BAC/IELOR BIGOTRIES ■ w \ ^^K EXUBRIS UNIVERSIIY OF CALIFORNIA^ j 'Vi JOHN HENRY NASH LIBRARY ^ SAN FRANCISCO ^ PRESENTED lOTHE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA ROBERT GORDON SPROUL, PRESIDENT. <» BY" * Mr.andMbs.MILTON S.RAY CECILY, VIRGINIA AND ROSALYN RAY AND THE RAY OIL BURNER COMPANY SAN FRANCISCO NEV/YORK xiCi*:. ^^i:^.^,^' ^ "As for the women, though we scorn and flout *em, We may live with but cannot live vsathout *em." BACHELOR BIGOTRIES COMPILED BY AN OLD MAID AND APPROVED BY A YOUNG BACHELOR. ILLUSTRATED BY AN, EX-BACHELOR Man and the horse-radish are mo^ biting when grated. — Richler. PUBLISHED BY A YOUNG MARRIED MAN £^ 2 ^ BACHELOR " BIGOTRIES U Illustrated by A. F. WILLMARTH COPYRIGHT 1903, BY PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY Tis pleasant business making books When other people himish brains." PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY PUBLISHERS, SAN FRANCISCO yr . ""^^y In spite of all that these pages may contain to prove the contrary " I know the thing that's moSt uncommon ( Envy be silent and attend ), I know k reasonable woman. Handsome and witty, yet a friend." To her, my si^er, and to my old bachelor brother this little volume is affedtionately dedicated by the OLD MAID If a fellow's bound to marry a fool, and a lot of men have to if they're going to hitch up into a well-matched team, there's nothing like picking a good-looking one. — George Horace Lorimer. January Seventh Lager, der girls, und der dollars — dey makes or dey breaks a man. Kipling. January Eighth All my friends who have embraced Popery have done better than those who have embraced wives. Houghton. January Eleventh You spend a year worrying because you think Bill Jones is going to cut you out with your best girl, and then you spend ten worrying because he didn't. — George Horace Lorimer. January Twelfth These poor, silly woman things — they Ve not the sense to know it*s no use denying what's proved. —George Eliot. January Thirteenth He'd sparked it with full twenty gals, He'd sqmred 'em, danced 'em, druv 'em, Fu^ this one and then that, by spells — All is, he couldn't love 'iem. Lowell. January Fourteenth A Bonnie lass, I will confess, Is pleasant to the e'e ; But without some better quality. She's no a lass for me. Burns. January Fifteenth 'K '!^ >:< jj- jg Qj^ly [j^ qIJ bachelors' and old maids' dreams of wedded life that there are no family jars or scrapping matches. — Dorothy Dix. January Sixteenth Love is not in our power, Nay, what seems danger, is not in our choice. — Froude, January Nineteenth — by love the young and tender wit Is turned to folly. —Shakespeare. January Twentieth Keep your eyes wide open before mar- riage ; half shut afterwards^ — Poor Richard. All down the loose-walled lanes in archin' bowers, The barb'ry droops its brings o' golden flowers, Whose shrinkin* hearts the school gals love to try With pins, — they'll worry your*n so, boys, bimeby. —Lowell. January Twenty-second Woman is a bundle of pins ; Man is her pincushion. — Henry Harland- January Twenty-third What a Grange thing is man! And what a Granger is woman ! — Byron January Twenty-fourth A ^ory without a hero — "Recollec- tions of a married man." Puck. January Twenty-sixth Woman, Man, or God or Devil, was there anything we feared ? Kipling. January Twenty-seventh The man who shrinks from attra(5ling attention should marry. —Life. January Twenty-eighth Woman's faith and woman's tru^ Write the charadters in du^. — Sir Walter Scott. January Thirtieth " They are fools who kiss and tell,*' wisely hath the poet sung ; Man may hold all sorts of po^s, if hell only hold his tongue. —Kipling. January Thirty-fir^ Time IS ungallguit, it tells on a woman. —Life. February Fir^ Matrimony is a two-handed play in which from the beginning one always cheats. — Vada Agnew. February Second He is a fool who, thinks by force or skill To turn the curren{ of a woman's will. " — Sir Samuel Tuke. February Third ^* Men have died ere this, ^ And worms have eaten tbcnC But not for love. -^ ''—Shakespeare. February Seventh Wisely I say, I am a bachelor. — Shakespeare. February Eighth What courage can with^and the ever- during and all-besetting terrors of a v/oman's tongue? -Irving. February Eleventh Single blessedness and married cussed- ness. — Ethel Watts Mumf ord. February Twelfth A man may drink, and no be drunk ; A man may fi^t and no be slain ; A man may kiss a bonnie lass, And aye be welcome back again. — Bums. February Fifteenth The Kf e of an intelKgent bachelor is very well worth living. _ Max O'Rell. February Sixteenth Ay; marriage is the life-long miracle! — Charles Kingsley. February Seventeenth I takes my pipe, I takes my pot ; And drunk Fm never seen to be ; Tm no teetotaler, or sot, And as I am I mean to be. — Gilbert. February Eighteenth Women are made for our comfort and delegation, gentlemen, with all the re^ of the minor animals. Thackeray. February Nineteenth It's the sillied lie a sensible man like you ever believed, to say a woman makes a bouse comfortable. George Eliot. " YouVe airas a layin' everything to women or reKgion, Captain Pharo Kobbe!*' " Don't mention on 'em in the same breath," said the Captain, "don't. They hadn't never orter be classed together." - Sarah P. McLean Greene. February Twenty-second Fir^ among the women, an' amazin* fir^ , in war —Kipling, . February Twenty-third You shall see that wealth and women are deceitful ju^ the same. — Bret Harte. February Twenty-fourth Gladys — Auntie, when does a woman commence to grow old ? Aunt Broadhead — Ju^ as soon as she begins to underhand why it is her husband does not seem to pity his old bachelor friends. — Puck. I February Twenty-fifth If ye gie a woman a' her will, Gude faith ! she'll soon o'er gang ye. — Bums. February Twenty-sixth I know the ways of women ; when you will they won't, and when you won't they're ^dying for you. ^ Dr. Ramage. " O sweeter than the marriage fe§^, *Tis sweeter far to me To walk together to the kirk With a goodly company!" Leap Year February Twenty-ninth Lasses gae to him And kiss him, and woo him. — Bums. Three things a wise man will not tru^ — The wind, the sunshine of an April day, And woman's plighted faith. __ Southey. March Seventh If there's delight in love, 'tis when I see TTiat heart which others bleed for, bleed for nie- — Congreve. March Eighth All women are treasures, so much be- yond price, that there's no getting rid of "^^^« — Harrison Ainsworth. Heaven has no. rage like love to hatred turned, Nor H^ll a fury like a woman scornied. — Congreve. March Twelfth A violent woman drives a man to drink, but a nagging one drives him crazy. — G. H. Lorimer. March Thirteenth I tell you there isn't a thing under the sun that needs to be done at all but what a man can do better than a woman. — George Eliot. March Fourteenth If ever you feel disposed, Samivel, to go a' marryin* anybody — no matter who — ^ju^ you shut yourself up in your own room, if youVe got one, and poison yourself off-hand. — Dickens. March Fifteenth When man and woman die, as poets sung, His heart's the la^ part moves ; her laA, the tongue. ^ Poor Richard. March Sixteenth " You can't buy happiness," remarked the bachelor. Tut, tut ! " said the married man. " What's the matter with spring bonnets ? " — Philadelphia Record. March Nineteenth I'D never love if I can help it, and if I love m bear it and never marry. — George Eliot. March Twentieth It's love that makes the world go round, but it's marriage keeps moA of the inhabitants hulling, — PucL March Twenty-second Oh, I know the way o' wives ; they set one on to abuse their husbands, and then turn round and praise *em, as if they wanted to sell 'em. __ George Eliot. March Twenty-third The in^ances that second marriage move Are base respedts of thrift and not of love. — Shakespeare. March Twenty-fourth " Philosophers like yourself are either too sane or too insane to marry. I cannot make out ju^ which is the wise one, he that does or he that doesn't, and I don't know that it makes much difference whether I can or jiQf." Marcli Twenty-seventh Death itself, to the reflecting mind, is less serious than marriage. — Landor. March Twenty-eighth Women mean trouble, and dress-clothes. — Josephine Dodge Daskam. March Twenty-ninth No more want of marriage bell. No more need of bridal favor. — B. W. Proaor/ March Thirtieth "It IS very curious about w^omen," he broke forth after a long meditative pause. " In spite of all my pondering on the subjedl, I never could quite underhand the secret of their fascination. Their goodness — if they are good — is usually of the quality of oat- meal — and w^hen they are bad * ' "They are horrid," I quoted promptly. "Amen,'* he added, with a contented chuckle, — Boyeson. March Thirty-first " Mo^ of man's troubles are caused by 3rii Mr^ Thou art a woman, and therefore a fool. — Ouida. April Second No wise man ever married, but for a fool it is the mo^ ambrosial of all possible future ^ates. — Byron. April Third So true a fool is love, that in your will. Though you do anything, he thinks no ill. — Shakespeare. April Fourth Soft music is beguiling. But so are girls when smiKng. A smile, a muslin gown, a curl — Take care ! a snare — the Summer Girl. — Life. iV,v April Fifth Matrimony is like an overwhelming dose of brandy and water ; it is a misfortune into which a man easily falls, and from which he finds it remarkably difficult to extricate him- seli . — Dickens. April Sixth Let the toa^ pass ; Drink to the lass ; rU warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass. —Sheridan. April Seventh To say why gals adl so, or so, Or don't 'ould be presumin*. Mebby to mean yes^ an' say no^ Comes nateral to women. Lowell. April Eighth Many a woman has cut her own throat with her tongue. —Dorothy Dix. April Ninth "Confound them tjimaras, sir.'* =^ ^ ^ "They're every bit as bad, sir, as women's tongues." _ Maarten Maartens. April Tenth I wish some girls that I could name Were half as silent as their pictures. — Praed. April Eleventh Before going to war say a prayer ; be- fore going to sea say two prayers; before marrying say three prayers. Proverb. April Twelfth Love burns as long as a lucifer match. Wedlock's the candle. — George Meredith. Think well what marriage brings ; She's fancy now, then she'll be fadl — And fadts are ^ubborn things. — G. B. April Fifteenth It is good for a man to be brought once, at lea^, in his life, face to face with fa^^ ultimate fad:, however horrible it may be. — Charles Kingsley. April Sixteenth Ladies, whose love is constant as the wind. —Young. There lives within the very flame of love A kind of wick or snuff that doth abate it. — Shakespeare. April Nineteenth There is probably no other ad of a man's life so hot-headed and fool-hardy as this one of marriage. —Stevenson. April Twentieth For Man is fire and Woman is tow, And the Somebody comes and begins to Wow. —Longfellow. April Twenty-fir^ After forty, men have married their habits, and wives are only an item in the K^, and not the mo^ important. — George Meredith. April Twenty-second I dare say she is like the re^ of the women — thinks two and two'll come to make five, if she cries and bothers enough abi>Ut it. —George Eliot. April Twenty-third A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. _Dr. Johnson. April Twenty-fourth Love cools, friendship falls off. Brothers divide. —Shakespeare. April Twenty-seventh A fool and his honey are soon mated. — The Cynic's Calendar. April Twenty-eighth It is very beautiful to be in love, but it is a great reKef to be out of it. — R. W.St. Hill. I May Second If you would make a good pair of shoes, take for the sole the tongue of a woman ; it never wears out. _ Alsatian Proverb. I May Third May Fifth Oh ! how many torments lie In the small circle of a wedding ring. — Colley Gibber. May Sixth Poor Mountf ord Wilts boailed of know- ing women, and he married. To jump into the mouth of an enigma is not to read it. — George Meredith. y May Seventh Wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig. —Shakespeare. May Eighth Old King Cole Was a jolly old soul, And a jolly old soul was he ; And why was he merry ? 'Tis elWent, very, Because ^there was no Mrs. C. — Puck. A decent, ^eady, sober man — No saint, however — not at all. — Gilbert. May Eleventh Seek not for favour of women. So shall you find it indeed ; Does not the boar break cover ju^ when you're lighting a weed? —Kipling. May Twelfth A mighty pain to love it is. — Cowley. May Fourteenth Women, plain or fair, do not readily forgive. — William Sharp. May Fifteenth Can I again that look recall That once could make me die for thee? No, no ! the eye that beams on all Shall never more be prized by me. — Moore. May Sixteenth Well, dere ain't no tellin' 'bout womin; de mug w^ot tinks 'e's er safe winner vv^en womin is de ^ake, dat mug is a farmer, S^re . — Townsend. I What they do in heaven we are igno- rant of; what they do not, we are told expressly : they neither marry nor are given in marriage. —Swift. May Twentieth For in the resurredliori they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels which are in heaven. —St. Matt, xxii: 30; St. Mark xii: 25; St. Luke XX : 34-36. May Twenty-third Make *im take 'er, an' keep *er ; that's hell for 'em both. _ Kipling, May Twenty-fourth Old maids lead apes there ^ where the old bachelors are turned to apes. ^ In hell. — Poor Richard. Ho ! pretty page, of the dimpled chin, All your wish is woman to win ; This is the way that boys begin. . Wait till you come to forty year. — Thackeray. May Twenty-eighth Mo^ men know what they hate, few what they love. — Colton. May Twenty-ninth Though I own that my heart has been ranging, Of nature the laws I obey, For nature is con^antly changing. — Gilbert. May Thirtieth Can we forget so easily, my Lord? A woman can. _ Lew Wallace. May Thirty-fir^ We aren't no thin red *eroes, nor we ^aren't no blackguards, too, But single men in barricks, mo^ remarkable, like you ; An* if some times our conduck isn't all your fancy paints, Why, single men in barricks don't grow into placer saints. —Kipling. June Fifth Three Good Reasons A Scottish miniver who was indefatiga- ble in looking up his folk one day called upon a parishioner. "Richard/* he said, " I hae na seen ye at the kirk for some time, and wad like to know the reason." ** Weel, sir,** answered Richard. " I hae three de- cided objections to goin*. Firmly, I dinna believe in being whaur ye does a' the talkin*; secondly, I dinna believe in si' muckle singin*, an*, thirdly, an* in conclusion, *twas there I got my wife.** _ Albany Argus. June Sixth A woman's double. -Hood. June Seventh A man mu^ be tolerably weak who submits to petticoat government and allows himself to be henpecked. —Ednah Robinson. June Eighth Love is a sudden blaze which soon decays. —Gay. June Tenth Their tricks an* craft hae put me daft, They Ve ta'en me in, an' a* that ; But clear your decks, an' here's " The Sex," I Kke the jades for a' that. Bums. June Eleventh We've got to take the bitters with the sweets; but unless they are very carefully compounded with other choice ingredients, they make a mighty poor cocktail. py^^j^ June Twelfth Marriage is a desperate thing. — John Selden. June Thirteenth *Tis woman that seduces all mankind; By her we fir^ were taught the wheedling arts. __ Gay. June Fourteenth If you want to be on good terms with women, knock at the door of their vanity, and you will always find them at home. — MaxO'Rell. June Fifteenth *' Do you think bachelors ought to be taxed ? " asked Willie Washington. . "No," answered Miss Cayenne. **I think the girls ought to make up purses and pay them bounties for not making homes unhappy." — Washington Star. June Sixteenth — it*s an impious, unscriptural opinion to say a woman's a blessing to a man now. — George Eliot. June Seventeenth Jack Barrett went to Quetta, And there gave up the gho§l. And Mrs. Barrett mourned for him Five Kvely months at mo^. — Kipling. June Eighteenth "There is only one thing that irritateth a Woman more than a Man who doth not underhand her, and that is the Man who doth." June Nineteenth " Drink to fair woman, who, I think, Is mo^ entitled to it ; For if anj^hing drives men to drink She certainly can do it.*' June Twentieth Men talk of the influence of women, but do women really influence us at all ? — Richard le Gallienne. June Twenty-fir^ " Men think women to be angels. It is not so. Woman dwells in the cask of her own opinion, and looks out through the bunghole of one idea.*' June Twenty-second ** In all this foolish world, no creature is so unmitigated a fool as man — excepting always woman.** June Twenty-third To paint an angel's kittle wark, Wi' Nick there's little danger : You'll easy draw a lang-kent face, But no sae weel a danger. — Burns. June Twenty-fourth " Commend a wedded life, but keep thy- self a bachelor.*' June Twenty-fifth " Here's to Woman, the source of all our bliss ; There's a foreta^e of heaven in her kiss ; But from the Queen upon her throne, to the maiden in the dairy, They are all aKke, in one respedt — * contrary.' " June Twenty-sixth Marriage from love, like vinegar from wine — A sad, sour, sober beverage. __ Byron. lune Twenty-seventh Women are books, and men the readers be. Who sometimes in those books errata see. — Poor Richard. June Twenty-eighth My only books Were woman's looks, And folly's all they've taught me. — Moore. June Thirtieth The temper of chums, the love of your wife, and a new piano's tune — Which of the three will you tru^l at trie end of an Indian June? —Kipling. July Fir^ He (Thales) was reputed one of the wise men that made answer to the que^on when a man should marry; a young man not yet, an elder man not at all. —Bacon. July Second 'Tis melancholy, and a fearful sign Of human frailty, folly, also crime, That love and marriage rarely can combine. — Byron. July Third " Papa, what is a king?*' " A king, my child, is a person whose authority is pra(5tically unlimited, whose word is law, and whom everybody mu^ obey." " Papa, is mamma a king ?" — Pittsburg Bulletin. July Fourth Secrets with giris, like guns with boys. Are never valued till they make a noise. -— Crabbe. Ah, the women are quick enough-— theyVe quick enough ! They know the rights of a ^ory before they hear it, and can tell a man what his thoughts are before he knows *em himself. _ George Eliot. July Seventh That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, If with that tongue he cannot win a woman. — Shakespeare. July Eighth Rash mortals, ere you take a wife. Contrive your pile to la^ for life. — Poor Richard, July Eleventh I commended mirth because a man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry. — Ecclesia^ics viii : 15. July Twelfth Love is not altogether a delirium, yet it has many points in common therewith. — Colton. jfe^H'^ July Thirteenth I have beheld The weathercock upon the steeple point, Steady from mom till eve, and I have seen The bees go forth upon an April mom. Secure the sunshine v^ill not end in show^ers • But when was woman true ? — Southey. July Fourteenth Since the days of Troy, or of Lilith, men have delighted in calling women weathercocks. —William Sharp. July Fifteenth Thou art wedded to calamity. — Shakespeare. July Sixteenth I cannot eat but little meat. My ^omach is not good ; But sure, I think, that I can drink With him that wears a hood. — Bishop Still Qohn). July Seventeenth The gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light Of ^umps that I burned to friendship, and pleasure, and work, and fight. — Kipling. July Eighteenth Lady (to departing servant) — "What shall I say in your reference } " Servant — "Ju^ that I ^ood it for six months with you, mum — that'll do for me.*' — Tid-Bits. July Nineteenth Mo^ women have no charadlers at all. — Pope. July Twentieth — if dere's a woman in de game, youse wanter keep yer eye peeled all de time, fer if yer snooze — wy wen yer wakes up, yer aintinit. Dat*s right. — Townsend. i July Twenty-fir^ When a man has seen the woman whom he would have chosen if he intended to marry speedily, his remaining a bachelor will usually depend on her resolution rather than his. —George Eliot. July Twenty-second "But how to know beauty in woman, when one sees it, that is the que^on,'* said a disappointed bachelor friend the other day. — William Sharp. July Twenty-third ' Tis not her air, for sure in that There*s nothing more than common, And all her sense is only chat, Like any other woman. —Whitehead. July Twenty-fourth Get you home and do not ^and dis- puting with me, for you know I am a Sala- mancan Bachelor of Arts, and there is no bachelorizing beyond that. — Cervantes. July Twenty-seventh Plain women he regarded as he did the other severe fad:s of life, to be faced with philosophy and inve^gated by science. — George Eliot. July Twenty-eighth The handsome^ woman looks homely sometimes, and so you get a little variety; but a homely one can only look worse than usual. — G. H. Lorimer, July Thirtieth Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. — Shakespeare. July Thirty-fir^ In matrimony, love is only hors d' ceuvre; friendship is the piece de resistance. — MaxO'Rell. Augu^ Fir^ Show me on earth a thing so rare, ril own all miracles are true, To make one maid sincere and fair ; Oh ! * tis the utmo^ Heaven can do. — Moore. Augu^ Second Man's love is of man's life a thing apart ; ' Tis woman's whole exigence. Byron. Augu^ Third Alas ! for love, if thou art all. — Felicia Hemans. Augu^ Fourth Woman is but warld's gear, Sae let the bonnie lass gang. — Burns. »^^ Augu^ Seventh Madam, we have no Animosity — We hit off a Kttle now and then, but no Animosity. _ Shakespeare. Augu^ Eighth Have you not heard it said full oft, A woman's nay doth ^and for naught ? — Shakespeare. Augu^ Ninth " You disobeyed me, Tommy. Didn't I say *no' when you asked for another piece of cake ? " "Well, maybe you think I don't know what a woman's ' no ' means." ^ — Town and Country. Augu^ Tenth In wedlock a species of lottery lies. Where in blanks and in prizes they deal. — Moore. Augu^ Eleventh Marriage is a rafHe, not a lottery. One man gets the prize, while the other gets the shake. — Chicago Daily News. Augu^ Twelfth These are Women, are they not ? — Shakespeare O marriage ! Marriage, what a curse is tJ^ine! —Aaron Hill. Augu^ Sixteenth Pleasant the snaffle of courtship ; improving the manners and carriage ; But the colt who is wise will abstain from the terrible thorn-bit of marriage. — Kipling. Augu^ Seventeenth Wedding rings worse are than manacled wri^s, Such is the creed of the Positivi^s. — Gilbert. Augu^ Eighteenth Every woman is the same. Congreve. Augu^ Nineteenth Sweet is revenge — especially to women. — B)nron. Augu^ Twentieth Half the sorrows of women would be averted if they could repress the speech they know to be useless — nay, the speech they have resolved not to utter. —George Eliot. The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages. — Swift. Augu^ Twenty-third An angry woman never won a man. — Lew Wallace. Augu^ Twenty-fourth Tongue ; well, that's a werry good thing when it ain*t a woman's. Dickens. i Augu^ Twenty-sixth Marriage, indeed, may qualify the fury of his passions, but it very rarely mends his "tanners. — Congreve. I Augu^ Twenty-seventh One bad woman can ruin more men than twenty good women can redeem. ■ — Lavinia Hart. . Augu^ Twenty-eighth T/ie sex, the fair sex, the unfair sex, the gentle sex, the barbaric sex. — Henry Harland. Augu^ Thirty-fir^ The love of books, the love of books, It passeth love of maids ; It doth not fade v^th fading looks, Like love of them — the jades ! — W. D. Elwanger, September Seventh Who lo^ Mark Anthony the world? A woman. September Eighth Who was the cause of a long ten years* war, And laid at la^ old Troy m ashes ? Woman A silly, big-eyed, clinging little woman who doesn't weigh a hundred pounds, can drag down the ^onge^ man like a mill^one around his neck. _ Nancy Huilon Banks. September Twelfth Fatal this marriage, cancelling your fame. Razing the characflers of your renown. — Shakespeare September Thirteenth If ever you're attacked with the gout, sir, ju^ you marry a widow as has got a good, loud voice,, with a decent notion of usin* it, and you*ll never have the gout again. — Dickens. September Fourteenth Shall I never see a bachelor of three- score again? —Shakespeare. September Fifteenth I hate a match. 1 feel sure that brim- ^one matches were never made in heaven ; and it is sad to think that with few excep- tions matches are all of them tipped with brim^one. _ike Marvel. September Sixteenth A wit should be no more sincere than a Woman con^ant. — Congreve. September Eighteenth Let not the heavens hear these tell-tale women Rail on the Lord's anointed! — Shakespeare. September Nineteenth Love seldom haunts the brea^ where learning lies. —Pope. September Twentieth " An hone^ man may like a lass," Mo^ hone^ men prefer a glass. September Twenty-second Be werry careful o* widders all your life, Sammy. _Dickens. September Twenty-third The faithless winds, blind rocks, and sinking sands. Are women all — the wreck of wretched nnien! _Lee. I September Twenty-fourth Fortune is capricious because she is feminine; for the same reason she is easily bluffed. Life. of life. September Twenty-seventh Marriage is the hitching-po^ on the road — Exchange. September Twenty-eighth Think not thy friend can ever feel the soft, Unmanly warmth and tenderness of love. — Shakespeare. — Atchison Globe. Odober Fir^ rd rather be married in Ocflober than any other time of the year, if Tve got to be. It*s kind of melancholy then, and one sees everything goin* to pieces, and don't mind what one does. — Hezekiah Butterworth. Odober Second A man is woman and a man besides, A woman only a woman. — Richard le Gallienne. Odober Third But what is woman? Only one of Nature's agreeable blunders. — Mrs. Cowley. Odober Fourth A woman is like to — but ^ay, What a woman is like who can say ; There's no living with or without one ; She's like nothing on earth but a woman. — Hoare. Odober Fifth One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well ; another vir- tuous, yet I am well ; but till all graces be in, one woman, one woman shall not come into my grace. -^ Shakespeare. Odober Sixth Marriage is so unlike everything else. There is something even awful in the near- ness it brings. _ George Eliot. Odober Seventh There is scarcely a lawsuit unless a woman is the cause of it. —Juvenal. Odober Eighth Twentieth century progress — a mar- riage certificate with a divoftc coupon attached. This day, two years, I was married; * Whom the Lord loveth he cha^eneth.' — Byron. Odober Tenth Ship me somewheres ea^ of Suez, where the be^ is like the wor^. Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raise a thir^. — Kipling. Odober Eleventh Good wine I find a great ^engthener of the Bachelor heart. _ ike Marvel. Odober Twelfth Of all the actions of a man's life his marriage doth lea^ concern other people; yet of all adlions of our life it is mo^ meddled with by other people. — Selden. " O woman ! in our hours of ease, Uncertain, coy, and hard to please.'* — Scott. Odober Fifteenth * Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We fir^ endure, then pity, then embrace.'* — Pope. October Sixteenth We are beguiled by woman, fooled by woman, led on, put off, tantalized by woman, fretted and bullied by her. — Henry Harland. Odtober Eighteenth What is a fir^ love worth, except to prepare for a second ? _ John Hay. Ocftober Nineteenth What does the second love bring? Only regret for the fir^. —John Hay. I Odober Twentieth A wedding is a licensed subjedl to joke upon, but there is really no great joke in the matter, after all. _ Dickens. waves, Should never hazard what he fears to lose.** Odober Twenty-third Frailty, thy name is woman ! — Shakespeare, Odober Twenty-fourth To think of all the wrong, and wretch- edness, that one foolish baby face can cause ! — Robert Grant. Od:ober Twenty-seventh You can tru^ a woman's ta^e on every- thing except men. _g. H. Lorimer. Odlober Twenty-eighth I cannot fitKer compare marriage than to a lottery. —Boyle. Odober Twenty-ninth Woman has always managed to make man provide for her ; ^ ^ >K under the pretext of giving him the upper hand, she has left him all the anxiety and responsibility. — John Davidson. Oaober Thirtieth Don't tell me about God having made such creatures to be companions for us ! I don't say but He might make Eve to be a companion for Adam in Paradise — there was no cooking to be spoilt there, and no other women to cackle with and make mis- chief ; though you see what mischief she did as soon as she'd an opportunity. — George Eliot. Odtober Thirty-fir^ " MARRIED ! " He topped short, smiled dully, and added in a low, vindictive tone, *'It serves him right ! " Dickens. November Fifth BeHeve a woman, or an epitaph, Or any other thing that's false. — Byron. November Sixth "Jimmie, dey t^ll me you is a woman hater.'* " Naw, I ain*t. I despise de so-called fair sex too much even to hate 'em.** — The Examiner. November Seventh They that marry ancient people merely to bury them hang themselves in the hope that some one will come and cut them down. — Thomas Fuller. November Eighth Love! Fanta^c power ! Prjor. " — it*ll be a werry agonizin' trial to see you married, Sammy, to see you a deluded widtim." —Dickens. November Eleventh There's small choice in rotten apples ! — Shakespeare. November Twelfth IVe seen your ^ormy seas and ^ormy women. And pity lovers rather more than seamen. — Byron. November Fourteenth A bachelor May thrive by observation on a little, A single life's no burthen. — John Ford. November Fifteenth Man proposes and woman sues him for breach of promise. —John Eliot. November Sixteenth To remain a w^oman's ideal, a man mu^ die a bachelor. —Smart Set. November Nineteenth She has a tongue with a tang. — Shakespeare. November Tw^entieth O woman, — what di^ra(5tion was meant mankind when thou wa^ made a devil ! — Beaumont and Fletcher. ^'V^ November Twenty-fir^ My lord, I hope you are pepper-proof. — Swift. November Tw^enty-second Say, Fm tinkin* women allers does a ting 'cause dey don't wanter ; or mebbe dey don't wanter 'cause dey can. Dere curves is too much for a farmer like me. — Edward Townsend. November Twenty-third "Jack wants a quiet wedding." "•Let him have it. It's the la^ quiet day he'll ever have." _ Examiner. November Twenty-fourth Edith — The man I marry mu^ be bold and fearless. Ethel — Yes, dear, he mu^. _ Puck. November Twenty-fifth Two women placed together make cold weather. —Shakespeare. November Twenty-sixth "She was a woman, — therefore she was jealous." November Twenty-seventh Woman Away, away ! — youVe all the same, A flattering, smiling, jilting throng. — Moore. November Twenty-eighth He Knew St. Peter (to fir^ applicant) — Were you married while on earth ? F. A. — I was ; twice. St. Peter — Walk in — you deserve it. (To second applicant) — And you ? S. A. — Single all my life, your Holiness. St. Peter — Then youVe had your good time. What the devil do you want here ? (Slams the door viciously.) jhe Wasp. November Twenty-ninth They (the men) know they are only human, after all ; they know what gins and pitfalls lie about their feet, and how the shadow of matrimony waits resolute and awful at the cross-roads. They would wish to keep their liberty, but that may not be . God's will be ddnCo —Stevenson. November Thirtieth If there's anything on God's earth troub- lesome to deal with at the breakfa^ table or on the witness-^and it's a woman. Troublesome ? Exasperating ? DeviL ish I — Mrs. Burton Harrison. I December Firit Pa, what IS a harem ? Well, sonny, it's a sort of department fireside. _ Chicago Record- Herald. December Second Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage. „ Shakespeare. December Third Love — a Highland plaid — All ^uff ;. and very often full of crosses. — Praed. December Fourth — debt leads man to wed. And marriage leads to debt. — Kipling. December Fifth Who to a woman tru^s his peace of mind, Tru^s a frail bark to a tempe^uous wind. — Granville. December Sixth Think you, if Laura had been Petrarch's wife, He would have written sonnets all his life? — Byron. December Seventh Never thread was spun so fine, Never spider Wretched the Kne, Would not hold the lovers true That would really swing for you. — Holmes. December Eighth Marriage is a ^ep so grave and decisive that it attracts light-headed, variable men by its very awfulness. »_r. l. Stevenson. " He who marries a wife and he who goes to the war mu^ necessarily take the consequences." December Eleventh Marriage is a fea^ where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. — Colton. December Twelfth "Thou do^ look the very Prie^ of Hjnnen ! *' In short, I may be called so, for I deal in repentance and mortification. Sheridan. Marriage is the point on which we mu^ make a ^and. _ Anthony Hope. December Sixteenth A ribbon bright or dull, which I can skein About my fingers, or a flower of spring Which ^ales at noon of plucking in the morn, For they are solid things compared with faith In woman. —Lew Wallace. What is a Sage, Papa ? A Sage, my son, is a man who never marries. — Exchange. December Twentieth Dick— He married, did he? Well, some fellows don't know when they Ve well off. Jack — Well, in this case he knew the girl was well off. puj.[^ "Two things women are supposed to jump at — a mouse, and an offer of marriage." December Twenty-second **Ye can hae little rael pleasure in a merrige/* explained the grave-digger, in whom, perhaps, the serious side had been abnormally developed, "for ye never ken hoo it will turn out ; but there's nae risk in a burial." _ lan MacLaren. December Twenty-third Thus grief ^11 treads upon the 'heels of pleasure ; Married in ha^e, we may repent at leisure. — Congreve. December Twenty-fourth My God ! I have fallen in love ! — E. F. Benson. An Old Bachelor Chri^mas Eve 'Twas raw, and chill, and cold outside, With a boi^erous wind untamed. But I was sitting snug within. Where my good log-fire flamed. As my clock ticked, My cat purred, And my kettle sang. I read me a tale of war and love. Brave knights and their ladies fair ; And I brewed a brew of ^ff hot-scotch To drive away dull care. As my clock ticked, My cat purred, And my kettle sang. At la^ the candles sputtered out, But the embers ^11 were bright. When I turned my tumbler upside down. An' bade m*self g*night ! As th' ketl t-hic-ked, The clock purred, And the cat (hie) sang ! — Tudor Jenks. December Twenty-seventh Paint that figure*s pKant grace, As she toward me leaned her face, Half refused and half resigned, Murmuring, " Art thou ^ill unkind? ** Many a broken promise then Was new made — to break again. — Matthew Arnold. December Twenty-eighth Tru^ not a woman, even when she is dead. — Buckley. December Thirtieth If you tru^ a man, let him be a bachelor, let him be a bachelor. —George Eliot. December Thirty-fir^ When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. -She The Tomoye Press San Francisco, Cal. ■PFW^PPPW^