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 THE WHITEFRIARS LIBRARY 
 OF WIT AND HUMOUR. 
 
 Edited by W. H. DAVENPORT ADAMS. 
 
 " Quid verum atque decens euro et rogo, et omnts in hoc sum." 
 
 Horace. 
 
 " We shall spare no pains to make instruction agreeable to our readers 
 
 and their diversion useful. For which reasons we shall endeavour to 
 
 enliven morality with wit, and to temper wit with morality that our 
 
 readers may, if possible^ both ways find their account in the speculation 
 
 of the day.^^ 
 
 Addison (adapted). 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive j 
 
 in 2007 with funding from ^ | 
 
 Microsoft Corporation I 
 
 1 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/bookofburlesquesOOadannrich 
 
BOOK OF BURLESQUE 
 
 &feett|)e0 
 
 OF 
 
 ENGLISH STAGE TRAVESTIE 
 AND PARODY 
 
 BY 
 
 WILLIAM DAVENPORT ADAMS 
 
 Author of " A Dictionary of English Literature" ^^ Rambles in Book-Land" 
 
 etc.. etc. 
 
 WITH PORTRAITS OF F. C. BURNAND, W. S. GILBERT^ 
 AND G. R. SIMS 
 
 LONDON 
 
 HENRY AND CO., BOUVERIE STREET, E.G. 
 
 1891 
 
^he SEkiUfmr^ pbrarg xrf Wiii 
 
 Vol. I. 
 ESS A VS IN LITTLE. By Andrew Lang. 
 [Seventh Thousand. 
 
 Vol. II. 
 SAWN OFF: A Tale of a Family Tree. 
 By G. MANVILLE FeNN. [Fourth Thousand. 
 
 Vol. III. 
 A LITTLE IRISH GIRL. By the Author 
 of " Molly Bawn." [Ready ^ 
 
 Vol. IV. 
 THREE WEEKS AT MOPETOWN. 
 
 By PERCY FITZGERALD. [Ready. 
 
 Vol. V. 
 A BOOK OF B URL ESQ UE. By William 
 Davenport Adams. [Ready. 
 
 Vol. VI. 
 IN A CANADIAN CANOE. By Barry 
 '! ;C?.*E. PAIN?, B X.J ^ ^' { [ [July. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 IN the pages that follow, I make no attempt to supply 
 a consecutive and comprehensive history of English 
 stage travestie. This would have been impossible within 
 the limits assigned to me. My object has been simply 
 to furnish an introduction to such a history, supplemented 
 by sketches of the various groups into which English stage 
 burlesques naturally fall, with such extracts as might serve 
 to exhibit the respective methods of individual travestie- 
 writers. My business has been with the literary rather 
 than the histrionic side of burlesque — with the witty and 
 humorous, rather than the purely theatrical, features of 
 the subject with which I had to deal. At the same 
 time, I hope that the details I have been able to give 
 concerning dates, and "casts,'' and so on, may be useful 
 to at least a large section of my readers. 
 
 I ought to say that, while I have endeavoured to 
 mention all the most representative burlesques of which 
 our stage history keeps record, I have intentionally left 
 outside of my scheme all " extravaganzas," " bouffoneries 
 musicales," and other such miscellaneous varieties of /:omic 
 
 43357S 
 
vi PREFACE. 
 
 literature, — confining myself to definite and deliberate 
 travesties of subjects previously existent. 
 
 I have to thank more than one kind friend for informa- 
 tion and material supplied, and more than one living writer 
 of burlesque for the opportunity of consulting his ** prompt 
 books '' and thus quoting from unpublished work. 
 
 Davenport Adams, jun. 
 
 Note. — Those who desire to extend their acquaintance with the 
 literature of English stage burlesque may be recommended to 
 turn first to the travesties published by Mr. French, which include 
 those by Planche, and many by the Broughs, H. J. Byron, 
 Talfourd, F. C. Burnand, etc. Mr. Gilbert's * * Rosencrantz and 
 Guildenstern " is to be found in his volume entitled **Foggerty's 
 Fairy, and Other Stories." A large proportion of the burlesques 
 discussed, quoted, or mentioned in the following chapters are out 
 of print, and to be seen only at the British Museum, on the second- 
 hand bookstalls, or on the shelves of private collectors. 
 
 \_We beg to acknowledge the courtesy of MM, WaUry^ Limited^ in 
 permitting us to avail otirselves of their photographs of Messrs. Burnand 
 and Gilbert ; and of Mr. Bassano for the same perjuission in regard to 
 that of Mr. G. R. Sims.—Y.T>. IV. Z.] 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 I. THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE 
 
 II. THE ** PALMY'' DAYS . 
 
 III. "CLASSICAL" BURLESQUE . 
 
 IV. BURLESQUE OF FA£rIE . 
 V. BURLESQUE OF HISTORY 
 
 VI. BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE 
 
 VII. BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA . 
 
 VIII. BURLESQUE OF OPERA . 
 
 IX. BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG 
 
 X. THE NEW BURLESQUE / . 
 
 PAGE 
 
 I 
 
 33 
 
 44 
 
 72 
 
 99 
 121 
 146 
 174 
 193 
 207 
 
A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 I. 
 
 THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 WHO shall say when the spirit of burlesque first made 
 its appearance on our stage ? There were traces 
 of it, we may be sure, in the Mysteries and Moralities 
 of pre-Elizabethan days ; the monkish dramatists were not 
 devoid of humour, and the first lay playwrights had a rough 
 sense of ridicule. The " Vice " which figured in so many of 
 our rude old dramas had in him an element of satire, and 
 the pictures drawn of his Satanic Majesty were conscious 
 or unconscious caricatures of the popular conception of the 
 Evil One. 
 
 In • all these cases, however, the burlesque was general. 
 It was of the nature of travestie, and of the vaguest sort. 
 Of particular parody one finds but few signs in the 
 Elizabethan drama. There is a little of it in Shakespeare, 
 where he pokes fun at the turgidity of contemporary tragedy 
 or at the obscurity of contemporary Euphuism. The 
 Py ramus and Thisbe episode is less burlesque than satire. 
 It is an expose of the absurdities of the amateur performer, 
 
 w. L.-V. T 
 
r;? : :/{ r;f ;-«/:^r book- of burlesque, 
 
 for whom Shakespeare, as a professional actor, could have 
 only an amused contempt. 
 
 " The Bard " parodied, but he did not burlesque. That 
 was left to the initiative of the gifted literary Dioscuri, 
 Beaumont and Fletcher. "The Knight of the Burning 
 Pestle," which saw the light in i6i i, is not wholly a travestie, 
 but it contains a travestie within itself In the main it is 
 a dramatic exposition of a love story, the scene of which is 
 laid in the middle-class life of the time. Ralph, the Knight 
 of the Burning Pestle, is by no means the hero of the tale ; 
 rather is he an excrescence upon it. A grocer and his wife 
 sit on the stage^ and suggest to the actors that Ralph, their 
 apprentice, shall take part in the performance. They want 
 a play in which a grocer shall do " admirable things," and 
 Ralph is bound to do them. The apprentice, it would seem, 
 is an amateur actor — he " hath played before," and so finds 
 no difficulty in adapting himself to the situation. When he 
 enters, it is " Hke a grocer in his shop, with two prentices, 
 reading ' Palmerin of England.' " This gives us the key to 
 the satire. Ralph is to burlesque the romances of chivalry, 
 which were then so common in England, as elsewhere. 
 " Palmerin of England " had been " translated out of French " 
 by Anthony Munday and assistants, and published between 
 1580 and 1602. Ralph starts with a quotation from it, and 
 then goes on to say : — 
 
 Certainly those knights are much to be commended who, neglecting 
 their possessions, wander with a squire and a dwarf through the deserts 
 to relieve poor ladies. . . . There are no such courteous and fair well- 
 spoken knights in this age. 
 
 He whom Palmerin would have called " Fair Sir," and 
 she whom Rosiclear would have called " Right beauteous 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 3 
 
 Damsel," are now spoken of opprobriously. But why 
 should not Ralph be the means of wiping out this 
 reproach ? — 
 
 Why should I not pursue this course, both for the credit of myself 
 and our company ? For amongst all the worthy books of achievements, 
 I do not call to mind that I yet read of a grocer-errant : I will be the 
 said knight. Have you heard of any that hath wandered unfurnished 
 of his squire and dwarf? Thy elder prentice Tim shall be my trusty 
 squire, and little George my dwarf. Hence, my blue apron ! Yetj in 
 remembrance of my former trade, upon my shield shall be portrayed a 
 burning pestle, and I will be called the Knight of the Burning Pestle. 
 My beloved squire, and George my dwarf, I charge you that henceforth 
 you never call me by any other name but " the right courteous and 
 valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle" ; and that you never call any female 
 by the name of a woman or wench, but **fair lady," if she have her 
 desires ; if not, " distressed damsel " ; that you call all forests and heaths 
 " deserts," and all horses "palfreys." 
 
 After this, Ralph reappears at various points in the action. 
 He interposes, Quixote-like, in the aforesaid love-aiBfair, and 
 gets belaboured by the favoured lover for his pains. Later, 
 he puts up at an inn, and, about to leave, is surprised when 
 the tapster draws his attention to the fact that the reckoning 
 is not paid : — 
 
 Ralph, Right courteous Knight, who for the order's sake 
 Which thou hast ta'en, hang'st out the holy Bell, 
 As I this flaming pestle bear about. 
 We render thanks to your puissant self, 
 Your beauteous lady, and your gentle squires, 
 For thus refreshing of our wearied limbs, 
 Stiffen'd with hard achievements in wild desert. 
 
 Tapster. Sir, there is twelve shillings to pay. 
 
 Ralph. Thou merry squire Tapstero, thanks to thee 
 For comforting our souls with double jug : 
 And if adventurous fortune prick thee forth, 
 Thou jovial squire, to follow feats of arms, 
 Take heed thou tender ev'ry lady's cause, 
 
4 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Ev'ry true knight, and ev'ry damsel fair, 
 
 But spill the blood of treacherous Saracens, 
 
 And false enchanters that with magic spells 
 
 Have done to death full many a noble knight. 
 Host. Thou valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, give ear to me: 
 there is twelve shillings to pay, and as I am a true knight, I will not 
 bate a penny. . . . 
 
 Ralph. Sir knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well ; 
 
 But, to requite this liberal courtesy, 
 
 If any of your squires will follow arms, 
 
 He shall receive from my heroic hand 
 
 A knighthood, by the virtue of this pestle. 
 
 The host, however, insists upon receiving his twelve 
 shillings, and the grocer's wife, in great fear lest harm 
 shall befall her Ralph, requests her husband to pay the 
 money. In a subsequent scene, Ralph conquers the giant 
 Barbaroso, and releases his captives. By-and-by he goes 
 into Moldavia, where he touches the heart of the king's 
 • daughter, but tells her that he has already pledged his 
 troth to Susan, "a cobbler's maid in Malte Street," whom 
 he vowed never to forsake. At the end of the play he 
 comes on to explain, at length, that he is dead, taking the 
 opportunity to recount his various performances. 
 
 The fun is never very brilliant; and the "Knight of 
 the Pestle," albeit by writers so distinguished, is not, for the 
 present-day Englishman, particularly exhilarating reading. 
 One can imagine, however, how droll it seemed to our 
 ancestors, with whom it remained popular for over half a 
 century, surviving till the time of Mistress Eleanor Gwynne, 
 who once spoke the prologue to it. 
 
 Our first burlesque, then, was a satire upon exaggerated 
 fiction. Our second was a satire upon extravagant plays. 
 It is possible that " The Rehearsal " was represented before 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 5 
 
 " The Knight of the Burning Pestle " left the boards. Begun 
 in 1663, ^^d ready for production before 1665, it was first 
 performed in 167 1. It is ascribed to George Villiers, Duke 
 of Buckingham; but probably there were several hands 
 engaged in it. It was the outcome of the boredom and 
 the laughter caused by the wildness and bombast of the 
 Restoration plays. There were some things in the stage of 
 that day which the wits could not abide : — 
 
 Here brisk insipid rogues, for wit, let fall 
 Sometimes dull sense ; but oft'ner none at all. 
 There, strutting heroes, with a grim-fac'd train, 
 Shall brave the gods, in King Cambyses' vein. 
 For (changing rules, of late, as if man writ 
 In spite of reason, nature, art, and wit) 
 Our poets make us laugh at tragedy, 
 And with their comedies they make us cry. 
 
 So runs the prologue to "The Rehearsal," which was 
 destined to strike the first blow at the mechanical dramas 
 that had succeeded the masterpieces of the Shakespearian 
 period. Bayes, the playwright whose tragedy is supposed to 
 be " rehearsed, '* is usually accepted as a skit upon Dry den, 
 whose dress, speech, and manner were openly mimicked 
 by Lacy, the interpreter of the part. But there is reason 
 to believe that Davenant first sat for the portrait, and in the 
 end Bayes became a sort of incarnated parody of all the 
 Restoration playwrights. This preposterous play travesties 
 a whole school of dramatic writing. Dramas by Dryden, 
 Davenant, James and Henry Howard, Mrs. Behn, and 
 Sir William Killigrew and others, are directly satirised in 
 certain passages; but in the main the satire is general. 
 For instance, in one place fun is made of the prevalence 
 
6 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 of similes in the dramas aimed at. Prince Prettyman, in 
 the rehearsed play, falls asleep, and Chloris, coming in, 
 finds him in that situation : — 
 
 Bayes. Now, here she must make a simile. 
 
 Smith (one of the spectators). Where's the necessity of that, Mr. 
 Bayes ? 
 
 Bayes. Because she's surpris'd. That's a general rule : you must ever 
 make a simile when you are surpris'd ; 't is the new way of writing. 
 
 Elsewhere it is confusion of metaphor, very common 
 among the second-rate " tragedians," that is derided. Says 
 the physician in the play : — 
 
 All these threat'ning storms, which, like impregnant clouds, do hover 
 o'er our heads (when once they are grasped but by the eye of reason), 
 melt into fruitful showers of blessings on the people. 
 
 Bayes. Pray mark that allegory. Is not that good ? 
 
 Johnson (another spectator)). Yes, that grasping of a storm with the 
 eye is admirable. 
 
 In one place, Smith, the aforesaid onlooker, complains 
 that, amid all the talk, the plot stands still ; to which Bayes 
 replies, "Why, what the devil is the plot good for but to bring 
 in fine things ? '' At another juncture we have the first hint 
 of a bit of persiflage which Sheridan afterwards imitated in 
 " The Critic." It has reference to the portentous reticence 
 of some of the dialogue in Restoration plays. An usher 
 and a physician are on the stage : — 
 
 Fhys. If Lorenzo should prove false (which none but the great gods 
 
 can tell) you then perhaps would find that {whispers). 
 
 Usher. Alone, do you say ? 
 
 Phys. No, attended with the noble {whispers). 
 
 Usher. Who, he in grey ? 
 
 Fhys. Yes, and at the head of (whispers). 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 7 
 
 Usher. Then, sir, most certain 'twill in time appear, 
 These are the reasons that have induc'd 'em to't ; 
 First, he— — {whispers). 
 
 Secondly, they {whispers). 
 
 Thirdly, and lastly, both he and they {whispers). 
 
 \_Exeunt whispering. 
 
 " Well, sir," says Smith to Bayes, " but pray, why all this 
 whispering ? " " Why, sir," replies the dramatist, " because 
 they are supposed to be politicians, and matters of state 
 ought not to be divulg'd." 
 
 In its direct travestie " The Rehearsal '' is often very happy. 
 Dryden had claimed for his tragedies that they were written 
 by " th' exactest rules " ; so Bayes exhibits to his friends 
 Smith and Johnson what he calls his " Book of Drama 
 Commonplaces, the mother of many plays," containing 
 " certain helps that we men of art have found it convenient 
 to make use of." " I do here aver,'' he says, " that no man 
 yet the sun e'er shone upon has parts sufficient to furnish 
 out a stage, except it were by the help of these my rules." 
 Davenant, in his "Love and Honour," had portrayed a 
 mental and spiritual struggle between those potent forces. 
 Bayes, accordingly, is made to introduce a scene in which 
 Prince Volscius, sitting down to pull on his boots, wonders 
 whether he ought or ought not to perform that operation : — 
 
 My legs, the emblem of my various thought, 
 Show to what sad distraction I am brought. 
 Sometimes, with stubborn Honour, like this boot, 
 My mind is guarded, and resolv'd to do't : 
 Sometimes, again, that very mind, by Love 
 Disarmed, like this other leg does prove. 
 Shall I to Honour or to Love give way ? 
 Go on, cries Honour ; tender Love says, Nay ; 
 Honour aloud commands, Pluck both boots on f 
 But softer Love does whisper, Put on none. 
 
8 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 In the end, he "goes out hopping, with one boot on, 
 and t'other off." Again, there was a passage in the drama 
 called " The Villain," in which the host supplied his guests 
 with a collation out of his clothes — a capon from his 
 helmet, cream out of his scabbard, and so on. In like 
 manner, Pallas, in Mr. Bayes's tragedy, furnishes forth the 
 two usurping kings : — 
 
 Lo, from tliis»conquering lance 
 Does flow the purest wine of France : 
 And to appease your hunger, I 
 Have in my helmet brought a pie ; 
 Lastly, to bear a part with these, 
 Behold a buckler made of cheese. 
 
 Of the direct parody in the burlesque a few instances 
 will suffice. Almanzor, in "The Conquest of Granada," 
 becomes the Drawcansir of Mr. Bayes's work ; and while 
 the former ejaculates — 
 
 He who dares love, and for that love must die, 
 And, knowing this, dares yet love on, am I, — 
 
 the latter caps it with — 
 
 He that dares drink, and for that drink dares die, 
 And knowing this, dares yet drink on, am I. 
 
 Again, while Almanzor says to his rival in love — 
 
 Thou dar'st not marry her, while I'm in sight ; 
 With a bent brow, thy priest and thee I'll fright, — 
 
 Drawcansir, snatching the bowls of wine from the usurpers, 
 
 cries — 
 
 Whoe'er to gulp one drop of this dare think, 
 I'll stare away his very power to drink. 
 
 The simile of the boar and the sow has often been quoted ; 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 9 
 
 it seems to have been always a favourite with our playgoing 
 ancestors. In " The Conquest of Granada " we read ; — 
 
 So two kind turtles, when a storm is nigh, 
 Look up, and see it gathering in the sky. . . . 
 Perch'd on some dropping branch, they sit alone. 
 And coo and hearken to each other's moan. 
 
 Mr. Bayes imitated this in what he called " one of the most 
 delicate, dainty similes in the world, egad " : — 
 
 So boar and sow, when any storm is nigh, 
 SnufF up, and smell it gath'ring in the sky. . . . 
 Pensive in mud they wallow all alone, 
 And snort and gruntle to each other's moan. 
 
 The example set by Buckingham in " The Rehearsal " was 
 followed, more than half a century later, by Henry Fielding, 
 in " The Tragedy of Tragedies, or the Life and Death of Tom 
 Thumb the Great." This was brought out in 1730, in two 
 acts, and was so immediately and largely successful that 
 the author was induced to expand its two acts into three. 
 It was afterwards pubHshed, with elaborate notes, setting 
 forth a number of " parallel passages " from Dryden down- 
 wards, and with a preface, in which the supposed editor, 
 H. Scriblerus Secundus, gravely assigned the origin of the 
 "tragedy" to the age of Elizabeth. Apropos of parallel 
 passages, the editor says: — 
 
 Whether this sameness of thought and expression [on the part 
 of the authors quoted] . . . proceeded from an agreement in their 
 way of thinking, or whether they have borrowed from or author, 
 I leave the reader to determine. I shall adventure to affirm this of 
 the Sentiments of our author, that they are generally the most familiar 
 which I have ever met with, and at the same time delivered with the 
 highest dignity of phrase ; which brings me to speak of his diction. 
 Here I shall only beg one postulatum — viz., that the greatest perfection 
 
10 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 of the language of a tragedy is, that it is not to be understood ; 
 which granted (as I think it must be), it will necessarily follow that 
 the only ways to avoid this is by being too high or too low for the 
 understanding, which will comprehend everything within its reach. 
 
 The editor goes on to say that " our author excelleth '' 
 in both these styles. "He is very rarely within sight 
 through the whole play, either rising higher than the eye 
 of your understanding can soar, or sinking lower than it 
 careth to stoop." 
 
 Fielding does not adopt in " Tom Thumb " the machinery 
 of " The Rehearsal.'' LilTom Thumb " is a burlesque tragedy, 
 standing by itself, and intended for representation in the 
 serious spirit which should animate all true burlesquej 
 Tom Thumb is "a little hero, with a great soul," who, 
 as a reward for his victories over the race of giants, 
 demands in marriage the hand of Huncamunca, the daughter 
 of King Arthur. As he observes :— - 
 
 1 ask not kingdoms, I can conquer those ; 
 I ask not money, money I've enough ; 
 For what I've done, and what I mean to do, 
 For giants slain, and giants yet unborn 
 Which I will slay — if this be call'd a debt. 
 Take my receipt in full : I ask but this — 
 To sun myself in Huncamunca's eyes. 
 
 "Prodigious bold request," remarks the King; but he 
 decides, nevertheless, to give Huncamunca to Tom Thumb. 
 Unhappily, Lord Grizzle is enamoured of the princess, and, 
 in revenge, leads an insurrection against the Court. He 
 is, however, conquered by the little hero, who is about to 
 be wedded to his charmer, when, alas ! as he is marching 
 intriumph through the streets, he is swallowed by "a cow, 
 of larger than the usual size." Queen Dollallolla, who is 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, n 
 
 in love with Tom, slays with her own hand the messenger 
 who brought the news. Thereupon, Cleora, who is in 
 love with the messenger, kills the Queen. Huncamunca, 
 by way of reprisal, kills Cleora. A certain Doodle kills 
 Huncamunca ; one Mustacha kills Doodle ; the King kills 
 Mustacha, and then kills himself, exclaiming — 
 
 So when the child, whom nurse from danger guards, 
 Sends Jack for mustard with a pack of cards, 
 Kings, queens and knaves throw one another down, 
 Till the whole pack lies scatter'd and o'erthrown ; 
 So all our pack upon the floor is cast, 
 And all I boast is — that I fall the last. 
 
 We have here a happy satire upon the sanguinary con- 
 clusions given to the tragedies of the seventeenth century. 
 Great pains, too, are taken, throughout the "tragedy," to 
 travestie that bete noire of the humourists, the dragged-in 
 simile, to which not even ^* The Rehearsal " had given the 
 coup de groLce. The ghost of Tom Thumb's father is made 
 
 to say — 
 
 So have I seen the bees in clusters swarm, 
 So have I seen the stars in frosty nights, 
 So have I seen the sand in windy days, 
 So have I seen the ghost on Pluto's shore, 
 So have I seen the flowers in spring arise, 
 So have I seen the leaves in autumn fall, 
 So have I seen the fruits in summer smile, 
 So have I seen the snow in winter frown. 
 
 Whereupon the king says, " D — n all thou hast seen ! " 
 Grizzle, when on the point of expiring, cries — 
 
 Some kinder sprite knocks softly at my soul, 
 And gently whispers it to haste away. 
 I come, I come, most willingly I come. 
 So, when some city wife, for country air, 
 To Hampstead or to Highgate does repair, 
 
12 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Her to make haste her husband does implore, 
 
 And cries, " My dear, the coach is at the door " : 
 
 With equal wish, desirous to be gone, 
 
 She gets into the coach, and then she cries, '* Drive on ! " 
 
 Some of the mock similes in " Tom Thumb " are among 
 the most familiar things in literature. We all remember 
 the lines — 
 
 So, when two dogs are fighting in the streets, 
 When a third dog one of the two dogs meets, 
 With angry teeth he bites him to the bone, 
 And this dog smarts for what that dog has done. 
 
 And these — 
 
 So, when the Cheshire cheese a maggot breeds, 
 Another and another still succeeds ; 
 By thousands and ten thousands they increase. 
 Till one continued maggot fills the rotten cheese. 
 
 The burlesque contained within the pages of "Tom 
 Thumb " covers a considerable field. Dryden is once 
 more very freely satirised, some nine or ten of his plays 
 being held up to ridicule. But much attention is at the 
 same time paid to dramas which saw the light after the 
 production of "The Rehearsal." Thus, there are allusions 
 to the " Mithridates," " Nero," and " Brutus " of Nathaniel 
 Lee, which belong to 1674 — 1679; to the "Marius'' of 
 Otway (1680); to the "Anna Bullen," "Earl of Essex," 
 " Mary Queen of Scots," and " Cyrus the Great " of Banks 
 (1680 — 1696); to the *' Persian Princess" of Theobald 
 (1711), to Addison's "Cato" (1713), to Young's " Busiris " 
 and " The Revenge," and even to Thomson's " Sophonisba," 
 which had come out only in the year preceding that in 
 which *' Tom Thumb " was performed. " O Sophonisba, 
 Sophonisba O " (which had already been parodied in the 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 13 
 
 form of ** O Jemmy Thomson, Jemmy Thomson O '' ) is 
 
 here laughed at in " O Huncamunca, Huncamunca O ! " 
 
 £^In " Cyrus the Great " the virtuous Panthea remarks to one 
 
 lover — 
 
 For two I must confess are gods to me, 
 Which is my Abradatus first, and thee. 
 
 And, in a like spirit, Huncamunca, after wedding Tom 
 Thumb, is quite willing to wed Grizzle : — 
 
 My ample heart for more than one has room : 
 A maid like me Heaven form'd at least for two. 
 I married him, and now I'll marry you, — 
 
 thereby reminding us of the obliging defendant in Mr. Gil- 
 bert's "Trial by Jury," who is ready to "marry this lady 
 to-day, and marry the other to-morrow. 'iJ In the third act 
 of "Cato" is a simile whitk Fielding parodies thus — putting 
 it into the mouth of Grizzle : — 
 
 So have I seen, in some dark winter's day, 
 A sudden storm rush down the sky's highway. 
 Sweep through the streets with terrible ding-dong, 
 Gush thro' the spouts, and wash whole crowds along, 
 The crowded shops the thronging vermin screen. 
 Together cram the dirty and the clean, 
 And not one shoe-boy in the street is seen. 
 
 Finally, we have this equally well-known passage, suggested 
 by the remark of Lee's Mithridates that he "would be 
 drunk with death " : — 
 
 Doodle. My liege, I a petition have here got. 
 
 King, . Petition me no petitions, sir, to-day ; 
 Let other hours be set apart for business. 
 To-day it is our pleasure to be drunk, 
 And this our queen shall be as drunk as we. 
 
14 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 It was the fate of " Tom Thumb " to be transformed — so 
 far as it was possible to transform it — into a burlesque of 
 Italian opera as well as of conventional drama. " Set 
 to music after the Italian manner," it was brought out in 
 1733 as "The Opera of Operas," and had considerable 
 vogue in the new guise thus given to it. It had been 
 preceded in 1727 by Gay's "Beggar's Opera"; but that 
 famous work was a social and political satire rather than 
 a travestie of the exotic lyrical drama. It may be regarded 
 as a species of prototype of the burletta or ballad opera 
 of later days. Not even the transformed " Tom Thumb " * 
 could be called an effective redudio ad absurdum of the 
 Italian opera of those days. For that the public had to 
 wait a short time longer. 
 
 Meanwhile, four years after the production of "Tom 
 Thumb " came the " Chrononhotonthologos " of Henry 
 Carey, author of "Sally in our Alley." This also is a 
 burlesque tragedy, but the travestie is purely general. No 
 individual play is directly satirised ; the satire is aimed 
 at a whole class of dramas — the same class as that which 
 had suggested the c9mposition of " Tom Thumb." 
 
 Carey says, in his prologue : — 
 
 To-night our comic muse the buskin wears, 
 And gives herself no small romantic airs ; 
 Struts in heroics, and in pompous verse 
 Does the minutest incidents rehearse ; 
 In ridicule's strict retrospect displays 
 The poetasters of these modern days, 
 
 * *' Tom Thumb " was performed in 1740, with Yates as the ghost and 
 Woodward as Noodle, Glumdalca (the giantess) being represented by 
 a man. In 1745 Yates played Grizzle, Tom being enacted by a lady. 
 The burlesque was seen at Covent Garden in 1828. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 15 
 
 Who with big bellowing bombast rend our ears, 
 Which, stript of sound, quite void of sense appears ; 
 Or else their fiddle-faddle numbers flow, 
 Serenely dull, elaborately low. 
 
 " Chrononhotonthologos " is a short piece, in one act and 
 seven scenes. It is described in its sub-title as " the most 
 tragical tragedy that ever was tragedised by any company 
 of tragedians," and it bears out the description tolerably 
 well. When the curtain rises, there enter two courtiers of 
 Queerummania — Rigdum-Funnidos and Aldiborontiphosco- 
 phornio. Says the latter to the former : — 
 
 Aldiborontiphoscophomio I 
 
 Where left you Chrononhotonthologos ? 
 
 Chrononhotonthologos is the king, and we learn that he 
 is in his tent, in a kind of waking slumber. Presently he 
 enters, very much put out that he should be so inclined to 
 doze, and very angry, consequently, with the God of Sleep. 
 Says he : — 
 
 Sport not with Chrononhotonthologos, 
 Thou idle slumb'rer, thou detested Somnus ; 
 
 and " exits in a huff." Whereupon the two courtiers, who 
 have retired, re-enter : — 
 
 Rigdum. The King is in a most cursed passion ! Pray who is the 
 Mr. Somnus he's so angry withal? 
 
 Aldi, The son of Chaos and of Erebus, 
 Incestuous pair ! brother of Mors relentless, 
 Whose speckled robe, and wings of blackest hue. 
 Astonish all mankind with hideous glare : 
 Himself, with sable plumes, to men benevolent 
 Brings downy slumbers and refreshing sleep. 
 RigdUm. This gentleman may come of a very good family, for aught I 
 know ; but I would not be in his place for the world. 
 
i6 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Aldi. But lo ! the king his footsteps this way bending, 
 His cogitative faculties immers'd 
 In cogibundity of cogitation. 
 
 Thereupon the king re-enters, followed almost immediately 
 by the captain of the guard, who informs him that 
 " th' antipodean pow'rs from realms below have burst the 
 entrails of the earth " and threaten the safety of the 
 kingdom. " This world is too incopious to contain them ; 
 armies on armies march in form stupendous" — "tier on 
 tier, high pil'd from earth to heaven." The king, however, 
 is not alarmed. He bids Bombardinian, his general, draw 
 his legions forth, and orders the priests to prepare their 
 temples for rites of triumph : — 
 
 Let the singing singers, 
 With vocal voices, most vociferous, 
 In sweet vociferation, out-vociferise 
 Ev'n sound itself. 
 
 Happily the Antipodeans (who walk upon their hands) are 
 badly beaten, and all run away except their king, with 
 whom, alas ! Fadladinida, the wife of Chrononhotonthologos, 
 promptly falls in love. As she herself says to her favourite' 
 maiden : — 
 
 Oh, my Tatlanthe ! Have you seen his face, 
 
 His air, his shape, his mien, his ev'ry grace ? 
 
 In what a charming attitude he stands, 
 
 How prettily he foots it with his hands ! 
 
 Well, to his arms — no, to his legs — I fly, 
 
 For I must have him, if I live or die. 
 
 Meanwhile, Bombardinian has invited the King to drink 
 
 wine with him in his tent. The King accepts, but, not 
 
 content with liquor, asks for something more substantial : — 
 
 Hold, Bombardinian, I esteem it fit, 
 With so much wine, to eat a little bit. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 17 
 
 The cook suggests "some nice cold pork in the pantry," 
 and is instantly slain by the irate monarch, who, deeming 
 that Bombardinian is "braving'' him, strikes him. Where- 
 upon the General : — 
 
 A blow ! shall Bombardinian take a blow ? 
 
 Blush ! blush, thou sun ! start back, thou rapid ocean ! 
 
 Hills ! vales ! seas ! mountains ! all commixing crumble, 
 
 And into chaos pulverise the world ; 
 
 For Bombardinian has receiv'd a blow, 
 
 And Chrononhotonthologos must die. 
 
 [They fight He kills the king. 
 
 Ha I what have I done ? 
 Go, call a coach, and let a coach be call'd ; 
 And let the man that calls it be the caller ; 
 And, in his calling, let him nothing call. 
 But coach, coach, coach ! Oh, for a coach, ye gods ! 
 
 \Exit^ raving. 
 
 The doctor, pronouncing the king dead, is killed by the 
 General, who then kills himself. The Queen mourns her 
 widowhood, and Tatlanthe proposes that she should wed 
 Rigdum-Funnidos. £To this, however, Aldiborontiphosco- 
 phornio objects ; and so, to save discussion, the Queen will 
 give no preference to either : — 
 
 To make the matter ea^, 
 I'll have you both ; and that, I hope, will please ye. 
 
 Produced in 1734, "Chrononhotonthologos" was per- 
 formed at intervals until 18 15, when it was seen at Drury 
 Lane, with Oxberry in the title-part and Dowton as the 
 General. After that it remained out of the theatrical 
 repertory until 1880, when Mr. John Hollingshead revived 
 
 w, L.-V. 
 
i8 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 it, for one representation, at the Gaiety.* It is a slight 
 piece of work, but contains some elements of comicality. 
 It will always be esteemed by literary students, if only 
 because the names of Rigdum-Funnidos and Aldiboronti- 
 phoscophornio struck the fancy of Sir Walter Scott, who 
 bestowed them, in fun, upon the brothers Constable, 
 the publishers. " Aldiborontiphoscophornio " is surely the 
 perfection of mock-tragedy nomenclature. 
 l^ f^It is to Carey that we owe, not only " Chrononhotontho- 
 logos," but the first really effective burlesque of Italian opera. 
 In 1737 there was brought out at the Haymarket "The 
 Dragon of Wantley," a " burlesque opera," of which Carey 
 had written the dialogue and songs, and for which John 
 Frederick Lampe had composed the music. Its object, 
 according to the author, was " to display in English the 
 beauty of nonsense, so prevailing in the Italian operas.'' The 
 story was founded on the old ballad, with which, however, 
 liberties were taken. In the first act, the natives of " that 
 part of Yorkshire near Rotherham " are shown in much 
 excitement, due to the ravages of the dragon, which has 
 just entered the Squire's residence and consumed all the 
 coffee, toast, and butter that was set out for breakfast. 
 Says one Gubbins : — 
 
 This Dragon very modish, sure, and nice is : 
 What shall we do in this disastrous crisis ? 
 
 To which his daughter Margery replies : — 
 
 A thought, to quell him, comes into my Head ; 
 No Way more proper, than to kill him dead. 
 
 * The parts of Chrononhotonthologos, Bombardinian, Rigdum- 
 Funnidos, Aldiborontiphoscophornio, Fadladinida, and Tatlanthe were 
 then taken by Messrs. Murray, Shine, Soutar, Squire, Mrs. Leigh, 
 and Miss Bella Howard respectively. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 19 
 
 Not far hence lives "a valiant knight," named Moore, of 
 Moore Hall, who may be trusted to destroy the dragon. 
 Moore accordingly is approached, surrenders to the charms 
 of Margery, and undertakes to do the deed. Meanwhile, 
 Mauxalinda, an old flame of Moore's, becomes jealous of 
 Margery, and seeks to slay her with a bodkin — a fate from 
 which Moore happily rescues her. Mauxalinda is then 
 threatened with quarter sessions ; but she cries — 
 
 O give me not up to the Law, 
 
 I'd much rather beg upon Crutches ; 
 
 Once in a SoUicitor's Paw, 
 
 You never get out of his Clutches. 
 
 Moore thereupon prepares to start for the Dragon's den : 
 
 But first I'll drink, to make me strong and mighty, 
 Six quarts of ale, and one of Aqua Vitae. 
 
 Duly encountering the monster, Moore kills him (say the 
 stage directions) with a kick in the rear, the Dragon crying 
 "Oh, oh, oh! the Devil take your toe!" After that, 
 Gubbins declares : — 
 
 The Loves of this brave Knight, and my fair Daughter, 
 . In Roratorios shall be sung hereafter. 
 Begin your Songs of Joy ; begin, begin, 
 And rend the Welkin with harmonious Din. 
 
 Thereupon there is this general chorus : — 
 
 Sing, sing, and rorio 
 An Oratorio, 
 To gallant Morio, 
 
 Of Moore Hall. 
 To Margereenia 
 Of Roth'ram Greenia, 
 Beauty's bright Queenia, 
 
 Bellow and bawl. 
 
20 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 " The music," says the chronicler, " was made as grand 
 and pompous as possible, to heighten the contrast betv/een 
 that and the words " — thus anticipating the comic method 
 which has been utilised with so much success by Mr. 
 Gilbert and Sir Arthur Sullivan. 
 
 From "The Dragon of Wantley," which, as might be 
 expected, had a very considerable vogue, we come to " The 
 Critic, or a Tragedy Rehearsed" — the last, and not the 
 least, of Sheridan's dramatic works, produced in Drury Lane 
 in 1779. Of so familiar a piece, what is there to be said ? 
 Is it not played with tolerable frequency at " benefits,'' for 
 the sake of the " exceptional casts " it can supply ? Have 
 not all middle-aged playgoers seen and admired the younger 
 Mathews as Sir Fretful Plagiary and Mr. Puff? Assuredly 
 there are certain features of " The Critic " which everybody 
 remembers. Everybody remembers Sir FretfuFs famous 
 lines on the plagiarists, who "serve your best thoughts 
 as gypsies do stolen children — disfigure them to make 'em 
 pass for their own " ; as well as his special addendum about 
 the " dexterous " writer who " might take out some of the 
 best things in my tragedy and put them into his own 
 comedy." Everybody remembers, too, Mr. Puffs no less 
 famous catalogue of the varieties of rklame ; his remark 
 that "the number of those who undergo the fatigue of 
 judging for themselves is very small indeed " ; his explana- 
 tion of the fact that he and Shakespeare had made use 
 of the same thought ; Lord Burleigh's shake of the head, 
 which meant so much, and has become proverbial; the 
 Spanish fleet, which could not be seen because it was 
 not yet in sight ; Tilburina, " mad in white satin " — and the 
 like. It must be recollected, however, that " The Critic " 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 2t 
 
 as played and " The Critic " as written and printed are two 
 very different things. In the acting version, the earlier 
 scenes between Puff and Dangle and Sneer, as well as the 
 latter portion of the " tragedy rehearsed," are very much 
 compressed — no doubt with advantage to the public, for, 
 clever as " The Critic " is as a whole, certain portions of it 
 are out of date, and would not " go '' well with a modern 
 audience. 
 
 In glancing through the printed version, one is struck 
 anew by the similarity that "The Critic" bears to "The 
 Rehearsal," not only in form, but in detail. In both cases 
 a dramatic author rehearses a tragedy in the presence of 
 a couple of friends, who interject comments upon the per- 
 formance. But the likeness does not end here — possibly 
 because the theatrical world of 1779 was, in all essentials, 
 very like the theatrical world of 1671. Bayes, in "The 
 Rehearsal," says that he has "appointed two or three dozen" 
 of his friends " to be ready in the pit " (at the premilre of 
 his piece), "who, I'm sure, will clap." And so Sneer, in 
 "The Critic," expects that he will not be able to get into 
 Drury Lane on the first night of Puff's play, " for on the 
 first night of a piece they always fill the house with orders 
 to support It." Again, Bayes says that > 
 
 Let a man write never so well, there are, nowadays, a sort of persons 
 they call critics, that, egad, have no more wit in them than so many 
 hobby-horses ; but they'll laugh at you, sir, and find fault, and censure 
 things that, egad, I'm sure they are not able to do themselves. 
 
 In a similar spirit Sir Fretful stigmatises the newspapers as 
 
 "the most villainous — licentious — abominable — infernal 
 
 Not that I ever read them — no. I make it a rule never to 
 look into a newspaper." 
 
22 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 In one respect Sheridan's work is quite unlike the Duke 
 of Buckingham's. It contains no direct travestie or parody 
 of any kind. The burlesque is "at large" throughout. 
 The satire embodied in the dialogue between Puff and 
 his friends reflects upon all old-fashioned playwriting of 
 the ^'tragic" sort. Puff opens the second scene of his 
 " Spanish Armada " with a clock striking four, which, 
 besides recording the time, not only " begets an awful 
 attention in the audience," but ** saves a description of 
 the rising sun, and a great deal about gilding the 
 eastern hemisphere." He makes his characters tell one 
 another what they know already, because, although they 
 know it, the audience do not. He hears the stage 
 cannon go off three times instead of once, and complains, 
 " Give these fellows a good thing, and they never know 
 when to have done with it." "Where they do agree on 
 the stage," he says, in another hackneyed passage, "their 
 unanimity is wonderful." In the rehearsed tragedy itself 
 the travestie is general, not particular. Here Sheridan 
 satirises a different class of tragedy from that which 
 Buckingham dealt with. As the prologue (not by Sheridan, 
 however) says : — 
 
 In those gay days of wickedness and wit, 
 When VilHers criticised what Dryden writ, 
 The tragic queen, to please a tasteless crowd, 
 Had learn'd to bellow, rant, and roar so loud, 
 That frighten'd Nature, her best friend before, 
 The blustering beldam's company forswore. 
 
 The later " tragedy " took another tone : — 
 
 The frantic hero's wild delirium past, 
 Now insipidity succeeds bombast ; 
 So slow Melpomene's cold numbers creep. 
 Here dulness seems her drowsy court to keep. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 23 
 
 Dulness, then, is what Sheridan is chiefly, girding at, but 
 he has a keen eye also for the unconscious banaHties of 
 the genre he is dealing with. How truly comic, for instance, 
 is the prayer to Mars offered up by Leicester and his 
 companions ! — 
 
 Behold thy votaries submissive beg 
 
 That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask ; 
 
 Assist them to accomplish all their ends, 
 
 And sanctify whatever means they use 
 
 To gain them. 
 
 How delicious, too, in their absolute nonsense, are the 
 lines given to the distraught Tilburina ! — 
 
 The wind whistles — the moon rises — see, 
 
 They have killed my squirrel in his cage ; 
 
 Is this a grasshopper? — Ha ! no ; it is my 
 
 Whiskerandos — you shall not keep him — 
 
 I know you have him in your pocket — 
 
 An oyster may be cross'd in love ! — who says 
 
 A whale's a bird ? — Ha ! did you call, my love ? — 
 
 He's here ! he's there ! — He's everywhere ! 
 
 Ah me ! he's nowhere ! 
 
 For the rest, the text of the tragedy, as printed, is very 
 dissimilar from the text as played. In representation, most 
 of the fun is got out of intentional perversion of certain 
 words or phrases. Thus, " martial symmetry " becomes 
 " martial cemetery " ; 
 
 The famed Armada, by the Pope baptised, 
 becomes 
 
 The famed Armada, by the Pope capsised ; 
 
 " friendship's closing line " is turned into " friendship's 
 clothes-line " ; " My gentle Nora " into " My gentle Snorer '' ; 
 " Cupid's baby woes " into " Cupid's baby clothes " ; 
 
24 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 " matchless excellence " into " matchless impudence," and 
 
 so on. This is sorry stuff; and those who desire to 
 
 appreciate Sheridan's travestie of the tragedy of his day 
 
 must read " The Critic " in its published shape. 
 
 The next notable attempt at the burlesque of conventional 
 
 tragedy was a return to the methods of " Chrononhotontho- 
 
 logos." fin *'Bombastes Furioso " (first played in 1816*) 
 
 ^ all satirical machinery was discarded ; all that the author — 
 
 William Barnes Rhodes — sought to do was to travestie his 
 
 originals in a brief and telling story.^^ " Bombastes " is not 
 
 now so often performed as it used to be ; but not so very 
 
 long ago it was turned into a comic opera, under the title 
 
 of " Artaxominous the Great," and its humours are fairly well 
 
 known to the public. Some of these the world will not 
 
 willingly let die. ( One still thinks with amusement of the 
 
 ^ " army " of Bombastes, consisting of *^ one Drummer, one 
 
 Fifer, and two Soldiers, all very materially differing in size " ; 
 
 of the General's exhortation to his troops — 
 
 Begone, brave army, and don't kick up a row ; 
 
 and of the boastful challenge of the General, so promptly 
 
 accepted by Artaxominous — 
 
 Who dares this pair of boots displace 
 Must meet Bombastes face to face. 
 
 And the piece bears re-perusal wonderfully well. Its 
 literary merit is assuredly not less than that of " Chronon- 
 hotonthologos " : it is perhaps even greater. The opening 
 colloquy between the King and Fusbos is genuinely divert- 
 ing, embodying as it does one of those mock similes so dear 
 
 * The elder Mathews was Artaxominous; Liston, Bombardinian ; 
 and Miss H. Kelly, Distaffina. A few years later Munden played 
 Bombardinian, and Farren, Fusbos. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 25 
 
 to the satirists of old-fashioned tragedy. The King admits 
 to Fusbos that he is " but middling — that is, so so ! " It is 
 not, however, either the mulligrubs or the blue-devils that 
 disturb him : — 
 
 King. Last night, when undisturb'd by state affairs, 
 Moist' ning our clay, and puffing off our cares, 
 Oft the replenish'd goblet did we drain, 
 And drank and smok'd, and smok'd and drank again ! 
 Such was the case, our very actions such. 
 Until at length we got a drop too much. 
 
 Fusbos. So when some donkey on the Blackheath road, 
 Falls, overpower'd, beneath his sandy load, 
 The driver's curse unheeded swells the air, 
 Since none can carry more than they can bear. 
 
 By-and-by the King confides to Fusbos that his heart is not 
 wholly faithful to Queen Griskinissa — that he is also hope- 
 lessly in love with Distaffina, the acknowledged sweetheart 
 of Bombastes. Under the circumstances he asks for 
 Fusbos' advice : — 
 
 Shall I my Griskinissa's charms forego, 
 Compel her to give up the regal chair, 
 And place the rosy Distaffina there ? 
 In such a case, what course can I pursue ? 
 I love my queen, and Distaffina too. 
 
 Fusbos. And would a king his general supplant ? 
 I can't advise, upon my soul I can't. 
 
 King. So when two feasts, whereat there's nought to pay, 
 Fall unpropitious on the self-same day. 
 The anxious Cit each invitation views, 
 And ponders which to take and which refuse : 
 From this or that to keep away is loth. 
 And sighs to think he cannot dine at both. 
 
 These, however, are not the best known of the mock 
 similes in " Bombastes." For those we have to look to the 
 scene in which the King, observing his General's above- 
 
26 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 mentioned challenge, reviles Bombastes and knocks down 
 his boots. Then we have the familiar lines : — 
 
 Bomb. So have I heard on Afric's burning shore 
 A hungry lion give a grievous roar ; 
 The grievous roar echo'd along the shore. 
 
 King. So have I heard on Afric's burning shore 
 Another lion give a grievous roar, 
 And the first lion thought the last a bore. 
 
 Next comes the fight between the monarch and the 
 warrior; the King is killed, and then Fusbos kills Bombastes. 
 Finally, the two deceased (despite the assertion of Fusbos 
 that they are " dead as herrings — herrings that are red '') 
 come to life again, and all ends happily. 
 
 Of ordinary parody there is little in the piece, and what 
 there is can scarcely be said to be of the best. There is a 
 suggestion, in one ditty, of " Hope told a flattering Tale." 
 But better than this is the song suggested by " My Lodging 
 is on the Cold Ground," which is happy both intrinsically 
 and as an imitation. Fusbos is the singer : — 
 
 My lodging is in Leather Lane, 
 
 A parlour that's next to the sky ; 
 'Tis exposed to the wind and the rain, 
 
 But the wind and the rain I defy : 
 Such love warms the coldest of spots, 
 
 As I feel for Scrubinda the fair ; 
 Oh, she lives by the scouring of pots. 
 
 In Dyot Street, Bloomsbury Square. 
 
 Oh, were I a quart, pint, or gill, 
 
 To be scrubb'd by her delicate hands, 
 Let others possess what they will 
 
 Of learning, and houses, and lands ; 
 My parlour that's next to the sky 
 
 I'd quit, her blest mansion to share ; 
 So happy to live and to die 
 
 In Dyot Street, Bloomsbury Square. 
 
377^ BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE. 27 
 
 And oh, would this damsel be mine, 
 
 No other provision I'd seek ; 
 On a look I could breakfast and dine, 
 
 And feast on a smile for a week. 
 But ah ! should she false-hearted prove, 
 
 Suspended, I'll dangle in air ; 
 A victim to delicate love, 
 
 In Dyot Street, Bloomsbury Square. 
 
 (At this point, English stage burlesque suddenly takes 
 a new departure, combining, with satire of the contemporary 
 native " boards," satire not less keen of certain products of 
 the foreign muse. The incident came about in this way : — 
 Just before the close of the eighteenth century, the English 
 book-market had been flooded with translations of certain 
 German plays, including Schiller's " Robbers " and ** Cabal 
 and Love," Goethe's " Stella," and Kotzebue's " Misanthropy 
 and Repentance" ("The Stranger") and " Count Benyowsky." 
 Canning, Ellis, and Frere, who were then bringing out 
 The Anti-Jacobin, were struck by the absurdities contained 
 within these dramas, and accordingly composed and printed 
 (in June 1798) that well-known skit, "The Rovers, or the 
 Double Arrangement." In this the plays chiefly parodied 
 are "Stella," "The Stranger," and "Count Benyowsky." By 
 " Stella " was suggested not only " the double arrangement " 
 (by which Matilda and Cecilia share the aflections of their 
 lover Casimere), but the famous scene in which the two 
 women, before they know they are rivals, become, on the 
 instant, bosom friends. Both admit that they are in love, 
 and then — 
 
 Cecilia. Your countenance grows animated, my dear madam. 
 Matilda. And yours is glowing with illumination. 
 Cecilia. I had long been looking out for a congenial spirit ! My 
 heart was withered, but the beams of yours have rekindled it. 
 
28 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Matilda. A sudden thought strikes me : let us swear an eternal 
 friendship. 
 
 Cecilia. Let us agree to live together ! 
 
 Matilda. Willingly. 
 
 Cecilia, Let us embrace. ( They embrace.) 
 
 r " The Rovers," however, would hardly come within the 
 scope of the present volume, were it not that, in 1811, at 
 the Hay market, there was produced, by Colman junior, a 
 piece called "The Quadrupeds of Quedlinburgh, or the 
 Rovers of Weimar," in which the adapter made use of 
 the squib in The Anti-Jacobin, Colman's aim in this work 
 was to ridicule not only the German plays, including 
 Kotzebue's " Spaniards in Peru " (" Pizarro "), which had 
 lately been brought before the English playgoer, but also 
 the prevailing fancy for bringing animals upon the stage.3 
 At Astley's Tiorses had figured both in "Blue Beard ' and 
 in "Timour the Tartar," and dogs had previously been seen 
 in "The Caravan." To this, as well as to the unhealthy 
 importations from Germany, allusion was made in the 
 prologue : — 
 
 To lull the soul by spurious strokes of art, 
 To warp the genius and mislead the heart, 
 To make mankind revere wives gone astray, 
 
 (a hit at ** The Stranger "), 
 
 Love pious sons who rob on the highway, 
 For this the foreign muses trod our stage, 
 Commanding German schools to be the rage. . . . 
 Your taste, recovered half from foreign quacks, 
 Takes airings now on English horses' backs ; 
 While every modern bard may raise his name, 
 If not on lasting praise, on stable fame. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 29 
 
 *' The Quadrupeds of Quedlinburgh " was not printed, and 
 one does not know to what extent Colman took advantage 
 of the text of " The Rovers." It is certain, however, that 
 Casimere, Matilda, and CeciUa, as well as Rogero (a creation 
 of the original parodists), all appeared in the burlesque, 
 being enacted respectively by Munden, Mrs. Glover, 
 Mrs. Gibbs, and Liston, Elliston taking the role of 
 Bartholomew Bathos, a lineal descendant (no doubt) of 
 Bayes and Puff. We read that, in addition to the iravestie 
 supplied by The Anti-Jacobin^ fun was poked at the senti- 
 mental sentinel in " Pizarro," and the last scene of "Timour 
 the Tartar" was closely imitated. The piece was acted 
 thirty-nine times, and must therefore have been what, 
 in those days, was accounted a success. 
 IJA^ come now to a travestie of the old-fashioned 
 tragedy which helps to connect the Old burlesque 
 with the New, inasmuch as it was the production 
 of James Robinson Planchd. Of his "Amoroso, King 
 of Little Britain : a serio-comick bombastick operatick 
 interlude," played at Drury Lane in 18 18, Planch^ was 
 not particularly proud J He was very young when he wrote 
 it; he wrote it for amateur performance; and it got on 
 to the stage of Drury Lane without his knowledge and 
 consent. Harley, the comedian, appears to have seen or 
 read the little trifle, and to have recommended it to the 
 manager of "the national theatre." He himself repre- 
 sented Amoroso ; Knight was Roastando (a cook) ; Smith 
 was Blusterbus (a yeoman of the guard); Mrs. Bland 
 was Coquetinda (the Queen of Little Britain), and Mrs. 
 Orger was. MoUidusta (a chambermaid). The piece was 
 much applauded, and had the distinction of being quoted 
 
30 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 in the Times. It opens with the King being awakened by 
 his courtiers, to whom he angrily exclaims : — 
 
 L^ave at what time you please your truckle beds — 
 But if you break my rest I'll break your heads. 
 
 I swear I'm quite disordered with this rout. 
 Ahem ! My lords and gentlemen — get out ! 
 
 The Times applied the last line to a Parliamentary 
 incident which had just occurred; and Planch^ admits 
 that he was flattered by the compliment. But he would 
 not include " Amoroso " in the testimonial edition of his 
 burlesques and extravaganzas, — mainly, I imagine, because 
 the piece is so obviously an imitation of " Bombastes 
 Furioso," which it by no means equals in literary distinction. 
 
 The plot is simplicity itself. Amoroso is in love with 
 Mollidusta, Mollidusta with Blusterbus, and the Queen 
 with Roastando. "The King sees Roastando and the 
 Queen salute : he discharges Roastando. The Queen sees 
 the King and Mollidusta together: she stabs Mollidusta. 
 The King stabs the Queen, Roastando stabs the King, the 
 King stabs Roastando.'' In the end, all come to life again. 
 In the course of the play the King thus declares his passion 
 to Mollidusta : — 
 
 When gooseberries grow on the stem of a daisy, 
 And plum-puddings roll on the tide to the shore, 
 
 And julep is made from the curls of a jazey, 
 Oh, then, Mollidusta, I'll love thee no more. 
 
 When steamboats no more on the Thames shall be going, 
 And a cast-iron bridge reach Vauxhall from the Nore, 
 
 And the Grand Junction waterworks cease to be flowing, 
 Oh, then, Mollidusta, I'll love thee no more. 
 
THE BEGINNINGS OF BURLESQUE, 31 
 
 Amoroso also sings the following pseudo-sentimental 
 
 ditty:— 
 
 Love's like a mutton-chop, 
 
 Soon it grows cold, 
 All its attractions hop 
 
 Ere it grows old. 
 Lo.ve's like the colic sure, 
 Both painful to endure, 
 Brandy's for both a cure. 
 
 So I've been told ! 
 
 When for some fair the swain 
 
 Bums with desire, 
 In Hymen's fatal chain 
 
 Eager to try her, 
 He weds soon as he can, 
 And jumps (unhappy man !) 
 Out of the frying-pan 
 
 Into the fire. 
 
 Not to be outdone by the other lovers, the Qmeen and 
 Roastando warble a duet, in which they confess their 
 feelings for each other : — 
 
 She. This morning I to Covent Garden went, 
 To purchase cabbages was my intent. 
 But, my thoughts dwelling on Roastando 's looks, 
 Instead of cabbages I asked for cooks ! 
 
 He. Last night, neglecting fricasses for stews, 
 On Coquetinda's charms I paused to muse. 
 And, 'stead of charcoal, did my man desire 
 To put some Coquetinda on the fire. 
 
 Three months after " Amoroso " had been seen at Drury 
 Lane, there was produced at the English Opera House 
 a "serio-comic-bombastic-operatic interlude," written by 
 George Daniel, and called " Doctor Bolus '' — yet another 
 burlesque of the old-fashioned drama, owing quite as much 
 
32 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 to *' Bombastes Furioso " as did " Amoroso." In this piece 
 the King, Artipadiades (Harley), is in love with Poggylina, 
 a maid of honour, while the Queen, Katalinda (Miss Kelly), 
 is enamoured of General Scaramoucho (Chatterley). The 
 General revolts, and is defeated by the King. His amour 
 is discovered, and, while the Queen is poisoned with one 
 of Bolus's "infallible" pills, the General is stabbed by 
 Artipadiades. The Queen, however, revives, and is 
 thereupon stabbed by the King, who also stabs himself. 
 But, in the end, as in " Amoroso," all the dead people 
 are resuscitated. There are some gleams of humour in 
 the dialogue, but not many. Bolus was played by John 
 Wilkinson. 
 
11. 
 
 THE "palmy" days. 
 
 AFTER the production of " Amoroso," Planch^ remained 
 silent, so far as travestie was concerned, till 1831, 
 when he began in earnest his successful career as a bur- 
 lesque writer. In the interval a new votary of travestie 
 appeared in the person of Fox Cooper, of whose " Elbow 
 Shakers " and " Ion " I shall have something to say by-and- 
 by. Moncrieff and Buckstone, too, followed the example 
 of T. Dibdin, in dealing more or less humorously with 
 the subject of "Don Giovanni," while Buckstone also 
 essayed to do the same with that of " Billy Taylor." None 
 of these effusions, however, were burlesques in the ordinary 
 acceptation of the word; [and 1831, therefore, may still 
 be taken as the starting-point of the new theatrical era, 
 of which Planch^ was the herald. 
 
 This era may be said to divide naturally into fairly 
 balanced parts, the first extending from 1831 to 1865, 
 the period covered by Planche's activity in the work; the 
 second from 1865 to 1885, by which time Mr. Edward 
 Terry and Miss Kate Vaughan had retired from the Gaiety. 
 Within the former moiety are comprised the labours of four 
 men who for many years shared with Planchd the throne 
 w. L.-v, ^ 
 
34 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 of stage travestie. Need I say that I mean Gilbert Abbott 
 a'Beckett (with whom Mark Lemon so frequently col- 
 laborated), Francis Talfourd, and the Brothers Brough? 
 Planche's "Olympic Revels" (1831) was followed by 
 A'Beckett's "Son of the Sun" in 1834, by Talfourd's 
 "Macbeth" in 1847, ^^^ by the Brothers Brough's 
 "Enchanted Isle" in 1848. The "Joan of Arc" of 
 William Brough was seen in 1869; its writer had been 
 producing burlesque for over twenty years. Talfourd's 
 career as a dramatist was comparatively brief. Beginning 
 in 1847, it ended in i860, but was brilliant while it lasted. 
 
 Modern burlesque was fortunate indeed in its founders 
 — all of them men of education and refinement, all of them 
 men of letters as well as playwrights. To theJiterary merit 
 of their products it is unnecessary to bear more than the 
 briefest testimony, for it is everywhere, and by everybody, 
 acknowledged. In the writings of these four men theatrical 
 burlesque was seen at its best. They came fresh to the 
 task, and made the most of their opportunities. They set 
 themselves really to travestie and to parody, and were 
 careful to present, amid their wildest comicalities, a 
 definite, intelligible story. They dropped naturally into 
 the decasyllabic couplet, and made free use of the pun ; 
 but in neither case did they become mechanical or strained. 
 The verse of Blanche and A'Beckett is smoothness itself, and 
 they do not descend to word-torturing. Talfourd and the 
 Broughs took more licence in this latter respect, but they 
 never sank into drivel. Above all, not one of these five 
 masters of burlesque permitted themselves to be vulgar 
 either in general treatment or in verbal detail. 7 They were 
 nice in their choice of subjects, and, like Mr. W. S. Gilbert 
 
THE ''PALMY'' DAYS. 35 
 
 in the case of " The Princess," perverted them respectfully. 
 One finds no horseplay in the fun of these genuine 
 humourists. All their effects are made legitimately, and in 
 decent fashion. 
 
 They were happy, too, in the good influence they exercised. 
 The list of their colleagues during the period named is notable. 
 One meets early with the names of Charles Selby and W. H. 
 Oxberry. Then come those of Albert Smith, Kenny, and 
 Shirley Brooks, Leicester Buckingham, and Andrew Halliday, 
 by whom much excellent work was achieved in the 'forties 
 and 'fifties. Of lesser note, in this particular department of 
 endeavour, were Leman Rede, Stirling Coyne, and Tom 
 Taylor, who were more distinguished in other fields. Selby 
 and Oxberry had the knack of writing for the stage which 
 so often results from experience in acting. Smith, Brooks, 
 Buckingham, Halliday, Rede, Coyne, and Taylor, were 
 men whose literary skill, acquired in other quarters, was of 
 eminent service to the comic stage. Especially is it to be 
 regretted that the genial and witty author of "Sooner or 
 Later " did not devote more of his time and talent to the 
 service of burlesque, of the qualities and possibilities of 
 which* he had so keen a sense. 
 
 (But to turn now to the second moiety of the period 
 above named — that extending from 1865 to 1885. We 
 find that this, too, has had the good fortune to be domi- ' 
 nated by some burlesque writers of very special capacity — 
 to wit, Mr. F. C. Burnand, the late H. J. Byron, Mr. W. S. 
 Gilbert, and Mr. Robert Reece. Mr. Burnand has been 
 bringing out burlesques ever since 1855, when he wrote 
 "Villikins and his Dinah" for the Cambridge A.D.C. 
 His first London production was his " Dido," seen at the 
 
36 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 St. James's in i860. His metropolitan career, therefore, has 
 covered more than thirty years. Byron began at the Strand 
 in 1858, and ended at the Gaiety in 1879. ^^^- Gilbert's 
 labours as a producer of travestie in the ordinary sense 
 started early in the 'sixties with "Dr. Dulcamara," and 
 closed in 1870 with "The Princess."* Mr. Reece opened 
 in 1865 with "Prometheus"; and work in which he had a 
 part was witnessed so recently as 1886. 
 
 Mr. Gilbert soon found that his true metier lay outside 
 the bounds of ordinary burlesque, and his " Princess " was 
 the stepping-stone to "The Palace of Truth," and, in due 
 course, to " H.M.S. Pinafore''^ and its successors.^ His 
 travesties of " L'Elisire d'Amore," ^' La Fille du Regiment," 
 " The Bohemian Girl," " Norma," and '' Robert le Diable," 
 had, however, what all the best specimens of English 
 stage burlesque have had — a literary quality and an entire 
 absence of coarseness or suggestiveness ; and no doubt they 
 had, at the time, their due effect upon the public taste. 
 Meanwhile, the premier burlesque writers of the past thirty 
 years are Mr. Burnand, Byron, and Mr. Reece, whose 
 productions have been as notable for their multiplicity and 
 variety as for their technical excellence. All three, like the 
 ablest of their predecessors, have written extravaganza as 
 well as travestie ; and, in travestie, they have gone far afield, 
 essaying and succeeding in all subjects and all styles. They, 
 too, have favoured, in the main, the decasyllabic couplet and 
 the pun, bringing both of them to all the comic perfection 
 of which they were capable. The pun, in particular, has 
 
 * In the preparation of "The Happy Land" (1873) Mr. Gilbert 
 had only a share, th» scenario being his, but nearly all the writing 
 eing done by Mr, Gilbert Arthur a'Beckett. 
 
THE ''PALMY'' DAYS. 37 
 
 reached its highest phase in the writings of these consum- 
 mate jugglers with words. 
 
 Mr. H. B. Farnie had a considerable vogue in burlesque 
 from 1870 to 1885, but never displayed the neatness or the 
 spontaneity of the writers above mentioned. He was fluent, 
 but that was all. Mr. Alfred Thompson at one time did 
 good things in this direction, and so did Mr. Conway 
 Edwardes. Mr. G. A. Sala composed one burlesque, but 
 has not been induced to give it a successor. Mr. Herman 
 Merivale has been content to write two : that he has not 
 written more is to be regretted. Among other recent writers 
 of travestie may be named — Mr. Gilbert Arthur \ Beckett, 
 Mr. Harry Paulton, Mr. F. W. Green, Mr. Arthur Matthison, 
 Mr. Savile Clarke, Mr. W. Younge, Mr. Edward Rose, Mr. 
 Alfred Murray, Mr. Albert Chevalier, Mr. George Dance, 
 Mr. G. P. Hawtrey, Mr. Horace Lennard, Mr. Geoffrey 
 Thorn, and Mr. Cecil Raleigh. In the provinces great 
 successes have bee'n made by Mr. J. McArdle and Mr. 
 Wilton Jones. Of Messrs. Sims and Pettitt, Stephens and 
 Yardley, "Richard Henry/' and "A. C. Torr'' and H. Mills, 
 I shall have something to say when I come to consider 
 " The New Burlesque," of which they have been the 
 principal producers. If, within the last twenty years or so, 
 travestie has been confined to a smaller number of theatres 
 than before, and if it has been proportionately "depressed,'' 
 that has been owing, chiefly, to the popularity of comic 
 opera and farcical comedy, into the composition and expo- 
 sition of which has been thrown, of necessity, very much of 
 the talent which otherwise would have been devoted to the 
 writing and acting of burlesque. 
 
 On the whole, the days between 1831 and 1885 were, for 
 
38 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 burlesque, " palmy " days indeed. They produced not only 
 many admirable writers of the genre^ but many admirable 
 actors thereof. Planche was generous in his praise of the 
 artists who helped so greatly to make his pieces " go " ; and 
 he did well to be so, for never, I suppose, was a comic 
 writer so fortunate in his interpreters. During his first 
 years at the Olympic he had the aid of the incomparable 
 Vestris, of Rebecca Isaacs, of Miss Murray, of Mrs. 
 Macnamara, of Mrs. Honey, of John Brougham, of James 
 Bland, of James Vining, and of Charles James Mathews, — 
 all in the first rank of their art. At Covent Garden, from 
 1840 to 1843, the company included, at different times, not 
 only Mme. Vestris, Mrs. Macnamara, Brougham, Bland, 
 and Vining, but Harley, Wm. Harrison, Morris Barnett, 
 Selby, Miss Fairbrother, Miss Priscilla Horton, Mrs. C. 
 Jones, and Mrs. Alfred Wigan. At the Haymarket, during 
 the three years following, Planche had his ideas carried 
 out, not only by Bland and Miss Horton, and during one 
 year by Mme. Vestris and Charles Mathews, but also 
 by Caulfield, Widdicomb, Tilbury, Brindal, Braid, Julia 
 Bennett, Miss Reynolds, and Mrs. L. S. Buckingham. 
 Continuously lucky in this respect, Planche enjoyed — from 
 1847 to 1853, at the Lyceum — the services of Miss Fitz- 
 wilHam, Julia St. George, Miss Oliver, John Reeve, Robert 
 Roxby, Basil Baker, and Mr. and Mrs. Frank Matthews, in 
 addition to Vestris and Mathews and many others of the 
 artists named above. Finally, and best, when Planche 
 brought out, at the Olympic, his " Yellow Dwarf," his 
 *' Dis.creet Princess," and his " Young and Handsome," his 
 chief comedian was the " great little Robson," the fame of 
 whose tragi-comic outbursts still lingers among us, and who 
 
THE ''PALMY'' DAYS. 39 
 
 had for his successive supporters Horace Wigan, Emery, 
 James Rogers, JuHa St. George, Miss Maskell (Mrs. Walter 
 Baynham), and Miss Swanborough. 
 
 What, meanwhile, had been the personnel at the other 
 houses of burlesque ? At the Strand in the 'thirties, the. 
 great favourites were W. J. Hammond, H. Hall, Mitchell, 
 Oxberry, G. Cooke, Miss Daly, Miss Horton. At the Fitzroy 
 one finds Miss Chaplin and W. Rogers; at the Victoria, 
 Rogers and Mitchell; at the St. James's, Hall and Mme. Sala; 
 at Sadler's Wells, Rogers and C. H. Pitt ; at the Queen's, 
 T. F. Matthews and Mrs. Selby; and at the Adelphi, O 
 Smith, John Reeve, and Mrs. Stirling. Early in the 'forties 
 we see Wright and Paul Bedford moving from the Princess's 
 to the Adelphi, where Miss Chaplin and Miss Woolgar are 
 also located. At the Strand we find Wigan, Hammond, 
 and R. Romer. Later, we come across Keeley in burlesque 
 at the Haymarket, along with Bland, Miss Reynolds, and 
 Miss Horton. The second half of the century opens 
 brilliantly at the Strand, where Reeve, Rogers, Romer, and 
 Maskell are the male comedians, with Miss Marshall, Miss 
 Romer, Miss Maskell, and Mrs. Horsman as their helpmates. 
 Was not that a truly strong company ? And was not the 
 Adelphi fortunate, about the same time, in the possession 
 of Miss Woolgar, Miss Mary Keeley, Keeley himself, and 
 Paul Bedford ? At the Haymarket were Buckstone and 
 Mrs. Caulfield. Some of these may be names only to the 
 uninstructed reader ; but to the theatrical student they all 
 convey a world of meaning, conjuring up a multitude of 
 delightful associations. 
 
 When we come to 1856 we reach a landmark in the 
 history of burlesque acting. William Brough's " Perdita " is 
 
40 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 "put up" by Charles Dillon at the Lyceum, and in the 
 cast of it we find not only Miss Woolgar and the author, 
 but that very youthful actress Marie Wilton, and that rising 
 young comedian J. L. Toole. Here, then, is the beginning 
 of the modern regime, Robson and Julia St. George are 
 still playing at the Olympic ; but the " palmy " days of the 
 Strand Theatre are about to flash upon us. Marie Wilton 
 stays for another year at the Lyceum, but in 1858 she is 
 comfortably lodged at the little playhouse across the way, 
 together with Bland and Poynter and Mrs. Selby, and 
 Johnny Clarke, H. J. Turner, and Miss Ternan. In 1859 
 Charlotte Saunders is playing a mock Romeo to Marie 
 Wilton's mock Juliet, and Eleanor Bufton and Maria 
 Simpson and "Jii^^^y" Rogers are also members of the troupe 
 — the one troupe which can regard itself as the legitimate 
 successor to the Vestris-Mathews " combinations." In the 
 year following, a new star arises at the Lyceum in the 
 person of Lydia Thompson; at the St. James's are Nelly 
 Moore and Cecilia Ranoe and Charles Young ; at the 
 Haymarket are Chippendale, Compton, and C. Coghlan. 
 A few months more, and the name of Kate Terry appears 
 on the burlesque bill at the St. James's. Fanny Josephs and 
 E. Danvers have been added to the Strand establishment, 
 which shortly welcomes Fanny Hughes and Ada Swan- 
 borough, Polly Marshall and George Honey. 
 
 Next comes the turn of the little Royalty. We are in 
 1863, and Mr. Burnand's ^'Ixion" is announced, with 
 Jenny Wilmore in the title-part, David James as Mercury, 
 Felix Rogers as Minerva, Mrs. Charles Selby as the Queen, 
 and Ada Cavendish as Venus. Here, again, is a landmark, 
 not to be left unnoted ] here we have to record the first of 
 
THE ''PALMY'' DAYS, 41 
 
 many triumphs to come. Next year both David James 
 and Thomas Thome are in the troupe at the Strand, where 
 they are destined to remain till they open the Vaudeville 
 in 1870. In the year next again, the burlesque company at 
 the Olympic is seen to include a young actress of the name 
 of Ellen Farren, one day to become the chief tender of the 
 " sacred lamp " ; along with her are Amy Sheridan, Louisa 
 Moore, Patti Josephs, and Mrs. Stephens. [Meanwhile, the 
 Royalty has been running neck and neck with the Strand, 
 and growing greatly in public favour. By 1866 it is ripe 
 for another success — the most remarkable ever achieved 
 on the burlesque boards — secured by the " Black-eyed 
 Susan " of Mr. Burnand, with Fred Dewar as Captain Cross- 
 tree, Mr. Charles Wyndham as a Deal smuggler, Miss 
 Oliver as Susan, Miss Nellie Bromley as Dolly Mayflower, 
 and E. Dan vers as Dame Hatley. J After this one notes the 
 addition to the Strand troupe, first, of Miss Eliza Johnstone, 
 Miss Elise Holt, and Miss Weathersby ; and next, of Miss 
 Lydia Thompson. At the New Queen's in 1868, Miss 
 Kate Santley and Miss Henrietta Hodson are playing 
 burlesque with W. H. Stephens and " Lai " Brough. In 
 the same year the Gaiety Theatre is opened, by Mr. 
 John Hollingshead with a new burlesque by Mr. W. S. 
 Gilbert — ^' Robert the Devil," in which the leading character 
 is undertaken by Miss Ellen Farren. 
 
 From this date onwards it is not necessary to do more 
 than ^dicate a few salient points in connection with 
 burlesque acting in this country. The opening of the 
 Gaiety was the first step toward^ the expansion of the 
 Old burlesque into the New. In the following year Mr. 
 Edward Terry entered on an engagement at the Strand — 
 
42 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 an engagement which lasted till 1877, and did as much 
 for the progress of stage travestie as did that of Miss 
 Farren at the other house. In 1869 there was burlesque 
 at the Globe, with Edward Marshall and Miss Maggie 
 Brennan, and at the St. James's with Mrs. John Wood in 
 "La Belle Sauvage."* In 1870 Harry Paulton went to 
 the Strand; and at the Royalty were Rachel Sanger, Arthur 
 Wood, and Alfred Bishop. In 187 1 there was burlesque 
 at the Court, with Mile. D'Anka, Miss Oliver, Miss Kate 
 Bishop and Mr. Righton. At the Vaudeville, next year, 
 Miss Nelly Power and Miss Marie Rhodes were supporting 
 Messrs. James and Thorne; while at the Royalty were 
 Miss Emma Chambers, Miss Kate Phillips, and Miss 
 Harriett Coveney. 
 
 In 1873 Mr. E. W. Royce goes to the Gaiety, and Miss 
 Lottie Venne is seen at the Court in "The Happy Land." 
 At the Folly, next year, Mr. Edouin takes the fancy of 
 the town as the Heathen Chinee in Mr. Farnie's " Blue 
 Beard ; " Belmore, Mr. Odell, and Mr. Leonard Boyne all 
 essay to burlesque Mr. Irving as Hamlet ; and Miss Pattie 
 Laverne plays the hero in Mr. Burnand's " Ixion Re- 
 Wheeled." A " Robinson Crusoe," by Mr. Farnie, at the 
 Folly in 1876, brings to the front a droll Will Atkins in the 
 form of Mr. George Barrett. 
 
 In 1877, at the Gaiety, Edward Terry joins Miss Farren 
 and Mr. Royce, and in 1878 Selina Dolaro and G. W. 
 Anson are playing at the Folly in " Another Drink," while 
 Alma Stanley and Charles Groves are playing in "Venus'' 
 
 * An adaptation of John Brougham's American burlesque, " Poco- 
 hontas." Into this was introduced a travestie of the Bancroft's garden 
 scene in " School." Mr. Lionel Brough played Captain John Smith. 
 
THE ''PALMY'' DAYS, 43 
 
 at the Royalty. Miss Kate Vaughan, at the Gaiety, is 
 already beginning to revolutionise stage dancing, making 
 it at once graceful and decorous. At the Royalty, in 
 1880, are Miss Kate Lawler and Mr. Frank Wyatt ; at 
 the Gaiety are Mr. Dallas and Miss Gilchrist. In 1882, 
 Mr. Toole, who has not been seen in burlesque for 
 some time, takes part in a skit on rural melodrama. A 
 year later Mr. Harry Monkhouse figures at the Gaiety; 
 Mr. E. D. Ward and Miss Marie Linden first show, at 
 Toole's, their talent for travestie ; and Miss Laura 
 Linden does the same thing at the Strand. In 1884 
 Mr. Willie Edouin and Miss Alice Atherton make, in 
 *'The Babes," their first joint success in London; and 
 Mr. Edward Terry and Miss Kate Vaughan appear at the 
 Gaiety for the last time in burlesque. 
 
 It is from this point that we may date the foundation 
 of the New Burlesque, to which I shall return in my last 
 chapter. In the chapters that immediately follow we shall 
 be- able to see how numerous were the topics essayed by 
 burlesque writers in the " palmy " days, and also with how 
 much wit and humour those writers were able, for the 
 most part, to charge the stories that they told and the 
 pictures that they presented. 
 
III. 
 
 " CLASSICAL " BURLESQUE. 
 
 L T)LANCHE was not only the founder of modern bur- 
 X lesque : he was the originator, in particular, of that 
 form of travestie which is commonly described as "classical" 
 — which deals with the characteristics and adventures of the 
 gods and goddesses, heroes and heroines, of the Greek and 
 Latin mythology and fable. It is true that comic pieces 
 on classical subjects had been played in England before 
 Planche brought out, at the Olympic, his "Olympic Revels"* 
 (January 183 1). But these pieces were not burlesques in 
 the present-century sense of the word. Take, for example, 
 the "Midas" of Kane O'Hara, which, produced in 1762, 
 remained popular for so many years^and will always be 
 remembered as including the once famous ditty : — 
 
 Pray, goody, please to moderate the rancour of your tongue : 
 Why flash those sparks of fury from your eyes ? 
 
 Remember, where the judgment's weak the prejudice is strong, 
 A stranger why will you despise ? 
 
 i The gods and goddesses are presented in " Midas " in a 
 light more or less ludicrous, and the dialogue, songs, and 
 
 * In " Olympic Revels," as in some other pieces, Planchd had the 
 valuable assistance of Charles Dance. 
 
'^CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 45 
 
 choruses are flavoured with contemporary allusion, more or 
 less humorous. But the form given to the work is that of 
 the old-fashioned burlettaj Indeed, the chief merit of 
 " Midas," from a historical point of view, lies in the fact 
 that it was its successful revival, with Mme. Vestris as 
 Apollo, which, coupled with the publication of Colman 
 junior's story, " The Sun-Poker," suggested to Planche 
 the composition of his first "classical" burlesque. This 
 had for subject the story of Prometheus and Pandora, 
 and was remarkable, not only for the smooth flow of its 
 versification and the general refinement of its tone, but also 
 for the accuracy and consistency of the costumes, which 
 were throughout " classical," and therefore in strong contrast 
 to the haphazard, incongruous attire in which "classical'' 
 characters had hitherto been exhibited on the comic boards. 
 Prometheus and Pandora, I may note, figured later — in 
 1865 — as the leading personages in Mr. Reece's "Prome- 
 theus, or the Man on the Rock," * in which the writer 
 differed from his predecessor in admitting into his dialogue 
 a large infusion of the punning element. In this direction 
 Mr. Reece has always been proficient. Here are a few 
 specimens of his work, picked out at random : — 
 
 " Those steeds of yours will burn my house some day. 
 Fine animals." 
 
 " That leader came from Sestos ; 
 Standsy?r^ well, and so he counts as best ^os,'' 
 
 " What ! don't you think me handsome ? " 
 
 " Not very. 
 You've got red hair ! " 
 
 " Well, that's hair-red-ii^rir 
 
 * Byron also wrote a burlesque in which Prometheus figures — 
 ** Pandora's Box," seen at the Prince of Wales's in 1866. 
 
46 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 "Why, darn your impudence ! " 
 
 " There, stop your clatter. 
 With all your darning you'll not fuend the matter." 
 
 " A couch that's made 'midst buttercups, he's shy on ; 
 The verdant sward how could a dandy lie onl^' 
 
 " You jeer at Pallas 'cos she's strict and staid. 
 With all your railing you'll need Pallas^ aid ! " 
 
 Planch^'s " Olympic Revels '^ proved so brilliantly suc- 
 cessful that he was encouraged to follow it up, at the end 
 of the year, with a companion composition — " Olympic 
 Devils, or Orpheus and Eurydice." In this work, James 
 Bland, the son of the lady who *' created " Planche's Coque- 
 tinda, made his first appearance in burlesque, and among 
 the female Bacchantes who took part in the groupings was 
 a clever young girl, named Leonora Pincott, who was des- 
 tined one day to be a great public favourite as " Mrs. Alfred 
 Wigan." In " Olympic Devils " Planche's style is seen to 
 excellent effect. Note, as an instance, the remarks addressed 
 by Minos, Lord Low Chancellor, to the Fates v — 
 
 I vow you Fates are most industrious spinsters ! 
 Miss Clotho there — man's destiny beginning — 
 Life's thread at tea, like a tee-totum spinning. 
 And then Miss Lachesis that same thread measures. 
 Taking great pains, but giving little pleasures. 
 Last comes Miss Atropos, her part fulfilling, 
 And cuts poor mortals off without a shilling. 
 The saddest sister of the fatal three, 
 Daughter, indeed, of shear necessity 1 
 Plying her awful task with due decorum, 
 A never-ceasing game of " sijip-snap-snonim " ! 
 For help, alas ! man pleads to her in vain — 
 Her motto's " Cut and never come again." 
 
^^ CLASSICAL" BURLESQUE. 47 
 
 Elsewhere Orpheus says to Eurydice : — 
 
 I am a lunatic for lack of thee ! 
 
 Mad as a March hare — oh, ma chere amie ! 
 
 But Planche had a higher wit than that of punning. His 
 satire and sarcasm have an agreeable, because not too 
 pungent, cynicism — as in such little scraps of song as this 
 (following upon the scene in which Orpheus, hearing that 
 his wife is flirting with Pluto, cannot resist looking back 
 at her and thus consigning her again to Pluto's tender 
 mercies) : — 
 
 Orpheus. I have looked back — in your snare I am caught, sir — 
 
 Pluto, thou'st cut a fond pair to the core ! 
 
 Oh, have I come all this way to be taught, sir, 
 
 That folks who would thrive must keep looking before ? 
 
 Euryd. You have looked back— in the snare you are caught, sir — 
 They who cheat him, faith, have none to cheat more ! 
 A man of the world — have you yet to be taught, sir, 
 
 When your wife flirts behind you, to look straight before ? 
 
 In after years H. J. Byron wrote two burlesques on the 
 legend of Orpheus and his wife, both of them produced at 
 the Strand Theatre,* and it is notable that when Planche 
 made, in 1865, at the Haymarket, his last appearance as a 
 writer of extravaganza, it fell to his lot to treat once more 
 of Orpheus and his surroundings.! ' 
 
 Planche's third classical burlesque was " The Paphian 
 Bower, or Venus and Adonis," in which Benjamin Webster 
 
 * In 1863 and 1871. 
 
 t " Orpheus in the Haymarket." An opera buffo, founded on the 
 French of Hector Cremieux. Performed, with music by Offenbach, 
 by David Fisher, W. Farren, Louise Keeley, Nelly Moore, and Miss 
 H. Lindley. 
 
48 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 was seen for the first time in this class of histrionic work. 
 Mme. Vestris, of course, was Venus, and in the course 
 of the piece had to sing this eminently clever parody of 
 " Sally in our Alley " :— 
 
 Of all the swains that are so smart, 
 I dearly love Adonis ; 
 
 And pit-a-pat will go my heart, 
 Till he bone of my bone is. 
 
 No buckskin'd beau of Melton Mow- 
 bray rides so capitally. 
 
 Oh, he's the darling of my heart, 
 And he hunts in our valley ! 
 
 Jupiter and the neighbours all 
 
 Make game of me and Doney ; 
 But, notwithstanding, I with him 
 
 Contemplate matrimony. 
 For he can play on the cornet. 
 
 And sing most musically ; 
 And not a Duke in all the land 
 
 Can beat him at ** Aunt Sally." 
 
 Venus and Adonis have always beeA great favourites with 
 the producers of travestie. Among those who have made 
 them the central figures of burlesque are Mr. Burnand, 
 whose work was brought out in 1864, and Mr. Edward 
 Rose, whose "Venus," written in collaboration with the 
 Mr. Augustus Harris, and first performed at the Royalty 
 in 1879 (with Miss Nelly Bromley as the heroine), was 
 re-written for revival, and finally taken as the foundation 
 of a third production in 1880. 
 
 In "The Deep, Deep Sea," brought out in 1833, Blanche 
 selected as the basis of his work the story of Perseus and 
 Andromeda. He treated it with his usual reverence for 
 the original legend. He represented Juno and the Nereids 
 
^'CLASSICAL" BURLESQUE. 49 
 
 as being angry with King Cepheus, and sending the sea- 
 serpent to devastate his shores. James Vining played the 
 Serpent, and his approach was announced to the monarch 
 in the following strain :-— 
 
 Mighty monarch, stir your stumps as if Old Nick were following : 
 A serpent with an awful twist has landed on youi* shore ; 
 
 Our gallant soldiers, guns and all, by regiments he's swallowing ; 
 And munching up musicians and composers by the score ! 
 
 Of counsel learned in the law but brief work he is making — 
 Apothecaries just as they were pills, sir, he is taking ; 
 He snaps the parson right in two, as well as his oration ; 
 And ere the beadle bolts the door, he bolts the congregation ! 
 
 Mighty monarch, stir your stumps, for court and caravansary 
 Are emptied of inhabitants all crazy with affright ; 
 
 The monster he is longer far than any suit in Chancery, 
 And beats the Court of Aldermen, by chalks, for appetite ! 
 
 The Serpent, when he arrives, introduces himself to the 
 king in an engaging fashion : — 
 
 All bones but yours will rattle when I say 
 
 I am the sea serpent from America. 
 
 Mayhap you've heard that I've been round the world ; 
 
 I guess I'm round it now, mister, twice curled. . . . 
 
 Of all the moftsters through the deep that splash, 
 
 I'm *' number one " to all immortal smash. 
 
 When I lie down, and would my length unroll, 
 
 There ar'n't half room enough 'twixt pole and pole. 
 
 In short, I grow so long that I've a notion 
 
 I must be measured soon for a new ocean. 
 
 The exaggeration which is so characteristic of American 
 humour is here happily satirised. In another passage, 
 Perseus, addressing himself to Andromeda, sings a neatly 
 turned parody of " We met— 'twas in a Crowd " : — 
 
 W.L.-V, . 
 
50 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 We met ! 'twas at the ball, 
 
 Upon last Easter Monday ; 
 I press'd you to be mine, 
 
 And you said, " Perhaps, one day." 
 I danced with you the whole 
 
 Of that night, and you only ; 
 Ah, ne'er ' ' cavalier seul " 
 
 Felt more wretched and lonely. 
 For when I squeezed your hand. 
 
 As we turned one another. 
 You frown'd and said, * ' Have done ! 
 
 Or I'll speak to my mother ! " 
 
 They called the Spanish dance, 
 
 And we flew through it fleetly — 
 'Twas o'er — I could not breathe, 
 
 For you'd blown me completely. 
 I led you to a seat 
 
 Far away from the dancers ; 
 Quadrilles again began, 
 
 They were playing ** the Lancers " ; 
 Again I squeteed your hand, 
 
 And my anguish to smother ^ 
 You smiled, and said, " Dear Sir, 
 
 You may speak to my mother." 
 
 In 1 86 1 Perseus and Andromeda reappeared upon the 
 comic stage at the instance of William Brough, who made 
 them the hero and heroine of a burlesque at the St. James's. 
 
 The story of Telemachus was the subject which engaged 
 the attention of Planch^ immediately after he had done with 
 Perseus. Fdnelon's tale had become extremely familiar to 
 the British schoolboy, who at that time was not thought 
 to have " grounded " himself sufficiently in French until he 
 had read the narrative in the original. Hence Planch^'s 
 " Telemachus, or the Island of Calypso," * concerning which 
 
 * Played at the Olympic in 1834. 
 
*' CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 51 
 
 the author took credit to himself once more for having 
 " preserved the well-known plot with the most reverential 
 fidelity." Ten years later the same subject was treated in 
 the " Telemachus " of Stirling Coyne, played at the Adelphi 
 with. Miss Woolgar in the title-part, AVright as Calypso 
 (a ballet-dancer !) and Paul Bedford as the hero's Mentor 
 or " tor-Mentor." In 1863 the story of the parents of 
 Telemachus proved attractive to Mr. Burnand, whose 
 " Patient Penelope " made her curtsey at the Strand, to be 
 followed at the St. James's, two years later, by the same 
 writer's " Ulysses." 
 
 Still tracing the course of Planche's labours in burlesque, 
 we come next to the production, at the Haymarket in 1845, 
 of " The Golden Fleece " — perhaps, on the whole, the most 
 delightful of the series. In this ingenious and brilliant piece, 
 the two parts of which were entitled respectively "Jason 
 in Colchis " and " Medea in Corinth," Planche had taken 
 the narrative of Apollonius Rhodius and the tragedy of 
 Euripides, and had built upon them a composition in 
 which he sought less to cast ridicule upon the legends 
 selected than to travestie what he called ** the modus operandi 
 of the classical period, which really illustrates the old pro- 
 verbial observation that there is but one step from the 
 sublime to the ridiculous." He brought again upon the stage 
 the ancient Chorus, incarnated in a single person, who 
 explained the action of the piece as it went on, not hesi- 
 tating even to interrupt it when the humorous opportunity 
 occurred. Charles Mathews undertook the part, heralded 
 by a jocose announcement on the "bills " to the effect that 
 "The lessee has, regardless of expense, engaged Mr. Charles 
 Mathews to represent the whole body of the chorus, rendering 
 
52 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 at least fifty-nine male voices entirely unnecessary." In the 
 opening scene, the Chorus thus described his functions : — 
 
 Friends, countrymen, lovers, first listen to me : 
 
 I'm the Chorus ; whatever you hear or you see 
 
 That you don't understand, I shall rise to explain — 
 
 It's a famous old fashion that's come up again, 
 
 And will be of great service to many fine plays 
 
 That nobody can understand nowadays ; 
 
 And think what a blessing if found intervening, 
 
 When the author himself scarcely knows his own meaning. 
 
 You may reap from it, too, an advantage still further : 
 
 When an actor is bent upon marriage or murther. 
 
 To the Chorus his scheme he in confidence mentions, 
 
 'Stead of telling the pit all his secret intentions ; 
 
 A wondrous improvement you all will admit, 
 
 And the secret is just as well heard by the pit. 
 
 Verbum sat, — To the wise I'll not put one more word in, 
 
 Or instead of a Chorus, they'll think me a burden. 
 
 Later in the piece, announcing the approach of King ^etes 
 
 (Bland), the Chorus interposed with : — 
 
 ^etes comes, looking as black as thunder. 
 
 And when you hear the cause you'll say " No wonder " ; 
 
 For Jason, aided by Medea's spell, 
 
 Has done the trick, and done the King as well. 
 
 You'll think, perhaps, you should have seen him do it, 
 
 But 't isn't classical — you'll hear, not view it. 
 
 Whatever taxed their talents or their means, 
 
 These sly old Grecians did behind the scenes ; 
 
 So, fired with their example, boldly we 
 
 Beg you'll suppose whate'er you wish to see. 
 
 Elsewhere occurred this famous bit of badinage between 
 
 King and Chorus : — 
 
 Chorus. Be calm, great King — 'tis destiny's decree. 
 y^etes. How dare you talk of destiny to me I 
 What right have you with such advice to bore us ? 
 Chorus. Sir, I'm the Chorus. 
 Metes, Sir, you're indecorous. 
 
''CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 53 
 
 In the course of the piece Mathews sang, among other 
 things, an excellent ditty, to the tune of " The Tight Little 
 Island'':— 
 
 'Twas very ungrateful, you'll say, sir, 
 But, alas ! of the world it's the way, sir, 
 When all a friend can, you have done for a man, 
 He'll cut you quite dead the next day, sir. 
 
 But perhaps the most successful parody in " The Golden 
 Fleece" was that on "The Fine Old English Gentleman," 
 assigned to Mme. Vestris as Medea. This is worth 
 quoting in full : — 
 
 I'll tell you a sad tale of the life I've been led of late, 
 By the false Boeotian Boatswain, of whom I am the mate : 
 Who quite forgets the time when I pitied his hard fate 
 And he swore eternal constancy by all his gods so great ; 
 
 Like a fine young Grecian gentleman, 
 
 One of the classic time ! 
 
 Now he lives in a fine lodging, in the palace over there. 
 Whilst I and his poor children are poked in a back two-pair ; 
 And though he knows I've scarcely got a second gown to wear, 
 He squanders on another woman every farthing he's got to spare, 
 
 Like a false young Grecian gentleman, 
 
 One of the classic time. 
 
 He leaves me to darn his stockings, and mope in the house all day. 
 Whilst he treats her to see " Antigone," with a box at the Grecian play, 
 Then goes off to sup with Corinthian Tom, or whoever he meets by 
 
 the way. 
 And staggers home in a state of beer, like (I'm quite ashamed to say) 
 A fine young Grecian gentleman, 
 One of the classic time. 
 
 Then his head aches all the next day, and he calls the children a 
 
 plague and a curse. 
 And makes a jest of my misery, and says, "I took him for better or 
 
 worse " : 
 
54 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 And if I venture to grumble, he talks, as a matter of course, 
 Of going to Modern Athens, and getting a Scotch divorce I 
 
 Like a base young Grecian gentleman, 
 
 One of the classic time. 
 
 " Medea," it v^ill be remembered, was the title and sub- 
 ject of a burlesque by Robert Brough, brought out at the 
 Olympic in 1856, with Robson in the title-part, Emery as 
 Creon (King of Corinth), and Julia St. George as Jason. 
 Medea (" the best of mothers, with a brute of a husband," 
 as the sub-title has it) was one of Robson's most impressive 
 roles, being charged at more than one point (notably in the 
 closing scene, which was played by all the characters in 
 serious fashion) with real tragic intensity. In the lighter 
 vein were such episodes as the duet with Jason (to the air 
 of " Robinson Crusoe "), which I quote as illustrative of the 
 neatness and humour with which Brough constructed such 
 trifles : — 
 
 Medea. I have done for this man 
 
 All that tenderness can, 
 I have followed him half the world through, sir ; 
 
 I've not seen him this year, 
 
 And the first thing I hear 
 Is *' he's going to marry Creusa." 
 
 Going to marry Creusa, 
 
 Going to marry Creusa, 
 
 Ting a ting ting ! 
 
 Ting a ting ting ! 
 All I can say, sir, is, do, sir. 
 
 Jason, If you'll take my advice, 
 
 You'll pack up in a trice, 
 Nor of time to pack off be a loser ; 
 
 For the popular wrath 
 
 Will be likely to froth 
 'Gainst a foe to myself or Creusa. 
 
^^ CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 55 i 
 
 I am going to marry Creusa, '*! 
 
 And, believe me, the best thing for you's a ] 
 
 Fast ship to bespeak, d 
 
 And some desert isle seek, "^ 
 
 Like a sort of she Robinson Cruiser. .] 
 
 r t^ 
 
 'The last of Planch^'s classical burlesques was produced 1 
 
 at the Lyceum in 1848j.It was on the subject of " Theseus '■ 
 
 and Ariadne," and was fortunate in the services of Charles 
 
 Mathews as Daedalus. In this character Mathews sang a ^ 
 
 song which Planch^ had written for private performance ' 
 
 and had brought " down to date " for the occasion. It is \ 
 
 one of the happiest melanges ever put together, beginning — : 
 
 -\ 
 
 I'm still in a flutter — I scarcely can utter \ 
 
 The words to my tongue that come dancing — come dancing ; ' 
 I've had such a dream that I'm sure it must seem 
 
 To incredulous ears like romancing — romancing. ^ 
 
 No doubt it was brought on by that Madame Wharton, | 
 
 Who muddled me quite with her models — her models ; ' \ 
 
 Or Madame Tussaud, who in waxwork can show S_ 
 
 Of all possible people the noddles — the noddles. -\ 
 
 The only song, of the kind, worthy to compare with this, ^-^ 
 
 is the description of the Heavy Dragoon sung by Colonel I 
 Calverly in the " Patience " of Mr. Gilbert, who, as a 
 
 master of light badinage and intricate rhythm and rhyme, ;- 
 
 is the lineal descendant of the author of "Theseus and \ 
 
 Ariadne.'' ^ \ 
 CAfter Planche, the most notable of the deceased writers , 
 of "classical" burlesque is undoubtedly Francis Talfourd. \ 
 Planche's knowledge of the Greek mythology and drama 
 was admittedly derived from translations and from dic- 
 tionaries; Talfourd was a university man, and had an 
 at-first-hand acquaintance with the masterpieces which he 
 
 e 
 
56 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 so skilfully travestied. The marks of this are visible in 
 all his " classical " pieces, and notably in the first of them — 
 "Alcestis, the Original Strong-minded Woman, being a 
 most Shameless Misinterpretation of the Greek drama of 
 Euripides/' This was played at the Strand in 1850. The 
 " argument " prefixed to it is an excellent bit of punning : — 
 
 Admetus, being due to Death, and as such totally unprepared to 
 take himself up, is about to betake himself down, according to previous 
 arrangement, when Orcus, who had meanwhile been trying his mean 
 wiles on Alcestis (Admetus' very much better half), expresses himself 
 willing to receive her as a substitute; her husband, friends, and relations 
 not fe«ling quite so disposed to be disposed of. Alcestis, however, 
 consents, packs up her traps, and then obligingly goes packing down 
 . those of Orcus. At this melancholy juncture, Hercules chances to be 
 passing through Thessaly, on his return from his provincial engage- 
 ments, and, having a knack of turning up a trump at a 7'ttbi plays his 
 club so judiciously as to retake the queen, in spite of the deuce, and 
 restores her to her family and friends. 
 
 In the dialogue of "Alcestis" we have such quips as 
 these : — 
 
 E'en like a detonator down he goes 
 To pay the debt o" natur which he owes. 
 
 To curb my rising love I idly tries, 
 I eyes the idol that I idolise I 
 
 I may be captivating ; but Death, stronger, 
 Will not be kept-a-vaiting any longer. 
 
 I'd no time to aggravate Mamma, 
 
 Or make my Pa ray foe by d. faux pas ! 
 
 In one place Alcestis, apropos of the marriage which is 
 being forced upon her, cries bitterly : — 
 
 Why was I ever saddled W\\h this bridal} 
 
^^ CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE, 57 
 
 Phaedra sings a parody on " Fm afloat, Tm afloat ! " : — 
 
 I'm a flirt, I'm a flirt, yet on thirty's bright side, 
 And numbers have offer'd to make me their bride ; 
 Yet, though suitors don't flag in attention to me, 
 I'm a flirt, I'm a flirt, and my hand is yet free ! 
 
 In 185 1 came "Thetis and Peleus," in which Talfourd 
 had a collaborator. In 1857 he produced, at the Hay- 
 market, " Atalanta, or the Three Golden Apples,'' inserting 
 in the " bill " a comic note to the efl'ect that " Lest he 
 should be accused of murdering a good subject, the Author 
 begs to state that it was Foun' Ded from unknown causes 
 many years ago." Miss Oliver was the Atalanta, and 
 Miss Wilton the Cupid. Among the other characters is 
 Mississarris, Atalanta's duenna, "the Guard of the Old 
 Greek Stage, with, in this instance, an eye to the Males, 
 subsequently attached to the old Coach, Paidagogos," 
 played by Compton. One of the cleverest scenes in the 
 piece is designed and written in parody of the balcony 
 scene in "Romeo and Juliet." Hippomenes, the hero, 
 is seen climbing "over the garden wall," guitar in hand. 
 Descending, he soliloquises : — 
 
 He jests at scars who ne'er in climbing hit upon 
 
 A place with spikes and broken glass to sit upon. 
 
 But soft, a light ! — where lights are there's a liver. 
 
 'Tis she ! I'll try a gentle hint to give her 
 
 Upon my mandoline, though I'm afraid 
 
 I'm somewhat too hoarse for a serenade. 
 
 This night air is too musical by far, 
 
 And on my chest has struck a light catarrh. . . . 
 
 Ah, see ! The window opens — it is she. 
 
 More fair than ever in her robe de nuU, 
 
 {Atalanta appears on balcony above, ) 
 
5^ A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 She speaks— yet nothing says ! She's not to blame, 
 
 Members of Parliament do much the same. 
 
 Her mouth rests on her hand — I'm not above 
 
 Wishing I were upon that hand a glove. 
 
 Gladly the storms of Poverty I'd weather, 
 
 So we might live from hand to mouth together ! 
 
 Elsewhere Hippomenes delivers himself of a superexcellent 
 pun. Some one says to him, referring to his studies, — " But 
 think of your degree " ; to which he replies : — 
 
 I do — and see 
 'Tis a degree too far-in-height for me. 
 
 After "Atalanta"^cameTalfourd's "Pluto and Proserpine, 
 or the Belle and the Pomegranate," played at the Hay- 
 market in 1858, and his " Electra in an Electric Light," 
 performed at the Haymarket the year following. In "Pluto 
 and Proserpine," as in his other pieces, the original myth 
 is followed closely. One passage supplies a happy parody 
 of the famous "palace-lifting-to-eternal-summer" speech in 
 "The Lady of Lyons." Pluto has appeared to Proserpine 
 as a young man, and has laid siege to her heart in proper 
 form. He is careful not to disclose his identity. At last 
 Proserpine says : — 
 
 But I must know at least, sir, where you lodge. 
 Pluto [aside), I'll try the popular Claude Melnotte dodge. 
 
 ( Walks her across the stage^ as Claude does Pauline.) 
 If, therefore, dearest, you would have me paint 
 My residence exactly {aside) as it ain't, 
 {Aloud) I would entreat you, Proserpine, to come where 
 A palace lifting to eternal — somewhere — 
 Its marble halls invites us. 
 
 * Of recent years Atalanta has been made the heroine of a 
 burlesque by Mr. G. P. Hawtrey. Of this I give some account in my 
 final chapter on " The New Burlesque." 
 
 1 
 
'^ CLASSICAL" BURLESQUE. 59 
 
 Froserp, By-the-bye, 
 
 Where is this place ? 
 
 -Pluto (embarrassed}. In the Isle of Skye. 
 Thy days all cloudless sunshine shall remain, 
 For on our pleasure we will ne'er draw rein ; 
 At noon we'd sit beneath the vine-arched bowers, 
 And, losing all our calculating powers, 
 Think days but minutes — reckoning time by ours ; 
 Darkness shall be at once with light replaced, 
 When my hand lights on that light taper waist ; 
 Our friends shall all true constant lovers be 
 (So we should not be bored with company) ; 
 Love's Entertainments only would we seek, 
 And, sending up to Mudie's once a week, 
 No tales that were not Lover's we'd bespeak, 
 No sentiments in which we were not sharers 
 (Think what a lot of rubbish that would spare us). . . . 
 Dost like the picture, love, or are you bored ? 
 
 Proserp, Beautiful ! 
 
 Pluto {aside), 'Tis a copy after Claude, 
 
 " Pluto and Proserpine '' has the usual supply of puns, as 
 in the following couplet : — 
 
 Diana. You never weigh a word, dear, you're so wild. 
 Proserp. You used to call me such a ivayward child. 
 
 But Talfourd, like Planch^, could rise above mere jeux 
 d^esprit, and furnish, when necessary, bits of persiflage 
 which deserve to linger in the memory. Thus, in one of 
 the scenes, Pluto addresses Cerberus in a fashion intended 
 to suggest Launce's colloquy with his dog in " The Two 
 Gentlemen of Verona " :-^ 
 
 You've yet to learn the notions of propriety, 
 
 Observed by dogs in upper -air society ; 
 
 So I'll exhibit in a bird's eye view 
 
 Th' ordeal well-bred puppies must go through. 
 
6o A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Your thoughts you show too openly — on earth 
 They oft are saddest who display most mirth ; 
 You must by no means growl to mark resentment, 
 Or wag your tail in token of contentment ; 
 When most you're doing wrong, be most polite, 
 And ne'er your teeth show less than when you bite, 
 So may you still enjoy, when youth is past, 
 The sunshine of your dog-days to the last. 
 
 I have already referred to three classical burlesques by 
 H. J. Byron. A fourth exists in the "original classical 
 pastoral" called "Pan," which first saw the light at the 
 Adelphi in 1865. Pan, it may be recorded, was impersonated 
 by Mr. J. L. Toole. He had a good deal to say, and much 
 of it was in the form oi jeux de mots. Take, for example, 
 the passage in which Pan discovers that Syrinx, whom he 
 loves, is in love with Narcissus. He calls down thunder 
 from the skies ; and then follows this tirade : — 
 
 Narcissus, What means this sudden dreadful change, I wonder ? 
 
 Pan. It means, great Pan is outraged ! 
 
 Omnes, Pan ! 
 
 Pan. Ah, Pan ! 
 
 Beware his hate and jealousy, young man. 
 Blight shall o'erwhelm ye ! See, your native corn 
 Turns into ashes with my withering scorn. 
 Your wheat shall shrink and shrivel, every sheaf; 
 Your cattle swell the <:«/?//^logue of grief; 
 With murrain all your sheep rot in their pens, 
 The pip shall finish all your cocks and hens ; 
 Dry rot shall spoil your flails, your ploughs, and harrows. 
 Break up your waggons ; even your w^^^Z-barrows 
 Shall come to woe. 
 
 Your land shall grow so hard, in vain you tills. 
 Like lazy volunteers, with weakish wills. 
 It will object to being bored by drills. 
 Your turnip-tops shan't spring up from the roots, 
 Your rye shall grow awry, your corn shan't shoot, 
 
* '^ CLASSICAL" BURLESQUE. 6i 
 
 Your peas, towards which the Arcadian feeder leans, 
 Become things of the /^j/, and all turn beans. 
 Ha, ha ! the prospect cuts you to the core, 
 Probes, punctures, penetrates. — Pour, torrents, pour ! 
 Descend, ye hailstones, bumpers, thumpers, fizzers; 
 It cuts you like a knife^ doesn't it, 'iH^x-scissors ? 
 
 This is a very fair specimen of Byron's rather careless 
 method; and another is at hand in the following lines, 
 which are spoken after the Carian captain has shown to 
 Pan a jar of wine : — 
 
 Captain. That's wine. 
 
 Pan. What's wine ? 
 
 Captain. A fluid very rare ; 
 
 It's unknown here ; we bring it from afar ; 
 Don't speak a word of thanks — there, hold yoxix jar. . . . 
 
 Fan, The jar's a most uncommon sort of shape, 
 {Smells it) Oh, oh ! may I be shot if it ain't grape ! 
 
 l^Tastes it, and smacks his lips, 
 GoUopshus I {drinks). More gollopshus than the first ! 
 It quenches, yet somehow increases, thirst. 
 {Drinks) Talk about nectar. These celestial fellers 
 Have no such drink as this stuff in their cellars. 
 I must bid Ganymede to earth to fly — 
 Ganymede, hxvs\.-g an immed-vdXt, supply. 
 
 [Drinks, and becomes gradually elevated — hiccups. 
 Nectar celestial drink's supposed to be ; 
 It's called divine — this is de vine for me ! 
 
 {Sings^ We'll drown it in the bowl ! {Staggers) I see twQ bottles I 
 I only wish I'd got a pair of throttles ! 
 My, everything's in two ! As for that there tree, 
 It was a single tree, it's now a pair tree. 
 That bay I thought Arcadian — but, I say. 
 It seems to me, my friend, you're Dublin bay. 
 Fact, 'tis a pair of bays. The earth seems reeling, 
 While this is still so gently o'er me stealing. 
 
 To the burlesques by William Brough already mentioned 
 may be added " Endymion, or the Naughty Boy who cried 
 
62 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 < 
 for the Moon" (St. James's, i860), and "Pygmalion, or the 
 
 Statue Fair" (Strand, 1867). /The former,*' of course, has 
 
 to do with the fabled fondness of Diana for Endymion, and 
 
 vice versct. The goddess sees the youth lying asleep upon 
 
 Mount Latmos, and, descending, kisses him : — 
 
 Strange weakness — thus my beams so bright to dim ! 
 
 I should be more myself — not beam der him. 
 
 The gods all mock my silvery splendour paling ; 
 
 Not silvery, but irony, their railing. 
 
 Paling and railing ! — what dread fears that calls up, 
 
 Their bitter raillery suggesting AlVs up ! 
 
 Before Endymion has seen Diana, he is asked by Actseon 
 whether he is in love ; to which he replies : — 
 
 Oh, no ! We men of fashion 
 Have long ago forsworn the tender passion. 
 We can't afford it. 
 
 Acta. Why not ? 
 
 Endym. Well, a wife 
 
 May suit folks in the lower walks of life ; 
 But in our station, what girls seek in marriage 
 Is not a walk in life ; — they want a carriage. 
 Then, what with dress and crinoline extensive, 
 The sex which should be dear becomes expensive. 
 Once hearts were trumps ; — that suit no more we follow; 
 Since a good suit of diamonds beats them hollow. 
 
 Here he drops into a parody of " Our Hearts are not our 
 Own to Give " :— 
 
 Our hearts we've not alone to give, 
 
 When we to wed incline ; 
 In lowly cots on love to live. 
 
 In poetry sounds fine. 
 
 * Miss Herbert was Diana, and Miss Kate Terry one of the 
 nymphs attending on her. Charles Young was Acteeon ; Belmore, 
 Pan. 
 
^^ CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 63 
 
 But folks to live on love have ceased ; 
 
 Our hearts when we'd bestow, 
 Some hundreds sterling, at the least, 
 
 Should with the fond hearts go. 
 
 When, again, Actseon asks Endymion whether he ever 
 shoots^ he replies, " No, I don't care about it " : — 
 
 Act(2» Not care for shooting, man? What's life without it? 
 All nature shoots. Say, what's the earliest thing 
 Boys learn at school ? Why, shooting in the ring. 
 The seed you sow must shoot before it grows ; 
 We feel the very corns shoot on our toes. 
 We shoot our bolts, our game, our foes — what not ? 
 We're told where even rubbish may be shot. 
 The stars shoot in the sky — nay, I've heard say, 
 Folks sometimes shoot the moon on quarter-day. 
 
 Among the personce, in the piece is Pan, whom we find 
 addressing the fauns in this punning style : — 
 
 Oh long-ear'd, but short-sighted fauns, desist ; 
 To the great Pan, ye little pitchers, list ; 
 Pan knows a thing or two. In point of fact, 
 He's a deep Pan — and anything but cracked. 
 A perfect oracle Pan deems himself ; he 
 Is earthenwarish — so, of course, is deify. 
 Trust, then, to Pan your troubles to remove ; 
 A warming- Pan he'll to your courage prove. 
 A prophet, he foresees the ills you'd fear ; 
 So for them all you have your Pan-a-seer. 
 
 In " Pygmalion " * we are asked to suppose that Venus is 
 indignant with the sculptor for his lack of susceptibility to 
 female charms. Cupid, therefore undertakes to punish 
 him by making him fall in love with his new statue, 
 
 * Miss Raynham was the hero ; Mr. David James, his apprentice 
 Cambyses ; Mr. Thomas Thome, the Princess Mandane ; Miss Ada 
 Swanborough, Venus ; Miss Elsie Holt, Cupid ; and MisK Eliza 
 Johnstone, Mopsa. 
 
64 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Galatea. To this statue Venus, at Pygmalion's request, 
 gives life ; but she withholds the power of loving. Galatea, 
 therefore, is for ever slighting the sculptor's affection. 
 Here is the opening of their first interview, which the 
 curious may compare with the similar situation in Mr. 
 Gilbert's "Pygmalion and Galatea:" — 
 
 Pygnial. My beautiful — my own ! {embracing her). 
 
 Statue. Oh ! don't, sir, please ; 
 
 I'm sure I'm much too soft to stand a squeeze. 
 
 Pygmjal. Too soft ! What mean you ? 
 
 Statue. Nay, I hardly know. 
 
 I was so firm and hard an hour ago ; 
 Suddenly I grew soft 
 
 PygmaL Nay, speak no farder. 
 
 You're getting softer but renews my (h) ardour ; 
 Unrivalled maid ! 
 
 Statue. You rivals talk about, 
 
 Who've done your best yourself to cut me out; 
 With chisel — mallet — sir, 'tis my conviction. 
 Your mallet ought to have my mal/et-diction. 
 
 Pygmat. Your sculptor, amorous, implores you madly. 
 
 Statue. Yes ! sculptors {h)ammer-us poor statues sadly ; 
 Yet I ne'er felt it till an hour ago ; 
 I stood f heigho I there in your stud-i-Oy 
 Within a niche 1 
 
 PygmaL Speak on, oh form bewitching ! 
 
 Statue. Standing the niche-in, straight I felt an itching ; 
 Throughout my frame a feeling seemed to tingle, 
 Bade me go forth with human kind to mingle. 
 
 PygmaL Oh, joy ! 'twas life ! and life you must go through 
 with me. 
 
 Statue. Well, having made me, what d'ye mean to do with me ? 
 Of course I can't disparage what you've done ; 
 But say, can I dis parish claim upon ? 
 Or must I trust of casual wards the mercy ? 
 Have I a settlement, or vice versy ? 
 
 PygmaL Come to my arms 1 
 
^^ CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 65 
 
 Statue, Nay, as the matter stands, 
 
 It's not your arms — I'm left upon your hands. 
 What's to be done with me ? I never sought 
 Into a human figure to be wrought. 
 You're great at figures ; I, a wretched sad stone. 
 Know nought of figures — I'm far from a Glad-stone ! 
 
 In the end, Psyche infuses soul into Galatea, and she 
 and the sculptor understand each other. 
 
 In 1883 Mr. H. P. Stephens submitted to Gaiety 
 audiences a one-act piece which he called " Galatea, or 
 Pygmalion Re-versed." In this Galatea was the sculptor, 
 and Pygmalion the statue; and with Miss Farren as the 
 former, and Mr. Edward Terry as the latter, the result was 
 eminently laughable. Cynisca, by the way, was turned into 
 a man (Cyniscos), and was played by Elton. 
 
 Two mythological burlesques stand to the credit of 
 Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett— " The Son of the Sun, or the 
 Fate of Phaeton," played at the Fitzroy Theatre so long ago 
 as 1834 ; and " The Three Graces," a two-act piece, seen 
 at the Princess's in 1843, with Oxberry, Wright, and Paul 
 Bedford in the cast. Both of these travesties are very 
 smoothly and gracefully written, with fewer puns than the 
 author afterwards permitted himself. " The Three Graces," 
 moreover, is not very prolific in contemporary allusion; 
 though here and there, as in the following passage, 
 between the heroines — Aglaia, Thalia, and Euphrosyne — 
 there is some gentle satire : — 
 
 Agl. Euphrosyne, we shall be miss'd by Venus. 
 
 Eup. With her we easily can make our peace. 
 If something, her attractions to increase. 
 We take from earth. 
 
 Agl. Why, yes, that's very true. 
 
 If we could only meet w th something new. 
 
 '-- 5 
 
66 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Eup, That mixture for the hair, what is it call'd ? 
 It's advertised as ** solace for the bald." 
 
 Agl, I'll take her some of that. 
 
 Eup. Or what's that's stuff— 
 
 For which, I saw the other day a puff? 
 Something to be upon the features sprinkled, 
 And offering " Consolation to the wrinkled." 
 
 Tha. Venus don't want such aids. 
 
 Eup, That's very true ; 
 
 Want them, indeed ! the ladies never do ; 
 But when such little purchases are made, 
 Of course 'tis only to encourage trade. 
 
 Agl. They've got on earth a very odd idea 
 Of what the Graces really are, I fear. 
 
 Eup, They have indeed : I chanced one day to go 
 Into a first-rate milliner's depSt, 
 That is par excellence — the first of places 
 To meet with earthly notions of the Graces. 
 
 AgL That's very true — and there what did you see ? 
 
 Eup. Things unbecoming either of us three. 
 
 Agl. What wear they on their heads ? I think I've known 
 Mortals who've dress'd them something like our own. 
 
 Eup. Bonnets they lately wore, but oh, so small, 
 
 They nearly dwindled into none at all. 
 
 / 
 In " The Son of the Sun " there is an episode which 
 
 helps to illustrate the condition of the drama in London 
 
 at that period (1834). Apollo is questioning the Muses 
 
 who have just returned from London to Olympus : — 
 
 Apol. Euterpe, Music's Muse, I understand 
 That you had lodgings somewhere in the Strand. 
 
 Eut. Oh ! the Lyceum ! Yes ; I had a bout of it 
 For a short time, until they burnt me out of it. 
 
 Apol. Melpomene, Thalia, — still remain 
 Your temples, I suppose, near Drury Lane ? 
 
 Thai. Our temples ! Yes ; as usual they stand. 
 Extensively superb, and coldly grand. 
 But, oh ! the worship's wholly chang'd ! Ah me I it is 
 A cruel thing — they've turn'd out us poor deities. 
 
f 
 
 f. p. ^URNAND. 
 
'^ CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 67 
 
 My friend Melpomene's dagger, and her bowl, 
 Are in the clutches of a noisy soul 
 With Madame Melodrama for her name. 
 
 Apol. That's downright usurpation. 
 
 AIL Shame ! oh, shame ! 
 
 Thai. And as for me, my place — a pretty pass ! — 
 Is taken by a vulgar thing, called Farce. 
 
 Apol. But where is Shakspeare ? 
 
 Thai. Bless me, don't you know ? 
 
 Shakspeare is trampled on. 
 
 Apol. By whom ? 
 
 Thai, Ducrow. 
 
 ( Mr. Burnand has written more " classical " burlesques than 
 any man living or dead. ■ A university man, like Talfourd, 
 he has displayed complete mastery of mythologic themes, 
 submitting them to ingenious perversion, and adorning them 
 with a wealth of pun and parody of which it is impossible, in 
 these brief limits, to give more than a few samples. He has 
 shown special interest in the legends connected with the 
 siege of Troy,* producing three burlesques more or less 
 connected with that event. [First, in i860, came "Dido," at 
 the St. James's, ;with Charles Young as the heroine ; next, 
 in 1866, "Paris, or Vive Lempribre,'' at the Strand; f next, 
 in 1867, "The Latest Edition of Helen, or Taken from the 
 Greek,'' at Liverpool. J Helen of Troy, I may note, en 
 parentkhe, had been the heroine of two other travesties : one 
 by Vincent Amcotts — "Fair Helen" (Oxford, 1862); the 
 other by Mr. Robert Reece— " Our Helen" (Gaiety, 1884). 
 
 * *'The Siege of Troy," by the way, was the title and subject of a 
 burlesque by Robert Brough (Lyceum, 1858). 
 
 f Paris, Miss Raynham ; CEnone, Mr. Thomas Thorne ; Castor, Mr. 
 David James ; Orion, J. D. Stoyle ; Venus, Miss A. Swanborough ; 
 Juno, Maria Simpson ; Jupiter, Miss Eliza Johnstone. 
 
 X Paris, Miss Raynham ; Helen, Miss Furtado. " Helen " is 
 described by the writer as a " companion picture to * Paris.' " 
 
68 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 In " Dido," Mr. Burnand's genius for word-play is agree- 
 ably manifested. I take some lines at random ; — 
 
 " ^neas, son of Venus, sails the sea, 
 Mighty and highT 
 
 " As Venus' son should be." 
 
 On the sea-shore, dear, I've just come from walking, 
 
 Studying my fav'rite poets. Need I tell ye 
 
 The works I read were those of Crabbe and Shelley ? 
 
 It is the Queen — of life she seems aweary ; 
 
 And mad as Lea7'^ looking just as leary. 
 
 A riddle strikes me : * * Why's she thus behaving, 
 
 Just like a bird of night ? " " 'Cos she's a raving."" 
 
 Mad as a March hare. It is the fate 
 Of hares to be then in a rabid state. 
 
 ** I ne'er shall move as heretofore so gaily, 
 I feel quite ill and dizzy." 
 
 ''Dizzy? Raly?'' 
 
 ^neas comes on first as a begging sailor, with " I'm 
 starving '' inscribed on a paper suspended from his neck. 
 He strikes up a song, but soon stops it : — 
 
 What ? no one here ? Thy singing vain appears. 
 Land may have necks and tongues — it has no ears. 
 None to be done, and nothing here to do. 
 
 \Takes off begging paper. 
 " I'm starving." Ah, it happens to be true ! 
 On air I cannot feed, howe'er one stuffs. 
 Not even when it comes to me va. puffs. 
 I wonder what's become of our small party, 
 Who, yesterday, were sailing well and hearty ? 
 I saw our shipwrecked crew sink in the bay ; 
 'Twould be a subject fit for Frith, R.A. 
 And if the shore last night they failed in gaining, 
 I am the only Landseer now remaining. 
 Being no gambler, I'll ne'er trust again 
 My fortunes to the chances of the main. 
 
'^CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE. 69 
 
 In 1863 Mr. Burnand brought out, at the Royalty, " Ixion, 
 or the Man at the Wheel," '^' which proved to be one of the 
 happiest of his efforts. This he followed up, at the same 
 theatre, two years later, with " Pirithous," in which the 
 adventures of Ixion^s son were as humorously depicted. In 
 the interval he had produced at the Olympic " Cupid and 
 Psyche" (December, 1864), a burlesque on an ever-popular 
 subject. Years before — so early as 1837 — a piece called 
 *' Cupid," written by Joseph Graves, had been represented 
 at the Queen's and Strand, with Wild and Miss Malcolm at 
 the one house and Hammond and Miss Daly at the other 
 as the God of Love and his beloved. In " Cupid," how- 
 ever, there was little verbal wit. The god figured as a gay 
 deceiver, who had promised marriage to Psyche, but had 
 refused to "implement" the undertaking. Whereupon 
 Jupiter decides that Cupid shall be shot dead by Psyche ; 
 but she, using the god's own arrows, does but transfix him 
 with the love she yearns for. Cupid sings, early in the piece, 
 a parody of " The Sea ! the Sea ! " beginning — 
 
 Psyche ! Psyche ! my own Psyche, 
 The pretty, fair, and ever free ! — 
 
 But, Otherwise, Graves's " book " is not particularly brilliant, 
 though smoothly written and fairly brisk in action. 
 
 In " Cupid and Psyche " Mr. Burnand made Psyche 
 the daughter of a king, who, because she will not marry 
 and thus relieve him of the anxiety caused by a certain 
 prophecy, chains her to a rock on the sea-shore. To this 
 he is incited by Venus, who regards Psyche as her rival 
 
 * See p. 40. Eleven years later, Mr. Burnand wrote for the Opera 
 Comique his ** Ixion Re-Wheeled," the cast of which included, beside 
 Miss Laverne, Miss Amy Sheridan and Miss Eleanor Bufton, 
 
70 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 in beauty. Psyche is duly rescued and espoused by Cupid, 
 who (as in the old myth) remains invisible to her until 
 her curiosity gets the better of her prudence ; and, in the 
 end, Venus abates her enmity, and the union of the pair 
 is duly recognised. In one place, Psyche, entering, dis- 
 tractedly, in search of Cupid, cries : — 
 
 A river ! I debate with myself wedder 
 
 I'll end my tale with a sensation header 
 
 From a small boat. It could not clear the re6ds ; 
 
 One cannot make a« oar way through these s{%vceds). 
 
 Why should I live ? Alas, from me forlorn 
 
 Each lad turns on his heel to show his {^)corn ! 
 
 The county lads to me make no advances ; 
 
 The county girls avert their county -nances. 
 
 Counties ! [struck with an idea) I'll drown myself, — 
 
 Down hesitation ! 
 Nor men, norfolk^ shall stop my suffoc-2M\on ! 
 
 Elsewhere Mars says to Cupid : — 
 
 Stop, you ill-bred little pup ! 
 Is this the way an 'Arrow boy's brought up ? 
 Your conduct would disgrace the lowest Cretan. 
 Bacchus. * ' An 'Arrow boy ! " — egad, that joke's a neat \m. 
 
 At another point Cupid himself says that 
 
 A yawn, however gentle. 
 Is to the face not vevy (jr^^amental. 
 
 At the very end of the piece, there is a skilful bit of 
 rhyming. Psyche " comes down," and says : — 
 
 Now, stupid — 
 Why don't you speak the tag and finish, Cupid ? 
 
 Cupid. Because I'm in a fix, my charming friend. 
 
 Psyche. How so ? 
 
 Cupid. The piece with your name ought to end ; 
 
 And, though I should give all my mind and time to it, 
 I know that I shan't get a word to rhyme to it. 
 
''CLASSICAL'' BURLESQUE, 71 
 
 King {cleverly). There's Bikey. 
 
 Bacchus {as if he'd hit it—rcUher). Dikey ! 
 
 Zephyr {suggestively). Fikey ! 
 
 Venus {authoritatively), Likey ! 
 
 Cupid {who has shaken his head at each suggestion). Pooh ! 
 
 Chrysalis. Oh ! {every one interested^ as if she'd got it now) Crikey ! 
 {every one disgusted). 
 
 Psyche, Ma'am, that's vulgar, and won't do. 
 
 Grubbe {calmly and complacently). Ikey ! 
 
 Cupid, Absurd. I yield it in despair. 
 
 Come — the finale; I'll commence the air {sings two very high notes — 
 all shake their heads). 
 
 Mars, Oh no ! we cannot sing in such a high key. 
 
 Cupid {joyfully to Psyche^ catching the rhyme at once). That's it. 
 {takes her hand— to audience). Pray smile on Cupid. 
 
 Psyche. And on Psyche. 
 
 Among other "classical" burlesques may be mentioned 
 Mr. Burnand's "Arion," seen at the Strand in 187 1, with 
 Mr. Edward Terry, Mr. Harry Paulton, and Miss Augusta 
 Thomson; and H. B. Farnie's ** Vesta," produced at the 
 St. James's in the same year, with Mr. John Wood and Mr. 
 Lionel Brough. Mr. Burnand's "Sappho" (1866), and 
 "Olympic Games" (1867), also call for mention. John 
 Brougham's "Life in the Clouds" belongs to 1840; Tom 
 Taylor's "Diogenes and his Lantern" to 1849; ^^ Brothers 
 Brough's " Sphinx " to the same year ; William Brough's 
 "Hercules and Omphale " to 1864; and Mr. Recce's 
 "Agamemnon and Cassandra, or The Prophet and Loss 
 of Troy," to 1868. 
 
IV. 
 
 BURLESQUE OF FAERIE, 
 
 f AS Planche was, in effect, the Father of Classical 
 \/~^ Burlesque, so was he also, even more irrefragably, 
 the Father of the Burlesque of Faerie — of the fairy tales of 
 the nursery, and especially of those derived from French 
 sources. Memorable, indeed, was the production of 
 Blanche's " Riquet with the Tuft * " ; this piece was the 
 precursor of something like twenty others from the same 
 pen, all written on the same principle and in the same 
 vein. Blanche had been to Baris, and had there seen 
 Botier playing in " Riquet a la Houppe.'^ He came home 
 and straightway wrote his own version of the story, partly in 
 verse, partly in prose, having in Charles Mathews a Riquet 
 not equal indeed to Botier, but with obvious merits of his 
 own. Vestris was the Brinces*' ii^meralda, and James Bland 
 Green Horn the Great — Rebecca Isaacs, then only a little 
 girl, being the Mother Bunch. The result was complete 
 success, carrying with it great encouragement to the 
 dramatist to persevere in the new path on which he had 
 entered. 
 
 These fairy pieces of Blanche's were not burlesques quite 
 
 * At the Olympic in 1836. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE, 73 
 
 in the sense in which his classical pieces were, but they 
 belong, nevertheless, to the burlesque genre. Each treats 
 lightly and humorously a story already in existence ; each 
 includes parodies of popular lyrics, as well as songs written 
 to the airs of popular ditties; and the burlesque spirit 
 animates the whole. Every now and then, the writer, rising 
 superior to parody, produces a lyric which has a definite 
 accent of its own. Here, for example, in " Riquet with the 
 Tuft," is a song accorded to the grotesque and misshapen 
 hero. It has genuine wit as well as genial philosophy : — 
 
 I'm a strange-looking person, I am, 
 
 But contentment for ever my guest is ; 
 I'm by habit an optimist grown, 
 
 And fancy that all for the best is. 
 Each man has of troubles his pack, 
 
 And some round their aching hearts wear it ; 
 My burden is placed on my back, 
 
 Where I'm much better able to bear it. 
 
 Again, tho' I'm blind of one eye, 
 
 And have but one ear that of use is, 
 I but half the world's wickedness spy. 
 
 And am deaf to one half its abuses ; 
 And tho' with this odd pair of pegs, 
 
 My motions I own serpentine are, 
 Many folks blest with handsomer legs 
 
 Have ways much more crooked than mine are ! 
 
 Nature gave me but one tuft of hair. 
 
 Yet wherefore, kind dame, should I flout her ? 
 If one side of my head must be bare, 
 
 I'm delighted she's chosen the outer ! 
 Thus on all things I put a good face, 
 
 And however misshapen in feature, 
 My heart, girl, is in the right place, 
 
 And warms towards each fellow-creature ! 
 
74 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 The origin of " Riquet with the Tuft '' is to be found in 
 Perrault's " Contes de ma Mere I'Oye.'' Planche went to 
 the same source for his " Puss in Boots : an original, 
 comical, mews-ic2i\ fairy burletta" (Olympic, 1837), in which 
 Charles Mathews was an incomparable Puss, with Bland as 
 Pumpkin the Prodigious, Vestris as the Marquis of Carabas, 
 and Brougham as a very Irish ogre. In this there was a 
 good deal of prose dialogue, of which the following scene 
 between Puss and the three maids-of-honour may be taken 
 as a diverting specimen : — 
 
 Chatterina. You're in the army, I presume ? 
 
 Puss. No, ma'am. 
 
 Chatt. Why, you wear moustaches. 
 
 Puss. Yes, ma'am, yes ; but that's because — because I can't help it, 
 you see. I belong to a club, and all the members are obliged to wear 
 them. 
 
 Chatt. What club ? 
 
 Puss. It's a sort of Catch Club. 
 
 Arietta. What, musical? 
 
 Puss, Very. 
 
 Ari. And where do you meet ? 
 
 Puss. We meet alternately upon each other's roof. 
 
 Skipperella. Upon each other's roof? — that's quite a new step. 
 
 Puss. I beg pardon, did I say upon ? I meant under, 
 
 Ari. You can sing, then? 
 
 Puss. I can squall a little, a la Cat-oni. 
 
 Ari. Who taught you ? 
 
 Puss. Cat-alani. 
 
 Skip. And dance, too ? 
 
 Puss. I remember the time when I would have run anywhere after 
 a ball. 
 
 Skip. What is your favourite dance ? 
 
 Puss. The Cat-alonian Cat-choucha. 
 
 Chat. Well, never mind about singing and dancing ; suppose we fix 
 upon some game to pass away the time, at which we can all play ? 
 
 Ari. I'm content. 
 
 Skip. And I. 
 
 Puss. And I. What shall it be? 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAJSRIE. 75 
 
 Chat " Puss in the Comer." 
 
 Puss. No, no, I don't like that. 
 
 Chat. Choose one yourself, then. 
 
 Fuss. My favourite game is *' Cat's Cradle." 
 
 All. Oh no, we can't bear that ! 
 
 Chat. Come, name another from your catalogue. 
 
 Fuss (aside). Cat-alogue ! They grow personal ! 
 
 The subject of " Puss in Boots '' was afterwards handled 
 by H. J. Byron.* In this case we find the monarch of the 
 piece called Noodlehead IX. ; the Princesses are named 
 Biddi, Coobiddi, and Chickabiddi ; and there are two 
 woodcutters called Gnarl and Knot. The puns in the 
 dialogue on the word cat are even more numerous than in 
 the older piece, and somewhat more varied. As thus : — 
 
 Will, What I left his youngest child, a cat ! 
 
 Bob. It's true. 
 
 Will. Well, that's z. feline sort of thing to do. 
 
 Again : — 
 
 Cat. I am, as you perceive, sir, an I-/«/<?-ian, 
 But never scratch my friends, though I'm an naileyun ; 
 It's only foes that ever raise my fur. 
 
 Will. Well, really you're a ch3irmmg furry-ner. 
 
 Once more :— 
 
 Will. What can you do ? 
 
 Cat. My pictures folk applaud ; 
 
 They say they're scratchy, but resemble Claude. 
 I'm not much of a linguist, my good friend, 
 But I've z.-talion at my finger's end ; 
 I can't dance well amongst young ladies, yet 
 I come out very well in a puss-et. 
 I sing at times like any cat-a-lani. 
 
 Will. Your favourite opera is 
 
 Cat. The Furr-itam. 
 
 * At the Strand in 1862, with Rogers, Clarke, Miss A. Swanborough, 
 Miss C. Saunders, Miss F.Josephs, and Miss F. Hughes in the principal 
 parts. The full title of the piece was *' Puss in a New Pair of Boots." 
 
76 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 In the course of the piece King Noodlehead sings a song 
 in which some fun is made of the conventionaHties of 
 Italian opera : — 
 
 At the Opera, and at Covent Garden as well, 
 I have always observed that the expiring swell, 
 Tho' you'd fancy just there he'd be shortest of breath, 
 Sings a difficult song just before his own death. 
 
 Such as diddle, diddle, diddle, 
 
 Chip chop ri chooral i day, 
 That's how they arrange things at the Operay. 
 
 And I've likewise remarked that the young hero-ine 
 Walks about in a low dress of thin white sat-in, 
 Defying the fog, and the cold and the damp. 
 And also rheumatics, and likewise the cramp. 
 
 With a diddle, diddle, diddle, etc. 
 
 I've remarked that the peasants who come on the scene, 
 Are, p'raps, awkward, but still most offensively clean, 
 They lay monstrous stress on the ^^whens'' and the ^^whats^^ 
 And sing — ** Oh, joy "—together like mere idi-ots. 
 With a diddle, diddle, diddle, etc. 
 
 (^One of the prettiest and wittiest of Planche's adaptations 
 from Perrault's store was " The Sleeping Beauty in the 
 Wood," seen at Covent Garden in 1840. jThe Beauty was 
 the Princess Is-a-Belle — of course, Mm^. Vestris ; the 
 inevitable King — ^Thomas Noddy of No-Land — was the 
 inevitable Bland ; James Vining was Prince Perfect ; and 
 Brougham was a woodcutter — one Larry O'Log. But the 
 most whimsical character in the piece was played by Harley 
 — the Baron Factotum, " Great-Grand-Lord-E very thing," 
 who may be compared with Pooh-Bah in Mr. Gilbert's 
 "Mikado^^^In "The Mikado," Ko-Ko is "Lord High 
 Executioner of Titipu," and Pooh-Bah is " Lord High 
 Everything Else " — he is " First Lord of the Treasury, 
 Lord Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 77 
 
 Admiral, Master of the Buckhounds, Groom of the Back- 
 stairs, Archbishop of Titipu, and Lord Mayor, both acting 
 and elect, all rolled into one." The Baron Factotum is 
 even more embarrassed with offices and duties. As he 
 says at one juncture : — 
 
 I shall go crazy. Ye who sigh for place, 
 
 Behold and profit by my piteous case. 
 
 As Lord High Chamberlain, I slumber never ; 
 
 As Lord High Steward, in a stew I'm ever ! 
 
 As Lord High Constable, I watch all day ; 
 
 As Lord High Treasurer, I've the deuce to pay ; 
 
 As Great Grand Cupbearer, I'm handled queerly ; 
 
 As Great Grand Carver, I'm cut up severely. 
 
 In other States the honours are divided, 
 
 But here they're one and all to me confided ; 
 
 They've buckled Fortune on my back — until 
 
 I really feel particularly ill ! 
 
 Young man, avoid the cares from State that spring, 
 
 And don't you be a Great Grand anything. 
 
 He then sings, to the tune of " Where the bee sucks " : — 
 
 Who would be a Great Grand Lord High, 
 
 All the blame on him must lie ; 
 
 Everywhere for him they cry, 
 
 Up and downstairs he must fly — 
 
 After all folks, verily ! 
 
 Verily, verily ! Few would live now 
 
 Under the honours beneath which I bow. 
 
 The programme of the " The Sleeping Beauty " bore the 
 following notice : — 
 
 In strict accordance with the Modern School of Melodramatic 
 Composition, Eighteen years are to be supposed to have elapsed 
 between the First and Second Parts ; One Hundred years between 
 the Second and Third Parts ; and considerably more than One Hun- 
 dred after the piece is over. 
 
 Planch^ went again to Perrault — directly or indirectly — 
 
78 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 for his " Blue Beard " (1839) ^^^ ^^^ "^Discreet Princess " 
 (1855). The last named (from " L'Adroite Princesse ") 
 was notable as including in its cast Robson as Prince 
 Richcraft, and Emery as Gander the Stupendous. In ** Blue 
 Beard '' Bland played the Baron Abomelique (the hero), 
 Mme. Vestris the heroine (Fleurette), and John Brougham, 
 the actor-dramatist, an Irish character — the O'Shac O'Back. 
 How often has this fascinating subject been dealt with 
 since ! Dozens of pantomimes have had it for a basis ; 
 the burlesques founded on it are not quite so numerous. 
 The best known are those by H. *J. Byron (i860) and 
 Mr. Burnand (1883) ; there are also two others by H. T. 
 Arden and Frank Green. 
 
 But it was to the "Contes des Fees" of Madame 
 D'Aulnoy that Blanche was most largely indebted for his 
 fairy stories. The list (extending from 1842 to 1854) is 
 quite an imposing one. First came " Fortunio, and his 
 Seven Gifted Servants," based on " Belle-Belle, ou le 
 Chevalier Fortune." Next, " The Invisible Prince, or the 
 Island of Tranquil Delights," taken from " Le Prince 
 Lutin." "Le Rameau d'Or" suggested "The Golden 
 Branch," and " The King of Peacocks " * had its origin in 
 ** La Princesse Rosette." From " Le Serpentin Vert " was 
 derived " The Island of Jewels " ; from " L'Oiseau Bleu," 
 " King Charming, or the Blue Bird of Paradise " ; from 
 " La Grenouille Bienfaisante," " The Queen of the Frogs " ; 
 from " La Biche au Bois," t " The Prince of Happy Land, 
 
 * This, first played at the Lyceum in i860, was afterwards revived 
 at the St. James's with Miss Kate Terry as the Princess. 
 
 t Other versions of this tale have been written by Maddison Morton 
 (at Drury Lane), and by Mr. Burnand (at the Holborn in 1868, 
 under the title of "The White Fawn"). 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 79 
 
 or the Fawn in the Forest'' ; from "La Princesse Carpillon," 
 " Once upon a Time there were Two Kings " ; and from 
 ** Le Nain Jeune," ^^ The Yellow Dwarf and the King of 
 the Gold Mines." " Beauty and the Beast " was taken from 
 a tale by Mme. le Prince de Beaumont; but Planch^ 
 claimed that the treatment was wholly new. He had 
 Vestris for his Beauty, Harrison the tenor for his Beast, 
 and Bland for his Sir Aldgate Pump, the father of Beauty. 
 "The Good Woman in the Wood" was from a story by 
 Mme. de la Force ; and " Young and Handsome " from 
 a faerie by the Countess de Murat. " Graciosa and 
 Percinef likewise had a French origin. 
 
 It was, however, in each case only for the fable that 
 Planche had to give thanks : everything else — even in most 
 instances the nomenclature — was his own. And that nomen- 
 clature was often very ingenious and amusing. Thus, in 
 "Fortunio," we have an impecunious noble called Baron 
 Dunover (played by Morris Barnett). In " The Invisible 
 Prince " the name of the Queen of Allaquiz is Blouzabella ; 
 her son is the Infante Furibond ; * and among her courtiers 
 are the Marquis of Anysidos, Count Palava Torquemova 
 (who introduces the ambassadors), and Don Moustachez 
 de Haro y Barbos (Captain of the Guard). In the same 
 piece, the Princess of the Island of Tranquil Delights is 
 called Xquisitelittlepet, and her ladies in waiting are Toxaloto- 
 tittletattle and Itsaprettipetticoat. Soyez Tranquille (with 
 a clever suggestion of Soyer) is the chef de cuisine in "The 
 King of the Peacocks," in which there is also an Irishman, 
 
 * This part, originally played (in 1846) by James Bland, was 
 played by Mr. Toole at the Adelphi in 1859, and afterwards by 
 George Honey at the Princess's. 
 
8o A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 The O'Don't Know Who, and a German, the Baroness Von 
 Huggermugger. Planch^'s kings and queens have mostly 
 comic names. There is Giltgingerbread the Great, with 
 Tinsellina, his consort, in " The Island of Jewels." There 
 is Henpeckt the Hundredth in ** King Charming " ; there is 
 Fulminoso the Pugnacious in " The Queen of the Frogs '' ; 
 there is Periwigulus the Proud in " Once upon a Time 
 there were Two Kings." Henpeckt, again, has a valet called 
 Natty, and a porter called Nobby. Elsewhere we come 
 across an usher named Antirumo, an Indian named Tan- 
 tee-vee (of the tribe of Tal-hee-ho), and an evil genius 
 named Abaddun. The Yellow Dwarf is christened, very 
 appropriately, Gambogie.* 
 
 " The Yellow Dwarf," it may here be chronicled, is the 
 title of a burlesque by Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett and by 
 Mr. Robert Reece; A'Beckett's being produced in 1842, 
 Planch^'s in 1854, and Mr. Recce's in 1882. " Beauty and 
 the Beast" has been made the subject of travestie by Mr. 
 Burnand. The " Fortunio " of Planch^ was also rivalled in 
 the " Lady Belle Belle, or Fortunio and his Seven Magic 
 Men " of H. J. Byron (Adelphi, 1863).! This last was in a 
 thoroughly H. J. Byronic vein, with a Count Collywobbol 
 among its characters and the usual supply of puns and 
 
 * The part of the Yellow Dwarf was first played (Olympic, 1854) by 
 Robson, of whose performance Planche says that " So powerful was 
 his personation of the cunning, the malignity, the passion and despair 
 of the monster, that he elevated extravaganza into tragedy." At one 
 point his delivery of the lines moved Thackeray almost to tears. " It is 
 not a burlesque," he exclaimed : ** it is an idyll." 
 
 f Byron was indebted to Mme. D'Aulnoy for the idea of his 
 '* Orange Tree and the Humble Bee, or The Little Princess who was 
 Lost at Sea" (Vaudeville, 1871). 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE, 8i 
 
 parodies. Here are a few of the best of the puns. The 
 Princess Volante is a very Atalanta in her fondness for race 
 running : — 
 
 I'll run a race 
 
 With any living ped, through wind or rain ; 
 
 Some like what's handsome — I prefer \he, plain, 
 
 I have this morning run a spanking heat, 
 
 Two miles in just ten minutes. 
 
 King, Wondrous feat ! 
 
 Prin, Everything pedal has its charms for me. 
 
 I'd have gone miles the great Miss Foote to see. 
 
 My tastes are visible e'en at my meals ; 
 
 My favourite fish, of course, are soles and eels, 
 
 VQ\.2^toes I consider are A-oners, 
 
 Though I've a preference for ^c2<x\Qi-runners. 
 
 And when at children's parties I am present, 
 
 I think a game at ioMx-feits very pleasant. 
 
 ' "The White Cat," by Planche (1842), has among its 
 personce Wunsuponatyme, King of Neverminditsnamia ; 
 Prince Paragon ; and Jingo, a Court fool. In " The Fair 
 One with the Golden Locks" (1843), the King is called 
 Lachrymoso,* and the woman of the bedchamber Molly- 
 mopsa. Finally, there is "The Seven Champions of 
 Christendom" (1849), in which Charles Mathews played 
 Charles Wag, Esq., " in attendance on " St. George of 
 England. With this ends the list of Planche's compo- 
 sitions of this kind — a remarkable contribution to the stage 
 literature of wit and humour. 
 
 From Planch^'s " Seven Champions of Christendom '' to 
 the "St. George and the Dragon" of Gilbert Abbott 
 a'Beckett (1845) ^^^ the " Sir George and a Dragon, or We 
 
 * Lachrymoso was played by Mr. Toole at the Adelphi so recently 
 as i860. 
 
 W. L.—V. /; 
 
82 .A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 are Seven" of Mr. Burnand (1856) is a natural and easy 
 transition. In A'Beckett's piece, Kalyba, the sorceress, has 
 stolen St. George when a child, in order that he might fall 
 in love with her, and so rescue her from prophesied destruc- 
 tion. Getting rid of her with a wave of her own wand, he 
 turns up with his fellow Champions at Memphis, where 
 King Ptolemy is in a state of impecuniosity, the Dragon 
 having swallowed up all his resources. The monster de- 
 mands the King's daughter Sabra, but St. George contrives 
 to trick him out of the legal securities he holds, and eventu- 
 ally destroys him by the power of the steam press. There 
 is a vein of allegory running through the piece, which has, 
 however, its share of jeux de mots. Thus, Kalyba's hand- 
 maid says to her ; — 
 
 Your hair, my lady, 's getting rather dry, 
 Some of the Russian balsam shall I try ? 
 
 Kaly, Well, p'raps you may — yet no — upon the whole, 
 Anything Russian 's hurtful to the Pole. 
 The very thought my nervous system shocks, 
 O ! would that mine were like Chubb's — safety locks ! 
 Should I turn grey, I'd bid the world good-bye. 
 
 Maid. If you turn grey, it would be time to dye. 
 
 Elsewhere there is some sarcasm at the expense of the 
 newspapers. St. George says to Sabra : — 
 
 These evening papers, blow the horn and cry them ; 
 Inviting every one to come and buy them. 
 This is the way the sort of thing is done — 
 {Crying) Se-cond edition here ! the Memphis Sun^ 
 Wondrous intelligence ! for here you have in it 
 The sudden resignation of the Cabinet. 
 
 Sab. The Cabinet resigned I 
 
 SU G, No, that's mere vapour 1 
 
 You must say something, just to sell the paper. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 83 
 
 In Mr. Burnand's version, which is the longer of the two, 
 there is much more story, and there are many more puns. 
 St. George has not so promment a place in the action, which 
 is more elaborate and varied ; while the dialogue is in the 
 writer's most rollicking mood. Take, for example, these 
 lines of Kalyba's, addressed to her sirens : — 
 
 \st Siren. Madame, there is a four-oared boat in view without a 
 steerer. 
 
 Kalyba (using pince-nez). P'raps the Harvard crew. 
 No, they don't row half hard enough for that ; 
 Take care ! they'll go ashore upon the flat. 
 They don't row well, but with uncommon pluck ; 
 The stroke wants art — p'raps he's a stroke of luck. 
 I wonder where they come from ! maybe Dover ! 
 A crab ! as sure as eggs is eggs they're ova \ 
 Attract them here ; you must not let them pass ; 
 Some visitors — give me my looking-glass {they offer telescope). 
 Not that {they give her a hand-mirror). 
 
 Now sing, as Sirens did before us ; 
 We lure all here with tooral looral chorus. 
 To practise bathing arts we've our diploma. 
 {All have by this ti?ne produced the hand-mirrors and combs.) 
 To attitudes ! {All pose themselves combing hair, etc.) 
 We're in a state of comber. 
 
 Here, again, is a specimen of daring pun-making : — 
 
 Vizier. Sultan of Egypt, this pathetic tear 
 Proves you've one faithful Vizier left — viz. here. 
 
 Sultan. My star is set. 
 
 Vizier {looking at star on Sultanas breast). With honour 
 you have borne it. 
 Stop ! if your star is set in diamonds, pawn it. 
 
 Sultan. The real one — this sham one's rather tasty — 
 Is gone : so requiescat — sir — in pastey. 
 
 A popular subject with the writers of burlesque for 
 Christmastide has been the time-honoured one of 
 
84 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Cinderella. The first travestie of any importance was by 
 Albert Smith and Kenny, seen at the Lyceum so long ago 
 as 1845. Next came H. J. Byron's version at the Strand in 
 i860, followed by Mr. Green's in 187 1, Mr. Wilton Jones's 
 (at Leicester) in 1878, and Mr. Reece's (at the Gaiety) in 
 1883. A provincial burlesque on this topic was called 
 " Done-to-a-Cinderella," and in America there has been 
 a " Cinder-Ellen." Mr. Reece's piece was called, simply, 
 "Our Cinderella"; Mr. Jones's, "Little Cinderella." 
 Byron's was christened " Cinderella, or the Lover, the 
 Lackey, and the Little Glass Slipper." It has been a great 
 favourite with the public ever since it was first played with 
 Maria Simpson as Cinderella, Miss Oliver as the Prince 
 (Popetti), Miss Charlotte Saunders as his valet Dandino, 
 John Clarke as the Baron Balderdash, and Rogers and 
 Miss Lavine as Clorinda and Thisbe. Over and over again 
 has this clever piece of work served as the basis of panto- 
 mime " openings " both in town and country. 
 
 Following the traditional story closely enough, it bristles 
 with the puns in which Byron revelled, and which he 
 poured forth with singular and somewhat exhausting lavish- 
 ness. Thus, we find Dandino saying : — 
 
 As I've made my bed so I must lie. 
 
 Continuing bed metaphor, sir — I, 
 
 When quite a child, the blackest draught would drain, 
 
 And took my pill — oh ! on account 0' pain I 
 
 And as my youthful feathers all unfurled 
 
 Seemed formed to make a bold stir in the world, 
 
 Little dreamt I I should appear a valet as, 
 
 For I seemed born to reign in royal palliasse ; 
 
 But suddenly the future seemed to frown ; 
 
 Fortune gave me a quilt, an' fd a down. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 85 
 
 A little farther on Dandino and the Prince, who are 
 about to exchange characters for the nonce, have the 
 following little contest in pun-making : — 
 
 Dandi. But I must have a change of toggery : 
 This coat, you will admit, is not the best cut, 
 And neither is my waistcoat quite the West cut. 
 I must ^west myself of that affair : 
 These buckles ain't the thing for Buckley Square. 
 
 Prince. You shall be decked in gems of vast expense. 
 And be a gem-man in a double sense. 
 Your servant, I will wait, clean boots, wash glasses ; 
 Thus serve a nob, a«' ob- serve all that passes. 
 
 Dandi. Then you'll obey me till you've found La Donna ? 
 You pledge your princely word ? 
 
 Prince {shaking his hand heartily). A-pawn my honour. 
 
 An even better instance of Byron's tendency to run a 
 pun to death is to be found ifi this colloquy between the 
 Prince and Cinderella. The latter says : — 
 
 Cind. Cinders and coals I'm so accustomed to, 
 They seem to me to tinge all things I view. 
 
 Prhue. That fact I can't say causes me surprise, 
 For kohl is frequently in ladies' eyes. 
 
 Cind. At morn, when reading, as the fire up -burns, 
 The print to stops — to scmi-coaluns — turns. 
 I might as well read Coke. 
 
 Prince. Quite right you are, — 
 
 He's very useful reading at the bar. 
 {Chaffingly) Who is your favourite poet? — Hobbs? 
 
 Cind. Not quite. 
 
 No, I think, Cole-xidigQ is my favourite ; 
 His vaQl^xi-coally suits my situation ; 
 My dinner always is a coald <:^^/-lation, 
 Smoked pictures all things seem, whatever may be 'em, 
 A cyclorafna, through the " Coal I see 'em.^' 
 
 More acceptible in pantomime than in travestie, " Little 
 
86 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Red Riding Hood " has nevertheless been the heroine of 
 at least one burlesque which has made its mark — namely, 
 that which Leicester Buckingham brought out at the 
 Lyceum just thirty years ago, under the auspices of Edmund 
 Falconer. He had Miss Lydia Thompson for his Blondinette 
 (Red Riding Hood), and Miss Cicely Nott for the young 
 lady's lover, Colin. The fairy element was freely intro- 
 duced, and instead of the wolf of the original there was 
 a Baron Reginald de Wolf (" the would-be abductor of 
 Blondinette, who finds he is sold when she 'ab duck'd 
 herself to escape him "). Here and there one gets in the 
 " book " a glimpse of parody ; as in — 
 
 My protege — my protege, 
 
 Ah ! never look so shy, 
 For pretty girls seem ugly 
 
 When a gloom is in their eye. 
 
 Or, again, in — 
 
 They say the peasant's life is sweet, 
 But that we know all trash is, O ; 
 
 He very little gets to eat, 
 
 For often scarce his cash is, O. 
 
 Teeth then he gnashes, O, 
 Gnaws his moustaches, O ; 
 But jolly are the hours he spends 
 When plentiful the cash is, O. 
 
 Passing over "Jack the Giant Killer," which H. J. 
 Byron made the subject of a burlesque, and **Jack and 
 the Beanstalk," which was treated in the same vein by the 
 late Charles Millward, we come to the travesties suggested 
 by stories in the " Arabian Nights' Entertainments." These 
 are fairly numerous. We may note, in particular, some 
 of the versions of the tales of Aladdin, Ali Baba, Prince 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 87 
 
 Camaralzaman, and Abon Hassan, which seem to have 
 offered most attractions to our comic writers. 
 
 The first " Aladdin " of importance was that given to the 
 world by Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett in 1844. This was 
 entitled " The Wonderful Lamp in a New Light," and had 
 Wright for its Aladdin and Paul Bedford for its Magician. 
 Next in order of time comes H. J. Byron's *' Aladdin, or 
 the Wonderful Scamp," * which has shared the fate of his 
 "Cinderella" as a basis for pantomimes. Ill this his 
 fondness for jeux de mots is as patent as ever, as well as the 
 ease (without conspicuous finish) with which he fitted words 
 to the songs of the day. Of direct parody there is little in 
 this "Aladdin," which, however, opens with a brief sugges- 
 tion of "The sea, the sea," sung by the Vizier : — 
 
 The tea ! the tea ! 
 
 Refreshing tea. 
 The green, the fresh, the ever free 
 
 From all impurity. 
 I may remark that I'll be bound 
 Full shillings six was this .the pound — 
 Full shillings six was this the pound. 
 I'm on for tea — I'm on for tea ! 
 For the savour sweet that doth belong 
 To the curly leaf of the rough Souchong, 
 Is like nectar to me, nectar to me, nectar to me. 
 Let others delight in their eau de vie — 
 What matter, what matter ? I'm on for tea. 
 
 During the last twenty years there have been four other 
 notable burlesques on the " Aladdin " subject — Mr. Alfred 
 
 * In this the original Aladdin was Miss Marie Wilton ; the Princess 
 Badroulbadour, Miss Buftpn ; Widow Twankay, Rogers ; Abanazar, 
 Clarke ; The Sultan, Miss Charlotte Saunders ; and Pekoe, Miss 
 Fanny Josephs (Strand, 1861). 
 
88 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Thompson's (1870), Mr. Green's (1874), Mr. Reece's 
 (1881), and Mr. Geoffrey Thorn's (1890). With Mr. 
 Reece's are associated pleasant memories of the bright 
 '•' street boy " of Miss Farren, Mr. Edward Terry's whim- 
 sical magician, and the grace and refinement of Miss 
 Kate Vaughan's Badroulbadour. 
 
 Second only to '^Aladdin" in acceptability both to authors 
 and to public, is the story of " Ali Baba, or the Forty Thieves." 
 Here, again, A'Beckett is (with Mark Lemon) to the fore 
 with the travestie called " Open Sesame, or a Night with 
 the Forty Thieves." This was produced at the Lyceum 
 Theatre, and had Mr. Frank Matthews for its AH Baba, 
 Mrs. Alfred Wigan for its Ganem, Wigan himself for its 
 O'Mustapha (he was an Irish Mussulman), the beautiful 
 Miss Fairbrother for its Abdallah, Keeley for its Hassarac, 
 Miss Georgina Hodson for its Cogia, and Mrs. Keeley 
 for its Morgiana. There was a cast for you ! How many 
 burlesque casts of our own time could lay claim to so much 
 talent and beauty ? Cassim, in this piece, had to make 
 one admirable pun : — 
 
 Such heaps of gems I never saw before : 
 E'en Mortimer can't boast of such a Storr. 
 
 Elsewhere, O'Mustapha, who was a shoemaker, had to 
 say: — 
 
 Business is dreadful bad — what's to be done ? 
 Where I sold fifty boots, I don't mend one. 
 No longer Wellingtons are all the go : 
 High-lows alone are worn by high and low. 
 In vain upon my door this bill I fix — 
 " Five thousand Bluchers, all at 8^. 6^., 
 Strong boys* at 3J-. 9^." — folks once would use, 
 But now it's quite another pair of shoes. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE, 89 
 
 A'Beckett, however, did not lay himself out for punning 
 in and out of season. His chief merit is the neatness of his 
 style and the pervading nature of his wit. 
 
 The most famous of all the Ali Baba travesties was 
 
 that "joint-stock" burlesque, "The Forty Thieves," 
 
 written by members of the Savage Club, and performed 
 
 by the authors themselves at the Lyceum, in i860, for the 
 
 benefit of the families of two literary men just then deceased. 
 
 Planche wrote the prologue for this piece, and it was at 
 
 once so brilliant and so admirably delivered by Leicester 
 
 Buckingham that it nearly obtained the extraordinary 
 
 honour of an encore. It was followed, three years later, 
 
 by H. J. Byron's " Ali Baba, or the Thirty-Nine Thieves 
 
 (in accordance with the author's habit of taking one off!)." * 
 
 Abdallah, the captain of the thieves (played by Miss Ada 
 
 Swanborough), was here depicted as a rascal of the quiet, 
 
 elegant order, in sharp contrast to the Surrey-side villainy 
 
 of his lieutenant, Hassarac. A colloquy between these 
 
 gave Byron an opportunity of satirising the melodramatic 
 
 criminal of the " good old times " : — ■ 
 
 Abdal. From all you say, my friend, you see it's plain 
 That vulgar violence is on the wane ; 
 Therefore become more polished in your style, 
 And, like King Richard, murder when you smile. 
 I go into society, and none 
 Know I'm a thief, or could conceive me one ; 
 I start new companies — obtain their pelf, 
 And, having started them, I start myself ; 
 Swindle the widow — the poor orphan do— r 
 And then myself become an off ^un too. 
 
 * Miss P. Marshall, Ganem ; George Honey, Hassarac; Miss Bufton, 
 Cogia ; Miss F. Hughes, Zaide ; Miss C. Saunders, Morgiana 
 (Strand, 1863), 
 
90 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Hassarac. Bother ! that's not of villainy my notion ; • 
 Give me the tangled wood or stormy ocean — 
 A knife — dark lantern — lots of horrid things, 
 With lightning, every minute, at the wings ; 
 A pistol, big enough for any crime, 
 Which never goes off at the proper time ; 
 Deep rumbling, grumbling music on the drums — 
 A chord whenever one observes " She comes " ; 
 An opening chorus, about *' Glorious wine " ; 
 A broadsword combat every sixteenth line ; 
 Guttural vows of direst vengeance wreaking, 
 And thunder always when one isn't speaking. 
 That was the style — exciting, if not true, 
 At the old Cobourg ; 
 
 Ahdal. Oh, cohnrg\2X, do — (crosses to R.^ 
 
 You're horrifying me ! 
 
 Hassarac {draws'). Spoon ! sappy ! duffer ! 
 Ha, ha ! lay on, you milk-and-water muff-a. 
 And heni'd be he who first cries hold enough-a ! 
 
 In 1872 Mr. Reece wrote for the Gaiety a piece called 
 " Ali Baba k la Mode " ; in 1880 he prepared for the'same 
 theatre another version called " The Forty Thieves." * This 
 latter, if I remember rightly, was the first of the burlesques 
 in three acts. It presented in Mr. Terry (Ali Baba), 
 Miss Farren (Ganem), Mr. Royce (Hassarac), and Miss 
 Vaughan (Morgiana), a quartett which is specially well 
 remembered for the verve and vivacity of its performance. 
 
 The fortunes of Prince Camaralzaman have been pictured 
 on the burlesque stage by the Brothers Brough, by Messrs. 
 Bellingham and Best, by H. J. Byron, and by Mr. 
 Burnand.t " Camaralzaman and Badoura, or the Peri 
 who loved the Prince," was the Broughs' title, and they 
 
 * A burlesque on the subject of '' Ali Baba " was written by Mr. 
 Gilbert Arthur a'Beckett. 
 
 f In the years 1848, 1865, 1871 and 1884 respectively. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 91 
 
 had the assistance of Mrs. Keeley, of Keeley (as a Djinn), 
 of Bland (as the Emperor Bung), of Miss Reynolds (as 
 Badoura), and of Miss Horton (as the hero). Dimpl Tshin 
 was the name given to one of the characters, and Skilopht 
 that of another. The original story was followed in the 
 main. Camaralzaman declines to marry at his father's request, 
 and is incarcerated. In that position he soliloquises : — 
 
 'Tis now the very witching time of night, 
 
 Which, were I free, would bring with it delight ; 
 
 Now could I drink hot grog, hear comic songs, 
 
 Or join the gay Casino's gladsome throngs, 
 
 Or drain, 'midst buzzing sounds of mirth and chaff, 
 
 The foaming stout, or genial half-and-half ; 
 
 But here a prisoner condemned to stop, 
 
 I can indulge in neither malt nor *'hop." 
 
 O, cruel Pa ! to place me in this state, 
 
 Because I would avoid your own sad fate. 
 
 Dear mother, though a model of a wife. 
 
 Gave me a slight distaste for married life. 
 
 Better be thus than free, and have to stand 
 
 ** An eye like Ma's, to threaten and command." 
 
 Camaralzaman then breaks out into the following little 
 bit of vocal parody : — 
 
 The Pope he leads a happy life, 
 Because he hasn't got a wife ; 
 And one to take he's not so flat, 
 He knows a trick worth two of that. 
 No shrill abuse his ear affrights 
 For stopping out too late at nights ; 
 No curtain lectures damp his hopes : 
 A happy lot must be the Pope's. 
 
 The Broughs were always ingenious in their word-plays. 
 Says one of the characters in this burlesque ; — 
 
 Soon, I feel, with passion and disgust. 
 Within this bosom there will be a bust. 
 
92 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Again : — # 
 
 I wonder how he'd look with a moustache ; 
 
 He's got none yet, though, thanks to sorrow's growth, 
 
 He feels a little down about the mouth. 
 
 Says Badoura to a suitor whom she does not favour : — 
 
 I may be handsome, but I'll now be plain ; 
 So, I'll not have you, sir — you kneel in vain ; 
 
 to which he replies : — 
 
 Can one so fair thus speak to her adorer ? 
 Your form a Venus, but your words a Floorer. 
 
 In the piece by Messrs. Bellingham and Best — " Prince 
 Camaralzaman, or the Fairies' Revenge " * — we find, amid 
 many well-conceived and well -executed puns, a rather suc- 
 cessful adaptation of the "To be, or not to be" soliloquy, 
 possessing the merit of being quite in keeping with the 
 character of the matrimony-scorning Camaralzaman : — 
 
 To wed or not to wed — that is the question 
 
 Which weighs me down like midnight indigestion. 
 
 Whether it is nobler in a man to bear 
 
 The stings and taunts of an outrageous fair, 
 
 Or to take arms against a married life, 
 
 And, by opposing, shun it ? To wed a wife — 
 
 No more ; for by a wife we say we end 
 
 The undarned stockings laundresses won't mend, 
 
 The buttonless shirts and all the botheration 
 
 That single flesh is heir to — a consummation 
 
 Devoutly to be wished — forswear the club 
 
 And wed, perchance, a flirt, — ay, there's the rub ; 
 
 For in our married lives what rows there would be, 
 
 If all were not precisely as it should be ! 
 
 * These authors were happy in having Miss Ellen Farren to repre- 
 sent their hero, Miss Henrietta Lindley being the Badoura, W. H. 
 Stephens and Mrs. Stephens the King and Queen, and Mr. Soutar 
 the Skidamalink (King of the Isle of Ebony) (Olympic, 1865). 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE, 93 
 
 And who would bear a scolding vixen's tongue, 
 Backed by a mother-in-law, not over young ; 
 - The cook, who, when annoyed, the dinner burns, 
 The insolence of Buttons, and the spurns 
 That patient masters from their servants take, 
 When one a quiet house might always make 
 By keeping single ? I'll not change my lot, 
 But rather bear the ills that I have got 
 Than fly to others that I yet know not. 
 
 In another passage, the " spiritualistic " craze is satirised 
 in a so-called " chant " : — 
 
 Abracadabra, mystic word, come down to us from the cosmogony, 
 
 'Tis the spell that binds the spirits beneath Mr. Home's mahogany ; 
 
 You've been to a seance, of course, when darkness baffles the searcher, 
 
 And a spectral hand rises quivering — sceptics hint that it's gutta-percha. 
 
 When ghostly fingers are tickling some foolish old fellow's fat dumpy 
 knee, 
 
 And the medium floats as easily as a modern bubble company ; 
 
 *Tis then that the spirits are working — to asses the men they trans- 
 mogrify 
 
 By spells that have nothing in common with the generally received 
 orthography. 
 
 Two of the burlesques on " Arabian Nights " topics are 
 from the pen of Francis Talfourd. First came — in 1852, act 
 the Olympic — '* Ganem, the Slave of Love " (with Miss 
 Fanny Maskell as Fetnah, the caliph^s favourite) ; and later 
 — in 1854, at the St. James's — " Abon Hassan, or the Hunt 
 after Happiness " (with Mr. Toole as Haroun-al-Raschid). 
 In the former piece the wealth of felicitous punning is 
 remarkable. Thus, in his very first speech, Ganem, coming 
 in intoxicated, says : — 
 
 All things around me seem involved in doubt, 
 I only know that I've been, dining out. 
 I've made some blunder, sure — but how I've made it 
 Is from my dizzy pate quite dissipated. 
 
94 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 A light upon my understanding breaks — 
 I must be drunk ! Or what is it thus makes 
 My head to stoop and butt the ground incHne, 
 Unless the butt of beer or stoop of wine ? 
 Now, to go on — so^Ganem, my boy, steady — 
 I can't go far — I'm too far gone already. 
 Ah ! could I swarm this lime, I might, sans doute, 
 Learn from its friendly branch my proper route. 
 
 In Other places we read : — 
 
 A needlewoman's life's, at best, but sew-sro) 
 (which is as true as it is witty) ; 
 
 Alkalomb. He had the freedom, sir, to squeeze me. 
 
 Giaffar. Yes, 
 
 You wouldn't check the freedom of the press. 
 
 Caliph. In his affections T stand no competitor 
 
 {squaring up), 
 And for that belle's life you'll find I'm a head-hitter. 
 
 Malevola. I'm her abettor in the plucky course. 
 Caliph. You couldn't, ma'am, abet her in a worse. 
 
 " Abon Hassan " is less freely endowed with verbal 
 pleasantry, but it has its fair share of puns, and the songs 
 are numerous and bright. At the close, the hero, ad- 
 dressing the audience, allows himself to drop into the 
 reflective mood : — 
 
 In mine, read a too common history — 
 
 How many an unfortunate, like me. 
 
 With feverish haste the cup of pleasure begs. 
 
 To find experience in its bitter dregs ! 
 
 The wretched man sips at the draught now hated. 
 Unless, like me, he gets a-ma7t'sip- hated. 
 Beware, then, how you mix and make your cup,— 
 I'll give you a receipt for it : boil up 
 In a clean vessel — say your own clay crock — 
 As much good humour as will form your stock j 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE. 95 
 
 Throw in to others' faults a modest blindness, 
 
 Adding a quart of milk of human kindness ; 
 
 Scrape up a few acquaintances, but you 
 
 Had better take care they're your wife's friends too : 
 
 Omit the mother-in-law, if you've the power, 
 
 As apt to turn the milk aforesaid sour ! 
 
 Skim off bad habits from the surface : you'll 
 
 Then let it stand — 'tis better taken cool ; 
 
 Or, should you be iij love a far-gone coon, 
 
 Stir the whole gently with a virtuous '* spoon " ; 
 
 In which case, flavour with a dash of sentiment, 
 
 Garnish with smiles, and drink it with contentment ! * 
 
 On German faerie our comic dramatists have not drawn 
 at all largely. Such pieces as Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett's 
 "Knight and the Sprite, or the Cold- Water Cure," with 
 Ondine as its heroine ; H. J. Byron's " Nymph of the 
 Lurleyburg, or the Knight and the Naiads," based on 
 the LurHne legend ; and Mr. Burnand's '^ Rumpelstiltskin, 
 or the Woman at the Wheel," founded on one of the 
 Brothers Grimm's narratives, are exceptional incursions 
 in this field. The first was seen at the Strand in 1884, 
 with Mrs. Walter Lacy as Sir Hildebrand, and with Hall 
 and Romer in other parts. " The Nymph of the Lurley- 
 burg " has often done duty for the purposes of Christmas 
 extravaganza. When it was first performed — in 1859 
 — Miss Woolgar was the Sir Rupert the Reckless, Mr. 
 Toole the Seneschal, and Paul- Bedford the Baron Witz, the 
 locale being the Adelphi. Mr. Burnand introduced into 
 
 * Another burlesque on the same story, entitled ** Abon Hassan, or 
 An Arabian Knight's Entertainment," was brought out at the Chariug 
 Cross Theatre in 1869. The author's name was Arthur O'Neil, and 
 the cast included Miss Emily Fowler as the hero, and Mr. Flockton as 
 Haroun Alraschid. 
 
96 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 " Rumpelstiltskin " (Royalty, 1864) a few modifications of 
 the German tale, inventing and importing new characters. 
 In one of the scenes he furnished a diverting suggestion 
 of the situation in "The Ticket of Leave Man," when 
 there comes the sudden and effective revelation of " Hawk- 
 shaw the Detective ! " Among the personce are King 
 Tagarag the Tremendous, Prince Poppet, Baron Higgle- 
 de-Piggle, Wriggleletto (the court spy), Jolinosio (a miller), 
 and Fraulein Splitaharter (the belle of the village). Miss 
 Ada Cavendish was the Princess Superba. 
 
 " The Vampire '' — a burlesque by Mr. Reece, which was 
 played at the Strand in 1872 — appears to have owed its 
 origin about equally to the German legend, the romance 
 which Lord Byron wrote on the subject, and the play which 
 Dion Boucicault founded on the topic in 1852. As, how- 
 ever, the legend was the inspiration alike of romance, play, 
 and travestie, the travestie may be mentioned here. Mr. 
 Reece had drawn the Vampire as a being so fond of " blood,'' 
 that he sought to possess it in the shape of the notebooks 
 of two ** sensation "-novelists, one of whom. Lady Audley 
 Moonstone, was admirably represented by Mrs. Raymond.* 
 The following specimen of the dialogue has been handed 
 down to us. Some one says to a Welsh corporal : — 
 
 On Monday and on Tuesday you were queer : 
 Why drink on Wednesday ? 
 
 Corporal. 'Cause I'm Thursdayy dear. 
 
 In the realm of Spanish legend there have been still 
 fewer explorers. Albert Smith took one of Washington 
 
 * Mr. Edward Terry was the Vampire himself, and other parts were 
 taken by Harry Cox, Miss Rose Cullen, and Miss Topsy Venn. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FAERIE, 97 
 
 Irving's tales of the Alhambra, and fashioned it into 
 "The Alhambra, or The Beautiful Princess," played at 
 the Princess's in 185 1, with the Keeleys, Wigan, Harley, 
 Flexmore, and Miss Vivash. H. J. Byron afterwards 
 went to the same source for "The Pilgrim of Love," in the 
 first cast of which— at the Haymarket in i860 — we find the 
 names of Mrs. Buckingham White as the Pilgrim, Chippen- 
 dale as his tutor, Compton as the King of Toledo, Rogers 
 as the King of Granada, and C. Coghlan as Mafoi, a French- 
 man : a rather notable collocation of distinguished players. 
 
 The Fables of --^Esop have inspired at least one travestie 
 — " Leo the Terrible," by Stirling Coyne and Francis 
 Talfourd. In this piece (brought out at the Haymarket 
 in 1852) all the characters but four wore the heads of 
 beasts or birds — a lion (Bland), a wolf (Buckstone), a fox, 
 an owl, a ram, a poodle, a cat (Miss Maskell), and so 
 on. The four exceptions were Sir Nerval de Battersea, 
 Timoleon Sindbad Potts (Keeley), ^sop, and Gay ; and 
 the play opened with a rencontre between the two last- 
 named worthies, -^sop began with a vocal parody on 
 " The Light of other Days " :— 
 
 To write in other days as Gay did, 
 
 The world is grown too fast ; 
 The rage for La Fontaine has faded — 
 
 The stream run dry at last. 
 On me the world has turned the tables 
 
 And turned to bad, I guess ; 
 For they who thus can spurn my Fables 
 Must care for morals less. 
 Stop ; who comes here? If I to judge am able, 
 'Tis Gay, the worthiest son of modem Fable. 
 
 Enter Gay dejectedly. 
 How dull and sad he seems I 
 W, L.-V. 7 
 
98 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Gay {soliloquising). My old dominion 
 On earth is gone. 
 
 ^sop {rising). Gad ! that's just my opinion. 
 
 Gay. yEsop ! What brings you here ? Why thus, by Styx, 
 Are you, your staff and luggage, in a fix ? 
 As downcast as a 'prentice runaway. 
 
 ^sop. Am I ? Well, you look anything but Gay, 
 But tell me — whither have you wandering been ? 
 
 Gay. About the world. Such changes now I've seen — 
 Such altered views of virtue and rascality ; 
 There's not a fable left — 'tis all reality. 
 
 ^sop. Reality ! Why, bless your simple soul, 
 The world's a fable now from pole to pole ! 
 Pills, politics, or projects made to cram one, — 
 What we called fables once are now called gammon. 
 
 In the end, the various animals express repentance for 
 the wrong they have committed; and ^sop, in recog- 
 nition thereof, restores them to the shapes they formerly 
 presented. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. 
 
 IN this department the artists in travestie have not done 
 so much as might have been expected. Even when 
 we include in the word ** history" such things as myths, 
 legends, and traditions, we find that the historical, in 
 comparison with the other fields open to the parodists, 
 has been quite " second favourite." Particularly little has 
 been achieved in the burlesque of foreign persons and 
 events; and, in the case of our own celebrities, the only 
 really familiar figure on the comic stage has been that 
 of "Bluff King Hal." King Arthur, Alfred the Great, 
 Elizabeth, Oliver Cromwell, have made rare appearances 
 in motley. In the by-paths of history, general and local, 
 the burlesque writers have devoted themselves most fre- 
 quently to popular personages like Heme the Hunter, the 
 Lady Godiva, Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Guy Fawkes, 
 Claude Duval, and Richard Turpin. 
 
 The story of Rome has supplied subjects for two of 
 the most notable burlesques of the past twenty years — the 
 ** Romulus and Remus " of Mr. Reece, and the " Field 
 Marshal Julius Cnaesar " of Mr. Burnand. The former was 
 played at the Vaudeville in 1872, and had for its chief 
 
loo A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 interpreters Messrs. James and Thorne, who had not yet 
 wholly surrendered burlesque for comedy. Mr. James was 
 Romulus, and Mr. Thorne was Remus ; and they came 
 on in the first scene as children, dressed in pinafores and 
 socks, and carrying toys. The pair begin by quarrelling as 
 to which of them was born first. Remus rests his claim 
 on his superior size : — 
 
 Nature, perceiving "true grit " and "no shoddy," 
 Made me thus *' double stout" with " extra body." 
 
 To which Romulus replies : — 
 
 Though at our birth (when both kicked up a shine) 
 His cry was stout, mine was the elder whi7te ! 
 Hence this thin body, wise folks say who've been here, 
 '* We're sure you are the elder, now we've seen yer^ 
 
 When the two grow up (as they do between the first 
 scene and the second), the question is, which is to be 
 King of Rome — a question decided eventually by personal 
 combat, in which Remus falls. Ultimately the pair decide 
 to be partners in the throne — an obvious allusion to the 
 position held by the two actors in reference to the Vaude- 
 ville Theatre. 
 
 The date of the production of " Romulus and Remus " 
 (1872) could be fixed by the aid of a brief passage intro- 
 duced in travestie of a scene between Cromwell and the 
 King in Mr. Wills's " Charles I.," then " running " at the 
 Lyceum. Early in the piece we have these lines : — 
 
 Remus. The public will have (though to me it's pills) 
 The classic drama. Well, they have their Wills, 
 
 Apollo. One manager this line keeps without swerving — 
 
 Baccharia. And he succeeds ! 
 
 Romulus, But not without ^^^-erznng. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORYc^ ..,;■.;. ]?o:i , 
 
 Later, Remus says to Romulus : — 
 
 I can't express to you the pain I suffer 
 In saying it ; but, brother, you're a duffer ! 
 I am the happy man ! Pride has a tumble ! 
 Your hopes of reigning, sir, are all of a crtimhle ! 
 
 Rom. You dare to scoff at me, rebellious thing ! {knocks his 
 hat off) 
 Uncover in the presence of your king I 
 ( To audience) That's historical ! 
 
 Rem. What ! strike me, dare you ? 
 
 {Quietly) Give me an earldom, and perhaps I'll spare you ! 
 
 Rom. Your base insinuation I resent. 
 I go in for king and parliament. 
 
 Rem. Your parliament's all gingerbread ! (How nice !) 
 I am a patriot and will have my price. 
 
 Rom. Defied ! {blows trumpet). What, ho ! my faithful guards, 
 where be 'em ? 
 
 (^Enter^ from various entrances, all the characters^ and 
 
 supers. Tableau as in " Charles /.") 
 
 ( To audience) I say ! They can't beat that at the Lyceum. 
 
 In this piece Apollo (Miss Nelly Power) figures as a sort 
 of Chorus, commenting on the action and interposing in it ; 
 while Baccharia (Miss Maria Rhodes) is represented as the 
 sister of Tatius and a husband-huntress. The burlesque 
 has all Mr. Reece's ingenuity in jeu-de-mot work. For 
 instance :■ — 
 
 Tatius. This is too much ! 
 
 Baccharia. To boast of deeds audacious. 
 
 Tatius. Too callous ! 
 
 Romulus. Calais ! Don't be Ostend- Tatius ! 
 
 Mr. Burnand's ''Julius Cnaesar'' made the walls of the 
 Royalty resound with laughter in the autumn of 1870. In 
 the spring of 1869 William Brough had brought out at the 
 Strand his version of the tale of Joan of Arc, whom he 
 
ipz . , . A j^OOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 represented as the leader of a troop of Amazons, extremely 
 interested in Woman's Rights. She comes, as in history, 
 to the French king's assistance; but, falling in love with 
 a young English soldier, is captured by the invaders and 
 condemned to resume female attire, — a sentence which in 
 the end she manages to evade. A leading part is played 
 by the Duke of Burgundy, who is for ever uncertain on 
 which side he shall fight, and whose name provides frequent 
 opportunity for punning. Thus : — 
 
 Dunois. See, Burgundy comes ! 
 
 King, Is he indeed with me ? 
 
 As a rule Burgundy ne'er yet agreed with me. 
 He says he is my friend ! 
 
 Duchatel. Well, that's a thumper ! 
 
 The name of Burgundy suggests a bumper ! 
 
 La Hire. He comes ! 
 
 King {looking off). With what a swagger, too ! It's clear 
 Burgundy doesn't think himself small beer ! 
 
 Again : — 
 
 Lionel. Then, my lord, Burgundy, with all his train. 
 Will join our ranks. 
 
 Talbot. My plans are changed again ! 
 
 He'll lick the foe in no time— if not quicker ! 
 Burgundy's such a very potent licker ! 
 Strengthened by him, war's hardest blows we'll mock — 
 With a strong Burgundy, despise a linock. 
 
 Here, too, is a clever bit of word-play : — 
 
 Burgundy. The proffered table I must needs refuse ; 
 My time I can more profitably use. 
 I can't dine iticely while with projects vasty 
 My mind is filled for changing the dy-nasty. 
 
 On this occasion Joan was impersonated by Mr. Thomas 
 Thorne, Mr. David James being the Duke of Burgundy, 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY, 103 
 
 Miss Eleanor Bufton the King, Miss Bella Goodall the 
 Dunois, and Miss Amy Sheridan the Lionel. In the 
 present year Joan of Arc has again become the subject of 
 " respectful perversion," — this time by Messrs. J. L. Shine 
 and " Adrian Ross," and after a fashion to which I shall draw 
 attention in my final chapter. 
 
 Of foreign notabilities, the only other subject of burlesque 
 worth mentioning is Christopher Columbus, who gave the 
 title to, and was the principal character in, a piece written 
 by Mr. Alfred Thompson, and performed at the Gaiety 
 two-and-thirty years ago. He was also the hero of a 
 travestie by John Brougham, played in America. 
 
 The first English personage in burlesque, in point of 
 historical order, is the legendary King Arthur, who was the 
 chief figure in an "extravaganza" produced at the Hay- 
 market in 1863.* Of this the author was William Brough, 
 who owed considerably more to Malory than to Tennyson. 
 There was a scene in which, as in the " Idylls," Vivien 
 makes Merlin the victim of his own spell; but otherwise 
 the laureate's withers were unwrung. Arthur (Miss Louise 
 Keeley) becomes King of Britain by virtue of his power 
 to draw the magic sword from the stone in which it is 
 embedded. He is looking forward to wed Guinevere (Miss 
 Wright), when suddenly she is captured by Cheldric, the 
 Saxon invader, from whom, however, she is successfully 
 re-captured by the aid of Vivien (Miss Romer) as the 
 wielder of Merlin's wand. Sir Launcelot (Miss Lindley) is 
 exhibited less as the lover of Guinevere than as a warrior ; 
 another prominent knight is the cowardly Sir Key, repre- 
 sented by Compton. Of direct parody, as I have said, the 
 
 * " King Arthur, or the Days and Knights of the Round Table." 
 
104 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 piece has little; of punning, as usual, it is all compact. 
 Vivien says to Merlin : — 
 
 Teach me your art. In magic I'd excel ; 
 In studies deep I'd plunge, a diving belle. 
 
 And again, — 
 
 Now for my lesson. It's a curious thing, 
 But knowledge is increased by lessoning. 
 
 Arthur says to Guinevere : — 
 
 Fortune us has made alike ; 
 I've acted like a spoon — while you act ladle-Y^k^ ! 
 
 Also, when he has lost his ladle-loYO, : — 
 
 My Guinevere made prisoner, Merlin too ! 
 Both I've to rue, if 'tis indeed ter-rtie. 
 To cope with all these horrors can I hope ? 
 What evil stars affect my horrors-cope ! 
 No one can I, the slightest aid to lend, see ; 
 I'm in a frenzy since I can no friend see. 
 My wits, unstrung, hang loose my head inside, 
 What should be Christmas feels like zvits-untied. 
 
 Guinevere, on her part, is equally afflicted with the 
 punning mania. While immured in Cheldric s castle, she 
 
 soliloquises :- 
 
 Shall I endure this state of things unjust ? 
 
 I, Arthur's destined spouse ? I spouse I must. 
 
 How sad a loss is mine ! regrets are idle ! 
 
 A saddle 'oss^ including reign and bridal. 
 
 My star uprising side by side with his'n. 
 
 No more uprising now, my fate's a-prison. 
 
 This roomy kingdom, mine in expectation — 
 
 Now I have nought but my own room-i-nation. 
 
 Kept by the Saxon in this den of his, 
 
 I'm numbed with cold — no doubt the room-it-is. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. 105 
 
 In Australia, twenty-three years ago, there was produced 
 •a burlesque called " King Arthur, or Launcelot the Loose, 
 Gin-ever the Square, and the Knights of the Round Table, 
 and other Furniture"; the perpetrator's name was W. M. 
 Akhurst: Of recent years, the only prominent travestie of 
 the subject has been that produced in 1889, by Messrs. 
 Richard Butler and Henry Chance Newton ("Richard- 
 Henry "), who entitled their work " Launcelot the Lovely, 
 or the Idol of the King." Here, again, Tennyson and 
 Malory were both very loyally and lightly treated, and, 
 though Mr. Arthur Roberts as Launcelot was eminently 
 funny, the prepossessions of the audience were in no way 
 shocked. 
 
 The romantic tale of the loves of Fair Rosamond and 
 His Majesty Henry II. has naturally attracted the notice 
 of the travestie writers. In one instance, I regret to 
 record, it fared very ill at the hands of the "dramatist." 
 One T. P. Taylor brought out at Sadler's Wells in the 
 'thirties a one-act piece which he called "Fair Rosamond 
 according to the History of England," in which the story 
 was at once modernised and degraded. Henry became a 
 Mr. Henry King — " a ruler, having been a stationer " ; 
 the Queen necessarily figured as " Mrs. Ellinor King." 
 Rosamond herself was transmogrified into "a black girl, 
 fair yet faulty," talking in " darkey " patois, and furnished 
 with a father, black like herself, who combined the pro- 
 fession of fiddler and boot-black. The piece appears to 
 have been successful in its day, but, to read, it is both 
 vulgar and without a spark of wit. 
 
 Happily, the subject was taken up in our own time by 
 Mr. Burnand, whose " Fair Rosamond, or the Maze, the 
 
io6 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Maid, and the Monarch," seen at the Olympic in 1862, 
 is among the most vivacious of his productions.* Here 
 the writer boldly breaks away from historical tradition. 
 He makes Henry in love with Rosamond, it is true; but 
 Rosamond (Miss Hughes), on her side, has given her 
 heart to Sir Pierre de Bonbon (Horace Wigan) — a French- 
 man, as his name betokens. As Rosamond sings in the 
 finale : — 
 
 Hist'ry says that Rosamond 
 Of King Hen-e-ry was fond ; 
 Thus my character was wronged, 
 
 By a base aspersion ; 
 To old stories don't j/ozi trust, 
 Covered up with ages' dust. 
 For the truth henceforth you must 
 
 Take our Wych Street version. 
 
 Rosamond, therefore, being innocent, it stands to reason 
 that it would not be fair to poison her, as in the story ; 
 and so the Queen (played originally by Robson) is made to 
 excuse her clemency in not forcing the girl to accept the 
 *' cup '' she offers her : — 
 
 Why's Rosamond not killed at all ? You see, 
 She isn't poisoned as she ought to be ! 
 Because, in deference to modern ways. 
 No poisoned heroines can end our plays ; 
 Besides, the brimming cup she held this minute, 
 Like the objection, friends, has nothing in it. 
 You'll say, with history we freedom use ; 
 Well, don't historians write to suit their views ? 
 We answer to the critical consistory, 
 That we have made oar views to suit our history. 
 
 * Mr. Frederick Langbridge has printed a burlesque on this subject, 
 with a title somewhat similar. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. 107 
 
 One of the most amusing scenes in the burlesque is 
 that in which ElHnor meets Henry for the first time after 
 hearing of his infidelity : — 
 
 Q. Ellinor {coming down close to Henry). Ahem ! 
 
 K. Henry. You spoke. {Aside') I see with rage she's brimming. 
 
 Q. Ellin, {aside). I gave a " hem " — now I'll begin my trim- 
 ming. 
 False man ! 
 
 K. Hen. Pooh, pooh ! the epithet's beneath 
 Contempt— I cast it in your false teeth. 
 
 Q. Ellin. False teeth ! 
 
 IC, Hen. False hair ! 
 
 Q. Ellin. Your speech, sir, is too blunt. 
 
 False hair I I will not put up with affront, 
 I'd rather dye. 
 
 K. Hen. For my consent don't wait ; 
 Die early ! on this subject don't di-late. 
 
 Q. Ellin, Dost thou remember once a foreign land, 
 Dost thou remember lovers hand in hand, 
 Dost thou remember those soft murmuring lispers, 
 Dost thou remember 't was the hour of Vispers, 
 Dost thou remember, as I think you must, 
 Dost thou 
 
 K. Hen. Oh I do not kick up such a dust. 
 I really cannot stand and listen to it, 
 Thank goodness, no one but yourself du'st do it. 
 
 Q. Ellin. Treat me with scorn — that's right. Oh, ne'er was seen 
 A suvWin King with such a suff^rin Queen ! 
 
 Following the stream of time, we arrive next at a 
 travestie of the insurrection, in the reign of Richard II., in 
 which Wat Tyler was the prime mover. Tyler deserves 
 celebration in the history of burlesque as the hero of the 
 only work of this kind produced by Mr. George Augustus 
 Sala. This well-known litterateur came out as a writer of 
 travestie at the Gaiety in 1869, but has not been tempted 
 to repeat the achievement. The fact is to be regretted, for 
 
io8 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 his "Wat Tyler, M.P.'^ had many strokes of wit and satire. 
 Wat, being named Tyler, naturally became, in a piece 
 of this genre, a hatter. He is portrayed as aspiring to 
 Parliament, succeeding in his candidature, resisting pay- 
 ment of a tax upon chignons, heading a revolt against the 
 powers that were, penetrating triumphantly into the royal 
 palace, there getting drunk, and being, in the end, over- 
 powered by the forces of the King. In his address to the 
 electors from the hustings, there is a pleasant amalgam 
 of pun and sarcasm. Tyler (who was impersonated by 
 Mr. Toole) begins by saying : — 
 
 A poor industrious hatter I stand here {cheers), 
 And standing now proceed to take that cheer. 
 You know me ! 
 
 Crowd. Sartainly. 
 
 Wat. Am I a fool ? 
 
 Croivd. No ! 
 
 Wat. Was I ever base corruption's Toole ? 
 
 Patriots, potwallopers, and townsmen dear, 
 Voters unbribable and pure, look 'ere. 
 Your sympathy my warmest thanks evokes, 
 For you I'd brave the very block — my blokes \ 
 Tho' yonder dandy may treat me with scorn, 
 I was of poor but honest parents born, 
 lust twenty years ago, in ragged gown 
 And soleless shoes, I trudged into this, town, 
 With one-and-ninepence and two plated spoons 
 Within the pockets of my pantaloons. 
 
 Beaumanners. Where did you get the spoons from ? 
 
 Wat. See how malice 
 
 Ever conspires to drug the poor man's chalice ! 
 Where did I get the spoons from ? Well, so far 
 As I remember — from my grandmamma ! 
 But you, my friends, my whole career have seen. 
 People of Essex, both these hands are clean (/z^/(fl?lf out his hands). 
 
 Oldest inhabitant. They ain't. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. 109 
 
 Wat, They is ! Who's that ? Some tyrant's minion. 
 
 Gag him ! and vote for freedom of opinion, 
 
 {Inhabitant is hustled off the stage.) 
 Few are the promises you'll hear from me. 
 Send me to Westminster as your M.P., 
 
 And you shall see 
 
 Crowd, What? 
 
 Wat. Here's what you shall see : 
 
 Wealth, splendour, carriages and four — that's what ; 
 The strongest ale a halfpenny a pot, 
 Taxes abolished, grievances amended, 
 And all the theatres' free lists ne'er suspended, 
 Washing for nothing, pickles, pastry, fun, 
 And Wallsend coals at eighteenpence a ton. 
 Give me your votes, and by next Michaelmas quarter 
 Each man shall have the moon who owns a pail of water. 
 Then a bold peasantry, their country's pride, 
 Shall live on eggs and bacon neatly fried. 
 The workhouse poor shall feed on buttered crumpets, 
 And eat roast mutton to the sound of trumpets ; 
 The beggar smoke the best Bengal cheroots, 
 And have another man to clean his boots. 
 
 Beaumanners. Suppose to this the other makes objection ? 
 Wat. You hear my honourable friend's reflection. 
 In such a case, deny it if you can. 
 It's plain that we must hang the other man. 
 I've said my say ; the Commons are my goal ; 
 I am a hatter — let me head the poll. 
 
 Beaumanners, who is in love with Tyler's daughter Ellen 
 (Miss Constance Loseby), was represented by Miss Ellen 
 Farren,* to whom Mr. Sala assigned the delivery of some 
 of his best puns — as, for instance : — 
 
 It seems to me the business of a pa 
 
 Is simply all his children's bliss to mar. 
 
 * The cast was particularly good, including Miss Rose Coghlan as 
 the King, Miss Litton as the Queen, Maclean as Walworth, Mrs. Leigh 
 as Mrs. Tyler, Miss Tremaine, and J. B. Rae. 
 
no A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Jane Shore has been the heroine of a burlesque written 
 by Mr. Wilton Jones, and brought out in the provinces 
 eleven years ago. Messrs. " Richard Henry " have also 
 composed a travestie of her story, as handed down by 
 chroniclers. In Mr. Jones's piece reliance was placed, 
 as of old, upon humorous situation and ear-splitting pun. 
 I give an example of both qualities. Jane has denounced 
 Richard, Duke of Gloucester, as the murderer of the 
 Princes in the Tower, and he now proclaims her doom : — 
 
 Gloucester. Policemen, hear the sentence on Jane Shore — 
 {Reading from scroll) She's never to have dinner any more ; 
 No breakfast, tea nor supper — that's her fate — 
 No matter how much she may supper-\\c^\.Q. 
 She'll starve to death for being over pert. ^ 
 
 la7te {feebly). No dinner "i 
 
 Gloucester. No, ma'am ; only your desert. 
 
 High treason is her crime, and I repeat 
 No one shall give her anything to eat ; 
 She'll have the fields, the roads to rest her knees on, 
 And if she likes can even sleep high trees on ; 
 But take good care no pity she arouses — 
 And mind you keep her from the public-houses ! 
 
 Jane {aghast). And is that all the sentence ? I shall drop ! 
 
 Gloucester. Yes — there the sentence comes to 2i full stop. 
 
 Jane. Then for the sentence I had best prepare. 
 Will some one kindly let down my back hair ? 
 
 {Caiesby and Hastings let her back hair down.') 
 
 Jane. Well, if you won't remove this dreadful ban, 
 I'll die as picturesquely as I can ! 
 
 In three well-known travesties, Henry VIII. plays the 
 most conspicuous part — in William Brough's " Field of the 
 Cloth of Gold" (1868, Strand), in Mr. Burnand's " Windsor 
 Castle" (Strand, 1865), and Mr. Conway Edwardes' "Anne 
 Boleyn" (Royalty, 1872). I name these in the order in 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. in 
 
 which they deal with historical events. In " The Field of 
 the Cloth of Gold " Katherine of Arragon is Queen, with 
 Anne Boleyn (Miss F. Hughes) as maid of honour and 
 (as Her Majesty suspects) a rival. To this suspicion Anne 
 makes reference in the following lines : — 
 
 Queen Katherine ! her I'm quite afraid of ; 
 She vows it isn't honour that I'm maid of ; 
 Declares King Henry loves me — as for me, 
 I am no better than I ought to be ; 
 Such language she employs, I'm grieved to state 
 Queen Kate gets daily more in-daily- Kate. 
 If I remonstrate, or to her appeal, 
 Katherine goes off like a Katherine wheel. 
 
 In " Windsor Castle " the King is in love, more or less, 
 with Anne (Mr. Thomas Thorne), but inclined to let his 
 vagrant fancy wander after Mabel Lynwood (Miss Ada 
 Swanborough), who turns out to be Anne's sister. Anne, it 
 is recorded, sang like a siren, and was especially addicted 
 to a few French ditties. Of these Mr. Burnand makes her 
 sing a diverting parody, printed, in " the book of the play," 
 in French " as she is pronounced." The song is called 
 
 Charnsunnette d'Anne Boleyn, 
 
 Arngiitulay 
 "Ler Shevaliay ay bar Bellay." 
 
 Le ShValiay ay sar Bellay, 
 
 Ker deetial Sir Grong Mossoo lar ? 
 Avec lespree der Jemessay 
 
 " Commongvoo portayvoo ? " 
 Parley voo frarngsay ? 
 Parley voo — Tra-la-la-la-la-la. 
 
 {Refra7tg). Parley voo, etc. 
 
112 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 " O Sh'valiay," dit sar Bellay, 
 
 " Cumbeang ler caffy newaur lar ? " 
 
 ** Ay p'tee tas o der veeay ? " 
 Toot sweet o reservoir. 
 
 Jenner comprong par 
 
 Jenner com — Tra-Ia-la-la-la. 
 
 (^Refrang). Jenner com, etc. 
 
 Morale. 
 Kong Johnteyomme L'Onglay say 
 
 Daymamd lay pomme de tare lar 
 Partong poor lar Syreeay 
 
 Ay Veve lar Lester Square ! 
 Chamsong ay finny 
 O sey ay finny mong tra-la-la-la. 
 
 In " Anne Boleyn," again, Anne (E. Danvers) is at 
 last Queen, but with her life embittered by King Henry's 
 flirtations with Jane Seymour (Miss Harriet Coveney). Thus, 
 in one place, Anne exclaims : — 
 
 Again he slights me ! Bubbling heart, be still I 
 Keep Henry firom that girl I must, and will ! 
 She hinted I — in language far from vague — 
 Like Xahtippe, was sent to be a plague ; 
 Openly told that corpulent barbarian 
 I'm his " grey mare," and also no grey-mare-ian ; 
 Said I'm a vixen, and in manner rude 
 Told him he wasn't wise to be so shrerudd. 
 My happiness she's marred, my heart she's wrung 
 With hideous hints from her (h) insidious tongue. 
 She would ke-rush me ! — ah 1 But soft — no riot ! 
 Now, bubbling heart, oblige me, and lie quiet. 
 
 The King himself describes the course of his feelings 
 towards Anne in the following ditty : — 
 
 When I courted Anne Boleyn, with love I was drunk, 
 Oh, I cannot remember the thoughts that I — thunk, 
 I know I winked at her, and she at me — wunkj 
 With my itheremyky, kitheremyky, 
 Katheremyku-etty cum, fol de rol liddle de ray. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY, 113 
 
 I said, " Let me kneel at your feet," and I — knoky 
 And I asked her upon me to smile, and she — smole. 
 Then I said, " I feel happier than ever l—folCj' 
 With my, etc. 
 
 She murmured, ** My waist dp not squeeze," but I — squoze^ 
 And remained at her feet till she told me to — rose, 
 For she wanted to sneeze, and softly she — snoze. 
 With my, etc. 
 
 For a time I continued to woo, yes, I — wode. 
 Then I asked her to go to the church, and we — gode, 
 Having made up our minds to be tied, we were — tode, 
 With my, etc. 
 
 Time winged his swift course, yes, his swift course Time — wung^ 
 And this was the thing he was bringing, and — brung ; 
 Dislike for Anne Boleyn, I wish she was hung ! 
 With my, etc. 
 
 " The Field of the Cloth of Gold '' (which was revived 
 in London, with only tolerable success, a year or two ago) 
 has to do mainly with the meeting of Henry VIII. and 
 Francis I. (Mr. David James) on that historic spot — an 
 event which is here surrounded with the most ludicrous 
 circumstances possible. There is a sub-plot which deals 
 with the loves of Constance de Grey (Miss A. Swanborough) 
 and the Earl of Darnley (Miss Lydia Thompson), as inter- 
 rupted and jeopardised by the pretensions and machina- 
 tions of Sir Guy the Cripple (Mr. Thomas Thorne). The 
 comic incidents are somewhat pantomimical, and the main 
 merit of the piece lies in the humour of its dialogue, which 
 is always sparkling. One of the puns in this burlesque is 
 among the very best ever perpetrated, and is, indeed, a 
 historical possession. Need I quote it? The King has 
 crossed over from Dover to Calais on a stormy day, and 
 arrives in a very " indisposed '' condition : — 
 
 w, L.-v. 3 
 
114 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Hetiry. I am ill. 
 
 Suffolk. Nay, sire, cheer up, I pray. 
 
 Henry. Yesterday all was fair — a glorious Sunday, 
 But this sick transit spoils the glory o' Monday. 
 
 But the piece is full of quips almost equally good. Mark 
 the puns that the two kings fire off at each other when they 
 foregather on the Field of the Cloth of Gold : — 
 
 Henry. Pshaw ! Bluff King Hal fears not to make advances 
 So long as the great King of France is Francis. 
 
 Francis. With pride I this alliance look upon, 
 While Hal be on the throne of Albion. 
 
 Henry. The English Harry 'd flattery despise, 
 He deems all truths here uttered by al-lies. 
 Of good old racy stock, he scorns hypocrisy. 
 
 Francis. We've heard much of the English Harri-stock-racy, 
 
 After this, one thinks comparatively little of such sallies 
 as: — 
 
 *' You an exile here are rated.'' 
 
 "Yes, 
 It's not exile-a-rating, I confess." 
 
 So, sire, I on the Tuesday ran away. 
 
 To *scape the wedding on the Wedding's day. 
 
 " Oh, mind ! my hair you out in handfuls pull." 
 ** Why so much cry about a little wool ? " 
 
 At one point we have : — 
 
 De Bois. Your Majesty, we've sought you everywhere. 
 Your absence much alarm has been creating, 
 Even the royal dinner's been kept waiting 
 Till you came home. 
 
 Francis. So you regret, I see, 
 
 The missing dinner — not the absentee. 
 
 Surrey, in "Windsor Castle,'' is represented not only 
 as poet but as composer, and in the combined characters 
 puts together a love song addressed to his Geraldine. 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. 115 
 
 Unfortunately, when he comes to sing it to her, he finds he 
 has forgotten some of the words : — 
 
 Surrey. Well ! the refrain which I composed as well, 
 Is no " Fol de riddle lol," made in my cell ; 
 Where, 'stead of idly lolling all the day, 
 My time I fol de riddle lolled z.-^2.y ^ 
 I cannot somehow call each verse to mind, 
 But substitutes for words I soon can find ; 
 Toodle um, or something of that sort ; 
 I'll sing the air ; 'tis very sweet and short. 
 {Sings,) 
 Oh my Geraldine, 
 No flow'r was ever seen so toodle um. 
 (Fondly) You are my lum ti toodle lay, 
 Pretty, pretty queen 
 Is rum ti Geraldine and something teen, 
 (Rapturously) More sweet than tiddle lum in May. 
 Like the star so bright, 
 That something's all the night. 
 My Geraldine ! 
 ( With intensity) You're fair as the rum ti lum ti sheen, 
 Boleyn [without). What, ho ! 
 Surrey [speaks impressively). This is impromptu. 
 Hark ! there is what — ho ! 
 From something-um, you know. 
 
 Dear, what I mean. 
 ( With deep feeling) Oh ! rum ! tum ! ! tum ! ! ! my Geraldine. 
 
 "Anne Boleyn" is particularly prolific in good puns, 
 in the making of which the author showed himself an 
 adept. It would be a pleasure to quote a few of them, 
 but I give instead some lines in which, speaking through 
 the mouth of one of his characters, the writer satirises 
 the methods of the old-fashioned drama : — 
 
 Mine were the "palmy days" when, I declare, 
 A little table and two chairs, sir, were 
 Thought furniture sufficient for a scene ; 
 When a baize drugget — generally green— 
 
ii6 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Covered the stage where'er the place was laid, 
 Serving alike for palace, cot or glade ; 
 When, in a drawing-room, a servant-maid 
 Would sing a duet with the comic man ; ■ 
 When dramas only for a few nights ran ; 
 , When a rhymed tag to every piece was tacked ; 
 When most plays had a dozen scenes an act ; 
 When bucket boots and ringlet wigs were worn, 
 ** Acting's a lost art," sir, smcQ you were born ; 
 Those are the days which I look back upon, 
 Of broadsword combats with — " Ha, ha ! Come on ! " 
 
 Good Queen Bess was added to Mr. Burnand's gallery 
 in 1870, when his " E-liz-a-beth, or the Don, the Duck, 
 the Drake, and the Invisible Armada," was brought out at 
 the Vaudeville, with Mr. Thorne as the Queen, Mr. David 
 James as Whiskerandos, and George Honey as Drake. 
 The " Maiden Queen " has not been greatly tantalised by 
 the burlesque writers, who, on the other hand, have made 
 very free with a gentleman who much disturbed her suc- 
 cessor — Guy Fawkes. Mr. Burnand handled him in 1866 
 (at the Strand) ; H. J. Byron followed suit at the Gaiety in 
 1874 ; last year we had the " Guy Fawkes, Esq." of Messrs. 
 " A. C. Torr " (Fred Leslie) and H. F. Clark; and I believe 
 that Mr. Wilton Jones, too, has written a travestie on the 
 subject. Charles II. was burlesqued by Mr. Gilbert xArthur 
 a'Beckett in 1872, the locale being the Court Theatre, 
 and the full title of the piece " Charles IL, or Something 
 Hke History." In this, as in Mr. Recce's "Romulus 
 and Remus," there was some parody of the Lyceum 
 "Charles I."— Mr. Righton, as Cromwell, imitating both 
 Mr. Irving and George Belmore, besides indulging in the 
 cancan! W. J. Hill was the King, and Mme. Cornelie 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY. 117 
 
 D'Anka the Queen (Catherine of Braganza). Pepys, 
 Rochester, and Lily the Astrologer also figured in the 
 piece. Cromwell was afterwards the leading personage in 
 the " Oliver Grumble " of Mr. George Dance (Novelty, 
 1886). 
 
 About the names of such heroes and heroines as the Lady 
 Godiva, Dick Whittington, Robin Hood, Heme the Hunter, 
 and those distinguished footpads Claude Duval and Dick 
 Turpin, there hangs a good deal that is clearly mythical. 
 Still, some myths have more real vitality than absolute 
 fact ; and who does not believe firmly that the Lady Godiva 
 rode round Coventry " clothed on " with nothing but her 
 chastity, and, by taking away a grinding tax, " built herself 
 an everlasting name " ? Her adventure has been burlesqued 
 at least twice — once by Francis Talfourd and a collaborator, 
 at another time by Mr. H. Chance Newton. The Talfourd 
 piece was called " Godiva, or Y^ Ladye of Coventrie and 
 Y® Exyle Fayrie " and produced at the Strand in 1851. 
 Mr. Newton christened his work " Giddy Godiva." In the 
 earlier burlesque, " y^ exile fayrie " Ignota (Miss Romer) 
 is introduced merely as a dea ex machina in the interests 
 of the heroine (Miss Marshall), who, in a passage of Shake- 
 spearean reminiscence, discusses the undertaking to which 
 she has been incited by her husband : — 
 
 To be, or not to be, at his suggestion, 
 A pose plastique, is yet a doubtful question ! 
 To bare my arms against a sea of troubles, 
 And by a pose to end them ! Each day doubles 
 The people's wrongs, the proud Earl's heavy tax ; 
 To help to ease them I would not be lax ; 
 But then to ride — riding, by some low scrub 
 Perhaps be seen 1 — Ah, bother — there's the rub ! 
 
ii8 4 BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 The fear that still my courage may be less 
 When I have shuffled off this mortal dress, 
 Must give me pause. 
 
 A prominent character in the piece is Our Own Reporter, 
 "Y® Specyall Commyssionere and Correspondente of y^ 
 Buste Bee^^ (John Reeve), who would fain play the part 
 of Peeping Tom, and who, early in the play, sings a song 
 wittily descriptive of his ordinary avocations : — 
 
 Rep. I'm a mercantile man, and my living is got 
 By selling of articles 
 
 Leofric and Godwin. What ? what ? what ? 
 
 Rep. They're white and black, they're short and long, 
 And some of them sometimes go for a song ; 
 And during my time, of labour by dint, 
 I've set up many a column of 
 
 Leo, Granite ? 
 
 Godwin. Iron ? 
 
 Leo. Gutta Percha ? 
 
 Rep. No, no; that's not the sort of thing to make up the 
 business that I do ! 
 
 Rep. I'm a military man, for I often have a shot 
 At public foes with 
 
 Leofric and Godwin. What ? what ? what ? 
 
 Rep. If I fire at you 'twill be no joke, 
 For you'll hear the report, but see no smoke ; 
 And my charge is prepared with what do you think ? 
 By a devil and steam, of paper and 
 
 Leo. Sulphur and brimstone ? 
 
 Godwin. Gunpowder ? 
 
 Leo. Gun-cotton ? 
 
 Rep. No, no; that's not the sort of thing to make up the 
 business that I do ! 
 
 Rep. I'm a literary man, and I can put a blot 
 
 On a proud snob's scutcheon 
 
 Leofric and Godwin. Hey ! what ? what ? what ? 
 
BURLESQUE OF HISTORY, 119 
 
 Rep. And if I mention the people's woes, 
 And show you up, why down you goes ; 
 And the flow of language that I possess 
 Will open the tide of the Public 
 
 Leo. Water Companies ? 
 
 Godwin. Baths and Washhouses ? 
 
 Leo. I have it — Press ! 
 
 Rep. Just so ! Now you know the sort of thing that makes up 
 the business that I do ! 
 
 Three burlesques have been devoted to the life and 
 adventures of Sir Richard Whittington. There was, first, 
 the "Whittington Junior, and his Sensation Cat," of Mr. 
 Reece (Royalty, 1870); next, the "Young Dick Whitting- 
 ton" of Mr. Wilton Jones (Leicester, 1881); and next, the 
 "Whittington and his Cat" of Mr. Burnand (Gaiety, 1881). 
 Mr. Reece had Miss Henrietta Hodson (Mrs. Labouchere) 
 for his Whittington, while Miss Farren was Mr. Burnand's. 
 Robin Hood has had at least as many burlesque biographies 
 as Whittington. A travestie, written by Stocqueler, Shirley 
 Brooks, and Charles Kenny, and produced at the Lyceum 
 in 1846, with the Keeleys, Wigan and Frank Matthews, was 
 followed in 1862, at the Olympic, by one from the pen of 
 Mr. Burnand. Mr. Reece wrote one, called "Little Robin 
 Hood," which was seen at the Royalty in 1871, and this 
 was revived — in three-act form — at the Gaiety in 1882, 
 with Mr. Arthur Williams as a particularly droll Richard I. 
 Robin Hood, it may also be noted, was a prominent 
 character in Mr. Barnand's " Hit or * Miss,' " at the Olympic 
 in 1868. Heme the Hunter (who has a place in Mr. 
 Burnand's " Windsor Castle ") was made the leading per- 
 sonage in, and gave the title to, a travestie composed by 
 Messrs. Reece and Yardley, and performed at the Gaiety 
 
120 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 in 1 88 1. Five years later, at the Folly, we had "Heme 
 the Hunted," in which Mr. H. P. Stephens had a hand, 
 as well as Messrs. Yardley and Reece. Claude Duval was 
 turned into a burlesque hero by Mr. Burnand, and strutted 
 his hour upon the stage at the Royalty in 1869; followed 
 longo intervallo by Turpin — -here called "Dandy Dick 
 Turpin, the Mashing Highwayman," — whom Mr. Geoffrey 
 Thorn (Charles Townley) made the chief personage of a 
 travestie performed in London in 1889. 
 
VI. 
 
 BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE. 
 
 jnpRAVESTIE of the drama and things dramatic has 
 X naturally played a large part in the history of 
 English stage burlesque. Side by side with the producers 
 and interpreters of tragedy, melodrama, and plays of senti- 
 ment, have been the possessors of the humorous spirit, who 
 — ^whether as writers or as actors — have been quick to 
 see the points in which works oj^ serious plan and treat- . 
 ment have been open to the shafts of ridicule and raillery. 
 As we have seen, most of the earliest efforts in English 
 stage burlesque were directed against the extravagant 
 tragedies of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. 
 As time went on, and the limits of the serious drama 
 became more extended, so did the limits of burlesque 
 expand, and, from the days of John Poole downwards, the 
 large variety of serious dramatic production has co-existed 
 with a corresponding variety in the subject and style of 
 the travesties submitted to the public J 
 
 Among those travesties a prominent place has been taken 
 by the pieces devoted to the burlesque of Shakespeare 
 — not because they have been particularly numerous, for 
 they have not been so — nor because they have been 
 
122 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 uniformly successful, for the earlier specimens were sin- 
 gularly weak — but because of the general daring of the 
 attempts, and because also of the genuine sense of 
 fun exhibited by such baiters of " the Bard " as Gilbert 
 a'Beckett, Francis Talfourd, Stirling Coyne, William 
 Brough, Andrew Halliday (Duif ), F. C. Burnand, H. J. 
 Byron, and W. S. Gilbert. j^The business of burlesquing 
 Shakespeare has never, so far as I can see, been taken 
 up in a wholesale or an intentionally irreverent spirit. 
 The seventeenth and eighteenth-century satirists left " the 
 Bard" severely alone, and it was not until 1810 that the 
 first formal travestie of Shakespeare — Poole's ** Hamlet 
 Travestie " — saw the light. *~^ The author then made all 
 due apology for his temerity, at the same time pointing 
 out the absurdity of the idea that any amount or kind of 
 burlesque could possibly sully the fame of the dramatist. 
 Two years later, in the course of his preface to the fourth 
 edition of his work, Poole ironically congratulated " those 
 who, on its first appearance, were apprehensive for the 
 reputation of Shakespeare," upon the fact " that, notwith- 
 standing Three Editions already before the public, he is 
 neither expelled from our libraries, nor banished from our 
 stage." 
 
 The truth is, a brilliant burlesque does harm to nobody ; 
 and a bad burlesque does but recoil upon the head of its 
 author and his exponents. Poole's " Hamlet Travestie " is 
 
 * It was performed at Coveirt Garden in 18 13, with Mathews as 
 Hamlet, Blanchard as the King, Liston as Ophelia, and Mrs. Listen 
 as the Queen. It was revived in 1874 on one occasion with Mr. Odell 
 as Hamlet, and shortly afterwards with Mr. Leonard Boyne as the 
 Prince, both actors indulging in an imitation of Mr. Irving's per- 
 formance. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 123 
 
 marked by the best intentions, but, as a whole, it makes 
 dreary reading. The opening colloquy between Hamlet, 
 King Claudius, and Queen Gertrude will give, to those 
 who have not already perused the piece, a notion of the 
 quality of the dialogue : — 
 
 King (to Hamlet). Cheer up, my son and cousin, never mind — 
 
 Ham. A little more than kin, and less than kind. 
 
 King. Why hang the clouds still on you ? Come, have done. 
 
 Ha7n, You're out, my lord ; I'm too much in the sun. — 
 
 Queen. Come, Hamlet, leave off crying ; 'tis in vain, 
 Since crying will not bring him back again. 
 Besides, 'tis common : all that live must die — 
 So blow your nose, my dear, and do not cry. 
 
 Ham. Ay, madam, it is common. 
 
 Queen, If it be, 
 
 Why seems there such a mighty fuss with thee ? 
 
 Ham. Talk not to me of seems — when husbands die, 
 'Twere well if some folks seem'd the same as I. 
 But / have that within, you can't take from me — 
 As for black clothes — that's all my eye and Tommy. 
 
 King. Cheer up, my hearty ; though you've lost your dad. 
 Consider that your case is not so bad : 
 Your father lost a father ; and 'tis certain, 
 Death o'er your great-grandfather drew the curtain. 
 You've mourn'd enough ; 'tis time your grief to smother ; 
 Don't cry : yoU shall be king some time or other. 
 
 Queen. Go not to Wittenburg, my love, I pray you. 
 
 Ham. Mamma, I shall in all my best obey you. 
 
 King. Well said, my \sA ! Cheer up, no more foul weather : 
 We'll meet anon, and all get drunk together. 
 
 It was part of Poole's method to put the soliloquies 
 into the form of songs, and so we find the lines beginning 
 " O that this too too solid flesh would melt ! " appearing in 
 the following form : — 
 
124 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 A ducat I'd give if a sure way I knew 
 How to thaw and resolve my stout flesh into dew ! 
 How happy were I if no sin was self-slaughter ! 
 For I'd then throw myself and my cares in the water. 
 
 Derry down, down, down, derry down. 
 
 How weary, how profitless, — stale, and how flat, 
 Seem to me all life's uses, its joys, and all that : 
 This world is a garden unweeded ; and clearly 
 Not worth living for — things rank and gross hold it merely. 
 
 Derry down, etc. 
 
 Two months have scarce pass'd since dad's death, and my mother, 
 Like a brute as she is, has just married his brother. — 
 To wed such a bore I — but 'tis all too late now : 
 We can't make a silk purse of the ear of a sow. 
 
 Derry down, etc. 
 
 The time-honoured " To be or not to be " is sung in this 
 version to the tune of " Here we go up, up, up " : — 
 
 When a man becomes tired of his life, 
 
 The question is, ** to be, or not to be ? " 
 For before he dare finish the strife, 
 
 His reflections most serious ought to be. 
 When his troubles too numerous grow, 
 
 And he knows of no method to mend them, 
 Had he best bear them tamely, or no ? — 
 
 Or by stoutly opposing them, end them ? 
 
 Ri tol de rol, etc. 
 
 To die is to sleep — nothing more — 
 
 And by sleeping to say we end sorrow, 
 And pain, and ten thousand things more, — 
 
 Oh, I wish it were 7?zy turn to-morrow ! 
 But, perchance, in that sleep we may dream. 
 
 For we dream in our beds very often — 
 Now, however capricious 't may seem, 
 
 I've no notion of dreams in a coflin. 
 
 Ri tol de rol, etc. 
 
y/. ^. pILBERT. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 125 
 
 'Tis the doubt of our ending all snugly, 
 
 That makes us with life thus dispute ; 
 Or who'd bear with a wife old and ugly, 
 
 Or the length of a chancery suit ? 
 Or who would bear fardels, and take 
 
 Kicks, cuffs, frowns, and many an odd thing. 
 When he might his own quietus make, 
 
 And end all his cares with a bodkin ? 
 
 Ri tol de rol, etc. 
 
 The " annotations " appended to the text of the burlesque 
 are in parody of the performances of the commentators, 
 who at least are fair game for chaff of this sort, and on 
 whom Poole, in his preface, lavishes some excellent in- 
 dignation. 
 
 [Oi subsequent burlesques of " Hamlet " there have not 
 been many, but some of them have been really clever and 
 commendable. There was, for instance, Talfourd's, pub- 
 lished at Oxford in 1849; there was the "Hamlet k la 
 Mode " of Messrs. G. L. Gordon and G. W. Anson, 
 performed at Liverpool in 1877; there was the "Veiy 
 Little Hamlet " of Mr. William Yardley, seen at the Gaiety 
 in 1884; and last, but assuredly not least, we have had the 
 " Rosencrantz and Guildenstern '' of Mr. Gilbert, which, 
 written originally without thought either of public or of 
 private representation, has been enacted at a benefit 
 matink during the present year. 
 
 In "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern," which is an un- 
 pretentious little "skit,'' covering only some sixteen or 
 seventeen printed pages, Mr. Gilbert supposes that Hamlet 
 is the son (not the step-son) of Claudius. " Rosencrantz is 
 a lover of Ophelia, to whom Hamlet is betrothed, and they 
 lay their heads together to devise a plan by which Hamlet 
 
126 At BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 may be put out of the way. Some Court theatricals are in 
 preparation." Now, once upon a time, Claudius had written 
 a tragedy, which was damned, and to which no one is 
 allowed to make reference on pain of death, "Ophelia 
 and Rosencrantz persuade Hamlet to play his father's 
 tragedy before the king and court. Hamlet, who is unaware 
 of the proscription, does so ; and he is banished, and 
 Rosencrantz happily united to Ophelia." 
 
 In the first act, Rosencrantz, who has never seen Hamlet 
 (apparently, because the former has been abroad), asks 
 Ophelia what the Prince is like, and that gives Mr. Gilbert 
 an opportunity for some characteristic satire. Ophelia says 
 of Hamlet that he is " alike for no two seasons at a time " : — 
 
 Sometimes he's tall — sometimes he's very short — 
 Now with black hair — now with a flaxen wig — 
 Sometimes an English accent — then a French — 
 Then EngHsh with a strong provincial " burr." 
 Once an American and once a Jew — 
 But Danish never, take him how you will ! 
 And, strange to say, whate'er his tongue may be, 
 Whether he's dark or flaxen — English — French — 
 Though we're in Denmark, A. D. ten — six — two — 
 He always dresses as King James the First ! 
 
 Guild. Oh, he is surely mad ! 
 
 Oph, Well, there again 
 
 Opinion is divided. Some men hold 
 That he's the sanest far of all sane men — 
 Some that he's really sane, but shamming mad — 
 Some that he's really mad, but shamming sane- 
 Some that he will be mad, some that he was — 
 Some that he couldn't be 1 But, on the whole 
 (As far as I can make out what they mean), 
 The favourite theory 's somewhat like this : 
 Hamlet is idiotically sane 
 With lucid intervals of lunacy. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 127 
 
 In the second act, the Queen, observing that Hamlet 
 is about to soliloquise, urges Rosencrantz and Guildenstern 
 to " prevent this, gentlemen, by any means '' : — 
 
 Anticipate his points. 
 And follow out his argument for him ; 
 Thus you will cut the ground from 'neath his feet, 
 And leave him nought to say. , 
 
 The result is as follows : — 
 
 Enter Hamlet ; he stalks to a chair ^ throws himself into it. 
 
 Ham, To be — or not to be ! 
 
 Ros. (r. of chair) Yes — that's the point ! 
 
 Whether he's bravest who will cut his throat 
 Rather than suffer all — 
 
 Guild, (l. of chair) Or suffer all 
 Rather than cut his throat ? 
 
 Ham. {annoyed at interruption^ resumes) To die — to sleep 
 
 Ros, It's nothing more — Death is but sleep spun out — 
 Why hesitate ? ( Offers him a dagger,') 
 
 Guild, The only question is 
 
 Between the choice of deaths which death to choose. 
 
 {Offers another.) 
 
 Ham, {in great terror) Do take these dreadful things away. They 
 make 
 My blood run cold. {Resumes) To sleep, perchance to^ — 
 
 Ros. Dream. 
 
 That's very true. I never dream myself, 
 But Guildenstern dreams all night long out loud. 
 
 Gtiild. With blushes, sir, I do confess it true I 
 
 Ham. This question, gentlemen, concerns me not. 
 {Resumes) For who would bear the whips and scorns of time 
 
 Ros. {as guessing a riddle) Who'd bear the whips and scorns ? Now le t 
 me see. 
 Who'd bear them^ eh ? 
 
 Guild, {same business) Who'd bear the scorns of time — ^^ 
 
 Ros. {correcting him) The whips and scorns. 
 
128 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Guild. The whips and scorns, of course. 
 
 {Hamlet about to protest) 
 Don't tell us — let us guess— the whips of time ? 
 
 Ham. Oh, sirs, this interruption likes us not. 
 I pray you give it up. 
 
 Ros. My lord, we do. 
 
 We cannot tell who bears these whips and scorns ! 
 
 The third act opens with a passage in which the turns 
 and rhythm of Shakespearean prose are happily imitated : — 
 
 Ente7- King and Queen, meeting Rosencrantz. 
 
 Queen. A fair good morrow to you, Rosencrantz. How march the 
 Royal revels ? 
 
 Ros. Lamely, madam, lamely, like a one-legged duck. The Prince 
 has discovered a strange play. He hath called it " A Right Reckoning 
 Long Delayed." 
 
 Claud. And of what fashion is the Prince's play ? 
 
 Ros. 'Tis an excellent poor tragedy, my Lord — a thing of shreds and 
 patches welded into a form that hath mass without consistency, like an 
 ill-built villa. 
 
 Queen. But, si^, you should have used your best endeavours to wean 
 his phantasy from such a play. 
 
 Ros. Madam, I did, and with some success ; for he now seeth the 
 absurdity of its tragical catastrophes, and laughs at it as freely as we 
 do. So, albeit the poor author had hoped to have drawn tears of 
 sympathy, the Prince hath resolved to present it as a piece of pompous 
 folly intended to excite no loftier emotion than laughter and surprise. 
 
 After Poole published his "Hamlet,"* Shakespearean 
 burlesque slumbered until 1834, when Maurice G. Dowling 
 
 * In *' Hamlet Improved," by Colonel Colomb, a Mr. Mendall is 
 supposed to have revised the last act of ** Hamlet" in accordance with 
 modern notions. Polonius is alive, having been only wounded by 
 Hamlet ; Hamlet's father also is alive, having only pretended to be dead. 
 At the close, the King, Queen, Laertes, and Ophelia, all come to Hfe 
 again. Hamlet is represented by a stuffed figure, the actor chosen for 
 the part having refused to enact it. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 129 
 
 produced at Liverpool his *^ Othello Travestie." In this 
 dull production, the Moor of Venice figures as "an in- 
 dependent nigger from the Republic of Hayti," and talks 
 in " darkey " dialect (as does the same writer's CHfford in 
 "Fair Rosamond''). Here, for example, is this Othello's 
 address to the Senate (written and sung to the air of 
 "Yankee Doodle"):— 
 
 Potent, grave, and rev'rend sir, » 
 
 Very noble massa — 
 When de maid a man prefer 
 
 Den him no can pass her. 
 Yes, it is most werry true, 
 
 Him take dis old man's daughter ; 
 But no by spell, him promise you, 
 
 But by fair means him caught her. 
 
 'Tis true she lub him berry much, 
 
 'Tis true dat off him carry her, 
 And dat him lub for her is such, 
 
 'Tis werry true him marry her. 
 All dis be true — and till him dead. 
 
 Him lub her widout ending — 
 And dis, my massa, is the head 
 
 And tail of him offending, 
 
 Dis'old man once him lub me too. 
 
 Do' now in rage before ye, 
 And often say, '* Come Othello, 
 
 And tell us pretty story. 
 About der time when yon young child, 
 
 (You naughty lilly child ye). 
 And when you 'bout de wood run wild. 
 
 And when you sold for slavey." 
 
 Den ebery day him tell all dis, 
 
 And sometimes lilly lie, too. 
 And him look in de eye of miss. 
 
 And den him hear her sigh, too, 
 W. L.-V. n 
 
I30 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Den missee meet him all alone, 
 
 And den him ax her wedder, 
 Him make de both two hearts in one, 
 
 Den off dey run togedder. 
 
 W. J. Hammond played Othello in this piece, both at 
 Liverpool, and afterwards at the Strand Theatre, where 
 popular Miss E. Daly was the Desdemona and H. Hall 
 the lago. What can these presumably capable actors have 
 thought of their roles ? The text of the burlesque is almost 
 wholly without humour, of which, however, there is a gleam 
 in the complaint made by Cassio that he has been ruined 
 by a pint of beer : — 
 
 My reputation's lost — my reputation ! 
 
 I'm bother "d, sir — I'm bother'd quite with thinking ; 
 
 I've lost my reputation, sir, for drinking. 
 
 I, who to good brown stout ne'Sr yet turn'd tail, 
 
 Drunk and bedevil'd with a mug of ale ! 
 
 Was ever man in such a situation ? 
 
 My reputation, sir — my reputation ! 
 
 H. J. Byron's "Rival Othellos" (played at the Strand 
 in 1876) was not a travestie of the tragedy; but it 
 gave opportunity for some clever burlesque of tragic 
 acting. 
 
 We come now to the first (and, so far as I know, the only) 
 travestie of " King John/' which happily was essayed by the 
 capable pen of Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett. The year was 
 1837, the locale the St. James's Theatre, and Hall the 
 representative of the title- part, with Mme. Sala as Lady 
 Constance. The play was lucky in being dealt with by so 
 deft a workman. The subject was not very promising, and 
 all was done with it that was possible. The scene in which 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE. 131 
 
 the King incites Hubert to get rid of Arthur was thus 
 travestied : — 
 
 Hubert, my friend, I had a thing to say. 
 But let it pass — the sun is shining bright : 
 To suit my purpose, it had needs be night, 
 If where we stand could be a railroad tunnel, 
 As if we looked at Tartarus through a funnel ; 
 If you could only scent what I propose. 
 Yet let it not smell rankly in your nose. 
 
 If you could, or if I Hubert, my lad. 
 
 Who made that coat ? — indeed, the cut's not bad. 
 
 Htib. Great king, you know I always lov'd you well, 
 Then why not in a word your wishes tell ? 
 Why roll your troubled eye about its socket ? 
 My lord, your heart is in your breeches pocket. 
 Though it would cost my life, what is't you need ? 
 I'll do yourbidding — 
 
 K. John. You're a friend indeed ! 
 
 But Hubert, Hubert, Hubert, throw your eye 
 On that young lad, that now is standing by ; 
 I'll tell you what, my friend : that boy, I feel, 
 Is, in my path, a piece of orange peel, 
 And wheresoe'er I tread he'll throw me down, 
 And if I fall, you know, I crack my crown. 
 ( Taking out his snuff-box.') • 
 You are his keeper — are you up to snuff? 
 
 Hub. I am ! I'll keep the urchin safe enough. 
 
 K. John. Remove him 
 
 Hub. He shall die ! 
 
 K, John, Egad, I feel 
 So merry, Hubert, I could dance a reel. 
 What shall I give thee ? 
 
 Hub. What you please. 
 
 K.John. Then let it- 
 Stand over, gentle Hubert, till you get it. 
 
 Here, again, is the perversion of the famous scene between 
 Hubert and the boy : — 
 
132 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Arth. Hubert, .good Hubert, how are you to-day? 
 
 Hub. I must not listen to his childish chatter, 
 For if I do he'll melt my heart like batter. 
 {Aside) Look here, young Arthur {gives tvarrant): can you 
 
 understand 
 This paper, written in a large text hand ? 
 
 Arth, Oh, can I read it ? — oh, unhappy youth ! 
 Must you with pinchers then take out my tooth ? 
 
 Hub. Young boy, I must. 
 
 Arth. And will you ? 
 
 Hub. Yes, I will. - 
 
 Arth. Oh, it's too bad — when you were taken ill. 
 Who was it to the chemist's ran full gallop. 
 To get a penny dose of salts and jalap ! 
 And when I've seen you, after dining out. 
 When you've made free at some hot drinking bout, 
 Have I not always been extremely willing 
 To give for soda-water my last shilling ? 
 And you'll take out my tooth ? If you will, come — 
 I'll not resist, — here is my tooth, by gum ! 
 
 Hub. Young boy, I've sworn to do it — do not flinch : 
 These instruments must help me at a pinch. 
 Come forth ! {Stamps.) 
 
 ^ Enter Ruffian, with a pewter basin ^ tozvel, etc. 
 
 (7^7 Ruffian). Do as I bid you, 
 
 Arth. Hubert, stay : 
 
 My tooth is out — do send that man away. (Ruffian seizes Arthur.) 
 
 Hub. Now for the pinchers — now for one bold tug. 
 
 Arth. Why be so boisterous ? I will hold my mug. 
 For Heaven's sake, Hubert, send that man away, 
 And not a word against it I will say. 
 Hubert, thy word indeed shall be my law ; 
 My tooth is out : see, I will hold my jaw ! 
 
 Hub, {to Ruffian). Go, stand without ; I by myself will do it. 
 
 Ruffian. Indeed 'twould make me ill were I to view it. 
 
 \_Exit Ruffian. 
 
 Elsewhere King John sings, to the air of ** The Light of 
 other Days," this excellent parody : — 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE. 133 
 
 The robe of other days has faded, 
 
 Its gloss has from it pass'd ; 
 For dust with little specks has shaded 
 
 The stuff too fine to last. 
 The robe of velvet made of cotton, 
 
 For wear much better pays ; 
 But, alas ! how shabby this I've got on, 
 
 The robe of other days ! 
 
 The coat that is not worth a stiver, 
 
 An old and worn-out thing, 
 When touch'd with black and blue reviver. 
 
 Like a new one up will spring. 
 You may dye the coat of one that's needy. 
 
 Of stuff as coarse as baize ; 
 But the robe is done for when 'tis seedy. 
 
 The robe of other days. 
 
 The first burlesque of ** Romeo and Juliet " was brought 
 out at the Strand in the same year as that which saw 
 the birth of A'Beckett's " King John." The author was 
 Maurice G. Dowling, who succeeded in producing some- 
 thing worthy to rank with his "Othello." In his "Romeo 
 and Juliet " Montagu and Capulet are rival basket-makers, 
 " Mr." Mercutio being foreman to the former, who also has 
 " Mr. Ben Volio " in his employ. Tybalt is a fireman and 
 ratcatcher to the Duke of Mantua ; " Mr." Friar Laurence, 
 a " black-and-white-smith " at Gretna Green. Romeo talks 
 in illiterate fashion, and at one point sticks a pin into Paris's 
 back ! Miss Daly was the Juliet, and she and Hammond 
 (as Romeo) had to speak, in the balcony scene, such lines 
 as these : — 
 
 Enter Romeo over wall, 
 Rom. He just knows nothing who's been scratched with pins, 
 
 Unless he's felt the pain of broken shins. 
 
 (Juliet appears at balcony with lantern.) 
 
 Oh my ! what light is that upon the wall 
 
 Rising like yeast ? Crikey, if she should fall ! 
 
134 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Come down, my duck ; the moon can't stand no chance — 
 
 You'll easy stare her out of countenance. 
 
 You're prettier far than she— I'm not in joke, 
 
 Miss ; what did you say ? Oh, la, I thought she spoke ! 
 
 I wish she was in heaven, and then her eyes 
 
 Would be two stars a twinkling in the skies. 
 
 There ! now she puts her hand upon her head — 
 
 I wish I was that hair — those curls instead, 
 
 That she might comb me when she went to bed. 
 
 Jul. Oh, my ! I wish that nice young man would come ! 
 
 Rom. She speaks ! a sign she isn't deaf and dumb. 
 
 Jul. O Romeo ! — Romeo I perhaps you're not to blame, 
 But it's a very shocking, ugly name ; 
 Go to your godfather, and refuse to wear it, 
 Or if you won't, be but my love, and swear it ; 
 And I'll lea\5e home, and go live with you. 
 And be young Mistress Romeo Montague. 
 The name is not so bad — what's in a name ? 
 A Rose if Garlick call'd would smell the same. 
 
 The Friar's directions to Juliet are given in the course of a 
 song, of which the following is the opening verse : — 
 
 Here's a bottle of gin— do take it, dear, 
 Put it under your pillow, or somewhere near, 
 And when the old Nurse to her bed is gone, 
 First make yourself certain you're quite alone. 
 Then take this bottle— drink part of it off— 
 'Tis double distill'd, and may make you cough — 
 When presently through your veins will walk 
 A comical tremor — a wish to talk, 
 
 Oh, the bottle of gin ! 
 
 When, in 1859, Andrew Halliday produced, at the Strand, 
 a " Romeo and Juliet Travestie, or the Cup of Cold Poison,"* 
 
 * This was the piece in which Miss C. Saunders played Romeo, and 
 Miss Marie Wilton Juliet. Maria Simpson was the Mercutio, J. Clarke 
 the Nurse, Rogers the Apothecary, Bland the Friar, and Miss Bufton 
 the Paris. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 135 
 
 he did better, I need hardly say, than his predecessor. His 
 treatment of the balcony scene, for instance, was at least 
 not vulgar : — 
 
 Romeo appears on the top of the wall and comes down ladder, 
 
 Rom. He jests at scars, who never wore a patch, 
 Or mounted garden wall and got a scratch 
 From row of broken bottles. 
 
 (Juliet appears on balcony.^ 
 Jul. Ha! 'tis he! 
 
 Rom. Juliet ! 
 
 Jul. Romeo ! ah, yes 1 'tis he ! 
 
 Rom. Oh, say that name again ! 
 Jul. Oh, me ! oh ! 
 
 Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo ? 
 
 Rom. Well, *pon my soul, my love, my sweet, my dear, 
 I haven't got the most remote idea ; 
 
 My father perhaps 
 
 /ul. Deny him. 
 
 Rom. Then my mother. 
 
 She does not know I'm out. 
 Jul, Oh, what a bother ! 
 
 Rom, What is a bother, sweet ? 
 Jul. That you, 
 
 My Romeo, should be a Montague, 
 And I a Capulet — and yet what's in a name ? 
 Were you called Jones, I'd love you all the same ; 
 You'd be no worse : mark this, I do entreat — 
 The Serpentine by other name would smell as sweet. 
 
 Rom. Would I were some one else 
 
 Jul, But fate assigns 
 
 A bitter lot, and rules the hardest lines. 
 
 Rom. (sneezes, and as if with cold in his head) It's getting chilly, 
 dear, but hear me swear — 
 By the boon, green cheese of heaven — look there. 
 Shining as brightly as a silver spoon. 
 Jul. {sneezings and zvith a cold) Swear not by the boon — the 
 inconstant boon. 
 Who changes oft, and twelve times in a year 
 Hooks it like a tenant in arrear. 
 
136 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Rom. What shall I swear by, then, to gain a seat 
 In your affections ? 
 
 Jul. Oh, do not swear, my sweet, 
 
 At all. A good rule we now commence with : 
 We take our seats — the oaths we do dispense with. 
 
 For the rest, the burlesque followed many lines of the 
 original closely enough,* save that, at the end, Romeo, 
 Juliet, Mercutio, Tybalt, and Paris, were all revived, 
 much to the indignation of Shakespeare, a statue of whom 
 appeared, with finger held up in a menacing manner. 
 
 The piece was well stocked with puns ; as, for example : — 
 
 Who doubts Mercutio's courage him mistakes : 
 He hates a broil^ but he will fight for stakes. 
 
 And again : — 
 
 By reason of this bunion on my toe, 
 
 TYiis pilgfwi's progress has been very slow. 
 
 After "Romeo and Juliet," the first of Shakespeare's 
 plays to be burlesqued was " Richard III.,'' of which 
 Charles Selby, the comedian, and Stirling Coyne, the well- 
 known man of letters, each perpetrated a travestie in 1844. 
 Selby's piece t was founded on the Colley Cibber adaptation, 
 and introduced Henry VI., who, at the end, was represented 
 as coming to life again and quietly assuming the crown 
 which Richmond was about to take. Richard also is 
 resuscitated, after a fashion very popular in burlesques 
 of Shakespeare. Of literary merit Selby's work had little. 
 
 * Juliet was sent to sleep, not by a potion, but by a perusal of the 
 latest work of Mr. Tupper. 
 
 t Produced at the Strand, with Hammond as Richard, Wigan as 
 Henry VI., Romer as Tressel, Miss L. Lyons as Lady Anne, and 
 so on. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 137 
 
 Take, for example, his arrangement of the scene in 
 which Richard woos the Lady Anne : — 
 
 Lady A. Well, I never 1 You ugly, naughty man, 
 Why do you thus torment the wretched Anne ? 
 
 Richard. Torment ! sweet saint, recall that killing word. 
 And substitute adore. 
 
 Lady A. Indeed ! I've heard 
 
 Old gossips say he's but a silly calf, 
 Who fondly thinks to catch old birds with chaff". 
 Look on that pattern of thy gentle love ! {pointing qfi r.) 
 
 Richard. I do, and weep, my pretty turtle-dove. 
 And yet methinks I can excuse myself 
 
 Lady A. Wholesale butcher ! 
 
 Richard. Thou dost abuse thyself ! 
 
 {Rapidly, with great passion) Thou art the cause of all my peccadilloes — 
 Thy beauty (like Battersean billows. 
 Which market barges smash to shivereens, 
 And cheat the town of sparrozu grass and greens). 
 Thy fatal beauty, for whose dear sake, 
 Of all the world I'd Epping sausage make ! 
 Or kill myself— (if thou shouldst wish me die) 
 One hour on that soft breast to lie. 
 
 Lady A. Nonsense ! I don't believe you ! get along ! 
 
 {hitting him play fully with her fan.) . 
 
 Richard. I know, dear love, I've done thee grievous wrong ! 
 But though by me thy husband's death was done, 
 'Twas but to help thee to a better one. 
 
 Lady A. His better does not wear a head. 
 
 Richard. He lives who loves thee better. 
 
 Lady A. Whom ? 
 
 Richard. Nay, guess. 
 
 Lady A. I can't. I'm a dunce at riddle-me-ree. 
 Some lunatic, of course ? 
 
 Richard. Made so by thee ! {kneels) 
 
 Turn thy bright eyes on this devoted head — 
 
 Lady A. Would they were baganets, to stick thee dead ! {crosses R.) 
 
 Richard. I would they were — that I at once might hop the twig ! 
 For now, v/ith cruel scorn, they at me dig. 
 
138 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 And hom(eopathically mill me. 
 
 If thou art determined, sweet, to kill me, 
 
 This '' Trifle from Sheffield " in my buzzum stick, 
 
 And let the daylight through your loving Dick. 
 
 {kneels and gives her his sword,) 
 
 Twenty-four years later, Mr. Burnand took up this 
 
 subject. His work was called "The Rise and Fall of 
 
 Richard III.," and was performed at the Royalty. His 
 
 treatment of the wooing scene may well be contrasted 
 
 with that of Selby. For instance : — 
 
 Richard. I see that you a passion for me foster 
 
 Anne. Passion for you ! High, mighty, double Glo'ster. 
 Rich. Oh, call me double Glo'ster, if you please, 
 As long as I, in your eyes, am the cheese. 
 Anne. A cheese ! Why, then I cut you. {going) 
 Rich. I've the daring 
 
 To ask you to consider this cheese paring. 
 Anne. You are hump-backed. 
 Rich. Oh, hump-bug ! 
 
 Anne. And knock'd knee'd. 
 
 Rich. A friend in-knee'd, ma'am, is a friend indeed. 
 
 In puns, and good puns too, this piece is particularly 
 
 prolific. Thus, Richard's mother says of him that 
 
 He as a child took early to the bottle, 
 As all our family did, and my relations — 
 I can look back on many ginny-x2X\<yc&. 
 Yes, and my ancestors — they never fought 
 With greater spirit than at A-^V^-court. 
 
 Buckingham says to Richard — 
 
 Don't be Protector, Richard— be Dick-tator. 
 
 Richmond says of him : — 
 
 There Richard lays ; 
 
 whereupon Richard replies : — 
 
 To order sir, I rise ; 
 Who says *' he lays " grammatically lies. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE. 139 
 
 Of Richmond, the Duchess of York observes : — 
 
 His hair is cut so short where once it flowed. 
 
 Richard, 'Tis a French crop, like grass — 'tis a la mowed, 
 
 Richmond, by the way, is supposed to be fresh from 
 France, and talks broken English. The Duchess aforesaid 
 asks him : — 
 
 How are you, Richmond ? well ? or Richmond 'ill ? 
 
 Buckingham says to Anne : — 
 
 I'll introduce, allow me, to your Grace, 
 
 The Lord Mayor, the Recorder, and Jem Mace. 
 
 Anne. Their robes are beautiful. Oh, nicey, nicey ! 
 Especially the Mace — he does look sptcey ! 
 
 But perhaps the best pun in the piece is that which is 
 made apropos of the fact that Catesby and Tyrell have 
 fallen over the coal-scuttle on the stairs and hurt them- 
 selves : — 
 
 Richard. My friends are hurt, so you'll excuse them grinning. 
 Elizabeth. Excuse ! oh, they're more shinned against than shinning ! 
 
 Talfourd's " Macbeth, somewhat removed from the Text 
 of Shakespeare,'' was first performed in 1847 ^^ Henley-on- 
 Thames during the regatta; next, at the Strand, in 1848; 
 afterwards at the Qlynipic, in 1853. At the last-named 
 theatre it had the advantage of the aid of Robson in the 
 title-part, of G. Cooke as Duncan, and of Mrs. A. Phillips as 
 Lady Macbeth. It paraphrases the original fairly well until 
 near the close, when, after Macduff has slain Macbeth, 
 Duncan reappears (Hke Henry VI. in Selby's piece) and 
 takes the crown from Malcolm. Similarly, Macbeth, his wife, 
 and Banquo turn up again, and announce their willingness 
 to die nightly. 
 
I40 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 In the first act Lady Macbeth comes in reading her 
 husband's letter, as follows : — 
 
 We met, 'twas on a heath, and on that day 
 
 When victory had flushed us ; really they 
 
 Both turned our blood to acrds and stopped our way ; 
 
 Sally, report has said, and I have got 
 
 A gothic notion, they know what is what ; 
 
 They called me, dear, all manner of rum things : 
 
 While Cawdor's title in my noddle rings, 
 
 Would you believe it ? but a flunkey brings 
 
 The news of Cawdor's death ; I have to thank 
 
 That queer old file for giving me his rank. 
 
 One hailed me King — I pause to wipe my eye, 
 
 For it's affecting. — Sally, dear, good-bye ! 
 
 Ever affectionately yours, till death 
 
 Pops on his extinguisher, 
 
 Samuel Macbeth. 
 
 Lady Macbeth comments on this : — 
 
 Of all rum goes, this is about the rummest ! 
 
 Cawdor thou art, and shalt be — what thou'rt promised. 
 
 Yet will thy scruples my intentions clog ; 
 
 To go at once the unadulterate hog 
 
 Is not thy nature. Thou'rt the style of buck 
 
 That has the tuill to sin, but not the pluck. 
 
 When Macbeth enters, she cries : — 
 
 Welcome, great Glamis !— welcome, worthy Cawdor ! 
 Nay greater ! {they embrace). 
 
 Macb. Ducky ! Duncan comes to-night, 
 
 To stay and sup with us. 
 
 Lady M. Yes, that's all right. 
 
 {Significantly) When goes he hence ? 
 
 Macb. To-morrow he'll endeavour. 
 
 Lady M. {mysteriously) Not if I knows it, Sammy- 
 trust me, never ! 
 
 Macb. What mean you ? 
 
 Lady M. Why, at such things you a muflf are ! 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE. 141 
 
 Macb> You wouldn't have me spifflicate the buffer ? 
 I must think more of this. 
 
 Lady M. Look (so thou wilt less 
 
 Suspicion rouse) particularly guiltless — 
 Leave all the rest to me. 
 
 Macb. ThQ restl Don't fret at all ;— 
 
 If I do this, no rest for me — ^you'll get it all. 
 
 Then they sing a duet, to the tune of " There's a good 
 time coming " : — 
 
 ,Lady M. There's a good chance coming, Sam — 
 A good chance coming ! 
 If the King comes here to-day, 
 We're not such flats as throw away 
 The good chance coming ! 
 Macb. But, my love, it's very wrong — 
 Nothing could be wronger 
 
 Than such a thing 
 
 Lady M, Well, hold your tongue, 
 
 And wait a little longer ! 
 
 The first burlesque of '* The Tempest " made its appear- 
 ance at the Adelphi in 1848. It was from the pen of the 
 Brothers Brough, and was entitled "The Enchanted Isle, 
 or Raising the Wind on the most Approved Principles.'' 
 " O." Smith was Prospero, with Miss Taylor as his daughter 
 Miranda ; Miss Woolgar being the Ferdinand, with Paul 
 Bedford for her father — the Ariel Mme. Celeste, and the 
 Caliban Munyard. Some years were destined to elapse 
 before the subject again attracted the burlesque writer ; and 
 the writer then was Mr. Burnand, who gave to his work the 
 name of "Ariel," submitting it to the public in 1883 ^t 
 the Gaiety. Miss Ellen Farren took the title-part, with 
 Mr. Henry Monkhouse as Prospero, Mr. Frank Wyatt 
 as Sebastian, Mr. Dallas as Alonso, and Miss Connie 
 
142 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Gilchrist as Miranda. This " perversion " was in three 
 acts, and was one of the productions which led the way to 
 the New Burlesque. 
 
 To Talfourd belongs the distinction of being the first 
 to burlesque "The Merchant of Venice." He called his 
 work " Shylock, or the Merchant of Venice Preserved : 
 an entirely New Reading of Shakespeare, from an edition 
 hitherto undiscovered by modern authorities, and which it 
 is hoped may be received as the stray leaves of a Jerusalem 
 Hearty-Joke." This came out at the Olympic in 1853, and 
 again Talfourd had Robson as the exponent of his principal 
 character. Again, too, he followed his original with some 
 care, burlesquing rather in detail than on broad lines. 
 Take, for example, his " reading " of a portion of the trial 
 scene. Shylock has been foiled by Portia, and wishes to 
 leave the court : — 
 
 Shy. Give me my principal, and I'll away. 
 For. Best car^y out your p'inciple an(5 stay. 
 Nay, Shylock, though you choose forgive the debt, 
 You'd find the law had hold upon you yet. 
 
 Shy. I say, young man, your practice rather sharp is. 
 Grat. Not when he practises on i\iQ fews-harp-ies. 
 Ant. Shylock, although your conduct in this case 
 In its whole tenor has been thorough base, 
 On one condition I won't press the charge, 
 And you're at liberty to go at large. 
 
 Shy. At large ? I feel particularly small, 
 (Aside) But thank my stars that I can go at all. 
 {Shylock is goings but is prevented by the officers of the Court) 
 Ant. There are two points, though, that I must insist on : 
 You'll shave your face and look more like a Christian, 
 And take your daughter to your arms again. 
 
 Shy. Well, since you've got the upper hand, it's plain 
 I must knock under— and I will, I swear, 
 Receive my heiress and cut off my hair I 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE, 143 
 
 {Jessica and Lorenzo come forward, ) 
 
 less. You pardon us, pa ? 
 
 Shy. Yes, howe'er distressing 
 
 To my paternal feelings, take my blessing. 
 Fathers, I think, will own my case a hard 'un, 
 She's done for pa, and now she asks her par-don. 
 
 Gratiano, in this version, is represented as a flunkey, in 
 which character he makes love to Nerissa : — 
 
 Blush not that I'm a footman, I conjures ; 
 Let not my plushes be the cause of yours. 
 You to the eyes — but, though more difficulter, 
 / to the knees plush as the knee plush ultra. 
 
 Everywhere the puns are as clever as they are bright. 
 Portia says to Nerissa : — 
 
 Mind, a maiden should 
 Of kisses to a bearded man be chary. 
 Nerissa, Such a salute, ma'am, must be salute-hairy, 
 
 Launcelot, again, says to Jessica : — 
 
 But smile again, and all will sunshine be, 
 Sweet Israelite, you is real light to me ! 
 Mock not my misery — I know full well 
 I'm a poor serf2xA hes a heavy swell. 
 
 Once more, Shylock says : — 
 
 My only heiress, folks will say in mock, 
 Fled like a timid hair from a Shy-lock ! . . . 
 Unfeeling child, who's left her sire to sigh, 
 Without a tie ox prop ox prop-ei'-ty. 
 
 We come now to the production, at the Lyceum in 1856, 
 of William Brough's perversion of "The Winter's Tale," — 
 " Perdita, or the Royal Milkmaid." * This was fitted with a 
 prologue in which Time sang an effective song, descriptive 
 
 * See pp. 39, 40. 
 
144 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 of the author's aims and intentions, and winding up with 
 
 this ingenuous verse : — 
 
 This period to match, in each single snatch 
 
 Of music to be sung, I've tried of 
 The oldest tunes to get, including that as yet 
 Unknown melody the old cow died of. 
 
 And that all might be 
 
 In antiquity 
 Alike, I for my puns cry quarter, 
 
 For I've chosen, good folks. 
 
 The most ancient jokes 
 For this worthy old dramatist's slaughter. 
 
 When Autolycus appears upon the scene, with his 
 pedlar's box, he is made to excuse his "conveying" pro- 
 pensities in a ditty suggested by the then popular song 
 called " Bobbing Around " : — 
 
 The shopkeeper who gives short weight 
 
 Is robbing all round, all round, all round ; 
 The grocers who adulterate. 
 
 Like me go robbing all round. 
 The milkman in his lowly walk 
 
 Goes robbing all round, all round, all round ; 
 When, 'stead of milk, he walks his chalk. 
 
 And so goes robbing around. 
 The publican dilutes our beer, 
 
 A robbing all round, all round, all round ; 
 With water, and still worse, I fear, 
 
 So he goes robbing all round. 
 In all we eat, or drink, or buy. 
 
 There's robbing all round, all round, all round, 
 And tradesmen with each other vie, 
 
 Who'll best do robbing all round. 
 Who'll first at me, then, throw a stone 
 
 For robbing around, around, around ? 
 My trade's as honest as their own. 
 
 Since all go robbing around. 
 
BURLESQUE OF SHAKESPEARE. 145 
 
 Mr. Burnand has written two burlesques on "Antony 
 and Cleopatra" — one brought out under that title at the 
 Haymarket in 1866 ; the other produced at the Gaiety 
 in 1873, under the name of "Our Own Antony and 
 Cleopatra." A third travestie of the tragedy, called 
 " Mdlle. Cleopatra," and written by Mr. W. Sapte, junior, 
 was seen at the Avenue in the present year. 
 
 W. L.-V. JO 
 
VII. 
 
 BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 
 
 WE now pass to a department of burlesque writing 
 larger in extent and greater in variety than any 
 other — that in which the finger of ridicule has been pointed 
 at poetic and melodramatic plays (other than those of 
 Shakespeare). This department is far-reaching in the matter 
 of time. It goes back, for subject, so far as Lee's high- 
 sounding '* Alexander the Great " (better known, perhaps, as 
 "The Rival Queens "), which, first produced in 1678, was 
 travestied by Dibdin, in " Alexander the Great in Little," a 
 ** grand tragi-comic operatic burlesque spectacle," originally 
 seen at the Strand in 1837, with Hammond as Alexander 
 and Mrs. Stirling as Roxana. Seven years later there was 
 performed at the Surrey a burlesque, by Montagu Corri, of 
 Lillo's famous tragedy "George Barnwell" (1730), here 
 called " Georgy Barnwell " — a title which H. J. Byron 
 altered to " George De Barnwell " when in 1862 he travestied 
 the old play at the Adelphi. 
 
 Home's "Douglas,^' which was given to the public in 
 1756, appears to have escaped stage satire until 1837, 
 when it was taken in hand by William Leman Rede. The 
 Adelphi was the scene of the production, and the performers 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 147 
 
 included " O." Smith as Glenalvon, J. Reeve as Nerval, 
 and Mrs. Stirling as Lady Randolph. The piece does not 
 supply very exhilarating reading. The ultra-familiar soli- 
 loquy, " My name is Norval," is here put into lyric form, 
 and comes out as follows : — 
 
 My name is Norval, sir ; upon the Grampian Hills 
 My father feeds his flocks, beside the streams and rills. 
 He often said to me, *' Don't roam about at nights." 
 But I had heard of sprees, of larks, and rows, and fights. 
 
 Tol de rol lol tol lol, tol de rol lol lol lay. 
 
 Tol de rol lol tol lol — list to what I say. 
 
 The moon rose up one night, as moons will often do, 
 And there came from left and right a ragged ruffian crew ; 
 They broke into our house, they swigged our beer and ale, 
 They stole our flocks and herds, and caught our pig by the tail. 
 Tol, lol, etc. 
 
 The shepherds fled, the curs ! but I was not to be chizzled, 
 So with a chosen few after the fellows w^e mizzled ; 
 We fought and larrupped 'em all ! indeed, it isn't a flam, 
 I stole the togs of the chief, and, blow me, here T am I 
 Tol lol, etc. 
 
 We have already seen that, in his " Quadrupeds of 
 Quedlinburgh," Colman junior extracted some fun out of 
 scenes in "The Stranger," "Pizarro," and " Timour the 
 Tartar." The first of these plays was made the subject of 
 more elaborate satire in 1868, when Mr. Robert Reece 
 wrote for the New Queen's Theatre his burlesque called 
 " The Stranger, Stranger than Ever ! " This, with Miss 
 Santley as Peter, Mr. Lionel Brough as the Stranger, and 
 Miss Henrietta Hodson as Mrs. Haller, had many points 
 of attraction. In this reductio ad absuraum ttie lady's chief 
 complaint is that her husband first neglected her and then 
 deserted her, taking away the children. Moreover, "he 
 
148 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 taught the infants all the comic songs," and so, " instead 
 of gloating over Peter Parley, the boy declared himself as 
 Champagne Charley." In despair the deserted one set to 
 work and took in washing : — 
 
 You'll ask, ** why washing ? " — give your fancy scope :* 
 
 In that profession while there's life there's soap ! 
 
 Was I to live ? — of course came this suggestion ! 
 
 " Tub be or not tub be ? " that was the question. 
 
 So with a will I turned me to my work, 
 
 Carried a blue bag like a lawyer's clerk ; 
 
 Yet still I grieved — the trade's of woe prolific, 
 
 I couldn't sleep, for all this soap-horrific ; 
 
 Hard was my lot, for I could plainly see 
 
 My source of living must end sud-dtnly ; 
 
 And in her downward course, say, what could stop her 
 
 Whose sole subsistence was a single copper ? 
 
 As usual with Mr. Reece, the puns are excellent. Tobias 
 says of the stranger that 
 
 Each evening you may see him sitting so. 
 Under that lindeit when the sun was low''. 
 On close inspection, too, you'll also see 
 His noble eye^ sir^ rolling rapidly » 
 
 Then the Stranger says to Peter : — 
 
 Mrs. Haller's gifts you showed. 
 As hint that / should help you Haller-mode. 
 
 To the Countess he remarks : — 
 
 Madam, this river-water's eau-de^riverous I 
 
 And of his children he says : — 
 
 They're fighting through their alphabet. Oh, lor ! 
 I quit them in their A-B-C-nian war ! 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA, 149 
 
 Of his wife : — 
 
 When first I married thee (then somewhat shady), 
 Oh, Adelaide ! I thought I had a lady ! 
 
 But, in truth, there is no end to tht^e jeux-de-mots. 
 
 "Pizarro," which nowadays has quite gone out of the 
 theatrical repertory, was dealt with from the comic point 
 of view by Leicester Buckingham, whose *^ Pizarro, or the 
 Leotard of Peru," was seen at the Strand in 1862, with 
 Johnny Clarke as the hero, and Miss Swanborough, Miss 
 Charlotte Saunders, Miss Bufton, Miss Fanny Josephs, Miss 
 Fanny Hughes, and Rogers, in other parts. Of the " litera- 
 ture " of this piece the following is a very fair example : it 
 is supposed to be spoken by Rolla : — 
 
 Tho' to use vulgar phrases I've no wish, 
 I may say, here's a pretty kettle of fish ! 
 But then the world s all fishy — poets fail 
 To prove that life is not a tearful wale ! 
 Though fancy's prospect oft m-witing gjows, 
 Experience tends to mull-it, goodness knows ; 
 Grave moralists aver that from our birth 
 We are all herring mortals here on earth. 
 Dancers stick to their eels, and live well by 'em ; 
 And most folk can appreciate " carpe diem." 
 Some statesmen — theirs is no uncommon case — 
 Will give their soiil in barter for a place. 
 And call, to mend a diplomatic mess. 
 The conger-eel's fond mate — a conger-ess. 
 Nay, folks strive even in a college cloister 
 Over a rival's head to get a hoister, 
 
 " The Wood-Demon," by " Monk " Lewis, played origin- 
 ally in 181 1, suggested to Albert Smith and Charles Kenny 
 a travestie, of the same name, which they brought out at 
 the Lyceum in 1847. ^'Timour the Tartar," another of 
 Lewis's dramas, received equally satiric treatment at the 
 
I50 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 hands of John Oxenford and Shirley Brooks, whose work 
 made its appearance at the Olympic in i860. In the 
 last-named year Messrs. Francis Talfourd and H. J. Byron 
 founded on Pocock's "Miller and his Men" (18 13) a 
 " mealy-drama," similarly entitled, which was played at the 
 Strand. 
 
 Jerrold's " Black-ey'd Susan," first performed in 1822, 
 waited till 1866 for the travestie by Mr. Burnand, to which 
 I have already adverted. This " Latest Edition of Black- 
 eyed Susan, or the Little Bill that was Taken Up,"* was 
 made specially gay by a wealth of song and dance; but 
 it had other merits. Here, for instance, is an amusing 
 soliloquy by Dame Hatley : — 
 
 It's very hard, and nothing can be harder 
 
 Than for three weeks to have an empty larder ; 
 
 I'm in the leaf of life that's. sere and yellar, 
 
 Requiring little luxuries in the cellar. 
 
 There are no cellars such as I requires, 
 
 But there soon will be when there are some buyers. 
 
 Destiny's finger to the '* work "-us points, 
 
 A stern voice whispers, " Time is out of joints." 
 
 I used to live by washing ; now, no doubt, 
 
 As I can't get it, I must live without. 
 
 The turncock turned the water off — dear me ! 
 
 I showed no quarter — and no more did he. 
 
 Thus, with the richer laundress I can't cope. 
 
 Being at present badly off for soap. 
 
 My son, the comfort of the aged widdy, 
 
 Is still a sailor, not yet made a middy, 
 
 But sailing far away ; it may be my son 
 
 Is setting somewhere out by the horizon. 
 
 He's cruising in the offing, far away, 
 
 Would he were here, I very offiiig say. 
 
 * See p. 41. 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 151 
 
 Here also is the Wolsey-ish speech made by Captain 
 Crosstree, after he has revealed himself as "alive and 
 kicking," at the close : — 
 
 Farewell, a long farewell to all imbibing ! 
 
 This is the state of man as I'm describing : 
 
 To-day he takes a glass because he's dry, 
 
 To-morrow, one to wet the other eye ; 
 
 The third day takes one extra, just to shed 
 
 A tear — he feels it gets into his head : 
 
 The fourth day takes two extra ones, and feels 
 
 'Stead of his head it's got into his heels ; 
 
 And in the morning, with perhaps two suits on, 
 
 He finds himself— in bed, but with two boots on ; 
 
 Then after that he's nowhere ; and that's how 
 
 He falls as I did— wbich I won't do now.* 
 
 Five years after the production of Jerrold's play, the 
 London stage was surfeited for a time with adaptations from 
 the French, all bearing upon the evils of the gaming-table. 
 These bore such titles as '' The Gambler's Fate," " Thirty 
 Years of a Gambler's Life," and so on, and were brought 
 out at Drury Lane, the Surrey (by Elliston), and the 
 Adelphi (by Terry and Yates). They did not last, 
 however; and "The Elbow-Shakers, or Thirty Years of a 
 Rattler's Life," in which Fox Cooper made fun of them, 
 was scarcely needed to effect their overthrow. Reeve and 
 Yates were the two Elbow-Shakers, but the piece bad little 
 intrinsic value. 
 
 In 1867, at the Haymarket, Mr. Gilbert Arthur a'Beckett 
 brought out a travestie of Planche's "Brigand" (1829), 
 
 * Another burlesque on the same subject, called ** Ups and Downs 
 of Deal, and Black-eyed Susan," was seen at the Marylebone in 1867, 
 with Miss Augusta Thomson as Captain Crosstree. 
 
152 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 under the title of "The Brigand, or New Lines to an 
 Old Ban-Ditty." In this, Massaroni, the hero, was repre- 
 sented by Compton as a poltroon, objecting very much 
 to the dictation of Marie Grazia as portrayed by lone 
 Burke. Young Mr. Kendal also had a part in this pro- 
 duction. Nor had we yet done with the old school of 
 melodrama. Yet another specimen thereof was destined 
 to come under the lash of the parodist — namely, the piece 
 called "My Poll and my Partner Joe,'' written by J. T. 
 Haines, first seen at the Surrey in 1838, and interpreted 
 by T. P. Cooke as Harry Halyard, R. Honner as Joe 
 Tiller, and Miss Honner as Poll (Mary Maybud). The 
 "happy thought" of burlesquing this typical piece came 
 to Mr. Burnand, who, in his travestie named after the 
 original, made, at the St. James's in 187 1, a success second 
 only to that of " Black-ey'd Susan." It was in this 
 burlesque that Mrs. John Wood (as Mary) had so notable 
 a triumph with her song, " His Heart was true to Poll," 
 which she still sings sometimes in public. Miss Emma 
 Chambers was the Harry in this piece, and Mr. Lionel 
 Brough the Black Brandon, with Harry Cox, Gaston 
 Murray, and Miss Sallie Turner in other parts. 
 
 Now comes the turn of the poetic drama, as represented 
 in and by the works of Lord Byron, Sergeant Talfourd, 
 the first Lord Lytton, and Mr. W. S. Gilbert. The first of 
 Lord Byron's plays to be burlesqued was " Manfred," which 
 fell to the lot of Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett in 1834. In tfee 
 " burlesque ballet opera," called " Man-Fred," which thus 
 issued from A'Beckett's pen, Man-Fred figured as a 
 master-sweep, very much perturbed and disturbed by the 
 Act in reference to chimney-sweeping which had just been 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 153 
 
 passed, and which, he plaintively declares, has killed the 
 
 trade : — 
 
 That horrible new act has marr'd his pleasure ; 
 It really was a very sweeping measure. 
 
 His lady-love, Ann Starkie, is equally unfortunate in her 
 business — that of apple-seller. As she remarks : — 
 
 ** The trade is at a stand," the people whine : 
 If it be at a standi 'tis not at mine. 
 In vain down Fleet Street with my wares I go ; 
 Though Fleet they call the street, its trade is slow. 
 
 In the course of the piece Ann appears disguised as 
 Mme. Grisi, and some badinage is directed at the " stars " 
 of the Italian Opera. 
 
 A'Beckett further undertook, along with Mark Lemon, a 
 skit upon another of the Byronic dramas — " Sardanapalus " 
 — which they reproduced as " Sardanapalus, or the ' Fast ' 
 King of Assyria." The Adelphi was the theatre of 
 operations; 1853 was the year; and while Miss Woolgar 
 was Sardanapalus, Paul Bedford was Arbaces, Keeley was 
 Salymenia (mother of the Queen), Miss Maskell was 
 Beleses, and Miss Mary Keeley was Altada. Arbaces is 
 here shown as impervious to the charm of melody : — 
 
 Such music to my ears is a mere hum ; 
 Of minims let me have the minimum. 
 
 Salymenia says to the King's favourite : — 
 
 Your conduct, madam, 's not at all correct : 
 If you're a Myrrha, why don't you reflect ? 
 
 Of such are the quips and the quiddities with which the 
 piece abounds. 
 
 In 1858 came, from the workshop of H. J. Byron, the 
 
154 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 first travestie of his " noble kinsman's " play, " Ma«eppa." 
 This, produced at the Olympic, had Robson for its hero, 
 with other parts in the hands of Horace Wigan, Mr. Lewis 
 Ball, Miss Wyndham, Miss Bromley, and Mrs. W. S. Emden. 
 Of its punning dialogue, which throughout is in the genuine 
 H. J. Byronic manner, the following is a fair example. 
 Olinska is conversing with her father, the Castellan : — 
 
 OH. You hate romance, — are one of its deriders. 
 ( Very romantically) Give me a summer-house with lots of spiders. 
 A poet-husband too, with rolling eyes, 
 In a fine phrenzy 
 
 Cas. Poets I despise ! 
 
 And in his phrenzy that you mention, daughter, 
 His frieftds see often nought but gin and water. 
 
 OH. In our sweet bower of bliss what could we fear ? 
 
 Cas. Why, Quarter Day, which comes four times a year ! 
 And although landlords show each quarter day, 
 They show no quarter when you do not pay, 
 Your poet-spouse grows thin, and daily racks his 
 Poor brains to pay the butcher or the taxes. 
 
 OH. A verse would pay the tax-man all we owed. 
 
 Cas {aside). I think he'd be averse^ though, to that mode. 
 To see with my eyes, if I could but make her 1 
 
 OH. With a ^o,"^ flowery lines we'd pay the baker. 
 ( With enthusiasm^ Tradesmen with gentle feelings we'd pay so, sir ; 
 A comic song would satisfy the grosser, 
 A poet never yet was a great eater, 
 We'd pay the butcher with a little meat-a. 
 
 The subject of " Mazeppa " was afterwards treated by Mr. 
 Burnand in a burlesque brought out at the Gaiety in 1885. ■ 
 Of Sergeant Talfourd's dramatic works the only one, 
 apparently, that has been travestied is " Ion," which had to 
 submit to the ridicule of Fox Cooper in 1836. In that year 
 Cooper's perversion was played both at the Garrick Theatre 
 and at the Queen's, in the first case with Conquest as the 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA, 155 
 
 hero, in the latter with a lady in the role — an arrangement 
 quite defensible, inasmuch as, in the original play, the 
 name-part had been played (at the Haymarket) by Ellen 
 Tree. 
 
 The pseudo-Elizabethanisms of Sheridan Knowles 
 naturally attracted the attention of the comic playwrights. 
 The opportunities were, indeed, only too tempting ; and so 
 I have to record the production of burlesques based upon 
 five plays— ^- The Wife," " Virginius," "Alfred the Great," 
 "William Tell," and "The Hunchback." The first named 
 has for its full title " The Wife : a Tale of Mantua." The 
 "burlesque burletta," by Joseph Graves (Strand, 1837), 
 is called " The Wife : a Tale of a Mantua Maker.' 
 Mariana (first played by Ellen Tree) here becomes Mary 
 Ann Phipps, the said mantua-maker ; Floribel is Flora, a 
 servant-of-all-work. Leonardo and Ferrardo Gonzaga figure 
 as Marmaduke Jago, landlord of the Green Man, and 
 Zachariah Jago, usurping that dignity ; Count Florio is 
 Floor'em (a police-sergeant), Julian St. Pierre is Jack 
 Peters — and so forth. The travestie is fairly close, but the 
 wit and humour are not of brilliant quality. Even less to 
 be commended is "Virginius the Rum 'Un," perpetrated 
 by William Rogers, the comedian, and performed at Sadler's 
 Wells in the same year as Graves's effort. This is but a 
 tedious assault upon " Virginius." The scene is laid in 
 Islington, and Virginius is a butcher. Appius Claudius, 
 here called Sappyis, is a sergeant of police. Dentatus is 
 " Tentaties " ; Icilius is " Isilyus." Claudius claims Virginia 
 as his apprentice, and Virginius stabs her with a skewer; 
 the instrument, however, sticks only in her stay -bone, and 
 so no harm is done. 
 
156 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 " Virginius " had very much more justice done to it when 
 Leicester Buckingham made it the basis of a burlesque at 
 the St. James's in 1859. Then Charles Young was the 
 Virginius, Mrs. Frank Matthews the Virginia, and Miss Lydia 
 Thompson a " Mysterious Stranger," introduced, apparently, 
 only for the sake of a pas seul. In this piece the puns are 
 very plentiful, if not always good. Thus, Virginia says : — 
 
 Oh, deary me ! each day I'm growing thinner : 
 Nurse says, because I never eat my dinner ; 
 But that's not it ; — in my heart there's a pain 
 Which makes me sigh, and sigh, and all in vain ! 
 I've lost the plump round waist I used to prize, 
 And grow thin, spite of my long-zuasled sighs. 
 I love — oh ! such a nice young man ! — but, oh ! 
 Does he love me ? — that's what I want to know. 
 When we met at a party, I could see 
 That he was just the party to suit me ; 
 And to the words I spoke, on his arm leaning, 
 Love lent a sigh to give a si-lent meaning. 
 But he said nothing soft — that's what I cry for ; 
 I sigh for one whose heart I can't ^Qci-pher. 
 
 Virginius, like so many other burlesque characters, 
 delivers himself of a reminiscence of " To be or not to 
 be," and at the close it is found that Virginius has not 
 really killed his daughter, because she "pads." 
 
 "Alfred the Great," one of Knowles' historical plays, 
 suggested portions of the burlesque called "Alfred the 
 Great, or the Minstrel King," which Robert B. Brough 
 wrote for the Olympic in 1859. In this, Robson was the 
 King, Miss Herbert his aide-de-camp, and F. Vining his 
 commander-in-chief, with other parts by Horace Wigan 
 and Miss Hughes. Knowles's "William Tell " (1825), or 
 the story embodied in it has been the basis of half 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 157 
 
 a dozen travesties. First came Mr. Burnand's "William 
 Tell," at Drury Lane, in 1856 ; next, Leicester Buckingham's, 
 at the Strand, in 1857; next, Talfourd's "Tell! and the 
 Strike of the Cantons, or the Pair, the Meddler, and the 
 Apple!" at the Strand, in 1859-60; next, again, Byron's 
 " William Tell with a Vengeance ! or the Pet, the Parrot, 
 and the Pippin," at the Strand, in 1867 ; a few days ater, 
 A. J. O'Neill's "William Tell/' at Sadler's Wells; and, 
 lasdy — so far— Mr. Recce's " William Tell told Over Again," 
 at the Gaiety, in 1876. "The Hunchback" has been 
 "guyed" less often than might have been expected, con- 
 sidering its popularity. Mr. Burnand brought out at the 
 Olympic, in 1879, "The Hunchback Back Again," and 
 this comic version of the hackneyed old play is not likely 
 to be superseded. 
 
 The first Lord Lytton's verse-plays — bristling as they do 
 with fustian and bombast — have naturally been frequently 
 travestied. Note the number of occasions on which ** The 
 Lady of Lyons " has fallen a prey to the irreverent. Altogether 
 there have been six notable burlesques of this drama. H. J. 
 Byron wrote two, the first of which — "The Latest Edition 
 .of the Lady of Lyons" — was produced at the Strand in 
 1858. This, in the following year, was freshened up and 
 re-presented to the public as " The Very Latest Edition " of 
 the popular drama. 
 
 In 1878, at the Gaiety, came Mr. Herman Merivale's 
 " vaudeville," " The Lady of Lyons Married and Settled," 
 which is not only quite the best of the travesties on this topic, 
 but one of the cleverest ever written. It sparkles with good 
 things from beginning to end. Claude, it seems, has " taken 
 to philosophy, and says we are all descended from monkeys." 
 
158 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 It is not surprising, therefore, to find him singing a long 
 song in praise of the Darwinian theory : — 
 
 Power to thine elbow, thou newest of sciences, 
 
 All the old landmarks are ripe for decay ; 
 Wars are but shadows, and so are alliances, 
 
 Darwin the Great is the man of the day. 
 
 All other 'ologies want an apology ; 
 
 Bread's a mistake — Science offers a stone ; 
 Nothing is true but Anthropobiology — 
 
 Darwin the Great understands it alone. 
 
 Mighty the great evolutionist teacher is, 
 
 Licking Morphology clean into shape ; 
 Lord ! what an ape the professor or preacher is. 
 
 Ever to doubt his descent from an ape. 
 
 Man's an Anthropoid — he cannot help that, you know — 
 
 First evoluted from Pongos of old ; 
 He's but a branch of the cat-arrhine cat, you know — 
 
 Monkey, I mean — that's an ape with a cold. 
 
 Fast dying out are man's later Appearances, 
 
 Cataclysmitic Geologies gone ; 
 Now of Creation completed the clearance is, 
 
 Darwin alone you must anchor upon. 
 
 Primitive Life-Organisms were chemical, 
 
 " Busting " spontaneous under the sea ; 
 Purely subaqeous, panaquademical. 
 
 Was the original Crystal of Me. 
 
 I'm the Apostle of mighty Darwinity, 
 
 Stands for Divinity — sound much the same — 
 
 Apo-theistico-Pan-Asininity 
 
 Only can doubt whence the lot of us came. 
 
 Down on your knees. Superstition and Flunkeydom I 
 Won't you accept such plain doctrines instead ? 
 
 What is so simple as primitive Monkeydom, 
 Born in the sea with a cold in its head ? 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 159 
 
 This has some claim to rank with the ditties on the same 
 subject by Lord Neaves and Mortimer ColHns. But Claude 
 has also gone in for something less innocent than Darwinian- 
 ism. He is flirting with Babette, a pretty laundry-maid, the 
 beloved of Caspar. Of her, Caspar sings as follows, in 
 a clever parody of " Sally in our Alley " : — 
 
 To catch a lover on the hip, 
 
 There's none like fair Babet-te ! 
 You'd love to kiss her rosy lip, 
 
 But, ah ! she'll never let 'ee ! 
 Yet shall she wash my Sunday suit, 
 
 Tho' she my suit refuses, 
 For, oh ! she washes far the best 
 
 Of all the blanchissooses ! 
 
 For washing-day all round the year, 
 
 She ever sticks to one day ; 
 She takes my linen Friday night. 
 
 And brings it back o' Monday ! 
 When I bestow the lordly franc, 
 
 *Tis sweet to hear her ** Thankee " — 
 She mends my hooks and darns my eyes, 
 
 And marks my pocky-hanky I 
 
 She calls the wandering button home, 
 
 However hard I cuss it ; 
 She's good at collar and at cuff. 
 
 And truly great at gusset ! 
 To catch a lover on the hip, 
 
 There's none like fair Babet-te I 
 You'd love to kiss her rosy lip, 
 
 But, ah 1 she'll never let 'ee ! 
 
 In the course of the piece there is a good deal of direct 
 parody of Lytton's style, both in prose and verse. For 
 example, Claude says at one point to Babette : — 
 
 Come with me to my mother's lonely cot 1 I have preserved it ever 
 in memory of mine early youth ; and, believe me, that the prize of 
 
i6o A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 virtue never, beneath my father's honest roof, even villains dared to 
 mar ! Now, maiden, now, I think thou wilt believe me ! Wilt come ? 
 Babette. I wilt ! 
 
 Again : — 
 
 In the sweet suburb of Richemont or Tedainton, on the banks of the 
 biFoad Garonne, one of those expensive spots where, during the summer 
 months, the river is at the bottom of the lawn — during the winter, the 
 lawn at the bottom of the river — but where it is damp-pleasant all 
 the year round ; there will we babble to the murmuring stream, and 
 the babbling stream shall murmur back to us, and softly whisper 
 
 Dowager Morier {coming down). Hold on ! * 
 
 After Mr. Merivale's piece came one on the same 
 subject by Mr. W. Younge (1879); another by Mr. Clifton 
 (Lyne), played in the country in 1882 ; and yet another, 
 by Mr. Reece (also played in the country) in 1884. This 
 last was entitled " The Lady of Lyons Married and Claude 
 Unsettled." 
 
 Ten years after the first burlesque of "The Lady of 
 Lyons " appeared the first burlesque of Lord Lytton's 
 "Rightful Heir." This was "The Frightful Hair" of 
 Mr. Burnand, seen at the Haymarket in 1868-9. In 1868 
 also, publicity was given to " The Right-Fall Heir " of 
 Mr. H. T. Arden. 
 
 In the autumn of 1873 Mr. Irving revived at the 
 Lyceum Lord Lytton's "RicheHeu," and the play was 
 speedily followed at the Olympic by the " Richelieu Re- 
 dressed ^' of Mr. Reece. This is remarkable, to begin with, 
 as being written throughout in blank verse — an agreeable 
 
 * Mr. Merivale was fortunate in the cast of his production (played 
 at the Gaiety in 1878). Mr. Edward Terry was the Claude, Miss 
 Farren the Pauline, Mr. Royce the *' Beauseong," Mrs. Leigh the 
 Dowager Morier, and Miss Amalia the Babette, other parts being taken 
 by Messrs. Elton, Maclean, Squire, and Fawcett. 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA, i6i 
 
 departure from the time-honoured couplet. The general 
 travestie is close, and there is a certain amount of direct 
 parody, as where Richelieu is made to say that 
 
 In the great Lexicon of Politics 
 There's no such word as Truth ! 
 
 In the " curse of Rome " scene, Richelieu draws around 
 himself " the awful circle of the Daily Press ! " Fun, 
 too, is made of the well-known exit of Baradas at the 
 words "All in despite of my lord Cardinal," and also of 
 the various ways in which actors are wont to pronounce 
 the simple word "Julie.'' The piece has a strong political 
 flavour throughout, in compliment, no doubt, to the general 
 election, which was then in prospect. Richelieu thus 
 soliloquises : — 
 
 A general election ! At the word 
 
 Upspring a thousand hopes — ten thousand fears ! 
 
 From the great Limbo of past sessions rise 
 
 The ghost of certain Legislative Acts 
 
 To taunt me with my shifting policy : 
 
 Amidst them, gaunt and frowning — Income-tax 
 
 Broods o'er my heart — I cannot take it off ! 
 
 While lesser demons, labelled — Sugar, Tea, 
 
 Malt, Hops, and kindred duties — hover round 
 
 And gibber, ** Where's your popularity ? " 
 
 For this reward I have to bear the brunt 
 
 Of deputations — tedious committees. 
 
 The dull assaults of country members, and 
 
 Whitebait as large as herrings. Ah, the fish 
 
 At ministerial banquets should be Plaice 1 
 
 Of Richelieu's genius for suspicion the Duke of Orleans 
 and his party thus discourse :— 
 
 Duke. Breathe not the words " 'Tis wet»" He'll twist that phrase 
 Into reflections on th' existing reign, 
 W.L^V. „ 
 
i62 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Or with some public measure discontent 
 Because you chanced to say, " It isvit fair ! " 
 
 Baradas. There's truth, sir, in your jest ; 'tis hard to say 
 What is a safe discussion nowadays ! 
 
 La Foix. Even the King falls under his distrust ! 
 
 Malesherbes. He treats him like a child in leading-strings ! 
 
 Duke. Ay ! at the royal breakfast Richelieu stands, 
 And cracks each egg — to see no treason's hatched. 
 
 All {laughing). Well said ! 
 
 Duke, His caution o'er the dinner broods, 
 
 And in each pdti sees a dangerous spy. 
 
 Baradas. Escorts the King to bed, and, lest his charge 
 Should dream of marriage^ secretly removes 
 The Royal matches, as suggestive ! 
 
 Tit was characteristic of Mr. W. S. Gilbert that he should 
 himself set the example of burlesquing his own work. I 
 have already made reference to "The Happy Land," the 
 travestie of his " Wicked World," which he and Mr. Gilbert 
 Arthur a'Beckett prepared for the Court Theatre in 1873. 
 It was in this piece that the personal appearance of three 
 prominent living statesmen was closely imitated by certain 
 of the performers, with the result of bringing down upon 
 the culprits the veto of His High-and-Mightiness the Lord 
 Chamberlain. In 1876 two of Mr. Gilbert's plays were 
 burlesqued — " Broken Hearts " and " Dan'l Druce " ; the 
 former under the name of " Cracked Heads," the latter 
 under that of " Dan'l Tra-Duced " ; both being brought out 
 at the same theatre — the Strand, and both being the work 
 of the same author— Mr. Arthur Clements, who, however, 
 had in *' Cracked Heads " the assistance of Mr. Frederick 
 Hay. " Dan'l Druce " was not a particularly good subject ; 
 but " Broken Heads," with its occasionally overstrained 
 sentiment, was fairly open to polite ridicule. In the original, 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 163 
 
 the Lady Vavir feigns love for a sun-dial, while the 
 Lady Hilda expends much sentiment upon a streamlet. In 
 " Cracked Heads " the Lady Vapid bestows her affections 
 upon a clock, and the Lady Tilda hers upon a pump. 
 Says the latter to the former : — 
 
 Why do you love the clock, good sister ? tell. 
 
 Vapid. The earth goes round ; the moon, with silvery smile ; 
 The p'lice cerulean who the cooks beguile ; 
 The turncock, too, precursor of the spring ; 
 The German band, and all that sort of thing. 
 Most things go round, in fact ; and who shall mock ? 
 The clock goes round : that's why I love the clock. 
 
 In this genial little piece, presented at the Strand 
 in 1876, Mr. Edward Terry was the monster, here called 
 Monsta; Miss Lottie Venne and Miss Angelina Claude 
 were the ladies Tilda and Vapid, and Mr. Harry Cox was 
 the Prince Florian, here called Dorian. It will be remem- 
 bered, by the way, that it has been the fate of one of 
 Mr. Gilbert's comic operas to be parodied — surely a case of 
 gilding refined gold ! The opera was " Ruddigore," which 
 was chaffed, more or less effectively, in the little piece 
 (Toccasion called "Ruddy George, or Robin Redbreast,'* 
 brought out at Toole's Theatre in 1887. 
 
 The melodrama of the last half-century has received due 
 attention at the hands of the stage satirists. Buckstone's 
 " Green Bushes," for example, had its comic counterpart 
 in H. J. Byron's " Grin Bushes," performed at the Strand 
 in 1864. It was Byron, too, who burlesqued Boucicault's 
 " Colleen Bawn," under the title of " Little Eily O'Connor " 
 (Drury Lane, 1861). The story of Rip Van Winkle, made 
 so popular in England by Mr. Jefferson, has been handled 
 in the spirit of travestie both by Mr. Reece (at the Folly in 
 
i64 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 1876) and by Mr. H. Savile Clarke (in 1880). " The Lights 
 o' London " suggested " The De-Hghts of London " (1882), 
 which we owed to the co-operation of Messrs. Mackay, 
 Lennard, and Gordon. After "The Silver King" came 
 " Silver Guilt," a clever piece by Mr. Warham St. Leger, in 
 which, at the Strand in 1883, Miss Laura Linden imitated 
 Miss Eastlake to admiration. In like manner, after 
 " Claudian " came the diverting " Paw Claw-dian " of Mr. 
 Burnand, which, at Toole's in 1884, gave Miss Marie 
 Linden the opportunity of emulating (as Almi-i-da) her 
 sister's success. In this piece Mr. Toole, as Claudian, 
 and E. D. Ward, as Coal-Holey Clement, were particularly 
 amusing. " Chatterton," another of Mr. Wilson Barrett's 
 triumphs, has lately reappeared, disguised as " Shatter^ 
 Un " — the author in this instance being Mr. A. Chevalier. 
 " In the Ranks " naturally led to the production of " Out 
 of the Ranks " (by Mr. Reece, Strand, 1884) ; and " Called 
 Back " was found especially provocative of ridicule, no fewer 
 than three travesties being written — Mr. Herman Merivale's 
 "Called There and Back" (Gaiety, 1884), Mr. Yardley's 
 "The Scalded Back" (Novelty, 1884), and Mr. Chevalier's 
 " Called Back again" (Plymouth, 1885). 
 
 In 1888 Mrs. Bernard Beere was playing at the Opera 
 Comique in " Ariane," a rather full-blooded drama by 
 Mrs. Campbell Praed. This was at once burlesqued at the 
 Strand by Mr. Burnand, whose " Airey Annie " (as rendered 
 by Mr. Edouin, Miss Atherton, and Miss Ayrtoun) proved 
 to be a very mirth-provoking product. The heroine, Airey 
 Annie thus accounted for her sobriquet : — 
 
 Untaught, untidy, hair all out of curl, 
 A gutter child, a true Bohemian ghl, 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA, 165 
 
 Like Nan, in *' Good for Nothing," so I played, 
 And up and down the airey steps I strayed, 
 Until the little boys about began 
 To call me by the name of " Airey Anne." 
 
 Among miscellaneous satires upon the conventional stage 
 products may be named Byron's "Rosebud of Stinging- 
 Nettle Farm'' (Crystal Palace, 1862), Mr. Reece's "Brown 
 and the Brahmins" (Globe, 1869), and Mr. Matthison's 
 "More than Ever" (Gaiety and Court, 1882)— the last- 
 named being written in ridicule of the modern Surrey-side 
 " blood-curdler." 
 
 So much for the travestie of English melodrama. When 
 we come to deal with the burlesque of melodrama derived 
 from the French, a large field opens out before us. Going 
 back to 1850, we find that Hugo's "Notre Dame," as 
 dramatised in England, has suggested to Albert Smith 
 a comic piece called " Esmeralda," brought out at the 
 Adelphi. The subject is next taken up by H. J. Byron, whose 
 " Esmeralda or the * Sensation' Goat " belongs to the Strand 
 and 1 86 1. Then Fanny Josephs was the Esmeralda, Marie 
 Wilton the Gringoire, Eleanor Bufton the Phoebus, Clarke 
 the Quasimodo, and Rogers the Claude Frollo. Gringoire 
 was made to introduce himself in this punning fashion : — 
 
 I am a comic, tragic, epic poet. 
 
 I'll knock you off a satire or ode Venice on, 
 
 Aye, or write any song like Alfred Tenny-so7tg. 
 
 Something from my last new extravaganza — 
 
 Come now (Jo Clopin)^ a trifling stanza shall I stand, sir? 
 
 Let me in some way merit your esteem : 
 
 Ode to a creditor — a first-rate theme. 
 
 Clop. Thankee, I'd rather not ; the fact is, you're 
 
 Gring. But a poor author — that is, rauther poor. 
 
 The baker, a most villainous character, 
 
 Has stopped supplies. ... 
 
1 66 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 The milk purveyor to my chalk cried *' Whoa," 
 Because I did a trifling milk-bill owe. 
 My tailor, who for years this youth hath made for, 
 Closed his account, account o^ clothes not paid for. 
 The gasman, looking on me as a cheater, 
 Finished my rhyme by cutting off my metre, 
 
 Esmeralda, who is a dancer, expresses her " delight in all 
 things saltatory " : — 
 
 Some people like dear wine, give me cheap hops. 
 
 Where fountains spout and where the weasel pops ; 
 
 My love for trifling trips I can't conceal : 
 
 E'en when I read I always skip a deal ; 
 
 I prefer columbine before all plants, 
 
 And, at the play, give me a piece by Dance. 
 
 Phoebus, declaring his love for Esmeralda, makes use of 
 a pun somewhat above the Byronic average : — 
 
 Alonzo Cora loved with all his might. 
 And Petrarch was forlorn for Laura quite : 
 You're worth to me, dear maid, a score o' Coras ; 
 Yes, to this bachelor, a batch o^ Lauras. 
 
 In 1879, ^t th^ Gaiety, Byron returned to the topic, and 
 produced the piece which he called " Pretty Esmeralda." 
 At the same theatre, in 1887, one saw the same subject 
 treated in the " Miss Esmeralda " of Messrs. F. Leslie 
 and H. Mills — a piece in which Miss Marion Hood, as the 
 heroine, played prettily to the Frollo of Mr. E. J. Lonnen, 
 and in which the late George Stone laid the foundation of 
 his too brief success. 
 
 Boucicault's version of " Les Freres Corses " was produced 
 in London by Charles Kean in 1852, and was quickly 
 followed by a travestie. This was furnished by Gilbert 
 Abbott a'Becket and Mark Lemon at the Haymarket (April, 
 1852), under the title of ** O Gemini! or the Brothers of 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 167 
 
 Co(u)rse." Those who did not witness the production can 
 nevertheless conceive how droll Buckstone must have 
 been as the Brothers, and how well he was supported by 
 Bland, also in a dual role — that of Meynard and Montgiron 
 (or Montegridiron, as he was called) — and by Mrs. L. S. 
 Buckingham as Chateau Renaud. The burlesque was not 
 wholly of the punning sort; it relied chiefly upon its 
 travestie of the incidents in the original play. Fabien was 
 made to give (to the sound of " low music ") the following 
 account of the extraordinary sympathy existing between 
 himself and his brother : — 
 
 Listen ! this hour, five hundred years ago — 
 
 It may be more or less a second or so — 
 
 In the Dei Franchi family there died, 
 
 I think it was upon the female side, 
 
 The very greatest of our great -great -grandmothers, 
 
 Leaving ('tis often thus) two orphan brothers. 
 
 They took an oath, and signed it, as I think. 
 
 In blood — a horrid substitute for ink. 
 
 They swore if either was in any mess. 
 
 If either's landlord put in a distress,. 
 
 Or of their goods came to effect a clearance, 
 
 They'd to each other enter an appearance. 
 
 Maynard. But you have never seen a ghost — 
 Fabien. That's true ; 
 
 But I shall see one soon, by all that's blue : 
 
 For 't is a fact not easily explained. 
 
 The ghost has in the family remained, 
 
 We've tried all means — still he has stalked about, 
 
 And nobody could ever pay him out. 
 
 We let apartments, sir ; but deuce a bit 
 
 Will the ghost take our notices to quit. 
 
 Later, just before Louis' apparition, Fabien says : — 
 
 I feel a pain about ray ears and nose, 
 As if the latter had repeated blows. 
 
i68 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 I'm sure my brother's in a fearful row — 
 
 I shouldn't wonder if they're at it now. 
 
 I'll write to him. ( Writes) " Dear brother, how's your eye ? 
 
 Yours ever, Fabien. Send me a reply." 
 
 I'm sure he's subjected to fierce attacks, 
 
 For as I seal my note I feel the whacks \ 
 
 H. J. Byron, who travestied nearly everything, of course 
 did not let the '*Corsican Brothers" escape him, and his 
 " Corsican * Bothers' " duly figured at the Globe in 1869. 
 Messrs. Burnand and H. P. Stephens followed, at the Gaiety 
 in 1880, with "The Corsican Brothers & Co.," and in 1881 
 (at the Royalty) Mr. G. R. Sims made his debut as a writer 
 of burlesque with " The Of Course-Akin-Brothers, Babes 
 in the Wood." In this he began the action with Fabien 
 and Louis as the Babes and Chateau Renaud as the Wicked 
 Uncle, introducing a certain Rosie Posie, who is maid to 
 Mme. dei Franchi and sweetheart of Alfred Meynard. At 
 the end of the first scene Father Time came on, and 
 summed up the situation in a song : — 
 
 Kind friends in front, you here behold a figure allegorical : 
 Excuse me if at times I pause and for my paregoric call. 
 I want to tell you all about this story Anglo-Corsican, 
 And do the best in spite of cough and voice that's rather hoarse I can. 
 Old Father Time I am, you guess ; *t is I who rule the universe, 
 And cause the changes which I sing in this the poet's punny verse ! 
 So while the scene is changing, here I sing this song preparative, 
 To help you, as a chorus should, to understand the narrative. 
 
 Ha, ha, ha ! Ho, ho, ho ! 
 
 As chorus to this tragedy, to act my painful doom it is. 
 
 In spite of cough, sciatica, lumbago, and the rheumatiz. ^ 
 
 The little boys who in the wood the robins saved from perishing 
 Are two young men for one young girl a hopeless passion cherishing. 
 In Corsica with his mamma young Fabien dei Franchi is ; 
 The other one in Paris lives, and growing rather cranky is. 
 

BURLESQUE OF MODERI^ DRAMA. 169 
 
 Sweet Rosie Posie followed them. The ma of these phenomena 
 As lady-help accepted her for foiling the abomina- 
 Ble plans the wicked uncle laid the brothers to assassinate, 
 And Rosie still in Corsica contrives all hearts to fascinate. 
 
 To Paris went the uncle, too, to let coiffeurs their talent try, 
 
 And now he is an aged buck and famous for his gallantry. 
 
 He's bought a wig, and paints his face — three times a day he'll 
 
 carmine it, 
 He asks young wives to opera balls, and swears there's little harm 
 
 in it. 
 
 In the second act Meynard brings a friend with him to 
 Corsica, and thus presents him to Mme. dei Franchi : — 
 
 A friend of mine who's come this trip with me, 
 The customs of the country for to see. 
 The customs, when he landed, landed him — 
 He's cust 'em rather, I can tell you, mim ! 
 
 Friend. 'Tain't pleasant when a chap on pleasure's bent 
 To find the call of duty cent, per cent. 
 
 Mad. You're welcome, sir, although our customs seize you : 
 A triple welcome, and I hope the trip 'II please you. 
 
 Previous to the first entry of Louis' ghost, Fabien says : — 
 
 I feel so strange, I know poor Loo is seedy ; . ~ 
 
 I dreamt I saw his ghost all pale and bleedy. 
 
 I'll write him. Where's the ink ? Lor, how I shudder ! 
 
 {Looks about for ink) I'm on the ink-quest now — poor absent brudder. 
 
 The ink !— the quill ! Ah ! this, I think, will do. 
 
 (-5'//^ a7td writes) " Louis, old cock, how wags the world with you?" 
 
 {Music — he shudders) I feel as if a ghost were at my elbow handy. 
 
 This goes to prove I want a drop of brandy. 
 
 Of the other puns in the piece the following are perhaps 
 fair specimens. At the bal masque^ Louis, meeting Emilie 
 de Lesparre, says : — 
 
 Why are you here ? 
 Emilie. I came because I'm asked {puts on mask). 
 
I70 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Louis, This is no place for you to cut a shine ; 
 'Tain't womanly, 
 Emilie. I know it's masky-line. 
 
 Again : — 
 
 Louis. My dagger awaits you — for your blood I faint ! 
 Renaud. Your dagger awaits — youV aggerawate a saint. 
 
 In the final tableau, Chateau Renaud is advised to take 
 some brandy ; but he asks instead for " a go of gin — I want 
 the gin-go spirit." 
 
 The latest of the burlesques on this subject was supplied — 
 also for the Royalty — by Mr. Cecil Raleigh, whose " New 
 Corsican Brothers,'' played in 1889, had more than one 
 whimsical feature to recommend it. One of the brothers 
 (Mr. Arthur Roberts) was supposed to be an English linen- 
 draper, who, whenever anything was happening to the other 
 brother, had a wild desire to measure out tape — and so on. 
 The dialogue was in prose. 
 
 "Belphegor," the generic name bestowed upon the 
 
 numerous adaptations of " Paillasse," gave birth to at least 
 
 one travestie of importance — that by Leicester Buckingham, 
 
 which saw the light at the Strand in 1856, the year in 
 
 which Charles Dillon played in one of the adaptations (at the 
 
 Lyceum). " The Duke's Motto," in which Fechter ** starred " 
 
 at the same theatre, was the origin of H. J. Byron's " The 
 
 Motto : I am ' All There ' " — a piece seen at the Strand in 
 
 1863, with Miss Maria Simpson as the Duke Gonzaque, 
 
 George Honey as Lagardere, and Ada Swanborough and 
 
 Fanny Josephs as Blanche and Pepita. Among much 
 
 which is mere punning, though cleter enough for that 
 
 commodity, I find this little bit of social satire : — 
 
 Receipt to make a party : — First of all, 
 
 Procure some rooms, and mind to have 'em small ; 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 171 
 
 Select a good warm night, so draughts may chill 'em ; 
 Ask twice as many as it takes to fill 'em ; 
 For though the half you ask may not attend, 
 The half that comes is sure to bring a friend ; 
 Select a strong pianist, and a gent 
 Who through the cornet gives his feelings vent ; 
 Give them some biscuits, and some nice Marsala ; 
 Make a refreshment-room of the front parlour ; 
 Garnish with waltzes, flirtings, polking, ballads, 
 Tongue, fowl, and sandwiches, limp lobster salads, 
 Smiles, shaking hands, smirks, simpers, and what not ; 
 Throw in the greengrocer, and serve up hot. 
 
 It is to H. J. Byron that we owe the burlesque of 
 " Robert Macaire," which, with Fanny Josephs and J. Clarke 
 as Macaire and Strop, brightened the boards of the Globe 
 Theatre in 1870. The drama of which Ruy Bias is the 
 central figure has been twice travestied among us — once 
 in 1873 by Mr. Reece ("Ruy Bias Righted," at the 
 Vaudeville), and more recently (in 1889) by Messrs. F. 
 Leslie and H. Clark ("Ruy Bias, or the Blas^ Roue," 
 at the Gaiety). " Diplomacy," adapted from " Dora," 
 appealed to Mr. Burnand's sense of the ridiculous, and 
 the result was "Dora and Diplunacy'' (Strand, 1878), 
 in which the weak spots of the original were divertingly 
 laid bare. In the same year, Mr. Burnand burlesqued, at 
 the Royalty, his own adaptation, .*' Proof, or a Celebrated 
 Case," under the title of " Over-Proof, or What was Found 
 in a Celebrated Case." To 1879 belong two clever traves- 
 ties — " Another Drink," by Messrs. Savile Clarke and Clifton 
 (Lyne), suggested by ** Drink," and brought out at the 
 Folly ; and '* Under-Proof," Mr. Edward Rose's reductio ad 
 absurdum of " Proof." In the latter piece, besides many 
 wdl-constructed puns, there are many pleasant turns of 
 
172 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 humour, as when Pierre satirises the conventional stage 
 pronunciation of his name : — 
 
 In my native land, as you're aware, 
 
 My Christian name's pronounced like this — Pi-erre, 
 
 But here I'm made a nobleman of France, 
 
 For everybody calls me Peer Lorance. 
 
 Of the Anglo-French melodrama of recent years, Mr. 
 Burnand has been the frequent and successful satirist. 
 He capped "Fedora " with "Stage-Dora" (Toole's, 1883), 
 "Theodora'' with "The O'Dora" (same theatre, 1885), and 
 "La Tosca " with " Tra la la Tosca " (Royalty, 1890). This 
 last contained some of the happiest of its author's efforts, in 
 the way both of ingenious punning and effective rhyming. 
 Here, for example, is a song put mto the mouth of the 
 Baron Scarpia, the " villain " both of the play and of the 
 travestie : — • 
 
 I am the bad Baron Scarpia ! 
 
 You know it at once, and how sharp y'are. 
 
 Than a harpy I am much harpier — 
 
 How harpy I must be ! 
 There never was blackguard or scamp 
 To me could hold candle or lamp. 
 I'm equal to twenty-five cargoes 
 Of Richards, Macbeths, and lagos ! 
 For nobody ever so far goes 
 
 As Scarpia — meaning me. 
 
 I'm chief of the Italiani 
 
 Peelerini Me-tropoli-tani ! 
 
 Around me they wheedle and carney — 
 
 They'd all curry favour, you see. 
 And, buzzing about me like flies, 
 Are myrmidons, creatures, and spies. 
 
BURLESQUE OF MODERN DRAMA. 173 
 
 They're none of them mere lardy-dardy, 
 But cunning, unprincipled, hardy, 
 And come from Scotlandini Yardi, 
 La Forza Constabulary^. 
 
 During the present year, the interest gradually excited 
 by successive performances of plays by Henrik Ibsen 
 has culminated in the production of the inevitable bur- 
 lesques. More than one clever travestie of Ibsen has 
 been printed — e.g.^ those by Mr. J. P. Hurst and Mr. 
 Wilton Jones; but the first to be performed was that 
 entitled " Ibsen's Ghost, or Toole up to Date/' which is 
 from the witty pen of Mr. J. M. Barrie. This starts 
 as a sort of sequel to "Hedda Gabler," which it mainly 
 satirises ; but there are allusions also to " Ghosts '' and 
 to " A Doirs House,'' with some general sarcasm at the 
 expense of Ibsen's peculiarities. The dialogue is in prose, 
 with a concluding vocal quartett ; the writer's touch is as 
 light as it is true ; and the composition, as a whole, is 
 thoroughly exhilarating. The three-act piece, " The Gifted 
 Lady," in which Mr. Robert Buchanan sought to ridicule 
 not only Ibsen but other " emancipating " agencies of the 
 time, was, unfortunately, not so successful as Mr. Barrie's 
 slighter and brighter work. It abounded in excellent 
 epigram, but lacked geniality and humour. In " Ibsen's 
 Ghost" Mr. Toole and Miss Eliza Johnstone renewed 
 old successes, while Miss Irene Vanbrugh gave signs of 
 aptitude for burlesque. In " The Gifted Lady " Miss 
 Fanny Brough, Miss Cicely Richards, Mr. W. H. Vernon, 
 and Mr. Harry Paulton showed all their usual skill, but, 
 unfortunately, to no purpose. 
 
VIII. 
 
 BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 
 
 WE have already seen that, in burlesquing mythology, 
 faerie, and other matters, our comic playwrights 
 have not been able to resist the temptation to introduce 
 occasional travesties of things operatic. Opera, indeed, 
 has always had a magnetic power over them. They have 
 been unable to maintain their gravity in presence of the 
 singularities which distinguish opera, even in its most 
 ' modern guise, from the more natural and realistic drama. 
 V ipperatic conditions demand, of necessity, certain stereo- 
 typed regulations, especially of stage management, which 
 detract from probability and excite derision. Especially is 
 this so in the case of the older school of Opera, and notably 
 in that of the Italian school, whose products were largely on 
 the same simple and ingenuous model — a model on which 
 the travestie writers were able to construct some genuinely 
 entertaining imitations. 
 
 Beginning, then, with the. Italian school, we note that 
 Donizetti has been particularly favoured by the parodists. 
 His " Lucrezia Borgia,^' " Linda di Chamouni," " Elisir 
 d' Amore," and " Fille du Regiment " have all had to 
 submit to deliberate perversion. Of " Lucrezia " there have 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 175 
 
 been three notable burlesques — one by Leicester Bucking- 
 ham, at the St. James's, in i860 ; another by Sydney 
 French, at the Marylebone, in 1867 ; and the third by 
 H. J. Byron, at the Holborn, in 1868. Buckingham's was 
 entitled " Lucrezia Borgia ! at Home, and all Abroad," and 
 had Charles Young for the exponent of the title character. 
 Miss Wyndham was Johnny Raw ("known as Gennaro, 
 through the defective pronunciation of his Italian friends — 
 a British shopkeeper, who has left for awhile the counter- 
 tenor of his way, and is travelling on the Continent for his 
 pleasure "). Miss Cecilia Ranoe was Alfonso, and a small 
 part was played by Miss Nellie Moore. Lucrezia figures 
 in this piece as a dabbler in monetary speculations, the 
 failure of which gives opportunity for a speech parodying 
 some Shakespearean lines with more freshness than such 
 things usually possess : — 
 
 Oh ! that dishonoured notes of hand would melt, 
 Thaw, and dissolve themselves when overdue, 
 . And never leave the holder time to sue ; 
 Or that in pickle no such sharp rod lay 
 As the unpleasant writ called 2^ca sa\ 
 How weary, flat, unprofitable, stale, 
 To kick one's heels inside a debtor's gaol ! 
 Fie on't ! 'Tis an unweeded garden clearly ; 
 Blackguards and seedy swells possess it merely. 
 That it should come to this ! At two months* date ! — 
 No, not two months ; six weeks is less than eight. 
 So excellent a bill ! The blow will floor me 1 
 Is this a bailiff that I see before me, 
 A capias in his hand ? Come, let me dodge thee ; 
 Or in a sponging-house I know thou'lt lodge me. 
 I've turned my back, and yet I see thee still 1 
 Canst thou then be two gentlemen at will ? 
 Or art thou but a grim dissolving view — 
 A phantom officer — in short, a «?<? ? 
 
176 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 I see thee yet — so palpable in form, 
 
 My prospects seem uncomfortably warm. 
 
 Thou marshall'st me to Whitecross Street, I see, 
 
 Clutching protested bills endorsed by me ; 
 
 Indictments, too, for fraud and false pretences ! 
 
 Mine eyes are made the fools o' the other senses, 
 
 Or else I'm tight ! I see thee still, my man ; 
 
 And by thy side appears the prison van, 
 
 Which was not so before. There's no such thing ! 
 
 In the course of the piece, Johnny Raw is poisoned by 
 Alfonso with publican's port, and afterwards Lucrezia seeks 
 to destroy Orsini and his companion with London milk. 
 Byron's burlesque on the subject was called " Lucrezia 
 Borgia, M.D." 
 
 ** Linda di Chamouni " exercised the wit both of Mr. 
 Conway Edwardes and of Mr. Alfred Thompson. The 
 former writer's " Linda di Chamouni, or the Blighted 
 Flower," was played at Bath in 1869 ; the latter's work 
 was presented, later in the same year, at the Gaiety. In 
 Mr. Edwardes' book one is most struck by the multiplicity 
 and occasional felicity of the *' wprd-plays." Here, for 
 instance, is what Pierotto says when he is asked to take 
 a cup of wine : — 
 
 Well, if you ask me what I'll take, I think 
 
 Tea I prefer 'bove every other drink. 
 
 For when I'm teazed, vex'd, worried beyond measure, 
 
 A cup of tea's- to me a source 0^ pleasure. 
 
 Whene'er I play, the game is ^^«-to-tum ; 
 
 My fav'rite instrument's a " kettledrum." 
 
 I've faith, when suff 'ring ills heir to humanity, 
 
 In senna tea that you may say's insanitee. 
 
 And also p'rhaps a little odd 'twill seem here. 
 
 That I prefer the scenery of Bohea-xmz.. 
 
 And if I were engaged in deadly strife, 
 
 I'd stab my en'my with a Bohea knife. 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 177 
 
 Two of Donizetti's operas — " L'Elisir d' Amore " and " La 
 Fille du Regiment " — were travestied by Mr. W. S. Gilbert ; 
 the former under the title of "Doctor Dulcamara, or the 
 Little Duck and the Great Quack," the latter under that 
 of "La Vivandi^re, or True to the Corps.'' "Doctor 
 Dulcamara" was played at the St. James's, with Frank 
 Matthews in the title-part. "La Vivandi^re" (1868) was 
 written for the Queen's Theatre, where it employed the 
 talents of Miss Henrietta Hodson, Mr. Toole, Mr. Lionel 
 Brough, Miss Everard (the original Little Buttercup), and 
 Miss Fanny Addison. 
 
 Of Verdi's operas two have been singled out for special 
 attention—" II Trovatore " and " Ernani." The first of 
 these suggested H. J. Byron's " Ill-Treated Trovatore," 
 seen at the Adelphi in 1863, and another version by the 
 same hand, played at the Olympic seventeen years after. 
 Byron also wrote a travestie of " Ernani," which he called 
 " Handsome Hernani " (Gaiety, 1879) ; but in this he had 
 been anticipated by William Brough, whose work was seen 
 at the Alexandra Theatre in 1865. 
 
 Three travesties have been founded on the "La Son- 
 nambula " of Bellini. The first, which was played at the 
 Victoria Theatre in 1835, was from the pen of Gilbert 
 Abbott a'Beckett, and entitled ** The Roof Scrambler" 
 — a title explained in lines spoken by Rudolpho and 
 Swelvino : — 
 
 Rud. I tell you, there are beings in their dreams 
 Who scramble 'pon the house-tops. 
 
 Swel, So it seems. 
 
 Rud. Roof-scramblers they are called ; for on the roofs 
 They walk at night — Molly is one. 
 
 Molly is the name here given to Amina; Swelvino, of 
 , w, L.-V. ^a 
 
178 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 course, is Elvino. He is a sexton, and has plighted his troth 
 
 to Lizzy ; but before the piece opens, he has transferred 
 
 his affections to Molly Brown, a charity girl — "a Greasy 
 
 Roamer over the tops of houses." Swelvino and Molly are 
 
 about to be married, when there arrives at the village 
 
 Rodolpho, the new Inspector of Police, who introduces 
 
 himself as follows : — 
 
 ^ Ah, here I am again ! — I know this scene, 
 
 In which, when I was young, so oft I've been. 
 ■ I recognise each spot I see around, 
 
 The stocks know me, and well I know the pound ! 
 The sight of these my eyes with tears is filling : 
 I knew that pound when I had not a shilling ! 
 
 Molly, walking in her sleep, enters Rodolpho's apartment, 
 and is found there by Swelvino, but is vindicated, like her 
 prototype in the opera, by being subsequently discovered in 
 a somnambulant condition. The story of " La Sonnambula " 
 is, in fact, followed closely, but caricatured throughout. W. 
 Rogers, who was the Swelvino, and Mitchell, who was the 
 Molly, appear to have been highly successful in exciting the 
 hilarity of their audiences. The latter portrayed the heroine 
 as " a waddling, thick-set, red-and-ruddy, blowzy-faced goblin, 
 with turn-up nose and carroty hair, wrapt in a pea-soup or 
 camomile-tea-coloured negligee, and carrying," in the sleep- 
 walking scene, "a farthing rushlight in one of Day & 
 Martin's empty blacking-bottles." Of Swelvino's appearance 
 we may judge from a remark made by Molly to her lover ; — 
 
 I, by looking in your face, can tell 
 What are your feelings excellently well. 
 Oh, yes ! the fulness of that ruby nose 
 Your love for me doth passing well disclose ; 
 Your agitated whisker shows full well 
 What throbs of passion underneath it dwell ! 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 179 
 
 The two other skits upon the opera were the work of H. J. 
 Byron, who produced the first at the Prince of Wales's in 
 1865, under the title of " La ! Sonnambula ! or the Supper, 
 the Sleeper, and the Merry Swiss Boy ; being a passage in 
 the life of a famous * Woman in White ' : a passage leading 
 to a tip-top story." Miss Marie Wilton was the Merry 
 Swiss Boy (Alessio) ; Miss Fanny Josephs was Elvino ; Mr. 
 Dewar, Rodolpho ; " Johnny " Clarke, Amina ; Miss Bella 
 Goodall, Lisa ; Mr. Harry Cox undertaking the role of " a 
 virtuous peasant (by the kind permission of the Legitimate 
 Drama)." This was Miss Wilton's first production at the 
 Prince of Wales's, and it was a great success. In 1878 
 Byron brought out at the Gaiety a piece which he called 
 " II Sonnambulo, or Lively Little Alessio." In this he 
 introduced several variations on the operatic story ; making 
 the Count (Edward Terry) the somnambulist, instead of 
 Amina — in burlesque of Mr. Henry Neville's sleep-walking 
 scene in Wilkie Collins's " Moonstone." Miss Farren was 
 the lively little Alessio, and Mr. Royce the "local tenor," 
 Elvino. 
 
 COf Bellini's " Norma " the first burlesque produced was 
 that which W. H. Oxberry, the comedian, contributed to 
 the Haymarket in 184 1. In this the title-part was played 
 by Paul Bedford, with Wright as Adalgisa and Mrs. H. P. 
 Grattan as Pollio. The piece had no literary pretensions, 
 and it would be unfair to compare it, in that or any other 
 respect, with " The Pretty Druidess, or the Mother, the 
 Maid, and the Mistletoe Bough," which Mr. W. S. Gilbert 
 wrote for the Charing Cross Theatre (now Toole's) just 
 twenty-eight years later. This was one of the best of Mr. 
 Gilbert's operatic travesties, the dialogue being characterised 
 
i8o A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 by especial point and neatnessT/ Here, for example, is the 
 advice given by Norma (Miss Hughes) to the ladies pre- 
 siding over the stalls at a fancy fair. Hamlet's address 
 to the players is very happily suggested : — 
 
 With pretty speech accost both old and young, 
 
 And speak it trippingly upon the tongue ; 
 
 But if you mouth it with a hoyden laugh, 
 
 With clumsy ogling and uncomely chaff — 
 
 As I have oft seen done at fancy fairs, 
 
 I had as lief a huckster sold my wares. 
 
 Avoid all so-called beautifying, dear. 
 
 Oh ! it offends me to the soul to hear 
 
 The things that men among themselves will say 
 
 Of some soi-disant " beauty of the day," 
 
 Whose face, when with cosmetics she has cloyed it, 
 
 Out- Rachels Rachel ! — pray you, girls, avoid it. 
 
 Neither be ye too tame — but, ere you go, 
 
 Provide yourselves with sprigs of mistletoe ; 
 
 Offer them coyly to the Roman herd — 
 
 But don't you " suit the action to the word," 
 
 For in the very torrent of your passion 
 
 Remember modesty is still in fashion. 
 
 Oh, there be ladies whom I've seen hold stalls — 
 
 Ladies of rank, my dear — to whom befalls 
 
 Neither the accent nor the gait of ladies ; 
 
 So clumsily made up with Bloom of Cadiz, 
 
 Powder-rouge — lip-salve — that I've fancied then 
 
 They were the work of Nature's journeymen. 
 
 The "Gazza Ladra " of Rossini lives on the burlesque 
 stage in the counterfeit presentment furnished by Byron's 
 "Maid and the Magpie, or the Fatal Spoon." This was one 
 of the writer's greatest triumphs in the field of travestie. 
 Produced at the Strand in 1854, with Miss Oliver as Ninette, 
 Miss Marie Wilton as Pippo, Bland as Fernando, and Clarke 
 as Isaac (the old-clothes man), it at once hit the public 
 taste, as it well deserved to do, for it is full of clever writing 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. i8i 
 
 and ingenious incidents. The best scene of all, perhaps, 
 is that in which the broken-down Fernando reveals himself 
 to Ninette — a happy satire upon a familiar melodramatic 
 situation : — 
 
 Ninette {entering). A stranger here ! 
 
 Fernan. How beautiful she's grown ! I say, my dear ! 
 {she starts) Start not — ha, ha ! — do I alarm you ? 
 
 Ninette {uneasily). Rather ! 
 
 Fernan, {hesitatingly). Why, miss, you see — the fact is — I'm your 
 father ! 
 
 Ninette. Impossible ! I never had one ! 
 
 Fer7ian. Law ! 
 
 Ninette. That is — I had none that I ever saw. 
 
 Fernan. Oh, why in battle did no friendly blow 
 Finish her luckless parent long ago ? 
 {in choked accents) Doth not the voice of nature seem quite clear — eh ? 
 
 Ninette. The voice of nature seems a little beery. 
 
 Fernan. {seizi^ig her arm — music piano). Look at me well! 
 {Ninette appears gradually to recognise him.) 
 
 Ninette. Upon a close inspection, 
 
 I seem to have a dreamy recollection 
 Of having seen those eyes of yours somewhere, 
 Also that most extensive head of hair ; 
 The accents of the voice, too, now I think, 
 Seem broken by emotion, not by drink ; 
 Yes, it's all coming back to me, of course. 
 
 Fernan. Remember, dear, I bought you once a horse, 
 A wooden toy — remember, you had lots — 
 It ran on wheels— all mane and tail and spots — 
 Also a dog, a little dog, I vow, 
 Which, vi^hen you squeezed it, used to go Bow-wow ! 
 Likewise a spade, which, on your nurse's head 
 You broke, and got well spanked and sent to bed 
 
 Ninette {ivildly). A flood of memory rushes through my brain ! 
 
 Fernan. {excitedly). Ninette, my daughter, look at me again. 
 
 Ninette {seizing his nose). Yes, yes, that nose decides me — yes — you 
 are — 
 
 Fernan. At last — at last ! he — he ! she knows her pa ! 
 
i82 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 In a mock love-scene with Ninette, Gianetto (Miss Ternan) 
 draws the following comic picture : — 
 
 Fancy a bower with rose and jasmine graced, 
 
 Such as we see in small tea-gardens placed ; 
 
 Where friendly spiders and black-beetles drop 
 
 On to your bread and butter with a flop ; 
 
 Where mouldy seats stain sarsnet, satin, silk, 
 
 And suicidal flies fall in the milk ; 
 
 Where we can scorn the heartless world's attack. 
 
 Though daddy-longlegs may creep down your back ; 
 
 Smile at society's contemptuous sneer, 
 
 Though caterpillars tumble in your beer ; 
 
 Where chimneys never smoke, and soot don't fall, 
 
 Where income-tax collectors never call, 
 
 Where one's wife's mother never even once 
 
 Visits her darling daughter for six months ; 
 
 Where bills, balls, banks, and bonnets are not known — 
 
 Come, dwell with me, my beautiful — my own. 
 
 Turning to the burlesques of opera of the German school, 
 we begin, naturally, with Mozart, whose " Don Giovanni " 
 found humorous reflection in two pieces, by H. J. Byron 
 and Mr. Reece. The former's "Little Don Giovanni"* 
 belongs to 1865, when it was performed at the Prince of 
 Wales's, with Miss Wilton (Mrs. Bancroft) as the hero, 
 Clarke as Leporello, Miss Fanny Josephs as Masetto, Mr. 
 Hare as Zerlina (probably his only appearance on the stage 
 in petticoats). Miss Sophie Larkin as Elvira, and Miss 
 Hughes as Donna Anna. Don Giovanni was the last 
 burlesque part written by Byron for Miss Wilton, and, 
 moreover, it was the last burlesque part she ever played. 
 She records in her Memoirs that an amusing feature of the 
 
 * Byron's "Don Juan," brought out at the Alhambra in 1873, was 
 about equally indebted for its plot to the libretto of Mozart's opera and 
 to Lord Byron's poem. 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA, 183 
 
 piece was the spectacle presented in the last act by the 
 Commandant's hoise, which, in allusion to a recent freak 
 in Leicester Square, had been covered with a variety of 
 spots, and ** looked like an exaggerated Lowther Arcade 
 toy." Mr. Recce's burlesque was called "Don Giovanni 
 in Venice," and came out at the Gaiety in 1873. 
 
 In 1842 Macready revived at Drury Lane Handel's 
 delightful " Acis and Galatea," and the opera was promptly 
 caricatured by W. H. Oxberry in a piece produced three 
 days afterwards at the Adelphi. The travestie of **Acis 
 and Galatea" which was seen at the Olympic in 1863 
 was from the pen of Mr. Burnand. Its full title was 
 " Acis and Galatea, or the Nimble Nymph and the Terrible 
 Troglodyte " ; and the Nimble Nymph (described as " a 
 Nymph of the Sea, who also visits the land —a nymphibious 
 young lady") was played by Miss Hughes. The puns 
 were prolific, and so were the parodies, the best of which 
 are written in caricature of the absurd English translations 
 in the operatic " books of the play." Here, for example, is 
 a setting of the trio in " Trovatore "— r" II tuo sangue " : — 
 
 Polyphenms, With you, oh. sanguine, I'd share your 'art, oh ! 
 'Twould be a stinger, ho ! if no go. 
 {As to her) Dear ! {as to hhnself) Oh, folly ! be calm, oh ! I'm misty ! 
 
 {Holding his haiids over his bursting heart — operatically singing). 
 Eh, pooh, we've here a kimp, oh ! {alluding to his heai't). 
 No, eh, pooh, we've 'ere a 
 
 Lump, oh no. 
 Ah ! de gal, oh, so de gal, oh, so coy, press 'art to {enraptured) 
 And it may then end in no go ! {^vith a tinge of sadness). 
 And it may then end in no go ! 
 
 I'm a gent, oh, over-misty {zvith his hand to his heart). 
 Cease of her to be fond, ah, no ! 
 
 No ! fond ! ah ! no ! 
 Ah ! etc. 
 
i84 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 Phyllis. J Come, ah ! come, will you o-ver-awe, eh? [fiercely). 
 
 Galalea.y Come, ah ! come, will you o-ver-awe me? {distractedly). 
 
 Phyllis, r You'll ar-ray, ah ! wi' Pol trudge, oh ! * {fiercely). 
 
 Galatea. \Yo\^\[ ar-ray, ah ! wi' Pol trudge, oh ! {distractedly). 
 
 Phyllis. J Veep ! ye'll ne'er go to rest o' shore, eh ! {fiercely). 
 
 Galatea.XVeep ! we'll ne'er go to rest o' shore, eh? {distractedly). 
 
 Phyllis. Gay ! tomb ! ah ! one full ! no beau ! {ivildly and 
 defuoniacally). 
 
 Galatea. Gay ! tomb ! ah ! one full ! no beau ! {wildly and dis- 
 tractedly) . 
 
 Six years after the production of Mr. Burnand's piece, 
 Mr. T. F. Plowman brought out at Oxford " a piece of 
 extravagance," to which he gave the name of " A Very New 
 Edition of Acis and Galatea, or the Beau ! the Belle ! and 
 the Blacksmith I " 
 
 Of Meyerbeer's operas three have been burlesqued in 
 England — " Dinorah," "UAfricaine" and "Robert le 
 Diable." The first of these was parodied in "Dinorah 
 under Difficulties," a burlesque by William Brough, which 
 dates back as far as 1859 (at the Adelphi). " UAfricaine " 
 was handled by Mr. Burnand six years later at the Strand. 
 Three years more, and " Robert le Diable " was being 
 travestied at the Gaiety by Mr. Gilbert, under the title 
 of " Robert the Devil, or the Nun, the Dun, and the Sun of 
 a Gun." t This last is on the old lines of " palmy-day " 
 burlesque, and has not much in it that is characteristically 
 Gilbertian. The lyrics are written chiefly to operatic airs, 
 and there is no room, therefore, for rhythmical invention. 
 In the dialogue, however, one comes across an occasional 
 
 * This, says Mr. Burnand in a note, is the poetic for ** You'll get on 
 your bonnet and accompany Polyphemus." 
 
 t In this Miss Farren, as Robert, was supported by Miss Constance 
 Loseby as Raimbault, Miss Emily Fowler as Alice, Miss Annie 
 Tremaine as Prince of Granada, and Joseph Eldred as Gobetto. 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA, 185 
 
 passage which strikes one as quite Gilbertian in its cynicism. 
 Take, for example, these lines from the scene in which 
 fun is made of the Tussaud " Chamber of Horrors '' : — 
 
 Bertram. These are all statues, raised from time to time 
 To people who 're remarkable for crime. 
 
 Robert. But if their wicked deeds could so unnerve one, 
 Why give them statues ? 
 
 Bert. *Cause they don't deserve one. 
 
 That's our strict rule — a rule we never garble — 
 Good deeds we wi'ite in sand, bad deeds in marble. 
 
 Some of the puns in the piece are worth recording. 
 Thus, Alice says of a porter, to whom half a crown has 
 been given : — 
 
 He'll spend it all upon his favourite wets — 
 He tipsy gets with all the tips he gets. 
 
 Again, Gobetto says of Robert : — 
 
 He's smoking to a pretty tune, I'll bet, oh ! 
 
 Prince, That pretty tune must be "II Cigaretto." 
 
 Gobetto says to Robert : — 
 
 We saw you through the window, pouring fizz in ! 
 Robert. I liked the wines, but didn't like the qtiizzin. 
 
 Again : — 
 
 Alice. Why, Robert, how you've changed in speech and tone ! 
 Your forehead, once so smooth, now bears a frown on it ; 
 As for your mouth, 'tis evident you're down in it ! 
 
 Robert, Yes, though I'm young, it's plain to all who con it, 
 Down in the mouth before I've down upon it ! 
 
 Weber's " Der Freischutz " has been travestied both by 
 Mr. Burnand and by H. J. Byron, both productions taking 
 place in 1866, within two days of each other — the one at 
 the Strand, and the other at the Prince of Wales's. Mr. 
 
l86 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Reece is responsible for a burlesque of Flotow's *' Martha," 
 performed at the Gaiety in 1873, with Miss Constance 
 Loseby, Miss Rachel Sanger, Mr. Lionel Brough, and 
 Mr. Aynsley Cook in the leading parts. 
 
 Wagnerian " music-drama " has more than once been 
 desecrated on the burlesque stage. First of all there 
 came, at the Royalty in 1869, the "Flying Dutchman" of 
 William Brough ; then Messrs. Green and Swanborough 
 brought out at the Strand, in 1876, "The Lying Dutch- 
 man '' (with M. Marius and Miss Lottie Venne) ; and the 
 " Little Lohengrin " of Mr. Bowyer saw the light in 1884 
 at the Holborn Theatre. 
 
 So much for the German school. Of the French com- 
 posers, Auber has had more pieces travestied in this country 
 than has any one of his fellows. There is " Masaniello," for 
 instance, and " Fra Diavolo," and " Les Diamans de la 
 Couronne." " Masaniello, or the Fish 'oman of Naples," 
 was the title given by Robert B. Brough to the " lish tale, 
 in one act," which he wrote for the Olympic in 1857. 
 He had, for the impersonator of his hero, Robson, whose 
 presence in the cast suggested to Mrs. Wigan the addition 
 to the mad scene of sundry indications of the actor's former 
 successes at the Olympic. The result was very successful. 
 Masaniello came on, crying — 
 
 My lord, the Earl of Hammersmith is taken ! 
 Stop ! That's in Hamlet ! I'm Masaniello ! 
 To be or not to was — that's in Othello, 
 Translated into Irish — for Ristori. 
 Pop goes the Weasel — that's from Trovatore. 
 
 He then breaks off into a portion of the dagger dance from 
 " Macbeth Travestie," following this up with a scrap from 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 187 
 
 Italian opera and part of the hornpipe in "The Yellow 
 Dwarf.'' Then Borella says : — 
 
 You are our chief ! Do you not know me, sir ? 
 
 Mas, Excellent well ! You are a fishmonger I 
 And I'm your chieftain. 
 
 Pietro. Are you not, my lad ? 
 
 Mas. Ay, every inch a King-fisher — not bad ! [chuckles). 
 The monarch of the deep — my lord of scales ; 
 Here's a discovery — I'm Prince of Whales ! . . . 
 Think not to pierce this hide of Indian rubber {weeps). 
 A whale ! Oh yes ! A whale of tears ! All blubber ! 
 
 Suzanna. Oh ! this side-piercing sight ! 
 
 Mas. I'm very limp — 
 
 And small — and flabby ! Hang it ! I'm a shrimp ! 
 
 Then followed a song, in parody of " I'm Afloat " : — 
 
 I'm a shrimp ! I'm a shrimp, of diminutive size : 
 
 Inspect my antennae, and look at my eyes ; 
 
 I'm a natural syphon, when dipped in a cup. 
 
 For I drain the contents to the latest drop up. 
 
 I care not for craw-fish, I heed not the prawn, 
 
 From a flavour especial my fame has been drawn ; 
 
 Nor e'en to the crab or the lobster I'll yield. 
 
 When I'm properly cook'd and efiiciently peel'd. 
 
 Quick ! quick ! pile your coals — let your saucepan be deep ! 
 
 For the weather is warm, and I'm not sure to keep ; 
 
 Off, off with my head-^split my shell into three — 
 
 I'm a shrimp ! I'm a shrimp — to be eaten with tea. 
 
 After this, Robson was wont to introduce a bit of 
 " business " from " The Discreet Princess," ending with a 
 ditty from the " Medea " burlesque. The travestie of the 
 pantomime-action of the dumb girl Fenella was naturally 
 another feature of Brough's work, which had the usual 
 supply of puns, and, altogether, more than the usual amount 
 of literary and dramatic merit. The little travestie, called 
 
i88 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 " Masse-en-Yell-Oh," written by Messrs. Harry Paulton and 
 Mostyn Tedde for the Comedy in 1886, was an unpre- 
 tending piece of work, not challenging comparison with its 
 predecessor. 
 
 Auber's "Fra Diavolo" was another of the operatic originals 
 on which H. J. Byron based his comic fancies. He wrote, 
 to begin with, " Fra Diavolo, or the Beauty and the Brigands," 
 first seen at the Strand in 1858; and then, twenty years 
 after, "Young P'ra Diavolo," which made its appearance 
 at the Gaiety. " Les Diamans de la Couronne " fell to the 
 lot of Mr. Reece, who, in 1875, prepared for the Holborn 
 Theatre the piece entitled " The Half-crown Diamonds," 
 a revised edition of which found its way to the stage of the 
 Imperial Theatre just five years later. 
 
 Harold's " Zampa " was burlesqued by Mr. T. F. Plow- 
 man at the Court in 1872, and by Mr. J. McArdle for the 
 provincial stage in 1876. The **Mignon" of M. Thomas 
 has also been transmogrified into the " Merry Mignon " 
 of Mr. Wilton Jones (1882). The "Carmen" of Georges 
 Bizet has had its mirthful side portrayed in no fewer than 
 four comic pieces — the " Carmen, or Sold for a Song " 
 of Mr. Reece (Folly, 1879); the "Cruel Carmen" of 
 Mr. Wilton Jones (1880); the "Little Carmen" of Mr. 
 Alfred Murray (Globe, 1884); and the "Carmen Up to 
 Data" of Messrs. Sims and Pettitt (Gaiety, 1890). The 
 Carmen of the first of these productions was Miss Lydia 
 Thompson, — of the last. Miss Florence St. John, a charming 
 vocalist, gifted with the true vis comica. 
 
 But the most popular, by a long way, of all French 
 operas, for purposes of burlesque, has been the " Faust " 
 of Gounod. Of the many travesties of this, or of the story 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 189 
 
 embodied in it, the earliest was that of Halford, brought 
 
 out at the Olympic in 1854. This was followed in 1857 by 
 
 a piece called " Alonzo the Brave," written by Mr. Burnand 
 
 for performance by University amateurs at Cambridge, and 
 
 mingling the story of Alonzo, as told in the ballad, with that 
 
 of Faust, in a fashion effective, if a little puzzling. In this 
 
 piece of extravagance (in which, by the way, Mr. Burnand 
 
 played Mephistopheles), Imogene is the heroine, taking 
 
 the place of Marguerite in the affections of Faust. For a 
 
 while, in the absence of Alonzo, she yields to the snares 
 
 of the tempter; but, in the end, her first sweetheart 
 
 appears to her as his own ghost, her inconstancy is forgiven, 
 
 and Faust retires from the scene. 
 
 Seven years later Mr. Burnand wrote a burlesque called 
 
 " Faust and Marguerite " for the St. James's. He had Ashley 
 
 for his Faust, Charles Mathews and Mrs. Charles Mathews 
 
 for his Mephistopheles and Marguerite, H. J. Montague for 
 
 his Valentine, and "Johnny" Clarke for his Martha. In this 
 
 instance he followed the story of the opera pretty closely 
 
 till near the end, when Faust was sued for breach of promise 
 
 of marriage, and escaped the clutches of Mephistopheles 
 
 only by consenting to pair off with Martha ! A visit to a 
 
 music-hall formed part of the action, and gave occasion for 
 
 some pointed lines. Said Faust : — 
 
 I'm saddened by your modern comic singing ; 
 
 and Mephistopheles went on to describe the scene : — 
 
 There sat the draper's clerk, who wildly loves 
 The tenth-rate prima donna in cleaned gloves ; 
 The would-be swell, who thinks it mighty grand 
 To shake the comic singer by the hand ; 
 Who pays for his amusement through the nose, 
 And stands not on the order of his ** goes." 
 
I90 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 He thinks the dark girls dressed in blue first-raters, 
 And is familiar with the seedy waiters ; 
 He sips his sling or takes some sort of toddy, 
 And encores everything and everybody. 
 
 Marguerite says at one point — 
 
 That circled orb, you think, 's the moon ; it ain't : 
 We know 'tis but a circle daub of paint. 
 
 And she remarks elsewhere that 
 
 The minnow is the minnow-mum of fishes. 
 
 Faust says, in one place — 
 
 Our prima donna, sir, has gone, I guess, 
 
 To make herself _primmer and to don her dress. 
 
 There is a diverting parody on " My Mother " : — 
 
 Who guided you o'er lake and fell, 
 Who told you all there was to tell, 
 Ne'er missed a place, but showed it well ? 
 
 Your Murray ! 
 
 In 1869 Mr. Burnand was to the fore again with "Very 
 Little Faust and More Marguerite," which was played at 
 the Charing Cross Theatre (as the building was then 
 called). A few years later — in 1877 — H. J. Byron entered 
 the field with " Little Doctor Faust," in which he had for 
 interpreters the Gaiety artists, headed by Miss Farren and 
 Mr. Edward Terry. Later still — in 1885 — came a provin- 
 cial writer with "Faust in Forty Minutes." In 1886 we 
 had at the Royalty a piece called " Mephisto," of which the 
 only characteristic feature was an imitation of Mr. Irving 
 by Mr. E. J. Henley, clever in its way, but not to be 
 compared for sustained truthfulness to the performance 
 given by Mr. H. E. Dixey in " Adonis " (at the Gaiety) a 
 
BURLESQUE OF OPERA. 191 
 
 week or two previously. In 1886, also, Mr. Burnand 
 brought out at Toole's — with Mr. Toole as Mephistopheles 
 (ft la Irving) — " Faust and Loose " ; and, two years after, 
 we had at the Gaiety the " Faust up to Date " of Messrs. 
 G. R. Sims and Henry Pettitt, of which more hereafter. A 
 notable fact about " Faust and Loose " is the appearance on 
 the stage, for the first time, of Marguerite's mother — a lady 
 unaccountably neglected by all previous writers, serious 
 or otherwise ! In the burlesque she thus introduces 
 herself : — 
 
 My name it is Really, 
 
 I can't state it clearly ; 
 
 But I'll observe, merely, 
 
 That I'm not to blame. 
 
 To save further bother, 
 
 I'm Margaret's mother, 
 
 And, as I've no other, 
 
 Why, that is my name. 
 
 They can't do virithout me, 
 The play's all about me. 
 They flout me, they scout me ; 
 
 Oh ! I call it mean ! 
 Each version where Ma is, 
 In London or Paris, 
 Makes me Mrs. Harris, 
 
 Much talked of, not seen. 
 
 I'm griping and grasping, 
 I'm snoring, I'm gasping, 
 With fear my voice rasping 
 
 Miss Marguerite fills. 
 They speak thus behind me — 
 You'll speak as you find me — 
 But all have maligned me. 
 
 From Goethe to Wills ! 
 
 English serious opera has not often fallen a prey to the 
 
192 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 untender mercies of the parodist. Balfe and Vincent 
 Wallace alone have been victimised in that way — Balfe 
 through his " Bohemian Girl " and " Rose of Castile " ; 
 Wallace through his " Maritana." The " Bohemian Girl " 
 has taken four different shapes on the burlesque boards. 
 In' 1851, as transmogrified by the Brothers Brough, she 
 figured at the Haymarket as " Arline." In 1864, under the 
 auspices of Messrs. Best and Bellingham, she appeared 
 at Sadler's Wells under the same designation. At the 
 command of Mr. W. S. Gilbert she posed at the Royalty 
 in 1868 as "The Merry Zingara." In 1877, as portrayed 
 by H. J. Byron at the Opera Comique and Gaiety, she 
 appeared as " The Bohemian Gy-url." For his Arline Mr. 
 Gilbert had Miss "Patty" Oliver; for his Gipsy Queen, 
 Miss Charlotte Saunders ; for his Count Arnheim, Fred 
 Dewar ; and for his Devilshoof, Danvers. Byron's piece 
 was interpreted by the Gaiety Company. "The Rose of 
 Castile," as treated by Mr. Conway Edwardes, was seen in 
 1872 at the Brighton Theatre as "The Rows of Castile." 
 ** Maritana," of course, was the origin and basis of Mr. 
 Burnand's "Mary Turner" (Holborn Theatre, 1867), as 
 well as of Byron's " Little Don Caesar de Bazan " (Gaiety, 
 1876), in which Mr. Terry was such an entertaining King 
 Charles. 
 
IX. 
 
 BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 
 
 THE writers of stage travestie have gone less to fiction 
 for subject-matter than might have been expected. 
 Half a dozen romances previous to Scott, half a dozen of 
 Scott's own stories, about the same number of modern 
 novels, and still fewer foreign masterpieces — these represent 
 the sources of all the most important of the burlesques 
 which have been based upon invented prose narrative. 
 
 The earliest of the tales which have been thus dealt with 
 is "Robinson Crusoe." Of this time-honoured story, the 
 first whimsical treatment was that which took the shape of 
 a piece called " Crusoe the Second, or the Shipwrecked 
 Milliners," presented at the Lyceum in 1847. This was 
 written by Stocqueler, and had for interpreters Mr. and 
 Mrs. Keeley, with Alfred Wigan (as Crusoe). It was fol- 
 lowed, in i860, at the Princess's, by the " Robinson Crusoe " 
 of H. J. Byron. Seven years later, no fewer than six 
 writers joined in the production of a perversion of Defoe's 
 tale, brought out at the Haymarket in 1867, and bearing the 
 names of H. J. Byron, W. S. Gilbert, T. Hood, jun., H. S. 
 Leigh, W. J. Prowse, and Arthur Sketchley. In this (which 
 was given at a matinee for the benefit of the family of Paul 
 Gray, the artist) the parts were all sustained by well-known 
 
 w. L,-v. i^ 
 
194 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 men of art and letters. After this there came, in 1876, at 
 the Folly, the '' Robinson Crusoe " of Mr. H. B. Farnie,* 
 which, in its turn, was followed, just ten years later, by yet 
 another arrangement of the story, in which Mr. Farnie had 
 the co-operation of Mr. Reece. 
 
 To the Adelphi, in 1846, belongs an "extra extravagant 
 extravaganza," founded by Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett and 
 Mark Lemon on the "Peter Wilkins" of Robert Paltock 
 (first printed in 1750). This burlesque had for its full title 
 — "Peter Wilkins, or the Loadstone Rock and the Flying 
 Indians," and had for its chief interpreters — Miss Woolgar 
 as the hero, Paul Bedford as Jack Adams, and Miss E. 
 Chaplin as Youriwkee. Dr. Johnson's "Rasselas" attracted 
 the attention of William Brough, and was made, in 1862, 
 the foundation of a burlesque -produced at the Etaymarket. 
 
 In 1765 Horace Walpole published his mediaeval imagin- 
 ing, " The Castle of Otranto," by which so many of us have 
 in our youth been thrilled. In 1848 Gilbert Abbott a'Beckett 
 set himself to make fun of its singularities, and the result 
 was a very brightly written piece, enacted at the Haymarket.t 
 In this, Manfred's son Conrad is found imprisoned under 
 the gigantic helmet of Alphonso, and the distracted father 
 at once begins to give way to comic word-splitting : — 
 
 If he's beneath that hat, 
 His bier, by this time, must be precious flat ! 
 I'll not believe it ! no, my life upon it ! 
 No one would dare my Conrad thus to bonnet. 
 
 * With Miss Lydia Thompson as Robinson, Mr. Lionel Brough as 
 Jim Cocks, and Mr. Willie Edouin as Man Friday. 
 
 t With Keeley as Manfred, Bland as the Marquis Vincenza, Miss 
 P. Horton as Theodore, Miss Reynolds as Isabella, and Mrs. W. 
 Clifford as Hippolita. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 195 
 
 But stay ! — has anybody got a lever, 
 To give a lift to this gigantic beaver ? 
 {The helmet is raised at the back ; Manfred looks under it.) 
 Alas ! he speaks the truth — my son lies low, 
 Poor little chap, under this great chapeau. 
 My. Conrad gone ! — This is a sad disaster, 
 The die is cast by this unlucky castor ! 
 Can no one tell me how or whence it came ? 
 Is there no ticket with the hatter's name ? 
 If I knew grief before, this hat has capped it, — 
 My boy, crush'd 'neath this hated nap, has napped it I 
 
 In the opening scene, Hippolita, Conrad's mother, ventures 
 to suggest to Manfred that the boy is not of marriageable 
 age, sixteen summers not having yet passed o'er his 
 head : — 
 
 Man. Time flies, you kndw ; thro' life one quickly flings 
 One's sixteen summersets, after sixteen springs. 
 
 Hip, 'Tis my maternal tenderness that speaks : 
 As yet no whiskery down adorns his cheeks. 
 
 Man, I'll hear no more ! talk not of down to me — 
 The boy's as downy as a boy need be. 
 
 In the year following the publication of "The Castle of 
 Otranto," the " Vicar of Wakefield " was given to the world. 
 It appears to have escaped travestie until 1885, when — 
 thinking more, no doubt, of Mr. Wills's " Olivia '' than of 
 Goldsmith's chef d'ceuvre — Messrs. Stephens and Yardley 
 brought out at the Gaiety " The Vicar of Wideawakefield," 
 in which Mr. Arthur Roberts and Miss Laura Linden sought, 
 not unsuccessfully, to reproduce and heighten some of the 
 artistic peculiarities of Mr.. Irving and Miss Ellen Terry. 
 Mrs. Shelley's " Frankenstein," published in 18 18, received 
 its first dramatic reductio ad absurdum in 1849, when the 
 Brothers Brough made it the subject of a burlesque ; — its 
 
196 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 second in 1887, when Messrs. ^' Richard Henry" turned out 
 at the Gaiety a travestie, of which I shall have something 
 to say in my next chapter. In the Broughs' version Wright 
 was Frankenstein and Paul Bedford the Monster, and much 
 fun was made out of the finishing touches which Franken- 
 stein gave to his work. " O." Smith, Miss Woolgar, and 
 Miss Chaplin were also in the cast. 
 
 Sir Walter Scott's novels have obtained a fair amount of 
 notice from the comic dramatists. ^* Ivanhoe," for example, 
 has exercised the humorous powers of three — of Robert 
 Brough (at the Haymarket in 1850), of H. J. Byron (at the 
 Strand in 1862), and of T. F. Plowman (at the Court in 187 1). 
 Byron (who called his work " Ivanhoe in accordance with 
 the Spirit of the Times " *) had the aid of Miss Charlotte 
 Saunders as his Wilfred, of Charles Rice as his Brian de 
 Bois-Guilbert, of "Johnny " Clarke as his Isaac of York, of 
 Miss Eleanor Bufton as his Black Knight, of Miss Swan- 
 borough as Rowena, of Jenny Rogers as his Rebecca, and 
 of Miss Polly Marshall, Miss Fanny Hughes, and Poynter 
 in other parts. In the provinces he was his own Isaac of 
 York. 
 
 " Isaac of York,'' by the way, was the title given by 
 Mr. Plowman to his effort, which had a good deal of 
 ingenuity and " go." Here, for example, is an extract from 
 the scene at the banquet at which Cedric entertains his 
 guests. Ivanhoe is soliloquising aside, and his utterances 
 
 * This burlesque has been used, during the present year, as the 
 foundation for a travestie played by the Cambridge Amateur Dramatic 
 Company, under the title of "Ivanhoe a la Carte" (in allusion to 
 Mr. D'Oyly Carte's production of Sir Arthur Sullivan's *' Ivanhoe"). 
 To this adaptation, it is said, new lyrics were contributed by Messrs. 
 J. K. Stephen and R. C. Lehmann. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 197 
 
 are interrupted by the demands of the personce sitting at 
 table :— 
 
 I'i>:inhoe {soliloquising aside). 'Tis strange once more my native 
 boards to tread, 
 Beneath the roof where I was born and 
 
 Roivena. Bread ! 
 
 Tvan. If she should recognise me, she'd be flustered. 
 My utmost self-possession must be 
 
 Rebecca. Mustard I 
 
 Ivan. She's lovelier than ever. Happy fate, 
 Her beauteous face once more to contem 
 
 Isaac. Plate ! 
 
 Ivan. That scamp. Sir B., Til challenge —that's quite clear, 
 And (if I can) despatch him to his 
 
 Cedric. Beer ! 
 
 Ivan. I'll meet him boldly with my 
 
 Isaac. Knife and fork ! 
 
 Ivan. And fight till one of us is dead as 
 
 Sir Brian. Pork ! 
 
 Ivan. When Richard comes he'll stop such idle praters. 
 These plottings Normans and base agi 
 
 Isaac. Taters ! 
 
 Ivan, He'll make 'em in their knavish doings halt ; 
 His action will be battery and as 
 
 Reb. Salt ! 
 
 Ivan. Out of his land he*ll soon make each a stepper, 
 When he returns, by Jove, he'll give 'em 
 
 Isaac. Pepper ! 
 
 In another scene Isaac gives vent to a piece of mock- 
 heroic execration directed against Brian de Bois-Guilbert : — 
 
 Avenge me, then, ye fates, I do implore. 
 
 May he, like me, be martyr to lumbag^r, 
 
 Tic-doloreux, sciatica, and ag^r. 
 
 Sore-throats, neuralgia, hooping-cough, and sneezings, 
 
 Rheumatics, asthma, colds, and bronchial wheezings. 
 
 And while the north-east wind doth round him blow, 
 
 Ye clouds, hail, mizzle, drizzle, sleet, and snow ; 
 
198 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Rain rakes and pitchforks, kittens, cats and dogs, 
 
 "While down his throat pour vapours, mists, and fogs. 
 
 May broken chilblains ever stud his toes. 
 
 May icicles hang pendent from his nose. 
 
 May winter's cold his shaving-water freeze, 
 
 May he be stopped whene'er he's going to sneeze. 
 
 And when appalled you loudly call for helps. 
 
 May palsies seize you 
 
 Sir B. Oh, shade of Mr. Phelps ! * 
 
 Next to " Ivanhoe " in popularity for travestie we may 
 place " Rob Roy." Mr. Sydney French took it in hand at 
 the Marylebone in 1867, and Mr. William Lowe gave it 
 a very Scotch rendering, in 1880, under the title of " Mr. 
 Robert Roye, Hielan Helen his Wife, and Dougal the 
 Dodger." But the " standard " burlesque on the subject is, 
 of course, Mr. Burnand's "Robbing Roy" (Gaiety, 1879), 
 in which Mr. Terry was such a diverting " Roy,'* with 
 Miss Farren as Francis, Miss Vaughan as Diana, and Mr. 
 Royce as an admirable Dougal. Of the " Bride of Lammer- 
 moor " there have been two burlesque versions — Oxberry's, 
 at the Strand in 1848 ; and H. J. Byron's, at the Prince 
 of Wales's in 1865. "Kenilworth" has been similarly 
 honoured. There was the piece brought out at the Strand 
 in 1858 by Andrew Halliday and a collaborator, and there 
 was that which Messrs. Reece and Farnie contributed 
 to the Avenue Theatre in 1885. "Guy Mannering " has 
 engaged the attention of Mr. Burnand : we can all re- 
 member his " Here's another Guy Mannering," brought 
 
 * Mr. Plowman had Mr. Righton for his Isaac, Miss Kate Bishop 
 for his Ivanhoe, Miss Nelly Bromley for his Rowena, Miss Oliver for 
 his Rebecca, Mr. Alfred Bishop for his Brian de Bois-Guilbert, and 
 Mile. Cornelie d'Anka for his Richard Coeur-de-Lion. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 199 
 
 out at the Vaudeville in 1874. For the solitary travestie of 
 " The Talisman," the late J. F. M'Ardle is responsible. It 
 was first played at Liverpool in the year last named. 
 
 Lord Lytton^s novels and romances have been ridiculed 
 on the stage very much less frequently than have his 
 dramas. " The Very Last Days of Pompeii," by Mr. Reece, 
 and "The Last of the Barons," by Mr. Du Terreaux, are, 
 so far as I know, the only stage works in which his prose 
 fiction has been perverted. The former was seen at the 
 Vaudeville in 1872, and the latter at the Strand in the same 
 year. In " The Last of the Barons," Atkins was the King- 
 maker, Mr. Edward Terry portraying Edward IV. as a 
 great dandy, and endowing him with an amusing lisp. 
 
 When we turn to the stories of more recent times, 
 we think at once of the " No Thoroughfare " of Charles 
 Dickens and Wilkie Collins, and of the " Foul Play '' of 
 Charles Reade and Dion Boucicault, as having suffered at 
 the hands of the irreverent scribes. The former romance 
 suggested to Hazlewood junior his " No Thorough-fair 
 beyond Highbury, or the Maid, the Mother, and the 
 Malicious Mountaineer." This was in 1868; and in the 
 following year the elder George Grossmith emulated Hazle- 
 wood's example at the Victoria Theatre. , "Foul Play'' 
 was parodied by Mr. Burnand, not only in the pages of 
 Punch J but in " Fowl Play, or a Story of Chikkin Hazard, 
 produced at the New Queen's in 1868.* Of the bright 
 writing in this *^ book," no better specimen could well be 
 
 * In this piece Mr. Toole was the Robert Penfold, Mr. Lionel 
 Brough the Joseph Wylie, Mr. Gaston Murray the General RoUing- 
 stone, Mr. Wyndham the Arthur Waddles, and Miss Ellen Farren 
 (then in her novitiate) the Nancy Rouse. 
 
200 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 furnished than the song which WyHe sings in description* 
 of the scuttling of the Proserpine. This I give in full : — 
 
 I'm a werry wicked cove, with my one, two, three 
 
 Characters in the history as foUars 
 Of a sickly gal and me, and a missionary^^, 
 In a choker white and nobby pair o' collars. 
 The Proserpine an' guns 
 Weighed such a lot of tuns, 
 And I was the mate and the butler. 
 And as I wanted funs 
 You gave two thousand puns 
 To me to go below, and so to scuttle her. 
 
 i.W^.{H^'=}a werry wicked cove, withj^^l^^^^-^^'o. 
 
 Charatters in the history as follars ; 
 Of the sickly girl and j ^ Vand the missionary^^, 
 In a choker white and nobby pair of collars. 
 
 There was copper there and gold, both o' yours not mine, 
 
 'Twas a werry awful risk, but I ran 'un ; 
 And the Copper, labelled Gold, went aboard the Proserpine 
 And the Gold, labelled Copper, on the Shannon, 
 Oh, it went down like a line. 
 On board the Proserpine^ 
 And it was not my little game to stop'er, 
 
 And the gold comes safe in the Shannon ship, 
 While you gets the walue for the copper. 
 
 The Proserpine went down in a one, two, three, 
 
 Which she did to the werry bottom ; 
 They called out for the boats, and the ropes, and floats, 
 But couldn't get 'em cos I'd got 'em. 
 
 So they got a boat and sail, 
 
 As wouldn't stand a gale, 
 And the lady and the gent jumps in her. 
 
 And the missionary^<? 
 
 Took a pound of tea. 
 But they hadn't got no grub for their dinner. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 201 
 
 BothA Y » [a very wicked cove, with my one, two, three, 
 
 Which is a quotation from Cocker ; 
 But I mourns for that Gal and the Missionary^^ 
 Which is both gone down to Davy Jones's Locker. 
 
 Among other recent fictions which have obtained the 
 distinction of stage travestie may be named " Lady Audley's 
 Secret," "Little Lord Fauntleroy," and "The Strange Case 
 of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." In the first of these instances 
 H. J. Byron was the operator — the scene, the St. James's 
 Theatre in 1863. Mrs. Burnett's pretty conception was 
 tortured into " The Other Little Lord Fondleboy " (1888), 
 and Mr. Stevenson's weird invention into "The Real 
 Case of Hide and Seekyll" (Royalty, 1888), for which the 
 younger George Grossmith must bear the blame. 
 
 The literature of dramatic parody does not owe much 
 to foreign fiction. P'arnie gave us "Little Gil Bias" at 
 the Princess's in 1870, and in the same year Mr. Arthur 
 Wood produced at the Olympic a comic paraphrase of 
 " Paul and Virginia." It was in 1870, too, that Messrs. 
 Eldred and Paulton turned out, at Liverpool, " The Gay 
 Musketeers," which was followed at the Strand in 187 1 by 
 " The Three Musket-Dears " of Messrs. J. and H. Paulton. 
 Of the " Monte Cristo Junior " of Messrs. " Richard Henry " 
 I shall have something to say anon. 
 
 Dividing Song for the moment into Poem and Ballad, we 
 note that the poems of Lord Byron have been the inspiring 
 cause of at least four notable burlesques. His lordship's 
 " Don Juan " suggested the " Beautiful Haidee " of 
 H. J Byron (1863) and the "Don Juan Junior" of the 
 " Brothers Prendergast" (1880) ; while his " Corsair " is the 
 basis of William Brough's " Conrad and Medora " (Lyceum, 
 
202 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 1856), and his " Bride of Abydos" prompted the piece with 
 the same title which H. J. Byron wrote for the Strand 
 Theatre. In "Conrad and Medora" Miss Marie Wilton 
 was " the Little Fairy at the Bottom of the Sea/' the title- 
 parts being given to Miss Woolgar and Mrs. Charles Dillon, 
 and that of Birbanto to Mr. Toole. The Bride of Abydos 
 — Zuleika — had Miss Oliver for her representative. 
 
 With Byron it seems natural to associate his friend Tom 
 Moore, whose " Lalla Rookh " has had exceptional favour 
 with the parodists. Four of these have been fascinated by 
 her charms — Mr. J. T. Denny in 1885, Mr. Horace Lennard 
 in the previous year, Vincent Amcotts in 1866, and last, 
 but not least, William Brough (at the Lyceum) in 1857. It 
 was to be expected that, when travestying Moore, Brough 
 should parody " The Minstrel Boy," and so we have from 
 him the following lines, sung by Miss Woolgar as 
 Feramorz : — 
 
 The minstrel boy through the town is known, 
 
 In each quiet street you'll find him, 
 With his master's organ— it is ne'er his own, 
 
 And his monkey led behind him. 
 " Straw laid down ! " cries the minstrel boy, 
 
 *' Some sick man here needs quiet ; 
 * Bobbin' around ' will this house annoy, 
 
 At any rate, I'll try it ! " 
 
 The minstrel grinds, and his victims pay ; — 
 
 To his claims he's forced compliance ! 
 To the poet's study then he takes his way — 
 
 To the men of art and science. 
 And cries, " My friends, in vain you'd toil 
 
 At books, at pen, or easel ; 
 One roving vagabond your work shall spoil,"- 
 
 lie plays " Pop goes the Weasel." 
 
BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 203 
 
 Elsewhere, Namouna, the Peri, gave utterance to the 
 following reflections on the levelling power of love * : — 
 
 Love makes all equal — scorns of rank the rules ; 
 Makes kings and beggars equal— equal fools. 
 Love brings (distinctions overboard all pitcbin') 
 The low-born peeler to the grandee's kitchen ; 
 Makes the proud heiress of paternal acres 
 Smile kindly on the young man from the baker's. 
 Kings vi'ill forget their state at love's dictation, 
 Cabmen their rank, and railway-guards their station. 
 Love makes the housemaid careless — masters wroth. 
 And makes too many cooks to spoil their broth. 
 
 In this piece Mrs. Charles Dillon was the Lalla Rookh, and 
 Mr. Toole represented " a fabulous personage, not found in 
 the poem," called Khorsanbad. 
 
 One, at least, of our burlesque writers — Mr. Gilbert 
 Arthur a'Beckett— has had the courage to tackle a poem 
 of Coleridge; to wit, his " Christabel," from which, how- 
 ever, Mr. A'Beckett derived only certain suggestions for 
 his work. In his "Christabel, or the Bard Bewitched," 
 represented at the Court in 1872, the Bard, Bracy, was 
 played by Mr. Righton, who made a special feature of a 
 travestie of Mr. Irving in "The Bells." He pretended 
 that he had murdered a muffin-man, and that, consuming 
 all he could of the muffins left in the man's basket, he 
 had deposited the remainder in the area. Miss Nelly 
 Bromley was the Christabel. 
 
 Scott's " Lady of the Lake " gave Mr. Reece the idea 
 for a burlesque performed at the Royalty in 1866. In the 
 
 * Reminding one of H. J. Byron's couplet : — 
 
 Love levels all — it elevates the clown, 
 And often brings the fattest people down. 
 
204 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 same year Andrew Halliday brought out at the Adelphi a 
 comic piece, happily entitled " The Mountain Dhu, or 
 the Knight, the Lady, and the Lake." Mr. Toole was the 
 impersonator of the Mountain Dhu, Paul Bedford the 
 Douglas, Miss Hughes the Malcolm Graeme, Miss Woolgar 
 (Mrs. Mellon) the Fitzjames, and Miss Furtado the Lady 
 of the Lake. " The Lady of the Lane " was the title given 
 by H. J. Byron to the travestie from his pen which saw 
 the light at the Strand in 1872. In this case Mr. Edward 
 Terry was the Roderick and Miss Kate Bishop the Ellen, 
 Mrs. Raymond making a great hit as the demented Blanche. 
 Our present Laureate provoked in 1870 the satiric powers 
 of Mr. W. S. Gilbert, whose " Princess," played at the 
 Olympic, was described by the author as "a whimsical 
 allegory," as well as "a respectful perversion of Mr. 
 Tennyson's poem."* In this production Mr. Gilbert 
 wrote his lyrics to the melodies of popular airs, after the 
 manner of the time. 3 The major portion of the travestie 
 is familiar to present-day audiences as having formed, in 
 the main, the text of " Princess Ida,'' for which Sir Arthur 
 Sullivan composed such charming music. Nevertheless, I 
 cannot refrain from quoting, as a happy specimen of Mr. 
 Gilbert's later manner in burlesque, t the speech addressed 
 
 * Mr. David Fisher was the King Hildebrand, and Miss Maria 
 Simpson (Mrs. W. H. Liston), his son Prince Hilarion ; Miss Augusta 
 Thomson being the Cyril, Miss Mattie Reinhardt the Princess Ida, Miss 
 Fanny Addison the Lady Psyche, Mrs. Poynter the Lady Blanche, and 
 Miss Patti Josephs the Melissa. 
 
 t In a sense, all Mr. Gilbert's comic operas are burlesques, for they 
 are full of travestie, especially of the conventionalities of grand opera 
 and melodrama. At the same time, they cannot be called burlesques 
 in the everyday, theatrical sense of the term. 
 
BURLESQUE OF FICTION AND SONG. 205 
 
 by the Princess to her disciples — a speech marked by 
 agreeable ndivetl and happy mock-heroics : — 
 
 In mathematics Woman leads the way ! 
 
 The narr ow-minded pedant still believes 
 
 That two and two make four ! Why, we can prov e — 
 
 We women , household drudges as We are — 
 
 That two and two make five — or three — or seven — 
 
 Or five-and-twenty, as the case demands ! . . . 
 
 Diplomacy ? The wily diplomate "" 
 
 Is absolutely helpless in our hands : 
 
 He wheedles monarchs — Woman wheedles him ! 
 
 Logic ? . Why, tyrant man himself admits 
 
 It's waste of time to argue with a woman ! 
 
 Then we excel in social qualities — 
 
 Though man professes that he holds our sex 
 
 In utter scorn, I'll undertake to say 
 
 If you could read the secrets of his heart, 
 
 He'd rather be alone with one of you 
 
 Than with five hundred of his fellow-men ! 
 
 In all things we excel. Believing this, 
 
 Five hundred maidens here have sworn to place 
 
 Their foot upon his neck. If we succeed, 
 
 We'll treat him better than he treated us ; 
 
 But if we fail — oh, then let hope fail too ! 
 
 Let no one care one penny how she looks ! 
 
 Let red be worn with yellow — blue with green, 
 
 Crimson with scarlet — violet with blue ! 
 
 Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves 
 
 At inconvenient moments come undone ! 
 
 Let hair-pins lose their virtue ; let the hook 
 
 Disdain the fascination of the eye, — 
 
 The bashful button modestly evade 
 
 The soft embraces of the buttonhole ! 
 
 Let old associations all dissolve, 
 
 Let Swan secede from Edgar — Grant from Gask, 
 
 Sewell from Cross — Lewis from AUenby — 
 
 In other words, let Chaos come again ! 
 
 Into the region of the Ballad the comic playwrights have 
 
2o6 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 made comparatively few incursions. " The Babes in the 
 Wood," "Lord Bateman," "Billy Taylor/' "Villikins and 
 his Dinah," and ** Lord Lovel," — these are the stories 
 which have been most in favour with burlesque purveyors. 
 R. J. Byron took up the first-named subject in 1859, when 
 the company at the Adelphi (where the piece was produced) 
 included Miss Woolgar (Sir Rowland Macassar), Mr. Toole 
 and Miss Kate Kelly (the Babes), Paul Bedford (the First 
 Ruffian), and Mrs. Billington (the Lady Macassar). Then, 
 in 1877, there came a provincial version by Messrs. G. L. 
 Gordon and G. W. Anson; and, next, in 1884, at Toole's 
 Theatre, the "Babes" of Mr. Harry Paulton, in which 
 Mr. Edouin and Miss Atherton were the central figures. 
 The first travestie of " Lord Bateman " was . made by 
 Charles Selby at the Strand in 1839 ^ then there was the 
 production by R. B. Brough in 1854 at the Adelphi; and, 
 still later, there was the piece by H. J. Byron, at the Globe 
 (1869). Passing over the "BillyTaylor"of Buckstone (1829), 
 we arrive at " The Military Billy Taylor " of Mr. Burnand, 
 which came out forty years later. It is to Mr. Burnand, 
 also, that we owe "Villikins and his Dinah," played by 
 amateurs at Cambridge, as well as "Lord Lovel and the 
 Lady Nancy Bell," which he wrote for the same place and 
 performers. 
 
X. 
 
 THE NEW BURLESQUE. 
 
 WITH the year 1885 there dawned a new epoch for 
 stage travestie in England. The old Gaiety com- 
 pany had broken up, Miss Farren alone remaining ; and with 
 the accession of fresh blood there came fresh methods. 
 The manager who had succeeded Mr. Hollingshead recog- 
 nised the tendencies of the times ; and with " Little Jack 
 Sheppard " — a travestie by Messrs. Stephens and Yardley 
 of the well-known story, familiar both in fiction and in 
 drama — a novel departure was made. 
 2^' Tin the " palmy " days, burlesque had not, as a rule, 
 formed the whole of an evening's entertainment. The one- 
 act travestie had grown on occasion into two and even three 
 acts ; but, until recent years, the one act (in several scenes) 
 had usually been deemed sufficient, the remainder of the 
 programme being devoted to comedy or drama. The 
 musical part of the performance had generally been made 
 up of adaptations or reproductions of popular airs of the 
 day — either comic songs or operatic melodies : very rarely 
 had the music been special and original. The scenery had 
 never been particularly remarkable ; nor, save during the 
 various regunes of Vestris, had there been any special splen- 
 
2o8 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 dour in the dresses. For the most part, the old school of 
 burlesque did not rely upon a brilliant mise-en-sdne?^ In the 
 prologue to his "Alcestis," produced just forty-one years 
 ago, we find Talfourd expressly drawing attention to the 
 simplicity of the stage show. Speaking of the productions 
 at the houses of serious drama, he said : — 
 
 Plays of the greatest and the least pretence 
 
 Are mounted so regardless of expense 
 
 That fifty nights is scarce a run accounted — 
 
 Run ! They should gallop, being so well mounted 
 
 But with " Alcestis '' it was to be different : — 
 
 What you enjoy must be all "on the quiet." 
 
 No horse will pull our play up if it drag, 
 
 No banners when our wit is on the flag ; 
 
 No great effects or new-imported dance 
 
 The drooping eye will waken and entrance ; . . . 
 
 But an old story from a classic clime, 
 
 Done for the period into modem rhyme. 
 
 A very different policy was to characterise the New 
 Burlesque^ The pieces, having now become the staple of 
 the night^s amusement, were to be placed upon the boards 
 with all possible splendour. Money was to be spent 
 lavishly on scenery, properties and costumes. Dancing was 
 to be a prominent feature — not the good old-fashioned 
 " breakdowns " and the like, but choregraphic interludes 
 of real grace and ingenuity. The music was to be 
 written specially for the productions, and pains were 
 to be taken to secure artists who could really sing. 
 Something had already been done in each of these direc- 
 tions. So long ago as 1865 Mr. Burnand's "Windsor 
 Forest " had been fitted with wholly new music ; and at 
 
THE NEW BURLESQUE. 209 
 
 the Gaiety, under Mr. Hollingshead, burlesque had grown 
 in elaborateness year by year. Not, however, till the 
 production of "Little Jack Sheppard," in 1885, had the 
 elaboration been so marked and complete in all depart- 
 ments. 
 
 Meanwhile, how were the librettists to be affected? 
 Clearly, they would have to give more opportunities than 
 usual for musical and saltatory illustration ; and accordingly 
 we find the book of " Little Jack Sheppard " full of lyrics 
 — solos, duets, quartetts and choruses, all of them set to 
 new airs by competent composers." At the same time, the 
 authors took care not to omit the element of punning 
 dialogue. In this respect the old traditions were to be 
 maintained. Byron, for instance, might very well have 
 written the lines which follow, in which the interlocutors 
 strive to outdo one another in the recklessness of \h€\x jeux 
 de mots : — 
 
 Thames Darrell. Wild and Uncle Roland trapped me, 
 They caught this poor kid napping^ and kidnapped me ; 
 Put me on board a ship in half a crack. 
 
 Winifred. A ship 1 Oh, what a bloiv ! 
 
 Thames. It was — a smack ! 
 
 When out at sea the crew set me, Thames Darrell, 
 Afloat upon the waves within a barrel. 
 
 Win. In hopes the barrel would turn out your bier. 
 
 Thames. But I'm ^/^^//-hearted and I didn't fear. 
 I nearly died of thirst. 
 
 Win. Poor boy ! Alas ! 
 
 Thames, Until I caught a fish 
 
 Win. What sort ? 
 
 Thames. A bass. 
 
 Then came the worst, which nearly proved my ruin — 
 A storm, a thing I can't a-bear, a breivin\ 
 
 Win, It makes me pale. 
 W.L.-^V. " 14 
 
2IO A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Thames. It made me pale and ail. 
 
 When nearly coopered I descried a sail ; 
 They did not hear me, though I loudly whooped ; 
 Within the barrel I was inned and cooped. 
 All's up, I thought, when round they quickly brought her ; 
 That ship to me of safety was the porter. 
 
 " Little Jack Sheppard "---which had for its chief ex- 
 ponents Miss Farren, Mr. Fred Leslie (a brilliant recruit 
 from the comic opera stage), Mr. David James (who had 
 returned for a time to his old love), Mr. Odell, Miss Harriet 
 Coveney, and Miss Marion Hood (who had graduated 
 in Gilbert-Sullivan opera) — was followed at the Gaiety 
 by " Monte Cristo Junior," in which Messrs. " Richard 
 Henry " presented a bright and vivacious travestie of 
 Dumas' famous fiction, greatly aided by the chic of Miss 
 Farren as the hero, and the inexhaustible humorous 
 resource of Mr. Leslie as Noirtier. Here, for example, 
 is a bit of the scene between these two characters in the 
 Chateau d'lf:— 
 
 {Noirtier^ disguised as Faria, pokes his head through the hole in the 
 prison wall. He wears a long grey beardy and is clad in rags.) 
 
 Danth {startled). This is the rummiest go I e'er heard tell on 1 
 
 Noirtier. Pray.pardon my intrusion, brother felon — 
 I'm Seventy-Seven. 
 
 Dantes. You look it — and the rest ! 
 
 Noirtier {with senile chuckle). Ah ! youth will always have its 
 little jest. 
 My number's Seventy-seven : my age is more ! 
 In point of fact, I've lately turned five score : 
 Time travels on with step that's swift, though stealthy. 
 
 Danth {aside). A hundred years of age ! This prison's healthy, 
 To judge by this old joker, {aloud) What's your name, sir ? 
 To which I'd add — and what's your little game, sir? 
 
 Noirtier. My name is Faria — I'm a ruined Abbe — 
 All through my country's conduct, which was shabby. 
 
THE NEW BURLESQUE. 211 
 
 They've kept me here since I was three years old, 
 
 Because I wouldn't tell of untold gold — 
 
 Of countless coin and gems and heaps of treasure 
 
 Which I'd discovered in my baby leisure — 
 
 {chuckles) But we will foil their schemes, and that ere long. 
 
 Danth {aside^ touching forehead significantly). The reverend 
 gentleman has gone quite wrong. 
 
 Noirtier {clutching Danth wildly). But, ah, they starve me ! 
 Hence thy strange misgiving — 
 For what's a parson, boy, without his living ? 
 Hast e'er a bone to give an old man squalid ? 
 
 Danti's. Not me ! They never give us nothing solid ; 
 They seem to think an appetite's unlawful : 
 In fact, their bill of fare is fairly awful. 
 
 Noirtier. But now to business ! You must know, fair youth. 
 Though I in prison lie, I love the truth. 
 
 Therefore But stay {glancing suspiciously around) — are we 
 
 alone ? 
 
 Danth. Of course we are, old guy fox 1 {business). 
 
 Noirtier. Then now I will confess my little game. 
 
 {Re7?ioves zvigy beard ^ rags^ etc., and appears in convict dress, with 
 [77] conspicuously marked on breast.) 
 
 And so, behold ! 
 
 Danth. What 1 Noirtier? 
 
 Noirtier. The same ! 
 
 Here, again, is the duet sung by the same characters in 
 the course of the same scene : — 
 
 I. 
 
 Danth. Here in this gloomy old Chateau d'lf 
 We don't get beer, and we don't get beef. 
 
 Noirtier. They never give us mutton or veal or pork, 
 On which to exercise knife and fork. 
 
 Danth. No nice spring chicken, or boiled or roast — 
 No ham-and-eggs, and no snipe-on-toast ! 
 
 Noirtier. So no wonder we're rapidly growing lean 
 On the grub served up from the prison cuisine. 
 
 ( With treadmill business^ 
 
ii2 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Both, Poor prisoners we ! Poor prisoners we ! 
 With skilly for breakfast and dinner and tea, 
 And such dismal diet does not agree 
 
 Noirtier, With Seventy-seven ! 
 
 Danth. And Ninety-three ! 
 
 {Grotesque pas de deux, 
 
 II. 
 
 Danth. Our wardrobe has long since run to seed, 
 For ci-devant swells we are sights indeed I 
 
 Noirtier. I shiver and shake, and the creeps I've got — 
 I'd give the world for a " whiskey hot ! " 
 
 Dantes. And as in my lonely cell I lie, 
 I think of her and the by-and-by. 
 
 Noirtier. Don't buy or sell, or you'll come to grief, 
 And never get out of the Chateau d'lf ! 
 
 Both. Poor prisoners we I etc. {Dance as before.') 
 
 After " Monte Cristo Junior " there came, at the same 
 
 theatre and from the pens of the same writers, a travestie of 
 
 "Frankenstein," produced in 1887, with Miss Farren as 
 
 the hero, and Mr. Leslie as the Monster that he fashions. 
 
 Here much ingenuity was shown in the management of the 
 
 pseudo-supernatural business connected with the Monster. 
 
 Previous to the vivifying of the figure, Frankenstein thus 
 
 sohloquised : — 
 
 Frankenstein. At last I am alone— now let me scan 
 My wondrous figure fashioned like a man. 
 All is now ready — every joint complete, 
 And now to oil the works — and then — toute suite ! 
 O Science ! likewise Magic ! lend a hand 
 To aid the awful project I have planned. 
 {Sings) I've invented a figure 
 Of wonderful vigour, 
 
 A gentleman-help, so^ to speak ; 
 A chap automatic 
 Who'll ne'er be erratic, 
 
 Who'll live upon nothing a week 
 
THE NEW BURLESQUE. 213 
 
 It will fetch and will carry, 
 And won't want to marry, 
 
 Or try on the wage-raising plan ; 
 It will do all my bidding 
 , Without any kidding— 
 
 My Patent Mechanical Man. 
 Now to my cell I'll post with due cell-erity, 
 And do a deed that shall astound post-erity. 
 But thrills of horror now run through my veins. 
 What if I fail in spite of all my pains ? 
 A nameless dread doth in my bosom lurk. 
 My scheme is good — but what if it won't work ? 
 
 The Monster's first utterances were as follows : — 
 
 Monster. Where am I ? also what — or which — or who ? 
 What is this feeling that is running through 
 My springs— or, rather, joints ? — I seem to be 
 A comprehensive (^feeling joints) joint-stock companee ; 
 
 My Veins — that's if they are veins — seem to glow 
 
 I've muscles— yea — in quarts — I move them — so ! 
 {Creaks horribly all over : fiddle business in orchestra.) 
 Horror ! I've broken something, I'm afraid ! 
 What's this material of which I'm made ? 
 It seems to be a sort of clay — combined 
 With bits of flesh and wax — I'm well designed — 
 To see, to move, to speak I can contrive — 
 I wonder if I really am alive ! 
 {Sings) If my efforts are vain and I can't speak plain, 
 
 Don't laugh my attempts to scorn ! 
 For, as will be seen, I am but a machine 
 
 Who doesn't yet know if he's born. 
 I can move my feet in a style rather neat. 
 
 And to waggle my jaws I contrive ; 
 I can open my mouth from north to south, 
 
 I — I — wonder if I'm a-live, a-live ! 
 I wonder if I'm a-live ! 
 
 In 1888 Mr. G. R. Sims and Mr. Henry Pettitt joined 
 forces in burlesque, and the result was seen in a piece happily 
 
214 ^ BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 entitled " Faust up to Date." In this version Marguerite 
 (Miss Florence St. John) figures first as a barmaid at an 
 Exhibition. She is a young lady of some astuteness, though 
 she insists upon her general ingenuousness : — 
 
 I'm a simple little maid, 
 
 Of the swells I am afraid, 
 I tell them when they're forward they must mind what they're about. 
 
 I never go to balls, 
 
 Or to plays or music-halls. 
 And my venerated mother always knows when I am out. 
 
 When I leave my work at night, 
 
 I never think it right 
 To talk to any gentleman I haven't seen before. 
 
 But I take a 'bus or tram. 
 
 Like the modest girl I am, 
 For I know that my big brother will be waiting at the door. 
 
 Martha introduces herself thus : — 
 
 I'm Martha, and my husband's never seen ; 
 
 Though fifty, my complexion's seventeen. 
 
 In all the versions I 've one rdle to play, 
 
 To mind Miss Marguerite while h^xfreres away. 
 
 You ask me why she don't live with her mother. 
 
 And I reply by asking you another — 
 
 Where is my husband ? I oft wonder if 
 
 The public know he left me in a tiff, 
 
 And not a single word from him I've heerd 
 
 Since Marguerite's motlier also disappeared. 
 
 Not that I draw conclusions — oh dear, no ! 
 
 The gents who wrote the opera made them go. 
 
 And Goethe lets a gentleman in red 
 
 Inform me briefly my old man is dead. 
 
 These details show my character's not shady — 
 
 I am a widow and a perfect lady. 
 
 When Valentine returns home and hears the scandal 
 
THE NEW BURLESQUE. 215 
 
 about his sister, he breaks out into the following terrific 
 curse : — 
 
 When to the drawing-room you have to go, 
 With arms all bare and neck extremely low, 
 For four long hours in biting wind and snow, 
 May you the joys of England's springtime know ! 
 Whene'er you ride, or drive a prancing pair, 
 May the steam roller meet you everywhere ! 
 When thro' the Park you wend your homeward way, 
 Oh, may it be a Home Rule gala day ! 
 When for a concert you have paid your gold, 
 May Mr. Sims Reeves have a dreadful cold ! 
 May you live where, through lath-and-plaster walls. 
 Come loud and clear the next-door baby's squalls! 
 Your husband's mother, when you are a wife, 
 Bring all her cats, and stay with you for life ! 
 
 At the end, when Mephistopheles (Mr. E. J. Lonnen) 
 comes to claim P aust, it turns out that Faust and Marguerite 
 have been duly married, but have been obliged to conceal 
 the fact because Marguerite was a ward in Chancery. 
 Moreover, Old Faust reappears, and insists that, as it was 
 he who signed the bond, it is he and not young Faust who 
 ought to suffer for it. 
 
 ** Faust up to Date '' includes some clever songs and 
 some excruciating puns, of which these are perhaps the 
 most excruciating : — 
 
 Marg. These sapphires are the finest I have seen. 
 Faust. Ah ! what I've sapphired for your sake, my queen ! 
 Marg. An opal ring, they say, bad luck will be ; 
 This one I opal not do that for me. 
 
 Again : — 
 
 Mephis. Along the Riviera, dudes her praises sing. 
 Val. Oh, did you Riviera such a thing ? 
 
2i6 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE, 
 
 " Atalanta," the travestie by Mr. G. P. Hawtrey brought 
 out at the Strand in 1888, was fitted with prose dialogue, 
 much of which was very smart and amusing. The songs 
 were numerous and well-turned, and certain details of the 
 travestie were ingenious. Hippomenes, the hero, wins the 
 race he runs with Atalanta, by placing in her path a brand- 
 new "costume," of modern cut and material, which she 
 finds it impossible not to stop for. For the rest, while 
 possessing a decidedly " classical " flavour, " Atalanta " was, 
 in essence, a racing burlesque, abounding in the phraseology 
 of the turf, and introducing in the last scene counterfeit 
 presentments of a number of well-known sportsmen. 
 
 An agreeable cynicism ran through both the talk and the 
 lyrics, from one of which — a duet between King Schoeneus 
 and his High Chamberlain, Lysimachus — I extract the 
 following satire on turf morale : — 
 
 Lys. There's a time to win and a time to lose. 
 Sch. Of course, of course, of course. 
 
 Lys. You can make 'em safe whenever you choose — 
 Sch, By force, by force, by force. 
 
 Lys. Then doesn't it seem a sin and a shame 
 
 To stop such a pleasant and easy game ? 
 
 If a horse doesn't win, why, who is to blame? 
 Sch» The horse, the horse, the horse. 
 
 Lys. If it's cleverly managed, I always think — 
 Sch, Proceed, proceed, proceed — 
 
 Lys. At a neat little swindle it's proper to wink. 
 Sch. Indeed, indeed, indeed ! 
 
 I don't understand what it's all about ; 
 But a man must be punished, I have no doubt, 
 If he's such a fool as to get found out. 
 Lys. Agreed, agreed, agreed. 
 
THE NEW BURLESQUE. 217 
 
 Lys. It's all because jockeys have played such tricks — 
 
 Sch. They go too far, too far. 
 
 Lys. That the stewards are down like a thousand of bricks — 
 
 Sch. They are, they are, they are. 
 
 For a season or two, you'll observe with pain, 
 They'll hunt out abuses with might and main ; 
 Then the good old times will come back again. 
 Hurrah, huiTah, hurrah ! 
 
 Elsewhere, there is a diverting bit of parody suggested 
 by the extreme cautiousness and bad grammar of some 
 newspaper racing prophecies. Hippomenes and Atalanta 
 are the sole competitors in the race, and the local " tipster " 
 thus discusses their prospects : — 
 
 I have from time to time gone through the chances of the several 
 competitors, so that to repeat what I have written is to go over very 
 well-worn ground. Although the race is reduced to a match, it has lost 
 none of its interest in the eyes of the public. It is a difficult race to 
 meddle with, but the plunge must be made ; I shall, therefore, give my 
 vote to Atalanta, which, if beaten, it may be by Hippomenes. 
 
 Of " Joan of Arc," the " operatic burlesque " written by 
 Messrs. J. L. Shine and "Adrian Ross" to music by Mr. 
 Osmond Carr (Opera Comique, 1891), the distinguishing 
 feature — apart from the fact that the music is all original 
 and all the work of one composer — is the neatness of 
 the lyric writing, with which special pains appear to have 
 been taken. Of Joan herself her father is made to sing as 
 follows : — 
 
 Oh, there's nobody adepter 
 
 Than our Joan, Joan, Joan ! 
 She is born to hold a sceptre 
 
 On a throne, throne, throne ; 
 She's the head of all her classes, 
 And in fervour she surpasses 
 All the Hallelujah lasses, 
 
 As they own, own, own ! 
 
2i8 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 Don't call her preaching dull, for 
 
 It is not, not, not ! 
 She can do Salvation sulphur 
 
 Hot and hot, hot, hot ! 
 She can play the drum and cymbal, 
 With her fingers she is nimble. 
 And the pea beneath the thimble 
 
 She can spot, spot, spot. 
 
 She can tell you by your faces 
 
 What you'll do, do, do ; 
 She can give you tips for races 
 
 Good and new, new, new ! 
 She can cut a martial swagger. 
 She's a dab at sword and dagger, 
 And will fight without a stagger 
 
 Till all's blue, blue, blue ! ' 
 
 Of all the songs in the piece, however, perhaps the most 
 vivacious is that in which De Richemont (Mr. Arthur 
 Roberts) describes how he " went to find Emin " : — 
 
 Oh, I went to find Emin Pasha, and started away for fun, 
 
 With a box of weeds and a bag of beads, some tracts and a Maxim gun ; 
 
 My friends all said I should come back dead, but I didn't care a pin, 
 
 So I ran up a bill and I made my will, and I went to find Emin ! 
 
 I went to find Emin, I did, I looked for him far and wide, 
 
 I found him right, I found him tight, and a lot of folks beside ; 
 
 Away through Darkest Africa, though it cost me lots of tin, 
 
 For without a doubt I'd find him out, when I went to find Emin ! 
 
 Then I turned my face to a savage place, that is called Boulogne-sur- 
 
 Mer, 
 Where the natives go on petit s chevaux and the gay cheinin defer ; 
 And the girls of the tribe I won't describe, for I'm rather a modest man. 
 They are poor, I suppose, for they're short of clothes, when they take 
 
 what they call ies bains ! 
 And they said to me, " Oh, sapristi ! " and the men remarked, ''^ Sucre! " 
 And vive la gi^erre aux pommes de terre, and vingt minutes d^arrit ! 
 
• THE NEW BURLESQVE, 219 
 
 Voulez'vous du bodiif ? f ai huit ! f ai netifl till they deafened me with 
 
 their din, 
 So I parlez'A bon soir and said au revoir, for I had to find Emin ! 
 
 And at last I found Emin, poor chap, in the midst of the nigger bands 
 Who daily prowl, with horrible howl, along the Margate sands ; 
 I heard the tones of the rattling bones, and I hurried down to the beach — 
 Full well I know that they will not go till you give them sixpence each ! 
 Said they, " Uncle Ned, oh ! he berry dead, and de banjo out ob tune ! 
 Oh ! doodah, day ! hear Massa play de song of de Whistling Coon ! 
 If you ain't a snob, you'll give us a bob for blacking our blooming skin" — 
 But I took that band to the edge of the sand, and there I dropped 'Emin ! 
 
 I have not thought it necessary, in the preceding pages, 
 to offer any apology for stage burlesque. One must regret 
 that it sometimes lacks refinement in word and action, 
 and that in the matter of costume it is not invariably 
 decorous ; but that we shall always have it with us, in some 
 form or other, may be accepted as incontrovertible, f So long 
 as there is anything extravagant in literature or manners — 
 in the way either of simplicity or of any other quality — so 
 long will travestie find both food and scope. That is the 
 raison d'etre of theatrical burlesque — that it shall satirise 
 the exaggerated and the extreme. It does not wage war 
 against the judicious and the moderate. As H. J. Byron 
 once wrote of his own craft : — 
 
 Though some may scout it, . . . 
 Burlesque is like the winnowing machine : 
 It simply blows away the husks, you know — 
 The goodly corn is not moved by the blow. 
 What arrant rubbish of the clap -trap school 
 Has vanished — thanks to pungent ridicule ! 
 What stock stage-customs, nigh to bursting goaded. 
 With so much "blowing up " have been exploded ! 
 Had our light writers done no more than this, 
 Their doggrel efforts scarce had been amiss. 
 
220 A BOOK OF BURLESQUE. 
 
 In this defence of his calling, Byron had been anticipated 
 by Planche, who, in one of his occasional pieces, introduced 
 the following passage, in which Mr. and Mrs. Wigan and 
 the representatives of Tragedy and Burlesque all figured. 
 When Burlesque entered. Tragedy cried out — 
 
 Avaunt, and quit my sight ! let the earth hide thee. 
 Unreal mockery, hence ! I can't abide thee ! 
 
 Burlesque. Because I fling your follies in your face, 
 And call back all the false starts of your race, 
 Show up your shows, affect your affectation, 
 And by such homoeopathic aggravation, 
 Would cleanse your bosom of that perilous stuff 
 "Which weighs upon our art — bombast and puff. 
 
 Mr. Wigan. Have you so good a purpose, then, in hand ? 
 
 Burlesque, Else wherefore breathe I in dramatic land? 
 
 Mrs. Wigan. I thought your aim was but to make us laugh 
 
 Burlesque. Those who think so but understand me half. 
 Did not my thrice-renowned Thomas Thumb, 
 That mighty mite, make mouthing Fustian dumb? 
 Is Tilburina's madness void of matter ? 
 Did great Bombastes strike no nonsense flatter? 
 When in his words he 's not one to the wise, 
 When his fool's bolt spares folly as it flies. 
 When in his chaff there's not a grain to seize on, 
 When in his rhyme there's not a grain of reason, 
 His slang but slang, no point beyond the pun. 
 Burlesque may walk, for he will cease to run. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 Printed by HsucU, Watson, & Viney, Ld., London and Aylesbury. 
 
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 purpose, it is scarcely possible to accept wholly the form in which she has 
 urged and illustrated her views ; still we must respect and admire the talent 
 with which she pleads the cause she has so much at heart. . . . The tale is 
 well written, vigorous, and interesting." — Life. 
 
 BY MRS. A. S. BRADSHAW. 
 
 WIFE OR SLAVE? 
 
 By the Author of "A Crimson Stain," etc. Second Edition. Crown 
 8vo, cloth, 2s. 
 
 "This story, which has no small merit as a work of imagination, makes its 
 more direct appeal as a fictional presentment of the arguments for advancing 
 the legal status of women, and making marriage a ' co-operation ' rather than 
 a 'despotism.'" — Scotsman. 
 
 LONDON: HENRY & CO., 6, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C., 
 
 And at all Libraries and Booksellers'. 
 
THIS BOOK IS i>UE ON THE. LAST DATE 
 STAMPED BELOW ^ * 
 
 AN INITIAL FINE OF 25 CENTS 
 
 WILL BE ASSESSED FOR FAILURE TO RETURN 
 THIS BOOK ON THE DATE DUE. THE PENALTY 
 WILL INCREASE TO SO CENTS ON THE FOURTH 
 DAY AND TO $1.00 ON THE SEVENTH DAY 
 OVERDUE. 
 
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 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY