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 MT)C CXCTTT
 
 HUDIBRAS, 
 
 A POEM, 
 IN THREE CANTOS. 
 
 BY 
 
 SAMUEL BUTLER. 
 
 VOL. I. PART I. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED BY T. RICKABY, 
 FOR J. EDWARDS, N" 78, PALL-MALL. 
 
 1793-
 
 O N 
 
 SAMUEL BUTLER, EsQ^ 
 
 Author of HUDIBRAS. 
 
 X HE life of a retired fcholar can furnifli but little matter 
 to the biographer : fuch was the chara6ler of Mr. Samuel 
 Butler, Author of Hudibras. His father, whofe name like- 
 wife was Samuel, had an eftate of his own of about ten pounds 
 yearly, which ftill goes by the name of Butler's Tenement, 
 a Vignette of which may be feen in the Title-page of the 
 firft Volume : he held, likewife, an eftate of three hundred 
 pounds a year under Sir William RufTell, Lord of the manor 
 of Strenfham, in Worcefterfliire.* He was not an ignorant 
 farmer, but wrote a very clerk-like hand, kept the regifter, 
 and managed all the bufmefs of the parifh under the direc- 
 
 * This information came from Mr. Grefley, Redtor of Strenfliam, from the year 1706 to 
 the year 1773, when he died, aged 100 ; fo that he was born fevcn years before the poet 
 died.
 
 11 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 tion of his landlord, near whofe houfe he lived, and from 
 whom, very probably, he and his family received inftruc- 
 tion and alliftance. From his landlord they imbibed their 
 principles of royalty, as Sir William was a moft zealous 
 royalift, and fpent great part of his fortune in the caufe, be- 
 ing the onlyperfon exempted from the benefit of the treaty, 
 when Worcefter furrendered to the parliament in the year 
 1646. Our poet's father was churchwarden of the parilli the 
 year before his fon Samuel was born, and has entered his 
 baptifm, dated February 8, 161 2, with his own hand, in the 
 parilh regifter. He had four fons and three daughters, 
 born at Streniliam; the three daughters, and one fon, older 
 than our poet, and two fons younger : none of his defcend- 
 ants remain in the pariili, though fome of them are faid to be 
 in the neighbouring villages. 
 
 Our author received his hrft rudiments of learning at 
 home ; he was afterwards fent to the College School at Wor- 
 cefter, then taught by Mr. Henry Bright*, prebendary of 
 
 * Mr. Bright is buried in the cathedral church of Worcefter, near the north pillar, at the 
 foot of the fteps which lead to the choir. He was born 1562, appointed fchoolmafter 1586, 
 made prebendary 1619, died 1626. The infcription in capitals, on a mural ftone, now placed 
 in what is called the Biftiop's Chapel, is as follows : 
 
 Mane hofpes et lege, 
 
 Magifter HENRICUS BRIGHT, 
 
 Celeberrimus gymnarfiarcha, 
 
 Qui fcholae regiae iftic fundatas per totos 40 annos 
 
 fumma cum laude praefuit,
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. Ill 
 
 that cathedral, a celebrated fcholar, and many years the 
 famous mafter of the King's School there; one who made 
 his bulinefs his delight; and, though in very eafy circum- 
 flances, continued to teach for the fake of doing good, by 
 benefiting the families of the neighbouring gentlemen, 
 who thought themfelves happy in having their fons in- 
 llrucled by him. 
 
 Quo non alter magis fedulus fuit, fcitufve, ac dexter, 
 
 in Latinis Graecis Hebraicis litteris, 
 
 feliciter edocendis : 
 
 Tefte utraq; academia quam inftruxit afFatim 
 
 numerofa plebe literaria : 
 
 Sed et totidem annis eoq; ampHus theologiam profeffus, 
 
 Et hujus ecclefiae per feptennium canonicus major, 
 
 Saepiffime hie et alibi facrum dei praeconem 
 
 magno cum zelo et fruftu egit. 
 Vir pius, dodlus, integer, frugi, de republica 
 
 deq; ecclefia optime meritus. 
 A laboribus per diu noiftuq; ab anno 1562 
 Ad 1626 ftrenue ufq; exantlatis 
 4° Martii fuaviter requievit 
 in Domino. 
 
 See this epitaph, written by Dr. Jofeph Hall, Dean of Worcefter, in Fuller's Worthies, 
 p. 177. 
 
 I have endeavoured to revive the memory of this great and good teacher, wifliing to ex- 
 cite a laudable emulation in our provincial fchoolmafters ; a race of men, who, if they exe- 
 cute their truft with abilities, indullry, and in a proper manner, deferve the higheft honour 
 and patronage their country can beftow, as they have an opportunity of communicatmg 
 learning, at a moderate expence, to the middle rank of gentry, without the danger of rummg 
 their fortunes, and corrupting their morals or their health : this, though foreign to my prefent 
 purpofe, the refped and aiFedtion I bear to my neighbours extorted from me..
 
 iv ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 How long Mr. Butler continued under his care is not 
 known, but, probably, till he was fourteen years old. 
 Whether he was ever entered at any univerfity is uncertain. 
 His biographer fays he went to Cambridge, but was never 
 matriculated : Wood, on the authority of Butler's brother, 
 fays, the poetfpent fix or feven years there* ; but as other 
 things are quoted from the fame authority, which I believe 
 to be falfe, I fliould very much fufped the truth of this ar- 
 ticle. Some exprellions, in his works, look as if he were 
 acquainted with the cuftoms of Oxford. Courfmg was a 
 term peculiar to that univerfity ; fee Part iii. c. ii. v. 1244. 
 
 Returning to his native country, he entered into the fer- 
 vice of Thomas Jefferies, Efquire, of Earls Croombe, who, 
 being a very active juftice of the peace, and a leading man 
 in the bufmefs of the province •, his clerk was in no mean 
 office, but one that required a knowledge of the law and 
 conftitution of his country, and a proper behaviour to men 
 of every rank and occupation : befides, in thofe times, before 
 the roads were made good, and fhort vifits fo much in fa- 
 fhion, every large family was a community within itfelf : 
 the upper fervants, or retainers, being often the younger 
 fons of gentlemen, were treated as friends, and the whole 
 family dined in one common hall, and had a ledturer or 
 
 * His refiding in the neigbourhood might, perhaps, occafion the idea of his having been 
 at Cambridge.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. V 
 
 clerk, who, during meal times, read to them fome ufeful or 
 entertaining book. 
 
 Mr. JefFeries's family was of this fort, fituated in a re- 
 tired part of the country, furrounded by bad roads, the maf- 
 ter of it rcfiding conftantly in Worccftcrfliire. Here Mr. 
 Butler had the advantage of living fome time in the neigh- 
 bourhood of his own family and friends : and having lei- 
 fure for indulging his inclinations for learning, he probably 
 improved himfelf very much, not only in the abftrufer 
 branches of it, but in the polite arts : here he ftudied paint- 
 ing, in the practice of which indeed his proficiency was but 
 moderate ; for I recoiled; feeing at Earls Croombe in my 
 youth, fome portraits faid to be painted by him, which did 
 him no great honour as an artift.* I have heard, lately, of 
 a portrait of Oliver Cromwell, faid to be painted by our 
 author. 
 
 * In his MS. common-place book is the following obfervation : 
 
 It is more difficult, and requires a greater maftery of art in painting, to forefhorten a figure 
 exacSly, than to draw three at their juft length; fo it is, in writing, to exprefs any thing na- 
 turally and briefly, than to enlarge and dilate: 
 
 And therefore a judicious author's blots 
 
 Are more ingenious than his firil free thoughts. 
 
 This, and many other palTages from Butler's MSB. are inferted, not fo much for their 
 intrinfic merit, as to pleafe thofe who are unwilling to lofe one drop of that immortal man j as 
 Garrick fays of Shakefpear, 
 
 It is my pride, my joy, my only plan, 
 
 To lofe no drop of that immortal man.
 
 vi ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 After continuing fome time in this fervice, he was recom- 
 mended to EHzabeth Countefs of Kent, who lived at Wreft, 
 in Bedfordfliire. Here he enjoyed a Hterary retreat during 
 great part of the civil wars, and here probably laid the ground- 
 work of his Hudibras, as he had the benefit of a good col- 
 ledion of books, and the fociety of that living library, the 
 learned Selden. — His biographers fay, he lived alfo in the 
 fervice of Sir Samuel Luke, of Cople Hoo Farm, or Wood 
 End, in that county, and that from him he drew the cha- 
 rader of Hudibras * : but fuch a prototype was not rare in 
 thofe times. We hear little more of Mr. Butler till after the 
 Reftoration : perhaps, as Mr. Selden was left executor to the 
 Countefs, his employment in her affairs might not ceafe at 
 her death, though one might fufpect by Butler's MSS. and 
 Remains, that his friendlliip with that great man was not 
 
 * The Lukes were an ancient family at Cople, three miles fouth of Bedford : in the church 
 are many monuments to the family : an old one to the memory of Sir Walter Luke, Knight, 
 one of the juftices of the pleas, holden before the moft excellent prince King Henry the Eighth, 
 and Dame Anne his wife : another in remembrance of Nicholas Luke, and his wife, with five 
 fons and four daughters. 
 
 On a flat ftone in the chancel is written. 
 
 Here lieth the body of George Luke, Efq. he departed this life Feb. 10, 1732, aged 74. 
 years, the lafl Luke of Wood End. 
 
 Sir Samuel Luke was a rigid prefbyterian, and not an eminent commander under Oliver 
 Cromwell; probably did not approve of the king's trial and execution, and therefore, with other 
 prefbyterians, both he and his father Sir Oliver were among the fecluded members. See 
 Rufliworth's colledions.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. VH 
 
 without interruption, for his fatirical wit could not be rc- 
 ftrained from difplaying itfelf on fome particularities in the 
 charadler of that eminent fcholar. 
 
 L-ord Dorfet is faid to have firft introduced Hudibras to 
 court. — November ii, 1662, the author obtained an impri- 
 matur, figned J. Berkenhead, for printing his poem ; accord- 
 ingly in the following year he publiflied the firft part, con- 
 taining 125 pages. Sir Roger L'Eftrange granted an im- 
 primatur for the fecond part of Hudibras, by the author 
 of the firft, November 5, 1663, and it was printed by T. R. 
 for John Martin, 1664. 
 
 In the Mercurius aulicus, a minifterial newfpaper, from 
 January i, to January 8, 1662, quarto, is an advertifement 
 faying, that, " there is ftolen abroad a moft falfe and imper- 
 " feci copy of a poem called Hudibras, without name 
 *' either of printer or bookfeller, the true and perfect edition, 
 " printed by the author's original, is fold by Richard Marriott, 
 " near St. Dunftan's church, in Fleet-ftreet, that other name- 
 " lefs impreffion is a cheat, and will but abufe the buyer, as 
 " well as the author, whofe poem dcferves to have fallen 
 " into better hands." Probably many other editions were 
 foon after printed : but the fiift and fecond parts, with notes 
 to both parts, were printed for J. Martin and H. Herringman, 
 octavo, 1674. The laft edition of the third part, before the
 
 viii ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 author's death, was printed by the fame perfons in 1678: 
 this I take to be the laft copy correcled by himfelf, and is 
 that from which this edition is in general printed : the third 
 part had no notes put to it during the author's hfe, and who 
 furniflied them after his death is not known. 
 
 In the Britifli Mufeum is the original injunclion by au- 
 thority, figned John Berkenhead, forbidding any printer, or 
 other perfon whatfoever to print Hudibras, or any part there- 
 of, without the confent or approbation of Samuel Butler (or 
 Boteler) Efq.* or his ailignees, given at Whitehall, 10 Sep- 
 tember 1677; copy of this injunflion may be feen in 
 the note -j-. 
 
 * Induced by this injunftion, and by the office he held as fecretary to Richard Earl of 
 Carbury, Lord Prefident of Wales, I have ventured to call our poet Samuel Butler, Efq. 
 
 t CHARLES R. 
 
 Our will and pleafurc is, and we do hereby ftriftly charge and command, that no printer, 
 bookfeller, ftationer, or other perfon whatfoever within out; kingdom of England or Ireland, 
 do print, reprint, utter or fell, or caufe to be printed, re-printed, uttered or fold, a book or 
 poem called Hudibras, or any part thereof, without the confent and approbation of Samuel 
 Boteler, Efq. or his affignees, as they and every of them will anfwer the contrary at their 
 perils. Given at our Court at Whitehall, the tenth day of September, in the year of our Lord 
 God 1677, and in the 29th year of our reign. 
 
 By His Majefty's command, 
 
 J". BERKENHEAD. 
 
 Mifcel. Papers, Muf. Brit. Bibl. Birch, No. 4293. 
 Plut. II. J. original.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. IX 
 
 It was natural to fuppofc, that after the rcftoration, and 
 the publication of his Hudibras, our poet fliould have ap- 
 peared in public life, and have been rewarded for the eminent 
 fervice his poem did to the royal caufe ; but his innate mo- 
 defly, and ftudious turn of mind, prevented folicitations : 
 never having tailed the idle luxuries of life, he did not make 
 to himfelf needlefs wants, or pine after imaginary pleafures : 
 his fortune, indeed, was fmall, and fo was his ambition ; his 
 integrity of life, and modeft temper, rendered him contented. 
 However, there is good authority for believing that at one 
 time he was gratified with an order on the treafury for 300/. 
 which is faid to have palTed all the offices without payment 
 of fees, and this gave him an opportunity of difplaying his 
 difinterefted integrity, by conveying the entire fum imme- 
 diately to a friend, in truft for the ufe of his creditors. Dr. 
 Zachary Pearce,* on the authority of Mr. Lowndes of the 
 Treafury, alTerts, that Mr. Butler received from Charles the 
 fecond an annual penfion of 100/. : add to this, he was ap- 
 pointed fecretary to the lord prefident of the principality of 
 Wales, and, about the year 1667, fteward of Ludlow caftle. 
 With all this, the court was thought to have been guilty of 
 a glaring negled in his cafe, and the public were fcandalized 
 
 * See Granger's Biographical Hiftory of England, oftavo, vol iv. p. 40.
 
 X ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 at the ingratitude. The indigent poets, who have always 
 claimed a prefcriptive right to live on the munificence of 
 their contemporaries, were the loudeft in their remonftrances. 
 Dryden, Oldham, and Otway, while in appearance they 
 complained of the unrewarded merits of our author, ob- 
 liquely lamented their private and particular grievances ; 
 
 Iloi7^oH.7\Ov 7rpo^x(nv,(r(pocv ^'ccvruiv kyi^s SKctg^o;',* or, as Sallull: 
 fays, nuUi Mortalium injurise fuse parvae videntur. Mr. 
 Butler's own fenfe of the difappointment, and the impreffion 
 it made on his fpirits, are fufficiently marked by the circum- 
 ftance of his having twice tranfcribed the following diftich 
 with fome variation in his MS. common-place book. 
 
 To think how Spencer died, how Cowley mourn'd, 
 How Butler's faith and fervice were return'd.-f- 
 
 In the fame MS. he fays, " wit is very chargeable, and not 
 to be maintained in its necelTary expences at an ordinary 
 rate : it is the worll trade in the world to live upon, and a 
 commodity that no man thinks he has need of, for thofe who 
 have leafl believe they have moft." 
 
 * Homer Iliad, 19. 302. 
 
 •)- I am aware of a difficulty that may be ftarted, that the Tragedy of Conftantine the Great, 
 to which Otway wrote the prologue, according to Giles Jacob in his poetical Regifter, was 
 not afted at the Theatre Royal till 1684, four years after our poet's death, but probably hehad 
 feenthe MS. or heard the thought, as both his MSS. differ fomewhat from the printed copy.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XI 
 
 Ingenuity and wit 
 
 Do only make the owners fit 
 For nothing, but to be undone 
 Much eafier than if th' had none. 
 
 Mr. Butler fpent feme time in France, probably when 
 
 Lewis XIV. was in the height of his glory and vanity : 
 
 however, neither the language nor manners of Paris were 
 
 plealing to our modefl poet ; fome of his obfervations may 
 
 be amuling, I fliall therefore infert them in a note.* He 
 
 married Mrs. Herbert, whether flie was a widow, or not, is 
 
 uncertain ; with her he expected a confiderable fortune, but, 
 
 through various loffes, and knavery, he found himfelf difap- 
 
 * " The French ufe fo many words, upon all occafions, that if they did not cut them fhort 
 in pronunciation, they would grow tedious, and infufFerable. 
 
 " They infinitely affeft rhyme, though it becomes their language the worft in the world, 
 and fpoils the little fenfe they have to make room for it, and make the fame fyllable rhjine to 
 itfelf, which is worfe than metal upon metal in heraldry : they find it much eafier to write 
 plays in verfe than in profe, for it is much harder to imitate nature, than any deviation from 
 her ; and profe requires a more proper and natural fenfe and expreffion than verfe, that has 
 fomething in the ftamp and coin to anfwer for the alloy and want of intrinfic value. I never 
 came among them, but the following line was in my mind: 
 
 Raucaq; garrulitas, ftudiumq; inane loquendi ; 
 For tliey talk fo much, they have not time to think ; and if they had all the wit in the world, 
 their tongues would run before i t. 
 
 " The prefent king of France is building a moft lately triumphal arch in memory of his 
 viftories, and the great anions which he has performed: but, if I am not miftaken, thofe 
 edifices which bear that name at Rome, were not raifed by the emperors whofe names they 
 bear (fuch as Trajan, Titus, &c.) but were decreed by the Senate, and built at die ex- 
 pence of the public ; for that glory is loft, which any man defigns to confecrate to himfelf.
 
 XU ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 pointed : to this fome have attributed his fevere flriclures 
 upon the profefTors of the law; but if his cenfures be proper- 
 ly confidered, they will be found to bear hard only upon the 
 difgraceful part of each profeffion, and upon falfe learning in 
 general : this was a favourite fubjecl with him, but no man 
 had a greater regard for, or was abetter judge of the worthy 
 part of the three learned profeflions, or learning in general, 
 than Mr. Butler. 
 
 How long he continued in office, as fleward of Ludlow 
 Caftle, is not known; but he lived the latter part of his life 
 
 " The king takes a very good courfe to weaken the city of Paris by adorning of it, and 
 to render it lefs, by making it appear greater and more glorious ; for he pulls down whole 
 ftreets to make room for his palaces and public ftruftures. 
 
 " There is nothing great or magnificent in all the country, that I have feen,but the build- 
 ings and furniture of the king's houfes and the churches j all the reft is mean and paltry. 
 
 " The king is neceffitatedto lay heavy taxes upon his fubjedts in his own defence, and to 
 keep them poor, in order to keep them quiet; for if they are fufFered to enjoy any plenty, 
 they are naturally fo infolent, that they would become ungovernable, and ufe him as they 
 have done his predeceflbrs : but he has rendered himfelf fo ftrong, that they have no thoughts 
 of attempting any thing in his time. 
 
 " The churchmen overlook all other people as haughtily as the churches and fteeples do 
 private houfes. 
 
 " The French do nothing without oftentation, and the king himfelf is not behind with his 
 triumphal arches confecrated to himfelf, and his imprefs of the fun, nee pluribus impar. 
 
 " The French king having copies of the beft piiSlures from Rome, is as a great prince 
 wearing clothes at fecond hand : the king in his prodigious charge of buildings and furniture 
 does the fame thing to himfelf that he means to do by Paris, renders himfelf weaker, by endea-» 
 vouring to appear the more magnificent: lets go the fubftancefor ftiadow."
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. Xllil 
 
 in Rofe-flreet, Covent Garden, in a ftudious retired manner, 
 and died there in the year 1 680.— He is faid to have been 
 buried at the expence of Mr. WiUiam Longuevillc, though 
 he did not die in debt. 
 
 Some of his friends wiflied to have interred him in Weft- 
 minfter Abbey with proper folemnity ; but not finding others 
 wilHng to contribute to the expence, his corpfe was depo- 
 fited privately in the yard belonging to the church of Saint 
 Paul's Covent Garden, at the weft end of the faid yard, on 
 the north fide, under the wall of the faid church, and under 
 that wall which parts the yard from the common highway.* 
 I have been thus particular, becaufe, in the year 1786, when 
 the church was repaired, a marble monument was placed on 
 the fouth lide of the church on the infide, by fome of the 
 parifhioners, which might tend to miflead pofterity as to the 
 place of his interment : their zeal for the memory of the 
 learned poet does them honour ; but the writer of the verfes 
 feems to have miftaken the character of Mr. Butler. The 
 infcription runs thus, 
 
 " This little monument was ere(fted in the year 1786, by 
 " fome of the parifliioners of Covent Garden, in memory of 
 
 * See Butler's Life, printed before the fmall edition of Hudibras, in 1710, and reprinted 
 by Dr. Grey.
 
 Xiv O^ SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 " the celebrated Samuel Butler, who was buried in this churchy 
 "A. D. 1680. 
 
 " A few plain men, to pomp and ftate unknown, 
 " O'er a poor bard have rais'd this humble flone, 
 " Whofe wants alone his genius could furpafs, 
 " Viftim of zeal ! the matchlefs Hudibras ! 
 
 " What though fair freedom fuffer'd in his page, 
 
 " Reader, forgive the author for the age ! 
 
 " How few, alas ! difdain to cringe and cant, 
 
 " When 'tis the mode to play the fycophant. 
 
 " But, oh ! let all be taught, from Butler's fate, 
 
 " Who hope to make their fortunes by the great, 
 
 " That wit and pride are always dangerous things, 
 
 " And little faith is due to courts and kings." 
 
 In the year 1721, John Barber, an eminent printer, and 
 
 alderman of London, ereded a monument to our poet in 
 
 Weftminfter Abbey, the infcription as follows : 
 
 M.S. 
 Samuelis Butler 
 Qui Strenfliamise in agro Vigorn natus 161 2, 
 Obiit Lond. 1680. 
 Vir do6lus imprimis, acer, integer, 
 Operibus ingenii non item praemiis felix. 
 Satyrici apud nos carminis artifex egregius. 
 Qui fimulatas religionis larvam detraxit 
 Et perduellium fcelera liberrime exagitavit, 
 Scriptorum in fuo genere primus et poftremus.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDTBRAS. XV 
 
 Ne cui vivo deerant fere omnia 
 Deeflet etiam mortuo tumulus 
 Hoc tandem pofito marmore curavit 
 
 Johannes Barber civis Londinenfis 172 1. 
 
 On the latter part of this epitaph the ingenious Mr. Sa- 
 muel Wefley wrote the following lines : 
 
 While Butler, needy wretch, w^as yet alive. 
 
 No generous patron would a dinner give ; 
 
 See him, when ftai-v'd to death, andturn'd to duft, 
 
 Prefented with a monumental buflr. 
 
 The poet's fate is here in emblem Ihown, 
 
 He alk'd for bread, and he receiv'd a Hone. 
 
 Soon after this monument was erected in Weftminfter 
 
 Abbey, fome perfons propofed to erect one in Covent Garden 
 
 churchj for which Mr. Dennis wrote the following infcrip- 
 
 tion : 
 
 Near this place lies interr'd 
 
 The body of Mr. Samuel Butler, 
 
 Author of Hudibras. 
 
 He was a whole fpecies of poets in one : 
 
 Admirable in a manner 
 
 In which no one elfe has been tolerable : 
 
 A manner which begun and ended in him, 
 
 In which he knew no guide, 
 
 And has found no followers. 
 
 Nat. 1612. Ob. 1680.
 
 XVI ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 Hudibras is Mr. Butler's capital work, and though the 
 charaders, poems, thoughts, &c. publifhed by Mr. Thyer, 
 in two volumes o6lavo, arc certainly wrote by the fame maf- 
 teriy hand, though they abound with lively fallies of wit, 
 and difplay a copious variety of erudition, yet the nature of 
 the fubjedls, their not having received the author's laft cor- 
 rections, and many other reafons which might be given, ren- 
 der them lefs acceptable to the prefent tafte of the public, 
 which no longer reliilies the antiquated mode of writing cha- 
 racters, cultivated when Butler was young, by men of genius, 
 fuch as Bifliop Earle and Mr. Cleveland ; the volumes, 
 however, are very ufeful, as they tend to illuftrate many paf- 
 fages in Hudibras. The three fmall ones entitled, Pofthu- 
 mous Works, in Profe and Verfe, by Mr. Samuel Butler, au- 
 thor of Hudibras, printed 1 7 1 5, 1 7 1 6, 1 7 1 7, are all fpurious, 
 except the Pindaric ode on Duval the highwayman, and 
 perhaps one or two of the profe pieces. As to the MSS. 
 which after Mr. Butler's death came into the hands of Mr. 
 Longueville, and from whence Mr. Thyer publifhed his 
 genuine Remains in the year 1759 ; what remain of them, 
 ftill unpubliflied, are either in the hands of the ingenious 
 Dodor Farmer, of Cambridge, or myfelf: for Mr. Butler's 
 Common-place Book, mentioned by Mr. Thyer, I am indebt- 
 .ed to the liberal and public fpirited James MafTey, Efq. of
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. xvii 
 
 Rofthern, near Knotsford, Chefliire. The poet's frequent 
 and correcl ufe of law terms * is a fufficient proof that he 
 was well verfed in that fcience ; but if further evidence were 
 wanting, I can produce a MS. purchafed of fome of our poet's 
 relations, at the Hay, in Brecknockfliire : it appears to be a 
 colledtion of legal cafes and principles, regularly related from 
 Lord Coke's Commentary on Littleton's Tenures : the 
 language is Norman, or law French, and, in general, an 
 abridgment of the above-mentioned celebrated work ; for 
 the authorities in the margin of the MS. correfpond exactly 
 with thofe given on the fame pofitions in the firfl: inditute ; 
 and the fubjecl matter contained in each particular fedlion of 
 Butler's legal tracl, is to be found in the fame numbered 
 feclion of Coke upon Littleton : the lirft book of the MS. 
 likewife ends with the 84th feclion, which fame number of 
 feclions alfo terminates the lirft inftitute ; and the fecond 
 book of the MS. is entitled by Butler, Le fecond livre del 
 primer part del inftitutes de ley d'Engleterre. The titles of 
 the refpeclive chapters of the MS. alfo precifely agree with 
 the titles of each chapter in Coke upon Littleton ; it may, 
 therefore, reafonably be prefumed to have been compiled by 
 Butler folely from Coke upon Littleton, with no other ob- 
 jeft than to imprefs ftrongly on his mind the fenfe of that 
 author ; and written in Norman, to familiarize himfelf with 
 
 * Butler is faid to have been a member of Grey's-inn, and of a club with Cleveland and 
 other wits inclined to the royal caufe.
 
 Xviii ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ, 
 
 the barbarous language in which the learning of the common' 
 law of England was at that period almoft uniformly ex- 
 prclTed. The MS. is imperfect, no title exifting, fome leaves 
 being torn, and is continued only to the 193d feclion, 
 which is about the middle of Coke's fecond book of the 
 firft inftitute. 
 
 As another inftance of the poet's great induftry, I have 
 a French didlionary, compiled and tranfcribed by him : 
 thus did our anceftors, with great labour, draw truth and 
 learning out of deep wells, whereas our modern fcholars 
 only lliim the furface, and pilfer a fuperficial knowledge 
 from encyclopaedies and reviews. It doth not appear that 
 he ever wrote for the ftage, though I have, in his MS. 
 common-place book, part of an unfinifhed tragedy, entitled 
 Nero. 
 
 Concerning Hudibras there is but one fentiment — it is 
 univerfally allowed to be the firfl: and laft poem of its kind ; 
 the learning, wit, and humour, certainly fland unrivalled ; 
 various have been the attempts to define or defcribe the 
 two laft ; the greateft Engliili writers have tried in vain, 
 Cowley*, Barrow f, Drydenf, Lock§, AddifonH, Pope^, 
 
 * In his Ode on Wit, f "" his Sermon againft foolifli Talking and Jefting, % in his Pre- 
 face to an Opera called the State of Innocence, § EfTay on Human Underftanding, b. ii. c. 2. 
 II Spedator, No. 35 and 32. ^i Effay concerning humour in Comedy, and Corbyn Morris's 
 Effay on Wit, Humour, and Raillery.
 
 AUTHOR OF nUDIBRAS. xix 
 
 and Congreve, all fail'd in their attempts ; perhaps they 
 are more to be be felt than explained, and to be underftood 
 rather from example than precept : if any one wiflies to 
 know what wit and humour are, let him read Hudibras with 
 attention, he will there fee them difplayed in the brighteft 
 colours : there is luftre refulting from the quick elucidation 
 of an object, by a jufl; and unexpected arrangement of it 
 with another fubjecl : propriety of words, and thoughts 
 elegantly adapted to the occafion : objects which polTefs 
 an affinity and congruity, or fometimes a contrafl to each 
 other, afTembled with quicknefs and variety ; in fliort, every« 
 ingredient of wit, or of humour, which critics have difcover- 
 cd on diflecting them, may be found in this poem. The 
 reader may congratulate himfelf, that he is not deftitute of 
 tafte to relifli both, if he can read it with delight ; nor 
 would it be prefumption to transfer to this capital author, 
 Quinclilian's enthuliaftic praife of a great Antient : hunc 
 igitur fpe6temus, hoc propofitum fit nobis exemplum, illc fc 
 profecifle fciat cui Cicero valde placebit. 
 
 Hudibras is to an epic poem, what a good farce is to a 
 tragedy ; perfons advanced in years generally prefer the 
 former, having met with tragedies enough in real life ; 
 whereas the comedy, or interlude, is a relief from anxious 
 and difgufling reflections, and fuggefls fuch playful
 
 XX ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 ideas, as wanton round the heart and enliven the very 
 features. 
 
 The hero marches out in fearch of adventures, to fupprefs 
 thofe fports, and punifli thofe trivial offences, which the 
 vulgar among the royalifts were fond of, but which the 
 preibyterians and independents abhorred ; and which our 
 hero, as a magiftrate of the former perfuafion, thought it 
 his duty officially to fupprefs. The diclion is that of bur- 
 lefque poetry, painting low and mean perfons and things in 
 pompous language, and a magnificent manner, or fometimes 
 levelling fublime and pompous paffages to the flandard of 
 low imagery. The principal a6lions of the poem are four : 
 Hudibras's vi61:ory over Crowdero — Trulla's viflory over 
 Hudibras — Hudibras's victory over Sidrophel — and the 
 Widow's antimafquerade : the reft is made up of the adven- 
 tures of the Bear, of the Skimmington, Hudibras's converfa- 
 tions with the Lawyer and Sidrophel, and his long difputations 
 with Ralpho and the Widow. The verfe confifts of eight 
 fyllables, or four feet, a meafure which, in unllcilful hands, 
 foon becomes tirefome, and will ever be a dangerous fnare to 
 meaner and lefs mafterly imitators. 
 
 The Scotch, the Irilli, the American Hudibras, are not 
 worth mentioning : the tranflation into French, by an Eng- 
 lifhman, is curious ; it preferves the fenfe, but cannot 
 keep up the humour. Prior feems to have come neareft
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXI 
 
 the original, though he is fenfible of his own inferiority^ 
 
 and fays, 
 
 But, like poor Andrew, I advance, 
 Falfe mimic of my mafter's dance ; 
 Around the cord a while I fprawl, 
 And thence, tho' low, in earneft fall. 
 
 His Alma is neat and elegant, and his verfification fu- 
 perior to Butler's ; but his learning, knowledge, and wit, by 
 no means equal. Prior, as Dr. Johnfon fays, had not Butler's 
 exuberance of matter, and variety of illuftration. The 
 fpangles of wit which he could afford, he knew how to po- 
 lifli, but he wanted the bullion of his mafter. Hudibras, 
 then, may truly be faid to be the firft and lafl fatire of the 
 kind ; for if we examine Lucian's Tragopodagra, and other 
 dialogues, the Caefars of Julian, Seneca's Apocolocyntofis,* 
 and fome fragments of Varro, they will be found very diffe- 
 rent : the battle of the frogs and mice, commonly afcribed 
 to Homer, and the Margites, generally allowed to be his, 
 prove this fpecies of poetry to be of great antiquity. 
 
 The inventor of the modern mock heroic was Aleffmdro 
 Taffoni, born at Modena 1565. His Secchia rapita, or 
 
 * Or the mock deification of Claudius ; a burlefque of Apotheofis, or Anathanatofis. Rei- 
 marus renders it, non inter deos fed inter fatuos relatio, and quotes a proverb from Apuleius, 
 Colocyntse caput, for a fool. Colocynta is metaphorically put for any thing unufually large. 
 >>»;xas i(oXoxu»ra<s in the clouds of Ariftoph.ines, is to have the eye fwelled by an obftrudion as 
 big as a gourd.
 
 Xxii ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 Rape of the Bucket, is founded on the popular account of 
 the caufe of the civil war between the inhabitants of Modena 
 and Bologna, in the time of Frederic II. This bucket was 
 long preferved, as a trophy, in the cathedral of Modena, fuf- 
 pended by the chain which faftened the gate of Bologna, 
 through which the Modenefe forced their pafTage, and 
 feized the prize. It is written in the ottava Rima, the 
 folemn meafure of the Italian heroic poets, has gone through 
 many editions, and been twice tranflatcd into French : it 
 has, indeed^ confiderable merit, though the reader will fcarcely 
 fee Elena trasformafi in una fecchia. Taffoni travelled 
 into Spain as firft fecretary to Cardinal Colonna, and died 
 in an advanced age, in the court of Francis the Firft, duke 
 of Modena : he was highly efteemed for his abilities and 
 extenfive learning ; but, like Mr. Butler's, his wit was ap- 
 plauded, and unrewarded, as appears from a portrait of him, 
 with a fig in his hand, under which is written the following 
 diftich : 
 
 Dextra cur ficum quaeris mea geftat inanem, 
 Longi operis merces haec fuit, Aula dedit. 
 
 The next fuccefsful imitators of the mock-heroic, have 
 been Boileau, Garth, and Pope, whofe refpedlive works are 
 too generally known, and too juftly admired, to require, at 
 this time, defcription or encomium. The Pucelle d'Orleans 
 of Voltaire may be deemed an imitation of Hudibras, and is
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. Xxiii 
 
 written In fomewhat the fame metre ; but the latter, upon 
 the whole, muft be confidcrcd as an original fpccies of 
 poetry, a compofition fui generis. 
 
 Unde nil majus generatur ipfo ; 
 
 Nee viget quidquam fimile aut fecundum. 
 
 Hudibras has been compared to the Satyre Menippee de 
 la vertu du Catholicon d'Efpagne, firft publiflied in France 
 in the year 1593; ^^^ fubjecl indeed is fomewhat fimilar a 
 violent civil war excited by religious zeal, and many good 
 men made the dupes of ftate politicians. After the death of 
 Henry III. of France, the Duke de Mayenne called together 
 the dates of the kingdom, to clecl a fucceffor, there being 
 many pretenders to the crown ; thefe intrigues were the 
 foundation of the Satire Menippee, fo called from Menippus 
 a cynic philofopher, and rough Satirift, introducer of the 
 burlefque fpecies of dialogue. In this work are unveil'd the 
 different views, and interefts of the feveral aclors in thofe bufy 
 fcenes, who, under the pretence of public good, confulted 
 only their private advantage, pailions and prejudices. 
 
 The book, which aims particularly at the Spanifli party, * 
 went through various editions, from its firft publication to 
 
 * It is fometimes called Higuero del inficrno, or the fig-tree of Hell, alluding to the vio- 
 lent pare the Spaniards took in the civil w^ars of France, and in allufion to the title of Seneca's 
 Apocolocyntofis. By this fig-tree the author perhaps means the wonderful bir or banian def- 
 cribed by Milton. 
 
 The fig-tree, not that kind for fruit renovim'd, 
 
 But fuch as at this day to Indians known 
 
 In Malabar or Decan, fpreads his arms. 
 
 Branching
 
 XXIV ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 1726, when it was printed at Ratifbone in three volumes, 
 with copious notes and index : it is ftill ftudied by antiqua- 
 ries with deUght, and in its day was as much admired as Hu- 
 dibras. D'aubigne fays of it, il pafTe pour un chef d'cEuvre en 
 fon gendre, & fut lue avec une egale avidite, & avec un plai- 
 flr marveilleux par les royahftes, par les poHtiques, par les 
 Huguenots & par les ligueurs de toutes les efpeces.* 
 
 Mr. de Thou's character of it is equally to its advantage. 
 The principal author is faid to be Monfieur le Roy, fometim^e 
 chaplain to the Cardinal de Bourbon, whom Thuanus calls 
 vir bonus, & a fadlione fumme alienus. 
 
 Branching fo broad and long, that in the ground 
 The bended twigs take root, and daughters grow 
 About the mother tree; a pillar'd fliade 
 High over-arch'd, and echoing walks between. 
 Mr. Ines, in his journey from Perfia, thus fpeaks of this wonderful vegetable : this is the 
 Indian facred tree, it grows to a prodigious height, and its branches f^jread a great way. The 
 limbs drop down fibrous, which take root, and become another tree, united by its branches to the 
 firft, and fo continue to do, until the tree cover a great extent of ground; the arches which thofe 
 different flocks make are Gothick, like thofe we fee in Wefl:minfl:er Abbey, the flocks not 
 being finglc, but appearing as ifcompofed of many flocks, are of a great circumference. There 
 is a certain folemnity accompanying thefe trees, nor do I remember that I was ever under the 
 cover of any of them, but that my mind was at the time imprefTed with a reverential awe. 
 From hence it feems, that both thefe authors thought Gothic architecture fimilar to embowered 
 jows of trees. 
 
 The Indian fig-tree is defcribed as of an immenfe fize, capable of iTiading 800 or lOOO men, 
 and fome of them 3000 perfons. In Mr. Marfden's hiflory of Sumatra, the following is an 
 account of the dimenfions of a remarkable banyan tree near Banjer, twenty miles wefl of 
 Patna, in Bengal. Diameter 363 to 375 feet, circumference of its fhadow at noon i n6 feet 
 circumference of the feveral ftems (in number 50 or 60) 911 feet. 
 
 * Henaultfays of this work, Peut-etre que la fatire Mcnippee ne fut gueres moins utiles 
 Henri IV. que la bataille d'lvri ; le ridicule a plus de force qu'on ne croit.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXV 
 
 This fatlre differs widely from our author's: like thofe of 
 Varro, Seneca and Julian, it is a mixture of vcrfe and profe, 
 and though it contains much wit, and Mr. Butler had cer- 
 tainly read it with attention, yet he cannot be faid to imitate 
 it ; the reader will perceive that our poet had in view Don 
 Quixote, Spenfer, the ItaHan poets, together with the Greek 
 and Roman claflics ; but very rarely, if ever, alludes to 
 Milton, though Paradife loft was publiflied ten years before 
 the third part of Hudibras. 
 
 Other forts of burlefque have been publiflied, fuch as the 
 carmina Macaronica, the epiftolae obfcurorum Virorum, Cot- 
 ton's travefty, &c. but thefe are efforts of genius of no great 
 importance. Many burlefque and fatirical poems, and profe 
 compofitions, were publiflied in France between the years 
 1593 and 1660, the authors of which were Rabelais, Scarron 
 and others ; the Cardinal is faid to have feverely felt the Ma- 
 zarenade. 
 
 A popular fong or poem has always had a wonderful 
 effed; ; the following is an excellent one from ^Efchylus, fung 
 at the battle of Salamis, at which he was prefent, and 
 engaged in the Athenian Squadron. 
 
 £2 TTOLi^sg EX?^tOi:v /re, 
 
 sXsvhpifIs 7rarfi^\ sMvCBfmre is
 
 XXvi ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 &y]X.0Lg 7S T^poyovocv' vvv VTTsp ttolvtocv aym. 
 
 JEfch. Perfe, 1. 400. 
 The ode of Calliflratus is fuppofed to have done eminent 
 fervice, by commemorating the dehvery, and preventing the 
 return of that tyranny in Athens, which was happily termi- 
 nated by the death of Hipparchus, and expulfion of the 
 Pififtratid^e ; I mean a fong which was fung at their feafls 
 beginning, 
 
 HfTTSp AflXO^lOg KAfl5-0y£lT(f^V, 
 
 Ot£ tov rvpoLvvov KTdvsrrjp, 
 l(TouoiJLiig TA^riPOLg £7roir,(roLrriV^ 
 
 And ending, 
 
 (piXroL^ AffjLo^is KApig-oysnoVf 
 Ore TOV Tvpavuov ztolvbtov 
 ItToyofjLag TA&ii/oLg £7roirj(rc(.Toy. 
 
 Of this fong the learned Lowth fays, Si poll idus illas 
 Martias e Tyrannoctonis quifpiam tale aliquod carmen plebi 
 tradidifTet, inque fuburram, et fori circulos, & in ora vulgi 
 
 intulifTet, a6lum profe£lo fuifTet de partibus deque domina- 
 tione Cjefarum : plus mehercule valuilTet unum Ap^oom ^sAo?
 
 AUTHOR OF IIUDIBRAS. XXX'll 
 
 quam Ciccronis Philippicae omnes ; and again, Num vcrcn- 
 dum erat ne quis tyrannidcm Pififtratidarum Athenis inftau- 
 rarc auderet, ubi cantitaretur l^KoXiov illud Calliftrati. — See 
 alfo Ifraelitarum ^Tcm/jov, Ifaiah chapter xiv. 
 
 Of this kind was the famous Irilli fong called Lilliburlero, 
 which juft before the revolution in 1688, had fuch an effect, 
 that Burnet fays, " a foolilli ballad was made at that time, 
 " treating the papifts, and chiefly the Irilli, in a very ridicu- 
 " lous manner, which had a burthen faid to be Irifli words, 
 " Loro loro lilliburlero, that made an impreflion on the 
 " (king's) army that cannot be imagined by thofe that faw 
 " it not. The whole army, and at laft the people, both in 
 " city and country, were fmging it perpetually ; and perhaps 
 " never had fo flight a thing fo good an effect.' Of this 
 kind in modern days was the fong of God fave great George 
 our King, and the Ca ira of Paris. Thus wonderfully did 
 Hudibras operate in beating down the hypocrify, and falfe 
 patriotifm of his time, Mr. Haylcy gives a character of him 
 in four lines with great propriety ; 
 
 " Unrival'd Butler ! bleft with happy ikill 
 
 " To heal by comic verfe each ferious ill, 
 
 " By wit's ftrong flaflies reafon's light difpenfe, 
 
 " And laugh a frantic nation into fenfe." 
 
 For one great object of our poet's fatire is to unmalk the 
 
 hypocrite, and to exhibit, in a light at once odious and ridi-
 
 ^xvii'i ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 culous, the prefbytcrians and independents, and all other 
 feels, which in our poet's days amounted to near two hundred, 
 and were enemies to the King ; but his further view was to 
 banter all the falfc, and even all the fufpicious pretences to 
 learning that prevailed in his time, fuch as aftrology, fympa- 
 thetic medicine, alchymy, transfufion of blood, trifling expe- 
 rimental philofophy, fortune-telling, incredible relations of 
 travellers, falfe wit and injudicious affectation of ornament 
 to be found in the poets, romance writers, &c. thus he fre- 
 quently alludes to Purchas's Pilgrim, Sir Kenelm Digby's 
 books, Bulwarks Artificial Changeling, Brown's Vulgar Errors, 
 Burton's Melancholy, the early tranfadlions of the Royal 
 Society, the various pamphlets and poems of his time, 
 &c. &:c. Thefe books, though now little known, were much 
 read and admired in our author's days. The adventure with 
 the widow is introduced in conformity with other poets, both 
 heroic and dramatic, who hold that no poem can be perfect 
 which hath not at leafl: one Epifode of Love. 
 
 It is not worth while to enquire, if the characters painted 
 under the fictitious names of Hudibras, Crowdero, Orfm, 
 Talgal, Trulla, &c. were drawn from real life, or whether, 
 Sir Roger L'Eftrange's key to Hudibras be a true one, it 
 
 matters not whether the hero were defigned as the picture of 
 Sir Samuel Luke, Col. Rolls, or Sir Henry Rofewell, he is, 
 
 in the language of Dryden, knight of the Shire, and repre-
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXIX 
 
 fcnts them all, that is, the whole body of the prcfbyterians, 
 as Ralpho does that of the independents : it would be de- 
 grading the liberal fpirit, and univerfal genius of Mr. Butler, 
 to narrow his general fatire to a particular libel on any cha- 
 racters, however marked and prominent. To a fmgle rogue, 
 or blockhead, he difdained to ftoop ; the vices and follies of 
 the age in which he lived, (& quando uberior vitiorum copia) 
 were the quarry at which he fled : thefe he concentrated, and 
 embodied in the perfons of Hudibras, Ralpho, Sidrophel, &c. 
 fo that each chara6ler in this admirable poem iliould be con- 
 fidered, not as an individual, but as a fpecies. 
 
 It is not generally known, that meanings flill more re- 
 mote and chimerical than mere perfonal allufions, have been 
 difcovered in Hudibras ; and the poem would have wanted 
 one of thofe marks which diftinguifli works of fuperior me- 
 rit, if it had not been fuppofed to be a perpetual alle- 
 gory : writers of eminence. Homer, Plato, and even the holy 
 Scriptures themfelves, have been mofi: wretchedly mif- 
 reprefented by commentators of this caft ; and it is afto- 
 nifliing to obferve to what a degree Heraclides * and 
 
 * The Allegorias Homerici, Gr. Lat. publUhed by Dean Gale, Ainft. 1688, though ufu- 
 ally afciibed to Heraclides Ponticus, the Platoiiift, muft be the work of a more recent author, 
 as the Dean has proved : his real name feems to have been Heraclitus (not the philofopher), 
 and nothing more is known of him, but that Euftathiuj often cites him in his comment
 
 XXX ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 Proclus*, Philot andOrigen, have loft fight of their ufual good 
 fenfe, when they have allowed themfelves to depart from the 
 obvious and literal meaning of the text, which they pretend 
 to explain. Thus fome have thought that the hero of the piece 
 was intended to reprefent the parliament, efpecially that part 
 of it which favoured the prefbyterian difcipline ; when in the 
 flocks, he perfonates the prefbyterians after they had loft 
 their power ; his firft exploit is againft the bear, whom he 
 routs, which reprefents the parliament getting the better of 
 the king ; after this great vi6lory, he courts a widow for 
 her jointure, that is the riches and power of the kingdom ; 
 being fcorned by her, he retires, but the revival of hope to 
 the royalifts draws forth both him, and his fquire, a little 
 before Sir George Booth's infurredlion. Magnano, Cerdon, 
 Talgal, &c. though defcribed as butchers, coblers, tinkers, 
 
 on Homer : the tra^S, however, is elegant and agreeable, and may be read with improvement 
 and pleafure. 
 
 * Proclus, the moft learned philofopher of the fifth century, left among other writings 
 numerous comments on Plato's works ftill fubfifting, fo ftuffed with allegorical abfurdities, 
 that few who have perufed two periods, will have patience to venture on a third. In this, he 
 only follows the example of Atticus, and many others, whofe interpretations, as wild as his 
 own, he carefully examines. He fneers at the famous Longinus with much contempt, for 
 adhering too fervilely to the literal meaning of Plato. 
 
 t Philo, the Jew, difcovered many myftical fenfes in the Pentateuch, and from him, per- 
 haps, Origen learned his unhappy knack of allegorizing both Old and New Teftament. — 
 This, injuftice, however, is due to Origen, that while he is hunting after abftrufe fenfes, he 
 doth not negledt the literal, but is fometimes happy in his criticifms.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXXI 
 
 were defigned as officers in the parliament army, whofe ori- 
 ginal profeffions, perhaps, were not much more noble : fome 
 have imagined Magnano to be the duke of Albemarle, and 
 his getting thiftles from a barren land, to allude to his power 
 in Scotland, efpecially after the defeat of Booth. Trulla 
 his wife, Crowdero Sir George Booth, whofe bringing in of 
 Bruin alludes to his endeavours to reftore the king : his oaken 
 leg, called the better one, is the king's caufe, his other leg 
 the prefbyterian difcipline ; his fiddle-cafe, which in fport 
 they hung as a trophy on the whipping-poft, the direclorj''. 
 Ralpho, they fay, reprefents the parliament of independents, 
 called Barebones Parliament ; Bruin is fometimes the royal 
 perfon, fometimes the king's adherents : Orfm reprefents the 
 royal party — Talgol the city of London — Colon the bulk 
 of the people : all thefe joining together againft the knight, 
 reprefent Sir George Booth's confpiracy, with prefbyte- 
 rians and royalifts, againft the parliament : their overthrow, 
 through the affiftance of Ralph, means the defeat of Booth 
 by the affiftance of the independents and other fanatics. 
 Thefe ideas are, perhaps, only the frenzy of a wild imagina- 
 tion, though there may be fome lines that feem to favour 
 the conceit. 
 
 Dryden and Addifon have cenfured Butler for his double 
 rhymes ; the latter no where argues worfe than upon this 
 fubjecl : " If," fays he, " the thought in the couplet be good,
 
 XXXU AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 
 
 " the rhymes add little to it ; and if bad, it will not be in 
 " the power of rhyme to recommend it ; I am afraid that 
 " great numbers of thofe who admire the incomparable 
 " Hudibras, do it more on account of thefe doggrel rhymes, 
 " than the parts that really deferve admiration."* This 
 refledlion affedts equally all forts of rhyme, which certainly 
 can add nothing to the fenfe ; but double rhymes are like 
 the whimfical drefs of harlequin, which does not add to his 
 wit, but fometimcs encreafes the humour and drollery of it : 
 they are not fought for, but, when they come eafdy, are 
 always diverting : they are fo feldom found in Hudibras, 
 as hardly to be an object of cenfure, efpecially as the die- 
 tion and the rhyme both fuit well with the character of the. 
 hero. 
 
 It mufl be allowed that our poet doth not exhibit his 
 hero with the dignity of Cervantes ; but the principal fault 
 of the poem is, that the parts are unconnected, and the 
 llory not interefting : the reader may leave ofF without being 
 anxious for the fate of his hero ; he fees only disjecli 
 membra poetse ; but we lliould remember, that the parts 
 were publillied at long intervals,i and that feveral of the dif- 
 ferent cantos were defigned as fatires on different fubjedls or 
 extravagancies. What the judicious Abbe du Bos has faid 
 
 * Spea. No. 60. 
 
 t The Epiftle to Sidrophel, not till many years after the canto to which it is annexed.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXxiii 
 
 refpe£ting Ariofto, may be true of Butler, that, in compari- 
 fon with him, Homer is a geometrician : the poem is feldom 
 read a fecond time, often not a firft in regular order ; that 
 is, by pafling from the firft canto to the fecond, and fo on 
 in fuccellion. Spencer, Ariofto, and Butler, did not live in an 
 age of planning ; the laft imitated the former poets — " his 
 poetry is the carelefs exuberance of a witty imagination and 
 great learning." 
 
 Fault has likewife been found, and perhaps juftly, with 
 the too frequent elifions, the harflinefs of the numbers, and 
 the leaving out the figns of our fubftantives ; his inattention 
 to grammar and fyntax, which, in fome pafTages, may have 
 contributed to obfcure his meaning, as the perplexity of 
 others arifes from the amazing fruitfulnefs of his imagina- 
 tion, and extent of his reading. Moft writers have more 
 words than ideas, and the reader waftes much pains with 
 them, and gets little information or amufement. Butler, on 
 the contrary, has more ideas than words, his wit and learn- 
 ing crowd fo faft upon him, that he cannot find room or 
 time to arrange them ; hence his periods become fometimes 
 embarrafled and obfcure, and his dialogues are too long. 
 Our poet has been charged with obfcenity, evil-fpeaking, 
 and profanenefs ; but fatirifts will take liberties. Juvenal, 
 and that elegant poet Horace, muft plead his caufe, fo far 
 as the accufation is well founded.
 
 XXxiv ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ. 
 
 Some apology may be necefTary, or expected, when 
 a perfon advanced in years, and without the proper qua- 
 lifications, ftiall undertake to pubhili, and comment upon, 
 one of the moft learned and ingenious writers in our 
 language ; and, if the editor's true and obvious motives 
 will not avail to excufe him, he muft plead guilty. The 
 frequent pleafure and amufement he had received from 
 the perufal of the poem, naturally bred a rcfped: for the 
 memory and character of the author, which is further en- 
 deared to him, by a local relation to the county, and to the 
 parifh, fo highly honoured by the birth of Mr. Butler. Thefe 
 confiderations induced him to attempt an edition, more 
 pompous perhaps, and expenfive, than was necellary, but 
 not too fplendid for the merit of the work. While Shakefpear, 
 Milton, Waller, Pope, and the reft of our Englifh dailies, 
 appear with every advantage that either printing or criti- 
 cifm can fupply, why fliould not Hudibras fliare thofe orna- 
 ments at leaft with them which may be derived from the 
 prefent improved ftate of typography and paper ? Some of 
 the dark allufions, in Hudibras, to hiftory, voyages, and the 
 abftrufer parts of what was then called learning, the author 
 himfelf was careful to explain, in a feries of notes to the two 
 firft parts ; for the annotations to the third part, as has been 
 before obferved, do not feem to come from the fame hand. In 
 moft other refpeds, the poem may be prefumed to have been
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXXV 
 
 tolerably clear to the ordinary clafs of readers at its firft pub- 
 lication : but, in a courfc of years, the unavoidable fluctua- 
 tions of language, the difufc of cuftoms then familiar, and 
 the oblivion which hath ftolen on fa6ls and characters then 
 commonly known, have fuperinduced an obfcurity on feve- 
 ral pafTages of the work, which did not originally belong to it. 
 The principal, if not the fole view, of the annotations now 
 offered to the public, hath been to remove thefe difficulties, 
 and point out fome of the paflages in the Greek and Roman 
 authors to which the poet alludes, in order to render Hudi- 
 bras more intelligible to perfons of the commentator's level, 
 men of middling capacity, and limited information. To 
 fuch, if his remarks fliall be found ufeful and acceptable, 
 he will be content, though they fliould appear trifling in 
 the eftimation of the more learned. 
 
 It is extraordinary, that for above an hundred and twenty 
 years, only one commentator hath furniflied notes of any 
 confiderable length, Do£tor Grey had various friends, par- 
 ticularly Bifhop Warburton, Mr. Byron and feveral gentle- 
 men of Cambridge, who communicated to him learned and 
 ingenious obfervations : thefe have been occaflonally adopted 
 without fcruple, have been abridged, or enlarged, or altered, 
 as befl: conflfted with a plan, fomewhat different from the 
 dodor's ) but in fuch a manner as to preclude any other than
 
 XXXVl ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQo. 
 
 a general acknowledgment from the Infinite perplexit}'- that 
 a minute and particular reference to them, at every turn, 
 would occafion ; nor has the editor been without the aflift- 
 ance of his friends. 
 
 It is well known in Worcefterfliire, that long before the 
 appearance of Dodor Grey's edition, a learned and worthy 
 clergyman of that county, after reading Hudibras with at- 
 tention, had compiled a fet of obfervations, with defign to 
 reprint the poem, and to fubjoin his own remarks. By the 
 friendfllip of his defcendants, the prefent publillier hath been 
 favoured with a fight of thofe papers, and though, in com- 
 menting on the fame work, the annotator muft unavoidably 
 have coincided with, and been anticipated by Doctor Grey in 
 numerous inftances, yet much original information remained, 
 of which a free and unreferved ufe hath been made in the fol- 
 lowing Iheets ; but he is forbid any further acknowledgment. 
 
 He is likewife much obliged to Dodlor Loveday, of Wil- 
 liamfcot, near Banbury, the worthy Ton of a worthy father ; 
 the abilities and correclnefs of the former can be equalled 
 only by the learning and critical acumen of the latter. He 
 begs leave likewife to take this opportunity of returning his 
 thanks to his learned and worthy neighbour Mr. Ingram, 
 from whofe converfation much information and entertain- 
 ment has been received on many fubjeds.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. XXXvii 
 
 Mr. Samuel Wcflley, brother to the celebrated John 
 Weftley, had a defign of publifliing an edition of Hudibras 
 with notes. He applied to Lord Oxford for the ufe of books 
 in his library, and his lordfliip wrote him the following 
 obliging anfwer from Dover Street, Auguft 7, 1734. " I am 
 " very glad you was reduced to read over Hudibras three 
 " tim.es with care : I find you are perfeclly of my mind, that 
 " it much wants notes, and that it will be a great work ; 
 " certainly it will be, to do it as it fliould be. I do not 
 ** know one fo capable of doing it as yourfelf. I fpeak this 
 " very fmcerely. Lilly's life I have, and any books that 
 " I have you fliall fee, and have the perufal of them, and 
 " any other part that I can aflift. I own I am very fond 
 " of the work, and it would be of excellent ufe and 
 " entertainment.. 
 
 " The news you read in the papers of a match with my 
 " daughter and the Duke of Portland was completed at 
 " Mary-le-bonne chapel," &c.* 
 
 What progrefs he made in the work, or what became of 
 his notes, I could never learn. 
 
 * Extraft of a letter from Lord Oxford, taken from original letters by the Reverend John 
 V/eflley and his friends, illuftratlve of his early hiftory, publiftied by Jofeph Prieftley, LL.D.- 
 printed at Birmingham, 1791.
 
 XXXVlll ON SAMUEL. BUTLER, ESQ^ 
 
 The engravings in this edition are chiefly taken from 
 Hogarth's defigns, an artiftwhofe genius, in fome refpe£ls, was 
 congenial to that of our poet, though here he cannot plead 
 the merit of originality, fo much as in fome other of his 
 works, having borrowed a great deal from the fmall prints 
 in the duodecimo edition of i 7 1 o.* 
 
 Some plates are added from original defigns, and fome 
 from drawings by La Guerre, now in my pofTeflion, and one 
 print reprefenting Oliver Cromwell's guard-room, from an 
 excellent picture by Dobfon, very obligingly communicated 
 by my v/orthy friend, Robert Bromley, Efq. of Abberley- 
 lodge, in Worcefterlliire ; the picture being feven feet long, 
 and four high, it is difficult to give the likeneffes upon fo 
 reduced a fcale, but the artifts have done themfelves credit 
 by preferving the characters of each figure, and the features 
 of each face more exactly than could be expedled: the pic- 
 ture belonged to Mr. Walfli the poet, and has always been 
 called Oliver Cromwell's guard-room : the figures are cer- 
 tainly portraits ; but I leave it to the critics in that line to 
 find out the originals. 
 
 When I firll: undertook this work, it was defigned that the 
 whole fhould be comprifed in two volumes : the firfl com- 
 
 * Hogarth was born in 1698, and the edition of Hudibras, with his cuts, publiflied 1726.
 
 AUTHOR OF HUDIDRAS. 
 
 XXXIX 
 
 prehending the poem, the fecond the notes, but the thlck- 
 nefs of the paper, and iize of the type, obliged the binder to 
 divide each vokime into two tomes ; this has iindefignedly 
 encreafed the number of tomes, and the price of the work.* 
 
 * Mr. Rollin in his advertifement to the eleventh volume of his ancient hiftory, fays, 
 " Ce volume s'eft trouvc d'une groffeiir fi enormc qu'on s'cft cru oblige de le divifer pour la 
 ♦' commodite des ledures, & de la couper en deux tomes." 
 
 m 
 
 ^-yMo^tM^n-en^ — 
 
 ^. Cyaci/^, C^n,'^e-nr~Ocr/^'ei 
 
 '<«« 
 
 
 
 'irum^yn. 
 
 ■Ju
 
 PART I. 
 
 FIRST CANTO 
 
 Cf)c Argument. 
 
 Sir H u D I B R A s /jis pajfing worth, 
 The manner how he Jallyd forth ; 
 His arms arid equipage are JJjewn ; 
 His horfe's virtues and his own. 
 Th' adventure of the bear and fddle 
 Is Jung, but breaks off in the middle.
 
 H U D I B R A S. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 W HEN civil fury firfl grew high, 
 
 And men fell out, they knew not why ; 
 
 When hard words, jealoufies, and fears, 
 
 Set folks together by the ears. 
 
 And made them fight, like mad or drunk, 
 
 For dame Religion as for Punk ;
 
 4 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Whofe honefty they all durft fwear for, 
 Tho' not a man of them knew wherefore i 
 When Gofpel-Trumpeter, furrounded 
 With long-ear d rout, to battle founded, lo 
 And pulpit, drum ecclefiaftick. 
 Was beat with fifl, inftead of a ftick ; 
 Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling. 
 And out he rode a colonelling. 
 
 A Wight he was, whofe very fight wou'd 
 Entitle him Mirror of Knight-hood ; 
 That never bent his ftubborn knee 
 To any thing but chivalry ; 
 Nor put up blow, but that which laid 
 Right worfliipful on ftioulder-blade : 20 
 
 Chief of domeftic knights, and errant, 
 Either for chartel or for warrant : 
 Great on the bench, great in the faddle. 
 That could as well bind o'er, as fwaddle :
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 5 
 
 Mighty he was at both of thefe, 25 
 
 And ftyl'd of War as well as Peace. 
 So fome rats of amphibious nature, 
 Are either for the land or water. 
 But here our authors make a doubt, 
 Whether he were more wife, or flout. 30 
 
 Some hold the one, and fome the other ; 
 But howfoe'er they make a pother. 
 The diff'rence was fo fmall, his brain 
 Outweigh'd his rage but half a grain ; 
 Which made fome take him for a tool 35 
 
 That knaves do work with, call'd a Fool ; 
 And offer'd to lay wagers, that 
 As Montaigne, playing with his cat, 
 Complains flie thought him but an afs. 
 Much more flie wou'd Sir Hudibras : 40 
 
 For that's the name our valiant knight 
 To all his challenges did write.
 
 6 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 But they're miftaken very much, 
 
 'Tis plain enough he was no fuch ; 
 
 We grant, although he had much wit, 45 
 
 H'was very lliy of ufmg it ; 
 
 As being loth to wear it out, 
 
 And therefore bore it not about, 
 
 Unlefs on holy-days, or fo. 
 
 As men their beft apparel do. • 50 
 
 Befide, 'tis known he could fpeak Greek 
 
 As naturally as pigs fqueek : 
 
 That Latin was no more difficile, 
 
 Than to a blackbird 'tis to whifble : 
 
 Being rich in both, he never fcanted ^^ 
 
 His bounty unto fuch as wanted ; 
 
 But much of either wou'd afford 
 
 To many, that had not one word. 
 
 For Hebrew roots, although they're found 
 
 To flourifli mofi: in barren ground, 60
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 7 
 
 He had fuch plenty, as fuf&c' d 
 To make fome think him circumcis'd ; 
 And truly fo, perhaps, he was, 
 'Tis many a pious Chriftian's cafe. 
 
 He was in Logic a great critic, e^ 
 
 Profoundly fkill'd in Analytic ; 
 He could diftinguifli, and divide 
 A hair 'twixt fouth, and fouth-weft fide ; 
 On either fide he would difpute. 
 Confute, change hands, and ftill confute ; 70 
 He'd undertake to prove, by force 
 Of argument, a man's no horfe ; 
 He'd prove a buzzard is no fowl, 
 And that a Lord may be an owl ; 
 A calf an Alderman, a goofe a Juftice, 75 
 
 And rooks Committee-Men, or Truftees. 
 He'd run in debt by difputation. 
 And pay with ratiocination.
 
 8 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 All this by fyllogifm true. 
 
 In mood and figure, he would do. So 
 
 For Rhetoric, he could not ope 
 His mouth, but out there flew a trope : 
 And when he happen'd to break off 
 I'th' middle of his fpeech, or cough, 
 H' had hard words, ready to fliew why, 85 
 
 And tell what rules he did it by. 
 Elfe, when with greatefh art he fpoke, 
 You'd think he talk'd like other folk. 
 For all a Rhetorician's rules 
 Teach nothing but to name his tools. 90 
 
 His ordinary rate of fpeech 
 In loftinefs of found was rich ; 
 A Babylonifli diale6l. 
 Which learned pedants much affe6l ; 
 It was a parti-colour'd drefs 95 
 
 Of patclid and piebald languages :
 
 PART I. CANTO I. 9 
 
 'Twas Englifli cut on Greek and Latin. 
 
 Like fuftian heretofore on fatin. 
 
 It had an odd promifcuous tone, 
 
 As if h' had talk'd three parts in one ; 
 
 Which made fome think, when he did gabble, 
 
 Th' had heard three labourers of Babel ; 
 
 Or Cerberus himfelf pronounce 
 
 A leaili of languages at once. 
 
 This he as volubly would vent, 105 
 
 As if his flock would ne'er be fpent : 
 
 And truly, to fupport that charge. 
 
 He had fupplies as vafl and large. 
 
 For he could coin, or counterfeit 
 
 New words, with little or no wit ; no 
 
 Words fo debas'd and hard, no ftone 
 
 Was hard enough to touch them on ; 
 
 And when with hafty noife he fpoke 'em, 
 
 The ignorant for current took 'em.
 
 lO 
 
 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 That had the orator, who once 115 
 
 Did fill his mouth with pebble ftones 
 When he harangu'd, but known his phrafe. 
 He would have us'd no other ways. 
 
 In Mathematics he was greater 
 Than Tycho Brahe, orErra Pater: 120 
 
 For he, by geometric fcale. 
 Could take the fize of pots of ale ; 
 Refolve, by fines and tangents fiiraight. 
 If bread or butter wanted weight ; 
 And wifely tell what hour o' th' day 125 
 
 The clock does fl:rike, by Algebra. 
 
 Befide, he was a flirewd Philofopher, 
 And had read ev'ry text and glofs over : 
 Whate'er the crabbed'ft author hath, 
 He underftood b' implicit faith : 130
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 11 
 
 Whatever Sceptic could enquire for ; 
 
 For every why he had a wherefore : 
 
 Knew more than forty of them do, 
 
 As far as words and terms could go. 
 
 All which he underftood by rote, 135 
 
 And, as occafion ferv'd, would quote ; 
 
 No matter whether right or wrong, 
 
 They might be either faid or fung. 
 
 His notions fitted things fo well. 
 
 That which was which he could not tell ; 140 
 
 But oftentimes miftook the one 
 
 For th' other, as great clerks have done. 
 
 He could reduce all things to a6ls. 
 
 And knew their natures by abfbra6ls ; 
 
 Where entity and quiddity, 145 
 
 The ghoft of defundl bodies fly ; 
 
 Where Truth in perfon does appear. 
 
 Like words congeal'd in northern air.
 
 12 
 
 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 He knew what's what, and that's as high 
 
 As metaphyfic wit can fly. 150 
 
 In fchool-divinity as able 
 
 As he that hight irrefragable ; 
 
 A fecond Thomas, or at once. 
 
 To name them all, another Duns : 
 
 Profound in all the nominal, 155 
 
 And real ways, beyond them all ; 
 
 And, with as delicate a hand. 
 
 Could twifl as tough a rope of fand ; 
 
 And weave fine cobwebs, fit for fcuU 
 
 That's empty when the moon is full ; 160 
 
 Such as take lodgings in a head 
 
 That's to be let unfurniflied. 
 
 He could raife fcruples dark and nice. 
 
 And after folve 'em in a trice; 
 
 As if Divinity had catch'd 165 
 
 The itch, on purpofe to be fcratch'd ,•
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 13 
 
 Or, like a mountebank, did wound 
 
 And flab herfelf with doubts profound, 
 
 Only to fliew with how fmall pain 
 
 The fores of Faith are curd again ; 1 70 
 
 Altho' by woful proof we find. 
 
 They always leave a fear behind. 
 
 He knew the feat of Paradife, 
 
 Could tell in what degree it lies ; 
 
 And, as he was difpos'd, could prove it, 175 
 
 Below the moon, or elfe above it : 
 
 What Adam dreamt of when his bride 
 
 Came from her clofet in his fide : 
 
 Whether the devil tempted her 
 
 By an High-Dutch interpreter : 180 
 
 If either of them had a navel ,- 
 
 Who firft made mufic malleable : 
 
 Whether the ferpent, at the fall. 
 
 Had cloven feet, or none at all.
 
 14 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 All this without a glofs, or comment, 185 
 
 He could unriddle in a moment, 
 In proper terms, fuch as men fmatter, 
 When they throw out, and mifs the matter. 
 
 For his Religion, it was fit 
 To match his learning and his wit : 190 
 
 'Twas Prefbyterian, true blue. 
 For he was of that ftubborn crew 
 Of errant faints, whom all men grant 
 To be the true church militant: 
 Such as do build their faith upon 195 
 
 The holy text of pike and gun ; 
 Decide all controverfy by 
 Infallible artillery ; 
 And prove their doctrine orthodox 
 By apoftolic blows, and knocks ; 200 
 
 Call fire, and fword, and defolation, 
 A godly-thorough-Reformation,
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 15 
 
 Which always muft be carry'd on, 
 
 And ftill be doing, never done : 
 
 As if Religion were intended 205 
 
 For nothing elfe but to be mended. 
 
 A fe6l, whofe chief devotion lies 
 
 In odd perverfe antipathies : 
 
 In falling out with that or this. 
 
 And finding fomewhat ftill amifs : 210 
 
 More peevifli, crofs, and fplenetic, 
 
 Than dog diflra6l, or monkey Tick. 
 
 That with more care keep holy-day 
 
 The wrong, than others the right way : 
 
 Compound for fins they are inclin'd to, 215 
 
 By damning thofe they have no mind to : 
 
 Still fo perverfe and oppofite, 
 
 As if they worfliip'd God for ipite. 
 
 The felf-fame thing they will abhor 
 
 One way, and long another for. 220
 
 i6 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Free-will they one way difavow, 
 
 Another, nothing elfe allow. 
 
 All piety confifts therein 
 
 In them, in other men all fm. 
 
 Rather than fail, they will defy 225 
 
 That which they love mofl tenderly ; 
 
 Quarrel with minc'dpies, and difparage 
 
 Their beft and deareft friend — plumb-porridge ; 
 
 Fat pig and goofe itfelf oppofe, 
 
 And blafpheme cuftard through the nofe. 
 
 Th' apoftles of this fierce religion. 
 
 Like Mahomet's, were afs and widgeon. 
 
 To whom our knight, by faft inftinfh 
 
 Of wit and temper, was fo linkt, 
 
 As if hypocrify and nonfenfe 235 
 
 Had got th' advowfon of his confcience.
 
 PART u CANTO I. 17 
 
 Thus was he gifted and accouter'd, 
 We mean on th' infide, not the outward : 
 That next of all we fliall difcufs ; 
 Then liften. Sirs, it followeth thus : 240 
 
 His tawny beard was th' equal grace 
 Both of his wifdom and his face ; 
 In cut and dye fo like a tile, 
 A fudden view it would beguile : 
 The upper part thereof was whey, 245 
 
 The nether orange, mixt with grey. 
 This hairy meteor did denounce 
 The fall of fceptres and of crowns ; 
 With grizly type did reprefent 
 Declining age of government, 250 
 
 And tell, with hieroglyphic fpade. 
 Its own grave and the ftate's were made. 
 Like Sampfon's heart-breakers, it grew 
 In time to make a nation rue ;
 
 i8 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Tho' it contributed its own fall, 255 
 
 To wait upon the public downfal : 
 
 It was canonic, and did grow 
 
 In holy orders by ftrid vow : 
 
 Of rule as fullen and fevere 
 
 As that of rigid Cordeliere : 260 
 
 Twas bound to fuffer perfecution 
 
 And martyrdom with refolution ; 
 
 T oppofe itfelf againft the hate 
 
 And vengeance of th' incenfed ftate : 
 
 In whofe defiance it was worn, 265 
 
 Still ready to be pull'd and torn, 
 
 With red-hot irons to be tortur'd, 
 
 Revil'd, and fpit upon, and martyr'd : 
 
 Maugre all which, 'twas to ftand faft. 
 
 As long as monarchy fhould laft; 270 
 
 But when the ftate fliould hap to reel, 
 
 'Twas to fubmit to fatal fteel.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 19 
 
 And fall, as it was confecrate, 
 
 A facrifice to fall of ftate ; 
 
 Whofe thread of life the fatal fiflers 275 
 
 Did twift together with its whifkers. 
 
 And twine fo clofe, that Time fliould never. 
 
 In life or death, their fortunes fever ; 
 
 But with his rufty fickle mow 
 
 Both down together at a blow. 280 
 
 So learned Taliacotius, from 
 
 The brawny part of porter's bum. 
 
 Cut fupplemental nofes, which 
 
 Would lafh as long as parent breech : 
 
 But when the date of Nock was out, 285 
 
 Off dropt the fympathetic fnout. 
 
 His back, or rather burthen, fhow'd 
 As if it ftoop'd with its own load. 
 For as TjEneas bore his fire 
 Upon his flioulders thro' the fire, 290
 
 20 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Our knight did bear no lefs a pack 
 Of his own buttocks on his back : 
 Which now had abiioft got the upper- 
 Hand of his head, for want of crupper. 
 To poife this equally, he bore 295 
 
 A paunch of the fame bulk before : 
 Which ftill he had a fpecial care 
 To keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare ; 
 As white-pot, butter-milk, and curds, 
 Such as a country -houfe affords ; 300 
 
 With other vi(ftual, which anon 
 We farther fliall dilate upon. 
 When of his hofe we come to treat. 
 The cup-board where he kept his meat. 
 
 His doublet was of fturdy buff, 305 
 
 And though not fword, yet cudgel-proof, 
 Whereby 'twas fitter for his ufe. 
 Who fear'd no blows but fuch as bruife.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 21 
 
 His breeches were of rugged woollen, 
 And had been at the fiege of Biillen; 310 
 
 To old King Harry fo well known, 
 Some writers held they were his own. 
 Thro' they were lin'd with many a piece 
 Of amunition-bread and cheefe. 
 And fat black-puddings, proper food 315 
 
 For warriors that delight in blood: 
 For, as we faid, he always chofe 
 To carry vittle in his hofe, 
 That often tempted rats and mice. 
 The ammunition to furprife : 320 
 
 And when he put a hand but in 
 The one or th'other magazine. 
 They ftoutly in defence on't flood, 
 And from the wounded foe drew blood ; 
 And till th'were ftorm'd and beaten out, 325 
 Ne'er left the fortify'd redoubt ;
 
 22 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 And tho' knights errant, as fome think, 
 
 Of old did neither eat nor drink, 
 
 Becaufe when thorough defarts vail, 
 
 And regions defolate, they pall:, 303 
 
 V/here belly-timber above ground. 
 
 Or under, was not to be found, 
 
 Unlefs they graz'd, there's not one word 
 
 Of their provifion on record : 
 
 Which made fome confidently write, 335 
 
 They had no ftomachs but to fight. 
 
 'Tis falfe : for Arthur wore in hall 
 
 Round table like a farthingal. 
 
 On which, with fliirt pull'd out behind. 
 
 And eke before, his good knights din'd. 340 
 
 Tho' 'twas no table fome fuppofe, 
 
 But a huge pair of round trunk-hofe : 
 
 In which he carry'd as much meat. 
 
 As he and all his knights could eat,
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 23 
 
 When laying by their fwords and truncheons. 
 
 They took their breakfafls, or their nuncheons. 
 
 But let that pafs at prefent, left 
 
 We ftiould forget where we digreft ; 
 
 As learned authors ufe, to whom 
 
 We leave it, and to tli purpofe come. 350 
 
 His puiflant fword unto his fide, 
 Near his undaunted heart, was ty'd, 
 With bafket-hilt, that would hold broth, 
 And ferve for fight and dinner both. 
 In it he melted lead for bullets, 355 
 
 To flioot at foes, and fometimes pullets ; 
 To whom he bore fo fell a grutch. 
 He ne'er gave quarter t' any fuch. 
 The trenchant blade, Toledo trufty. 
 For want of fighting was grown rufty, 360 
 
 And ate into itfelf, for lack 
 Of fome body to hew and hack.
 
 24 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 The peaceful fcabbard where it dwelt. 
 
 The rancor of its edge had felt : 
 
 For of the lower end two handful 365 
 
 It had devour'd, 'twas fo manful, 
 
 And fo much fcorn'd to lurk in cafe, 
 
 As if it durft not fliew its face. 
 
 In many defperate attempts. 
 
 Of warrants, exigents, contempts, 370 
 
 It had appear'd with courage bolder 
 
 Than Serjeant Bum invading flioulder: 
 
 Oft had it ta'en pofTeffion, 
 
 And pris'ners too, or made them run. 
 
 This fword a dagger had, his page, 375 
 
 That was but little for his age : 
 And therefore waited on him fo. 
 As dwarfs upon knights errant do. 
 It was a ferviceable dudgeon. 
 Either for fighting or for drudging : 380
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. ir^ 
 
 When it had ftabb'd, or broke a head, 
 
 It would fcrape trenchers, or chip bread, 
 
 Toaft cheefe or bacon, though it were 
 
 To bait a moufe-trap, 'twould not care : 
 
 'Twould make clean fhoes, and in the earth 
 
 Set leeks and onions, and fo forth; 
 
 It had been 'prentice to a brewer. 
 
 Where this, and more, it did endure ; 
 
 But left the trade, as many more 
 
 Have lately done, on the fame fcore. 390 
 
 In th' holfters, at the faddle-bow. 
 Two aged piftols he did flow, 
 Among the furplus of fuch meat 
 As in his hofe he could not get. 
 Thefe would inveigle rats with th' fcent, 395 
 To forage when the cocks were bent ; 
 And fometimes catch 'em with a fnap, 
 As cleverly as th' ableft trap.
 
 26 CANTO I. PAP^T I. 
 
 They were upon hard duty ftill. 
 
 And every night Hood fentinel, 400 
 
 To guard the magazine i' th' hofe, 
 
 From two-legg'd, and from four-legg'd foes. 
 
 Thus clad and fortify'd, Sir Knight, 
 From peaceful home, fet forth to fight. 
 But firil, with nimble adlive force, 405 
 
 He got on th' outfide of his horfe : 
 For having but one ftirrup ty'd 
 T'his faddle, on the further fide, 
 It was fo fliort, h' had much ado 
 To reach it with his defp'rate toe. 410 
 
 But after many ftrains and heaves, 
 He got upon the faddle eaves. 
 From whence he vaulted into th' feat. 
 With fo much vigour, ftrength, and heat, 
 That he had almofl: tumbled over 415 
 
 With his own weight, but did recover,
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 27 
 
 By laying hold on tail and mane, 
 Which oft he us'd inftead of rein. 
 
 But now we talk of mounting fteed. 
 Before we further do proceed, 420 
 
 It doth behove us to fay fomething 
 Of that which bore our valiant bumkin. 
 The beafh was fturdy, large, and tall. 
 With mouth of meal, and eyes of wall; 
 I would fay eye, for h' had but one, 425 
 
 As moft agree, though fome fay none. 
 He was well ftay'd, and in his gait, 
 Preferv'd a grave, majeftic ftate. 
 At fpur or fwitch no more he fkipt. 
 Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipt : 430 
 And yet fo fiery, he would bound. 
 As if he griev'd to touch the ground : 
 That Casfar's horfe, who, as fame goes, 
 Had corns upon his feet and toes.
 
 28 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Was not by half fo tender-hooft, 435 
 
 Nor trod upon the ground fo foft : 
 
 And as that beaft would kneel and ftoop, 
 
 Some write, to take his rider up : 
 
 So Hudibras his, 'tis well known. 
 
 Would often do, to fet him down. 440 
 
 We fhall not need to fay what lack 
 
 Of leather was upon his back : 
 
 For that was hidden under pad, 
 
 And breech of Knight galfd full as bad. 
 
 His flrutting ribs on both fides fliow'd 445 
 
 Like furrows he himfelf had plow'd : 
 
 For underneath the fkirt of pannel, 
 
 'Twixt every two there was a channel. 
 
 His draggling tail hung in the dirt. 
 
 Which on his rider he would flurt ; 450 
 
 Still as his tender fide he prickt. 
 
 With arm'd heel, or with unarm'd, kickt ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO L 29 
 
 For Hudibras wore but one ipur. 
 
 As wifely knowing, could he ftir 
 
 To a6i:ive trot one fide ofs horfe, 455 
 
 The other would not hang an arfe. 
 
 A Squire he had, whofe name was Ralph, 
 That in th' adventure went his half. 
 Though writers, for more ftately tone. 
 Do call him Ralpho, 'tis all one : 460 
 
 And when we can, with metre fafe, 
 We'll call him fo, if not, plain Raph ; 
 For rhyme the rudder is of verfes. 
 With which, like fliips, they fteer their courfes. 
 An equal flock of wit and valour 465 
 
 He had laid in, by birth a taylor. 
 The mighty Tyrian queen that gain'd, 
 With fubtle flireds, a trad of land, 
 Did leave it, with a caftle fair. 
 To his great anceftor, her heir ; 470
 
 oo CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 o 
 
 From him defcended crofs-legg'd knights ; 
 
 Fam'd for their faith and warlike fights 
 
 Againft the bloody Cannibal, 
 
 Whom they deftroy'd both great and fmall. 
 
 This fhurdy Squire had, as well 475 
 
 As the bold Trojan knight, feen hell, 
 
 Not with a comiterfeited pafs 
 
 Of golden bough, but true gold lace. 
 
 His knowledge was not far behind 
 
 The knight's, but of another kind, 480 
 
 And he another way came by't ; 
 
 Some call it gifts, and fome new light. 
 
 A lib'ral art that cofbs no pains 
 
 Of ftudy, indufbry, or brains. 
 
 His wits were fent him for a token, 485 
 
 But in the carriage crack'd and broken. 
 
 Like commendation nine-pence crookt 
 
 With — to and from my love — it lookt.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 31 
 
 He ne'er confiderd it, as loth 
 
 To look a gift-horfe in the mouth ; 490 
 
 And very wifely would lay forth 
 
 No more upon it than 'twas worth. 
 
 But as he got it freely, fo 
 
 He fpent it frank and freely too. 
 
 For faints themfelves will fometimes be, 495 
 
 Of gifts that cofh them nothing, free. 
 
 By means of this, with hem and cough, 
 
 Prolongers to enlighten' d fnuff. 
 
 He could deep myfteries unriddle, 
 
 As eafily as thread a needle ; 500 
 
 For as of vagabonds we fay. 
 
 That they are ne'er befide their way : 
 
 Whate'er men fpeak by this new light, 
 
 Still they are fure to be i' th' right. 
 
 'Tis a dark-lanthorn of the fpirit, 505 
 
 Which none fee by but thofe that bear it;
 
 32 CANTO I. PART I. 
 
 A light that falls down from on high, 
 
 For fpiritual trades to cozen by : 
 
 An ignis fatuus, that bewitches, 
 
 And leads men into pools and ditches, 510 
 
 To make them dip themfelves, and found 
 
 For Chriftendom in dirty pond ; 
 
 To dive, like wild-fowl, for falvation, 
 
 And iifh to catch regeneration. 
 
 This light inlpires, and plays upon 515 
 
 The nofe of faint, like bag-pipe drone. 
 
 And fpeaks through hollow empty foul. 
 
 As through a trunk, or whifp'ring hole. 
 
 Such language as no mortal ear 
 
 But fpiritual eaves-droppers can hear. 520 
 
 So Phoebus, or fome friendly mufe. 
 
 Into fmall poets fong infufe ; 
 
 Which they at fecond-hand rehearfe. 
 
 Thro' reed or bag-pipe, verfe for verfe.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 33 
 
 Thus Ralph became infallible, 525 
 
 As three or four-legg d oracle, 
 The ancient cup, or modern chair ; 
 Spoke truth point-blank, though unaware. 
 
 For myftic learning wondrous able 
 In magic talifman, and cabal, 530 
 
 Whofe primitive tradition reaches. 
 As far as Adam's firft green breeches : 
 . Deep-lighted in intelligences, 
 Ideas, atoms, influences ; 
 
 And much of terra incognita, 535 
 
 Th' intelligible world could fay ; 
 A deep occult philofopher. 
 As learn'd as the wild Irifli are. 
 Or Sir Agrippa, for profound 
 And folid lying nuich renown'd : 540 
 
 He Anthropofophus, and Floud, 
 And Jacob Behmen underfhood ;
 
 34 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Knew many an amulet and charm. 
 
 That would do neither good nor harm : 
 
 In Rofycrucian lore as learned, 545 
 
 As he that vere adeptus earned : 
 
 He underftood the fpeech of birds 
 
 As well as they themfelves do words : 
 
 Could tell what fubtleft parrots mean, 
 
 That fpeak and think contrary clean ; 550 
 
 What member 'tis of whom they talk, 
 
 When they cry Rope — and Walk, Knave, walk. 
 
 He'd extradl numbers out of matter, 
 
 And keep them in a glafs, like water, 
 
 Of fov'reign pow'r to make men wife ; ^^5 
 
 For, dropt in blear, thick-fighted eyes. 
 
 They'd make them fee in darkeft night. 
 
 Like owls, tho' purblind in the light. 
 
 By help of thefe, as he pofleft. 
 
 He had firft matter feen undreft : 560
 
 PART I. CANTO I. 
 
 35 
 
 He took her naked, all alone, 
 
 Before one rag of form was on. 
 
 The chaos too he had defcry'd, 
 
 And feen quite thro', or elfe he ly'd : 
 
 Not that of pafteboard, which men lliew 565 
 
 For groats, at fair of Barthofmew ; 
 
 But its great grandfire, firfh o' th' name, 
 
 Whence that and Reformation came, 
 
 Both coufm-germans, and right able 
 
 T' inveigle and draw in the rabble : 570 
 
 But Reformation was, fome fay, 
 
 O' th' younger houfe to puppet-play. 
 
 He could foretel whats'ever was. 
 
 By confequence, to come to pafs : 
 
 As death of great men, alterations, ^j^ 
 
 Difeafes, battles, inundations : 
 
 All this without th' eclipfe of th' fun, 
 
 Or dreadful comet, he hath done 
 
 k
 
 36 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 By INWARD LIGHT, a way as good. 
 
 And eafy to be underflood : 580 
 
 But with more lucky hit than thofe 
 
 That ufe to make the ftars depofe. 
 
 Like knights o' th' poft, and falfely charge 
 
 Upon themfelves what others forge ; 
 
 As if they were confenting to 585 
 
 All mifchief in the world men do : 
 
 Or, like the devil, did tempt and fway 'em 
 
 To rogueries, and then betray 'em. 
 
 They'll fearch a planet's houfe, to know 
 
 Who broke and robb'd a houfe below; 590 
 
 Examine Venus and the Moon, 
 
 Who ftole a thimble and a fpoon ; 
 
 And tho' they nothing will confefs. 
 
 Yet by their very looks can guefs. 
 
 And tell what guilty afpe6l bodes, 595 
 
 Who ftole, and who receiv'd the goods :
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 37 
 
 They'll queftion Mars, and, by his look, 
 
 Dete6l who 'twas that nimm'd a cloke ; 
 
 Make Mercury confefs, and 'peach 
 
 Thofe thieves which he himfelf did teach. 
 
 They'll find, i' th' phyfiognomies 
 
 O' th' planets, all men's deftinies : 
 
 Like him that took the do6lor's bill, 
 
 And fwallow'd it inftead o' th' pill, 
 
 Caft the nativity o' th' queftion, 605 
 
 And from pofitions to be gueft on. 
 
 As fure as if they knew the moment 
 
 Of Native's birth, tell what will come on't. 
 
 They'll feel the pulfes of the ftars. 
 
 To find out agues, coughs, catarrhs : 610 
 
 And tell what crilis does divine 
 
 The rot in flieep, or mange in fwine : 
 
 In men, what gives or cures the itch, 
 
 What made them cuckolds, poor, or rich ;
 
 38 CANTO L PARTI. 
 
 What gains, or lofes, hangs, or faves, 615 
 What makes men great, what fools, or knaves ; 
 But not what wife, for only of thofe 
 The fhars, they fay, cannot difpofe. 
 No more than can the aftrologians : 
 There they fay right, and like true Trojans. 
 This Ralpho knew, and therefore took 
 The other courfe, of which we fpoke. 
 
 Thus was th' accomplifli'd fquire endu'd 
 With gifts and knowledge per'lous fhrewd : 
 Never did trufty fquire with knight, 625 
 
 Or knight with fquire, e'er jump more right. 
 Their arms and equipage did fit, 
 As well as virtues, parts, and wit : 
 Their valours too, were of a rate, 
 And out they fally'd at the gate. 630 
 
 Few miles on horfeback had they jogged, 
 But fortune unto them turn'd dogged ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 39 
 
 For they a fad adventure met, 
 
 Of which we now prepare to treat : 
 
 But ere we venture to unfold 635 
 
 Achievements fo refolv'd, and bold, 
 
 We fliould, as learned poets ufe. 
 
 Invoke th' affiftance of fome mufe ; 
 
 However critics count it fillier. 
 
 Than jugglers talking t' a familiar : 640 
 
 We think 'tis no great matter which. 
 
 They're all alike, yet we fliall pitch 
 
 On one that fits our purpofe moft. 
 
 Whom therefore thus we do accofl : — 
 
 Thou that with ale, or viler liquors, 645 
 Didft infpire Withers, Pryn, and Vickars, 
 And force them, though it were in fpite 
 Of Nature, and their ftars, to write ; 
 Who, as we find in fuUen writs, 
 And crofs-grain'd works of modern wits, 650
 
 i{o C AN TO I. PART 1. 
 
 With vanity, opinion, want, 
 
 The wonder of the ignorant. 
 
 The praifes of the author, penn'd 
 
 By himfelf, or wit-infuring friend ; 
 
 The itch of pi(5lure in the front, 6^^ 
 
 With bays, and wicked rhyme upon't. 
 
 All that is left o' th' forked hill 
 
 To make men fcribble without fkill ; 
 
 Canft make a poet, fpite of fate, 
 
 And teach all people to tranflate ; 660 
 
 Though out of languages, in which 
 
 They underftand no part of fpeech ; 
 
 Affift me but this once, I'mplore, 
 
 And I lliall trouble thee no more. 
 
 In weftern clime there is a town, 66g 
 
 To thofe that dwell therein well-known. 
 Therefore there needs no more be faid here. 
 We unto them refer our reader ;
 
 PART I. CANTO I. 
 
 41 
 
 For brevity is very good, 
 
 When w' are, or are not underftood. 670 
 
 To this town people did repair 
 
 On days of market, or of fair, 
 
 And to crack'd fiddle, and hoarfe tabor, 
 
 In merriment did drudge and labour ; 
 
 But now a fport more formidable 675 
 
 Had rak'd together village rabble : 
 
 'Twas an old way of recreating. 
 
 Which learned butchers call bear-baiting ; 
 
 A bold advent'rous exercife. 
 
 With ancient heroes in high prize ; 680 
 
 For authors do affirm it came 
 
 From Ifhhmian or Nemsean game ; 
 
 Others derive it from the bear 
 
 That's fix'd in northern hemifphere, 
 
 And round about the pole does make 685 
 
 A circle, like a bear at ftake,
 
 42 
 
 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 That at the chain's end wheels about, 
 
 And overturns the rabble-rout : 
 
 For after folemn proclamation, 
 
 In the bear's name, as is the fafliion, 690 
 
 According to the law of arms. 
 
 To keep men from inglorious harms. 
 
 That none prefume to come fo near 
 
 As forty foot of ftake of bear ; 
 
 If any yet be fo fool-hardy, 695 
 
 T' expofe themfelves to vain jeopardy, 
 
 If they come wounded off, and lame. 
 
 No honour's got by fuch a maim, 
 
 Altho' the bear gain much, b'ing bound 
 
 In honour to make good his ground, 700 
 
 When he's engag'd, and take no notice. 
 
 If any prefs upon him, who 'tis. 
 
 But lets them know, at their own coft. 
 
 That he intends to keep his poft.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 43 
 
 7^5 
 
 This to prevent, and other harms, 
 
 Which ahvays wait on feats of arms, 
 
 For in the hurry of a fray 
 
 'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way. 
 
 Thither the Knight his courfe did fleer, 
 
 To keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear, 710 
 
 As he believ'd he was bound to do 
 
 In confcience, and commiffion too ; 
 
 And therefore thus befpoke the Squire : — 
 
 We that are wifely mounted higher 
 Than conftables in curule wit, 715 
 
 When on tribunal bench we fit. 
 Like fpeculators, fliould forefee. 
 From Pharos of authority. 
 Portended mifchiefs farther than 
 Low proletarian tithing-men : 720 
 
 And therefore being informed by bruit, 
 That dog and bear are to difpute.
 
 44 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 For fo of late men fighting name, 
 
 Becaufe they often prove the fame ; 
 
 For where he firft does hap to be, 725 
 
 The laft does coincidere. 
 
 Quantum m nobis, have thought good 
 
 To fave th' expence of Chriftian blood. 
 
 And try if we, by mediation 
 
 Of treaty, and accommodation, 730 
 
 Can end the quarrel, and compofe 
 
 The bloody duel without blows. 
 
 Are not our liberties, our lives. 
 The laws, religion, and our wives. 
 Enough at once to lie at ftake 735 
 
 For covenant, and the caufe's fake ? 
 But in that quarrel dogs and bears, 
 As well as we, muft venture theirs ? 
 This feud, by Jefuits invented. 
 By evil counfel is fomented ; 740
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 45 
 
 There is a Machiavilian plot, 
 
 Tho' ev'ry nare olfadl it not. 
 
 And deep defign in't to divide 
 
 The well-afFe6led that confide. 
 
 By fetting brother againft brother, 745 
 
 To claw and curry one another. 
 
 Have we not enemies plus fatis, 
 
 That cane et angue pejus hate us ? 
 
 And fliall we turn our fangs and claws 
 
 Upon our own felves, without caufe ^ 750 
 
 That fome occult defign doth lie 
 
 In bloody cynardlomachy. 
 
 Is plain enough to him that knows 
 
 How faints lead brothers by the nofe. 
 
 I wifli myfelf a pfeudo-prophet, yg^ 
 
 But fure fome mifchief will come of it, 
 
 Unlefs by providential wit. 
 
 Or force, we averruncate it.
 
 46 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 For what defign, what intereft. 
 
 Can beaft have to encounter beaft ? 760 
 
 They fight for no efpoufed caufe, 
 
 Frail privilege, fundamental laws, 
 
 Nor for a thorough reformation, 
 
 Nor covenant, nor proteftation, 
 
 Nor liberty of confciences, ^6^ 
 
 Nor lords' and commons' ordinances ; 
 
 Nor for the church, nor for church-lands, 
 
 To get them in their own no hands ; 
 
 Nor evil counfellors to bring 
 
 To juftice, that feduce the king ; 770 
 
 Nor for the worfliip of us men, 
 
 Tho' we have done as much for them. 
 
 Th' Egyptians worfliipp'd dogs, and for 
 
 Their faith made fierce and zealous war. 
 
 Others ador'd a rat, and fome jj^ 
 
 For that church fuffer'd martyrdom.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 47 
 
 The Indians fought for the truth 
 
 Of th' elephant, and monkey's tooth ; 
 
 And many, to defend that faith, 
 
 Fought it out mordicus to death ; 780 
 
 But no beaft ever was fo flight, 
 
 For man, as for his God, to fight. 
 
 They had more wit, alas ! and know 
 
 Themfelves and us better than fo : 
 
 But we who only do infufe 785 
 
 The rage in them like boute-feus, 
 
 'Tis our example that inftils 
 
 In them th' infection of our ills. 
 
 For, as fome late philofophers 
 
 Have well obferv'd, beafts that converfe 790 
 
 With man take after him, as hogs 
 
 Get pigs all the year, and bitches dogs. 
 
 Juft fo, by our example, cattle 
 
 Learn to give one another battle.
 
 48 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 We read, in Nero's time, the Heathen, 795 
 When they deftroy'd the Chriflian brethren, 
 They few'd them in the fkins of bears. 
 And then fet dogs about their ears ; 
 From whence, no doubt, th' invention came 
 Of this lewd antichriftian game. 800 
 
 To this, quoth Ralpho, verily 
 The point feems very plain to me ; 
 It is an antichriftian game. 
 Unlawful both in thing and name. 
 Firfh, for the name ; the word bear-baiting 
 Is carnal, and of man's creating ; 
 For certainly there's no fuch word 
 In all the Scripture on record ; 
 Therefore unlawful, and a fm ; 
 And fo is, fecondly, the thing: 810 
 
 A vile aiTembly 'tis, that can 
 No more be prov'd by Scripture, than
 
 PART I. CANTO I. 
 
 49 
 
 Provincial, claflic, national; 
 
 Mere human creature-cobwebs all. 
 
 Thirdly, It is idolatrous ; 81.'; 
 
 For when men run a-whoring thus 
 
 With their inventions, whatfoe'er 
 
 The thing be, whether dog or bear, 
 
 It is idolatrous and pagan. 
 
 No lefs than worfliipping of dagon. 820 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, I fmell a rat ; 
 Ralpho, thou doft prevaricate : 
 For tho' the thefis which thou lay'ft 
 Be true, ad amuffim, as thou fay'fb ; 
 For the bear-baiting fliould appear, 825 
 
 Jure divino, lawfuller 
 Than fynods are, thou doft deny, 
 Totidem verbis — fo do I ; 
 Yet there's a fallacy in this ; 
 For if by fly homasofis, 830
 
 50 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 Thou wouldft fophiftically imply 
 Both are unlawful — I deny. 
 
 And I, quoth Ralpho, do not doubt 
 But bear-baiting may be made out. 
 In gofpel-times, as lawful as is 835 
 
 Provincial, or parochial claflis ; 
 And that both are fo near of kin. 
 And like in all, as well as fin, 
 That, put 'em in a bag and fliake 'em, 
 Yourfelf o' th' fudden would miftake 'em, 840 
 And not know which is which, unlefs 
 You meafure by their wickednefs ; 
 For 'tis not hard t' imagine whether 
 O' th' two is word, tho' I name neither. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, Thou offer'fl much, 845 
 But art not able to keep touch.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 51 
 
 Mira de lente, as 'tis i' th' adage, 
 
 Id eft, to make a leek a cabbage ; 
 
 Thou canft at beft but overftrain 
 
 A paradox, and th' own hot brain ; 850 
 
 For what can fynods have at all 
 
 With bear that's analogical ? 
 
 Or what relation has debating 
 
 Of church-affairs with bear-baiting ? 
 
 A juft comparifon ftill is 855 
 
 Of things ejufdem generis : ' 
 
 And then what genus rightly doth 
 
 Include, and comprehend them both ? 
 
 If animal, both of us may 
 
 As juflly pafs for bears as they ; 860 
 
 For we are animals no lefs, 
 
 Altho' of diff'rent fpeciefes. 
 
 But, Ralpho, this is no fit place. 
 
 Nor time, to argue out the cafe :
 
 5^ 
 
 CANTO I. PARTI. 
 
 For now the field is not far off, 865 
 
 Where we muft give the world a proof 
 
 Of deeds, not words, and fuch as fuit 
 
 Another manner of difpute : 
 
 A confroverfy that affords 
 
 A6lions for arguments, not words; 870 
 
 Which we muft manage at a rate 
 
 Of prowefs, and condudl adequate 
 
 To what our place, and fame doth promife. 
 
 And all the godly expedl from us. 
 
 Nor ftiall they be deceiv'd, unlefs 875 
 
 Ware flurr'd and outed by fuccefs ; 
 
 Succefs, the mark no mortal wit, 
 
 Or fureft hand can always hit : 
 
 For whatfoe'er we perpetrate. 
 
 We do but row, w' are fteer'd by fate, 880 
 
 Which in fuccefs oft' difinherits. 
 
 For fpurious caufes, nobleft merits.
 
 PARTI. CANTO I. 
 
 53 
 
 Great adlions are not always true fbns 
 
 Of great and mighty refolutions ; 
 
 Nor do the bold'fh attempts bring forth 885 
 
 Events flill equal to their worth ; 
 
 But fometimes fail, and in their ftead 
 
 Fortune and cowardice fucceed. 
 
 Yet we have no great caufe to doubt. 
 
 Our adlions flill have borne us out ; 890 
 
 Which, tho' they're known to be fo ample. 
 
 We need not copy from example ; 
 
 We're not the only perfons durft 
 
 Attempt this province, nor the firft. 
 
 In northern clime a val'rous knight 895 
 
 Did whilom kill his bear in fight, 
 And wound a fiddler : we have both 
 Of thefe the objedls of our wroth, 
 And equal fame and glory from 
 Th' attempt, or vidlory to come. 900
 
 54 CANTO I. PART I. 
 
 'Tis fung, there is a valiant Mamaluke, 
 
 In foreign land, yclep'd 
 
 To whom we have been off compar d 
 
 For perfon, parts, addrefs, and beard ; 
 
 Both equally reputed flout, 905 
 
 And in the fame caufe both have fought : 
 
 He oft', in iuch attempts as thefe. 
 
 Came off with glory and fuccefs : 
 
 Nor will we fail in th' execution, 
 
 For want of equal refolution. 910 
 
 Honour is, like a widow, won 
 
 With brifk attempt and putting on ; 
 
 With ent'ring manfully, and urging ; 
 
 Not flow approaches, like a virgin. 
 
 This faid, as once the Phrygian knight. 
 So ours, with rufhy fteel did fmite 
 His Trojan horfe, and jufl as much 
 He mended pace upon the touch ;
 
 PART I. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 55 
 
 But from his empty ftomach groan'd, 
 
 Juft as that hollow beaft did found, 920 
 
 And, angry, anfwer'd from behind. 
 
 With brandifli'd tail and blaft of wind. 
 
 So have I feen, with armed heel, 
 A Wight beftride a Commonweal, 
 While ftill the more he kick'd and fpurr'd, 925 
 The lefs the fullen jade has ftirr'd.
 
 PART I. 
 
 SECOND CANTO. 
 
 Ci)e ^Irsument. 
 
 'The catalogue and charaSler 
 
 Of tld enemies beji men of war. 
 
 Whom, hi a bold harangue, the Knight 
 
 Defies, and challenges to fight : 
 
 H' encounters Talgol, routs the Bear, 
 
 And takes the Fiddler prifoner. 
 
 Conveys him to enchanted cafile. 
 
 There finds him fafi in wooden Bafiile.
 
 Par/- /. Caiiiv X. Lui,: SO'/. 
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 CANTO 11. 
 
 1 HERE was an ancient fage philofopher 
 That had read Alexander Rofs over. 
 And fwore the world, as he could prove, 
 Was made of fighting, and of love. 
 Jiifh fo romances are, for what elfe 
 Is in them all but love and battles ?
 
 Go CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 O' th' firft of thefe w' have no great matter 
 
 To treat of, but a world o' th' latter. 
 
 In which to do the mjur'd right, 
 
 We mean in what concerns juft fight. lo 
 
 Certes, our Authors are to blame, 
 
 For to make fome well-founding name 
 
 A pattern fit for modern knights 
 
 To copy out in frays and fights, 
 
 Like thofe that do a whole ftreet raze, 15 
 
 To build another in the place ; 
 
 They never care how many others 
 
 They kill, without regard of mothers, 
 
 Or wives, or children, fo they can 
 
 Make up fome fierce, dead-doing man, 20 
 
 Compos'd of many ingredient valours, 
 
 Juft like the manhood of nine taylors : 
 
 So a wild Tartar, when he fpies 
 
 A man that's handfome, valiant, wife.
 
 PART I. CANTO II. 61 
 
 If he can kill him, thinks t' inherit 25 
 
 His wit, his beauty, and his fpirit ; 
 
 As if juft fo much he enjoy'd, 
 
 As in another is deflroy'd : 
 
 For when a giant's flain in iight. 
 
 And mow'd o'erthwart, or cleft downright. 
 
 It is a heavy cafe, no doubt, 
 
 A man fliould have his brains beat out, 
 
 Becaufe he's tall, and has large bones, 
 
 As men kill beavers for their ftones. 
 
 But, as for our part, we fliall tell 35 
 
 The naked truth of what befel. 
 
 And as an equal friend to both 
 
 The Knight and Bear, but more to troth ; 
 
 With neither fadlion fliall take part. 
 
 But give to each a due defert, 40 
 
 And never coin a formal lie on't. 
 
 To make the Knight o'ercome the giant.
 
 62 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 This b'ing profeft, we've hopes enough, 
 And now go on where we left oiF. 
 
 They rode, but authors having not 45 
 
 Determin'd whether pace or trot, 
 That is to fay, whether toUutation, 
 As they do term't, or fuccuffation, 
 We leave it, and go on, as now 
 Suppofe they did, no matter how ; 50 
 
 Yet fome, from fubtle hints, have got 
 Myfterious light it was a trot : 
 But let that pafs ; they now begun 
 To fpur their living engines on : 
 For as whipp'd tops and bandy'd balls, 55 
 
 The learned hold, are animals ; 
 So horfes they affirm to be 
 Mere engines made by geometry, 
 And were invented firft from engines, 
 As Indian Britains were from Penguins. 60
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 63 
 
 So let them be, and, as I was faying, 
 
 They their live engines ply'd, not flaying 
 
 Until they reach'd the fatal champaign 
 
 Which th' enemy did then encamp on ; 
 
 The dire Pharfalian plain, where battle 65 
 
 Was to be wag'd 'twixt pyiflant cattle, 
 
 And fierce auxiliary men. 
 
 That came to aid their brethren ; 
 
 Who now began to take the field, 
 
 As knight from ridge of fteed beheld. 70 
 
 For, as our modern wits behold. 
 
 Mounted a pick-back on the old. 
 
 Much farther off, much farther he 
 
 Rais'd on his aged beaft, could fee ; 
 
 Yet not fufRcient to defcry j^ 
 
 All poflures of the enemy : 
 
 Wherefore he bids the fquire ride further, 
 
 T' obferve their numbers, and their order.
 
 64 CANTO II. PART h 
 
 That when their motions they had known, 
 
 He might know how to fit his own. 80 
 
 Mean-while he flopp'd his willing fteed, 
 
 To fit himfelf for martial deed : 
 
 Both kinds of metal he prepar'd, 
 
 Either to give blows, or to ward ; 
 
 Corn-age and fteel, both of great force, 85 
 
 Prepar'd for better, or for worfe. 
 
 His death-charg'd pifhols he did fit well, 
 
 Drawn out from life-preferving vittle ; 
 
 Thefe being prim'd, with force he labour'd 
 
 To free 's blade from retentive fcabbard ; 90 
 
 And after many a painful pluck. 
 
 From rufty durance he bail'd tuck : 
 
 Then fliook himfelf, to fee what prowefs 
 
 In fcabbard of his arms fat loofe ; 
 
 And, rais'd upon his defp'rate foot, 95 
 
 On ftirrup-fide he gaz'd about.
 
 PART I. CANTO II. 65 
 
 Portending blood, like blazing ftar, 
 The beacon of approaching war. 
 
 The Squire advanc'd with greater fpeed 
 Than could b' expelled from his fteed ; 100 
 But far more in returning made ; 
 For now the foe he had furvey'd, 
 Rang'd, as to him they did appear, 
 With van, main-battle, wings, and rear. 
 r th' head of all this warlike rabble, 105 
 
 Crowdero march'd expert and able. 
 Inftead of trumpet, and of drum. 
 That makes the warrior s ftomach come, 
 Whofe noife whets valour fliarp, like beer 
 By thunder turn'd to vinegar; no 
 
 For if a trumpet found, or drum beat. 
 Who has not a month's mind to combat } 
 A fqueaking engine he apply'd 
 Unto his neck, on north-eaft fide.
 
 66 CANTO 11. PARTI. 
 
 Juft where the hangman does difpofe, 115 
 
 To fpecial friends, the fatal noofe : 
 
 For 'tis great grace, when ftatefmen fhraight 
 
 Difpatch a friend, let others wait. 
 
 His warped ear hung o'er the ftrings. 
 
 Which was but foufe to chitterlings: 120 
 
 For guts, fome write, ere they are fodden, 
 
 Are fit for mufic, or for pudden ; 
 
 From whence men borrow ev ry kind 
 
 Of minftrelfy, by ftring or wind. 
 
 His grifly beard was long and thick, 125 
 
 With which he ftrung his fiddleftick ; 
 
 For he to horfe-tail fcorn'd to owe 
 
 For what on his own chin did grow. 
 
 Chiron, the four-legg'd bard, had both 
 
 A beard and tail of his own growth ; 1 30 
 
 And yet by authors 'tis averr'd. 
 
 He made ufe only of his beard.
 
 PART I. CAN T O II. 67 
 
 In Staffordfliire, where virtuous worth 
 Does raife the minftrelfv, not birth : 
 Where bulls do choofe the boldeft king, 135 
 And ruler o'er the men of ftring, 
 As once in Perfia, 'tis faid, 
 Kings were proclaim'd by a horfe that neigh'd ; 
 He, bravely vent'ring at a crown. 
 By chance of war was beaten down, 140 
 
 And wounded fore : his leg then broke. 
 Had got a deputy of oak ; 
 For when a fliin in fight is cropt, 
 The knee with one of timber's propt, 
 Efteem'd more honourable than the other, 
 And takes place, tho' the younger brother. 
 
 Next march'd brave Orfm, famous for 
 Wife condu6l, and fuccefs in war; 
 A fkilful leader, ftout, fevere. 
 Now marfhal to the champion bear. 150
 
 68 CANTO II. PART I. 
 
 With truncheon tipp'd with iron head, 
 
 The warrior to the lifts he led; 
 
 With folemn march, and ftately pace, 
 
 But far more grave and folemn face ; 
 
 Grave as the emperor of Pegu, 155 
 
 Or Spanifli potentate, Don Diego. 
 
 This leader was of knowledge great. 
 
 Either for charge, or for retreat : 
 
 Knew when t' engage his bear pell-mell, 
 
 And when to bring him off as well. 160 
 
 So lawyers, left the bear defendant, 
 
 And plaintiff dog, fiiould make an end on't. 
 
 Do flave and tail with writs of error, 
 
 Reverfe of judgment, and demurrer. 
 
 To let them breathe awhile, and then 165 
 
 Cry whoop, and fet them on agen. 
 
 As Romulus a wolf did rear. 
 
 So he was dry-nurs'd by a bear.
 
 PART I. CANTO II. 69 
 
 That fed him with the purchas'd prey 
 
 Of many a fierce and bloody fray ; 1 70 
 
 Bred up, where difcipline moft rare is. 
 
 In military garden Paris : 
 
 For foldiers heretofore did grow 
 
 In gardens, jufh as weeds do now. 
 
 Until fome fplayfoot politicians 175 
 
 T Apollo offer'd up petitions. 
 
 For licenfmg a new invention 
 
 They' ad found out of an antique engin. 
 
 To root out all the weeds, that grow 
 
 In public gardens, at a blow, 180 
 
 And leave th' herbs ftanding. Quoth Sir Sun, 
 
 My friends, that is not to be done. 
 
 Not done 1 quoth Statefmen : Yes, an't pleafe ye. 
 
 When 'tis once known you'll fay 'tis eafy. 
 
 Why then let's know it, quoth Apollo : 185 
 
 We'll beat a drum, and they'll all follow.
 
 70 
 
 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 A drum ! quoth Phoebus, Troth that's true, 
 
 A pretty invention, quaint and new : 
 
 But tho' of voice and inftrument 
 
 We are, 'tis true, chief prefident, 1 90 
 
 We fuch loud mulic do n't profefs. 
 
 The devil's mafter of that office. 
 
 Where it mufh pafs ; if't be a drum. 
 
 He'll fign it with Cler. Pari. Dom. Com. 
 
 To him apply yourfelves, and he 195 
 
 Will foon difpatch you for his fee. 
 
 They did fo, but it prov'd fo ill, 
 
 They'ad better let 'em grow there ftill. 
 
 But to refume what we difcourfmg 
 
 Were on before, that is, ftout Orfm ; 200 
 
 That which fo oft' by fundry writers. 
 
 Has been apply'd t' almofh all fighters, 
 
 More juftly may b' afcrib'd to this 
 
 Than any other warrior, viz.
 
 PART I. CANTO II. 
 
 71 
 
 None ever afted both parts bolder, 205 
 
 Both of a chieftain and a foldier. 
 
 He was of great defcent, and high 
 
 For fplendor and antiquity. 
 
 And from celeftial origine, 
 
 Deriv'd himfelf in a right line ; 210 
 
 Not as the ancient heroes did. 
 
 Who, that their bafe births might be hid, 
 
 Knowing they were of doubtful gender. 
 
 And that they came in at a win dor e, 
 
 Made Jupiter himfelf, and others 215 
 
 O' th' gods, gallants to their own mothers. 
 
 To get on them a race of champions. 
 
 Of which old Homer firft made lampoons ; 
 
 Ar6lophylax, in northern fphere. 
 
 Was his undoubted anceftor ; 220 
 
 From whom his great forefathers came, 
 
 And in all ages bore his name :
 
 72 CANTO II. PART I. 
 
 Leani'd he was in med'c'nal lore, 
 
 For by his fide a pouch he wore, 
 
 Replete with ftrange hermetic powder. 
 
 That wounds nine miles point-blank would folder: 
 
 By fkilful chymift, with great coft, 
 
 Extracted from a rotten poft ; 
 
 But of a heav'nlier influence 
 
 Than that which mountebanks difpenfe; 230 
 
 Tho' by Promethean fii-e made, 
 
 As they do quack that drive that trade. 
 
 For as when flovens do amifs 
 
 At others' doors, by flool or pifs. 
 
 The learned write, a red-hot fpit 235 
 
 B'ing prudently apply'd to it, 
 
 Will convey mifchief from the dung 
 
 Unto the part that did the Avrong ; 
 
 So this did healing, and as fure 
 
 As that did mifchief, this would cure. 240
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 73 
 
 Thus virtuous Orfin was eiidu'd 
 
 With learning, condu6l, fortitude 
 
 Incomparable ; and as the prince 
 
 Of poets, Homer, fung long fince, 
 
 A fkilful leech is better far, 245 
 
 Than half a hundred men of war ; 
 
 So he appear'd, and by his fkill, 
 
 No lefs than dint of fword, cou'd kill. 
 
 The gallant Bruin march' d next him, 
 With vifage formidably grim, 250 
 
 And rugged as a Saracen, 
 Or Turk of Mahomet's own kin, 
 Clad in a mantle de la guerre 
 Of rough, impenetrable fur ; 
 And in his nofe, like Indian king, 255 
 
 He wore, for ornament, a ring ; 
 About his neck a threefold gorget. 
 As rough as trebled leathern target;
 
 74 
 
 CANTO 11. PARTI. 
 
 Armed, as heralds cant, and languid, 
 
 Or, as the vulgar fay, fliarp-fanged : 260 
 
 For as the teeth in beafts of prey 
 
 Are fwords, with which they fight in fray. 
 
 So fwords, in men of war, are teeth. 
 
 Which they do eat their vittle with. 
 
 He was, by biith, fome authors write, ^^5 
 
 A Ruffian, fome a Mufcovite, 
 
 And 'mong the Coffacks had been bred, 
 
 Of whom we in diurnals read. 
 
 That ferve to fill up pages here. 
 
 As with their bodies ditches there, 270 
 
 Scrimanfky was his coufin-german. 
 
 With whom he ferv'd, and fed on vermine ; 
 
 And, when thefe fail'd, he'd fuck his claws. 
 
 And quarter himfelf upon his paws : 
 
 And tho' his countrymen, the Huns, 275 
 
 Did flew their meat between their bums
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 
 
 75 
 
 And th' horfes' backs o'er which they ftraddle, 
 
 And ev'ry man ate up his faddle ; 
 
 He was not half fo nice as they, 
 
 But ate it raw when't came in's way. 280 
 
 He had trac'd countries far and near, 
 
 More than Le Blanc the traveller, 
 
 Who writes, he Tpous'd in India, 
 
 Of noble houfe, a lady gay. 
 
 And got on her a race of worthies, 285 
 
 As flout as any upon earth is. 
 
 Full many a fight for him between 
 
 Talgol and Orfin oft' had been. 
 
 Each ftriving to deferve the crown 
 
 Of a fav'd citizen ; the one 290 
 
 To guard his bear, the other fought 
 
 To aid his dog ; both made more ftout 
 
 By fev'ral fpurs of neighbourhood, 
 
 Church-fellow-memberfhip, and blood ;
 
 y6 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 But Talgol, mortal foe to cows, 295 
 
 Never got aught of him but blows ; 
 Blows hard and heavy, fuch as he 
 Had lent, repaid with ufury. 
 
 Yet Talgol was of courage flout, 
 And vanquifli'd oft'ner than he fought ; 300 
 Inur'd to labour, fweat, and toil. 
 And, like a champion, ftione with oil ; 
 Right many a widow his keen blade, 
 And many fatherlefs had made ; 
 He many a boar, and huge dun cow 305 
 
 Did, like another Guy, o'erthrow ; 
 But Guy, with him in fight compar'd, 
 Had like the boar or dun-cow far'd : 
 With greater troops of flieep h' had fought 
 Than Ajax, or bold Don Quixot; 310 
 
 And many a ferpent of fell kind. 
 With wings before, and flings behind,
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 77 
 
 Subdu'd; as poets fay, long agone, 
 
 Bold Sir George Saint George did the dragon. 
 
 Nor engine, nor device polemic, 
 
 Difeafe, nor doftor epidemic, 
 
 Tho' ftor'd with deletery med'cines. 
 
 Which whofoever took is dead fmce. 
 
 E'er fent fo vaft a colony 
 
 To both the under worlds as he ; 320 
 
 For he was of that noble trade 
 
 That demi-gods and heroes made, 
 
 Slaughter, and knocking on the head. 
 
 The trade to which they all were bred ; 
 
 And is, like others, glorious when 3^5 
 
 'Tis great and large, but bafe, if mean : 
 
 The former rides in triumph for it. 
 
 The latter in a two-wheel'd chariot. 
 
 For daring to profane a thing 
 
 So facred, with vile bungling. 330
 
 78 CANTO IL parti. 
 
 Next thefe the brave Magnano came, 
 Magnano, great in martial fame ; 
 Yet, when with Orfin he wag'd fight, 
 'Tis fung he got but little by 't : 
 Yet he was fierce as foreft boar, 335 
 
 Whofe fpoils upon his back he wore, 
 As thick as Ajax feven-fold fliield. 
 Which o'er his brazen arms he held ; 
 But brafs was feeble to refift 
 The fury of his armed fift ; 340 
 
 Nor could the hardeft iron hold out 
 Againft his blows, but they would through 't. 
 In magic he was deeply read. 
 As he that made the brazen head ; 
 Profoundly fkill'd in the black art, 345 
 
 As Englifli Merlin, for his heart ; 
 But far more fkilful in the fpheres, 
 Than he was at the fieve and fliears.
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 
 
 79 
 
 He cou'd transform himfelf to colour, 
 
 As like the devil as a collier ; 350 
 
 As like as hypocrites in fliow 
 
 Are to true faints, or crow to crow. 
 
 Of warlike engines he was author, 
 
 Devis'd for quick difpatch of flaughter : 
 
 The cannon, blunderbufs, and faker, 355 
 
 He was th' inventor of, and maker : 
 
 The trumpet and the kettle-drum 
 
 Did both from his invention come. 
 
 He was the firft that e'er did teach 
 
 To make, and how to flop, a breach. 360 
 
 A lance he bore with iron pike, 
 
 Th' one half wou'd thruft, the other ftrike ; 
 
 And when their forces he had join d, 
 
 He fcorn'd to turn his parts behind.
 
 8o CANTO II. PART I. 
 
 He Trulla lov'd, Trulla more bright 365 
 Than burnifli'd armour of her knight ; 
 A bold virago, ftout, and tall, 
 As Joan of France, or Engliih Mall : 
 Thro' perils both of wind and limb. 
 Thro' thick and thin flie follow 'd him 370 
 
 In ev'ry adventure h' undertook. 
 And never him, or it forfook : 
 At breach of wall, or hedge furprife. 
 She fliar'd i' th' hazard, and the prize ; 
 At beating quarters up, or forage, 375 
 
 Behav'd herfelf with matchlefs courage. 
 And laid about in fight more bufily 
 Than th' Amazonian Dame Penthefile. 
 And tho' fome critics here cry fliame. 
 And fay our authors are to blame, 380 
 
 That, fpight of all philofophers. 
 Who hold no females flout but bears.
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 81 
 
 And heretofore did fo abhor 
 
 That women fliould pretend to war, 
 
 They would not fuffer the flout'ft dame 385 
 
 To fv/ear by Hercules his name ; 
 
 Make feeble ladies, in their works. 
 
 To fight like termagants and Turks; 
 
 To lay their native arms afide, 
 
 Their modefty, and ride aftride ; 390 
 
 To run a-tilt at men, and wield 
 
 Their naked tools in open field; 
 
 As fhout Armida, bold Thaleftris, 
 
 And file that would have been the miftrefs 
 
 Of Gundibert, but he had grace, 395 
 
 And rather took a country lafs : 
 
 They fay 'tis falfe, without all fenfe. 
 
 But of pernicious confequence 
 
 To government, which they fiippofe 
 
 Can never be upheld in profe : 400
 
 82 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Strip nature naked to the fkin. 
 
 You'll find about her no fuch thing. 
 
 It may be fo, yet what we tell 
 
 Of Trulla, that's improbable. 
 
 Shall be depos'd by thofe have feen 't, 405 
 
 Or, what's as good, produc'd in print ; 
 
 And if they will not take our word, 
 
 We'll prove it true upon record. 
 
 The upright Cerdon next advanc't. 
 Of all his race the valiant 'ft; 410 
 
 Cerdon the Great, renown'd in fong. 
 Like Herc'les, for repair of wrong : 
 He rais'd the low, and fortify'd 
 The weak againft the ftrongefh fide : 
 111 has he read, that never hit 415 
 
 On him in mufes' deathlefs writ. 
 He had a weapon keen and fierce, 
 That thro' a bull-hide fliield would pierce,
 
 PART I. C A N T O II. 83 
 
 And cut it in a thoufand pieces, 
 
 Tho' tougher than the Knight of Greece his, 
 
 With whom his black-thumb'd anceftor 
 
 Was comrade in the ten years' war : 
 
 For when the reftlefs Greeks fat down 
 
 So many years before Troy town, 
 
 And were renown'd, as Homer writes, 425 
 
 For well-fol'd boots no lefs than fights. 
 
 They ow'd that glory only to 
 
 His anceftor, that made them fo. 
 
 Faft friend he was to reformation, 
 
 Until 'twas worn quite out of fafliion; 430 
 
 Next redlifier of wry law. 
 
 And would make three to cure one flaw. 
 
 Learned he was, and could take note, 
 
 Tranfcribe, collefl, tranflate, and quote : 
 
 But preaching was his chiefeft talent, 435 
 
 Or argument, in which being valiant.
 
 84 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 He us'd to lay about, and ftickle, 
 
 Like ram or bull at conventicle : 
 
 For difputants, like rams and bulls, 
 
 Do fight with arms that fpring from fculls. 
 
 Laft Colon came, bold man of war, 
 Deftin'd to blows by fatal ftar ; 
 Right expert in command of horfe. 
 But cruel, and without remorfe. 
 That which of Centaur long ago 445 
 
 Was faid, and has been wrefted to 
 Some other knights, was true of this : 
 He and his horfe were of a piece : 
 One fpirit did inform them both. 
 The felf-fame vigour, fury, wroth ; 450 
 
 Yet he was much the rougher part, 
 And always had the harder heart, 
 Altho' his horfe had been of thofe 
 That fed on man's flefli, as fame goes :
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 85 
 
 Strange food for horfe ! and yet, alas ! 455 
 
 It may be true, for flefli is grafs. 
 
 Sturdy he was, and no lefs able 
 
 Than Hercules to cleanfe a ftable ; 
 
 As great a drover, and as great 
 
 A critic too, in hog or neat. 460 
 
 He ripp'd the womb up of his mother. 
 
 Dame Tellus, 'caufe flie wanted fother. 
 
 And provender, wherewith to feed 
 
 Himfelf and his lefs cruel fteed. 
 
 It was a queftion whether he, 465 
 
 Or 's horfe, were of a family 
 
 More worfliipful ; 'till antiquaries. 
 
 After th' ad almoft por'd out their eyes. 
 
 Did very learnedly decide 
 
 The bus'nefs on the horfe's fide, 470 
 
 And prov'd not only horfe, but cows. 
 
 Nay pigs, were of the elder houfe :
 
 86 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 For beafts, when man was but a piece 
 Of earth himfelf, did th' earth poflefs. 
 
 Thefe worthies were the chief that led 
 The combatants each in the head 
 Of his command, with arms and rage. 
 Ready and longing to engage. 
 The num'rous rabble was drawn out 
 Of fev'ral countries round about, 480 
 
 From villages remote, and fliires. 
 Of eaft and weftern hemifpheres. 
 From foreign parifties and regions, 
 Of different manners, fpeech, religions, 
 Came men and maftiffs; fome to fight 485 
 For fame and honour, fome for fight. 
 And now the field of death, the lifts, 
 Were enter'd by antagonifts, 
 And blood was ready to be broach'd. 
 When Hudibras in hafle approach'd, 490
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 87 
 
 With Squire and weapons to attack 'em ; 
 But firft thus from his horfe befpake 'em : 
 
 What rage, O Citizens ! what fury 
 Doth you to thefe dire aftions hurry ? 
 What oeftrum, what phrenetic mood 495 
 
 Makes you thus laviih of your blood. 
 While the proud vies your trophies boaft, 
 
 And, unreveng'd, walks ghoft ? 
 
 What towns, what garrifons might you. 
 
 With hazard of this blood, fubdue, 500 
 
 Which now y' are bent to throw away 
 
 In vain, untriumphable fray ? 
 
 Shall faints in civil bloodflied wallow 
 
 Of faints, and let the caufe lie fallow ? 
 
 The caufe, for which we fought and fwore 505 
 
 So boldly, fliall we now give o'er ?
 
 88 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Then, becaufe quarrels ftill are feen 
 
 With oaths and fwearings to begin, 
 
 The folemn league and covenant 
 
 Will feem a mere God-dam-me rant, 510 
 
 And we that took it, and have fought. 
 
 As lewd as di'unkards that fall out: 
 
 For as we make war for the king 
 
 Againft himfelf, the felf-fame thing 
 
 Some will not ftick to fwear we do 515 
 
 For God, and for religion too ; 
 
 For if bear-baiting we allow, 
 
 What good can reformation do ? 
 
 The blood and treafure that's laid out 
 
 Is thrown away, and goes for nought. 520 
 
 Are thefe the fruits o' th' proteftation. 
 
 The prototype of reformation. 
 
 Which all the faints, and fome, fince martyrs. 
 
 Wore in their hats like wedding-garters,
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 89 
 
 When 'twas refolved by their houfe, 525 
 
 Six members' quarrel to efpoufe ? 
 
 Did they for this draw down the rabble. 
 
 With zeal, and noifes formidable ; 
 
 And make all cries about the town 
 
 Join throats to cry the bifliops down } 530 
 
 Who having round begirt the palace, 
 
 As once a month they do the gallows, 
 
 As members gave the fign about, 
 
 Set up their throats with hideous fliout. 
 
 When tinkers bawl'd aloud, to fettle 535 
 
 Church-difcipline, for patching kettle. 
 
 No fow-gelder did blow his horn 
 
 To geld a cat, but cry'd Reform. 
 
 The oyfter-women lock'd their fifli up. 
 
 And trudg'd away to cry No Bifliop : 540 
 
 The moufetrap-men laid fave-alls by. 
 
 And 'gainft ev'l counfellors did cry.
 
 90 
 
 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Botchers left old clothes in the lurch, 
 
 And fell to turn and patch the church. 
 
 Some cry'd the covenant, inftead 545 
 
 Of pudding-pies and ginger-bread : 
 
 And fome for brooms, old boots, and flioes, 
 
 Bawl'd out to purge the common's houfe : 
 
 Inftead of kitchen-ftuff, fome cry 
 
 A gofpel-preaching-miniftry : 550 
 
 And fome for old fuits, coats, or cloak. 
 
 No furplices, nor fer vice-book. 
 
 A ftrange harmonious inclination 
 
 Of all degrees to reformation : 
 
 And is this all ? is this the end ^^^ 
 
 To which thefe carr'ings-on did tend ? 
 
 Hath public faith, like a young heir. 
 
 For this tak'n up all forts of ware, 
 
 And run int' ev'ry tradefman's book, 
 
 'Till both turn'd bankrupts, and are broke ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO IL 
 
 91 
 
 Did faints for this bring in their plate, 
 
 And crowd, as if they came too late ? 
 
 For when they thought the caufe had need on't, 
 
 Happy was he that could be rid on't. 
 
 Did they coin pifs-pots, bowls, and flaggons, 
 
 Int' officers of horfe and dragoons ; 
 
 And into pikes and mufqueteers 
 
 Stamp beakers, cups, and porringers ? 
 
 A thimble, bodkin, and a fpoon, 
 
 Did itart up living men, as foon 570 
 
 As in the furnace they were throvv n, 
 
 Juil like the dragon's teeth b'ing fown. 
 
 Then was the caufe all gold and plate, 
 
 The brethren's off 'rings, confecrate, 
 
 Like th' Hebrew calf, and down before it ^j^ 
 
 The faints fell proflrate, to adore it. 
 
 So fay the wicked — and will you 
 
 Make that farcafmous fcandal true.
 
 92 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 By running after dogs and bears, 
 
 Beafls more unclean than calves or fteers ? 580 
 
 Have pow'rful preachers ply'd their tongues. 
 
 And laid themfelves out, and their lungs ; 
 
 Us'd all means, both dire^l and fmifter, 
 
 r th' power of gofpel-preaching minifter ? 
 
 Have they invented tones, to win 585 
 
 The w^omen, and make them draw in 
 
 The men, as Indians with a female 
 
 Tame elephant enveigle the male ? 
 
 Have they told prov'dence what it muft do. 
 
 Whom to avoid, and whom to trufi: to ? 590 
 
 Difcover'd th' enemy's deiign. 
 
 And which way beft to countermine ; 
 
 Prefcrib'd what ways he hath to work. 
 
 Or it will ne'er advance the kirk ; 
 
 Told it the news o' th' laft exprefs, t^gi^ 
 
 And after good or bad fuccefs
 
 PART I. CANTO II. 
 
 93 
 
 Made prayers, not fo like petitions, 
 
 As overtures and proportions. 
 
 Such as the army did prefent 
 
 To their creator, the parliament; 600 
 
 In which they freely will confefs, 
 
 They will not, cannot acquiefce, 
 
 Unlefs the work be carry'd on 
 
 In the fame way they have begun. 
 
 By fetting church and common-weal 605 
 
 All on a flame, bright as their zeal. 
 
 On which the faints were all-a-gog, 
 
 And all this for a bear and dog. 
 
 The parliament drew up petitions 
 
 To'tfelf, and fent them, like commiflions, 610 
 
 To well-affedled perfons down. 
 
 In ev'ry city and great town. 
 
 With pow'r to levy horfe and men. 
 
 Only to bring them back agen ;
 
 94 
 
 CANTO 11. PARTI. 
 
 For this did many, many a mile, 615 
 
 Ride manfully in rank and file. 
 
 With papers in their hats, that fliow'd 
 
 As if they to the pillory rode. 
 
 Have all thefe courfes, thefe efforts, 
 
 Been try'd by people of all forts, 620 
 
 Velis et remis, omnibus nervis. 
 
 And all t' advance the caufe's fervice : 
 
 And fliall all now be thrown away 
 
 In petulant inteftine fray ? 
 
 Shall we, that in the cov'nant fwore, 625 
 
 Each man of us to run before 
 
 Another ftill in reformation. 
 
 Give dogs and bears a difpenfation ? 
 
 How will difTenting brethren relifli it ? 
 
 What will malignants fay ? videlicet, 630 
 
 That each man fwore to do his beft. 
 
 To damn and perjure all the reft;
 
 PART I. C A N T O II. 
 
 95 
 
 And bid the devil take the hinmoft, 
 
 Which at this race is like to win mofl. 
 
 They'll fay, our bus'nefs to reform 635 
 
 The church and fhate is but a worm; 
 
 For to fubfcribe, unfight, unfeen, 
 
 T' an unknown church's difcipline, 
 
 What is it elfe, but, before hand, 
 
 T' engage, and after underftand ? 640 
 
 For when we fwore to carry on 
 
 The prefent reformation, 
 
 According to the pureft mode 
 
 Of churches, beft reform'd abroad. 
 
 What did we elfe but make a vow 645 
 
 To do, we know not what, nor how ? 
 
 For no three of us will agree 
 
 Where, or what churches thefe fhould be. 
 
 And is indeed the felf-fame cafe 
 
 With theirs that fwore et caeteras ; 650
 
 96 CANTO IT. part i. 
 
 Or the French league, in which men vow'd 
 
 To fight to the laft drop of blood. 
 
 Thefe flanders will be thrown upon 
 
 The caufe and work we carry on, 
 
 If we permit men to run headlong e^g 
 
 T' exorbitancies fit for Bedlam, 
 
 Rather than gofp el- walking times. 
 
 When flightefl fins are greateft crimes. 
 
 But we the matter fo fliall handle. 
 
 As to remove that odious fcandal. 660 
 
 In name of king and parliament, 
 
 I charge ye all, no more foment 
 
 This feud, but keep the peace between 
 
 Your brethren and your countrymen ; 
 
 And to thofe places fbraight repair 66^ 
 
 Where your refpedlive dwellings are: 
 
 But to that purpofe firft furrender 
 
 The fiddler, as the prime offender,
 
 PART r. CANTO II. 
 
 97 
 
 Th' incendiary vile, that is chief 
 
 Author, and engineer of mifchief ; 670 
 
 That makes divifion between friends, 
 
 For prophane and malignant ends. 
 
 He and that engine of vile noife, 
 
 On which illegally he plays, 
 
 Shall, didlum fa6lum, both be brought ej^ 
 
 To condign pun'fliment as they ought. 
 
 This mufh be done, and I would fain fee 
 
 Mortal fo fturdy as to gain-fay : 
 
 For then I'll take another courfe. 
 
 And foon reduce you all by force. 680 
 
 This faid, he clapt his hand on 's fword. 
 
 To fliew he meant to keep his word. 
 
 But Talgol, who had long fupprefl: 
 Enflamed wrath in glowing breaft,
 
 98 CANTO II. PARTI, 
 
 Which now began to rage and burn as 685 
 
 Implacably as flame in furnace, 
 
 Thus anfwer'd him : Thou vermin wretched, 
 
 As e'er in meazled pork was hatched ; 
 
 Thou tail of worfliip, that doft grow 
 
 On rump of juftice as of cow ; 690 
 
 How dar'ft thou with that fullen luggage 
 
 O' thyfelf, old ir'n and other baggage. 
 
 With which thy fteeds of bone and leather 
 
 Has broke his wind in halting hither ; 
 
 How durft th', I fay, adventure thus 695 
 
 T oppofe thy lumber againft us ? 
 
 Could thine impertinence find out 
 
 No work t' employ itfelf about. 
 
 Where thou fecure from wooden blow, 
 
 Thy bufy vanity might fhow ? 700 
 
 Was no difpute afoot between 
 
 The caterwauling brethren ?
 
 PART I. CANTO 11. 
 
 99 
 
 No fubtle queftion rais'd among 
 
 Thofe out-o' -their wits, and thofe i' th' wrong ? 
 
 No prize between thofe combatants 
 
 O' th' times, the land and water faints ; 
 
 Where thou might'ft ftickle without hazard 
 
 Of outrage, to thy hide and mazzard, 
 
 And, not for want of bus'nefs, come 
 
 To us to be thus troublefome, 710 
 
 To interrupt our better fort 
 
 Of difputants, and fpoil our fport ? 
 
 Was there no felony, no bawd, 
 
 Cut-purfe, nor burglary abroad? 
 
 No flolen pig, nor plunder 'd goofe, 715 
 
 To tie thee up from breaking loofe ? 
 
 No ale unlicens'd, broken hedge, 
 
 For which thou ftatute might'ft alledge. 
 
 To keep thee bufy from foul evil, 
 
 And fliame due to thee from the devil ? 720
 
 loo CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Did no committee fit, where he 
 
 Might cut out journey-work for thee ; 
 
 And fet th' a tafk with fubornation. 
 
 To fhitch up fale and fequellration ; 
 
 To cheat, with holinefs and zeal, 725 
 
 All parties, and the common-weal ? 
 
 Much better had it been for thee, 
 
 H' had kept thee where th' art us'd to be ; 
 
 Or fent th' on bus'nefs any whither. 
 
 So he had never brought thee hither. 730 
 
 But if th' haft brain enough in fkull 
 
 To keep within his lodging whole, 
 
 And not provoke the rage of ftones, 
 
 And cudgels, to thy hide and bones ; 
 
 Tremble, and vaniili while thou may'ft, 735 
 
 Which I'll not promife if thou ftay'fl»
 
 PART I. CANTO II. loi 
 
 At this the Knight grew high in wroth, 
 And lifting hands and eyes up both, 
 Three times he fmote on ftomach flout. 
 From whence, at length, thefe words broke out : 
 
 Was I for this entitled Sir, 
 And girt with trufty fword and fpur, 
 For fame and honour to wage battle. 
 Thus to be brav'd by foe to cattle ? 
 Not all the pride that makes thee fwell 745 
 As big as thou doft blown-up veal; 
 Nor all the tricks and flights to cheat, 
 And fell thy carrion for good meat ; 
 Not all thy magic to repair 
 Decay'd old age, in tough lean ware, 750 
 
 Make natural death appear thy work. 
 And ftop the gangrene in ftale pork ; 
 Not all that force that makes thee proud, 
 Becaufe by bullock ne'er withflood :
 
 102 CANTO II. PARTI, 
 
 Tho' arm'd with all thy cleavers, knives, 
 
 And axes made to hew down lives, 
 
 Shall fave, or help thee to evade 
 
 The hand of juftice, or this blade, 
 
 Which I, her fword-bearer, do carry, 
 
 For civil deed and military. 760 
 
 Nor fliall thefe words of venom bafe, 
 
 Which thou haft from their native place. 
 
 Thy ftomach, pump'd to fling on me. 
 
 Go unreveng'd, though I am free. 
 
 Thou down the fame throat flialt devour 'em. 
 
 Like tainted beef, and pay dear for 'em. 
 
 Nor fhall it e'er be faid, that wight 
 
 With gantlet blue, and bafes white. 
 
 And round blunt truncheon by his fide. 
 
 So great a man at arms defy'd, 770 
 
 With words far bitterer than wormwood. 
 
 That would in Job or Grizel ftir mood.
 
 PART I. CANTO IL 103 
 
 Dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal ; 
 But men with hands, as thou flialt feel. 
 
 This faid, with hafty rage he fnatch'd 'j']^ 
 His gun-fhot, that in holfters watch'd ; 
 And bending cock, he levell'd full 
 Againft th' outfide of Talgol's fkull ; 
 Vowing that he fliould ne'er ftir further, 
 Nor henceforth cow or bullock murther. 780 
 But Pallas came in fliape of ruft. 
 And 'twixt the fpring and hammer thruft 
 Her gorgon-fhield, which made the cock 
 Stand ftiff, as if 'twere turn'd t' a flock. 
 Meanwhile fierce Talgol gath'ring might, 785 
 With rugged truncheon charg'd the Knight; 
 And he his rufty piftol held. 
 To take the blow on, like a Ihield ;
 
 104 CANTO II. =PART I. 
 
 The gun recoU'd, as well it might. 
 
 Not us'd to fuch a kind of fight. 790 
 
 And flirunk from its. great mafter's gripe, 
 
 Knock'd down, and fliunn'd, with mortal fhripe : 
 
 Then Hudibras, with furious hafte, 
 
 Drew out his fword; yet not fo faft. 
 
 But Talgol fofh, with hardy thwack, 795 
 
 Twice bruis'd his head, and twice his back ; 
 
 But when his nut-brown fword was out, 
 
 Courageoufly he laid about, 
 
 Imprinting many a wound upon 
 
 His mortal foe, the truncheon. 800 
 
 The trufty cudgel did oppofe 
 
 Itfelf againfl dead-doing blows. 
 
 To guard its leader from fell bane. 
 
 And then reveng'd itfelf again : 
 
 And though the fword, fome underftood, 805 
 
 In force, had much the odds of wood ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. lOr; 
 
 'Twas nothing fo, both fides were balanc t 
 
 So equal, none knew which was valiant'ft. 
 
 For wood with honour b' ing engag'd, 
 
 Is fo implacably enrag'd, gio 
 
 Though iron hew, and mangle fore, 
 
 Wood wounds and bruifes honour more. 
 
 And now both knights were out of breath, 
 
 Tir d in the hot purfuit of death ; 
 
 While all the reft, amaz'd, ftood ftill, 815 
 
 Expe6ling which ftiould take, or kill. 
 
 This Hudibras obferv'd, and fretting 
 
 Conqueft ftiould be fo long a getting, 
 
 He drew up all his force into 
 
 One body, and that into one blow. 820 
 
 But Talgol wifely avoided it, 
 
 By cunning flight ; for had it hit, 
 
 The upper part of him, the blow 
 
 Had flit, as fure as that below.
 
 io6 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Meanwhile th' incomparable Colon, 825 
 To aid his friend, began to fall on ; 
 Him Ralph encounter'd, and ftraight grew 
 A difmal combat 'twixt them two : 
 Th' one arm'd with metal, th' other with wood; 
 This fit for bruife, and that for blood. 
 With many a ftiif thwack, many a bang. 
 Hard crab-tree, and old iron rang; 
 While none that faw them could divine. 
 To which fide conqueft would incline. 
 Until Magnano, who did envy 835 
 
 That two fhould with fo many men vie. 
 By fubtle ftratagem of brain 
 Perform'd what force could ne'er attain, 
 For he, by foul hap, having found 
 Where thifbles grew on barren ground, 840 
 In hafte he drew his weapon out, 
 And having cropp'd them from the root,
 
 PARTI. CANTO 11. 
 
 107 
 
 He clapp'd them under the horfe's tail, 
 
 With prickles fliarper than a nail ; 
 
 The angry beaft did ftraight refent 845 
 
 The wrong done to his fundament, 
 
 Began to kick, and fling, and wince, 
 
 As if h' had been befide his fenfe, 
 
 Striving to difengage from fmart. 
 
 And raging pain, th' afflidled part ; 850 
 
 Inftead of which he threw the pack 
 
 Of Squire and baggage from his back; 
 
 And blund'ring ftill with fmarting rump. 
 
 He gave the champion's fteed a thump 
 
 That ftagger'd him. The Knight did Hoop, 
 
 And fat on further fide aflope. 
 
 This Talgol viewing, who had now, 
 
 By flight, efcap'd the fatal blow, 
 
 He rally'd, and again fell to't; 
 
 For catching foe by nearer foot, 860
 
 io8' CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 He lifted with fuch might and ftrength. 
 
 As would have hurl'd him thrice his length. 
 
 And dafli'd his brains, if any, out : 
 
 But Mars, that ftill proteds the ftout. 
 
 In pudding-time came to his aid, 865 
 
 And under him the bear convey'd; 
 
 The bear, upon whofe foft fur-gown 
 
 The Knight, with all his weight, fell down, 
 
 The friendly rug preferv'd the ground. 
 
 And headlong Knight, from bruife or wound : 
 
 Like feather-bed betwixt a wall. 
 
 And heavy brunt of cannon-ball. 
 
 As Sancho on a blanket fell. 
 
 And had no hurt ; ours far'd as well 
 
 In body, though his mighty fpirit, 875 
 
 B'ing heavy, did not fo well bear it. 
 
 The bear was in a greater fright, 
 
 Beat down, and worfted by the Knight :
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 109 
 
 He roar'd, and rag'd, and flung about, 
 
 To fhake off bondage from his fnout. 880 
 
 His wrath enflam'd boil'd o'er, and from 
 
 His jaws of death, he threw the foam. 
 
 Fury in ftranger poftures threw him. 
 
 And more than ever herald drew him. 
 
 He tore the earth, which he had fav'd 
 
 From fquelch of Knight, and ftorm'd and rav'd ; 
 
 And vex'd the more, becaufe the harms 
 
 He felt were gainfl the law of arms ; 
 
 For men he always took to be 
 
 His friends, and dogs the enemy, 890 
 
 Who never fo much hurt had done him. 
 
 As his own fide did falling on him. 
 
 It griev'd him to the guts, that they. 
 
 For whom h' had fought fo many a fray. 
 
 And ferv'd with lofs of blood fo long, 895 
 
 Should offer fuch inhuman wrong ;
 
 no CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Wrong of imfoldier-Iike condition ; 
 
 For which he flung down his commiflion, 
 
 And laid about him, till his nofe 
 
 From thrall of ring and cord broke loofe. 
 
 Soon as he felt himfelf enlarg'd. 
 
 Through thickeft of his foes he charg'd, 
 
 And made way through th' amazed crew, 
 
 Some he o'er-ran, and fome o'er-threw. 
 
 But took none ; for, by hafty flight, 905 
 
 He ftrove t' avoid the conquering Knight, 
 
 From whom he fled with as much hafbe 
 
 And dread, as he the rabble chac'd. 
 
 In hafle he fled, and fo did they. 
 
 Each and his fear a feveral way. 910 
 
 Crowdero only kept the field. 
 Not fhirring from the place he held.
 
 PARTI. CANTO 11. Ill 
 
 Though beaten down, and wounded fore 
 
 r th' fiddle, and a leg that bore 
 
 One fide of him, not that of bone, 915 
 
 But much its better, th' wooden one. 
 
 He ipying Hudibras lie ftrow'd 
 
 Upon the ground, like log of wood. 
 
 With fright of fall, fuppofed wound. 
 
 And lofs of urine, in a fwound : 920 
 
 In hafte he fnatch'd the wooden limb. 
 
 That hurt in the ankle lay by him. 
 
 And fitting it for fudden fight, 
 
 Straight drew it up, t' attack the Knight. 
 
 For getting up on ftump and huckle, 925 
 
 He with the foe began to buckle. 
 
 Vowing to be reveng'd for breach 
 
 Of crowd and fliin upon the wretch, 
 
 Sole author of all detriment 
 
 He and his fiddle underwent. 930
 
 112 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 PART I. 
 
 But Ralpho, who had now begun 
 T' adventure refurre^lion 
 From heavy fquelch, and had got up 
 Upon his legs with fprained crup, 
 Looking about beheld the bard 935 
 
 To charge the Knight intranc'd prepar'd, 
 He fnatch'd his whiniard up, that fled 
 When he was falling off his fteed, 
 As rats do from a falling houfe. 
 To hide itfelf from rage of blows ; 940 
 
 And wing'd with fpeed and fury, flew 
 To refcue Knight from black and blue. 
 Which ere he could atchieve, his fconce 
 The leg encounter'd twice and once ; 
 And now 'twas rais'd, to fmite agen, 945 
 
 When Ralpho thruft himfelf between ; 
 He took the blow upon his arm, 
 To {hield the Knight from further harm ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 113 
 
 And joining wrath with force, beftow'd 
 
 O' th' wooden member fuch a load, 950 
 
 That down it fell, and with it bore 
 
 Crowdero, whom it prop'd before. 
 
 To him^ the Squire right nimbly run, 
 
 And fetting his bold foot upon 
 
 His trunk, thus fpoke : What defp'rate frenzy 
 
 Made thee, thou whelp of fm, to fancy 
 
 Thyfelf, and all that coward rabble, 
 
 T' encounter us in battle able } 
 
 How durft th', I fay, oppofe thy curfliip 
 
 'Gainft arms, authority, and worfliip ^ 960 
 
 And Hudibras, or me provoke. 
 
 Though all thy limbs were heart of oak, 
 
 And th' other half of thee as good 
 
 To bear out blows as that of wood ? 
 
 Could not the whipping-poft prevail 965 
 
 With all its rhet'ric, nor the jail.
 
 114 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 To keep from flaying fcourge thy fl^in. 
 
 And ankle free from iron gin ? 
 
 Which now thou llialt — but firft our care 
 
 Mufl: fee how Hudibras doth fare. 970 
 
 This faid, he gently rais'd the Knight, 
 
 And fet him on his bum upright : 
 
 To rouze him from lethargic dump, 
 
 He tweak'd his nofe, with gentle thump 
 
 Knock'd on his breaft, as if 't had been 975 
 
 To raife the fpirits lodg'd within. 
 
 They, wakened with the noife, did fly 
 
 From inward room, to window eye. 
 
 And gently op'ning lid, the cafement, 
 
 Look'd out, but yet with fome amazement. 
 
 This gladded Ralpho much to fee, 
 
 Who thus befpoke the Knight : quoth he. 
 
 Tweaking his nofe. You are, great Sir, 
 
 A felf-denying conqueror ; I 
 
 I
 
 PARTI. CANTO 11. 115 
 
 As high, vi(ftonous, and great, 985 
 
 As e'er fought for the Churches yet, 
 
 If you will give yourfelf but leave 
 
 To make out what y' already have ; 
 
 That's vi6lory. The foe, for dread 
 
 Of your nine-worthinefs, is fled, 990 
 
 All, fave Crowdero, for whofe fake 
 
 You did th' efpous'd caufe undertake ; 
 
 And he lies pris'ner at your feet. 
 
 To be difpos'd as you think meet, 
 
 Either for life, or death, or fale, 995 
 
 The gallows, or perpetual jail ; 
 
 For one wink of your pow'rful eye 
 
 Muft fentence him to live or die. 
 
 His fiddle is your proper purchafe. 
 
 Won in the fervice of the Churches ; 1000 
 
 And by your doom mufh be allow' d 
 
 To be, or be no more, a Crowd :
 
 ii6 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 For tho' fuccefs did not confer 
 
 Jufh title on the conqueror ; 
 
 Tho' difpenfations were not ftrong 1005 
 
 Conckiiions, whether right or wrong ; 
 
 Altho' outgoings did confirm, 
 
 And owning were but a mere term ; 
 
 Yet as the wicked have no right 
 
 To th' creature, tho' ufurp'd by might, 1010 
 
 The property is in the faint. 
 
 From whom th' injurioufly detain 't ; 
 
 Of him thev hold their luxuries, 
 
 Their dogs, their horfes, whores, and dice, 
 
 Their riots, revels, mafks, delights, 1015 
 
 Pimps, buffoons, fiddlers, parafites ; 
 
 All which the faints have title to. 
 
 And ought t' enjoy if th' had their due. 
 
 What we take from them is no more 
 
 Than what was ours by right before ; 1020
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 117 
 
 For we are their true landlords flill, 
 And they our tenants but at will. 
 
 At this the Knight began to roufe, 
 And by degrees grow valorous : 
 He ftar'd about, and feeing none 1025 
 
 Of all his foes remain but one, 
 He fnatch'd his weapon that lay near him. 
 And from the ground began to rear him, 
 Vowing to make Crowdero pay 
 For all the reft that ran away. 1030 
 
 But Ralpho now, in colder blood. 
 His fury mildly thus withftood : 
 Great Sir, quoth he, your mighty fpirit 
 Is rais'd too high ; this Have does merit 
 To be the hangman's bus'nefs, fooner 1035 
 Than from your hand to have the honour
 
 ii8 CANTO II. PARTI. 
 
 Of his deftmdion ; I that am 
 
 So much below m deed and name. 
 
 Did fcorn to hurt his forfeit carcafe, 
 
 Or ill entreat his fiddle or cafe : 1040 
 
 Will you, great Sir, that glory blot 
 
 In cold blood, which you gain'd in hot ? 
 
 Will you employ your conqu'ring fword 
 
 To break a fiddle, and your word ? 
 
 For tho' I fought, and overcame, 1045 
 
 And quarter gave, 'twas in your name : 
 
 For great commanders always own 
 
 What's profp'rous by the foldier done. 
 
 To fave, where you have pow'r to kill, 
 
 Argues your pow'r above your will ; 1050 
 
 And that your will and pow'r have lefs 
 
 Than both might have of felfiflmefs. 
 
 This pow'r which now alive, with dread 
 
 He trembles at, if he were dead.
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 119 
 
 Wou'd no more keep the flave in awe, 1055 
 
 Than if you were a knight of flraw ; 
 
 For death would then be his conqueror. 
 
 Not you, and free him from that terror. 
 
 If danger from his life accrue, 
 
 Or honour from his death to you, 1060 
 
 'Twere policy, and honour too. 
 
 To do as you refolv'd to do : 
 
 But, Sir, 't would wrong your valour much. 
 
 To fay it needs, or fears a crutch. 
 
 Great conqu'rors greater glory gain 1065 
 
 By foes in triumph led, than flain : 
 
 The laurels that adorn their brows 
 
 Are pull'd from living, not dead boughs, 
 
 And living foes : the greatefl fame 
 
 Of cripple flain can be but lame : 1070 
 
 One half of him 's already flain. 
 
 The other is not worth your pain ;
 
 120 CANTO II. PART I. 
 
 Th' honour can but on one fide light, 
 
 As worfliip did, when y' were dubb'd Knight ; 
 
 Wherefore I think it better far 1075 
 
 To keep him prifoner of war ; 
 
 And let him faft in bonds abide. 
 
 At court of juftice to be try'd : 
 
 Where, if h' appear fo bold or crafty. 
 
 There may be danger in his fafety ; 1080 
 
 If any member there diflike 
 
 His face, or to his beard have pike ; 
 
 Or if his death will fave, or yield 
 
 Revenge or fright, it is reveal'd ; 
 
 Tho' he has quarter, ne'erthelefs 1085 
 
 Y' have pow'r to hang him when you pleafe ; 
 
 This has been often done by fome 
 
 Of our great conqu'rors, you know w^hom j 
 
 And has by moft of us been held 
 
 Wife juftice, and to fome reveal'd : 1090
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 121 
 
 For words and promifes, that yoke 
 
 The conqueror, are quickly broke ; 
 
 Like Samfon's cuffs, tho' by his own 
 
 Direction and advice put on 
 
 For if we fliould fight for the caufe 1095 
 
 By rules of military laws. 
 
 And only do what they call juft. 
 
 The caufe would quickly fall to duft. 
 
 This we among ourfelves may fpeak ; 
 
 But to the wicked or the weak 1100 
 
 We muft be cautious to declare 
 
 Perfe6tion-truths, fuch as thefe are. 
 
 This faid, the high outrageous mettle 
 Of Knight began to cool and fettle. 
 He lik'd the Squire's advice, and foon tio5 
 Refolv'd to fee the bus'nefs done ;
 
 122 CANTO II. PART I. 
 
 And therefore charged him firft to bind 
 
 Crowdero's hands on rump behind. 
 
 And to its former place, and ufe, 
 
 The wooden member to reduce ; mo 
 
 But force it take an oath before, 
 
 Ne'er to bear arms againfl him more. 
 
 Ralpho difpatch'd with fpeedy hafte, 
 And having ty'd Crowdero faft, 
 He gave Sir Knight the end of cord, 1115 
 
 To lead the captive of his fword 
 In triumph, while the fteeds he caught. 
 And them to further fervice brought. 
 The Squire, in ftate, rode on before. 
 And on his nut-brown whinyard bore 1120 
 The trophy-fiddle and the cafe, 
 Plac d on his flioulder like a mace.
 
 PARTI. CANTO II. 
 
 123 
 
 The Knight himfelf did after ride, 
 Leading Crowdero by his fide ; 
 And tow'd him, if he lagg'd behind, 1125 
 
 Like boat, againft the tide and wind. 
 Thus grave and folemn they march on. 
 Until quite thro' the town they 'ad gone : 
 At further end of which there ftands 
 An ancient caftle, that commands 1 1 30 
 
 Th' adjacent parts ; in all the fabrick 
 You fliall not fee one ftone nor a brick, 
 But all of wood, by pow'rful fpell 
 Of magic made impregnable : 
 There's neither iron bar nor gate, 1135 
 
 Portcullis, chain, nor bolt, nor grate ; 
 And yet men durance there abide", 
 In dungeon fcarce three inches wide ; 
 With roof fo low, that under it 
 They never ftand, but lie or fit ; 1140
 
 124 CANTO 11. PARTI. 
 
 And yet fo foul, that whofo is in. 
 
 Is to the middle leg in prifon ; 
 
 In circle magical confin'd. 
 
 With walls of fubtle air and wind, 
 
 Which none are able to break thorough, 1145 
 
 Until they 're freed by head of borough. 
 
 Thither arriv'd, the advent'rous Knight 
 
 And bold Squire from their fteeds alight 
 
 At th' outward wall, near which there ftands 
 
 A Baftile, built t' imprifon hands; 1150 
 
 By ftrange enchantment made to fetter 
 
 The lefler parts, and free the greater : 
 
 For tho' the body may creep through. 
 
 The hands in grate are faft enough : 
 
 And when a circle 'bout the wrift 1155 
 
 Is made by beadle exorcift, 
 
 The body feels the fpur and fwitch, 
 
 As if 't were ridden poft by witch,
 
 PART I. CANTO II. 
 
 125 
 
 At twenty miles an hour pace, 
 
 And yet ne'er ftirs out of the place. 1160 
 
 On top of this there is a fpire, 
 
 On which Sir Knight firft bids the Squire 
 
 The fiddle, and its fpoils, the cafe. 
 
 In manner of a ti'ophy, place. 
 
 That done, they ope the trap-door gate, 1165 
 
 And let Crowdero down thereat. 
 
 Crowdero making doleful face. 
 
 Like hermit poor in penfive place. 
 
 To dungeon they the wretch commit. 
 
 And the furvivor of his feet ; 1 1 70 
 
 But th' other, that had broke the peace. 
 
 And head of knighthood, they releafe, 
 
 Tho' a delinquent falfe and forged. 
 
 Yet b' ing a ftranger he's enlarged ;
 
 126 
 
 CANTO IL 
 
 PART I. 
 
 While his comrade, that did no hurt, 
 Is clapp'd up faft in prifon for 't : 
 So juftice, while Ihe winks at crimes. 
 Stumbles on innocence fometimes. 
 
 1175 
 
 
 I. R^ jcu^ 
 
 I'etf^ /. Ctz^Uo e. Luie //f&V .
 
 PART I. 
 
 THIRD CANTO. 
 
 %fit 9lrgument* 
 
 The fcatter d rout returti and rally. 
 Surround the place ; the Knight does f ally ^ 
 And is made prisner : then they Jei%e 
 Th^ encha7ited fort byjlorm, releaje 
 Crowdero, and put the Squire in 's place ; 
 I Jljould have Jirjl Jaid Hudibras.
 
 fiirfl. (iintv3.Zuir SU3 . 
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 Ay me! what perils do environ 
 The man that meddles with cold iron ! 
 What plaguy mifchiefs and mifliaps 
 Do dog him flill with after claps ! 
 For tho' Dame Fortune feem to fmile. 
 And leer upon him for a while.
 
 13 
 
 o 
 
 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 She'll after fliew him, in the nick 
 
 Of all his glories, a dog-trick. 
 
 This any man may fmg or fay 
 
 r th' ditty call'd. What if a day ? lo 
 
 For Hudibras, who thought he 'ad won 
 
 The field as certain as a gun. 
 
 And having routed the whole troop, 
 
 With vi6lory was cock-a-hoop ; 
 
 Thinking he 'ad done enough to purchafe 15 
 
 Thankfgiving-day among the churches. 
 
 Wherein his mettle and brave worth 
 
 Might be explain'd by holder-forth. 
 
 And regifter'd by fame eternal. 
 
 In deathlefs pages of diurnal ; 20 
 
 Found in few minutes, to his coft. 
 
 He did but count without his hod ; 
 
 And that a turnftile is more certain 
 
 Than, in events of war. Dame Fortune.
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 
 
 31 
 
 For now the late faint-hearted rout, 25 
 
 O'erthrown and fcatter'd round about, 
 Chas'd by the horror of their fear, 
 From bloody fray of Knight and Bear, 
 All but the dogs, who, in purfuit 
 Of the Knight's victory, flood to 't, 30 
 
 And mofl ignobly fought to get 
 The honour of his blood and fweat. 
 Seeing the coaft was free and clear 
 O' the conquer'd and the conqueror. 
 Took heart again, and fac'd about, 35 
 
 As if they meant to ftand it out : 
 For now the half defeated bear, 
 Attack'd by th' enemy i' th' rear. 
 Finding their number grew too great 
 For him to make a fafe retreat, 40 
 
 Like a bold chieftain fac'd about ; 
 But wifely doubting to hold out.
 
 132 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Gave way to fortune, and with hafte 
 
 Fac'd the proud foe, and fled, and fac'd. 
 
 Retiring flill, until he found 45 
 
 He 'ad got the advantage of the ground ; 
 
 And then as valiantly made head 
 
 To check the foe, and forthwith fled. 
 
 Leaving no art untry'd, nor trick 
 
 Of warrior ftout and politick, 50 
 
 Until, in fpite of hot purfuit. 
 
 He gain'd a pafs, to hold difpute 
 
 On better terms, and flop the courfe 
 
 Of the proud foe. With all his force 
 
 He bravely charg'd, and for a while ^^ 
 
 Forc'd their whole body to recoil ; 
 
 But ftill their numbers fo increas'd. 
 
 He found himfelf at length opprefs'd. 
 
 And all evafions fo uncertain. 
 
 To fave himfelf for better fortune, 60
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 133 
 
 That he refolv d, rather than yield, 
 
 To die with honour in the field. 
 
 And fell his hide and carcafs at 
 
 A price as high and defperate 
 
 As e'er he could. This refolution 6s 
 
 He forthwith put in execution. 
 
 And bravely threw himfelf among 
 
 Th' enemy i' th' greatefl throng ; 
 
 But what cou'd iingle valour do 70 
 
 Againfl: fo numerous a foe ? 
 
 Yet much he did, indeed too much 
 
 To be believ'd, where th' odds were fuch ; 
 
 But one againfh a multitude. 
 
 Is more than mortal can make good : 
 
 For while one party he oppos'd, js 
 
 His rear was fuddenly enclos'd. 
 
 And no room left him for retreat, 
 
 Or iight againfl a foe fo great.
 
 134 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 For now the maftives, charging home, 
 
 To blows and handy -gripes were come ; 80 
 
 While manfully himfelf he bore. 
 
 And, fetting his right foot before, 
 
 He rais'd himfelf to fliew how tall 
 
 His perfon was above them all. 
 
 This equal fliame and envy ftirr'd 85 
 
 In th' enemy, that one fliould beard 
 
 So many warriors, and fo flout, 
 
 As he had done, and ftav'd it out, 
 
 Difdaining to lay down his arms. 
 
 And yield on honourable terms. 90 
 
 Enraged thus, fome in the rear 
 
 Attack'd him, and fome ev'ry where. 
 
 Till down he fell ; yet falling fought, 
 
 And, being down, ftill laid about ; 
 
 As Widdrington, in doleful dumps, 95 
 
 Is faid to fight upon his ftumps.
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 
 
 135 
 
 But all, alas ! had been In vain. 
 And he inevitably (lain. 
 If Trulla and Cerdon, in the nick, 
 To refcue him had not been quick : 100 
 
 For Trulla, who was light of foot, 
 As fliafts which long-field Parthians flioot. 
 But not fo light as to be borne 
 Upon the ears of ftanding corn. 
 Or trip it o'er the water quicker 105 
 
 Than witches, when their ftaves they liquor, 
 As fome report, was got among 
 The foremoft of the martial throng ; 
 Where pitying the vanquifli'd bear. 
 She call'd to Cerdon, who ftood near, no 
 
 Viewing the bloody fight ; to whom. 
 Shall we, quoth flie, ftand ftill hum-drum, 
 And fee fhout bruin, all alone. 
 By numbers bafely overthrown ?
 
 136 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Such feats already he 'as atchiev'd, 115 
 
 In ftory not to be believ'd, 
 
 And t' would to us be fliame enough. 
 
 Not to attempt to fetch him off. 
 
 I would, quoth he, venture a limb 
 To fecond thee, and refcue him ; 120 
 
 But then we mufl about it ftraight. 
 Or elfe our aid will come too late : 
 Quarter he fcorns, he is fo ftout. 
 And therefore cannot long hold out. 
 This faid, they wav'd their weapons round 
 About their heads, to clear the ground; 
 And joining forces, laid about 
 So fiercely, that th' amazed rout 
 Turn'd tail again, and ftraight begun. 
 As if the devil drove, to run. 130 
 
 Mean-while th' approach'd th' place where bruin 
 Was now engag'd to mortal ruin :
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 37 
 
 The conqu'ring foe they foon afTail'd; 
 
 Firft Trulla flav'd, and Cerdon tail'd, 
 
 Until their maftives loos'd their hold: 135 
 
 And yet, alas ! do what they could, 
 
 The worfted bear came off with ftore 
 
 Of bloody wounds, but all before : 
 
 For as Achilles, dipt in pond, 
 
 Was anabaptiz'd free from wound, 140 
 
 Made proof againft dead-doing fteel 
 
 All over, but the pagan heel ; 
 
 So did our champion's arms defend 
 
 All of him but the other end. 
 
 His head and ears, which in the martial 145 
 
 Encounter loft a leathern parcel ; 
 
 For as an Auftrian archduke once 
 
 Had one ear, which in ducatoons 
 
 Is half the coin, in battle par'd 
 
 Clofe to his head, fo bruin far'd; 150
 
 138 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 But tugg d and pull'd on th' other fide, 
 
 Like fcriv'ner newly crucify 'd : 
 
 Or like the late-corre6led leathern 
 
 Ears of the circumcifed brethren. 
 
 But gentle Trulla into th' ring 155 
 
 He wore in 's nofe convey'd a ftring. 
 
 With which fhe march'd before, and led 
 
 The warrior to a grafTy bed. 
 
 As authors write, in a cool fliade, 
 
 Which eglantine and rofes made ; 160 
 
 Clofe by a foftly murm'ring ftream. 
 
 Where lovers us'd to loll and dream : 
 
 There leaving him to his repofe, 
 
 Secured from puriuit of foes, 
 
 And wanting nothing but a fong, 165 
 
 And a well-tun'd theorbo hung 
 
 Upon a bough, to eafe the pain 
 
 His tugg'd ears fuffer'd, with a ftrain.
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 39 
 
 They both drew up, to march in queft 
 
 Of his great leader, and the reft. 1 70 
 
 For Orfin, who was more renown'd 
 For ftout maintaining of his ground 
 In ftanding fights, than for purfuit, 
 As being not fo quick of foot, 
 Was not long able to keep pace 175 
 
 With others that purfu'd the chafe, 
 But found himfelf left far behind, 
 Both out of heart and out of wind ; 
 Griev'd to behold his bear purfu'd 
 So bafely by a multitude, 180 
 
 And like to fall, not by the prowefs. 
 But numbers, of his coward foes. 
 He rag'd, and kept as heavy a coil as 
 Stout Hercules for lofs of Hylas ; 
 Forcing the vallies to repeat 185 
 
 The accents of his fad regret :
 
 140 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 He beat his breaft, and tore his hair, 
 
 For lofs of his dear crony bear ; 
 
 That Echo, from the hollow ground, 
 
 His doleful wailings did refound 190 
 
 More wiftfully, by many times, 
 
 Than in fmall poets' fplay-foot rhymes, 
 
 That make her, in their ruthful ftories. 
 
 To anfwer to int'rogatories, 
 
 And moft unconfcionably depofe 195 
 
 To things of which flie nothing knows ; 
 
 And when flie has faid all fhe can fay, 
 
 'Tis wrefted to the lover's fancy. 
 
 Quoth he, O whither, wicked Bruin, 
 
 Art thou fled to my — Echo, ruin. 200 
 
 I thought th' hadft fcorn'd to budge a ftep. 
 
 For fear. Quoth Echo, Marry guep. 
 
 Am not I here to take thy part } 
 
 Then what has quail'd thy ftubborn heart }
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 141 
 
 Have thefe bones rattled, and this head 205 
 
 So often in thy quarrel bled ? 
 
 Nor did I ever winch or grudge it. 
 
 For thy dear fake. Quoth ilie. Mum budget. 
 
 Think'ft thou 'twill not be laid i' th' difli 
 
 Thou turn' dft thy back ? Quoth Echo, PiJIi. 210 
 
 To run from thofe th' hadft overcome 
 
 Thus cowardly } Quoth Echo, Mum. 
 
 But what a-vengeance makes thee fly 
 
 From me too, as thine enemy ? 
 
 Or, if thou hafh no thought of me, 215 
 
 Nor what I have endur'd for thee. 
 
 Yet fliame and honour might prevail 
 
 To keep thee thus from turning tail : 
 
 For who would grutch to fpend his blood in 
 
 His honour's caufe ? Quoth fhe, a Puddin, 220 
 
 This faid, his grief to anger turn'd. 
 
 Which in his manly ftomach burn'd;
 
 142 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Thirft of revenge, and wrath, in place 
 
 Of forrow, now began to blaze. 
 
 He vow'd the authors of his woe 225 
 
 Should equal vengeance undergo ; 
 
 And with their bones and flefli pay dear 
 
 For what he fuffer'd and his bear. 
 
 This b'ing refolv'd, with equal fpeed 
 
 And rage, he hafted to proceed 230 
 
 To a6lion ftraight, and giving o'er 
 
 To fearch for bruin any more. 
 
 He went in queft of Hudibras, 
 
 To find him out, where'er he was : 
 
 And if he were above ground, vow'd 235 
 
 He'd ferret him, lurk where he wou'd. 
 
 But fcarce had he a furlong on 
 This refolute adventure gone. 
 When he encounter'd with that crew 
 Whom Hudibras did late fubdue. 240
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 143 
 
 Honour, revenge, contempt, and fliame, 
 
 Did equally their breads inflame. 
 
 'Mong thefe the fierce Magnano was, 
 
 And Talgol, foe to Hudibras ; 
 
 Cerdon and Colon, warriors flout, 245 
 
 And refolute, as ever fought ; 
 
 Whom furious Orfm thus befpoke : 
 
 Shall we, quoth he, thus bafely brook 
 The vile affront that paltry afs. 
 And feeble fcoundrel, Hudibras, 250 
 
 With that more paltry ragamuffin, 
 Ralpho, with vapouring and huffing. 
 Have put upon us, like tame cattle. 
 As if th' had routed us in battle ? 
 For my part, it fhall ne'er be faid 255 
 
 I for the wafliing gave my head : 
 Nor did I turn my back for fear 
 Of them, but loiing of my bear,
 
 144 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Which now I'm like to undergo ; 
 
 For whether thefe fell wounds, or no, 260 
 
 He has receiv'd in fight, are mortal. 
 
 Is more than all my fkill can foretel ; 
 
 Nor do I know what is become 
 
 Of him, more than the Pope of Rome. 
 
 But if I can but find them out 265 
 
 That caus'd it, as I fiiall no doubt. 
 
 Where'er th' in hugger-mugger lurk, 
 
 I'll make them rue their handiwork. 
 
 And wifli that they had rather dar'd 
 
 To pull the devil by the beard. 270 
 
 Quoth Cerdon, noble Orfin, th' haft 
 Great reafon to do as thou fay 'ft. 
 And fo has ev'ry body here. 
 As well as thou haft, or thy bear : 
 Others may do as they fee good ; 275 
 
 But if this twig be made of wood
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 145 
 
 That will hold tack, I'll make the fur 
 
 Fly 'bout the ears of that old cur, 
 
 And th' other mungrel vermine, Ralph, 
 
 That brav'd us all in his behalf. 280 
 
 Thy bear is fafe, and out of peril, 
 
 Tho' lugg'd indeed, and wounded very ill ; 
 
 Myfelf and Trulla made a fliift 
 
 To help him out at a dead lift ; 
 
 And having brought him bravely off, 285 
 
 Have left him where he's fafe enough : 
 
 There let him reft ; for if we flay. 
 
 The flaves may hap to get away. 
 
 This faid, they all engag'd to join 
 Their forces in the fame defign, 290 
 
 And forthwith put themfelves, in fearch 
 Of Hudibras, upon their march : 
 Where leave we them awhile, to tell 
 What the vidorious Knight befell ;
 
 146 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 For fuch, Crowdero being faft 295 
 
 In dungeon fliut, we left him laft. 
 
 Triumphant laurels feem'd to grow 
 
 No where fo green as on his brow: 
 
 Laden with which, as well as tir'd 
 
 With conqu'ring toil, he now retir'd 300 
 
 Unto a neighb'ring caftle by. 
 
 To reft his body, and apply 
 
 Fit med'cines to each glorious bruife 
 
 He got in fight, reds, blacks, and blues ; 
 
 To mollify th' uneafy pang 305 
 
 Of ev'ry honourable bang. 
 
 Which b'ing by ikilful midwife dreft. 
 
 He laid him down to take his reft. 
 
 But all in vain : he 'ad got a hurt 
 O' th' infide, of a deadlier fort, 310 
 
 By Cupid made, who took his ftand 
 Upon a widow's jointure-land.
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 47 
 
 For he, in all his am'rous battles, 
 
 No 'dvantage finds like goods and chattels. 
 
 Drew home his bow, and aiming right, 315 
 
 Let fly an arrow at the Knight ; 
 
 The fliaft againfh a rib did glance, 
 
 And gall him in the purtenance : 
 
 But time had fomewhat Twag'd his pain, 
 
 After he had fomid his fuit in vain: 320 
 
 For that proud dame, for whom his foul 
 
 Was burnt in 's belly like a coal, 
 
 — That belly that fo oft' did ake. 
 
 And fuffer griping for her fake. 
 
 Till purging comfits, and ants' eggs 325 
 
 Had almofh brought him off his legs, — 
 
 Us'd him fo like a bafe rafcallion. 
 
 That old Pyg — what d' y' call him — malion. 
 
 That cut his miftrefs out of flone. 
 
 Had not fo hard a hearted one. 330
 
 148 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 She had a thoufand jadifli tricks, 
 Worfe than a mule that flings and kicks ; 
 'Mong which one crofs-grain'd freak {he had. 
 As infolent as ftrange and mad ; 
 She could love none but only fuch 335 
 
 As fcorn'd and hated her as much. 
 'Twas a ftrange riddle of a lady ; 
 Not love, if any lov'd her : ha-day ! 
 So cowards never ufe their might, 
 But againft fuch as will not fight. 340 
 
 So fome difeafes have been found 
 Only to feize upon the found. 
 He that gets her by heart, muft fay her 
 The back-way, like a witch's prayer. 
 , Mean while the Knight had no fmall tafk 345 
 To compafs what he durft not afl^ : 
 He loves, but dares not make the motion ; 
 Her ignorance is his devotion :
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 49 
 
 Like caitiff vile, that for mifdeed 
 
 Rides with his face to rump of fteed ; 350 
 
 Or rowing fcull, he 's fain to love. 
 
 Look one way, and another move ; 
 
 Or like a tumbler that does play 
 
 His game, and looks another way, 
 
 Until he feize upon the coney ; 355 
 
 Jufl: fo does he by matrimony. 
 
 But all in vain : her fubtle fnout 
 
 Did quickly wind his meaning out ; 
 
 Which file return'd with too much fcorn, 
 
 To be by man of honour born ; 360 
 
 Yet much he bore, until the diftrefs 
 
 He fuffer'd from his fpightful miftrefs 
 
 Did ftir his fhomach, and the pain 
 
 He had endur'd from her difdain 
 
 Turn'd to regret fo refolute, 365 
 
 That he refolv'd to wave his fuit.
 
 50 
 
 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 And either to renounce her quite, 
 
 Or for a while play leaft in fight. 
 
 This refolution b'ing put on. 
 
 He kept fome months, and more had done, 370 
 
 But being brought fo nigh by fate. 
 
 The vi6l'ry he atchiev'd fo late 
 
 Did fet his thoughts agog, and ope 
 
 A door to difcontinu'd hope. 
 
 That feem'd to promife he might win 375 
 
 His dame too, now his hand w^as in ; 
 
 And that his valour, and the honour 
 
 He 'ad newly gain'd, might work upon her : 
 
 Thefe reafons made his mouth to water. 
 
 With am'rous longings, to be at her. 380 
 
 Thought he, unto himfelf, who knows 
 But this brave conqueft o'er my foes 
 May reach her heart, and make that ftoop, 
 As I but now have forc'd the troop ^
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 151 
 
 If nothing can oppugne love, 385 
 
 And virtue invious ways can prove, 
 
 What may not he confide to do 
 
 That brings both love and virtue too ? 
 
 But thou bring'ft valour too, and wit. 
 
 Two things that feldom fail to hit. 390 
 
 Valour's a moufe-trap, wit a gin. 
 
 Which women oft' are taken in : 
 
 Then, Hudibras, why fliould'ft thou fear 
 
 To be, that art a conqueror P 
 
 Fortune the audacious doth juvare, 395 
 
 But lets the timidous mifcarry : 
 
 Then, while the honour thou haft got 
 
 Is fpick and fpan new, piping hot, 
 
 Strike her up bravely thou hadft beft. 
 
 And truft thy fortune with the reft. 400 
 
 Such thoughts as thefe the Knight did keep 
 
 More than his bangs, or fleas, from fleep ;
 
 152 
 
 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 And as an owl, that in a barn 
 
 Sees a moufe creeping in the corn. 
 
 Sits ftill, and {huts his round bkie eyes, 405 
 
 As if he flept, until he fpies 
 
 The little beaft within his reach, 
 
 Then ftarts, and feizes on the wretch ; 
 
 So from his couch the Knight did ftart. 
 
 To feize upon the widow's heart; 410 
 
 Crying, with hafby tone and hoarfe, 
 
 Ralpho, difpatch, to horfe, to horfe ! 
 
 And 'twas but time ; for now the rout, 
 
 We left engag'd to feek him out. 
 
 By fpeedy marches were advanc'd 415 
 
 Up to the fort where he enfconc'd. 
 
 And had the avenues all pofTefl, 
 
 About the place, from eaft to weft. 
 
 That done, awhile they made a halt, 
 To view the ground, and where t' aiTault : 420
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 153 
 
 Then call'd a council, which was beft. 
 
 By fiege, or onflaught, to inveft 
 
 The enemy ; and 't was agreed 
 
 By fhorm and onflaught to proceed. 
 
 This b'ing refolv'd, in comely fort 425 
 
 They now drew up t' attack the fort ; 
 
 When Hudibras, about to enter 
 
 Upon another-gate's adventure, 
 
 To Ralpho call'd aloud to arm, 
 
 Not dreaming of approaching fhorm. 430 
 
 Whether dame fortune, or the care 
 
 Of angel bad, or tutelar. 
 
 Did arm, or thruft him on a danger, 
 
 To which he was an utter flranger, 
 
 That forefight might, or might not, blot 435 
 
 The glory he had newly got ; 
 
 Or to his fliame it might be fed. 
 
 They took him napping in his bed :
 
 154 CANTO III. PART u 
 
 To them we leave it to expound. 
 
 That deal in fciences profound. 440 
 
 His courfer fcarce he had beflrid. 
 And Ralpho that on which he rid. 
 When fetting ope the poftern gate. 
 To take the field and fally at. 
 The foe appear'd, drawn up and drill'd, 445 
 Ready to charge them in the field. 
 This fomewhat flartled the bold knight, 
 Surpris'd with th' unexpe6led fight : 
 The bruifes of his bones and fiefli 
 He thought began to fmart afrefh ; 450 
 
 Till recollecting wonted courage, 
 His fear was foon converted to rage. 
 And thus he fpoke : The coward foe. 
 Whom we but now gave quarter to. 
 Look, yonder's rally'd, and appears 455 
 
 As if they had outrun their fears ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO TIL 155 
 
 The glory we did lately get. 
 
 The fates command us to repeat ; 
 
 And to their wills we muft fuccumb, 
 
 Quocunque trahunt, 'tis our doom. 460 
 
 This is the fame numeric crew 
 
 Which we fo lately did fubdue ; 
 
 The felf-fame individuals that 
 
 Did run, as mice do from a cat, 
 
 When we courageoufly did wield 465 
 
 Our martial weapons in the field, 
 
 To tug for vicftory : and when 
 
 We fliall our fliining blades agen 
 
 Brandifli in terror o'er our heads. 
 
 They'll ftraight refume their wonted dreads. 470 
 
 Fear is an ague, that forfakes 
 
 And haunts, by fits, thofe whom it takes ; 
 
 And they'll opine they feel the pain 
 
 And blows, they felt to-day, again.
 
 156 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Then let us boldly charge them home, 475 
 And make no doubt to overcome. 
 
 This faid, his courage to inflame. 
 He call'd upon his miflrefs' name, 
 His pifbol next he cock'd anew, 
 And out his nut-brown whinyard drew ; 480 
 And placing Ralpho in the front, 
 Referv'd himfelf to bear the brunt, 
 As expert warriors ufe ; then ply'd, 
 With iron heel, his courfer's fide. 
 Conveying fympathetic fpeed 485 
 
 From heel of Knight to heel of fteed. 
 
 Meanwhile the foe, with equal rage 
 And fpeed, advancing to engage. 
 Both parties now were drawn fo clofe, 
 Almoft to come to handy-blows : 490
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 157 
 
 When Orfm firft let fly a ftone 
 
 At Ralpho ; not fo huge a one 
 
 As that which Diomed did maul 
 
 ^neas on the bum withal ; 
 
 Yet big enough, if rightly huiTd, 495 
 
 T' have fent him to another world. 
 
 Whether above ground, or below, 
 
 Which faints, twice dipt, are defhin'd to. 
 
 The danger ftartled the bold Squire, 
 
 And made him fome few fteps retire ; 500 
 
 But Hudibras advanc'd to 's aid. 
 
 And rous'd his fpirits half difmay'd : 
 
 He wifely doubting left the fliot 
 
 O' th' enemy, now growing hot. 
 
 Might at a diftance gall, prefs'd clofe, 505 
 
 To come, pell-mell, to handy-blows, 
 
 And that he might their aim decline, 
 
 Advanc'd ftill in an oblique line ;
 
 15 
 
 8 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 But prudently forbore to fire, 
 
 Till breaft to breaft he had got nigher; 510 
 
 As expert warriors ufe to do, 
 
 When hand to hand they charge their foe. 
 
 This order the advent'rous Knight, 
 
 Mofh foldier-like, obferv'd in fight. 
 
 When Fortune, as flie's wont, turn'd fickle, 515 
 
 And for the foe began to flickle. 
 
 The more fliame for her Goodylliip, 
 
 To give fo near a friend the flip. 
 
 For Colon, choofing out a ftone, 
 
 Levell'd fo right, it thump'd upon 520 
 
 His manly paunch, with fuch a force. 
 
 As almofi: beat him off his horfe. 
 
 He loos'd his whinyard, and the rein. 
 
 But laying fail hold on the mane, 
 
 Preferv'd his feat : and, as a goofe 525 
 
 In death contradls his talons clofe,
 
 PART I, CANTO III. 
 
 159 
 
 So did the Knight, and with one claw 
 
 The tricker of his piftol draw. 
 
 The gun went off; and as it was 
 
 Still fatal to ftout Hudibras, 530 
 
 In all its feats of arms, when leaft 
 
 He dreamt of it, to profper beft, 
 
 So now he far'd : the fliot let fly. 
 
 At random, 'mong the enemy, 
 
 Pierc'd Talgol's gabardine, and grazing 535 
 
 Upon his flioulder, in the paffing 
 
 Lodg'd in Magnano's brafs habergeon. 
 
 Who ftraight, A flirgeon cry'd — a furgeon ! 
 
 He tumbled down, and, as he fell. 
 
 Did Murder ! Murder ! Murder ! yell. 540 
 
 This ftartled their whole body fo. 
 
 That if the Knight had not let go 
 
 His arms, but been in warlike plight, 
 
 H' had won, the fecond time, the fight ;
 
 i6o CANTO IIL PART I. 
 
 As, if the Squire had but fall'ii on, 545 
 
 He had inevitably done : 
 
 But he, diverted with the care 
 
 Of Hudibras his wound, forbare 
 
 To prefs th' advantage of his fortune, 
 
 While danger did the reft difliearten. 550 
 
 For he with Cerdon b'ing engag'd 
 
 In clofe encounter, they both wag'd 
 
 The fight fo well, 't was hard to fay 
 
 Which fide was like to get the day. 
 
 And now the bufy work of death 555 
 
 Had tir d them fo, they 'greed to breathe, 
 
 Preparing to renew the fight. 
 
 When th' hard difafler of the knight. 
 
 And th' other party, did divert 
 
 And force their fullen rage to part. 560 
 
 Ralpho prefs'd up to Hudibras, 
 
 And Cerdon where Magnano was.
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. i6t 
 
 Each ftriving to confirm his party 
 
 With ftout encouragements and hearty. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, Courage, valiant Sir, 565 
 
 And let revenge and honour ftir 
 
 Your fpirits up ; once more fall on. 
 
 The fliatter'd foe begins to run : 
 
 For if but half fo well you knew 
 
 To ufe your vidl'ry as fubdue, 570 
 
 They durft not, after fuch a blow 
 
 As you have giv'n them, face us now ; 
 
 But, from fo formidable a fbldier. 
 
 Had fled like crows when they fmell powder. 
 
 Thrice have they feen your fword aloft ^j^ 
 
 Wav'd o'er their heads, and fled as oft: 
 
 But if you let them recolle6l 
 
 Their fpirits, now difmay'd and check'd. 
 
 You'll have a harder game to play. 
 
 Than yet y' have had, to get the day. 580
 
 i62 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Thus fpoke the ftout Squire ; but was heard 
 By Hudibras with fmall regard. 
 His thoughts were fuller of the bang 
 He lately took, than Ralph's harangue ; 
 To which he anfwer'd. Cruel fate 585 
 
 Tells me thy counfel comes too late. 
 The clotted blood within my hofe. 
 That from my wounded body flows, 
 With mortal crifis doth portend 
 My days to appropinque an end. 590 
 
 I am for aftion now unfit. 
 Either of fortitude or wit ; 
 Fortune, my foe, begins to frown, 
 Refolv d to pull my ftomach down. 
 I am not apt, upon a wound, 595 
 
 Or trivial bafting, to defpond : 
 Yet I'd be loath my days to curtail ; 
 For if I thought my wounds not mortal.
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 163 
 
 Or that we 'd time enough as yet 
 
 To make an hon'rable retreat, 600 
 
 'Twere the befl: courfe ; but if they find 
 
 We fly, and leave our arms behind 
 
 For them to feize on, the diflionour, 
 
 And danger too, is fuch, I'll fooner 
 
 Stand to it boldly, and take quarter, 605 
 
 To let them fee I am no ftarter. 
 
 In all the trade of war no feat 
 
 Is nobler than a brave retreat : 
 
 For thofe that run away, and fly. 
 
 Take place at leafh o' th' enemy. 610 
 
 This faid, the Squire, with a6i:ive fpeed, 
 
 Difmounted from his bony fteed 
 
 To feize the arms, which by mifchance 
 
 Fell from the bold Knight in a trance. 
 
 Thefe being found out, and refhor'd 615 
 
 To Hudibras, their natural lord.
 
 i64 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 The a6live Squire, with might and main, 
 
 Prepar'd in hafte to mount again. 
 
 Thrice he aflay'd to mount aloft ; 
 
 But by his weighty bum, as oft 620 
 
 He was pull'd back; 'till having found 
 
 Th' advantage of the rifmg ground. 
 
 Thither he led his warlike fteed. 
 
 And having plac'd him right, with fpeed 
 
 Prepar'd again to fcale the bead, 625 
 
 When Orfin, who had newly dreft 
 
 The bloody fear upon the flioulder 
 
 Of Talgol, with Promethean powder. 
 
 And now was fearching for the fliot 
 
 That laid Magnano on the fpot, 63a 
 
 Beheld the fturdy Squire aforefaid 
 
 Preparing to climb up his horfe-fide ; 
 
 He left his cure, and laying hold 
 
 Upon his arms, with courage bold
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 165 
 
 Cry'd out, 'Tis now no time to dally, 635 
 
 The enemy begin to rally : 
 
 Let us that are unhurt and whole 
 
 Fall on, and happy man be 's dole. 
 
 This faid, like to a thunderbolt. 
 He flew with fury to th' aflault, 640 
 
 Striving the enemy to attack 
 Before he reach'd his horfe's back. 
 Ralpho was mounted now, and gotten 
 O'erthwart his beaft with adlive vaulting. 
 Wriggling his body to recover 645 
 
 His feat, and caft his right leg over ; 
 When Orfm, rufhing in, beftow'd 
 On horfe and man fo heavy a load. 
 The beaft was ftartled, and begun 
 To kick and fling like mad, and run, 650 
 
 Bearing the tough Squire like a fack. 
 Or ftout King Richard, on his back ;
 
 i66 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 'Till ftumbling, he threw him down, 
 
 Sore bruis'd, and caft into a fwoon. 
 
 Meanwhile the Knight began to roufe 655 
 
 The iparkles of his wonted prowefs ; 
 
 He thruft his hand into his hofe. 
 
 And found, both by his eyes and nofe, 
 
 'Twas only choler, and not blood, 
 
 That from his wounded body flow'd. 660 
 
 This, with the hazard of the Squire, 
 
 Enflam'd him with deipightful ire ; 
 
 Courageoufly he fac'd about. 
 
 And drew his other piftol out, 
 
 And now had half-way bent the cock, 665 
 
 When Cerdon gave fo fierce a fliock, 
 
 With fturdy truncheon, thwart his arm, 
 
 That down it fell, and did no harm : 
 
 Then iloutly preffing on with fpeed, 
 
 AfTay'd to pull him off his fteed. 670
 
 PART I. CANTO IIL 167 
 
 The Knight his fword had only left, 
 
 With which he Cerdon's head had cleft, 
 
 Or at the leaft cropt o£F a limb. 
 
 But Orfin came and refcu'd him. 
 
 He with his lance attack'd the Knight 6j^ 
 
 Upon his quarters oppofite. 
 
 But as a bark, that in foul weather, 
 
 Tofs'd by two adverfe winds together. 
 
 Is bruis'd and beaten to and fro. 
 
 And knows not which to turn him to : 680 
 
 "So far'd the Knight between two foes. 
 
 And knew not which of them f oppofe ; 
 
 'Till Orfm charging with his lance 
 
 At Hudibras, by fpightful chance 
 
 Hit Cerdon fuch a bang, as ftunn'd 685 
 
 And laid him flat upon the ground. 
 
 At this the Knight began to cheer up. 
 
 And raifmg up himfelf on ftirrup.
 
 i68 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Cry'd out, vi6loria! lie thou there. 
 
 And I fliall ftraight difpatch another, 690 
 
 To bear thee company in death : 
 
 But firft ril halt awhile, and breathe. 
 
 As well he might: for Oriin griev'd 
 
 At th' wound that Cerdon had receiv'd, 
 
 Ran to relieve him with his lore, 695 
 
 And cure the hurt he made before. 
 
 Meanwhile the Knight had wheel'd about, 
 
 To breathe himfelf, and next find out 
 
 Th' advantage of the ground, where beft 
 
 He might the ruffled foe infeft. 700 
 
 This b'ing refolv'd, he fpurr'd his fteed, 
 
 To run at Orfm with full fpeed, 
 
 While he was bufy in the care 
 
 Of Cerdon's wound, and unaware : 
 
 But he was quick, and had already 705 
 
 Unto the part apply'd remedy ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 169 
 
 And feeing th' enemy prepar'd, 
 
 Drew up, and ftood upon his guard. 
 
 Then, like a warrior, right expert 
 
 And fkilful in the martial art, 710 
 
 The fubtle Knight ftraight made a halt. 
 
 And judg'd it beft to flay th' aflault. 
 
 Until he had reliev'd the Squire, 
 
 And then, in order, to retire ; 
 
 Or, as occafion fliould invite, 715 
 
 With forces join'd renew the fight. 
 
 Ralpho, by this time difentranc'd, 
 
 Upon his bum himfelf advanc'd. 
 
 Though forely bruis'd ; his limbs all o'er. 
 
 With ruthlefs bangs were ftiff and fore ; 720 
 
 Right fain he would have got upon 
 
 His feet again, to get him gone ; 
 
 When Hudibras to aid him came. 
 
 Quoth he, and caU'd him by his name,
 
 lyo CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Courage, the day at length is ours» 725 
 
 And we once more as conquerors. 
 
 Have both the field and honour won. 
 
 The foe is profligate, and run : 
 
 I mean all fuch as can, for fome 
 
 This hand hath fent to their long home; 730 
 
 And fome lie fprawling on the ground. 
 
 With many a gafli and bloody wound. 
 
 Csefar himfelf could never fay 
 
 He got two vi6l'ries in a day. 
 
 As I have done, that can fay, twice I, 735 
 
 In one day, veni, vidi, vici. 
 
 The foe's fo numerous, that we 
 
 Cannot fo often vincere. 
 
 And they perire, and yet enow 
 
 Be left to ftrike an after-blow. 740 
 
 Then, left they rally, and once more 
 
 Put us to fight the bus'nefs o'er.
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 171 
 
 Get up, and mount thy ftccd ; difpatch, 
 And let us both their motions watch. 
 
 Quoth Ralph, I fliould not, if I were 745 
 In cafe for acftion, now be here ; 
 Nor have I turn'd my back, or hang'd 
 An arfe, for fear of being bang'd. 
 It was for you I got thefe harms, 
 Advent'ring to fetch off your arms, 750 
 
 The blows and drubs I have receiv'd, 
 Have bruis'd my body, and bereav'd 
 My limbs of ftrength : unlefs you ftoop. 
 And reach your hand to pull me up, 
 I fliall lie here, and be a prey j^g 
 
 To thofe who now are run away. 
 
 That thou flialt not, quoth Hudibras: 
 We read, the ancients held it was
 
 172 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 More honourable far fervare 
 
 Civem, than flay an adverfary ; 760 
 
 The one we oft' to-day have done. 
 
 The other fhall difpatch anon : 
 
 And tho' th' art of a difFrent church, 
 
 I will not leave thee in the lurch. 
 
 This faid, he jogg d his good fteed nigher, 765 
 
 And fteer'd him gently toward the Squire; 
 
 Then bowing down his body, ftretch'd 
 
 His hand out, and at Ralpho reach'd ; 
 
 When Trulla, whom he did not mind, 
 
 Charg'd him like lightning behind. 770 
 
 She had been long in fearch about 
 
 Magnano's wound, to find it out ,• 
 
 But could find none, nor where the fliot 
 
 That had fo ftartled him was got : 
 
 But having found the worft was paft, 'j'j^ 
 
 She fell to her own work at lafl.
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 173 
 
 The pillage of the prifoners, 
 
 Which in all feats of arms was hers ; 
 
 And now to plunder Ralph flie flew, 
 
 When Hudibras his hard fate drew 780 
 
 To fuccour him ; for, as he bow'd 
 
 To help him up, flie laid a load 
 
 Of blows fo heavy, and plac'd fo well, 
 
 On th' other fide, that down he fell. 
 
 Yield, fcoundrel bafe, quoth flie, or die ; 
 Thy life is mine, and liberty : 
 But if thou think'ft I took thee tardy. 
 And dar'fl: prefume to be fo hardy. 
 To try thy fortune o'er afrefli, 
 I'll wave my title to thy flefli, 790 
 
 Thy arms and baggage, now my right : 
 And if thou haft the heart to try 't.
 
 174 CANTO III. PART I, 
 
 I'll lend thee back thyfelf awhile, 
 
 And once more, for that carcafe vile. 
 
 Fight upon tick. — Quoth Hudibras, 795 
 
 Thou offer'fl nobly, valiant lafs. 
 
 And I lliall take thee at thy word. 
 
 Firft let me rife, and take my fword ; 
 
 That fword, which has fo oft this day 
 
 Through fquadrons of my foes made way, 800 
 
 And fome to other worlds difpatch'd. 
 
 Now with a feeble fpinfher match'd. 
 
 Will blufli with blood ignoble ftain'd, 
 
 By which no honour's to be gain'd. 
 
 But if thou'lt take m' advice in this, 805 
 
 Confider, while thou may'ft, what 'tis 
 
 To interrupt a vi6lor's courfe, 
 
 B' oppofmg fuch a trivial force. 
 
 For if with conquefh I come off. 
 
 And that I fliall do fure enough, 810
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 175 
 
 Quarter thou can'ft not have, nor grace, 
 By law of arms, in fuch a cafe ; 
 Both which I now do offer freely. 
 
 I fcorn, quoth flie, thou coxcomb filly, 
 Clapping her hand upon her breech, 815 
 
 To fliew how much flie priz'd his fpeech. 
 Quarter or counfel from a foe : 
 If thou canfh force me to it, do. 
 But left it fliould again be faid, 
 When I have once more won thy head, 820 
 I took thee napping, unprepar'd. 
 Arm, and betake thee to thy guard. 
 
 This faid, flie to her tackle fell, 
 And on the Knight let fall a peal 
 Of blows fo fierce, and preft fo home, 825 
 
 That he retir'd, and follow'd 's bum.
 
 176 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Stand to 't, quoth flie, or yield to mercy. 
 
 It is not fighting arfie-verfie 
 
 Shall ferve thy turn. — This ftirr'd his fpleen 
 
 More than the danger he was in, 830 
 
 The blows he felt, or was to feel, 
 
 Although th' already made him reel. 
 
 Honour, defpight, revenge, and fliame, 
 
 At once into his ftomach came ; 
 
 Which fir'd it fo, he rais'd his arm 835 
 
 Above his head, and rain'd a ftorm 
 
 Of blows fo terrible and thick. 
 
 As if he meant to hafli her quick. 
 
 But flie upon her truncheon took them, 
 
 And by oblique diverfion broke them ; 840 
 
 Waiting an opportunity 
 
 To pay all back with ufury. 
 
 Which long flie fail'd not of; for now 
 
 The Knight, with one dead-doing blow.
 
 PART r. CANTO III. 177 
 
 Refolving to decide the iight, 845 
 
 And file with quick and cunning flight 
 
 Avoiding it, the force and weight 
 
 He charg'd upon it was fo great, 
 
 As almoft fway'd him to the ground : 
 
 No fooner flie th' advantage found, 850 
 
 But in fhe flew ; and feconding. 
 
 With home-made thruft, the heavy fwing, 
 
 She laid him flat upon his flde. 
 
 And mounting on his trunk aftride. 
 
 Quoth fhe, I told thee what would come 855 
 
 Of all thy vapouring, bafe fcum. 
 
 Say, will the law of arms allow 
 
 I may have grace, and quarter now ? 
 
 Or wilt thou rather break thy word, 
 
 And flain thine honour, than thy fword ? 860 
 
 A man of war to damn his foul, 
 
 In bafely breaking his parole.
 
 178 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 And when before the fight, th' hadft vow'd 
 
 To give no quarter in cold blood ; 
 
 Now thou haft got me for a Tartar, 865 
 
 To make m' againft my will take quarter; 
 
 Why doft not put me to the fword, 
 
 But cowardly fly from thy word ? 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, the day's thine own; 
 Thou and thy ftars have caft me down: 870 
 My laurels are tranfplanted now. 
 And flourifh on thy conqu'ring brow : 
 My lofs of honour's great enough. 
 Thou needft not brand it with a feoff: 
 Sarcafms may eclipfe thine own, 875 
 
 But cannot blur my loft renown : 
 I am not now in fortune's power. 
 He that is down can fall no lower. 
 The ancient heroes were illuftr'ous 
 For being benign, and not bluft'rous 880
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 179 
 
 Againft a vanquifli'd foe : their fwords 
 Were fliarp and trenchant, not their words ; 
 And did in fight but cut work out 
 T' employ their courtefies about. 
 
 Quoth flie, Altho' thou haft deferv'd, 885 
 Bafe SkibberdeguUion, to be ferv d 
 As thou didft vow to deal with me, 
 If thou hadft got the vi6lory ; 
 Yet I fliould rather adl a part 
 That fuits my fame, than thy defer t. 890 
 
 Thy arms, thy liberty, befide 
 All that 's on th' outfide of thy hide. 
 Are mine by military law, 
 Of which I will not bate one ftraw ; 
 The reft, thy life and limbs, once more, 895 
 Tho' doubly forfeit, I reftore.
 
 i8o CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, It is too late 
 For me to treat or ftipulate ; 
 What thou command'ft I mufl obey ; 
 Yet thofe whom I expugn'd to-day, goo 
 
 Of thine own party, I let go. 
 And gave them life and freedom too, 
 Both dogs and bear, upon their parol, 
 Whom I took pris'ners in this quarrel. 
 
 Quoth Trulla, Whether thou or they 905 
 Let one another run away. 
 Concerns not me ; but was 't not thou 
 That gave Crowdero quarter too ? 
 Crowdero, whom in irons bound. 
 Thou bafely threw'ft into Lob's pound, 910 
 Where ftill he lies, and with regret 
 His generous bowels rage and fret :
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 181 
 
 But now thy carcafe fliall redeem. 
 And ferve to be exchang'd for him. 
 
 This faid, the Knight did ftraight fubmit. 
 And laid his weapons at her feet: 
 Next he difrob'd his gaberdine. 
 And with it did himfelf refign. 
 She took it, and forthwith divefling 
 The mantle that flie wore, faid, jefting, 920 
 Take that, and wear it for my fake- 
 Then threw it o'er his fhurdy back : 
 And as the French, we conquer d once, 
 Now give us laws for pantaloons. 
 The length of breeches, and the gathers, 925 
 Port-cannons, perriwigs, and feathers, 
 Juft fo the proud, infulting lafs 
 Array 'd and dighted Hudibras.
 
 i82 GANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Meanwhile the other champions, yerft 
 In hurry of the fight difperfi:, 930 
 
 Arriv'd, when TruUa 'd won the day, 
 To fliare in th' honour and the prey. 
 And out of Hudibras his hide, 
 With vengeance to be fatisfy'd ; 
 Which now they were about to pour 935 
 
 Upon him, in a wooden fliow'r : 
 But Trulla thruft herfelf between, 
 And fliriding o'er his back agen. 
 She brandifli'd o'er her head his fword. 
 And vow'd they fliould not break her word ; 
 Sh' had given him quarter, and her blood. 
 Or theirs, fliould make that quarter good. 
 For flie was bound, by law of arms, 
 To fee him fafe from further harms. 
 In dungeon deep Crowdero caft 945 
 
 By Hudibras, as yet lay faft.
 
 PART L CANTO III. 183 
 
 Where to the hard and ruthlefs ftones, 
 His great heart made perpetual moans y 
 Him flie refolv'd that Hudibras 
 Should ranfom, and fupply his place. 950 
 
 This ftopp'd their fury, and the bailing 
 Which toward Hudibras was hafting. 
 They thought it was but juft and right. 
 That what flie had atchiev'd in fight, 
 She fliould diipofe of how flie pleas'd ; 955 
 
 Crowdero ought to be released : 
 Nor could that any way be done 
 So well, as this flie pitched upon : 
 For who a better could imagine } 
 This therefore they refolv'd t' engage In. 960 
 The Knight and Squire firft they made 
 Rife from the ground where they were laid. 
 Then mounted both upon their horfes, 
 But with their faces to the arfes.
 
 184 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Orfin led Hudibras's beaft, 965 
 
 And Talgol that which Ralpho prefl: ; 
 
 Whom flout Magnano, valiant Cerdon, 
 
 And Colon, waited as a guard on ; 
 
 All ufli'ring TruUa, in the rear. 
 
 With th' arms of either prifonen 970 
 
 In this proud order and array. 
 
 They put themfelves upon their way, 
 
 Striving to reach tlV enchanted Caftle, 
 
 Where flout Crowdero in durance lay flill. 
 
 Thither with greater fpeed than fhows, 975 
 
 And triumphs over conquer'd foes. 
 
 Do ufe t' allow; or than the bears. 
 
 Or pageants borne before lord-mayors. 
 
 Are wont to ufe, they foon arriv'd, 
 
 In order, foldier-like contriv'd : 980 
 
 Still marching in a warlike poflure, 
 
 As fit for battle as for mufler.
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 185 
 
 The Knight and Squire they firft unhorfe, 
 
 And, bending 'gainfl the fort their force. 
 
 They all advanc'd, and round about 985 
 
 Begirt the magical redoubt. 
 
 Magnan led up in this adventure, 
 
 And made way for the reft to enter : 
 
 For he was fkilful in black art. 
 
 No lefs than he that built the fort, 990 
 
 And with an iron mace laid flat 
 
 A breach, which ftraight all enter'd at. 
 
 And in the wooden dungeon found 
 
 Crowdero laid upon the ground : 
 
 Him they releafe from durance bafe, 995 
 
 Reftor'd t' his fiddle and his cafe, 
 
 And liberty, his thirfty rage 
 
 With lufcious veng'ance to afluage ; 
 
 For he no fooner was at large. 
 
 But Trulla ftraight brought on the charge, 1000
 
 i86 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 And in the felf-fame limbo put 
 
 The Knight and Squire, where he was fliut ; 
 
 Where leaving them i' th' wretched hole, 
 
 Their bangs and durance to condole, 
 
 Confin'd and conjur'd into narrow 1005 
 
 Enchanted manfion, to know forrow. 
 
 In the fame order and array^ 
 
 Which they advanc'd, they march'd away : 
 
 But Hudibras, who fcorn'd to ftoop 
 
 To fortune, or be faid to droop, 1010 
 
 Cheer'd up himfelf with ends of verfe, 
 
 And fayings of philofophers. 
 
 Quoth he, Th' one half of man, his mind. 
 Is, fui juris, unconfin'd. 
 
 And cannot be laid by the heels, 1015 
 
 What e'er the other moiety feels. 
 'Tis not reflraint, or liberty. 
 That makes men prifoners or free j
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 187 
 
 But perturbations that poflefs 
 
 The mind, or equanimities. 1020 
 
 The whole world was not half fo wide 
 
 To Alexander, when he cry'd, 
 
 Becaufe he had but one to fubdue. 
 
 As was a paltry narrow tub to 
 
 Diogenes ; who is not faid, 1025 
 
 For aught that ever I could read. 
 
 To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and fob, 
 
 Becaufe h' had ne'er another tub. 
 
 The ancients make two fev ral kinds 
 
 Of prowefs in heroic minds, 1030 
 
 The a6live and the paffive valiant, 
 
 Both which are pari libra gallant ; 
 
 For both to give blows, and to carry. 
 
 In fights are equi-necefliuy : 
 
 But in defeats, the pafTive fhout 1035 
 
 Are always found to fland it out
 
 i88 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Moft defpVately, and to out-do 
 
 The a6live, 'gainft a conqu'ring foe : 
 
 Tho' we with blacks and blues are fuggil'd. 
 
 Or, as the vulgar fay, are cudgefd ; 1040 
 
 He that is valiant, and dares fight, 
 
 Tho' drubb'd, can lofe no honour by 't. 
 
 Honour 's a leafe for lives to come. 
 
 And cannot be extended from 
 
 The legal tenant: 'tis a chattel 1045 
 
 Not to be forfeited in battel. 
 
 If he that in the field is flain^ 
 
 Be in the bed of Honour lain,. 
 
 He that is beaten may be fed 
 
 To lie in Honour's truckle-bed. 105a 
 
 For as we fee th' eclipfed fun 
 
 By mortals is more gaz'd upon 
 
 Than when, adorn'd with all his light. 
 
 He fliines in ferene fky moft bright ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 189 
 
 So valour, in a low eftate, 1055 
 
 Is mofh admir'd and wonder'd at. 
 
 Quoth Ralph, How great I do not know 
 We may, by being beaten, grow; 
 But none that fee how here we fit, 
 Will judge us overgrown with wit. 1060 
 
 As gifted brethren, preaching by 
 A carnal hour-glafs, do imply 
 Illumination, can convey 
 Into them what they have to fay, 
 But not how much ; fo well enough 1065 
 
 Know you to charge, but not draw off. 
 For who, without a cap and bauble. 
 Having fubdu d a bear and rabble. 
 And might with honour have come off. 
 Would put it to a fecond proof: 107a 
 
 A politic exploit, right fit 
 For Prefbyterian zeal and wit.
 
 90 
 
 CANTO III. PART r. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, That cuckoo's tone, 
 Ralpho, thou ahvays harp'ft upon ; 
 When thou at any thing would'fl rail, 1075 
 Thou mak'fl: Prefbytery thy fcale 
 To take the height on't, and explain 
 To what degree it is profane. 
 What s'ever will not with thy — what d' ye call — 
 Thy light — jump right, thou call'ft fynodical. 
 As if Prefbytery were a ftandard 
 To fize what s'ever 's to be flander'd. 
 Doft not remember how this day 
 Thou to my beard waft bold to fay, 
 That thou could'ft prove bear-baiting equal 
 With fynods, orthodox and legal ? 
 Do, if thou can'ft, for I deny 't, 
 And dare thee to 't with all thy light. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, Truly that is no 
 Hard matter for a man to do, 1090
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 191 
 
 That has but any guts in 's brains, 
 And could believe it worth his pains ; 
 But fince you dare and urge me to it. 
 You'll find I've light enough to do it. 
 
 Synods are myftical bear-gardens, 1095 
 
 Where elders, deputies, church-wardens. 
 And other members of the court. 
 Manage the Babylonilli fport. 
 For prolocutor, fcribe, and bearward. 
 Do diiFer only in a mere word. iio<^ 
 
 Both are but fev ral fynagogues 
 Of carnal men, and bears, and dogs: 
 Both antichriflian aflemblies. 
 To mifchief bent, as far *s in them lies : 
 Both ftave and tail with fierce contefts, 1105 
 The one with men, the other beafts. 
 The diiFrence is, the one fights with 
 The tongue, the other with the teeth ;
 
 1Q2 CANTO III. PART I. ^ 
 
 i 
 
 And that they bait but bears in this, 
 
 In th' other fouls and confciences; mo 
 
 Where faints themfelves are brought to flake 
 
 For golpel-light and confcience fake ; 
 
 Expos'd to fcribes and prefbyters, 
 
 Inftead of maftiff dogs and curs ; 
 
 Than whom th' have lefs humanity, 1115 
 
 For thefe at fouls of men will fly. 
 
 This to the prophet did appear, 
 
 Who in a vifion faw a bear. 
 
 Prefiguring the beaftly rage 
 
 Of church-rule, in this latter age : 1120 
 
 As is demonftrated at full 
 
 By him that baited the pope's bull. 
 
 Bears naturally are beafts of prey, 
 
 That live by rapine ; fo do they. 
 
 What are their orders, conftitutions, 1125 
 
 Church-cenfures, curfes, abfolutions,
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 
 
 93 
 
 But fev ral myfhic chains they make, 
 
 To tie poor Chriftians to the flake ? 
 
 And then fet heathen officers, 
 
 Infhead of dogs, about their ears. 1130 
 
 For to prohibit and difpenfe. 
 
 To find out, or to make olTence ; 
 
 Of hell and heav'n to difpofe, 
 
 To play with fouls at faft and loofe ; 
 
 To fet what characters they pleafe, 1135 
 
 And mul6ls on fin or godlinefs ; 
 
 Reduce the church to gofpel-order, 
 
 By rapine, facrilege, and murder; 
 
 To make prefbytery fupreme, 
 
 And kings themfelves fubmit to them; 1140 
 
 And force all people, tho' againfh 
 
 Their confciences, to turn faints; 
 
 Mufl prove a pretty thriving trade, 
 
 When faints monopolifts are made :
 
 194 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 When pious frauds, and holy fliifts, 1145 
 
 Are difpenfations, and gifts ; 
 
 There godlinefs becomes mere ware, 
 
 And ev'ry fynod but a fair. 
 
 Synods are whelps o' th' Inquiiition, 
 
 A mungrel breed of like pernicion, 1150 
 
 And growing up, became the fires 
 
 Of fcribes, commiflioners, and triers ; 
 
 Whofe bus'nefs is, by cunning flight. 
 
 To cafh a figure for men's light,- 
 
 To find, in lines of beard and face, 1155 
 
 The phyfiognomy of grace ; 
 
 And by the found and twang of nofe. 
 
 If all be found within difclofe. 
 
 Free from a crack, or flaw of fmning. 
 
 As men try pipkins by the ringing; ii5o 
 
 By black caps, underlaid with white. 
 
 Give certain guefs at inward light;
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 195 
 
 Which ferjeants at the gofpel wear, 
 
 To make the fp'ritual calling clear. 
 
 The handkerchief about the neck, 1 1 65 
 
 — Canonical cravat of fmeck. 
 
 From whom the inftitution came, 
 
 When church and ftate they fet on flame, 
 
 And worn by them as badges then 
 
 Of fpiritual warfaring-men, — 1170 
 
 Judge rightly if regeneration 
 
 Be of the newefh cut in fafliion : 
 
 Sure 'tis an orthodox opinion. 
 
 That grace is founded in dominion. 
 
 Great piety confifts in pride ; 1175 
 
 To rule is to be fandlify'd : 
 
 To domineer, and to controul, 
 
 Both o'er the body and the foul. 
 
 Is the moft perfedl difcipline 
 
 Of church-rule, and by right divine. 1180
 
 196 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 Bell and the Dragons chaplains were 
 
 More moderate than thofe by far : 
 
 For they, poor knaves, were glad to cheat. 
 
 To get their wives and children meat ; 
 
 But thefe will not be fobb'd off fo, 1185 
 
 They mufl have wealth and power too ; 
 
 Or elfe, with blood and defolation, 
 
 They'll tear it out o' th' heart o' th' nation. 
 
 Sure thefe themfelves from primitive 
 And heathen priefthood do derive, 1 1 90 
 
 When butchers were the only clerks. 
 Elders and prefbyters of kirks • 
 Whofe directory was to kill ; 
 And fome believe it is fo ftilL 
 The only diff'rence is, that then , 1195 
 
 They flaughter'd only beafts, now men. 
 For them to facrifice a bullock. 
 Or, now and then, a child to Moloch,
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 
 
 97 
 
 They count a vile abomination. 
 
 But not to flaughter a whole nation. 1200 
 
 Prefbytery does but tranflate 
 
 The papacy to a free ftate, 
 
 A common-wealth of popery, 
 
 Where ev ry village is a fee 
 
 As well as Rome, and mufl maintain 1205 
 
 A tithe-pig metropolitan ; 
 
 Where every prefbyter, and deacon. 
 
 Commands the keys for cheefe and bacon ; 
 
 And ev'ry hamlet 's governed 
 
 By 's holinefs, the church's head, 1210 
 
 More haughty and fevere in 's place 
 
 Than Gregory and Boniface. 
 
 Such church mufl, furely> be a monfter 
 
 With many heads : for if we confter 
 
 What in th' Apocalypfe we find, 1215 
 
 According to th' Apofbles' mind.
 
 198 CANTO III. PARTI, i 
 
 *Tis that the whore of Babylon, 
 
 With many heads, did ride upon ; 
 
 Which heads denote the finful tribe 
 
 Of deacon, prieft, lay-elder, fcribe. 1220 
 
 Lay-elder, Simeon to Levi, 
 Whofe little finger is as heavy 
 As loins of patriarchs, prince-prelate. 
 And biihop-fecular. This zealot 
 Is of a mmigrel, divers kind, 1225 
 
 Cleric before, and lay behind ; 
 A lawlefs linfey-woolfey brother, 
 Half of one order, half another ; 
 A creature of amphibious nature. 
 On land a beaft, a fifli in water ; 1230 
 
 That always preys on grace, or fin ; 
 A ftieep without, a wolf within. 
 This fierce inquifitor has chief 
 Dominion over men's belief
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 99 
 
 And manners j can pronounce a faint 1235 
 
 Idolatrous, or ignorant. 
 
 When fupercilioufly he fifts. 
 
 Through coarfeft boulter, others gifts. 
 
 For all men live, and judge amifs, 
 
 Whofe talents jump not juft with his. 1240 
 
 He'll lay on gifts with hands, and place 
 
 On duUefl noddle light and grace. 
 
 The manufacture of the kirk, 
 
 Whofe paftors are but th' handiwork 
 
 Of his mechanic paws, infbilling 1245 
 
 Divinity in them by feeling. 
 
 From whence they ftart up chofen veflels, 
 
 Made by contact, as men get meafles. 
 
 So cardinals, they fay, do grope 
 
 At th' other end the new-made pope. 1250 
 
 Hold, hold, quoth Hudibras, Soft fire, 
 They fay, does make fweet malt. Good Squire,
 
 200 
 
 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Feftina leiite, not too faft ; 
 
 For hafte, the proverb fays, makes wafte. 
 
 The qiurks and cavils thou doft make 1255 
 
 Are falfe, and built upon miftake: 
 
 And I fliall bring you, with your pack 
 
 Of fallacies, t' Elenchi back ; 
 
 And put your arguments in mood 
 
 And figure to be underflood. 1260 
 
 I'll force you, by right ratiocination. 
 
 To leave your vitilitigation. 
 
 And make you keep to th' queftion clofe, 
 
 And argue dialedlicw?. 
 
 The queftion then, to ftate it firft, 1265 
 
 Is, which is better, or which worft. 
 Synods or bears. Bears I avow 
 To be the worft, and fynods thou. 
 But, to make good th' aflertion. 
 Thou fay 'ft th' are really all one. 1270
 
 PART I. CANTO III. 
 
 201 
 
 If fo, not worft ; for if th' are idem. 
 
 Why then, tantundem dat tantidem. 
 
 For if they are the fame, by courfe 
 
 Neither is better, neither worfe. 
 
 But I deny they are the fame, 1275 
 
 More than a maggot and I am. 
 
 That both are animalia, 
 
 I grant, but not rationalia : 
 
 For though they do agree in kind. 
 
 Specific difference we find; 1280 
 
 And can no more make bears of thefe, 
 
 Than prove my horfe is Socrates. 
 
 That fynods are bear-gardens too. 
 
 Thou dofl affirm ; but I fay. No : 
 
 And thus I prove it, in a word, 1285 
 
 What s'ever aflembly 's not impow'r'd 
 
 To cenfure, curfe, abfolve, and ordain. 
 
 Can be no fynod : but Bear-garden
 
 202 
 
 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Has no fuch pow'r, ergo 'tis none; 
 
 And fo thy fophiflry's o'erthrown. 1290 
 
 But yet we are befide the queftion 
 Which thou didft raife the firft conteft on : 
 For that was. Whether bears are better 
 Than fynod-men ? I fay, Negatur. 
 That bears are beafts, and fynods men, 1295 
 Is held by all : they 're better then ; 
 For bears and dogs on four legs go, 
 As beafls ; but fynod-men on two. 
 'Tis true, they all have teeth and nails ; 
 But prove that fynod-men have tails: 1300 
 
 Or that a rugged, fliaggy fur 
 Grows o'er the hide of preibyter ; 
 Or that his fnout and fpacious ears 
 Do hold proportion with a bear's. 
 A bear's a favage beaft, of all 1 305 
 
 Moft ugly and unnatural.
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 
 
 20' 
 
 Whelp'd without form, until the dam 
 
 Has lickt it into fliape and frame : 
 
 But all thy light can ne'er evidl. 
 
 That ever fynod-man was lickt, 1310 
 
 Or brought to any other fafliion 
 
 Than his own will and inclination. 
 
 But thou dofh further yet in this 
 Oppugn thyfelf and fenfe ; that is. 
 Thou would' ft have prefbyters to go 1315 
 
 For bears and dogs, and bearwards too ; 
 A fhrange chimera of beafts and men. 
 Made up of pieces het'rogene ; 
 Such as in nature never met. 
 In eodem fubjedlo yet. 1320 
 
 Thy other arguments are all 
 Suppofures hypothetical. 
 That do but beg ; and we may chufe 
 Either to grant them, or refufe.
 
 204 CANTO III. PART I. 
 
 Much thou haft faid, which I know when, 1325 
 
 And where thou ftoFft from other men ; 
 
 Whereby 'tis plain thy light and gifts 
 
 Are all but plagiary fliifts ; 
 
 And is the fame that Ranter faid, 
 
 Who, arguing with me, broke my head, 1330 
 
 And tore a handful of my beard ; 
 
 The felf-fame cavils then I heard. 
 
 When b'ing in hot diipute about 
 
 This controverfy, we fell out ; 
 
 And what thou know'ft I anfwer'd then, 1335 
 
 Will ferve to anfwer thee agen. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, nothing but th' abufe 
 Of human learning you produce ; 
 Learning, that cobweb of the brain. 
 Profane, erroneous, and vain ; 1 340 
 
 A trade of knowledge as replete. 
 As others are with fraud and cheat ;
 
 PARTI. CANTO III. 205 
 
 An art t' incumber gifts and wit. 
 
 And render both for nothing fit ; 
 
 Makes light unadlive, dull and troubled, 1 345 
 
 Like little David in Saul's doublet : 
 
 A cheat that fcholars put upon 
 
 Other men's reafon and their own • 
 
 A fort of error to enfconce 
 
 Abfurdity and ignorance, 1350 
 
 That renders all the avenues 
 
 To truth impervious, and abftrufe. 
 
 By making plain things, in debate. 
 
 By art perplex'd, and intricate : 
 
 For nothing goes for fenfe or light 1355 
 
 That will not with old rules jump right, 
 
 As if rules were not in the fchools 
 
 Deriv'd from truth, but truth from rules. 
 
 This pagan, heathenifli invention 
 Is good for nothing but contention* 1360
 
 2o6 CANTO III. PARTI. 
 
 For as in fword-and-buckler %ht, 
 
 All blows do on the target light: 
 
 So when men argue, the great'il part 
 
 O' th' contefh falls on terms of art. 
 
 Until the fuftian ftuff be fpent, 1365 
 
 And then they fall to th' argument. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, Friend Ralph, thou haft 
 Out-run the conftable at laft; 
 For thou art fallen on a new 
 Difpute, as fenfelefs as untrue, 1370 
 
 But to the former oppofite. 
 And contrary as black to white; 
 Mere difparata, that concerning 
 Prefbytery, this human learning; 
 • Two things s' ayerfe, they never yet, 1375 
 But in thy rambling fancy, met : 
 But I fliall take a fit occafion 
 T' evince thee by ratiocination,
 
 PART I. 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 207 
 
 Some other time, in place more proper 
 Than this w' are m : therefore let 's ftop here, 
 And reft our weary'd bones awhile, 
 Already tir'd with other toil. 
 
 /./tffi st>f'^. 
 
 Fart/. OzmUS. Zinr ^^3.
 
 V
 
 PART II. 
 
 FIRST CANTO. 
 
 Cfje 9irgumcnt. 
 
 The K}ngbt being clapp'd by t/S heels in prijofi^ 
 
 The lajl unhappy expedition^ 
 
 Love brings his aSlion on the cafe. 
 
 And lays it upon Hiidibras. 
 
 How he receives the lady s vifit. 
 
 And cunningly Jolicits his Jiiit, 
 
 TVhich Jlje defers : yet, on parole. 
 
 Redeems him from th' enchanted hole.
 
 1
 
 •^ 
 
 '■^" 
 
 l.ReJi scuip. 
 
 Fart 2. (kfU9 /. Zif A6 . 
 
 H U D I B R A S. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 Jdut now, t' obferve romantique method, 
 Let rufty fteel awhile be flieathed; 
 And all thofe harfii and rugged founds 
 Of baftinadoes, cuts, and wounds, 
 Exchang'd to love's more gentle ftyle. 
 To let our reader breathe awhile : 
 
 5
 
 212 
 
 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 In which, that we may be as brief as 
 Is poflible, by way of preface. 
 
 Is 't not enough to make one ftrange. 
 That fome men's fancies fliould ne'er change. 
 But make all people do and fay 
 The fame things ftill the felf-fame way ? 
 Some writers make all ladies purloin'd, 
 And knights purfuing like a whirlwind : 
 Others make all their knights, in fits 15 
 
 Of jealoufy, to lofe their wits ; 
 Till drawing blood o' th* dames, like witches. 
 They're forthwith cur'd of their capriches. 
 Some always thrive in their amours. 
 By pulling plaifhers off their fores ; 2a 
 
 As cripples do to get an alms, 
 Juft fo do they, and win their dames. 
 Some force whole regions, in defpite 
 O' geography, to change their fite ;
 
 PART II, CANTO I. 213 
 
 Make former times fliake hands with latter, 25 
 
 And that which was before, come after; 
 
 But thofe that write in rhyme ftill make 
 
 The one verfe for the other's fake ; 
 
 For one for fenfe, and one for rhyme, 
 
 I think 's fufEcient at one time. 30 
 
 But we forget in what fad plight 
 We whilom left the captiv'd Knight 
 And penfive Squire, both bruis'd in body. 
 And conjur'd into fafe cuftody. 
 Tir'd with difpute, and fpeaking Latin, 35 
 As well as bailing and bear-baiting. 
 And defperate of any courfe. 
 To free himfelf by wit or force. 
 His only folace was, that now 
 His dog-bolt fortune was fo low, 40 
 
 That either it mufh quickly end. 
 Or turn about again, and mend :
 
 214 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 In which he found th' event, no lefs 
 Than other times, befide his guefs. 
 
 There is a tall long-fided dame — 45 
 
 But wond'rous light — ycleped Fame, 
 That like a thin cameleon boards 
 Herfelf on air, and eats her words ; 
 Upon her flioulders wings flie wears 
 Like hanging fleeves, lin'd thro' with ears, 50 
 And eyes, and tongues, as poets lift, 
 Made good by deep mythologift : 
 With thefe llie thro' the welkin flies. 
 And fometimes carries truth, oft' lies ; 
 With letters hung, like eaftern pigeons, g^ 
 And Mercuries of furtheft regions ; 
 Diurnals writ for regulation 
 Of lying, to inform the nation. 
 And by their public ufe to bring down 
 The rate of whetftones in the kingdom : 60
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 215 
 
 About her neck a pacquet-male. 
 
 Fraught with advice, fome frefli, fome ftale. 
 
 Of men that walk'd when they were dead, 
 
 And cows of monfters brought to-bed : 
 
 Of hail-ftones big as pullets eggs, 65 
 
 And puppies whelp'd with twice two legs : 
 
 A blazing ftar feen in the weft, 
 
 By fix or feven men at leaft. 
 
 Two trumpets flie does found at once. 
 
 But both of clean contrary tones ; 70 
 
 But whether both with the fame wind. 
 
 Or one before, and one behind. 
 
 We know not ; only this can tell, 
 
 Th' one founds vilely, th' other well. 
 
 And therefore vulgar authors name -j^ 
 
 The one good, th' other evil fame. 
 
 This tattling goffip knew too well. 
 What mifchief Hudibras befel ;
 
 2 
 
 i6 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 And ftraight the fpightful tidings bears, 
 
 Of all, to th' unkind widow's ears. 80 
 
 Democritus ne'er laugh'd fo loud 
 
 To fee bawds carted through the crowd. 
 
 Or funerals with ftately pomp, 
 
 March flowly on in folemn dump ; 
 
 As flie laugh'd out, until her back, 85 
 
 As well as fides, was like to crack. 
 
 She vow'd flie would go fee the fight. 
 
 And vifit the diftrefled Knight, 
 
 To do the office of a neighbour. 
 
 And be a goffip at his labour ; 90 
 
 And from his wooden jail, the flocks, 
 
 To fet at large his fetter-locks, 
 
 And by exchange, parole, or ranfom, 
 
 To free him from th' enchanted manfion. 
 
 This b'ing refolv'd, flie call'd for hood 95 
 
 And ufher, implements abroad
 
 PART 11. CANTO L 217 
 
 Which ladies wear, befide a flender 
 
 Young waiting damfel to attend her. 
 
 All which appearing, on flie went, 
 
 To find the Knight in limbo pent : 100 
 
 And 'twas not long before llie found 
 
 Him, and his ftout Squire in the pound; 
 
 Both coupled in enchanted tether. 
 
 By further leg behind together : 
 
 For as he fat upon his rump, 105 
 
 His head, like one in doleful dump. 
 
 Between his knees, his hands apply'd 
 
 Unto his ears on either fide. 
 
 And by him, in another hole, 
 
 Afilidled Ralpho, cheek by joul ; 110 
 
 She came upon him in his wooden 
 
 Magician's circle, on the fudden. 
 
 As fpirits do t' a conjurer. 
 
 When in their dreadful fliapes th* appear.
 
 2i8 CANTO T. PART II. 
 
 No fooner did the Knight perceive her, 115 
 But ftraight he fell into a fever, 
 Inflam'd all over with difgrace. 
 To be feen by her in fuch a place ; 
 Which made him hang his head, and fcowl, 
 And wink and goggle like an owl; 120 
 
 He felt his brains begin to fwim. 
 When thus the dame accofted him : 
 
 This place, quoth flie, they fay 's enchanted. 
 And with delinquent fpirits haunted ; 
 That here are ty'd in chains, and fcourg'd. 
 Until their guilty crimes be purg'd : 
 Look, there are two of them appear 
 Like perfons I have feen fomewhere : 
 Some have miftaken blocks and pofls 
 For fpe6lres, apparitions, ghofts, 130 
 
 With ilmcer-eyes, and horns ; and fome 
 Have heard the devil beat a drum :
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 219 
 
 But if our eyes are not falfe glafTes, 
 
 That give a wrong account of faces. 
 
 That beard and I fliould be acquainted, 135 
 
 Before 'twas conjur'd and enchanted. 
 
 For though it be disfigur'd fomewhat. 
 
 As if 't had lately been in combat, 
 
 It did belong t' a worthy Knight, 
 
 Howe'er this goblin is come by 't. 140 
 
 When Hudibras the lady heard 
 To take kind notice of his beard. 
 And fpeak with fuch refpeft and honour 
 Both of the beard, and the beard's owner. 
 He thought it befh to fet as good 145 
 
 A face uDon it as he cou'd, 
 And thus he fpoke : Lady, your bright 
 And radiant eyes are in the right ; 
 The beard 's th' identique beard you knew. 
 The fame numerically true: 150
 
 2 20 
 
 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 Nor is it worn by fiend or elf, 
 But its proprietor himfelf. 
 
 O heavens 1 quoth flie, can that be true ? 
 I do begin to fear 'tis you ; 
 Not by your individual whifkers, 155 
 
 But by your dialedl and difcourfe, 
 That never fpoke to man or beafl. 
 In notions vulgarly expreft : 
 But what malignant ftar, alas ! 
 Has brought you both to this fad pafs ? 160 
 
 Quoth he, the fortune of the war. 
 Which I am lefs afflicSled for, 
 Than to be feen with beard and face 
 By you in fuch a homely cafe. 
 
 Quoth file, thofe need not be afliam'd 165 
 For being honourably maim'd ; 
 If he that is in battle conquer'd. 
 Have any title to his own beard,
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 22 1 
 
 Tho' yours be forely lugg'd and torn, 
 
 It does your vifage more adorn 1 70 
 
 Than if 't were prun'd, and ftarch'd, and lander'd» 
 
 And cut fquare by the Ruffian ftandard. 
 
 A torn beard 's like a tatter 'd enfign. 
 
 That 's braveft which there are mofh rents in. 
 
 That petticoat, about your fhoulders, 175 
 
 Does not fo well become a foldier's ; 
 
 And I'm afraid they are worfe handled, 
 
 Altho' i' th' rear, your beard the van led; 
 
 And thofe uneafy bruifes make 
 
 My heart for company to ake, 180 
 
 To fee fo worfliipful a friend 
 
 r th' pillory fet, at the wrong end. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, this thing call'd pain, 
 Is, as the learned Stoics maintain, 
 Not bad fimpliciter, nor good, 185 
 
 But merely as 'tis underflood.
 
 222 
 
 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 Senfe is deceitful, and may feign 
 
 As well in counterfeiting pain 
 
 As other grofs phsenomenas, 
 
 In which it oft' mifbakes the cafe. 190 
 
 But fince th' immortal intelledl. 
 
 That 's free from error and defecft, 
 
 Whofe objeds ftill perfift the fame, 
 
 Is free from outward bruife or maim, 
 
 Which nought external can expofe 195 
 
 To grofs material bangs or blows. 
 
 It follows we can ne'er befure 
 
 Whether we pain or not endure ; 
 
 And juft fo far are fore and griev'd. 
 
 As by the fancy is believ'd. 200 
 
 Some have been wounded with conceit, 
 
 And dy'd of mere opinion ftraight ; 
 
 Others, tho' wounded fore in reafon. 
 
 Felt no contufion, nor difcretion.
 
 PART II, CANTO I. 
 
 223 
 
 A Saxon duke did grow fo fat, 205 
 
 That mice, as hiftories relate, 
 
 Ate grots and labyrinths to dwell in 
 
 His poftique parts, without his feeling ; 
 
 Then how is 't poffible a kick 
 
 Should e'er reach that way to the quick ? 210 
 
 Quoth flie, I grant it is in vain, 
 For one that 's bailed to feel pain ; 
 Becaufe the pangs his bones endure, 
 Contribute nothing to the cure ; 
 Yet honour hurt, is wont to rage 215 
 
 With pain no med'cine can afluage. 
 
 Quoth he, that honour's very fqueamifli 
 That takes a bafting for a blemifli : 
 For what 's more honourable than fears, 
 Or fkin to tatters rent in wars ? 220 
 
 Some have been beaten till they know 
 What wood a cudgel's of by th' blow ;
 
 224 
 
 CANTO I. PARTI!.. 
 
 Some kick'd, until they can feel whether 
 
 A ihoe be Spanifli or neats-leather : 
 
 And yet have met, after long running, 225 
 
 With fome whom they have taught that cunning. 
 
 The furtheft way about, t' o'ercome, 
 
 r th' end does prove th' neareft home ; 
 
 By laws of learned duellifts. 
 
 They that are bruis'd with wood, or iifls, 230 
 
 And think one beating may for once 
 
 Suffice, are cowards and poltrons : 
 
 But if they dare engage t' a fecond. 
 
 They 're ftout and gallant fellows reckon'd. 
 
 Th' old Romans freedom did beftow ; 235 
 Our princes worfliip, with a blow : 
 King Pyrrhus cur'd his fplenetic 
 And tefhy courtiers with a kick. 
 The Negus, when fome mighty lord 
 Or potentate 's to be reftor'd, 240
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 225 
 
 And pardon'd for fome great offence, 
 
 With which he 's willing to difpenfe, 
 
 Firfb has him laid upon his belly, 
 
 Then beaten back and fide, t' a jelly ; 
 
 That done, he rifes, humbly bows, 245 
 
 And gives thanks for the princely blows ; 
 
 Departs not meanly proud, and boafling 
 
 Of his magnificent rib-roafting. 
 
 The beaten foldier proves mofh manful. 
 
 That, like his fword, endures the anvil, 250 
 
 And juftly 's found fo formidable. 
 
 The more his valour 's malleable : 
 
 But he that bears a baflinado. 
 
 Will run away from his own fhadow : 
 
 And though I'm now in durance fafl, 255 
 
 By our own party bafely cafl, 
 
 Ranfom, exchange, parole, refus'd. 
 
 And worfe than by the en'my us'd j
 
 226 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 In clofe catafta fiiut, pafl hope 
 
 Of wit or valour to elope ; 260 
 
 As beards, the nearer that they tend 
 
 To th' earth, ftill grow more reverend ; 
 
 And cannons flioot the higher pitches, 
 
 The lower we let down their breeches ; 
 
 I'll make this low dejecfted fate 265 
 
 Advance me to a greater height. 
 
 Quoth flie, you 've almoft made m' in love 
 With that which did my pity move. 
 Great wits and valours, like great ftates, 
 Do fometimes fmk with their own weights : 
 Th' extremes of glory and of fliame. 
 Like eafb and weft, become the fame. 
 No Indian prince has to his palace 
 More foll'wers than a thief to the gallows. 
 But if a beating feem fo brave, 275 
 
 What glories muft a whipping have ?
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 227 
 
 Such great atchievements cannot fail 
 
 To caft fait on a woman's tail : 
 
 For if I thought your nat'ral talent 
 
 Of paffive courage were fo gallant, 280 
 
 As you fhrain hard to have it thought, 
 
 I could grow amorous, and dote. 
 
 When Hudibras this language heard. 
 He prick'd up 's ears, and ftrok'd his beard ; 
 Thought he, this is the lucky hour, 285 
 
 Wines work when vines are in the flower : 
 This crifis then I'll fet my reft on, 
 And put her boldly to the quft'on. 
 
 Madam, what you would feem to doubt, 
 Shall be to all the world made out, 290 
 
 How I've been drubb'd, and with what fpirit. 
 And magnanimity, I bear it ; 
 And if you doubt it to be true, 
 I'll ftake myfelf down againft you :
 
 228 CANTO L PART II. 
 
 And if I fail in love or troth, 295 
 
 Be you the winner, and take both. 
 
 Quoth flie, I've heard old cunning ftagers 
 Say, fools for arguments ufe wagers. 
 And though I prais'd your valour, yet 
 I did not mean to baulk your wit, 300 
 
 Which, if you have, you mufl: needs know 
 What, I have told you before now. 
 And you b' experiment have prov'd, 
 I cannot love where I'm belov'd. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, 'tis a caprich 305 
 
 Beyond th' infli6lion of a witch ; 
 So cheats to play with thofe ftill aim. 
 That do not underftand the game. 
 Love in your heart as idly burns. 
 As fire in antique Roman urns, 310 
 
 To warm the dead, and vainly light 
 Thofe only, that fee nothing by 't.
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 229 
 
 Have you not power to entertain. 
 
 And render love for love again ? 
 
 As no man can draw in his breath 315 
 
 At once, and force out air beneath ? 
 
 Or do you love yourfelf fo much. 
 
 To bear all rivals elfe a grutch ? 
 
 What fate can lay a greater curfe. 
 
 Than you upon yourfelf would force ; 320 
 
 For wedlock without love, fome fay, 
 
 Is but a lock without a key. 
 
 It is a kind of rape to marry 
 
 One tliat neglecfbs, or cares not for ye : 
 
 For what does make it ravifliment, 325 
 
 But b'ing againft the mind's confent ^ 
 
 A rape, that is the more inhuman. 
 
 For being acfled by a woman. 
 
 Why are you fair, but to entice us 
 
 To love you, that you may delpife us ^ 330
 
 230 
 
 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 But though you cannot love, you fay. 
 
 Out of your own fantaftic way. 
 
 Why Ihould you not, at leafb, allow 
 
 Thofe that love you, to do fo too : 
 
 For, as you fly me, and purfue 335 
 
 Love more averfe, fo I do you : 
 
 And am, by your own doctrine, taught 
 
 To pra6life what you call a fault. 
 
 Quoth flie. If what you fay be true. 
 You mufh fly me, as I do you ; 340 
 
 But 'tis not what we do, but fay. 
 In love, and preaching, that muft fway. 
 
 Quoth he, to bid me not to love. 
 Is to forbid my pulfe to move. 
 My beard to grow, my ears to prick up, 345 
 Or, when I 'm in a fit, to hickup : 
 Command me to pifs out the moon» 
 And 'twill as eafily be done.
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 '31 
 
 Love's power 's too great to be withftood 
 
 By feeble human fleili and blood. 350 
 
 'Twas he that brought upon his knees 
 
 The he<5l'ring kill-cow Hercules ; 
 
 Reduc'd his leager-lions' fkin 
 
 T' a petticoat, and made him fpin : 
 
 Seiz'd on his club, and made it dwindle 355 
 
 T' a feeble diftaif, and a fpindle. 
 
 'Twas he made emperors gallants 
 
 To their own fifters, and their aunts ; 
 
 Set popes and cardinals agog. 
 
 To play with pages at leap-frog ; 360 
 
 'Twas he that gave our fenate purges, 
 
 And flux'd the houfe of many a burgefs ; 
 
 Made thofe that reprefent the nation 
 
 Submit, and fuifer amputation : 
 
 And all the grandees o' th' cabal, 365 
 
 Adjourn to tubs, at fpring and fall.
 
 232 
 
 CANTO I. PART 11. 
 
 He mounted fynod-men, and rode 'em 
 
 To Dirty-lane, and little Sodom ; 
 
 Made 'em corvet, like Spanifli jenets, 
 
 And take the ring at madam — 370 
 
 'Twas he that made Saint Francis do 
 
 More than the devil could tempt him to ; 
 
 In cold and frofty weather grow 
 
 Enamour' d of a wife of fnow ; 
 
 And though flie were of rigid temper, 375 
 
 With melting flames accofl and tempt her : 
 
 Which, after in enjoyment quenching, 
 
 He hung a garland on his engine. 
 
 Quoth flie, if love have thefe effedls, 
 Why is it not forbid our fex ? 380 
 
 Why is 't not damn'd, and interdidled, 
 For diabolical and wicked ^ 
 And fong, as out of tune, againft. 
 As Turk and Pope areby the faints?
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 233 
 
 I find, I've greater reafon for it, 385 
 
 Than I believ'd before t' abhor it. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, thefe fad eiFe(fts 
 Spring from your heathenilli negledls 
 Of love's great pow'r, which he returns 
 Upon yourfelves with equal fcorns ; 390 
 
 And thofe who worthy lovers flight, 
 Plagues with prepoft'rous appetite ; 
 This made the beauteous queen of Crete 
 To take a town-bull for her fweet ; 
 And from her greatnefs ftoop fo low, 395 
 
 To be the rival of a cow. 
 Others, to proftitute their great hearts. 
 To be baboons' and monkeys' fweet-hearts. 
 Some with the dev'l himfelf in league grow. 
 By 's reprefentative a negro ; 400 
 
 'Twas this made veftal-maids love-fick, 
 And venture to be bury'd quick.
 
 234 
 
 CANTO L PART II. 
 
 Some, by their fathers and their brothers, 
 
 To be made miftreffes, and mothers : 
 
 'Tis this that proudeft dames enamours 405 
 
 On lacquies, and varlets-des-chambres ; 
 
 Their haughty ftomachs overcomes. 
 
 And makes 'em ftoop to dirty grooms, 
 
 To flight the world, and to difparage 
 
 Claps, iffue, infamy, and marriage. 410 
 
 Quoth fhe, thefe judgments are fevere. 
 Yet fuch as I fliould rather bear. 
 Than truft men with their oaths, or prove 
 Their faith and fecrefy in love. 
 
 Says he, there is a weighty reafon, 415 
 
 For fecrefy in love as treafon. 
 Love is a burglar er, a felon. 
 That in the windore-eye does fteal in 
 To rob the heart, and, with his prey. 
 Steals out again a clofer way, 420
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 •35 
 
 Which whofoever can difcover. 
 
 He 's fure, as he deferves, to fuffer. 
 
 Love is a fire, that burns and fparkles 
 
 In men, as nat 'rally as in charcoals. 
 
 Which footy chymifls ftop in holes, 425 
 
 When out of wood they extra6l coles ; 
 
 So lovers fliould their paffions choke. 
 
 That tho' they burn, they may not fmoke. 
 
 Tis like that fturdy thief that ftole 
 
 And dragg'd beafts backwards into 's hole ; 
 
 So love does lovers, and us men 
 
 Draws by the tails into his den, 
 
 That no impreffion may difcover. 
 
 And trace t' his cave the wary lover. 
 
 But if you doubt I fliould reveal 435 
 
 What you intruft me under feal . 
 
 I'll prove myfelf as clofe and virtuous 
 
 As your own fecretary, Albertus.
 
 236 CANTO L PART II. 
 
 Quoth file, I grant you may be clofe 
 In hiding what your aims propofe : 440 
 
 Love-paffions are like parables, 
 By which men ftill mean fomething elfe : 
 Tho' love be all the world's pretence. 
 Money's the mythologic fenfe, 
 The real fubflance of the fliadow, 445 
 
 "Which all addrefs and courtftiip's made to. 
 
 Thought he, I underftand your play. 
 And how to quit you your own way; 
 He that will win his dame, muft do 
 As Love does, when he bends his bow; 450 
 With the one hand thruft the lady from, 
 And with the other pull her home. 
 I grant, quoth he, wealth is a great 
 Provocative to am'rous heat : 
 It is all philtres and high diet, 455 
 
 That makes love rampant, and fly out :
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 237 
 
 'Tis beauty always in the flower, 
 
 That, buds and bloflbms at fourfcore : 
 
 'Tis that which by the fun and moon, 
 
 At their own weapons are out-done : 460 
 
 That makes knights-errant fall in trances. 
 
 And lav about 'em in romances : 
 
 'Tis virtue, wit, and worth, and all 
 
 That men divine and facred call : 
 
 For what is worth in any thing, 465 
 
 But fo much money as 't will bring ? 
 
 Or what but riches is there known, 
 
 Which man can folely call his own ; 
 
 In which no creature goes his half, 
 
 Unlefs it be to fquint and laugh? 470 
 
 I do confefs, with goods and land, 
 
 I'd have a wife at fecond-hand ; 
 
 And fuch you are : nor is 't your perfon 
 
 My flomach 's fet fo fliarp and fierce on ;
 
 238 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 But 'tis your better part, your riches, 475 
 
 That my enamour'd heart bewitches : 
 
 Let me your fortune but poflefs, 
 
 And fettle your perfon how you pleafe ; 
 
 Or make it o'er in truft to the devil. 
 
 You'll find me reafonable and civil. 480 
 
 Quoth file, I like this plainnefs better 
 Than falfe mock-paffion, fpeech or letter. 
 Or any feat of qualm or fwooning. 
 But hanging of yourfelf, or drowning ; 
 Your only way with me to break 485 
 
 Your mind, is breaking of your neck : 
 For as when merchants break, o'erthrown 
 Like ninepins, they ftrike others down ; 
 So that wou'd break my heart; which done. 
 My tempting fortune is your own. 490 
 
 Thefe are but trifles; ev'ry lover 
 Will damn himfelf over and over.
 
 PART 11. CANTO I. 
 
 239 
 
 And greater matters undertake 
 
 For a lefs worthy miftrefs' fake : 
 
 Yet th' are the only ways to prove 495 
 
 Th' unfeign'd realities of love ; 
 
 For he that hangs, or beats out *s brains, 
 
 The devil 's in him if he feigns. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, this way 's too rough 
 For mere experiment and proof; 500 
 
 It is no jefting, trivial matter. 
 To fwing i' th' air, or plunge in water. 
 And, like a water-witch, try love ; 
 That 's to deftroy, and not to prove : 
 As if a man iliould be diiTe(^led, 505 
 
 To find what part is difaffecfted : 
 Your better way is to make over, 
 In truft, your fortune to your lover; 
 Trufl is a trial ; if it break, 
 'Tis not fo defp'rate as a neck : 510
 
 240 
 
 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 Befide, th' experiment 's more certain^ 
 
 Men venture necks to gain a fortune ; 
 
 The foldier does it every day, 
 
 Eight to the week, for fixpence pay : 
 
 Your pettifoggers damn their fouls, 515 
 
 To ftiare with knaves in cheating fools : 
 
 And merchants, vent'ring through the main. 
 
 Slight pirates, rocks, and horns for gain. 
 
 This is the way I advife you to, 
 
 Truft me, and fee what I will do. 520 
 
 Quoth file, I fliould be loth to run 
 Myfelf all th' hazard, and you none ; 
 Which muft be done, unlefs fome deed 
 Of your's aforefaid do precede ; 
 Give but yourfelf one gentle fwing, 525 
 
 For trial, and I'll cut the firing : 
 Or give that reverend head a maul. 
 Or two or three, againft a wall ;
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 241 
 
 To fliew you are a man of mettle, 
 
 And I'll engage myfelf to fettle. 530 
 
 Quoth he, my head's not made of brafs, 
 As Friar Bacon's noddle was ; 
 Nor, like the Indian's fcull, fo tough, 
 That, Authors fay, 'twas mufket-proof : 
 As it had need to be to enter, 535 
 
 As yet, on any new adventure ; 
 You fee what bangs it has endur'd, 
 That would, before new feats, be cur'd : 
 But if that 's all you ftand upon, 
 Here, ftrike me luck, it fliall be done. 540 
 
 Quoth flie, the matter 's not fo far gone 
 As you fuppofe, two words t' a bargain ; 
 That may be done, and time enough, 
 When you have given downright proof: 
 And yet, 'tis no fantaftic pike, 545 
 
 I have to love, nor coy diflike ;
 
 242 
 
 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 'Tis no implicit, nice averfion 
 
 T' your converfation, mien, or perfon : 
 
 But, a jufl fear, left you fliould prove 
 
 Falfe and perfidious in love ; 550 
 
 For if I thought you could be true, 
 
 I could love twice as much as you. 
 
 Quoth he, my faith as adamantine. 
 As chains of deftiny, I'll maintain ; 
 True as Apollo ever fpoke, s55 
 
 Or oracle from heart of oak ; 
 And if you'll give my flame but vent, 
 Now in clofe hugger-mugger pent. 
 And fliine upon me but benignly. 
 With that one, and the other Pigfney, 560 
 
 The fun and day fliall fooner part. 
 Than love, or you, fliake oif my heart : 
 The fun that fliall no more difpenfe 
 His own, but your bright influence ;
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 '43 
 
 I'll carve your name on barks of trees, g6s 
 
 With true love-knots, and flouriflies ; 
 
 That fliall infufe eternal fpring. 
 
 And everlafling flourillilng : 
 
 Drink every letter on 't in ftum. 
 
 And make it brilk Champaign become; 570 
 
 Where'er you tread, your foot fliall fet 
 
 The primrofe and the violet ; 
 
 All Ipices, perfumes, and fweet powders, 
 
 Shall borrow from your breath their odours ; 
 
 Nature her charter fliall renew, ^yg 
 
 And take all lives of things from you ; 
 
 The world depend upon your eye, 
 
 And when you frown upon it, die. 
 
 Only our loves fliall ftill furvive, 
 
 New worlds and natures to outlive; 580 
 
 And like to herald's moons, remain 
 
 All crefcents, without change or wane.
 
 244 CANTO I. PART IL 
 
 Hold, hold, quoth flie, no more of this, 
 Sh* knight, you take your aim amifs; 
 For you will find it a hard chapter, 585 
 
 To catch me with poetic rapture. 
 In which your maftery of art 
 Doth fliew itfelf, and not your heart ; 
 Nor will you raife in mine combuftion. 
 By dint of high heroic fuftion : 590 
 
 She that with poetry is won. 
 Is but a defk to write upon ; 
 And what men fay of her, they mean 
 No more than that on which they lean. 
 Some with Arabian fpices ftrive, 595 
 
 T' embalm her cruelly alive ; 
 Or feafon her, as French cooks ufe 
 Their haut-gouts, boullies, or ragouts; 
 Ufe her fo barbaroufly ill, 
 To grind her lips upon a mill, 600
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 245 
 
 Until the facet doublet doth 
 
 Fit their rhymes rather than her mouth ; 
 
 Her mouth compar'd t' an oyfter's, with 
 
 A row of pearl in't, 'ftead of teeth ; 
 
 Others make pofies of her cheeks, 605 
 
 Where red, and whiteft colours mix ; 
 
 In which the lily and the rofe. 
 
 For Indian lake and cerufe goes. 
 
 The fun and moon, by her bright eyes, 
 
 Eclips'd and darken'd in the fkies ; 610 
 
 Are but black patches that flie wears. 
 
 Cut into funs, and moons, and flars. 
 
 By which aftrologers, as well 
 
 As thofe in heav'n above, can tell 
 
 What ftrange events they do forefliow, 615 
 
 Unto her under-world below. 
 
 Her voice, the mufic of the fpheres, 
 
 So loud, it deafens mortal ears ;
 
 246 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 As wife philofophers have thought, 
 
 And that's the caufe we hear it not. 620 
 
 This has been done by fome, who thofe 
 
 Th' ador'd in rhyme, would kick in profe ; 
 
 And in thofe ribbons would have hung. 
 
 Of which melodioufly they fung. 
 
 That have the hard fate to write beft, 625 
 
 Of thofe that flill deferve it leaft; 
 
 It matters not, how falfe or forc'd, 
 
 So the beft things be faid o' th' worft ; 
 
 It goes for nothing when 'tis faid. 
 
 Only the arrow's drawn to th' head, 630 
 
 Whether it be the fwan or goofe 
 
 They level at : fo fliepherds ufe 
 
 To fet the fame mark on the hip. 
 
 Both of their found and rotten flieep : 
 
 For wits that carry low or wide, 635 
 
 Mufl be aim'd higher, or befide
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 247 
 
 The mark, which elfe they ne'er come nigh, 
 
 But when they take their aim awry. 
 
 But I do wonder you fliould chufe 
 
 This way t' attack me with your mufe, 640 
 
 As one cut out to pafs your tricks on. 
 
 With fulhams of poetic iidlion : 
 
 I rather hop'd I fliould no more 
 
 Hear from you o' th' gallanting fcore ; 
 
 For hard dry bailings ufe to prove 645 
 
 The readieft remedies of love, 
 
 Next a dry diet; but if thofe fail. 
 
 Yet this uneafy loop-hold jail. 
 
 In which y' are hamper'd by the fetlock, 
 
 Cannot but put y' in mind of wedlock : 650 
 
 Wedlock, that 's worfe than any hole here, 
 
 If that may ferve you for a cooler 
 
 T' allay your mettle, all agog 
 
 Upon a wife, the heavier clog.
 
 248 CANTO .1. PART II. 
 
 Nor rather thank your gentler fate, 6^5 
 
 That, for a bruis'd or broken pate, 
 
 Has freed you from thofe knobs that grow 
 
 Much harder on the marry'd brow : 
 
 But if no dread can cool your courage. 
 
 From vent'ring on that dragon, marriage ; 660 
 
 Yet give me quarter, and advance 
 
 To nobler aims your puiflance ; 
 
 Level at beauty and at wit ; 
 
 The faireft mark is eafieft hit. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, I am beforehand 66^ 
 
 In that already, with your command ; 
 For w^here does beauty and high wit 
 But in your conflellation meet ^ 
 
 Quoth Ihe, what does a match imply, 
 But likenefs and equality ^ 670 
 
 I know you cannot think me fit 
 To be th' yokefellow of your wit ;
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 249 
 
 Nor take one of fo mean deferts, 
 
 To be the partner of your parts ; 
 
 A grace which, if I cou'd believe, e-j^ 
 
 IVe not the confcience to receive. 
 
 That confcience, quoth Hudibras, 
 Is mifinform'd ; I'll ftate the cafe. 
 A man may be a legal donor 
 Of any thing whereof he 's owner, eto 
 
 And may confer it where he lifts, 
 r th' judgment of all cafuifts : 
 Then wit, and parts, and valour may 
 Be ali'nated, and made away. 
 By thofe that are proprietors, 685 
 
 As I may give or fell my horfe. 
 
 Quoth file, I grant the cafe is true. 
 And proper 'twixt your horfe and you ; 
 But whether I may take, as well 
 As you may give away, or fell ? 690
 
 250 
 
 CANTO L PART II.. 
 
 Buyers, you know, are bid beware ; 
 
 And worfe than thieves receivers are. 
 
 How fliall I anfwer Hue and Cry, 
 
 For a roan-gelding, twelve hands high. 
 
 All fpurr'd and fwitch'd, a lock on's hoof, 695 
 
 A forrel mane ? Can I bring proof 
 
 Where, when, by whom, and what y ' are fold for. 
 
 And in the open market toll'd for ? 
 
 Or, fliould I take you for a ftray. 
 
 You muft be kept a year and day, 700 
 
 Ere I can own you, here i' th' pound, 
 
 Where, if ye 're fought, you may be found ; 
 
 And in the mean time I muft pay 
 
 For all your provender and hay. 
 
 Quoth he, it ftands me much upon 705 
 
 T' enervate this objed:ion. 
 
 And prove myfelf, by topic clear. 
 
 No gelding, as you would infer.
 
 PART IT. CANTO I. 2/^1 
 
 o 
 
 710 
 
 7^0 
 
 Lofs of virility 's averr'd 
 
 To be the caiife of lofs of beard, 
 
 That does, like embryo in the womb, 
 
 Abortive on the chin become : 
 
 This firft a woman did invent, 
 
 In envy of man's ornament : 
 
 Semiramis of Babylon, 
 
 Who iirft of all cut men o' th' ftone, 
 
 To mar their beards, and laid foundation 
 
 Of fow-geldering operation : 
 
 Look on this beard, and tell me whether 
 
 Eunuchs wear fuch, or geldings either ? 720 
 
 Next it appears I am no horfe, 
 
 That I can argue and difcourfe, 
 
 Have but two legs, and ne'er a tail. 
 
 Quoth flie, that nothing will avail ; 
 For fome philofophers of late here, 725 
 
 Write men have four legs by nature.
 
 252 
 
 CANTO I. PARTU. 
 
 And that 'tis cuftom makes them go 
 
 Erroneoufly upon but two ; 
 
 As 'twas in Germany made good, 
 
 B' a boy that loft himfelf in a wood ; 730 
 
 And growing down t' a man, was wont 
 
 With wolves upon all four to hunt. 
 
 As for your reafons drawn from tails. 
 
 We cannot fay they're true or falfe, 
 
 'Till you explain yourfelf, and fliow 735 
 
 B' experiment, 'tis fo or no. 
 
 Quoth he, if you'll join ifliie on t, 
 I'll give you fat'sfaft'ry account ; 
 So you will promife, if you lofe. 
 To fettle all, and be my fpoufe. 740 
 
 That never ihall be done, quoth flic. 
 To one that wants a tail, by me ; 
 For tails by nature fure were meant, 
 As well as beards, for ornament ;
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 53 
 
 And tho' the vulgar count them homely; 745 
 
 In men or beaft they are fo comely, 
 
 So gentee, alamode, and handfome, 
 
 I'll never marry man that wants one : 
 
 And 'till you can demonftrate plain. 
 
 You have one equal to your mane, 750 
 
 I'll be torn piece-meal by a horfe, 
 
 Ere I'll take you for better or worfe. 
 
 The Prince of Cambay's daily food 
 
 Is afp, and bafilifk, and toad. 
 
 Which makes him have fo ftrong a breath. 
 
 Each night he ftinks a queen to death ; 
 
 Yet I fliall rather lie in 's arms 
 
 Than yours, on any other terms. 
 
 Quoth he, what nature caii afford 
 I fliall produce, upon my word ; 760 
 
 And if flie ever gave that boon 
 To man, I'll prove that I have one ;
 
 254 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 I mean, by poftulate illation, 
 
 When you fliall offer juft occafion ; 
 
 But fince ye Ve yet deny'd to give 765 
 
 My heart, your pris'ner, a reprieve. 
 
 But made it iink down to my heel. 
 
 Let that at leaft your pity feel ; 
 
 And for the fufferings of your martyr, 
 
 Give its poor entertainer quarter ; 770 
 
 And by difcharge, or mainprize, grant 
 
 Deliv'ry from this bafe reftraint. 
 
 Quoth fhe, I grieve to fee your leg 
 Stuck in a hole here like a peg, 
 And if I knew which way to do 't, 775 
 
 Your honour fafe, I'd let you out. 
 That dames by jail-delivery 
 Of errant knights have been fet free, 
 When by enchantment they have been, 
 And fometimes for it too, laid in, 780
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 255 
 
 Is that which knights are bound to do 
 
 By order, oaths, and honour too ; 
 
 For what are they renown'd and famous elfe, 
 
 But aiding of diflreffed damofels ? • 
 
 But for a lady, no ways errant, 785 
 
 To free a knight, we have no warrant 
 
 In any authentical romance. 
 
 Or claflic author yet of France ; 
 
 And I'd be loth to have you break 
 
 An ancient cuftom for a freak, 790 
 
 Or innovation introduce 
 
 In place of things of antique ufe. 
 
 To free your heels by any courfe. 
 
 That might b' unwholefome to your fpurs : 
 
 Which if I could confent unto, 795 
 
 It is not in my pow'r to do ; 
 
 For 'tis a fervice muft be done ye 
 
 With folemn previous ceremony ;
 
 256 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 Which always has been us'd t' untie 
 
 The charms of thofe who here do lie ; 800 
 
 For as the ancients heretofore 
 
 To honour's temple had no door, 
 
 But that which thorough virtue's lay ; 
 
 So from this dungeon there's no way 
 
 To honour s freedom, but by paffing 805 
 
 That other virtuous fchool of lafliing. 
 
 Where knights are kept in narrow lifts, 
 
 With wooden lockets 'bout their wrifts ; 
 
 In which they for a while are tenants. 
 
 And for their ladies fufFer penance : 810 
 
 Whipping, that's virtue's governefs, 
 
 Tutrefs of arts and fciences ; 
 
 That mends the grofs miftakes of nature. 
 
 And puts new life into dull matter ; 
 
 That lays foundation for renown, 815 
 
 And all the honours of the gown :
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 257 
 
 This fufFer'd, they are fet at large. 
 
 And freed with hon'rable difcharge ; 
 
 Then, in their robes, the penitentials 
 
 Are llraight prefented with credentials, 820 
 
 And in their way attended on 
 
 By magiftrates of every town ; 
 
 And, all refpe6l and charges paid. 
 
 They're to their ancient feats convey'i 
 
 Now if you'll venture for my fake, 82.5 
 
 To try the toughnefs of your back, 
 
 And fuffer, as the reft have done. 
 
 The laying of a whipping on, 
 
 And may you profper in your fuit. 
 
 As you with equal vigour do 't, 830 
 
 I here engage to be your bail. 
 
 And free you from th' unknightly jail : 
 
 But fince our fex's modefty 
 
 Will not allow I fliould be by.
 
 258 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 Bring me, on oath, a fair account, 835 
 
 And honour too, when you have don *t ; 
 
 And I'll admit you to the place 
 
 You claim as due in my good grace. 
 
 If matrimony and hanging go 
 
 By deft'ny, why not whipping too ? 840 
 
 What med'cine elfe can cure the fits 
 
 Of lovers, when they lofe their wits ? 
 
 Love is a boy by poets ftyl'd. 
 
 Then ipare the rod, and fpoil the child. 
 
 A Perfian emp ror whipp'd his grannum. 
 The fea, his mother Venus came on ; 
 And hence fome rev'rend men approve 
 Of rofemary in making love. 
 As fkilful coopers hoop their tubs 
 With Lydian and with Phrygian dubs, 850
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 
 
 259 
 
 Why may not whipping have as good 
 
 A grace, perform'd in time and mood ; 
 
 With comely movement, and by art, 
 
 Raife paflion in a lady's heart ? 
 
 It is an eafier way to make 855 
 
 Love by, than that which many take. 
 
 Who would not rather fufFer whipping. 
 
 Than fwallow toafts of bits of ribbin ? 
 
 Make wicked verfes, traits, and faces. 
 
 And fpell names over with beer-glafles ? 860 
 
 Be under vows to hang and die 
 
 Love's facrifice, and all a lie ? 
 
 With China-oranges and tarts. 
 
 And whining-plays, lay baits for hearts ? 
 
 Bribe chambermaids with love and money, 865 
 
 To break no roguifli jefts upon ye ^ 
 
 For lilies limn'd on cheeks, and rofes. 
 
 With painted perfumes, hazard nofes ?
 
 26o CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 Or, vent'ring to be brifk and wanton. 
 
 Do penance in a paper lanthorn ? 870 
 
 All this you may compound for now, 
 
 By fuff 'ring what I offer you ; 
 
 Which is no more than has been done 
 
 By knights for ladies long agone. 
 
 Did not the great La Mancha do fo 875 
 
 For the Infanta Del Tobofo ? 
 
 Did not th' illuftrious BafTa make 
 
 Himfelf a flave for MilTe's fake. 
 
 And with buU's pizzle, for her love, 
 
 Was taw'd as gentle as a glove ? 880 
 
 Was not young Florio fent, to cool 
 
 His flames for Biancafiore, to fchool» 
 
 Where pedant made his pathic bum 
 
 For her fake fuffer martyrdom ? 
 
 Did not a certain lady whip, 885 
 
 Of late, her hufband's own lordfliip ?
 
 PART II. CANTO I. 261 
 
 And, tho' a grandee of the houfe, 
 
 Claw'd him with fundamental blows ; 
 
 Ty'd him ftark-naked to a bed-pofl, 
 
 And firk'd his hide, as if fli' had rid pod: ; 890 
 
 And after in the feflions court. 
 
 Where whipping 's judg'd, had honour for 't ? 
 
 This fwear you will perform, and then 
 
 I'll fet you from th' enchanted den, 
 
 And the magician circle, clear. 895 
 
 Quoth he, I do profefs and fwear, 
 And will perform what you enjoin. 
 Or may I never fee you mine. 
 
 Amen, quoth flie, then turn'd about. 
 And bid her fquire let him out. 900 
 
 But ere an artift could be found 
 T' undo the charms another bound. 
 The fun grew low, and left the flvies, 
 Put down, fome write, by ladies' eyes.
 
 262 CANTO I. PART II. 
 
 The moon pull'd off her veil of light, 905 
 
 That hides her face by day from fight, 
 
 Myfterious veil, of brightnefs made. 
 
 That's both her lufhre and her fliade. 
 
 And in the night as freely llione. 
 
 As if her rays had been her own : 910 
 
 For darknefs is the proper fphere 
 
 Where all falfe glories ufe t' appear. 
 
 The twinkling liars began to mufter, 
 
 And glitter with their borrow'd luftre, 
 
 While fleep the weary'd world reliev'd, 915 
 
 By counterfeiting death reviv'd. 
 
 Our vot'ry thought it beft t' adjourn 
 
 His whipping penance till the morn, 
 
 And not to carry on a work 
 
 Of fuch importance, in the dark, 920
 
 PART II. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 263 
 
 With erring hafte, but rather ftay, 
 And do 't i' th' open face of day ; 
 And in the mean time go in queft 
 Of next retreat, to take his reft. 
 
 924
 
 PART II. 
 
 SECOND CANTO. 
 
 T'^e Knight and Squire in hot cUfputey 
 Withhi an ace of falling out^ 
 Are parted with a fudden fright 
 Of Jl range alarm, and Jlranger fight \ 
 TVith which adventuring to fickle^ 
 They 're fent away in najly pickle.
 
 J'af^^.Oz/UoSZine S3 
 
 J-A'iJJ arfib) . 
 
 H U D I B R A S. 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 1 IS ftrange how fome men's tempers fult. 
 Like bawd and brandy, with difpute. 
 That for their own opinions ftand faft, 
 Only to have them claw'd and canvaft. 
 That keep their confciences in cafes. 
 As fiddlers do their crowds and bafes,
 
 268 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Ne'er to be us'd but when they 're bent 
 
 To play a fit for argument. 
 
 Make true and falfe, unjuft and jufl. 
 
 Of no ufe but to be difcuft ; lo 
 
 Dilpute and fet a paradox. 
 
 Like a ftrait boot, upon the flocks. 
 
 And ftretch it more unmercifully, 
 
 Than Helmont, Montaigne, White or Tully. 
 
 So th' ancient Stoics in the porch, 15 
 
 With fierce difpute maintain'd their church. 
 
 Beat out their brains in fight and fludy. 
 
 To prove that virtue is a body. 
 
 That bonum is an animal, 
 
 Made good with ftout polemic brawl : 20 
 
 In which fome hundreds on the place 
 
 Were flain outright, and many a face 
 
 Retrench'd of nofe, and eyes, and beard. 
 
 To maintain what their fedl averr'd.
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 269 
 
 All which the knight and fquire in wrath, 25 
 Had like t' have fuffer'd for their faith ; 
 Each llriving to make good his own, 
 As by the fequel fliall be lliown. 
 
 The fun had long fince, in the lap 
 Of Thetis, taken out his nap, 30 
 
 And like a lobfter boil'd, the morn 
 From black to red began to turn ; 
 When Hudibras, whom thoughts and aching 
 'Twixt fleeping kept all night and waking. 
 Began to roufe his drowfy eyes, 35 
 
 And from his couch prepar'd to rife ; 
 Refolving to difpatch the deed 
 He vow'd to do with trufby fpeed : 
 But fii-ft, with knocking loud and bawling. 
 He rous'd the fquii'e, in truckle lolling ; 40
 
 270 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 And after many circumftances, 
 
 Which vulgar authors in romances. 
 
 Do ufe to fpend their time and wits on. 
 
 To make impertinent defcription. 
 
 They got, with much ado, to horfe, 45 
 
 And to the caftle bent their courfe. 
 
 In which he to the dame before 
 
 To fuffer whipping-duty fwore : 
 
 Where now arriv'd, and half unharneft. 
 
 To carry on the work in earneft, 50 
 
 He ftopp'd and paus'd upon the fudden, 
 
 And with a ferious forehead plodding. 
 
 Sprung a new fcruple in his head. 
 
 Which firfh he fcratch'd, and after faid ; 
 
 Whether it be dire6l infringing 55 
 
 An oath, if I fliould wave this fwinging, 
 
 And what I 've fworn to bear, forbear. 
 
 And fo b' equivocation fwear ;
 
 PART ir. CANTO II. 271 
 
 Or whether 't be a lefler fin 
 
 To be forfworn, than a6l the thing, 60 
 
 Are deep and fubtle points, which muft, 
 
 T' inform my confcience, be difcuft ; 
 
 In which to err a Httle, may 
 
 To errors infinite make way : 
 
 And therefore I defire to know 6s 
 
 Thy judgment, ere we farther go. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, fince you do injoin 't, 
 I fliall enlarge upon the point ; 
 And, for my own part, do not doubt 
 Th' affirmative may be made out. 70 
 
 But firft, to ftate the cafe aright. 
 For beft advantage of our light ; 
 And thus 'tis, whether 't be a fin. 
 To claw and curry our own fkin. 
 Greater or lefs than to forbear, y^ 
 
 And that you are forfworn forfwear.
 
 272 CANTO II. PARTU. 
 
 But firft, o' th' firft : The inward man, 
 
 And outward, like a clan and clan. 
 
 Have always been at daggers-drawing, 
 
 And one another clapper-clawing : 80 
 
 Not that they really cufF or fence. 
 
 But in a fpiritual myflique fenfe ; 
 
 Which to miftake, and make them fquabble, 
 
 In literal fray 's abominable ; 
 
 'Tis heathenifli, in frequent ufe, 85 
 
 With pagans and apoftate jews, 
 
 To offer facrifice of bridewells. 
 
 Like modern Indians to their idols ; 
 
 And mungrel chrifiiians of our times. 
 
 That expiate lefs with greater crimes, 90 
 
 And call the foul abomination. 
 
 Contrition and mortification. 
 
 Is 't not enough we 're bruis'd and kicked, 
 
 With iinful members of the wicked ;
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 273 
 
 Our veflels, that are fan6lify'd, 95 
 
 Profan'd, and curry'd back and fide ; 
 
 But we muft claw ourfelves with fliameful 
 
 And heathen ftripes, by their example ? 
 
 Which, were there nothing to forbid it, 
 
 Is impious, becaufe they did it : 100 
 
 This therefore may be juftly reckon'd 
 
 A heinous fm. Now to the fecond ; 
 
 That faints may claim a difpenfation 
 
 To fwear and forfwear on occafion, 
 
 I doubt not; but it will appear 105 
 
 With pregnant light : the point is clear. 
 
 Oaths are but words, and words but wind ; 
 
 Too feeble implements to bind ; 
 
 And hold with deeds proportion, fo 
 
 As fliadows to a fubftance do. no 
 
 Then when they ftrive for place, *tis fit 
 
 The weaker veflel fliould fubmit.
 
 274 
 
 CANTO II. PARTIL 
 
 Although your church be oppofite 
 
 To ours, as Black Friars are to White, 
 
 In rule and order, yet I grant 115 
 
 You are a Reformado faint ; 
 
 And what the faints do claim as due. 
 
 You may pretend a title to : 
 
 But faints, whom oaths or vows oblige. 
 
 Know little of their privilege ; 120 
 
 Farther, I mean, than carrying on 
 
 Some felf-advantage of their own : 
 
 For if the devil, to ferve his turn. 
 
 Can tell truth ; why the faints ftiould fcorn. 
 
 When it ferves theirs, to fwear and lie, 125 
 
 I think there 's little reafon why : 
 
 Elfe h' has a greater power than they. 
 
 Which 'twere impiety to fay. 
 
 We 're not commanded to forbear. 
 
 Indefinitely, at all to fwear; 130
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 275 
 
 But to Rvear idly, and in vain, 
 
 Without felf-intereft or gain. 
 
 For breaking of an oath and lying. 
 
 Is but a kind of felf-denying, 
 
 A faint-like virtue ;. and from .hence 135 
 
 Some have broke oaths by Providence : 
 
 Some, to the glory of the Lord, 
 
 Perjur'd themfelves, and broke their word : 
 
 And this the conftant rule and pra6lice 
 
 Of all our late apofbles' a6ls is. 140 
 
 Was not the caufe at firfh begun 
 
 With perjury, and carried on ? 
 
 Was there an oath the godly took. 
 
 But in due time and place they broke ? 
 
 Did we not bring our oaths in firft, 145 
 
 Before our plate, to have them burfl. 
 
 And caft in fitter models, for 
 
 The prefent ufe of church and war ^
 
 276 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Did not our worthies of the houfe, 
 
 Before they broke the peace, break vows ? 150 
 
 For having freed us firfh from both 
 
 Th' alleg'ance and fuprem'cy oath ; 
 
 Did they not next compel the nation 
 
 To take, and break the proteftation ? 
 
 To fwear, and after to recant, 155 
 
 The folemn league and covenant ? 
 
 To take th' engagement, and difclaim it, 
 
 Enforc'd by thofe who firfh did frame it ? 
 
 Did they not fwear, at firfb, to fight 
 
 For the king's fafety, and his right ? 160 
 
 And after march'd to find him out, 
 
 And charg'd him home with horfe and foot ? 
 
 And yet ftill had the confidence 
 
 To fwear it was in his defence ? 
 
 Did they not fwear to live and die 165 
 
 With Effex, and ftraight laid him by ?
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 277 
 
 If that were all, for fome have fwore 
 
 As falfe as they, if th' did no more. 
 
 Did they not fwear to maintain law. 
 
 In which that fwearing made a flaw ? 170 
 
 For proteftant religion vow. 
 
 That did that vowing difallow ^ 
 
 For privilege of parliament, 
 
 In which that fwearing made a rent ? 
 
 And fince, of all the three, not one 1 jg 
 
 Is left in being, 'tis well known. 
 
 Did not they fwear, in exprefs words. 
 
 To prop and back the houfe of lords } 
 
 And after turn d out the whole houfe -full 
 
 Of peers, as dang'rous and unufeful. 180 
 
 So Cromwell, with deep oaths and vows. 
 
 Swore all the commons out o' th' houfe ; 
 
 Vow'd that the red-coats would difband. 
 
 Ay, marry wou'd they, at their command ;
 
 278 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 And troU'd them on, and fwore and fwore, 
 
 Till th' army turn'd them out of door. 
 
 This tells us plainly what they thought, 
 
 That oaths and fwearing go for nought ; 
 
 And that by them th* were only meant 
 
 To ferve for an expedient. 190 
 
 What was the public faith found out for. 
 
 But to flur men of what they fought for ? 
 
 The public faith, which ev'ry one 
 
 Is bound t' obferve, yet kept by none ; 
 
 And if that go for nothing, why 195 
 
 Should private faith have fuch a tie ? 
 
 Oaths were not purpos'd more than law, 
 
 To keep the good and juil in awe, 
 
 But to confine the bad and fmful, 
 
 Like mortal cattle in a pinfold. 200 
 
 A faint 's of th' heav'nly realm a peer ; 
 
 And as no peer is bound to fwear.
 
 PART II. CANTO IL 279 
 
 But on the gofpel of his honour, 
 
 Of which he may difpofe as owner, 
 
 It follows, tho' the thing be forgery, 205 
 
 And falfe, th' afRrm it is no perjury. 
 
 But a mere ceremony, and a breach 
 
 Of nothing, but a form of Ipeech, 
 
 And goes for no more when 'tis took. 
 
 Than mere fainting of the book. 210 
 
 Suppofe the Scriptures are of force. 
 
 They 're but commiffions of courfe, 
 
 And faints have freedom to digrefs, 
 
 And vary from 'em as they pleafe -, 
 
 Or mifmterpret them by private 215 
 
 InftrudHons, to all aims they drive at. 
 
 Then why fliould we ourfelves abridge. 
 
 And curtail our own privilege ? 
 
 Quakers, that like to lanthorns, bear 
 
 Their light within them, will not fwear ; 220
 
 28o CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Their gofpel is an accidence. 
 
 By which they condrue confcience, 
 
 And hold no fm fo deeply red, 
 
 As that of breaking Prifcian's head. 
 
 The head and founder of their order, 225 
 
 That ftirring hats held worfe than murder; 
 
 Thefe thinking they're oblig'd to troth 
 
 In fwearing, will not take an oath ; 
 
 Like mules, who if th' ve not their will 
 
 To keep their own pace, ftand flock ftill ; 230 
 
 But they are weak, and little know 
 
 What free-born confciences may do, 
 
 'Tis the temptation of the devil 
 
 That makes all human adlions evil : 
 
 For faints may do the fame things by 235 
 
 The fpirit, in fincerity, 
 
 Which other men are tempted to, 
 
 And at the devil's inltance do ;
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 281 
 
 And yet the a6lions be contrary, 
 
 Juft as the faints and wicked vary. 240 
 
 For as on land there is no beafb 
 
 But in fome fiili at fea 's expreft ; 
 
 So in the wicked there 's no vice, 
 
 Of which the faints have not a fpice ; 
 
 And yet that thing that 's pious in 245 
 
 The one, in th' other is a fin. 
 
 Is 't not ridiculous, and nonfenfe, 
 
 A faint fliould be a flave to confcience ? 
 
 That ought to be above fuch fancies. 
 
 As far as above ordinances? 250 
 
 She 's of the wicked, as I guefs, 
 
 B' her looks, her language, and her drefs : 
 
 And tho', like conftables, we fearch 
 
 For falfe wares one another's church ; 
 
 Yet all of us hold this for true, 255 
 
 No faith is to the wicked due.
 
 282 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 For truth is precious and divine, 
 Too rich a pearl for carnal fwine. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, all this is true, 
 Yet 'tis not fit that all men knew 260 
 
 Thofe myfteries and revelations ; 
 And therefore topical evafions 
 Of fubtle turns, and fliifts of fenfe. 
 Serve bed with th' wicked for pretence, 
 Such as the learned jefuits ufe, 265 
 
 And prefbyterians, for excufe 
 Againft the proteftants, when th' happen 
 To find their churches taken napping : 
 As thus : a breach of oath is duple. 
 And either way admits a fcruple, 270 
 
 And may be, ex parte of the maker. 
 More criminal than the injur'd taker ; 
 For he that fiirains too for a vow, 
 Will break it, like an o'erbent bow :
 
 PART ir. CANTO II. 283 
 
 And he that made, and forc'd it, broke it, 275 
 
 Not he that for convenience took it. 
 
 A broken oath is, quatenus oath. 
 
 As found t' all purpofes of troth, 
 
 As broken laws are ne'er the worfe, 
 
 Nay, 'till they 're broken, have no force. 280 
 
 What 's juftice to a man, or laws. 
 
 That never comes within their claws ? 
 
 They have no pow'r, but to admonifli; 
 
 Cannot control, coerce, or punifli, 
 
 Until they 're broken, and then touch 285 
 
 Thofe only that do make them fuch. 
 
 Befide, no engagement is allow'd. 
 
 By men in prifon made, for good ; 
 
 For when they 're fet at liberty. 
 
 They 're from th' engagement too fet free. 290 
 
 The rabbins write, when any jew 
 
 Did make to god or man a vow.
 
 284 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Which afterwards he found untoward, 
 
 And ftubborn to be kept, or too hard ; 
 
 Any three other jews o' th' nation, 295 
 
 Might free him from the obligation : 
 
 And have not two faints pow'r to ufe 
 
 A greater privilege than three jews ? 
 
 The court of confcience, which in man 
 
 Should be fupreme and fovereign, 300 
 
 Is 't fit fliould be fubordinate 
 
 To ev'ry petty court i' th' ftate, 
 
 And have lefs power than the lefler. 
 
 To deal with perjury at pleafure ? 
 
 Have its proceedings difallow'd, or 305 
 
 Allow'd, at fancy of pie-powder ? 
 
 Tell all it does, or does not know, 
 
 For fwearing ex oiEcio ? 
 
 Be forc'd t' impeach a broken hedge. 
 
 And pigs unring'd at vif. franc, pledge ? 310
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 285 
 
 Difcover thieves, and bawds, recufants, 
 
 Priefts, witches, eves-droppers, and nuifance : 
 
 Tell who did play at games unlawful. 
 
 And who fill'd pots of ale but half full ; 
 
 And have no pow'r at all, nor iliift, 315 
 
 To help itfelf at a dead lift ? 
 
 Why iliould not confcience have vacation 
 
 As well as other courts o' th' nation ? 
 
 Have equal power to adjourn, 
 
 Appoint appearance and return ? 320 
 
 And make as nice diftin6lions ferve 
 
 To fplit a cafe, as thofe that carve. 
 
 Invoking cuckolds names, hit joints ? 
 
 Why iliould not tricks as flight, do points ? 
 
 Is not th' high court of juftice fworn 325 
 
 To judge that law that ferves their turn ? 
 
 Make their own jealoufies high treafon, 
 
 And fix them whomfoe'er they pleafe on ?
 
 286 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Cannot the learned counfel there 
 
 Make laws in any fliape appear ? 330 
 
 Mould 'em as witches do their clay. 
 
 When they make pictures to deftroy ; 
 
 And vex them into any form 
 
 That fits their purpofe to do harm ? 
 
 Rack them mitil they do confefs, 335 
 
 Impeach of treafon whom they pleafe, 
 
 And moft perfidioufly condemn 
 
 Thofe that engag'd their lives for them ? 
 
 And yet do nothing in their own fenfe. 
 
 But what they ought by oath and confcience. 
 
 Can they not juggle, and with flight 
 
 Conveyance play with wrong and right ; 
 
 And fell their blafts of wind as dear, 
 
 As Lapland witches bottl'd air ? 
 
 Will not fear, favour, bribe, and grudge, 345 
 
 The fame cafe fev'ral ways adjudge ?
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 287 
 
 As feamen, with the felf-fame gale, 
 
 Will fev'ral different courfes fail ; 
 
 As when the fea breaks o'er its bounds. 
 
 And overflows the level grounds, 350 
 
 Thofe banks and dams, that, like a fcreen. 
 
 Did keep it out, now keep it in ; 
 
 So when tyrannical ufurpation 
 
 Invades the freedom of a nation. 
 
 The laws o' th' land that were intended 355 
 
 To keep it out, are made defend it. 
 
 Does not in chanc'ry ev'ry man fwear 
 
 What makes befl for him in his anfwer ? 
 
 Is not the winding up witnefles, 
 
 And nicking, more than half the bus'nefs ? 360 
 
 For witnefTes, like watches, go 
 
 JufI: as they 're fet, too faft or flow ; 
 
 And where in confcience they 're llrait lac'd, 
 
 'Tis ten to one that fide is cafl:.
 
 288 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Do not your juries give their verdi6l 365 
 
 As if they felt the caufe, not heard it ? 
 
 And as they pleafe make matter o' fad: 
 
 Run all on one fide as they 're packt ? 
 
 Nature has made man's breaft no windores, 
 
 To publifli what he does within doors ; 370 
 
 Nor what dark fecrets there inhabit, 
 
 Unlefs his own rafh folly blab it. 
 
 If oaths can do a man no good 
 
 In his own bus'nefs, why they fliou'd. 
 
 In other matters, do him hurt 375 
 
 I think there 's little reaibn for 't. 
 
 He that impofes an oath makes it. 
 
 Not he that for convenience takes it : 
 
 Then how can any man be faid 
 
 To break an oath he never made ? 380 
 
 Thefe reafons may perhaps look odly 
 
 To th' wicked, tho' they evince the godly ;
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 289 
 
 But if they will not ferve to clear 
 
 My honour, I am ne'er the near. 
 
 Honour is like that glafTy bubble, 385 
 
 That finds philofophers fuch trouble ; 
 
 Whofe leaft part crack'd, the whole does fly. 
 
 And wits are crack'd to find out why. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, honour's but a word, 
 To fwear by only in a lord : 390 
 
 In other men 'tis but a huff 
 To vapour with, inftead of proof ; 
 That like a wen, looks big and fwells, 
 Infenfelefs, and juft nothing elfe. 
 
 Let it, quoth he, be what it will, 395 
 
 It has the world's opinion ftill. 
 But as men are not wife that run 
 The flighteft hazard, they may fliun, 
 There may a medium be found out 
 To clear to all the world the doubt ; 400
 
 290 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 And that is, if a man may do 't, 
 By proxy whipt, or fubftitute. 
 
 Tho' nice and dark the point appear. 
 Quoth Ralph, it may hold up and clear. 
 That fmners may fupply the place 405 
 
 Of fufF'ring faints, is a plain cafe. 
 Juftice gives fentence, many times, 
 On one man for another's crimes. 
 Our brethren of New England ufe 
 Choice malefadlors to excufe, 410 
 
 And hang the guiltlefs in their flead; 
 Of whom the churches have lefs need. 
 As lately 't happen'd : in a town 
 There liv'd a cobler, and but one, 
 That out of do6lrine could cut ufe, 415 
 
 And mend men's lives as well as flioes. 
 This precious brother having flain, 
 In times of peace, an Indian,
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 
 
 =91 
 
 Not out of malice, but mere zeal, 
 
 Becaufe he was an infidel, 420 
 
 The mighty Tottipottymoy 
 
 Sent to our elders an envoy. 
 
 Complaining forely of the breach 
 
 Of league, held forth by brother Patch, 
 
 Againft the articles in force 425 
 
 Between both churches, his and ours ; 
 
 For which he crav'd the faints to render 
 
 Into his hands, or hang th' offender : 
 
 But they maturely having weigh'd 
 
 They had no more but him o' th' trade, 430 
 
 A man that ferv'd them in a double 
 
 Capacity, to teach and cobble, 
 
 Refolv'd to fpare him ; yet to do 
 
 The Indian Hoghan Moghan too 
 
 Impartial juftice, in his ftead did 435 
 
 Hang an old weaver that was bed-rid :
 
 292 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Then wherefore may not you be fkip'd, 
 
 And in your room another whip'd ^ 
 
 For all philofophers, but the fceptic. 
 
 Hold whipping may be fympathetic. 440 
 
 It is enough, quoth Hudibras, 
 Thou haft refolv'd, and clear'd the cafe ; 
 And canft, in confcience, not refufe. 
 From thy own do6lrine, to raife ufe : 
 I know thou wilt not, for my fake, 445 
 
 Be tender-confcienc'd of thy back : 
 Then ftrip thee of thy carnal jerkin. 
 And give thy outward fellow a ferking ; 
 For when thy vefTel is new hoop'd. 
 All leaks of fmning will be ftop'd. 450 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, you miftake the matter. 
 For in all fcruples of this nature, 
 No man includes himfelf, nor turns 
 The point upon his own concerns.
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 293 
 
 As no man of his own felf catches 455 
 
 The itch, or amorous French aches ; 
 
 So no man does himfelf convince. 
 
 By his own dodlrine, of his fins : 
 
 And though all cry down felf, none means 
 
 His own felf in a literal fenfe : 460 
 
 Befides, it is not only foppifh, 
 
 But vile, idolatrous, and popifli. 
 
 For one man out of his own fkin 
 
 To frifk and whip another's fm ; 
 
 As pedants out of fchoolboys' breeches 465 
 
 Do claw and curry their own itches.. 
 
 But in this cafe it is profane. 
 
 And fmful too, becaufe in vain ; 
 
 For we muft take our oaths upon it 
 
 You did the deed, when I have done it. 470 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, that 's anfwer'd foon ; 
 Give us the whip, we '11 lay it on.
 
 294 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, that you may fwear true, 
 'Twere properer that I whip'd you ; 
 For when with your confent 'tis done, 475 
 
 The ad: is really your own. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, it is in vain, 
 I fee, to argue 'gainft the grain ; 
 Or, like the ftars, incline men to 
 What they 're averfe themfelves to do : 480 
 For when difputes are weary'd out, 
 'Tis intereft that refolves the doubt : 
 But fmce no reafon can confute ye, 
 I'll try to force you to your duty ; 
 For fo it is, howe'er you mince it, 485 
 
 As, ere we part, I fliall evince it ; 
 And curry, if you ftand out, whether 
 You will or no, your ftubborn leather. 
 Canfl thou refufe to bear thy part 
 r th' public work, bafe as thou art ? 490
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 295 
 
 To higgle thus, for a few blows, 
 
 To gain thy knight an op'lent fpoiife, 
 
 Whofe wealth his bowels yearn to purchafe. 
 
 Merely for th' int'reft of the churches ? 
 
 And when he has it in his claws, 495 
 
 Will not be hide-bound to the caufe : 
 
 Nor ilialt thou find him a curmudgin, 
 
 If thou difpatch it without grudging : 
 
 If not, refolve, before we go. 
 
 That you and I muftpull a crow. 500 
 
 Ye 'ad beft, quoth Ralpho, as the ancients 
 Say wifely, have a care o' th' main chance, 
 And look before you, ere you leap ; 
 For as you low, y* are like to reap : 
 And were y' as good as George-a-Green, 505 
 I fliould make bold to turn agen ; 
 Nor am I doubtful of the iffiie 
 In a juft quarrel, as mine is fo.
 
 296 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Is 't fitting for a man of honour 
 
 To whip the faints, like bifliop Bonner ? 510 
 
 A knight t' ufurp the beadle's office. 
 
 For which y' are like to raife brave trophies ? 
 
 But I advife you, not for fear. 
 
 But for your own fake, to forbear ; 
 
 And for the churches, which may chance 515 
 
 From hence, to fpring a variance, 
 
 And raife among themfelves new fcruples. 
 
 Whom common danger hardly couples. 
 
 Remember how in arms and politics. 
 
 We ilill have worfted all your holy tricks; 520 
 
 Trepann'd your party with intrigue. 
 
 And took your grandees down a peg ; 
 
 New-modell'd the army, and cafliier'd 
 
 All that to legion Smec adher'd ; 
 
 Made a mere utenfil o' your church, 525 
 
 And after left it in the lurch ;
 
 PART 11. CANTO II. 297 
 
 A fcaflpold to build up our own, 
 
 And when w' had done with 't, pull'd it down ; 
 
 O'er-reach'd your rabbins of the fynod, 
 
 And fnapp'd their canons with a why-not : 530 
 
 Grave fy nod-men, that were rever'd 
 
 For folid face, and depth of beard. 
 
 Their claffic model prov'd a maggot. 
 
 Their dire^l'ry an Indian pagod ; 
 
 And drown'd their difcipline like a kitten, 535 
 
 On which they 'ad been fo long a fitting ; 
 
 Decry'd it as a holy cheat. 
 
 Grown out of date, and obfolete. 
 
 And all the faints of the firft grafs. 
 
 As cafhling foals of Balaam's afs. 540 
 
 At this the knight grew high in chafe, 
 And ftaring furioufly on Ralph, 
 He trembl'd, and look'd pale with ire, 
 Like aflies firft, then red as fire.
 
 298 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Have I, quoth he, been ta'en in fight, 545 
 
 And for fo many moons lain by 't, 
 
 And when all other means did fail. 
 
 Have been exchang'd for tubs of ale ? 
 
 Not but they thought me worth a ranfom. 
 
 Much more confid'rable and handfome; 550 
 
 But for their own fakes, and for fear 
 
 They were not fafe, when I was there ; 
 
 Now to be baffled by a fcoundrel. 
 
 An upftart fedl'ry, and a mungrel. 
 
 Such as breed out of peccant humours ^^^ 
 
 Of our own church, like wens or tumours. 
 
 And like a maggot in a fore, 
 
 Wou d that which gave it life devour ; 
 
 It never fliall be done or faid : 
 
 With that he feiz'd upon his blade ; 560 
 
 And Ralpho too, as quick and bold, 
 
 Upon his bafket-hilt laid hold.
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 
 
 •99 
 
 With equal readlnefs prepared, 
 
 To draw and ftand upon his guard ; 
 
 When both were parted on the fudden, ^6^ 
 
 With hideous clamour, and a loud one, 
 
 As if all forts of noife had been 
 
 Contradled into one loud din ; 
 
 Or that fome member to be chofen, 
 
 Had got the odds above a thoufand ; 570 
 
 And, by the greatnefs of his noife, 
 
 Prov'd fittefh for his country's choice. 
 
 This ftrange furprifal put the knight, 
 
 And wrathful fquire, into a fright; 
 
 And tho' they flood prepar d, with fatal ^j^ 
 
 Impetuous rancour to join battle. 
 
 Both thought it was the w^ifeft courfe 
 
 To wave the fight, and mount to horfe ; 
 
 And to fecure, by fwift retreating, 
 
 Themfelves from danger of worfe beating, 580
 
 30O 
 
 CANTO II. PART lu 
 
 1 
 
 Yet neither of them would difparage, 
 
 By utt'ring of his mind, his courage ; 
 
 Which made them ftoutly keep their ground. 
 
 With horror and difdain wind-bound. 
 
 And now the caufe of all their fear 585 
 
 By flow degrees approach'd fo near, 
 
 They might diftinguifli different noife 
 
 Of horns, and pans, and dogs, and boys, 
 
 And kettle-drums, whofe fullen dub 
 
 Sounds like the hooping of a tub: 59a 
 
 But when the Tight appear'd in view, 
 
 They found it was an antique fliew ; 
 
 A triumph, that for pomp and ftate. 
 
 Did proudefh Romans emulate : 
 
 For as the aldermen of Rome 595 
 
 Their foes at training overcome. 
 
 And not enlarging territory. 
 
 As fome, miftaken, write in flory.
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 
 
 301 
 
 Being mounted in their beft array. 
 
 Upon a car, and who but they ? 600 
 
 And follow'd with a world of tall lads. 
 
 That merry dities troll'd, and ballads. 
 
 Did ride with many a good-morrow, 
 
 Crying, hey for our town, thro' the borough; 
 
 So when this triumph drew fo nigh, 605 
 
 They might particulars defcry. 
 
 They never faw two things fo pat. 
 
 In all refpecfts, as this and that: 
 
 Firft he that led the cavalcate 
 
 Wore a fow-gelder's flagellate, 610 
 
 On which he blew as ftrong a levet. 
 
 As well-feed lawyer on his brev'ate. 
 
 When over one another's heads 
 
 They charge, three ranks at once, like Swedes : 
 
 Next pans and kettles of all keys, 615 
 
 From trebles down to double-bafe ;
 
 302 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 And after them upon a nag, 
 
 That might pafs for a forehand flag, 
 
 A cornet rode, and on his ftaff, 
 
 A fmock difplay'd did proudly wave. 620 
 
 Then bagpipes of the loudefl drones, 
 
 With fnuffling broken-winded tones ; 
 
 Whofe blafts of air in pockets fliut, 
 
 Sound filthier than from the gut. 
 
 And make a viler noife than fwine 625 
 
 In windy -weather, when they whine. 
 
 Next one upon a pair of panniers. 
 
 Full fraught with that which, for good manners. 
 
 Shall here be namelefs, mixt with grains. 
 
 Which he difpens'd among the fwains, 630 
 
 And bufily upon the crowd. 
 
 At random round about beflow'd. 
 
 Then mounted on a horned horfe, 
 
 One bore a gauntlet and gilt fpurs.
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 303 
 
 Ty'd to the pummel of a long fword 635 
 
 He held revers'd, the point turn'd downward. 
 
 Next after, on a raw-bon'd fleed. 
 
 The conqueror*s ftandard-bearer rid. 
 
 And bore aloft before the champion 
 
 A petticoat difplay'd, and rampant ; 640 
 
 Near whom the Amazon triumphant, 
 
 Beftrid her beaft, and on the rump on 't 
 
 Sat face to tail, and bum to bum. 
 
 The warrior whilom e overcome ; 
 
 Arm*d with a fpindle and a diftalF, 645 
 
 Which, as he rode, fhe made him twift off ; 
 
 And when he loiter'd, o'er her jQioulder 
 
 Chafhis'd the reformado foldier. 
 
 Before the dame, and round about, 
 
 March'd whifflers, and flaiRers on foot, 650 
 
 With lacquies, grooms, valets, and pages. 
 
 In fit and proper equipages ;
 
 304 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Of whom fome torches bore, fome links, 
 
 Before the proud virago-minx, 
 
 That was both madam and a don, 65,^ 
 
 Like Nero's Sporus, or pope Joan ; 
 
 And at fit periods the whole rout 
 
 Set up their throats with clam'rous fliout. 
 
 The knight tranfported, and the fquire. 
 
 Put up their weapons, and their ire ; 660 
 
 And Hudibras, who us'd to ponder 
 
 On fuch fights with judicious wonder. 
 
 Could hold no longer, to impart 
 
 His animadverfions, for his heart. 
 
 Quoth he, in all my life till now, 665 
 
 I ne'er faw fo profane a Ihow ; 
 It is a paganifh invention. 
 Which heathen writers often mention ; 
 And he, who made it, had read Goodwin, 
 I warrant him, and underftood him : 670
 
 PART 11. CANTO II. 
 
 305 
 
 With all the Grecian Speeds and Stows, 
 
 That bed defcribe thofe ancient fliows ; 
 
 And has obferv'd all fit decorums 
 
 We find delcrib'd by old hiftorians : 
 
 For, as the Roman conqueror, e-jc^ 
 
 That put an end to foreign war, 
 
 Ent'ring the town in triumph for it. 
 
 Bore a flave with him in his chariot ; 
 
 So this infulting female brave 
 
 Carries behind her here a flave : 680 
 
 And as the ancients long ago. 
 
 When they in field defy'd the foe. 
 
 Hung out their mantles della guerre, 
 
 So her proud ftandard-bearer here 
 
 Waves on his fpear, in dreadful manner, 685 
 
 A Tyrian petticoat for banner. 
 
 Next links and torches, heretofore 
 
 Still borne before the emperor :
 
 3o6 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 And, as in antique triumphs, eggs 
 
 Were borne for myftical intrigues ; 690 
 
 There 's one, with truncheon like a ladle, 
 
 That carries eggs too, frefli or adle : 
 
 And ftill at random, as he goes. 
 
 Among the rabble-rout beftows. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, you miftake the matter ; 695 
 For all th' antiquity you fmatter 
 Is but a riding us'd of courfe, 
 When the grey mare 's the better horfe* ; 
 When o'er the breeches greedy women 
 Fight, to extend their vafl dominion, 700 
 
 And in the caufe impatient Grizzle 
 Has drubb'd her hufband with bull's pizzle. 
 And brought him under covert-baron. 
 To turn her vaffal with a murrain ; 
 When wives their fexes fliift, like hares, 705 
 And ride their hufbands like night-mares ;
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 
 
 307 
 
 And they, in mortal battle vanquifli'd, 
 Are of their charter difenfranchis'd. 
 And by the right of war, like gills, 
 Condemn'd to difbaif, horns, and wheels : 710 
 For when men by their wives are cow'd, 
 Their horns of courfe are underftood. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, thou ftill giv'ft fentence 
 Impertinently, and againft fenfe : 
 'Tis not the leaft difparagement 715 
 
 To be defeated by tli event, 
 Nor to be beaten by main force ; 
 That does not make a man the worfe, 
 Altho' his flioulders, with battoon. 
 Be claw'd, and cudgell'd to fome tune ; 720 
 
 A tailor's 'prentice has no hard 
 Meafure, that 's bang'd with a true yard ; 
 But to turn tail, or run away. 
 And without blows give up the day ;
 
 3o8 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Or to furrender ere the affault, 725 
 
 That 's no man's fortune, but his fault ; 
 
 And renders men of honour lefs 
 
 Than all th' adverfity of fuccefs ; 
 
 And only unto fuch this fliew 
 
 Of horns and petticoats is due. 730 
 
 There is a leffer profanation, 
 
 Like that the Romans call'd ovation : 
 
 For as ovation was allow'd 
 
 For conqueft purchas'd without blood ; 
 
 So men decree thofe lefler fliows 735 
 
 For YitVrj gotten without blows. 
 
 By dint of fliarp hard words, which fome 
 
 Give battle with, and overcome ; 
 
 Thefe mounted in a chair-curule. 
 
 Which moderns call a cucking-ftool, 740 
 
 March proudly to the river's fide. 
 
 And o'er the waves in triumph ride ;
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 
 
 309 
 
 Like dukes of Venice, who are faid 
 
 The Adriatic fea to wed ; 
 
 And have a gentler wife than thofe 745 
 
 For whom the ftate decrees thofe fliows. 
 
 But both are heathenifli, and come 
 
 From th' whores of Babylon and Rome, 
 
 And by the faints fliould be withftood, 
 
 As antichriftian and lewd ; 750 
 
 And we, as fuch, fliould now contribute 
 
 Our utmoft ftrugglings to prohibit. 
 
 This faid, they both advanc'd, and rode 
 A dog-trot thro' the bawling crowd 
 T' attack the leader, and ftill preft y^^ 
 
 'Till they approach'd him breaft to breaft : 
 Then Hudibras, with face and hand. 
 Made iigns for filence • which obtain 'd.
 
 lO 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 What means, quoth he, this devil's proceflion 
 
 With men of orthodox profeffion ? 760 
 
 Tis ethnique and idolatrous, 
 
 From heathenifm deriv'd to us. 
 
 Does not the whore of Bab'lon ride 
 
 Upon her horned beaft aftride. 
 
 Like this proud dame, who either is jGg 
 
 A type of her, or flie of this ^ 
 
 Are things of fuperftitious function. 
 
 Fit to be us'd in gofpel funfliine ? 
 
 It is an antichriftian opera. 
 
 Much us'd in midnight times of popery ; 770 
 
 A running after felf-inventions 
 
 Of wicked and profane intentions ; 
 
 To fcandalize that fex for fcolding. 
 
 To whom the faints are fo beholden. 
 
 Women, who were our firft apoftles, yy^ 
 
 Without whofe aid w' had all been loft elfe ;
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 311 
 
 Women, that left no flone iintiirn'd 
 
 In which the caufe might be concern'd ; 
 
 Brought in their children's fpoons and whiftles, 
 
 To purchafe fwords, carbines, and piftols : 780 
 
 Their hufbands, cullies, and fweethearts, 
 
 To take the faints and church's parts ; 
 
 Drew feveral gifted brethren in, 
 
 That for the bifliops would have been. 
 
 And fix'd them conftant to the party, 785 
 
 With motives powerful and hearty : 
 
 Their hufbands robb'd, and made hard fliifts 
 
 T' adminifler unto their gifts 
 
 All they could rap, and rend, and pilfer, 
 
 To fcraps and ends of gold and filver ; 790 
 
 Rubb'd down the teachers, tir'd and fpent 
 
 With holding forth for parliament ; 
 
 Pamper'd and edify 'd their zeal 
 
 With marrow-puddings many a meal ;
 
 312 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 Enabled them, with flore of meat, 795 
 
 On controverted points to eat ; 
 
 And cramm'd them 'till their guts did ake. 
 
 With caudle, cuftard, and plum-cake. 
 
 What haA^e they done, or what left undone, 
 
 That might advance the caufe at London ? 800 
 
 March'd rank and file, with drum and enfign, 
 
 T' intrench the city for defence in : 
 
 Rais'd rampires with their own foft hands. 
 
 To put the enemy to ftands ; 
 
 From ladies down to oyfler-wenches 805 
 
 Lab our 'd like pioneers in trenches. 
 
 Fell to their pick-axes, and tools. 
 
 And help'd the men to dig like moles ? 
 
 Have not the handmaids of the city 
 
 Chofe of their members a committee, 810 
 
 For raifing of a common purfe. 
 
 Out of their wages, to raife horfe ?
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 
 
 313 
 
 And do they not as triers fit, 
 
 To judge what officers are fit ^ 
 
 Have they — at that an egg let fly, 815 
 
 Hit him dire6lly o'er the eye. 
 
 And running down his cheek, befmear'd, 
 
 With orange-tawny flime, his beard • 
 
 But beard and flime being of one hue. 
 
 The wound the lefs appear'd in view. 820 
 
 Then he that on the panniers rode. 
 
 Let fly on th' other fide a load, 
 
 And quickly charg'd again, gave fully. 
 
 In Ralpho's face, another volley. 
 
 The knight was ftartled with the fmell, 825 
 
 And for his fword began to feel ; 
 
 And Ralpho, fmother'd with the ftink, 
 
 Grafp'd his, when one that bore a link, 
 
 O' th' fudden clapp'd his flaming cudgel. 
 
 Like linflock, to the horfe's touch-hole ; 830
 
 3M 
 
 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 And ftralght another, with his flambeau, 
 
 Gave Ralpho, o'er the eyes, a damn'd blow. 
 
 The beafts began to kick and fling. 
 
 And forc'd the rout to make a ring ; 
 
 Thro' which they quickly broke their way, 835 
 
 And brought them off from further fray ; 
 
 And tho' diforder'd in retreat. 
 
 Each of them iloutly kept his feat : 
 
 For quitting both their fwords and reins, 
 
 They grafp'd with all their ftrength the manes ; 
 
 And, to avoid the foe's purfuit. 
 
 With fpurring put their cattle to 't. 
 
 And till all four were out of wind. 
 
 And danger too, ne'er look'd behind. 
 
 After they 'ad paus'd a while, fupplying 845 
 
 Their fpirits, fpent with %ht and flying, 
 
 And Hudibras recruited force 
 
 Of lungs, for adlions or difcourfe :
 
 PART II. CANTO II. oir 
 
 O 'J 
 
 Quoth he, that man is fure to lofe 
 That fouls his hands with dirty foes : 850 
 
 For where no honour 's to be gain'd, 
 'Tis thrown away in being maintain'd : 
 'Twas ill for us, we had to do 
 With fo difhon'rable a foe : 
 For tho' the law of arms doth bar %rr 
 
 The ufe of venom 'd fliot in war, 
 Yet by the naufeous fmell, and noifome, 
 Their cafe-fliot favours ftrong of poifon ; 
 And, doubtlefs, have been chew'd with teeth 
 Of fome that had a {linking breath ; 860 
 
 Elfe when we put it to the pufli. 
 They had not giv'n us fuch a brufli : 
 But as thofe poltroons that fling durt, 
 Do but defile, but cannot hurt ; 
 So all the honour they have won, 865 
 
 Or we have loft, is much at one.
 
 3i6 CANTO II. PART II. 
 
 'Twas well we made fo refolute 
 
 A brave retreat, without purfuit ; 
 
 For if we had not, we had fped 
 
 Much worfe, to be in triumph led ; 870 
 
 Than which the ancients held no ftate 
 
 Of man's life more unfortunate. 
 
 But if this bold adventure e'er 
 
 Do chance to reach the widow's ear, 
 
 It may, being deftin'd to afTert 875 
 
 Her fex's honour, reach her heart : 
 
 And as fuch homely treats, they fay,. 
 
 Portend good fortune, fo this may. 
 
 Vefpafian being daub'd with durt. 
 
 Was deftin'd to the empire for't; 880 
 
 And from a fcavinger did come 
 
 To be a mighty prince in Rome : 
 
 And why may not this foul addrefs 
 
 Prefage in love the fame fuccefs ?
 
 PART II. CANTO II. 317 
 
 Then let us ftraight, to cleanfe our wounds, 
 
 Advance in queft of neareft ponds ; 
 
 And after, as we firft defign'd, 
 
 Swear IVe perform'd what flie enjoin'd. 888
 
 ur man's lite more unfortunate. 
 
 But if this bold adventure e'er 
 
 Do chance to reach the widow's ear, 
 
 It may, being deftin'd to aiTert 875 
 
 Her fex's honour, reach her heart : 
 
 And as fuch homely treats, they fay, 
 
 Portend good fortune, fo this may. 
 
 Vefpafian being daub'd with durt. 
 
 Was deftin'd to the empire for't; 880 
 
 And from a fcavinger did come 
 
 To be a mighty prince in Rome : 
 
 And why may not this foul addrefs 
 
 Prefage in love the fame fuccefs ?
 
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