\iij\(kX. '^^■^s£ who curt- seys profoundly, while Simon bows them off \^. h.) Mrs. Wiley, What charming young men I and what an ex- cellent chance for Jemima, and how fortunate that the girl's affections are entirely free ; I must go and prepare her for the introduction. — {Lookino 'at the letter.) — "Mr. Unit, whose in- come is thrice " A«thought strikes me ; Mr. Unit seems the elder of the two ; I think Mr. Layton will be the best match 4 for Jemima ; and theHiwho knows but I may excite an interest in the heart of Mr. S»ingleton Unit; I'm a widow; 1 only own to forty, and it'sAvorth the experiment at all events. / . ' [Exit R. H. //' y / 'SCEi^fE III. Another Apartment ai'^Vi%. Wiley's Folding doors at the bacp; a piano-forte R. h. ; Jemima disco- vered in a morning wrapper, practising ; a door k. h. s. e. Jem, {Singing and piai/zng.)r^Iij^-my— cottage near a wood — Love — and Rosa — now — are — mine Rosa— ever— fair — and — good Charm me — with those smiles of thine. — {Throwing herself back in her chair.) — I shall never learn to play the piano ; I wish to gracious, ma would not insist upon my being so accomplished ; there's my schoolellow, Harriet Haw- kins, practised night and day for six years before she was mar- RURAL FELICITY. 25 vied, and now she never touches the instrument, unless she wants to send her husband to sleep; I suppose music is a bait to catch husbands — and which, if once swallowed, they never have any relish for again. — {playing.J " In my cottage," &c. &c. Enter Mrs. Wiley ai the back. Mrs. Wiley. Jemima, love, you must dress yourself im- mediately, I have two young menxin^mate friends of your uncle George, coming on a visit h^e.\j Jem. La Ma ! Two young men, oM^ you say? How you agitate me. ^ Mrs. Wiley. And of fortune, too ; ^ur dear uncle, who has always an eye to our welfare, has'' senV'tt^em here, requesting that I shall lodge them during their s^^ at Snugbury. Jem. Dear Uncle George, ho^ his^oes think of all our little wants. v\r>^ ^ Mrs. Wiley. Now, dress your^s^4°fi"'^®diately. Jem. Shall I put on my blue silftv or my muslin ? Mrs. Wiley. Your muslin'^^^r ; si^ gives a person a pur- posely dressed air. Jem. My hair in French . Mrs. Wiley. Yes, deaf, wit^a ringlet or two ; but I leave the arrangement of your hair to_jotr^ own natural good taste. You look very pale, Jemima. vS^ Jem. Pale, ma ! ^^^ Mrs. Wiley. Quite ill V Jem. La, ma ! Mrs. Wiley. Fetch your rouge Jem. Yes, ma ! \^Exit Jemima r, h. d. Mrs Wiley. Nature often requires a little assistance from art. Re-enter Jemima with rouge. Jem, We musn't keep such late hours, ma ; if we do, my 26 RURAL FELICITY. complexion will be quite ruined ; we've been to parties three nights running, and to-morrow we're invited again to Mrs. Colpepper's. Mrs. Wiley. {Touching Jemima's cheek with the rouge.) — There, now you have quite enough colour ; just sufficient to give a fine fulness to the eye, and an animation to the general expression ; you must now think of all your little powers of pleasing. Jem. ril play the music-lesson that I've just been prac- tising. Mrs. Wiley. Do, dear ; and call in the aid of your French, now and then — the occasional use of a foreign word in con- versation gives one an accomplished air in the eyes of the person with whom one is talking. Jem. Especially if he don't understand it. Ma ? Mrs. Wiley. 'Tis the attention of the youngest of the two that I wish you to encourage. Jem. And if he won't be encouraged, am I to try the other. Mrs. Wiley. No, dear ; I shall endeavour to render that un- necessary ; but recollect that you never lose sight of delicacy — a little reserve is ever to be preferred to a forward vulgarity — policy demands it, no less than principle. Enter Simon. Simon. The two gentlemen have returned. Ma'am. Mrs. Wiley. Run to your room, dear, and don't appear till I call you. Jem. No, Ma. [^'^riY Jemima, r. h. l. Mrs. Wiley. Show the gentlemen in here. Simon. Yes, Ma'am. — (Simon bows in Layton and Unit.) Unit. We have fulfilled our promise of returning immedi- ately. Ma'am. Lay. Though I am afraid you will find us very troublesome. t 1 C (Bowing.) — Oh, Madam ! RURAL FELICITY. 27 Mrs, Wiley. Troublesome ! you pain me to hear you — my dear brother's friends are ever too welcome to cause trouble — indeed, our little anxieties for their comfort, are so many plea- sures to us. Unit. Lay. Mrs. Wiley. Charles ! Simon. (Advancing.) — Marm ! Mrs. Wiley, (Aside to kim.J — Madam, sir — shall I never learn you to say Madam ? and don't stand in that awkward manner. Simon. You told me to carry my arms easy. Mrs. Wiley. Silence ! are the rooms ready for the reception of these gentlemen ? — (Aloud.J Simon. Not quite — Mar — Madam. Mrs. Wiley. What remains to be done ? — (aloud J — recol- lect the reply that I told you to make — you've the heads of it written down. — (Aside to Simon.) Simon. Yes, Madam ! — why. Madam — {producing a slip of paper, and occasionally peeping at it,) — Betty is scouring the tloor — William is cleaning the windows — new blinds are being put up — your best parlour chairs are going in — a new chim- ney-glass is ordered on purpose for their sitting-room — the carpets are beating — boxes of mignionette are being put on the window-sills — Miss Jemima's piano is about to be moved to their best room — Joe's gone — Joseph's gone to buy some gold fish to put in the two new globes — fresh bell-ropes are being put up, and the ceiling whitewashed. Unit. Madam ! is it possible that we can be giving you all this trouble ? Lay. My dear madam — we don't wish Mrs. Wiley. My dear sirs, don't distress yourselves. Charles ! — (To Simon.) — why did you enter into such a detail? Sim. Why mar Mrs. Wiley. Silence — you will excuse him, I know, gen- 28 RURAL FELICITY. tlemen ; our country servants are so simple, so unsophisti- cated. Unit. So I have discovered, madam. Mrs. Wiley. You must take a little refreshment. Unit. I thank you madam, but we have just had Mrs. Wiley, Nay, nay, I won't be denied — Charles, wine and cake. Simon. Do you mean it, ma'am ? — (aside to Mrs. Wiley.) Mrs. Wiley. Of course, sir. Simon. Oh, very well. fExit r. h. f. e. Mrs. Wiley. After the amusements of London I am very much afraid that you will find the country intolerably dull. Unit. Oh no, madam, if we meet with pleasant society, there can be no ennui for us, be assured. Mrs. Wiley. My J.emima will be here presently ; she is now taking her music lesson ; fond of music, Mr. Layton ? Lay. Passionately, madam. Mrs. Wiley. So is my Jemima ; her whole life is past in cultivating that delightful science; ah, I can foresee some many very happy evenings for us. You, Mr. Unit, have some taste — some other passion perhaps. Unit. I'm fond of the garden — flowers Mrs. Wiley. So am I — all my time is pass'd in my green house ; you shall see my pinks, my auriculas, my jeraniums, my myrtles, my double jonquils, and my Camilla joponica. A sweet passion, Mr. Unit, is the one for flowers; Fm quite eastern in my notions of them — to me they are a language. Uni'. I like a rubber at whist. Mrs. Wiley. So do I. Lay. I am fond of drawing. Mrs, Wiley. So is Jemima ; she sketch'd a cow last week that was nature itself, Lay. Indeed! Mrs, Wiley. I think I hear her in her room. Jemima dear. — (callingj — I'll first go to her, she may not be prepared to RURAL FELICITY. 29 meet strangers, besides she is rather diffident, rather timid, but that is a failing in itself so amiable, that I do not care to cor- rect it. Excuse me a moment, gentlemen ; in the mean time make yourselves quite at home, walk about, look at the books — the pictures. Mr. Layton here is the piano, Jemima and you will be friends immediately, / can see — shan't be a moment. [Exit R. H. D. Lay. Singleton ! Unit. What? Lay. I have a horrid suspicion that that woman has some strange motive in making us so welcome. Unit. To tell you the truth, I feel alarmed. Did you ob- serve how she look'd at me ? Lay. I did. Unit. What could she mean by it ? Lay. To captivate you. Unit. Lord! I'll run away immediately — she intends her Jemima for you, I think. Lay. And hence all this affected kindness. Unit. No — no — no— I'll not believe it — 'Such art cannot exist in this sequestered place. Lay. Shall we put her truth to the test ? Unit. In what way? Lay. By continuing in the tale we told to Mrs. Colpepper. Unit. That we are already married ? Lay. Yes. Unit. Agreed. Hush ! — they come. Re-enter Mrs. Wiley, leading in Jemima, r. h. d. ; Jemima dressed; Layton and Unit rise. Mrs. Wiley, {Introducing Jemima.) — My daughter Jemima ! — (Layton and Unit bow profoundly.) Jem. {Aside to Mrs. Wiley.) — Which is to be my beau ? 30 RURAL FELICITY. Mrs. Wiley. The youngest ; be seated, gentlemen, 1 beg — say something pointed, dear — {aside to Jemima.) Jem, Yes, Ma — hem ! voulez vous mangez^ gentlemen ? Unit. (Aside to Layton.) — What does she mean? Lay. I cannot say. Mrs. Wiley. Jemima, show Mr. Layton your portfolio. Jem. Yes, Ma — out — {aside.) — FU show him my cow. — {She takes a portfolio from the piano and gives it to Layton ; Simon at the same time enters with wine and biscuits on a tray.) Mrs. Wiley. Are you fond of field sports — of shooting, Mr. Unit? Unit. Yes, Madam. Simon. Ha! ha! — {smothering a laugh, and shaking his head at Unit.) Mrs. Wiley, Charles — what do you mean ? Unit. Excuse him, Madam, your question brings a circum- stance to his mind that Simon. (Handing the tray over Unit's shoulder y) — don't — don't — don't — I shall drop the things. Mrs, Wiley. Quit the room, sir — {To Simon, who places his tray on a table, and rushes out at the back.) — Charles is too fa- miliar — I must give him notice. Unit. Nay, Madam, I am to blame. Mrs. Wiley. Hand Mr. Layton a biscuit — (to Jemima.) Lay. {Rising,) — No, no. Jejn. {Running to the table)-~With. pleasure, sir — {handing basket) — Je vais le faire tout de suite. Mrs. Wiley. (To Unit )— A charming girl that, Mr. Unit — a good girl — her temper is angelic — the hope of one day seeing her comfortably settled, is all that makes me cling to life ; for ever since Host my poor husband — he was a kind crea- ture, sir — I was quite a child when I married him — ever since his decease, I have never been truly happy — I weep for him every day. RURAL FELICITY. 31 Unit. Nay, Madam, where is your philosophy? Lay. Singleton, don't you think this young lady's eyes are extremely like Unit. Whose? Lay. Can't you guess ? Unit. No. Mrs. Wiley. He admires her eyes — excellent. Jem, Now really sir, if you look at me so, I shall let every- thing fall. Lay. Like your wife's. Mrs. WUey. What! Jem. Oh gracious. Unit. No, no. I think them more like your wife's. Jem. (Dropping the basket.) — Oli ! — CFalli?ig into a chair). Mrs. Wiley (Sinking in her seat.) — They're both married ! Jem. Both married ! — (Layton a7idVNiT rise.) ^' ' What is the matter, ladies, what's the matter? Lay. ^ Unit. 5 Mrs. Wiley. Nothing, gentlemen, 'twas a fright. Jemima and I have our little antipathies — an insect. Jem. An arraignee ma a spider Enter Simon at the back, showing in Tom with boxes. Simon. The gentlemen's luggage ma'am : it had better be taken to their room at once, I think. Mrs. Wiley. No — no. Bless my heart — dear, dear, that it should have escaped my memory till this moment. Jemima dear, now 1 think of it, the gentlemen can't have those rooms. Jem. I thought you had forgotten yourself; did'nt you pro- mise them to Mrs. Wiley. To be sure I did — that I should not have re- collected the circumstance till this moment — to Sir John Fitz- raorris ; how lucky it came to my memory before it was too late ; I would'nt offend Sir John for the world — dear — dear — what's to be done ? 32 RURAL FELICITY. Simo7i. (Jd side to Mrs.Wiley) — Am I to bow 'em out, madam? Mrs. Wiley. (Jlside to Simon.) — Immediately. Jem. But stay ma the gentlemen can have the little room on the third floor. Simon. That's haunted — beside the rain comes in in four places, and the bed hasn't been slept in for nine years. Mrs. Wiley. What's to be done ? Unit. We'll return to our inn. Tom. Some travellers have taken every room they had to spare, sir. Mrs. Wiley. How very unfortunate. You'll readily allow, gentlemen, that no blame can attach itself to me ; had it not been for the friend of our family, Sir John Fitzmorris, you should have been most welcome to every comfort that my house possessed, but he may arrive immediately — or he may not — at all events, it would look singular, were the spare rooms, that I promised him, already in possession. Unit. Don't make so many apologies, madam. Mrs. Wiley. Vm so afraid that you should think me in-, sincere •, but I throw myself entirely upon your liberal notions of human nature, and wish you good morning. Come Jemima dear. Jem. (Aside to Mrs. Wiley and taking her ai-m.) — What could that stupid uncle George mean, by sending us married men ? Mrs. Wiley. A thoughtless creature. I'm ashamed of him. .lem. Shameful ! Mrs. Wiley. Scandalous! — Good morning, gentlemen — good morning. .Tern. Au revoir — au revoir. — (They both curtsey and go off R, H. leaving Unit and Layton looking at each other in a state of astonishment.) Layton. Rural Felicity— pure and unadulterated nature.— >(fo Unit.) RURAL FELICITY. 33 Unit. These are merely exceptions, Layton ; we shall yet find truth and honesty of purpose. Simon. {Advancing.) — I'm waiting to bow you out. Unit. Bow me out ? Simon. Yes, sir ; I told you that's what I had to do here. Unit. Tom, take our boxes back to the inn. Tom. Yes, sir; IVe done nothing all the morning, but walk about with these boxes. — {Exit Tom at the back. At the same moment Cecilia and Harriet appear ; Cecilia as a Scotch^ and Harriet as an English country girl.) Q ^ Simon. Hollo ! who are you ? — {They enter through the folding doors.) ^,.^ecil. My business is with Miss Martha Gibbs. Simon. The cook that lived here once ? JZecil. Yes, sir. Simon. She's gone away. „,.--Ceci7. Mair's the pity ; as my cousin and I have travelled mony a long mile to bring her gude news. Simon. You'll hear of her at Mr. Twaddle's, I think. .„^ Cecil. I ken naething o' Mr. Twaddle, I but ken that she ance lived here, and I shall set mysel' doon till I see her. — {sitting in a chair l. h.) Har. So shall I; — {sitting in another r. h.) — my cousin's a cute body, and I shall do just everything as she do. Simon. Well, this is cool; you mus'ht sit here, my good women. ^^Cecil. Awa wi' ye, my little mon ; ye dinna ken good man- ners, to talk to a leddy in sic a way ; awa wi ye, and don't stand staring there at me, as if I were a bogstalker. Simon. I tell you Martha's gone away. Cecil. Then gang ye and learn where she's gane ; and come back and tell us. Har. Do, now, that's a kind little gentleman. D 34 RURAL FELICITY. Simon. I must bring my Missus to ""em. An't you all going ? I'm waiting to bow you all out. ."— CeciV. I shan't gang. Har. Nor I Unit. (Sitting.) — Nor I Lay. f Sitting.) — Nor I. Simon. I'll fetch Missus to you ; she'll have you all out of the house in a jiffy. [Eoeit r. h. Unit. CTo Harriet.) — You're a very pretty girl. Har. Go along, do. Lay. (To Cecil.) — I must see your face, my dear. „,. — Cecil. Dinna come near me — dinna now. Unit. (To Harriet.) — You and I must be better acquainted, my love. Har. No thank ye, Sir, I'd rather not; I'm engaged. Lay. (To Cecil.) — Won't you speak to me, my dear? ^^^ecil. Nae, Sir. Unit. (To Layton.) — Layton, I shall be a happy fellow at last; here is indeed a pure specimen of rustic innocence. Your name, my sweetest ? Har. Mary, Sir. Unit. Mary! there's purity, truth, greenfields, and haycocks, in the very sound. Lay. (To Cecil.) — Let me hear your voice. ^y^ecil. I canna speak now, Sir. Lay. But two words, just to tell me who and what ye are. Come, now, (taking her hand) ^^ecil. (Starting up.) — Awa wi' ye, awa wi' ye, or I'll plant my ten talents into your ugly face. Ah ! ye may stare ; ye'll get little gude by talking to sic as me, sae keep your breath to blaw yer ain porridge. I ha heard o' your warks here ; and, tho' you do luke like a gentleman, with that fine coat ootside yer back, yet I wadna trust you wi' a saxpence — and that's braid Scotch — ^Layton and Unit start up amazed.J RURAL FELICITY. 35 (Mrs. CoLPEPPER enters at the back.J Mrs. CoL Ah ! ray dear friends, here you are — I've been hunting for you every where. Excuse my coming in here, but dear Mrs. Wiley makes no stranger of me — run in and out whenever I like. Mr. Singleton, my business is with you — your arm, if you please. If you're not settled on lodgings, I've the loveliest little paradise to show you. Our kind, hos- pitable friend, Mrs. Wiley, won't have you, will she ? — thought so ; — and I know dear good Mr. Spike won't ; — so the little grotto that I've looked at will be the very place — four rooms — every thing to be done for you — every thing found you — 'tis in the house of an honest couple with six children. Unit. But, my dear Madam, I Mrs. Col. Come, my dear Sir, come, or they'll be snapped up by some one. Unit. A word with my friend ; one moment, madam, if you please ; find out who these girls are, Layton ; I'm dying for that little rural beauty. Mrs. Col. Come, sir; quick— quick. — (Mrs. Colpepper takes Unit by the arm and hurries him off at the back.J ^ r^,Jl . S> * Trio. — Layton, Cecilia, and Harriet. Lay. Tell me where you dwell my sweetest — Tell me where you dwell. Time with us would speed it fleetest, i Could you love me well. — (^To Cecila.) Livelong days would hours be, Hours, minutes, pass'd with thee. , Har. Sir, you do not speak sincerely, All your words are air ; Your intent, 1 see most clearly. Is but to ensnare. We've with time too much to do, E'er to waste it so on you. 36 RURAL FELICITY. Cecilia. I pray ye gentle sir, that ye'U leave us to ourselves, For we ne'er wish to ken sic as ye ; We're puir folk, and ye by yer gay gowden rings, Are a callant of some high degree, I'm not fit to be yer bride, And nought else will be beside : Sae tak my word, gang on your gate— and now, sweet sir, adieu For we canna, winna, canna, munna, buckle to. Layton. Tell me where you dwell my sweetest? Cecil and Har, All your words are air. Layton. Time with us would speed its fleetest, Cecil and Har. You but would ensnare. We've with time too much to do. E'er to waste it so on you. Cecil ^ Har. going out at the back, arm in arm, — 'Adieu ! Adieu Layton watching and waving his hand to them,-— 'Adieu I ' End of Act I. RURAL FELICITY. 3/ ACT II.— SCENE I. The interior of a cottage very neatly furnished, a practicable cot- tage window at the back with curtains to draw ; a door near the window J on which is a bolt ; a guitar lying on a table, and an album ; book of music, 8fc. 8fc. ; Chairs, 8fc. one old fashion- ed and high backed. Betty discovered putting the room in order. Betty. There now, every thing is nice and tidy ; and when my young ladies come home, I think they must admire my method of keeping a house comfortable, when I've nobody to order me about, and make me do things against my own judg- ment, as I have in that Grabbleton Square. Fm head servant here, because I'm the only one. What a droll idea, to be sure, that Miss Harriet and Miss Cecilia should come here and live in a cottage in disguise. Ha ! ha ! for a change I like it vastly. Enter Harriet and Cecilia still in disguise, d. f. Har. Betty, fasten the door, and go to your room. Betty, Yes, Miss. — (Betty /aspens the cottage door, and goes off, L. H. — Harriet and Cecilia fall laughing into chairs.) C Har. Ha ! ha ! ha ! what curiosity we have excited here : who would have supposed that in a quiet and secluded spot like this, so much of that weakness could have existed. Did you observe Mrs. Wiley's servant watching us ? ...^^Cecil. And that lady too — she who seems so very intimate with our swains. Har. Swains, indeed ! that we should have given ourselves so much trouble for two such rakes — to think that your Sin- gleton supposing me to be a simple country girl, should be making love to me at the first glance. -Cecil. And that your Layton should, at first sight, be equally interested for a braid Scots' hizzey. — Oh ! these 38 RURAL FELICITY. Har. I hale them all. ^^ecil. Don't, Harriet, don't hate them — 'tis trifling with a very refreshing passion to hate such creatures ; if we hate them, we but give them a notion that they have had it in their power to wound us mortally ; no, no, we must treat them with total indifference ; depend upon it that is more galling to them than all the hatred that ever entered into the human heart. Har. The best way to show our indifference, would be to return to London immediately. yCecil. For what ? Because the two poor wanderers, not re- cognizing us, have felt disposed for a little flirtation ; we must not be too severe with them. How fortunate that Betty obtained, for us, the circumstance of Mrs. Wiley's maid, Mar- tha Gibbs, leaving her — 'twas an excellent excuse to get into the house. Har. All the village is striving which shall first give us some information of the poor woman, ^ Cecil. Merely to discover who we are; well, we've a nice little cottage of our own, at all events — which, luckily, we found already furnished, and to let. Har. What is to be our next project ? Cecil. All we have now to do, is to remain quietly here, and observe our gentlemen — should they dare visit us, or follow us, or ask any questions, we must resolutely support our characters; if we are discovered, of course our fine plot is ruined, and all must then be left to circumstances. I'm going to put our dresses in order. Be cautious ; if any one calls don't forget yourself; recollect your simplicity; for now we have com- menced this frolic, it must and shall be persevered in. lExit Cecilia l. h. Har. I never anticipated that our country trip would have led to this — and that a love quarrel should have caused it all; ah, love ! how sad it is that you should ever die, when your RURAL FELICITY. 0» life and being only springs from all that is beautiful and divine : — Song. What gires life to love ? A glance— a tone — a tear, Value known. Kindness shown, Some accent sweet, some word sincere ; Oh these give life to love. When sources such as these supply- Love with life— he ne'er should die. What keeps life in love ? A hope — a smile — a sigh, Rosy youth, Trusting truth, And hearts that every change defy ; Oh these keep life in love. When sources such as these supply Love with life — he ne'er should die. What brings death to love ? A slight — a frown — a sneer. Anger blind, Words unkind. Concealments art, some jealous fear Of these bring death to love. How sad he cannot live for aye When all that's wretched sees him die. Jlfter the song a knock is heard at the door — Harriet opens it, Simon enters. Simon. Beg your pardon — Missus told me lo call here, to tell you, that if you particularly want Martha Gibbs, she thinks she can find her out for you. Har. (Curtseying.) — No thank'ye, sir. I don't think it be so particular as that. Simon. (^Looking about him.) — Um — a very snug little place. — (aside.) — Missus has sent me here to find out who these two 40 RURAL FELICITY. young women are, and I mus'nt go home again, without learn- ing something. Pray, young woman, where do you come from? Har, Lancashire, sir. Simon. Um — are you a single young 'oman ? Har. Please sir — yes, sir. Simon. Quite, without a husband? Har. Quite, sir. Simon. How old are you ? Har. One and twenty, sir. Simon, A very lady-like age. Got any money ? Har. A little, sir. Simon. Um — How much ? — a hundred pounds ? Har. More than that, sir. Simon, La ! My stars. — (aside.) — a thought has just popp'd into my head. Single, and more than a hundred pound ! I must look to this young person — what did you say your name is, my dear ? Har, Mary Simon. Don't you think, Miss Mary — sit down a minute, do now ; oh you won't find me at all proud. — (Harriet and Simon sit.J — Don't you think, Miss Mary, that its a very melancholy thing to be a single young woman ? Har. Sometimes, sir. Simon. 'Specially on a fine quiet summer's evening, when the sun's a setting, and the moon's a rising; and everything is so quiet like, and one sees the young women all walking about with the objects they love ; don't you then want some- body to walk about with you too. Har. Yes, sir. Simon. I'll come this evening and take you out — shall I ? Har. Yes, sir, if you please, Simon. And I'll say all the lovingest things I can think of, shall I? and if I should happen to get courage to say, Miss RURAL FELICIIY. 41 Mary, will you allow me to lay my heart and fortune at your feet, you won't look black at a fellow, will you ? Har. No, sir. Simon. Then we'll bind the bargain. Har. With what, sir? Simon. A kiss ! Har. (Starting up J — Oh, no, no. Cousin, cousin — (calling.) Here's a gentleman wants Enter Cecilia hastily. C ^^ecil. What? what? Simon. To tell you about Martha Gibbs. Har. He wants to be my beau. ^^.^JCecil. Wha' the deil ! ye'd sure ne'er take up wi sic a wee wuzzen faced fellow as that. I wunner ye an't mair taste. Simon. Come, come, none o' your remarks — you're none o' the handsomest — and your grammar's horrid, — (A knock at the door.) ^Cecil. Eh ! some ane's at the door— come in. Enter Mrs. Hotterley Colpepper. Mrs. Col. Tis only me, young woman — only me — I have heard that you have been enquiring for a person named Martha Gibbs ; I merely called to tell you that I've a servant living with me who can give you every information respecting her. Har. (Curtseying.) — Thank ye. Ma'am — that gentleman has called on the same matter. Mrs. C-ol. Gentleman ! — Oh ! Mrs. Wiley's valet ! — I shall take a seat — my walk has fatigued me. So you are going to live here — and a very nice little place you've taken — so clean, so comfortable — you'll find the landlord a troublesome man — a good, kind creature — but very harsh with his tenants — always puts the broker in the house the day after quarter day, if the rent's not paid. 42 RURAL FELICITY. Simon. (Aside.) — No fear of them not paying rent, when one of 'ems got more than a hundred pound. Mrs. Col. Your object is to get employ here, I presume ? Pve no doubt you'll succeed — every body prospers that comes to Snugbury, except those who go to the workhouse. A nice flourishing village — pity the poor-rates are so overwhelming. Bless me, what's that? — {pointimg to the guitar which Siyio^ has discovered, and is [examining.) — A guitar! Har. CCurtseying.J — Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. Col. Who plays ? Har. rPointing to Cecilia.) — Jeannie, Ma'am. ^^^cil. Na — Mary, Ma'am — (pointing to Harriet.) Simon. (Jlside.) — My stars — my wife will play the music. Mrs. Col. (Aside.J'-'There's something very, very strange about these young people — who can they be ? Enter Twaddle, d, f. Twad. Ah ! Mrs. Col. — are you here? Mrs Col. Yes, sir ; were you looking for me ? Twad. No — no — merely dropped in to tell these young wo- men where the person they were enquiring for — Martha Gibbs — is most likely to be found, ^.■^ecil. (Aside to Harriet.) — How very anxious they all ap- pear to serve us. Har. Will you please to take a seat, sir? — {To Twaddle, presenting a chair,) Twad. (Sitting by Mrs. Colpepper.^ — I didn't expect to have the pleasure of meeting you here, Madam. Mrs. Col. Indeed, Sir; these two young strangers, I pre- sume, attracted you ? Twad. No, no, my dear Madam — positively. Enter Mrs. Wiley and Jemima, d. f. Mrs, Wiley (To Simon, as she enters.) — Oh, here you are, Sir; very pretty haste you have made. Ah I Mrs. Colpepper RURAL FELICITY. 43 and Mr. Twaddle, good afternoon. I did not expect to meet so much company here ; have merely stepped in to tell these young people, that I can obtain information of Martha Gibbs, the person they were enquiring for, Mrs. Col. That was my sole object in calling, Twad. And mine, I assure you, Jem. {Bringing an Album from a table.) — La Ma ! here's a beautiful book, with gold edges and blue morocco covers, full of pictures and poetry, I declare. How magnifique ! ^^Cecil. Your Album is discovered {Aside to Harriet.) Har. And your guitar {Aside to Cecilia.) jCecil. More food for curiosity {Aside. J (The Cottage window is opened, and Unit is seen looking in; Latton is also discovered at the door ; Harriet and Cecilia see them.J Cecil {Aside to Harriet.) — There they are. Our bonnets — we shall be discovered. — (Harriet and Cecilia run off, l. h.) Mrs. Col. (Rising.) Ah, gentlemen, I see you — I see you. Come in — all here are friends — come in. — {She runs to the door, and brings in the two young men J Unit. We really beg your pardon — but — Mrs. Col. You didn't expect to find so many visitors here. Unit. We merely called to tell these young people, that we have ascertained the present abode of Martha Gibbs, the person ■ they were enquiring for yesterday. Mrs. Col. How delightful, to be sure ! how refreshing to meet with such an unanimous instance of a wish to assist our fellow-creatures ; if our motives were but pure and disinterested, our names ought to be handed down to posterity. Lay. Are the young people at home ? Mrs. Col. The young people, indeed ! Oh, Mr. Layton, the cloven foot is now showing itself. Unit. Don't be too hard upon us. Madam. Mrs. Col. Ah, you're sad rakes — sad rakes. 44 RURAL FELICITY. Unit. Mrs. Wiley, your most obedient. Sir John arrived yet ? Mrs. Wiley. Not yet. Mrs. Col. Sir John ! Who's Sir John ? — (To Mrs. Wiley.) Mrs. Wiley. Ask Jemima. 'Tis an unexpected visit on her account. Jem, La Ma! how can you? You shouldn't — motives of delicacy might prompt you to spare me — penser serieusement moi condition, ma. — (Jemima turns up the stage, and replaces the Album.) Mrs. Col. (Aside to Unit.) — Has she been talking to you of that Sir John? Bless you, 'tis an old story; quite an ima- ginary being, I assure you. Mrs. Wiley's a very good crea- ture — a kind, motherly, well meaning woman — but tells lies. Shocking, is it not, Mr. U. ? Enter Mr. Dormouse Spike, and Miss Spike. Dor, Bless my life— I did'nt expect to meet such a multi- tude here. Miss Spike. Brother Dor we'd better go home again. Mrs. Col, Ah, Mr. Dormouse Spike, how dy'e do ; — two friends of mine from town.^-(introducing Unit and Layton 'J — they did bring a letter of introduction to you, from Mrs. Wiley's brother ; 'twas merely for the purpose of helping them in pro- curing lodgings ; they were to have stayed with Mrs. Wiley — but she, good soul, expects Sir John Fitzmorris; he, you know, promised two years ago that he would one day pay her a visit, so she now looks for him every moment* Mrs. Wiley. (Aside to Jemima.) — I hate that Mrs. Colpepper. Jem, So do I Dor. We have merely called to tell the two young people who are living here Miss Spike. That our maid can tell them, where Martha Gibbs is to be found. Mrs. Col. (To Unit.) You see, Mr. Singleton, how very RURAL FELICITY. 45 rapid is the march of universal philanthropy — of kindly thought for others. Fifty years ago, before we were born or thought of, not a soul would have stirr'd hand or foot to assist these young strangers; but now we have arrived at such a paradisai- cal state of perfection, that the interests of the meanest creature becomes our own — when our own are at all connected witn them. Unit. Where are these young people, in whom we are so in- terested? Mrs. Wiley. Do you know who th«y are, Mr, Unit? Unit. I do not indeed. Jem. Nor you, Mr. Layton ? Lay. No, madam. Jem. It's very singular. Martha always told Ma, she had no friends or connections, but a grandmama. Simon. One on ''em''s got money. JilL ( Rising. J— Sir \ Mrs. Wiley. Charles! Jem, Tezzy vous, Charles, how do you know? Simon. Oh, cause I do. Mrs. Wiley. Hold your tongue, sir Mrs. Col Hush ! here they are Re-enter Harriet and Cecilia, with their bonnets on — All the parties resume their seats. Unit. Really this is a very singular meeting ; this congregat- ing of all the elite of the village, is enough to confuse the young people. Jem. The elite are too well bred to take advantage of any- body's circumstances ; they always know how to behave them- selves ; politesse makes le homme. Mrs. Col. Going out, dears ? — (To Cecilia and Harriet.) ^^^Cecil. Granging to market, my leddy. Mrs. Col. I forgot to tell you, the young strangers are musical. I discovered a guitar here 46 RURAL FELICITY. Unit. A guitar ! Lat/. Indeed I Simon. (Producing it.) — Here it is, Ma'am. Mrs. Col. Pray, my dears, before you go, will you oblige your visitors with a specimen of your accomplishments. ^Xiecil. Nay, ma'am, we're o'er frightened before sic gran folk. Unit. Pray oblige us, my dear. — {Advancing to Cecilia.) Mrs. Col. {Pulling Ukit back.') — Keep your seat, Mr. U. ; you wiU intimidate them. Twad. Which is the instrumental performer ? Cecil. Baith. Twad. Which the vocal ? J2ecil. Baith. Mrs. Col. One of them, I know, will oblige us with an air ; music is a favourite pursuit in our little paradise, here; scarcely a cottage but has its piano. As for your Jemima, Mrs. Wiley, you know I have heard her every morning for the last two years, playing most delightfully, most scientifically — to be sure it is always one tune, but that 1 presume is a favourite-^ — now, my dear young woman, pray oblige us; we are all anxious to hear you. — {Giving the guitar to Cecilia.) — Silence, all of you ; Mr. Spike, be composed and forget all your little anxieties, all your troubles, your lawsuit with Mrs, Wiley, and ev6ry domes- tic annoyance, in the sweet fascinations of harmony divine. — (Harriet takes the Guitar from CECihik, and accompanies her in singing the following: — Song. WORDS BY BURNS. Oh open the door some pity to show, Oh open the door to me, oh ! Tho' thou hast been false — I'll ever prove true, Oh open the door to me, oh ! Cauld is the blast upon my pale cheek. But caulder thy love for me, oh ! The frost that freezes the life at my heart, Is nought to my pains frae thee, oh ! RURAL FELICiTf. 4t The wan moon is setting behind the white wave And time is setting with me, oh ! False friends, false love, farewell, for mair I'll ne'er trouble them, nor thee, oh ! She has opened the door, she has opened it wide. She sees his pale corse on the plain, oh ! My true love, she cried, and sunk down by his side ; Never to rise again, oh ! AIL Excellent! Beautiful! Mrs. Col. Is not that divine ? Unit. Exquisite! Mrs. Col. What do i/ou think, Mrs. Wiley ? Mrs. VTiley. I think her the charmingest singer 1 ever heard, except my Jemima. Mrs. Col, Of course — the connoisseur must be sacrificed to the mother— Jemima is a sweet singer, a love of a singer — when she's in tune. Jem. I wish you would not mention my accomplishments in public, Ma — it's mauvais honte — quite barbare. Mrs. Col. (Rising) — Good morning, young people — (to Cecilia anrf Harriet^ — you have delighted and charmed us; there is not a soul present, I'm sure, but will use every exertion in discovering the person that you have been enquiring for — (aside) — there's a singular mystery about these girls — good bye — you must come to my party this evening — you must, in- deed. Jem. Do you hear. Ma? Mrs. Col. is absolutely inviting them to her soiree. Mrs. Col. I shall expect you — come just as you are — Mr. Twaddle, your arm — I shall expect you early. Har. J ^ i. Thank ye. Ma'am. Cecil. ^ Mrs. Col. Mr. Twaddle, your arm — adieu, gentlemen — adieu — come, Mr. T. [Exit d. f. Mrs. Wiley. Good day, young women — I shall be happy to 48 RURAL FELICITY. assist you in your enquiries — (aside) — they're no better than they should be — come, Jemima, love. Jem. Oui ma! — Charles, suivant, follow us. Simon. Yes, Miss. Mrs. Wiley. {In passing Dormouse) — Calumniator! Dor, Despicable woman ! Jem. (To Miss Spike)— Old maid. Miss Spike. Flirt I — (They sneer at each other as they go out : Simon follows Mrs. Wiley and Jemima to the door, but slips back unperceived, and conceals behind the high-backed chair J. Mrs. Spike. Brother Dor — did you ever see such imperti- nence? Dor. Never. Miss Spike. Are they to be at the party to-night ? Dor. I suppose so. Miss Spike. Then I shall not go. Dor. Mrs. Col. is one of my witnesses in my lawsuit ; we must not disappoint her. Miss Spike. Then I shall not exchange a word with Mrs. Wiley or Jemima all the evening. Dor. Good bye, young women — we shall be happy to assist you in your enquiries for Martha Gibbs. Miss Spike. Come, brother Dor — they're two forward things — I've no notion of people singing before company im- mediately they're asked — its highly indelicate. — (Dormouse Spike, and his Sister, go off at the back.) Lay. (To Unit.) — What think you of Rural Felicity now ? Unit, I begin to waver in my faith ; but no more of that — we've found one felicity, at least — we are alone with our two riddles. Lay. (To Cecilia.) — My lovely North BritoD> jCecil. Awa' wi ye now. Awa' wi ye. Unit. (To Harriet.) My sweet wild rose, why do you turn RURAL FELICITY 49 in fear from me ? there is a charming mystery about you both, that has fascinated us. I Har. (Aside to Cecilia) — How shall we get rid of them ? ' Unit. Come, come, let us fairly look at your bright eyes ; don't be so coy — a kiss now — but one — we are alone — oh, you are timid in the presence of a third person. Layton, ask your Jeannie there to show you the crocu^s in the kitchen garden. I jCecil. Na — I winna leave ma cousin. Unit. My love ! Lay. (To Cecilia) My life ! ^CeciL Dinna — now — dinna. ffar. Let me bide, let me bide I say. — (Unit and Layton are striving to kiss Harriet and Cecilia, when Simon looks over the back of the ehair.J Simon. Hallo ! hallo ! mind what you're about. (f ^^^' i CStarting.J^Who's th2it^. Lay. 5 Simon. Tve seen all your tricks, you'd better take care, my uncle's the beadle o' this parish. Unit. (Rushing up the stage and seizing Simon.) — Villain ! what right have you here, sir ? Simon. More right than you have. Lay. Bow him out. Simon. Come, come, take your hands from me ; that young woman, — (pointing to Harriet,) is lawfully engaged to me. Unit. To you. — (shaking him.) Simon, {retreating to the door.) — Keep off. . Lay. Out with him. Simon. I won't go. Unit, (Following him.J — You shall, sir. Simon. I won't. — (Simon struggles with Unit, they both go out at the d. f. Layton who has followed them to the door, is suddenly pushed out oftfie cottage by Cecilia, who fastens the 50 RURAL FELICITY. door ; Harriet at the same time securing the window and drawing the curtains.') Both, Ha! ha l hal ^^^^ecil. We've a clear house at last. '. *- Har. My rustic admirer has been our best friend. ' ' ' Xiecil. :^h» Unit. (^Without.) Open the door, pray do. Cecil. Na. Lay. (singing.') — Oh open the door, some pity to show. Open the door to me, oh ! Cecil, (^singing.) — Oh, thou hast been false, tho' I have been tru-e. And I'll ne'er ope the door to thee, oh ! Har. c Both 1 Oh thou hast prov'd false, and we have prov'd true, Cecil, i Singing. 3 So we'll ne'er ope the door to thee, oh I JOecil. Hark ! hush — (listening) — they have gone at last - we have at least excited the curiosity of the whole village ; puzzled our lovers, and have repeived an invitation to a card party. Har. Shall we go ? Cecil. Go — of course ; luckily I have packed up some even- ing dresses, and at this party we will make our entree, in all our metropolitan splendour-7-i»xliamonds, feathers, and-^Ttte.V Har. But Layton and Unit ! y^ecil. We'll not condescend to notice the creatures. We'll now treat them with supreme indifference. If we find them very penitent, we may then venture to forgive, and ask for par- don in return. We must not 1qs4 sight of mercy; ^'tis a hea- venly virtue, my dear cousin, and one that must be exercised in the Court of Love, as well as in that of justice. V i *X.9 Duett — Harriet and Cecilia. Cecilia. When friends are false, And in return For kindness shown, Give wrong — and sp ura RURAL FELICITY. The grateful word Should fortune's spite. E'er change their day, To dark midnight. Oh, should they then Their fault regret. What should we do ? Harriet. Be merciful — forget. When those we love, With truth sincere, To some slight word Give ready ear, And sadly wound The heart, they know Would break ere it Could pain bestow. Oh should they then Their fault regret, What should we do ? Cecilia. Be merciful — forget. Both. Be merciful — forget. 51 SCENE 11. [ExeuTif. QX^^^ -*> A Landscape, Enter Layton and Unit. Layton. You seem dull, Singleton : have your disappoint- ments in country innocence made you unhappy? Unit. I certainly did not expect to find so many town faults and vices existing, in so small a village, the members of which, were they all residing together, would scarcely ex- ceed in number many a large family. Tlien, there are those girls — they bewilder me ; hang their bonnets — one can't get a glimpse at their faces for their bonnets. I hate all bonnets; one has to thrust one's head out, and then look so obliquely 52 RURAL FELICITY. to get but a glance at a pretty face, that one seems to be peeping for it round a corner. Then, there are your long bonnets, that bury a set of features at the extremity of an im- mense tunnel of straw, so that if one happens to snatch a view of a lady's beauty, one feels as if one were looking down a deep passage, in the hope of discovering the beam of an eye, or the outline of a nose, in its deep recesses. I hate all bon- nets. We'll return to London to-morrow. Layton. Our intention was never to see London again. Unit. Well, well, we will talk the matter over to-morrow, after we have pass'd through the ordeal of Mrs. Colpepper's card party. I hear that all the village are to be there ; and that our fair rustics are invited as lionesses. — {Enter Tom, with boxes, r. h.) — What's the matter now? Tom. Vm walking about with the boxes again, sir — the man at the cottage where Mrs. Colpepper's recommended us to live, says we must turn out. Unit. Turn out ! — for what } Tom. Because his conscience won't allow him to keep you. Unit. His conscience. Tom. Yes, sir ; he says as you only arrived here yesterday morning, you must have travelled in your post-chaise all Sunday. Unit. Well ! Tom, You see, sir, he lets chaises out himself; but he is paid by some party or other not to send any out only on week-days; therefore he can't think of keeping you in his house, as you have travelled in a hired chaise on a Sunday. Unit. Indeed' — then had I come in my own carriage, it would not have signified ? Tom. No, sir. Unit. Now I ioill return to London — even the country is not secure against the inroads of hypocrisy and cant, and one RURAL FELICITY, 5S. had better meet it in all its original deformity in town, than encounter its petty imitation in a pettier village ; we must seek other lodgings for the night. Lay. You still have the letter of introduction to Mr. Spike. UnU. ril not trouble any more of them. Take the boxes to the inn, Tom j tell them they must accommodate us, during our short stay — if we sleep on the floor, in a barn, any where, they must lodge us. Lay- Till we escape from the delights of Rural Felicity. Unit. Follow me, Tom. {Exit Unit l. h. Tom. (Following.) I shall never gQ.i rid of these boxes. Lay. Poor Singleton's Arcadian ideas are becoming strangely confused — for my own part, I would return to Har- riet immediately, were I not held back by my pride. Oh that she were here — a walk among these shady woods and pleasant fields would soon lead us to forget every unkindness; of all times to win a heart, give me a fine May morning in the country. SONG Oh, come with me, my only love, The sky is warm and clear ; And sin it is, my sweetest love, To waste our moments here : — , The year is now in budding prime, And all things give the warning, That this is love's own precious time, A fresh and fair May morning. This is the place, my gentlest love, For woven hearts like ours, These pleasant fields — this silent grove, These hills, and verdant bowers ; Now tell me, love, when you'll be mine, Shall it be, when adorning This wondrous earth, sweet sunbeams shine, Like those of this May morning ? 54 RURAL FELICITY Or when they light the merry bee Through caves of summer flowers — Or when the year is^old, and she Weeps o'er her dying hours ? — I'll whisper love — now, shall it be ! A smile's my cue for scorning A moment's waste, 'tis there I see. You're mine this bright May morning. SCENE. III. A Hall at Mrs. Colpepper's. Enter Mrs. Colpepper, dressed for the party, followed by „^ /^ Simon, r. h. Mrs. Col. Now, Charles. Simon, Yes, ma'am. Mrs. Col. Charles, I believe, is the name by which your mistress addresses you. Simon. Yes, ma'am ; cause it has a genteeler sound than Simon. Mrs. Col. If you are very attentive to-night, I shall not for- get you. Simon. Thank'ye, ma*am ; I understand my missus has lent me to you, because you are short of servants. Mrs. Col. Yes, Charles. Your duty will be to announce the arrivals. Simx)n. Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Col. My intimates you must desire to walk in here. Simon. Yes, ma'am — and please, ma'am, if that young woman comes — she that you invited here, because she play'd a fiddle with her fingers — may'nt I ask her down in the kitchen, during the evening, to take a cup o'tea wi me ? Mrs. Col. Will she accept your invitation ? RURAL FELICITY 55 Simo7i. Oh, yes, ma'am; matters are in a very tender way between us two. Mrs. Col. Indeed! Simon. We are going to be one, very soon. She's got a little money ; I've got a little love. She's no objection, and I should like ; so it's an understood thing. Mrs. Col. Upon my word, Charles, you have lost no time. Simon. Never do, ma'am. Mrs. Col. Take care, take care; matrimony is a very de- lightful state, a very divine state ; sometimes people are very happy in It — but much oftener very, very miserable. Take care, young man. Simon. If I don't like it, I'll never do it again, you know. Mrs. Col. The company are arriving ; go and attend them. Simon. Yes, ma'am ; I'm glad my missus has lent me here for the evening. I can watch my intended at the party, and see how she behaves herself. [Exit Simon l. h. {j.fyKf'^^ Enter Twaddle, l. h. Mrs. Col. Ah, T. ; I thought you would be one of my earliest visitors. Twad. Yes, madam ; I guess'd that you expected me amongst your first arrivals ; and believe me, when I avow, that to grant your every wish, is the sole reason that I condescend to live and breathe. Mrs. Col. Oh, you charming man ! how distressing that you are not so young as you were.- Enter Dormouse and Miss Spike. Mrs. Col. Ah, my friends ! happy to see you. How d^ye do, Arabella dear? how sweetly your body fits; — what a pity it makes you look so high shoulderM ; though altogether its very neat. — (Aside to Twaddle.) — Did you ever see such a fright ? Twad. Never. 56 RURAL FELICITY. Enter Mrs. Wiley and Jemima. Mrs. Col. Ah, my dears — we had better now adjourn to the parlour; the rest of our friends are there, no doubt. Seen our two strangers since this afternoon? Jem, The masculine, or feminine strangers I Mrs. Col. The gentlemen. Jem. I have not, Madame. Mrs. Col. There is some mystery about those young men that I cannot comprehend. Jem. I don't think Uncle George knows them so well as he ought. He sent them to Ma, and their conduct was very strange while they were at our house. They say they are married — if so, where are their wives ? Dor. They had a letter for me, I hear ; I am glad they did not present it, for I have a very strong suspicion they are two swindlers. Mrs. Col. Don't say so, Mr. Spike — Swindlers! Mrs, Wiley. I'd advise you to take care of your plate. Mrs. Col. La, Mrs. Wiley] You really terrify me. Yet, now you mention it. there is an air of trepidation, and some- thing of caution and anxiety about them, that is very singular. Twad. Better have half a dozen of our constabulary force in readiness. Miss Spike. As for those two young women, I've no notion of them. Country girls don't play upon guitars. Jem. Nor carry albums about with them. Mrs. Wiley. You may depend upon it, they are highly im- proper people altogether. Twad. The women are the confederates of the men, no doubt. Dor. And they have only come here to plan some extensive robbery — Mrs. Wiley. Or get into every bodj^'s debt — Miss Spike. Or make horrid mischief in the town — 7'wad. Or cut all our throats in our bed — RURAL FELICITY. 57 Sem. Or revolutionize us all. Mrs. Col. Dear, dear, dear — that I should have invited such people to my house ; — that I should have made my peace- ful home the rendezvous of such banditti ! What a pity Captain Dragon refused to come to-night; I should have felt safe in his presence. He refused to meet you and your mamma, Jemima. Jem. No wonder, after the way he has behaved — wouldn't call young Hopkins out, that insulted me last time I was here. An opprobrious demagogue. Enter Simon, l. h. Simon. Almost all the company have come, Ma'am. Mrs. Col. Mr. Spike, lead your sister to the room; — you know your way ! — (Exit Mr. and Miss Spike, l. h.) — Now, Mrs. Wiley, you and dear Jemima follow. — lExit Mrs. Wiley and Jemima, l. h.) — Mr. Twaddle, I've one word to say to you, before we go to the parlour. You have followed me now for seven years — may I ask for what purpose ? Twad. In the hope of one day calling you by the name I bear. Mrs. Col. Then, why have you never said so before ? Why have you allowed me to remain lone and defenceless so long ? Well, sir, I now consider my life in danger. I look upon you as my future husband — and I trust, if you see any disposi- tion on the part of these strangers to commit any outrage here, that you will prove yourself worthy of the affection I intend to have for you. Twad. If I shrink from my duty, madam, despise me and cast me off for ever. Mrs. Col. Well said, Mr. T. ! no one would suppose that you were sixty. [^Exit Twaddle, conducting Mrs. Col. 58 RURAL FELICITY. SCENE IV. A spacious parlour at Mrs. Colpepper's, illuminated with can- delabras and chandeliers. Four card tables are set out ; at a table R. H. Mr. Dormouse Spike is discovered with a party c' whist ; on l. h. table Jemima is seen making one of another party. Mrs. Wiley is seen at another table on the l. yl. play- ing ; at which table Doctor Squills is also discovered. — A pause. Dor. How very silent we all are. What are trumps ? — (I'o a lady at the table.) Lady. Hearts ! Dor. Thank'ye, ma'am. How stands the game? Lady. We are four. ? < »-- Miss Spike. fAt her table.) — What shocking hands I do hold this evening ; havn't held a court card yet. Enter Mrs. Colpepper and Mr. Twaddle, through the folding doors at the back. Mrs. Col, Well, my dear friends; I need not enquire whether you are all happy. Mr.T. take a seat at this table, — {pointing to table l. h.) — don't mind me; I shall be sufficiently employed in looking after your little comforts. Enter Simon, c. d. ; Simon. Mr. Layton and Mr. Singleton Unit. — (Exit SiMOVi. Dormouse Spike awo? Twaddle rise.J Mrs. Col. Hush ! be seated, I beg. All that we have to do is to watch them closely. — (Spike a7id Twaddle resume their seats ; Layton and Unit enter at the back, they bow.) Mrs. Col. Ah, my friends ! happy to see you. Miss Hob- day ! — {calling a young lady from one of the card tables) — I entrust this gentleman — (presenting Layton,) — entirely to your care. Mr. Layton, you will find Miss Hobday a very fas- RURAL FELICITY, 59 cinating young person. My dear, — (aside to her) — if he attempts to cheat at cards, scream out and collar him. — (Lay- ton and Miss Hobday joass to one of the tables.) ^ Mrs. Col. Mr. Singleton, I shall take you under my maternal care ; you'll take a hand at whist, presently, no doubt. Unit. If you please, ma'am. Mrs. Col. Charming amusement, when people play as we do — for the meie excitement of the game, and with no view whatever to winning money. Unit. Have your visitors from the cottage yet arrived '? Mrs Col. Bless me, no ; I had forgotten them. I've such a treat for you, my friends, in two strangers that I expect here ; quite rustic in their manners, but possessing accomplishments that would grace any rank; and beauty, that will make one or two of our young ladies here, bite their lips to contemplate ; eh ! Mr. Singleton ? Unit. Indeed, madam, I've had no opportunity of beholding their charms. Mrs. Col. Can he be speaking the truth ? Enter a Servant at the back. Servt. The ^o ladies from the cottage. — (Exit Servant, Jemima, Mrs. Wiley, Miss Spike, Twaddle, Dormouse laugh heartily.) ^"*' i Ladies. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Miss Spike. : Mrs. Wiley. Ladies, indeed ! Ha! ha! ha! Mrs. Col. It's their innocence, poor things ; they are not accustomed to society. If it is not their iiMiocence, it must be their art ; I must watch them narrowly. — (Cecilia and Harriet er'er at the back, splendidly dressed. All the party rise on per ceiving them. — They advance very majestically ^ and curtsey with great grace to the company,) Lay. Harriet! 60 RURAL FELICITY. Unit. Cecilia. Simon. (Who has been handing refreshments.) — My young 'Oman. Mrs. Col. My dears. Lay. I'm alarm'd ! Unit. 1 'm charm'd ! Mrs. Col. I'm astonish'd ! Simon. I'm electrified. .am /^d} •nn^^'^iAi Mrs. Col. My dears, we were not prepared for this magnifi- cent display. Mr. Singleton, you appear astonished ! Mr. Layton, you seem scared ! what is the matter ? Do you know these gentlemen ? — (To Harriet and Cecilia^ ^'/^ecil. Never saw them before — faside.J — in this place. Har. Nor I, — (aside.) — at this house. Mrs. Col. The two gentlemen who were at your cottage this afternoon. ^^^,.^ecil. Indeed? Gentlemen, I have the honor.-^(CECiLiA awi Harriet curtsey to Layton and Unit very profoundly; then go up the stage ^ arm in arm ; all the party turning to look at them with glances of curiosity. Lay. They have followed us Unit, And won't know us. Lay. I shall go mad. Unit. I am mad. — (They fall into chairs.) Mrs. Col. Gentlemen, are you ill? Unit. Yes, dying. Lay. So am I. Unit, (To Layton) — We'll not notice t\\em.^(They jump jrom their chairs and go up the stage ; Harriet and Cecilia come down again and take their places.) Mrs. Col. What is the cause of the confusion of those gentlemen? Har. Really I don't know. Mrs. Col. How very singular ! Charles, hand the ladies some RURAL FELICITY. 61 refreshment. — (Mrs. Colpepper goes up and whispers to seve- ral of the guests ; Simon hands the ladies some wine. J Simo7i. C Aside to Harriet.^ — If you always dress as stylish as this, your hundred pound won't go a great way. Har. Sir! Simon. I say your hundred pound won't stand much o' this. Har. Mrs. Colpepper, your servant is insolent. Simon. Insolent! well, T\\ be hang'd. I said nothing but Mrs. Wiley. Silence, Charles ; you forget yourself. Simon. No, missus, she forgets me, — Mary. — {To Harriet.) Mrs. Wiiey. Leave the room, sir. Simo7i. Well, if I can make head or tail of this, I'm a Dutchman. — (Simon goes offy looking at Harriet with astonish- ment.) Mrs. Col. {Standing between Harriet and Cecilia.) — Really, my dears, I cannot but admire your taste in dress ; the silk is beautiful ; your feathers, too, -are very imposing — very — would look very becoming — if they were clean. Jemima dear — do, pray, come and join me in my admiration. Miss Spike, do look — pray — very dashing, are they not? Miss Spike. I can't pretend to say. I can only observe that the indelicacy of their present conduct confirms my suspicions. Mrs. Col. Suspicions of what ? Miss Spike. Suspicions, that were I even to name, would implicate my reputation. ^^Cfect?. Madam. — f^T^o Miss Spike.) Jem. Tezzy vous, Miss Spike ; please to recollect yourself. Don't feel hurt by any thing that young person can utter. I have not been able to avoid her malignant censure, Mrs. Col. Come, come, we have met here to be pleasant. Jemima, go to your cards; your case is now in a court of law, so no more of that. Miss Spike, these ladies are my guests, invited here purposely to contribute to your amusement, and to 62 RURAL FELICITY, that of the rest of the company. To avoid any further re- marks, will you, — {To Cecilia and Harriet.) — or one of you, oblige my friends by a display of those accomplishments of which I have already spoken in such unmeasured terms. The choice of the subject and style of your display, whether German, French, or Italian, of course must be left entirely to you ; humbly presuming that you are acquainted with each. Cecil. Perfectly, madam. GRAND SCENA. ?,' Cecilia. Eecitative. Be silent all — and Music vou shall hear, To suit a German^ French or an Italian ear. Scena. The mists are rising thick and fast, And dim the crescent moon 'Tis May-day night and thro' the air, A host will come full sooii, A host of witches strange and mad, With whirr, and whoop, and yell, To do upon the Hartz to night. Deeds that no tongue dare tell, The owl screams out, tu whit, tu whoo. As on they come with a wild Halloo. On yonder stream a little boat, Is floating all alone. Away and place your faith in me, My dearest and my own, y'Y^ — .< Near that fair Isle you see afar, - A little chapel stands, To that we'll quickly sail away, And join our willing hands. For sweetest, well, full well you know, Our hearts were mingled- long ago. Then from Germanica swiftly we'll haste, R,>ma's Pasticcio anxious to taste, \_.vh'>i4«> RURAL FELICITY. 63- Leaving behind us horrors so drear For allegrezza, as there's none here. Now away o'er land and sea Come, my dearest, come with me. During Cecilia's singing, Harriet has taken her seat at a card table ; when the Scene is concluded, Cecilia goes %ip the stage ; Unit meets her, and brings her down again. Unit. Cecilia ! Cecil. Sir! U)iit. Dearest Cecilia ! I cannot endure this indifference — this slight. Lai/. (Bringing Harriet down the stage.) — Harriet! Har. Sir! Lai/. Explain this meeting; you have followed to recal us to your hearts. Har. Release my hand, sir. — (Breaking aicay from him.) ^^.,„*-— Cm/. (Breaking from Unit.) — ^Don't come near me, sir! — (Harriet and Cecilia go up the stage again, r. h. ; Layton and Unit go up, r. h.) Mr. Spike. (Throwing up his cards.) — Madam! — (To his partner.) — I'll not play any more ; you throw away all your cards ; it's very provoking. My hand would have won any thing if you had not destroyed it. Mrs. Col. Mr. Spike, what's the matter ? Mrs. Wiley. (Throwing down her cards.) — Mr. Twaddle, you cheat ! Twad. Cheat, madam ! Mrs. Wiley. Yes, sir — you conceal cards. Twad. Madam, how dare you say so ? Mrs. Golpepper, I shall go home ; I cannot remain here to be insulted by that woman, Mrs. Wiley. Woman ! Jem. Don't excite yourself, ma — sit down. Mr. Spike. I will not play any longer — (coming forward) it's very odd, Mrs Col. — but whenever I come here I always lose. 64 RURAL FELICITY. Mrs. Col. Do you mean to insinuate. ? Miss Spike. You should not have come, brother ; you're rightly served. Mrs. Col. Silence, I beg ; let me understand Unit. (To Twaddle.) — What do you mean, sir — (bringing him down l. h.) — what do you mean, sir? I overheard your base remark respecting those ladies, sir ; who are my acquaint- ances ; instantly recal your word, sir. Twad. Sir, if you're a gentleman, you know your course ; but I strongly suspect who and what you are, sir ; Mrs. Col- pepper, look to your property. Unit, Scoundrel ! your age alone protects you from instant chastisement. Doctor Squills. (Rising at his table.) — You have revoked, sir ; you have. A Gentleman at the same table. I have not, sir. — (Doctor Squills throws over the table ; some of the ladies scream ) Dor. I shall go home — come, sister. — (Dormouse exits hastily at the back, dragging his sister with him.) Twad. Mrs. Colpepper, secure your doors — while I run for constabulary aid. Unit. Explain yourself, sir. — (Twaddle and several of the party run off at the back.) Mrs. Wiley. We'll go home, Jemima ; I never was so cheated and insulted in all my life. Jem. I never met with such canaille — come, ma! Mrs. Col. {To all the party as they are going off.) — Mr. Twaddle, where are you ? — Mrs. Wiley, I beg you'll explain. Mr. Spike, I shall faint ; remain you here, gentlemen, remain vou here. Twaddle without. Twad. Mrs. Colpepper — fasten them in, lock them in the room. (Mrs. Colpepper runs off and closes the folding doors.) Lay. Well, Singleton, if this is rural felicity, the poets RURAL FELICITY. 65 have told us more lies than ever I have given them credit for; what do you think now ? Unit, That if those for whom alone we left London, will forgive us — I, for my own part, will never seek for happiness again but in that home, which one being that I know of could make so blest. Cecil. Well, Singleton, we think that all of us have been sufficiently punished ; in a moment of pet we listened to slan- dei*s that we have since discovered were false as the tongues that uttered them — we knew that you had left us in anger, and to beg your forgiveness, we have followed you ; and though we feel spiteful for the flirtation you indulged in when you supposed us to be Jeannie from Scotland, and Mary from Lancashire — yet we freely consent to forget all. Unit. Dear, dear Cecilia. Layton, you villain, do you hear ? Have you made your peace? Lay. Yes, Singleton ! my Harriet has been equally ingenu- ous, and all is forgiven. Unit. Then to-morrow, at sunrise, we will leave this delight- ful village of Snugbury, feeling assured that truth is not a cat to attach itself to places only : if she be not found in our own hearts, we must never hope to meet with her ; for being a true sympathizer, she flies in scorn all minds that possess no spark of her divine essence. Re-enter Mrs. Colpepper at the back. Mrs. Col. My dear friends, I beg you ten thousand pardons for my unjust suspicions. I have overheard all that has past, and can now comprehend your mystery ; so let us make up our minds to pass the rest of this evening good-naturedly and plea- santly. I shall do my best, believe me ; I love every body that are worth loving ; to be sure we have all our little fail- ings, and though I ever speak well of all my friends— -that de- serve it, yet if I do at any time touch upon some little fault, 6G RURAL FELICITY. 'tis for their good — to awake them to a sense of it. Ah, you will find me a very charming woman — when you know me bet- ter. And you — (To the Audience) that have known me so long, will, I trust, bear me out in the assertion ; and if you will forget all our defects, remember only what may be worth the remembrance, and give us your entire good word, nothing- can then be wanting to complete our Rural Felicity. FINALE. Lay. All unkindness thus subduing, What on earth so sweet can be ? As affections joys renewing, X'^ ^' ' ' ^- - 'Tis life's best felicity. All. All unkindness, &c, Har. Though from grief and prospects blighted, None on earth can e'er be free; Yet with love and truth united, Life has some felicity. "^ .All. All unkindness, &c. .t. t- ., . Cecil. Hopes and fears, and doubting orer, Hymen comes with honest glee ; Then let truth still bind the lover. Life is all felicity. All. All unkindness, &c. G. Cowie, Printer, 13, Newcastle Street, Strand. IpurruiN 30 DAY USE TO DISC FEOIC WHICH BORROWD MUSIC LIBRARY nil J»HiSK JAN ^m . v*-lO/T4(8lM5L) Geoenl Libr«rT . UaiTenirr ol Califonu Pamphlet Binder Gaylord Bros., Inc. Stockton, Calif. T.M. Reg. U.S. Pat. Off. DA' Ml Univers 30 DAY USE RETURN TO DESK FROM WfflCH BORSOWED MUSIC LIBRARY This book is due on the last date stamped below, or on the date to which renewed. Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. JW 30 im JAN 3 1979 nFnl8l981 LD21A-10m-10/74 (S1945L) General Library University of California Berkeley Gaylamount Pamphlet Binder Gaylord Bros., Inc. Stockton, Calif. T.M. Reg. U.S. Pat. Off. ML50.B5.R8 C037513853 U.C. BERKELEY LIBRARIES ill CD37513flS3 DATE DUE Music Library University of California at Berkeley 1