UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 AT LOS ANGELES

 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN
 
 GENERAL 
 JOHN REGAN 
 
 BY 
 
 GEORGE A. BIRMINGHAM 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 "SPANISH- GOLD," "THB SEARCH PARTY," "LALAGK'S LOVERS," ETC. 
 
 C.? i $,eul o ~s Ow^o H :'" 
 
 HODDER AND STOUGHTON 
 
 LONDON NEW YORK TORONTO
 
 To 
 CHARLES H. HAWTREY 
 
 who has allowed me to offer this Story to 
 him in memory of times that were very 
 pleasant to me. 
 
 July, 1913.
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 Co 
 
 <vj THE Irish police barrack is invariably clean, occa- 
 sionally picturesque, but it is never comfortable. 
 The living-room, in which the men spend their 
 spare time, is furnished with rigid simplicity. There 
 is a table, sometimes two tables, but they have 
 iron legs. There are benches to sit on, very narrow, 
 
 " and these also have iron legs. Iron is, of course, 
 harder than wood. Men who are forced to look 
 
 A\at it and rub their legs against it at meal times 
 are likely to obtain a stern, martial spirit. Wood, 
 even oak, might in the long run have an enervating 
 effect on their minds. The Government knows this, 
 and if it were possible to have tables and benches 
 with iron tops as well as iron legs police barracks 
 * in Ireland would be furnished with them. On 
 
 w-, the walls of the living-room are stands for arms. 
 Here are ranged the short carbines with which, 
 in. extreme emergencies, the police shoot at the 
 other inhabitants of Ireland. The sight of these 
 weapons serves to remind the men that they form 
 a military force. Near the carbines hang a few 
 pairs of handcuffs, unobtrusively, because no one 
 wants to emphasise the fact that the police in 
 Ireland have to deal with ordinary wrong doers 
 
 5
 
 6 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 as well as with turbulent mobs. Ornament of 
 every kind is rigorously excluded from these rooms. 
 It is all very well to aim at the development of 
 the aesthetic faculty for children by putting pictures 
 and scraggy geraniums in pots into schoolrooms. 
 No one wants a policeman to be artistic. But the 
 love of the beautiful breaks out occasionally, even 
 in policemen who live hi barracks. Constable 
 Moriarty, for instance, had a passion for music. 
 He whistled better than any man in Ballymoy, and 
 spent much of his leisure in working up thrilling 
 variations of popular tunes. 
 
 Being confined by the call of duty to the living- 
 room of the barrack in Ballymoy for a whole morn- 
 ing, he had accomplished a series of runs and trills 
 through which the ah* of " The Minstrel Boy " 
 seemed to struggle for expression. His attention 
 was fixed on this composition, and not at all on 
 the newspaper which lay across his knees. 
 
 At twelve o'clock he rose from the bench on 
 which he was sitting and allowed the newspaper 
 to fall in a crumpled heap on the floor at his feet. 
 He stretched himself and yawned. Then he glanced 
 round the barrack-room with an air of weariness. 
 Sergeant Colgan, his tunic unbuttoned, his grey 
 flannel shirt open at the neck, dozed uncomfortably 
 in a corner. Moriarty looked at him enviously. 
 The sergeant was much the older man of the two, 
 and was besides of portly figure. Sleep came 
 easily to him under the most unpromising
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 7 
 
 circumstances. Moriarty was not more than twenty- 
 four years of age. He was mentally and physically 
 an active man. Before he went to work on " The 
 Minstrel Boy " he had wooed sleep in vain. Even 
 a three days' old copy of the Weekly Freeman had 
 brought him no more than a series of stupefying 
 yawns. If a man cannot go to sleep over a back 
 number of a weekly paper there is no use his trying 
 to go to sleep at all. He may as well whistle tunes. 
 Moriarty left the living-room in which the ser- 
 geant slept and went out to the door of the barrack. 
 He stared across the market square. The sun shone 
 pitilessly. Except for a fat white dog, which lay 
 asleep in the gutter opposite the shop of Kerrigan, 
 the butcher, no living thing was to be seen. Hot 
 days are so rare in west of Ireland towns that the 
 people succumb to them at once. Business, unless 
 it happens to be market day, absolutely ceases in a 
 town like Ballymoy when the thermometer registers 
 anything over eighty degrees. Moriarty stretched 
 himself again and yawned. He looked at the 
 illustrated poster which hung on a board beside 
 the barrack door. It proclaimed the attractiveness 
 of service in the British army. It moved him 
 to no interest, because he had seen it every day 
 since he first came to Ballymoy. The gaudy 
 uniforms depicted on it excited no envy in his mind. 
 His own uniform was of sober colouring, but it 
 taught him all he wanted to know about the dis- 
 comfort of such clothes in hot weather. His eyes
 
 8 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 wandered from the poster and remained fixed for 
 some time on the front of the office of the Connacht 
 Advocate. The door was shut and the window 
 blind was pulled down. An imaginative man 
 might have pictured Mr. Thaddeus Gallagher, 
 the editor, penning ferocious attacks upon land- 
 lords at his desk inside, or demonstrating, in spite 
 of the high temperature, the desperate wickedness 
 of all critics of the Irish Party. But Moriarty was 
 by temperament a realist. He suspected that 
 Thaddeus Gallagher, divested of his coat and waist- 
 coat, was asleep, with his feet on the office table. 
 
 Next to the newspaper office was the Imperial 
 Hotel, owned and managed by Mr. Doyle. Its 
 door was open, so that any one with sufficient energy 
 for such activity might go in and get a drink at the 
 bar. Moriarty gazed at the front of the hotel for 
 a long time, so long that the glare of light reflected 
 from its whitewashed walls brought water to his 
 eyes. Then he turned and looked into the barrack 
 again. Beside him, just outside the door of the 
 living-room, hung a small framed notice, which 
 stated that Constable Moriarty was on guard. He 
 looked at it. Then he peeped into the living-room 
 and satisfied himself that the sergeant was still 
 sound asleep. It was exceedingly unlikely that 
 Mr. Gregg, the District Inspector of the Police, 
 would visit the barrack on such a very hot day. 
 Moriarty buttoned his tunic, put his forage cap on 
 his head, and stepped out of the barrack.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 9 
 
 He crossed the square towards Doyle's Hotel. 
 A hostile critic of the Royal Irish Constabulary 
 and there are such critics even of this excellent body 
 of men might have suspected Moriarty of adventur- 
 ing in search of a drink. The great heat of the day 
 and the extreme dulness of keeping guard over a 
 barrack which no one ever attacks might have 
 excused a longing for bottled porter. It would have 
 been unfair to blame Moriarty if he had entered 
 the bar of the hotel and wakened Mr. Doyle. But 
 he did no more than glance through the open door. 
 He satisfied himself that Mr. Doyle, like the sergeant 
 and Mr. Thaddeus Gallagher, was sound asleep. 
 Then he passed on and turned down a narrow 
 laneway at the side of the hotel. 
 
 This led him into the yard at the back of the 
 hotel. A man of delicate sensibilities would have 
 shrunk from entering Mr. Doyle's yard on a hot 
 day. It was exceedingly dirty, and there were a 
 great many decaying things all over it, besides a 
 manure heap in one corner and a pig-stye in another. 
 But Constable Moriarty had no objection to bad 
 smells. He sat down on the low wall of the pig- 
 stye and whistled " Kathleen Mavourneen." He 
 worked through the tune twice creditably, but 
 without attempting variations. He was just be- 
 ginning it a third time when a door at the back of 
 the hotel opened and a girl came out. Moriarty 
 stopped whistling and grinned at her amiably. 
 
 She was a very pretty girl, but she was nearly as
 
 10 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 dirty as the yard. Her short skirt was spotted and 
 stained from waist-band to the ragged fringe where 
 there had once been a hem. Her boots were caked 
 with dry mud. They were several sizes too large 
 for her and seemed likely to fall off when she lifted 
 her feet from the ground. A pink cotton blouse 
 was untidily fastened at her neck with a brass safety 
 pin. Her hair hung in a thick pig-tail down her 
 back. In the higher ranks of society in Connacht, 
 as elsewhere, girls are generally anxious to pose as 
 young women at the earliest possible moment. 
 They roll up their hair and fasten it with hairpins 
 as soon as their mothers allow them. But girls of 
 the peasant class hi the west of Ireland put off the 
 advance of womanhood as long as they can. Wiser 
 than their more fashionable sisters, they dread the 
 cares and responsibilities of adult life. Up to the 
 age of twenty, twenty-one, or twenty -two, they still 
 wear their hair in pigtails and keep their skirts 
 above their ankles. 
 
 " Is that you, Mary Ellen ? " said Constable 
 Moriarty. 
 
 The girl stood still. She was carrying a bucket 
 full of a thick yellow liquid in her right hand. She 
 allowed it to rest against her leg. A small portion 
 of its contents slopped over and still further stained 
 her skirt. She looked at Constable Moriarty out 
 of the corners of her eyes for a moment. Then she 
 went on again towards the pig-stye. She had large 
 brown eyes with thick lashes. Her hair was still
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 11 
 
 in a pig-tail, and her skirt was far from covering the 
 tops of her boots ; but she had a precocious under- 
 standing of the art of looking at a man out of the 
 corners of her eyes. Moriarty was agreeably thrilled 
 by her glance. 
 
 " Is it the pig you're going to feed ? " he asked. 
 
 " It is," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 A very chivalrous man, or one trained in the 
 conventions of what is called polite society, might 
 have left his seat on the wall and helped the girl to 
 carry the bucket across the yard. Moriarty did 
 neither the one nor the other. Mary Ellen did not 
 expect that he would. It was her business and not 
 his to feed the pigs. Besides, the bucket was very 
 full. That its contents should stain her dress did 
 not matter. It would have been a much more 
 serious thing if any of the yellow slop had trickled 
 down Constable Moriarty's beautiful trousers. 
 
 She reached the pig-stye, lifted the bucket, and 
 tipped the contents into a wooden trough. Con- 
 stable Moriarty, still seated on the wall, watched her 
 admiringly. Her sleeves were rolled up above the 
 elbows. She had very well-shaped, plump, brown arms. 
 
 " There's many a man," he said, " might be glad 
 enough to be that pig." 
 
 Mary Ellen looked up at him with an air of inno- 
 cent astonishment. 
 
 " Why would he then ? " she said. 
 
 " The way he'd have you bringing his dinner to 
 him," said Moriarty.
 
 12 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 This compliment must have been very gratifying 
 to Mary Ellen, but she made no reply to it. She 
 set down the empty bucket on the ground and 
 rubbed her hands slowly on the sides of her skirt. 
 Moriarty probably felt that he had done as much as 
 could be expected of him in the way of pretty 
 speeches. He whistled " Kathleen Mavourneen " 
 through once while Mary Ellen wiped her hands 
 dry. She picked up her bucket again and turned 
 to go away. 
 
 " Tell me this now," said Moriarty. " Did ever 
 you have your fortune told ? " 
 
 " I did not," she said. 
 
 " It's what I'm good at," said Moriarty, ** is telling 
 fortunes. There was an aunt of mine one tune that 
 was terrible skilful at it. It was her taught me." 
 
 " It's a pity she had no more sense." 
 
 " If you was to sit up on the wall beside me," 
 said Moriarty, " and if you was to lend me the loan 
 of your hand for one minute " 
 
 " Get out," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " You'd be surprised, so you would," said 
 Moriarty, " at the things I'd tell you." 
 
 " I might." 
 
 " You would." 
 
 " But I won't be," said Mary Ellen, " for I've 
 more to do than to be listening to you." 
 
 " Where's the hurry ? " said Moriarty. " Sure 
 the day's long." 
 
 The affair might have ended in a manner pleasant
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 13 
 
 to Moriarty and interesting to the pig. The attrac- 
 tion of the occult would in all probability have over- 
 come Mary Ellen's maidenly suspicions. She might 
 not have sat upon the wall. She would have almost 
 certainly have yielded her sticky hand if a sudden 
 sound had not startled Moriarty. A motor-car 
 hooted at the far end of the village street. Moriarty 
 jumped off the wall. 
 
 " There's one of them motor cars," he said, 
 " and the fellow that's in her will be stopping at 
 the barrack for to ask his way to somewhere. It's 
 a curious thing, so it is, that them motor drivers 
 never knows the way to the place they're going to, 
 and it's always the police they ask, as if the police 
 had nothing to do but to attend to them. I'll have 
 to be off." 
 
 He left the yard, hurried down the narrow lane, 
 and crossed the road to the barrack. Just as he 
 reached it the car, a large, opulent-looking vehicle, 
 stopped outside Doyle's Hotel. Moriarty went into 
 the barrack and wakened the sergeant. He had a 
 keen sense of his duty towards his superior officer. 
 It would not have been kind or right to allow the 
 sergeant to sleep through an event so unusual as 
 the stopping of a handsome motor outside the door 
 of the Imperial Hotel. 
 
 The car was a large one, but it carried only a 
 single traveller. He was a lean, sharp-faced 
 man, clean shaven, with very piercing hard grey 
 eyes. He blew three blasts on the horn of his
 
 14 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 motor. Then Mr. Doyle came out of the door. He 
 blinked irritably at the stranger. The strong 
 sunlight affected his eyes, and the rude way in 
 which he had been awakened from his sleep overcame 
 for a moment the natural instinct of the hotel 
 keeper. All hotel keepers are civil to possible 
 guests. Otherwise they would not succeed in their 
 business. Mr. Doyle knew this, but he scarcely 
 realised at first that the gentleman in the motor-car 
 might be a guest. His was not a tourist's hotel 
 and he had been very sound asleep. 
 
 " Say," said the stranger, "are you the proprietor? " 
 
 " I am," said Doyle. 
 
 " Can I register ? " said the motorist. 
 
 The word was strange to Doyle. Guests at his 
 hotel were very few. A commercial traveller 
 stopped a night with him occasionally, trying to 
 push the sale of drapery goods or boots in Ballymoy. 
 An official of a minor kind, an instructor in agricul- 
 ture, or a young lady sent out to better the lot of 
 domestic fowls, was stranded now and then in 
 Ballymoy and therefore obliged to spend the night 
 in Doyle's hotel. But such chance strangers merely 
 asked for rooms and food. They did not want to 
 " register." 
 
 " Can you what ? " said Doyle. 
 
 ** Register," said the stranger. 
 
 " I don't know can you," said Doyle. " This 
 is a backward place, but you might try them at the 
 police barrack. The sergeant's an obliging man,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 15 
 
 and if the thing can be done I wouldn't doubt but 
 he'd do it for you." 
 
 " You don't kind of catch on to my meaning," 
 said the stranger. " What I want is to stop a day 
 or two in your hotel." 
 
 Doyle suddenly realised the possibilities of the 
 situation. 
 
 " You can do that of course," he said, " and 
 welcome. I'd be glad if we had a gentleman like 
 yourself every day of the week." 
 
 He turned as he spoke and shouted for Mary Ellen. 
 
 " Business pretty stagnant ? " said the stranger. 
 
 " You may say that. Mary Ellen, Mary Ellen ! 
 Come here, I say." 
 
 The stranger got out of his car. He looked up 
 and down the empty street. 
 
 " Guess," he said, " since I travelled in this 
 slumbrous old country of yours I've seen considerable 
 stagnation, but this licks the worst I've struck yet. 
 Your town pretty well fathoms the depths. Are 
 the folks here alive at all ? " 
 
 " They are, of course." 
 
 Doyle looked round him as he spoke. He saw a 
 good deal that the stranger missed. Sergeant 
 Colgan and Constable Moriarty standing well back 
 inside the barrack door, were visible, dim figures in 
 the shadow, keenly alert, surveying the stranger. 
 Young Kerrigan, the butcher's son, crouched, half 
 concealed, behind the body of a dead sheep which 
 hung from a hook outside the door of his father's
 
 16 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 shop. He too was watching. One side of the 
 window blind of the Connacht Eagle office was 
 pulled aside. Thaddeus Gallagher was without 
 doubt peering at the motor car through a corner of 
 the window. Three small boys were lurking among 
 the packing cases which stood outside a shop further 
 down the street. Doyle felt justified in repeating 
 his statement that many of the inhabitants of 
 Ballymoy were alive. 
 
 " There is," he said, " many a one that's alive 
 enough, though I don't say but that business might 
 be brighter. Mary Ellen, I say, come here." 
 
 Mary Ellen appeared at the door of the hotel. 
 She had improved her appearance slightly by putting 
 on an apron. But she had not found time to wash 
 her face. This was not her fault. Washing is a 
 serious business. In Mary Ellen's case it would 
 have taken a long time if it were to be in the least 
 effective. Doyle's call was urgent. 
 
 " Why didn't you come when you heard me 
 calling you ? " he said. 
 
 Mary Ellen looked at him with a gentle tolerant 
 smile. She belonged to a race which had dis- 
 covered the folly of being in a hurry about anything. 
 She knew that Doyle was not really in a hurry, 
 though he pretended to be. 
 
 " Amn't I coming ? " she said. 
 
 Then she looked at the stranger. He, being a 
 stranger and apparently a man of some other nation, 
 might perhaps really be in a hurry. Such people
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 17 
 
 sometimes are. But his eccentricities in no way 
 mattered to Mary Ellen. The wisdom of the ages 
 was hers. The Irish have it. So have Eastern 
 peoples. They will survive when the fussy races 
 have worn themselves out. She gave the stranger 
 one glance of half contemptuous pity and then 
 looked at the motor-car. 
 
 " Now that you are here," said Doyle severely, 
 " will you make yourself useful ? " 
 
 Mary Ellen stared at the motor-car. Her beauti- 
 ful brown eyes opened very wide. Her mouth 
 opened slightly and expanded in a smile. A long 
 line of the black transferred from the kitchen kettle 
 to her cheek reached from her ear to the point of her 
 chin. It was broken as her smile broadened, and 
 finally part of it was lost in the hollow of a dimple 
 which appeared. Mary Ellen had never before seen 
 so splendid a motor. 
 
 " Will you stop grinning," said Doyle, " and take 
 the gentleman's things into the house ? " 
 
 " My name," said the stranger, " Is Billing, 
 Horace P. Billing." 
 
 " Do you hear that now ? " said Doyle to Mary 
 Ellen. 
 
 She approached the motor-car cautiously, still 
 smiling. Mr. Billing handed out two bags and then 
 a photographic camera with tripod legs, strapped 
 together. Doyle took one of the bags. Mary Ellen 
 took the other. Mr. Billing himself carried the 
 
 camera. 
 
 B
 
 18 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " It occurs to me," said Mr. Billing, " that this 
 town kind of cries out to be wakened up a bit." 
 
 " I wouldn't say," said Doyle, " but it might 
 be the better of it." 
 
 Mary Ellen turned round and looked at Mr. 
 Billing. She felt that he was likely, if he were really 
 bent on waking up the town, to begin with her. It 
 did not please her to be wakened up. She looked at 
 Mr. Billing anxiously. She wanted to know whether 
 he were the kind of man who would be able to rouse 
 her to unusual activity. 
 
 " Where I come from," said Mr. Billing, " I'm 
 reckoned to hustle quite considerable. I'd rather 
 like to try if I could get a move on your folks." 
 
 "You can try," said Doyle. "I'd be glad if 
 you'd try, for the place wants it." 
 
 No harm could possibly come of the effort ; and 
 it was likely to occupy Mr. Billing for several days. 
 The prospect was gratifying to Doyle. A guest 
 who travelled in a very large motor-car might 
 be made to pay heavily for his rooms and his meals. 
 
 Five small boys came out of different houses up 
 and down the street. When Mr. Billing, Doyle and 
 Mary Ellen entered the hotel the boys drifted to- 
 gether towards the motor-car. They walked all 
 round it. They peered cautiously into it. The 
 boldest of them prodded the tyres with his fingers. 
 The window of the office of the Connacht Eagle 
 was opened, and Mr. Thaddeus Gallagher looked out. 
 Young Kerrigan emerged from the shelter of the body
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 19 
 
 of the dead sheep and stood outside the shop. His 
 father joined him. Both of them stared at the 
 motor-car. Sergeant Colgan, followed by Constable 
 Moriarty, stepped out of the police barrack and 
 stalked majestically across the street. The sergeant 
 frowned heavily at the small boys. 
 
 " Be off out of that, every one of yez," he said. 
 
 The small boys retreated at once. The law, 
 in spite of all that is said to the contrary, is greatly 
 respected in the west of Ireland. Sergeant Colgan 
 would have made it respected anywhere. His 
 appearance was far more impressive than that of any 
 judge in his robes of office. Constable Moriarty, 
 who was more than six feet high, was impressive too. 
 
 " That's a fine car," said the sergeant. 
 
 "It is," said Moriarty, " as fine a one as ever I 
 seen." 
 
 " The man that owns it will be a high up man," 
 said the sergeant. 
 
 " He will," said Moriarty. 
 
 The sergeant looked into the car. He gazed at 
 the steering-wheel with interest. He glanced in 
 telligently at the levers. His eyes rested finally 
 on a speedometer. 
 
 " The like of that," he said, pointing it out to 
 Moriarty, " is what I never seen before." 
 
 " I've heard of them," said Moriarty. 
 
 " There's a clock along with it," said the sergeant, 
 
 " The man that owns it," said Moriarty, " must 
 have a power of money."
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 DOYLE came out of the hotel. He joined the ser- 
 geant and Moriarty at the motor-car. 
 
 " Good-morning, sergeant," he said. " It's a 
 fine day, thanks be to God. The people will only 
 have themselves to thank if they don't get their hay 
 saved this weather." 
 
 " What I'm after saying to Constable Moriarty," 
 said the sergeant, " is that that's a fine car." 
 
 " You may say that," said Doyle. 
 
 " It'll be some high up gentleman that owns it," 
 said the sergeant. 
 
 He paused. It was plainly the duty of Doyle 
 to give some information about his guest. But 
 Doyle remained silent. 
 
 " He'll have a power of money, whoever he is," 
 said Moriarty. 
 
 He and the sergeant looked at Doyle and waited. 
 Doyle still remained silent. The door of the office 
 of the Connacht Eagle opened and Thaddeus 
 Gallagher shambled along the street. He was a 
 tall, grizzled man, exceedingly lean and ill-shaven. 
 His clothes, which were shabby, hung round him 
 in desponding folds. His appearance would have 
 
 20
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 21 
 
 led a stranger to suppose that the Connacht Eagle 
 was not a paying property. He greeted Sergeant 
 Colgan and Moriarty with friendly warmth. When 
 he had nothing else to write leading articles about 
 he usually denounced the police, accusing them of 
 various crimes, from the simple swearing away of 
 the liberties of innocent men to the debauching 
 of the morals of the young women of Ballymoy. 
 But this civic zeal did not prevent his being on 
 perfectly friendly terms with the members of the 
 force. Nor did his strong writing rouse any feeling 
 of resentment in the mind of the sergeant. He and 
 Moriarty welcomed the editor warmly and invited 
 him to inspect the car. 
 
 Thaddeus Gallagher looked at the car critically, 
 He rubbed his hand along the dusty mud guard, 
 opened and shut one of the doors, stroked the bulb 
 of the horn cautiously, and then turned to Doyle. 
 
 "Is it the Lord-Lieutenant you have within in 
 the hotel ? " he asked. 
 
 He spoke with a fine suggestion of scorn in his 
 voice. As a prominent local politician Thaddeus 
 Gallagher was obliged to be contemptuous of Lords- 
 Lieutenant. Doyle looked offended and at first 
 made no reply. Sergeant Colgan, acting as peace- 
 maker, spoke in a non-committal, but soothing 
 tone. 
 
 " It might be," he said, " it very well might be." 
 
 " It is not, then," said Doyle. " Nor it's not the 
 Chief Secretary."
 
 22 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " If it's not," said Gallagher, " it's some other of 
 them fellows out of Dublin Castle." 
 
 "It's a high up gentleman, surely," said Ser- 
 geant Colgan. 
 
 " And one that has money to spare," added 
 Constable Moriarty. " It could be that he's one 
 of the bosses of the Congested Districts Board. 
 Them ones is well paid and has motors kept for 
 them along with their salaries, so they tell me, any 
 way." 
 
 Then Mary Ellen came out of the hotel. She 
 stood at a little distance and smiled pleasantly at 
 Constable Moriarty. Doyle turned on her. 
 
 " What is it that you want now, Mary Ellen ? " 
 he said. " Why aren't you within attending on 
 the gentleman ? " 
 
 " Sure I am," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " You are not," said Doyle. " Don't I see you 
 standing there grinning at Constable Moriarty ? " 
 
 " He's after asking for his dinner," said Mary 
 Ellen. 
 
 She referred of course to Mr. Billing. The sug- 
 gestion that she was grinning at Moriarty was un- 
 worthy of her notice. 
 
 " And if he is," said Doyle, " why don't you give 
 it to him ? " 
 
 " What'll I give him ? " 
 
 " Give him chops," said Doyle. " And if there's 
 no chops in the house and there may not be run 
 across to Kerrigan the butcher and ask him for a
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 23 
 
 couple. It'll be quicker than killing a chicken ; 
 but that's what you'll have to do in the latter end 
 if Kerrigan has no chops." 
 
 " It was only this morning," said Sergeant Colgan 
 hopefully, " that Kerrigan killed a sheep." 
 
 Mary Ellen crossed the street towards Kerrigan's 
 shop. Constable Moriarty winked at her as she 
 passed. Mary Ellen was a good girl. She took no 
 notice of the wink. The sergeant, unfortunately, 
 did. 
 
 " Come along out of this, Constable Moriarty," 
 he said. " Have you no duties to perform that you 
 can afford to be standing there all day making faces 
 at Mary Ellen ? Come along now if you don't 
 want me to report you." 
 
 Sergeant Colgan, though Gallagher insinuated 
 evil things about him, was a man with a strict sense 
 of propriety. He must have wanted very much to 
 hear something more about Doyle's guest, but he 
 marched off up the street followed by Moriarty. 
 Doyle and Gallagher watched them until they were 
 out of sight. Then Gallagher spoke again. 
 
 " If he isn't the Lord-Lieutenant," he said, " and 
 if he isn't the Chief Secretary, will you tell me who 
 he is ? " 
 
 " It's my opinion," said Doyle, " that he's a 
 Yank." 
 
 44 1 don't know that I've much of an opinion of 
 Yanks," said Gallagher. " It's in my mind that 
 the country would be better if there was fewer of
 
 24 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 them came back to us. What I say is this : What 
 good are they ? What do they do, only upset the 
 minds of the people, teaching them to be disrespect- 
 ful to the clergy and to use language the like of 
 which decent people ought not to use ? " 
 
 " It's my opinion that he is a Yank, anyway,*' 
 said Doyle. 
 
 Mary Ellen returned from Kerrigan's shop. She 
 carried a small parcel, wrapped in newspaper. It 
 contained two chops for Mr. Billing's dinner. 
 
 " Mary Ellen," said Doyle, " is it your opinion 
 that the gentleman within is a Yank ? " 
 
 " He might be," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " Go you on in then," said Doyle, " and be cook- 
 ing them chops for him. Why would you keep 
 him waiting for his dinner and him maybe faint 
 with the hunger ? " 
 
 " And why would you say he was a Yank ? " 
 said Gallagher. 
 
 " Why would I say it ? You'd say it yourself, 
 Thady Gallagher, if so be you'd heard the way he 
 was talking. ' Is there a live man in the place at 
 all ? ' says he, meaning Ballymoy. ' It's waking 
 up you want,' says he." 
 
 " Did he ? The devil take him," said Gallagher. 
 
 " ' And I've a good mind to try and wake you 
 up myself,' said he. * I'm reckoned middling good 
 at waking people up where I come from,' says he." 
 
 " Let him try," said Gallagher. " Let him 
 try if it pleases him. We'll teach him."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 25 
 
 Gallagher spoke with an impressive display of 
 truculent self-confidence. He had at the moment 
 no doubt whatever that he could subdue Mr. Billing 
 or any other insolent American. His opportunity 
 came almost at once. Mr. Billing appeared at the 
 door of the hotel. He looked extraordinarily cool 
 and competent. He also looked rather severe. 
 His forehead was puckered to a frown. It seemed 
 that he was slightly annoyed about something. 
 Gallagher feared that his last remark might have 
 been overheard. He shrank back a little, putting 
 Doyle between him and Mr. Billing. 
 
 " Say," said Mr. Billing, " is there any way of 
 getting a move on that hired girl of yours ? It'll 
 be time for breakfast to-morrow morning before 
 she brings my lunch if someone doesn't hustle her 
 a bit." 
 
 "Mary Ellen," shouted Doyle. "Mary Ellen, 
 will you hurry up now and cook the gentleman's 
 dinner ? " Then he sank his voice. " She's frying 
 the chops this minute," he said. " If you was to 
 stand at the kitchen door you'd hear them in the 
 pan." 
 
 Thaddeus Gallagher, reassured and confident that 
 Mr. Billing had not overheard his threat, stepped 
 forward and stood bowing, his hat in his hands. 
 Wealthy Americans may be objectionable, but they 
 are rare in the west of Ireland. Gallagher felt that 
 he would like to know Mr. Billing. Doyle introduced 
 hun.
 
 26 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " This is Mr. Gallagher," he said. " Mr. Thaddeus 
 Gallagher, J.P." 
 
 Mr. Billing bowed courteously and shook hands 
 with Mr. Gallagher. 
 
 " Proud to meet you, sir," he said. " Proud to 
 meet any prominent citizen of this section." 
 
 "Mr. Thady Gallagher," said Doyle, "is the 
 proprietor of the Connacht Eagle, our principal 
 newspaper." 
 
 The Connacht Eagle was, in fact, the only 
 newspaper in Ballymoy. It was the only news- 
 paper published within a radius of forty miles from 
 Ballymoy. It could therefore be quite truthfully 
 called the principal one. Mr. Billing shook Thady 
 Gallagher's hand again. 
 
 " I'm a newspaper man myself," he said. " I 
 control two-thirds of the Press in the State where I 
 belong." 
 
 Thady Gallagher seemed greatly impressed by 
 this statement. Doyle felt more than ever that his 
 new guest was a man who ought to be treated with 
 all possible consideration. 
 
 " It could be," he said, " that them chops would 
 be ready for you now, and if you'd tell the girl what 
 it is you'd like to drink 
 
 " When I've finished my lunch," said Mr. Billing, 
 " I'd like to take a stroll round this section. There 
 are some things I want to see. Perhaps Mr. Gal- 
 lagher will come with me, if he can spare the time." 
 
 " Thady Gallagher will be pleased," said Doyle.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 27 
 
 " And as for sparing the time, he has plenty of that. 
 You'll go with the gentleman, won't you, Thady ? " 
 
 " I will, of course," said Gallagher. 
 
 " And there's no man knows the neighbourhood 
 better," said Doyle. " There isn't one in it, man, 
 woman, or child, that he isn't acquainted with, and 
 anything there might be to tell about their fathers 
 or mothers before them, Thady Gallagher is well fit 
 to tell it to you." 
 
 " What I'd like to be shown first," said Mr. Bil- 
 ling, " is the statue to the memory of General John 
 Regan." 
 
 Doyle looked at Gallagher doubtfully. Gallagher 
 edged away a little. He seemed inclined to take 
 shelter again behind Doyle. 
 
 " The statue ? " said Doyle. 
 
 " Statue or other memorial," said Mr. Billing. 
 
 " With regard to the statue " said Doyle 
 
 slowly. 
 
 Then he turned round and caught Gallagher by 
 the arm. 
 
 " Speak up, Thady Gallagher," he said, " and tell 
 the gentleman about the statue." 
 
 " With reference to the statue " said Gal- 
 lagher. 
 
 " Yes," said Mr. Billing encouragingly, " the 
 statue to General John Regan." 
 
 " With reference to the statue of the deceased 
 General," said Gallagher. 
 
 " What he's wanting to say," said Doyle, " is
 
 28 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 that at the present time there's no statue to the 
 General, not in Ballymoy, anyway." 
 
 " You surprise me some," said Mr. Billing. 
 
 " It's what there ought to be," said Doyle, " and 
 that's a fact." 
 
 " Is Ballymoy such a nursery of heroes," said 
 Mr. Billing, " that you can afford to neglect the 
 memory of the great General, the patriot statesman, 
 the deliverer of Bolivia ? " 
 
 " Speak up, Thady," said Doyle, " and tell the 
 gentleman why there's no statue to the General in 
 Ballymoy." 
 
 Gallagher cleared his throat and began to speak. 
 At first his words came to him slowly ; but as he 
 warmed to his subject he became fluent and even 
 eloquent. 
 
 " It's on account of the way we find ourselves 
 situated in this country at the present time," he 
 said. " It's not the hearts of the people that's at 
 fault. There isn't one, not the poorest man among 
 us, that wouldn't be willing to do honour to the 
 memory of the great men of the past that died on 
 the scaffold in defence of the liberty of the people. 
 It's the cursed system of Castle Government and the 
 tyranny of the landlords, and the way the people 
 is driven off their farms by the rack-renting flunkeys 
 of the rent office. How is the country to prosper, 
 and how is statues to be erected to them that deserve 
 statues, so long as the people isn't able to call their 
 souls their own ? But, glory be to God, it won't
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 29 
 
 be so for long! We have Home Rule as good as 
 got, and when we have it " 
 
 Gallagher might have gone on speaking for a 
 long time. He was a man of tried and practised 
 eloquence. He had arrived without much effort at 
 his favourite subject. Fragments of old speeches, 
 glowing periods, oft-repeated perorations thronged 
 confusedly on his memory. Mr. Billing seemed to 
 be listening with sympathy and admiration. It 
 might be a long time before such a favourable oppor- 
 tunity for making a speech came to Gallagher again. 
 Unfortunately he was interrupted. Mary Ellen 
 had come, unperceived, out of the hotel. She was 
 at Mr. Billing's elbow just when Gallagher reached 
 his prophecy about Home Rule. She spoke with- 
 out the slightest regard for the orator's feelings. 
 
 " The chops is fried," she said. 
 
 Doyle had often heard his friend make speeches 
 before. He had no wish to be subjected to un- 
 necessary oratory on a very hot day. He supported 
 Mary Ellen's appeal. 
 
 " It would be as well for you," he said, " to go 
 and eat them, the way they won't be getting cold 
 on you." 
 
 Mr. Billing saw the wisdom of this advice at once. 
 He turned to go into the hotel. But he evidently 
 wanted to hear more of Thady Gallagher's speech. 
 
 " When I've finished my lunch," he said, " I 
 shall look forward to a long talk with Mr. Gallagher. 
 I want to gather together all the local traditions
 
 30 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 which survive about the boyhood of the great 
 General. I'm writing his biography, gentlemen. I 
 need say no more." 
 
 " Mary Ellen," said Doyle, " whatever the gentle- 
 man fancies in the way of a drink, will you see that 
 he gets it ? " 
 
 Mary Ellen, smiling pleasantly, walked in front 
 of Mr. Billing and conducted him to the small, ill- 
 lighted room which Doyle called the Commercial 
 Room of his hotel. There, on a very dirty table 
 cloth, were a knife and fork, a plate which held two 
 chops with a quantity of grease round them, and a 
 dish with five pallid potatoes in it. The meal was 
 not appetising. On a very hot day it was almost 
 repulsive. But Mr. Billing was either really hungry 
 or he was a man of unusual determination. He sat 
 down to his chops with a smile. 
 
 " I guess," he said, " that whisky is the drink 
 you're most likely to have in this hotel ? " 
 
 " There's porter," said Mary Ellen, " and there's 
 minerals, and there's ginger cordial." 
 
 " If I'm here for a week," said Mr. Billing, " I'll 
 put you wise in the matter of making cocktails. 
 A Saratoga cocktail is a drink " 
 
 '* Is it whisky I'll bring you now ? " said Mary 
 Ellen. 
 
 She was a girl of sense and wisdom. She was 
 no more inclined to listen to Mr. Billing's panegyric 
 of the Saratoga cocktail than to Thady Gallagher's 
 patriotic denunciation of the flunkeys of the rent
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 31 
 
 office. Without waiting for an answer she went 
 away and brought Mr. Billing the usual quantity 
 of Irish whisky in the bottom of a tumbler with a 
 bottle of soda water. 
 
 Doyle and Thady Gallagher, left alone in the street, 
 stared at each other in silence. It was Doyle who 
 spoke first : 
 
 " What you want, Thady," he said, " is a drop 
 of something to drink, to revive the courage in 
 you." 
 
 " What sort of a fellow is that at all ? " said 
 Thady hoarsely. 
 
 " A pint of porter, now," said Doyle, " or a drop 
 of spirits. You want it this minute, and you'll 
 want it more before you're through with the job 
 that you have on hand." 
 
 He led the way into the bar and provided Thady 
 with a satisfying draught. Thady emptied the 
 tumbler without drawing breath. Then he took his 
 pipe from his pocket and lit it. 
 
 " Mr. Doyle," he said, " you're a man I've a liking 
 for and always had. What's more, you're a man 
 I respect, and it isn't every one that I would say 
 that to." 
 
 " The same to you," said Doyle, " and may you 
 live long to en joy it. Will you have another drop ? " 
 
 " I don't mind if I do," said Thady. 
 
 Doyle filled up the empty tumbler. As he did 
 so Gallagher spoke with serious deliberation. 
 
 " Seeing that you're a man I've every confidence
 
 32 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 in I'd be glad if you'd tell me this. Who was 
 General John Regan ? For I never heard tell of 
 him." 
 
 " It'll be better for you, Thady, to know some- 
 thing about him be the same more or less, before 
 the gentleman within has finished his dinner. He'll 
 be asking questions of you the whole of the rest of 
 the day." 
 
 " Let him ask." 
 
 " And you'll have to be answering him, for he'll 
 not rest contented without you do." 
 
 *' There's no Regans here," said Gallagher, " and 
 what's more there never was." 
 
 " There's no statue, anyway," said Doyle, " nor 
 there won't be." 
 
 " I don't know that there'd be any harm in a 
 statue," said Gallagher. " What has me bothered 
 is who the General was." 
 
 " There'll be no statue," said Doyle. " It's all 
 very well to be talking, but the rates is too high 
 already without an extra penny in the pound for a 
 statue that nobody wants." 
 
 " I wouldn't be in favour of a statue myself," 
 said Gallagher, " unless, of course, the gentleman 
 was to pay for it himself, and he might." 
 
 " Of course if he was to pay for it, it would be 
 different. By the look of the motor-car he came 
 in I'd say he'd plenty of money." 
 
 The idea that Mr. Billing could pay for a statue 
 was a pleasant one, and it was always possible that
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 33 
 
 he might do so. He appeared to be very anxious 
 that there should be a statue. 
 
 " There's some men," said Doyle hopefully, " that 
 has no sense in the way they spend what money 
 they've got." 
 
 Mr. Gallagher admitted with a sigh that there are 
 such men. He himself had no money, or very 
 little. If, as he hoped, he succeeded in becoming 
 a Member of Parliament, he would have money, 
 large quantities of it, a full 400 a year. He would 
 have more sense than to spend any of it in erecting 
 statues. Doyle, on the other hand, had money, 
 He lent it freely, at a high rate of interest, to the 
 other inhabitants of Ballymoy. This was his idea 
 of the proper use of money. To spend it on works 
 of public utility or sentimental value, struck him 
 as very foolish. 
 
 " I'd be glad, all the same," said Gallagher, " if 
 I knew who the General was that he's talking about." 
 
 " It could be," said Doyle hopefully, " that he 
 was one of them ones that fought against the 
 Government at the time of Wolfe Tone." 
 
 " He might, of course. But the gentleman was 
 saying something about Bolivia." 
 
 " Where's that at all ? " said Doyle. 
 
 Thady Gallagher did not know. Editors of 
 newspapers are supposed to know everything and 
 have succeeded in impressing the public with the 
 idea that they do, but there are probably a few 
 
 things about which even the ablest editor has to 
 
 C
 
 34 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 refer to encyclopedias ; and Gallagher was not 
 by any means at the top of his profession. The 
 Connacht Eagle was indeed a paper which exer- 
 cised a very great influence on the minds of those 
 who read it, more influence, perhaps, than even 
 The Times has on its subscribers. For the readers 
 of Gallagher's leading articles and columns of news 
 were still in that primitive stage of culture in which 
 every statement made in print is accepted as cer- 
 tainly true, whereas the subscribers to The Times 
 have been educated into an unworthy kind of 
 scepticism. Also the readers of the Connacht 
 Eagle read little or nothing else, while those who 
 read The Times usually glance at one or two other 
 papers as well, and even waste their time and unsettle 
 their minds by dipping into books. Thus, in spite 
 of the fact that The Times appears every day, and 
 the Connacht Eagle only once a week, it is likely 
 that the Irish paper exercises more real influence 
 than the English one produces, that is to say, 
 more definite effect upon the opinions of men who 
 have votes. The editor of The Times would perhaps 
 scarcely recognize Thady Gallagher as a fellow 
 journalist. He may know would probably in any 
 case be ashamed to admit that he did not know 
 where Bolivia is. Thady Gallagher did not know, 
 and was prepared to confess his ignorance in private 
 to his friend. Yet Gallagher was in reality the more 
 important man of the two. 
 
 " I know as much about Bolivia," he said, " as
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 35 
 
 I do about the General, and that's nothing at 
 all." 
 
 " I'm glad it's you and not me," said Doyle, 
 " that he took the fancy to go out walking with." 
 
 " I suppose now," said Gallagher, " that you 
 wouldn't come along with us." 
 
 " I will not," said Doyle, " so you may make your 
 mind easy about that." 
 
 " I don't see what harm it would do you." 
 
 " I've things to look after," said Doyle, " and 
 anyway I don't fancy spending my time talking 
 about a dead General that nobody ever heard of." 
 
 " It's what I feel myself," said Gallagher. 
 
 " You may feel it," said Doyle, " but you'll have 
 to go with him. It was you he asked and not 
 me."
 
 CHAPTER III 
 
 DR. Lucius O'GRADY is the only medical man in 
 Ballymoy. Whatever money there is to be won 
 by the practice of the art of healing in the neigh- 
 bourhood, Dr. O'Grady wins and has all to himself. 
 Unfortunately it is not nearly sufficient for his 
 needs. He is not married and so cannot plead a 
 wife and family as excuses for getting into debt. 
 But he is a man of imaginative mind with an optimis- 
 tic outlook upon life. Men of this kind hardly ever 
 live within their incomes, however large their in- 
 comes are ; and Dr. O'Grady 's was really small. 
 The dullard does not want things which the man 
 of lively imagination feels that he must have. The 
 sour man of gloomy disposition is for ever haunted 
 by the possibility of misfortune. He hoards what- 
 ever pittance he may earn. Dr. O'Grady had good 
 spirits and a delightful confidence in life. He spent 
 all, and more than all he had, feeling sure that the 
 near future held some great good fortune for him a 
 deadly epidemic perhaps, which would send all the 
 people of Ballymoy flocking to his surgery, or a 
 post under the new Insurance Act. 
 
 The very qualities of mind which made him 
 N
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 37 
 
 improvident made him also immensely popular. 
 Everybody liked him. Even his creditors found it 
 hard to speak harshly to him. He owed money 
 to Doyle ; but Doyle, though as keen as any man 
 living on getting what was due to him, refrained 
 from hurrying Dr. O'Grady over much. He grum- 
 bled a great deal, but he allowed the account in the 
 shop attached to the hotel to run on. He even 
 advanced sums of hard cash when some distant 
 creditor, a Dublin tailor, for instance, who did not 
 appreciate the doctor's personal charm, became 
 importunate. Between what was due in the shop 
 for tea, sugar, whisky, tobacco, and other necessaries, 
 and the money actually lent, Dr. O'Grady owed 
 Doyle rather more than 60. He owed Gallagher 
 more than 1, being five years' subscription to the 
 Connacht Eagle. He owed a substantial sum to 
 Kerrigan, the butcher. He owed something to 
 every other shopkeeper in Ballymoy. The only 
 people to whom he did not owe money were Major 
 Kent, Mr. Gregg, the District Inspector of Police, 
 and Mr. Ford, the stipendiary magistrate. No one 
 could have owed money to Mr. Ford, because he 
 was a hard and suspicious man who never lent 
 anything. Nobody could have borrowed from 
 Mr. Gregg, because Mr. Gregg, who had just got 
 married, had no money to lend. Major Kent had 
 a little money and would have lent it to Dr. O'Grady, 
 would, in fact, have given it to him without any 
 hope of ever getting it back again, but the doctor 
 
 LS5IJ3I
 
 38 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 refused to borrow from him. He had a conscien- 
 tious objection to victimising his personal friends. 
 Doyle, so he explained, lived very largely by lending 
 money, and therefore offered himself as fair game 
 to the impecunious borrower. The shopkeepers 
 throve on a system of credit. They were fair game 
 too. Major Kent was in a different case. To borrow 
 from him was to take a mean advantage of the good 
 nature of a simple, unprofessional man. 
 
 Major Kent and Dr. O'Grady walked into Bally- 
 moy together at about half -past two on the day of 
 Mr. Billing's arrival. They had lunched at Ports- 
 mouth Lodge, the Major's house. Dr. O'Grady 
 had given his opinion of a new filly which the Major 
 had bought a few days before. It was a very un- 
 favourable opinion, and the Major, who had the 
 greatest confidence in the doctor's judgment, was 
 duly depressed. 
 
 " If I were you, Major," said the doctor, " I'd 
 sell that one at once. She's no good." 
 
 " I'd sell her fast enough," said the Major gloomily, 
 " if I could find a buyer." 
 
 " It was 30 you gave for her in the fair ? " said 
 the doctor. 
 
 " It was ; and if you're right about her she's 
 not worth the half of it. She's not worth 12." 
 
 " I happen to know that fellow Geraghty," said 
 the doctor. " The man who stuck you with her. 
 He's a patient of mine. I pulled him through his 
 last attack of d.t.'s, so I know all there is to know
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 89 
 
 about him. He'd stick an archangel. If he hap- 
 pened to be selling him a pair of wings it would 
 turn out afterwards that the feathers were dropping 
 out." 
 
 " If you know him," said the Major, " you know a 
 blackguard." 
 
 " After sticking you with the filly," said the 
 doctor, "he spent the evening drinking in the 
 hotel." 
 
 " He would." 
 
 " And the more he drank the bigger the price 
 was that he said he got from you. When Doyle 
 turned him out in the end he was saying that he 
 had your cheque for 60 in his pocket. I don't 
 suppose Doyle believed that. Nobody would. But 
 he probably thinks you gave 40 or 45." 
 
 " All I gave was 80. But I don't see that it 
 matters what Doyle believes." 
 
 " It does matter," said Dr. O'Grady. " If Doyle 
 believes you gave 40 for the filly, and if you were 
 to offer her to him for 35 he'd think he was getting 
 a bargain and he'd jump at it. Doyle's just the kind 
 of fool who thinks he knows all about horses and so 
 he's quite an easy man to stick. Come on now, 
 and we'll try." 
 
 Major Kent was in all ordinary affairs of life a 
 strictly honourable man. But horses are not 
 ordinary affairs. It is on record that a bishop, 
 an Irishman and therefore intensely religious, once 
 sold a thoroughly unsound horse to an archdeacon
 
 40 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 for a large price. The archdeacon had a high 
 opinion of the bishop beforehand, regarding him 
 as a saintly man of childlike simplicity. He had 
 a much higher opinion of him after he understood 
 the failings of the animal he had bought. He then 
 respected the bishop for his shrewdness. Horse- 
 dealing is a thing apart from all other buying and 
 selling. Honesty, in the common sense of the 
 word, does not enter into it. Therefore, Major 
 Kent was quite ready to defraud Doyle if he could. 
 He and Dr. O'Grady walked into Ballymoy together 
 for the purpose. 
 
 They reached the corner of the market square 
 and caught sight of Mr. Billing's large motor-car 
 standing outside the hotel. Doyle and Gallagher, 
 who had stopped drinking, were standing near it. 
 
 " If Doyle's bought that motor," said the Major, 
 " he won't look at the filly." 
 
 " He hasn't," said the doctor. " What would he 
 do with the motor if he had it ? All the same 
 it's queer. I don't know what it's doing there. 
 Nobody with money enough to own a car like that 
 could possibly be stopping at Doyle's Hotel. Come 
 along and let's find out about it." 
 
 They hurried across the square and greeted Doyle 
 and Gallagher. 
 
 " Whose is the big motor ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " It belongs to an American gentleman," said 
 Doyle, " who's within in the hotel. We're waiting 
 for him this minute. He's getting his camera, and
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 41 
 
 when he has it got he's going round with Thady 
 Gallagher to photograph the town." 
 
 Gallagher took Major Kent by the arm and drew 
 him apart. 
 
 " Major," he said, " can you tell me who was 
 General John Regan ? " 
 
 " Never heard of him," said the Major, " but if 
 he owns that car he must be a middling well-off 
 man." 
 
 " Look here, Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady, " you know 
 that filly the Major bought at the fair." 
 
 " I've heard of her," said Doyle. 
 
 "Well, as it happens," said Dr. O'Grady, "she 
 turns out to be a bit too good for what he wants. 
 His idea was to get something to do a bit of carting, 
 and it turns out that this one is well, she has 
 breeding. Now, look here, Doyle " 
 
 He led Doyle apart just out of earshot of the 
 Major and Gallagher. 
 
 " I owe you a trifle, don't I, Doyle ? " 
 
 '* As near as I can go to it without looking at my 
 books," said Doyle, " you owe me 60, and I'd be 
 thankful if so be that it's quite convenient to 
 you " 
 
 " It isn't a bit convenient," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " but I quite admit that I owe the money. Now 
 what I suggest is this. I've persuaded the Major 
 to let you have that filly cheap, dirt cheap. It 
 will be found money to you, Doyle, if you get her 
 at the price the Major's going to name, and you
 
 42 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 may be able to knock a pound or two off that. 
 Under these circumstances and seeing that I'm 
 
 putting the chance in your way it isn't every 
 
 one that could, but I'm a friend of the Major's and 
 he trusts me I think you ought to stop talking 
 about the trifle I owe you. I'm sick of the subject.'* 
 
 " You're not near as sick of it as I am," said 
 Doyle, " and I don't know that I want the filly." 
 
 " You do want her," said Dr. O'Grady. " You 
 want anything that you can make money out of. 
 Hullo! Who's that?" 
 
 Mr. Billing, carrying his camera, appeared at 
 the door of the hotel. 
 
 " It's the American gentleman that owns the 
 motor-car," said Doyle. "Tell me this now, 
 doctor. Did ever you hear of General John Regan ? ' ' 
 
 "Of course I did," said Dr. O'Grady. "He's 
 a well-known millionaire, just the sort of man to 
 be touring the country in a big motor. Go you 
 off now and settle with the Major about the filly. 
 I'll entertain the General for you." 
 
 " For God's sake, doctor, be careful what you 
 say," said Doyle in a whisper. " The General's 
 dead this twenty years and it's a statue there ought 
 to be to his memory. So that fellow's after saying, 
 any way." 
 
 " Oh, all right," said Dr. O'Grady. " It's just 
 the same thing. I'll manage. You go and settle 
 with the Major." 
 
 He approached Mr. Billing jauntily.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 43 
 
 " Delighted to meet you, sir," he said. " De- 
 lighted to welcome you to Ballymoy. You'll find 
 it a most interesting locality. My name is O'Grady, 
 Lucius O'Grady, M.D." 
 
 Mr. Billing took off his hat, laid down his camera, 
 and shook hands with the doctor. 
 
 " Mine is Billing," he said. " Horace P. Billing. 
 I come from America. My object in visiting 
 Ballymoy " 
 
 " The poor old General, of course," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " We thought you'd be sure to come 
 sooner or later. Your uncle, wasn't he, or great 
 uncle ? I forget." 
 
 Mr. Billing seemed surprised, very much surprised. 
 He dropped Dr. O'Grady 's hand abruptly and 
 stared at him. Then he recovered himself with an 
 effort. 
 
 " I can't claim relationship with that great man," 
 he said. 
 
 " That's a pity," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " I'm his biographer," said Mr. Billing. " I'm 
 engaged in writing the first complete life of the 
 founder of the Bolivian Republic. I have come 
 to Ballymoy " 
 
 il You couldn't possibly have come to a better 
 place." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady was not a literary man, but he had 
 an idea that people who write books seek out quiet 
 places in which they are not likely to be over excited 
 while engaged in their trying work. Ballymoy
 
 44 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 seemed to him a suitable place for any one engaged 
 in writing a biography. 
 
 " It surprises me some," said Mr. Billing, " to 
 find that you've no statue erected to the memory of 
 the General. I'd have thought " 
 
 " The matter is under discussion," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Our Urban District Council is alive 
 to its duty in the matter. At the last meeting 
 let me see now, was it the last meeting. Gallagher ! 
 Thady Gallagher ! Come here for a minute." 
 
 Thady Gallagher, who had been acting as umpire 
 in an animated wrangle between Doyle and Major 
 Kent, shambled across to the door of the hotel where 
 Dr. O'Grady and Mr. Billing were standing. 
 
 " Was it the last meeting of the Urban District 
 Council," said Dr. O'Grady, " or was it the last but 
 one, that you were discussing the erection of a 
 statue to General John Regan ? " 
 
 He did not venture to wink as he asked the ques- 
 tion, but Gallagher was quite quick witted enough 
 to give the proper answer. 
 
 " It was the last meeting," he said. 
 
 " There was a slight difference of opinion among 
 the members," said Dr. O'Grady, "as to the form 
 which the memorial was to take. Some of them 
 wanted a life-sized statue in white marble. Mr. 
 Gallagher, here, was more in favour of a drinking 
 fountain. It was you who wanted the fountain, 
 wasn't it, Thady ? " 
 
 " It was," said Gallagher.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 45 
 
 "As a cheaper form of memorial," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " so as to spare the rates as far as possible." 
 
 " That's right," said Gallagher. 
 
 " If you'll allow me to say so," said Mr. Billing, 
 " the question of expense ought not to be allowed 
 to stand in your way. I myself will gladly 
 promise " 
 
 Mr. Billing hesitated for a moment. It was not 
 clear whether he meant to promise a handsome 
 subscription or merely to say that he would help 
 in collecting the necessary money. Dr. O'Grady 
 thought it well to assume at once that a subscription 
 had been promised. 
 
 " Good," he said, " take a note of that, Thady, 
 and announce it to the Urban District Council at 
 the next meeting. Mr. Billing will hand over his 
 subscription to the treasurer as soon as one is 
 appointed. You can arrange about a proper vote 
 of thanks being passed." 
 
 Mr. Billing seemed quite pleased at this inter- 
 pretation of his unfinished sentence. He* went on 
 to make another promise. 
 
 " And I think I may safely guarantee," he said, 
 
 " on behalf of the people of Bolivia They can 
 
 never forget " 
 
 "They oughtn't to," said the doctor. "After 
 all he did more for them than he ever did for us." 
 
 " He was born here," said Mr. Billing, " and that's 
 something to be proud of." 
 
 " And we are proud of it, Thady Gallagher is
 
 46 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 having an article in his paper next week saying how 
 much we appreciate the dear old General. Aren't 
 you, Thady ? " 
 
 " I am, of course," said Gallagher. 
 
 Then, lest he should be committed any further, 
 Gallagher slipped away and joined Major Kent and 
 Doyle. They were standing together near the motor- 
 car in high debate as to whether the price of the 
 filly was to be 30 or 34. The Major had abated 
 one pound of the price he asked at first. Doyle 
 had, so far, resisted every effort to induce him to 
 make an advance upon his original offer. They were 
 both enjoying themselves greatly. But Gallagher 
 interrupted them. 
 
 " The doctor knows all about him," he said, 
 " thanks be to God he's " 
 
 " She's a filly," said Doyle, " and I know as much 
 about her as the doctor does." 
 
 He had for the moment forgotten his American 
 guest, and was thinking only of the animal which 
 Major Kent was trying to sell him. 
 
 " It's the General I'm talking about," said 
 Gallagher in an aggrieved tone, " and the doctor 
 says there's to be an article in the paper about him 
 next week. But if there is the doctor may write 
 it himself. It'll be easy for him seeing he knows 
 who the General was." 
 
 " He does not know any more than the rest of 
 us," said Doyle. " Didn't he say a minute ago he 
 was a well-known millionaire ? "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 47 
 
 " He knows now, any way," said Gallagher, 
 " and what's more he says that the Urban District 
 Council has been talking about erecting a statue to 
 him." 
 
 " Erecting a statue to who ? " said the Major. 
 
 " To General John Regan, of course," said 
 Gallagher. 
 
 " But sure there was no such talk," said Doyle, 
 " not that I heard of, any way." 
 
 " There was not," said Gallagher, " but there will 
 be now ; and there might have been. There's no 
 denying that there might have been." 
 
 " Doyle," said the Major anxiously, " we must 
 finish settling the price of the filly later on. I'm 
 nervous, I'm confoundedly nervous about what 
 the doctor may be doing. You never know what 
 wild idea he may take into his head, or what he may 
 let us all in for." 
 
 " He's all right," said Gallagher. " Don't I tell 
 you he's arranging with the American gentleman." 
 
 " He may be getting us all into some mess or 
 other. You never know what the doctor will be 
 at. He's so infernally imaginative." 
 
 Mr. Billing and Dr. O'Grady had left the door of 
 the hotel. They were standing together in the 
 middle of the square almost opposite the police 
 barrack. Major Kent hurried towards them. Doyle 
 and Gallagher followed him slowly. 
 
 " What's this talk about a statue ? " said Doyle. 
 "Didn't I tell you before that I'd agree to no
 
 48 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 statue ? Isn't the rates high enough already with- 
 out that ? And don't I have to pay more of them 
 than any other man in the town ? " 
 
 " There'll be no addition to the rates," said Gal- 
 lagher. " The way the doctor was fixing it up it'll 
 be the American gentleman that'll pay for the 
 statue. He's just after saying he will, and the 
 Urban District Council is to pass a vote of thanks 
 to him, which is what they'll be glad to do, and I'll 
 draw it up myself." 
 
 " Of course," said Doyle, slightly mollified, " if 
 he pays the cost of it there'll be no objection to the 
 statue. But are you sure now that he's fit ? Statues 
 cost a deal." 
 
 " Look at the motor-car he came in," said 
 Gallagher. 
 
 The motor seemed conclusive evidence. It was 
 a very splendid vehicle. Doyle hurried forward. 
 A stranger who proposed to spend large sums of 
 money in the town deserved to be treated with every 
 kind of politeness and respect. A statue still struck 
 Doyle as an exceedingly useless thing ; but he was 
 not without hope that Mr. Billing might be per- 
 suaded to give his money, if he really wanted to 
 give money, to some more sensible object. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady introduced Major Kent to Mr. 
 Billing. 
 
 " Our principal resident gentleman," he said, 
 " a J.P. and a strong Unionist. Gallagher, of 
 course, is a Home Ruler. But these little political
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 49 
 
 differences of opinion don't really matter. They're 
 both equally keen on doing their duty to the memory 
 of the great General." 
 
 " What's that ? " said the Major. " What General 
 are you talking about ? " 
 
 " General John Regan," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Who ? What ? " said the Major. 
 
 " Don't give yourself away now, Major," said 
 Dr. O'Grady, in a whisper. " Don't let Mr. Billing 
 find out that you've never heard of the General. 
 You ought to have heard of him. The Major," he 
 said aloud, " isn't as well up in the General's history 
 as he might be. He hasn't studied the details of his 
 campaigns ; but he quite agrees with the rest of us 
 that there ought to be a statue to his memory." 
 
 " Dr. O'Grady has just informed me," said Mr. 
 Billing, "that the centre of this square is the site 
 that has been selected by your Urban District 
 Council." 
 
 " The very spot we're standing on at the present 
 moment," said Dr. O'Grady. " The Major has 
 promised 5, which shows how keen he is on the 
 project. Don't say you haven't, Major. We all 
 know that you're a modest man, doing good by 
 stealth and blusjiing to find it known. But a 
 public subscription can't be kept secret. Sooner 
 or later the list of subscribers will have to be pub- 
 lished. Doyle," he looked round as he spoke 
 and saw Doyle and Gallagher standing near him. 
 " Doyle has promised another 5. He ought to 
 
 D
 
 50 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 be giving more, and I daresay he will in the end. 
 He's a much richer man than the Major, though he 
 doesn't look it. Gallagher is good for another 
 pound. It doesn't sound much from a newspaper 
 editor, but it's as much as he can afford. Half the 
 advertisements in his paper aren't paid for at all. 
 Father McCormack he's the parish priest, and we 
 haven't asked him yet, but he'll put down his name 
 for 10 at least. He always supports every kind 
 of good work liberally." 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Mr. Billing, " you may put 
 me down for 500 dollars." 
 
 Doyle and Gallagher drew pieces of paper and 
 pencils from their pockets. They did sums rapidly, 
 Doyle on the back of an old envelope, Gallagher on 
 a sheet of paper already covered with shorthand 
 notes. Dr. O'Grady worked his sum in his head. 
 He arrived at his answer first. 
 
 " A hundred pounds ! " he said. " A generous 
 subscription ! " 
 
 " It's more than a hundred," said Doyle. " What 
 do you make it, Thady ? " 
 
 " Counting 4s. 2d. to the dollar," said Gallagher, 
 " it comes to " 
 
 " There's a halfpenny along with that," said 
 Doyle, " as often as not." 
 
 " Any way," said Gallagher, " it won't be less 
 than 104 3s. 4d." 
 
 " The Urban District Council," said Doyle, " will 
 take a delight in passing that vote of thanks to
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 51 
 
 Mr. Billing at its next meeting, and it'll be a good 
 strong vote, won't it, Thady ? " 
 
 ** As strong as ever any one that was passed 
 about the landlords," said Gallagher, " only differ- 
 ent, of course, mighty different." 
 
 " Look here, O'Grady," said Major Kent. " What 
 do you mean by saying that I'm going to subscribe 
 5 ? Who is this General you're all talking about ? " 
 
 "Do shut up, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " Everything's all right if you'll only keep quiet. 
 As you've got a camera with you, Mr. Billing," he 
 went on, " you might like to take a photograph of 
 that house opposite you. It was there that the 
 great General " 
 
 " Glory be to God," said Gallagher, " it's the 
 police barrack ! " 
 
 " The birthplace of the great General ? " said 
 Mr. Billing, taking off his hat. 
 
 "Not exactly," said Dr. O'Grady. "Thady 
 Gallagher will show you his birthplace this after- 
 noon. This is the house in which he spent his 
 early youth, up to the age of eleven years." 
 
 " Excuse me," said Mr. Billing. " I'll just get 
 my camera. A view of that house will be most 
 interesting. I certainly ought to have it for my 
 biography." 
 
 He crossed the road to the hotel and picked up 
 his camera. He carried it to the middle of the 
 square and set up the tripod legs. Then he screwed 
 the camera into its place.
 
 52 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " O'Grady," said Major Kent angrily, " I don't 
 want to make a public exposure of you before a 
 total stranger, but if you don't stop trying to make 
 fools of us all " 
 
 " I don't know what you're talking about, Major," 
 said the doctor. " I'm not making a fool of any- 
 one. I'm helping to persuade Mr. Billing to erect 
 a statue in this town. You can't deny that a 
 statue would be an improvement to the place." 
 
 " A statue ! " said the Major. " Who to ? " 
 
 " Good Heavens ! " said Dr. O'Grady, " haven't 
 you grasped that yet ? To General John Regan." 
 
 Mr. Billing had his head under a black cloth. 
 He was screwing the lens of his camera backwards 
 and forwards and appeared to be entirely absorbed 
 in his photography. 
 
 " Tell me now, doctor," said Doyle, " before we 
 
 go further into the matter Mind you, I'm not 
 
 saying a word against what you're doing, but 
 I'd be glad to know who was General John 
 Regan." 
 
 " If I'm to show the American gentleman the 
 birthplace of the General," said Gallagher, " I'll 
 need to know where it is. Will you tell me this 
 now, doctor, where was the General born ? " 
 
 " I haven't time," said Dr. O'Grady, " to give 
 you all elementary lectures on modern history ; 
 and I certainly haven't the temper to spend all day 
 hammering into your heads simple facts which " 
 
 " Facts ! " said the Major.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 58 
 
 " Go home, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. " You've 
 no tact, and in an affair of this kind where the 
 highest kind of diplomacy is necessary, you're not 
 only useless, you're actually dangerous. Now, 
 Doyle, do you or do you not want to have the 
 handling of that American gentleman's 100 ? 
 You do, of course. Very well, then. Leave the 
 matter in my hands and don't annoy me by asking 
 frivolous questions. Thady, the birthplace of the 
 General is one of those ruined cottages it doesn't 
 in the least matter which on the grass farm where 
 Doyle has his cattle ever since you and your League 
 prevented anyone else taking the place. You ought 
 to have known that without bothering me. Good 
 Heavens ! Here's the police sergeant coming to 
 ask me questions now." 
 
 Sergeant Colgan and Constable Moriarty were 
 approaching at a rapid walk. 
 
 " Begging your pardon, doctor," said the ser- 
 geant, " but is that a camera that the gentleman 
 has, and is he thinking of taking a picture of the 
 barrack ? " 
 
 " He is," said the doctor, " but he's not photo- 
 graphing it as a barrack at all. He's doing it in 
 an entirely different spirit. So there's no necessity 
 for you to start any theory about his being a German 
 spy, or to raise stupid objections." 
 
 " I wasn't thinking of objecting," said the ser- 
 geant. " It makes no matter to me what notion 
 he has in his kead. But what Constable Moriarty
 
 54 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 was saying to me this minute " he hesitated, and 
 
 then added, " speak up now, Moriarty." 
 
 " What the sergeant said to me," said Moriarty, 
 " as soon as ever he seen the gentleman with the 
 camera " 
 
 " It wasn't me passed the remark," said the 
 sergeant, " but yourself. I'll not have it put out 
 that I was the one " 
 
 Mr. Billing, standing bare-headed beside his 
 camera, squeezed a yellow bulb and clicked the 
 shutter of his lens. He turned smiling. 
 
 " A successful photograph, I hope, gentlemen," 
 he said. " The people of Bolivia will be interested 
 to see it. It will adorn the first volume of the 
 General's life." 
 
 " There ! " said Dr. O'Grady to Sergeant Colgan. 
 " That comes of not speaking out promptly. The 
 photograph is taken now, and whatever remark it was 
 that you or Moriarty made will be simply wasted." 
 
 " It's a pity, so it is," said the sergeant, " for 
 what Constable Moriarty was after saying " 
 
 " What the sergeant said," said Moriarty, " is 
 that he'd be glad if the gentleman would take him 
 along with the barrack." 
 
 " It's not often," said the sergeant, " that we 
 have anyone taking photographs round in these 
 parts, and Constable Moriarty would have been 
 pleased to be took on account of being able to send 
 the photo after to a young lady that he's acquainted 
 with up in Dublin."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 55 
 
 " There's no young lady up in Dublin," said 
 Moriarty sulkily. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady was a man of quick sympathy and 
 a kind heart. He realised at once that both Ser- 
 geant Colgan and Constable Moriarty wanted to 
 have their photographs taken. 
 
 " Go over to the door of the barrack," he said, 
 " and arrange yourselves in such a way as to look 
 as ornamental as possible. I'll try to get the gentle- 
 man to take another photograph." 
 
 Mr. Billing had slipped his dark slide into his 
 pocket, and was unscrewing his camera from its 
 stand. Dr. O'Grady called to him. 
 
 " I'm afraid," he said, " that you got your photo- 
 graph wrong." 
 
 " Mistake about the house ? " said Mr. Billing. 
 " Well, it can't be helped. Which is the right 
 one ? " 
 
 " Not exactly that," said Dr. O'Grady. " You've 
 got the proper house, but the Major has just re- 
 minded me " 
 
 " I did not," said Major Kent. 
 
 " Well, if it wasn't you it was Thady. Thady 
 Gallagher has just reminded me that the top storey 
 wasn't built when the General lived there. The 
 Government added it afterwards when the place 
 was bought for a police barrack. What you ought 
 to do if you want to get the thing absolutely right 
 is to take another photograph and make sure that 
 the top storey doesn't come into it."
 
 56 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I'm greatly obliged to you," said Mr. Billing. 
 " I'll expose a second plate." 
 
 He arranged his camera again. Sergeant Colgan 
 and Moriarty settled themselves in stiff attitudes, 
 one on each side of the barrack door. 
 
 " Am I to take the two policemen as well ? " said 
 Mr. Billing, looking out from beneath his black 
 cloth. 
 
 " You may as well," said Dr. O'Grady. " It will 
 interest the Bolivians to see how this country is 
 overrun with what Thady Gallagher calls the armed 
 forces of an alien power." 
 
 "What I say is this," said Thady Gallagher, 
 grasping at his opportunity, " so long as the people 
 of this country is kept in subjection and the cursed 
 system of landlordism is supported " 
 
 "Look here, O'Grady," said Major Kent, angrily, 
 " I can't be expected to stand this." 
 
 " It's all right, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. " It's 
 only poor old Thady. You know jolly well he 
 doesn't mean a word of it." 
 
 " As long as the sacredness of our homes is in- 
 vaded," said Gallagher, " and the virtues of our 
 families corrupted by the overfed minions of the 
 landlord class " 
 
 " Oh, do shut up, Thady," said the doctor. " We 
 all know that stuff off by heart, and you must try 
 to recollect that the Major's a Unionist. He can't 
 be expected to listen to you peaceably ; and if 
 we don't run this statue business on strictly
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 57 
 
 non-political lines we'll never be able to carry it 
 through." 
 
 "Whisht now, Thady, whisht," said Doyle 
 soothingly ; " sure the sergeant is doing you no 
 harm." 
 
 Mr. Billing clicked his shutter again. Sergeant 
 Colgan and Constable Moriarty relapsed from their 
 strained attitudes and breathed freely. 
 
 " Got the lower storey all right ? " said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Good. I daresay now you'd like to 
 toddle round with Thady Gallagher and see the 
 General's birthplace. I'm sorry I can't go with you 
 myself, but I happen to be rather busy. There are 
 two old women with rheumatism expecting bottles 
 from me in the course of the afternoon." 
 
 " I'll fold up the camera," said Mr. Billing, " and 
 start at once." 
 
 " Doctor," said Gallagher anxiously, " what'll 
 I do when he starts asking me questions about the 
 General ? " 
 
 " Answer him, of course," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 "How can I, when I never heard tell of the 
 General till to-day. For the love of God, doctor 
 'dear, will you tell me who he was ? " 
 
 " Thady," said the doctor, " I'm ashamed of you. 
 Aren't you a politician ? You are, and well you 
 know it. Aren't you a newspaper editor ? You are, 
 there's no use denying it. Don't you spend your 
 whole life either talking or writing on subjects that 
 you know nothing about ? You do. And what
 
 58 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 on earth's the use of your pretending now that you 
 can't answer a few simple questions about General 
 John Regan ? There now, he's got his camera 
 folded up and he's waiting for you. Be off at once."
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 MOTOR-CARS are even yet far from common in the 
 west of Ireland. They are not, for instance, used 
 in elections as they are in England. There very 
 seldom are elections in the west of Ireland ; but 
 even if these entertainments were as frequent as 
 elsewhere motor-cars would not be used in them. 
 This is partly because the Irish voter is recognised as 
 incorruptible, not the kind of man who would allow 
 his vote to be influenced by a ride in an unaccustomed 
 vehicle ; partly because the west of Ireland candi- 
 date for Parliament is not rich enough to keep a 
 motor-car himself, and has no friends or supporters 
 who could lend him anything more expensive than 
 a horse. Therefore motor drives are an unknown 
 luxury to most Connacht men. Thady Gallagher, 
 though he was a newspaper editor, had never travelled 
 even in the side car of a motor-cycle. When Mr. 
 Billing made it clear that he meant to go to the 
 General's birth-place in his large car everybody felt 
 slightly envious of Gallagher, and Doyle wished 
 that he had not refused to join the expedition. 
 Gallagher himself was not elated by his good fortune 
 He was embarrassed and depressed. He cast an 
 appealing glance at Doyle. 
 
 59
 
 60 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " What am I to do, at all ? " he said. " What am 
 I to say to him when ? " 
 
 " If you've any sense," said Doyle, " you'll take 
 a good long drive now you have the chance. He 
 doesn't know the way. What's to hinder you from 
 taking him round every road within ten miles of 
 the town ? " 
 
 But the prospect did not cheer Gallagher. He 
 tried to grasp Dr. O'Grady's arm as he passed him. 
 But the doctor shook him off impatiently. He 
 even attempted an appeal to Major Kent, quite 
 vainly. The Major was still smarting under the 
 rhetorical denunciation of landlords. He would 
 not at that moment have gone a step out of his way 
 to rescue Gallagher from drowning. 
 
 The moment the motor-car was out of sight Major 
 Kent and Doyle turned hotly on Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 ** What the devil do you mean, O'Grady," said 
 the Major, " by talking in this absurd way ? You 
 know perfectly well " 
 
 Doyle spoke at the same time. 
 
 " It's a curious thing, so it is, doctor," he said. 
 " It's a curious thing that you'd be letting me in 
 for 5 when you know the loss I'm in on account 
 of you already. I'd have thought " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady interrupted them both. 
 
 " Suppose you agree to split the difference," 
 he said, "and say 32 10s. for the filly. It's a pity 
 to see two men like you losing your tempers over a 
 bargain."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 61 
 
 " It's not the bargain," said Doyle, " that has 
 my temper riz. It's " 
 
 " Doyle can have the filly if he likes," said the 
 Major, " at 32 10s. I don't want to go on wran- 
 gling about that. What I want to know " 
 
 " I'll take her," said Doyle. 
 
 Major Kent smiled faintly. He was getting out 
 of what threatened to be a very bad bargain with an 
 actual gain of 2 10s. He began to recover command 
 of his temper. Doyle also smiled. He believed that 
 he was buying for 32 10s. an animal for which 
 Major Kent had paid 40 three days before. He 
 felt kindly disposed towards Dr. O'Grady, who had 
 put the chance of such a bargain in his way. 
 
 " Now, Major," said the doctor, " you trot 
 along to my house while I speak a word or two to 
 Doyle. I'll be round with you in about ten minutes, 
 and give you some tea." 
 
 " But about that General ? " said the Major. 
 " I'd rather like to know " 
 
 He still wanted to know about General John 
 Regan. But the tone in which he asked for in- 
 formation had changed. He no longer seemed to 
 threaten. 
 
 " I'll explain aH that to you if you'll only do as I 
 tell you," said Dr. O'Grady. "At present I can't, 
 because I'm going to explain it to Doyle." 
 
 " Why can't you explain it to both of us at once ? " 
 said the Major. " That is to say if there is any 
 explanation of the way you've been going on."
 
 62 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 ** There are two explanations," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " one for you and one for Doyle. I can't give them 
 both at once, because they're different. I should 
 have thought you'd have seen that for yourself." 
 
 " I don't see how there can be two explanations," 
 said the Major, " not two true ones. But of course 
 they're neither of them that." 
 
 " They're both quite true," said Dr. O'Grady, " but 
 they're different, of course, because you and Doyle 
 look at everything from such different points of view. 
 Now do trot along, Major, and don't interrupt me 
 any more. That American may be back at any 
 moment. I don't believe Gallagher will be able to 
 keep him in play for very long." 
 
 He took Major Kent by the shoulders as he spoke 
 and pushed him some little way along the street. 
 Then he returned to Doyle. 
 
 " Now then, Doyle," he said, " you've done 
 pretty well over that filly. Strictly speaking you 
 owe me 7 10s. But I'm not going to say a word 
 about that." 
 
 " Seeing that you owe me 60," said Doyle, " it'll 
 maybe be as well for you not." 
 
 " What I do want to talk about," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " is General John Regan." 
 
 " If you tell me who he was," said Doyle, " I'll 
 be content." 
 
 " I don't see that it matters in the least to you 
 who he was. Look here now, Doyle. You're a 
 business man, and among other things you sell
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 68 
 
 whisky. Now suppose some one was to walk into 
 your hotel and tell you to forward ten dozen bottles 
 of whisky the best you had to his aunt, and sup- 
 posing that he told you his aunt's name was Regan, 
 would you go questioning and cross-questioning 
 every man you met as to whether there really 
 was an old lady called Miss Regan at the address he 
 gave you ? " 
 
 " I would not," said Doyle. " So long as I got 
 my money I wouldn't care whether the fellow ever 
 had an aunt, or what sort of a name there might be 
 to her if he had." 
 
 " Well, this is exactly the same sort of case. 
 Here's a man who wants a statue for a dead General, 
 and is perfectly willing to pay for it. Why should 
 you bother your head about who the statue is sup- 
 posed to represent ? 100 is 100, I suppose, even 
 if there never was a Regan in the world ; and there 
 have been, plenty of them." 
 
 " I see that," said Doyle. " I see that, now you 
 put it to me. And I don't deny but there's a lot 
 in what you say. But what I don't see is this : 
 I'd make something out of the whisky for the gentle- 
 man's aunt, but I don't understand how I'm to 
 make a penny out of the statue." 
 
 " You'll be treasurer of the fund," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " and I needn't tell you that in all these 
 cases the treasurer well, there might be a little 
 balance in hand at the end. There often is. 
 Nobody ever inquires about those balances. If the
 
 64 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 treasurers are fools they lie in the banks and nobody 
 ever gets any good of them. But you're not a 
 fool, Doyle." 
 
 " I am not ; and of course, there has been balances 
 of the kind you speak of before now. I wouldn't 
 say but looking at the matter in that way and 
 besides there'd be a commission from the fellow 
 that got the contract for the statue. And with 
 regard to the 5 that my name's down for " 
 
 " Come now, Doyle. Don't pretend to be 
 stupider than you are. You know perfectly well 
 that every public fund has to be started by some- 
 body with a respectable looking subscription. I 
 put it to you now as a business man, did you ever 
 hear of a case in which a subscription of that kind 
 was actually paid ? It appears in the published list 
 and it encourages other people, but " 
 
 " Say no more, doctor," said Doyle. " Say no 
 more." 
 
 " I shall count on you then, Doyle, to help me 
 in every way you possibly can. It's all for your 
 own good. And you won't be doing anybody any 
 harm." 
 
 " There's just one thing more," said Doyle. 
 
 " Out with it. And be as quick as you can. 
 I've still got to soothe the Major's scruples." 
 
 " If you don't mind my asking the question," 
 said Doyle, " what are you going to make out of it 
 yourself ? " 
 
 " That's a delicate point. I might tell you I'm
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 65 
 
 going into the business for the fun of the thing ; 
 but you wouldn't believe that." 
 
 " I would not," said Doyle, winking slowly. 
 
 *' I was afraid you wouldn't. It's true, as it 
 happens. That's just exactly why I am running 
 this statue. It offers me a little excitement and 
 variety. But as you won't believe it I'll have to 
 make up some sort of a lie that you will believe. 
 I owe you about 60, don't I ?" 
 
 " You do, doctor, but I'd be the last man in 
 Ireland to press you for the money if " 
 
 " Very well. If I put 20 into your pocket over 
 this statue, in addition to the 7 10s. you're making 
 on the filly, I'll expect you to stop talking about 
 what I owe you for the next six months. You 
 see some sense in that, don't you ? " 
 
 " I do." 
 
 " And it satisfies you as a reason for my taking all 
 the trouble that I'm going to take." 
 
 " It does, of course. Why wouldn't it ? " 
 
 " Very well. Believe it. But if the matter 
 ever comes up again you'll remember, Doyle, that I 
 offered you the truth and you wouldn't have it. 
 I didn't attempt to impose on you with that lie 
 until you insisted that I should." 
 
 Doyle grinned. He did not for a moment believe 
 that Dr. O'Grady was going to give himself a great 
 deal of trouble in the matter of General John Regan's 
 statue without gaining something by it. But he 
 admired the way in which the doctor, even when 
 
 E
 
 66 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 apparently cornered, succeeded in keeping up 
 appearances. 
 
 " If Gallagher gets tangled up in any difficulty," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, as he said good-bye to Doyle, 
 " send him straight round to me. Don't you at- 
 tempt to extricate him or you'll make matters worse. 
 I shall be at home for the next two hours. It will 
 take me that time at least to talk sense into the 
 Major." 
 
 When he got back to his own house Dr. O'Grady 
 found his friend in a state of badly repressed 
 impatience. 
 
 " That seems to have been a pretty long explana- 
 tion which you gave to Doyle," said the Major. 
 " I hope mine will turn out to be a bit shorter." 
 
 " That," said Dr. O'Grady, " will entirely depend 
 on yourself, Major. If you were a really intelligent 
 man no explanation whatever would be necessary. 
 You'd grasp the situation for yourself. If you were 
 even fairly intelligent a short explanation would be 
 quite sufficient. If, as I fear, you are downright 
 stupid I may have to spend an hour or two talking 
 to you." 
 
 " I don't see the slightest necessity for that," 
 said the Major. " You've only got to give a simple 
 answer to a perfectly plain question. Who was 
 General John Regan ? You answer that, and no 
 further explanation will be necessary." 
 
 " I'm afraid it will," said Dr. O'Grady. " Even 
 if I tell you all I know about the General you'll
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 67 
 
 still want to heckle me and generally upset my 
 plans." 
 
 " No, I won't, O'Grady. I promise you I won't. 
 Just tell me all you know about this General and I 
 won't say another word." 
 
 " Very well," said Dr. O'Grady. " I don't know 
 anything at all about the General. I never heard 
 of him in my life until to-day." 
 
 Major Kent gasped. Then he grew suddenly red 
 in the face. Then he spluttered explosively. Then 
 he burst into violent speech. 
 
 " And what the devil do you mean, O'Grady, 
 by ? I'm hanged if I ever heard of such " 
 
 " There you are," said Dr. O'Grady. " I knew 
 you wouldn't be satisfied. I've told you all I know 
 about the General, and so far from saying nothing 
 more, you begin to curse in the most frightful way." 
 
 44 That's all very well," said the Major, " but if 
 there's no such person as that General " 
 
 " I didn't say that. I said I knew nothing about 
 him. I'm a well educated man, Major, far better 
 educated than you are. But there are thousands 
 and thousands of quite eminent people still alive 
 whose names I've never heard, and when it comes 
 to dead people there are probably millions, scattered 
 up and down through history books, whom I know 
 nothing about. They may all be quite famous in 
 their own localities and may thoroughly deserve 
 statues. It's not their fault that I know nothing 
 about them,"
 
 68 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " But we don't any of us know anything about 
 this General. I don't. Doyle doesn't. You don't. 
 Why on earth should we put up a statue to him ? " 
 
 " Why shouldn't we allow that American Billing 
 or whatever his name is to put up a statue if he 
 likes. He wants to. Why shouldn't he ? " 
 
 " Why should he put it up here ? " said the Major. 
 " What brings him to Ballymoy ? " 
 
 "I expect," said Dr. O'Grady " mind, I don't 
 know for certain, but I expect that he's come to 
 the wrong place, mixed up Ballymoy with some 
 other town, with the town in which Regan was 
 really born. This General of his was evidently a 
 pretty big pot in his way, and if he had been born 
 in Ballymoy some of us would have heard of 
 him." 
 
 " In that case," said the Major, " we ought to 
 tell Billing of his mistake." 
 
 " Certainly not. In the first place that would be 
 a very unkind thing to do. Nobody likes being 
 told of their mistakes, especially when they're as 
 full of bounce and self-confidence as this fellow 
 Billing. It's not right to be maliciously and 
 wantonly unkind, Major, even to dumb animals ; 
 and I can't imagine anything more cruel than to 
 tell Billing that he's made a mistake. In the next 
 place, why on earth should we miss the chance of 
 getting a statue in Ballymoy ? We haven't got one 
 at present, and a good statue we'll get quite a 
 respectable one for Billing's 100, even if we don't
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 69 
 
 subscribe a penny ourselves will be a great orna- 
 ment to the town. You may not care for statues, 
 Major, but all really cultivated people love them. 
 Look at Dublin ! It's a city with two universities 
 in it, and the consequence is that it's simply spotted 
 all over with statues. Look at ancient Athens, 
 the most cultured city the world has ever seen. 
 The number of statues the Athenians had would 
 surprise you. Why shouldn't we have one ? It'll 
 do us all good." 
 
 " I call it a fraud," said the Major. " It's getting 
 money out of this fool of an American under false 
 pretences. If this General of his wasn't born 
 here " 
 
 " Now, do you suppose, Major, that the General 
 himself, the original John Regan, cares a pin where 
 his statue is ? " 
 
 " Of course he doesn't. The one thing we do 
 know about him is that he's dead. Why should 
 he care ? " 
 
 ** Quite so. Then there's no fraud so far as he's 
 concerned." 
 
 " I wasn't talking about him. I was talking 
 about the American." 
 
 " I'm just coming to him. Billing wants a 
 statue to the General. He wants it so much that 
 he's prepared to pay 100 for it. He also believes 
 that the General was born here. I think myself 
 that he's mistaken about that ; but there's no doubt 
 he believes it. He'll be quite satisfied if we have
 
 70 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 the statue here. If we don't he'll have to go to a lot 
 of trouble and expense looking out another birth- 
 place for the General. When he finds one the 
 people there may not be as civil and obliging as we 
 are. Or they may have as many statues as they 
 want already. I cannot for the life of me see that 
 we're committing any kind of fraud when we're 
 saving Billing a lot of expense, possibly a great 
 disappointment, and allowing him to do exactly 
 what he wants." 
 
 Major Kent sighed hopelessly. 
 
 " It's no use arguing with you," he said, " but 
 you'll get us all into trouble before you've done. 
 You're absolutely certain to be found out." 
 
 " Now you're beginning to talk sense," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " There is a certain risk of being found 
 out. I don't deny that. What we have to do is to 
 minimise it as far as possible. We must take 
 care not to commit ourselves to any statement 
 about the General's public career until we've found 
 out all we can about him. I intend to write to 
 Dublin to-night for every book there is about 
 Bolivia, which is the country he liberated. In the 
 meanwhile we're fairly safe in working up any kind 
 of local tradition we can think of. If that sort of 
 thing is well done there's practically no risk of 
 discovery. Even if the stories don't exactly fit in 
 with what's known about the General's later life, 
 it doesn't matter. The things that are told about 
 the boyhood of great men are all invented
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 71 
 
 afterwards. Nobody expects them to be true ; but 
 biographers have to put them in to satisfy the 
 curiosity of the public. There must be a chapter 
 headed ' Early Days,' or * Home Life,' or something 
 of that kind in every biography. That's the stuff 
 Billing expects us to supply in exchange for the 
 statue. At the same time men like Gallagher and 
 Doyle are appallingly stupid, and I can't say you're 
 exactly brilliant, Major. Any of you may, in an 
 unguarded moment " 
 
 " I shan't," said the Major, " because I'm going 
 straight home and don't mean to leave the house 
 again till this whole business is over." 
 
 " I wish that were possible," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " I should be much easier in my mind if you weren't 
 here at all. But unfortunately we must have you. 
 You give an air of solid respectability to the pro- 
 ceedings. You inspire confidence. We can't do 
 without you. I'll get Gregg, the District Inspector, 
 dragged into it too, and Ford the Resident Magistrate 
 if I can." 
 
 ' You won't get him. He has too much sense." 
 
 " I'll get his wife, any way. She loves a fuss of 
 any kind." 
 
 " Some of them will give you away," said the 
 Major. " You'll be found out." 
 
 " If Gallagher gets through this afternoon," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " I shall feel pretty safe. I wish 
 I hadn't been obliged to send Gallagher off alone 
 with Billing. Poor Thady is such an ass. But
 
 72 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 what could I do ? I couldn't go myself because I 
 had to explain the situation to you and Doyle. I 
 shall feel deeply thankful when Thady is safely 
 home again." 
 
 " By the way," said the Major, " what was the 
 explanation that you gave to Doyle ? It was 
 different from my one I know. I'd rather like to 
 hear it." 
 
 "Poor Doyle!" said Dr. O'Grady. " Do you 
 know I felt quite sorry for him about that filly. 
 He probably won't find out what's wrong with her 
 for about a fortnight or three weeks. He'll be so 
 busy over this General John Regan business that 
 he won't have time to do anything with her. But 
 when he does find out " 
 
 " He'll not be the first man in Ireland," said the 
 Major, " who's been let in over a horse, and I don't 
 pity him." 
 
 " I do," said Dr. O'Grady. " I pitied you, Major, 
 when you were stuck and I helped you to get out. 
 I don't see why I shouldn't pity Doyle too." 
 
 " How do you mean to get him out ? " said the 
 Major. " Perhaps you intend to palm off that filly 
 on your American." 
 
 " Not at all," said Dr. O'Grady. " My idea is to 
 get Doyle's money back for him out of the statue." 
 
 The Major thought this statement over and 
 gradually came to suspect that O'Grady contem- 
 plated some dishonourable use of public money. 
 He was just beginning to make a violent protest
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 73 
 
 when the door of the room in which they were 
 sitting opened, and Gallagher came in. 
 
 " Doctor," he said, " will you oblige me by coming 
 over to the hotel at once and pacifying the American 
 gentleman ? " 
 
 " I thought as much," said Dr. O'Grady, jumping 
 up. " You've muddled things somehow, Thady." 
 
 " I did the best I could," said Gallagher, " but 
 he wouldn't rest content with young Kerrigan's 
 wife." 
 
 " Good heavens ! " said Dr. O'Grady, " what on 
 earth have you said ? Young Kerrigan hasn't got 
 a wife." 
 
 " Sure I know that. But what was I to do ? 
 What I said was for the best. But any way you'd 
 better come round to the hotel, till you see for your- 
 self the way we're in." 
 
 " Come along, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. " You'll 
 enjoy watching us get out of this entanglement, 
 whatever it is." 
 
 " I'm not going with you," said the Major. " I 
 don't see any fun in standing still and listening to 
 you telling lies to that American. It's not my idea 
 of spending a pleasant afternoon." 
 
 " Come along," said Dr. O'Grady taking him by 
 the arm. " I may want you. I can't tell yet 
 whether I shall or not, for I don't know yet what's 
 happened. But I may." 
 
 The Major hung back. 
 
 " I'm not going," he said.
 
 74 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " If you don't," said Dr. O'Grady in a whisper, 
 " I'll tell Doyle about the filly, all about her, and 
 as you haven't got the money for her yet well, 
 you know what Doyle is. He's not the kind of man 
 I'd care to trust very far when he finds out that 
 Oh, do come on." 
 
 It may have been this threat which overcame 
 Major Kent's reluctance. It may have been a 
 natural curiosity to find out what trouble Gallagher 
 had got into with Mr. Billing. It may simply have 
 been Dr. O'Grady's force of character which van- 
 quished him. He allowed himself to be led away.
 
 CHAPTER V 
 
 " Now Thady," said Dr. O'Grady, " tell me exactly 
 what happened and what the trouble is." 
 
 " It was on account of my mentioning young 
 Kerrigan's wife," said Gallagher. 
 
 " Young Kerrigan hasn't got a wife," said the 
 Major. 
 
 " Better begin at the beginning," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 "If we knew how you arrived at whatever state- 
 ment you made about young Kerrigan's wife we'd be 
 in a better position to judge what has to be done 
 about it. Start off now at the moment when you 
 went away in the motor-car. You went to Doyle's 
 farm, I suppose, as I told you, so as to show Mr. 
 Billing the General's birthplace ? " 
 
 " In the latter end we got there," said Gallagher, 
 " but at the first go off I took him along the road 
 past the workhouse." 
 
 " That wasn't quite the shortest route," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " In fact you began by going in exactly 
 the opposite direction." 
 
 " After that we went round by Barney's Hill," 
 said Gallagher, " and along the bohireen by the side 
 of the bog, me telling him the turns he ought to take." 
 
 75
 
 76 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " What on earth did you go there for," said the 
 Major, " if you wanted to get to Doyle's farm ? " 
 
 " When we'd passed the bog," said Gallagher, 
 " we took a twist round, like as we might be trying 
 to cut across to the Dunbeg Road." 
 
 " You seem to have gone pretty well all around 
 the town," said Dr. O'Grady. " I suppose you 
 enjoyed driving about in a large motor. Was that 
 it?" 
 
 " It was not," said Gallagher, " but I was in dread 
 to take him to Doyle's farm, not knowing what 
 questions he might be asking about the General 
 when we got there. I'd be glad now, doctor, if 
 you'd tell me who the General was, for it's trouble- 
 some not knowing." 
 
 "There isn't time," said Dr. O'Grady, "to go 
 into long explanations simply to satisfy your morbid 
 curiosity. Go on with your story. What happened 
 when you did get to the place ? I suppose you got 
 there in the end ? " 
 
 " We did of course," said Gallagher, " and I 
 showed him the ruin of the little houseen, the same 
 as you told me to. ' And was it there,' says he, 
 ' that the great General, the immortal founder of 
 the liberties of Bolivia, first saw the light ? ' 'It 
 was,' says I. So he took a lep out of the motor- 
 car and stood in front of the old house with his hat 
 in his hand. So I told him about the way the land- 
 lords had treated the people of this country in times 
 past, and the way we are meaning to serve them
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 77 
 
 out as soon as we have Home Rule, which is as good 
 as got, only for the blackguards of Orangemen 
 up in the North. I told him " 
 
 "I'm sure you did," said Dr. O'Grady, "but 
 you needn't go over all that to us, particularly as 
 the Major hates that kind of talk." 
 
 " Nobody," said Gallagher, " would want to say 
 a word that was displeasing to the Major, who is 
 well liked in this locality and always was. If only 
 the rest of the landlords was like him, instead of " 
 
 " Go on about the American," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " did he throw stones at you while you were making 
 that speech about Home Rule ? " 
 
 " He did not," said Gallagher, " but he stood 
 there with the tears rolling down the two cheeks 
 of him " 
 
 "What?" said Dr. O'Grady, "do you mean 
 to tell me he cried ? " 
 
 " It was like as if he was going to," said Gallagher, 
 " and * the patriot statesman,' says he, ' the mighty 
 warrior,' says he, and more to that, the same as if 
 he might be making a speech about the land and the 
 league boys cheering him." 
 
 " I'm rather bothered about that American in 
 some ways," said Dr. O'Grady. " Are you telling 
 me the truth now, Thady, about what he said?" 
 
 " I am," said Gallagher. " I'd take my oath 
 to every word of it." 
 
 " Either he's a much greater fool than he looks," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " or else but I'll find that out
 
 78 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 afterwards. Go on with your story, Thady. What 
 happened next ? " 
 
 " Well, after he'd cried about a saucerful " 
 
 " I thought you said he didn't actually cry ? " 
 
 " It was like as if he was going to cry. I told 
 you that before." 
 
 " Come on, O'Grady," said the Major. " What's 
 the use of listening to this sort of stuff ? " 
 
 " Be quiet, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. " We're 
 just coming to the point. Go ahead, Thady. You'd 
 just got to the saucerful of tears. When he'd 
 emptied that out what did he do ? " 
 
 " He asked me," said Gallagher, " was there any 
 relatives or friends of the General surviving in the 
 locality ? He had me bet there." 
 
 " I hope you told him there were several," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " I did, of course. Is it likely I'd disappoint 
 the gentleman, and him set on finding some one 
 belonging to the General ? ' Who are they ? ' said 
 he. ' Tell me their names.' Well, it was there I 
 made the mistake." 
 
 " It was a bit awkward," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " when you didn't know who the General was." 
 
 "What I thought to myself," said Gallagher, 
 ** was this. There might be many a one in the 
 locality that would be glad enough to be a cousin 
 of the General's, even if there was no money to be 
 got out of it, and it could be that there would. But, 
 not knowing much about the General, I wasn't
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 79 
 
 easy in my mind for fear that anybody I named 
 might be terrible angry with me after for giving 
 them a cousin that might be some sort of a disgrace 
 to the family, so " 
 
 " I see now," said Dr. O'Grady. " You thought 
 it safer to name somebody who didn't exist. But 
 what made you think of a wife for young Kerrigan ? " 
 
 " It was the first thing came into my head," said 
 Gallagher, " and I was that flustered I said it 
 without thinking." 
 
 " Well, how did he take it ? " 
 
 " He was mighty pleased, so he was. * Take me 
 to her,' he said. * Take me to see her this minute.' 
 Well, to be sure I couldn't do that." 
 
 "You could not," said Dr. O'Grady. "Could 
 he, Major ? " 
 
 " I don't see why not. He might have hired 
 some girl for half an hour." 
 
 " No decent girl would do it," said Gallagher, 
 " and anyway I wouldn't have had the time, for he 
 had me in the motor again before I knew where 
 he was and ' Shew me the way to the house,' 
 says he. ' You can't see her at the present time,' 
 says I, * though you may later.' * And why not ? ' 
 says he. 'The, reason why you can't,' says I, 'is 
 a delicate matter.' ' Oh ! ' says he. ' That's the 
 way of it, is it ? I'm glad to hear of it. The more 
 of the stock of the old General there are in the 
 world the better.' Well, when I seen him so pleased 
 as all that, I thought it would be no harm to please
 
 80 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 him more. ' It's twins,' I said, ' and what's more 
 the both of them is boys.' ' Take me to see the 
 father,' says he. * I'll be able to see him anyway. 
 I'd like to shake him by the hand.' ' 
 
 " Has he seen young Kerrigan ? " said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 
 
 ** He has not ; but he won't rest easy till he does. 
 I wanted to run round and tell young Kerrigan 
 the way things are, so as he'd be ready when the 
 gentleman came. But Doyle said it would be 
 better for me to tell you what had happened before 
 worse came of it." 
 
 " Doyle was perfectly right. Kerrigan would 
 stand over your story all right as long as he could, 
 but in the end he'd have had to produce the twins. 
 That's the awkward part. If you hadn't said twins 
 we might have managed. But there isn't a pair in the 
 town." 
 
 " Couldn't you telegraph to Dublin," said the 
 Major. " For a man of your resource, O'Grady, 
 mere twins ought not to prove a hopeless obstacle. 
 I should think that one of the hospitals where they 
 go in for that kind of thing would be quite glad 
 to let you have a brace of babies in or about the 
 same age." 
 
 O'Grady knew that this suggestion was not meant 
 to be helpful. The Major had an objectionable 
 habit of indulging in heavy sarcasm. He turned 
 on him sharply. 
 
 " You'd better go home, Major When you try
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 81 
 
 to be facetious you altogether cease to be useful. 
 You know perfectly well that there's no use talking 
 about importing babies. What would we do with 
 them afterwards ? You couldn't expect young 
 Kerrigan to keep them." 
 
 " I offered to go home some time ago," said the 
 Major, " and you wouldn't let me. Now that I've 
 heard about young Kerrigan's twins I mean to 
 stop where I am and see what happens." 
 
 " Very well, Major. Just as you like. As long 
 as you don't upset Billing by rolling up any of those 
 heavy jokes of yours against him I don't mind. 
 Here we are. I expect Doyle has Billing in the bar 
 trying to pacify him with whisky. You'd better 
 stay outside, Thady." 
 
 " I'd be glad of a drop then," said Gallagher wist- 
 fully. 4 ' After all the talking I did this afternoon ' ' 
 
 " Oh, go in if you like," said Dr. O'Grady. " Prob- 
 ably the safest thing for you to do is to get drunk. 
 Here's Billing crossing the street. He's just come 
 out of Kerrigan's shop. Why on earth Doyle 
 couldn't have kept him in play till I came. . . . He's 
 sure to have found out now that young Kerrigan 
 isn't married. This will make my explanation far 
 more difficult than, it need have been." 
 
 " It will make it impossible, I should imagine," 
 said the Major. 
 
 Mr. Billing, his hands in his coat pockets and a 
 large cigar between his teeth, came jauntily across 
 the street. Dr. O'Grady greeted him. 
 
 F
 
 82 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Good-evening, Mr. Billing," he said. " I hope 
 you've had a pleasant and satisfactory afternoon." 
 
 Sergeant Colgan and Constable Moriarty came 
 out of the barrack together. They joined the group 
 opposite the hotel. Constable Moriarty was grin- 
 ning broadly. He had evidently heard some version 
 of the story about young Kerrigan's twins. 
 
 " I am sorry to find," said the doctor, " that 
 Thady Gallagher made a mistake, and a bad one, 
 this afternoon." 
 
 " I reckon," said Mr. Billing, " that he kind of 
 wandered from the path of truth." 
 
 " Young Kerrigan isn't married," said the doctor. 
 
 " The twins," said Mr. Billing, " were an effort 
 of imagination. I am a man of imagination myself, 
 so I'm not complaining any." 
 
 ** Being a newspaper editor you have to be, of 
 course," said Dr. O'Grady. " But Gallagher's story 
 wasn't pure imagination. It was rather what I'd 
 call prophetic. The fact is young Kerrigan is going 
 to be married. Gallagher only anticipated things 
 a bit. I daresay he thought the ceremony had 
 really taken place. He didn't mean to deceive you 
 in any way. Did you, Thady ? " 
 
 He looked round as he spoke. He wanted Gal- 
 lagher to confirm what he said. 
 
 " He's within," said Constable Moriarty, grin- 
 ning, " and I wouldn't say but he's having a drink. 
 Anyway, here's Mr. Doyle." 
 
 Doyle, having supplied Gallagher with a bottle
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 88 
 
 of porter, came out of the hotel. He was naturally 
 anxious to hear Dr. O'Grady's explanation. 
 
 " The twins," said Mr. Billing, " were considerable 
 previous." 
 
 " Not so much as you might think," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Once people get married, you know, 
 Mr. Billing, it often happens generally in fact 
 not necessarily twins, but more or less that kind of 
 thing. I can quite understand Thady making the 
 mistake. And the girl young Kerrigan's going to 
 marry really is a grandniece of the General's. Thady 
 was quite right there." 
 
 "I'd like to see her," said Mr. Billing. "I'd 
 like to take a photograph of her. The Bolivian 
 public will be interested in a photograph of General 
 John Regan's grandniece." 
 
 " Run and get your camera then," said Dr. 
 O'Grady " I'll have her ready for you by the 
 time you're back." 
 
 Mr. Billing, looking very well satisfied and quite 
 without suspicion, went into the hotel. 
 
 " Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady, " fetch Mary Ellen 
 as quick as you can." 
 
 " Is it Mary Ellen ? " 
 
 " It is. Get her at once, and don't argue." 
 
 " But sure Mary Ellen's not the grandniece of 
 any General." 
 
 " She's the only grandniece we can possibly get 
 on such short notice," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " I don't know," said Sergeant Colgan, " will
 
 84 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Mr. Gallagher be too well pleased. Mary Ellen's 
 a cousin of his own." 
 
 " Thady will have to put up with a little incon- 
 venience," said Dr. O'Grady. " He got us all into 
 this mess, so he can't complain." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, doctor," said Constable 
 Moriarty, who had stopped grinning and looked 
 truculent, " but I'll not have it put out that Mary 
 Ellen's going to marry young Kerrigan. He's a 
 boy she never looked at, nor wouldn't." 
 
 "Shut up, Moriarty," said Dr. O'Grady. "If 
 you won't call her, Doyle, I must do it myself. Mary 
 Ellen, Mary Ellen, come here ! " 
 
 " What's the use of calling Mary Ellen ? " said 
 Doyle. " The girl knows well enough she's not the 
 niece nor the grandniece of any General. As soon 
 as ever you face her with the American gentleman 
 she'll be saying something, be the same more or less, 
 that'll let him know the way things are with her." 
 
 " If I know anything of Mary Ellen," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " she'll not say a word more than she 
 need on any subject. I never could drag anything 
 beyond * I did,' or * I did not,' or * I might,' out of 
 her, no matter how hard I tried. Mary Ellen ! 
 Mary Ellen ! Ah ! here she is." 
 
 Mary Ellen came slowly through the door of the 
 hotel. She smiled when she saw Dr. O'Grady, 
 smiled again and then blushed when her eyes lit 
 on Constable Moriarty. Her face and hands were 
 a little dirtier than they had been earlier in the day,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 85 
 
 but she had added a small, crumpled, white cap to 
 the apron which she put on in honour of Mr. Billing. 
 The sight of her roused all Constable Moriarty's 
 spirit. 
 
 " I'll not have it done, doctor," he said, *' so there 
 it is for you plain and straight. I'll not stand by 
 and see the character of a decent girl " 
 
 " Whisht, can't you," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 "Sergeant," said Dr. O'Grady, "this isn't a 
 matter in which the police have any business to 
 interfere. No one is committing a crime of any 
 sort. You'd far better send Moriarty back to the 
 barrack before he makes a worse fool of himself 
 than he has already." 
 
 " Get along home out of that, Moriarty," said the 
 sergeant. " Do you want me to have to report you 
 to the District Inspector for neglect of duty ? " 
 
 The threat was a terrific one. Moriarty quailed 
 before it. He did not actually go back to the 
 barrack ; but he retired to the background and 
 did no more than look reproachfully at Mary 
 Ellen whenever he thought she was looking his 
 way. 
 
 " It's a great pity," said Dr. O'Grady, " that we 
 haven't time to wash her face. I might do some- 
 thing, even without soap and water, if I had a pocket- 
 handkerchief. Major, just lend me Oh, hang 
 
 it ! I can't. Here comes Billing with his camera. 
 Pull yourself together now, Mary Ellen, and try to 
 look as if you were proud of your distinguished
 
 86 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 relative. It isn't every girl of your age who has 
 a General for a great uncle." 
 
 Mr. Billing approached. The corners of his lips 
 were twitching in a curious way. Dr. [O'Grady 
 looked at him suspiciously. A casual observer 
 might have supposed that Mr. Billing was trying hard 
 not to smile. 
 
 "This," said Dr. O'Grady, pointing to Mary 
 Ellen, " is the grandniece, the only surviving 
 relative, of General John Regan." 
 
 " You surprise me," said Mr. Billing. " When 
 I recollect that she cooked chops for my luncheon 
 to-day I'm amazed." 
 
 " The General wouldn't have thought a bit the 
 worse of her for that," said Dr. O'Grady. " A true 
 democrat, the General, if ever there was one. I 
 daresay he often cooked chops himself, when 
 campaigning I mean, and was jolly glad to get 
 chops to cook." 
 
 " So you," said Mr. Billing, addressing Mary 
 Ellen, " are the grandniece of the great General ? " 
 
 " I might be," she said. 
 
 " And I am to have the privilege Gentlemen, 
 please stand a little aside. I wish to " 
 
 Mr. Billing set up his camera and put his head 
 under the black cloth. Constable Moriarty sidled 
 up to Major Kent. Nothing had been said about 
 Mary Ellen's marriage with young Kerrigan. He 
 felt that he had been unnecessarily alarmed. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, Major," he said, " but may-
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 87 
 
 be if you asked the gentleman he'd give me a copy 
 of the photo when it's took." 
 
 " Talk to the doctor about that," said the Major, 
 " He's managing this show. I've nothing to do 
 with it." 
 
 " I'd be backward about asking the doctor," 
 said Moriarty, " on account of what passed between 
 us a minute ago when I thought he was wanting to 
 take away the girl's character." 
 
 Mr. Billing completed his arrangements and 
 stood beside his camera ready to release the shutter. 
 
 "You're quite sure," said Dr. O'Grady, "that 
 you wouldn't care to have her face washed ? " 
 
 "Certain," said Mr. Billing. "The General 
 was a genuine democrat if ever there was one. He 
 wouldn't have thought a bit the worse of her for 
 having a dirty face." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady started slightly and then looked 
 questioningly at Mr. Billing. It struck him that 
 there was something suspicious about this repetition 
 of his words. He glanced at the Major, at Doyle, 
 and then at the two policemen. They all seemed 
 completely absorbed in the taking of the photo- 
 graph. Mr. Billing's last remark had not struck 
 them as in any way odd. 
 
 The shutter clicked. One of Mary Ellen's 
 sweetest smiles was secured on the sensitive plate. 
 Constable Moriarty, greatly daring, asked Mr. 
 Billing for a print of the photograph. Mr. Billing 
 promised him a copy of the life of General John
 
 88 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Regan when it appeared. He said that there would 
 be a full-page reproduction of Mary Ellen's portrait 
 in the second volume. 
 
 " The Major and I must be off," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " but if I may call on you to-morrow morning, Mr. 
 Billing, I should like to make arrangements about 
 the public meeting. We want to have you at it." 
 
 " The meeting ? " said Doyle. 
 
 " The meeting about the statue," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " By the way, Doyle, you might call on Father 
 McCormack this evening." He spoke with a glance 
 at Mr. Billing which he hoped that Doyle would 
 interpret correctly. " You'd better remind him that 
 he's to take the chair. He promised a week ago, 
 but he may have forgotten. That's the worst of 
 these good-natured men," he added, speaking 
 directly to Mr. Billing. " They promise anything, 
 and then it's ten to one they forget all about it." 
 
 " I'm not quite sure," said Mr. Billing, " that 
 my arrangements will allow me " 
 
 " Oh, they will if you squeeze them a bit. 
 Arrangements are extraordinary pliable things if 
 you handle them firmly, and we'd like to have you. 
 A speech from you about the General would be 
 most interesting. It would stimulate the whole 
 population. Wouldn't it, Major ? " 
 
 " I'd like to hear it," said the Major. 
 
 " Good-bye then, for the present," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Come along, Major. By the way, 
 Doyle, if Thady takes a drop too much to drink,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 89 
 
 and he may, don't let him start boring Mr. Billing 
 about Home Rule." 
 
 He took Major Kent by the arm and walked off. 
 Until they passed the end of the street and were 
 well out on the lonely road which led to the Major's 
 house, neither of them spoke. Then the Major 
 broke silence. 
 
 " I hope, O'Grady, that you're satisfied with that 
 performance." 
 
 " To tell you the truth, Major, I'm not." 
 
 " I'm surprised to hear that," said the Major. 
 *' You've told the most outrageous lies I ever heard. 
 You've " 
 
 " I gave the only possible explanation of a rather 
 difficult situation." 
 
 " You've made a laughing stock of a respectable 
 girl." 
 
 " I've given Mary Ellen a great uncle that she 
 ought to be proud to own. That's not what's 
 bothering me." 
 
 " What is, then ? " 
 
 " That American," said the doctor. " I don't 
 at all like the way he's going on. He's not by any 
 means a fool " 
 
 " He must be, DT he wouldn't have swallowed all 
 those lies you told him in the way he did. How 
 could Mary Ellen possibly be ? " 
 
 " That's just it," said Dr. O'Grady. " He swal- 
 lowed what I said far too easily. The situation, 
 owing to Thady Gallagher's want of presence of
 
 90 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 mind, was complex, desperately complex. I got 
 out of it as well as any man could, but I don't deny 
 that the explanation I gave particularly that 
 part about Mary Ellen being engaged to young 
 Kerrigan, was a bit strained. I expected the 
 American would have shied. But he didn't. He 
 swallowed it whole without so much as a choke. 
 Now I don't think that was quite natural. The 
 fact is, Major, I'm uneasy about Billing. It struck 
 me that there was something rather odd in the 
 way he repeated my words about the General being 
 a genuine democrat. He gave me the impression 
 that he was well, trying to make fools of us." 
 
 " You were certainly trying to make a fool of 
 him." 
 
 " I don't quite understand his game," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, "if he has a game. I may be wronging 
 him. He may be simply an idiot, a well-meaning 
 idiot with a craze for statues." 
 
 " He must be," said the Major. " Nothing else 
 would account for " 
 
 " I doubt it," said Dr. O'Grady. " He doesn't 
 look that kind of man. However, there's no use 
 talking any more about it to-night. I'll be in a 
 better position to judge when I've found out all 
 there is to know about this General of his. I'll 
 write for the books I've mentioned, and I'll write 
 to a man I know in the National Library. If 
 there's anything known about the General on this 
 side of the Atlantic he'll ferret it out for me."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 91 
 
 Dr. O'Grady stopped speaking. The Major sup- 
 posed that he had stopped thinking about Mr. 
 Billing's curious conduct. The doctor did indeed 
 intend to stop thinking about it. But it is difficult 
 to bridle thought. After walking half a mile in 
 silence Dr. O'Grady spoke again, and his words 
 showed that his mind was still working on the same 
 problem. 
 
 " Americans have far too good an opinion of 
 themselves," he said. " Billing may possibly think 
 he's playing some kind of trick on us. He may be 
 laughing at us in some way we don't quite under- 
 stand." 
 
 " I don't know whether he's laughing or not," 
 said the Major, " but everybody else will be very 
 soon if you go on as you're going."
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 IT is very difficult to do anything of importance to 
 the community without holding a public meeting 
 about it. In Ireland people have got so accustomed 
 to oratory and the resolutions which are the im- 
 mediate excuse for oratory, that public meetings 
 are absolutely necessary preliminaries to any enter- 
 prise. This is the case in all four provinces, which 
 is one of the things which goes to show that the 
 Irish are really a single people and not two or three 
 different peoples, as some writers assert. The hard- 
 headed, commercially-minded Ulsterman is just as 
 fond of public meetings as the Connacht Celt. He 
 would hold them, with drums and full dress speechi- 
 fying, even if he were organising a secret society and 
 arranging for a rebellion. He is perfectly right. 
 Without a public meeting it would be impossible to 
 enroll any large number of members for a society. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady, having lived all his life in Ireland, 
 and being on most intimate terms with his neigh- 
 bours, understood this law. He also understood 
 that in order to make a success of a public meeting 
 in Connacht and therefore to further the enterprise 
 on hand, it is necessary that the parish priest should 
 
 92
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 93 
 
 take the chair, and advisable that a Member of 
 Parliament should propose the first resolution. 
 
 He began by sending Doyle to Father McCormack. 
 Doyle, foreseeing a possible profit for himself, did 
 his best to persuade Father McCormack to take the 
 chair. Father McCormack, who was a fat man 
 and therefore good-natured, did not want to refuse 
 Doyle. But Father McCormack was not a free 
 agent. Behind him, somewhere, was a bishop, re- 
 puted to be austere, certainly domineering. Father 
 McCormack was very much afraid of the bishop, 
 therefore he hesitated. The most that Doyle could 
 secure, after a long interview, was the promise of a 
 definite answer the next day. 
 
 Father McCormack made use of the twenty-four 
 hours' grace he had secured by calling on Major 
 Kent. The Major was a Protestant, with strong 
 anti-Papal convictions, and therefore was not, it 
 might have been supposed, a good man to advise a 
 priest on a delicate question of ecclesiastical eti- 
 quette. But the Major was eminently respectable, 
 and his outlook upon life was staidly conserva- 
 tive. Father McCormack felt that if Major Kent 
 thoroughly approved of the erection of a statue to 
 General John Regan it was likely to be quite a 
 proper thing to do. 
 
 " I'm not sure," said Father McCormack, 
 " whether it will suit me to take the chair at this 
 meeting the doctor's getting up or not. I'm not 
 sure, I say. Can you tell me now, Major Kent,
 
 94 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 who's this American gentleman they're all talking 
 about ? " 
 
 " I don't know anything about him," said the 
 Major, " but I'm bound to say he looks like a 
 Protestant. I don't know whether that will make 
 any difference to you or not." 
 
 " From the little I've seen of him just across 
 the street from the window of the Presbytery 
 I'd say you were right about his religion, but I 
 needn't tell you, Major Kent, that I'm not a bigotted 
 man. It wouldn't stop me taking the chair if he 
 was a Protestant. It wouldn't stop me if he was 
 a Presbyterian, and I can't say more than that. 
 You know very well that I'd just as soon be sitting 
 on a committee alongside of a Protestant as any 
 ordinary kind of man. I'm not one that would 
 let religion interfere too much." 
 
 " He seems quite respectable," said the Major. 
 " He's been here three days now, and I never saw 
 him drunk." 
 
 " It's not that either that's troubling me," said 
 Father McCormack. " There's many a man gets 
 drunk when he can, and I'd be the last to make too 
 much out of that." 
 
 " I can't tell you any more about him," said the 
 Major, " for that's all I know, except that he appears 
 to be rich." 
 
 " The difficulty I'm in is on account of the bishop. 
 He's getting to be mighty particular. I don't say 
 he's wrong, mind you ; only there it is, But sure,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 95 
 
 if no one in the place has anything to say against 
 the American gentleman it's likely he'll turn out to 
 be all right But what about the fellow they want 
 to put up the statue to ? " 
 
 " General John Regan," said the Major. 
 
 " What about him ? I never heard tell of him 
 before." 
 
 *' For the matter of that, nor did I." 
 
 " Who was he at all ? " 
 
 "You'll have to ask Dr. O'Grady that. He's 
 the only man who professes to know anything about 
 him." 
 
 " As I was saying to you this minute," said 
 Father McCormack, " I wouldn't mind if he was a 
 Protestant." 
 
 " He hardly could be," said the Major, " with 
 that name." 
 
 " There's many a Protestant that might be just 
 as well deserving of a statue as maybe a bishop. 
 But what I'm afraid of is that this fellow might be 
 worse. For let me tell you, Major, there's worse 
 things than Protestants, and I'm not saying that 
 just because I'm talking to you I'd say it to 
 anyone." 
 
 This gratified Major Kent, but it did not enable 
 him to give any information about General John 
 Regan. 
 
 " There's no use asking me about him," he said 
 wearily. " Ask Dr. O'Grady." 
 
 "If it was to turn out at the latter end," said
 
 96 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Father McCormack, " that he was one of those 
 French atheists, or if he had any hand in hunting 
 the nuns out of Portugal, the bishop wouldn't be 
 too well pleased when he heard that I'd been helping 
 to put up a statue to him." 
 
 " You'll have to ask Dr. O'Grady. It's no good 
 asking me." 
 
 " Will you tell me this, Major Kent, and I won't 
 ask you another question. Are you going to the 
 meeting yourself ? " 
 
 " I am." 
 
 " Well now, you're a man with a position in the 
 place, and you wouldn't be going to a meeting of 
 the sort unless it was all right. I'm inclined to 
 think now that if you're going I wouldn't give a 
 thraneen for what Doyle might do. If that fellow 
 saw half a chance of making sixpence by going to 
 a meeting he'd go, if it was held for the purpose of 
 breaking the windows of the Presbytery. That's 
 the sort of man Doyle is. And I wouldn't mind 
 Thady Gallagher. Thady is a kind-hearted poor 
 fellow, though he's a bit foolish at times ; but he's 
 not the sort of man you could trust. He's too fond 
 of politics, and that's a fact. Give Thady the 
 opportunity of making a speech and you wouldn't 
 be able to keep him at home from a meeting, what- 
 ever sort of a meeting it might be. But it's different 
 with you, Major Kent." 
 
 The Major was deeply touched by this eulogy ; 
 so deeply touched that he felt it wrong to leave
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN d? 
 
 Father McCormack under the impression that he 
 was going to the meeting out of any feeling of 
 admiration for General John Regan. 
 
 44 The fact is," he said, " that I wouldn't go near 
 the meeting if I could help it." 
 
 " Is there anything against that General, 
 then ? ". 
 
 44 It's not that. It's simply that I loathe and 
 detest all public meetings, and I wouldn't go to 
 this one or any other if I could get out of it." 
 
 '* And why can't you get out of it ? A man 
 needn't go to a meeting unless he likes." 
 
 " He must," said the Major. " I must ; any man 
 must, if Dr. O'Grady gets at him." 
 
 44 That's true, too," said Father McCormack, 
 * 4 and I don't mind telling you that I've been keep- 
 ing out of the doctor's way ever since Doyle asked 
 me. I'd rather not see him till I have my mind 
 made up the one way or the other." 
 
 It was unfortunate for Father McCormack that 
 Dr. O'Grady should at that moment have walked 
 into the Major's study without even knocking 
 at the door. He had just received answers to 
 his letters from four of the most eminent Irish 
 Members of Parliament. He had asked them all 
 to attend a meeting at Ballymoy and make speeches 
 about General John Regan. They had all refused, 
 offering the very flimsiest excuses. Dr. O'Grady 
 was extremely indignant. 
 
 44 1 don't see what on earth use there is," he 
 
 G
 
 98 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 blurted out, " in our keeping Members of Parlia- 
 ment at all. Here we are paying these fellows 400 
 a year each, and when we ask for a perfectly simple 
 
 speech Oh, I beg your pardon, Father McCor- 
 
 mack, I didn't see you were here. But I daresay 
 you quite agree with me. Everyone must." 
 
 " Father McCormack came here," said the Major, 
 *' to ask about General John Regan." 
 
 " Who is he at all ? " said the priest. 
 
 " A general," said Dr. O'Grady, " Irish extrac- 
 tion. Born in Ballymoy. Rose to great eminence 
 in Bolivia. Finally secured the liberty of the 
 Republic." 
 
 " Father McCormack seems to think," said the 
 Major, " that he was some kind of anti-clerical 
 socialist." 
 
 " I said he might be," said Father McCormack. 
 " I didn't say he was, for I don't know a ha'porth 
 about him. All I said was that if he turned out 
 to be that kind of a man it wouldn't suit me to be 
 putting up statues to him. The Bishop wouldn't 
 like it." 
 
 " My impression is " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Mind, I don't say I'm perfectly certain of it, but 
 my impression is that he built a cathedral before 
 he died. Anyhow, I never heard or read a single 
 word against his character as a religious man. He 
 
 may have been a little " Dr. O'Grady winked 
 
 slowly. " You know the kind of thing I mean, 
 Father McCormack, when he was young. Most
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 99 
 
 military men are, more or less. I expect now that 
 the Major could tell us some queer stories about 
 the sort of thing that goes on " 
 
 " No, I couldn't," said the Major. 
 
 " In garrison towns," said Dr. O'Grady per- 
 suasively, " and of course it's worse on active service. 
 Come now, Major, I'm not asking you to give your- 
 self away, but you could " 
 
 " No, I couldn't," said the Major firmly. 
 
 *' What you mean is that you wouldn't," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " Not while Father McCormack is 
 listening to you, anyhow. And you may take my 
 word for it that the old General was just the same. 
 He may have been a bit of a lad in his early days " 
 
 " I wouldn't mind that," said Father McCormack. 
 " I wouldn't mind that if it was twice as much, so 
 long " 
 
 " But he'd never have said anything really dis- 
 respectful in the presence of a clergyman of any 
 denomination. Whatever his faults were and he 
 had faults, of course he wasn't that kind of man. 
 So you needn't hesitate about taking the chair at 
 the meeting, Father McCormack. I defy the most 
 particular bishop that ever wore a purple stock to 
 find out anything really bad about the General." 
 
 " If I have your word for that," said Father 
 McCormack, " I'm satisfied." 
 
 " I'm not a rich man," said Dr. O'Grady. " I 
 can't afford to lose money, but I'll pay down 50 
 to any man who proves anything bad about the
 
 100 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 General. And when I say bad I don't mean things 
 like " 
 
 ** I understand you," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " I mean," said Dr. O'Grady, " atheism of a 
 blatant kind, or circulating immoral literature 
 Sunday papers, for instance or wanting to turn the 
 priests out of the schools, or not paying his dues " 
 
 " I understand you," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " I know what I'm talking about," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " for I've had a man looking up all that's 
 known about General John Regan in the National 
 Library in Dublin."
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 AT the very bottom of the main street of Ballymoy, 
 close to the little harbour where the fishing boats 
 nestled together in stormy weather, there is a disused 
 mill. Corn was ground in it long ago. The farmers 
 brought it from the country round about after the 
 threshing was over, and the stream which now flows 
 idly into the sea was then kept busy turning a large 
 wheel. Since the Americans have taken to supplying 
 Ireland with flour ready ground, bleached, and fit 
 for immediate use, the Irish farmers have left off 
 growing wheat. Being wise men they see no sense 
 in toiling when other people are willing to toil instead 
 of them. The Ballymoy mill, and many others 
 like it, lie idle. They are slipping quietly through 
 the gradual stages of decay and will one day become 
 economically valuable to the country again as 
 picturesque ruins. Few things are more attractive 
 to tourists than ruins, and the country which pos- 
 sesses an abundance of them is in a fair way to grow 
 rich easily. But it is necessary that the ruins should 
 be properly matured. No man with an educated 
 taste for food will eat Stilton cheese which is only 
 
 half decayed. No educated tourist will take long 
 
 101
 
 102 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 journeys and pay hotel bills in order to look at an 
 immature ruin. The decaying mills of Ireland 
 have not yet reached the profitable stage of develop- 
 ment. Their doors and windows are still boarded 
 up. Their walls are adorned with posters instead of 
 ivy. No aesthetic archaeologist has as yet written 
 a book about their architecture. 
 
 The Ballymoy mill was the property of Doyle. 
 He bought it very cheap when the previous owner, 
 a son of the last miller, lapsed into bankruptcy. He 
 saw no immediate prospect of making money out of 
 it, but he was one of those men they generally 
 end in being moderately rich who believe that 
 all real property will in the end acquire a value, if 
 only it is possessed with sufficient patience. In the 
 meanwhile, since buildings do not eat, and so long 
 as they remain empty are not liable for rates, the 
 mill did not cost Doyle anything. He tried several 
 times to organise schemes by means of which he 
 might be able to secure a rent for the mill. When it 
 became fashionable, eight or ten years ago, to start 
 what are called " industries " in Irish provincial 
 towns, Doyle suggested that his mill should be 
 turned into a bacon factory. A public meeting 
 was held with Father McCormack in the chair, and 
 Thady Gallagher made an eloquent speech. Doyle 
 himself offered to take shares in the new company 
 to the amount of 5. Father McCormack, who was 
 named as a director, also took five 1 shares. It was 
 agreed that Doyle should be paid 30 a year for the
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 103 
 
 mill. At that point the scheme broke down, mainly 
 because no one else would take any shares at all. 
 
 A couple of years later Doyle tried again. This 
 time he suggested a stocking manufactory. Stock- 
 ings are supposed to require less capital than bacon 
 curing, and, as worked out on paper, they promise 
 large profits. Doyle offered the mill for 25 a year 
 this time, and was greatly praised by Thady Gal- 
 lagher in the columns of the Connacht Eagle for 
 his patriotic self-sacrifice. Another large meeting 
 was held, but once more the public, though en- 
 thusiastic about the scheme, failed to subscribe 
 the capital. A great effort was made the next year 
 to induce the Government to buy the building for 
 1,000, with a view to turning it into a Technical 
 School. A petition was signed by almost everyone 
 in Ballymoy setting forth the hungry desire of the 
 people for instruction in the arts of life. Several 
 Members of Parliament asked the Chief Secretary 
 searching questions on the subject of the Ballymoy 
 Technical School. But the Chief Secretary declared 
 himself quite unable to wring the money out of the 
 Treasury. Thady Gallagher wrote articles and made 
 speeches which ought to have caused acute discom- 
 fort to the Prime Minister. But Doyle found himself 
 obliged to give up the idea of a Technical School. 
 He waited hopefully. In the end, he felt sure, some 
 way of utilising the old mill would be found. In 
 the meanwhile the building, though unprofitable 
 to Doyle, was not entirely useless. Its walls, boarded
 
 104 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 doors and windows, formed the most excellent place 
 for the display of advertisements. The circuses 
 which visited the town in summer covered a great 
 deal of space with their posters. When retiring 
 members of the Urban District Council wanted to 
 be re-elected they notified their desire by means 
 of placards pasted on the walls of Doyle's mill. 
 All public meetings were advertised there. Doyle 
 himself made nothing out of these advertisements ; 
 but Thady Gallagher did. He printed the posters, and 
 it was admitted by everyone that he did it very well. 
 Two days after his arrival in Ballymoy, Mr. 
 Billing strolled down to the harbour. He was a man 
 of restless and energetic disposition, but the visits 
 which he received from Dr. O'Grady, and the 
 speeches about Home Rule to which Gallagher 
 subjected him, began to worry him. In order to 
 soothe his nerves he used to spend an hour or two 
 morning and evening looking at the fishermen who 
 spent the day in contemplating their boats. There 
 is nothing in the world more soothing than the study 
 of a fisherman's life on shore. When he is at sea 
 it is probably strenuous enough. But then he very 
 seldom is at sea, and when he is he is out of sight. 
 Having, so to speak, drunk deeply of the torpor 
 of Ballymoy harbour, Mr. Billing turned his face 
 towards the shore and looked at the wall of Doyle's 
 mill. He was startled to find six new posters stuck 
 on it in a row. They were all bright green Mr. 
 Billing read them with interest.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 105 
 
 The announcement opened with a prayer, printed 
 in large type : 
 
 "GOD SAVE IRELAND." 
 
 This was repeated at the bottom of each poster 
 in the Irish language, which Mr. Billing could not 
 read. Next to the prayer, in very much larger type, 
 came the words : 
 
 "A PUBLIC MEETING," 
 
 Then, in quite small letters : 
 
 " WILL BE HELD ON TUESDAY NEXT AT 3 P.M. IN THE 
 MARKET SQUARE, OPPOSITE THE 4 IMPERIAL HOTEL.' " 
 
 Mr. Billing read on and learned that Father 
 McCormack would take the chair, that several 
 distinguished Members of Parliament would address 
 the meeting, that Mr. T. Gallagher, Chairman 
 U.D.C., would also speak, and that here the letters 
 became immense Mr. Horace P. Billing, of Bolivia, 
 would give an account of the life of General John 
 Regan, in whose honour it was proposed to erect 
 a statue in Ballymoy. 
 
 Mr. Billing smiled. Then he turned and walked 
 briskly to the hotel. He found Doyle and Thady 
 Gallagher seated together on the bench outside 
 the door. He addressed them cheerfully : 
 
 " Say, gentlemen," he said, *' that doctor of yours 
 seems to have got a move on this locality. The 
 announcement of the meeting is a good thing, sure."
 
 106 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " The doctor," said Doyle, " is a fine man ; but 
 it would be better for him if he'd pay what he owes. 
 I'm tired, so I am, of trying to get my money out of 
 him." 
 
 " The doctor," said Gallagher, " has the good of 
 the locality at heart, and whatever it might be that 
 he takes in hand will be carried through. You may 
 rely on the doctor." 
 
 Thady Gallagher had not yet been paid for print- 
 ing the green posters. But he had every hope he 
 would be when Mr. Billing handed over his subscrip- 
 tion to the statue fund. He felt it right to do all 
 in his power to encourage Mr. Billing. Doyle, on 
 the other hand, was becoming despondent. He did 
 not like to see money which ought to be his frittered 
 away on posters and the other necessary expenses 
 of a public meeting. He was much less inclined 
 to admire the doctor's enterprise. 
 
 " I guess," said Mr. Billing, " that these Congress- 
 men will draw some." 
 
 " If you mean the Members of Parliament," said 
 Doyle, " the doctor told me this morning that they 
 said they'd more to do than to be attending his 
 meetings." 
 
 " It could be," said Gallagher hopefully, " that 
 one of them might." 
 
 " They will not," said Doyle. 
 
 " We'll do without them," said Mr. Billing. 
 
 " That's what the doctor said to me," said Gal- 
 lagher. " * We'll do without them, Thady,' said he,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 107 
 
 * so long as we have Mr. Billing and Father McCor- 
 maek and yourself,' meaning me, ' we'll have a good 
 meeting if there never was a Member of Parliament 
 near it.' And that's true too." 
 
 " If the doctor," said Doyle, " would pay what 
 he owes instead of wasting his time over public 
 meetings and statues and the like it would be better. 
 Not that I'd say a word against the statue, or, for 
 the matter of that, against the doctor, who's well 
 liked in the town by all classes." 
 
 The Tuesday fixed for the meeting was a well- 
 chosen day. It was the occasion of one of the 
 largest fairs held in Ballymoy during the year. The 
 country people, small farmers and their wives, 
 flock into the town whenever there is a fair. The 
 streets are thronged with cattle lowing miserably. 
 " Buyers," men whose business it is to carry the 
 half-fed Connacht beasts to the fattening pastures 
 of Meath and Kildare, assemble in large numbers 
 and haggle over prices from early dawn till noon. 
 No better occasion for the exploitation of a cause 
 could possibly be chosen. And three o'clock was 
 a very good hour. By that time the business of 
 the fair is well over. The buying and selling is 
 finished. But no one has gone home, and no one 
 is more than partially drunk. It is safe to expect 
 that everybody will welcome the entertainment that 
 a meeting affords during the dull time which must 
 intervene between the finishing of the day's business 
 and the weary journey home,
 
 108 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 The green posters were distributed far and wide. 
 They adorned every gatepost and every wall 
 sufficiently smooth to hold them within a circle 
 of three miles radius around the town. There was 
 some talk beforehand about the meeting. But on 
 the whole the people displayed very little curiosity 
 about General John Regan. It was taken for 
 granted that he had been in some way associated 
 with the cause of Irish Nationality, and one or two 
 people professed to recollect that he had fought on 
 the side of the Boers during the South African War. 
 Whoever he was, the people were inclined to support 
 the movement for erecting a statue to him by 
 cheering anything which Thady Gallagher said. But 
 they did not intend to support it in any other way. 
 The Connacht farmer is like the rest of the human race 
 in his dislike of being asked to subscribe to anything. 
 He is superior to most other men in his capacity 
 for resisting the pressure of the subscription list. 
 
 On the Saturday before the meeting Gallagher 
 published a long article on the subject of the General 
 in the Connacht Eagle. It was read, as all 
 Gallagher's articles were, with respectful attention. 
 Everybody expected to find out by reading it who 
 the General was. Every one felt, as he read it, 
 or listened to it read aloud, that he was learning 
 all he wanted to know, and did not discover until 
 he came to talk the matter over afterwards with 
 his friends that he knew no more when he had read 
 the article than he did before.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 109 
 
 It was not Thady Gallagher but Dr. O'Grady 
 who wrote the article. Thady made several attempts 
 and then gave up the matter in despair. Dr. 
 O'Grady, though he was extremely busy at the 
 time, had to do the writing. It was very well done, 
 and calculated to heat to the boiling point the 
 enthusiasm of all patriotic people. He began by 
 praising Thomas Emmet. He passed from him to 
 Daniel O'Connell. He recommended every one to 
 read John Mitchell's " Jail Journal." He described 
 the great work done for Ireland by Charles Stewart 
 Pamell. Then he said that General John Regan 
 was, in his own way, at least the equal, possibly the 
 superior, of any of the patriots he had named. He 
 wound up the composition with the statement that 
 it was unnecessary to recapitulate the great deeds 
 of the General, because every Irishman worthy of 
 the name knew all about them already. 
 
 No one read the article with more eagerness and 
 expectation than Gallagher himself. As the day 
 of the meeting drew nearer he was becoming more 
 and more uncomfortable about his speech. He 
 had not been able to find out either from Doyle or 
 from Father McCormack anything whatever about 
 the General. He did not want much. He was a 
 practised orator and could make a very small amount 
 of information go a long way in a speech, but he 
 did want something, if.it was only a date to which he 
 might attach the General's birth or death. Doyle 
 and the priest steadily referred him to Dr. O'Grady.
 
 110 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 From Sergeant Colgan he got nothing except a 
 guess that the General might have been one of the 
 Fenians. Dr. O'Grady, before the appearance of 
 the article, promised that it would contain all that 
 any one fieeded to know. After the article was 
 published Gallagher was ashamed to ask for further 
 information, because he did not want to confess 
 himself an Irishman unworthy of the name. 
 
 Doyle also was dissatisfied and became actually 
 restive after the appearance of Saturday's Connacht 
 Eagle. He was not in the least troubled by the 
 vagueness of the leading article. He was not one 
 of the speakers at the meeting, and it did not matter 
 to him whether he knew anything about General 
 John Regan or not. What annoyed him was the 
 publication, in the advertisement columns of the 
 paper, of a preliminary list of subscribers. In the 
 first place such an advertisement cost money and 
 could only be paid for out of Mr. Billing's subscrip- 
 tion, thus further diminishing the small balance on 
 which he was calculating as some compensation 
 for the irrecoverable debt owed to him by Dr. 
 O'Grady. In the second place his name appeared 
 on the list as a donor, not of 5, but of 10. He 
 knew perfectly well that he would not be expected 
 to pay any subscription, but he was vaguely annoyed 
 at the threat of such a liability. 
 
 On Sunday afternoon he called on Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Wasn't it agreed," he said, " that I was to be 
 the treasurer of the fund for putting up the statue ? "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 111 
 
 " It was," said Dr. O'Grady, " and you are 
 the treasurer. Didn't you see your name printed 
 in the Connacht Eagle, ' Secretary, Dr. Lucius 
 O'Grady. Treasurer, J. Doyle.' " 
 
 " If I'm the treasurer it's no more than right that 
 I should have some say in the way the money's 
 being spent, for let me tell you, doctor and I 
 may as well speak plain when I'm at it I'm not 
 satisfied. I've had some correspondence with a 
 nephew of mine who's in that line of business himself 
 up in Dublin, and he tells me that 100 is little 
 enough for a statue of any size. Now, I'm not saying 
 that I want to close the account with a balance 
 in hand " 
 
 " It's what you do want, Doyle, whether you say 
 it or not." 
 
 "But," said Doyle, ignoring this interruption, 
 " it wouldn't suit me if there was any debt at the 
 latter end. For it's myself would have to pay it 
 if there was, and that's what I'd not be inclined to 
 do. The way you're spending money on posters and 
 advertisements there'll be very little of the American 
 gentleman's 100 left when it comes to buying the 
 statue." 
 
 " I see your point all right, Doyle, but " 
 
 " If you see it," said Doyle, " I'm surprised at 
 you going on the way you are ; but, sure, I might 
 have known that you wouldn't care how much 
 you'd spend or how much you'd owe at the latter 
 end. There's that 60"
 
 112 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Don't harp on about that miserable 60," said 
 Dr. O'Grady, "for I won't stand it. Here I 
 am doing the very best I can to make money for 
 you, taking no end of trouble, and all you do is to 
 come grumbling to me day after day about some 
 beggarly account that I happen to owe you." 
 
 " It's what I don't see is how I'm going to make 
 a penny out of it at all, the way you're going on." 
 
 " Listen to me now, Doyle. Supposing I just 
 say supposing the Government was to build a 
 pier, a new pier, in Ballymoy, who do you think 
 would get the contract for the job ? " 
 
 " I would, of course," said Doyle, " for there'd 
 be no other man in the town fit to take it." 
 
 " And how much do you suppose you'd make 
 out of it ? " 
 
 " What's the use of talking that way ? " said Doyle. 
 " Hasn't the Government built us two piers already, 
 and is it likely they'd build us another ? " 
 
 " That's not the point. What I'm asking you is : 
 Supposing they did build another and you got the 
 contract for it, how much do you suppose you'd 
 make ? " 
 
 " Well," said Doyle, " if it was a good-sized pier and 
 if the engineer they sent down to inspect the work 
 wasn't too smart, altogether I might clear 100." 
 
 " Now, suppose," said Dr. O'Grady, " that you were 
 able to sell the stones of that old mill of yours " 
 
 " They're good stones, so they are." 
 
 " Exactly, and you'd expect a good price, for
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 113 
 
 them. Now suppose you succeeded in selling them 
 to the Government as raw material for the pier " 
 
 " They'd be nice and handy for the work," said 
 Doyle. ** Whoever was to use those stones for 
 building the pier would save a devil of a lot of 
 expense in carting." 
 
 " That, of course, would be considered in fixing 
 the price of the stones." 
 
 " It would," said Doyle. " It would have to be, 
 for I wouldn't sell them without it was." 
 
 " Under those circumstances," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " what do you suppose you'd make ? " 
 
 " I'd make a tidy penny," said Doyle. 
 
 " Very well. Add that tidy penny to the 100 
 profit on the pier contract and it seems to me that 
 it would pay you to lose a couple of pounds and 
 I don't admit that you'll lose a penny over the 
 statue business." 
 
 The mention of the statue brought Doyle back 
 from a pleasant dream to the region of hard fact. 
 
 " What's the good of talking ? " he said. " The 
 Government will build no more piers here." 
 
 *' I'm not so sure of that. If we were to get a 
 hold of one of the real big men, say the Lord- 
 Lieutenant, if we were to bring him down here and 
 do him properly flags, you know, Doyle, and the 
 town band, and somebody with a bouquet of flowers 
 for his wife, and somebody else all respectable 
 people, Doyle with an illuminated address and 
 
 if we were all to stand round with our hats in our 
 
 II
 
 114 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 hands and cheer in fact, if we were to do all the 
 things that those sort of fellows really like to see 
 
 done " 
 
 " We could have flags," said Doyle, " and we 
 could have the town band, and we could have all 
 the rest of what you say ; but what good would they 
 be ? The Lord-Lieutenant wouldn't come to Bally- 
 moy. It's a backward place, so it is." 
 
 " I'll get to that in a minute," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " But just suppose now that we had him and did 
 all the things I say, do you think he'd refuse us a 
 simple pier when we asked for it ? " 
 
 *' I don't know but he would. Hasn't the 
 Government built two piers here already ? Is it 
 likely they'd build a third ? " 
 
 " Those two piers were built years and years 
 ago," said Dr. O'Grady. " One of them is more 
 than ten years old this minute, and they were both 
 built by the last Government. The present Lord- 
 Lieutenant has probably never so much as heard 
 of them. We shouldn't go out of our way to 
 remind him of their existence. Nobody else in 
 Ireland will remember anything about them. We'll 
 start talking about the new pier as if it were quite 
 an original idea that nobody had ever heard of 
 before. We'd get it to a certainty." 
 
 Doyle was swept away by the glorious possi- 
 bilities before him. 
 
 " If so be the Lord-Lieutenant was to come, 
 and the Lady-Lieutenant with him, and more of
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 115 
 
 the lords and ladies that does be attending on them 
 up in Dublin Castle " 
 
 " Aides-de-camp, and people of that sort," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " They'd simply swarm down on us." 
 
 " There'd have to be a luncheon for them," said 
 Doyle. 
 
 " And it would be in your hotel. I forgot about 
 the luncheon. There'll be a pot of money to be 
 made out of that." 
 
 " With drinks and all," said Doyle, with deep 
 conviction " There would. The like of them 
 people wouldn't be contented with porter." 
 
 " Champagne," said Dr. O'Grady, " is the re- 
 cognised tipple for anybody high up in the Govern- 
 ment service. It wouldn't be respectful not to offer it." 
 
 "But he won't come," said Doyle. "What 
 would bring him ? " 
 
 " The statue will bring him." 
 
 " The statue ! Talk sense, doctor. What would 
 the like of him want to be looking at statues for ? 
 Won't he have as many as he wants in Dublin Castle, 
 and better ones than we'd be able to show him ? " 
 
 " You're missing the point, Doyle. I'm not 
 proposing to bring him down here simply to look at 
 a statue. I'm going to ask him to unveil it. Now 
 as far as I know the history of Ireland and I'm 
 as well up in it as most men that would be an 
 absolutely unprecedented invitation for any Lord- 
 Lieutenant to receive. The novelty of the thing 
 will attract him at once. And what's more, the
 
 116 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 idea will appeal to his better nature. I needn't 
 tell you, Doyle, that the earnest desire of every 
 Lord-Lieutenant is to assist the material and 
 intellectual advancement of Ireland. He's always 
 getting opportunities of opening technical schools 
 and industrial shows of one sort or another. They've 
 quite ceased to attract him. But we're displaying 
 an entirely new spirit. By erecting a public statue 
 in a town like this we are showing that we've arrived 
 at an advanced stage of culture. There isn't another 
 potty little one horse town in Ireland that has ever 
 shown the slightest desire to set up a great and 
 elevating work of art in its midst. You may not 
 appreciate that aspect of the matter, Doyle, but " 
 
 " If I was to give my opinion," said Doyle, " I'd 
 say that statues was foolishness." 
 
 " Exactly. But the Lord-Lieutenant, when he 
 gets our invitation, will give you credit for much 
 finer feeling. Besides, he'll see that we've been 
 studying up our past history. The name of General 
 John Regan will mean a great deal to him although 
 it conveys very little to you." 
 
 " It's what Thady Gallagher is always asking," 
 said Doyle, " who was the General ? " 
 
 " Gallagher ought to know," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " and I've told him so." 
 
 " He does not know, then. Nor I don't believe 
 Father McCormack does. Nor I don't know myself. 
 Not that it would trouble me if there never was a 
 General, only that you have Mary Ellen's head
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 117 
 
 turned with the notion that she'll be coming into a 
 big fortune one of these days " 
 
 " Is she not doing her work ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Devil the tap she's done these two days, but 
 what she couldn't help. Not that that bothers 
 me, for it's nothing strange. She never was one for 
 doing much unless you stood over her and drove 
 her into it. But what has annoyed me is the way 
 Constable Moriarty is never out of the kitchen or 
 the back yard. He was after her before, but he's 
 fifty times worse since he heard the talk about her 
 being the niece of the General. Besides the notion 
 he has that young Kerrigan wants her, which has 
 made him wild." 
 
 " Moriarty ought to have more sense," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 
 
 " He ought," said Doyle, " but he hasn't. The 
 tunes he whistles round the house would drive you 
 demented if so be that you listened to them ; but 
 I needn't tell you I don't do that." 
 
 " You'll have to put up with it," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " It won't be for very long, and you needn't mind 
 what Mary Ellen neglects so long as she attends 
 properly on Mr. Billing." 
 
 *' She'll attend him right enough," said Doyle. 
 " Since ever she got the notion that he was going 
 to make a lady of her, attending on him is the one 
 thing that she will do." 
 
 " Then you needn't bother your head about 
 anything else."
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 
 THERE are men in the world, a great many of them, 
 who are capable of managing details with thorough- 
 ness and efficiency. These men make admirable 
 lieutenants and fill subordinate positions so well 
 that towards the end of their lives they are allowed 
 to attend full dress evening parties with medals 
 and stars hung round their necks or pinned on their 
 coats. There are also a good many men who are 
 capable of conceiving great ideas and forming vast 
 plans, but who have an unconquerable aversion to 
 anything in the way of a detail. These men generally 
 end their days in obscure asylums, possibly in work- 
 houses, and their ideas, after living for a while as 
 subject matter for jests, perish unrealized. There 
 is also a third kind of man, fortunately a very rare 
 kind. He is capable of conceiving great ideas, and 
 has besides an insatiable delight in working out 
 details. He may end his days as a victorious general, 
 or even as an emperor. If he prefers a less ostenta- 
 tious kind of reward, he will die a millionaire. 
 
 Dr. Lucius O'Grady belonged to this third class. 
 In the face of Doyle's objection to his expenditure 
 
 on posters, he was capable of conceiving on the spur 
 
 us
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 119 
 
 of the moment and without previous meditation, 
 the audacious and magnificent plan of bringing the 
 Lord -Lieutenant to Ballymoy and wresting from 
 a reluctant treasury a sufficient sum of money to 
 build a third pier on the beach below the town. 
 There may have been other men in Ireland capable 
 of making such a plan. There was certainly no 
 one else who would have set himself, as Dr. O'Grady 
 did, with tireless enthusiasm, to work out the 
 details necessary to the plan's success. 
 
 As soon as Doyle left him he mounted his bicycle 
 and rode out to the Greggs' house. Mr. Gregg, 
 being the District Inspector of Police, was usually 
 a very busy man. But the Government, though 
 a hard task-master in the case of minor officials, 
 does not insist on anyone inspecting or being in- 
 spected on Sunday afternoons. Mr. Gregg had 
 taken advantage of the Government's respect for 
 revealed religion, and had gone out with a fishing 
 rod to catch trout. Mrs. Gregg was at home. 
 Being a bride of not more than three months' 
 standing she had nothing particular to do, and was 
 yawning rather wearily over the fashion-plates of 
 a ladies' paper. She seemed unaffectedly glad to 
 see Dr. O'Grady, and at once offered to give him 
 tea. The doctor refused the tea, and plunged into 
 his business. 
 
 " I suppose," he said, " that you'll have no 
 objection to presenting a bouquet to Lady Chester- 
 ton when she comes to Ballymoy ? "
 
 120 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Is she coming ? " said Mrs. Gregg. " How 
 splendid ! " 
 
 Before marrying Mr. Gregg she had lived in a 
 Dublin suburb. Accustomed to the rich and varied 
 life of a metropolis she found Ballymoy a little 
 dull. She recognised Major Kent as " a dear old 
 boy," but he was quite unexciting. Mrs. Ford, 
 the wife of a rather morose stipendiary magis- 
 trate, had severely snubbed Mrs. Gregg. There 
 was no one else, and the gay frocks of Mrs. Gregg's 
 bridal outfit were wasting their first freshness with 
 hardly an opportunity of being worn. 
 
 " Yes," said Dr. O'Grady. " She's coming with 
 the Lord-Lieutenant to unveil the new statue." 
 
 " How splendid ! " said Mrs. Gregg again. " I 
 heard something about the statue. But please 
 tell me more, Dr. O'Grady. I do so want to 
 know." 
 
 " Oh, there's nothing particular to tell about 
 the statue. It's to be to the memory of General 
 John Regan, and will be unveiled in the usual 
 way." 
 
 This did not add much to the information which 
 Mr. Gregg, who himself had gleaned what he knew 
 from Sergeant Colgan, had already given her. But 
 Mrs. Gregg was quite content with it. She did not, 
 in fact, want to know anything about the statue. 
 She only asked about it because she thought she 
 ought to. Her mind was dwelling on the dazzling 
 prospect of presenting a bouquet to Lady Chesterton.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 121 
 
 " Of course I should love to," she said, " But 
 I wonder if I could really, I mean." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady was a man of quick intelligence. 
 He realised at once that Mrs. Gregg had not been 
 listening to his account of the statue, but that she 
 was replying to his original suggestion. 
 
 "It's not the least difficult," he said. "Any- 
 one could do it, but we'd like to have it done really 
 well. That's the reason we're asking you." 
 
 " Don't you have to walk backwards ? " said 
 Mrs. Gregg. " I'd love to do it, of course, but I 
 never have before." 
 
 " There's no necessity to walk at all. You 
 simply stand in the front row of the spectators 
 with the bouquet in your hand. Then, when she 
 stops opposite you and smiles she'll be warned 
 beforehand, of course and she's had such a lot of 
 practice that she's sure to do it right you curtsey 
 and hand up the bouquet. She'll take it, and the 
 whole thing will be over." 
 
 " Oh," said Mrs. Gregg, " is that all ? " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady was conscious of a note of dis- 
 appointment in her voice. He felt that he had 
 over-emphasised the simplicity of the performance. 
 Mrs. Gregg would have preferred a longer ceremony. 
 He did his best to make such amends as were still 
 possible. 
 
 " Of course," he said, " your photograph will be 
 in all the illustrated papers afterwards, and there will 
 be a long description of your dress in The Irish Times."
 
 122 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I'd love to do it," said Mrs. Gregg. 
 
 "Very well, then," said Dr. O'Grady, "we'll 
 consider that settled." 
 
 Leaving Mrs. Gregg, he rode on to Major Kent's 
 house. The Major, like all men who are over forty 
 years of age, who have good consciences and 
 balances in their banks, spent his Sunday afternoons 
 sleeping in an armchair. No one likes being awak- 
 ened, either in a bedroom by a servant, in a rail- 
 way carriage by a ticket collector, or on a Sunday 
 afternoon by a friend. The Major answered Dr. 
 O'Grady's greeting snappishly. 
 
 " If you've come," he said, " to ask me to make 
 a speech at that meeting of yours on Tuesday, you 
 may go straight home again, for I won't do it." 
 
 " I'm not such a fool," said Dr. O'Grady pleas- 
 antly, "as to ask you to do any such thing. I 
 know jolly well you couldn't. Even if you could 
 and would, we shouldn't want you. We have 
 Father McCormack, and Thady Gallagher, besides 
 the American. That's as much as any audience 
 could stand ! " 
 
 "If it isn't that you want," said the Major, 
 " what is it ? " 
 
 " It's a pity you're in such an uncommonly bad 
 temper, Major. If you were even in your normal 
 condition of torpid sulkiness you'd be rather pleased 
 to hear what I'm going to tell you." 
 
 " If you're going to tell me that you've dropped 
 that statue folly, I shall be extremely pleased."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 123 
 
 " The news I have," said Dr. O'Grady, " is far 
 better than that. We've decided to ask the Lord- 
 Lieutenant down to unveil the statue." 
 
 " He won't come," said the Major, " so that's all 
 right." 
 
 "He will come. When it's explained to him 
 that " 
 
 " Oh, if you offer him one of your explana- 
 tions " 
 
 " Look here, Major. I don't think you quite 
 grasp the significance of what I'm telling you. 
 Ever since I've known you you've been deploring 
 the disloyalty of the Irish people. I don't blame 
 you for that. You're by way of being a Unionist, 
 so of course you have to. But if you were the 
 least bit sincere in what you say, you'd be delighted 
 to hear that Doyle and Thady Gallagher Thady 
 hasn't actually been told yet, but when he is he'll 
 be as pleased as everyone else You ought to be 
 simply overjoyed to find that men like Doyle are 
 inviting the Lord-Lieutenant down to unveil their 
 statue. It shows that they're getting steadily 
 loyaler and loyaler. Instead of exulting in the 
 fact you start sneering in a cynical and altogether 
 disgusting way.". 
 
 " I don't believe much in Doyle's loyalty," said 
 the Major. 
 
 "Fortunately," said Dr. O'Grady, "Doyle 
 thoroughly believes in yours. He agrees with me 
 that you are the first man who ought to be asked
 
 124 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 to join the reception committee. You can't pos- 
 sibly refuse." 
 
 " I would refuse if I thought there was the slightest 
 chance of the Lord-Lieutenant coming. Do you 
 think I want to stand about in a tall hat along with 
 half the blackguards in the town ? " 
 
 " Mrs. Gregg is going to present a bouquet," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Looking like a fool in the middle of the street, 
 while you play silly tricks with a statue ? " 
 
 " You won't be asked to do all that," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 
 
 *' I am being asked. You're asking me this 
 minute, and if I thought it would come off " 
 
 " As you think it won't you may as well join the 
 committee." 
 
 ** I won't be secretary," said the Major, " and I 
 won't have hand, act, or part, in asking the Lord- 
 Lieutenant to come here. We don't want him, for 
 one thing." 
 
 " You'll not be asked so much as to sign a paper," 
 said Dr. O'Grady. " If your name is required at the 
 bottom of any document I'll write it for you myself." 
 
 " I wish to goodness," said the Major, " that 
 Billing if that's the man's name had stayed in 
 America attending to his own business, whatever 
 it is, instead of coming here and starting all this 
 fuss. There'll be trouble before you've done, 
 O'Grady, more trouble than you care for. I wish 
 to God it was all well over."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 125 
 
 Nothing is more gratifying to the prophet of evil 
 than the fulfilment of his own prediction. When 
 the fulfilment follows hard on the prophecy, when 
 not more than half an hour separates them, the 
 prophet ought to be a very happy man. This was 
 Major Kent's case. He foretold trouble of the 
 most exasperating kind for Dr. O'Grady, and he 
 was immediately justified by the event. Unfor- 
 tunately he did not expect an immediate fulfilment 
 of his words. Therefore he turned round in his 
 chair and went to sleep again when the doctor left 
 him. If he had been sanguine enough to expect 
 that the doctor would be entangled in embarrass- 
 ments at once, he would probably have roused 
 himself. He would have followed Dr. O'Grady back 
 to Ballymoy and would have had the satisfaction 
 of gloating over the first of a long series of annoying 
 difficulties. But the Major, though confident that 
 trouble would come, had no hope that it would 
 begin as soon as it did. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady was riding back to Ballymoy on his 
 bicycle when he met Mrs. Ford, the wife of the 
 stipendiary magistrate. She was walking briskly 
 along the road which led out of the town. This 
 fact at once aroused a feeling of vague uneasiness 
 in the doctor's mind. Mrs. Ford was a stout lady 
 of more than fifty years of age. She always wore 
 clothes which seemed, and probably were, much too 
 tight for her. Her husband's position and income 
 entitled him to keep a pony trap, therefore Mrs.
 
 126 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Ford very seldom walked at all. Dr. O'Grady had 
 never before seen her walk quickly. It was plain, 
 too, that on this occasion Mrs. Ford was walking 
 for the mere sake of walking, a most unnatural 
 thing for her to do. The road she was on led no- 
 where except to Major Kent's house, several miles 
 away, and it was quite impossible to suppose that 
 she meant to call on him. She had, as Dr. O'Grady 
 knew, quarrelled seriously with Major Kent two 
 days earlier. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady, slightly anxious and very curious, 
 got off his bicycle and approached Mrs. Ford on 
 foot. He noticed at once that her face was purple 
 in colour. It was generally red, and the unaccus- 
 tomed exercise she was taking might account for 
 the darker shade. Dr. O'Grady, arriving within a 
 few yards of her, took off his hat very politely. The 
 purple of Mrs. Ford's face darkened ominously. 
 " Nice day," said Dr. O'Grady. "How's Mr. Ford ? " 
 Mrs. Ford acknowledged this greeting with a 
 stiff, scarcely perceptible bow. Dr. O'Grady real- 
 ised at once that she was angry, very seriously 
 angry about something. Under ordinary circum- 
 stances Mrs. Ford's anger would not have caused 
 Dr. O'Grady any uneasiness. She was nearly 
 always angry with someone, and however angry 
 she might be she would be obliged to call on Dr. 
 O'Grady for assistance if either she or her husband 
 fell ill. There was no other doctor in the neighbour- 
 hood. The simplest and easiest thing, under the
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 127 
 
 circumstances, would have been to pass on without 
 comment, and to wait patiently until Mrs. Ford 
 either caught influenza or was so deeply offended 
 with someone else as to forget her anger against 
 him. Society in small country towns is held to- 
 gether very largely by the fact that it is highly 
 inconvenient, if not actually impossible, to keep 
 two quarrels burning briskly at the same time. 
 When, a week or two before, Mrs. Ford had been 
 seriously angry with Mrs. Gregg, she confided her 
 grievances to Dr. O'Grady. Now that she was 
 annoyed with him she would be compelled to con- 
 done Mrs. Gregg's offence in order to tell her what 
 Dr. O'Grady had done. In due time, so Dr. O'Grady 
 knew, he would be forgiven in order that he might 
 listen to the story of the quarrel, which by that 
 time she would have picked with Ma j or Kent. There- 
 fore the doctor's first impulse was to imitate the 
 Levite in the parable, and, having looked at Mrs. 
 Ford with sympathy, to pass by on the other side. 
 
 But Dr. O'Grady was engaged in a great enter- 
 prise. He did not see how Mrs. Ford's anger could 
 make or mar the success of the Lord-Lieutenant's 
 visit to Ballymoy, but he could not afford to take 
 risks. No wise general likes to leave even a small 
 wood on the flank of his line of march without 
 discovering whether there is anything in it or not. 
 Dr. O'Grady determined to find out, if he could, 
 what Mrs. Ford was sulking about. 
 
 " I daresay you have heard," he said, " about the
 
 128 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Lord Lieutenant's visit to Ballymoy. The date 
 isn't fixed yet, but " 
 
 Mrs. Ford sniffed and walked on without speaking. 
 Dr. O'Grady was not the kind of man who is easily 
 baffled. He turned round and walked beside her. 
 
 " I needn't tell you," he said, " that the visit 
 may mean a good deal to Mr. Ford. We've all felt 
 for a long time that his services and ability entitle 
 him to some recognition from the Government." 
 
 Mrs. Ford was quite unmollified. She walked on 
 without looking round. She even walked a little 
 quicker than she had been walking before. This 
 was a foolish thing to do. She was a fat and 
 elderly lady. Some of her clothes, if not all of them, 
 were certainly too tight for her. The doctor was 
 young and in good condition. She could not 
 possibly hope to outstrip him in a race. 
 
 " My idea is," said Dr. O'Grady, " that when the 
 Lord-Lieutenant meets Mr. Ford and becomes 
 personally acquainted with him there's to be a 
 lunch, you know, in the hotel. A pretty good 
 lunch, the best Doyle can do. Well, I confidently 
 expect that when the Lord-Lieutenant finds out for 
 himself what an able and energetic man Mr. Ford 
 
 is After all, there are much nicer places than 
 
 Ballymoy, besides all the jobs there are going under 
 the Insurance Act, jolly well paid some of them, 
 and you'd like living in Dublin, wouldn't you, 
 Mrs. Ford ? " 
 
 Mrs, Ford stood still suddenly. She was evidently
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 129 
 
 going to say something. Dr. O'Grady waited. 
 He had to wait for some time, because the lady was 
 very much out of breath. At last she spoke. 
 
 " Dr. O'Grady," she said, " I believe in plain 
 speaking." 
 
 Neither Dr. O'Grady nor any one else in Ballymoy 
 doubted the truth of this. Nearly everybody had 
 been spoken to plainly by Mrs. Ford at one time 
 or another. Kerrigan, the butcher, was spoken 
 to with uncompromising plainness once a week, on 
 Saturday mornings. 
 
 "Quite right," said Dr. O'Grady, "there's 
 nothing like it." 
 
 " Then I may as well tell you," said Mrs. Ford, 
 " that I think it was due to my position however 
 much you may dislike me personally " 
 
 " I don't. On the contrary " 
 
 " Due to my position as the wife of the 
 
 resident magistrate that I, and not that Mrs. 
 Gregg, should have been invited to present the 
 bouquet to Lady Chesterton." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady gasped. Then he realised that he 
 had made a fearful blunder. 
 
 " Half an hour ago," said Mrs. Ford, " that 
 woman, who isn't even a lady, bounced into my 
 house, giggling, and told me to my face that you 
 had asked her " 
 
 " Silly little thing, isn't she ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " But of course, you have far too much sense to be 
 
 annoyed by anything she said." 
 
 I
 
 180 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Don't imagine for a moment," said Mrs. Ford, 
 " that I am vexed. The slight, although it was 
 evidently intentional, does not affect me in the least. 
 If you knew me a little better, Dr. O'Grady, you 
 would understand that I am not the sort of person 
 who cares about presenting bouquets." 
 
 " Of course not," said Dr O'Grady. " We quite 
 realized that. We understood that in your position, 
 as wife of the resident magistrate of the district, 
 the presentation of a bouquet would have been 
 infra dig. After all, what's a bouquet ? Poor 
 little Mrs. Gregg ! Of course it's great promotion 
 for her, and she's naturally a bit above herself. But 
 no one would dream of asking you to present a 
 bouquet. We have far too high a respect for Mr. 
 Ford's position." 
 
 " I think," said Mrs. Ford, " that I ought to have 
 been consulted." 
 
 " Didn't you get my letter ? " 
 
 " I got no letter whatever. The first news I 
 had of his Excellency's intention of visiting Bally- 
 moy came to me from that Mrs. Gregg half an hour 
 ago, when she rushed into my drawing-room with 
 her hair tumbling about her ears " 
 
 " That's the worst of Doyle. He means well, 
 but he's frightfully careless." 
 
 " What has Mr. Doyle to do with it ? " 
 
 " I gave him the letter to post. Did you really 
 not get it ? " 
 
 " I got no letter whatever."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 181 
 
 " I don't know what you must have thought of 
 us. I don't know what Mr. Ford must have thought. 
 I don't know how to apologise. But the first thing 
 
 we did, the very first Mrs. Gregg and the bouquet 
 
 were a mere afterthought, we just tacked her on 
 to the programme so that the poor little woman 
 wouldn't feel out of it. She is a silly little thing, you 
 know. Not more than a child after all. It was 
 better to humour her." 
 
 " What was in the letter which you say you 
 posted ? " said Mrs. Ford. 
 
 " I didn't say I posted it. I said Doyle forgot 
 to. It's in his pocket at this moment, I expect." 
 
 " What was in it ? " 
 
 " Can you ask ? There is only one thing which 
 could possibly be in it. It expresses the unanimous 
 wish of the committee the reception committee, 
 you know Major Kent's on it that you should 
 present an illuminated address of welcome to his 
 Excellency." 
 
 " If such a letter were really written " 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Ford ! But I don't ask you to 
 take my word for it. Just walk straight into Bally- 
 moy yourself. I'll stay here till you come back. 
 Go into the hotel. You'll find Doyle in his own 
 room drinking whisky and water with Thady 
 Gallagher. Don't say a word to him. Don't ask 
 him whether he was given a letter or not. Simply 
 put your hand into his breast pocket and take it 
 out."
 
 132 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Thank you," said Mrs. Ford. " I do not care to 
 have anything to do with Mr. Doyle when he is drunk." 
 
 " He won't be. Not at this hour It takes a 
 lot to make Doyle drunk." 
 
 " When the letter arrives, if it ever does, I shall 
 consult Mr. Ford as to what answer I shall give." 
 
 " I can tell you what he'll say beforehand," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " He'll realize the importance of the 
 illuminated address. He'll understand that it's 
 the thing and that the bouquet " 
 
 " Good-bye, Dr. O'Grady," said Mrs. Ford. 
 
 The doctor mounted his bicycle. His face was 
 very nearly as purple as Mrs. Ford's. He had, 
 with the greatest difficulty, survived a crisis. He 
 rode at top speed into Ballymoy and dismounted, 
 very hot, at the door of the hotel. It was shut. 
 He ran round to the back of the house and entered 
 the yard. Constable Moriarty and Mary Ellen 
 were sitting side by side on the wall of the pig stye. 
 They were sitting very close together. Moriarty 
 was whistling " Eileen Allannah " softly in Mary 
 Ellen's ear. 
 
 " Where's Mr. Doyle ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " As regards the visit of the Lord-Lieutenant," 
 said Constable Moriarty rousing himself and moving 
 a little bit away from Mary Ellen, " what I was 
 saying this minute to Mary Ellen was " 
 
 " Where's Mr. Doyle ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " He's within," said Mary Ellen. " Where else 
 would he be ? "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 133 
 
 " As regards the Lord-Lieutenant," said Con- 
 stable Moriarty, " and seeing that Mary Ellen might 
 be a near friend of the gentleman that the statue's 
 for " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady hurried through the back door. 
 He found Doyle sitting over account books in his 
 private-room. That was his way of spending 
 Sunday afternoon. 
 
 " A sheet of notepaper," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " Quick now, Doyle. I have my fountain pen, so 
 don't bother about ink." 
 
 " Where's the hurry ? " said Doyle 
 
 " There's every hurry." 
 
 He wrote rapidly, folded the letter, addressed 
 it to Mrs. Ford, and handed it to Doyle. 
 
 " Put that into your trousers' pocket," he said, 
 " and roll it round a few times. I want it to look 
 as if it had been there for two or three days." 
 
 " What's the meaning of this at all ? " said Doyle. 
 
 " Now get your hat. Go off as fast as you can 
 pelt to Mr. Ford's house. Give that letter to the 
 servant and tell her that you only found out this 
 afternoon that you'd forgotten to post it." 
 
 " Will you tell me ? " 
 
 " I'll tell you nothing till you're back. Go on now, 
 Doyle. Go at once. If you hurry you'll get to the 
 house before she does. She was two miles out of 
 the town when I left her and too exhausted to walk 
 fast. But if you do meet her remember that you 
 haven't seen me since yesterday. Have you got
 
 184 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 that clear in your head ? Very well. Off with 
 you. And, I say, I expect the letter will be looking 
 all right when you take it out again, but if it isn't 
 just rub it up and down the front of your trousers 
 for a while. I want it to be brownish and a good 
 deal crumpled. It won't do any harm if you blow 
 a few puffs of tobacco over it."
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 AN hour later Doyle entered the doctor's consulting 
 room. 
 
 " I have it done," he said. " I done what you 
 bid me ; but devil such a job ever I had as what it 
 was." Doyle had evidently suffered from some 
 strong emotion, anger perhaps, or terror. He felt 
 in his pocket as he spoke, and, finding that he had 
 no handkerchief, he wiped his forehead with the 
 back of his hand. He looked at his hand afterwards 
 and sighed. The hairs on the back of it were pasted 
 down with sweat. " Have you such a thing as a 
 drop of anything to drink in the house ? " 
 
 " I have not," said Dr. O'Grady. " How could I ? 
 Do you think I've lost all my self-respect ? Is it 
 likely I'd order another bottle of whisky out of your 
 shop when you're dunning me every day of my life 
 for the price of the last I got ? Tell me what 
 happened about the letter ? " 
 
 Doyle passed a parched tongue across his lips. 
 The inside of his mouth was quite dry. Extreme 
 nervous excitement often produces this effect. 
 
 " If it was even a cup of tea," he said, " it would 
 be better than nothing. I've a terrible thirst on me." 
 
 136
 
 186 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Sorry," said Dr. O'Grady," but I've no tea either. 
 Not a grain in the house since last Friday. I hope 
 this will be a lesson to you, Doyle, and will teach 
 you not to bullyrag your customers in future. 
 But I don't want to rub it in. Get on with your 
 story." 
 
 "It could be," said Doyle, "that there'd be 
 water in your pump. I'm not sure will I be able 
 to speak much without I drink something." 
 
 " The pump's all right," said Dr. O'Grady. " Just 
 sit where you are for a moment and I'll fetch you 
 some water. It may give you typhoid. I wouldn't 
 drink it myself without boiling it, but that's your 
 look out." 
 
 He left the room and returned a few minutes 
 later with a large tumbler of cold water. Doyle 
 looked at it mournfully. He knew perfectly well 
 that the doctor had both whisky and tea in the 
 house, but he recognised the impossibility of getting 
 either the one or the other. He raised the glass to 
 his mouth. 
 
 " Glory be to God," he said, " but it's the first 
 time I've wetted my lips with the same this twenty 
 years ! " 
 
 " It will do you a lot of good if it doesn't give you 
 typhoid," said Dr. O'Grady " How did you get 
 so frightfully thirsty ? " 
 
 The question was natural. Doyle drank the 
 whole tumbler of water at a draught. There was 
 no doubt that he had been very thirsty.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 137 
 
 " Will you tell me now," he said, " what had 
 that one in the temper she was in ? " 
 
 " Mrs. Ford," said Dr. O'Grady, " was annoyed 
 because she thought she wasn't going to be given 
 a chance of making herself agreeable to the Lord- 
 Lieutenant." 
 
 " If she speaks to the Lord-Lieutenant," said 
 Doyle, " after the fashion she was speaking to me, 
 it's likely that she'll not get the chance of making 
 herself agreeable to him a second time. Devil such 
 a temper I ever saw any woman in, and I've seen 
 some in my day." 
 
 " I knew she'd be a bit savage. I hoped you 
 wouldn't have met her." 
 
 " I did meet her. Wasn't she turning in at the 
 gate at the same time that I was myself ? ' There's 
 a letter here, ma'am,' says I, ' that the doctor told 
 me I was to give to you.' ' I suppose it was half 
 an hour ago,' said she, ' that he told you that.' 
 Well, I pulled the letter out of my pocket, and I 
 gave it a rub along the side of my pants the same 
 as you told me. ' I suppose you're doing that,' 
 said she, ' to put some dirt on it, to make it look,' 
 said she, ' as if it had been in your pocket a week.' " 
 
 " You wouldn't think to look at her that she 
 was so cute," said Dr. O'Grady. " What did you 
 say ? " 
 
 " I said nothing either good or bad," said Doyle* 
 " only that it was to get the dirt off of the letter, 
 and not to be putting it on that I was giving it a
 
 138 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 bit of a rub. Well, she took the letter and she 
 opened it. Then she looked me straight in the 
 face. ' When did you get this letter from the 
 doctor ? ' says she. So I told her it was last Friday 
 you give it to me, and that I hadn't seen you since, 
 and didn't care a great deal if I never seen you 
 again. ' You impudent blackguard,' says she, ' the 
 letter's not an hour written. The ink's not more 
 than just dry on it yet.' * I'm surprised,' said I, 
 * that's it that much itself. It's dripping wet I'd 
 expect it to be with the sweat I'm in this minute 
 on account of the way I've run to give it to you.' ' 
 
 "Good," said Dr. O'Grady. "If there was a 
 drop of whisky in the house I'd give it to you. I'll 
 look in a minute. There might be some left in the 
 bottom of the bottle. A man who can tell a lie 
 like that on the spur of the moment " 
 
 " It was true enough about the sweat," said 
 Doyle. " You could have wrung my shirt into a 
 bucket, though it wasn't running did it, for I didn't 
 run. It was the way she was looking at me. I'm 
 not overly fond of Mr. Ford, and never was ; but I 
 don't know did ever I feel as sorry for any man as 
 I did for him when she was looking at me." 
 
 The doctor rose and took a bottle of whisky from 
 the cupboard in the corner of the room. There 
 was enough in it to give Doyle a satisfactory drink 
 and still to leave some for the doctor himself. He 
 got another tumbler and two bottles of soda water 
 
 ** You needn't be opening one of them for me,"
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 139 
 
 said Doyle, " I have as much water drunk already 
 as would drown all the whisky you have in the 
 bottle. What I take now I'll take plain." 
 
 " She may be a bit sceptical about the letter," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " but I expect when she's talked 
 it over with Ford she'll see the sense of presenting 
 the illuminated address." 
 
 " Is it that one present the address ? Believe 
 you me, doctor, if she does the Lord-Lieutenant 
 won't be inclined for giving us the pier. The look 
 of her would turn a barrel of porter sour." 
 
 " She'll look quite different," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " when the time comes. After all, Ford has to 
 make the best of his opportunities like the rest of 
 us. He can't afford to allow his wife to scowl at 
 the Lord-Lieutenant." 
 
 " Was there no one else about the place, only 
 her ? " said Doyle. 
 
 " There were others, of course ; but the fact is, 
 Doyle, if we got her back up at the start her hus- 
 band would have written letters to Dublin Castle 
 crabbing the whole show. Those fellows up there 
 place extraordinary confidence in Resident Magis- 
 trates. They'd have been much more inclined to 
 believe him than either you or me. If Ford was to 
 set to work to spoil our show we'd probably not have 
 got the Lord-Lieutenant down here at all. That's 
 why I was so keen on your getting the letter to her 
 at once, and leaving her under the impression that 
 you'd had it in your pocket for two days."
 
 140 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Devil the sign of believing any such thing there 
 was about her when I left." 
 
 " She may come to believe it later on," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, "when she and Ford have had time to 
 talk the whole thing over together." 
 
 The doctor's servant came into the room while 
 he spoke. 
 
 " Constable Moriarty is outside at the door," she 
 said, " and he's wishing to speak with you. There's 
 a young woman along with him." 
 
 " Mary Ellen, I expect," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " He's upset in his mind about that same Mary 
 Ellen," said DoyJe, " ever since he heard she was 
 the niece of the General. It's day and night he's 
 round the hotel whistling all sorts and " 
 
 " You told me all about that before," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Bring him in, Bridgy, bring in the 
 pair of them, and let's hear what it is they want." 
 
 Constable Moriarty entered the room, followed 
 at a little distance by Mary Ellen. He led her 
 forward, and set her in front of Dr. O'Grady. He 
 looked very much as Touchstone must have looked 
 when he presented the rustic Audrey to the exiled 
 Duke as " a poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, 
 sir, but mine own " 
 
 " If you want a marriage license," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " you've come to the wrong man. Go 
 up to Father McCormack." 
 
 " I do not want a marriage license," said Con- 
 stable Moriarty, " for I'm not long enough in the
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 141 
 
 force to get leave to marry. And to do it without 
 leave is what I wouldn't care to risk." 
 
 " If you don't want to marry her," said Doyle, 
 " I'd be glad if you'd let her alone the way she'd 
 be able to do her work. It's upsetting her mind 
 you are with the way you're going on." 
 
 "Is it true what they tell me," said Moriarty, 
 " that the Lord-Lieutenant's coming to the town ? " 
 
 " I think we may say it is true," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " To open the statue you're putting up to the 
 General ? " 
 
 "'Open' isn't the word used about statues," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " but you've got the general 
 idea right enough." 
 
 " What I was saying to Mary Ellen," said 
 Moriarty, " is that seeing as she's the niece of the 
 General " 
 
 " She's no such thing," said Doyle, " and well 
 you know it." 
 
 " The doctor has it put out about her that she 
 is," said Moriarty, " and Mary Ellen's well enough 
 content. Aren't you, Mary Ellen ? " 
 
 " I am surely," said Mary Ellen. " Why wouldn't 
 I?" 
 
 " Look here, -Moriarty," said Dr. O'Grady. " If 
 you've got any idea into your head that there's a 
 fortune either large or small coming to Mary Ellen 
 out of this business you're making a big mistake." 
 
 " I wasn't thinking any such thing," said Moriarty, 
 " Don't I know well enough it's only talk ? "
 
 142 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " It will be as much as we can possibly do," said 
 Dr. O'Grady, " to pay for the statue and the inci- 
 dental expenses. Pensioning off Mary Ellen after- 
 wards is simply out of the question." 
 
 44 Let alone that she doesn't deserve a pension," 
 said Doyle, 4 ' and wouldn't get one if we were 
 wading up to our knees in sovereigns." 
 
 4 ' So you may put it out of your head that Mary 
 Ellen will make a penny by it," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " It wasn't that I was thinking of at all," said 
 Moriarty, " for I know you couldn't do it. My 
 notion what I was saying to Mary Ellen a minute 
 ago is that if the Lord-Lieutenant was to be told 
 at the time that he'd be looking at the statue 
 whenever that might be that Mary Ellen was the 
 niece of the General " 
 
 44 If you're planning out a regular court presen- 
 tation for Mary Ellen," said Dr. O'Grady, 44 the 
 thing can't be done. No one here is in a position 
 to present anyone else because we have none of 
 us been presented ourselves. Besides, it wouldn't 
 be the least use to her if she was presented. The 
 Lord-Lieutenant wouldn't take her on as an upper 
 housemaid or anything of that sort merely because 
 she'd been presented to him as General John Regan's 
 niece." 
 
 44 It wasn't .a situation for Mary Ellen I was 
 thinking of," said Moriarty. 
 
 44 In the name of God," said Doyle, 44 will you 
 tell us what it is you have in your mind ? "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 148 
 
 " What I was thinking," said Moriarty, " was 
 that if the matter was represented to the Lord- 
 Lieutenant in a proper manner about Mary Ellen 
 being the General's niece and all to that he might, 
 maybe see his way to making me a sergeant. It 
 was that I was saying to you, Mary Ellen, wasn't 
 it, now ? " 
 
 " It was," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " The idea of trotting out Mary Ellen on the 
 occasion isn't at all a bad one," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " I'll see what can be done about it." 
 
 " I'm obliged to you," said Moriarty. 
 
 " But I don't promise that you'll be made a ser- 
 geant, mind that now." 
 
 " Sure I know you couldn't promise that," said 
 Moriarty. " But you'll do the best you can. Come 
 along now, Mary Ellen. It's pretty near time for 
 me to be going on patrol, and the sergeant will 
 check me if I'm late." 
 
 " There's something in that idea of Moriarty's," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, when he and Doyle were alone again. 
 
 " I don't see what good will come of it," said 
 Doyle, " and I'm doubting whether Thady Gal 
 lagher will be pleased. Mary Ellen's mother was a 
 cousin of his own." 
 
 " She's a good-looking girl," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 "If we had her cleaned up a bit and a nice dress 
 put on her she'd look rather well standing at the 
 foot of the statue. I expect the Lord-Lieutenant 
 would be pleased to see her."
 
 144 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 ** And who'd be getting the lunch for the Lord- 
 Lieutenant," said Doyle, " when Mary Ellen would 
 be playing herself ? " 
 
 " We'll get someone to manage the lunch all 
 right. The great thing for us is to be sure of making 
 a good general impression on the Lord-Lieutenant, 
 and I think Mary Ellen would help. I daresay 
 you've never noticed it, Doyle it would be hard 
 for you when she will not wash her face but she 
 really is a good-looking girl. The Lord-Lieutenant 
 will want something of the sort to look at after he's 
 faced Mrs. Ford and her illuminated address. She's 
 not exactly " 
 
 " The man that would run away with that one," 
 said Doyle vindictively, *' would do it in the dark 
 if he did it at all." 
 
 " Besides," said Dr. O'Grady, " we ought to think 
 of poor little Mary Ellen herself. It'll be a great 
 day for her, and she'll enjoy having a new dress." 
 
 " Who's to pay for the dress ? " said Doyle. 
 
 ** The dress will be paid for out of the general 
 funds. I'll ask Mrs. Gregg to see about having it 
 made. She has remarkably good taste. I'll tell 
 her not to get anything very expensive, so you 
 need not worry about that. And now, Doyle, unless 
 there's anything else you want to settle with me at 
 once, I think I'll write our invitation to the Lord- 
 Lieutenant." 
 
 " It would be as well if you did," said Doyle, " so 
 as we'd know whether he's coming or not."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 145 
 
 " Oh, he'll come. If he boggles at it at all I'll 
 go up to Dublin and see him myself. A short 
 
 verbal explanation We'll let him choose his 
 
 own date." 
 
 Doyle lit his pipe and walked back to the hotel. 
 He found Thady Gallagher waiting for him in his 
 private room. 
 
 " What's this I'm after hearing," said Gallagher, 
 " about the Lord-Lieutenant ? " 
 
 " He's coming down here," said Doyle, " to open 
 the new statue.'* 
 
 He spoke firmly, for he detected a note of dis- 
 pleasure in the tone in which Thady Gallagher asked 
 this question. 
 
 " I don't know," said Gallagher, " would I be 
 altogether in favour of that." 
 
 " And why not ? Mustn't there be some one to 
 open it ? And mightn't it as well be him as 
 another ? " 
 
 " It might not as well be him." 
 
 44 Speak out, Thady, what have you against the 
 man ? " 
 
 * 4 I'm a good Nationalist," said Gallagher, 44 and 
 I always was, and my father before me was the same." 
 
 44 I'm that myself," said Doyle. 
 
 44 And I'm opposed to flunkeyism, whether it's 
 the flunkeyism of the rent office or " 
 
 44 Well, and if you are, isn't it the same with all 
 of us ? " 
 
 44 What I say is this," said Gallagher, " as long 
 
 K
 
 146 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 as the people of Ireland is denied the inalienable 
 right of managing their own affairs I'd be opposed 
 to welcoming into our midst the emissaries of Dublin 
 Castle, and I'd like to know, so I would, what the 
 people of this locality will be saying to the man 
 that's false to his principles and goes back on the 
 dearest aspirations of our hearts ? " 
 
 He glared quite fiercely while he spoke, but Doyle 
 remained serenely unimpressed. 
 
 " Talk sense now, Thady," he said. " Nobody'll 
 say a word without it'd be yourself and you making 
 a speech at the time. It's for the good of the town 
 that we're getting him down here." 
 
 " What good ? " said Gallagher, " tell me that 
 now, What good will come of the like ? " 
 
 Doyle was unwilling to confide the whole pier 
 scheme to Gallagher. He contented himself with 
 a vague reply. 
 
 " There's many a thing," he said, " that would be 
 for the good of the town that might be got if it was 
 represented properly to the Lord-Lieutenant." 
 
 " If I thought that," said Gallagher, " I might " 
 
 He was in a difficult position. He did not want 
 to quarrel with Doyle, who provided him with a 
 good deal of bottled porter, but he did not want 
 to identify himself with a public welcome to the 
 Lord Lieutenant, because he had hopes of becoming 
 a Member of Parliament. The idea of conferring a 
 benefit on the town attracted him as offering a 
 way out of his difficulty.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 147 
 
 " I might " he repeated slowly. " I wouldn't 
 
 say but it's possible that I might." 
 
 " And you will," said Doyle soothingly, " you 
 will." 
 
 " I'll not be a party to any address of welcome 
 from the Urban District Council," said Gallagher 
 
 " We wouldn't ask it of you. Doesn't everybody 
 know that you wouldn't consent to it ? " 
 
 " It's the Major put you up to it," said Gallagher. 
 
 " It was not then." 
 
 " If it wasn't him it was Mr. Ford, the R.M." 
 
 " If you'd seen Mrs. Ford when she heard of it," 
 said Doyle, " you wouldn't be saying that. Tell 
 me this now, Thady. Have you your speech ready 
 for the meeting on Tuesday ? Everybody's saying 
 you'll be making a grand one." 
 
 " I haven't it what you'd call rightly ready," 
 said Gallagher, " but I have it so as it will be ready 
 when the time comes." 
 
 " It's you the people will be wanting to hear," 
 said Doyle. " It's you they'd rather be listening 
 to than any other one even if he was a member of 
 Parliament. It's my opinion, Thady, and there's 
 more than me that says it it's my opinion there's 
 better men that isn't in Parliament than some that 
 is. I'll say no more presently ; but some day 
 I'll be doing more than say it."
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 THE public meeting was a very great success, in 
 spite of the absence of the Members of Parliament, 
 who certainly gave poor value for their salaries. 
 The town band, headed by young Kerrigan, who 
 played the cornet, paraded the streets for half-an- 
 hour before the meeting. It played " The Bonnie, 
 Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond " three times over, 
 "The Boys of Wexf ord " twice, and "God Save 
 Ireland " four times. This served to remind the 
 people that something of an interesting and patriotic 
 kind was going to happen. A band is much more 
 effective in attracting public attention than a town 
 crier, and it ought, one may suppose, to arrange a 
 kind of code of tunes by means of which people 
 would be able to tell at once without verbal inquiry 
 what sort of event was intended. For an auction 
 of household furniture, for instance, a thing which 
 takes place when a family leaves the locality, the 
 band might play " The Harp that once through 
 Tara's Halls.'* Everybody would recognise the 
 appropriateness of the words about the banquet hall 
 deserted, and the departure of the people who had 
 used it For the other kind of auction, that at which 
 
 148
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 149 
 
 the cows of men who refuse to pay their rents are 
 sold, " God Save Ireland " would be suitable, and 
 any one who heard it would know that though he 
 might attend the auction he had better not bid. 
 An ingenious musician would have no difficulty in 
 finding tunes which would suggest the presentation 
 of illuminated addresses to curates or bank managers. 
 Meetings convened for the purpose of expressing 
 confidence in the Members of Parliament, of either 
 the Nationalist or the Unionist parties, would 
 naturally be announced by a performance of Handel's 
 fine song " Angels ever Bright and Fair." There 
 might be a difficulty about unusual events like the 
 erection of statues, but a tune might be kept 
 for them which would at all events warn people not 
 to expect an auction, a presentation or a political 
 meeting. 
 
 Nearly half the people who were doing business 
 in the fair assembled at three o'clock in the square 
 outside Doyle's hotel. According to the estimate 
 printed afterwards in the Connacht Eagle there 
 were more than two thousand persons present. Of 
 these at least twenty listened to all the speeches 
 that were made. The number of those who heard 
 parts of some of the speeches was much larger, 
 amounting probably to sixty, for there was a good 
 deal of coming and going, of moving in and out 
 of the group round the speakers. The rest of the 
 audience stood about in various parts of the square. 
 Men talked to each other on the interesting questions
 
 150 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 of the price of cattle and the prospects of a change 
 in the weather. Women stood together with parcels 
 in their hands and looked at each other without 
 talking at all. But every one was so far interested 
 in the speeches as to join in the cheers when anything 
 which ought to be cheered was said. The twenty 
 stalwart listeners who stood out all the speeches 
 attended to what was said and started the cheers 
 at the proper moments. The stragglers who, hearing 
 only a sentence or two now and then, were liable 
 to miss points, took up the cheers which were started. 
 The mass of the men, those who were talking about 
 cattle, very courteously stopped their conversations 
 and joined in whenever they heard a cheer beginning. 
 There was, so Gallagher said in the next issue of 
 the Connacht Eagle, an unmistakable and most 
 impressive popular enthusiasm for General John 
 Regan. 
 
 Father McCormack, standing on a chair borrowed 
 from Doyle's Hotel, opened the proceedings. He 
 said that Ireland had always been famed for its 
 hospitality to strangers and its courtesy to women. 
 He hoped that it always would be. Looking round 
 on the faces of the men gathered in front of him, 
 he felt quite certain that it always would be. Mr. 
 Billing, who was to address the meeting that day, 
 was a stranger, a very distinguished stranger, one 
 whose name was a household word wherever the 
 deeds of General John Regan were remembered, 
 one whose name would be still better known when
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 151 
 
 his forthcoming life of the General appeared. He 
 was proud and pleased to extend to Mr. Billing on 
 behalf of the audience a hearty Cead Mille Failthe. 
 He hoped that Mr. Billing would carry back with him 
 a pleasant recollection of Irish hospitality when he 
 returned to 
 
 Here Father McCormack hesitated and looked 
 round. Dr. O'Grady, who was standing behind 
 him, whispered the word " Bolivia." Father Mc- 
 Cormack repeated the word " Bolivia " aloud and 
 everybody cheered. Father McCormack moistened 
 his lips and went on to say that Mr. Billing was not a 
 woman, but Irish courtesy, though always extended 
 to women, was not confined to women. In the name 
 of the audience he promised Mr. Billing some Irish 
 courtesy. 
 
 A further reference to Mr. Billing's literary work 
 gave Father McCormack an opportunity of warning 
 his audience against Sunday newspapers published 
 in England, which, he said, reeked of the gutter and 
 were horribly subversive of faith and morals. Ire- 
 land, he added, had newspapers of her own which 
 no one need be ashamed or afraid to read. As an 
 evidence of the confidence he felt in the elevating 
 character of Irish newspapers he called upon Mr. 
 Thaddeus Gallagher, the distinguished editor of 
 the Connacht Eagle, to address the meeting. 
 Then with the assistance of Dr. O'Grady, he stepped 
 off the chair. Having reached the ground safely 
 he sat down on the chair. He had a perfect right
 
 152 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 to do this, because he was chairman of the meeting ; 
 but a slight delay followed. Another chair had to 
 be brought from the hotel for Gallagher to stand 
 on. 
 
 Gallagher's speech was an eloquent paraphrase 
 of the leading article which Dr. O'Grady had written 
 for him the previous week. Once or twice he broke 
 away from his original and said some very good 
 things about the land question and Home Rule. 
 But he always got back to Emmet, O'Connell, or 
 one of the other patriots mentioned by Dr. O'Grady. 
 Now and then, in a very loud tone, he said the name 
 of General John Regan. Whenever he did so the 
 audience was greatly pleased. He ended by an- 
 nouncing the names of the gentlemen who were to 
 form " The Statue Committee." Father McCormack 
 came first on the list. Mr. Billing was second. 
 Major Kent, Dr. O'Grady, Doyle and Gallagher 
 himself made up the number. He said that it was 
 unnecessary for him to say anything about the 
 fitness of these gentlemen for the high and responsible 
 position to which they were being elected by the 
 unanimous voice of their fellow countrymen. 
 
 Gallagher descended from his perch, but he was 
 not allowed to sit down. He wanted to, because 
 sitting down is a far more dignified way of ending 
 a speech than slouching into the background. It 
 was Doyle who interfered with him. 
 
 " Get up out of that, Thady," he said. " Don't 
 you know the chair's wanted for the American
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 153 
 
 gentleman ? How is he to make a speech if you 
 don't give him something to stand on ? " 
 
 Gallagher, who had not actually succeeded in 
 sitting down, left his chair with a protest. 
 
 " It would suit you better to be getting another 
 chair," he said. 
 
 " It would not," said Doyle. " Would you have 
 all the chairs that's in it brought out to the street ? " 
 
 Mr. Billing stood up and smiled pleasantly. 
 Father McCormack's exhortation had its effect. 
 More than forty people gathered to hear what the 
 stranger had to say. This was courtesy. The 
 hospitality, it was presumed, had already been 
 shown by Doyle. Gallagher, who still had hopes of 
 finding out something about General John Regan, 
 and Dr. O'Grady, who was equally anxious to 
 hear the speech, leaned forward eagerly. Father 
 McCormack crossed his legs and settled himself as 
 comfortably as possible in his chair. 
 
 Mr. Billing proved a disappointment as a speaker. 
 The substance of what he said was quite admirable, 
 but he only spoke for five minutes. Now an audience, 
 even if it is not listening and does not want to listen, 
 is apt to complain that it is treated with a want of 
 respect if a speaker gives it no more than five 
 minutes. 
 
 " I reckon," said Mr. Billing, " that what's re- 
 quired of me is not oratory but dollars." 
 
 This was true but nude. In Ireland we have a 
 sure instinct in such matters, and we know that the
 
 154 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 nude is never decent. We like everything, especi- 
 ally Truth, to have clothes on. 
 
 " Five hundred dollars is the amount that I'm 
 prepared to hand over to your treasurer. As I 
 understand, gentlemen, your doctor has secured 
 the services of the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland to 
 unveil the statue. We don't figure much on fancy 
 titles on our side, but I guess it's different here, 
 and your doctor is a smart man. I may not see 
 that Lord-Lieutenant, gentlemen, and I may not 
 see the statue. I shall be researching in the prin- 
 cipal libraries of the continent of Europe for docu- 
 ments bearing on the life of the great general. 
 Whether I am here or not will depend on the date 
 which that Lord-Lieutenant and your doctor fix 
 up between them. But I'll be along for the occasion 
 if I can." 
 
 The first sentence of Mr. Billing's speech was 
 indecently nude. The remainder of it was offensively 
 bald. There was once an elderly and cantankerous 
 farm labourer who complained that he could not hear 
 the curate when he preached. He was on the next 
 occasion set in the forefront of the congregation and 
 the curate spoke directly into his ear. The old man 
 was unable to say that he did not hear, but he main- 
 tained an aggrieved attitude. " I heard him," he 
 complained afterwards, " but what good was it to 
 me ? What I want is to have the Gospel druv well 
 home to my soul." The feeling of most audiences 
 is very much the same as his was. Unadorned
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 155 
 
 statements of fact, or what is meant to be taken as 
 fact, do not satisfy them. They like to have some- 
 thing, fact or fiction, driven thunderously home into 
 their souls. The only one of Mr. Billing's hearers who 
 was thoroughly well satisfied with his speech was 
 Doyle. The statement that 500 dollars were to be 
 handed over to him was, in his judgment, of more 
 value than many resonant periods. 
 
 But the Irish courtesy, praised by Father McCor- 
 mack, prevailed against the general feeling of dis- 
 appointment. When Mr. Billing ceased speaking 
 there was a moment of doubtful silence. No one 
 quite realised that he had really stopped. He had 
 indeed descended from his chair, and, except for the 
 top of his head, was invisible to most of the audience. 
 But everyone expected him to get up again and start 
 fresh. It seemed quite incredible that a public 
 speaker, with an audience ready found for him, could 
 possibly throw away a valuable opportunity and 
 content himself with a simple five minutes of plain 
 talk. It was not until Father McCormack rose from 
 his chair with a sigh and began to make his way to- 
 wards his presbytery that the people understood 
 that the meeting was really at an end. Then they 
 cheered quite- heartily. Mr. Billing crossed the 
 square and walked over towards the hotel. He 
 smiled and nodded right and left as he went. An 
 outburst of cheering pursued him through the door. 
 
 Sergeant Colgan and Constable Moriarty had stood 
 during the speeches in a quiet corner near their
 
 156 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 barrack. When Father McCormack went home 
 and Mr. Billing entered the hotel, they marched 
 with great dignity up and down through the people. 
 They looked as if they expected some one to start a 
 riot. It is the duty of the police in Ireland on all 
 occasions of public meetings to look as if there 
 might be a riot, and as if they are quite prepared to 
 quell it when it breaks out. It is in this way that 
 they justify their existence as a large armed force. 
 
 Occasionally Sergeant Colgan spoke a word of 
 kindly advice to anyone who looked as if he had 
 drunk more than two bottles of porter. 
 
 " It would be as well for you, Patsy," he would 
 say, " to be getting along home." 
 
 Or, " I'm thinking, Timothy John, that you'd be 
 better this minute if you were at home." 
 
 There are no stronger believers in the value of the 
 domestic hearth than the police. They always want 
 everyone to go home. 
 
 No one, least of all the individuals who received 
 the advice personally, was inclined to leave the 
 square. The meeting might be over, but there was 
 still hope that young Kerrigan would muster the 
 town band again and play " The Bonnie, Bonnie 
 Banks of Loch Lomond " once or twice more. He 
 did not do so, but the waiting people were rewarded 
 for their patience by two events of some interest. 
 Mr. Gregg came out of the barrack and crossed the 
 square rapidly. He caught Dr. O'Grady and Major 
 Kent just as they were turning to follow Mr. Billing
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 157 
 
 into the hotel. Mr. Gregg was in uniform, and the 
 determined way in which he took Dr. O'Grady by the 
 arm would have made most people uncomfortable. 
 It is not pleasant, even if your conscience is quite 
 clear, to be grabbed suddenly by a police officer in 
 the middle of the street. But Dr. O'Grady did not 
 seem to mind. He went, though not very willingly, 
 with Mr. Gregg into the police barrack. Major Kent 
 followed them. Several men, perhaps a dozen, 
 drifted across the square towards the barrack door. 
 They had some hope of finding out what Mr. Gregg 
 wanted with the doctor. They were not, however, 
 given the opportunity of peering through the barrack 
 windows. Sergeant Colgan saw them in good time 
 and dispersed them at once. 
 
 " Get along home now out of that," he said, 
 " every one of yez." 
 
 Then another event of great interest occurred. 
 Mr. Billing backed his large motor car along the lane 
 which led from Doyle's back yard, and emerged into 
 the square. There the car growled angrily while 
 he shifted the levers and twisted the steering wheel. 
 The people scattered this way and that while the 
 machine, darting backwards and forwards, was 
 gradually turned round. A splendid burst of cheer- 
 ing pursued him when he finally sped down the street 
 and disappeared. It was understood by those who 
 heard his speech that he had gone off at more than 
 twenty miles an hour to ransack the great European 
 libraries for information about General John Regan.
 
 158 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Everyone felt that the splendid eagerness of his 
 departure reflected a glory on Ballymoy. 
 
 Mr. Gregg led Dr. O'Grady and Major Kent into 
 his office. He shut the door, offered his two guests 
 chairs, and then lit a cigarette. 
 
 " It's rather an awkward business," he said, " and 
 perhaps I oughtn't to say anything about it." 
 
 " If it hasn't anything to do with me personally," 
 said the Major, " I think I'll leave you and the doctor 
 to settle it together. I want to get home as soon as 
 I can." 
 
 " Well, it does affect you more or less," said Mr. 
 Gregg. " But of course you'll regard anything 
 I say to you now as strictly confidential." 
 
 "Out with it, Gregg," said Dr. O'Grady. "I 
 know by the look in your eye that you can't pos- 
 sibly keep it to yourself, whatever it is. You're 
 simply bursting to tell it, whatever it is, whether 
 we promise to keep it secret or not." 
 
 " All the same," said Gregg, " it wouldn't suit 
 my book to have it generally known that I told you. 
 That fellow Ford is a vindictive sort of beast." 
 
 " Oh, it's Ford, is it ? " said Dr. O'Grady. " I 
 was afraid he might turn nasty. What an ass he is ! 
 Why can't he see that we're giving him the chance 
 of his life ? " 
 
 " He's doing his best to put a spoke in your wheel, 
 O'Grady." 
 
 " Has he got anything against the statue ? " 
 
 " Not exactly the statue."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 159 
 
 " Or found out anything discreditable about the 
 General ? " 
 
 The doctor asked this question a little anxiously. 
 
 " No," said Gregg. " I don't think he knows a 
 thing about the General. He asked me this morning 
 who he was." 
 
 " Look here, O'Grady," said the Major. " You'd 
 far better drop this whole business. What's the good 
 of going on with it ? A joke's a joke all right, but 
 there's no use pushing things too far." 
 
 " What Ford's trying to do," said Gregg, "is to 
 crab the Lord-Lieutenant part of the business. I 
 thought I'd better tell you, so that you'd know 
 exactly how things stand." 
 
 " You've not told me much, so far," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " What's Ford's particular line ? " 
 
 " I expect he has more than one card up his 
 sleeve," said Gregg, " but what he said to me this 
 morning was that you couldn't possibly have the 
 Lord-Lieutenant down here for any kind of public 
 function unless " 
 
 "Can't I?" said Dr. O'Grady. "As it just 
 happens I have a letter in my pocket this minute 
 It came by the midday post, just before the meeting, 
 and I haven't shown it to anyone yet. He's coming 
 this day fortnight, and will unveil the statue with 
 the greatest pleasure." 
 
 " That settles it," said the Major, " you'll have to 
 drop it now, whether you want to or not. You can't 
 possibly have a statue ready by this day fortnight."
 
 160 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Fork's point," said Gregg "and there's some- 
 thing in it, you know is that the Lord -Lieutenant 
 can't attend a public function unless ' God Save the 
 King ' is played when he arrives. He simply must 
 have that tune on account of his position. That's 
 what Ford says, anyhow. And I'm inclined to think 
 he's right. It always is played, I know." 
 
 " Well," said Dr. O'Grady, " we'll play it." 
 
 " You can't," said the Major. " If you attempt to 
 get the town band to play * God Save the King ' " 
 
 " I don't think you can really," said Gregg. " I 
 know you have a lot of influence with these fellows, 
 but that blackguard Gallagher would get their backs 
 up and " 
 
 " There'll be a riot," said the Major. 
 
 " There'll be no riot whatever," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " if the thing's managed properly." 
 
 " It's your affair, of course," said Gregg, *' but 
 I don't particularly want to have you going about 
 under police protection, and that's what you'll be 
 doing if Thady Gallagher catches you corrupting 
 the Nationalist principles of the people of Ballymoy 
 by teaching the town band to play ' God Save the 
 King.' " 
 
 This threat seemed to produce a certain effect on 
 Dr. O'Grady. He sat silent for nearly a minute. 
 Then he asked Gregg for a cigarette, lit it, and 
 smoked thoughtfully. 
 
 " I say, Gregg," he said at last, " how many 
 people are there in Ballymoy, do you think, who
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 161 
 
 would recognise ' God Save the King ' if it was played 
 suddenly when they weren't expecting it ? " 
 
 " Oh lots," said Gregg, " lots." 
 
 " You would, I suppose," said Dr. O'Grady, " and 
 the Major would. Ford would, I suppose. Father 
 McCormack might. What about your police ? " 
 
 " The sergeant might think it was ' Auld Lang 
 Syne,' " said Gregg, " he has no ear whatever. 
 But Moriarty would know it the minute he heard it." 
 
 44 Moriarty might be made to keep his mouth shut," 
 said Dr. O'Grady. " You could threaten him." 
 
 44 Your idea," said Gregg, 4< is to spring it on the 
 town band under some other name and have it 
 played as if " 
 
 44 I'd tell them that it was one of Moore's Melodies." 
 
 44 No good," said Gregg. " Far too many people 
 know it. Even if you shut up Moriarty in a cell 
 between this and then " 
 
 44 The thing for you to do, O'Grady," said the Major 
 bitterly, " is to get a version of ' God Save the King ' 
 with variations. I once heard ' Home, Sweet Home ' 
 done that way, and it was all I could do to make 
 out what tune it was meant to be." 
 
 44 That's probably meant to be sarcastic," said 
 Dr. O'Grady, " but it's not at all a bad idea. I've 
 heard 4 Home, Sweet Home ' done that way, and I 
 
 know exactly how it goes. 4 Turn turn tiddle 
 
 adle diddle turn turn twee 'Mid pleasures and 
 palaces Tiddle tiddle turn tiddle rat a ti 
 tee too though we may roam.' Just as you 
 
 L
 
 162 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 think that you're going to recognise the tune it 
 kind of fades away and you're left with the im- 
 pression that small dogs are chasing each other up 
 and down the piano. I don't see why something 
 of the same kind mightn't be done with * God Save 
 the King.' The Lord-Lieutenant would be quite 
 satisfied, because he'd think we were always just 
 going to begin and probably come to the conclusion 
 in the end it was the fault of the band that the tune 
 never quite came off. On the other hand Gallagher, 
 whatever suspicions he might have, couldn't possibly 
 swear that we were playing anything objectionable. 
 I wonder if there's a version of ' God Save the King ' 
 with variations to be got anywhere." 
 
 " Never heard of one," said Gregg. 
 
 "I'll write to-night," said Dr. O'Grady. "If 
 there isn't such a thing I might work one up myself. 
 It can't be very difficult." 
 
 " That will be just what's wanted," said the 
 Major, " to ensure the success of the day. A 
 musical composition of yours, O'Grady, played by 
 our own town band, will be quite likely to distract 
 the Lord-Lieutenant's attention from the fact 
 that there's no statue here for him to unveil." 
 
 " You won't mind my using your piano, Major," 
 said Dr. O'Grady. " I haven't got one of my own, 
 and I'll have to strum it out for a bit before I get 
 it into shape for the band." 
 
 " It'll be a score off Ford," said Gregg, " if you 
 succeed. But I don't expect you will."
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 
 INFLEXIBLE determination is one of the qualities 
 which the truly great leader of men shares with the 
 domestic pig ; though in the case of the pig it is 
 generally spoken of as obstinacy. But the leader 
 General, Prime Minister or Captain of Industry 
 is distinguished from the pig by a certain intellectual 
 suppleness which makes his obstinacy a more 
 effective though less showy thing. The pig, being 
 determined to go his own way, has no better idea 
 than to tug desperately against the rope which is 
 tied round his ankle. He tugs unwaveringly up to 
 the very last moment, but in the end he is beaten 
 because his master, having at command stout 
 sticks and other instruments of torture, is stronger 
 than he is. It is noble and heroic of the pig to 
 persist in refusing to recognise that merely tugging 
 the opposite way is no use to him. The great 
 commander is wiser and in reality no less noble. 
 He realizes very early that destiny, armed with 
 whips and goads, has a rope round his leg. He tugs, 
 but when he finds that the rope will not break and 
 that the whip cuts cruelly, he stops tugging and 
 goes about to outwit destiny. Pretending to yield 
 
 163
 
 164 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 to the pull of the rope, he succeeds at last in getting 
 his own way. 
 
 Thus a general, faced by a hostile army, securely 
 entrenched on the opposite bank of a deep river, 
 does not make more than one attempt to swim his 
 men across in the face of a concentrated rifle fire. 
 The pig would make several attempts, would go on 
 trying until he had no soldiers left, because he 
 would feel that the only thing really worth doing 
 was to assert himself against the confident foe. 
 But the general, when he has lost enough men to 
 convince him of the impossibility of a frontal attack 
 by swimming, stops trying it and adopts another 
 plan. He sees not only the insolent flags which 
 wave upon the opposite bank, but the far off end 
 of the campaign. He is not less determined than 
 the pig would be to chastise the foe which is thwarting 
 him, but he sees that this can be done quite as 
 effectually by occupying the enemy's capital as by 
 the mere winning of a battle. He understands that 
 it is good to sacrifice the immediate for the sake 
 of the ultimate object. He gives up the idea of 
 fighting his way across and sends out scouts to dis- 
 cover the source of the river. When he finds it 
 he leaves part of his army to watch the enemy 
 while the other part marches round the end of the 
 river and enters the enemy's chief stronghold from 
 the back. Thus he gains his object and establishes 
 his character for determination without losing half 
 his army
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 165 
 
 Dr. Lucius O'Grady was a born leader of men. 
 He discovered very soon that in the matter of the 
 performance of " God Save the King " by the town 
 band, fate had a rope round his leg and was likely 
 to scourge him uncomfortably if he pulled against 
 it. The introduction of variations into the tune 
 proved to be a much more difficult matter than 
 he had supposed. He worked hard for six hours 
 on Major Kent's piano, and produced two versions 
 of which he thought well, though neither of them 
 completely satisfied him. He sent for Constable 
 Moriarty and played them over to him. Moriarty 
 sat and listened to the first. 
 
 " Would you know what that tune was, 
 Moriarty ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " I would, of course. Anybody would. I don't 
 say but there's bits in it that isn't right, but you 
 have the tune safe enough." 
 
 " Would Thady Gallagher know it ? " 
 
 " He would," said Moriarty, " and what's more 
 he'd be lepping mad when he heard it. And you 
 couldn't wonder. You wouldn't like it yourself, 
 doctor, if somebody was to play a tune at you that 
 you hated worse nor you hate the devil." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady -was disappointed. 
 
 " Are you sure now," he said, " that he wouldn't 
 be taken in by the variations ? I don't know 
 whether you quite realize the number of variations 
 there are ? Just listen to me again." 
 
 He played his composition through once more,
 
 166 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 touching the notes which gave the tune very softly, 
 hammering hard at the long runs and fiery groups 
 of semi-quavers which he had sandwiched in between 
 the scraps of tune. 
 
 " I wouldn't say," said Moriarty, " that you've 
 destroyed it altogether ; though it's my opinion 
 that it's better the way it was before you set your 
 hand to it. But anyhow you needn't be uneasy. 
 There isn't a man, woman or child that ever heard 
 the tune but would know what you're aiming at." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady felt that Moriarty's judgment in the 
 matter was too decisive and confident to be ignored. 
 
 " Very well," he said. " Now listen to this." 
 
 He played through the second of his two com- 
 positions. 
 
 " Now," he said, " what tune is that, Moriarty ? " 
 
 Moriarty scratched his head and looked inquiringly 
 at the doctor. 
 
 " Is it what tune is that that you're asking me ? " 
 he said. 
 
 " Exactly. What tune is it ? " 
 
 " It's no tune at all," said Moriarty. 
 
 " Do you mean to say you don't recognise it ? " 
 
 " I do not, and what's more nobody could. For 
 there's no tune in it, only noise." 
 
 The doctor hesitated. Moriarty's opinion was 
 in one respect quite satisfactory. Neither Gallagher 
 nor any one else in Ballymoy was likely to recognise 
 the tune. It might, of course, fail to impress the 
 Lord-Lieutenant as being quite the proper thing.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 167 
 
 But that was a difficulty which could be got over. 
 The Lord-Lieutenant was not likely to listen very 
 attentively, and if he were told definitely that the 
 band was playing " God Save the King " he might 
 possibly believe it. 
 
 " I'm thinking," said Dr. O'Grady, " of teaching 
 that piece of music to the town band." 
 
 " It'll fail you to do that," said Moriarty. 
 
 " I don't see why." 
 
 " You can try it," said Moriarty, " but you'll 
 not be able. Anything those fellows could play, 
 I'd be able to whistle, and if it's what I couldn't 
 whistle they'll not be able to play it." 
 
 " You could whistle that all right if you tried." 
 
 " I could not. Nor I couldn't play it on an ivy 
 leaf, nor yet on a comb, and if I couldn't there's 
 nobody else could. I'm not saying it isn't good 
 music, doctor, for it may be. But there's neither 
 beginning nor end of it, nor there isn't anything in 
 the middle that a man would be able to catch hold 
 of." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady shut the piano with a bang. Con- 
 stable Moriarty rose from his seat. 
 
 " If there's nothing more you'll be wanting with 
 me, doctor," he said, " it might be as well if I was 
 getting back to the barrack. The sergeant's terrible 
 particular these times. Mr. Gregg, the D.I., has 
 him annoyed with finding fault here and there and 
 everywhere. Not that I blame Mr. Gregg, for 
 everybody knows he's a nice quiet kind of a man
 
 168 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 who'd ask for nothing only to be let alone. But 
 that's what he can't get on account of Mr. Ford.'* 
 
 " Mr. Ford's a public nuisance," said Dr. O'Grady ; 
 " but I think we'll be able to get rid of him." 
 
 " It would be no great harm if he was dead," 
 said Moriarty. 
 
 " The Lord-Lieutenant," said Dr. O'Grady, " is 
 almost sure to promote him. That kind of man 
 who never can let other people's business alone, is 
 just suited to Dublin Castle." 
 
 Moriarty got as far as the door of the room and 
 then stopped. 
 
 "Will it be all right," he said, "about Mary 
 Ellen ? You'll remember, doctor, that I was 
 speaking to you about her, the way she'd be given 
 the chance of speaking to the Lord-Lieutenant." 
 
 " I'll settle about her at once," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 *' Did you say you were going straight back to the 
 barrack ? " 
 
 " I am," said Moriarty. " It'll be better for me 
 if I do on account of the way Mr. Ford does be 
 talking to " 
 
 " Are you going so straight that you won't see 
 Mary Ellen on the way ? " 
 
 " It could be,"said Moriarty,"that I might see her." 
 
 " Very well then, do. And tell her to meet me 
 
 at Mrs. Gregg's house at " He glanced at his 
 
 watch. " Let me see, it's nearly half -past two, and 
 I'll have to spend a few minutes pacifying the Major. 
 Suppose you tell her to meet me at Mrs. Gregg's at a
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 169 
 
 quarter past three. Will you be sure to give her 
 that message ? " 
 
 " I will," said Moriarty. 
 
 " And don't you keep the girl late now, Moriarty, 
 with love-making in the pig-stye or any nonsense of 
 that kind." 
 
 "Is it likely I would?" 
 
 " It is very likely. But don't do it." 
 
 " It is not likely then, seeing as how I ought to 
 be back in the barrack this minute on account of the 
 way Mr. Gregg has the sergeant annoyed " 
 
 " There's only one thing worse than keeping Mary 
 Ellen late," said Dr. O'Grady, " and that is delaying 
 me. Be off with you at once." 
 
 Constable Moriarty marched off towards the 
 barrack, fully determined to call on Mary Ellen on 
 the way. Dr. O'Grady went into the stable yard to 
 look for Major Kent. He found him smoking a 
 pipe and reading the last number of the Connacht 
 Eagle in an empty loose box. 
 
 " I thought you'd like to know," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " that I've finished with the piano, so you can go 
 back into the house again." 
 
 " Quite sure you're finished ? " said the Major 
 
 " Quite." 
 
 " Because if there are any final touches to be put 
 to your oratorio, you'd better do them to-day. 
 The piano won't be there to-morrow. I've made up 
 my mind to sell it at once." 
 
 44 Silly thing to do," said Dr, O'Grady " You
 
 170 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 won't get half what it's worth if you sell it in a hurry 
 like that." 
 
 " Even if I have to pay some one to take it away," 
 said the Major, " I shall make a good bargain. It's 
 better to lose a little money than to spend the rest 
 of my life in a lunatic asylum." 
 
 " You know your own business best, of course, 
 and if you think you can preserve what little intelli- 
 gence you have by giving Thady Gallagher or some 
 other fellow a present of your piano " 
 
 " I think I can save myself from being turned into 
 a gibbering maniac," said the Major, " by making 
 sure that you'll never have the chance of composing 
 music in my house again. Since eight o'clock this 
 morning you've been at it. I could hear you when- 
 ever I went, mixing up hymns and waltzes and things 
 with 'God Save the King.' I tried to get a bit of 
 lunch at half -past one, but I had to fly from the house." 
 
 '* It's over now, anyhow," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " And you needn't sell the piano. I've given up 
 the idea of producing a new version of that tune for 
 the Lord-Lieutenant. I find that the thing can't be 
 done in the time. I'm going to give him ' Rule 
 Britannia ' instead." 
 
 " With variations ? " 
 
 " No. Quite plain. It'll do him just as well as 
 the other. In fact from his point of view it's rather 
 the more patriotic tune of the two, and there won't 
 be any local objection to it because nobody can 
 possibly recognise it."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 171 
 
 It was in this way that Dr. O'Grady showed the 
 true greatness of his mind. A weaker man, daunted 
 by the difficulty of arranging " God Save the King " 
 in such a way as to suit all tastes, might have given 
 up the attempt to provide a musical welcome for 
 the Lord-Lieutenant. A man of narrow obstinacy, 
 the kind of man who is really like a pig, would have 
 persevered, in spite of Constable Moriarty's warning, 
 in trying to teach his variations to the town band. 
 Dr. O'Grady, knowing that the main thing was the 
 success of his general scheme, turned from a tune 
 which presented insuperable difficulties, and fixed 
 upon another, which would, he hoped, be compara- 
 tively easy to manage. The Major ought to have 
 admired him ; but did not. He was in a condition 
 of extreme nervous exasperation which rendered 
 him unfit to admire anything. 
 
 " You'll get us all into an infernal mess with your 
 foolery," he said sulkily, " and when you do, you 
 needn't come to me to help you out." 
 
 " I won't. But don't forget the committee 
 meeting to-morrow morning. Half-past eleven, 
 in Doyle's Hotel." 
 
 " What committee ? " 
 
 " Strictly speaking," said Dr. O'Grady, " it's two 
 committees the Statue Erection Committee and 
 the Lord-Lieutenant Reception Committee but the 
 same people are on both, so we may as well make 
 one meeting do." 
 
 " I'll go," said the Major, " in the hope, utterly
 
 172 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 vain of course, of keeping you from further ex- 
 cesses." 
 
 " Good," said Dr. O'Grady. " And now I must 
 hurry off. I've a lot to do between this and then." 
 
 Major Kent was a kind-hearted man. He had 
 suffered intensely during the earlier part of the day 
 and for some hours had been seriously angry with 
 Dr. O'Grady. But his sense of hospitality was 
 stronger than his resentment. 
 
 " Stop for half an hour," he said, " and have 
 something to eat. Now that you've given up punish- 
 ing my poor old piano we might have lunch in peace." 
 
 " Can't possibly waste time in eating. I've far 
 too much to do. To tell you the truth, Major, I 
 don't expect to sit down to a square meal until I 
 join the Lord-Lieutenant's luncheon party. Till 
 then I must snatch a crust as I can while running 
 from one thing to another." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady mounted his bicycle and hurried off. 
 He reached the Greggs' house at twenty minutes 
 past three. Mary Ellen was standing on the step 
 outside the door, smiling in a good-humoured way. 
 Mrs. Gregg, who looked hot and puzzled, was just 
 inside the door. 
 
 "Oh, Dr. O'Grady," she said, "I'm so glad 
 you've come. This girl won't go away and I can't 
 make out what she wants." 
 
 " It was Constable Moriarty bid me come," said 
 Mary Ellen. 
 
 " It's all right," said Dr. O'Grady. " I arranged
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 173 
 
 for her to be here. I'll explain everything in one 
 moment. Is that the only frock you own, Mary 
 Ellen ? '? 
 
 " It is not ; but I have another along with it." 
 
 " I don't expect the other is much better," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " Just look at that dress, will you, 
 Mrs. Gregg ? " 
 
 Mrs. Gregg looked at Mary Ellen's clothes care- 
 fully. She did not appear to admire them much. 
 
 " There's a long tear in the skirt," she said. " It 
 might be mended, of course, but and she has only 
 one button on her blouse, and her boots are pretty 
 well worn out, and she's horribly dirty all over." 
 
 " In fact," said Dr. O'Grady, " you couldn't very 
 well present her to the Lord-Lieutenant as she is 
 at present." 
 
 " The Lord-Lieutenant ! " said Mrs. Gregg. 
 
 " Perhaps I forgot to mention," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " that Mary Ellen must be presented. She's the 
 grand niece of General John Regan." 
 
 " Are you really ? " said Mrs. Gregg. 
 
 " It's what the doctor has put out about me," 
 said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " It isn't a matter of what I've put out or haven't 
 put out," said Dr. O'Grady. "Mr. Billing has 
 publicly acknowledged her as the grand niece of 
 the General. Didn't he, Mary Ellen ? " 
 
 " He did," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " And Mr. Billing is the greatest living authority 
 on everything connected with the General. So
 
 174 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 that settles it. Under those circumstances she 
 must, of course, be presented to the Lord-Lieutenant 
 when he comes down to unveil the statue." 
 
 " I wonder what Mrs. Ford will say ? " said Mrs. 
 Gregg. 
 
 "We'll talk about that afterwards. What I 
 want to get at now is this : Will you undertake to 
 see that Mary Ellen is properly dressed for the 
 ceremony ? " 
 
 " Oh, I couldn't possibly." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg looked at Mary Ellen again as she 
 spoke, looked at her very carefully and then smiled. 
 Mary Ellen was also smiling. The proper dressing 
 of Mary Ellen was plainly a very difficult task. 
 Mrs. Gregg's smile was at first contemptuous. 
 Mary Ellen's, on the other hand, was purely good- 
 natured, and therefore very attractive. Mrs. Gregg 
 began to relent. 
 
 " Won't you come in ? " she said to Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Certainly," he replied. " Mary Ellen, you sit down 
 on that chair in the hall and wait till we call you." 
 
 " I don't know can I wait," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " If Moriarty's lurking about for you," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " let him wait. It'll do him good. It's 
 a great mistake for you to make yourself too cheap. 
 No girl ought to. Moriarty will think a great deal 
 more of you in the end if you keep him waiting 
 every day for half an hour or so." 
 
 " It's not him I'm thinking of," said Mary Ellen, 
 " but it's Mr. Doyle."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 175 
 
 Dr. O'Grady took no notice of this remark. He 
 did not believe that Mary Ellen was very much 
 afraid of Mr. Doyle. He followed Mrs. Gregg into 
 the dining-room. Mary Ellen sat down. 
 
 " She really is rather a pretty girl," said Mrs. 
 Gregg. 
 
 " Then you'll undertake the job," said Dr. 
 O'Grady " You won't have to pay for anything, 
 you know. We'll charge whatever you like to 
 buy against the statue fund." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg did not appear to be listening. She 
 was thinking deeply. 
 
 " I have an old silk slip," she said, " which might 
 be made down." 
 
 " Capital ! A silk slip will be the very thing." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady had no idea what a silk slip might 
 be. But his enthusiastic welcome of the sugges- 
 tion passed unnoticed. Mrs. Gregg was still thinking. 
 
 " I could get a white muslin," she said, " with 
 an embroidered yoke and a wide collar. It wouldn't 
 cost very much." 
 
 " We'd like the thing done well," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " not extravagantly, of course, but well." 
 
 " She'll look quite sweet," said Mrs. Gregg ; " but 
 what will Mrs. Ford say ? " 
 
 " She'll have to be kept in a good temper." 
 
 " Kept ! " said Mrs. Gregg, giggling delightedly. 
 
 She was very much afraid of Mrs. Ford, but she 
 found a fearful joy in entering into a conspiracy 
 against her with Dr. O'Grady for ally.
 
 176 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Kept ! " she repeated, " but she never is." 
 
 "My idea," said Dr. O'Grady, "is that you 
 should dress Mary Ellen yourself, according to 
 your own ideas, and at the same time consult with 
 Mrs. Ford, giving her the impression that she's 
 doing the whole thing herself. I should think you 
 ought to be able to manage that." 
 
 This did not seem to Mrs. Gregg a very easy thing 
 to do. She hesitated. 
 
 " I'm afraid I couldn't," she said at last. " I 
 don't see how I could." 
 
 " All that's required," said Dr. O'Grady, " is a 
 little tact. You are always good at tact, Mrs. 
 Gregg. I'm perfectly certain that you'll be able 
 to manage. You must suggest each garment you 
 intend to put on the girl in such a way that Mrs. 
 Ford will think that she suggested it. That ought 
 to be easy enough." 
 
 Everybody likes being credited with the posses- 
 sion of tact. This is curious, because hardly any- 
 one likes being called a liar ; and yet tact is simply 
 a delicate form of lying. So, of course, is politeness 
 of every kind, and nobody considers it wrong to 
 aim at being polite. Mrs. Gregg, who would cer- 
 tainly have resented an accusation of habitual 
 untruthfulness, felt flattered when Dr. O'Grady 
 said she was tactful. She even believed him, and 
 allowed herself to be persuaded to undertake the 
 management of Mrs. Ford. 
 
 "Good," said Dr. O'Grady. "Then I'll leave
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 177 
 
 the whole business in your hands. I have to be 
 off. But you've no time to lose. You'll have to 
 set about your work at once. I'll send Mary Ellen 
 to you as I go through the hall. You can measure 
 her, and then take her over to see Mrs. Ford. After 
 that, you'd better order the new dress. If there's 
 any hitch in the proceedings you can send for me, 
 but I don't see why there should be." 
 
 He shook hands with Mrs. Gregg and hurried 
 from the room, without giving her the chance of 
 making any kind of protest or asking any more 
 questions. He found Mary Ellen seated on an 
 uncomfortable oak chair in the hall. 
 
 " Mary Ellen," he said, " would you like a new 
 dress ? " 
 
 " I would." 
 
 " Then go into the dining-room the room I've 
 just come out of. You'll find Mrs. Gregg there. 
 Do exactly what she tells you without making any 
 objections or asking questions. If she insists on 
 your washing your face, wash it, without grumbling. 
 If Moriarty is waiting for you anywhere between 
 
 this and the town Is Moriarty waiting for 
 
 you ? " 
 
 " He might." 
 
 " Well, if he is, I'll clear him out of the way. 
 You'll be going into the town in a few minutes with 
 Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Gregg. It wouldn't do at all 
 to have him making eyes at you from the side of 
 the road when you're walking with those two ladies 
 
 M
 
 178 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Mrs. Gregg mightn't mind ; but Mrs. Ford would be 
 certain to object. She's not the kind of lady who 
 likes to see other people enjoying themselves." 
 
 " He wouldn't do the like," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " I wouldn't trust him," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 Moriarty was, in fact, waiting for Mary Ellen 
 about a hundred yards from the gate of the Greggs' 
 house. Dr. O'Grady rebuked him sharply. Mori- 
 arty asserted that he was engaged in patrolling 
 that particular road in simple obedience to the 
 call of duty. 
 
 " That may possibly be true," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " though it doesn't sound likely." 
 
 " It was the sergeant gave me my orders," said 
 Moriarty. 
 
 " Patrol some other road, then," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 ** You're not wanted here." 
 
 " What the sergeant said was that it would be 
 better for me to patrol along between Mr. Gregg's 
 house and Mr. Ford's, so that if either the one or 
 the other of them was to see me he'd know that I 
 was patrolling. I wouldn't say a word against 
 Mr. Gregg, who's a nice gentleman enough, and 
 easy pleased. But it's hard to pacify Mr. Ford, 
 and the sergeant thought " 
 
 " I can tell you this," said Dr. O'Grady, " that 
 if Mrs. Ford catches you lying in wait for Mary 
 Ellen on the road outside her house, it will be a 
 jolly sight harder to pacify Mr. Ford than it was 
 before. Surely you can understand that "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 179 
 
 Moriarty understood it thoroughly. He was not 
 very well pleased, but he was a young man of con- 
 siderable prudence, and was filled with a sincere 
 desire to rise in his profession. He spent the rest 
 of the afternoon in patrolling a road at the other 
 end of Ballymoy. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady hurried on. His next stop was at 
 the door of Kerrigan's shop. The elder Kerrigan 
 was leaning against the wooden slab on which he 
 was accustomed to cut up joints. He was smoking 
 a pipe. 
 
 " Where's your son ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " He's within in the back yard," said Kerrigan. 
 
 " Tell him I want to see him." 
 
 " I'm not sure can he come to you ; for he's 
 taking the skin off a sheep that he's just after 
 slaughtering." 
 
 " Let him wash his hands," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " The sheep can wait." 
 
 " I'm not sure will he come," said Kerrigan. 
 " He's not overly much pleased with you this 
 minute, doctor, and that's the truth." 
 
 " What's the matter with him ? " 
 
 " It's on account of your saying that he was 
 thinking of getting married to Mary Ellen." 
 
 " It was Gallagher said that. I'd nothing to do 
 with it one way or the other." 
 
 " I wouldn't be minding myself what you said," 
 said Kerrigan, " knowing well that you wouldn't 
 be meaning any harm, whatever it was ; though
 
 180 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 the girl's no match for him, and I wouldn't care for 
 him to be carrying on with her, when it's a girl with 
 a fortune he ought to get, and what's more, can get, 
 whenever I choose to ask for her. But I wouldn't 
 pay any attention to what was put out about him 
 and Mary Ellen. I'm only telling you so as you'd 
 know why it is that the boy's mind is riz against 
 you." 
 
 " What nonsense ! Everybody in the place knows 
 that it's Constable Moriarty who's after the girl." 
 
 " It's just that that's troubling the boy. On 
 account of Constable Moriarty being a comrade of 
 
 his ; so that he wouldn't like him to be thinking 
 
 But sure, I'll fetch him for you, if you like." 
 
 Young Kerrigan appeared a few minutes later. 
 His father did not come back with him. He may 
 have felt it necessary, in the interests of his business, 
 to go on skinning the sheep. It was evident at 
 once that the young man was in a bad temper, but 
 Dr. O'Grady did not mean to waste time in explana- 
 tions if he could possibly help it. 
 
 " Listen to me, Kerrigan," he said, " do you 
 know this tune ? " 
 
 He whistled " Rule Britannia " slowly and dis- 
 tinctly. 
 
 " I do not know it," said young Kerrigan, " nor 
 I don't want to." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady whistled it through again. 
 
 " It's a good tune," he said. " It would be a nice 
 one for the band to learn."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 181 
 
 " It would not." 
 
 " What's the matter with you ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " To look at the expression of your face anybody 'd 
 think that the sheep in the back yard had been 
 skinning you." 
 
 ' You know well what's the matter with me." 
 
 " If you're nursing a grievance," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " because Thady Gallagher told the American gentle- 
 man that you were married to Mary Ellen and had 
 twins, you ought to have more sense." 
 
 It is always very difficult to remain in a bad 
 temper with anyone who insists on being pleasant 
 and cheerful. Young Kerrigan began to give way. 
 He grinned unwillingly. 
 
 " That's the first I heard of twins," he said. 
 
 " And he only said it to please the American 
 gentleman," said Dr. O'Grady. " Nobody believed 
 him." 
 
 " Sure I know well enough," said young Kerrigan, 
 " that there has to be lies told to the likes of that 
 one. How else would you content them ? I 
 wouldn't mind myself what was said, knowing it 
 was meant for the best, only that Constable 
 Moriarty " 
 
 " Moriarty doesn't mind a bit, "said Dr O'Grady; 
 " so if it's only his feelings you're thinking of, you 
 may just as well listen to this tune." 
 
 He whistled " Rule Britannia " through once 
 more. He threw great spirit into the last few bars. 
 
 " It's a good tune enough," said young Kerrigan.
 
 182 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Could the band learn it ? " 
 
 " It could, of course, if so be that I had the tune 
 right on the cornet. It would be a queer thing if 
 I couldn't incense the rest of them into doing what 
 had to be done with the other instruments " 
 
 " I can't play the cornet myself," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " but I'll whistle the tune to you as often as you 
 like, or if you prefer it we might get the loan of a 
 piano somewhere, and I'll play it for you. I can't 
 borrow the Major's again for reasons which I'm not 
 in a position to explain to you, but we can easily 
 get the use of another if you think it would help you." 
 
 " The whistling will do," said young Kerrigan. 
 " Will you come inside with me now and I'll try can 
 I get it. But, doctor " 
 
 He hesitated and looked doubtfully at Dr. O'Grady. 
 It was plain that he had a favour to ask and was 
 a little afraid of asking it. 
 
 " Well," said Dr. O'Grady encouragingly 
 
 "If so be that you were to see Moriarty " 
 
 said young Kerrigan. 
 
 Then he hesitated again 
 
 " I see far too much of him," said Dr. O'Grady 
 
 " I'd be obliged to you if you'd tell him that 
 I never looked next nor* nigh Mary Ellen, nor 
 wouldn't. Even if I wanted the girl I wouldn't 
 go behind Moriarty's back to get her ; and I don't 
 want her." 
 
 " I'll make that perfectly plain to him. Come 
 along now and learn the tune,"
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 
 THE cornet is of all instruments in an ordinary 
 band the one which produces the most penetrating 
 sounds. While young Kerrigan was practising a 
 new tune on it all the inhabitants of the town of 
 Ballymoy were able to hear him. He was aware 
 of this and sorry for it. He did not, indeed, pity his 
 fellow-citizens. He would not have understood a 
 complaint made by a nervous person who found 
 himself tortured by a long series of efforts to get a 
 note in the middle of a tune right. It would have 
 struck him as mere affectation if anyone had objected 
 to hearing the same tune with the same gasping 
 wheeze in the middle of it played over a hundred 
 or a hundred and fifty times in one evening. Young 
 Kerrigan's dislike of the necessary publicity of his 
 practising was similar to that which other artists 
 feel when members of the public break in and see 
 their work in an incomplete condition. He liked his 
 music to be appreciated. He felt that a knowledge 
 of the stages by which it came to its ultimate 
 perfection was likely to diminish its glory. But he 
 had no place in which he could practise except 
 the back yard of his father's house, and that, 
 
 183
 
 184 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 unfortunately, was in the very middle of the 
 town. 
 
 In order to get out of his difficulty young Kerrigan 
 adopted the plan of learning new tunes only in 
 autumn and winter, when strong gales were blowing 
 On a calm summer evening every note of the cornet, 
 whether right or wrong, was heard. Even the sounds 
 which were not quite notes but only painful grunts 
 penetrated open windows and doors. But when a 
 storm was raging most of the notes were blown 
 away, and only occasionally, when there happened 
 to be a lull, did anybody except young Kerrigan 
 himself hear anything. The plan worked out very 
 satisfactorily. Amid the rush and clatter of a 
 tempest people took no notice of such stray wailings 
 of the cornet as reached their ears. But, like many 
 excellent plans, this one was liable to break down 
 in emergencies. It broke down badly when Dr. 
 O'Grady insisted that the band should learn " Rule 
 Britannia " in the middle of August, 
 
 Young Kerrigan readily got a grip on the tune. 
 He could whistle it and hum it quite correctly 
 after he had heard it six or seven times. But to 
 reproduce it on the cornet required practice, and 
 the weather was remarkably calm and fine. Ker- 
 rigan, in spite of his dislike of being heard, was 
 obliged to devote the evening to it after the doctor 
 left him. Next morning he went at it again, begin- 
 ning at about eleven o'clock. He got on very 
 well up to the point at which the words declare that
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 185 
 
 " Britons never, never, never shall be slaves." The 
 notes which went to the " nevers " were particularly 
 troublesome. He tried them slowly, one by one, 
 leaving a short interval between them. He tried 
 them fast, running them into each other. He 
 tried beginning the tune again after each mistake, 
 in the hope of getting over his difficulty, as a bicyclist 
 sometimes gets up a hill, by a rush. He was a man 
 of patient disposition, and he was still working 
 hard at one o'clock. 
 
 Mr. Thaddeus Gallagher spent the morning tran- 
 scribing shorthand notes in his office. There had 
 been a singularly interesting meeting of the County 
 Council the day before in the neighbouring town of 
 Dunbeg. Gallagher had written down every word 
 of an acrimonious debate. He wanted to publish 
 a verbatim report of it. As a rule noise of any kind 
 affected him very little, and at first he took no 
 notice whatever of young Kerrigan's cornet. But 
 the continual repetition of the tune gradually beat it 
 into his brain. He found his pencil moving across 
 the paper in a series of short staccato bounds every 
 time young Kerrigan got to " Never, never, never." 
 He became by degrees vaguely uneasy. The tune 
 was one which he had certainly heard before. He 
 could not remember where he had heard it. He could 
 not remember what it was. But he became more 
 and more sure that it was connected in his mind with 
 some unpleasant associations. At last he found 
 it impossible to go on with his work. The most
 
 186 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 passionate invective of the most furious of the 
 County Councillors failed to move him to any in- 
 terest. He glanced at his watch. It was just one 
 o'clock. The meeting of the Reception Committee 
 was to take place at half -past one. Gallagher felt 
 that he had just tune to investigate thoroughly the 
 disagreeable tune. He got up and left his office. 
 
 Constable Moriarty was standing at the door of 
 the barrack listening to young Kerrigan. Being 
 himself a musician, he appreciated the difficulty of 
 playing " Rule Britannia " on a cornet, and en- 
 joyed hearing young Kerrigan's efforts. When he 
 saw Gallagher come out of his office he was greatly 
 pleased, and showed his feeling by grinning broadly. 
 Gallagher saw the grin, and his suspicion that the 
 tune was an offensive one deepened at once. He 
 crossed the road. 
 
 " What's that," he said, " that young Kerrigan's 
 playing ? " 
 
 " It's a new tune," said Moriarty, " and it's hoped 
 that the town band will learn it." 
 
 " Where did he get it ? " 
 
 " I'm after hearing," said Moriarty, " that it was 
 the doctor taught it to him. But I don't know is 
 that true. You can't believe the half of what you 
 hear in this town." 
 
 " What tune is it ? " 
 
 " I don't know that I could put a name to it this 
 minute ; but there's no need for you to be uneasy, 
 Mr. Gallagher. It's not what you think it is."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 187 
 
 " I'm not thinking about it at all," said Gallagher, 
 very untruthfully. 
 
 " I'm glad of that," said Moriarty. " I was afraid 
 from the look of you as you came out of the office 
 that you might be thinking it was ' God Save the 
 King.' But it's not." 
 
 " I was thinking no such thing, for young Kerrigan 
 knows, and the doctor knows, and you know your- 
 self, Constable Moriarty, that the people of this 
 town is all good Nationalists, and that if the 
 tune you're after naming was to be played in 
 the streets " 
 
 " It's not it, any way," said Moriarty, " so you may 
 make your mind easy." 
 
 Gallagher's mind was very far from being easy, 
 but he saw that he was not likely to get any more 
 information out of Constable Moriarty. He crossed 
 the road and entered the hotel. Doyle was in the 
 commercial room trying to induce Mary Ellen to 
 sweep the floor. It was in the commercial room 
 that the meeting of the Committee was to be held. 
 Doyle wanted some of the dirt removed from the 
 floor beforehand. 
 
 " What tune's that young Kerrigan's playing ? " 
 said Gallagher.- 
 
 " I don't know," said Doyle. " I've more to do 
 than to be listening to tunes. Mary Ellen, can you 
 not see that there's three corks out of porter bottles 
 underneath the table. Will you take them out of it 
 now, like a good girl ? "
 
 188 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I'm not satisfied in my mind about that tune," 
 said Gallagher. 
 
 " What harm is there in it ? " 
 
 " I don't know yet is there any harm, but I don't 
 like it, and I'd be glad if I knew what tune it is. 
 I have it in my mind that it's a tune that ought not 
 to be played." 
 
 " Mary Ellen," said Doyle, " what tune is it that 
 young Kerrigan's playing ? " 
 
 " How would I know ? " said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " Well, put down that sweeping brush," said 
 Doyle. " For all the good you're doing with it you 
 might as well never have taken it up. I never seen 
 such a girl. Put it down now and run across to 
 Constable Moriarty, whose standing at the door of the 
 barrack " 
 
 " I'd be ashamed," said Mary Ellen, " so I 
 would." 
 
 " If you're not ashamed of the state this room's 
 in," said Doyle, " it would take more than Moriarty 
 to shame you. Run along now, when you're bid, 
 and ask him what tune it is that Kerrigan's playing." 
 
 Mary Ellen, who hoped that the interruption 
 might put an end to the sweeping once for all, left 
 the room. 
 
 " If there's one in the town that knows the tune," 
 said Doyle, " it'll be Moriarty. I'd say myself that 
 he must know pretty near every tune there is in the 
 world." 
 
 " He might tell her," said Gallagher, " or he might
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 189 
 
 not. I was talking to him this minute and he 
 wouldn't tell me." 
 
 "He'll tell Mary Ellen," said Doyle. "He's 
 always after that girl, and it's my belief he'll tell her 
 anything that she'd ask him. There's some that's 
 took that way. Foolishness I call it." 
 
 " It's the way he wouldn't tell me when I asked 
 him," said Gallagher, *' that and the grin on his face 
 when he saw me that has me sure that there's some 
 insult intended to the people of this town with that 
 tune. It's what I wouldn't stand, and the doctor 
 and the rest of them may make their minds up to it. 
 It's what I won't stand is to have tunes played here 
 that is against the political convictions of the 
 people." 
 
 " Who'd do the like ? " said Doyle soothingly. 
 
 " What I say is this," said Gallagher. " If there's 
 no reason to be ashamed of the tune, let them say out 
 boldly what tune it is. I have it in the back of my 
 mind that I've heard that tune before now, and it's 
 not the kind of tune that decent men would be listen- 
 ing to." 
 
 " Have sense, can't you, Thady ? There's nobody 
 wanting to annoy you." 
 
 " There may rfot be," said Gallagher, " but there's 
 more than one in this town that's the enemies of the 
 Irish people and would be glad to see the cup of 
 freedom dashed from the lips of the men that have 
 spent their lives in the struggle for Home Rule and 
 that has it now as good as got."
 
 190 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Have sense," said Doyle, but he spoke without 
 real energy or much purpose. He had little hope 
 that Gallagher, once embarked on a peroration, would 
 stop until he had used up all the words at his com- 
 mand. He was quite right in his reading of his 
 friend's character. Gallagher went on : 
 
 " It isn't the declared enemies of the people that 
 we'd be afraid of," he said. " We'll meet them in 
 the open field as we've always met them, and they'll 
 fly before the spectacle of a united people as they've 
 always fled, the tyrants of other days, the blood- 
 sucking landlords " 
 
 " God help the poor Major," said Doyle. 
 
 " But the traitors within the camp," said Gallagher, 
 " the men that is occupying positions in the gift of the 
 people of Ireland, that's taking our pay, and at the 
 same time plotting contrivances for the heaping of 
 insults on the dearest convictions of our hearts " 
 
 Mary Ellen entered the room while Gallagher was 
 speaking. Bewildered by the splendour of his elo- 
 quence she stopped short just inside the door and 
 gazed at him with her mouth open. Doyle took 
 advantage of a slight hesitation in Gallagher's 
 oration to speak to her. 
 
 " What tune is it, Mary Ellen ? " he said. 
 
 " I couldn't rightly say," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " Didn't I tell you," said Gallagher, " that there 
 was underhand work going on ? " 
 
 " What tune did Moriarty say it was ? " said 
 Doyle,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 191 
 
 " He said it was a tune the doctor is after teaching 
 young Kerrigan," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 " What did I tell you ? " said Gallagher. " May- 
 be you'll believe me now." 
 
 The best thing for you to do, Thady," said Doyle, 
 " if you're dead set on finding out about that tune, 
 is to go and ask young Kerrigan what it is. The 
 boy's a decent boy, and he'll tell you if you speak 
 civil to him." 
 
 " I'll do that same," said Gallagher, " and if I 
 discover " 
 
 "You'd better be quick about it, then," said 
 Doyle, " for the committee is to meet at half after 
 one, and I wouldn't like you'd miss the proceedings." 
 
 " Come along with me," said Gallagher. " I 
 wish you to hear the way I mean to talk to young 
 Kerrigan." 
 
 Doyle did not want to listen to Gallagher brow- 
 beating young Kerrigan, but he realized that he 
 would save time and a long argument if he went at 
 once. He made a last appeal to Mary Ellen to collect 
 at least the corks which were on the floor. Then he 
 went out with Gallagher. In the porch of the hotel 
 they met Major Kent, who was a scrupulously 
 punctual man," on his way to the committee meeting. 
 
 " You're a bit early, Major," said Doyle. " But if 
 you'll step into the commercial room you won't have 
 long to wait. Thady and I have to cross the street 
 on a matter of business, but we'll be back in less than 
 five minutes The doctor might be here any time,
 
 192 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 and I see Father McCormack coming along from the 
 Presbytery." 
 
 Doyle was unduly optimistic. He was not back 
 in five minutes. He did not, indeed, get back for 
 nearly half an hour. 
 
 Kerrigan, very red in the face, and rather ex- 
 hausted, was still blowing vigorously into his cornet 
 when Gallagher and Doyle entered the back-yard. 
 Gallagher went straight to business without wasting 
 any time on preliminary politeness. 
 
 " Will you stop that blasted noise ? " he said. 
 
 Kerrigan took the cornet from his lips and gazed 
 at Gallagher in extreme surprise. 
 
 " Speak civil to the boy," said Doyle. 
 
 " What tune is that ? " said Gallagher. 
 
 " What Mr. Gallagher's meaning to say," said 
 Doyle, " is that party tunes is unsuitable to this 
 locality, where the people has always lived in peace 
 and harmony, Protestant and Catholic together, and 
 respected one another. That's what Mr. Gallagher 
 means, and if Constable Moriarty didn't annoy him 
 it's what he'd say." 
 
 " It's a tune the doctor taught me," said young 
 Kerrigan, " and it's a fine tune, so it is." 
 
 " What's the name of it ? " said Gallagher. 
 
 " That," said young Kerrigan, " is what I was 
 meaning to ask the doctor next time he happened 
 to be passing, but if you're in a hurry to know, Mr. 
 Gallagher, you can ask him yourself. It's likely 
 you'll be seeing him before I do."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 193 
 
 Young Kerrigan's words were perfectly civil ; 
 but there was a look in his eyes which Gallagher did 
 not like, and the tone in which he spoke suggested 
 that he meant to be impudent. 
 
 " I'll take no back talk from you," said Gallagher. 
 " What tune is it ? " 
 
 " I don't know what tune it is," said Kerrigan. 
 
 " You're a liar," said Gallagher. " You know 
 well what tune it is." 
 
 " Speak civil now, Thady," said Doyle. " Speak 
 civil to the boy." 
 
 " I may be a liar," said Kerrigan, " but it's the 
 truth I told you this minute. And liar or no liar 
 it's the truth I'll speak now, when I tell you that 
 I'm not near as damned a liar as yourself, Mr. 
 Gallagher. So there's for you. What do you mean 
 by telling the American gentleman that I was 
 married to Mary Ellen and her with twins ? Was 
 that a lie now or was it not ? Twins ! Cock the 
 like of that one up with twins ! If I'm a liar I'd 
 tell more sensible lies than that." 
 
 "Whisht, now, whisht," said Doyle. "Sure if 
 Mr. Gallagher said that, isn't the girl a cousin of his 
 own, and hadn't he the best right to say it ? " 
 
 " Come along out of this," said Gallagher. 
 
 " The sooner you're gone the better I'll be pleased," 
 said Kerrigan. 
 
 " And let me tell you this, Mr. Kerrigan, junior. 
 You'll be sorry for this day's work for the longest 
 
 day ever you live. When the League boys hear, 
 
 N
 
 194 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 and they will hear, about the tune that you mean 
 to play " 
 
 " Come along now, Thady," said Doyle. *' Come 
 along. You've enough said. We're late for the 
 meeting of the committee already, and we'll be 
 later yet if you don't come on. You wouldn't like 
 to keep Father McCormack waiting on you." 
 
 " I've had enough of your committee," said 
 Gallagher. " What's your statue only foolishness ? " 
 
 " Sure everybody knows that," said Doyle. 
 
 " And what's your Lord-Lieutenant only " 
 
 " Come on, now," said Doyle, " isn't it for the 
 benefit of the town we're doing it ? And it's your- 
 self that's always to the fore when there's good 
 work to be done." 
 
 " I will not go with you," said Gallagher. 
 
 They had passed through Kerrigan's shop and 
 reached the street, when Gallagher delivered this 
 ultimatum. Doyle hesitated. He was already late 
 for the committee meeting. If he waited to coax 
 Gallagher out of his bad temper he might miss the 
 meeting altogether. He looked at the door of the 
 hotel. Father McCormack was standing at it, 
 waiting, perhaps, for him and Gallagher. 
 
 " Come now, Thady," he said, " have sense. 
 Don't you see Father McCormack waiting for you ? " 
 
 " I see him," said Gallagher. 
 
 " And don't you know well enough that you'll 
 have no luck if you go against the clergy ? " 
 
 The appeal was a strong one, and had he been
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 195 
 
 in any ordinary temper Gallagher would have 
 yielded to it at once. But he was very angry 
 indeed, far too angry to be influenced by purely 
 religious considerations. He walked straight across 
 the square to his office, entered it, and slammed 
 the door behind him. Doyle followed him as far 
 as the threshold. There he stopped and looked 
 round. He saw Father McCormack go into the 
 hotel. A minute later Mrs. Gregg hurried down 
 the street and went into the hotel. Doyle sighed 
 heavily and entered Gallagher's office. Difficult 
 and unpleasant as his task was likely to be, he felt 
 that he must propitiate Thady Gallagher. 
 
 " Thady," he said, " is there a drop of anything 
 to drink in the place ? " 
 
 " There is not," said Gallagher, " nor I wouldn't 
 drink it if there was." 
 
 This confirmed Doyle's view of the extreme 
 seriousness of the situation. That Gallagher should 
 be prepared to defy the clergy was bad enough. 
 That he should adopt an ascetic's attitude towards 
 drink was worse. But Doyle did not quite believe 
 that Gallagher meant what he said. He opened a 
 door at the far end of the office and whistled loudly. 
 A small boy who had been cleaning type in the 
 printing-room appeared, rubbing his inky hands 
 on his trousers. 
 
 " Michael Antony," said Doyle, " will you step 
 across to the hotel and tell Mary Ellen to give you 
 the bottle of whisky that she'll find in the cupboard
 
 196 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 in my own room. If you can't find Mary Ellen 
 and it's hardly ever she is to be found when she's 
 wanted you can fetch the bottle yourself. If you 
 don't know the way to my room you ought 
 to." 
 
 Michael Antony, who was very well accustomed 
 to errands of this kind, went off at once. Doyle 
 glanced at Gallagher, who appeared to be absorbed 
 in completing the transcription of his shorthand 
 notes, the task at which he had been interrupted in 
 the morning by young Kerrigan's cornet playing. 
 He seemed to be very busy. Doyle got up and 
 left the room, went into the kitchen which lay 
 beyond the printing-room, and returned with two 
 tumblers and a jug of water. Gallagher looked up 
 from his writing for an instant. Doyle noticed 
 with pleasure the expression of violent anger was 
 fading from his eyes. Michael Antony, who was a 
 brisk and willing boy, returned with a bottle rather 
 more than half full of whisky. 
 
 *' Mary Ellen was upstairs along with a lady," 
 he said. " But I found the bottle." 
 
 " If you were three years older," said Doyle, 
 " I'd give you a drop for your trouble. But it 
 wouldn't be good for you, Michael Antony, and 
 your mother wouldn't be pleased if she heard you 
 were taking it." 
 
 " I have the pledge since Christmas, anyway," 
 said Michael Antony. 
 
 " Thady," said Doyle, when the boy had left
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 197 
 
 the room, " it's a drink you want to quench the 
 rage that's in you." 
 
 Gallagher looked up from his papers. He did 
 not say anything, but Doyle understood exactly 
 what he would have said if his pride had not pre- 
 vented him from speaking. 
 
 " The width of two fingers in the bottom of the 
 tumbler," said Doyle, " with as much water on top 
 of that as would leave you free to say that you 
 weren't drinking it plain." 
 
 The amount of water necessary to soothe Gal- 
 lagher's conscience was very small. Doyle added 
 it from the jug in driblets of about a teaspoonful 
 at a time. At the sound of the third splash Gal- 
 lagher raised his hand. Doyle laid down the jug 
 at once. Gallagher, without looking up from his 
 papers, stretched out his left hand and felt about 
 until he grasped the tumbler. He raised it to his 
 lips and took a mouthful of whisky. 
 
 " Thady," said Doyle, " you've no great liking 
 for Mr. Ford." 
 
 " I have not," said Gallagher. " Isn't he always 
 going against me at the Petty Sessions, he and the 
 old Major together, and treating me as if I wasn't 
 a magistrate the same as the best of them ? " 
 
 " He does that, and it's a crying shame, so it is, 
 that he's allowed to ; but sure that's the way 
 things are in this country." 
 
 Gallagher took another gulp of whisky and 
 waited. Doyle said nothing more. He appeared
 
 198 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 to have nothing more to say, and to have mentioned 
 Mr. Ford's name merely for the sake of making 
 conversation. But Gallagher wished to develop 
 the subject. 
 
 " What about Mr. Ford ? " he said, after a long 
 silence. 
 
 " He's terrible down on the erection of the statue 
 to General John Regan." 
 
 " I'm that myself," said Gallagher. 
 
 " Mr. Ford will be pleased when he hears it ; for 
 there'll be no statue if you set your face against it. 
 It'll be then that Mr. Ford will be proud of himself 
 He'll be saying all round the country that it was 
 him put a stop to it." 
 
 " It will not be him that put a stop to it." 
 
 " It's what he'll say, anyway," said Doyle. 
 
 Gallagher finished his whisky in two large 
 gulps. 
 
 " Let him," he said. 
 
 " Have another drop," said Doyle. " It's doing 
 you good." 
 
 Gallagher pushed his tumbler across the table. 
 Doyle replenished it. 
 
 " I'd be sorry," said Doyle, " if Mr. Ford was 
 to be able to say he'd got the better of you, Thady, 
 in a matter of the kind." 
 
 " It'll not be me he'll get the better of." 
 
 " He'll say it," said Doyle, " and what's more 
 there's them that will believe it. For they'll say, 
 recollecting the speech you made on Tuesday, that
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 199 
 
 you were in favour of the statue, and that only for 
 Mr. Ford you'd have had it." 
 
 " If I thought that " said Gallagher. 
 
 " Come along over now to the committee,'* said 
 Doyle, " and we'll have the statue just in derision 
 of him." 
 
 " It isn't the statue that I'm objecting to," said 
 Gallagher, " nor it isn't the notion of a new pier, 
 You know that, Doyle." 
 
 " I do, of course." 
 
 " And if it's the wish of the people of this locality 
 that there should be a statue " 
 
 " It is the wish," said Doyle. " Didn't you say 
 yourself that the people was unanimous about it 
 after the meeting in the market square ? " 
 
 Gallagher rose from his chair and pushed his 
 papers back on the table. He crushed his soft hat 
 down on the back of his head and turned to the 
 door. 
 
 " Come on," he said. 
 
 " I knew well," said Doyle, " that you'd do what- 
 ever was right in the latter end. And as for the 
 tune that was troubling you, it's even money that 
 the band will never play it. Father McCormack 
 was telling me yesterday that the big drum's broke 
 on them on account of one of the boys giving it a 
 kind of a slit with the point of a knife. The band 
 will hardly ever be able to play that tune or any 
 other tune when they haven't got a big drum."
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 
 MAJOR KENT passed through the narrow hall of 
 the hotel, went up a flight of stairs and entered the 
 commercial room. Mary Ellen was on her hands 
 and knees under the table which stood in the middle 
 of the room. She was collecting the corks which 
 had offended Doyle's eye. There were more than 
 three of them. She had four in her left hand, and 
 was stretching out to grasp two more when the 
 Major entered the room. As soon as she saw him 
 she abandoned the pursuit of the corks, crept out 
 from underneath the table, and stood looking at 
 the Major. She expected him to order a drink of 
 some sort. Most people who entered Doyle's com- 
 mercial room ordered drinks. The Major was 
 slightly embarrassed. Mary Ellen evidently ex- 
 pected him to say something to her, and he did not 
 know what to say. He did not want a drink, and 
 he could not think of any subject of conversation 
 likely to interest a tousled girl who had just been 
 crawling about the floor on her hands and knees. 
 At last he said " Good morning." Mary Ellen 
 gaped at him and then smiled. The Major, recol- 
 lecting that it was half-past one o'clock, and 
 
 200
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 201 
 
 therefore no longer morning, said that it was a fine 
 evening. Mary Ellen's smile broadened. The 
 Major expressed a polite hope that she was quite 
 well. He thought of shaking hands with her, and 
 wished that he had brought a pair of gloves with 
 him. Mary Ellen's hands were certainly dirty and 
 they looked hot. But he was not obliged to shake 
 hands. Mary Ellen realised that he was a kind of 
 man new to her, one who did not want a drink. 
 She left the room, came back again almost at once 
 for the broom which she had forgotten, and then 
 left decisively, slamming the door. 
 
 The Major crossed the room and looked out of 
 the window. He saw Doyle and Gallagher go into 
 Kerrigan's shop, and wondered vaguely what they 
 wanted there. He saw Constable Moriarty telling 
 a story, evidently of a humorous kind, to Sergeant 
 Colgan, at the door of the police barrack. The 
 story he judged from Moriarty's gestures had 
 something to do with Doyle and Gallagher. He 
 wondered, without much real interest, what the 
 story was There was nothing else of an exciting 
 kind to be seen from the window. The Major turned 
 and walked to the opposite corner of the room. He 
 stood hi front of a small square mahogany table. 
 On it was a stuffed fox in a glass case. The Major 
 looked at it carefully from several points of view. 
 It was a very ordinary fox, and appeared to have 
 been stuffed a long time. Moths had eaten the fur 
 off its back in several places, and one of its eyes,
 
 202 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 which were made of bright brown beads, was hang- 
 ing from the socket by a thread. The glass of the 
 case was exceedingly dusty. The Major, finding 
 the fox dull and rather disgusting, left it and went 
 over to the fireplace. Over the chimney-piece 
 hung a portrait of a very self-satisfied priest who 
 looked as if he had just dined well. A gold Latin 
 cross, attached to a black ribbon watch guard, 
 rested gracefully on the large stomach of the man. 
 The stomach struck the Major as one which was 
 usually distended to its utmost capacity. The 
 portrait was remarkable for that fuzziness of out- 
 line which seems to be inevitable in enlarged photo- 
 graphs. The frame was a very handsome one, 
 elaborately carved and gilt. 
 
 Next the picture of the priest, unframed and 
 attached to the wall with tacks, was a large coloured 
 supplement, taken from an American paper. It 
 presented a famous boxer stripped to the waist in 
 the act of shaking hands with a dejected-looking 
 opponent. Underneath his large picture was a list 
 of the boxer's most famous conflicts, with date and 
 a note of the number of rounds which each victim 
 had survived. Round the central picture were 
 twelve small ones, in which the hero appeared in 
 the act of felling other fighters, not so heroic or less 
 muscular. The Major, who had done some boxing 
 in his day, looked at the picture with critical interest. 
 Then Father McCormack entered the room. 
 
 " I'm in good time after all," he said. " I was
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 203 
 
 afraid, maybe, the meeting might be over when I 
 saw Doyle and Thady Gallagher going into the 
 office of the Connacht Eagle after leaving Ker- 
 rigan's shop." 
 
 " You're time enough," said the Major. " If 
 you're not more than half-an-hour late it's time 
 enough for any meeting that's held in this town." 
 
 " That's true too," said Father McCormack. 
 "As a general rule that's true enough. But I've 
 known meetings that was over and done with before 
 the time when they ought to be beginning. That 
 would be when there might be something to be 
 done at them that some of the members would be 
 objecting to if they were there. I've known that 
 happen, and I shouldn't wonder if you'd been caught 
 that way yourself before now." 
 
 " So far as I know," said the Major, " nothing of 
 the sort has happened this tune. There's no reason 
 why it should. When anything as silly as this 
 statue business is on hand everybody is sure to be 
 unanimously in favour of it." 
 
 " That's true enough. But where's the rest of 
 the committee ? " 
 
 " Nobody has turned up so far, except myself," 
 said the Major. ' 
 
 " Well," said Father McCormack, " I'm as well 
 pleased. To tell you the truth, Major, I'm glad of 
 the chance of a few minutes' quiet talk with you while 
 we have the place to ourselves. I thought it my 
 duty, and you'll understand me that I'm not casting
 
 204 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 reflections on you nor yet on the doctor, and I'd 
 be sorry to say a word against Doyle, or for the 
 matter of that against Thady Gallagher, though it 
 would be better if he had more sense. But any way, 
 I thought it my duty to acquaint the bishop with 
 what was going on." 
 
 "The statue idea?" said the Major. "Well, 
 what did he say ? I don't know your bishop per- 
 sonally, but I suppose a man could hardly be in his 
 position if he was altogether a fool." 
 
 " Believe me or not as you like," said Father 
 McCormack, " but when I got the bishop's answer 
 to my letter, it turned out that he knew no more 
 than myself about General John Regan." 
 
 " That doesn't surprise me in the least. I don't 
 believe any one knows who he was." 
 
 " What the bishop said was that it might look 
 queer if I was to take no part in the proceedings 
 when the Lord-Lieutenant was coming to unveil 
 the statue." 
 
 " That puts you in a safe position anyhow," said 
 the Major. "If it turns out afterwards that there 
 is anything fishy about the General, the bishop and 
 the Lord-Lieutenant will have to share the blame 
 between them." 
 
 " What I want to know from you," said Father 
 McCormack, " is this : Is the Lord-Lieutenant 
 coming or is he not ? " 
 
 " I've only got the doctor's word for it. He says 
 he is."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 205 
 
 " The doctor's a fine man, and there's not many 
 things he'd set his hand to but he'd carry them 
 through at the latter end. But the Lord-Lieutenant I 
 The Lord-Lieutenant is well now, do you think 
 it likely that the Lord-Lieutenant is coming down 
 here ? " 
 
 " It's not the least likely," said the Major, " but 
 there's nothing about this whole business that is. 
 It isn't likely, in my opinion, that there was such a 
 person as General John Regan. It wasn't likely 
 beforehand that we'd subscribe to put up a statue 
 to him. I don't see that the Lord-Lieutenant is 
 any more unlikely than lots of other things that 
 have happened." 
 
 " I'm glad to hear you say that," said Father 
 McCormack. 
 
 He and Major Kent were standing together at 
 the window while they talked. Neither of them 
 noticed that Mary Ellen had come into the room. 
 She stood for some time near the door, hoping that 
 either the Major or Father McCormack would look 
 round. Neither of them did, so she sidled slowly 
 into the room and stood beside the stuffed fox. 
 She was a very well mannered girl, and most un- 
 willing to interrupt an earnest, possibly an important 
 conversation. When Father McCormack made his 
 last remark she felt that her chance had come. 
 It was evident from the tone in which he spoke, that 
 he and the Major had reached a more or less satisfac- 
 tory conclusion of their business. She coughed, and
 
 206 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 then tapped lightly with her knuckles on the glass 
 case of the stuffed fox. Both Father McCormack 
 and the Major looked round. 
 
 " There's a lady below," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 ** A lady ! " said Major Kent. " Surely to good- 
 ness we're not going to have women on this 
 committee. Things are bad enough without 
 that." 
 
 " Who is she ? " said Father McCormack. 
 
 " It's Mrs. Gregg," said Mary Ellen, " and it's 
 the doctor she's asking for." 
 
 " The doctor's not here," said Father McCormack. 
 " Can't you see that for yourself ? " 
 
 " If it's Mrs. Gregg," said the Major, " you'd 
 better show her up. You can't leave her standing 
 by herself in the hall till the doctor chooses to come. 
 I wish to goodness he would come. I can't think 
 why he isn't here. This is his show entirely." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg came into the room while the Major 
 was speaking. She looked agitated and, in spite of 
 the fact that she had been waiting downstairs for 
 nearly ten minutes, was almost breathless. 
 
 "Oh, Major Kent," she said, " where's Dr. 
 O'Grady ? Such a dreadful thing has happened. 
 I don't know what to do. Just fancy Mrs. Ford 
 has written to me " 
 
 " There's no use appealing to me," said the Major. 
 " I can't do anything with Mrs. Ford. She and I 
 are hardly on speaking terms. It's not my fault 
 at least I don't think it is but you must see, Mrs.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 207 
 
 Gregg, that I can't interfere about any letter she 
 may have written to you." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg shook hands with Father McCormack, 
 but her head was turned away from him as she did 
 so. She had little hope that he could interfere effec- 
 tually to settle the difficulty created by Mrs. Ford. 
 
 " Dr. O'Grady said that I " 
 
 The Major interrupted her. 
 
 " You'd far better wait till the doctor conies," 
 he said. " He'll be here in a minute." 
 
 " But I can't wait. Mrs. Ford is down at the 
 dressmaker's now. It'll be too late if I wait. What 
 am I to do ? It will spoil the whole thing if Mrs. 
 Ford insists " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady came in. He was whistling cheer- 
 fully, not " Rule, Britannia " but a harmless Irish jig. 
 
 " Hullo ! " he said. " You here, Major. Good. 
 And Father McCormack. There's nothing like 
 punctuality. And Mrs. Gregg. How do you do, 
 Mrs. Gregg ? Everything going on all right about 
 Mary Ellen's costume ? " 
 
 " Oh no, it isn't. But I'm so glad you've come. 
 Mrs. Ford " 
 
 " Excuse me one moment, Mrs. Gregg," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " I just want to ask Father McCormack 
 one question. Listen now, Father McCormack. 
 Do you know this tune ? " 
 
 He began to whistle " Rule, Britannia." When 
 he was about half way through Mrs. Gregg inter- 
 rupted him.
 
 208 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I can't wait," said Mrs. Gregg. " I really can't. 
 Mrs. Ford is at the dressmaker's and " 
 
 " I'll attend to that in one minute, Mrs. Gregg. 
 But I must get Father McCormack's opinion on this 
 tune first. Doyle and Gallagher may arrive at any 
 moment, and then I shan't be able to go into the 
 question. Now Father McCormack, do you recognise 
 the tune I whistled you ? " 
 
 *' I've heard it," said Father McCormack, " and 
 to the best of my belief it was at a military 
 tournament up in Dublin last year." 
 
 44 It's ' Rule, Britannia,' " said the Major. " And 
 if it's played in this town there'll be a row." 
 
 " There might be," said Father McCormack, 
 * 4 if Thady Gallagher knows what tune it is." 
 
 "He won't," said Dr. O'Grady. "You didn't 
 know yourself, Father McCormack, and if you 
 didn't I'm quite satisfied that Thady Gallagher 
 won't. We can count on your keeping your mouth 
 shut, Major, I suppose. Now, Mrs. Gregg, what 
 has Mrs. Ford been doing ? " 
 
 " She says," said Mrs. Gregg, " that Mary Ellen 
 is to wear a plain dark grey tweed dress, and I had 
 it all planned out " 
 
 " White muslin," said Dr. O'Grady, " with a silk 
 slip. I remember." 
 
 " It'd look perfectly sweet," said Mrs. Gregg, 
 " and I took her to the dressmaker yesterday 
 evening just as you told me. I had the whole thing 
 arranged. She was to have a blue sash."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 209 
 
 " I was," said Mary Ellen, who was still standing 
 beside the stuffed fox. 
 
 " And Mrs. Ford agreed at the time," said Mrs. 
 Gregg, " and now I've just got a note from her 
 saying that a dark grey tweed would be much more 
 suitable because it would be useful afterwards." 
 
 " It seems to me," said Dr. O'Grady, " that you 
 haven't managed this business quite as tactfully as 
 I expected you would." 
 
 " Mrs. Ford said she was going straight to the 
 dressmaker to order the grey tweed. She's there 
 now, most likely." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg's voice had a break in it. It seemed 
 to Dr. O'Grady that she was on the verge of tears. 
 He turned to Mary Ellen. 
 
 " Which would you rather have, Mary Ellen, a 
 white muslin frock, or a grey tweed, one that would 
 be useful to you afterwards ? Don't be in a hurry 
 to decide. Think it well over." 
 
 Mary Ellen seemed very well inclined to take this 
 advice. She stood quite silent with one of her 
 fingers pressed against the corner of her mouth. 
 She was thinking deeply. 
 
 " I can't bear to have everything I settled up- 
 set by that woman," said Mrs. Gregg. " I wish you'd 
 never made me ask her to help. I wish I'd never " 
 
 "We had to keep her in a good temper," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " You'll not be able to do that,'' said the Major, 
 
 " nobody could." 
 
 o
 
 210 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " It's nothing but spite makes her do it," said 
 Mrs. Gregg. " It's just because I'm presenting a 
 bouquet and she's not." 
 
 44 Hang it all ! " said Dr. O'Grady. " It can't 
 be that. I told her distinctly that she'd be allowed 
 to hand over the illuminated address. What more 
 can she want ? " 
 
 41 It's all spite and jealousy," said Mrs. Gregg, 
 * 4 and Mary Ellen will look perfectly hideous." 
 
 "Mary Ellen," said Dr. O'Grady, "have you 
 made up your mind yet which of those two dresses 
 you'd like ? " 
 
 44 1 have," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 44 She'd like the white muslin, of course," said 
 Mrs. Gregg. 44 No girl would choose " 
 
 44 I'd like the both of them," said Mary 
 Ellen. 
 
 44 You shall have them," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 * 4 That's the best way I see out of the difficulty. 
 Mrs. Gregg, you get the dress you want for her, 
 privately, without saying a word about it. Agree 
 with everything Mrs. Ford says, and let her order 
 a red flannel petticoat if she likes." 
 
 44 But which will she wear ? " said Mrs. Gregg, 
 44 for if she's to be dressed in a ridiculous stuffy 
 grey tweed " 
 
 44 She'll wear your one, of course," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 44 She'll put it on and stand in the 
 middle of the square just underneath the statue. 
 There'll be a large crowd of people, and it will be
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 211 
 
 too late for Mrs. Ford to do anything. She can't 
 change the girl's clothes in the street." 
 
 " Don't count on any delicacy of feeling in Mrs. 
 Ford," said the Major. 
 
 " And will I have the both of the dresses after ? " 
 said Mary Ellen. 
 
 "You will," said Dr. O'Grady, "unless Mrs. 
 Ford manages to drag the grey tweed one away 
 from you." 
 
 " She'll be furious," said Mrs. Gregg. 
 
 " She may be as furious as she likes then," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " She won't be able to show it while 
 the Lord-Lieutenant's wife is shaking hands with 
 her out of the motor-car, and it won't matter to 
 us what she does afterwards. The only thing 
 we have to be careful about is to keep her in a good 
 temper " 
 
 " You can't do that," said the Major. 
 
 " In as good a temper as possible between this 
 and then. And now, Mrs. Gregg, if you'll excuse 
 my saying so, I think you and Mary Ellen had 
 better trot off to the dressmaker. If any further 
 difficulty arises refer to me at once. But I don't 
 see how anything can. All you've got to do is to 
 let Mrs. Ford have her own way, and give your 
 orders when she's gone home." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg did not seem entirely satisfied with 
 this settlement of her difficulty, but she and Mary 
 Ellen went off together to meet Mrs. Ford at the 
 dressmaker's.
 
 212 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Women," said Dr. O'Grady, " are the devil." 
 
 He was not much better satisfied than Mrs. Gregg 
 was with his new plan. He foresaw very serious 
 difficulties in carrying it out. 
 
 " You've no one but yourself to thank for all this 
 bother ! " said the Major. " There wasn't the 
 slightest necessity to have Mary Ellen in the affair 
 at all, dressed or undressed." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady was not listening to a word the 
 Major said. He was thinking deeply. His face 
 lightened suddenly and he rushed across the room 
 to the door. 
 
 " Mrs. Gregg ! " he shouted. " Mrs. Gregg ! Just 
 one moment. I've got a capital suggestion to 
 make, one to which there can be no possible objec- 
 tion from any point of view." 
 
 He ran downstairs. Father McCormack went to 
 the door and looked after him. Then he turned 
 and addressed the Major. 
 
 " You might go a long journey," he said, " before 
 you'd meet the equal of the doctor." 
 
 The Major received this remark in silence. He 
 was of opinion that a man who went a long journey 
 in order to discover a second Dr. O'Grady would be 
 a fool. 
 
 " Tell me this," said Father McCormack. " What 
 relation is Mary Ellen to the General ? " 
 
 " I've never been able to make that out for cer- 
 tain. Sometimes I'm told she's his niece, and 
 sometimes his grand-niece."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 213 
 
 Father McCormack looked round him cautiously 
 and sank his voice to a whisper. 
 
 " Is she any relation at all ? " he said slowly. 
 
 " No more than you are to the Sultan of Turkey." 
 
 " I was thinking as much myself," said Father 
 McCormack. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady, having finished his talk with Mrs. 
 Gregg, entered the room again. 
 
 " I've settled that matter satisfactorily, anyhow," 
 he said. " It occurred to me just after Mrs. Gregg 
 had left the room, that some sort of fancy dress for 
 the girl would be likely to please the Lord-Lieu- 
 tenant, and would be a compromise which both 
 ladies could accept without loss of dignity. Mary 
 Ellen is to be rigged out as a traditional Irish colleen, 
 the sort you see on the picture postcards they sell 
 to tourists in Dublin. Mrs. Gregg is delighted, and 
 Mrs. Ford can't possibly say that a crimson flannel 
 skirt won't be useful to her afterwards. She'll look 
 uncommonly well, and the Lord-Lieutenant will be 
 all the more inclined to believe that the General 
 was an Irishman when he sees his niece " 
 
 " Tell me this," said Father McCormack, " is she 
 a niece of the General or is she not ? " 
 
 " The grand-niece," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " She's neither the one nor the other," said the 
 Major. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady glanced at Father McCormack. He 
 saw by the look on the priest's face that there was 
 no use trying to prove Mary Ellen's relationship.
 
 214 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 He laughed good-naturedly, and at once offered a 
 satisfactory explanation of the position. 
 
 " Mr. Billing," he said, " insisted on our produc- 
 ing some sort of relative for the dead General. He 
 wouldn't have given that 100 if we hadn't. Now 
 what I say is this " 
 
 " You'd say anything," said the Major. 
 
 " I'm not talking to you now, Major. I'm talking 
 to Father McCormack, who's a man of sense, with 
 some knowledge of the world. The way I'm putting 
 it to him is this : Supposing there was a job going 
 a begging, a nice comfortable job under the Govern- 
 ment, with no particular duties attached to it, 
 except just to look pleasant and be generally agree- 
 able there are such jobs." 
 
 ** Plenty, plenty," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " And they're well paid," said the Major. 
 
 " And supposing that you were asked to nominate 
 
 a man for the post " Dr. O'Grady still addressed 
 
 himself only to Father McCormack. " You might 
 be, you know. In fact you, and other people in 
 your position often are, though there's always 
 supposed to be a competitive examination." 
 
 " Nobody believes in examinations," said the 
 Major. 
 
 " That's exactly what I'm saying," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Now what would you do in a case of 
 the kind ? As a matter of fact, what do you do ? 
 What did you do when they were appointing a 
 secretary to the Old-Age Pension Committee ? "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 215 
 
 " I'd look out for some decent poor fellow," said 
 Father McCormack. " One that might be wanting 
 something of the kind, a man that nobody would 
 have anything particular to say against." 
 
 " You wouldn't spend a lot of time arguing about 
 whether there ought to be such a secretary or not ? '* 
 
 " I would not, of course," said Father McCormack. 
 " What would be the use ? If the job's there and 
 a man's wanted I'd have no business talking about 
 the rights or wrongs of it beyond saying that the 
 salary ought to be a bit larger." 
 
 "Exactly," said Dr. O'Grady. "Now that's 
 just what's happened in this case. It isn't exactly 
 a job, under the Government, not under our Govern- 
 ment, though it may lead on to something in Bolivia. 
 Here's a dead General that has to be fitted out with 
 a niece " 
 
 " You said a grand-niece a minute ago," said the 
 Major. 
 
 " The principle's the same," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 *' What I'm trying to get you to see is that Mary 
 Ellen may just as well step into the position as any- 
 one else." 
 
 " When you put it that way," said Father McCor- 
 mack, " there's, no more to be said. The girl's a 
 decent girl, and I wouldn't stand in the way of her 
 bettering herself." 
 
 " She'll be the better by a new dress, anyway ! " 
 said the Major. " I don't know that she'll benefit 
 in any other way. But that's something."
 
 216 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 "I rather think," said Dr. O'Grady, "that I 
 hear Doyle downstairs. We'll be able to get on 
 with the business of the committee now, whether 
 he has Thady with him or not. We've wasted 
 time enough." 
 
 " We'll waste a lot more before we've done," said 
 the Major. " The whole thing's waste of time. 
 There'll never be a statue in Ballymoy either to 
 General John Regan or to anyone else."
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 DOYLE'S face expressed satisfaction and great grati- 
 fication. He walked quite flaunting] y when he crossed 
 the room to shake hands with Father McCormack. 
 Doyle's usual gait was a slouch. The ordinary 
 expression of his face was one of sulky watchfulness. 
 Dr. O'Grady noticed his smile and the spring in his 
 step. He at once came to the conclusion that 
 Doyle had done something of which he was very 
 proud. 
 
 Gallagher followed Doyle into the room. He 
 walked heavily and looked round him suspiciously 
 under the half-closed lids of his eyes. Dr. O'Grady 
 felt certain that he had been in some way bullied or 
 tricked by Doyle. He felt satisfied. Gallagher's 
 devotion to the statue scheme was doubtful, and 
 Gallagher might be very objectionable if he chose. 
 Doyle, on the other hand, could be counted on to 
 do his best for -the plan which promised him con- 
 siderable gain. 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Dr. O'Grady, " now that we 
 are all assembled, we ought to get to business at 
 once. I propose that Father McCormack takes the 
 chair."
 
 218 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I second that," said Gallagher. 
 
 He spoke with fierce determination, as if he 
 expected someone to object to Father McCormack's 
 taking the chair, and intended to struggle desper- 
 ately to get the proposition carried in the teeth of 
 strong opposition. He looked at Doyle and then at 
 Major Kent ; but neither one nor other of them 
 showed any sign of wanting -to argue with him. 
 Father McCormack sat down heavily on a chair 
 at the end of the table. 
 
 " What I say," Gallagher went on, " and what 
 I've always said, is that the priests is the natural 
 leaders of the people of Ireland. There's them that 
 thinks different, but the heart of the people is sound 
 in this matter, and so long as priests and people 
 stands together, shoulder to shoulder, in the cause 
 of faith and fatherland " 
 
 " That'll do you now, Thady," said Doyle. 
 
 He was watching Major Kent a little uneasily. 
 The Major had sat down at Father McCormack's 
 right hand and was tapping with his fingers on the 
 table. As a Protestant and a strong Unionist the 
 Major could not be expected to be enthusiastic about 
 either faith or fatherland as Gallagher understood 
 them. 
 
 Gallagher was unfortunately in an aggressive 
 mood. He was not drunk. It took a great deal 
 to make Gallagher drunk ; but the two strong glasses 
 of whisky which Doyle had given him made him 
 anxious to assert his political and religious principles.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 219 
 
 '* There's men among us,*' he said, " men who 
 ought to know better, that has their hearts set on 
 sowing dissension between the priests and people. 
 But if they think that they'll be able to introduce 
 French atheism into Ireland, chasing the nuns out 
 of their homes, and putting insults " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady had drawn a bundle of papers from 
 his pocket and laid them on the table before him. 
 
 " Our first business, gentlemen," he said, " is to 
 settle about the illuminated address which Mrs. 
 Ford has kindly consented to present to the Lord- 
 Lieutenant." 
 
 Thady Gallagher glared at him savagely. He did 
 not like being interrupted in the middle of a speech. 
 
 ** Order, gentlemen, order," said Father McCor- 
 mack, nervously tapping the table with his pencil. 
 
 " With regard to the illuminated address," said 
 Doyle, " I'm of opinion that the carrying out of it 
 should be given into the hands of a Dublin firm. 
 It's our duty to support Irish manufacture. There's 
 too much money sent over to England that might 
 be far better kept at home. You'll agree with me 
 there, Thady." 
 
 " What are you going to say in the address ? " 
 said the Major. . 
 
 " Oh, the usual things," said Dr. O'Grady. " I 
 don't think we need go into that in detail. All 
 addresses are pretty much the same." 
 
 " I won't sign my name to anything political," 
 said the Major,
 
 220 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I'm with you there," said Father McCormack. 
 " It's one of the curses of this country the way 
 politics are dragged into business." 
 
 " Nobody wants politics," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " The address will contain nothing but nice little 
 compliments to the Lord-Lieutenant with a word 
 or two about the value of piers put in at the end." 
 
 " If the matter's left in the hands of the firm I 
 have in mind," said Doyle, " it'll be done right, 
 They've illuminated three-quarters of the addresses 
 that have been presented in the country, and whether 
 it's a bank manager or a priest going on a new mis- 
 sion, or a Lord-Lieutenant that the address is for, 
 the firm I mean will know what to put into it. 
 They've had the experience, and experience is what 
 is wanted." 
 
 " We'll give him names and dates," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " and tell him that this is a seaport town 
 with no proper pier. With that information any 
 fool could draw up the text of an illuminated address. 
 I propose that the matter be left in the hands of a 
 sub-committee consisting of Mr. Doyle." 
 
 " Are you all agreed on that, gentlemen ? " said 
 Father McCormack. 
 
 Thady Gallagher rose slowly to his feet. 
 
 " With regard to what Mr. Doyle has just laid 
 before the meeting," he said, " and speaking of the 
 duty of supporting Irish manufacture, I'm of opinion 
 that his words do him credit. I'm an out and out 
 supporter of the Industrial Revival, and when I
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 221 
 
 look round about me on the ruined mills that once 
 were hives of industry, and the stream of emigra- 
 tion which is flowing from our shores year after 
 year " 
 
 " I don't think we need spend much time dis- 
 cussing the bouquet," said Dr. O'Grady. " It'll 
 have to be ordered from Dublin too." 
 
 " There's no flowers here to make a bouquet of," 
 said Doyle, " unless, maybe, the Major " 
 
 " I've a few Sweet Williams," said the Major, 
 " and a bed of mixed stocks. If you think they'd 
 be any use to you you're welcome to them." 
 
 " We might do worse," said Father McCormack. 
 
 "We'll have to do better," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 ** You can't offer a lady in the position of a Lord- 
 Lieutenant's wife a bundle of ordinary stocks ! 
 What we have to get is lilies and roses." 
 
 " It's only right that we should," said Father 
 McCormack, " but I think the thanks of the meeting 
 ought to be given to Ma j or Kent for his generous offer. ' ' 
 
 " I second that," said Doyle. " The Major was 
 always a good friend to anything that might be for 
 the benefit of the town or the locality." 
 
 " The ordering of the bouquet," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " to be left to the same sub-committee which has 
 charge of the address." 
 
 " And is to be sent to the hotel here," said Father 
 McCormack, " on the morning of the ceremony, so 
 as it will be fresh. Are you all agreed on that, 
 gentlemen ? What's the next business, doctor ? "
 
 222 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " The next business is the statue." 
 
 "What's the date of the Lord-Lieutenant's 
 visit ? " said the Major. 
 
 " Thursday week," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " That's ten days from to-day," said the Major. 
 " We may just as well go home at once as sit here 
 talking to each other. There's no time'to get a statue. ' ' 
 
 " We'll do our business before we stir," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 
 
 " What's the use of saying things like that ? " 
 said the Major. " You know jolly well, O'Grady, 
 that you can't get a statue in ten days. The thing's 
 impossible. It takes a year at least to make a 
 statue of any size. You can't go into a shop 
 and buy a statue, as if it were a hat or an umbrella." 
 
 " There's a good deal in what the Major says," 
 said Father McCormack. " I'm inclined to agree 
 with him. I remember well when they were putting 
 up the monument to Parnell in Dublin it took them 
 years before they had it finished." 
 
 " It's a good job for everybody concerned," said 
 the Major, " that we're brought up short. We'd 
 simply have made ourselves publicly ridiculous if 
 we'd gone on with this business." 
 
 The Major, Dr. O'Grady, and Doyle, spoke when 
 they did speak, in an easy conversational tone 
 without rising from their chairs. But this was not 
 Gallagher's idea of the proper way of conducting 
 public business. He believed that important dis- 
 cussions ought to be carried on with dignity, When
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 223 
 
 he spoke he stood up and addressed the committee 
 as if he were taking part in a political demonstra- 
 tion, using appropriate gestures to emphasise his 
 words. The difficulty about the statue gave him 
 a great opportunity 
 
 " I stand here to-day," he said, " as the repre- 
 sentative of the people of this locality, and what 
 I'm going to say now I'd say if the police spies of 
 Dublin Castle was standing round me taking down 
 the words I utter." 
 
 Young Kerrigan had been obliged to stop practis- 
 ing " Rule, Britannia " on the cornet in order to eat 
 his dinner. When he had satisfied his appetite 
 and soothed his nerves with a pipe of tobacco he 
 set to work at the tune again. The hour's rest had 
 not helped him in any way. He made exactly the 
 same mistake as he had been making all the morning. 
 It happened that he took up his cornet again shortly 
 before Gallagher began the speech in which he 
 declared himself a representative of the people of 
 the locality. The noise of the music floated through 
 the open window of the committee room. It had 
 a slightly exasperating effect on Gallagher, but he 
 went on speaking. 
 
 " What I say is this," he said, " and it's what I 
 always will say. If it is the unanimous wish of the 
 people of this locality to erect a statue to the memory 
 of the great patriot who is gone, then a statue ought 
 to be erected. If the Major is right and he may 
 be right in saying that it takes a year to make a
 
 224 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 statue, then we'll take a year. We'll take ten years 
 if necessary. Please God the most of us has years 
 enough before us yet to spare that many for a good 
 work." 
 
 Young Kerrigan continued to break down at the 
 " never, never, never," part of the tune. Dr. 
 O'Grady began to fidget nervously in his chair. 
 
 "Sit down, Thady," said Doyle. "Don't you 
 know that if we postpone the statue we'll never get 
 the Lord-Lieutenant to open it ? Didn't he say 
 in his letter that Thursday week was the only day 
 he could come ? " 
 
 " As for the so-called Lord-Lieutenant of Ire- 
 land," said Gallagher, waving his arm in the air, 
 " we've done without him and the likes of him up 
 to this, and we're well able to do without him for 
 the future." 
 
 He brought his fist down with tremendous force 
 as he spoke, striking the table with the pad of flesh 
 underneath his little finger. Dr. O'Grady jumped up. 
 
 " Excuse me one moment, gentlemen," he said. 
 " That young fool, Kerrigan, is getting the tune 
 wrong every time, and if I don't stop him he'll never 
 get it right at all." 
 
 He walked across to the window as he spoke and 
 looked out. Then he turned round. 
 
 44 Don't let me interfere with your speech, Thady," 
 he said. " I'm listening all right, and I'm sure 
 Father McCormack and the rest of the committee 
 want to hear every word of it."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 225 
 
 But Gallagher, in spite of this encouragement, 
 did not seem inclined to go on. He sat down and 
 scowled ferociously at Doyle. Dr. O'Grady put 
 his head out of the window and shouted. 
 
 " Moriarty," he called, " Constable Moriarty, 
 come over here for a minute and stop grinning." 
 
 Then he drew in his head and turned round. 
 
 " Major," he said, " you're a magistrate. I 
 wish to goodness you'd give orders that Moriarty 
 isn't to grin in that offensive way. It's a danger 
 to the public peace." 
 
 " I shan't do anything of the sort," said the 
 Major. " In the first place I can't. I've no 
 authority over the police. They are Gregg's busi- 
 ness. In the second place " 
 
 He stopped at this point because Dr. O'Grady 
 was not listening to him. He had stretched his 
 head and shoulders out of the window and was 
 talking in a very loud tone to Moriarty. 
 
 " Run over," he said, " and tell young Kerrigan 
 to come here to me for a minute. When you've 
 done that go to bed or dig potatoes or do any other 
 mortal thing except stand at the door of the barrack 
 grinning." 
 
 " What tune's that young Kerrigan's after play- 
 ing ? " said Gallagher solemnly. 
 
 Father McCormack looked anxiously at Major 
 Kent. The Major fixed his eyes on the stuffed fox 
 in the glass case. It was Doyle who answered 
 Gallagher. 
 
 " It's no tune at all the way he's playing it," he
 
 226 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 said. " Didn't you hear the doctor saying he had 
 it wrong ? " 
 
 "What tune would it be," said Gallagher, "if 
 so be he had it right ? " 
 
 " I told you before," said Doyle. " I told you 
 till I'm. tired telling you that I don't know the name 
 of it. It's not a tune that ever I heard before." 
 
 " I'll find out what tune it is," said Gallagher 
 savagely. " I'll drag it out of you if I have to 
 drag the black liver of you along with it." 
 
 " Order, gentlemen, order," said Father McCor- 
 mack. " That's no language to be using here." 
 
 " I was meaning no disrespect to you, Father," 
 said Gallagher. " I'd be the last man in Ireland to 
 raise my hand against the clergy." 
 
 " It's the doctor's liver you'll have to drag, 
 Thady, if you drag any liver at all," said Doyle, 
 " for he's the only one that knows what the tune 
 is." 
 
 Moriarty appeared to have conveyed the message 
 to young Kerrigan. Dr. O'Grady, still leaning out 
 of the window, spoke again, this time evidently to 
 Kerrigan. 
 
 " Don't you know you're getting it wrong every 
 time ? " he said. 
 
 Young Kerrigan's voice, faint and apologetic, 
 reached the members of the committee through the 
 window. 
 
 " Sure I know that well enough ; but the devil's 
 in it that I can't get it right." 
 
 " Listen to me now," said Dr. O'Grady.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 227 
 
 He whistled the tune shrilly, beating time with 
 his hand. 
 
 " Now, Kerrigan," he said, " try it after me." 
 
 He whistled it again slowly. Kerrigan followed 
 him note by note on the cornet. After a very 
 short hesitation he got over the difficult passage. 
 Dr. O'Grady drew in his head and returned to the 
 table with a sigh of relief. 
 
 " I think he has it now," he said, " but it's a tough 
 job teaching that fellow anything." 
 
 " What tune is it ? " said Gallagher. 
 
 " It's not a tune that ever you heard before," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " I'm of opinion that I did hear it," said Gallagher. 
 " But let you speak out now if you're not ashamed 
 of it, and tell me what tune it is." 
 
 "It's the 'Battle March of King Malachi the 
 Brave,' " said Dr. O'Grady, " the same that he 
 played when he was driving the English out of 
 Ireland. And you can't possibly have heard it before 
 because the manuscript of it was only dug up the 
 other day at Tara, and this is the first time it's ever 
 been played publicly in the west of Ireland." 
 
 " There now, Thady," said Doyle, " didn't I tell 
 you all along that you'd nothing to do only to ask 
 the doctor ? " 
 
 " I'm of opinion that I did hear it," said Gallagher. 
 " You may say what you like about the Hill of Tara, 
 but I've heard that tune." 
 
 " It's just possible," said Dr. O'Grady, " that Mr. 
 Billing may have whistled it while he was here.
 
 228 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 I believe the people of Bolivia are fond of it. They 
 learned it, of course, from General John Regan. 
 He may have heard it from his grandmother. It's 
 wonderful how long music survives among the people 
 long after the regular professional musicians have 
 forgotten all about it. But I mustn't interrupt 
 you any more, Thady. You were just making a 
 speech about the Lord-Lieutenant. Perhaps you 
 have finished what you were saying. As well as I 
 recollect we were just settling about the statue." 
 
 " Major Kent was after saying," said Father 
 McCormack, " that we couldn't get a statue in the 
 time." 
 
 " My friend Mr. Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady, " has 
 a proposal to lay before the meeting. Where's 
 that card, Doyle, that you showed me last week ? " 
 
 Doyle drew a bundle of grimy papers from his 
 breast pocket and went through them slowly. One, 
 which appeared to be a letter written on business 
 paper, he laid on the table in front of him. At the 
 bottom of the bundle he came on a large card. He 
 handed this to Father McCormack. The printing 
 on it was done in curiously shaped letters, evidently 
 artistic in intention, with a tendency towards the 
 ecclesiastical. Round the outside of the card was 
 a deep border of black, as if the owner of it were in 
 mourning for a near relative. 
 
 Father McCormack looked at it dubiously. 
 
 " Read it out," said Dr. O'Grady. " I'd like the 
 Major to hear exactly what's on it." 
 
 " ' Mr. Aloysius Doyle,' " read Father McCormack
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 229 
 
 " He's a nephew of my own," said Doyle. 
 
 " He would be," said Gallagher. " If he wasn't 
 we'd hear nothing about him." 
 
 He was still feeling sore about the " Battle March 
 of King Malachi the Brave," and was anxious to 
 make himself disagreeable to some one. It struck 
 him that it would be easy to annoy Doyle by sug- 
 gesting that he was trying to do a good turn to his 
 nephew at the expense of the statue fund. 
 
 " I needn't tell you, gentlemen," said Doyle, with 
 great dignity, " that it's not on account of his being 
 a nephew of my own that I'm recommending him 
 to the notice of this committee. If he was fifty 
 times my nephew I wouldn't mention his name 
 without I was sure that he was as good a man as 
 any other for the job we have on hand." 
 
 No one, of course, believed this, but no one 
 wanted to argue with Doyle about it. Father 
 McCormack went on reading from the black-edged 
 card which he held in his hand. 
 
 " ' Mortuary Sculptor.' " 
 
 " Sculptor ! " said Dr. O'Grady. " You hear that, 
 Major. Sculptors are people who make statues." 
 
 " Mortuary sculptors, I suppose," said the Major 
 viciously, " make, statues of dead men." 
 
 "The General's dead, any way," said Doyle, "so 
 that's suitable enough." 
 
 " ' Address The Monumental Studio, Michael 
 Angelo House, Great Brunswick Street, Dublin.' " 
 read Father McCormack. "That'll be where your 
 nephew lives, Mr. Doyle ? "
 
 280 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " It's where he has his works," said Doyle. " He 
 lives down near Sandymount." 
 
 " ' Celtic Crosses, Obelisks and every kind of 
 Monument supplied at the shortest notice,' " said 
 Father McCormack, still reading from the card. 
 
 ' Family Vaults decorated. Inscriptions Cut. Es- 
 timates Free. Low Prices.' " 
 
 " I don't see that we could possibly do better than 
 that," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Even Doyle's nephew can't make a statue in 
 ten days," said the Major. 
 
 " He says ' shortest notice ' on his card. You 
 ought to believe the man, Major, until you've some 
 evidence that he's a liar." 
 
 " I don't care what he says," said the Major. " He 
 can't make a statue in ten days." 
 
 " We'll get to that point in a minute," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " The first thing we have to decide is 
 whether Mr. Aloysius Doyle is a suitable man to be 
 entrusted with the work." 
 
 " There's no other tenders before us," said Father 
 McCormack, " so I suppose we may as well " 
 
 " Excuse my interrupting you, Father," said 
 Doyle, " but before you take the opinion of the 
 meeting on this point, I'd like to say that I'm offering 
 no opinion one way or the other ; and what's more 
 I won't give a vote either for or against. I wouldn't 
 like to do it in a case where my own nephew is a 
 candidate." 
 
 "You needn't tell us that, Mr. Doyle," said 
 Father McCormack. "We all know that you're
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 231 
 
 not the kind of man who'd be using his public posi- 
 tion to further the interests of his relatives. What 
 do you say now, gentlemen ? Is Mr. Aloysius Doyle 
 to be given the contract for the statue or not ? 
 What do you say, Major ? " 
 
 "If he can make a full -sized statue of a General 
 in ten days," said the Major, " he's a man who 
 deserves every encouragement we can give him." 
 
 " Now, doctor," said Father McCormack, " what's 
 your opinion ? " 
 
 " I'm for giving him the job," said the doctor. 
 
 " Mr. Doyle won't vote," said Father McCormack, 
 so " 
 
 " I will not," said Doyle firmly. 
 
 " So we'd be glad of your opinion, Mr. Gallagher." 
 
 " If his price is satisfactory," said Gallagher, *' we 
 may as well give him the preference. I'd be in 
 favour of supporting local talent when possible, and 
 although Mr. Aloysius Doyle isn't a resident among 
 us at present, his family belongs to Ballymoy." 
 
 " Carried unanimously," said Father McCormack. 
 '' And now about the price. What will that nephew 
 of yours do us a statue for, Doyle ? And mind you, 
 it must be done well." 
 
 " Before we go into that," said Dr. O'Grady, " I'd 
 like the committee to hear a letter which Mr. Doyle 
 has received from his nephew. I thought it well, 
 considering how short the time at our disposal is " 
 
 " Ten days," said the Major. " Ten days to make 
 a statue " 
 
 " The letter which we are just going to read,"
 
 232 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " will meet the Major's difficulty. 
 I thought it well to get into communication with 
 Mr. Aloysius Doyle at once so as to have everything 
 ready for the committee." 
 
 " I wonder you haven't the statue ready," said 
 the Major. 
 
 " I wrote to him, or rather I got Doyle to write 
 to him, the day before yesterday, and the letter you 
 are now going to hear is his reply. I may say that 
 we laid the circumstances full before him ; especially 
 the shortness of the time. You're not the only per- 
 son who thought of that difficulty, Major. Just 
 read the letter, will you, Doyle ? " 
 
 Doyle took up the letter which lay on the table in 
 front of him and unfolded it. He glanced at it and 
 then put it down and began to fumble in his pocket. 
 
 " Go ahead," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " I can't," said Doyle. " This isn't that letter, 
 but another one altogether." 
 
 He drew his packet of papers from his pocket 
 again and began to go through them rapidly. There 
 was a light tap at the door. 
 
 "Who on earth's that ? " said Dr. O'Grady. " I 
 said specially that this meeting was not to be dis- 
 turbed." 
 
 " Possibly Doyle's nephew," said the Major, " with 
 a sample statue. He ought to submit samples to 
 us." 
 
 " Come in, whoever you are," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 Mary Ellen half opened the door and put her head 
 into the room. Dr. O'Grady realized the moment
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 233 
 
 he saw her that something must have gone wrong 
 in the dressmaker's shop. He assumed without 
 enquiry that Mrs. Ford had been making herself 
 objectionable. 
 
 " What has Mrs. Ford done now ? " said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " I can't go to her till this meeting is 
 over." 
 
 " Mrs. Ford's off home this half hour," said Mary 
 Ellen. " She said she wouldn't put up with the 
 nonsense that was going on." 
 
 This was a relief to Dr. O'Grady. If Mrs. Ford 
 had gone home the difficulty, whatever it was, must 
 be capable of adjustment. 
 
 " Then what on earth do you want ? Surely you 
 and Mrs. Gregg haven't been quarrelling with each 
 other." 
 
 " Mrs. Gregg says " said Mary Ellen. 
 
 Then she paused, looked at Dr. O'Grady, looked 
 at Doyle, finally took courage after a glance at 
 Father McCormack. 
 
 " She says, is there to be white stockings ? " 
 
 "Certainly not," said Dr. O'Grady. "White 
 stockings would be entirely out of place. If we're 
 dressing you as an Irish colleen, Mary Ellen, we'll do 
 it properly. GQ and tell Mrs. Gregg that your 
 stockings are to be green, bright green. Did you 
 ever hear such a silly question ? " he added, turning 
 to the other members of the committee, " who ever 
 saw an Irish colleen in white stockings ? " 
 
 " While you're at it, O'Grady," said the Major, 
 " you'd better settle the colour of her garters."
 
 284 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Mary Ellen, grinning broadly, withdrew her head 
 and shut the door. 
 
 " What's that about green stockings for Mary 
 Ellen ? " said Father McCormack. 
 
 " Oh, it's all right," said Dr. O'Grady. " The 
 stockings will scarcely show at all. Her dress will 
 be right down to her ankles, longer by far than the 
 one she usually wears. I needn't tell you, Father 
 McCormack, that I wouldn't consent to dressing 
 the girl in any way that wasn't strictly proper. 
 You mustn't think " 
 
 " I wasn't thinking anything of the sort," said 
 Father McCormack. 
 
 " You very well might be," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " Any one would think we intended her to appear 
 in a ballet skirt after that remark of the Major's about 
 her garters." 
 
 " All I was thinking," said Father McCormack, 
 " was that if you dressed the girl up in that style 
 she'll never be contented again with ordinary 
 clothes." 
 
 " I'd be opposed, so I would," said Gallagher, " to 
 anything that wouldn't be respectable in the case of 
 Mary Ellen. Her mother was a cousin of my own, 
 and I've a feeling for the girl. So if you or any 
 other one, Doctor, is planning contrivances " 
 
 " Oh don't be ridiculous, Thady," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " I tell you she'll be all right. Now Doyle, will you 
 read us that letter from your nephew. If we don't 
 get on with our business we'll be here all night."
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 
 " I CAN'T find the letter high or low," said Doyle. 
 
 " Maybe now," said Father McCormack, " it's not 
 in your pocket at all." 
 
 " It should be," said Doyle, " for it was there I 
 put it after showing it to the doctor here yesterday." 
 
 " It doesn't matter," said Dr. O'Grady, " you can 
 tell us what he said in your own words." 
 
 " What I told my nephew," said Doyle, " when 
 I was writing to him, was that the committee was a 
 bit pressed in the matter of time owing to next 
 Thursday week being the only day that it was con- 
 venient for the Lord-Lieutenant to attend for the 
 opening of the statue. Well, gentlemen, by the 
 height of good luck it just happens that my nephew 
 has a statue on hand which he thinks would do us." 
 
 " He has what ? " said the Major. 
 
 " A statue that's been left on his hands," said 
 Doyle. " The way of it was this. It was ordered 
 by the relatives of a deceased gentleman, and it was 
 to have been put up in St. Patrick's Cathedral in 
 Dublin." 
 
 "That shows," said Dr. O'Grady, "that it's a 
 first rate statue. They wouldn't let you put up 
 anything second rate in a cathedral like that." 
 
 235
 
 236 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " It must be a good one, surely," said Father 
 McCormack. 
 
 " But when the relatives of the deceased party 
 went into his affairs," said Doyle, " they found he 
 hadn't died near as well off as they thought he was 
 going to ; so they told my nephew that they wouldn't 
 take the statue and couldn't pay for it. It was 
 pretty near finished at the time, and what my nephew 
 says is that he could make sure of having it ready 
 for us by the end of this week at the latest." 
 
 " Look here, O'Grady," said the Major, " I'm as 
 fond of a joke as any man ; but I must draw the 
 line somewhere. I'm hanged if I'll be mixed up in 
 any way with a second-hand statue." 
 
 " It's not second-hand," said Dr. O'Grady; "it's 
 perfectly new. At this moment it isn't even finished. 
 I wouldn't ask this committee to buy anything 
 second-hand. But you can surely see, Major you 
 do see, for you raised the point yourself, that with 
 the very short time at our disposal we must, if we 
 are to have a statue at all, get one that's more or less 
 ready made." 
 
 " But Good Heavens ! O'Grady," said the Major. 
 " How can you possibly put up a statue of some- 
 body else and call it General John Regan ? It won't 
 be the least like him. How can you the thing's 
 too absurd even for you. Who was this man that 
 the statue was made for ? " 
 
 " Who was he, Doyle ? " said Dr. O'Grady. " It 
 doesn't really matter to us who he was ; but you 
 may as well tell the Major so as to satisfy him."
 
 GENERAL .JOHN REGAN 287 
 
 " I disremember his name," said Doyle, " and I 
 can't lay my hand on the letter ; but he was a 
 Deputy-Lieutenant of whatever county he belonged 
 to." 
 
 ** There you are now, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " A Deputy-Lieutenant ! Nothing could be more 
 respectable than that. You're only a J.P. yourself, 
 and I don't believe you'll ever be anything more. 
 You can't afford to turn up your nose at a Deputy- 
 Lieutenant. We shan't be doing any injury to the 
 General's reputation by allowing him to be repre- 
 sented by a man of high position, most likely of good 
 family, who was at all events supposed to be well 
 off before he died." 
 
 " I wasn't thinking of the General's reputation,'* 
 said the Major. " I don't care a hang " 
 
 " I don't see that we are bound to consider the 
 feelings of the Deputy-Lieutenant," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " After all, if a man deliberately leads his relatives 
 to suppose that he is rich enough to afford a statue 
 in a cathedral and then turns out to be too poor to 
 pay for it, he doesn't deserve much consideration." 
 
 " I wouldn't cross the road," said Doyle, " to 
 do a good turn to a man that let my nephew in the 
 way that fellow" did. For let me tell you, gentlemen, 
 that statue would have been a serious loss to him 
 if " 
 
 " I'm not thinking of him or Doyle's nephew 
 either," said the Major. " I don't know who that 
 Deputy-Lieutenant was, and I don't care if his 
 statue was stuck up in every market town in Ireland."
 
 288 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " If you're not thinking of the General," said the 
 doctor, " and if you're not thinking of the Deputy- 
 Lieutenant, what on earth are you grumbling 
 about ? " 
 
 " I'm grumbling, as you call it," said the Major, 
 " about the utterly intolerable absurdity of the 
 whole thing. Can't you see it ? You can of course, 
 but you won't. Look here, Father McCormack, 
 you're a man of some sense and decency of feeling. 
 Can we possibly ask the Lord-Lieutenant to come 
 here and unveil a statue of General John Regan 
 whoever he was when all we've got is a statue of 
 some other man? Quite possibly the Lord-Lieu- 
 tenant may have known that Deputy-Lieutenant 
 personally, and if he recognises the statue where 
 shall we be ? " 
 
 " There's something in what the Major says," 
 said Father McCormack. " I'll not deny there's 
 something in what he says." 
 
 " There isn't," said Dr. O'Grady. " Excuse my 
 contradicting you flatly, Father McCormack, but 
 there really isn't. We all know Doyle, and we 
 respect him ; but I put it to you now, Father 
 McCormack, I put it to any member of the com- 
 mittee : Is Doyle likely to have a nephew who'd 
 be able to make a statue that anybody would 
 recognise ? " 
 
 " There's something in that," said Father 
 McCormack. " I'm not well up in statues, but 
 I've seen a few in my time, and all I can say is that 
 unless Doyle's nephew is a great deal better at the
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 239 
 
 job than most of the fellows that make them, 
 nobody would know, unless they were told, who his 
 statue's meant to be like." 
 
 " My nephew's a good sculptor," said Doyle. 
 "If he wasn't I wouldn't have brought his name 
 forward to-day ; but what the doctor says is true 
 enough. I've seen heads he's done, for mural 
 tablets and the like, and so far as anybody recognising 
 them for portraits of the deceased goes, you might 
 have changed the tablets and, barring the inscrip- 
 tions, nobody would have known to the differ. 
 Not but what they were well done, every one of 
 them." 
 
 " There now, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. " That 
 pretty well disposes of your last objection." 
 
 " That's only a side issue," said the Major, speak- 
 ing with a calm which was evidently forced. " My 
 point is that we can't, in ordinary decency, put up a 
 statue of one man to represent another." 
 
 " I don't know that I altogether agree with the 
 Major there," said Father McCormack, " but there's 
 something in what he says." 
 
 " I can't see that there's anything," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " Deputy-Lieutenants have uniforms, 
 haven't they ? - So have Generals. Nobody can 
 possibly know what the uniform of a Bolivian 
 General was fifty or a hundred years ago. All we 
 could do, even if we were having the statue entirely 
 made to order, would be to guess at the uniform. 
 It's just as likely to be that of a modern Deputy- 
 Lieutenant as anything else."
 
 240 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " That's true, of course," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " Anyway," said Doyle, " if we're to have a 
 statue at all it'll have to be this one. There's no 
 other for us to get, so what's the use of talking ? " 
 
 The Major shrugged his shoulders helplessly. 
 
 " There's evidently no use my talking," he said. 
 
 "Is it your wish then, gentlemen," said Father 
 McCormack, " that the offer of Mr. Aloysius Doyle 
 to supply a statue of General John Regan be accepted 
 by the committee ? " 
 
 " It is," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Subject to the price being satisfactory," said 
 Gallagher. " We haven't heard the price yet." 
 
 " I have the letter about the price which my 
 nephew sent me," said Doyle, " and I think you'll 
 all agree with me that he's giving it cheap." 
 
 " He ought to," said Gallagher, " considering 
 that if he doesn't sell it to us it's not likely he'll sell 
 it at all." 
 
 " The demand for second-hand statues must be 
 small," said the Major. 
 
 " What he says is," said Doyle, " that considering 
 he's dealing with a member of his own family he'll 
 let the statue go at no more than the price of the 
 raw material, not making any charge for the work 
 he's putting into it. I don't know that we can 
 expect more than that from him." 
 
 " You cannot, of course," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " Let's hear the figure," said Gallagher. 
 
 " I should say," said the Major, " that 10 would 
 be a liberal offer on our part."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 241 
 
 " Shut up, Major," said Dr. O'Grady. " What 
 do you know about the price of statues ? You 
 wouldn't get a plaster cast of a pet dog for 10." 
 
 Doyle smiled amiably. 
 
 " There's not a man in Ballymoy," he said, 
 " fonder of a joke than the Major." 
 
 " Let's hear the figure," said Gallagher. 
 
 " What he says," said Doyle, " is 81." 
 
 Major Kent whistled. 
 
 " But I wouldn't wonder," said Doyle, " but you 
 could get him to knock 10s. off that and say 80 10s." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady pulled a sheet of paper towards him 
 and began to write rapidly. 
 
 " Statue 80 10s.," he said. " Carriage, say 
 l 10s. The railway companies are robbers. Ex- 
 penses of erection, say 2. You'll let us have any 
 mortar and cement that are needed for nothing, 
 Doyle ; so we'll only have to pay for labour. I'll 
 superintend the erection without charging a fee. 
 Illuminated Address, 4. Bouquet l Is. That's 
 a good deal to give for a bouquet, but I don't think 
 we'll get a decent one for less. Dresses, etc., for 
 Mary Ellen the green stockings will have to be 
 ordered specially, and so will come to a little money. 
 And we may have to get that grey tweed dress 
 which Mrs. Ford wants, just to prevent her kicking 
 up a row. Two dresses, stockings, etc., for Mary 
 Ellen, say 4. That will include shoes with buckles, 
 She'll have to wear an Irish brooch of some sort, 
 but we'll probably be able to borrow that. Lunch 
 for the Vice Regal party on the day of the unveiling 
 
 Q
 
 242 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 there'll be at least four of them, say five in case of 
 accidents. That will allow for two aides-de-camp 
 and a private secretary. They can't want more. 
 The five of us and Mr. Billing, who said he'd be 
 back for the ceremony. That makes eleven. I 
 suppose you could do us really well, Doyle, at 7s. 6d. 
 a head, including drinks, and there'll have to be 
 three or four bottles of champagne on the side- 
 board, just for the look of the thing. We may not 
 have to open more than one. Eleven times 7s. 6d. 
 makes 4 2s. 6d. What do you mean to charge us 
 for the printing of the posters, Gallagher ? " 
 
 *' I'll say 3," said Gallagher, " to include posters 
 and advertisements in the paper. I'll be losing 
 money on it." 
 
 " You'll not be losing much," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 "but we'll say 3. That will make let me 
 see " 
 
 He added up his column of figures and then 
 checked the result by adding them downwards. 
 
 "That comes to 100 3s. 6d.," he said, "and 
 we've not put down anything for postage. You'll 
 have to get your nephew to knock another 10s. 
 off the price of the statue. After all, when he said 
 81, he must have been prepared to take 80, and 
 he'll have to cut the inscription for us without 
 extra charge." 
 
 " He might," said Doyle, " if we approached him 
 on the subject." 
 
 " He'll have to," said Dr. O'Grady, " for 100 is 
 all we've got, and we can't run into debt."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 243 
 
 "He did say," said Doyle, "that 3d. a letter 
 was the regular charge for cutting inscriptions." 
 
 " We'll make it short," said Dr. O'Grady. " We 
 won't stick him for more than about 10s. over the 
 inscription. After all, long inscriptions are vulgar. 
 I propose that Mr. Thaddeus Gallagher, as the only 
 representative of the Press among us, be commis- 
 sioned to write the inscription." 
 
 " We couldn't have a better man," said Father 
 McCormack. 
 
 " I'll not do it," said Gallagher. He had a solid 
 reason for refusing the honour offered to him. The 
 writer of an inscription at the base of a statue is 
 almost bound to make some statement about the 
 person whom the statue represents. 
 
 "You will now, Thady," said Doyle, "and 
 you'll do it well." 
 
 " I will not," said Gallagher. " Let the doctor 
 do it himself." 
 
 " There's no man in Connacht better fit to draw 
 up an inscription of the kind," said Father McCor- 
 mack, " than Mr. Gallagher." 
 
 Thady Gallagher was susceptible to flattery. He 
 would have liked very well to draw up an inscription 
 for the statue, modelling it on the resolutions which 
 he was accustomed to propose at political meetings 
 in favour of Home Rule. But he was faced with 
 what seemed to him an insuperable difficulty. He 
 did not know who General John Regan was. 
 
 " Let the doctor do it," he said reluctantly. 
 
 " Whoever does it," said Doyle, " it'll have to be
 
 244 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 done at once. My nephew said that on account of 
 the way we are pressed for time he'd be glad if the 
 words of the inscription was wired to him to-day." 
 
 " It would, maybe, be better," said Father 
 McCormack, " if you were to do it, doctor. We'll 
 all be sorry that the words don't come from the 
 accomplished pen of our respected fellow citizen 
 Mr. Gallagher " 
 
 " I'll not do it," said Gallagher, " for I wouldn't 
 know what to say." 
 
 " Write it out and have done with it, O'Grady," 
 said the Major. " What's the good of keeping us 
 sitting here all day ? " 
 
 " Very well," said Dr. O'Grady. " After all, it's 
 not much trouble. How would this do ? ' General 
 John Regan Patriot Soldier Statesman Vivat 
 Bolivia.' " 
 
 " We couldn't do better," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " What's the meaning of the poetry at the end 
 of it ? " said Gallagher. 
 
 "It's not poetry," said Dr. O'Grady, "and it 
 doesn't mean much. It's the Latin for * Long live 
 Bolivia.' " 
 
 Gallagher rose to his feet. He had been obliged 
 to confess himself unable to write an inscription ; 
 but he was thoroughly well able to make a speech. 
 
 " Considering," lie said, " that the town of Bally- 
 moy is in the Province of Connacht, which is one 
 of the provinces of Ireland, and considering the 
 unswerving attachment through long centuries of 
 alien oppression which the Irish people have shown
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 245 
 
 to the cause of national independence, it's my 
 opinion that there should be something in the 
 inscription, be the same more or less, about Home 
 Rule. What I say, and what I've always said " 
 
 " Very well," said Dr. O'Grady, " I'll put 'Esto 
 Perpetua,' if you like. It's the same number of 
 letters, and it's what Grattan said about the last 
 Home Rule Parliament. That ought to satisfy 
 you, and I'm sure the Major won't mind." 
 
 " I'm pretty well past minding anything now," 
 said the Major. 
 
 " There's no example in history," said Gallagher, 
 " of determined devotion to a great cause equal 
 to that of the Irish people who have been returning 
 Members of Parliament pledged to the demand 
 which has been made with unfaltering tongue on 
 the floor of the House at Westminster " 
 
 " Get a telegraph form, Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " and copy out that inscription while Thady is 
 finishing his speech." 
 
 " There's one other point that I'd like to mention," 
 said Doyle, " and it's this " 
 
 "Wait a minute, Thady," said Dr. O'Grady 
 " We'll just deal with this point of Doyle's and then 
 you'll be able to go on without interruption. What 
 is it, Doyle ? " 
 
 " My nephew says," said Doyle, " that he'd be glad 
 of a cheque on account for the statue ; he having 
 been put to a good deal of out-of-pocket expense." 
 
 "Very well," said Dr. O'Grady, "send him 25. 
 Now go on, Thady."
 
 246 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Is it me send him 25 ? " said Doyle doubtfully. 
 
 " Of course it's you. You're the treasurer." 
 
 " But it's you has Mr. Billing's cheque," said 
 Doyle. 
 
 " I haven't got Mr. Billing's cheque," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 
 
 " If you haven't," said Doyle, helplessly, " who 
 has ? " 
 
 " It's my belief," said Gallagher, in a tone of 
 extreme satisfaction, " that there's no cheque in it." 
 
 " Do you mean to say, Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " that you've been such a besotted idiot as to let 
 that American escape out of this without paying over 
 his subscription for the statue ? " 
 
 " You'll never see him again," said Gallagher. 
 ** He's not the first man that skipped the country 
 after letting everybody in." 
 
 " Gentlemen, gentlemen," said Father McCormack, 
 ** order, please, order." 
 
 " We'll have to drop the whole thing now," said 
 the Major, " and I must say I'm extremely glad." 
 
 " I'm no more an idiot than you are yourself, 
 doctor," said Doyle, " and I won't have language of 
 the kind used to me. How was I to know he hadn't 
 given you the cheque ? " 
 
 " You were the treasurer," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " What on earth is a treasurer for if he doesn't get 
 in the subscriptions ? " 
 
 " That nephew of yours will have his statue on 
 his hands a bit longer," said Gallagher. 
 
 He still spoke in a tone of satisfaction ; but even
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 247 
 
 as he contemplated the extreme disappointment of 
 Doyle's nephew it occurred to him that there might 
 be a difficulty about paying his own bill for 3. 
 The same thought struck Father McCormack. 
 
 " Gentlemen," he said, " there's been an unfor- 
 tunate mistake, but it might be worse." 
 
 ** That American fellow has us robbed," said 
 Gallagher. 
 
 " We'll prosecute him when we catch him," said 
 Doyle. 
 
 " It might be worse," said Father McCormack. 
 " We haven't spent very much yet. The dresses 
 for Mary Ellen can hardly have been put in hand 
 yet, so we won't have to pay for them." 
 
 " There's my bill," said Gallagher. 
 
 " So there's only Mr. Gallagher's little account," 
 said Father McCormack. 
 
 " We'll have a house-to-house collection," said 
 Doyle, " till we get the money raised." 
 
 " Don't be a blithering idiot, Doyle," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " How can you go round and ask people 
 to subscribe to " 
 
 " Gentlemen, gentlemen," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " We must fall back upon the subscription list 
 that was published in the Connacht Eagle" 
 said the Major. " As well as I recollect we all 
 promised " 
 
 " Nobody promised anything," said Doyle " It 
 was Dr. O'Grady that promised for us, and before 
 I pay a penny for a man that owes me more this 
 minute than he can pay "
 
 248 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 "Oh, do shut up, Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " What's the good of raking up the past ? What 
 we've got to do now is to find a way out of the 
 confounded hole we've been let into through your 
 incompetence and carelessness." 
 
 " I'm down for 5," said the Major, " and I'll 
 consider that I'm very well out of this business if I 
 have to pay no more. I'd rather give five pounds 
 any day than stand by watching Mary Ellen and 
 the Lord-Lieutenant making faces at a second-hand 
 statue." 
 
 " It's a handsome offer, so it is," said Father 
 McConnack, " and the thanks of the meeting " 
 
 " I'll not pay a penny," said Doyle, " and what's 
 more, if the doctor doesn't pay me what he owes me 
 I'll put him into the County Court." 
 
 " It's you that'll have to pay," said Gallagher, 
 " whether you like it or not." 
 
 " I'm damned if I do," said Doyle. 
 
 " Gentlemen, gentlemen," said Father McCormack, 
 " will you mind what you're saying ? That's no 
 language to be using, Mr. Doyle ; and I don't think 
 the doctor has any right not that I mind myself 
 what you say, for I'm not particular ; but if it was 
 to get out to the ears of the general public that this 
 meeting had been conducting itself in ways that's 
 very far from being reputable " 
 
 " There's no general public here," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " and that's just as well." 
 
 "What I'm trying to tell you," said Father 
 McCormack, " and what I would tell you if you'd
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 249 
 
 listen to me, is that there's somebody knocking at 
 the door of the room we're in, and whoever it is must 
 have heard every word that's been said this last 
 five minutes." 
 
 Doyle and Gallagher stopped growling at each 
 other when the priest spoke. Dr. O'Grady sat 
 upright in his chair and bent his head towards the 
 door. There was a moment's silence in the room, 
 and a very faint, as it were an apologetic, knock was 
 heard at the door. 
 
 " Come in," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 Mary Ellen opened the door and looked in. She 
 appeared to be rather frightened. If, as Father 
 McCormack supposed, she heard every word spoken 
 during the previous five minutes, she had very good 
 reason for feeling nervous. She had a still better 
 reason a moment later when Doyle caught sight of 
 her. Doyle had completely lost command of his 
 temper. 
 
 " Get away out of that, Mary Ellen," he said, 
 " and if I catch sight of you here again before I call 
 for you I'll have the two ears cut off you and yourself 
 sent home to your mother with them in a paper 
 parcel in the well of the car." 
 
 Curiously enough this appalling threat seemed 
 to cheer Mary Ellen a little. She smiled. 
 
 ** Mrs. Gregg says " she said. 
 
 " If you're not outside the door and it shut after 
 you before I've done speaking I'll do what I've said 
 and worse on top of that," said Doyle. 
 
 " I won't have Mary Ellen bullied," said Dr.
 
 250 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 O'Grady. " It's all you're fit for, Doyle, to frighten 
 helpless little girls. If you'd talked that way to 
 Billing when he was trying to run away without , 
 paying " 
 
 " You're a nice one to talk about paying," said 
 Doyle. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady left his seat and walked over to the 
 door. 
 
 " What is it now, Mary Ellen ? " he said. 
 
 " Mrs. Gregg says," she said, " will I be wearing 
 a hat or will I not ? " 
 
 " Go back to Mrs. Gregg," said Dr. O'Grady, " and 
 tell her that you will not wear a hat, but you'll have 
 your hair tied up with a green silk ribbon to match 
 your stockings. Would you like that ? " 
 
 " I'd as soon have a hat," said Mary Ellen, " and 
 Mr. Moriarty says " 
 
 "Surely to goodness," said Dr. O'Grady, "he 
 hasn't been helping to order your clothes ! " 
 
 " He has not," said Mary Ellen, " but he was 
 outside the barrack and me coming along the 
 street " 
 
 " He always is," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " And he said to me that it wouldn't do for me 
 to be dressed up any way foolish like." 
 
 ** Let Constable Moriarty mind his own business," 
 said Dr. O'Grady. " You go back and tell Mrs. 
 Gregg what I say." 
 
 The other members of the committee sat listening 
 with amazed interest to all Dr. O'Grady said to 
 Mary Ellen. Even Doyle was too much astonished
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 251 
 
 to attempt an interruption. He said nothing till 
 the doctor, having dismissed Mary Ellen, returned 
 to the table. Then he spoke. 
 
 " And who's going to pay for the green ribbon 
 which is to go along with the stockings ? Who's 
 going to pay for it ? That's what I'm asking you. 
 You needn't be thinking that I will." 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Dr. O'Grady, " I owe you all 
 an apology. I'm afraid I lost my temper for a 
 minute or two. Father McCormack, I beg your 
 pardon, and if I said as I fear I did say anything 
 disrespectful to you as chairman " 
 
 " Don't speak another word, Doctor," said Father 
 McCormack, " you've said enough. Sure any one 
 might have been betrayed into a strong expression 
 when he was provoked. Not that you said a word 
 to me that you've any reason to be sorry for." 
 
 " Major Kent," said Dr. O'Grady, " if I've in any 
 way insulted you " 
 
 " Not worse than usual," said Major Kent. " I'm 
 quite accustomed to it." 
 
 " Mr. Doyle," said the doctor, " I'm afraid that 
 in the heat of the moment I may have but I can 
 do no more than ask your pardon " 
 
 ** I don't care a thraneen," said Doyle, " what you 
 called me, and I'll give you leave to call me that 
 and more every day of the week if you see your way 
 to get the 100 out of the American gentleman." 
 
 " I can't do that," said Dr. O'Grady, " but I have 
 a proposal to lay before the meeting which I think 
 will get us out of our difficulty."
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 " LET you speak out," said Doyle, " and if so be 
 that you're not asking us to pay up " 
 
 " I think we may take it for granted, gentlemen," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " that if we produce a creditable 
 statue for the Lord-Lieutenant to unveil and give 
 him a really gratifying illuminated address " 
 
 " The statue and the illuminated address would 
 be all right," said Doyle, " if there was any way of 
 paying for them." 
 
 " And a bouquet," said Dr. O'Grady, " and a 
 good luncheon. If we do all that and make ourselves 
 generally agreeable by means of Mary Ellen and in 
 other ways the Lord-Lieutenant couldn't very well 
 refuse to give us a grant of Government money to 
 build a pier." 
 
 " It's likely he'd give it," said Father McCormack, 
 " it's likely enough that he'd give it if we " 
 
 " He couldn't well not," said Doyle, " after us 
 giving him a lunch and all." 
 
 " If so be," said Gallagher, " that he was to refuse 
 at the latter end we'd have questions asked about 
 him in Parliament ; and believe you me that's what 
 he wouldn't like. Them fellows is terrible afraid of 
 the Irish Members. And they've a good right to be, 
 
 262
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 253 
 
 for devil the finer set of men you'd see anywhere than 
 what they are. There isn't a thing goes wrong in 
 the country but they're ready to torment the life 
 out of whoever might be responsible for the man that 
 did it." 
 
 "Very well," said Dr. O'Grady. "Now do we 
 want a pier ? " 
 
 " We want the money," said Doyle. 
 
 " I don't know," said Father McCormaek, " could 
 we get the money without we'd build a pier when 
 we'd got it." 
 
 " My point is," said Dr. O'Grady, " that the pier 
 itself, the actual stone structure sticking out into 
 the sea, being no particular use to any one once it's 
 built " 
 
 " It'd be a public nuisance," said the Major. 
 
 " We can do very well with an inferior kind of 
 pier," said Dr. O'Grady. "What I mean to say 
 is we might spend a little less than we're actually 
 given." 
 
 " What about the inspector they'd send down ? " 
 said Doyle. 
 
 " Them inspectors," said Gallagher, " is as thick 
 about the country as fleas on a dog. Hardly ever 
 a man would turn round without he'd have one of 
 them asking him what he was doing it for." 
 
 For once Gallagher had spoken in a way that was 
 acceptable to the other members of the committee. 
 There was a general murmur of assent. Everyone 
 present was more or less conscious of the enormous 
 number of inspectors in Ireland. Even Major
 
 254 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Kent, who had been in a bad temper all along, 
 brightened up a little. 
 
 *' I was reading a paper the other day," he said, 
 " that 80 per cent, of the adult population of Leinster, 
 Munster and Connacht, were paid by the Govern- 
 ment to teach the other people how to get their 
 livings, and to see that they did what they were 
 told. That included schoolmasters." 
 
 " I shouldn't wonder now," said Father McCor- 
 mack, " that those figures would be about 
 right." 
 
 " It was only the week before last," said Doyle, 
 " that there was a man stopping in my hotel, a 
 man that looked as if he was earning a comfortable 
 salary, and he " 
 
 Doyle spoke in the tone of a man who is going 
 to tell a long and leisurely story. Dr. O'Grady, 
 who had heard the story before, interrupted him. 
 
 " Of course we'd have to talk to the inspector 
 when he comes," he said. 
 
 "You'd do that, O'Grady," said the Major. 
 " You'd talk to a bench of bishops." 
 
 " I'm not sure," said Father McCormack, " that 
 I quite see what the doctor's getting at." 
 
 " It's simple enough," said Dr. O'Grady. " Sup- 
 pose he offers us 500 for a pier he can't well make 
 it less " 
 
 " It'll be more," said Doyle optimistically. " It'll 
 be nearer a thousand pounds." 
 
 " Say 500," said Dr. O'Grady. " What I pro- 
 pose is that we spend 400 on a pier and use the
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 255 
 
 other hundred to pay for the statue and the rest 
 of the things we have to get." 
 
 " Bedamn," said Doyle, " but that's great. 
 ' That's the best ever I heard." 
 
 Major Kent rose to his feet. He was very red 
 in the face, and there was a look of rigid determina- 
 tion in his eyes. 
 
 " I may as well tell you at once," he said, " that 
 I'll have nothing to do with any such plan." 
 
 " Why not ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Because I'm an honest man. I raised no par- 
 ticular objection when you merely proposed to 
 make a fool of me and everybody else concerned " 
 
 ** You've done very little else except raise objec- 
 tions," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " But when it comes to a deliberate act of 
 dishonesty ' ' 
 
 " That's a hard word, so it is," said Doyle. 
 
 " It's not a bit too hard," said the Major, " and 
 I say it again. Dishonesty. I won't have any- 
 thing to do " 
 
 " The Major's right," said Father McCormack, 
 " there's no denying it, the Major's right." 
 
 " He would be right," said Dr. O'Grady, " he'd 
 be perfectly right' if there were any dishonesty about 
 the matter. I hope it isn't necessary for me to say 
 that if I thought the plan a dishonest one I'd be 
 the last man in Ireland to propose it." 
 
 " Of course, of course," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " The doctor wouldn't do the like," said 
 Doyle.
 
 256 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Sure we all know that," said Father McCormack, 
 " but the objection that the Major has raised " 
 
 " It's all very well talking," said the Major. 
 " But talking won't alter facts. It is dishonest to 
 get a grant of money for one purpose and use it 
 for something totally different." 
 
 " I'm not quite sure," said Dr. O'Grady, " whether 
 you quite understand the philosophy of modern 
 charity, Major." 
 
 " I understand the ten commandments," said the 
 Major, " and that's enough for me." 
 
 " Nobody's saying a word against the ten com- 
 mandments," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " You're going to do something against one of 
 them," said the Major, " and that's worse. If 
 you merely said things against them I shouldn't 
 mind. We all know that you'd say anything." 
 
 " You're begging the question, Major, you really 
 are. Now listen to me. What's the ordinary 
 recognised way of raising large sums of money for 
 charitable objects ? Some kind of bazaar, isn't 
 it?" 
 
 "It is," said Father McCormack. "There's 
 hardly ever a winter but there's one or two of them 
 up in Dublin for hospitals or the like." 
 
 " Very well," said Dr. O'Grady. " What happens 
 when a bazaar is held ? " 
 
 " It doesn't matter to us what happens," said the 
 Major. " We're not holding one." 
 - ijf " Let the doctor speak," said Doyle. 
 
 " What happens is this," said Dr. O'Grady. " A
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 257 
 
 large sum of money, very often an enormous sum, 
 is spent on getting up switch-back railways, and 
 Alpine panoramas, and underground rivers, and 
 old English villages. Those things are absolutely 
 necessary to the success of the show. They cost 
 thousands of pounds sometimes. Now, who pays 
 for them ? The charity pays, and is jolly glad to. 
 The price of them is deducted from the gross receipts 
 and the balance is handed over to the hospital. Is 
 there anything dishonest about that ? " 
 
 " There is not, of course," said Father McCormack. 
 '* It's always done." 
 
 " Wouldn't a bishop do it ? A bishop of any 
 church ? " 
 
 ** Lots of them do," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " Well, if a bishop would do it, it can't be dis- 
 honest," said Dr. O'Grady. " You'll agree to 
 that, I suppose, Major ? You won't want to accuse 
 the hierarchy of Ireland, Protestant and Roman 
 Catholic, of flying in the face of the ten command- 
 ments." 
 
 The Major had sat down again. While Dr. 
 O'Grady was speaking he turned his chair half 
 round and stared out of the window. He wished 
 to convey the impression that he was not listening 
 to a word that was said. When Dr. O'Grady appealed 
 to him directly he turned round again and answered : 
 
 " It's dishonest to take money given for one pur- 
 pose and use it for another," he said. 
 
 " I'm with you there, Major," said Father McCor- 
 mack. " I'm with you there." 
 
 R
 
 258 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Are you prepared," said Dr. O'Grady, " to go 
 back on the whole theory of necessary expenses ? 
 Would you refuse to allow the unfortunate secre- 
 tary of a charitable society to refund himself for the 
 postage stamps he uses in sending out his appeals ? " 
 
 " Secretaries have nothing to do with us," said 
 the Major. " This is a simple question of right and 
 wrong." 
 
 " You haven't quite caught my point yet," said 
 Dr. O'Grady patiently. "What I'm trying to 
 explain to you is this : we're in exactly the same 
 position as the charity that's getting up a bazaar. 
 In order to make the money we want for the good of 
 the town the good of the town, mind you, Major 
 that's a worthy object." 
 
 " A pier wouldn't be any good if you had it," said 
 the Major. 
 
 " A lot of money would be spent building it," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, " and that would do us all good. 
 But in order to get a pier we must incur some ex- 
 pense. We shan't get the pier unless we succeed in 
 enticing a Lord-Lieutenant down here." 
 
 "You will not," said Doyle. "It's waste of 
 time writing letters to those fellows, for they don't 
 read them." 
 
 " And we can't get the Lord-Lieutenant down 
 unless we have a statue for him to unveil," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. 
 
 " He wouldn't come without he had something of 
 the sort," said Father McCormack. " That's sure.'? 
 
 " Therefore," said Dr. O'Grady, " the statue is a
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 269 
 
 necessary part of our expenses in getting the pier. 
 So is the illuminated address. So is the bouquet. 
 And we're just as well entitled to charge what they 
 all cost us against the money we succeed in making, 
 as the secretary of a charitable bazaar is to debit 
 his gross earnings with the hire of the hall in which 
 the show is held." 
 
 " Now that you put it in that way," said Father 
 McCormack, " I can see well that there's something 
 in what you say." 
 
 " Honesty and dishonesty are two different 
 things," said the Major. 
 
 " Don't keep on making those bald and senseless 
 assertions," said Dr. O'Grady. " Even an income 
 tax collector, and he's the most sceptical kind of 
 man there is with regard to assertions about money 
 but even he allows his victims to deduct the 
 expenses necessarily incurred in making their in- 
 comes from the gross amount which they return to 
 him. You can't want to go behind the income tax 
 authorities, Major." 
 
 " It's all very well arguing," said the Major, " and 
 I can't answer you when you confuse things in the 
 way you do. But I know perfectly well that it 
 isn't right " ' 
 
 " We'll do what the doctor says, anyway," said 
 Doyle. "Doesn't the Government rob the whole 
 of us every day more than ever we'll be able to rob 
 it?" 
 
 "There's something in that, too," said Father 
 McCormack.
 
 260 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Curiously enough Doyle's statement produced 
 far more effect on Major Kent's mind than the 
 elaborate arguments of Dr. O'Grady. He was 
 accustomed to gnash his teeth over the burden of 
 taxation laid upon him. He had often, in private 
 conversation, described governments, especially 
 Liberal Governments, as bandits and thieves. 
 
 " We are robbed," he said. " I admit that. 
 What with the extra tax on unearned income and 
 the insurance of servants against accidents, and 
 this infernal new unemployment insurance, and the 
 death duties, and " 
 
 " There was a report of the Financial Relations 
 Commission," said Gallagher, " which presented a 
 case on behplf of Ireland that showed " 
 
 " Don't drag in politics, Thady," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " The Major admits that he's robbed. That ought 
 to be enough for you. Now, Major, if you were 
 attacked by a highwayman " 
 
 " I didn't say the Government was a highway- 
 man," said the Major. 
 
 " You said it was a robber. Didn't he, Father 
 McCormack ? " 
 
 44 He said it had him robbed," said Father McCor- 
 mack, with the air of a man who is carefully making 
 a fine distinction. 
 
 " That's exactly the same thing. Now, Major, 
 if a robber stole your money, wouldn't you take the 
 first chance you could of getting it back ? You 
 know you would. We all would. And would you 
 call that dishonesty ? You would not. Now we're
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 261 
 
 offering you the chance of getting something back, 
 a mere trifle, but still something, out of a Govern- 
 ment which, as you admit, has robbed you. Why 
 on earth do you start making a fuss ? " 
 
 " I can't argue with you, O'Grady," said the 
 Major, " but you're wrong." 
 
 "What's the good of talking?" said Doyle. 
 " We'll do what the doctor says." 
 
 " Your nephew won't be able to get that advance 
 he asked for," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Let him not," said Doyle. " I don't pity him. 
 He'll get his money in the end." 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Father McCormack, " is it 
 your will that the plan now laid before the meeting 
 by Dr. O'Grady, be adopted ? " 
 
 " It is," said Gallagher. 
 
 " What else is there for us to do ? " said Doyle. 
 
 " You may take me as dissenting," said the Major. 
 
 " I'll make a note of that in the minutes," said 
 Dr. O'Grady, " and then your conscience will be 
 perfectly clear, no matter what happens." 
 
 " Well, gentlemen," said Father McCorrnack, " I 
 suppose that completes our arrangements for to-day. 
 When shall we have our next meeting ? " He rose 
 to his feet as he spoke. Everyone else rose too. 
 Major Kent put on his hat and walked towards the 
 door. When he reached it he turned. 
 
 " I shan't come to any more meetings," he said. 
 
 " I don't think there's any necessity to hold 
 another meeting," said Dr. O'Grady, " until after 
 the Lord-Lieutenant has left and the time comes for
 
 262 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 squaring up things. I shall be so busy between 
 this and the day of his visit that I shan't have time 
 to attend meetings." 
 
 " Very well," said Father McCormack. " I shall 
 be all the better pleased." 
 
 He left the room and followed Major Kent down 
 the stairs. 
 
 " Thady," said Doyle, " do you go down to the 
 bar, and I'll be with you in a minute. I've a word 
 to say to the doctor." 
 
 " I could do with a sup of porter after all that 
 talk," said Gallagher, as he left the room. 
 
 " Doctor," said Doyle, " if things turn out the 
 way we hope " 
 
 " I suppose you're knocking a commission out of 
 that nephew of yours for selling his statue for 
 him ? " 
 
 " Twenty-five per cent, is the amount agreed on. 
 It isn't everyone I'd tell, but I've confidence in you, 
 doctor." 
 
 " And if we get 500 for the pier ? " 
 
 " A middling good pier," said Doyle, " as good a 
 pier as anyone'd have a right to expect in a place 
 like this, might be built for 300." 
 
 " That'll put 120 into your pocket, Doyle, not 
 counting anything you may make on the luncheons ! " 
 
 "What I was meaning to say, doctor, is, that it 
 would be a satisfaction to me if there was something 
 coming to yourself. You deserve it." 
 
 " Thank you, Doyle ; but I'm not in this business 
 to make money."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 263 
 
 " It would be well," said Doyle with a sigh, " if 
 you'd make a little more now and again." 
 
 " If you're going to start about that wretched 
 bill I owe you " 
 
 " I am not then. Nor I won't mention it to you 
 until such time as you might be able to pay it. If 
 so be that things turn out the way you say I shouldn't 
 care " 
 
 " If you keep Gallagher waiting too long for his 
 drink," said Dr. O'Grady, " he'll start breaking 
 things. He must be uncommonly thirsty after all 
 the speeches he made this afternoon." 
 
 " That's true," said Doyle. " I'd maybe better 
 go to him." 
 
 Constable Moriarty stood just outside the door 
 of the hotel. He saluted Major Kent as he passed. 
 He touched his hat respectfully to Father McCor- 
 mack. He saw Gallagher come downstairs and 
 enter the bar. A few minutes later he saw Dr. 
 O'Grady. All traces of his usual smile vanished 
 from his face. He drew himself up stiffly, and his 
 eyes expressed something more than official severity. 
 When Dr. O'Grady passed through the door into the 
 street, Moriarty confronted him. 
 
 " I'm glad to-see," said Dr. O'Grady, " that you've 
 stopped grinning. It's quite time you did." 
 
 " It's not grins I'm talking about now," said 
 Moriarty. " It's Mary Ellen." 
 
 " Nice little girl, isn't she ? " 
 
 " It's a nice little girl you'll make of her before 
 you've done ! What's this I'm after hearing
 
 264 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 about the way you have in mind for dressing her 
 up?" 
 
 " Do be reasonable, Moriarty ! What's the good 
 of asking me what you've heard? I can't pos- 
 sibly know, for I wasn't there when you heard 
 it." 
 
 " You know well what I heard." 
 
 " Look here, Moriarty," said Dr. O'Grady. " If 
 you think I'm going to stand here to be bullied by 
 you in the public street i you're greatly mistaken. 
 Why don't you go and patrol somewhere ? " 
 
 " I'll not have Mary Ellen play-acting before the 
 Lord-Lieutenant, so now you know, doctor." 
 
 " There's no play-acting to be done," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " We haven't even had time to get up 
 a pageant. I wish we had. You'd look splendid 
 as a Roman Emperor trampling on a conquered 
 people. I'm not sure that I wouldn't get you up as 
 an Assyrian bull. The expression of your face is 
 just right this minute." 
 
 " Mary Ellen's an orphan girl," said Moriarty, 
 " with no father to look after her, and what's more 
 I'm thinking of marrying her myself. So it's as 
 well for you to understand, doctor, that I'll not 
 have her character took from her. It's not the 
 first time you've tried that same, but it had better 
 be the last." 
 
 " I don't know what you're talking about, Mori- 
 arty. There's nobody injuring the girl's character 
 except, maybe, yourself. Doyle tells me you're 
 never out of the backyard of the hotel."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 265 
 
 " You put it out that she was married to young 
 Kerrigan." 
 
 " That was Thady Gallagher," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " and it didn't do her a bit of harm. Nobody 
 except Mr. Billing believed it." 
 
 " I don't mind that so much now," said Moriarty, 
 " though I don't deny I was angry at the time, 
 but what I won't have is Mary Ellen dressed up to 
 be an ancient Irish colleen. It's not respectful to 
 the girl." 
 
 " You told me the other day that you want the 
 Lord-Lieutenant to make you a sergeant. Did you 
 mean that when you said it, or did you not ? " 
 
 " It's no way to make a sergeant of me to be 
 dressing up Mary Ellen." 
 
 " It's far the best way. When the Lord-Lieu- 
 tenant sees her and hears " 
 
 " It's not going to be done, anyway," said Mori- 
 arty, " for I won't have it." 
 
 " Listen to me now," said Dr. O'Grady, " and 
 you may take it that this is my last word, for I 
 haven't time to waste talking to you. If I catch 
 you interfering with Mary Ellen in any way or 
 setting the girl's mind up against the costume that 
 Mrs. Gregg has designed for her, I'll speak to Mr. 
 Gregg, and have you transferred to some different 
 county altogether, where you'll never see Mary 
 Ellen either in fancy dress or any other way. 
 What's more, I'll represent your conduct to the 
 Lord-Lieutenant, so that you'll never be made a 
 sergeant as long as you live."
 
 266 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 These threats affected Moriarty. He had no 
 doubt in his mind that Dr. O'Grady could and 
 would carry out the first of them. About the 
 second he was not quite so sure, but it remained a 
 horrible possibility. He saw that there was nothing 
 to be done by opposing his will to a powerful com- 
 bination of private influence and official power. 
 Without speaking another word he turned and 
 walked across the street to the barrack. But his 
 anger had by no means died away. He found 
 Sergeant Colgan asleep in the living-room. He 
 woke him at once. 
 
 " I'll be even with that doctor," he said, " before 
 I've done with him." 
 
 " That's threatening language," said the sergeant, 
 who was not pleased at being wakened, " and it's 
 actionable ; so you'd better mind yourself, Moriarty. 
 There's many a better man than you has gone to 
 gaol for less than that. I knew a Member of Par- 
 liament one time that got three weeks for no more 
 than saying that he'd like to see the people beating 
 the life out of a land grabber. What has the doctor 
 been doing to you ? " 
 
 " It's about Mary Ellen." 
 
 " Get out," said the sergeant, " you and your 
 Mary Ellen ! It's too fond you are of running here 
 and there after that same Mary Ellen." 
 
 It was plain that no sympathy was to be expected 
 from Sergeant Colgan. Moriarty sat down on a 
 chair in the corner and meditated on plans of ven- 
 geance. The sergeant dropped off to sleep again.
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 ACCORDING to the official programme so described 
 by Dr. O'Grady the Lord-Lieutenant and Lady 
 Chesterton were to arrive in Ballymoy by motor-car 
 at half-past twelve o'clock. There might be two 
 motor-cars. That depended on the number of 
 aides-de-camp and suite whom the Lord-Lieutenant 
 brought with him. There would certainly be one, 
 and Doyle had the coach-house hi his back yard 
 emptied and carefully cleaned to serve for the 
 garage. Everything in the town was ready before 
 half-past ten. The statue had been erected on its 
 pedestal the day before and excited general admira- 
 tion. Even Major Kent admitted that it was a 
 striking work of art which would be an ornament 
 to the town. The deceased Deputy-Lieutenant 
 was dressed in flowing robes which resembled those 
 worn by judges. He held a large roll, intended to 
 represent parchment, in his left hand. This, Dr. 
 O'Grady said, might very well be taken for the 
 original draft of the Bolivian Constitution. His 
 right hand pointed upwards with extended fore- 
 finger. In the case of the Deputy-Lieutenant, who 
 was almost certainly a strong Unionist, this may 
 have symbolised an appeal to the higher powers 
 
 267
 
 268 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 the House of Lords, or even the King to refuse con- 
 sent to a Home Rule Bill. When the statue ceased 
 to be a Deputy-Lieutenant and became General 
 John Regan the attitude was taken to express his 
 confidence in the heavenly nature of the national 
 liberty which he had won for Bolivia. This was the 
 explanation of the uplifted forefinger which Dr. 
 O'Grady offered to Thady Gallagher. But Gal- 
 lagher was curiously sulky and suspicious. He 
 seemed unimpressed. 
 
 Doyle's nephew came down to Ballymoy and 
 personally superintended the fixing of the statue 
 on its pedestal. He complained that the cement 
 supplied for the purpose by his uncle was of very 
 inferior quality, and expressed grave doubts about 
 the stability of the structure. Dr. O'Grady did not 
 seem very anxious. He hinted that the people of 
 Ballymoy would be quite satisfied if the statue 
 stood for twenty-four hours. The weather was 
 exceptionally fine and calm. There was no reason 
 if the unveiling were carefully done why Doyle's 
 cement should be subjected to any strain whatever. 
 
 At nine o'clock on the morning of the Lord- 
 Lieutenant's visit, Dr. O'Grady, with the help of 
 Doyle and two labourers, who had three step-ladders, 
 veiled the statue. They draped it from the head 
 to the bottom of the pedestal in a large sheet of 
 blay calico of a light yellowish colour. This was 
 carefully done, and an elaborate arrangement of 
 string was made, leading out from the statue to the 
 place where the Lord-Lieutenant was to stand.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 269 
 
 Dr. O'Grady satisfied himself by a series of experi- 
 ments that the apparatus would work. At a single 
 pull at the end of the string the whole sheet fluttered 
 to the ground and exposed the Deputy-Lieutenant 
 to public view. 
 
 It was ten o'clock before these arrangements were 
 completed and the step ladders taken away. Dr. 
 O'Grady went into the barrack and warned Sergeant 
 Colgan that he would be held personally responsible 
 if any curious wayfarer pulled the string before the 
 proper time. Sergeant Colgan at once ordered 
 Moriarty to mount guard over the statue. Dr. 
 O'Grady went over to the hotel and inspected the 
 luncheon table. He had laid it himself the night 
 before, so he felt fairly confident that everything 
 was as it should be ; but he was not inclined to 
 run any risks. It was just possible that Doyle, 
 acting on advice from somebody else, might have 
 altered the position of the spoons and forks during 
 the night. 
 
 " It'll be after lunch," said Dr. O'Grady, " that 
 we'll introduce the subject of a pier." 
 
 " Then or sooner," said Doyle. 
 
 " Hints will have been given before that," said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " Father McCormack has promised 
 to touch on the undeveloped condition of our fishing 
 industry when he's making his introductory remarks 
 previous to the unveiling of the statue. If I get 
 half a chance, I mean to point out what excellent 
 stones there are in that old mill of yours. The 
 matter is distinctly alluded to at the end of the
 
 270 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 illuminated address, but I'm afraid they're not 
 likely to read that till they get back to Dublin, if 
 then. I suppose, by the way, the address has 
 arrived all right ? " 
 
 " It has," said Doyle, " but I haven't it unpacked 
 yet. It's in a case." 
 
 " We'd better have it quite ready. Get a screw- 
 driver, will you, and a hammer." 
 
 The address turned out to be very large indeed 
 and most magnificently coloured. In the top left- 
 hand corner was a small photograph of the market 
 square of Ballymoy, without the statue. In the 
 right-hand corner was a picture, supplied by Mr. 
 Aloysius Doyle, of the statue itself. In the bottom 
 left-hand corner was a photograph of the Viceregal 
 Lodge in the Phoenix Park, and opposite it a por- 
 trait of the Lord-Lieutenant in his state robes. 
 The whole left-hand side of the address was occupied 
 by an immensely complicated design made up of 
 spirals, serpents, and trumpet pattern ornaments, 
 which twisted in and out of each other in a way 
 most bewildering to the eye. This was supposed 
 to represent the manner in which ancient Irish 
 artists made the letter " t," when they were not in a 
 hurry. " T " is the first letter of the word " to " 
 with which the actual address began. The words 
 " Excellency," " Lord," and " Lieutenant " were 
 similarly honoured with capital letters of Celtic 
 design, but inferior size. " Ireland," which came 
 on a line to itself, was blazoned in red and green, on 
 a background of dull gold, laid on smoothly, and
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 271 
 
 afterwards dinted here and there with some instru- 
 ment which must have resembled a blunt pin. The 
 rest of the letterpress was done in crooked, angular 
 characters, very ornamental to look at, but most 
 difficult to read. 
 
 " It's a good address, so it is," said Doyle, " and 
 worth the money, though, mind you, it was a big 
 lot we gave for it. A cheaper one would have done 
 well enough." 
 
 " I call it cheap at the price," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " I'd no idea you could get so much for 4. Now 
 what about the bouquet ? " 
 
 " I have it in a jug of water," said Doyle, ** under 
 the counter of the bar. I thought it would be 
 better in water the way it would be fresh." 
 
 " Quite right. But be sure you wipe the stalks 
 before you give it to Mrs. Gregg. It doesn't so 
 much matter about Lady Chesterton. She must 
 be pretty well accustomed to handling damp bou- 
 quets. But I'd be sorry to spoil Mrs. Gregg's new 
 gloves. She's sure to have new gloves. By the 
 way, what's being done about getting Mary Ellen 
 ready ? That girl can't be trusted to dress herself." 
 
 " Mrs. Gregg is putting the clothes on her this 
 minute," said D'oyle, " above in the best bedroom. 
 She said she'd do it early so as she'd have tune after 
 to go home and dress herself." 
 
 " There's been no trouble with Moriarty, I sup- 
 pose ? I told you about the way he threatened 
 me, didn't I ? " 
 
 " He hasn't said a word to me, but he's a fellow
 
 272 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 I wouldn't trust further than I can see him, and he's 
 had an ugly look about him this three days, like as 
 if he had some mischief in his mind." 
 
 " I wouldn't trust him either," said Dr. O'Grady ; 
 " but I don't see what he could do. He wouldn't 
 venture to meddle with the statue, would he ? 
 Tangle up the strings we have tied to the sheet or 
 anything of that sort ? " 
 
 " He would not ; for he knows well it would be 
 the worse for him if he did. It's not likely Mr. 
 Gregg would overlook it if Moriarty did anything 
 that put a stop to Mrs. Gregg presenting the bouquet." 
 
 " We'll have to chance it any way, and I don't see 
 that he can do much except sulk, and that won't 
 hurt us. I think I'll be getting home now, Doyle. 
 I have to shave and generally clean up a bit before 
 the Viceregal party arrives. You don't own a 
 silk hat, I suppose ? " 
 
 " I do not. What would I have the like for ? " 
 
 " You might have worn it if you had," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " My own is so old that I'm ashamed to 
 put it on. However, it doesn't really matter. Both 
 the Major and Father McCormack are sure to have 
 them, so the Lord-Lieutenant won't notice that you 
 and I haven't, and nobody would expect much from 
 Thady Gallagher. After all, our hats will be in our 
 hands most of the time, and we can keep them 
 behind our backs." 
 
 At half-past eleven Mary Ellen and Mrs. Gregg 
 came out of the hotel together. Mary Ellen's cos- 
 tume was beautifully complete. An English tourist
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 273 
 
 accustomed to buy the coloured picture postcards 
 with which the Germans obligingly supply our shops, 
 would have recognised her at once as an Irish colleen. 
 Her stockings were of the brightest shade of green. 
 Her shoes, which were highly polished, had aggres- 
 sively square toes and enormous steel buckles which 
 flashed in the sunlight as she walked. Her skirt 
 reached half way down the calves of her legs. It 
 was of crimson flannel, made very wide. A green 
 and black tartan shawl was fastened round her 
 with a large Tara brooch which also held in its place 
 a trail of shamrock. Underneath the shawl she had 
 a green silk blouse. It showed very little, but it 
 exactly matched her stockings. Her hair was 
 brushed smoothly back from her forehead, and cov- 
 ered with a black and white-checked kerchief tied 
 beneath her chin and falling in a neat triangle at the 
 nape of her neck. Mrs. Gregg, who was naturally 
 very pleased, led Mary Ellen over to the statue, 
 placed her beside it, and told her not to move or in 
 any way disorder her dress. Then she herself hur- 
 ried away. 
 
 Constable Moriarty, who was on guard beside the 
 statue, scowled at Mary Ellen. He approached her 
 slowly, walked round her, surveyed her from every 
 point of view, and then snorted with intense dis- 
 approval. 
 
 ' Your mother wouldn't know you," he said. 
 
 Mary Ellen smiled. She was greatly pleased at 
 her own appearance and chose to take Moriarty's 
 remark as a compliment. 
 
 S
 
 274 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " She might not," she said, in a tone of evident 
 delight. 
 
 Moriarty intended to say more ; but at that 
 moment the town band began to play. Young 
 Kerrigan had collected the members of it early in 
 the day and kept them in a group outside his father's 
 shop. The arrival of Mary Ellen seemed to him to be 
 a suitable occasion for a tune. He gave a signal 
 and the band struck up. " Rich and rare were the 
 gems she wore " was the tune on which they 
 chanced. It was remarkably appropriate. The 
 band marched twice round the statue playing that 
 tune. With the last note it came to rest again in 
 its old position outside Kerrigan's shop. Then 
 Thady Gallagher came out of his office. He walked 
 over and looked at Mary Ellen. 
 
 " If you're not ashamed of yourself," he said, 
 " you ought to be." 
 
 " I am not, then," said Mary Ellen. 
 
 Gallagher turned to Moriarty. 
 
 " You're sure now," he said, " that the tune the 
 band is to play is the one you told me." 
 
 Moriarty grinned malevolently. 
 
 " I am sure," he said. 
 
 " For if you're playing any kind of a trick on 
 me " 
 
 " I am not. Amn't I wanting to get my knife into 
 the doctor the same as yourself ? " 
 
 " And why would you want that ? " 
 
 " It's on account of the way he has Mary Ellen 
 dressed up. Will you look at the girl ? "
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 275 
 
 Gallagher looked at her again, long and carefully. 
 
 " Play acting ! " said Moriarty, " and she's a 
 respectable girl. It's not decent, so it's not." 
 
 " If the tune's what you say it is," said Gallagher, 
 " it'll not be played in Ballymoy to-day nor any 
 other day. I'll put the fear of God into young 
 Kerrigan before he's an hour older." 
 
 Moriarty grinned again. It seemed that, with 
 the aid of Gallagher, he was going to hit Dr. O'Grady 
 on a vital spot. He understood the great importance 
 that was attached to the performance of "Rule 
 Britannia " by the band. Gallagher walked across 
 to young Kerrigan. 
 
 " I know now," he said, " what the tune is you're 
 meaning to play." 
 
 " If you know that," said Kerrigan, " you know 
 more than I do." 
 
 " None of your lies, now. Constable Moriarty is 
 after telling me the name of the tune." 
 
 " If you know it," said Kerrigan, " maybe you'll 
 tell me. Not that I care what the name of it is, 
 for it's a good tune, name or no name." 
 
 " You will care," said Gallagher. " You will 
 care before the day is out." 
 
 " Why don't you tell me the name of it, then, 
 if so be you know it ? " 
 
 " You know well why I don't tell you. It's because 
 I wouldn't defile my lips with the name of it, because 
 I wouldn't say the words that would be a disgrace 
 to any Irishman." 
 
 " You're mighty particular," said young Kerrigan.
 
 27fi GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " It would have to be a pretty bad name that's on 
 the tune if it's worse than what you said many a 
 time." 
 
 Gallagher was not in a mood to submit calmly to 
 taunts of this kind. He knew that he was perfectly 
 right in refusing to pronounce the name of the tune. 
 He was convinced that young Kerrigan knew, and 
 was able to talk as he did only because he was dead 
 to all sense of decency or shame. 
 
 " Let me tell you this," he said, " and it's my 
 last word. If that tune's played in Ballymoy to- 
 day it'll be the worse for you, and the worse for your 
 father, and the worse for all belonging to you. 
 Let you not play that tune, or the grass will be 
 growing on the step outside your father's shop before 
 any decent Nationalist will go into it to buy a bit 
 of meat. Them that makes their living off the 
 people will have to mind themselves that they don't 
 outrage the convictions of the people." 
 
 This was an awful threat, and it cowed young 
 Kerrigan a good deal. He did not believe that 
 Gallagher was capable of having it carried out to 
 the last extremity. The grass would not actually 
 grow on his father's doorstep, because the people of 
 the West of Ireland, though swift and passionate in 
 resentment, find a difficulty in keeping up a personal 
 quarrel long enough to permit of the growth of grass. 
 But a great deal of temporary inconvenience might 
 be caused by a boycott initiated by Gallagher and 
 taken up by the local branch of the League. Young 
 Kerrigan was shaken.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 277 
 
 " You'd better speak to the doctor about it," he 
 said. " It's his tune and not mine." 
 
 " I will speak to the doctor," said Gallagher. 
 " I'll speak to him in a way he won't like. I was 
 thinking all along he was up to some mischief with 
 that tune ; but I didn't know how bad it was till 
 Moriarty was talking to me this morning. Where 
 is the doctor ? " 
 
 " He was over in Doyle's hotel a minute ago," said 
 Kerrigan, " but I don't know is he there yet. He 
 might not be, for I seen him going out of it and along 
 the street." 
 
 " Wherever he is I'll make it hot for him," said 
 Gallagher, as he turned away. 
 
 " Constable Moriarty be damned," said young 
 Kerrigan softly but fervently as soon as Gallagher 
 was safely out of earshot. Gallagher stopped on 
 his way to the hotel to take another scornful look 
 at Mary Ellen. 
 
 " If your father that's dead was alive this day," 
 he said, " he'd turn you out of the house when he 
 seen you in them clothes." 
 
 Mary Ellen had no recollection of her father, who 
 had died before she was twelve months old, but she 
 was more hopeful about him than Gallagher seemed 
 to be. 
 
 " He might not," she said. 
 
 Then Father McCormack appeared, walking 
 briskly up the street from the presbytery. He was 
 wearing, as Dr. O'Grady had anticipated, a silk hat. 
 He had a very long and voluminous frock coat.
 
 278 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 He had even, and this marked his sense of the im- 
 portance of the occasion, made creases down the 
 fronts of his trousers. Gallagher went to meet him. 
 
 " Good-morning, Thady," said Father McCormack 
 cheerfully. " We're in great luck with the weather.'* 
 
 " Father," said Gallagher, " you were always one 
 that was heart and soul with the people of Ireland, 
 and it will make you sorry, so it will, sorry and angry, 
 to hear what I have to tell you." 
 
 Father McCormack felt uneasy. He did not know 
 what Gallagher meant to tell him, but he was uncom- 
 fortably conscious that the day of the Lord-Lieu- 
 tenant's visit might be a highly inconvenient time 
 for proving his devotion to the cause of the people. 
 The worst of devotion to any cause is that it makes 
 demands on the devotee at moments when it is most 
 difficult to fulfil them. Father McCormack tried 
 feebly to put off the evil hour. 
 
 " To-morrow, Thady, to-morrow," he said. 
 " There isn't time now. It's half-past eleven, and 
 the Lord-Lieutenant may be here any minute." 
 
 " Begging your reverence's pardon," said Gallagher 
 firmly, " but to-morrow will be too late. The 
 insult that is about to be offered to the people of this 
 locality will be offered to-day if a stop's not put to 
 it." 
 
 " Nonsense, Thady, nonsense, nobody is going to 
 insult us." 
 
 " You wouldn't know about it," said Gallagher, 
 " for you'd be the last man they'd dare to tell, 
 knowing well that you'd be as angry as I am myself.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 279 
 
 Do you know what the tune is that the doctor has 
 taught to the band ? " 
 
 Father McCormack did know, but he was very un- 
 willing to enter into a discussion of the subject with 
 Gallagher. 
 
 " Constable Moriarty," said Gallagher, " is after 
 telling me the name of the tune, and you'd be 
 surprised, so you would, if you heard it." 
 
 4 'You may be mistaken, Thady, you may be 
 mistaken. One time's very like another when it's 
 played on a band." 
 
 " I am not mistaken," said Gallagher, who was 
 beginning to feel suspicious about the priest's evident 
 desire to shelve the subject. 
 
 " And any way," said Father McCormack, " it's 
 
 the doctor that you'd better be speaking to about it." 
 
 " I will speak to him ; but he's not here presently." 
 
 " Try Doyle then," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " There he is coming out of the hotel. I haven't 
 
 time to go into the matter. I want to go over and 
 
 look at Mary Ellen." 
 
 He slipped away as he spoke, leaving Gallagher 
 standing, sulky and very suspicious, by himself. 
 Doyle, who had no reason to think that anything 
 had gone wrong, greeted him heartily. Gallagher 
 replied angrily. 
 
 " Do you know what tune it is that the band's going 
 to play ? " he said. 
 
 " You and your old tune ! " said Doyle. " You 
 had the life plagued out of me about that tune. 
 Can't you let it alone ? !-'
 
 280 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " I will not let it alone, for " 
 
 " Was it that you were talking to the priest 
 about ? " 
 
 " It was, and " 
 
 " I thought it might have been," said Doyle, " by 
 the look of him. Why can't you have sense, Thady, 
 instead of tormenting the whole town about a tune ? " 
 
 " It's my belief," said Gallagher, " that he knows 
 more about the tune than he'd care to own up to. 
 He and the doctor is in the conspiracy together." 
 
 " I'll not stand here listening to you talking 
 disrespectfully about the clergy," said Doyle with 
 a fine show of indignation. 
 
 He felt that he was on doubtful ground in discuss- 
 ing the tune, which might, for all he knew, be an 
 objectionable one. It was a satisfaction to be able 
 to put himself definitely in the right by protesting 
 against Gallagher's tendency to anti-clericalism. 
 
 " I'd be the last man in Ireland," said Gallagher, 
 " that would say a word against the clergy, but 
 when we get Home Rule and that won't be long 
 now, please God " 
 
 He paused impressively. 
 
 " Well," said Doyle, " what'll you do to the clergy 
 when you get Home Rule ? " 
 
 " There's some of them that will be put in their 
 places mighty quick, them that's opposing the will 
 of the people of Ireland behind their backs." 
 
 " If you mean Father McCormack, Thady, you'd 
 better go home before you've said what you'll be 
 sorry for."
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 281 
 
 " I'll not go home till I've told the doctor what 
 I think of him." 
 
 " Well, go and see him," said Doyle. " He's in 
 his house. When you come back you can tell me 
 what he says to you. That'll be better worth hear- 
 ing than anything you're likely to say to him." 
 
 Doyle looked round with an air of some satisfac- 
 tion when Gallagher left him. He had no doubt 
 that Dr. O'Grady would be able to deal satisfactorily 
 with the difficulty about the tune. Everything 
 else seemed to be going well. A considerable 
 number of people had already gathered in the square. 
 The band stood ready to play. Father McCormack 
 was apparently very much pleased with the appear- 
 ance of Mary Ellen. Constable Moriarty was on 
 guard over the statue, looking unusually stern. 
 Sergeant Colgan had come out of the barrack and 
 was exerting all his authority to keep back a number 
 of small children who wanted to investigate Mary 
 Ellen's costume. Every time any of them ap- 
 proached her with the intention of pulling her shawl 
 or testing by actual touch the material of her skirt, 
 Sergeant Colgan spoke majestically. 
 
 " Get away out of that," he said. " Get along 
 home out of that, the whole of yez." 
 
 The children did not, of course, obey him literally ; 
 but they always drew back from Mary Ellen when he 
 spoke, and it was generally at least a minute before 
 the boldest of them ventured to touch her again.
 
 CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 DOYLE'S satisfaction did not last long. 
 
 Major Kent drove into the town in his pony trap 
 and pulled up opposite the statue. He called to 
 Father McCormack, who had satisfied himself about 
 Mary Ellen's appearance, and was prowling round 
 the statue, making mild jokes about its ghostly 
 appearance. Doyle detected a note of urgency in 
 the Major's voice, and hurried across the square, 
 reaching the pony trap just as Father McCormack 
 did. 
 
 "So I hear," said the Major, "that the Lord- 
 Lieutenant's not coming after all." 
 
 For a moment neither Father McCormack nor 
 Doyle spoke at all. The rumour it could be no 
 more than a rumour to which the Major referred 
 was too terrible for immediate digestion. 
 
 " I shan't be sorry myself," said the Major, " if 
 he doesn't come. I've always thought we were 
 making fools of ourselves." 
 
 Then Doyle regained his power of speech. 
 
 " It's a lie," he said, " and whoever told it to you 
 is a liar. The Lord-Lieutenant can't not come." 
 
 " It'll be a curious thing, so it will," said Father 
 McCormack, "if he doesn't, but I can't believe it. 
 
 282
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN: 288 
 
 Who was it told you, Major, if you don't mind my 
 asking ? " 
 
 " It was Mr. Ford," said the Major. " He was 
 standing at his door as I drove past and he stopped 
 me to say that he'd just had a telegram from Dublin 
 Castle " 
 
 " I don't believe it," said Doyle. " I don't believe 
 a word of it. That fellow Ford was against us all 
 the time, and he's just saying this now to annoy us." 
 
 " He seemed to believe it himself," said the 
 Major. 
 
 " Where's the doctor ? " said Father McCormack. 
 " If there's any truth in it he'll be sure to know." 
 
 " If so be that such a telegram was sent," said 
 Doyle, " it'll be on account of something that fellow 
 Ford has been doing. He was always against us." 
 
 " Where's the doctor ? " said Father McCormack 
 helplessly. 
 
 " Probably bolted," said the Major. " If Ford's 
 news is true that's the only thing for the doctor to 
 do." 
 
 " He was with me half-an-hour ago," said Doyle, 
 " taking a look round at the luncheon and the rest 
 of it. He went away back to his house to clean 
 himself. If he knew But he didn't." 
 
 " I'll go and see him at once," said Father 
 McCormack. 
 
 " You'll find that he's cut and run," said the 
 Major. 
 
 " You needn't go, Father," said Doyle, " for Thady 
 Gallagher's just after going to him, and I see him
 
 284 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 coming back at the far end of the street this 
 minute." 
 
 Thady Gallagher pushed his way through the 
 crowd which had gathered thickly at the lower end 
 of the square. It was plain from the way he elbowed 
 the people who stood in his way that he was in a very 
 bad temper indeed. He strode up to the Major's 
 trap and began to speak at the top of his voice. 
 
 " Let me tell you this, gentlemen," he said ; " if 
 you deserve the name of gentlemen, which you don't, 
 that the conspiracy which you're engaged in for 
 insulting the people of this district by means of a 
 tune " 
 
 He appeared to be addressing himself particularly 
 to Major Kent, whom he evidently regarded as, next 
 to the doctor, the chief conspirator. The Major 
 disliked being abused. He also shrank from com- 
 plicated situations. He foresaw that an argument 
 with Gallagher about a tune which might be played 
 if the Lord-Lieutenant did not fail to keep his 
 appointment, was likely to be a confused and highly 
 complex business. He touched his pony with the 
 whip and drove away in the direction of Doyle's 
 yard, where he usually put up his trap. 
 
 "Have sense, Thady," said Father McCormack 
 appealingly. 
 
 " I will not have sense," said Gallagher. " Why 
 would I have sense when " 
 
 " Did you speak to the doctor ? " said Doyle. 
 
 " I did not, but if I had " 
 
 " The Lord save us and deliver us," said Doyle
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 285 
 
 in despair. " He's gone, the way the Major said he 
 would." 
 
 " What are you talking about ? " said Gallagher. 
 " The doctor's shaving himself." 
 
 " Are you sure of that ? " 
 
 " I am sure. Didn't I go through the house till 
 I found him ? Didn't I open the door of the room 
 he was in ? Didn't I see him standing there with a 
 razor in his hand ? " 
 
 " And what did he say to you, Thady ? Did he 
 tell you " 
 
 " He told me to get along out of that," said 
 Gallagher. 
 
 " It's likely he'd heard the news. He'd never 
 have said the like of that to you, Thady, if he 
 hadn't been upset about something." 
 
 " What'll we do at all ? " said Doyle. " There's 
 the statue to be paid for and the dress for Mary 
 Ellen and the luncheon. It's ruined we'll be, for 
 where will we get the money ? " 
 
 " I had my mind made up," said Gallagher, " to 
 speak out plain to the doctor about the tune the 
 band's to play. I had my mind made up to tell him 
 straight what I thought of him and of the whole of 
 you." 
 
 " Be quiet, Thady," said Father McCormack. 
 " Don't you know " 
 
 " There's more than you will want to speak plain 
 to the doctor," said Doyle in sudden anger. " It's 
 him that's got us into the trouble we're in. It's 
 him that ought to be made to pay up what'll have
 
 286 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 to be paid ; only he can't do it, for he owes more 
 this minute than ever he'll pay. Tell me now, 
 Thady, what you said to him. Tell me the language 
 you used. It'll be some satisfaction to me to hear 
 the words you said to the doctor." 
 
 " I said nothing," said Gallagher. " Is it likely 
 I'd speak the way I meant to a man with an open 
 razor in his hand ? I'd have had my throat cut if 
 I'd said a word." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg rode hurriedly into the market square 
 on her bicycle, while Gallagher was making his 
 confession. She wore a delicate and flimsy pink 
 silk skirt, entirely unsuited for cycling. A very 
 large hat, adorned with a wreath of pink roses, had 
 been forced to the back of her head by the speed at 
 which she rode, and was held there with much 
 strain by two large pins. She had only one glove, 
 and several hooks at the back of the upper part of 
 her dress were unfastened. No one could doubt 
 that Mrs. Gregg had left home before she was quite 
 ready. No one could doubt that she had come into 
 Ballymoy as fast as she could. She dismounted in 
 front of Father McCormack and panted. She said 
 " Oh " three times, and each time was prevented 
 saying anything else by lack of breath. Then she 
 caught sight of Major Kent, who was coming out 
 of the hotel yard after stabling his pony. She let 
 her bicycle fall at the feet of Father McCormack, 
 and ran to the Major. 
 
 "Oh," she said. "Oh! My husband just told me 
 a telegram isn't it frightful ? What are we to do ?"
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 287 
 
 " I'm rather glad myself," said the Major, " but 
 everybody else is making a fuss." 
 
 Doyle, Father McCormack and Gallagher followed 
 Mrs. Gregg. Father McCormack, who was a 
 chivalrous man even when agitated, picked up her 
 bicycle and brought it with him. 
 
 " Is it true, ma'am," said Doyle, " what we're 
 after hearing ? " 
 
 " It's quite true," said Mrs. Gregg. " My hus- 
 band had a telegram. So had Mr. Ford. And Mrs. 
 Ford is so pleased. Oh, it's too much ! But 
 where's Dr. O'Grady ? " 
 
 " Everybody is asking that," said the Major. 
 " My own impression is that he's bolted." 
 
 " If only Dr. O'Grady were here," said Mrs. Gregg, 
 " he might do something." 
 
 " There's one thing the doctor won't do," said 
 Gallagher, " Lord-Lieutenant or no Lord-Lieutenant, 
 he'll not have the town band playing the tune that 
 he's after teaching young Kerrigan." 
 
 " Doyle," said Major Kent, " do you think you 
 could get Thady Gallagher out of this ? He's be- 
 coming a nuisance. Nobody's temper will stand a 
 Home Rule speech at the present moment." 
 
 " Thady," said' Doyle, persuasively, " a drop of 
 something to drink is what will suit you. The 
 inside of your throat is dried up the same as if you'd 
 been eating lime on account of the rage that's in 
 you." 
 
 Doyle was himself no less perplexed than everyone 
 else. He was more acutely sensitive than anyone
 
 288 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 to the danger of financial disaster. But he was a 
 man of cool judgment even in a crisis. He saw that 
 Gallagher's presence was highly inconvenient. 
 
 " A bottle of porter, Thady," he said, " or maybe 
 two, would do you good." 
 
 Gallagher made a strong effort to swallow, intend- 
 ing when he had done so to speak again. But the 
 description Doyle gave of the inside of his throat 
 and the thought of cool draughts of porter, had 
 actually induced a very real dryness of his mouth. 
 He turned doubtfully towards the hotel, walked a 
 few steps and then stood still again. 
 
 Doyle caught a glimpse, through a momentary 
 opening in the crowd, of Dr. O'Grady, shaved, and 
 very carefully dressed in a new grey tweed suit. 
 He became more than ever anxious to get Gallagher 
 into the hotel. 
 
 " If you fancy a glass of whisky, Thady," he 
 said, "it's in there for you and welcome. There'll 
 be no tunes played here for the next half hour, 
 anyway, so you needn't be afraid to go." 
 
 He took Gallagher by the arm as he spoke and 
 led him towards the hotel. Gallagher went at first 
 with apparent reluctance, but as he got near the 
 door his steps quickened. Doyle did not leave him 
 till he handed him over to the care of the young 
 man who stood behind the bar while Doyle himself 
 was absent. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady made his way through the crowd 
 with gay confidence, smiling and nodding to his 
 acquaintances as he went. The people had been
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 289 
 
 slightly suspicious beforehand and feared that some- 
 thing had gone wrong with the arrangements for 
 the day's entertainment. They were cheered, and 
 their confidence was fully restored when they saw 
 Dr. O'Grady was not in the least depressed. He 
 smiled at Mary Ellen as he passed her and winked 
 at Constable Moriarty. 
 
 Mrs. Gregg, as soon as she caught sight of him, 
 rushed to meet him. 
 
 " Oh, Dr. O'Grady," she said, " isn't it terrible ? 
 What are we to do ? I wouldn't mind so much 
 only that Mrs. Ford is delighted. But you'll be 
 able to do something, won't you ? " 
 
 " The first thing to be done," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 "is to stop those children pulling the clothes off 
 Mary Ellen. Would you mind, Mrs. Gregg, just 
 running over and setting her shawl straight ? Fix 
 it with a pin. It's horrid the way it is." 
 
 Mrs. Gregg went over to Mary Ellen. She was 
 deeply interested in the girl's costume, and she still 
 cherished a hope that Dr. O'Grady might manage 
 somehow, even without the Lord-Lieutenant, to 
 arrange for a ceremonial unveiling of the statue. 
 
 " Well, O'Grady," said Major Kent maliciously, 
 " I suppose we may as well take down that statue. 
 It's no particular use where it is, and it doesn't 
 seem likely to help you to plunder the public 
 funds." 
 
 " There will have to be a slight alteration in our 
 plans," said Dr. O'Grady, " but I don't see any 
 reason for postponing the unveiling of the statue."
 
 290 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Do you know that the Lord-Lieutenant's not 
 coming ? " said Father McCormack. 
 
 " I had a telegram from his private secretary," 
 said Dr. O'Grady. " I must say I think he might 
 have let us know a little sooner. I was out early 
 and I didn't get the message till an hour ago. 
 Where's Doyle ? " 
 
 " Doyle's making Thady Gallagher drunk in the 
 hotel," said the Major 
 
 " Good," said Dr. O'Grady. " That's much the 
 best thing to do with Thady. But I wish he'd be 
 quick about it, for I want to speak to him." 
 
 " Here he is coming now," said Father McCormack. 
 
 Doyle, who had himself taken half a glass of 
 whisky, approached Dr. O'Grady with great courage 
 and determination. 
 
 " If the Lord-Lieutenant isn't coming," he said, 
 " and I can see by the look of you that you know 
 he's not, who's going to pay for the statue and the 
 rest of the foolishness you're after buying ? That's 
 what I'd like to know." 
 
 44 Don't you fret about that, Doyle," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " That will be all right." 
 
 " How can it ? " said Doyle. " If the Lord- 
 Lieutenant doesn't come, and he won't, who's going 
 to give us the money ? " 
 
 " Leave that entirely in my hands," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. " It'll be perfectly all right." 
 
 " That's what you're always saying," said Doyle 
 sulkily. "'It'll be all right. It'll be all right.' 
 Haven't you been saying it to me fc-r the last two
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 291 
 
 years ? * All right,' says you, and * It's all right,' 
 whenever the money you owe me is mentioned." 
 
 " More shame for you then, Doyle, for mentioning 
 it so often. I wouldn't say * All right ' or anything 
 else about it if you didn't force me to." 
 
 " I'm dead sick of your ' All rights ' anyway," 
 said Doyle. 
 
 " Be quiet now," said Father McCormack. " Isn't 
 the doctor doing the best he can for you ? Is it his 
 fault that the Lord-Lieutenant isn't here ? " 
 
 " If you'll only stop growling, Doyle, and co- 
 operate with me in bringing off the day's entertain- 
 ment successfully " 
 
 " Surely to goodness, O'Grady, you're not going 
 on with the statue farce ? " 
 
 " Of course I am. The only chance we have now 
 of getting the money " 
 
 " It's a damned poor chance," said Doyle. 
 
 "On the contrary," said Dr. O'Grady, "it's a 
 remarkably good chance. Don't you see that if 
 we unveil the statue successfully, in spite of the 
 way, the really scandalous way, the Lord-Lieutenant 
 has treated us " 
 
 " I wash my hands of the whole business," said 
 the Major. 
 
 " You can wash them afterwards," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " but at present you'll stand in with the 
 rest of us. After the way the Lord-Lieutenant has 
 treated us over the statue he'll have to give us a 
 rattling good pier. He won't be able to refuse. 
 Oh, hang it ! Here's Mrs. Gregg again."
 
 292 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Mrs. Gregg had settled Mary Ellen's shawl. She 
 had spoken sternly, with an authority borrowed 
 from her husband's official position, to Sergeant 
 Colgan. She was filled with curiosity and excite- 
 ment. 
 
 " Someone must get her out of this," said Dr. 
 O'Grady. *' I can't settle things with her babbling 
 at me." 
 
 " If there was a chance that she'd be wanting a 
 drink," said Doyle, " but them ones wouldn't." 
 
 " Mrs. Gregg," said Dr. O'Grady, " excuse my 
 mentioning it ; but there are three hooks in the 
 back of your blouse that aren't fastened. It's an 
 awfully nice blouse, but as you have it on at present 
 it's rather rather well de'gage'." 
 
 " I started in such a hurry," said Mrs. Gregg. 
 " The moment I heard " 
 
 " If you go into the hotel," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " you'll find a looking-glass. You'll be able to 
 inspect the bouquet too. It's in a jug of water 
 
 under the counter in You take her, Father 
 
 McCormack, and find the bouquet for her." 
 
 Father McCormack was not listening. He was 
 looking at a large motor-car which had just drawn 
 up at the far end of the street, leading into the 
 square. 
 
 " It's him after all," he said. 
 
 " It's who ? " said Dr. O'Grady, turning round. 
 
 The crowd which was pressing round the statue 
 began to edge away from it. Men were standing on 
 tiptoe, straining their necks to see over their fellows'
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 293 
 
 heads. Everybody began to move towards the 
 motor-car. A loud cheer burst from the people 
 nearest to it. 
 
 " It's him sure enough," said Father McCormack. 
 
 " It's the Lord-Lieutenant," said Doyle excitedly. 
 " Bedamn, but this is great ! We'll be all right 
 now." 
 
 " It can't possibly be the Lord-Lieutenant," said 
 Dr. O'Grady, " He'd never change his mind twice 
 in the same morning." 
 
 A tall man, very well dressed in a long frock-coat 
 and a shiny silk hat, stood up in the motor. The 
 crowd cheered again with tumultuous enthusiasm. 
 
 " It must be the Lord-Lieutenant," said Mrs. 
 Gregg ecstatically. " Oh, will someone please hook 
 up my blouse ? " 
 
 " There's nobody else it could be," said Doyle. 
 " Come on now, till we go to meet him. Come on, 
 Father. Come you, Major. Doctor, will you go 
 first ? It's you knows the proper way to speak to 
 the likes of him." 
 
 But Father McCormack had a strong sense of his 
 own dignity, and was convinced that the Church 
 had a right to precedence on all ceremonial occasions. 
 He walked, hat in hand, towards the stranger in 
 the motor-car. The people divided to let him pass. 
 Major Kent and Doyle followed him. Dr. O'Grady 
 stood still. Mrs. Gregg ran over to Mary Ellen and 
 begged her to hook up the back of the degage blouse. 
 Young Kerrigan mustered the town band. The 
 members had strayed a little through the crowd,
 
 294 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 but at the summons of their leader they gathered in 
 a circle. Kerrigan looked eagerly at Dr. O'Grady, 
 awaiting the signal to strike up " Rule Britannia." 
 Dr. O'Grady, unable to make himself heard through 
 the cheering of the people, signalled a frantic nega- 
 tive. The stranger stepped out of his motor-car. 
 Father McCormack, bowing low, advanced to meet 
 him. 
 
 " It is my proud and pleasant duty," he said, " to 
 welcome your Excellency to Ballymoy, and to 
 assure you " 
 
 " I want to see a gentleman called O'Grady," said 
 the stranger, " a Dr. O'Grady." 
 
 " He's here, your Excellency," said Father McCor- 
 mack, " and there isn't a man in Ballymoy who'll 
 be more pleased to see your Excellency than he 
 will." 
 
 " I'm not His Excellency. My name is Blakeney, 
 Lord Alfred Blakeney. I'm aide-de-camp to the 
 Lord-Lieutenant, and I particularly want to see 
 Dr. O'Grady.'!
 
 CHAPTER XIX 
 
 LORD ALFRED BLAKENEY walked up the street and 
 crossed the square with great dignity. He made 
 no acknowledgment whatever of the cheers with 
 which the people greeted him. They still thought 
 that he was the Lord-Lieutenant, and, expectant of 
 benefits of some sort, they shouted their best. He 
 glanced at the veiled statue, but turned his eyes 
 away from it immediately, as if it were something 
 obscene or otherwise disgusting. He took no notice 
 of Mary Ellen, though she smiled at him. Father 
 McCormack and Doyle followed him, crestfallen. 
 Major Kent, who seemed greatly pleased, also 
 followed him. Half way across the square Lord 
 Alfred Blakeney turned round and asked which 
 was Dr. O'Grady. Father McCormack pointed him 
 out with deprecating eagerness, much as a school- 
 boy with inferior sense of honour when himself in 
 danger of punishment, points out to the master the 
 real culprit. Lord Alfred Blakeney's forehead 
 wrinkled in a frown. His lips closed firmly. His 
 whole face wore an expression of dignified severity, 
 very terrible to contemplate. Dr. O'Grady seemed 
 entirely unmoved. 
 
 " I'm delighted to see you," he said, " though 
 
 295
 
 296 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 we expected the Lord-Lieutenant. By the way, 
 you're not the Lord-Lieutenant, are you, by any 
 chance ? " 
 
 *' My name is Blakeney, Lord Alfred Blake- 
 ney." 
 
 " I was afraid you weren't," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " Father McCormack and Doyle insisted that you 
 were. But I knew that His Excellency must be a 
 much older man. They couldn't very well make 
 anybody of your age Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, 
 though I daresay you'd do very well, and deserve 
 the honour quite as much as lots of people that get 
 it." 
 
 Lord Alfred Blakeney had been at Eton as a boy 
 and at Christchurch, Oxford, afterwards as a young 
 man. He was a Captain in the Grenadier Guards, 
 and he was aide-de-camp to the Lord-Lieutenant of 
 Ireland. It seemed quite impossible that an Irish 
 dispensary doctor could be trying to poke fun at 
 him He supposed that Dr. O'Grady was lament- 
 ably ignorant. 
 
 " I am here," he said, " at His Excellency's 
 express command " 
 
 " Quite so," said Dr. O'Grady. " We understand. 
 You're his representative. He was pretty well 
 bound to send somebody considering the way he's 
 treated us, telegraphing at the last moment. We're 
 quite ready to make excuses for him, of course, if 
 he's got a sudden attack of influenza or anything 
 of that sort. At the same time he ought to have 
 come UP less he's very bad indeed. However, as
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 297 
 
 you're here, we may as well be getting on with the 
 business. Where's Doyle ? " 
 
 Doyle was just behind him. He was, in fact, 
 plucking at Dr. O'Grady's sleeve. He leaned for- 
 ward and whispered : 
 
 " Speak a word to the gentleman about the pier. 
 He's a high up gentleman surely, and if you speak 
 to him he'll use his influence with the Lord-Lieu- 
 tenant." 
 
 " Be quiet, Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady. " Go off 
 and get the bouquet as quick as you can and give 
 it to Mrs. Gregg." 
 
 Lord Alfred Blakeney, who had gasped with 
 astonishment at the end of Dr. O'Grady's last 
 speech to him, recovered his dignity with an effort. 
 
 " You evidently don't understand that I have 
 come here, at the Lord-Lieutenant's express com- 
 mand " 
 
 " You said that before," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 * 4 To ask for in fact to demand an explanation 
 of " 
 
 " I should have thought that you'd have offered 
 some sort of explanation to us. After all, we've 
 been rather badly treated and " 
 
 " An explanation," said Lord Alfred sternly, " if 
 any explanation is possible, of the extraordinary 
 hoax which you've seen fit to play on His Excel- 
 lency." 
 
 A group of spectators formed a circle round Dr. 
 O'Grady and Lord Alfred. Father McCormack, 
 puzzled and anxious, stood beside Mrs, Gregg. The
 
 298 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Major was at a little distance from them. Mary 
 Ellen stood almost alone beside the statue. The 
 children of the town, attracted by some new excite- 
 ment, had left her, and in spite of Sergeant Colgan, 
 were pushing their way towards Lord Alfred. Dr. 
 O'Grady looked round him and frowned at the 
 people. Then he took Lord Alfred by the arm and 
 led him away to a corner of the square near the 
 police barrack where there were very few people. 
 
 " Now," he said, " we can talk in peace. It's 
 impossible to discuss anything in the middle of a 
 crowd. You seem to think that the Lord-Lieutenant 
 has some sort of grievance against us. What is 
 it?" 
 
 " You surely understand that," said Lord Alfred, 
 " without my telling you. You've attempted to 
 play off an outrageous hoax on the Lord-Lieutenant 
 of Ireland. At least that's my view of it." 
 
 " Quite a mistaken one ! " 
 
 " The Lord-Lieutenant himself hopes that there 
 may be some other explanation. That is why he 
 sent me down here. He wants to give you the 
 chance of clearing yourselves if you can. I may say 
 frankly that if he'd asked my opinion I should " 
 
 " You'd have put us in prison at once," said Dr. 
 O'Grady, " and kept us there till we died. You'd 
 have been perfectly right. We'd have deserved it 
 richly if we really had " 
 
 " Then you are prepared to offer an explanation ? " 
 
 " I'll explain anything you like," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " if you'll only tell me what your difficulty is. Oh,
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 299 
 
 hang it 1 Excuse me one moment. Here's that 
 ass Doyle coming at us again." 
 
 Doyle had brought the bouquet out of the hotel 
 and given it to Mrs. Gregg. He had warned Con- 
 stable Moriarty not to allow the people to press 
 against the statue. He was crossing the square in 
 the direction of the police barrack when Dr. O'Grady 
 saw him and went to meet him. 
 
 " Doctor," said Doyle, " will you keep in mind 
 what I was saying to you this minute about the 
 pier ? Get a promise of it out of the gentleman." 
 
 " It's utterly impossible for me," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 " to do anything if you keep interrupting me every 
 minute. I'm in the middle of an extremely diffi- 
 cult negotiation, and unless I'm allowed a free hand 
 there'll certainly be no pier." 
 
 " If there's no pier," said Doyle angrily, " it'll 
 be the worse for you. Don't you forget, doctor, 
 that you owe me a matter of 60, and if I'm at the 
 loss of more money over this statue " 
 
 Constable Moriarty's voice rang out across the 
 square. He was speaking in very strident 
 tones. 
 
 " Will you stand back out of that ? " he said. 
 " What business have you there at all ? Didn't I 
 tell you a minute ago that you weren't to go near 
 the statue ? " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady and Doyle turned round to see what 
 was happening. A man from^the crowd, a well- 
 dressed man, had slipped past Constable Moriarty 
 and reached the statue. He had raised the bottom
 
 300 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 of the sheet which covered it and was peering at 
 the inscription on the pedestal. 
 
 " Doyle," said Dr. O'Grady, " that's the American 
 again. That's Billing." 
 
 " Bedamn ! " said Doyle excitedly. " You're 
 right. It's him sure enough." 
 
 ** Go and seize him. Take him into the hotel. 
 Drag his subscription out of him if you have to use 
 a knife to get it. Whatever happens don't let him 
 go again." 
 
 Doyle realised what his duty was before Dr. 
 O'Grady had stopped speaking. He ran across the 
 square to the statue. Mr. Billing, heedless of 
 Moriarty's threats, was lifting the sheet still higher. 
 He had read the inscription and wanted to inspect 
 the statue itself. Doyle seized him by the shoulder. 
 
 " Come you along with me," he said, " and come 
 quiet if you don't want me to give you in charge of 
 the police." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady, watching from a distance, saw Mr. 
 Billing marched off towards the hotel. Then he 
 turned to Lord Alfred again. 
 
 " I must apologise," he said, " for running away 
 from you like that. But we couldn't have talked 
 with that fellow, Doyle, pestering us. You don't 
 know Doyle, of course. If you did, and if you 
 happened to owe him a little money, you'd realise 
 how infernally persistent he can be." 
 
 Lord Alfred had also been watching the capture 
 of Mr. Billing. He wanted to understand, if pos- 
 sible, what was going on round about him.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 301 
 
 " What is your friend doing with the other man ? " 
 he asked. 
 
 " Only capturing him," said Dr. O'Grady. " You 
 needn't feel any anxiety about that. The other 
 man is an American and a thorough-paced swindler. 
 Nothing will happen to him that he doesn't deserve. 
 But we mustn't waste time. We've still got to 
 unveil the statue. You go on with what you were 
 saying. You were just going to tell me what the 
 Lord-Lieutenant's difficulty is." 
 
 " You invited His Excellency down here," said 
 Lord Alfred, " to unveil a statue " 
 
 " Quite right. And we have the statue ready. 
 There it is." He pointed out the statue as he spoke. 
 
 " The statue," said Lord Alfred, " purports to 
 represent General John Regan." 
 
 " It does represent him. There's no purporting 
 about the matter. The General's name is on the 
 pedestal. You'll see it yourself as soon as you 
 unveil it." 
 
 " It now appears," said Lord Alfred coldly, 
 " that there never was such a person as General 
 John Regan." 
 
 " Well ? Try and get along a little quicker. I 
 don't see yet where the insult to the Lord-Lieutenant 
 is supposed to come in." 
 
 '' You asked the Lord-Lieutenant to unveil a 
 faked-up statue, and you have the amazing assur- 
 ance to say now that you don't see that you've 
 done anything wrong." 
 
 " I don't."
 
 " Do you mean to say," said Dr. O'Grady, " that 
 the Lord-Lieutenant supposed that the General 
 really existed ? " 
 
 " Of course he supposed it. How could there 
 be a statue to him if he didn't ? We all supposed 
 it. It wasn't until His Excellency began to prepare 
 the speech he was to make that we found out the 
 truth. He wrote to the British Museum and to 
 the Librarian at the Bodleian " 
 
 " I'm sorry he took all that trouble. We didn't 
 expect anything of the sort." 
 
 " What did you expect ? " 
 
 " Oh, I don't know. A few words about the 
 elevating nature of great works of art particularly 
 statues. You know the sort of thing I mean. 
 How the English nation occupies the great position 
 it does very largely because it flocks to the Royal 
 Academy regularly every year. How the people 
 of Ballymoy are opening up a new era for Ireland. 
 But I needn't go on. You must have heard him 
 making speeches scores of times. That was all 
 we wanted, and if we'd had the slightest idea 
 that he was taking a lot of trouble to prepare 
 a learned lecture we'd have told him that he 
 needn't." 
 
 " But how could he make any speech about a 
 General who never existed ? " 
 
 " My dear Lord Alfred ! What has the General 
 got to do with it ? We didn't want a speech about 
 him. We wanted one about his statue,"
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 303 
 
 " But it isn't his statue. If there was no General 
 there can't be a statue to him." 
 
 " There is," said Dr. O'Grady. " There's no use 
 flying in the face of facts. The statue's under that 
 sheet." 
 
 " It's not. I mean to say that there may be a 
 statue there, but it's not to General John Regan. 
 How can there be a statue to him when there was 
 no such person ? " 
 
 " Was there ever such a person as Venus ? " said 
 Dr. O'Grady. " There wasn't. And yet every 
 museum in Europe is half full of statues of her. 
 Was there ever such a person as the Dying Gladiator ? 
 Was there ever a man called Laocoon, who strangled 
 sea serpents ? You know perfectly well that there 
 weren't any such people, and yet some of the most 
 famous statues in the world are erected in memory 
 of them." 
 
 " But His Excellency naturally thought " 
 
 " Look here," said Dr. O'Grady, " if we'd asked 
 him to unveil a statue of Hercules in Ballymoy, 
 would he have gone round consulting the librarians 
 of London and Oxford to find out whether there 
 was such a person as Hercules or not ? Would he 
 have said he was insulted ? Would he have sent 
 you here to ask for an apology ? You know per- 
 fectly well he wouldn't ? " 
 
 Lord Alfred seemed slightly puzzled. Dr. 
 O'Grady's line of argument was quite new to him. 
 He felt sure that a fallacy underlay it somewhere, but 
 he could not at the moment see wha.t the fajlacy was.
 
 804 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " The case of Hercules is quite different," he said 
 feebly. 
 
 " It's not in the least different. It's exactly the 
 same. There was no such person as Hercules. Yet 
 there are several statues of him. There was no such 
 person as our General, but there may be lots of 
 statues to him. There's certainly one. There's 
 probably at least another. I should think the 
 people of Bolivia are sure to have one. We'll ask 
 Billing when we see him." 
 
 "Is he the priest who mistook me for the Lord- 
 Lieutenant ? " 
 
 " Oh, no. He's the swindler whom Doyle caught. 
 By the way, here's Doyle coming out of the hotel 
 again. Do you mind if I call him ? " 
 
 Doyle crossed the square very slowly, because he 
 stopped frequently to speak to the people whom 
 he saw. He stopped when he came to Father 
 McCormack and whispered something to him. He 
 stopped when he came to Major Kent. He stopped 
 for a moment beside Mrs. Gregg. He seemed to be 
 full of some news and eager to tell it to everybody. 
 When he saw Dr. O'Grady coming to meet him he 
 hurried forward. 
 
 " I have it," he said, " I have it safe.'' 
 
 " The cheque ? " said Dr. O'Grady. 
 
 " Better than that. Notes. Bank of Ireland 
 notes." 
 
 "Good," said Dr. O'Grady. "Then it won't 
 make so much matter if we don't get the pier. I'm 
 having a hard job with Lord Alfred. It appears that
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 305 
 
 the Lord-Lieutenant is in a pretty bad temper, and 
 it may not be easy to get the pier. However, I'll 
 do my best. I wish you'd go and fetch the illu- 
 minated address. Is Thady Gallagher safe ? " 
 
 " He's making a speech this minute within, in the 
 bar, and Mr. Billing's listening to him." 
 
 " Good. Get the illuminated address for me now 
 as quick as you can." 
 
 Doyle hurried off in the direction of the hotel. 
 Dr. O'Grady turned once more to Lord Alfred. 
 
 " By the way," he said, " before we go on with 
 the unveiling of the statue would you mind telling me 
 this : Have you got an ear for music ? " 
 
 Lord Alfred had recovered a little from the be- 
 wildering effect of Dr. O'Grady's argument. He 
 reminded himself that he had a duty to perform. 
 He regained with an effort his original point of view, 
 and once more felt sure that the Lord-Lieutenant 
 had been grossly insulted. 
 
 " I've listened to all you have to say," he said, 
 " and I still feel, in fact I feel more strongly than 
 ever, that an apology is due to His Excellency." 
 
 " Very well," said Dr. O'Grady, " I've no objec- 
 tion whatever to apologising. I'm extremely sorry 
 that he was put to such a lot of unnecessary trouble. 
 If I'd had the least idea that he wouldn't have 
 
 understood about the General but I thought he'd 
 
 have known. I still think he ought to have known. 
 But I won't say a word about that. Tell him from 
 me that I'm extremely sorry. And now, have you 
 
 an ear for music ? " 
 
 U
 
 306 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " That's not an apology," said Lord Alfred. " I 
 
 won't go back to His Excellency and tell him 
 
 hang it ! I can't tell him all that stuff about Venus 
 and Hercules." 
 
 " I wish you'd tell me whether you have an ear 
 for music or not. You don't understand the situa- 
 tion because you haven't met Thady Gallagher. 
 But I can't ask you to unveil the statue until I know 
 whether you've an ear for music or not." 
 
 " I don't know what you mean, but " 
 
 Dr. O'Grady made a click with his tongue against 
 the roof of his mouth. He was becoming very 
 impatient. 
 
 " Well, I haven't," said Lord Alfred. " I don't 
 see what business it is of yours whether I have or 
 not ; but anyhow, I haven't." 
 
 " None at all ? You wouldn't know one tune 
 from another ? " 
 
 " No, I wouldn't. And now will you tell me 
 
 " I'll tell you anything you like when this business 
 is over. I haven't time to enter into long explana- 
 tions now. The people are beginning to get very 
 impatient." 
 
 Young Kerrigan, with his bandsmen grouped 
 around him, was standing a little below the police 
 barrack. Dr. O'Grady walked quickly over to him. 
 He told him to be ready to begin to play the moment 
 he received the signal. 
 
 " And listen to me now," he said. " You're 
 
 to play some other tune, not the one I taught you." 
 
 " I'm just as glad," said young Kerrigan. " It's
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 807 
 
 equal to me what tune I play, but Thady Gallagher 
 
 What tune will I play ? " 
 
 " Anything you like," said Dr. O'Grady. " What- 
 ever you know best, but not the one I taught you. 
 Remember that." 
 
 He left young Kerrigan, and hurried over to where 
 Major Kent, Father McCormack and Mrs. Gregg 
 were standing together near the statue. 
 
 " We're now going to unveil the statue," he said, 
 ' ' and everybody must be ready to do his part. Father 
 McCormack, I want you to take charge of Mary 
 Ellen. In the absence of the Lord-Lieutenant she'll 
 pull the string. You're to see that she does it when 
 I give the word. Then you must go across to the 
 door of the hotel and keep a look out for Thady 
 Gallagher. If he tries to make any sort of dis- 
 turbance quell him at once." 
 
 " I'm willing to try," said Father McCormack, 
 "and so far as Mary Ellen is concerned I'm right 
 enough. She's a good girl, and she'll do as I bid her. 
 But it'd take more than me to pacify Thady when 
 he hears the band." 
 
 " It's all right about that. The band won't play 
 that tune at all. As it happens Lord Alfred has no 
 ear whatever for music. That lets us out of what 
 was rather an awkward hole. Young Kerrigan can 
 play anything he likes, and so long as we all take off 
 our hats, Lord Alfred'll think it's ' God Save the 
 King.' Thady won't be able to say a word." 
 
 " If that's the way of it," said Father McCormack, 
 " I'll do the best I can with Thady."
 
 308 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 "Mrs. Gregg," said Dr. O'Grady, "you ean't 
 present that bouquet, so the best thing for you to 
 do is to step forward the moment the sheet drops off 
 and deposit it at the foot of the statue. Major " 
 
 " You may leave me out," said Major Kent. 
 ",Fm merely a spectator." 
 
 " You'll support Mrs. Gregg when she's paying her 
 floral tribute to the memory of the dead General." 
 
 " I'll do no such thing." 
 
 " You must, Major. You can't let poor Mrs. 
 Gregg go forward alone." 
 
 "Please do," said Mrs. Gregg. "I shall be 
 frightfully nervous." 
 
 " But but hang it all, O'Grady, how can I ? 
 What do you mean ? " 
 
 " It's perfectly simple. Just walk forward beside 
 her and smile. That's all that's wanted. The band 
 will be playing at the time and nobody will notice 
 you much. Now, I think everybody understands 
 thoroughly what to do, and there's no reason why 
 the proceedings shouldn't be a flaming success in spite 
 of the conduct of the Lord-Lieutenant." 
 
 " What about the Lord-Lieutenant ? " said Father 
 McCormack. " I'd be glad if I knew what the 
 reason is of his not coming to us when he 
 promised." 
 
 " The reason's plain enough," said the Major 
 " He evidently has some common sense." 
 
 "As a matter of fact," said Dr. O'Grady, " the 
 exact contrary is the case. What Lord Alfred says 
 is that he wouldn't come because he found out at the
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 809 
 
 last moment that there was no such person as 
 General John Regan. I don't call that sensible." 
 
 " I was thinking all along," said Father McCor- 
 mack, " that there was something queer about the 
 General."
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 
 DOYLE came out of the hotel bringing the illuminated 
 address. Dr. O'Grady took it from him and carried 
 it over to Lord Alfred. 
 
 " Just take this," he said. 
 
 Lord Alfred looked at the address doubtfully. It 
 was very large, and seemed an awkward thing to 
 carry about. 
 
 " What is it ? " he said. 
 
 " It's an illuminated address. We intended to 
 present it to the Lord-Lieutenant, but of course we 
 can't when he isn't here. You're to take it, and 
 hand it over to him next time you see him." 
 
 He pushed the address into Lord Alfred's arms 
 as he spoke. 
 
 Many men would have made some resistance, 
 would have put their hands into their pockets, 
 perhaps, and so forced Dr. O'Grady either to hold 
 the frame himself or drop it on the ground. But 
 Lord Alfred Blakeney had been aide-de-camp to 
 the Lord-Lieutenant for several years. He knew 
 something of the spirit which must animate all 
 viceroys. It is their business to commend them- 
 selves, their office and the party which appoints 
 them to the people over whom they reign. In 
 
 310
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 311 
 
 private a lord-lieutenant with a sense of humour 
 no good lord-lieutenant ought to have a sense of 
 humour may mock at the things he has to do, but 
 in public, however absurd the position in which he 
 finds himself, he must remain gravely suave. His 
 aides-de-camp must never under any 'circumstances 
 do anything which could possibly cause offence to 
 any part of the community. Dr. O'Grady was 
 certainly a very important and influential part of 
 the community of Ballymoy. Lord Alfred allowed 
 the illuminated address to be pushed into his arms. 
 He attempted no more than a mild protest. 
 
 " Can't I lay it down somewhere ? " he said. 
 " It's so huge." 
 
 " Better not. If you do it's sure to be forgotten, 
 and then we'll have to forward it by post, which will 
 involve us in a lot of extra expense." 
 
 " But it's so absurd to be lugging a great picture 
 frame about in my arms all day, and I can't carry it 
 any other way. It's too big." 
 
 Dr. O'Grady, having made over the address to 
 Lord Alfred, was not inclined to listen to any 
 complaints about its size. He took off his hat and 
 stepped forward towards the statue. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen " he said. 
 
 The few people who could see Dr. O'Grady 
 stopped talking in order to hear what he was going 
 to say. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen " he said again. 
 
 This time, the nearer people having stopped 
 talking, his voice carried further than it did at his
 
 312 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 first attempt. Very many more people turned 
 round and began to listen. 
 
 *' Ladies and gentlemen " he said. 
 
 This third beginning secured him a large audience. 
 Nearly half the people in the square were listening 
 to him. He felt justified in going on with his speech. 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," he said, " we are now 
 going to proceed with the unveiling of the statue of 
 General John Regan. Mary Ellen, whom most of 
 
 you know " 
 
 He paused and the crowd cheered. A crowd 
 nearly always cheers anyone who is mentioned by 
 name in a speech, unless it is quite plain that the 
 speaker means to be abusive. 
 
 " Mary Ellen," said Dr. O'Grady, " who is the 
 nearest living relative of the great General, will 
 perform the ceremony. Now, Mary Ellen," he went 
 on, in a lower tone, " pull the string. Father 
 McCormack, give her the string. She doesn't seem 
 able to find it." 
 
 Father McCormack handed the end of the string 
 to Mary Ellen. She chucked at it in a timid, doubt- 
 ful way. Nothing happened. 
 " Pull harder," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 Sergeant Colgan, who was a benevolent man, and 
 therefore anxious that the ceremony should be a 
 success, stepped to Mary Ellen's side and laid his 
 hand on hers. He pulled hard. The sheet fluttered 
 to the ground. The crowd cheered delightedly. 
 
 " There now," said Dr. O'Grady to Lord Alfred 
 Blakeney, " I told you there really was a statue
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 313 
 
 under that sheet Next time I say something to you 
 I hope you'll believe it." 
 
 He held up his hand, and young Kerrigan, who was 
 watching for the signal, began to play at once. The 
 tune he chose was an attractive one which had 
 achieved some popularity in a Dublin pantomime 
 the year before. Mrs. Gregg glanced dubiously at 
 Dr. O'Grady, and then walked towards the statue 
 with the bouquet in her hand. When she had gone 
 five or six yards she stopped and looked round to see 
 what had happened to Major Kent. He was hanging 
 back, but the piteous appeal in hep eyes moved him. 
 He scowled ferociously at the doctor, and then with 
 clenched teeth and closely pressed lips joined Mrs. 
 Gregg. Everybody cheered. The Major, in spite 
 of being a landlord, was very popular in the neigh- 
 bourhood. The cheers made him still more un- 
 comfortable. He frowned with embarrassment and 
 anger. Mrs. Gregg laid her hand on his arm. Still 
 frowning, he led her forward, very much as if he 
 were taking her in to dinner. Mrs. Gregg was 
 frightened and nervous. She had only the vaguest 
 idea of what she was expected to do. When she 
 reached the base of the statue she curtseyed deeply. 
 The people cheered frantically. Major Kent dropped 
 her arm and hurried away. He was a gentleman of 
 an old-fashioned kind, and, partly perhaps because 
 he had never married, was very chivalrous towards 
 women. But Mrs. Gregg's curtsey and the cheers 
 which followed it were too much for him. His 
 position had become intolerable. Mrs, Gregg,
 
 814 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 suddenly deserted by her escort, dropped the bouquet 
 and fled Sergeant Colgan picked it up and laid it 
 solemnly at the foot of the statue. Young Kerrigan, 
 stimulated by the cheers, worked the band up to a 
 fortissimo performance of his tune. 
 
 Dr. O'Grady held his hat in his hand. He signalled 
 frantically to Father McCormack. He took off his 
 hat, whispering to Major Kent as he did so. The 
 Major, who was utterly bewildered, and not at all 
 sure what was happening, took off his hat. Several 
 other bystanders, supposing that it must be right 
 to stand bare-headed before a newly unveiled 
 statue, took off theirs. Lord Alfred Blakeney 
 looked round him doubtfully. Most of the people 
 near him had their hats in their hands. He took 
 off his. 
 
 The unusually loud noise made by the band 
 reached Thady Gallagher in the bar of the hotel. 
 He stopped abruptly in the middle of a speech which 
 he was making to Mr. Billing. After a moment's 
 hesitation he rushed to the door of the hotel. The 
 sight of the people standing bare-headed and silent 
 while the band played, convinced him that Dr. 
 O'Grady was in the act of perpetrating a treacher- 
 ous trick upon the sincerely patriotic but unsus- 
 pecting inhabitants of Ballymoy. Standing at the 
 door of the hotel he shouted and waved his arms. 
 Mr. Billing stood behind him looking on with an 
 expression of serious interest. Nobody could hear 
 what Gallagher said. But Father McCormack and 
 Doyle, fearing that he would succeed in making
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 815 
 
 himself audible, hurried towards him. Doyle seized 
 him by the arm. Gallagher shook him off angrily. 
 
 " It shall never be said," he shouted, " that I 
 stood silent while an insult was heaped upon Bally- 
 moy and the cause of Nationalism in Ireland." 
 
 " Whisht, now whisht," said Father McCormack. 
 " Sure there's nothing to be angry about." 
 
 " There is what would make any man angry, any 
 man that has the welfare of Ireland at heart. That 
 tune " 
 
 " It isn't that tune at all," said Father McCormack. 
 " It's another one altogether." 
 
 " It's not another," said Gallagher, " but it's 
 the one I mean. Didn't Constable Moriarty say it 
 was ? " 
 
 " Oughtn't you to listen to his reverence," said 
 Doyle, " more than to Moriarty ? But if you won't 
 do that, can't you hear the tune for yourself ? " 
 
 " I can hear it ; and what's more I can see the 
 Major with his hat off and the young fellow that's 
 down from Dublin Castle with his hat off, and the 
 doctor " 
 
 " It's my belief, Thady," said Doyle, " that you're 
 three parts drunk. It would be better for you to 
 go back into the hotel." 
 
 He caught Gallagher by the arm as he spoke and 
 held him fast. Young Kerrigan reached the end 
 of his tune with a triumphant flourish. Dr. O'Grady 
 put on his hat again. One by one the various 
 bystanders followed his example. Lord Alfred 
 Blakeney looked round him, puzzled.
 
 316 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 " Surely that wasn't the National Anthem ? " 
 he said. 
 
 " I thought," said Dr. O'Grady, " that you didn't 
 know one tune from another." 
 
 " I don't ; but, hang it all, a man can't be aide- 
 de-camp to His Excellency without getting to know 
 the sound of the National Anthem. What tune was 
 it and why did we all take off our hats ? " 
 
 " You tell the Lord-Lieutenant when you get 
 back," said Dr. O'Grady, " that we all, including 
 Major Kent, who's a strong Unionist, stood bare- 
 headed while the band played. He'll be able to 
 guess what tune it was, and he'll be pleased." 
 
 " But it wasn't the " 
 
 " A speech will now be made," said Dr. O'Grady 
 addressing the crowd, " by Lord Alfred Blakeney 
 as representative of the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland." 
 
 " But I'm not," said Lord Alfred clutching at 
 Dr. O'Grady. " His Excellency will be furious if 
 he hears " 
 
 " Go on," said Dr. O'Grady pushing him towards 
 the statue. " Stand on the pedestal." 
 
 " But I can't make a speech. I'm not prepared. 
 I've nothing to say." 
 
 He was pushed forward remorselessly. At the 
 very base of the statue he turned. 
 
 " I hope there are no reporters present," he said 
 in a tone of despair. 
 
 " There probably are lots," said Dr. O'Grady. 
 " Get up now and begin. The people won't stand 
 here all day.'!
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 317 
 
 Lord Alfred Blakeney, still clasping the illuminated 
 address in his arms, was hustled on to the lowest step 
 of the pedestal. The people cheered encouragingly. 
 
 " Oh damn this great picture," said Lord Alfred. 
 " Do hold it for me." 
 
 " Never mind it," said Dr. O'Grady. " It's all 
 right as it is. Make your speech." 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," said Lord Alfred. 
 " I find myself standing here to-day " 
 
 " As representative of the Lord-Lieutenant," 
 said Dr. O'Grady, prompting him. 
 
 " But I'm not. I tell you he'll be angry. I can't 
 make this speech. I really can't." 
 
 " You can if you like," said Dr. O'Grady. " Go on." 
 
 " I stand here to-day," said Lord Alfred, " at 
 the unveiling of this beautiful statue " 
 
 " Hear, hear," said Doyle from the door of the 
 hotel. " It's a grand statue surely," 
 
 "Go on," said Dr. O'Grady. "You're doing 
 capitally. Say something about the grant from the 
 Government for a new pier." 
 
 " About what ? " said Lord Alfred. 
 
 " About a grant for a new pier," said Dr. O'Grady, 
 speaking distinctly. 
 
 " But I've no authority. I can't." 
 
 " 500 will satisfy us," said Dr. O'Grady. " It's 
 a mere trifle. After the shabby way the Lord- 
 Lieutenant has behaved to us but go on, anyway." 
 
 " I have much pleasure," said Lord Alfred Blake- 
 ney, " in declaring this statue er open er for 
 public inspection."
 
 318 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 The crowd cheered loudly. Dr. O'Grady whis- 
 pered to Lord Alfred that he ought to say something 
 about the value of the statue as a work of art. But 
 this time Lord Alfred's will was stronger than the 
 doctor's. He jumped off the pedestal and flatly 
 declined to mount it again. He was crimson in the 
 face with mortification and embarrassment. Then, 
 when the cheering subsided a little, Mr. Billing's 
 voice was heard, clear and incisive. He had pushed 
 his way from the door of the hotel and was standing 
 near the statue. 
 
 " That's a darned poor speech," he said. 
 
 It is extraordinary how close the primitive bar- 
 barian is to the most civilised man. No one could 
 have been more carefully trained than Lord Alfred 
 Blakeney. No one possessed more of that suave 
 self-control which distinguishes a man of the govern- 
 ing classes from the members of the mob. Yet 
 Lord Alfred collapsed suddenly under the strain to 
 which he had been subjected. Mr. Billing's taunt 
 threw him back to an earlier, a very early stage of 
 development. 
 
 " Make a better one yourself, then," he said, 
 *' whoever you are." 
 
 " I'll make one that'll create a sensation, any- 
 how," said Mr. Billing. 
 
 He stepped jauntily up the two steps of the pedestal. 
 
 " Mr. Lord-Lieutenant, Right Reverend Sir, Ladies 
 and Gentlemen," he said. 
 
 Lord Alfred Blakeney clutched Dr. O'Grady by 
 the arm.
 
 GENERAL, JOHN REGAN 319 
 
 " I'm not the Lord-Lieutenant," he said desper- 
 ately. " I'm not even his representative. Do try 
 to make him understand that." 
 
 " It doesn't in the least matter who you are," 
 said Dr. O'Grady. " Listen to the speech." 
 
 " When I first set eyes on this town a month ago 
 I thought I had bumped up against the most dead- 
 alive, god-forsaken, one-horse settlement that Europe 
 could boast." 
 
 The crowd, being as Gallagher always asserted 
 intensely patriotic, was not at all pleased at this 
 beginning. Several people groaned loudly. Mr. 
 Billing listened to them with a bland smile. The 
 people were still further irritated and began to boo. 
 Thady Gallagher broke suddenly from Doyle's con- 
 trol, and rushed forward waving his arms. 
 
 " Pull the Yank down out of that," he shouted. 
 " What right has he to be standing there maligning 
 the people of Ireland ? " 
 
 Father McCormack and Doyle were after him at 
 once and closed on him, each of them grasping one 
 of his swinging arms. 
 
 " Behave yourself, Thady," said Father McCor- 
 mack, " behave yourself decent." 
 
 " Isn't it him that's paying for the statue," said 
 Doyle, " and hasn't he a right to say what he likes ? " 
 
 Mr. Billing seemed quite unimpressed by Gal- 
 lagher's fiery interruption. He smiled benevolently 
 again. . 
 
 " I got bitten with the notion of speeding you 
 up a bit," he said, " because I felt plumb sure that
 
 320 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 there wasn't a live man in the place, nothing but a 
 crowd of doddering hop-toads." 
 
 The hop-toad is a reptile unknown in Ireland, 
 but its name sounds disgusting. The crowd began 
 to get very angry, and surged threateningly towards 
 the platform. Sergeant Colgan felt that a great 
 opportunity had arrived. He had all his life been 
 looking for a chance of quelling a riot. He had it 
 at last. 
 
 " Keep back, now," he said, " keep back out of 
 that. Do you want me to draw my baton to 
 you ? " 
 
 " Well, gentlemen," said Mr. Billing, " I was 
 mistaken and I own up. There is one live man in 
 Ballymoy anyway. We haven't got a medical 
 gentleman on our side of the Atlantic equal to 
 Dr. Lucius O'Grady. He has run this show in a 
 way that has surprised me considerable. He has 
 erected a statue that will be an ornament to this 
 town, and it's a pleasure to me to pay for it." 
 
 " Hear, hear," shouted Doyle. 
 
 The crowd, which had been booing a minute 
 before, cheered heartily. 
 
 " He's fetched down the representative of the 
 Lord-Lieutenant of this country to unveil the 
 statue ! " 
 
 "I'm not," said Lord Alfred feebly. "I wish 
 I could get you to understand that I'm not his 
 representative. " 
 
 His protest was lost in a fresh burst of cheers. 
 
 " He has provided a charming grand-niece," said
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 321 
 
 Mr. Billing, " a grand-niece that any man, living 
 or dead, might be proud of " 
 
 " Get out," said Mary Ellen softly. 
 
 " For General John Regan," said Mr. Billing 
 amidst tumultuous cheers, " and when I tell you 
 that no such General ever existed in Bolivia or any- 
 where else, you'll be in a position to appreciate your 
 doctor." 
 
 Doyle dropped Gallagher's arm and rushed for- 
 ward. The crowd, too astonished by Mr. Billing's 
 last words even to cheer, stood silent. What Doyle 
 said was plainly heard. 
 
 " Be damn, doctor, but you're great, and I'd say 
 that if it was the last word ever I spoke. Ask him 
 for the price of the new pier now and he'll give it 
 to you." 
 
 " Gentlemen," said Mr. Billing, " if 2,000 dollars 
 will build the pier Mr. Doyle wants, I'll give it with 
 pleasure, and I reckon that the show which Dr. 
 O'Grady has run is cheap at the price." 
 
 Sergeant Colgan stepped forward with slow 
 dignity. He beckoned to Constable Moriarty. His 
 face wore an expression of steady determination. 
 
 " It would be better, doctor," he said, " if you 
 and the other gentlemen present would move away. 
 The demeanour of the crowd is threatening." 
 
 The demeanour of the crowd was, in fact, hilari- 
 ous ; but Dr. O'Grady understood that there are 
 limits to the patience of the official guardians of 
 law and order. The police the fact is exemplified 
 in their occasional dealings with the students of 
 
 X
 
 322 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 
 
 Trinity College appreciate a joke as well as any 
 men, and up to a certain point are tolerant of 
 merriment. But it is possible to go too far, and 
 there is a point at which fooling becomes objection- 
 able. Dr. O'Grady took Mr. Billing by the arm. 
 
 *' Come along," he said, " and let us have a 
 drink of some sort, and something to eat. There's 
 no reason why we shouldn't have something to 
 eat. Doyle has a magnificent luncheon spread out 
 in his hotel. Run in Doyle, and tell the cook to 
 dish up the potatoes. Major, you bring Mrs. Gregg 
 along with you. I'm sure Mrs. Gregg wants some- 
 thing to eat. Lord Alfred, I'm sorry we haven't 
 a lady for you to take in, but Father McCormack 
 will show you the way." 
 
 " If this business gets into the papers," said 
 Lord Alfred, " the Freeman's Journal will make 
 capital of it, and the Irish Times will say the 
 Government must resign at once. Can't we square 
 the reporters ? " 
 
 " There aren't any," said Dr. O'Grady, " unless 
 Gallagher's been taking notes. Come along." 
 
 The party, Doyle at the head of it, passed into 
 the hotel. Sergeant Colgan turned and faced the 
 crowd. His hand was on the baton at his side. 
 His face and attitude were majestic. 
 
 " Get along home now, every one of yous," he 
 said. 
 
 " Get along out of that ! " said Constable Moriarty. 
 
 In twos and threes, in little groups of ten and 
 twelve, silently obedient, the crowd slunk away.
 
 GENERAL JOHN REGAN 323 
 
 The statue of General John Regan was left looking 
 down upon an empty market place. So the last 
 word is spoken in the pleasant drama of Irish life. 
 The policeman speaks it. " Get along home out of 
 that, every one of you." So the curtain drops on 
 our performances. In spite of our whirling words we 
 bow in the end to the voice of authority. 
 
 London Hodder and Stoughton /<?/?
 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below 
 
 MAY 17 
 OCT 2 4 1956 
 
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