wt The Deaf Lover, A Farce In Two Acta . By Frederick Pilon aliforn jional dlity IgSTG UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES THE DEAF LOVER, FARCE IN TWO ACTS; AS PERFORMED AT THE THEATRE ROYAL COYENT GARD E'-'k. THE SECOND EDITION. WRITTEN BY F. J I L O N. LONDON: PRINTED FOR J. BOWEN, CORNER OF BEAUFORT BUILDIN GS, IN THE S TRAND. MDCCLXXX.. i .'Sff^V^''*^' 5175 [ V 3 i ADVERTISEMENT. THE following little piece meeting with uncommon fuccefs, after having >. been withdrawn from the ftage, it may ^ be expeded that the author will fay fome- E thing by way of apology for the fcenc, which in its former flate was deemed ex- ceptionable ; it was almoft a literal trans- lation from the Poulet, a dramatic pro- oo verb, and pronounced by men of unquef- tionable judgement an excellent fituation ; CO but nothing is fo difficult to decide on with certainty, as the efFe(5t any incident ^ will have in reprefentatioii. Much as was thought of the Poulet in the clofet, it was much difliked on the ftage, and the piece confequently withdrawn for alteration. Fortunately for the author, he has fuc- g ceeded in his fecond attempt to pleafe, and the farce is once more in poffefTion = gf the ftage. 306S85 PROLOGUE. ffriiten ty the Author, and fpoken by Mr. Lee Lewes. STATESMEN and Poets, oft', one foT- tune find ; This Court bcjlng difcontent, our Bard refign'd; That is to fay, reCgn'd as Courtiers mean. He was tBrn'd out, but would come in again. On one good point he's bent, a reformation, ' And bade mc tell this grand Affociation, He now has made a total alteration. Miftakingly, he built on Gallic ground, But prov'd French wit was, \ikt French faith, un found-, Hence wifcr grown, he's cautieRis ia his views, And makes no foreign compacts for his Mufe. Oh foreign aid 'tis hazardous reliance, But certain ruin's in a. French alliance. By Car, Monfieur will fay, you miftake -qokc, Mon Pais, my country, be toujours right ; llfaat vous alter, you raufl go to France, If you would Ic-arn to mnkc hon ttllionce ; Far I* alliance Bourbon , we long trick you; Par I'alliance Ameriqne^ trick dem too -, Voila Monfieur d'Ejlaingy has he not play'd. One pretty trick, in inking de Grenade? Is he not grand, invincible Hero? Arrah, replies Tcague, ask General Prevod! 4 So ! J [ yii ] So much with (hot he bother'd him, they fay. He play'd aaold French trick, and ran away, Now home tc>Fr'ut a iVord, and gave him up his own. Oh 1 filcK a tricky with all your gafconade, No French Monfieur, or Spaniard, ever play'd. But.whiKl for valour's crown great nations fight. And wild' Ambition takes the name of Right ; Ambiguous ftates; each diffrent power to fleece, Equal fufpcnd the fcale of war and peace ; Abj'ire all principle, but that they've lent. And ki^ow no interell, but cent, per cent ; But, rouzM by wrongs, the Genius of this land. In felf-collcdted mighr, more hrm fliall (land ; Hibernia's caufe, and Britain's, now made one, ^ We boaft a fam*ly compact of cur own ; r Defies the treacherous compaft of Bourbon. J Whilft Juftice, as a flaming iEgis, throws Confufion and difmay on England's foes ; Her thunder to the world fliiall fpeak again, Siie reigns ih' unlliaken Soy'reign of the Main. Dramatis Perfonse, Meadows, Young Wrongward, Old Wrongward, Canteen, Sternhold, Groom, 2d Servant, 3d Servant, ^ I Gentleman, Cook, William, John, Sophia, Betfy Bloflbm, ;a } ^^'y Mr. Lee LeweSo Mr. RoBsoN. Mr. Wilson. Mr. Whitfield. Mr. Bates. Mr. Fearon. Mr. Brunsdon. Mr. CusHiNG. Mr. Smith. Mr. Ledger. Mr. Painter. Mr. Stevens. Mr. Thompson. Mrs. Morton. Mrs. Wilson. Mifs Green. Mifs Stewart. C 9 ] THE DEAF LOVER. A C T I. SCENE I. A Room at an Inn, Meadows difcovered in a Ridinor-drefs 'with Canteen. w MEADOWS. A S there no pollibility of bribing one of the fervants ? ' CANTEEN. None in the world. Sir, which indeed furprized me, for tho' I muft confefs they have all good places, I have known folks with better, and in a greater man's fervice, who wou'd not let a bribe flip thro' their fingers for want of the trouble of clinching the fill upon ir. B M E A- 10 THE DEAF LOVER. MEADOWS. "What fliall I do. Canteen ? you are an ol(J campaigner, and fhould be ripe with flratagem in defperate cafes ! CANTEEN. I have got a fcheme to ferve you, if you'll un- dertake it. MEADOWS. Can you doubt me? , CANTEEN. Then be attentive ; Old Wrongward's houfc, on the approaching wedding, is throug'd as a fair with company ; drefs yourfelf in the ftyle of an elderly gentleman travelling the country; preteud to mifapprehend ev*ry body; in fliort iilTume the charader of a deaf man, and, thus difguifed, put up at his houfe, as if you took it for atl inn. MEADOWS. Pho ! Pho ! I (hall be taken l^efore a Mar giftrate. CANTEEN. Not you, indeed, Sir ; at all thefe public wed- dings there are a great number of ftrangers, ip- vited by the chief guefts ; youMl pafs as a friend tp fome of the company But grant you are 'taken for the character you afTume, an old, deaf, blundering blockhead ; your miftakes will create fo THE DEAF LOVER. ii fo much entertainment, that nobody will think of turning you out of doors till you have full opportunity of difcovering yourfelf to your miftrcfs. MEADOWS. And do you think fhe'Uliftea tome ? CANTEEN. Vm fure of it. Sir ; I'd (take my life to a car- touch box, that your letters from camp have been intercepted, and fome damn'd flory trnmp'd up by that old villain her guardian, to make her marry his own fon. I MEADOWS. It mufl be fo, my Sophia otherwife could never have forgot me. CANTEEN. It muft be fo ! , Lord, Sir, if you were not fo much in love, it would appear to you as plain as a pike-flaff i but when once love gets into a man's head, poor reafon is brought before a court-martial of the paffions, and caflaiered with* put a hearing. MEADOWS. But it will be necelTary to apprife Sophia of this, if I can by any means convey a letter to her. CANTEEN. A light breaks in upon me; I met a little flower girl (landing at the inn-door, as frefli, and as B z blooming 12 T H E D E A F LOVE R. blooming as the fwcetcft rofe in her bafket Don't you imagine a letter may be conveyed by her into the garrifon ? M E A D o w s. Can we trufl her ? C A N T E E ]tT. ' She's as fnre as a rifle barrel, Sir ; You know what a fmooth tongue and a fmart figure will do with a girl in the country ; I have perfuaded her, that I am over head and ears in love with her and have fwore, by the god of love, and the god of batdes, that I'll make her Mrs. Canteen-, if fhe pleafes, before to-morrow morning. MEADOWS. Where is (he ? CANTEEN. Selling nofegays to paflengers, as they go in and out of their carriages ; but I'll bring her to you, Sir, in the drawing of a trigger, in the mean time write your letter j There's pen, ink, and paper on the table. [Exit Canteen. MEADOW S. [f^^riting.'] My all depends on her receiving this letter otherwife, the furprlze of fo unex- pectedly meeting me, might occafion a difcovery [^Seeing Canteen ar.d Betfy Bloflbm.] Oh ! here come Mars and Venus already. Enter THE DEAF LOVER. 13 Enter Canteen and Betfy Bloflbm. BETSY. Nofegays, your Honour ? M E A D o w s. Come hither, my pretty dear, and let me fee them. \ Looks in the hajket, BETSY. O Sir, don't tumble over my ba/ket ! I can*t let you pick and chufe at a common price. C A N T E E V. \_Aftdc to ber.^ Let him take which he pleafe?, he's as generous as a Prince, hufley. B E T s T* Is he ? by Gofli then he (hall have the myrtle and the jeflfamine, and the two raofsrofesl was taking up to the Squire's, where the great wed- ding is to be. MEADOWS. What's that you fay ? Are you going to the toufe, where the great wedding is to be ? BETSY. Yes, and I (hall fell all my nofegays there, and am promifed a ribban for a bride-favor, by Joha the Butler, C A N T E E K. 14- T ^ K DEAF L O V E R. CANTEEN. O ho ! John the Butler ! I find I'm not fole proprietor of my little nofegay merchant. MEADOWS. ['Taking her by the hand.'] Now, my fweet dear, blooming little Flora, if you will grant me one favour, I will give you a guinea. BETS Y. "Who r, Sir! I'd have you to know, Sir, that I fcorn your guineas 1 am no fnch. parfon though I'm poor, I'm honcft, that let me tell you and I'd rather fell nofegays with my vartue, than ride in a coach and fix without it. CANTEEN. Zounds ! what an exploCon was there, from a carbine like a pocket piftol why who's going to meddle with your vartue ? I tell you, you may keep the guinea and your vartue together. BETSY. May I? CANTEEN. Yes-, but I find, Betfy, I'm preatly deceiv'd in your temper. I thought you were as meek as a violet, but I find you arc as (harp as a fweet briar. MEADOWS. I 6nly want you, ray dear, to take this letter fgr me'^ and deliver it into the young Lady's hand THE DEAF LOVER: ij hand who is to be married to-morrow ; and to take care that nobody fees you. BETS ,Yj As fure as a gun I know who you are. MEADOWS. Ay, prithee who am I ? BETSY. You are her old Iweetlieart, and die has turned falfe-hearted. CANTEEN. Oons what a witch it is! Fll go and prepare your drefs, Sir. {iek Czmcen, BETSY. . ' It's the talk of the whole village how Mifs So- phia had forfaken a malicious officer that was ia love with her. MEADOWS. Will you take this letter for me? BETSY. That I will with all my heart, and between ourfelves tbo' I am a poor girl, give her her own into the bargain. MEADOWS. My dear, you mud not fay a word to her ; only deliver the letter. BETSY. What then you wou*d not have me fcold her ? MEADOWS, j6 THE DEAF LOVE^l- MEADOWS. By no means, that wou'd ruin me for cvef in her efteem; but what is yourname, my love? BETSY. Betfy Bloffotti, an*c pleafe you. (Curtfying.J MEADOWS. Well, my dear Bctfy, go off immediately, and remember that the whole happinefs of my life depends on your care and fecrefy. SONG. BETSY. Believe me. Sir, you'll find me true, As any girl you ever knew, I know no art, To hide my heart. And fmce with flow*rs firft I flood To young or old I never fold "Two faces under a hood. Tis true I drefs in fimple gown And never faw the flaunting town Where Ladies fhine ,In filks fo fine Still I think myfelf as good As toafted belle Whilfl I ne'er fell Two faces under a hood. [Exeunt Meadows and Bctfy BJoffom. THE DEAF LOVER. 17 SCENE II. Old Wrongward and Sternhold difcover'd. Stern hold reading the Papers to hiniy Old Wrongward in his Gouty Chair, wrapt up in Flannels. OLD WRONGWARD. You are a terrible reader, Sternhold : can't you fpeak your words fliorter ? you found every fyllable, as if you had a fpeaking-trumpet at your mouth. S*T E R N H O L D. I can't help it, your honor j it is a way I have rot. OLD WRONGWARD. It's like the grind of an ill-ton 'd barrel-organ in my ears but go on, for you were born a parilh clerk, and will chaunt every thing in pfalmtune to the end of the chapter. STERNHOLD. (reading) Rome, April ifl:. Yefterday morning between twelve and one, his Holinefs the Pope was fafe- ly deliver'd of twins the mother and children are well, and likely to live. OLD WRONGWARD. Why is the fellow mad ? the Pope deliver'd of twins ! zounds ! you may as well tell me of C St. i8 THE DEAF LOVER. St. Paul's dancing the hayes, or the Monument turning prize-fighter. STERN HOLD. Shall I go on? OLD WRO>fGWo O D. Read over that laft article again, for Ym furef vou have made a blunder. STERNHOLD (reads). Rome, April ift. Yefterday morning between twelve and one, his Holinefs the Pope was fafely delivered of twins the mother and children arc well, and likely to live. / OLD WRONGWARD. Truly'this is a moft extraordinary event if it be a fa and I fear'd you'd have lurnM traitor and betray 'd us. BETSY. No, Mr. Canteen, I never wou*d do that I wou'd not betray you, no, not for five pound. CANTEEN. What not for five pound? O matchlefs fide- lity! But come, have you got an anfwer? BETSY. Yes, I have that and John's pi(5lure both to- gether. CANTEEN. John's picture? well, this is the firft time I ever knew a man vain of his uglinefs! If I had fuch an old lion's head riveted upon my fhoulders, I'd quarrel with a bafon of fpring water, for reflci^ing my own countenance on me. BETSY. Ay but his pi^urc is very handfome it's no more like him than box is like fouihern- wood. CANTEEN. No, then he has fet for his picture by proxy, or perhaps, like many others coxcombs, purchas'd it, as we fometimes do ilioes, ready made. But come^ let us look at it. E BETSY. 34 THE DEAF LOVER. BETSY. Here it is. [^Jhews the miniature, CANTEEN. Zounds! this is my mafter's pidure. BETSY. What, captain Meadows's ? CANTEEN. His own likenefs and the very miniature I faw him inclofe about fix weeks ago to Mifs Sophia. BETSY. As fure as can be, be flolc it. CAN TEEN. I don't know how he came by it : but youVc certain he gave it you ? BETSY. Quite fartln. CANTEEN. Then come along, my Betfy ; if you behave well now, I'll make great advantages of this dif- covery: you (hall introduce me to John as your brother, and 1*11 terrify him with a confcffion before I have done with him. [JExeunt Betfy and Canteen. SCENE THE DEAF LOVER. 35 SCENE changes to a View before the Stables* Enter Meadows dif^s'd as an old Gentleman y with the Groo?Ji, MEADOWS. I hope your hay is good, friend? GROOM. It's no matter how my hay is. I tell you, you are miftaken in the houfe ; this is no inn. MEADOWS. Why if you think fo, give him a feed of oats; but take care to rub him down well. GROOM. Hub doWn the Devil ! I tell you, my mafler keeps no inn. MEADOWS. Throw a few beans among the oats, if you have any. ' GROOM. Throw a few beans among the oats! Zounds! who promis'd to give you any oats? MEADOWS. Thai's a good lad, I know you'll take care of him. G R o o ivt. He's as deaf as a door nail. He docs n*t un- derftand a word I fay. E 2 MtADOWS. 3^5. THE D.EAF LOVEH* MEADOWS. 'i)\d you fpeak to me, young man? c It 6 6 M. 1 have been bawling to you this hour, to tell you this is no inn:, yonder is the George, or the Swan, or the King's ArP^s, where.you'll get yaUr horfe and yourfelf taken care of. \_Ba'wlingm^is,eiir, ....:. M. E A DO W S.i ,a , v^I^ii.w o<^ Well, well, ril^ take your word for the gcod- nefs of your corn t .you had no ogc^fion to be fo loud in praile of it. , . ^ * f . . r G R O O M. What the Devil ihall I do wltU.v.hira? 'He drove his horfe into the liable, before I knew where I was, and if I turn him. adrift, I fhall be piofecuted by aft of parliament. M E A D o W s. My good lad, do you hear me ? GROOM. '. I wifh I could make you hear me as" plain. M E A DO w s. Hike your countenance. GROOM. Tlvat's more than I do your's, Meadows; THE DEAF LOVER. 37 MEADOWS. There's fomething in it tells me, you will do the bead juftice, therefore here's a (hilling for you and if I find I have not been miftaken in the opinion I have formed of you, I fhall re- inember jou when I go away alfo. GROOM. This is the firft word of fenfe I have got out of him well, as his horfe is in the ftable, let him flay there ; my mafter, I'm fure, will never mifs his one night's keep , but then the befl joke will be when he gets into the houfe ha! ha! ha! I (hall kill rayfelf with laughing at the thoughts of it. ,M E A D o w s. Ha ! ha ! ha I Very good, very good indeed. GROOM. What the Devil docs he laugh at ? MEADOWS. I find you are a fellow of a good deal of humour. GROOM. Humour 1 What does he mean ? MEADOWS. You tell a devililh good (lory, but I can't (lav to hear the end of it, for I'm greatly fatigued and very weaijj' now remember you rub him do wo .li?6885 3S THE DEAF LOVER. down well, and don't forget the beans amongfl the oats. {Exit Meadows. GROOM. I tell a devMifh good (lory, and have a great- deal of humour ! If 'tis fo, you are the firft that ever difcovered my talents Well ! I have got a ftiilling from you, fo itjum*s the word, you're deaf 1 am dumb, old gentleman. {Exit Groom. END OF FIRST ACT. THE DEAF LOVER. 39 ACT II. SCENE I. A Hall in Old Wrongward's Uoufe ; feveral Ser^ vants running acrofs the Stage with Supper ift SERVANT. H6*s fwearing like a dragon about the iced cream. 2d SERVANT. I wifli he was to feed upon nothing elfe till his temper became as cool as his floraach. Enter Cook. Cook. A man had better fland cook in Belzebub*s kitchen. Here have I been broiling myfelf, like a beef-fteak, for thefe two hours, and am thanked in a volley of oaths for it afterwards. Enter third Servant. 3d S E R V A N T. There's not a drop of Madeira in the roomi and i\\Q Butler is to be turn*d-ofF to-morrow. Enter Meadows, draws a Chair, and fits, MEADOWS. 40 THE DEAF LOVER. MEADOWS. Aye, I like this. Lt's ar; pld faying, good bufinefs makes a good houfe. SERVANT. This is feme gentleman invited to fupperj we bad better tell him it's on the table. Sfd SERVANT [goifjg ?//> to MeadowsJ Certainly ! ^It's on the table. Sir. MEADOWS. No, I'll not pull off my boots till I go to bed. ' 2d S E R V A N T. Pull of his boots! who faid any thing about his boots ? Tho*, now I look at them, damn me if ever I faw a dirtier pair in the courfe of my life. MEADOWS* What have you got for fupper? WILLIAM. Every thing the feafon can afford, is on the table, Sir ? ' M E A D W S. Why, you blockhead, woodcocks are not in feafon. W I L L I A M. I faid notliin;^,- about woi^dcocks but, Sir^ there's a deiighiiul ciirp teved in clavct a fine 4 jack THE DEAF LOVER. 41 jack roafted with a pudding in his belly fome choice pheafants and fuch cherry tarts apple pics, jellies, iced creams, and fweetmeats, that my teeth water at the bare thoughts of them. MEADOWS. Very well, that will do, my friend ; but take care you get me fome good mulhroom fauce to it. 2d SERVANT. Mulhroom fauce ! to what, Sir ? MEADOWS. A broil'd fowl will do well enough. WILLIAM. A broil'd foul ! I didn't mennon a word of broird fowldid I, Bob ? 2d SERVANT. Not a fyllable. WILLIAM. Zounds ! he's deaf. 2d SERVANT. Or mad j fpeak louder to him try if you can make him hear you. WILLIAM. (^Bazuling in his ear.') Supper is on the table, Sir ; and if you are in- vited to the honfe by ray mafler, it will be as much af our places are worth, if we do noc bring you up to him immediately. F MEADOWS. 42 THE DEAF LOVER. MEADOWS. Well, do the beft you can for me. WILLIAM. Ah ! ii*s all in Vain to talk to him ; let us fdc if we can make hitn uiideriland by fighs. (ifiakes JIgns they will fiew him the way.) MEADOWS. Blefs you, ray lad, I am not particular. (Ex// Meadows ^ Servants. SCENE changes to an elegant apartment Old VVrongward, Young Wrongward, and a large party at /upper, OLD WRONGWARD. Fill me a bumper of Madeira^ though the enemy has got poffeffion of the greater part of my outworks, Fll take care to keep him from the citadel, whilft there's a flafk in my cellar to fupport me. (drinks^ Enter Meadows and John* WILLIAM. This Way, Sir. MEADOWS. Aye ! 1 fee all your rooms arc full, but it's no matter, Tra fond of company* OLD THE DEAFI.OVER, 43 OLD WRONGWARD {/ifld^ tO YoURg Wrongward.) Here's a ftranger ! do you know him, George ? YOIXNG WRONGWARD. I fuppofe he's a friend to fome of the companyt OLD WRONGWARD. Certainly go to hira, boy, and afk him If he has fupp'd. . YOUNG WRONGWARD. {comes to Meadows. Sir, I efteem myfelf particularly honour'd in the favour of this vifit h^xe, William, lay a fide table for this gentleman As we are juft done fupper, I beg. Sir, you'll not confider yourfelf a ftranger. {retires to bis feat, MEADOWS. Very dear, indeed. Sir ; good Virginia is hard to be come at, but I always carry a box of Oroonoko in my pocket (puH? out a box,) [^A table is laid for Meadows ; befits, OLD WRONGWARD. {tO McadoWS.) Warm iraYelHng, Sir. MEADOWS. There was none ftirring, when I was in town. Sir. OLD WRONGWARD. Stirring 1 no nor moving for it, Sir, in this part of the world though the gout coofines me f 2, to 44 THE DEAF LOVER. to this chair, I feel myfelf as hot as if I was roafting on ths coaft of Guinea. Enter Sophia. SOPHIA, (afide.) Yonder he fits ; if he fhould be difcovercd, all JDy hopes of happinefs are gone for ever. A* E A D o w s. {qfide.) I feel myfelf in fuch agitation at the fight of my Sophia, that I fear it will mar my counter- feiting. Sophia/// next /a Young Wrongward ; they talk* OLD WRONGWARD. Come, old gentleman, I'll give you a toaft, that I'm fure you'll have no obje^ion to here's to the young couple. {All the company drink.) MEADOWS. With all my heart ; I'm fure he has cot si better fubjeft in his dominions. OLD WRONG WARD. Ay, and what's better, he's going the right road to raife more good fubjefts. MEADOWS. The King ! {drinks,) OLD WRONGWARD. The King ! why I drank my fpn and daughter that is tp he's health. 2 Ah, THE DEAF LOVER. 45 MEAD OW S. Ah, Sir ! there's no anfwering for what peoplj^ will fay. OLD WRONGWARD. No anfwering for what people will fay! damn ine if ever I knew any thing fo impudent in the whole courfe of my life before. YOUNG WRONGWARD. Pray does any of the company know him ? ift LADY. f don't, for my part. ill GENTLEMAN. Nor I. 2d LADY. Nor I. 2d GENTLEMAN. Nor I, nor any of us. ALL. No, not one of us. SOPHIA. Hp\y I tremble for him, now. OLD WRONGWARD. Here, William, wholhew'd this old fellow here ? W I L- \^ THE DEAF LOVER, WILLIAM. ^id,, -^ic^ J took Jijrp ^0 ])Q qm of the pahy. OLl> WRONGWARD. Why, nobody here knows him. MEADOWS, {to Old Wrongward.) Sir, I have the pleafure of drinking your health. O L D W RO N G W A R D. (tO Young Wrongward.) Did you ever know any thing like this, George ? MEADOWS, (to William.) Do you hear, my lad ^ Send up the boot-catcher 10 me. O L I^" 'Vf^R ON G W A R D . Send up the boot-catcher to him, we'll fend up the thief-catcher to hiia this fellow is come to rob the houfe. M* E A D O W S. This wine is dev'lilh good; but I have a poor head, and am very lleepy Bon re/os, good folks; i nuill leave; you. (g^ts uj>.) OLD WRONGWARD. St9P him, George. [Young Wrongward and Company JI op him, MEADOWS. THE DEA]^ LOVK-RC 41 -^^fe "a D O W S. Why, GentlcEften, all this preffifif it w to no purpofe; I am determined to go to bed; and agi proof of it, there's half a crown for my fhare of the bill, as I can't flay till its called will no- body give me a light ? OLD WRONGWARD (to William.) Why, you rafcalj (ian you giVe no rational ac- count of this man? WILLIAM. All I can tell you is, he has fet the whole family in an uproar the groom fays, he*s deaf the butler fays, he*s mad'; but all agrde in pronouncing him the moil impttdent, troubki- fome, dirty old fellow, erer came mto a hoiifc do but look at his boots, Sir. SOPHIA (afide,) Love has infpired mc with a thought fOr his deliverance, (comes forward.) Blcfs me! I ktiOVv this Gentleman's face perfelly well it is the celebrated Doftor Humdrum; I faw him feveral times at Bath, tho* I never fpoke to him : he's the firft phyfician in England ; but has been troubled with a mod obilinate deafnefs for feve- ral years ; and, what is mod extraordinary, does every thing in his power to conceal it. OLD 48 THE DEAF LOVER. OLD WRONGWARD. Deaf ! why does he come here to plague us with his deafnefs I SOPHIA. I thought, Sir, you had more humanity than. ' not to feel for fuch a misfortune. OLD WRONGWARD. But are you fure he's deaf ? SOPHIA. Docs not hear a word you fay to him. MEADOWS. You'll let me go to bed then ? Upon my foul, it gives me pain to part from fuch good com- panyj but I'm quite weary. OLD WRONG WOOD. Ay, poor Gentleman, I pity him, he fhall have a bed he has taken the houfe for an inn, I fup- pofe; a very good joke, faith ha! ha! ha! MEADOWS. Ha ! ha ! ha ! a dev'lifli good fong, a dev'lifli good fong indeed ; but I can't (lay to encore it. Bon repQs, bon repos ! [Exit Meadows, lighted, OLD THE DEAF LOVER. 49 OLD WRONGWARD. George, do you go and fee the Gentleman is taken great care of. [Fiddles behind. Exit Young Wrongward. OLD WRONGWARD. Ha! here come the fiddles come girls, foot it away, I'll fit up with you an hour extraordi- nary, and if this confounded gout would give my joints a holiday, I'd have a reel with the youngeft of you. ^ Dance, [Exeunt, rdlitig ^ Old Wrongward, SCENE III. Enter Sophia, Canteen, and Betfy Bloflbm. SOPHIA. So, Captain Meadows's fervant is your brother, Beify. BETSY. Oh, that was only he ! he ! [with offered confufton, CANTEEN. Yes, Ma*am, as Betfy wou'd fay, that was only to deceive John, your Guardian's privy counfellor. SOPHIA. I underftand you, you are her fweetheaft. G B E T s V. 56 THE DEAF LOVEb. BETSY. Oh ! dear, your lay'fhip you do fo Ihame one. SOPHIA. But how have you proceeded fince this dif- covery? I E T S Y. Vaftly clever, I warrant him; he has frightened the butler out of his wits. CANTEEN. 1 threatened him with a profecution for flop- ping the pifture, unlefs he turned King's evi- dence and informed againft his mafter my me- naces had the defired effed:, and he is devoted to our fervice. SOPHIA. Very well, don't be out of the way for a m6- ment ; I dont know how foon we may want you and your evidence but, as a reward for your and Betfy's fervices, whenever you have her con- icnt, I will give her a portion. {_Exii, BETSY. I thank your ladylhip, I'm fure I do. CANTEEN. Now is my freedom gone. BETSY. What, you won't marry me ? CANTEEN. THE DEAF LOVER. 51 C A K T E E N. Elfe how ihou'd I lofe my freedom ? BETSY. I dont know what you mean, Mr. Canteen, by lofing your freedom ; but, if I thought you loft any thing when you married me, 1 wouldn't have you for all my love to you. CANTEEN. Pho ! pho ! you little fool, by giving up my freedom, I mean, 1 give up my heart into yowr pofleflion for life. B E T s Y. Do you ? Then, by gofli ! you (hall have my heart for life inftead of it. [_Exeunt, SCENE changes to a Bed-charfibcr, Enter Meadows followed by a Chambermaid with lights, MAID. This is my young Lady's apartment; and you muft not flay here. MEADOWS. My good girl, yon needn't give yourfclf tlic trouble, I never have my bed warmed. M A I . I didn't come to warm your bed I want you to get out of the room. G t M E A- 52 THE DEAF LOVER. MEADOWS. No, no, it's a bad cuftora ; good night to you. MAID. Odds my life but he'd provoke a faint, (very, loud.) I tell you again and again that this is my young Lady's room, and you mufl: quit it. MEADOWS. A fack poffet ! I'll not tafte it. Come let me lock my door, for I muft be ftirring early. \_She gets between him and the door, MAID. The Devil a door do you lock here to-night. MEADOWS. Ah ! you wanton young baggage, I under- hand you ; but all thofe days are over with me. MAID. Oh, Lord! what has the old nafly fellow got into his head now ? MEADOWS. But comei we'll have x)uc fmack, and then honfoir, Mai d. IIclp, help, murder ! \Offers to kifs her. Bntet:. THE DEAF LOVER. 53 Enter Servants. ifls K RVANT What's the matter, Sally ? M AID. This old villain was going to ruinate mc. 2d SERVANT. I wifli he was out of the houfe; I wonder my mafler gave him a bed. M E A D O W S. You'll take care to call me early. 2d SERVANT. Damn me ! if I call you. 3d SERVANT. It's a (hame for a man at your years to be- have fo. MAID. Ay, an old man like you, with one foot in the grave. MEADOWS. You are miftaken, my dear, I can get up as well as any young fellow in England. I am a mighty good rifer, I muft mount early, there- fore call me by five. 2d SERVANT. We may as well talk 10 a flone v/all. M 4. 1 9. 54 THE DEAF LOVER. MAID. I fliall lofe my place for this. MEADOWS. You needn't wait for the light. [5//J down as if to undrefs, 2d SERVANT. Wait for the h'ght ! Damn me ! if I had my will, but I'd darken your lights for you, and leave you to grope your way out of the houfe. M E AD OW S. Why, I believe, that's the fafeft way, fo bring me an extinguifher; you're a good natur'd lad, and ril remember you for this. WILLIAM. If I cou'd write, I'd make him underftand me at once. Can you write, Joe ? 2d SERVANT. I can chalk main well, but nobody can under- ftand it except myfclf. WILLIAM. Why you, Bob, went to fchool, I know. 3d SERVANT. Ay, but it's fo long ago, I forgot all my lam- ing : I'll make my mark, if you pleafe. MAID. THJS DEAF LOVER. 55 MAID, And It*s my misfortune to neither read nor write WILLIAM. 'Sdeaih and fire, he*s undreffing ! we mufl d6 fomething immediately. [Meadows lays down a cafe of large pijlols* 2d SERVANT. Wiat fwlnging piftols he has! MEADOWS. Lay you there, my good friends I hope I flian't have the fame need for you here as at the lad inn where I lay. 2d SERVANT. < Do you hear that ? MEADOWS. I am forry I (hot the oftler and kitchen maid, ! own ; but what am I to think of people who come into my room after I am in bed? ALL SERVANTS. Oh ! the bloody minded old rogue! MEADOWS. I know the advantages which may be taken of my dcafnefs, and am determined to fecure myfelf. WILLIAM. S6 THE DEAF LOVER. 9 WILLIAM. I am determined to do the fame, and (o good night. [t'uns off. 2d SERVANT, ril (lay no longer. \Exit, 3d SERVANT. Oh! if I am hindmoft, may I be fhot like the poor oftler and kitchen maid ! \Exit, MAID. And may I be burnt if I flay to be (hot ! \_Exit, MEADOWS. Oh, Fortune, aufpicious to my warmcft hopes ! Now cou*d I but fee, and converfe one mo- ment wirh ray Sophia. Ha! yonder comes a light 'tis (he 'tis (he herfelf, my adorable Sophia. Enter Sophia. SOPHIA. I am come to tell you to lock yourfelf in im- mediately to-morrow I'll fpeak to you it is dangerous for us to continue a moment together. MEADOWS. But isn't to-morrow to be your wedding-day? am I not to lofe you for ever to-morrow? SOPHIA. THE DEAF LOVER. 57 SOPHIA. No, Meadows, I am now faiisfied of your honour and my guardian's Tillany ; a plot has been juft difcovered to me, will aftonilh you- To-morrow I will quit this houfe, and put my- felf under yonr prote^ion. MEADOWS. My love, my life ! you tranfport rac. \_Falls upon his knees and kiffes her hand. Enter Young Wrongward. YOUNO WRONGWARD. He fliall leave the houfe to-night. Ha! what do I fee? SOPHIA ajide. It*s all over, and I may as well throw oflf the maJk now as to-morrow. Old Wrongward rolVd in, OLD WRONGWARD. He deferves a horfe-pond inflead of a good bed. MEADOWS. I fhou*d prefer a good bed notwithflanding, Mr. Wrongward. H " OLD 58 THE DEAF LOVJIH, OLD WRONGWARD, Why he has got his hearing. MEADOWS, Yes, Sir, and ray feeling too, of refentment for the bafe advantage you topk qf nie and this young lady. OLD WRONGWARD. , Advantage ! who the devil are you ? MEADOWS. Can't you difcover Meadows under this difguife ? that man whom you have fo much injured? OLD WRONGWARD, Meadows ' this is curfed unlucky but, Geor^^e, we muft get hlin out of the houfe as faft ^s pollible, CANTEEN without, CANTEEN. If you don*t come by fair means, I'll lay yon ty the heels, and force you into court. EiUer Canteen, John, and Betfy, YOUNG WRONGWARD. ^11, I fear, is ^ifcover'd, The deaf lover. 59 OLD WRONGWARD. Eh ! who is that fellow got hold of John ? CANTEEN. Let his worftiip know, John ; or I (hall be committed for an affault, in the very al of thief-taking. John. Why, Sir^ if I muft fpeak, it is you and my young raafter have brought me to this dilgrace. OLD WRONGWARD. "Who, I and my Son ? why the fellow has loft his wits or elfe he is drunk take him to bed^ I hate a drunkard. JOHN. Lies won't do now, I mufl: fpeak. truth, or fuffer for it Captain Meadows, I humbly aJk your forgivenefs, but ev'ry letter you fent to Mifs Sophia, I flopt, by the pofitive orders of both my mafters. C5 A N T E E N. It*s all very true. Sir, and amongft the reft, he ftop'd the miniature you fent Mifs Sophia, by which he was difcovered for the ugly dog had the impudence to attempt to pafs it upon my Betfy, here, for his own proper likencfs. Hz Y U N o 6o THE DEAF LOVER. YOUNG WRONGWARD. Out of my fight, rafcal come Sophia, I am forry you have been difturbed Captain, you may have a bed, if you plcafe. MEADOWS. No, Sir, I fliall quit your houfe, and take my Sophia with me. (Takes her by the hand* OLD WRONGWARD. What, would you fteal a ward from her guardian ? YOUNG WRONGWARD. Nay, if you proceed to force, make a prifoner of her take the confequence. {Draws, MEADOWS. She has been long a prifoner. Sir, in a place ihe diflikesi but here is my habeas for her removal. (Fulls out apijlol.) So, as you refpeft the law, gentlemen, (land by. OLD WRONGWARD. Roll mc out of the way; I Ihall be fhot, or run through, between them. YOUNG WRONGWARD. What, have I no ailillance? where arc all my fervants \ OLD ^TH E D E A F LOVER. ^i OLD WRONGWARD. George, a word with you, George^ this is a very ugW ftory, and we had be^ niake the bed of it. YOtNO WRONGWARD, "What, Sir, will you acquiefcc in your dif- honour f MEADOWS. Good night i you fhall hear from me. (Goings. OLD WRONGWARD. Stay, Captain j I have fomething to propof to you. YOUNG WRONGWARD. I perceive what you intend, but I will not ftay to be a witnefs of your weaknefs, and my own ihame I fliall take other fteps to right myfelf. {Exit. OLD WRONGWARD. You fee what an obftinate boy he is : but I won't crofs your inclinations, Sophia; you have m^ confcnt. This is always my way, when I can't help it. {Afide.) K A D w s. 4 THE DEAF LOVElv ME ADOW S. I take you at your word. Sir ; but to-momw will put your ^^d under the proteftioD of th. law, for I will never ^^e advantage a^her par- tiality m my favour, until fee is at/uU liberty to choofe for herfelf* True love a jealous delicacy kno^s, And flights all dower, buc what the heart beltows. ^ I N I s. UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES University of Caiifomia SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388 Return this material to ihe library from whicKi it was borrowed. OXrrBESITT OF CALVOIDBU LOS A^GiXJb UBKARY L006 3m"9^V ^079 224 II I III PR 5178 P64d Un