VUN180N STYLES TIIK BEE HUNTER. Thul s the ra al stuff : somethuisj sides l>ees bread." Page 49 THE PUDDLEFORD PAPERS, OB, HUMORS OF THE WEST. H. H. EILEY. i i t) r t i n a I 3 1 1 u & t r at t o n J5 NEW YORK : DERBY & JACKSON, 119 NASSAU ST 1859. to Act of jpongn-w- -n-tjie yea.- 1856, by DEKBY A JACK S ON, lu the. Clerk s Office of the J0f|tri5st A c/.V^lJn V U<i .St^ frt th,SontheA District of Nw York W. H. Twsox, Stereotype. GBOBOK RUBSKLL 4 Co., Printers. ro MI CO IT SIN JAMES THIS WOKK JB AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED. H. H. PREFACE. EVERY body who writes a book is expected to introduce it with a preface ; to hang out a sign, the more captivating the better, inform ing the public what kind of entertainment may be expected within. I am very sorry that I am obliged to say that many a one has been wofully deceived by these outside proclamations, and some one may be again. I am unable to apologise to the public for inflicting this wori upon it. It was not through " the entreaty of friends" that it was written. It is not the "outpourings of a delicate constitution." (I weigh one hundred and sixty pounds.) I was not driven into it "by a predestination to write, which was beyond my control." It is not " offered for the benefit of a few near relatives, who have insisted upon seeing it in print," nor do I expect the public will tolerate it simply out of regard to my feelings, if their own feelings are not enlisted in its favor The book is filled with portraits of Puddleford and the Puddle- fbrdians. The reader may never have seen the portrait of a genuine Puddlefordian. Bless me, how much that man has lostl If the reader does not like the painting after he has seen it, I can not help it ; it may be the fault of the original, or it may be from a want of skill in the painter. Like the carrier-pigeon, let it go, to return with glad tidings, or none at all CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. Puddleford Eagle Tavern Mr. and Mrs. Bulliphant May Morning Birds Venison Styles General Character of Society The Colonel Venison Styles Cabin. ... 9 CHAPTER II. Law-Suit : Filkins against Beadle Squire Longbow and his Court Puddleford Assembled Why Squire Longbow was a Great Man Ike Turtle and Sile Bates, Pettifoggers Mrs. Sonora Brown Uproar and Legal Opinions Seth Bolles Miss Eunice Grimes Argument to Jury, and Verdict, . . 24 CHAPTER III. Wanderings in the Wilderness A Bee-Hunt Sunrise The Fox-Squirrel The Blue-Jay The Gopher The Par tridges Wild Geese, Ducks, and Cranes Blackbirds and Meadow-Larks Venison s Account of the Bees Domestic Economy How Venison Found what he was in Search of Honey Secured After-Reflections, . . . . .42 CHAPTER IV. The Log-Chapel Father Beals Aunt Graves Sister Abi gail Bigelow Van Slyck, the Preacher His Entree How he Worked One of his Sermons Performance of the Choir Coronation Achieved Getting into Position Personal Appeals Effect on the Congregation Sabbath in tho Wilderness Is Bigelow the only Ridiculous Preacher ? 53 VU1 CONTENTS. CHAPTER V. page Indian Summer Venison Styles again Jim Buzzard Fish ing Excursion Muskrat City Indian Burying-Grovmd The Pickerel and the Rest of the Fishes The Prairie Wild Geese The Old Mound Venison s Regrets at the Degenerating Times His Luck and Mine Reminiscences of the Beavers Camping Out Safe Return, . . .67 CHAPTER VI. Educational Efforts Squire Longbow s Notis The Sater- day Nite Ike and the Squire Various Remarks to the Point Mrs. Fizzle and the Temperance Question Collec tion Taken Genera] Result, . . . . . .81 CHAPTER VII. Social War Longbow, Turtle & Co. Bird, Swipes, Beagle & Co. Mrs. Bird Mrs. Beagle Mrs. Swipes Turkey and Aristocracy Scandal Husking-bees, and such like The Calathumpian Band The Horse-Fiddle The Giant Trombone The Gyastacutas Tuning Up Unparalleled Effort Puddleford still a Representative Place, . . .89 CHAPTER VIII. luddleford and Politics Higgins against Wiggins The Can didates Personale Their Platforms Delicate Questions Stump-Speaking Wiggins on Higgins Impertinent Inter ruptions Higgins on Wiggins Ike Turtle not Dead yet Commotion Squire Longbow restores Order Grand Stroke of Policy The Roast Ox at Gillett s Corners, . . ,98 CHAPTER IX. Winter upon us The Roosters in the Early Morning The Blue- Jays-and the Squirrels The Improvident Turkey The Domestic Hearth, and who occupied it The Old Dog The Blessed old Mail-Horse The Newspapers Our Come- to-tea Mrs. Brown, her Arrival and Experiences Entree of Bird, Beagles & Co. Conflicting Elements, and how Ike Turtle assimilated all Gratifving Consequences, . 110 CONTENTS. IX I CHAPTER X. Pag. Mrs. Longbov* Taken Sick General Interest Dr. Teazle His Visit The Rattles Scientific Diagnosis A Prescrip tion Short and Dr. Dobbs Pantod of the Heart Dis missal of Teazle Installation of Dobbs Scyller and Cha- ruWdes Ike s Views The Colonel s Bates s Mrs. Longbow dies Who killed her ? Conflicting Opinions Her Funeral Bigelow Van Sly ck s Sermon Interment, . 128 CHAPTER XI. Squire Longbow in mourning The Great Question Aunt So nera s opinion Other Peopled The Squire goes to Church His Appearance on that occasion Aunt Graves, and her Extra Performance Nux Vomica Anxious Mothers Mary Jane Arabella Swipes Sister Abigail Ike Turtle, and his Designs He calls on Aunt Graves She 11 go it Sister Abigail s objection The Squire s First Love Letter The Wedding Great Getting-up Turtle s Examination The Squire Runs the Risk of the Staterts Bigelow s Ceremony General Break Down Not Very Drunk. . . .136 CHAPTER XII. The Group at the Eagle Entree of a Stranger His opinion of the Tavern Bulliphant wakes up Can t Pick Fowls after Dark Sad Case of Mother Gantlet and Dr. Teazle Mr. Farindale Begins to Unbend Whistle & Sharp, and their At torney Good Pay Legal Conversation Going Sniping Great Description of the Animal The Party Start Farin dale Holding the Bag Waiting for Snipe Farindale s Solitary Return His Interviewwith Whistle & Sharp Suing a Puddleford Firm Relief Laws Farindale gets his Execu tion The Puddleford Bank The Appraisers Proceeds of the Execution. 145 CHAPTER XIII. The Fev Nag Conflicting Theories Oxergin and Hydergin* Teazle s Rationale The Scourge of the West Sile Bates, I CONTENTS. Pago and his Condition Squire Longbow, and Jim Bu/z.ard Puddleford Prostrate Various Practitioners The Billerov.s Duck Pioneer Martyrs Wave over Wave. . . .159 CHAPTER XIV. Uncommonly Common Schools Annual School District Meeting Accounts for Contingent Expenses Turtle, and Old Gulick s Boy That are Glass The Colonel starts the wheels again Bulliphant s Tactics Have we hired Dea. Fluett s darter, or not? Izabel Strickett Bunker Hill and Turkey Sah- Jane Beagles The Question Settled. . . 1 fi* CHAPTER XV. Abolition Meeting at Puddleford The late Rev. Mr. Billet Longbow, and his Responsibilities Collision between Bates and the Squire The Log-Chapel filled Bates Opening Remarks Turtle s Interpolations An Open Question Longbow, to the Rescue I Three Cheers Appointment of a President Mr. Billet His Philosophy of the Institution ot Slavery Turtle on Hand What would Billet Do ? Reso lutions OCfered by Sile Bates Ike s Amendments Adjourn ment of the Meeting, and Hegira of the Lecturer. .. . 174 CHAPTER XVI. Some Account of John Smith Nick-Names Progress of the Age The Colonel s Opinion of Science John Smith s Dream Ike Turtle s Dream Ike takes the Boots. . . .187 CHAPTER XVII. Ike Turtle in his Office The Author Consults him on Point of Law Taxes of Non-Residents Law in Puddleford Mr. Bridget s Case Legal Discussion The Case Settled. . 202 CHAPTER XVIII. The Wilderness around Puddleford The Rivers and the Forests Suggestions of Old Times Foot-prints of the Jesuits Vine-covered Mounds Visit to the Forest The Early CONTEXTS. 33 Page Frost The Forest Clock The Woodland Harvest The Last Flowers Nature Sowing her Seed The Squirrel in the Hickory Pigeons, their Ways and their Haunts The Butter flies and the Bull-frog Xature and her Sermons Her Temple still Open, but the High-priest Gone. . . . 209 CHAPTER XIX. The Old New-England Home The Sheltered Village The Ancient Buildings Dornier-Windows An Old Puritanical Home The Old Puritan Church The Burying-Ground Deacon Smith, his Habits and His Helpers Major Simeon Giles, his Mansion and his Ancestry Old Doctor Styles Crapo Jackson, the Sexton Training Days Militia Dig nitaries Major Boles Major General Peabody Prepara tions and Achievements Demolition of an Apple-Cart Shoulder Arms! Colonel Asher Peabody The Boys, and their World My Last Look at my Native Village. . . 217 CHAPTER XX. First Militia Law in Puddleford Aunt Sonora opposed to it Turtle sets her right Meeting to choose Officers Longbow Electioneers for Captain Takes the Chair Turtle Objects Pints of Order VivyVocy vote won t do Legally authorized Boxes must be had Longbow s speech Turtle fined for Contempt Longbow Elected Captain Great Military turn out Company turn a Circle Break down Turn an Angle Break down again Address to Troops Adjourn sine die. . 232 CHAPTER XXr. Mrs. Bird gets in a Rage Starve a Child Mrs. Bird blows off at Mrs. Beagle Takes breath Blows off again Mrs. Beagle gives a piece of her Mind Aunt Sonora drops in She has no Faith in Second Wives All adjourn to the House of Mrs. Swipes General Fight of Tongues Mrs. Swipes gives her Opinion A Dead Set by all upon Mrs. Longbow Mrs. Long bow raps at the door The scene changes Final wind up . 247 Xll CONTENTS. ^K CHAPTER XXII. Appeal of Case Filkins vs. Beadle Turtle s Affidavit and " Pints " Longbow s Return County Court Turtle opens his Law " Pints "Bates replies A Fight Collateral Ish-ers Squire Longbow Present The Court sustains Squire Long bow Turtle gets into a Passion Impannelling the Jury Mr. Buzzlebaum leaves Mr. Turableton upsets Ike Mr. Flum- mer is cut short bob off Ike opens to the Jury The Trial Charge of the Court Jury retire Can t Agree . . . 258 CHAPTER XXIII. Amusements in Puddleford The Highland Fling A Fire-eater comes next Runs a Sword down his Throat Starts his Rib bon Factory Borrows Squire Longbow s HatBoils Eggs in it The Squire get s into a passion The Grand Caravan is posted Squire Longbow lectures on the Lion Bigelow Van Slyck follows on the Ichneumon The Caravan arrives Great Excitement Jim Buzzard still himself Aunt Sonora in trouble The Band bloAvs away The Canvas is raised Terrible press of Puddlefordians The Keeper shows up the Lion Explains why he has no hair The Ichneumon is ound atlast The Monkey Ride Breaking up ... 281 CHAPTER XXIV. The Tinkhams arrive Great stir Miss Lavinia Longbow s head is turned Everybody in Love with the Tinkhams Wind changes The Tinkhams Fall The whole Pack out on them They abandon the Settlement ...... 307 CHAPTER XXV. And still New-P>ngland Sui Generis Her Ruggedness the soil of Liberty The Contrast The New-England Conservative The New-England Man of Business The West has no Past Fast, and Hospitable Saxon Blood and Saxon Spirit. 316 CONTENTS. X111 Pags CHAPTER XXVI. Spring at the West Sugar Days Performances of the Cattle April Advent of the Blue-Jays and the Crows The Blue-birds, Phebes, and Robins April, and its Inspiring Days The Frogs, and their Concerts Gophers, Scfuirrels, Ants ; Swallows, Brown-Threshers, and Blackbirds The Swallows, the Martins, and the Advent of May. . . . 326 CHAPTER XXYII. A Railroad through Puddleford Effect on Squire Longbow Bright Prospects of Puddleford Change The Styleses The New Justice Aunt Sonora s Opinions Ike Turtle grows, too Venison Disappears from among Men His Grave, and his Epitaph. . .. . . . . . 336 CONCLUSION. The Philosophy of Puddleford Diverse Elements in Pioneer Life Longbow, and his Administration Not Expensive Two Hundred a Year, all told What would Chief Justice Marshall have Done as Justice at Puddleford? Longbow a Great Man Fame and Politics Ike, a Wheel Puddleford Theology Camp-Meetings Who do Bigelow s Work Better than Bigelow ? Great Happiness, and Few Nerves No *So?iety No Fashion in Clothes, or any thing Else BulFs-Eye and Pinchbeck The Great Trade did n t Come off Abounding Charity and Hospitality Pilgrim Blood Longbow s Planting the Mud-SiUs Old Associations, how Controlling ! Good- Bye, Reader. . . . * 340 fittes ra% CHAPTER I. Puddleford Eagle Tavern Mr. and Mrs. Bulliphant May Mora- ning Birds Venison Styles General Character of Society The Colonel Venison Styles Cabin. THE township of PUDDLEFORD was located in the far west, and was, and is unknown, I presume, to a large portion of my readers. It has never been considered of sufficient im portance by atlas-makers to be designated by them ; and yet men, women, and children live and die in Puddleford. Its population helps make up the census of the United States every ten years ; it helps make governors, congress men, presidents. Puddleford does, and foils to do, a great many things, just like the rest of mankind, and yet, who knows and cares anything about Puddleford ? Puddleford was well enough as a township of land, and beautiful was its scenery. It was spotted with bright, clear lakes, reflecting the trees that stooped over them ; and straight through its centre flowed a majestic river, guarded by hills on either side. The village of Puddleford (there was a village of Puddleford, too) stood huddled in a gorge r* >ffi,J? PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. that opened up from the river ; and through it, day and night, a little brook ran tinkling along, making music around the settlement. 7 The houses in Puddleford were very shabby indeed ; I am very sorry to be compelled to make that fact public, but they were very shabby. Some were built of logs, and some of boards, and some were never exactly built at all, but came together through a combination of circum stances which the oldest inhabitant has never been able to explain. The log-houses were just like log-houses in every place else ; for no person has yet been found with impudence enough to suggest an improvement. A pile of logs, laid up and packed in mud ; a mammoth fire-place, with a chimney- throat as large ; a lower story and a garret, connected in one corner by a ladder, called Jacob s ladder, are its essentials, A few very ambitious persons in Puddleford had, it is true, attempted to build frame-houses, but there was never one entirely finished yet. Some of them had erected a frame only, when, their purses having failed, the enterprise was left at the mercy of the storms. Others had covered their frames ; and one citizen, old Squire Longbow, had actually finished oft two rooms ; and this, in connection with the office of just ice of the peace, gave him a standing and influence in the settlement almost omnipotent. The reader discovers, of course, that Puddleford was a very miscellaneous-looking place. It appeared unfinished, and ever likely to be. It did really seem that the houses, and cabins, and sheds, and pig-sties, had been sown up and down the gorge, as their owners sowed wheat. The only harmony about the place was the harmony of confusion. Puddleford had a population made up of all sorts of peo ple, who had been, from a variety of causes, thrown together just there ; and every person owned a number of dogs, so that it was very difficult to determine which were numeri- THE PUDDLEFORD PUBLIC-HOUSE. 11 cally the strongest, the inhabitants or the dogs. There were great droves of cows owned, too, which were in the habit of congregating every morning, and marching some miles to a distant marsh to feed to the jingle of the bells they wore on their necks. There was one public-house at Puddleford. It was built of logs, with a long stoop running along its whole front, sup ported by trunks of trees roughly cut from the woods, and bark and knots were preserved in the full strength and sim plicity of nature. Its bar-room was the resort of all the leading men of Puddleford, besides several ragged boys and these self-same dogs. It stood in the centre of the village, and announced itself to the public through a sign, upon which were painted a cock crowing and a spread eagle. The bar was fenced off in one corner of the room, and was sup plied with three bottles of whiskey, called, according to their color, brandy, rum, and gin ; but fly-tracks and dust had so completely covered them, that the kind of liquor was deter mined by the pledge of the landlord, that always passed cur rent There were also about a dozen mouldy crackers laid away on the shelf in a discarded cigar-box, intended more particularly for the travelling public. The walls of the bar room were illuminated by a large menagerie advertisement, which was the only real display of the fine arts that ever entered the place. Upon a table, near the centre of the room, stood a backgammon and checker-board, which were in u.^e from the rising sun to midnight. Pipes, crusted thick with soot, lay scattered about on the window-stools and chim ney-shelf old stubs that had seen service and all over the floor rolled great quids of tobacco, ancient and modern, tbe creatures of yesterday and years ago ; for the floor of the 4 Eagle Tavern such it was called of Puddleford, was never profaned by a broom, nor its windows with water. He who 12 PUDDDEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. attempted to look out, would have supposed there was an eternal fog in the streets. The ladies parlor, belonging to the Eagle Tavern of Pud- dleford, was a very choice spot, and had been fitted up with out regard to expense. Its floor was covered with a faded rag-carpet, and its walls were enlivened with a shilling print, showing forth Noah s Ark, and the animals entering therein. Any person who had an eye for the practical, could see just how Noah loaded his craft, as the picture brought out clearly a long plank thrown ashore, up which the animals were climbing. I have often thought that I never saw it rain so tremendously as it did in that picture. Near by, hung a six penny likeness of Washington, somewhat defaced, as some irreverent Puddleford boy had run his finger through the old General s eye, which detracted very much from the dig nity of his expression. He looked rather funny with one eye cocked ; and he felt, I presume that is, if pictures can feel just as funny as he looked. One advantage which the lodging-rooms of this tavern possessed ought not to be overlooked. They were lit up by the everlasting stars, and the tired traveller could go to sleep by the dancing rays that shot down through the crevices of the roof above. 1 Old Stub Bulliphant, as he was called, was, and had been for years, landlord of the * Eagle. He was about five feet high, and nearly as many in circumference. His eyes were of no particular color, although they were once. His eye-lashes had been scorched off by alcoholic fire ; and na ture, to keep up appearances, in a fit of desperation, substi tuted in their stead a binding of red, which looked like two little rainbows hanging upon a storm, for a rheumy water was continually running between them. His nose was very red, and his face was always in blossom, winter and summer. THE FIRST IMPRESSION. 13 A pair of tow breeches and a red flannel shirt composed his wardrobe two thirds of the year. The truth is, the old fel low drank, and always drank, and he became, finally, pre served in spirits. Puddleford was riot destitute of a church, not by any means. The * log-chapel, when I first became acquainted with the place, was an ancient building. It was erected at a period almost as early as the tavern not quite tempo ral wants pressing the early settlers closer than spiritual. This, precious reader, is a skeleton view of Puddleford, as it existed when I first knew it. Just out of this village, some time during the last ten years, I took possession of a large tract of land, called burr-oak opening, that is, a wide, sweeping plain, thinly clad with burr-oaks. Few sights in nature are more beautiful. The eye roams over these parks unobstructed by undergrowth, the trees above, and the sleep ing shadows on the grass below. The first time I looked upon this future home of mine, it lay calm and bright, bathed in the warm sun of a May morn ing, and filled with birds. The buds were just breaking into leaf, and the air was sweet with the wild-wood fragrance of spring. Piles of mosses, soft as velvet, were scattered about. Wild violets, grouped in clusters, the white and red lupin, the mountain pink, and thousands of other tiny flowers, bright as sparks of fire, mingled in confusion. It was alive with birds : the brown thrasher, the robin, the blue jay poured forth their music to the very top of their lungs. The thrasher, with his brown dress and very quizzical look, abso lutely revelled in a luxury of melody. He mocked all the birds about him. Now he was as good a blue-jay as blue- jay himself, and screamed as loud ; but suddenly bouncing around on a limb, and slowly stretching out his wings, he died away in a most pathetic strain ; then, darting intc 14 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. another tree, and turning his saucy eye inquisitively down, he rattled off a chorus or two, that I might know he was not so sad a fellow after all. Now, his soft, flute-like notes fairly melted in his throat; then he drew out a long, violin strain the whole length of his bow; then a blast on his trumpet roused all the birds. He was everything by turns, and no.hing long. After completing his performance, away he went, and his place, in a moment almost, was occupied by another, repeating the medley, for the whole wood was alive with them. Scores of blue-jays, in the tops of the trees, were picking away at the tender buds. The robin, that household bird, first loved by our children, was also here. Sitting alone and apart, in a reverie, and blowing occasionally his mellow pipe, he seemed to exist only for his own comfort, and to forget that he was one of the choristers of the wood. Woodpeckers were flitting hither and thither ; troops of quails whistled in the distance ; the oriole streamed out his bright light through the green branches; there was a winnowing of wings, a dashing of leaves, as birds came rushing in and out. It was their festival. This scene was heightened by the appearance of a hunter. He was a noble specimen of the physical man. Tall, brawny a giant in strength his form loomed up in the distance. He was attired with a red flannel wamus, a leathern belt girt around his waist, deer-skin leggins and moccasins, and a white felt hat that run up to a peak. His rifle and shot- pouch were slung around him, and a few fox-squirrels hung dangling on his belt. His whole figure exhibited a harmony of proportion, a majesty of combination, sometimes seen in Roman statues. As I approached him, his face fairly beamed with rustic intelligence and good nature, and the old man grasped me by the hand, and shook it as heartily as if he had known me a thousand years. VENISON STYLES. 16 "So, you are the person, said Venison Styles, for such I afterward learned was the name he went by, in the neigh borhood So, you are the person that s come in here to settle, I s pose to cut down the trees and plough up this ere ground. I told him I was. Well, said he, so it goes ; I have moved and moved, and I can t keep out of the way of these ploughs and axes. It was just as much as the deer, And beaver, and otter, could do, to stand them govern- Aient surveyors that went tramping around among em, just AS though they were going to be sold out wher-or-no. And <;hen, continued Styles, growing warmer, * they tried to form a thing they called a school ofe-strict about my ears ; and then came a church, and they put a little bell on it, and that scart out the game. Game can t stand church-bells, stranger, they can t ; they clears right out. I tried to soothe the old man s feelings, and among other things, advised him to give up his hunting and fishing, and settle down, and till the soil for a living. What in airth does any body want to till the soil, for ? replied Styles. What does the soil want tilling for ? Warn t the airth made right, in the first place ? The woods were filled with beast and bird, warn t they ? and the whole face of natur covered with grass and wild fruits ? and streams and lakes were scattered every where ? Ain t there enough to eat, and drink, and wear, growing nat ral in the woods; and what else does any body want, stranger ? Yes, but you are growing old, and your sight is dim, my friend, said I. Old ! dim ! eyes bad ! no ! no ! Venison Styles is good for twenty years yet. I do n t take physic. There ain t no more use of taking such stuff, than there is of giving it to my dogs. Taint natural to take it, not no how. All a man wants in sickness is a little saxafax-tea, or something warmin 16 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. of that sort. Children are ail spi lt now-a-days. Their heads and inards are crammed with physic and laming, and they ain t good for nothing. For my part, I hate physic, books, newspapers, and even the mail-carrier. None of my folks were troubled with laming ; for, as near as I can tell, the old man (his father) died hunting game and furs down on the Hios, when it twas all woods there, and I never know d of his writing or reading any. 4 Well, Venison, said I, how long have you been around in these parts ? * Not mor-nor four or five years, or so about, answered Styles. * The game and I have kept running westard and westard, from civilization, as they call it, till I have travel led nigh on a thousand miles, or so. I used to hunt and trap way down on Erie, before them steamboats came a-snort- ing up, but when they came, they scart all the deer and every thing out of the woods and streams ; and then I left ? too. This rifle, continued Styles, this rifle has been along with me for forty years. I have eat and slept with it. I have worn out mor-nor twenty dogs fairly worn em out, and buried every one with a tear ; and bym-bye old Venison himself will go, but he is good on the track yet. I assented to much that was said by old Styles, and grow ing warmer the more interest I took in him, he rattled on about civilization its effects, &c., <fec. ; and, finally, looking into a tree, where a cluster of spring birds were singing, he turned to me, and pointing upward * Do you hear that ? he exclaimed ; that music was made when the world was them throats warn t tuned by any singing-master ; they always keep in order. If men would only jist let natur alone, we could get along well enough. Taint right to make any additions to natur. Taint right to invent music, nor to mock the birds, nor cut down the woods, nor dam up the streams. WHY I CAME TO PUDDLEFORD. 17 *. It s all agin natur, the whole on t. The birds ca n t be im proved on, and the streams and woods belong to the fish and game. They are their houses as much as my house is my house. I always hated a saw-mill/ continued Styles ; its very sound makes me mad. 1 never know d a deer to stay within hearing of one. They roar away just as though they were going to tear down the whole forest, and pile it up into boards. I always try to keep out of their way. But I cannot give all the conversation of this eccentric genius of the forest, with me. He was one of a class of men w,ho are hurried along by immigration, like clouds before the tempest. When the rays of improvement warmed Styles, he had pushed farther back into the shade. He was a connecting link between barbarism and civilization. One half of him was lit up with the light of the sturdy pioneers, who crowded in upon him from the East, and the other half stood dark and gloomy in savage solemnity. With all his antipathy to the society of the whites, he was their staunch friend, and in many ways, was of great service. He became, as we shall see, one of my pleasantest companions, and I cannot help now declaring, that few men have taken such strong hold upon my affections as this same Venison Styles. The old man shouldered his rifle, and inviting me to * drop into his cabin, up the creek, bid me good morning, stran- ger. Reader, such was the scene presented to my eye the day I first looked upon the piece of wild land upon which I finally settled and improved. I had just arrived from an Eastern village, where I was born, and brought up, as the phrase is. A somewhat broken fortune, and breaking health had driven me from it, with a moderate family, to seek a spot elsewhere ; and I resolved to try the Great West, that para dise (if the word of people who never saw it, is to be taken) IS PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. where the surplus population of a portion of the world have found a home. The change was great. But great as it was, I resolved to endure it. So, at it I went. I procured * help, girdled the trees, put a breaking team of twelve yoke of cattle on the ground, tore it up, fenced the land, raised a log-house, and in the fall I had a crop of wheat growing, the withered oak- trees standing guard over it. My family, consisting cf a wife and three children, a boy of eight, and two girls of twelve and ten, were removed to their new quarters, and I had thus fairly begun the world again, and all things were as new about me as if I had just been born into it. During the summer, I had an opportunity of studying the general character of the inhabitants of Puddleford, and its surrounding country population. Like most western settle ments, it was made up of all kinds of materials, all sorts of folks, holding every opinion. More, than a dozen States bad contributed to make up its people. Society was ex ceedingly miscellaneous. The keen Yankee, the obstinate Pennsylvanian, and the reckless Southerner were there. Each one of these persons had brought along with him his early habits, and associations his own views of business law, and religion. When thrown together on public ques tions, this composition boiled up like a mixture of salts and soda. Factions, of course, were formed among those, whose early education and habits were congenial ; divisions were created, and a war of prejudice and opinion went on from month to month, and year to year. The New-England Yan kee stood about ten years ahead of the Pennsylvania Ger man, in all his ideas of progress, while the latter stood back, dogged and sullen, attached to the customs of his fathers. Another general feature consisted in this, that there was no permanency to society. The inhabitants were constantly THE POPULATION OF PUDDLEFORD. 19 changing, pouring out and in, like the waters of a river ; so that a complete revolution took place every four or five years. Every body who remained in Puddleford expected to remove some where else very soon. They were merely sojourners, not residents. There was no attachment to, or veneration for, the past of Puddleford, because Puddleford had no past. The ties of memory reached to older States. There stood the church that sheltered the infant years of Puddleford s population, and there swung the bell that tolled their fathers and fathers fathers to the tomb. There was the long line ol graves, runing back a hundred years, where the sister of yes terday, and the ancestor whose virtues were only known through tradition, were buried. There tottered the old homestead which had passed through the family for genera tions, filled with heir-looms that had become sacred. The school-house was there, where the village boys shouted together. Looking back from a new country, where all is confusion, to an old one, where figures have the stability of a painting, objects which were once trivial start out upon the canvass in bolder relief. The venerable, gray -headed pastor, who appeared regularly in the village pulpit, for half a century, to impart the word of life, rises in the memory, and stands fixed there, like a statue. The quaint cut of his coat, the neat tie of his neck-cloth, the spectacles resting on the tip of his nose, his hums and haws, his eye of reproof, his gestures of vengeance, are now living things are preach, ing still. W$ see again the changing crowd, that year after year, went in and out of that holy place ; the spot where the old deacon sat, his head resting on a pillar, his tranquil face turned upward, his mouth open, enjoying a doze as he listened to the sermon. We recollect the gay bridal, the solemn funeral, the buoyant face of the one, the still cold one of the other. We even remember the lame old sexton, who 20 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. rang the bell, and went limping up to the burying ground, with a spade upon his shoulder. Even he, of no consequence when seen every day, is transformed by distance, and mel lowed by memory into a real being. And then there are the hills and streams, and waterfalls, that shed their music through cur boyish souls, until they became a part of our very exist ence. No man ever lived who entirely forgot these things, suppressed though they might be, by the cares and anxieties of maturer years. And no circumstance so likely to bring them all up, glowing afresh, as a removal to a new country. Of course, no one was attached to Puddleford, as a locality, any more than the wandering Arab is attached to the par ticular spot where he pitches his tent and feeds his camels. Another general feature seemed to be the strange charac ter of a large part of the population. Puddleford was filled with bankrupts, who had fled from their eastern creditors, anxious for peace of mind and bread enough to eat. Like decayed vessels, that had been tempest-tossed and finally condemned, these hulks seemed to be lying up in ordinary in the wilderness. Puddleford was to that class a kind of hospital. This man, upon inquiry, I found had rolled in luxury, but a turn in flour one day blew him sky-high. Another failed on a land speculation. Another bought more goods than he paid for. Another had been mixed up in a fraud. Another had been actually guilty of crime. The farming community were generally free from these charges ; but Puddleford proper was not. The * Colonel, as we called him, was a fair specimen of the bankrupt class. He was one of those unfortunate beings who was well enough started in the world ; but after having been tossed and buffeted around by his own extravagance, he was finally driven into the forest. He was educated, po lished, proud, and poor. He had sunk two or three fortunes, THE COLONEL. 21 sarned by somebody else, chasing pleasure around the world. His reputation having become soiled, and his pockets emp tied, he concluded, to use his own language, to hide him self from his enemies and die a kind of civil death. Men, said the Colonel, are naturally robbers, and it is safer to run than fight with them. I have heard him declare, in a jo cose way, that he was the most injured man living ; for the whole human family, he said, * set to and picked his pockets, and now the public ought to support him. He said, he could n t see why the government did n t pass laws for tho relief of cases like his ; for a government is good for nothing that fails to support its people. Starvation in a republic would be a disgrace, and ought not to be permitted. Tho Colonel said there was no use in fighting destiny no one man can do it and it was his destiny to be poor. He said he had no place to remove to, and that he couldn t get there if he had ; that he was like an old pump that needs a pail of water thrown in every time it is used to set it a-going. The Colonel resided in the village of Puddleford. His fami ly was composed of a wife and two daughters, a couple of dashing girls, who looked like birds of fine plumage that had been driven by a storm beyond their latitude. His house hold furniture was made up of the fag-ends of this and that, which had somehow escaped a half-a-dozen sheriff s sales. His family wardrobe had been rescued in the same way, and contained all the fashions of the last twenty-five years. Here and there were scattered some plain articles of western manufacture, by way of contrast. Three-shilling chairs stood on a faded Brussels carpet ; an unpainted white- wood table supported a silver tea-set : thus, the faded splen dor of the past contrasted with the rustic simplicity of the present. One thing I must not overlook : the Colonel had 22 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. an old tattered carriage that had followed him through good and evil report, his ups and downs of life. I have often been amused to see it roll along with a melancholy air of superi ority, putting on the face of a good man in affliction. It was drawn by two diminutive Indian ponies, who would turn and look wildly at the antiquated thing, as if apprehensive of danger. The Colonel kept an office, and pretended to act as a kind of land-agent, and agent for insurance companies, and so on. He was never known to pay a debt ; it being against his principles, as he used to say : besides, he said, * his note would last a man ten times as long as the money ; and they were not very uncurrent neither ; for the justice of the peace at Puddleford had taken a very great many of them, and passed his judgment upon them for their full face. But I will not go into particulars with the Puddleford ians at present. During the summer my acquaintance with Venison Styles had ripened into a deeper affection for the old hunter. I accepted his invitation to visit him, and found him sheltered in the depths of the forest, and nestled in a valley, his hut overshadowed by great trees, which were filled with birds pouring forth their songs. A little brook tinkled down the slope by his hut, singing all kinds of wood land tunes, as the breeze swelled and died along its banks. The squirrels were chatting their nonsense, and the rolling drum of the partridge was heard almost at his very door. Venison was a hunter, a fisher, and a trapper. The inside walls of his cabin were hung about with rifles, shot-guns, and fishing-rods, which had been accumulating for years. Deer-horns and skins lay scattered here and there, the tro phies of the chase. Seines for lakes, and scoop-nets for smaller streams, were drying outside upon the trees. Venison kept around him a brood of lazy, lounging, VENISON S BOYS. 23 good-for-nothing boys, of all ages, about half-clothed, who followed the business of their father. This young stock were growing up as he had grown, to occupy somewhere their father s position, and lead his life. They lived just as well as the hounds, for all stood on an equality in the family. These ragamuffins were perfect masters of natural history. There was not an instinct or peculiarity belonging to the denizens of the woods and streams which they did not per fectly understand. They seemed to have penetrated the se crecy of animal life, and fathomed it throughout. Birds, and beasts, and fish were completely within their power ; and there was a kind of matter-of-course success with them in their capture that was absolutely provoking to a civilized hunter. 24 PUDDLEPORD AICD ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER II. Law-suit : Filkins against Beadle Squire Longbow and his Court Puddleford assembled Why Squire Longbow was a Great Man Ike Turtle and Sile Bates, Pettifoggers Mrs. Sonera Brown Uproar and Legal Opinions Seth Bolles Miss Eunice Grimes Argument to Jury, and Verdict. Mr intercourse with the inhabitants of Puddleford had been frequent during the summer, and my acquaintance with them had now become quite general. One morning, in the month of September, I was visited by a constable, who very authoritatively served upon me a venire, which commanded me to be and appear before Jonathan Longbow, at his office in the village of Puddleford, at one o clock P. M., to serve as a juryman in a case then and there to be tried, between Philista Filkins, plaintiff, and Charity Beadle, defendant, in an action of slander, etc. The constable remarked, after read ing this threatening legal epistle to me, that I had better be up to time, as Squire Longbow was a man who would not be trifled with, and then leisurely folding it up, and pushing it deep down in his vest-pocket, he mounted his horse, and hurried away in pursuit of the balance of the panel. Of course, I could not think of being guilty of a contempt of court, after having been so solemnly warned of the conse quences, and I was therefore promptly on the spot according to command. Squire Longbow held his court at the public-house, in a room adjoining the bar-room, because the statute prohibited his holding it in the bar-room itself. He was a law-abiding THE GREAT LAW-SUIT. 25 man, and wou d not violate a statute. I found on my ar rival that the whole country, for miles around, had assembled to hear this interesting case. Men, women, and children had turned out, and made a perfect holiday of it. All were attired in their best. The men were dressed in every kind of fashion, or, rather, all the fashions of the last twenty years were scattered through the crowd. Small-crown, steeple- crown, low-crown, wide-brim, and narrow-brim hats ; wide- tail, stub-tail, and swallow-tail, high-collar, and low-collar coats ; bngging and shrunken breeches ; every size and shape of shirt-collar were there, all brought in by the settlers when they immigrated. The women had attempted to ape the fashions of the past. Some of them had mounted a bustle* about the size of a bag of bran, and were waddling along under their load with great satisfaction. Some of the less ambitious were reduced to a mere- bunch of calico. One man, I noticed, carried upon his head an old-fashioned, bell- crowned hat, with a half-inch brim, a shirt-collar running up ti^ht under his cars, tight enough to lift him from the ground, (this ran out in front of his face to a peak, serving as a kind of cutwater to his nose,) a faded blue coat of the genuine swallow-tail breed, a pair of narrow-fall breeches that had passed so often through the wash-tub, and were so shrunken, that they appeared to have been strained on over his limbs : this individual, reader, was walking about, with his hands in his pockets, perfectly satisfied, whistling Yankee Doodle and other patriotic airs. Most of the women had something friz/Jed around their shoes, which were called pan- taletk-s, giving their extremities the appearance of the legs of so many bantam hens. The men were amusing themselves pitching coppers and quoit*, running horses, and betting upon the result of the 26 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. trial to come off, as every one was expected to form some opinion of the merits of the csrse. The landlord of the Eagle was of course very busy. He bustled about, here and there, making the necessary prepara tions. Several pigs and chickens had gone the way of all flesh, and were baking and stewing for the table. About once a quarter Old Stub moistened his clay, as he called it, with a little rye, so as to keep his blood a-stirring Mrs. 4 Stub Bulliphant was busy too. She was a perfect whirl wind ; her temper was made of tartaric acid. Her voice might be heard above the confusion around, giving direc tions to one, and a piece of her mind to another. She was the landlady of the Eagle beyond all doubt, and no one else. Better die than doubt that. Bulliphant ! screamed she, at the top of her lungs, Bul liphant, you great lout, you ! what in the name of massy- sakes are you about ? No fire ! no wood ! no water in ! How, in all created natur, do you s pose a woman can get dinner ? Furiation alive, why do n t you speak ? Sally Ann ! I say, Sally Ann! come right here this minute ! Go down cellar, and get a junk of butter, some milk, and then I say, Sally Ann! do you hear me, Sally Ann? go out to the barn and run ! run ! you careless hussy, to the store ! the pot s boiling over ! And so the old woman s tongue ran on hour after hour. At a little past one, the court was convened. A board placed upon two barrels across the corner of the room, con stituted the desk of Squire Longbow, behind which his ho nor s solitary dignity was caged. Pettifoggers and spectators sat outside. This was very proper, as Squire Longbow was a great man, and some mark of distinction was due. Per mit me to describe him. He was a little, pot-bellied person, SQUIRE LONGBOW. 27 with a round face, bald head, swelled nose, and had only one eye, the remains of the other being concealed with a green shade. He carried a dignity about him that was really op pressive to by-standers. He was the end of the law in Puddleford; and no man could sustain a reputation who presumed to appeal from his decisions. He settled accounts, difficulties of all sorts, and even established land-titles ; but of all things, he prided himself upon his knowledge of con stitutional questions. The Squire always maintained that hard-drinking was agin the Constitution of the United States, and so, he said, Judge Story once informed him by letter, when he applied to him for aid in solving this question. There is no such thing as slander, the Squire used to say, and so he had always decided, as every person who lied about another, knew he ought not to be believed, because he was lying, and therefore the quar-animerj as the books say, is wanting. (This looked rather bad for Fil- kin s case.) Sometimes Squire Longbow rendered judg ments, sometimes decrees, and sometimes he divided the cause between both parties. The Squire said he never could submit to the letter of the law ; it was agin personal liberty ; and so Judge Story decided. * Pre-ce-dents, as they were called, he would n t mind, not even his own ; because then there would n t be any room left for a man to change his mind. If, said the Squire, for instance, I fine Pet. Sykes to-day, for knocking down Job Bluff, that is no reason why I should fine Job Bluff to-morrow for knocking down Pet. Sykes, because they are entirely different persons. Human natur ain t the same. Contempt of Court, the Squire often declared, was the worst of all offences. He did n t care so much about what might be said agin Jonathan Long bow, but Squire Longbow, Justice of the Peace, must and should be protected ; and it was upon this principle that 28 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. he fined Phil. Beardsley ten dollars for contradicting him in the street. Generally, the Squire says, he renders judgment for the plaintiff, because he never issues a process without hear ing his story, and determining the merits. And do n t the plaintiff know more about his rights than all the witnesses in the world ? And even where he has a jury, the Squire says, * that it is his dirty to apply the law to the facts, and the facts to the law, so that they may avoid any illegal verdict. The Court, as 1 said, was convened. The Squire took his seat, opened his docket, and lit his pipe. He then called the parties : 1 Philista Filkins ! Charity Beadle ! * Here, cried a back-woods pettifogger, * I m for Philista Filkins ; am always on hand at the tap of the drum, like a thousand of brick. This man was a character; a pure specimen of a live west ern pettifogger. He was called Ike Turtle. He was of the snapping-turtle breed. He wore a white wool-hat ; a ban dana cotton-handkerchief around his neck; a horse-blanket vest, with large horn-buttons; and corduroy pantaloons; and he carried a bull s-eye watch, from which swung four or five chains across his breast. * Who answers for Charity Beadle ? continued the Squire. 4 1 answer for myself, squeaked out Charity ; I hain t got any counsel, cause he s on the jury. On the jury, ha! Your counsel s on the jury! Sile Bates, I suppose. Counsel is guaranteed by the Constitution it s a personal right let Sile act as your counsel, then. And so Sile stepped out in the capacity of counsel. Charity Beadle! exclaimed the Squire, drawing out his pipe and laying it on his desk, stand up and raise your right hand ! FILKINS V. BEADLE. 29 Charity arose. * You are charged with slandering Philista Filkins, with saying * She warn t no better than she ought to be ; and if you were believed when you said so, it is my duty, as a peace- officer, to say to you that you have been guilty of a high of fence, and may the LORD have mercy on your soul. What do you say ? * Not guilty, Squire Longbow, by an eternal sight, and told the truth, if we are, replied Bates. Beside, we plead a set-off. 1 1 say t is false ! you are ! cried Philista, at the top of her lungs. 4 Silence ! roared Longbow : the dignity of this court shall be preserved. 4 Easy, Squire, a little easy, grumbled a voice in the crowd, proceeding from one of Philista s friends ; * never speak to a woman in a passion. * I fine that man one dollar for contempt of court, whoever he is ! exclaimed the Squire, as he stood upon tip-toe, trying to catch the offender with his eye. I guess t warn t nothing but the wind, said Bates. The Squire took his seat, put his pipe in his mouth, and blew out a long whiff of smoke. * Order being restored, let the case now proceed, he ex claimed. Ike opened his case to the jury. He said Philista Filkins was a maiden lady of about forty ; some called her an old maid, but that warn t so. not by several years ; her teeth were as sound as a nut, and her hair as black as a crow. She was a nurse, and had probably given more lobelia, pen nyroyal, catnip, and other roots and herbs, to the people of Puddleford, than all the rest of the women in it. Of course she was a kind of peramrulary being. (The Squire here in 30 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. formed the jury that peramrulary was a legal word, which he would fully explain in his charge.) That is, she was obliged to be out a great deal, night and day, and in conse quence thereof, Charity Beadle had slandered her, and com pletely ruined her reputation, and broken up her business to the damage of ten dollars. Bates told the Court that he had no jurisdiction in an action of slander. Longbow advised Bates not to repeat the remark, as * that was a kind of contempt. Some time had elapsed in settling preliminaries, and at last the cause was ready. * We call Sonora Brown ! roared out Ike, at the top of his lungs. No, you don t, replied the Squire. This Court is ad journed for fifteen minutes; all who need refreshment will find it at the bar in the next room ; but do n t briner it in O here ; it might be agin the statute. And so the Court adjourned for fifteen minutes. There was a rush to the bar-room, and old Stub Bulli- phant rolled around among his whiskey-bottles like a ship in a storm. Almost every person drank some, judging from the remarks, to wet their whittle ; others, to keep their stomach easy; some to Filkins; others to Beadle, etc., etc. Court was at last convened again. Sonora Brown ! roared Ike again. Object ! exclaimed Sile ; no witness ; hain t lived six months in the State. Squire Longbow slowly drew his pipe from his mouth, and fixed his eyes on the floor in deep thought for several minutes : Hain t lived six months in the State, repeated he, at last; t ain t no resident, of course, under our Constitution. 7 SILE BATES. 31 <And h^w, in all created airth, would you punish sucli a person for perjury ? I should just like to know, continued Sile, taking courage from the Squire s perplexed state of mind ; * our lavvsMo n t bind residents of other States. * But it is n t certain Mrs. Brown will lie, because she is a non-resident, added the Squire, cheering up a little. Well ! very well, then, said Sile, ramming both hands into his breeches-pockets very philosophically ; go ahead, if you wish, subject to my objection. I 11 just appeal, and blow this Court into fiddle-strings ! This cause won t breathe three times in the Circuit! We won t be rode over; we know our rights, I just kinder rather think. * Go it, Sile ! cried a voice from the crowd ; * stand up to your rights, if you bust ! * Silence ! exclaimed Squire Longbow. Ike had sat very quietly, inasmuch as the Squire had been leaning in his favor ; but Sile s last remark somewhat intimi dated his honor. May it please your honor, said Ike, rising ; we claim that there is no proof of Mrs. Brown s residency ; your honor hain t got nothing but Sile Bates s say so, and what s that good for in a court of justice? I would n t believe him as far as you could swing a cat by the tail. * I m with you on that, cried another voice. Silence ! put that man out ! roared Longbow again. But just as Ike was sitting down, an ink-stand was hurled at him by Sile, which struck him on his shoulder, and scat tered its contents over the crowd. Several missiles flew back and forth ; the Squire leaped over his table, crying out at the top of his lungs : In the name of the people of the State of ,1, Jonathan Longbow, Justice of the Peace, duly elected and qualified, do command you. 32 PUDDLEFORD AND T TS PEOPLE. When, at last, order was restored, the counsel took their seats, and the Squire retired into his box again. Sonora Brown was then called for the third time. She was an old lady, with a pinched-up black bonnet, a very wide ruffle to her cap, through which the gray hairs strayed. She sighed frequently and heavily. She said she did n t know as she knew any thing worth telling on. - She did n t know any thing about law-suits, and did n t know how to swear. After running on with a long preliminary about her self, growing warmer aad warmer, the old lady came to the case under much excitement. She said she never did see such works in all her born days. Just because Charity Bea dle sjxid Philista Filkins warn t no better than she. ought to be, thfcse was such a hullabalu and kick-up, enough to set all nat r crazy ! Wny la! sus me ! continued she, turning round to the Squire, do you think this such a dre ful thing, that all the whole town has got to be set together by the ears about it ? Mude-ra-tion ! what a hum-drum and flurry 1 And then the old lady stopped and took a pinch of snuf? and pushed it up very hard and quick into her nose. Jke requested Mrs. Brown not to talk so fast, and onlj answer such questions as he put to her. Well, now, that s nke, she continued. * Warn t I sworn or was t you ? and to tell the truth, too, and the whole truth. I warn t sworn to answer your questions. Why, may-be you do n t know, Mr. Pettifogger, that there are folks in State s- prison now for lying in a Court of Justice ? Squire Longbow interfered, and stated that 4 he must say that things were going on very promis cusly, quite agin the peace and dignity of the State. 1 Jest so I think myself, added Mrs. Brown. This place is like a town-meeting, for all the world. THE JUSTICE S COURT OF PUDDLEFORD. The testimony of Sonora Brown, the witness who " didn t know any thing worth rellm on;" anil who " warn t used to law suits, and didn t know how to swear."- IKE TURTLE. 33 1 Mrs. So-no-ra Brown ! exclaimed Ike, rising on his feet, a little enraged, * do you know any thing about what Charity Beadle said about Philista Filkins ? Answer this question. * Whew ! fiddle-de-dee ! highty-tighty ! so you have really broke loose, Mr. Pettifogger, for now the old lady s temper was up. * Why, did n t you know I was old enough to be your grandmother ? Why, my boy, continued she, hurry ing on her spectacles, and taking a long look at Ike, I know d your mother when she made cakes and pies down in the i/arseys ; and you when you warn t more than so high ; and she measured about two feet high from the floor. You want me to answer, do you ? I told you all I know d about it ; and if you want any thing more, I guess you 11 have to get it, that s all ; and, jumping up, she left the witness- stand, and disappeared in the crowd. I demand an attachment for Sonora Brown ! roared out Ike, an absconding witness ! Can t do it, replied the Squire ; it s agin the Constitu tion to deprive any body of their liberty an unreasonable length of time. This witness has now been confined here by process of law morn-a-nour. Can t do it ! Be guilty of trespass ! Must stick to the Constitution. Call your next witness. Ike swore. The Squire fined him one dollar. He swore again. The Squire fined him another. The faster the Squire fined, the faster the oaths rolled out of Ike s mouth, until the Squire had entered ten dollars against him. Ike swore again, and the Squire was about to record the eleventh dol lar, but Ike checked him. 1 Hold on ! hold on ! you old reprobate ! now I ve got you ! now you are mine ! exclaimed he. You are up to the limit of the law ! You cannot inflict only ten dollars in fines in any one case ! Now stand and take it ! 2* S4 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. And such a volley of oaths, cant phrases, humor, wrath, sarcasm, and fun, sometimes addressed to the Squire, some times to the audience, and sometimes to his client, never rolled out of any other man s mouth since the flood. He commenced with the history of the Squire, when, as he said, * he was a rafting lumber down on the Susque/iarmas ; and he followed him up from that time. 4 He could tell the rea son why he came west, but would n t. He commented on his personal appearance, and his capacity for the office of Justice. He told him he hadn t only one ^ eye, any way, and he could n t be expected to see a great way into a mill stone ; and he did n t believe he had as many brains as an ister. For his part, he knew the law ; he had ransacked every part of the statute, as a glutton would Noah s Ark for the remnant of an eel ; he had digested it from Dan to Beer- sheba ; swallowed every thing but the title-page and cover, and would have swallowed that if he warn t mortal ; he was a living, moving law himself ; when he said law was law, T WAS law ; better peal any thing up from predestination than from his opinion ! he would follow this case to the back side of sun-down for his rights. During all this time, there was a complete uproar. Phi- lista s friends cheered and hurrahed ; the dogs in the room set up their barking ; Beadle s friends groaned, and squealed, and bellowed, and whimpered, and imitated all the domestic animals of the day, while the Squire was trying at the top of his lungs to compel the constable to commit Ike for con tempt. Ike closed and sat down. The Squire called for the con stable, but he \VMS not to be found. One man told him that he was in the next room pitching coppers ; another, that the last time he saw him * he was running very fast ; anoth er, that he rather guessed he d be back some time another, SETH BOLLES. 36 if he ever was, because he was a sworn officer ; another asked the Squire what he d give, to have him catched? but no constable appeared ; he had put himself out the way to escape the storm. A long silence followed this outburst; not a word was said, and scarcely a noise heard. Every one was eagerly looking at the Squire for his next movement. Ike kept his eyes on the floor, apparently in a deep study. At last he arose : Squire, said he, we ve been under something of a press of steam for the last half our : I move we adjourn fifteen minutes for a drink. * Done, answered the Squire ; and so the Court adjourned for a second time. It was now nearly dark, when the Court convened again, The trial of the cause, Filkins vs. Beadle, was resumed. Seth Bolles was called. Seth was a broad-backed, double- fisted fellow, with a blazing red face, and he chewed tobacco continually. He was about two-thirds * over the bay, and did n t care for all the Filkinses or Beadles in the world. * Know Filkins and Beadle ? inquired Ike. Know em ? thunder, yes. How long ? * Ever sin the year one. Ever heard Beadle say any thing about Filkins ? * Heard her say she thought she run d too much arter Elik Timberlake. Any thing, Seth, about Filkins character ? * Now what do you spose I know about Filkins charac ter ? Much as I can do to look arter my own wimmin. * But have you heard Beadle say any thing about Filkins character ? Heard her say once she was a good enough- er-sort-a body when she was a-mind-er-be. 36 FUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. * Any thing else ? * * Shan t answer ; hain t had my regular fees paid as wit ness. Squire Longbow informed Seth that he must answer. * Shan t do it, not so long as my name is Bolles. The Squire said he would commit him. * W-h-e-w! drawled out Bolles, stooping down, and put ting his arms a-kimbo, as he gave the Squire a long look straight in the eye. 4 Order ! order ! exclaimed the Squire. * Whew ! whew ! whew uo-uo-uo ! who s afraid of a Just ice of the Peace ? screamed Seth, jumping up about a foot, and squirting out a gill of tobacco-juice, as he struck the floor Seth s fees were paid hirn, at last, and the question was again put, if he heard Beadle say any thing else? and he said He never did ; and thus ended Seth s testimony. Miss Eunice Grimes was next called. She came safling forward, and threw herself into the chair with a kind of jerk- She took a few side-long glances at Chanty Beadle, which told, plainly enough, that she meant to make a finish of her in about five minutes. She was a vinegar-faced old maid, and her head kept bobbing, and her body kept hitching, and now she pulled her bonnet this way, and now that. She finally went out of the fretting into the languishing mood, and declared she should die if some body did n t get her a glass of water. When she became composed, Ike inquired if * she knew Charity Beadle ? Yes ! I know her to be an orful critter ! J 1 What has she done ? * What hain t she ? She s lied about me, and about El der Dobbin s folks, and said how that when the singing- master boarded at our house, she seed lights in the sitting- room till past three the orful critter ! EUNICE GRIMES. 37 But what have you heard her say about Philista Filkins ? Oh ! every thing that s bad. She do n t never say any thing that s good bout no body. She s allers talking. There ain t no body in the settlement she hain t slandered. She even abused old Deacon Snipes horse the orful crit ter ! But what did she say about Philista Filkins / repeated Ike again. * What do you want me to say she said ? I hain t got any doubt she s called her every thing she could think on. Did n t she, Philisty / she continued, turning her head toward the plaintiff. Philista nodded. Did she say she warn t no better than she ought to be ? 4 Did she ? well, she did, and that very few people were. Stop ! stop ! exclaimed Ike, you talk too fast ! I guess she did n t say all that. * She did, for Philista told me so ; and she would n t lie for the whole race of Beadles. Squire Longbow thought Eunice had better retire, as she did n t seem to know much about the case. She said she knew as much about it as any body ; she wan t going to be abused, trod upon ; and no man was a man that would insult a poor woman ; and bursting into tears of rage, she twitched out of her chair, and went sobbing away. Philista closed, and Sile stated, in his opening to the Court on the part of the defense, that this was a little the smallest case he ever had seen. His client stood out high and dry ; she stood up like Andes looking down on a potato-hill ; he didn t propose to offer scarcely any proof; and that little was by way of set-off tongue against tongue according to the statute in such case made and provided ; he hoped the 6 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Court would examine the law for himself. (Here Sile un rolled a long account against Philista, measuring some three feet, and held it up to the Squire and jury.) This, he said, was a reg lar statement of the slanderous words used by Phi lista Filkins agin Charity Beadle for the last three years, with the damage annexed ; every thing had been itemized, and kept in tip-top style; all in black and white, just as it happened. Sile was about reading this formidable instru ment, when Ike objected. That can t be did in this ere Court ! exclaimed Ike ; the light of civilization has shed itself a little too thick for that. This Court might just as well try to swallow a chest nut-burr, or a cat, tail foremost, as to get such a proposition a-down its throat. Squire Longbow said he d never heer d of such law yet the question was new to him. * Laid down in all the law-books of the nineteenth centu ry ! exclaimed Sile, * and never heard on t ! * Never did. Why, continued Sile, the statute allows set-off where it is of the same natur of the action. This, you see, is slander agin slander. * True, replied the Squire. * True, did you say I exclaimed Ike. You say the sta tute does allow slander to be set off; our statute that sta tute that I learned by heart before I knew my A B C s you old bass-wood headed son But the Squire stopped Ike just at this time. * We will decide the question first, he said. * The Court have made no decision yet. Squire Longbow was in trouble. He smoked furiously. He examined the statutes, looked over his docket, but he did not seem to get any light. Finally, a lucky thought struck him. He saw old Mr. Brown in the crowd, who had THE SQUIRE S * OPINION. 39 the reputation of having once been a Justice in the State of New- York. The Squire arose and beckoned to him, and both retired to an adjoining room. After about a half an hour, the Squire returned and took his seat, and delivered his opinion. Here it is : * After an examination of all the p ints both for and agin the lowing of the set-off, in which the Court did n t leave no stone unturned to get at justice, having ransacked some half a dozen books from eend to eend, and noted down every thing that anywise bore on the subject ; recollecting, as the Court well doz, what the great Story, who s now dead and gone, done and writ bout this very thing, (for we must be lowed to inform this sembly that we read Story in our ju- venil years ;) having done this, and refreshing our minds with the testimony ; and keeping in our eye the rights of parties right-er liberty, and right-er speech, back ards and for ards for I Ve as good a right to talk agin you, as you have to talk agin me knowing, as the Court doz, how much blood has been shed cause folks wer n t lowed to talk as much as they pleased, making all natur groan, the Court is of the opinion that the set-off must be let in ; and such is also Squire Brown s opinion, and no body will contradict that, / know. 1 Je-Aos-a-phat ! groaned out Ike, drawing one of his very longest breaths. The great Je-mt-ma Wilkinson ! and so that is law, arter all ! There s my hat, Squire, Ike contin ued, as he arose and reached it out to him ; * and you shall have my gallusses as soon as I can get at em. The Squire said the dignity of the Court must be pre served. Of course it must ! of course it must ! replied Ike, who was growing very philosophical over the opinion of the Squire ; there ain t no friction on my gudgeons now ; I al- 40 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. ways gins in to reg lar opinions, delivered upon considera tion ; I was just thinking, though, Squire, that as their bill is so much the longest, and as the parties are both here, Cha rity had better let her tongue loose upon my client, and take out the balance on the spot. The Squire said the cause must go on. Sile read his set- off, made up of slanderous words alleged to have been used ; damages fifty dollars ; and calling Charity herself, upon the principle, as he said, * that it was a book-account, and her books were evidence ; and her books having been lost, the paper which he held, and which was a true copy for he made it out himself was the next best evidence; nil of which Charity would swear to straight along. The Court admitted Charity, and she swore the set-off through, and some fifty dollars more ; and she was going on horse-race speed, when Sile stopped her * before, as he told her, she swore the cause beyond the jurisdiction of a ma gistrate. Here the evidence closed. Midnight had set in, and the cause was yet to be summed up. The Court informed Ike and Sile that they were limited to half an hour each. Ike opened the argument, and such an opening, and such an argument ! It will not be expected that I can repeat it. There never lived a man who could. It covered all things mortal and immortal. Genius, and sense, and nonsense ; wit, humor, pathos, venom, and vulgarity, were all piled up to gether, and belched forth upon the Jury. He talked about the case, the Court, the Jury, his client, the history of the world, and Puddleford in particular. The slander was ad mitted, he declared, * because the defendant had tried to set off something agin! it ; and if his client did n t get a judg ment, he d make a rattling among the dry bones of the law, GRAND FINALE. 41 that would rouse the dead of 76 ! He was fifty feet front, and rear to the river ; had seen great changes on the t res- tial globe; know d all the sciences from Neb-u-cwc?-nezzar down ; * kriow d law t was the milk of his existence. As to the Court s opinion about the set-off, 4 his head was chock full of cob-webs or bumble-bees, he did n t know which ; his judgment warn t hardly safe on a common note-er- hand ; he d no doubt but that three jist such cases would run him stark mad ; Natur was sorry she d ever had any thing to do with him ; and he d himself been sorry ever since ; and as for ed cation, he warn t up to the school-marm, for she could read ; the Jury had better give him a ver dict if they did n t want the nightmare. And thus he was limning on, when his half hour expired, but he could not be stopped as well stop a tornado. So Sile aros e, and com menced his argument for the defendant ; and at it both la bored, Ike for plaintiff, Sile for defendant, until the Court swore a constable, and ordered the Jury to retire with him, the argu ment still going on ; and thus the Jury left the room, Ike and Sile following them up, laying down the law and the fact ; and the last thing I observed just before the door closed, was Ike s arm run through it at us, going through a variety of gestures, his expiring effort in behalf of his client. After a long deliberation among the jurors, during which almost every thing was discussed but the evidence, it was an nounced by our foreman, on coming in, that we could not agree, four on em being for fifty dollars for the defendant cording to law, and one on em for no cause of action, (my self,) and he stood out, cause he was a- feared, or wanted to be pop lar with somebody. And thus ended the trial between Filkins and Beadle. 42 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER III. Wanderings in the Wilderness A Bee-Hunt Sunrise The Fox- Squirrel The Blue Jay The Gopher The Partridges Wild Geese, Ducks, and Cranes Blackbirds and Meadow- Larks Venison s Account of the Bees, Domestic Economy How Venison found what he was in search of Honey Secured After Reflections. VENISON STYLES and myself, as I have stated, had now become intimate. Together we scoured the woods and streams, in pursuit of fish and game. There was a kind of rustic poetry about the old man that fascinated my soul. His thoughts and feelings had been drawn from nature, and there was a strange freshness and life about every thing he said and did. He was as firm and fiery as a flint ; and the sparks struck out of him were as beautiful. Winds and storms, morn s early dawn, the hush of evening, the seasons and all their changes, had become a part of him they had moulded and kept him. They played upon him, like a breeze upon a harp. How could I help loving him ? Before day-break, one morning in October, Venison, my self, his honey-box, and axes, set out a bee-hunting, as he called it. It was in the beautiful and inspiring season of Indian summer, a season that lingers long and lovely over the forests of the West. There had been a hard, black frost during the night, and the great red sun rose upon it, shrouded in smoke. We were soon deep in the heart of the wilderness, tramping over the fallen leaves, and pushing for ward to where the bees were thick a-workin, according to Venison. THE FOX-SQUIRREL. 43 As the sun rose higher and higher, the leaves began, all around, to thaw, and detach themselves from the trees, and silently settle to the ground. There stood the yellow walnut, the blood-red maple, side by side with the green pine and the spruce. Ten thousand rainbows were interlaced through the tops of the trees, and now and then a sharp peak shot up its pile of mosaic into the sky. Not a sound was heard around us till morning s dawn. The tranquillity was oppressive. The mighty wilderness was asleep. Every thing felt as fixed and awful as eternity. The vast extent of the wooded waste, reaching thousands of miles beyond, on, and on, and on, filled with mountains, lakes, and streams, lying in solitary grandeur, as unchanged as on the day the Pyramids were finished, overwhelmed the imagination. And then the future arose upon the mind, when all this will be busy with life when the present will be history, referred to, but not remembered when the present population of the globe will have been swept from the face of it, and another generation in our place, playing with the toys that so long amused, and which we, at last, left behind us. But as day dawned, and morning began to throw in her arrows of gold about our feet, the wilderness began to wake up. A fox-squirrel shot out from his bed in a hollow tree, where he had been lodging during the night ; and scamper ing up a tall maple, he sat himself down, threw his tail over his back, and broke forth with his chick-chick-chickaree, chickaree, chickaree! making the woods ring with his song. 4 Look at him ; exclaimed Venison ; he s as sassy as ever. If I had my rifle, I d knock the spots off that check coat of his n ; I d larn him to chickaree old Venison. This squirrel, very common in some of the north-western States, is one of the largest and most beautiful of its species 44 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. He is dressed in a suit of light-brown check, and may be seen, in warm, sunny days, cantering over the ground, or running through the tree-tops. He is a very careful and a very busy body. I have often watched him, as he sat bolt upright in a hickory, eating nuts, and throwing the shucks on the ground, with all the gravity of a judge. During the fall, he hoards up large quantities of stores. He hulls his beech-nuts, selects the fairest walnuts, picks up, here and there, a few chestnuts, and packs every thing away in his castle with the utmost care; and, as Venison says, the choppers in the winter have stolen bushels on em ! While our squirrel was singing his morning psalm, a crow, just out of his bed, went sailing along above us, with his caw ! caw ! and settled on a tree near by. Caw ! caw ! * he screamed again, looking down curiously at the squirrel, as much as to say, Who cares for your music! Then out hurried another squirrel, and another, breaking forth with joy, until the crow, fairly drowned out, spread his wings and soared away. Venison says them crows caii smell gun powder, and that fellow know d we had n t any, when he lit so near us. A blue-jay then commenced a loud call from a distant part of the forest. He is one of the birds that lingers be hind, and braves the blasts of winter. He was flitting about in a tree-top, and had just commenced his day s work. How gaudily Nature has dressed this bird ! How he shines, dur ing spring and summer ! All the shades, and touches, and tinges of blue, flow over his gaudy mantle ; and how orderly and lavishly they are strown over him. But the blue-jay is a dissolute kind of a fellow, after all neither more nor less than a thief, Venison says. His shadowy dress fades with the leaf, and after strutting about during the warmer months, making a great display of his finery, he runs down, STILL LIFE. 45 at last, into a confirmed loafer. Groups of them may be seen in the winter, drudging around among the withered bushes, and scolding like so many shrews. Then out popped the little gopher, that finished piece of stripe and check, that miner, who digs deep in the ground. He, too, had left his mansion, and come to greet the morn. A. troop of quail marched along, headed by their chief. Who does not love the quail ? She is associated with early jhildhood and household memories. Her voice rings through *he past. We heard it sounding over our better years. What a rich brown suit she wears, cut round with Quaker simpli city ! what taste and neatness about it ! It was she, that long ago went forth with the reapers, and piped for them her sun rise psalm, More wet ! More wet /" and she will stay here with us during the winter, and traverse, with her caravan, all day, the desert wastes of snow. Venison says, he * do n t never kill a quail it ain t right, but he don t know The partridges, all around, commenced rolling their drums, aid every little while, one would whirr past our heads, and die away in the distance. The whole woodpecker family began their labor. He who wears a red-velvet cap, silk shawl, and white under-clothes, was boring away in a rotten tree, to find his breakfast ; and he kept hitching around, and hammering, without regarding or caring for our presence. The rabbit, with ears erect, sat drawn up in a heap, quiver ing with fear as he gazed upon us. At last, we reached the bank of the river, and Venison said : * We had better sit down, and take our reck ning. Here was one of the most beautiful pictures of still life, ever painted by Nature. The river wound away like a silver serpent, until it was lost in a bank of Indran summer haze, and it gurgled and dashed through the aisles of the forest, 1C PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. like a dream through the silent realms of sleep. It lay, half sun-shine, half shadow, and the shadow was slowly- creeping up a tall cliff on the opposite shore, as the day- advanced, counting, as it were, the moments as they passed. Afar down it, I was amused as I watched a flock of wild geese. They were about a hundred in number, sleeping upon the water, in a glassy cove, their heads neatly tucked under their wings. An old gander, who had been appointed sentinel, to keep watch and guard, was doing the best he could to perform his duty. He stood upon one leg, and he grew so drowsy, several times, that l*e nearly toppled over, to his great consternation, and the danger of his charge. But rousing up, and taking two or three pompous strides, and stretching his neck to its utmost, with a very wise look, he satisfied himself that all was right, and that he was not so bad a sentinel, after all. Near by this sleeping community, where a ripple played over a cluster of rocks, a flock of ducks were performing their ablutions. Now they were diving, now combing out their feathers, now rising and flapping their wings, now playing with each other, when the leader blowing a blast on his trumpet, they rose gracefully from their bath, and form ing themselves into a drag, went winnowing up the river to their haunts far away. A sand-hill crane, hoisted up on his legs of stilts, his clothes gathered up, and pinned behind him, was leisurely wading about, spearing fish for his breakfast. A dozy, stupid- looking king-fisher sat upon a blasted limb just over him, looking as grave as a country justice, engaged in the same business. A bald eagle came rushing down the stream like an air-ship, his great wings slowly heaving up and down, as if he had set out upon an all-day s journey. A musk-rat ferried himself over from one side to the other, urgent upon VENISON S BEE-POLITY. 47 business best known to himself. A prairie-wolf came clown to the water s edge, gave a bark or two, and, taking a drink, turned back the way he came. How many birds had left the wilderness for other climes ! The blackbirds, those saucy gabblers, who spent the summer here, feeding upon wild rice, departed a month ago. I saw their bustle and preparation. They were days and days getting ready for their journey. The whole country around was alive with their noise. They sang, and fretted. They seemed to be out of all kind of patience with every body and every thing to have a kind of spite against Nature for driving them off. All the trees about the marshes were loaded, and some were singing, some complaining, some scolding ; but having finally completed their arrangements, all of a sudden they left. And the meadow-lark, that came so early with her spring song she who used to sit lipon the waving grass, and heave herself to and fro, in so ecstatic and polite a manner, as her melody rose and fell she, too, is gone. But, about hunting bees. Venison informed me that here was the spot, where he should try em that he did n t know nothing about his luck ; that * bees were the know- ingest critters alive that they lived in * the holler trees, all around us. He said they had queens to govern em that they had workers and drones that every thing about em was done just so, and if any of em broke the laws, they just killed em, and pitched em overboard. This, he said, he had seed himself; he had seen a reg lar bee funeral. He seed, once, four bees tugging at a dead body, drawing it on the back, when they throw d it out of the hive, and covered it over with dirt. And then they have wars, he says, and gen rals, and captins, and sogers, and go out a-fighting, and a-stealing honey; they are 48 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. /cry * knowin critters, and there is no tellin nothing about em. Venison took the little box he had brought with him, which was filled with honey, and, opening its lid, placed it on a stump. He then rambled around the woods until he found a lingering flower that had escaped the frost, with a honey-bee upon it. This he picked, bee and all, and placed on the honey. Soon, the bee began to work and load him self; and finally he rose in circles, winding high in the air, and suddenly turning a right-angle, he shot out of sight. * Where has he gone ? inquired I. * Gone hum where he lives, answered Venison, 4 to unload his thighs and tell the news. In a few moments, three bees returned, filled themselves, and departed; then six; then a dozen, until a black line was formed, along which they were rushing both ways, empty and laden, one end of which was lost in the forest. Venison and myself then started on a trot, with our eyes upward, to follow this living line; and after having proceed ed a quarter of a mile it became so confused and scattered that we gave it up, and returned. 4 What now ? I inquired. * I 11 have em ! I 11 have em ! he replied. * They can t cheat old Venison. I ve hunted the critters mor-nor forty years, and I allers takes em when I tries. I 11 draw a couple of more sights on em. Venison took two pieces more of honey, and placed one on each side of his box. The bees followed him and com menced their work. Very soon, instead of one, he had three lines established, his line of honey forming the base of a triangle, while the bees were all rushing to its point, on each side of this triangle through its middle. This, of course, was a demonstration. Venison and my- HOXLY FOUND. 49 self followed up again, and, sure enough, we had em, as he predicted. There they were, roaring in the top of a great oak, like thunder, coming in and going out, wheeling up and down through the air as though some great celebration was g ^ing on. It seemed that the whole hive of workers must have broken forth to capture and cany away Venison s honey-box. 4 "Will they sting ? inquired I. * Some folks they will, he replied. If they hate a man they ll follow him a mile; and no body knows who they hate and who they do n t, until they re tried. * Where s the honey? I inquired pgain. Well, that s the next thing I m arter; and Venison put his ear to the trunk of the tree to ascertain in what part of it they were a-workin . He listened a while, but they warn t low down, he know d, for he didn t hear em hum- minV He thought the honey was * out the way, high up some where. So at the tree he went with his axe, and in half an hour the old oak older, probably, than any man on the globe came down with a crash that roused up all the echoes of the wilderness. * Upon an examination, the honey was, probably, Venison thought, packed away in a hollow of the tree, about fifty feet from the ground, as a large knot-hole was discerned out of which the bees were streaming in great consternation. So he severed the trunk again, at the bottom of the hollow, and there it was, great flakes, piled one upon another, some of which had been broken by the fall of the tree, and were dripping and oozing out their wild richness. 4 That s the raal stuff, exclaimed Venison ; * something sides bees-bread. Venison had brought nothing with him to hold his honey, and I was a little curious to know how he would manage. 3 50 PtTDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. lie cut the tree again above the knot. During his labor the bees had settled all over him. His hands, face, and hair were filled, beside a circle of them that were angrily wheel ing about his head. But he heeded them not, except by an occasional shake, which was significant of pity rather than rage. Now, said Venison, when his work was finished, the tree cut, the knot-hole stopped, and the whole turned upside down, that s what I call a nat ral bee-hive, and we 11 just stuff in a little dry grass on the top, and then I 11 be ready to move. Move ! I exclaimed, move ! You do n t expect we will carry home a tree, do you ? Two or three on em, I s pect.^ Venison allers gets as much as that. Venison was right. Before noon, half a dozen hives were captured and ready for removal. I confess, after the excite ment was over, that I began to- grow quite serious over my forenoon s labor. I sat down to rest myself, and the very solemnity of the wilderness produced a sober train of thought. A south-west breeze sprang up^aded with the dying breath of the fall-flowers. It was blowing down the leaves around me, and piling them up in gorgeous drifts. Like an under taker around the remains of the dead, it was quietly tearing down the drapery, and preparing the year for its burial. A haze overspread every thing, and the distance was mellow, the objects indistinct, and the whole landscape seemed swim ming, as we sometimes see it in a dream. The trees were covered with haze j and a canoe, on its way down, appeared to be hung up in the air; the birds were hazy ; and, looking about me, I appeared to be sitting in a great tent of haze. The squirrels were clattering through the trees, and throwing down the nuts ; the partridges were drumming ; the rabbits WHAT HAD WE DONE ? 5\ rustling through the dry leaves; the water-fowl hurrying through the air ; and the crickets, those melancholy musi cians, were piping a low, dirge-like strain to the golden hours of autumn as they passed away. I thought I could hear the great heart of Nature beat with measured and palpitating strokes ; could feel the mas sive pendulum of Time swinging back and forth. But I said I was rather sober. There stood our six bee hives, and clinging to each in large clusters were its inhabit ants, who had been driven forth by us to brave a pitiless winter. We had destroyed six cities, and banished their people ; six cities, six governments of law and order. Cities laid out in lanes, and streets, and squares ; cities of dwelling- houses and castles ; cities filled with all sorts of people ; all castes in society. There were the queen and her palace; the drones and their castles ; and the serf, or day-laborer, and his hut ; and there, sitting upon her throne, the sover eign swayed as mighty a sceptre, tyrannized over as great a people, in her opinion, as any human despot. She undoubt edly bustled about, talked large, swelled up herself with her importance, boasted of her blood, of her divine right to rule, (certainly divine in her case,) just as all earthly princes do. There she projected plans of war, marshalled her forces, and stimulated their courage with inflammatory appeals. She talked about her house as the royal line, as the French used to about the Bourbons. And then a lazy aristocracy had been broken up by us ; we had turned hundreds of drones adrift, and according to the modern definition, drones must be aristocrats ; that is, they did no work, and lived upon the labor of others. They were, in all probability, just like all other aristocratic drones. They lounged about the hive in each other s company ; had an occasional uproar at each other s table ; turned out to take the morning air, and slept after 52 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. dinner. They probably advised in all matters of public policy, and cried every day : Long live the Queen. I did not care much about the drones, however. But we had turned the poor day-laborer out of doors ; he who rose with the sun, and went forth to work while the dew was yet lying on the flowers. We had humbled the pride of six cities, and brought it to the dust. Is it strange that I felt sober ? But Venison broke my musing by informing me that it was about time to cakalate a little about getting our honey home, and he guessed he d go and rig up a raft, and float the cargo down. And soon a raft was constructed of flood-wood, and bound together with green withes, the honey rolled aboard, two long poles prepared to be used to guide the craft, and away we glided, followed by a long train of bees, who had been despoiled, and who streamed along after us, until the shadows of evening arrested their flight, and parted them and their treasure for ever. THE LOG-CHAPEL. 53 C H APT E R IV. The Log-Chapel Father Beals Aunt Graves Sister Abigail Bigelow Van Slyck, the Preacher His Entree How he Worked One of his Sermons Performance of the Choir Coronation Achieved Getting into Position Personal Appeals Effect on the Congregation Sabbath hi the Wilderness Is Bigelow the only Ridiculous Preacher ? PUDDLEFORD was not altogether a wilderness, although it was located near a wilderness. It was located just on the out-skirts of civilization, and, like Venison Styles, it caught a reflection of civilized life from the east, and of savage life from the west. It was an organized township, and was a part of an organized county. There were hundreds and thou sands of men who were busy at work all over this county, cutting down the trees and breaking up the soil. Law and religion had found their way among them, just as they always accompany the American pioneer. It could not be otherwise ; because these obligations grow up and weave themselves into the very nature of the people of our republic. They are written on the soul. So that judicial circuits, a court-house and jail, Methodist circuits and circuit-rid ere, and meeting houses, were established. All this was rough, like the coun try itself. Few persons have ever attempted to define the piety of just such a community as this ; and yet it has a form, tone, and character peculiarly its own. The portraits of the Puddlefordians were just as clearly reproduced in their religion, as if they had been drawn by sun-light 54 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. The log-chapel, as it was called, at Puddleford, was filled each week, with one or two hundred rough, hard-featured unlearned men and women, who had come in from all parts of the country ; some for devotional exercises, some for amusement ; some to look, and some to be looked at. This congregation shifted faces each week, like the colors in a kaleidoscope. It was never the same. The man in the pulpit must have felt as though he were preaching to a running river, whose parts were continually changing. Yet there was a church at Puddleford, in the strict sense of the word ; it was organized, and had, at the time I refer to, ten regular members in good standing : all the rest was floating capital, that drifted in from Sunday to Sunday, and swelled the church proper. There was * Father Beals, and old Aunt Graves, and * Sister Abigail, who were regular attendants at all times and seasons. They were, beyond ail doubt, the pillars of the Puddleford church. Father Beals was the church, before any building for worship was erected. He was looked upon as a living, moving, spiritual body ; a Methodist organization in himself; and wherever he went to worship on the Sabbath, whether in a private house, a barn, or in the forest, all the followers of that order were found with him, drawn there by a kind of magnetism. The old man had been one of the faithful from a boy ; had carried his principles about him from day to day ; was indeed a light in the world ; and he was, by some plan of PROVIDENCE, flung far back into the wilder ness, all burning, to kindle up and set on fire those about him. His influence had built the log-chapel, and, like a regulator in a watch, he kept it steady, pushing this wheel a little faster, and checking that. Sometimes he had to com mand, sometimes entreat, sometimes threaten, sometimes soothe. A.UNT GRAVES. 55 1 Father Beals was a good man; and no higher compli ment can be paid to any person. His head was very large, bald, and his hair was white. There was an expression of great benevolence in his face, and a cold calmness in his blue eye that never failed to command respect. He used to sit, on Sundays, just under the pulpit, with a red cotton handker chief thrown over him, while his wide-brimmed hat, that he wore into the country, stood in front, on a table, and really seemed to listen to the sermon. Aunt Graves was a very useful body in her way, and tho Puddleford church could not have spared her any more than * Father Beals. She was an old maid, and had been a mem ber of the log-chapel from its beginning. She was one of those sincere souls that really believed that there was but one church in the world, and that was her own. She felt a kind of horror when she read of other denominations having an actual existence, and wondered what kind of judgment would fall upon them. She did n t know very much about the Bible, but she knew a great deal about religion ; she knew all about her own duty, and quite a good deal about the duty of her neighbors. Now Aunt Graves was useful in many ways. She kept, in the first place, a kind of spiritual thermometer, that always denoted the range of every member s piety except her own. Every slip of the tongue, every uncharitable remark ; every piece of indiscretion, by word or deed ; all acts of omission, as well as of commission, were carefully registered by her, and could at any time be examined and corrected by the church. This was convenient and useful. Then, she was a choice piece of melody ; there was not another voice like her s in the settlement. It had evidently been pitched * from the beginning for the occasion. It possessed great power, was quite shaky, (a modern refinement in music,) and could 56 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. be heard from a half to three quarters of a mile. She has been known to sweep away on a high note, and actually take the Puddleford choir off, their feet. She rode through the staff of music headlong, like a circus-rider around the ring ; and could jump three or four notes at any time, without lessening her speed, or breaking the harmony. She would take any piece of sacred music by storm, on the very shortest notice. In fact, she was the treble, aided by a few others who had received their instruction from her ; and she was just as indispensable to worship, she thought, as a prayer or a sermon. Aunt Graves always made it her business to keep a sharp look-out after the morals of the preacher. Men are but men, she used to say, and preachers are but men ; and they need some person to give em a hunch once in a while.* Sometimes she would lecture him of the log-chapel for hours upon evidences of piety, acts of immorality, the importance of circumspection, the great danger that surrounded him her tongue buzzing all the while like a mill-whoel, propelled as it was by so much zeal. She said it almost made her crazy to keep the Puddleford church right side up ; for it did seem as though she had every thing on her shoulders ; and she really believed it would have gone to smash long ago, if it had n t been for her. 7 Now, Sister Abigail was n t any body in particular that is, she was not exactly a free agent. She was Aunt Graves shadow a reflection of her ; a kind of person that said what Aunt Graves said, and did what she did, and knew what she knew, and got angry when she did, and over it when she did. She was a kind of dial that Aunt Graves shone upon, and any one could tell what time of day it was with Aunt Graves, by looking at Sister Abigail. Besides these lights in the church, there were about (as I Jt BIGELOW VAN SLYCK. 57 have said) ten or a dozen members, ana a congregation weekly of one or two hundred. Bat I must not pass over the preacher himself. I only speak of one, although many filled the pulpit of the Puddle- ford church, during my acquaintance with it. Bigelow Van Slyck was at one time a circuit-rider on the Puddleford cir cuit; and I must be permitted to say, he was the most im portant character that had filled that station, prior to the time to which I have reference. He was half Yankee, half Dutch ; an ingenious cross, effected somewhere down in the State of Pennsylvania. He was not yet a full-blown preacher, but an exhorter merely. lie was active, industrious, zealous, and one would have thought he had more duty on his hands than the head of the nation. His circuit reached miles and miles every way. He was here to-day, there to-morrow, and somewhere else next day ; and he ate and slept where he could. Bigelow s appointments were all given out w^eks in advance. These appointments must be fulfilled ; and he was so continually pressed, that one would have thought the furies were ever chasing him. I have often seen him rushing into the settlement after a hard day s ride. He wore a white hat with a wide brim, a Kentucky-jean coat, corduroy vest and breeches, a heavy pair of clouded-blue yarn stockings, and stogy boots. He rode a racking Indian pony, who wore a shaggy mane and tail. Bigelow usually made his appearance in Puddleford just as the long shadows of a Saturday evening were pointing over the landscape. The pony came clattering in at the top of his speed, panting and blowing, as full of business and zeal as his master, while Bigelow s extended legs and fluttering bandana kept time to the movement. The women ran to the doors, the children paused in the midst of their frolic, as 68 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. his pony stirred up the echoes around their ears ; and it is said that the chickens and turkeys, who had often witnessed the death of one of their number when this phantom appeared, set up a most dismal hue-and-cry, and took to their wings in the greate>t consternation. \\ e hope that none of our readers will form an unfavora ble opinion of Bigelow, after having- read our description of him. He was the man of all others to fill the station he occupied, lie was as much a part of, and as necessary to, the \\ilderness he inhabited, as the oak itself. lie belonged to the locality. He was one of a gallery of portraits that nature and circumstances had hung up in the forest for a useful purpose, just as Squire Longbow was another. The one managed the church, the other the courts ; and all this was done in reference to society as it was, not what it ought to be, or might be. There was a kind of elasticity about Bigelow s theology, as there was about the Squire s law. that let all perplexing technicalities pass along without producing any friction. They were graduated upon the sliding-scale princi ple, and were never exactly the same. Bigelow was a host in theology in his way. lie could reconcile at once any and every point that could be raised. He never admitted a doubt to enter into his exhortations, but he informed his hearers at once just how the matter stood. He professed to be able to demonstrate any theological ques tion at once, to the satisfaction of any reasonable mind ; and it was all folly to labor with the unreasonable, he said, for they would * fight agin the truth as long as they could, any way/ I used occasionally to hear him exhort, and he was in every respect an off-hand preacher. He worked like a black smith at the forge. Coat, vest, and handkerchief, one after the other, new off as he became more and more heated in his A GREAT OCCASION. iJ At one time be thundered down the terrors of the law upon ihe heads of his hearers ; at another he persuaded ; and suddenly he would take a facetious turn, and aeeompany the truth with a story about his grand-father down on the Ohio, or an anecdote that he had read in the newspapers. He wept and he laughed, and the whole assembly were moved as his feelings moved; now silent with grief, and now swell ing with enthusiasm. I recollect one of his sermons in part, and. in fact, the most of the services accompanying it. It was a soft day in June. The birds were singing and revelling among the trees which canopied the chapel. The church was ii.led. The choir were all present. Father Deals, Aunt Graves, and Sister Abigail were in their accustomed seats. The farmers from the country had turned out ; in fact, it was one of the most stirring days Puddletbrd had ever known. It was quite evident that the occasion was extraordinary, as "Aunt Graves was very nervous the moment she took her seat in the choir. If any error should be committed, the exercises would be spoiled, prayers, preaching, and all ; because, according to her judgment, they all depended upon good music; and that she was responsible for. So she began to hitch about, first this way. and then that; then she ran over the music-book, and then the index to it; then she hummed a tune inaudibly through her nose ; then she examined the hymn-book, and then changed her seat ; and then changed back again. She was, in her opinion, the wheel that kept every other wheel in motion; and what if that wheel should stop! But the hvmn was at last given out ; and there was a rust ling of leaves, and an a-hemiuing, and coughing, and spitting ; and sound in or of notes ; and a toot on a cracked clarionet, which had been wound with tow ; and a low grunt from a bass-viol, produced by a grave-looking man in the corner 60 FUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Then all rose, and launched forth in one of those ancient pieces of church-harmony, Coronation ; every voice and in strument letting itself go to its utmost extent. One airy- looking person was pumping out his bass by rising and fall ing on his toes ; another, more solemn, was urging it up by crowding his chin on his breast ; another jerked it out by a twist of his head; while one quiet old man, whose face beamed with tranquillity, just stood, in perfect ecstasy, and let the melody run out of his nose. The genius on the clarionet blew as if he were blowing his last. His cheeks were bloated, his eyes were wild and extended, and his head danced this way and that, keeping time with his lingers; and he who sawed the viol,, tore away upon his instrument with a kind of ferocity, as if he were determined to commit some violence upon it. But the treble what shall I say of it? Aunt Graves was no where to be seen, after the parts had got into full play ; she put on the power of her voice, and drowned out everything around her at once-; and then, rising higher and higher, she rushed through the notes, the choir in full chase after her, and absolutely came out safely at last, and struck upon her feet, without injuring herself or any one else. When this performance closed, quite an air of self-satis faction played over the faces of all, declaring clearly enough that their business was over for an hour at least. In fact Aunt Graves was entirely out of breath, and remained in a languishing state for several minutes. So they busied them selves the best way they could. They gazed at every person in the house except the preacher, and did every thing but worship. I noticed that it was very difficult for the female portion to get into position. They tried a lounge and a lean, an averted face and a full one Then their bonnet- strings troubled them, and then their shawls ; and now a lock ARGUMENTUM AD HOMIKEM. 61 of hair got astray, and then something else. The men were as philosophical and indifferent ^s so many players at a show. He of the clarionet once so far forgot the day as to raise his instrument to the window and take a peep though it, so that he might detect its air-holes, if any there were ; and he after ward amused himself and me, a long time, by gravely lick ing down its tow bandage, so that it might be in condition when called upon to perform again. In fact, the Puddle- ford choir was very much like choirs in all other places. By and by, Bigelow took his stand, preparatory to his ser mon. I do not intend to follow Bigelow through his dis course, because I could not do so if I attempted it; nor would it be of any importance to the reader, if I could. lie said he would not take any text, but he would preach a sermon that would suit a hundred texts. lie did not like to conBne himself to any particular portion of the Bible ; but wished to retain the privilege of following up the manifold sins of his congregation, in whomsoever or wherever they existed. He then launched himself forth, denouncing, in the first place, the sin of profanity, which is very common in all new countries, evidently having in view two or three of hi? hearers who were notoriously prof me ; and after considering the question generally, he declared, that of all sinners, the pro fane man is the greatest fool, because he receives nothing for tiis wickedness. A n t that true, Luke Smith \ he continued, as he reached out his finger toward Luke, whose daily con versation was a string of oaths ; a n t that true 1 How much have you made by it 1 answer to me, and this congregation. Luke quivered as if a shock of electricity had passed through him. Bigelow then gave a short history of his own sins in that line at an early day, before he entered the pulpit, when he was young and surrounded by temptations ; but, he said, he 62 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. reformed at last, and every other man might do so by the same means. When you feel yourself swelling with a big oath for every man feels em inside before they break out, exclaimed Bigelow, jump up and cry Jezebel ! three times in succession, and you 11 feel as calm as an infant. This, he continued, lets off the feeling without the commission of sin, and leaves the system healthy. He next considered the sin of Sabbath-breaking; and he poured down the melting lava upon the heads of his hearers with a strength and ingenuity that I have seldom seen equal led. Men, he said, would labor harder to break the Sab bath, than they would for bread. They would chase a deer from morning till night on this holy day, kill him, and then throw the carcass away ; but week-days they lounge about some Puddleford dram-shop, while their families were suffer ing. Men, too, he continued, fish on Sundays, because the devil has informed them that fish bite better. It is the devil himself who does the biting, not the fish ; it is he who is fishing for you ; for Bill Larkin, and Sam Trimble, and Hugh Williams, and scores of others; he s got you now and you will be scaled and dressed for his table unless you escape instantly ; and then, to impress his illustration, he soared away into a flight of eloquence just suited to his hearers; rough and fiery, plain and pointed, neither above nor below the capacity of those he addressed. Bigelow then made a descent upon lying and liars. He regretted to say that this sin was very common in the church. He had a dozen complaints before him now, undecided; and he detailed a few of them, as specimens of the depravity of the human heart. He didn t want to hear any more of them, as he had something else to do, beside taking charge of the tongues of his church. Then came an exhortation on duties ; and almost ever} SUCCESS UNDER DIFFICULTIES. 63 practical virtue was mentioned and impressed. Early- rising, industry, economy, modesty, contentment, etc., etc., all received a notice at his hands. * Do n t sleep yourselves to death ! exclaimed Bigelow ; * rise early ! work ! for while you sleep, the Enemy will sow your fields full of tares ; and the only way to keep him out is to be on the spot yourself! This was a literal application of the parable, it is true ; yet it was very well done, and productive, I have no doubt, of some good. Bigelow closed in a most tempestifous manner. He was eloquent, sarcastic, and comical, by turns. He had taken off nearly all his clothes, except his pantaloons, shirt, and sus penders ; a custom among a certain class of western preachers, however strange it may appear to many readers. Streams of perspiration were running down his face and neck ; his hair was in confusion ; and altogether, he presented the appear ance of a man who had passed through some convulsion of nature, and barely escaped with his life. I could not help thinking that Bigelow was entitled to great credit, not. only for the matter his sermon contained, but in being able to deliver a sermon at all amid the con- O fusion which often surrounded him. There were a dozen or more infants in the crowd, some crowing, some crying, and some chattering. One elderly lady, in particular, had in charge one of these responsibilities, that seemed to set the place and the preacher at defiance. She tried every expedient to quiet the little nuisance, but it was of no use. She sat it down, laid it down, turned it around, nursed it, chirped at it ; and finally, giving up in despair, she placed it on her kivee, the child roaring at the top of its lungs, and commenced trotting it in the very face of the audience. This operation cut up the music of the innocent, and threw it out in short, quick jerks, \ery agreeable to the preacher and congrega tion. 64 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. An excellent old woman also sat directly in front of Bige- low, her left elbow resting on her knee, which she swayed to and fro with a sigh. Her face lay devoutly in the palm of her hand, while her right thumb and fore-finger held a pinch of snuff, which she every now and then slowly breathed up a hawk-bill nose, with a long-drawn whistle, something after the sort that broke forth from the clarionet a while before. She then blew a blast into a faded cotton handkerchief, that reverberated like the voice of many trumpets. This was followed by fits of co ughing, and sneezing, and sighing ; in fact, she sounded as great a variety of notes as the ciioir itself. Beside all this, a troop of dogs who had followed their masters were continually marching up and down the chapel ; and when any unusual excitement occurred with Big.4ow, or any one else, as there did several times, we had a barking- chorus, which threatened to suspend the whole meeting. Bigelow, however, did n t mind any or all of these things ; but, like a skillful engineer, he put on the more steam, and ran down every obstacle in his way. Reader, I have given you a description of the log-chapel at Puddleford. It is like a thousand other places of public worship in a new country. If there is something to con demn, there is more 1o praise. There seems to be a provi dence in this, as in all other things. The settlers in a forest are a rough, hardy, and generally an honest race of men. It is their business to hew down the wilderness, and prepare the way for a different class who will surely follow them. They cannot cultivate their minds to any extent, or refine their characters. They must be reached through the pulpit by such means as will reach them. Of what importance is a nice theological distinction with them ? Of what force a labored pulpit disquisition ? They have great vices and strong SABBATH IN THE WILDERNESS. 65 virtues. Their vices must be smitten and scattered with a sledge-hammer ; they are not to be played with in a flourish of rhetoric. Just such a human tornado as Bigelow, is the man for the place : he may commit some mischief, but he will leave behind him a purer moral atmosphere, and a serener sky. Society, in such a place as Puddleford, is cultivated very much like its soil. Both lie in a state of rude nature, and both must be improved. The great breaking-plough/ with its dozen yoke of cattle, in the first place, goes tearing and groaning through the roots and grubs that lie twisted under it, just as Bigelow tore and groaned through the stupidity and wickedness of his hearers. . Then comes the green grass, and wheat, and flowers, as years draw on ; producing, at last, some sixty, and some an hundred-fold. There is something impressive in the Sabbath in the wilderness. A quiet breathes over the landscape that is almost overwhelming. In a city, the church-steeples talk to one another their lofty music; but there are no bells in the wilderness to mark the hours of worship. The only bell which is heard is rung by Memory, as the hour of prayer draws nigh; some village-bell, far away, that vibrated over the hills of our nativity, the tones of which we have carried away in our soul, and which are awakened by the solemnity of the day. There is a philosophy in all this, if we will but see it : there is more ; there is a lesson, possibly a reproof. If we are disposed to smile at the rusticity of a Puddleford church, may we not with equaj. reason become serious over the over grown refinement of many another ? May not something be learned in the very contrast which is thus afforded ? Do not the extravagant hyperbole, coarse allusions, irreverent anec dote, and strong but unpolished shafts of sarcasm, that such 66 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. as Bigelow so unsparingly scatter over the sanctuary, give a rich back-ground and strong relief to the finished rhetoric of many a pulpit essay, that has been written to play with the fancy and tranquillize the nerves of a refined arid fashionable audience ? Are not the extremes equally ridiculous : the one not having reached, the other having passed the zenith ? THE FISH HARVEST. 67 CHAPTER V. Indian Summer Venison Styles again Jim Buzzard Fishing Ex cursion Muskrat City Indian Burying-ground the Pickerel and the rest of the Fishes the Prairie Wild Geese the Old Mound Venison s regrets at the degenerating times His luck, and mine Reminiscences of the Beavers Camping out Safe Return. INDIAN summer had not yet taken her bow from the woods or her breath from the sky. Old Autumn still lay asleep; Time stood by, with his hour-glass erect, slowly count ing the palpitations of his heart. Venison Styles appointed a day for a fishing excursion, and was desirous of my company ; so, on one of those bright mornings, we might have been seen loading our gear into the boat, preparatory to a night s lodging in the woods. We were accompanied by Jim Buzzard, a genuine Puddleford- ian, whom we took along to do up the little pieces of drudg ery that always attend such an expedition. Puddleford was a wonderful place for fish-eaters, and the only real harvest the villagers had was the fish-harvest. One half of Puddleford lived on fish, and every body fished. But our * Jim Buzzard was a character in fish, and I could never excuse myself if I should pass him over unnoticed. Where Jim was born who was his father or mo ther and whether he actually ever had any, are questions that no mortal man was ever yet able to answer. He ap peared one spring morning in Puddleford with the swallows. The first thing seen of him he was sitting, about sunrise, on 68 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. an old dry-goods box, at the corner of a street, whistling a variety of lively airs. The crown was dangling from the top of his hat, he was shirtless and unshaved, and his shoes gaped horribly at the public. Jim was a genuine loafer, and loafers, you know, reader, pervade every place, and are always the same. There is a certain class of animals that are said to follow civilization, as sharks follow in the wake of a ship, and generally for the same reason, to pick up what they can find. Rats and loaf ers belong to this class, and there is no human ingenuity shrewd enough to keep them off: their appearance seems to be a simple fulfilment of a law of nature. Jim Buzzard was a fisher, too, and nothing but a fisher. He would sit on an old log by the bank of the river, and hold a pole from morning until night. If the fish would bite, very well; if they would not, very well. Ill-luck never roused his wrath, because there was no wrath in him to arouse. He was a true philosopher, and was entirely too lazy to get into a passion. Jim knew that the fish would bite to-morrow, or next day, if they did n t to-day. He was happy, completely so; that is, as completely happy as the world will admit, He did n t envy any body not he. All his wants were supplied, and what did he care about the pos sessions of his neighbors ? He never realized any future, here or hereafter. Jim never lay awake nights, thinking about where he would be, or what he should have, next week. He did n t know as there was any next week. He knew the sun rose and set, which was all the time he ever measured at once. Well, as I said, Jim made one of our company. Our boat was finally loaded, our crew shipped, and we shot forth into the stream. The water lay as smooth as glass, and the reflected colors of the blazing trees that hung over it gave it the appearance of a carpet. The headlands THE MTSKRATS. 69 put out here and there, intersected by long gores of marsh, that ran away a mile or more in the distance. Upon one of these marshes a city had been reared by the muskrats, which presented an interesting- appearance. Hun dreds of huts had been erected by this busy population, intended by them as their winter quarters, composed of grass and sticks and mud, and hoisted up beyond the reach of the spring floods. Each one was a little palace, and the whole sat upon the water like a miniature Venice. Here huts were entered by diving down, the front door being always concealed to prevent intrusion. Up and down the canals of this city the inhabitants gossiped and gambolled by moon light, like those of every other gay place. They had their routs, and cotillons, and suppers, in all human probability, and for aught I know drank themselves stupid. Perhaps they kept up an opera. I say perhaps we know so little of the inner life of these strange creatures, that we may draw upon the imagination in regard to their amusements as much as we please. If any transcendental muskrat should ever write the history of this colony, I will forward it to 4he newspapers by the first mail. Venison said, * we were going to have a wet time on t, cause the rats had built so high, and the whole mash would be covered bym-bye, by the rains. He said, * muskrats know d more nor men about times ahead, and fixed up things cordingly. Our boat glided along until we came in sight of a huge bluff that had pushed itself half across the stream. A me lancholy fragment of one of the tribes of Indians, who OTICO held the sovereignty of the soil, and who had escaped a removal, or had wandered back from their banishment, were clustered upon it. They had erected a long pole, and gath ered themselves, hand in hand, in a circle about it ; within 70 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE this circle, their medicines and apparel worn in worship lay for consecration. The plaintive chant was heard melting along the waters, as they wheeled round and round in their solemn service. I have never looked upon a more touching exhibition. Most of these Indians were very old ; they had outlived their tribe, their country, their glory every thing but their ceremonies and themselves. What a beautiful tri bute was this to the past ! a handful of worshippers linger ing round the broken altar of their temple, and hallowing its very ruins. Near by, and on the southern slope of the bluff lay the remains of an extensive Indian burying-ground. No white man could tell its age. Large oaks, centuries old, that had grown since the dead were first deposited there, stood up over the graves. No monuments of stone designated the thousands of sleepers the living themselves were the mon uments of the dead. Weapons of war and peace were scattered beneath the turf, mixed with crumbling human bones. Ayhat were this little band of red men, thought I, but so many autumn leaves ? A few years more, and the solitary boat as it turns this headland, will find no warrior kneeling on its height. The Great Spirit will brood alone over the solitude. By and by, we turned into a bay, sheltered by an over hanging cliff, where we cast our anchor, and made ready for work. The water was transparent, and the shining pebbles glittered in the sandy depths below. Shoals of fish had gathered in this nook, beyond the strife of waters. The sun-fish, his back all bristling with rage, ploughed around with as much ferocity as a privateer ; the checkered perch lazily rolled from side to side, as his breath came and went ; the little silver dace darted and flashed through each other THE PRAIRIE. 71 their streams of light ; and away off, all alone, the pickerel that terror of the pool, stood as still and dart-like as the vane of a steeple. This congregation reminded me of the stir we sometimes find in the ports of a city. They seemed to have much business on Land. They were continually putting out and putting in ; sometimes alone and sometimes in fleets. I noticed an indolent old sucker, 1 who made several unsuc cessful attempts to reach the current, and get under head way. Once in a while, a fish would come dashing in from above, like a ship before a gale, throwing the whole com munity into an uproar. Below us, on the left bank of the river, stretched a prairie which was several miles in circumference. It was dotted, here and there, wkh a settler s cabin, but the greater part yet lay in the wild luxuriance of nature. It was surrounded by the forest, and long points of woodland pierced it, now glowing like a flame. Shooting back and forth, the prairie- hens sailed across it, like boats upon the main. The sky above it was filled with hawks, sweeping round and round in search of prey now they rested upon their outspread wings then plunged through a long-drawn curve then gracefully moved near the eartk in downward circles, as some object was discovered, winnowing awhile above it, to make sure of its nature and position, and rising once more, and turning with lightning quickness, away they rushed upon their quarry, and soared away with it on high. In the depth of winter, when the lakes and rivers are. bound in ice, vast bodies of geese assemble there. Acres of ground are covered, and they storm about their camp like an army of soldiers. Some commamding elevation, far out from shore, beyond the reach of the hunter s gun, is selected. When disturbed, their sentinels blow the alarm, 72 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. and away they go, piping their dismal dirge, until it dies afar in the sky. By day-break the next morning, they are on the ground again, as tranquil as though nothing had happened. It is almost impossible to trap these wanderers. Before they establish their quarters, they study the landscape with the eye of a painter. They take a daguerrian view of ob jects as they are. The log-hut, with its curling smoke the hay-stack crowned with snow the settler s cart tipped up, its. tongue pointing toward the North star a goose understands as well as a man. They never blow up nor work destruction. But just try an arti6cial house of boughs, a brush fence, or an entrenchment near their lines. They see the plot at a glance, and draw out of harm s way, and pitch their snowy tents again, beyond its reach. As well chase the fabled island, as a flock of wild geese. Not far below this prairie, near the bank of the river, a venerable mound reared its solitary head. It was thinly covered with oaks, and belonged to Oblivion. It was one of the few feathers that time had cast in his flight, to mark the past, and confuse the present. It looked like a hand reached out from eternity ; but whose hand ? Aye, whose ? Who built it ? When ? W T hy ? It was filled with aU kind of strange things that had been planted there by a busy race who were unable to preserve their own history. Their works had outlived themselves ; but they cannot talk to us, nor tell us what they are, nor who fashioned them. There it stands, gazing dumbly at all who look upon it, a sad lesson to individual pride, or national glory. Venison did not seem quite satisfied with the prospect of catching fish in the little bay. "Taint as it used to be, sighed the old hunter. Before the woods were cut down, O and them are dams built, said he, the whole river was alive JIM ASLEEP. 73 with all sorts of fish. In the spring-time the salmon-trout and sturgeon used to come up out of the lakes to feed, but they can t get up any more. They keep trying it every year yet, and thousands on em may be seen packed in below old Jones dam, long bout April, waiting and waiting for it to go off. For I s pose they think taint nothing but flood- wood lodged. Why do n t they climb it ? inquired I. When the water is very high up, and there arnt much of a riffle there, they will sometimes ; but they can t climb like them speckled trout they 11 go right up a mountain stream, and make nothing on t them fellers beat all nater for going any where. ^ However, as I said somewhere back in my narrative, we made ready for work. We looked around for Jim Buzzard, and found him sitting in the bow of the boat, his legs sprawled out, his head dropped on his chin, his ragged hat cocked on one side, fast asleep. There was an ease and self- abandonment about his appearance that were really beautiful. Jim could sleep any where some people can t. lie was never nervous. He never had any spasms about some thing that could never occur. He had no notes falling due no crops in the ground no merchandize on his hands no property, except the little he earned on his back, and that he did n t really own ; it was given to him he was no candidate for office, and did n t even know or care who was President all administrations were alike to him, for all had treated him well. He never flew into a passion because some persons slandered him, because he had no character to injure. Hallo, Jim ! I screamed, with my mouth to his ear, the boat is sinking. He gaped, and groaned, and stretched a few times, and 4 74 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. finally opened his eyes, and adjusted his hat, and looting up at me: Let-er sink, then, he replied, -we can get-er up agin. 4 Stir around ! stir around, Jim ! I exclaimed ; the fish are waiting for our bait ; out with your pole. He said, he was goin overboard arter fresh-water clams kase they were good with salt, and any body could eat em, and rolling up his breeches, over he went, and moving away down near a sandy beach, he commenced digging his clams with his feet, and piling them up on shore by his side. Venison and myself dashed our lines overboard. I watched every movement of the old hunter. He went through^,s many ceremonies as a magician working a charm. His * minnys, (minnows,) as he called them, were hooked tenderly at a particular place in the back, so that they might shoot around in the water, without dying in the eft ort ; his hook was pointed in a certain direction, so as to catch at the first bite ; he then spit upon the bait, and swinging the line a few times in circles, he threw it far out in the stream. That 11 bring a bass, pickerel, or something, said he, as it struck the water. Soon the pole bent, and Venison sprang upon it. Pull him out ! exclaimed I. * Don t never hurry big fish, replied he ; * let him play round a little ; he 11 grow weak bym-bye, and come right along into the boat, and accordingly, Venison let him play; he managed the fish with all that refinement in the art that sportsmen know so well how to appreciate and enjoy. Sometimes it raced far up the stream, then far down ; and once, as the line brought it up on a downward trip, it bounded into the air, and turned two or three summersets that shook the silver drops of water from its fins. After a while, it became exhausted, and Venison slowly drew him MY LUCK. 75 into the boat, all breathless and panting ; a famous pickerel, four feet long and well proportioned. My poles, all this time, remained just where I first placed them not a nibble, as I knew. Some very wicked people I have been informed, swear at fish when they refuse to bite but I did not because I have never been able to see why they were to blame, or why swearing would reform them, if they were. It was no very good reason that they should take hold of one end of my pole and line, because I hap pened to be at the other. Not having much luck with big fish, I concluded to amuse the small fry. So out went my hook ker-slump right down in the midst of a great gathering, who seemed to Lave met on some business of importance. It was a little curious to watch these finny fellows as they eyed my worm. They swept round it in a circle, a few times, and coming up with a halt, and forming themselves abreast, they rocked up and down from head to tail, as they surveyed the thing. By and by, a perch, a little more venturesome than the rest, floated up by degrees to the bait, his white fins slowly moving back and forth, and carefully reaching out his nose, he touched it, wheeled, and shot like a dart out of sight. In a few minutes he came round in the rear of the company, to await further experiments. Next came the sun-fish, jerk ing along, filled with fire and fury, with a kind of who s afraid sort of look, and striking at my hook, actually caugh* the tip of the barb, and I turned the fellow topsy-turvy showing up his yellow to advantage. He left for parts un known. There was a small bass who had strayed into the community, whom I was anxious to coax into trouble, but lit lay off on his dignity, near an old root, to see the fun. ] moved my hook toward him. He shot off and turned head-to, with a no-you-don t sort of ir. I took my bait 76 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. from the water and spit on it, but it would n t do. I took it out again, and went through an incantation over it, but I could n t catch him by magic ; and I have no doubt, reader, he is there yet. Venison, every little while, dragged another and another pickerel aboard. Pretty soon we had Jim Buzzard cleaning fish, and packing away in a barrel, with a little sprinkling of salt. I gathered in my lines, arose, and thanked the whole tribe of fish generally and particularly, for their attendance upon me, and promised not to trouble them for a month at least. The sun was waning low, and the shadows of the trees were pointing across the river. The clouds in the west gathered themselves into all kinds of pictures. There was a ileet of ships, all on fire, in full sail, far out at sea ; the fleet dissolved, and a city rose out of its ruins, filled with temples, and domes, and turrets, and divided into streets, up and down which strange and fantastic, figures were hur rying. The city vanished, and t\ pile of huge mountains shot up their rugged peaks, around which golden islands lay anchored, all glowing with light. Away one side, I noticed a grave, corpulent and shadowy old gentleman, astride an elephant, smoking a pipe, and he pulled himself finally away into the heavens, and I have never seen him since a solemn warning to persons who use tobacco. Venison said : We had better hunt up our camping- ground, for his stomach was getting holler, and he wanted to fill it up. Below us, a sparkling stream put into the river. Just above it, a mile or so, lay a broad lake, which was fed from this sam,e stream it came in from the wilderness. We starti-d for this lake, and wound our way up this little crock THE BEAVEIIS. amid the struggling shafts of sun-light that hung over it. The water-fowl were hurrying past us, toward the same spot, to take up their night s lodging, and we drove flo, - them ahead as we crowded upon them. The dip of our oars echoed among the shadows. We reached our ground, unloaded our gear and prepared for the ni;: :. Venison directed Jim Buzzard to build a * stack" and gei supper. So, a pile of stone was laid up, with a flat one across the top, leaving a hole behind for the smoke to escape. Venison knocked over a gray duck on the lake with his rifle, and it was not long before we had four feet of pickerel and that self-same duck sprawled out on the hot stone, frying. Venison was rather gloomy. * This, 1 said he, l makes me think of times gone, I used to camp here all alone, years ago, when there war nt no settlers for miles. I used to catch .nd beaver and rat, and sleep out weeks to a time. But the beaver and otter are gone. 4 Beaver here ? inquired L Why not more n nor a mile or so up this creek, IVe killed piles on "em. Why, I seed a company on em, up there, once, of two or three hundred. They com d down one spring and cleared off acres of ground that had grown up to birch sap lings, that they wanted to build a dam with, and there they let the trees lie until August. Then they started to build their houses all over the low water in the mash great houses four or five feet through and they work d in com panies of four or five on a house till they got em done. You jist ought to see em carry mud and stones between their fore-paws and throat, and see em lay it down and slap it with their tails, like men who work with a trowel. 1 WoV.. s..i.i I, about those trees that they cleared off? When they g -ne, then they all jined in to build a dam, to raise up the water, so t would n t freeze up tht 78 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. doors of their houses. And then there was a time on t. You might see em by moonlight, pitching in the trees, and swim ming down the stream with em, and laying em in the cur rent of the creek, like so many boys. Pshaw ! said I. 4 Yes, sir ! I seed one night, a lot of beavers drawing one of the biggest trees they had cut. It was more n six inches through. They got it part over the bank, when it stuck fast. Jest the top of the tree was in the water, and there were four or five on em sousing round in the water, pulling this way and that, and as many more on the bank jerking at it, until bym-bye, it went in ker-swash ; the beavers all took hold on t, then, and towed it to the dam. And so they really built a dam ? A dam three feet high, and forty or fifty long all laid up with birch trees, and mud and stones, so tight, t ain t gone yet. The beaver have gone long ago, but the dam hain t. How did you catch em ? said I. * When the fur is good, in the winter, we jest went round with our ice-chisels and knocked their houses to pieces, when away they would go for their washes, as we used to call em, where we fastened em in and catch d em. Washes ? what are they ? inquired I. 4 Holes the beavers dig in the bank, partly under water where they can run in and breathe without being seen. Venison was going on to tell me how many beaver skins he got, but the duck and fish were done, and had been divid ed up by Jim Buzzard, and handsomely laid out on a piece ^>f clean bark, ready to eat. We ranged ourselves in a row, squat upon the ground like so many Turks, drew our hunting-knives, and went to work. I looked out upon the lake that lay like a looking-glass, draped with gauze, at my feet. Day was dying over it like CAMPING OUT. 79 a strain of music. One slender bar of light lay trembling along its eastern shore. By and by it crept up the bank ; from that to a mound behind, and from which it took a leap to a hill a mile distant, where it faded and faded into twi light. The water-fowl were screaming among the flags, and I noticed a belated hawk winging his way through the air on high, to his home in the forest. I could almost hear the winnowing of his wings in the silent sky. A chick-a-dee-dee came bobbing and winding down an oak near me, for the purpose of coaxing a supper. The trees began to assume un certain shapes the arms of the oaks stretched out longer and longer. The new moon grew brighter and brighter in the west. There it hung, looking down into the lake. The river sent up its hollow roar, the mists settled thicker and thicker, and solemn night at last came down over the wilder ness. After I had finished my watch of departing day, I looked around for my company. Jim had been stuffing himself for the last half hour, until he had grown as stupid as an over-fed anaconda. His jaws were moving very slowly over the bone of a duck his eyes were drowsy and every now and then, . he heaved a long-drawn sigh a kind of melancholy groan over his inability to eat any more. Venison said we must build up our night-fire to keep off the varmints, and accordingly we reared a pile of brush of logs, set it a-going, made up our bed of withered leaves, ranged ourselves in a circle with our feet turned to the blaze, and were soon lost In sleep. Morn broke over us lovely as ever. As the first gray streaks began to melt away, Venison roused up to get a deer for breakfast. We went out on to a run-way, hid our selves in the bushes, and soon a large buck, his antlers swung aloft, came snuffing and cracking along over the leaves, on 80 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PFOPLE. his way to the lake to take his morning drink. Pop ! and over he went, and soon his saddles were taken out and carried into camp, our stack started, and breakfast prepared. Another day was loitered away among the fish another day, beautiful as the last, we floated over the lake, and threaded the stream that poured into it. At night we found ourselves safely moored at Puddleford, our boat loaded with fish, and my soul filled with a thousand beautiful pictures of nature, that hang there winter and summer, as bright and lovely as life itself. EDUCATION AT THE WEST. 81 CHAPTER VL Educational Efforts Squire Longbow s Notis The Saterday Nite Ike and the Squire Various Remarks to the point Mrs. Fizzle and the Temperance Question Collection taken General Result. THERE has been much written in the world about the benefits of education. I am very sure that its importance was not overlooked in Puddleford. I cannot say that the village has ever produced giants in literature, but it has produced great men, comparatively speaking and judging, and very great, if we take the opinion of the Puddlefordians them selves. Some body once said * That in the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed are monarchs, and I suppose it was upon this principle, if we give the maxim a literal construc tion, that Squire Longbow, who had lost an eye, as the reap er may recollect, had become elevated to such a pitch among his neighbors. Education, in almost every western community, stands at about a certain level among the masses. That level changes with changing generations, but very seldom among individ uals of the same. I ought perhaps to exclude the Squire, who was an exception to all general rules, and would have undoubtedly distinguished himself .any where and under any circumstances. The children of the pioneer, or a portion of them, receive educational advantages, which had been de nied the father, and their children, still greater, until at last the polished statue rises out of the marble in the quarry. But, there were efforts making at Puddleford about the 4* 62 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. time I allude to, to increase the common stock of knowledge, and keep up the general reputation of Puddleford with that of the world, which ought not to pass unnoticed. One day in November, I discovered the following notice posted up in the streets, and nailed to several trees adjacent to the highways in the country : NOTTS To all it may kqnsarn men, wimmin, and their child ren. Whareas, edication, and knowlidg of all sorts, is very likely to run down in all knew countrys, owin to a great manny reasons that aint propper to go into this ere notis and whareas many of the habitants of Puddleford and the circumjacint country all round bout it, are in danger of suffering that way And whareas a few of us leading men have thot on the matter, and concluded that surnthing must very soon be did, or til be too late therefore a meeting will be held at the log-chapel next Saterday nite, to raise up the karacter of the people in this respect. (Signed.) SQUIRE LONGBOW and others. On the * Saterday nite, mentioned in the above notis, I attended at the log-chapel, for the purpose of raising up the karacter of the people. The gathering was large made up of men and women, and quite a number were in from the country. Squire Longbow, the Colonel, * Stub Bulli- phant the landlord of the Eagle, Ike Turtle the pettifogger, Sile Bates his opponent, Charity Beadle, Philista Filkins, Aunt Graves, * Sister Abigail, Sonora Brown, and a large number of others made up the meeting. It was very evi dent that something would be done. Pretty soon Ike Turtle rose, gave a loud rap with his fist on the side of the house, GETTING UNDER WAY. 83 and said it was high time this ere body came to order, and he would nominate Squire Longbow for President. You ve heerd the nomination, continued the Squire, rising slowly from his seat in another part of the house. * You who are in my favor say Aye ! 1 Aye ! exclaimed the house ! Clear vote no use in putting the noes, and Squire Longbow took his stand in the pulpit, and proceeded : Feller-citizens, ladies and gentlemen, all on you who are here, just keep still while I thank you. We have cum up here on a pretty big business neither more nor less than edication. P raps you do n t all on you know that edication makes every body and every thing it made our forefathers, it made some of us, and is a going to make our children, if we do our duty. You have made me President on this occasion, and it is my duty to thank you, and feller-citizens, you do n t, you can t, no man can tell how I feel when Here Ike Turtle rose : Squire Longbow, said Ike, ar n t it rather on-parliamentary to be speaking when you hain t got no secretary to take things down ? The Squire was thunderstruck. No secretary ! he ex claimed, no secretary ! all void ! but I 11 appoint Sile Bates secretary tunic pro nunck, (nunc pro tune) as we say in law, and that 11 save proceedings and as I was saying, contin ued the Squire, no man can tell how I feel, pressed down as I am with the responsibility that you have thrown on to me. The Squire then took his seat. Ike Turtle rose, again, to state the object of the meeting. He said * he was an old residenter, and he had in fact grown up with the country. He had seed every thing go ahead except edication. Taking out the President, ir.embers of 4 Jio larned professions, the school-master, and the man who 84 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. tended Clewes grocery, there war n t hardly a person of edication left. Now, continued Ike, warming up, * this should n t orter be we should all set about de-tar-mined to do something ( Amen ! groaned Father Beals.) Why, if it looks dark, feller citizens, remember the dark days of the revolution, when the soldiers went roaming about, with a piece of corn-bread in one hand, nothing in t other, with ragged uniforms on, and little or no breeches, yet all tha while busting with patriotism. Jest turn your eyes back wards on to them times, and you 11 think you re in paradise. Something s got to be did for edication. We Ve got to have a Lyceum, a library, and lecters on all the subjects of the day. (Here Aunt Graves gave a groan, as she expected all this would be accomplished by taxation.) Do n t groan over yender, exclaimed Ike, t aint right to groan at a new thing just a-starting might as well groan down a child for fear he would n t be a man. Yes, they must be had I say they must ! or we 11 all run to seed, and die. Why, Chris- tooher Columbus, men and women, how many on you do n t know your right hand from your left, scientifically speaking, and bym-bye we shall go to ruin as old Nineveh did. Mr. President, I move that a collection be taken for the gineral purposes of this meeting. I was a little puzzled to determine whether Ike was serious or not. With all his eccentricities, he was a good citizen, and always put his shoulder to the public wheel. When he made his motion to take up a collection, a dead calm fell upon the audience. After a few moments, Sile Bates rose, and said He * hoped this spectable meeting war n t going to Peter- out, The calm continued. Squire Longbow stepped forward LECTURES PROPOSED 85 from his seat in the pulpit, and remarked : * That he could n t see what difference it would make a thousand years hence whether they did any thing, or whether they did n t. A. man from the country did n t know what money had to do with edication. The Colonel said his pockets were as dry as a powder- house. One old lady thought some body d have to sign for her fore spring. Aunt Graves thought that poor folks, who liv d on bil d vittels, had n t orter be called on. The hat was, however, passed around, and three dollars and seventy-five cents raised, * for the general purposes of the meeting, according to Ike s motion ; and I will say here that this amount was appropriated toward the purchase of books for the Puddleford library, which was established at this meeting, and which has now grown into usefulness and importance. The hat was reached up to the secretary, who gave it a couple of shakes, declaring at the same time, that he was happy to say that the public spirit of Puddleford hadn t gin out yet. Squire Longbow then rose and said : That some plan must be laid to get up a set of lecters. There were three great sciences, law, preaching, and physic law consarned property, physic consarned the body, and preaching consarned the soul. These sciences must be scattered, so every body could enjoy em. He could talk on law himself, and Bigelow could on preaching, and physic was understood, any way. There were other subjects which would come up in their order. There was paintin , and poetry, and music but them war n t of no account in a new country where money was skase. Politics was one of the uncertain sciences, and 80 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. it did n t do much good to speak on t, any how. A feller might study and study, and jest likely as not the next elec tion would blow him into fiddle-strings. Yet politics had got to be had, cause that was what kept the country alive, and made liberty grow. Old Gineral Washington himself had a little on t. He said t was one etarnal job to start edication, but jist get the thing a-goin once, and it 11 move off like ile it 11 run rite off like a steam ingin. Ike said he know d a curtain lecter or two might be had, looking round at Stub Bulliphant. They war n t the worst kind nother. They d bring a man all up standing, when nothing else would. He d seen a fellow cave right in under one on em, and come out as cow d as a whipt spaniel. About lectering on politics, he did n t know. He guessed the bushes were a little too thick to talk on that, yet. He hoped the meetin would speak right out, and spress their feelings , wimmin and all. Old Mrs. Fizzle had been watching the movement of this august body for some time, and had thought, several times, that it was her duty to speak. When Ike, therefore, invited * women and all, she concluded to try it. She was a tall, weazel-faced looking person, and belonged to Bigelow s church. She was an out-and-out temperance woman, and had kept all Puddleford hot by her efforts to put down the sale of intoxicating drinks. She was a fiery, nervous, active, good sort of a woman. Mrs. Fizzle rose. She said she thought she would give this meeting a piece of her mind, consarnin things in general. She did n t know but the meetin was well enough she lik d meetins she said she did n t care nothin about politics, never did her any good as she know d on she did n t warnt to hear any lecters any way bout that. If some on em would talk bout tem perance, she d turn out, and give a little something to help MRS. FIZZLE. 87 the cause along. She said if she really thought that this meeting could stop Clewes from selling licker, she d tend it reg lar. Certainly, ma am, said Ike, rising, and turning his eyes toward Mrs. Fizzle. We 11 put a Aabus corpus on to him fore breakfast to-morrow morning. Mrs. Fizzle said, she did n t know what that was, and she did n t care much, if twould only hold him tight. Ike said, it would hold him couldn t break it no how it was made by the law to catch just such chaps with. * Wai, said Mrs. Fizzle, if the law made it, I m fraid on t. I ve hearn tell how folks creep through holes the law leaves. I do n t like your corpus, as you call it. Squire Longbow rose. * He felt it his duty to say, that a writ of habus scorpus would hold any thing on airth. It was one of the biggest writs in all nater. He could hold all Clewes grocery with one on em. He felt it his duty fur ther to say this as a magistrate, who was bound by his oath to take care of the law. Mrs. Fizzle thought that would do. She had great spect for the Squire s opinion and she now thought she d go in for the meetin. Sile Bates said, For his part, he thought the meetin was getting a good deal mixed. Every tub orter stand on its own bottom, as the Apostle Paul, Shakspeare, John Bunyan or some other person said. We can t do every thing all at onst ; if we try, we can t make the Millennium come until t is time for t. We can kinder straighten up matters hold on to the public morals a little more and give edication a punch ahead. But who knows any thing about the sciences in Puddlelbrd ? and who can lecter ? * When the blind lead the blind, as the newspapers say, they all go head over heels into the ditch. Great Caesajr Augustus, Mr. President, jist 88 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. think of a Jecter on stronomy, that etarnal science, which no man can lay his hands on, which the human intellect gets at by figuring. Just think of Bigelow Van Slyck, Ike Turtle, or you, Mr. President, measuring the distance to the stars. Don t it make your head swim, to think on t ? He would n t say that the Squire could n t lay down the law for the people, cause he made most on t, and ought to know it by heart. (The Squire gave a loud cough, and straightened himself in his seat.) As for lickeiv he always was agin it, that is, he never touch d it except in haying, harvesting, husking, .and occasionally, a little along, between, when he didn t feel right. He s posed he was a strict temperance man was secretary of a teetotal society once, but it died out for want of funds to keep up lights and fires. He hop d this meetin would n t get so much on its shoulders, as to break down fore it got started. There were several more speeches and suggestions made. There were two or three on the floor at once, several times during the progress of business. Order was out of the question. A course of lectures was finally decided upon, and the meeting adjourned. The reader will not forget that the end had in view by this rough, deliberate body was noble ; and, in their own way, they moved along steadily to ward it. Such a people do not forget their duty, however ludicrously the discharge of it may be at first. Looking back from the present, over a period of ten years, at the proceedings of this meeting and its results, I feel quite disposed to write down Squire Longbow, Tke Turtle, and Sile Bates, among the philanthropists of the age. \ SOME OF THE OLD SETTLERS. CHAPTER VII. Social "War Longbow, Turtle & Co. Bird, Swipes, Beagle & Co. Mrs. Bird Mrs. Beagle Mrs. Swipes Turkey and Aristocracy Scandal Huskiiig-bees, and such like the Calathumpian Band the Horse-fiddle the Giant Trombone the Gyastacutas Tuning up Unparalleled Effort Puddleford still a representative place. I HAVE taken the liberty, in the preceding chapters, to speak freely of some of the leading characters of Puddleford. I have alluded to Longbow, Turtle, and Bigelow, not be cause they were the only people of the village, or the best ; but because they were the rudder of society, and steered it along in the same way that ships are guided over stormy waters. Now, there were a great many more very excellent folks, who helped chink in and fill up around these more im portant personages, and make up a harmonious whole. Zeke Bird, the blacksmith, was one ; Tom Beagle, the shoemaker, another ; Lem. Swipes, the tailor, still another. These men were among the first settlers of Puddleford, and had done as much toward its up-building as any other. They had immigrated from a place in Ohio, and consequently knew something about the world. All three families were eousius, or second cousins, to one another, and they acted in unison upon any public or social question. They hated, with a supreme hatred, Longbow, Turtle <fe Co., because they were aristocrats. Mrs. Bird, who was a very impulsive, peak-nosed sort of a woman, and who al ways wore a red flannel petticoat protruding beyond her 90 PUDDDEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. dress, and her shoes slip-shod, used to often say, that if there was any thing she did despise it was a stick-up. She did n t believe old Mrs. Longbow, or any of her darters were any bettor than common folks ; and she d see the whole pack on em pumpin lightning at two cents a clap, before she d skrouch to em ! Mrs. Beagle was quite a different body. She was not so full of fire and fury as Mrs. Bird. She did n t allow her feelings to get the advantage of her malice. She moved more underground ; yet she was always busy pecking away at that up-street cjique, as she called them. Mrs. Beagle was a neat, tidy body, and wore an air of great sincerity about her face. She used to say that * no thing grieved her so much as to be compelled to believe any thing bad bout her neighbors, and that she never spoke of nothing till it got all over, and there war n t no use of hold ing in any longer. She made it her business to watch the morals and religion of all the Longbows, and Turtleses, and Bateses, and report accordingly. She said she did n t know but it was all right for a member of the Methodist church, like Miss Lavinia Turtle, to wear three bows to her bonnet on Sunday she didn t know she warn t going to say haps she had n t orter say but the way she looked at religion t was as wicked as Cain for herself, she made no preten sions, but when folks did, she wanted to see em lived up to. She said, * she meant to have Mrs. Bates turned out of the church for riding out on Sunday, for she d seen her several times with her own eyes, six miles from town ; but she would n t speak of it, if it wa n t such a scandal on her pro fession ; besides, she had it from good authority, that she water d her milk fore she sold it, but she would n t say who told her, cause she promised not to. Mrs. Swipes was a fat, blouzy-faced, coarse, ignorant wo- CLIQUES AND CENTRES 91 man, and ^evenged herself by firing bomb-shells into the aristocratic camp every opportunity she could get, and cared but little what she said, or whom she hit, if she could only keep the enemy stirred up. She d heard that Mrs. Long bow s father got into jail once down in Pennsylvania, and that the hull batch on em were as poor as Job s turkey ; and that the old Squire himself had a pretty tight nip on t ; but his friends bailed him out, and he lean d for the west. As for Mrs. Bates, she knew she d lie, right flat out she d catch d her dozens of times ; and, of course, Lavinia could n t be any better for as the old cock crows, the young one learns. She would n t swap characters with any on em, not she. The husbands of these ladies thought just about as much of Longbow & Co. as their wives did. They were an indolent trio, and labored only enough to keep soul and body together. The rest of their time was devoted to the Eagle tavern, street-lounging, and commentaries upon the daily developments of the aristocracy. Each one of the families of these, cliques were social centres, around which others revolved, and drew all their light and heat. And then there were still other families, away down below the Birds and Beagles in the scale of respectability, who were ever warring upon them, proving " That fleas have other fleas to bite em, Aud so on, ad infinitum." I recollect attending a party one evening during the win ter, at Bird s, when the aristocracy took a regular broadside .fire. It seemed that Longbow, some days previous, had a turkey on his table for dinner, which roused up all the wrath of his adversaries. Mrs. Bird said, she really s posed that he thought poor people could n t have such things 32 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. but she d let him know she d lived on turkeys before he ever know d there was such a thing and she had good sass with era too. Mrs. Longbow, she said, cooked it for nothing in the world, but to make her knuckle to her ; but she d never give in as long as she drew the breath of life that she would n t ! Mrs. Sonora Brown said, that warn t all Longbow had bo t a bran new carpet for down-stairs, and used sales-mo lasses for common, envy most every day and the dark in Clewes grocery had got a goin arter Lavinny every night and Mrs. Longbow had got mift at Mrs. Weazel, because Weazel said he would n t stand any more of Longbow s decisions and they d got a burning sperm ile in the house instead-er taller and they were a puttin on the drefulest sight of airs, old woman and all, that ever was seen. Mrs. Beagle said it was all true about the ile she see d it burn through the winder and she d seen a great many more things through the winder, but she warn t a going to tell what they were ! Mrs. Sonora Brown threw up her hands in horror, and said, she had always suspected it, but dars n t say so. Oh, shaw ! exclaimed Mrs. Beagle ; that s nothing to Bates wife ; she walks out arm-in-arm in broad daylight with her cousin that s been sneaking round there on a visit. She said, Puddleford used to be a spectable village, but there warn t any morals any more since these high-flyers had got into it and she guess d Bates wife was flaring out, and trading at the stores as much as Longbow. Mr. Bird very grumly said, he d better hold in, for if ho did n t hist a little note he had again him fore long, he d sue him to judgment, and level an execution on every thing he had, and clean him out. A yellow-looking woman, who sat in the corner, and who COUNTRY AMUSEMENTS. 93 had just before remarked that * she d had the shakin ager onto her all winter, wanted to know if the new merchant was going to jine the upper crust, or be one of our folks. It was not long, however, before all were rattling away together, so that nothing but the emphatic words could be distinguished. Artillery, fire-arms, and all, were blazing. Such a scorching as the aristocracy received had hardly ever been equalled. Longbow & Co. did not care for their enemies. They rather felt proud of the notice bestowed upon them. Ike Turtle used to say, "twas fun to stand and take the fire of fools; but Squire Longbow s dignity was so profound, that he never permitted himself to know that there was really any war going on. Society in the country, among the farmers, was quite another thing. Puddleford village had a countiy, and vil lage pride looked down upon it, just as it does in larger places. The amusements and frolics of ihe country were more simple and hearty. In the winter, husking-bees, apple- parings, and house-warmings were held every week at some of the farm-houses. Great piles of corn were stacked up in barn, the girls and boys invited in for miles around, long poles run through, strung with lanterns, and the husking rushed through, mid songs and jokes. Then all hands ad journed to the house, and drank hot stuff, eat nuts, and played games, and stormed around, until they started the very shingles on the roof; while the great fire-place, piled up with logs into the very throat of the chimney shook its shadows around the room in defiance of the winds that roared without. Now and then, the country quality held a regular blow out at Bulliphant s tavern. On these occasions, dancing commenced at two in the afternoon, and ended at day-light 94 PUDDLEFORD A.ND ITS PEOPLE. next morning. Dry goods and perfumery suffered about those days. The girls and boys dressed their hair with oil of cinnamon and wintergreen, and the Eagle smelt like an essence shop. It fairly overpowered the stench of Bulli- phant s whiskey-bottles. Every one rigged out to within an inch of their lives. The girls wore ruffles on their panta lettes frizzled down over their shoes, nearly concealing the whole foot ; and all kinds and colors of ribbons streamed from their heads and waists. The boys mounted shirt- collars without regard to expense, and flaunted out their brass breast-pins, two or more to each, with several feet of watch-chain jingling in front. The landlord of the Eagle termed these gatherings his winter harvest. Another amusement, frequent in the country, was the turn out of the Calathumpian Band. The band, I am aware, did not originate with Puddleford. Newly-married couples were serenaded before it ever had an existence there. But this band was one of the very finest specimens. No one knew exactly who its members were ; but they were always on hand, soon after a wedding, in full uniform, with all their instruments in order. It was organized when the country was very new, and was, at the period I refer to, in the high est state of prosperity. One of its instruments was called the horse-fiddle; another the giant trombone; another the gyastacutas. The * horse-fiddle was two enormous bows, made of hoops., heavily stringed and rosined, with a beef-bladder, fully in flated, pushed between the string and the bow. The great trombone was a dry-goods box, turned bottom-side up, and was played upon with a scantling eight or ten feet long. The edge of the box and the scantling were rosined, and it was worked by two men sawing up and down. The gyas- tactitas was a nail-keg, with a raw hide strained over it, like THE CALATHUMPIAN BAND. 95 a drum-head, and inside of the keg, attached to the centre of this drum-head, a string hung, with which this instrument was worked by pulling in the string and * let fly. Besides all these, the band were supplied with dinner-horns, conch- shells, sleigh-bells, and sometimes guns and pistols. It assembled, usually about eleven o clock at night, around the quarters of the newly-married couple, and within a day or two after marriage. Its members were dressed up like an army of scare-crows. Some wore their shirts outside, some their coats and vests buttoned behind, and some were attired in female dress. Its leader marched and countermarched this strange medley, and announced and conducted all the music. The band never moved without orders it was thoroughly disciplined. The instruments were first put in tune. The trombone gave out a low and heavy growl the gyastacutas, a bung ! the horse- fiddle sullenly replied a chink-chink from a few pairs of bells, and a toot-e-toot from the horns and shells, showed the blast was near at hand. And such a blast. The infernal regions could not equal it. It roared and echoed for miles around. It fairly tore out the inside of one s head. The cows bellowed and the dogs barked, honestly believing that the dissolution of all things was at hand. The whole surrounding population roused up, for no person pretended to sleep when the Great Calathurnp- ian Band was assembled. The reader must not suppose that this band was a mere congregation of boys. Not by any means ; it was one of the institutions of the country one of the public amusements of the day, and was patronized by young and old. Men had Hved and died members of the Calathumpian Band, and are remembered in Puddleford for this, if nothing else. It is said that the songs and the amusements of a people 96 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. determine their character. If this be true, the reader can judge something of the country population about Puddle- ford from the little sketch I have given of them. The amusements of the villagers themselves were quite mis cellaneous. The aristocracy, as Bird & Co. termed them, gathered every night at the Eagle, where they played cards, checkers, back-gammon, made bets, discussed the affairs of the nation and the private affairs of their neighbors, drank a little whiskey, and went home at eleven or twelve o clock deeply impressed with their own importance. Bulliphant s bar-room was their centre of gravity, and it was a matter of deep concern, if any member of the club was not found in his accustomed place. Longbow, Turtle and Bates had actually unseated several pairs of paiftaloons on the land lord s chairs, which proved clearly enough that they were faithful members. Important business was transacted by this club. It made all the justices of the peace, constables, school inspectors, &c., &c., and was a controlling clique, in all political matters, within the township. The reader discerns that Puddleford, in most respects, was like other places. It had its divisions in society, its im portance, its pomp and show, and relatively speaking, its aristocracy. It played through the same farce in a small way that larger, places do on a more extended plan. Long bow felt just as omnipotent, walking up and down the streets of Puddleford, as the tallest grandee treading a city pave ment. The scale of greatness was not as long in his village, but he stood as high on it as any other man in the world on his and so long as he headed his own scale, it mattered but little to him where the * rest of mankind were. It must have been a very remarkable character who once said, * human nature is always the same that the only di PUDDLEFORD AND HUMAN NATURE. 97 ference in human pride and folly is one of degree. And I really hope there are none of my readers who feel disposed to look down upon Puddleford with contempt, because I have presented a few personages who have innocently carica tured what others daily practice, who have been polished in the very laboratory of fashion. Puddleford ought not, for that reason, to be condemned. It seems to me that it may, on the contrary, be a lesson to such, because it makes a bur lesque of itself in chasing folly. Puddleford is a great looking-glass, which reflects the faces of almost every person who looks into it, and proves, what that remarkable charac ter said, that human nature is always the same. 93 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE CHAPTER VIII. Puddleford and Politics Higgins against Wiggins the Candidates Personale Their Platforms Delicate Questions Stump-speak ing Wiggins on Higgins Impertinent Interruptions Higging on Wiggins Ike Turtle not dead yet Commotion Squire Longbow restores order Grand Stroke of Policy The Roast Ox at Gillett s Corners. PUDDLEFORD was famous for its political excitements, and so indeed is a new country generally. Its people watched the altar of liberty with an eternal vigilance. The quali fications of all persons, from a candidate for the presidency down to township constable, were thoroughly canvassed by the electors. What might be a qualification for office in Puddleford, might disqualify in another region, but we can not expect that all men will think alike. We must not for get that office meant something in Puddleford that it con ferred honor on the man, whether the man conferred honor on it or not. A highway commissioner, or overseer of the poor was a character looked up to, and a supervisor or justice were the oracles of their neighborhood. The merits and demerits of candidates were freely dis cussed at public meetings, held most usually in the open air, and composed of all parties. Aspirants for public favor, who were opposed to each other, met and made and answered arguments. All things in the heavens above and the earth beneath, were raked up and presented at these gatherings. The creation of the world Adam and Eve Cain Jerusalem Greece and Rome the Revolution, WIGGINS AND H1GGINS. 99 and the Last War, were dragged into speeches, and made material for electioneering. In the fall, subsequently to my settlement, Higgins run against Wiggins for member of the Legislature. It was said that this was one of the most exciting contests that Puddleford ever experienced. Every man, woman, and child were enlisted. The Higgins men didn t speak to the Wiggins men, nor the Wiggins men to the Higgins men, for more than two months, and the opposing families absolutely refused to visit. Wiggins was a little, waspish man, who lived in the coun try, and was called a forehanded farmer. He had been a justice of the peace in Cattaraugus county, State of New- York, and thought as much of himself as he did of any other person living. He had a small, withered face, which looked like a frost-bitten apple, red hair, and a quick, rest less eye. He was a violent politician, a shrewd manager, had a keen insight of human nature, some humor, and was and always had been a red-hot democrat. He rafted lum ber for several years on the Susquehanna, where he re ceived the greatest part of his education. He could write his name, and had been known to attempt a letter, but no one was ever yet found who could read his correspond ence. His orthography was decidedly bad. He spelled in a sort of short-hand way, which was not so objectionable, after all, as his language usually conveyed the pronunciation of the words intended. II was used for ile j or oil ; * hos stood for horse ; kanderdit for ofis, for * candidate for office, and so on. His extemporaneous speaking was quite tolerable, and it was this gift which had given him notoriety. Higgins was a man much after the sort of Wiggins, in many respects, though not altogether. He was a violent 100 FUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. whig, and talked incessantly about his glorious party.* He was a large, tall, broad-breasted fellow, ignorant, cunning, and cut something of a swagger wherever he went. He drank whiskey, chewed a paper of fine-cut every day, read the newspapers, cursed the locofocos, prognosticated the downfall of the country, and pledged himself to die game, let what would happen. These candidates for office had a platform, a part of which was intended for Puddleford, and a part for their com mon country some planks of which were thrown in merely to catch votes, and some for future fame. Wiggins said he was for giving immortal man full swing inter all things, and letting his natur ily loose like the winds ! He was for driving the American eagle inter every land, whether she d go or not. He was * for a railroad and canal straight thro Puddleford, to be built by the State, under the penalty of a revolution. He was agin rich men every where, for they trampled down the poor. He was * for upsetting Longbow and his clique, and declared he would bring in a bill, if elected, that would blow the whole set out of sight. He was for easy times, plenty of cash, little or no work/ * good crops, and every thing else the people wanted. Higgins was for breaking down, and scat ring loco-focos every where. He went for every thing that s right, and again every thing that s wrong. He was for beating Wig gins. He could show that he had n t patriotism enough to keep the breath warm in a four year old child 1 there war n t a spark of American glory in him. He wanted to sell out the whole country to the British, and would if elected ! Beside, he kicked up a fuss in Bigelow s church, about the doctrines preached, and damaged religion. Higgins, it seemed to me, based his success upon the supposed unpopularity of Wiggins, and not upon any political principles of his own, THE GROVE MEETING. ,, " 101 while Wiggins relied upon the great fundamental It liths that were shadowed forth in his platform. There were other questions which agitated the populace of Puddleford, and its county, such as the sale of liquor, the removal of the Indians, <fec., &c., which both Higgins and Wiggins touched very tenderly, because it became necessary to advocate both sides, sometimes for and sometimes against, according to the views of those persons who happened at the time to be soliciting information. During the fall, I had the pleasure of hearing these two rival aspirants for office define their position before the peo ple. The gathering was in a grove, very large for a new country, and made up of men, women, and children. Flags and inscriptions were flying here and there, some for Higgins and some for Wiggins, and every person was as brimful of patriotism as he could hold. Wiggins rose, and presented himself on a high platform that had been erected for the occasion, pulled up his collar, buttoned his coat, coughed a few times, and then took a leisurely survey of the crowd. * Feller citizens ! men and women ! said he, there is going to be an election, and I m a-going to run for office. Not that I care any thing about the office itself, for I do nt, a tinker s ladle, but I wan t to beat Higgins, who never ought to be trusted with the liberties of any people, and I m willing to sacrifice some thing to do it. Feller citizens ! I wan t to have y^u recollect where Biggins lives at Satan s-Half acre ! where they don t have any fourth of July ; no Sunday-school, only about two months a year; and the same place, feller citizens, where they mobbed the temperance lecturer, and swore they d drink streak-lightning if they were a-min-to ! (Great applause, and cheers for Wiggins, mingled with oaths and hisses from Hig gins friends.) Feller citizens, Higgins is a leading man there, 102 FUIYOLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. * V- ** : ^ ^ "*" and accountable for all this ; and if he is elected, we sliall indorse all these doings (a man from the * Half-acre, one of Higgins friends, rose, and said he d take the liberty of saying that was an in/arnal lie/) Wiggins replied, by in quiring if the meeting would see free discussion gagged down, here, in the presence of the immortal Washington, who, he hoped, was looking down on-to us 1 whereupon the unfortunate man was pitched, headlong, out of the crowd. 4 Arter having looked at where Higgins lives, continued Wiggins, look at Higgins himself! what is he? what does he know ? what can he do I Why, feller citizens, he was born down somewhere in a place so small, that it ain r t on the map, and started life by tending a lime-kiln ; but he broke down in this business, and was discharged. He. next tried to go to school, but there warn t any class low down enough to get him into. He then tried boss Moot ring, and you, feller citizens, know when a man turns out good-for-nothing, he goes rite into the lamed professions. He tried hoss-doct ring ! and, after laying out ten or a dozen of those noble animals, inter the cold embrace of death, (Applause) he ran away to get rid of a summons that was clus arter him ! Then he fid dled for a while winters, and laid off summers ; then he druv stage, then he got-tor-be captain of a raft, his first office, but he stranded her, and she s never been got off yet. At last, he went to Satan s Half-acre, where he thinks he ain t known, and actually, feller citizens, has the impudence to come up for office. (Great Applause.) 4 Xow, continued Wiggins, having disposed of Higgins, I am going to launch out on the great political questions of the day questions that swell up in me, and fairly make me tremble all over, to think on. We Ve a mighty sight to do, to take care of them liberties that was queathed to us by fien ral Washington, j^st before he died. The old hero THE FIRST AND SECOND WHIGS. 103 know d he was a-going, but afore lie went, he give us our liberty, and said all that he asked on us, was to take care on it, and not let any body steal or coax it away from us, but always hold on to it like a dog to a root. If it had nt been for our party, exclaimed Wiggins, in a loud voice, that great American eagle that has flew d so long, and kivered our juvenil years with his wings that eagle, feller citi zens, that sleeps on the ragin tornado, and warms himself in the sun that eagle, I say that eagle ! eagle ! would now be as dead as a smelt, lying on his back, a-groaning for help. (Great applause, and three cheers.) (Wiggins said he hoped the audience would hold in their manifestations of applause, as much as they could, as it scattered his thoughts.) The fust whig, continued Wiggins, * that we have any nods on in his try, is the old feller with tail and horns, who goes to and fro, up and down the airth ; and he, you know, stole all-er Job s property, killed off his children, and came pretty near killing the old man himself. The next was John Adams, who did n t want any body to come into the country, nor say nothing after they had got here. He, feller citizens, was for exploding all the glories of natur, and drying up the e/ar- nal fountains of hope and consolation for turning man back again into the regions of confusion, where all is night and misery ! (Very great applause, followed by a flight of hats in the air.) The next whig, was every body that sup ported old John, such as Higgins and his party. * Now, feller citizens, what s the reason you ham t got any more money ? It s because the laws ain t right. Man was born to have enough of every thing. This is a big world we live in it ram fys itself all round the quator, and its mountains diversify themselves into infinity. You own your part on t just as much as the greatest nabob ; and all you Ve got to do is to stand up to 104 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. the rack, vote for true men, and you 11 get it ; and it s your duty to rise in your wrath, break the chains of oppression, and declare that you 11 never lay down the sword until the last enemy is routed. (More applause.) Ilere a solemn-faced man rose, and asked Wiggins to define himself on the licker question. * Thank you, sir, replied Wiggins was just comiu to that. * The licker question the licker question, continued Wiggins, speaking with gravity, for there was a great division of opinion among his hearers on that subject the licker question, feller citizens, is a great question. Some people drink, some don t some drink a little, some a good deal. The licker question is a question that a great many folks talk about. / talk about it myself, and (the same man rose again, and ask d Wiggins if he would vote agin licker? Wiggins said it throw d him off his balance, to be disturb d in public speaking ) every body know d how he stood on that pint he d never chang d ; he stood where his forefathers did ; he went the whole hog on tho licker question ( which side ? inquired the man) which side? which side? ejaculated Wiggins do you want-er trammel up a free and independent citizen of this mighty republic ! How do I know, here, what I shall be called upon to vote for or agin ! Ask me to say I 11 vote again some thing that bain t come up yet ! When David knocked over the great giant Goliah, do you spose he knew just where be d throw the stone to bit him ( yes-sir-ee, exclaimed Higgins, springing on bis feet, he did that very thing. ) Wiggins hoped order would be preserved. I shall leave to the expansive development of the times, continued Wiggins, his arms flying like a windmill, the blazing energies of the day, and cling to the constitution till it goes out inter the ex piring regions of oblivion. (Three cheers were given.) Wiggins sat down, evidently quite exhausted ; and T GENTLE SPARRING. 105 noticed that he had made a decided impression. Higgins rose, stripped off his coat and vest, rolled up his shirt-sleeve, stuffed a quarter-paper of tobacco into his cheek, and 1 ascended the platform. He said he was a humble citizen, and war nt com M of rich or lamed folks he hod tended lime-kiln he had doctor d hosses he had druv stage; and he was goin to drive and doctor a jackass. (Much cheering.) He had always worked for his living. He d give five dollars to any man who d tell him where Wiggins was born, or show that he ever did any thing. He lived on the sweat, and the blood, and the brains of the peo ple. He d tended grocery, peddled calickers, try d to talk law once, and was now on a farm, just for appearance sake. For himself, he was a humble link in the great whig chain. ( Ike Turtle said he sposed he was that link called the swivel.) Higgins, with an affected pleasantry, asked Turtle how long it was since he run d away from the State of New- York, for debt 1 Turtle replied, that Wiggins ought to know, for he was along with him whereupon, a tremendous shout was raised in favor of Turtle. Higgins rallied and proceeded. He said * he war n t goin to talk about the devil, and John Adams he did n t know nothing about either on em it was entirely agin his religion to speak of such things be fore such a spectable audience. (Some sensation.) What he wanted to do was, to carry the great, e&zr-nal, glorious, principles of his party rite strait inter every mortal being, and save the country, which now lies bleeding at its last gasp.* (Ike asked Higgins to throw him down a bundle of them principles, and if they suited him, he d take a few. ) Somebody told Turtle to sit down, whereupon Turtle appealed to the crowd, and inquired if they d see a citizen gagged down. (No ! no ! was l he reply.) 5* 106 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Higgins went on. He said Wiggins war n t so near straight on the licker question as his yaller dog at hum, for his dog never got drunk, and Wiggins did, sometimes. ( That s a lie ! exclaimed Wiggins.) Of course he 11 deny it, feller citizens I would, if I was in his place but I, feller citizens, without fear of man ; not caring about an election, step forth, and say to you all, in the full blaze of day, that I ll do all for the cause that lies in my power, having in view the interests of every body in this republic. (Ap plause.) Higgins said that he was sorry to see such a man as Wiggins trying to quote Scripter to this audience a man, feller citizens, is Wiggins who don t know whether David was the son of Goliah, or Goliah the son of David a man who do n t know whether Paul wrote the book of Genesis, or Genesis the book of Paul a swearin man, feller citi zens ; and yet, he talks about Goliah throwing stones at David. (Wiggins wished to correct Higgins it was the other way David threw the stone at Goliah.) *Howsom~ ever, continued Higgins, he talks about the stones beinf thrown, and uses the Scripters in this wav ; and arn t it a vile way, feller citizens, to catch your votes to run himself into the legislator with, where he can knock over the liberties of the country, and make the green fields a howlin waste agin ! (This was followed by very great applause.) After the applause ceased, Ike Turtle rose, with gravity, and reaching forth a bottle toward Higgins, inquired if 4 he would n t have a little, as natur couldn t bear up long undei such rackin thoughts. Higgins said he did n t believe this free and highly moral and religus audience would long stand a party who d throw a jug of licker inter their faces. IKE ON HAND, 107 Turtle replied that it was a mere experiment. He bro t it on purpos to see if there was any place were "Wiggins would n t drink. (This raised a shout.) Wiggins retorted by saying that he never had made a walking grocery of himself. (Much laughter.) Turtle didn t know about that if he did he carried it inside? The whole meeting finally got into a commotion, each party taking sides. Squire Longbow set up a hue and cry, In the name of the People of and order was re stored. I heard him say, after the crowd had become quiet, that the constitution guaranteed talking, and altho he was on t o ther side in politics, he must say, as a magistrate, that it guaranteed Higgins the floor, as the great Story decided in his chapter on Rows and Mobs. Higgins bowed to Squire Longbow, and proceeded. I m not goin to say much more, and, finally, feller citizens, he continued, I won t say any more. The audience is so intel ligent, understand so well all the principles of gov-ment, from Noah s family that sailed inter the ark, down to the remotest possibility of futer gen rations have so weigh d every thing longing to em, before the morning stars sang, and dirgested it by piece-meal that it would be an everlasting insult for me to attempt to talk furder and in conclusion I will say: Three cheers for the dying heroes who got our freedom, and who now lie a-sleeping on the shores of glory ! (Tremen dous applause, accompanied by cheers and swinging of hats.) I have given, I believe, the substance of the first two speeches, but these were only introductory to those that fol lowed. It was expected, when the meeting opened, that the speaking would occupy most of the day, and the specimens which I have reported, were merely straws thrown out to de termine which way the wind blew. The real questions 108 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. at issue were dexterously dodged by sallies of wit, and flighta of unmeaning bombast. Wiggins mounted the stand again, and spoke for an hour. He told a large number of humorous stones, and turned their point against Higgins then he sailed away into the clouds astride a burst of nonsense then he came down again. At one time, while Wiggins was cavorting in the upper regions, as Turtle, called it, Sile Bates, who was a whig, started to his feet, and placing his closed hand to one eye, and cocking the other, he stared away after him, as earnestly as if he were just passing out of sight. Higgins followed, and the speak ing was kept up, alternately, until about four o clock in the afternoon, when the meeting closed, without either Iliggins or Wiggins defining their position, or saying one word indi cative of their future political course. Just as the meeting closed, Ike Turtle, who was the real political manager on the part of the democratic party, rushed up to the speaker s stand, and swinging his hat round, cried out at the top of his lungs : Feller citizens ! The democratic party knowin that the speaking would last a good while, and that natur might become exhausted in listenin and tending to the duties of our common country, have pre pared a roasted ox, down at Gillett s Corners, with all the fixiris , where we want you all to go, whigs and democrats both Higgins and Wiggins, and particularly the ladies, who have turned out so nobly and the young folks can have a dance in the evening, if they wish. Here was a stroke of management worth all the speeches of the day. No one suspected that there was a dinner in preparation, and when Ike made the announcement, there was a shout that came from the heart, and made the woods ring. And the meeting adjourned to Gillett s Corners. GRATIFYING RESULT. 109 Several other public political gatherings were held, and a very large amount of breath, time, and eloquence were ex pended ; but the result was the election of Wiggins by a tre mendous majority, and I do not now recollect of hearing of an allusion, by him, in the legislature, to any of those lead ing measures, that occupied his thoughts on the stump. I believe, after all, that the county was very well represent- ted. Wiggins used about as much gas and deception in se curing his seat as a New-York politician, but not any more ; but after he had obtained it, he felt and acted like a repre sentative of the people, who had a reputation of his own to sustain. When I say well represented, I mean that he did no harm nor any good either but always voted right on party questions, because his name began with a W, and was nearly the last called If it had begun with A, he would have mined himself, and perhaps his country so true it is that a nan s fame or infamy may hang by a single thread. 110 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER IX. Winter upon us The Roosters in the early morning The Blue- jays and the Squirrels The Improvident Turkey The Domestic Hearth, and who occupied it The Old Dog The Blessed Old Mail-Horse The Newspapers Our Come-to-tea Mrs. Brown, her Arrival and Experiences Entree of Bird, Beagles & Co. Conflicting Elements, and how Ike Turtle assimilated all Gratifying Consequences. MY little family, that I have spoken of, were quietly nest led away in the log hut, and winter was now upon us. The days came and went, and were marked by light and dark ness, and our own domestic joys. There were no startling events to disturb any person s serenity no rise or fall of stocks no fires no crashes in business no downfall of pride no bustle in the streets about the latest news no nothing. The world moved on as monotonous as the tick- tick of a clock. The gray of each morning was first heralded by a famous rooster, which I had imported from the east. He blew his clarion voice at about four, and I used to lie and hear its echoes wander away off through the streets of Puddleford, until they finally expired in the wilderness. He was usually answered by some half-awakened cock, whose drowsy smoth ered crow was quite ludicrous. Then he would give another blast and get, usually, a snappish answer from some quar ter, saying as well as it could be said Well, I know it what of it ? Pretty soon, a braggadocio fellow would belch forth in a coarse, sullen strain I Ve been-up-these- THE BIRDS. Ill . two-hours. 1 This was followed, often, by the cracked voice of some nervous old fellow, away in another direction, de claring, I rather guess you A a i n <. And co one after another, strain was added to strain, until the whole orchestra were blowing their horns in the face of opening day. At sunrise, the blue-jays and other birds gathered about the door and garden, to pick the dry seeds that the weeds were shedding on the earth. What are snow-birds ? Where do they live ? See them chirping in yonder ray of sunlight darting hither and thither, like motes in a beam of light. See them go whirling through the tempest, like angel spirits, beautiful in the very midst of the storm. What are they ? Do they sleep on the wings of the wind, or hide them selves in a scroll of snow? How is it that these little sing ing harps live on amid such dreary scenes ? The blue- jays, however, were very petulant. Their gorgeous summer plumage was exceedingly mussed, and they went about from bush to bush, and tree to tree, screaming and fretting at each other and themselves. They acted like so many Sibe rian prisoners, who were forced to brave the blasts as the penalty of some crime they had committed. Sometimes, a keen, frosty night would be succeeded by a still sunny day, when the eaves pattered their sleepy music, and the cows strayed away into the forest, as though they smelt approaching spring when the cats flew out of the house, and chased each other up into the trees, and the dog went away by himself wandering along the river-banks for reasons known only to himself. These were visiting days, holidays, jubilee days, for those animals that were housed in trees, and burrowed in the ?arth. Go forth into the woods. You may, on such a day, see the squirrel push out his he ad from the door of his cas- *12 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Ue, where he has been confined for a month, and cautiously look over the landscape then dart in again. Soon he pushes himself out farther, and farther, and timidly glides down to the foot of the tree. Then he tries the snow, and then again, and finally goes cantering to the nearest stump, and chirruping, up lie goes with a flirt, throws his tail over his back, sits down, and breaks forth into a burst of song. Do you believe that squirrel remembers his last summer rambles in those woods yon rivulet where he drank, now sleeping beneath its silver frost-work, and chanting its low, muftled dirge yon icy knoll, that stood, last June, a pyra mid of flowers yon hickory where he harvested his nuts ? Is his song for the present or the past? Look a little farther the solemn tread of the turkey who is busy disinterring some of the buried mast of autumn. Such a day is a bright page in the winter life of the turkey. . She comes forth from beneath the roots of upturned trees, from thickets, or hollow logs, where she has been so long cowering and starving, to hail the blessed warmth. She dreamed away the summer, stalking about from wood to stream, and stream to wood she passed the provident squirrel often, in October, and saw him roll in his winter stores, but she did n t know why; and now she is shovelling the snow, scattering it right and left with her feet, with a aielancholy twit ! twit ! to get a kernel of bread. Farther on, is a little gorge sloping up from the brook, and on such days the snows melt off, and the banks grow warm, and the green grass shines as brightly as it did in May. It is soft and spring-like there. The sunbeams seem to be all tangled together in that spot. There are clusters of winter birds sporting in this temple, and occasionally one breaks forth with a note or two of her last June s song, as though she were just twanging her harp to try its strings. They OUT-DOORS AND IN. 113 think those tangled sunbeams are the footfall of April, and so they chirrup, and flutter, and bow to them, and seem to ask where gentle May is, and when she is coining with her music and flowers. Sometimes the fog from the river would freeze upon the trees during a night, and the sun would rise upon a forest all burst out into a white bloom. As the sun rose higher, the little particles glittered and flashed, and then it was a forest of silver every shrub, every bush, every tree, was silver. The woods were a frozen poem written in a night by invisible fingers to be read for an hour or two, and then scattered away in shining scales, for ever. These natural changes and beauties were all that there were to attract attention, and arrest our out door thoughts. How different is all this from the life of a resident of some large city where the life of a man is read in the street and where each day shifts its pictures with its revolution, like the chang ing colors of a kaleidoscope ! In-doors, however, was the domestic hearth. There were joys there, that knew no winter. Wife and children how many ? I said three but were there not more I There was the babe, the creeping infant, the tottering child, in each. The portraits of half a dozen children were daguerreotyped on my soul as I looked at one. But a part were dead ! the babe had died in the infant, and the infant in the child not died, either, but one grace had faded into another, one beauty had risen upon the ruins of another, until the child was born where the infant perished, we know not when nor how. Instead of two, I always felt that I had a family of little ones about me. And then, that old dog that had been with us for years, and shared our fortunes and misfortunes, always the same, 114 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. under all circumstances he was one of the family. He used to pioneer the children a half a mile to school, and wag his tail, and bid them good morning, as he left them at the door. He was also there in waiting, at night, to escort them home again. He used to walk around, over the farm, and examine this thing and that, as though he was half propri etor of the premises. He used to sleep during the long winter evenings by the fire, his nose between his fore-paws, his hind legs stretched out full length, and dream of scour ing the woods first a tremor ! then a twitch ! then a bark, and a leap ! and looking up, and finding all a sham, away he would walk under the table overwhelmed with mortifi cation. This dog never made any acquaintance among the Pud- Ilefordiaus, nor their dogs. He always stood aloof on his dignity, and if either approached too near, warned them away with a low growl. He was a noble Newfoundland, and prided himself upon his ancestry. But there are little threads of beauty that penetrate every household, wherever it may be, and warm the heart. Those thoughts, and kind words, and remembrances, that fly back and forth, hundreds of miles, and keep the poorest hovel all a-glow. They are so many rays that converge there, and make a star. That sleepy old horse that brought in the mail once a week was a blessed old horse, and bore upon his back treasures that far outweighed gold. That mail-bag, like all mail-bags, was full of passions love, hatred, and revenge all kinds of courtesy, civility, politeness, syco phancy some coarseness and vulgarity, too; and when it burst, like a bomb, in the post-office, it covered some per sons with rainbow light, gave others a cold drench, over powered still others, and turned many into so many raging THE MAILS. 115 madmen. The imprisoned conflicting elements that jogged along up hill and down dale, so cozily on that old horse s back, made strange work when they were let loose. Mail days were bright days in our calendar. They came only once a week but that day always brought something. We then sat down, wife, children, and all, and posted up the books of the past. The letters brushed off the dust from the pictures of distant friends that were hanging in our souls and those pictures talked. Some were sick ; some were married ; some had gone to one place, some to another. They were sailing on the great current of life as well as we. \Ye were all together, yet apart ; and these letters were only a shaking of hands across the flood that divided us the shuttle that wove our passage into one. And then the newspapers were something more to us than aver before. The jar and roar of the world, like music, was softened and mellowed by distance. Advertisements grew va luable ; and our little daughter Kate absolutely read a pa tent-medicine notice from end to end without smiling. During the winter, my wife made a little come-to-tea gathering, for the purpose, as she said, of getting better ac quainted with her neighbors. We were living, as I have stated before, a little out of the village of Puddleford, and our opportunities for seeing its society were not very good. She invited Squire Longbow and wife, (of course ;) Bates and wife; Turtle and wife; Mrs. Sonora Brown, Torn Beagle and his clique in fact, it was got up without distinction of party, as our house was neutral ground, never having thus far been the scene of a social fight. I set apart the day to attend to our guests. The first lady who made her appearance was Mrs. Sonora Brown, who had walked out from Puddleford alone, and who hove in sight pursuant to her invitation to come to tea, at about 2 P.M. 116 PUDDLEFOR.D AND ITS PEOPLE. The snow was falling fast, and the wind quite rough, but Mrs. Sonora did n t mind that. She was covered with one of those plaid cloaks that were made twenty years ago, had on a pair of heavy brogan boots, (sensible woman,) a tight hood, and over that a red and white cotton handker chief tied under her chin. The old lady sailed along through the gale as calmly and stately as a seventy-four. When she leached the door, she rapped, and stamped, and gave a loud hawk, all of which she undoubtedly thought ought to an nounce her presence. My wife opened the door. Well, exclaimed Sonora, you see I ve come, giving her cloak a hearty sh.ake, and scatter ing the snow about her. Glad very glad to see you, replied my wife. I know d you would be that s just what I told em , continued Sonora; you ain t so dreadfully stuck up out here as some folks tries to make believe, arter all. 4 We are like most other people, I suppose, said my wife. Sonora took off her hood, when her eyes fell upon me. 1 So, this your man ! I d hearn tell on him, but never see d him afore, near by and there are the children ! and that is your big looking-glass they tell d about ! The dear massy on us, she exclaimed, how nice ! Why, Mrs. Brown, said I, * you must recollect me : I was a juryman on the trial between Filkins and Beadle. 4 Come to take a good look at you, and so you was ; but I was so frustered that day that I did n t know which eend I stood on. How pesky sassy them turneys-at-la are, con tinued Mrs. Brown, as she seated herself in the big rocking- chair. 4 Mrs. Brown, have you lived long in this country ? I asked. Why, bless your soul, yes ! Did n t you know that ? We MRS. BROWN. 117 came in from the Hio twenty years ago, and lived her fore there was any body, nor nothing but bears and catamounts. * How, in the world, did you manage to get through the country twenty years ago ? I asked. 1 Well, it was a pretty orful time, said the old lady ; * it almost brings the tears into my eyes now to think on t. There was my husband an<} four children Lem and Jim, and Molly and Bessy. Lem was about twenty, and Jim about fifteen, and Molly and Bessy ten and twelve ; and we were all piled inter a big cover d wagon, drawn by two yoke of cattle, with what little furniter we had ; and in this kinder way we started for I did n t know where. Where did you eat and sleep ? inquired I. We bunk d in the wagon nights, and camp d out to eat j and so we travelled for two months. But you got through all safe ? I said. 4 No, we didn t, said she, heaving a sigh; little Bessy died, (she wiped away a tear ;) * she got the measles some where on the road ; aud every body was afraid of catchin on era ; and no body would come near us, and so we had to stop and take care of her in the wagon the best way we could. We done all we could think of, but she kept grow- in worse and worse, til one morning she died. * She died ! I repeated, feeling sad. * And we had to bury her in a strange place a high knoll <n the woods by the road-side and go away and leave her ihere alone. Oh! Mr. , she exclaimed, I ve dream d a thousand times of that spot in the woods : what would n t I give if I could go and find it. What did you do when you first arrived here 2 I in quired. 1 Why, it was all trees all over, every where, then. There 118 PUDDDEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. waru t any houzens, nor any roads to travel on, nor no white folks but Venison Styles, and some other hunters who are gone away now ; nor any thing to live on ; and nothin to be heard nights but the varmints screaming, said Mrs. Brown, laying down her knitting-work, and shoving up her spectacles with a convulsive twitch, for she was getting elo quent. There warn t a pound of meat for fifty miles round no pork for love nor money and so we cut down a place, and built a log shanty, and liv d on deer meat, for deers were as thick as hops all over. And what, then ? said I. The next spring, she continued, * we cleared a couple of acres, and put it into taters, turnips, beets, and all kind-er garden sass; and then we girdled the trees on ten or twelve acres more, and in the fall we put this inter wheat, and in a year or so we began to live. And that large farm you now live on, Mrs. Brown, is the spot you first settled ? Where are your children now ? * They are round yet, said Sonora. * Jim teaches school, and spec lates, and fiddles some, and can doctor if he likes. Jim is the only genus in our family : he s as smart as lite- mV; Lem is more staid and sober-like. He allers took to hum chores, fod ring cattle, and such like-er things. He married Squire Nolet s darter ; and they are pretty big folks got carpets in their bed-rooms, and all over the house and he is now settled on a farm out on Horse-Neck Plains and Jim is now doin fust-rate. What became of Molly ? 1 Molly made a bad go on t. She married a trav ling sing ing-master and I do suppose, she exclaimed, he is one of the most good-for-nothing dogs in the whole settlement. I do n t see how in airth Molly ever took a notion to him : he MORE ARRIVALS. 119 hain t got no laming he won t work and / do n t like his singin\ I do n t see what such critters are made for. (The old lady heaved a long sigh.) There was a rap at the door, and Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Beagle, and Mrs. Snipes came in. These three ladies were insepara ble. They visited together, and warred, as we have seen f upon the up street aristocracy together. Mrs. Bird, who was, as I have stated, a great sozzle about home, was now decked out with as many ribbons and streamers as a May pole. She had mounted on her back a most tremendous bus tle, and she bowed, and bobbed, and twitched about, as she saluted my wife, with all the airs and friskiness of a young girl. Mrs. Beagle was quite reserved. Why, bless you, Mrs. , how cold tis! said Mrs. Bird. My dear husband could n t hardly think of lettin me go out. Bird is so particular, and allers so scared for fear d sunthin will happen to me. * Wife, said Bird to me one day * wife, sez he, * you mus nt go out with them are thin shoes on til be the death on you, sez he. Oh ! shaw ! sez I, * Bird, you re allers bor ring trouble. No, I aint, nother, sez he. * By m-bye, you 11 get a mortal sick ness in your lungs, and it 11 run you inter the inflammation, and then you re gone. But I allers laughs at Bird when he talks so. Why, of all things, continued Mrs. Bird, looking round, if here ain t Mrs. Brown. Are you well, Aunt Sono- ra, to-day ? Pretty sorter, answered Mrs. Brown. Hain t had the rheumatiz, nor shakin ager, nor any of that buzzing in your head ? * None to speak on. 4 How is your old man, Mrs. Brown ? 4 Well, he s gruntin* some but so s to be about. * Did he catch that feller who ow d him and run d away? 120 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. * Not s I ever heerd on, replied Mrs. Brown. 4 Why, what a nice caliker you re got on, Mrs. Brown ; was it one-and-three or one-and-six ? I b lieve it was somewher s along there, said Mrs. Brown. 1 It s jest like Charity Beadle s, only Charity had hers made up with the figur running down. About sundown, and in the midst of Mrs. Bird s conver sation for her tongue kept in full play Squire Longbow and wife announced themselves by a rap. Their arrival spiked Mrs. Bird s battery. After making a cold, scornful, and exceedingly low and ironical bow to them, she retired one side with Mrs. Beagle and Mrs. Snipes. Squire Longbow had on his best rig a suit of grayish homespun. His shirt-collar was unusually tall, and he had put a double bow-knot in his neck-cloth of white cotton. The shade over his lost eye was very clean and bright. He really looked like a Justice. Longbow said he was glad to get out that the business of justice was wearin him to death. Much on your mind, Squire, now ? I inquired. 4 All the time all the time sunthin . There s a p int of law to be settled in that case tween Whippum against Snap- pett. Snappett s nigger man druv Snappett s cattle over Whip pum s dog, and broke Whippum s leg I mean Whippum s dog s leg ; and Whippum s dog s goin to die a very valu able dog cost Whippum six shillings last spring good for cattle, hogs, any thing children thought a good deal on him ; and so Whippum swore Snappett should pay for the dog, if he spent his farm to get it. I declare ! exclaimed I. * Yes, he said it in my offis last week ; but whether to sue Snappett or the nigger is the p int. If we sue the nigger, he ar n t good ; if we sue Snappett, twan t he that druv the TIBBITS AND JENKINS. 121 Join the nigger and the white man together in one suit, said I. T-h-u-n-cfcr ! exclaimed the Squire, looking wildly at me * can t jine niggers and white men together, by our constitution Story s dead agin it. They d come in on tother side, and squash every thing inter pieces. 1 Can it be possible ! said I. * Yes-sir ee / said the Squire ; the} 7 would that and have me peal d up to the higher courts in a jiffy. And then, continued the Squire, Tibbits and Jenkins have got inter trouble. Jenkins got mad at Tibbits bout something awhile ago, and so he went down to Tibbits house, his gun on his shoulder, full-er wrath and spyin a favorit cow of Tibbits in the barn-yard, jest drew up, and popp d her over Tibbits run d out, grabbl d the gun out of Jenkins hand, and sraask d it up fine on a tree then they had a fight, and Jenkins bung d up Tibbits, and Tibbits bung d up Jenkins, so neither on em could see much now Tibbits wants to bring suit for the value of his cow. Do tell now if he does, exclaimed Aunt Sonora, who had been listening to the Squire s story ; I tell d our folks at hum, yesterday, that I had n t any doubt but Puddleford would be turn d cnside out bout that. Yes! continued the Squire, Tibbits wants to bring suit but I tell d Tibbits that I wanted to know how much the cow \vas worth fourteen dollars, said he. How much was the rifle worth Bout the same, said he. Jest a set-off, said I, the rifle pays for the cow, and the cow for the rifle. Tibbits said that warn t la , and swore, and said I should issue the writ. I threatened to commit him for contempt. He said he d get a ramdamus (mandamus) enter me, and there the mattv ^t 6 122 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Well, said I, you do l\ ave trouble, Squire I M resign. 4 Nobody to fill my place, said the Squire, pushing his arms down into his breeches-pockets and stretching out his legs and throwing his eyes up to the ceiling nobody that understands the staterts. 1 4 There s Ike Turtle, said I. 4 Ike arn t coal enough . it takes a cool man for justis in these parts a man that arn t afear d of nothin. Just so, said I. Here was a rap, and Ike Turtle, Mr. and Mrs. Bates, and many others entered. We had a house full nearly. The elements, as I have said, were not harmonious. The Birds, and Swipes, and Beagles, and their friends were huddled together by them selves in one part of the room, and Longbow and his friends in another. You might hear whispers and suppressed laughs, and oh s ! and ah s ! from the circle of Mrs. Bird, and side-looks and other manifestations of uneasiness. Ike Turtle, whose knowledge of human nature was equal to his humor, after eyeing the group awhile, concluded to break into and scatter il^ if possible. So, turning around Mrs. Bird, you look un-cowonly well, to-day, he said. Think I cfo, replied Mrs. Bird, pettishly. * W T hy, you look as fresh as a new-blown rose. Mrs. Bird held down her head, and actually appeared con fused. Soon she gathered courage to speak. 4 Why, Mr. Turtle, how can you think so I m an old woman. * Not so old arter all, said Ike, you ve taken good care of your sperits and complexion. 4 Why, Mrs. Bird do n t use sperits ! exclaimed Mrs. Brown, looking down over her spectacles, at Ike, with horror. 4 Not them kind, said Ike- but her nat ral sperits, 1 mean. No^v, continued Ike, here s Squire Longbow, BREAKING THE ICE. 123 past fifty, hearty as a buck, full-er fire, and can kick up his heels as high as his head all owin to his sperits. Do n t you think so, Mrs. Bird ? Mrs. Bird said she did n t know much about Squire Long bow. Oh ! nonsense now yes, you do liv d neighbor to him in Puddleford these ten years or more. But if there s any doubt about it, I 11 just introduce you. Squire Long bow, continued Ike,, rising and pointing to Mrs. Bird Mrs. Bird Mrs. Bird, Squire Longbow. And here s Mrs. Beagle and Mrs. Swipes all of Puddleford maybe you do n t know em all old residenters came in when the country was new, and have cut their own fodder ever since. The Squire rose, bowed, and said he * know d em all, and was glad to meet em looking so fust rate. 4 Now, sai^ Ike, * I ve introduced you, enjoy yourselves. This movement of Ike s broke the ice. The clique re laxed their brows, and conversation grew more general. * Is Lavinny at school this winter ? inquired Mrs. Beagles of the Squire. Yes, marm, she is studying stronomy got inter the fix d stars last week and will be onter Capercorn, bym- bye. Bless my soul! exclaimed Aunt Sonora, her knitting- needles rattling with surprise, how did she get out got inter the stars ? Yes, marm, continued the Squire, * she lamed herself inter em and she knows all bout em what they re there for and who put em there jest as much as though she d liv d six months on the spot. And then, Mrs. Beagle, she s up to her eyes in hist ry. She talks bout the Caesars and Gustuses, jest as though she d allers know d em. Tells all about how Christopher 24 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Columbus came over with the Puritans and settled onter Plymouth rock, cause Richard Third, king-er Spain, got mad at em, cause they would kiss the Pope s toe. * Dear me suz, I wanter know, exclaimed Mrs. Brown again. And then she s at the head in the gography class she s draw d a map of the Cannibal islands and on one on em, Capt n Cook lies with his head off, crying for marcy and she says, down onter the squator it do n t never snow, nor nothin, and it s hotter than blue-blazes, in the winter and when it thunders and litenins, it tears every thing inter pieces she s goin ahead wonderfully, Mrs. Beagle. Well now that is satisfying] said Mrs. Beagle. It does one so much good to see one s children get laming. * That s just what I tell d Mr. Brown when Jim was first born, said Aunt Sonora. I tell d him the boy had genus, for there never was one of our family that did n t. But you ve got-ter give him schooling, said I, to bring it out. And so he did and you orter to have see d how he run d to books and newspapers. When he was fifteen, he tell d the old man, as he called his father, he orter to go to district- school (he was a wonderful boy, know d every " thing, then) that he was way ahind the age. Then he went off a roamin , a seekin his fortiri and when he com d back, nobody would know d him he was so improved he fling d his legs onter to the stove, and smoked and chewed, and talk d about furrin parts and did n t take any notice of the old man said how the old man did n t know nothin (warn t he genus, Squire Longbow ?) he would n t work any, because he said genuses never work d that they would n t be genuses if they did he made the old man give him a fast horse, and a pinter dog, and a gun, GETTING UP A DANCE. Ix>5 all kivered with silver plates, and then he rid, and hunted, and courted (warn t he genus ? ) he courted Squiro Boson s darter, and Mr. Fogg s two darters, and all the gals in the Western settlement, til he finally settled down as I was tellin Mr. awhile ago into jest as much of a genus as ever the dear, massy on us, what won t larnin do ? 1 S prisin boy, answered the Squire. The conversation ran on about every thing, until Ike had really broken up the clique of Bird <fe Co., and one would have thought there never had been a social war in Puddleford. There never lived a mortal, I believe, who could hold out against the humor of Ike Turtle. He mag netized all who came within his influence. He was shrewd, keen, far-seeing, full of good sense, and had a stock of fun that was positively inexhaustible. Ike, in reality, never cared about the antipathy of Bird, Beagle, & Co. all their malice and slander had never ruffled a feather, as he used to say. He was amusing himself in the experiments he had been making to bring the factions together ; but he did not in fact care whether they ever came together or not. About nine o clock in the evening, and after supper, as Mrs. Sonora called it, had passed off, Ike inquired of me if my fiddle was in the house, as he intended to have Squire Longbow, Aunt Sonora, Mrs. Bird, Swipes, and all hands, 1 dancing before the company broke up. The fiddle was produced rather an asthmatic instru ment that strayed into the country among my lumber, and was somewhat out of order. Ike tinkered it up with his jack-knife, until it finally emitted a few strains of some thing like music. He then played * Over the Hills, Fish er s Hornpipe, and several other lively airs, until old Squire Longbow unconsciously began to rap the time with his heels, and Mrs. Bird to grow quite nettlesome. 126 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE Ike finally bowed himself up to Mrs. Bird, sawing away all the time on his fiddle and declared that * nothing on airth would do him so much good as a country dance, and she must consent to walk straight out without wincing." Mrs. Bird looked pleased and provoked, by turns, but she finally took Ike s arm, and was duly placed on the floor. Squire Longbow and Mrs. Sonora were next hauled out by Ike ; Mrs. Swipes and Sile Bates, and so on, until he had united (with the exception of Squire Longbow and partner) the most discordant elements of Puddleford. The dance opened, Ike himself fiddling, shuffling, and calling off. He and Mrs. Bird went down in the middle, up outside, and crossed over, Ike s feet playing all the while like drum-sticks to the music of Fisher s Hornpipe, which he was sawing off with inconceivable rapidity, while Mrs. Bird followed after him, panting and blowing, without much regard to time or tune. Squire Longbow and Mrs. Sonora trotted through their parts Mrs. Sonora having declared, before she took the floor, that she never was one of them are dancing critters, but she d try and hobble through the figger, the best she could. By and by the general wind-up came, when all hands went into it heart and soul. Ike s fiddle, and Ike s voice, and the pattering of feet, were all that was heard. Right and left ! Cross over ! Do n t run agin Mrs. Bird, Squire Longbow ! A leetle faster, Mrs. Swipes ! Part ners keep clus arter one another ! Do n t cave ! Not quite so much cavortin down thar ! exclaimed Ike, giving expression to his words with his bow, when at last he drew the whole to a close by a long high squeak, and the com pany rushed to their seats puffing, and covered with per spiration. THE CLIQUES MELTED 127 This movement of Ike s was a masterly performance. He had actually danced with Mrs. Bird, one of his bitterest enemies. He had melted the two hostile cliques of Puddle- ford into one. His flattery and music had accomplished this, and it was productive of lasting good, for the war from this time began to decline in Puddleford, and the hos tile cliques were finally dissolved. Perhaps the reader is disposed to smile at my description of a Puddleford tea-party. Perhaps he thinks the ingenu ousness of Aunt Sonora, the free-and-easy humor of Ike Turtle, the peevish jealousy of Mrs. Bird, are the fruit sim ply of what he terms western vulgarity. Do n t be too fast, my friend. You belong, perhaps, to a society that wears a mask made up, nevertheless, of * envy, hatred, malice, and all uncharitableness. Your Mrs. Bird is just as jealous, but for another reason, and with this difference, too. that she can smile upon her bitterest enemy, when and where the rules of fashionable life demand it. You Ve got a Squire Longbow or two with you in all probability not dressed in homespun, but 4 broadcloth one who has been favored by fortune, and no god beside one who hums and haws, and looks as wise and solemn as an owl, and to whom perhaps you unconsciously pay homage. We are all alike, dear reader we look at your society through the telescope of education and refinement at Puddleford, with the nakc^ eye. PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER X. Mrs. Longbow taken sick General Interest Dr. Teazle Hit Visit The Eattles Scientific Diagnosis A Prescription Short and Dr. Dobbs Pantod of the Heart Dismissal of Tea zle Installation of Dobbs Scyller and Charafo des Ike s Views The Colonel s Bates s Mrs. Longbow dies Who killed her : conflicting opinions Her Funeral Bigelow Van Slyck s Sermon Interment. NOT long after this jolly little gathering at my house, I heard that Mrs. Longbow was sick. Her symptoms were very alarming, and, as she was the wife of Squire Longbow, and as the Squire was the man of Puddleford, her critical con dition was a matter of public concern. What is the matter with Squire Longbow s woman ? > How did she rest last night? Did she roll and tumble much ? Is her fever brok t onto her 2 were questions fre quently put. Now Mrs. Longbow was a very worthy person, and entitled to all the sympathy she received ; but that is not to be the subject of this chapter. When Mrs. Longbow was first taken ill, Doctor Teazle was called yes, reader, Dr. Teazle who had been as good authority in medicine, as Longbow ever was in law. I say had been Things were different now. Teazle was one of the pioneers of Puddleford. He was there when the first log-house was laid up the first field cleared the first child born. Teazle possessed a very little learning, a very great deal of impudence, and a never-ending flow of language. He was opinionated, and tolerated no MRS. LONGBOW S SICK-BED 129 practice but his own. (What physician ever did ?) Teazle never let a doubt enter his mind he intuitively read a case, as rapidly as though he were reading a printed statement of it. Teazle was about the size of Longbow, but he had two eyes. How long have you been attacUted ? inquired Teazle, ap proaching the bed-side of Mrs. Longbow, and placing his fingers over the lady s pulse. Mrs. Longbow said it was sometime during the night. * Run out your tongue, continued Teazle. Mrs. Longbow obeyed. Very bad tongue all full er stuff you aint well, Mrs. Longbow, there s a kind of collapse of the whole system, and a sort of debility going on, every where all over you. Squire Longbow, who sat by, anxiously inquired what the disease was ? Teazle said it might be a sour stomach, or it might be fever, or it might be rheumatiz, or it might be the liver, or it might be that something else was out of order or it might be the rattles. Dear me! exclaimed the Squire, the rattles what is that? The rattles, answered Teazle, the rattles is a disease treated of in the books Folks catch cold the nose stops up the throat gets sore and there is a kind of rattling going on when they breathe, whether we can hear it or not and that s the rattles. Mrs. Longbow said she had n t got any rattles as she know d on. Teazle said he would make up a prescription that would make a sure business of it, as he always did when he was in doubt. He would prepare a compound of the particular medicines used for the particular diseases he had mentioned, 130 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. and fire at random, and some of the shot would hit, he knew. 1 * Gracious ! doctor ! exclaimed Longbow, what comes of the rest on em. All passes off all passes off, answered Teazle glibly, with a flourish of the hand, through the pores of the skin continued Teazle ; and you must also take four quarts-er water, two pounds-er salt, a gill-er molasses, a little cumfrey root, some catnip blows, (but mind do n t get in any of the leaves, that 11 kill her,) stir it all up together, and soak her feet just ten minutes then get five cents worth-er sassy- farilla, three cents worth-er some kind of physic, pour in some castor-ile, and I ll put in some intergrediences and stuffs, and will give it inwardly every two hours and in the morning I will quire agin into the condition of the patient. This, reader, was the result of Teazle s call. Mrs. Longbow was really suffering under an attack of bilious fever. In a few days, there was an uproar among the physicians of Puddleford. Doctor Short and Doctor Dobbs had united their influence and tongues together, and Teazle was de nounced as a quack and a fool. Short and Dobbs never united for any other purpose but the abuse of Teazle. Some times Short and Teazle abused Dobbs, and sometimes Dobbs and Teazle abused Short. Short declared that Mrs. Long bow had nothing but a kind of in ard strictur , and a little salts would clear it righl out. Dobbs said it was either that or the pantod of the heart, and that Teazle s medicine would lay out the poor soul as cold as a wedge. I endeavored to ascertain by Dobbs what he wished us to understand by pantod of the heart. Dobbs said it was impossible for him to explain it with out the books it was something that laid hold of the ves* HEROIC PRACTICE OF DOEBS. 131 sels about the heart, and throw d every thing into a flutter.* The war went on Squire Longbow s friends finally joined the force of opposition to Teazle and in two or three days, Teazle was ejected very unceremoniously from the Squire s house, and Dobbs took bis place. The first thing Dobbs did, when he was fairly installed, was to gather up, and pitch headlong in the fire, all of Teazle s remaining medicines. He wondered whether Teazle really intended to kill Mrs. Longbow ! Perhaps he was only a fool ! The whole system of practice was now changed. A new administration had come into power, and with it new measures. Dobbs didn t know but he might raise Mrs. Long bow, but he could n t hold himself responsible Teazle had nearly finished her but he would try. Dobbs immediately introduced a seton into the side of his patient, to get up a greater fluttering some where else, and get away the flutter at the heart, and when that went, the fever would go away with it, he said. Dobbs moved around Puddleford for a day or so, with great pomp of manner. He had unseated Teazle, and now occu pied his place. But what was his surprise to find Short and Teazle united, and out upon him-, in full cry. Short Lad become chagrined because Dobbs had been called to fill the place of Teazle, instead of himself. The war was renewed with increased fury. Dobbs s setor failed to produce the desired effect, and he, therefore, resorted to blistering and calomel. In a week he had nearly skinned and salivated the poor woman, and yet she lived. The fact was, Dobbs Tyas a greater blockhead than Teazle, if that were possible. Ike Turtle said the old em an was between Scyller and Charafo des ! Ike had heard this classical allusion at soma 132 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. time, and she d got-ter go for it and she d better just step out at onst, and save trouble and expense. The Colonel said that he * once read a story in JSsop s fables, called the Fox and the Brambles, and he recollected that the fox refused to shake oft a swarm of flies that were sucking out his life-blood, because a more hungry swarm would succeed and he thought Mrs. Longbow made a great mistake in discharging Teazle for Teazle had ex hausted his energies upon his patient, and nature was about restoring the ruin he had wrought. Bates expressed a different opinion. He was a strong ad vocate of lobelia and cayenne-pepper he was, in short, a supporter of the hot water practice. All mineral medicine Bates declared poisonous. Bates said nature knew enough to take care of herself for every disease a remedy had been provided what we called weeds, were all valuable reme dies ; and he thought Teazle and Dobbs ought both to be indicted for mal-practice. This war between men, soon became a war of systems. Philista Filkins, Aunt Sonora, Bates & Company, raised a tempest around Longbow s ears; and Dobbs was finally thrown overboard, and his medicines after him ; and Mrs. Filkins was -placed at the helm, and the hot-water practice introduced. But what is the use, reader Mrs. Longbow died. Who would n t ? Nature cannot endure every thing she died, and was buried. But who killed her ? That was a question for months afterward. Dobbs said Teazle Teazle said Dobbs ; and Teazle and Dobbs, when talking together on the subject, said Mrs. .Filkins and Bates said the calomel and Turtle said the oman had been conspir d agin, and was killed, BIGELOW S SERMON. 133 I attended the funeral of Mrs. Longbow. A funeral is solemn any where in the wilderness, it is impressive. In a city, it is too often an exhibition of pride, carried down to the very gates of death the poor handful of dust is used to glorify, a little longer, the living it preaches no sermon, chastens no feeling ; but a funeral in the wilderness is as lonely as one at sea. Nature becomes almost oppressive. The scattered population, for miles arcund, gathered at the log-chapel, and Bigelow Van Slyck preached over the remains of Mrs. Longbow. The sermon was characteristic of Bige low strange and inappropriate, perhaps, in the opinion of the reader ; but, after all, the very thing for Bigelow s audience. This was his text : Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble ! Bigelow said his text used the word man that is born, &c., but it was jest as applicable to a woman as to a man, for woman was, after all, a kind of a man ; not that a woman was a man, nor a man a woman but texts allers spoke of things in general, cause the Bible was writ for all time. In dwellin upon the words that is born? Bigelow said he would go into the history of the Longbow family and he did go into their history, with a vengeance. He began with Squire Longbow s grand father, who, he said, fit in the old French war, and told us when he was 6om, and how he lived, and where he lived, and when he died, and gave us a kind of synopsis of the old man s services in the flesh. He then seized, violently, hold of the Squire himself, informed us he was born down in the Pennsylvanys, bout the old Tom Jefferson times, was the last of ten children, whose history he could n t go into for want of time that the Squire had n t any laming until after he becom d of age, and then got what he did get him self. Bigelow hoped his audience 4 would improve on this lesson, and get larning themselves. He then followed up 134 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. the Squtie through his immigration and settlement at Pud dleford, and informed us, I recollect, among other things, that he built the first frame-house, being twenty feet by thirty-four. Bigelow was still more specific in his history of Mrs. Longbow. If there was any thing overlooked in the poor woman s life, I do not know what it was. Bigelow labored some half hour over her virtues, and brought them out so systematically, at last, that the list, when completed, reminded me of an inventory of the personal effects of a de ceased person of the preparation of a document, to file away somewhere. The latter part of Bigelow s text, upon the brevity of life, was well managed roughly, perhaps, but pointedly. He drew copiously from nature, by way of illustration, as all persons do, who live more with nature than with man. The corn, he remarked, * died in the ground, sprouted, grew green, then the blades died agin * the flowers jest breatli d a few times then they died day died into night, and night died in the morning every thing died every where ; and man died, and woman died, and we d all got-ter die. I have selected only a few sentences at random, from this part of Bigelow s discourse. Then there was an address to the audience, an address to the aged, another to those in middle-life, another to the young, and finally, one to the mourners, standing. Some two hours and a half were occupied in the sermon altogether ; and when it finally closed, the remains of Mrs. Longbow were silently and sadly deposited in the grave. The death of Mrs. Longbow created a great chasm in society. The * settlement was so small, that the loss of any one was severely felt. In small places, every person has a great deal of individuality in large, only here and there THE CHASM. is one distinguished from the crowd. Mrs. Longbow was certainly fortunate in one respect, if she was unfortunate in another. If the physicians of Puddleford hastened her end, its population have not forgotten her, nor her many virtues, 135 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XI. Squire Longbow in mourning The Great Question Aunt Sonera s opinion Other People s The Squire goes to Church His Appearance on that occasion Aunt Graves, and her Extra Performance Nux Yomica Anxious Mothers Mary Jane Arabella Swipes Sister Abigail Ike Turtle, and his Designs He calls on Aunt Graves She 11 go it Sister Abigail s objec tion The Squire s First LoVe-Letter The Wedding Great Getting-up Turtle s Examination The Squire Euns the .Risk of the Staterts Bigelow s Ceremony General Break-Down Not Very Drunk. SQUIRE Longbow sincerely mourned the loss of his wife internally and externally. Externally, he was one of the strongest mourners I ever saw. He wore a weed, floating from his hat, nearly a foot long. It was the longest weed that had ever been mounted at Puddleford ; but our readers must not forget who Squire Longbow was a magistrate, and leading man in community. And while the reader is about it, he may also recollect that the Squire is not the only man, east or west, who has ventured upon a lit tle ostentation over the grave of the departed nor woman either. Who was to be the next Mrs. Longbow ? That was the question. The public, indeed, asked it long before the Squire. Who was to have the honor of presiding at the Squire s table ? What woman was to be placed at the head of society, in Puddleford ? The Swipeses and Beagles, Aunt Sonora Aunt Graves, and Sister Abigail, and scores of others, all began to speculate upon this important subject. Even Turtle and Bates indulged in a few general remarks. Aunt Sonora gave it as her mind, that * the Squire ought to WHO NEXT ? 137 be pretty skeery how lie married any body, kase if be got one of them flipper-ter-gibbet sort o wimrnin, she d turn the whole house ^wside out, and he d be one of the roost misera- blest of all men. She said if he know d what was good for himself, he d jest keep clear of all the young gals that were fussing and figeting round him, and go right in for some old stand-by of a woman, that know d how to take the brunt of things but, lors-a-me, continued Aunt Sonora, there s no doing nothing with these old widowers they re all like my Uncle Jo, who married in a hurry, and repented arter- wards and the poor dear old soul arn t had a minute s peace since. The Swipeses and Beagles, who, it will be recollected, be longed to a clique that had, in times past, warred against Longbow & Co., tho t it would be shameful for the Squire to marry at all it would be an insult agin the memory of poor old Mrs. Longbow, who was dead and gone. (Some people, you know, reader, abuse the living, but defend the dead.) 4 A.nd if the Squire should marry, they should think for their part, that she d rise up out of her grave, and haunt him ! She could never sleep easy, if she know d that the Squire had got some other woman, who was eating her pre- sarves, and wearing out her clothes, and lording it over the house like all possess d. Other opinions were expressed by other persons in fact, the Squire s widowhood was the great concern of Puddlef jrd. * He was so well on to do, as Aunt Sonora used to call it, that he was considered a great * catch. After a few weeks of sorrow, the Squire himself really be gan to entertain notions of matrimony. It is true he had passed the age of sixty, and it required a great effort to get up a sufficient amount of romance to carry out such an en terprise. Symptoms began, however, to wax strong. Tka 138 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. first alarming indication was his attendance at church. The Squire had always been a kind of heathen, in this respect, and had for many years set a poor example ; but people, who want to marry, will go to church. Whether this is done to get up a reputation, or simply to take a survey of the unap propriated female stock yet remaining on hand, I cannot say. The Squire was fixed up amazingly, the first time I saw him at church. His hair had been cut, and thoroughly greased. His shirt-collar covered his ears ; and his boots shone like a mirror. Aunt Sonora said he looked enymost as good as new. Aunt Graves was in the choir that day, and she sung as she never sang before. She blowed all the heavy strains of music strains that lifted her on her toes directly into Squire Longbow s face. Whether Aunt Graves had any design in this, is more than I can say ; but I noticed some twinges about the Squire s lips, and a sleepy wink of the eye, that looked a little like magnetism. It was ridicu lous, too, that such an old castle should be stormed by music. But the Squire exhibited other symptoms of matrimony, lie grew more pompous in his decisions, disposed of cases more summarily, and quoted law-latin more frequently. It was about this time that he talked about the nux vpmica instead of the vox Populi He used to squash proceed ings before the case was half presented ; and, in the language of Turtle, he tore around at a great rate. Turtle said, the old Squire was getting to be an old fool, and he was goin* to have him married, or dismissed from office there warn t no livin with him. There were a great many anxious mothers about Puddle- ford who were very desirous of forming an alliance with the Longbow family. Ev r en Mrs. Swipes, as much as she openly IKE AND AUNT GRAVES. 139 opposed the Squire s marriage in general, secretly hoped a spark might be struck up between him and her daughter, Mary Jane Arabella Swipes ; and Mrs. Swipes was in the habit of sending her daughter over to the Squire s house, to inquire of him to know if she could n t do sunthin for him in his melancholy condition ; and Sister Abigail went down several times to put things to rights, and was as kind and obliging, and attentive to all the Squire s wants, as ever Mrs. Longbow was in her palmiest days. On these occasions, Sister Abigail used frequently to remind the Squire of his great bereavement, and what an angel of a wife he had lost ; and that things did n t look as they used to do, when she was around, and she did n t wonder he took on so, when the poor thing died. But, reader, Ike Turtle had ordered things otherwise. He was determined to strike up a match between the Squire and Aunt Graves. So Ike made a special visit to Aunt Graves one evening, for the purpose of surveying and sounding along the coast, to see how the waters laid, and how the old soul would take it, to USQ his language. I have already given an outline of Aunt Graves ; but I will now say faTther, that she never had an offer of matri mony in her whole life. She was what is termed a . touchy old maid. She professed to hate men, and affected great distress of mind when thrown into their society. Aunt Graves was just ironing down the seams of a coat that she had finished, when Ike called. Ike opened the conversation by reminding Aunt Graves that she was livin along kinder lonely like. * Lonely nough, I s pose, she replied, snappishly. Don t you never have the blues, and get sorter obstrep- rous ? Aunt Graves did n t know as she did. 140 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Why, in the name of old Babylon, do n t you marry ? Marry? me marry marry a man a great, awful man! and the iron flew through the seams like lightning. Yes, continued Ike, marry marry a man why, wo man, you are getting as old and yellow as autumn leaves. "What have you been livin for? you ve broken all the laws of Scripter inter pieces and keep on breakin on em adding sin unto sin, and transgression unto transgression, and the thing s got-ter be stopped. Now, Aunt Graves, what do you think there s Squire Longbow, as desolate as Sodom, and he s got-ter have a woman, or the old man 11 run as crazy as a loon a-thinkin bout his household affairs ; and . you know how to cook, and to wash, and to iron, to make pickles and soap; and then, you re a proper age what say? Aunt Graves ran to the fire, plunged her goose into the ashes, and gave the coals a smart stir. She then dropped down in her large rocking-chair, leaned her cheek upon her elbow, fixed her eyes upon the floor, and came near going off into hysterics. Ike dashed a little water into Aunt Graves face, and she revived. After having gained strength, she replied in sub stance to Ike s query in a very languishing, die-away air : She could n t say she did n t know if it was a duty if she could really believe it was a duty if she was called on to fill poor old dead-and-gone Mrs. Longbow s place folks were bora inter the world to do good, and she had so far been one of the most unprofitablest of sarvants ; but she could never marry on her own account In other words, exclaimed Ike, cutting her short, you 11 go it. Aunt Graves agreed to reflect on V It was not long after this consultation that Mrs. Swipes " MARRY ! Me marry marry a man a preat awful man T ami the iron flow throu the seams like lisrliuiinjf." SQUIRE LONGBOW S LETTEP. 141 began to ; smell a rat, as she said. She commanded Mary Jane Arabella * never to darken the doors of that old hog, Longbow, agin ; and as for that female critter, Graves, she </ got a husband living down at the East ard, and they d all get into prison for life the first thing they know d. Sister Abigail declared, she d have Aunt Graves turned out of church, if she married a man who war n t a mem ber. This was a great deal for Sister Abigail to say, for she had been the bosom friend of Aunt Graves : * people out of the church and people in the church, should n t orter jine themselves together it was agin Scripter, and would get every thing inter a twist. But Ike Turtle had decreed that the marriage should go on. He even went so far as to indite the first letter of the Squire s to Aunt Graves. This letter, which Ike exhibited to his friends, as one of his best literary specimens, was indeed a curiosity. I presume there is nothing else like it on the face of the globe. It opened by informing Aunt Graves that since the loss of his woman, he had felt very grievous-like, and could n t fix his mind onto any thing that the world did n t seem at all as it used to do that he and his wo man had liv d in peace for thirty years, and the marriage state was nat ral to him that he had always lik d Aunt Graves since the very first time he see d her, and so did his woman too; and many more declarations of similar im port, and it was signed * J. Longbow, Justice of the Peace, and sealed too, like his legal processes, that his dignity might command, even if his person did not win, the affections of this elderly damsel. Aunt Graves surrendered and all this within two months after the death of Mrs. Longbow. The Squire cast oft his weeds, and made violent preparations for matrimony ; and 142 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. on a certain night I shall never forget it the affair came off. There was a great gathering at the Squire s a sort of general invitation had been extended far and near the Swipes and Beagles, Aunt Sonora, and ^11. Great prepara tions had been made in the way of eatables. The Squire was rigged in a new suit of home-made, (made by Mrs, Longbow, too, in her life-time,) a white vest, and he wore a cotton bandana neck-handkerchief, with heavy bows, thai buried his chin, and a pair of pumps and clouded bluestock ings. Aunt Graves dress cannot be described. She was a. mass of fluttering ribbons, and she looked as though she would take wings and fly away. Bigelow Van Slyck and Ike Turtle conducted the mar riage ceremony the one took the ecclesiastical, the other the civil management. When the couple were ready, Tur tle sat down in front of them with the statutes under his arm, with Biglow at his right hand. Turtle examined the statutes amid profound silence for some time, turning down one leaf here and another there, until he found himself thoroughly prepared for the solemn occasion. Finally, he arose, and with a gravity that no man ever put on before or since, exclaimed : Miss Graves, hold up yer right hand and swear. Miss Graves said * she was a member of the church, and dar sent swear. Ike said it was * legal swearing he wanted, cording to the staterts not the wicked sort he, wanted her to swear that she was over fourteen years of age had n t got no husband living, no where warn t goin to practice no fraud nor nothin on Squire Longbow and that she d jest as good a right to get married now as she ever had. THE DOUBLE TEAM. 143 Miss Graves looked blank. Squire Longbow said he d run the risk of the fourteen years of age and the fraud, and finally he would of the whole on t. The staterts was well enough, but it warn t to be presumed that a justice of the peace would run agin ein. Some folks did n t know em he did. r^ i Ike said there was something another in the statert about wimin s doing things without any fear or compulsion of any body, and he guessed he d take Miss Graves -into another room, and examine her separately and apart from her 9 intended husband. This was a joke of Turtle s. The Squire said that meant married wimin arter the ceremony was over, that ere would be very legal and proper. Mrs. Swipes said for her part she thought the oath or-ter be put it would be an awful thing to see a poor cretur forced into marriage. O Sister Abigail thought so, too. Aunt Sonora hoped there would n t be nothin did wrong, so people could take the law on em. Turtle said * that they need n t any on em fret their giz zards he was responsible for the la of the case.* Bigelow then rose, and told the parties to jine hands, and while they were jined, he wanted the whole company to sing a psalm. The psalm was sung. Bigelow then commenced the wedding process. Squire Longbow, exclaimed Bigelow this is your second wife, and some folks say the third, and I hope you feel the awful position in which you find yourself. The Squire said * he felt easy and resigned he d gone inter it from respect to his woman who was now no more. You do promise to take this ere woman, to eat her, nnd 144 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. drink her, and keep her in things to wear, so long as you and she lives. * I do that very thing, responded the Squire. And you, on your part, continued Bigelow, turning to Aunt Graves, promise to behave yourself and obey the Squire in all things. Aunt Graves said she would, Providence permitting. This marriage ceremony, I believe, is nearly word for word. Then, said Turtle, wheel yourselves into line, and let s have a dance, and drawing out his fiddle, the whole crowd, in five minutes, were tearing down at a most furious rate ; and when I departed, at about midnight, the storm was raging still higher, the whiskey and hot-water circulated freely, Turtle looked quite abstracted about his eyes, and his footsteps were growing more and more uncertain, Bulli phant s face shone like a drummond-ligbt, the voices of th females, a little stimulated, were as noisy and confused as those of Babel, and your humble servant why, he walked home as straight as a gun of course he did and was able to distinguish a hay-stack from a meeting-house, any where along the road. THE BAR-ROOM COMPANY. 145 CHAPTER XII. Hie Group at the Eagle Entree of a Stranger His opinion of the Tavern Bulliphant wakes up Can t Pick Fowls after dark Sad Case of Mother Gantlet and Dr. Teazle Mr. Farindale Begins to Unbend Whistle & Sharp, and their Attorney Good Pay Legal Conversation Going Sniping Great Description of the Animal The Party Start Farindale Holding the Bag Waiting for Snipe Farindale s Solitary Return -His Interview with Whistle & Sharp Suing a Puddleford Firm Relief Laws Farindale gets his Execution The Puddleford Bank The Appraisers Proceeds of the Execution. LATE in the fall of the year, early one evening, Turtle, Longbow, Bates, the Colonel, Swipes, and Beagle were con gregated at the Eagle. Turtle and Bates were engaged at a game of chequers, and each one, fast-anchored at his right hand, had a glass of whiskey and water, or as Turtle called it, a little diluted bald-face. Their mouths were pierced with a pipe, in the left hand corner, which hung loosely and rakish- ly down, besmearing their laps with ashes, and now and then they puffed forth a column of smoke. The Colonel, Long bow, and the other Puddlefordians were ranged round the fire. The Colonel sat in a ricketty chair, his feet hoisted up on the mantle on a line with his nose, and his shoulders hitched over the ends of its posts ; the Squire was busily looking into the glowing coals, his hands clasped across his breast, unravelling some question of law, and Swipes sat very affectionately on Beagles lap, his right arm thrown around his neck. While in this position, a loud call of Hallo ! Land lord ! * 0-r-s-t-ler ! was heard without. 7 146 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Stir-yer stumps, old Boniface a traveller in distress, exclaimed Ike, to Bulliphant, who was asleep on a wooden- box behind the bar, and was snoring louder and louder at each succeeding blast. O Another two-and-sixpence, old free and easy/ added Bates. * This ere s a licensed tavern, and you must be up and doing, or the la 7 11 be inter you, gravely remarked the Squire. By this time, the stranger dashed into the bar-room, his face flushed, and his temper or his offended dignity, or both, in the ascendant, and exclaimed, ferociously, Is this a tavern ! are you all dead ! where s the landlord ! the hostler ! Got any hay oats ! any thing for a gentle man to eat ! any place to sleep ! when Bulliphant rub bed open his eyes with the knuckle of his fore-finger, gave a sleepy nod, and stumbled toward the door, to provide for his furious guest and his horse. The stranger walked into the bar-room, unwound two or three gaudy shawls from his neck, took off an over-coat, a surtout-coat, shed a pair of India-rubber travelling-boots, run both of his hands deep into his breeches-pockets, took half a dozen pompous strides across the floor, looking down all the while in abstracted mood at his feet, paraded before a glass, twisted one of the locks of his hair around his fore finger, and finally brought up with his ba^k to the fire, where he stood, his hands holding apart the skirts or" his coat, and his attention fixed upon something on the ceiling. Turtle measured him with his eyes several times from head to foot; the Colonel hitched out of his way and begged his pardon, when, in fact, he was not at all in his way ; the Squire was quite overcome at the amount of op posing dignity brought so directly in contact with him ; TOO LATE FOR. CHICKENS. 147 Bates gravely whistled Yankee Doodle, gazing out of the window, and winked over his shoulder at Beagle and Swipes, who winked back again. Bulliphant returned wide awake. Any turkeys 01 chickens ? inquired the stranger. All gone to roost, answered Bulliphant, with a grave kind of brevity. Take a broiled chicken, said the stranger, giving a heavy hawk, with his hand upon his breast, and spitting half across the floor. * Have to take it feathers and all, then, said Bulliphant wirain folks are superstitious do n t b lieve it s right to pick fowls in the night t was jest so with my wife s grand mother she had the same complaint. The stranger looked very hard at Bulliphant, and spit again, somewhat spitefully. Can give you mush, souse, slap-jacks, briled pork, con tinued Bulliphant, looking quizzically toward Turtle. The stranger said, he thought he d stopped at a tav ern but he d a great deal better turned himself into the woods, and browsed for supper and heaving a long sigh, sat down, and crossed his legs in a settled mood of despera tion. Bulliphant said there warn t no cause for alarm he d seen sicker men than he die and get well, too. The stranger grunted and shifted his legs. There was a long silence. All the Puddlefordians, excppt Ike and Bates, who were absorbed in their game, were look ing soberly and steadily into the burning logs. Turtle, exclaimed Swipes, at last, breaking the solitude * is that man goin to die ? * Can t tell, replied Turtle ; his life s on a pize 148 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. may turn one way, may turn to ther, and he took o it his pipe, and blew a long whiff. Sleep well, last night? 1 Groan d some bout mid-night. Swipes looked very sad, and the stranger s eyes passed from face to face with anxious looks. 1 Ain t goin to bleed to death? * Not zactly that, but mortification s goin to set in, and he cannot stand it long, when that takes him. Dear me ! exclaimed the Colonel. Very strange case ! added the Squire. * Great loss ! rejoined Bates. The stranger, who was none other than the junior mem ber of the firm of Follet, Fizzlet & Farindale, dry-goods merchants, doing business in the city of New-York, and who was out at Puddleford hunting up the firm of Whistle & Sharp, a couple of creditors, whose account had been in the rear for some time the stranger, I say, became very anxious to hear the particulars of the man whose life was in jeopardy and he exclaimed, before he thought * What is it, gentlemen ? who s hurt ? Why, said Ike, his face all the while cast-iron, and his eyes steadily fixed on his game ; * why, you see, old mother Gantlet was took with a violent mis ry in her head sent for Doct. Teazle our village doctor here the old oman said her head would bust doctor said it would n t the old oraan said it would the Doctor said ho M tie it up and he did try to tie it up, stranger and while he was busy, her head did bust, and blew off the Doctor s thumb and fore-finger and Ike shoved a man into the king-row and crowned him, without a look at Mr. Farindale, his face all the while as rigid as a tomb-stone. Mr. Farindale gave a long whistle, and immediately called MR. FAUDTDALE. 149 for a cigar ; the Colonel dropped a quid of tobacco into his hand, and gave it a toss across the bar-room ; Longbow shot forth a dignified spit into the fire, or rather it seemed to shoot out itself, without moving a muscle, and Bates stroked his chin several times with his left hand. A long pause ensued. What became of the woman ? inquired Farindale, after five minutes, looking sharply at Ike. 4 She hain t been heerM on since, as I knows on, replied Ike ; but the doctor s in a dref-ul state. The game of chequers closed, and Ike and Bates moved around near Mr. Farindate. 4 Stranger, said Ike, * travelled long in these ere parts ? 4 Not long but long enough. 4 Goin on ? 4 On where ? * Why, on to the next p 7 ace ? Does Whistle & Sharp live hereabouts ? inquired Farin dale, without answering Ike s qustions. 4 To be sure they do, said Ike ; I know em like a book ; am their torney. 4 Their attorney you their attorney attorney of Whistle <fc Sharp, said the stranger slowly and musingly, scratching his head with his fore-finger. * Got any thing for era or agin em ? inquired Ike. 4 Are they good pay ? inquired the stranger. 4 Allers pays at the end of an execution, replied Ike never before allers takes a receipt on the docket make their settlements a matter of record puts things where they can t be ripp d up best way, ain t it, stranger ? The stranger grunted, Humph ! 4 And then, said Ike, 4 there s no dispute bout authority to collect Every body can t tell who every body s agent is. One New-York dark run d away one year with all the col- 150 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. lections from Puddleford in his breeches pocket; but the Court has authority gin ral jurisdiction and the dis charge of a Court is a discharge what is a discharge. 4 That s a real opinion/ exclaimed Longbow, who had not spoken f -r half an hour ; 4 there s nothiii like a Court to put a finish on-ter things ; and the Squire gave two or three heavy coughs, and blew his nose into his red cotton-handkerchief, and doubling it up into a wad, looked around very gravely at Farindale as he dropped it back into his hat. * Authority ! The authority of Courts to collect debts ! They may have authority, but I n^ver saw a Court that had the power to collect a debt of me, exclaimed the Colonel, shifting his tobacco from one side of his mouth to the other as he spoke ; and I never put in a plea in my life the plea always puts itself m, and is a dead bar to further pro ceedings every time no assets nothing whereon to levy Nully Bony ! Nully Bony ! you mean, said the Squire, horror-stricken at the Colonel s use of law language. 4 That s it, said Bates ; * hain t got nothin to get outer 4 And ain t no where to be found, nor nothin , added Turtle, * Just so, said the Colonel ; * a kind of general suspension for want of capital the fiddle s on hand, but the bow is gone. The stranger was puzzled at the Puddlefordian view of pay ing debts, and wondered if Whistle & Sharp were advocates of the same doctrine. 4 Stranger ! said Bates, turning the subject of conversa tion ; * do you ever hunt? 4 Never, answered Farindale. Rare sport to-night, going a-sniping, said Bates. HUNTING SNIPE. 151 ? inquired the stranger, emphasizing tne first syllable ; ww-ping ! what is sni-ping ? l Sni ping, answered Bates why, catching snipe, to be sure, Great sport, said the Colonel ; bagged three hundred night before last. 4 The real yaller legs, too ! remarked Turtle. Farindale said he would like to accompany them never saw a snipe in his life would like to take one back to the city. Do they sing? 1 he inquired, turning to Turtle. Great singers ! catch any tune ! s prising critters to larn, answered Ike: got one up to my house that goes thro half of Old Hundred, by jest hearing the folks hum it round the house. * 7?e-mark-able ! exclaimed Farindale. Great eating, too, said Longbow. * Hain t got mor n two or three bones in their whole body ; all the rest meat, said Bates. Preparations were immediately made for the sniping ex pedition. The stranger put on his India-rubber boot?, and shawls, and overcoat; Ike procured a large bag of Bulli- phant ; and all hands, excepting Squire Longbow, whose dignity forbade any thing like sport, wended their way to the river, where, Turtle said, * there were whole droves on em. 4 Now, 1 whispered Turtle, drawing Farindale close to him, and holding his arm all the while as he spoke in his ear, we must keep very still snipe are scary critters, and when they get frightened they put straight for the river. There is a big log out yonder a favorite spot of theirs down which they travel and jump off into the river. You jest take this ere bag, creep softly down to the log, slip the bag over the end on t, and wait there until we drive in the snipe. Do n t speak do n t move ; make em think you are the trunk of 152 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. a tree ; and when the bag is full, slip it off and close it in a jiffey. 4 Yes ! yes ! whispered back Farindale. Mind, do n t stir from your post til I halloo. No! no! said Farindale. Farindale did as he was directed. He found, however, a foot of black muck; but, after slumping awhile, he ma naged to plant his spread legs out like a pair of extended compasses, and slide the bag over the log. Here he stood, half bent together, grasping the bag, and waiting for snipe. There was a beating of the bushes around him ; then all was still ; then another beating and another, and then a longer silence. Farindale was sinking deeper and deeper in the mud, and the water was nearly to the top of his boots. By and by, the noises ceased no footstep could be heard, and the stranger was alone with the bag and the log, and half up to his middle -waiting for snipe. What ever became of the Puddlefordians is more than I can say. Farindale returned to the Eagle alone. Early the next morning he might have been found in anxious consulta tion with Whistle & Sharp concerning a claim there of a hundred and twelve dollars, and interest after six months, which he was very desirous to secure or settle. Mr. Whistle, the senior member of the firm of Whistle & Sharp, was a very thin-faced man, with sandy hair that had seldom been combed, and he wore a faded blue coat with metal buttons, the two behind having been placed just under his arm-pits, which made him look as though some invisible power was all the while lifting him up from the ground. His woollen pantaloons had passed so many times through the wash-tub, that he was obliged to. strain out the wrinkles when he put them on, and they clung as tight to his legs as his skin. Sharp was a little man, had a long face, and his mouth FARIXDALE AND HIS DEBTORS. 153 seemed to have been bored for it was round alout mid way between his chin and his forehead ; and he was always wasping around, giving consequential orders about nothing, and very often spoke of the firm of Whistle & Sharp, and what Whistle & Sharp had done, and what Whistle & Sharp could do, and would do. Mr. Whistle informed Mr. Farindale that * the debt could not be paid at present, although, he added, that the firm of Whistle & Sharp were good for ten times the amount.* And another ten top of that, added Sharp, from the other end of the store, where he was tumbling down and putting up goods by way of exercise. Can you secure them ? inquired Farindale. Well, now, you have said it ! exclaimed Whistle, with apparent astonishment. What can be safer than the firm of Whistle & Sharp ? secure ! never had such a thing hinted before during the ten years of our business 1 A mortgage, insinuated Farindale. Can t do that not no how : my old grandfather was swept out clean with a mortgage once ; took all he had, and he was compelled to emigrate ; died of broken heart at last. Then, said Farindale, I must sue. What ! sue the firm of Whistle & Sharp ! very well, Sir, do, if you please. Yes-si r-ee horse-cob ! Mr. Follett, Fizzlet & Farindale,* exclaimed Sharp, springing at one bound over the counter ; just sue us if you please: we ll pay the costs! and Sharp whistled a tune with his eyes fixed steadily upon Fa rindale. Court sits next month, said Whistle. And we 11 confess judgment, said Sharp. And the pay is sure, said Whistle. 154 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. And no trouble here-arter, said Sharp. Mr. Farindale began to think another sniping expedition was afoot. He was not a coward, if his cockneyism had lured him after snipe ; but he was unable to determine what kind of people the Puddlefordians were. He had never met any thing like them. So he sat in his chair, the account against Whistle & Sharp in his hand, tapping the floor with his right foot, trying to devise some way to secure his claim A thought struck him. Pay it, and I will make a dis count of twenty-five per cent, said he. What s that you say ? indignantly exclaimed Sharp. * Do you mean to injure our firm ? the firm of Whistle & Sharp, who pay dollar for dollar ! That ere, Sir, is an insult. There s the door walk ! Sue ! but you can t insult us on our own premises. That s the way to talk it, Sir ! And Mr. Farindale did go, and he did sue, and the firm recovered a judgment against Whistle & Sharp for the sum of three hundred and twenty-four dollars and sixteen cents, and costs of suit. It was no great matter to recover a judgment against a Puddlefordian ; but it was something of a business to realize the damages. And that the reader may understand what kind of a prospect Follett, Fizzlet & Farindale had for their money, it is necessary to speak of the laws then in force for the collection of debts. The new States at that time were entirely * shingled over with relief laws, which were passed to save the property of the pioneer from sacrifice. There was scarcely any money in Puddleford, and exchanges were made by barter. Personal property was valued by its rela tion to other property : eight yards of calico were worth so much wheat, corn, potash, cord-wood, or saw-logs. The mer chant managed to turn his grain into high wines, or put it RELIEF LAWS. 155 in some other shape that would bear transportation, and he was thus enabled in time to pay his debts. The farmer gave the mechanic an order on the merchant; the professional man took an order on the merchant ; the day-laborer took an order on the merchant ; every body took an order on the merchant. The merchant was general paymaster : what he could not, or would not pay, remained unpaid ; and he, in his turn, swept the farmer s crops, and took every thing avail able ; and the balance yet his due, and remaining unpaid, if any, was carried over against the farmer, and against the next crop. Thus, the whole business of Puddleford ran through the merchant like wheat through a mill, and gene rally at a profit to the latter of from seventy-five to a hun dred per cent. It was this condition of the country that drove the legis lature into the enactment of relief-laws. As there was no money to pay debts, it was enacted that property should be a legal tender. The law in force, at the date of the judg ment against Whistle & Sharp, was a beautiful specimen of legislative impudence and ingenuity. It was a relief-law ! One section of the act provided, in substance, that upon the presentation of an execution, issued by any Court in the State, by the officer to whom the same shall be directed, to the debtor or debtors mentioned therein, such debtor or debt ors may turn out any property, personal or real, to said of- cer who shall levy on the same ; and the said officer shall cause the same to be appraised by three appraisers, one to be chosen by the plaintiff, one by the defendant, and one by the officer, who shall forthwith be sworn, etc., and proceed to appraise said property turned out at its true cash ^ihie ; and the said plaintiff in such execution shall receive said property at two thirds its appraised value ; and, if he refuse, he shall not proceed any farther with his execution, or have 156 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. another, until he first pay up all the costs of said appraise ment* An execution was issued by J. Snappit, Esq., attorney for Follett, Fizzlet & Farindale, upon the judgment recorded as aforesaid, against the firm of Whistle & Sharp, and put into the hands of the sheriff for collection. Now the sheriff of the county which included Puddleford within its limits was an accommodating man, a humane man, a man of the people, a politician. He did not think it necessary to oppress debtors who were unfortunately unable to pay their debts for the people elected him. Follett, Fizzlet & Farindale never voted for him never could vote for him; Whistle & Sharp had, and would again. So the sheriff went down to Puddleford, and very politely informed them, with a wink, that lie had that execution against them, and it must be paid. Jest so jest so, answered Sharp, reading over the writ: Whistle & Sharp always pay always have a pile of assets ready for a levy ; and returning the execution to the sheriff, begged a moment s delay, until we could consult with our attorney. Mr. Turtle was consulted, and the conclusion of Sharp s interview with him amounted to this : that Turtle should go immediately, and purchase for Whistle & Sharp the old steamboat-cylinder, crank, and shaft ; and the parties sepa rated. The steamboat-cylinder, crank, and shaft, alluded to, was what Turtle called the Puddleford bank metallic basis. Some years before, a steamboat, on an exploring expedition up the river among its windings and sand-bars, was wrecked, and a heavy cylinder, crank, and shaft, thrown ashore at * This is the substance of a portion of the act, as it stood in force some years. THE APPRAISERS. 157 Puddleford, where they lay at the period I speak of, and. had for a long time, deeply imbedded in sand. This mass of iron, weighing many tons, had for a long time been a perpetual bar to the collection of all debts against Puddlefordians. Chitty, in his Pleadings, never invented one so omnipotent. It suspended every execution directed against it. It was transferred, by bill of sale, from one Puddlefordian to anoth er, (as no creditor was ever found willing to receive it at any price,) as necessity required, and was considered, by common consent, public property a bank, as Turtle called it, to which any person had a right to resort in distress. * Turtle took a bill of sale of this iron from the last man in trouble, and turned it out to the sheriff on the execution against Whistle & Sharp. Now, Mr. Sheriff, said Turtle, triumphantly, bring on your appmers : a thousand dollars worth of property to pay a little over three hundred. My clients, Whistle & Sharp, are bunkum yet allers stands up to the rack at the end of an execution. Bring on your appr/zers, Mr. Sheriff. Mr. Turtle chose an appra ser first a second cousin of Mr. Whistle, of the firm of Whistle & Sharp, and a man who was deeply in debt on their books a bilious, weazen- faced, melancholy-looking man, who had acquired a great reputation for wisdom by saying nothing whose name was Clink et. No one appearing to choose for the plaintiffs, the sheriff selected the other two. He named Mr. Troper, a seedy old fellow, whose crown was half out of his hat, whose beard was white, his nose red, and who had a whiskey- cough, and who was in the habit of visiting the barrel-tap of Whistle & Sharp three or four times a day, in considera tion of odd jobs performed by him around the store ; also, Mr. Fatler, a chubby-faced, twinkle-eyed wag, who would * This is a literal fact. 153 PULDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. not hesitate to perpetrate a good joke, even under oath, par ticularly upon non-residents. The Puddlefordians were out in mass to see Follett <fe Co. try a run on their bank. Many remarks were made. Bulliphant said the cylinder alone cost five hundred dol lars. Snipes said * it was a bully piece of stuff. How much is the debt? inquired Bates. * Two thirds of twelve hundred, exclaimed Turtle, loudly, * is eight hundred. Worth the debt for old iron, said the Colonel. These remarks, designed for the appraisers, had their ef fect ; they examined ; they figured ; retired for consultation ; returned ; retired again ; and finally appraised the property turned out at sixteen hundred dollars ; paying, at two thirds its value, the debt of Whistle <fe Sharp, and leaving a very handsome surplus due them from their creditors. But I am very happy to be enabled to say that Whistle <fe Sharp most magnanimously offered to release all their claim on the levy to Follett & Co., if they would take the property, and discharge the judgment and costs, making, as they said in their letter to them, a clear profit on their part of from four to five hundred dollars. MORE ARRIVALS. 159 CHAPTER XIII. The Tev Nag Conflicting Theories Oxergin and Hydergin Teazle s Rationale The Scourge of the "West Sile Bates, and his Condition Squire Longbow, and Jim Buzzard Puddleford Prostrate Various Practitioners The Billerous Duck Pio neer Martyrs Wave over Wave. DURING my first fall s residence at Puddleford, I frequently heard a character spoken of, who seemed to be full as famous in the annals of the place as Squire Longbow himself. He was called by a great variety of names, and very seldom alluded to with respect. He was termed the Fev-Nag, the Ag-an-Fev, the Shakin Ager, the * Shakes, and a great variety of other hard names were visited upon him. That he was the greatest scourge Puddleford had to con tend with, no one denied. Who he really was, what he was, where born, and for what purpose, was a question. Dobbs had one theory, Short another, and Teazle still another. Dr. Dobbs said that his appearance must be accounted for in this wise that the marshes were all covered with water in the Spring, that the sun began to grow so all-fir d hot long bout July and August, that it cream d over the water with a green scum, and rotted the grass, and this all got stewed inter a morning fog, that rose up and elated itself among the Ox-er-gin and Hy-der-gin, and pizened every body it touched. Dr. Dobbs delivered this opinion at the public house, in a very oracular style. I noticed several Puddlefordians in his presence at the time, and before he closed, their jaws drop- J60 PUDDLEFOUD AND ITS PEOPLE. ped, and tlieir gaping mouths and expanded eyes \vfce fixed upon him with wonder. Dr. Teazle declared that * Dobbs did n t know any thing about it. He said the ager was buried up in the airth, and that when the sile was turned up, it got loose, and folks breath d it into their lungs and from the lungs it went into the liver, and from the liver it went to the kidneys, and the secretions got fuzzled up, and the bile turn d black, and the blood did n t run, and it set every body s inards all a-tremblinV Without attempting the origin of the ague and fever, it was, and always has been the scourge of the West. It is the foe that the West has ever had to contend with. It delays improvement, saps constitutions, shatters the whole man, and lays the foundation for innumerable diseases that follow and finish the work for the grave. It is not only ague and fever that so seriously prostrates the pioneer ; but the whole family of intermittent and remittent fevers, all results of the same cause, press in to destroy. Perhaps no one evil is so much dreaded. Labor, privation, poverty are nothing in comparison. It is, of course, fought in a great variety of ways, and the remedies are as numerous as they are ridiculous. A physician who is really skillful in the treatment of these diseases is, of course, on the road to wealth, but skillful physicians were not frequent in Puddle- ford, as the reader has probably discovered. I recollect that during the months of September and October, subsequently to my arrival, all Puddleford was * down, to use the expression of the country ; and if the reader will bear with me, and pledge himself not to accuse me of trifling with so serious a subject, I will endeavor to describe Puddleford in distress. I will premise by saying that it is expected that persons SILE BATES DOWN. 161 who are on their feet during these visitations, give up their time and means to those \vho are not. There is a noble ness of soul in a western community in this respect, that does honor to human nature. A village is one great family every member must be provided for old grudges are, for the t : me, buried. I have now a very vivid remembrance of seeing Sile Bates, one bright October morning, walking through the main street of Puddleford, at the pace of a funeral procession, his old winter overcoat on, and a faded shawl tied about his cheeks. Sile informed me that he believed the ager was comia on-ter him that he had a spell on t the day be fore, and the day before that that he had been a-stewin up things to break the fits, and clean out his constitution, but it stuck to him like death on-ter a nigger he said his woman and two boys were shakin like all possess t, and he rally believed if some body did n t stop it, the log cabin would tumble down round their ears. He said there war n t nobody to do nuthin bout house, and that all the neighbors were worse off than he was. Sile was a melancholy object indeed. And in all con science, reader, did you ever behold so solemn, wo-begone a thing on the round earth, as a man undergoing the full merits of ague and fever ? Sile sat down on a barrel and commenced gaping and stretching, and now and then drop ped a remark expressive of his condition. He finally began to chatter, and the more he chattered, the more ferocious he waxed. He swore that if he ever got well, he d burn his house, sell his traps, bandon his land, pile his family into his cart, hitch on his oxen, and drive em, and drive em to the north pole, where there war n t no ager, he knew. One rninit, he said, he was a-freezin , and then he was a- burnin , and then he was a-sweatin to death, and then he 162 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. had a well day, and that did n t mount to nothin , for the critter was only gettin strength to jump on him agin the next. Sile at last exhausted himself, and getting upon his feet went off muttering and shaking toward his house. The next man I met was Squire Longbow. The Squire was moving slower, if possible, than Bates. His face looked as if it had been just turned out of yellow oak, and his eyes were as yellow as his face. As the Squire never surrendered to any thing, I found him not disposed to surrender to ague and fever. He said * he d only had a little brush, but he d knock it out on-him in a day or two. He was jist goiu out to scrape some elder bark up, to act as an emetic, as Aunt Sonora said if he scraped it down, it would have t other effect and that would kill it as dead as a door-nail. I soon overhauled Jim Buzzard, lying half asleep in the bottom of his canoe, brushing oft flies with an oak branch. Jim, too, was a case, but it required something more than sickness to disturb his equilibrium. Jim said he war n t sick, but he felt the awfullest tired any dog ever did he was the all-thunderest cold t other day, he ever was in hot weather somethin nother came on-ter him all of a sud- dint, and set his knees all goin and his jaws a quiv rin , and so he li d down in-ter the sun, but the more he H d, the more he kept on a shakin , and then that are all went off agin, and he d be darned to gracious, if he did n t think he d burn up and so he just jumped inter the river, and cool d off and, now he feel d jist so agin and so he d got where the sun could strike him a little harder this time. What shall a feller do? at last inquired Jim. Take medicine, said I. * Not by a jug-full, said Jim. Them are doctors don t get any of their stuff down my throat. If I can t stand it as long as the ager, then I 11 give in. Let-er-shake if it JIM BUZZARD AND THE ACER. "Them are doctors don t set anv or" their stuff down my throat. If I can t stand a* Ions; as the agf.r, then I ll give in. 1 Fus-e 162 GENERAL I*rv*i*KNESS 16f> warnts to it works harder than I do, and will get tir d bym-by. Have you a little plug by-yer jest now, as I have n t had a chew sin morning, as it may help a feller some ? Jim took the tobacco, rolled over in his canoe, gave a grunt, and composed himself for sleep. This portrait of Buzzard would not be ludicrous, if it was not true. Whether Socrates or Plato, or any other heathen philosopher, has ever attempted to define this kind of happi ness, is more than I can say. In fact, reader, I do not be- live that there was one real Jim Buzzard in the whole Grecian republic. But why speak of individual cases ? Nearly all Puddle- ford was prostrate man, woman, and child. There were a few exceptions, and the aid of those few was nothing com pared to the great demand of the sick. It was providential that the nature of the disease admitted of one well day, because there was an opportunity to exchange works, and the sick of to-day could assist the sick of to-morrow, and so vice versa. I looked through the sick families, and found the patients in all conditions. One lady had just broke the ager on-to her by sax-fax tea, mix d with Columbo. Another had been a-tryin eli-cum-paine and pop lar bark, but it didn t lie good on her stomach, and made her eny most crazy. Another woman was so as to be crawlin , another was * getting quite peert another couldn t keep any thing down, she felt so qualmy another said, the disease was runnin her right inter the black janders, and then she was gone another had run clear of yesterday s chill, and was now going to weather it, and so on, through scores of cases. It is worthy of note, the popular opinion of the character of this disease. Although Puddleford had been afflicted with it for years, yet it was no better understood by the 164 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. mass of community than it was at first. I have already given the opinion of Dobbs and Teazle of the causes of the ague ; but as Dobbs and Teazle held entirely different theo ries, Puddleford was not much enlightened by their wisdom. (If some friend will inform me when and where any communi-" ty was ever enlightened by the united opinion of its physicians, I will publish it in my next work.) Aunt Sonora had a theory which was a little old, but it was her s, and she had a right to it. She said no body on airth could live with a stomach full of bile, and when the shakin ager come on, you d jest got-ter go to work and get off all the bile bile was the ager, and physicians might talk to her till she was gray, bout well folks having bile she knowM better t war n t no such thing. Now Aunt Sonora practised upon this theory, and the excellent old lady administered a cart-load of boneset every season blows to elevate the bile, and the leaf as a tonic. However erroneous her theory might have been, I am bound to say that her practice was about as successful as that of the regular physician. Mr. Beagle declared that the ague was in the blood, and the patient must first get rid of all his bad blood, and then the ager would go along with it. Swipes said it was all in the stomach. Dobbs said the billerous duck chok d up with the mash fogs, and the secretions went every which way, and the liver got as hard as sole-leather, and the patient becom sick, and the ager set in, and then the fever, and the hull system got-er goin wrong, and if it war n t stopped, natur d give out, and the man would die. Teazle said * it com d from the plough d earth, and got inter the air, and jist so long as folks breath d aguery air, jist so long they d have the ager. Turtle said the whole tribe on em, men-doctors and worn en -doctors, were blockheads, and the VARYING OPINIONS. 165 surest way to get rid of the ager, was to let it run, and when it had run itself out, it would stop, and not afore. Here then, was Ptiddleford, at the mercy of a dozen theories, and yet men and women recovered, when the sea son had run its course, and were tolerably sure of health, until another year brought around another instalment of miasma. How many crops of men have been swept off by the malaria of every new western country, I will not attempt to calculate ! How many, few persons have ever attempted ! This item very seldom goes into the cost of colonization. Pioneers are martyrs in a sublime sense, and it is over their bones that school-houses, churches, colleges, learning, and refinement are finally planted. But the death of a pioneer is a matter of no moment in our country it is almost as trifling a thing as the death of a soldier in an Indian fight. There is no glory to be won on any such field. One genera tion rides over another, like waves over waves, and no such miserable interrogatory, as Where has it gone ? or How did it go ? is put ; but What did it do ? What has it left behind ? Any one who has long been a resident in the West, must have noticed the operation of climate upon the constitution. The man from the New-England mountains, with sinews of steel, soon finds himself flagging amid western miasma, and a kind, of stupidity creeps over him, that it is impossible to shake off. The system grows torpid, the energies die, in difference takes possession, and thus he vegetates he does not live. And, dear reader, it does not lighten the gloom of the picture, to find Dobbs, and Teazle, and Short quarrelling over the remains of some departed one, endeavoring to de lude the public into something themselves have no conception 166 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. of, about the manner in which he or she went out of the world. Not that all the physicians are Dobbses or Teazles, but these sketches are written away out on the rim of soci ety, the rim of Western society, where the townships are not yet all organized, and a sacred regard in fc>-vtK Compels me to record facts as they exist. UNCOMMONLY COMMON SCHOOLS. J 6V CHAPTER XIV. Uncommonly Common Schools Annual School District Meeting Accounts for Contingent Expenses Turtle, and Old Gulick s Boy That are Glass The Colonel starts the wheels again Bulli- phant s Tactics Have we hired Dea. Fluett s darter, or not ? Izabel Strickett Bunker Hill and Turkey Sah-Jane Beagles The Question Settled. COMMON schools are said to be the engine of popular liberty. I think we had some of the most ran-commonly common school*, at Puddleford that could be found any where under the wings of the American eagle. Our system was, of course, the same as that of all other townships in the State, but its administration was riot in all respects what it should be. Our schools were managed by Puddlefordians, and they were responsible only for the talent which had been given them. Every citizen knows that our government is a piece of mechanism, made up of wheels within wheels, and while these wheels are in one sense totally indep ndent, and stand still or turn as they are moved or let alone, yet they may indirectly affect the whole. In other words, our government is like a cluster of Chinese balls, curiously wrought within, and detached from each other, and yet it is, after all, but one ball. There is something beautiful in the construction and operation of this piece of machinery. A school-district is one machine, a township another, a county another, and a state another all independent organiza tions, yet every community must work its own organization. They are not operated afar off by some great central power, over the heads of the people ; but they are worked by the people themselves, for themselves. t$ PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. However clumsily the work may be performed at first, practice makes perfect, and men become the masters, as well as the administrators of their own laws. We had an annual school-district meeting in the village of Puddleford and there were many others in the country at the same time for the township was cut up into several districts, and I never attended one that did not end in a l row, to use a Western classical expression. The business of these meetings was all prescribed by statute, and it amounted to settling and allowing the accounts of the board for the last school year, voting contingent fund for the next, determining whether a school should be taught by a male or a female teacher, and for how many months, and the election of new officers. The last meeting I attended, Longbow was in the chair by virtue of his office as president of the school district board. Being organized, the clerk of the board presented his ac count for contingent expenses, and Longbow wished to know if the meetin would pass em. 1 Turtle wanted to hear em read. Longbow said the only account they had was in their head. Turtle said that war n t cording to the staterts. Longbow said he d risk that his word was as good as any body s writin , or any statert. Turtle said he d hear what they was, but t war n t right, and for his part, he didn t b lieve the board know d what they d been about for the last six months. Longbow raised his green shade from his blind eye, rose on his feet, looked down very ferociously upon Turtle, stamped bis foot, and informed Ike that this was an org nized meet- in. , and he mustn t reflect on-ter the officers of the ck-strict; t was criminal ! SQUANDERING FUNDS. 169 The account was then repeated by Longbow, item by item, and among the rest was two shillings for setting glass. When glass was mentioned, Turtle sprang to his feet again. * Thar, old man, he exclaimed, rapping his knuckles on the desk, * thar s where I se got you thar s a breach er trust, a squand rin of funds, that aint a-going to go down in this ere meeting. Old Gulick s boy broke that are glass just out of sheer dev ltry, and you s pose this ere school rf<?-strict is a-going to pay for t? What do you s pose these ere staterts was passed for ? What do you s pose you was lectedfor? To pay for old Gulick s boy? well, I rather caklate not, by the light of this ere moon not in this ere age of Puddleford ! Squire Longbow took a large chew of plug-tobacco, which I thought he nipped off very short, and remained standing j with his eyes fixed on Turtle. Sile Bates rose, and said * he wanted to know the particu lars bout that are glass ! Longbow said the board spended money in their scretion, and twar n t fur Turtle or Bates, or any body else, to raigii em up fore this ere meetinV Here was a long pause. The Colonel finally arose, put his hand deliberately into his pocket, drew out a quarter, and flung it at the Squire, and hop d the meetin would go on, as it was the first public gathering that he ever knew blocked by twenty-five cents. This settled the difficulty, and the report for contingent expenses was adopted. Bulliphant then said he had a motion. He moved that wo hire Deacon Fluett s darter to keep our school. The Squire said * the meetin could n t hire, but it could say male or female teacher. 8 170 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Buliiphant moved we hire a female, and we recommend Deacon Fluett s darter. Bates said he jest as lieve have one of Fluett s two year olds. The Colonel said she could n t spell Baker.* Swipes thought she was scarcely fit to go to school. Turtle said the meetin had n t got nothin to do with it, no-how, and the whole motion was agin law. Buliiphant, who had become a little out of humor, then moved that we do n t hire Deacon Fluett s darter. Bates declar d the motion out of order. The Squire said he guess d the motion was proper. The staterts said the meetin shouldn t hire any body, but the de-strict board should ; and this ere motion was just cording to statert. But the meeting voted down Bulliphant s motion, and Buliiphant then declared that the vote was tan-ter-mount to a resolve, to hire the woman. Here was a parliamentary entanglement that occupied an hour; but the Colonel settled it at last, by reminding the president that it was two negatives that made one affirma tive not one ; and the Squire said so he believed he had seen it laid down inter the books. But I cannot attempt to report the proceedings of this miscellaneous body. The business occupied some four or five hours, and was finally brought to a close. A new school board was elected, and your humble servant was one of the number ; positively the first office that was ever visited upon him. The great question with two of the members of our board, in hiring a teacher, wa^> the price. Qualification was second ary. The first applici tion was made by a long-armed, red- STRICKETT S EXAMINATION. 171 necked, fiery-headed youth of about nineteen years, who had managed to run himself up into the world alout six feet two inches, and who had not worn off his flesh by hard study, and who carried about him digestive organs as strong as the bowels of a thrashing-machine. He wanted a school, cause he had nothing else to do in the winter months. He was accordingly introduced to our School Inspectors ; the only one of whom I knew was Bates. The other two were rather more frightened at the presentation than the applicant himself. Bates proposed first to try the gentleman in geography, and history. Where s Bunker Hill ? inquired Bates, au thoritatively. Wai, bout that, said Strickett our applicant called his name Izabel Strickett bout that, why, it s where the battle was fit, war n t it ? Jes so, replied Bates ; and where was that ? Down at the east ard. 4 Who did the fighting there ? Gin ral Washington fit all the revolution. 4 Where s Spain ? 4 Where ? repeated Strickett Spain ? where is it ? * Yes ! where ? Wai now, exclaimed Strickett, looking steadily on the floor. I ll be darrTd if that ere haint just slipped my mind. Where s Turkey ? Oh yes, said Strickett, Turkey the place they call Turkey if you d ask d me in the street, I d told you right off, but I Ve got so fruster d I do n t know nothin , and thinking a moment, he exclaimed, it s where the Turks live. I thought I know d. How many States are there in the Union ? 172 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. "Tween twanty-five and thirty throwin out Canady. 1 Bates then attempted an examination in reading and spell ing. l Spell hos ! said Bates. <H o s; * Thunder ! roared Bates. Bates did know how to spell horse. lie had seen notices of stray horses, and a horse was the most conspicuous object in Puddleford, excepting, of course, Squire Longbow. II o s ! that s a hos-of-a- way to spell hos, and Bates looked at Strickett very severely, feeling a pride of his own knowledge. Strickett said he us d the book when he teach d school he did n t teach out of his head and he did n t believe the spectors themselves could spell Ompompanoosuck right off, without getting stuck. IzabeFs examination was something after this sort, through the several English br -inches ; yet a majority of the Board of School Inspectors decided to give him a certificate, if we said so, as he was to teach our school, and we were more in terested than they in his qualifications; and whether the In spectors knew what his qualifications really were this deponent saith not. Strickett sloped. The next application was by letter. The epistle declared that the applicant brok d his arm inter a saw-mill, and he could n t do much out-door werk till it heal d up agin, and if we d hire him to carry on our sckool, he tho t he would make it go well nough, but the School Board decided that all-powerful as sympathy might be, it could scarcely drive a district school under such orthography, syntax, and prosody. Next appeared Mrs. Beagle, in behalf of her Sah-Jane. She know d Sah-Jane, and she knovv d Sah-Jane was jist the thing for the Puddleford school ; and if we only knovv d Sah-Jane as well as she know d Sah-Jane, we d have her, SAH-JANE S ILL-SUCCESS. 173 cost what it might. She said Sah-Jane was a most s pri- sin gal she hung right to her books, Jay and night and she know d she had a sleight at teachin . Mr. Giblett s folks told Mr. Brown s folks, so she heer d, that if they ever did get Sah-Jane into that ere school, she d make a buzzin* that would tell some. Sah-Jane s case was, however, indefinitely postponed. Some objections, among other things, on the score of age, were suggested. This roused the wrath of Mrs. Beagle, and she * guessed her Sah-Jane was old enough to teach a Pud- dleford school if she tho t she warn t, she d bile her up in-ter soap-grease, and sell her for a shilling a quart ! and as for the de-strict board, they d better go to a school-marm themselves, and lam somethin , or be lected over agin , she didn t care which ; and Mrs. Beagle left at a very quick step, her face much flushed and full of cayenne and vengeance. There were a great many more applications, and at last, the Board hired I say the Board / didn t. But the other members overruled me, and price, not qualification, settled the question at Iqst This was the way the machinery was worked in our school-district, during the very early days of Puddleford. As the stream never rises above the fountain-head, education was quite feeble. But we do better now there is less friction on our gudgeons, and if Puddleford should turn out a President one of these days, it would be nothing more than what our glorious institutions have before ground out under more discouraging circumstances. J74 PTJDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XV. Abolition Meeting at Puddleford The Late Rev. Mr. Billet Longbow, and his Responsibilities Collision between Bates and the Squire The Log-Chapel filled Bates Opening Remarks Turtle s Interpolations An Open Question Longbow, to the Rescue ! Three Cheers Appointment of a President Mr. Billet His Philosophy of the Institution of Slavey Turtle on Hand What would Billett Do ? Resolutions Offered by Sile Bates Ike s Amendments Adjournment of the Meeting, and Hegira of the Lecturer. I THINK I told you, reader, at the commencement of these sketches, that Puddleford was in the United States that it was a part of this great republic a brick in the temple of freedom. Puddleford was, of course, brimful of pa triotism. She was very jealous of her rights, too. Squire Longbow used to say that part of the United States capitol-building, of the great docksj men-of-war, gov ment lands, and a great many more things belonged to Puddle- ford, and we d got to take care on-em that there warn t no use in letting things go hilter-skilter, and if Pud- ileford made her voice heard, they would n t. Public meetings were often held for the good of the Union reso- Utions adopted both of praise and of condemnation and when our country was in jeopardy, Longbow and Turtle gave a set-speech, that made it all shake again ! Reader, you have attended an abolition meeting bul then you never did at Puddleford* We used to have meet ings that were meetings. What if we were a mere nook or corner of the world; wren the political waters were MR. BILLET S MISSION. 175 agitated by a national question, the surf rolled in around us as tempest-tost, and furiously, as any where else. We had an * abolition meeting about the^e days. It was got up by a roving character, who had busied himself turn ing men and things topsy-turvy for a twelve-month. He came into Puddleford, one evening, on foot, carrying a black bag and a heavy staff. His eye was wild, his hair red, his face pock-marked. lie stopped at Bulliphant s tavern, and placarded his mission as follows : MILLIONS OF NEGROES IN BONDAGE! 4 All starving for bread! bound in chains! and a- groaning for freedom ! The late Rev. Mr. Billet will lecture at the Log-chapel, this evening, on the eternal rights of man, negro-slavery, kidnapping, &c., and will answer all questions that may be asked ! Now, Turtle and Longbow were what are called pro- slavery men. Bates was an abolitionist. Turtle, who hap pened to be by, read the notice, and said, he d go and hear him, as it was the first time he d had an opportunity of hearing a dead man speak. Billet, who sat near and heard the remark, said he warn t dead he was only a late Rev. not a late Mr. Billet. Turtle asked him where he preached ? Billet said he us d to lecter the Sunday-school down on the JFar-bash. There was a great stir all over Puddleford, as soon as the notice became public. Any new event excited the Puddle- fordians, but Billet s notice created unusual commotion. Longbow ran up and down the street several times, and used some very large words. He said he was a magistrate, and kept the peace, and all the laws of the country must be 176 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE look d arter by him. He did n t know whether the notice was agin the constitution or not, but if he rally tho t it was, he M blow it to flinders. There warn t nothin in the staterts for it, or agin it. It rather run in-ter the chapter on con spiracies and affrays, but the row had n t begun yet. And the people had a right to talk that had been decided by Jefferson and Story. He would say, however, that every body had better recollect that they were citizens of a great republic, and lie hoped they would n t do nothing to injure the feelings of the men who made the Declaration of In dependence. Sile Bates, who heard the Squire through, said there warn t no danger of that now, he guessed the meetin had got to go on. The Squire replied to Bates with profound dignity, that he - must n t say got-to to him ! he was a justice ! duly elected and sworn ! and was under oath every minute! and he would commit him for contempt, in-*tan-ter, or sum- ril-y, as Story has it ! Bates told the Squire, in a triumphant way, that he couldn t do it he didn t know how, to make out the writin s the meeting must go on and he might go to ! The Squire said he would order Bates to be arrested and that was all the law required of him if the people of Puddleford would stand by and see the laws trampled in-ter the dirt, he could n t help it but he M report r em all to the higher Courts, for treason ! The Squire, filled with wrath and patriotism, hurried to his office, and set himself about a state of preparation for the meeting. He called in Turtle to aid him in his troubles. Turtle, who was really the pillar of Puddleford, as our read ers have seen, although he managed things in his ow BATES TAKES THE CHAIR. 177 peculiar way, directed the Squire to * take all ihe staterts, and pamphlets, and speeches he could find up to the meet ing, and they d give em fits til the fur flew ! The Log-chapel was filled at the time appointed. All Puddleford was there -and many had attended for the first time an abolition meeting not knowing what it was, in fact, held for or what was to be the subject discussed. Bates took the chair, and placed Mr. Billet at his right hand, and called the meeting to order. Now, in truth, Bates was a fanatic. He looked at every thing in the world through negro-slavery it was the prism that colored every object beyond it he had torn this idea from every other truth with winch it is connected, and he rode it out of sight and hearing of common sense and common reason. He belonged to that class of persons, who say there is no such thing as ultraism, because a truth cannot be carried too far - for getting the relation that exists between different truths. Bates believed the negro-race was in nature superior to the white, and often declared that the fore-fathers of the South ern slaves built Memphis and Thebes, and he warn t certain that Adam himself \vas white. It was impossible to begin a conversation with him that did n t end in his favorite sub ject. If one alluded to the arrival of the mail in his presence, he informed us that we paid postage for the 4 bloody-slaveholders, as he called the whole South. He hated cotton-goods, molasses and brown sugar, because it all smelt of slavery he fairly hated the map of the South ern States; but never mind, Bates took the chair. Feller citizens, said Bates, rising, you ve hearn the notice, and know what we re come for. There are a great many color d gentlemen down South some call em nig gers but they are just as much gentlemen as you or I ~ nrllions on-Vn tied up in-ter bondage, too grievous to be 178 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. told on, and we ve come here to do something for 7 em. Now, continued Bates, swinging his right arm violently over his head, and stamping his foot, I m for just bursting their bonds at onst not an hour not a minute more of these ere chains! (Cheers.) The negro, said Bates, after the cheering lulled, is the most ancientest man we read of. There was a Mr. Canible, or Hannibal, or Skip-io (Mr. Bil let rose, and said it was Scipio) a Mr. Skipio, who led the armies of the world, and he was as black as the ace of spades. (Mr. Turtle here rose and said that warn t so he was a copper-color most likely an Indian or some other kind of a man. ) Black as the ace of spades! I repeat it, continued Bates and then there was a Mr. Tolumus, (Ptolemy,) who built Thebes, and all the Thebans themselves, negroes every soul on em, and if you do n t be lieve it, just go to museums and look at their mummies ail( j . Mr. Turtle rose again, and would like to know whether General Washington was a negro or a white man ? Bates, in reply, said he did n t want to be disturbed, but as he, the Gin ral, was a Virginian, he rather guess d it was an open question. Mr. Turtle informed Mr. Bates that he was a jackass ! and that warn t an open question. Bates looked down very indignantly, from his elevated po sition, and informed Turtle, that if he war n t a-sorter Presi dent of this ere meeting, he would quietly boot him out of the house. At this point, several persons in the audience sprang to their feet ; and among them I noticed the Colonel, Long bow, Bulliphant, Beagle, and Swipes. Longbow instantly fluttered a cotton handkerchief over the crowd, to attract the attention of those persons who might not be aware of his THE SQUIRE GOES IN FOR FREE DISCUSSION. 179 august presence, and, after fixing the eyes and ears of all, said in a heavy, sepulchral tone : In the name of the People of the State of , and by virtue of the Constitution of the United States, this ere thing can t go on no longer ; all this meetin has gone along t o ther eend up, ever since it open d. The contract was that .Billet should speak, (Here the Squire blew his nose with the said cotton handkerchief, and drew out one of Billet s notices, calling the meeting, and shook it fiercely at Billet,) and la is la and contracts is contracts, and frauds is frauds, and the patience of this au dience is nearly gin out. The Squire said, * he did n t come to hear Bates speak he d rather stay at home, and hear the W<ip-per-wills sing, than fool away his time with Bates, on Boblition. Mr. Billet had the right-er freedom of speech and after examinin the thorities on that pint, he rathei tho t he had a right to go ahead, but he must n t trample on-ter the sovereignty of the people nor use hash language agin the laws, for them he had sworn to protect and he meant to do it fodder or n6 fodder. The Squire sat down and puffed heavily. The Colonel instantly sprang upon bis feet and proposed three cheers for Longbow, who had so clearly defined things, and the three cheers were accordingly given. The Colonel made his motion ironically, but the audience received it in good faith. An hour was thus passed, and the meeting was not yet organized ; in fact, its -preliminaries were not yet settled. Bates was temporarily self-constituted President, and Billet sat by his side, waiting for its formal organization, and had so sat during all this time. Sile Bates now stepped up to the side of the desk, and, peering around among his friends, through the shadows cast by the four tallow candles that glimmered by his side re- 180 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPL . ally hop d some gentleman would move the appointment of a reg lar President but there was no motion made ; P raps the Colonel will do it, continued Sile, fixing his eye upon him, in the north-east corner of the house. Can t do it, no how, answered the Colonel * I go for Longbow and the Constitution don t know but it would be treason to make such a motion the country has used me hard, but I go for it right or wrong. Longbow jumped up, and, turning round to the Colonel, remarked, that such a motion war n t treason and for fear he might be charg d with standing in the way of free speech, he d make it himself, and so he did, and Sile was elected President. Mr. Billet was introduced by Bates to the audience, as a man, among other things, who war n t afear d of nothing, and made wickedness shake in high places. I suppose I ought to give my readers a description of Bil let not for his own sake, but because he is one of a class of men, whose history ought to be written for the benefit of mankind in general. Billet was born of respectable parents, and lounged about he never worked his father s farm, until he had arrived at about eighteen years of age he then taught school then travelled the country lecturing as a phrenologist then lectured against phrenology then turned root doctor then commenced preaching on his * own hook, overturning all theological notions but his own, and his own theology was made up of matters and things in general he then became an infidel then changed back again, and preached more furiously than ever. He had been a whig, a democrat, and was now, and for the last five years had been, an abolitionist and this last calling had taken such violent hold of him, that it seemed to have swallowed up l)is whole previous history. He was ignorant, confident, tur- MR. BILLET S LECTURE. 181 bulent, and like a certain other gentleman we read of, in the book of Job, he was always happy in a storm. I shall not attempt to report Mr. Billet s speech, verbatim ; I must take his strong points from recollection. lie opened his subject by informing his bearers, that he was what was called an American citizen, but lie was goin to talk the truth straight out, America or no America. He wanted every man to gin his attention, and not to holler, un less the truth made him holler, as he prayed it might. (Ike Turtle here gave a loud Amen ! ) He then said * that folks talked about the Constitution of the United States but, my hearers, exclaimed Billet, there ain t no such thing that instrument ain t worth any more than blank paper, because it enslaves negroes, and keeps them a-sweatiu , and a-groan- in , and a-dyin , a-down among the swamps of Mississippi ! Mr. Billet said he spos d there were some four to eight millions of these ere creturs dying in this sort o-way. lie would go into the history of negro slavery, and, tin-owing the Constitution aside, and taking the Bible, and the everlastiu rights of man, would show how matters had got into sich a horrible fix. The first negro was one Mr. Ham, the son of a Mr. Noah, who built the ark, and went out at the time of the flood you ll find his life in Gin-$\*. Mr. Noah had three sons, two white, and one black. Mr. Ham war n t a fav wte of his father, and he turn d him adrift, somewhere on rat. He went down in Africa, and settled all by himself, and his two brothers went away by themselves. There he built great cities, and got-ter-be a king and died. Now, my hearers, would you believe it, the very first thing we did, arU-r settliu this country, was to go over and steal Ham s children, and work em to death, and /Mr. Turtle here rose and said he W never stole any on em.) 182 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. what s to be done, is the next question for to night, continued Billet, disregarding Ike s parenthesis. Mr. Turtle said he d make a proposition. Mr. Billet hoped * he would not be disturb d. Mr. Turtle thought he could settle the whole question tc the satisfaction of the meetin , and save further argument. Mr. Billet said he* d come to lecter. Mr. Turtle * thought we had better buy up the whole slave population, and send em back agin, and he d a subscription paper ready to do it, and Turtle pulled out a very long paper and held it up to Billet. Mr. Billet * would n t buy the freedom of human beings they d a right to their liberty, any-how. Mr. Turtle then hoped our forefathers, or their children, would fork back the money they got, when they sold out their blacks to the South, arter the revolution. Mr. ^Billet said * that was a great while ago t was out law d. Mr. Turtle thought there would be the more interest due on V Mr. Billet requested Squire Longbow to command the peace. The Squire said it was onconstitutional to put down free discussion. Mr. Turtle said he would withdraw for the present so Mr. Billet proceeded. But he was under excitement. The flurry which had taken place, broke the thread of his dis course, which was running on so tranquilly, and Billet, en raged, broke out into a storm. He believed the govern mei.t was a farce, got up by a gang of speculators, in 1776 ! that it wa n t good-for-nothing, and did n t bind nobody ! Yvvant made for nothing but jest to keep the negroes un der ! That it was a great insterment of fraud ! that for GREAT EXCITEMENT. 183 his part he tore every paper that run agin the una/-in-er-able and divine rights of man, into nonentity, arid scattered it to the four winds that all the glory of the United States did n t pay for slaving one black man, and for his part, he was ready now to to to (Here Billet stamped his foot, and looked wild, and paused.) * Well, exclaimed Turtle, springing to his feet, and shaking his forefinger deliberately at Billet, as he hung sus pended in the midst of his sentence * what in cre-a-ted airth would you do ! Down plunged Billet. You are a blackguard ! he ex claimed, turning to Ike, and striking the desk with his fist. That s a matter of opinion, answered Ike. 4 You re another, exclaimed the Colonel, directing his re mark to Billet. 4 You are a tory, sir ! ejaculated Longbow; you are a tory, sir ! Longbow was in a passion his face was flushed and his whole frame trembled. / 1 say you are a tory, Mr. Billet. You re out side-er the pale of law, the staterts, and the constitution. You Ve laid yourself open to be hung, or gibbeted, and most any other kind-er ignerminious death. Better men than you, sir, died long ago, on the scaffold, a-warnin to mankind. I am justis here, and have been for ten years, and my oath of office is on file in the upper courts. I am a peace-officer, sir. Mr. Turtle will read the staterts, sir; the declaration of independence, sir; the constitution, sir, to you, arter which, no obstrep rous words will be per mitted, under penalty, sir, of going out of that are winder, in that are corner, sir ; under- the chapter on nuisances, rows, and mobs, sir, and the hull common law, sir. Squire Long bow sat down, panting, and large drops of sweat rolled from his face. Mr. Turtle arose, and informed the audience, with much 184 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. gravity but bis gravity looked very quizzical to me that f hings now were getting more solemn-like. That he had been commanded by Squire Longbow, who was a peace officer of Puddleford, to perform a duty, and he d got-ter do it. lie would now say to Mr. Billet, (here Ike opened the Revised Laws, and laid them deliberately in his left hand.) He would say to Mr. Billet, that any thing was a nuisance that was in any body else s way, or in the government s way ; that the tories of 76 were nuisances, and were cons kently pitch d out of the way. Any thing in the way even words of the declaration, or constitution, was a nuisance. This kinder law, continued Ike, you ll find all along in this ere book, from I to Izzard. (Here Ike held up the Revised Laws, over his head, for a minute or more.) And then, continued Ike, this book is dead agin all kind-er rows and mobs. Any body who gets up a row in our country, (here Ike looked hard at Billet,) catches particular fits. A man can / come here and excite folks, by using big words agin our laws that s right inter the face of the statert ; and altho he was talkin as a lawyer, and not as a Puddlefordian, yet he would say that if Mr. Billet used any more language about our forefathers, who were dead and gone, and could n t do nothin for themselves, he d smell fire and brimstone that was all ! Here was a long pause. Suddenly, in the profound still ness, Bates broke out with Hail Columbia ! and sang the first verse to its close. He then rose, with a kind of mock gravity on his face, and inquired of Squire Longbow, if he would please to inform him whether that ere tune was agin the laws. The Squire was silent. Bates said if it war n t he would offer a se* of resolu tions. Bates read i TURTLE S AMENDMENT. 185 Resolved, That every man, white, black, or indifferent, ought to have his liberty. Resolved, That every man, woman, and child, in Puddle- ford, do say, as their solemn opinion, that this ere country ain t worth living in, jest so long as there is such a thing as negro slavery ; and that we 11 either free-em, break up the Union, or clear out ourselves. Resolved, That we won t use any thing made by slave labor, if Ave know it, thereby making the slaveholder feel our power cause it goes right to their pockets. Mr. Bates said he had drawn up the resolutions in great haste, and they were short. Mr. Turtle hop d the President would hold easy, till he got up a substitute. Turtle sat down, and wrote off the following ; and moved to insert them all after the word Resolved : That we don t like negro-slavery any better than Sile Bates, or any other Sile. Resolved, That we ve got negro-slavery, and can t help it that there ain t any body livin now-days who brought the negroes here and that if there was, we d be in favor of their buying em up, and takin em back again that we ve got to weather it the best way we can that hollerin sweating and blowin about them, way up here, don t do any good that we can t see how the negroes are going to get free by breaking up the Union, cause that 11 just leave em where they are, and nobody up here to look arter em and as for clearing out ourselves, we could nt think of that, not no-how there ain t no place to go to. Resolved, That if Puddleford should stop using any thing made by slave-labor/ the consequences can t be cal c lated. Resolved That slavery is a kind of bile on the body 186 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. politic, and there ain t no use kicking it, swearing at it, running away from it, or trying to scatter it ; but jest the best way is to take time, and cure it up.* After reading his substitute, Ike again moved to insert the same after the word Resolved] in the original resolutions. Mr. Bates said he was President, and that thing could n t be did in this ere meeting. Mr. Turtle rather thought it could. Mr. Longbow said * the motion had got-ter-be put, for every body had a right to vote on-to any thing they was a min-ter. Mr. Bates would like to see the meetin make him put the motion. Mr. Turtle, who sat near the desk, turned his back upon Bates and Billet; and looking over his shoulder, comically, at the former, told him that for the present, he might goto grass, where Nebuchud-s-zer went once, and he hop d he d have a good time on t and then holding up his substi tute to the audience, cried out, shall these ere pass ? There was a shout of Aye ! Aye ! Aye ! 1 Then, continued Ike, this ere meetin is adjourned. Mr. Bates sprang to his feet, and proposed a collection for Mr. Billet, Leei\Q too late, answered Ike, the meetin s all bust up now, and bodies that ain t organized, can t legally act ; and here, reader, ended Puddleford s last effort in behalf of Slavery. At about six o clock next morning, I saw the flaring coat- tail and carpet-bag of Billet suddenly turn a corner, about a quarter of a mile from Puddleford, on their hurried way to parts unknown. JOHN SMITH. 18? CHAPTER XVI. Some Account of John Smith Xick-Xames Progress of the Age The Colonel s Opinion of Science John Smith s Dream Ike Turtle s Dream Ike takes the Boots. PIONEERS men who grow up in the woods are fa mous for luxuriant imaginations. Every thing, with them, is on a sweeping scale with the natural objects amid which they dwell. The rivers, and lakes, and plains, are great, and seem to run riot so men sometimes run riot, too, in thought, and word, and deed. They deal largely in the extravagant, and do extravagant things, in an extravagant way. I have seen a rusty pioneer, when giving his opinion upon some trite matter, garnish his language with imagery and figures, and clothe himself with an action, that Demos thenes would have copied, if he had met with such in his day. Gestures all graceful, eye all fire, language rough, but strong, $nd an enthusiasm that was magnetic a kind of unpremeditated natural eloquence, that many an one has sought for, but never found. John Smith was an ingenious Puddlefordian, in the way of story-telling. He was almost equal to Ike Turtle. John was a great, stalwart, double-breasted fellow, who cared for nothing, not even himself. A compound made up of dare devil ferocity, benevolence and impudence. His feelings, whether of the higher or lower order, always ran to excess 138 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. He was an importation from Massachusetts, of fair educa tion, and from his recklessness of life, had drifted into Pud- dleford, like many other tempest-tossed vessels, stripped of spars and rigging. Smith s fancy and imagination were always at work. He had nick-named two thirds of Puddle- ford, and there was something characteristic in the appella tions bestowed. One small-eyed man, he called Pink-Eye ; another, a bustling fellow, who made a very great noise, on a very small capital, was known as Bumble-bee ; another, a long-shanked, loose-jointed character, was Giraffe ; Squire Longbow, he christened Old Night-Shade. Turtle was known as * Sky -Rocket ; Bates as Little Coke; the Colone 1 as Puff Ball. Indeed, not one. man in twenty was recognized by his true name, so completely had Smith invested the people with titles of his own manufacture. I recollect one of Smith s flights of imagination or.e among many for I can not write out all his mental pro ductions. The Puddlefordians were met, as usual, at Bulliphant s. That was the place, we have seen, where all public opinion was created. Turtle, and Longbow, and Bates, and the whole roll, even down to Jim Buzzard, were present. The progress of the age was the subject. Turtle thought there was no cac latin what things would come to steam and ingic-rubber were runnin one, etarnal race, and lie guess d they d lay all opposition to the land, and bring on the millennium. Bates said the sciences were doing sun- thin , but they W never make any body better human natur was so shockin wicked, that it would require a heap mor n iujin-rubber to rfjuvify em. Mr. Longbow requested Bates to repeat that ere last word agin. THE COLONEL ON SCIENCE. 189 Bates said it was rejuvify that is, * drag-out, resur rect. The Squire thanked Bates for his explanation. The * Colonel said there was such a thing as too much science. He professed to have lived a scientific life that is, without work but all the while, he found some one a little more scientific, and he had never been able to hold his own any where. He had been stranded fourteen times in his life, owing to a press of science brought against him but the most destructive science in the- known world, was that for the collection of debts. It deprived men of their liberty, their comforts, their property, their friends ; and the manner in which this was all done, was barbarous. He de fied any man to produce as cool-blooded a thing as an execu tion at law, which was a branch of -legal science. Squire Longbow said a fiery facius, (fieri facias*) was one of the most ancientest writs, which he issued, and there war n t nothin cool-blooded or ramptious about it. Mr. Smith sat silently up to this point in the debate. Boys, said he, at last, the world is goin ahead. Talking of science, let me tell you a dream I had last night. But if the reader will permit me, I will give the substance of Smith s dream in my own language. It may detract from its point, but it will be more connected and intelligible. I dreamed, boys, said Smith, that I was in the great Patent-Office, at Washington. I looked, and its ceiling was raised to an enormous height, while through open doors and passages, I saw room after room, groaning with thou sands of models, until it appeared as though I was in a wilderness of machinery. Very soon a pert little gentleman, with a quick black eye, and a * pussy body, arrayed in the queerest costume I ever saw, came bustling up to me, and asked me for my ticket. I involuntarily thrust my hand into 190 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. the depth of my breeches-pocket, and pulling out a card, deliv ered it to him. After looking at the card, and then at me, and then at the card again, he burst out into a loud guffaw, that made the old Patent-Office ring. Why, Sir, said he, 4 this is no ticket. It is the business card of one John Smith, advertising a patent dog-churn, of which he here says he is the real inventor, and it bears date in the year 1840 two hundred years ago ! The churn may be found in room marked Inventions of Year 1840, but the man John Smith we have n t got. I do n t much think he is around above ground, just at this time, said the little man, chuckling. But, said I, who are you, if I am not John Smith ? Were yen not appointed by Polk, Secretary of the Interior, and did I not put a word in his ear favorable to you ? Polk ! a Secretary of the Interior ! exclaimed he ; I appointed by Polk ! Why, my dear Sir, I was appointed only two years ago not two hundred! Chief of the Great Central Department, as the office is now called. While we were talking, Franklin, Adams, Jefferson, and Fulton walked in and took seats. I knew Uncle Ben the moment I cast my eyes upon him. He was dressed in good old 76 style ; shoe-buckles, short breeches, queue, and all; and that same jolly round face and double chin ; that tran quil countenance just touched, without being destroyed, by comedy were all there. Adams and Jefferson I had be fore seen, and they were a little more modern in dress, but they both looked care-worn. Fulton sat apart, and eyed the other three as though he had seen them somewhere, but yet could not call them by name. The rather unexpected arrival of these gentlemen broke up the comments of my bustling interrogator, and one of those pauses occurred which frequently do, upon the appear ance of strangers. Uncle Ben asked Jefferson if he would JOTIX SMITH S DREAM. 191 * not like to move up to the fire and warm his feet ? Fire ! said I, fire ? Why, Uncle Ben, there is no tire-place now- a-days. Stoves and hot-air furnaces are all the go. This building is warmed by a great furnace, and two miles of pipe that conducts the heat to every room in it. Not by a long way ! said my bustling friend not by a long way, Mr. John Smith. This trumpery is all piled away among the inventions of the years that were. These things belong to the age of your dog-churn. Why, gentlemen, continued he, have you never heard of the Great Southern Hot- Air Company, chartered in 1960, whose business it is to furnish warm air from the South to persons at the North ; price to families three dollars a year ; all done by a gigantic under ground tunnel, and branches, worked at the other end by an air-pump ! Have you never heard of this, gentlemen ? Here we get the natural heat of the South, warmed by the sun ; none of your stinking coal and wood gases to corrupt and destroy it. And theu the principle of reciprocity is kept up ; for we send back our cold air in the same way ; and so we keep up an equilibrium, for the South are just as strenuous as ever to keep up the equilibrium of the Union. "VN hy, gentlemen, those stoves required constant care. As often as every week it was necessary to replenish them with wood or coal. No ! no ! those improrements belonged to the dark Bg -. Bless me ! exclaimed Uncle Ben. Impossible ! * repeat ed Fulton. * And so you do n t use the old Franklin stove any more ? said Uncle Ben. Perhaps, he continued, a quiet smile playing over his face, as if he intended a comicaJ shot, perhaps you do n t use lightning now-a-days either, and my lightning-rods of course belong to the dark ages too! 1 We hav.e the lightning, and use it too, but only one rod, built by the State, near its centre, which is so colossal and PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. powerful that it protects every thing around it. An 1 then the little fellow rattled on about the use of lightning ; how it wrote all over the world the English language, until I verily believe that Uncle Ben, Fulton, and all set him down as the most unscrupulous liar that they had ever met with. "I think, said Uncle Ben, that I could convince myself of the truth of your assertions, if I could go to Boston ; but as rny time is very limited, I can not. Send you there in five minutes by the watch ! answered the little man ; * or if that s too soon, in twenty-four hours. It requires powerful lungs to go by balloon time five min utes -departure every half hour. The magnetic railway train will take you through in four hours, or on the old fashioned railroad in twenty -four. What ! said Uncle Ben, is the old stage company entirely broken up ? * Do n t know what you mean by stages, said the little man, but I will look for the word in the big dictionary. Go by steam boat, said Fulton. Steam -boat! repeated the little man steam-boat ! too everlasting slow not over twenty-five miles an hour well enough for freight, but passengers can not endure them ; they go laboring and splashing along at a snail s pace, and they are enough to wear out any man s patience. Yet the steam-boat was t he greatest stride ever made at any one time in the way of locomotion, and was very creditable to Fulton, and the age in which he lived. That is admitting something, burst out Fulton, who had sat like a statue, watching the little man s volubility. * But, said Uncle Ben, all this talk don t get me on my way to Boston. That is my birth-place. I was there for the last time in 1763, and you know that according to the provi sions of my will, there is more than four millions pounds sterling of my money, which has by this time been disposed of by the State some how. Uncle Ben was always a shrewd fellow in the way of dollars and cents, and I could see he JOHN SMITHS DREAM. 1J3 was very anxious abcut that money. Oho ! oho ! said the little man ; so you are Ben Franklin, and you are the old gentleman who left that legacy. We ve got a portrait of you up stairs, more than two hundred years old, and it does look like you. Glad to see you ! You said something in your life-time about immersing yourself in a cask of Madeira wine witli a few friends, and coming to the world in a hun dred years again. These are your friends, I suppose ? * These gentlemen, replied Uncle Ben, are John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, signers of the Declaration of Independ ence. * The other gentleman, continued I, is Robert Ful ton, whom you have spoken of. Well, I declare ! ejacu lated the little man, * this is a meeting ! But about thai legacy, Uncle Ben, of yours ; two millions sterling of it has gone to build the Gutta Percha Magnetic Telegraph line, connecting Boston with London and Paris, two of the largest cities in the Eastern Republic of Europe. Gutta perch a ! magnetic telegraph ! Republic of Europe ! repeated all of them. All built under water, and sustained by buoys, continued the little man, and it works to a charm plan up stairs in room 204 and can be seen in a moment ; and as I told you before, it writes the English language as fast as my deputy. Republic of Europe ! exclaimed Jefferson, again. Yes, Sir, said the little man, for more than a cen tury. No more thrones ; no more rulers by divine right; no more governments sustained by powder and ball ; no lords nor nobles ; man is man, not merely one of a class of men, but individually man, with rights as perfect and powers as great as any other man. The principles, Jefferson, of your Declaration, which you did not create, but only asserted, have prostrated every arbitrary government on the giobe. Even the Jews, since their return to Jerusalem, have organ ized a republican form of government, and have just elected 9 194 FUDDLEFORD AND ITS FEOFLE. Mr. Noah President. Well, thinks I to myself, that can t be Mordccai M. Noah, any how, for politics must have used up his constitution before this. But the iittle man chat tered away, and declared that Europe was divided into two republics, the Eastern and Western ; that Constantinople was the capital of the Western ; that Africa and Asia were also republican ; until the three signers of the Declaration, perfectly wrought up to a frenzy of joy, rose up from their seats, took off their hats, and swinging them round, gave Three cheers for 76, and the old Army of the Revolution! and I verily believe Uncle Ben forgot all about that money, and about going to Boston, for he did not allude to it any more in my presence. 4 Great changes these! continued the little man, from your days. But you must not think, gentlemen, that we have forgotten you or your services, while we have improved in wisdom and strength Look here, gentlemen, arid he motioned us away, and lending on, he conducted us to an observatory on the tup of the building. Such a prospect I never before beheld. Away, around, on every side, stretched a mighty city, whose limits the eye could not reach. Tow ers, temples, spires, and masts succeeded towers, temples, spires, and -masts, until they were lost in the distant haze. Canals traversed every street, and boats of merchandise were loading and unloading their freights. Steam-carriages were puffing along the roads that ran by the canal, some filled with pleasure parties, and some laden with goods. Turning my eye to an elevation, I saw fifty-six gigantic monuments, whose peaks were nearly lost in the sky, ranged in a line, all alike in form and sculpture. These, said the little man, 4 were erected to the Signers of the Declaration of Independ ence ; and, taking out his telescope, he handed it to Uncle Ben, who read aloud among the inscriptions the names. JOHN SMITHS DREAM. lt5 FRANKLIN, JEFFKRSON, ADAMS ! But let us know what this city is called ? inquired Jefferson. This, Sir, is called Columbiana ; it lies on the west bank of the Mississippi- population five millions, according to the last census. * But what supports it? 1 Supports it! The great East India trade. That vessel down there is direct from Canton, by ghip-caiml across the Isthmus. All Europe is secondary to us now.^ No doubling capes, as was done in your day. Yonder stands the Capitol ; and the whole North American continent is annually represented there. The city of San Francisco alone sends forty-four members. There, continued he, pointing his finger, that balloon rising slowly in the sky has just started for that place, and the passengers will take their dinner there to-morrow. Jefferson asked the little man whether the Federalists or Democrats were in power? and I saw that Adams waked up when he heard the question. Don t know any such division, replied he. The great measure of the day, upon which parties are divided-, is the purchase of the South Ame rican continent at five hundred millions of dollars. I go for it; and before another year the bargain will be consum mated. \Ve must have more territory we have n t got half enough. Extent of territory gives a nation dignity and importance. The old thirteen States of your day, gentlemen, were a mere cabbage patch, and should have been consolidated into one State. Ten or twenty days sail ran you plump into a hostile port, and then you had a demand for duty. Beside, conflicting interests always brew up difficulties, and then come treaties, and finally war, and then debt, and at last op pressive taxation. A nation should own all the territory that joins it. The ocean is the only natural boundary for a people. Thinks I, You have been a politician in your day, and I ll just engage you to correspond with a certain New- 196 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. York editor, who shall be nameless ; you strike off the doc trine boldly ! Uncle Ben told the little man, after he closed, that a nation might * get so very ripe as to become a little rotten ; and if he had no objection he would present him with the Sayings of Poor Richard. And suiting the action to the word, he pushed his hand into his breeches pocket, and pulled out an old almanac, printed at Philadelphia, in 1732, ai^J bowing, handed it to him. The little man thanked him, and pro mised to deposit it in the Museum, as a curious piece of anti quity. 1 Getting somewhat anxious for a smoke, I drew forth a cigar and * loco-foco, rubbed the latter across my boot, wh ch flashed out its light full in Uncle Ben s face. * That is nice, exclaimed he ; rather an improvement on the old string, wheel and tinder plan. Simple, too, is n t it, ? said I ; and yet all the science of your day didn t detect it. Just then T gave a puff, which made Uncle Ben sneeze ; and he broke out into a tirade against tobacco that would read well. But I told him there was no use ; men had smoked and chewed the weed would smoke and chew it, economy or no economy, health or no health, filth or no filth ; and that in all probability the last remnant of the great American Republic, for succeeding nations to gaze at, would be a plug of tobacco ; for I sincerely believed that tobacco would out live the government itself. The little man proposed returning into the Patent-Office, and exhibiting to us in detail the models of art there depo sited. But I can not weary you with what I there saw. The fruits of every year, since the organization of the department, were divided into rooms, and indicated on the door by an inscription. There were thousands of improvements in every branch of science, many of which were so simple, that I JOHN SMITH S DP.XAM. 197 thought myself a fool that I did not discover them long ago. Principles were applied, the very operation of which I now recollected to have often seen, yet without a thought of their practical utility. I came to the conclusion that accident was the parent of more that I saw than design ; for how, rea soned I, is it possible that these pieces of machinery could otherwise have escaped the great men who have lived and died in ignorance of them V * By this time we were quite fatigued, and Uncle Ben com plained a little of the stone, which he said he was subject to. The little man gave him some l Elixir of Life, as he called it, being, as he said, an extract of the nutritious por tion of meats and vegetables, purged from their grossness as found in their natural state ; and while we were sipping it, he launched forth upon its great benefit to mankind ; the money saved that used to be expended in cookery and trans portation millions upon millions ; the great economy in time, formerly squandered in eating, etc., etc. ; and he wound up his eulogy by presenting each of us with a bottle, which I carefully put away in my pocket. Adams then rose up, and said he must leave, and Jeffer son, Um-,le Ben, and Fulton followed. And in a moment Uncle Ben, Fulton, Adams, Jefferson, the little man, the apartments, wheels, and machinery, began to rock, and heave and fade, and finally dissolve ; and suddenly I awoke ! , Youdid awake ! exclaimed the Colonel, drawing a breath all the way from his boots ; I should have thought you would. Bates gave a yawn, and throwing his quid into the fire, called for a glass of whiskey and water, saying he would try to choke down the story with that. Longbow sat perfectly magnetized his arms folded across his breast, his chin dropped, his legs resting on his 198 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. boot-heels, and pushed out in front of him, as though he was driving a hard-bitted horse, and his one eye stared va cantly at the coals in the huge fire place. He gave an un conscious grunt, when Smith concluded, but made no com mentary. Turtle said the dream was very remarkable for such a man as Smith ; but he guessed he had it, and he was going to believe it, because it was upon the word of a Puddlefor- dian. But he d had one that beat it all holler s prisin dream like them are visions that some body unriddled for he could n t recollect the name of the man now no matter, the dream s the same. I got up one morning, said Ike, * and went down to my breakfast-table, but there war n t one of my family present. I saw seated around it, however, a strange company of folks, and dressed as no mortals ever were before, since the flood, I reckon. There war n t nothin that ever I seed before on any on em. I took my place at the head of the board, and attempted to do the carvin ; but there war n t no body that understood my meanin . Pork Avar n t pork any more ; and when I tried to pass pork, I found that it had a kind-er fancy name, which I have now forgot. One great, goggle-eyed fellow, who sat at my right hand, informed a lady near him that he d got-ter go over to Agoria before dinner, and get his sun-dial fixed ; but his wings were down at the shop being fixed, and he could n t start this hour yet. 4 Agoria ! Where s that ? asked I. 1 * Do n t know where Agoria is ha ! ha ! On the river Amazon, a trip of a couple of thousand of miles. And so he took out a little eye-glass, and looked at me for a long time, and putting it back in his pocket, said he thought I was a North Pole-ander, or a ghost ; he did n t know which. IKE TURTLE S DREAM. 199 * Dear me ! you will be keerful, now won t you, said the lady. * Two hundred collisions in the air last night, among the winded men ; almost as many the night afore awful ! t The goggle-eyed man said he would. * Did you hear President Jones lecter last night, said a spectacled critter, at the upper end of the table, sticking his fore-finger out at me. 4 4 * No sir-e/ I hollered back to him, as I was some little frustrated by this time. 4 * He showed, said the man, that one Tom Jefferson prob bly did write the Declaration of Independence that the ancients made. 4 You do n t say so, though, do you ? said I. You re a bright set of chaps the whole on you, President Jones and all. 4 There was a mighty deal said about the Persian war with America ; what some body said who came from Africa last night what this man and that man done in Congress ; but get ting out of patience at last, I jumped up, and left the whole on em ; and as I passed out of the room, told em 4 they might all go to grass. 4 As I left the house, I saw an almanac hanging on the wall for the year 2564. The first thought, when I saw this, was, Where, in the name of Andrew Jackson, is Puddleford now ? 4 But what was my surprise, when I got inter the street, which was all laid with slabs of granite, and lineA with pa laces, to find Squire Longbow, walking along with his wings folded on his back, looking as nat ral as the old fogy himself. 4 4 Squire, said I, 4 here s to you. * The Squire said he had n t the honor of my quain- tance. 4 Oh ! you old scoundrel, said 1, 4 you can t come that 200 PUDDLEFORD AMD ITS PEOPLE. That s false ! exclaimed Longbow, I didn t have nc Mich talk. It was only a dream vou forget, answered Ike. 4 Exactly, replied the Squire, relapsing into his former mood. * * You can t come that, old man, I repeated ; I could tell you in the streets of Jerusalem, in the night; what are you about, old feller ? You look fat and pussy. 4 The Squire said he was Judge of the Continental Su preme Court ! r 4 So I should think, said I ; * I just left a dozen asses at my breakfast- table, and you re just the man for all the world to be their judge. That s a contempt! exclaimed the Squire, jumping from his chair. Nothin but a dream, and they allers go by contraries/ answered Ike. 4 So they do, said the Squire calmly, sitting down again. 4 Where s Bates, and the Colonel, and Bulliphant, and the other Puddlefordians ? inquired L 4 Bates, said the Squire, burst a blood-vessel several hundred years ago, running down a Southern kidnapper, and died quick-er a flash. He did n t leave nothing scasely for his family, cause he spent all his time on public affairs. The Colonel left the country with the sheriff at his heels ; and he rather thought he was somewhere about the streets now, as he sa$fea feller t other day fore the Court, for debt, that looked jest like him. Bulliphant went off in spontaneous combustion *in a kind of blue fire, and the old woman fretted herself out, a couple of years arter j but, said the Squire, I can t be detained. Story s waitin for me on tho bench, and we decide the title to a million of acres of land, at ten this morning. IKE TAKES THE BOOTS. 201 <f rhi3 woke me. Story, and the decision by Longbow, knocked my dream out-er sight. Bates pulled off his boots, and handing them to Ike, in formed him that they were his, by the custom of Puddlefor- dians, and the meeting adjourned. 20 8 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE CHAPTER XVII. Ike Turtle in his Office The Author Consults him on Point of Law Taxes of Non-Residents Law in Puddleford Mr. Bridget s Case Legal Discussion The Case Settled. WE very often get an idea of a community, by fathoming its leading men. We stick our stakes at that point, and rea son, by comparison, downward ; not that prominent indivi duals make the community, any more than the community makes them; but both act, and react upon each other, until a standard is formed and that standard is just high enough for the occasion the necessities of the present. Water never rises above its level. You have, respected reader, already seen much perhaps too much of Ike Turtle. You must recollect, however, as I have before declared, that he was an embodiment of the spirit of his time. He was the presiding genius of Puddle- ford, and had been as much moulded by it, as he had moulded Puddleford. Turtle, as we have seen, was a host in law that is, he was a host in Puddleford law. He was just as useful and mighty in his sphere as Webster ever was in his. It must in candor be admitted that there was a difference in spheres ; but that in no way affects the principle and principle is what we are contending for. I have thus far exhibited to you Turtle under excitement, as an advocate in the case of Filkins vs. Beadle, defending his country against what he called an abolition lecter, strug gling in the cause of education ; but we can not always IKE TURTLE IN HIS OFFICE. 203 probe a great mau to the bottom, and disinter the latent jewels of mind, unless we know and observe him unruffled by passion, and unswayed by feeling. The line and lead must be cast into still waters to sound the depths of ocean. I had occasion to consult Turtle on a point of law. The question was, whether a certain woman who claimed dower in my land could probably show a state of facts that would legally entitle her to recover. Mr. Turtle s office was in one of the upper rooms of a tumble-down tailor s shop in the village. Outside, his sign swung to and fro : * I. Turtle, Turney in all the Courts. 1 Inside, it was garnished with three chairs without backs, a pine-table, whittled into pieces by the loungers, a number of loose papers lying in an old flour-barrel, an ink-bottle with a yellow string around its nose, a copy of the Statutes, a stub of a pen, Volume Two of Blackstone, and no law-book be side, all of which were enveloped in dirt and cobwebs. Mr. Turtle himself, when I entered, sat in one chair, his two feet stretched wide apart, each in another, like the two extremi ties of a letter A ; and Ike himself was very philosophically smoking a pipe, and blowing the whiffs out of the window. * Is this Mr. Turtle s office ? inquired I. * I should rayther think it was, answered Ike, drawing out his pipe, and pointing to a chair. I have a little business, said I. 4 Most people do have, said he. I m chuck full on. t my- telf. 4 Suppose, said I, a man dies, and leaves a widow, and bat widow should claim 4 Hold on, right there! exclaimed Ike, laying down his pipe Hold on, old /eMow ; this s posin do n t do in this ere \ Tice. I never gives opinions on fancy cases. Time s ultlv oo precious. I want the raal facts on the matter, jest 204 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. as they happened ; and beside, Mr. , fust thing 1 knovt I shall give an opinion right butt agin one of my own clients (I have reg lar clients, you see, that I ve got-ter stand up for, if it busts me) and this wheeling round and taking a back-track sp iles one s reputation, and tears his conscience, awful to behold ! Well, I continued, as I was going to say No sir-ee ! you ain t going to say. Who died 1 who s the widow ? Them are the starting p ints in a new coun try. But, continued I, that will not affect the principle. 4 Won t it though ? answered Ike. What are principles to folks in a new country ? What are residents to non-resi dents ? Why, you take a resident widow, a little good-look ing, and she can hold all the land she claims agin a non-resi dent. Juries have feelings, and are human like other peo ple. Oh ! I see, said L Jest so, said he. Well, then, I continued, the widow is a resident of Pud- dleford, and so am I ; and the widow claims a life-interest in one third of my land. Ike pondered, and rubbed his head, and looked for a long time steadily at the toes of his boots. At last a thought struck him. Has she any children ? inquired he. She has. Young ? Twelve and fourteen. Bad age for you, said Ike ; worse than two positive witnesses swearing straight inter yer favor. But what have children to do with a principle of law? I exclaimed, somewhat animated. TAXES AND LAW IN PUDDLEFORD. 205 * You Ve green, exclaimed Ike ; you 11 sprout if you get catched in a shower. What has law got-ter do with a wid- der and two children out here ? Do n t you know the widder and the two children will be put right straight to the jury, and that they ii swamp you and jour case, and all the la you can bring agin em. * Very likely, said T ; * but is Puddleford law all made for widows, babies, and residents ? inquired I. You see, continued Ike, you hain t lived long here. A new country is a kind of selfeustainin machine. We Ve all got-ter go in for ourselves. When folks take the brunt of settling wild land, some body s got-ter and ought-ter suffer. Nonresidents bave-ter pay tall taxes. They have to pay onto the value, and onto our taking care of their lands. We can t afford to scare off the animals and bring their pro perty into market for nothin . Why, old Sykes, who lives away down to the east ard, pays half the taxes of Puddleford, and don t own more than four sections of land. The sessors kind-er look at the spirit of the law, when they lay taxes, and the spirit of our tax-law stretches cording to circum stances. India-rubber ain t nothin to it. Jest so in la mat ters. The la is favorable to Puddlefordians ; our courts lean that way it s kind-er second nater to em a kind-er law of self-preservation primary law of natur , you know a duty ; and therefore I was particular to know who the person was who claimed your land. * Mine s a case, said I, after Ike concluded his digression, * of Puddleford against Puddleford. Puddleford against itself, both residents a woman and two children against a man ? That s the case, said I. 1 Well ! said Ike. The widow claims a life-interest, and yet she signed the deed with her husband. 206 FUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Did sign it ? inquired Ike again. What is she growlin about, then ? She claims she was deranged. * And did n t know nothin , ha I * And she says she can prove it. 4 That is, Sile Bates can for her, I s pose. Squire Longbow dropped in at this point of the conversa tion. Ike arose, walked several times swiftly across the floor, turning each time with a jerk, and finally wheeling up in front of me, said his fee for opinions was one dollar. The fee was paid. Now, exclaimed Ike, pushing his fee in his vest-pocket, * who s the woman ? Old Mrs. Bridget, said I. * There are just half a dozen defenses, exclaimed Ike ; * and each one will blow the case sky-high. No body can t set up insanity in a new country, because there aint nothin here to make any body insane ; and if there was, our judges and juries think a leetle too much of themselves, thick as the bushes are, to low a Puddlefordian to prove herself a fool in open court. There is a pride that won t permit it. Yes, Sir/ 1 (Here Ike slapped the table hard by way of empha sis.) * Aint that la , Squire Longbow ? continued Ike, turn ing round to the Squire, who was almost magnetized by in tense thought. The Squire gave two or three ahems to clear his throat, and his voice seemed a long time on its way. That, said the Squire, is just what the mortal Story said : he never would permit a man to make a fool of himself; he went agin all such kind-er things. The mortal Story said, if a man do n t know nothing, he oughten-ter say nothing, nor do nothing. He very specially said it war n t a safe rule to let crazy folks rip up things, cause how do we know, or any LEGAL DISCUSSION. 207 body know, but they are jist as crazy when they rip em up, and then they 11 have to be ripped up over agin ; that s the thority, sir page let me see but no matter bout pages 4 And secondly, continued Ike, breaking into the Squire, * it s a rule of law that every body s stopped by their deed ; aud if the woman knowed enough to sign and seal it, that ere seal is an everlasting and eternal bar to provin any thing agin it. That ll stop a crazy woman; that s laid down in all the books since King Richard got possession of England, and the staterts are full on it, too. The Squire said that looked reasonable. How do we know that Andrew Jackson war n t crazy when he signed off the patents for Puddleford. That s an open question yet. And if it war n t for the broad seal if it war n t for that ere spread eagle some whig President (and the whigs allers did say 4 Old Hickory was crazy) would set it all aside, and throw all the land-titles into hotch-potch, kick me out-er house and home, and ruin all Puddleford ! 4 Certainly, said I. And agiu, said Ike, the woman warn t crazy; / can prove that. 1 That will do, 1 said I. * How ? * When was the deed executed ? I stated. That s jest the time, said Ike, that old covy, her brother- in-law, used her as a witness to recover his farm. The Squire said that * the woman was under oath then, and she might tell the truth, if she was a little shattered. 1 Th-u-n-der 1 exclaimed Ike. 4 Witnesses are sworn to tell the truth, said the Squire. The Squire was evidently getting quizzical. Mr. Turtle begged * he would not interrupt him agin. The case was 208 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. one of great importance, and it required a power of thought and research to look in-ter it. * And now, continued Ike, there are three more p ints of la in your case. You ve got the fee of this ere land that is, you ve got a deed, and got in-ter possession ; that makes a fee. And as to that, the deed do n t matter so much ; pos session out here is jest as good. I never see a Sheriff who could get a man off. T aint pop lar - won t pay it costs votes men don t vote for officers who push cm ; posses sion is more n nine p ints of the la in Puddleford ; it s ninety- nine it s most as good as a patent. But that would be a resistance of process, if the widow succeeded, said I. * There wo n t be nothing to resist, answered Ike. You // never feel the process ; it will always be defective there 11 be a flaw in it some where. Settlers on the sile must be protected. That, chimed in the Squire, l is la . That was settled in the constitution. There was blood shed for that. * But there aint no use, continued Ike, * in going into par ticulars, and putting down every p int of la . I can scatter a thousand such cases to the four winds have done it can do it agin. Give me Kent and the staterts, and I 11 cut my way to daylight in no time. If there is any one who believes that such an opinion was not given for one dollar, or that hundreds have not been given in the very far west just as absurd, let them inquire farther of those persons who have experienced a frontier life. Yet, Mr. Turtle lives and flourishes, gains reputation, and will die as much respected and lamented as any one. THE PRAIRIES IN THE BREEZE. 209 CHAPTER XVIII. The Wilderness around Puddleford The Rivers and the Forests Suggestions of Old Times Foot-prints of the Jesuits Vine-cov ered Mounds Visit to the Forest The Early Frost The Forest Clock The Woodland Harvest The Last Flowers Nature Sowing her Seed The Squirrel in the Hickory Pigeons, Their Ways and their Haunts The Butterflies and the Bull-frog Na ture and her Sermons Her Temple still Open, but the High-priest Gone. PUDDLEFORD was a mere spot in the wilderness. Its re gion abounded with patches of improved land, and patches partly improved, and fields of stumps that the pioneer had just passed over with his axe. The great sweep of land around it, however, was a wilderness not a thicket not a dense mass of timber, nor a swamp but a rolling plain of upland, prairie, and heavily-wooded flats along the rivers; and it extended no one knew where, end was covered with lakes and rivers that shone, and roared, and babbled, day and night, through the great solitude. The surface of the upland was as smooth and shaven as an English park. No undergrowth obstructed the eye, and the outline of a deer might be discerned two miles distant. Trees upon the dis tant ground-swells, amid their quivering shadows, appeared to be riding upon waves. In this gigantic park, which over reached degrees of longitude, flowers of every form and hue budded, blossomed, faded, and died, from May until Novem ber. The prairies were so many blooming seas, and when the soft south-west stirred up their depths, they shed a gor geous light, as if they were breathing out rainbow colors. 210 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. The rivers that watered this waste were large, and flowed from still deeper solitudes toward the great lakes. The sun, as ancient as they, rose and set upon them now as it did centuries ago. The forests upon their banks sprang up, flourished, waxed old, and died ; and still the river ran, and new forests rose upon the ruins of the old, and the glory of the new stood implanted in the grave of the old. The bison, moose, and bear drank from the sources of these rivers, driven upward by the noise of civilization. But they had an interest to me beyond all this : they were the inlets of Christian missionaries more than a century ago. It was up these streams that the French Jesuit,* with his eye aloft, and the cross erect, paddled his solitary canoe among the abori gines. Here he built his camp-fire beneath the stars, and told his rosary in the awful presence of his God how aw ful, indeed, in such a spot, at such a time ! We can almost see the venerable man, and hear the- dip of his oar ; the water-fowl scream, scared, and dive along before him, and the Indian stands upon the bank in his presence, like a mon ument in wonder. The foot-prints of the Jesuits are still found upon the bluffs of these rivers. Mounds, which were thrown by them into square and circular forms, now roofless and silent, and matted all ever with vines, still bear witness to their devo tion. Yet, how little is thought of them now ! Because the Jesuits did not till the earth, and sow, and reap, and swell the commerce of the world : but did n t they sow ? They sowed the seeds of everlasting life among the simple children of the forest ; and they have sown from age to age since, and many an Indian still offers the prayer which was taught his forefathers so long ago. Such, reader, were the woods around Puddleford, and such * Father Hennepin and others. A LATE SEPTEMBER SCENE. 211 the associations. I was in the habit of going down into their depths, and scraping acquaintance with the inhabitants. It was a relief to me. I sometimes even went so far as to set myself up as a sportsman. I made a special visit, just after the first frost, for the purpose of spying out the game. The morning was still and bright, and the dash of a distant rivu let, which I could step across, filled the * long drawn aisles with its echoes. I had been down often during the summer, but every object looked strangely different now. The first frost had given nature a shock a kind of palsy ; she looked serene, almost sad. Its inmates had gadded about during the summer in a very reckless way ; they looked more sober after the first frost more thoughtful more anxious about something. It was lute in September, and yet the storms of the wild Equinox, with all its wet, had not come. It was due, and over-due. Amid the more hardy foliage, the first frost had drawn his brush in the most delicate way possible a mere tinge, and no more a kind of autumnal hint. There was one limb of an oak just changing, and the balance of the tree stood up as bravely and defiant as ever ; the soft inaplo was completely dipped it blazed ; the aspen trembled and glowed ; the hickory was only touched, and still hesitated about her full suit of yellow ; while the dog-wood and spice- bush had entirely given up the ghost. It was just after the first frost, so I went down to the banks of the rivulet that had so long been singing its wood land psalm. It came from away off somewhere, and strayed, and dove over precipices, and spread into miniature lakes ; but, where I stood, it tumbled through a gorge with green, sloping banks. As I gazed, the sun waxed higher and warm er. Day wore its way up the gorge, and literally struck a 212 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. sisterhood of frosted sumacs, and they turned blood-red : I thought I saw them shift their summer dress. Near by, a vine circled a tree, and swung out from its top. I had noticed it many times before during the season. It was then hung with large-mouthed flowers, which opened with the morning. Was it a summer-chime of bells, that tolled the sunlight into the temple ? the forest-clock, that opened^ and shut the hours? The bells were broken now; the first frost had cracked them. I saw a bird, dressed in blue, run up the vine, and hitch along in a very deliberate way, and peer into this bell and into that, as if he wondered why they did not spread ; but this might have been an odd fancy of mine. The first frost seemed to have passed through the tree-tops that rolled over the gorge in a hurry. The prominent points of the foliage were tufted with russet, but its hollows and dells were as green as ever. The woodland harvest was nigh the Creator s own har vest, sown and reaped without the aid of man. The paw paw began to shed its fruit ; mandrakes stood up all over the forest, like umbrellas loaded with apples of gold ; the wild cucumber was bending under its own weight ; the bark of the hickory and beech-nut was broken, and the fruit peeped out; acorns were loosening in their cups; the grape was purple and fragrant, and ready to gush with richness ; and away down below me I noticed a crabbed, sour-looking plum- tree, holding on to the hill-side with all its energy, and cov ered with its rosy-cheeked children. A few flowers yet lingered on the upland, breathing their last. The pink, violet, lupin, and a thousand nameless ones, had shed and buried their seeds long before ; but the flaming, cardinal-fringed gentian, the yellow moccasin, and troops of THE SQUIRREL AND HIS CONVERSATION. 213 lilies, still crowded the swales and water-courses, bra\ing out the first frost. Insects were singing a melancholy dirge around me ; a bee droned past in great haste, with a conse quential hum ; the year was passing and dying, like a vibra tion over the earth. The air was filled with winged seeds, sailing away off here, and away off there, and going I do not know where. The wild cotton burst its pod, and furred out at a great rate ; a large company of thistle-balloons rolled up lazily into the sky, and went out of sight, (to the stars, probably,) directed by some invisible hand to the place of their destination. Birds were picking and carrying clusters of grapes and s coke far and wide. How beautifully nature sows her solemn wastes ! The winds and the birds are her husbandmen, and the work goes on with a song. There was a bustle in a hickory a black-squirrel was flirting about, and making an examination of the crop. He had come early into the harvest-field. He ran up and down the branches, nipped the nuts, jumped upon his haunches, thought awhile, chattered to himself, and said or I thought he said Little too soon 4 Little too soon * Come again * Come again. At a distance, a male-par tridge, with his tail curved like a fan, and his feathers erect, was blustering and strutting around with great pomp, as con sequential as a Broadway fop a rabbit, crouched in a heap, sat off timidly under an upturned root, eating a paw-paw a lonely snipe came tetering up the rivulet a robin lit upon a scoke-bush, picked a berry or two, whistled, took a kind of last look, and departed ; a little bird, as rich as sunset, next startled me with a stream of fire, which he wove through the green foliage, as if he were tying it up with a blazing cord; a sanctimonious crow floated in circles in the air, and screamed very savagely to things below him, like a 214 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. preacher in a passion, and I heard turkeys clucking and calling to each other in every direction. Suddenly, a flock of pigeons broke the few bars of light that were struggling down, and wheeled to a dry limb, at a respectful distance ; they ranged themselves in rows like pla toons of soldiers, and bowed forwards and sideways, in a very polite, diplomatic way. A few words passed between them (pigeons do n t talk much) exchanging, no doubt, opinions of me and my whereabouts. By and by, one spread his wings and fluttered to the ground, and began feeding then another, and another, until the whole flock descended, except three sentinels, who remained posted, to watch and guard. I knew them well. There was a * roost* in a tamarack swamp, some miles distant. Not long before, I had visited their noisy metropolis. It was at the ctese of day, and its evergreen canopy was half-dipped in light. I recollected what hosts came thronging in, on all sides, roaring like a tempest, and how they piled themselves upon the top of each other upon the boughs like swarming-bees and how all night the trees bent and cracked with the crowded population, who seemed continually treading % upon each other s toes, and tumbling each other s beds and how, when the-day dawned, they all dissolved, and winged their way to the plains, and the troubled city was as silent as fallen Babylon. I like the pigeon. He has a business-way, and a way of minding his own business. He is always doing something. Who ever saw a pigeon trifle or frolic, or put op airs ? He is the clipper of the skies air-line. Eight hundred miles a day, few stoppages, and no bursting of boilers. He is a practical bird no such dreamy, twilight sort of a thing as the whip-poor-will, who is for ever complaining about nothing like a miserable rhymester whir whir whir. Ah ! THE WHITE BUTTERFLIES. 215 you are going. Pay my respects to the alligators among the rice-swamps of Florida, said I, when you see them, next winter. The pigeons were started by the bay of hounds. By their voice, the hounds had probably been on the chase during most of the night (it was a weary voice and al most painful) and I soon discovered that they were ap proaching. Soon a drove of deer, led forward by a noble buck, carrying antlers like tree-branches, came crashing by, leaped the ravine, and were soon followed by their pursuers, and I watched them afar over the plain, until they were lost. I knew the dogs. They belonged to venison Styles. But where was Venison ? I could see the old hunter, in my imagination, standing away off on some " run-way," listening to the strife around him, and watching for his victims. Perhaps you know, and perhaps you don t know, reader, that deer, at certain seasons of the year, have run-ways that they have great highways thoroughfares that follow mountains, thread morasses, cross lakes and streams, up and down which they travel. I cannot say who first laid them out. It may be they can tell. If I ever find out, I will let you know. I was next overhauled by a fleet of white butterflies, who came winding down the brook, in a very loitering sort of a way. They anchored in front of me, near the water s edge, and amused themselves by opening and shutting their huge sails huge for butterflies. Their wings were all bedropped with gold, and powdered with silver-dust. Then another fleet, arrayed in chocolate-velvet, came up the stream. They were large and showy. Their chocolate-wings were ribbed with lines of blue and green ; and a few plain, yellow ple beians followed on after, train-bearers, probably, to their lordly superiors. What brush touched those rich and deli- 216 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. cate wings ? What alchemist wrought those magical colors f Who put on those gorgeous uniforms ? Were they equip ped for the beauty and glory of the world, or their own ? For what purpose was this winged mystery sent upon the earth ? Just here a large frog, who had been sitting on a stone near the water, wrapped up to his eyes in his green surtout, looking as taciturn and gloomy as the Pope, went down with a jug-a-ro, and spoiled my reflections. It was just after the first frost, arid the wasps were hard at work, preparing, or repairing their mansions for winter. The mason-wasp, as he is called, was digging up the mud, which he carried to a hollow log, where he lived. He was plastering up a little. The paper-wasp was gathering wild cotton and flax, and manufacturing it, for his palace that hung, half-furnished, swinging in a tree like a top. Strange that man should have so long remained without the secret of making paper when the wasp had made and hung it up high before his eyes, for so many thousand years Thus, reader, the great wilderness was alive and away down the chain of animated being, beyond the reach of the eye or ear, there was life busy life all links in a great chain held and electrified by the hand of the Almighty. What sermons there were all around me nature preach ing through her works 1 What cathedral like this, with its living pillars its dome of sun, and moon, and stars ? Morn swings back its portals with light and song, and even ing gently closes them again amid her deepening shadows and the worship and work goes on like the swell of an an them ; but the great high-priest th-it worshipped at its altars, and burnt incense to the spirit that pervades this soli tude, where is he ? W T here are his fires now ? The temple still stand<, and the anthem is still heard, but the worship pers are gone. Lo! the poor Indian. A NEW-ENGLAND VILLAGE. 217 CHAPTER XIX. The Old New-England Home The Sheltered Village The Ancient Buildings Dormer- Windows An Old Puritanical Home The Old Puritan Church The Burying-Ground Deacon Smith, his Habits and his Helpers Major Simeon Giles, his Mansion and his Ancestry Old Doctor Styles Crapo Jackson, the Sexton Training Days Militia Dignitaries Major Boles Major- General Peabody Preparations and Achievements Demolition of an Apple-Cart Shoulder Arms ! Colonel Asher Peabody The Boys, and their "World My Last Look at my Native Village. READER, there are mental pictures in the wilderness, as vivid as any in nature. They are the pictures of the past. They haunt the pioneer by day and by night. They go with him over the fields sit down with him by the streams linger around his evening hearth, and rise up in his dreams. I was born in New-England. The village was very old, and had received and discharged generations of men. Some two centuries ago, a troop of iron-sided old pilgrims, full of theology and man s rights, an off-shoot of a larger body, with their pastor at their head, founded the place, and gave it tone and direction. This village is very beautiful now. It stands sheltered between two mountains that cast their morning and evening shadows over it. A long stretch of meadow-land lies be tween, through which a river, fringed with willows, lazily lingers and twists in elbows and half-circles. The mountains sometimes look down very grim at the valley, and in places have advanced almost across it. There are a great many profiles detected by the imagination in their outline. Cotton 10 218 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Mather s face has been discovered in one huge rock and the old fellow s head seems to withstand the storms of nature about as successfully as it did the storms of life. The Devil s Pulpit a group of splintered shafts of Gothic appearance is near by, and superstitious persons used to think that during every thunder-storm, his majesty entered it, arrayed in garments of fire, and gave the Puritan a sound lecture. There are all kinds of buildings in this village. These buildings mark the age in which they were erected, and are the real monuments of their founders. They are as they were. They have have not been marred or profaned by modern notions. Some are very eccentric piles, hoary with age, full of angles and sharp corners, and some are painfully plain and severe. They all have a face, a cast of counte nance, an expression they almost talk the English of a hundred and fifty years ago. The row of dormer windows on the roof, are to me great eyes that frown down upon the frivolity and thoughtlessness of the present and those eyes are full of theology and civil rights. They look as though they were watching a Quaker, or reading the stamp-act. The very souls of their architects are transferred to them. I never enter one, even in these fearless times, without feeling nervous and sober, half-expecting to run a-foul of its original proprietor, with some interrogatory about my business, and the wickedness of his descendants. There used to stand there is still standing one of these queer piles upon a bluff overlooking the river. It was built of stone, and is very much moss-grown. It fairly looks daggers at the ambitious little structures that have sprouted up by its side. It is a heap of Puritanical thoughts visible thoughts all hardened into wood and rock. There it has stood, frowning and frowning for a century and a half. It OLD PICTURES. 219 is full of great, massive timbers and stones, and is as stout as the heart of its founder. A weather-cock is attached to or>e of the chimneys a sheet-iron angel, lying on his breast, and blowing a trumpet, and the wind shifts him round and round over different parts of the village. This angel has blown away thousands of men, but there he lies, his cheeks puffed, blowing yet, as fresh and healthy as ever. The internal arrangement of this building is character istic. A dark, gloomy hall an enormous fire-place, ex tending across the whole end of a room a quaint pair of andirons, which run up very high and prim, and turn back like a hook, with a dog s-head growling on each tip. There are strange pictures on the walls, which have been preserved in memory of the past Moses leading the Children of Is rael through the ^Yilderness Samson slaying the Lion David cutting off the head of Goliah stern shadows of the men who used to study them not very remarkable works of art, but vivid outlines of the scenes themselves. This house has been occupied by an illustrious line of men, distinguished as divines, lawyers, and reformers, and it seems to glow with the fires they kindled in it in fact, I believe it is inhabited by them yet. I believe that Parson who lived under its roof for more than half a century, and preached during that time in the church near by, occa sionally mounts his low-crowned, broad-brimmed hat, round- cornered coat, short-breeches, knee-buckles, and heavy shoes, ties on his white neck-cloth and takes his cane, and in a spiritual way, wanders back to his mansion, sits down again before the capacious fire-place, and meditates an hour or two as he used to do in life. He is one of those who keep the house company, and give to it its sober air of determination and defiance. The old Puritan church stands near by. Time has thrown ^2 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. a mantle of moss over it. When erected, it was shingled from foundation to steeple and a quaint little pepper-box steeple it was. Square, high, solemn-looking pews may be yet seen inside. The pulpit is perched away up under the eaves, like a swallow s nest. It is reached by a flight of steps almost as long as Jacob s ladder. It is covered with names, inscriptions written by men and women who were dust long H,go. It looks like the place where Old Hundred was born, lived, and died sombre, earnest, immovable. A burying-ground ancient as the church, closes in on its three sides, and partly encircles it in its arms. There is preaching there yet. The dust of the living and dead con gregations are one : Part of the host have crossed the flood, And part are crossing now. Rough tomb-stones mere ragged slugs, torn from some quarry rounded and smoothed a little by a pious hand stand half-buried in the earth, pointing to the silent sleeper below. And then there are marble slabs, of a more modern date yet very old leaning this way and that, and nod ding at each other. Preachers and congregations lie side by side, and it is one eternal Sabbath now. There are quaint pictures, and holy pictures, and horrible pictures chiselled out on these slabs. Skeleton Death, triumphantly marching with his scythe ! Skulls ! angels and occasion ally a figure that looks like his Satanic majesty ! Epitaphs full of theology, wit, and practical wisdom, are strown around with an unsparing hand. There are a few genuine specimens of the Puritan stock lingering in this village great boulders that lie around in society, like granite blocks on the earth, dropped by Time in his flight, and overlooked or forgotten. Deacon Smith is DEACON SMITH. 221 one of them. He, and his father, and his father s father, were born and lived in the house lie now occupies. He has almost reached four score and ten years. He wears the costume of seventy-six, inside and out. His habits are as uniform and regular as the swing of the pendulum. He re tires at nine, rises at four, breakfasts at six, and dines at twelve ; and this is done to a fraction no allowance is made for circumstances what are circumstances in the way of one of his rules ? He marches to bed at the time, and would, if he left the President of the Republic behind him he sits down to his table at the time, whether there is a dish on it or not. Law is law with him. The deacon hates royalty and the British he never overlooked the blood they shed in the revolution. He sel dom speaks to an Englishman. He hates interlopers, inno vations, modern improvements ; and I recollect well, how he poured out his vials of wrath upon the first buggy wagon that he saw. He said it was a very nice thing to sleep in. He left the church for some months, when stoves were first put up, and declared that it was * as great a sacrilege as was ever committed, and enough to overthrow the piety of a saint. Religion would keep a man warm any where. He says he thinks the Puritan blood is running down into slops ! folks are rushing headlong to perdition ! that thero has n t been a man in the village for twenty years who ought to be intrusted with himself and it seems to him that the world is winding up business ! When the deacon rises, he goes around his house hawking, spitting, slamming doors, tumbling down wood, just to cast a slur on the lazy habits of modern days. Sometimes, he tramps up and down the village, two hours before day, a-hemming, hawing, and sneezing, for the purpose of letting the sluggards understand he is stirring. He has been known 222 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. on more than one occasion, to give vent to his feelings, at this early hour, by blowing the family dinner-horn, and declaring, as the blast echoed away, * that no Christian man could sleep, after such a call. The Deacon has a few helpers about him, who think as lie thinks but they are very few. When they meet, the world takes a most inhuman raking they spare neither age, sex, nor condition. But the leading business men of the village are of a differ ent stamp not Puritans, but Puritanical the same rock with the corners knocked off of less strength, but more polish. They reverence their fathers, keep the religious and political altar they have raised burning, but are not so re gardless of temporal comforts ; in a word, they are Yankees. Major Simeon Giles is a specimen. It is difficult to draw his portrait. He has a hard, dry face, which locrks as though it had been turned out from a seasoned white-oak knot. He wears a grievous expression, lying some where between sobriety and melancholy. His money, character and family have made him a great man he is a leading personage in church and state, and exercises a wonderful in fluence in every department of society. The Deacon is full of dry expressions, and many of his cool, sly remarks have become proverbs ; but the hardest thing he ever said was after his pious soul had been very much vexed, when he ob served, that if Providence should see fit to remove Mr. from this vale of tears, he would endeavor to resign himself to the stroke. Major Simeon has many severe struggles within him, be tween the flesh and the spirit. His avarice and piety are both strong, ani the former sometimes gains a temporary advantage. All his movements are governed by method, He remains so long at his store, so long at his house, takns MAJOR SIMEON GILES. 223 a journey with his family once a year, * has a place for every thing, and every thing in its place, a peg for his hat, a corner for his boots and he is almost as rigid in observing and enforcing his laws, as Deacon Smith. Major Simeon is supreme, of course, over his own family. He never trifles with his children. A cold shadow falls around him, which often silences their voice of mirth and ringing laugh the effect of reverence, however, more than fear. Major Giles lives in the * Old Giles Mansion/ I will not pretend to say how many Gileses have occupied it. Their por traits are hanging upon its walls, and their bodies lie in the burying-ground ; a long row of them, all the way across it, and half back again bud, blossom, and gathered fruit. There is the portrait of the celebrated Elnathan Giles, who died during the reign of Queen Anne. He looks very stern. lie had passed through the scenes of the Salem witchcraft, and had been personally connected with the excitement had attended several of the trials as a witness ; was bewitched once himself and, according to family tradition, saw one witch hung an out-and-out witch who had bridled many innocent people at midnight, sailed through chamber win dows, and hurrv-scurried off with them, astri^a a broom stick. Next to him, hangs the face of his son, Colonel EtheiDeit, as he was called, who lived just long enough to fight at Bunker Hill. He had been a militia colonel before the re volution, and militia colonels were something in those days. He made a ferocious looking portrait, certainly. One can almost smell gunpowder in the room. He is dressed up in his military coat, standing collar, an epaulette en his shoulder, and there are strewn around him in the back-ground, armies, artillerv, drums, and banners. ISTo wonder the Americans <f^4 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. were victorious. And then came the face of Major Simeon whom I have described. The wives of these men are alsj done up in oil, and hang meekly and submissively by the side of their lords, as all wives should, or rather as all wives did, in those days and actually died without knowing how much they were op pressed. There are other things beside portraits, to remind Major Simeon of his ancestry. There is a tree still standing, (strange that a tree should outlive generations of men,) that Elnathan planted with his own Land, on the day Ethelbert was born a stately elm, whose branches, in their magnificent curve, almost sweep the ground. This tree shadowed the cold face of both Elnathan and Ethelbert, when their coffins were closed for the last time beneath it. There is the spring, more than a half a century old, that bubbles from the hill, and goes trickling, leaping, and flashing down the green slope, singing away to itself as sweetly as ever. The old lilac bush, too, has outlived thousands whose hands have plucked its blossoms, and yet it bursts out in the spring, and looks as fresh as the children who play beneath it. It has been thought that Major Simeon and his family were aristocratic. There is a stately air about them, when they enter church, that smacks of blood. And the Major himself has often declared, that, while * stock is n t every thing, it is a great consolation to know, in his case, that the name of Giles has never been stained. There are several other families in the village whose an cestry runs back as far as the Gileses ; and they have about them as many heir-looms to remind them of it. The village is filled with other characters, quite as original as any I have described. They are important personages, and have lived in it a long time ; but they have no family OLD DOCTOR STYLES. 225 history to fall back upon. There is Major Follctt, who still lingers on the shores of time, and sustains a vast dignity amid his declining years. Bis head is very white, his hat very sleek, and his silk vest is piled very full of ruffles. He carries a gold-headed cane, and when he marches through the streets, it rises and falls with great emphasis, in harmony with his right foot. Now and then he gives out an ahem ! one of the lordly kind that fairly awes down his infe riors. He is a remarkable talker, too, among his equals uses words saving a great many syllables. He never spits, but * expectorates his pains are all * paroxysms talks about the foreshadowing of events and all his periods are as round and stately as the march of a Roman army. The Major has actually made his assumed dignity pave his way in life it has given him wealth and influence among those who are intrinsically his superiors, but who do not know how to put on the airs of consequence. Old Doctor Styles is living yet. He has survived two or three crops of customers helped them in and out of the world balanced their accounts and his face is as ruddy, his laugh as hearty, his stories as ludicrous, his nose as full of snuff, as though nothing melancholy had ever happened in his practice. Eighty odd and more, he stands as straight as a staff. Death has been so long a business with him, and he has stared it for so many years in the face, that he really does not know, or care, how near he is to it himself. Crapo Jackson, the sexton, is one of the characters. He has announced the end of Doctor Styles labor a great many hundred times through the belfry, and helped cover up what remained. Crapo is black, but he has a fine heart. He is a perfect master of his work. He puts on an air of melan choly and circumspection at a funeral, that becomes the occasion. He sings from door to door, a hymn, on Christ- 10* PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. mas mornings, with cap in hand extended for his * quarter* peddles gingerbread on training days and aids the female portion of the community on festival occasions, and does a great many more things, too numerous to mention. Speaking of training days dear me ! there used to be a military spirit in this village, in times past. I can recol lect the names of scores of Generals, Majors, Colonels, Cap tains, and even Corporals yes, Corporals every man could n t be corporal in those times. Why, bless your soul, reader, there was General Peabody, and General Jones, and Major Goodwin, and Major Boles, and any quantity of Colo nels. And then training day nobody worked the village was upside down "Seventy-six was in command, and martial law declared. Major Boles I recollect, when in the active discharge of his duty. He always grew serious as the great militia mus ter drew on. He went away off by himself, into the cham ber, where he could be alone with the spirits of his forefathers, and burnished up his sword, shook out the dust from his regimentals warned his children to stand out of the way and looked ferociously at his wife. He knew he was Major Boles, and he knew every other respectable man knew it. But Major-General Peabody was the greatest general / ever saw. When a boy, I looked upon him as a very blood thirsty man, and nothing would have induced me to go near him. He was a little fellow in stature, had a hard round paunch, that looked like an iron-pot, and short, thick, drop sical legs. (Major Boles, who was a little envious, said they were stuffed, which produced a coldness between them,) his face was freckled, and his hair gray. He wore two massive epaulettes, an old revolutionary cap, shaped like the mooa in its first quarter, from which a white and red feather 1 TRAINING DAY. 227 curved over his left ear. He bad a sword and such a sword ! No body dared touch it ; for it was the General s sword ! Training day usually opened with a boom from the field-piece, at sunrise, that shook the hills. About ten in the morning, the soldiers began to pour in from all quarters. Drums and fifes and muskets and rifles filed along in confu sion, ambitious companies in uniform common militia, who were out according to law. Uncle Joe Billings, who had played the bass-drum for more than twenty years, (poor old man, he is dead now! ) was seen gravely marching along, all by himself his drum slung about his neck, his head erect, his step firm, pushing on to head-quarters, at the measured beat of his own music, now and then cutting a flourish with his right hand, for the amusement of the children who were capering around him. Knots of soldiers gathered about the tavern, and made a circle for the music to practice, prepar atory to the great come-off. Then came the good old con tinental tunes that were full of fight, played by old fifers and drummers that had been, through the wars ; men who made a solemn and earnest thing of martial music who rever enced it as the sacred voice of liberty, not to be trifled with, who thought of Bunker Hill, until the tears started from their eyes. Those old airs, that used to echo among the mountains of New-England where are they ? But the captains, and colonels, and generals did not mix with the common soldiers on training-day no! nor speak to them. Rank meant something. They felt as though they were out in a war. They kept themselves covered from the public gaze away off in a secluded corner of the tavern, and were waited upon with great respect by those of inferior grade. Sometimes a guard was stationed at the door, to prevent a crowd upon their dignity. Occasionally, one of 228 PVDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. them would bustle out among the rank and file on some mo mentous duty, fairly blazing with gold and silver, lace and feathers ; but there was never an instance of one of these characters recognizing even his own brother while in milita ry costume. Major Boles has often said that l no officer can be expected to see small things when in the active discharge of his duty. At about eleven o clock, the solemn roll of the drums was heard, and loud voices of command followed ; and swords flashed, and feathers danced, in the organization of the com panies ; and then came the training real training a mile down street ; a mile back again ; a perfect roar of music ; and flags flying horses prancing. What was rain, or dust, or mud with such an army ! They marched straight through it ; it was nothing to war. The sweat poured down, but the army moved on for hours and hours in its terrible march. The great sight of the day, however, was the Major-Gene ral and his staff I mean, of course, Major- General Pea- body. They were not seen until about three o clock in the afternoon; it being customary for them to withdraw from public observation the day prior to the muster. When the army was drawn up in the field, preparatory to inspection, there was usually a pause of an hour a pause that was deeply impressive. We never knew exactly where the Gene ral and his staff were concealed. Some persons said they were housed in one place, some in another ; but, upon the dis charge of a cannon, they burst upon us, glittering like the sun, and came cantering down the road with perfect fury, in a cloud of dust, followed by a score of boys who were on a sharp run to keep up. General Peabody and his staff always rushed headlong into the field, without looking to the right or left. I recol lect that on one occasion he demolished an apple-cart, and MAJOR-GENERAL PEABODY. V * absolutely turned every thing topsy-turvy, besides creating great consternation among the by-standers ; but it did not disturb him, and it was only upon information the next day that he knew that any thing serious had happened. Passing the ruins of the apple-cart, and entering within the guarded lines, he halted, and took a survey of his troops. Then the music saluted him, and the companies waved their flags. He rode a little nearer, rose in his stirrups, jerked out his sword spitefully, and, looking ferociously, cried out, * Shoulder arms ! This cry was just as spitefully repeated by the subordinate officers, and, after a while, the privates, one after another, lazily raised their pieces to their shoul ders. The General was in the act of rising again, and was drawing in his breath for a command of thunder, when his horse wheeled at the report of a musket that went off in the lines, and came near upsetting him, feathers and all ; but he fell into the arms of one of his aids, and swore, as I was at the time credibly informed, though I could hardly be lieve it. The General very soon righted himself, and striking his horse several violent blows across his rump, cut a great many flourishes on the field, to the utter astonishment of the look ers-on. He then rushed through the orders of the day like a mad man, and was manifestly utterly fearless of conse quences. I hope my readers are satisfied that Major-General Pea body was a great military character. I recollect, when a boy, that I heard him say, that he was very sure he would be the last man to run in a fight that he was afraid to trust himself in a battle, for he never could lay down his sword until the last enemy was massacred ! The old man was laid under the turf one autumnal after noon, many years ago, but his prowess is not forgotten to 230 PLUDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. this day. His son, Colonel Aslier Peabody, who inherited his father s spirit, erected a stately monument over his re mains, which was covered with drums, and fifes, and swords, and waving banners, and big-mouthed guns, intermixed with texts of Scripture, the virtues of the deceased, admonitions to the living, etc. This monument was always as terrific to me as the Genera] himself; and, in my boyish days, I always contemplated it from a distance, not knowing but that it might blow up a piece of juvenile impertinence like myself on the spot. Yes, reader, these were training-days in New-England ; but the military glory has now actually died out. The last gathering I saw I shall never forget. It was, indeed, a sorry group, made up of a rusty captain, two or three faded cor porals, and a handful of dare-devil privates, who cared no more for their country than so many heathen. The officers looked cowed and heart-broken, and loitered about in a very melancholy way, and it was evident that the spirit of 76 was on its last legs. I afterwards learned, I am sorry to say, that the captain, in a fit of patriotic rage, broke his sword across his knee, and declared that he never would turn out again as long as his name was Jones ! And, then, reader, this village was full of boys when I was a boy. Every village is, you say. Very likely ; but such boys; there have never been any thing like them since. They wandered with me Saturday afternoons through the meadows, where the lark was flitting and singing ; and we related wonderful stories about the future. We cut red-wil low canes, made whistles, and dammed mountain rivulets. Life opened to us with a chant : it was melody, melody, every where. There was the mountain-gorge, down which we rolled stones with the voice of thunder; the big rock, in the river, from which we fished ; the pond, that we ALL THIS BELONGS TO PUDDLEFORD. i,3 thought had no bottom ; the mountain cliff, with its den of snakes : where are those boys now ? Every where no where ! Citizens of the world, some ; and some of that other world. They will never be all gathered but once more. But what has all this to do with Puddleford? Much. They are so many pictures that I carry around with me, and they form a part of my existence. They color life, thought? action : they mould the man : they are continually inviting contrasts, and making suggestions, and I cannot omit to no tice them in my sketch of that famous village. When I last saw my native village it was but a little while ago it lay sleeping in its amphitheatre as beautiful and tranquil as ever among the shadows of its elms. It was summer, and the air was rich with music and flowers. The highest peaks of the mountain were draped in blue, and the valley beneath was a waving sea of green, down which the sunshine chased the shade. The quail was blowing his sim ple pipe among the fields of grain ; the drone of the locust, the clanging of the mower s scythe, and the shout and the song were heard in the fields in the still afternoon. When the sun went down, and its last flash leaped from the vane on the church-steeple to a lofty mountain-peak, three miles away, the whip-poor-will began her plaintive song, and the night-hawks went wheeling through the sky. Then the evening bells broke forth, and their echoes sobered the twi light; and, as their last vibration expired along the valley, the river stood golden beneath the rays of the moon. 232 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XX. First Militia Law in Puddleford Aunt Sonora opposed to it Turtle sets her right Meeting to choose Officers Longbow Electioneers for Captain Takes the Chair Turtle Objects Pints of Order Vivy Vocy vote won t do Legally authorized Boxes must be had Longbow s speech Turtle fined for Contempt Longbow Elec ted Captain Great Military turn out Company turn a Circle Break down Turn an Angle Break down again Address to Troops Adjourn sine die. THIS grea republic has ever been notorious for its patri otism, and this patriotism used to break out every where, in days past, into a volcanic eruption on days of general militia muster. Puddleford began very early to feel the necessity of a spontaneous expression of its devotion to our common country. When it was very new, and before any law had been passed by the legislature organizing its people into companies, regiments, battalions, and divisions, very strong premonitory symptoms of war were frequently manifested. Beagle brought into the country an old snare-drum, which gave out a very crazy sound. Swipes owned a fife that squeaked most hideously; and this fife and drum, \vith their owners tied to them, often went on one of the most public corners of the village, on moonlight nights, and roused up the war-spirit of the whole neighborhood. They seemed to put the very furies into the dogs, who barked and howled from every quarter. By-and-bye, a law was passed by the legis lature of the state, compelling every man to do militia duty, under fines and penalties, that were really frightful ; and Turtle most solemnly declared upon the strength of a fee of FIRST MILITIA DAY IN PUDDLEFORD. 233 one dollar to him paid for his advice thereon, " that the ac^ was constitutional, and according to the common la and the staterts, and that it must be lived up to, fodder or no fod der S" Aunt Sonora said, " she didn t see -what under heavens an airth anybody wanted of a war la ; they d allers got along well nough in Puddleford minding their own business. Somebody allers got killed when there were so many guns and sogers, and so much powder ; and for her part, she d not stay round any such gatherings, if she starv d in jail. She d quit the settlement fust !" Turtle informed the old lady that " wimin wouldn t have- ter turn out; it was only the men over eighteen years of age and that there was no fighting done only in case of actual invasion of the country, when wimin and all would have-ter fight like blazes, or the whole settlement would be laid in ashes." Aunt Sonora still insisted that " guns were dang-vous, any way ; that they would go off, nobody knew when, and she shouldn t be sprised to hear of a dozen men being killed at every trainin ; if men would only be ker-ful, but then they wouldn t ; they d all get as crazy as March hares, and as wild as loons 1" By the law every company was permitted to choose its own officers," and Puddleford counted just about people enough to make a respectable organization of one company in numbers. It was resolved to hold a meeting for organi zation, and to immediately choose officers, at the tavern of Bulliphant, no man under eighteen years of age to be present, because, as Longbow declared, " that would be agin the la , and the proceedings would be all squashed." In truth, Longbow, had no doubt in his mind, from the very first, that he would be captain from the very necessity of the 234 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. case. He was, he thought, the military pillar of the whole township, as well as the civil, and as he had generalled every thing so far, he did not believe any one would dare to dispute his inalienable right to that eminent position. So the Squire began very early to talk learnedly about the last war, and the blood and fury which accompanied it, and he put on a very fero cious look when in public, and was frequently seen prac tising with his old fusee at a mark, which discharged like a funnel, wrong end foremost. " He had a brother," he said, " who fit at Lunder s Lane, and who was shot in the back, by savage Injuns in the rear, jest as he was a-bagnetting some of the British !" Turtle, who was a little ambitious for the office, and who saw the drift of the Squire s bravado, said, he " guessed he was a runnin when he got that are shot." The Squire replied, that " he shouldn t sit still and hear such talk from any man. He didn t care bout his brother it warnt that but to hear the patriots of our country slandered, was a species of high treason, and that was agin the Constitution, and that ere insterrnent couldn t be violated in his presence by no man he was a sworn officer and the glorious blood of the great wars was a sacred thing in his eye and it should be protected." Turtle declared " it didn t make any difference what the Squire s brother did, or did not do it didn t help the Squire any. He guessed the Squire s blood had Peter d out." The Squire said " he was the last man to boast of his relations, but blood was blood whatever they might say." On the famous night when the election came off, the tavern of Bulliphant was crowded. A dozen or more ragged urchins, who had been barred out by authority contained in the notice, had clustered around the windows, and were gazing MEETING TO CHOOSE OFFICERS. 235 in with awe upon the assemblage. The "wimin" had been admitted by special grace, and occupied the adjoining rooms. It was a most momentous occasion a great day for Pud- dleford " it looked so much like war," as Aunt Sonora said, " as if they were a-going^ to fight right off." The Squire rose, after the crowd had gathered, and said, " the first thing in order was to drink it wouldn t be proper to enter into any important military business, with out first drinking to our common country and he wished the landlud to set on a gallon of baldface the Puddleford name for whisky so the wheels could be started right." " And another thing," exclaimed Turtle, " we want the American flag and an eagle, these ere glorious symbols that went along with our forefathers, when they were a fighting for the liberties of our country !" but as Puddleford had no flag, a compromise was made, and the meeting concluded to nail a shilling pocket handkerchief, which had one painted on it, to the bar, leave out the eagle, and take the whisky. Squire Longbow took the chair, and said he would listen to anything the meetin had to say. He was by la inspec tor of elections." Turtle objected " he didn t know whether he d take the chair or not that was for the meetin to say." The Squire said, " he took it by virtue of being a mem ber of the board of inspectors of township elections and this was one of em a regular township lection, and nothing else, held by authority of la , under the statert, past and proved, and sent him as justis to be lived up to." Turtle replied, " he didn t see how the Squire was a-board of inspectors; cordin to his own showin where s the town ship clerk, and where s the supervisor have you s wallow d em all up, Mr. Longbow ?" he objected, and he wanted his objection noted taken down in black and white. 236 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. The Squire said, " that was their business if they neglec ted the defence of our common country, he couldn t help it he meant to be a patriot, and stand up to the Constitution and staterts, if every man in Puddleford turned traitor." The Squire swelled out very large, after concluding this speech." At this point, Aunt Sonora, who was intently absorbed in the earnestness which pervaded the meeting, and who sat in the next room, rose, and asked the Squire " If there was really goin to be war ?" The Squire replied, "that the meetin must not be dis turbed ; the wimin had been let in as a great favor for he didn t think the statert meant to have a soul on em present, and he didn t know but jest that thing would blow all the proceedings to flinders in the higher courts, and that every soul on em would be court-martialled." Aunt Sonora slunk out of sight, drew her handkerchief, and heaved a Jong sigh. Turtle rose and said, "he would nominate the Colonel captain of the first militia company of Puddleford." " That s straight agin law," exclaimed the Squire, " that makes a vivy vocy vote on t, and we can t take any vivy vocy vote here ; this ere thing has got-ter go through the town-ballot box, or it won t be legal this vote must be returned in form to the governor, and if he should see it was a vivy vocy vote, he d squash everything quicker n you could say Jack Robin son." The Squire didn t like the nomination he was deter mined to be captain himself. Turtle asked the Squire " if a hat would not do to collect votes 2" The Squire said, " Nothing short of the legally authorized boxes ; he couldn t trample down the la ." The legally authorized boxes were procured, and the vot ing was ready to go forward. LEGALLY AUTHORIZED BOXES. 237 Hereupon, the Squire arose, and blowing his nose with one finger, a side at a time, and heaving a few sepulchral hems, said " that it was his duty to say a few words : He was something of a military man himself he belonged to the Hos Guards down in the Susquehannas, when he was a young man, a great many years ago, and they had sham fights eny most every year." (" Was anybody killed ?" exclaimed Aunt Sonora, who had forgot herself, and whose nerves had been shocked by hearing the word " fight.") The Squire turned to Aunt Sonora, and declared that " it was the last time she should speak. They had sham fights most every year," continued the Squire, " and he recollected that while pursuing the inemy in an open field, he fell from his horse, and bruised his head, but he caught his horse agin, and jined his company, fore any body knew what had hap pened." Turtle rose, and inquired " What he put on his head ? If it warn t opodildoc ?" " And that company," continued the Squire, disregarding Turtle s question, " is in existence yet, and is commanded by Captain Zekiel, Zekiel, Zekiel, I don t know what his tother name is, and there ain t no time, feller citizens, sin it s bin a company, that it wouldn t er turned out in war if ther d bin a war, and they d bin called on, feller ^citizens." Turtle said 4 he know d about the last war, and he never heer d of that company of Horse Guards no where." " Ah ! but you see !" answered the Squire, * they wern t called on and he might as well say that he was Ze/"-tenant onct in the great Pennsylvaney Militia not that he wanted to be captain of this company and he might a gone higher, but he wouldn t take it his former wife, that is dead and gone, know d that and then, feller citizens, there s a great deal of la bout our militia, and if a captin don t know the 238 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. la , every thing will be illegal, and every son of you will be called up and court-rnartial-ed, and fined, and prisoned, and your property taken and sold, and there ain t no peeling it up, for military laws ain t like other laws, feller citizens, they ain t" " That s a lie !" exclaimed Turtle. " Who says that s a lie ?" vociferated the Squire, jerking his head around. " What s a lie !" " It s all a lie !" repeated Ike. " Give me that ere statement," roared the Squire. It was handed up. " By authority in me vested, in that ere book, I fine you one dollar it s a contempt, sir a contempt upon both a Justice of the Peace, and a Spector of Lections I oughter say two dollars it s a double contempt I fine you one dollar, sir, and you can t vote, sir, here, sir, in this ere meeting, sir, while you re under contempt, sir, until you pay the dollar, sir and I might sue you for special damages, sir, but / don t care bout that, sir it is my office that I am protecting" and the Squire sat down in the midst of his unfinished speech, filled with wrath. Squire Longbow was very sincere in the position which he had so confidently taken. He had been so long a magis trate, and " head man " of Puddleford, and he had been so closely identified with- its public affairs] that he felt himself always in court, and every personal insult was construed by him into a contempt. Turtle humored the weakness of the old man, when his dignity was in jeopardy, and, on this occasion he felt no alarm, for he knew that the fine would never be collected. Turtle owed the Squire more fines already than he was worth. Squire Longbow was elected captain of the Puddleford company. When he spoke so eloquently of the liberty and and property of the people being so likely to be jeopardized GREAT MILITARY TURN-OUT. 239 b) an officer ignorant in the law, he carried his point, for there was no man in the settlement so mighty as the Squire in that respect, in the estimation of the public. In the fall, the Squire exhibited the first Puddleford Militia Company ever assembled upon parade, to the gaping wonder of its men, women and children. lie formed his raw recruits into a line, by the aid of a board fence, which was supposed to be nearly straight, in the outskirts of the place. The Squire was a very blood-thirsty looking captain, after he had mounted his regimentals. He had turned up a broad-brimmed felt hat, and tacked the sides by a flaming red cockade, made of flannel, and had fastened an ostrich feather, which he found in the wardrobe of his second wife, Aunt Graves, in its top, which drooped heavily over his back. His coat was his best homespun, the same that was woven by the hands of his first wife, and in which he afterward? courted Aunt Graves, and it was bedizened with stripes of cloth of every color. His sword was an old-fashioned affair, which he had loaned of Ike Turtle, and was an heir-loom in the Turtle family, it having been used by his grandfather in the Revolutionary War. His waistcoat was red, and his boot legs came over his pantaloons, each one supporting a heavy cotton tassel, which swung to and fro as he walked. The company was as complete a specimen of ragamuffins as were ever congregated together. There were three guns to the crowd, and the balance of the arms were made up of the most murderous implements within reach, such as axes, pitchforks, (fee- But the Squire did not forget his dignity for a single moment. He put on a martial air, and felt himself every inch a captain. While his company stood erect in a line against the board-fence, he marched backwards and for wards, looking at it over his shoulder, with the greatest 240 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. military pride, while three dogs, his own property, and who had come out to witness the parade, trotted after him. When the Squire wheeled to retrace his steps, the dogs wheeled ; when the Squire faced about to take a broadside view of his company, the dogs sat down on their haunches, an<l took a view with him. During the exercises, the Squire accidentally cut a low flourish with his sword, and upset one of his own curs, who went howling towards the fence, and lay down in the shade, perfectly satisfied with war, while the other two, taking warning, retired farther in the rear, where they thought they could see just as well. The Squire had not studied very deeply military works on tactics, and his orders were somewhat monotonous, and were mostly, made up of two : -" Shoul-c?er arms !" and "Rest!" Walking a few paces, he would suddenly wheel and cry, like the crack ing of a pistol, in a most furious tone u Shoul-oter arms !" then taking a few strides, which seemed to soften his temper, he would turn softly, as if he repented his harshness, with " Rest I" And the Puddleford company for an hour shoul dered and un-shouldered their arms, to the astonishment of the crowd of urchins that were looking on. It had been announced for a week, that the field exercises would come off in the afternoon, at three o clock. The ladies were invited to attend at that hour, to witness the dis play. Squire Longbow gave as a reason for this second eruption of patriotism, that the " Hos Guards down on the Susquehannas, allers had field-exercises in the arternoon," " that if it hadn t-er been for field exercises, the Hos Guards wouldn t-er never been fit for war," and Aunt Sonora told Mrs. Swipes, and Mrs. Swipes told Mrs. Beagle, and they all told somebody else, that the field exercises were going to be " jist sich as the Squire used to have down on the Susquehannas." Aunt Sonora, however, sent down her boy GREAT MILITARY TURK-OUT. 241 Jabez to inquire of Squire Longbow s wife, if there was a-goin to be any shoo tin there, for if there was, " she was the last critter that would go she could tell em that." At noon the Puddleford company adjourned for one hour, when the Squire thanked them, " one and all, for their grand military performance, which was a credit alike unto them- elves and their country, and he hop d they d be on hand in Jie arter-woow, cordin to law." At three o clock the troops assembled for field exercises, in a ten-acre lot, and they appeared to be very much recruited. Some eight or ten of the patriots, however, had evidently been indulging at the ;< Eagle t " and they did not stand quite plumb. The captain found it very difficult to form them into a line. Beagle could not possibly shoulder arms with out sagging against the column. Swipes stood much straighter than he did when sober in the forenoon. He was BO anxious to disguise his condition, that he had planted himself in a most defiant attitude, with one foot advanced, and had fixed his eyes upon the sky ; he went through the exercises in a twitching, nervous way, as if Longbow was moving him like a puppet by a string. Turtle felt mischiev ously well, and the colonel stood as stoical as if he expected to lay down his life before the enemy in fifteen minutes. The Squire s three dogs, who had been out during the forenoon, had returned to see the end of the parade. Thirty >r forty women and children were also present, sitting upon tumps, and hanging upon fences in a very miscellaneous ort of confusion. Aunt Sonora and Mrs. Longbow had rocured a couple of chairs, and the old lady seated herself ,nd took up her knitting. Mrs. Longbow did not mix very >nuch with the crowd,- because she could not forget that her husband was "captin of the day," as she said, and she and her husband she felt to be one. 11 242 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. The Squire formed the company into a line. " The fust thing to be did," exclaimed he, drawing his sword, and swinging it three times round his head, as a kind of three cheers, and scaring his dogs by this frightful flourish, repeated before their eyes, and who had not forgotten the accident of the morning " the fust thing to be did, feller sogers, is to turn a circle." " To turn a what?" roared Turtle from the ranks. " To turn a circle," repeated the captain, " as the Hos Guards used to do, down inter the Susquehannas." " T-h-u-n-d-e-r ! !" ejaculated Ike. "No talking in the ranks tis finable and twon t be permitted we re under martial law, and that s very swra ry, Mr. Turtle, very sundry ! And to turn a circle," continued the Squire, "is one-er the most complercated revolutions ever performed by the Hos Guards. I hereby appoint Mr. Beagle the centre pin. Mr. Turtle will head the column Mr. Beagle will stand still, and the column will sweep round him, to the point from which they started. Heads up ! Shoul-c&r arms ! Ev ry man to his post !" The captain drew his sword, and cried terribly, " For-erc? men !" Turtle ran the man behind him ran and all ran, helter-skelter, some whooping, some groaning, and in their sweep, they took in a score of ragged boys, and hurled them upon Aunt Sonora and Mrs. Longbow, who keeled over backwards in their chairs, their petticoats fluttering in their summerset, in the face of the whole company. The Squire forgetting his own position, when he saw the position of his second wife, hastened to her rescue, set her up, and pointed with his sword to the road, and she and Aunt Sonora pushed desperately for the fence, their hair streaming behind them, bellowing " Murder !" while the company brought up in the shape of a pot-hook, having about half described the circle, Beagle, the " centre-pin," crying to them to " come on !" TURNING AN ANGLE. 243 " H 11 !" involuntarily ejaculated the Squire, as he looked upon the confusion. "That s swearin " said Ike from the ranks, and is agin the statert. The Squire explained. "He didn t swear as a justis , he swore as a captin , and captins aller s swore on the field-er action but he d take that ere oath back. " What ! do you spose the Hos-guards would think of such a revolution as that ere, continued the Squire, looking at the huddle before him, " wouldn t they swear ? Do you call that a circle ? Every man to his post in a line ?" and the company strag gled back into a column. Aiint Sonora sat upon the fence, panting with fright, and fanning her flushed face with her cotton handkerchief. She told Mr. Longbow that "she know d that somebody d be kilFd afore night these sogers were so Xrer-less everybody was so hurly-burly, they d run anybody right down, and stomp on em, and if she hadn t got out-er the way jist as she did, she would have been a dead woman, she know d. * Now," said the Squire, " we ll try to turn an angle, if you can t turn a circle ; may-be you can turn an angle, and we ll drive a stake to turn it by, and Mr. Turtle will again bead the column." The stake was driven at the point of the right-angle, "where," laid the captain, "you will all turn square around." The column moved forward solemnly, in a line like a scythe snath, and reaching the corner, began to waver. Beagle at last fell headlong over the stake, and the whole company brought up in a pile around him, whereupon the Squire threw his sword on the ground, and declared, " he d throw up his com mission and the country might go to grass for all him." Turtle, who had brought about this confusion, u regretted the misfortune. It was all an accident Beagle had fallen 244 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. and discomboberated the whole proceedings accidents would occur on the field and, in fact, he knovv d a man shot clown dead once in the ranks he gues.s d the movement had better be tried over, the stake he thought, was a leetle too high." The Squire said, " it was very discouragin the Hos-Guards down on the Sasquehannas turned an angle the fust time tryin, and on hosses too. His fast wife, now dead and gone, knovv d that, for she was thar it was one of the sim plest revolutions in all military tactics. He would like jist to know what a company would be good for, on a field-er battle, that couldn t turn an angle ? He would jist like to know what they would do if they were following the enemy through a hilly country, if they couldn t turn an angle ? they d all be butcher d, fore they could get round to the spot they d started for. War was war and the revolution ought *to be did jist as if we were to-day fightin for our liberties. He d like to know what the Hos-Guards would say if he should tell em that one of his sojers had fallen down turnin an angle! He would throw up his commission afore he d tell em any such thing." Beagle said he "stumbled," "Stumbled!" roared the Squire. " You stumbled ! who ever heard of the Hos-Guards stumbling ! Stumbled ? by the great Bonyparte that aint swearin, Mr. Turtle you d be hung by the neck sir, if you stumbled on the field-er battle it s a hanging offence, sir - a hanging offence, sir we are under martial law, sir, to-day, sir, and if it was war time, sir, I d order you to be stretch d, sir, in five minutes sir, from that ere tree, sir I d show you war, sir real war, sir ! bloody war, sir !" Turtle suggested that a lower stake had "better be driven or the outside angle of the fence would be still better, that would stand they could walk round a fence corner, lie knew. ADDRESS TO THE TROOPS. 245 Aunt Sonora, " hop d for massy-sakes they warn t a-goin to come out of the field they ought-er be fenced in she thought it warn t safe !" Mrs. Longbow, who had great confidence in her husband, said, " she needn t be alarm d any, the capt n would take care on em." The Squire declared, "he wouldn t try any sich revolu tion over agin, but he thought they could march in platoons, and thereupon he cried, Company form in platoons / " Turtle said, " he wasn t any war character, and he didn t know what a platoon was, but he know d Injun file." " Well, Injun file then," exclaimed the captain, and from Injun file, Longbow set them around into a hollow square, put the women in the centre, and he delivered to his troops, the address of the day, with uncovered heads, and in the most affecting silence. The address was a very patriotic production. The Squire drew heavily from the great revolutionary war, to find inspiring materials to stimulate his forces. He told them among other things, that his own grandfather was " wounded in the hip, a-fightin for his country, and that he draw d a pension arterwards as long as he lived. He hop d they d all get ready for the great muster that was a-going to come off in a few weeks, for the gin ral would be there, then, and a good deal was expected of the Puddleford company on that occasion." The Squire had forgotten the unfortunate blunders of the day, in his enthusiasm, or at any rate, he did not allude to them, for he said, " he was proud of the soldier like bearing of his men, and the great respect they all seem d to have for their captin that their arms were not zactly accordin to la. " " Cording to the Lord," whispered Aunt Sonora, horri fied, very audibly " Hear that." 246 IUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. " Cording to la 1 " repeated the Squire, who overheard her, " not zactly cordin to la , but it is a constructive compliance with the statert, and will pass muster, on the first turn-out, and thanking them all for their attendance, he adjourned the company sincy die" MRS. BIRD GETS IN A RAGE. 247 CHAPTER XXL Mrs. Bird gets in a Rage Starve a Child Mrs. Bird blows off at Mrs. Beagle Takes breath Blows off again Mrs. Beagle gives a piece of her Mind Aunt Sonora drops in She has no Faith in Second Wives All adjourn to the House of Mrs. Swipes General Fight of Tongues Mrs. Swipes gives her Opinion A Dead Set by all upon Mrs. Longbow Mrs. Longbow raps at the door The scene changes Final wind up. AUNT GRAVES had not got warm in her seat as mistress of Squire Longbow s household, when she found half of the female portion of Puddleford upon her in full cry. The Swipeses and the Beagles, and Birds, who were very jealous of the sudden elevation of the old spinster, gave her no peace night nor day. They had seen the time when she looked up to them, and now she was the wife of a Squire had taken good old Mrs. Longbow s place, and "really," as they said, " tried to lord it over them." Mrs. Bird went all the way in the rain, mud over shoe, to inform Mrs. Beagle " that she warn t a-goin to stand it any longer; she d seen enough, and if other people were amind to blind their eyes,- they might she guessed she know d what was what she warn t brought into the world for nothin they might humbug her if they could she only wished old Mrs. Longbow could jist rise from her grave jist once that s all she would ask she d make a scatterin among the dry bones jist to think to think" "What!" exclaimed Mrs. Beagle, who stood waiting for 248 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. the climax, with her mouth wide open, holding her dish* cloth in her hand. " What ? what ?" repeated Mrs. Bird, " you may well say what that Longbow woman abuses little Elvira Julia Long bow like sixty the Jar-ling creature how my heart bleeds that child," continued Mrs. Bird, putting down each word in a measured way, by striking her fist on the table " that child that dear Elvira Julia the idol you know of her mother and what a mother she had, too, Mrs. Beagle oh, what a mother ! That child- is starved ! She don t get half enough to eat I know it just as well as if the child had told me so with her own lips. She looks puny like. She didn t hold up her head in church all sarvice time, last Sunday how my heart ached for her I couldn t think of nothin else and to think to think, Mrs. Beagle, that that woman who warn t nobody, and who d come onto the town, if she hadn t fooled the old Squire, is now going to turn round and starve his children. One thing I do know, I shall never knuckle to her not while my name is Bird I ll let her know who Mrs. Bird is. She U find out that the Birds can hoe their own row the Birds allers have liv d, and will live, I guess, and they never were beholdin to the Longbows, nuther starve a child and if she thinks I ever mean to know her as anybody but old Poll Graves, she is most grandly mistaken. I ll jist tell her who old Graves, her father, was, and what he was, and how he used to drink, the old brute. She knows it all but she thinks Mrs. Bird forgets su.ch things but Mrs. Bird don t forget such things she has a long memory and her mother warn t none too good, nuther I could touch her up a little on that. Starve a child ! Lord-a-massey, I spose she thinks she is the queen of Pud- dleford, now, and can do as she has a mind-ter. If she don t run agin a snag some day, then call Sally Bird a liar, that s MRS. BEAGLE GIVES A PIECE OF HER MIND. 249 all. Pride must have its fall, Mrs. Beagle," and here Mrs. Bird took the first long breath, after entering the house. " How you do talk," ejaculated Mrs. Beagle, her eyes half started from her head, " I d thought just as much but dare not say so." " Darsen t ! darsen t !" popped Mrs. Bird, " well thank the Lord / dare ; I ll pull down the whole Longbow nest around her ears ; I ll complain to the town officers ; I ll have hei taken up, and then let her show her hand ; to think that the child of that dear, good woman, we lov d so much, should be starved ! And that ain t all : old Longbow is one of the most miserablest men livin ; he don t have a minute s peace day nor night ; he rolls and tumbles, and talks to himself thinks, in his dreams, that his former wife is back agin, and he talks to her jest as if she was ; he hain t had a full meal for a month. She is the sta /i-giest of all mortals! She liv d on nothin afore she was married why she counts the very coffee kernels she uses she allers was afraid of goin to the poor-house pity she hadn t-er gone but la-sa-rne, you can t get one of the Longbows to say a word about it they are as whist as mice fairly caught less said the better, you know they are so everlastin etarnal proud, the hull pack on em would die before they d let any thing out- - but they can t deceive Mrs. Bird murder will out starve a ohild !" and here Mrs. Bird took another long breath. Mrs. Beagle looked still wilder, if possible, than before. But she was very a cautious woman, as has been seen. There was a method in her malice. " She had thought for a long time," she said, " that affairs were all wrong-end- foremost at the Longbows. She could see some things too. But she didn t want to say a word agin nobody. She had allers tried to be a keertul woman and she was a keerful woman and although she said it, who had not orter say it, she 11* 250 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. was a keerful woman. She tried to live in peace and Chris tian charity with everybody and she would put up with eny most anything rather than to have hard feelings gin any body. She had allers been a friend of Mrs. Longbow, and was really glad when she heard she had at last got mar ried, for she did think she would make a good wife she had orter, for Squire Longbow had been the makin on her, and had set her up in the world for sumtlun 1 but things warn t- er a-goin right, that she know d, and had know d it for a long time, the old Squire looked as cowecMike as if he d give all his old shoes to see his old wife back agin he didn t look so chirck as he used to do but then she didn t want- er say nothin about it, for there was one thing she didn t do she didn t talk about her neighbors if there was any kind of people that she did hate, it was the slanderers she never slandered nobody but she allers did know that Mrs. Long bow, was tighter than bark to a tree she used to jest keep soul and body together fore she married a leetle too tight to be honest there wern t no slander in that she hadn t said she was dishonest, nor she warn t a-goin to say it she would skin a copper the closest of any body she ever see d ; such people can t be honest they will cheat in the dark not that she meant to say that Mrs. Longbow would cheat she slandered nobody but the child did look half-starved, and any body could see it, with one eye, and you can t learn old dogs new tricks what s bred in the bone, stays there and the old Squire s darter, Livinny, looks like death, too she s lost a mother, and it ll be a long time before that woman will fill her place this is between you and me. Mrs. Bird twarn t no longer than t other day that Mrs. Swipes told me that old Longbow wanted to marry Mary Jane Arabella, but Mrs. Swipes said she jest put her foot down and said No ! and he s been cross-grained at her ever since. Well well so it goes." AUNT SONORA DROPS IN. 251 Aunt Sonora dropped in " to take a breath " as she said. Mrs. Bird and Mrs. Beagle had to repeat to her the new developments in the Longbow family, with some new addi tions. Aunt Sonora said she never did have any faith in second wives. ** Depend upon t," said the old lady, " no good comas out on em. And the old maids were the very worst on em all. They were the awfullest dead-settest people she ever know d. They will have their way. They allers rule the roost. She guessed that her old man knew when he was well off. He hated second marriages, like pizen." Finally, the women after exhausting themselves, all agreed to adjourn to the house of Mrs. Swipes, to see what could be done to improve the domestic arrangements of the Longbow family. Mrs. Bird said. at first, she wouldn t move an inch, to see Mrs. Swipes or any body else, for it wasn t no business of her n, but then she know d that if it was her child, and she was dead, and Mrs. Longbow wasn t dead, Mrs. Longbow would do just as she did. Mrs. Swipes was delighted to see such a crowd of her friends, but declared " she couldn t for the life of her, tell what was up." By the time the " ladies " had arrived at the house of Mrs. Swipes, they were very highly charged with, electricity. They had lashed themselves into a very respectable sort of fury. Even Aunt Sonora, amiable as she was, muttered to herself, while crossing the road " Starve a child !" Nobody ever told Mrs. Swipes any news that was not possible she had always heard of it, seen it, or expected it ; the most astounding development, was no more than she had "allers known would come about." There was no story so large, that it was unexpected, or beyond her power to add a little to it no black so black, that she couldn t make it a 252 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. little blacker no slander so public, but tbat she had heerM a little more than her neighbors of it. A piece of scandal melted like sugar in her mouth, and it seemed to send a glow over her whole being, while she digested it; it braced her up for a whole day, and carried her through the most fiery domestic trials no story, therefore, ever lost strength or sting, while in her keeping -it gathered weight and power like a snow-ball she paid it out with interest. Her hus band, Zeb Swipes, she didn t like, for he did not care a pin about his neighbors, " specially the women folks," as he said, and Mrs. Swipes declared she never could interest him in the wickedness of the place. Many a time she had talked him to sleep, flaring and foaming and fretting about Puddle- ford. When Mrs. Bird, and Beagle, and Aunt Sonora, entered Mrs. Swipes room, the clap burst at once from the whole delegation. " Don t you think !" exclaimed Mrs. Bird. " Did you ever !" snapped Mrs. Beagle. "Pretty doin s these," chimed in Aunt Sonora. " That that thing !" " that Longbow woman," continued Mrs. Bird. "Starve!" added Mrs. Beagle. " Yes, starve !" repeated Mrs. Bird. "A child !" groaned Aunt Sonora. " Yes, a child ! gasped Mrs. Bird "And to think !" said Mrs Beagle. " Yes to think !" said Mrs. Bird. " Only to think !" repeated Aunt Sonora. " That," continued Mrs. Beagle. "Yes, that" said Aunt Sonora. " What she was," said Mrs. Beagle. " Only jest to think," screamed Mrs. Bird, STARVE A CHILD. 253 " Nobody," continued Mrs. Beagle. " Nobody at all /" snapped Mrs. Bird. " But," said Mrs. Beagle. "But what?" inquired Mrs. Bird. "But old Poll Graves!" screamed the whole three together . "Hadn t the second gown to her back," added Mrs. Bird. " Foller d sowing too, for a living," hinted Mrs. Beagle. "And glad enough to get it, too," sputtered Mrs. Bird. " Couldn t-er worn Squire Longbow s old shoes, then," said Mrs. Beagle. "And now she puts on more ker-ink-tums than the governor s darter," spit out Mrs. Bird. " Starve a child !" exclaimed another. " Yes, starve a child," chimed in all the rest, in a most furious tone of malicious spite, that almost raised the roof. When the storm had spent itself on the head of Mrs. Swipes, who stood it with philosophy, for she liked it, all hands " set in " to tell her of the barbarous cruelty of Mrs. Longbow. Mrs. Swipes replied, " that nothin more could have been expected on her old Longbow might-er known she d-er taken the very hide off on him, and off all on em if he didn t know what Poll Graves was, then it was his fault ; if he hadn t liv d long-er enough in this community to find her out, then the old fool ought-er surfer good nough for him. He tried to get our Mary Jane Arabella, fore he went arter her but I let him know that I was the mother of that gal. He found that Mrs. Swipes had a word to say, and it took me to send the old codger a-drift it jest did. It s nough to make one s blood run cold to see the highty-tighty airs that woman puts on. Last Sunday, she had on all of old Mrs. dead and gone Longbow s finery-finery that bun- m t, the very same that she bought at Whistle and Sharp s 54 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. store price, twenty shillings and six-pence bought it not mor n two weeks afore she died. That drab of her n, you know ; the dear good woman, never worn it mor n onct or twict, tended Deacon Pettibone s funeral with it, I remember that very same 6ww-nit, and she had it on, and she had on at the same time, old Mrs. Longbow s gown, and shawl too, and she did come a sailing right inter church, jest as if she was lord of the manor ! I thought old Mrs. Long bow had rose from her grave, and I shed tears on the spot. It made my blood run cold. Thinks I to myself, old critter, if Mrs. Longbow should jest come back agin, she d make you scatter, she would she d tear them clothes off on you she d let you know, where your place was ; she d learn you to dress up inter her clothes. You d rue the day you ever tried that game with her. Starv-e a child ? Why, of course she will any body that don t care nothin bout dead folkses clothes, don t care nothing bout folkses children." At this point, the whole pack made another dead set at Mrs. Longbow, with the exception of Aunt Sonora, who sat rocking violently, and taking snuff. It is impossible to repeat the jargon that made up the hurly-burly that followed. All the troop were firing together, all kinds of shot and epithets and sentences were violently broken up into fragments by each other, and hurled in a mass at Mrs. Longbow s head with the hottest vengeance. It might have looked something like the following: "Nobody!" "Who cares!" "I ll let her!" "Just to think!" "Starve!" "Yes, starve!" "A child!" "That new bonnit !" " Twenty shillings !" " Sowed for a livin !" "And sixpence !" "Yes, and sixpence !" " Right in church !" " Hardly cold in !" " The poor child !" " And gown, too !" " Her grave !" " Hardly cold in her grave !" " Marry !" " Was as poor !" " Marry my Mary !" "As poor as Job s !" A DEAD SET AT MRS. LONGBOW; 255 " Marry my Mary Jane Arabella !" " Was as poor as Job s turkey !" " I can see !" " I only wish !" " I can see how it !" " I only wish old Mrs. Longbow could !" " Goes !" " Rise from her !" "Starve!" "Grave!" " I ll complain !" "I wonder!" "To the town!" "If she thinks!" "Starve!" "I ll knuckle!" "A child!" "To her!" "Poll!" "No.!" "Old!" "Not as long as my" " Poll !" Name is" " Graves !" " Bird !" There was a rap at the door, and the uproar ceased, and the vixens Were magnetized as instantaneously and as com pletely, as if they had all been stricken with palsy, and their tongues fastened to the roofs of their mouths. Mrs. Swipes put on a smile and courtesied to the door, opened it, and there stood Mrs. Longbow ! " Good afternoon, Mrs. Longbow. Well, I do declare !" exclaimed Mrs. Swipes, putting on one of her blandest faces, " you have raaly gol^out at last. It warn t no longer than this very morning, that Snipes and I were wondering what had become of you. Snipes .said he know d you must be sick, but I told Swipes you had so many cares we women folks have so many cares, Mrs. Longbow. And who do you think is here? Mrs. Bird, and Mrs. Beagle, and Aunt Sonora and we were jest a-talkin bout you and we all wonder d how you did manage to get along so well in your family ;" and after Mrs. Swipes had chatted and bowed Mrs. Longbow through the hall, Mrs. Longbow was introduced to the nest of hornets which had just been buzzing so uncon sciously about her ears. " Why Mrs. Longbow !" cracked Mrs. Bird s voice at the same time, jumping from her chair with a convulsive jerk, and grasping her hand, and imprinting a kiss upon -her. " You have done it now you have come out at last. Goin* to call at our house, I s pose. Let me see it s one, 25 G PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. two yes three weeks since you ve show d your face, Mrs Longbow lookin as bright as a spring mornin , I see." " All-er that," said Mrs. Beagle. "But then you have had so much to do," continued Mrs Bird, " the Squire s house had got inter an awful muss, while he was a wid vver. Lavinny didn t know how to do but the people say that it shines like a pink now and how you have spruc d up the children I didn t hardly know Elvina Julia last Sunday. I thought her mother had come back agin." " She looked so happy !" exclaimed Mrs. Beagle. " And the old Squire begins to hold up his head agin , like somebody," added Aunt Sonora. " Nothin like a woman in a house" chimed in Mrs. Svvipas. " Nothin like it," said Aunt Sonora. " Everything goes to loose ends where there ain t no woman," said Mrs. Bird.* " Just look at old Fluett s house," said Aunt Sonora, " tis chaos come agin woman gone everything spilt from garret to cellar." " And jest so at Dobbins," added Mrs. Bird. " I do raaly b lieve," said Mrs. Beagle, " that if Longbow had put off getting him a woman six months longer, he d a brok t down." " Jest what the old man himself said," added Mrs. Bird. And then to think," drawled out Mrs. Swipes, " that he should have been so fort nit." " Might er tried a hundred times," said Mrs. Bird. " And got bit," said Mrs. Swipes. " Yes, and got bit," repeated Mrs. Bird. " There was a kind-er Providence in it. There certainly was.* FINAL WIND UP. 25*? " Just what Parson Bigelow said," added Aunt Sonora ; " he said he could see the hand-er Providence inter it, jest as plain as he wanted to." " Strange world," said Mrs. Beagle. " Full-er sorrow," said Mrs. Bird. " Never know when it s coming," added Aunt Sonora. " The only way s to be ready for t, and do our duty," said Mrs. Swipes. Thus the conversation ran on. Mrs. Longbow supposed herself looked upon as a martyr by the crowd of " friends " among whom she had unconsciously fallen, and felt almost crushed by the weight of sympathy which they had so gra tuitously thrust upon her, and finishing her call, returned to her domestic labors with a lighter heart, and a satisfied con science, while those she left behind her, on her departure^ took the advantage of her absence to completely finish up the remainder of the woman s reputation. 258 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XXII. Appeal of Case Filkins vs. Beadle Turtle s Affidavit and " Pints " Longbow s Return County Court Turtle opens his Law " Pints " Bates replies A Fight Collateral Ish-ers Squire Longbow Present The Court sustains Squire Longbow Turtle gets into a Passion Impannelling the Jury Mr. Buzzlebaum leaves Mr. Tumbleton upsets Ike MrPFlummer is cut short bob off Ike opens to the Jury The Trial Charge of the Court Jury retire Can t Agree. AMONG the causes that were found in the county court for trial, was the appeal of Filkins against Beadle. Turtle Lad carried it up. He had informed the court and the jury, when he argued the causa below, that he would carry it up if he didn t get a verdict, and he was as good as his word. Turtle was a long-winded attorney, and what he lacked in brains, he made up in bottom. He could worry out any opponent in Puddleford, and drive the man against whom he had no case, into a settlement, or starve him out. Turtle often said that " a man s peace was worth something, and he who wouldn t buy his peace, orter sweat. La was la , and if a man didn t want to pay for it, he ought to keep out of it." It was necessary at the time we speak of, for any party who desired an appeal, to make out an affidavit, stating the errors below. Mr. Turtle was a host on an affidavit. He could raise and swear to more u pints " than any man in Puddleford. Turtle s affidavit was a curiosity. It covered all the " pints," as he called them " all the * ish-ers of law and the ( w^-ers of fact." TURTLE S AFFIDAVITS AND "PINTS." 259 According to this document, he set up error iu the judg ment below : 1st. " Cause the jtistis had counselled with the defendant, and had sworn to go for her anyhow. 2d. " Cause the justis allowed Sile Bates, one of the jurymen, to leave the jury, and pettifog for Charity Beadle. 3d. " Cause there wern t but five jurymen, to try the cause, and there had orter been six. 4th. " Cause counsel hadn t inor n half got through arguing the case to the jury, when the justis shut them off, and forcibly sent out the jury to deliberate on their verdict. 5th. " Cause the justis err d in everything from the beginnin to the end of the cause. 6th. " Cause he low d Charity Beadle s set-off, which was agin all kind er law, and never heer d on in the books. 7th. " Cause the justis drank liquor while he was tryin the cause. 8th. " Cause the justifc got inter a passion while he was try in the cause. 9th. " Cause the jury got drunk while they were tryin the cause. 10th. " Cause liquor was sold clas by the court room all the time they were tryin the cause. llth. " Cause one of the jurymen warn t fit to sarve he being no voter or if was, he never had voted. 12th. " Cause, as .he understood, the jury floppM a cop per to see who should win the cause. 13th. "And, finally, the verdict wern t no verdict, cause the jury didn t agree." Here were " pints " enough to overthrow the most righteous cause in the world. This affidavit was filed before Squire Longbow, within the time prescribed by statute, as appeared by the return of the magistrate to the county court, and the 260 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. return itself of Squire Longbow was also spread out as large as life on the files of the same. If there was anything that Squire Longbow did pride him self upon, it was his returns to county court He had often said, " that he would like to see the man who could pick a flaw in one of his papers." He said " that none of his deci sions had ever been squashed by the upper courts. He knew what la was, and when a man knew the law, he would allers be sustained." I do not know as it is worth while to give the full return of the Squire to the threatening array of legal objections found in Turtle s affidavit. He argued every one them, as if his very existence, both as a man and a magistrate, depended on the result. In substance, he returned to the first point : " That of course he counselled some with both of the par ties. He didn t want folks quarrelling bout nothin a- spendin their time and their money and how could he know anything about the case, if the parties didn t tell him. He was a sworn officer, bound to do his duty, or throw up if he should ish-er papers for everybody that axed him to, without lookin into the case, he wouldn t do nothin but try causes. His time was -worth sumthin , as well as other folkses. It was his business to see that every plaintiff had a case, and that every defendant had a defence. Turtle coun- sell d with him first, and he tho t Turtle had a case but he lied to him, or was greatly mistaken, at anyrate Miss Bea dle counseled next, and he then saw it was all up with Tur tle, but it was too late to stop proceedings, for the summons had gone out, and couldn t be stopp d, if it could-er been, he d stopp d it." To the second point, the Squire returned : " That he did low Sile Bates to leave the jury, and pear as counsel for Charity Beadle that that was a constitutional TURTLE OPENS HIS PINTS. 261 right right-er counsel in all crim nal cases, thank the Lord, was presarv d yet and the case was a crim nal case, or a kind-er crim nal case twarn t for debt, and must be crim nal. He couldn t choose counsel for anybody thank the Lord that was a personal right Charity Beadle had the right to choose her own counsel it warn t none of his business who she took how could any one take her counsel away from her by putting him onter a jury that would destroy the constitution itself. If the court would jist look inter Story on the constitution, he d see how that was, and if he ever did make a righteous decision, that was a righteous decision. The woman sav d her case by it for if she hadn t had any counsel, the greatest- injustice would-er come on t maybe the jury would-er greed and she nobody knows where she would-er been now." To the third point he returned : " Cause there wern t but five jurymen, it is said. Well, there warn t. What of itj Five were jist as good in this case as six ; cause if five couldn t agree, how could six ?" To the fourth point, as follows : " He did choke off counsel while they were argering the cause to the jury, and swore the officer and sent out the jury to deliberate. He d do it agin , under like circum stances. They vi lated the dignity of the court there wern t no order nor nothin everything went on hurly-burly -there was more racket than if there was a town-meetin . One thing there had got-ter-be, and that was order in his court he might-er sent them all to jail for contempt but he wanted to be mild with em he didn t allers think it best to go to the length of the la two counsel talkin to the jurv at onct, was agin all la it was a great contempt of court they d orter been fin d ten dollars apiece but he didn t warn-ter fine em he took a shorter course he acted 262 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. in Ins discretion and he had a discretion in sich cases any other court would-er done as he did, or worse, maybe. So long as he was magistrate he meant to be magistrate and his court was a court and that thing people had gcvt-ter find out, sooner or later." To the fifth point, as follows : " He d jist submit that to the higher court." To the sixth point, as follows : " He did let in the set-off of Charity Beadle, and he did it, arter examining all the thorities on that pint. He consulted Squire Brown, too, who did business down inter the State of New York, as justis , more n ten years, and who had a great many jist sich cases afore him. The Squire said it was la there, and had bin ever sin he was a boy and York la was good la anywhere. Story was dead for lowing sich kind-er set-offs, and his works were all in favor on t and it would be a likely pint for anybody to set up that sich a set-off couldn t be allow d. Filkins sues for so much money for so many slanders now, then, he would jist like to know if five slanders are worth ten dollars to Aer, if five slanders wouldn t be worth ten dollars to Charity Beadle and if one ten dollars ain t jist as good as another ten dollars he would like to know if one don t suffer jist as much as t other and if one hadn t orter be paid jist as much as t other if you go lyin round bout me, you ve got to pay, but if I go lyin round bout you, I hain t got-ter pay he d like to know what justis there was in all that he didn t b lieve Turtle thought so himself, but he was allers tryin to bull-rag the court and he warn t goin to be bull-ragg d by him nor nobody else." To the seventh point, as follows : " He didn t know whether Mr. Turtle meant to be personal or not. He didn t know whether he meant to say, right out, that he was drunk, or not. If he did, he was a liar. TURTLE S "PINTS." 263 He had no right to slander him onter the public records of the higher courts, in that sort-er way. What if he did drink ? he had a right to drink that was his business when anybody can say that Squire Longbow is unfit for busi ness from licker, then there s time nough to blow out at him, and not afore he shouldn t notice that pint any furder." To the eighth point, as follows 17 " Got inter a passion ? He did rise in his wrath onct or twict, to presarve the order of the court. He warn t goin to sit and be trampled on. He was de-tar-min d that justis should take its course, if he had to fight to do it. He couldn t keep Turtle down any other way he d used up all the fines in the staterts agin him, and that wouldn t do he tore on worse than ever and he d jist say here, it was high time the fines were increas d. He informed the court that Turtle said, he hadn t but one eye, and that he couldn t see but a little ways that he hadn t as many brains as an ister that his head was full-er cobwebs or bumble-bees, he didn t know which that his judgment warn t good on a common- note-er-hand that he warn t up to the school-marm, for she could read and that he did get inter a passion, that the court should have been so trampled upon for he would pre sarve the dignity of his court so long.as he was magistrate a great deal depended upon order in court and when every thing was agoin topsy-turvy, there warn t no justis he should allers use jist as much force as was necessary to pre serve order and get into a passion, too, if he wanted to." To the ninth point as follows : " He didn t know whether the jury were drunk or not that was their biz-ness, not his n they could answer for themselves on that pint ; and if Mr. Turtle wanted to know how that was, he d better ax em ; he warn t a-going to ne never took away any of the priv leges of the jury they 264 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. were sacred things to him when he tried cases, he did as he was a mind-ter, and the jury did as they were a mind-ter if they wanted to drink, he wouldn t interfere twas out of his jurisdiction he never did dabble with a jury, nor he never would but he would say that the jury peared very well, listened to all the evidence as men should stayed out long nough to consider on the evidence, and gin in a ver dict, he verily believed, cordin to their oath." To the tenth point as follows : " Licker might-er bin sold clus to the court-room but it warn t sold in the court-room that he d never low d since he was a justice every man who drank, went inter the bar- room, and thar was a strong pe-tition and a clus door atween the two rooms he wouldn t-er low d a drop in the court room he had allers bin very keer-ful bout that they did drink onct or twict, but it was in the bar-room the trial was very long and very troublesome and the jury got dry but they drank every time in the 6ar-room, and not in the court room and he was keer-i\\\ every time they did drink, to journ the court, to save all questions and he would say chat Turtle drank as often as any body and onct, certainly, be moved to journ the court for to drink, and nothin else and now he goes up to the higher court, and makes a fuss bout it the staterts said there should be no liker sold in the room where the court is held not out of it, nor in the next room and he d allers bin a la biding man, and allers meant to be. To the eleventh point as follows : u He didn t know whether the juryman was a voter or not twas none of his bizness best known to himself if he set, knowin he warn t a juryman, he orter to be proceeded agin by the next grand jury." To the twelfth point, as follows : TURTLE S " PINTS." 205 How in airth did he know anything bout flopping coppers he warn t thar he vvarn t a juryman he was the court they imght-er flopped for all he knew but he had seen Mr. Swipes, who was one of the men who set, and he says there warn t a copper flopped." To the thirteenth point as follows : " There was a verdict, and it was recorded on his docket it was * that the jury couldn t agree, one of em standin out cause he was afeared or wanted to be pop lar with some body, and that was jist as it was gin in." Squire Longbow had returned much more matter to the court than he was required to do by his affidavit, which has not been stated mere speculations of his own about the law and facts of the case as they appeared before him, all of which he said the court " orter know." The judge of the county court was an enlarged edition of Longbow himself enlarged, because his jurisdiction was greater. He was one of the foremost men of the county, because he was one of the most independent. He owned a great deal of land, and a great deal of stock bought and sold much and had acquired a practical knowledge of the way things were done in a new country. He had been school inspector, highway commissioner, supervisor, and member of the legislature, and he was now judge. He did not know any law, except what Bates, Turtle, and other kin dred pettifoggers had taught him and when he shot at a case, he shot in the dark. He was right half of the time upon the result of chances, and that, perhaps, was doing as well as half the judges do, who pretend to more knowledge in the profession. He was a stumpy, red-headed man, and very " percussion " in his decisions gave very short or no reasons for them and like Longbow, didn t know a technicality from a sign post. 266 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. The law-points in the appeal were first to be argued if Turtle failed on them, he was then entitled to a trial on the facts. Turtle argued his law-points in a pile. He flung the whole return at the judge in gross, playing first upon this string, and then upon that, abusing every body connected with the cause but his own witnesses and himself, until he blew himself almost entirely out of breath. He began by flattering the court. "It was sunthin," he said, " to have a county court to peal up to if twarn t for that he d stop business Squire Longbow had got so, that la warn t la any more with him. When he first came inter the settlement, he was a pretty good justis but he was as woolly as a sheep now. If he got a crotchet inter his head you couldn t beat it out he was worse now than he was afore he got married the second time. The cause below was killed by him he was torney, and justice, and jury he had greed to go for defendant from the start had knock d the jury inter fits by takin Sile Bates off on t agin la had let folks in to swear that hadn t lived in the State six months, and nobody know d whether they were to be believed or not, but the presumption of la was agin em that he cuss d him for it, but that didn t do any good that the Squire drank himself, and let the jury get drunk, shocking as the fact might be and yet he warn t a drunken man rather a sober man but it was done by him to fuddle the jury, and spile his cause that he let in the &\might-\-es>t set- off he ever did hear on the very thought on t was nough to give this court spasms and this court orter for that, if for rothin else, point a guav-dine over him that he told him when he did it, that he d foller the case to the back side of sun-down, and blow him inter flinders, but he didn t seem to care bout it that the jury did flop on the BATES REPLIES. 267 verdict, and the justis knew it, and his return warn t worth shucks on that pint" and so on for an hour or more, until he became exhausted. Sile Bates rose and said, "that cordin to the return of the justice, Turtle s speech was a lie / Mr. Turtle hurled an inkstand and contents at Bates head, which besmeared him from head to foot. Mr. Bates hurled another back at him, which emptied its contents upon Mr. Turtle. The court called them both to order, reminding them that things were going too far. Mr. Bates declared " it was a lie !" Mr. Turtle said " he should boot him if the word was repeated." Mr. Bates repeated the word, and was booted through the court-house door. Difficulties being settled, counsel appeared in court very amiable, covered with ink, ready to proceed. Mr. Turtle attempted to pologize to the court u he had no pology for Bates. The court remarked that " it wasn t necessary the doc trine of set-off would apply. Mr. Bates said he had no speech to make the court knew the justice who made the return if it believed him, then Turtle might as well cave." During this uproar Philista Filkins with her friends, and Charity Beadle with her friends, each troop ranged round their counsel, were looking upon this war of words with the most intense anxiety. Miss Filkins had attired herself for the occasion in a mussy crape dress, a pinched up hat, and a black shawl, being, as she said, in affliction. She declared that Miss Beagle tried to " spile " her character, and she felt it, for that when that was gone, one might as well give up, 268 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. and die. She carried a deep-set grievance in her face, a fixed anguish, which occasionally broke up into a snuffle. She was sustained, however, as has been seen, in her trials, by a few benevolent Puddleford ladies, who had most- magnanimously followed her and her case, reckless of time and, money, and who said, " they meant to see the end on t, cost what it might." Miss Beadle and her friends were a very different looking tempered body. They were charged to the brim with acid and red pepper. They looked and felt lightning, and any one could see at a glance, that they meant to fight as long as there was a hair of their friend left. It was generally under stood that they had agreed to " throw in around " and help Miss Charity out, and her case had now, of course, become their case, and Bates was as much their lawyer as Miss Beadle s lawyer and Turtle when he got " rampti- ous." was jest as " sassy " to them, as he was to the Court, or Miss Beadle, they said " and if they were not greatly mistaken, he d see the day, that he d repent on t." The women who composed these two hostile factions, got into several side-fights between themselves, what Ike cail d " collateral ish-ers " and twitted each other of a dozen or more dead and buried slanders, which had for a long time been forgotten. Mrs. Bird gave Aunt Sonora a regular " runnin over," as she cail d it u a piece of her mind, that would last her as long as she liv d," She told Aunt Sonora, who was one of Miss Filkins s body-guard, that "she was a pretty old woman, to come up thar, and try to screen that Filkins critter she d better stick up for her she was a nice old woman a handsum old woman a beuu-tiful old woman she d better be home a-takin care on her children she d better be a-mendin her husband s old breeches it would look a great deal better. What if Filkins had lied as much SQUIRE LONGBOW PRESENT. 2G9 about her, or her old man, she d ask her that. Guess d she d make the fur fly some guess d she wouldn t-er stood it no longer than other folks guess d she couldn t get along without a character better n other people guess d she hadn t got any too much to brag on, any how, if reports were true s pose she should rake up all she d heer d about her, and go tellin it round arter every body, where would she be. Bah! how I hate sich folks," she continued, put ting on one of her most contemptible faces, and spitting like a mad cat, at Aunt Sonora. Aunt Sonora was a philosopher, on such occasions. She knew the storm would soon blow over, and that Mrs. Bird would be " round," to take tea with her, in less than a week so she took a quiet pinch of snuff, and told Mrs. Bird in reply, that " she d call onto the court , if she cut anymore of her antics round her she ought-er recollect she was in the high court, and they didn t low any flabbergastin in sich places she d be in jail quicker n scart first thing she know d, and her hull pack with her, if they didn t keep mighty mum. She wasn t in Puddleford now, she d find, if she let her mouth spit bile at that rate." Mrs. Bird, sobered down. Squire Longbow, was also present, to see the end of this famous suit. The Squire usually followed his cases into the county court, "to look arter em," as he said, "and to explain things." He was dressed in his best suit of home spun, and also had on his most dignified air. He did not even wince during the scathing Turtle gave him, and his return, feeling perfectly sure that he couldn t be hurt bv any country turney in the upper courts. He " ray-ther thought he was known thar." The county judge, in a very summary and careless manner, decided, "the pints Mr. Turtle had raised, warn t good, they were all agin the return of the justis and he must pay respect to the lower courts." 270 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. (Here Squire Longbow drew his pocket-handkerchief and blew his nose like a trumpet, to call the attention of the bystanders to the decision.) He would repeat this was for the benefit of the Squire, evidently " they were all agin the return of the justis who was an old magistrate, and had did a great deal of busi ness." (Here the Squire bowed his head by way of assent, to the court.) The court orter say further, " that Mr. Turtle s affidavit was sworn to, and how he could have sworn to such an affi davit, right agin the return of the justis , was mor n he know d perhaps, Mr. Turtle knovv d himself, and could inform the court." Mr. Turtle said that was his business. Mr. Turtle spoke very short, for he was greatly nettled. The court said, " it didn t make any difference it warn t neither here nor thar the pints were all squashed, and that was his decision costs to go agin Turtle." "Agin Turtle," exclaimed Ike, rising, " costs agin Turtle!" "Agin Turtle s client" said the court, correcting himself. " That sounds a leetle more like a court of justis " added Ike, " but it was a bull-head decision, he would say that, if he rotted in jail for contempt, that is, if any body could com mit contempt agin such a bass-wood-headed court, as this had got-ter be !" A jury was now about to be irapannelled to try the cas between Filkins and Beadle, a second time, and this was nc small matter. The whole county had heard of this remarka ble suit, and had talked about it, and each peron had allied himself or herself to the parties. A very small matter will throw a new country into a tempest of excitement, as a very few matters of importance exist to get excitei about. When the pannel was rilled, and the clerk had announced PANNELING THE JURY. 271 that fact to the court, Ike saw, or thought he saw, some of the most violent Beadle men in the county, among the num ber. He had only two peremptory challenges, and if he could not remove some of them for " cause" as the books say, " he was gone up," as he thought to himself. Mr. Buzzlebaum, a hickory-headed farmer, wiflii short hair, which stuck up all over his head like a porcupine s quills, was a very dangerous man. Ike knew he was a bachelor, and he had been strongly suspected of " paying some attention " to Miss Beadle, so Ike put a few questions to Mr. Buzzlebaum. Mr. Buzzlebaum, exclaimed Ike, "you a juryman in this case ?" Mr. Buzzlebaum said he was. " Y e s," drawled Ike, " so I see", as if he had got on the pannel fradulently, some way. " Know Miss Beadle ?" " Yes !" " You do know the oinan then ?" " Yes !" " Sot up at her house, any ?" " Sot up !" " Yes " sot up ! " don t you know what that is by this time at you re time-er life, Mr. Buzzlebaum ?" " Well ! what of it ?" asked Buzzlebaum. " What of it !" Je-ru-sa-lem !" exclaimed Ike, slapping a book on the table, and looking fury at the court. " The man says what of it? sittin up with the defendant nights a-courtin her, and then wants to know what of it ? Wouldn t he be a pretty man to try this case ?" " Sot up where ?"" inquired Buzzlebaum ? "How do / know where!" ever talk of marryin* the oman hey ?" " Wai /" heaved Buzzlebaum. 272 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. " No wals here you re sworn now out with it Didn t you tell old Soper, if she warn t so old and rusty-like, you d strike, hit or miss ? What, sir ?" " Wai !" groaned Buzzlebaum again. " Guilty as a dog won t answer is a-goin -ter die game, right-inter t|je face of the court," exclaimed Ike. Mr. Buzzlebaum began to scratch his head, and jist get an idea of what " sot up n meant, and declared, " he d never sot up with Miss Beadle, nor nobody else, but he warn t goin to answer any more questions ;" and asking another juryman for his hat, which stood among a huddle of hats outside the jury-box, " leaned " for the door, amid the cries of the court, clerk, Bates, &c., of " hold on," " don t go," "stop him," u bring him back, sheriff," <fec. But Buzzlebaum didn t return. The next juryman who Ike thought was " cfarzy-rous," was Mr. Tumbleton. " Mr. Tumbleton," exclaimed Ike, " form d or spressed any pinion on this case ?" "No, sir r " Hain t form d nor spressed any P "No, sir!" " Hain t said that you hoped the old maid would come out hunk ?" " No, sir !" " Hain t said that Turtle was a jackass for pushing on this ere suit ?" " No, sir !" " Hain t thought he was ?" "Sir?" " Pretty clus questions," said Mr. Tumbleton, balancing OD one leg, and looking thoughtfully up at the ceiling. " Now don t you think and haven t you said that Turtle A FIGHT. 73 was a jackass for pushing on this suit ?" inquired Ike, rising from his chair. " No, sir ! haven t said any such thing." " Don t you think he is, is the question, Mr. Tumbleton ?" "Think you are a jackass!" repeated the juror. " Yes, sir !" "Very likely I do." Mr. Turtle submitted to the court, if that warn t nough to Dreak him from sittin. Mr. Bates said, " the man show d his good sense best juryman on the whole pannel." The court thought the juryman was entitled to his own opinion, it was not pos-i-tive proof that Turtle was a jackass cause the juryman might have thought so ; shouldn t drive him out the box for that. "Ever been in State-prison ?" continued Turtle, resuming the examination. " S i r !" ejaculated Mr. Tumbleton, moving towards Ike, with his arm raised. " Or, in the county jail," added Ike, almost in time, and cocking his eye saucily at Mr. Tumbleton. Mr. Tumbleton rushed upon Ike, and upset him, before Ike knew that he really was in danger. Mr. Turtle rose in a very unruffled manner for him, and asked the court " if sich a contempt as that was to go unno ticed a reg lar admitted turney assaulted right inter the face of the court he moved that Mr. Tumbleton be con fined in the log jail, for twenty-four hours out of respect to his honor the court." The judge ordered Mr. Tumbleton to be confined, and thus the second juror was disposed of. " You live up on Poverty Common ? don t you," continued Ike, as if nothing had happened, addressing himself to a 12* 274 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. runt of a man, who looked as if he had been on short-feed, and who had strayed on the jury, no one knew how. " Yes ! I c?o," answered the man. " Your name is Flummer?" * Flum what?" inquired the juror. "Flum-mer," answered Ike, tartly. " Well, whose business is that, if it is ?" " Mine," said Ike, " wasn t old Zeb Flummer your grand father ?" " Old Zeb ? yes." "Didn t old Zeb Flummer marry old Sally Beadle?" " That s what they say." "And wasn t old Sally Beadle, Charity Beadle s grand mother ? <; S pose so," said Flummer." " Well, sir, you can just step out," said Turtle, " the statert cuts you short-bob-off, no blood relatives sit here." And the court seemed to assent, and Flummer left nine jury men remaining in the box. Bates " knocked off," three more for " causes," leaving six, and by this time the first day was about exhausted. Tales men were picked up from the by-standers to supply the places of the " missing," and the court adjourned. On the next day, Ike opened the cause in his best style. He gave a biography of Phiiista Filkins, and dwelt upon her ups and downs in this mortal life. " He did s pose, that if there ever was a woman that had grief and stood it, too, twas his client, and she wasn t nothin but a woman, nuther. She like d to gone off with the measles, when she was a child, and had been punny-like ever since ; her father was kill d by an oak tree fore she could do anything for herself, down on the Catta-ra-gus, leaving a pile of young-uns, he didn t know how many. Her father warn t rich, but that THE TRIAL. 275 warn t neither here nor thar ; he was honest, and paid up his debts afore he died, to the last cent ; he was a man that struggled a good deal for a livin , but he got it ; allers kept a stiff upper lip, as tho the skies were bright and the sailin good. Arter he died, they were a most distressed family. His client about the year about the year [Ike stopped and scratched his head] about the year [he had forgot ten when, and turning, exclaimed to Aunt Sonora,] When in thunder was it that Miss Filkins came inter the settle ment ?" " Wai, now, let me think," answered Aunt Sonora, " Brumijim s youngest boy died died when did he die ? but no matter but when we bought our brindle cow we got her of old lame Gosander, and I recollect jist as well as if it was yesterday, that when my boy Jim was drivin off that ere cow from Gosander s one warm spring mornin that he tell d me, arter he got home, that he met some strang-ers on the road and I axed him who they were ? And Jim said " " When in thunder was it ?" ejaculated Ike again, who hung suspended in the middle of his speech, while the old lady was fogging away over the history of the past. " I was jist agoin to tell you ! You need n t get so fluster d bout it," answered Aunt Sonora " where was I oh ! yes, Jim said when I axed him that he didn t know who they were guess d it was sumbody that was movin in to settle he tell d me that the woman had on an old legun bunnit and artervvards I found out that that very woman was Phil- ista Filkins. Now you ve got it," concluded Aunt Sonora. As Ike was no wiser than he was before, and he could not wait to investigate the point any further ; he proceeded : " At any rate, his client came inter Puddleford, and had been one of the fust mong em ever sin . !> warn t goin to repeat 270 PCDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. what he said afore the court below, now, he would wait til he summ d up. He warn t goin to say nothin bout the un spotted character of his client ; he warn t goin to say nothin bout the defendant outlier. He warn t a-goin to say how she would lie, nor how she went around a-backbitin every body she could get a dab at ; there were twenty persons within the sound of his voice, that know d that ; that know d the woman like a book." " Yes-sir-ee," exclaimed a voice from the crowd, being one of Filkin s supporters. "Silence !" roared the court. " You hear that, don t you, gentlewew ? they know her like a book." ki No ! he warn t goin to say anything bout the defendant now. He might say enough bout her to blow her sky-high ; perhaps she wouldn t steal, he didn t think she would, but folks who do lie, will steal ; but she hadn t stole nothin yet^ as he know d on, he warn t goin to say so tany rate," and thus Ike rambled on for more than an hour before the jury, in the opening of his cause, touching upon almost every thing connected with the rise of Puddleford, and closed, by saying, "That they only claimed ten dollars damages; but twern t the money they were arter ; twas the great principle ; his client scorned money as pay for her character ; she d never touch a cent on t, so long as her name was Filkins and he might as well say that he, as her counsel, had vised her to give every jot on t to some religws institution, or to orphin children, and she d do it too catch her takin that money." Bates occupied about as much time as Turtle did in open ing for the defence ; the law permitting both counsel to open together, if they chose to do so ; and he finished his speech by reading Squire Longbow s return to the jury, which he said was more full than anything he could say, CHARGE OF THE COURT. 277 The trial went forward. But I shall not attempt to detail the vicissitudes which accompanied it for two days. Every question and every answer was objected to, and entered by the court formally on the record. The lie was given backward and forward a dozen times or more ; the court had often been obliged to interfere through the sheriff all the witnesses on the part of the plaintiff were impeached by the defendant s witnesses who swore their reputation for truth and veracity was bad, and that they would not believe them under oath ; all the witnesses on the part of the defendant were also impeached for the same reason. Of course the reputation of the witnesses had been utterly destroyed before the trial came on, and long before, by each backbiting the other ; and when the trial closed, and the arguments were ended, the case, if it could have been painted, would have looked very much like a militia training, without beginning, middle, or end, form or substance, and the jury were about as wise as if they just awoke from a hard night-mare. The court charged the jury and such a charge was never " fired off " by any man outside of a new country. Some hundred " pints of la ," had been handed up by Turtle and Bates, which they said must be noticed but Turtle s law and Bates law, were in conflict but each one declared that his law was the law and they were, they said, ready, if necessary, to swear to it before any tribunal. The judge went off with his charge upon the same princi ple that a inan fires an old musket into a tree, where he sup poses a bird is concealed. Some of the shot must hit, and the rest won t do any harm, anyhow. He told the jury that he had got somethin to say now he was the judge of the court, and the jury must pay special attention to what he had to offer. Turney s were paid for their talk, and the jury could believe em jest so far as they were a mmd-ter and no furder the law come from him if 278 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. he made a mistake in the law, it was none of the jury s busi ness, that would be straightened out somewhere else, by some-body else. He would proceed now. The action was trespass. " Not by a long shot !" said Turtle, rising. " Or," continued the judge, " a-kinder trespass it was one woman a-tryin to carry away another woman s character. Now, gentlemen, there has been a great deal of evidence in this case, and it don t all mount to much nuther " " Cept to that part of the charge," exclaimed Ike, " Don t mount to much nuther." " That is," continued the judge, there ain t much on t to the pint and when evidence ain t to the pint, the court will knock it outer the case, if a row of ceptions is filed as long as the moral law. Now take the impeaching testimony what does that all amount to ? why just this : Filkin s witnesses don t believe Beadle s witnesses, and so they swear Beadle s witnesses don t believe Filkin s witnesses, and so they swear and so the witnesses on one side are just as good as the witnesses on t other side, and you must believe them all, just as fur, gentlemen of the jury, as if none of em had been impeached, and the court tells you so any objec tion to that, Mr. Turtle?" Turtle said nothing. " No objection to that then. Now then, gentlemen, the defendant below set off slanderous words agin slanderous words she had used agin the plaintiff, and I let it in agin here, and Mr. Turtle objected. Gentlemen of the jury, Mr. Turtle would object, of course he is torney for plaintiff, but I tell you the set off is law, and I agree with Squire Longbow, who let it in. It was right." Squire Longbow drew his handkerchief and blew a heavy blast out of his nose at this compliment. " Now, then, gentlemen, slander is slander you all know THE JURY RETIRE. 27P what slander is as I said before, it is slander it ain t refusing to pay one s debts it ain t zactly takin one s property though character is a. kinder property it ain t stealing- but but it is slander if you lie bout me tis slander if I lie bout you, tis slander if anybody lies bout anybody, tis slander it don t matter what anybody says bout anybody, if tis a lie, tis slander. You can now see, gentlemen of the jury, what slander is how the law looks at slander how it is laid down in the books This action is for slander and if I should examine all the books, and go inter the hull subject fully, you would not know any more bout slander, gentlemen, than you know bout slander now r^ny objection to that, Mr. Turtle ?" No objection was raised. "Now, then," continued the court, "you re to look the evidence all over, and if you b lieve the plaintiff has slandered the defendant I say, if you b lieve it the court has its own notions on that subject too but taint for the court to say I say if you b lieve, gentlemen, the plaintiff has slander d the defendant if you b lieve it upon your oaths you re under oath, gentlemen you should never forget you re under oath, gentlemen very solemn duty, gentlemen, you ve got-to perform I say if after looking all the testimony all over, you b lieve it on your oaths why, then, gentlemen, the court tells you, gentlemen, that you must render a verdict for the plaintiff, gentlemen, you must. But if, gentlemen and here comes the pint the great pint for you to consider, gentlemen, under oath if you b lieve the defendant has not slandered the plaintiff, gentlemen it s a hard charge, slander is, gentlemen if you b lieve the defendant has not slandered the plaintiff, why, then render the verdict for the defendant. Mr. Clerk, swear an officer to take charge of this jury." The jury retired and deliberated one day and one night 280 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. but could not agree. They returned into court, and were again charged on some law points, about which they Differed, they said they retired again, and after quarrelling another half a day, came into court once more and declared they differed this time about the evidence. The court set them right upon the particular disputed point of testimony, as he understood it when they appeared a third time, and the fore man announced that they could not agree any way, and they wouldn t go out again for the court, or anybody else and thus forever was ended the famous trial between Filkins and Beadle. AMUSEMENTS IN PUDDLEFORD. 281 CHAPTER XXIIL Amusements in Puddleford The Highland Fling A Fire-eater comes next Runs a Sword down his Throat Starts his Ribbon Factory Borrows Squire Longbow s Hat Boils Eggs in it The Squire get s into a passion The Grand Caravan is posted Squire Longbow lectures on the Lion Bigelow Tan Slyck follows on the Ichneumon The Caravan arrives Great Excitement Jim Buzzard still himself Aunt Sonora in trouble The Band blows away The Canvas is raised Terrible press of Puddleford- ians The Keeper shows up the Lion Explains why he has no hair The Ichneumon is found at last The Monkey Ride Break ing up. THE amusements of a new country are on a scale -with everything else. As every people are set to some scale, from the most refined and luxurious, to the most rustic and simple, that scale is always preserved in whatever may exist. Pud dleford was not without its public amusements. It was not beyond the reach of strolling vagabonds, and impudent mountebanks. These troops, like light, penetrate every quarter of the globe, and, of course, visited Puddleford. One of the first exhibitions which wormed its way among the Puddlefordians was made up of a drunken Irishman and a vixen of a woman, a cracked fiddle and a greasy fife, all of whom flhd which performed the " Highland fling " with variations and other tunes as the man declared (there were no bills), in full costume. The Highlander was drunk, and the woman was out of temper, the fiddle was crazy, and the fife could scarcely squeak. The performance opened with 282 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. the "Highland fling," was succeeded by the "Highland fling," continued by the " Highland fling," and closed by a grand display of the " Highland fling." This exhibition being the first that ever found its way into the settlement, every body was delighted. Aunt Sonora said, " she didn t b lieve there war any such Highlanders nor any such flings nuther but the music was very purty, say what they would." After the Irishman and woman departed, and their memory had nearly faded out, a " fire eater " came on, and positively turned Puddleford nearly topsy turvy. He was certainly a most ferocious character. He boiled eggs in a hat hatched chickens ate tow, and pulled out ribbons from his mouth swallowed swords, point foremost burnt all the handkerchiefs in the room, and restored them to their owners again and did divers more astonishing things, which completely upset the brains of the Puddlefordians, and they began to think before he finished, that he was fresh from the infernal regions, and had been sent on by Satan himself. There had never been such a crowd collected at Puddle- ford for any purpose as assembled to see the wonderful per formance of this fire-eater. Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Longbow, Mrs. Beagle, Mrs. Swipes, Aunt Sonora, and a few more of the female aristocracy of Puddleford, occupied the front seats, which were covered with green baize, as a mark of respect and distinction. The background was composed of a very miscellaneous sort of people Jim Buzzard being in the extreme rear, perched upon a barrel. It was exceedingly fearful to hear the screams of the women, when the performer had a sword half down his throat. " What is the man a goin -ter to do !" exclaimed Mrs. Bird. STARTS HIS RIBBON ^FACTORY. 283 " Oh, murder ! muwfer/" screamed Aunt Sonora, jump ing from her seat. "Oh, twitch it out quick he s cAo-kin !" gasped Mrs. Swipes. " See him ! see him !" exclaimed a dozen voices at once. " Stop him !" " Run !" " Tis goin right straight inter liis throat." " He s dyin ! How his eye balls glare !" " Squire Longbow! Squire Longbow ! run run you re a peace officer Don t see him die." " There ! oh dear me tis gone down it s outer sight he s swaller d it now? " He s got it inter him, mor n three feet long." " How it must cut !" u There there !" " I see it he s pullin it up agin." " I can jest see the tip eend of the handle but there ain t no blood on t." " How can he get it out ?" " Well, if it ain t a comin right out, I wouldn t say so, han dle and all i" " Oh ! dear me whoever heerd of a man swallerin a sword afore ! ; " How his inards must feel 1" and so on, keeping the house in a tempest of noise and alarm. When the performer, however, began to make ready to run his " ribbon factory," as he called it, the women reco vered their fright, and were in high glee, particularly during the preliminary remarks, and during the tow-stuffing exer cises. He was, beyond all question, a very funny man, and said a host of very funny things. He threw himself into many strange shapes, twisted his face out of form looked gay and looked solemn, by turns, and kept the house in a continual burst of merriment. Mrs. Bird declared " she should die a lafirf." Aunt Sonora said " it did seem as if her sides would split right open." Mrs. Swipes said "she know d that it did beat all he was the oddest critter that ever coin d into the settlement." 284 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Ike Turtle said " he was sum if not more." Bates declared " he must stay over another night." Squire Longbow said but little. He sat and shook his sides. " It was as good as anything he ever see d down on ter the Susquehannas. He was so glad the man had come so far jist to amuse em a little." But when the man began deliberately to light up the tow, and to set his mouth all in a blaze, the screams commenced again. " He will blow up he will blow up !" said one. " He s all-on-a fire !" another. " How the sparks do fly cut of his mouth !" " Tis fire ! Tis raal fire !" " Oh d-e-a-r ! " Take him some wa-ter !" " I say, mister mister," exclaimed Mr. Longbow, who had become really frightened, and who could sit still no lon ger, when he saw the man positively burning up " Did you really mean to set that tow on fire ? Don t it burn, mister ! Don t you want some help ? I say, sir, mister /" The man answered by blowing a stream of sparks out of his mouth straight at the squire, who started back in terror, and overset Mrs. Longbow, who uttered an unearthly scream. The fire flickered out at last, and order was restored. This was followed by the " ribbon factory," and the man pulled a pile of them out of his mouth, of all sizes and colors, and scattered them around his feet in the most reckless manner. "Don t tromp on em," said Aunt Sonora. " He ought to be keerfa] on em," said another. " If Whistle & Sharp only sold sich ribbons," another. " And to think," exclaimed Mrs. Bird, " they come right out on him, too." BORROWS SQUIRE LONGBOW S HAT. 285 " He keeps em in his butes" roared Turtle. " They don t come out of his butes at all," said Aunt So nora, " they re all in his mouth. 11 " He didn t put ern in his butes," said Mrs Swipes, "how could they come out on em ?" " Put em in fore he come," said Turtle. " I say, mister," inquired Mr. Longbow, who wished to settle the disputed point for the benefit of all, " did you put them are ribbons inter yer butes fore you come ?" The man cocked his eye, and kept pulliug away. The Squire looked indignant. " Ask him if they re raal ribbons," said Aunt Sonora. " I say, mister," stammered the Squire, again rising, " are them are raal ribbons." The man still pulled. " Won t answer no questions!" exclaimed the Squire, and he sat down. The ribbon factory at last ran out. The only other exercise of importance was cooking eggs in a hat. The performer had borrowed the squire s hat in the most polite way possible ; saying " he would confer a great favor upon him, for the loan of it a few moments ; it would so much aid him in his feats. It was just the hat he wanted it was sometimes difficult for him to find just the hat but the squire s hat filled his eye to a dot." Now the Squire s hat was the most remarkable hat in all Puddleford. It was a broad-brimmed affair, " raal beaver," he said, which he d worn mor n twenty years. He bought it down on the " Susqueh annas," and had watched it with sacred care ever since he had owned it He wore it on Sun- da^, Fourth of July, on town-meeting days, and on all special occrsionr.. He kept it the rest of the time in a closet in tho " cAaw-ber," covered with a piece of " ile cloth," which was about as ancient as the hat. There was one grease spot on 286 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. it, and or.ly one, and there was not a man, woman, or child in the settlement, who did not know how it " come on," for the Squire had detailed the circumstances that led to the catastrophe, a hundred times. The hat was set upon the floor, and the performer brought out a basket of eggs, and bowing gracefully, holding one in his hand at the same time, said he would cook a dozen in that hat, pointing to the Squire s hat significantly. " S-i-r !" exclaimed the Squire. " Keep easy, sir !" said the man. " In my hat !" " Yes sir ! in your hat /" " In my beaver hat ?" " Yes sir !" " Cook eggs ?" Yes sir ! Cook em i" " That hat !" " Yes sir ! I say that hat !" " Down in front !" exclaimed Turtle ; u can t see." " That hat !" gasped the Squire again. " He s gummin you," roared Turtle ; " can t cook eggs in a hat. Down in front !" Squire Longbow was very much excited, and had turned very red in the face. He could not help but think what his first wife would say if she was there what she would say if she saw that hat with eggs " a-bilin " in it but perhaps the showman was " a-tryin " to scare him, as Turtle said he would wait a little and watch him closely. " And now," said the performer, " examine this egg it is a real egg and now you see me break it and now it is broke and now," cracking it apart with his thumb nails and looking down into the Squire s hat- " there it goes /" " Twenty-five dollars ! twenty-five dollars for that !" ejacu THE SQUIRE GETS INTO A PASSION. 287 lated the Squire, filled with fury, aud jumping towards the performer, with his fist doubled, and his teeth firm set " You re a great scoundrel, sir you borrowed that hat, sir you borrowed it of me, sir it is my hat, sir, that you ve got, sic my name is Longbow, sir Squire Longbow, sir that s my beaver hat, sir twenty years old, sir cost ten dollars, sir !" * And there goes another," continued the performer, amid the stamping and roars of the audience, popping another egg into the Squire s hat, in the coolest manner possible, disregarding the tempest around him. " I call upon Mr. Turtle to witness !" continued the Squire ; " I ll ish-er a warrant for you, sir I ll have you up, sir before me, sir you can t pay me for that ere hat, sir you ll be imprison d you ll go to jail, sir you won t spile any more people s hats, sir you won t bile eggs, arter this, sir it s your last bilin, sir " By this time, the smoke was rising out of the Squire s hat and curling away towards the ceiling, and the smell of cooked eggs was waxing strong in the nostrils, and the hat, so they all said, was " gone for sartin." " La !" exclaimed Aunt Sonora, as she saw the fate of the hat, " what wicked critters these performers are ; sit right down and burn up a hat a bilin eggs in it !" The performer returned Squire Longbow s hat, after he had concluded his wonderful experiment of cooking eggs> but the old man looked upon it with suspicion. He turned it over and over, and smelt of it, but declared, at last, that it was his old beaver, and jest as good as new ; whereupon he apologized for his getting into a passion, and gave as a reason, that it ** was the first time he ever saw the trick j one Du t now he know d the man was a gentleman, every ,nch on him." 288 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. But the most remarkable exhibition that ever fell upon Puddleford, occurred after this. A caravan of wild animals, about the autumnal days, took Puddleford in its way. It was called the grand caravan. Quite a flaming poster pre ceded the animals themselves. Tke bill was indeed a very attractive looking affair. There was a lion and a tiger painted on it, at a dead lock. The lion it appeared had opened the tiger s bowels, and the tiger had opened the lion s bowels the lion had torn the tiger s head, and the tiger had torn the lion s head these two furious beasts seemed to be about on an equal footing. An elephant was also portrayed in a very stately manner, carrying a house full of people on his back, who were armed to the teeth, for some unknown purpose, and who also supported a stern looking gentleman, seated upon his tusks, who carried a long pole in his hand. Monkeys of all sizes were scattered around the picture. Some climbing trees, some chattering higher up in the branches, and some cutting curious antics, evidently for the gratuitous amusement of the public who might choose to look on. This bill was posted up at the Eagle, and it created a very great excitement throughout Puddleford and the adjacent country. Scores of people came in from u round about," to wonder over and digest this wonderful " picter." Aunt Sonora, Mrs. Swipes, Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Beagle, Mrs. Longbow, and their husbands, the " colonel," Bigelow Van Slyck, Jim Birzzard, and scores of ragged children, pressed into the bar-room, day after day, and " Oh d " and " Ah d " over it. All kinds of comments were made by the multi tude. The origin, history, habits, and ferocity of the ani mals were sagely discussed and settled. Squire Longbow^ among the rest, told wonderful stories about the " roar " of the lion how he " shak t the whole woods, when he got his wrath up, and made all the other animals run and hide SQUIRE LONGBOW LECTURES ON THE LION. 289 themselves he said, they d all have to stop their ears if that feller (pointing to the said lion on the show-bill), o;iv em a blast he heer d one roar onct, down onter the Susquehan- nas, and he shouldn t forget it the longest day he lived." Aunt Sonora inquired of Squire Longbow, " where lions came from, and how they got em here, and if they were </tt//-erous animals, and would bite people." The Squire drew a long ahem ! stretched out his legs, and looked very wise, for he thought if there was anything that he did know about, it was about lions. He recollected just how that lion looked that he saw down on the Susquehannas. He knew, too, that there was no other person in Puddleford that could throw any light upon the subject of lions. So the Squire began in the most profound manner, to answer Aunt Sonora. "The lion," said the Squire, "the great African lion jist sich a lion as you see on that ere bill inasmuch as you have axed me, I tell you, comes from the jungles of the torrid zone." Mr. Bates wanted to know what " a jungle was, while he was about his lion story ?" " A jungle a jungle," continued the Squire, coughing in his embarrassment ; " a jungle is a place a kind-er cave, where the lions go, deep inter the airth, and where they can growl and roar, without disturbin anybody." u Inter the airth ?" exclaimed Turtle ; " how do they catch em, then ?" 44 How do they ketch em ? how do they ketch em ?" exclaimed the Squire ; " how do / know ? how can / tell ? I ve never been in Africa I was only tellin how the lions liv d." Mrs. Bird ask d the Squire what the lions ate ?" " Anything they can get," answered the Squire, very philo sophically ; u they ain t t all particular." 15 290 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. " Don t eat grass, do they I" The Squire said he " shouldn t be s prised if they did." u Do they eat up men and women ?" " Wai? answered the Squire, " to tell you the plain truth, I s pose they do." " Oh Lordy !" exclaimed Mrs. Bird. " Ugh I how he looks !" During all this time the young Puddleforclians, dirty and barefooted, who had crowded themselves into a corner in a distant part of the room, were filled with -terror during the Squire s sage remarks, and fairly trembled for their safety. Jim Buzzard took occasion to say that " he s posed the an-er-mals would bite, but he warn t goin to be scart, if they had em fasten d in cages but if they were goin-ter run loose, he d be gaul-blasted, if they seed him round thar, when they comM he d jest let em know he warn t agoin to be eat up by their lions and elephuntses he didn t care nothin bout their monkeys he warn t fraid of them, no how but them are lions what teeth they have got Oh ! mighty ! guess d they wouldn t ketch him round them grinders." The bill, among other startling announcements, declared that " the celebrated animal mentioned in Holy Writ, and now known as the Ichneumon," would be exhibited that it was the first time any company had ever succeeded in carry ing him so far into the interior, as he was very partial tc salt water, and suffered very much and grew very, faint and weak when removed any distance away from it. The showman had been very careful not to furnish a pic ture of the Ichneumon, whose peculiarities had been so vividly portrayed in print, and the Puddlefordians were in great doubt about his real appearance. There were many curious speculations, and sage reflections indulged in bv the more BIGELOW VAN SLYCK ON THE ICHNEUNON. 291 learned portion of the crowd, about his origin and history It was very difficult, in the first place, to pronounce his name. Bigelow Van Slyck, who was a host at Puddleford in philology, attempted to give the most correct pronuriciation of the word. It was u /c/i, something," he said " probably the whole word was taken from Ich and that was an ani mal that scratched himself and yet he didn t believe this animal had any hair and it was qnly hairy animals that did scratch themselves and the reason why he thought the animal hadn t any hair, was, that he must be a salt water animal for the bill said he was mentioned in Holy Writ and also, that he couldn t live away from salt water. He thought he knew sun-thin* bout Holy Writ he thought he did and sun-thin bout animals, too and if he was to give his opinion, he should say the Ichrieumen was the great LQ-vi-a-thern, that went into the mighty deep!" (Here Bigelow raised upon his toes, and spread out his arms, as if to show the crowd how big the great Le-vi-a-thern was.) Bigelow s oration produced a very solemn effect on the Puddlefordians. The idea that the great Leviathan, of Holy Writ, was really coming into their midst, was a most astounding thought to every man, woman, and child present. Mrs. Longbow, who was a member of Bigelow s church, as has been seen, wanted to know " in what part of Holy Writ, that are Ich-what-do-ye-call-it was found ?" Bigelow said it was some where he couldn t zactly tell it was either in the Old or New Testament, he was very martin." Mrs. Longbow said " she d never see d it." Bigelow said " he d never seen him nuther." Mrs. Longbow explained " she d never seen the animal in the Holy Writ." 202 PUDDLEFOUD AND ITS PEOPLE. Bigelow thought, " if she d look, she d find it." Mrs. Longbow said " she d look now." Bigelow said " he hadn t time now, but he d look it up by next Sunday, and preach on t." Turtle, who had been carefully watching Bigelow in his attempt to identify the Ichneumon, and who had great respect for his opinion in all matters connected with Holy Writ, thought he discovered a flaw in the argument. He would "jest like to know how they could carry around a salt water animal on land ?" Bip-elow said " he warn t alive he was stuff d. It didn t o say the celebrated live animal called the Ichneumon." " But it did say," replied Turtle, " that it was the first time they had succeeded in carrying the animal so for in the interior." Bigelow was a little puzzled at this but said, " he s posed it was in great danger of being stolen but at anyrate, the Ichneumen was the great Levia^Aem, or some other very strange animal that he was sure of." Squire Longbow who had listened in the most dignified manner to all that Bigelow had said, heaved a long sigh at his last remark, and declared that Bigelow had, in his opinion, " s plained the whole thing and twas clear nough to him that the Ich-nu-men, was the Viathen tany rate, he know d the Viathen was the Ich-nu-men." The excitement was very great from the time the bill was posted, until the grand caravan actually arrived. Very little else was talked about, or thought of in Puddleford and the region round about. Every business, and every domestic and social arrangement had reference to the coming event. Squire Longbow had declared, two weeks before the day fixed for the performance, that no law business would be done in his office -on show day. Turtle had issued a similar EXPECTING THE CARAVAN. 203 proclamation. Important financial arrangements were every where matured to enable the Puddlefdrdians to " raise the wind," so they might procure an entrance behind the canvas. The draft of ready money- upon the people threat ened to be very disastrous, for the admission was two shil lings per head, children half price cash down. The caravan was expected to arrive at about ten o clock in the forenoon. But the mighty multitude, who had some distance to travel, packed and provisioned, and started on their way the day previous. Everybody was determined to be on the ground when the first blow was struck. The morning of the long-looked for period presented a spectacle more stirring and sublime than anvthing which had ever been before known. Every man, woman and child was dressed in his or her best. Many had strained a point, and appeared in a style so rich, that they were scarcely known by their best friends. And then, too, every person appeared to be so full of good humor and smiles, that it really seemed to be the only desire of all to make each other happy. Squire Longbow shone like a dollar. The old homespun coat and beaver hat wore a new brightness about them ; and what was very "unusual for the Squire, he had procured a new hickory cane, and. had cut " Longbow " upon it, which very much added to his dignity. Turtle had actually mounted, a clean collar, which was one of the most remarkable occur rences of the season. Jim Buzzard, however, had not met with any change, outwardly or inwardly. He wore the same hat, coat and boots that were found with him, when he was first seen sunning himself on a dry goods box one morning, in the streets of Puddleford. The hat was a little more jammed up, and the boots gaped a little wider but he was still the same Jim Buzzard, and they were still the same hat and boots. Thev bid fair to last as Ions? as he did. His 294 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. garments seemed to have grown to him, and to have become a part of him to have formed a sort of attachment for him and he really looked as if he had been born with these very clothes on. Jim sauntered around and said nothing. Sometimes he might be seen perched away oft* by himself upon a post, overlooking the crowd sometimes stretched out -on a box in the sun snoring, and making ready for the coming occa sion. He knew he would get in. He had no money, but he was a philosopher. He let matters take care of them selves, and as he had always been provided for, he felt per fectly satisfied that he always would be. Every body inquired very particularly about every body s family on that day, and why shouldn t every body inquire about every body s family, for it was the day of the great caravan, and everybody was of course overflowing with joy. Mrs. Longbow assured Aunt Sonora, that " she would sartinly call on her the very next afternoon," and Aunt Sonora apolo gized for not having dropp d in to take tea with Mrs. Long bow, long afore. Mrs. Bird went so far as to inquire of Mr. Longbow, " how his cousins," which she said she had heer d on, were gettin along down on the Susquehannas the only time before or since, that the old lady ever alluded to the Squire s cousins, down on the Susquehannas or any where else. The grand caravan at last appeared in the distance, pre ceded by a cloud of dust, and heralded by distant strains of music. The shock was electrical the rush was immense. The boys ran, and turned summersets the men ran after the boys, and the women ran after the men. Jim Buzzard, disturbed by the "noise and confusion," actually .rolled off a box, where- he was dozing ; crawled to his feet, and rubbed his eyes open with his fist. The jam was really terrific women lost GREAT EXCITEMENT. 295 portions of their dresses, men s hats flew off, and somehow, in the hurly-burly and jam, Squire Longbow missed his bea ver hat, cane, and eye-shade. The Squire was in great mental excitement, as well as in bodily danger. He panted for breath, and plodded on the best way he could. Even a man of his distinction was not regarded on that day. Among other trials and reverses, he found himself separated from Mrs. Longbow, who, for anything he knew, was " trampled to death," somewhere; and with one eye on the grand caravan, and the other (the blind one,) looking after his second wife, he hurried along, muttering to himself, like some mad animal. He was dashed on to Mr. Turtle in his progress, and nearly upset that respectable legal gen tleman. Mr. Turtle rose, filled with wrath, and with drawn fist, and just saw his mistake in time before the blow descended " Oh, it s you, Squire !" said Mr. Turtle. Squire Longbow asked Mr. Turtle where his wife was ? Mr. Turtle, very much excited, said something which the Squire did not understand, and pointed nowhere in particular, and then bounded on after the grand caravan. The Squire after twisting and turning, and panting and- blowing, and after having overturned three or four innocent women, who hap pened to be in his way, found himself at last, outoT the rush, in the corner of a rail fence, blowing his flushed face with his best cotton handkerchief. When he came to himself, he began to think. He recollected that he was a magistrate yet, and if anybody should steal his hat cane, or his eye- shade, he muttered " heVi bring em afore him by day-light next morning, he would he d have some kinder la in town, if " twas caravan day." The fate of Aunt Sonora was about as melancholy as that of the Squire. She was somehow drawn into the tide, and as the good old lady could not move fast, the current that 290 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. passed her on each side, rolled her round and round, as she stood, first one way and then the other, until she became completely peeled of her outer clothes. Cries were jerked out of her in a spasmodic way, as she could catch her breath. Massy massy ! Oh, massy me 1 I m k-i-l-l- -d I" and many more heart-rending exclamations she uttered; but it was the great caravan that was coming, and she was neither heard nor heeded. When she escaped, she looked as if she had been plucked of all her feathers ; she however, quietly slid into the house of Mrs. Longbow, which was ne-ar by r for repairs. When she found herself able to speak, she declared, " if that was the way the caravan was a-goin to use folks, she hop d lite-mug would strike em fore they got out-er the settlement they d spilt her shilling caliker dress, and she wouldn t gin it for all the monkeys the confounded con-sarn had." . But the caravan moved on regardless of accidents, and the music grew stronger and stronger, as it approached nearer and nearer, and as the breeze cast aside the dust, men and horses and wagons were seen moving forward, solemnly, pre ceded by an elephant, which carried a stately looking gen tleman upon his tusk, according to the representation on the bill. As the procession approached the village, its extent and magnificence began to dwindle. Alas! three wagons and one sickly looking elephant, comprised the whole affair. The people were evidently very much disappointed. The bill was a very large bill, and they did not see how it was possi ble for the few vehicles that came into town, to hold all the live stock which had been promised. Squire Longbow still stood in the corner of the rail fence, looking out for the lion, for he had pledged his reputation to the Puddlefordians that the lion should be all that he had promised. He didn t know whether he would coma THE BAND STILL BLOWS AWAY. 297 on foot or not housed or open, but the Squire saw no lion, nor any place for one. Bigelow was busy sharply scenting out the " TcA-nu-men, celebrated in Holy writ," as the-bill declared. He felt it to be his duty to take a kind of guardianship over the Ich-nu- men, while he might favor Puddleford with his presence, because he was associated with Holy writ; but Bigelow could not find him any where, living or dead kicking or stuffed. He was much disappointed, but took courage from the hope that he was shut up from vulgar gaze, in one of the strong cages. The musicians still blowed their blast, as the cavalcade wound its way through the principal streets. The bill declared that the band was the celebrated " Boston Band," led by Monsieur Huzzleguget, and according to that, it was composed of some twenty-four performers, drawn by six fiery steeds, attached to a Grecian chapiot, driven by one elegant looking gentleman, heavily whiskered, who must have been some six feet high but alas ! the band itself that led on the animals, through the streets of Puddleford, con sisted of only four seedy looking performers, who carried three rusty copper horns and a bass drum, which was beat by a melancholy looking boy. The three horn men, had blown their faces as round as pumpkins, and as red, too; or some thing beside wind, perhaps, had blown the color into their faces, for they occasionally took something to drink, during the heat of the exercises, from a bottle which they kept under the seat of the "chariot." The " chariot " was a large high boarded wagon, and painted red, and was drawn by a couple of jaded " tugs," who showed plainly enough that their days were fast drawing to a close. But the music still blowed, and the procession 298 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. moved on, and the Puddlefordians were as much delighted as if the proclamation had been fully realized. Up went the canvas, and the show prepared to open. The hurry to nter was most marvellous such a crowd Puddleford never saw before. Even Squire Longbow could" not wait, until the doors were actually opened. He was bewitched to see the great African lion. The Squire, as a peace-officer, ordered the crowd to keep back, in reality for the purpose of giving him and Mrs. Longbow a better chance ; but the Squire s commands were entirely disregard ed he had sunk down to the level of a mere citizen he was stripped of all his power it was the great caravan day, and who cared for a justice of the peace on such an occasion ? Aunt Sonora having repaired the disasters of the forenoon, had determined to see the fun out. She had put on her " t other frock," and looked as well as she did before she had been jpeeled through the morning multitude. The doors were opened -at last, and the "rush" entered, and in a few moments the canvas was alive with human beings. The grand caravan, now on exhibition, was originally the fag-end of a large concern, which had been bought up by sharpers to swindle the people. I say, originally, because this fag-end had been divided up into three smaller fag-ends which were out in different parts of the new country scouring around for money. The Puddleford fag-end had a runt of a lion, who was very evidently on his last legs ; for .he had been travelled until his hair was worn entirely off , and his spirits exhausted^ It was very clear that he was showing himself for about the last time. The elephant was diseased, and the tiger was about four times the size of a cat. There were three dirty- looking monkeys in a cage, eating crackers and hickory nuts, and chatting and throwing shucks through the bars at THE KEEPER SHOWS UP THE LION. 299 the gaping crowd an ichneumon a black bear, the only hearty fellow in the concern and a raussy looking ostrich, who had lost his tail feathers in his peregrinations through the globe. This was the caravan. Aunt Sonora entered, trembling, "Dear me! dear me ! dear me !" she uttered to herself as she went in " and so this is really the great caravan if the animals should get loose and there oh there is that the lion !" she exclaim ed involuntarily to those around her, starting back, as she saw the bars of a cage in the distance, " are them bars iron ?" she exclaimed, looking frightened. " Walk up ! walk up !" exclaimed the keeper, as he saw several persons standing back " the lion is one of the most docile animals we have, ladies and gentlemen He never bites, ladies and gentlemen got him in a strong cage walk up, ladies and gentlemen, and see the /t-on, the monarch of the forest, as he is called." " How his eye-balls glare !" exclaimed Aunt Sonora, dis regarding the peaceful proclamation of the keeper, as the great African lion looked up lazily, and brushed a fly from his nose with his fore paw. " This African lion, ladies and gentlemen," continued the keeper, u is fourteen years old, was caught in the great jungles of Ethiopia, by throwing a large rope around his neck when he was a-sleeping, ladies and gentlemen he floundered a good deal, ladies and gentlemen, but he was caught, and brought away to the shores of Ameri-ca, where he has been ever since nobody need be afear d, for he never breaks out of his cage, and always minds his keeper walk up c/o-ser and look at the animal, ladies and gentlemen." Here the keeper struck the iron bars of the cage a heavy blow with a stick which he carried, but tho great African lion took no notice of it, 300 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. "Don t be skeer d," exclaimed Mrs. Swipes, who Lad listened attentively to the assurances of the keeper, addressing herself to Miss Lavinia Longbow, whom she held between herself and the great African lion, as a precaution " Don t be skeer d, he s one of the most docil-es* animals in the whole caravan the keeper says push along. Don t be skeer d Go right up to where he is a-lying." " This," exclaimed Squire Longbow, in a loud tone of voice to a host of Puddlefordians who had gathered around him for protection " this is the great lion I tell d you about He ain t so large as the one I onct saw doitn onter the Sus- quehannas. Can he roar any, Mr. Keeper ?" continued the Squire, turning solemnly, and addressing himself to that august personage, with his usual dignity. " He s a perfect roarer, ladies and gentlemen !" answered the keeper" but the lion don t roar at this time of the year you don t understand the nater of the animal he loses his voice during the latter part of the season. You ought to have heard him last spring when he was in the roaring mood, ladies and gentlemen." " Bless us ! * exclaimed Aunt Sonora. " Frightened the children half to death," said the keeper. u The great African lion," muttered Aunt Sonora. " But he won t roar now, ladies and gentlemen walk up walk up !" " Com d from the jungles, I s pose," inquired the Squire with much gravity. " Caught right in a jungle," said the keeper, " Jest as I told you !" said the Squire, turning around lo his friends. " Has he got claws ?" inquired Aunt Sonora. " Claws!" exclaimed the keeper, looking astonished - ; the great African lion got claws ? Bless you ! why he s all EXPLAINS WHY THE LION HAS NO HAIR. 301 claws and teeth let me show them to you " and the keeper ran his arm into the cage, in the act of pulling out one of the paws of the ferocious beast when all Puddleford started with a rush for the doors, mingled with screams that were most heart-rending. " Never mind," said the keeper, who had "become affected by the terror around him, " we won t show the lion s claws now." Order being restored, Mrs. Bird wanted to know why the lion " hadn t got any har ?" u Any what ?" inquired the keeper, peering through the crowd to find where the voice came from, and what it said. " Any har, Mr. Keeper." "Ah ! oh yes any hair I see it is a lady who makes the inquiry. Why the animal hasn t got any hair ? Yes ! yes ! very proper inquiry. We like to answer such ques tions, or any questions. These animals are great curiosities and we travel for the instruction of the people. Why the animal hasn t got any hair ? Put all the questions you can think of, ladies and gentlemen. The animal hasnt got any hair, just now. Well, ladies and gentlemen, he has just shed his coat the lion is the monarch of the forest he sheds hiscoai in the fall of the year, ladies and gentlemen he s from Africa, where the animals shed their coats at a dif ferent season from the animals of this country and the lion does just as he would do if he were in Africa now, ladies and gentlemen. A very proper question that, ladies and gen- themen, the lion is a wonderful beast the most wonder ful beast, ladies and gentlemen, we have. Any more questions ? He has shed his coat you see looks bad, just now. A sight at the lion alone is worth the whole admis sion money. Any more questions ?" 302 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Mrs. Bird wanted to know of the keeper if he couldn t make him " snap and snarl a little." As the lion could scarcely stand upon his legs, the request of Mrs. Bird rather took the keeper aback for a moment. But he recovered himself and proceeded. He said he could do it did do it sometimes but he didn t like to do it. "You see, ladies and gentlemen, that he is very docile now resting very quiet nothing disturbs him but if he should get once roused up, there is no knowing what he would do ; I have stirred him up upon particular request, but I never do it of my own accord, ladies and gentlemen. We don t propose to do any such thing on our bills. We don t like to do such a thing but we always mean to satisfy the pub lic, ladies and gentlemen." Here the keeper started for a long pole with a sharp spike in the end of it, and returning with it in his hand, announced, " I will now make the great African lion foam and rage and gnash his teeth." A scream of terror went up from the whole multitude filled with broken ejaculations. "Murder!" "Don t!" " Let me out !" " Stop him !" and everybody rushed in the wildest confusion a second time, for the door. The keeper laid down his pole and calmed the crowd. The exercises connected with the lion now closed. Tur tle took advantage of the interregnum to make an inquiry of his own. He had in his possession the flaming poster that had so long hung at the Eagle, and amused and asto nished the Puddlefordians, and slowly unfolding it, he caught the eye of the keeper, as he held it out at full length, and wished to know where " all the monkeys were that were put on to that ere bill ?" The keeper pointed to the monkeys cage, where the three were, still chewing nuts and crackers, and chattering and bobbing from one side to the other. THE MONKEYS. 303 " Je-hos-a-phat !" exclaimed Turtle, " them ar 1 ain t these ere monkeys there ain t but three on em, nuther, and they ain t climbing trees, as these are Je-hos-a-phat ! are them your monkeys, Mr. Keeper ?" The keeper said " he would explain. They were the same monkeys that the gentleman found on the bill the same monkeys in different attitudes. That monkey, for instance, ladies and gentlemen," continued the keeper, pointing his stick at a grey-bearded one in the cage, who was just then intently at work pulling a sliver out of his foot, " that mon key is represented four or five times on the bill in different forms, ladies and gentlemen jumping here, and climbing there, ladies and gentlemen and in other places performing those wonderful and curious feats that the monkey only can perform. Will the gentleman show the bill for the benefit of all ? [Ike held up the bill over his head.] -Now, ladi es and gentlemen, look at the bill, and then look at the mon key. These bills are printed for the instruction of the people it gives them a knowledge of natural history. That mon key can do anything that we have represented on our bill or, rather, monkeys in their native woods do all these things but the woods we cannot carry around with us, ladies and gentlemen and so we give it to you on our bills. (Hold the bill a little higher, if you please, sir.) There you see the monkey as he is next thing to a man, ladies and gen tlemen. Study the monkey he s an as-fo/i-ishing animal very different from the lion, there wherever we go, the mo/i-keys are admired. Any more questions, ladies and gen tlemen ?" Turtle said " he b lieved he shouldn t ask any more ques tions." Bigelow Van Slyck had not yet seen " that wonderful ani- ijial, mentioned in Holy Writ, and now known as the Ich- 304 rUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. neumon." He had walked the whole caravan over and over a dozen times, but the Ichneumon was nowhere to be seen. He inquired, at last, of the keeper, " where he kept his Ichneumon?" " Certainly !" answered the keeper in the most amiable manner possible, leading the way to a little cage on the ground, where he had an animal housed about the size of a small dog. " There," exclaimed the keeper, " is the sacred quadruped? now known as the Ichneumon." Bigelow ran his hands into his breeches pockets ana looked down very reverently upon the little fellow. " Spoken of in Holy Writ ?" repeated Bigelow. " Often !" said the keeper. " Old Testament, probably," said Bigelow. " Most probably," replied the keeper. Bigelow took another long look. " And he s alive, too," said Bigelow, drawing a long breath. " But it costs a great deal of money," answered the keeper, " to preserve his life most expensive animal we have bathe him in salt water three times a day." " Mi-rac-ulous !" said Bigelow. " Treat him very tenderly," continued the keeper, " liable to lose him any moment cost a great sum but we dotf t mind that it is our business we will satisfy the public." Bigelow introduced Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Swipes and Mrs. Long bow to the Ichneumon, who did not happen to be present and hear the keeper s remarks, and repeated in low breath the information which he had just derived, with suitable and appropriate remarks of his own. For his part, he said, he was paid. He had seen the sacred animal called the Ich neumon and he managed to weave him into a serin on BREAKING UP. 305 which he preached some weeks afterwards, in which he iden tified him as clearly as he did when inspecting the poster at the " Eagle." Jim Buzzard was present during all the exercises. He crawled in under the canvas at rather a late hour, but appeared in time to see all that was to be seen. He made very few comments upon the animals. He took a very long look at the elephant, who seemed to just strike his fancy. Jim was a picture, and so was the elephant. As he stood in rags gap ing at the monster, it seemed as if he was magnetized to the ground. He examined him up and down, looked under him and over him, and at last, after having digested all there was about him, he scratched his head and said, " Oh ! Gok !" But all things must have an end, and the grand caravan, in time, came to its end. The last performance, which was intended as the dfcnax to the whole day s proceedings, and which had been fcoked forward to by the Puddlefordians with the most enthusiastic feeling, was the " ostrich and monkey ride." The poster had painted this affair in shining colors, and it was finally announced by the keeper, amid a tempest of applause. It is not in my power to describe this ride. The monkey rode the ostrich, as promised, carrying a whip in his hand and then the monkey took anothe* round on the ostrich, carrying something else and then ag,*in and again, each time under renewed and stronger vociferations from the multitude, until I really began to think that the monkey and ostrich were certain to transport the crowd into hysterics, and cover themselves with immortal glory. When the afternoon shadows ^began to lengthen over the green, the tent, which had so recently gone up by magic, as suddenly dissolved, and the people dissolved too. The show was over, and there were scores of people who were twenty or thirty miles from home, jaded and nearly out of money 306 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Puddleford was in an uproar in the general preparation for a departure. The showmen were packing their monkeys, ostrich, and ichneumon, temporarily hobbling their elephant and counting up the proceeds of the day, and making ready for a fresh swindle upon some adjacent town. The women were dealing out gingerbread to squalling children to fortify their stomachs against the journey of the night. The men were settling up their bills at the Eagle and all was bustle and commotion. Aunt Sonora hurried home and " took a nap "-^she had passed such a day " was," as she said, ** nearly killed in the morning, and skeer d to death in the arternoon, that it seem d as if she should fly off the handle her head danc d round like a top see if they could catch her at any more of their pow-wows their lions and their monkeys might go to grass, for all her she d not look at em agin that s what she wouldn t there warn t nothin so grand bout em arter all, as folks tell d on she wouldn t use up herself agin for any such strolling critters not she." The procession formed in a line, just at twilight, to take its farewell. A knot of urchins, and twenty or more Pud- dlefordians, were all that were left of the pride and pomp of the morning to see them safely on their wav. The band struck up a lively air, the wagons moved forward, and soon bad wound awav out of si^ht and all settled down a^ain . o o into the most profound tranquillity. THE TINKHAMS ARRIVE. 307 CHAPTER XXIV. The Tinkhams arrive Great stir Miss Lavinia Longbow s head is turned Everybody in Love with the Tinkhams Wind changes The Tiukhains Fall The whole Pack out on them They aban don the Settlement. IT is remarkable how the people of a new country run in fixed channels of thought and action. That this is true of an old one where ages have hardened down and vitrified a long train of habits, is not so wonderful. Puddleford was in the gristle, it was true, and had not as yet made any permanent development. But even in its gristle, it had its laws tempo-- rary, of course, but laws, nevertheless, which were as unbend ing as iron, while they lasted. No person was permitted to outstrip his neighbor in any of the luxuries or refinements of social life. Any attempt at such a piece of ambition, was regarded as a kind of premed itated insult upon the whole town. It was never for a moment supposed that a Puddlefordian could act without some hidden motive, maliciously directed against those who were not in any way connected with his personal affairs. The pride of a new country is most marvellous. The less wealth, or the less education, or the less of the luxuries of life, which such a people may possess, the more tender they are upon those very deprivations. In one sense, again, not a particle of pride could be found lingering in all Puddleford. This pride was the source of the most unrelenting jealousy. Mrs. Longbow never bought a new calico, without being agitated. She knew that not only the calico, but herself, 308 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. too, in connection with such a bold enterprise, must neces sarily pass in review before all the women of the place And she also knew that not unfrequently it happened that very improper motives were attributed. The calico might have been purchased to cast a slur upon some one else a way taken by her to "let people know what some folks could do, and what other people could not do," a kind of open triumph, maliciously intended to humble the pride, and sneer at the poverty of another, who dare not venture upon such an outlay of money and Mrs. Longbow knew and felt that it was as much as her reputation was worth, to appear the first time in public in such a garment for Mrs. Swipes or Mrs. Bird, would be sure to declare that " she did it on pnrpos jist to insult her" Immigrants who settled in Pucldleford felt the force of this social law very forcibly. Mr. Tinkham and family came in and took up their residence. Mi-. Tinkham was a small mer chant, and hailed from a small eastern village, and brought in his train a wife, one son, and two daughters Mr. Howard Tinkham, Miss Jenet Tinkham, and Miss Mary Tinkham old enough all for society. They were a very plain family, had been educated in a very plain way, and were very un pretending in their deportment. " Old Mr. Tinkham," as he was called, was on the downhill side of life, and was fast ruifning into the shadows of the valley ; and " Old Mrs. Tink ham " was not very far behind him. They had immigrated for the benefit of their children made themselves miserable from a philanthropic desire to make somebody else happy had buried all the associations, comforts and joys of their lives, to linger out an unnatural existence in the West. When Mr. Tinkham and his family came on, Puddlefoid was overflowing with enthusiasm. Indeed, their anticipated arrival was heralded by all hands long before they made MISS LAVINIA LONGBOW S HEAD is TURNED. 309 their appearance, and their " means," personal history, poli tics and religion, were well known weeks in advance. The accession of a new family was a great event in Puddleford and well it might be for it was a rare event to find any one bold enough to settle down in the village and it usually turned out to be as great an event to the individual who settled, as those whom he settled among. There w r as a general uprising to receive Mr. Tinkham it did not seem possible to do enough for Mr. Tinkham he was from the very first completely run down, crushed* and smothered with attention all the women offered their ser vices in any and every way to Mr. Tinkham, and to Mrs. Tinkham, and Mr. Howard Tinkham, and Miss Jenet Tink ham and Miss Mary Tinkham one ran this way to do this, and another that way to do that sometimes two or three female Puddlefordians would insist upon performing the same act for Mrs. Tinkham, which not unfrequently resulted in hard words and red faces among themselves, for their kind ness was so impulsive and excessive, that it was not possible for them to restrain it, as long as the Tinkham fever lasted. The Tinkhams thought that they had been very much under-rated, or very much over- rated. They were positively -delighted with the spontaneous attention of the Puddlefor dians and yet, as has been stated, the Tinkhams were a plain people, not subject to any fashionable flights, nor haughty airs, nor had they ever demanded or received much notice before, and they could only account -for .the novel exhibitions of hospitality of their new acquaintances but by supposing it was " their way," and that they were no excep tion to a general rule. Miss Lavinia Longbow, who was decidedly one of the fashionable "upper crust" of society for every society has its " upper crust " and who was the daughter of Squire 310 PUDDLEFOIID AND ITS PEOPLE. Longbow, which of itself was all-sufficient to fix her social position Miss Lavinia Longbow, almost went into ecstasies over Mr. Howard Tinkham, the first time she saw him. She declared that " he was the splendid -est man she ever see d that she thought that Jim Barton was something of a feller once but, oh ! pshaw ! he warn t nothin , Mr. Howard Tinkham had such a poetical eye, and such tap rin hands, and then he was so much slimmer-er than Jim Barton, and he walked off so peert like and then he talked so 6^-tiful all about the Venuses, and the God-es-es, and she did not know how many more things, that she never heer d of afore in all her born days. Jim Barton didn t know nothin bout any thing he couldn t say boo afore Mr. Howard Tinkham -he was sick a man, Mr. Howard Tinkham was he know d everything how many pretty stones he had told her oh pshaw ! talk about Jim Barton." Miss Lavinia ran on in the most extravagant terms, at all times and places, about Mr. Howard Tinkham, and she posi tively refused to speak to, or notice Jirn Barton for six months after Tinkham came in. Mrs. Swipes, Bird, Longbow, Aunt Sonora and all were bewitched with Mrs. Tinkham. Mrs. Swipes presented Mrs. Tinkham with a dried-apple pie within an. hour afteT her arrival, at the same time informing her that " it would come right handy while they were putting things to rights and that if there was anything else any thing no matter w hat that she had in her house, to come over and take it right away, and ask no questions. She wanted her to be at home, in her house, jist as long as they liv d in Puddle- ford." Mrs. Tinkham thought Mrs. Swipes was a very accommo dating woman. Mrs. Longbow sent a ham Mrs. Bird a loaf of "Injun," as she called it and as Mrs. Swipes knew what Mrs. Long- THE WIND CHAKGES. 31) bow had sent, and as Mrs. Longbow ascertained what Mrs. Swipes had sent, and as Mrs. Bird discovered by inquiry 41 round about," what they both sent, and as the rest of the Puddleford ladies made it their business to know what they all had sent, and as they were determined not to be outdone by the upper crust, who they declared were no better than they were, and couldn t do any more than they could do, the consequence was that the Tinkhams began to think that they had reached the promised land, and that the windows of Heaven were opened, and showering down blessings broad cast upon them. The Tinkhams were in raptures with Puddleford. Mrs. Swipes called two or three times a day to know how they got along to know if Mary Jane Arabella could not come in and " chore around a little while they were settlin " that she know d what it was " to get fix d" to know if " there warn t szm-thin she could do." Mrs. Longbow was very anxious to find out " when Mrs. Tinkham could come over, and spend a sociable afternoon it seemed as if she couldn t wait." Mrs. Bird declared that " she would have the first visit that she d say flat-footed." The Tinkhams were certainly very much in love with Puddleford. They had positively never seen anything like it. The impression which they had made, exceeded all their expectations. They did not soe how they could ever repay the manifestations of its people. But this paroxysm of attention in time passed away. The Tinkhams in time and in a very short time too fell from their high position. Mrs. Tinkham did call first upon Mrs. Longbow, and she and all the other Tinkhams were ruined from that day. Mrs. Bird then declared " she just began to see what they 312 PUDBLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. were " -she blazed out with all her fires, and shower d down her red hot lava upon the Tinkhams both great and small. She " had a lurkin kinder suspicion all the time that they warn t much " she said " she meant to treat em decently, and she had treated em decently she and Mary Jane didn t do nothin but run for em all the time, when they fust cum and now this was her thanks for t this was what she got this was her pay she d tell the whole pile on ern what she thought, some day she d give em a piece of her mind-^she d show em what Sail Bird could do they d find her out they couldn t tromp onter her jest to think after all said and done that the huzzy went straight over and call d fust on Mrs. Longb6w, on Mrs. Longbow yes, old Squire Longbow s second wife old Aunt Graves, and nobody else who I ve know d fust and last these twenty years and no good of her nuther to think of it ! to think ! only to think !" This little explosion went off in the presence of Mrs. Swipes, who had been as deeply injured by this " call " as Mrs. Bird, and Mrs. Bird knew it. Mrs. Swipes declared " that while she was the last woman on the face of the airth to injure any body, or talk bout any body, that was well known, she couldn t help lettin out on the Tinkhams she couldn t! she d tried it, but she felt it her" duty to d ^ ail( i sue would do it, and she d do it now, she thought she saw sumthin sww-thin -a-nuth- er bout that Mrs. Tinkham, the fust day that they came inter the settlement, that warn t right she didn t like her eye there was a certain sort-of-er-4ook there^-and she might as well say it right out, it looked wicked to her wicked as Cain she told Mr. Swipes then that she believed that she was a dang-rous, woman but she was detarmined to try her, for she was a person who allers tried every bodv THE WHOLE PACK DOWN UPON THEM. 313 she gin every body a chance she didn t cry down no body she didn t she warn t a-goin to twas agin her principles to do so but when she did find people out and she allers did allers sooner or la-tei sum time or a-nuther she was sure to find em out, then they d got-ter take a piece of her mind and she had found the Tinkhams out, and she thought the Tinkhams warn t any great shakes that s what she thought" "Jest my mind exactly," exclaimed Mrs. Bird, who had listened with great attention, with her eyes staring, and her mouth open, so she could not lose a word. " Nor warn t any great shakes wh<*re they com d from," added Mrs. Swipes ; " that I ve lamed for true, and I know it." " Nor never will be any great shakes," continued Mrs. Bird, "anywhere never! never!" " From the old man down," said Mrs. Swipes. " Yes ! from the old man down," repeated Mrs. Bird. Aunt Sonora, who was very " set in her way," and a great stickler for the old order of things, was, nevertheless, not naturally malicious. She thought the Tinkhams, however, " were getting mighty stuck up," and that the " gals put on the dref ellest sight of airs " " she didn t think Puddleford could hold em long people who ate sales-molasses for com mon* and bought fresh every day, must have a -long purse or they d bust " she said, " she was very sure that Mr. Howard Tinkham wore broadcloth, and as for the women folks, why, they were flarin out all the while in their silks and laws-a-me," said the old lady, " they hain t got such a killin sight to be proud on nuther if they had, she didn t know where they kept it, for her part." The Tinkhams found themselves in hot water on every side and simply for . the reason that Mrs. Tinkham had U 314 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. made her first call on Mrs. Longbow. But Mrs. Tinkham could not have escaped her fate that was not possible if she had selected any other of her devoted friends, the result would have been precisely the same. In four weeks from the time the Tinkhams had been received "with such demonstrations of affection, it was dis covered : That Mrs. Bird did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham, That Mrs. Swipes did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham, That Mrs. Beagle did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham, That a very great many other persons who did not speak to Mrs. Bird, Swipes, or Beagle did not speak to Mrs. Tink ham. Mr. and Mrs. Tinkham found that they had come in con flict with public opinion in Puddleford- they were com pletely driven out from society. The social war soon extended itself farther. The Bird clique would not trade at Mr. Tinkham s store. Mrs. Bird declared " thats he wouldn t have nothing at all to do with em, no way not the fust thing she wouldn t darken any of their doors, and they shouldn t darken hers not a Tink ham should enter her front gate she d larn em, that s what she would Mrs. Swipes and Mrs. Beagle agreed to the same thing the Tinkhams shouldn t darken their doors, nuther. Mrs. Bird s.aid she wouldn t go where the Tinkhams went Mrs. Swipes and Mrs. Beagle thereupon agreed that they wouldn t go where the Tinkhams went and the lesser lights that revolved around Mrs. Bird, Swipes, and Beagle, agreed that they wouldn t " nuther." The Tinkhams were, obliged to draw their business to a close, and leave the land of their adoption. They did not understand the social law of the country. They were seen, early one morning, wending their way out of the village, THEY ABANDON THE SETTLEMENT. 315 solitary, yet not sad, without pomp or parade, their faces to the rising sun, retracing their steps back to the land which they had left, wiser, if not better, we trust, with a fixed determination to " let well enough alone," during the remainder of their lives, and never again give " a bird in the hand for (none) in the bush." Puddleford experienced no more spasms from a distur bance of its social equilibrium, for A long time ; not until the Styles family came in many years afterwards, and over turned the whole order of things, and established upon the ruins an entirely new government 316 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XXV. And still New-England Sui Generis Her Ruggedness the soil of Liberty The Contrast The New-England Conservative The New-England Man. of Business The West has no Past Fast, and Hospitable Saxon Blood and Saxon Spirit. SUCH is a picture of some of the old-school New-England men, as they flourished years ago. Such are some of the portraits and images that rise up, and stand out vividly be fore me. New-England is unlike any thing the pioneer sees, hears, or feels in a wilderness country. She is unlike his country in her creation. Her solemn mountains, lone lakes her rush ing streams, that dart like arrows from her precipices the roar of her cataracts, amid her ragged gorges her long and tranquil reaches of valley the cold, solemn, and quiet pictures of Nature that she mingles and groups on her can vas give soul and spirit to the people who are nursed upon her soil ; and they, too, grow gigantic, like the objects around them patriotism, integrity, firmness, germinate and become athletic in such fastnesses : Liberty last expires upon the mountains. Why was civil and religious liberty planted, amid Decem ber snows, upon her inhospitable coast? Why was it com mitted to her rugged elements of Nature, if not to harden the men, and strengthen and preserve principles ? Had the * May Flower discharged its freight of ideas amid abundance, soft skies, and a teeming soil, it is not certain that the Decla ration would have been signed in 1776. How different is the great west ! One great plain of prai- NEW-ENGLAND. 317 rie and woodland, reaching from zone to zone, fairly bo. with the richness of its varied soil and climate reserved, as it were, by Providence, to receive the less hardy and vigor ous generations, which time might throw off upon her tame in scenery, but filled with the resources of wealth and power. But New-England is not only unlike the west in its crea tion, but her people, from a thousand causes, have fixed and established habits and customs as unlike. And all these have become as stereotyped by ages, as the figures upon a panorama. The New-England panorama, in all its essential features, rolls off to-day as it did years ago. .Who has not been impressed with this truth ? Select an old New- Eng land. town analyze it as you once knew it, and as it is now. How was it, how is it made up? It was finished then the last blow was struck, the last foundation laid, the rub bish all cleared away ; as if it only waited for the final ex plosion of all things even the magnificent elms that sol emnly swept its streets, grew no longer they, too, had reached maturity, and gone to sleep. So it is now. A western village, in its general apect, presents the very reverse of th s. Like Jonah s gourd, it is the "son of anight." It seems to have been thrown up by an army on the march and such is the fact the mighty army of pioneers, who are here to-day and there to-morrow, and who are only traced by such huge footsteps. The people of a New-England village appear to have been procured, assorted and arranged, for their positions and oc cupations. Each person treads in his own circle each is stamped with a value branded good, bad, or indifferent. There is the conservative gentleman the dash that connect? generations he who has taken a preemption right to re spectability--- whose patent dates away back among histori- 318 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. cal reminiscences and dead bones whose presence is pritna facie evidence of ail that is claimed and exercised. A man of authority is he. He carries an odor of the past around with him an air a something that smells of blood a consciousness that some time, or some how, some body or something had given his ancestors a cross that fol lowed arid sublimated his whole race. . Such men impress a consequence upon objects around them. Their family carriages look wise and venerable heir-looms embalmed by generations gone. They drive horses that think and know who and what they are and who live and, die under the protection of their masters. Their church-pews blaze in crimson are piled with cushions, arrayed with stools, and tables, and books, with two pillows and a foot-stove in tlie corner, for the old lady of seventy, who wheezes and takes snuff. Perhaps, reader, you have met just such a New-England character. He never moves below n line in society a line as arbitrary with him as 36 30 . He had a broad face, double chin, heavy nose, wide-brimmed hat, and buff vest, filled with ruffles. You have heard him deliver his opinion upon a question of public policy, or public morals his voice slow and sepulchral his manner heavy, almost me lancholy made impressive through the aid of a gold-headed cane, with which he occasionally beats out the emphatic portions of his homily. Perhaps you attempted to make a suggestion yourself if you did, you recollect the frown, the reproof that came down upon you, from those cold, gray eyes of his, and perhaps the shock you inflicted upon the timid around you, from your impudence. This class do not, by any means, constitute the back-bone of New-England. The enterprise that breaks through her mountains, upheaves her valleys, and sends the iron-horse on CONSERVATIVES. o i U its way creates the roar of machinery that reverberates among her hills grasps with," and battles for, the public questions of the day pours a tide of life and energy into every thing around which makes itself felt through the long anus of commerce in every part of the world, and whose touch electrifies every mart this enterprise is born, and quickened, and sustained some where else. These men are the mere spectators of all this bustle. They are rather drag- weights upon it the acknowledged conservative army of * masterly inactivity. These conservatives are not without value, but they can only exist in a fixed state of society. They are the work of ages, and can not be created in a breath. No such characters can be found in the western world. The roots of such a growth lie away back among the Puritans. One can smell Plymouth Rock, Cotton Mather, Bunker Hill, and indeed the whole revolutionary war, in the very production. Pedi gree associations, musty ideas, which lie scattered every where, and yet nowhere in particular, are the foundation of this kind of aristocracy ; all of which is submitted to by cus tom and habit. What if an attempt should be made to build up such a society in a new country ? Where would we begin ? There is no past to hallow and dignify the present; and without a past to draw upon, and anchor to, an aristocracy would be all afloat The past of Puddleford, so far as my researches go, ends in the Pottawatamie Indians a little later in Longbow, Turtle, and Bates. This is the extent of our re sources ; and no one has been yet found, who was willing to go into that kind of business on such a capital. Money, so often the foundation of pretension, is widely diffused, in very small parcels. Historical local incidents there are none. The conquest of the country was by the axe and an indoin- 320 PJDDLEFOE.D AND ITS PEOPLE. itauie spirit. There was no blood nor brimstone used. The pioneer s little family of sinewy children, was the army that entered it, and took possession of the soil. But the people of New-England, I said, were assorted. The man of business, the merchant, the mechanic, was a merchant, a mechanic, in the same place, the same building, perhaps forty years ago and his whole life is one of order and system. lie lives by rule is as fixed in his sphere as the conservative. in his. His income for the future can be calculated from the past. His duties are foreseen and pro vided for. Domestic expenses so much ; support of the Gospel so much ; charity so much ; pleasure so much ; which, deducted from income, balance, so much. Here, again, is the fruit of a fixed society. The creditor of a New-England merchant knows where his customer will be next year at his old post, or dead. How is it in a new country ? Not one resident in ten is permanently located. Every man expects to remove some where else, at some time. Here is no association, no tie, to bind him to the soil. The pioneer is but a passenger, who has stopped over night, as it were, and he holds himself ready to push forward, at the blow of the trumpet. Villages, and even whole townships, change inhabitants in short periods, and other men, with other views and habits, step in and take their places. Where does the merchant creditor find his western customer of last year ? Sold out, perhaps, to Mr. A., and Mr. A. sold to Mr. B., and Mr. B. to Mr. C. Mr. C. pays all arrearages, and Mr. A. and B. are boating on tho Mississippi, or ballooning in some fancy speculation on the north shore of the Oregon. While the great west suffers from a want of the virtues that attend a fixed society, as it undoubtedly does, it does not find itself obliged to contend against its prejudices, CONTRASTS 321 There are no arbitrary lines drawn, based upon mere ideas no venerable fictions in the way. Custom, habit, society, immemorial usage, hang no dead-weights upon the young and ambitious. All start from the same line, the prize is aloft in full view, and he who first reaches it, creates his own precedence. If there is no past to hallow and chasten the people of a new country, no permanent present to hold them to one spot, so in one sense, there is no future. There is no locality that is adorned and beautified for coming years no spot desig nated to become venerable to posterity no tree nursed and protected in memory of him who planted it no ground consecrated for the burial of the dead. Houses are built, localities adorned, trees planted, cemeteries erected, but they who fashioned all this, do not abide with them they are ever on the march, and the stranger takes possession of the memorials they leave behind ; and if posterity should at tempt to collect the works of such an ancestor, it would find them scattered over the circuit of States. We have attempted, in a plain way, to draw a comparison, very briefly to be sure, between a fixed and an un-fixed so- cie^y. Both have their advantages, and their disadvantages. If New-England is slow and methodical, she is strong. She moves in close phalanx upon any public question or duty. The very bonds of habit which pervade all, and all alike, concentrate and intensify her action. Her people act in a mass toward one point. They strike through organiza tions which are gigantic and reverend with age. The Church gathers the energies and means of the benevolent. Public opinion is harmonious about public ends. And this very fixedness of society enables its members to push forward with a unity and strength almost omnipotent. In a new country, as we have seen, action is individual 14* .322 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. and ends are individual. Men are unorganized. He who goes forward with axe in hand to hew his pathway to com petence and respectability, is governed by few relics of the past. He breaks away, in time, ^oo completely, perhaps,) from old associations, some of which were trammels, being the mere result of usage, and some of which he ought to cherish for their intrinsic excellence. He looks forward to a country and people in the future, (some where in the future ; locality is nothing,) and he hurries on, with fury almost, to reach the destination of his dreams. The people of the West are called a, fast people. How can they be otherwise ? Their very necessities drive them. They can not fall back upon any prop ; they can move on ward without limit. It required, half a century ago, the labor of a generation to sweep off the forest, and plant cities and villages but all this is accomplished in half of that time now. Pioneers grow more expanded in their views. The father of the pioneer of to-day, grew into consequence as a heavy landed proprietor, upon a farm .of forty acres his son can ha dly satisfy his ambition with six hundred and that is always for sale (there is no poetry, as we have seen, about a western homestead) and he stands ready to vacate upon- six month s notice and a consideration. This miscellaneous state of society begets a peculiar hos pitality. New-England has been famed for its hospitality, but the kind I mean, is a very different thing. Hospitality in an old country, under the bonds of society, is too formal, too cold, and sometimes a little oppressive. It is not always hospitality; it is, sometimes, the performance of a social duty, according to the rules and regulations prescribed for its observance painful to all parties concerned. It is artificial as hearty, perhaps, as it can be under bonds. The table, in the West, is alw.iys spread, and the roof always WESTERN SOCIETY 323 offers shelter. There is an ease, an abandonment in its exer cise, that is positively beautiful, and can be understood only when felt. A fixed state of society begets feuds, and cherishes old grudges. A quarrel that originated between grandfathers, is often carried down and kept brewing. Families are divid ed from other families for years, and sometimes for gene rations, about matters of no consequence. It is perhaps a point of etiquette, a stinging remark, an accidental or pre meditated slight, a question of dollars and cents, a political or religious difference of opinion, that opened the breach which will not be healed. Thus, bomb-shells are often thrown from one to another, by fathers and children and grand-children, and families kept in an uproar about nothing This society not only cherishes old grudges, but it is nervous and sensitive to the least touch of the present. A morbid pride of wealth, family, position, is ever on the look-out for an attack upon its consequence perhaps to make an on slaught upon others. Here the West has the advantage. There is no one to keep alive old grudges. Not one man in a hundred can tell what his neighbor s father or grand-father was where he flourished or decayed what were his personal piques or social battles. And as for present causes of personal war, they are few it requires something more than a sublimated idea or notion an antiquated figment of the brain 01 present artificiality to warm up the combatants. The practical realities of the West are too great and pressing to give time or disposition to dally with abstractions. Gross outrages a*e quickly met and redressed they are not car ried down on the docket of time for posterity to try, nor nursed in the bosom, from the revengeful pleasure thev afford. 324 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Reader, these are a few of the advantages and disadvanta ges of the two states of eastern and western society not western society, after it becomes rooted and established, as it has in many of the States but during its first ten, perhaps twenty years, in its green state, while the gristle is harden ing into bone. These few suggestions are written in no morbid or carping spirit. They are written with a consciousness of the manly virtues, and solid worth, of New-England, as she is, and always has been. They simply mark points of difference, worked upon men by a change of soil and society points that should be known, whether approved or condemned. What son of New-England does not look back upon her with pride ? What associations throng around him when her name is mentioned ! Her hills, her hearths, her homes, send a thrill through the soul, and make him, for a time, at least, a better man. What armies of scholars have walked forth into the battle of life from her cloisters? How many have been girded and helmeted in her halls ! Where is the spot where her footsteps are not imprinted, her cheering voice heard ? Shall we ever forget her ? What sermons her old homesteads are continually preaching to her children, scattered, as they are, throughout every degree of latitude and longitude, in all positions and avocations ! The cold brooks, where the trout darted the grove where the nuts dropped the blue sublimity of her mountain-tops, where sunlight first broke in the morn, and last died at night the great shadows that slept in her valleys the reveibera- tion of her thunder her " solemn fasts and feasts" her day of Thanksgiving, that united again the broken*fragments of the family circle the inerry voice of Christmas, that rung so cheerily through her halls her graves, that hold all that remains of those wko were giants in religion, liberty, :NFLUENCE OF NEW-ENGLAND. 325 and law, and who u although dead, yet speak" her arts her monuments- her altars, where generations have knelt and passed away are all living eloquence to her child ren, and can never be forgotten, if not always remembered. She is the Mecca to which many a weary pilgrim turns for strength and counsel, in the storm and bustle of life, and her brain, and her capital, and her example, are felt throughout half the globe. Let us not, however, in our veneration for New-England, forget the iron-souled and true-hearted men, who have gone forth from that ancient hive, to make a way in the wilder ness for incoming generation*, whose march is ever upon the ear. They had their mission, too, and nobly have they per formed it. What but Saxon blood, and Saxon spirit, could have accomplished so much ? If it was, and still zs, done roughly, it was all done for time, and will stand it is some thing that will bear looking back upon, and of which no sou of posterity will be ashamed. 320 PUDDLEFOIID AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XXVI. Spring at the West Sugar Days Performances of the Cattle April Advent of the Blue- Jays and the Crows The Blue-birds, Phebes, and Robins April, and its Inspiring Days The Frogs, and their Concerts Gophers, Squirrels, Ants; Swallows, Brown- Threshers, and Blackbirds The Swallows, the Martins, and the Advent of May. SPRING opens in the western wilds with great pomp and beauty. Afte r our winter had passed, accompanied with few out-door amusements, how inspiring were her first foot steps ! February slowly gave way to March, the sun each day rolled higher and higher, and the heavens grew bluer and bluer. Then came the still, clear, cold nights, when the stars flashed like diamonds, and the still, warm day.*, that flooded the lakes and streams. Here and there, a bird would appear one of the more hardy sort a kind of courier, that had been sent out by his fellows, lonely, like the dove from the ark, to spy out the land, and report its condition. These couriers, who I supposed were birds that were with us the preceding year, rummaged around the woods, like a family who had just returned to a long deserted mansion. They flew from tree to tree, eyed the knot-holes, examined every thing, shivered a few nights on a snowy limb, and then hurried back to make their report. The outside birds who were thus represented, and who were so anxious to * come on, were like a press at the theatre, before the hour had arrived to hoist the curtain. These March days, were sugar days. Puddleford waa THE SUGAR-BUSH. 3 J/ of course in confusion ; men, women, and children turned out with kettles and pans, into the bush ; and one would have supposed from the clouds of smoke that rolled over the tops of the trees, that a tribe of gypsies had camped there. The girls, dressed in linsey-woolsey, were boisterous ; the boys, uproarious ; and a whole army of dogs, full of the spirit of the occasion, stormed around, barking at every deer-track, and tore all the rotten logs in pieces. Thtn came a long, warm, still rain and the frogs shouted to each other their melancholy music and the grass and the roots that were soaking in the marshes, sent out their sweetness the bud began to swell on the willow the geese gathered in a procession, with some pompous gander at its head, and marched to the river and the barn-yard fowls climbed up into trees, on top of the sheds and stacks, and cackled, and crowed, and clucked, and chatted together, like so many guests at a party. The cattle congregated, and wandered away off to an open plain, and went through certain exercises, the significance of which was known only to themselves. One old cow of mine whose reputation was good, and whose frosty bones had scarcely moved during the winter, and who was present at this celebration, suddenly wheeled out of the ranks, rolled her tail over her back, put herself on a circuitous canter, cutting as many capers as a French dancing-master, and brought up, at last, with a bellowing blast, that was quite terrific. At a distance stood another of the herd, frothing at the mouth, lashing herself with her tail, and throwing clouds of sand on high, with her fore-feet. Away, in another quarter, were a couple of very thoughtful looking animals, fencing with their horns. Every little while, some good or evil spirit wouM take possession of them, and the whole com- 328 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE, pany would fling their tails aloft, and with, a great noise, go off vn a stampede that made the ground tremble. As April approached, or rather the reflected light from her distant wheels, the voice of the birds changed into a mellower tone. The blue-jay, whose harsh scream had so long grated on my ear, grew softer, and he blew once in a while, one of his spring pipes, (for he is a great imitator, and -has many,) which, after all, sounded rather husky, and winter-like. His heart grew warmer, too. He would sit on a dry tree close to the eaves of my house, and peer through the windows, to see what was going on inside, jump down, and bow himself up on the door-steps, to remind us, in the best way he could, of the sunshine outside. Soon the crows began to sweep solemnly through the air with their caw! caw! They sailed round and round, now lighting on some tree, now on the ground, then away they went into the heavens again. They seemed to be taking a very thorough examination of the premises, making out the lines of occupation, and acquiring a. new possession of the same, for the use of themselves and those they represented. Sometimes a body of them lazily winging their way over my house, and looking down from their height upon rny dimin utive form, would shower upon my head ten thousand CoCs! as if in utter contempt of both me and mine. I occasion ally fired a shot at them, and the only answer I got, was a quick l Ca-Ca / as much as to say : Try it again ! Try it again ! Who cares ! Then came the blue-bird. I threw up my window amid the latter days of March, one sunshiny morning, and there she sat, on a maple, blowing her flute. Banks of snow were scattered here and there, but the ground smelt moist and spring-like. Where did that little piece of melody come from ? Where was she, the day before ? Her song was a BIRDS CLEANING HOUSE. 329 little poem about south-west winds, and violets, and running brooks perhaps she was a preacher, sent out by the daisies to herald their coming perhaps her song was only a prayer for she went round, from place to place, on this tree and that, in her little cathedral, as priests do in theirs, and erected her altar, and made her offering. She had a great deal to say, and a great many persons and things to deliver her message to ; for in a little while she went, rising and falling as though she were riding billows of air, to the roof of my neighbor s house, where she sang the same song again ; and after thus spending an hour or two about the neighborhood, she crossed the river, and dashed into the woods. On the next morning, the blue-bird came again, and brought a phebe with him, and they two* sang a kind of duet for my benefit. Their harmony was perfect for there is no discord in nature. On the following day, at dawn, before the sun arose, I heard the robin rolling off her mellow notes. "I looked out and saw a little flock run ning along on the ground, and picking at the fresh earth, evidently for the purpose of determining its condition. This same flock, I am sure, remained upon my premises during the summer, and had, in fact, possession of them for many years previous. For they appeared every day or two, and grew more and more inquisitive, and examined more closely. A couple finally took possession of this tree, and a couple of that. They commenced cleaning house. They flitted about from limb to limb, balanced themselves on the dry twigs, as if trying their strength and elasticity, ran them selves away down into the joints, and dissected the crotches, picked up and cast away the dead moss and leaves, and made as much bustle and stir as a woman on May-day. As I was watching a couple of them, one day, while they 330 PUbDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. were buny at work, they seemed quite annoyed at my pre sence. They flirted off from the tree to a fence near by, with a mellow cry saying, plainly enough, as they bobbed around, What ! what! * Any- thing-wrong ? Any-thing- wrong ? Please-go-away ha-ha-please-go-away. Some four weeks later, these birds began to build. They went sailing through the air with the timbers of their castle in their mouths. This timber was selected with great care. Straw after straw, and sprig after sprig was picked up and cast away before the right one was found. They remained with me during their stay north, and returned each succeed ing year to the same tree, until the woods all about me were felled, when they deserted me for other quarters. April shone out at last. Away down in the wild mea dows, the co wslipr pushed up its green head into the sunshine, and along the warm hill-sides the wind-flowers were strown. How they came there, I cannot tell. The day before, it was all bleak, and chilly, and flowerless there. They must have been scattered by the morning rays of light. A melting bank of snow frowned down upon them, close by. Soon the shade-tree sent out its blossoms of lilac, and the dog wood burst into a pile of snow. The hard, gray, leafless trees stood up sternly around these first daughters of spring, arrayed in their garments of pomp, and looked, as well as inanimate things can look, jealous and uneasy. All over the aisles of the forest lay enormous trunks of trees, like columns about an unfinished temple, thickly coated with a heavy green moss ; and there was a smell of bark, and swelling twigs, and struggling roots such a smell as only the early spring days give out as though the earth and the forest were just gaping and stretching with a decayed last year s breath, before rousing up to the duties of this. Then the rivulets began to get into tune. The one that WHAT WAS VENISON DREAMING OF? 3^1 ran tumbling through the woods seemed to be in a very great hurry, and shot around its islands of moss and promon tories of tree-roots with great zeal. It had unwound from its reel of light and moisture a green ribbon, that lay along its shores miles arid miles away in the wilderness; and the birds slily bathed themselves in its waters ; and, now and then, a small fish came rushing down with the speed of an arrow, just returning from his winter, quarters to the river, probably to enter his name upon the great piscatorial roll preparatory to summer service. In a basin, just below a little fall of this brook, two or three wood-ducks were ploughing round and round. These wood-ducks are hermits, and secrete themselves in ponds and watery thickets, where silence and shadows prevail. On one of these mornings, ruminating on its banks, sat Venison Styles, his gun resting on the ground, apparently in a pro found study. I looked at the old hunter a long time, and his figure was as fixed and immovable as if he were a part of the landscape, and had grown there like the trees about him. What can the old man be dreaming about? thought I. Perhaps he already hears the approaching footsteps of dancing May, her head crowned with flowers, and the music of the thousand birds that supported her train. It was al ready spring summer in his soul. He was thinking of the sports of the coming year, and the light and pomp of the seasons passed before his imagination, like the gorgeous pictures of a panorama. These April days were inspiring. Occasionally, a bleak squall of rain or snow obscured the sky, and. silenced the music of nature ; but the heavens looked bluer, and the birds sang more lustily, after it passed away. In the latter part of the month the ground became settled, and the frogs to ward evening, and sometimes during the moist, smoky af- 332 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. ternoons, sent up their melancholy wailing from the wide wastes of marsh that stretched themselves through the wood? and along the river banks. Some of these marshes were ten miles long, and two or three broad, and such a concert of voices as congregated there was never equalled by any thing else. I had, and still have, notions of my own about these vocalists. I am sure that they sang under discipline and system that they performed on different kinds of in struments. Some of them seemed to be blowing a flageolet; others drew their bows across their violins ; some played the fife ; while, here and there, might be heard grutn twangs, like the twanging of bass-viol strings. He who listened long and closely might detect delicate vibrations of almost every tone in art or nature. Sometimes their voices sounded like the dying echoes of ten thousand bells, all of a different key, yet the tangled melody was an entanglement of chords and discords, and it rolled away and expired in waves of pure harmony : again, it was like a choir of human voices per forming an anthem. I thought I could hear syllables, too the articulation of words something like a psalm. Then the words and sounds appeared to change, arid, by the aid of the imagination, one would have supposed that the whole community were shouting delivering political harangues or that its members had got on a bust, and were rattling off all kinds of nonsense in a drunken frolic. April brought with it, too, flying showers and warm sun shine. The grass began to wake up, and scent the air with its sweetness. Along the water-courses the willows unfolded their leaves ; the buds swelled in the forests ; and the tree- tops were touched with a light shade of brown, and then a shade of green, which grew deeper and deeper each day. Large flocks of pigeons darkened the air, all moving from south to north, from whence, or to where, I could not tell. THE ANTS, AXD THEIR LABORS. 333 A company would sometimes hold up for an hour or two, to * feed and rest, like a caravan at an oasis ; but they soon took their wings again, and pursued their journey. The tenants of the ground burst their tombs, and came up for duty. The gopher, and squirrel, and the ant went to work. I noticed a large community of ants who had com menced building a city. Their last year s metropolis was destroyed, and they were compelled to begin from the foun dation, and such a stir and bustle was never exceeded. Hun dreds of laborers were in the work up to their eyes. Here was one fellow with a grain of sand in his mouth a rock to him, I suppose climbing over twigs and dead grass, standing sometimes perpendicular with his load, and not un- frequently falling over backwards, yet struggling awny, sur mounting all obstacles, until he finally reached the place of deposit. Then there was a class of miners who shot up from their holes, dropped their speck of dirt, wheeled, and shot back again. Trains of them were continually ascending and descending. There was still another class blooded cha racters, most likely possibly overseers who did not do any work, but ran around from point to point, as if in specting the rest, and giving to them directions. Once in a while a couple of workmen would run a-foul of each other, and get into a quarrel a clinch a fight and the tus sle lasted until they were parted. This colony, I will say, erected a large mound of earth in a very few weeks gi gantic to them as an Egyptian pyramid is to us in which they lived and labored during the season. Finally, the swallows, and brown threshers, and blackbirds, and martins came not all in a body, but straggling along. The blackbirds appeared first, and might be seen flying about from tree to tree, and fence to fence, near by the up turned furrows that the ploughman had left behind him. 334 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Such * saucy troop of pirates as they were ! Flocks of them sat about in the oaks, showering a host of epithets upon the said ploughman ; then a dozen or more darted down, stag gered over the ground, picked if]p a worm, and dashed away into the oaks again. They scolded, and fretted, and coaxed, and threatened, and nettled about like a belle of sixteen. Some of them were dressed in a suit of glossy black, with a neck-cloth of shifting green ; others wore red epaulettes on their wings, and a flock of them, darting through the air, had the appearance of brai-Jed streams of fire, or interlaced rainbows. Toward evening, they all went down among the alders and willows by the river, and had a long chat among themselves. They bowed, and twitched, and stretched down one wing, and then the other ; lit upon the little twigs, and see-sawed as they sung, and did many other things. They were evidently erecting themselves into some kind of a go vernment for the year holding a caucus perhaps an elec tion deposing an old monarch, or elevating .a new ; for it was easy to hear them say what they would do, and what they wouldn t that is, easy for one who has studied the blackbird language and sometimes an awful threat might be detected, mixed with a great many wheedling words and gracious postures. The brown-threshers came next, and they were just as full of chatter and life as they were the year before. Birds never grow old, it seems to me, nor have I ever been able to determine when or where they die. The hunter kills but a very few, and those few of a certain kind. What becomes of the rest ? They breed every spring in great numbers ; but how, when, and where do they die ? We do not find dead birds in the woods ; at any rate, very few. Yes, the brown-threshers were as young as ever. They looked very shabby and mussed when I last saw them in the fall ; but MAT. S35 now their brown clothes shone as cleanly as a Quaker-girl s shawl. They took up Nature s music-book, and rattled off all the songs, and glees, and anthems in it very eften making a medley of it, mixing the notes of the birds that were chant ing around all together and they often closed the perform ance with an original strain of their own, composed on the %pot. When the swallows and the martins came, I knew that spring was fully established. They appeared suddenly dur ing the night ; for when the May sun arose, they were twit tering and wheeling through the air, shooting up and plung ing down in a kind of delicious rapture. Their music was set on the staff of blue skies, south-west winds, and flowers. There was not a note of winter in it. The woods, and streams, and fields seemed to have been waiting for their melody, for all nature went to work, and was soon clad in beauty, and light, and song. 336 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CHAPTER XXVII. A Railroad through Puddleford Effect on Squire Longbow Bright Prospects of Puddleford Change The Styleses The New Justice Aunt Sonora s Opinions Ike Turtle Grows too Ven ison Disappears from among Men His Grave, and his Epitaph. READER, I have written for you the history of a year s residence at Puddleford. But the place is changed now very much changed. It is not what it used to be its peo ple, its habits are very different. This change was the result of a variety of causes. The first thing that happened to it a startling event it was a railroad was built plump through its heart. It was a road running a great distance, and it took Puddleford in its way, merely because it happened to fall in its line. I shall never forget Squire Longbow s fren zied excitement the first time the locomotive came puffing and whistling in. lie actually lost his dignity for the mo ment. He ran and wheezed after the steam-horse, like a madman, lost his green eye-shade, and committed a very serious breach in the rear part of his pantaloons. He did not venture very near the machine at first, but sheltered himself behind a tree, where he could watch its panting and spitting without danger. I recollect how pompously the Squire talked on this occa sion. He said all nater couldn t stop Puddleford having ten thousand inhabitants fore nother census she d be one . of the #-poriurns (emporiums) of the west it was nothing on airth that made Greece and Rome, but these great etarnal improvements and as he was a kind of oracle among a THE RAILROAD, AND WHAT FOLLOWED IT. 33 large class, he infused a spirit of consequence and import ance into those around him, that was quite ludicrous. Ike Turtle, Sile Bates, the Beagles, and Swipes, and many others, actually mounted their Sunday-clothes, and wore them every day but whether Ike himself was in fun or earnest, no person could tell. The building of this road was the cause of a great change certainly ; yet it changed not the population iteelf, but sub stituted another in its stead. It brought in a class of per sons who had money, and money is omnipotent every where. It brought different habits, thoughts, and feelings. The 4 Styles family first purchased a large farm near the village. There was an air about them that fairly awed the Puddle- fordians. They were petted, run after, imitated. One could hear nothing but Young Mr. Styles, Old Mr. Styles, The elderly Mrs. Styles, Miss Arabella Styles, Miss Florinda Styles. Miss Florinda and Arabella wore fiaring under clothes in those days, and this fashion fairly upset the heads of the Puddleford ladies ; and in less than a month I could not identify half the women of the place. Their shrunken forms stuffed with skirts, were about the shape of little pyramids. Purchases of farms and village property went on, year after year, until nearly every true Puddlefordian was ousted. The place has now, like the snake, cast its skin ; and the old pioneers, they who hewed down the forest, and bore the heat and burden of the day, are living around the outskirts of the village, with hardly a competence, or have emigrated to wilds still farther west. Squire Longbow, however, still holds his own. He still lives on the old spot is just as wise and happy as ever. Time has not affected his intellect, or impaired his self-con sequence. He is no longer justice of the peace, but in his 15 338 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. * place we have a pert, dapper, little fellow, who wears a large ring on his little finger, and gives very scholastic opinions. The Squire professes to hold him in contempt, and says he runs agin the staterts and common-law mor n half the time that he do n t know a fiery factus from a common execution that he never looks inter the undying Story for thority, but goes on squashing papers, right strait agin the constitution and the etarnal rights of man. Aunt Sonora was dissatisfied, too, with the revolution in society. She told me the last time I saw her, that Puddle- ford was made up of a hull passel of flip-er-ter-^ 6-its, and she could n t see what in created natur the place was a- comin to she never seed such works in all her born cays, that the men wore broadcloth, and the women silks, and flar d and spread about like peacocks. Nobody does nuthin , said she. The dear massy! They are getting so hoity- toity ! I do wonder who pays ! Ike Turtle is about the only person who has grown with the place. There was no slich thing as keeping him under. He is just as humorous as ever, but a little more polished. Ike says it wo n t do to let his natur out as he used to, when the bushes were thick, and Squire Longbow was gov- ner that he feels himself almost a-bustin with one of his speeches, sometimes; but the folks would n t understand, him, if he made it and as for law, he d gin it all up it had got to be so nice and genteel an article, there war n t a grain of justis in it every thing was peal d up, and peal d up, until both parties themselves were peal d to death. Ike has turned his attention to land and saw-rnills, and is getting rich. Poor Venison Styles ! Dear old hunter ! Venison is dead, and his children are scattered in the wilderness. He was found, one May morning, stretched out under a large maple, GRAVE OF VENISON STYLES. 33^7 his dog and gun by his side, stiff and cold. The brown threshers and blue-birds were pinging merrily above him, and the squirrels were chattering their nonsense in the dis tance. His dog lay with his nose near his master s face, his fore-paw upon his shoulder. How he died, no one could tell. He is buried on a bluff that overlooks the river, and I have fenced his grave and erected a stone over his remains, with this inscription Nature loved him, if man did not. 340 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. CONCLUSION. The Philosophy of Puddleford Diverse Elements in Pioneer Life Longbow, and his Administration Not Expensive Two Hun dred a Year, All Told What would Chief Justice Marshall have Done as Justice at Puddleford ? Longbow a Great Man Fame and Politics Ike, a Wheel Puddleford Theology Camp-Meet ings Who do Bigelow s Work Better than Bigelow ? Great Happiness, and Few Nerves No Society No Fashion in Clothes, or Any Thing Else Bull s-Eye and Pinchbeck The Great Trade did n t Come Off Abounding Charity and Hospi tality Pilgrim Blood Longbow s Planting the Mud- Sills Old Associations, how Controlling ! Good-Bye, Reader. READER, I cannot dismiss Puddleford, without adding a Chapter in conclusion. The pictures I have drawn, suggest to me something more. There is a philosophy that under lies the dignity of Longbow, the humor of Turtle, the rough sincerity of Aunt Sonora, the stormy and eccentric eloquence of Bigelow. Do you not think so ? Puddleford was like a thousand other new settlements. It had its green state to pass through and Puddleford s pioneers were like other pioneers rough, honest, hardy, strong in common-sense, but weak in the books. It was not a perfect organization, packed beforehand, with men fitted to all the stations of life, like Hooker and his band. But one pioneer came after another and notions, creeds, and prejudices, were all tumbled in together. Puddleford prospered, nevertheless. Every man was right upon the question of civil and religious liberty. Each person brought this law with him, written on his soui ; and, however SQUIfcE LONGBOW, AGAIN 211 clumsily he might give it expression, the law was there, and he could not rid himself of it any more than he could throw off his nature. If Longbow administered the details of jurisprudence awkwardly, Longbow was, after all, right in leading principles. If Longbow at times trampled down technicalities, the community, on the average, did not suffer. If Longbow even made a little law now and then, to fill a gap, it was well made, and the gap well filled. Longbow might as well have attempted to shave an elephant with a razor as to manage the raw recruits of early Puddleford with subtle distinctions ; and, besides, Longbow, as the reader has discovered, had no knowledge of that kind of instrument, nor was it necessary that he should have. Longbow s legal rules necessarily ran on a sliding-scale, and he fitted them to the case in hand, not to cases in general. The reader sees, then, a necessity for such men as Long bow in such a community. If it is impossible to find a man capable of preparing a technical set of legal papers, it is im portant to find a man who is incapable or unwilling to break them down. No man ever slipped through Longbow s fin gers upon a mere technicality. Again, Longbow s judicial duties were not expensive. An expensive judicial tribunal would have ruined Puddleford outright. Puddleford was not only obliged to use such tim ber as it had for public men, but the timber must also be cheap. Longbow was no mahogany judge, polished and wrought into scrolls, though there were a great many lines and angles about him. He was a plain piece of green-ash, strong, yet elastic enough to bend when justice demanded. He was not an expensive article, and therefore the interest the public paid upon him was small. He would sit all day, amid the war and tumult of contending litigants, and breast the storm of insult that was heaped upon him. from the 342 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. right and the left, for four shillings and sixpence. I do not mean to say that he lacked self-respect no man respected himself more but be had, somehow or somewbere, im bibed the idea that pettifoggers were entitled to great lati tude of speech, and that he was paid for listening to them. I have seen the Squire many a time passing through one of these conflicts, when his name was used very irreverently, holding as solemn a face as that worn by a marble statue of Solon. Longbow s annual income amounted to about two hundred dollars a year, and this Puddleford could stand. But he had many duties to perform outside of his office of magis trate, to insure him this amount. As I have said elsewhere, he was the grand Puddleford umpire, and, I am very certain, settled more difficulties as a man than a magistrate. School and highway districts and officers often got twisted in a snarl, and Longbow unravelled the knot right or wrong it matters not, he put a finish to the matter ; and, whether right or wrong, reader, what difference did it make so long- as no one else knew it, and every body had confidence ? If confidence will sustain a bank, ought not confidence to sus tain Squire Longbow ? And then A. s pigs broke into B. s garden A. s line-fence stood three feet on B. s land. A. swore there was a legal, lawful highway across B. s land ; B. swore it was no such thing, and he would shoot the first man who crossed it. A. called B. a thief, and B. called A. another. A. agreed to break up for B., but never did, because B. refused to clear his land. A. and B. exchanged horses ; A. s horse had the heaves, and B. s was spavined ; and so on, trouble after trouble, how often and many in kind I cannot say, Squire Longbow has brought to a compromise. These were extra- WHAT IS GREATNESS ? 343 judicial services, and the two hundred dollars a year covered all. If it had been possible to place Chief Justice Marshall, or even a finished city lawyer, in the seat of Squire Longbow how "signally he must have failed ! He would have been ut terly incompetent to the task, and would have burned his books, and fled from the settlement under cover of night. Confusion is often the best manager of confusion. A clean, clear, analytical mind might have flashed now and then, but it could never have governed the storm. While our finished lawyer was playing about a refined distinction, Longbow would bury all distinctions ten fathoms deep, and end all controversy by repeating some old saying, and dismiss tho whole matter as summarily as the adjournment of a cause. Longbow was not only a good man, a cheap man, but he was a great man. Greatness is relative, not absolute. I hope my friends do not intend to dispute the truth of this proposition ; because I have the documents to prove it, when officially called upon to do so. Great men are like figures on a thermometer some thermometers, it is true, are much longer, and contain a great many more figures than others. The only question any ambitious man cares to ask is, how many figures there are on the scale above his. The Puddle- ford thermometer was very short, dear reader, and Longbow s figure was the highest. Is not this fame ? Puddleford fame, say you ? Puddleford fame, indeed ! It will outlast, I will wager my old hat, the fame of nine tenths of the members of Congress, who have for the last ten years blown them selves hoarse making speeches to their outraged and indig nant constituency. Why, Longbow s name will be remem bered in Puddleford years after his death ; and how many names can you repeat of those who strutted through the last Congress, or how many of the members for your own district 344 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. for the mst thirty years ? Fame, indeed ! But I do not wish to quarrel about so fleeting a thing as fame, and I will, there fore, dismiss that subject. The politics of Puddleford were a little ridiculous ; but Turtle s political fun was used by him as a means to carry out an end. Turtle s patriotism and Turtle s principles were beyond suspicion. Reader, there is no spot of American soil more truly patriotic than Puddleford. There are no great depositories no central heart in this country, from which American principles flow ; every man is a centre * a law unto himself. Ike Turtle was a centre. He was a kind of political wheel ; ran on his own axis ; borrowed no propel ling power from abroad, but kept himself whirling with the spirit of 70, of which he had always a large supply on hand. He reminded me of a fire-wheel, used on celebration days, he cast off so many colored lights ; now he whizzed ; then he banged ; now he shot forth stars ; then spears of flame ; but he was still a wheel, and always set himself in motion to some purpose. What shall I say of the theology of Puddleford ? I have already alluded to it in the pages of this work. Permit me to say more. Creeds travel with men wherever they go. Creeds often colonize the wilderness ; they have nerved more hearts, stirred and sustained more souls, scattered more civi lization, than any or all other agents. But Puddleford was not settled by any particular idea, civil or religious ; yet the Puddlefordians brought with them a great many ideas, both civil and religious. They were, however, incidental, not pri mary. The religious exercises of the country were like its people, ardent, strong, fiery, and often tempestuous. Bige- low Van Slyck was an embodiment of Puddleford theology. He did not argue doctrine, for two reasons : he did not know how, and he would not if he could ; but, to use his PUDDLEFORD RELIGION. 34 5 own language, he took sin by the horns, and held it by main force. A quiet religion with a Puddlefordian was synonomous with no religion. Religion with him was something to be seen, to touch, to handle. Puddleford religion was often very noisy, and it manifested itself in many ways. We used to have an outburst at camp-meeting, which was held once in each year by the prevailing sect in the country. A camp- meeting ! The reader has attended a camp-meeting, I know ; but we had the genuine kind. Puddleford was depopulated on such occasions; and its inhabitants, supplied with the ne cessaries of life and a tent, went forth into the wilderness to give a high tone to their piety. They wanted air, and space, and time. All this was characteristic, and was like the peo ple. What would they have done inside a temple of spring- ing arches and fretted dome of statues, looking coldly down from their niches of pictured saints where organ anthems rolled and trembled ? What to them were the re finements of religious exercises ? The wild wood was their temple not made with hands, columned, and curtained, and festooned, and lit up by the sun at day, and the stars at night ; and here, in this temple, day after day, the people camped ; in the more immediate presence of the Most High built their watch-fires, that sent up long streams of smoke over the green canopy that sheltered them, and knelt down to pray. The theology of Puddleford was brought out in strong re lief at these meetings. They were business gatherings. The trials and crosses of every member were freely canvassed, and consolation administered. The inner life of each individ ual was thoroughly dissected the spiritual condition of the vineyard in general carefully examined ; sermons preached strong enough, both in voice and expression, to raise the 15* 346 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. dead ; money was collected for benevolent purpose*, *iid many more duties performed, which I cannot stop to men tion. The reader sees that these men and women were laying the foundation-timbers of many sects that must follow them follow them with their houses of worship, their intelli gence, their refinement, and, I may say, their theological ab stractions, their shadows, and shades, and points of distinc tion. "Who is there that could do Bigelow s work better than he ? Who is there that will ever toil and sweat more hours in his Master s vineyard ? And to whom will the pos terity of Puddleford be more indebted ? But, to drop the leading characters of Puddleford, let us go down a while among the rank and file; let us examine their condition. And here I may get into trouble. Com parisons are said to be odious. I do not know who said it, nor do I care ; the motive which one has in view must de termine the truth of the remark. There was a vast deal of happiness in Puddleford. I do not now remember one ner vous woman in the place. Think of that. If refinement brings its joys, it often covers a delicate, sensitive nature ; but there was nobody delicate or sensitive at Puddleford ; nobody went into fits because a rat crossed the floor, or a spider swung itself down in their way. The evening air was never too damp, nor the morning sun too oppressive. Labor made the people hardy, and an over-taxed brain hatched no bugbears. I verily believe the nightmare was never known. There were no persons tired of time not that they Iflad so much to do but they were all contented with time and things as they were. You have discovered that there was no society in Puddle- ford ; and when I say SOCIETY, I do not mean that there was no social intercourse, but society organized and governed OTHER BLESSINGS. 347 by rules and regulations. Here was another blessing. Aunt Sonora never got into hysterics because Mrs. Beagles had not called on her for three weeks. Aunt Sonora would say, that Mrs. Beagles might stay to hum as long as she was a. min-ter. Aunt Sonora never worked herself up into a frus tration because her gingerbread did n t rise when Squire Longbow took tea with her; but she just told the Squire, he d got-ter go it heavy, or go without. And then Aunt Sonora was under no obligation to make fashionable calls ; she was not a fashionable lady ; there was no fashion to call on. She did not go around and throw in a little very cold respect into her neighbor s parlor, because there were no parlors in Puddleford, and Aunt Sonora could n t for the life of her do a formal thing if there had been. If she wanted to blow out agin any one, to use her language, why, she blew out, and in their faces, too, because the rules of her so ciety had not taught her hypocrisy. There was another blessing : Puddlefordians were not continually tempted to covet some new thing of their neigh bors. A new bonnet now and then raised a breeze ; but no one was under any obligation to purchase a similar one. In other words, the laws of society did not dictate what one should wear. Aunt Sonora had worn her old plaid cloak for twenty years, and yet remained in society. Mrs. Bea gles Leghorn, which looked something like a corn-fan, and came into the country with her, was orthodox. Turtle had a pair of breeches, old enough in all conscience, the legs cut off above the knees, and turned, as he said, * hind side afore, to hide the holes in front, which pettifogged as well as when they were new. Squire Longbow wore the same clouded- blue stockings that he did when first elected magistrate ; but Mrs. Longbow had ravelled them up several times, and footed them over. I dislike, reader, to go into particulars, 348 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. and thus expose the wardrobe of the Puddlefordians, bat I cannot express myself clearly on so important a point in any other way ; and I promised at the commencement of this sketch to make it philosophical. I do not know how the reader will look on the blessings O which I have just enumerated. He may be a leader of fash ion ; the shade and tie of his neck-cloth may be as weighty and important a matter with him as his reputation. He may be one of those who religiously believe that a man, at a party, without a white vest, is no gentleman, and ought forth with to be kicked, in a genteel way, headlong into the street. He may think it vulgar to laugh, and that no smile but a fashionable smile should be tolerated. He may, I say and may think me an . But jijst pause a moment. I am only writing the history of Puddleford, my friend ; and, besides, just sit down coolly, and think of the luxury there must be in sojourning at a place where one can wear his old clothes year in and year out, preserve public respect, and cut and turn his breeches at that ! The household furniture of the Puddlefordians was always in fashion : in fact, there was a remarkable uniformity in this respect in all the cabins in the settlement. The white- wood table, wooden chairs, the dozen cups and saucers, the cook-stove and its furniture, bed and bedding, comprised the stock of nearly every family. Turtle often said that the peo ple did n t have as much furniter as the law allow d em, and the State had got-ter make it up. It is discovered that this equality was productive of beneficial results. It was not possible for one Puddlefordian to envy another Puddleford- iari. There was no fancy hundred-dollar rocking-chair ex hibited to throw any one into spasms ; there were no pianos bewitching the souls and purses of the community. (Reader, / have no spite against pianos.) Why, in short, there was ALMOST A BARGAIN 349 not any thing there that was not there when the pioneers first planted themselves on the soil. I recollect that Sile Bates owned a pinch-beck watch, and Squire Longbow was the proprietor of a bull s-eye, and they were both wonders. The Squire and Sile once attempted an exchange of these articles, and the transaction was so momentous that all Pud- dleford was kept in excitement for three weeks. The bar gain was as important and solemn as a treaty between two high contracting powers. There was one point in the trade that was positively exciting. Sile had offered five dollars to boot, payable in saw-logs, (no person paid money at Puddle- ford, unless by special agreement, fore witness, ) and here the parties hung fire for several days. Turtle said, the Squire orter to strike ; Beagles said, 4 he d get skin d if he did ; Bulliphart said, the pinch-beck was worn out; Aunt So- nora said, her husband telPd her, that a man tell d him, that he know d Longbow s bull s-eye forty years afore, and it could scase tick then ; and much more was said ; but, alas ! the trade, to use Ike s language, 4 fizzled out, and Pud- dleford settled down again into its usual tranquillity. The philosophy of this attempted bargain is clear enough. There was nothing in Puddleford to excite envy. What there was, was old ; no new thing was thrown in to tanta lize. Longbow, it is true, once ventured upon a carpet, but, as he was a magistrate, the enterprise was deemed very pro per. Do you not agree with me, that Puddleford had its blessings ? Does not poverty often bring healing on its wings ? How many are there in the world that would gladly flee from the chains of society, even to Puddleford, willing to fling themselves in some just such by-place of the world, where they could sit down perfectly independent, and take their own ease in their own inn ? How many, reader? I must not forget the charity of the Puddlefordians. Cha 350 PUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. rity and hospitality are distinguishing characteristics of west ern people. However violent feuds might rage, suffering and want were relieved, so far as there was an ability to do it. I have seen another kind of charity, a fashionable article, used according to the laws of etiquette, and not according to the laws of heartfelt sympathy. I do not know that any person was ever neglected in Puddleford because he or she did not be long to a particular church. Mrs. A. never refused to assist Mrs. B. in sickness, because she and Mrs. B. did not visit, or because she did not know Mrs. B. (That word, do n t know? in finished society, simply means, reader, that the person holds no intercourse.) But every body did know every body in Puddleford ; and when one of the number was stricken down by affliction, the remainder all turned in, and put their shoulders to the wheel. Why, bless you, reader, you ought to witness an eruption of Puddleford sympathy. You ought to see Aunt Sonora, with her apron loaded with bone- set, sage, and a pail filled with gruel, hurrying along * for dear life, to relieve the distressed Mrs. Swipes, with a lit tle mustard, or a bit of jel; Mrs. Beagles, Aunt Graves, and Sister Abigail, with something else. Is not this some thing ? I must, however, draw my Conclusion to a close. Per mit me to do it gradually, as I have a word or two more to say, and I may never have another opportunity. The reader has, by this time, become quite intimate with the leading characters of Puddleford, and says, perhaps, A queer com pound. But do you know, reader, that Longbow, and Tur tle, and I do not know how many more, trace their blood directly back to the Pilgrims ? It is as true as fate. And how they have become so metamorphosed is the question. Puddleford stock was, much of it, Puritan stock. Those old stalwart heroes, whose hearts were a living coal ; whose wills, PILGRIM BLOOD ON A PILGRIMAGE. 351 granite ; whose home, Heaven ; who walked by faith, not by sight ; before whose eyes moved the cloud by day, and pillar of fire by night ; who heard voices all around them, such as haunted John on the Isle of Patmos, are the proge nitors of Longbow and Turtle. What a country is this of ours, to have worked such results ! But I learned, upon inquiry, that Longbow s blood had experienced a very serious pilgrimage since its departure from its New-England head. It had been mixed with Irish, and Scotch, and English, and German. In reality, the Squire was a kind of compound of all nation?, as most Americans are. If it were possible to introduce Captain Standish, the military hero of 1620, or Bradford, or Winslow, to Squire Longbow, they would look as wildly at him as the boys did at poor Rip Van Winkle after his long sleep on the mount ain. I am sure they would not be able to detect any resem blance to the Mayflower. They would find the Squire a little the worse for wear ignorant in spiritual matters discover that his psalm-book was lost, and he as blind as a beetle in the New-England Catechism. But, after all, if they probed him deep, they would strike much, very much, of the old stuff, living and burning yet. The Squire s Pilgrim-blood, too, had filled nearly all occu pations in life. It had been a sailor the master of a ves sel a merchant fought in the Revolution a preacher once, and once a lawyer. These facts I procured from the Squire, for my special use, and they may be relied upon and now that same blood was doing service at Puddleford as a magistrate. Whether blood changes occupation, or oc cupation blood, is a physiological question that I do not in tend to debate. But that one can be surprised at any exhi bition of American character, after looking into the crosses and counter-crosses o c blood, is marvellous. 352 FUDDLEFORD AND ITS PEOPLE. Here is a sample of Puddleford blood, and such is the blood of many western pioneers. How much the world is indebted to the pioneer ! He lays the foundation, let build who may. I regret the necessity of perpetrating a ridiculous figure, but I cannot help it : he plants deep the mud- sills of empire, amid toil, and sweat, and groans, pover ty and disease. The superstructure is always reared by other hands. The columns and capitals are the product of wealth and taste. How few of them reap the harvest, their cabins, now standing deserted and silent, and strewn thou sands of miles over the west and north-west, abundantly testify. The pioneer severs all connection between himself and the past when he enters upon his work. I have already remarked that Puddleford had no past. He breaks all local ties, and snaps in twain the golden threads that link him to his home. The caravan that winds away from the old hearth-stone, where the first kiss was imprinted, the first prayer offered, where the winter-cricket sang as the tempest roared without, and devotes itself to a wilderness, leaves behind what can never be found again. The bare-footed striplings who gam bol with it the immortal seed to be sown, and to sow from whose loins giants in thought, word, and action, will spring may forget, and themselves become new centres of new associations but men and women never. What constitutes a man ? a nation ? Inhabitat ts only ? The songs of a people stir them up to revolution and what are they but the glowing language of the associations of the soul? What is Bannockburn to a savage? A plain, ovei which the winds blow and the thistles gather. What to a Scotchman ? A living, breathing host ! What to the pio neer is the memory of that church-steeple, that flung its long shadow over his boyhood, around whose vane the swallows FAREWELL 353 whirled, and the evening sun lingered ? that bell that swung high therein ? the torrent that roared through his early years, and wove its music into his very being ? the lone cliff, where the cloud slept and the eagle rested ? These all are a part of the man himself; and when he is torn from them, his very nature receives a shock, and he has lost, he hardly knows how or where, a portion of his very existence. Reader, you and I must part. How I ever happened to write the history of Puddleford is more than I can say. I have more than once been frightened at my impudence. In all probability you will never hear of me again in print and, before we separate, reach me your hand (if it is a lady s, it is all the better) Good-by to you, my friend ; and if you should stray into Puddleford, I will set apart an hour, and give you an introduction to Squire Longbow an honor to which, I am very sure, you cannot be insensible 01 indifferent. THE END v.ii\v*v-ri-A-M iv/i^ 202 Main Library LOAN PERIOD 1 HOME USE 2 3 4 5 6 ALL BOOKS MAY BE RECALLED AFTER 7 DAYS 1 -month loans may be renewed by calling 642-3405 6-month loans may be recharged by bringing books to Circulation Desk Renewals and recharges may be made 4 days prior to due date \ DUE AS STAMPED BELOW lilt f\ A 4<VXO JUL 2 4 1982 JUN24 m UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELE > FORM NO. DD6, 60m, 12/80 BERKELEY, CA 94720 THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY