PS I7S8 G.728/ THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES The Last Cruise of the "National" OR The People's Revenge. BY Presenting Personal, Perhaps Pointed, Possibly Pleasant Pen Por traits Pertaining to Prominent Paint People Plainly Painted by a Poor Poetizer. Perusers Please Pardon Personalities, Puffs, Peculiarities; Poets (?) Possess Peculiar Privileges Passing Private Persons. Read at Annual Meeting of Paint and Oil Club of New England, at Young's Hotel, Boston, Oct. 7, 1893- f S S JL The night was cold and gloomy, grim Silence reigned Supreme, Except the cricket's chirping, or whip-poor-will's weird scream. Twas just the night for sleeping with rest for troubled mind, So free from care and worry, at peace with all mankind. But neither came in fullness to me that gruesome- night ; For dreams were omnipresent from dusk to early light. Fantastic, strange and cheerful : to me so real and true, That with your kind indulgence, I'll now relate to you. I'd heard so much of yachting, (some of it so dreary,) "Volunteer" and "Vigilant," last of all "Val-kyr-ie," Courageous Lord Dunraven, (done brown he may go back) No wonder that my dreaming should take an ocean tack. I saw a large steam vessel, the billows bravely breasting, Good old name the "National" on pennant calmly resting. In some boats, keels are leaden : this one much talked about Had hull and decks of metal: in fact was lead throughout. 'Tis strange she floats at all well, for lead is never light, Especially the Common, which may go out of sight ; For snags in Pools of Wall Street do added dangers lend ; And when these, the boat can't pass, she II pass the dividend. 76^965 Some boats fear Jersey lightning : this one hates Jersey Zinc; She'd be supremely happy, could she the latter sink. By nature she is piggish ; from "Pig Lead" she descends, "Pig Silver" is her cousin, "Pig Iron" 'mongst her friends. The "National" is greedy; not only "wants the earth," But yearns for wind and wafer, especially at birth. It cost some ninety millions on paper I am told, But worth at summer prices just ten of them in gold. It's cheap at this quotation : they own the big "Atlantic" With "Brooklyn" and "Saint Louis." It makes their rivals frantic. All "Penn-syl-va-nia" too, "Missouri" to my knowledge, And "Ulster" in the woods; "Cornell" but not the college. They even own the "Union" "America(n)" as well (I don't believe the rumor : they own a part of H 1 ?) They'll not deny this statement, that way up in the sky They run the "Southern Crescent." Now how is that for high ?" The Lead men were not foolish, for in their race for wealth They kept a good sharp lookout, for pleasure and for health. They first would do some mining, then "Smelting" just for fun, Then "buckle" down to labor, hot melting work when done. When cares of life "corroded" a process very slow, They took a good long resting their beds all in a row. This proved a transformation from "pigs" to perfect white But needed careful washing to bear angelic light. Should sickness ever happen their earthly lives to blight, (We all know lead's a poison whenever not used right ) Their sovereign panacea for faintness, cramp or boil, Is "Red Seal" brand so famous, of purest Castor Oil. I'll leave the boat a moment and tell of those aboard, And give to brains and fashion, the time I can afford ; If all of them I mention, my story would be long, So I will tell of persons who stand out bold and strong. The Commodore was Thompson. Oh ! how those Thompsons thrive ! Would you think that on that yacht, of Thompsons there were five! His word is law to most men at least that's what I'm told, For he has led an army a Colonel brave and bold. His eye is like the eagle's, his manner suave and cool, Knows when to talk or listen, and never breaks the rule. Of all the leaden leaders, the first is Colonel T. His early school was Standard, which taught him A. B. C. Some call this yacht a "Collier;" on "Cole" it does depend When wind and tide are lacking, to gain its journey's end. Some think "La Cole" is haughty, while others call him nice. I think he could be wicked because he's First in Vice. The craft will "Rock-well" surely in linseed oil or pulp, And what he advertises is swallowed at one gulp. Tis said that he's the real man who furnishes the light To flash out other's failings, while he's as dark as night. " Reginald P. Rowe" was there, in uniform so grand, Of red and white and orange, which bore the Brooklyn brand ; That he is lean in body don't trouble him a bit, For what he lacks in fatness, he gains in brains and wit. Another, "R. R. Colgate" of family well known, Most generous and worthy by benefactions shown. "Duc-de-Morley" Cleveland's pet with medals on his breast- Young Carpenter was teaching a saint among the blest. The leaders cried with vigor, "our yacht a fortress lacks," "Fortmeyer" was selected, repelling all attacks. Of big guns there were many, the biggest one in name Director General "Goshorn" he of Centennial fame. Young "Beale" drove down from "Lenox" with "Lewis' " team so white And slept in "Davis' Chambers," with "Armstrong" over night. A ship without a "Shipman" a rarity would be, And so they brought him Eastward from Michigan's fresh sea. The "High Priest" was "Saint Stevens" who, perched upon his roost Would preach to all the salesmen to give their sales a boost. One text was "Tinting Colors," another "Pure White Lead, I wish he'd preach on this one : "the fools are not all dead." Some "Eckstein" men deserted and fixed the "Eagle" up, And soon they made it "Swift"-er in hopes to win the cup. The "Eckstein" spirit liveth, and "Phoenix "-like will rise To cheer the leaden-hearted and help them win the prize. "McBirneys" and "McChesney," "McKelvey" and "McCoy" Were singing of "McGinty," in tones so full of joy. They were so very joyous, you'd think they're on a bat; Such stories are malicious; they "knew where they were at." "Davison" and "Frothingham," "Muir" and "Phillips" too, With "Davis"' "Engineering" to put the business through. Friend "Wells" and " Baymer-Bauman " came from Monongahela. One sent his resignation some thought it was a feeler. I guess he's left for certain perhaps has sold his stock, Another boat may order and gather in his flock. Friend " Smith " may be commander a man of " Sterling " worth, Who, though he lives in Pittsburg, yet does not want tbe earth. " John Steenken " sold his " Ulster " which covered him so well While " Goshorn " cast the "Anchor " which he had helped to sell. I don't know just the reason, to me it is a riddle That they, like many others, should play the second fiddle. Friend " Bradley " was not present nor " Alexander Huston," They'd left the staunch old vessel, another perch to roost on, " Prince James " had left it also the " Eagle " now commanding A race between the rivals he soon may be demanding. I saw a little scrimmage with "Duke of Huston's" yacht, The latter lost his bearings and finally was caught ; His threatening days were over, he begged they'd let him in ; The Lead men couldn't see it : they "had no use for him." Twas very soon thereafter, another boat came up, Just puffing like a porpoise to win the leaden cup. This one called "Colonel Carter" (of dear old Cartersville) Was made by process novel, Nebraska paid the bill. The boat in white was painted, and covered lots of space ; When wind and weather followed, it was not in the race. It must have time allowance, or else it can't compete, The coming, closing contest will compass its defeat. Eastern boats were "all at sea" so "Tufts" was sent to "Sail'em." Be the " We(a)ther-ill " or good, he ne'er was known to fail 'em Except on "Forest River" the "Chadwick" fort to beat, When uncle "Joey" laid him upon a leaden sheet. This pleased our "Little Samwell" who with his blushing "Bride" Had many times quite lately the "National" defied. His craft though "Star" is labelled, is not a shining light, And couldn't stand the straining of rough and tumble fight. The "Harrison" a cutter which likes the ocean spray, The " Pioneer " and " Denver " from very far away, The "Dayton" owned by " Gebhardt " not Freddy, but Josiah, The "Suydam" clipper fashioned, and ready for a buyer. These boats from outside makers, have lead guerilla lives; To cut and slash their rivals, had sharpened all their knives. The " National " won't mind them, but when you see her frown Look out for crush and wreckage just like the "Camperdown." 8 The "National" triumphant in contest heretofore, Had now about decided to take the laboring oar; They sailed into the "Smelters" those men who treat the ore The battle was a short one, for it was quickly o'er. They feared the Phantom Vessel of Flying Dutchman make ; The very name "Free Trader" made all the sailors quake. Not so the doughty Colonel, he'd never met defeat, He would take the "English in" and make the "Trust" complete. There now was one remaining of which they were afraid, Ft was the "Jobbers' Steamboat" in red war paint arrayed. It took in all Paint Grinders, and those who make cheap leads, A motley crowd, quite truly, but there were no dead heads. The boat was ten feet longer than Cunard's latest flyer ; It made the sailors joyous, yet roused the Colonel's ire. He couldn't cut the vessel, so cut his price one half; The paint men didn't worry, it only made them laugh. This yacht so fair and wonderous was named the "Never-die" The very finest vessel that golden coin could buy. Twas manned by noble sailors, and guests full forty score ; I only some can mention, so do not ask for more. " J. Seaver Page" Commander, the rival of Depew, For eloquence and "get there" excelled by very few. Our bold " Ben Moore" the first mate, a man who's bound to rise ; He is bright and true as steel and sure to win a prize. The second mate "Martinez" who's sailed the Spanish Main, And "F. O. Pierce" the purser, whose coming was a gain ; "John Masury" blowed for Rail- Roads, and would not join the throng. "Fred Eliot," "John Lucas," both thought they'd come along. "Charles Richardson," the Chaplain, who would reform the world ; Now from his lofty pulpit anathemas he hurled At fallen Southern angels, whose spirits we were told, Instead of gauge or measure, by weighing should be sold. There's "Waterall" the Quaker: his name would be just fine To start a speculation in milk or whiskey line. A "Shoemaker" was pegging I really think he must Have found the shoe was pinching, so left the Leather Trust. "Jake Hoffman " said he'd bet on "Dolson" in "Futurity;" He knew she'd beat in time the celebrated "Purity." The Lowell "Adams" tried to drive away all strife, While "Conklin" of New York, made the "effort of his life." 10 "Raynolds & Devoe" concern, Directors nearly ten, (Including dear old "Molineaux," the very best of men) Came with dashing "Lavanburg" and "Charley Bergmann," sure, While "Deacon Briggs," from Boston, came on to keep things pure. "George Vrooman" from Chicago, and "Cary Ogden" too And "Cutler," Kansas City, with "Whitelaw" from Saint Lou, "Tom Wetherell" so handsome the " Felton-Sibley crowd," With "Colonel Rice," were talking so genial yet proud. "George Lambert Gould" of Boston was only there in spirit, And this I can say truly, for / was there to hear it. "Will Cutler" was among them, and he was there to work His Lexicon of Living has no such word as shirk. "George Dexter" had to leave us on lengthy course of travel, "Ed Nash" had come from Boston, the cares of life to ravel, While "Winslow" was so seasick, he had to throw it up I mean his honest purpose to help to win the cup. "Buck French" of Quaker City, a "combination led," It didn't win the contest, but came quite near the head. Our old friend "Wheeler" furnished some passing observations On how to run the steamer, and closed with resolutions. 11 The mild and genial "Agge" was perfectly unruffled, If ever he gets angry it certainly is muffled. The keen and bright-eyed "Robbins" on whom we can depend Was thick with "Chilton" "Warren" who's everybody's friend. Lord "Wolsey" came from "Jersey" to argue with the "King," The "Abbot" left Chicago religious news to bring; While "Page and Krause" Saint Louis, had left their yacht "Barytes" To help their true companions, and show them what their white is. The Springfield "Village Hampden," met "Lewis" for a time, The latter left the "National" for something more "sublime." While "Kellogg" BurTalo, and "Birdsall" Indiana, For the "Never-die" hurrahed, in hearty Hoosier manner. The Wellesley "Woods" were greenish, yet most of them "Live Oaks" From Saint Paul, "Noyes and Cutler" came on to see the folks. I saw the pleasant "Pigott," "Fred Gunnison" so neat; And John and Ed, his brother, the "Woods" of Sudbury Street. The sturdy elder "Cutler," the worthy "father "Gould" Were both on deck to sanction the way the youngsters ruled ; While "Johnnie Briggs" the younger, of olden block a chip Was telling "Means and Thacher" how he would sail the ship. 12 Our "Brownell" friend so worthy from Parker House had come Though paints he is not pushing, on talking he is "some." I saw the steady " Coburn " Vice-Presidential Star, And also " Frank L. Watson," who came with " Albert Carr." The latter (not a paint man) was brought to oil the way, While Portland "Cook" was raking alliterative "Hay" "Carruth" and "John F. Phillips" were out for "Bird's" eye views, While "Pratt" the whiting maker was there to get the news. "John Howe" approved the project though kept at home quite ill, But sent along "Fred Francais" who tried to fill the bill. I saw the whole-souled "Felton" but "Taylor" held aloof, Of course I saw "New England" and "Spooner's" "Waterproof." I saw a crowd of yachtsmen as near the stern I looked A "Bacheller," who's married and "Fish" who'll soon be hooked, And also bright young "Morton" who's joined the Benedicts, Who told the courtly " Rogers " how finely they were fixed. "Detroit" sent its contingent, great talkers for their size, "Mound City" sent a "Hammar" to surely nail the lies, From Albany "McClure" came, and Richmond sent a "Tanner," While Cleveland came out "Strong"ly 'neath "Sherwin-Williams"' banner. There's "Billy Bates" of Boston and "Billy Lucas" too, While "Billy Bird" regretted in dainty "Billet-doux." "Bill King" and "Billy Talbot," indeed all "Billees"' went- Oh no, I have forgotten : there was one "Billy Lent." Amid the ghosts of many who've met financial w'reck I saw old "Silas Lapham" walk up and down the deck, With a "Howell," Colorman, C. H., not William D. So natural yet novel, a close affinity. The Aldermanic "Folsom," "Fred Newton" trim and neat, " Major George O. Carpenter," a wit who's hard to beat Were there with " White " and " Green " (both double-headed names) A country house thus painted will please old-fashioned dames. The handsome "Boston Wiley" left politics and paints The honest "Lucius Turner" was there without complaints I saw the bluff "Tom Nelson" (so often in Japan) Comparing notes with "Howland" a very restful man. The jolly tar "Bob Archer" with bended bow so pure Was aiming -to be pleasant, no effort, I am sure. "Charles Dexter" was quite nervous; we said to him "keep Still" So "Joseph " came on with him, dressed up enough to kill. 14 I saw "protection" "Lawrence" the centre of a group, Tell to their satisfaction why he was "in the soup." "Charles Badger" left his business on pleasuring intent, With "Walter Towne" from City, also on pleasure bent. The only "Hyde" was absent (there was no Dr. Jekyl) Near the gangway, bag in hand, stood omnipresent "'Zek'el :" He came with "Rich Aquila," (so like Napoleon Third), They did not dare talk Varnish, and so said not a word. The "Smith & Kline & French"men and "Childs" get little pay, In all their Naval Contracts "they'd give themselves away." "Sam King" was much excited a yachtsman to the core, If "National" should triumph, he'd "never go there more." I did not find young " Wadsworth," though all the names I read : The same is true of "Alsberg," who "Wheeler" sent instead. And " Richardson " the younger not a preacher he, Was there with "Charlie Trainer" to sing the "Jubilee." The ancient house of "Tiemann" was represented well, While "Ansbacher" was "Eger" his colored wares to sell. The "Senior" from Chicago joined "Allston" in a game With "Woodward" and "George Goodhue," who "got there all the same." 15 Then there was steadfast " Rockwood " who never puts on lugs ; He turned to "Page" for learning 'bout anilines and drugs. I plainly saw "George Kirby," who, dressed in sooty black, Was telling "Charley Oilman," that painter's trade was slack. I saw "A. D. McClellan" a lawyer we can trust, A good warm-hearted mortal, though mixed with "Marble" dust; Behold the "Count Asbestos" who, strange to say, is burning To plant on "National" "Johns'" banner ere returning. And lo! "J. Russell Marble" from Worcester came in style, "George Clark" rigged up in oil clothes, told stories by the mile. "Sam Peck" and keen "Ned Williams" were sent by Providence While "Johnson" stayed behind them in "Villa" which he rents. I saw the ruling power of noble " King"-ly House, "Dan Tyler" keen as ever, was arm in arm with "Strauss;" They both looked rather squeamish, so both kept near the rails ; Yet, peering through their glasses, they both looked sharp for sails. One valued friend was troubled, which boat to go upon : To join them both he wanted the shrewd and cautious John : He pondered long upon it, he thought it o'er and o'er ; And when he had decided, the boat was miles from shore. 16 There came a Missionary who talked to all the rest ; He was too awfully perfect, much better than the best. His text, "Supremely Pure" (intended for a leaven) Soon wafted him above us, and took him straight to heaven. No Varnish men were present, for varnish was not used ; I can't begin to tell you how much had been refused : For had we used a gallon on hull or deck or spars, Oh ! how they'd advertise it ! you'd " read it in the stars." The Brush men all were neutral, though bristling o'er with pride, To think that all the parties on them so much relied. They need not feel so "hoggish;" from all their big job lots They have not one to equal this brush between the yachts. There was no room for brokers : no drummers need apply, Not a foot of space was left upon the " Never-die." The "National" discharged them, but kept a few picked men To do patrolling duty, reporting now and then. Tis hard to " down " the drummers, one very rarely dies ; They soon, balloons engaging, (as ever, bound to rise) Were there to watch the Steamboats, see which the other pass ; Their rise this time was owing to fellowship with gas. 17 The boats were soon got ready, to sail in grand review ; The scene was fine, exciting, surpassed by very few ; The referees were present; from New York "Allison," Who, in the "Paint Reporter" a sure success has won. Another, " Van Ness Person " from Windy City came To help along the Paint men perhaps increase his fame. The umpire " Grover Cleveland " whose verdict will be just Unswerved by public clamor : which is, " down with the Trust." The contest was forsaken, for reasons later given : A disappointment sorry, to all the crew who'd striven To make their cherished loved one the " Mistress of the Sea," And with the prize returning all flushed with Victory. The "National" quite strangely, had very careless grown : Passed hindrances unnoticed, which in its path were thrown : It grounded on the Sand-"Ztar" of "Public Sentiment," That sunken rocks were near them, quite soon was evident. It lately passed in safety the dangerous reef of "Law," But thought not of things hidden, which now too late they saw. The jagged rocks were cruel, the waves were mountains high, And no one near to succor the N. L. Company. 18 Their cries so agonizing, a stony heart would rend ; To me, they e'en were crying for help I could not send. I turned away in sorrow and, turning, hit my head : And suddenly awaking I found myself in bed. 1 saw I had been dreaming a perfect pack of lies, For me there was no sleeping, so I must moralize. The Lead men are no sharper than average mortal man ; Indeed, they manage better than some built on this plan. They're all of them good fellows, they're able and polite ; But when it comes to business, it's "might that makes the right." For Number One they labor all hours of the day A natural performance at No. / Broadway. Now Trusts are un-American, and tho' they change their name From Trust to Corporation, they're just about the same ; "Monopoly" their aim is; they know what they're about, Bid high for all their rivals, or they may crush them out. They take the "slice that's buttered," and yet "they have the crust" To claim they help the people! A Philanthropic Trust ! ! They "take the cake" for pushing, and yet it may be so, At last they may like others find "all their cake is dough." 19 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. Form L9-100m-9,'52(A3105)444 LOS 'ANGELES PS Gould - G728 i of the "Nation al." , Hfi S , ( 2 U I H .^ti R . E . GI P.^L LIBRARY FACILITY A A 000035234 4 PS 1758 G728 1