CD 
 

 
TABLE OF CONTENTS 
 
 Page 
 
 FOREWORD - 7 
 
 ADAM AND EVE - 9 
 
 NOAH AND THE FLOOD - - 15 
 
 ABRAHAM OFFERING UP ISAAC - 19 
 
 JACOB AND ESAU - - 23 
 
 JOSHUA'S EXPLOITS - 29 
 
 JEPHTHAH'S DAUGHTER - 33 
 
 ELISHA AND THE NAUGHTY CHILDREN - - 37 
 
 THE STORY OF JOB - - 4-1 
 
 JONAH - - - - - - - - 4<6 
 
OFT TOLD TALES RETOLD 
 
Oft Told Tales Retold 
 
 Mar&a Young Salver 
 
 Published by tKc Author 
 
 Glendale, California 
 
 1920 
 
DEDICATED 
 
 TO MY BELOVED HUSBAND, ALFRED MARK SALYER 
 AND MY DEAR FRIEND LONA INGHAM ROBINSON 
 
FOREWORD 
 
 "T") ROVE all things, hold fast to that which is good." 
 These stories were taken from the Holy (?) 
 Bible at least that was on the cover. The 
 object in treating them in every-day language is not to 
 make light of sacred things, or to destroy any one's 
 faith in the All-Good, but to discover truth and if pos- 
 sible to tear away the mantle of hypocrisy that covers 
 with a "Thus saith the Lord" the most unspeakable 
 atrocities in history. I have endeavored to keep as 
 close to the text as possible, barring the few comments, 
 and I think I have treated the subjects with as much 
 reverence as they inspire. The stories in themselves 
 are quite interesting and I trust the reader will leave 
 out that unction that usually attaches itself to the mind 
 on reading the scriptures, and for once, give his mind 
 freedom to act, letting these stories take pot-luck with 
 others of a fictitious character. 
 
 I do not believe for one moment that the Great First 
 Cause is identical with the Jewish Jehovah who in these 
 stories is endowed with a character a decent man would 
 scorn to possess; whose very name was jealousy (Exo- 
 dus 34:14), and who was green with jealousy most of 
 the time, who would fly in a passion at the drop of a 
 hat and kill some innocent person to get even with the 
 guilty (Josh. 7:5-24). This Jehovah whose knowledge 
 of astronomy and geology was commensurate with that 
 of his chosen people, who thought the earth was flat 
 
 OQ7 
 
 ** </ y 
 
and lad four corners and four winds a wind for every 
 corner, that the earth was the whole thing; the sun a 
 big light ; the moon a lesser one surrounded by innumer- 
 able little lights that were only what they appeared to 
 be and were created for the sole purpose of lighting 
 this little world of ours. Strange to say, there are, in 
 this enlightened age, people who profess to believe all 
 this. However there seems to be a rift in the clouds 
 in some quarters. According to the Literary Digest for 
 May 24, 1919, the Protestant Episcopal church may de- 
 cide to drop the Old Testament readings from the regu- 
 lar church service and from the Sunday school. It has 
 at last dawned on the church dignitaries that biogra- 
 phies of these Biblical characters and of Jehovah him- 
 self are not fit examples to set before the young. There 
 was nothing Christ-like about Jehovah. 
 
ADAM AND EVE 
 
 We are told that in the beginning, God created the 
 heavens and the earth, presumably out of nothing, and 
 accomplished it all in six days. Vegetables appeared 
 first, then animals. We are not told what they were made 
 of; but as there was an abundance of nothing left, per- 
 haps that was the material that composed them. He 
 made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day 
 and the lesser light to rule the night; and from the ac- 
 count, one is led to believe that the only cause for their 
 creation was to light this little world of ours. He made 
 the stars also -merely an incident and pinned them up 
 there to help the moon light the earth while the sun 
 takes a rest. When everything was ready, lie took some 
 of the dust of the earth and made a man an innocent, 
 uninteresting sort of a creature that knew neither good 
 nor evil ; who went wandering around not knowing what 
 was the matter with him, and though he had paradise all 
 to himself, he was not happy. Jehovah knew what he 
 wanted, but seemed to hesitate as he must have had an 
 inkling of the kind of being he had to make and the 
 trouble that was likely to follow. So, as a diversion he 
 brought animals to Adam to name and see if he could 
 not find a companion, perhaps among the higher apes; 
 but none could be found. So Jehovah put Adam to 
 sleep; and while he was under the influence he per- 
 formed a major operation by taking out one of his ribs; 
 and of this rather hard substance he made a woman; 
 still, it was more refined than dust and looked very well 
 when finished. Adam was pleased and everything went 
 
 9 
 
well for a time. The Lord placed them in a garden 
 and told them they could eat of the fruit of any of the 
 trees except one; that, they were not to touch. The 
 penalty being death the day they ate of it. For a time 
 they obeyed the command and would have kept on doing 
 so but for a wily serpent that had a wonderful command 
 of language. It is not stated whether he talked in 
 French or German or what. One enthusiast says it 
 was Hebrew. It may have been Yiddish for all I know, 
 it would do as well as any other so long as he talked 
 to the point which the serpent certainly did. 
 
 One day while the serpent was taking a walk (!) in 
 the garden he spied the woman and began to question 
 her about the fruit; and Eve not knowing there was any 
 harm in talking to one of God's creatures, entered into 
 a conversation with him; no doubt glad to have some- 
 body to talk to besides Adam who was on the dead level, 
 neither good nor bad. Who can blame her, ushered into 
 life full grown with no childhood, no woman to swap 
 gossip with over the back fence, no chance to tell how 
 her ancestors came over in the Mayflower? Poor thing, 
 she had no ancestors; only a predecessor, this one and 
 only man, and he was nothing to brag about. 
 
 Well, in answer to the serpent's probing, she told him 
 that God had forbidden them to eat of a certain tree 
 and if they did, they would surely die that day. This, 
 the serpent denied, saying that the fruit from that tree 
 would make them wise and that they would not die. 
 Eve realized that she needed all the wisdom she could 
 get and had a slim prospect of getting any from Adam 
 in his present state; she knew she was only an after- 
 thought of the creator a side issue so to speak, and 
 no doubt was often reminded of the fact. Man needed 
 
 10 
 
her and she had to come; and as she was here not by 
 her own volition, she thought she would get all she 
 could out of life. These may have been her thoughts, 
 anyhow in her inexperience, not having a mother or 
 mother-in-law especially the latter to give her advice, 
 she became an easy mark for that loquacious serpent. 
 It was always a wonder to me how that thing came to 
 be in the garden and how he obtained so much wisdom. 
 Perhaps he had eaten of the fruit himself for certainly 
 he showed a wonderful intelligence for a creature of his 
 station in life. Some wise ones tell us that it was the 
 devil in the form of a serpent. 
 
 Eve listened to the beast and thought that it would be 
 no harm to try a little just to see what would happen. 
 One can picture poor Eve turned loose in a garden with 
 nothing to do and nothing to wear. So she took a bite 
 of the apple and it tasted good and she gave some to 
 Adam. Did he refuse it because it was forbidden? Not 
 he. Did he eat it to become wise? No, he ate it that 
 he might become full. For once the serpent told the 
 truth; they did not die of eating the fruit and they be- 
 came wise to the fact that they needed clothes. So they 
 had to scurry around and dismantle a fig tree to make 
 themselves aprons. Needles were scarce and the leaves 
 were brittle and Coates or Clarke was not in the market. 
 No doubt the sweat stood out on Adam's brow before the 
 curse was pronounced. In their hurry to be dressed for 
 company their excitement was intense. 
 
 It seems that the Lord was in the habit of taking a 
 daily walk in the garden in the cool of the day and why 
 should this day be an exception? 
 
 As the shades of evening began to gather, suddenly 
 they heard the Lord coming and were scared. It was 
 
 11 
 
likety the aprons were not quite finished; so they ran 
 and hid. God called unto Adam, and said, "Where art 
 thou?" Adam said, "I heard thy voice in the garden 
 and was afraid because I was naked; and hid myself." 
 And the Lord said: "Who told thee that thou wast 
 naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree whereof I com- 
 manded thee that thou shouldst not eat?" And the man 
 said: "The woman whom thou gavest me to be with 
 me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat." 
 
 Just so, man began at an early day to lay his sins 
 on somebody or something. It was not a nice thing for 
 Adam to lay all the blame on Eve. I have often won- 
 dered what Adam was doing all the time the serpent 
 was getting in his work. Probably asleep in some cor- 
 ner of the garden; but suddenly came to life when the 
 eating began and had a full portion of the enjoyment, 
 but was not willing to share the blame. 
 
 And the Lord said unto the woman, "What was this 
 that thou hast done?' And the woman said, "The serpent 
 beguiled me and I did eat." And the Lord said unto the 
 serpent: "Because thou hast done this thou art accursed 
 above every beast of the field ; upon thy belly shalt thou 
 go and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life." 
 (A wonderful menu.) This serpent must have wiggled 
 along on the tip of his tail before the curse! And unto 
 the woman he said: "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow. 
 In sorrow shalt thou bring forth children and thy hus- 
 band shall rule over thee." And to Adam he said: 
 "Cursed be the ground for thy sake. In sorrow shalt 
 thou eat of it all the days of thy life. In the sweat of 
 thy face shalt thou eat bread till thou return unto the 
 ground, for dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou re- 
 turn." 
 
 12 
 
And God sent them out of the Garden of Eden. 
 But he took pity on them in their scanty fig-leaf attire 
 and turned tailor himself and made them coats of skins. 
 These were the original tailor-made suits, and no one 
 can say the workmanship was not the best, and the style 
 classy. Then was the dawn of civilization. What would 
 civilization be without clothes? Too bad the pattern 
 of those garments was not preserved and handed down 
 to us; it would have saved a lot of bother with fashions 
 especially to women. Now some of you animated ribs 
 of Adam may think that you in Eve's place would have 
 done better; but you wouldn't. You would have done 
 things to that fruit that Eve never dreamed of. You 
 would have preserved and dried it, pickled and pied it 
 and also jarred it for winter use. Not only that, you 
 would have saved the seed and soon have had a whole 
 row of little forbidden trees growing in the back yard. 
 Poor Eve had a pretty heavy curse placed on her; but 
 the worst thing the Lord did to her was to turn her 
 over to man, giving him authority over her. And I call 
 heaven and earth to witness he has done his best to 
 obey God in this respect. He may have been slack in 
 other things but never in this. How nobly he has striven 
 to convince her that he and she are one and he is it, 
 and has succeeded remarkably well until the new woman 
 appeared. Woman has surely paid the penalty of her 
 ancestor's wrong doings. 
 
 13 
 
NOAH AND THE FLOOD 
 
 Noah was an old man before the incidents in this 
 record occurred. In fact he was 500 years old before 
 he had any children. He surely had arrived at years 
 of discretion before undertaking the responsibilities of 
 a family. 
 
 Just why he remained a bachelor so long is a matter 
 of speculation. He may have been crossed in love or 
 never met the right one. In any case, he must have 
 been a little queer to postpone that event for so many 
 years. In spite of his peculiarities Noah was a good 
 man, the very best on earth at that time. In fact, the 
 world was so bad the Lord was thoroughly disgusted 
 with it and was very sorry he ever made it. He decided 
 to destroy it by a great flood. 
 
 But Noah found favor with the Lord and he instructed 
 him how to make an ark in which he might save himself 
 and f amity. In our measurement it was to be 450 feet 
 long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high. It was to be plast- 
 ered with pitch both inside and outside; was three 
 stories, like an apartment house, with one window and 
 one door! 
 
 Into this boat or building or whatever you choose to 
 call it, were to be gathered Noah and his wife, his three 
 sons and their wives; eight persons in all. 
 
 In addition to the human passengers were at least one 
 pair of all the land animals in the world, which included 
 all quadrupeds, birds, reptiles and creeping things. Of 
 the clean animals he was to take seven and of all the 
 others but two, the male and female. The clean beasts, 
 
 15 
 
according to the Jewish law, were all quadrupeds that 
 divide the hoof and chew the cud. Locusts, beetles and 
 grasshoppers were included. 
 
 Webster gives a list of about 130 different quad- 
 rupeds and of that number it would be safe to state 
 that at least five or six of them are clean; so there 
 must have been at least 300 quadrupeds, then hundreds 
 of varieties of birds and reptiles along with the food 
 that had to be stored to sustain this vast and varied 
 menagerie, to^say nothing of the water. For, although 
 there was to be an abundance of water on the outside, 
 no provision seems to have been made for the inside. 
 No traveling circus ever had such a collection of animals, 
 nor, I believe, ever will have. 
 
 These all had to be stowed in their air-tight, water- 
 tight compartments, for the ark had only one window 
 and it must have been in Noah's stateroom. At the end 
 of forty days he opened the window and sent out a 
 raven and then sent out a dove to see if the waters were 
 abated from off the earth. 
 
 But the dove returned because she found no rest for 
 the sole of her foot. And Noah pulled her in. He 
 waited seven days and sent her out again and she re- 
 turned in the evening with an olive leaf in her mouth. 
 So Noah knew the waters were abated. 
 
 It seems the window was not an observation point, 
 else Noah might have looked out and seen for himself. 
 As for opening the door, that was out of the question. 
 For aside from its being dangerous, the Lord had him- 
 self shut them in and the bolt was on the outside. The 
 window must have been quite small, for it was finished 
 above with "a cubit;" a cubit is 18 inches. 
 
 16 
 
So Noah and his sons must have had the time of their 
 lives feeding those creatures in the dark or by candle- 
 light nothing is said about ventilation perhaps they 
 did not need either water or air in those days. 
 
 This is one of the most stupendous miracles recorded 
 in Holy Writ. Compared with it, all others sink into 
 insignificance. It gives one an excellent opportunity to 
 exercise credulity. And, as the saying is, "One might 
 as well die for a sheep as a lamb/' 
 
 17 
 
ABRAHAM OFFERING UP ISAAC 
 
 Abraham was a good man and found favor with the 
 Lord; and God told him his descendants would become 
 a great nation. 
 
 In those days God talked to men as they would to one 
 another. At this particular time he was accompanied 
 by two angels who seemed to have very substantial 
 bodies; nor were they vegetarians, as they partook of 
 a lunch served by Abraham and his servant, consisting 
 of bread and butter and milk and dressed veal, all being 
 comfortably seated outside the tent. 
 
 Sarah, Abraham's wife, was inside the tent baking the 
 cakes for the repast. Although busy with her cake- 
 making, she had her ears open, and when she heard 
 the Lord tell Abraham that she would have a son in her 
 old age (she was 90 years old at the time and had never 
 been a mother), she laughed; and no wonder. Although 
 it was the one thing she most desired, her laugh was 
 one of doubt rather than anticipation. The Lord knew 
 she laughed and asked her why she did so. Sarah got 
 scared and denied that she laughed, but there was no 
 use talking back to God. 
 
 In due time Isaac was born according to the promise, 
 and was very much beloved by both parents. Abraham 
 had other children by other women but they did not 
 count. In fact Isaac had a little half-brother some 
 years older than himself who, for a childish misde- 
 meanor, offended Sarah and was packed off to the wil- 
 derness with his mother, who had been Sarah's maid, to 
 shift for themselves as best they might. Abraham did 
 
 19 
 
not like it but Sarah insisted, and to keep peace in the 
 family he listened to the voice of his wife, and sent the 
 poor things away with only a bottle of water and a little 
 bread which soon gave out. They certainly would have 
 perished if an angel had not come to the rescue who 
 called to her out of heaven and asked her what ailed her. 
 
 In those days it seems the angels were around handy 
 where they could do most good. This angel told her that 
 God had heard the voice of the lad; and God opened 
 her eyes and she saw a well of water and she refilled 
 her bottle and they remained in the wilderness until the 
 lad was grown. What they lived on is a matter of con- 
 jecture; perhaps the angel continued his ministrations. 
 
 All went well with the Abraham family until God 
 called him one day and told him to take little Isaac and 
 offer him up as a burnt offering. It was a staggering 
 blow to Abraham, but either through faith or fear, 
 he thought he had to obey. Abraham wisely kept Sarah 
 in ignorance of the whole matter, and slipped Isaac 
 away unbeknown to her in order, no doubt, to avoid a 
 family row; Sarah might not have been impressed with 
 the voice out of the clouds that ordered the death of 
 her only son. She might have thought it was a figment 
 of the imagination. We have had some modern Abra- 
 hams who thought they heard the voice of God telling 
 them to sacrifice some of their children, but we wisely 
 send them to the insane hospital. But there was no one 
 to stop Abraham in his fanaticism. So he got up early 
 one morning and saddled his ass and took two of his 
 young men and Isaac and traveled to the land of Monah 
 where there were mountains, one of which was to be 
 the place for the sacrifice. 
 
 20 
 
On the third day they came in sight of the moun- 
 tain, and Abraham thought it best to leave the young 
 men to take care of the ass, while he and Isaac went 
 on alone to worship. The young men had no idea of 
 the character of the worship Abraham had in mind, else 
 they might have objected. 
 
 Abraham piled the wood on Isaac's back, and one 
 can imagine the little fellow trudging along with 
 the load of kindling, little dreaming of its intended use. 
 Abraham carried the knife and the fire. In those days 
 matches being unknown, they had to "keep the home 
 fires burning" all the time, as it was difficult to get one 
 started just when they needed it. 
 
 As they toiled along Isaac noticed they had every- 
 thing necessary for the sacrifice except the thing itself; 
 so he said to his father, "Behold the fire and the wood, 
 but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abra- 
 ham put him off by saying that God would provide him- 
 self a lamb for a burnt offering. 
 
 When they came to the place appointed, Abraham 
 built an altar and laid the wood in order. Then he 
 took hold of Isaac and bound him. It is not difficult 
 to imagine the feelings of the little boy when he saw 
 the altar ablaze waiting for the sacrifice, and himself 
 bound hand and foot, and no lamb in sight. He knew 
 enough about the habits of the gods in those days to 
 know that nothing short of blood would stay their 
 wrath, satisfy their vengeance or afford them the pleas- 
 ure they took in such orgies. Heretofore his father had 
 offered only animals to the Lord, "the only true God," 
 but the way things appeared at that moment, it seemed 
 to Isaac there was going to be a change in the menu. 
 Hope must have deserted him at that instant; as it 
 
 21 
 
would be foolish to suppose him to have the sustaining 
 faith his daddy had. 
 
 And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the 
 knife to stab Isaac. God called to him just in time, 
 and said, "Lay not thy hand upon the lad, for I know 
 that thou fearest God, seeing thou has not withheld thy 
 son, thine only son from me." And Abraham lifted up 
 his eyes and beheld a ram caught in a thicket by his 
 horns ; and Abraham took the ram and offered him up for 
 a burnt offering, instead of his son. 
 
 All is well that ends well; and Abraham earned for 
 himself the title of the Father of the Faithful, but if 
 you will notice, God did not recommend him for his 
 faith, but for his fear; and one is tempted to think 
 "the father of the fearful" would have been more ap-. 
 propriate. No doubt Abraham was badly scared; and 
 if Isaac had not been bound hand and foot, he would 
 have given the old man the race of his life back to home 
 and mother. It was a scary time for both of them. 
 
 I have often wondered if Isaac ever told his mother 
 what a close call he had. It is likely the old man bribed 
 him not to tell her, lest she doubt his sanity. 
 
 22 
 
JACOB AND ESAU 
 
 Isaac and Rebekah had two sons named Esau and 
 Jacob. Esau was the elder by a few seconds. It seems 
 these twins were not identical, but were as different as 
 brothers could be. Esau was born covered all over 
 with hair, while Jacob had a smooth skin. Their 
 habits, too, were different as they grew up to be men. 
 Esau loved out-door life and made his living by hunt- 
 ing; he often brought home venison which tickled the 
 old man Isaac; so Esau became his father's favorite 
 and his father loved him another proof that the near 
 cut to a man's heart is through his stomach. 
 
 On the other hand, Jacob loved home life, which no 
 doubt endeared him to his mother, and she, knowing 
 Isaac's partiality to Esau, felt anxious about Jacob's 
 future destiny. 
 
 One day Esau came home from an unsuccessful hunt, 
 faint from lack of food, and his brother was preparing 
 a mess of pottage, whatever that was; it looked good to 
 Esau and no doubt made his mouth water. So he asked 
 Jacob to give him some. But Jacob, who had keen 
 business instincts, knew how easy it would be to drive 
 a hard bargain with a hungry man. 
 
 So he told Esau if he would part with his birthright, 
 he would give him the food. Esau at the point of death 
 could see no advantage in a birthright to a dead man; 
 so Jacob made him swear away his birthright an easy 
 thing to do under the circumstances, taking care to keep 
 the pottage well out of his way until the bargain was 
 completed. Jacob then gave him the food and Esau 
 
went his way, soon forgetting the brotherly transaction 
 as an unimportant incident in his life. But later, to his 
 sorrow, he was to be brought to the realization of what 
 a far-seeing cunning fellow his brother was. 
 
 In those days they all set great store by the father's 
 blessing, and Isaac was getting old and expected to die 
 any day. Rebekah, eaves-dropping, one day heard 
 Isaac tell Esau to get his quiver and his bow and go to 
 the field and bring some venison and make savoury meat 
 such as he, Isaac loved, that his soul might bless Esau 
 before he died. Isaac knew if anything could inspire 
 him to pronounce the proper blessing, it would be the 
 smell of that venison, much more the taste of it. 
 
 Isaac never had the reputation and fame his father, 
 Abraham, had; he had only one wife and was never, 
 called to perform the stunt of offering up one of his 
 sons as a sacrifice; he had never distinguished himself 
 in any way, except by his gastronomic tastes which he 
 worked to a finish. 
 
 Rebekah, who had had her ear at the keyhole, realized 
 that her darling Jacob would soon be left an unblessed 
 orphan unless she could in some way prevent it. So she 
 set her woman's wits to work to circumvent the plans 
 of the dying man and his favorite son; and in those 
 days a lie, if it answered the purpose, was as good as 
 the truth. Anyhow, Rebekah knew that if she was 
 doing wrong, good would come of it which sentiment 
 has been held by some people nearer home. 
 
 After Esau had started out to hunt for venison, Re- 
 bekah; knowing that he would be back as soon as he 
 found any, hurried to tell Jacob to go to the flock and 
 bring two good kids and she would make savoury meat, 
 such as his father loved, and Jacob was to take it to 
 
 24 
 
his father and let him eat it, so that Jacob might get 
 the coveted blessing. 
 
 Now Rebekah was a good cook and could duplicate 
 anything Esau could do in that line. Why should she 
 order two kids? Surely one would have been enough 
 for a dying man. But, as we shall see, she had a double 
 intention; one kid's skin would not have been enough. 
 
 Jacob objected to the scheme; not because of any 
 compunctions of conscience, but from fear that the trick 
 would be discovered and so draw down a curse instead 
 of a blessing. Jacob knew that though his father's 
 sight was gone, his sense of touch was unimpaired and 
 that in all probability Isaac would want to feel him; 
 and Esau being a hairy man, and he himself a smooth 
 man, there would be little chance to avoid detection. 
 But his wise mother said, "Upon me be thy curse, my 
 son, only obey me." 
 
 So Jacob brought her the kids history does not state 
 who killed them and Rebekah put the meat to stewing 
 or roasting or whatever it took to make the savoury 
 meat such as her husband's soul loved. 
 
 In the meantime, she took Esau's best suit and put 
 it on Jacob. Then she put the kid skins on his hands 
 and neck and gave him the savoury meat to take to his 
 father. With this camouflage, Jacob went in and said, 
 "My father," and Isaac said, "Here am I, who art 
 thou, my son?" 
 
 And Jacob said, "I am Esau, thy first-born" (lie 
 number One), "I have done what you told me to do; 
 sit up and eat the venison that thy soul may bless me." 
 
 And Isaac said, "How is it that thou hast found it so 
 quickly, my son?" And Jacob said, "Because the Lord 
 brought it to me." (Lie number Two.) And Isaac said 
 
 25 
 
unto Jacob, "Come near, I pray thee, that I may feel 
 thee, my son, whether thou be my son Esau or not." 
 And Jacob went near unto Isaac to be felt. No doubt 
 the goose flesh stood out all over him at that critical 
 moment. What if the skins would slip? The fate of 
 nations was trembling in the balance. 
 
 The deception was successful, however, although 
 Isaac had some doubt. For he said, "The voice is 
 Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau." 
 And he said to Jacob, "Art thou my very son Esau?" 
 and Jacob said, "I am." (Lie number Three!) 
 
 Then Isaac told him to bring on the venison, which 
 he did; and also brought wine; and Isaac, after re- 
 galing himself on kid and wine, felt eminently fitted 
 to pronounce any number of blessings on his favorite, 
 son. So he told Jacob to come near and kiss him; 
 which he did. Then Isaac smelled Esau's clothes on 
 Jacob and was sure he was right, and went ahead and 
 blessed him to everything he could think of. 
 
 And just when he was through, along came Esau with 
 real venison made into savory meat. But Isaac had 
 had his fill and could eat no more. Then Esau said, 
 "Let my father arise and eat of his son's vension that 
 thy soul may bless me." And Isaac said, "Who art 
 thou?" And Esau said, "I am thy son, thy first-born 
 Esau." 
 
 By that time poor old Isaac was worked into a nervous 
 chill and trembled very exceedingly and said, "Where 
 is he that brought me venison? And I ate all before 
 you came, and have blessed him; yea, and he shall be 
 blessed." 
 
 And when Esau heard the words of his father, he 
 cried with a great and exceedingly bitter cry. No won- 
 
 26 
 
der he was bitter when he found his whole family had 
 gone back on him; even his father, whom he thought he 
 could always count on. And he asked his father if 
 he had only one blessing. But, it seems, the old gen- 
 tleman, under the stimulation of the mock venison and 
 the wine, had poured out all the blessing that was 
 worth while on Jacob; so there was little left in his 
 reservoir to give to Esau. 
 
 However, he gave him what few scraps he could 
 find, which was far from satisfying Esau. After that 
 Esau hated Jacob, and said, "He was rightly named 
 Jacob, which means supplanter. For he hath sup- 
 planted me these two times. He took away my birth- 
 right and now he hath taken away my blessing." 
 
 The reader is left to take whatever lessons he can 
 out of this Bible story. We have heard some far-fetched 
 theories of a great spiritual significance attached to it, 
 but so far as I am concerned the reader must unravel 
 it for himself. But a blind man can see where the 
 reward fell. 
 
 27 
 
JOSHUA'S EXPLOITS 
 
 Joshua was an Israelitish general who succeeded 
 Moses. He was a great warrior and was chosen by 
 Jehovah to bring the Children of Israel into the prom- 
 ised land of Canaan. So he sent two men secretly to 
 spy Jerico. These men came to the house of a woman 
 of ill repute and she turned traitor to her country and 
 harbored them in order to save herself and family. She 
 told her countrymen that the men had gone, she did not 
 know where. But she had hidden them on the roof, 
 covering them with stalks of flax. 
 
 The woman, whose name was Rahab, made the men 
 swear that when the Israelites took the city, they would 
 spare her and all her family; and the men swore by 
 the Lord they would do what she asked. 
 
 This woman's house was upon the town wall and she 
 let them down by a cord through the window. They 
 told her to gather all her family and friends and all 
 stay inside the house; and to bind the scarlet line that 
 they were let down by, in the window as a sign to the 
 Israelites to spare that house. 
 
 The spies came back to the camp of Israel and re- 
 ported to Joshua, giving a glowing account of the pos- 
 sibilities of taking the city he sent them to spy. 
 
 So Joshua brought all the Children of Israel down 
 to the river Jordan and camped there three days and 
 officers went through the camp and told the people to 
 follow the Ark of the Covenent wherever it went. So 
 the priests took up the Ark and went before the peo- 
 
pie and when they came to the brink of Jordan they 
 stood still. 
 
 Here Joshua made a speech to the Israelites telling 
 of the great thing the Lord was going to do that day. 
 "And as they that bare the Ark were come unto Jordan, 
 and the feet of the priests that bare the Ark were 
 dipped in the brim of the water, for Jordan overflowed 
 all his banks at that time, the waters which came down 
 from above rose up in a heap so the people passed over 
 on dry land."^ 
 
 There must have been a tremendous amount of water 
 by the time the whole camp of Israel passed over. The 
 Lord made it easy for his own in those days when they 
 could cross rivers without bridges! 
 
 When the Israelites passed over the river Jordan, 
 the first city to be taken was Jericho, a walled city. 
 And all the inhabitants were inside and had the gates 
 shut; but that could not save them. For Joshua had 
 his men march round it once a day for six days and 
 seven priests had seven trumpets of ram's horns, and 
 the seventh day they marched around it seven times 
 and blew the trumpets; and at a long blast the people 
 shouted with a great shout, and the wall of the city 
 fell down flat and it was at the mercy of the Israel- 
 itish soldiers which had been commended to kill and 
 spare not. They killed everybody except those who 
 were in the house of Rahab, men, women and children, 
 even the oxen and sheep and asses. The silver and 
 gold they were to bring into the treasury of the Lord. 
 It seems the Lord had no objection to receiving some of 
 the accursed stuff in his treasury. Doubtless it was 
 sanctified or sterilized before it was deposited in the 
 Ark, otherwise it might have been tainted money. But 
 
 30 
 
everything else was destroyed. The men were not al- 
 lowed to take anything out of the city on the penalty 
 of death. All obeyed except one man, Achan, who 
 took a goodly garment and some silver and gold and 
 hid them in his tent. For that the anger of tHe Lord 
 was kindled against the Children of Israel and when 
 they went to war the battle went against them and 
 they fled before their enemies and thirty-six of them 
 were killed. 
 
 It seemed hard luck for so many innocent men to 
 be sacrificed for the sin of one man, but that was the 
 idea of justice that prevailed at that time, and who 
 are we to dispute it? 
 
 The Israelites were so badly routed that it caused 
 Joshua and the elders of Israel great sorrow; and as 
 usual in such cases Joshua rent his clothes and fell flat 
 on his face before the Ark of the Lord until the even 
 tide, he and the elders of Israel, and put dust upon 
 their heads. 
 
 Then Joshua began to talk to God and asked him 
 why he had brought the people over Jordan to deliver 
 them up to their enemies. He told Him "the Canaan- 
 ites and all the inhabitants of the land would hear of 
 it and environ round and cut off our nation from the 
 earth; and what wilt thou do with thy great name?" 
 Appealing to God's pride of reputation. 
 
 It had the desired effect ; for God told Joshua to "Get 
 up, why liest thou thus upon thy face?" One can 
 hardly refrain from speculating a little on this ancient 
 idea of justice. Jehovah might in the goodness of 
 his heart, have given Joshua an inkling of who the 
 guilty party was and saved the lives of innocent men. 
 One can only excuse him on the ground that his anger 
 
 31 
 
had been kindled so hot he hadn't time to take a sec- 
 ond thought. And Joshua had all he could do to bring 
 him to his senses. 
 
 As soon as Jehovah's wrath began to cool he told 
 Joshua to get up and sanctify the people, whatever 
 that might mean, for there was an accursed thing in 
 the midst of them. So in the morning they assembled 
 and the Lord picked out the tribe, and then the fam- 
 ily, and then the guilty individual, whose name was 
 Achan, who confessed what he had done. So sentence 
 was passed not on him alone, but on his sons and his 
 daughters, his oxen and his asses and his sheep and his 
 tent. And if he had a dog or cat or canary bird they 
 surely went with the rest; for everything he had was 
 to be "stoned with stones and burned with fire." 
 
 Civilization was shocked at the atrocities committed 
 by the Germans in Belgium, but it can read this story 
 without blinking an eye, and attribute all to the in- 
 scrutible ways of Providence. "God is Love." 
 
 32 
 
JEPHTHAH'S DAUGHTER 
 
 This story has been used as a lesson in filial obedi- 
 ence by a certain organization, no matter what its name 
 at this time, and Jephthah's daughter has been held up 
 as a shining example for the young to follow, with the 
 injunction implied if not spoken, "Go thou and do like- 
 wise/' 
 
 In order fully to appreciate and sympathize with this 
 story, one must get into an hypnotic state and stay in 
 it with an "O, thou!" sort of feeling, a treading on air, 
 keeping out of the way of common sense. 
 
 Jephthah was a great warrior and on going out to 
 battle, made a bargain with the Lord that if his 
 enemies were delivered into his hand, he would do 
 nicely by him; offer him something worth while. Je- 
 hovah had had so many burnt beef offerings that 
 Jephthah thought it would be nice to change the bill 
 of fare. So he told the Lord he would make a bon-fire 
 of anything that came out of his house to meet him, 
 coming from victory. 
 
 Tradition does not state whether the Lord agreed to 
 this contract or not; but certain it is Jephthah came 
 back victorious, and in all probability had forgotten his 
 vow, as we are all apt to forget the resolutions we make 
 in time of need, when prosperity overtakes us. 
 
 Jephthah's memory returned with a sudden thud, 
 when he saw his young daughter, his only child, coming 
 to meet him with timbrels and with dances. Now what 
 would be more natural than for a young girl to go out 
 and meet her father coming home safe from war? Poor 
 
 33 
 
thing, she did not know what a fool father she had. 
 Her appearance only struck terror to the heart of 
 Jephthah and when he saw her he tore his clothes 
 a favorite way of expressing grief in those days, also 
 they put ashes on their heads Jephthah omitted the 
 ashes. 
 
 When Jephthah came near enough, he said, "Alas! 
 my daughter!" and then told her of his vow to God, 
 and how he had opened his mouth unto the Lord and 
 couldn't go back. (He had got his foot in it.) 
 
 It is to be hoped Pershing or Foch or any of the 
 victorious generals have not made any such rash 
 promises. If the Kaiser had only thought in time and 
 struck a bargain with God promising to offer up the 
 Crown Prince as a sweet-smelling savor, who can tell, 
 the tide of battle might have turned in his favor, 
 though the fashion in offerings has changed some since 
 Jephthah's day, which was a good thing especially since 
 the late war began and all the surplus beef and mut- 
 ton had to be sent to feed the allies. 
 
 But to proceed with our story. Jephthah's daughter 
 said, "My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto 
 the Lord, do to me according to that which proceeded 
 out of thy mouth." She begged him, however, to give 
 her two months to think it over, and that she and her 
 fellows might go to the mountains and bewail her con- 
 dition. He was kind enough to grant her request. 
 
 Two months was a long time to contemplate that 
 fiery funeral. One could die a thousand deaths in 
 that length of time, but Jephthah's daughter was no 
 ordinary person. Doubtless she was buoyed up with 
 the thought that she had to save her daddy's face and 
 that somewhere, sometime, she would be rewarded. 
 
 I wonder how many of our modern girls, who have 
 
 34 
 
had this handed out to them as a shining example to 
 follow, ever gave it a serious thought! 
 
 The question arises: Who or what did Jephthah 
 expect to come out of his house to meet him? His 
 dog? Or his pet cat? Perish the thought! That 
 would never do; to offer a dog or a cat to God. That 
 would have been an abomination. Evidently it was not 
 his daughter. He had no son. After thinking it over 
 carefully, but not necessarily prayerfully, one comes to 
 the conclusion it was his wife he expected to meet him. 
 Yes, it must have been his wife. 
 
 Now, if it had been a stalwart son, this story would 
 have had a very different ending. The son would prob- 
 ably have said, if they had used slang in those days, 
 "Dad's getting nutty." And would have taken steps 
 to have him incarcerated in a private sanitarium. It 
 made a great deal of difference what sex one belonged 
 to in those days. 
 
 This story was written long before suffragettes ap- 
 peared on earth. The new woman was not even 
 thought of. 
 
 Now if Mrs. Jephthah had been an up-to-date woman, 
 she would have made good use of those two months; 
 and some moonlight night would have skipped out with 
 her daughter to the camp of the Philistines and have 
 sent word back to the old man that they would return 
 when he got over his religious mania. But there was 
 no one to save Jephthah's daughter. No voice out of 
 the clouds, as in the case of Abraham when he was 
 about to stick the knife in Isaac and God called to stay 
 his hand. She was made the sacrifice. In her case 
 filial obedience had gone to seed. 
 
 35 
 
Thus ends this beautiful, bloody scripture lesson. Let 
 us hope that the majority of people have a better opin- 
 ion of God, than to think he required or enjoyed such 
 orgies. It is a question, however, whether the new 
 way of worship is very much better than the old. One 
 thing in its favor, it costs less. They can offer up all 
 the fulsome flattery and praise the mind can think of; 
 it costs them nothing. Whether it is accepted or not 
 is another question. God has stopped talking to man 
 for ages and I .suppose we will have to die to find out. 
 
 36 
 
ELISHA AMD THE NAUGHTY 
 CHILDREN 
 
 Elijah was a prophet of Israel who was very zeal- 
 ous for the worship of God and was ready and willing 
 to annihilate any who did not worship the way he did. 
 So he took the prophets of Bael and slew them, not 
 letting one escape. This conduct seems to have pleased 
 Jehovah so well that he was considered worthy to 
 escape the common lot of mankind by being taken 
 up bodily to heaven in a chariot of fire. 
 
 Elisha was an understudy of Elijah and proved an 
 apt student; and when the day came for Elijah to be 
 translated, he tried to get away from Elisha; but he 
 stuck closer than a brother, saying, "As the Lord liveth 
 and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee." 
 
 And they two went on and stood by the river Jordan 
 and Elijah took his mantle and wrapped it together 
 and smote the waters and they were driven hither and 
 thither, so that they two went over on dry land. 
 
 And Elijah said to Elisha, "Ask what I shall do for 
 thee before I be taken away from thee." And Elisha 
 said, "I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit 
 be upon me." 
 
 And Elijah said, "Thou hast asked a hard thing. 
 Nevertheless, if thou seest me when I am taken from 
 thee, it shall be so done unto thee; but if not, it shall 
 not be so. And it came to pass as they still went on 
 and talked that behold! there appeared a chariot of 
 
 37 
 
fire and horses of fire, and parted them and Elijah went 
 up by a whirlwind into heaven. And Elisha saw it and 
 he cried, "My father! My father! The chariot of 
 Israel and the horseman thereof!" And he saw him no 
 more. And he took hold of his own clothes and rent 
 them into two pieces. 
 
 He took up also the mantle of Elijah that fell from 
 him and smote the waters and said, "Where is the Lord 
 God of Elijah?*' And when he also had smitted the 
 waters they parted hither and thither, and Elisha went 
 over. So the spirit of Elijah rested on Elisha and he 
 went about doing wonders. 
 
 And he went up from thence unto Bethel; and as 
 he was going up by the way, there came forth little chil- 
 dren out of the city and mocked him and said, "Go up 
 thou bald head!" Elisha got angry (Jehovah-like) and 
 he turned and looked on them and cursed them in the 
 name of the Lord. And there came forth two bears 
 out of the wood and tare forty and two children of them. 
 They must have been very, very small indeed for two 
 bears to tare so many. But these were special bears, 
 no doubt, prepared for the occasion. 'Twas too bad, 
 since Elisha was so sensitive about his bald head he 
 did not wear a toupee or wig. The question arises 
 where did the souls of those naughty children go? We 
 pass it up to some theologian better posted on the 
 methods of Jehovah than we. It 'might be they 
 caught up with Elijah and got a free ride into the 
 kingdom on the chariot of fire, as the event happened 
 so shortly after Elijah's flight. Elisha must have been 
 feeling particularly pious at that time and embraced 
 the first opportunity to do some meritorious act to 
 
 38 
 
demonstrate how much of Elijah's spirit fell from 
 him as he went up. 
 
 The poor kids little dreamed what was going to hap- 
 pen to them for their thoughtless sport; and judging 
 by the instantaneous success of his cursing Elisha must 
 have had a triple portion of the spirit of Elijah fall 
 upon him. 
 
 Moral: Teach your children not to make fun of any- 
 body, especially bald-heads. "Suffer little children to 
 come unto me and forbid them not. For of such is 
 the kingdom of heaven." * 
 
 Did Elisha send the children to heaven in job lots, 
 or to the other place? Who can tell? 
 
 39 
 
THE STORY OF JOB 
 
 There was a man whose name was Job and he dwelt 
 in the land of Uz, wherever that may be. This man 
 was perfect and upright in all his ways. He was 
 blessed with seven sons and three daughters, who had 
 nothing to do but enjoy themselves feasting in one 
 another's houses, as Job was very rich and also gener- 
 ous with his family. Not only did he provide the means 
 for their physical enjoyment but for their spiritual as 
 well, in that he regularly made sacrifices and burnt 
 offerings in case they might sin unknown to him. 
 
 One day when the sons of God came to present them- 
 selves before the Lord, Satan came also among them; 
 and the Lord asked Satan whence he came. And Satan 
 answered, "From going to and fro on the earth and from 
 walking up and down in it'." 
 
 Then the Lord and the devil entered into a friendly 
 chat with regard to Job. The Lord asked Satan if he 
 had noticed Job and how good and perfect he was. Sa- 
 tan not being specially impressed with Job's goodness, 
 answered the question Yankee-like by asking another. 
 "Does Job serve God for naught?" Then he reminded 
 the Lord how he had prospered Job and hedged him 
 about and made it easy for him. But said Satan, "Put 
 forth thine hand and touch all that he hath and he will 
 curse thee to thy face." 
 
 The Lord did not say "Get thee behind me, Satan/' 
 but was willing to prove Job's integrity regardless of 
 the sacrifice of life and property; and turned poor Job 
 
 41 
 
over to the tender mercies of the devil, who was now 
 to experiment with all that pertained to Job except his 
 ov/n person. Satan lost no time, but made haste to 
 embrace the unusual opportunity of doing mischief with 
 the permission of God himself. 
 
 So, shortly after this dialogue, when Job's sons and 
 daughters were feasting at their elder brother's house, 
 the messengers of ill tidings came pouring in on Job 
 so thick and fast that one hardly had time to tell his 
 tale of woe before another came running to unburden 
 himself on the hapless man. 
 
 The first one said: "The oxen were plowing and the 
 asses feeding beside them, and the Sabeans fell upon 
 them and took them away; yea, they have slain the 
 servants with the edge of the sword and I only am 
 escaped to tell thee." 
 
 While he was yet speaking there came another and 
 said the fire of God is fallen from heaven and hath 
 burned up the sheep and the servants and I only am 
 escaped to tell thee." The Lord in this instance lent a 
 helping hand to the devil by furnishing the fire. 
 
 The next came with news that the Chaldeans made 
 out three bands and had carried away the camels and 
 had killed the servants (who of course did not count 
 for much in those days). The only thing that counted 
 was how Job would take it. 
 
 The next came with news that struck a little nearer 
 home. He said "Thy sons and thy daughters were eat- 
 ing in their eldest brother's house and there came a 
 great wind from the wilderness (probably a cyclone) 
 and struck the house and fell upon the young people 
 and they are dead, and I only am escaped alone to tell 
 thee/* 
 
 42 
 
By that time it was up to Job to do something, and 
 do it quickly. Then Job arose and rent his clothes 
 (which later furnished his wife a job at patching) and 
 fell upon the ground and worshiped; and said among 
 other things: "The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken 
 away. Blessed be the name of the Lord/' In all this 
 Job sinned not nor charged God foolishly." 
 
 One might think the devil would have been satisfied 
 with this exhibition of Job's patience; but no, the devil 
 still had quite a number of things up his sleeve to spring 
 on Job, with God's help. 
 
 "And there was a day when the sons of God came 
 to present themselves before the Lord"; and Satan 
 came also; and the Lord asked him whence he came 
 and Satan answered, "From going to and fro on the 
 earth and walking up and down in it." Just as saucy 
 and independent as ever. And the Lord said, "Satan, 
 have you considered my servant Job, that there is none 
 like him in all the earth? A perfect and upright man; 
 although you have been moving me against him to de- 
 stroy him without cause." 
 
 Of course the devil had been considering Job and 
 had gone to the limit of his license in tormenting him, 
 but still he would not give up. So he said to God, "Skin 
 for skin; all that a man hath will he give for his life. 
 But put forth thine hand now and touch his bone and 
 his flesh and he will curse thee to thy face." And the 
 Lord said to Satan, "He is in your hands; but save 
 his life." The devil must have chuckled to get such 
 an opportunity. He well knew what agonies he was 
 capable of inflicting this side of death. So the devil 
 hied himself to Job and smote him with sore boils from 
 the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 
 
 43 
 
Now any body who has had one boil can appreci- 
 ate what that meant. And he took him a potsherd to 
 scrape himself withal, and sat down among the ashes. 
 
 Job's wife thought he had about reached the limit; 
 and she herself must have been feeling wretchedly, hav- 
 ing lost her children; but of course the narrative 
 centers around the holy man. So she told Job to curse 
 God and die. But he, intimating that she spoke foolish- 
 ly, said, "What? Shall we receive good from the hand of 
 God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job 
 did not sin with his lips, but no telling what he thought 
 inside of him! 
 
 When Job's three friends heard of his trouble they 
 came to comfort him; and they wept and as usual, 
 rent their clothes and put dust on their heads and sat 
 down beside him but said nothing for seven days and 
 seven nights (As well for Job had they adhered to that 
 program to the end.) 
 
 At last Job broke the silence and began to curse 
 not God, as the devil had expected, but his birthday; 
 calling for a lot of impossible things to happen to it. 
 
 Then one of his three friends, each of whom had a 
 cure in his pocket, began to rub it in on Job, and to 
 give him the kind of comfort he did not need, and Job 
 would answer as best he could and each friend in turn 
 would air his pet theory of life in general and Job in 
 particular, differing in some things but a unit in blam- 
 ing Job himself for all the calamities that befel him. 
 (You see, they were in ignorance of the little job the 
 Lord and the devil had put up on Job.) But they 
 failed to convince him that he was to blame and they 
 ceased talking because he was righteous in his own 
 eyes. 
 
 44 
 
Then was kindled the wrath of Elihu, because Job 
 justified himself rather than God. He had modestly 
 waited for the elders to talk till he was so full of the 
 matter he could hold in no longer, so he unburdened 
 himself on Job and said many things in behalf of God. 
 
 Then the Lord took a hand in the conversation and 
 convinced Job how small he was; and Job said he ab- 
 horred himself and would repent in dust and ashes. 
 But now the wrath of the Lord was kindled against 
 Job's three friends, and they had to appease it by 
 offering seven bullocks and seven rams. And Job 
 prayed for them. And the Lord turned the captivity of 
 Job when he prayed for his friends, and gave Job 
 twice as much as he had before and all his friends 
 flocked to him when his prosperity returned. He also 
 had seven sons and three daughters. 
 
 It is to be hoped that the devil was thoroughly con- 
 vinced of Job's integrity but at what a tremendous 
 expense ! 
 
 45 
 
JONAH 
 
 Jonah was a prophet of the Lord and the Lord told 
 him to go to Nineveh, a very wicked city, and cry 
 against it; but Jonah did not want to preach to 
 Nineveh andjran away and got in a ship. But a great 
 storm arose and the sailors were badly frightened and 
 every one began to call on his particular God. 
 
 The captain went below and found Jonah taking a 
 comfortable nap quite oblivious to the storm raging 
 above. The captain told him to get up and call upon 
 his God; since all the other gods had failed, he was 
 ready to have Jonah try his. But the storm still con- 
 tinued. Then the men all cast lots and the lot fell on 
 Jonah, who now had to confess what he had done and 
 told them his god was the one and only true God. Then 
 the men were worse scared than ever and asked Jonah 
 w r hat they should do to him in order to make the sea 
 calm to them; and he said, "Cast me into the sea, for 
 I know that for my sake this great tempest is upon 
 you." 
 
 The men were unwilling to sacrifice Jonah if they 
 could avoid it, so they rowed hard to bring the boat 
 to land. But all to no purpose. Jonah had to be 
 dumped overboard; then there was a great calm. 
 
 Now the Lord had prepared a special fish to swallow 
 Jonah. Whether he made a new one for that purpose 
 or just altered one ready made so that Jonah could get 
 accommodations in its inside we do not know, nor does 
 it matter. Jonah was not aware of the arrangement and 
 must have been greatly surprised to find himself in 
 
 46 
 
such close quarters. Internment in this living sub- 
 marine was no improvement in his condition. So, like 
 many others in trouble, he turned pious and had a little 
 revival of religion all by himself. No need for Billy 
 Sunday to tell him of a future hell; he was in one 
 already and no penitent at the mourner's bench ever 
 sent up more vociferous supplications, fortified by flat- 
 tering promises to the Lord, if he would only help him 
 out of this fishy casket. 
 
 In the meantime the whale was not enjoying an 
 after-dinner nap. He had scarcely time to congratulate 
 himself on securing a good meal at one gulp when he 
 began to realize that all was not well within. It was 
 a new thing in whale life to encompass a miniature 
 camp meeting, for Jonah was in earnest and no doubt 
 accompanied his prayers with suitable gestures regard- 
 less of the effect on the whale. The poor fish, in the 
 throes of acute indigestion, not willing to defile the 
 ocean, his home, hastened to the shore and heaved up 
 his last repast, astonished to see it jump up and walk 
 away. But he firmly determined never to have any- 
 thing to do with land animals in the future. 
 
 With Jonah the case was different. His problem was 
 far from being solved. He still had to preach the de- 
 struction of Nineveh, a city of three days' journey, and 
 he very reluctantly began to enter the city and to cry, 
 "Yet forty days and Ninevth shall be overthrown/' 
 
 Well, the people of Nineveh did what Jonah most 
 feared: they repented. And God also repented of the 
 evil he was going to bring upon them. This ruined 
 Jonah's reputation as a prognosticator which in his 
 own estimation weighed more than all the Ninevehites 
 put together. He got so angry that he told the Lord 
 
 47 
 
that the reason he ran away the first time when told to 
 preach at Nineveh, was because he knew God would 
 have mercy on them if they repented, and now, since 
 they had, he asked God to take his life. 
 
 Then said the Lord, "Doest thou well to be angry?" 
 But Jonah went out of the city still nursing his wrath 
 and sat in a convenient place, where he could see what 
 was going on, still hoping something would happen to 
 Nineveh to justify his prophecy. Jonah had an over- 
 dose of egotism, so he sat and sulked. Then God made 
 a gourd to grow up over him for a shade and Jonah 
 was glad for the gourd. Then God made a worm to kill 
 the gourd and it withered ; and He sent an east wind and 
 the sun to beat on Jonah's head till he fainted and 
 wished himself dead. When God asked Jonah "Doest 
 thou well to be angry for the gourd?" he replied, "I 
 do well to be angry even unto death." It was a hopeless 
 case. Nothing short of the destruction of Nineveh 
 would put him in good humor. 
 
 Then said the Lord, "Thou hast had pity on the 
 gourd, for which thou has not labored, neither madest 
 it to grow, which came up in a night and perished in 
 a night; and should not I spare Nineveh, that great 
 city wherein are more than six score thousand persons 
 that cannot discern between their right hand and their 
 left hand, and also much cattle?" 
 
 We are left up in the air as to what happened to 
 Jonah. However, we know he was a slacker, and was 
 caught in the draft and later dishonorably discharged. 
 
 But "we aint no whale" and the Lord has not spec- 
 ially prepared us to swallow this story. 
 
 48 
 

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