V
 
 w w w i-? fi- B L> r4 n r\ I 
 WM.LEWIS.
 
 r ■ • ' .*
 
 JAY 
 
 ON 
 
 MARRIAGE.
 
 THOUGHTS 
 
 MARRIAGE 
 
 ILLUSTRATING 
 
 THE PRINCIPLES AND OBLIGATIONS 
 
 THE MARRIAGE RELATION. 
 
 Arranged from the Works of 
 
 Rev. WILLIAM JAY, 
 
 AUTHOR OF "morning AND EVENING EXERCISES. 
 
 BOSTON : 
 
 PUBLISHED BY JAMES LORING. 
 
 1833,
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 An Essay on Marriage; or, the Duty of 
 Christians to marry religiously : with a few 
 Reflections on Imprudent Marriages ... 9 
 
 The Mutual Duties of Husbands and 
 Wives : a Discourse occasioned by the 
 
 Marriage of R S , Esq., of M 
 
 Preached in Argyle-Chapel, Bath, August 
 
 16, 1801 55 
 
 The Wife's Advocate : a Discourse, preach- 
 ed, on a Marriage Occasion 103 
 
 A Charge intended to have been addressed 
 to the Wife of a Minister, at the Ordination 
 of her Husband 153 
 
 Domestic Happiness 219
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE; 
 
 I, THE 
 
 DUTY OF CHRISTIANS TO MAERY RELIGIOUSLY: 
 
 WITH A FEW REFLECTIONS 
 
 IMPRVDEJfT MARRlJiOES.
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 We, the ministers of the Wiltshire Association, assembled 
 together at Melksham this day, October 22, 1806 — deploring the 
 little regard of late years paid by too many professors of religion, 
 to the Christian rule of marriage ; and deeming it desirable that 
 the attention of the public in general, and our own churches in 
 particular, should be called to this subject, do unanimously request 
 the Rev. Wm. Jay to publish some strictures upon it ; and the 
 more so, as he has already set forth a Sermon on the Duties of 
 Husbands and Wives, which has met with great acceptance. 
 Signed 
 
 On behalf of the Association, 
 
 Georoe Maiitel, Chairman.
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THE PECULIARITY AND IMPORTANCE OF THE MAR- 
 RIAGE RELATION. ...THE POSSIBILITY OF KNOWING 
 THE WILL OF GOD IN THIS AFFAIR....THE LAW 
 LAID DOWN. 
 
 How wonderful is it, that two persons, who 
 perhaps never met before, should by a train 
 of circumstances be brought together, obtain a 
 peculiar propriety in each other, and form one 
 absolute communion of wishes, joys and sor- 
 rows ! 
 
 If we compare this relation with other con- 
 nexions, we shall find it surpasses them all. 
 Are other unions optional'^ They may be 
 limited in their continuance, or terminated at 
 2
 
 10 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 pleasure. But this is permanent, and indisso- 
 luble. You cannot marry for a given period. 
 It is for life. Are other unions natural'^ 
 Intimate indeed is the relation between brother 
 and sister : tender is the relation between 
 parents and children, especially between the 
 mother and ' the son of her womb.' ' But for 
 this cause shall a man leave his father and 
 mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and 
 they two shall be on.e flesh. What God hath 
 joined together, let no man put asunder.' 
 
 The marriage connexion therefore is the 
 most singular, and the most important. Hence 
 it can never be viewed with indifference. It 
 cannot be carelessly contemplated by legisla- 
 tors, by politicians, by moralists, by divines. 
 And can it be slightingly regarded by the 
 individuals themselves? The effects extend 
 to families and communities ; but how much 
 more powerfully must the consequences affect 
 the parties immediately concerned ? Can the 
 scripture, always alive to the welfare of man, 
 Can the scripture pass by such a relation ? 
 Impossible. It shows us its divine institution 
 and benediction in Paradise. It shows us our
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. H 
 
 Saviour gracing with his presence the celebra- 
 tion- of a marriage at Cana in Galilee, and 
 displaying ' his glory' by working a miracle to 
 preserve the new-married couple from embar- 
 rassment and mortification. It shows us in 
 this condition, characters the most eminent and 
 distinguished for piety and usefulness ; witness 
 Enoch, and Peter, and James, and John. It 
 brands with infamy the doctrine that ' forbids 
 to marry.' It often employs the connexion 
 as the image of the union subsisting between 
 Christ and the church. It assures us that 
 ' Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed 
 undefiled : but whoremongers and adulterers 
 God will judge.' 
 
 It is obvious therefore that the scripture is 
 far from discouraging marriage. But what it 
 does not condemn, it is careful to regulate. 
 Let us then, my Christian friends, look after 
 the will of God in this momentous and inter- 
 esting subject. 
 
 If ever we err, it is not from any defect in 
 the scripture, but because there is some * oc- 
 casion of stumbling in us :' some inattention 
 that hinders examination, or some prejudice
 
 12 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 that perverts it. His word is ' a lamp unto 
 our feet, and a light unto our paths.' There 
 is a sufficiency in it for all the useful purposes 
 of Mife and godhness.' Can a man ask at 
 these ' lively oracles,' how he is to conduct 
 himself in prosperity or adversity ; can he 
 inquire how he is to govern his family, and 
 train up his children ; and be at a loss for an 
 answer ?' ' He may run that readeth.' So 
 it is in the case before us. If Christians are 
 really desirous of knowing with whom, in mar- 
 riage aUiance, they are to unite themselves, 
 we make no scruple to say, the revealed will 
 of God is decisive and clear : It restricts 
 
 THEIR CHOICE TO RELIGIOUS CHARACTER 
 ONLY. 
 
 CHAPTER 11. 
 
 THIS LAW ARGUED AND ESTABLISHED. 
 
 If nothing express had been said on this 
 subject, the conclusion might fairly have been 
 drawn, from these general commands which
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 13 
 
 forbid all chosen and needless association with 
 the irreligious, founded on the danger of con- 
 tamination. 
 
 The case may be confirmed in no inconsid- 
 erable degree from the state of the Jews. It 
 is scarcely necessary to mention, that the Jews 
 were forbidden to marry with the surrounding 
 nations. But it may be proper to state two 
 objections. 
 
 First. It may be said that the prohibition 
 was confined to the seven accursed nations of 
 Canaan. But this was not the case. Am- 
 monites, Moabites, and Egyptians are reckoned 
 by Ezra among those from whom the returned 
 Israelites were to be separated ; and none of 
 these belonged to the race thus devoted to 
 extermination. 
 
 Secondly. It may be supposed that this 
 law was political, and regarded this people 
 only in their civil and national capacity. But 
 the futility of this will be demonstrated by 
 remarking, first, that they were allowed to 
 marry with individuals of any of the neigh- 
 bouring countries when they became prose- 
 lytes. This shows that the interdiction re-
 
 14 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 garded not their nation but their religion. And 
 secondly, that the reason always assigned as 
 the ground of the prohibition is not political, 
 but moral, and therefore universally and con- 
 stantly binding. Thus we find Moses saying, 
 ^ Neither shalt thou make marriages with them : 
 thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son ; 
 nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. 
 For they will turn away thy son from following 
 me, that they may serve other gods : so will 
 the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, 
 and destroy thee suddenly.' 
 
 But to come nearer. Have we not in the 
 New Testament a prohibition the most explic- 
 it ? * Be ye not unequally yoked together 
 with unbelievers.' We are aware that some 
 are disposed to take this scripture in a larger 
 sense, as forbidding to join with such persons 
 in church communion. But in answer to this, 
 not to remark, what we think cannot be denied, 
 that the expression of yoke-fellow is more used 
 in reference to marriage than to church com- 
 munion ; the former application of it being the 
 natural and original, the latter of course only 
 the borrowed and secondary; I say, not to
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE, 15 
 
 avail ourselves of this circumstance, we ob- 
 serve, that we have nothing to fear from ad- 
 mitting the explanation proposed. For if 
 Christians are forbidden to join with unbelievers 
 in church communion, surely they are equally 
 enjoined not to enter with them into marriage 
 contract. What ! were the converted Corin- 
 thians commanded to * come out from among 
 them :' and yet be permitted to enter into the 
 closest affinity with them ? Were they ordered 
 to be separate and not to * touch the unclean 
 thing :' and yet be allowed to become one 
 body? Was there to be no * fellowship be- 
 tween righteousness and unrighteousness, be- 
 tween light and darkness :' and yet were these 
 to be united forever ? Was ' he that beheveth 
 to have no part with an infidel,' and yet suffer 
 them to be partners for life ? Was ' the temple 
 of God to have nothing to do with idols,' and 
 yet were idols to be set up within its walls ? 
 
 But if this be not deemed sufficient to 
 establish our doctrine, let us attend to the 
 language of the apostle when speaking ex- 
 pressly of marriage. ' The wife,' says he, ^ is 
 bound by the law, as long as her husband
 
 16 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 liveth : but if her husband be dead, she is at 
 liberty to be married to whom she will : only 
 in the Lord.' Now though this be stated, as 
 the occasion of the words required, in reference 
 to a widow, the limitation unquestionably ex- 
 tends to all Christians in the same relative 
 circumstances. This then is the law of the 
 house. This is the indispensable considera- 
 tion — ONLY IN THE LoRD. Thus the wiU 
 of God is fully made known, and there are two 
 things we ought to remark with regard to it. 
 
 First, He cannot err in his decision. His 
 ^judgment is always according to truth. His 
 understanding is infinite.' He views a subject 
 in all its bearings, in all its consequences, in 
 all the possibilities of its operation. He sees 
 effects in their causes. He knows the end 
 from the beginning. He perceives how we 
 should think, feel, and act in every untried 
 state of being. How qualified therefore is he 
 to undertake to direct us ! And to what im- 
 plicit respect and absolute compliance is the 
 determination of such an adviser entitled ! 
 
 But secondly, we should remember that his 
 counsel is not advice j but command. Consid-
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 17 
 
 ered indeed as speaking from a regard to our 
 welfare, a love to our souls, he is the friendly- 
 monitor : but as to our obligation to obey, and 
 the danger we incur by trangression, there he 
 is nothing less than a Sovereign. It is at your 
 peril to cast any of his words behind your 
 back. ' See that ye refuse not Him that 
 speaketh.' 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 THE EVILS OF TRANSGRESSING THE INJUNCTION 
 VARIOUSLY VIEWED. 
 
 If people were as easily satisfied in receiving 
 truth as they are in opposing it ; if no more 
 was needful to influence the practice than to 
 produce conviction ; it might be unnecessary 
 to enlarge after the adduction of the preceding 
 arguments. But alas I in spiritual concerns 
 men venture their souls on such trifling evi- 
 dence, as, were it to govern them in their 
 temporal affairs, would lead their fellow crea-
 
 18 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 tures to conclude that they were either mad- 
 men or idiots. Here we need * line upon line ; 
 precept upon precept.' Let us then specify 
 some of the disadvantages and injuries that 
 arise from an infraction of this law among pro- 
 fessors of religion. And here we may observe, 
 
 That it scandalizes others. It counteracts, 
 discourages, and confounds ministers. It in- 
 jures the minds of your fellow Christians. It 
 proves a distress to the strong, and ' a stum- 
 bling-block to the weak.' It turns that ' which 
 is lame out of the way.' To your pious rela- 
 tions, it occasions the most painful regret and 
 anxiety. ' And Esau was forty years old 
 when he took to wife Judith the daughter of 
 Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter 
 of Elon the Hittite, who were a grief of mind 
 unto Isaac and Rebekah. And Rebekah said 
 to Isaac, I am weary of my life, because of the 
 daughters of Heth : if Jacob take a wife of the 
 daughters of Heth, such as these who are of 
 the daughters of the land, what good shall my 
 life do me ?' 
 
 It excites suspicion of your own religion. 
 At least it shows that you are not alive to its
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 19 
 
 principles and privileges : that if you ask its 
 advice, you can follow your own opinion ; and 
 that if you profess to please it, you are not 
 afraid to offend it. Would you marry an en- 
 emy of your own, before you believed there 
 was a change of disposition wrought in him ? 
 And why ? Because you love yourselves — 
 this would prevent it. And if the love of God 
 prevailed in your hearts, would you marry an 
 enemy to God before you discerned in him an 
 evidence of conversion ? ' Do not 1 hate them, 
 O Lord, that hate thee, and am not I grieved 
 with those that rise up against thee ? I hate 
 them with perfect hatred. 1 count them mine 
 enemies.' ' What do ye more than others ?' 
 Should not the line of distinction between the 
 church and the world be not only real, but 
 visible ? Should not the Christian universally 
 appear ? Are not his choice and refusal, as 
 well as his sorrow and joy, to evince the em- 
 pire of religion ? ' Whatsoever ye do in word 
 or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus. 
 Whether therefore ye eat or drink, or whatever 
 ye do, do all to the glory of God.' These 
 are the injunctions of God. And w^e are to
 
 20 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 * esteem all his commandments concerning all 
 things to be right, and to hate every false way.' 
 Again. We call upon you to remember 
 the duties enjoined upon Christians with regard 
 to their households. The discharge of these 
 duties in married life requires union, counte- 
 nance, assistance. They cannot be performed 
 to advantage, if at all, where in the heads of 
 the family, there is a contrariety of convictions, 
 dispositions, and pursuits. Peter therefore 
 enforces his admonition upon husbands and 
 wives by this motive, ' that your prayers be 
 not hindered.' For imagine the case we are 
 condemning. Does the man seek the glory 
 of God in all he does, and the woman her own 
 glory ? Does the woman make the will of 
 God her rule, and the man his own will ? 
 Instead of striving together, they draw ad- 
 versely, and the design of the union is defeated. 
 Are there children ? Some will be likely to 
 adhere to the father ; some to the mother. 
 Are there servants ? Some will be likely to 
 attach themselves to the master ; some to the 
 mistress. Thus the husband and wife will 
 probably keep a perpetual watch over each
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE, 21 
 
 Other, unwilling to lose any of their respective 
 influence ; and the house will be divided 
 against itself. 
 
 We observe also, that we personally need 
 every assistance we can receive in our passage 
 to heaven. There is surely enough in our- 
 selves, and in the way we travel, to keep us 
 back without engaging any one constantly to 
 retard our progress, either by opposition or 
 diversion ! What need often have we of 
 counsel in spiritual darkness and doubts ; of 
 comfort in soul-trouble ; of stimulation by 
 reproof or example in our religious languors ! 
 * Two are better than one, because they have 
 a good reward for their labour. For if they 
 fall, the one will hft up his fellow : but wo to 
 him that is alone when he walketh : for there 
 is not another to help him up.' He is a friend 
 indeed, who knows the road, will journey with 
 us, and afford us seasonable succour : but 
 what assistance is to be derived from one who 
 has no eyes or hands, or who is going in a 
 contrary direction ? Is it enough when we 
 want daily and hourly support, that a compan- 
 ion will not try to interrupt us ?
 
 22 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 For here — and this is another consideration 
 — here not to help, is to hinder. The very- 
 attraction of the mind from high and holy 
 things by continual discourse about other sub- 
 jects, will be no inconsiderable detriment. 
 For it is by the frequent recurrence of divine 
 things in our thoughts and in our conversation, 
 that we become spiritually-minded, and con- 
 tinue so. Pious emotions may be starved, 
 where they are not assassinated. Fire will 
 be extinguished immediately by water : but it 
 will go out in time, even for want of fuel. 
 
 But we do not go too far when we say, that 
 an irreligious connexion is likely to prove the 
 most effectual instrument in the world to injure 
 us, not only by weakening impressions, chilling 
 our affections, and drawing us off by degrees 
 from various duties, but also by perverting the 
 judgment, and enticing to sin. ' They were 
 mingled with the heathen, and learned their 
 works ; and they served their idols wiiich 
 became a snare unto them.' * Evil communi- 
 cations cormpt good manners.' And here 
 several additional things should be seriously 
 considered. For instance,
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 23 
 
 The example is near — is always in sight. 
 
 Evil has more power over us than good. 
 An oath when heard, will make a deeper im- 
 pression than a prayer. Profane images are 
 more easily retained in the mind than pure 
 ones. Evil falls in with our depravity ; and 
 always finds in us a friend to w^elcome and to 
 strengthen it. 
 
 The danger is greater if the unconverted 
 party be the husband, as he has the advantage 
 of superior authority and influence. 
 
 The more attachment there is, the greater 
 the hazard of moral injury : for affection is 
 wonderfully assimilating. like fire, it reduces 
 every thing it seizes into its own nature. We 
 are always in a great measure the same with 
 the object of our regard. The image, by its 
 frequent entrance into the mind, and by its 
 residence there, leaves its impression and re- 
 semblance. 
 
 But if you should escape unhurt morally, 
 which would be little less than a miracle, still 
 you may experience bitter trials ; and under 
 these crosses you will not be able to look up to 
 God for support aud deliverance with t]ie same
 
 24 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 cheerfulness and confidence you would feel if 
 they were afflictions of his sending. But you 
 have chosen them. Hence painful reflections 
 of mind. Hence you may expect to hear as 
 the inquiry of conscience, and as the censure 
 of Providence : 'Hast thou not procured this 
 unto thyself. Thou hast done foolishly ; from 
 henceforth thou shalt have wars.' Yea, some- 
 thing of this kind must be expected : ' If my 
 children forsake my law, and walk not in my 
 judgments : if they break my statutes, and 
 keep not my commandments : then will I visit 
 their transgressions with a rod, and their in- 
 iquity with stripes.' He has said ' If ye walk 
 contrary to me, I also will walk contrary to 
 you.' And he is a faithful God. And he is 
 able to make good his word. He can take 
 satisfaction out of our chosen delights. He 
 can remove them in his anger. He can leave 
 them to produce leanness in our souls. Though 
 he forgives the iniquities of his people, he 
 takes vengeance on their inventions. 
 
 To which we may add, and these are nat- 
 ural and unavoidable consequences, the painful 
 anxiousness of living with those from whom you
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 25 
 
 fear that you shall be separated forever ; and 
 the peculiar disagreeableness of being connect- 
 ed with those who are incapable of the princi- 
 pal part of your affection. Love them you 
 may indeed as husband or wife ; but not as 
 believers ; not as followers of our Lord, to 
 whom you are allied by stronger ties than 
 human, and which can never be dissolved. 
 Must not this be a vast deduction of happiness ; 
 a bitter ingredient in the cup ; a kind of daily 
 death ? 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 THE MISCHIEF HISTORICALLY CONSIDERED. 
 
 We may take another view of the breach 
 of this law, and see the evils that resulted from 
 it as natural effects, or as judgments from God, 
 as they are held forth in the scriptures of truth. 
 
 This was the particular sin for which' God 
 drowned the old w^orld. 
 3
 
 26 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 Some of Lot's daughters married in Sodom, 
 and perished in the overthrow. 
 
 Both Ishmael and Esau married irrehgious- 
 ly, and both were rejected, and turned perse- 
 cutors. 
 
 The first blasphemer that was stoned by 
 God's command is marked as an offspring of 
 one of these marriages — his mother had es- 
 poused an Egyptian. 
 
 The first captivity of the Jews after their 
 settlement in the Holy Land is ascribed to this 
 cause. The whole passage is very instructive. 
 It is said that the remains of the nations ' were 
 to prove Israel, to know whether they would 
 hearken unto the commandment of the Lord, 
 which he commanded their fathers by the hand 
 of Moses. And the children of Israel dwelt 
 among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, 
 and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites : 
 and they took their daughters to be their wives, 
 and gave their daughters to their sons, and 
 served their gods. And the children of Israel 
 did evil in the sight of the Lord, and forgat 
 the Lord their God, and served Baalim and 
 the groves : therefore the anger of the Lord
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 27 
 
 was hot against Israel, and he sold them into 
 the hand of Chushan-rishathaim, king of Mes- 
 opotamia : and the children of Israel served 
 Chushan-rishathaim eight years.' 
 
 David married the daughter of Talmai, 
 king of Geshur, by whom he had Absalom, — 
 the disgrace and curse of his family. 
 
 The case of Solomon is a warning to all ages. 
 
 His son Rehoboam, that lost the ten tribes, 
 sprang from one of these forbidden marriages 
 — his mother was an Ammonitess. 
 
 The marriage of Ahab is thus awfully no- 
 ticed : ' And it came to pass, as if it had been 
 a light 'thing for him to walk in the sins of 
 Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he took to 
 wife Jezebel, the daughter of Ethball, king of 
 the Zidonians, and went and served Baal and 
 worshipped him. But there was none like 
 unto Ahab, who did sell himself to work wick- 
 edness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel 
 his wife stirred up.' 
 
 What was it that Ezra so grievously la- 
 mented, and so sharply reproved ? It was, 
 that ' the holy seed had mingled themselves 
 with the people of the land.'
 
 28 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 And what says the zealous reformer, Ne- 
 hemiah ? ' Their children spake half in the 
 speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the 
 Jews' language, but according to the language 
 of each people. And I contended with them, 
 and cursed them, and smote certain of them, 
 and plucked off their hair, and made them 
 swear by God, saying. Ye shall not give your 
 daughters unto their sons, nor take their daugh- 
 ters unto your sons, or for yourselves. Did 
 not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things ! 
 Yet among many nations was there no king 
 like him, who was beloved of his God, and 
 God made him king over all Israel : never- 
 theless even him did outlandish women cause 
 to sin. Shall we then hearken unto you to 
 do all this great evil, to transgress against our 
 God in marrying strange wives !' 
 
 ' Now these things were our examples, to 
 the intent we should not lust after evil things, 
 as they also lusted,'
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 29 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 EXCUSES TO JUSTIFY DEVIATION FROM IT 
 EXAMINED. 
 
 In the history of the church recorded in the 
 New Testament, we find no instances similar 
 to those which have been remarked in the 
 preceding chapter. The rule was too clearly- 
 understood, and the reasons on which it was 
 founded, were too powerfully felt, to allow of 
 its violation by the primitive Christians. And 
 indeed one would suppose that a godly char- 
 acter would stand in need of no positive pro- 
 hibitbn in such a case as this. It might be 
 expected that his very feelings would secure 
 him. For surely a kind of violence must be 
 offered \o his dispositions and principles before 
 such a st^p can be taken. Accordingly some- 
 thing of this nature is often pleaded. They 
 feel religiovis reluctance, but speak as if it 
 WERE to be, and must be. Let us examine 
 this, and see vhether it be their fate or their 
 folly.
 
 30 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 Sometimes they plead peculiar circumstan- 
 ces which seem to countenance it. As this is 
 a very common excuse, and by which many 
 are deluded, it demands some notice. And 
 forever to check all encouragement derived 
 from this quarter, let the following things be 
 maturely considered. That such prognostics 
 are rarely, if ever, remarked, but when they 
 fall in with our determination, or at least with 
 our propensity. That when a man ' receives 
 not the love of the truth, God may give him 
 up to strong delusion to believe a lie. Thac 
 thus saith the Lord God ; every man of the 
 house of Israel, that setteth up his idols in Ms 
 heart, and putteth the stumbling-block of his 
 iniquity before his face, and cometh to the 
 prophet : I the Lord will answer hirr that 
 cometh according to the multitude of his idols : 
 that I may take the house of Israel I'n their 
 own heart, because they are all estrarged from 
 me through their idols.' That aftar he has 
 expressly said to Balaam ' go not,' and he finds 
 him still longing for the enterprise, he can say, 
 by an irony which the eager mird will mistake 
 for reality, 'go.' That Jonal, was deceived
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 31 
 
 if he supposed, that when fleeing from the 
 presence of the Lord, it was very providential 
 for him to find a vessel just ready to sail for 
 Tarshish. That circumstances and events are 
 equivocal, having occurred at different times 
 with the most contradictory aspects. That 
 the word of God is our only guide, and that 
 only while walking by this rule shall mercy 
 and peace be upon us. That we are to lay 
 stress on nothing, however singular or striking, 
 that opposes the revealed will of God. That 
 the death of a prophet slain by a lion w^as 
 WTitten to teach us this very truth : he had 
 received an express command in which ha 
 could not be mistaken, and he yi§lded to 
 another specious suggestion as coming from 
 God, concerning which he could not be sure. 
 
 But there is another justification often urged. 
 It is the prospect of being useful. This also 
 is common, and has often ensnared those who 
 ought to ' walk circumspectly ; not as fools, 
 but as wise.' Here permit me to ask you thq 
 following questions. 
 
 Are we to do evil that good may come ? 
 It is desirable for a generous Christian to havQ
 
 32 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 property ; he will do good with it. But is 
 he to steal or rob in order to obtain it ? 
 
 Is marriage to be considered as one of the 
 means of grace ? Is it ever spoken of in 
 scripture, as intended for the conversion of 
 souls ? Is it any where prescribed for this 
 purpose ? 
 
 Promises and appearances may induce a 
 pleasing hope during the formation of the con- 
 nexion ; but may not these be very fallacious ? 
 To admit this, it is not necessary to suppose 
 that the individual is vile enough to deceive 
 wilfully — yet this has frequently been the 
 case ; and a regard to the forms of evangelical 
 religion, has been a mere pretence, gradually 
 thrown off as the inducement for using it ceased 
 — but it is not necessary to charge a man with 
 hypocrisy. There are many powerful emotions 
 that are very sincere, and yet not durable. 
 The mind may be softened by affection ; and 
 view every thing in reference to its favourite 
 purpose. Men know not themselves ; they 
 are not aware how they may feel in new and 
 untried situations. The godliness which they 
 seem even to admire in the general indistinct
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 33 
 
 notion, and while at a distance, may become 
 very irksome when brought near and acted 
 upon in every instance of hfe : yea it must be 
 offensive, at least in all its more spiritual parts 
 and exercises, to every natural man. Who, 
 that is not alive to his religious improvement, 
 is likely to love an example that continually 
 admonishes and condemns ? Who that is try- 
 ing 10 go to sleep loves a noise ? Who that 
 wishes to remain in darkness can be fond of 
 light — especially placed so near ? 
 
 Is it not more consistent with a becomin<y 
 diffidence of yourselves to fear that you should 
 be injured by the irreligious, rather than that 
 the irreligious should be benefitted by you ? 
 We have already shown the danger of this in 
 fact, and which has led an ingenuous author 
 to remark, that he who would pull another out 
 of a pit had need stand firm, or he may be 
 pulled in. We have already mentioned Solo- 
 mon. Whether Solomon hoped to bring over 
 Pharoah's daughter to worship the true God 
 we know not, but we do know that she brought 
 him over to worship a false one. But we 
 have now to do only with the apprehension 
 4
 
 34 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 and impression of this triuh. Is it consistent 
 with humihty to suppose that you can stand 
 where others, and some of them far superior 
 to yourselves, have fallen ? Is it consistent 
 with a proper sense of your own weakness to 
 rush into extreme perils, confident, not only 
 that you shall be secure there, but even do 
 o-ood ? The very imagination forebodes ilL 
 It looks like the pride that goes before de- 
 struction, and the haughty spirit that precedes 
 a fall. Indeed, it is righteous in God to suffer 
 us to fall, when, disobeying his command, we 
 renounce his protection, and venture to proceed 
 without him. 
 
 Again. As you conclude that your com- 
 panion being ungodly will not be able to make 
 you irreligious ; what authorizes you to think 
 that your being godly will be able to make 
 him religious ? Surely out of your own mouth 
 you are condemned ; for the very principle 
 upon which you proceed with regard to your- 
 self should reduce the confidence you indulge 
 with regard to him. If you have no fear that 
 he can impress and influence you, you should 
 have no hope that you can impress and influ-
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 35 
 
 ence him. If you believe that your love to 
 him will not alter you, you ought not to believe 
 that his love to you will alter him. 
 
 And do you consider what human nature 
 is ? Do you consider what real religion is ? 
 If so, surely you would not think so lightly of 
 accomplishing the conversion of a soul as you 
 now seem to do. If the process be so easy, 
 why are so few converted at all ? Why do 
 not all those, who have dear connexions, con- 
 vert those whom they love and by whom they 
 are beloved ? 
 
 But you say, You do not expect the result 
 independent of God's influence and blessing : 
 but is not he able to convert them ? He is. 
 And we have reason to believe he has in some 
 cases employed his power. For we cannot 
 go the length of Dr. Doddridge, who has 
 remarked, that where Christians have know^- 
 ingly espoused irreligious characters, he never 
 knew an instance of the conversion of one of 
 them afterwards. But I ask, would you take 
 up an affair so important on a ground so slen- 
 der ? On a mere possibility ? For probability 
 there is none. You would not like to marry
 
 36 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 a condemned criminal, because he may be 
 pardoned or reprieved. God can make a 
 beggar a gentleman, and yet I presume you 
 would not like to take him on this presump- 
 tion ; you would rather reckon certainly upon 
 a little wealth. Why then marry an uncon- 
 verted sinner, because God may, because God 
 can, call him by his grace ? 
 
 Besides, if the acceptance and success of 
 all our endeavours depend wholly upon his 
 favour, can it be a, rational way to attain our 
 wishes, to slight his authority, and to provoke 
 his anger by disobedience ? 
 
 But, to conclude. Even if God should 
 overrule such a connexion for good, you will 
 remember that this is his work, and the glory 
 belongs to him. It does not prove that you 
 have done right ; nor can it free the mind 
 from distress in review. For you cannot be 
 so ignorant as not to be able to distinguish 
 between your unrighteousness, and the divine 
 goodness that has thus blest you, notwith- 
 standing all your desert.
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 37 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 IN WHAT CASES THIS LAW IS NOT BROKEN, THOUGH 
 BOTH THE PARTIES BE NOT RELIGIOUS. 
 
 We have thus endeavoured, by placing the 
 subject in various points of light, to prove, that 
 Christians in the business of marriage ought to 
 confine their choice to pious characters only. 
 But to relieve the minds of some who deserve 
 pity rather than censure, let me remark two 
 or three instances in which the rule laid down 
 is not transgressed. 
 
 First. It sometimes happens that both 
 parties are ignorant of divine things at the 
 time of marriage, and one is called afterward. 
 When this is the case, the blame does not 
 attach. But the individual renewed by divine 
 grace, now feels pains and anxieties, to which 
 he was before a stranger. It is the nature of 
 grace to excite, with a concern for our own 
 welfare, a concern for the salvation of others, 
 especially of those to whom we are tenderly 
 connected by blood, friendship, or affinity.
 
 38 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 How can I endure the thought of being sever- 
 ed forever from her in whom my happiness is 
 so much bound up ? ' How can I bear,' will 
 such an Esther say, ' to see the destruction of 
 my kindred ?' She will therefore pray, and 
 use every persuasive method to allure. She 
 will endeavour to render her religion lovely 
 and attractive. It is what the scripture en- 
 joins. ' Ye wives, be in subjection to your 
 own husbands, that if any obey not the word, 
 they also, may without the word, be won by 
 the conversation of the wives : while they 
 behold your chaste conversation coupled with 
 fear.' And for the consolation of such, be it 
 remembered, that after a trial, and perhaps a 
 long one, of their faith and patience, God has 
 frequently heard their petitions, and succeeded 
 their endeavours. After performing religious 
 exercises alone, they have gone to the house 
 of God in company ; and have walked together 
 as heirs of the grace of life. 
 
 Secondly. Persons may be mistaken after 
 due examination. Every thing admits of 
 counterfeit. There is a specious imitation of 
 every Christian grace as well as of every moral
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 virtue. But we are not accountable for our 
 inability to read the heart. This is the pre- 
 rogative of God only. ' By their fruits we 
 are to know them.^ If the profession be fair, 
 and the life blameless, there is no objection 
 upon this ground to hinder choice. 
 
 Thirdly. There is another case which 
 perhaps to some will not carry the same force 
 of conviction. Yet we do not express our- 
 selves without due deliberation and counsel. 
 It is this. Two individuals, both, at the time 
 of promise, destitute of religion, may solemnly 
 pledge themselves to each other, and before 
 the actual accomplishment of the covenant 
 engagement, one of them may become pious. 
 We will suppose it to be the man. In this 
 case, we affirm that he would not be at liberty 
 to violate his promise, under the pretence of 
 looking out for a character congenial with his 
 present views. If some contend that marriage 
 be nothing more than a civil contract, all must 
 allow that it is nothing less : and not to ob- 
 serve the coercion of the case — not to observe 
 that the law could enforce the claim ; the 
 insufficiency of justifying a civil offence by a
 
 40 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 religious reason ; and the ridiculousness of the 
 attempt — what a dishonour would be done to 
 the cause of the gospel by such prevaricating 
 morality ? For such it must appear to the 
 world. Whereas we are to ' have our conver- 
 sation honest among the Gentiles :' we are not 
 to suffer our ' good' to be ' evil spoken of :' 
 we are to ' avoid the very appearance of evil.' 
 Such is the holy delicacy of the gospel ! 
 
 This seems to be one of those cases in 
 which a good man ' sweareth to his own hurt 
 and changeth not.' And trying as the scene 
 may be, if by the consent of the other party 
 he be not honourably disengaged, we should 
 advise him to a plain, straight-forward policy ; 
 and to expect that in a combination of circum- 
 stances so peculiarly providential, all will be 
 overruled for good, either by way of usefulness 
 or trial. 
 
 And if even this solemn consideration be 
 not sufficient to discharge a man honourably 
 from one to whom he has contracted himself, 
 will any thing else ? Can any thing else ? 
 What ! is he to trifle with a sacred engage- 
 ment, and to wound the affections, the respect-
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 41 
 
 ability, the health, the peace of a female ! — 
 because another object comes in view subse- 
 quently, in his opinion, more eligible for per- 
 son, for fortune, for address ? ! ! If a man 
 wished to sink the honour of religion, and to 
 disgrace the value of the Christian — how 
 much more should it ever be the ministerial 
 character ! he could not take a step that would 
 more effectually accomplish his purpose. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 THE DISREGARD OF THIS PRINCIPLE LAMENTED.... 
 BUT PIETF THOUGH ESSENTIAL TO CHOICE, NOT 
 SUFFICIENT ALONE TO JUSTIFY IT.. ..MINISTERS 
 UNDER PECULIAR OBLIGATION TO MARRY DIS- 
 CREETLY PRUDENCE NEEDFUL AND RECOM- 
 MENDED. 
 
 Happy those who have formed a union, 
 foimded in true godliness, the bonds of which 
 are faith and love in Christ Jesus ! They are 
 pleasant in life, and in death not divided. But
 
 42 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 how deplorable is It, that this Christian rule of 
 marriage is so frequently trampled upon. The 
 violation is, in the degree of it at least, pecuhar 
 to our own age. Our pious ancestors, espec- 
 ially among the non-conformists, would have 
 been shocked at the practice, as appears from 
 their invaluable writings. And I am persuaded 
 that it is very much owing to the prevalence 
 of these indiscriminate and unhallowed connex- 
 ions, that we have fallen so far short of those 
 men of God who are gone before us, in our 
 seclusion from the world, in the simplicity of 
 our manners, In the uniformity of our profes- 
 sion, in the discharge of family worship, and 
 the training up of our households in the nur- 
 ture and admonition of the Lord. How could 
 it have been otherwise ? Is there not a con- 
 nexion between causes and effects ? Do we 
 sow one kind of grain, and reap another ? Can 
 * men gather grapes of thorns or figs of thistles ?' 
 Guard therefore my Christian friends against 
 every pretence that would draw you into this 
 forbidden path ! Establish the unlawfulness 
 and pernlciousness of such alliances as ' a 
 principle' in your minds, that when the evil
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 43 
 
 day of temptation comes, it may find you 
 ready to resist, steadfast in the faith. You 
 should not have your weapons to seek when 
 you want them to use. O woman, do not 
 accept a man, who has all ' the wisdom of the 
 world,' if a stranger to the excellency of the 
 knowledge of Christ Jesus our Lord.' Do not, 
 it is the rough image of an old divine, do not 
 choose a swine because he has a golden trough. 
 Whatever a man possesses, remember he has 
 nothinoj, if he has not ' the one thino^ needful.' 
 O man, be not reconciled to a weak or ugly 
 mind, because it w^ears a handsome body. 
 ' Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain : but 
 a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be 
 praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands : 
 and let her own works praise her in the gate.' 
 But a marriage that is not sinful, may be 
 improper. The apostle himself distinguishes 
 between what is ' lawful,' and w^hat is ' expe- 
 dient.' Religion is indeed indispensable, but 
 does not alone constitute the propriety of the 
 action. Religion is indeed essential, but is not, 
 abstracted from all other considerations, sufficient 
 to justify choice. To exemplify this a little.
 
 44 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 The admission of the piety of the parties 
 does not destroy the indecorum of haste, in 
 marrying immediately after the death of a 
 husband or wife. 
 
 The admission of the piety of the parties 
 does not hinder the censure due to a great 
 disparity in years. How unnatural, how in- 
 decent is it to see an old man surrounded with 
 infants and babes, which he can scarcely see 
 or hear for the infirmities of age ! How un- 
 natural, how odious is it to see a young man 
 fastened to a piece of antiquity — so as to per- 
 plex strangers to determine whether he is liv- 
 ing with a wife or a mother ! 
 
 The admission of the piety of the parties 
 does not render in all cases, a difference of 
 sentiment, and of denomination unimportant. 
 It is not lovely for the husband and wife to 
 repair on the Sabbath day morning to separate 
 places of worship. It is not pleasant in re- 
 marking what they have heard, after their 
 return home, for the one to censure what the 
 other approves. It is not edifying in the 
 dedication of their common offspring to God 
 by baptism to disagree, not only as to the im-
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 45 
 
 portance, but also as to the validity of the 
 ordinance. The observation cannot be con- 
 sidered as founded in bigotry, since it will 
 equally apply to both sides of the question, in 
 a number of cases in every religious community, 
 and is derived from the unalterable nature of 
 things. Indeed, to have a preference from 
 conviction, and to adhere to the distinctions 
 arising from it, without condemning others, can 
 never be confounded with illiberality, but by 
 a weak or a vicious mind. 
 
 The admission of the piety of the parties 
 cannot preclude the necessity of suitableness. 
 Indeed, religion being supposed, suitableness 
 seems to be the chief requisite to the duty, the 
 respectability, and the happiness of connected 
 life. This fitness takes in an adaptation to 
 each other personally, and also to the situation 
 in which they are called to move. It has 
 commonly been said that no class of men err 
 so much in this article as ministers. But 
 surely this cannot be admitted. It cannot be 
 supposed that those who have opportunities 
 to make the best choice, commonly make the 
 worst. It cannot be supposed that those
 
 46 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 whose office it is to inculcate prudence, should 
 be themselves proverbial for indiscretion. It 
 cannot be supposed that those whose inconoes 
 are limited, and whose circumstances demand 
 economy, would bring into the management 
 of them, those who have been trained up in 
 delicacy, and extravagance : and are helpless, 
 and profuse. It cannot be supposed that men, 
 whose office is respectable, and productive of 
 social intercourse, would select vulgarity and 
 ignorance, unfit to be either seen or heard, 
 merely because it is pious. A minister is to 
 inculcate order and regularity — and would he 
 marry a female that would render his house 
 a scene of confusion and tumult ? A minister 
 is to show how the claims of life and religion 
 harmonize, and to assign to the duties of each, 
 their own place and season — and would he 
 marry a rattle-brain, who instead of being a 
 keeper at home, has been always rambling 
 after some new preacher ; who instead of 
 quietly glorifying God in her proper sphere of 
 action, has been endeavouring to excite public 
 attention ; who has been zealous in matters 
 of doubtful disputation, but has treated as
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 47 
 
 beneath her regard, common and relative ob- 
 ligations ? Need he be told that a becoming 
 behaviour in a lower and private station, is the 
 surest pledge of, and the best preparation for, 
 a proper behaviour in a higher and more pub- 
 lic situation ! A minister is to recommend 
 neatness and all the decencies of hfe — and 
 would he marry a slattern ? A minister is to 
 show that the ornament of a meek and quiet 
 spirit is in the sight of God of great price — 
 and would he marry a scold ? A minister is 
 to stand in the same relation to all his people 
 who demand his love and service — and would 
 he marry a female who would fondly attach 
 herself to a few cronies, listen to all their se- 
 crets and divTilge her own, and form cabals 
 and schisms, which will render his residence 
 unpleasant, or occasion his removal ! 
 
 ' The attention of ministers,' says Mr. Gilpin, 
 ' in choosing such companions, as may not 
 hinder their success, is of so great importance, 
 that in some countries the conduct of a pastor's 
 wife, as well as that of the pastor himself, is 
 supposed either to edify, or mislead the flock. 
 Nay, the minister himself is frequently con-
 
 48 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 demned for the faults of his wife : thus in the 
 Protestant churches of Hungary, they degrade 
 a pastor, whose wife indulges herself in cards, 
 dancing, or any other public amusement that 
 bespeaks the gaiety of a lover of the world, 
 rather than the gravity of a Christian matron. 
 This severity springs from the supposition, 
 that the w^oman, having promised obedience 
 to her husband, can do nothing but what he 
 either directs or approves. Hence they con- 
 clude that example having a greater influence 
 than precept, the wife of a minister, if she be 
 inclined to the world, will preach worldly 
 compliance with more success by her conduct, 
 than her husband can preach worldly renun- 
 ciation by the most solemn discourses.' And 
 certainly the scandal of many will always be 
 the result of that deplorable inconsistency, 
 which is sometimes seen between the serious 
 instructions of a godly minister, and the trifling 
 behaviour of a w^oman with whom he is so 
 intimately connected. If the wives of the 
 deacons are to be ' grave, not slanderers, sober, 
 faithful in all things,' what less can be required 
 of the wives of pastors ? ' A bishop then must
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 49 
 
 be blameless ; one that ruleth well his own 
 house, having his children in subjection with 
 all gravity. For if a man know not how to 
 rule his own house, how shall he take care of 
 the church of God I' 
 
 Things said indeed concerning the wives of 
 ministers should generally be received with 
 caution. Owing to a line in life, the peculiar- 
 ity of which is often very little known or 
 considered, their actions and motives may be 
 sometimes condemned, when perhaps, instead 
 of deserving censure, they merit praise. By 
 their union with persons of some distinction 
 and influence, they are in a state to awaken 
 envy, and ill-natured remark. By their oc- 
 cupying a conspicuous station, they are more 
 liable to observation than many in more com- 
 mon life. This renders it needful for them to 
 be peculiarly circumspect and exemplary. 
 And it must be confessed that such females 
 are placed in a situation very difficult and 
 trying. But at the same time, if this situation 
 be filled up properly, they have an opportunity 
 to render themselves truly respectable and 
 useful. In a superior degree, they may ' serve 
 5
 
 60 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 their generation, according to the will of God/ 
 In such circumstances, examples of prudence, 
 economy, order, neatness, temper, amiableness, 
 domestication, will not fail to strike and im- 
 press the minds of numbers. 
 
 But there is another view in which we ought 
 to consider such an help-meet. It is the ad- 
 vantage which her husband derives from her, 
 not only personally, but officially, and by 
 which she is rendered a blessing to others. 
 Are his life and exertions and reputation of 
 importance ? And does she, by tlie exceUency 
 of her character, reflect honour upon his 
 choice, and secure deference to his judgment? 
 Does she, by her attentions to his personal 
 appearance, the state of his family, and the 
 decorum of his children, add to his respecta- 
 bihty and acceptance ? Does she, by season- 
 ably aiding his remembrance, contribute to the 
 punctuality of his engagements, his visits, and 
 his correspondence ? Does she, by allowing 
 ' her husband to trust safely in her,' discharge 
 him from secular concerns, and keep him free, 
 to pursue his work with undivided attention ? 
 Does she, by soothing him under distress, and
 
 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 51 
 
 tranquillizing him under irritation, preserve his 
 mind in a frame favourable to reflection and 
 study ? Does she, by taking care of his health, 
 and spirits, enlarge the number, and lengthen 
 the course of his labours? Such a female 
 deserves the esteem and applause of a congre- 
 gation, a neighbourhood, a country ! 
 
 Of what avail are reflections like these to 
 such as have already taken unguarded steps ? 
 Are not the consequences irretrievable ? They 
 are — but yet they may be improveable. I 
 know it is cold comfort to tell a man, involved 
 in difficulty and distress, that all this might have 
 been avoided, and to upbraid him with the 
 warnings which he refused to take. But will 
 it not be useful for him to ascertain the cause 
 of his mistake, and to review the progress of 
 his infatuation? May he not turn to some 
 good account the lessons of painful experience, 
 and the corrections of maturer judgment? 
 Ought he not to increase in self-knowledge, 
 and self-diffidence ? ' Surely it is meet to be 
 said unto God, I have borne chastisement : I 
 will not oflend any more : that which I see 
 not, teach thou me : if I have done iniquity, I
 
 52 ESSAY ON MARRIAGE. 
 
 will do no more. Search me, O God, and 
 know my heart : try me, and know my 
 thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way 
 in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.' 
 
 But there are others whose escape is possi- 
 ble, and for whose preservation we are con- 
 cerned. 1 hope that my younger brethren in 
 the sacred office, and those who are under a 
 course of preparation for it, will not be offended 
 at ray taking advantage of this address to intro- 
 duce these free remarks on ministerial marriage : 
 
 And by concluding — in calling upon them 
 to show how undeservedly their body has been 
 reproached. Let them beware. Let them 
 see how necessary it is, not only that piety, 
 but prudence should guide them. Let them 
 remember how much their comfort, their hon- 
 our, their usefulness depend upon a wise, as 
 well as a religious choice. A wrong step here 
 may involve them in embarrassments ; make 
 them go mourning down to the grave ; strip 
 them of their glory, and take the crown from 
 their head. ' A prudent man foreseeth the 
 evil, and hideth himself, but the simple pass 
 on, and are punished.'
 
 MUTUAL. DUTIES 
 
 OF 
 
 HUSBANDS AND WIVES: 
 
 A DISCOURSE, 
 
 OCCASIOKZD Br 
 
 THE MARRIAGE OF R S , ESQ., OF M . 
 
 PREACHED IN AaGVLE-CHAPEL, BATH, AUGUST 16, 1801.
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 It may be asked, Why is this Discourse published ? 
 
 The Author has never been afraid to preach on moral subjects. 
 He despises the charge of Legality, and exceedingly dislikes the 
 exclusive application ofthe term Evangelical, to doctrinal preaching. 
 
 He has also been accustomed to seize events, and circumstances, 
 as they arise, to enliven attention, and diversify public instruction. 
 His much esteemed Friend, whose name he has been compelled 
 to suppress in the title-page, having engaged to worship in his 
 congregation, on the Sabbath previous to his espousals with an 
 amiable young Female who had resided some months in the Au- 
 thor's family — he resolved to select a portion of scripture suitable 
 to the occasion. The occasion was particular, but the subject 
 was general ; he therefore enlarged, and delivered the following 
 Discourse. The same day he received a pressing solicitation from 
 his friend to publish; soon after arrived a request, signed by a 
 number of his people, in the name of the rest. The Author re- 
 spects their judgment, and owes much to their kindness and 
 esteem. The peculiar delicacy and elegance with which these 
 applications are drawn up, would induce him to expose them at 
 length, did not their flattering relation to himself forbid. 
 
 It is hoped the Discourse will appear impartial ; it was deliT>L 
 ered without fear, and without flattery. Long as the Discourse 
 will be found, it was all spoken ; the Preacher desiring the audi- 
 ence to exercise a little more patience than usual. He chose to 
 address both at the same time, rather than reserve the duties of 
 either husband or wife to another opportunity. As the Author 
 always preaches without notes, and had written only a general 
 sketch of the subject, some few words and phrases may differ 
 from those delivered in the pulpit; but the sense is completely, 
 and the language nearly the same. Had the Discourse been 
 designed for publication, or studied free from some peculiar inter- 
 ruptions and engagements, it might have been less unworthy of 
 perusal. 
 
 Bath^ August 24, 1801.
 
 DISCOURSE. 
 
 1 Peter iii. 1 — 7. 
 
 Likewise, yc wives, be in siibjection to your own hzisbands, that if any 
 obey not the word, they also may, without the word, be won by the 
 conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation 
 coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward 
 adorning, of plaiting the hair, and of icearing of gold, or of putting 
 on of apparel ; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which 
 is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and, quiet spirit, which 
 is in the sight of Ood of great price. For after this manner, in the 
 old time, tlie holy women also who trusted in Ood adorned themselves, 
 being in subjection unto their own husbands .- even as Sarah obeyed 
 .Abraham, calling him lord ; whose daughters ye are as long as ye 
 do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye hus- 
 bands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto 
 the loife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the 
 grace of life ; that your prayers be not hindered. 
 
 The Governor of the universe is perpetu- 
 ally varying and determining our duties, by 
 the dispensations of bis providence, the con- 
 ditions in which he fixes us, and the connex- 
 ions he leads us to form. Thus the whole 
 scripture is examined in succession, and every 
 truth of the gospel obtains an application ap-» 
 propriate and impressive.
 
 6 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 Marriage is an institution of peculiar impor- 
 tance. It is of divine ordination, and almost 
 coeval with the existence of the human race. 
 It is the origin of families ; the source of the 
 continuance and welfare of nations. It distin- 
 guishes man from the brute creation, excludes 
 the disorders of licentiousness, and cherishes 
 the sweetest affections of the heart. There is 
 no union, the quality of which is so intimate, 
 the obligation of which is so binding, the con- 
 sequences of which are so momentous. It 
 even surpasses natural relation ; ' and for this 
 cause shall a man leave his father and his 
 mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and 
 they two shall be one flesh ; what therefore 
 God hath joined together, let not man put 
 asunder.' 
 
 Hence the opinion of those who would 
 either banish or degrade marriage, has always 
 been held by the wise and the virtuous, as a 
 sentiment the most vile and injurious, equally 
 destructive of morals and of social happiness. 
 Hence many of the philosophers and legisla- 
 tors, even in the heathen world, were peculiarly 
 solicitous to establish, to sanction, to encourage,
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 57 
 
 and to regulate this institution. But in this, 
 as well as in every other instance favourable 
 to the welfare of mankind, the ' gospel of our 
 salvation' has the pre-eminence. It classes 
 the prohibition of the ordinance with ^the 
 doctrine of devils ;' assures us ^ marriage is 
 honourable in all ;' leads us back to its com-, 
 mencement in Paradise ; renders the bond 
 indissoluble ; places it under the jurisdiction 
 of Heaven ; takes from it an image to prefigure 
 the union of Christ and his people, and often 
 makes it the subject of particular instruction. 
 It has given us advice, it has given us law ; 
 and where is this law so beautifully and largely 
 expressed as in the passage I hold up to view 
 this morning ? 
 
 L In the delineation of the duties resulting 
 from marriage, our divine Instructer begins 
 with WIVES — ^^and to animate their attention 
 to the rules he prescribes, he reminds them of 
 the probability of their usefulness to their bus-, 
 bands in a case of all others the most interest-, 
 ing : ' If any obey not the word, they may^ 
 without the word, be won.'
 
 58 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 Religion is not always universal , even in 
 small, detached portions of society. In the 
 same house, there may be an heir of glory, 
 and a son of perdition, natural alliance and 
 spiritual disunion, persons living together in 
 this world between whom, in eternity, there 
 will be a great gulf fixed. 
 
 The instance of infidelity and ungodliness is 
 taken from the man ; and the apostle marks 
 the piety of the wife, rather than of the hus- 
 band. Is this mentioned without design ? Do 
 not history, experience, and observation favour 
 the probabihty ? Have not women in all de- 
 nominations, in all ages, in all countries, in all 
 ranks, been more disposed to religion, than 
 men ? From how many vices are females 
 restrained by considerations which bear, much 
 less forcibly, on the minds of men ? Who 
 depends so much on opinion and esteem, or 
 feels so many motives to preserve reputation 
 unblemished ? Denied so often the liberty of 
 divulging their emotions, who so ready to 
 seize the privilege of prayer, and to ^ pour out 
 the heart before God ? Who so susceptible of 
 lively impressions ? Who feels so powerfully
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 59 
 
 the thrilling of sympathy, or melts down so 
 easily into all the tendernesses of benevolence ? 
 While we think, they feel ; while we deliber- 
 ate, they relieve. What woman was ever 
 destitute of commiseration ? It was not a 
 woman that unfeelingly ' looked on,' or ^ pass- 
 ed by on the other side,' w^hen the poor trav- 
 eller lay, wounded, bleeding, half dead. Who 
 so accustomed to self-denial, the first, the last 
 lesson, in the school of Christ ? Who feels 
 such vicissitudes of health, or passes through 
 scenes of pain and hazard so adapted to excite 
 an entire dependence upon God, and to awaken 
 solemn thought, by bringing another world 
 nearer the view ? Less occupied in the dis- 
 tracting concerns of business, she has more 
 time for solitude and reflection. Her general 
 sphere of action, is much more propitious to 
 innocency and devotion. Her joys are more 
 immediately derived from her virtues. Home 
 is the chief place of her amusements. The 
 tenderest cares of nature charm, as w^ell as 
 employ her. The mother is happy to press 
 to her lips and to her bosom the babe she has 
 borne ; to feel the stroking hand of her suck-
 
 60 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 ling at her breast ; to sit by the cradle of her 
 infant daughter ; to view from the window the 
 manly exploits of her boy ; or 
 
 'Delightful task, to rear the tender thought, 
 To teach the young idea how to shoot, 
 To pour the fresh instruction o'er the mind. 
 To breathe th' enlivening spirit, and to fix 
 The generous purpose in the glowing breast.' 
 
 Hence, how often do we see the sister, 
 travelling a road, in which her brother refuses 
 to accompany her ; and the wife, living under 
 the powder of the gospel, while the husband 
 neglects to hear, or hears with indifference ! 
 It were indeed to be wished that real Christians 
 ■would never contract affinity with the irreli- 
 gious : they are required to ' marry in the 
 Lord.' The necessity of this law is more than 
 justified, by the discords and miseries in which 
 those involve themselves, who refuse to be 
 governed by it. Therefore no countenance is 
 here given to the practice of being ' unequally 
 yoked together with unbelievers.' But a 
 change may be effected subsequent to mar- 
 riage. The wife may become rehgious, while 
 the husband remains a stranger, or a foe. Now
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 61 
 
 that which should prevent marriage, is not to 
 dissolve it. The relation continues ; and the 
 wife, so far from being absolved from her obli- 
 gation, is furnished with an additional motive 
 to discharge it. ' For what knowest thou, O 
 wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband ?' 
 Let it excite all thy concern. The salvation 
 of a soul ! the salvation of a husband ! of one 
 endeared by so many ties ! O lose not each 
 other in the ' valley of the shadow of death.' 
 Let your friendshijD survive the desolations of 
 time, and be renewed to infinite advantage 
 beyond the grave. Think, O wife, of the 
 happiness, the honour that awaits you. What 
 is the triumph you have acquired over him by 
 your charms, compared with the victory you 
 will obtain over him by your religion ? What 
 pleasure will attend the remainder of your 
 days ; now you are ' of one heart and of one 
 mind :' now you ' take sweet counsel together.' 
 The privileged language of prayer now is, our 
 Father ; of every motion made ' to go and 
 seek the Lord of Hosts,' there is a ready ac- 
 ceptance, ' I will go also.' And what will 
 * be your joy and crown of rejoicing' in that
 
 62 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 day when, before assembled men and angels, 
 he will say, ' O blessed be the Providence 
 which attached us in yonder world, and has 
 still more perfectly united us in this. ' The 
 woman thou gavest to be with me' led me not 
 to ' the tree of knowledge of good and evil,' 
 but to ' the tree of life, which is in the midst 
 of the Paradise of God.' 
 
 To encourage those who feel the painful 
 affliction of ungodly relations, I would observe 
 that, ultimately, we seldom see one individual 
 only in the household called by grace. She 
 may have the honour of being the first-fruits ; 
 but more, commonly follow. She may be 
 long exercised before any favourable indi- 
 cations appear ; but how often, at last, are all 
 her prayers heard, and her endeavours crowned 
 with success ; prejudices the most inveterate 
 gradually give way ; each is successively dis- 
 posed to hear, till we see them all ' going to 
 the house of God in company.' It is not 
 possible for persons to be much together even 
 in the exercises of common friendship, without 
 impression and effect : we soon imbibe each 
 other's dispositions, and assimilate : ' he that
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 63 
 
 walketh with wise men shall be wise, and a 
 companion of fools shall be destroyed.' But 
 of all the causes which form our manners, 
 none operates so powerfully as female inter- 
 course. If confined entirely to their company, 
 we become effeminate ; if constantly excluded 
 from it, we contract a roughness of temper, 
 and a negligence of person ; our behaviour 
 assumes a ruder form, our voice a harsher 
 tone ; our sensations are less delicate, our 
 passions more brutal. Who has so many 
 avenues to the heart as a woman ? What 
 influence affects like her's ? By means of a 
 connexion the most attractive, an intercourse 
 the most familiar, the persuasion of words, the 
 eloquence of tears, an example the most lovely 
 and always placed in view, a wife has a thou- 
 sand opportunities of removing prepossessions, 
 of fixing impressions, of engaging attention, of 
 insinuating goodness. The gospel was spread 
 over a large proportion of Europe, and estab- 
 lished in several countries where it prevails to 
 this day, chiefly by women, who, not satisfied 
 with gaining thrones by their charms, rendered 
 their attractions subservient to their religion,
 
 64 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 and drew over monarchs to the Christian faith. 
 *rhese are pubUc, splendid achievements, Im- 
 mortaUzed in history. How many private 
 instances of this sanctified Influence are there, 
 unknown to the world, but recorded ' in the 
 book of God's remembrance.' And if, my 
 sisters, your example succeeds in the conver- 
 sion of a husband from irrellglon, shall it not 
 be effectual to reclaim him from inferior mis- 
 takes and improprieties ? Shall it not advance 
 godliness, where it is already found ? warm 
 it, where it is chilled ? polish it, where it is 
 rough ? and finish it, where it is outline ? 
 
 And how is all this to be accomplished ? 
 Not by eccentric efforts ; not by starting out 
 of your sphere, but by exemplifying religion 
 as you move orderly in it ; not by preaching, 
 but by living ; addressing the eye rather than 
 the ear ; employing the eloquence which flows 
 from subjection, conversation, chastity and fear ; 
 the manner in which you adorn yourselves ; 
 the models you design to imitate. 
 
 1. Nothing will increase your influence, 
 and secure your usefulness, more than ' being 
 in SUBJECTION to your own husbands.' This
 
 OP HUSBANDS AND WIVES. ' 65 
 
 must, doubtless, be limited and qualified. If 
 the demands of a husband oppose the will of 
 God, you are pre-engaged by a law of univer- 
 sal operation, and ' ought to obey God rath- 
 er than man.' In other cases, perhaps, it 
 will not be so easy to furnish exceptions. 
 'Therefore, as the church is subject unto 
 Christ, so let the wives be to their own hus- 
 bands in every thing.' 
 
 There is a general rule, the spirit of which 
 would easily settle every relative claim : ' sub- 
 mitting yourselves one to another in the fear 
 of God.' But it cannot be denied, that a pe- 
 culiar subjection is in the scriptures required 
 of the wife ; not indeed the submission of 
 slaves to their masters, or of subjects to their 
 sovereign, or even of children to a father. It 
 has more of equality in it ; accords with the 
 idea of a helper, companion, friend ; springs 
 originally from choice ; and is acquiesced in 
 for the sake of propriety and advantage. For 
 none of the determinations of God are capri- 
 cious : all are founded in reason, and all are 
 designed to promote both individual and social 
 welfare. In this regulation, has God acted
 
 66 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 partially ? Has he sacrificed the happiness of 
 the woman to the dignity of the man ? Has 
 he not equally regarded the interest of the 
 wife, the children, and the connexions ? In 
 all communities, whether more or less exten- 
 sive, there can be no happiness without peace, 
 no peace without order, no order without sub- 
 ordination, no subordination without subjection. 
 Perpetual strife would originate from equality, 
 or contested superiority. Numberless con- 
 tentions would arise, from diversity of views, 
 from difference of temper, and perverse adher- 
 ence to opposite plans, destroying the harmony 
 and tranquillity of families. The only method 
 by which these disorders can be either pre- 
 cluded or removed, is by establishing pre-emi- 
 nence and authority, and enjoining submission 
 and acquiescence. This being indispensably 
 necessary, the only question is. Where shall 
 the power of decision be lodged ? 
 
 From many considerations, expressive of 
 the divine will, the scripture assigns this pre- 
 rogative to the man. Witness the priority of 
 his creation : ' For Adam was first formed, 
 then Eve.' Witness the manner in which he
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 67 
 
 derived his being : 'The man is not of the 
 woman, but the woman of the man.' Witness 
 his destiny : ' For the man was not created 
 for the woman, but the woman for the man.' 
 ' And the Lord said, it is not good for man to 
 be alone ; I will make him a help meet for 
 him.' Wimess his relation : ' The man is 
 the image and glory of God, but the woman 
 is the glory of the man.' Witness the entrance 
 of sin : ' Adam was not deceived, but the wo- 
 man being deceived, was in the transgression.' 
 Witness the malediction denounced upon the 
 woman : ' Thy desire shall be to thy husband, 
 and he shall rule over thee.' Tliere was 
 nothing originally like a curse in this demand. 
 In Paradise, nothing oppressive or unreason- 
 able, would have appeared in the requisition : 
 and nothing mortifying, would have attended 
 the performance. But the fall has shed the 
 poison — sin has rendered it irksome. The 
 woman is disinclined to obey, while the man 
 is often absurd in his designs, capricious in his 
 temper, tyrannical in his claims, and degrading 
 in his authority. But, my sisters, while you 
 have reason, much reason to complain j re-
 
 68 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 member, it is the consequence of sin, the sin 
 of your own sex. Turn the curse into a 
 blessing ; derive real honour from seeming 
 disgrace. You cannot dispense with this sub- 
 jection, without opposing the express will of 
 God, and violating the laws of marriage to 
 which you have acceded by a voluntary en- 
 gagement, and promised obedience in a man- 
 ner the most solemn. 
 
 2. Much depends upon your ' conversa- 
 tion.' By this you are to understand all your 
 behaviour, the whole course of your lives. 
 Little is to be done by a single action, or an 
 individual solitary excellence, while other things 
 in the character, so far from aiding its impres- 
 sions, counteract its tendency, or mar its effects. 
 There is a connexion between duties and vir- 
 tues : they enliven and enforce, they sustain 
 and recommend each other. The strength 
 of this moral chain to draw, depends upon the 
 concatenation of the links ; and the force of 
 this spiritual beauty to strike and captivate, 
 results from the union, harmony, and propor- 
 tion of all the lineaments. One handsome 
 feature, all surrounded with ugliness, would
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. G9 
 
 excite disgust, or render deformity the more 
 observable. 
 
 3. Your conversation is to be always dis- 
 tinguished by ' CHASTITY and fear,' and 
 these are to be ' coupled.' How natural, 
 how necessary the alliance 1 
 
 The apostle deems it needless to descend 
 to the grossness of vice, or actual infractions of 
 the marriage covenant. He would intimate, 
 that where there are no such infamous degra- 
 dations in your sex, there may be an audacity 
 of countenance, a boldness of look, a levity of 
 discourse, a freedom of manners, a forwardness 
 of behaviour, a challenging, obtrusive, advanc- 
 ing air — very unbecoming the sacred decorum 
 which should appear in all the female charac- 
 ter. He therefore requires ' fear.' It intends 
 the reverse of every thing seen in too many 
 of our modern females — diffidence, bashful- 
 ness ; the blushings of reserve ; the tremulous 
 retiring of modesty ; the sensation which arises 
 from the union of innocency and danger ; the 
 carefulness which leads you to ' avoid the ap- 
 pearance of evil ;' the apprehension, that to 
 be suspected is almost as bad as to be guilty ;
 
 TO THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 the prudence which keeps you far, veiy far 
 from the extremities of permission ; the vigil- 
 ance which discerns and announces danger, 
 while yet a great way off; the caution that 
 never suffers the outguards to be called in, or 
 the enemy to approach even near enough to 
 reconnoitre. This, my fair hearers, will diffuse 
 a glory over you, wdiich never fails to charm, 
 and upon ail the glory will be a defence. 
 
 4. Much depends on the manner in which 
 you adorn yourselves ; whether you appear 
 the votaries of vanity ; or prize your souls ; 
 improve your minds ; and govern your tem- 
 pers. ' Whose ADORNING, let it not be that 
 outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of 
 wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel : 
 but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in 
 that which is not corruptible ; even the orna- 
 ment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in 
 the sight of God of great price.' 
 
 The sex which rendered clothing necessary, 
 has always been too much disposed to glory 
 in the memorial of our shame. Women have 
 not the same mediums of address with men. 
 They must succeed by means more silent and
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 71 
 
 disguised. Discovery would often frustrate 
 intention. They know their force Hes in their 
 beauty, and seize dress as an auxihary ; they 
 increase natural attractions by artificial assist- 
 ance. ^ Can a maid forget her ornaments, or 
 a bride her attire ?' 
 
 Peter knows what is too characteristical in 
 the sex. What he despairs to alter, he labours 
 to improve. Women must be fine ; will 
 be fine. He indulges them ; only turning 
 their attention from external decoration to in- 
 ternal accomplishment. Not that he forbids 
 a proper attention to the body. Nothing can 
 be so despicable and disgusting as a slattern ; 
 though it has been remarked, that a propensity 
 to it, is often found connected with a love of 
 finery. The body is the work of God ; the 
 structure is ' fearfully and wonderfully made.' 
 It is a part of our nature, but it is the inferior 
 part ; and this should regulate the degree of 
 attention. A woman of good sense, will al- 
 ways possess a better standard of dress in her 
 own taste, than is to be derived from any pre- 
 cise rules. 
 
 She will avoid whatever would appear light
 
 72 THE MUTUi\L DUTIES 
 
 and wanton. The apparel of ' a woman pro- 
 fessing godliness,' should not be the attire of a 
 woman of the world, much less, ' the attire of 
 a harlot.' Females sometimes wear a label, 
 on which indecency and indelicacy are wTitten, 
 and then appear to be offended because ob- 
 servers can read. I w^ould not always infer 
 too much of the disposition from these outv/ard 
 hints, but in the name of a blush, on w^hat 
 principle can we explain the invention or 
 adoption of certain modes ? — I describe nothing. 
 She will beware of exceeding her rank, and 
 her circumstances, or even of reducing her 
 means of beneficence. Shall I here avail 
 myself of the season ? How many miserable 
 objects are there around you ! What an insult 
 on the wretchedness of the times, is the dress 
 of many extravagant females ! My fair hear- 
 ers, escape this censure. Remember Dorcas ; 
 enter yonder ' upper chamber ;' see the ' wid- 
 ows standing and weeping, and showing the 
 coats and garments which she made while she 
 w^as with them.' What will afford you most 
 pleasure w^hen you come to die, the recollec- 
 tion of the property you employed in clothing
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 73 
 
 the naked, or of that which you expended on 
 costly folly ? What satisfaction, resulting from 
 the applause of finery, can equal the joy of 
 benevolence that a female feels, while moving 
 among the tears, prayers, and benedictions of 
 gratitude ? ' When the ear heard me, then it 
 blessed me ; and when the eye saw me, it 
 gave witness unto me.' 
 
 She will keep it from engrossing too much 
 of the mind ; she will not suffer it to be either 
 her business or delight ; she will not render 
 herself responsible at the bar of God for the 
 awful waste of hours, week, months, shall I 
 add, years ! detached from a life as short as it 
 is important, and the whole of which ought to 
 be redeemed ! 
 
 The apostle speaks comparatively. He 
 would teach women that they have souls ; 
 that they are made capable of greater beauty 
 than the body yields ; that they ought to 
 adorn the mind ; that their endeavours to dec- 
 orate their persons should be infinitely surpassed 
 by their attention to intellectual accomplish- 
 ments ; that they should be ambitious of moral 
 endowments, and above all things, pay an 
 7
 
 74 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 attention to the ^ heart.' For what are tal- 
 ents unsanctlfied ? ' Knowledge pufFeth up,' 
 but ' charity edifieth.' What are notions the 
 most sublime, and sentiments the most admir- 
 ed, if the disposition be not under the bias of 
 religion ? How defective will the w^hole figure 
 appear, without ' the ornament of a meek and 
 QUIET SPIRIT ?' What so unsightly, so odious, 
 as a discontented, fretliil, foaming, boisterous, 
 scolding woman ? ' A continual dropping in 
 a very rainy day, and a contentious woman 
 are alike.' * It is better to dwell in the corner 
 of a house-top than with a brawling woman in 
 a wide house.' ^ It is better to dwell in the 
 wilderness than with a contentious and an an- 
 gry woman. Whoso hideth her, hideth the 
 wind, and the ointment of his right hand, that 
 bewTayeth itself.' The Graces were female : 
 so were the Furies too. Much depends on 
 the cultivation of the mind ; more on the reg- 
 ulation of the temper. The necessity of this 
 qualification, in family connexion, is inconceiv- 
 able. In manacrino: the concerns of a house- 
 hold, how many things will perpetually arise 
 to disappoint, to ruffle, to unhinge, to vex, and
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 75 
 
 to provoke ! These require the command of 
 temper. And there are wives, and there are 
 wives in this assembly, who in ' patience pos- 
 sess their souls ;' who can feel, but retain their 
 composure ; who can calmly remonstrate, but 
 know not to insist ; who can yield and accom- 
 modate ; who are ^ not easily provoked,' but 
 ' easily entreated ;' who are disposed rather to 
 endure than complain ; and to suffer in secret, 
 rather than disturb others with their grief. 
 
 Suffer me then, my fair hearers, to recom- 
 mend this exchange, this preference of dec- 
 oration. Like ' the king's daughter, be all 
 glorious within.' Let the Bible be the mirror 
 at which you dress ; and while others are 
 weightily engaged in catching a fashion, or 
 adjusting a curl, let the object of your cultiva- 
 tion be the understanding, the memory, the 
 will, the affections, the conscience. Let no 
 part of this internal creation be unadorned: 
 let it sparkle with the diamonds of wisdom, of 
 prudence, of humility, of gentleness. These 
 ornaments alone will confer dignity, and pre- 
 pare for usefulness. If destitute of these, can 
 you imagine it possible to obtain real, durable
 
 76 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 regard ? Need you be told, that these skin- 
 deep perfections, those exterior, senseless ap- 
 pendages, imply no excellency in the wearer, 
 and are only admired by the weak, or the 
 worthless ? Are you ignorant that men often 
 despise a soul lodged in a form they adore, 
 and admire nonsense, because it is poured from 
 handsome lips ? Are you designed for toys, 
 or rational beings ? the playthings of the senses, 
 or improving companions ? Would you in 
 company keep your husbands on thorns, while 
 they wish you to be seen, and hope you will 
 not be heard ; knowing how much more likely 
 you are to strike by the quality and pattern of 
 your robes, than by the insipidity and inanity 
 of your discourse ? Adorn yourselves in the 
 newest mode, in the richest attire, plait your 
 hair, deck yourselves with pearls — will these 
 render you valuable ? Will these qualify you 
 to manage the concerns of a family, ' to give 
 a portion to your maidens,' to train up your 
 children in wisdom and virtue, to be a help 
 meet for your husband ! What ! are you 
 endued with reason and immortality, only to 
 be enamoured with a piece of embroidery, or
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 77 
 
 to pay your devotions to the colour of silk ? 
 Are you sublimely resolved never, never to 
 leave the world of fans, and enter the region 
 of intelligence and of mind ? 
 
 These decorations are ' not corruptible.' 
 All other ornaments ' perish in the using.' All 
 other attire gives place to the shroud. ' Beauty 
 consumes away like a moth ;' the sparkling 
 eye * is closed in darkness ;' the body is ' laid 
 in the grave ; death shall feed upon it.' The 
 charmer, looking in vain for admirers, says ' to 
 corruption, Thou art my father : to the worm, 
 Thou art my mother and my sister.' Prolong 
 life. Accidents may disfigure, and diseases 
 corrode. How quickly time changes the coun- 
 tenance ! How transient the empire of colours 
 and of tints ! How soon wrinkles and gaudy 
 attire disagree ! Having laid in no stock of 
 mental influence, and sober entertainment 
 against the evil day, what becomes of these 
 delightful creatures ? A few years reduce 
 them to insignificance, leaving them only the 
 humiliating claims of pity, or the uncertain 
 returns of gratitude. But an accomplished, 
 pious w^oman, can never be the object of ne-
 
 78 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 gleet ; she will attract notice, and confer hap- 
 piness, even when descending into the vale of 
 years. The ravages of time cannot reach the 
 soul : death cannot strip off the habits of im- 
 mortality : it will only change her ' from glory 
 to glory :' only remove her from earth, un- 
 worthy of continuance, and place her among 
 ' the innumerable company of angels.' 
 
 In adorning ourselves, the opinion of others 
 is very influential ; especially if the admirers 
 discover taste, possess sway, or can give law 
 to fashion. This decoration 'is in the sight 
 GF God of great price.' ' Not' she ' who 
 commendeth herself is approved, but whom 
 the Lord commendeth.' What is ' the hon- 
 our that Cometh from man ?' How wavering, 
 how vain, how debasing ! But ' the honour 
 that Cometh from God only,' is purifying, sat- 
 isfying, enduring. It is impossible to feel a 
 complacency in ourselves, while conscious that 
 we are disesteemed by a Being of infinite wis- 
 dom, excellency, and goodness. His ' judg- 
 ment is always according to truth.' ' In his 
 favour is life ;' on his applause our happiness 
 depends ; and in vain we approach him with
 
 OP HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 79 
 
 any of those distinctions which dazzle and de- 
 ceive mankind ; for ' the Lord taketh plea- 
 sure' only ' in them that fear him, in them that 
 hope in his mercy.' 
 
 5. Much depends on the models you 
 choose for imitation. The apostle would have 
 you conform, not to the flutterers of fashion, 
 not to the triflers of a day, who live only to 
 please, and derive all their consequence from 
 vanity ; but an illustrious company of female 
 worthies, who drew towards them the eye of 
 God, who served their generation according to 
 his will, who obtained a distinguished place in 
 the annals of inspiration, whose names have 
 been long glorified, and will be ' had in ever- 
 lasting remembrance.' 'A gracious woman 
 retaineth honour.' ^ Favour is deceitful and 
 beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the 
 Lord, she shall be praised : give her of the 
 fruit of her hand, and let her own works praise 
 her in the gates.' ' For after this manner in 
 the old time, the holy women also who trusted 
 in God adorned themselves, being in subjection 
 to their own husbands : even as Sarah obeyed 
 Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters
 
 80 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid 
 with any amazement.' The honour of this 
 aUiance awaits you, however inferior in talents, 
 however obscure in your stations, however 
 poor in your circumstances, here is a passage, 
 by which you may obtain a place in this glori- 
 ous assembly, and sit down by the side of a 
 Lydia, a Mary, a Hannah, a Deborah, a Sarah, 
 *in the kingdom of God.' For by what are 
 these pious women distinguished ? By excel- 
 lencies which fall within the reach of general 
 imitation : by preferring the soul to the body ; 
 by meekness and gentleness ; by modesty and 
 reserve ; by a ready submission to the demands 
 of their stations. Thus Sarah, though of the 
 same family with her husband, and dis- 
 tinguished by peculiar honours, never rose 
 above the most humble duties of her situation ; 
 never suffered even the princess, to injure the 
 wife ; and, willingly yielded Abraham rever- 
 ence and obedience. 
 
 But in all these instances, you will never 
 ' do well,' and become the ' daughters' of Sa- 
 rah, unless you maintain a holy magnanimity ; 
 
 ^ NOT BEING AFRAID WITH ANY AMAZEMENT*
 
 OF HUSBAxXDS AND WIVES. 81 
 
 — SO as to be staggered, confounded, dismayed, 
 in the course of prescribed duty. There can 
 be no impartial obedience, or unwavering peru- 
 se verance in religion, without courage and 
 confidence. The man needs it, the woman 
 needs it : the husband requires it, and the wife 
 equally requires it. It w^ould be rendered still 
 more necessary, were a period to arrive, in 
 wdiich every airy speculation would be prefer^ 
 red to practice ; things important, because plain 
 and of old standing, w^ould be lightly esteemed ; 
 and nothing would strike, nothing be relished, 
 unless dressed up in novelty, and seasoned 
 with extravagance. Such, my female friends, 
 is the period in which we live* Many of the 
 things which we have been recommending on 
 sacred ground, would be considered as barba^ 
 rous notions, as ignorance of the world, preju-^ 
 dices which philosophy would cure, the airs of 
 hypocrisy, the effects of prudishness. Can 
 you form yourselves by these rules ? Can you 
 encounter opinion ? Can you bear the charge 
 of singularity ? Can you abandon the multi-. 
 tude, laughing or lampooning as you retire } 
 Can you live according to the dictates of rea^ 
 8
 
 82 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 son, of conscience, and of God ? Be principled 
 — be decided — be resolved — be firm. Hav- 
 ing formed your views in the divine presence, 
 and feeling all your motives, go forth, and be 
 steadfast and unmoveable, in the execution ; 
 
 * always abounding in the work of the Lord.' 
 
 There is another instance in which these 
 pious women exercised confidence — depend- 
 ing on the providence of God, staying them- 
 selves by faith on his promises ; and thus 
 looking forward with a firm, unruffled mind 
 towards those trying, painful, perilous events 
 which were expected to befall them. The 
 scripture, with its usual tenderness, furnishes 
 the woman with this soothing, tranquillizing 
 hope, in prospect of a season the most anxious, 
 
 * Notwithstanding she shall be saved in child- 
 birth, if they continue in faith and charity, and 
 holiness, with sobriety.' 
 
 II. Men and Brethren, you have been 
 hearing my address to the companions of your 
 lives. But 1 hope you deem instruction equal- 
 ly necessary for yourselves. I hope you are 
 not inclined to take advantage of the subject,
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 83 
 
 to abuse your authority or your claims. Be 
 assured they are not unquahfied. If the wife 
 is to be governed by you, you are to be gov- 
 erned by reason and religion. If she is to 
 submit, you are to honour. If in some things 
 there is a difference, in others, and those too 
 the most interesting and durable, there is an 
 equality.* ' Likewise, ye husbands, dwell 
 with them according to knovvledge, giving 
 honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker ves- 
 sel ; and as being heirs together of the grace 
 of life ; that your prayers be not hindered.' 
 Observe, my brethren, 1st, the representation 
 of your duty ; and 2dly, the motives by which, 
 it is enforced. 
 
 The representation of your duty compre- 
 hends two things. 
 
 1. You are to ' dwell with them accord- 
 ing TO KNOWLEDGE.' This intends nothinor 
 less than residence, opposed to absence and 
 roving. It is absurd for those who have no 
 prospect of cohabitation to enter this state, and 
 those who are already in it, should not be 
 unnecessarily abroad. Circumstances of vari- 
 ous kinds will doubdess render occasional ex-
 
 84 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 cursions unavoidable ; but let a man return as 
 soon as the design of his absence is accom- 
 plished, and let him always travel with the 
 words of Solomom in his mind, ' As a bird 
 that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that 
 wandereth from his place.' Can a man, while 
 fi'om home, discharge the duties he owes to 
 his household ? Can he discipline histhildren ? 
 Can he maintain the worship of God in his 
 family ? 1 know it is the duty of the wife to 
 lead the devotion in the absence of the hus- 
 band ; and she should take it up as a cross, if 
 not for the time as a privilege. Few however 
 are thus disposed, and hence one of the sanc- 
 tuaries of God, for weeks and months together, 
 is shut up. I am sorry to say, there are some 
 husbands who seem fonder of any society than 
 the company of their wives. It appears in 
 the disposal of their leisure hours. How few 
 of these are appropriated to the wife ! The 
 evenings are the most domestic periods of the 
 day. To these the wife is peculiarly entitled ; 
 she is now most free from her numerous cares, 
 and most at liberty to enjoy reading and con- 
 versation. It is a sad reflection upon a man
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 85 
 
 when he is fond of spending his evenings 
 abroad. It implies something bad, and it pre- 
 dicts something worse. 
 
 But though the apostle intends nothing less 
 than residence, he designs much more. Res- 
 idence is required with a view to the perform- 
 ance of all the duties of the state, and is used 
 to express them. In the discharge of these 
 obligations, the husband is to act ' according to 
 knowledge,' to ' behave' himself ' wisely,' to 
 regulate all his proceedings by a holy discre- 
 tion. O ye husbands, show that you are ca- 
 pable of the relation in which you are placed ! 
 If you will be the head, remember the head 
 is not only the seat of government, but of 
 knowledge. If you will have the management 
 of the ship, see that a fool is not placed at the 
 helm. Shall the blind offer themselves as 
 guides ? To enable you to live as a Christian 
 husband, in how many instances will the exer- 
 cise of an enlightened prudence be found nec- 
 essary ! By this you are to ascertain the 
 temper, the excellencies, the foible of your 
 associates. This is to teach you, how to ac- 
 commodate. This is to show you, when to
 
 86 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 see as if you saw not, and to hear as if you 
 heard not. This is to tell you how to extin- 
 guish the torch of discord ; how even to pre- 
 vent the kindling of strife ; when to give up, 
 when to recede from a lawful claim for the 
 sake of a greater good. This is to teach you 
 also, when you are not to yield. Adam, to 
 indulge the solicitation of his wife, disobeyed 
 the commands of Heaven. By the same soft, 
 seducing instrumentality, the heart of Solomon 
 was turned aside from God. Their sad ex- 
 amples have been unhappily, too often follow- 
 ed. But, w^ould she force upon you her 
 antipathies ; would she embroil you in all the 
 resentments of caprice, or rivalry ; would she 
 allure you towards scenes of dissipation and 
 gaiety ; would she urge you to extravagance 
 in appearances, dress, table, furniture ; would 
 she chill you with suspicions, and render you 
 less generous ; the importunity of woman, 
 ' lovely w^oman,' is to be in vain. ' He that 
 loveth' even ' his wife more than me, is not 
 worthy of me.' 
 
 2dly. You are to ' give honour unto the 
 wife.' — What honour ?
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 87 
 
 The honour of esteem. This is to arise 
 from a consciousness of her worth, and a 
 knowledge of her importance in the communi- 
 ty, in the family, and to yourselves, by polish- 
 ing your character, dividing your cares, soothing 
 your sorrows, affording you in a peaceful home 
 a refuge from the storm, an asylum from the 
 mortifications of an unfriendly world. 
 
 The honour of attachment. This affec- 
 tion is to be peculiar, undivided, unrivalled. 
 Nothing is to wear it away, nothing to diminish 
 it : no length of time, no discovery of imper- 
 fection. Children are parts of yourselves, but 
 your wives are yourselves. ' No man ever 
 yet hated his own flesh :' but many a monster 
 has done so. I disdain to notice those miscre- 
 ants, who can have recourse to blows ; but 
 those who can indulge in a churlishness of 
 behaviour, a sharpness of language, an unkind- 
 ness of looks, would do well to consider how 
 far they are complying with the divine com- 
 mand, ' Husbands, love your wives, and be 
 not bitter against them.' 
 
 The honour of attention. Nothing is so 
 intolerable to a female as neglect ; and upon
 
 88 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 what principle can a man justify indifference, 
 Omissions of observance, and heedless manners 
 towards a wife ? Has he not chosen her ? 
 Has he not declared his preference ? Are not 
 the vows of God upon him ? Is she not the 
 chief relation he possesses on earth ? 
 
 The honour of confidence. You are not 
 to proceed without their knowledge and advice. 
 In many cases their opinion may be preferable 
 to your own. Their judgment may be less 
 clouded by interest: they stand back from 
 the object, you are too near ; they are cool 
 and calm, you, by being in the scene, are 
 ruffled, and inflamed. An eminent minister 
 of the gospel has published to the world, ' That 
 he had never in any particular business acted 
 contrary to the suggestions of his wife, without 
 having reason afterwards to repent of it.' I 
 believe there are many who are restrained from 
 similar acknowledgments only by a want of 
 candor. Some husbands never consult their 
 wives ; or even deign to inform them : and 
 their wives have often to learn from others, or 
 from events, things in which perhaps they are 
 most deeply concerned.
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 89 
 
 The honour of maintenance. You are to 
 provide for them, and enable them to appear 
 becoming their rank and situation in life. What 
 can we think of the man who squanders away 
 his substance upon his lewd or his drunken 
 appetites, reduces his wife to a drudge, and 
 suffers her with her babes to struo^crle with the 
 hardships of penury, unable to procure a suffi- 
 ciency of food, or raiment ? ' If any provide 
 not for his own, and especially for those of his 
 own house, he hath denied the faith, and is 
 worse than an infidel.' 
 
 The honour of benevolence. You are to 
 enable her to do good. Every man should 
 devote a proportion of his property to charita- 
 ble uses, and he should not by his distribution 
 of the whole, draw towards himself all the 
 regards of the relieved and obhged. His wife 
 should command a share of the means and of 
 the honour. Husbands ! give your wives 
 ttiose proofs of regard wiiich reason and reve- 
 lation demand for them, and we shall soon hear 
 less of your reflections and complaints. 
 
 Observe, 2dl}^ the motives by which this 
 duty is enforced. They are three.
 
 90 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 The first is taken from the natural condition 
 of the sex. ' She is the weaker vessel.' 
 If this be mentioned as a reason to excite a 
 becoming behaviour towards the wife, there 
 can be nothing in the expression degrading, 
 nothing that tends to diminish the honour 
 we are bound to show them, nothing that is 
 not adapted, when properly considered, to 
 promote it. No invidious comparisons are 
 here justified between the powers of the mind. 
 Whether there would be any disparity, were 
 females placed in the same circumstances, in- 
 dulged with the same advantages, and allowed 
 to feel the same motives with their brethren, 
 it would be needless to determine. They 
 have taken good care often to prove, that the 
 difference is not so vast as some male monop- 
 olists are willing to suppose. The reference 
 is obvious and striking. Nature is ahvays wise. 
 It gives more strength where it is necessary, 
 and less, where other qualities supersede if. 
 Milton has finely expressed the difference in 
 the original pair : 
 
 'For contemplation he and valour form'd, 
 J'or softness she and sweet attractive grace,'
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 91 
 
 Her bodily strength is inferior, her consti- 
 tution less firm and vigorous, her frame more 
 tender, her temper more yielding, her circum- 
 stances more generally depressing. A rose, a 
 lily, allows of no rough usages. Tenderness 
 demands gentleness : delicacy, care : pliancy, 
 props. Has a condition fewer resources, and 
 is there much in it of the afflictive and. hum- 
 bling ? The more does it need succour, and 
 the more necessary is every assistance to main- 
 tain and increase the consequence of it, espe- 
 cially where so much depends upon the re- 
 spectability of the character who fills it. Where 
 is the man who is not alive to this consideration ? 
 Where is the husband, who, reflecting on her 
 peculiar circumstances, would not be disposed 
 by every possible means to promote the dig- 
 nity, and the satisfaction of a wife ? What is 
 the language of these circumstances ? ' Honour 
 us ; deal kindly with us. From many of the 
 opportunities, and means by which you procure 
 favourable notice, we are excluded. Doomed 
 to the shades, few of the high places of the 
 earth are open to us. Alternately we are 
 adored, and oppressed. From our slaves, you
 
 92 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 become our tyrants. You feel our beauty, and 
 avail yourselves of our weakness. You com- 
 plain of our inferiority, but none of your beha- 
 viour bids us rise. Sensibility has given us a 
 thousand feelings, which nature has kindly 
 denied you. Always under restraints, we have 
 little liberty of choice. Providence seems to 
 have been more attentive to enable us to con- 
 fer happiness, than to enjoy it. Every con- 
 dition has for us fresh mortifications ; every 
 relation, new sorrows. We enter social bonds ; 
 it is a system of perpetual sacrifice. We 
 cannot give life to others, without hazarding 
 our own. We have sufferings which you do 
 not share, cannot share. If spared, years, and 
 decays invade our charms, and much of the 
 ardour produced by attraction departs with it. 
 We may die. The grave covers us, and we 
 are soon forgotten : soon are the days of your 
 mourning ended, soon is our loss repaired ; 
 dismissed even from your speech, our name is 
 to be heard no more ; a successor may dislike 
 it. Our children, after having a mother by 
 nature, may fall under the control of a mother 
 by affinity, and be mortified by distinctions
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 93 
 
 made between them, and her own offspring. 
 Though the duties which we have discharged 
 invariably, be the most important and neces- 
 sary, they do not shine : they are too common 
 to strike : they procure no celebrity : the wife, 
 the mother, fills no historic page. Our priva- 
 tions, our confinements, our wearisome days, 
 our interrupted, our sleepless nights, the hours 
 we have hung in anxious watchings over your 
 sick and dying offspring.' 
 
 Behold a second motive. It is derived from 
 the dignity of the wife as a mutual partaker of 
 the privileges of the gospel. No inequality 
 reigns here. It is a ' common salvation.' Are 
 you, O man, an ' heir of the grace of life ?' 
 So are they ; heirs together with you, in 
 the same degree, having the same claims, the 
 same hopes, the same reversions. ' There is 
 neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond 
 nor free, there is neither male nor female ; for 
 ye are all one in Christ Jesus.' Can a woman 
 be an infidel? What self-degradation I Need 
 she be told her obligations to Christianity ? 
 What has raised her so high in the scale of 
 importance ? What system has done such
 
 94 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 justice to her claims ? In what country have 
 the provisions of legislation lost sight of the 
 distinction of male and female ; looked at both 
 with the same aspect, rendered the one as 
 personally responsible as the other, and entitled 
 them equally to the same rights and privileges ? 
 When a woman steps on this sacred ground, 
 she becomes free ; she is her own ; she is a 
 party, she treats for hiCrself. Here, my sisters, 
 your reproach is rolled away. We see one of 
 your sex bringing forth ' ImmaiNuel, God with 
 us.' We see the angels of heaven bringing 
 you messages, and performing for you miracles. 
 We see you last at the cross, and first at the 
 tomb of our common Lord. We see Jehovah 
 listening to your supplications, and maintaining 
 your cause. We see you 'the daughters 
 of the Lord Almighty.' We see you redeemed 
 with an infinite price, destined to possess a 
 'far more exceeding and eternal weight of 
 glory,' and hastening to partake of a resurrec- 
 tion in which they ' neither marry nor are 
 given in marriage, but are as the angels of 
 God in heaven.' 
 
 A third reason is drawn from those devo-
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 95 
 
 tlonal exercises which cannot be properly per- 
 formed where relative duty is not observed : 
 ' That your prayers be not hindered.' It is 
 impossible for a Christian to live without prayer. 
 He prays alone, and he prays with others. The 
 field, the temple, the closet, the family, are with 
 him places ' where prayer is wont to be made.' 
 How necessary is prayer in the marriage 
 state ! How does social devotion sweeten 
 social life ! It obtains strength for its duties, 
 and succour for its trials. It gives a direction 
 to the mind, by which we escape numberless 
 snares ; an elevation, by which we rise above 
 a thousand vexations. How it sanctifies our 
 comforts ! How it prepares the soul for dis- 
 appointment or success ! How it calls down 
 the blessing of Heaven to ' attend the labour 
 of our hand !' How it attracts the divine 
 presence, and places Him within our reach 
 ' who is nigh unto all them that call upon him ; 
 to all that call upon him in tmth.' Of a pray- 
 erful habitation it may be said. How glorious 
 is this place ! ' This is none other than the 
 house of God, and this is the gate of heaven !' 
 ' The voice of reioicinor and of salvation is in
 
 96 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 the tabernacles of the righteous.' O happy 
 mansion ! where all the members of the family 
 * dwell together in unity ;' living with each 
 other here, as those who expect to be associ- 
 ates forever ; maintaining a friendship, the 
 centre of which is religion, the duration of 
 which is eternity, the bonds of which are ' faith 
 and love which are in Christ Jesus.' 
 
 Guard, therefore, against every thing inju- 
 rious to the service of God in your families. 
 Let nothing hinder its exercise. Let nothing 
 prevent its fervour. Let nothing destroy its 
 freedom. Let nothing frustrate its efficacy. 
 Let nothing limit, or even delay its success. 
 Let your whole conversation be consistent with 
 devotion, or preparatory to it. Avoid what- 
 ever renders an introduction into the Divine 
 presence less easy, or less delightful. Keep 
 open a passage wide enough to advance to- 
 gether to the throne of grace. Go hand in 
 hand into his presence : ' Agree, touching the 
 things you shall ask, and it shall be done for 
 you of our heavenly Father.' 
 
 In reviewing the subject, I would beseech 
 you, my dear hearers, to remember, That
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 97 
 
 those who make hght of moral and relative 
 duties, contemn the will of God. ' He knows 
 what is in man,' and what is necessary to him. 
 Every condition lies open to his view. He 
 sees how things blend, and how they issue ; 
 how they oppose, or how they aid each other. 
 Though invisible to us, he sees the worm that 
 lies at the root of our social happiness : we 
 wonder at the effect, he sees the cause, and 
 would remove it. He has condescended to 
 speak : we have his judgment relative to ev- 
 ery station and relation in life. He speaks as 
 a sovereign who has authority to command, 
 and he speaks as a friend who consults your 
 welfare, and ' takes pleasure in the prosperity 
 of his servants.' 
 
 Again. We have reason to lament, that 
 there is such a general deficiency among pro- 
 fessors of religion, with regard to those duties 
 which they owe to each other. Many, to 
 show their love to the gospel, testify their in- 
 difference to the law. Numbers are too ortho- 
 dox, or too devotional, to be moral. Morality 
 is below their faith, or their raptures. Various 
 things their system has taught them ; but one> 
 9
 
 98 THE MUTUAL DUTIES 
 
 thing it has not taught them, one thing it does 
 not require them to learn — 'to deny all un- 
 godliness and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, 
 righteously, and godly in the present world.' 
 Shall ministers, by their silence, be accessary 
 to this corruption of manners, this awful per- 
 version of religion ? Let them ' affirm, con- 
 stantly, that they which have believed in God 
 must be careful to maintain good works. These 
 things are good and profitable unto men.' 
 
 Let those who stand already in the marriage 
 relation, be willing to know, and to practise 
 the duties w^hich spring from it. Enter, my 
 brethren and sisters, the temple of revelation ; 
 bov/ before the divine oracle ; say, ' Lord, 
 what wilt thou have me to do.' ' Speak, Lord, 
 for thy servant heareth.' Extract from the 
 scripture, the mind of God concerning your- 
 selves individually. Take home the words I 
 have been explaining. Read, compare, re- 
 solve, reform. Let not husbands take aw^ay 
 the duties of the wife, nor wives the duties of 
 the husband ; but let both take respectively 
 their own, and say, ' O that my feet were di- 
 rected to keep thy statutes.' ' I have chosen
 
 OF HUSBANDS AND TVIVES. 99 
 
 the way of truth, thy judgments have I laid 
 before me.' ' Through thy precepts 1 get 
 understandmg, therefore I hate every false 
 way.' ' I have sworn, and I will perform it, 
 that I will keep thy righteous judgments.' 
 
 Let the young think of this, and let it influ- 
 ence their choice. Let those think of it, who 
 are approaching this holy state. By many it 
 is totally overlooked ; and they contract mar- 
 riages on considerations purely accidental, or 
 worldly ; as if they wished to marry, not to 
 be happy ; to gain each other, not to enjoy. 
 Who forms this alliance as a Christian ? Who 
 enters it with those views and motives the 
 gospel supplies ? Who consults God in the 
 undertaking ? Who has the banns published 
 in heaven to ascertain what impediments are 
 pleaded there ? Thus persons are often un- 
 suitably bound together by an engagement, 
 which can only be dissolved by death, that 
 comes to release them from one prison, and 
 conduct them into another. 
 
 But may I not congratulate others ? My 
 beloved friends, in this important concern, you 
 have done nothing without asking counsel of
 
 100 DUTIES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES. 
 
 the Lord. By faith and prayer, I am per- 
 suaded you have engaged that Saviour who 
 was present at the marriage of Cana in GaU- 
 lee, to honour your approaching nuptials ; and 
 under tlie influence of his gracious Spirit, your 
 mutual affections shall increase with time, and 
 shine bright to all eternity. I look forward 
 and see you blessing and blessed. I see you 
 ' walking in all the commandments and ordi- 
 nances of the Lord blameless.' I see your 
 'children like olive-plants around your table.' 
 I see you endeavouring to form them into 
 characters, and to ' train them up in the nur- 
 ture and admonition of the Lord.' I see you 
 resigning each other with the feelings and 
 hopes of Christians. ' For this I say, the 
 time is short : It remaineth, therefore, that 
 both they that have wives, be as though they 
 had none ; and they that weep, as though 
 they wept not ; and they that rejoice, as 
 though they rejoiced not ; and they that buy, 
 as though they possessed not ; and they that 
 use this \^'Drld, as not abusing it : for the fash- 
 ion of this world passeth away ;' and you are 
 hastening from the altar to the tomb.
 
 WIFE'S ADVOCATE 
 
 A DISCOURSE, 
 
 PREACHED 
 
 ON A MARRIAGE OCCASION. 
 
 'Husbands, love your Wives, and be not bitter against them.' 
 
 ' Husbands, love your Wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, 
 
 and gave himself for it.' — PauZ. 
 ' True greatness is always tender and sympathising.' — Laualer.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 When the Author, if he may be excused a reference to himself, 
 quite a youth, first went to London, and was all anxiety to hear 
 the preachers of the fumed metropolis, he was told by a friend, 
 
 if he wished to hear a good doctrinal sermon, he must hear ; 
 
 if an experimental, he must hear ; and if a practical, he must 
 
 hear . And he well remembers simply asking, ' But is there no 
 
 minister here who preaches all these ? I should rather hear him. 
 
 This mode, he is conscious, he has always aimed and endeav- 
 oured to follow himself: and by this criterion he is willing to be 
 judged, not indeed by an occasional hearer, but by his regular and 
 constant attendants. The following discourse, therefore, is not 
 to be taken as a specimen of his preaching, but as apart; the pro- 
 priety and usefulness of which, are to be viewed in alliance with 
 other parts, and in harmony with the whole. 
 
 A minister, who, like Epaphras, would 'stand perfect anci 
 complete in all the will of God,' viust inculcate the relative duties. 
 
 And he will find his advantage in enforcing them connectedly. 
 Each party will the better receive — especially admonition and 
 reproof; when the corresponding party is addressed at the same 
 time, and in the same manner: because it will show that the 
 preacher has no private aim ; and is no respecter of persons. 
 
 The apostles invariably adopted this method. If they addressed 
 servants, they always addressed masters. If they exhorted chil- 
 dren, they always exhorted parents also. It was the same with 
 regard to the conjugal relations. 
 
 Bath, December 1, 1829.
 
 DISCOURSE. 
 
 Malachi ii. 13 — 15. 
 
 j?nrf thi? have ye done airain, covering the altar of the Lord with tears, 
 with weeping-, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not 
 the offering any more, or receiveth it with good-wiU at your hand. 
 Yet ye say. Wherefore 7 Because the Lord hath been loitness between 
 thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treach- 
 erously : yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 
 Jlnd did not he make one! Yet had he the residue of the Spirit. 
 And tcherefore onel That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore 
 take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously agaiiist the 
 wife of his youth. 
 
 It has been the lot of some very good men, 
 to live in very bad times. And this was the 
 case with Malachi. Even then, indeed, some 
 were found, ' who feared the Lord, and thought 
 upon his name.' And they were graciously 
 noticed and distinguished by him : ' They shall 
 be mine, saith the Lord of Hosts, in that day 
 when I shall make up my jewels ; and I will 
 spare them as a man spareth his own son that 
 serveth him.'
 
 J04 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 These, however, were only so many excep- 
 tions from the multitude ; and resembled a 
 few small luminaries, that serve to render the 
 darkness between, the more palpable. Ac- 
 cording to the language of our prophet, the 
 degeneracy was complete. From the crown 
 of the head to the soul of the foot, there was 
 no soundness. The young and the old ; the 
 rich and the poor ; rulers and subjects ; priests 
 and people, were all deeply revolted from God. 
 
 In such a corrupt state of society, the office 
 of a minister is not a very enviable, or easy 
 one. It is trying to censure and condemn ; 
 and he that is not faithful to his conscience 
 and commission, will fail under the trial, and 
 prophesy smooth things, because the multitude 
 love to have it so. But the man of God, 
 raised above the love of fame, and the dread 
 of frowns, will not shun ' to declare all the 
 counsel of God,' ' warning every man, and 
 teaching every man in all wisdom, that he may 
 present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.' 
 
 The connexions of life, the sources of so 
 much virtue and sin, happiness and misery j 
 are numerous and various ; and when properly
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 105 
 
 estimated, they are not to be judged of by their 
 publicity, and elevation, and splendor ; but by 
 the constancy of their influence, the extent of 
 their operation, and the importance of their 
 effects. The most ordinary relations, therefore, 
 are the most fundamental. These are the 
 DOMESTIC. Communities originate from fam- 
 ilies ; and depend upon them : and the quality 
 of the one must partake largely of the attributes 
 of the other. In religious concerns, it is not 
 too much to say, with Philip Henry, that ' a 
 man is really what he is relatively.' We are 
 aware that there is much of instinct in the 
 relative affections ; and that they do not strike 
 far into moral character. The existence of 
 them alone, is not a sufficient proof of piety. 
 But it is otherwise with the absence of them. 
 This is decisive evidence against a person. 
 If he is bad at home, he is bad every where. 
 If he is a bad father, and a bad husband, he 
 cannot be a good man. And, therefore, when 
 a very eminent minister was asked whether he 
 thought a certain individual was truly pious, 
 he replied, ^ I cannot tell — I never lived with 
 him.' 
 
 10
 
 106 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 Hence a preacher that would make full 
 proof of his ministry, must enter the scenery 
 of families, and inquire how matters stand be- 
 tween masters and servants ; parents and chil- 
 dren ; wives and husbands. 
 
 And it is here, we find Malachi. He is 
 dealing with the latter relationship ; and he 
 speaks boldly as he ought to speak : ' And 
 this have ye done again, covering the altar of 
 the Lord with tears, with weeping, and with 
 crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not 
 the offering any more, or receiveth it with 
 good-will at your hand. Yet ye say. Where- 
 fore ? Because the Lord hath been witness 
 between thee and the wife of thy youth, against 
 whom thou hast dealt treacherously : yet is 
 she thy companion, and the wife of thy cove- 
 nant. And did not he make one ? Yet had he 
 the residue of the Spirit. And wherefore one ? 
 That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore 
 take heed to your spirit, and let none deal 
 treacherously against the wife of his youth.' 
 
 Let us attend to four articles. 
 
 The subject of complaint. 
 
 The aggravation of the offence.
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 107 
 
 The CONDEMNATION OF THE TRANSGRES- 
 SOR. 
 
 The means of prevention. 
 
 I. The subject of complaint. The 
 charge is against unkind husbands ; and con- 
 sists in this — That they embittered the Hves 
 of those they ought to have loved and cher- 
 ished ; so that they caused them, when they 
 approached the sanctuary of God, instead of 
 rejoicing before him, as his service required, to 
 break forth into the most passionate expression^ 
 of grief. ' This have ye done, covering the 
 ahar of the Lord with tears, with weeping, and 
 with crying out.' 
 
 Who does not here call to mind the history 
 of Hannah ? ' And as she went to the house 
 of the Lord, so her adversary provoked her 
 much, for to make her fret, because the Lord 
 had shut up her womb. Therefore she wept 
 and did not eat — and she was in bitterness of 
 soul, and prayed unto the Lord, and wept 
 sore.' But you say, ' This was not occasioned 
 by Elkanah. He was an attached and an at- 
 tentive husband.' It is true, it was not occa-
 
 108 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 sioned by liim immediately; but it was so 
 really. Had Hannah been, as she ought to 
 have been, his only wife, the distress would 
 have been prevented ; and she would not 
 have found herself in alliance with a fellows- 
 wife, that delighted to insult and aggravate her 
 disappointment. 
 
 And you will observe, that this w'as one of 
 the ways, in which the husbands, here com- 
 plained of, converted the very devotion of their 
 wives into mourning, and made the altar of 
 God, not a place of gladness and praise, but 
 of refuge and appeal. They added to their 
 number ; and thus vexed and degraded their 
 wives, by reducing them from peace to a state 
 of contention ; from supremacy to jealousy 
 and rivalship ; from being the sole objects of 
 attraction, to share divided, diminished, preca- 
 rious regards. 
 
 Though polygamy had been long practised, 
 it w^as never justified. The very tolerance of 
 it, in every instance, showed most clearly and 
 strongly by the effects, that it was a deviation 
 from rectitude. That which is irreconcilable 
 to the welfare of domestic life, could never
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 109 
 
 obtain the approbation of Him who ordained 
 that state, not only for the purpose of purity, 
 but of peace and happiness. The evils arising 
 from the usage itself, therefore, had so far 
 checked it, that in Judea, at the time of. our 
 Saviour, we meet with no instances of it. It 
 was also forbidden among the Greeks and Ro- 
 mans. And this accounts, as Paley observes, 
 for our finding no particular enactment against 
 it in the New Testament ; but it is said, ' To 
 avoid fornication, let every man have his own 
 wife — not wives ; and let every wife have her 
 own husband.^ 
 
 The pleasure of God also appears in pro- 
 portioning the actual number of males and 
 females. There is, indeed, some little inequal- 
 ity in the birtlis of these ; but the fact strength- 
 ens the reasoning. If there are born more 
 males than females, by one in nineteen, the 
 level is restored by the superior casualties to 
 which the male sex is exposed ; and the bal- 
 ance remaining, allows but one woman to one 
 man. And what can show the will of God 
 more decisively than his conduct ? If we go 
 back to the beginning of the world, no con-
 
 110 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 ceivable reason can be given, why, if polygamy 
 was to be continued to the human race, it 
 should not have commenced with it. But 
 hear our prophet : ' And did not he make 
 one ?' One Eve for one Adam ? Adam even 
 in Paradise had one wife only. This oneness, 
 therefore, could not have been deemed a con- 
 finement, but a regulation becoming the most 
 perfect state. ' Yet had he the residue of the 
 Spirit ;' and could therefore have made an- 
 other partner as fair and lovely as Eve herself 
 was. '' And wherefore one ? That he might 
 seek a godly seed.' And where is such a pious 
 offspring likely to be found ? Can children 
 be brought up in the nurture and admonition 
 of the Lord, in the presence of the lawlessness 
 of one sex, and the debasement of the other ? 
 In the residence of oppression, sensuality, pas- 
 sion, artifice, hypocrisies ? In the midst of 
 divided and opposing interests, dissensions, 
 swellings, tumults ? ' Where envy and strife 
 is, there is confusion and every evil work.' 
 
 But another of the evils here reprobated, 
 was the putting away their wiv^es when they 
 chose to dislike them. Unless in one case,
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. HI 
 
 conceded by reason and revelation, the mar- 
 riage relation is indissoluble. Hence, says our 
 Saviour, in answer to the question of the Phar- 
 isees, ' Is it lawful for a man to put away his 
 wife for every cause ? Have ye not read, that 
 He who made them at the beginning, made 
 them male and female ; and said, For this 
 cause a man shall leave his father and mother, 
 and cleave to his wife ; and they twain shall 
 be one flesh ? What therefore God hath joined 
 together, let not man put asunder.' Upon 
 which they said unto him, ' Why then did 
 Moses command to give a writing of divorce- 
 ment, and to put her away ?' He said unto 
 them, ' Moses, because of the hardness of your 
 hearts, suffered you to put away your wives ; 
 but from the beginning it was not so. And I 
 say unto you, whosoever shall put away his 
 wife, except it be for fornication, and shall 
 marry another, committeth adultery : and who- 
 soever marrieth her which is put away, doth 
 commit adultery.' 
 
 This exception being made, ' The Lord 
 God of Israel saith, that he hateth putting 
 aw^ay.' Cases of hardship bearing peculiarly
 
 112 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 on individuals, will doubtless now and then 
 occur ; but such occasional evils are more than 
 compensated by the advantages of the limita- 
 tion. For we should consider what would be, 
 not the personal and immediate, but the gen- 
 eral and the ultimate tendency and effects of 
 larger permission. Whatever other reasons 
 for divorce were allowed, many would be sure 
 to live up to them ; and licentiousness would 
 soon also acquire yet more allowance. This 
 was seen in France. When, after the Revo- 
 lution, husbands were permitted to put away 
 their wives for unsuitableness of temper, mu- 
 tual dislike, perverseness, and other things ; 
 bad men availed themselves of every excuse 
 to disensase themselves from restraint ; and 
 dissoluteness and misery spread among thou- 
 sands, who would otherwise have been satisfied 
 with their condition. For people soon acqui- 
 esce in what they know to be unalterable ; and 
 their destiny, by habit, is easily moulded into 
 choice. They who are conscious that they 
 cannot separate, will feel that it is their mutual 
 interest to forbear, to give up, and to accom- 
 modate. To which we may add, that when
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE, 113 
 
 a connexion is formed for life, much more 
 prudence and care are likely to be exercised 
 in forming it, than if it were terminable at 
 pleasure. 
 
 We cannot be censured for these remarks. 
 Not only has cur subject brought them before 
 us ; but they are very worthy of our attention ; 
 and we cannot help observing, that the exclu- 
 sion of polygamy and the prohibition of divorce, 
 confining marriage to one pair, and rendering 
 the union indissoluble, have done more to 
 promote and secure the morals and welfare of 
 the community, than all the institutions, the 
 wisdom and goodness of legislators have ever 
 established. Nor can we be sufficiently thank- 
 ful, that in these important concerns, the laws 
 of our country fall in with the authority of God. 
 
 But though, in this highly favoured land, 
 neither of tliese modes of domestic persecution 
 is open to a husband ; there are many other 
 ways in which he may ' cover the altar of the 
 Lord with tears, and v/Ith weeping, and crying 
 out.' 
 
 He cannot safely take to himself more wives 
 than one. But to that one he may prove
 
 114 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 unfaithful ; and basely transfer to another, the 
 affection alone due to herself. 
 
 He cannot legally put away his wife. But 
 by oppressive and cruel, degrading and insult- 
 ing conduct, he may force her to withdraw ; 
 and then falsely plead and use the refusal to 
 live with him, which he himself designedly 
 produced. 
 
 I know not how to refer to bodily violence. 
 ' No man ever yet hated his own flesh, but 
 nourisheth and cherisheth it.' But is there a 
 brute in human shape ? Is there a wretch, 
 miscalled a husband, who is not ashamed to 
 execute what the preacher is ashamed even 
 to intimate ? 
 
 But every depth of disgrace, every exertion 
 of cruelty, is not necessary to break a tender 
 heart, or to crush a delicate spirit. He may 
 accomplish his work by studied neglect ; by 
 churlish manners ; by unkind language ; by 
 alienated or angry looks. A contemptuous 
 sneer will strike a death-chill into every feeling. 
 A bitter irony will sting like a scorpion, and 
 leave the deadly rankling behind. 
 
 He may reduce her to the mortification of
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 115 
 
 seeing him restless at home ; always anxious 
 to contrive or excuse absence, instead of dwell- 
 ing with her according to knowledge ; and fond- 
 er of any company than the society of his wife. 
 
 He may deprive her of her needful support 
 and comfort. And though she would patiently 
 and cheerfully share in the privations and dis- 
 tress brought on them by the providence of 
 God, she cannot but feel grievously the trial of 
 hardships and straits arising solely from idleness, 
 or drunkenness, or gaming, or licentiousness. 
 
 He may wound her, by withholding from 
 her the confidence required by the mutuality 
 and unity of the relation — a relation that al- 
 lows nothing to be concealed ; nothing to be 
 found out by search or accident. Yet it is not 
 a very uncommon trial for a wife, unapprised, 
 unprepared, to be plunged fi:om genteel life 
 into destitution and wo ; while she has been 
 censured for living in a style she would have 
 been the first to have reduced, had she divined 
 the event that rendered it a duty. 
 
 We cannot do justice to this part of our 
 subject. The causes of complaint are num- 
 berless. But we must not avoid adding —
 
 116 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 That relative trials are often more painful than 
 personal ones. That in the case before us, 
 the anguish is enhanced by the nearness and 
 importance of the quarter from which it comes ; 
 and that it is frequently increased by secrecy 
 and suppression, the sufferer being denied the 
 relief of pouring her sorrow even perhaps into 
 the ear of friendship. The heart knows the 
 bitterness. The groanings cannot be uttered. 
 But let us pass from the complaint to 
 
 II. The aggravation of the offence. 
 It is taken from the character of the aggrieved. 
 
 First : ' She is the wife of thy youth.' The 
 exemplification is derived from an early mar- 
 riage : and the reference is a countenance of 
 the usage. Men may marry when they please ; 
 but, in order to illustrate the force of this rela- 
 tion, the scripture does not notice confederacies 
 of profit ; bargains of conveniency ; provisions 
 of nursery-hood for infirmity, and sickness, and 
 death ; — the only connexion to which God in 
 his word ever alludes, and from which he 
 reasons, is ^ the wife of youth.' 
 
 To such an object there will belong a pecu-
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. H? 
 
 liar affection. It is the first attachment ; fresh, 
 simple, and undebased. The feelings strike 
 deeper, and root firmer, owing to earlier im- 
 plantation and longer growth. The conformity 
 between the parties is more full and perfect ; 
 as they assimilate into the qualities of each 
 other more easily while soft and pliant, than 
 after years and habitudes have confirmed them, 
 and rendered all change impossible, or difficult 
 and irksome. 
 
 About what other object, when taken away, 
 will a man's memory linger so long and tena- 
 ciously, as the image of the wife of his youth ? 
 Of her who first drew into one mighty and 
 exquisite feeling all the sympathies of his heart ? 
 Of her with whom he passed the delicious sea- 
 son of virtuous courtship ? Of Aer who inspired 
 him with all the liveliness and enjoyment of 
 hope ? Of her who first made him sensible of 
 the endearments of domestic bliss ? Of her 
 who first, by the cry and the image of innocent 
 helplessness, told him the tenderness of the 
 parental relation ? Of her on whose knee his 
 child first clasped his little hands to pray ? Of 
 her whose leaning so often pressed his arm, in
 
 118 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 his way to the house of God, in the walks of 
 rural excursion, and the journey of life? 
 
 And canst thou, O man, overlook all this 
 while she is living ? What if the charm that 
 lighted up the blaze of attachment be now 
 fading ? The rose could not always bloom : 
 but surely the fragrance remains. What if 
 infirmities more suddenly or slowly begin to 
 appear : now is the time for evincing and dis- 
 playing a more grateful and unselfish affection. 
 Is the worth of years to be forgotten ? Has 
 she not been always thy ministering spirit ? 
 Has not thy happiness been dearer to her than 
 her own ? In all thy afflictions, has she not 
 been afflicted ? Perhaps in giving life, or 
 watching over the pain and malady of thy 
 offspring, she has impaired her frame, and 
 health is only now a living sacrifice. Go and 
 make God thine example : ' I remember Thee, 
 the kindness of thy youth, the love of thine 
 espousals, when thou wentest after me in the 
 wilderness, in a land that was not sown.' 
 
 Secondly, says the prophet, * Is she not thy 
 companion T This, perhaps, is the most 
 lovely and becoming idea of the relation that
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 119 
 
 can be supplied. She Is not, O man, thy su- 
 perior : she is not thy slave, thy servant, thy 
 dependent. She Is Indeed a help-mate ; so 
 art thou — but she Is thy companion.' 
 
 Yet, as a companion, she Is very distin- 
 guishable from every other. A brother or 
 sister Is a companion ; but they are so Invol- 
 untarily — she Is thy companion by choice. 
 Many are companions for a while ; but they 
 are separable from us, and our Intercourse may 
 be reduced to correspondence — she Is thy 
 companion for life. Let other companions be 
 ever so Intimate, they have yet their separate 
 allotments — she Is thy companion, so as to 
 have no Interests of her own, but Is an equal 
 sharer In all the cares and comforts of thine. 
 
 It will be confessed, that there are some 
 differences between the male and the female 
 character, produced by nature, and enlarged 
 by education. But the very differences ren- 
 der them the more mutually eligible as com- 
 panions. The defective qualities of each are 
 provided for in the attributes of the other. 
 Both excel ; but they excel in their own way. 
 He is more characterized by thought ; she, by
 
 120 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 sympathy : but these properties demand and 
 aid each other. The eagerness, the sensitive- 
 ness, the dehcacy, the genius, of the female, 
 would unnerve the man : and the courage, 
 the inflexibility, the severeness of the man, 
 would unsex the female. Nothing can be more 
 absurd than to oppose their respective claims ; 
 nothing more injurious than to separate them. 
 Let their peculiar properties and places be 
 retained, and all will be found adaptation and 
 order. Let them be associated, and all will 
 be found harmony and completeness. 
 
 But how is it to be lamented when their 
 companionship is not carried into the widest, 
 noblest, and most important region of its exer- 
 cise — I mean religion ! How unmeet is it, 
 while one goes into the presence of God by 
 devotion, for the other to stand without, till 
 this transaction be over ! How forceless the 
 petition singly signed, while the voice of love 
 and union cries, ' If two of you shall agree on 
 earth, as touching any thing they may ask, it 
 shall be done of my heavenly Father !' How 
 strange and unsightly must it be for one of 
 these associates to be walking the way ever-
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 121 
 
 lasting, while the other is going the road to 
 death I How hurtful and fatal to divide and. 
 separate, where, weak and opposed alone, they 
 need every mutual encouragement and assist- 
 ance I How appalling to reflect, that the most 
 endearing alliance must be broken up forever 
 at the termination of a hfe equally short and 
 uncertain ! 
 
 Husbands and wives ! never forget that you 
 are moral and accountable beings ; and that 
 the present life is only the threshold of exist- 
 ence. Be companions in faith and godliness. 
 Walk together as h^rs of the grace of life. 
 Take sweet counsel together, and go to the 
 house of God in company. Allure each other 
 over the land of revelation in the length and 
 breadth thereof. Mutually survey its prospects, 
 admire its beauties, and gather of its flowers 
 and fruits. Encourage one another with these 
 words ; and let your hearts be comforted and 
 knit together in love unto all riches of the full 
 assurance of understanding to the acknowledg- 
 ment of the mystery of God, and of the Fa- 
 ther, and of Christ, in whom, are hid all the 
 treasures of wisdoni and knowledge. Then 
 11
 
 122 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 your children will not be perplexed by contrary 
 counsels and examples. Then you will be 
 lovely in life, and in death not divided. Then 
 your separation will be only temporary ; a 
 time of re-union will come ; and the intercourse 
 of pure and perfected friendship will be re- 
 newed forever. 
 
 Thirdly : ' She is the wife of thy covenant.'' 
 Covenant here means the marriage contract ; 
 and by the mention of this, the husband is 
 called upon to remember that the vows of God 
 are upon him. A truly virtuous man will feel 
 love more binding than law ; yet considering 
 human frailty, and the interests of society, it is 
 well to be bound by duty as well as affection : 
 and be constrained, if we act wrong, not only 
 to violate principle, but obligation. The forms 
 and rites of the connubial engagement may 
 vary in different ages and countries ; but some 
 sanction has been always required. If the 
 contract be not directly a religious transaction, 
 it has generally been accompanied and enforced 
 by religious sanctions. And surely such a 
 connexion can never be rendered too solemn 
 and too sacred. It is the most awful and in-
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 123 
 
 teresting compact into which it is possible to 
 enter. Yet there are men who can trifle with 
 a stipulation so momentous ; and seem to forget 
 all the responsibilities it entails : requiring per- 
 haps at the same time exact fidelity on the 
 other side — as if, in a covenant, both the par- 
 ties were not equally bound. Did these men, 
 beforehand, tell the persons they are endeav- 
 ouring to espouse, how they' designed to treat 
 them ; or did they refuse to pledge themselves 
 to any kind of agreeable and good behaviour 
 towards them ; they would act an open part 
 at least ; and their wives, though chargeable 
 with folly in venturing to advance, would yet 
 have no deceitfulness to complain of. But 
 when a man has voluntarily promised and 
 bound himself by oath, he is no longer at lib- 
 erty to behave otherwise than his engagement 
 prescribes, without falsehood, perfidy, perjury, 
 and disgrace. 
 
 He that does not verify the engagement^ 
 not only implied but expressed, upon which 
 alone the heart was surrendered to him, is no 
 better than a seducer. He falsely wins confi- 
 dence, basely to betray it ; and proclaims hira-
 
 124 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 self not only to be destitute of the principles 
 of a Christian, but the honour of a man : and 
 for want of common honesty, he ought to be 
 shunned by all reputable society. Herod, 
 though he was grieved at his promise, yet 
 would not refuse to ratify it, for his oath's sake. 
 Jephthah, though he had to sacrifice his own 
 daughter, yet, said he, ' I have opened my 
 mouth unto the Lord, and I cannot go back.' 
 ' A good man svveareth to his own hurt, and 
 changeth not.' And we know who has said, 
 ' When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer 
 not to pay it ; for he hath no pleasure in fools. 
 Pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is 
 it that thou shouldst not vow, than that thou 
 shouldst vow and not pay. Sufi'er not thy 
 mouth to cause thy flesh to sin ; neither say 
 thou before the angel, that it was an error : 
 wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, 
 and destroy the work of thy hands ?' There- 
 fore let us consider 
 
 III. The condemnation of the trans- 
 gressor. Here we have both the sentence 
 and the evidence upon which it is adjudged.
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 125 
 
 The first Is thus expressed : ^ Insomuch that 
 he regardeth not the offering any more, or re- 
 ceiveth it with with good-will at your hand.' 
 And is this a hght thing ? God is the supreme 
 good. In His favour is hfe. It is the most 
 delightful consciousness in the world to know 
 that we are accepted of him ; and to have the 
 testimony that we please God. But all here 
 is aversion, rejection, contempt. ' I will have 
 no communion with you. I hate not only your 
 sins, but your services.' 
 
 It would seem surprising, indeed, that those 
 who live in disobedience to his commands, 
 should yet be found attending the worship of 
 God at all : for there is much in the Dutch 
 proverb, ' Praying will make a man leave off 
 sinning, or sinning will make a man leave off 
 praying.' But the heart is deceitful above all 
 things, as well as desperately wicked : and 
 the inconsistencies it is continually putting 
 forth, are as wonderful as in things in the 
 course of nature or order of providence. There 
 are those who will observe the form of godli- 
 ness, and deny the power of it. There are 
 those who will support the cause of Christ and
 
 126 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 defraud their tradesmen : who will regard the 
 positive ordinances of religion ; and neglect its 
 moral requisitions : who will value the ritual 
 part of devotion, and violate the practical^ 
 How many are godly on the Sabbath, and 
 worldly all the week ! Who appear saints in 
 the house of God, and are demons in their 
 own ! Are there not some who even maintain 
 morning and evening service in their families, 
 and yet cover the altar of the Lord with tears^ 
 and with weeping, and crying out ? 
 
 But let such know that omission is prefer- 
 able to perversion. And let them 'go and 
 learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy 
 and not sacrifice.' 'God heareth not sinners ; 
 but if any man be a worshipper of God, and 
 doeth his will, him he heareth.' ' He that 
 stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he 
 also shall cry himself, and shall not be heard.' 
 Hence the God of Israel saith, ' He that kiileth 
 an ox, is as if he slew a man : he that sacri- 
 ficeth a lamb, as if he cut off a dog's neck : 
 he that ofFereth an oblation, as if he offered 
 swine's blood : he that burneth incense, as if 
 he blessed an idoL' Wherefore ? Were not
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 127 
 
 these observances of His own appointment ? 
 They were. Bat He loathed them when they 
 became substitutes for moral principle, or con- 
 nected with practices which he had condemned. 
 Therefore, says he, ^ Wash ye, make you 
 clean, put away the evil of your doings from 
 before mine eyes. Seek justice ; relieve the 
 oppressed ; judge the fatherless ; plead for the 
 widow. Come now "and let us reason togeth- 
 er, saith the Lord : though your sins be as 
 scarlet, they shall be w^hite as snow ; though 
 they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.' 
 Is this a light thing ? More is implied than 
 is expressed. There is no medium between 
 non-acceptance with God, and condemnation. 
 If we are not in his favour, we are under his 
 wrath. And w^ho can stand before Him when 
 once He is angry ? The grand question is, 
 In what relation are we found to Him ? Is 
 He our friend or our foe ? If our foe, he can 
 arm all creatures against us : he can operate 
 immediately upon our mind : he can pursue 
 ns beyond the grave, which screens us from 
 all other enemies ; and, after he hath killed, 
 can cast into hell. He that judgeth us is
 
 128 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 the Lord. And if He be for us, who can be 
 against us ? He can make all things work to- 
 gether for our good. They whom he blesses 
 are blessed : and they whom he curses are 
 cursed : and none can reverse it. 
 
 And is this a light thing ? Wisdom cries, 
 Hide not thy face from me : put not thy ser- 
 vant away in anger. There be many that say. 
 Who will show us any good ? Lord, lift thou 
 up the light of thy countenance upon me. 
 And, to heal this broken heart ; to soothe 
 every sorrow ; to sweeten every comfort ; to 
 raise me above the fear of every evil ; say 
 unto my soul, I am thy salvation. 
 
 But, secondly, who are these ? In order to 
 punish legally, there must be not only guilt, 
 but conviction ; and there is no conviction 
 without evidence, without witness. Who is 
 the witness here ? God himself ' The Lord 
 hath been witness between thee and the wife 
 of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt 
 treacherously, though she is thy companion 
 and the wife of thy covenant.' This indeed 
 is a case in which human witness is not, and 
 cannot be always attainable. A few transgress
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 129 
 
 sors may be careless of observation, and, in 
 their shame, seek no disguise : but in general, 
 the offender courts secrecy. He knows his 
 reputation is at stake ; and that nothing lowers 
 a man more in common estimation than im- 
 proper temper and conduct towards the most 
 claimful of all relations. He therefore tries as 
 much as possible to cloak it. Before others, 
 he is often full of pretensions. He uses, per- 
 haps, the most endearing expressions ; and 
 while the sufferer is conscious of the falseness 
 of all this display, he passes for a respectable, 
 perhaps a fond husband. But not with Him 
 whose eyes are in every place, beholding the 
 evil and the good. He sets his secret sins in 
 the light of his countenance. 
 
 It would be well for us always to remember 
 that God sees us ; and the less we are under 
 the cognizance of others, the more, in a weCy 
 of motive and influence, we need to realize 
 the inspection of our witness in heaven and 
 our record on high. In the world and in the 
 church we are more upon our guard, because 
 there are many to observe us ; but in our 
 dwellings we give ourselves more latitudes, 
 12
 
 130 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE, 
 
 But God is there ; and therefore we should 
 walk within our house with a perfect heart, 
 and set no wicked thing before our eyes, and 
 hate the work of them that turn aside. He 
 knoweth our down-sitting, and our up-rising. 
 He compasseth about our path ; and is ac- 
 quainted with all our ways. He is a witness 
 between us and our servants ; a witness be- 
 tween us and our children ; a witness between 
 us and our wives ; a constant witness ; an 
 unerring witness ; a witness v/ho is at the same 
 time the lawgiver whose orders we contemn ; 
 and the judge who will bring every work into 
 judgment, with every secret thing, whether it 
 be good or whether it be evil. 
 
 What mysteries of iniquity will that day 
 make manifest ! How many tyrants have 
 despatched their victims in dungeons, or by 
 assassins whose employers were never known I 
 How many seducers have entangled and ruined 
 the innocent and unwary, the discovery of 
 whom was suppressed by power or bribery ! 
 How many husbands have destroyed the peace, 
 the comfort, the health, the life of those who 
 ought to have been dear to them as their own
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 131 
 
 souls, uncensuredj and even unsuspected ! But 
 the Lord comes, who will bring to light the 
 hidden things of darkness, and make manifest 
 the counsels of the heart. Yet in wrath he 
 remembers mercy ; and before he destroys, 
 he warns and admonishes. Hence, 
 
 IV. The means of prevention. 'There- 
 fore tdke heed to your spirit^ and let none deal 
 treacherously against the wife of his youth.' 
 
 Here we are led immediately to the soui'ce 
 of all evil. ' Take heed to your spirit. '' There 
 all begins : and there is no sanctifying the life 
 without an attention to the heart. Therefore 
 says Solomon, ^ Keep thy heart with all dili- 
 gence, for out of it are the issues of life.' Heal 
 the spring, and the streams will be wholesome. 
 Make the tree good, and the fruit will be good. 
 Renew the heart, and upon the tongue is the 
 law of kindness. Replenish the heart, and 
 out of the abundance of the heart the mouth 
 speaketh. 'A good man out of the good 
 treasure of his heart bringeth forth good things ; 
 and an evil man out of the evil treasure, bring- 
 eth forth evil things.'
 
 132 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 But the meaning is, not only that we should 
 attend to our principles if we would regulate 
 our practice, but that we should never over- 
 look or neglect the very first risings of evil. 
 Evil is spreading like leaven, and a little leaven 
 leaveneth the whole lump. It may be too 
 late to assail the enemy when he has advanced 
 and gathered force from success. Attack him 
 at the outset, while yet his strength is small ; 
 and no strong-hold is taken ; and no pass is 
 even seized. When lust hath conceived, it 
 bringeth forth sin ; and sin, when it is finished, 
 bringeth forth death. Crush, therefore, the 
 cocatrice in the egg, lest it break forth, and 
 become a fiery flying serpent. 
 
 Ao-ain. Ml are concerned in this caution ; 
 and ' let none deal treacherously against the 
 wife of his youth.' 
 
 Are Levites excepted? They are chiefly 
 the persons here complained of. Their lips 
 are indeed to keep knowledge ; but they are 
 to do, as well as to teach. They are to be 
 examples, to illustrate and recommend their 
 own doctrine. The snuffers in the tabernacle 
 were to be made of pure gold. They who
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 133 
 
 reprove others are to be blameless themselves. 
 Their exhortations, dishonoured by their own 
 temper and practice, will not only be unavail- 
 ing, but repulsive ; and all the convictions they 
 would fix in the conscience, wull drop like ar- 
 rows from an impenetrable shield. ' Behold, 
 thou know^est his will, and approvest the things 
 that are more excellent, being instructed out 
 of the law ; and art confident that thou thyself 
 art a guide of the blind, a light of them which 
 are in darkness, an instructer of the foolish, 
 a teacher of babes, which hast the form of 
 knowledge and of the truth in the law. Thou, 
 therefore, which teachest another, teachest 
 thou not thyself? Thou that preachest a man 
 should not steal, dost thou steal ? Thou that 
 sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost 
 thou commit adultery ? Thou that abhorrest 
 idols, dost thou commit sacrilege ? Thou that 
 makest thy boast of the law, through breaking 
 the law dishonourest thou God ?' Who revolts 
 not at receiving his food from a leprous hand ? 
 If the bad husband disgraces the good preach- 
 er, men will abhor the offering of the Lord. 
 Are the upper ranks above this injunction ?
 
 134 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 It might be supposed that they had this imag- 
 ination, from their conduct in too many instan- 
 ces. But the higher the individual, the more 
 is he bound to regard it. He is by his station 
 the more observable and influential ; and the 
 more injurious will his life prove, if it be vi- 
 cious. Evil is a stream ; and, like every other 
 stream, it does not ascend but runs downward. 
 Or, to borrow another image, a private person 
 is like a pocket watch, that only misinforms 
 the wearer : a public character is like a town 
 clock, that leads astray the whole parish. 
 
 Yet no man is entirely unobserved and un- 
 influential, especially when placed at tlie head 
 of a family. Therefore let the low as well as 
 the high remember the advice. Indeed, the 
 less of outward prosperity persons have, the 
 more necessary is it to guard against those 
 tempers and practices that will embitter their 
 trials ; and to seek solace, under their priva- 
 tions, in the grace of the gospel, the consola- 
 tions of rehgion, and the comforts of domestic 
 peace and love. And execrated be the senti- 
 ment, that love and poverty are incompatible. 
 There may be more of contentment, though
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 135 
 
 less of mirth ; more of the reahty, though less 
 of the show of happiness, in the cottage than 
 in the mansion. Where the Lord is sought, 
 he blesses their bread and their water. When 
 in the simplicity of faith the scriptures are read 
 with prayer, and praise, these are found to be 
 better than thousands of gold and silver. 
 
 Is this idle talk ? Here is the lansuao^e of 
 mspiration : ' Better is a dinner of herbs where 
 love is, than a stalled ox, and hatred therewith. 
 Better is a little with quietness, than a house 
 full of sacrifices with strife.' * A little that a 
 righteous man hath, is better than the riches 
 of many wicked.' What heart-cold wretched- 
 ness is often found connected with splendor, 
 abundance, and excess : ' The blessing of the 
 Lord it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow 
 with it.' 
 
 Let the advancing in life guard against the 
 loss of their first regards. The effervescence 
 of the passion may subside, but let the spirit 
 of the principle be preserved ; and, like gen- 
 erous wines, it will refine and improve by 
 keeping. 
 
 And let not the young be careless. The
 
 136 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 newly-married pair, happy in the possession of 
 crowned desires, may think themselves in no 
 danger of abated regard : but we have seen 
 goodness, even in wedded life, like the morn- 
 ing cloud and early dew that passeth away. 
 Therefore take heed to your spirit. Watch, 
 not only against the grosser evils, but minor 
 delinquencies. Guard against the first symp- 
 tom of declension. One thing prepares for, 
 brings in, justifies, another ; and, when going 
 astray, the smallness of each movement may 
 keep us unal armed, till we look back, and are 
 shocked at the distance we have reached. Let 
 your wife have no reason for the most distant 
 apprehension. Let no sigh flit across her 
 mind. Be not satisfied to keep within the 
 bare precincts of duty ; but care for the things 
 of the wife, how you may please the wife. 
 Be open, be candid, be tender, be attentive, 
 be exemplary. In the connexion before us, 
 inattention leads to indifference ; and indiffer- 
 ence to dislike ; and dislike to disgust. If 
 love be withdrawn, wedded life is confinement, 
 misery, hell. Let love abound, and no ennui 
 is known ; no restraint is felt ; no task is per-
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 137 
 
 formed. The yoke is easy ; the burden is 
 light. Duty is privilege ; and to oblige, is 
 more delightful than to be obliged. But re- 
 member, rehgion is the best promoter and pre- 
 server of this love ; and therefore let domestic 
 morality be founded in Christian piety. 
 
 ' But why have you chosen such a passage 
 as this ?' Go and ask Malachi, why he in- 
 serted it in his short series of prophesyings ? 
 Go and ask Paid, whether ' all scripture is not 
 given by inspiration of God, and is profitable 
 for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for 
 instruction in righteousness ?' Does not the 
 unspeakable importance of the subject justify 
 the selection ? Does not the character of the 
 day in which we live, render such a discourse 
 needful ? 
 
 But I have availed myself of a particular 
 event to bring forward • these thoughts this 
 morning. It is the union of with . 
 
 He will have too much good sense to take 
 improperly the drift of the subject ; or to sup- 
 pose that caution and admonition necessarily 
 imply censure or suspicion. No, my young 
 friend ; I am fully persuaded better things of
 
 138 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 you, though I thus speak ; and beheve that 
 you will regard her, whose heart has safely 
 trusted in you as your companion, the wife of 
 your youth and of your covenant ; and con- 
 tinue to love and td cherish till the parting 
 hour. I hail you on the completion of your 
 wishes : ' He that findeth a wife, findeth a 
 good thing, and obtains favour of the Lord.' 
 I would not interrupt the joy of your espousals ; 
 but surely it cannot be unreasonable to say to 
 the favoured sons of men, ^ Rejoice with trem- 
 bling.' The connexion you have formed is 
 frail. It has its duties as well as its delights. 
 It has also its cares as well as its comforts. 
 Look not for a state of unalloyed happiness. 
 Expect not to find the perfection in another, 
 which you know another will never find in you. 
 I commend you to God and to the word of his 
 grace : and may He whom you have honoured 
 in believing his truth, that ' it is not good for 
 man to be alone,' look down from heaven, and 
 say, ' From this day will I bless you.' 
 
 But I turn to you, my female friends, and 
 as far as I know my own convictions and feel- 
 ings, I am your friend ; you will therefore
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 139 
 
 allow me to address you freely, especially 
 since I have delivered myself unsparingly to 
 those of my own sex. 
 
 First, let me address those who are yet un- 
 connected. It is not improper for you to think 
 of a condition which Nature has ordained us 
 for ; and which the scripture pronounces hon- 
 ourable in all. Nor should you revolt from 
 the state because there are husbands who 
 ' cover the altar of God with tears.' All men 
 are not liars. Nor should difficulties discourage 
 you. These are found in every condition : 
 and we are persuaded that the state, if properly 
 entered, is the most happy in this vale of tears. 
 How much of the relish of our coniforts is lost 
 in unsocial enjoyment ! How much do we 
 need a friend, another self, to alleviate by 
 sharing the cares and griefs of life ! How 
 many moments of languor, oppressiveness, and 
 despondency are there, in which the heart 
 beats for attention, sympathy, and kindness ! 
 How helpless is a solitary female ! how many 
 real dangers surround her ; and how are these 
 perils multiplied by solitariness ! A single 
 man has a thousand engagements abroad : a
 
 140 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 woman, if single, has little diversion from 
 thought, and broods over real and imaginary 
 evils. And how inferior is she reckoned to 
 the female who sustains the character of a 
 wife, and a parent, and is performing her duty 
 to the world, and is the source of usefulness 
 to the community ! 
 
 But there is nothing reproachful in your 
 present condition, unless you choose to make 
 it so by exemplifying in your temper and con- 
 duct the imputations thrown on your state, 
 especially in its advancement. Show that it 
 does not necessarily entail malevolence, envy, 
 scandal, curiosity, spleen, insipid formality, 
 prudery, secrecy, a mystifying of trifles. The 
 character and lives of too many of our sex are 
 such as must prevent any reflection upon you 
 for declining them: and your scorning to es- 
 pouse worthlessness for the sake of any ad- 
 vantage ; and your refusing every connexion 
 unapproved by your principles and conscience, 
 as well as affection ; will raise you in the esti- 
 mation of all the wise and good. 
 
 Never, therefore, settle it in your minds that 
 you must enter this state ; or that marriage is
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 141 
 
 essential to your usefulness, respectability, and 
 happiness. Refer it to Him who has a right 
 to dispose of us as he pleases ; and who knows 
 what is best for us. And in the mean time 
 improve the advantages of your present state. 
 You are free from a thousand anxiousnesses 
 and trials, unfriendly to mental culture and 
 enlarged devotion. ' She that is unmarried 
 careth for the things of the Lord, how she 
 may be holy both in body and spirit. But 
 she that is married, careth for the things of 
 the world, how she may please her husband.' 
 If you have met with disappointment, let these 
 reflections prevent dissatisfaction ; and sober 
 your hopes ; and make you, w^hen you think 
 of altering your circumstances, to be the more 
 prudent, circumspect and prayerful. Look 
 after good sense, good temper, domestic habits, 
 and, above all, the fear of God. And as, after 
 all your caution and care, it is possible for you 
 to be imposed upon, commit your way unto 
 the Lord, and let integrity and uprightness 
 preserve you while you wait upon him. 
 
 Secondly, some of you are found among the 
 bereaved. The guide of your youth, and the
 
 143 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 companion of your days, is removed from you ; 
 and your heart within you is often desolate. 
 1 am not wishing to open your wounds afresh. 
 You are no longer seen leaning on your be- 
 loved : but there is another Being who now 
 stands in the most interesting of all relations 
 to you. He is the ' Husband of the widow.' 
 Be not hasty to leave a condition into wiiich 
 his hand has led you ; but as a widow indeed, 
 continue trusting in God with all your heart ; 
 and hold communion with the hour when you 
 shall re-unite with those who are gone before, 
 and are now waiting to receive you into ever- 
 lasting habitations. 
 
 Thirdly, some of you are in a state that ad- 
 mits of our congratulations. You are affianced 
 to those who are sensible of your value ; wiiose 
 inclinations fall in with their duty ; who render 
 love for love, confidence for confidence, atten- 
 tion for attention. 
 
 But I feel for others. The flattery which 
 once perhaps your ear was too eager to drink 
 in, has ended in disappointment and sorrow ; 
 and your eye poureth out tears unto God. 
 Perhaps you were too sanguine in your ex-
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 143 
 
 pectatlons. Perhaps you looked for more in 
 the relation than reason and scripture have 
 ever promised to afford. Perhaps now, upon 
 the whole, you have but little reason to com- 
 plain. Every state has its deductions. 
 
 But admitting it to be otherwise, allow me 
 to ask, Has there been no blame-worthiness 
 attached to yourselves ? Have you done every 
 thing in your power to render yourselves and 
 your religion approved ? You know the preach- 
 er does not join in the vulgar and unjust re- 
 flections cast upon your sex ; but there are 
 temper-flaws unsightly, and there are tongue- 
 flaws intolerable. ' Better to dwell in a corner 
 of the house-top, than with a brawling woman 
 in a wide house. A continual dropping in a 
 rainy day, and a contentious woman are alike.' 
 Are you slatterns ? Do you love disorder ? 
 Are you idle, tattlers, busy-bodies, wandering 
 from house to house ? Are you keepers at 
 home ? Do you render your dwelling attrac- 
 tive ? Do you make it the asylum of your 
 husband from the toils and troubles of life ? 
 Does he find it the scene of accommodation, 
 and peace, and cheerfulness ? When abroad,
 
 144 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 is he ' stung with the thoughts of home ;' and 
 is the most dehghtful part of his absence the 
 moment that turns his face towards the loved 
 place of his rest ? 
 
 We know that you can — we have too often 
 witnessed it not to know — we know that you 
 can present religion in every interesting and 
 engaging form ; that you can, not only render 
 domestic life graceful, but piously attractive ; 
 that you can fan into a flame an expiring de- 
 votion ; that you can give excellence and en- 
 ergy to every good word and work ; that you 
 can teach and enforce with a persuasive ease, 
 and a tender mildness, whose influence is rarely 
 without some success. Have you employed 
 these efficiencies in connexion with every oth- 
 er ? For let me tell you, my sisters, if you 
 have not availed yourselves of your religious 
 means, and used them with prayer, persever- 
 ingly, and wisely, and invitingly, you have as 
 yet no absolute cause to complain, if your 
 relative condition be not such as you would 
 have it. 
 
 After all, with the exception of human in- 
 firmity, we will suppose a possible case. You
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 145 
 
 have nothing to reproach yourself with ; and 
 yet your ' house is not so with God.' Even 
 here we have a few words of advice to offer. 
 Be not forward to complain openly, not only 
 because noisy grief is seldom deemed very 
 worthy of sympathy ; but also because, in your 
 peculiar case, it is more likely to add to the 
 evil than to remove it. Exposure not only 
 mortifies, but commonly exasperates, and har- 
 dens ; and the man, not only feeling the loss 
 of self-respect, but the esteem of others, be- 
 comes reckless in his conduct. Beware of 
 retaliation and reproach. Render not railing 
 for railing, but contrariwise, blessing. Ever 
 follow the example of the Lord Jesus, ' who, 
 when he suffered, threatened not, but commit- 
 ted himself to Him that judgeth righteously.' 
 Especially avoid every thing that is irritating 
 when the mind of your husband is in a feverish 
 and inflamed state ; and when a season of 
 speaking returns, remember, a soft answer 
 turneth away wrath, while grievous words stir 
 up anger. Yielding pacifieth great offences. 
 And let me not offend while I hint, that it is 
 not authority but influence, that belongs to your 
 13
 
 146 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 condition ; and that your influence is not de- 
 rived from violence and insistings, but from 
 prepossessings, amiableness, a willingness to 
 waive even a right, and a desire to please 
 rather than to conquer. And says not the 
 apostle the same ? ' Likewise, ye wives, be 
 in subjection to your own husbands : that, if 
 any obey not the word, they also may, without 
 the word, be won by the conversation of the 
 wives ; while they behold your chaste con- 
 versation, coupled with fear : whose adorning, 
 let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting 
 the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting 
 on of apparel ; but let it be the hidden man 
 of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, 
 even the ornament of the meek and quiet spirit, 
 which is in the -sight of God of great price. 
 For after this manner in the old time the holy 
 women also, who trusted in God, adorned 
 themselves, being in subjection unto their own 
 husbands ; even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, 
 calling him lord : whose daughters ye are as 
 long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any 
 amazement.' 
 
 Some men, it must be acknowledged, seem
 
 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 147 
 
 Strangers to all refinement of feeling ; and 
 cannot be overcome by even the meekness of 
 wisdom. Yet if the address of tenderness and 
 entreaty be unhappily useless, all carriage of 
 an opposite character will be more than useless. 
 The being upon whom gentleness and good 
 nature are lost, can never be amended by ill- 
 humour and clamour. A man of sense will 
 often, for the sake of propriety or peace, sub- 
 mit to be talked down by a wife talented in 
 this species of oratory ; but a man destitute of 
 sense, will be sure to retort such treatment 
 with double violence and insult. ^With the 
 well-advised is wisdom :' while fools are the 
 most unpersuadable of all animals. But you 
 should not marry fools. You may be imposed 
 upon with regard to piety : but you cannot be 
 mistaken with regard to sense. 
 
 But if, after all your blamelessness and 
 commendableness, you are in the affliction we 
 have been endeavouring to prevent, one source 
 of relief is open : carry your distress to the 
 mercy-seat ; and spreading it before the God 
 of all comfort, say, ' Lord, all my desire is be- 
 fore Thee, and my groaning is not hid from
 
 148 THE WIFE'S ADVOCATE. 
 
 Thee.' While he permits your sufferings, he 
 loves you ; he pities you ; he is on your side. 
 He is able to turn the curse into a blessing. 
 ' We know that all things work together for 
 good to them that love God.' We have seen 
 wives who have been chosen in the furnace of 
 affliction. They have had this valley of Achor 
 given them for a door of hope. Their pur- 
 poses being broken off, even the thoughts of 
 their heart ; and their prospects on hfe's fairest 
 side being clouded and gloomy ; they have 
 looked out after ' a better country.' They 
 have asked, ' Where is God my Maker, that 
 giveth songs in the night ?' They have said, 
 ^ And now. Lord, what wait I for ? My hope 
 is in Thee,'
 
 A CHARGE 
 
 :iNTENO£D TO HAV£ BEEN ADDRESSED 
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER, 
 
 X)RDINATION OF HER HUSBAND, 
 
 'Our conditions are the best preceptors of our duties.' — Burte. 
 ' Give her of the fruit of her hand ; and let her own works praise her 
 in the gates.'— /Slo^omon. ^
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 Mj READER, 
 
 You need not inquire after the time, tlie place, the intended 
 receiver of this address, or the circumstances that prevented the 
 delivery of it. Suffice it to observe, that the title is founded in 
 truth. The case was this. At our ordinations, after the confes- 
 sion of faith, and prayer for the Divine influence and blessing to 
 attend the union that has been publicly recognised between the 
 pastor and the church, it has been always customary to address 
 to each of the parties a Charge, containing suitable instructions, 
 cautions, admonitions, and encouragements, with regard to their 
 respective duties. Nothing can be more scriptural or proper than 
 such an usage : and nothing will be found more interesting and 
 edifying, when it is not eked out in dull formality, and prolonged 
 reiterations of sameness ; but is performed in the spirit and unc- 
 tion of the ser'v'ice. 
 
 But the writer had often thought, that if on these occasions a 
 Charge could be likewise addressed to another persouage, it would 
 be, if not equally necessary, yet truly important. The wife of 
 the preacher is indeed, as his nearest relation, interested in all 
 that is said to him .- and, as a fellow-member with his people, she 
 is also concerned in all that is spoken to them. Yet it is easy to 
 perceive that there is, with regard to her, an individuality of 
 character, and a peculiarity of condition, requiring and justify- 
 ing something more than general and indiscriminate address. 
 And the writer has always been persuaded, that one of the failures 
 in ministerial labour has been owing to the neglect of detail and 
 specification, in the enforcement of moral topics. 
 
 The wife of a minister is in a situation distinguished, observa- 
 ble, and influential. How much depends upon her principles, 
 temper, taste, and behaviour ! How various, delicate, and arduous 
 are the duties she has to discharge ! How much grace and wis- 
 dom are necessary to fill the circle of her vocation, usefully and 
 honourably ! And yet the place she is called to preside in, cannot 
 be distinctly and expressly prepared for, by any course of previous 
 discipline. Though the age abounds with every kind of institu-
 
 152 PREFACE. 
 
 tion ; no seminary, as yet, has been founded for training up 
 female probationers for the Levitical economy ; though they are 
 supposed to be, either from the love of distinction, or the desire of 
 usefulness, not a few. The more needful is something like the 
 ensuing endeavour. In making it, the Author has also the sanc- 
 tion of the Apostle's example. He deemed it necessary, not only 
 to describe the attributes of approved Deacons and Bishops, but 
 also of their wives: 'Even so must their wives be grave j not 
 slanderers; sober; faithful in all things.' 
 
 Before the writer was diverted from his purpose, it was not his 
 design to have given the Charge at the same time with the other 
 two addresses; as the service already is wearisomely long: but 
 the morning after tlie ordination ; and while the impression of 
 the solemnity would be yet remaining. 
 
 Nor would he have delivered it in the public assembly ; for 
 where females are concerned, publicity is not to be sought after; 
 but in the pastor's own d well in g- 
 
 From the singleness of the service, the speaker could afford to 
 be longer in his admonition than propriety would otherwise have 
 allowed. 
 
 From the private nature of the engagement, he felt himself the 
 more free from anxiety and restraint. 
 
 From the quality of the individual addressed, the mode of ad- 
 dress itself was in some measure influenced. Females love facts 
 and incidents, rather tiian discussions ; illustrations, rather than 
 arguments; imagery, ratlier than abstractedness; sententious- 
 nesg, rather than diffusion : and though they are capable of think- 
 ing as well as the other sex, their thinking is more tempered by 
 feeling ; and they love thoughts when they are sentiments, rather 
 than notions. Do we mean to censure this taste 1 It has one 
 incomparable recommendation — it is the manner in which the 
 scriptures are written ; and where God has abounded towards us 
 in all wisdom and prudence. 
 
 Imagine then a preacher of some age, observation, and experi- 
 ence, and in the subject before him, of no little happy experience ; 
 imagine such a man rising and addressing his interesting auditress, 
 while her husband, and the wives of several neighbouring minis- 
 ters are present, in the form and manner following. 
 Bath, December \, 1829.
 
 ADDRESS 
 
 TO THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 
 
 Proverbs xix. 14. 
 A prudent icife is from the Lord. 
 
 My esteemed friend and sister: — As 
 
 this peculiar service did not arise in the preacher 
 from affectation, or a wish to excite notice and 
 remark, so he is persuaded your ready com- 
 pliance with the proposal of it, has been only 
 the result of a concern how to please the Lord, 
 whose providence has called you to occupy 
 the station you are now filling. He therefore 
 most willingly engages in it, and hopes that 
 the example, at least as to its spirit, will be 
 hereafter followed. Yet he feels solicitude ; 
 and as the effort is novel and probationary, he 
 is not a little concerned for the goodness of 
 the precedent. He fears nothingj indeed, from 
 14
 
 154 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 mere human opinion : he never would enter 
 on any rehgious engagement unless he was at 
 liberty to obey all the dictates of his conviction. 
 While therefore, on the one hand, he will not 
 seek to give pain or oiFence ; on the other, 
 he is bound to shun every appearance of adu- 
 lation. How strange that persons should ever 
 dare to pander to the appetite of vanity, in 
 holy exercises, and under the immediate eye 
 of God ; instead of being raised into a dignified 
 independence of mind, by feeling the sentiment 
 of Elihu : ' I know not to give flattering titles : 
 in so doing, my Maker would take me away.' 
 
 But as ignorance is not necessary to humil- 
 ity, so neither is it flattery to remind people 
 of their real and relative importance, in order 
 to make them sensible of their responsibilities, 
 and anxious to discharge their obligations. 
 
 We rejoice that your sex is elevated to its 
 proper rank in the community. In barbarous 
 ages, and in all savage countries, it nev^er rose 
 to any of the dignities and rights of social, 
 rational, and immortal beings. Some philos- 
 ophers have strangely argued, whether men 
 have been improved by the progress of civili-
 
 THE .WIFE OP A MINISTER. 155 
 
 nation, and advancement of the arts and sci- 
 ences ; but no one can deny that women owe 
 much, for a happy change in their condition, 
 to the prevalence of knowledge and polished 
 life. Yet what were the daughters of Greece 
 and Rome, compared with the daughters of 
 Zion ? What did even chivalry accomplish 
 for the objects of its enthusiasm, compared 
 with the benefits the female race have derived 
 from the doctrine and spirit of Christianity ? 
 It is the religion of Jesus, that, far beyond 
 every human institution, has, for you, softened 
 the manners of the multitude, and subdued the 
 fierceness and tyranny of physical power and 
 dominion. It is this, that has delivered -you 
 from the discords and wretchedness of polyga- 
 my and divorce. It is this, that, instead of 
 degrading you as the slaves, or seducers of the 
 other sex, leads us to regard you as our com- 
 panions, our friends, our sisters ; the fellow- 
 heirs of the grace of life ; the daughters of the 
 Lord Almighty. The light that has been 
 shed upon your true destination and worth, 
 will prevent their ever being concealed or de- 
 nied in future. It is now too late to controvert
 
 156 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 the claims which are so justly your due ; or 
 refuse to acknowledge that you must have, 
 that you ought to have, that you are designed 
 to have, a great influence in the relations and 
 interests of society. 
 
 Yet the manner in which this influence is 
 to be most properly and advantageously ex- 
 erted and employed, is not only a question of 
 wisdom, but, as far as the mind of God is made 
 known concerning it, a matter of absolute sub- 
 mission. The ground of moral duty is the 
 same with regard to all ; but the exemplifica- 
 tion of the principle must vary according to 
 the connexions and circumstances of individuals. 
 And therefore I need not say, that you are 
 expressly forbidden to occupy the office of 
 your husband, and publicly teach in the church. 
 This prohibition will not surprise or offend any 
 one who reflects, that God has a right to order 
 all affairs in his own house ; and that none of 
 his decisions are arbitrary. We judge from 
 very limited views of things ; and in no case 
 can we infallibly determine what may be best, 
 eventually, and upon the whole. But his
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 157 
 
 understanding is infinite ; and his judgment is 
 always according to truth. 
 
 Regulation is not degradation. God himself 
 is the grand example of order. He who is 
 above all, submits to rule. He does, not what 
 he would, but what he ought ; or, as his word 
 expresses it, ' what becomes him ;' what ' be- 
 hoveth him ;' what ' seemeth good in his sight.' 
 
 Services uncalled of God, are unacceptable 
 to him : he may pardon them, but he cannot 
 reward them. The result of maintaining the 
 laws of order and decorum, is more important 
 to the welfare of society, than a few instances 
 of usefulness arising from the violation of them ; 
 and which are more noticed because they stand 
 out to observation ; and are commonly mag- 
 nified above their real desert, in consequence 
 of their specious and immediate effect. There 
 is danger too, that w^hen persons have once 
 broken their rank, and have enjoyed the sweet- 
 ness of notice and applause, they will never 
 subside into entire regularity again. Your 
 husband would have run no little risk, had he, 
 in the election of a wife, made choice of an 
 expositor of the scriptures, whether in public,
 
 158 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 or even in the social circle. Some of the 
 same disposition would probably have been 
 left still working the same way : as we too 
 often see in those individuals in our churches 
 who become occasional preachers ; they seldom 
 feel again as mere members ; and are the most 
 dissatisfied and trying hearers with whom their 
 pastors have to deal. 
 
 Limitation is not obstruction. It confines 
 indeed ; but it is the confinement of direction, 
 not of hindrance. It does not oppose, but 
 guide. It resembles the banks of a river, 
 which, not keeping the stream back, but only 
 keeping it in, invite and aid along its course ; 
 while the current pursues the noiseless tenour 
 of its way, even and clear, reflecting the sky, 
 and refreshino- and adorninf]^ the earth. How 
 much better is this, than the turbid licentious- 
 ness of the flood, though it may make a greater 
 show, and a greater noise ; and draw more 
 gazers to its spreading, wild, and dangerous 
 invasions. 
 
 The Greeks did not permit the men to have 
 much intercourse with female society, unless 
 they were related ; and the Asiatics laid upon
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 159 
 
 their women yet greater restraints. Hence, 
 as Christian churches were first formed in 
 Greece and Asia, it might have been inferred, 
 that such females as w^anted other instruction 
 than was given in the public assemblies, must 
 have received it in private, from some of their 
 own sex ; and that from them also, women in 
 penury, distress, and confinement, must have 
 received visits of succour and comfort. Ac- 
 cordingly w^e find females, eligible from their 
 knowledge, experience, discretion, and age, 
 were appointed for these purposes. They are 
 often referred to in the Epistles. Paul speaks 
 of those ' women that laboured with him in the 
 gospel.' In the earher periods of Ecclesiasti- 
 cal History, we perceive women having some 
 offices analogous to those of the men. But 
 they were of a private nature. Our brethren, 
 the Moravians, retain some functions of this 
 kind ; and w^e believe no man, among them, 
 can be a pastor who is unmamed ; as there 
 are services required of the wife, as well as of 
 the husband. But none of them are consonant 
 with the public ministration of the word. How 
 far any appointments of a similar order might
 
 160 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 be profitably established in our churches, it 
 would not be perhaps improper to inquire. 
 
 But we are not going at present to attempt 
 any new schemes. We deem it preferable to 
 take things as they are ; and endeavour to 
 improve what is practicable ; rather than to 
 deal in what is speculative. We therefore say, 
 that without the assumption of office ; and 
 without leaving the sphere of engagement 
 suited to your sex and station, you may, in an 
 eminent degree, serve your own generation by 
 the will of God. Let me freely develop and 
 enforce what I should deem necessary to your 
 securing so desirable an attainment. 
 
 I presume on your personal religion. It is 
 said of Zachariah and Elisabeth, that ' they 
 were both righteous before God, walkmg in 
 all the commandments and ordinances of the 
 Lord, blameless.' If a Christian is to ' marry 
 only in the Lord,' how indispensable is this 
 requisition to a minister. If he sets at nought 
 the divine precaution, he not only by his ex- 
 ample justifies others in forming unhallowed 
 connexions, but his own wickedness will cor- 
 rect him ; and he will be made to feel, in the
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 161 
 
 natural consequences as well as in the penal 
 rebuke, what an evil and bitter thing it is to 
 forsake the fear of the Almighty. His case 
 indeed is to be pitied, should he have been 
 imposed upon after serious and candid examin- 
 ation. And there have been wives who have 
 made pretensions, to gain the upright, who are 
 always the most unsuspecting. And when 
 the mask has been afterwards thrown aside, 
 what an astounding discovery has it been to 
 the deceived, and what a degradation to the 
 deceiver ! And when the disguise has contin- 
 ued, what a wretched constraint has been nec- 
 essary to keep up appearances ! And what 
 irksomeness has been endured in being so often 
 eno;afred in the exercises of unfelt devotion ! 
 And what excuses have been made for omitting 
 duties, against the drudgery of which the alien- 
 ated heart has revolted ! And what can be 
 more likely to impair conscience, and to pro- 
 duce impenitence, than ' lying against the Holy 
 Ghost ?' ' And what is the hope of the hyp- 
 ocrite, though she hath gained, when God 
 taketh away her soul ?' ' But we are per- 
 suaded better things of you, and things that
 
 162 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 accompany salvation, though we thus speak.' 
 Yet, though in your case, the reahty of god- 
 liness be indispensable, it is not sufficient. 
 Every thing in the claims of your calling re- 
 quires, not only that you should fear God, but 
 that you should fear God above many ; not 
 only that you should know the truth as it is in 
 Jesus, but be filled with the knowledge of his 
 will, in all wisdom and spiritual understanding ; 
 not only that you should be sincere and without 
 offence, until the day of Christ, but be thor- 
 oughly furnished unto all good works. 
 
 Here let me speak of your deportment — 
 With regard to them that are without. 
 With regard to other religious parties. 
 With regard to your own church and 
 congregation. 
 
 With regard to your family. 
 With regard to your husband. 
 
 First ; with regard to them that are 
 without. Of these your husband is to have 
 a ' good report, lest he fall into reproach and 
 the snare of the devil.' It must be the same
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 16'3 
 
 with you : for though less conspicuous than 
 himself, you will not escape observation. 
 
 You are required to be firm and decided. 
 You must keep your high and holy ground, 
 and not be drawn down into the course of this 
 world. If you comply with their wishes, and 
 conform to their maxims and manners, they 
 may like you more, but they will esteem you 
 less. It is by your consistency that you are 
 to strike and impress others. They will not 
 regard, what they see you make light of your- 
 selves : and surely you cannot evince the im- 
 portance you attach to the truths you profess, 
 by owning them at one time, and being ashamed 
 of them at another, according to the place and 
 company in which you are found : but only 
 by the constancy of your adherence to them, 
 and the sacrifices you are ready to make in 
 their defence. 
 
 Yet tenderness must be connected with de- 
 cision, both to qualify it, and to prove the 
 source from which it results — that it is not 
 the offspring of obstinacy, but principle ; that 
 it is not self-will, but a regard to the will of 
 God ; that it is not prejudice, but enlightened
 
 164 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 conviction. Whoever in this cause contends 
 earnestly, must yet strive lawfully. A polemic 
 of your sex is rarely desirable. A theological 
 Joan of Arc we would rather dechne ahogetli- 
 er. The Amazons of orthodoxy, as those of 
 old, may amputate the breast, the better to 
 draw the bow : but we prefer their feeling to 
 their fierceness ; and their charms to their 
 courage. They are not only most lovely, but 
 most efficient, when unarmed, and attired in 
 the meekness and gentleness of Jesus Christ. 
 In your social intercourse, be careful to unite 
 discretion with integrity. Be concerned not 
 only to maintain your reputation, but the hon- 
 our of your religion. Do not imagine that 
 truth is an altar that sanctifies every offering. 
 Plead for no doctrine in an uncharitable tem- 
 per. Christian faithfulness does not require 
 ill-nature ; and gains nothing by ill-breeding. 
 It is a poor way of usefulness, to lose all future 
 opportunities of doing good to your fellow- 
 creatures, by driving them away from your 
 presence, or hardening their minds against you. 
 Yet how often is this done by the haughtiness
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 165 
 
 of reproof ! or the violence of controversy I 
 or the rancour of party zeal ! 
 
 Treat no one with rudeness or neglect. 
 Shun the spirit of the Pharisee, trusting in 
 himself that he is righteous, and despising 
 others : ' Stand by thyself; come not near to 
 me ; I am holier than thou.' Mixing with 
 company prevents the appearance and suspi- 
 cion of unamiableness ; and has the effect of 
 promoting good neighbourhood, and general 
 good will. Remember that what gentility 
 would require of you as an accomplishment, 
 Christianity enjoins upon you as a virtue ; and 
 what a woman of good breeding receives from 
 education, you are to derive from religion ; and 
 what is only in tlie people of the world the 
 hoUowness of ceremony, is to be in you the 
 reality of principle. ' Politeness,' says lord 
 Chatham, ' is benevolence in little things.' It 
 consists in general attention ; in doing civil 
 offices, and using kind words to all ; in keeping 
 every offensive subject out of view ; in never 
 obtruding your own partialities ; but always 
 minutely regarding the wishes of others ; in 
 accommodating yourselves as much as you
 
 166' THE DUTIES OP 
 
 mnocently can, to their habits and tastes ; in 
 forgetting yourselves, and obliging every one 
 about you. And what says the scripture ? 
 * Let every one of us please his neighbour for 
 his good to edification.' This is the way to 
 adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour ; and 
 to render the gospel not only impressive, but 
 attractive. This is the way to walk in wisdom 
 towards them that are without, so as to remove 
 their prejudices, and bring them over to your 
 cause — and Mie that winneth souls, is wise.' 
 Be kind and merciful, as well as obliging. 
 Always regard the afflicted. The hour of 
 trouble is a season of moral impressiveness : 
 the heart is then more serious and more soft. 
 While the daughters of vanity and dissipation 
 turn away from the abodes of penury and wo ; 
 be you a little image of Him, who is a very 
 present help in trouble. When Mr. Howard 
 presented his wife with a purse of one hundred 
 guineas to enable her to take a summer's ex- 
 cursion : ^ what a pretty cottage,' ~ said she, 
 ' will this build for a poor family !' How much 
 more pure, and satisfying and durable, was the 
 pleasure the sight of this litde temple of charity
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 167 
 
 afforded her, than what she could have derived 
 from a visit to a watering-place ! It was a 
 common saying of the Lord Jesus, who, from 
 experience, knew the deliciousness infinitely 
 better than any other being : ' It is more bless- 
 ed to give than to receive.' It is to be la- 
 mented, that many in your station have it so 
 little in their power to gratify their benevolence : 
 but whatever resources your husband com- 
 mands, he will readily allow you a share of 
 the pleasure and honour arising from the ap- 
 plication of them : and the beneficence which 
 should distinguish a minister's wife, is not con- 
 fined to alms-givings. There are alms-deeds. 
 There are numberless ways in which a feeling 
 heart can reach distress. When it cannot 
 succour, it can soothe. 
 
 It is important to be able to give advice to 
 the poor. They are often thriftless and waste- 
 ful, from ignorance, as much as from negligence. 
 But they may be taught to make a little go a 
 great way ; and actual and personal instruction 
 may do much more than printed tracts. 
 
 Some little knowledge also of medicine 
 would be always an instrument of usefulness
 
 168 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 in female chanty ; and none could more ad- 
 vantageously use it than a pastor's wife. 
 
 Your sex are sometimes called angels. Tlie 
 design has not always been laudable : and the 
 flattery, it is to be feared, has sometimes turned 
 them into fallen angels. But you may tmly 
 deserve the praise of the title. Our Saviour, 
 speaking of children, says, ' Despise not one of 
 these little ones ; for their angels do always 
 behold the face of my Father who is in heaven.' 
 And, says Paul, ' Are they not all ministering 
 spirits, sent forth to minister unto them that 
 are the heirs of salvation?' Make these beau- 
 tiful and lovely creatures your models. A 
 female is never so angelical as when she adds 
 to her personal graces the moral attractions ; 
 and displays the tender heart ; the melting 
 eye ; the soft hand binding up the wounded 
 spirit ; and the foot with eager steps at the 
 door of misery, visiting the fatherless and the 
 widows in their affliction. 
 
 Secondly; with regard to other religious 
 PARTIES. You must not judge of persons by 
 their walking with you, in the outward fellow-
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER, 169 
 
 ship of the gospel. They may assemble in 
 other places, and belong to other denomina- 
 tions, in which the worship of the Spirit is 
 equally maintained, and the word of life is 
 equally preached ; and be members of the one 
 true church of the living God. And being 
 such, you are not at liberty to show an indif- 
 ference to them. You must be able to say, 
 ' Grace be with all them that love our Lord 
 Jesus Christ in sincerity :' * Whosoever shall 
 do the will of my Father who is in heaven, 
 the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.' 
 As your husband professes to maintain the 
 character of a w^orker together with all those 
 who hold the same essential truth, though they 
 differ from him in matters of inferior moment ; 
 you should aim and endeavour to cherish in 
 him the spirit of love and concord. Be not 
 ofiended or grieved at hearing the commen- 
 dations and successes of other ministers, as if 
 they eclipsed the excellencies, or detracted from 
 the usefulness, of one for whom it is natural 
 that you should feel peculiarly concerned. 
 He that soweth, and he that reapeth, may 
 rejoice together. He that planteth, and he 
 15
 
 170 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 that watereth, are not enemies or rivals. The 
 various officers in an army, and the various 
 builders in the house, require and aid each 
 other. 
 
 When the Wesleyan Methodists opened a 
 Chapel at Painsvv^ick, near his own meeting, 
 the late excellent Cornelius Winter prayed 
 three times publicly the preceding Sabbath for 
 their encouragement and success. When Mr. 
 Hoskins, of Bristol, the Independent Minister 
 of Castle-Green, opened a Meeting in Temple 
 Street ; what did the incomparable Easter- 
 brooke, the vicar of the parish ? The morning 
 it was opened, he was almost the first that 
 entered it. He seated himself near the pulpit. 
 When the service was over, he met the preacher 
 at the foot of the stairs, and shaking him with 
 both hands, said aloud ; ' I thank you cordially, 
 my dear brother, for coming to my help — 
 here is room enough for us both ; and w^ork 
 enough for us both ; and much more than we 
 can both accomplish: and I hope the Lord 
 will bless our co-operation in this good cause.' 
 
 There is too little of this in many neigh- 
 bourhoods ; so that if the leaders of the several
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. J 71 
 
 interests are not in a state of hostility, they are 
 estranged, and shy of each other. And there 
 is often, we fear, a secret influence exerted 
 'Very near the throne ; and arising, not from a 
 bad heart, but quick and feverish feehng, that 
 contributes to produce and perpetuate the 
 effect. 
 
 A man cannot receive a higher commission 
 than the ministry of the word ; and such we 
 are commanded to esteem very highly in love 
 for their works' sake. Their acceptance is 
 necessary to their usefulness ; and their repu- 
 tation is necessary to their acceptance. Be- 
 ware, therefore, of speaking freely or lightly 
 of the character and claims of any of God's 
 servants. Remember how Miriam erred in 
 her flippancy, when, jealous of the popularity 
 of Moses, she endeavoured to lower him com- 
 paratively in the estimation of the people. 
 God was displeased. The cloud removed from 
 the tabernacle. And ' she became a leper as 
 white as snow.' And was ' ashamed' to be 
 seen abroad ' for seven days.' Crimes are not 
 immediately and visibly judged now, as they 
 were under a former dispensation. And it is
 
 172 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 well they are not. If Miriam's infirmity was 
 followed by Miriam's correction, we know 
 some handsome faces, and some not very hand- 
 some, whose cadaverous complexion would 
 soon require seclusion and concealment ; while 
 the mortified sufferers would be grateful for 
 the prayers of those they have laboured to 
 supplant or depreciate, to restore them to 
 comeliness and sight. ' Wherefore then were 
 ye not afraid to speak against my servant 
 Moses ?' 
 
 Thirdly ; with regard to your own church 
 AND CONGREGATION. Hcrc, like your hus- 
 band, you are to be ' an example of the be- 
 lievers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in 
 spirit, in faith, in purity.' 
 
 Never let your behaviour be so reserved, as 
 to appear haughty and disdainful towards any 
 of the members or attendants ; especially any 
 of those in humbler life. A little partiality 
 here, will be sure to awaken the remark ; ' The 
 rich have many friends.' Your leaning should 
 should rather be to the other side ; not only 
 because it will do more honour to your motive,
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 173 
 
 and you will be complying with the injunction, 
 * condescend to men of low estate ;' but also be- 
 cause so many of the subjects of divine grace 
 are found among the poor of this world ; no 
 few of whom are rich in faith ; and able, fi'om 
 their own experience, to reward your inter- 
 course with them. 
 
 Never be drawn into excessive attachments. 
 They gender envy and provoke reflection. 
 Like himself, a minister's wife is hardly allowed 
 friendship ; at least, great and engrossing in- 
 timacies. She stands in the same relation to 
 many ; and must be respectful and attentive 
 to all. If she cannot hinder the existence of 
 particular feelings and preferences ; she may, 
 she must learn to rule the expression of them. 
 Many in your rank, especially the narrow- 
 minded and the ill-educated, always have their 
 cronies, a kind of low favourites, decent de- 
 pendents, the collectors of all the news of the 
 church, congregation, and neighbourhood, and 
 who can feed their entertainers with timely 
 selections, according to their peculiar appetite 
 and wishes, with w^hich they are perfectly 
 acquainted. Flee these. Beware of all news-
 
 174 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 mongers. Frown them to a distance. ChlH 
 them into silence. What says the proverb ? 
 ^ The receiver is as bad as the thief.' What 
 says the witty and sarcastical South ? ' The 
 tale-bearer, and the tale-hearer, should be both 
 punished together; only the one should be 
 hung up by the tongue, and the other by the 
 ear.' 
 
 After all your caution, there are things 
 which you will unavoidably hear ; but you 
 must hear them, as if you heard them not, and 
 you need not relate them. Be not suspicious, 
 yet never be too open. Never put yourself, 
 by imprudent confidence, in the power of any. 
 Never betray secrets, the divulging of which 
 may involve you in embarrassment or disgrace. 
 
 Keep yourself aloof from all breaches in the 
 families of your people, and any differences 
 that may arise in the church or congregation. 
 There is danger here, from your being, with 
 regard to such things, in the w^ay of much 
 prattling information ; and unless you are 
 guarded, you will be easily drawn in, and be- 
 come a partizan : and when a female has taken 
 her side, which seldom requires much time ;
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 175 
 
 she is apt to be more open than false ; and 
 frequently feels and expresses more than prin- 
 ciple, or at least prudence, can justify. Never 
 show or wish to be 'a judge and a divider.' 
 Never be found in the Ecclesiastical Court. 
 Leave these matters to those to whom they 
 properly belong, and who ' have the ride.' I 
 never knew a minister's wife, but was esteemed 
 and admired in proportion as she shunned con- 
 tention and intermeddling, and kept within the 
 duties of her own appropriate and lovely sphere. 
 It is better to withdraw, and retire, and weep, 
 and pray, than to excite notice, and gain par- 
 tial praise, with the froward, and even the 
 forward in spirit. * Who is a wise' woman, 
 
 * and endued with knowledge ?' ' Let' her 
 
 * show out of a good conversation' her ' works 
 with meekness of wisdom. For where envy 
 and strife is, there is confusion, and every evil 
 work. But the wisdom that is from above, is 
 first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to 
 be entreated ; full of mercy and good fruits ; 
 without partiality, and without hypocrisy. 
 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace, 
 of them that make peace.'
 
 176 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 In the visits you pay and receive, be always 
 ready to encourage religious discourse. Let 
 this appear to be the element the most con- 
 genial with your spirit. Let your speech turn 
 habitually on subjects, rather than persons. 
 Especially, speak evil of no man. ' Upon her 
 tongue was the law of kindness.' In a general 
 way, be rather reserved than over communi- 
 cative. We have many good discourses, says 
 archbishop Tillotson, on the excellency of 
 speech ; we want one now on the excellency 
 of silence. ^ In the multitude of words there 
 wanteth not sin.' How often does Solomon, 
 the wisest of mortals, enforce a comparative 
 backwardness to speak. In one place he tells 
 us it is safe ; in another, it is wise ; in a third, 
 it is dignified ; in a fourth, it is useful ; and 
 every where he extols it as a virtue. Nature, 
 my sister, teaches us this lesson as well as 
 scripture. It has given us two ears, but one 
 tongue : the former avenues are always left 
 open ; the latter organ is easily enclosed — as 
 much as to say, ^ Be swift to hear ; but slow 
 to speak.' Here, alas ! ^ who can understand 
 his errors ?' Who can read the testimony of
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 177 
 
 Jesus — ' Every idle word that men shall speak, 
 they shall give account thereof in the day of 
 judgment' — and not pray, ^ Set a watch, O 
 Lord, before my mouth : keep the door of 
 my lips !' If your connexions and intercourse 
 afford you more opportunities and excitements 
 to speak, so much the more necessary is it 
 that ' your speech should be always with grace, 
 seasoned v/ith salt.' I urge this, because of its 
 peculiar and neglected importance. Surely, 
 what James says of our sex will apply equally 
 to yours, especially to a female in your relation. 
 ^ If any man offend not in word, the same is a 
 perfect man ; and able also to bridle the whole 
 body.' 
 
 Fourthly ; with regard to your family. 
 By this I here mean servants and children. 
 
 Upon the former I shall not much enlarge. 
 Surely, in the treatment of your servants, it 
 will not be necessary to remind you, that you 
 have a Master in heaven, and that there is no 
 respect of persons with God. He that has 
 created you, made them. No being is des- 
 picable as a creature of the Most High, sq 
 16
 
 178 THE DUTIES OP 
 
 fearfully and wonderfully made : and no on6 
 is to be contemned on the ground of power 
 and influence. Domestics can injure you ; 
 their very situation gives them peculiar means 
 and opportunities ; and they may employ their 
 advantage in ways of which you have no ap- 
 prehension) and which render counteraction 
 difficult or impossible. It is never desirable 
 to wage w^ar with inferiors : you must descend 
 to the same lowness of contention, and employ 
 weapons, in the use of which, they are likely 
 to be much more expert than yourself, while 
 the sympathy of beholders will be most natur- 
 ally drawn to the weaker side. Think not a 
 hint of this kind beneath your notice. It will 
 procure you more discredit than you are aware 
 of, to be always, or often, changing your ser- 
 vants ; or to wear the character of a harsh, 
 scolding, close, stingy mistress. 
 
 Sink not your proper distinction, by suffer- 
 ing your affability to degenerate into familiari- 
 ties. Neither let your kindness disappear in 
 your authority. Servitude being established 
 against the natural equality of mankind, should 
 be softened as much as the duties of it will
 
 THE WIFE OP A MINISTER. 179 
 
 allow. Consider your servants as humble 
 friends. Little minds endeavour to support 
 their consequence by distance and hauteur : 
 but true dignity is always condescending and 
 tender : and in a woman, we admire, not what 
 is stately, but what is endearing ; not what is 
 dazzling, but what is mild and lovely ; not 
 what is great, but what is graceful. Forbear 
 threatening. Distinguish between mistakes, 
 and the want of principle. Pass by little in- 
 firmities. Is it reasonable that the mistress 
 should exact from a servant, the perfection, 
 the servant can never expect from the mistress ? 
 Afford your domestics occasional indulgence ; 
 and especially moments for reasonable visits to 
 their relations and friends. Let the readiness 
 to commend you to others, the tear when you 
 leave home, the beaming countenance when 
 you return, the eager and uncomplaining at- 
 tendance and watching by day and night in 
 your sicloiess, show that you have gained the 
 heart, as well as hired the hand, and are served, 
 not by the sullenness of fear, but the cheerful- 
 ness of affection. Above all, you will not 
 overlook the moral and spmtual welfare of
 
 180 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 those who are not only under your command 
 but under your care — and you will care for 
 their souls. You wull not only give them op- 
 portunity to attend the means of grace, and 
 family worship ; but you w^ill personally in- 
 struct, reprove, encourage them. However 
 ignorant they may come into your service, it 
 will be a disgrace to the mistress for them to 
 depart unable to read the scriptures. 
 
 With regard to the children the Lord may 
 graciously give you, your husband of course 
 will share with you in the discharge of paren- 
 tal duty. But though, here, you are not ex- 
 clusively, yet you are really, you are deeply, 
 and, in some respects, peculiarly concerned. 
 In all the animal creation, the maternal instincts 
 are the most powerful ; and the wisdom of the 
 provision is obvious — the rearing of their off- 
 spring almost entirely belongs to the mother. 
 In the education of children — of the daughters 
 till they are married ; and of the sons till a 
 certain age — the care falls chiefly on the fe- 
 male. To her belong unquestionably the first 
 years of both ; and those periods are tlie most 
 tender and ductile. Her share of tuition,
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 181 
 
 tlierefore, begins very early ; and it cannot 
 begin too early. Infants are impressed before 
 they are supposed to be receptive of impres- 
 sion ; and they are proceeding in a direction 
 before we think they are capable of motion. 
 They can remember before they can reason ; 
 and they can judge before they can speak ; 
 as you see by their looks and gestures, their 
 attractions and their aversions. Here your 
 wisdom and your vigilance must be awake, 
 instantly to seize and improve opportunities, 
 apparently insignificant, but most serious in 
 their effects. The roads that lead to places 
 very remote from each other, diverge very 
 slenderly at their beginnings. When I wish 
 the branch of a tree in my garden to occupy 
 a particular space, I can guide it, while a suck- 
 er, with a thread : a kw years after it will 
 require a rope ; and the attempt to bend it will 
 be likely to break. 
 
 As a mother too, from his endeared depen- 
 dence upon you, you are sure of the child's 
 first and liveliest attachment. And you have 
 always the advantage of immediate access. 
 And you have also the influence of that insin-
 
 182 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 uation and address which our sex has not the 
 faculty to possess, or the patience to employ. 
 One of the absurd opinions of former times 
 was, that poison never diftused itself so quickly 
 and powerfully as when it was administered in 
 human milk — nothhig certainly affects so much 
 as what is imbibed with the mother's milk. 
 In the age of Silver, Hesiod says, poetically, 
 children continued, during an infancy of one 
 hundred years, under maternal care. 
 
 I am weary, said the ambitious Cornelia, 
 of being called Scipio's daughter. Do some- 
 thing, my sons, to style me the mother of the 
 Gracchi. What an honour will be conferred 
 on you, if you should be the means of rearing 
 a disciple of Jesus ! an heir of God ! a minis- 
 ter of the gospel ! an ambassador to the hea- 
 then ! And why should you be discouraged ? 
 We know that human nature is depraved ; but 
 w^e know the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 
 We do not think of your success without his 
 blessing ; but we encourage you to seek it : 
 and while, in dependence upon it, you employ 
 all the means in your power, remember his 
 own word : ' Train up a child in the way that
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 183 
 
 he should go, and when he is old he will not 
 depart from it.' This is indeed a proverb, and 
 therefore admits of exceptions : but, as a pro- 
 verb, it must be generally true : and where 
 the mother has performed her part, there are 
 few failures, at least eventual failures. For a 
 time she may have seemed to labour in vain ; 
 but she sowed the seed in good season ; and 
 though impatience deemed it dead, some after- 
 showers and sunshines caused it to spring up, 
 and bring forth fmit. So it was with the 
 mother of Augustine. You have also heard, 
 to the same effect, the grateful acknowledg- 
 ments of a Newton and a Cecil in later times. 
 While many, by maternal influence, have been 
 reclaimed from the paths of the Destroyer, 
 others, and who can tell their number, others 
 have been preserved, and have feared the Lord 
 from their youth and their infancy. This was 
 the case with Samuel and Timothy ; the Jew- 
 ish church being indebted for the former to 
 Hannah, and the Christian church to Lois and 
 Eunice for the latter. David does not any 
 where refer to Jesse ; but, says he, ' Save the 
 son of thine handmaid.' ^ I am the son of
 
 184 "I^HE DUTIES OF 
 
 thine handmaid.' And who can tell what 
 early and touching recollections of her early, 
 and tender, and pious solicitude, he felt at the 
 moment of such appeals ? 
 
 At our ordinations, when the candidate has 
 been asked a reason of the hope that he has 
 been called by divine grace, how often, if he 
 has adverted to the means, has a tear, which 
 instantly drew forth kindred drops from the 
 eyes of others, almost interrupted the confes- 
 sion, ' I had the advantage of a pious mother.' 
 
 You cannot have forgotten the acknowledg- 
 ment, on the preceding day, of one so dear to 
 you : ' I have no miracle to publish : I have 
 no surprising or sudden change to relate ; but 
 blessed be his name, I was brought up in the 
 nurture and admonition of the Lord ; the tak- 
 ing of my little hand in her's ; I think I feel 
 it still, and leading me aside to pray ; her 
 concern on returning from the house of God, 
 to enable me to remember and understand the 
 sermon ; the murmur of her dear voice at her 
 devotion as I passed her chamber door ; the 
 maxims and principles she lodged in my infant 
 mind ; the tears that bedewed her reproofs ;
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 185 
 
 the caresses that enforced her entreaties ; her 
 cheerflilness, that constantly said, ' O taste and 
 see that the Lord is good ;' her example, that 
 embodied her religion, and made it as lovely 
 as herself — these endear the memory of a 
 mother, from whom, under God, I have derived 
 my spiritual, as well as my natural life.' 
 
 You are not commonly In danger of injuring 
 or overlooking the health of your offspring 
 Intentionally ; but wisdom is profitable to di- 
 rect. A little medical advice, and observation 
 and experience in the service of common sense, 
 will enable you to see the importance of air 
 and exercise, of sweetening the blood by a 
 proper choice of food, and of preventing ail- 
 ments by simplicity of diet, and keeping nature 
 unclogged by excess. Never accustom them 
 at table to choose for themselves : you are the 
 best judge as to the quality and measure of 
 their provisions ; and they cannot be too early 
 taught to give up self-will to superior wisdom. 
 
 Were I addressing your partner, I should 
 say, ' Fathers, provoke not your children to 
 anger, lest they be discouraged.' But your 
 danger generally lies on the other side. There-
 
 186 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 fore, beware of fond and foolish indulgence. 
 Trifles may be passed over, and some minor 
 offences be safely buried in the bosom of ma- 
 ternal tenderness ; but conceal no faults your 
 children may commit, of a more serious nature, 
 from the father ; nor, if you privately plead 
 for the softening of correction, never counteract 
 the effort of rebuke, by appearing to oppose 
 it at the time. In all matters of moral rule 
 and discipline, nothing is more necessary than 
 for the parents to be seen agreed and decided. 
 
 Endeavour to cultivate the manners of your 
 children ; and render them examples of good 
 behaviour. If they are forward, and imper- 
 tinent, and rude, and disorderly, insulting to 
 inferiors, disrespectful to superiors, disobedient 
 to parents, the minister as well as the mother 
 will be blamed ; for he is to be ' one that 
 ruleth well his own house, having his children 
 in subjection with all gravity. For if a man 
 know not how to rule his own house, how shall 
 he take care of the church of God ?' 
 
 Be not regardless of their dress. Let it not 
 be costly and fine. If, through the inconsid- 
 eration of friendship, things are given them,
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 187 
 
 above the propriety of their condition, let them 
 be refused, or exchanged, or ahered. Instead 
 of cherishing, even indirectly, a fondness for 
 attire, endeavour to subdue, or rather prevent 
 it. This, however, requires much skilfulness, 
 especially with daughters ; and all precepts 
 will be more than vain, unless they are enforced 
 by your own example. 
 
 Keep them from visiting too much. Some, 
 from a regard to their father's character and 
 office, may not only invite your children, but 
 contribute to spoil them, by making too much 
 of them ; and giving them ideas and feelings 
 above their rank. On this principle, they 
 should rarely, if ever, visit famihes of superior 
 condition, lest they should grow dissatisfied 
 with the plainness and sobrieties of home. 
 
 And push them not too soon and too much 
 into observation. Especially when your chil- 
 dren are present, never in company notice and 
 extol any particular quality or attainment ; 
 with regard to which, you will thereby assur- 
 edly render them false and vain ; and stimulate 
 them to forwardness and talking, against which 
 you cannot guard them too much. Hearing
 
 188 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 you thus admire them, they think every one 
 else does the same. In your attentions to 
 them, therefore, before others, let them not 
 perceive any particular solicitude on your part 
 to set them off by their talents. Be content 
 to form their minds by slow degrees ; and re- 
 member, that if it were in your power to ad- 
 vance them in knowledge beyond their years, 
 it would not be desirable ; for \vhat is the 
 advantage of premature ability, compared with 
 the danger of pride, arrogance, and self-suffi- 
 ciency ? 
 
 No ; nor in their absence be even eager to 
 bring forth their parts and sayings. Not only 
 does modesty require this, but a regard to the 
 feelings of others : you have no right to em- 
 barrass your company, by obliging them to 
 commend and admire things which they may 
 not deem so wonderful and clever as the moth- 
 er. What a child had Mary ! How many 
 prodigies could she have brought forw^ard ! 
 ' But Mary kept all these things, and pondered 
 them in her heart.' I am aware that this ma- 
 ternal propensity is not peculiar to the wives 
 of ministers ; but they are more in danger of
 
 THE WIFE OF A M!N STER. 189 
 
 it than many others, and the weakness will be 
 more observable in them. 
 
 Devote a portion of your time expressly 
 every day to the improvement of your infant 
 charge. Prudence must determine when, and 
 how long it should be ; but after deciding, be 
 persevering and firm in adhering to your plan ; 
 and let interrupters no more break in upon it, 
 than upon the time sacred to the studies of 
 your husband. 
 
 Especially employ, without making it irk- 
 some and tiresome, a portion of the Sabbath 
 to the examination and instruction of your 
 children. Yet we have known the wives of 
 some ministers, who have been fonder of at- 
 tending Sunday schools, and addressing them, 
 than of being ^ teachers of babes' at home. 
 Sunday schools must have their attendance, 
 and much praise is due to those who dedicate 
 to their service so many of their hours : but 
 if persons have originated families, these must 
 be their first care : ' He that provideth not for 
 his own, especially those of his own house, 
 hath denied the faith, and is worse than an 
 infidel.'
 
 190 THE DUTIES OP 
 
 Fifthly ; with regard to your husband. 
 He is your chosen and dearest relation ; and 
 in this connexion another is involved. Your 
 husband is also your pastor ; and thus an ad- 
 ditional reason is furnished why you should 
 * reverence' him, and ' submit' to him. It is 
 little honourable to any party, when, not only 
 the head of the family, but the ruler of the 
 synagogue, is supposed to be under govern- 
 ment. In whose hand soever the sceptre be 
 found, it is the sign of dominion ; and however 
 softly it may be swayed, they who are under 
 it are the subjects. But, indeed, women who 
 assume the reins, seldom manage them with 
 moderation, or dignity. All usurpers, whatever 
 was their previous disposition, incline to tyran- 
 ny and display ; and, unlike those who natur- 
 ally and legitimately govern, are never satisfied 
 but as their power is felt and acknowledged. 
 
 In no case does it become the wife to exer- 
 cise authority over the man she has promised 
 to obey : and she is a vain and a weak woman, 
 who exposes to observation even the influence 
 which in many cases she is justified in using. 
 Whom does the poet commend ?
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 191 
 
 ' She, who ne'er answers till her husband cools, 
 Or, if she rules him, never shows she rules ; 
 Charms by accepting, by submission sways. 
 Yet has her humour most when slie obeys.' 
 
 When Livla had attained such an ascendan- 
 cy over her husband Augustus that there was 
 hardly any thing he would refuse her, though 
 emperor of the world, many of the married 
 ladies of Rome were anxious to know the se- 
 cret and the source of her success : to w^hom 
 she replied, ' 1 rule by obeying.' We need 
 not inquire from what cause it arises, but a 
 man soon acquires a notion of the superiority 
 of his own sex. This 
 
 • Grows with his growth, and strengthens with his strength.' 
 
 He is tenacious to maintain it ; and therefore 
 is jealous of every attempt to reduce it. But 
 it has been observed, that he possesses at the 
 same time a sentimental tenderness tow^ards 
 the other sex ; and an inclination to please 
 and indulge them ; and thus, while he w^ould 
 domineer, he is subdued. This has been call- 
 ed his weak side. Be it so ; the use of it is 
 obvious ; and a w^oman of sense can always 
 turn it to advantage, and found on it a better 
 dominion than authority — an empire of address
 
 192 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 and affection ; caresses, her orders ; tears, her 
 menaces ; and silence and submission, her 
 arms. Here she can do wonders, because she 
 appeals to nature itself; and is supported by a 
 principle implanted in us by the wise Creator 
 to humble the pride of power, and to compen- 
 sate those who have not the force to conquer, 
 by giving them the fascination to charm. 
 
 Never forget, therefore, that your means of 
 sway must have for their basis, gentleness, 
 sweetness, and good temper ; and that they 
 must be so exercised, as to allow your husband 
 to believe that he is supporting his sovereignty, 
 even while he is yielding it. The show even 
 of influence will alarm his vanity and conse- 
 quence ; but the discovery of your intention 
 to succeed, by any thing like authority, harsh- 
 ness, or sullenness, will not only produce dis- 
 appointment, but gender resistance or disgust. 
 No man of feeling was ever proof against the 
 kindness of a sensible woman : but where, in 
 all history, can an instance be produced, in 
 which an ascendancy over him has been ob- 
 tained by frowardness, scolding, and strife for 
 pre-eminence ?
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 193 
 
 Observe, however, that what we have said 
 of influence, goes not to justify that low and 
 artful cunning, by which some endeavour to 
 carry a favourite purpose. If we can depend 
 upon the writers of a former age, the grand 
 resource of a lady, whose lord denied her any 
 thing on which she had set her heart, was to 
 fall into an hysteric. The ministry of fits and 
 vapours seems now to be nearly closed. But, 
 says an excellent writer, ' Let not the disposi- 
 tions, by which it w^as introduced and upheld, 
 be found to survive its fall. Let it ever be 
 remembered that she, who by teazing, by 
 wheedling, by finesse, under any shape what- 
 ever, seeks to deceive or to weary into acqui- 
 escence or consent, acts no less plainly in 
 opposition to her duty of scriptural obedience, 
 than she would have done, had she driven him 
 into compliance by the menaces and w^eapons 
 of an Amazon.' 
 
 This general, but very important requisite 
 in your conduct towards your husband being 
 settled ; you will allow me to mention a few 
 other articles deserving your candid regard. 
 
 Such is an attention to his personal appear- 
 17
 
 194 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 ance. He will detest being a fop ; and you 
 will not allow him to be a sloven. You will 
 not wish to see him waving the ring on his lily 
 handj nor indulging 
 
 'A silly, fond conceit of his fair form 
 And just proportion, fashionable mien 
 And pretty face, in presence of his God.' 
 
 Even comparative 
 
 'Slovenly neglect, and rustic coarseness,* 
 
 are better than affectation and finicality. But 
 these are not good in themselves. Purity, 
 neatness, decency, become the man of God in 
 his appearance and apparel ; and his want of 
 it will draw reflection upon you. 
 
 Such is an attention to his property. 
 
 These must be the matters in which the 
 apostle says, the wife is to ' guide the house.' 
 Paul w^ould not have a minister entangled with 
 the affairs of this life ; that he may know how 
 to please Him that has called him to be a sol- 
 dier. Keep your husband as much as possible 
 disengaged from secular things, that he may 
 feel himself free for his work, both in the pre- 
 paration and the discharge. The kind of 
 keenness and cleverness in worldly business,
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 195 
 
 often admired in others, would have a lowering 
 effect in a minister. The pantry, the shop, 
 the market-place, the slang and the tricks of 
 the huckster, would be incongruous and dese- 
 crating in him. His tact is to be of another 
 order, and to evince itself in the things of God. 
 * Is it reason that we should leave the word of 
 God and serve tables ?' Therefore deacons 
 were appointed even to provide for the bodily 
 relief of the poor of the church ; while ' we,' 
 says the apostle, ^ give ourselves to prayer and 
 the ministry of the word.' 
 
 In vain the husband labours and gains, if 
 you, in your ill housewifery, are wilfully ex- 
 pensive ; or negligently profuse ; or ignorantly 
 wasteful. ' Every wise woman buildeth her 
 house ; but the foolish plucketh it down with 
 her hands.' Let nothing deprive you of the 
 commendation : ' She looketh well to the ways 
 of her household, and eateth not the bread of 
 idleness.' What is the cleverness of a female 
 showing away out of her sphere of duty ? what 
 is a sprightly wit ? a smartness in conversation ? 
 an epistolary talent ? or a smattering of the 
 languages ? Will these raise and recommend
 
 196 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 a woman in the midst of a neglected, ill-man- 
 aged, disordered, sinking family ? 
 
 Despise not a little knowledge of arithmetic 
 — some accomplishments may be much less 
 useful. Shun arrears. Be regular in demand- 
 ing, and punctual in discharging your weekly 
 accounts. If you commanded abundance, the 
 scripture would say to you, ' Gather up the 
 fragments, that nothing be lost ;' and there are 
 many purposes to which the fruit of frugality 
 may be applied ; but how absolutely indispen- 
 sable must inspection and strictness be, where 
 the resources to be managed are limited ! 
 
 It is not necessary that your husband should 
 appear as a gentleman, and awaken feelings 
 of rivalship in civil things among his people, 
 or neighbours. Never remind him of the su- 
 perior circumstances of others, or urge him 
 even indirectly to live beyond his means ; and 
 judge of these, not by his occasional, but ex- 
 pected income. Exercise every kind of self- 
 denial, rather than see him involved. How 
 trying to his feelings to be reduced to the 
 difficulty of borrowing ! How reproachful, 
 while calling upon others to provide things
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 197 
 
 honest, not only in the sight of the Lord, but 
 also in the sight of men, to incur the suspicion 
 of being unrighteous himself I' How can he 
 preach at all, with pleasure or freedom, though 
 others may as yet be ignorant, while he is 
 conscious of legal claims ready to be visited 
 upon him. 
 
 And here you are to display your economy. 
 You are not to regard this as a low, mean 
 thing, fit only for the vulgar. Solomon char- 
 acterizes his virtuous w^oman, though in high 
 life, principally by simplicity, diligence, regu- 
 larity, and domestic management : and in these 
 the ancient Greeks and Romans placed much 
 of female worth and excellence. 
 
 But what is economy ? It is not ' the stop- 
 ping of one hole in the sieve.' It is not a 
 particular retrenchment, or an occasional sav- 
 ing. It is not the pinching of the servants, 
 and stinting the family one week, to give a 
 showy dinner the next. It is a mode of regu- 
 lation that eyes the whole detail of household 
 expense. It is the art, not of sordid saving, 
 but of making a little go a great way way. It 
 eludes meanness, as well as waste. Stinginess
 
 198 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 is one extreme, profuseness is another. Tliere 
 is a steering between them : but this is not 
 easy ; and it requires the judgment and skill 
 which some females seem to exercise by a 
 kind of intuition or instinct : so that they al- 
 ways appear to advantage ; unembarrassed ; 
 unconfused ; ready, without haste ; deciding, 
 as if without design ; and while causing every 
 thing to move in its proper time and place, 
 keeping the mechanism of the process invisible 
 — for the perfection of art is to conceal art. 
 
 An attention to his health of body. This 
 in his case is peculiarly important. It is not 
 only the source of his comfort and enjoyment, 
 but it is essential to his usefulness. What 
 confusion and disappointment result from the 
 sickness or indisposition of one on whose min- 
 istrations such numbers depend : for ' his lips 
 feed many.' Paul does not think it beneath 
 him to watch over the health of Timothy ; and 
 to prescribe for him like a physician ; ' Drink 
 no longer water, but use a little wine for thy 
 stomach's sake, and thine often infirmities.' 
 
 Study therefore your husband's constitutional 
 liableness to injury ; not to render him soft^
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 199 
 
 and effeminate, and fanciful, but cautious, and 
 to aid him in the regulation of his mode of 
 living, as to sleep, and diet, and exercise. You 
 need not be afraid of propei^ application and 
 exertion. These, instead of injaring the health, 
 conduce to it. They give circulation to the 
 fluids, and prevent the evils of stagnation : 
 they hinder the rust of the mind, and keep the 
 powers polished, and easy of motion. But 
 there may be an overdoing. The machine 
 may be over-worked. You will be, perhaps, 
 by your constant and intimate observation, the 
 best judge of the degree of labour to which he 
 is equal. You will not be ignorant of his im- 
 paired digestion, his perturbed rest, his trem- 
 bling nerves, his depressed spirits, his exhausted 
 frame, and the low ebb of vigour when the 
 Sabbath is gone, and the Monday sees him not 
 living,* but existing only. And you must not 
 neglect to sound the timely alarm. And if 
 zeal, without knowledge or feeling, still urges 
 the same unremitting efforts ; and tells him 
 he cannot die in a better cause : if his spiritual 
 task-masters require the same tale of bricks : if 
 the three services of the day must still be exact-
 
 200 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 ed from wasting strength yet growing anxiety 
 — his blood will be upon the heads of his cruel 
 murderers : but you have delivered your soul. 
 An attention to his peace of mind. We 
 have met with some members of churches, 
 who kindly think that affliction and depression 
 are best for a minister. We are almost asham- 
 ed to use a coarse and unfeeling proverb among 
 them, quite worthy, however, of the employers, 
 and since we are not in the pulpit, let it come 
 out : ' That the preacher never preaches so 
 well as when the cow has trod upon his foot.^ 
 Yet it never seems to strike these cold, calcu- 
 lating reasoners, that they, as hearers, may be 
 benefited themselves by a similar experience ! 
 But if domestic distress be desirable for the 
 improvement of the preacher, so may any other 
 kind of rueful probation : and if the physcian, 
 in order to perfect him in his art, is to go 
 through all the complaints for which he pre- 
 scribes, he will have neither time nor ability 
 to practise. To dismiss this delicate figure, I 
 hope my brother's ' fair heifer' will not achieve 
 this species of service for him. I am sure she 
 will not. I am sure she will encourage him.
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 201 
 
 And he will require every favourable ex- 
 citement. His work is arduous. He has trials 
 in common with men ; and he has trials in 
 common with his fellow Christians : but he 
 has also various trials peculiar to himself ; and 
 you will best know this. You, indeed even 
 you, will not know all his heart's bitterness : 
 but you will hear enough, see enough, to con- 
 vince you that he, whose office it is to comfort 
 others, needs no little consolation himself And 
 your smiles can rainbow the cloud of grief. 
 Your soft hand can smooth the WTinkles of his 
 oppressed brow. Your gentle words, like the 
 fanning of an angel's wing, can cool the heatful 
 anguish of the mind. Your kind management 
 (a woman is never at a loss where comfort is 
 called for) can withdraw a distracting train of 
 thought, and substitute cheerful imagery. You 
 can remind him of instances of usefulness, when 
 he is complaining, ' I have laboured in vain, 
 and spent my strength for nought.' In his 
 doubts and fears, with regard to his own spir- 
 itual condition, and to such he is liable, you 
 can be the wife of IManoah, who said, ' If the 
 Lord were pleased to kill us, he would not 
 
 AS
 
 202 THE DUTIES OP 
 
 have received an offering at our hand ; nor 
 have shown us such things as these.' If among 
 his people he meets with mortifying defections^ 
 in such as should prove a comfort to him, he 
 will find one tried and faithful bosoln in which 
 he can safely repose. If he has storms abroad, 
 peace will be always awaiting him at home ' 
 and he will always enjoy a resource in that 
 unfailing good temper 
 
 Wliose unclouded ray 
 
 Can make to-niorrnw cheerful as to-day.' 
 
 You will, indeed, be every way anxious to 
 render his own abode, not only the tabernacle 
 of the righteous, but the dwelling-place of ten- 
 derness and comfort. In this, his safety as 
 well as his satisfaction will be much concerned. 
 We have known not only men, but ministers^ 
 who have fallen by temptation : and though 
 we by no means wish to justify or extenuate 
 their conduct, it is no secret, that in some in- 
 stances, at least, there has been little domestic 
 happiness and attraction. What attraction can 
 there be in sullenness ? or in peevishness ? or 
 in clamour ? ' Better is a dry morsel and 
 quietness therewith, than a house full of sacrl-
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 203 
 
 jfices with strife.' ' It is better to dwell in a 
 corner of the house-top, than with a brawling 
 woman in a wide house.' * A continual drop- 
 ping in a rainy day, and a contentious woman, 
 are alike. Whoso hideth her, hideth the wind, 
 and the ointment of his right hand that be- 
 wrayeth itself.' What attraction can there be 
 in negligence, disorder, slatternliness ? A dis- 
 regard of propriety, and especially neatness of 
 apparel, is in a female a fault that nothing can 
 expiate. Even religion will not excuse it. 
 There is a greater connexion between mental 
 and outward purity than some are aware of. 
 A female may be always judged of by her 
 dress. The founders of Methodism were ac- 
 customed to say, that cleanliness was next to 
 godliness. I have known a few exceptions to 
 this, in men. I never knew one in a woman. 
 Rely not too much on the rights of relation- 
 ship, however intimate the connexion may be, 
 and however endeared it ought to be. In 
 preserving and keeping alive attachment, you 
 must not absolutely depend upon the impres- 
 sions that awakened it. A woman is not to 
 presume on the certainty of homage, regardless
 
 204 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 of an attention to her manners. She is not^ 
 as soon as she has stepped over the threshold 
 of marriage, to drop the dehcacy, the decencies, 
 the engaging appearance by which she attract- 
 ed the lov^er. Men are ver)- selfish beings. 
 They have very little of your disinterested 
 feelings. You must not suffer, with them, 
 your amiableness to fail. And how is esteem 
 to be preserved, even when the fervour of 
 affection declines ? You cannot dream of per- 
 petual admiration. The roses and carnations 
 are for the summer months. What provision 
 is there for winter ? What woman is the most 
 universally valued ? The domestic. And 
 for your encouragement be assured, that the 
 more religious men are in their feelings, and 
 the more improved in their understandings, 
 the more certainly will they be attached to 
 domestic life ; always having an abundance 
 of entertainments in private and tranquil scenes, 
 unknown to the vulgar and the dissipated. 
 
 An attention to his official ministrations. 
 On these, I need not say, you will be sure to 
 attend regularly, when it is in your power. 
 But for this purpose you must value them.
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 205 
 
 And here you are likely to feel some difficul- 
 ties peculiar to your situation. A sage has 
 said, ' Domestic greatness is unattainable.' 
 The Saviour testifies that ' a prophet is not 
 without honour, save in his own country, and 
 in his own house.' And if this applied in a 
 measure even to himself, it will bear in an un- 
 speakably greater degree on all his imperfect 
 servants. Distance diminishes and conceals 
 defects ; while nearness discovers and enlarges 
 them. If familiarity does not breed contempt, 
 it reduces veneration, and injures many kinds 
 of impression. A husband must be a very 
 consistent character, and be known to act al- 
 ways from principle, to enable a wife to feel 
 under his services, as under those of a stranger, 
 whose excellences only, she has heard of, while 
 she is ignorant of the failings that would shade 
 them — and such we allow a husband who is 
 a minister ought to be : but even when he is 
 such, though he will be essentially, he cannot 
 be circumstantially the same always. He can- 
 not be constantly in his robes. It would be 
 affectation to attempt to keep up always the 
 formal dignity of his pulpit exercises. Yea, it
 
 206 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 would be absurd even to distinguish himself in 
 the ordinary actions and manners of life. He 
 cannot be the preacher only ; he must also 
 appear the man, the companion, the father : 
 
 ' And he will not blush, that has a father's heart, 
 To take in childish things a childish part.' 
 
 But hence an effort will be necessary, to see, 
 under all these common and familiar append- 
 ages of humanity, to recognize in one of like 
 passions with yourself, and compassed about 
 with infirmities, the man of God, the messenger 
 of Heaven, the herald of salvation ; to value 
 the treasure as divine, though you know that 
 it is contained in an earthen vessel ; and to 
 receive his word, ' not as the word of man, but 
 as it is in truth the word of God, that worketh 
 effectually in them tliat believe.' 
 
 An attention to his usefulness. I do not 
 mean that you should aid him in making his 
 sermons : he ought to be able to make these 
 himself; (neither should he steal his words 
 from his neighbour) but you may be a help- 
 mate to him, as to his personal religion ; and 
 need we say how much of the facility, and 
 excellence, and success of his work, as a min-
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 207 
 
 ister, will depend upon the spirituality of his 
 mind, and the devoutness of his heart ! You 
 may remind him of his engagements. You 
 may excite him to dihgence in his holy calling ; 
 especially in those parts of it that draw forth 
 less notice and praise. 
 
 Wherever he is found, he ought to be use- 
 ful ; and difilising the savour of the Redeemer's 
 knowledge in every place. Be not, therefore, 
 illiberal and selfish with regard to his company. 
 He ought to be a lover of home, and not to 
 be disposed to spend his evenings abroad ; for 
 ihey are seasons not only the most valuable to 
 himself, but the most free and favoured to a 
 female engaged in the affairs of a household 
 but sometimes he must be preaching abroad. 
 As to his civil visits, I hope he will never ac- 
 cept of an invitation in which you are not in- 
 cluded : but circumstances may render it prop^ 
 er for him to go, when you cannot accompany 
 him ; and in such cases you will not wish to 
 restrain him. Above all, you will not complain 
 of his absence, when you know that he is not 
 idling away his time in lounging calls and gos-- 
 siping talk, but is sedulously engaged in his
 
 208 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 Study. While he is endeavouring to do justice 
 to his intended subjects, and resolved not to 
 offer to the Lord that which costs him nothing, 
 you will even aid his people and the public, 
 by doing all in your power to secure him from 
 the disturbance of thoughtless intruders. 
 
 A long-standing connexion does credit both 
 to the pastor and the church : but ministers 
 become, not unfrequently, uneasy, and as the 
 expression is, moveable. It has been supposed 
 by some, that there is an unusual number of 
 these moveables in our day : and hence the 
 late Andrew Fuller, by a rough, but striking 
 metaphor, observed, in a letter published since 
 his death, that many of our modern preachers 
 seemed stung by the gad-fly. I fear that this 
 powerful stinger is sometimes a near relation. 
 Not that I throw the blame always upon the 
 wife — we know the composition of many min- 
 isters too well : but we also have seen enough 
 occasionally on her side, to justify our admon- 
 ishing you to beware of an unsettled and roving 
 spirit ; or of becoming too sensitive to the dif- 
 ficulties that may arise in your husband's resi- 
 dence.
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 209 
 
 In every situation there are trials. We are 
 acquainted with those in our present circum- 
 stances, and they press us ; but those of a new 
 condition are unfelt, and even unknown : yet 
 they may be equally, and even more numerous 
 and painful. When a man changes often, 
 there is danger of his getting, not only the 
 character, but the habit of a chans:elinor : and 
 a rolling stone gains no moss : and a tree al- 
 ways transplanting cannot radicate so as to be 
 firm, vigorous, and fruitful. We have known 
 ministers, who, yielding to mistaken views, or 
 present impressions, have stepped out of their 
 place ; and left not only their comfort, but 
 their usefulness behind them. Take heed, 
 therefore, how you in any way contribute to 
 this evil. You should hardly let your prefer- 
 ence, if you have one, be known, even to your 
 husband, while he is endeavouring sincerely to 
 ascertain what the will of God is, concerning him. 
 
 His reputation, too, will affect his usefulness. 
 And how much does this depend upon you ! 
 From your affection you will be eager to extol 
 him, and perhaps be angry with those who do 
 not join in your partial applause. But let
 
 210 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 me whisper a more excellent way. In the 
 Protestant churches of Hungary, they degrade 
 from his office the pastor, whose wife indulges 
 herself in cards, dancing, or any public amuse- 
 ment, that bespeaks a lover of the world, rather 
 than a Christian matron. This severity springs 
 from the supposition, that he should not have 
 chosen such a consort ; or that she, having 
 promised obedience, would not thus act without 
 his approbation or permission. If no law of 
 this kind is known among us, the spirit of it is 
 commonly felt and expressed. Ministers are 
 always in a measure blamed for the defects 
 and faults of their wives : the very pity that is 
 sometimes kindly expressed on their behalf, is 
 constructively a sort of censure. He who acts 
 imprudently and improperly in one case, espe- 
 cially if it be a matter of importance, will be 
 judged of by it, in other things, perhaps in all. 
 It is often said, that ministers, though they 
 have the best opportunities of selection, and 
 are under the greatest obligations to make a 
 wise choice, are commonly betrayed into alli- 
 ances the most ineligible. The reflection is 
 not a little invidious j and is by far too general.
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 211 
 
 I have the happiness of knowing many most 
 agreeable and very important exceptions. And 
 I am fully persuaded that you, my respected 
 friend, will be a striking addition to the num- 
 ber. You have it in your power to be so : 
 you have it in your disposition. It is your 
 aim, and it will be your attainment, to dignify 
 your station, and reflect honour on the judg- 
 ment, taste, and piety of your husband. 
 
 And be encouraged to go forward. You 
 will not lose your reward. You may not make 
 a splendid figure in history. You must not 
 expect, though so closely related to him, to 
 gain the same distinction and notice as a pop- 
 ular minister will obtain. While he is exalted 
 by his office, you are left to move chiefly in 
 scenes of comparative privacy. Your duties 
 are regular, sober, unstriking ; and furnish few 
 materials for common panegyric. Yet even 
 this very seeming disadvantage turns to your 
 account. It serves to raise your worth ; and 
 to promote and display the purity of your mo- 
 tive. You can go on with patient continuance 
 in well doing, without the excitement of pub- 
 licity, or the claps of the multitude.
 
 5J12 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 Nor will you be always undistinguished. 
 Your day is coming. You will share in the 
 revelation of Jesus Christ, when every one will 
 have praise of God according to their concern 
 to please him, and not according to the present 
 distributions of fame. And even now you are 
 proving what is that good and acceptable and 
 perfect will of God. Even now, your duties 
 are all important and indispensable. Even 
 now, in the convictions of reason and wisdom, 
 you are approved and ennobled. The heart 
 of your husband safely trusts in you ; so that 
 he hath no need of spoil : you will do him 
 good, and not evil, all the days of your life. 
 Your children will rise up and call you blessed. 
 Your domestics will thank God that even th-ey 
 came under your kind and pious care. Your 
 neighbours will commend you. The church 
 and all your religious connexions will honour 
 and love you. And God, even your own God, 
 will bless you. He who has redeemed you 
 by the death of his Son, and has called you 
 by his grace : He to whom you have dedicated 
 yourself, both in single and social life, saying, 
 Lord, I am thine, save me — He keeps a book
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 213 
 
 of remembrance : He forgets not your work of 
 faith and labour of love : He accepts you and 
 your services in the Beloved ; and in his favour 
 your horn shall be exalted. 
 
 And this consolatory assurance, my esteemed 
 friend, you will need. Your station has, in- 
 deed, its advantages, which it would be un- 
 grateful to overlook. Your intellectual, moral, 
 and spiritual privileges are above those of many. 
 You have frequent access to edifying company. 
 You have the entertainment and profit of books. 
 You have the habitual presence of one whose 
 lips keep knowledge. His education and ac- 
 quisitions prepare him for instructive and im- 
 proving conversation. His function calls him 
 to a regular life, exempt from the bustle and 
 competitions of the world ; and is every way 
 friendly to virtue and sensibility. His employ- 
 ment and his studies tend to soften, and refine, 
 and elevate his mind : while the extreme value 
 of character to his profession, is a spur to ex- 
 cellency, and a pledge of good deportment. 
 You have the honour of being connected, not 
 only with a man of grace, but ' a man of God ;' 
 not only with one who serves him, but serves
 
 214 THE DUTIES OP 
 
 at the altar ; and fills an office, as a preacher 
 of the gospel, which an angel might be induced 
 to envy. 
 
 But the honour and the advantages have 
 their counterbalancings. 1 hope you have 
 counted the cost ; and instead of complaining 
 of the difficulties before you, are determined 
 to be the more circumspect ; and the more 
 prayerful ; constantly seeking fresh supplies 
 of that grace which alone is sufficient for you 
 in all your duties, and in all your trials. 
 
 And trials you must not expect to escape. 
 From envy or ignorance you may often be 
 misjudged and misrepresented : for persons 
 who act upon principle, especially in peculiar 
 situations, cannot be comprehended by those, 
 * who w^alk as men ;' and people are always 
 more ready to be censorious than to be candid.' 
 in what they do not understand. Nothing is 
 more uncertain than the applause of the reli- 
 gious multitude. Your husband, now caressed, 
 may be neglected. His place, now crowded, 
 may be thinned of its attendants by one far his 
 inferior — unless in novelty, and lungs. Some 
 Diotrephes may love to liave the pre-eminence,
 
 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER, 215 
 
 and prate against him with malicious words. 
 A perverse spirit may be mingled in the midst 
 of a peaceful people. The Antinomian leaven 
 may corrupt the purity, and mar the prosperity 
 of the church. And at the discovery of his 
 perplexity and distress, a sword also may pierce 
 through your own soul. 
 
 The calling of your husband exposes him 
 to temptations ; and he may be injured by 
 them. He may yield to vain imaginations, 
 and high thoughts, tliat exalt themselves ; and 
 give up the simplicity there is in Christ Jesus. 
 If he does not embrace dangerous en^ors, he 
 may be enticed into some peculiarities, and 
 injure his influence by some religious freaks 
 and vagaries. He may be found among the 
 prophets. Instead of preaching repentance 
 towards God, and faith towards our Lord Jesus 
 Christ ; and having a word in season for him 
 that is weary : he may employ himself in 
 breaking open the seals, and blowing the 
 trumpets, and pouring out the vials of the 
 Apocalypse. The spiritual man may be mad. 
 Popular applause (for as the fining-pot for sil- 
 ver, and the furnace for gold, so is a man to
 
 216 THE DUTIES OF 
 
 his praise) may elevate him into pride and 
 arrogance. Entertained and idohzed as a very 
 agreeable and clever companion, he may grow 
 weary of the tameness of ordinary life ; and 
 disrelish home ; and leave you to serve alone 
 in the cares of a rising family. I dare not 
 suppose any thing further ; yet what changes 
 have we witnessed in a course of years ! Lord, 
 what is man ! 
 
 But it cannot be concealed that he is frail 
 and mortal. You may have to pray, ' Lord, 
 behold he whom Thou lovest is sick.' You 
 may be called to the trying alternative of leav- 
 ing a helpless babe, to accompany the father 
 who journeys for health. You may have to 
 watch at the side of the couch of infirmity, 
 and of the bed of languishing. You may have 
 to faint at the stillness of a dying hour ; and 
 only revive to learn that the guide of your 
 youth, the arm of your support, the comforter 
 that should relieve you soul, is gone ; and the 
 place that once knew him, will know him no 
 more forever ; his usual seat ; his favourite 
 walk ; the sacred desk where yet his image 
 seems to dwell —
 
 THE WIFE OP A MINISTER. 217 
 
 You may not only be left a widow. You 
 may be surrounded with bereaved children ; 
 and have to stniggle with hardships — perhaps 
 penury — perhaps neglect. Perhaps you may 
 be destined, like many who have gone before 
 you, to learn by experience the little posthu- 
 mous generosity and kindness there is, towards 
 the remnants of those who have worn out life 
 in the service of the religious public. ' Is 
 this Naomi ?' ' Call me not Naomi ; call me 
 Marah ; for the Almighty hath dealt very bit- 
 terly with me. I w^nt out full — ' 
 
 Yet some true friendship wull be found. 
 Some will show kindness to his house for Jon- 
 athan's sake. There are the grey-headed, 
 who are saying, ' I have been young and now 
 am old, yet I have never seen the righteous 
 forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. Even 
 in the cloudy and dark day, when the eye 
 pours out tears unto God, he will be your 
 refuge and strength ; a very present help in 
 trouble. Your departed friend, when dying, 
 heard him say, though you could not : ' Leave 
 thy fatherless children, I will preserve them 
 alive ; and let thy widow trust in me.' And 
 19
 
 *J^8 THE WIFE OF A MINISTER. 
 
 He is faithful who promised. Lean upon his 
 word, and you shall find him to be a ' Father 
 of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows in 
 his holy habitation.' 
 
 And if, while feeling the attraction of your 
 now glorified partner, who is waiting to receive 
 you to himself, you should yet linger long in 
 this vale of tears. He who has delivered will 
 deliver. He will guide you with his counsel ; 
 and when you approach the end of your jour- 
 ney, He will hear your prayer of faith : ' Cast 
 me not off in the time of old age, forsake me 
 not whea my strength faileth. Thou, who 
 hast shown me great and sore troubles, shalt 
 . quicken me again ; and bring me up again 
 from the dust of the earth. Thou shalt in- 
 crease my greatness, and comfort me on every 
 side.' ' And the days of thy mourning
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 Psalm cxviii. 15. 
 
 The voice of rejoicing is in the tabernacles of the righteous. 
 
 Nothing can more usefully engage our at- 
 tention than Human Nature and Human Life. 
 ^ The proper study of mankind is Man.' His 
 origin and his end ; the structure of his body 
 and the powers of his mind ; his situation and 
 his connexions ; are all capable of yielding us 
 boundless and edifying instruction. 
 
 In observing mankind, the private and fa- 
 miliar views of their character are by far the 
 most curious, interesting, and profitable. The 
 greater part of our history is composed of mi- 
 nute and common incidents : and little and 
 ordinary things serve more to discover a man, 
 and conduce more to render him useful, than 
 splendid and rare occurrences. Abroad, a man
 
 220 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 appears cautious ; at home, he is unreserved. 
 Abroad, he is artificial ; at home, he is real. 
 Abroad, he is serviceable ; at home, he is 
 necessary. And of this we may be fully as- 
 sured, that a man is in truth what he is in his 
 own family ; whether vicious or virtuous, ty- 
 rannical or mild, miserable or happy. 
 
 My brethren, we are going to enter one of 
 those houses, of which David speaks — a tab- 
 ernacle ' filled with the voice of rejoicing.' 
 
 Domestic felicity is our present subject. 
 Let us consider two things : the importance, 
 and the source of this happiness. 
 
 I. What may be said in commendation 
 
 OF IT. 
 
 II. What will be necessary to the 
 possession of it. 
 
 O Thou, who hast said, ' It is not good for 
 man to be alone,' ' God of the families of all 
 the earth,' may thy secret be upon our taber- 
 nacles. Under the influence of thy providence 
 and grace, may we derive from our unions all 
 the blessedness they are capable of affording : 
 and, to this end, guide and sanctify our medi- 
 tations.
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 221 
 
 I. One of the most agreeable scenes we 
 can ever survey upon earth, is a peaceful and 
 happy family : where friendship comes in to 
 draw more closely the bonds of nature ; where 
 the individuals resemble the huma« body, and 
 if one member suffer, all the members suffer 
 with it, and if one member be honoured, all 
 the members rejoice ; where every care is 
 divided, every sorrow diminished, every joy 
 redoubled, by discovery, by sympathy, by 
 communion ; where mutual confidence prevails, 
 and advice, consolation, and succour are re- 
 ciprocally given and received. To such a 
 sight God himself calls our attention. ^ Be- 
 hold how good and pleasant a thing it is for 
 brethren to dwell together in unity I' Some 
 things are good, but not pleasant ; and some 
 things are pleasant, but not good. Here both 
 are combined ; and the effect is fi'agrant as the 
 sacred perfume, and reviving as the influences 
 of Heaven. ' It is like the precious ointment 
 upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, 
 even Aaron's beard ; that went down to the 
 skirts of his garments ; as the dew of Hermon, 
 and as the dew that descended upon the moun-
 
 222 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 tains of Zlon : for there the Lord commanded 
 his blessing, even hfe forevermore.' Let us 
 establish the importance of domestic happi- 
 ness, by taking some particular views of its 
 connexions and influence. 
 
 And, First, We may consider it in reference 
 to our AVOCATIONS and cares. These are 
 numerous and diversified, and demand relaxa- 
 tion and relief. Who could endure perpetual 
 drudgery and fatigue ? and what so refreshing, 
 so soothing, so satisfying, as the placid joys of 
 home ! 
 
 See the traveller. Does duty call him for a 
 season to leave his beloved circle ? The im- 
 age of his earthly happiness continues vividly 
 in his remembrance ; it quickens him to dili- 
 gence ; it cheers him under difficulties ; it 
 makes him hail the hour which sees his pur- 
 pose accomplished, and his face turned towards 
 home ; it communes with him as he journeys ; 
 and he hears the promise which causes him to 
 hope, * Thou shalt know also that thy taber- 
 nacle shall be in peace ; and thou shalt visit 
 thy habitation, and not sin.' Oh, the joyful 
 re-union of a divided family ; the pleasures of
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 223 
 
 renewed interview and conversation, after days 
 of absence ! 
 
 Behold the man of science. He drops the 
 labour and painfulness of research, closes his 
 volume, smooths his wrinkled brows, leaves 
 his study, and unbending himself, stoops to the 
 capacities, yields to the wishes, and mingles 
 with the diversions of his children. And 
 
 'He will not blush that has a father's heart, 
 
 To take in childish jilay a childish part; 
 
 But bends his sturdy back to any toy 
 
 That youth takes pleasure in, to please his boy.' 
 
 Take the man of trade. What reconciles 
 him to the toil of business ? What enables 
 him to endure the fastidiousness and imperti- 
 nence of customers ? What rewards him for 
 so many hours of tedious confinement ? By- 
 and-by, the season of intercourse will arrive ; 
 he will be embosomed in the caresses of his 
 family ; he will behold the desire of his eyes, 
 and the children of his love, for whom he re- 
 signs his ease ; and in their welfare and smiles 
 he will find his recompense. 
 
 Yonder comes the labourer. He has borne 
 the burden and heat of the day : the descend-
 
 224 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS, 
 
 ing sun has released him from his toil, and he 
 is hastening home to enjoy repose. Half-way 
 down the lane, by the side of which stands his 
 cottage, his children run to meet him : one he 
 carries, and one he leads. The companion of 
 his humble life is ready to furnish him with his 
 plain repast. See, his toil-worn countenance 
 assumes an air of cheerfulness ; his hardships 
 are forgotten ; fatigue vanishes ; he eats, and 
 is satisfied ; the evening fair, he walks w^ith 
 uncovered head ai'ound his garden ; enters 
 again, and retires to rest : and ' the rest of a 
 labouring man is sweet, whether he eat httle 
 or much.' Inhabitant of this lonely, lowly 
 dwelling, who can be indifferent to thy com- 
 fort ! ' Peace be to this house.' 
 
 *Let not ambition mock thy useful toils. 
 Thy HOMELY joys, atiil destiny obscure; 
 
 Nor gramleur hear, with a disdainful smile. 
 The short and simple annaU of the poor.' 
 
 Secondly, We may consider this happiness 
 in reference to the afflictions of life. It 
 looks like a general remedy, furnished by the 
 kindness of Providence, to alleviate the troubles 
 which, fi"om various quarters, we unavoidab}y
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 225 
 
 feel while passing through this world of vanity 
 and vexation of spirit. How many little sigh- 
 ing vacancies does it fill up ! How many 
 cloudy, nervous vapours does it chase from the 
 mind ! Whose frowns and gloom will not the 
 mirth of a child dissipate ? What corroding 
 anxieties will not retire from the attentions of 
 a virtuous wife ! What a consolation is her 
 gentleness ! Who has not experienced its 
 healing, enlivening influence, in the day of 
 sickness and in the hour of depression ? Is 
 your confidence frequently checked by the 
 baseness and dissimulation of mankind ? Here 
 your candor recovers, and you are reconciled 
 to your fellow creatures again. Does the be- 
 haviour of too many with whom you have to 
 do, cherish a dissatisfaction which sours life ? 
 Here a serenity, a sweetness, spreads over the 
 mind, from the simplicity, openness, and kind- 
 ness, with which you are surrounded. Are 
 you repulsed by others ? Here you are re- 
 ceived w^ith open and welcome arms. Does 
 the storm rage without ? Behold an asylum 
 within. Here we realize an emblem of the 
 Saviour : it says to us, ' In the world ye shall 
 20
 
 226 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 have tribulation, but in me ye shall have peace.' 
 Here ' the v.icked cease from troubling,' and 
 here ' the weary are at rest.' 
 
 Thirdly. We may consider this, happiness 
 in reference to the good things of this 
 LIFE. Without this, all will be insipid, all 
 will be useless. Your titles of distinction, and 
 your robes of office, are laid aside before you 
 enter your own dwelling. There the senator, 
 the minister, the lawyer, draw back ; and we 
 behold only the husband, the father, the man 1 
 There you stand only in those relations in 
 wliich nature has placed you. There you 
 feel only your personal character. What re- 
 mains after these deductions are made, ascer- 
 tains your value. You are to judge of your 
 worth by the honour you command where rank 
 does not overawe ; of your importance, by the 
 esteem and admiration you engage when de- 
 prived of all adventitious appendages ; of your 
 happiness, by the resources you possess to 
 give cheerfulness and charms to those return- 
 ing hours which no splendor gilds, which no 
 fame inspires, and in which all the attractions 
 of popularity fail. For what would it avail
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 227 
 
 you to live in popular opinion, and to be fol- 
 lowed with applause home to your very door, 
 if you were then to be compelled to continue 
 in the element of discord, the seat of strife, the 
 house of bondao;e and correction ? Imagine 
 yourselves prosperous in your affairs ; trade 
 pouring in wealth, your grounds bringing forth 
 plentifully, your cup running over. Misery 
 under your own roof would be sufficient to 
 canker your gold and silver ; to corrupt your 
 abundance ; to embitter every pleasure ; to 
 make you groan, even on a costly sofa, ' All 
 this availeth me nothing !' 
 
 Fourthly. Let us consider it in reference 
 
 to THE SEDUCTIONS AND SNARES OF THE 
 
 WORLD. From the danger of these, there is 
 no better preservative than the attractions of a 
 family. The more a man feels his welfare 
 lodged in his own house, the more will he 
 prize and love it. The more he is attached 
 to his wife and children, the less will he risk 
 their peace and comfort by hazardous specula- 
 tions, and mad enterprises in trade. A life of 
 innocency, regularity, and repose, in the affec- 
 tions of his family, will check the rovings of
 
 228 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 restless ambition, and secure him from the fol- 
 hes of the pride of hfe. ' Evil communications 
 corrupt good manners.' But these pleasing 
 cords will draw him back from ' the counsel 
 of the ungodly,' ^ the way of sinners,' ' the 
 seat of the scornful.' In vain will he be 
 tempted to go abroad for company or for plea- 
 sure, when home supplies him with both. 
 ' And what,' says he, * are the amusements 
 and dissipations of the world ? I have better 
 enjoyments already : enjoyments springing 
 fresh from the growth, the improvement, the 
 culture of our rising charge ; from our rural 
 walks ; from our social evenings ; from our 
 reading and conversation ; from our cheerful, 
 lively, mutual devotion. Here are pleasures 
 perpetually renewing, and which never cloy. 
 Here are entertainments placed easily within 
 our reach, and which require no laborious 
 preparation, no costly arrangement. Here I 
 acknowledge only the dominion of nature ; 
 and follow only the bias of inclination. Here 
 I have no weaknesses to hide, no mistakes to 
 dread. Here my gratifications are attended 
 with no disgrace, no remorse. They leave
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 229 
 
 no stain, no sting behind. I fear no reproach 
 from my understanding, no reckoning from my 
 conscience ; my prayers are not hindered. 
 My heart is made better ; I am softened, pre- 
 pared for duty, allured to the throne of grace. 
 And can I be induced to exchange all this, O 
 ye votaries of the world, for your anxieties, 
 confusion, agitations, and expense ? 
 
 * Who will show me any good ?' is the cry. 
 The world passing along hears it, and says, 
 Follow me ; emulate this splendor ; mix with 
 this throng ; pursue these diversions. We 
 comply. We run, and we run in vain : the 
 prize was nigh us when we began ; but our 
 folly drew us away from it. Let us return 
 home, and we shall find it. Let us remember 
 that happiness prefers calmness to noise, and 
 the shades to publicity ; that it depends more 
 upon things cheap and common, than upon 
 things expensive and singular : that it is not 
 an exotic which we are to import from the 
 ends of the earth, but a plant which grows in 
 our own field, and in our own garden. Every 
 man may be made happy, if you could induce 
 him to make a proper estimate of happiness ;
 
 230 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 if you could keep him from judging after out- 
 ward appearances ; if you could persuade him 
 to stoop, rather than to aspire ; to kneel, rather 
 than to fly. To confine us to our respective 
 stations, God has wisely rendered happiness 
 only attainable in them : were it placed, not 
 in the way of duty, but on the other side of 
 the boundary, the very position would lead us 
 astray, and seduce us to transgress. But home 
 is not always heaven, nor is domestic life nec- 
 essarily productive of domestic happiness. 
 Hence it becomes needful, 
 
 II. To open its sources, and examine on 
 
 what it DEPENDS. 
 
 It does not depend upon rank and afflu- 
 ence. It is confined to no particular condi- 
 tion : the servant may enjoy it, as well as the 
 master ; the mechanic, as well as the nobleman. 
 It exhilarates the cottage, as well as the pal- 
 ace. What am I saying ? What says common 
 opinion ? Does it not invariably associate 
 more enjoyment with the lowly roof, than with 
 the towering mansion ? Ask those who have 
 risen from inferior life, whether their satisfac-
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 231 
 
 lion has increased with their circumstances : 
 
 whether they have never advanced to the brow 
 of the eminence they have ascended, and, 
 looking down, sighed, ' Ah ! happy vale, from 
 how much was I sheltered while I was in thee 1' 
 
 We may also observe, that some individuals 
 seem much more qualified to enjoy this happi- 
 ness than others. Some have little taste for 
 any thing. They are made up of stupidi- 
 ties : they have eyes, but they see not ; ears, 
 but hear not. They are the automatons of 
 nature ; the machines of Providence ; doing 
 the work which the constitution of the world 
 requires of them, devoid of any lively emotions. 
 If they ever feel, it is only from the impression 
 of something tumultuous and violent ; if they 
 are ever pleased, it is only with factitious joys. 
 But others are full of life and sensibility. They 
 are susceptible of delicate impressions : they 
 love every thing tranquil ; rehsh every thing 
 simple ; enjoy every thing natural ; and are 
 touched and dissolved by a thousand pleasing 
 circumstances which convey nothing to others. 
 
 There are, however, some things which 
 have an indispensable influence in producing
 
 232 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 and maintaining the welfare of families, which 
 fall more properly under our cultivation. Or- 
 der, GOOD TEMPER, GOOD SENSE, RELIGIOUS 
 
 PRINCIPLES. These will bless thy dwelling, 
 and fill thy ' tabernacle with the voice of re- 
 joicing.' 
 
 First. Without order you can never rule 
 well your own house. ' God is not the God 
 of confusion.' He loves order , order pervades 
 all his works. He overlooks nothing. ' He 
 calleth the stars by their names.' ' He num- 
 bereth the hairs of our head.' ' He appointeth 
 the moon for seasons ; and the sun knoweth 
 his going down.' There is no discord, no 
 clashing, in all the immense, the amazing 
 whole ! He has interposed his authority, and 
 enjoined us ' to do every thing decently, and 
 in order.' And this command is founded in a 
 regard to our advantage. It calls upon you 
 to lay down rules, and to walk by them ; to 
 assign every thing its proper place, its allow- 
 ance of time, its degree of importance ; to ob- 
 serve regularity in your meals, in your devo- 
 tions, in your expenses. From order spring 
 frugality, economy, charity. From order result
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 233 
 
 beauty, hannony, concurrence. Without order 
 there can be no government, no happiness. 
 Peace flies from confusion. Disorder entano-les 
 all our affairs ; hides from us the end, and 
 keeps from us the clew ; we lose self-posses- 
 sion; and become miserable, because per- 
 plexed, hurried, oppressed, easily provoked. 
 Secondly. Many things will arise to try 
 your TEMPER : and he is unqualified for social 
 life who has no rule over his own spirit : ' who 
 cannot bear,' to use the words of a good writer, 
 ' the frailties of his fellow creatures with com- 
 mon charity, and the vexations of life with 
 common patience.' Peter, addressing wives, 
 reminds them that ' the ornament of a meek 
 and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great 
 price.' And Solomon often mentions the op- 
 posite blemish in illustrating the female char- 
 acter. ' It is better to dwell in a corner of the 
 house-top, than with a brawling woman in a 
 wide house.' ' The contentions of a wife are 
 a continual dropping' — and so on. We should 
 deem it invidious to exemphfy this imperfec- 
 tion in one sex only : we would address you 
 equally ; and call upon jou, as you value a
 
 234 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 peaceful abode, to maintain a control over your 
 tempers. Beware of passion ; say little when 
 under irritation ; turn aside ; take time to re- 
 flect and to cool ; a word spoken unadvisedly 
 with your lips may produce a wound which 
 weeks cannot heal. ' I would reprove thee,' 
 said the philosopher, ' were I not angry.' It 
 is a noljle suggestion. Apply it in your repre- 
 hension of servants and correction of children. 
 But there is something against which you 
 should be more upon your guard than occa- 
 sional sallies of passion — I mean habitual pet- 
 tishness. The former may be compared to a 
 brisk shower which is soon over ; the latter, 
 to a sleet, drizzling rain driving all the day 
 long. The mischief which is such a disturber 
 of social enjoyment, is not the anger which is 
 lengthened into malice, or vented in revenge ; 
 but that w^iich oozes out in constant fretfulness, 
 murmuring, and complaint : it is that which 
 renders a man not formidable, but troublesome ; 
 it is that which converts him, not into a tiger, 
 but into a gnat. Good humour is tlie cordial, 
 the balm of life. The possessor of it spreads 
 satisfaction wherever he comes, and he par-
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 235 
 
 takes of the pleasure he gives. Easy in him- 
 self, he is seldom offended with those around 
 him. Calm and placid within, every thing 
 without wears the most favourable appearance ; 
 while the mind, agitated by peevishness or 
 passion, like a ruffled pool, even reflects every 
 agreeable and lovely image false and distorted. 
 Thirdly. The influence and advantage of 
 GOOD SENSE are incalculable. What streams, 
 what vessels, are the noisy, the shallow, the 
 empty ! Who are the unyielding ? The 
 ignorant, who mistake obstinacy for firmness. 
 Who are the infallible ? They who have not 
 reflection enough to see how liable and how 
 likely we are to err ; they who cannot com- 
 prehend how much it adds to a man's wisdom 
 to discover, and to his humility to acknowledge, 
 a fault. Good sense will preserve us from 
 censoriousness ; will lead us to distinguish cir- 
 cumstances ; to draw things from the dark 
 situation of prejudice which rendered them 
 frightful, that we may candidly survey them 
 in open day. Good sense will keep us from 
 looking after visionary perfection. The in- 
 firmities 1 behold are not peculiar to my con-
 
 286 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 nexlons ; others, if equally near, would betray 
 the same : universal excellence is unattainable ; 
 no one can please in every thing. And who 
 am I, to demand a freedom from imperfections 
 in others, while I am encompassed with infirm- 
 ities myself?' Good sense will lead us to 
 study dispositions, peculiarities, accommoda- 
 tions ; to weigh consequences ; to determine 
 what to observe and what to pass by ; when 
 to be immoveable and when to yield. Good 
 sense w^ill produce good manners ; will keep 
 us from taking freedoms and handling things 
 roughly ; for love is delicate, confidence is 
 tender. Good sense will never agitate claims 
 of superiority ; it will teach us to ' submit our- 
 selves one to another, in the fear of God.' Good 
 sense will lead persons to regard their own du- 
 ties, rather than to recommend those of others. 
 Fourthly. We must go beyond all this, 
 and remind you of those religious princi- 
 ples by which you are to be governed. These 
 are to be found in the word of God ; and as 
 many as walk according to this rule, mercy 
 and peace shall be upon them. God has en- 
 gaged that if you will walk in his way, you
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 237 
 
 shall find rest unto your souls. If it be said, 
 There are happy families without religion, I 
 would answer, First, There is a difference be- 
 tween appearances and reality. Secondly, If 
 we believe the scripture, this is impossible : 
 ' the way of transgressors is hard : there is 
 no peace, saith my God, unto the wicked.' 
 Thirdly, Religion secures those duties, upon 
 the performance of wiiich the happiness of 
 households depends. Would any man have 
 reason to complain of servants, of children, or 
 of any other relation, if they were all influenced 
 by the spirit, and regulated by the dictates of 
 the gospel ? Much of religion lies in the dis- 
 charge of these relative duties ; and to enforce 
 these, religion brings forward motives the most 
 powerful, and always binding; calls in con- 
 science, and God, and heaven, and hell. — 
 Fourthly, Religion attracts the divine blessing, 
 and all we possess or enjoy depends upon its 
 smiles. God can elevate or sink us in the 
 esteem of others : he can send us business or 
 withhold it : he can command or forbid thieves 
 to rob, and flames to devour us : he can ren- 
 der all we have satisfying, or distasteful ; and
 
 238 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 they that honour him he will honour. ' The 
 house of the wicked shall be overthrown, but 
 the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish. 
 The curse of the Lord is in the house of the 
 wicked ; but he blesseth the habitation of the 
 just.' Finally, Religion prepares us for all 
 events. If w^e succeed, it keeps our prosperity 
 from destroying us. If we suffer, it preserves 
 us from fainting in the day of adversity. It 
 turns our losses into gains ; it exalts our joys 
 into praises ; it makes prayers of our sighs ; 
 and, in all the uncertainties of time and changes 
 of the world, it sheds on the mind a ' peace 
 which passeth all understanding.' It unites us 
 to each other, not only as creatures, but as 
 Christians ; not only as strangers and pilgrims 
 upon earth, but as heirs of glory, honour, and 
 immortality. — For you must separate ; it is 
 useless to keep back the mortifying truth. It 
 was the condition upon w^iich your union was 
 formed. O man I it was a mortal finger upon 
 which you placed the ring, vain emblem of 
 perpetuity. O woman ! it was a dying hand 
 that imposed it. After so many mutual and 
 growing attachments, to separate ! What is to
 
 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 239 
 
 be done here ? O Religion, Religion, come, 
 and relieve us in a case where every other as- 
 sistance fails. Come, and teach us not to wrap 
 up our chief happiness in the creature. Come, 
 and bend our wills to the pleasure of the Al- 
 mighty, and enable us to say, ' It is the Lord I 
 let him do what seemeth him good : the Lord 
 gave, and the Lord hath taken away ; and 
 blessed be the name of the Lord.' Come, and 
 tell us that they are disposed of infinitely to 
 their advantage ; that the separation is tempo- 
 rary ; that a time of re-union will come ; that we 
 shall see their faces and hear their voices ao:ain. 
 Take two Christians, who have been walk- 
 ing together, like ' Zechariah and Elisabeth, 
 in all the commandments and ordinances of the 
 Lord, blameless.' Is the connexion dissolved 
 by death ? No. We take the Bible along 
 with us ; and inscribe on their tomb, ' Pleasant 
 in hfe, and in death not divided.' Is the one 
 removed before the other ? He becomes an 
 attraction to the other ; he draws him forward, 
 and is w^aiting to ' receive him into everlasting 
 habitations.' Let us suppose a pious family 
 re-uniting together, after following each other
 
 240 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. 
 
 successively down to the grave. How unlike 
 every present meeting! Here our intercourse 
 is chilled with the certainty of separation : 
 there we shall meet, to part no more ; we 
 shall be forever with each other, and forever 
 with the Lord. Now affliction often enters our 
 circle, and the distress of one is the concern 
 of all : then we shall ' rejoice with them that 
 rejoice,' but not ' weep with them that weep ;' 
 for ' all tears shall be wiped from our eyes, 
 and the days of our mourning shall be ended.' 
 Come then, my dear hearers, and invite the 
 religion of the blessed Jesus, this one thing 
 needful, this universal benefactor of mankind. 
 It has ' the promise of the life that now is, and 
 of that which is to come.' It secures our in- 
 dividual and our relative happiness. It brings 
 peace into our bosoms, and joy into our dwell- 
 ings. Let us resolve to pursue it ourselves ; 
 let us enforce it upon our connexions. Let us 
 dedicate our tabernacles to God ; offer the 
 morning and evening sacrifice of prayer and of 
 praise : and whatever be the determination of 
 others, let each of us say, for ourselves, ' As 
 for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.*
 
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