r 
 
 k
 
 Lane'a Uniform Edition. 
 
 PETER SIMPLE; 
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF A MIDSHIPMAN. 
 
 BT 
 
 CAPTAIN MARRYATT 
 
 COMPLKTK Ilf TWO VOLUMES. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 aan^botnton, "N. W. 
 
 PUBLISHED BY CHARLKS LANE. 
 
 18S8.
 
 BTiKEOTVPZD BT ALLISOn AND F08Ti«; 
 
 Concord, N. H.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 The (Toat ndTmitnxe of bring the fool of the family — My destiny ia 
 dtviiteil. Kiid I Km coii!ii|tned to a stock broker as a part of bis majeity'a 
 ■ca«lock — Unfortunately for me, Mr. Handycock is • b«tr, and I 
 got rer}- littJc dinnrr. 
 
 If 1 cannot narrate a life of adventurous and dar- 
 ing exploits, fortunately I have no heavy crimes to 
 confess, and if I do not rise in the estimation of 
 the reader for acts of gallantry and devotion in my 
 country's cause, at least I may claim the merit of 
 humble and unobtrusive continuance in my vocation. 
 We are all of us variously gifted from above, and 
 he who is content to walk, instead of running, his 
 allotted path through life, although he may not so 
 rapidly attain the goal, has the advanUige of not 
 being out of breath upon his arrival. Psot that 1 
 mean to infer that my life has not l)een one of ad- 
 venture. 1 only mean to say, that in all which has 
 occurred, I have been a passive,, rather than an 
 active, personage ; and if events of interest are to 
 be recorded, they certainly have not been sought 
 by me. 
 
 As well as I can recollect and analyze my early 
 propensities, I think that, had I been iwrmiited to 
 select my own profc.sision, I should in all probability 
 have bound inysrif apprentice to a tad or ; fori 
 always envied the comforttihlc seat which they 
 appeared to enjoy upon the shopboard, and their
 
 4 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 elevated position, which enabled them to look down 
 upon the constant succession of the idle or the busy, 
 who passed in review before therrrin the main-street 
 of the- country-to\^R near to' whieh I passed the 
 first fourteen years of my existence. 
 
 But my father, who 'was a clergyman of the 
 Church of England, and the youngest brother of 
 a noble family, had a lucrative living, and a '-soul 
 above buttons," if his son had not. It has been 
 from time immemorial the heathen custom to sacri- 
 fice the greatest fool of the family to the prosperity 
 and naval superiority of the countrj-, and at the 
 age of fourteen I was selected as the victim. If 
 the custom be judicious, I had no reason to com- 
 plain. There was not one dissentient voice, when 
 I was propyosed, before all the varieties of my aunts 
 and cousins, invited to partake of our new-year's 
 festival. I was selected by general acclamation. 
 Flattered by such a unanimous acknowledgment of 
 my qualification, and a stroke of my father's hand 
 down my head which accompanied it, I felt as proud, 
 and, alas ! as unconscious, as the calf with gilded 
 horns, who plays and mumbles with the rlowers of 
 the garland which designates his fate to every one 
 but himself. I even felt, or thought I felt, a slight 
 degree of military ardor, and a sort of vision of 
 future grandeur passed before me, in the distant 
 vista of which I perceived a coach with four horses 
 and a service of plate. It was, however, driven 
 away before I could decipher it, by positive bodily 
 
 f)ain, occasioned by my elder brother Tom, who 
 laving been directed by my father to snuff the 
 candles, took the opportunity of my abstraction to 
 insert a piece of the still ignited snuff into my left 
 car. But as my story is not a very short one, I 
 must not dwell too long at its commencement. I 
 shall therefore inform the reader, tliat my father, 
 who lived in the north of England, did not think it 
 ri^ht to fit me out at our country-town, near to
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 5 
 
 which we resided ; but about a fortnight after the 
 decision to which I have referred, he forwarded me 
 to London on the outside of the coacli, with my 
 best suit of bottle-green and six shirts. To prevent 
 mistakes I was booked in the way-bill '' to be de- 
 livered to Mr. Thomas Handycock, No. 14, St. 
 Clement's lane — carriage paid." My parting witli 
 Ihe family was very aflccting; my mother cried 
 bitterly, for, like all motliers, she liked the greatest 
 fool which she had presented to my father better 
 than all the rest ; my sisters cried because my 
 mother cried ; Tom roared for a short time louder 
 than all the rest, having been chastised by my father 
 for breaking his fourth window in that week ; — dur- 
 ing all which my father walked up and down the 
 room with impatience, because he was kept from 
 his dinner, and like all orthodo.x divines, he was 
 tenacious of the only sensual, enjoyment permitted 
 to his cloth. 
 
 At last I tore myself away. I had blubbered till 
 my eyes were so red and swollen, that the pupils 
 were scarcely to be distinguished, and tears and 
 dirt had veined my cheeks like the m:irblc of the 
 chimney-piece. My handkerchief was soaked 
 through with wiping my eyes and blowing my 
 nose, ocfore the scene was over. My brother 'J'om, 
 with a kindness which did honor to his heart, 
 exchanged his for mine, saying with fraternal regard, 
 " Here, IVUr, take mine, it's as dry as a bone." 
 But my father would not wait for a second handker- 
 chief to perform its duty. He led me away through 
 the hall, when, having shaken hands with all the 
 men. and kissed all the maids, who stood in a row 
 with their aprons to their eyes, I quitted my pater- 
 nal roof. 
 
 The coachman accompanied me to the place 
 whence the coach wa.H to start. Having scon mo 
 securely wedged bi-tvvecn two fat old women, and 
 having put my parcel inside, he took his leave, and 
 in a few minutes I was on my road to L(':!ili'.i.
 
 6 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 I was too much depressed to take notice of any 
 thing during my journey. When we arrived in 
 London, they drove to the Blue Boar, (in a street 
 the name of which I forget.) I had never seen or 
 heard of such an animal, and certainly it did not 
 appear very formidable ; its mouth was open and 
 teeth very large. What surprised me still more 
 was, to observe that its teeth and hoofs were of 
 pure gold. Who knows, thought I, but that in 
 some of the strange countries which t am doomed 
 to visit, I may fall in with and shoot one of those 
 terrific monsters ? with what haste shall I select 
 those previous parts, and with what joy should I, 
 on my return, pour them as an offering of filial 
 affection into my mother's lap ! — and then, as I, 
 thought of my mother, the tears again gushed into 
 my eyes. 
 
 The coachman threw his wliip to the ostler and 
 the reins upon the horses' backs ; he then dis- 
 mounted, and calling to me, *'Now, young gentle- 
 man, I'se a waiting," he put a ladder up for me to 
 get down by ; then turning to a porter, he said 
 to him, '• Bill, you must take this here young 
 gem'man and that ere parcel to this here direction. 
 Please to remember the coachman, sir." I replied 
 that I certainly would, if he wished it, and walked 
 off with the porter ; the coachman observing, as I 
 went away, '■ Well, he is a fool — that's sartin." 
 I arrived quite safe at St. Clement's lane, when the 
 porter received a shilling for his trouble from the 
 maid, who let me in, and I was shown up into a 
 parlor, where I found myself in company with Mrs. 
 Handycock. 
 
 Mrs. Handycock was a little meagre woman, who 
 did not speak very good English, and who appeared 
 to me to employ the major part of her time in bawling 
 out from the top of the stairs to the servants below. 
 I never saw her either read a book or occupy herself 
 with needle-work .duriuTf the whole time 1 was in the
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 7 
 
 house. She had a large gray parrot, and really I 
 cannot tell which screamed the worst of the two— 
 but she was very civil and kind to me, and asked 
 me ten times a day when I had last heard of my 
 grandfather, Lord Privilege. 1 observed that she 
 always did so if any company happened to call in 
 during my stay at her house. Before 1 had been 
 tliere ten minutes, she told me that she '' hadored 
 sailors — they were the defendors and preservora 
 of their kings and countries.'' and that " Mr. Han- 
 dycock would be home by four o'clock, and then 
 we should go to dinner.' Then she jumped nlTher 
 chair to bawl to tlic cook from the head oftlie 
 stairs — ''Jemima, Jemima! — ve'll ha'e vitingbiled 
 instead of Iricd." *' Can't, marrn,"' relied Jemima, 
 "they be ail hegged and crumbled, with tlicir tails 
 in their mouths, ' '* \ el, tlhcn. nevermind, Jemi- 
 ma," rrplicd the lady. '• Dont put your linger into 
 the parrot's cage, my love — he's hapt to be cross 
 wjth strangers. Mr. Handycock will be at home at 
 iijur o'clock, and then we shall have our dinner. Are 
 ynu fond of viting?" 
 
 As I wa-s very anxious to see Mr. Handycock, 
 and sery anxious to have my dinner, 1 was not sorry 
 to hear the dock on ti.e stairs strike four ; when 
 Mrs. IlamlycfK-k again jumped up, and put her head 
 over tljn banisters, " Jemima, Jemima, it's four 
 o'clock 1" " 1 hi»ar it, marm," roplio<l the cook ; and 
 she gave the frying-pan a twist wtiich made the 
 h»8ing and the smell come llyiiig up into the par- 
 lor, and made mo more hungry tlian ever. 
 
 Kap, tap, tap! " There's your master, Jemima," 
 screamed llir lady. '• I hear him, mann,'' replied 
 the cook. '• linn down, my dear, and lot .Mr. Han- 
 dycock in,'' said liis wife. " \lv.'\[ be so surprised 
 at seeing you open llie door." 
 
 I ran down as Mrs. Handyrnrk desired me, and 
 opened the street door. •• Who the devil are 
 you !" cried Mr. Handycock in a grufl voice j a
 
 8 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 man about six feet high, dressed in blue cotton-net 
 pantaloons and Hessian boots, with a black coat 
 and waiscoat. I was a little rebuffed, I must own, 
 but I replied that I was Mr. Simple. " And pray, 
 Mr. Simple, what would your grandfather say, if he 
 saw you now? I have servants in plenty to open 
 my door, and the parlor is the proper place for 
 young gentlemen." 
 
 '• Law, ]Mr. Handycock," said his wife, from the 
 top of the stairs, " how can you be so cross ? I told 
 him to open the door to surprise you." " And you 
 have surorised me," replied he, "with your cursed 
 foUv." 
 
 AVhile Mr. Handycock was nibbing his boots on 
 the mat, I went up stairs again, rather mortified, I 
 must own, as my father had told me that Mr.Handy- 
 cock Wiis his stock-broker,and would do all he could 
 to m:ike me comfortable ; indeed he had written to 
 that effect in a letter, which my fatiicr showed to 
 me before I lelt home. When I returned to the 
 parlor, Mrs. Handycock whispered to me, " Never 
 mind, my dear, it's only because there is something 
 wrong on "Change. ^Ir. Handycock is a6f<^rjust 
 now." I thought so too, but I made no answer, for 
 Mr. Handycock came up stairs, and walking with 
 two strides from the door of the parlor to the fire 
 place, turned his back to it, and lifting up his coat- 
 tails began to whistle." 
 
 " Are you ready for your dinner, my dear V said 
 the lady, almost trembling. 
 
 '' If tlie dinner is ready for me. I believe we 
 usually dine at four," answered her husband, gruffly. 
 
 " Jemima, Jemima, dish up ! do you hear, Jemi- 
 ma ?" ''Yes, marm, replied the cook, ''directly 
 I've thickened the butter j" and Mrs. Handycock 
 resumed her seat with " Well, Mr. Simple, and how 
 is your grandfather, Lord Privilege V '' He is quite 
 well, ma'am," answered I, for the fifteenth time at 
 least. Bat dinner put an end to the silence which
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 9 
 
 followed this remark. Mr. Handycock lowered his 
 coat tail and walked down stairs, leaving his wifb 
 and me to follow at our leisure. 
 
 " Pray, ma'am," inquired 1, as soon as he was out 
 of hearing, " what is the matter with Mr. Handy- 
 cock, tliat he is so cross to you?" 
 
 ""Vy, my dear, it is one of the misfortunes of 
 matermonv, that ven the husband's put out, the vife 
 is sure to have her share of it. Air. Handycock 
 must have lost money on "Change, and then he 
 always comes home cross. When he vins, then he 
 is as merry as a cricket.'-* 
 
 '• Are you people coming down to dinner ?" roared 
 Mr. Handvcock from below. " Yes, my dear," re- 
 plied the lady, " I thought that you were washing 
 your hands." We descended into the dining-room, 
 where we found that Mr. Handycock had already 
 devoured two of the whitings, leaving only one on 
 the dish for his wife and me. " Vould you like a 
 little viting. my dear ?"' said the lady to me. "It's 
 not worth having." observed the gentleman, in a 
 surly tone, taking the fish up with his own knife and 
 fork, and putting it on his plate. 
 
 •' Well, i'm so glad you like them, my dear," re- 
 plied the lady, meekly ; then turYiiiig to me, "there's 
 some nice roast weal coming, my dear." 
 
 The veal made its appearance, and fortunately for 
 us, Mr. Handycock could not devour it all. He 
 took the lion's share, nevertheless, cutting off ill 
 the brown, and then shoving tlie dish over to 
 his wife to help herself and me. I had not j)ut 
 two pieces in my mouth before Mr. Handycock 
 desired me to get up and hand him the porter-pot, 
 which stood on the sideboard. I thought that if 
 it was not right for me to open the door, neither 
 was it for me to wait at table ; bdl 1 obeyed him 
 without making a remark. • 
 
 After dinner. Mr. Handycock went down to the 
 cellar for a bottle of wine. '* O deary me," ^x-
 
 10 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 claimed his wife, " he must have lost a mint of 
 money ; we had better go up stairs and leave him 
 alone j he'll be better after a bottle of port per- 
 haps." I was very glad to go away, and being very- 
 tired, I went to bed without any tea, for Mrs. Han- 
 dycock dared not venture to make it before her 
 husband came up stairs. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Fitting out on the shortest notice — Fortunately Tor me, this diy Mr. 
 Handycock it a bear, and I fare very well — I set off for Portsmouth — 
 Beliind the coach I meet a man before the mast — He is du^uitcdv/i\ii 
 liquor, but is not the only disguise I fall in with in my journey. 
 
 The next morning Mr. Handycock appeared to 
 be in somewhat better humor. One of the linen- 
 drapers, who fit out cadets, &-c. " on the shortest 
 notice," was sent for,and orders given for my equip- 
 ment, which Mr. Handycock insisted should be 
 ready on the day afterwards, or the articles would 
 be left on his hands ; adding that my place was al- 
 ready taken in the Portsmouth coach. 
 
 " Really, sir," observed the man, " I'm afraid — 
 on such very short notice " 
 
 "Your card says 'the shortest notice,'" rejoined 
 Mr. Handycock, with the confidence and authority 
 of a man who is enabled to correct another by his 
 own assertions. '• If you do not choose to under- 
 take the work, another will." 
 
 This silenced the man, who made his promise, 
 took my measure and departed, and soon after^vards 
 Mr. Handycock also quitted the house. 
 
 What with my grandfather and the parrot, and 
 Mrs. Handycock wondering how much money her
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 11 
 
 husband had lost, running to the head ot the stairs 
 and talking to the cook, the day passed away pretty 
 well till four o'clock; when, as before, Mrs. Han- 
 dycock screamed, the cook screamed, the parrot 
 screamed, and Mr. Handycock rapped at the door 
 and was let in — but not by me. He ascended the 
 stairs with three bounds, and coming into the par- 
 lor, cried, " Well, Nancy, my love, how are you ]" 
 Then stooping over her, " Give me a kiss, old girl, 
 I'm as hungrv as a hunter. Mr. Simple, how do 
 you do ? f hope you have passed tne morning 
 agreeably. I must wash my hands and change my 
 boots my love ; I am not fit to sit down to table 
 with you in this pickle. Well, Polly, how are 
 you ?" 
 
 " I'm glad you're hungrv, my dear. I've such a 
 nice dinner for ^ou," replied the wife, all smiles. 
 "Jemima, be quick and dish up— Mr. Handycock 
 is so hungry." 
 
 " Yes, marm," replied the cook : and. Mrs. Han- 
 dycock followed her husband into his bedroom 
 on the same floor, to assist him at his toilet. 
 
 " By Jove, Psancy, the bulls have been nicely 
 taken in," said Mr. Handycock as we sat down to 
 dinner. 
 
 " O, 1 am so glad !" replied his wife giggling , 
 and BO I believe she was, but why I did not under- 
 stand. 
 
 " Mr. Simple," said he, " will you allow me to 
 offer you a little fish ?'' " If you do not want it all 
 yourself, sir," replied I, politely. 
 
 Mrs. Handycock frowned and shook her head at 
 me ; while her husband helped me. " My dove, a 
 bit of fish T" 
 
 We both had our share to-djif , and I never saw 
 a man more polite than Mr. Haildvcock. He joked 
 with his wife, asked me to drink wine with him 
 two or three times, talked about my grandfather j 
 and in short, wc had a very pleasant evening.
 
 12 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 The next moniing all my clothes came home, but 
 Mr. Handycock, who still continued in good humor, 
 said that he would not allow me to travel at night j 
 that I should sleep there and set off the next morn- 
 ing, which I did at six o'clock, and before eight I 
 hiid arrived at the Elephant and Castle, where we 
 stopped for a quarter of an hour. I was looking 
 at the painting representing this animal with a 
 castle on its back 3 and assuming that of Alnwick, 
 which I had seen, as a fair estimate of the size and 
 weight of that which he carried, was attempting to 
 enlarge my ideas so as to comprehend the stupen- 
 dous bulk of the elephant, when I observed tlie 
 crowd assembled at the corner, and asking a 
 gentleman who sat by me in a plaid cloak, whether 
 there was not something very uncommon to attract 
 so many people ; he replied, "Not very, for it was 
 only a drunken sailor." 
 
 1 rose from my seat, which was on the hinder 
 part of the coach, that I might see him, for it was 
 a new sight to me, and excited my curiosity ; when 
 to my astonishment he staggered from the crowd, 
 and swore that he'd go to Portsmouth. He climbed 
 up by the wheel of the coach, and sat down by me. 
 1 believe that I stared at him very much, for he 
 said to me, " \Vhat are you gaping at, you young 
 Bculpin ? Do you want to catch flies ? or did you 
 never see a chap half seas over before V 
 
 I replied, " that I had never been at sea in my 
 life, but that I was going." 
 
 " Well then, you're like a young bear, all your 
 sorrows to come — that's all, my hearty," replied 
 he. " When you get on board, you'll find mo^- 
 key's allowance — more kicks than half pence. J 
 say, you pewter carrier, bring us another pint of 
 ale." 
 
 The waiter of the inn, who was attending the 
 coach, brought out the ale, half of which the sailor 
 drank, and the other half threw into the waiter'4(
 
 PETER SIMPLE. IS 
 
 face .telling him that was his allowance : and '' now/* 
 said he, " what's to pay ?" The waiter who looked 
 very angry, but appeared too much afraid of the 
 Bailor to say any tliiug, answered four-pence ; and 
 th6 sailor pulled out a handful of bank notes,mixed 
 up with gold, silver, and copper9,and was picking out 
 tJie money to pay for his beer, when the coachman, 
 whb was impatient, drove off. 
 
 " There's cut and run," cried the sailor, thrust- 
 ing all tfie money back again into his breeches 
 Cocket. '' Thai's what you 11 lam to do my joker, 
 clbre you have been two cruises to sea." 
 
 In the mean time, the gentleman in the plaid 
 cloak, wlio was seated by me, smoked his cigar 
 without saying a word. 1 commenced a conversa- 
 tion with him relative to my profession, and asked 
 him whether it was not very difficult to learn. 
 " Larn," cried the sailor, interrupting us, " no ; it 
 may be dilficult for such chaps as me before the 
 mast to larn, but you, I presume, is a reefer, and 
 they an't got much to larn, 'cause why ? they 
 pipeclays their weekly accounts, and walk up and 
 down with their hands in their pockets. You must 
 larn to chaw baccy, drink grog, and call the cat a 
 beggar, and then you knows all a midshipman's 
 expected to know now-a-days. Ar'nt I right, sir ?" 
 said the sailor, appealing to the gentleman in a 
 plaid cloak. " I axes you, because 1 see you're a 
 sailor by the cut of your jib. Beg pardon, sir," 
 contiimcdhe,touching his hat, '• I hope no offence." 
 
 " I am afraid that you have nearly hit the mark, 
 my Rood fellow," replied the gentleman. 
 
 The drunken fellow then entered into conversa- 
 tion with him, stating tliat he had been paid ofT 
 from the Audacious, at Portsmouth, and had come 
 up to London to spend hisujoney witli his messmatesj 
 but that yrsterday ho had discovered that a Jew at 
 Fortiimfiutli had Kold him a seal an a gold seal, for 
 fif\cen RhilIin;,'H, whirh proved to be copper, and that
 
 U PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 he was going back to Portsmouth to give the Jew a 
 a couple of black eyes for his rascality, and that 
 vhen he had done that, he was to return to liis 
 messmates who had promised to drink success to 
 the expedition at the Cock and Bottle, St. Martin'g- 
 lane, until he should return. 
 
 The gentleman in the plaid cloak commended 
 him very much for his resolution 5 for he said that 
 although the journey to and from Portsmouth would 
 cost twice the value of a gold seal, yet, that in the 
 end, it might be worth a Jew's eye. What he meant, 
 I did not comprehend. 
 
 Whenever the coach stopped, the sailor called 
 for more ale, and always threw the remainder which 
 he could not drink into the face of the man who 
 brought it out for him, just as the coach was starting 
 off, and then tossed the pewter pot on tlie ground 
 for him to pick up. He became more tipsy every 
 stage, and the last from Portsmouth,when he pulled 
 out his money, he could find no silver, so he hand- 
 ed down a note, and desired the waiter to change 
 it. The waiter crumpled it up and put it in his 
 pocket, and then returned the sailor the change for 
 a one pound note : but the gentleman in the plaid 
 had observed that it was a five pound note which 
 the sailor had given, and insisted upon the waiter's 
 producing it and giving the proper change. The 
 sailor took his money, which the waiter handed 
 to him, begging pardon for the mistake, although 
 he colored up verj- much at being detected. " 1 
 really beg your pardon," said he again, '' it was 
 quite a mistake 3'' whereupon the sailor threw the 
 pewter pot at the waiter, saying, " I really beg your 
 pardon too/" — and with such force that it flattened 
 upon the man's head, who fell senseless on the 
 road. The coachman drove off, and 1 never heard 
 whether the man was killed or not. 
 
 After the coach had driven off, the sailor eyed the 
 gentleman in the plaid cloak for a minute or two,
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 15 
 
 and then eaid, " When I first looked at you I took 
 you for some officer in the niul\i ; but now that 1 
 see that you look so sharp alter the rhino, it's my 
 idea that you're some poor devil of a Scotchman, 
 mayhap second mate ot a merchant vessel — there's 
 half-a-crown for your services — I'd give you more, 
 if I thought you would spend it." 
 
 The gentleman laughed, and took the half-crown, 
 which I al\erwards observed that he gave to the 
 cray-headed beggar at the bottom ot Postdown 
 Hill. I inquired of him how soon we should be at 
 Portsmoutli ; he answered that wo were passing the 
 lines ] but I saw no lines, and I was ashamed to 
 show my ignorance. He asked me what ship 1 
 was going to join. 1 could not recollect the name, 
 but 1 told him it was painted on the outside of my 
 chest which was coming down by the wagon : all 
 that 1 could recollect was that it was a French 
 name. 
 
 " Have you no letter of introduction to the cap- 
 tain ?" said he. 
 
 ".Yes, I have," replied I ; and I pulled out my 
 pocket-book in which the letter was. " Captain 
 Savage, H. M. ship Diomede," continued I, reading 
 to him. 
 
 To my surprise he very coolly proceeded to open 
 the letter, which, when I perceived what he was 
 doing, occasioned me immediately to snatch the 
 letter from him, stating my opinion at the same time 
 tliat it was a breach of honor, and that in my opinion 
 he was no gentleman. 
 
 '•Just as you please, youngster," replied he. 
 " Recollect, you have told me f am no gentleman." 
 
 He wrapped his plaid around him, and said no 
 more ; and I was not a little pleased at having 
 silenced him by my resolute behavior.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 I am made to look very blue at the Blue Posts— Find wild Spirita 
 arouDd, and, sooQ after, liOt npirits wiliiio roe ; at leiieth my ro''"''^ 
 overcome me-Call to pay my respects to the capuuu,aDd find cbat 1 had 
 bad iJie pleasure of meeting him before — No sooaer out of one scrape 
 than into another. 
 
 When we stopped, I inquired of the coachman 
 which was the best inn. He answered, " That it 
 was the Blue Postesses, where the midshipmen 
 leave their chestesses, call for tea and toastesses, 
 and somtimes forget to pay for their breakfastesses." 
 He laughed when he said it, and I thought that he 
 was joking with me ; but he pointed out two large 
 blue posts at the door next the coach office, and 
 told me that all the midshipmen resorted to that 
 hotel. He then asked me to remember the coach- 
 man, which by thi§ time I had found out implied 
 that I was not to forget to give him ashilling,which 
 I did, and then went into the inn. The coffee-room 
 was full of midshipmen, and as I was anxious about 
 my chest, I inquired of one of them if he knew 
 when the wagon would come in. 
 
 " Do you expect your mother by it V replied he. 
 
 " Oh no ! but I expect my uniforms— 1 only wear 
 these bottle-greens until they come." 
 
 " And prajr what ship are you going to join ?" 
 
 /'The Die-a-maid — captain Thomas Kirkwall 
 Savage." 
 
 " The Diomede — I say, Robinson, a'n't that tlie 
 frigate in which the midshipmen had four dozen 
 apiece for not having pipe-clayed their weekly ac- 
 counts on the. Saturday ?"' 
 
 "To be sure it is," replied the other; "why the 
 captain gave a youngster five dozen the other day 
 for wearing a scarlet watch-ribband." 
 
 "He is the greatest Tartar in tlic service," con- 
 tinued the other; " he flogged the whole starboard
 
 r::Ti:R siMri.t:. n 
 
 watrh the lust time lliat l.e was uii a craise, because 
 the ship would only 6;iil nine knots upon a bowling." 
 " O dear," said 1, " tliea I am very sorry that'l'm 
 goinc; to join him." 
 
 •• I'on my soul I pity you ; you'll be flogged to 
 death } for there is only three midshipmen in the 
 ship now — all tlic rest ran away. Didn't they Rob- 
 inson 1" 
 
 '• There is only two left now — for poor Matthews 
 died of fatigue. He was worked aJl day, and kept 
 watch all night for six weeks, and one morning he 
 was found dead upon his chest." 
 
 " (jod bless ujy soul I" cried I, " and yeton shore 
 tlicy say he is such a kind man to his midshipmen." 
 " Ves," replied Robinson," he spreads that report 
 everywhere. Aow, observe, when you first call 
 upon him, and report your having come to join his 
 ship, he'll tell you tiiat he is very liappy to see you, 
 and that he hopes your family arc well — then he'll 
 reconiiiiend you to go onboard and learn your duty. 
 AJler that, stand clear. ISow recollect what 1 have 
 said, and see if it docs not prove true. Come, sit 
 down witii us, and take a glass of grog 3 it will keep 
 your .spirits up." 
 
 'ilicse midshipmen told me so much about mv 
 c^iplain and the lu>rrid cruelties which he prucliscJ. 
 tl'.at I hud some donbls wlielhcr I had not better set 
 oil' home ;igain. When I asked ihcir o|)inion, they 
 said that if 1 did, I should be taken up as a deserter, 
 ami hanged J that my bch.1 plan was to beg his 
 acceptance of a few gallons of run>, for he wai 
 very loud «»f grog, arid llint then 1 miglit perhaps be 
 in Ills good prices as long as the rum might last. 
 
 I am sorry to sLite that ttie midshipmen mule mc 
 very lip.-.y \\\\X evening. 1 don't rernHect being 
 |.ut to Lc;l. but 1 found myself thcr« the nc.\t 
 inoming wu'" a dreadful headache, and a very 
 coufuscd rcc< llocli.)!! of what had passed. I was 
 very much shocked at my having io toon foij,otle» 
 Vol.. I. 2
 
 18 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 the injunctions of my parents, and was making vows 
 never to be so foolish again, when in came the 
 midshipman who had been so kind to me the night 
 before. " Come, Mr. Bottlegreen/'' he bawled out, 
 alluding, I suppose to the color of my clothes, 
 " rouse and bitt. There's the captain's coxswain 
 waiting for you below. By the powers, you're in a 
 prettj- scrape for what you'did last night!" 
 
 " Did last night I" replied I, astonished. " Why, 
 does the captain know that I was tipsy 1" 
 
 " I think you took devilish good care to let him 
 know it when you were at the theatre." 
 
 " At the theatre ! Was I at the theatre 1" 
 
 "To be sure you were. You would go, do all 
 we could to prevent you, though you were as drunk 
 as David's sow. Your captain was there witli the 
 admiral's daughters. You called him a tyrant, and 
 snapped your fingers at him. Why, don't you 
 recollect ? You told him you did not care a fig for 
 him." 
 
 " O dear ! O dear ! what shall I do ? what shall 
 I do 1" cried I. " My mother cautioned me so 
 about drinking and bad company." 
 
 "Bad company, you whelp — what do ycu mean 
 by that?" 
 
 " Oh I did not particularly refer to you." 
 
 " I should hope not ! However, I recommend 
 you, as a friend, to go to the George Inn as fast as 
 you can, and see your captain, for the longer you 
 stay away the worse it will be for you. At all 
 events, it will be decided whether he receives you 
 or not. It is fortunate for you tliat you arc not on 
 the ship's books. Come, be quick, the co.vswain is 
 gone back." " Not on the ship's books," replied 1, 
 sorrowfully. " Now I recollect there was a letter 
 from the captain to my father, stating that he put 
 me on the books." 
 
 ••' Upon my honor, I'm sorrj' — very sorry indeed," 
 replied the midshipman — and he quitted the room,
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 19 
 
 looking as grave as if the misfortunR had happened 
 to himself. I got up with a heavy head, and 
 heavier heart, and as soon as I was dressed, I asked 
 the way to the George Inn. I took my letter of 
 introduction with me, although 1 was afraid it 
 would be of little service. When I arrived, I asked, 
 with a trembling voice, whether Captain Thomas 
 Kirkwall .Savage, of H. M. ship Diomede, was 
 staying there. The waiter replied, that he was at 
 breaktast with Captain Courtney, but that he would 
 take up my name. I gave it to him.andin aminute 
 tlie waiter returned and desired that I would walk 
 up. O how my heart beat — I never was so frightened 
 — I thought 1 bhould have dropped on the stairs. 
 Twice I attempted to walk into the room, and each 
 time my legs failed me : at last I w iped the per.'jpi- 
 ratiun froni my forehead, and with a desperate 
 eflbrt I went into the room. 
 
 "Mr. Simple, I am glad to see you," said a voice. 
 I iiad held my head down, for 1 was afraid to look 
 at him, Lut the voice was so kind, that 1 mublered 
 up courage ; and when I did look up, there sat, with 
 his uniform and epaulettes, a:id his sword by his 
 side, the passenger in the plaid cloak, who wanted 
 to open my letter, and wliom I had told to his face 
 that he was no ^entltman. 
 
 I thought I should have died as the other mid- 
 flhipmaii did ui>on his chest. I was just sinking 
 down on my knees to beg for mercy, when the 
 captain. j)erceiving my confusion, burst out into a 
 laugh, and said, " So you know me again, Mr. 
 Simple I Well, don't be alarmed, you did yeurduty 
 in not permitting me to open the letter, t-upposing 
 me, as you did, to be some other person, and you 
 were perfectly right under that supposition to tell 
 roe that I was not a gentleman. 1 give }(-u credit 
 for your ( onducl. Isow sit down and take scmo 
 breakfast.'' 
 
 " CapAain Courtney," said lie to the other captain,
 
 30 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 who v/as at the table, " this is one of my j.xungslcra 
 just entering the service. We were passengers 
 by the same coach.' He then told him the cir- 
 cumstance winch had occurred^ at which they 
 laughed heartily. 
 
 1 now recovered my spirits a little — but still there 
 was the affair of the theatre, and I thought that 
 perhaps he did not recognise me. I was, hov.ever, 
 soon relieved from my anxiety by the other captain 
 inquiring, " Were you at the theatre last night, 
 Savage V 
 
 '• Jso : I dined at the admiral's : there is no get- 
 ting away from those girls, they are so pleasant." 
 
 *• I rather think your are a little — taken in that 
 quarter.*- 
 
 " No, on my word ! I might be if I had time to 
 discover which I liked best ; but my ship is at 
 present my wife, and the only wife I intend to have 
 until I am laid on the shelf." 
 
 Weil, thought 1, if he was not at the theatre, it 
 could not have been him that I insulted. ISow if 
 I can only give him the rum, and make friends with 
 him. 
 
 *•' Pray, Mr. Simple, how are your father and 
 mother 1" said the captain. 
 
 •• Very well, I thank you, sir, and desire me to 
 present their compliments." 
 
 "I am obliged to them. New I think the sooner 
 you go on board and learn your duty the better." 
 (Just as the midsliipman told me — the very words, 
 thought I — then it's all true — and I began to tremble 
 again. j 
 
 " I nave a little advice to offer you," continued 
 the captain. " In the first place, obey your superior 
 officers without hesitation ; it is for me, not for 
 you, to decide whether an order is unjust or not. 
 In the next place, never swear or drink spirits. 
 The first is immoral and ungentlenian-like, the 
 second is a vile habit which v,ill grow upon ycu.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 21 
 
 I never touch spirits myself, and I expect tliat my 
 younp gentlemen will refrain from it also. Now 
 you inav go, and as soon as your uniforms arrive, 
 you will repair on board. In the mean time, as I 
 had some little insight into your character when we 
 travelled together, let me recommend you not to 
 be too intimate at first sight with those you meet,or 
 you may be led into indiscretions. Good morning." 
 
 I quitted the room with a low bow, glad to have 
 surmounted so easily what appeared to be a chaos 
 of difficulty, but my mind was confused with the 
 testimony of the midshipman, so much at variance 
 with the language and behavior of the captain. 
 When I arrived at the Blue Posts, I found all the 
 midshipmen in the coffee-room, and I repeated to 
 them all that hid passed. When I had finished, 
 tliey burst out laughing, and said that they had only 
 been joking with me. " Well," said I to the one 
 who had called me up in the morning, '• you may 
 calj it joking, but I call it lying." 
 
 " Pray, Mr. Bottlegreen,"do you refer to me 1" 
 
 " Yes, I do," replied I. 
 
 " Then, sir, as a gentleman, I demand satisfac- 
 tion. Slugs in a saw-pit. Death before dishonor, 
 d c." 
 
 " I shall not refuse you," replied I, '• although I 
 had rather not fight a duel : my father cautioned mc 
 on th«' subjcrt, desiring me, if possible to avoid it, 
 as it was Hying inlf) the face of my Creator; but 
 aware tliat 1 mustu()hold my character as an officer, 
 he left me to my own discretion, should I ever be 
 BO unfortunate as to be in such a dilemma." 
 
 " Well, we don't want one of your father's ser- 
 mons at second hand," rcolied the midshipman, (for 
 I had told them that my lather was a clergyman,) 
 " the plain question is, will you fight or will you 
 not?" 
 
 " Could not the affair be arranged otherwise ?" 
 interrupted another. " Will not Mr. Bottlei^reea 
 retract ?"
 
 22 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " My name is Simple, sir, and not BotUegreen," 
 replied I : " and as he did tell a falsehood; I will 
 not retract." 
 
 '• Then the affair must go on," said the midship- 
 man. " Robinson, you will oblige me by acting as 
 my second." 
 
 '' It's an unpleasant business," replied the other, 
 " you are so good a shot ; but as you request it, I 
 shall not refuse. Mr. Simple is not, I believe, pro- 
 vided with a friend." 
 
 " Yes, he is," replied another of the midship- 
 men. " He is a spunky fellow, and I'll be hoB 
 second." 
 
 It was then arranged that we should meet the 
 next morning with pistols. I considered that as an 
 officer and a gentleman, I could not well refuse, 
 but I was yery unhappy. jSot three days left to 
 my own guidance, and I had becon>e intoxicated, 
 and was now to fight a duel. I went up into my 
 room and wrote a long letter to my mother, enclos- 
 ing a lock of my hair ; and hanng slied a few tears 
 at the idea of how sorry she would be if I were 
 killed, I borrowed a Bible from the waiter, and read 
 it during the remainder of the day. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 I am taught on a cold morning, before breflkfast, iiow to slaiid fire, and 
 thus pnjve iny courage — After breai fast 1 also prove my gstUantry — 
 My proof tneetg reprcof— Woman at the bottom of all mischief— By 
 one 1 lose my liberty, and by another, my mouey. 
 
 When I began to wake the next morning I could 
 not think what it was that felt like a weight upon 
 %nj chest, but as I roused and recalled my scattered
 
 PETER SIMPLE. tS 
 
 thoughts, I remembered that in an hour or two it 
 •would be decided whether I were to exist another 
 day. I prayed fervently, and made a resolution in 
 my own mind, that I would not have the blood of 
 another upon my conscience, and would tire my 
 pistol up in the air. And after I had made that 
 resolution I no longer felt the alarm which I did 
 before. Before I was dressed, the midshipman who 
 had volunteered to be my second came into my 
 room, and informed me that the affair was to be 
 decided in the garden behind the inn ; that my 
 adversar)- was a very good shot, and tliat I must 
 expect to be winged, if not drilled. 
 
 "And what is winged and drilled ?" inquired I } 
 " I have not only never fought a duel, but I have 
 not even fired a pistol in my life." 
 
 He explained what he meant, which was, that 
 being winged implied l)eing shot through the arm 
 or leg, whereas l)eing drilled was to be shot through 
 the iKxly. " But," continued he, *' is it possible 
 that you have never fought a duel ?' 
 
 " ]>io," replied I, " 1 am not yet fifteen years 
 old." 
 
 " IS'ot fifteen ? why I thought you were eighteen 
 at the least." (But I wa-s very tall and stout for 
 my age, and people generally thought me older than 
 I actually was.) 
 
 1 dressed myself and followed my second into the 
 garden, where I found all the midshipmen, and 
 some of the waiters of the inn. They all seemed 
 very merry, as if the life of a fellow creature wan 
 of noconsecjuence. The seconds talked apart for a 
 little while, and then measured the ground, which 
 was twelve paces ; we then took our stations. I 
 believe that I turned pale, for my second came to 
 my side and whisj)erea that I must not be frighten- 
 ed. I replied that I was not frightened, but *^at 1 
 considered tliat it was an awful momen 
 second to my adversary then came up, and 9
 
 24 PETER SLMPLE. 
 
 whether I would make an apology, which I refuged 
 to do, as before 3 they handed a pistol to each of us, 
 and my second showed me how I vvas to pull the 
 trigger. It was arn;!i;^ed that at the word given, we 
 were to fire at the same time. I made sure that I 
 should be wounded, if not killed, and I shut my 
 eyes as I fired my pistol in the air. I felt my head 
 swim, and thought I w.as hurt, but fortunately I was 
 not. The pistols were loaded again, and we fired 
 a second time. The seconds then interfered, and 
 it was proposed that we should shake hands, which 
 I was very glad to do, for I considered my life to 
 have been saved by a miracle. We all went back 
 to the coffee-room, and sat down to breakfast. 
 They then told me that they all belonged to the 
 same ship that I did, and that they were glad to see 
 that I could stand fire, for tlie captain was a terrible 
 fellow for cutting out and running under the enemy's 
 batteries. 
 
 The next day ray chest arrived by the wagon, and 
 I threw off my ''bottle-greens" and put on my uni- 
 form. I had no cocked hat, or dirk, as the ware- 
 house people employed by Mr. Handycock did not 
 supply those articles, audit was arranged that I 
 should procure them at Portsmouth. When i in- 
 quired the price, I found that they cost more mo- 
 ney than I had in my pocket, so I tore up the letter 
 I had written to my mother before the duel, and 
 \TTOte another asking for a remittance to purchase 
 my dirk and cocked hat. I then walked out in my 
 uniform, not a little proud I must confess. I was 
 now an officer in his majesty's service, not very 
 high in rank certainly, but still an officer and a gen- 
 tleman, and I made a vow that I would suppoit the 
 character, although 1 was considered the greatest 
 fool of the family. 
 
 I had arrived opposite a place called Sally Port, 
 when a young lady very nicely dressed looked at 
 xne very hard, and said, '• Well, reefer, how are you
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 25 
 
 off for soap?"' I was astouishcd at the question, 
 and more so at the interest which she seemed to 
 take in my affairs. I answered, •' Thank you, I ani 
 very well off; I have four cakes of Windsor, and 
 two bars of yellow for washing." She lau;:lied at 
 my reply, and asked me whether I would walk home 
 and Uike a bit of dinner with her. I was astonish- 
 ed at this polite ofler, which my modesty induced 
 mc to ascribe more to my uniform than to my own 
 merits, and as I lelt no inclination to refuse the 
 compliment, I said that I should be most happv. I 
 thought I might venture to offer mv arm, which she 
 accepted, and we proceeded up High-street on our 
 way to her home. 
 
 Just as we passed the admiral's house, I perceiv- 
 ed my captain walking with two of the admiral's 
 daughters. 1 was not a little proud to let him see 
 that I had female acquaintances as well as he had, 
 and as I passed him with the young lady under my 
 protection. I took olf my liat and made him a low 
 bow. To my 8iirprit;e. not only did he not return 
 the salute, but he looked at me w ilh a very stem 
 countenance. I concluded that he was a very proud 
 man, and did not wish the admiral's daughters to 
 suppose that he knew midshipmen by sight ; but I 
 had not exactly made up my mind, on the subject, 
 when the captain, having seen the ladies into the 
 admiral's house, sent one of the messengers after 
 me. to desire that I would immediately come to 
 him at the George Inn, which was nearly opposite. 
 
 1 apologised to the young l.idy, :tnd promised to 
 return immediately if she wf)uld wait for me ; but 
 she replied, "If that was my captain, it was her 
 idea that I should have a confounded wigging, and 
 be sent on board." So, wishing me good b'ye, she 
 led me and continued her way home. I could as 
 little comi)r('hend all lliis, a.s why the captain look- 
 ed so bl^ck when I passed him -, but it was soon 
 explained when I went up to him in the parlor at
 
 26 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 the Geofge Inn. '•'lam sorry, Mr. Simple," sairl 
 the captain when I entered, " that a lad like you 
 should show such early symptoms of depravity ; 
 still more so, that he should not have the grace 
 which even the most hardened are not wholly des- 
 titute of — I mean to practice immorality in secret, 
 and not degrade themselves and insult their captain 
 by unblushingly avowing, I may say, glorying in 
 their iniquity, by exposing it in broad day, and in 
 the most frequented street of the town." 
 
 " Sir," replied I, with astonishment, " O dear ! 
 O dear! what have I done ?" 
 
 The captain fixed his keen eyes upon me, so that 
 they appeared to pierce me through and nail me to 
 the wall. " Do you pretend to say, sir, that you 
 were not aware of the character of the person with 
 whom you were walking just now?" 
 
 " No, sir," replied I, " except that she was very 
 kind and good natured ;" and then 1 told him how 
 she had a!ddressed me, and what subsequently took 
 place. 
 
 " And is it possible, Mr. Simple, that you are so 
 great a fool 1" I replied, " that I certainly was 
 considered the greatest fool of our family." " I 
 should think you were," replied he, dryly. He then 
 explained to me who the person was with whom I 
 was in company, and how my association with her 
 would inevitably lead to my ruin and disgrace. 
 
 I cried very much, for I was shocked at the nar- 
 row escape which I had had, and mortified at hav- 
 ing fallen in his good opinion. He asked me how I 
 had employed my time since I had been at Ports- 
 mouth, and I made an acknowledgment of having 
 been made tipsy, related all that the midshipmen 
 had told me, and how I had that morning fought a 
 duel. 
 
 He listened to my whole story very attentively, 
 and I thought that occasionally there was a smile 
 upon his face, although he bit his lips to prevent it.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 27 
 
 When I had finislied^ he said, '* Mr. Simple, I can 
 no longer trust you on shore until you are more ex- 
 perienced in the world. I shall desire my coxswain 
 not to lose eight of you until you are sale on board 
 of the frigate. When you liave sailed a few months 
 ■with me, you will then be able to decide whether I 
 deserve the character which the young gentlemen 
 have painted, with, I must say, 1 believe, the sole 
 intention of practising upon your inexperiance." 
 
 Altogether I did not teel sorry when it was over. 
 I saw that the captain believed what I had stated, 
 and that he was disposed to be kind tome, although 
 he thought me vcrj- silly. The coxswain, in obedi- 
 ence to his orders, accompanied me to the Blue 
 Posts. I packed up my clothes,, paid my bill, and 
 the waiter wheeled my chest down to the Sally 
 Fort, where the boat was waiting. 
 
 "Come, heave a-head, my lads, be smart. The 
 captain says we are to take the young gentleman 
 on board directly. His liberty's stopped forgetting 
 drunk and running after the Dolly Mops !" 
 
 " I should thank you to be more respectful in your 
 remarks, Mr. Coxswain," said I, with displeasure. 
 
 " Mister Coxswain I tlianky, sir, for giving me a 
 handle to my name," replied he. " Come, be 
 smart with your oars, my lads !" 
 
 "La, Bi I Freeman," said a young woman on the 
 beach, " what a nice young gentleman you have 
 there ! He looks like a sucking iS'elson. I say, my 
 pretty young officer, could you lend me aHhillmg ? ' 
 
 I was 80 pleased at Uie woman calling me a young 
 Nelson, tliat 1 immediately complied with her re- 
 quest. " I have not a shilling in my pocket," uaid I, 
 " but here is half-a-crown, and you can change it, 
 and bring me back the eighteen-pence." Well, 
 you are a nice young man." replied she, taking the 
 half-crown. " I'll l)o back directly, my dear.' 
 
 The men in the boat laughed, and the coxswam 
 desired Uicm to shove off.
 
 28 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 "No," obserred I, "you must wait for my eigh- 
 teen-pence." 
 
 '• We shall wait a devilish long while then, I sus- 
 pect. I know that girl, and she has a very bad 
 memory." 
 
 " She cannot be so dishonest or ungrateful," re- 
 plied I. '' Coxswain, I order you to stay — I am an 
 officer." 
 
 " I know you are, sir, about six hours old 3 well, 
 then, I must go up and tell the captain that you have 
 another girl in tow, and that you wont go on board." 
 
 '' O, no, Mr. Coxswain, pray don't ; shove off as 
 soon as you please, and never mind the eighteen- 
 pence." 
 
 The boat then shoved off, and pulled toward the 
 ship, which lay at Spithead. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 1 am introduced to the quarterdeck and first lieutenant, who pronounc- 
 es me very clever — Trotted below to Mrs. Trolttr — Connubial blia* in 
 a cock-pit — Mr. Trotter takti me in, as a messmate — Feel very iiiuch 
 surprised that so many people know tliat 1 am the son of— my Tather. 
 
 On our arrival on board, the coxswain gave a note 
 from the captain to the first lieutenant, who hap- 
 pened to be on deck. He read the note, looked at 
 me earnestly, and then I overheard him say to an- 
 other lieutenant, ''The service is going to the devil. 
 As long as it was not popular, if we had not much 
 education, we at least had the chance that natural 
 abilities gave us 5 but now that great people send 
 their sons for a provision into the navy, we have all 
 the refuse of their families, as if any thing was good 
 enough to make a captain of a man-of-war, who has 
 occasionally more responsibility on his shoulders,
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 59 
 
 and is placed in situations requiring more judgment, 
 than any other people in existence. Here'sanother 
 of the fools of a family made a present of to the 
 country- — another cub for me to lick into shape. 
 Well, I never saw the one yet I did not make some- 
 thing of. Where's Mr. Simple ?" 
 
 "lam Mr. Simple, sir," replied I, very much 
 frightened at what I had overheard. 
 
 " Now, Mr. Simple," said the first lieutenant, 
 " observe, and pay particular attention to wiiat I 
 say. The captain tells me in this note that you 
 have been shamming stupid. Now, sir, I am not to 
 be taken in in that way. You're something like the 
 monkeys, who won't speak bcc^iuse they are afraid 
 they will be made to work. I have looked atten- 
 tively at your face, and I sec at once that you are 
 very clever, and if you do not prove so in a very 
 short time, why — you had bettor jump overboard, 
 that's all. Perfectly understand me. I know that 
 you are a very clever feilow, and having told you so, 
 clon't you pretend to impose upon me, for it won't 
 do." 
 
 I was very much terrified at this speech, but at 
 the same time I was pleased to hear that he thought 
 me clever, and I determined to do all in my power 
 to keep up such an unexpocted reputation. 
 
 " Quarter-master," said the first licutcnaut, " tell 
 Mr. Trotter to come on deck." 
 
 The quarter-master brought up Mr. Trotter, who 
 apologised for being so dirty, as he was breaking 
 casks fiut of the hold. He was a short thirk-sct 
 man, about thirty years of age, with a nose which 
 had a red club t(") it, very dirty teeth, and large black 
 whiskers. 
 
 " Mr. Trotter," said tho first lieutenant, "hero is 
 B young gentleman who has joined the ship. In- 
 troduce him into the berth, and see his hammock 
 slung. You must lr»uk al\er him a little." 
 
 " I really have very little time to look alter any
 
 30 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 of them, sir,'"' replied Mr. Trotter, " but I will do 
 what I can. Follow me, youngster." Accordingly 
 I descended the ladder after him; then I went 
 down another, and then to my surprise I was desir- 
 ed by him to go down a third, which when I had 
 done, he informed me that I was in the cock-pit. 
 
 '•Isow, youngster," said Mr. Trotter, seating him- 
 self upon a large chest, '• you may do as you please. 
 The midshipmen's mess is on the deck above this, 
 and if you like to join, why you can ; but this I will 
 tell you as a friend, that you will be thrashed all 
 day long, and fare very badly ; tlie weakest always 
 goes to the wall there, but perhaps you do not mind 
 that. Now that we are in harbor, I mess here, 
 because Mrs. Trotter is on board. She is a very 
 charming woman, I can assure you, and will be here 
 directly; she has just gone up into the galley to 
 look alter a net of potatoes in the copper. If you 
 like it better, I will ask her permission for you to 
 mess with us. You will then be away from the 
 midshipmen, who are a sad set, and will teach you 
 notliing but what is immoral and improper, and you 
 will have the advantage of being in good society, for 
 Mrs. Trotter has kept the very best in England. I 
 make you this offer because I want to oblige the 
 first lieutenant, who seems to take an interest about 
 you, otherwise I am not very fond of having any in- 
 trusion upon my domestic happiness." 
 
 I replied that I was much obliged to him for his 
 kindness, and that if it would not put Mrs. Trotter 
 to an inconvenience, I should be happy to accept 
 of his offer; indeed, I thought myself very fortunate 
 in having met with such a friend. I had scarcely 
 time to reply, when I perceived a pair of legs, cased 
 in black cotton stockings, on the ladder above us, 
 and it proved that they belonged to Mrs. Troiter, 
 who came down the ladder with a net full of smok- 
 ing potatoes. 
 
 *•' Upon my word, Mrs. Trotter, you must be con-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 31 
 
 scioua of having a very pretty ankle, or you would 
 not venture to display it as you have to Mr. Simple, 
 a young gentleman whom I beg to introduce toypu, 
 and who, with yourpermission, will join our mess." 
 
 " My dear Trotter, how cruel of you not to ^nve 
 me warning ; I thought that nobody was below. 
 I declare I'm so ashamed," continued the lady 
 simpering, and covering her face with the hand 
 which was unemployed. 
 
 " It can't be helped now, my love, neitlier was 
 there any thing to be ashamed of. I trust Mr. 
 Simple and you will be very good friends. I believe 
 I mentioned his desire to join our mess." 
 
 '•I am sure 1 shall be very happy in his company. 
 TliJs is a strange place for me to live in, Mr. Simple, 
 aller the society to which I have been accustomed^ 
 but affection can make any sacrifice j and rather thaji 
 lose the company of my dear Trotter, who has been 
 unfortunate in pecuniary matters — " 
 
 " Say no more about it, my love. Domestic 
 happiness is every thing, and will enliven even the 
 gloom of a cock-pit." 
 
 '' And yet," continued Mrs. Trotter, '• when I 
 tliink of the time when we used to live in London, 
 and keep our carriage. Have you ever been in 
 London, Mr. Simple ?" 
 
 I answered that I had. 
 
 '•Then, probably, you may have been acquainted 
 with, or have heard of, the Smiths." 
 
 I replied that the only people that I knew there, 
 were a Mr. and Mrs. Handy(<»ck. 
 
 •• Well, if 1 had known tliat you were in London, 
 '. sliould have been verv' glad to have given you a 
 letter of introduction to the Smiths. They are 
 quite the topping people of the place." 
 
 '• But my dear," interrupted Mr. Trotter, " is it 
 not time to look after our dinner V 
 
 '' Yes ; I am going forward for it now. We have 
 kkewer pieces to day. Mr. Simple, will you excuse
 
 32 PETER SLMPLE. 
 
 me ?" — and then, with a great deal of flirtation and 
 laughing about her ankles, and requesting me, as a 
 favor, to turn my face away, Mrs. Trotter ascended 
 the ladder. 
 
 As the reader may wish to know what sort of 
 looking personage she was, I will take this opportu- 
 nity to describe her. Her figure was very good, 
 and at one period of her life I thought her face 
 must have been very handsome ; at the time I was 
 introduced to her it showed the ravages of time or 
 hardship very distinctly 5 in short, she might be 
 termed a faded beauty, flaunting in her dress, and 
 not very clean in her person. 
 
 " Charming woman, Mrs. Trotter, is she not, 
 Mr. Simple ?' said the master's mate ; to which 
 of course I immediately acquiesced. " JVow, Mr. 
 Simple,'' continued he, " there are a few arrange- 
 ments which I had better mention while Mrs. 
 Trotter is away, for she would be shocked at our 
 talking about such things. Of course the style of 
 living which we indulge in is rather expensive. 
 Mrs. Trotter cannot dispense with her tf a and her 
 other little comforts 5 at the same time I must put 
 you to no e.\tra expense — I had rather be out of 
 pocket myself. I propose that during the time you 
 mess with us, you shall only pay one guinea per 
 week ; and, as for entrance money, why 1 think 
 I must not charge yea more than a couple of 
 guineas. Have you any money V 
 
 " Yes," I replied, " I have three guineas and a 
 half left." 
 
 " Well, then, give me three guineas, and the 
 half-guinea you can reserve for pocket-money. 
 You must write to your friends immediately for a 
 further supply." 
 
 I handed him the money, which he put in his 
 pocket. '' Your chest," continued he, " you shaJI 
 bring down here, for Mrs. Trotter will, I 'nm sure, 
 if 1 request it, not only keep it in order for you.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 9$ 
 
 but aee that your clothes are jprop>€rly mended. Sb« 
 is a charming woman, Mrs. Trotter, and very fond 
 of younj: i^'entlemen. How old are you ?' 
 
 I replied that I was fifteen. 
 
 "No more! well, I am glad of that, for Mrs. 
 Trotter is very particular after a certain age ; I 
 should recommend you on no account to associate 
 with the other midshipmen. They are very angry 
 with me, because I would not permit Mrs. Trotter 
 to join their mess, and they are sad story-tellers." 
 " That they certainly are/' replied 1 ; but here 
 we were interrupted by Mrs. Trotter cominjj down 
 with a piece of stick in her hand, upon which were 
 skewered about a dozen small pieces of beef and 
 pork, which slie first laid on a plate, and then began 
 to lav the cloth, and prepare for dinner. 
 
 " Air. Simple is only fifteen, my dear," observed 
 Mr. Trotter. 
 
 '• Dear me,'' replied Mrs. Trotter, " why, how 
 tall he is ! He is quite as tall, for his age. as young 
 Lord Fourtretown, whom you used to take out with 
 you in the cliay. Do you'know Lord Fourtretown, 
 Mr. Simple?"' 
 
 " No, 1 do not, ma'am," replied I ; but, wishing 
 to let them know that I was well connected, I con- 
 tinued, "but I dare sny that my grandfather, Lord 
 l'rivile;ie. does." 
 
 *'(Jod bless me! is Lord Privilejjo your grand- 
 father ? Well, I thought I saw a likeness some- 
 where. Don't you rocolleft Lord Privilege, my 
 dear Trotter, that w<! met at Lady Scamp's — an 
 elderly person f It's very ungrateful of you not to 
 recollect him, for he sent you a very fi'ie haunch 
 of venison." 
 
 " Privilege— l»|ess me. yen. O yes ! an old gentle- 
 man, is he not ?' said Mr. Trotter, appealing to me. 
 
 " Yes, sir," replied I, quite delighted to find 
 myself amonjjst those who were acquainted with 
 my family. 
 
 vol.. I. 3
 
 34 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " Well, tlien, Mr. Simple,'" said Mrs. Trotter, 
 "since we have tlie pleasure of being acouaiiited 
 witii your family, I shall now take you undei mv 
 own cliarge, and I shall be so fond of yoa, thit 
 TrcUer si jdl become quite jealous,'' added aho, 
 laughing. " We h.ave but a poor dlnr.er to-day, for 
 the bum-boat wi^man disappointed me. I particu- 
 larly requested her to bring me off a log of lamb, 
 but she says that there was none in the market. 
 It is rather early for it, that's true, but Trotter is 
 very nice in his catinj. Now let us sit down to 
 dinner." 
 
 I felt very sick indeed, and could eat nothing. 
 Our dinner consisted of the pieces of beef rjvl 
 pork, the potatoes, and a baked padding in a tin 
 dish. Mr. Trotter went up to serve tlie spirits out 
 to the Siiip's company, and returned witli a bottle 
 of rum. 
 
 '• Have you got Mr. Simple's aiiawaoce,iny love V 
 inquir.7cl Mr?. Trotter. 
 
 " Yes. he is virtualled to-day, as he came on 
 board before twelvie o'clock. Do you drink r.pirllr.. 
 Mr. S'lnitde ?" 
 
 ' "so. i thank you," replied T. for I remomhoif u 
 tl:e captain's injn :ct!on. 
 
 •^T?^inj;. as I do, fuch an in' 
 fare, f maVt earr.-^stly recomm: ; 
 fi-o::^ :"; -.:>." ^aid Mr. Trotter. 
 hr^bir. "i:,! ";^c-o ^ ••";:iired, m-t e^ ■ 
 am ';'bi'..c \ to uriiik tiiem that 1 ;■■- 
 persnirati'^'a after wr.rking in the. ikIU; 1 ..■ . 
 nevertheless, a natural abhorrence of them, •;;:* •.: 
 champagne and cliretd.iys are go;\c by, and I uiu.it 
 submit tp circumstances." 
 
 .'^My poor Trotter!*' said the lady. 
 
 '•' Well."' continued he, '• it's a poor heart that 
 never reioicclh.' tie then poured out half a tum^ 
 tner O! rui;\. and filled the glass up with water. 
 
 *-My love, will ypu taste^ it ?"
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 35 
 
 " Now. Trotter, you know lliat I never touch it, 
 except when the water is so bad, that I must have 
 the taste taken away. How is the water to-day ?" 
 
 "As usual, my dear, not drinkable." .After much 
 
 fersuasion.iMrs. Trotter agreed to sip a little out ot* 
 is glass. I thought that she took it pretty often, 
 considering that she did not like it, but I felt so 
 unwell that I was obliged to go on the main-deck. 
 There I was met by a midshipman whom I had not 
 ceen before. He looked very earnestly in my face, 
 and then asked my name. " .Simple ?" said he j 
 "what, are you the son of old .Simple ?'' 
 
 " Yes, sir," replied I, astonished that so many 
 fhould know my family. •'Well, I thought so by 
 the likeness. And how is your father?" 
 
 '■'Very well. I thank you, sir." 
 
 " When you write to him, make my compliments, 
 and tell Irim that I desired to be particularly re- 
 membered to him ;■' and he walked forward, but as 
 he forgot to mention his own name, I could not 
 do it. 
 
 I went to bed very tired ; Mr. Trotter had my 
 hammock hung up in the co<k-pit, separated by a 
 < ;invass screen from the cot in which he slept with 
 his wife. 1 thought tliis very odd, but tliey told nie 
 it was the general < ustom on board ship, although 
 Mrs. Trclter's delicacy was very much siiocked by 
 it. I was very sick, but Mrs. Trotter was very 
 '•ind. When 1 was in bed she kis.sed me and 
 wislied r»c good night, and very soon afterwardi 
 I fell fast asleep.
 
 PETER SIMPLE 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Puzzled with very coniinon.worJs — ^Mrs-Trotlei (a/.-s care of my ward- 
 robe — A matrimouiHl duel, euUiiig eon slrcjiilo. 
 
 I AWOKE the next morning at daylight with a 
 noise over my head which sounded like tJiunder ; 
 I found it proceeded from hohstoniug and wasiiing 
 down the main-deck. 1 was very much refreshed 
 nevertheless, and did not ieel "the least sick or 
 giddy. Mr. Trotter who had been up at four o'clock, 
 came Ao\vn and directed one of tlie marines to fetch 
 me some water. I washed myself on my cliest, 
 and then went on the main-deck, v.iiich they were 
 swabbing dry. Standing by the sentry at the cabin 
 door, I met one of the midshipmen with whom I 
 had been in company at the Blue Posts. 
 
 *' So, Master Simple, old Trotter and his fagot of 
 a wife have got hold of you — have they 7' said he. 
 I replied, that 1 did not know the meani;ig of fa^ot. 
 but that I considered Mrs. Trotter a very charming 
 woman. At wliich he burst into a loud laugh. 
 " Well," said he, '• I'll just give you a caution. 
 Take care, or they'll make a clean sweep. Has 
 Mrs. Trotter shown you her ankle yet ?"' 
 
 "Yes," I replied," and a very pretty one it is." 
 
 "Ahl she's at her old tricks. You had much 
 better have joined our mess at once. Ycu're not 
 the first -greenhorn that they have plucked. Well," 
 said he, as he walked away, •• keep the key of your 
 own chest — that's all."' 
 
 But as Mr. 'JVotter had warned mc that the 
 midshipmen would abuse them, 1 paid very little 
 attention to wliat he said. When he left me I went 
 on the (lu irter-deck. A!l the sailors were busy at 
 work, and the firtt lieutenant cried out to the gun- 
 ner, "'jNow, Mr. D)sj)art. if you are ready, we'll 
 breech these i-un:;.'"
 
 PETEK SIMPLE. 37 
 
 "Now, my latjs," said the first lieutenant, "we 
 must slue (the part tliat breeches cover) more for- 
 ward." As I never heard of a gun having breeches, 
 I was verv curious to see what was going on, and 
 went up close to the first lieutenant, who said to 
 me, " \oungstcr, hand me that 7no)ikey's tail." I 
 saw nothing like a motikey's tail, but I was so 
 frightened tliat i snatched up the first thing that I 
 saw, which w;is a short bar of iron, and it so hap- 
 pened tliat it w.is tlic very article which he wanted, 
 when 1 gave it to Iiim, the first lieutenant looked 
 at me, and said, " So you know what a monkey's 
 tail is already, dT) you ! iS'ow don't you ever sham 
 stupid al\er that.'' 
 
 Thought I to myself, I'm very lucky, but if that's 
 a monkey's tail it's a very stiff one ! 
 
 I resolved to learn the names of ever)' thing as 
 fast as I could, that I might be prepared, so 1 list- 
 ened attentively to what was said ; but I soon 
 became quite confused, and despaired of remem- 
 bering any thing. 
 
 " How is this to be finished off, sir V inquired a 
 sailor of the boatswain. 
 
 " Why, I beg leave to hint to vou, sir. in the 
 most delicate manner in the world," re|)lied the 
 boatswain, '• that it must be with a tUnible-iL-all — 
 and b«- d d to you — don't you know that yet ? 
 Captain of the foretop," said he, ''up on your horses, 
 ami take your stirrups up three inciics.' ' .\y, ay, 
 sir." (I looked and looked, but I could see no 
 horses.) 
 
 " Mr. Chucks," said the first lieutenant to the 
 boatswain, '' what blocks have we below — not on 
 charge ?'' 
 
 " Let me see, sir, I've one tixter, t'othe • wc split 
 in half the other day, and I think I have a couple 
 of monkfyi down in the store-room. I say, you 
 Smith, pass that brace tlirough the bitU'a eyr, and 
 take the sheepshank out before you come down."
 
 38 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 And then ho asked the first lieutenant whether 
 something should not be lit'f3d v.ith a maiise or only 
 a iurk's-head — told him the goose-neck must be 
 spread out by the armorer as soon as the forge was 
 up. In short, what with dead-eyes and shrouds, 
 cats ind cat-blocks, dolphins and dolphin-strikers, 
 tchips and puddings, I was so puzzled with what I 
 heard, that 1 was aliout to leave the deck in abso- 
 lute despair. 
 
 "And, Mr. Chucks, recollect this afternoon that 
 you bleed all the buoys." 
 
 Bleed the boys, thought I, what can that be for ? 
 at ail events, the surgeon appears to be the proper 
 person to perform that operation. 
 
 This last incomprehensible remark drove me off 
 the deck, and I retreated to the cock-pit, where I 
 found Mrs. Trotter. '• O my dear !" said she, •' I 
 am glad you are come, as I wish to put your clothes 
 in order." Have you a list of them — where is your 
 key V I replied that I had not a list, and I handed 
 her the key, although I did not forget the caution 
 of the midshipman : yet I considered that there 
 could be no harm in her looking over my clothes 
 when I was present. She unlocked my chest, and 
 pulled every thing out, and then commenced telling 
 me what v/ere likely to be useful and Vv'hat were 
 not. 
 
 '• Isow these worsted stockings," she said, " will 
 be very comfortable in cold v,-eather, and in the 
 summer time these brown cotton socks will be 
 deliglitfuUy cool, and you have enough of each to 
 last you till you outgrow them ; but as for these fine 
 cotton stockings, ihey are of no use — only catch 
 the dirt when the decks are swept, and always look 
 untidy. I wonder how they could be so foolish as 
 to send them 3 nobody wears them on board ship 
 now-a-days. They are only fit for women — I won- 
 der if they would tit me." She turned her chair 
 away, and put on one of my stockings, laughing the
 
 PETKR SIMPLE. 39 
 
 wholo of the time. Then she liirned round to me,and 
 showed mc h-jw nicely they littod her. " Bless you, 
 Mr. Simple, it's well that Trotter is in tlie hold, 
 he'd be so jor.lous — do yon know what these stock- 
 in;;s cost ? They arc of no use to you, and they 
 fit m'j. 1 will spoaU to Trotter, and take tl-.cm off 
 your hands." I rejdicd, that ! ecu'.d not think of 
 Felling them, and a>: they were of no u.^e to ms and 
 iiit'jd her, 1 be/ied tliat si.e wou!<l accej)t of the 
 tiozen pair. At itrst she p«:si»ively rclused. hut as I 
 prcsseu lier sI.e at l&st ro.-.fcnt','.!. and I wa-j very 
 
 -xppvto '^\\ 
 nJ I t|ji;uj 
 
 ,'ht, with her i'H.-baiuI, that she was a 
 very clnrniin^ woman. 
 
 Wc had berf-steaks ar.d onions fo: dinner that 
 day, but I coull not Ixi.ir the !:n:cii cf t!ie onions. 
 Mr. Trotter came down very eros.s, bee luse the first 
 lieutenant I.aJ found fault with him. He ::woro that 
 he wou'.l cut the .sorvrc — llsit lie hal only remain- 
 ed to obli:^c tlie ciptiin, w::<) siid that lie would 
 sooner oart with his ri;j!:t arm, and that he would 
 demand ^•ati'^faolion of ih'^ fii 5t lieutenant as soon 
 OS he ccul'l obtiin his discharge. Mrs. Trott'-r did 
 all she could to p-icify l.im. reminded him, tl;.it he 
 had the prolcrtiou of Lord tills unJ Sir '^!'I;om-.s that, 
 Yfhii would see him ri.htcd. 5 but in vain. TiiC first 
 licutpna>!t had told him. Ir; slid, that ho was not 
 worth his silt, and blo-id on!; e- dd wipe away the 
 insult. He drank v'.'is of ^'r''.- i'";er jtIlss of ;rro;T:, 
 aiid each pla.'^s becajiy r.ur. violr-nt, and Mrs. 
 Trotter drank also. I observed, a great dc d more 
 than I t!iou;,dji fhc ou.;lit to have done ; l.-ut rhe 
 whispered to me, that Siic drank it that Trotter 
 mi'^ht not, as he would certninb 1/C tipsy. I thou -ht 
 this vrry devnfod on her part ; ^^ut they sat p-j l;>to 
 that I went to l)rd and leU them — he still drinking 
 and vowiiii,' \e:ij''- M. <• a a.D^r tie lir.-t lieutenant. 
 I had not been a b cp a!;ov fvo cr three l.j'urs, 
 when I v.as av.uk: i.cd by a S'/cit ncirc and quar-
 
 4a PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 relling, and I discovered that Mr. Trotter waa 
 (drunk and beating his wife. Very much shocked 
 that such a charming woman should be beaten and 
 ill-used, I scrambled out of my hammock to see if 
 I could be of any assistance, but it was dark al- 
 though they scuffled as much as before. I asked 
 the marine, who was sentry at the gun-room door, 
 above.to bring his lantern, and was very much shock- 
 ed at his replying that I had better go to bed, and 
 let tliem fi^^ht it out. 
 
 Shortly afterwards Mrs.Trotter,who had not taken 
 off her clothes, came from behind the screen. 1 
 perceived at once that the poor woman could hard- 
 ly stand : she reeled to my chest, where she sat 
 down ar.d cried. I pulled on my clothes as fast as 
 I could, and then went up to her to console her^ 
 but she could not speak intelligibly. After attempt- 
 ing in vain to comfort her, she made me no answer, 
 but staggered to my hammock, and, after several 
 attempts, succeeded in getting into it. I cannot 
 say that I much liked that, but what could I do ? 
 So I finished dressing myself, and went up on the 
 quarter-deck. 
 
 The midshipman who had the watch was the one 
 who had cautioned me against the Trotters ; he was 
 very friendly to me. '-"Well, Simple ;" said he, 
 '•'what brings you on deck?" I told him how ill 
 Mr. Trotter had behaved to his wife, and how she 
 had turned into my hammock. 
 
 " The cursed drunken old catamaran," cried he j 
 " I'll go and cut her down by the head j" but I re- 
 quested he would not, as she was a lady. 
 
 " A lady 1" replied he, ''yes, there's plenty of 
 ladies of her description ;'' and then he informed 
 me that she had many years ago been the mistress 
 of a man of fortune, who kept a carriage for her j 
 but that he grew tired of her, and had given Trot- 
 ter 200/. to marry her.and that now they did nothing 
 but get drunk together and fight with each other.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 41 
 
 I was very much annoyed to liear all this ; but 
 as I perceived that Mrs. Trotter was not sober, I 
 began to think that what the midshipman naid was 
 true. •* I hope," added he, '' that siie has not had 
 lime to wheedle you out of any of your clothes." 
 
 I told him that I had i^iven her a dozen pairs of 
 stockings, and had paid Mr. Trotter three guineas 
 for my mess. " This must be looked to,'' replied 
 he ; " I shall speak to the first lieutenant to-mor- 
 row. In the meantime, I shall get your liammock 
 for you. Quarter-master, keep a pood lookout." 
 He then went below, and I followjd him, to see 
 w hnt he would do. He went to my hammock and 
 lowered it down at one end, so that Mrs. Trottei 
 lay with her head on tlie deck in a very uncomfort- 
 able position. To my astonishment, she swore at 
 him in a dreadful manner, but refused to turn out. 
 He was abusing her, and shaking her in the ham- 
 mock, when Air. Trotter, who had been roused by 
 the noise, rushed from behind the screen. " You 
 villain I what are you doing with my wife ?" cried he 
 pummelling at him as well as he could, for he was 
 80 tipsy that he could hardly stand. 
 
 I thought the midshipman able to take care of 
 himself, and did not wish to interfere ; so I remain- 
 ed above, looking on — the sentry standing by me 
 with his lantern over the roombings of the hatcli- 
 way to give light to the midshipman, and to witness 
 the fray. Mr. Trotter was soon knocked down, 
 when all of a sudden Mrs. Trotter jumped up from 
 the hammock, and caught the midshipman by the 
 hair, and pulled at him. Then the sentry thought 
 right to interfere ; he called f»ut for the niastt-r-at- 
 arms, and went down himself to help tlie niidsliii>- 
 nian, who was faring badly l)etween the two. Hut 
 Mrs. Trotter snatched the lantern out of his hand 
 and smashed it all to pieces, and then we were all 
 led in darkness, and I could not sec what took 
 place, although the scuffling continued. Such waa
 
 42 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 the posture of affairs when the master-at arms came 
 up with his liL^ht. The midshipmnn and sentry 
 went up the ladder, and Mr. and Mrs. Trotter con- 
 tinued beating each other. To this none of them 
 paid any attention, saying as the sentry had said 
 before, '• Let them fight it out.'' 
 
 After they had fought some time, they retired 
 behind the screen, and I followed the advice of the 
 midshipman and got into my hammock, which the 
 master-at-arms hung up again for me. 1 heard Mr. 
 and Mrs. Trotter both crying and kissing each 
 other. " Cruel, cruel Mr. Trotter," said she, blub- 
 bering. 
 
 " My life, my love, I was so jealous !" replied he. 
 
 "D — n and blast your jealousy," replied the 
 lady 5 " Fve two nice black eyes for the galley to- 
 morrow." After about ain hour of kissing and scold- 
 ing, they both fell asleep again. 
 
 The next morning before breakfast, the midship- 
 man reported to the first lieutenant the conduct of 
 Mr. Trotter and his wife. I was sent for, and 
 obliged to acknowledge that it was all true. He 
 sent" for Mr. Trotter, who replied that he was not 
 well, and could not come on deck. Upon which 
 the first lieutenant ordered the sergeant of marines 
 to bring him up directly. Mr. Trotter made 
 his appearance, with one eye closed, and his face 
 very much scratched. 
 
 "■ Did I not desire you, sir," said the first lioiiten- 
 ant, "' to introduce this young gentleman into the 
 midshipmen's berth ? instead of wiiich you have 
 introduced him to that disgraceful wife of yours, 
 and have swindled him out of his property, f order 
 you immediately to return the three guineas, which 
 you received as mess-money, and also that your 
 wife give back the stockings which she cajoled him 
 out of." 
 
 But then I interposed, and told the first lieuten- 
 ant that the stockings had been a free gift on my
 
 PLTER iflMFLE. 43 
 
 part ; and that, although I had been very foolisli, 
 yrt tli:it 1 considered that 1 could not in honor de- 
 inanil them back again. 
 
 " Well, youngster,'' replied the tirbt lieutenant, 
 " perhaps your ideas are correct, and if you wish it, 
 I will not enforce that part of my order ; but," con- 
 tined he to Mr. Trotter, '' I desire sir, that your 
 wife leave the ship immediately ; and I trust that 
 when I have reported your conduct to the captain, 
 he will serve you in the same manner. In the 
 mean time, you will consider yourself under an 
 arrest for drunkenness." 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Scandaliim mngnntum clf«rly proved — I prove to the cnptain tlmt I con- 
 miler Imii « griiilem lu allliuugli I bad told liim Uic contrary, and I 
 pnive to tiie inidnliipiiieu lliat I am a gentleman myarir— Tbiy prove 
 tiieir ;n>lilude l>y pracljaiug upon ms, because practice makes per* 
 feci. 
 
 TilK captain came on board about twelve o'clock, 
 and ordered the discharge of Mr. Trotter to be 
 made out, as soon as the first lieutenant had report- 
 ed what had occurretl. H«' then sent for all the 
 midshipmen on the Jiuarter-deck. 
 
 " Gentlemen,"' saitJ tlie captain to them with a 
 stern counteiiancc, " I feel very much indebted to 
 some of you for the character which you have been 
 pleased to give of me to Mr. Simj)lc. I must 
 now request that you will answer a few questions 
 which I am alM>ut to put in his presence. Did I 
 ever tlog the wliolc- atarbtjard watch, because tlie 
 ship would only sail nine knots on a bowling 1" 
 
 "No, sir, no !" replied they all, very much fright- 
 ened.
 
 44 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " Did I ever give a midshipman four dozen I'or 
 not liaving his weekly accounts pipe-clayed, or 
 another five dozen for wearing a scarlet" Avatch- 
 riband!'' 
 
 '• Iso, sir " replied they, altogether. 
 
 '- Did any midshipman ever die on his chest from 
 fatigue ?" 
 
 They again replied in the negative. 
 
 "Then, gentlemen, you will oblige me by stating 
 which of you thought proper to assert these false- 
 hoods in a public coffee-room 5 and farther, which 
 of you obliged this youngster to risk his life in a 
 duel ?•' 
 
 They were all silent. 
 
 '• Will you answer me, gentlemen V 
 
 " With respect to the duel, sir," replied the mid- 
 shipman who had fought me, '•' I heard say, that the 
 pistols were only charged with powder. It was a 
 joke." 
 
 '• Well, sir, we'll allow that the duel was only a 
 joke, (and I hope and trust that your report is cor- 
 rect ;) is the reputation of your captain only a joke, 
 allow me to ask ? I request to know who of you 
 dared to propagate such injurious slander ?" (Here 
 there was a dead pause.) " Well then, gentlemen, 
 since you will not confess yourselves, I must refer 
 to my authority. Mr. Simple, have the goodness 
 to point out the person or persons who gave you 
 the information." 
 
 But I thought this would not be fairj and as they 
 had all treated me very kindly ai\er the duel, I 
 resolved not to tell ; so I answered, " If you please, 
 sir,I consider that I told you all that in confidence." 
 
 " Confidence, sir," replied the captain ; '• who 
 ever heard of confidence between a post-captain 
 and a midshipman ?" 
 
 " No, sir," replied I, " not between a post-cap- 
 tain and a midshipman, but between two gentle- 
 men."
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 45 
 
 The first lieutenant, who stood by the captain, 
 put hii5 hand before his face to hide a laugh. " He 
 niHV be a fool, sir," observed he to the captiin, 
 aside, " but I can assure you he is a very straight- 
 forw;ud one." 
 
 -The captnin bit his lip, and then turning to the 
 midshipmen, said, " You may thank IMr. Simple, 
 •rentlomcn that I do not press this matter further. 1 
 <lo believe that you were not serious when you ca- 
 lumniated mc ; but recollect that what is said in 
 a joke is too often repeated in earnest. 1 trust that 
 Mr. Simple's conduct will have its effect, and that 
 you will leave o!f practising upon him, who has 
 saved you from a very severe punishment." 
 
 When the midshipmen went down below, they 
 all 6hof)k hands witli me, and said that I was a good 
 fellow for not peaching •, but as for the advice of 
 the captain that they should not practise upon n>e, 
 a.s he termed it, they forgot that, for they com- 
 menced again immediately, and never left olf until 
 they found that I wa^^ not to be deceived any longer. 
 
 1 had not been ten minutes in the berth before 
 ihey be-jan their remarks upon me. One said that 
 I looked like a hardy fellow, and asked me whether 
 I could not bear a good deal of sleep. 
 
 I replied that I could, 1 dare say, if it was neces- 
 sary for the poofl of the service ; at which they 
 laughed, and 1 supposed that I had said a good 
 thing. 
 
 " Why here's Tomkins,'' said the miilshipman; 
 '• he'll show you how to perform tliat part of your 
 duty. He inherit.s it from his fathfr. who was a 
 marine olHcer. He can snore for i'ourteen hours on 
 a stretch without once turnin;,' round in his ham- 
 mock, and finish his nap on the chest during the 
 wliole of thf day excopt meal times." 
 
 But 'J'onikins tiefemlcd himself by saying, that 
 "some |>ei)ple were very ouick in doing things, and 
 others were vtrv slow : tliat he was one of the
 
 4() PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 slow ones, and that he did not in reality obtain mere 
 refreshment from his long naps than other people 
 (lid in short ones, because he slept much slower 
 than they did." 
 
 Tills ingenious argument was, however, over- 
 ruled iiem. con., as it was proved that he ate pud- 
 ding faster than any one in the mess. 
 
 Tlie postman came on board with the letters, and 
 put his head into the midshipmen's berth. 1 was 
 very anxious to have one from home, but I was dis- 
 appointed. Some had letters and some had not. 
 
 Those who had not, declared that their parents 
 were very undutiful, and that they would cut them 
 off with a shillings and those who had letters, after 
 they had read them, offered them for sale to the 
 otliers. usually at half price. I could not imagine 
 wl;y they sold, or why the others bought them; but 
 tlioy did so : and one that was full of good advice 
 was sold tliree times, from which circumstance 1 
 was inclined to form a better opinion of the morals 
 of my companions. Tlie lowest priced letters sold 
 were those written by sisters. I was oifercd one 
 for a penny, but 1 declined buying, as I had plenty 
 of sisters of my own. Directly after I made tiiat 
 observation they immediately inquired all their 
 names and whetlser they were pretty or not. When. 
 I had informed them, they quarrelled to v.hom tiiey 
 sliould belong. One would have Lucy, and anoth- 
 er tcok 3lary 5 but there was a great dispute about 
 EUea, as I had said that she was the prettiest of 
 tlie whole. At last they agreed to put her up to 
 auction, and she was knocked down to a master's 
 mate of the name of O'Brien, who bid seventeen 
 shillings and a bottle of rum. They requested tiiat 
 1 would write home to give their love to my sisters, 
 and tell them how they had been disposed of, which 
 I tiiought very strange ; but I mght to have been 
 flattered at tlie price bid for Ellen, as I repeatedly 
 have =!Gce been witness to a very pretty sislcr ba 
 ing soiu for a glass of grog.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 47 
 
 I mentioned the reason why I was so anxious for 
 a letter, viz. be<-ause I wanted to buy n»y dirk and 
 cocked liat ; upon whicii tliey told me that there 
 was no occaiiion for my spendini; my money, as, 
 by the rci,'ulutions of the service, the purser's stew- 
 ard served them out to all tlie othcers who applied 
 for tliem. -\s I knew where the purser's steward's 
 room was, having seen it wlien down in the cock- 
 pit with the Trotters, I went down immediately. 
 " Mr, I'urser's .Steward," said I, '' let me have a 
 cocked hat and dirk immediately.'' 
 
 '* \ery gootl, sir," replied lie, and he wrote an 
 order upon a slip of paper, w hich ho handed to me. 
 " There is the order for it, sir ; but tlie cocked hats 
 are kcjjt up in the clicst in the maintop ; and as for 
 the dirk, you must apply to the butclicr, who has 
 them uniler his charge." 
 
 I went up with the order, and thouslit I would 
 first apply lor the dirk ; so I iiujuirrd for if.e luitcli- 
 er, wh«>nj 1 found sitting in tlie she(?p-pen with the 
 sheep, mending his trousers. In reply to my de- 
 mand, he told me that he had not the key of tlio 
 store-room, wliich was under the charge of one of 
 the corporals of marines, 
 
 I inquired who, and he said, " Cheeks* the ma- 
 rine." 
 
 1 went every wliere about the ship, inquiring for 
 Checks the mnrinc. but could not find him. Srnie 
 said that thry believed he w.is in the forotop, .si.in- 
 din„' sentry over llu; wind, tliat it mitilit not chaiirrc ; 
 others, lliat he was in the tralley, to prevent the 
 miclsliipmen from soaking their biscuit in tlie ca|«- 
 tain's dripping pan. At last, 1 inquired of scnie of 
 the women who were standing between the guns en 
 the main-deck, and one of them answered that it 
 was no use looking for him among them, au tli'.-y 
 
 *Th!« crlrbraUd [>rr*oniv{e U the pro(ut>p« uf Mi. nobody nn boBnt 
 oT amuiurwiir.
 
 43 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 all had husbands, and Cheeks was a tvidow^s man.* 
 As I could not find the marine, I thouglit I might 
 as well go for my cocked hat, and get my dirk af- 
 terwards. I did not much like going up the rigging, 
 because I was afraid of turning giddy, and if 1 fell 
 overboard I could not swim; but one of the mid- 
 shipmen offered to accompany me, stating that I 
 need not be afraid, if I fell overboard, of sinking to 
 the bottom, as if I was giddy, my head, at all events, 
 woidd swim; so I determined to venture. 1 climb- 
 ed up very near to the main-top.but not without mis- 
 sing the little ropes very often, and grazing the skin 
 off my shins. Then 1 came to the large ropes 
 stretched out from the mast, so that you must climb 
 them with your head backwards. " The midship- 
 man told me these were called the cat-harpings, 
 because they were so difficult to climb, that a cat 
 would expostulate if ordered to go out by iheni. 1 
 was afraid to venture, and then he proposed that I 
 should go through lubber's hole, which he said had 
 been made for people like me. I agreed to attempt 
 it, as it appeared more easy, and at last arrived, 
 quite out of breath, and very happy to find myself 
 in tlie main-top. 
 
 The captain of the main-top was there with tv/o 
 other sailors. The midshipman introduced me ver/ 
 politely : — '' Mr. Jenkins — Mr. Simple, midshipman, 
 — Mr. Simple — Mr. Jenkins, captain of the main- 
 top. Mr. Jeinkns.Mr. Simple has come up with 
 an order for a cocked hat." The captain of the 
 top replied that he was very sorry that he had not 
 one in store, but the last had been served out to the 
 captain's monkey. This was very provoking. The 
 captain of the top then asked me if I was ready 
 with my footing. 
 
 * Widows' men are imaginary sailors, borne on tlie bookt and re- 
 ceiving pay and prize-money, which is appropriated to Greeuwicli lio»pi-
 
 I repliel, " Not very, for 1 had lost il two or three 
 times when coming up." He lau^jhed, and replied, 
 Uiat i should loae it altogetiier before 1 went down; 
 and that I must haiid it cat. " Hand out my foot- 
 ing," said I, puzzled, and appealing to tlio midship- 
 man : " what does he mean .'"' " Ho means that you 
 must fork rut n seven-shillin^r bit." I was just as 
 wi^o as ever, and stared very much ; when Mr. 
 Jenkins desired the other men to get halt' a dozen 
 foxes and make a spread ea-^U of me, unless he had 
 his pirkis'tP. I never should have found out what 
 it nil rncnni > id not llic midshipman, who laughed 
 till he cried, at list informed me ttiat it was the 
 custom to pivp the men somethinp to drink the first 
 time that i eame ahilt. and that if 1 did not, they 
 would tie me up to the ritrtring. 
 
 Having no money in my pocket, I promised to 
 pay them as eoon as I went below ; but Mr. Jenk- 
 ins would not trust me, I then became very angry, 
 and inquired of him ''if he doubted my honor." 
 He replied. " Not in the least, but that he must have 
 the seven shillings boiorc 1 went below.' •' Why, 
 sir," said I, '• do you know whom you are speaking 
 to / 1 am an olficcr and a gciitlcman. Do you know 
 wlio my grandfather is V 
 
 "Ove.'.," replied, he " very well." 
 
 <* Tficn, wijo is he, sir ?" replied I, very angrily. 
 
 " Who i> he ! why he's the /.ord htmos who." 
 
 " No," n^plied I, *• tliat's not his name; he ifl 
 Lord Privilege.'' (1 was very much surprised that 
 he knew that my crandl'ather wa.s a lord.) " And 
 do you Huppoto," continued I. "that I would forfeit 
 the iKinorof my family for a paltry seven shillings?" 
 
 Thif observation ot mine, and a promise on the 
 
 pirt «»r the midihinman, who said ho would Ik* bail 
 
 M^r. Jenkins, and he allowed mo to 
 
 ,_'. I went to my chest and paid 
 
 I , to one of th<' tnp-men who fol- 
 
 1 Av; d iiic, aiKl then .vent up o:i the main-d«ck, t» 
 
 V.il.. I. \
 
 *0 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 learn as much as I could of my profession. I ask- 
 ed a great many questions of tlic midshipmen rela- 
 tive to the truns, and they crowded round me to an- 
 swer them. One told me they were called the fri- 
 gate's teeth, because they stopped the Frenchman's 
 jcuv. Another midshipman said that he had been 
 so often in action that he was called the Fire-eater. 
 I asked him how it was that he escaped being kill- 
 ed. He replied that lie always made it a rule, up- 
 on the first cannon ball coming through the ship's 
 side,, to put his head into the hole wiiich it had 
 made 5 as by calculation made by Professor Ii>n- 
 man, the odds were 32,6-17 and some decimals to 
 boot, that another ball would not come in at the 
 same hole. That's what I never should have 
 thought of. 
 
 CHAPTER VHI. 
 
 My messmates sliow me 1 be Tolly of running in ilfbt— Duty cnrrieil on 
 politely — 1 became acquainted wiili K>me gentleman of the Home De- 
 partment— Tne Episode (if Shollo MToy. 
 
 Now that I have been on board about a month, I 
 find that my life is not disagreeable. I don't smell 
 the pitch and tar, and 1 can get into my hammock 
 without tumbling out on the other side. My mess- 
 mates are good-tempered, although they laugh at 
 me very much ; but I must say that they are not 
 T«ry nice in their ideas of honor. They appear to 
 consider that to take you in is a capital" joke 5 and 
 tWt because they laugh at the time that they are 
 C*- wiring you, it then becomes no cheating at all. 
 r. jw I cannot think otherwise than that cheating is 
 cheating, and that a person is not a bit more honest
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 31 
 
 because he laughs at you in the bargain. A few 
 days atler I came on board, I purchased some tarts 
 of the bumboat woman, as she is called ; I wished 
 to pay for tliem, but she had no change, and very 
 civilly told me she would trust me. She produced 
 a narrow book, and said that she would open an ac- 
 count with me, and I could pay her when 1 thought 
 proper. To this arranj;enient I had no objection, 
 and 1 sent up for diiferent things until I thought that 
 my account must have amounted to eleven or 
 twelve shillings. As I promised my father that I ne- 
 ver would run in debt, I considered that it was 
 then time that it should be settled. When I asked 
 for it, what was my surprise to find that it amounted 
 to 21. lis. Gd. ! 1 declar«Hl that it was impossible, 
 and re(juosted that she would allow me to look at 
 the items, when I f«mnd that I was booked for at 
 least three or four dozen tarts every day, ordered 
 by tiie young gentleman '• to be put down to Mr. 
 Sitnpls's account.'' I was very much shocked, not 
 only at the sum of money which I had to pay, but 
 also at the want of honosly on the part of my mess- 
 mates ; but when I complained of it in the berth, 
 thev all laughed at uic. 
 
 At last one of them said, •• Peter, tell the truth ; 
 did not your father caution you not to run in debt?'' 
 
 " Yes, he did," replied I. 
 
 "I know that very v.-ell,'' replicil ho; "all fathers 
 do the same when tlieir roi.s leave thcni ; it's a 
 matter of course. JSow observe, Peter; it is ouf 
 of regard to you that your messmates have been 
 ealins tarts at your expense. You disobeyed your 
 father's injunctions before you had l>een a munth 
 from lionv; ; a.id it is to pive you a lesson th it m ly 
 be u.=f'fu! in after life, that thev have considered it 
 theirduty to ord^rtlr; tarts. I trust that it will ni)t 
 be thrown away upon you. (Jo to the woma.i, pay 
 your bill and n«>\(M- run up another.'' 
 
 "That I certainly sli.ill not," replied I ; but as I
 
 52 fi:tkr simple. 
 
 could not prove who ordered t:iG t iris, and did not 
 think it fiir that the woman should lose her money, 
 I went up and paid the bill with a determination 
 never to open an account with any body again. 
 
 But this left my pockets quite empty, so I wrote 
 to my father, stating the whole transaction, and the 
 consequent state of my finances. My father in his 
 answer, observed that whatever might have been 
 their motives, mv messmates h.ad done me a friendly 
 act ; and that as 1 had lost my money by my own 
 carelessness, 1 must not expect that he would allow 
 me any more pocket-money. But my mother, who 
 added a postscript to his letter, slipped in a five- 
 pound note, and 1 do believe that it was with my 
 father's sanction, although he pretended to be very 
 angry at my forgetting his injunctions. This time- 
 ly relief made me quite comfortable again. What 
 a pleasure it is to receive a letter from one's 
 friends wiien far away, especially when there is 
 some money in it ! 
 
 A few days before this, Mr. Falcon, the first lieu- 
 tenant, ordered me to put on my side arms to go 
 away on duty. I replied that I had neither dirk nor 
 cocked hat, although I had applied for them. He 
 laughed at my story, and sent me on shore with the 
 master, who" bought them, and the first lieutenant 
 sent upth.e bill to my fatlier, who paid it, and wrote 
 to thar.k him for his' trouble. That morning. tl:e 
 first lieutenant said to me, '' Now, Mr. Simple, 
 we'll take the shine off that cocked hat and dirk of 
 yours. You will go in the boat with Mr. O'Brien, 
 and take care that none of the men slip away fVoni 
 it, and get drunk at tlie tap."' 
 
 This was the first time that I had ever been sent 
 away on duty, and I was very proud of being an 
 officer in charge. I put on 'my full uniform, and 
 was ready at the gangway a quarter of an hour 
 before the men were piped away. W'c v.ere order- 
 ed to the dock-vard. to draw sea-stores. When we
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 53 
 
 arrived there, I was quite astonished at the piles of 
 timber, the ranpes of storehouses, and the immense 
 anchors which lay on the wharf There was such 
 a bustle, every body appeared to be so busy, that I 
 wanted to look every way at once, (-lose to where 
 the boat landed, they were hauliu;^ a large frigate 
 out of what they called the basin ; and I was so 
 interested with the sight, that I ara sorry to say 1 
 quite forgot all about the boat's crew, and my orders 
 to look after them. Wliat surprised me most was, 
 that althoui^h the men employed appeared to be 
 sailors, their lanjjuage was very ditferent from what 
 I had been lately accustomed to ou board of the 
 frig.ite. Instead of damning and swearing, every 
 body was so polite. '"Oblige me with a pull of the 
 starboard bow hawser, Mr. Jones." — " Ease off the 
 larboard hawser, Mr. Jenkins, if you please." — 
 "Side her over, gentlemen, side her over.'" — " My 
 compliments to Mr. Tomkins, and request tliat 
 he will cast off the quarter-check." — " Side 
 her over, gentlemen, side her over, if you 
 please." — " In the boat there, pull to Mr. Simmons, 
 and beg he'll do ine tlie favor to check her as she 
 Bwings. What's the matter, Mr. Johnson ?" — '• Vy, 
 there's one of them ere midshipmites has tiirowu a 
 red hot tater cut of the stern-port, and hit our 
 officer in the eye." — '• Keport him to the cominis- 
 sionnr, .Mr. VViirtrins; and oblige mo bv under-run- 
 ning the guess warp. Tell Mr. Sinipklns, with my 
 compliments, to coil away upon the jftty. Sitle lier 
 over, side her over, gonllemen, if you please.' 
 
 I asked of a bystander who the.se people were, 
 and he told me that they were dock-yard niateys. 
 I certiinly thou<jrht that it apjiearcd to be quite as 
 easy to say, " if you please," as " d — n yout eyes," 
 and that it sounded much more agrroabie. 
 
 During the time that I was looking at tiie frigate 
 being hauled out, two of Uio men Iwlonging to the 
 boat slipped away, and on my return they were not
 
 64 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 to be seen. I was very much frightened, for I knew 
 that I had neglected my duty, and that on the first 
 occasion on which I had been intrusted with a 
 responsible service. What to do I did not know. 
 I ran up and down every part of the dock-yard until 
 I was quite out of breath, asking every body I met 
 whether they had seen my t«'o men. Manv of 
 them said that they had seen plenty of men, but 
 did not exactly know mine 5 some laughed, and 
 called me a greenhorn. At last I met a midship- 
 man, v.-ho told me that he had seen two men 
 answermg to my description on tile roof of the 
 coach starting for London, and that I must be quick 
 if I wished to catcl) them 5 but he would not stop 
 to ans%ver any more questions. I continued walking 
 about the yard until I met twenty or thirty men 
 with gray jackets and breeches, to whom I applied 
 for information ; they told me that they had seen 
 two sailors skulking behind the piles of timber. 
 They crowded round me, and appeared very anxious 
 to assist me, when they were summoned away to 
 carry down a cable. I observed that they all had 
 numbers on their jackets, and either one or two 
 bright iron rings on their legs. I could not help 
 inquiring, although I was in such a hurry, why the 
 rings were worn. One of them replied that they 
 were orders of merit, given to them for their good 
 behavior. 
 
 I was proceeding on ver\" disconsolately, when, 
 as I turned a corner, to my great delight, I met my 
 two men, who touched their hats and said that they 
 had been looking for me I did not believe that 
 they told the truth, but I was so glad to recover 
 them that I did not scold, but v/ent with them down to 
 the boat, which had been waiting some time lor us. 
 O'Brien, the master's mate, called me a young 
 sculping, a word I never heard before. When we 
 arrived on board, the first lietuenaat asked OBrien 
 why he had remained so long. He answered that
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 56 
 
 two of the men had left the boat, but that I had 
 found them. The first lieutenant appeared to be 
 pleased with me, observing, as he had said before, 
 that I was no fool, and I went down below overjoyed 
 at my good fortune, and very much oblii.'ed to 
 O'Brien for not telling the whole truth. After I 
 had taken off my dirk and cocked hat, 1 felt for my 
 pocket-handkerchief, and found that it was not in 
 my pocket, having in all probability been taken out 
 by tne men in gray jackets, who, in conversation 
 with my messmates, I discovered to be convicts 
 condemned to hard labor for stealing and picking 
 jmckets. 
 
 \ day or two afterwards, we had a new messmate 
 of the name of M'Koy. I was on the quarter-deck 
 when he came on board and presented a letter to 
 the captain, inquiring first if his name was " Captain 
 Sauvage." He was a florid young man, nearly six 
 feet high, with sandy hair, yet very gofKl-looking. 
 As his career in the service was very short, I will 
 tell at once what I did not find out till some time 
 afterwards. The captain had agreed to receive him 
 to oblige a brother officer, who had retired from the 
 service and lived in the Highlands of .Scotland. 
 The first notice which the captiin had of the arrival 
 of Mr. M'Koy, was from a letter written to him by 
 the young man's uncle. This amused him so much, 
 that he gave it to the first lieutenant to read ; it 
 ran as follows : — 
 
 " Glasgow, April '25, 1 . 
 
 " Sir, 
 "Our much esteemed and mutual friend, Captain 
 M'Alpine, having communicated by letter, dated 
 the 14th inst., your kind intentions relative to my 
 nephew Sholto M'Koy, (for which you will be pleas- 
 ed to accept my best tlianks,) I write to acquaint 
 fou that he is now on his way to join your ahip, the 
 ^iornede, and will arrive, God willing, twenty-su 
 hours after the receipt of this letter.
 
 A6 I'ETER SIMPLE. 
 
 '•' As 1 have been given to understand by thoEC 
 who liave some acquaintance with the service cf 
 the kincr, that his cquipnient as an otricer v.ill Le 
 somewhat expensive. 1 iiavc cousideied it but lair 
 to ease your mind as to any responsibility on tl.at 
 score, and have tiierelore enclosed the haii" of a 
 Bank of England note lor ten pounds sterling, I\u. 
 3742, tlic other half of which will be duly forwarded 
 in a frank promised to me tlie day after to-morrow. 
 1 beg you will make tl.e necessary purciiases, and 
 apply the balance, should there be any. to his mets 
 account, cr any other expenses which you may 
 consider warrantable or jusliliablc. 
 
 •' it is at the same time preper to inform yea, 
 that Sholto had ten shillings in his pocket at tho 
 time of his leaving Glasgow ; the satisfactory ex- 
 penditure of which I have no doubt you will 
 inquire into, as it is a large sum to be placed at the 
 discretion of a youth only fourteen years and live 
 montiis old. I nienticu his age, as Shclto is so tall 
 that you might be deceived by his appearance, and 
 be induced to trust to his prudence in affairs of this 
 serious nature. Should he at any time require 
 further assistance beyond his pay. which I am told 
 is extremely handsome to ail king's officers, 1 beg 
 you to consider that any draft of yours, at ten days' 
 sight, to the amount of five pounds sterling English, 
 win be duly honored by the firm of Alonteitli, 
 M-Killop, and Company^ of Glasgow. Sir, with 
 many thanks for your kindness and consideration, 
 •' I remain, your most obedient, 
 
 •' Walter Monteith.'' 
 
 The letter brought on board by M'Foy was to 
 prove his identityr WJiile the captain read it, 
 M'Foy stared about him like a wild stag. The 
 captain welcomed him to the ship, asked him one 
 or two questions, introduced him to the first lieu- 
 tenant, and then went on shore. The first lieuteu-
 
 PETKR Sl.Mi'LE. .07 
 
 ant had asked me to dine in the puji-room ; I 
 supposed that he was pleased with nie because I 
 had found the men ; and when the captain pnllsd 
 on shore, !ic also invited Mr. M*Foy, when tlie fol- 
 lowing conversation took place. 
 
 •* Well. Air. iM"F«>v, you have had a Ion;? journey} 
 I presume it is the tir>t tiiat you have ever made." 
 
 •• Indeed it is, sir," replied M'Toy 5 ''and sorely 
 I've been pestered. Had 1 minded all they whis- 
 pered in my lu^ as I came alonvr, I had need been 
 made of money — sax-pence here, sax-{>ence there, 
 sax-pence everywere. Sich extortion I ne'er dreamt 
 of.' 
 
 •' How did you come from Glasj^ow 1" 
 
 '• By the w heel-boat, or steam-boat, as they ca'd 
 it, to Lunnon ; where they charired me sax-pence 
 for taking my ba^<4age on sliore — a wee boxy nae 
 bigtrer than yon cocked-up hat. I would fain carry 
 it mysel', but they wadna let me." 
 
 *' Well, where did yoa go to wlien you arrived in 
 London ?'' 
 
 '* I went to a place ca'd Chichester Rents, to the 
 house of Storm and Mainwaring, warehousemen, 
 and they must have another sax-iience for showing 
 me the way. Tlierc I waited half-an-hour in the 
 countin^-liouse. till they took me to a place ca'd 
 Bull and Mouth, and put me into a coach, paying 
 my whole fare ; nevertheless, they must din me for 
 monev the whole of the way down. There was 
 first the ffuard.and then the coachman, and another 
 guard, and another coachman-, but 1 wiulna listan 
 to thrm, and so they urowh-d and abused me." 
 
 " And when did you arrive ?" 
 
 '* I came here hist night ; and I otdy had a bed 
 and a breakfast at the twa Blue Pillars' houpe, for 
 whifh thi'y extortioned me three 8hillin;fH and sax- 
 
 Knce, lus I sit hrrc. .\ml tiien there was tlie cham- 
 rmaid hussy and waiter loon axed me to remember 
 tliem, and wanted more siller: but I told them aa
 
 58 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 I told the guard and coachman, that I had none for 
 them." 
 
 '" How much of your ten shillings have you left V 
 inquired the first lieutenant, smiling. 
 
 " Hoot ! sir lieutenant, how came you for to ken 
 that ? Eh ! it's my uncle Monteith at Glasgow. 
 VV^hy, as 1 sit here, I've but three shillings and a 
 penny of it left. But there's a smell here that's no 
 canny; so I'll just go up aeain into the fresh air." 
 
 When Mr. M'Foy quitted the gun-room, they all 
 laughed very much. After he had been a short 
 time on deck, he went down into the midshipmen's 
 berth : but he made himself very unpleasant, quar- 
 relling and wrangling with every body. It did not, 
 however, last very long ; for he would not obey any 
 orders that were given to him. On the third day, 
 he quitted the ship without asking the permission 
 of the first lieutenant ; when he returned on board 
 the following day. the first lieutenant put him under 
 an arrest, and in charge of the sentry at the cabin 
 door. During the afternoon I was under the half- 
 deck, and perceived that he was sharpening a long 
 clasp knife upon the after-truck of the gun. I went 
 up to him, and asked him why he was doing so, 
 and he replied as his eyes flashed fire, that it was 
 to revenge the insult offered to the bluid of M'Foy. 
 His look told me that he was in earnest. " But 
 what do you mean ?' inquired I. '• I mean," said 
 he, drawing the edge and feehng the point of his 
 weapon, " to put it into the wheam of that man with 
 the gold podge on his sh lulder, who has dared to 
 place me nere." 
 
 I was very much alarmed, and thought it my duty 
 to state his murderous intentions, or worse might 
 happen ; so I walked up on deck, and told the first 
 lieutenant what M-Foy was intending to do, and 
 how his life was in danger. Mr. Falcon laughed, 
 and shortly afterwards went down on the main-deck. 
 M'Foy 's eyes glistened, and he walked forward to
 
 rilTKR SLMPLi:. 5y 
 
 where the first lieutenant was standing ; but the 
 sentry, who had been cautioned by me, kept him 
 back with his bayonet. The first lieutenant turned 
 round, and percoivinp what was poing on. desired 
 the sentry to see if Air. M'Foy had a knife in his 
 hand ; and he had it sure enoutzh, open, and held 
 behind his back. He was disarmed, and the first 
 lieutenant, perceiving that the lad meant mischief, 
 reported his conduct to the captain, on his arrival on 
 board. The captain sent for AI'Koy. who wa.s very 
 olwtinate. and when ta.xed with his intention would 
 not deny it, or even say that he would not acain 
 attempt it; so he was sent on shore immediately, 
 and returned to his friends in the Hi-jhlands. \Ve 
 never saw any more of him ; but I heard that he 
 obtained a commission in the army, and three 
 months after he had joined his rei^iment. was killed 
 in a duel, resenting some fancied affront offered to 
 the bluid of M Foy. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 We iKwt up lo PooUlonrn (I'lr—Contrtfimct nrilMlurimig « l«dy at sup- 
 per — Natural i/recliiin of tlir Ptln an provfil nt my rxpfiise — Sponla- 
 nrom rombudinn »t KaiirU|>li Giirilpn*— PaMr) verttu Piely— Many 
 •re hiJ to tiie feiMl ; but not tlie iMit, tbe Uinr, or titc blind. 
 
 A rr.w days after M'P^oy quitted the ship, we all 
 had leave from the first lieutenant to go to Post- 
 down fair, but he would only allow the oldsters to 
 sleep ^n shore. We anticipated so much ple.isure 
 from yjxiT excursion, that some of us were up early 
 enough to go awav in tlie boat sent for fresh beef. 
 This was very foolish. 'I'here were no carriages to 
 take us to the fair, nor indeed any fair so earh' in 
 the morning •, the shops were all shut, and the Blue
 
 60 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 Posts, where we always rendezvoused, was hardly 
 opened. We waited there in the cofFee-room, 
 until we were driven out by the maid sweeping 
 away the dirt, and were forced to walk about until 
 she had finished, and lighted the fire, when we or- 
 dered our breakfast ; but how much better would it 
 have been to have taken our breakfast comfortably 
 on board, and then to have come onshore, especial- 
 ly as we had no money to spare. iSext to being 
 too late, being too soon is the worst plan in the 
 world. However, we had our breakfast, and paid 
 the bill 5 then we sallied forth, and went up George- 
 street, where we found all sorts of vehicles ready 
 to take us to the fair. We got into one which they 
 called a dilly. I asked the man who drove it why 
 it was so called, and he replied, because he only 
 charged a shilling. O'Brien, who had joined us 
 after breakfasting on board, said that this answer 
 reminded him of one given to him by a man who 
 attended the hackney-coach stands in London. 
 " Fray,"' said he, " why are you called Watermen 1" 
 " Watermen," replied the man, ''vy, sir, 'cause ve 
 opens the hackney-coach doors." At last, ^^ ith plen- 
 ty of whipping, and plenty of swearing, and a great 
 deal of laughing, the old horse, whose back curved 
 upwards like a bow, from the difficulty of dragging 
 so many, arrived at the bottom ofPostdown hill, 
 where we got out, and walked up to the fair. It 
 really was a most beautiful sight. The bright blue 
 sky, and the colored flags dapping about in all 
 directions, the grass so green, md the white tents 
 and booths, the sun shining so bright, and the 
 shining gilt gingerbread, the variety of toys and 
 variety of noise, the quantity of people and the 
 quantity of sweetmeats; little boys so hcppy, and 
 shop-people so polite, the music at the booths, and 
 the bustle and eagerness of the people outside, 
 made my heart quite jump. There was Richardson, 
 with a clown and harlequin, and such beautiful wo-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. Gl 
 
 men, dressed in clothes all over gold spangles, danc- 
 ing reels and waltzes, and looking so liappy ! There 
 was Flint and CJyngell, witii fellows turnhling over 
 head and he<;ls, playing such tricks — eating fire, and 
 drawing yards of tape out of their moutlis. Then 
 there was the royal circus, all the horses standing 
 in a line, with men and women standing on their 
 backs, waving fla^s, while the trumpeters blew their 
 trumpets. And t lie largest giant in the world, and 
 Mr. Paap, the smallest dwarf in tlie v.nrkl, and a 
 female dwarf, who was smaller still, and Miss Hiffin, 
 who did every thing without legs or arms. There 
 was also the learned pig, and the Hercfordt^hire ox, 
 and a hundred other sights which I cannot now re- 
 member. We walked about for an liour or two see- 
 ing the outside of every thing: we determined to 
 go and see the inside. ' First we went into Rich- 
 ardson's, where we saw a bloody tragedy, with a 
 ghofit and thunder, and afterwards a pantomine, full 
 of tricks and tumbling over one another. Then we 
 saw one or two other things, I forget what, but this 
 I know, that, generally speaking, the outside was 
 better than the inside, '.\fter this, feeling very hun- 
 |?ry, we agreed to go into a booth and have some- 
 thing to eat. The tables were ranged all round, 
 and in the centre there was a boiirdnd platform for 
 dancing. The ladies were there already drr.'^srd 
 for partners ; and the music was so livelv, that 1 felt 
 very much inclined to dance, l.ut we had agreed to 
 go and see the wild beasts fed at ^Tr. Pojiio's men- 
 agerie, an<l as it was now almost eight o'clock, wo 
 paid our bill and set off. It was a very curious 
 sight, and better worth seeing than any thing in the 
 fair; I never had an idea that there were so many 
 Rtrange animals in existence. They were all secur- 
 ed in iroi, crujes, and a large clnndelier, with twen- 
 ty liphts, hung in the centre of the booth, and light- 
 ed tliem up. while the keeper went round and Ktir- 
 red them up with his long pole ; at the same timo
 
 62 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 he gave us their histories, which were very inter- 
 esting. I recollect a few of them. There was the 
 tapir, a great pig with a long nose, a variety of the 
 hiptostamasS; which the keeper said was an amphi- 
 bilious animal, as couldn't live on land, and dies in 
 the water — however, it seemed to live very well in 
 a cage. Then there was tlie kangaroo with its 
 young ones peeping out of it — a most astonishing 
 animal. The keeper said that it brought forth two 
 young ones at a birth, and then took them into its 
 stomach again, until they ai-rived at years of discre- 
 tion. Then there was the pelican of the wilderness, 
 (I shall not forget him.) with a large bag under his 
 throat, wliich the man put on his head as a night- 
 cap ; this bird feeds its young with its own blood — 
 when tish are scarce. And there was the laughing 
 hyaena, who cries in the wood like a human being 
 in distress, and devours those who come to his as- 
 sistance — a sad instance of the depravity of human 
 nature, as the keeper observed. There was a beau- 
 tiful creature, the royal Bengal tiger, only three 
 years old, wliat grov.ed ten inches every year, and 
 never arrived at its full growth. The one we saw, 
 measured, as the keeper told us, sixteen feet from 
 the snout to the tail, and seventeen from the tail to 
 the snout; but tliere must have been some mistake 
 there. There was a young elephant and tliree lions, 
 and several other animals v.hich I forget now, so I 
 shall go on to describe the tragical scene which oc- 
 curred. Tiie keeper had poked up nil the animals, 
 and had commenced feeding them. The great lion 
 was growling and snarling over the shin-bone of an 
 ox, cracking it like a nut, when, by some misman- 
 agement, one end of tiie pole upon which the 
 chandelier was suspended fell down, striking tlie 
 door of the cage in which the lioness wa3 at supper, 
 and bursting it open. It v.as all done in a second j 
 the chandelier fell, the cage opened, and the lion 
 ess sprung out. I remember to this moment seeing
 
 PETER SIMP1.E. G3 
 
 the iKxiy of the lioness in the air, and then all was 
 dark as pitch. What a change ! not a moment be- 
 fore all of us siarinsT with delight and curiosity, and 
 then to be left in darkness, horror, and dismay ! 
 There was such screaming and shrieking, such cry- 
 ing, and fighting, and pushing, and faintmg, nobody 
 knew where to go, or how to find their way out. 
 The people crowded first on one side, and then on 
 the other, as their fears instigated them. I was ve- 
 ry soon jammed up with my back against the bars 
 of one of the cages, and feeling some beast lay hold 
 of me behind, made a desperate etfort, and succeed- 
 ed in climbing up to the cage above, not however 
 without losing tiie seat of my trousers, which the 
 laughing hya?na would not let go. I hardly knew 
 where I was when I climbed up j but 1 knew the 
 birds were mostly stationed above. However, that 
 I might not have the front of my trousers torn as 
 well as the behind, as soon as I gained my footing 
 I tunied round, with my back to the bars of the 
 cage, but I had not been there a minute, before I 
 was attacked by something which digged into me 
 like a pickaxe, and as tne hya'na had torn my 
 clothes. I had no defence against it. 'J'o turn round 
 would have been worse still ; so. arter having receiv- 
 ed above a dozen stabs, I contrived by degrees to 
 Bhirt my position, until I was opposite to another 
 cage, but not until the |>eliran. for it was that brute, 
 1)3(1 drawn as much blood from me a.s would have 
 fed his voung for a week. I was surmising what 
 danger ( should next encounter, wiien to my joy I 
 discovered that 1 had gained the open door from 
 which the lioness had escaped. I crawled in, and 
 
 ftulled the door to afler me, thinking myself very 
 brtunate ; and there 1 sat very quietly in a corner 
 during the remainder ot the noise and confusion. I 
 had not been lliere but a few minutes, when the 
 beef-eaters, as they were called, who played the 
 music outsido, came in witli torclies and loaded
 
 &4 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 muskets. The sight which presented itself was 
 truJv shocking ; tv.enty or thirty men, women, and 
 children, lay on the ground, and I thought at first 
 the lioness had killed^them all, but they were only 
 in fits, or had been trampled down by the crowd. 
 No one was seriously hurt. As for the lioness, she 
 was not to be found '5 and as soon as it was ascer- 
 tained that she had escaped, there was as much ter- 
 ror and scampering awav outside, as there had been 
 in the menagerie." It appeared afterwards that the 
 animal had been as much frightened as we had been, 
 and h.ad secreted herself under one of the wagons. 
 It was some time before she could be found. At 
 last O'Brien, who was a very brave fellow, went 
 ahead of the beef-eaters, and saw her eyes glaring. 
 They borrowed a net or two from the carts which 
 had brought calves to the fair, and threw them ov- 
 er her. When she was fairly entangled, tliey drag- 
 ged her by the tail into the menagerie. All this 
 while I had remained very quietly in the den, but 
 when I perceived that its" lawful owner had come 
 back to retake possession, I thought it was time to 
 come out 5 so 1 called to my messmates, who, with 
 O'Brien, were assisting the beef-eaters. They had 
 not discovered me, and laughed very much when 
 they saw where I was. One of the midshipmen 
 shot the bolt of the door, so that I could not jump 
 out, and then stirred me up with a long pole. At 
 last I contrived to unbolt it again, and got out. v.hen 
 they laughed still more at the seat of my trowsers 
 being torn off. It was not exactly a laughing mat- 
 ter to me, although I had to congratulate myself 
 upon a very lucky escape ; and so did my mess- 
 mates think, when I narrated my adventures. The 
 pelican was the worst part of the business. O'Brien 
 lent me a dark silk handkerchief, which I tied round 
 my waist, and let drop behind, so tliat my misfor* 
 tunes might not attract any notice, and then we 
 quitted the menagerie ; but I was so stiif that I 
 could srarrelv walk.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 66 
 
 We then went to what they called the Ranelagh 
 Gardens to see the fire-works, which were to be let 
 off at ten o'clock. It was exactly ten when we paid 
 for our admission, and we waited ver)' patiently for 
 a quarter of an hour, but there were no signs of the 
 fire-works being displayed. The fact was, that the 
 man to whom the gardens belonged, wailed until 
 more company should arrive, although the place 
 was already very full of people. IVow the first lieu- 
 tenant had ordered the boat to wait for us until 
 twelve o'clock, and then return on hoard ; and as 
 we were pcven miles from Portsmouth, \vc had not 
 much time to spare. We waited anotiicr quarter 
 of an hour, and then it was agreed that as the fire- 
 works were stated in the handbill to commence pre- 
 cisely at ten o'clock, that we were fully justified in 
 lettin;; them off ourselves. O'Brien went out and 
 returned with a dozen penny ratans, which he notch- 
 ed in the end. The lire-works were on the posts 
 and stages, all ready, and it was agreed that we 
 should light them all at once, and then mix with 
 the crowd. The oldsters lighted cigars, and fixing 
 them in the notched end of the canes, continued to 
 puff them until they were all w ell lighted. They 
 nanded one to ench of us, and at a signal we all ap- 
 plied them to the match papers, and a« soon as the 
 fire communicated, we threw down our canes and 
 ran in among the crowd. In about half a minute, 
 off they all went in the most beautiful confusion; 
 there were silver stars and golden stars, blue lights 
 and Catherine-wheels, mines and bombs, (irecian- 
 fires and Homan-candles, Chinese trees, rockets and 
 illuminated mottoes, all firing away, cracking, pop- 
 ping, and fizzing, at the same time. It was unani- 
 mously agreed that it was a great improvement up- 
 on the intended show. The man to whom the gar- 
 dens belonged ran out of a booth where he had been 
 drint;ing beer at his ease, while his company w«re 
 waiting, swearing vengeance against the pcrpetrm 
 VOL. I. 5
 
 66 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 torj} indeed, the next day he offered fifty pounds 
 reward for tlic discovery of the offenders. But I 
 think that he was treated very properly. He was, 
 in his situation, a servant of the public, and he had 
 behaved as ii" he was their master. We all escaped 
 very cleverly, and taking another dilly, arrived at 
 Portsmouth, and were down to the boat in good time. 
 The next, day 1 was so stitf and in such pain, that I 
 was obliged to go to the doctor, wlio put me on the 
 list, wliere 1 remained a week before I could return 
 to my duty. So much for Fostdown fair. 
 
 It was on Saturday, that 1 returned to my duty, 
 and Sunday benig a fine day, we all went on 
 shore to church witli Mr. Falcon, the first lieute- 
 nant. We liked going to church very much, not, 
 I am sorry to say, from religious feelings, but for 
 the following reason : — the first lieutenant sat in 
 a pew below, and v.e were placed in the gallery 
 above, wliere he could not see us, nor indeed 
 could we see him. We all remained very quiet, 
 and 1 may say very devout, during the time of the 
 service, but tlie clergyman who delivered the ser- 
 mon was so tedious, and had such a bad voice, 
 that we generally slipped out as soon as he went 
 up into i!ie pulpit, and adjourned to a pastry-cook's 
 opposite, to eat cakes and tarts and drink ciierry 
 brandy, whicli we iutinitely preferred to hearing a 
 sermon. Somehow or other, the first lieutenant 
 had scent of our proceedings j we believed tliatthe 
 marine officer informed against us, and this Sunday 
 he served us a pretty trick. We had been at the 
 pastry-cook's as usual, and as soon as we perceived 
 the jeople coming nut of the church, we pui all 
 our larts aud sweetmeats into our hats, which we 
 then slip jed on our tieads, and took our station at 
 the chur: I -dour, as ii we had just come down from 
 the gallery, and had been waiting for him. Iiisiead, 
 however, of appearing at the church-door, he walk- 
 ed up the street, and desired us to follow hirq to
 
 PETER SIMPLE. G 
 
 tl;« boat. Tlie fact was, he had been in the back- 
 room at the pastry-cook's watching our motioiui 
 throu^'li the green blinds. We had no suspicion, but 
 thouglit lie had come out of church a little sooner 
 than usu:d. When we arrived on board and follow- 
 ed him up the side, he said to us as we came n 
 deck, — " Walk all, young gentlemen." Wc dia j 
 and he desired us to " toe a line," which means to 
 btanil in a row. '• Now, Mr. Dixon,'' said he, " what 
 was the text to-day ?" As he very often asked us 
 llial question, wc always left one in the church 
 until the text was given out, who brought it to us 
 ill the pastry-cook's shop, when we all marked it in 
 our Bibles to be ready it he asked us. Dixon im- 
 mediately pulled out his Bible where he had marked 
 down the leaf, and read it. "O! that was it,' said 
 Mr. Falcon ; *• you must have remarkably good 
 enrs, .Mr. Dixon, to have heard the clergym.in Irom 
 the pastry-cook's shop. ISow. gentlemen, hats off, 
 if yoH please,"' We all slided oti" our hats, which, 
 as he expected, were full of pastrv. "Really, gen- 
 tlemen," said he, feeling the dift'erent papers of 
 pjstry and sweetmeats, " 1 am quite delighted to 
 perceive that you have not l)een to church for 
 iiotliin". P'ew rrmie away with so many good 
 thing's pressed upon the seat of their memory. 
 M.i>ler-at-arm9, send all tlie ship's boys all,'' 
 
 'J'lie buys all came tumbling up the ladders, and 
 the liri;t lieutenant desired each of ihrin to take a 
 seal U[»oii the carron;id<' slid<'s. When they were 
 all stationed, he ordered us to go round with our 
 liaLs and request of each his acceptance of a tart, 
 wliifh we were obliged to do, handing first to one 
 .111(1 then to another, until the hats were all em|)ty. 
 W^hat annoyed me more than all. was the grinning 
 of the boys :it their l)eing served by us like foot- 
 men, as well as t!ie ridicule; and laughter of Uie 
 whole ship's <'M!i> "IV who had assembled at the 
 gangways.
 
 68 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 \Vhen all the pastry was devoured, the first lieu- 
 tenant said, ''There, gentlemen, now that you have 
 had your lesson for the day, you may go below.' 
 We could not help laughing ourselves, when we 
 went down into the berth ; Mr. Falcon ahvays 
 punished so good-humoredly, and in some viay or 
 other, his punishments were severally conr.ecled 
 with the description of the offence. He always 
 had a remedy for every-thing that he disapproved 
 of, and the ship's company used to call him 'Kenicdy 
 Jack.' I ought to observe that some of my mess- 
 mates were very severe upon the ship's l.-oys after 
 that circumstance, always ginng them a kick or a 
 cuff on the head whenever they could, telling them 
 at the same time, -There's another tart lor you, 
 you whelp." I believe if the boys had known what 
 was in reserve for them, they would much rather 
 have left the pastry alone. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 A pressgniig be.iien offby oiie womnn— Danjers at SpU-Uead ami Poiitt — 
 A lr<?Ht for both partiw of pitlUd c/iicAvii, at my exp<ns* — Also gin for 
 Iwculy — 1 am oiaJe a prisouer ; escape iim! r^joiu my sliip. 
 
 I MUST now relate what occurred to me a few 
 days before the sliip sailed, Avhich will prove that it 
 is not necessary to encounter the winds and waves, 
 or the cannon of the enemy, to be in danger, v.hen 
 you have entered his majesty's service ; on the 
 contrary, I have been in action since, and 1 declare, 
 without hesitation, tliat I did not feel so much alarm 
 on that occasion, as I did on the one of which I am 
 about to give the history. We were reported 
 readv for sea, and Uic adniiraltv was an.xious that
 
 PETER SIMPLE. G9 
 
 we should proceed. The only obstacle to our sail- 
 ing was, thut we had not yet completed our com- 
 plement of men. The captain applied to the i)ort 
 admiral, and obtained perraissson to send parlies on 
 shore to impress seamen. The second and third 
 lieutenants, and the oldest midshipmen, were de- 
 spatched on shore every night, with some ot" the 
 most trustworthy men, and generally brought on 
 board in the morning about half a dozen men, 
 whom they had picked up in the ditTerent ale- 
 houses, or grog-shops as the sailors call tlicm. 
 Some of them were retained, but most of them 
 sent on shore as unserviceable ; for it is the custom, 
 when a man eitlier enters, or is impressed, to send 
 him down to the surgeon in the cockpit, where he 
 is stripped and examined all over, to see if he bo 
 sound and fit for his majesty's service ; and if not, 
 he is sent on shore again. Impressing appeared to 
 be rather serious work, as far as I could judge from 
 the accounts which I heard, and from the way in 
 which our sailors, who were employed on the 
 service, were occasionally beaten and wounded ; 
 the seamen who were impressed appearing to Jight 
 as hard not to he forced mto the service, as tliey 
 did for tlie honor of tlie country, al\er they were 
 fairly embarked in it. I had a great wish to be 
 one of the party before the ship sailed, and asked 
 O'Brien, who was very kind to me in general, and 
 allowed nobody to thrash me but himself, if he 
 would take me with him, which he did on the night 
 after I had made the retjuest. I put on my dirk, 
 that they might know I was an officer, as well as for 
 ray nroti'ction. About dusk we rowed on slmre, 
 and landed on tlie (losport side ; the men were all 
 armed with cutlasses, and wore pea jackets, which 
 are very short great coats made of what they call 
 Flushing. We did not stop to look at any of the 
 grOjj-shops in town, as it was too early, but walked 
 out about three miles in the suburbs, an 1 went to a
 
 70 PETER SLMPLE. 
 
 house llie door of which was locked, but wc forced 
 it open in a minute, and hastened to enter the pas- 
 sage, where we found the landlady standing to 
 defend the entrance. The passaue was long and 
 narrow, and she was a very tall corpulent wo- 
 mar. so that her body nearly filled it up, and in her 
 liands she held a long spit pointed at us, with w iiich 
 she kept us at bay. The officers, who were the 
 foremost, did not like to attack a woman, and she 
 made such drives at them with her spit, that had 
 they not retreated, some of them would soon have 
 been ready for roasting. The sailors laughed and 
 stood outside, leaving the otiicers to settle the 
 business how they could. At last the landlady 
 called out to her husband, ••' Be they all out, Jem V 
 "Yes," replied the husband, ''they be all safe 
 gone." " Weil, then," replied she, " I'll soon have 
 all these gone too ;" and with these words she 
 made such a rush forward upon us with her spit, 
 that had we not fallen back and tumbled one over 
 another, she certainly would have run it through 
 the second lieutenant, who commanded the party. 
 The passage was cleared in an instant, and as soon 
 as we were all in the street she bolted us out ; so 
 there we were, three officers and fifteen armed 
 men, fairly beat off' by a fat old woman ; the sailors 
 who had been driixking in the house having made 
 their escape to soijie other place. But I do not 
 well see how it could be otherwise, either we must 
 have killed or wounded the woman, or sVie would 
 have run us through, she was so resolute. Had her 
 husband been in the passage, he would have been set- 
 tled in a very short time ; but what can you do with 
 a woman who fights like a devil, and yet claims all 
 the rights and immunities of the softer se.x ? We 
 all walked away, looking very foolish, and O'Brien 
 observed that the next time he called at tliat house 
 he would weather the old cat, for he would take 
 her ladyship in the rear.
 
 Pt'I'KK blMFLK. 71 
 
 We then called at other houses, where we picked 
 up one or two men, but most of them escaped by 
 getting: out at the windows or the bark doors, as we 
 entered the front. Now there was a gro<;-shop 
 whicli was a very favorite rendezvous of the seamen 
 belon^'ing to the merchant vessels, and to which 
 they were accustomed to retreat when they heard 
 that the prcssganfrs were out. Our officers were 
 aware of this, and were therefore indifTercnt as to 
 the escape of the men, as they knew that they 
 would all go to that place and conliile in their 
 numl>ers for beatinir us ofi". As it was then one 
 o'clock, tlioy thought it time to (50 there ; we 
 proceeciod without any noise, but they had people 
 on the look-fKit, and as soon as we turned the corner 
 of the lane the alarm was ei\t;n. 1 was afr.iid that 
 they would all run away, and we should lose them ; 
 but' on the contrary, they mustered vcr)' stron;j on 
 that ni^ht. and had resolved to '• give fi;;hL" The 
 men remained in the house, but an alvanccd truard 
 of about thirty of their wives saluted us with a 
 »hower of stones and mud. Some of our sailors 
 were hurt, but thcv did not appear to mind what 
 the women did. They rushed on, and then they 
 were attacked by the women with their fists and 
 nails. Notwithstandin;T this, the sailors only laujrhed, 
 pushing the women on one side, and savinir, " Be 
 (juict. I'oll;"— "I)on't be fr.oiish, Molly*."— "Out 
 of the w-ay, Sukey : we a'n't come to lake awavyour 
 fancy man ;" with e.xprcs.sions ol" that sort,altliougli 
 the blood trickled down many of their fa.ces, from 
 the way in which thoy had been clawed. Thus we 
 alt'-inpled to force our wny throuiih tlicm, but I had 
 a vf-ry narrow escape even in this instanre. A 
 woman sfi/.ed me by the arm, and nulled me 
 towards her •, had it not been for one of the (,uarter- 
 mastertt 1 Khould have b< en separated from my 
 
 tarty, but, just as they dragged me away, he caught 
 old of mc by the le^. and stopi>cd Ihom. " Clap
 
 72 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 dji here, Peg. cried the woman to another, " and 
 let's have this little midBhipmite, I wants a baby 
 to dry nurse." Two more women came to her 
 assistance, catching hold of my other arm, and they 
 would have dragged me out of the grasp of the 
 quarter-master had he not called out for more help 
 on his side, upon which two of the seamen laid 
 hold of my other leg, and there was such a tussle, 
 (all at my expense,) such pulling and hauling 3 
 sometimes the women gained an inch or two of me, 
 tlien the sailors got it back again, At one moment 
 I thoUi^ht it was all over with me, and in the next I 
 was with my own men. " Pull, devil ; pull, baker \" 
 cried tlie women, and then they laughed, although 
 I did not, I can assure you, for I really think that I 
 was pulled out an inch taller, and my knees and 
 shoulders pained me very much indeed. At last 
 the women laughed so much, that they could not 
 hold on, and I Was dragged into the middle of our 
 ov.-n sailors, where I took care to remain; and after 
 a little more squeezing and fighting was carried by 
 the crowd into the nouse. The seamen of the 
 merchant ships had armed themselves with bludg- 
 eons and other weapons, and had taken a position 
 on the tables. They were more tlian two to one 
 against us, and there was a dreadful fight, as their 
 resistance was very desperate. Our sailors were 
 obliged to use their cutlasses, and for a lew minutes 
 I was quite bewildered witli the shouting and 
 swearing, pusliing and scuffling, collaring and figlit- 
 ing, together with the dust raised up, which not 
 only blinded, but nearly choked me. By the time 
 that my breath was nearly squeezed out of my 
 body, our sailors got the best of it, which the land- 
 lady and women in the house perceiving, they put 
 out all the lights, so that I could not tell wliere I 
 was ; but our sailors had every one seized his man, 
 and contrived to haul him out of the street door, 
 where they were collected together and secured.
 
 PKTKR SIMPLE. 73 
 
 Now Jijiiin I waa in great duriculty ; I had been 
 knocked down and trod upon, and wlien I did con- 
 trive to get up aj^ain, 1 did not know llie direction 
 in which the door lay. 1 felt about by the wall, 
 and at last came to a door, for tlie room was at that 
 lime nearly emuty, the women having followed the 
 men out of the house ; 1 opened it, and found that it 
 was noi the right one, but led into a little aide pal- 
 lor, where there was a fire, but no lights. 1 had 
 just discovered my mistake, and was about to re- 
 treat, when I was shoved in from behind, and the 
 key turned upon me ; there I was all alone, and I 
 must acknowledge, very much frightened, as I 
 tliou''ht that tlie vengeance of the women would be 
 wrealted upon me. Iconsidered that my death wag 
 certain, and that, like the man Orpheus I had road 
 of in my books, I should be torn in pieces by these 
 Bacchannals. However, I reflected that I was an 
 officer in his majesty's service, and that it was my 
 duty, if necessary, to sacrifice my life for my king 
 and country. I thought of my poor mother 5 "but as 
 it made me unhappy. I tried to forget her, and call 
 to my memory all I had read of the fortitude and 
 courage of various brave men, when death stajed 
 tliem in the face. I peeped through the key-hole, 
 and perceived that the candles were re-lighted, and 
 that there were only women in the room, who were 
 talking all at once, and not thinking about me. But 
 in a minute or two, a woman came in from the 
 street with her long black hair hanging about her 
 shoulders, and her cap in her hand. " Wr-U' cried 
 she, " they've nabbed my husband; but I'll be dish- 
 ed if I hav'n't bo.xed up the midshipmite in that 
 parlor, and he shall take his place. ' I thought I 
 should have died when I looked at the woman, and 
 perceived her coming up to the door, followed by 
 some other.'*, to unlock it. As the door oit)ened. I 
 drew my dirk, resolving to die like an omcer, and 
 as they advan-ed I retreated to a corner, brandish-
 
 74 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 ing my dirk, without saying a word. '' Veil."' cried 
 the w Oman who had made me a prisoner, ' ' I do 
 declare I likes to see a puddle in a storm- --only 
 look at the little biscuit nibbler showing fight. 
 Come, my lovey, you belongs to me."' 
 
 '• Never I" exclaimed I, with indignation ; " keep 
 off, or I shall do you mischief," (and 1 raised my 
 dirk in advance) 3 " I am an officer and a gentle- 
 man."' 
 
 '' Sail," cried the odious woman, '* fetch a mop 
 and a pail of dirty water, and I'll trundle that dirk 
 out of his fist." 
 
 •' iSo, no," replied another rather good-looking 
 young woman, " leave him to me — don't hurt* him 
 — he really is a very nice little man. What's your 
 name, my dear V 
 
 " Peter Simple is my name," replied I : " and I 
 am a king's officer, so be careful what you are 
 about." 
 
 "Don't be afraid, Peter, nobody shall hurt you ; 
 but you must not draw your dirk before ladies, that's 
 not like an officer and a gentleman — so put up your 
 dirk, that's a good boy." 
 
 '• I will not," replied I, " unless you promise me 
 that I shall go away unmolested." 
 
 '' I do promise you that you shall, upon my word, 
 Peter — upon my honor — will that content you ?" 
 
 "Yes," replied I, " if every one else will promise 
 the same." 
 
 " Upon our honors," they all cried together 5 up- 
 on which I was satisfied, and putting my dirk into 
 its sheath, was about to quit the room. 
 
 " Stop, Peter," said the young woman who had 
 taken my part; " I must have a kiss before you go." 
 " And so must I ; and so must we all," cried the 
 other women. 
 
 I was very much shocked and attempted to draw 
 my dirk again, but they had closed in with me, and 
 prevented me. " Recollect your honor," cried I to 
 the yonng woman, as I struggled.
 
 PKTRR SIMPLE. 75 
 
 " My honor ! — Lord bless you, Peter, the less we 
 say about that tlic better." 
 
 " But you promised that I should go away quiet- 
 ly,"' said I, appealing to them. 
 
 " Well, and so you shall ; but recollect, Peter, 
 that you are an otficer and a g;entleman — you surely 
 would not be so shabby as to go away without treat- 
 ing us. What money have you got in yournocket V 
 and, without giving me time to answer, sne felt in 
 my pocket, and pulled out my purse, which she 
 opened. '' Why, Peter, vou are as rich as a Jew,'' 
 said she, as they counted thirty shillings on the ta- 
 ble. " Now what shall we have V 
 
 " .\nv thing you please," said I, "provided that 
 you will let me go.'' 
 
 " Well, then, it shall be a gallon of gin. Sail, 
 call Mrs. Flanagan. Mrs. Flanagan, we want a 
 gallon of gin, and clean glasses." 
 
 Mrs. Flanagan received the major part of my 
 money, and in a minute returned with the gin and 
 wine glasses. 
 
 " Now, Peter, my cove, let's all draw around the 
 table, and make ourselves cosey." 
 
 " O no," replied I , " take my money, drink the 
 pin. but pray let me en;" but thev wouldn't listen 
 to me. Then I was obliged to sit down with them, 
 the gin was poured out, nnil they made mo drink a 
 glass, wliicli nearly choked me. It had, however, one 
 good etlect. it gave me courage, and in a minute 
 or two, I felt as if I could fight them all. The 
 door of the room was on the same side ns the fire- 
 place, and I perceived that the poker was between 
 the Ijars, and red-hot. I com[)laiiied that I was 
 cold, although I was in a burning fever ; and they 
 allowed me to get up to warm my hands. As soon as 
 I reached the fire-place, 1 snatched out the red-hot 
 poker, and brandishing it over my head, ni:ide for 
 the door. They all jumped up to detain me, but 
 I make a poke at the foremost, which made her run
 
 76 PKTER SIMPLE. 
 
 back with a shriek. (I do believe that I burnt her 
 nose.) I seized my opportunity and escaped into 
 the street, whirling tiie poker round my head : 
 while all the women followed, hooting and shouting 
 after me. I never stopped running and whirling my 
 poker until I was reeking with pirspiration, and the 
 poker was quite cold. Then 1 looked back, and 
 found that 1 was alone. It was very dark ; every 
 house was shut up, and not a light to be seen any 
 where. I stopped at a corner, not knowing where 
 I was, or what I was to do. 1 felt very miserable 
 indeed, and was reflecting on my wisest plan, when 
 who should turn the corner, but one of the quarter- 
 masters who had been left on shore by accident. I 
 knew him by his pea jacket and straw hat to be 
 one of our men, and 1 was delighted to see him. 
 I told him wliat had happened, and he replied that 
 he was going to a house where the people knew 
 him, and would let him in. When he arrived there, 
 the people of the house were very civil ; the land- 
 lady made us some purl, which the quartermaster 
 ordered, and which I thought verv' good indeed. 
 After we had finished the jug, we both fell asleep 
 in our chairs. I did not awaken until I was roused 
 by the quartermaster, at past seven o'clock, when 
 we took a wherrj-, and went off to the ship. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 O'Brien Iskes me under his protection — The sliip'g company are paid, 
 ■oare Uie liunit>oat.noinen, the Jews and the emancipationist after ft 
 fashion — We go to »tn— Doctor O'Brien's cure for sea sitluiess— On* 
 pill of the doctor's more tli.iii a Uose. 
 
 When we arrived, I reported myself to the first 
 lieutenant, and told him the whole story of the
 
 PETER SIMPEE. 77 
 
 maimer in which I had been treated, allowing him 
 the poker which I brought onboard with me. He 
 heard me very patiently, and then said/' Well. Mr. 
 Simple, you may be the greatest fool of your fami- 
 ly for all 1 know to the contrary, but never pretend 
 to be a fool with me. 'I'liat poker proves the con- 
 trary 5 and if your wit can serve you upon your 
 own emergency, I expect that it will be employed 
 for the beneht of the service.'' He then sent for 
 Olirieii, and gave him a lecture for allowing me to 
 go with the pressgang, pointing out, what was v»ry 
 trr.r. that I could have been of no service, and 
 might have met with a serious accident. 1 went 
 down on the ma'n deck, and O'Brien came to mo. 
 '' Peter," said he, *' I have been jawed for lettin^i 
 you go, so it is but fair that vou should be thraslicd 
 for having asked me." I wished to argue the point, 
 but he cut all argument short by kicking me down 
 the hatchway ; and thus ended my zealous attempt 
 to procure seamen for his majesty's service. 
 
 At last the frigate was full manned, and, as we 
 had received drafts of men from other ships, we 
 were ordered to be paid previously to our goiu" to 
 eea. Tl;e people on shore always find out when 
 a ship is to be paid, and very early in the morning, 
 we were surrounded with" wherries, laden witli 
 Jews and other people, some recjucstiiig admittance 
 to Fell their goods, others to get paid for what they 
 had allowed the sailors to tike up up.on credit. 
 But the first lieutenant would not allow any oitlicm 
 to come on board until after the tliip was paid ; al- 
 though they were so urgent, that he was loreed to 
 place sentries in the chains with cold shot, to stave 
 the boats if they came along-^idc. I was standing 
 at the gangway, looking at the crowd of boats, when 
 a black-looking fellow in one of the wh.erriey said 
 lo me, " 1 say, hir, let mo slip in at the port, and 1 
 have a very nice present to mnkr ycu ;'' and ho 
 disj'laycd a gold seal, which \:s hold' pp to inc. 1
 
 78 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 immediately ordered the sentry to keep him farther 
 o;i", lor 1 \vas very much allroiited at liis supposing 
 i;ic capable of beiug bribed to disobey my orders. 
 About eleveu o'clock the dock-yard boat, with all 
 the pay clerks, and the cashier, with his chest of 
 mruey, came on board, and was shown into the 
 Ibre-cabiu, where the captain attended the pay-table, 
 'i'iie men were called in, one by one, and, as the 
 amount of wages due had been previously calcula- 
 ted, they were paid very fast. I'he money was al- 
 ways received in their hats, after it had been coun- 
 ted out in presence of the officers and captain. 
 Uutside the cabin door, there stood a tall man in 
 black, with hair straight combed, who had obtained 
 an order from the port admiral to be permitted to 
 come on board. He attacked every sailor as he 
 came out, with his money in his hat, for a subscrip- 
 tion to emancipate the slaves in the West Indies ; 
 but the sailors would not give him any tiling, swear- 
 ing that the niggers were better off than they were 5 
 for they did not work harder by day, and had no 
 watch and watch to keep during the night. •■ Sar- 
 vitude is sarvitude all over the world, my old psalm 
 singer,"' replied one. " They sarve their masters, 
 as in duty bound 3 we sarve the king, 'cause he 
 can't do without us — and he never axes our leave, 
 but helps himself." 
 
 " Yes," replied the straight-haired gentleman, 
 '• but slavery is a very different thing." 
 
 "Can't say that I see any difference: do vou, 
 Bill ?" 
 
 "A'ot 1; and I suppose as if they didn't like it. 
 they'd run away." 
 
 " Run away 1 poor creatures !" said the black 
 gentleman. " Why if they did, they would be flog- 
 ged." 
 
 •' Flogged — heh ! well, and if we run away, we 
 are to be hanged. The nigger is better off nor we 5 
 ar'n't he. Tom ?" Than the purser's steward came
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 79 
 
 out 5 he was what they called a bit of a lawyer, 
 that is, had received more education Uian the sea- 
 men in general. 
 
 " 1 trust, sir," said the man in black, " that you 
 will contribute something." 
 
 "Mot I, my hearty ; I owe every farthing of my 
 money, and more loo, I'm afraid.'' 
 
 " Still, sir, a small trifle." 
 
 •' Why, wliat an infernal rascal you must be, to 
 ask a man to give away what is not his own proper- 
 ty ! Did I not tell you that I owed it all ? There's 
 an old proverb— be just before you're generous. 
 Now it's my opinion, that you are a mcthodistiral 
 good-for-nothing blackguard : and if any one is sucli 
 a fool as to give you money, you will keep it for 
 yourself.'' 
 
 When the man found that he could obtain noth- 
 ing at the door, he went down on the lower deck, 
 in which he did not act very wisely } for now that 
 the men were paid, the boats were permitted to 
 come alongside, and so mucli spirits were smug- 
 pled in, that most of the seamen were more or less 
 intoxicated. \s soon as he went below, ho com- 
 menced distributing prints of a black man knc^eliug 
 in chains, and saying, " .\m not I your brother?"' 
 Some of the men laughed, and swore Uiat they 
 would paste their brother up in the mess, to say 
 prayers for the ship's company ; but others were 
 very angry, and abused him. At last, one man, wlui 
 was tipsy' came up to liim. -'Donou pretend for 
 Ui insinivate that this crving black ihitf is my bro- 
 ther r 
 
 " To be sure I do," replied the methodist. 
 
 "Then take that for vour infernal lie," said the 
 Bailor, hitting him in the face right and left, and 
 knocking the man down into the cable tier, from 
 whence he climbed up, aixl made his escape out 
 of iho frJL'atc ar soon us he; \va^ able. 
 
 The 3liii) wa:) now in a sUite of confusion and
 
 80 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 uproar ; there were J«ws trying to sell clothes, or 
 to obtain money for clothes which they had sold ; 
 bumboat men and bumboat women showing their 
 long bills, and demanding or coaxing for payment ; 
 other people from the shore, with hundreds of small 
 debts ; and the sailors' wives, sticking close to them, 
 and disputing every bill presented, as an extortion 
 or a robbery. There were such bawling and threat- 
 ening, laughing and crying — for tlie women were 
 all to quit the ship before sunset — at one moment a 
 Jew was upset, and all his hamper of clothes tossed 
 into the hold ; at another a sailor was seen hunting 
 everywhere for a Jew who had cheated him, — all 
 squabbling or skylarking, and many of them very 
 drunk. It appeared to me that the sailors had ra- 
 ther a difficult point to settle. They had three 
 claimants upon them, the Jew for clothes, the 
 bumboat men for their mess in harbor, and their 
 wives for their support during their absence 5 and 
 the money which they received was, generally 
 speaking, not more than sufficient to meet one of 
 the demands. As it may be supposed, the women 
 had the best of it 5 the others were paid a trifle, 
 and promised the remainder when they camo back 
 from their cruise 5 and although as the case stood 
 ti.en, it might appear that two of the paities were 
 ill used, yet in the long run they were more than 
 indemnified, for their charges were so extravagant, 
 that if one third of their bills were paid, tncre 
 would still remain a profit. About five o'clock, the 
 orders were given for the ship to be cleared. All 
 disputed points were settled by the sergeant of ma- 
 rines witn a party, who divided their antagonists 
 from the Jews ; and every description of persons 
 not belonging to the siiip. whether male or female, 
 was dismissed over the side. The hammocks were 
 piped down, those who were intoxicated were put 
 to bed, and the ship was once more quiet. Xobody 
 was punished for having been tipsy, as pay-day is
 
 rr/i'i:!; simplk. 8i 
 
 Coiisiilerctl, on boaril a mnn cf wnr, as the wind- 
 ing up of all incorrect bcliavior, and from that day 
 the sailors turn over a ne^*• loaf; foralthoui^h some 
 lattituuc is permitted, and the seamen arc seldom 
 fioj^cd in harbor, yet the moment that the anchor 
 is at the bo\v3. strict disciijline is exacted, and in- 
 toxication must no longer linpe to be forgiven. 
 
 Tlie next day every thing was prepared ibr sea, 
 and no leave was permitted to the olficers. Stock 
 of every kind was brounht on board, and the larga 
 boats hoisted and secured. On liie morning after, 
 at daylight, a signal from the 11 ig-hliip in harbor 
 was made for us to unmoo.-j our orders had come 
 down to cruise in the Bv.' ol" Biscay. The captain 
 ranie on board, the anchor weighed, and we ran 
 ihronirh tho >«eedle.s with a fine N. K. breeze. I 
 admired the scenery of the isle of Wight, looked 
 with admiration at Alum Bav, was astonished at 
 the Needle rocks, and then lelt fd very ill that I 
 went down below. What ocrurred for the iiuxt six 
 ('■r.s I cannot tr-ll. I tiionght tliit I should die 
 <vrry moment, and lay in my hammock or on the 
 ( I:esis !er the wliole of that time, incapable of eat- 
 ing, drinkiti'r, or walking a!)out. O'Brien came to 
 luj on the bcventii morning, aiul said, lliat if I did 
 not exert myself I never should get well, that he 
 was very fond of me, and had taken me under his 
 p.oteclion, and, to prnvo his reirard, he would do 
 for me what he v/ould not take the trotibh^ to do 
 for any other younjrster in the ship, which was, to 
 i:ivc me a go(Ml basting, which was a sovereigtl 
 remedy for se.i-sickness. He suited the action to 
 the woril, and drubbed iwe on the ribs without 
 mercy, until I thought the breath was out of my 
 body, rnd then he took out a rope's end and tlirashcd 
 me until F n!)pyfd his orilers to go on dork imme- 
 diately. IJoforc he fiime to me, I could have never 
 belieTftd it possible that I could have obeyed him, 
 but somohow or another I did cotitrive to crawl up 
 
 vol..' I. i'i
 
 82 PETER SLMFLE. 
 
 tlie ladder to the main-deck. Avherc I sat down on 
 the shot-racks and cried bitterly. What would I 
 have given to have been at home again I It was 
 not my fault that I was the greatest fool in the 
 family, yet how was I punished for it! If this was 
 kindness iVoin O'Brien, what had I to expect from 
 those who were not partial to me ? But, l)y degrees, 
 I recovered myself, and certainly felt a great deal 
 better, and that night I slept very soundly. The 
 next morning O'Brien came to me again. '• It's a 
 nasty slow fever, that sea-sickness, my Peter, and 
 we must drive it out of you 5"' and then he com- 
 menced a repetition of yesterday's remedy until I 
 was almost a jelly. Whether the fear of being 
 thrashed drove away my sea-sickness, or whatever 
 might be the real cause of it, I do not know, but 
 this is certain, that I felt no more of it after the 
 second beating, and the next morning when I awoko 
 I was very hungry. I hastened to dress myself 
 before O'Brien came to me, and did not see him 
 until we met at breakfast. 
 
 " Pater,"' said he, " let me feel your pulse." 
 
 '^O no ['' replied I, "indeed I'm quite well." 
 
 " Quite well 1 Can you eat biscuit and salt 
 butter 1" 
 
 " Yes, I can.*' 
 
 "And a piece of fat pork ?" 
 
 " Yes, that I can." 
 
 " It's thanks to me then, Pater," replied he 5 "so 
 you'll iiave no more of my medicine until you fall 
 sick again." 
 
 "I hope not," replied I, ''for it was not very 
 pleasant.'' 
 
 "Pleasant! you simple Simple, when did you 
 eter hear of nhysic being pleasant, unless a man 
 
 {describe for himself? I suppose you'd be after 
 oUipops for the yellow fever. Live and larn, boy, 
 and thank Heaven that you've found somebody wh« 
 loves you well enough to baste you when it's good 
 for your health."
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 83 
 
 I repliod '"that I certainly hoped that much as I 
 felt obliged to him, I should not require any more 
 proofs of his regard." 
 
 '• Any more such striking proofs, you mean, Pa- 
 ter j but let me tell you that they were sincere 
 proofs, for since you've l)cen ill I've been eating 
 your pork and drinking your grog, which Utter can't 
 be too plentiful in the bay of Biscay. And novir 
 that I've cured you, you'll be tucking all that into 
 your own little breadbasket, so that I'm no gainer, 
 and I think that you may be convinced that you 
 never had or will have two more disinterested 
 thumpings in all your born days. However, you're 
 very welcome, so say no more about it." 
 
 1 held my tongue and ate a very hearty breakfast. 
 F'iom that day 1 returned to mv duty, and was put 
 into tlie same watch with O'ftrien, who spoke to 
 the first lieutenant, and told him that he had taken 
 me under his charge. 
 
 CHAPTER Xil. 
 
 K«ir tlicory of Mr. Muddle rrin»rkiilile for Imrin; lui rnJ to it — Novel 
 pracUcr of .Mr. Cliuck* — O'Brini cninninii-F* In* lii»{or>' — Tlirr« were 
 (iaiitt m Uic>»? daya— I bring up llie nmatrr'i »ii4'/i« glan. 
 
 As I liave already mentioned sufficient oC the 
 captiin and the first lieutenant to enable tl.o reader 
 to gain an insight into their cliaracters, 1 shall now 
 mention two very odd iicrsonagcs who were my 
 shipmates, the cari)enter and the boatswain. The 
 carpenter, whose name was Muddle, used to go by 
 the appellation of Philosopher Chips, not that ho 
 followed anv particular school, but had formed a 
 theory of his own, from which he was not to bo 
 dissuaded. This was. that the universe had its cvclo
 
 8J PRTER SIMPLE. 
 
 of cvciil;5 turned rcund, so that in a ccrlaiii period 
 of time every thing was to happen over again. I 
 never could make him explain upon what data his 
 calculations were founded- he said, that if he ex- 
 plained it. I was too young to comprehend it ; but 
 t!;e fact was this, "that in 27,G72 years every thing 
 that v.as going on now would be going on again, 
 with the same people as were existing at the pres- 
 ent time."' He very seldom ventured to make thp, 
 remark to Captain Savage, but to the first lieutenant 
 he did very often. "I've been as close to it as 
 possible, sir, 1 do assure you, although you find 
 fault ; but 27,G72 years ago you were first lieutenant 
 of this ship, and I was carpenter, although we 
 recollect nothing about it; and 27,672 years hence 
 we shall both be standing by this boat talking abcut 
 the repairs, as we are now." 
 
 " I do not doubt it, Mr. Muddle," replied the first 
 lieutenant 3 " I dare say that it is all very true ; bat 
 the repairs must be finished this night, and 27,672 
 ycari hence you will have the order just as positive 
 as you have it new, so let it be done." 
 
 This theory made him very indifferent as to dan- 
 ger, or indeed as to any thing. It was of no conse- 
 quence, the affair took its station in the course of 
 time. It had happened at the above period, and 
 would happen again. Fate was fate. 
 
 But the boatswain was a more amusing personage. 
 He was considered to be the tuiighlest (that is, the 
 most active and severe) boatswain in the service. 
 He went by the name of " Gentleman Chucks,"— 
 the latter was liis surname. He appeared to have 
 received half an education; sometimes his language 
 was for a few sentences remarkably well chosen, 
 but, all of a sudden, he would break dor. n at a hard 
 word; but I shall be able to let the rf.ader into 
 more of his lustoiy as I go on with my at; ventures. 
 He had a very handsome person, inclined to be 
 stout, keen eyes, and hair curling in ringlets. He
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 85 
 
 held his head up, and strutted as ]ie walked. He 
 declared '' that an officer should look like an officer, 
 and comport himself accordingly."' In his j)crson 
 he was very clean, wore rings on his great hngers, 
 and a large frill to his bosom, whiclj stuck out like 
 the back fin of a perch, and the collar of his shirt 
 was always pulled up to a level with his cheek 
 bones. He never appeared on deck without his 
 " persuader," which was three ratruis twisted into 
 one. like a cable; sometimes he called it his order 
 of the bath, or his trio juncto in uno ; and this per- 
 suader was seldom idle. He attempted to be very 
 polite even when addressing the common seamen, 
 and, certainly, he always commenced his observa- 
 tions to them in a very gracious manner, but. as he 
 continued, he became less choice in his phraseol- 
 ogy. O'Brien said that his speeches were like the 
 Bin of the poet, very fair at the upper part of them, 
 but shocking at the lower extremities. As a speci- 
 men of them, he would say to the man on tlie fore- 
 castle, '• .\llow me to observe, my dear man, in tlie 
 most delicate way in tlie world, that you are spilling 
 lliat tir upon the deck — a deck, sir, ii" I may venture 
 to make the observation, I had the duty of seeing 
 holystoned this morning. You underatautl me, sir, 
 you'liave defiled his majesty's forecastle. I must do 
 my duty, sir, if you neglect yours; so take th;it — 
 ajid that — and tliat — (thrashing llie man with his rat- 
 an) — you d — n haymaking son of a sea cook. Do it 
 again, d — d your eyes, and I'll cut your liver out." 
 
 I remember one of the ship's boy's going forward 
 with a kid of dirty water to empty in the head, 
 without putting his liand up to his hat, as he passca 
 the l)oaLtwain. " Stop, my little friend," said die 
 boatswain, pulling out his frill, and raising up both 
 sides of his shirt collar. " Are you aware, sir, of 
 nay rank and station in society ?"' 
 
 "Yes, sir," replied the boy, trembling and eyeing 
 the raUn.
 
 86 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " Oh, you are !"' replied Mr. Chucks. '^ Had you 
 not been aware of it. I should have considered 
 a gentle correction necessary, that you might have 
 avoided such an error in future 5 but, as you were 
 aware of it, why then, d — n you, you have no ex- 
 cuse, so take that — and that — you yelping, half-star- 
 ved abortion. I really beg your pardon, Mr. Sim- 
 ple.'" said he to me, as the boy went howling for- 
 ward, for I was walking with him at the time ; ^'but 
 reallv the service makes brutes of us all. It is 
 hard to sacrifice our health, our night's rest and our 
 comforts 5 but still more so, that in my responsible 
 situation, I am obliged too often to sacrifice my 
 gentility." 
 
 The "master was the ofiicer who had charge of 
 the watch to which I was stationed 5 he was a very 
 rough sailor, who had been brought up in the mer- 
 chant service, not much of a gentleman in appear- 
 ance, very good-tempered, and very fond of grog. 
 He always quarrelled with the boatswain, and de- 
 clared that the service was going to the devil, now 
 that warrant officers put on white shirts, and wore 
 frills to them. But the boatswain did not care for 
 him ; he knew his duty, he did his duty, and if the 
 captain was satisfied, he said, that the whole ship's 
 company might grumble. As for the master, ne 
 said, the man was very well, but having been brought 
 up in a collier, he could not be expected to be very 
 refined ; in fact, he observed, pulling up his shirt 
 collar — '• it was impossible to make a silk purse out 
 of a sow's ear." The master was very kind to me, 
 and used to send me down to my hammock before 
 my watch was half over. Until that time, I walked 
 the deck with O'Brien, who was a very pleasant 
 companion, and taught me everything that he could 
 connected with my profession. One night, when 
 •we had the middle watch. I told him I should like 
 very much if he would give me the history of bis 
 life. "That I will, my honey," replied he, "all
 
 PETER SIMPLE. SI 
 
 that I can remember of it, tliough I have no doubt 
 but that I've forgotten the best part of it. It's now 
 within five minutes of two bells, so we'll heave the 
 log and mark the board, and then I'll spin you a 
 yarn, which will keep both of us from going to 
 sleep." O'Brien reported the rate of sailing to the 
 master, marked it down on the log-board, and then 
 returned. 
 
 " So now, my boy, I'll come to an anchor on the 
 topsail halyard rack, and you may sciucezc your 
 llircadpaper little carcass under my loo, and then 
 ril tell you all about it. F'irst and foremost, you 
 must know that I am descended from the great 
 O'Brien Borru, who was a king in his time, as the 
 great Fiiigal was before him. Of course you've 
 lieard of Fingal." 
 
 " I can't say that I ever did," replied I. 
 " A'ever lieard of Fingal ! — murder I Where 
 must you have l>ccn all your life ? Well, then, to 
 give vou some notion of Fingal, I will first tell you 
 how Vingal bothered the great Scotch giant, and 
 then 1*11 go on with my own storv. Finical, you 
 must know, was a giant himself, and no fool of one, 
 and any one tliat affronted him was as sure of a bat- 
 ing as 1 am to keep the middle watch to-iii;.'lit. But 
 there was a giant in Scotland as t.ill as the main- 
 mast, m«)re or less, as we say when wn a'n't quite 
 ■ure, as it saves telling more lies than there's occa 
 ■ion for. Well, this Scotch giant lieard of Fingal, 
 and how he had l>eaten cverylnxly, and he said, 
 ' Who is thifl Fingal ? By Jasue,' says he in Scotch, 
 ' I'll just walk over and see what he's made off.' 
 So he walked across the Irish channel, and landed 
 within half a mile of Belfast, but whether he wag 
 out of bin depth or not I can't tell, although I bub- 
 
 Cect that he was not dry-footed. When Fingal 
 card that this great chap was coming over, he was 
 in a devil of a fnght, for they told him that the 
 Scotchman was taller bv a few feet or bo. Gianta
 
 86 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 you knov.', measure by feet, and don't Lotlor them- 
 selves about the inches, as we little devils are 
 obliged to do. So Fingal kept a slmrp looU-out for 
 the Scotchman, and one line morning, there he was, 
 sure enough, comiuir up the iiiil to Tinjars house. 
 If Fingal was afraid Lcibre. he had more reason to 
 be afraid when he s.-iv/ tlic fellow, for he looked for 
 all the world like the monument upon a voyage of 
 discovery. So Fingal ran into his licu.sc, and called 
 to his wife Shaya, 'My voumeen,' savs he. ' be 
 quick now; there's that big LuUy ot"a Scotchman 
 coming up the hili. Kiver me up with the blankets, 
 and if he aiks who is in the bed, tell liim it's tlie 
 child.' So Fingal laid dov.n on ti;e bed, and liis 
 ■wife had just time to cover him up, when in comes 
 the Scotchman, and though he stooped low, he 
 broke ids head again.-?t the portal. ' U'here's that 
 baste, Fingal V says he, rubbing his forehead ; * show 
 him to me that I may give him a bating.' * Whist, 
 whist '.' cries Sliaya, ' you'll wake the babby,and then 
 him that you talk of bating will be tiic death of you, 
 if he comes in.' • Is tliat the babby ?"' cried the 
 Scotcliman with surprise, looking at tlie great car- 
 cass muffled up in the blankets. ' Sure it is,' repli- 
 ed Shaya,'andFingars babby too ; so don't you wake 
 him, or Fingal will twist your neck in a minute.' 
 ' By the cross of St. Andrew,' replied the giant, 
 ' then it's time for mo to be ciF; for if that's his 
 babby, I'll be but a mouthful! to the fellow hirasell* 
 Good morning to ye.' So the Scotch giautran out 
 of the house, and never stopped to eat or drink un- 
 til he got back to his own hills, foreby he was near- 
 ly drowned in having mistaken his passage across 
 the channel in his great hurry. Tiion Fingal got up 
 and laugljed, as well he might, at liis own 'cuteness ; 
 and so ends my story about Fingal. Aud now I'll 
 begin about myself. As I said befo"©, I am descend- 
 ed frcui the great O'Brien, who was a king in his 
 -time, but that time's past. I suppose, as the world
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 89 
 
 turns round, my children's cliildren'a posterity may 
 be kings again, allliouj^h there sceins but little 
 chance of it just now ; but there u|>:> ami downs on 
 a grand scale, as %^ell as in a man's own hislorv, and 
 the wheel of fortune keeps turning for tl-.e (< infort 
 of those w ho are at the lowest spoke as 1 may be 
 just now. To cut tlie ttory a little shorter, 1 skip 
 down to my great grandfather, who lived like a real 
 gentleman, as he wns, upon his ten tl:ouiand ayear. 
 At hist l:c died, and eiglit thousand of the ten was 
 buried with him. My <;randfathcr followed his fath- 
 er all in good course of time, and only left my fath- 
 er about one hundred acres of bog to keep up the 
 dignity of the family. I am the youngest ol ten, 
 and devil a copper have I but my pay, or am likely 
 to have. You may talk about descent, but a more 
 descending family than mine was never in existence, 
 for here am I with twenty-live pounds a year, and 
 a half-pay of' nothing a day, and find myself,' when 
 my great ancestor did iust what he pleased with all 
 Ireland, and every body in it. But this is allnoth- 
 ing,cxcept to prove satisfactorily that I am not worth 
 a kkillagalee, and that is tiie reason which induced 
 roe to condescend to serve his majesty. Fatlicr M'- 
 Grath the priest, who lived with my father, taught 
 me llie elements, as tliey call them. I tliought I 
 had enougli of the elements tlien, but I've seen a 
 
 deal more of them since. ' Terence,' said my fath- 
 er t(i me one day, ' what do vou mane to do .'' 'To 
 t;ct iijy dinner, ^re,' replied I, for I was not a little 
 jungry. ' And so you shall lo-day, my vourneen,' 
 replied my father, ' but in future you mustdosome- 
 liiing to get your own dinner; tljere's not praties 
 enow for the whole of ye. Will you go to the say f 
 ' I'll just elrj> down and look at it,' nays I, for wc 
 lived but sixteen Irish miles from the coast; so 
 when I had finished my meal, which did n*)t take 
 long, for want of ammunition, 1 trotted down to tlie 
 Cov« to lee what a ehip might bo liko, and I happen-
 
 90 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 ed upon a. large one sure enough, for there lay a 
 three-decker with an admiral's flag at the fore, 
 ' May be you'll be so civil as to tell me what ship 
 that is,' said I to a sailor on the pier. ' It's the 
 Queen Charlotte,' replied he, "of one hundred and 
 twenty guns.' JSow when I looked at her size, and 
 compared her with all the little smacks and hoys 
 lying about her, I very naturally asked how old she 
 was ; he replied, that she was no more than three 
 years old. • But three years old,' thought I to my- 
 self; ' it's a fine vessel you'll be when you'll come 
 of age, if you grow at that rate ; you'll be as taU 
 as the top of Bencrow, (that's a mountain we have 
 in our parts.) You see, Peter, I was a fool at that 
 time, just as you are now; but by-and-by, when 
 you have had as many thrashings as I have had, you 
 may chance to be as clever. I went back to my 
 father, and told him all I had seen, and he replied, 
 that if I liked it I might be a midshipman on board 
 of her, with nine hundred men under my command. 
 He forgot to say how many I should have over me, 
 but I found that out afterwards. I agreed, and my 
 father ordered his pony and went to the lord lieu- 
 tenant, for he had interest enough for that. The 
 lord lieutenant spoke to the admiral, who was stay- 
 ing at the palace, and I was ordered on board as 
 midshipman. My father fitted me out pretty hand- 
 somely, telling all the tradesmen that their bills 
 should be paid with my first prize money, and thus, 
 by promises and blarney, he got credit for all I want- 
 ed. At last all was ready : Father M'Grath gave 
 me his blessing, and told me that if 1 died like an 
 O'Brien, he would say a power of masses for the 
 good of my soul. ' May you never have the trouble, 
 sir,' said I. ' Och, trouble I a pleasure, my dear 
 boy,' replied he, for he was a very polite man ; so 
 off I went with my big chest, not quite so full as it 
 ought to have been, for my mother cribbed one half 
 of my stock for my brothers and sisters. 'I hope
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 91 
 
 to be back again soon, father,' said I as I took my 
 leave. ' 1 hope not, my dear boy,' replied he -/a'n't 
 you provided for. and what more would ye have ?' So, 
 after a deal of bother 1 was fairly on board, and I 
 parted company with my chest, fori stayed on deck 
 and that went down below. 1 stared about with all 
 my eyes for some time, when who should be com- 
 ing oif but the captain, and the officers were order- 
 ed on deck to receive him. I wanted to have a 
 quiet survey of him, so 1 took up my station on one 
 of the guns, that 1 might examine him at my leisure. 
 The boatswain whistled, the marines presented 
 arms, and the officers all took off their hats as the 
 captain came on the deck, and then the guard was 
 diFmissed, and they all walked about the deck as 
 before ; but I found it very pleasant to be astride 
 on the gun. so I remained where I was. ' What 
 do you mane by that, you big young scoundrel V 
 says he, when he saw me. ' It's nothing at all I 
 mane,' replied I ; ' but what do you mane by call- 
 ing an O'brien a scoundrel V ' Who is he V said 
 the captain to the first lieutenant. ' Mr. O'Brien, 
 "who joined Uic ship about an hour since.' 
 
 ' Don't you know better than to sit upon a gun V 
 said the captain. * To be sure I do,' replied I, 
 ' when there a any thing better to sit upon.' ' He 
 knows no better, sir,' obser\-ed the first lieutenant. 
 ' Then he must l>c taught,' replied the captain. ' Mr. 
 O'Brien, since you have perched yourself on that 
 gun to please yourself, you will now continue tliere 
 for two hours to please me. Do you understand, 
 sir? you'll ride on that gun for two hours.' 'I un- 
 dersUnd, sir,' replied I ; ' but I am afraid that he 
 won't move without spurs, although there's plenty 
 o^ metal in him.' Tne captain turned away and 
 laughed as he went into his cabin, and all the offi- 
 cers laughed, and I laughed tf>o, for I perceived no 
 great hardship in sitting down an hour or two, any 
 more than I do now. Well, I soon found that, lik«
 
 92 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 a young bear, all my troubles were to come. The 
 first month was nothing but fighting and squabbling 
 with my messmates 3 they called me a raw Irish- 
 man, and raw I was, sure enough, from the constant 
 thrashings and cokings I received from those who 
 were bigger and stronger than myself; but nothing 
 lasts forever — as they discovered that whenever 
 they found blows I could find back, they got tired 
 of it, and left me and my brogue alone. We sailed 
 for the Toolong fleet."' 
 
 " ^Vhat fleet V inquired I. 
 
 " Why, the Toolong fleet, so called, I thought, 
 because they remained too long in harbor, bad luck 
 to them; and then we were off Cape See-see, (de- 
 vil a bit could we see of them except their mast- 
 heads,) for I don't know how many months. But 
 1 forgot to say that I got into another scrape just 
 before we left harbor. It was my watch when 
 they piped to dinner, and I took the liberty to run 
 below, as my messmates had a knack of forgetting 
 absent friends. Well, the captain came on board, 
 and there were no side boys, no side ropes, and no 
 officers to receive him. He came on deck foaming 
 ■with rage, for his dignity was hurt, and he inquired 
 who was the midshipman of the watch. ' Mr. O'Bri- 
 en,' said they all. ' Devil a bit,' replied I, * it was 
 my forenoon watch.' ' Who relieved you, sir,' said 
 the first lieutenant. ' Devil a soul, sir,' replied I ; 
 ' for they were all too busy with their pork and beef.' 
 ' Then why did you leave the deck without relief?' 
 'Because, sir, my stomach would have had but lit- 
 tle relief if I had remained.' The captain, who stood 
 by, said, ' Do you see those cross-trees, sir ?' ' Is it 
 those little bits of wood that you mane, on tlie top 
 there, captain ?' '' Yes, sir ; now just go up there, 
 and stay until I call you down. You must be brought 
 to your senses, young man, or you'll have but little 
 
 Erospect in the service,' ' I've an idea that I'll 
 ave plenty of prospect when I get up there,' repli-
 
 PETKR SlMi'LK. 93 
 
 €d I, ' but it's all to please you.' So up I went, as 
 I have many a time since, and as you often will, Pe- 
 ter, just to enjoy the fresh air and your own pleas- 
 ant thoughts, ;Ul at one and the same time. 
 
 '• At last I became much more used to the man- 
 ners and customs of sa^-going people, and by the 
 time that I hatl been fourteen months oli" Cape See- 
 see, I was considered a very genteel young midsliip- 
 man, and my messmates (that is, afl that I could 
 thrash, which didn't leave out many) had a very 
 great respect for me. 
 
 " The first time I put my foot on shore was at 
 Minorca, and tlien I put my foot into it, (as we say,| 
 for I was nearly killed for a heretic, and only saved 
 by proving uiyself a true Catholic, which proves 
 that religion is a great comfort in distress, as Fa- 
 ther M'Grath used to say. Several of us went on 
 shore, and having dined upon a roast turkey, stuff- 
 ed with j)lumb pudding, (for every thing else was 
 conked in oil, and we could not eat it.) and having 
 drunk as much wine as would flo-.it a jolly-boat, we 
 ordered donkeys, to take a little etjuestrian e.xer- 
 cise. Some went o.T tail an end, some witli their 
 hind-quarters uppennost, and then tlio riders went 
 off instead of the donkeys j some wouldn'tgo off at all; 
 as for mine he would g<j — and wlie re tliedcvildoyou 
 think he went ? Why, into the thurcli where all 
 the people were at maes : the po<jr brute w;;^ dying 
 with thirst, and buiclt water. ;\.s soon ns he was in, 
 notwithstanding all my tugging' and hauling, he ran 
 his nose into the holy water fount, and drank it all 
 up. Although I thought, that seeing how few Chris- 
 tians have any religion, that you could not e.\pcct 
 much from a donkey, yet I was very much shocked 
 at the sacrilege, and fearful of tlie consequences. 
 Nor was it without reason, for tlie people in the 
 church were quite horrified, as well they might be. 
 for the brute drank as much holy water as would 
 liavo purified the whole town of Pert Molion, sub-
 
 94 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 urbs and all to boot. They rose up from tlieir knees 
 and seized me, calling upon all the saints in the cal- 
 endar. Although I knew what they meant, not a 
 word of their lingo could I spealc, to plead for my 
 life, and I was almost torn to pieces before the 
 priest came up. Perceiving the danger I was in, I 
 ■wiped my finger across the wet nose of the donkey, 
 crossed myself, and then went dowTx on my knees 
 to the priests, crying out cidpa mea, as all good Cath- 
 olics do — though 'twas no fault of mine, as I said 
 before, for I tried all 1 could, and tugged at the 
 brute till my strength was gone. The priests per- 
 ceived by the manner in which I crossed myself 
 that I was a good Catholic, and guessed that it was 
 all a mistake of the donkey's. They ordered the 
 crowd to be quiot, and sent for an interpreter, when 
 1 explained the whole story. They gave me abso- 
 lution for what the donkey had done, and after that, 
 as it was very rare to meet an English officer 
 who was a good Christian, I was in great favor 
 during my stay at Minorca, and was living in plen- 
 ty, paying for nothing, and as happy as a cricket. 
 So the jackass proved a very good friend, and, to 
 reward him, I hired him every day, and galloped 
 him all over the island. But, at last, it occurred to 
 me that I had broken my leave, for I was so happy 
 on shore that I quite forgot that I had only permis- 
 sion for twenty-four hours, and I should not have 
 remembered it so soon, had it not been for aparty of 
 marines, headed by a sergeant, who took me by the 
 collar, and dragged me off my donkey. I was tak- 
 en on board, and put under an arrest for my miscon- 
 duct. JVow, Peter, I don't know any thing more 
 agreeable than being put under an arrest. Kothing 
 to do all day but eat and drink, and please yourself j 
 only forbid to appear on the quarterdeck, the only 
 place that a midsliipman wishes to avoid. Whether 
 It was to punish me more severely, or whether he 
 forgot all about me, I can't tell, but it was nearly
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 95 
 
 two months before I was sent for in the cabin ; and 
 the captain, with a most terrible frown, said, that he 
 trusted that my punishment would be a warning to 
 me, and that now I might return to my dutv. ' Plase 
 your honor,' said I, ' 1 don't think that I've been 
 punished enough yet.' ' 1 am glad to find that you 
 are so penitent, but you are forgiven, so take care 
 that you do not oblige me to put you again in con- 
 finement.' So, as there was no persuading him, I 
 was obliged to return to my duty again ; but 1 made 
 a resolution that I would get into another scrape 
 again as soon as I dared "' 
 
 '* Sail on the starboard-bow," cried the look-out 
 man. 
 
 " Very well," replied the majsterj " Mr. O'Brien 
 •^where's Mr. O'Brien ?" 
 
 " Is it me you mane, sir?" said O'Brien, walking 
 up to the master, for he had sat down so long in the 
 topsail-halyard rack, tliat he was wedged in, and 
 could not get out immediately. 
 
 " Yes, sir 5 go forward, and see what that vessel 
 is." 
 
 "Aye, aye, sir," said O'Brien; "and Mr. Sim- 
 ple," continued the master, " go down and bring me 
 up mv night-glass." 
 
 " Yes, sir, replied I. I had no idea of a night- 
 glass -, and as I «)bservcd that about tliia time his 
 servant brought him up a glass of grog, 1 thou-'ht it 
 very lucky that I knew what he meant. " Pake 
 care that you don't break it, Mr. Simple." "O 
 then, I'm all right," thought I; "he means the 
 tumbler .'' so down I went, called up the gun-room 
 »t«-ward, and desired him to give me a glass of 
 
 f[rog for Mr. Doball. The steward tumbled out in 
 lis shirt, mixed the grog, and gave it to me, and I 
 carried it up very carefully to the ipiartcrdec k. 
 
 During my absence, the master had calleil the 
 captain, and in jiursuance of his orilers, O'Brien 
 had called tlie first lieutenant, and when 1 came up
 
 96 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 the ladder, they were both on deck. As I was 
 ascending I heard the master say, " I have sent 
 young Simple down for my night-glass, but he is so 
 "long, that I suppose he has made some mistake. 
 He's but half a Ibol.'' "That I deny,'" replied Mr. 
 Falcon, the first lieutenant, just as I put my loot on 
 the quarterdeck. '• He's no fool. " Perhaps not," 
 replied the master. •' O, here he is. What made 
 you so lon^, Mr. Simple — where is my night-glass ?" 
 
 "Here it is, sir," replied I. handing him the 
 tumbler of grog ; '• I told the steward to make it 
 stiff."' The captain and the first lieutenant burst 
 out into a laugh — for Mr. Doball was known to be 
 very fond of grog 5 the former walked aft to conceal 
 his mirth ; but the latter remained, Mr. Doball 
 was in a great rage. •• Did not I say that the boy 
 was half a fool ?" cried he, to the first lieutenant. 
 " At all events I'll not allow that he has proved 
 himself so in this instance," replied Mr, Falcon, 
 " for he has hit the right nail on the head." Then 
 the first lieutenant joined the captain, and they both 
 weTit off laughing. •'Put it on the capstan, sir," 
 said Mr. Doball to me in an angry voice. '' FlI 
 punish you by-and-by." I was very much astonished } 
 I hardly knew wlicther I had done right or v.rong; 
 at all events, thought I to myself, I did for the bestj 
 BO I put it on the capstan, and walked to my own 
 side of the deck. The captain and the first lieu- 
 tenant then went below, and O'Brien came aft. 
 " What vessel is it ?" said I. 
 
 " To the best of my belief, it's one of your 
 bathing machines going home with despatcHes," 
 replied he. 
 
 " A bathing machine," said I j " why I thought 
 they were hauled up on the beach." 
 
 '' That's the Brighton sort ; but these are made 
 not to go up at all." 
 
 '• What then ?" 
 
 '• Why, to go down, to be sure ; and rcmakably
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 97 
 
 well they answer their purpose. I won't puzzle 
 YOU any more, my Peter — I'm speaking hclligorical- 
 ly, which I believe means telling a hell of a lie. 
 It's one of vour ten-gun brigs, to the best of ray 
 knowledge." 
 
 I then told O'Brien what had occurred, and hovr 
 the master was angry with me. O'Brien laughed 
 very heartily, and told me never to mind, but to 
 keep in the lee scuppers and watch him. " \ glass 
 of grog is a bait that he'll play round till he gorges. 
 When you see it to his lips, go up to him boldly, 
 and ask his pardon, if vou have otiendod him, and 
 then, if he's a good Christian, as I believe him to 
 be, he'll not refuse it." 
 
 1 thought this was very good advice, and I waited 
 under the bulwark on the Tee side. I observed that 
 he master made shorter and shorter turns every 
 time, till at last he stopped at the c:ipslan and 
 looked at the grog. He waited about a half a. 
 minute, and then he took up the tumbler, and 
 drank about half of it. It was very strong, and he 
 stopped to take breath. 1 thought this was the 
 riglit time, and I went up to him. The tumbler 
 wa.s again to his lins, and before he saw mo, I said, 
 "I hope, sir, you'll forgive uk? ; I never heard of a 
 night telescope, and knowing thai you had walked 
 so long, I thought you were tircil, and v. anted soinc- 
 thing to drink to refresh you." '• Well, Mr. Sim- 
 ple, said he after he had finished tlu; glass, witli 
 a deep sigh of pleasure, "as you meant kindly, I 
 shall let you off this time ; but recollect, that 
 wlicnever you bring me a glass of grog again, it 
 must not be in the presence of the captain or first 
 lieutenant." I promised him very taithfully, and 
 went away quite delighted with my having made 
 peace with liim, and more so, that the first lieuten- 
 ant had said that I was no iViol tor what 1 had done. 
 
 At la&l our watrh w.is over, and about two IkjHs I 
 ^as relieved by the midshipman of the next witch. 
 
 VOL. I. 7
 
 98 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 It is very unfair not to relieve in time, but if I taid 
 a vk-ord, J was certain to be thrashed the next day 
 upon some protence or another. On the other 
 hand, the midshipman whom I relieved was much 
 bigger than I was, and if I was not up before one 
 bell, I was cut down and thrashed by him 5 so that 
 between the two I kept much more than my share 
 of the watch, except when the master sent me to 
 bed before it was over. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 The Irs* lieutenant prescribes for on f of his patients, bis presrriptions 
 coii?is'iiiK of drauglat oiil> — U'Biifii fiiiulii-s (lie liisiorj- of his hfe, iu 
 which liie provert) of " tlic more ti.e nn-rrier " is Siiiily disproved — 
 S)iippiii; a luw pur of bnois cuHes thi- unshipping oi their owner — 
 Walking ho:ne after a ball, 0'13r;eu ineeis witli mi accidea'. 
 
 The next morning I was on deck at seven bells, 
 to see the hamuiocks stowed, when I was witness 
 to Mr. Falcon, the tirst lieutenant, having recourse 
 to one of bis remedies to cure a mizen-top boy of 
 smoking, a practice to which he had great aversion. 
 He never interfe.'-ed with the men smoking in the 
 gallev, or chewing tobacco J but he prevented the 
 boys, that is, lads under twenty or therer.bciUs.iiom 
 indu iging in the hnbit too early. The first lieutenant 
 tmcit the tobacco as the boj^passed him on the 
 quarterdeck. '.' Why. jVeill, you have been smok- 
 ing," said the first lieutenant. ■' I thought you were 
 aware that I did not permit such lads as you to use 
 tobacco." 
 
 " If you please, sir," replied the mizen-top-man, 
 touching his hat, '• I'se got worms, and they say 
 tliat smoking be good for them." 
 
 "Good for them I" said the first lieutenant)
 
 PETEK SlMl'LE. 99 
 
 " yes, very good for them, but very bad for you. 
 Why, ujy good fellow, they'll thrive upon tobacco 
 until they grow as large as conger ec,ls. Heat is 
 w hat the worms are fond of 3 but cold — cold v. ill tall 
 them. .Now 111 euro you. Quarter-master, come 
 here. Walk this boy up and down the weather 
 gangway, and every time you get forward abreast 
 of tlie main-tack block, put his mouth to windward, 
 squeeze him sharp by Uie uape of his neck untd he 
 opens his jaouth wide, and there keep him and let 
 tlie cold air>blow down his throat, while you count 
 ten ; then walk him ;Ul, and when you are forward 
 a;^ain, proceed as before. — CoJd kills worms, my 
 poor boy, not tobacco — 1 wonder that you are not 
 tlcad by this time." 
 
 'i'he quarter-master, who liked the joke, as did 
 all the seamen, seized hold of the hid, and as soon 
 as they arrived forward, gave him such a soueeze 
 of tlic neck as to force him to open hia mouth, if it 
 were only to cry with pain. I'lie wind was very 
 fresh, and blew into his nioutii so strong, that it ac- 
 lualU whistled while he was forced to keep it open ; 
 .ii;.l thus, he was obliged to walk up and down, 
 cooling his inside, for nearly two hours, when the 
 fjr:t l;euten:ujt sent for him, and Uild him that he 
 liiou^ht all the worms must be dead by that time; 
 but if they were not, the lad was not to a])ply his 
 oWn remedies, but come to him for another dose. 
 However the boy v^nm of the same ojiiuion as the lirst 
 lieutenant, and tl^^er complaiiied of worms again. 
 
 A few nights alterirards, whwi we had the middle 
 watch. O'BrifM proccrded \sith his story. 
 
 " Where w;is it that 1 left olf/' 
 
 " You lei\ oH' at the lime that you were taiien out 
 of conlii;eme:il." 
 
 " iSo I did, sure enoui^h •, and it was with no good 
 will that 1 went to my duty. However, as there 
 was no help for it, I walked u;.) and down the deck 
 as b<:fcrc, with my hands in my pockcta, thinking
 
 100 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 of old Ireland and my great an'^cstcr Brien Borru. 
 And so 1 went on behaving myself like a real gen- 
 tleniau, and getting into no more scrapes, until the 
 fleet put into the Cove of Cork, and 1 fcuixl myself 
 within a few miles of my fat!;er's hcuse. You may 
 suppose that the anchor had hardly kissed the mud. 
 before I went to the first lieutenant, and asked 
 leave to go on shore. Kow the first lieutenant was 
 not in the sweetest of tempers, seeing as how the 
 captain had been hauling him over the coals frr 
 not carrying on the duty according to his satisfac- 
 tion. So he answered me very grufHy, that I shcui J 
 not leave the ship. * O bother 1' said 1 to myself, "this 
 will never do.' So up I walked to the captiin, and 
 touching my hat, reminded him that I had a father 
 and mother, and a pretty sprinkling of brothers and 
 sisters, who were dying to see me, and that I hop- 
 ed that he would give me leave. ' Ax the first 
 lieutenant,' said he, turning away. • I have, sir,' 
 replied I, • and he says that the devil a bit siiall I 
 put my foot on shore.' '' Then you have misbc- 
 haved"yourself,' said the captain. "'I'^e: a bit of it, 
 captain Willis,' replied I } ' it's the first lieutenant 
 who has misbehaved.' ' Kow, sir?' answered he, 
 in an angry tone. ' Why, sir, didn't he misbehave 
 just now, in jict carrying on the duty according to 
 your v.'ill and pleasure ? and did'nt you sarvc him 
 out just as he deserved — ar.d isn't lie sulky because 
 you did — and arn't that the reason why I'm not to 
 go on shore ? You see your honor, its all true as I 
 said ; and the first lieutenant has misbeh.aved, and 
 not 1. I hope you will allow me to go on shore, 
 captiin, God bless you ! and make some allowaiice 
 for my parental feelings towards the arthers of my 
 existence.' ' Have you any fault to find with .Mr. 
 O'Brien V said the captain to t!;e mU lieutenant, as 
 he came aft. ' No more th.aa I have with tiie mid- 
 shipmen in general; but I iH'iif.-vc it is not the ctis- 
 tom for ofHccrt; to ask leave to ro rii sLors before
 
 PKTER SIMPLE. 101 
 
 the sails vo furled and yards squared.' ' \'ery true," 
 replied the captain ; ' therefore Mr. O'Brien, you 
 must wait until the watch is called, and tlienifyou 
 ask the first lieutenant, 1 have no doubt but you 
 will have leave granted to you to go and sec your 
 friends.' ' Thank'c kindly, sir,' replied I } and I 
 hoped tiiat the yards and sails would be finished off 
 as soon as possible, for my hoart was in my mvuth, 
 and I felt that if 1 had been kept much longer, it 
 would liave llown on shore before me. 
 
 " 1 thought myself very clever in tliis business, 
 but I was never a greater fool in my life ; for there 
 was no such hurry to have gone on shore, and the 
 first lieutenant never forgave nic for a|)pealing to 
 Ujc captain — but of that by-and-by. and in all good 
 lime. .\t last I obtained a grumbling assent to my 
 going on shore, ajid olT I wont like a sky-rocket. 
 Being in a desperate hurry, 1 hired a jaunting car to 
 Lake me to my father's house. * Is it the O'Brien of 
 Ballyliinch that you mean V inquired the spalpeen 
 who drove the horse. ' Sure it is," replied I ; ' and 
 how is he, and all the noble family of the O'Briens V 
 'All wellenough, bating the boy Tim, who caught a bit 
 of confusion in his iiead the other night at liie fair, 
 and now lies at home in bed quite insensible to 
 mate or drink ; but the doctors gives hopes of his 
 recovery, a.s all the O'Brien's are known to have 
 Euch thick heads.' ' What do you mane by that, 
 bad manners to you V said I ; ' but poor 'i'im — how 
 did it happen — waa tliere a fight V ' JSot much of 
 a fight — only a bit of a skrummage — three crowner'a 
 intjuesLs, no more.' 'But you are not going the 
 straight road, vou thief,' said I, seeing that he had 
 turned off to tiie left. 'I've my reason.s for that, your 
 honor,' replied he ; 'I always turn away from the 
 Castle out of principle — I lost a friend there, and it 
 mokes me melancholy.' 'How came that for to 
 happen ?' ' All by .accident,) our honor ; they hung 
 my poor brotl.r-r I'alrick Uicrc, because lio was a
 
 principle.' 
 Then I'll 
 
 102 FETER SIMPLE. 
 
 bad hand at ariihnietic' ' He should have gone 
 to a better school then/ said I. ' I've an idea that 
 it was a bad school that he was brought up in/ re- 
 plied he. with a sigh. ' He was a cattle-dealer, 
 your honor, and one day, somehow or another, lied 
 a cow loo much — all for not knowing how to count, 
 your honor — bad luck to his schoolmaster I' 'AH 
 that may be very true/ said I, •' and pace be to his 
 soul ; but I don't see why you are to drag me, that's 
 in such a hurry, two miles out of my way out of 
 ' Is your honor in a hurry to get home 7 
 be thinking they'll not be in such a hurry 
 to see you.' ' .\nd who told yoi? that my name was 
 O'Brien, you baste ? — and do you dare to sav that 
 my friends won't be glad to see me V ' Plase your 
 honor, it's all an idea of mine — so sav no more 
 about it. Only this I know ; Fatlier MGrath, who 
 gives me absolution, tould me the other day that I 
 ought to pay him, and not run in debt, and then run 
 away like Terence O'Brien, who went to say, with- 
 out paying for his shirts,, and his shoes, "and his 
 stockings, nor any thing else, and who would live 
 to be hanged as sure as St. Patrick swam over the 
 Liffey with his head under his arih.' * Bad luck to 
 that Father M'Grath.' cried I ; ' devil burn me, but 
 I'll be revenged upon him !' 
 
 '• By that lime we had arrived at the door of my 
 father's house. I paid the rapparee, and in I pop- 
 ped. There was my father and mother, and all my 
 brothers and sisters, (bating Tim, who was in bed 
 sure enough, and died next day.) and that baste Fa- 
 ther M'Grath to boot. When" my mother saw me, 
 she ran to me, and bugged me as she wept on my 
 neck, and then she wiped her eves, and sat down 
 again; bu . nobody else said 'How d'ye do,' or 
 opened their mouth to me. I said to myself, ' Sure 
 there's some trifling mistake here ' but I held my 
 tongue. At last they all opened their mouths with 
 a vengeance. My father commonccd — ' Arn't you
 
 PETER SIMPLE. W8 
 
 Mhnmed on yourself, Terence O'Brien V — ' Arn'l 
 you asliamcd' on yourself, Terence O'Brien V cried 
 rather M'CJralh. — 'Arn'tyou ashamed on yourself T' 
 cried out all my broUiers and sisters in full chorus, 
 whilst my poor mother put her apron to her eyet 
 and said nothing. ' The devil a bit for myself, but 
 ver\' mucli ashamed for you all,' replied I, ' to treat 
 me in this manner. What's the meaning of all 
 this V ' Haven't they seized my two cows to pay 
 for your tojigcr)-, you spalpeen ?' cried my father. 
 ' Haven't tlicy taken the hay to pav for your shoes 
 and stockini];s ?' cried P'nthor M'Clrath. 'Haven't 
 they taken the pit: to pay for that ugly hat of yours?' 
 cried my eldest sister. ' .\nd haven't they tnken 
 my hens to j)ay for tfiat dirk of yours ?' ' .Xnd all 
 our best furniture to pay for your white shirts and 
 black cravats ?' cried ^iurduck, my brother. ' And 
 haven't we been starved to death ever since ?' cried 
 they all. ' Och hone I' saiii my mother. ' Tlie de- 
 vil they have I' said I, wh«'n they'd all done. ' Sure 
 I'm sorry enough, l)ut it's no fault of mine. Fa- 
 ther, din't you send me to say ?' ' Yes, you rappa- 
 ree ; but didn't you promise — r)r didn't I promise 
 for you, which is all one and the same thiiit; — that 
 you'd pay it all bark with your prize moiifv — and 
 where is it? answer that, Terence O'Brien.' 
 'Where is it, father? I'll tell you — it's where 
 next Christmas is — comin'j, but not come yet.' 
 ' Spake to him, I'atlier M'(irath,' said my father. 
 ' Is not that a lie of yours, Terence O'Brien, that 
 you're after tellin;; now?" said Father M'(irath; 
 ' \l\\e me the money.' Mt's no lie, Father M'(Jrath; 
 if it pleased you to die to-morrow, the devil of a 
 shillin-^ have 1 tojin-jle on your t(>nd)stone fur jt<kk1 
 luck, batin<,' those three or four, which you may di- 
 Tide between you,' and 1 threw them rm the floor. 
 
 '"Terence O'Brien.' said Father M'(iruth, ' it's 
 absolution that you'll l*c wanting to-morrow, aft«r 
 all your sins and enormities-, and the devil a bit 
 •hall vou have — take that now.'
 
 101 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " • Father jM'Grath,' replied I, very angrily, 'it's 
 no absolution that Fll want from you, any how- 
 take that now.' 
 
 '• ' Then you have had your share of heaven 5 for 
 I'll keep you out of it. you wicked monster/ said 
 Father M'Grath — ' take that now.' 
 
 "' If it's no better than a midshipman's berth, ' 
 replied I, ' I'd just as soon stay out ; but I'll creep 
 in in spite of you — take that now, Father M'Grath.' 
 
 " 'And who's to save your soul, and send you to 
 heaven, if I don't, you wicked wretch' but I'll see 
 you d— — d first — so take that now, Terence O'Bri- 
 en.' 
 
 " ' Then I'll turn Protestant, and damn the pope 
 ^-take that now. Father M'Grath.' 
 
 '•At this last broadside of mine, my father and 
 all my brothers and sisters raised a cry of horror, 
 and my mother burst into tears. Father M'Grath 
 seized hold of the pot of holy water, and dipping 
 in the little whisk, began to sprinkle the room, say- 
 ing a latin prayer, while they all went on squalling 
 at me. At last, my father seized the stool, which 
 he had been seated upon, and threw it at my head. I 
 dodged, and it knocked down Father M'Grath, who 
 had just walked behind me in full song. I knew that 
 it was all over after that, so I sprang over his carcass 
 and gained the door. ' Good morning to ye all, and 
 better manners to you next time we meet,' cried I, 
 and oft' I set as fast as I could for the ship. 
 
 '• I was melancholy enough as I walked back, 
 and thought of what had passed. ' I need not have 
 been in such a confounded hurry,' said I to myself, 
 ' to ask leave, thereby aff'ronting the first lieutenant j' 
 and I was very sorry for what I had said to the 
 priest, for my conscience thumped me very hard at 
 naving even pretended that I'd turn Protestant, 
 which I never intended to do, nor ever will, but 
 live and die a good Catholic, as all my posterity 
 have done before me, and, as I trust, all my ances-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 1C5 
 
 tors Will for generations to come. Well, I arrived 
 on board, and the first lieutenant was very savage. 
 I hoped he would get over it, but he never did; and 
 he continued to treat me so ill, that 1 determined 
 toquit the ship, which I did as soon as we arrived 
 in Cawsand Bay. Tlie captain allowed me to go, 
 for 1 told hiin the whole truth of the matter, and he 
 saw that it was true; so he recommended me to 
 the captain of a jackass frigate, who was in want 
 of midshipmen." 
 
 '• What do you mean by a jackass frigate V in- 
 quired I. 
 
 " I mean one of your twenty-eight gun ships : so 
 called, because there is as much difference between 
 tlicin and a real frigate, like the one we are sailing 
 in, as there is between a donkey and a race-liorse. 
 Well, the ship was no sooner brought down to the 
 dock-yard to have her ballast taken in, than our 
 captain came down to her — a little, thin, spare 
 man, but a man of weight nevertheless, for he 
 brought a great pair of scales with him, and weigh- 
 ed every thing that was put on board. 1 forget his 
 real name, but the sailors christened him captain 
 Avoirdupois. He had a large book, and in it he in- 
 serted the weight of the ballast, and of the shot, 
 water,provision3,coals, standing and running rigging, 
 cables, and every thing else. Then he weighed all 
 the mcn,and all the midshipmen, and all the midship- 
 men's chests, and ail the otficcrs, and every thin^ 
 belonging to them ; la.stly, he weighed himself, 
 which did not add much to the sum total. I don't 
 exactly know what tiiis was for ; but he was always 
 talking about centres of gravity, disjilacement of 
 fluid, and Lord knows what. I believe it was to find 
 out the longitude, somehow or other, but I didn't 
 remain long enough in her to know the end of it ; 
 for one day I brought on board a pair of new boots, 
 which I forgot to report that they might l)C put into 
 the scales which swanj on the gangway ; and whe-
 
 lOG PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 ther the captaiu thought that they would sink his 
 ship, or for what I cannot tell, but he ordered me 
 to quit her immediately — so tliere I was adritl 
 again. I packed up my' traps and went on shore, 
 putting on my new boots out of spite, and trod into 
 all the mud and mire I could meet, and walked up 
 and down from Plymouth to Dock until I was tired, 
 as a punishment to them, until 1 wore the scoun- 
 drels out in a fortnight. 
 
 "One day I was in the dock-yard, looking at a 
 two-decker in the basin, just brought forward for 
 service, and I inquired who was to be the captain. 
 They told me that his name was O'Connor. Then 
 he's a countryman of mine, thought I, and I'll try 
 my luck. So 1 called at Goud's Hotel, where I 
 was lodging, and requested to speak with him. I 
 was admitted, and I told him, with my best bow, 
 that I had come as a volunteer for his ship, and that 
 my name was O'Brien. As it happened, he had 
 some vacancies, and liking my brogue, he asked me 
 in what ships I had served. I told him, and also 
 my reason for quitting my last — which was. because 
 I was turned out of it. 1 explained the story of the 
 boots, and he made inquiries, and found that it was 
 all true ; and then he gave me a vacancy as master's 
 mate. We were ordered to South America, and 
 the trade winds took us there in ajiffey. I liked 
 my captain and officers very much ; and what was 
 better, we took some good prizes. But somehow 
 or other I never had the luck to remain long in one 
 ship, and that by no fault of mine ; at least, not in 
 this instance. AH went on as smooth as possible, 
 until one day, the captain took us on shore to a ball, 
 at one of the peaceable districts. We had a very 
 merry night of it ; but as luck would have it, I had 
 the morning watch to keep, and see the decks 
 cleaned, and as I never neglected my duty, I set 
 off about three o'clock in the morning, just at bresik 
 of day, to go on board of the ship. I was walking
 
 PKTEK blMl'LE. 107 
 
 along the sands, thinking of the pretty girl that I'd 
 been dancing with, and had got about halfway to 
 the ship, when three rapparees of Spanish sol- 
 diers came from behind a rock and attacked me 
 with their swords and bayonets. I had only my 
 dirk, but I was not to be run through for nothing, 
 so I fought them as long as I could. 1 finished one 
 fellow, but at last they finished me ; for a bayonet 
 passed through my body, and 1 forgot all about it. 
 Well, it appears — for I can only say to the best of 
 my knowledge and belief — that after thev had killed 
 me, they stripped me naked and buried nic in the 
 sand, carrying away with them the body of their 
 comrade. So there I was — dead and buried." 
 
 " But, O'Brien," said I— 
 
 " Whist — hold your tongue — you've not heard 
 the end of it. Well, I had been buried about an 
 hour — but not very deep it appears, for they were 
 in too great a hurry — when a fisherman and his 
 daughter came along the beach, on their way to 
 the Doat ; and the daughter, Cod bless her I did me 
 the favor to tread upon my nose. It was clear that 
 she had never trod upon an Irishman's nose before, 
 for it suqirised her, and she looked down to see 
 what was there, and not seeing any thing, she tried 
 it again with her foot, and then she scraped off the 
 sami, and discovered njy pretty face. 1 was quite 
 warm and still breathing, for the sand had stopped 
 the blood, iind prevented my bleeding to death. 
 The fisherman pulled me out, and took me on his 
 back to the house where the ca})t:iin and offuers 
 were still dancing. When he brought me in, there 
 waa a great cry from the ladies, not because I waa 
 murdered, for they are used to it in those countries, 
 but because I was naked, which they considered a 
 much more serious affair. I was put to bed, and a 
 boat despatched on board for our doctor; and in a few 
 hours I was able to speak, and tell Utem how it 
 happened. But I waa too ill to move when the
 
 108 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 ship sailed, which slie was obliged to do in a day 
 or two afterwards, so the captain made out my dis- 
 charge, and left me there. The family were French, 
 and I remained with them six months before I 
 could obtain a passage home, during which I learnt 
 their language, and a very fair allowance of Spanish 
 to boot. When I arrived in England, 1 found that 
 the prizes had been sold, and that the money was 
 ready for distribution. I produced my certihcate, 
 £U)7 for my share. So it's come at last, thought I. 
 '• I never had such a handful of money in my 
 life ; but I hope I shall again very soon. I spread 
 it out on the table as soon as I got home, and 
 looked at it, and then I said to myself, ' iXow, 
 Terence, O'Brien, will you keep this money to 
 yourself or send it home ?' Then I thought of Fa- 
 ther M'Grath, and the stool that was thrown at my 
 head, and I was very near sweeping it all back into 
 my pocket. But then I thought of my mother, and 
 of the cows, and the pig, and the furniture, all 
 gone ; and of my brothers and sisters wanting pra- 
 ties, and I made a vow, that I'd send every farthings 
 of it to them, after which Father M'Grath, would 
 no longer think of not giving me absolution. So 
 I sent them every doit, only reserving for myself 
 the pay which I had received, amounting to about 
 £30 ; and 1 never felt more happy in my life than 
 when it was safe in the post-office, and fairly out 
 of my hands. I wrote a bit of a letter to my father 
 at the time, which was to this purpose : — 
 
 " Honored Father : 
 " Since our last pleasant meeting, at which you 
 threiV the stool at my head, missing the pigeon and 
 hitting the crow, I have been dead and buried, but 
 am now now quite well, thank God. and want no 
 absolution from Father M'Grath, bad luck to him. 
 And what's more to the point, I have just received 
 a batch of prize money, tlie first I have handled
 
 I'ETER SIMI'LK. 109 
 
 since I have served his majesty, and every fathing 
 of which I now send to you, that you may get ba^^k 
 your your old cows, and the pii/, and all the revt of 
 the articles seized to pay for my fitting out ; to ne- 
 ver again ask nic whether I am not ashamed of my- 
 self; more shame to you for abusing a dutiful con 
 like myself, v.lio went to sea at your bidding, and 
 has never had a real goo<l potato down his throat 
 ever sinre. I'm a true O'Brien, tell my mother, 
 and don't mane to turn Protestant, but upliold the 
 religion of my country ; although the devil may 
 take Father Al'CJrath and his holy water to boot. 
 I slian't come and see you, as perhaps you may 
 have anotlicr tstool ready for my head, and may tako 
 better aim next time ; so no more at present from 
 your affectionate son. 
 
 ' Tkrenck O'Brien.' 
 
 " About three weeks after^vards I received a let- 
 ter from my fither. telling me that I was a real 
 O'Brien, and that if any one dared to hint to tlie 
 contrary, he would break every bone in his body j 
 that they had received the money, and thanked mc 
 for a real gentlemen as I was ; that I should have 
 the best stool in the house next time I came, not for 
 my head, but for my tail ; that F'athcr M'Clrath sent 
 me his blessing, and had given me absolution for all I 
 had done, or should do for the next ten years to 
 come ; that my mother ha<l cried with joy at my 
 dutiful behavior; and that all i:iy brothers and sis- 
 ters, (bating Tim, who had di^d the day after I left 
 them,) wished me good hirk, and nlentymore pri/e- 
 money to send home to them. '1 his was all very 
 pleasant ; and I had nothing l"ft on my mind but to 
 get another ship ; so I went to the port-ridiniral, 
 and tohl him how it was that I left \ny hist; and he 
 said, ' that lieing dead and buried was quite r,u!fi- 
 cient re.'.son for a:<y o!<c leTvin-^ his ship, :i;id t!iat 
 he would procure me arnHlicr, now that 1 had como
 
 no PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 to life again.' I was sent on board of the guard 
 ship, v.here I remained about ten days, and then 
 v.as sent round to join this frigate — and so my sto- 
 ry's ended ; and there's eight bells striking — so the 
 watch is ended too 3 jump down Peter, and call 
 Robinson, and tell him that I'll trouble him to for- 
 get to go to sleep again as he did the last time, and 
 leave me here, kicking my heels , contrary to tiie 
 rules and regxilations of the service." 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 The Hist liciittii.iiil has more pntieiiU— Mr. Cliucks tlie boalswiiin Ir!8 
 me into iJie secret of bis geiitili'y. 
 
 Befork I proceed with my narrative, I wish to 
 explain to the reader that my history was not writ- 
 ten in after-life, when I had obtained a greater 
 knowledge of the world. When I first v.ent to 
 sea, I promised my mother that I would keep a 
 journal of what passed, with my reflections upon 
 it. To this promise I rigidly adhered, and since 1 
 have been my own master, these journals have re- 
 mained in my possession. In writing, therefore, 
 the early part of my adventures, every thing is 
 stated as it was impressed on my mind at the time. 
 Upon many points I have since had reason to form a 
 different opinion from that which is recorded, and 
 upon many others I have since laughed heartily at 
 my folly and simplicity ; but still, I have thought il 
 advisable to let the "ideas of the period remain, 
 rather than correct them by those of dear-bought 
 experience. A boy of fifteen, brought up in a se- 
 cluded country town, cannot be expected to reason 
 and judge as a young man who has seen much of
 
 PETER SIMPLE. HI 
 
 life, and pissed through a variety of adventures. 
 The reader must therefore remember, that I have 
 referred to my journal for the opinions and feelings 
 which guided me between each distinct annivtrsa- 
 f}- of my existence. 
 
 We had now been cruising for six weeks, and I 
 found that my profession was much more agreeable 
 than I had anticipated. My desire to please was 
 taken for the deed ; and although 1 occasionally 
 made a blunder, yet the captain and first lieutenant 
 seemed to think that I wa^ attentive to my duty to 
 tlie best of my ability, and only smiled at my mis- 
 takes. I also discovered, that however my natural 
 capacity may have been estimated by my family, 
 tliat it was not so depreciated here ; and every day I 
 felt more confidence in myself, and hoped, by at- 
 tention and diligence, to make up fur a want of 
 natural endowment. There certainly is something 
 in the life of a sailor which enlarges tiie mind. 
 When I was at home six months before, 1 allowed 
 other people to think for me, and acted wholly on 
 the leading-strings of their suggestion ; on board, 
 to the best of my ability, I tliought fur myself 1 
 became happy with my messmates — tliose who were 
 harsh upon me left off, because I never resented 
 their conduct, and those who were kind to me were 
 even kinder than b<.'f<)rc. The time flew away 
 quickly, 1 suppose, bccau.=e I knew exactly what I 
 hail to df, and each day was llie forerunner of the 
 ennuing. 
 
 The first lieutenant was one of the most amusing 
 men I ever knew, yet he never relaxed from tiie 
 discipline of the service, or tool; the lea.st liberty 
 with ''ither his superiors or inferiors. His l.umor 
 was piiaci[>ally shtjwn in luv various modes of pun- 
 ishment ; ni'l. however severe tlie punishment wa» 
 to the party. t!ie m inner of iiiliicling it was iava- 
 riibly a s(>ur( c of amuseineul to the rvmainder of 
 
 IV a s( 
 ship's 
 
 the snip's company. I often thought, that although
 
 112 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 no individual liked being punished, yet that all the 
 ship's company were quite pleaded when a punish- 
 ment took place. He was very particular about his 
 decks ; ihey were always as white as snow, and 
 nothing displeased him so much as their being soil- 
 ed. It was for that reason that he had such an ob- 
 jection to the use of tobacco. There were spitting- 
 pans placed in different parts of the decks for the 
 use of the men, that they might not dirty the planks 
 •*vith the tobacco juice. Sometimes a man in his 
 hurry forgot to use these pans, but as the mess to 
 which the stain might be opposite had their grog 
 stopped if the party were not found out, they took 
 good care not only to keep a look-out, but to inform 
 against the offender. Now the punishment for the 
 offence was as follows — the man's hands were tied 
 behind his back, and a large tin spitting-box fixed 
 to his chest by a strap over the shoulders. All the 
 other boxes on the lower deck were taken away, 
 and he was obliged to walk there, ready to attend 
 the summons of any man who might wish to empty 
 his mouth of the tobacco juice. The ot ler men 
 were so pleased at the fancy, that they sp.it twice 
 as much as before, for the pleasure of making him 
 run about. Mr. Chucks, the boatswain, called it 
 " the first lieutenant's prcamhulating spitting-pan.'' 
 He observed to me one day " that really Mr. Fal- 
 con was such an e-picure about his decks, that he 
 was afraid to pudding an anchor on the forecastle." 
 1 was much amused one morning watch that I 
 kept. We were stowing the hammocks in the 
 quarterdeck nettinge, when one of the boys came 
 up with his hammock on his shoulder, and as be 
 
 Eassed the first lieutenant, the latter perceived that 
 e had a quid of tobacco in his cheek. "What 
 have you got there, my good lad — a gum-bile ? — 
 your cheek is very much swelled." "No, sir," re- 
 plied the boy, "there's nothing at all the matter." 
 " O there must be ; it is a bad tooth, then. Open
 
 FF.TF.R SIMPLt:. llS 
 
 vour mojitli. and lei me sec.'' Verv reluctantly the 
 boy opened his uioutli, and discovered a large roll 
 of tobacco leaf. " 1 see, I see, " said tlie first lieu- 
 tenant, "your mouth wants overhauling, and your 
 teeth cleaning. I wish we had a dentist on board j 
 lut as wc Iiavc not, I will operate as well as 1 can. 
 Send the armorer up here with his tongs." Wheo 
 the armorer made his appearance, the boy waa 
 made to open his mouth, while the chaw of tobacco 
 was extracted with his rough instrument. " Thert 
 now,"' said the first lieutenant, " I am sure that vou 
 must feel Letter already ; }ou never could have nad 
 a:iy appetite, ^ow, captain of the afterguard, bring 
 a piece of old canvas and some sand here, and clean 
 his teeth nicely."' The captain of tl:e afterguard 
 came forward, nutting the boy's head between his 
 knees, scrubbed his teeth well with the sand and 
 canvas for two or three minutes. '• There that will 
 do,'" suid the first lieutenant. " ]\ow, my little fel- 
 low, your mouth is nice and clean, and you'll enjoy 
 your breakfast. It was impossible for you to hav« 
 eaten any thing with your mouth in such a nas^ 
 st ite. \Vh(Mi It's dirty again, come to mc, and I'H 
 be your dentist.' 
 
 One day I was on the forecastle w ith Mr. Chucks. 
 the boatswain, who was very kind to me. He haa 
 been showing me how to make the various knota 
 a:id bends < f rope which are used in our service. I 
 am afraid th.at I w;is xcry stui)id, but he showed me 
 over and over again, until 1 learnt how to make 
 them. Amongst others, he taught me a fishennan'i 
 1-cnd, whidi he pronounced to be the kiii^ of all 
 knots ; " and. Mr. Simple,' continued he, " there is 
 a moral in that kuot. Vou observe, that when tl»e 
 parta arc drawn tlie rii^ht way, and together, the 
 more you pull the fast«'r they hold, and the more 
 impofisible to untie them ; but see, by haulini; them 
 apart, how a little dillercncc, a pull the other way, 
 immediately disunites them, and then how eujT 
 vo:. I. S
 
 lU PETER SIiMPLE. 
 
 they cast ofl" in a moment. That points out the ne 
 cessity of pulling together in this world, Mr. Sim- 
 ple, when we wish to hold on, and that's apiece of 
 philosophy worth all the twenty-six thousand and 
 odd years of my friend the carpenter, which leads 
 to nothing but a brown study, when he ought to be 
 attending to his duty." 
 
 " Very true, Mr. Chucks, you are the better phi- 
 losopher of the two." 
 
 "1 arn the better educated, Mr. Simple, and I 
 trust, more of a gentleman. I consider a gentle- 
 man to be, to a certain degree, a philosopher, for 
 very often he is obliged to support his character as 
 Buch, to put up with what another person may very 
 properly tly in a passion about. 1 think coolness is 
 the great character-stick of a gentleman. In the 
 service, Mr. Simple, one is obliged to appear angry 
 without indulging the sentiment. I can assure you, 
 that I never lose mv temper, even v.hen I use my 
 ratan." 
 
 "Why, then, Mr. Chucks, do you swear so much 
 at the men ? surely that is not gentlcm.anly ?" 
 
 " Most certainly' not, sir. But I must defend my- 
 self by observing the very artificial sute in which 
 we live on board of a man-of-war. TSecessity, my 
 dear Mr. Simple, has no law You must observe 
 how gently I always commence when I have to find 
 fault. I do that to prove my gentility ; but, sir, my 
 zeal for the service obliges me to alter my language, 
 to prove in the end that I am in earnest. Nothing 
 would afford me more pleasure than to be able to 
 carry on the duty as a gentleman, but that's impos- 
 sible." 
 
 *' I really cannot see why." 
 
 "Perhaps, then, Mr. Simple, you will explain to 
 me why the captain and first lieutenant swear." 
 
 " That I do not pretend to answer, but they only 
 io so upon an emergency." 
 
 *' Exactly eo ; but, sir, their 'mcrgency is my dai-
 
 FETER SLMl'Li:. 115 
 
 Iv and hourly duty." Tn tlic continual working of 
 the sliip I am answerabb fur all that f-ocs amiss. 
 The lilu of a boatswaia is a life of 'niergoncy, and 
 therefore I swear.'"' 
 
 " I still cannot allow it to be reciuisitc, and cer- 
 tainly it is sinful." 
 
 '' Excuse me, my dear sir. it is absolutely requi- 
 site, and not at all sinful. There is one language 
 for the pulpit, and another for on board ship, and, 
 in cither situation, a man must make use of those 
 terms most likely to produce the necessary clfect 
 upon his listeners. Whether it is I'rom long cus- 
 tom of the service, or from the indilference of a 
 sailor to all c«)mmon thinijs and language, (I can't 
 esrictly explain myself, Mr. Simple, but I know 
 what f mean,) perhnps constant excitement may do, 
 and therefore he requires more ' stimilis,' as they 
 call it, to make him move. Certain it is, that com- 
 mon parlenry woii't do with a common seamen. It 
 is not here as in the Scriptures, ' Do tjiis, and he 
 do.'lh ;' (by-llie-by, that chap must have had his 
 solvlinrs in ti^ht order ;) but it i.<?, ' Do tiiis, d — n 
 your eyes,' and then it is done directly. The: order 
 to do just carries the woi^'ijt of a cannon fhot, but 
 it wants the perpellintr power — tlie d — n is t)ie :.'un- 
 powder which sets it llying in the execution of ita 
 duty. Do you cou»j»rehr-nd me, Mr. Simple ?" 
 
 *' I perfectly understand you. Mr. Cliucks, and I 
 cannot help rcniarkini', and tliat without liattery, 
 tliat you are very different from the rest of the 
 warrajit oflicers. Where did you receive your edu- 
 cation 7" 
 
 " Mr. Simple, I am here a boatswain with a clean 
 shirt, and, I say if mystrif, and no one dare gainsay 
 it, also with a thoroujih kncvledge of my duty. 
 But althouL;li I do not say that 1 was ever better olf, 
 I can say thi;?, that I've been in tlie best Lociely, in 
 t)ie company of lords and ladies. I onco dinod witli 
 your grandfather.''
 
 116 PETRR SIMPLE. 
 
 '• Thnt's more than e/er I did, for he never risked 
 me, nor lock tie least notice of me," replied I. 
 
 " What I state is true. I did not know that lie 
 was you praiulfather until yesterday, when I was 
 talking with Mr. O'Brien , but I perfectly recollect 
 him, although I was very young at that time. Now, 
 Mr. Simple, if you will promise me as a gentlemen, 
 (and I know you are one.) that you will not repeat 
 what I tell you, then Til let you into the history of 
 my life.-' 
 
 " Mr. Chucks, as I am a gentleman I never will 
 divul:ie it until you are dead and buried, and not 
 then if you do not wish it." 
 
 '* When I am dead and buried, you may do as you 
 please 5 it may then be of service to other people, 
 although my story is not a very long one." 
 
 Mr. Chucks then sat down upon the fore-end of 
 the booms by the funnel, and 1 took my place by 
 his side, wlien he commenced as follows : 
 
 " Mv father was a boatswain before me — one of 
 the old school, rough as a bear, and drunken as a 
 Gosport fiddler. My motlior was — my motl;er. and 
 I shall say no more. My Hitlser was invalided for 
 harbor duty after a life of intoxication, and died 
 shortly afterwards. In the mean time I had been, 
 by the kindness of the port-admiral's wife, educated 
 at a foundation school. I was thirteen when mv 
 father died, and my mother, not knowing what to 
 do with me, wished to bind me apprentice to a 
 merchant vesfol ; but this I refused, and, after six 
 months' quarrelling on the subject, I decided the 
 point by volunteering in the ZVarcissus frigate. * 
 believe tliat my gentlemanly ideas were innate, Mr. 
 Simple ; 1 never, as a child, could bear the idea of 
 the merchant service. After I had been a week 
 on board, I was appointed servant to tlie purser, 
 where I gave such s.itisfacticn by my alertness and 
 dexterity, that t!ie first lieutenant took me away 
 from the purser to attend upon himself, so that in
 
 I'ETER SIMPLE. 117 
 
 two months 1 was a person of such conseciuence 
 as to create a disturbance in the gunroom, for the 
 purser was very angrv, and many of the rjificers took 
 nis part. It was whispered that I w;i:j the son of 
 the tirst heutenant, and tljat he was aware of it. 
 How far tliat may be true I know not, but there 
 was a likeness between us ; and my mother, who 
 was a very pretty woman, attended his sliip many 
 years before as a bumboat girl. 1 can't pretend to 
 say any thing about it. but this I do say, Air. Simple 
 — and many will blame me for it but 1 can't lielp 
 my natural feelings — that I had rather be the bye- 
 blow of a gentleman, than the 'gitimate oH'spring 
 of a boatswain and his wife. Tliere's no chance 
 of good blood in your veins in the latter instance, 
 whereas, in the former, you may have stolen a drop 
 or two. It so happened, tiiat aAer I had served 
 the first lieutenant lor about a year, a young lord 
 (I must not mention his name. Mr. Simple) w;ls 
 sent to sea by his friends, or by his own choice, 1 
 don't know whicli, but I was told that his uncle, 
 who was 'zeckative, and had an interest in his death, 
 persuaded him to go. \ lord at tliat period, some 
 twenty-five years ago, was a rarity in the service, 
 and thev u.sed to salute him when he came on 
 board, 'i'lie consequence was that the young lord 
 must have a servant to himself, although all the 
 rest of the midshipmen ha«i but one servant between 
 them. The captain imjuired who was the best boy 
 in the ship, antl the purser, to whom he apjicaled, 
 recommended me. Accordingly, much to the an- 
 noyance of tlie first lieutenant, (for first lieutenants 
 in those days did not assume as they do now, not 
 that I refer to Mr. Falcon, who is a gentleman,) I 
 WEB immediately surrendered to his lordship. I 
 had a very ea^y. comfortable life of it — I did little 
 or nothing ; if inquired for when all hands were 
 turned un, I was cleaning hi« lordxhip's boots, or 
 brushing liis lordship's clothes, and there was noth-
 
 110 PETER SIiMPLE. 
 
 ing to be said when his lordship's name was men- 
 tioned. "We went to the Mediterranean, (because 
 his lordship's mamma wislied it,) and we had been 
 there about a year, when his lordship ate so many 
 grapes tliat he was seized with a dysenter}'. He 
 was ill for three weeks, and then he requested to 
 be sent to Malta in a transport going to Gibraltar, 
 or rather to the Barbary coast, for bullocks. He 
 became worse every dny and made his v.-ill, leaving 
 me all his effects on board, which I certainly de- 
 served for the kindness with v.hich I had nursed 
 him. Off Malta we fell in with a xebeque, bound 
 to Civita Vecchia, and the captain of the transport, 
 anxious to proceed, advised our going on board of 
 her, as the wind was light and contrary, and these 
 Mediterranean vessels sailed better on a wind than 
 the transport. My master, who was now sinking 
 fast, consented, and we changed our shij^s. The 
 next day he died, and a gale of wind came on, 
 which prevented us from gaining the port for several 
 days, and the body of his lordship not only become 
 so offensive, but affected the superstil.on of the 
 Catholic sailors so much, that it was hove overboard. 
 None of the people could speak English, nor could 
 I speak Maltese ; they had no idea who we were, 
 and I had plenty of time for cogitation. I had oJlen 
 thought what a line thing it was to be a lord, and 
 as often wished that I had been born one. The 
 wind was still against us, when a merchant vessel 
 ran down to us, that had left Civita Vecchia for 
 Gibraltar. I desired the captain of the xebeque to 
 make a signal of distress, or rather I did myself, 
 and the vessel, which proved to be English, bore 
 down to us. 
 
 " I manned the boat to go on board, and the idea 
 came into my head, that, although they might re- 
 fuse to take me, that they would not refuse a lord. 
 I put on the midshipman's uniform belonging to 
 his lordship, (but then certainly belonging to me,)
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 119 
 
 and went aloneside of the merchant vessel; told 
 them that 1 had left my ship for the benefit of my 
 health, and wanted a passage to Gibraltar, on my 
 way home. My title, and immediate acceptanc* 
 of the terms demanded for my passage, was suffi- 
 cient. My property was brought from the xebcque ; 
 and, of course, as tlicy could not speak English, 
 they could not cuislrailict, even if they suspected. 
 Here, Mr. Simple, I must acknowledge a slight flaw 
 in my early history, which 1 impart to you .u confi- 
 dence 5 or otherwise I should not have been able 
 to prove that I was correct in asserting that 1 had 
 dined with your grandfather. But the temptation 
 was too strong, and 1 could not resist. Think your- 
 self, Mr. Simple, after having served as a slap's boy 
 — clouted here, kicked there, damned by one, and 
 sent to hell by another — toiind myself treated with 
 such respect and deference, and my lorded this and 
 my lorded that, every minute of the day. During 
 my passage to Gibraltar, 1 had plenty of time lor 
 arranging my plans. I liardly need say that my 
 lord's kit was valuable ; and what was better, they 
 exactly fitted me. 1 also had his watches and trin- 
 kets, and many other tilings, besides a bag of dollars. 
 However, they were honestly mine ; and the only 
 thing that 1 took waa his name, which he had no 
 further occasion for, poor fellow 1 But it's no use 
 defending what was wrong — it was dishonest, and 
 tliere's an end of it. 
 
 " iS'ow ob»erve, Mr. Simple, how one thing leads 
 to another, I declare to you, that my first idea of 
 making use of his lordship's name, was to [)rocure 
 a passage to Gibraltir. 1 then waa undecided how 
 to act J but, as 1 had charge of his papers and letters 
 to his mother and guardian, I think — indeed 1 am 
 almost sure — that I should have laid a«idc my 
 dignity and midshipman's dress, and applied for a 
 passage home to the commissioner of the yard. 
 But it was fated to be otherwise ; for the master
 
 120 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 of the transport went on shore to report ami obtain 
 
 Eratique, and he told them everywhere that young 
 .ord A was a passenger with him goinj to 
 
 England for the benefit of his health. In less than 
 half an hour, oif came the commissioner's boat, and 
 another boat from the governor, requesting the 
 honor of my company, and that 1 would tnke a bed 
 at their houses during my stay. What could I do ? 
 I began to be frightened ; but I was more afraid to 
 confess that I was an impostor, for I am sure the 
 master of the transport alone would have kicked 
 me overboard, if I havd let him know that he had 
 been so confounded polite to a ship's boy. So I 
 blushed half from modesty and half from guilt, and 
 accepted the invitation of the governor; sending a 
 polite verbal refusal to the commissioner, upon the 
 plea of there being no paper or pens on board. I 
 toad so often accompanied my late master, that I 
 knew vei-y well how to conduct myself, and had 
 borrowed a good deal of his air and appearance — 
 indeed, I had a natural taste for gentility. I could 
 write and read ; not perhaps so well as I ought to 
 have done, considering the education I had reccircd; 
 but still quite well enough for a lord, and indeed 
 much better than my late master. I knew his sig- 
 nature well enough, although the very idea of being 
 forced to use it made me tremble. However, the 
 die \^as cast. I ought to observe, that in one point 
 we were not unlike — both had curly light hair and 
 blue eyes; in other points there was no resemblance. 
 I was by far the better looking chap of the two ; 
 and as we had been up the Alediterranean for two 
 years, I had no fear of any doubt as to my identity 
 until 1 arrived in England. 
 
 "Well, Mr. Simple, I dressed myself venr care- 
 folly, put on my chains and rings, and a little per- 
 fume in my handkerchief and accompanied the aid- 
 de-camp to the governor's, where I Avas asked after 
 my mother Lady , and my uncle, my guardian,
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 121 
 
 »nd a hundred other qurstioiis. At first I was much 
 confused, which was attributed to bashfulness ; and 
 so it was, but not of the right sort. But before the 
 day was over, I had become so acrustomed to be 
 called ' inv lord,' and to my situation, that 1 was 
 quite at my ease, and bepan to watrli the motions 
 and behavior of the company, that I might regulate 
 my comportment by that of good society. I re- 
 mained at Ciibraltar for a fortnight, and then was 
 offered a passage in a transport ordered to Plymouth. 
 Being an officer, of course it was free to a certain 
 extent. On my passage to England. I again made 
 up my mind that I would put off" mv dress and title 
 as soon as I could escape from observation ; but ] 
 was prevented as before. The port-admiral sent 
 off" to request the pleasure of my company to din- 
 ner. I dared not refuse ; and there I was my lord, 
 as before, courted and feasted by everybody. 
 Tradesmen called to request the honor of my 
 lordship's custom ; my table at the hotel was cov- 
 ered with cards of all descriptions ; and to confess 
 the truth, I liked my situation so much, and had 
 been so accustomed to it, that I now began to dis- 
 like the idea that one day or other I must resign it, 
 wh'ch I determined to (lo as soon as 1 quitted the 
 place. My bill at the hotel was very e.ttravagant, 
 and more than I could pay 5 but the master said it 
 was not of the least c<)nse<|uenre : that of course 
 his lordship had not providt-d himself with cash, 
 just coming from forrign part.s, and offered to sup- 
 ply me witn money if I required it. This, I will 
 say. I was honest enough to refuse. I lelt my cards, 
 P. P. C, aa they do, Mr. Simple, in all well regu- 
 lated society, and set off in the mail for London, 
 where I fully resolved to drop my title, and to pro- 
 ceed to Scotland to his lordship's mother, with the 
 mournful intelligence of his death — for you see, 
 Mr. Simple, no one knew that his lordship was dead. 
 The c^taju of the transport had put him into the
 
 122 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 xebeque alive, and the vessel bound to Gibraltar 
 had received him, as they imagined. The captam 
 of the frigate had very soon afterwards advices from 
 Gibraltar, stating his lordship's recovery and return 
 to England. Well, I had not been in the coach 
 more than five minutes, when who should get in 
 but a gentleman whom I had met at the port-admi- 
 rals 5 besides which, the coachman and others 
 knew me very well. When I arrived in London, 
 (1 still wore my midshipman's uniform,) I went to an 
 hotel recommended me, as I afterwards found out, 
 the most fashionable in town, my title still follow- 
 ing me. I now determined to put off my uniform, 
 and dress in plain clothes — my farce was over. I 
 went to bed that night, and the next morning made 
 my appearance in a suit of mufty, making inquiry 
 of the waiter which was the best coveyance to 
 Scotland. 
 
 " ' Post chay and four, my lord. At what time 
 shall I order it V 
 
 " 'O,' replied I, 'I am not sure that I shall go 
 to-morrow.' 
 
 "Just at this moment in came the master of the 
 hotel, with the 'Morning Post' in his hand, making 
 me a low bow, and pointing to the insertion of my 
 arrival at his hotel among the fashionables. This 
 annoyed me ; and now that I found how difficult it 
 was to get rid of my title, I became particularly 
 anxious to be William Chucks, as before. Before 
 twelve o'clock, three or four gentlemen were ush- 
 ered into my sitting-room, who observing my arrival 
 in that damned Morning Post, cam,e to pay their 
 respects ; and before the day was over, I was invi- 
 ted and re-invited by a dozen people. I found that 
 I could not retreat, and I went away with the 
 stream, as I did before at Gibraltar and Portsmouth. 
 For three weeks 1 was everywhere : and if I found 
 it agreeable at Portsmouth, how much more so in 
 London ! But I was not happy, Mr. Simple, because
 
 I'ETKR SIMlT.i:. 123 
 
 I was a cheat, every momriit cxpocting^ to l)c fcund 
 out. But it really was a nice thing to be a lord. 
 
 ''.\t la^t the play was over. I had hocn enticed 
 by some young men into a gambling-hf)use, wliere 
 they intended to Heece me ; but, for the first night, 
 they allowed me to win, I think, about 3(X)/. 1 was 
 quite delighted with my success, and had agreed to 
 meet them the next evening ; but when 1 was at 
 breakfast, with my legs crossed, reading tl>e Morn- 
 ing Post, who should corns to see me but my guar- 
 dian uncle. He knew his nephew's features too 
 well to be deceived ; and my not recognising him 
 proved at once that 1 was an impostor. You must 
 allow me to hasten over the scene which took place 
 — the wralli of tlu; uncle, tlic confusion in the hotel, 
 the abuse of the waiters, the police olRcer, and 
 being dragged into a hackney-coach to Bow-street. 
 There I was examined and confessed all. The 
 uncle was so glad to find that his nephew was really 
 dead, that he felt no resentment towards me ; and 
 as, after all, I had only assumed a name, but had 
 chented nobody, except the lindlord at Portsmouth, 
 1 was sent on board the tender off the Tower, to 
 be drafted into a man-of-war. .\s for my ;K)Oi., my 
 clothes, etc. I never heard anymore of them; they 
 were seized, I presume, by the landlord of the hotel 
 for my bill, and very handsomely he must have paid 
 himself I had two rings on my lingers, and a 
 watch in my pocket, when I wa.s sent on board the 
 tender, and I stowed them away very carefully. I 
 had also a few pounds in my purse. I was sent 
 round to Plymoudi, where I was drafted into a 
 frigate. After 1 had been there some time, I turn- 
 ed the watch ami rings into money, and bought 
 myself a go<Kl kit of clothes; for I could not bear 
 to be dirty. 1 was put into tlie mizen-top, and no 
 one knew that I hiul been a lord." 
 
 "You found some dirterencc, I should Uiink, in 
 your situation ?"'
 
 124 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " Yes, I did, Mr. Simple 5 but I was much happi- 
 er. I could not forget the ladies, and the dinners, 
 and the opera, and all the delights of London, be- 
 sides the respect paid to my title, and I often sigh- 
 ed for them 5 but the police-officer and Bow-street 
 also came to my recollection, and I shuddered at 
 the remembrance. It had, however, one good ef- 
 fect} I determined to be an officer if I could, and 
 learnt my duty, and worked my way up to quarter- 
 master, and thence to boatswain — and I know my 
 duty, Mr. Simple. But Fve been punished for my 
 folly ever since. I formed ideas above my station 
 in life, and cannot help longing to be a gentleman. 
 It's a bad thing for a man to have ideas above his 
 station." 
 
 "You certainly must find some difference between 
 the company in London and that of the warrant of- 
 ficers." 
 
 ''It's many years back now, sir} but I can't get 
 over the feeling. I can't 'sociate with them at all. 
 A man may have the feelings of a gentleman, al- 
 though in an humble capacity; but how can I be 
 intimate with such people as Mr. Dispart or Mr. 
 Muddle, the carpenter ? Allven.' well in their way, 
 Mr. Simple, but what can you expect from officers 
 who boil their 'tators in a cabbage-net hanging in 
 the ship's coppers, when they know that there is 
 one third of a stove allowed them to cook their vic- 
 taals on.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 115 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 I go oa terrlce and am made | haoiirr by an old lady, wlm, not able U> 
 obtain my band, takes part of my fingrr a* a token— O'BrirL rcKues 
 me — a lee ■< ire and narrow escape. 
 
 Two or three days after this conversation with 
 Mr. Chucks, the captain ran the frigate in shore, 
 and when within five miles wc discovered two ves- 
 sels under the land. We made all sail in chase, aiid 
 cut them off from escaping round a sandy point 
 which they attempted to weather. Finding that 
 they could not effect their purpose, they ran on 
 shore under a small battery of two guns, which com- 
 menced firing upon us. The first shot wiiich whiz- 
 zed between ll.e masts had to me a most terrific 
 60und, but llic officers and men laughed at it, so of 
 course I pretended to do the same, but in reality I 
 could see n<ilhiug to laugh at. The captain order- 
 ed the starboard watch to be piped to quarters, and 
 the boats to be cleared, ready to be hoisted out: 
 we then anchored within a mile of the battery and 
 returned the fire. Jn the mean time, tlie r<-m:iiiider 
 of the ship's company hoisted out and lowered down 
 four boats, which were maimed ai.d armed to storm 
 the battery. 1 was vt-ry anxious to go on service, 
 and O'Brien, who had command of tlie firsit cutter, 
 allowed me to go with him, on condition that 1 
 stowed myself away under the foresheels, that the 
 captain mieht not see me l>el't»re the boats had shov- 
 ed off. This I did, and was not discovered. W'v 
 pulled in abreast towards the battery, ami in less 
 than ten minutes the boats were run <in the beach, 
 and we jumped out. The Frenchmen fired a giiu 
 at us as we pulled close to the shore, and then ran 
 away, so that we took jKJSsession without any fight- 
 ing, whirh, to confess the truth. 1 was not sorry ft>r, 
 aa I did not think that I was old or strong enough 
 to cope hand to hand with a grown up iii:mi. There
 
 120 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 were a fow fishermen's huts close to the battery, 
 and while t'vo of the boats went on board of the ves- 
 sels, to see if they could be got off, and others were 
 spiking the guns and destroying the carriages, I 
 went with O'Brien to examine them ; they were de- 
 serted by the people, as might have been supposed, 
 but there was a great quantity of fish in tliem, ap- 
 parently caught that morning. O'Brien pointed to 
 a very large skate — '' Murder in Irish !" cried ho. 
 " it's the verj- ghost of ray grandmother 3 we'll have 
 her if it's only for the family likeness. Peter, put 
 your finger into the gills, and drag her down to the 
 boat." I could not force my finger into the gills, 
 and as the animal appeared quite dead, I hooked my 
 finger into its mouth : but I made a sad mistake, for 
 the animal was alive, and immediately closed its 
 jaws, nipping my finger to the bone, and holding it 
 so tight that I could not withdraw it, and the pain 
 was too great to allow me to pull it away by main 
 force, and tear my finger, which it held so fast. 
 There I was, caught in a trap, and made a prisoner 
 by aflat-fish. Fortunately, I hallooed loud enough 
 to make O'Brien, who was closedown to the boats, 
 with a large cod-fish under each arm, turn round 
 and come to my assistance. At first he could not 
 help me from laughing so much, but at last he forc- 
 ed open the jaw of the fish with his cutlass, and 1 
 got my finger out. but very badly torn indeed. I 
 then took off my garter, tied it round the tail of the 
 skate, and dragged it to the boat, which was all rea- 
 dy to shove off. The other boats had found it im- 
 possible to get the vessels off without unloading — 
 so, in pursuance of the captain's orders, they were 
 set on fire, and before we lost sight of them, had 
 burnt down to the water's edge. My finger was ve- 
 ry bad for three weeks, and the officers laughed at 
 ine very much, saying that I narrowly escaped be- 
 ing made a prisoner of by an '-old maid." 
 
 We continued our cruise alons the coast, until
 
 PETER SIMPLE. Ii7 
 
 we had run down into the Bay of Arcason, where 
 we captured two or three vessels and obliged many 
 more to run onshore. And here we had an instance 
 showing how very important it is that a captain of a 
 man-of-war should be a good sailor, and have his 
 ship in such disipline as to be strictly obeyed by his 
 sliip's company. I heard the officers unanimously 
 assert, after tne danger was over, that nothing but 
 the presence of mind which was shown by Captain 
 Savage could have saved the ship and her crew. 
 We had chased a convoy of vessels to the bottom 
 of the bav : the wind was very fresh when we haul- 
 ed oft', after running them on sliore, and the surf on 
 the beach even at that time was so great, that they 
 wore certain to go to pieces before they could be 
 got afloat again. We were obliged to doublc-recf 
 the topsails as soon as we hauled to the wind, and 
 the weather looked very threatening. In an hour 
 afterwards, the whole sky was covered with one 
 black cloud, which sank so low, as nearly to touch 
 our mast-heads, and a tremendous sea, 'which ap- 
 peared to have risen up almost by magic, rolled m 
 upon us, setting the vessel on a dead lee shore. ,\s 
 the night closed in, it blew a dreadful gale, and t!:e 
 ship was nearly buried with tlie press of canvass 
 wli'cli she was obliged to carry ; for had we sea 
 room, wc should have been lying-to under storm 
 staysails ; but wc were forced to carry on at all risks, 
 that we might claw oft" shore. The seas broke over 
 as we lay in the trough, delugmg us with water from 
 the forecastle, aft, to the binnacles ; and very often 
 as the ship descende<i with a plunge, it was with 
 such force that 1 really thought she would divido 
 in half with the violence of the shock. Double 
 breechingH were rove on the guns, and they were 
 further secured with tackles, and strong cleats nail- 
 ed behind the trunnions, for we hoc led over so much 
 when we lurrliod. that the guns were wholly sup- 
 ported by the breerhiiigs ann tackles, and l:ad ono
 
 128 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 of them broken loose, it must have burst right 
 through the lee side of the ship, and she must have 
 foundered. The captain, first lieutenant, and most 
 of the officers, remained on deck during the whole 
 of the night; and really, what with the howling of 
 the wind, the violence of the rain, the washing of 
 the water about the decks, the working of the chain 
 pumps, and the creaking and groaning of the tim- 
 bers, I thought that we must inevitably have been 
 lost; and I said my prayers at least a dozen times 
 during the night, for I felt it impossible to go to 
 bed. I had often wished, out of curiosity, that I 
 might be in a gale of wind, but I little thought it 
 was to have been a scene of this description, or any 
 thing half so dreadful. What made it more appal- 
 ling was, that we were on a lee shore, and the 
 consultations of the captain and officers, and the ea- 
 gerness with which they looked out for daylight, told 
 us that we had other dangers to encounter besides 
 the storm. At last the morning broke, and the look- 
 out man upon the gangway called out, " Land on the 
 lee beam." I perceived the master dash his fist 
 against the hammock rails, as if with vexation, and 
 walk away without saying a w'ord, and looking very 
 grave.. 
 
 " Up, there, Mr. Wilson," said the captain, to the 
 second lieutenant, " and see how far the land trends 
 forward, and whether you can distinguish the point." 
 The second lieutenant went up the main-rigging, 
 and pointed with his hand to about two points be- 
 fore the beam. 
 
 ''Do you see two hillocks inland ?" 
 
 "Yes, sir," replied the second lieutenant. 
 
 ■Then it is so," observed the captain to the mas- 
 ter, '-'and if we weather it, we shall have more sea 
 room. Keep her full, and let her go through the 
 water ; do you hear, quarter-master ?" 
 
 " Ay, ay, sir." 
 
 '•Thus, and no nearer, mv man. Ease her witli
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 129 
 
 a ipoke or two when she sends ; but be careful, or 
 she'll take the wheel out of your hands." 
 
 It really was a very awful sight. When the ship 
 was in the trough of the sea, you could distinguisn 
 nothing but a waste of tumultuous water ; but w hen 
 she was borne up on the summit of the enormous 
 wavep, you then looked down, as it were, upon a 
 low, sandy coast, close to you, and covered with 
 foam and breakers. " She behaves nobly," observ- 
 ed the ca{)tain, stepping aft to the binnacle, and 
 looking at the compass ; '• if the wind does not baffle 
 us, we shall weather." The captain had scarcely 
 time to make the observation, when the sails shiv- 
 ered and flapped like thunder. " Up with the helm: 
 what are you about, quarter-msister 1" 
 
 '' The wind has headed us, sir," replied the quar- 
 ter-master, coolly. 
 
 The captain and master remained at the binnacle 
 watching the compass, and when the sails were 
 again full, she had broken off two points, and the 
 point of land was only a little on the lee bow. 
 
 " We must wear her round, Mr. Falcon. Hands, 
 wear ship — ready, oh, ready." 
 
 " She has come up again," cried the master, who 
 was at the binnacle. 
 
 " Hold fast there a minute. How's her head 
 now ?" 
 
 •' N. N. E., as she was before she broke off, sir." 
 
 " Pipe belay," said the captain. " Falcon," con- 
 tinued hr, '' if she breaks oft again we may have no 
 room to wear ; indeed there is so little room now, 
 that I must run the risk. Which cable was ranged 
 last night — tlie best bower V 
 
 *' Yea, sir." 
 
 " Jump down, then, and see it double billed and 
 stoppered at thirty faliioms. See it well done — our 
 lives may dejjcnd uj>on il." 
 
 Tlie ship continued to hold her courtic good ; and 
 we were within half a mile of tlic point, and fully 
 
 TOL. I. y
 
 130 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 expected to weather it, when again the wet and 
 heavy sails flapped in the wind, and the ship broke 
 off two points as before. The officers and seamen 
 were aghast, for the ship's head was right on to the 
 breakers. •' Lutf, now, all you can, quarter-ma.ster," 
 cried the captain. •' Seiid the men vd't directly. My 
 lads, there is no time for words — I nm going to club- 
 haul the ship, for there is no room to wear. The 
 only chance you have of safety, is to be cool, watch 
 my eye, and execute my oiders with precision. A- 
 way to your stations for tacking ship. HaiTds by 
 the best bower anchor. Mr. Wilson attend below 
 with the carpenter and his mates, ready to cut away 
 the cable at the moment that I give the order. Si- 
 lence there, fore and aft. Quarter-master, keepher 
 full again for stays. Mind you ease the hslm down 
 when I tell you!" About a minute passed before 
 the captain gave any further orders. The ship had 
 closed-to within a quarter of a mile of the beach 
 and tl.e waves curled and topped around us, bearing 
 us down upon the shore, which presented one con- 
 tinued surface of foam, extending to within half a 
 cable's length of our position, at which distance 
 the enormous waves culminated and fell with the 
 report of thunder. The captain waved his hand 
 in silence to the quarter-master at the wheel, and 
 the helm was put down. The ship turned slowly 
 to the wind, pitching and chopping as the sails were 
 spilling. When she had lost her way. the captain 
 gave the order. '■ Let go the anchor. We will haul 
 all at once, Mr. Falcon," said the captain. iS^ot a 
 word was spoken, the men went to the forebracc, 
 which had not been manned ; most of them knew, 
 although I did not, that if the ship's head did not 
 go round the other way, we should be on shore.. 
 and among the breakers, in half a minute. I thought 
 at the time that the captain had said that he would 
 haul all the yard.; at once, there appeared to be 
 doubt or dissent on the countenance of Mr. Fal-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 131 
 
 con -, and I was afterwards told that he had not 
 an^reed with the raptain, but he was too good an 
 officer, mid knew that there was no time for dis- 
 cussion, to make any remark ; and the event proved 
 that the captain was right. At last the ehip was 
 head to wind, and the captain gave the signal. The 
 yards Hew round with such a creaking noise, that I 
 thought the mast had gone over the side, and the 
 next moment the wind had caught the sails, and 
 the ship, which for a moment or two had been oh 
 an even keel, careened over to her gunnel with its 
 force, 'i'he cnptain, who stood upon the weather 
 hammock rails, holding by the main-rigging, order- 
 ed the helm a-midships, looked full at tne sails, 
 and then at the cable, which grew broad upon the 
 weatiier bow, and held the ship from nearmg the 
 shore. At last he cried, " Cut away the cable." 
 A few strokes of the axes were heard, and then 
 the cable llew out of the hawse-hole in a blare of 
 fire, from the violence of the friction, and disap- 
 peared under a liuyo wave, which struck us on the 
 chess-trcc, and delu^jod us with water fore and aft. 
 But wc were now on the other tack, and the ship 
 regained her way, and we had evidently increased 
 our distan'-e from the land. 
 
 "My lads," said tlie captain to the shin's compa- 
 ny, *' you have b<;haved well, and I thanlc you ; but 
 I must tell you honestly, that we have more difli- 
 (;u;,.i(s In L'ct throuch. We have to weather a 
 point of the bay on this tack. Mr. I'alcon, splice 
 the main brace, and call the watch. How's her head, 
 quarter-maj;ter /" 
 
 '• S. W. by S. Southerly, sir." 
 
 " Wary well ; let her g(» tlirnugh the water ;'' and 
 the caittaiii beckoning lo the master to follow him, 
 went df)Wii into the cabin. As our imnictliate dan- 
 ger w;us over. I went down into the berth to see if 
 I could get any tliiu'j for breakfast, whirr I found 
 O'Brien and two or llir< c more.
 
 138 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " By the powers, it was as nate -i thing as ever I 
 saw done," observed O'Brien ; •• the slightest mis- 
 take as to time and management, and at this mo- 
 ment the flatfish would have been dubbing at our 
 ugly carcasses. Peter, you are not fond of flatfish, 
 are you, my boy 1 We may thank Heaven and the 
 captain, I can tell you that, ray lads 5 but now, 
 Where's the chart, Robinson ? Hand me down the 
 parrallel rules and compasses, Peter — tliey are in 
 the corner of the shelf. Here we arc now, a de- 
 vilish sight too near this infernal point. Who knows 
 how her head is V 
 
 " I do, O'Brien ; I heard the quarter-master tell 
 the captain, S. W. by S. Southerly." 
 
 " Let me see," continued O'Brien, " variation 
 2 1-4— lee way — rather too large an alloNvance of 
 that, I'm afraid 5 but, however, we'll give her 2 1-2 
 points ; the Diomede would blush to make any 
 more, under any circumstances. Here — the com- 
 pass — now, we'll see ;'' and O'Brien advanced the 
 parrallel rule from the compass to the spot where 
 the ship was placed on the chart. " Bother I you 
 see it's as much as she'll do to weather the other 
 point now on this tack, and that's what the captain 
 meant, when he told us we had more difficulty. 1 
 could have taken my Bible oath that we were clear 
 of every thing, if the wind held.'' 
 
 '• See what the distance is, O'Brien," said Rob- 
 inson. It was measured, and proved to be thirteen 
 miles. '• Only thirteen miles 3 and if we do weather, 
 we shall do very well, for the bay is deep beyond. 
 It's a rocky point, you see, just by way of variety. 
 Well, my lads, I've a piece of comfort for you, any 
 how. It's not long that you'll be kept in suspense, 
 for by one o'clock this day, you'll either be congrat- 
 ulating each other upon your good luck, or you'll be 
 past praying for. Come, put up the chart, for I hate 
 to look at melancholy orospects ; and, steward, see 
 what vou can find in the wav of comfort." Some
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 13S 
 
 bread and cheese, with tlie reinainy of yesterday't 
 boiled pork, were put on the table, with u bottle of 
 rum, procured at the time " they spliced tiie main- 
 brace ;" but we were all too anxious to eat uiuch, 
 and one by one returned on deck, to see how the 
 weather was. and if the wind at all favored us. On 
 deck the superior officers were in conversation with 
 the captain, who had expressed the same fear that 
 O'Brien had in our berth. The men, who knew 
 what they had to expect — for this sort of intelli- 
 gence is soon communicated through a ship — were 
 aiisembled in knots, looking very grave, but at the 
 same time not wanting in confidence. They knew 
 that they could trust to the captain, as far as skill 
 or courage could avail them, and sailors are too 
 sanguine to despair, even at the last moment. As 
 for myself, I felt such admiration for the captain, 
 after what 1 had witnessed that morning, that when- 
 ever the idea came over me, that in all probability 
 I should be lost iu a few hours, I could not help 
 acknowledging how much more serious it was that 
 such a man should be lost to his country. 1 do not 
 intend to say that it consoled me : but it certainly 
 made me still more regret the chances with which 
 we were threatened. 
 
 Before twelve o'clock, the rocky point which we 
 eo much dreaded was in sight, broad on the lee- 
 bow ; and if the low. sandy coast appeared terrible, 
 how much more did this, even at a distance : the 
 black masses of rock, covered with foam, which 
 each minute dashed up in the air higher than our 
 lower mast heads. 'i"ho captain eyed it for some 
 minutes in silence, as if in calculation. 
 
 ''Mr. Falcon,'' said he at last, " we must put the 
 mainsail on her." 
 
 " She never can bear it, sir." 
 
 *' She niuxt bear it," was the reply. " Send the 
 men aft to the mninsheet. See that careful men 
 attend the buntlinef."'
 
 lU PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 The mainsail «as set, and the efiect of it updtl 
 the ship was tremendous. She careened over so 
 iix-.t Jier lee channels v.ere under tlie water, and 
 when pressed by a sea. the lee side of the quarter- 
 deck and gangway were afloat. She now yemindeci 
 me of a ijoaded and fiery horse, mad with the stim- 
 ulus applied ; not rising as before, but forcing her- 
 self through whole seas, and dividing the waves, 
 which poured in one continual torrent from the 
 forecastle down upon the decks below. Four men 
 were secured to the wheel — the sailors were obliged 
 to cling, to prevent being washed away — the ropes 
 were thrown in confusion to leeward — the shot roll- 
 ed out of the lockers, and every eye was fixed aloft, 
 watching the masts, which w-ere expected every 
 moment to go over the side. A heavy sea struck 
 us on the broadside, and it was some moments be- 
 fore the ship appeared to recover herself ; she reel- 
 ed, trembled, and stopped her way. as if it had stu- 
 pified her. The first lieutenant looked at the cap- 
 tain, as if to say, "This will not do." •' It is our 
 only chance,'" answered the captain to the appeal. 
 That the ship went faster through the water, and 
 held a better wind, v.as certain ; but just before we 
 arrived at the point, the gale increased in force. 
 '• If any thing starts, we are lost, sir,'" observed the 
 first lieutenant acrain. 
 
 '• I am perfectly aware of it." replied the captain, 
 in a calm tone ; " but as I said before, ai>d you 
 must now be aware, it is our only chance. The 
 consequence of any carelessness or neglect in the 
 fitting and securing of tlie rigging, will be felt now ; 
 and this danger, if we escape it, ought to remind is 
 how much we have to answer for, if we neglect 
 our dLty. The lives of a whole ship's company 
 may be sacrificed by the neglect or incompetence 
 of an officer when in harbor. I will pay you the 
 complimont. Falcon, to say, th.at 1 feel convinced 
 that the masts of this siiip are as secure as knowl- 
 edge and attention can make them."
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 136 
 
 The first lieutenant thaiiketl the captain for his 
 good opinion, and hoped it would not be the last 
 compliment which he i)aid liim. 
 
 '* 1 hope not too : but a few minutes will decide 
 the point."' The bhip was now within two cables' 
 length of the rocky point ; some few of the men I 
 observed to clasp tlieir hands, but most of tliem 
 were silently taking off their jackets, and kicking 
 their shoes, that they mi<^ht not losea chance off 
 of escape i)rovided llie ship struck. 
 
 '' 'Twill be touch and go indeed, Falcon,*' obser- 
 ved t!;e captain, (for 1 had clung to Uie belaying 
 pins, close to them, fur the hist half-hour tJiat the 
 mainsail had been set.) ••Come aft,you and I must 
 take the helm. We shall wajil net-ve there, and only 
 there, now." 
 
 The ca|)tain and first lieutenant went afl, and 
 took the fore spokes of the wheel, and O'Brien, at 
 a sign made by the captain, laid hold of li.e spokes 
 behind him. An old quarter-master kept his sta- 
 tion at the fourth. The roaring of the seas on the 
 rocks, witli the howling of tlie wind, were dread- 
 ful ; but tlie si!,'ht was more dreadful tlian tlie noise. 
 P'or a few moments I shut my eyes, but anxiety 
 forced ine to open tliem again. As near as 1 could 
 judge, we were not twenty yards from the rocks, 
 at the time that the ship j.assed abreast of them. 
 We were in the niid.t of the foam, which boiled 
 around us; and, as the shii) was driven nearer to 
 them, and careened with the wave, I thou^'ht that 
 our yard-arm would have touched llu; rork ; and at 
 this moment a gust of wind came on, whirli laid 
 the ship on her beam-ends, and checked lier pro- 
 gress through t!ie water, while the accumulated 
 noise was deafcninij. A few moments more the 
 ■hip dragjjfed on, another wave dashed over hcj- and 
 upent itself upon the rocks, v.hile the s|)ray was 
 dashed back from them, and returned upon the 
 decks. Tl'.e main rock was within ten yards of hor
 
 136 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 counter, when another gust of wind laid us on our 
 beam-ends, the foresail and mainsail split, and were 
 blown clean out of the bolt ropes — the ship righted, 
 trembling fore and aft. I looked astern:— the rocks 
 were to windward on our quarter, and were safe. 1 
 thought at the time, that the ship relieved of her 
 courses, and again lifting over the waves, was not a 
 bad similitude of the relief felt by us all at that mo- 
 ment ; and, like her, we trembled as we panted 
 with the sudden reaction, and felt the removal of 
 the intense anxiety which oppressed our breasts. 
 
 The captain resigned the helm, and walked aft 
 to look at the point, which was now broad on the 
 weather quarter. In a minute or two, he desired 
 Mr. Falcon to get new sails up and bend them, and 
 then went below to his cabin. I an^ sure it was to 
 thank God for our deliverance ; I did. most fervent- 
 ly, not only then, but when I went to my hammock 
 at niirht. We were now comparatively safe — in a 
 few hours completely so ; for strange to say, im- 
 mediately after we had weathered the rocks, the 
 gale abated, and before morning we had a reef out 
 of the topsails. It was my forenoon watch, and 
 perceiving Mr. Chucks on the forecastle, I went 
 forward to him, and asked him what he thought of 
 it. 
 
 " Thought of it, sir!" replied he, " why I always 
 think bad of it, when the elements won't allow my 
 whistle to be heard : and I consider it hardly fair 
 play. I never care if we are left to our own exer- 
 tions; but how is it possible for a ship's company 
 to do their best, when they cannot hear the boat- 
 swain's pipe ? However, God be thanked, neverthe- 
 less, and make better Christians of us all As for 
 that carpenter, he is mad; just before we weather- 
 ed the point, he told me that it was just the same 
 27,600 and odd years ago. I do believe that on his 
 death-bed, (and he was not far from a very hard 
 •ne yesterday ) that he will tell us how he died 80
 
 FETKR SIMPLE. 137 
 
 many thousand years ago, of the same complaint. 
 And that gunner of ours is a fool. Would you be- 
 lieve it, >ir. Simple, he went cryin": about tlie decks, 
 ' O my poor guns, what will become of ihem, if 
 they break loose I' He appeared to consider it of 
 no conj-equencc if the ship and ship's company 
 were all lost, provided that his guns were safely 
 landed on the beach. ' Mr. Dispart,' said 1, at last, 
 ' allow me to observe, in the most delicate way in 
 the world, that you're a d— d old fool.' You see, 
 Mr. Simple, it's'the duty of an officer to generalize, 
 and be attentive to parts, only in consideration of 
 the safety ot] the whole. I look after my anchors 
 and cables, as I do after the rigging ; not that I care 
 for them in particular, but because the safety of a 
 ship depends upon her being well found. I might 
 just as well cry because we sacrificed an anchor 
 and cable vesterday morning, to save the ship from 
 goinir on shore." 
 
 " Very true, Mr. Chucks." relied I. 
 
 " Private feelings," continued he, " must always 
 be sacrificed for the public service. As you know, 
 the lower deck was full of water, and all our cabins 
 and chests were afloat ; but I did not think then 
 about my sliirLs, and look at them now. all blowing 
 out in the fororigginir. without a particle of starch 
 left in the collars of tfie frills. I shall not be able 
 to appear as an officer ought to do for the whole 
 of the cruise." 
 
 A.S he said this, the cooper, going forward, passed 
 by him, and jostled him in passing. " Beg pardon, 
 sir," said the man, " but the ship lurched.'' 
 
 " The ship lurched, did it ?" replied the boatswain, 
 who, I am afraid, was not in the l)est of humors 
 about his wardrol>o. '• .And pray, Mr. Cooper, why 
 has heaven granted you two legs, with joints at 
 the knees, except to enable you to counteract the 
 horizontal deviation ? Do you suppose that thev 
 were meant for nothing but to worx round a cask
 
 138 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 with ? Hark, sir. did you take me for a post to 
 scrub vour pig's hide against ? Allow me just to 
 observe, Mr. Cooper, just to insinuate, that when 
 you pass an officer, it is your duty to keep at a re- 
 spectable distance, and not to soil his clothes with 
 your rustv iron jacket. Do you comprehend me. 
 sir J or w"ill this make you recollect it in future ?" 
 The ratan was raised, and descended in a shower 
 of blows, until the cooper made his escape into the 
 head. '• There, take that, you contaminating, stave- 
 dubbing, gimlet-carrying, quintescence of a bung- 
 hole ! I beg your pardon, Mr. Simple, for interrupt- 
 ing the conversation, but when duty calls, we must 
 obey." 
 
 "Verj- true, Mr. Chucks. It's now striking seven 
 bells, and I must call the master — so good-by.'' 
 
 CIL\PTER XVI. 
 
 News from borne— A fatipic party employed at Gibraltar — More partic- 
 ulars ill the life of iMr Cliucks — Abrusli with Uie enemy— A court mar- 
 tial and a lasting impression. 
 
 A FEW days afterwards, a cutter joined us from 
 Plymouth, with orders for the frigate to proceed 
 forthwith to Gibraltar, where we should learn our 
 destination. We were all very glad of this ; for we 
 had had quite enough of cruising in the Bay of Bis- 
 cay ; and, as we understood that we were to be sta- 
 tioned in the Mediterranean, we hoped to exchange 
 gales of wind and severe weather, for fine breezes 
 and a bright sky. The cutter brought out our let- 
 ters and newspapers. I never felt more happy than 
 I did when 1 found one put into my hands. It is 
 necessary to be far from home and friends, to feel 
 the real "delight of receiving a letter. I went down
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 139 
 
 into the most solitary place in the steerage, that f 
 might enjoy it rvitliout interruption. I cried with 
 pleasure before I opened it, but I cried a great deal 
 more with grief, after I had read the contents — for 
 my eldest brother Tom was dead of a typhus fever. 
 Poor Tom ! when I called to mind what tricks he 
 used to play me — how he used to borrow my money 
 and never pay me — and how he used to thrash me 
 and make me obey him, because he was my elder 
 brother — I shed a torrent of tears at his los.s ; and 
 then T reflected how miserable my poor mother 
 must be, and 1 cried still more. 
 
 " What's the matter, spooney ?" said O'Brien, 
 coming up to me. " Who has been licking you 
 now 1" 
 
 " O nobody," replied I ; " but my eldest brother 
 Tom is dead, and I have uo other." 
 
 " Well, Peter, I dare say that your brother was a 
 very go<Kl brother ; but I'll tell you a secret. When 
 you've lived long enough to have a beard to scrape 
 at, you'll know better than to make a fuss about an 
 elder brother. But you're a good innocent boy 
 just now, so I won't thrash you for it. Come, dry 
 vour eyes, Peter, and never mind it. We'll drink 
 his health and long life to him, after supper, and 
 then never think any more al)out it." 
 
 I wajj very melancholy for a few davs ; but it was 
 so delightlul runnin^r down the I'ortuguese and 
 Spanish co;ists, the weather was so warm, and the 
 sea 80 smooth, that I am afraid I forgot my brotli- 
 er's death sooner than I ought to have done ; but 
 ray spirits were cheered up, and the novelty of the 
 Hccne prevented me from thinking. Every one, 
 too, was so gay and happy, that I could not well bo 
 otherwise. In a fortnight, we anchored in (Jibral- 
 tar Bay. and tlio ship was slripptMl to r«rfil. There 
 wa« so much duty to be dnnr». that I di<i not like to 
 ask to go on shore. Indeed, Mr. Falcon had refused 
 some of my messmates, and I thought it liettcr not
 
 140 PF.TER SIMPLE. 
 
 to ask, although 1 was anxious to see a place which 
 was considered so extraordinary. One afternoon, I 
 was looking over the gangway as the people were 
 at supper, and Mr. Falcon came up to me and said, 
 " Well, Mr. Simple, what are you thinking of?" I 
 replied, touching my hat, that I was wondering how 
 they had cut out the solid rock into galleries, and 
 that they must be very curious. 
 
 '• That 13 to say, that you are very curious to see 
 them. Well, then, since you have been very at- 
 tentive to your duty, and have not asked to go on 
 shore, I will give you leave to go to-morrow morn- 
 ing, and stay tiU gun-fire." 
 
 I was very much pleased at this, as the officers 
 had a general invitation to dine with the mess, and 
 all who could obtain leave being requested to come, 
 I was enabled to join the party. The first lieuten- 
 ant had excused himself on the plea of there being 
 BO much to attend to on board ; but most of the 
 gun-room officers and some of the midshipmen ob- 
 tained leave. We walked about the town and for- 
 tifications until dinner-time, and then we proceeded 
 to the barracks. The dinner was very good, and we 
 <vere all very merry, but after the dessert had been 
 brought in, I slipped away with a young ensign, who 
 took me all over the galleries and explained every 
 thing to me, which was a much better way of em- 
 ploying my time than doing as the others did, which 
 the reader will acknowledge. I was at the sally- 
 port before gun-fire — the boat was there, but no of- 
 ficers made their appearance. The gun fired, the 
 drawbridge was hauled up, and I was afraid that I 
 should be blamed 5 but the boat was not ordered to 
 shove off, ae it was waiting for commissioned offi- 
 cers. About an hour afterwards, when it was quite 
 dark, the sentry pointed his arms, and challenged a 
 person advancing with '' Who comes there ?"' — 
 *' Naval officer, drunk on a wheelbarrow,'" was the 
 reply, in a loud singing voice. TJpon which the
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 141 
 
 ■entry rccoTered his arms, singinjr in return," Pass, 
 naval officer, drunk on a wheelbarrow — and alls 
 well I'' and then appeared a soldier in his fatigue 
 dress, wheeling down the third lieutenant in a 
 wheelbarrow, so tipsy that he could not stand or 
 speik. Then the sentry challenged again, and the 
 answer was " Another naval officer, drunk on a 
 wheelbarrow ;" upon which the sentry replied as 
 helore, "Pass another naval officer, drunk on a 
 wlifolbarrow — and all's well." This was my friend 
 O'Brien, almost as bad as the third lieutenant ; and 
 so they continued for ten minutes, challenging and 
 passing, until they wheeled down the remainder of 
 the party, with the exception of the second lieu- 
 tenant, who walked arm inarm with the officer who 
 brought down the order for lowering the draw- 
 bridge. 1 was much shocked, for I considered it 
 very disgraceful ; but I afterwards was told, which 
 certainly admitted of some excuse, that the mess 
 were notorious for never permitting any of their 
 guests to leave the table sober. They were all 
 safelv put into the boat, and 1 am glad to say the 
 first lieutenant was in Iwd and did not see them j 
 but I could not help acknowledgin;,' the truth of an 
 observation made bv one of the men, as the officers 
 were handed into the boat, "I say. Bill, if them 
 were we, what a precious twisting we should get 
 to-morrow at six-bells !"' 
 
 The ship remained in Gibraltar bay about three 
 weeks, during which time we had refitted the rig- 
 ging fore and aft, re-stowed and cleaned the hold, 
 and jtainted outside. She never hmked more beau- 
 tiful than she did, when, in obedience to our orders, 
 we made sail to join the admiral. We past Enropa 
 Point with a fair winil, and at sunset were sixty 
 miles from the rock, yet it was distin'tly to he seen, 
 like a blue cloud, but the outline i>erfectly correct. 
 I mention this, as perhaps my reader would not have 
 believed that it was possible to sec land at such a
 
 142 PETER SLMPLE. 
 
 distance. We steered for Cape de Gatte, and we 
 were the next day close in shore. I was very much 
 deliglited with the Spanish coast, mountain upon 
 mountain, hill upon hill, covered with vines nearly 
 to their summits. We might have gone on siiore 
 at some places, for at that time we were friendly 
 with the Spaniards, but the captain was in too great 
 a hurr}' to join the admiral. We had very light 
 winds, and a day or two afterwards we v. ere off 
 Valencia, nearly becalmed. I w as on the gangway, 
 looking through a telescope at the houses and gar- 
 dens round the city, when Mr. Chucks, the boat- 
 swain, came up to me. " Mr. Simple, oblige me 
 W'ith that glass a moment ; I wish to see if a build- 
 ing remains there, which I have some reason to re- 
 member.'*' 
 
 •' What, were you ever on shore there ?"' 
 
 '' Yes I was, IVIr. Simple, and nearly stranded, 
 but I got off without much damage." 
 
 '■' How do you mean — were you wrecked there ?'' 
 
 "Not my ship, Mr. Simple, but my peace of 
 mind was for some time ; but it's many years ago, 
 Avhen I was first made boatswain of a corvette; 
 (during this conversation he was looking through 
 the telescope ;) yes, there it is,"' said he, " I have 
 it in the field. Look, Mr. Simple, do you see a 
 small church, with a spire of glazed tiles, shining 
 like a needle ?"' 
 
 '■ Yes I do.'" 
 
 " Well, then, just above it, a little to the right, 
 there is a long white house, with four small win- 
 dows — below the grove of orange trees." 
 
 '' I see it," replied 1 ; " but what about that house, 
 Mr. Chucks ?" 
 
 " Why, thereby hangs a tale," replied he, giving 
 a sigh, which raised and then lowered the frill of 
 his shirt, at least six inches. 
 
 " Why, what is the mystery, Mr. Chucks ?" 
 
 'Til "tell you. Mr. Siriiple. With one who lived
 
 PETER SIMPLE. J43 
 
 in that house, I was for the first, and for the last 
 time, in love." 
 
 " Indeed ! 1 should like very much to hear the 
 story."' 
 
 " So you shall, Mr. Simple, but I must beg that 
 you will not mention it 5 as young gentlemen are 
 apt to quiz , and I think that being quizzed hurts 
 my authority with the men. It is now about six- 
 teen years back — we were then on good terms with 
 the^ilgiards, as we are now. , I was then little 
 lirty years old, and had just received 
 as boatswain. I was considered a well 
 ig man at tliat time, aitliough lately I 
 ?rtain degree, got the better of that.' 
 tei<!pr you a remarkably good-lookiug 
 man now, Mr. Clnu ks." bT* . 
 
 "Thank you, Mr. ."simple ; but 'Hjjfjiing iuqirovcs 
 by age that 1 know of,.except rum. I used to dress 
 very smart, and ' cut the boatswain ' when I was on 
 shore ; and pt rliaps T liad not lost so much of the 
 polish I had picked up in good society. One even- 
 mg, I was walking in the Plaza, when 1 saw a fe- 
 male ahead, who appeared to be the prettiest mould- 
 ed little vessel that I ever cast my t'><y(j^ I fol- 
 lowed in her wake, and examined'her^^BH|a clean 
 run I never beheld — so neat, too. in all lHfe9%giiig 
 — everv thing so nicely stowed under hat^Bbl^Ana 
 then, slie sailed along in such a style, at^R; mo- 
 ment liOing so lightly, just like a frigate, with licr 
 topsails on the caj)s, that can't helji going along. 
 Ai another time, as she turned a corner sharp up in 
 the wind — wake as straight as an arrow — no leeway, 
 I made all sail to sheer alongside of her, and, when 
 under her quarter, examined her close, ^evcr^aw 
 such a fme swell in the counter, all fo trim — no 
 ropes towing overboard. Well, .NIr. Simple, I said 
 to mysrlf. • h — n it, if l-,er liiiriire-licad and bows be 
 finished olf by the same builder, slie's perfect.' So 
 I «).nt nli.-ul rui.I yawed a littlc--eaught a peep at
 
 114 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 her through her veil, and saw two black eyes— as 
 bright as beads, and as large as damsons. I saw- 
 quite enough, and not wishing to frighten her, I 
 dropped astern. Shortly afterwards she altered her 
 course, steering for that white house. Just as she 
 was abreast of it, and I playing about her weather 
 quarter, the priests came by in procession, taking 
 the host to somebody who was dying. JrJy little 
 frigate lowered her topgallant sails out of respect, 
 as other nations used to do, and ought now, ^id be 
 d — d to them, whenever they pass the flag -^L old 
 England "' ^ 
 
 '• How do you mean ?"' inquired I. 
 
 '•I mean that she spread her white handkerchief, 
 which fluttered in her hand as she went along, and 
 knelt dovs-n upon it on one knee. Wid the same, 
 because I was obliged to heaverjp, to keep my sta- 
 tion, and I thought that if sh^^w me. it would 
 p.ease her. When she got up. I was on my legs al- 
 so; but in my hurry, 1 had not chosen a verj' clean 
 place, and I found out, when I got up again, that my 
 white jean trousers were in a shocking mess. The 
 young lady turned round, and seeing my misfortune 
 laughed, awdthen went into the white house, while 
 I stood there like a fool, first looking at the dooi of 
 the hoole, and then at my trousers. Howevrr, I 
 thought that I might make it the means of being ac- 
 quainted with her, so I went to the door and knock- 
 ed. An old gentleman, in a large cloak, who was 
 her father, came out ; I pointed to my trousers, and 
 requested him in Spanish to allow me a little water 
 to clean them. The daughter then came from with- 
 in, and told her father how the accident had hap- 
 pened. The old gentleman was surprised that an 
 English officer was so good a Christian, and appear 
 ed to be pleased. He asked me verv- politely to 
 come in, and sent an old woman for some water. 1 
 observed that he was smoking a bit of paper, and 
 having very fortunc^tely about a couple of dozen of
 
 1 T.T"?. SirvIPLE. 14* 
 
 real Hnvannaha in my pocket, (for I never emoka 
 any thing else, Mr. Simple, it being my opinion that 
 nu geiulenian can,) I took tlieni out, and be^^ed his 
 acccptuiue of them. His eyes glistened at the 
 
 ^ si^lit of them, but he refused to take more tlian one; 
 
 , howcier, I iusisted upon his taking tlie whole bun- 
 GiC, tellin;^ him that I had plenty more on board, 
 reserving one for myself, that I might smoke it with 
 liim. He then requested me to sit down, and the 
 'jld woman brought some sour wine, which 1 declar- 
 c4 IMS Very good, altiiough it made me quite ill af- 
 tetfmrds. Ho iiuiuired of mc whetlier 1 was a good 
 C'lmslian. I replii-d that I was. I knew that he 
 meant a <"aUu^, for th.cy rail us l.eretics, ^Ir. Sim- 
 ple. TiiC (f^Hlter then came in \^ithout Ixr veil, 
 and slic was^rfe^uuj but I did not look at her, 
 or pay her any AJoHpn after the first salutation, I 
 was so afraid (f^^munu^ the old gentleman suspi- 
 ci(tU3. He ihenasKed vvii.it I wa.s — what sort of of- 
 ficer — was 1 captiin? I replied that I was not. 
 Was I 'leneulo, which means lieutenant ; I answer- 
 ed th;'.t 1 wa< not, agaio, but wiih an air of contempt, 
 as if 1 v.a.'" something bettor. VV'hat was 1 then ? I 
 did not know the Sp^niKJi for boatswain, and, to tell 
 iiiO trulli, I waj oshanted of niy condition. . 1 knew 
 tint liiorc was anoflicer in Spain called corregidor, 
 \vhich mean--; a corrector in Englitii, or uiio who 
 })U;ii»hcs. Mow I thought that (|uito near enough 
 fer my purjiyso. and I r« plied that I was the corre- 
 ;,'i(i(jr. JSow, Mr. Simple, a corregidor in Spain is a 
 p.,'r un of rank and coubociuenre, so lliey imagined 
 L-.t. 1 muot be tiio Kamn, and they appeared to be 
 j.lca.>f.d. The yomi^ lady tliun inquired if I was of 
 
 food f.iinilv— .whether 1 was a gentleman or not. 
 reyliod t'lut I hoped so. I rnnained with tliem 
 for half an hour more, when my sogar was finished ; 
 I then nisc, and thanking the oUl gentleman for hit 
 <;iY^l't'y> beggod thai 1 might be allowed to bring 
 Iii;n A ffcw more seyars, and took my leave. Tha 
 vol I 10
 
 146 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 daughter opened the street door, and I could not 
 refrain from taking her hand and kissing it -' 
 
 ''Where's Mr. Chucks ? call the boatswain lliere 
 forward," hallooed out the lieutenant. 
 
 '' Here I am, sir/' replied Mr. Chucks, hastening 
 aft, and leaving me and his story. 
 
 *' The captain of the maintop reports the breast 
 backstay much chafed in the serving. Go up and 
 examine it." said the first lieutenant. 
 
 '' Yes, sir," replied the boatswain, who immedi- 
 ately went up the rigging. 
 
 '•And, Mr. Simple, attend to the men scraping 
 the spots off the quarter-deck" 
 
 " Yes, sir," replied I, and thus our conversation 
 was broken up. 
 
 The weather changed that night, and we had a 
 succession of rain and baffling winds for six or seven 
 days, during which I had no opportunity of hearing 
 the remainder of the boatswain's history. We join- 
 ed the fleet off Toulon, closed the admiral's ship, 
 and the oaptain went on board to pay his respects 
 When he returned, we found out. through the tirst 
 lieutenant, that we were to remain with the fleet un- 
 til the arrival of another fri^-ate, expected in about a 
 fortnight, and then the admiral had promised t'uat 
 we should have a cruise. The second day after we 
 had joined, we were ordered to form part of the in- 
 shore squadron, consisting of two line-of-battle ships 
 and four frigates. The French fleet used to come 
 out and manoeuvre within range of their batteries, 
 or, if they proceeded further from the shore, they 
 took good care that they had a leading wind to re- 
 turn again into port. We had been in shore about 
 a week, every day running close in, and counting 
 the French fleet in the harbor, to see that they were 
 all safe, and reporting it to the admiral by signal, 
 when one fine morning, the whole of the French 
 vessels were perceived to hoist their topsails, and 
 in less than an hour they were under weigh, and
 
 PETER SIMPLE. U7 
 
 came o-it. of tlie harbor. We were always prepar- 
 ed for action, night and day, aiid, indeed, often ex- 
 changed a shot or two witn the batteries when we 
 recounoitcred ; the in-shore squadron could not of 
 course coj»e with the whole I rench fleet, and our 
 own was ubout twelve miles in the offing, but the 
 captain of the line-of-battle ship who commanded 
 us, hove to, as if in dcliance, hoping to entice them 
 further out. This was not very easy to do, as the 
 French knew that a sliift of wind might put it out 
 of their power to refuse an action, wliich was what 
 they would avoid, and what we were so anxious to 
 bring ab<jut. I say we, speaking of the English, not 
 of myself, for to tell the truth, I was not so very 
 anxious. I was not exactly afraid, but I had an un- 
 ple:isant sensation at the noise of a cannon b.all, 
 which I Jiad not as yet got over. However, four of 
 the Trench frigates made sail towards us, nnd hove 
 ti>, when wiiliin four miles, tiiree or four line-of-bat- 
 llc ships following them, as if to support them. Our 
 captain made signal for permission to close the en- 
 emy, which was grai;tcd, \vith our pcjinants, and 
 those of another frigate. We immediately made all 
 Bail, bent to quarters, put out the fires, and opened 
 the magazines The t'rench line-of-battlc ships 
 perceiving tiiat only two of our frigates were sent 
 against their four, hove to at about the same dis- 
 tance from their frigates, as our line-of-batllc ships 
 and other frigai.L-s were from us. In the mean time 
 our njain fleet continued to work in shore under a 
 press of sail, and the Krenih main fleet also gradu- 
 ally approached the detaclicd i.hi|)ij. T)ie whole 
 Bcene reminded me ol' the tournaments 1 had read 
 of; it was a challenge in the lists, only that tiie en- 
 emy were two to one ; a fair acknowledgment on 
 their uarts of our superiority. In about an hour we 
 closed so iicnr, that the Trench fritj.ites made s:iil 
 nnd commenced firing. We reserved our lire until 
 within a quarter of a mile, when we pcured our
 
 148 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 bro?.dsido into the headmost frigate, exclianging 
 with hctr on opposite tacks. The Sea-horse, who fol- 
 lowed^ also gave her a broadside. In this way we ex- 
 changed broadsides with the wliole four, and we 
 had the best of it, for they could not load so fast aa 
 v.c could. We were both ready again for the frig- 
 ates as tlicy passed us, but they were not ready with 
 their broadside for the Sea-horse, who follov/ed us 
 very closely, so that they had two broadsides each, 
 and' we had only four in the Diomede, the Sea-horse 
 not having one. Our rigging Nvas cut up a great deal, 
 and we had six or seven men wounded, but none 
 killed. The French frigates suffered more, and 
 their admiral perceiving that they were cut up a 
 good deal, made the signal of recall. In the mean 
 time, we had both tacked, and were ranging up on 
 the weather quarter of the sternmost frigate 3 the 
 line-of-battle ships perceiving this, ran down with 
 the wind, two points free, to support their frigates, 
 and our in-shore squadron made all sail to support 
 us, nearly laying up for where we were. But the 
 wini was v.nat is called at sea a soldier's ^\ind, that 
 is, blowing so that the ships could lie either way, 
 so as to run out or into the harbor, and the French 
 frigates, in obedience to their orders, made sail for 
 their lleet in shore, the line-of-battle ships coming 
 out to support them. But our captain would not 
 give it up, although we all continued to near tlie 
 Frencli line-of-battle ships every minute — we ran 
 in with the frigates, exchanging broadsides with 
 them as fast as we could. One of them lost her 
 fore topmast, and dropped astern, and we hoped 
 to cut lier o!t', but the others shortened sail to sup- 
 port her. This continued for about twenty minutes, 
 when the French line-of-battle ships were not more 
 than a mile t>om as, and our own commodore had 
 made the sign.il of recall, for he thou.^ht that we 
 should bo overpowered and taken. But the Sea- 
 horse, who saw the recall up. did not repeat it. and
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 149 
 
 our captain was determined not to see it, and order- 
 ed the siinial man not to look that way. The action 
 continued, two of the French frigates were cut to 
 
 ftiecea, and complete wrecks, wlien tlie French 
 ine-of-battle ships commenced firing. It was then 
 high time to be off. We each of us poured in an- 
 other broadside, and then wore round for our own 
 squadron, which were about four miles off, and rath- 
 er to leeward, standing in to our assistance. As 
 we wore round, our main topmast, which had been 
 badly wounded, fell over the side, and the French, 
 perceiving this, made all sail, witli the hope of cap- 
 turing us ; but the Sea-horse remained witii us, and 
 we threw up in the wind, and raked them until they 
 were within two cables' length of us. Then we 
 stood on for our own ships ; at last, one of the line- 
 of-battle ships, which sailed as well as the frigates, 
 came abreast of us, and poured in a broadside, which 
 brought every thing about our ears, and 1 thouglit 
 we must be taken ; but on the contrary, altiiough 
 we lost several men, the captain said to tlic first 
 lieutenant, ''now if they only wait a little longer, 
 they are nabbed, as sure as fate." Just at tliis mo- 
 ment, our own hne-of-battle ships opened their fire, 
 and then the tables were turned. The French tack- 
 ed, and stood in as fast as they could, followed by the 
 in-shore squadron, with the exception of our bhip, 
 which was loo much crippled to chase tlicm. One 
 of their frigates h.id taken in tow the other, who 
 had lost her topmast, and our squadron came up 
 with her very fast. Tlie Fnglish tleet were also 
 within three miles, standing in, and tlie French tleet 
 standing out, to the assistance of the other ships 
 which had Iwen engaged. I thouglit, and so did 
 everyb<Kly, that there would be a general action, 
 but we were disappointed •, the frigate which towed 
 the other, finding that she could not escape, cost 
 her off, and left her to her fate, which was to haul 
 down her colors to the commodore of the in-shore
 
 ISO PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 sauadroTi. The chase was continued until th« 
 whole of the French vessels were close under their 
 batteries, and then our fleet returned to its station 
 with the prize, which proved to be the iS'arcisse, of 
 thirty-six guns, Captain Le Pelleteon. Our captain 
 obtained a great deal of credit for his gallant be- 
 havior. We had three men killed, and Robinson, 
 the midshipman, and ten men wounded, some of 
 them severely. I think this action cured me of my 
 fear of a cannon ball, for during the few days we re- 
 mained with the fleet, we often were fired at when 
 we reconnoitered, but I did not care any thing for 
 them. About the time she was expected, the frig- 
 ale joined, and we had permission to part company. 
 But before I proceed with the history of oor cruise, 
 I shall mention the circumstance attending a court- 
 martial, which took place during the time that we 
 were with the fleet, our captain having been recall- 
 ed from the in-shore squadron to sit as one of the 
 members. I was the midshipman appointed to the 
 captain's gig, and remained on board of the admi- 
 ral's ship during the whole of the time that the court 
 was sitting. Two seamen, one an Knglishman, and 
 the other a Frenchman, were tried for desertion 
 from one of our frigates. They had left their ship 
 about three months, when the frigate captured a 
 French privateer, and found them on board as part 
 of her crew. For the Englishman, of course, there 
 was no defence ; he merited the punishment of 
 death, to which he was immediately sentenced. 
 There may be some excuse for desertion, when we 
 consider that the seamen are taken into the service 
 by force, but there could be none for fighting against 
 his country. But the case of the Frenchman was 
 different. He was bom and bred in France, had 
 been one of the crew of the P'rench gun-boats at Ca- 
 diz, where he had been made a prisoner by the 
 Spaniards, and expecting his throat to be cut every 
 day, had contrived to escape on board of the frigate
 
 PETER SIMPLE, 151 
 
 lying in the harbor, and entered into our servic*, I 
 reaJly believe, to save his life. He was nearly two 
 years in the frigate before he could find an oppor- 
 tunity of deserting from her, and returning to France 
 when he joined the French privateer. During the 
 time that he was in the frigate, he bore an excel- 
 lent character. The greatest point against him was, 
 that on his arrival at Gibraltar, he had been offered, 
 and had received the bounty. When the English- 
 man was asked what he had to say in his defence, 
 he replied, that he had been pressed out of an Amer- 
 ican ship, thit he was an American born, and that 
 he had never taken the bounty. But this was not 
 true. The defence of the Frenchman was consid- 
 ered §o very good for a person in his station in life, 
 that I obtained a copy of it, which ran as follows : — 
 " Mr. President, and Officers of the Honorable 
 Court ; — It is with the greatest humility that I ven- 
 ture to address you. I shall be very brief, nor shall 
 I attempt to disprove the charges which have been 
 made against me, but confine myself to a few facts, 
 the consideration of wliich will, I trust, operate up- 
 on your feelings in mitigation of the punishment to 
 which I may \ye sentenced for my fault — a fault 
 which proceeded, not from any evil motive, but 
 from an ardent love for my country. I am by birth 
 a Frenchman ; my life has been spent in the service 
 of France until a few months aAer the revolution in 
 Spain, when i, together with those who composed 
 tlie French suuadron at Cadiz, was made a prison- 
 er. The hardships and cruel usage which I endur- 
 ed became insupportable. I effected my escape, 
 and after wandenng about the town for two or three 
 days, in hourly expectation of being assassinated, 
 the fate of too many of my unfortunate countrymen ; 
 desperate from famine, and perceiving no other 
 chance of escaping from the town, I wa« reduced 
 to the necessity of offering myself as a volunteer 
 on board of an English frigate. I dared not, as I
 
 i9z petp:r simple. 
 
 ought to have done, acknowledge myself to have 
 been a prisoner, from the dread of beinj^ delivered 
 up to the Spaniards. During the poriod that I serv- 
 ed on board of your friuate, 1 conlidently rely upoa 
 the captain and the ofricers for my character. 
 
 " The love of our country, although dormant 
 for a time, will altimalely be roused, and peculiar 
 circumstances occurred whicli rendered the feeling 
 irresistible. I returned to my duty, and for havin;r 
 so done, am I to be debarred from acrain returning 
 to that country so dear to me — from a^ain behold- 
 ing my aeed parents, who bless me in my absence 
 — from again embracing my brothers and sisters — 
 to end my d:iys upon a scafTold 5 not for the crin>e 
 which I did commit in enterinj^ into your service, 
 but for an art of duty and repentance — that of re- 
 turning to my own. .-Mlow me to observe, that the 
 charge aa.iinst me is not for entering your service, 
 but for having deserted from it. For the former, 
 not even my misery can be brought forward bat in 
 extenuation; for the latter, I have a proud con- 
 sciousness, which wiU, I tmst, be my support in 
 my extremity. 
 
 ''Gentlemen. I earnestly entreat you to consider 
 my situation, and I am sure tliat your generous 
 hearts will pity me. Let that love of your country-, 
 which now animates your breasts, and induces you 
 to risk your lives and your all, now plead for me. 
 Already' has British humanity saved thousands of 
 my countrymen from the rage of the Spaniards j 
 let that same humanity be extended now. and in- 
 duce my jud;xes to add one m.ore to the list of thoes 
 who, aithou'ih our nations are at war, if they are 
 endowed with feeling, can have but one sentiment 
 towards a generous enemy — a sentiment overpow- 
 ering all other, that of a deep-felt gratitude."'* 
 
 Whatever may have been the effect of the ad- 
 dress upon tho court individually, it appeared at tho
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 153 
 
 time to have none upon tl.cm as a body. Both the 
 men were condomncd to death, ar.d the day after 
 the morrow was fixed for thoir execution. 1 watch- 
 ed the two prisoners as they went down the side, 
 to be conducted on board of their own ship. The 
 Englishman tlirew himself down in the stem sheets 
 of the boats, erery minor consideration apparently 
 swallowed up in the llioui,dit of his approaching 
 end ; hut the Frenchman, before he sat down, ob- 
 serving that the seat was a little dirty, took out his 
 silk handkerchief, and spread it on the seat, that 
 he mi'jht not soil his nankeen trousers. 
 
 I was ordered to attend the punishment on the day 
 appointed. The sun shone so brightly, and the sky 
 was so clear, the wind so pentle ana mild, that it 
 appeared hardly possible that it was to he a day of 
 such awe and misery to the two poor men. or of 
 Buch melancholy to {he fleet in general. 1 pulled 
 up mv boats with the others belonginir to the ships 
 of the fleet, in obedience to the orders of the olficer 
 Bupcrintending. close to the fore chains of the ship. 
 In about half an hour allerwards, the prisoners 
 made their appearance on the sraflold, the caps 
 were pulled over their eyes, and the t-'un fired un- 
 derneath them. When the smoke rolled away, the 
 Enrrlishman was 8winirinf» at the vard-arm. but the 
 Frenchman was not : he had made a Bprini^ when 
 the t^un fired, hopin;{ to break his neck atonce.ant^ 
 put an end to his misery ; but he fell on the ed<i,t 
 of the scaffold, where he lay. We thou;^ht that 
 his rope had triven way. and it appear«'d that he did 
 the same, for he made an incpiiry, but thev returned 
 him no answer. He was kept on the scaffold during 
 the whole hour that the Englishman remained sus- 
 pended •, his can had been removed, and he looked 
 occasionally at his fellow-Bufferer. When the body 
 was lowered down, he considered that his time was 
 come, and attempted to leap overboard. He was 
 restrained and led af^, where his reprieve wan read
 
 154 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 to him, and his arms were unbound. But the effect 
 of the shock was toe much for his mind 5 he fell 
 down in a swoon, and wlien he recovered, his 
 senses had left him, and I heard that he never re- 
 covered them, but was sent home to be confined as 
 a maniac. I thought, and the result proved, that it 
 was carried too far. It is not the custom, when 1 
 man is reprieved, to tell him so, until after he is 
 on the scaffold, with the intention that his awful 
 situation at the time may make a lasting impression 
 upon him during the remainder of his life 5 but, as 
 a foreigner, he was not aware of our customs, and 
 the hour of intense feeling which he underwent 
 was too much for his reason. I must say, that this 
 circumstance was always a source of deep regret 
 in the whole fleet, and that his being a Frenchmaii, 
 instead of an Englishman, increased the feeling of 
 commiseration. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 Mr. Chucks' opinion on proper names— He finishes hi« Spanish til*— 
 Marcb of Iniellect among llie Warrant Officers. 
 
 We were all delighted when our signal was hoist- 
 ed to '■' part company," as we anticipated plenty of 
 prize-money under such an enterprising captain. 
 We steered for the French coast, near to its junction 
 with Spain, the captain having orders to intercept 
 any convoys sent to supply the French army with 
 stores and provisions. 
 
 The day after we parted company with the fleet, 
 Mr. Chucks finished his story. 
 
 '• Where was I, Mr. Simple, when I left off?" 
 said he, as we took a seat upon the long eighteen.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 153 
 
 " You had just left the house after having told 
 them that vou were a corrcgidor, and had kissed 
 the lady's hand."' 
 
 •' Very true. Well, Mr. Simple, I did not call 
 there for two or three days afterwards ; 1 did not 
 like to go too soon, especially as I saw the young 
 lady every day in the Plaza. &he would not speak 
 to me, but, to make use of their expression, she 
 'gave me her eyes/ and sometimes a sweet smile. 
 I recollect I was so busy looking at her one day, 
 that i tripped over my sword and nearly fell on my 
 nose, al wnich she burst out a laughing." 
 
 " Your sword, Mr. Chucks ? I thought boatswains 
 never wore swords." 
 
 " Mr. Simple, a boatswain is an officer, and is 
 entitled to a sword as well as the captain, although 
 we have been laughed out of it by a set of mid- 
 shipman monkeys. I always wore my sword at that 
 time ; but now-a-days, a boatswain is counted as 
 nobody, unless there' is hard work to do, and then 
 it's Mr. Chucks this, and Mr. Chucks that. But 
 I'll explain to you how it is, Mr. Simple, that we 
 boatswains have lost so much of consequence and 
 dignity. The first lieutenants are made to do the 
 boatswain's duty now-a-days, and if they could only 
 wind the call, they might scratch the boatswain's 
 name off half the ship's books in his majesty's ser- 
 vice. But to go on with my yarn. On the fourth 
 day 1 called witn a handkerchicl full of segars for the 
 father, but he was at siesta, as they called it. The 
 old serving-woman would not let me in at first; but 
 I shoved a dollar between her skinny old fingers, 
 and that altered hrr note. She nut her old head 
 out and looked round to see if there was anybody 
 in the street to watch us, and then she let me in 
 and shut the door. I walked into the room, and 
 found myself alone with Seraphina." 
 
 " Seraphina ? — what a fine name !" 
 
 " No name can be too fine for a pretty girl, or a
 
 156 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 good frigate, Mr. Simple ; for my part I'm very fond 
 of these hard names. Your Bess, and Poll, and 
 Sue, do yery well for the Point, or Castle Rag 5 but 
 in my opinion, they degrade a lady. Don't you ob- 
 serve, Mr. Simple, that all our gun-brigs, a sort of 
 vessel that will certainly d — n the inventor to all 
 eternity, have nothing but low common names, such 
 as Pincher, Thrasher, Boxer, Badger, and all that 
 sort which are quite good enough for them ; where- 
 as all our dashing saucy frigates have names as long 
 as the main-top bowling, and hard enough to break 
 your jaw — sucn as Melpomeny, Terpsichory, Are- 
 thusy, Bacchanty — fine flourishers, as long as their 
 pennants which dip alongside in a calm." 
 
 " Very true," replied I ; '• but do you think, then, 
 it is the same with family names ?" 
 
 " Most certainly, Mr. Simple. When I was in 
 good society, I rarely fell in with such names as 
 Potts or Bell, or Smith or Hodges 5 it was always 
 Mr. Fortescue, or Mr. Fitzgerald, or Mr. Fitzher- 
 bert — seldom bowed, sir, to any thing under three 
 syllables.' 
 
 " Then I presume, Mr. Chucks, you are not fond 
 of your own name V 
 
 ^•' There you touch me, Mr. Simple 5 but it is 
 quite good enough for a boatswain,"' replied Mr. 
 Chucks, with a sigh. " I certainly did very wrong 
 to impose upon people as I did, but I've been se- 
 verely punished for it — it has made me discontented 
 and unhappy ever since. Dearly have I paid for 
 my spree ; for there's nothing so miserable as to 
 have ideas above your station in life. Mr. Simple. 
 But I hiust make sail again. I was three hours with 
 Seraphina before her father came home, and during 
 that time I was never quietly at an anchor for above 
 a minute. I was on my knees vowing and swear- 
 ing, kissing her feet and kissing her hand, till at 
 last I got to her lips, working my way up as regu- 
 larly as one who gets in at the hawsehole and
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 157 
 
 crawls aft to the cabin windows. She was very 
 kind, and she smiled, and si^'hed, and pushed me 
 off, and squeezed my hand, and was angry — frown- 
 ing till I was in despair, and then making me happy 
 again with her melting dark eyes beamii*^ kindly, 
 tfll at last she said, that she would try to love me, 
 and asked rae whether I would marry her and live 
 in Spain. I replied that I would; and, indeed, I 
 felt as if I could, only at the time the thought oc- 
 curred to me where i\'Ji rhino was to come from, 
 for I could not live as her father did, upon a paper 
 segar and a piece of melon per day. .\t all events, 
 as far as words went, it wa.s a settled thing. When 
 her father came home, the old servant told him 
 that I had just at that moment arrived, and that his 
 daughter was in her own room ; so she was, for she 
 ran away as boon as she heard her father knock. 
 I made my bow to the old gentleman, and gave 
 him the scgars. lie was serious at first, but the 
 sight of them put him into good humor, and in a 
 few minutes donna Seraphina (they call a lady % 
 donna in Spain) came in, saluting me ceremonious- 
 ly, as if wc had not been kissing for the hour to- 
 gether. I did not remain long, as it was getting 
 late, sol took a gln.es of the old gentleman's sour 
 wine and walked off, with a request from him to 
 call a;^ain. the young lady paying nje. little or no 
 attention during the time that I remained, or at ray 
 departure." 
 
 "Well. Mr. Chucks," observed I. "it appears to 
 me that she was a very deceitful young per.son." 
 
 "So she was. Mr. Simple; but a man in lovo 
 can't see, and I'll tell you why. If lie wins tlio 
 lady, lie is as much in love witli himsrll" as with 
 her, because he is so proud of his conquest. That 
 was mv case. If I had had my eyes, I might have 
 feen tnat she, who could cheat her old fatlier for a 
 mere stranger, would certainly deceive him in his 
 turn. But if love makes a man Mind. v.Tnity Mr.
 
 153 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 Simple, makes him blinder. In short, I was an 
 ass." 
 
 ''Never mind, Mr. Chucks, there was a good 
 excuse for it." 
 
 " Well, Mr. Simple, I met her again and again, 
 until I was madly in love, and the father appeared 
 to be aware of what was going on, and to nave no 
 objection. However, he sent for a priest to talk with 
 me, and I again said that I was a good Catholic. 
 I told him that I was in love with the young lady, 
 and would marry her. The father made no objec- 
 tion on my promising to remain in Spain, for he 
 would not part with his only daughter. And there 
 again I was guilty of deceit, first in making a prom ■ 
 ise I did not intend to keep, and then in pretending 
 that I was a Catholic. Honesty is the best policy, 
 Mr. Simple, in the long run, you may depend 
 upon it." 
 
 " So my father has always told me, and I have 
 believed him," replied I. 
 
 '* Well, sir, I am ashamed to say that I did worse ; 
 for the priest, after the thing was" settled, asked me 
 whether I had confessed lately. I knew what he 
 meant, and answered that I had not. He motioned 
 me down on my knees : but, as I could not speak 
 Spanish enough' for that, 1 mumble-jumbled some- 
 thing or another, half Spanish and half English, 
 and ended with putting four dollars in his hand for 
 caridad. which means charity. He was satisfied at 
 the end of my confession, whatever he might have 
 been at the beginning, and gave me absolution, al- 
 though he could not have understood what my 
 crimes were •, but four dollars. Mr. Simple, will pay 
 for a deal of crime in that country. And now, sir, 
 comes the winding-up of this business. Seraphina 
 told me. that she was going to the opera with some 
 of her relations, and asked me if I would be there j 
 that the captain of the frigate, and all the other 
 officers were going, and that she wished me to go
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 159 
 
 with her. You see, Mr. Simple, although Seraphi- 
 na's father was so poor, that a mouse would have 
 starved in his house, still he was of good family, and 
 connected with those who were much better off". 
 He was a don himself, and had fourteen or fifteen 
 long names, which I forget now. I refused to go 
 with her, as I knew that tlie service would not per- 
 mit a boatswain to sit in an opera box, when the cap- 
 tain and first lieutenant were there. I told her, that 
 I had promised to go on board and look after the men 
 while the captain wont on shore 5 thus, as you'll see, 
 Mr. Simple, making myself a man of consequence, 
 only to be more mortified in the end. After she had 
 gone to the opera, I was very uncomfortable : I was 
 afraid that the captain would sec her, and take a 
 fancy to her. I walked up and down outside, until 
 I was so full of love and jealousy, that 1 determined 
 to go into the pit, and see what she was about. I 
 soon discovered her in a box, with some other la- 
 dies, and with them were my captain and first lieu- 
 tenant. The captain, who spoke the lanfjuage well, 
 was leaning over her, talking, and laughing, and she 
 was smilini' at what he said. 1 resolved to leave im- 
 mediately, lest she sliould see me and discover tlial 
 I had told her a falsehood ; but thev appeared so in- 
 timate, that I became so jealous 1 could not quit 
 the tiieatre. At last she perceived mo, and beck- 
 oned her hand ; 1 looked yery angry ; and left the 
 theatre cursing like a madman. It ai)pe3red, that 
 she pointed me out to the captain, and asked him 
 who I was ; he told her my real situation on board, 
 ■nd spoke of me with contempt. She asked whe- 
 ther I was not a man of family ; at this the captain 
 and first lieutenant both burst out laughing, and said 
 thai I wan a cfimiiion sailor who had hcvu j)romoted 
 to a higher rank by goinl behavior — not exactly 
 an officer, and any thing but a gt-nticman. In short, 
 Mr. Simple. I was blwn upon ; and, although the 
 captain said more than was correct, as 1 learnt al\er-
 
 160 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 -wards through the officers^ still I deserved it. De- 
 termined to know the worst, I remained outside 
 till the opera was over, when I saw her come out, 
 the captain and first lieutenant walking with the 
 party — so that I could not speak with her. 1 walk- 
 ed to a posada, (that's an inn.) and drank seven bot- 
 tles of rosolio to keep myself quiet ; then I went 
 onboard, and the second lieutenant, who was com- 
 manding officer, put me under arrest for being in- 
 toxicated. It was a week before I was released ; 
 and you can't imagine what I suffered, Jylr. Simple. 
 At last, I obtained leave to go on shore, and I went 
 to the house to decide my fate. The old woman 
 opened the door, and then calling me a thief, 
 elammed it in my face ; as I retreated, donna Ser- 
 aphina came to the window, and, waving her hand 
 with a contemptuous look, said, ' Go, and God be 
 with you, Mr. Gentleman.' I returned on board in 
 such a rage, that if I could have persuaded the 
 gunner to have given me a ball cartridge, I should 
 nave shot myself through the head. What made 
 the matter worse, I was laughed at by everybody 
 in the ship, for the captain and first lieutenant had 
 made the story public.'' 
 
 " Well, Mr. Chucks,'' replied I, •'•' I cannot help 
 being sorry for you, although you certainly deserve 
 to be punished for your dishonesty. Was that the 
 end of the affair ?'' 
 
 " As far as I v.as concerned, it was, Mr. Simple; 
 but not as respected others. The captain took my 
 place, but v.ithout the knowledge of the father. 
 After all, they neither had great reason to rejoice 
 at the exchange." 
 
 '' How so, Mr. Chucks — what do you meanj" 
 
 '•Why, ^ir. Simple, the captain did not make au 
 honest woman of her, as I would have done ; and 
 the father discovered what was going on, and one 
 Tiight the captain w.is brought on board ruii through 
 the body. We snilerl immediately for Gibraltar,
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 161 
 
 and it was a long while before he got round again 3 
 and then he had another misfortune." 
 
 " What was that 1" 
 
 "Why he lost his boatswain, Mr. Simple ; for I 
 could not bear the sight of him — and then he lost 
 (as you must know, not from your own knowledge, 
 but from that of others) a boatswain who knows nia 
 duty."' 
 
 *• Every one says so, Mr. Chucks. I'm sure that 
 our captain would be very sorry to part with you." 
 
 " I trust that every captain has been, with whom 
 I've sailed, Mr. Siulple. But that was not all he 
 lost, Mr. .Simple ; for the next cruise he lost his 
 masts ; and the loss of his masts occasioned the loss 
 of his ship, since which he has never been trusted 
 with anotluir, but is laid on the shelf. Psow he ne- 
 ver carried away a spar of any consequence during 
 the whole time that I was with him. A mast itscl? 
 is nothing, Mr. Simple — only a piece of wood — but 
 fit your rigging properly, and then a mast is as 
 strong as a rock. Only ask Mr. Faulkner, and he'll 
 tell you the same ; and I never met an officer who 
 knew better how to support a mast." 
 
 " Did you ever hear any more of the young la- 
 dy ?" 
 
 " Yea ; about a year afterwards, I returned there 
 in another ship. She had been shut up in a con- 
 vent, and forced to take the veil. Oh, iNIr. Simple ! 
 if you knew how 1 loved that girl I I have never 
 been more than polite to a woman since, and shall 
 die a bachelor. You can't lliiiik how I wa.s capi>izcd 
 the other day, when I looked at the house •, i have 
 hardly touched beef or pork since, and am in debt 
 twocjuarts of rum more than my allowance. But, 
 Mr. Simple, 1 have told vou this in confidence, and 
 I trust you are too much of a ijenllcman to repeat 
 it J for I cannot bear quizzing from young midship- 
 inen." 
 
 I promised that I would not mention it, and I 
 
 VOL. I. 11
 
 162 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 kept my word ; but circumstances which the readef 
 Will learn in the sequel have freed me from the con- 
 diticn. Nobody can quiz liim now. 
 
 Vv'e gained cur st^ilion off the coast of Perpig- 
 nan ; and as soon as we made the land, we were 
 most provokinarly driven off bv a severe gale. 1 am 
 not about to make any remarks about the gale, for 
 one storm is so like another 5 but I mention it, to 
 account for a conversation which took place, and 
 with which 1 was very much amused. 1 was near 
 the captain when he sent for Mr. Muddle, tl-.e car- 
 penter, who had been up to examine the maintop- 
 sail yard, whicli had been reported as sprung. 
 
 " Well, Mr. Muddle/' said the captain. 
 
 '• Sprung, sir. most decidedly ; but I think we'll 
 be able to initigate it." 
 
 " Will you be able to secure it for the present, 
 Mr. Muddle .''' replied the captain, rather sharply. 
 
 " Well mitigate it, sir, in half-an-hour." 
 
 " I wish that you would use common phrases, 
 when you speak to me Mr. Muddle. I presume, by 
 mitigate, you mean to say that you can secure it. 
 Do you mean so, sir, or do you not ?'' 
 
 •' Ves, sir, that is what 1 mean, most decidedly. 
 I hope no offence, captain Savage 5 but I did not in- 
 tend to displease you by my language." 
 
 " Very good. Mr. Muddle," replied the captain 3 
 '* it's the first time I have spoken to you on the 
 subject, recollect that it will be the la.st." 
 
 " 'liie first time '.'' replied the carpenter, who 
 could not forget his philosophy 5 " I beg your par- 
 don, captain Savage, you found just the" same fault 
 with nie on this quarter-deck 27,672 vears ago, 
 and " 
 
 "If 1 did, Mr. Muddle," interrupted the captain, 
 ver) angrily, " depend upon it that at the same time 
 I ordered you to go aloit, and attend to your duty, 
 instead of talking nonsense on the quarter-deck j 
 and, although, as you say, you and I cannot rec-
 
 FETKR SIMPLE. 16S 
 
 ollect it. if you did not obey that order instan- 
 taneously. I also put you in confinement, and obli- 
 ped you to leave the ship as soon as slie returned 
 to port. Do vou understand me, sir ?" 
 
 " 1 rather think, sir," replied the carpenter, hum- 
 bly touching his hat, and walking to the main rig- 
 ging, •' that no such thing took place, for I went up 
 immediately, as I do now 5 and,'' continued the 
 carpenter, who was incurable, as he ascended the 
 rigffinjT. " as 1 shall again in another !;I7,G72 years." 
 
 " That man is incorrigible with his confounded 
 nonsense.'" observed the captain to the first lieute- 
 nant. " Every mast in the ship would go over the 
 side, provided he can get any one to listen to his 
 ridiculous theory." 
 
 " He is not a bad carpenter, sir," replied the tirst 
 lieutenant. 
 
 " He is not," rejoined the captain j " but there is 
 .1 time for all things." 
 
 Ju't at this moment, the boatswain came down 
 ll.f ripping. 
 
 •• Well, Mr. Chucks, what do you think of the 
 \ ii\l ? Must we shift it ?" inquired the captain. 
 
 • .\* present, captiin Savage," replied the boat- 
 iw.-iin. " I coiisidcr it 10 be in a slate which may be 
 failed |)recarious, and not at all permanent ; but, 
 with a little human exertion, four fathom of three 
 inch, and half-a-dozen tenpenny nails, it may last, 
 for .oJl I kjjow, until it is time for it to be sprung 
 ajjaiii."' 
 
 '* I do not understand you, Mr. f 'bucks. I know 
 no lime when a yard oui,'ht to be spning." 
 
 •• I did not refer to our lime, sir," replied the 
 l)oaLswain, '• but to the 27,672 years of Mr. Mud- 
 dle, when " 
 
 " (>o forwanl immediately, sir, and attend to your 
 duty," cried the nnj,nin, in a ven.' angry voice ; and 
 then he said to the first lieutenant. " I believe the 
 warrint rfficcrs arc going mad. Whoever heard
 
 164 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 a boatswain use such language — 'precarious, and 
 not at all permanent V His stay in tlie ship will 
 become so, if he does not mind what lie is about.'' 
 
 " He is a very odd character, sir," replied the 
 first lieutenant ; '• but 1 have no hesitation in say- 
 ing, that he is the best boatswain in his majes'.y's 
 service." 
 
 '•1 believe so too," replied the captain 5 "but — 
 well, every one has his faults. Mr. Simple, what 
 are you about, sir ?" 
 
 " 1 was listening to what you said," replied I, 
 touching my hat. 
 
 " I admire your candor, sir," replied he, " but 
 advise you to discontinue the practice. Walk over 
 to leeward, sir, and attend to your duty." 
 
 When I was on the other' side of the deck, I 
 looked round, and saw the captain and first lieuten- 
 ant both laughing. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIH. 
 
 I go iiwny on service, am wniuideil, am UWpu pri'Diifr wiili O'Brien - 
 Diamoiiil cut (liiimoiKl Ijelwecn tlip O'Brien's— Grt into comliprlaijle 
 quarlefs— iMy first iaerview wiUi Celeste. 
 
 And now, I have to narrate an event, which, 
 young as I was at the time, will be found to have 
 ooriously afiected me in ai\er-life. How little do 
 we know what to-morrow may bring fortii ! We 
 had r(>;xa!ned our station, and for some days had 
 been standing off and on the coast, when one morn- 
 ing at daybreak, we found ourselves about four 
 miles from the town of Cette, and a large convoy 
 of vessel:; coming round a point. V/c made aU 
 sail in clixeo, .and they anchoro<l ci.;.-:c in shi;rc, un-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 1G5 
 
 der a batten-, which we did not discover until it 
 opened fire upon us. The shot struck the frigate 
 two or three times, for the water was smooth, and 
 the battery nearly level with it. The captain tack- 
 ed tiie ship, and stood out again, until the boats 
 were hoisted out, and all ready to pull on shore ajid 
 storm the battery. O'Brien, who was the oificer 
 commanding the first cutter on service, was in his 
 boat, and I again obtained permission from him to 
 smutiglc myself into it. 
 
 " ISow, Peter, let's see what kind of a fish you'll 
 bring on board this time," said he. after we had 
 shoved off; '• or mav be, the fish will not let you 
 off quite so easy." The men in the boat all laugli- 
 ed at this, and I replied," that I must be more se- 
 riously wounded than I was last time, to be made 
 a prisoner." We rdn on shore, amidst the fire of 
 the pun-boats, who protected the convoy, by which 
 we lost three men. and made for the battery, which 
 we took witliout opposition, the French artillery- 
 men running out as wo ran in. The directions of 
 the captain were very positive, not to remain in the 
 battery a minute after it was taken, but to board 
 the gun-boat.s, leaving only one of the small boats, 
 with the armorer to spike the guns, for tJie captain 
 was aware that there were troops stationed along 
 the coast, who might come down upon us, ana 
 beat us off. The first lieutenant, who commanded, 
 desired O'Brien torrmain with the first cutter, and 
 after the armorer had spiked the guns, as officer of 
 the boat he was to shove off immrdiatrly. O'Brien 
 and I remained in the battery, with the armorer, 
 the boat's crew l>oing ordered down to the boat, to 
 keep her afloat, and ready to shove off at a moment's 
 warning. We had sniked all the guns but one, when 
 all of a sudden a volley of musketry was poured up- 
 on us, which killed the armorer, and wo.indf d mo 
 in the leg above the knee. 1 fell down by O'Brien, 
 who cried out, " By the power* hen* t'"py nre. nnd
 
 166 Pt.TER SIMPLE. 
 
 one gun not spiked.' He jumped down, wrenched 
 the hammar from the armourer's hand, and seizing 
 a nail from the bag, iu a few moments he had spik- 
 ed the gun. At this time I heard the tramping of 
 the French soldiers advancing, when O'Brien threw 
 away the hammer, and lifting me upon his shoulderr., 
 cried, *• Come along, Peter, my boy,'' and made for 
 the boat as fast as he could ; but he was too late : 
 he had not got half way to the boat, before he was 
 collared by two French soldiers, and dragged back 
 into the battery. The French troops then advanced, 
 and kept up a smart fire : our cutter escaped, and 
 joined the other boats, who had captured the gun- 
 boats and convoy with little opposition. Our large 
 boats hr.d carronades mounted in the bows, and 
 soon returned the hrc with round and grape, which 
 drove the French troops back into the battery, 
 where they remained, popping at our men under 
 cover, until most of tlie vessels were taken out : 
 those which they could not man were burnt. In 
 the mean time, O'Brien had been taken into the 
 battery, with me on his back ; but as soon as he was 
 there, he laid me gently down, saying, " Peter, my 
 boy, as long as you were under my charge, Pd car- 
 ry you through thick and thin, but now that you 
 are under these French beggars, why let them car- 
 ry you. Every man his own bundle, Peter, that's 
 fair play ; so, if they think you're worth the carry- 
 ing, let them bear the weight of ye." 
 
 •■ And suppose that they do not, O'Brien, will you 
 leave me h.ere V 
 
 " Will I leave you, Peter 1 not if I can help it, 
 my boy ; but they won't leave you, never fear 
 them ; prisoners are so scarce with them that they 
 would not leave the captain's monkey, if he were 
 taken.' 
 
 As soon as our boats were clear of their musket- 
 ry, the commanding officer of the French troops 
 examined the guns in the battery, with the hope of
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 167 
 
 reaching them, and was very much annoyed to find 
 that every one of them was spiked. " He'll look 
 sharper than a magpie, before ne tinds a clear touch- 
 hole, i expect,' said O'Brien, as he watched the 
 oliicer. And here I must observe, that O'Brien 
 showed great presence of mind in spiking the last 
 gun 3 for, had they had one gua to iirc at our boats 
 towing out the prizes, they must have done a great 
 deal of mischief to them, and we should have lost 
 a great many men ; but in so doing, and in the at- 
 tempt to save me, he sacrihccd himself, and was 
 taken prisoner. VViien tiie troops ceased firing, the 
 comuKiiiding oHiccr rame up to O'Brien, and look- 
 ing at liiin, t^aid, •• Olhccr .'' to wliich O'Brien nod- 
 ded his Jiead. He then pointed tome — •• Olhcer ?" 
 O'Brien nodded his head ."igaiu, at which the French 
 troops laughed, as O'Brien told me afterwards, be- 
 cause I was what they called an eii/'unt, which 
 means an infant. 1 was very stilf, and faint, and 
 could not walk. I'lie oliicer who commaiided the 
 troops left a detachment in the battery, and pre- 
 pared to return to Cette, from whence they came. 
 O'Brien walked, and I was carried on three mus- 
 kets by si.x of tlie French soldiers — not a very 
 pleasant convf^^ance at any lime, but in my state 
 excessively painful. However, I must say, that 
 they were very kind to me, ;iiid put a j-reat coat or 
 fiomethiiig under my woui;ded leg, for I was in an 
 agony, and fainted several times. .\t la.'-t lliejr 
 brought me some water to drink. O how delicious 
 it was I 1 have often thought since, when 1 hava 
 been in companv, where people fond of good living, 
 have smacked tlieir liiw at their claret, tliat if they 
 could only Itc wounded, and taste a cup of water, tliey 
 would then know what it w.is to feel a l>cverage 
 grateful. In about an hour and a hall', which appear- 
 ed to me to be five days at hast, we arrived at the 
 town of Cetle, and 1 was tiken up to tlie house of 
 the officer who commanded the Iroojxi, and who
 
 168 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 had often looked at me as I was carried there from 
 the battery, saying, " Pauvri enfant !" I waa put 
 on a bed, where I again fainted away. When I 
 came to my senses, 1 found a surgeon had bandaged 
 my leg and that I had been undressed. O'Brien was 
 standing by me, and I believe that he had been cry- 
 ing, for he thought that 1 was dead. When 1 look- 
 ed him in the face, he said, " Pater, you baste, how 
 you frightened me ! bad luck to me if ever I take 
 charge of another youngster. What did you sham 
 dead for ?" 
 
 '• I am better now, O'Brien," replied I ; " how 
 much I am indebted to you ! you have been made 
 prisoner in trying to save me." 
 
 •'• I have been made prisoner in doing my duty, in 
 one shape or another. If that fool of an armorer 
 hadn't held his hammer so tight, after he was dead, 
 and it was of no use to him, I should have been 
 clear enough, and so would you have been! but, 
 however, all this is nothing at all, Pater; as far as 
 I can see, the life of a man consists in getting into 
 scrapes, and getting out of them. By the blessing 
 of God we've managed the iirst, and by the blessing 
 of God we'll manage the second also ; so be smart, 
 my honey, and get well, for, although a man may 
 escape by running away on two legs, I never heard 
 of a boy who hopped out of a French prison upon 
 one." 
 
 1 squeezed the offered hand of O'Brien, and look- 
 ed round me ; the surgeon stood at one side of the 
 bed, and the officer who commanded the troops at 
 the other. At the head of the bed was a little girl 
 about twelve years old, who held a cup in her hand, 
 out of which something had been poured down my 
 throat. I looked at her, and she had such a pity in 
 her face, which was remarkably handsome, that she 
 appeared to me as an angel, and 1 turned round as 
 well as I could, that I might look at her alone. She 
 offered me the run which I should have refused from
 
 PETER SIMPLE. k59 
 
 any one but her, and I drank a little. Another person 
 then came into the room, and a conversation look 
 phce in French. '• 1 wonder what they mean to 
 do witli U3," said I to O'Brien. 
 
 '• Whist, hold your ton?iue.'" replied he ; and then 
 ho leaned over me, and said in a whisper. '' 1 under- 
 stand all they sav ; don't you recollect, I told you 
 that 1 learnt the language after 1 was kilt and buried 
 in the sand, in South America?'' After a littlo 
 more conversation, the officer and the others retired, 
 leaving nobody but the little girl and O'Brien in the 
 room. " It's a message from the governor,'' slid 
 O'Brien, as soon as they were gone, " wishing tlie 
 prisoners to In? sent to the jail in the citidel, to be 
 examined ; and the officer says, (and he's a real 
 gentleman, as far as I can judge,) that you're but a 
 baby, and badly wounded in the bargain, and that it 
 would bo a shame not to leave you to die in peace ; 
 so I presume, that I'll part company from you very 
 soon." 
 
 " I hope not, O'Brien," replied I ; "if you go to 
 prison, I will g-o also, for I will not leave you, who 
 are my best friend, to remain with strangers ; I 
 should not be lialf so happy, although I might have 
 more comforts in my present situation." 
 
 " Pater, my boy, I am glad to see that your heart 
 is in the right place, as I always thought It was, or 
 I wouldn't have taken you under my protection. 
 We'll go together to pris(»n, my jewel, and I'll fish 
 at the bars witli a bag and a long string, just by way 
 of recreation, and to pick up a little money to buy 
 you all manner of nice things; and when vou pet 
 well, you shall do it yourself, mayhap you'll have 
 better lurk, as I'eter'your namesake nad, who was 
 a fisherman, before you. There's twice as much 
 room in one of the cells, as there is in a midship- 
 man's berth, my boy : and the prison yards, where 
 you are allowed to walk, wdl make a dozen quarter- 
 decks, and no n*ed of touching your hat out of re-
 
 170 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 B|>ect when yoa go into it. ^^^^en a man has been 
 cramped up on board of a man-of-war, where mid- 
 shipmen are stowed away like pilchards in a cask, 
 he finds himself quite at liberty in a prison, Peter. 
 But somehow or another, I think we mayn't be 
 parted yet, for I heard the officer (who appears to be 
 a real gentleman, and worthy to have been an Irish- 
 man born) say to the other, that he'd ask the gov- 
 ernor for me to stay with you on parole, until you 
 are well again." The little girl handed me the 
 lemonade, of which I drank a little, and then 1 felt 
 very faint again. I laid my head on the pillow, and 
 O'Brien having left off talking, 1 was soon in a com- 
 fortable sleep. In an hour I was awakened by the 
 return of the officer, who was accompanied by the 
 surgeon. The officer addressed O'Brien in French, 
 ■who shook his head as before. 
 
 " Why don't you answer, O'Brien," said I, '' since 
 you understand him ?" 
 
 " Peter, recollect that I cannot speak a word of 
 their lingo ; then I shall know what they say before 
 us, and they wont mind what they say, supposing I 
 do not understand them." 
 
 " But is that honest, O'Brien ?" 
 
 " Is it honest, you mean ? if I had a five pound 
 note in my pocket, and don't choose to show it to 
 every fellow that I meet — is that dishonest ?" 
 
 " To be sure it's not." 
 
 " And a'n't that what the lawyers call a case in 
 pint?" 
 
 " Well," replied I, ''if you wish it, I shall of 
 course say nothing ; but I think that I should tell 
 them, especially as they are so kind to us." 
 
 During this conversation, the officer occasionally 
 spoke to the surgeon, at the same time eyeing us, I 
 thought very hard. Two other persons then came 
 into the room ; one of them addressed O'Brien in 
 very bad English, saying that he was interpreter, 
 and" would beg him to answer a few questions. H«
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 171 
 
 tlieu inquired the name of our ship, number of 
 guns, and how long we had been cruising:. After 
 Uiat, the force of the English licet, and a great 
 majiy other auestions relative to them j all cf which 
 were put in French by the person who came with 
 him, and the answers translated, and taken down in 
 a book. Some of the questions O'Brien answered 
 correctly, to others he pleaded ignorance ; and to 
 some he asserted w hat was not true. But I did not 
 blame him for that, as it was his duty not to give 
 information to the enemy. At last they asked my 
 name, and rank, which O'Brien told them. " Waa 
 1 noble .'■' 
 
 *' Yes," replied O'Brien. 
 
 " Don't say so, O'Brien,"' interrupted I. 
 
 " Peter, you know nothing about it, you aregrand- 
 Eon to a lord." 
 
 " I know that, but still I am not noble myself, al- 
 though descended from him ; therefore pray don't 
 say 80." 
 
 " Botlier! Pater, I have said it, and I won't un- 
 say it; besides. Pater, recollect it's a French ques- 
 tion, and in France you would be considered noble. 
 At all events, it can do no harm." 
 
 " I feol too ill to talk, O'Brien; but I wish you 
 had not said so." 
 
 They then inquired O'Brien's name, which he 
 told them ; his rank in the service, and also wheth- 
 er he was noble. 
 
 " I am an O'Brien." replied he ; "and pray what's 
 llie nu'aniiig of the O before my name, if Vm not 
 noble ? however Mr. Interpreter, you may add, that 
 we have dropned our title uecause it's not conven- 
 ient." The French oflicer burst out into a loud 
 laugh, wtiicli surprised us very much. The inter- 
 preter had ^'reat diHiculty in explaining what O'Bri- 
 en said ; but as O'Briiii told me afterwards, lljo 
 aiuwer was put down do\tblJ\d. 
 
 They all left the room except the officer, who
 
 172 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 then, to our astonishment, addressed us in good 
 English, *' Gentlemen, 1 have obtained permission 
 from the governor for you to remain in my house, 
 until Mr. Simple is recovered. Mr. O'Brien, it is 
 necessary that I should receive your parole of hon- 
 or, that you will not attempt to escape. Are you 
 willing to g ve it V 
 
 O'Brien was quite amazed ; " Murder an' Irish," 
 cried he 3 " so you speak English, colonel. It was 
 not very genteel of you not to say so, considering 
 how we've been talking our little secrets together." 
 
 '•' Certainly, Mr. O'Brien, not more necessary," 
 replied the officer, smiling, '• than for you to tell 
 me that you understood French." 
 
 •' O bother," cried O'Brien, '■ how nicely I'm 
 caught in my own trap ! You're an Irishman, sure?" 
 
 '' I'm of Irish descent,'" replied the officer, " and 
 my name, as well as yours, is O'Brien. I was 
 brought up in this country', not being permitted to 
 serve my own, and retain the religion of my fore- 
 fathers. I may now be considered as a French- 
 man, retaining nothing of my original country, ex- 
 cept the language which my mother taught me, and 
 a warm feeling' towards the English whenever I 
 meet them. But to the question, Mr. O'Brien, will 
 you give your parole ?" 
 
 " The word of an Irishman, and the hand to boot," 
 replied O'Brien, shaking the colonel by the hand; 
 " and you're more than doubly sure, for I'll never 
 go away and leave little Peter here 5 and as for 
 carrying him on my back, I've had enough of that 
 already." 
 
 ''It is sufficient," replied the colonel. "Mr. 
 O'Brien, I will make you as comfortable as I can ; 
 and when you are tired of attending your friend, 
 my little daughter shall take your place. You'll 
 find her a kind little nurse, Mr. Simple." I could 
 not refrain from tears at the colonel's kindness ; he 
 shook me by the hand, and telling O'Brien that din-
 
 PETER SliMPLE. 173 
 
 ner was ready, he called up his daughter, the little 
 girl who had attended nie Ijcfore, and desired her 
 to remain in the room. "Celeste," said he, " ycu 
 understand a little English j quite enougii to iind 
 out what he is in want of. Go and fetch your work, 
 to amuse yourself wlicn he is asleep." Celeste 
 went out, and reluming with her embroidery, sat 
 down by the head of the bed : the colonel and 
 0"iiricn then (juitted the room. Celeste then com- 
 mented her embroidery, and as her eyes were cast 
 down upon l.er work, I was able to look at her 
 witliout her observing it. As I said before, she was 
 a very beautiful little pirl ; her hair was light brown, 
 eyes very lar^e, and eyebrows drawn, as if with a 
 pair of compasses ; her nose and mouth were also 
 very pretty : but it waa not so much her features, 
 as the expression of her countenance, which was so 
 beautiful, so modest, so sweet, and so intelligent. 
 When she smiled, which she almost always did 
 when she spoke, her teeth were like two rows of 
 little pearls. 
 
 I hud not looked at her long, before she raised 
 Iier eyes from her work, and perceiving that I was 
 looking at her, said, " You want — something — want 
 drink — I sj)eak very little English.' 
 
 " Nothing, I thank ye," replied I j " I only want 
 to go to sleep." 
 
 "Then — shut — your eye,' replied blie, smiling; 
 and she went to the window and drew down the 
 blinds to darken the room. Hut 1 could not sleep ; 
 the remembrance of what Ind occurred — in a few- 
 hours wounded and a prisoner — the thought of my 
 father's and inoihcr's anxiety, with the prospect of 
 going to a prison and close confinement as soon as 
 1 was recovered, na.ssed in succession in my mind, 
 and, together with thr* actual pain of mv wound, 
 prevented me from obtaininix any rest, 'i'he little 
 girl several times opened tlie cjirtain to a.scertain 
 whether ! ^ji-pt or w.intcd any thing, and then at
 
 174 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 softly retired. In the evening, the surgeon called 
 again 5 he felt my pulse, and directing cold applica- 
 tions to my leg, which had swelled considerably, 
 and was becoming very painful, told colonel O'Brien, 
 that although I had considerable fever, 1 was doing 
 as well as could be expected, under the circumstan- 
 ces. But I shall not dwell upon my severe suffer- 
 ing for a fortnight, after which the ball was extract- 
 ed ; nor upon how carefully I was w atched by 
 O'Brien, the Colonel, and little Celeste, during my 
 peevishness and irritation, arising from pain and 
 fever. 1 felt grateful to them, but particularly to 
 ('eleste, who seldom quitted me for more than half 
 an hour 5 and, as I gradually recovered, tried all 
 she could to amuse me. 
 
 CH.\PTER XIX. 
 
 We remove lo very unpleasant quarters — Birds of a f'alber won't 
 .".Iways flock togetlier — O'Brien cuts a cutler midsliipi^Hn, and f>eta 
 a taste of French steel — Altogelber Jlat work — A wait into the 
 interior. 
 
 A.S soon as I was well enough to attend to my 
 little nurse, we became very intimate, as might bt- 
 expected. Our chief employment was teaching 
 each other French and English. Having the advan- 
 tage of me in knowing a little before we met, and 
 also being much quicker of apprehension, she \Qrs 
 soon began to speak English liuently, long before I 
 could make out a short sentence in French How- 
 ever, as it was our chief employment, and both were 
 anxious to communicate with each other, I learnt 
 it very fast. In five weeks I was out of bed, and 
 could limp about the room} and before two months 
 were over, I was quite recovered. The colonel, 
 however, would not report me to the governor j 1
 
 PETER ShMPLE. 175 
 
 remained on the sofa during the day, but at dusk 
 I stole out of the housr, and walked about with 
 CelestP. I never pnpseil surh a happy time as the 
 last fortnight ; the only drawback was the remem- 
 brance that 1 should soon have to exchange it for a 
 prison. I was more easy about mv father and 
 mother, as O'Brien had written to them, assuring 
 them that 1 was doing well : and besides, a few 
 days after our capture, the frigate had run in. and 
 eent a flag of truce to incpiire if we were alive or 
 made prisoners-, at the same time captain Savage 
 sent on shore all our clothes, and two hundred dol- 
 lars in cash for our use. I knew that even if 
 O'Brien's letter did not reach them, they were sure 
 to hear from captain Sava'_'e that I was doing well. 
 But the idea of parting with Celeste, towards whom 
 I felt such gratitude and affection, was most painful ; 
 and when I talked about it. poor Celeste would cry 
 BO much, that I could not help joining her. althougli 
 I kissed away her tears. At the end of twelve 
 weeks the siirgeon colild no longer withliold hi.s 
 report and we were ordered to be ready in two 
 days to march to Toulon, where we were to join 
 another party of prisoners, to proceed with theni 
 into the interior. I must pass over our parting, 
 which the reader may imagine was very painful. 
 I promised to write to Celeste, and she promised 
 that she would answer my letters, if it were jier- 
 mitted. VVe shook hands with colonel O'Brien, 
 thanking him for his kindness, and, much to his 
 reuret, we were taken in charge by two Kreiuh 
 cuirasaiers, who were waiting at the door. .\s we 
 prci'erred being continued on parole until our arrival 
 at Toulon, the soldiers were not at all particular 
 about walchini,' us ; and we set off on hiirsei)ack, 
 O'Brien and I going first, and the French cuiruisiers 
 following UH in the rear. 
 
 We trotted, or walked, along the road very com- 
 fortably. The weather was delightful ; we were in
 
 176 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 high spirits, and almost forgot that we were pris- 
 oners. The cuirassiers followed us at a distance 
 of twenty yards, conversing with each other, and 
 O'Brien observed, that it was amazingly genteel of 
 the French governor to provide us with tw o servants 
 in such handsome liveries. The evening of the 
 second day we arrived at Toulon, and as soon as 
 we entered the gates, we were delivered into the 
 custody of an officer, with a very sinister cast of 
 countenance, who, after some conversation with 
 the cuirassiers, told us in a surly tone that our pa- 
 role was at an end, and gave us in charge of a cor- 
 poral's guard, with directions to conduct us to the 
 prison near the Arsenal. We presented the cuiras- 
 siers with four dollars each for their civility, and 
 were then hurried away to our place of captivity. 
 I observed to O'Brien, that I was afraid that we 
 must now bid farewell to any thing like pleasure. 
 '•You're right there. Peter," replied he; "but 
 there's a certiin jewel called Hope, that somebody 
 found at the bottom of his chest, when it was clean 
 empty, and so we must not lose sight of it, but try 
 and escape as soon as we can ; but the less we talk 
 about it the better." In a few minutes we arrived 
 at our destination, the door was opened, ourselves 
 and our bundles (for we had only selected a few- 
 things for our march, the colonel promising to for- 
 ward the remainder els soon as we wrote to inform 
 him to which depot we were consigned) were rude- 
 ly shoved in 5 and as the doors again closed, and 
 the heavy bolts were shot, I felt a creeping, chilly 
 sensation pass through my whole body. 
 
 As soon as we could see — for although the prison 
 was not very dark, yet so suddenly thrown in, after 
 the glare of a bright sunshiny day, at first we could 
 distinguish nothing — we found ourselves in company 
 with about thirty English sailors. Most of them 
 were sitting down on the pavement, or on boxes, 
 or bundles containing their clothes that they had
 
 rKTIlll bLMPLi:. 177 
 
 secured; rcnversinjj witli each otI;cr, or playing at 
 canls ordi-auplils. Our entrance api>eared to excite 
 little .iltcntion ; after having raised their eyes to 
 indulge tlieir curiosity, they continued their pur- 
 suits. I Jiave often thought what a feeling of sel- 
 fiblincES appeared to pervade through the whole of 
 them. At the time 1 was shocked, as I expected 
 immediate sympathy and commiseration ■, but after- 
 ^^ards 1 was not surprised. Many of these poor 
 fellows had been months in tiie prison, and a short 
 ccnfiRcment will produce t);at indiirerencc to the 
 njisfortuiies of r tliers, which 1 then observed. In- 
 deed, one man, who was playinir at cards, looked 
 up for a moment as we came in, and cried out, 
 " Huryah, my lads ! the more the merrier," as if he 
 really was pleased to find that there were others 
 who were as unlortunate as hir.i^elf. We stood 
 looking at the grouns for about ten minutes, when 
 OBrien oi;ecrved, tliat we mipht as well crme to 
 an anchor, foul ^ircund bcin}! better than no bottom ;" 
 fo wc sat dowr in a corner, upon our bundle?, where 
 we remained for more than an hour, sur\eying the 
 Hccnc, without tpeakinij a word to each other. I 
 could not i-peak — I frit so very miserable. I thought 
 of my father and mother in i'.n;;lani!, of my captain 
 and my messmates, who were sailing about so hap- 
 pily in the frigate, of the kind Colonel O'Brien, 
 lind de-ir little Celeste, and tl.e tears trickled down 
 my cheeks as these Fcenes of former happiness 
 pa-ssed through my mind in quick eticcepsion. C)'Bri- 
 en did not speak but once, and then he only said, 
 "Tli.s ih dull work, Tcter." 
 
 We b'.d been in the prison about two hours, when 
 a latl in a very prea?y, ragged jacket, with a pale 
 emaciated \'\rc camv? up to us, an<i said, " I perceive 
 by your uniforms that you are brth officers, as well 
 as my«"l'-" 
 
 O'liricn ttarcd at him for a little while, and then 
 pnswrred, '* Cpc'n mv soul and honor, then vou'»« 
 wu.. I. li
 
 178 PETER SLMPLE. 
 
 the advantage of us, for it's more tliau I could per- 
 ceive in you 5 but I'll take your word for it. Fray 
 what ship may have had tl;e misfortune of losing 
 such a credit to the service /"' 
 
 '•■ \V'iiy, I belonged to the Snapper cutter/' replied 
 the young lad ; •• 1 was taken in a prize, which the 
 commanding olhcer had given in my charge to take 
 to Gibraltar} but they won"t believe tiiat I'm an 
 officer. I have applied fcr officers' allowance and 
 rations, and they won't give them to me." 
 
 " Well, but they know that we are officers,'" re- 
 plied O'Brien} "why do they s!:ove us in here, 
 with the common seamen V 
 
 '• 1 suppose you are only put in here for the pres- 
 ent," rejjlied the cutter's midshipman 5 " but why, 
 I cannot tell." 
 
 I*sor could we, until after^v."rd.s, when we found 
 out, as our narrative will show, that the officer who 
 received us from the cuirassiers, had once quarrell- 
 ed witli colonel O'Brien, who first pulled his nose, 
 and afterwards ran him Lhrougii the body. Being 
 told by tl;e cuirassiers that we were much esteenie J 
 by colonel O'Brien, he resolved to annoy us as 
 much as he could } and when he sent up the docu- 
 ment announcing our arrival, he left cut the word 
 "Officers,' and put us in confinement with the 
 common seamen. '• It's very hard upon me not to 
 have my regular allowance as an officer, ' continued 
 the midshipman. " They only give me a black 
 loaf and three sous a day. If I had had my best 
 uniform on, tliey never would have disputed my 
 being an officer; but the scoundrels v>ho retook 
 the prize, stole all my traps, and I have nothing but 
 this old jacket." 
 
 " Why, then," replied O'Brien, '"'you'll know the 
 ralue of dress for the future. You cutter and gun- 
 brig midshipmen go about in such a dirty state, that 
 you are hardly acknowledged by us who belong to 
 frigates, to be officers much less gentlemen. Vou
 
 I'l-yiiai SIMILE. 179 
 
 look 80 dirty and so blovenly when wc pass you in 
 the dock-yard, that we give you a wide berth ; how 
 llien can }ou suppose strangers to believe tliat you 
 are cillier officers or gentlemen ? Upon my con- 
 science, 1 absolve the Frenchmen from all preiu- 
 dice, I'or, as to your bein;^ an officer, we, as Kn- 
 gli.-hmen, have nolhinj; but your bare word for it." 
 
 " Well, it's very hard,'' replied the lad, " tu be 
 attacked this way by a brother officer} your coat 
 will be as shabby as mine, before you have been 
 here long." 
 
 " That's very true, my darling," returned O'Brien } 
 •• but at lea:=t I shall have the pleasant reflection 
 that 1 came in as a gentleman, aLlthou;,di I may not 
 exactly go cut under the same appearance. Good 
 iiigl.t, and pleasant dreams to you." I thought 
 O Brien r:it!.er cross in speaking in such a way, but 
 he was himself always as remarkably neat and well 
 dressed, as he was handsome and well made. 
 
 Fortunately we were not destined to rem ii:i long 
 in this detestable hclc. .Vficr a night of misery, 
 during which we reinaineJ fitlin;; on our bi'.isdies, 
 and sfccpin r how we could, leaning with our backs 
 iigainst the damp wall, we were roused at d lylrcak 
 by the unbarring of tlie jirison doors, loUowed up 
 with an order to go into the priton yard. Wc were 
 huddled out like a flock of sheep,' by a lile of sol- 
 diers with loaded muskets ; and, iu v. e v en* into 
 the yard, were ran^^ed two and two. The same 
 officer wl.o ordered us into pri::on, rommanJed the 
 detachment of sehiiers who l;a I us in charge. 
 O'Brien stepped out of the rank:-, and, aldrcssijig 
 tliom, stated that we were officers, and l.ud no rii^l'.t 
 lo be treated like common sailors. The French 
 officer rephcd, that he had belter information, and 
 that we uore coats which did not behn,; to ud ; upon 
 wIiichO'i>iif*n wac in a great ra^"c, calli:ij the olRcer 
 a liar, and ('.' mmdin;^ talisfnclion I'or the insult, 
 appctli'ig to tho French soldiers, am! stnlini; lliat
 
 180 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 colonel O'Brien, wlio was at Cctte, was !:is ccuiilry- 
 man, and had received him for two mouths into his 
 liouse upon parole, wliich was quite sufficient to 
 establish his being an officer. The French soldiers 
 appeared to side with O'Brien after they had 
 heard this explaiKition, staling, that no common 
 Knglifch sailor could speak such good French, and 
 that they were present when we were sent in on 
 parole. They asked the officer whether he intend- 
 ed to give satisfaction. The officer stormed, and 
 drawing his sword out of the scabbard, struck 
 O'Brien with the flat of the blade, looking at him 
 v/ilh contempt, and ordering him into the ranks. 
 1 cculd net help observing that; during this scene, 
 the men-of-war sailors who were among the prison- 
 ers were very indignant, while, en the contrary, 
 those captured in merchant vessels appeared to be 
 pleased n.t the insult offered to O'Brien. One of 
 the French soldiers then made a sarcastic remark, 
 that the French (;fficer did not much like the name 
 of O'Brien. This so enraged the officer, that he 
 llcv.' at O'Brien, pusliod him back into the ranks, 
 and taking out a pistol threatened to shoot him 
 tl'rcugh the head. I must do the justice to the 
 French soldiers, that they all cried out ' shame.' 
 They did not appear to have the same discipline, or 
 the same respect for an officer, as the soldiers have 
 in our service, or they v.ould not have been so free 
 in their language; yet at the same time, they obey- 
 ed all his orders on service very implicitly. 
 
 When O'Brien returned to the ranks, he looked 
 defiance at the officer, telling him, '• that he would 
 pocket the affront very caretuUy, as he intended to 
 bring it cut again upo;i a future and more ruitahle 
 occasion. -■' We \^ ere tiien marched cut in ranks, 
 two and two, being met at the street by two drum- 
 mers, and a crowd of people, who had gathered to 
 witness our departure. The drums heit, and away 
 we went. The officer who had chari.e of us mount
 
 PETKR SIMPLE. 181 
 
 ed a small horse, galloping up and down from one 
 end of ihe ranks to the other, with his pword drawn, 
 bullying, swearing, and striking witli the flat of the 
 blade at any one of the prisoners who w.is not in his 
 proper place. When we were close to the g.iies, 
 we were joined by another detachment of prihoneri ; 
 we were then ordered to halt, and were informed, 
 tlirough an interpreter, that any one attempting to 
 escape, would immediately be sliot, after whicli 
 information we once more proceeded on our route. 
 Nothing remarkable occurred during our first 
 day's march, e-xcept perhaps a curious conversation 
 between O'Brien and one of the French soldiers, 
 in which they disputed about the comparative brav- 
 er)' of the two nations. O'Brien, in his ar;:uinent, 
 told the Frenchman that his countrymen could not 
 stand a charge of English bayonets. The French- 
 man replied that there was no doubt but the French 
 were ijuite as brave as the English — even more so j 
 and that, as for not standing the charge of bayonets, 
 it was not because they were less brave, but the 
 fact was, they were most excessively ticklish. We 
 ha<.l black bread and sour wine served nut to ua 
 this day, wiien we halted to refresh O'Brien per- 
 suaded a soldier to purchase somethin;,' for us more 
 eatable ; but the l-'rcnch officer heard of it, and was 
 very angry, ordering the soldier to the r^ar. 
 
 CH.VPTER XX. 
 
 0'Br.«n fixht* >durl with ■ Kirnrli oflcrr, Hnd prorr* tint tlx grrat 
 ut of frnrini; ■• kiin«in|; iiiilhiiiK about iL — Wc arhre at our new 
 quarter*, wbicb we kiid »rry •rcurt. 
 
 At night, we arrived at a small town, the name 
 of which I forget. Here we were all put into an 
 old church for the night, and a very bad night we
 
 m PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 passed. They did not even give us a little straw to 
 lie down upon : the roof of the cliurch had partly 
 fallen in, and the moon shone through very bright- 
 ly. This was some comfort 5 for to have been shut 
 up in the dark, seventy-tive in number, would have 
 been very miserable. We were afraid to lie down 
 anywhere, as like all ruined buildings in France, 
 the ground was covered with filth, and the smell 
 was shocking. O'Brien was very thouglitful, and 
 would hardly answer any question that I put to him; 
 it was evident that he was brooding over the affront 
 which he had received ircm the French officer. At 
 daybreak, the door of the cimrch was again opened 
 by the French soldiers, and we were conducted to 
 the square of the town, where we found th.e troops 
 quartered, drav/n up with their officers, to receive 
 us from the detachment who had escorted us from 
 Toulon. We were very mucli pleased at this, as 
 we knew that we should be forwarded by another 
 detachment, and thus be rid of the brutal officer 
 who had hitherto had charge of the prisoners. But 
 we were rid of him in another way. As the French 
 officers walked along our ranks to look at us, I per- 
 ceived among them a captain, whom we had known 
 very intimately when living at Cette with Colonel 
 O'Brien. I cried out his name immediately ; he 
 turned round, and seeing O'Brien and mc, he came 
 up to us, and shaking us by the hand, and express- 
 ing his surprise at finding" us in such a situation. 
 O'Brien explained to him how he had been treated, 
 at which he expressed his indignation, as did the 
 other officers wiio had collected around us. The 
 major who commanded the troops in the town turn- 
 ed to the French officer (he was only a lieutenant) 
 who had conducted us from Toulon, and demanded 
 of him his reason for behaving to us in such an un- 
 worthy manner. He denied having treated us ill, 
 and said that he had been informed that we had put 
 on officers' dresses which did not belong to us. At
 
 PKTER SIMPLE. 183 
 
 this O'Brien declared that he was a liar, and a cow- 
 ardly /on/re, that he had struck him witli the back 
 of his sabre, which he had dared not have done, if 
 he had not been a prisoner; adding, that all he re- 
 quested was satisfaction for the insult offered to him, 
 and appealed to the officers whether, if it were re- 
 fused, the lieutenant's epaulets ought not to be cut 
 off his shoulders. The major commandant and the 
 officers retired to consult, and aJ\er a few minutes, 
 tliey agreed that the lieutenant was bound to give 
 the satisfaction required. The lieutenant ronlicd 
 that he was ready; but, at the same time, did not 
 appear to be very willing. The prisoners were left 
 in charge of the soldiers, under a junior oliicer. 
 while the others, accompanied by O'Brien, myself, 
 and the lieutenant, walked to a short distance out- 
 side of the town. As we proceeded tliere, I asked 
 O'Brien with what weapons they would figlit. 
 
 " I take it for granted," replied he, '• that it will 
 be with the small sword." 
 
 "But," said I, "do you know any thing about 
 fencing ?" 
 
 "Devil a bit, Feter ; but that's all in my fivor." 
 
 " How ran that bo ?'' replied I. 
 
 " I'll tell you, I'etcr. If one man fenros well, 
 and another is but an indifferent hand at it, it is clear 
 that the first will run the other through llio body ; 
 but, if the other knows nothing at all about it, why 
 then, Peter, the case is notcjulte so clear: because 
 the good fencer is almost as much puzzled by your 
 ignorance, as you are by his skill, and you become 
 on more equal terms. Now, Peter, I've made up 
 my mind that I'll run that fellow through the body, 
 and so I will, as sure as I am an O'Brien.'' 
 
 " Well, I hope you will ; but pray do not be too 
 Bure." 
 
 " It's feeling sure, that will make me able to do 
 it, Peter. By the blood of the O'BrienB ! didn't h« 
 slap me with his iword, aa if I w«rca clown in th«
 
 184 PETKR SIMPLE. 
 
 pantomime — Peter. V\\ kill the harlequin scoundrel, 
 and my word's as good as my bond." 
 
 By this time we had arrived at the ground. The 
 French lieutenant .stripped to liis sliirt a.nd trousers ; 
 O'Brien did the same, kicking his boots ofl", artd 
 standing upon the wet grass in his stockings. Tlio 
 swords were measured, and handed to them 5 ihey 
 took their distance, and set to. I must say, that I 
 was breatldess with anxiety : the idea of losing 
 O'Brien struck me with grief and terror. I tisen feU 
 the value of all his kindness to me, and would have 
 taken his place, and have been run through the body, 
 rather than he should have been hurt. At Mrst, 
 O'Brien put himself in the correct attitude of de- 
 fen'^e, in imitation of tlic licutenant.jbut this v/as 
 for a very few seconds ; he suddenly made a spring, 
 and rushed on to his adversary, stabbing at him with 
 a velocity quite astonishing, the lieutenant parrying 
 in his defence, until at last he had an opportunity 
 of lounging at O'Brien. O'Brien, who no longer 
 kept his" left arm raised in equipoise, caught the 
 sword of the lieutenant at within six inches of the 
 point, and directing it under his left arm, as he rush- 
 ed in, passed his own through the lieutenant's body. 
 It was all over in iess tlian a minute— the lieu- 
 tenant did not live half-an-hour afterwards. The 
 French otficers were very much surprised at the re- 
 sult, for they perceived at once, that O'Brien knev«' 
 nothing of fencing. O'Brien gathered a tuft of grass, 
 wiped the sword, which he presented to the otficer 
 lo whom it belonged, and tlianking the major and 
 the whole of them for their impartiality and gentle- 
 manlike conduct, led the way to the square, where 
 he again took his station in the ranks of the prison- 
 ers. 
 
 Shortly after, the major commandant came up to 
 us, and asked whether we would accept of our pa- 
 role, as, in that case, we might liavel as we pleased. 
 "We consented, with many thanks for his civility
 
 i-MTF.R Sl.Ml l-i:. \Qo 
 
 and kindness; but I could not lielj) tliinking at the 
 time, tliat the French oflicrrs were a little mortified 
 at O'Brien's success. allhouL;li tliev wore too hon- 
 orable to express tht; feelin;,'. O'lirien told me, 
 after we had quitud thc-town, tliat had it not been 
 for the handsome conduct of the olllcers, he would 
 not have accepted cur parole, as he I'elt convinced 
 tliat we could have easily made our escape. VVe 
 talked over the matter a long while, and at last 
 a{Treed that there would be a bettor chance of suc- 
 cess by-and-by. when more closely guarded, than 
 there would be now, under consideration of all 
 circumstances, as it required prcvi(iusly concerted 
 arrangements to fret out of the country. 
 
 1 had almost for_'ot to say. that on our return after 
 the duel, the cutter's midshipman called out to 
 O'Brien, requesting him to stair, to the commandant 
 that he was also an officer •, but O'Brien replied, 
 that tliere was no evidence lor it but his bare word. 
 If he was an ('fTicer, he must prove it himself, as 
 every thing in his appearance flatly contradicted his 
 assertion. 
 
 '• It's very hard," replied tlie mid»^iipman, "that 
 because my jacket's a little tarry or so, that I must 
 lose my rank.' 
 
 "My dear fellow,"' replied O'Brien, "it's not 
 becau>e vour jarkel's a little tarry; it is because, 
 what the l-'n nctiman call your /o»/ t-n'iembU' is quite 
 diSL'rarelnl in an oliicer. Look at your fare in the 
 first puddle, and you'll find that it would dirty the 
 water you look into. Look at your shoulders aboTe 
 youre;ir8, and your back with a bow like a kiiik in 
 a cable. Y<<ur trousers, sir, you have pulled your 
 legs too far tlirouL'h, showing a foot and a half ot* 
 worsted storkm-.'S. In short, look at yourself al- 
 together, and then tell me, provided you be an offi- 
 cer, whetlu-r I'rom respect to the service, it would 
 not be my duty to contradict it. It goes against my 
 conscience, my dear fellow ; but recollect that when
 
 186 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 we arrive at the dep6t, you will be able lo prove it ; 
 so it's only waiting a little while, until the captains 
 will pass their word for vou, which is more than I 
 will." 
 
 " Well, it's very hard,'' replied the midshipman, 
 "that 1 must go on eating this black rye bread 3 and 
 veiy unkind of you." 
 
 " It's very kind of me you spalpeen .»f the Snap- 
 per. Prison will be a paradise to you when you get 
 into good commons. How you'll relish your grub 
 by-and-by ! So now shut your pan, or by the tail of 
 Jonah's whale, I'll swear you're a Spaniard." 
 
 I could not help thinking that O'Brien was verr 
 severe upon the poor lad, and I expostulated with 
 him afterwards. He replied, "Peter, if, as a cutter's 
 midshipman, he is a bit of an officer, the devil a bit 
 is he of a gentleman, either born or bred ; and I'm 
 not bound to bail every blackguard-looking chap 
 that I meet. By the head of St. Peter, I would 
 blush to be seen in his company, if I were in the 
 wildest bog in Ireland, with nothing but an old 
 crow as spectator." 
 
 We were now again permitted to be on our parole, 
 and received everv* attention and kindness from the 
 different officers who commanded the detachments 
 which passed the prisoners from one town to the 
 other. In a few days we arrived at Montpellier, 
 where we had orders to remain a short time until 
 directions were received from government as to the 
 depots for prisoners to which we were to be sent. 
 At this delightful town, we had unlimited parole, 
 not even a gendarme accompanying us. We lived at 
 the table d'hote, were permitted to walk about 
 where we pleased, and amused ourse ves every 
 evening at the theatre. During our stay there, we 
 wrote to colonel O'Brien, at Cette, thanking him 
 for his kindness, and narrating what had occurred 
 since we parted. I also wrote to Celeste, enclo- 
 sing my letter unsealed in the one to colonel O'Brien.
 
 PETER SliMPLK. 187 
 
 I loUl lier the history of O'Brien's duel, and all I 
 could think would interest her ; how sorry I was to 
 iiavc parted from her; that I never would forget 
 her •, and trusted that some d.iy, as slie was only 
 half a Frenchwoman, that we should meet again. 
 Before we Iclt Montpellier, we had the pleasure of 
 receiving answers to our letters: the colonel's let- 
 ters were very kind, particularly the one to me. 
 in wliich he called me his dear boy, and hoped 
 that 1 should soon rejoin mv friends, and prove an 
 ornament to my countr>'. In his letter to O'Brien, 
 he re<juested him not to run me into useless danger 
 — to recollect that I was not so old or so powerful 
 in frame as lie was, and not so well able to undergo 
 extreme hardship. I have no doubt but that this 
 caution referred to O'Brien's intention to escape 
 from prison, wliich he had not concealed from tne 
 colonel, and the prolKiliility that I would be a part- 
 ner in the attempt. The answer from Celeste was 
 written in English •, but she must have had assist- 
 ance from her father, or she could not have suc- 
 ceeded so well. It was like herself, very kind and 
 affectionate ; and also enih^d with wishing me a 
 Bpeedy return to my friends, who must (she said) 
 be so fond of me, that she despaired of ever seeing 
 me more, but that she consoled herself as well as 
 ehc could with the assurance that I should be hap- 
 
 riv. I for^'ot to say, that colonel O'Brien, in his 
 etter to me, stated that he expected immediate 
 orders to leave Cette, and take the command 
 of some military post in tljo interior, or join the 
 armv, but which, he could not tell; that they had 
 packed uj* every thing, and he was afraid that our 
 correspondence must cease, as he could not state 
 to what place we should direct our letter*. I could 
 not help thinking at the time, that it waa a deli- 
 cate way of pointing out to us, that it was not right 
 that he should correspond with us in our relative 
 situations ; but still. I wii.s sure tliat he was al>out to
 
 188 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 leave Cette, for he never would have made use of 
 a subterfuge. 
 
 I must here acquaint the reader with a circum- 
 Btance, which I forgot to mention, which, was that 
 when captain Savage sent in a flag of truce with our 
 clothes and money, I thought that it was but jus- 
 tice to O'Brien that they should know on board of 
 the frigate the gallant manner in which he had be- 
 haved. I knew that he never would tell himself, 
 so, ill as I was at the time, I sent for colonel O'Bri- 
 en, and requested him to wTite down my statement 
 of the affair, in which I mentioned howO'Brien had 
 spiked the last gun, and had been taken prisoner, by 
 so doing, together with his attempting to save me. 
 When the colonel had written all down, 1 request- 
 ed that he would send for the major, who first en- 
 tered the fort with the troops, and translate it to 
 him in French. This he did in my presence, and 
 the major declared every word to be true. " Will 
 he attest it. colonel, as it may be of great service 
 to O'Brien V The major immediately assented. 
 Colonel O'Brien then enclosed my letter, with a 
 short note from himself to captain Savage, paying 
 him a compliment, and assuring him that his gal- 
 lant voung officers should be treated with every at- 
 tention, and all the kindness which the rules of 
 war would admit of O'Brien never knew that I 
 had sent that letter, as the colonel, at my request, 
 kept the secret. 
 
 In ten days we received an order to march on 
 the following morning. The sailors, among whom 
 ■was our poor friend the midshipman of the Snap- 
 
 fer cutter, were ordered to Verdun ; O'Brien and 
 , with eight masters of merchant vessels, who 
 joined us at Montpellier, were directed by the go- 
 vernment to be sent to Givet, a fortified town in the 
 deoartment of Ardennes. But, at the same time, 
 oraers arrived from government to treat the prison- 
 ers with great strictness, and not to allow a.ny pa-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 189 
 
 role; the reason of this, we were iiiformotl, was, 
 that accounts had been sent to government of the 
 death of tlie French officer in the duel with O'Bri- 
 en, and they had expressed their dissatisfaction at 
 its having been permitted. Indeed, I very much 
 doubt whether it would have been permitted in our 
 country, but the PVench officers are almost roman- 
 tically chivalrous in their ideas of lionor j in fact, 
 as enemies, i have always considered them as wor- 
 thy antagonists to the English, and they apjjcar 
 more respectable in themselves, and more demand- 
 ing our good-will in that situation, than they do 
 when we meet them as friends, and are acquainted 
 with the other points in their character, which les- 
 sen them in our estimation. 
 
 I shall not dwell upon a march of three weeks, 
 during which wo alternately received kind or un- 
 handsome treatment, accortiing to the dispositions 
 of those who had us in charge ; but I must observe, 
 tliat it was invariably the case, that officers who 
 were gentlemen by birth treated us with considera- 
 tion, while those who had sprung from nothing dur- 
 ing the revolution were harKh, and sometimes even 
 brut;d. It was exactly four months from the time 
 of our capture, that we arrived at our destined 
 prison at Givct. 
 
 " Peter." said OBrien, as he looked hastily at 
 the fortifications, and the river which divided the 
 two towns, " I sec no reason, either English or 
 French, that we should not eat our Christinas din- 
 ner in England. I've a bird's eve view of the out- 
 side, and now, have only to finJ out whercaboulH 
 we may be in the inside." 
 
 I must say that, when I looked at ditches and 
 high mmparts, that I had a dilferenl opinion ; so 
 had a gendarme uho w.-us walking by our side, and 
 who had obFcrved O'Brit.n's scrutiny, and v.ho (jui- 
 etly said to him in I'rcneh, " l'oi« le croycz poan-
 
 190 PETKR SIMPLE. 
 
 " Every thing is possible to a brave man — the 
 French aimies have proved that." answered O'Bri- 
 en. 
 
 '•' Vou are right/'' replied the gendarme, pleased 
 with the compliment to his nation; ''I wish you 
 
 succes-", you will deserve it ; but "' and he shook. 
 
 his head. 
 
 " If I could but obtain a plan of the fortress," 
 said O'Brien, •' I would give five TSapoleons for 
 one.'' and he looked at the gendarme. 
 
 '• 1 cannot see any objection to an olncer. although 
 a prisoner, studying fortification," replied the gen- 
 darme. " In two hours you will be within the walls 3 
 and now I recollect, in the map of the two touiis, 
 the fortress is laid down sufliciently accurately to 
 give you an idea of it. But we have conversed too 
 Tong." So saying, the gendarme dropped into the 
 rear. 
 
 In a quarter of an hour, we arrived at the Place 
 d'Armes, where we were met, as usual, with anoth- 
 er detachment of troops, and drummers, who par- 
 aded us through the town previous to our being 
 drawn up beibre the governor's house. This, 1 
 oujht to have observed, was by order of govern- 
 ment done at every town we passed through ; it was 
 very contemptible, but prisoners were so scarce, 
 that they made all the display of us that they could. 
 As we stopped at the governor's house, the gen- 
 darme, who had left us in the square, made a sign to 
 O'Brien, as much as to say, I have it. O'Brien took 
 out five Xapoleons, which he wrapped in paper and 
 held in liis hand. In a minute or two, the gendarme 
 came up and presented O'Brien with an eld silk 
 handkerchief, saying, - \'otre morichoir, 7/icn-ricwr." 
 
 " il/erci,'' replied O'Brien, putting the handker- 
 chief which contained the map into his pocket, 
 •' void a boire mon ami ;" and he slipped the paper 
 with the five Napoleons into the hand of the gen- 
 darme, who immediately retreated.
 
 PKTER SIMPLE. 191 
 
 Tliis waa very fortunate for us, as we afterwards 
 discovered that a mark had been put ai^ainst O'Bri- 
 en's and my name, not to allow parole or permis- 
 sion to leave the fortress, even under surveillance. 
 Indeed, even if it had not been so, we never should 
 have obtained it, as the lieutenant killed by O'Bri- 
 en was nearly related to the commandant of the 
 fortress, who was as much a mauvais mijet as his 
 kinsman. Having waited the usual hour before the 
 governor's house, to answer to our muster roll, and 
 to be stared at. we were dis;nisscd ; and in a few 
 minutes, found ourselves shut up in one of tlie 
 strongest fortresses in F' ranee. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 O'Brirn receiTea bia commiMion m lieulrnanl.anJ Uieii we tilt Frrnch 
 leave of GiveL 
 
 Ik I doubled the practicability of escape when I 
 examined the exterior, when we were ushered into 
 the exlerit)r of the fortress I felt that it was impos- 
 sible, and I stated my opinion to O'Brien. We were 
 conducted into a yard burrouiidcd by a hi;jh wall ; 
 the buildings appropriated for tiie'prisoners were 
 built with lean-to roofs on one side, and at each 
 side of the square waa a m-ntry looking down upon 
 us. It wa.s very much like the dens whicli they 
 now build for bears, otdy so much larger. O'Brien 
 answered nie with a •' Pish I Peter, it's the very fc- 
 curity of the place which will enable us to get out 
 of it. But don't talk, as there! are always spies 
 about who understand English." 
 
 We were shown into a raom allotted to six of 
 us J our baggage wn» examined and tlicn delivered
 
 192 rETER SIxMPLE. 
 
 over to us. •' Better and better, Peter/' observed 
 O'Brien, '• they've not found it cut 1" 
 
 ••' Wiial ?'" inquired I. 
 
 '• O, only a iittle selection of articles, which 
 might be useful to us by-and-by.'"' 
 
 He then showed me what I never before was 
 awaj-e of; that he had a false bottom to his trunk, 
 but it was papered over like the rest, and very in- 
 geniously concealed. •' And what is there, O'Bri- 
 en ?'' inquired 1. 
 
 '• ?sever mind ; I had them made at Montpellier. 
 You'll see by-and-by.'' 
 
 The others who were lodged in the same room, 
 then came in, and after staying a quarter of an hour, 
 went away at the sound of the dinner-bell. " JN'ow. 
 Peter," said O'Brien, '• I must get rid of my load 
 Turn the key.'' 
 
 O'Brien then undressed himself, and when he 
 threw off his shirt and drawers, showed me a rope 
 of silk, with a knot at every two feet, about half 
 an inch in size, wound round and round his body. 
 There was about sixty feet of it altogetiicr. As I 
 unwound it, he. turning round and round, observed, 
 '• Peter, I've worn this rope ever since 1 left Mont- 
 pellier, and you've no idea of the pain I have suf- 
 fered ; but we must go to England, that's decided 
 upon." 
 
 When I looked at O'Brien, as the rope was 
 vvcund off, I could easily imagine that he had really 
 been in great pain 3 in several places J;is ftesh was 
 quite raw from the continual friction, and alter it 
 was all unwound, and l.e liad put on his clothes, he 
 fainted away. 1 was very much alarmed, but 1 re- 
 collected to put the rope into the trunk and take 
 out tl:e key, before 1 called for assistance. He 
 soon came to, and en being asked what was the 
 matter, said that he was subject to fits from his in- 
 fancy. He looked earnestly at me, and I showed 
 him tl.e kcv, which was sufficient.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 19S 
 
 For some days O'Brien, who really was not very 
 well, kept to his room. During this time, he often 
 examined the map given him by the gendarme. 
 One day he said to me, " Peter, can vou swim V 
 
 '• i\o," replied 1 ; "but never mind that." 
 
 '• But 1 must mind it, Peter, for observe, we shall 
 have to cross the river Meuse, and boats are not 
 always to be had. You observe, that this f'>rtress 
 is wa:jhed by the river on one side : and as ii is the 
 ttroui^estside, it is the least guarded — we must es- 
 cape l)y it. I can sec my way clear enough till we 
 gel to the second rampart on the river, but when 
 we drop into the river, if you cannot swim, I must 
 contrive to hold you up, somehow or another.'' 
 
 '• .Vre you then determined to escape, O'Brien? 
 I cannot perceive how we are even to get up this 
 wall with four sentries sUirin"; us in the lace." 
 
 " Never do you mind tliat, Peter, mind your own 
 business ; and first tell me, do you intend to try 
 your luck with me ?"' 
 
 " Yes," replied I, *• most certainly : if you have 
 sufficient confidence in me to take me as your 
 companion." 
 
 " To tell you the truth, Peter, I would not give 
 a farthing to escape without you. We were talken 
 together, and pk-a-seCJod we'll take ourselves off 
 togetlier ; but that must not be for this month ; our 
 greatest help will be tlie dark nights and foul 
 weatlicr." 
 
 The prison w.xs by ;ill accounts very dilferent from 
 Verdun and Kome others. We had no p:ir(»le. and 
 but little communication with the towns jicuple. 
 Some were permitt«'d to rorno in and supply us 
 with various articles ; but their baskets were search- 
 ed, to see that they contained nothing that might 
 lead to an escape on the part of the prisonem. 
 Without the precautions that O'Brien had taken, 
 any attempt would have l)een useletis. Still, O'Bri- 
 •n, la ioon »■ he lert his room, did obtain seversJ 
 
 vol I J. 5
 
 194 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 little articles — especially balls of twine — for one of 
 the amusements of the prisoners was flying kites. 
 This'.liowever.was out a stop to, in consequence of one 
 of tlie strings.whether purposely or not, I cannot say, 
 catching the lock of tiie musket carried by one of 
 the sentries, who looked dow n upon us, and twitch- 
 mg it out of his hand ; after which an order was 
 given by the commandant for no kites to be per- 
 mitted. This was fortunate for us, as O'Brien, by 
 degrees, purchased all the twine belonging to the 
 other prisoners; and, as we were more than three 
 hundred in number, it amounted to sufficient to en- 
 able him, by stealth, to lay it up into very strong 
 cord, or rather, into a sort of square plait, known 
 only to sailors. '' Now, Peter,'" said lie one day, 
 '•■ I want nothing more than an umbrella for you." 
 
 " Why an umbrella for me '.'" 
 
 " To keep you from being drowned with too 
 much water, that's all." 
 
 " Rain won't drown me."' 
 
 "Ko, no, Peter; but buy a new one as soon as 
 you can." 
 
 I did so. O'Brien boiled up a quantity of bees' 
 wax and oil. and gave it several coats of this pre- 
 paration. He then put it carefully away in the tick- 
 ing of his bed. I asked him whetlier he intended 
 to make known his plan to any of the other prison- 
 ers ; he replied in tiie negative, saying, that there 
 were so manv of them who could not be trusted, 
 that he would trust no one. We had been now 
 about two months in Givet, when a Steel's List was 
 sent to a lieutenant, who was confined there. The 
 lieutenant came up to O'Brien, and asked him his 
 Christian name, '• Terence, to be sure," replied 
 O'Brien. 
 
 " Then," answered the lieutenant, " 1 may con- 
 gratulate you on your promotion, for here you are 
 upon the list of .\ugust.''' 
 
 '• Suro there must be some trifling mistake ; let
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 195 
 
 tne look at it. Terence O'Brien sure enough ; 
 but now the question is. has any other fellow rob- 
 bed mc of my name and promotion at the same 
 time ? Brother, wliat can it mane ? I won't be- 
 lavc it — not a word of it. I've no more interest 
 than a dop who drags cat's meat." 
 
 "Really, O'Brien,'' observed I, "[ cannot see 
 « liy you should not be made ; 1 am sure you de- 
 serve your promotion for your conduct when you 
 wi re tAkon prisoner." 
 
 '■ And pray what did I do then, you simple Peter, 
 but nut you on my back as the men do their ham- 
 mocKs when ihey are piped down ; but, barring all 
 claim, how could any one know what took place 
 in the battery, except you, and I, and the armorer, 
 who lav dead ? So explain that, Peter, if you can." 
 
 " I think I can," replied I, after the lieutenant 
 ■rid left us. And I then told O'Brien how I had 
 \\rittrn to captain .Savage, and had had the fact at- 
 !tsted bv the major who had made us prisoners. 
 
 " Well, Peter," said O'Brien, after a pause, 
 " there is a fable about a lion and a mouse. If, by 
 your means I have obtained my promotion, why, 
 then, the mouse is a finer Imste than the lion ; but 
 instead of btinir happy, I shall now l)e "iiiserable 
 until the truth is a.«certained one way or the other, 
 and that's an«)ther reason wliy I must set off to Eng- 
 land as fast as I can." 
 
 Kit a few days after tliis O'Brien was very un- 
 easy, but fortunately letters arrived by that time ; 
 one to me from my father, in which he rfciuested 
 me to draw for whatever money I might require, 
 saying that the whole family w«.uld retrench in ev- 
 ery w.iy to give me all the comfort which might be 
 oblained in my unfortunate situation. I went at 
 his kindtie^fl. r.iid more than ever longed to throw 
 royeelf into his arn>s.and thank him. He also told 
 me that my uncle William wa* dead, and that there 
 wac cnlv one hctvem him and the title, but that
 
 19G PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 my grandfather was in good health, and had been 
 very kind to him lately, JNIy mother was much af- 
 flicted at my having been made a prisoner, and re- 
 quested that I would write as often as I could. 
 O'Brien's letter was from captain Savage ; the 
 frigate had been sent home with despatches, 
 and O'Brien's conduct represented to the Admiral- 
 tN,wliicli had, in consequence, promoted him to 
 trie rank of lieutenant. O'Brien came to me with 
 the letter, his countenance radiant with joy as he 
 put it into my hands. In return I put mine in his, 
 and he read it over. 
 
 " Peter, my boy. I'm under great obligations to 
 you. When you were wounded and feverish, you 
 thought of me at a time when you had quite enough 
 to think of yourself j but I never thank in words. 
 I see your uncle William is dead. How many more 
 uncles have you ?'' 
 
 " My uncle John, who is married, and has al- 
 ready two daughters." 
 
 " Blessings on him ; may he stick to the female 
 line of business I Peter, my boy, you shall be a 
 lord before you die." 
 
 " iSonsense, O'Brien ; 1 have no chance. Don't 
 put such foolish ideas in my head.' 
 
 '•' What chance had 1 of being a lieutenant, and 
 am I not one ? Well, Peter, you've helped to 
 make a lieutenant of me. but I'll make a 7nan of 
 you, and that's better. Peter, I perceive, with all 
 your simplicity, that you are not over and above 
 simple, and tl?at, witli all your asking for advice, 
 vou can tliink and actforyoursclf on an emergency. 
 "Sow, Peter, these arc talents that must not be 
 thrown av.ay in this cursed hole, and therefore, my 
 boy, prcp-'.re yourself to quit this place in a week, 
 wind and weather permitting — that is to say, not 
 fair wind and weather, but the fouler the better. 
 Will ycu be ready at any hour cf any night that I 
 call viui r-i ?''
 
 PETEU SIMl'LK. 197 
 
 " Yes. O'Brien, I will and do mv best.' 
 
 " No man can do much more, that ever I heard 
 of. But, I'eter, do me one favor ; as I really am 
 a lieutenant, just touch your hat to me only once, 
 that's all : but I wiwh the compliment, just to see 
 how it looks." 
 
 " Lieutenant O'Brien,'' said I, touching my hat, 
 " have you any further orders ?'" 
 
 " Yes. sir,''^ replied he ; " that you never pre- 
 sume to touch your hat to me again, unless we sail 
 together, and then that's a ditferenl sort of thing." 
 
 About a week afterwards, O'Brien came to me, 
 and said, "The new moon's quartered in with foul 
 weather J if it holds, prepare for a start. 1 have 
 put what is necessary m your little haversack ; it 
 may be to-night. Go to bed now, and sleep for a 
 week if you can, for you'll get -but little sleep, if 
 we succeed, for the week to come." 
 
 This was about eight o'clock. 1 went to bed, 
 and about twelve I was roused by O'Brien, who 
 told me to dress myself carefully, and come down 
 to him in the yard. I did so witliout disturbing any 
 body, and found the night as dark as pilch, (it was 
 then iNovcmlx'r.) and raining in torrents ; the wind 
 waa high, howling round the yard, and sweeping in 
 the rain in every direction as it eddied to and fro. 
 It was some tune Iwfore 1 could find O'Brien, who 
 waa hard at work ; and, as I had already been made 
 acquainti-d witli all his plans, 1 will now e.xjtlain 
 them. .\t Montpellicr he had procured si.x large 
 pieces of iron, about eighteen inches long, with a 
 gimlet at one end of each, and a square at the oth- 
 er, whifh fitted to a handle wliirh un8hip|>ed. For 
 precaution, he had a spare handle, Inil each handle 
 fitted to all the irons. O'Brien had screwed one of 
 thew; pieces of iron l>etween the interstices of the 
 stones of whu-li the wall was built, and sitting as- 
 tride on tliat. w;us fixing anotlier about three feet 
 ilmvo. When he had accomplished this, he stood
 
 198 PETER SIMPLE, 
 
 upon the lower iron, and supporting himself by the 
 second, which about met his hip. he screwed in a 
 third, always l.xing them about six inches on one 
 side of the other, and not one above the other. 
 When he had screwed in his six irons, he was about 
 half up the wall, and then he fastened his rope, 
 which he had carried round his neck, to the upper 
 iron, and lowering himself down unscrewed the 
 four lower irons ; then ascending by the rope, he 
 stood upon the fiftli iron, and supporting himself by 
 the upper iron, recommenced his task. By these 
 means he arrived in the course of an hour and a 
 half to the top of the wall, where he fixed his last 
 iron, and making his rope fast he came down again. 
 "jNow, Peter,'" said he, '-there is no fear of the 
 sentries seeing us ; if they had the eyes of cats, 
 they could not until we are on the top of the wall ; 
 but then we arrive at the glacis, and we must creep 
 to the ramparts on our bellies. I am going up with 
 all the materials. Give me your haversack — you 
 will go up lighter ; and recollect, should any acci- 
 dent happen to me, you run to bed again. If, on 
 the contrary, I pull tlie rope up and down three or 
 four times, you may sheer up it as fast as you can." 
 O'Brien then loaded himself with the other rope, 
 the two knapsacks, iron crows, and other imple- 
 ments he had procured; and, last of all, with the 
 umbrella. " I'eter, if the rope bears me with all 
 this, it is clear it will bear such a creature as you 
 are, tiierefore dont be a!raid."'" So whispering he 
 comuiejced his ascent j in about three minutes he 
 was up, and the rope pulled. I immediately fol- 
 lowed him, and found ihe rope very easy to climb, 
 from tlie knots at every two feet, which gave me a 
 hold for my feet, and 1 was up in as short a time as 
 he was. He caught me by the collar, putting his 
 wet hand on my mouth, and I lay down beside him 
 while he pulled up the rope. We then crawled on 
 our stomachs across tlic glacis till we arrived at the
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 199 
 
 rampart. The wind blew tremendously, and th« 
 rain pattered down so fast, that the sentries did not 
 perceive us-, indeed, it was no fault of tJieirs, for 
 It W3ji iinpo.-sibie to have mide us out. it was 
 some time before O'Brien could find out the point 
 exactly above the drawbridge of the first ditch ; at 
 last he did — he fixed his crow-I)ar in, and lowered 
 down the rope. '• .Nov. , Fetrr. 1 had better go first 
 a:rain ; when I shake the rope from below, all'a 
 ri_'ht.*' O'Brien descended, and in a few luinutce 
 the rope airain shook ; 1 followed him, and found 
 myself received in lis arms upon the meeting of 
 ih.e drawbridic, but the drawbridge itself was up. 
 O'Brien led the way across the chains, and I fol- 
 lowed him. When wc had croi;sed the moat, we 
 found a barrier -cate locked; this puzzled us. 
 Q^Brien pulled out his picklocks to pick it,but witli- 
 O'lt success •, here wc were fast. " \Ve must under- 
 mine the c^^lc, O'Brien ; we must pull up the pave- 
 ment until we can creep under." '• Peter, you are 
 a fine fellow ; I never thought of tfiat." We work- 
 ed very hard until the hole was large enough, using 
 the crow-lnr which was left, and a little wrench 
 which OBricn had witii him. By these means wo 
 fzot under llie gate in the course of an hour or more. 
 Tlii.s gale I'.mI to the lower rampart, but wc had a 
 covered way to pa^^s through before we arrived at it. 
 Wc pro.-ccdi'J very cautiou.«ly, when we heard a 
 noise : we stopped, and fcund'that it w.as a sentry, 
 who was fa.st a>l(;ep, and enoring. Little expecting; 
 to find one here, v.e were puzzled ; pass him we 
 could not well, as he was stationed on the very spot 
 where wc rtqiiired to place our crow-bar to descend 
 the lower nmpart into tho river. 0'Bri«'n thought 
 for a miinient. " Peter," said I c, " now is the tim« 
 for you to prove yours-clf a man. Ilo is fast a.'^lccp, 
 but his noi.se must be stopped. I will stop hia 
 mouth, but at the vcrj- moment that I do bo you 
 must thro-w' c^en tlic pan ofhn mufket, and tli«n h«
 
 200 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 cannot fire it." '• I will, O'Brien ; don't fear me." 
 We crept cautiously up to him, and O'Brien mo- 
 tioning to me to put my thumb upon the pan. I did 
 so, aiu' the moment that O'Brien put his hand upon 
 the soldier's mouth, I threw open the pan. The 
 fellow struggled, and snapped his lock as a signal, 
 l,ut of course without discharging his musket, and 
 in a minute he was not only gagged but bound by 
 O'Brien, with my assistance. Leaving him there, 
 we proceeded to the rampart, and fixing the crow- 
 bar again, O'Brien descended ; I followed him, and 
 found him in the river hanging on to the rope ; the 
 umbrella was open and turned upwards, the prepar- 
 ation made it resist the water, and, as previously 
 explained to me by O'Brien, I had only to hold on 
 at arms' length to two beckets which he had affixed 
 to the point of the umbrella, which v.as under wa- 
 ter. To the same part O'Brien had a low-line, 
 which taking in his teeth, he towed me down with 
 the stream to about a hundred yards clear of the 
 fortress, where we landed. O'Brien was so exhaus- 
 ted that for a few minutes he remained quite mo- 
 tionless ; I also was benumbed w ith the cold. 
 •' Peter," said he, " thank God we have succeeded 
 60 far ; now must we push on as far as we can, for 
 we shall have daylight in two hours." 
 
 O'Brien took out his flask of spirits, and we both 
 drank a half tumbler at least, but we should not, 
 in our state, have been affected with a bottle. W'e 
 now walked along the river-side till we fell in with a 
 small craft, with a boat towing astern ; O'Brien 
 swam to it. and cutting the painter without getting 
 iu, towed it on shore. The oars were fortunately 
 in the boat. I got iu, we shoved off, and rowed 
 away down the stream till the dawn of day. '"All's 
 right, Peter ; now we'll land. This is tlie forest of 
 .\rdennes.'' We landed, replaced the oars in the 
 boat, and pushed her off into the stream, to induce 
 people to suppose that she had broken adrifl, and
 
 I'ETFR SIMPLE. 201 
 
 llien hastened into llie thickest of the wood. It 
 Etill rained hard ; I 6hi\ered, and my teeth chat- 
 tered witli the cold, but there was no help for it. 
 NVc a^rain look a dram of spirits, and. worn out 
 witli fatigue and excitement, soon fell fast asleep 
 upon a bed of leaves w hich we had collected to- 
 gether. 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 Onvr roBtrautnce* '<( emvilatiin— O'Brien rnliiit* liiinieir ai » gtn- 
 d^ruir, MiiJ lakrt cliMrgr of ni«— We are disccvertd and ot J^i^ lo 
 ruu for il — Tlie plc'icures o( a winter bivouac. 
 
 It was not until noon that I awoke, when I found 
 that O'Brien had covered me more than a foot deep 
 with leaves, to protect me from the weather. I 
 felt quite wann and comfortable ; my clothes had 
 dried on me, but without pivin" me cold. "How- 
 very kind of you, O'Brien!" said I. 
 
 " Not a bit, Peter ; you have hard work to go 
 through yet, and I must take care of you. You're 
 but a bud, and I'm a full blown rose. So sayinp, 
 he put the spirit flask to his mouth, and then hand- 
 ed It tome. " ISow, Peter, we must make a start, 
 for depend upon it, they will scour the country for 
 us ; but this is a large wood, and they may as well 
 attempt to find a needle in a bundle of hay, if we 
 once get into the heart of it." 
 
 " 1 think," said I, " that this forest is mentioned 
 by Shaks[>eare in one of his plays." 
 
 "Very likely, Peter," repliedO'Brien : " but we 
 are at no play-work now -, and what reads amazing 
 prettily is no joke in reality. Pve often ob8<;rved, 
 that your writers never take the weather into con- 
 Kideration."
 
 2Q2 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 '*I beg your pardon, O'Brien 5 in King Lear the 
 weather is tremendous." 
 
 ^' Very likely ; but who was the king that went 
 out in such weather ?*' 
 
 "King Lear did, when he was mad.*' 
 
 " So he was, that's certain, Peter; but runaway 
 prisoners have some excuse ; so now for a start." 
 
 We set off, forcing our way through the thicket, 
 for about three hours, O'Brien looking occasionally 
 at his pocket compass ; it then was again nearly 
 dark, and O'Brien proposed a halt. We made up a 
 bed of leaves for the night, and slept much more 
 comfortably than we had the night before. All our 
 bread was wet, but as we had no water, it was ra- 
 ther a relief 3 the meat we had with us was suffi- 
 cient for a week. Once more we laid down and 
 fell fast asleep. About five o'clock in the morning 
 I was aroused by O'Brien, who at the same time put 
 his hand gently over my mouth. I sat up, and per- 
 ceived a large fire not far from us. " The Philis- 
 tines are upon us, Peter," said he ; "I have recon- 
 noitred, and they are the gendarmes. I'm fearful 
 of going away, as we may stumble upon some more 
 of tliem. I've been thinking what's best before I 
 waked you ; and it appears to me, that we had bet- 
 ter get'up the tree and lie there." 
 
 At that time we were hidden in a copse of un- 
 derwood, with a large oak in the centre, covered 
 with ivy. '• I think so too, O'Brien 3 shall we go 
 up now, or wait a little ?" 
 
 " Now, to be sure, tliat they are eating their prog. 
 Blount you, Peter, and I'll help you." 
 
 O'Brien shoved me up the tree, and then waiting 
 a little while to bury our haversacks among the 
 leaves, he followed me. He desired me to remain 
 in a very snug position, on the first fork of the tree, 
 while he took another, amongst a bunch of ivy, 
 on the largest bough. There we remained for about 
 an hour, when dav dawned. We observed the
 
 PETKR SlMl'LE. 203 
 
 gendarmes mustered at the break of dav, by the 
 corporal, and then they all separated iii different 
 directions, to scour the wood. We were delighted 
 to perceive tliis, as we hoped soon to be able to get 
 away ; but there was one gendarme who remained. 
 He walked to and fro, looking everywhere, until he 
 came directly under the tree in which we were 
 concealed. He poked about, until at last he came 
 to the bed of leaves upon which we had slept -, these 
 he turned over and over with his bayonet, until he 
 routed out our haversacks. " Pardi," exclaimed he, 
 " where the nest and eggs are, the birds are near.'' 
 He then walked round the tree, looking up into ev- 
 ery part, but we were well concealed, and he did not 
 discover us for some time. At last he saw me, and 
 ordered me to come down. I paid no attention to 
 him, as I had no signal from O'Brien. Ho walked 
 round a little further, until he was directly under 
 the branch on which O'Brien lay. Taking up this 
 position, he had a fairer aim at me, and levelled 
 nis musket, saying, '' JJesceiidez, otije tire." Still I 
 continued immoveable, for I knew not what to do. 
 I shut my eye.s, however ; the musket shortly after- 
 wards was discharged, and whetlier from fear or 
 not, I can hardly tell, 1 lost my hold of a sudden, 
 and down 1 came. I was stunned with the fall, 
 and thought I must have been wounded, and was 
 verv much suqirised, when, instead of the-gendarme, 
 O'Brien came up to me, and a.sked whetlier I was 
 hurt. I answered. I believe not, and got upon my 
 legs, when I found the gciuiarnH' Ivingon the ground, 
 breathinir heavily, but iMsonsil)le. \N'li«>n O'Brien 
 perceivcrd the gendarme level his musket at nie lie 
 immediately dropped from the bough, right ufKin 
 his head; this occasioned the musket to go ofT, 
 without hittmg me, and at the same time, the weight 
 of O'Brien's body from such a height killed the 
 gendarme, for he expir<'d before we left him. " Now, 
 Peter,'' said O'Brien, " this is the most fortunate
 
 2(>i PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 thing in the world, and will take us half through 
 the country ; but we have no time to lose." He 
 then stripped the gendarme, who still breathed hea- 
 vily, and dragged him to our bed of leaves, covered 
 him up, threw off his own clothes, which he tied 
 up in a bundle, and gave to me to carry, and put on 
 those of the gendarme. 1 could not help laughing 
 at the metamorphosis, and asked O'Brien what he 
 intended •• Sure, I'm a gendarme, bringing with 
 me a prisoner, who has escaped. " He then tied 
 my hands wi.h a cord, shouldered his musket, and 
 olf we set. VV^e now quitted the wood as soon as 
 we could, for O'Brien said that he had no fear for 
 the next ten days ; and so it proved. We had one 
 difficulty, which was that we were going the wrong 
 way ; but that was obviated by travelling mostly at 
 night, when no questions were asked, e.xcept at the 
 cabarets where we lodged, and they did not knjow 
 which way we came. When we stopped at night, 
 my youth excited a great deal of commiseration, 
 especially from the females ; and in one instance 1 
 was offered assistance to escape. I consented to 
 it. but at the same time informed O'Brien of the 
 plan proposed. O'Brien kept watch — I dressed 
 myself, and was at the open window, VN-lien he rush- 
 ed m, seizing me, and declaring that he would in- 
 form the government of the conduct of the parties. 
 Their confusion and distress was very great. They 
 offered O'Brien twenty, thirty, fort^- jNapoleons, if he 
 would hush it up, for they were aware of the penalty 
 and imprisonment. O'Brien replied that he would 
 not accept of any money in compromise of his 
 duty, that after he had given me into the charge 
 of the gendarme of the next post, his business waa 
 at an end, and he must return to Flushing, where 
 he was stationed. 
 
 " I have a sister there,"' replied the hostess, -who 
 keeps an inn. You'll want good quarters, and a 
 friendly cup ; do not denounce us_, and I'll give you
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 205 
 
 a letter to her, which, if it docs not prove of ser- 
 vice, you can then return and ^ivc the information." 
 
 O'Brien consented ; the letter was delivered and 
 read to him. in which the sister was requested, by 
 tlie love she bore to the writer, to do all she could 
 for the bearer, who had tlie power of making the 
 whole family miserable, but had refused so to do. 
 O'Brien pocketed the letter, filled his brandy-flask, 
 and silutinp all the women, left the cabaret, drag- 
 ging me after him with a cord. The only differ- 
 ence, as O'Brien observed after he went out, was, 
 that he (O'Brien) kissed all the women, and all the 
 women kissed me. In this way. we had proceeded 
 by Charleroy and Lnuvain, and were within a few 
 miles of Malirt^, when a circumstance occurred 
 which embarrassed us not a little. We were fol- 
 lowing our route, avoiding Malines, which was a 
 fortified town, and at the time were in a narrow 
 lane, with wide ditches, full of water on each side. 
 At the turning of a sharp corner, we met the gend- 
 arme who had supplied O'Brien with the map of 
 the town of Givet. "Good morning, comrjule," 
 said he to O'Brien, looking earnestly at him, " who 
 have we here ?" 
 
 •' .\ young Englishman, whom I picked up close 
 by. escaped from prison." 
 
 " Where from ?'' 
 
 " He will not say ; but I suspect from (iivet." 
 
 " There are two who have escaped from Givet," re- 
 
 Elied he ; '• how they escaped, no one can imagine ; 
 ut," continued he, again looking at O'Brien, " avec 
 Un braves il n'y a rien d' impossible." 
 
 '' Tiiat is true," replied O'Brien ; " I have taken 
 one, the other cannot be far off. You had better 
 look for him." 
 
 " 1 sI:oul(l like to find him,"' replied the gendarme, 
 "for you know that to retake a runaway priuoner 
 il certain promotion. You will be made a corpo 
 ral."
 
 206 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 '• So much the better/' replied O'Brien, •'•' adieu, 
 mon ami." 
 
 •' jNay, I merely came for a walk, and will re- 
 turn with you to Malines, where of course you are 
 bound.'"' 
 
 " We shall not get there to-night/' said O'Brien, 
 '•' my prisoner is too much fatigued." 
 
 " Well, then, we will go as far as we can ; and I 
 will assist you. Perhaps we may find the second, 
 who, I understand, obtained a map of the fortress 
 by some means or another." 
 
 We at once perceived that we were discovered ; 
 he afterwards told us that the body of a gendarme 
 had been found in the wood, no' doubt murdered 
 by the prisoners, and that the body was stripped 
 naked. '^ 1 wonder," continued he, '•' whether one 
 of the prisoners put on his clothes, and passed as a 
 gendarme." 
 
 " Peter," said O'Brien, " are we to murder this 
 man or not ?" 
 
 •• I should say not ; pretend to trust him and then 
 we may give him the slip." This was said during 
 the time that the gendarme stopped a moment be- 
 hind us. 
 
 " Well, we'll try ; but first I'll put him off his 
 guard." W^hen the gendarme came up with us, 
 O'Brien obser\'ed, that the F^nglish prisoners were 
 very liberal ; that he knew that a hundred Napole- 
 ons were often paid for assistance, and he thoight 
 that no corporal's rank was equal to a sum that 
 would in France make a man happy and indepen- 
 dent for life." 
 
 ♦'•■ Very true," replied the gendarme, " and let mo 
 only look upon that sum, and I will guarantee a 
 positive safety out of France." 
 
 " Then we understand each other," replied O'- 
 Brien ; *' this boy will give two hundred — one half 
 shall be yours, if you will assist." 
 
 '• I will think of it." replied the gend.irme, who
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 207 
 
 then talked about indifferent subjects, until we ar- 
 rived at a small town called Acarchot, where we 
 ♦proceeded to a cabaret. The usual curiosity pass- 
 ed over, we were let'l alone, O'Brien telling the 
 gendarme that he would expect his reply that ni;^ht 
 o- to-morrow mornin^i. The gendarme said to- 
 morrow morning. O'Brien requesting him to take 
 charge of mc, he called the woman of the cabaret, 
 to show him a room j she showed him one or two, 
 which he refused, as not sufficiently sal'e for tlie 
 prisoner. The woman laughed at the idea, observ- 
 ing, " what had he to fear from a paiivre er\fani 
 like me.'' 
 
 " Vet this pauvre enfant escaped from Givet," re- 
 plied O'Brien ; •' these Knglislimen are devils from 
 their birtli." The last room showed to O'Brien suit- 
 ed him, and he chose it — the woman not presuming 
 to contradict a gendarme. As soon as tliey ciine 
 down a^ain, O'Brien ordered me to bed, and went 
 up stairs with me. He bolted the door, and pulling 
 mc to the large chimney, we put our heads up, and 
 whispered, that our conversation should not be 
 heard. " This man is not to be trusted," said 
 O'Brien, " and we must give him the slip. I know 
 xny way out of the inn, and we must return the 
 way we came, and then strike olf in another direc- 
 tion." 
 
 " But will he permit us ?" 
 
 *' Motif he can help it; but I shall soon find out 
 his maiia;uvres.'' 
 
 O'Brien then went and stopped the key-hole, by 
 hanging his hand'*erchief across it. and stripiMUg 
 hiin.>!elf of his gondarme uniform, put on his own 
 clotlies ; then he slufied the blankets and pillow 
 into the cendarme's dress, and laid it down on the 
 outsidi" of the l>ed, as if it wcro a man sleeping in 
 his clotlies — indeed it was an admiralde deception. 
 He laid his musket by the side of the ima;,e, and 
 thon did the sr.mc to my bed, making it appear as
 
 208 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 if there was a person asleep in it. of rav size, and 
 putting my cap on the pillow. " Xow I^eter. we'll 
 see if he is watching us. He will wait till he thinks 
 wc are asleep." 'J he light still remained in the 
 room, and about an hour afterw.ards we heard a 
 noise of one treading on the stairs, upon which, as 
 agreed, we crept under the bed. The latch of our 
 door was tried, and finding it open, which he did 
 not expect, the gendarme entered and looking at 
 both beds, went away. ■• A'ow/' said I, after the 
 gendarme had gone down stairs, •' O'Brien, ought 
 we not to escape V 
 
 " I've been thinking of it, Peter, and I have 
 come to a resolution that we can manage it better. 
 He is certain to come again in an hour or two. It 
 it is only eleven. Now, Til play him a trick." 
 O'Brien then took one of the blankets, made it fast 
 to the window, which he left wide open, and at the 
 same time disarranged the images he had made up, 
 so as to let the gendarme perceive that they were 
 counterfeit. We again crept under the bed, and as 
 O'Brien foretold, in about an hour more, the gen- 
 darme returned 3 our lamp was still burning, but he 
 had a light of his own. He looked at the beds, 
 perceived at once that he had been duped, went to 
 the open window, and then exclaimed, '• Sacredieii! 
 Hi ni'onttchappe, ttjene suis plus caporai ! F — tre! 
 a la chasse." He rushed out of the room, and in a 
 minute afterwards, we heard him open the street 
 door, and go away." 
 
 "That will do, Peter,'' said O'Brien, laughing; 
 '•now we'll be off also, there's no great hurr}'." 
 O'Brien then resumed his dress of a gendarme, and 
 about an hour afterwards we went down, and wish- 
 ing the hostess all happmess, quitted the cabaret, 
 returning the same road by which we had come. 
 "Now, Peter," said O'Brien, " we're in a bit of a 
 puzzle. This dress v.on't do any more, still there's 
 a respectability about it, which will not allow me
 
 to put it off tin the last moment." Wfc walked on 
 till diivli^ljt. when we hid ourselvps in a copse of 
 trees. At nit^ht we acain started lor the forest of 
 Ardennes, for O'Brien said our best chance was to 
 return, until they supposed that we had had time 
 to eHcct our escape ; but we never reached the 
 forest, for on the next day a violent snow storm 
 came on; it continued without intermission for 
 four days, during which we suffered much. Our 
 money was not e.xhaustcd, as 1 had drawn upon my 
 lather for 60/.; which, with the disadvantageous ex- 
 change, hati given me fifty ^sajxileons. Uccasion- 
 aliy O'Brien crept into a cabaret and obtained pro- 
 visions ; but, as we dared not be seen together aa 
 before, we were always obliged to sleep in the open 
 air. the ground bein^ covered more than three feet 
 wvth SHOW. On the fifth day, being then six days 
 from the forest of .\rdennes, we hid ourselves in a 
 hmall wood . about a (juarter of a nule from the road. 
 I remained there while O'Brien, as a gendarme, 
 v.ent to obtain provisions. As usual, I looked out 
 for the best shelter duiing his absence, and what 
 was my horror at falling in with a man and woman, 
 who lay dea<l in the snow, having evidently perish- 
 ed fron» the inclemency of the weather! Just as I 
 discovered them, O'Brien returned, and 1 told him; 
 he went witli me to view the bodies. They were 
 dreused in a strange attire, ribands pinned upon 
 th( ir clothes, and two pairs of very high stilts lying 
 by their si<les. OBrirn surveyed them, and then 
 said, •' I'e-ter, this is the very bebl thing that could 
 l.avo happened to us. We may now walk through 
 France witliout soiling our feet with the cursed 
 country.'" 
 
 •' Hew do you mean ?" replied I. 
 
 *' I mean." said he. " that these are the people 
 that we nif t near Mont|>ellier, who came from th« 
 I.andets, walking about on their stilts for the amuse- 
 nifJft' •f others, to obtain motiev. In their owu 
 
 vol !. It
 
 SIO PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 country they are obliged to walk eg. Pvow, Peter, 
 it appears to me tliat the raan"s clollies will fit me, 
 and llie girl's (poor creature, how pretty she looks, 
 cold in death I) will fit you. All we have to do is 
 to practise a little, and then away wc start."' 
 
 O'Brien then, with some difficulty, pulled off the 
 man's jacket and trousers, and having so done, buri- 
 ed him in Uie snow. The poor girl was despoiled 
 oi' her gown and upper petticoat with every decen- 
 cy, and also buried. We collected the clothes and 
 stilts, and removed to another quarter ct' the wood, 
 where we found a well-sheltered spot, and took our 
 meal. As we did not travel that night as usual, we 
 had to prepare our own bed. We scraped away the 
 snow, and made ourselves as comlbrtable as we 
 could without a fire, but the weather was dreadful. 
 
 " Peter," said O'Brien, '• I'm melancholy. Here, 
 drink plenty ;" and he handed me the tlask of spir- 
 its, which had never been empty. " Drink more, 
 Peter." 
 
 '^ I cannot. O'Brien, without being tipsy." 
 
 " !Xever mind that, drink more ; see how those 
 two poor dovils lost their lives by falling asleep in 
 the snow. Peter,'' said O'Brien, starling up, '* you 
 sha'n't sleep here — follow me." 
 
 I expostulated in vain. It was almcst dark, and 
 he led me to the village, near which he pitched 
 upon a hovel, (a sort of outhouse.) •' Peter here 
 is shelter ; he down and sleep, and I'll keep the 
 watch. Aot a word, I will have it — down at once.'' 
 
 I did so, and in a very few minutes was fast 
 asleep, for I was worn out with cold and fatigue. 
 For several days we had walked all night, and the 
 rest we gained by day was trifling. O how I longed 
 for a warm bed with four or five blankets ! Just as 
 the day broke, O'Brien roused me ; he had stood 
 sentry all night, and looked very haggard. 
 
 '• O'Brien, you are ill," said 1. 
 
 " ]N'9t a bit ; but I've emptied the brandy flask,
 
 FETEK SIMPLE. 211 
 
 and that's a bad job. However, it is to bfi remedi- 
 ed.- 
 
 W'c tlien returned to the wood in a mizzling rain 
 and loji, lor the weather had changed, and the frost 
 had broken up. The thaw was even worse than 
 the rr<;st, and we ft^ltthe cold more. O'Brien a^ain 
 insisted upon my slcepiii;T in the outhouse, l)ut tliis 
 time I positively refused without he would also 
 sleep there, pointing out to him, tliat we ran no 
 more risk, and perhaps not so much, as if he stayed 
 outside. Finding I was positive, he at last consented, 
 an.l w«» both gained it unperceived. We laid down, 
 but I did not go to sleep for some time, I was so 
 anxious to see O'Brien fast asleep. He went in 
 and out aever:il times, durin'.,' which I pretended to 
 be asleep; at hft it rained in torrents, and then ho 
 laid down again, a:id in a few minutes, overpower- 
 «!d by nature, he fell fist asleep, snoring so loud- 
 ly, that I was afraid some one would hear us. I 
 tijen got up and watched, occasionally lying down 
 and slumbering awhile, and then going to the door. 
 
 fHAl'TKR XXUI. 
 
 Kxil.n. .» i:li «.uf »uritt#, wr marrli tliroueli Frnnr^ wiiliout lonrbirg 
 lli<* jrfiimJ— I bttitme rL-inaiJnr — Wc i\rr viliinluiy ccmM ripl». 
 
 At daybreak I called O'Brien, who jumped up in 
 a Kreat hurry. 
 
 *• Sure Ive been a.slcep, Peter."' 
 
 " Yes, you have," replied I, "and I thank heaven 
 that you have, for nf» one ccild stand such fatigue 
 as you have, much lonrrer ; and if yru full ill. v. hat 
 would become of me V This wa.s lourliing him 
 on t/jo right point.
 
 ei'2 J'F/J'1-:R SCiMFf.F.. 
 
 '• Well. IVtci, tinre ihcrc's no l.ar:n ccme cf it, 
 there's no harm done. I've had sleep enough for 
 the next week, that's certain." 
 
 Wo returned to the wood ; the snow had disap- 
 peared, and the rain ceased ; the sun shone out 
 from betvveen tl.e clouds, and we felt warm. 
 
 " Don't pass so near that way/' said O'Brien, " we 
 shall see the poor creatures, now that the snow is 
 gone. Peter, we must shift our quarters to-night, 
 for I have been to every cabaret in the village, and 
 1 cannot go ih*^-o any more without suspicion; al- 
 tl.ough 1 am a gendarme." 
 
 We remained there till the evening, and then set 
 of]', still returning towards Givet. About an hour 
 bc^lbre daylight we arrived at a copse of trees close 
 to the road side, and surrounded by a ditch, not 
 above a quarter of a mile from a village. " It ap- 
 pears to me,'"' said O'Brien, ••'that this will do; I 
 will new put you there, and then go boldly to the 
 village, and see what I can get, for here we must 
 stay at least a week." 
 
 \Vc walked to the copse, and the ditch being 
 rather too wide for me to leap, O'Brien laid the 
 lour stilts together^ so as to form a bridge, over 
 wliich I contrived to walk. Tossing to me all the 
 bundles, and desiring me to leave the stilts as a 
 bridge for him on his return, he setoff to the village 
 with his musket on his shoulder. He was away 
 two hours, wlien he returned with a large supply of 
 provisions, the best we had ever had. Frencn sau- 
 cissons seasoned with garlic, which I thought de- 
 lightful ; four bottles of brandy, besides his flask ; 
 a piece of hung beef and six loaves of bread, be- 
 sides half a baked goose and part of a large pie. 
 
 " There," said he, '• we have enough for a gpod 
 week : and look here, Peter, this is better than all.' 
 And he showed me two largo hcrse-rugs. 
 
 •' Excellent.'' replied 1, " now we shall he com 
 fortable.'
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 213 
 
 " I paid honestly for all but these rugs," oUerved 
 O'Brien; ''I was afraid to buy tlieiii, so I stole 
 them. However, we'll leave tlieui here for tliose 
 they belong to^it's only borrowinj:, after all." 
 
 \\'e now prepared a very comfortable shelter with 
 branches, which we wove together, and layin;; tliC 
 leaves in tlie sun to dry, soon obtained a s(»ft bed to 
 put our horse-rug on, while we covered ourselves up 
 with the other. Our bridge of stilts we liail re- 
 moved, 80 that we felt ourselves (|uite secure from 
 surprise. That evening we did nothing but carouse 
 — the goose, the pie, the saucissons as big as my 
 arm, were alternately attacked, and we went to the 
 ditch to drink water, and then ate again. This was 
 quite happiness to what we had suti'ered, especially 
 with tiie prospect of a good bed. At dark, to bed 
 we went, and slept soundly ; 1 never felt more re- 
 freshed during our wanderings. At daylight O'Brien 
 got up. 
 
 " I\ow, Peter, a little practice before breakfast." 
 
 " What practice do you mean ?" 
 
 " Mean ! why on the stilts. 1 expect in a week 
 tliat you'll be able to dance a gavotte at least; for 
 mind me, Peter, you travel out of France upon 
 these stilts, depend upon it.' 
 
 O'Brien then took the stilts belonging to U;e 
 man, giving me those of the woman. \Ve slriip- 
 ped tliem to our thighs, and by fixing our backs to a 
 tree, contrived to get upright upon them ; but, at the 
 first attempt to walk, O'Brien lell to the right, and I 
 fell to the left, O'Brien fell against a tr<e, but 1 fell 
 on ray nose, and made it bleed very much ; iiowev- 
 er, we laughed and got up again, and alllio'j;;h we 
 had several fallH, at last we made a better hand of 
 them. We then had some difliculty in getting 
 down again, but we found out how, by again reuort- 
 ing to a tree, .\fler breakfast we straipped tliem on 
 again, and practised, and so we continued to do for 
 the whole day, when we again attackiid our provis-
 
 214 PETER SLMPLE. 
 
 ions, and fell asleep under our horse-rug. This 
 continued for five days, by which time being con- 
 stantly on the stilts, we became very expert; and 
 although I could not dance a gavotte — for 1 did not 
 know what that was — 1 could hop about with them 
 with the greatest ease. 
 
 *• One day's more practice/' said O'Brien, " for 
 our provision will last one day more, and then we 
 start ; but this time we must rehearse in costume." 
 
 O'Brien then dressed me in the poor girl's clothes, 
 and himself in the man's ; they fitted very well, 
 and the last day we practised as man and woman. 
 
 •• Peter, you make a very pretty girl," said 
 O'Brien. ■Now, don't allow the men to take lib- 
 erties." 
 
 " -\evor fear," replied I. " But, O'Brien, as 
 these petticoats are not very warm, 1 meiui to cut 
 off my trousers up to my knees, and weai- them un- 
 derneath.'' 
 
 '• That's all right," said O'Brien, " for you may 
 have a tumble, and then they may find out that 
 you're r.o* a lady."' The next morning we made 
 use of our stilts to cross the ditch, and carrying 
 them in our hands we boldly set oti' on the high 
 road to Malines. We met several people, gendarmes 
 and others, but with the exception of some remarks 
 upon my good looks, we passed unnoticed. Towards 
 the evening v.e arrived at the village where we had 
 slept in the outhouse, and as soon as we entered :t 
 we put on our stilts, and commenced a march. 
 When the crowd had gathered we held cut our 
 caps, and receiving nine or ten sous, we entered a 
 cabaret. Many questions w ere asked us as to where 
 we came from, and O'Brien answered, telling lies 
 innumerable. I played the modest girl, and O'Brien, 
 who stated I was his sister, appeared very careful 
 and jealous of any attention. We slept well, and 
 the next morning continued our route to Malines. 
 We very often put on our stilts for practice on the
 
 PETER SIxMPLE. 2U 
 
 road, which detained us very much, and it wai not 
 until the ei;zhlh day, without any variety or any in- 
 terruption, that we arrived at Alahnes. As we en- 
 tered the barriers we put on our stilts, and marched 
 boldly on. The guard at the gate stopped ug. not 
 from suspicion, but to amuse Uiemselves, and I was 
 forced to submit to several kisses from their garlic 
 lips, before we were allowed to enter the town. We 
 again mounted on our stilts, for the guard had forced 
 us to dismount, or they could not have kissed me, 
 every now and then imitating a dance, until we ar- 
 rived at the grande place, where we stopped oppo- 
 site the hotel, and commenced a sort of waltz 
 which we had practised. The people in the hotel 
 looked out at llie window to see our exhibition, and 
 when we hatl finished I went up to the windowg 
 with O'Brien's cap to collect money. What was 
 mv surprise to perceive colonel O'Brien lookinij full 
 in my face, and staring very hard at me ; wiiat was 
 my greater astonishment at seeing Celeste, who 
 immediately recognised me, and ran back to the 
 sofa in the room, putting her hands up to her eyes, 
 and crying out, C'eal lui, deal lui ! Fortunately 
 O'Brien was close to me, or 1 should have fallen, 
 but he supported me. " Peter, ask tlie crowd for 
 money, or you are lost." I did so, and colU-cting 
 some pence, then asked him what I should do. 
 " (io back to the window — you can then judge what 
 will happen." I returned to the window ; colonel 
 O'Brien had disappeared, but Celeste was there, 
 as if waiting for me. I held out the cap to her, 
 and she thrust her hand into it. The cap sunk witJi 
 the weight. I took out a purse, which 1 kept closed 
 in my hand, and put it into my bosom. Celeste 
 then retired from the window, and when she had 
 gone to the back of the room kissed her hand to 
 roe, and went out at the door. I remained stupitied 
 for a moment, but O'Brien roused me, and we quit- 
 ted the grandc place, takmg up our quarters at a
 
 216 PETFJl SIMPLE. 
 
 little cabaret. On examining the pmse, I fourul 
 fifty -Napoleons in it 5 these must have been obtain- 
 ed ffORi lisr frtlier. I cried over them with delight. 
 O'Brien was uIro much ati'ected at thie kindness of 
 the colonel. " He's a real O i>rien, every inch of 
 him/' said he ; '• even tJiis cursed country can't 
 spoil the breed." 
 
 At tlie cabaret where we stopped, we were in- 
 formed, that the officer who was at the hotel had 
 been appointed to the command of the strong fort 
 of Bergeii-op-Zoom, and was proceeding thither. 
 
 " We_ must not chance to meet him again, if pos- 
 sible,"" said OBrien ; '• it w ould be treading too 
 close upon tlie heels of his duty, ISeilher will it 
 do to appear on stilts among the dykes ; so, Peter, 
 we'll just stump on clear of this town and then we'll 
 trust to our wits."' 
 
 We walked out of the town early in the morn- 
 ing, ailer OBrien had made purchases of some of 
 the clothes usually worn by tiiS peasantry. When 
 within a!evv miles of :>t. jNicholas, we tlirew away 
 our stilts and the clothes w hich we had on and dres- 
 sed ourselves in those O'Brien had purchased. 
 O'Brien had not forgot to provide us with tvvo large 
 brown colored blankets, which we strapped on to 
 our shoulders, as the soldiers do their coats. 
 
 " But what are we to pass for now, O'Brien ?"' 
 
 " Peter, 1 will settle thai point before night. My 
 wits art working, tut I like to trust to cliance lor 
 a stray icea or so ; we must walk fast, or we shall be 
 smothered with the snow." 
 
 It was bitter cold weather, and the snow had 
 fallen heavily during the whole day ; but although 
 nearly dusk, there was a bright moon ready for us. 
 We walked very fast, and soon observed persons 
 ahead of us. " I^et us overtake them, we may ob- 
 tain some information."' As we came up with them, 
 one of them (they were botli lads of seventeen to 
 eighteen) said to O'Brien, " I thought we were the
 
 PET£K ShMPLE. 217 
 
 last, but I was mistaken. How far is it new to St. 
 ISicii. hs V 
 
 " I low should I know ?" replied O'Brien. •• I am a 
 str.iiv.'crin these parls as well as ynurscll"."' 
 
 ''i-rom wh:it jiart ot" France do you come?" 
 demaiiJed the other. his tcetii chattcrinij with the cold 
 for he was badly clothed, and with little defence 
 from the iucleiuent weallier. 
 
 '• From IMontpellier,'" replied O'Brien. 
 
 " And I from Toulouse. A sad chaa<fe, comrade, 
 from olives and winr>s to such a climate as tliis. 
 Curse the conscription : I intended to have taken a 
 littic wife next year."" 
 
 O'Brien pave me a push, as if to say, '* Here's 
 boiuething that will do," and then continued — 
 
 '• .\nd curse the conscription 1 say too for I had 
 just married, and now my wife is left to be annoyed 
 by the attention of the./'trrniVr g'-tu'ral. But it can't 
 be helped. C'cst pour la France cl pour la ^loirc." 
 
 " We shall be too late to get a billet," replied tlie 
 other, "and not a sous liave 1 in my pockets. I 
 doubt if 1 get up with the main body till they are at 
 Flushing. By our route, tliry are at Axel to-day."' 
 
 *' If we arrive at St. JSichola.** we shall do well," 
 replied 0"Hnpn; "but 1 liavc a little money left, 
 and 111 not see a cotnrade wait a supper or a bed 
 wl»o is goin^ to serve his country. \ ou can repay 
 uie when w«! meet at Flushin^?■'' 
 
 •' 'J'liat 1 will with thanks," replied the French- 
 man ; '• and so will Jac4ues, here, if you will trust 
 him." 
 
 '• With pleasure," replied O'Brien, who th<.n 
 entpfpci into a lonu conversation, by which he drew 
 out I'rom the Frenchman that a party of conscripts 
 had been ordered to Flushini;, and tliat they had 
 dropped behind the main iKnly. O'Brit-n passed 
 himself ofl' as a conscript belonninfr to tlie party, 
 and me as his brother, who had resolved to jom the 
 •rmy as a drummer, mther than part with him. In
 
 218 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 about an hour we arrived at St. Nicholas, and after 
 some difficulty obtained entrance into a cabaret. 
 " Vive la France /"said O'Brien, going up to the tire, 
 and throwing the snow off his hat. In a short time 
 we were seated to a good supper and very tolerable 
 wine, the hostess sitting down by us, and listening to 
 the true narratives of the real conscripts and the 
 false one of O'Brien. After supper the conscript 
 who first addressed us pulled out his printed paper, 
 with the route laid down and observed that we were 
 two days behind the others. O'Brien read it over, 
 and laid it on the table, at the same time calling for 
 more wine, having already pushed it round. We 
 did not drink much ourselves, but plied them haml, 
 and at last the conscript commenced the whole 
 history of his intended marriage and his disappoint- 
 ment, tearing his hair, and crying now and then. 
 •' Never mind," interrupted O'Brien, every two or 
 three minutes," biivcns itn autre ccnip four la gloire," 
 and thus he continued to make them both drink 
 until they reeled away to bed, forgetting their prin- 
 ted paper, which O'Brien had some time before 
 slipped away from the table. We also retired to 
 our rooms when O'Brien observed tome, "Peter, 
 this description is as much like me as I am to Old 
 Nick ; but that's of no consequence, as nobodv goes 
 willingly as a conscript, and therefore they will nev- 
 er have a doubt but that it is all right. We must 
 be off early to-morrow, while these good people are 
 in bed, and steal a long march upon them. I con- 
 sider that we are now safe as far as Flushing."
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 219 
 
 CHAPTKR XXIV. 
 
 tVliatifcunrJ at Flusliing, and wlial occurred nhfnwe got out *[ 
 Klualiing. 
 
 \tt hour before daybreak we started 5 the snow 
 was thick on the pround, but the sky was clear, 
 and without any difficulty or interruption we passea 
 tlirou'_-h the towns of Axel and Halst, arrived at Ter- 
 neuse on the fourth dny, and went over to Flushing 
 in comnaiiy with about a dozen more stragglers from 
 the mam body. As we landed, the guard asked us 
 whether we were conscripts? O'Brien replied that 
 he was, and held out his paper. 'I'hey took his 
 name, or rather that of the person it belonged to, 
 down in a book, and told him that lie must apply to 
 the '•Ya/-77i£yor before three o'clock. We pa.ssed on 
 delighted with our success, and then O'Brien pulled 
 out the letter which had been given to him by the 
 woman of the cabaret, who had oHered to assist 
 in« to escape, when O'Brien pxssed oft' as a gen- 
 darme, and reading the address, demanded his way 
 to the street. We soon found out the house, and 
 enttred. 
 
 '•Conscripts!" said the woman ©f the, house, 
 looking at O'Brien ; " I am billetted full already. It 
 must be a mistake. Where is your order ?'' 
 
 " Head," said O'Brien, handing her the letter. 
 
 She rea«; the letter, and putting it into her hand- 
 kerchief, desired him to follow her. O'Brien l)eck- 
 oiu'd me to come, and we went into a small room. 
 "What can 1 do for you?" said the woman; "I 
 will do all in my power; but, alas! you will march 
 from here in two or three days V 
 
 "IS'ever mind," replied O'Brien, "we will talk 
 the matter over by-and-by, but at present only oblige 
 us by letting us remain in this little room; wc ao 
 not wish to b« «ccu."
 
 220 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 '•' Comment done — you a conscript, and not wish 
 to be seen I Are you, then, intending to desert?"' 
 
 " Answer me one qestion : you have read that 
 letter, do you intend to act up to its purport, as your 
 sister requests V 
 
 " As 1 hope for mercy I will, if I suffer every 
 thing. She is a dear sister, and would not write so 
 earnestly if she had not strong reasons. My house 
 and every thing you command are yours — can I say 
 more .'"' 
 
 •• But/' continued O'Brien, "suppose I did intend 
 to desert, would you then assist me V 
 
 •' At my peril,"' replied the woman 3 *' have you 
 not assisted ray family when in difficulty V 
 
 '' Well, then. 1 will not at present detain you 
 from your busines 5 1 have heard you called several 
 times. Let us have dinner when convenient, and 
 we will remain here.'' 
 
 '' If 1 have any knowledge of phiz — what d'ye coil 
 it," observed O Bnen, alter she left us, •• there is 
 honesty in that woman, and I must trust her, but not 
 
 Jet, we must wait till the conscripts have gone.' 
 agreed with O'Brien, and we remained talking 
 until an hour afterwards, when the woman brought 
 us our dinner. 
 
 '' What is your name ?" inquired O'Brien. 
 
 •'• Louise Eustache j you might have read it ou 
 the letter." 
 
 " Are you married ?" 
 
 " O yes, these six years. My husband is seldom 
 at home 5 he is a Flushing pilot. A hard life, harder 
 even than that of a soldier. Who is this lad V 
 
 " He is my brother, who, if I go as a soldier, in- 
 tends to volunteer as a drummer." 
 
 " Fauvre en/ant, c'est domm(^e." 
 
 The cabar»;t was full of conscripts and otlier peo- 
 ple, so that tiie hostess had enougn to do. At night 
 we were shown by her into a small bedroom, ad- 
 joiniag the f>ne we occupied. '■ You are quite alone
 
 PKTKK SlMFLi; 2-21 
 
 here ; tiic conscripts are to muster to-morrow I (iiid, 
 in the Place cfArmes, at two oclock ; do you intend 
 to go ?'■ 
 
 •• iSo,-' replied O'Brien 5 '• they will think that I 
 am behind. It is of no consequence.'' 
 
 ** Well/' replied the woman, " do as you please, 
 you may trust me 5 but I arn so busy, without any 
 one to assist me, that until they leave the town 1 
 can hardly find time to speak to you. 
 
 '•That will be soon enough, my good hostess,"' 
 replied O'Brien; •' mirevoir." 
 
 J'he ne.xt evenini:, the woman came in. in some 
 alarm, staling that a conscript had arrived wliose 
 name had been given in belore, and that the per- 
 son who had given it in had not mustered at the 
 place, 'i'hat the conscript had declared, liiat his 
 pass had been stolen from him by a person with 
 whom he had stopped at St. Psithohis, and tbat there 
 were orders for a strict search to be made tlirou(j;li 
 tlie town, as it was known that some English ofh- 
 ccrs had escaped, and it was supposed that one of 
 ihem had obtaineu the pass. " Surely you're not 
 i^ntrlish ?■' inquired the woman, looking earnestly 
 at O'Brien. 
 
 ''Indeed, but 1 am. my dear,'' replied O'Brien; 
 " and so is this lad with me ; and tiie favor which 
 your sister requires is, that you help lis over the 
 water, for which Fcrvice there are one hundred 
 Louis ready to be paid upon oclivery of us." 
 
 Oh, moil Dim, main c est impossible f" 
 
 "Impossible?', replied O'Brien ; ''was that the 
 answer I gave your sister in her trouble V 
 
 •' Au momv c'est/urt difficile." 
 
 "Tiiat's (piite another concern; but with your 
 husband a pilot, 1 should think a great part of the 
 difficulty removed." 
 
 "My husband ! I've no power over him. " rrplietl 
 the woman' putting the apron np to hrr r-vrs.
 
 222 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 '• But one Jiundred Louis may have/" replied 
 O'Brien. 
 
 "There is truth in that," observed the woman, after 
 a pause ; "but what am I to do if tliey come to 
 search the house V 
 
 " Send us out of it, until you can find an opportu- 
 nity to send us to England. I leave it all to you— 
 your sister expects it from you.-' 
 
 -And she shall not be disappointed, if God helps 
 us,'" replied the woman, after a short pause ; " but 
 1 fear you must leave this house and tlie town also 
 to-night." 
 
 " How are we to leave the town ?" 
 
 " I will arrange that 5 be ready at four o'clock, 
 for the gates are shut at dusk. I must go now, for 
 there is no lime to be lost.'' 
 
 " We are in a nice mess now, O'Brien," observed 
 I, after the woman had quitted the room. 
 
 "Devil a bit, Peter ; 1 feel no anxiety whatever, 
 except at leaving such good quarters." 
 
 We picked up all cur affects, not forgetting our 
 two blankets, and waited the return of the hostess. 
 In about an hour, she entered the room. " I have 
 spoken to my husband's sister, who lives about two 
 miles on the road to lUiddelburg. She is in town 
 now, for it is market day, and you will be safe where 
 she liides you. I told her, it was by my husband's 
 request, or she would net have consented. Here, boy 
 put on ihese clotlies : I will assist you." Once more 
 1 was dressed as a girl, and when my clothes were on 
 O'Brien burst out into laughter at my blue stockings 
 and short petticoats. "/"Z n^eUpas mal," observed the 
 hostess, as sl.e fixed a sm.ail cap on my head, and 
 than lied a kercliief under my chin, which pnrtly 
 hid my face. O'Brien put on a great coat, which 
 the woman handed to him, with a wide-brimmed hat. 
 '•Now follow nie !" She led us into the street, 
 which was thronged, till we arrived at the market- 
 place, wl.on rhc met another v.oman, who joined
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 223 
 
 her. At the end of the market-place stood a small 
 horse and cart, into which the strange woman and I 
 mounted, while O'Brien, by the directions of the 
 landlady, led the horse through the crowd until we 
 arrived at the barriers, when she wished us good 
 day in a loud voice before the guard. The guard 
 took no notice of us, and we passed safely through, 
 and found ourselves upon a neatly paved road, as 
 straight as an arrow, and lined on each side with 
 high trees and a ditch. In about an hour, we stop- 
 ped near to tiie farm-house of the woman who was 
 m charge of us. '• Do you observe that wood V 
 said she to O'Brien, pointing to one about half a 
 mile from the road. " 1 dare not take you rtito the 
 house, my husband is so violent against the English, 
 who captured his schuyt, and made him a poor man, 
 that he would inform against you immediately ; but 
 go you there, make yourselves as comfortable as 
 you can to-night, and to-morrow I will send you 
 what you want. Adieu ! Je vous olains, pauvre en- 
 font," said she, looking at me, as she drove ofi" 
 in the cart towards her own house. 
 
 " Peter," said O'Brien, '* 1 tliink that her kicking 
 UB out of her house is a proof of her sincerity, and 
 therefore I say no more about it j we have the 
 brandy-flask to keep up our spirits. Now llien for 
 the wood. Uiougii, by the powers, I shall have no 
 relish for any of your pic-n-p parlies, as they call 
 them, for the next twelve years." 
 
 '• But, O'Brien, how can 1 get over this ditch in 
 petticoats ? 1 could hardly leap it in my own 
 clothes." 
 
 " You must tie your petticoats round your waist, 
 and m:ike a gornl run ; get over as far as you can, 
 and 1 will dr itr you through the rest." 
 
 " But you foru'el that we are to sleep in the wood, 
 and that it's no laugliing matter to get wet through, 
 freezing so hard as it does now." 
 
 '• Very tru<?, Peter ; hut as the snow lica so deep
 
 2^4 PKTER SISIPLF.. 
 
 upon llie ditcli. pei^iaps the ice may bear. I'll try ; 
 it" it bears me, it will not condescend to bend at 
 your shrimp of a carcass."' 
 
 O'Brien tried the ice, which was firm, and we 
 both walked over, and making all the haste we 
 could, arrived at tlie wood, as the woman called it. 
 but which was not more than a clump of trees of 
 about half an acre. We cleared away the snow 
 for about six feet round a very hollow part, and 
 then O'Brien cut stakes and fixed them in the earth, 
 to which we stretched one blanket. The snow be- 
 ing about two feet deep, there was plenty of room 
 to creep underneath the blanket. We then collec- 
 ted all the leaves we could, beating the snow off 
 them, and laid them at the bottom of the hole ; 
 over the leaves we spread the other blanket, and 
 taking our bundles in. we then stopped up with 
 snow every side of the upper blanket, except the 
 hole to creep in at. It wa.s quite astonishing what 
 a warm place this became in a short time after we 
 had remained in it. It was almost too warm, al- 
 though the weather outside was pierc.ngly cold. 
 At"ler a good meal and a dose of brandy, we both 
 fell fast asleep, but not until I had taken off my 
 woman's attire and resumed my own clothes. We 
 never slept better or more warmly than we did in 
 this hole which we had made on the ground^ cov- 
 ered with ice and snow.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 O'Brien parts cnmpajiy to hunt for provialoni, and 1 nave oUirr camp* 
 o.v in conwqueoce of nootbrr bunt — O'Brien pallietically moura* aqr 
 deatli, and fi«ids me alive — We escape. 
 
 The ensuing morning we looked out anxiously for 
 the promised assistance, for we were not very rich 
 in provisions, although what we had were of a very 
 good quality. It was not until three o'clock in the 
 afternoon that we perceived a little pirl coming to- 
 wards U8, escorted by a large mastiff. When she 
 arrived at the copse of trees where we lay conceal- 
 ed, she cried out to the dog in Dutch, who immedi- 
 iitely scoured the wood until he came to our hi- 
 din;^ place, wlicn he crouched down at the en- 
 trance, barkinj» furiously, and puttinjr us in no small 
 dread, lest he should attack us; but the little girl 
 epc ke to him again, and he remained in tlie same 
 po&itiou. looking at us, wagging his tail, with his 
 under jaw lying on the snow. She soon came up, 
 and looking underneath, put a basket in, and nodded 
 her head. \Vc emptied the basket. O'Brien took 
 out a Napoleon and oHered it to her ; rho rnfused 
 it, but O'Brif-n forced it into her hand, upon which 
 she again spoke to the dog, who commenced bark- 
 ing so furiously at us, that we expected every mo- 
 ment he would fly upon ua. The girl at the same 
 time presenting the Napoleon, and pointing to the 
 dog, I went forward and took the Napoleon frona 
 her, at which she immediately silenced the enor- 
 mous brute, and laughing at us, hastened away. 
 
 " By the powers, that's a fine little girl,""' said 
 O'Brien; " I'll back her and her dog against any 
 man. Well, I never had a dog set at me for giving 
 money before, but we live and learn, Peter; now 
 let's see what she brought in the bxsket.' We 
 found hard-boiled eggs, bread and a nmoked mut- 
 t<>n-h»m. with a large l)oltlo of gin. " Whnt a nic» 
 vol.. t. 14
 
 ij» PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 little girl ! I hope she will often favor us with her 
 company. I've been thinking, Peter, that we're 
 quite as well off here, as in a miushipman's berth." 
 
 '• You forget that you are a lieutenant."' 
 
 " Well, so I did, Peter, and that's the truth, but 
 it's the force of habit. JNow let's make our dinner. 
 It's a new-iashioiied way though, ol making a meal, 
 lying down ; but however it's economical, lor it 
 must take longer to swallow the victuals." 
 
 '• The Romans used to eat their meala lying down, 
 so I have read, O'Brien." 
 
 " i can't say that 1 ever heard it mentioned in 
 Ireland, but that don't prove that it was not the 
 case ; so. Peter, ill take your word for it. Murder 1 
 how fast it snows again 1 1 wonder what my lather's 
 thinking on just at this moment." 
 
 This observation of O'Kiien induced us to talk 
 about our triends and relations in England, and after 
 much conversation we fell fast asleep. The next 
 morning we found the snow had fallen about eight 
 inches, and weighed down our upper blanket so 
 much, that we were obliged to go out and cut 
 stakes to support it up from the inside. While we 
 were thus employed, we heard a loud noise and 
 shouting, and perceived several men, apparently 
 armed and accompanied by dogs, running straiglit 
 in the direction of the wood where we were en- 
 camped. We were much alarmed, thinking that 
 they were in search of us, but on a sudden tliey 
 turned otf in another direction, continuing with the 
 ■ame speed as before. " What could it be ,'" said 
 I to O'Brien. " I can't exactly say, PeterjbutI 
 should think that they were hunting something, and 
 the only game that 1 think likely to be in such a 
 place as this are otters." 1 was ot' the same opinion. 
 We expected tiie little girl, but she did not come, 
 and alter looking out for her till dark, we crawled 
 into our hole and supped upon the remainder of 
 «ur provisions.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. ^27 
 
 I'he next day, as may be supposed, we were very 
 anxious for her arrival, but she did not appear at 
 the time expected. I^iight again came on, and we 
 went to bed without having any sustenance, except 
 a small piece of bread that was lel\, and some gm 
 which was remaining in the flask. " Peter," said 
 O'Brien, '' if she don t come again to-morrow, I'll 
 try wliat 1 can do ; for I've no idea of our dying of 
 Imnger here, like the two babes in the wood, and 
 being lound covered up willi dead leaves. If she 
 does not appear at three o'clock, I'm oH" for provis- 
 ions, and 1 don't see much danger, for in this dress 
 I look as much of a boor as any man in Holland." 
 
 We passed an uneasy night, as we felt convinced, 
 either that the danger was so great that they dared 
 not venture . to assist us, or that, being overruled, 
 they had betrayed us, and left us to manage 
 how we could. The next morning I climbed up 
 the oidy large tree in the copse and looked round, 
 especially m the direction of the farm-house belong- 
 ing to the woman who had pointed out to us our 
 place of concealment J but nothing was to be seen 
 but one vast tract of flat country covered with 
 snow, and now and then a vehicle passing at a dis- 
 tance of the Middelburg road, i descended, and 
 found O'Brien preparing for a sUirt. He was very 
 melaiiclujly, and said to me, •' Peter, if 1 am taken, 
 you must, at all risks, put on your girl's clothes, and 
 go to 1-lusiiinip' to the cabaret. The women there, 
 1 am sure, will protect you. and send you back to 
 England. I only want two iNapoleons j take all the 
 rest, you will require them. If I am not back by to- 
 niglit, set ofT for Klusiiiug to-morrow morniiijj." 
 O'Brien wailed some little time longer, talking with 
 me, and it tJicn lieiiig past four o clock, he shook 
 me by tin- hand, ami, without speaking, lell Uie 
 wood. I never fell miserable during the wfiole time 
 since we were firsi put into prison at Toulon, till 
 that moment, and. when l.c was a hundred yards
 
 228 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 off, I klelt down and prayed. He had been absent 
 two hours, and it was quite dusk, when I heard a 
 noise at a distance : it advanced every moment 
 nearer and nearer. On a sudden, 1 heard a rustling 
 of the bushes, and hastened under the blank "it, 
 which was covered with snow, in hopes that they 
 might not perceive the entrance ; but I was hardly 
 there before in dashed after me an enonnous v.ol.''. 
 I cried out, expecting to be torn to pieces every 
 moment, but the creature lay on his belly, his mouth 
 ■wide open, his eyes glaring, and his long tongue 
 hanging out of his mouth, and although he touclicd 
 me, he was so exhausted that he did not attack 
 me. The noise increased, and 1 immediately per- 
 ceived that it was the hunters in pursuit of him. 
 I had crawled in feet iirst, tlic wolf ran in head fore- 
 most, so that we laid head and tail. I crept out is 
 fast as 1 could, and perceived men and dogs not 
 two hundred yards olf in full chase. 1 hastened to 
 the large tree, and had not ascended si.\ leet wlien 
 they came up 3 the dogs flew to the hole, and in a 
 very short tune the wolf was killed. The hunters 
 being too busy to observe me, 1 had, in the mean 
 time^ climbed up the trunk of the tree, and hid 
 myself as well as I could. Being not fifteen yards 
 from them, 1 lieard their expressions of surprise as 
 they lifted up the blanket and dragged out the dead 
 wolf, which they carried away v.ith them ; their 
 conversation being in Dutch, I could not under- 
 stand it, but I was certain that they made use of the 
 word "English/' 'Ihe liunters and dogs quitted 
 the copse, and 1 was about to descend, when one 
 of them returned, and pulling up the blankets, roll- 
 ed them together and walked a\vay with them. 
 Fortunately lie did not perceive our bundles by tlic 
 little li;:ht' given by t:;e moon. 1 waited a short 
 time, and then caino down. Wl.at to do 1 knew 
 not. If I did not remain and O'Brien returned, 
 what would !.c think ? If I did, 1 fh.-ulu Le dead
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 229 
 
 with cold before the morning. I looked for our 
 bundles, and found that in the conflict between the 
 dogs and the wolf, they had been buried amoiitr the 
 leaves. 1 recollected O'Brien's advice, and drrssed 
 myself in the girls clothes, but I could not make 
 up my mind to go to Flusliing. So I resolved to 
 walk towards the farm-house, which being close to 
 the road, would give me achance of meeting with 
 O'Brien. 1 soon arrived there and prowled round 
 it fofseme- time, but tlie doors and windows were 
 ail fast, and I dared not knock, after what tlie wo- 
 man had said about her husband's inveteracy to the 
 English. At lost, as I looked round and round, 
 quite at a loss what to do, I thought I saw a figure 
 at a distance proceeding in the direction of the 
 copse. • I hastened after it, and saw it enter. I 
 then advanced very cautiously, for although I thought 
 it might be O'Brien, yet it was possible that it was 
 one of the men who chased the wolf in search of 
 more plundt-r. But 1 soon heard O'Brien's voice, 
 and I hastened towards him. I was close to him 
 without his perceiving me, and found him sitting 
 down with hiK face covered up in his two hands 
 At last he c:ied, "O Paler! my poor Pater! are 
 you taken at last ? Ochone I why did 1 leave you ? 
 Sly poor poor Pater I simple you were, sure enough, 
 and that s why I loved you; but. Pater, I would 
 hav»^> made a man of you, for you'd all the materi- 
 als, that's the truth — an<l a fine man too. Where 
 am I to look for you. Pater ? You're fast locked 
 up by this time, and all my trouble's gone for in)th- 
 ing. But 111 be locked up too, Pater. Where you 
 are, will I be ; and if we can't go to England togeth- 
 er, why then we'll go back t<j that blackguard hole 
 of liivnt together. Orlione ! Ochone !" O'Brien 
 spoke no more, but burst into tears. I was much 
 affected with this proof of O'Brien's sincere regard, 
 and I came to his side, and clasped him in my arms. 
 O'Brien stared at me, • Who are you, you ugly
 
 550 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 Dutch frow V (for he had quite forgotten the wo- 
 man's dress at the moment.) but recollecting him- 
 self, he hugg:ed me in his arms. " Pater, you come 
 as near to an angel's shape as you can, for you 
 come in that of a worjan, to comfort me 5 for, to 
 tell the truth, I was very much distressed at not 
 finding you here ; and all the blankets gone to boot. 
 What has been the matter ?" I explained in as few 
 words as 1 could. 
 
 " Well, Peter, I'm happy to find you all safe, and 
 much happier to find that you can be trusted when 
 I leave you, for you could not have behaved more 
 prudently; now I'll tell you what 1 did, which was 
 not much, as it happened. I knew that there was 
 no cabaret between us and Flushing, for I took par- 
 ticular notice as I came along ; so I took the road 
 to Middelburg, and found but one, which was full 
 of soldiers. I passed it and found no other. As I 
 came back past the same cabaret, one of the soldiers 
 came out to rae, but I walked along the road. He 
 quickened his pace, and so did 1 mine, for I expect- 
 ed mischief. At last he came up to me. and spoke 
 to me in Dutch, to which I gave him no answer. 
 He collared me, and then T thought it convenient 
 to pretend that I was deaf and dumb. I pointed to 
 my mouth with an Au — au — and then to my ears, 
 and shook my head 5 but he would not be convinced, 
 and I heard him say something about English. I 
 then knew that there was no time to be lost, so 
 I first burst out into a loud laugh and stopped ; and 
 on his attempting to force me, I kicked up his heels, 
 and he fell on the ice with such a rap on the pate, 
 that 1 doubt if he has recovered it by this time. 
 There I left him, and have run back as hard as I 
 could, without any thing for Peter to fill his little 
 hungry inside with. Now, Peter, what's your opin- 
 ion ? for they say, that out of the mouth of babes 
 there's wisdom ;' and although I never saw any thing 
 come out of their mouths but sour milk, yet perhapa
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 131 
 
 I may be more fortunate this time, for, Peter, rou'r* 
 but a baby." 
 
 " .Not a small one, O'Brien, although not quite eo 
 large as Fingals babby that you told me the story 
 of. My idea is this. Let us at all hazards, go to 
 the farm-house. They have assisted us, and may 
 be iiicJuicd to do so again ; if they refuse, we must 
 push on to FlushinL', and take our chance.'' 
 
 •Well,' observed O'Brien, at\er a pause, ''I 
 think we can do no belter, so let's be oriV \Vc 
 went to the iarni-housc, and, as we approached tht 
 door, were met by the great mastitf. 1 started back, 
 OBrien boldly advanced. " He's a clever dog, and 
 may know us aijain, I'll go up," said OBnen, not 
 stopping while iie spoke, '• and pat his head ; if he 
 tlies at me, I shall be no worse than I was before, 
 for depend upon it he will not all©w us to go back 
 a^^ain. ' O'Brien by this time had advanced to tliedog, 
 who looked earnestly and angrily at hiin. He patted 
 his head, tlie dog growled, but O'Brien put his arm 
 round his neck, and patting him again, whistled to 
 him, and went to the door of the farm-house. The 
 dog followed liim silently but closely. O'Brien 
 knocked, and the door was opened by tlie littlo 
 girl ; the mastiJf advanced to the girl, and then 
 turned round, facing O'Brien, as much as to say — 
 " Is he to come in ' ' 'J'he girl sjjoke to the dog, 
 and went in doors. During her absence the mastitf 
 laid down at liie threshold. In a few seconds the 
 woman, who had br<iught us from t'lushing, came 
 out. and desired us to enter, .'^he spoke very good 
 I-'rcnrh, and told us that fortunately her husband 
 was absent; that the rea.son why we had not been 
 supplied wa.s, that a wolf had met her litth; girl re- 
 turning the other day, but had been beaten off by 
 the mastiff, and that ^he was afraid to allow her to 
 
 So again •, that she heard the wolf had been kill«d 
 liis evening, and had intended her girl to have gone 
 to ut early to-morrow morning. Tnat woItci were
 
 532 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 hardly known in that country, but that the severe 
 winter had brought them down to the lowlands, a 
 very rare circumstance, occurring perhaps not once 
 in twenty yeais. But how did you pass the mas- 
 tiff?"' said she; •'that has surprised my daughter 
 and rce.-' O'Brien told her, upon which she said, 
 " that the English were really ' des braves.' No 
 other man had ever done the same.'' So I thought, 
 for nothing would have me induced to do it. O'Bri- 
 en then told the history of the death of the wolf, 
 with all particulars, and our intention, if we could 
 not do better, of returning to Flushing. 
 
 " I l.card that Pierre Eustache came home yes- 
 terday,"' replied the woman; '-'and I do think that 
 you will be safer there than here, for they will 
 never think of looking for you among the cmemes, 
 which join their cabaret." 
 
 " Will you lend us your assistance to get in V' 
 
 '• I will see what I can do. But are you not 
 hungry V 
 
 " About as hungry as men who have eaten noth- 
 ing for two days." 
 
 ''Mon Dieu! c'esl vrai. I never thouglit it was 
 so long, but those whose stomachs are filled forget 
 those who are empty. God make us better and 
 more charitable !" 
 
 She spoke to the little girl in Dutch, who hasten- 
 ed to load the table, which we hastened to empty. 
 The little girl stared at our voracity ; but at last 
 she laughed out and clapped her hands at every 
 fresh mouthful which we took, and pressed us to 
 eat more. She allowed me to kiss her, until her 
 mother told her that I was not a woman, when she 
 Douted at me and beat me off. Before midnight 
 We were fast asleep upon the benches before the 
 kitchen fire, and at daybreak wer^ roused up by the 
 woman, who offered us some bread and spirits, and 
 then we went out to the door, where we found the 
 hone and cart all re^dy,and loaded with vegetables
 
 PETER SIMPl.i: t'^ 
 
 for the market. The woman, the little girl, and 
 niyseir i:ot in, O'Brien leadins^ as before, and tlie 
 masliir loUowinjj. We had learnt tlie dog's name, 
 Avhicli was AcJiilie, and he seemed to be (juile fond 
 of us. \Ve passed the dreaded barriers without 
 interruption, and in ten minutes entered the cabaret 
 of Kustache ; and immediately walked into tl'e 
 little room through a crowd of soldiers, two of 
 whom chucked me under the chin. Who should 
 we find there but Kustache. the pilot himself, in 
 conversation with his wife, and it appeared that 
 they were talking about us, she insisting, and he 
 unwiliinp, to have any hand in the business. " Well, 
 here they are themselves, Eustache ; the Eoldiers 
 who have seen them come in will never believe 
 that this is their first entry, if you give tliem up. 
 I leave them to make their own bargain ; but mark 
 me, Eustache, I have slaved night and day in this 
 cabaret for your prolit j if you do not oblige me 
 ajid mv family, I no longer keep a cabaret for you." 
 
 Matiame Eustache then quitted the room' with 
 her husband's sister and little girl, and O'Brien 
 immediately accosted him. •' 1 promise you," said 
 he to Eustache, "one hundred Louis if you |)ut uh 
 on shore at any part of England, or on board of any 
 Eui:li.-h man-of-war; and if you do it within a 
 week, 1 will make it twenty Eouis more." O'Brien 
 then pulled out the filly >«apoleon8 given us by 
 Celeste, for our own were not yet expended, and 
 laid them on the table. " Here is this in advance, 
 to prove my sincerity. Say, is it a bargain or not?" 
 
 '• I never yet heard of a poor man who could 
 withstand his wife's argumentji. backed witli one 
 hundred and twenty Louis,' said Eustaciie smiling, 
 and sweepiiii; the money off the tible. 
 
 " I presume you have no objection to start to- 
 night ? Tliat will be ten Louis more in your favor," 
 repliel O'Brien. 
 
 "I shall earn them,' replied Eustache; "th«
 
 234 PET£R SIMPLE. 
 
 Booner I am off the better, for I could not long 
 conceal ycu here. The young frow with you is, 1 
 suppose, your companion that ray wife mentioned. 
 He has begun to sutfer hardships early. Come, 
 now, sit down and talk, for nothing can be done 
 till dark." 
 
 O'Brien narrated the adventures attending our 
 escape, at which Eustache laughed heartily 3 the 
 more so, at the mistake which his wife was under, 
 as to the obligations to the family. " If 1 did not 
 feel inclined to assist you before, I do now, just for 
 the laugh I shall have at her when I come back, 
 and if she wants any more assistance -for the sake 
 of her relations, I shall remind her of this anecdote ; 
 but she's a good woman and a good wit'e to boot, 
 only too fond of her sisters." At dusk he equipped 
 ■jis both in sailors' jackets and trousers, and desired 
 us to follow him boldly. He passed the guard, who 
 knew him well. ''.What to sea already 1" said one. 
 " You have quarrelled with your wife." At which 
 they all laughed, and we joined. We gained the 
 beach, jumped into his little boat, pulled off to his 
 vessel, and, in a few minutes, were under weigh. 
 With a strong tide and a fair wind we were soon 
 clear of the Scheldt, and the next morning a cutter 
 hove in sight. We steered for her, ran under 
 her lee, O'Brien hailed tor a boat, and Eustache 
 receiving my bill for the remainder of his money, 
 wished us success 3 we shook hands, and in a few 
 minutes, found ourselves once more under the 
 British peimant.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 235 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 Adrenlum at home — I am iotrndiiced to my grxndr.itJier — He obtaint 
 cmplxyor-nl Tor O'Brieu atid roe, and we join a .''rignte. 
 
 As sojn as we were on the deck of the cutter, 
 the lieutenant commanding her inquired of us, ia 
 a consequential manner, who we were. O'Brien 
 replied that we were English prisoners who had 
 escaped . '' O, midshipmen, I presume," replied the 
 lieutenant} "1 heard that some had contrived to 
 get away." 
 
 "My'name, sir/' said O'Brien, ''is lieutenant 
 O'Brien ; and if you'll send for a Steel's List, I will 
 have the honor of pointing it out to you. This 
 young gentleman is Mr. Peter Simple, midshipman, 
 and grnndson to the Right Honorable Lora Vis- 
 count Privilege " 
 
 The lieutenant, who was a little snub-nosed man, 
 with a pimply face, then altered his manner towards 
 us, and begged we would step down into the caliin, 
 where he otfcred, what perhaps was the greatest 
 of all luxuries to us. some English cheese and bot- 
 tled porter. " Pray,'' said lie, " did you see any 
 thing of one of my'officers, who was taken prisoner 
 when I was sent with despatches to the Mediter- 
 ranean fleet 7" 
 
 " May I ask the name of your lively little craft ?" 
 taid O'Brien. 
 
 " The Snapper," replied the lieutenant. 
 
 "Och. murder! sure enough we met him. He 
 was sent to Verdun, but we had the pleasure of his 
 company en route as far as Montpellicr. A remark- 
 ably genteel, well-dressed young man, was he not f" 
 
 "Why, I can't say much aljout his gentility; 
 indeed, I am not much of a judge. .\s for liiis 
 dress, he ought to have dressed well, but he never 
 did when on board of me. His father is my tailor, 
 and I took him as midshipman, just to square an 
 account between us."
 
 £36 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " That's exactly what I thought," replied O'Brien. 
 He did not say any more, which I was glad of, as 
 the lieutenant might not have been pleased at what 
 had occurred. 
 
 •'^V^len do you expect to run into port?" de- 
 manded O'Brien ; for we were rather anxious to 
 put our feet ashore again in old England. The 
 lieutenant replied that his cruise was nearly up ; 
 and he considered our arrival quite sufficient reason 
 for him to run in directly, and that he intended to put 
 his helm up after the people had had their dinner. 
 We were much delighted with this intelligence, 
 and still more to see the intention put into execu- 
 tion half an hour afterwards. 
 
 In three days we anchored at Spithead, and went 
 on shore with the lieutenant to report ourselves to 
 the admiral. O ! with what joy did I first put my 
 foot on the shingle beach at Sallyport, and then 
 hasten to the post-office to put in a long letter 
 which I had written to my mother ! We did not 
 go to the admiral's, but merely reported ourselves 
 at the admiral's office ; for we had no clothes fit to 
 appear in. But we called at Meredith's the tailor, 
 and he promised that, by the next morning, we 
 should be fitted complete. We then ordered new 
 hats, and every thing we required, and went to the 
 Fountain inn. O'Brien refused to go to the Blue 
 Posts, as being only a receptacle for midshipmen. 
 By eleven o'clock the next morning, we were fit to 
 appear before the admiral, who received us very 
 kindly, and requested our company to dinner. As 
 I did not intend setting off for home until I had 
 received an answer from my mother, we, of course, 
 accepted the invitation. 
 
 There was a large party of naval officers and la- 
 dies, and O'Brien amused them very much during 
 dinner. When the ladies left the room, the admir- 
 al's wife told me to come up wit^ them; and when 
 we arrived at the drawing-room, the ladies all gath
 
 PETER SIMPLE 237 
 
 ered round me, and I had lo narrate llie whole of 
 my adventures, which very much entertained and 
 interested them. The next morning 1 received a 
 letter from my mother — sucli a kind one I entreat- 
 ing me to come home as fast as I could, and bring 
 my preserver O'Brien with me. I showed it to 
 O'Brien, and asked him whether he would accom- 
 pany me. 
 
 " Why, Peter, my boy, I have a little business 
 of some' importance to transact ; whicli is, to obtain 
 my arrears of pay, and some prize-money which I 
 find due. When I have settled that point, I will 
 go to town to pay my respects to the hrst lord of 
 ihe admiralty, arid then 1 think I will go and see 
 your father and mother ; for, until I know how 
 matters stand, and whether I shall be able to go 
 with spare cash in my pocket, 1 do not wish to see 
 my own family ; so write down your address here, 
 and you'll be sure I'll come, if it is only to square 
 my account with you, for I am not a little in your 
 debt." 
 
 1 cashed a check sent by my father, and set off 
 in the mail that night ; the ne.xt evening I arrived 
 safe home. But 1 shall leave the reader to imagine 
 the scene : to my mother I w.is always dear, and 
 circumstances had rendered me of some importance 
 to my father ; for I was now an only son, and his 
 proHpects were very different to what they were 
 when 1 left home. About a week afterwards, 
 O'Brien joined us, having got tlirouuh all his busi- 
 ness. His first art was to account with my father 
 for his share of the expenses; and he even insisted 
 upon paying his half ot the filly ]\'apol(!ons given 
 me l)y Cflestf, which had been reniitt<'d to a i)aiik- 
 cr at Paris before O'Brien's arrival with a guarded 
 letter of ihanks irom my father to colonel O'Brien, 
 and anotlier from me to «lear little Celeste. When 
 0'Bri»:n li.id remained with us about a week, he 
 lold me t.'iat h.- had about one hundred a*- J Bixty
 
 233 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 pounds in his pocket, and that he intended to go 
 and see his friends, as he was sure that he would be 
 v.elccnie even to 1-atlier M-Urath. •• 1 mean to stay 
 wiih them about a fortniglit, and shall then return 
 and apply for employment. iSow, Peter, will you 
 like to be again under my protection V 
 
 " O'Brien, I will never quit you or your ship, if I 
 can help it." 
 
 " Spoken like a sensible Peter. Well, then, I 
 was promised immediate employment, and I will let 
 you know as soon as tiie promise is performed." 
 
 O'Brien took his leave of my family, who were 
 already very partial to him, and left that afternoon 
 for Holyhead. My lather no longer treated me as 
 a child ; indeed, it would have been an injustice if 
 he had. I do not mean to say that I was a clever boy 3 
 but I had seen much of the world in a short time, 
 and could act and think for myseif. He often talked 
 to me about his prospects, which were verv diiierent 
 from what they were when 1 left him. My two un- 
 cles, his elder brothf^rs, had died, the third was 
 married and had two daughters. If he had no son, 
 my father would succeed to the title. The deatli of 
 my elder brother Tom. had brought me next in suc- 
 cession. My grandfather, lord Privilege, who had 
 taken no more notice of my father than occasional- 
 ly sending him a basket of game, had latterly often 
 invited him to tlie house, and had even requested, 
 some day or another, to see his wife and family. 
 He had also made a handsome addition to my fa- 
 ther's income, which the death of my two uncles 
 had enabled him to do. Against all this, my uncle's 
 wife was reported to be again in the family way. 
 I cannot say that I was pleased when my father 
 used to speculate upon these chances so often as 
 he did. 1 thought, not only as a man, Dut more 
 particularly as a clergyman, he was much to blame ; 
 but 1 did not tl:en kiiow so much of the world. 
 We had not heard from O'Brien for two montlis, 
 
 i
 
 PKTER SIMPLE. 239 
 
 when a letter arrived, stating that he had seen his 
 family, and bou(,'ht a few acres of land, which had 
 made them all quite happy, and had quitted with 
 Father M'Grath's double blessing, witli unlimited 
 absulutiun ; that he had now been a month in town 
 trvmg for employment, but found that he could not 
 obtain it, although one promise was backed up by 
 another. 
 
 A few dnys after this, my father received a note 
 from lord Privilege, requesting he would come and 
 spend a few days with hini, and bring his son Peter 
 who had escaped I'rum the I-'rencli prison. Of 
 course, Uiis was an invitation not to be neglected 
 and we accepted it forthwith. 1 must say, 1 felt 
 rather in awe of my grandfather ; he had kept the 
 family at such a distance, that i had always heard 
 his name mentioned more with reverence than with 
 any leeling of kindred, but 1 was wiser now. We 
 arrived at Kngle Park, a splendid estate where he 
 resided, and were received by a dozen servants in 
 and out of livery, and ushered into his presence. 
 
 He wan in his library, a large room, surrounded 
 with handsome bookcases, sitting on an easy chair. 
 A more venerable, placid old gentleman I nevei 
 beheld ; his gray hairs hung down on each side of 
 his temples, and were collected in a small queue 
 behind. He rose and bowed, as we were announced j 
 to my father he held out two fingers in salutation, 
 to me only on£, but there was an elegance in ti.e 
 manner in which it was done which was indescriba- 
 ble. He waved his hands t<i cliairs, placed by the 
 giTitlemtn out ot" livery, and reciuested we would bo 
 Bcated. I could not at that time help thinking of 
 Mr. Chucks, llie boat-swain. and his remarks upon 
 high breeding, which were so true ; and I lauglierl 
 to aivbtlf ulien I recollected that Sir. ('huck» hid 
 ODce dined witli tiiiu. .\s boon as the servants had 
 quitted the room, the distance on tlie part of my 
 granUfather appcircd to wear oH' He inl»-rrogatea
 
 2^0 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 me on several points, and seeraed pleased wiib my 
 replies; but he always called me •' child." After a 
 conversation of half an hour, my father rose, say- 
 ing that his lordship must be busy, and that lie 
 would go over the grounds till dinner-time. My 
 grandfather rose, and we took a sort of lormal leave ; 
 but it was not a formal leave after all, it was high 
 breeding, respecting yourself and respecting others. 
 For my part, I was pleased with the first interview, 
 and so' I told my father after we had left the room. 
 *• My dear Peter,"' replied he, '• your grandfather 
 has one idea which absorbs most others — the peer- 
 age, the estate, and the descent of it in the riglit 
 line. As long as your uncles were alive, we were 
 not thought of. as not being in the line oif descent ; 
 nor should we now, but that ycur uncle William has 
 only daughters. Still we are not looked upon as 
 actual, but only contingent, inheritors of the title. 
 Were your uncle to die to-morrow, the difference 
 in bis behavior would be manifested immediately." 
 
 '•That is to say, instead o? tv:o fir '^crs yon would 
 receive the whole baud, and instead of one, I should 
 obtain promotion to two/' 
 
 At this my father laughed heartily, saying, " Pe- 
 ter, vou have exactly hit the mark. I cannot im- 
 agine how we ever could have been so blind, as to 
 call you the fool of the family." 
 
 To this I made no reply, for it was difficult so to 
 do without depreciating others or depreciating my- 
 self; but I changed the subject by commenting up- 
 on the beauties of the park, and the splendid tim- 
 ber with which it was adorned. '• Yes, Peter," re- 
 plied my father, with a sigh, " thirty-five thousand 
 a year in land, money in the funds, and timber 
 •worth at least forty thousand more, are not to be 
 despised. But God wills every thing." After this 
 remark, my father appeared to be in deep thought, 
 and I did not interrupt him. 
 
 We stayed ten days with my grandfather, during
 
 vihifh he would oHcn detain me for two hours after 
 broaklhst, listening to my adventures, and 1 really 
 liL'lif've was very partial to me. The day before I 
 v.Liil auay he said, "' Child, you arc uoinjr to-raor- 
 r<j-.v ; now tell me \\ hat you would like, as I wish 
 tuLivo><)ua t/jken of rcj;ard. Don't be afraid: 
 what shall it be — a watch and seals, or-«— any tiling 
 you most fanry ?" 
 
 '•My lord,'" replied I, "if you wish to do me a 
 favor, it is, that you will apply to the first lord of 
 the Admiralty to appoint lieutenant O'Brien to a 
 line frigate, and at the same lime, ask for a vacancy 
 ns midshipma:! for me." 
 
 '• O'Brien '.'' rei)licd his lordship ; " I recollect it 
 wa.s he who accompanied you from France, and ap- 
 nrars. by your account to have been a true friend. 
 1 am pleased with your request my child, and it 
 bhall be granted.'' 
 
 111:^ lordbltip then desired me to hand him the 
 paper and ink-ftaiiJ, wrote by my directions, sealed 
 the Icttrr, ana told me he v. ouUf srnd me the an- 
 swer. The next day wc ()uittcd Kagle Park, his 
 lordshij) wishing my father good-bye with (wo fin- 
 gers, and to me extending one, as before ; but he 
 said, " 1 am pleased with yoti, child ; you may write 
 occasionally." 
 
 When we were on our route home, my father ob- 
 served that " I had made more progress with my 
 grandfather than he had known any one to do, since 
 he could recdllect. His sayin;,' tliat you might write 
 to him is at least ten thousand pounds to you in his 
 will, for he never deceives any one. or changes his 
 luiad.'' My reply was, that 1 should like to see 
 the ten thousand [>ound9, but that I was not so san- 
 guine. 
 
 A few days after our return home, I received a 
 letter and enclosure from lord Privilege, the con- 
 tents of which were as follow : — 
 
 vol.. I. IG
 
 Wa PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " My dear Child, — I send you Lord 'a an- 
 swer, which I trust will prove satisfactory. My 
 complimeiifc! to your family. 
 
 " Yours, etc. 
 
 "Privilege.'' 
 
 The enclosure was a handsome letter from the 
 first lord, stating that lie had appointed O'Brien to 
 the Sanglier frigate, and had ordered me to be re- 
 ceived on board as midshipman. I was delighted 
 to forward this letter to OBrien's address, wiio in 
 a few days sent me an answer, thanking me, and 
 stating that he had received his appointment, and 
 that I need not join for a month, which was quite 
 time enough, as the ship was refitting ; but, that if 
 my family were tired of me, which was sometimes 
 the case in the best regulated families, why, then 
 1 should learn something of my duty by coining to 
 Portsmouth. He concluded by sending his kind re- 
 gard to all the family, and his'torc to my grandfa- 
 ther, which last I certainly did not forward in my 
 letter of thanks. About a month afterv.ards I re- 
 ceived a letter from O'Brien, stating that the ship 
 was readv to go out of harbor, and would be an- 
 chored olt Spithead in a few days. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIL 
 
 Captain and Mr». To— Pork— We go to Plymouib, and fall in wiiJi our 
 old captain. 
 
 1 IMMEDIATELY took leave of my family, and 
 »et off for Portsmouth, and in two days arrived at 
 the Fountain inn, where O'Brien was waiting to 
 rp««ive me. " Peter, my boy, I feel so much
 
 PETKR SIMPLE. 243 
 
 obliged to you. that if your uncle won t go out of 
 the world by fair means, I'll pick a quarrel with 
 him. and shoot him, on purpose that you may be a 
 lord, as I am determined tliat you shall be. Now 
 come up into my room, where we'll be all alone, 
 and I'll tell you all about the ship and our new cap- 
 tain. In the first place we'll begiji with the ship, 
 as the most important personage of the two : she's 
 a beauty. I forget her name before she was taken, 
 but the Trench know how to build ships better than 
 keep them. She's now called the Sanglicr, which 
 means a wild pig, and by the powers', a pi^ ship 
 she is, as you will hear directly. The captain's 
 name is a very short one, and wouldn't please Mr. 
 Chucks, consisting only of two letters, T and O, 
 which makes, To j his whole title is captain John 
 To. It would almost appear as if somebody h.id 
 l)roken off the bettor halt of his name, and" only 
 left him the commencement of it ; but, however, 
 it's a handv name to .sij»n when he pays oft' his ship. 
 And now I'll tell you what sort of a looking craft he 
 is. He's built like a Dutch schuyt, great breadth of 
 beam, and verv square tiic\. He rnplied to have the 
 quarter galleries enlarged in the last two ships he 
 commanded. He weighs about eighteen stone, 
 rather more than les.". He is a good natured sort of 
 a chap, amazingly ungenttel, not much of an officer, 
 not much of a sailor, but a devilish good hand at 
 the trencher. Hut he's only a part of tiie ct-ncern j 
 he has his wife on board, who is a red-hcrrin;j sort 
 of a lady, and <cry troub!r5;omo to boot. What 
 makes her still more annoying ir-, that phe has a 
 piano on boanl. very much out of tunc, on which 
 she plays very much out of time. Holy-stoning is 
 nrnsic compared to her playing. Even the captain's 
 spaniel howls when she comes to the high notes; 
 but she affcrt.s the tine lady, and always treats the 
 officers with music when they dine in the cabin, 
 which makes them very glad to get out of it."
 
 i>44 PETKK SlMTLr.. 
 
 '' Biit O'Brien, 1 thouglit wives were not pcrmit- 
 lod on board." 
 
 '• Aery true, but there's the worst part in the 
 man's ciiaracter 3 he knows that he is not allowed 
 to lake his wife to sea, and, in consequence, he 
 never sa}s she is his wite, or presents lier on shore 
 to anybody. If -iny of the other captains ask liow 
 Mrs. To is to-day ? ' Why," lie replies, ' pretty 
 well, 1 thank you ;' but at the same time he gives 
 a kind of smirk, as if to say, • She is not my wife ;' 
 although every body knows that she is, vet he prefers 
 that they should think otherwise, rather than be at 
 the expense of keeping her on shore 5 for you know, 
 roter, that although there are regulations about 
 wives, there are none with regard to otl:cr women.'' 
 
 " But dees his wife know this ?" inquired I. 
 
 •• I believe, from m.y heart, she is a party to the 
 whole transaction, for report says, that she would 
 skin a flint if she could. She's always trying for 
 presents from the officers, and, in fact she commands 
 the ship." 
 
 '•' lleally, O'Brien, this is not a very pleasant pros- 
 pect.'' 
 
 " Whist ! wait a little ; now I come to the wind- 
 up. This captain 'J'o is very partial to pig's male, 
 and V. e have as many live pigs on board as we have 
 pigs of ballast. The first lieutenant is right mad 
 about them. At the same lime he allows no pigs 
 but his own on hoard, that there may be no confu- 
 sion. The manger is full of pigs ; there are two 
 cow-pens between the main-deck guns drawn from 
 the dock-yard, and converted into pig-pens. Tlie 
 two sheep-pens amidships are full of pigs, and the 
 geese and turkey-coops are divided off into apart- 
 ments for four soics in the fanAlij way. jVow, Pe- 
 ter, you iec ti:ere"s little or no cvpcnse in keeping 
 pigs on board of a large frigate, w ith so much faij- 
 soup and whole peas for them to eat, and this is 
 the reason why he keeps them, for the devil a bit
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 24o 
 
 of any other stock has lie on board. I presume he 
 means to milk one of the old sows for breakfast 
 when the ship sails. The first thing that he docs 
 in the morning, is to go round to his pigs with the 
 butcher, feeling one, scratching the dirty cars of 
 another, then he classes them — his bacon pigs, his 
 porkers, his breeding sows, and £o on. The old boar 
 is still at the stables of this inn, but I hear he is to 
 come on board with the sailing orders ; but he is 
 very savage, and is therefore led on shore to the 
 very last moment. IS'ow really. Peter, what with 
 the squealing of the pigs and his wife's piano, we 
 are almost driven mad. I don't know which is tlie 
 worst of the two : if you go afl you hear the one, 
 if you go forward you hear the other, bv way of 
 variety, and that, they say, is charming, but, is it 
 not shocking that such a beautiful frigate sliould be 
 turned into a pig-sty, and that her main-deck should 
 smell worse tnan a muck-heap V 
 
 " But how does his wife like the idea of living 
 only upon hog's flesh?" 
 
 •* She 1 Lord bless you, Peter! why, she looks as 
 spare as a sh.nrk, and she h.is just tlic appetite of 
 one, for she'll boll a four-pound piece of pork be- 
 fore it's well put on her plate." 
 
 '■ Have you any more such pleasant intelligence 
 to communicate, O'Brien ?"' 
 
 '• .No. I'cter, vou Imve the worst of it. The lieu- 
 tenants are goml ofticers, and pleasant mess-mates ; 
 the doctor is a little cpieer, and the purser thinks 
 himself a wag ; the master, an old north country- 
 man, who knows his duty, and takes his glass of 
 grog. The midshipmen are a very genteel set of 
 young men, and full of fun and frolic. Til bet a 
 wager there'll be a bobbery in the pig-sty before long 
 for they are ripe for misrhicf Now, Peter, 1 hard- 
 ly need say that my cabin and every thing 1 have is 
 at your service ; and I think if we could only have 
 a devil of a gale of wind, or a hard-fought action,
 
 246 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 to send the pig's overboard and smash the piano, we 
 should do very well." 
 
 The nextday 1 went on board , and was shown down 
 into the cabin, to report my having joined. Mrs. 
 To. a tall thin woman, was at her piano 3 she rose, 
 and asked me several questions, — who my friends 
 were — how much they allowed me a year, and ma- 
 ny other questions, which I thought impertinent : 
 but a captain's wife is allowed to take liberties. She 
 then asked me if I was fond of music I That was 
 a difficult question, as. if 1 said that I was. i should 
 in all probability be obliged to hear it 3 if 1 said 
 that I v.as not, I might have created a dislike in 
 her. So 1 replied that I was very fond of music on 
 shore, when it was not interrupted by other noise. 
 "Ah ! then I perceive you are a real amateur, Mr. 
 Simple,'' replied the lady. 
 
 Captain To then came out of the after-cabin, 
 half dressed. '■ Well, youngster, so ycuve joined 
 at last. Come and dine with us to-day 5 and as you 
 go down to your berth, desire tlie sentry to pass the 
 word for the butcher 5 I want to speak'with him." 
 
 I bowed and retired. I was met in the most 
 friendly manner by the officers and by my own 
 messmates, who had been prepossessed in my favor 
 by O'Brien, previous to my arrival. In our service 
 you always find young men of the best families on 
 board large frigates, they being considered the most 
 eligible class of vessels 5 I found rny messmates to 
 be gentlemen, with one or two exceptions, but I 
 never met so many wild young lads together. 1 sat 
 down and ate some dinner with them, although I 
 was to dine in the cabin, for the sea air made me 
 hungry. 
 
 " Don't you dine in the cabin, Simple V said the 
 caterer. 
 
 " Yes," replied I. 
 
 " Then don't eat any pork, my boy, now, for you'll 
 have plenty there. Come, gentlemen, fill your
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 147 
 
 glasses : we'll drink happiness to our new messmate, 
 and plediiini^ him, we pledge ourselves to try to 
 promote it." 
 
 '• I'll just join you in that toast," said O'Brien, 
 walking into the midshipman's berth. " What is it 
 you're drinking it in ?" 
 
 " Some of Collier's port, sir. Boy, bring a glass 
 for Mr. O'Brien.'' 
 
 " Here's vour health, Peter, and wishing vou may 
 keep out of* a French prison this cruise. Mr. Mon- 
 tague, as caterer, 1 beg you will order anotlier can- 
 dle, that I may see what's on the table, and then 
 perhaps I may find something 1 should like to pick 
 a bit off." 
 
 " Here's the fag end of a leg of mutton, Mr. 
 O'Brien, and there's a piece of boiled pork." 
 
 " Then I'll just trouble you for a bit close to the 
 knuckle. Peter, vou dine in the cabin, so do I — 
 the doctor refused." 
 
 " Have you heard when we sail, Mr. O'Brien ?" 
 inquired one of my messmates. 
 
 •* I heard at tlie ailmiral's office, that we were 
 expected to be ordered round to Plymouth, and re- 
 ceive our orders there, either for the East or West 
 Indies, they thought ; and, indeed, the stores we 
 have taken on board indicate that we are going for- 
 eign, but the captain's signal is just made, and pro- 
 bably the admiral has intelligence to communicate." 
 
 In about an hour afterwards the captain returned, 
 looking very red and hot. He called the first lieu- 
 tenant aside from the rest of the officers, who were 
 on deck to receive him, and told him, that we were 
 to start for Plymouth the next morning ; and the 
 admiral liad told him confidentially, tliat we were to 
 proceed to the West Indies with a conyoy, which 
 was then collecting. He appeared to be very much 
 
 alarmed at the idea of going to make a feast for the 
 
 ilv hii 
 rendered him very unfit for the climate. This a«i 
 
 land-crabs ; and certainly his gro«s habit of bodj
 
 »» PETER Si-MFLE. 
 
 was scon spread ihrcugh the i;l.ip, mid there was of 
 course no little bustle and preparation. The doctcr, 
 who had refused to dir.c iti the cabin, upon plea of 
 being unwell., sent up to say, that he felt himself 
 BO much belter that lie would have great plea.<;urc 
 to attend the Eumnici:s, and he joined the first 
 lieutenant, O'Brien, and I, as v.e walked in. V.'e 
 sat down to table 5 the covers were removed, and a-s 
 the midshipman prophesied, there v.as plenty ef 
 pork — mock-turtle soup, made out of a pig's head — 
 a boiled leg of pork and peas pudding — a roast spare- 
 rib, with tlie crackling on — sausages and potatoes 
 and pigs pettitoes. I caunot siv that I diblikcd my 
 dinner, and I ate very hcaitil}'; but a rcabt sucking- 
 pig came on as a second course, which rather sur- 
 prised me : but what surprised me moie, was the 
 quantity devoured by Mrs. To. She handed her plate 
 from the boiled pork to t!:e roast, asked for some 
 pettitoes, tried the sausages, and finished with a 
 whole plateful of sucking-pig and ituffing. We had 
 an apple-pie at the end, but as we had already eaten 
 apple-sauce with the rcast perk, we did not care fcr 
 it. The doctcr, who abomirated pork, ate pretty 
 well, and was excessively attentive to !Mrs. To. 
 " Will you not take a piece of the roast pig, doctor?" 
 said the captain. 
 
 '• Why, really, captain To, as we are bound by 
 all reports, to a station where wc must not venture 
 upon pork, I think 1 will not refuse to take a piece, 
 for I am very fond of it." 
 
 " How do you mean ?"' inquired the captain and 
 his lady, botli" in a breath. 
 
 ''Perhaps I may be wrongly informed," replied 
 the doctor ; " but I have heard that we were order- 
 ed to the West Indies ; now, if so, every one 
 knows, that although you may eat salt pork there 
 occasionally, without danger, in all tropical cli- 
 mates, and especially the W'.'&t Indies two or three
 
 PtTKK blMFLt. 219 
 
 days living upon this nirat will inin.tc'.iatel} produce 
 d}5cntcn-, which is always fatal in lliat climate. " 
 
 •• Indeed I" exclaimed the captain. 
 
 •* You dcn't fay so 1"' rcjoii:ccl tl.e lai!y. 
 
 '•1 do indeed; and have alwass avridcd \ht' 
 West Indies Ibr that very reason — 1 am eg fond of 
 pork.'' 
 
 The doctor then proceeded to give i. early one 
 hundred instances, of messmates ai;d shipnicn who 
 bad been attacked with dysentery, from the eating 
 of fret^ii pork in the West Indies 5 and OCrien, 
 perceiving the doctor's drift, joined him, idling 
 some most astonishinfj accounts of the dreadl'ul ef- 
 fects of pork in a hot country. I think he said, 
 that when the French were blockaded, previous to 
 the burrendcr of Martinique, th.at, having nothing 
 but pigs to eat, thirteen liundrcd out of hcvcnteen 
 hundred soldiers and officers died in the course of 
 tJircc weeks, and tlic others were so reduced by 
 disease, that they were obli^-ed to capitulate. The 
 doctor then changed the subject, and talked about 
 tlic \cllow fever, and otht - diseases of tl.(! climate, 
 so that, by his account, the West India islands 
 were but hospitals to die in. Those most likely to 
 be attacked were men in full strcn^i health. J'hc 
 spare men stood a better chance, 'i'his conversa- 
 tion was carried on until it was time to leave — Mrs. 
 To at last quite silent, and the captain uulpini; down 
 his wine with a si^h. When we rose from table. 
 Mri. To, did not :isk us, as usual, to stay and hear 
 a little music j she was, like her piano, not a little 
 out of tunc. 
 
 " By the powers, doctor, you did that nately,'' 
 said d'Brien.as we left the cabin. 
 
 '• O Bricn," said the doctor, " oblige me, and you, 
 Mr. Simple, oblige me also, by not saying a word 
 in the ship about what I have said ; if it once gets 
 wind, 1 shall have done no good ; but if you both 
 hold your tongues for a short time, I think I may
 
 250 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 promise you to get rid of captain To, his wife, and 
 nis pigs." We perceived the justice of his observa- 
 tion; and promised secrecy. The next morning the 
 ship sailed for Plymouth, and Mrs. To sent for the 
 doctor, not being very well. The doctor prescribed 
 for her, and I believe, on my conscience, made her 
 worse on purpose. The illness of his wife, and his 
 own fears, brought captain To more than usual in 
 contact with the -doctor, of whom he frequently 
 asked his candid opinion, as to his own chance in a 
 hot country. 
 
 '• Captain To," said the doctor, " I never would 
 have given my opinion, if you had not asked it, 
 for I am aware, that, as an officer, you would never 
 flinch from your duty, to whatever quarter of the 
 globe you may be ordered; but, as you have asked 
 the question, 1 must say, with your full habit of bo- 
 dy, 1 think you would not stand a chance of living 
 for more than two months. At the same time, sir, 
 I may be mistaken ; but, at all events, I must point 
 out that Mrs. To is of a very bilious habit, and 1 
 trust you will not do such an injustice to an amia- 
 ble woman as to permit her to accompany you." 
 
 " Thanky, doctor, I'm much obliged to you," re- 
 
 {»lied the captain, turning round and going down the 
 adder to his cabin. We were then beating down 
 the channel ; for, although we ran through the Nee- 
 dles with a fair wind, it fell calm, and shifted to the 
 westward, when we were abreast of Portland. The 
 next day the captain gave an order for a very fine pig 
 to be killed, for he was out of provisions. Mrs. To 
 still kept her bed, and he therefore directed that a 
 part should be salted, as he could have no company. 
 I was in the midshipmen's berth, when some of 
 them proposed that we should get possession of the 
 pig; and the plan they agreed upon was as follows :— 
 they were to go to the pen that night, and with a 
 needle stuck in a piece of wood, to prick the p'g 
 all over, and then rub gunpowder into the parta
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 251 
 
 wounded. This was done, and although the butch- 
 er was up a dozen times during the night to ascer- 
 tain what made llie pigs so uneasy, the midshipmen 
 passed the needle from watch to watch, until the pig 
 was well tatooed in all parts. In the morning watch 
 it was killed, and when it had been scalded in the 
 lub, and the hair taken off, it appeared covered with 
 blue spots. 'J'he midshinman of the morning watch, 
 who was on the main-deck, took care to point out 
 to the butcher that the pork was measly, to which 
 the man unwillingly assented, stating at the same 
 time, that he could not imagine how it could be, 
 for a Hncr pig he had never put a knife into. The 
 circumstance was reported to the captain, who was 
 much astonished. J'he doctor came in to visit 
 Mrs. To, and tlie captain requested the doctor to 
 examine the pig, and give his opinion. Although 
 this was not the doctor's province, yet, as he had 
 great reason for keeping intimate with the captain, 
 lie immediately consented. Going forward, he met 
 me. and I told him the secret. "That will do," 
 replied he ; '' it all tends to what we wish." The 
 doctor returned to the captain, and said, "that there 
 was no doubt but that the pig was nieaslv, which 
 was a complaint very frequent on boar^ ships, 
 particularly in hot climates, where all pork became 
 vxfa-iltj — one great reason for its there prov- 
 ing ?o 'unwholesome.'" The captain sent for 
 the first lieutenant, and, with a deep sigh, ordered 
 him to throw the pig overboard ; but the first lieu- 
 tenant, who knew wliat had been done from O'Brien, 
 ordered the nnuUr's mate to throw it overboard ; 
 the master's mate touching his hat, said, "Ay, ay, 
 sir," and took it dovvn into the berth, where we cut 
 it up, salted one half, and the other we finished be- 
 fore we arrived at Plymoutli, which was six days 
 from th<; time we left Portsmouth. On our arrival, 
 we found part of the convoy lying there, but no or- 
 ders lor (IS ; and to my great delight, on the follow-
 
 252 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 ing day, the Diomede arrived, from a cruise off the 
 Western Islands. I obtained permission to go on 
 board v.ith O'Brien, and we once more greeted our 
 messmates. Mr. Falcon, the first lieutenant, went 
 down to captain Savage to say we were on board, 
 and he requested us to come into the cabin. He 
 greeted us warmly, and gave us great credit for the 
 manner in which we had effected our escape. 
 When we left the cabin, I found Mr. Chucks, the 
 boatswain, waiting outside. 
 
 " My dear Mr. Simple, extend your flapper to 
 me, for Fm delighted to see you. I long to have a 
 long talk with you." 
 
 " And I should like it also, Mr. Chucks, but Fm 
 afraid we have not time 3 I dine with captain Sav- 
 age to-day, and it only wants an hour of dinner 
 time.'' 
 
 '• Well, Mr. Simple, I've been looking at your 
 frigate, and she's a beauty — much larger than the 
 Diomede." 
 
 " And she behaves quite as well," replied I. •' 1 
 think we are two hundred tons larger. You ve no 
 idea of her size until you are on her decks." 
 
 '■ I should like to be boatswain of her, Mr. Sim- 
 ple ; that is. Avith captain Savage, for I will not part 
 with him." I had some more conversation with jMr. 
 Chucks, but I was obliged to attend to others, who 
 interrupted us. We had a very pleasant dinner ivith 
 our old captain, to whom Ave gave a history of our 
 adventures, and then we returned on board.
 
 FETEH SIMPLE. 253 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 We jKt rid or the pin and piano-rorte — The Inst bo»t on sliore t>rrore 
 •ailiiig— The first heuteoaiit too hasty, and the consrqiK'urrs to me. 
 
 We waited three days, at the expiration of wliich 
 we heard that captain To was about to e.xchanpe 
 with captain Savage. We could not believe such 
 good news to be true, and we could not ascertain 
 the truth of the report, as the captain had j:one ou 
 shore with Mrs. To, who recovered fast after she 
 was out of our doctor's hands; so fast, indeed, that 
 a week afterwards, on questioning the stewartl, up- 
 on liis return on board, how Mrs. To was, he re- 
 plied, "O charming well again, sir. she has eaten a 
 whole pig since she left the ship."' But the report 
 was true ; captain To, afraid to go to the West In- 
 dies, had eflecled an exchange with captain Savage. 
 Captain Savage was permitted, as was the custom 
 of the scnice, to bring his first lieutenant, his boat- 
 swain, and his barge's crew with him. lie joined 
 a day or two before we sailed, and never was there 
 more joy on board ; the only people miserable were 
 the first lieutenant, and those belonging to tiic San- 
 plier who were obliged to follow cajjtain To; who 
 with his wife, his pigs, and iier piano, were all got 
 rid of in the course of one forenoon, 
 
 I have already described pay-day on board of a 
 man-of-war, but I tlimk, that the two days before 
 Bailing are even more unj)Iea:ant; allhoujili ;.'ener- 
 ally speaking, all our money being spent, we ,iie not 
 sorry when we once arc fairly out of liiulur, and 
 find ourselves in bhif u^aler. The men never work 
 well on those days ; they are thinking of their wives 
 and sweelhrarts, of the pleasure they liad when at 
 Hbcrty on shore, where they might gi-t drunk with- 
 out punishmrnl j and many of them arc eitlier half 
 drunk at the time, or suffering from the eflccts of 
 previouB intoxication. The chip is in disorder, and
 
 254 PEIER SIMPLE. 
 
 crowded with the variety of stock and spare stores 
 which are obliged to be taken on board in a hurry, 
 and have not yet been properly secured in their 
 places. The first lieutenant is cross, the officers 
 are grave, and the poor midshipmen, with all their 
 own little troubles to attend to, are harassed and 
 driven about like post horses. " Mr. Simple/' in- 
 quired the first lieutenant, " where do you come 
 from ?" 
 
 " From the gun wharf, sir, with the gunner's 
 spare blocks, and breechings." 
 
 '• Very well — send the marines aft to clear the 
 boat, and pipe away the first cutter. Mr. Simple, 
 jump into the first cutter, and go to Mount Wise 
 for tne officers. Be careful that none of your men 
 leave the boat. Come, be smart." 
 
 Now, I had been away the whole morning, and it 
 was then half-past one, and I had had no dinner: 
 but I said nothinsr, and went into the boat. As soon 
 as I was off, O'Brien, who stood by Mr. Falcon, 
 said, " Peter was thinking of his dinner, poor fel- 
 low." 
 
 " I really quite forgot it," replied the first lieu- 
 tenant, " there is so much to do. He is a willing 
 boy, and he shall dine in the gun-room when he 
 comes back." And so I did — so I lost nothing by 
 not expostulating, and gained more of the favor of 
 the first lieutenant, who never forgot what he called 
 zeal. But the hardest trial of the whole, is to the 
 midshipman who is sent with the boat to purchase 
 the supplies for the cabin and gun-room on the day 
 before the ship's sailing. It was my misfortune to 'De 
 ordered upon that service this time, and that very 
 unexpectedly. I had been ordered to dress my- 
 self to take the gig on shore for the captain's or- 
 ders, and was walking the deck with my very best 
 uniform and side arms, when the marine officer, 
 who was the gun-room caterer, came up to the first 
 lieutenant, and asked him for a boat. The boat was
 
 PETER SIMPLE 255 
 
 manned, and a midshipman ordered to take charge 
 of it; but when he came up, the first lieutenant 
 recollecting that he had come off two days before 
 with only half his boat's crew, would not trust him, 
 and called out to me, " Here, Mr. Simple. I must 
 6cnd you in this boat ; mind you are careful that 
 none of the men leave it ; and bring off the sergeant 
 of marines, who is on shore looking for the men 
 who have broken their liberty." Although I could 
 not but feel proud of the compliment, yet I did not 
 much like going in my very betst uniform, and would 
 have run down and changed it, but the marine offi- 
 cer and all the people were in the boat, and 1 could 
 not keep it waiting ; so down the pide I went, and 
 we shoved off. We had, besides the boat's crew, 
 the marine officer, the purser, the gun-room stew- 
 ard, the captain's steward, and the purser's steward j 
 BO that we were pretty full. It blew hard from the 
 S. E., and there was a sea running, but as the tide 
 was flowing into the harbor there was not much bub- 
 ble. We noisted the foresail flew before the wind 
 and tide, and in a Quarter of an hour were at Mut- 
 ton Cove, where the marine officer expressed his 
 wish to land. The landing place was crowded with 
 boats, and it was not without sundry exchanges of 
 foul words and oaths, and tJie bow men dashing the 
 points of their boat-hooks into the shore boats, to 
 make them keep clear of us, that we forced our 
 way to the beach, The marine officer and all the 
 stewanls then left tho boat, and I had to look after 
 the men. I had not l)een there three minutes be- 
 fore the bow man said that his wife was on the 
 wharf with his clothes from the wash, and begged 
 leave to go and fetch them. I refused, telling him 
 that she could bring them to him. " Vy now, Mr. 
 Simple,'' said the woman, " arn't you a nice lady'a 
 man. to go for to ax me to muddle my wav through 
 all them dead dogs, cabbage stalks, anif stinking 
 Hake's heads, with my bran new shoes and cleau
 
 ?:-e PF.TER SIMPLE. 
 
 stockings ?" I looked at lier, and sure ennugli slie 
 vv-as, as they say in France, bie7i chaussee. " Come, 
 Mr. Simple, let him out to come for his clothes, and 
 
 fou'll see that he's back in a moment." I did not 
 ike to refuse her, as it was very dirty and wet, and 
 the shingle was strewed with all that she had men- 
 tioned. The bow man made a spring out with his 
 boat-hook, threw it back, went up to his wife, and 
 commenced talking with her, while 1 watched him. 
 " If you please, sir, there's my young woman come 
 down, mayn't I speak to her V said another of the 
 men. I turned round and refused him. He expos- 
 tulated, and begged very hard, but I was resolute j 
 however, when I again turned my eyes to watch the 
 bow man, he and his wife were gone. " There,'' 
 says I to the coxswain. '• I knew it would be so j 
 you see Hickman is off." 
 
 '•' Only gone to take a parting glass, sir,'* repHed 
 the coxswain : " he'll be here directly." 
 
 '•' I hope so; but I'm afraid not." After this, I 
 refused all the solicitations of the men to be allowed 
 to leave the boat, but I permitted them to have some 
 beer brought down to them. The gun-room stew- 
 ard then came back with a basket of soft tack, i. e. 
 loaves of bread, and told me ihat the marine officer 
 requested that I would allow two of the men to go 
 up with him to Glencross' shop, to bring down some 
 of the stores, Of course, I sent two of the men, 
 and told the steward if he saw Hickman, to bring 
 him down to the boat. 
 
 By this time many of the women belonging to 
 the ship had assembled, and commenced a noisy 
 conversation with the boat's crew. One brought 
 one article for Jim, another some clothes for Billj 
 some of them climbed into the boat, and sat with 
 the men — others came and went, bringing beer and 
 tobacco, which the men desired them to purchase. 
 The crowd, the noise.and confusion, were so great, 
 that it was with the utmost difficulty that I could
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 257 
 
 keep my eyea on all my men, who, one after anoth- 
 er, made an attempt to leave the boat. Just at that 
 time came down the sergeant of marines, with 
 three of our men whom he had picked up, roaring 
 drunk. They were tumbled into the boat, and in- 
 creased the difficulty, as in looking after liiose who 
 were riotous, and would try to leave the boat by 
 force, 1 was not so well able to keep my eyes on 
 those who were sober. The sergeant then went up 
 after another man, and I told him also about Hick- 
 man. About half an hour afterwards the steward 
 came down with thr two men. loaded with cabbages, 
 baskets of eggs, strings of onions, crockery of all 
 descriptions, paper parcels of groceries, legs and 
 shoulders of mutton, which were crowded in, until 
 not only the stem sheets, but all under the thwarts 
 of the boat were also crammed full. Thoy told 
 me that they had a few things more to bring down, 
 and that the marine officer h.id gone to Stone- 
 house to see his wife, so tli.nt they should be down 
 long before him. In half an hour more, during 
 which 1 had the greatest difficulty to manage the 
 boat's crew, llirv returned with a dozen geese and 
 two ducks tied hy the legs, but without tlio two 
 men, who had given them the slip, «o that there 
 were now three men gone, and I knew Mr. Falcon 
 would l>e very angry, for thev were three of the 
 smartoBt men in the ship. I was now determined not 
 to run the risk of hising more men, and I ordered 
 the boat's crew to shove off, tliat I might lie at the 
 wharf, where they could not flinib up. They were 
 very mutinous, grumbled very much, and would 
 hanily obey me : tlie fact is, they had drunk a great 
 deal, and some of them were more tlian hiiif tipsy. 
 However, at last I was obeyed, but not witlmut be- 
 inpf saluted with a shower of jnvoctivos from the 
 women, and tlif f.Terrations of thr n)en Iwlongmflr 
 to tlie whcrriep and .'/lorf-boats which werr washed 
 against our !<ide9 bv the swell. The weatimr had 
 vol. I 17'
 
 258 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 become much worse and looked very threatening. 
 I waited an hour more, when the sergeant of ma- 
 rines came down \%ith two more men, one of whom, 
 to my great joy, was Hickman. This made me 
 more comfortable, as I was not answerable for the 
 other two ; still I was in great trouble from the riot- 
 ous and insolent behavior of the boat's crew, and 
 the other men brought down by the sergeant of 
 marines. One of them fell back into a basket of 
 eggs, and smashed them all to atoms ; still the ma- 
 rine officer did not come down, and it was getting 
 late. The tide being now at the ebb, running out 
 against the wind there was a very heavy sea, and 
 I had to go oft' to the ship with a boat deeply laden, 
 and most of the people in her in a state of intoxi- 
 cation. The coxswain, who was tlie only one who 
 was sober, recommended our shoving olf. as it 
 would soon be dark, and some accident would hap- 
 
 fen. 1 reflected a minute, and agreeing with him, 
 ordered the oars to be got out, and we shoved oti, 
 the sergeant of the marines and the gun-room stew- 
 ard perched up in the bows — drunken men. ducks 
 and geese, lying to;:et}ier at the bottom of the boat 
 — the stern sheets loaded up to the gunwale, and 
 the other passengers and myself sitting how we 
 could among the crockery and a variety of other 
 articles with which the boat was crowed. It was a 
 scene of much confusion — the half-drunken boat's 
 crew catching a-aba, and falling forward upon the 
 others — those who were quite drunk swearing they 
 would pull. " Lay on your oar. Sullivan ; you are 
 doing more harm than good. You drunken rascal^ 
 I'll report you as soon as we get on board.'' 
 
 '• How the divil can 1 pull, your honor, when 
 there's that fellow Jones breaking the very back o' 
 me with his oar, and he never touching the water 
 all the while I'- 
 
 " You lie,'' cried Jones ; " I'm nulling the boat 
 by myself against tV.e whole of the larboard oars."
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 259 
 
 " He's rowing dry, your honor— only making bi- 
 lave." 
 
 " Do you call this rowing dry V cried another, 
 IS a sea swept over the boat, fore and aft, wetting 
 everybody to the skin. 
 
 '• Now, your honor, just look and see if I an't 
 pulliniT the very arms off me ?" cried Sullivan. 
 
 '• Is there water enough to cross the bridge, 
 Swinburne ?"' said I to the coxswain. 
 
 " Plenty, Mr. Simple ; it is but quarter ebb, and 
 the sooner we are on board the better." 
 
 We were now pxst Devil's Point, and the sea 
 was very heavy ; the boat plunged in the trough, 
 8o tliat I was afraid tliat she would break her back. 
 She was soon lialf full of water, and the two afler- 
 (.ars were laid in for llie men to bale. '' Plase vour 
 I'onor, hadn't I better cut free the legs of tliem 
 (lucks and geese, and allow them to swim for their 
 lives?" cried Sullivan, resting on his oar; "the 
 poor birds will bo drowned else in their own iliment.'' 
 
 " JVo, no — pull away as hard as you can." 
 
 Bv this time the drunken men m the bottom of 
 the boat began to be verv uneasy, from the quanti- 
 ty of water wliich wasfied about them, and made 
 several stn^^oring attempts to get on their legs.. 
 They fell down again upon the ducks and geese, 
 the major part of which were saved from l)eing 
 drowned by l>cing suffocated. The sea on the 
 bridge was very heavy ; and although the tide swept 
 u.s c)ut, we were nearly swamped. Soft bread was 
 wisliing about the bottom of the boat; the parrels 
 of su^r^r. pepper, and salt, were w«t through with 
 th^ salt w iter, and a sudden jerk threw the captain's 
 steward, w!to w:i« seated upon the gunwale, close 
 to the after-o.ar, risht upon the wliole of the crock- 
 er>' and o^ran. which addi-d to the nnss of destruc- 
 tion. A few more yeas shipped completed the job, 
 antl the i:iMi-rt»orii slfward was in despair. •• That's 
 • darling." cried Sullivan ; " V.m politest b«al in
 
 260 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 the wliole fleet. She makes more bows and court- 
 seys than the finest couple in the land. Give way, 
 my lads, and work the crater stuff out of your 
 elbows, and the first lieutenant w^ill see us all so 
 sober, and so wet in the bargain, and think we're 
 aU so dry, that perhaps he'll be after giving us a 
 raw nip when we get on board." 
 
 In a quarter of an hour we were nearly alongside, 
 but the men pulled so badly, and the sea was so 
 great, that we missed the ship, and went astern. 
 They veered out a buoy with a line, which we got 
 hold of, and were hauled up by the marines and 
 after-guard, the boat plunging bows under, and 
 drenching us through and through. At last we got 
 under the counter, and I climbed up by the stern lad- 
 der. Mr. Falcon was on deck, and very angry at the 
 boat not coming alongside properly. " I thought, 
 Mr. Simple, that you knew by this time how to 
 brin^ a boat alongside." 
 
 "So I do, sir, I hope.'' replied I ; ''but the boat 
 was so full of water, and the men would not give 
 way." 
 
 " What men has the sergeant brought onboard?" 
 "Three, sir," replied T, shivering with the cold, 
 and unhappy at my very best uniform being spoiled. 
 "Are all your boat's crew with you, sir?'' 
 " No, sir, there are two left on shore ; they — " 
 "ISot a word, sir. Up to the mast-head, and 
 stay there till I call you down. If it were not so 
 late, I would send you on shore, and not receive 
 vou on boaixl again without the men. Up. sir, 
 immediately. ' 
 
 1 did not venture to explain, but up I v/ent. It 
 was very cold, blowing hard from the S. E. with 
 heavy squalls ; I was so wet. that the wind appear- 
 ed to blow through me. and it was now nearly dark. 
 I reached the cross-trees, and when 1 was"* seated 
 there, T felt that 1 had done my duty, and had not 
 boon fairlv treated. Du.nng this time, the boat had
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 261 
 
 been hauled up alongside to clear, and a pretty 
 clearance there was. All the ducks and ceese were 
 dead, the eggs and crockery all broke, tlie proccry 
 almost all washed away ; in short, as O'Brien ob- 
 served, there was " a very pretty peneral avemge." 
 Mr. Falcon, still very anpry. '* VV'ho arc the men 
 missing ?" inquired he, of Swinburne, the coxswain, 
 as he came up the side. 
 
 •' Williams and Sweetman, sir." 
 
 "Two of the smartest topmen, I am told. It 
 really is too provoking : there is not a midshipman 
 in the ship I can trust. I must work all day, and 
 get no assistance. The service is really going to 
 the devil, now, with the young men who are sent 
 on board to be brought up as oHicera, and who are 
 above doing their duty. What made you so late, 
 Swinburne 1" 
 
 '' Waiting for the marine officer, who went to the 
 ■tonehouse to see his wife; but Mr. Simple would 
 not wait any longer, as it was getting dark, and we 
 had so many drunken men in the boat."' 
 
 '■Mr. Simple did right. I wisli Mr. Harrison 
 would stay on shore with his wife altogether, — it'a 
 really trilling with the service. Pray. Mr. Swin- 
 burne, why had not you your eyes about you, if Mr. 
 Simple was so careless ? How came you to allow 
 those men to leave the boat ?" 
 
 '• The men were ordered up by the marine officer, 
 to bring down your stores, sir, and they cave tlie 
 steward the slip. It was no fault of Mr. Simple's, 
 nor of mine either. We laid off" at the wharf for 
 two hours before we started, or we should have 
 lo«t more ; for what can a poor lad do, when he 
 has charge of drunken men who toill not obey or- 
 ders ?'' And the coxswain looked up at the mast- 
 head, as much as t« say. Why is he sent there? 
 " I'll Uike my oath, sir," continued Swinburne, 
 " that Mr. Simple never put his foot out of the 
 boat, from the time that he went over the side until
 
 26!^ PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 he came on board ; and that no young gentleman 
 could have done his duty more strictly." 
 
 Mr. Falcon looked very angry, at first, at the cox- 
 sw.iin speaking so freely, but he said nothing. He 
 took one or two turns on the deck, and then hailing 
 tlie mast-head.desired me to come down. But I could 
 not; my limbs were so cramped with the wind 
 blowing upon my wet clothes, that I could not 
 move. He hailed again ; I heard him but was not 
 able to answer. One of the topmen then came up, 
 and perceiving my condition, hailed the deck, and 
 said he believed 1 was dying, for I could not move, 
 and that he dared not leave me for fear I should 
 full. O'Brien, who had been on deck all the while, 
 jumped up the rigging, and v^'as soon at the cross- 
 trees where I was. He sent the topman down into 
 tlie top for a tail block and the studding sail haul- 
 yards, made a whip and lowered me on deck. I 
 was immediately put into my hammock ; and the 
 surgeon ordering me some hot brandy-and- water, 
 and plenty of blankets, in a few hours I was quite 
 restored. 
 
 O'Brien, who was at my bedside, said, "Never 
 mind, Peter, and don't be angry with Mr. Falcon, 
 for he is very sorry." 
 
 "I am not angry, O'Brien } for Mr. Falcon has 
 been too kind to me not to make me forgive him 
 for being once hasty.'' 
 
 The surgeon came to my hammock, gave me 
 some more hot drink, desired me to go to sleep, 
 and I awoke the next morning quite well. 
 
 When I came into the berth, my messmates asked 
 me how I was, and many of them railed against the 
 tyranny of Mr. I-'alcon 5 but 1 took his part, saying, 
 tnat he was hasty in this instance, perhaps, but that, 
 generally speaking, he was an excellent and very 
 just officer. Some agreed with me, but others did 
 not. One of them who was always in disgrace 
 sneered at me, and said, •• Peter reads the Bible,
 
 PETER SIMPLE. J63 
 
 and knows thnt if you smite one cheek, /le must 
 oft'er the other. JSow, I'll answer for it. if I pull 
 his rii^ht ear, ho will offer me his left." So saving, 
 he lugijed r.ie hy the ear, upon which I knocked 
 him dortn for his trouble. The berth was then 
 cleared away for a fight, and in a quarter of an hour 
 my opptmcat gave in j but I suffered a little, and 
 had a very black eye. I had hardly time to wash 
 myself and ciian<;e mv shirt, which was bloody, 
 when I was summoned on the quarter-deck. When 
 1 arrived. I found Mr. Fakon walking up and down. 
 He looked very liard at mc.but did not ask uie any 
 qaestions as to the cause of mv unusual appearance. 
 
 '•Mr. Simple,"' said he, "I sent for vou to beg 
 your pardon for mv behaviour to you last night, 
 which was not only very hasty Lul'very unjust. I 
 find tijat you were not to blame for the loss of the 
 men." 
 
 I felt very sorry for him when I heard him speak 
 so handsomely, and, to make his mind more easy, I 
 told him that, althou^^h I certainly was not to blame 
 for the loss of those two men, still I had done 
 wron!:j in permitting? Hickman to leave the boat; 
 and that, had not the scrjreant picked him up, 1 
 should have dine off without him, and therefore I 
 did ilcserve th<; punishment w liich I had received. 
 
 Mr. Simple," replied Mr. I'alcon," I respect you, 
 and admire your feelings : still, I was to blame, and 
 it is my duty to .'i|»<»logizc. >«ow go down below. 
 I would have requested the pleasure of your com- 
 
 f»any to dinner, but I perceive that Bfunething else 
 las occurred, which, under any other circumstan- 
 ccs. I would h:ive inquired into, but at the present 
 I shall not." 
 
 I touched mv hat and went below. In the mean 
 time, O'Brien liad been made acquainted with th« 
 occasion of the niiarrel, which he did not fail to 
 explain to Mr. Kalcon, who, O'Brien declared, 
 " was not the least bit in the world anjry with mt
 
 364 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 for what occurred." Indeed, after that,. Mr. Falcon 
 always treated me with the greatest kindness, and 
 employed me on every duty which he considered 
 of consequence. He was a sincere friend j for he 
 did not allow me to neglect my duty, but, at the 
 same time, treated me with consideration and con- 
 fidence. 
 
 The marine officer come on board very angry aV 
 being left behind, and talked about a court-martial 
 on me for disrespect, and neglect of stores intrust- 
 ed to my charge 3 but O'Brien told me not to mind 
 him, or what he said. " It's my opinion, Peter, 
 that the gentleman has eaten no' small quantity of 
 flapdooddle in his lifetime." 
 
 " What's that, O'Brien V replied I> " I nevev 
 heard of it." 
 
 " Why, Peter," rejoined he, " it's the stuff they 
 feedfooli on." 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 ▲ long conversatien with Mr. Chucks — The admotage of having ■ 
 prayer-book in your pocket — We run down the Trades — Swinbuine 
 the quartermaster, and bis yarns — The captain f-lle sick. 
 
 The next day the captain came on board with 
 sealed orders, with directions not to open them un- 
 til off Ushant. In tlie afternoon, we weighed and 
 made sail. It was a fine northerly wind, and the 
 Bay of Biscay was smooth. We bore up, set all 
 the studding-sails, and ran along at the rate of 
 eleven miles an hour. As I could not appear on the 
 quarter-deck, I was put down on the sick list. Cap- 
 tain Savage, who was verv particular, asked what 
 waa the matter with me. 't* he surgeon replied, " An
 
 PETER SIMPLE. SG5 
 
 inflamed eye.'' The captain asked no more ques- 
 tions ; and I took care to keep out of his way. I 
 walked in the evening on the forecastle, wlien I 
 renewed mv intimacy with Mr. Chucks, the boat- 
 swain, to whom I gave a full narrative of all my ad- 
 ventures in F"ince. " I have been ruminatinar, Mr. 
 Simple,' said he, "how such a stripling as you 
 could have gone through so much fatigue, and now 
 I know how it is. It is blood, Mr. Simple, — all blood 
 — you are descended from good blfod ; and there's 
 aa much difference between nob'lily and the lower 
 classes.os there is between a racer and a carthorse." 
 
 '' I cannot ac»ree with you, Mr. Chucks. Common 
 people are quite as brave as tliose who are well- 
 ix>rn. You do not mean to say that you are not 
 brave — that the seamen on board this ship are not 
 brave ?" 
 
 " No, no, Mr. Simple *, but as I observed about 
 myself, mv mother was a woman who could not 
 be trusted, and tliere U no saying who was my 
 father ; and she was a very pretty woman to boot, 
 which levels all distinctions for the moment. As 
 for the seamen. (Jod knows, I should do them an 
 injustice if 1 did not acknowledge that they were as 
 brave as lions. But there are two kinds of brave- 
 rv, Mr. Simple, — the bravery of the moment, and 
 tiie courage of bearing up for a long while. Do 
 you understind me V 
 
 "I think I do J but still do not agree with you. 
 Who will bear more fatigue than our sailors ?'' 
 
 " Ves, yes, Mr. Simple, tliat is l^ecause they are 
 ciidnred to it from their hard life ; but if the com- 
 mon sailors were all such little thread-papers as 
 you. and had been brought up so carefully, they 
 would not have gone through all you have. That's 
 my opinion, Mr. Simple,— there's notliing like 
 blood." 
 
 " I think, Mr. Chucks, you carry your ideas on 
 Uiat subject too far."
 
 266 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " I do not, Mr. Simple ; and I think, moreover, 
 that he who has more to lose than another will al- 
 ways strive more. JNow a common man only fighta 
 for his own credit 5 but when a man is descended 
 from a long line of people famous in history, and 
 and has a coat m arms, criss-crossed, and stuck all 
 over with lions and unicorns to support the dignity 
 of — why, lias he not to fight for the credit of all his 
 ancestors, whose names would be disgraced if he 
 didn't behave well 1" 
 
 " I agreed with you, Mr. Chucks, in the latter 
 remark, to a certain extent.'' 
 
 " Ah, Mr. Simple ! we never know the value of 
 good descent when we have it.but it's when we can- 
 not get it, that we can ' predate' it. I wish I had 
 been born a nobleman — I do, by heavens !"' and Mr. 
 Chucks slapped his fist against the funnel, so as to 
 make it ring again. '• Well, Mr. Simple,"' contin- 
 ued he, after a pause, '' it is, however, a great com- 
 fort to me that I have parted company with that 
 fool Mr. Muddle, with his twenty-six thousand and 
 odd years, and that old woman, Dispart, the gunner. 
 You'don't know how those two men used to fret 
 me ; it was very silly, but I could'nt help it. Now 
 the warrant officers of the ship appear to be very 
 respectable, quiet men, who know their dutv and 
 attend to it, and are not too familiar, which f hate 
 and detest. You went home to your friends, of 
 course, when you arrived in England 1" 
 
 •' I did, Mr Chucks, and spent some days with 
 my grandfather, lord Privilege, whom you say you 
 once met at dinner." 
 
 "Well, and how was the old gentleman 1" in- 
 quired the boatswain, with a sigh. 
 
 " Very well, considering his age." 
 
 "Now do, pray, Mr. Simple, tell me all about it; 
 from the lime that the servants met you at the door 
 until you went away. Describe to me the house and 
 all the roomSjfor I like to hear of all these things,al- 
 though I can never see them again."
 
 PETER SIMPLE. SK7 
 
 To please Mr. Chucks, I entered into a full detail, 
 which he listened to very attentively, until it was 
 late, and then, with difficulty, would he pcnnit me 
 to leave AY, and go down to my hammock. 
 
 The next day, rather a singular circumstance oc- 
 curred. One of the midshipman was mastheaded 
 by the second lieutenant, for not waiting on deck 
 until he was relieved. He was down below when 
 he was sent for, and expecting to be punished from 
 what the ciuartermaster told hmi, he thrust the first 
 book into nis jacket-pocket which he could lay his 
 hand on, to amuse nimself at the mast-head, and 
 then ran on deck. As he surmised, he was immedi- 
 ately ordered aloft. He had not been there more 
 than five minutes, when a sudden squall carried 
 away the main-top-gallant mast, and away he went 
 flying over to leeward, (for the wind had shifted, 
 and the yards were now braced up.) Had he gone 
 overboard, as he could not swim, he would, in all 
 
 [)robabiiity. have been drowned : but the book in 
 lis pocket brought him up in the jaws of the fore- 
 brace block, where he hung until taken out by the 
 main-topman. Psow it so happened that it w:i3 a 
 prayer-book which he had laid nold of in his hurry, 
 and those who were superstitious declared it was 
 all owing to his having taken a religious book with 
 him. 1 did not think so, as any otlier lx>ok would 
 have answered the purpose quite as well ; still the 
 midshipman hini.selt tliought so, and it was prcnluc- 
 tivc ot gofnl, as he was a sad scamp, and behaved 
 much l)etter allrrwards. 
 
 But I had nearly forgotten to mention a circum- 
 stance which occurred on the day of our sailing, 
 which will be eventually found to have had a great 
 influence upon my alter life. It was this, I receiv- 
 ed a letter from iiiv father, evidently written in a 
 great vexation amf annoyance, informing me that 
 my uncle, whose wife I had already mentioned had 
 two daughters, and was again expected to be con-
 
 268 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 fined, had suddenly broke q up his housekeeping, 
 discharged every servant, and proceeded to Ireland 
 under an assumed name. iS'o reason had been given 
 for tliis unaccountable proceeding ; and not even 
 my grandfather, or any of the members of the fam- 
 ily, had had notice of his intention. Indeed, it was 
 by mere accident tliat his departure w£is discover- 
 ed, about a fortnight alter it had taken place. My 
 father had taken a great deal of pains to find out 
 where he was residing 5 but although my uncle was 
 traced to Cork, from that town all clue was lost, 
 but still it was supposed, from inquiries, that he was 
 not very far from thence. " ISow/' observed my 
 father, in his letter, •' I cannot help surmising, that 
 my brother, in his anxiety to retain the advantages 
 of the title to his own family, has resolved to pro- 
 duce to the world a spurious child as his own, by 
 some contrivance or another. His wife's health is 
 very bad, and she is not likely to have a large fam- 
 ily. Should the one now expected prove a daughter, 
 there is little chance of his ever having another ; 
 and I have no hesitation in declaring it my convic- 
 tion that the meaisure has been taken with a view 
 of defrauding you of your chance of eventually be- 
 ing called to the House of Lords." 
 
 I showed this letter to O'Brien, who, after read- 
 ing it over two or three times, gave his opinion that 
 my father was right in his conjectures. '' Depend 
 upon it, Peter, there's foul play intended, that is, if 
 foul play is rendered necessary." 
 
 '• But^. OBrien, I cannot imagine why, if my uncle 
 has no son of his own, he should prefer acknowl- 
 edging a son of any other person's, instead of his 
 own nephew." 
 
 " But I can, Peter ; your uncle is not a man like- 
 ly to live very long as you know. The doctors say 
 that, with his short neck, his life is not worth two 
 years' purchase. Now if he had a son, consider 
 that his daughters would be much better off, and
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 2C9 
 
 much more likely to pet married ; besides, tliero 
 are many reasons which I won't talk about now, be- 
 cause it's no use making vou iliink vour uncle to 
 be a scoundrel. But I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
 go down to my cabin directly, and write to Kather 
 M'Crath, telling him the whole atlair, and desiring 
 him to ferret him out, and watch him narrowly, rnd 
 ril bet you a dozen of claret, that in less than a 
 week, he'll find him out. and will dog liim to the 
 last. He'll get hold of his Irish servants, and you 
 little know the power that a priest has in our coun- 
 try. ISow give the description as well as you can 
 ol vour uncle's appearance, also of that of his wife, 
 an(5 the number of their familv, and their ages. 
 Father M'Ciralh must have all the particulars, and 
 then let him alone for doing wliat is needful." 
 
 I complied with O'Brien's directions as well as I 
 could, and he wrote a very long letter to Kather 
 M'(iratli, which was sent on shore by a careful 
 hand. 1 answered my father's letter, and then 
 thought no more about the matter. 
 
 Our sealed orders were opened, and proved our 
 destination to be to the West Indies, as we expect- 
 ed. We touched at Madeira to take in some wine 
 for the ship's company ; but as we only remained 
 one day, we were not pcrinittcd to go on shore. 
 Fortunate indeed wouUI it have been if we had 
 never gone there ; for the day after, our captain, 
 who hatl dined with the consul, was taken alarm- 
 ingly ill. From the symptoms, the Furpcon dreaded 
 tJiat he had been poisoned by something which he 
 had eaten, and which most probably had been 
 cooked in a co|>per vessel not projxsrly tinned. Wo 
 were all very anxious that he biiould recover ; but 
 on the contr.iry, he appeared to grow worse and 
 worse every <lay, wasting away, and d\ing. as they 
 •ay, by inches. At last ho was put in hia cot, and 
 never ro^p Iroin it again, 'ihis melancholy circum- 
 ■tanre. added to the kuowlcd"c lliat we were pro-
 
 no PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 ceeding to an unhealthy climate, caused a gloom 
 throughout the sliip ; and although the trade wind 
 carried us along bounding over the bright blue sea 
 — although the weather was now warm, yet not too 
 'jvarm — although the sun rose in splendor, and all 
 t\as beautiful and cheering, the state of the captain's 
 health was a check to all mirth. Every one trod 
 the deck softly, and spoke in a low voice, that he 
 might not be disturbed ; all were anxious to have 
 the morning report of the surgeon, and our con- 
 versation was generally upon the sickly climate, 
 the yellow fever, of death, and the palisades where 
 they buried us. Swinburne, the quartermaster, was 
 in my watch, and as he had been long in the West 
 Indies, I used to obtain all the information from him 
 that I could. 
 
 The old fellow had a secret pleasure in frighten- 
 ing me as much as he could. '' Really, Mr. Simple, 
 you ax so many questions, ■' he would say, as I ac- 
 costed him while he was at his station at the conn. 
 " I wish you wouldn't ax so many questions, and 
 make yourself uncomfortable — ' steady so' — • steady 
 it is ;' with regard to Yellow Jack, as' we calls the 
 yellow fever, it's a devil incarnate, that's sartin — 
 you're well and able to take your allowance in the 
 morning, and dead as a herring 'fore night. First 
 comes a bit of a headache — you goes to fhe doctor, 
 who bleeds you like a pig — then you go out of your 
 senses — then up comes the black vomit, and then 
 it's all over witn you, and you go to the land-crabs, 
 who pick your bones as clean and as white as a sea 
 elephant's' tooth. But there be one thing to be 
 said in favor of Yellow Jack a'ter all. You dies 
 straight, like a gentleman — not cribbed up like a 
 snowfish, chucked out on the ice of the river St. 
 Lawrence, with your knees up to your nose, oryoiir 
 toes stuck into your arm-pits, as does take place m 
 some of your foreign complaints ; but straight, 
 quite straight, and limber like a gentleynan. Still
 
 FETER SIMPLE. S71 
 
 Jack is a little iniscliievous. that's sartin. In the 
 Euriiiiscy we had as fine a ship's company as was ev- 
 er pij)cil aloft, — • Steatly, starboard, my man, you're 
 hall a pint oH"your course ;' — we dropped our anchor 
 in Tort Royal, and we thought that there was mis- 
 chief brc win^, for thirtycight sharks followed thesliip 
 into tlie Inrbor, and played about us day and night. 
 I used to watcli them during the night-w.ilch, as 
 their fins, above watrr, skimmed along, leaving a 
 trail of light behind them; and the second niglit 1 
 said to the sentry abaft, as I was looking at them 
 smelling under the counter — ' Soldier,' says I. ' them 
 •harks asv mustering under the orders of Yellow 
 Jack ;' and I no sooner mentioned Yellow Jack, than 
 the sharks gave a frisky plunge, every one of them, 
 as much as to say, * Yes. so we are. d — n your eyes.' 
 The soldier was so frightened that he would have 
 fallen overboard, if 1 had'iit caught him bv the 
 scrutf of the neck, for he was standing on the top 
 of the taifril. As it was, he dropped his musket 
 over the stem, which the sharks dashed at from 
 every quarter, making the sea look like fire — and 
 he h;id it charged to his wages. jC 1 Kis. 1 think. 
 However, the fate of his musket ijave him an idea 
 of what would have happenrd to liim. if lie had fal- 
 len instead of it — and nc never got on the taffril 
 again. ' Steady, port — mind your helm, Smith — 
 you can list(-n to my \arn, all the same.' Well, 
 Mr. Simple, Yelhn.' Jack came sure enough. First 
 the purser was ralh.'tl to account for all his rogucr>'. 
 We didn't care mu';h about the land-crabs catiiig 
 him, who had m.-ule so many pour dead men chew 
 tobacco, cheatinir tlieir wives an<l relations, or 
 Greenwich Ho.H|Mtai, ;uj it might hap[>(Mi. 'I'lien 
 went two of th«- mwidies. just about your agf, Mr. 
 Simple ; they, poor fellows, went <i(f in a satl hur- 
 ry : then went the mister — and so it went on, till 
 at last we had no more nor bixty men l(>ft in the 
 ■hip. 'I'he captam died last and then Yellow Jack
 
 272 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 had filled his maw, and left the rest of us alone. 
 As soon as the captain died, all the sharks left the 
 ship, and we never saw any more of them." 
 
 Such were the yarns told to me and the other 
 midshipmen during the night watches ; and I can 
 assure the reader, that they gave us no small alarm. 
 Every day that we worked our dav's work, and 
 found ourselves so much nearer to the islands, did 
 we feel as if we were so much nearer to our 
 graves. I once spoke to O'Brien about it, and he 
 laughed. " Peter,'" says he, '' fear kills more peo- 
 ple than the yellow fever, or any other complaint, 
 in the West Indies. Swinburne is an old rogue, 
 and only laughing at you. The devil's not half so 
 black as he's painted — nor the yellow fever half so 
 yellow, I presume."' We were now fast nearing 
 the island of Barbadoes, the weather was beautiful, 
 the vvind always fair ; the flying-fish rose in shoals, 
 startled by the foaming seas, which rolled away, and 
 roared from the bows as our swifl frigate cleaved 
 through the water ; the porpoises played about us 
 in thousands — the bonetas and dolphins at one time 
 chased the flying fish, and at others, appeared to be 
 delighted in keeping company with the rapid ves- 
 sel. Every thing was beautiful, and we all should 
 have been happy, had it not been from the state of 
 captain Savage, in the first place, who daily became 
 worse and worse, and from the dread of the hell, 
 which we were about te enter through such a wa- 
 tery paradise. Mr. Falcon, who was in command, 
 was grave and thoughtful ; he appeared indeed to 
 be quite miserable at the chance which would en- 
 sure his own promotion. In ever>' attention, and 
 every care that could be taken to ensure quiet and 
 aff'ord relief to the captain, he was unremitting : the 
 off'ence of making a noise was now, with him, a 
 greater crime than drunkenness, or even mutiny. 
 When within three days' sail of Barbadoes, it fell 
 almost calm, and the captain became much worse ;
 
 PETER SIMPLE. £73 
 
 and now for the first time did we behold the great 
 white shark of the Atlantic. There are several 
 kinds oi" sharks, but the most dangerous are the 
 great white shark and tlie ground shark. The for- 
 mer grows to an enormous length, the latter is sel- 
 dom very lung, not more than iweUe feet, but 
 spreads to a great breadth. We could not hook the 
 sharks as they played around us, for Mr. Falcon 
 would not permit it, lest the noise of hauling them 
 on board should disturb the captain. A breeze again 
 sprung up. In two days we were close to the islaixl, 
 and the men were desired to look out for the land. 
 
 CIL\PTER XXX. 
 
 I>Mlii nf capUin Sarue — Hii funrral — Specimen of true Btrbadiaa 
 boru — SuLkin^ tlic moakty — fffVcla o{ a liumcanr. 
 
 The next morning, having hove-to part of the 
 night, land was discovered on the bow, and was 
 reported by the mast-head man at the same moment 
 that the surgeon came up and announced the death 
 of our noble captain. Although it had been ex- 
 pected for the last two or tliree days, the intelli- 
 gence created a heavy gloom throui^liout the ship; 
 the men worked in silence, and spoke to one anoto- 
 er in whispers. Mr. Kalcon was deeply affected, 
 and so were we all. In the course of the morn- 
 ing, we run into the island, and unhappy as I was, I 
 ■ever can forget tlie sensation of admiration which 
 1 felt on closing with IS'eedham Point to enter 
 Carlisle Bay. The beach of such a pure dazzling 
 white, backed by the ull green cocoanut trees, wa- 
 ring their spreading heads to the fresh breeze, the 
 dark blue of the sky, and the deeper blue of the 
 transparent sea, eccasionallj varied into green ■•
 
 274 FETER SIMPLE. 
 
 we passed by the coral rocks which threw their 
 branches out from *,he bottom — the town opening to 
 our view by degrees, houses after houses so neat, 
 with their green jealousies dotting the landscape, 
 the fort with the colors flying, troops of officera 
 riding down, a busy population of all color, relieved 
 by the whiteness of their dress. Altogether the 
 scene realized my first ideas of fairy land, for I 
 thought I had never witnessed any thing so beauti- 
 ftil. " And can this be such a dreadful place as it is 
 described 1" thought I. The sails were clewed up 
 the anchor was dropped to the bottom, and a salute 
 from the ship, answered by the forts, added to the 
 effect of the scene. The sails were furled, the 
 boats lowered down, the boatswain squared the 
 yards from the joUyboat ahead. Mr . Falcon dres- 
 sed, and his boat bein^ manned, went on shore 
 with the despatches. Then, as soon as the work 
 was over, anew scene of delight presented itself to 
 the sight of midshipmen who had been so long upon 
 his majesty's allowance. These were the boats 
 which crowded round the ship, loaded with baskets 
 •f bananas, oranges, shaddocks, soursops, and every 
 other kind of tropical fruit, fried flying-fish, eggs, 
 fowls, milk, and every thing which could tempt a 
 poor boy after a long sea voyage. The watch be- 
 ing called, down we all hastened into the boats, and 
 returned loaded with treasures, which we soon 
 contrived to make disappear. After stowing away 
 u much fruit as would have sufficed for a dessert 
 to a dinner given to twenty people in England, I 
 returned on deck. 
 
 There was no other man-of-war in the bay 5 but 
 my attention was directed to a beautiful little vessel, 
 a schooner, whose fairy form contrasted strongly 
 with a West India trader which lay close to her. 
 All of a sudden, as I was looking at her beautiful 
 •at line, a yell rose from her which quite startled 
 Kii, jtnd iiSataftdiately afterwarda her deck was cov-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 273 
 
 •red witii nearly tvvo hundred naked figures with 
 woolly heads, chattering and grining at «ach other. 
 She was a Spanish slaver, whicij had been cap- 
 tured, and hatl arrived the evening before. The 
 slaves were still on board, waiting the orders of the 
 governor. They had been on deck about ten min- 
 utes, when three or four men with large Panama 
 straw hats on their heads, and long ratans in their 
 hands, jumped upon the gunnel, and in a few seconds 
 drove them all down below, i then turned round, 
 and observed a black woman who had just climbed 
 up the side of the frigate. O'Brien was on deck, and 
 she walked up to him in a most consequential man- 
 ner. 
 
 '' How do you do, sar ? Very happy you com back 
 again,'" said she to O'Brien. 
 
 *' 1 am very well, 1 thank you, ma'am," replied 
 O'Brien, ''audi hope to go back the same 5 but 
 never having put my foot into ihi^ bay before, you 
 have the advantage of me.'' 
 
 •' JNebber here before, so help me Ciod ! me tinki 
 know you — me tink i rccolcct your handsom face— 
 I Laily Rodney, sir. Ah, piccaninny buccra ! how 
 you do ? said she, turning round to me, " Me hope 
 to hab dc honour to W3«h for you, tar," courtesying 
 to O'Bnen. 
 
 " What do you charge in this place ?" 
 
 " All the same price, one bit a piece." 
 
 " What do you call a bit ?' — inquired I. 
 
 " A bit, Ijll y massa 1 — what you call um bit ? Dem 
 four $harp Mhiti* to a pictarocii. ' 
 
 Our deck was now enlivened by several army offi- 
 cers, bcHulrs gentlemen residents, who came oti" to 
 hear the nowH. Invitalious to the mess, and to iho 
 houses of the gentleman followed, and as Uicy de- 
 part<d Mr. Falcon returned on board. Hr told 
 O'Brien and the other otiiccrs, that the admiral and 
 aquadron were expected in a few davs, and that 
 we were to r»main in Carliale Bay and refit imme- 
 diately.
 
 276 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 But although the fright about the yellow fever 
 had considerably subsided in our breast, the r«- 
 membrance that our poor captain was lyirvg dead in 
 the cabin was constantly obtruding. All that night 
 the carpenters were up making his coffin, for he 
 was to be hurried the next day. The bodies are never 
 allowed to remain many hours unburied in the 
 tropical climates, where putrefaction is so rapid. 
 The following morning the men were up at day 
 light, washing the decks and putting the ship in or- 
 der 5 they worked willingly, and yet with a silent 
 decorum which showed what their feelings were. 
 Isever were the decks better cleaned, never were 
 the ropes more carefully Jlemished down j the ham 
 mock were stowed in their white clothes, the yards 
 carefully squared, and the ropes hauled taut. At 
 eight o'clock, the colors and pennant were hoisted 
 half-mast high. The men were then ordered down 
 to breakfast, and to clean themselves. During the 
 lime that the men were at breakfast, all the olhcers 
 v.eat into the cabin to take a last farewell look at 
 our gallant captain. He appeared te have died 
 without pain, and there wasabeautifultranpuillityin 
 his face ; but even already a change had taken 
 
 glace, and we perceived the necessity of his being 
 urried so soon. We saw him placed in his coffin, 
 and then quitted the cabin without speaking to each 
 other. When the coffin was nailed down, it was 
 brought up by the barge's crew to the quarterdeck, 
 and laid upon the gratings amidships, covered over 
 with the Union Jack. The man came up from be- 
 low without waiting for the pipe, and a solemnity 
 appeared to pervade every motion. Order and 
 quiet were universal, out of respect to the deceased. 
 When the boats were ordered to be manned, the 
 men almost appeared to steal- into them. The 
 barge received the coffin, which was placed in the 
 stem sheets. The other boats then hauled up, 
 jund received the officers, marines, and sailors, wh»
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 277 
 
 were to follow the procession. When all was rea- 
 dy, the barge was snoved off by the bow men, the 
 crew dropped their oars into the water witliout a 
 ■plash, and pulled the minute stroke; the other 
 boats followed, and as soon as tliey were clear of 
 tke ship, the minute guns boomed along the smooth 
 ■urface of the bay from the opposite side of the 
 ship, while the yards were topped to starboard and 
 to port, the ropes were slackened and liung in bights, 
 so as to give the idea of distress and neglect. At 
 the same time a dozen or more of the men who 
 had been ready, dropped over the sides of the ship in 
 different parts, and with their cans of paint and 
 bniihes in a few minutes effaced the whole of the 
 broad white riband which marked the beautiful run 
 of the frigate, and left her aJl black and in deep 
 mourning. The guns from the forte now responded 
 to our own. The merchant ships lowered their 
 colors, and the men stood up respectfully with their 
 hats off, as the procession moved slowly to the 
 landing-place. The coffin was borne to the burial- 
 ground by the crew of the barge, followed by Mr. 
 Falcon as chief mourner, all the officers of the 
 ship which could be spared, one hundred of the 
 seaman walking two and two, and the marines with 
 their arms reversed. The corUffv was joined by the 
 army officers, while the troops lined the streets and 
 the bands plaved the dead march. The service was 
 read, the voile vs were fired over the grave, and 
 with oppressed feeling wo returned to Uiel)oat8,and 
 pulled on board. 
 
 It then appeared to me, and to a certam degree I 
 was correct, that as soon as we had paid our last 
 respect to his remains, we had also forgotten our 
 grief The yards were again squared, the ropes 
 hauled taut, working dresses resumed, and all was 
 activity and bustle. The fact is, that sailors and 
 soldiers have no time for lamentation, and running as 
 they do from clime to clime, to does scene follow
 
 a PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 scene in the same variety and quickness. In a day 
 or two, the captain appeared to be, although he was 
 not, forgotten. Our first business was to water the 
 ship by rafting and towing off the casks. I was in 
 charge of the boat again, with Swinburne as cox- 
 swain. As we pulled in, there were a number of ne- 
 groes bathing in the surf.bobbingtheirwoolly heads 
 under it, as it rolled into the beach. " Now, Mr. 
 Simple,' ' said Swinburne, " see how I'll make them 
 niggers scamper." He then stood up in the stern 
 sheets, and pointing with his finger roared out, " A 
 shark 1 a shark !' Away started all the bathers for 
 the beach, puffing and blowing, from their dreaded 
 enemy ; nor did they stop to look for him until they 
 were high and dry out of his reach. Then, when 
 we all laughed, they called us "all the hangmaa 
 iie/s," and every other opprobrious name which 
 they could select from their vocabulary. I was very 
 much amused with this scene, and as much after- 
 wards with the negroes who crowded round us 
 when we landed. They appeared such merry fel- 
 lows, always laughing, chattering, singing, and 
 showing their white teeth. One fellow danced 
 round us, snapping his fingers, and singing songs 
 ■without beginning or end. " Eh massa, what you 
 say now ? Me no slave — true Bardsidian bom, 
 sir. Eh! 
 
 " Nebba see de d.\j 
 
 Dat Rodney run away, 
 
 Nebba see um night 
 
 Dat Rodney cannot fl^ht. 
 
 Massa me free man, sar. Suppose you give m« 
 pictareeU; drink massa health. 
 
 Neblja see de day, boy, 
 Pompey lickum de Cseaar 
 
 Eh ? and you nebba see de day dat de Grasshopper 
 he run on de Warrington. '^ 
 
 " Out of the way, you nigger," cried one of the 
 men who was rolling down a cask.
 
 PETER SIMPLE. t» 
 
 " Eh ! who you call nigger ? Me fre« man and 
 true Bardadian born. Go along, you man-of-war 
 
 Man-of-war, buccra, 
 Man-of-war, buccra. 
 He de boy for me, 
 6o<]ecr buccra, 
 Sod^er buccra, 
 Mcbba, nebba, do, 
 Nebba, nebba do for me ; 
 8od?er give me one shilling, 
 Sailor give me two. 
 
 Maisa, now supposo you tjive me only one picU- 
 reen now. Yoii roally handsome young gentleman." 
 
 " Now just walk ofT," said Swinburne, lifting up 
 a stick he found on the beach. 
 
 "Eh! walk off. 
 
 Nebba see de day, boy, 
 Badian run away, boy. 
 
 Go do your work, Bar. Why you talk to me 7 Go, 
 work, tar. I free man, and real Bardadian bom. 
 
 " Negro on de shore 
 See de ship come in, 
 De buccra come on shore. 
 Wid de hand up to do chin ; 
 Man-of war buccra. 
 Man-of-war buccra, 
 He de iKiy (or me, 
 Man of-war buccra. 
 Man-of-war buccra, 
 Gib piaareen lo me." 
 
 At thin moment my attention waa directed to 
 another ne^To, who lay on thit beach rolling and 
 foaming at t}ie mouth, apparently in a fit. " NVnat'a 
 the matter with that fellow 7" said I to the samA 
 negro who continued close tome, notwithstinding 
 Swinburne's stick. "Eh I call him Sam Slack, 
 massa. He ab um ttc He fit." And fuch was ap-
 
 280 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 parently the case. '' Stop, me cure him }•' and he 
 snatched the stick out of Swinburne's hand, and 
 running up to the man, who continued to roll on 
 the beach, commenced belaboring him without 
 mercy. " i.h, Sambo!" cried he at last, quite out 
 of breath, '• you no better yet — try again." He 
 recommenced, until at last the man got up and ran 
 away as fast as he could. jNow, whether the man 
 •was shamming, or whether it was real tic tic, or 
 epileptic fit, I know not 5 but I never heard of such 
 a cure for it before. I threw the fellow half a pic- 
 tareen, as much for the amusement he had afforded 
 me as to get rid of him. "Tanky, massa, now 
 man-of-war man, here de tick for you again to 
 keep off all de dam niggers." So saying, he hand- 
 ed the stick to Swinburne, made a polite bow, and 
 departed. We were, however, soon surrounded by 
 others, particularly by some dingy ladies with bas- 
 kets of fruit, and who, as they "said, " sell ebery 
 ting." I perceived that my sailors were very Ibnd 
 of cocoanut milk, which" being a very harmless 
 beverage, I did not object to their purchasing from 
 these ladies, who had chiefly cocoanuts in their 
 baskets. As I had never tasted it, I asked them 
 what it was, and bought a cocoanut. I selected the 
 largest. " iS'o, massa, dat not good, for you. Bet- 
 ter one for buccra officer." I then selected anoth- 
 er, but the same objection was made. '• ]No, mas- 
 sa, dis very fine milk. Very good for de tomac." I 
 drank off the milk from the holes on the top of the 
 cocoanut, and found it verv refreshing. As for the 
 sailors, they appeared very fond of it indeed. But 
 I very soon found that if good for de tomac, it was 
 not very good for the head, as my men, instead of 
 rolling the casks, began to roll themselves in all di- 
 rections, and when it was time to go off to dinner, 
 most of them were dead drunk at the bottom of 
 the boat. They insisted that it was tlie sun which 
 affected tham. Very hot it certainly was, and 1 be-
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 281 
 
 lieved them at first when tliey were only giddy: 
 but I was convinced to the contrary when I found 
 that they became insensible ; yet liow they li.id pro- 
 cured the liquor was to me a mystery. When I 
 came on board, Mr. Falcon, who althouy;h acting 
 captain, continued his duties as first lieutenant al- 
 most as punctually as before, asked how it was that 
 1 had allowed my men to i^et so tipsy. I assured 
 him that 1 could not tell. that 1 had never allowed one 
 to leave the watering place, or to buy any liquor ; 
 the only thing that they had to drink was a little 
 cocoanut milk, which, as it was go very hot, I 
 thought there could be no objection to. Mr. Fal- 
 con smiled and said, " Mr. Simple, I am an old 
 stager in the West indies, and i II let you into a 
 secret. Do you know wljat ' guckiiif; the moixkey ' 
 means?" " .No, sir." " Well, then 111 tell you; 
 it is a term used among seamen for drinking ru.n 
 out of cocoaniUs, the milk having been poured out, 
 and the liquor substituted. ISow, do you compre- 
 hend why your men are tipsy V 1 stared with all 
 my eyes, for it never would have entered into my 
 head ; and 1 then perceived why it was that the 
 black woman would not give me the first cocoanuta 
 which I selected, 1 told Mr. l-'alcon of tins cir- 
 cumstance, who replied, '• Well, it was not your 
 fault, only you must not forget it another time. 
 
 It was my tirst watch that night, and Swinburne 
 was quarter-master on deck. " Swinburne," said I, 
 " you have often been in the West Indies before, 
 why did you not tell me that the men were ' suck- 
 «»V» '^* monktij ' when 1 tliought that they were only 
 drinking cocoanut milk. 
 
 Swinburne churkled, and answered, '' Why, Mr. 
 Simple, d'ye see, it didn't become me as a ship- 
 mate to peach. It's but seldom that a |)o<)r fellow 
 bu an opportunity of making himself a ' little hap- 
 py,' and It would not be Tair to take away the 
 chance. I suppose you'll, never let tliem hara co- 
 csanut milk again V
 
 288 PETER SIMPLE. 
 
 " No, that I will not ; but 1 cannot imagine what 
 pleasure they can find getting so tipsy." 
 
 " It's merely because they are not allowed to be 
 BO, sir. That's the whole story in a few words.'' 
 
 "Well, I think I could cure them, if I were per- 
 mitted to try." 
 
 " I should like to hear how you'd manage that, 
 Mr. Simple," 
 
 " Why, 1 would oblige a man t« drink off a half 
 pint of liquor, and then put him by himself. I 
 would not allow him companions to make merry 
 with so as to make a pleasure of intoxication. 1 
 would then wait until next morning when he was 
 sober, and leave him alone with a racking headache 
 until evening, when I would give him another dose, 
 and so on, forcing him to get drunk until he hatea 
 the smell of liquor." 
 
 " Well, Mr. Simple, it might do with some, but 
 many of our chaps would require the dose you 
 mention to be repeated pretty often before it would 
 effect a cure ; and what's more, they'd be very wil- 
 ling patients, and make no wry faces at their physic." 
 
 " Well, that might be, but it would cure them at 
 last. But tell me, Mr. Swinburne, were you ever 
 ia a hurricane ?" 
 
 " I've been in every thing Mr. Simple, I believe, 
 except a school, and I never had no time to go 
 tliere. Do you see that battery at Needham Point 7 
 Well, in the hurricane of '82, them same guns were 
 whirled away by the wind right over to this point 
 here on the opposite side, the sentries in their sen- 
 try boxes after them. Some of the soldiers who 
 faced the wind had their teeth blown down their 
 throats like broken 'baccy pipes, others had their 
 heads turned round like dog vanes, 'cause they 
 waited for orders to the ' right about face' and the 
 whole air was full of young niggers blowing about 
 like the peelings of ingins." 
 
 " You don't suppose I believe all of this, Swin- 
 burne ?"
 
 PETER SIMPLE. 283 
 
 " That's as may be, Mr. Simple, but I've told the 
 story so often that I believe it myself." 
 
 " What ship were you in V 
 
 " In the Blanche, Captain Faulkner, who was as 
 fine a fellow as poor captain Savage, whom we bu- 
 ried yesterday ; there could not be a finer than ei- 
 ther of them. I was at the taking of the Pique, and 
 carried him down below after he had received his 
 mortal wound. We did a pretty thing out here 
 when we took Fort Roval by a coup-de-main, which 
 means, boarding from tlie main-yard of the frigate, 
 aad dropping from it into the fort. But what's that 
 under the moon ? — there's a sail in the offing." 
 
 Swinburne fetched the glass and directed it to the 
 spot. " One, two. three, four. It's the admiral, 
 ■ir, and the squadron hove-to for tlie night. One's 
 a line-of-battlcship. Til swear." I e.xamined the 
 vessels, and agreeing with Swinburne, reported them 
 to Mr. I'alcon. My watch was then over, and u 
 ■oon as I was released I went to my hammock. 
 
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