ill WWi3AINfl3WV ^AHvaainN ^-UBRARY^ > 3 V Q V "' I ii 3d m\M-3\\v / ^AHVHan-#'' -LIBRARY^, ^-UBRARYQc >** %HITCHQ ? AWEUNiVER5/A OFCALIFOEd MARMION ttatetteti; A TALE, IN SIX CANTOS. MARMION A TALE OF MODERN TIMES. BY PETER PRY, Esq. 'Tis Woman that seduces all mankind; By her we first are taught the wheedling arts; Her very eyes can cheat when most she's kind; She tricks us of our money with our hearts. Gay, LO XDON : PRINTED BY G. HAZARD, BEECH-STREET, FOR THOMAS TEGG, III, CHEAPSIDE, LONDON. 1809. TO WALTER SCOTT, Esq. ADVOCATE, 6fc. Sfc. fyc. THIS TRAVESTY IS INSCRIBED BY THE AUTHOR. - I u <-v CONTENTS. PAGE Advertisement ix Introduction to Canto I. .. To Sir F s B rd tt, 1 Introduction to Canto II. . . To R D B Y S n, Esq. 11 Introduction to Canto III. . . To Major H ng r, . 21 Introduction to Canto IV. . . To Sir D d D nd s, 31 Introduction to Canto V. . To the Rt.Hon. S R P L, 39 Introduction to Canto VI. To Lord Ell ough, 49 CANTO I. Gloucester Palace, , . 3 Ingentem foribus domus alta, superbis Mane salutantum totis vomit sedibus undam. II. The Boarding School, 35 O ! when she's angry she is keen and shrewd ; She was a vixen when she went to school, And though she be but little she is fierce. III. The Castle Inn, 73 Must I burrow here with brutes, My haunts broke in upon my cause disturbed? O, you shall see him laugh 'till his face be like a wet cloak ill laid up. Song, 84 The Hoifi Story, 95 CONTENTS. CANTO IV. The War Office, Ill I could a tale unfold Will harrow up thy soul; freeze thy young blood; Make thy two eyes like stars, start from their spheres; Thy knotty and combined locks to part, And each paiticular hair to stand on end; Like quills upon a fretful porcupine. The Ambassador of Morocco's Story of the Hampstead Baker, 129 V. The Investigation, , 151 What is the bane of man, and scourge of life but IVoman? What is the heathenish idol man sets up, and is damned for worshipping? Treacherous IVoman. What are those, whose eyes, like basilisks', shine beautiful for sure destruction, whose smiles are dan- gerous as the grin of fiends, but false, deluding Woman! The Bishop. Mrs. C y's Song, 170 VI. The Contest, 209 TTie Colonel's Speech on Public Economy 221 Madam, 'tis well ! 'Tis very well ! I fiud Your will must be obey'd. Now, by St. Paul, the Work goes bravely on. VF.nroy. To the Rcadtr, 27 C ADVERTISEMENT. TO muzzle the snarl of the critic, and obviate the invidiously detracting cry of contemporary writers, it will be only necessary to state that the present is the first attempt made of comprising in a poetical digest the real story on which this travesty proceeds. Though no doubt the press has teemed with publications on that subject, yet they have been all of an inferior kind, extending not beyond a particular item of the interesting narrative. We can, t ADVERTISEMENT. however, offer to the public a strong assurance that the following poem will be found equally distinguished for comprehension of matter as for novelty of manner. A variety of circumstances dependent on and interwoven with the memoirs of that celebrated Thais, (Mrs. C*****) and which never before have met the public eye, will be herein faithfully delineated. It must remain in the recollection of our readers, that the star of uncontrolled infor- mation on this head first beamed in the east, while " shadows, clouds and darkness" obscured the independence of the west end. We have omitted particular annotations on the text, be- cause we considered it but fair to leave the reader unfettered in his curiosity, ADVERTISEMENT. xi to apply the subject as his own infor- mation may suggest. Of Poetry, as of other attainments, it has been often remarked, that in the present age few steps can be made to advancement; and no emulation of preceding writers can be attended with any other result than that of trite and tedious imitation. Were it to our purpose to deny an opinion which so generally prevails, we might be induced to refer that decline to grounds of a more rational nature than it is here necessary to enter into. The idea of our having reached the summit of climacteric excellence seems indeed not to be confined to any distinct or defi- nitive class of human actions. In the a 2 Xii ADVERTISEMENT. State we have met with men who can cry up the impossibility of improve- ment on the political system; and in the Church, we find those who loudly declare the vanity and sinfulness of supposing that man can attain to any satisfactory scale of moral amelioration. In the pulpit, as well as the senate, it seems to be the rule that the dangers of puritanism in the former, and of departure from established modes in the latter, have been sufficiently exhi- bited in history to deter us from adventure in quest of purity. Were this to be the case, the world was never to brighten with the expectation of a Paul or an Augustin in the one; or of a Solon or an Alfred in the other. Thus too, because Spencer ADVERTISMENT. xm was immortal and unrivalled in his day, were the people of that age to despair of a Milton or a Shakes- peare. To the humiliation of infe- riority, not to say of equality, with such writers, this work must give place. But as to every man belongs the pri- vilege of exercising his own judgment, we shall here enter into a discussion on the merits of a writer, who, in our own time lays claim to originality. And here most unqualifiedly we confess that claim to be founded, as far us regards the originality of non-conces- sion to the fixed and acknowledged rules of an acknowledged standard. Much has been said of the simplicity of style for which " Marmion," and a 3 Xiv ADVERTISEMENT. the other works of Mr. Scott are dis- tinguished; but no attention has been paid to the deviation, of which, with respect to the munda simplicitas, that author has been notoriously guilty. Great allowance might be made to him if he acted in conformity with the opinion we have already noticed; but it seems that he more strongly and yet more egotistically argues that " The Lay of the last Minstrel" cuts out future competition. We sincerely hope it may be so; for of all the ballad-ranger son the outskirts of Par- nassus, from the author of Chevy- Chace to the simple and independent Walter Scott, few have been so suc- cessful in collecting the garbage of the Muses' kitchen as the latter gentleman ADVERTISEMENT. xv His rhythmical harmony seems like- wise to have its origin in the same low department of the virgin choir, and to be a pretty faithful imitation of the gridiron numbers in which the understrappers of Helicon, by aping their superiors, celebrate " High Life below Stairs/' One great requisite of a poet Mr. Scott certainly possesses, namely, invention; for he has laden his pages with the presence of " his- torical facts/' which no outstanding chronicles would, we believe, admit as evidence in a court of chronology. With Hesiod he may say, *I^ -^iii^tcc. taoXha, hiyiu iTv/xoto-j Ipoia.. Proceed we now to say something for our own undertaking. The foun- ADVERTISEMENT. dation is not fabulous, but rests on recent and original grounds. The style and versification are not original, being the second attempt on that species of descriptive poetry, which in noticing the actions of the higher walks of life includes those of the lower, and blends the qualities of the prince with those of the porter and the kitchen-maid. Such being the style of Marmion's tale, in humble travesty, we have attempted to follow it by the tale of F*******. In burlesquing a work of the same language we do not boast those ad- vantages which a foreign author might afford. Cotton, when he undertook the task of travestying Virgil in English, had a much easier task to ADVERTISEMENT. accomplish than could have possibly fallen to the share of any of that Mantuan poet's contemporaries. We have been consequently obliged to ad- here to the peculiarities of the original. Scott's poem begins (Canto I.) with " Day," ours with Night: the former is a tale of ancient days the latter of modern times. The original is a fiction the travesty is founded on facts. The author of " Marmion" has now- and-then affected the ancient style with equal propriety we have blended modern language with a Jew obsolete expressions. We have adhered through- out to the measure of the original, except in a few instances where devia- tions were unavoidable. We have also adhered to all the remarkable rhymes xvm ADVERTISEMENT. in the original: Marmion. (which is properly a dissyllable in poetry) is frequently by Mr. Scott made a tri- syllable, and single rhyme at the end of a line : We have done the same with the name of our substituted hero. We have also introduced Stories and Songs, to correspond with those of the original. Let the reader, if he please, compare both, and perhaps his enter- tainment will be heightened. The Introductions, which are pre- fixed to their respective cantos in Mr. Scott's " Marmion, " we have given collectively in the beginning of our Travesty, in order to be read together by the curious; or overlooked by those who are averse to prefatory matter. ADVERTISEMENT. xix If, according to the original, they were to be read at different periods, so many introductions must confuse the ordinary reader, and divert his atten- tion from the main subject. Lndon, Auguit 3rd. 1809. MARMION TRAVESTIED. JntroDuctton to Canto .first. TO SIR F S B RDTT. May- That bad the times are, all declare, Then be reform our present care 'Tis only satire, there's no doubt, Can reformation bring- about. To " shoot at folly as it flies," Doth the immortal bard advise; And fools are, in the script'ral sense, Those guilty of some gross offence. Adultery we find the raoe, The scandal of the present age; b 2 4 INTRODUCTION And tho' 'twas death by Moses' law, 'Tis now committed without awe. In general vile interest guides Each man in office who presides: The meritorious, oft we find, Most shamefully are left behind, From further services deterr'd While the unworthy are preferr'd. Since vice each day we may detect Strive we* these follies to correct Since a reform we so much lack, Assist, my Muse, the great attack. Thou art, Sir F s, I confess, The best of men I could address Upon a subject, such as this, And hope you will not take't amiss; * It should be observed, that the Author of Marniion ha>. throughout his poem, imitated the Latin language, in affecting the rirst person plural of the imperative mood. TO CANTO FIRST. Especially as it affords The means of saying a few words, Which, well applied, must needs suffice, As good and seasonable advice. How fluctuating is applause, We've seen, alas! what W die was Now see him as he is, I pray, And what a falling off you'll say The people's friend he lately seem'd, Was much commended and esteem'd And therefore the best man, thought I, The place of Wilton f to supply : All of a sudden what disgrace What change of sentiments took place; What luckless circumstance arose When this my tale was near a close The Muse, then, Walter Scott, forgive- As well as you, she needs must grieve, t See Mai inioii. b 3 6 INTRODUCTION That Colonel W had not been The brave Bs Wilton in each scene. She could not possibly foreknow The Colonel could have acted so. What's Popularity? a name At which so many thousands aim A transient blessing which I wot, Is sooner lost than it is got So fleeting is a people's praise, That hisses oft succeed huzzas! Those that applauded, may deride, For favor ebbs just like the tide; And the least thing that's done amiss, Procures an everlasting hiss. Thus, then, opinion seems to mock, It changes like a weather-cock. Yet not the public let us blame, But those, who sacrifice their fame; How many seem the people's friend, To serve perhaps a private end ; TO CANTO FIRffT. Awhile assume a double face, But take the mask oflC when in place. Let all, who this position doubt, Mark those who're in, and who are out. Among the latter 'twill be found, The present favorites abound But time, and only time can prove If they deserve the people's love; Whene'er in office, ten to one, Their reputation will be gone. Some, by misconduct, forfeit oft Their fame, and then are justly scofF'd. A silly word a foolish act From reputation will detract; No protestations then avail, When once enraged the world will rail, And all appeals are then in vain A name thus lost who can regain ? Sufficient let these hints then be, Nor think, B tt, the Muse too free b 4 8 INTRODUCTION Thou by the people art esteem'd, A friend, by all the people deem'd- * I trust thou wilt remain so still, And never forfeit their go<.d will; Still act the conscientious part, And always be what now thou art! How different would have been the case, Hadst thou been in the Colonel's place; The place of G 11 m LI d, I mean Nay, tho' th' Upholsterer's bill had been Double the sum it was, or more, Thou wuuldst have paid the whoie, before The subject should have reach 'd a court, And thus become a theme for sport Thou wouldst have freely giv'n, I'm sure, The la ly all the furniture, Since she it was, who had of late, Much matter furnished for debate. Now to my canto, tho* this first, May probably be deem'd the worst TO CANTO FIRST. 9 Yet, (which I hope will be confest,) It is as useful as the rest: Hence youths of forty-Jive will see, They ought to shun bad company Hence men of power will be taught, Promotion should be never bought Hence statesmen learn, that love should ne'er With public business interfere: In short, I trust, that every reader Will find th' instruction he may need., here. MARMION TRAVESTIED. fntronurtfon to Canto >eton&. TO R- D B Y SH- -N, Esq. As this my second canto treats On learning and scholastic feats, I cannot, to a better man, Inscribe it, than to Sh r d n; Whose father, we remember well, In diction did so much excel For elocution he gave rules, And thus assisted all our schools. The son, as much too as the sire, We must for eloquence admire CheUea. 14 INTRODUCTION His arguments are always clear His language fine his wit severe But needless to expatiate so On what the world already know. Men of abilities oft die Before their time I know not why And therefore Sh n, we find, Was lately to the tomb consign'd The newspapers declared his death, The very hour he lost his breath And this report did then afford Full scope his actions to record, His biographers, now bring forth To recollection all his worth' And thus sagaciously contrive To keep his memory alive Surpris'd were numbers, I am told, His resurrection to behold; Monk L s was o'ercome with awe, He thought a spectre that he saw; TO CANTO SECOND. 16 And many were the moments lost, Ere he address'd the living ghost. Call we these deaths, so premature, " Killing no murder/' to be sure, Hence, probably, the scribbler H k, TV idea of his patch- work took: As soon appeared after this time His farce beg pardon pantomime, For pantomime consists of tricks, Which, helter-shelter, they may mix; But farce should have a kind of plot, Tho' pieces now-a-days have not Thou Sh nthe critic, must Confess, that these remarks are just. Now of my canto I must speak, TV indulgence of my readers seek A Boarding-School ! But well I know, I must contend with many a foe- How many rail at ladies' schoois, Call all the governesses fools 16 INTRODUCTION How many parents guardians swear, Their children have been ruin'd there; How many bitterly declare, They seminaries are for fashion For dress for love (that gentle passion !) As miss, tho' scarcely in her teens, To get a sweet-heart, here finds means. Perhaps another school near hand, For gentlemen you understand; Thus lads and lasses often meet, And get acquainted in the street. Young gentlemen such rogues are they, Can winks, or love-letters, convey When happy Sunday comes what then? The misses see their gentlemen; Each at the other fondly stares At church and thus they say their prayers. Of course 'tis said that everv child At boarding-school is surely spoil'd; She's taught French sentences indeed, Ere English she can spell or read; TO CANTO SECOND. 17 So delicate the meat is carv'd That many a little one is starv'd And as their stomachs, 'tis confest, Can never morsels gross digest They oft receive a lump of fat And then are told they must eat that: For 'tis at school the etiquette To eat up every thing you get; Should miss however, not be able, 'Tis for her supper brought to table. Thus mistresses exert their skill To make their little pupils ill For physic is an extra charge, And tends their school-bills to enlarge. Since thus so many in the town Our ladies boarding-schools run down; I have good reason then to fear They'll on this canto be severe; But, gentles, some compassion take, For mine and for Miss T r's sake. * c 18 INTRODUCTION* I sing a governess not faulty Her girls too young are to be naughty * I sing a governess whose nod Is law whose sceptre is the rod; She never flourishes a cane (A punishment we must disdain). She leaves no marks, red, blue or black Upon a little lady's back For when correction children lack, Not to the hack, but to the side Thereof, the rod is then applied. Ye critics be not too severe, Rash condemnation pray forbear For many schools there still exist, Which claim attention, I insist; The School for Scandal eke is one, A school which rivall'd is by none; Another, which is also prais'd, At Covent Garden late was rais'd The School of Reform it is call'd And now-a-days should be extoll'd TO CANTO SECOND. 19 No longer on this theme I'll dwell, Farewell then Sh n, farewell; May Drury's Theatre again Be soon rebuilt its sway maintain; May it out-top its rival near, And of the renters too get clear; And may Apollo thereon shine More favorable and more benign, Then heretofore but sure I err He shone too bright you will aver; His godship should have rather wept And then his station he'd have kept; For had he rain'd down tears, no doubt He would have put the flames soon out- Then trust not to Apollo more, He burn'd the world in days of yore When he let Phaeton, his son Do that he should himself have done. Farewell -this trespass pray forgive And long your death may you outlive. c 2 MARMION TRAVESTIED, Jntrotmctton to Canto CjnrU. c 3 TO MAJOR H NGR. May 11. To the bon vivant who delight In noisy merriment at night, Who love to take a cheerful glass And kiss at times the yielding lass; Who cannot bear at home to plod, But seek for happiness abroad Who think that no such thing can be As Hymeneal Harmony: To those, who free and easy live, My song may now some pleasure give.- c 4 21 INTRODUCTION Thou, Major, art the man for glee, The man for noisy revelry; Thou canst the bumper freely quaff And raise a Bacchanalian laugh; Canst crack a joke ne'er crack'd before And set the table in a roar; With manly voice canst sing a strain, And lads of spirit entertain. To thee, who hast a store of wit, As every body must admit, Who hast rare qualities imbibed, To thee this canto is inscribed. Yet see, ye gay ones, see by this, Intemperate mirth is not true bliss; Attentively this canto read, And then convinc'd you'll be indeed That during merry-making's din Reflection frequently breaks in; That sudden terrors oft annoy This wild and momentary joy: TO CANTO THIRD. Perhaps a stranger in the room To mar your pleasure may presume His observations trite commence, And innocently give offence The very landlord, in the bargain, May tease you with his idle jargon; For, landlords 'tis a fault among, Not one in ten can hold his tongue; Thus, when you hope to be most pleas'd You may be most disturb 'd and teas'd. For those who also pass their lives With mistresses instead of wives, This canto also may produce, Some information of great use; Hence may we learn no lasting bliss, Attends th' illegitimate kiss Hence may we learn that fav'rites few Are ever faithful ever true; m INTRODUCTION But different sentiments prevail, At matrimony several rail " A wife," as Sir John Brute may say, ' Is the same dish both night and day."- The libertine indeed disdains The very thoughts of Hymen's chains; He likes variety in love, And keeps his liberty to rove: The monarchs of the wood he sees Prefer and cast off whom they please; And like these beastly monarchs he, King of the bedchamber, will be The advocates for amorous bliss, For disencumbered love like this, May point to many a man and wife And notice their domestic strife Then jeering cry, " Great, I confess, Is your connubial happiness; If these the pleasures be of Hymen, Unburthencd love I see no crime in - TO CANTO THIRD. *7 So, sooner than I'd take a wife To be the torment of my life, 1*11 have a mistress whom I may When she displeases, send away." Let such attentively peruse The humble offspring of my Muse ; And tho' of wives they thus discourse They'll find that mistresses are worse. We must pay dear for every kiss, Ere we these ladies can dismiss. Such are the notions which of late Among our bucks predominate; But honest men, we still may find, For other pleasures are inclind; John Bull his partner only loves, And seldom from his fire-side moves When, with his children, at his meal He feels what libertines can't feel; Domestic joy, without dispute, For honest Bull is not a brute. it INTRODUCTION How many married men, you'll say, Abandon wives and go astray ; How many wives you may condemn, And say the blame lies upon them; Be it the care tho' of each spouse To guard his goods as well as house, And let the giddy married rake, A warning from this canto take: To such 'twill be of double use ; Like bachelors they've no excuse Now, candidly, we all must own, That gaiety's too much the ton; Were there no profligates, I'm sure Our girls wou'd still be chaste and pure- Our wives be constant to their vows And never deck their husbands' brows Then be the fair excused for, oh! 'Tis by the libertines, I know, The easy virgin's led astray, And to seduction falls a prey ; TO CANTO THIRD. *Tis by the libertine, the wife It made a criminal for life Whatever sorrows then befal, Thanks to our libertines for all! MARMION TRAVESTIED. gntroourtfon to Canto Jfdurtj). TO SIR D VD D ND S. The subject now on which I treat, Your patronage I'm sure will meet Not idle love, but noble fighting, The brave Sir D d takes delight in. A man so truly grave and wise, A lady's chamber must despise: His hours much rather would he spend At the W Office, with a friend; The army interests promote, And time to business thus devote, d 54 INTRODUCTION By some indeed 'tis questioned, whether Old age and knowledge go together ? They say, but heaven knows how true, That an old man can nothing do; When the heyday of life is past, The first age,f then is like the last Mere childhood and for business then, Wholly unfit are all such men. And yet in antient times, the sage Was much respected for his age And great attention too was paid, To every thing, a veteran said. 'Twas then admitted as a truth, An old man far surpass 'd a youth. He was the Mentor his advice. Was prosecuted in a trice; He bore the sway and why not now s Discretion marks the aged brow. t " And ne man ill his time, plays many pai 1j. IIU acta being seven ages." Skakesi>e&re. TO CANTO FOURTH. 35 Come veterans, and let's agree, That such commanders still should be. Yes, let our officers be those, Who bravely have encountered foes; Let merit alwavs take the lead, Not to th' unworthy bow the head; Gods! shall a stripling a young man, Sway the experienced veteran ? Shall he, who has much service seen, And ever valiant too has been, For want of int'rest be discarded, For want of friends be unrewarded; While he, who never service wrought, Who never joined in an exploit, Has, by the means of sordid gold, Bought that, which never should be sold? If merit cannot always claim Promotion where the soldier's fame? d 2 36 INTRODUCTION" As sailors, let our soldiers rise; To valor ever give the prize; And let no officers have sway O'er men, who are more great than they, But each commission be the test Of real worth, not interest. Thy judgment then, Sir D d, prove. And all improper acts remove, And tho' beyond the age, thou art, To take in war an.' active part, Thy skill and penetration can Declare, thou'rt still an able man : For thou canst counsel, canst advise, And be, like great Ulysses, wise; Who, when strength fail'd him, had recourse To stratagem, instead of force. He served his country by his brains; And therefore not a doubt remains, By such wise men, should men be led ; For what's a chief without a head? TO CANTO FOURTH. ST Establish then on a sure basis, *The army, while it now thy place is; All partiality reject, All little jealousies correct; Be all thy regulations just, And flourish then the army must. The reader, who looks o'er this rhyme, Must keep in memory, the time When it was written, he may find Some facts which he must call to mind If much of war, he hopes to read, He will mistaken be indeed; For tho' 'tis natural to suppose, Whoever to an office goes, Is on his business wholly bent, And there delays with that intent; Yet this is often not the case. For many an office, is the place Of conversation and I wot, That business sometimes is forgot, d 3 $8 INTRODUCTION At our chit-chat then, and our tale Let no fastidious critic rail To make amends the Muse did fain, And broke out in a rapturous strain, Upon the Archduke Charles's name, For which is she too much to blame? Could she foretel his overthrow, Could she anticipate foreknow The dire vicissitudes of war,, Which, strange as various, often are ! MARMION TRAVESTIED. gnttotmctton to Canto fifty. d 4 TO THE RT. HON. SP R P- July, 1809. Methinks you feelingly exclaim, " No man can now insure his fame, Since every madam, every sir, 'Bout trifles may create a stir; Since harlots now, whene'er they choose, Their kind protectors may accuse; And when they find their money short, To public calumny resort." But why th' investigation court? 42 INTRODUCTION Why not the enquiries rather shun, Than tell the world what had been done;- Why not the scrutiny avoid, Rather than secrets spread abroad ? Indeed, our reverends agree, None in the world from sin are free : Were we with scrutinizing eyes, To mark and then to criticise; Were we to pry into the thoughts Of men examine all their faults, The works of darkness bring to light, Who then could be esteem 'd upright? None could th' investigation bear, Each man of sin must have his share. Like thee, believe me, sir, the Muse Would willingly the D excuse; Not him his friends she chiefly censures, Who must have known all his adventures, TO CANTO FIFTH. 4S Who should, like friends, have been sincere, And stopp'd him in his bold career Have candidly advised forsooth! One whom they look'd on as a youth Have told him as a certain truth, Whene'er a P a fair protects A just allowance she expects; For if not kept as she should be, It is a slur on dignity: The lady well may cry " For shame!" The creditors may dp the same; The keeper only is to blame. She's disappointed and in debt She unavoidably must get/ If thus exposed to insults she, What kind of a protector he ! As some, no doubt, a married D . For keeping favorites, would rebuke The Muse here offers a good plea. And trusts it will admitted be 44 INTRODUCTION Our P s must, 'tis understood, In marriage join with foreign blood; Their inclinations are restrained, In wedlock they are doubly chained ! Tis natural that P s, then, Should passions have like other men; That they should love, yes, I protest, Their own dear countrywomen best ; This partiality they can No otherwise demonstrate, than By taking ladies into keeping, And moral laws, by overleaping. Then think on this, nor marvel they So very oft should go astray Yes, think on this, nor marvel why To English beauty P s fly; Th' offence, if any, is but small, When thus in love these great men fall, 'Tis no great harm, I must aver That native charms they shou'd prefer TO CANTO FIFTH. 45 That they should love a Mary Ann, For every P is but a man. Thus P 1, your r 1 friend, You see, I'm willing to defend; And trust I too, that you may yet The victory o'er W die get. The time will come, depend upon't, When you may call him to account When you may prove him not the man, He seemed to be, when he began Another's character to scan. Investigate his conduct pray, And for himself what can he say? Prove all that's past 'tween Mrs. CI e, Since the enquiry, and this spark; Call F s Wr ght, of Rathbone-Place, And he will state, with serious face, " Not the least hesitation made he, A house to furnish for the ladv : 46 INTRODUCTION For freely to my shop he came, And made a bargain for the same; But begged me to conceal his name, Lest should the matter be made known It might diminish his renown." Call D 1 Wr- ght, for I know well That the same story he will tell. Of other witnesses there's many, Call major D d, and Mr. Gl nnie; And will it not appear then true, That W die, a gallant is too? For keeping Mrs. C ke why blame The D of Y ? He's done the same; Why blame the D because 'tis said, He broke th' engagements he had made, And for his kisses never paid Because he bade the fair adieu, And his protection thus withdrew? He's done the same he has demurr'd To pay the debt which he encurr'd: TO CANTO FIFTH. 47 The fair he also has cast off, And makes her truth a public scoff. Of course he then acquits the D And mars the task he undertook; Has proved himself a very fool The lady's plaything, and her tool! Rash man ! henceforward, never try To pluck out of a brother's eye A trivial mote ere thou discharge Out of thine own, a beam that's large. MARMION TRAVESTIED. ^nttotmcttan to Canto >tjrtf). TO LORD ELL ROUGH. July, 1809. Oh happy country, all must own, Where partiality's not shown Where every man may claim his due And for the same another sue No matter what no matter who ! Blest constitution, all must say, Where equity and justice sway Where every subject may be sure His fortune and his life's secure; e 2 52 INTRODUCTION No despot can the former seize, No tyrant hang him if he please Twelve honest men his fate decide, And by a jury he is tried. Then of our laws let none complain, Or treat a jury with disdain; That man betrays but little sense, Who out of court makes his defence *Tis there and then to prove he ought His adversaries are in fault; Let him consider he stands then, Before his God and countrymen ; That then's the time, and there's the place He should corroborate his case; If proof he do not then produce, Future appeals are of no use. Some times indeed your Lordship must Confess the observation's just TO CANTO SIXTH *5 The law admits of a dispute And quirks occasion a non-suit. Else could the members of the law, Objections start find out a flaw; An instance we may here remark, Videlicet Few versus Clarke This Auctioneer, Mr. John Few, Thought proper Mary Ann to sue For money, bona fide, due But tho' the tradesman prov'd the debt, Yet not a farthing could he get. She prov'd she had a hushand, tho' She was not living then with Joe; The plaintifFlost the cause of course, Yes, lost his cause and what was worse The lady's costs he paid per force; For soon into his house there came An execution for the same. What afterwards tho' did he do? A curious hand-bill up he drew, bi INTRODUCTION Cautioning tradesmen not to trust, The married lady else they must Lose ev'ry halfpenny oft indeed, As she her coverture would plead Tho* she, or her mama cou'dn't tell Where Mr. C then chose to dwell- This in a Letter he inclos'd, Assuring her she'd be expos'd, If in a week she did not please His just resentment to appease. By this mancevure by this threat, Recover'd he his costs and debt ; With means chicanery supplied him, To get what late tjie law denied him For hurt was now the lady's pride, Exposure she could not abide; And rather than submit her name To public ridicule and shame She paid a debt a debt, I say, Which now she had no right to pay: TO CANTO SIXTH. 65 Why did not W die do the same, And learn prudence from this dame? Had he by noble pride been spurr'd Exposure he had not incurr'd. He did not take a proper mode For 'stead of paying what he ow'd, He thought it proper to forget He e'er had paid some of the debt; Your Lordship the defendant blam'd For having thus the bill disclaim'd, Observing he thereby became, Subject again to pay the same: Indeed no wise part did he act, 'Twas foolish to deny a fact: Especially as now Frank Wr ght, Has in his story brought to light A circumstance which proves, I wot, The bill could not have been forgot; And what does Mr. Wr ght aver? ( Vide National Register;) 56 INTRODUCTION. Dishonor'd was the bill when due,, And Wr ght the Colonel then went to,- Who w r hen this sudden news he heard, All in amazement he appear'd; Half of the cash he sent, he said, The rest a friend was to have paid Behold confession thus was made; From him the bill in question came; By him was also paid the same. But hark! the Contest now begins: Then read, my lord, and see who wins; To thee this canto I submit, Who as a Judge can be more fit? MARMION TRAVESTIED. CANTO FIRST. Gloucester palace. B MARMION TRAVESTIED. CANTO FIRST. Gloucester palace. Ingentcm foribus donms alta, superbis Mane salutantum totis vomit aedibus undam. Virgil. Georgia. I. Night threw her veil o'er Cupid's seat, Fam'd Gloucester-Palace love's retreat, And Portman's-Square so green ; Now Paddington and Dorset-Street (The brothels where both sexes meet, B 2 4 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto And tumble beds, all soft and sweet, In darkness lie unseen; The watchmen, at Aurora's peep, Drawling, " Past four/' while half asleep, Like lazy sluggards yawn; Their lanterns to each door they raise Which, with a farthing rush-light blaze, Reflect the morning's dawn. II. In microscopic view, the trees Ascend expanding by degrees Their foliage more and more. The matin light afforded means, Of thus disclosing all those scenes, Which were obscured before. The servants from their chambers start, They quick prepare each room ; And taking now an active part, To show his skill and wond'rous arf; anto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. The porter with his broom Sweeps out the passage and anon, Hums,, Molly put the kettle on. III. The chamber-bell he ringing hears, He looks around, and soon appears One of his lady's dearest dears. Just risen out of bed. A soldier-lover too, I wist, Who held a paper which he kiss'd; Then of promotion a long list With great attention read: But having stoop'd, he unawares From hinder part, upon the stairs, A trumpet loudly blew; The porter being rous'd withal, Now warn'd his lady in the hall: For well the blast he knew; n 3 6 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. Then quickly did that lady call, The house-maid cook, and servants all: IV. " Get ready breakfast, let me see Some toast that's nice and brown; Some new laid eggs prepare for me, Plump and spermatic let them be, The chariot bring, with ease and glee, 'Tis fit that we leave town; Let Carter wait, and thrum on flute, The Yorkshire-march a fit salute, For lovey coming down. In their obedience so precise, Sped two maid-servants neat: The cloth was laid now in a trice, Eggs brought by Mary-Ann's advice, And toast that was both brown and nice The breakfast made complete. kanto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. V. Along the hall P e F c trod, Appearing like a demi-god; Loose did his morning wrapper flow; Well, by his visage, you might know He was a lover smart and keen, And had in many a chamber been; The smile upon his face express'd That Cupid triumph 'd in his breast, His looks of love, and eye of fire Betokened amorous desire; But prudence still his actions sway'd, lie kiss'd but then he never paid. His breeches, evermore were bare, In vain they're ransack'd by the fair; No cash, nor even notes were there; Perhaps nor ever since His empty pockets, always scant, Show'd he was not extravagant, But, in the night, a gay gallant, At day, a prudent P e. 8 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto I. VI. Quite smart was he from top to toe, In looks, and dress a modern beau And his white hand, which oft he laid Upon hi '^robbing heart, display'd A diamond ring where, full of art, A Cupid play'd a wanton part, With bow prepar'd, and piercing dart. E'en such a Cupid who, to win Compassion, cries Pray let ine in. The gay device, too, bore above These words " The All of Life is Lovh." White was the wrapper he did wear, White ribbons deck'd it here and there; The waistcoat, lovely to behold, Was satin white, and trimm'd with gold. VII. The minstrels sing perhaps 'tis true, The splendent blaze of azure blue, Now gleaming thwart the room, canto r. GLOUCESTER PALACE.! From envious fay, or genie's rage Predicted dire and sad presage, Of what should be his doom. The talismanic jewel brought, The Prusian Princess to his thought; In vain that thought to stem, But then* remembering to forget, He from his finger, took the gem And gave it to his pet. VIII. The confidante of Mary-Ann, And eke another of the clan ; From Farquhar's loins who sprung, With sed'lous courtesies essayed The tricks of widow, wife and maid. Free converse flowed without restraint, And little deary made complaint Of French's faithless tongue: Inflam'd by wrath, the Bishop swore On bible crosier, staff and w e, * Vidf Peter Pindar. 10 MAKMION TRAVESTIED. canto i That master French's broken vow, Should cost him dear if any how, He play'd a game so basely dark, And made a dupe of Mrs. Clarke. IX. Four servants of the Duke now wait With messages, before the gate, They brought their lord a change to wear, And led along a sprightly mare ; A beast of mettle, that did prance As if by Astley taught to dance. One of these four a lackey fam'd, A German youth, Ludowick nam'd, Like Mercury, was on the wing, So ready to do any thing ; His master's boots, he in a crack, Polish'd, and made them shining black. Now other servants fill'd the place, In liveries all trimm'd with lace; Each wond'rous clever, knowing how canto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 11 To give a letter,, make a bow: Each cou'd a glass of brandy swill, And oft at cards, had won his fill; Each had a lass, for ev'ry man Will ape his master when he can. Their dirty boots, now prov'd that they Had come from Weybridgc all the way. X. 'Tis meet that I shou'd tell you now How richly stor'd and order'd how The house at Gloucester Place : Magnificent, superb the plate, Displaying more than usual state, Which did the sideboard grace; E'en the wine-glasses that were there Cost each two guineas, they declare, In none was there a flaw: And the pier glasses too were such, (They cost, oh, heaven knows how much) No mortal ever saw ! 1^ MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. XI. A train of servants too there were, All in rich liveries clad; And every man-cook that was there Each day a guinea had. To welcome this their royal guest, The maids were ready found; For when the Prince the mansion blest He spread good humour round: " Welcome, brave Prince, to Glo'ster-seat, Stout heart and open hand! Well dost thou please our mistress sweet, Thou flower of English land ! " XII. A lady every morning came A lady of no little fame, Whose manners were most sweet; She kept a boarding-school, they say, At Chelsea, therefore knew the way A gentleman to greet: anto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 13 She haiFd the P e, and said, in truth, He was the gayest, sweetest youth A lady could desire. And he, her kindness to requite, Gave her a kiss with great delight, While she pretended ire; " For shame, P e F c; oh fie! You see not what you do; Don't you perceive the lady's by, To whom that kiss is due." XII. Tis said this modern gay D'Estree, Ow'd to a royal refugee The splendor of her plate: And Wh d a long tale confess 'd How once by Orleans posses'd, It now had lost its weight. Be this as't may, we can allege, Convenient it was found to pledge, O change, o sad mischance! 1* MARM10N TRAVESTIED. cakto I. For princely F c when he saw't Foreswore the giving of a doit To save the plate of France. XIV. Now plac'd erect in grandest chair, The ladies at each side: Caress'd he was by all the fair, And Mrs. C e thus cried, " Dear Mrs. F y, I beg You'll hand the toast about And give my dearest man an egg } I wish him to get stout: For he is kind, there's none more so, The kindest e'er I saw; And this to prove, you all must know The case of Major Sh we: By my solicitation, he Did his request obtain; Five hundred pounds were due to me, For which I ask'd in vain. canto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 15 But when I told my sweet of this, His love he did display; For he that acted so amiss, Was put upon half-pay. Go, Mrs. F v y, I request. And tell the cook I'll have That little pig for dinner drest, Which Colonel S nd n gave." XV. The toast was handed by the maid, The golden egg-cups brought, And on the table too, she laid Some napkins, as she ought. The mistress now began t'en treat, That he would nothing spare, But that his breakfast he would eat, As if he lik'd his fare. Now Sam came with his flute, and soon He play'd thereon a fav'rite tune. U MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. " Ah ! sure a pair were never seen, So justly form' d to meet by nature; The Youth excelling so in mein, The Fair in every grace and feature ! Oh ! how happy to inherit At once such beauty and such merit ; For surely she Was made for thee, And thou to bless this lovely creature." Scarcely P F c's ear cou'd brook The player's flattering lay; Yet did he praise the pains he took, And eke those pains repay : For lady's suit and minstrel's strain By P e should ne'er be heard in vain. XVI. " Now, my good P e," said Mrs. C e, Cf Of your fair courtesy, I pray you let mc have some mark, And more good-natur'd be. canto I. GLOUCESTER PALACE. \7 You see I am at great expence, And very much in debt; So, to support this consequence Some money I must get. My creditors enrag'd become Indeed they're not a few; Believe me, that whene'er at home I'm dunn'd for money due. My servant knows how rudely now These fellows rail and scoff; Seldom hath pass'd a day, I vow, She has not put them off. For thee my passion has no bounds. As every one may learn; Pray let me have a thousand pounds" The Prince's brow grew stern. XVII. The lady mark'd his alter'd look, And gave her friend a smile Under the arm she took the D ke, And chuck'd his chin the while. C 18 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. " Come kiss me, love a truce to strife ; But first I pray thee, fair, Where hast thou left thy wedded wife. At first the comfort of thy life Whose beauty was so rare When last in Weybridge, Sir, we met, The Duchess close I spied ; And often mark'd her cheeks were wet, With tears she fain wou'd hide. No common beauty she, I vow, But matchless, we must all allow, In truth, a Cyprian queen : But happier far had been her lot Far happier indeed, I wot, Had she another husband got, And ne'er this country seen. Her skin is lovely to the sight, Her bosom when she sigh'd; The habit shirt, tho' round it tight, Cou'd scarce repel its pride. Alethinks her tender little feet Are nicely formed and most complete, canto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 19 A Chinese guard upon her : I swear upon her tiny shoe, I can no longer stay with you, Regardless of her honor. Say, do you mean your beauteous wife In solitude to stay; Or shall the partner of your life Her charms abroad display?" XVIII. Prince Frederic ill cou'd brook such jest. He roll'd his kindling eye; With pain his rising wrath suppressed Yet made this calm reply : " That lady, whom you think so fair; Can noisy London never bear; In short, if more you wish to know, She is at Oatlaiids but so, so. Enough of her but madam, say, When saw you Mr. D-wl-r, pray? Does he a visit ever pay? c 3 20 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. Or does another, now his toast, His favors and attention boast ?" A sarcasm this for Mary Ann Was said to love this gentleman. XIX. Unmark'd, at least unrecked, the taunt, Careless the dame replied; " No bird whose feathers gaily flaunt Delights in cage to 'bide. Though Gloucester Palace cut a dash, The mansion may for want of cash A hateful house become. A lady of my fame, you'll find, Will go abroad to raise the wind, When money's scant at home. He who a lady's smiles wou'd reap Must pay her for her love, But empty pockets ne'er can keep The dame inclin'd to rove, For that man's vows are surely vain Whose breeches never aught contain." canto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. SI XX. His darken'd visage now unbent, The D in voice of calm content, And soothing accents spoke; With ardor press'd the fair one's putse, More likely to relieve than Hulse : The soft'ning balm with thrilling power Dispell'd the gloom and check'd the shower, Which on the fair carnation cheek, Her sorrowing heart did full bespeak, When thus the cloud he broke. " Nay, though this William you approve, I am not jealous, no, my love; So far from that, my dear, I'll make Him commissariat for your sake; For this some cash will be your due, And thus I'll serve both him and you: Then pray you chuse some trusty friend, On whom I safely can depend, Whom Mr. D wl~r, shall go to, And tell him what he needs must do ; c 3 22 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto Hint what in public he should say, And what in private he should pay; The place will seem then, manag'd thus, Not to have come, you know, from us." * XXI. The Prince's words re-echoing rung, And Mary's heart declared Her joy, while thus her syren tongue Announced her quite prepared. " For such like need, my dear, I trow, This house can find you friends enow; As gentlemen of fashion pay Their personal respects each day; Here Colonels, Generals, Captains, call, Besides my love, you know ods fillikins I courted am by stately Nollikins. Lieutenants, Major's, ensigns all Among the army sure you'll find, A friend must suit your warlike mind." bahto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. sf XXII. "Now, in good sooth/'Prince Frederic cried, " The army ever are my pride; No better friends can man desire Than those whom martial deeds inspire; But as incog, you know, I'm here, These friends I should not see, my dear; Were I, the chief commander, to Encourage such an interview, The act as shameful would appear And justify suspicious fear, Which currently asserts as true, The profits shared are entre nous. A broker wou'd be better far; Or reverend clerk, unus'd to war; Or country gentleman, or one Suspicion cou'd not fall upon." XXIII. Now Mrs. Clarke, was at a stand ; And to her forehead put her hand, c 4 -4 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto r. " Fain wou'd I find the friend you need, But cannot think of one indeed: None of my servants can I spare, Nor can I trust them, I declare. And, though this house so many throng, Few honest friends are them among. There is Sir James indeed but then, I have not seen him lord knows when: To tell the truth, the baronet And I once parted in a pet; For he refus'd a debt to pay Which on my word, is due to day: I've creditors, but then we must Not trust those men who've given trust: There's an attorney, whom, I own, I, to my sorrow late have known; But then, there's not a viler cheat, No knave in London town so great. There's Sam, indeed a better boy, I think no person cou'd employ; canto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 25 A welcome guest where'er he goes, And every street and lane he knows; And every lass that can bewitch, From Piccadilly to Shoreditch! But then, the youth, I needs must say, Cannot be spared for ev'n a day ; For he's the life of all at home, And sadly wou'd be miss'd by some, So great a favorite he's become. MissT r, saw him with, she said, One of her pupils, on a bed ; When he, sans shoes and stockings fled ; And she has solemnly declared, If e'er he kiss a girl she's rear'd That her birch rod shall not be spar'cl. Seldom he's been at Chelsea since, And would be glad to serve a Prince." XXIV. Now Mrs. Martha, who did look: At both her mistress and the D , t6 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cant I. The word thus modestly up took; " Dear Madam, we should all be sad if half an hour we lost this lad ; He is a youth of mirthful speech ; Can many a game and gambol teach, At Hindman's buff he with us plays, And witty things he always says; Sings a good song at the first call, And quite alive he keeps us all, When time hangs heavy in the hall. He's rather wild indeed, forsooth A very rogue, but then in truth We could not live without the youth. At boarding school, I certain am The girls encourag'd master Sam. Let the dear lad stay with us still, Snug in the kitcken eat his fill, Sing songs and do what'er he will. One of your visitors, know I, Wou'd at the Prince's beckon fly." " Indeed!" quoth Mrs. Clarke, " and pray Who is it, dearest Favory say? " CANTO i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. *7 XXV. cc There is a Doctor of great fame Who has an O before his name, And who, of course from Ireland came: Who preach'd with wondrous eloquence A sermon on benevolence, Before the King ; and 'twas so good, His Majesty the whole time stood. He universal love display'd, And many observations made In short he's prov'd, yes; prov'd to all He knew the precepts of St. Paul In Virtue's paths he's always trod, A wou'd-be father he in God! For to a mitre he laid claim A bishoprick was all his aim, And which he would have had, we know, But crooked letter tho' so round ! Because it had an Irish sound, He lost it through his name with O. Then I advise you, let him see Twere best begin his name with P. 6 MARMION TRAVESTIED. < Pliant in pimping like an osier, He thus may yet obtain the crosier. XXVI. " The great Archbishop eke of Tuam Bore testimony that he knew him; And that he was, he did aver A gentleman of character; Of independent property, And most distinguish 'd pedigree. This were a friend a Prince might court ; But, when our Sam is in his sport, As little, as the wind that blows And warms itself against his nose Knows he or cares which way he goes." XXVII. " Well," quoth the D , full loth I'd b Sam's services to take from thee. That merry fellow here shall stay And with his favorites romp and play. If this same pastor, as a friend. cawto I. GLOUCESTER PALACE. Will on a message go, I give my word the reverend On my endeavors may depend To set aside the O. I love those holy comrades; they Can always merry make the day, With song, romance, or joke; Some jovial tale, or glee or jest, Some lying legend at the least Have they to charm the folk. Nor helm alone nor blazon'd sword, As emblems do I bear, And tho' I wench, and sport and quaff Mine is the mitre ring and staff; But hold, I pray what makes you laugh Is it that Bishops break their word! All do the same I fear." XXVIII. " Ah, gracious Prince," did Martha cry, With slyest wink of sloe-black eye, 80 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. " This man loves merriment and wit A great deal more than holy writ: He's always acting some stage parts, And oft at things unseen he starts. We heard him once though quite alone, Exclaim, " The work goes bravely on;" To cousin Buckingham talk'd he, Though none was in his company. " I feel it here," he says it seems He of the mitre always dreams. Strange are his ways, I like them not, Sam thinks the mania he has got : No man in his right senses e'er Would by St. Paul so often swear ! He sometimes says, and says, we own, A truth, c< I am myself alone." XXIX. " Well," cried the D_, " this rev'rend priest At present I will try at least: cahto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 31 No matter, though he is half-crack'd, He can our business well transact. So, Mrs. F y, let me see The gentleman when next calls he." The Doctor shortly shewed his face. Full of solemnity and grace: In a new suit too, was he clad Of black, and a large wig he had, Which cover'd all his pate; His looks did not his heart betray, For he endeavor'd to display A countenance sedate. His hat was cock'd en clerical, And fitted to a miracle ; A head, whose rotund form belied The temperance of churchman's pride. The cravat round his neck he wore, Was tied with wond'rous art before; In short his tout ensemble prov'd, That what was good, he dearly lov'd. 3S MARMION TRAVESTIED. cai XXX. When as the Priest now grac'd the hall, No gentleman was there more tall Or had more dignity withal; Or seem'd more high and proud, For no entreaty did he wait, But entered quick the room of state, And seeing F c where he sate, With reverence he bow'd. His frame so round, was plump to see His heart too beat oh, yes with glee: And while he stood 'fore royalty His eye-balls roll'd with joy Poor fool! the mother that him bare, In his flush'd face and frantic stare, Had never known her boy. Enthusiastic joy, we find Has wondrous power o'er the mind, For hope can run before the wind, And rubifv the cheek! camto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. Ambition leads to all extremes, And tiptoe-expectation seems T'amuse the heart, with idle dreams; Insuring what we seek. Happy whom none of these befal, But this proud pastor felt them all. XXXI. Prince F c did his wish declare; The pastor said no pains he'd spare, But wait on S w, e'en the next day, And tell him, he his debts shou'd pay. " Tho' I to-morrow preach indeed, And in the evening prayers must read; But them I'll hurry o'er: Some babes must christen in the way With a sick woman too, must pray; All shall be done without delay, As I have said before : A couple then I have to wed, Ere they together go to bed, D 34 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i. Their wishes to reveal. Heav'n grant, I say, the joy they'll find, May be of that pure, real kind Which I this moment feel. XXXII. The cloth for dinner now was laid, For the delicious pig all staid, And on it a good meal they made As did the cooks remark; The wine and glasses then appear, And Mary Ann drank to her dear, The priest returned thanks with cheer, Assisted by the clerk. Out of his fob at length he took His watch, and giving it a look; This gave the hint he wish'd to go, And in such cases we all know, Apologies abound ; His stay they press'd 'twas, they aver'd, Too soon to part, so nought was heard But compliments all round. anto i. GLOUCESTER PALACE. 35 XXXIII. At a late hour Prince F c rose,, Round his dear's neck his arms he throws; Then, after a few kisses sweet, (For lover's lips must always meet) And lad and lass had stood upright, To bid the visiter good night; Prince F c up his beaver took, And gave his dear a tender look; Kind compliments the hero paid, The lady several courtseys made: Then, moving slowly towards the door, His German slave going before; The parlour bell was rung and all The servants crouded in the hall, Which shook with the ding-dong; And forming in this place a file, They bow'd and scrap'd now all the while His Highness march 'd along; Into the coach the Prince thev put, The coachman 'gan the steeds to cut, And the street door the servants shut. END OF CANTO I. MARMION TRAVESTIED. CANTO SECOND. C!je 9SoarHtng ^ftoal 3 CANTO SECOND. f)e Soattriug Sx&ool* O! when she's angry she is keen and shrewd; She was a vixen when she went to school, And though she be but Uttle she is fierce. Midsutn. Night's Dream. I. The sun, which swept away night's gloom, Round Gloucester Palace play'd; With his bright beams did he illume The mansion, nay, the very room Where F c oft had staid. d 4 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cant* h. And not in Gloucester Place alone, But all about the Thames he shone, Immensely bright and strong; Whence from Westminster's cloister'd pile, Making for Chelsea all the while, A boat now cut along. The gale which now the vessel drove, Made it at last so briskly move The boat began to dance. The watermen, when they look'd back With laughing made their sides to crack, So quick did they advance. Much cause they had indeed for glee, For in their boat who shou'd there be, But fam'd Miss T r, all so fine, With five sweet girls the eldest nine. II. 'Tvvas droll to see these little fools, Free now from school, from rigid rules Like birds let loose from cage. tANTo ii. THE BOARDfNG SCHOOL. How many and how curious too, For all to them was strange and new, And all the common sights they view Their wonderment engage. One eyed the boat and all therein, With many a remark most shrewd; One at the waterman did grin, As he tobacco chew'd. Then laugh'd out loud a hearty roar, If water thrown up by the oar; Herself or neighbour dew'd, And one her tippet now would close, For fear the breeze might aught expose- Perhaps the waterman's rude eye, Her pretty little breast might spy, Perhaps, because the action grae'd Her fair turn'd arm and pretty waist. Light was each bosom without care Save two, who ill might pleasure share, The mistress and the teacher there. 4* MARMION TRAVESTIED. anto h III. The mistress was (her birth to scan) The daughter of a gentleman; Who teaching ladies undertook, Ere she herself cou'd read a book; Fair too she was, and kind had been As she was fair but ne'er had seen For her a royal lover sigh, Nor knew the influence of her eye. Love was a noun, which she defin'd Common, not proper, in her mind. Her only care, her chief concern, Was to make girls their lessons learn; The greatest grief that touch 'd her heart, Was when obliged to make them smart. And her ambition's highest aim Was that her school should have a name. For this a fool's-cap she'd in store, Which many a little lady wore. For this a rod was often made, Which was on many a bottom laid. anto ii. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. 43 She gave some sugar-plums and tarts, To those who studied well their parts. And in addition to their bliss, The good young lady had a kiss. IV. Plain was her dress for of her school Simplicity had been a rule. Her cheek was pale, her form was spare, Chiding, and manners so austere, Had early quench'd the light of youth, Yet kind the mistress was in sooth. Though proud of her pedantic sway, She lov'd to see her girls obey; But never cross on holidays, So that the ladies lik'd her ways. It was for money she left home, When she to Mrs. C ke did roam, Thence she dispatch 'd a bill or two, But did not get what was her due. 41 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cawto it This was vacation time she brought Some ladies home whom she had taught; And much she fear'd (the money lost) She'd have to keep them to her cost. V. Of sister Sarah, I, indeed, To say aught here, have little need. Save she was kind good humour'd free, Though as a teacher acted she: She lost the object of her love, And could no other since approve; And as her father's means were scant. As he could no allowance grant, She had consented for a while To undergo scholastic toil, And thus obliged cross looks t'assume, She had diminish'd beauty's bloom. VI. While in the boat she sat all prim, Quite motionless was every limb; canto ii. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. 45 Strict notice of the girls she took, On each poor maid she fix'd a look, The least offence, a seeming fault Her instant reprobation caught; A dirty nose, an air of pride, Or a round shoulder, made her chide. If e'er she saw a miss act wrong, Or heard her hum a vulgar song; If e'er she saw, though out of school A lady titter like a fool, She'd such an angry look bestow As made her shake from top to toe. VII. Such discipline, we must confess, Bespeaks a charming governess ; Old men and women, all agree With great king Solomon, that we Our children should correct in time, For every little or no crime; To make them good, when in their prime, 46 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cavto ir. So teachers never, 'tis a fact. Can be too cruel or exact To make a naughty lady good, She must be kept without her food; Meal after meal, 'till she obey, Or properly her lesson say; And if needs must, 'tis fit that she A prisoner in her room shou'd be. VIII. And now the boat was row'd so fast, At Chelsea they arrived at last. The beaux and belles here passing by Attracted each young lady's eye. The Church was now beheld by all, And likewise Chelsea Hospital; Near which a building rose to view, And which by right belonged thereto; But was converted, though not meet, Into a Colonel's country-seat. They several tea-gardens saw, Which company in summer draw; canto ii. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. 47 Where often common folk regale On pots of beer or mugs of ale. They with astonishment gaz'd at Every new fashion, gown or hat ; Some did perhaps their fancy strike, Others there were thev did not like : Thus walked they, at a rate most slow Till they at length reached China- Row. IX. The dust, for want of rain no doubt, Had spread itself now all about, For with the carriages and breeze, It flew about as thick as peas. And on this day, twice, if not more. The servants swept before each door; The dust still settled on the place, And show'd of sandall'd feet the trace. Thro' China-Row they scarce cou'd pass, So incommoded was each lass; At length the Boarding-School appear'd, The sight the mistress only cheer'd, 48 MARMION TRAVESTIED. AMT* H. For all the little girls agreed It was a dismal house indeed. X. The Boarding School was neat and plain, And but four rooms did it contain; Some tester beds were here and there, Arrang'd along the garret, where The little ones repos'd: The room for school, altho' but small, Was still the largest of them all As may be well suppos'd. Upon the wainscoat was display'd The needlework of ev'ry maid; And some, which carefully were framed Attention very justly claimed; The subjects various; some, I wot, From Thomson's Seasons had been got; Others from Scripture for, behold ! Susannah with the Elders bold, And Moses in a bush on fire, And Isaac kneeling 'fore his sire. : canto ii. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. 49 In every corner on the ground, A Dyke or Entick might be found, For young beginners, there's no doubt, Oft throw their spelling books about. Some toys on every seat were left And dolls, of hands or legs bereft; Yet still the school unrivall'd stood, For every girl was good. XI. Soon as the governess in popp'd, Each pretty miss a courtsey drop'd; And with a countenance all meek And tears which fell upon the cheek Humility she feign 'd Though romping half an hour before, And making a tremendous roar, A sreneral silence reign 'd: Now at their mistress's command, The little ones in order stand; The rest on errands run, E 50 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cab Books, needlework, and every thing The lady calls for, quick they bring, And, as they thus are on the wing, All in a crack is done. The parlour-boarders, who were nigh, Rush'd emulously to put by The lady's hat and cloke. Miss T r having then sat down ; If she looked cross or seemed to frown, The deuce a word was spoke. XII. Suppose we now all lessons said, Suppose half-holiday was made, Because of some birth-day; In parlour, drawing room, or hall, Or in the garden they ran all, With skipping-rope, or cup-and-ball, And had a merry play. Till fell the evening damp with dew. And the sharp eastwind coldly blew cantp ii. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. 51 For 'tis in Chelsea always chill: Then having skipp'd and play'd their fill, They clos'd around the fire And all, in turn, began to tell A fairy-tale which each knew well, And which could never tire: For be it known a miss can bear A dozen times such tales to hear. XIII. Then a young lady bravely told, How to a fair three lovers bold, Together came to woo; While one, to lose the charmer loth, Said to the rest, " Have at you both," And with his sabre and an oath His rivals madly slew. Another lady also show'd How Whittington in grandeur rode, And to a cat that grandeur ow'd. e 2 5* MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto ii They also told a curious tale, About a most tremendous Whale, Which John Bull ran to view, . And oft in fair Miss T r's face That Whale was good To stem the flood Of popular grimace ; They told and wond'ring could not construe How pleased she felt at such a monster. A very monster it was thought, Which off Gravesend was lately caught. And crowds of people drew. The folk, when aught their wonder raise Will talk of it for many days. They told of Bluebeard, who in strife Cut off the heads. of many a wife; And in a chamber for a show, The sculls he plac'd all in a row. XIV. Xor did the grown-up ladies fail To vie with these in simple tale canto II. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. 53 Of Monk Ambrosio, wicked, bold, And all his gallantries, they told; And of the GJtost at Hammersmith, So many were alarmed therewith, O'er fields and ditches jurap'd each man, As if they for a wager ran, With looks of terror pallid wan ! Th' Ephesian Matron in its turn, Was told the young ones liked it well, How for her husband she did mourn But, wondrous tale to tell, Though tears she o'er his coffin shed, She took another in his stead, (For one alive's worth two that's dead,) And left the gloomy cell XV. But fain the little girls wou'd ken, If, still at night, fair Imogen, e 3 54 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto 11 Is for her perjury held tight By brave Alonzo's angry sprite. Such tales the muse of Lewis told, And said they might the ghost behold, And hear his horrid sound A dismal groan a ghastly form, vSeen but, and heard when gathering storm And night were closing round Of this as a romance of love, Fastidious critics disapprove. XVI. While round the fire such legends go, Far different was the scene below: The servants had their sweethearts bid,f And in the coal-hole they were hid More dark and nasty was that vault, Than the most filthy hut, There many a child too for a fault Was threatened to be put t i. e. invited anto ii. THE BOARDING SCHOOL. oS And such the terror of the threat The child wou'd cry more than when beat. This hole, which chilling every sense Of feeling, hearing, sight, Was calPd the Place of Penitence, Excluding air and light Was likewise visited by rats, A place of courtship eke for cats; For here they often met to woo, A caterwauling rendezvous. 'Twas now the hiding-place of love, Whence not a soul was heard to move: But all lay snug through fear, For up to hide, the sweethearts bounc'd Whene'er a lady's foot announc'd. That any one was near. XVII. Yet though well known was this coal-hole; To all the girls, yet not a soul E'er ventured there to totp,f " I need not here your honors tell, For you must all remember well, That late in Coven t-Garden stood A Playhouse built of brick and wood, Where master Betty oft perform'd, And like a little hero storm'd When he in Barbarossa play'd, Tom Thumb he sure of Selim made Then burlesque tragedies we view'd And burlesque comedies ensued; t The story told in the original, admits of so close and apt an imitation by introducing the humorous tale of oust and posses- sion, which lately occurred at Covent-Garden, that we could not let slip the pleasing opportunty. Besides, the tale is closely in point with the story of ejectment from the Horse Guard*. canto m. THE CASTLE INN. 95 For such the dramas of this stage That five-act farces were thea rge Here childish spectacles were seen, Here JWother Goose commenc'd her reign ; Ghosts, witches, fairies, all danc'd here, To charm the eye but not the ear: For sense and reason now had fled, All show and pageantry instead; And I have heard my grandsire say That when he last went to a play, The entertainment was so vile, So flimsy and so puerile, Compos'd of spectres charms and spells, 'Twas only fit for Sadler's Wells. XIX. " Close to the gall'ry door, which ran The Bore-Street way a publican; A struggling brother, long had liv'd, And of his house a lea^c receiv'd, 96 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto ii c, He to support himself and wife, And children, led a bustling life; And was undoubtedly of use, As oft he wash'd down Mother Goose; For he the folk us'd to regale With bottled porter, stout, and ale. In truth 'twas a commodious spot And customers he always got; Between the play and farce had he Variety of company. For probably this play was dry, Which made them to the strugglers fly; In short here many a lad and lass Took a refreshing, hearty glass, And then return'd all in good time To see the merry Pantomine. The entertainment being o'er, He still had company as before; And oft good judges have confest His entertainment was the best. akto u.. THE CASTLE INN. 97 XX. "While thus our hero was employ'd, A conflagration all destroy 'd; Of play-house strugglers, every stick Was by the flames demolish'd quick What wine was lost, what charming scenes, The dresses too of kings and queens! Stage-properties flew here and there, Triumphal cars rode in the air; How Rolla look'd with anguish sore, For he no bridge had to run o'er " I grieve," he said, his voice was hoarse And broken seem'd its hollow force "I grieve these flames shou'd burn so bright This is indeed a sorry sight." In vain the engines water rais'd, For still the fire more furious blaz'd; Nor did it to go out begin Till naught remain'd to keep it in. H 98 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cant m- XXI. ' Soon on the ruins they began To build, on a superior plan, Another theatre; the which Was to be far more grand and rich. Our mathematic Roscius tho* (Whose looks form angles with his toe) Would not consent to build the school, By any but masonic rule; Admitted then to masonry, He played the tale of mystery. But strange, these judges so profound, Monopoliz'd the Struggler's ground; Some hundreds for his lease he wanted Which H s would no doubt have granted; But the wise Prince of Denmark thought, The fellow had no right to aught. No right indeed for, without doubt, There was no house, he was burnt out " Gramercy" quoth his highness now " His lease is nothing worth I vow; canto in. THE CASTLE INN. 99 Good H s listen but in peace, This dunning fellow lost the lease, That fire which burnt dramatic skill, Spared not the work of lawyer's quill. And by my hopes that soon I may Again at Covent Garden play, Soothly I swear, that, tide what tide, This man's request shall be denied." His bearing bold the work-men view'd, And thus well pleas'd, his speech renew'd ; " That's right my honest lads, make haste, For not a moment must we waste; I trust you will the contract heed,. For next September, 'tis agreed This edifice shall be complete, An undertaking truly great Rub but my trusty genius' lamp And quick this paltry knave shall vamp; Then haste, and soon into the skies Shall shrew'd Aladdin's palace rise. h 2 100 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto hi Dispatch, my hearty lads, pray do, I'll change my old lamp for a new. And I'm resolv'd, if he don't pay His rent by the next quarter-day, That he shall suffer durance vile, Shall lie in prison for a while; And when in kimbo how can he Then go to law and lawyers fee ?" XXII. " Soon the poor man arrested was, This rather aided tho' his cause; If he'd no house then we must say He had of course no rent to pay A case most novel it appear'd, And therefore lawyers volunteer'd In court the case was argued on, They prov'd that tho' the house was gone,. The ground was there, and, day and night, To stay thereon he had a right They prov'd that if another came, And rais'd a building on the same, canto in. THE CASTLE INN. 101 That building the materials all, Every brick that form'd the wall, Were bona fide the lessee's, Therewith to do what he might please. Now this was a great point of law None of the managers foresaw Or the box-entrance, on this spot, They never would have made, I wot, But thus it is ev'n men of schools The wisest men are often fools. / XXIII. " The sheriff in his carriage came, To give the publican his claim The ground was prov'd without a doubt Where stood his house, and measur'd out; The length and breadth precisely cut, And he was in possession put; Yes, in possession, I declare, And now 'tis Turn him out, who dare ! ii 3 10? MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto nr. Again the Struggler is at home Which was fine merriment for some The workmen now were all amaz'd But more especially they gaz'd, When barrels were brought in; Now numbers came, and the brown stout Was handed merrily about, Which made them laugh and grin. And with his stout, six-pence a pot, A handsome livelihood he got. The managers all in a pet For consultation quickly met 'Twas the best way, they now agreed, To his proposal to accede. But all in vain he would have more, Much more than what he ask'd before. Mad, very mad, Octavian look'd, So ill he this extortion brook'd And 'twas a speech of Shylock Cook's ' How like a publican he looks." c*.T in. THE GASTLE INN. 105 XXIV. MARMION TRAVESTIED. c**o iv. She could assume the greater airs While managing the D 's affairs; But sad it is we must allow, She'd no affairs to manage now. Forsook was she by the K 's son, And every thing of value gone; Her diamonds too were all in pop, At Mr. P *'s well known shop. Her servants wou'd no longer stay, E'en Mrs. F y went away. She now had no companion, save A mastiff dog sincere and brave, Who for sagacity excell'd. As tightly once the D he held, And thus his stay would have compell'd, f 'Twas a brave dog for the attack He strove to bring a wanderer back. t We are credibly informed that his R. H. was once detained in Gloucester-Place, for several minutes, by a mastiff, who seized hiui by the skirt of his coat. cajto iv. THE WAR OFFICE. 1*7 XIII. Now full of spite did F c vow Against his mistress he'd wage war; His friend he then consulted how, For such was the ambassador; Who gravely said he must take heed. And with great caution too proceed-^- An angry woman, right or wrong, Was never known to hold her tongue, And Mrs. C , he now was sure, W^ould all discover, being poor; For poverty too welLhe knew, Did pinch as bad as a tight shoe. While thev discours'd did T r's wit Oft cheer the P -'s moodier fit, For he was conscious he should prize A friend so noble and so wise. XIV. It chanc'd, as friends will often do, That round the War-Office they walk'd, 128 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto it. And just to kill an hour or two, On various topics talk'd. When T r, unaware, averr'd, Some of his love-letters, he heard, Were in a Baker's hands, And which would doubtlessly be shewn To half the people in the town, Against his strict commands: And, closer question'd, thus he told A story, how this Baker bold Of these sweet billet doux got hold. canto it. THE WAR OFFICE. 129 XV. C&e Mrcftsatwr of jfloroccos g>totp, of t&c ampsteati 35afcet\* " Of all the villages so fair, Fit for a lady's dwelling, In England, far beyond compare, Hampstead is sure excelling; In meadows here, in jovial June, How sweet the merry linnet's tune, How blithe the blackbird's lay! Here little sheep lie at their ease, The bullock roars the horse too neighs The saddest heart it well may please To see all nature gay. Though this circumstance took place some time after the separation, yet as it was previous to the investigation, there can be no great impropriety in the introduction of it here. K ISO MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto iv- But June was to this lady fair A month of sorrow and of care; Too well her cause of grief you know Forc'd now from Gloucester-Place to go; A dwelling for herself provide, And at a baker's to reside; This sure was cutting to her pride. To Hampstead she, however went, And here incog some months she spent. XVI. " While here economy she tried, With a French lady for her guide; Tho' she to make no stay meant, Yet month succeeded month- at last The quarter-days came on so fast. The landlord wanted payment. And time so rapid thus went on, That all the cash it seems was gone : Bundles of papers now were seized, And she eternally was teased canto iv. THE WAR OFFICE. 131 For money by the baker Of forging wills she him did tax, But still he stuck to her like wax,f As if he'd ne'er forsake her. He ask'd for money ev'ry day, And in a passion oft did say, That if her rent she did not pay, D n him, but he would make her; And even hinted too the way For bailiffs soon should take her. Thus Mrs. C , so much perplex'd, And with the fellow's threat'nings vex'd, Swore she would punish him, and still She harp'd on the mysterious will. At length, not brooking such a man, cc Good bye to you," says Mary Ann: Thus saying, she packs up her clothes, And on a sudden off she goes, t We are to recollect it is a shoemaker that is tellinj the story. K 2 IS* MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto it. Ne'er paying, we may well suppose, The Baker what was due Soon as he found with great surprise, That she was gone he instant flies With his attorney to advise, What he had best to do. XVII. " Searching the rooms he soon did find Some love-letters she left behind, Which lay about her bed; Determin'd their contents to see, He look'd, and much surprised was he When words like these he read ; But with a voice did ill accord With each sweet amatory word: " My dearest, dearest Mary Ann, but then it must be so; And this he meant that she should know. XXVIII. He meant to add for well he knew The danger of an interview- 144 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto iv. A meeting must too painful be, The fair he'd then decline to see; Sighs, importunities and tears Would shock his eyes wou'd shock his ears,. How could he then agree ? All her entreaties wou'd be vain These resolutions he'd maintain, And never one of them revoke. In his defence he meant t'aver This parting had arisen from her, As she her faith with him had broke: The matter therefore he'd not mince But tell her in a letter, since She strove to injure his good name, He'd act with caution as became A Chief-Commander and a P . XXIX. Now Windsor struck the P 's sight, He gaz'd but not with much delight; Until within him burn'd his heart. canto iv. THE WAR OFFICE. 145 And lightning from his eye did part, As when he lost at play; Such glance did falcon never dart, When stooping on his prey. " Well, I have now made up my mind, Who think to change it, soon shall find 'Twill be a vain essay And 'pon my soul and life, I swear, I'll for the future take good care, That with important secrets ne'er Will I entrust another fair, Lest she may them betray." While thus he mused somebody said, His absence, if he thus delay 'd; Would grieve a mother fond " So much at present you endure Tis better to walk in, I'm sure, Than fret perchance despond." 145 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto it. XXX. Still oa the terrace F c staid, And further observations made He walk'd about, yes, to and fro, And ev'ry hour did warmer grow; In short he rav'd and mutter'd so That he appear'd a man of wo, So much oppress'd and scared Backwards attcl forwards did he go, His pace now quick and sometimes slow, While those who saw him stared. Sometimes he thought that he might plead The frailties of youth indeed. In vain, alas! though, did he strive T'excuse himself for forty-jive Was not a tender age; The world would say, which was the truth, No man of his years was a youth. But one that should be sage. * * * * * * canto iv THE WAR OFFICE. 147 XXXI. While thus he ponder'd, word was brought Her M j his presence sought; He went at her command. Mamma, so gentle and so mild, Receiv'd with joy her darling child, Who though with apprehensions wild, Affecting satisfaction, smil'd, Then kiss'd her r 1 hand. Now on refreshments they regal'd, Good-humour, as it seems, prevail'd, While thus the mother said: " On you my eyes I seldom set; I absolutely now forget What day it was when last we met, What night at cards we play'd; But now we'll have, my son, I wist, A comfortable game of whist, To banish all our care. You cannot want a partner here l 2 148 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto But partners you can find, I fear, Much more agreeable and dear, At Wey bridge, or elsewhere."- XXXII. Not so" he said " it is my pride With you, dear madam to abide, And therefore came I now" But what he said he little knew For he had rubbers, not a few; But ken'd not what to say or do "Not so" he said " I vow Nothing can give me more delight, Than passing here a merry night Then spare reproaching 'tis not right For I deserve it not." His cards he carelessly survey 'd. But little cared he what he play'd, Or if a trick he got Some wondered that he play'd so bad- And some imasnn'd he was sad. canto iv. THE WAR OFFICE. US And kindly strove to cheer Such kindness made him ten times worse; He now grew peevish in discourse, And what did strange appear Perhaps it was ill luck's decree. No matter what the cause may be, The truth I needs must say In ev'ry hand he play'd, did he His honor throw away ! At length the cards aside he threw, And saying he must bid adieu, He from the table rose - The servants now are on the wing. More wine and cake, they quickly bring, And while they're standing in a ring The music plays " God save the King,''" And off his H ss goes. END OF CANTO IV. L 3 MARMION TRAVESTIED. CANTO FIFTH. f)e 3fnbeittptt0n L 4 t 153 ] MARMION TRAVESTIED. CANTO FIFTH, Cjje gftfoesttgatfan. What is the bane of man, and scourge of life but Woman? What is the heathenish idol man sets up, and is damned for worshipping? Treacherous Woman. What are those, whose eyes, like basilisks', shine beautiful for sure destruction, whose smiles are dangerous as the grin of fiends, but false, deluding Woman? Constant Couple. I. Our hero and companions meet, Each other cordially they greet, And then about Threadneedle- Street, Familiarly they prate. 15* MARMION TRAVESTIED. can* For here, in an adjoining court, Places were sold of every sort ; In church Or in the state The agents, who did business there H 1 p and P 11 n, did declare By hand-bills which were sent abroad That being by great men employ 'd, They ample interest enjoy'd All kinds of places to procure. And make them to the parties sure. So, numerous customers they had, Who daily ran here, as if mad. II. Now F c hasted to Hyde-Park, The soldiers' movements to remark And he was happy that our land Cou'd furnish such a numerous band; For volunteers there met. When he appeared on the parade canto v. THE INVESTIGATION. 155 Each corps with pleasure he survey'd, And many observations made On such a martial set. Lads of all sizes and degrees, Taylors, men-milliners he sees Present and jire with greatest ease, And make a noble show; They wheel about without a fault, To right or left and now they halt And now make a suppos'd assault, As if there were a foe. Their pieces instantly they load, A volley quickly send abroad, For balls they put in none; In truth it was a martial sight, Which every hero must delight, For as they march'd, their bayonets bright Like very silver shone; Their regimental clothes were, too, Of various colours seen Some were in red and some in blew, And others were in green 15 MARMION TRAVESTIED. III. The hardy soldier that's inur'd To action who has long endur'd, Calamity and toil., Who on his back (a slender store) Has often his provision bore. While marching many a mile; Who's quitted every social charm His wife, his children and his farm, All all that he esteem'd; And sought th' enemy to disarm, While, midst all danger and alarm, Intrepid still he seem'd; Who has return 'd too without harm. Save scars, mere scratches deem'd. These are true services indeed, And which promotion, as their meed, Most justly shou'd acquire; His, is not only valour's name, To patriotism it lays claim; Tis not a momentary flame, Like straw that's set on fire. camto t. THE INVESTIGATION. 1ST IV. Not so the raw recruit as yet No foe or danger has he met To fill the mind with awe He never has been bred to war, Ne'er knew the battle's din afar, Nor havoc ever saw: It was not honor now which leads The careless youth to martial deeds On this he never thought; Not partriotism, I ween, the cause, But most undoubtedly it was The bounty that he sought. Tho' ?;old does wonders, as they cry, An ounce of valour can it buy, One grain can it infuse? As soon as bounty- money's got, Tis spent in drunkenness I wot Desertion then ensues! Now F c's friends as they pass'd b\. Examined all with careful eye 158 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto t And then their sentiments spoke loud, To be o'erheard by all the croud. When the commander they survey 'd, What fulsome compliments they paid; Each colonel to his neighbour said, " Hark you, my friend, look there ! Canst guess who has decreed those laws? 'Twas the Field Marshal he's the cause, And certainly deserves applause For his unbounded care. By him the army is improved By him incumbrances removed; Sure such a chief should be beloved Adored by all, I swear." V. Next, F c mark'd the female race Of different sizes, form and face, Who were assembled there. These girls were in their best array'd A gay and smart appearance made, cahto v. THE INVESTIGATION. \99 And all their charms were now display'd As so many temptations laid, Th'unwary to ensnare; Anxious to gain so rich a prize, They now look'd out with roguish eyes On F -c as he pass'd; They leer'd and prated all the while, In hopes to win a gracious smile, While these sly looks they cast. Of meeker manners some there were, More modest, tho' perhaps less fair, Who scorn'd to practise any art To captivate th'unguarded heart. The graceful veil hung from their head, Which all their features overspread; With a pelisse too they enclosed Those charms, by others so exposed. As if they fain desired T'escape all scrutiny but O! How oft' those charms are hidden so., To be the more admired. 160 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto v. The lasses flock'd on every side, And every artifice they tried; They wink'd and praied too anon, As with his friends pass'd F c on. Loud were their clamoring tongues, as when The clanging sea-fowl leave the fen; And while they look'd and talk so arch, The music play'd the royal march. VI. Thus thro' the Park they quickly passed, And Piccadilly reach 'd at last: Where all around a motley sight, Variety of folk unite. The loungers wander here and there, To Bond- Street, slowly they repair, Peep through their glass and idly stare. As through the bustling streets they go, All was alive with noise and show. At every turn, with dinning clang, The ballad-singers shrilly sang. ganto y. THE INVESTIGATION. 161 And beggars too the path impede, Protesting their distress and need ; The rattling coaches drive along, And very great indeed the throng: Page, groom and 'squire, with hurrying pace Thro' street and lane and market-place, Now furious push their way; While doctors, with important face, Their daily visits pay; Considering cures for each disease, For fear their patients may decrease. 'Squire G d to his house all grand, Which did a noble view command, Now led the D and all ; For after their fatigue and toil They needs must rest themselves awhile, Indeed 'twas nature's call. Meantime 'squire G d gives the sign Refreshment's brought and good old wine, M 16* MARMION TRAVESTIED. cani And freely they carouse; And when the appointed hour succeeds, The P , who still a favorite needs, Now follows G d as he leads To Mrs. C v's house. VII. The house was full of company It rung with wassel, mirth and glee; The mistress who was led t'expect, This royal visit, did direct Her servants nothing to neglect, To make the entertainment gay, And hospitality display. Well lov'd that merry lady, aye The banquet and the song. By day a novel, and by night The merry dance, traced fast and light' The rout the ball Oh, glorious sight' The revel loud and long. canto r. THE INVESTIGATION. t68 This entertainment was her best. For it outshone each former feast. The chandeliers which shone so bright, Cast on the room a dazzling light. Some on the harp display'd their skill, And some sat down to play quadrille. With flimsey chat of sense devoid, The gay gallant his time employ 'd; The wit his trifling jests too crack'd, The gentlemen the wine attack'd; While some in close recess apart, Courted the ladies of their heart, Nor courted them in vain; For often in the social hour Victorious love asserts his pow'r O'er coldness and disdain. And flinty is her heart indeed, Who, if an ardent lover plead, Will not unto his wish accede And mollify his pain. M 1 164 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto v. VIII. Through this mix'd crowd of glee and game. To greet the P Sir D d came, While all, politely rose; An easy task it was, I trow, The hero's manly form to know, Although, his courtesy to show, He trod, to Marmion bending low, On a fair lady's toes For martial all his manners were; And martial men we seldom find To delicacy much inclin'd, When pushing on, they never care What marks they leave behind. But though uncouth and bluff was he, Yet everv bodv must aoree He was good natured, bold and free. He'd ne'er the cttiquette acquir'd To be by female eyes admir'd ; But still there was ajenc seed quoit Which men of judgment always saw - canto v. THE INVESTIGATION. lit Which with the brave and the discreet, Had rendered him companion meet,-' And F c deem'd he ne'er had seen, A man of such a noble mein. IX. The general's form was middle size. For feat of strength or exercise. Shaped in proportion fair. And when he join'd in a discourse, His language had peculiar force Of skill he had his share. Free was his counsel and his praise, And kind when others spoke But, Oh ! he had such serious ways, He never crack'd a joke. Freely from theme to theme he rov'd, And lov'd to answer plead convince; So keen his observations prov'd, They fail'd not to attract the P \ m 3 166 MARMION TRAVESTIED. I said in counsel he was free No wonder then can it be thought, That his opinion should be sought Altho' in company. And now aside the noble D His counsellor, in private took; A letter put into his hand From Mrs. S r S th d : Sir D 'd quick perus'd the note, Which Lucy to his H ss wrote In which the lady, much distrest, Solicited a small request Her lover, being false, she said, Had for his resignation pray'd, In hope her arms he might escape, And leave his mistress in a scrape This seem'd, the counsellor agreed, A piece of cowardice indeed. X. O'er T r's heart, the people say. This lovely lady once held sway, canto r. THE INVESTIGATION. ir And fain would keep him still: And as the P did understand The Major artfully had plann'd, To leave this Mrs. S d And not his vows fulfil. A man of honor should'nt do this Twas acting basely and amiss; In vain it seems she wept ' And as the D was now advis'd, This matter must be scrutiniz'd; Ere he agreed t' accept The Major's resignation, for, According to the laws of war, The brave must always them abhor, Who ne'er love's vows had kept. And thus, the friends together thought, An explanation should be sought, Ere to the Major, could be granted The resignation which he wanted; And thus the business vvas delay'd, Until th' inquiry should be made;-' m 4 168 MARMION TRAVESTIED. anto v. And yet we must remark, That e'en thus cruel and unkind, The P himself was, as we find, To lovely Mrs. C e His former favorite who, in bailiffs' pow'r, All lonely sat and wept the weary hour. XL The fair sits lone in durance vile, And weeps the weary day; Now tears her sparkling peepers spoil No longer promises beguile. And amid company, the while, Sweet C y rises with a smile, Upon the harp to play. Fair was her rounded arm, as o'er f The strings, her fingers flew, t If the critic find fault with this line as having no corresponding rhyme, let him also find fault with the original; see " Marmion,'' p. 257. cant v. THE INVESTIGATION. 169 And has she touch'd and tun'd them all. Even her bosom's rise and fall Was plainer given to view; For all, for heat, was laid aside; Her Spanish cloak was e'en untied; And first she hemm'd her voice to try, Then on the P she glanc'd her eye, And then on all the company. And laugh'd and blush'd and oft did say, Those pretty words Excuse me, pray She could not would not durst not play. At length upon the harp with glee, Mingled with arch simplicity, A soft, yet lively, air she rung, While thus the darling woman sung. 170 MARMION TRAVESTIED. XII. THE BISHOP. jtes* $% g>ong* -' O, a Bishop from Surry is come here to pray, Throughout our dominions no man is more gay; And save one in a corner, he favorites had none, For he was so moderate, he lov'd only one; So faithful in love and so fervent in pray'rs That never did man better manage affairs. canto v. THE INVESTIGATION. 171 He staid not for cash tho' he ask'd for a loan, But he that cur'd tooth-aches, provided him none; And ere he'd neglect things of love or of state, He came without money, for fear he'd come late, For a laggard in love, is a fool, he declares, Unworthy of Cupid or e'en state-affairs. To worship his saint did he thus take a trip, And, quite pilgrim-like, with no cash in his scrip, When one of the vestals, the Bishop attack'd, ( It seems that the altar some sacrifice lack'd ) Oh! come you with money, or come you with pray'rs, Or come you with vows, that you'll settle affairs ? 178 MARMION TRAVESTIED. ant t. " Without you have cash must your suit be denied, [tide; Love swells like the ocean but ebbs like its So now I observe and observe very true That if you've no money, your kissing won't do; Your grace need not take empty pockets up stairs, It is a long-purse that must manage affairs. " The saint then appear'd and the Bishop soon pray'd; His vows but not one of the house-bills were paid. She look'd up for more and she look'd down in vain, For searching his small-clothes*, they nought did contain; She wish'd to know how she should settle arrears, (i Good-morrow," said he, and thus manag'd affairs. camto v. THE INVESTIGATION. 17S " How sudden his exit how wild was her look, For now his departure she scarcely could brook; While her sister did fret and her house-maid did fume, And her friends in a passion walk'd all round the room; And the servants too whisper'd, fC She's wrong, who e'er dares, To meddle so much with a bishop's affairs." " One hint by the way and one word in your ear, If ever you wish to be darling and dear Ne'er talk to a Bishop 'bout mammon, but know [show; His blessing's enough, as the sequel will " She is false then farewel let her rail, but who cares; Another I'll find that can manne affairs". 174 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto v " And to manage affairs is a business of art, A secret which prudence forbids to impart, A secret which e'en in the cabinet reigns. For statesmen can always display ways and means; In love or in war whoe'er stratagem spares, Deserves not a blessing to prosper affairs." XIII. Squire G d o'er the syren hung. And beat the measure as she sung ; And pressing closer and more near He whisper'd praises in her ear. In loud applause the comp'ny vied And ladies wink'd and spoke aside. canto v. THE INVESTIGATION. 175 The witching fair to F c threw A glance, where seem'd to reign The pride that claims applauses due, And of her royal conquest too, A joy that none could feign: Familiar was the look, and said F c and she would shortly bed. Sir D d saw their meeting eyes, With something like displeas'd surprise; For grey-beards ill can lovers brook An amorous word, or smile, or look; On certain pamphlets now he thought, And F c's privacy he sought. " We'll have more ban dogs, I'm afraid, More scurrilous paragraphs," he said "Already, as I understand, Some publications are in hand; By the advice perhaps command Of Mrs. S r S d. No longer to a mistress trust. They're all deceitful and unjust " 174 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto t. XIV. He paused and led where Billy sate And shook his head, heav'n knows at what; I mean that Billy, who before, The character of Mentor bore Who finding that his friend had rov'd, Took pains to shew his late belov'd In many instances had prov'd A lyar and a flat; Of course he thought he was ill-matched.. And should no longer be attached To such a treacherous cat. The only means which he could take This evil to remove, and make The separation sure Was, as he cunningly had tried Another mistress to provide, Thus love for love's a cure. For at the age of forty-five, A man, we know, is all alive, C4KT0 v. THE INVESTIGATION. 177 And of an amorous mood; He cannot then from love refrain, Forget its pleasure and its pain For he is high in blood. But grey-beards never think of this; As soon as they are past life's prime They seem to have forgot the time, That they did toy and kiss. XV. His countenance, like apple sour Yet tho' so sulky and so grave, He was well-bred, and wise, and brave Seem'd o'er the merry scene, to lower His passion, he could not keep down, His brow retained a haughty frown ; Near Billy when Sir D d stood, His bitter speech he thus pursued. " P F c, as I plainly find To stay the night here you're inclin'd; N ird MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto v. I shall not be the means of strife; Uncourteous speech it were, I know, To say you should to Oatlands go, And sleep there with your virtuous wife. Here if it please you, then abide Be Billy still your worthy guide He can discharge, and can provide: If your new mistress rail and scoff, Give him the wink -he'll turn her off; But that is true by the Lord Harry, I had forgot, while here I tarry- \nother pamphlet I have got, Written by H n, as I wot; This if your H- ss, please to carry, And Cupid half an hour allow, For half an hour will do I vow; A page or two you then may read, And if you like it, you'll proceed." As soon as he had said this name, Across the P -'s brow there came, A cloud of ire remorse and shame. canto r. THE INVESTIGATION. 179 XVI. In answer nought could Billy speak, His proud heart swelled, well nigh to break; He turn'd aside, and down his cheek A burning tear there stole; His hand Sir D d sudden took, That sight his kind heart cou'd not brook. " Now by my father's soul ! Billy, my hasty speech forgive; For sure as doth his spirit live, As he oft'times has said of me, I well might say of you ; A better fellow cannot be, In dress more gay in speech more free, More valiant or more true. Forgive me Billy, I entreat," And while he pressed his hand so sweet, Poor Billy looked just like a sheet; To seize the moment F c tried, And whispered to the knight aside: n 2 180 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto t. " Oh ! let those pallid looks assuage Your undeserved and sudden rage; A child will weep a bramble's smart, A maid will grieve for a sweet-heart, A fool will at his shadow start; But great must be the taunt, that can Thus change the colour of a man. Then oh ! how much his heart must ail, When Billy looks so wondrous pale." XVII. Vex'd was Sir D d, that the P So much concern should now evince. " Laugh those that can, fret those that may/' Thus did Sir D d coollv say; I'll take my leave I must away, And since it is resolved, I find, " Good F c shall stay behind; I trust his II- ss, soon I'll see, Ann" that at Oatlauck it will be." anto r. THE INVESTIGATION. Iftl Proud F c felt the taunt severe, And thus replied with a grave air; " Much honor'd were indeed my home, If in its halls Sir D d come, But should I be awhile elsewhere, A month or two with some dear fair My friends must come and see me there; With less restraint, perhaps and pain, My guests I then can entertain So don't be foolish, you must stay," And now he took his hat away; Then to the fiddlers did advance; " Strike up we'll have a country dance!" n 3 182 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto v. He now took Mrs. C y's hand, And led her down the room all grand ; Go to the devil, up they strook, And merrily themselves they shook. XVIIT. Leave we these revels now, to tell What to poor Mary Ann befel; While thus forsaken left to fret For she was head and ears in debt; She from the P received a note. Which secretary G d wrote. Declaring^ in his name, Her conduct was so incorrect, He must her favors now reject For he no longer could protect Such an unworthy dame. And to her sorrows now to add, A Mrs. Magpie- -who did 'gad, canto v. THE INVESTIGATION. 183 And wicked falsehoods tell ; Said the D 's name she had abused, Which for two thousand pounds, she'd used, For she could forge it well. About the Horse-Guards, quickly ran This infamous report; And even followed Mary Ann, Where'er she did resort. What did her sorrows now avail, Or who would listen to the tale Of woman, treated with such scorn, Now unprotected and forlorn? To the School-mistress quick she went, There her misfortunes to lament. XIX. That Stranger, who, as we have told, 'Fore F c had behaved so bold; At this time happened to pass by, When soon he caught the lady's eye, n 4 184 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto i Who freely now did own She had a secret to reveal, Which much concern'd the common weal, And should indeed be known; The Stranger press 'd then Mrs. C , To name a place to meet' Who said, before it was quite dark She'd meet him in St. James's Park, As he did so entreat There would she take her usual walk, And o'er the matter they could talk. XX. ,At dusk in secret, here they walk'd, The stranger and the lady talk'd The moon among the clouds rode high. And all the Horse-Guards' hum was by: On the parade, where late before, Was so much noise and wild uproar. C4NT0 y. THE INVESTIGATION. J 85 You might have heard a distant laugh, A beatle hum a cricket sing, An owlet flap his boding wing Upon the Telegraph. Now Westminster Cathedral, high, Whose gothic frontlets sought the sky, Was wholly lost in shade; There on its brows the moon-beam broke, Through the faint wreaths of silverv smoke, And on the casements played; And other light was none to see, Save lamps, which now displayed A glimmer of a faint degree, 'Bout Buckingham-House especially, Where they a circle made. A solemn scene the lady chose A solemn hour her secret to disclose. XXI. " O worthy Sir," she now began, I 238 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto vi. Where is the boy? what, William, ho! With this revised run." P F c fum'd well was his need! His jeopardy was great indeed Th' advertisements each day he read With great uneasiness and dread, And to consult with all his friends For A m, G- d, G n, sends. XV. Soon the companions meet, and now Sat consternation on each brow They thought a menace might dissuade And make the printer sore afraid; A messenger, for this intent To Salisbury-Square was quickly sent. Loud knock'd he at the door, and then, A louder knock he gave again ; "Sir! Sir!" he cried, cc what have you done?" Then soften 'd he his angry tone, ianto ti. THE CONTEST. J39 ' ' Forbear this publication, since 'Tis so requested by the P ; A pack of lies ! heav'n knows it well, What bookseller the trash wou'd sell? I know the lady's base design, I know she ne'er could pen a line; She thinks by falsehoods to do harm, And a boy-bishop to alarm Think tho' what danger must ensue By publishing what is not true ; The author she, the printer you Tis pity of her too," he said, fC For she can wheedle and persuade And call a thousand tricks to aid." This speech however nought avail'd, Both promises and threats now fail'd; XVI. Some time the messenger here spent. And to his passion gave free vent, But fruitless was each argument: 246 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto vi. The printer seriously replied That every menace he defied, " Lies, sir, or not, I freely own I do not care, for be it known; The volumes are already done." " Already done!" he echo'd, quick, " Sir, Sir, I ill can spell the trick On you the consequence must fall You'll be responsible for all." And now the bookseller began The point to argue with the man; " Where the occasion for this strife, Didn't George Ann Bell'my write her life? And every Ann, of equal fame Has sure a right to do the same. Should the memoirs mere lies contain, All this solicitude is vain. Can lies affect the nobly born? No, fabrications they must scorn. But if her statements be correct, And sad discov'ries you expect canto vi. THE CONTEST. 8*1 Some other means you'd better try To Mrs.'C herself apply That lady's wishes satisfy. You must defray, upon my word, Th' expenses which have been incurr'd, And, in this manner, I confess, The dreaded work you may suppress." The messenger in haste return'd - He show'd how menaces were spurn'd, And added, he had never met A more audacious stubborn set But he advis'd " Nay, prithee, cease, Thou ill-adviser, hold thy peace G d, thou bear'st a brain I pray What thy advice is freely say?" XVII. " In brief, then this is my advice, (Which I shall give in words concise) The lady must be ask'd her price On money we must now depend; R 542 MARMION TRAVESTIED. camto ti It is much better I declare To give a pension to this fair, Than public calumny to bear, And with a woman to contend." The instant that squire G d spoke, A sudden light on F c broke: cc Ah, simpleton, that I have been," He muttered " it may plain be seen This a scheme, a mere device, To make me pay an annual price; O subtilty most gross! Had I been wise, to distant clime I should have sent this fair in time, My path no more to cross What has she done? why, wrote a tale For G 1, and with some avail, The which he means to publish now Will people dare to entertain, Gainst F c, charge disprov'd and vain* Scandal prevails I trow. canto n. THE CONTEST. 24S This work we therefore must oppose, Or many secrets she'll disclose O what a scrape that man falls in Who strives a lady's heart to win! Her life, forsooth, yes her's and mine, And many others she'll combine This was indeed, the only trick Which could alarm P F c." XVIII. Stung with these thoughts, he begg'd some one Would question Mrs. C anon, What cash would for her life suffice ; (I mean of her memoirs the price, Not money during life; He never thought that he must grant A pension, or that much she'd want, To terminate this strife; But that the copy-right might cost Two, or three hundred pounds at most.) r 2 244 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto *i. Now, as Sir R d Ph 11 ps said., That a good bargain might be made, The lady importun'd his aid. Next day, the knight, true to his word, Her wishes to a noble lord Immediately made known; Besides annuities secur'd, Ten thousand pounds he was assur'd Must quickly be paid down. His lordship stared stared more to hear That she expected every year, Four hundred pounds no less; They for her son must too provide And pensions grant her girls beside, Ere she'd the work suppress. When this was to the council stated, How they all murmurr'd, grumbled, prated, And swore too high her life she rated; The downcast F c said 'twas plain That every offer would be vain, The ladv would her cause maintain. canto yi. THE CONTEST. *4f> XTX. Even so it was great the alarm; Advertisements now spread about Which said the work without a doubt Should very speedily come out; The contest thus grew warm New paragraphs attention -draw. And vex'd were some when these they saw, While many wish'd the book to read, And disappointed were indeed That thus and thus it was delay'd; Day after day the folks bespeak it, Dav after day the newsmen seek it But still apologies were made'. The curiosity of man, Was now upon tip-toe yVnd for the life of Mary Ann, 'Most every body eager ran To Paternoster-Row; r 3 546 MA.RMION TRAVESTIED. canto rr. And being disappointed thus No wonder they did make a fuss, And quite impatient grow. 'Twas then, the printer, as I guess, Received a message by express, And this delay had been advis'd That matters may be compromis'd; How many meetings now took place, With overtures, I ween, of peace; But as Sir R d wisely said A sum of money must be paid. XX. And where 's Sir R d Ph 11 ps now? At dinner! with his wife, I trow Eating fruit pies his usual treat, The which his lady makes so sweet It was for this he took her hand As biographers understand, And married her in haste. canto vi. THE CONTEST. 847 He never touches butcher's meat Can only vegetables eat And lady P p's paste. Tho' at a lord mayor's dinner, he With savory dishes ne'er made free For those he must not taste He from the meeting now kept clear, Nor saw he Mrs. C e for fear Her counsellor he might appear; For tho' the contest he began By thus advising Mary Ann, Still he'd be thought no party-man: A friend to both sides did he seem In hopes of all to win th'estcem; And yet, in fact, his only care Was to befriend th' unhappy fair. XXI. Ere their resolves reached F c's ear, In rage Sir D d did appear r 4 24R MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto iv. " There! there! I knew how it would be, Your friends are coming now I see, From Salisbury-Square with speed; A m and G d, hap what may, Five thousand pounds to one I'd lay That they did not succeed For more, and more, will be her price, It will be trebled in a trice, And you must needs comply. Well may you rue now what you did, That Mrs. C you e'er came nigh - Sooner than suffer thus I'd bid To master Cupid a good-bye." " Hold, hold," said A m, " thou hadst best, His H -ss is too much distrest." With downcast look P F c said, " Well, what arrangements have been made?" They told him upon hard conditions They'd drawn up several propositions, THE CONTEST. 49 To which the paries had inclin'd, And now they came to raise the wind. XXII. Away to P re 1 he flew, Scarce to Sir D d bade adieu ; Far less would listen to his pray'r No more to think upon the fair: Near to the C r's he drew, Who instantly appear'd to view. " The cash together we shall scrape, And now I trust we shall escape This devil in a woman's shape, Who's caus'd this dreadful fuss. 250 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto vi. Two thousand guineas then brought one, The same another and so on, The cash was gather'd thus. And when the whole they had amass'd, All fear of danger then was past, And they began by turns, at last, The matter to discuss. The C r now wisely said What they had best to do He thought that ere the cash was paid A true delivery should be made Of every billet-doux : No document should be retain'd, For well the fair he knew If in her hands still aught remain'd, More danger might ensue. This counsel proper did appear, To which they promis'd to adhere. A short time then P F stay'd, And all the while but little said, And then his friends dismiss 'd; cakto vr. THE CONTEST. 251 He begg'd that they would not delay, But quick to G 11 t's post away, And every thing they could to say That would the cause assist. XXIII. Much did the present fav'rite fret That Mary Ann the day should get, She was indeed almost struck dumb When told of the attack- Ten thousand pounds was a large sum ! She wish'd the money back. Thus the dejected Mrs. C y Fretted and rail'd till she was weary, And hung in grief her head. Awhile with her P F c stay'd " Now by my soul," he fondly said " These tears must not be shed ; Pray cease to weep, my lovely fair, Oh! think that it is F c's prayer S52 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto r. Thou wilt not? Well thou'rt still, I swear. My only comfort and my care. Do, G d, mod'rate her distress, While with the mourner you remain, Perhaps that woman may take less From fretting then refrain : If half she's willing to receive, The other half to thee I give, When here we meet again." He waited not for her reply, And would not stay her tears to dry, Nor heed the discontented look From any friend but off apace To know the issue of the case, His way to A m took. XXIV. " His R 1 H ss, by my life ! Welcome 'midst toil and cares Short greeting serves in time of strife Thus have I rang'd affairs anto yi. THE CONTEST. *6 Myself will see the letters all, Those of a private kind, Which chiefly billet-doux they call In number ninety, as I find, Immediately shall be resign'd, And which to bum too I'm inclin'd, Lest into other hands they fall Then, gallant Sir, to end this strife, Flames shall consume this woman's life, Of which, too many tho' by far, Eighteeji thousand copies there are; But I'll a bon-fire have made high To send their ashes to the sky." " Thanks noble A m," F said, Nor further greeting then he paid; But parting like a thunder-bolt, First at a print-shop made a halt, Where such a shout commenc'd Of " Bishop ! Bishop ! " that the boors So much enjoy'd the car'catures His H ss was incens'd. S.54 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto vj. XXV. 'Squire G d waited now their doom With Mrs. C y in her room And now, ( for mild the day indeed, ) To ope' the window they agreed; They heard the people as they walked, And knew what 'twas about they talked Sadly did G d then remark, " The horrid name of Mrs. C Is in the mouth of every spark; And hark! methinks that man exclaims, That her memoirs are in the flames." And sudden, as he spoke, He cast around an anxious eye And now, he fancied, in the sky A kind of sable smoke Thicker and thicker grew the mist, A common cloud no more, I wist, Than from the chimnies broke. canto vi. THE CONTEST. S55 No messenger arrived no one Announced what now was going on, At times they thought the cash was gone, At times a sigh exprest Their wish to know what had been done, Yet hoped they for the best. Long looked the anxious 'squire his eve None of his comrades could descry. XXVI. At length they're led to understand, The printer made a great demand. And first, for paper there's a charge, For printing too, the sum is large; 25fi MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto v. Th' advertisements add to the bill, Which other articles eke fill: In short they hear that G t's score, Was fifteen-hundred pounds or more, But nought for certain's said, It seemed according to report In cash that they were very short; Assistance therefore did they court, For business stopp'd of every sort, Until this bill was paid. Amid their consternation, quick Came the D s servant, L d v c, Who with a phiz most ghastly long, Which intimated something wrong, And with a voice, not very strong, Declared the news was true The printer's bill, he did confess Had aggravated their distress, And for the balance, he cou'dn't guess What they'd this moment do. canto vl. THE CONTEST. 257 XXVII. On his left hand, unseen the while Sir D d stood with a forc'd smile; He bade the German hold his tongue, And not to go and prate among The servants, and such giddy throng, Then from his purse he something drew, Bank-notes which he held up to view, And ask'd if these, they thought, would do To pay the printer's bill, But as P F c was not sure, That they more money could procure, He in suspence was still. The German round about did fly Huzza ! he's got it ! was his cry, Various their looks appear'd, First sad then glad now low, now high, At every thing they heard; Like little children when at play, Now crying, and then laughing, they, By turns so vex'd and cheer'd S 58 MARMION TRAVESTIED. c*nto >i. Sir D d no more time cou'd spare; " By heaven and all its saints, I swear, My friendship I'll evince Squire G d, if you please, you may With Mrs. C y longer stay, I'll hasten to the P ." And to the meeting off he ran, FoJIow'd by the P 's man. The eager sage, for great his haste., Walk'd, at this time, so very fast, He seem'd a youth indeed He went like chaff before the wind. And left the servant far behind Such was the old man's speed. canto ti. THE CONTEST. *59 XXVIII. Ask me not what felt Mary Ann, Her situation may be guess'd Perhaps to hope she now began, Perhaps despair, of fear the test, Render'd her mind awhile distrest While lawyers now with papers ran; She only said in broken sounds, Which buzz'd about, " Ten thousand pounds!" And while confusion thus abounds Nought heard they, but " Ten thousand pounds!" At length, the lawyers fill'd the deeds, The agents read the same, Sir D d was the last that reads - And then each man affix'd his name. Then down ten thousand pounds were paid, Th' annuities secure were made The printer's bill discharged anon, And fifteen hundred pounds thus gone - s 2 20 MARMION TRAVESTIED, canto yi> The private letters were restored, For which the agents, so implored. Th* attorneys' clerks, who stood the while, And witnessed all, too, with a smile, Said" Well, it is a trick! These volumes have produe'd some game, They've made a lady of the dame, A dupe of F c." " Come, lads make .haste be on the wing, And these Memoirs," said G 1, " bring." XXIX. Now loads are brought about they lie, Which often make tjie agents sigh. 11 Where's volume two? Signature I? Linger ye here, when you should fly. Bring all the copies run away, Call c Warehouseman!' make no delay, Why what's the reason he doth stay, We'll lose at this rate the whole day C4nto vi. THE CONTEST. 21 Where are the title page*? See! Run quickly to the overseer, And tell him he is wanted here; And all the pressmen send to me. Now, gentlemen, if you've a mind To tell the work I think you'll find, There's eighteen thousand here at least, And in the bargain here's the waste. Come, lads, and volume one collect; These, gentlemen, first pray inspect. Bring now the whole of volume two; Come, Jack, this parcel quick undo Must I bid twice? hence, scoundrels fly! And I'll the load myself untie." They reckoned and found all was right Poor Mary Ann cou'dn't bear the sight; The printer surly too became, And half he murmured, " 'Tis a shame So much good work is lost ; The lady's first attempt and yet No chance of fame now can she get, No reputation boast!" s 3 t6S HARMION TRAVESTIED. canto vi. XXX. O, woman ! in the hour of strife, The plague, the torment of our life, And variable as the shade, By the light quivering aspen made; Whenever gifts there are enow A condescending creature thou ! Scarce were the copies told, when she The quick destruction did decree, With all their rich contents. Forgot were fame and rage, I think, She only hears the guineas chink, Sees but the settlements. She begg'd they'd burn them in the Square, But heav'd a sigh as thus she spoke; Then dragging them to Salisbury-Square, f They set them blazing here and there, Which fill'd the Barley-Mow with smoke. t This repetition, instead of rhyme is according to the original, see p. 363. canto vi. THE CONTEST. Now run the mob ! they see the blaze,, And marvel much, I ween; While at the bon-fire thus they gaze, A title page is seen, Which in large letters held to view, " MEMOIRS OF Mrs. M. A. CLARKE; INCLUDING FACTS, AS STRANGE AS TRUE, AND ANECDOTES OF MANY A SPARK." And thus these volumes were destroy 'd; Volumes of smoke they sent abroad, While every one the agents blames It should have publish 'd been they said, And if condemn'd by those who read, Then be committed to the flames. XXXI. A bottle now P F c took, When told the Jinis of the book < c Is every morsel burn'd?" he cried, " Then all my fears may now subside;" s 4 264 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto vi. But as remembrance rose, " What sums of money has it cost, Too much indeed, heav'n knows! No matter tho', since I've to boast My fame is not entirely lost." " True," A m said, '< and well Has terminated all this strife Here are your letters and the Life, Thank heav'n is gone to hell." . P F c bounced up at the sight, So very great was his delight, His extacy had now no bounds, Till told of the ten thousand pounds; ' ' It was too much," he said " I knew That woman any thing would do. I would the fiend, who sways her so Who rules her mind some years ago Had taken her away ! I'd then have 'scap'd proud W die's lash, I then could have preserved my cash, And nothing had to pay. canto Yi. THE CONTEST. 265 It may not be! she's drain'd our purse, But very well it is no worse; For tho' the contest was severe, I am, thank heav'n! from woman clear:" Then leaning back to take his rest, He sunk on Mrs. C- y's breast. XXXII. Now Mrs. C y strove to please, And rouse his spirits by degrees: The 'squire too begged him o'er and o'er To think of Mrs. C no more. But still her voice was in his ear, No other woman could he hear, He thought that thus she sung. " Why did you leave me and go to another? If cash you don't give me, I'll make ajinc pother!" So the notes rung. 266 MARMION TRAVESTIED. iUNTO vr. " Come rouse yourself and be a man, And think no more of Mary Ann Forget her odious name, I pray, With Mrs. C y toy and play, And think on love and bliss With many a lover I have been, And many a separation seen But never aught like this ! " But still he heard the people talk, For folk will prate whene'er they walk; And t( Wardle!" was the cry; A frown now F c's brow o'erspread, And passion fired his eye With furious voice, he loudly said, "May I have vengeance on his head, Sweet vengeance ere I die !'* canto v|. THE CONTEST. 26T XXXIII. And now, th' upholsterer, Mr. Wr ght, Was out of cash, as well he might, For men in his extensive way Have every week some bills to pay, Yet for their own are forc'd to stay " Where, Daniel, where the books?" His brother the account-book brings, They quick examine all the things With most impatient looks. And now on Mrs. C they thought The furpiture which late was bought Her residence to fill; They then agreed that by and by, This quarter they for cash wou'd try, And beg to W die she'd apply For money or a bill; But not apply for the whole sum For fear the Colonel might be glum, And take it rather ill. irdtf MARMION TRAVESTIED, cant yi. Away went Dan to Mrs. C- By way of preface did remark, As business had been Terr slack j And illness drove them rather back, Great was their present need; Five hundred pounds did he much lack; That would suffice indeed He was assur'd then by the fair She to the Colonel would repair, And see if he the sum could spare. XXXIV. On the Upholsterer's, next day CalPd Colonel W die, as they say ; He now confess'd to Daniel Wy ght, He madam saw the previous night, And that he wanted cash he knew; Dan own'd that it was verv true, And that a trifle then would do; canto vi. THE CONTEST. S69 Five or six hundred pound A bill he'd take of a short date, For a long time he could not wait. As they were run aground. The Colonel op'd his pocket-book And out of it a bill he took, On which the other cast a look And no objections made Whose bill it was, to whom or by, It ne'er was said, so tell can't I, Nor does it at all signify 'Twas honorably paid. It was enough enough I say, To prove that on a future day, All the remainder he must pay For he thus own'd the debt; How afterwards did he behave When they a settlement did crave? The very bill that late he gave, He seem'd now to forget. S70 MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto fc ****** ****** xxxv. Time brings about strange things indeed Thou, W die, who didst late succeed Didst raise to such a pitch thy name, In some degree art sure to blame; Where is thy popularity ? Now gone and blasted, all agree And he who had such fame acquir'd Who was by every one admir'd, And might be so again; Who did in an heroic speech, So much 'bout moderation preach, Is now the first, 'tis plain From temperance to go astray And thus his laurels throw away, And prove his doctrine vain; cahto tt. THE CONTEST. J7t Alas! is he not now in fault ? Gladly I turn me from the thought Unto my tale again. XXXVI. Short is my tale six months expir'd, When Wr ght a settlement desir'd; To W die he sent in his bill W die responsible was still. He had his orders for the same, Of course on him he had a claim Five hundred pounds he had paid too. Upon account of what was due (None cou'd suppose he wou'd demur Or 'bout the business make a stir, And cast on Mrs. C a slur Since by her truth alone he prov'd The facts which he had lately mov'd.) With wonder at the bill he star'd; He would not pay it he declar'd, And, with a look quite grim. . 72 MARMION TRAVESTIED. cakto vs. Them to the lady did refer, The goods he said were sent to her They were not sent to him. The payment thus did he evade Tho' part already he had paid, Which when remarked, he plumply said That never any bill he gave, And wondered they shou'd thus behave, Indeed he hinted now to Dan He thought 'twas a concerted plan, But he might go to Mary Ann, And dun the lady for the debt For he from him should nothing get. cant* Yi. THE CONTEST. 87S XXXYII. No easy fool was Mr. Frank, To give a prize up for a blank. He to the gentleman look'd to And not unto the dame; And proper means vow'd to pursue In order to receive his due And Colonel W shame: He to his lawyer went apace. And briefly stated he the case And it was his advice To cut the matter very short By sueing Colonel W for't, As fair had been his price: Twas bonajide a just debt, And he undoubtedly would get The money in a trice For witnesses, he did remark He would subpoena Mrs. C , And some upholsterer to swear The charges all were very fair; T 974, MARMION TRAVESTIED. canto H. He thought his brother Mr. Dan, Would be a necessary man As he could prove the Colonel came, The goods t'examine with the dame- That he the orders gave, not she; Of course, with him they did agree. XXXVIII. I do not rhyme to that dull elf. Who cannot image to himself The great diversion, and the sport This matter furnish 'd for the court; The Colonel could not stand the test Tho' he of counsel had the Best. Much now was argued &AHVHaii#' 4 ^Awaa ^fWNIYEKfc L %>-, !' ^^^^^^^H