PR 3461 r6 A67 1870z MAIN B M 107 bMM I>I^IOE IS OEIVTS, DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. ^^J ( Nurnh)er 111.) THE LIAR. ^.iapted from the French of "La Menteur" by Oomeille. BY SAMUEL FOOTE. he Mayor of Garratt,'^ " The Maid of Barth,'''' tfec, tfec. ' Itered and Adapted by CHARLES MATHEWS. A^D FlllST PERFORMED (SO ALTERED) AT THE OLYMPIC THE- ATRE, LONDON, UNDER THE MANAGEMENT OF MR. HORACE WIG AN, SATURDAY, MARCH 9, 1867. TO WHICH ABE ADDED scriiTion of tlie Costiiiue— Cast of the Oiiaracteis— Eutrauces aufl Exits- Relative Positions of the Perfonueis on the Stage, aud tlie whole of the Stage Business. NEW YORK : THE DE WITT PUBLISHING HOUSE, tlx No. 33 Rose Street. ^1'- ETUIOPM AND COMIC DRAMA. Nothing 80 thorough and complete in the vray of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas has ever been printed as those that appear in the following list. Not only are the plots excellent, the characters droll, the incidents funny, the language humorous, but all the Bituations.^y-play, positions, pantomimic business, scenery, and tricks are so plainly set down and clearly explained that the merest novice could put any of them on the stage. Included in this Catalogue are all the most laughable and effective pieces of their class ever produced. *:^* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which indicate the number of the piece in " De "Witt's Ethiopian and Comic Drama." 4^ Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price— J'i/^ccn, Cents each. { J8^ The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. The figures in the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male; F. female. 141. 73, 107. 113. 133. 43. 42. 79. I 40. 10. 11. 146. 110. 126. 127. 128. 120. 24. 108. 148. S5. 112. 41. 144. 140. 12 53. 63, 131, Absent Minded, Ethiopian farce, 1 act 3 African Box, burlesque^ 2 scenes. . . 6 Africanas Bluebeard, musical Ethi- opian burlesque, 1 scene 6 Ambition, farce, 2 scenes 7 Awful Plot (An) Ethiopian farce, la. 3 Baby Elephant, sketch, 2 scenes.. . . 7 Bad Whiskey, Irish sketch, 1 scene. 2 Barney's Courtship, musical inter- lude, 1 act - 1 Big Mistake, sketch, 1 scene 4 Black Chap from "Whitechapel, Ne- gro piece 4 Black Chemist, sketch, 1 scene .... 3 Black-Ey'd William, 6ketch,2 scenes 4 Black Forrest (The),Ethiopian farce, lact 2 Black Magician (De),Ethiopian com- icality 4 Black Statue (The), Negro farce 4 Blinks and Jinks, Ethiopian sketch. 3 BoboUno, the Black Bandit, Ethio- pian musical farce, 1 act 2 Body Snatchers (The), Negro sketch, 2 scenes 3 Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 Bogus Talking Machine (The), farce, 1 scene 4 Bruised and Cured, sketch, 1 scene. 2 Charge of the Hash Brigade, comic Irish musical sketch 2 Christmas Eve in the Soutl" fithio- piau farce. 1 act Coal Heaver's Revenge, Negro sketch. 1 scene 6 Coming Man (The), Ethiopian sketch, 2 scenes 3 Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes 8 Crowded Hotel (The), sketch, 1 sc. 4 Cupid's Frolics, sketch, 1 scene. . . . 5 Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene 3 Damon and Pythias, burlesque, 2 sc. F Darkey's Stratagem, sketch, 1 seen.. -2 Darkey Sleep Walker (The), Ethio- pian sketch, 1 scene 3 6 2 124. 111. 139. 50. 64. 95. 67. 4. 136. 93. 52. 25. 51. 152. 106. 83. 77. 17. 58. 31. 20. 82. 130. 61. 142. 23. 118. 150. 7a. 123 Deaf as a Post, Ethiopian sketch.. . . 2 Deeds of Darkness, Ethiopian ex- travaganza, 1 act 6 Desperate Situation (A), farce, 1 sc. 6 Draft (The), sketch, 2 scenes 6 Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene 4 Dutch Justice, laughable sketch, 1 scene H Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 scene.. . 6 Eh ? What is it ? sketch 4 Election Day, Ethiopian farce, 2 sc. 6 Elopement (The), farce, 2 scenes. . . 4 Excise Trials, sketch, 1 scene 10 Fellow that Looks like Me, inter- lude, 1 scene 2 First Night (The), Dutch farce, 1 act 4 Fisherman's Luck, sketch, 1 scene. 2 Fun in a Cooper's Shop, Ethiopian sketch 6 Gambrinus, King of Lager Beer, Ethiopian burlesque, 2 scenes 8 German Emigrant (The), sketch, Isc. 2 Getting Square on the Call Boy, sketch, 1 scene 3 Ghost (The). Sketch, 1 act 2 Ghost in a Pawn Shop, sketch, 1 sc. 4 Glycerine Oil, sketch, 2 scenes 3 Going for the Cup, interlude 4 Good Night's Rest, sketch, 1 scene. 3 Go and get Tight, Ethiopian sketch, 1 scene 6 Gripsack, sketch,'! scene 3 Guide to the Stage, sketch 3 Happy Couple, 1 scene 2 Happy Uncle Rufus, Ethiopian mu- sical sketch, 1 scene 1 Hard Times, extravaganza. 1 scene. S Helen's Funny Babies, burlesque, lact 6 Hemmed In. sketch 3 High Jack, the Heeler, sketch, 1 sc. 6 Hippotheatron, sketch 9 How to Pay the Rent, farce, 1 scene 6 la and Out, sketch, 1 scene 2 Intelligence Office (The), Ethiopian sketch, 1 scene 2 THE LIAR. IN TWO ACTS. ADAPTED FROM THE FRENCH OF " LE MENTEUR " BY CORNEILLE. By SAMUEL TOOTE, AiUJior of " The Mayor of GarraU'' " The-jffdTd of Bath," etc., etc., etc. AS ALTERED AND ADAPTED BY CHARLES MATHEWS. AND FIRST rEKFORMED (sO ALTERED) AT THE OLYMPIC THEATRE, LONDON, UNDER THE MANAGEMENT OF MR. HORACE WIGAN, SATURDAY, MARCH 'J HE 9tH, 1867. TO WHICH IS ADDED A DBSCRIPTION OF THE COSTUME- CAST OF THE CHARACTERS EN- TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PER- FORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WUOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. NEW YORK: THE DE WITT PUBLISHING HOUSE, No. 33 Rose Street. 2 THE LIAR. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Olympic Tlieatre, Wallack's Theatre, London, March 9, 1867. New York, Nov. 22, 1873. Sir James Elliot Mr. H. J. Montague, Mr. W, J. Febguson. Old Willing (1st Old Man) Mr. Addison. Mr. John Gilbeet. Youiim''\ViUliiig (Light Comedy ).:Mr. C habi es Mathews. Mr. Lester Wallack. I'apillion (t'liaiacter Comedy). ..Mr. Horace Wigan. Mr. Harry Beckett. John (Miss Uodlrey's {Servant— Utility) Mr. Franks. Mr. J. Peck. "William (Miss Grantham's Ser- vant—Utility) Mr. J. Josephs. Young Wilding's Servant (Util- Miss Grantham (Comedy Lead). Mrs. Charles Mathews. Miss Jeffreys-Lewis. Miss Godfrey (a Kicb Old Maid- Old "Woman) Mrs. Stephens. Mrs. John Sefton. Solditii, Ladies, and Gentlemen, etc., etc. 8CENERT {London, 1762.) Act I. — ST. JAMES'S PAEK. Act II.— room AT MISS GODFREY'S. j[ CT I — St. James's Park. Landscape with background of houses' upper stories seen over and behind trees. Trees for wings. Sky sinks and borders. Set trees on stage, R. c and l. c. ACT //.—Par or in 3d grooves. Screen r. c. ; sofa l. c. Tables an Cabinets at back. Doors r. and l. 1 E., and r. in f. "Window, cmtained, l. in r. Carpet down. COSTUMES {Period 1750.) Sir James.— Embi-oidered suit, pow;lered wig, sword, etc., cbapeau bras, cane. Young Wilding. — Silk embroidered suit, sword, etc. Old Wilding.— Green cloth, gold laced suit, three-cornered hat, cane. Papillion.— Salmon colorel suit, large wig with queue, cane. Miss Grantham. -Embroidered silk sacque, short sleeves, ruffles, large fan, long gloves, powder. Second dress : black wrapper, Pamela hat, with bows. Miss Godfrey.— Embroidered silk sacque, large apron, powder and patches. PROPERTIES. ACT /.—Snuff-boxes, canes and swords for Gentlemen; letter for John to enter with, L. 2 K. Act II. : Screen : ornaments; bundle of papers for Papillion to enter with ; legal paper for Old Wilding ; half mask for Miss Grantham ; letter for her. TIME OF PLAYING-ONE HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES. STAGE DIRECTIONS. R. means Bight of Stage, facing the Audience ; L. Lett ; C. Centre ; R. C. Right of Centre ; L. C. Left of Centre. D. F. Door in the Flat, or Scene running across the back of the Stage ; C. D. F. Centre Door in the Flat ; R. D. F. Right Door in the Flat ; L. C. F. Left Door in the Flat; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door ; 1 E. First Entrance ; 2 E. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance ; 1, 2 or 3 G. First, Second or Third Groove. R. R. C. C. L.C. L. B^" The reader is supposedto be upon the stage facing the rudience. ?s <34 $5 ^ si" ■C e , > ^ 1 ■«> ^ « Q o? ^ >(^ Ol s '^i • •s • ^ » CI s o 1^ b>l I— t o •~J. 1—1 §H ^ ?2s --0 ^ o 5j ri •io 1 «3 C> g" s ?^" i ^ ^ '•^ ^ S r^ 3 W H g o ^-^ W . ''J «; 2-2 2 1^ 1^ -^ H « ^ 25 O di ^ ^ ^ ?. ^ O g 02 pIH CC ,<= a rz: as Q >^ Ph K :q •< (7J '/J ^J ^1'^ bn 5 ^ ;£ o ;« - ° 5 '^ p;-<: •^ vq >q g w « Qd S Q en in -t>' iv!je8795Je IHE LIA.il. THE LIAR. Adaptatioy. of " Le Menteur " {altered from the Spanish), hy ComeiUe. "The Mistaken Beauty," 4to,...1661— "The Lying Lover," IIOZ— Steele. "The Liar," 1762— Foote. " The Liar " may, we think, be called the best of Foote's productions ; at all events it has a fairer chance of sailing down the stream of time than any other of his moi ks ; for though formed aftt-r the French model, it is not deficient in character, and its principal portrait does not belong to the manners of any age ; society will never be BO virtuous, nor temptation so diminished, that lying should go out of fashion. Young Wilding, therefore, may be always expected to please, while the drama itself shall please. In the fable there is nothing to offend by improbability. The dialogue is both elegant and humorous, and that in an eminent degree. Young Wilding's stories to his father, of his wife, his kittens, and his pokers, are in the richest style of the Congreve school of comedy, and are a sufficient proof that comic effect does not depend on incident or situation ; the scene in question is striking only by the force of language, and indeed the same may be said of the whole piece, yet it pleases by the brilliancy of its dialogue, and not by the intricacies of its fable. This is not the place to institute a comparason between the English and French schools of comedy, but we m ly be allowed a cursory remark, that humor and char- acter seem to be the distinctive features of the first, while the latter only aims at brilliant dialogue, and provided the dramatis personae speak pungent sarcasm and witty epigram, is little careful to impress on them those peculiar marks of habit and nature, which distinguish man from man in the business of daily life. Foote's Comedy of The Liar has not been played in London for thirty years. In adapting it to the modern stage, I have made the following alterations:— The changes of scene from " Young AVilding's lodgings " to •' The Park," then to the " Tavern," then to " Miss Grantham's,'' then to the " Street," then to " Miss God- frey's," were tiresome and unnecessary, and I have re-arranged the piece so as to need onl^- one set scene in each act ; and, although I only drop the curtain once, I have retained every word of the dialogue of the three acts as originally written, re- storing the effective and very necessary scene in the second act, which has been hith- erto omitted in all the acting editions, merely transferring the situation fi'om the exterior balcony of the house to Miss Godfrey's apartment. The character of Miss Godfrey— in the original a sentimental, serious young lady— I have changed into a frumpish, pretentious old maid, which makes her squabbles with Miss Grantham more comic, and enhances the situation in the second act, when she is, to the dismay of Young Wilding, presented to him as his chosen wife. The character of " Kitty," I have entirely suppressed, giving to Miss Grantham the assumption of " Lydia Sybthorp," which makes the lesson much more pungent and leads to a more effectual denouement. Lastly, I have altered the very unsatisfactory disappearance of Young Wilding from the stage (pursued by Kitty), leaving the audience in doubt as to his fate, and ending the piece without the presence of the principal character, and have brought the comedy to a more dramatic and amusing termination. The distinguished success which has attended this adaptation, ■will, I trust, be my excuse for the liberties I have taken with the original. M. THE LIAR. ACT I. SCENE.— TAe Park, in ^d grooves. Enler YogxG Wilding and Papillion, it. 2 E. FouNG W. And T am now, Papillion, perfecLly equipped ? Pap. P er Sonne niieux ; nobody better. Young W. My figure ? Pap. Faite a peindre. Young W. My air 7 Pap. Libre. Young W. My address ? Pap. Piirisienne. Young W. My hat sits easily under my arm; not like the draggled tail of my tattered ac;ideniical habit. Pap. Ah ! bien autre chose. Young W. Wiiy, then, adieu, A'ma Mater! bien venue, la ville de Lon~ dies! faiewell to the !vcho(ds, and welcome the theatres; presidents, proctors, and short commons with long graces, must now give place to plays and long tavern bill.s, with no graces at all ! Pap. Ah, bravo, bravo ! Young W. How long have you left Paris, Papillion ? Pap. Twelve, diiteen year. ITouNG W. I can't compliment you upon your progress in English. Pap Thp accent is difficile. Young W. But here you are at home 1 Pap. C'(st vmi. Young W. N » stranger to fishioi.able })laces7 Pap. A'l fad! Young W. Arqu;iinted with the fashionable figures of both sexes'? Pap. S 'tm daate. Young W. Well, then, open your lecture; and d'.ve hear, Papillion, as you have ihe honor to be ]);omoed from the mortifying condition of' an liumble valet to the im()Oit.int charae of a piivate tutoi-, let us disraid all distince between us ; .•-ee me r--ady to si ,ke my ihir.si at your fomi- lain of kiiowlediie, my Magnus Apollo, Pap. Here, ihen, I disclose my Helicon to my poetical pupil. Young W. Hey, Papillion! Pap. Sir? Y.-rxG W. What is thi.s ? Why, you speak English ? Pap. Without doub'. Young W. But like a native! Pap. Tt» be .'^ur.^. 6 THE LIAR. Young W. And what am I to coiiclu'le fiom all this 7 Vap. Loijicaliy thus, sir. — Whoever speaks pure English is an Eng. lislnnan ; I speak i)iue EiisHsli, ergo, I am an Englishman. Tliere's d, caiegorical syllogism lor yon — nnjor, minor, and consequence. What, do you think, sir, that while you were busy at Oxford I was idle 1 No, no, no ! YoDxa W. Well, sir, but notwithstanding your pleasantry, I must have this matter explained. Pap. So you shall, my good sir. Then you are to know, sir, that my former .situation has been rather above my present condition, I having once sustained the dignity of snb-pr.'ceptor to one of those cheap j-ural ac (demies with which our county of York is so plentifully stocked. Young W. But why thi? disguise] Why renounce your country ] Pap. There, sir, you make a little mistake; it was my counLry that renounced rae ! Young W. Explain. Pap. In an instant; upon quitting the school, and first coming to town, I got recommende I to the C()m|)iler peak French, now I teach-a you to forget Englisli. Go vid me to ray logement, I vil give you proper dress ; den go present your- self to de same hotels, de very same hou^e, you find all de doors dat was shut in your face as footman Anylais^ vil fly open demselves to a French valet-de-chnmbre .^'' Young W. Well, Papillion 7 Pap. Gad! sir, 1 thought it was but an honest artifice, so I deter- mined to follow my friend's advice. Young W. Did it succeed ? Pap. Better than expectation. My tawny face, long queue, and broken English, was a passe-partout. Besides, when I am out of place, this disguise procures me many resources. Young W, As how 1 Pap. Why, at a pinch, sir, I am either a teacher of tongues, a friseur, dentist, or a dancing master ; these, sir, are hereditary professions to Frenchmen. Young W. But let us sally. Where do we open 1 Pap Let us see— one o'clock — it is a fine day; the Mall will be crowded. Young W. Allans ! Pap. But 1 would, sir, crave a moment's audience, upon a subject that may prove very material to you. Young W. Proceed. Pap. You will pardon my presumption ; but you have, my good mas- ter, one little foible that I could wish you to correct. Young W. What is it '? Pap. An'^1 yet it is a pity, too; you do it so very well. Young W. Pr'ythee be plain. Pap. You have, sir, a lively imagination, with a most happy turo invpiuion. Young W. Weill Pap. But now and then, in your narratives you are hurried, by a flow of spirits, to border upon the ira[)robable ; a little given to the mar- vellous. Young W. T understand you. What, I am somewhat subject to lying 1 Pap. Oh, pardon me, sir, I don't say iha' ; no, no, only a little apt to embeliish, that's all. To be sure it is a fine gift, that there is no dis- puting — but men in general are so stupid, so rigorously attached to matter of fact; and yet this talent of yours is the very soul and spirit of poet y ; and why it should not be the same in prose I can't for my life determine. 8 THE LI All. YuDNG W. You would advise m^, then, not to be quite so poetical in my prose ? Pap. Why, sir, if you would descend a liltle to the grovelling com- })reliensi()n of ihe million, I think it would be as well. Young W. I believe you nve riuht ; but we shall b.' laie. D'ye hear, Pcipillion? if at any lime you find me too poetical, give me a liiuL; your advice shan't be thrown away ! [Exeuur, l 2 e. filter Miss Grantham, Miss Godfrey and Jons, r. u. e. Mis ; Grantham. John, let t'le chariot jro round to Sprinn Gardens. {Exit John) My dear Miss Godfrey, what trouble I have had to aeL you • lUi ; why, you are as tedious ns a \ouii mornina. Do you know, now, ihaL ol all places of public rendezvous, I honor ihe Park ; toi ty tlioii- sand million of limes preferable to the playhouse! Don't you lliink so, my deiir 1 Miss Godfrky. They are both well in iheir way. Miss Gr. Way ; why ihe purpose of boih is tlie same, to meet com- j>any, isu'i it? What, d'ye think I go tlnre lor ihe plays, or come here for iheliees? ha, ha ! AVell, tliat is well enough; but, oh, gemini ! 1 hecr a million of pardons ; you are a prude, and have no lelish for the little innocent liberties with which a flue woman may indulge herself in public. Miss Go. Liberties in public ? Mrss Gr. Yes, dear; such as encorins a sonfT f^t an opera, interrupt- ing a play by talking louder than the people on the stage, hallooing to a pretty fellow across the Mall as loud as if you were calling a coach. "Why, do you know, my dear, that by a lucky stroke in dress, and a few high aiis of my own making, I have had he good fortune to be gazed at and tollowtd by as great a crowd on a Sundiy as it 1 ^^as the Chinese ambassador. Miss Go. The good fortune, ma'am? Surely the wish of every de- cent, woman is to be unnoticed in public. Miss Gr. Decent! Oh, my dear queer creatuie, what a phrase have you found out for a woman of fashion. Decency is, child, a meie l)lebeian quality, and fit only for those who pay court lo the woiM, and not for us ti> whom the world pays court. Upon my woid. you must enlarge your ideas. But, as I was saying — pray, my dear, wliat was I saying i Miss Go. I p'ofess I don't recollect. Miss Gr. Hey !— Oh, ah, the Park ! One great reason for my loving the Park is, that one has so many opportunities of creating connect ons. Miss Go. Ma'am ! Miss Gr. Nay, don't look grave ; why, do you know tiiat all my male friendships are formed in this place? Miss Go. It is an odd spot ; but you must pardon me if I doubt tie possibilitv. Miss Gr Oh, I will convince you in a moment, for here seems to be coming a good smart, fij[ure that 1 don't recoUec;. I will throw out a lure, [drops her Jiaiidker chief.') Miss Go. Nay, for heaven's sake ! Miss Gr. I am determined, that is Miss Go. You will excuse my withdrawing. Miss Gr. Oli, please yourself, my dear. [Miss Godfrey re'ires hchind trees, r. c ACT I. y Enter Young Wilding, with Papillion, l. 2 e. Young W. Your ladyship's handkerchief, ma'am. Miss Gr- I am, sir, concerned at the trouble. Young W. A most ha{)py incident for me, madam ; as chance has given me an lionor in one hicky minute, that the most diligent attention lias not been able to procure for me in the whole tedious round of a revolving year. Miss Gr. Is this meant to me, sir ? Young W. To whom else, madam *? Surely you must have marked my respectful assiduity, my ui)inlerrupCed attendance; to plays, operas, balls, routs, and ridottos, I liave pursued you liks your shadow. I have besieged your door for a glimpse of your exit and entrance hke a dis- tressed creditor, who has no arms against privilege but perseverance. Pap. {aside). So, now he is in for it ; stop Iiim who can. Young W, In short, madam, ever since 1 quitted America, whicli I take no.v to be about a year, I have as faitiifdlly guarded ihe hve-long night, your ladyship's portil, as a sentinel the powder magazine in a for- tified city. Pap. {rrsid^). Q litLed Ara-^rica ! well pulled. Miss Gr. You have served in America then 1 fouNG W. Full four years, ma am; an I during that whole time, not a single acLioii of consequence but I liad an ofjportunity to signalize my- self; and I think I may, without vanity affim I did not miss the occa- sion. You have heard of Quebec, I presume 7 Pap. {aside) What tlie deuce is he driving at now 1 Young W. The project to surp ise that place was thought a happy exf)edieiit, and the fii-st mounting the breacli a gallant exploit ; there, indeed, the whole army did me justice. Miss Gr. I have heard ihe honor of that conquest attributed to an- other name. Young W, The mere taking the town, ma'am ; but that's a trifle ; sieves now-a-days are leduced to certainties ; it is amnz ng how minute- ly exict we who know the business are at calculation : for instance, now, we will suppos"? the Commander-in-chief, addressing himself to me, was to say, '-Colonel, I want to reduce that fortress; what will be the expense?" " Wtiy, please your highness, the reduction of that fortress will cost you one thousand and two live^, sixtv-nine legs, ditto arms, fourscore fractures, with about twenty dozen of flesh wounds." Miss Gr. And you shall be near the mark % Young W. To an odd joint, ma'am. But, madam, it is not to the French people alone that my feats are confined; Cherokees, Catabaws, with all the Aws and E.^s of the continent have felt the force of my arms 1 Pap. {atide to Young Wilding). This is too much, sir ? Young W. {aside). Hands off! {aloud) Nor am I less adroit at a treaty, madam, than terrible in battle; to me we owe the f i^^ndship of the Five Nations, and I had the first honor of smoking the pipe of peace will) the Little Ca-penler ! Miss Gk. Is it possii)le'? Young W. This gentleman, though a Frenchman and an enemy, I had the fortune to deliver from the Mohawks, whose jn-isoner he had been for nine years. He gives a most entertaining account of their laws and customs; he shall present you with the wampum-belt and a scalping- knife. Will you permit him, madam, just to give von a taste of the military dance, with a .short specimen of their warwho'op ? Pap. {aside to Young Wilding). For heaven's sake ! 10 THE LIAR. Miss Gk. The place is too public. YoDNG W. Ill short, niiidain, atier having gathered as many laurels abroad as would gani.sU a Goihic ciLliedial at, Cliristmas, I returned to reap ihe harvest of tlie well-fouglit Held ; here it was my good fortune to encounter you; then was the victor vanquished; what the enemy could never acconiplisii, your eyes in an instant achieved ; prouder to serve here th.m to command in chief elsewhere; and more glorious in wearing your chains than in ti iuniphing over the vanquished world ' Miss Gr. (aside). 1 have got here a most heroical lover; but 1. ,>-ee Sir James Elliot cominj7, r. 2 e. Pap. That last was an unlucky question, sir. Young W. A little mnl-a-propos, I must confess. Pap a man should have a good memory who deals muc'.i in this poetical piose. Young W. Pho ! I'll soon re-establish my credit. But I must know who ibis girl is ; hark ye, Papillion, could not you contrive to pump out of her fooim n — 1 see there he stands — the name of his mistress ? Pap. I will try. [Exit, r. u. e. — Wilding retires up the stage. Enter Sir James Elliot and William, l. 2 e. Sir J. Music and an entertainment 1 "William. Yes, sir. •. Sir J. Last night, upon the water 1 -V WiL Upon the water, lastnigiit. Sir J. Who oave it ] WiL. That, sir, I can't sav. [Exit, L. Enter Papillion, r. u. e. , Young W. [coming forward). Sir James Elliot, your most devoted. SrR J, Ah, my dear Wilding, you are welcome to town ! Young W. You will ])ardon my impatience; 1 interrupted you — you sepnied upon an interesting subject. Sir J. Oh, an affair of Hallantry. Young W. Of what kind % Sir J. A young lady regaled last night by her lover, on the Thames. Young W. As how \ Sir J. A baid of music in boats. Young W. Were they good performers 7 Sir J. The best; then conducted to Marble Hall, where she found a masnificent. collation. Young W. Well ordered ! Sir J. With elegance. After supper a ball, and to conclude the night, a firework. ACT I. 11 YovsG VV. Was ihe last well designed 1 Siu J, Superb ! Young W. And happily executed 1 Sir J. Not a aiugle faux pas. YoDXG W. And you don't kuow who gave it 1 Sir J. I can't even guess. Ygdxg W. Ha, ha, hal Sir J. Wliy do you laugh ? YoDXG W. Ha, ha, ha ! It was me I Sir J. You 1 Pap. You, sir ? Young W. Mot meine ! — rae ! Pap. So, so, so ; he is entered again. Sir J. Why, you are fortunate, to find a mistress in so short a space of time. Yodxg W. Short 1 Why, man, I have been in London these six weeks 1 Pap. (aside). lord ! lord ! Young W. It is true, not daring to encounter my father, I have rarely ventured out but at nights ; but since the story is got abroad, I will, my denr fiiend, treat you with all the particulars. Sir J. I shall hear it wiih pleasure, (nside) This is a lucky adven- ture, but he must not know he is my rival. Young W. Why, sir, between six and seven mv goddess embarked a Somerset stairs, in one of ihe city companies' barges, gilt and hung Willi damask, expres>ly for the occasion. Pap, {asidt). Mercy on us! Young W. At the cabin-door she was accosted by a beautiful boy, who, in the garb of a Cupid, paid her some compliments in verse of m)' own compo.>^ing; tlie conceits weie pretty; alhisions to Venus and the sea — the lady and the Tii.imes — no great matter; but, however, well- timed, and what was better, well taken. Sir J. Doubtless ; from the poets ! ; Pap. (aside). At what a rate he runs ! Young W. As soon as we gained the centre of the river, two boats full of iruinpeis, French ho ns^ and oilier martial music, struck up their spiighlly strains from the Surrey side, which were echoed by a suitable number of lutes, flutes, and oboes from the opposite shoie. In this slot", the oars keeping: time, we majestically sailed along, till the arches of the new bridge gave a pause, and an opportunity lor an elegant des- sert in Dresden china hy Ri)binson. Here the repast closed, Nvith a few favorite ;iirs from Eiiza, Tenducci, and the Mattel. Pap. {aside). Me: cy on us ! Young W. Opposite Lambeth I had prepared a naval engagement, in which Boscawen's victory over the Fi ench was repeated ; the action was conducted by one of the commanders on that expedition and not a single incident omitted. Sir J. Surely you exaggerate a little. Pap. {aside). Ye.s, yes, this battle will sink him. Young W. Tiu? to the letter, upon my honor! I shan't trouble you with a repetition of our collation, ba\\,feux d'artifice, with the thousand little incidental amusements that chance or design produced; it is enough to know that a'l that could flatter the senses, fire the imagina- tion, or gratify the expectation, was theie produced in lavish abun- dance. Sru J. The sacrifice was, I presume, grateful to your deity. Youko W. Upon that subject you must pardon my silence. 12 'iUE LIAR. Pap. (rtsiJe). Modest cieature ! Sui J. 1 wi^h yvM joy of yoiir success. For the present you will ex- cuse' ni.*. YoUNo W. Nay, but stay and hear the corxlusion. iSiR J. F.>r ihat I shall seize another occasion. [Hxit, r. Pap. Nly ()erfoiraed, sir. YouNc. W.'Yes. 1 iliink liapp ly hit off. Pap. M ly 1 lake the liberty to otter one question? Yoi'XG \V. Freely. Pap. Pay, sir, iire you nfien visited wiih these waking dreams 1 Young wV Dreams !* wliai dost mea.i by dreams 1 Pap. These orrj.imenial roveries, these frolics of fancy, which, in the ju liin -nt of the vuis ir. would be deemed absolute flams. Y^»DNG W. Why, Papillion, you have but a poor, narrow, circum- scr bed aenius. Pap. I must own, sir, I have not sublimity sufficient to relish tlie full fiiv of your Piidaric muse. Young W No, a plebeian soul ! But I will animate thy clay; mark my example, follow my sie[)S, and in lime ihou mayst rival thy master. Pap. Never, never, sir ! 1 have no talent to fiiiht battles without bloA-.s, and yive f'\asLs tIla^ don't cost me a farthintr. Beside^, sir, to what purp >se are all ih ?se embellishmeuLs ? Why tell the lady you have been in Loudon a year 1 Y'lUNG W. Tiie be'Ler lo i)!ea.l the length, and consequently the sue 'ii h of ray passion. Pap. Bill wliy, sir, a soldier? Y^oUNG W. How little thou knowest of the sex ! What, I suppose th -u wouldst have me a: lack them in m)od and (iguie by a pedantic, cl issical qu )tation, or a pompous pirade of j iriion from the schools. W lar, d.)st think tint women are to be got l.ke degrees 1 Pap. Niv, >ir Young \V. No, no; the snvoir ricre is the science for them ; the m n of war i< tiieir man; they must be laken like towns, by lines of aj)- poich, counterscarps, angles, irenc'ies, cohorns, and covert-ways; t-ien eufer sword i;) ha id pell-mell, i, how ihey melt at tlie Gothic name-i of G-^n^ral Swappinback, Count Rousomousky, Prince Montecn- rufi, and M rsh il Fus in'mrgli ! Men may sav what they will of iheir Ovid, tlieir P.'traici, and the.r Waller, but 111 inidrrtake to do more business by the si mle aid of ih> L )r.d- n Gazette, than by all the si^h- ini, (lyiUii, cryiiig c:otchets t'lat t le whole race of rhymers have ever pi-odnc'd. Pap Very well, sir, tliis is nil very lively, btit remember the travel- liuii pitcher. If you don't one time or other, uu'ler favor, lie yourself into some confounded scrape, 1 will be content to be hanged. Young W. D > you think so, Papillion ? And whenever that happens, if I don t lie myselr' out of it'aiiain, why. then I will be content to be ciicitied. {•'fops shorty l.) Zounds. h>^re comes my father ! Gad, I had like to have run into the old irentlemans mouth. Pap. It is pi-eitv n^ar the same ihinz; see, sir, he's talking to Sir Jam s Elliot, s(» your arrival is no 1 n2er a secret. Young W. Well, then, I inu-;t lose my pleasure, and you your prefer- ment ; I mast sub'uit to the dull decencv of a sober family, and you to the customary duties of brushing and powdering. But 1 was so flut- leivd at meeiina my father, that I forgot the fair; pr'ythee, who is she? Pap. From her footmati I learnt her name was Godfrey. Young W. And her fortune 1 Pap. Imm'^nse. ACT I. 13 Young W. Single, I hope ? Pap. Certainly. Young W. Then I will have her. Pap. What, whether she will or uo 1 YouxG W. Yej;. Pap. How will yon manage thatl Young W. By making it impossible for her to marry any one else. Pap. I (loi.'t luideisiaud yon, sir. Young W. Oh, 1 shull only liave recourse to that talent you so might- ily admire. You will see, by the circulation of a few anecdotes, how s on [ will aeL rid of my rivals. Pap. a I the exjiense of the lady's reputation, perliaps, Young W. That will be as it happens. Pap. And have you no qualms, sir ? Young W. Why, where's ihe injury ? Pap. No iijnry to ruin her fan)e ? Young W. I will lestoie it to her again. Pap. How? Young W. Turn tinker and mend it myself. Pap. Which way? Young W. The old way; solder it by marriage ; that, you know, is the ni' de.n salve for every sore. Pap. Here's yoiw father again, sir. There's no escaping him now. Young W. TJie de\il ! Recover your broken Eaglish, but preserve your rank — I have a reason for it. Uii/er Wilding, l. 2 e. Wilding Oho! j'our .servant, sir. You are welcome to town. Young W. You have ju-t prevented me, sir; I was preparing to pay n)y duty to you. Wild. If you thought it a duty, you should, I think, have sooner disc'ioTiied i'. Y.^UNG W. Sir! AViLD. Was it quite so decent, Jack, to be six weeks in ta,:'n, and coiice.il your.>-e!f only from m? ? Young W. S x weeks ! 1 have scarcely been six hours. "Wild. Coni'^, c 'me, I am bene.- informed. Young W. Indeed, sir, you are imposed upon. This gentleman (first give me leive to hive the honor of introducing him to you), this, sir, is Die Marquis de Chaie^ubrilliant, of an ancient liouse in Briitany ; who, travellii'ii ihrouiih England, chose to raike Oxford, for some lime, the l)'ace of his lesidence, where I had the happ'.ness of his acquaintance. Wild. Does he speak English 1 Young W. Not fluentlv, but understands it perfectly. 1'ap. {nside to Young Wilding). Pray, sir Wild. Any services, sir, that 1 can render you here, you may readily command. Pap. Benucoiip dlionneur. Young W. This gentleman. I sav, sir, whose quality and country are sufficient securities for his veracity, will assure you that yesterday we lefi Oxford toge!h.^r. Wild. Indeel. Pap. Cent vrai. Wild. Th'S is fimazi-iii ! I was at the same time informed of another circiims'ance too, tha', I c 'iifess, made me a little uneasy, a.s it inter- lered with a favur te scheaiO of mv own. 14 TUE LI^R. Young W. Wliat conlil that be, pray, sir ? "NViLD. Tliat voii had conceived a violent affection for a fair ladv. Young W. Sir! AViLD. And had given her ve;y gallant and very expensive proofs of your passion. Young W. Me, sir ? Wild. Particularly last night; music, collations, balls, and fire- works. Young W. Monsieur le Marquis ! And pray, sir, who could tell you all tills 1 Wild. An old friend of yours. Young W, His name, if you please. Wild. Sir James Elliot. Young W. Yes, I thought he was the man. Wild. Your reason ? Young W. Wliy, sir, though Sir James Elliot has a great many good qualiiies, and is, upon the whole, a valuable man, yet he has one fault which has long determined me to drop his acquaintance. Wild. What may that be ? You.NG W. Why you can't, sir, be a stranger to his prodigious skill in the traveller's talent. Wild. How'? YoDNG W. Oh, notorious to a proverb. His friends, who are tender of his fame, glos.^ over his foible, by calling him an agreeable novelist ; and so he is, wiLli a vengeance. Wiiy, he will tell you more lies in an liour than all the circulating libraries put together wiil publish in a year. Wild. Indeed ! Young W. Oii, he is the modern Mandeville ; at Oxford he was al- ways distinguished by the fdcetiou-i np[)ellation of " the Bouncer." Wild. Amazing! Young W. Lord, sir, he is so well understood in his own county, that at the last Hereford assize, a cause as clear as the sun was absolutely thrown away by his beii]g merely mentioned as a witness. Wild. A strange turn. Young W. Unaccountable. But there I think they went a little too far ; for if it had come to an oath, I don'I think he would have bounced neither; but in common occurrences there is no repeating after him. Indeed, my great reas(.n for dropping him was that my credit began to be a little suspected too. Pap. Poor gentleman ! Wild. Wi)y, I never heard this of him. Young W. That may be; but can there be a stronger proof of his practice tiiaii the flam he has been telling you, of fireworks, and iieaven knows what 1 And I dare swear, sir, he was very fluent and florid iu his description. ^ Wild. Extremely. "^ Young W. Yes, that is just his way ; and not a syllable of Li'uth from tlie beginning to the ending, eh, marquis 1 Pap. 1, dat is all a fiction, upon mine honor. Young W. You see, sir. Wild. Clearly ; I really can't help pitying the poor man. I have heard of people who, by long habit, became a kind of constitutional liars. Young W. Your observation is just; that is exactly his case. Pap. (aside). I'm sure it is yours. Wild. Well, sir, I suppose we shall see you this evening 7 ACT I. 15 Young W. The marquis has an appointment with some of his coun- trymen, which I have promised to attend ; besides, sir, as he is an en- tire stranger in town, he may want my Httle services. Wild. Where can I see you in about an hour 1 I have a short visit to malce in wliicli you are deeply concerned. Young W. 1 shall attend your commands, but where 1 Wild. Wiiy, h^re. Marquis, I am your obedient servant. Pap. Voire servi'eiir ties humble. [Exit Wildtng, r. Young W. So, Papillinn, that difficulty is dispatched. I think. I am even wih Sir James for his tattling. Pap. Most ingeniously managed, but are not you afraid of the conse- quence ? Young W. I do not comprehend you. Pap. a future explanation between tlie parties. Young W. That may embarrass, but the day is distant. I warrant I wi 1 bring myself ofE Pap. It is in vain for me to advise. Young W. Why, to say truth, I do begin to find my system attended with danger. Give me your hand, Papillion, I will reform Pap. Ah, sir ! Young \V I positively will. Why, this practice may, in time, destroy my credit. Pap. {aside). That is pretty well done already, {aloud) Ay, think of that, sir. Young W. Well, if I don't turn out the merest dull mntter-of-fact fel- low. — But, Papillion, I must scribble a billet to my new flame. I think her name is Pap. Godfrey ; her fatlier, an India governor shut up in tlie strong room at Calcutta, left her all his wealth ; she lives n ar Miss Grantham, by Grosvenor square. Young W, A governor! — Oh ho!— Bushels of rupees and pecks of pagod IS, I reckon. Well, I long to be rummaging. But the old gen- tleman will soon return; I will hasten to finish my letter. But, Papil- lion, what could my father mean by a visit in which I am deeply con- cei nt-d 1 Pap. I can't guess. Young W. I shall know presently. To Miss Godfrey, formerly of Cal- cutta, now residing in Grosvenor square. Papillion, I won't tell her a word of a lie. Pap. You won't, sir ? Young W. No; it would ba ungenerous to deceive a lady. No; I wi 1 be open, candid, and sincere. Pap. And if you are, it will be the first time. [Exit, l. 2 e. Enter Miss Grantham and Miss Godfrey. , Miss Go, And you really like this gallant spark 1 Miss Gr. Prodigiously! Oh, I'm quite in love with his assurance! I wonder who he is ; he can't have been long in town. A young fellow of his easy impudence nmst have soon made his w^ay into the best of company. Miss Go. By way of amusement, he may prove no disagreeable acquainance ; but you can't surely leave any designs upon him "? Miss Gr. Indeed but 1 have. Miss Go. And poor Sir James Elliot is to be discarded at once 1 Miss Gk. Oh, no ! Mi^s Go. What is your intention in regard to him I 16 THE LIAli. Miss Gr. Hey ?— I can't tell you. Perhaps, if I don't like Ibis nev) man belter, 1 may marry him. Miss Go. Tiiou art a slraiiiie, giddy girl Miss Gi:. Qiiiie the reverse! a perfect pattern of prudence; why, would you have me less carelul of my person than my pu:se 1 Miss G>. Mv dear? Miss Gr. Why, 1 say, dear, my fortune beins; in money, T have some in Ind a bonds, some in the bank, some on this loan, some on the oilier! so that if one fu;,(l fails, 1 have a sue resource in the rest. Miss Go. Very true. Miss Gk. Weil, my dear, just so I manage my love affairs; if I should not like this man — if lie should not liiie me — if we should quarrel — if if — or in short, if any of the ifs should happen which you know break engagements every day, why, by this raeai.s I shall be never at a loss. Miss Go. Quite provident. Well, and pray on how many different securities have you at present placed out your love ? Miss Gk. Three. The sober Sir James Elliot ; the new America man ; and this morning I expect a formal proposal from an old friend of my father. Miss Go. Mr. "Wilding 1 Miss Gr. Yes ; but J. don't reckon much upon him, for you know, my dear, what can 1 do with an awkward, raw college cub 1 Though, upon second thoughts, that mayn't he too bad neither, for as I must have the fashioning of him, he may be easily moulded to oue's mud. Unter Old Wilding, r. u. e. Wild. Ladies, your servanr. I have just called at your houso, but was ti>ld I sliould tlnd you in the park. I wait n[)on you, madam, wiili a request from my son that he may be permilied the honor of kissing your hand. Miss Gr. Your son is in town, then 1 Wild. He came last niizht, ma'am ; and though but just from the universiiy, I thii.k I may venture lo affirm with as little the air of a pe lani as Miss Gr. I don't, Mr, Wilding, question the accomplishments of your son ; and shall o.Mi, too. that his being de cended from the old friend of mv f iiher is to me the strongest recommend iiion. Wild. You honor nie, madam. Miss Gr. Bu', sir, I have something to say. Wild. Pray, mad im, speak out; it is impossible to be too explicit on thes^ iniporiant occasions. Miss Gr. But you know, sir, there are such things in nature as unac- countable antipaihies, aversions, that we take at first sight. I should be glad there c'juld be no danger of that. Wild. I understand yon, madim. You shall have all the satisfaction imaginable. Jack is to meet me immedintely. He is here close at hand, and 1 will iniroduce him at once; and if his figure has the misfor- tune lo displease, I will take care his addresses shall never offend you. Your most obed ent servant. [Exit, l. Miss Gr. Now there is a polite, sensible old father for you ! Miss Go. Yes ; and a very discreet, prudent daughter he is likely to have. Oh, you are a great hypocrite, Kitiy ! £nter John, l, 2 e. John. A letter for you, madam, {to Miss Godfrey.) ACT I. 17 Miss Gr. Lord, here comes Sir James Elliot. He seems entirely wrapt up in the dismals ; what can be the matter now 1 Enler Sir James Elliot, r. u. e. Sir J. In passing by your door, 1 look the liberly, madam, of inquir- inji alter your health. Miss Gr. Very obliging. I hope, sir, you received a favorable account. Sir J. I did not know but you might have caught cold last night. Miss Gr. Cold 1 why, sir, I hope 1 didn't sleep with my bed chamber window open. Sir J. Madam! Miss Git. Sir ! Sir J. No, madam ; but it was rather hazardous to slay so late npon the wale'-. Miss Ga. Up )n the water ! Sir J. Not but the variety of amusements, it must be owned, were a sufficient lenipLation. Miss Gr. What can lie be driving at now % {aside.) SiK J. And pray, madam, what think you of young Wilding 1 Is he not a gay, agreeable, sprightly Miss Gr. I never give my opinion of people I don't know. Sir J. You don't know him ! Miss Gr. No. Sir J. And his father, did he not just leave you 1 Miss Gr. Most likely he did. Sir J. I am glad you own that, however. But for the son yon never Miss Gr. Set eves upon him. Sir J. Really l' Miss Gr. Really. Sir J. Finely supported ! Now, mndim, do you know that one of ns is just going to make a very ridiculous figure ? Miss Gi4. Sir, I never had the least doubt of your talents for excelling in that way. Siu J. Madam, yon do me honor ; but it does not happen to fall to my h)t upon this occasion, however. Miss Gu. And that is a wonder ! — what, then I am to be the fool of the couipdy, 1 suppose 1 Sir J. Admirably rallied ! But I shall dash the spirit of that trium- })h ini laugh. Miss Gr. I dare the attack. Come on, sir. Sir J. Know then, and blush, that I am no stranger to last night's transactions. Miss Gr. Indeed ! Sir J. From vdur first entering the barge at Somerset House, to your last Ian ling at Wiiiiehall. Miss Gr. Surprising ! Sir J. Cu[)i Is, collation.*!, feasts, fiiewoiks, all have reached me. Miss Gr. Wny, you deal in magic. Sir J. My intelligence is as naiural as it is infallible. Miss Gr. May 1 be indulged with the name of your informer? Sir J. Only the very individual spark to whose folly you were indebted for this gallant |)rofiision. Miss Gr. But his name 1 Sir J. Toung Wilding. 18 THE LIAK. Miss Gr. Vou hrid tliis story from him? Sir J. 1 liatl. Miss Gu. From Mr. Wilding! — that is amazing. Sir J. Oil lio ! what, you are cjiifouuded at last; and no evasion, no subLetfuge, no • Miss Gr. Loolc ye, Sir James; what you can mean by this strange story, and very extraordinary behavior, it is impossible forme to con- ceive; but as you curt expect that I should be prodigiously pleased with ihe subjeci of ihis visit, you wou'l be surprised at my wishuig it as short as possible. Sir J. I don't wonder you feel pain at my presence; but you may rest secure; you will !iave no interruption for me, and I really think it would be a p ty to part two people j-o exactly foimed for each olher. Your laib!e "? Miss Gr. And do you positively want a reason 1 Miss Go. Positively. Miss Gr. Why, then, T shall refer you for an answer to a faithful counsellor and most accomplished critic. Miss Go. Who may that be? Miss Gr. The mirror u{)on your toilet. Miss Go. Perhaps you may differ in judgment. Miss Gr. Why, can glasses flatter'? Miss Go. I can't say I think that necessary. Miss Gr. Saucy enough ! But come, dear, don't let us quarrel upon so whimsical an occasion, lime will explain the whole. You will favor me witJi your op'.nion of young Wilding. Miss Go. Here he comes with his father. Miss Gr. You will forgive me, my dear, the little hint I dropt ; it was meant merely to serve you, for indeed, dear, there is no quality so insufFerdble in a woman as self-c.>nceit and vanity. Miss Go. You are most prodigiously obliging ! Miss Gr. Pert thing! She grows immoderate ugly. I always thoU4ht her awkwad, but she is now an absolute fright ! ACT I. 19 Miss Go, As I live, llio very individual stranger ! Miss Gk. No, sure! Oh, let rae have a peep! Miss Go. It is hw ! [they retire behind trees, u. 2 e.) Enter Widding, Young Wilding, atid V apillw^ , l. Wild. There, Marquis, you must pardon me, for though Paris be* more compact, yet surely London covers a much greater quanLiiy. Well, Jack, what do you say to my project, you rogue, you 1 a fine giil, and an immense fortune ; ay, and a prudent sensible wencli into ihe bargain. Young W. Time enough yet, sir. Wild. I don'L see that ; you are, lad, the last of our race, and I should be "lad to see some probability of its continuance. Young W. Suppose, sir^ you were to repeat your endeavors ; you have coidially my consent. Wild. No; rather too late in life for that expeiiment. Young W. V/hy, sir, would you recommend a condition to me that you disapprove of yourself? Wild. Why, sirrah, I hive done my duty to the public and ray family by producing you. Now, sir, it is incuiubeni on you to discharge your debt. Young W. In the college cant, [ shall beg leave to tick a little loniier. Wild. Whj', then, to be serious, son, this is the very business I want- ed to talk with you about. In a word, I wish you mirried ; and, by providing the lady for the purpose, I have proved mj'self both a father and a friend. Young W. Far be it from me to question your care, yet some prep- aration for so important a change Wild. Oh. I will allow you a week. Young W. A little more knowledge of the world. Wild. That you may study at leisure. Young W. Now, alf Europe is in arms, my design was to serve my country abroad. Wild. You will be full as useful to it by recruiting her subjects at home. Young W. You are then resolved "i Wild. Fixed. Young W. Positively! Wild. Peremptorily. Youn'g W. No prayers Wild. Can move me. Young W. {aside). How the deuce shall I get out of this t )il 7 (aloud) But suppose, sir, there should l)e an insurmountable objection 1 Wild. Oh, leave the reconciling that to me ; I am an excellent casu- ist. Young W. But I say, sir. if it should be impossible to obey your commands 1 Wild. Impossible 1 I don't understand you. Young W. Oh, sir! But on my knees first let me crave your par- don. Wild. Pardon ! for what 7 Young W. I fear I have lost all title to your future favor. . Wild. Which way 7 - "' ^ Young W. I have done a deed Wild. Let's hear it. 20 THK LFAK. YouNO W. At Abingdon, in the county of Berks. Wild. Well ? Young W. I am Wild. What^ Young W. Already married. Wild. Mairied I Pap. Married! Yodng W. Married ! Wild. And without my consent ? Young W. Compelled — fatally forced. Oh, sir, did you bul know all the clrciimsLances of my sad, sad story, your rage would soon converl itself to piiy. Wild. What an unlucky event ! But rise, and let me hear it all. Young W. The shame and confusion I now feel renders that ta>k at present impossible; I must, therefoie, rely for the relation on the good offic?s of this faithful friend. Pap. Me, sir? I never heard one word of the matter. Wild. Come, .Maiqnis. lavor me with the particular.s. Pap. Upon ray void, saie, dis alfair has so shock me, dat I am almost as incapable to tell de tale as your son. {to Young Wilding) Dry-a your tears ; what can I say, sir ] Young W. Anything ! Oh ! {weeps extravagantly.) Pap. You see, sare. Wild. Your kind concern at the misfortunes of my family calls for the mu^t grateful acknowledgment. Pap. D.s is great misfortune, sans doute. Wild. But if vou, a stranger, are thus aflfected, what must a father feel 1. Pap. Oh, heaucoup ; a great deal more. Wild. But since the evil is without a remedy, let us know the worst at once ; well, sir, at Abingdon % Pap. Yes, at Abingdon. Wild. In tlie county of Berks. Pap. D it is riuht, in the county of Berk"?. YuuNG W. Oh, oh! Wild. Ah, J.ick, Jack ! are all my hopes, then — Though I dread to ask, yet it must be known ; who is tlie girl, i)ray, sir % Pap. De girl, sir ? {a-ide to Young Wildingj Who shall I say, sir 1 Young W. Anybody. Pap. For de girl, I can't say, upon my vard. Wild, H n* condition 1 Pap. Pas grand condition; dat is to be sure; but dere is no help. {aside to Young Wilding) Sir, I am quire aground. ^V'ILD. Yes, I re id my shame in his reserve — ome artful hussy. Pap. Dit may be. Vat you call hussy '? Wild. Or perhaps some common creature ; but I'm prepared to hear tl»e worst. Pap. Have you no mercy 7 Young W. I'll st^^p to your relief, sir. Pap. Lonl, a happy dehverance ! Yt)UNG W. Thonsh it is al!ac.st death to speak, yet it would be infi- nious to let the reputation of the lady suffer t)y my silence. She is, sir, of nn fincieiit house and unble;nished character. Wild. That is something. Young W. And though her fortune may not be equal to the warm wishes of a find f ither, yet Wild. Her name"? ACT I. 21 Young W. Mi^s L; dia Svbthoip. AViLD. Sybiliuip? 1 never l.eaid of tlie name; but proceed. Young W. Tlie h.t-er end of last long vacation, 1 went with Sir James Ellioi to pass a few days at a new puichise of his near Abingdon. Tlieie, at an assembly, it was my chance to meet and dance with this ladv. Wild. Is she handsome 1 Young W. On sir, more beautiful llian Venus ! Wild. Nay, no raptures; but go on. Young W. But lo her beauty she adds politeness, aflf bility, and dis- ci eiion; unless sh3 forieited that character by fixing her affections on me. Wild. Modestly observed. Young W. I was deterred from a public declaration of my passion, dreading the scantine.-~s of her fortune would prove an objection to you. Some private interviews she permitted. Wild. Was that so decent 1 — But love and prudence, madness and reason. Young W. One fatal evening, the twentieth of September, if I mistake not, we were in a retired room, innocently exchanging mutual vows, when her father, whom we expected to sup abroad, came suddenly upon us. I had just time to conceal myself in a closet Wild W. What, unobserved by him ? Young W. Entirely. But as my ill stars would have it, a cat, of whom my wife is vastly fond, had a few days before, lodged a litter of kittens in the same place; I unhappily trod upon one of the brood; which so proVi)ked the implacable mother, that she flew at me with the fury of a tiger. Wild. I have observed those creatures very fierce in defence of their young. Pap. I sliall hate a cat as long as I live ! Young. The noise roused the old gentleman's attention ; he opened the door, and there discovered your son. Pap. Unlucky. Young W. I rusjied to the door ; but fatally my foot slipt at the top of the stairs, and down I came tumbling to the bottom. The pistol in my hand went oil by accident; this alarmed her three brothers in the parlor, who, with all their servants, rushed with united force upon me. Wild. And so sur[)riseil you? Young W. No, sir; with my sword I for some lime made a gallant defence, and should have inevitably escaped ; but a raw-boned, over- grown clumsy cook-wei,ch struck at my sword with a kitchen poker, broke it in two, and compelled me to surrender at discretion ; the con- sequence of which is obvious enough. Wild. Natural. The lady's reputation, your condition, her beauty, your love, all combined to make marriage an unavoidable measure. Young W. May 1 hope, then, you rather think me unfortunate than culpxble ? Wild. Why, your situation is a sufficient excuse ; all I blame you for is your keeping it a secret from me. With Miss Grantham I shall make an awkward figure ; but tlie best apology is the truth. Young W. Certainly, sir; for truth may be blamed, though it cannot be shamed — for, as Harry Hotspur said, '"' Oh, while you live, tell truth and shame the devil." Wild. Well, well ; I'll hasten and explain it to her all— Oh, Jack, Jack, this is a mortifying business ! Young W. Most melancholy. [Exit Wilding, l. J^L THE LIAU. Pap. I am amazed, sir, that you have so carefully concealed this transaction from me. Young W. Heyday ! what, do you believe il too \ Pap. Believe it ! why, is not the sLory of h'j marriage true? Young W. Not a syllable. Pap. And the cat, and the pistol, and tb*- poker % Young W. All invention. And were yo^r real y taken in % Pap. Lord, sir, how was it possible tc avoid it 1 Mercy on us, what a collection of circumstances have you 'Jrowded together ! Young W. Genius, the mere eferit^ of genius, Papiliion ; but to de- ceive you, who so thorou2hly kno^t' if>3 ! Pap. But to prevent that for the future, could you not just give your humble servant a liint when 'Jxu are bent upon bouncing ] Besides, sir, if you recollect your fiieci '.esoiution to reform Young W. Ay, as to n'^^^ier of fancy, the ni'^re sport and frolic of in- vention ; but in case of necessity — why, Miss Godfrey was at s.ake, and I was forced to use a-li my finesse. Enter a Servant, b. Servant. Two leltors, sir. [Exit, r. Pap. There r>i'e two things, in my conscience, my master will never want — a prr-mpt lie, and a ready excuse for telling it. Young ^'A . Hum ! business besins to thicken upon us ; a challenge from Sir James Elliot, and a rendezvous from the pretty Miss Godfrey, They shall both be observed, but in their order; therefore the lady firot. Let me see — 1 have not been twenty hours in t )w:i, and I have ahsady got a challenge, a mistress, and a wife; now, if I can get e i- gaged in a Ciancery suit, I shall have my hauls prettv full of employ- ment. Come, Papiilion, we have no time to be idle. [Exeunt, r. 2 e. ACT IL SCENE. — An Apartment in Miss G 'DFREy's House, in od grooves. Screen, R. c. Discover Miss Grantuaji and Miss Godfrey, r. Miss Go. Upon my word, Miss Grantham, this is but an idle p'ece of curiosity; you know the man is already disposed of, and theretore Miss Gr. That is true, my dear, but there is in this affair some mys- tery that I must and will have explained. Miss Go. Come, come, I know the grievance; you caii't brook that this spark, though even a married man, sliould throw off his allegiance to you, and enter a volunteer in my service. Miss Gr. And so you take the fact for granted 1 Miss Go. Have I not his letter 1 Miss Gr. Conceited creature ! I fancy, miss, by your vast affection for this letter, it is the fi: st of the kind you have ever received. Miss Go. Nay, my dear, why should you be piqued at me"? the fault is none of mine ; I dropt no handkerchief, I threw out no lure, the bird came willingly to hand, you know. Miss Gr. Metaphorical too! What, you are setting up for a wit as ACT I. 23 well as a belle! Why, really, madam, to do you justice, you have full as fine pretensions to one as lUe oilier. Miss Go. I fancy, madam, the world will not form their judgment of either from the report of a disappointed rival. Miss Gr. Rival! admirably rallied! But let me tell you, madam, this sort of behavior, madam, at your own house, whatever may be your beauty, is no great proof of your breeding, madam. Miss Go, As to that, madam, I hope I shall always show a proper re- sentment to any insult that is offered me, let it be in whose house it will ; ihe assignation, madam, both time and place, was of your own contriving. Miss Gr. Mighty well, madam ! Miss Go. But if, dreading a mortification, you think proper to alter your plan, your chair, I believe, is in waiting. Miss Gr. It is, madam ; then let it wait ! Oh, what ! that was your scheme! but it wou'l take, miss, the contrivance is a litile too shallow. Miss Go. I don't understand you. Miss Gr. Cunning creature! so all this insolence was concerted, it seems ; a plot to drive me out of the house, that you might have the fellow all to yourself; but I have a regard for your character though you neglect it. Fie, miss, a passion for a married man ! 1 really blush for you. Miss Go. And I sincerely pity you. But curb your choler a little ; the inquiry you are abtut to make requires rather a cooler disposition of mind; and by this time the hero is at hand. Miss Gr. Mighty well; I am prepared. But, Miss Godfrey, if you really wish to be acquitted of all artificial underhand dealings in this affiir, suffer me in your name to mnnage the interview. Miss Go. Most willingly. {Enter John, ivho whispers to Miss Godfrey) It's he ! Miss Gr. Then hide yourself, miss, if you please. Here, behind the screen. Enter Young Wilding, l. Young W. This is the temple, and there is my goddess herself— Miss Godfrey. Am I right ? Miss Gr. You received my letter I see, sir. Young W. Ami flew to the appointment with more Miss Gr. No raptures, I beg. But you must not suppose this meeting meant to encourage your hopes. Young W. How, madam 1 Miss Gr. Oh, by no means, sir ; for though I own your figure is pleas- ing, and your conversation Miss Go. Hold, miss ; when did I ever converse with him 7 {from within.) Miss Gr. Why, did you not see him in the Park ? Miss Go. True, madam ; but the conversation was with you. Miss Gr. Bless me ! you are very difficult. I say, sir, though your person mav be unexceptionable, yet your character Young W. My character ! Miss Gr. Come, come, you are better known than you imagine. Young W. 1 hope not. Miss Gr. Your name is Wilding. YoDNG W. How tlie deuce came she by that ! — True, madam. Miss Gu. Pray, have you never heard of a Miss Grantham ] YouNO W. Frequently. 24 THE LIAR. Miss Git. Yoii have. And had you never any favorable thoughts of thai lady ? Young W. If you mean as a l.jver, never. The lady did me the honor to have a small desisjn upon m?. Miss Go. I hear every word, miss. Miss Gr. I have been told, sir, that Young \V. Yes, madam, and very likely by the laJy herself. Miss Git. Sir! YouxG W. Oh, madam, I iiave another obligation in my pocket to Miss Gra'ilham, wliich must be discharged in the morning. Miss Gii. Of what kind 1 (rises.) Young VV. Why, the lady, finding an old humble servant of hers a lit- tle lethargic, has thought fit to administer me in a jealous draught, in order to quicken his passion. Miss Gr. Sir, let me tell you Miss Go. Have a care ; you will betray yourself. Y'ouNG \V. Oh, the whole story will afford you infinite diversion ; such a farrago of sights and feasts and fireworks. But upon my honor, the girl has a fertile inveniion. Mrss Gr. Every syllable false. — But, sir, we have another charge against you. Do you know anytliing of a lady at Abingdon 1 Young W. Miss Grantham again. Yes, madam, i have some knowl- edge of that lady. Miss Gr. You have 1 Well, sir, and that being the case, how could you have the assurance Young W. A moment's patience, madam. — That Indy, that Berkshire lady, will, I cm assure you, prove no bar to my hopes. Miss Gr. How, sir; no barl Y^juxg W. Not in the least, madam ; for that lady exists in idea only. Miss Gk. No such person ! Young W. A mere creature of the imagination. Miss Gr. Indeed ! Young W. The attacks of Miss Grantham were so powerfully enforced, too, by paternal authority, that 1 had no method of avoiding the blow, but by the sheltering myself under the conjugal shield. Miss Gr. But how am I to credit the asseriion 1 Young W. Nay, madam, surely Miss Godfrey shou'd not accuse me of a crime her own charms have occasioned. Could any other motive, but the fear of losing her, prevail on me to trifle with a father, or compel me to infringe those laws which I have hitherto so inviolably observed 1 Miss Gil. What laws, sir ? YoUxVg W. The .^acred laws of truth, madam. Miss Gr. There, indeed, you did yourself an infinite violence. But, when the whole of the affair is discovered, will it be so easy to get rid of Miss Grantham 1 The violence of her passion, and the old gentle- man's obstinacy Young W. Are nothing to a mind resolved. Miss Gr. Poor Miss Grantham ! YouxG W. Do you know her, madam? Miss Gr. I have heard of her ; but you, sir, I suppose, have been long on an intimate footing 1 Young W. Bred up together from children. Miss Gu. Brave ! — Is she handsome ? Young W. Her paint comes from Paris, and her femme de chambie is an excellent artist. Miss Gr. Very well!— Her shape? ACT ir. 2o YocNo W. Prav, iiiaduii, is not. Cuiz>'H e^Lcemed the best stay-maker for jH'Oiile iiic med u> l^e cinoked ? Miss Gij. Biu as lo the qualities of her luiud j ior instance, her under- siaii.liiii I Youya W. Uiictiliivated. AJiss Gi{ Her wit? YdUXG W. Bui rowed. Miss Gr, Her lasted Young W. Trifling. Miss Gii. And her t'^mperl Young W. Intolerable. Miss Gr. A fiiii.-hed ])icture. But come, tliese are not your real thou ihis ; this is a sacrifice you think due to ihe vanity of our sex. YocxG W. My honest senliuients ; and lo convince you how ihorou^h- ly iiriiff'-rent I am lo that lady, I would, uixm my vi-raciLv, as soon take a wife from ihe Grai.d Seignior's seriiglio. — Now, madam, I liope you are sati>fie(h Miss Gh. And you woulil not scruple to acknowledge this before the lady's ficp 1 Young W. The first opportunity. Miss Gu. That I will lake care to provide you. — Dare you meet her here ] Young W. When 1 Miss Gr. In half an h )ur. Young W. But won't a declaration of this sort aopear odd at — n Miss Gn. Come, i;o evasion ; I must insist on tliis proof at least of YouxG W. You sliall have it. Miss Gk. In half an hour ? YouxG W. This instant. Miss Gr. Be punctual. Young W. Or may 1 forfeit your favor. [Exi/, l Miss Gr. Yery well; till then, sir, adieu, (nside) Now I ihink I Iw.ve my spark in the toils ; and if the fellow has any fei^ling, if I don't m ike him smar.; for every aiticle — ^(o Miss Godfrey) C"me, my deai-, I shall stand in need of your aid. JSxit, h Enter John, l , showing in Wilding. John. T will let my lady know, sir.-- Sir James Elliot is in Ihe next r. om, w,ni ing for her. AViLD. Pray, honest friend, will von tell Sir James that 1. beg the favor of a w..rd with him? {Exit John) This un-hinkiiii boy! Half ihe pur- pose of my lile has been to pUn this scheme for his happiness, and in one heedless hour has he mangled a 1. EntiT Sir James Elliot, l. Sir, I ask youi" pardon ; but upon so interesting a subject, I know you will excuse n)y inMusion. Pray, sir, of wiiat credit is tlie family of llip SvbLhoips in B-rkshire 1 SiRJ. Sir! Wild 1 don't mean as to property ; that I am not so solicitous about ; but as to their character. Do they live in reputation 1 Are they respect- ed in the neighborhood ? Sir J. The familv of the Syb'horps? Wild. Of the Syb.liops. 26 THE LIAK. Sir J. Really, I don't know, i>\v. Wild. NuL know ? Siu J. No ; it is tiie very first time I ever heard of the name. "VViLn {"Side). How sie.idily lie denies it; well done, Baronet ! I find Jack's account Wi.s a jii.-t one. {nloud) Prav, Sir James, recollect vour- self. Sir J. It will be to i;o purpose. Wild. Come, sir, your raoiive for this aff.-cted ignorance is a i^ener- ous but unnecessary proof of your friendship for my son ; but I know the whole jifFair. Sir J. What aff'air'? Wild. Jack's marriage. Sir J. Whit Jnckl AViLD. My son Jack. Sir J. Is he married 1 Wild. Is he married ? why, you know he is. Sir J. Not I, upon my honor. AViLD. Nay, that is goinjr a little too far ; but to remove all your scruples at once, he has owned it himself. Sir J. He has ! Wild. Ay, ay, to me ; eve }■ circum'^tance — :Toing to your new pur- chase at Abinsidon — uieetinLT Lydia Syl»tliorp at the assembly — their private interviews — suipri ed by ihe father — pistol — poker — and mar- riage ; in short, every paticular. Sir J. And this account you had from your son ? Wild. From Jack — not iwo hours ago. Sir J. 1 wish you joy, sir. Wild. Not much of thit, I believe. Sir J. Why, sii-, does the maniige dsplease you ? W^iLD. Doubtless. Sir J. Then I fai.cy vou mav make yourself easy. Wild. Why so? Sir J. You have got, sir, the most prudent dAughter-i:i-law in the Bri'ish dominions. Wild. 1 am hap{)y to hear it. Sir J. For though she mayn't have brought you much, I'm sure she'll not cost you a farthing. Wild. Ay. exacily Jack's account. Sir J. She'll be easily joiniuved. Wild. Justice shall be d( ne her. Sir J. No provision nece-sary for younger child.en. Wild. No, sir; wiiy not? I can tell you, if she answers your ac- count, not the daughter of a duke Sir J. Ha, ha, ha, ha ! Wild. You are merry, sir. Sip. J. What an unaccountab'.e old fellow! Wild. Sir ! Sir J. I beg your pardon, sir ; but with le^iard to this marriage Wild. Well, sir! Sir J. I take the whole history to be neither more nor less than an absolute f ible. Wild How, sir ! Sir J. Even so. Wild. Wiiy, sir, do you think my son would dare to impose upon me 1 Sir J. Si'-, he would dare to impose upon anybody. Don't I know him ] ACT ir. 27 Wild. What do you know 7 Sir J. I know, sir, that his narratives gain him more applause than ciediL, and that, whether from constitution or habit, there is no believ- ing a syllable he says. Wild. Oh, mighty well, sir! {aside) He wants to turn the tables upon Jack, but it won't do. You are forestalled — your novels won't pass up- on me. Sir J. Sir ? AViLD. Nor is the character of my son to be blasted with the breath of a b,)uticer. Sir J. Wliat is this? Wild. No, no, Mr. Mandeville, it won't do ; you are as well known here as in your own couniy of Hereford. Sir J. Mr. Wilding, but that I am sure this extravagant behavior owes iis rise to some impudent impositions of your sun, your age would scarce prove your protection. Wild. Nor, sir, but that I know my boy equal to the defence of his own honor, should he want a protector in this arm, withered and impo- tent as you may think it Enter Miss Grantham, r. Miss Gr. Bless me, gentlemen, what is the meaning of this 1 Sir J. No more at present, sir; I have another demand upon your son ; we'll settle the whole together. Wild. I am sure he will do you justice. Miss Gr. How, Sir James JEUiot ; must I be the eternal object of your outrage? not only insulted in my own person, but in that of my fiifnds ! Pray, sir, what riglit Wild. Madam, I ask your pardon ; a disagreeable occasion brought me here. I come, madam, to renounce all hopes of being nearer allied to you, my son, unfortunately, being married already. Miss Gr. Mai-ried ! Sir J. Yes, madam, to a lady in the clouds ; and because I have re- fused lo acknowledge her f unily, this old gentleman has behaved in a manner very inconsistent with his usual politeness! Wild. Sir, 1 thought this alrair w..s to be reserved for another occa- sion ; but you, it seems Miss Gr. Oh, is that the business ! Why, 1 begin to be afraid that we are here a little in the wrong, Mr. Wilding. Wild. Madam ! Miss Gr. Your son lias just confirmed Sir James Elliot's opinion. Wild. Is it possible 7 Miss Gii. Most true ; and assigned two most whimsical motives for the unacconniable tale. Wild. What can they be? Mips Gr. An aversion for me, whom he has seen but once, and an affection for Miss Godfrey, whom, I am almost sure, he never saw in his life. Wild. You amaze me. Miss Gr. Ind-'ed, Mr. Wilding, your son is a most extraordinary youth ; he has finely peri)!oxed us all. I think. Sir James., you have a small ol»ligation to him. Sir J. Wnich I shall take care to acknowledge the first opportunity. Wild. You have my consent. An abindoned profligate 7 Was his father a proper subj-^ct for his— but I discard him. 28 THK LIAK. Miss Gr. Nay, now, sentlpraeii, y^n nre ratlipr too warm ; I can't tliink iMr. Wililing hard-he.uied al llie botlora. This is a levity. Wild. How, iiiudaiii, a leviiy ] Miss Gr. Take my word for it, no mote; inflimed into Imb't by the approbation of Ids juvenile f ieiids. Will you submit bis punishment to lue "? I think I have the means in my hands both to satisfy your resent- men's and accomplisli his cure into the b;iro;iiii. SiH J. I have no quarrel to him, but fur the ill offices he has done me with you. Miss Gu. D'ye hear, Mr. Wilding'? I am afraid my opinion with Sir James must cpment the general peace. Wild. Madatn, I submit to any Enter JoHJf, L. JoHX. iNIr. Wilding to w^it upon you, madam. [Exit, l. Miss Gr. He is punctual, I find. Come, good folks, you all act un- der my diieciion ; jou, sif, will get from your son, by what means you think fit, the leal tru'th of the Abingdon business; you must likewiso seeminijly consent to his marriage with Miss Godfrey, whom I shrewdy suspect he has, by some odd accident, mistaken for me ; the lady her- self shall appear at your call. Come, Sir James; nay, no ceremony, we must be as busy as bees, [ExU Miss Grantham and Sir James, ii. Wild. This strange boy ! — but I must command my temper. Enter Young Wilding, l. Young W. [ns he enters). People to speak with me 7 See what they want, Papiliion. My father here] that's unlucky enough ! "Wild. Hi, Jack, what btinos you here 7 Young W. Why, I thuugiit it my duty to wait up m Miss Grantham in order to make her some apology for the 1 ile unfornitiale Wild. Well, now, that is prudently as well as politely done. Young W. 1 am happy to meet, sir, with your approbation. Wild. I have been thinking, Jack about my daughier-in-law ; as the afF.iir is pub ic. it is not decent to let her continue longer at her father's. Young W. Sir! Wild. Would it not be right to send for her home 1 Young W. Doubtless, sir. Wild. I think so. Why, then, to-morrow my chariot shall fetch her. Yf»UNG W. [aside). The devil it shall I {nloud) Not quite so soon, if you plea-;e, sir. Wild. No ! Why not 1 Young W, The journey may be dangerous in her present condition. Wild. Whai's the mater with her? Young W. She is in an interesting situation. Wild. An au laciou.s That is lortunale. But, however, an easy cariiaiie and short stages ci.'t iinrt her. Young W. Paidon me, sir, I dare not trust her ; she's so very delicate. Wild. Nay, then, there may be danger ind'ed. But should not I write to her father, just to let him know that you hive discovered the seci-et ? Young W. By all means, sir; it will make him extremely hapi)y. Wild. Wny, then, I will instauLly about it. Pray, how do you direct to him 7 TouNG W. Abingdon, Berkshire. ACT ir. 29 Wild. True ; but liis address ? VouNCr W. Yoii need iioL t ouble yourself, sir; I shall v/riLe by this post in my »i:e, and will send your I-Ller eiiclosevl. Wild. Av, nv, tual wdi di>. {going.) Young W. S>), I have | arritd iliaL thrust. Wild. Though, upon second ihougliLs, Jack, that will rather look too faniiliar for an iniro luctory letter. Young W. Sir? Wild. And the.se country gentlemen are fu'l of punctilios. — No, I'll send !.iin a letter apart; so (jive me his direction. Young W. You liave it, sir. AViLD. Ay, but his nam.'; I have been so hurried, that I have entirely foi'sot it. Young W. I am sure so liave I. (aside) His name — his namej sir — Hoplcins. Wild. Hopkins ! Young W. Y. s, sir,— H, 0, P, K, T, N, S. Wild. Tiiai is not Uie same n:ime that you gave me before 1 Young W. Oh, 1 beg your i)ardon, sir. — Hi ! ha! ha ! Wild. Why, what are you laugiiing at, sir? Young W. Ai the idea of your not ahowing me to know the name of my own wile's father. Wild. I care nuihiiig for tliat, sir ! That was not the name you gave mo before ; it was more like — If 1 recollect — either Sypthorp, or Syb- ihrop. Young W. You are nglil,s:r; that is his paternal appellation; but the name of liopk^n. he took for an estaie of his motiier's; so he is indi - criniinaiely called Hopkins or Sybthorp ; and now 1 recollect I have his letter in my pocket — he signs hiins If Sybtlioip Hopkins. Wild. Td. re is uo end to this; I must st >p him at once. Hark ye, sir, I t'link you ate ca'led my son 1 Young W. I hop^, sir, you have no reason to d >ubt it. Wild. And hn-k upon yourself as a gentleman 7 Young W. In having the honoi- of descending from you. Wild. And tliat you think a sufficient pretensi ^n ] Young W. Sir — pray, sir Wild. And hy what means do you imagine your ancestois obtained that distincru'shing title? By their pre-eminence ia virtue, I supposuv Young W. Doubtless, sir. Wild. And has it never occurred to you, that what was gained by honor iniiiht be lo.st by inf .my ? Young W. Pe.fectly, sii'. Wild. Are you to learn vvint redress even the imputation of a lie demand-; and that nothing less than the life of tne adversary can oxtingui> inner in your infamy 7 Mu-t your fither be made the innocent ins:rument to circulate your abomin- able impositions 1 Young W. But, sir ! Wild. Within this hour my 1 f-^ was nearly sacrificed in defence of your fiine ; but. peili .ps that was your intention ; and the story of your "mairiaize merely calcidaied to send m ; out of ihe world, as a grateful return for my bringing you into it. Young W. For heavej's sake, sir ! 30 THE LIAR. Wild. What otiier motive '? Young W. Here me, I entreat you, sir. Wild. To be again imposed on! No, Jack ; my eyes are opened at last. YouxG W. By all that's sacred, sir Wild. I am now deaf to your delusions. Young W. But hear me, sir. I own the Abingdon business Wild. An absolute fielion. Young W. I do. Wild. And how dare you Young W. I crave but a moment's audience. Wild. Go on. Y'ouNG W. Previous to the communication of your intention for rae I actndently met with a lady, wiiose charms Wild. So ! — what, heiv's another marriage trumped out 1 but that is a stale device. Aid, pray, sir, what place does this lady inhabit] Comf, come, c )me, ao i>n ; you have a fertile invention, and this is a fine opportunity. Well, sir, and this charming lady, residing, I suppose, tn 7iubibHs Young W. No, sir ; in London. Wild. Ind^^pd ! Young W. Nay, more, and at this instant in the next room. Wild. And her name? Young W. Godfrey. Wild. The mistress of this house] Young W. The very same, sir. Wild. H ive you spoken to her 1 Y'ouNG W. Parted from h'r not ten minutes ago; nay, am here by her n])poiniment. Wild Has she favored your address 1 Young W. Time, sir, and your approbation will, I hope. Wild. L lok ye, sir, as there is some little probabiliy in this story, I shall think it wo.tli further inquiry. To be plain with you, I know Miss Godfrey ; am iniimale with iior f imily ; nnd ttiouiih you deserve l)UL little from rae, I will endeavor to aid your intention. But if, in the pro- gress of tnis (iffiiir, you prnclise any of your usual arts; if 1 discover the least filsehood, the least duplicity, remember you have lost a father. Young W. I shall submit without a murmur. [Exit Wilding, u. Enter Papillion, l. P.\p. Sir. sir, here has been the devil to pay below. Young W. And, sir. sir, sir, here has been tiie devil to pay above. Pap. Tliere are a whole legion of cooks, confectioners, musicians, w liters, and wniermen. Y -dng W. Wh.it do they want 1 Pa p. You, sir. Vou .G W. Me ! Pap. Yes, sii-; they have brought in their bills. YuUNG W. B lis ! for what ? Pap. For thf entertainment vou gave last night upon the water. Y UN'? W. That I gavel Pap Yes, sir; you remember the bill of fare; I am sure the very m^*^tion of 11 makes my mouth water. Young W. Prythee, are you mad 7 There must be some mistake; y u kno>v that I 1*AP. They have been v.:stly puzzled to find out your lodgings ; but ACT II. 31 Mr. Robinson meeting b)' accident with Sir James Elliot, he was kind enoutjh to U'll him where you lived. Here are the hills: AInnck's, twelve dozen of Ciaret, ditto Cliampagne, Froniiuiac, Sweetmeats, Pine- apples ; the whole amount is £372 9s., besides music and fireworks. Young W. (jome, sir, this is no time for trifling. Pap. N ly, sir, they say they have gone full as low as they can afford, and they were in hopes, from the great satisfaction you expressed to Sir James Elliot, tliat you would throw them in an additional compliment. Young W. Hark ye, Mr. Papillion, if you don't cease your impeiti- nence, I shall pay you a compliment that you would gladly excuse. Pap. Upon my faith, [ relate but the mere matter of fact; you know, sir, I am but bad at invention. Young W. But are you serious 1 is this possible 1 Pap. Most certainly ; it was with difficulty I restrained their impa- tience ; but, however. I have dispatched them to your lodgings, with a promise that you shall immediately meet them. Young W. Oh, there we shall soon rid our hands of the troop. Now, Papillion, I have news for you ; my father has got to the bottom of the whole Abingdon business. Pap. The deuce ! Young W. We parted this moment ; such a scene ! Pap. And what was the issue 1 Young W, Hap[)y beyond my hopes. Not only an act of oblivion, but a promise to plead ray cause with the fair. Pap. With Miss God trey ] YouxG W. Who elsel He is now with her in the next room. Pap. And there is no — you understand me — in all this 1 Young W. No, no ; that is all over now — my reformation is fixed. Pap. As a w^eathercook. Young W. Here comes my father. Enter Wilding, r. Wild. Well, sir, I find in this last article you have condescended to tell me the truth ; the lady is not averse to your union, but, in order to fix so mutable a mind, I have drawn up a slight contract, which you are both to siiin. Young W. With transport. Wild. I will introduce Miss Godfrey. [Exit, k. Young W. Did not I tell you, Papillion 1 Pap. This is amazing, indeed ! Young W. Am not I happy, fortunate ? But they come. Enter Wilding and Miss Godeuey, r. Wild. If, madam, he has not the highest sense of the great honor you do him, I shall cease to regard him. — There, sir, make your own ac- knowledgjments to that lady. I You.NG W. Sir! AViLD. This is more than you merit, but let your future behavior tes- tify you'" araiitude. Young W. Papillion! madam! sir! Wild. What, is the puppy petrified 1 Why don't you go up to the ladv 1 Young W. Up to the lady ! that lady ^ Wild. That lady ! To be sure. What other lady 1 To Miss God- frey. / 32 THE LIAU. Young W. That lady Miss Godfrey 1 Wild. WIi.iL is all Li.is'? Hark ye, sir, I see wliat 5'on arc at, but no IrifliJi; I'll 1)8 no uioie t e du|)e <.f your double, detestable — Rocol- lecL niy last resoliiUon ; this iuhLani your li md to the contract, or tremble at ilie consf^qiiencp. VouNG W. Sir. iliaL 1 hope, is — niif?lit nol I — lo be sure Wild. No funlier evasit)ns! There, sir. VoUNG W. Heiylio ! {sigtis it.) ■\ViLn. Veiy \v. Liar! Miss Go. Iniposter ! Young W. Why, this is a general combination to distract me ; but T will be heard. Sir, you are grossly imposed upon ; the low contriver of this woman's shallow artifice I shall soon find means to discover ; and as to you, madam, with wiiom I have been suddenly surprised into a con- t:act, 1 most solemnly declare this is the first time I ever set eyes on yon. Wild. Amaz'ng confidence ! Did not I bring her at your own request 1 Young W. No. Miss G >. Is not this your own letter 7 {sJiows letter.) Y UNG W. No. Miss Gr. Am not I your wife 1 Young W. No. Wild. Did not you own it to me ? Y*.uN(j W. Yes — that is — no, no. Miss Gk. Hear me. Young W. No. iMiss Go. Answer me. YouxG W. No. Wild. Have not I Young W. No, no, no. Zounds! you are all mad! and if I stay, I shall caich Uie iiifeclion. {going, l.) Enter Sir James Elliot, l., xvho stops Young Wilding. Sir J. S o[\ sir; the ])lay i.s not over. Madam, you may unmask. ^Mis- Grantham removes Jur veil) UMNics, Ha, ha, ha ! 34 JHE LIAH. Wild. Finely peifomietl. Miss Gr. Yes, I tliink I did it preity well. Young W. Miss Godfrey ! Miss Gr. No, sir; Miss Grantliam, at your service. Young W. What, sir; is iliis the lady you intended. Why she is Sir J. My future wife. Young W. Is it possible ! Have I then lost Miss Gr. Nothing ! only a woman whose paint comes from Paris, and whose slays serve to hide her crooked shape. Why you would as soon take a wife from the Grand Signioi's Seraglio, you know. Young W. Madam, if sincere lepentance Miss Gr. Too late, sir; I reject you as a lover. Miss Go. yiearing up puper). I refuse you as a husbaud. Sir J. I discard you as a friend. Wild. I abandon you as a son. Pap. And I discharge you as a master. Young W. So my lying has brought me to a pretty pass. What's to be done ? Pap. Suppose you were to try the truth for once. Young W. Papillion, you are risht. I will turn over a new leaf, and I call all present to witness that henceforth I shall stick to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. All. If you can. Y'ouNG AV. True — if I can. Only it's so confoundedly dull and matter of fact. I can't do it, my imagination is too lively. No, let me but have the assurance that my poetic prose has afforded you amusement, and egad, I'll lie through thick and thin every evening till further notice. Wild. Miss Godfkey. Young W. Miss. Grantham. Sir J. Papillion- B. L. CUBTAm, DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. JK5* I'leCse notice that nearly all the Comedies, Farces and Comediettas m the following List of •' De Witt's Acting Flays " are very suitable for represeutatiou in smail Amateur Theatres and on Parlor Stages, as they need but Lttle extrinsic aid from comijlex scenery or expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity by their di-oll situa- tions, excellent plots, great humor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that they are the most perfect in every respect of any edition of plays ever published either iu the United States or Europe, whether aa regards purity of text, accuracy and fullness of stage directions and scenery, or elegance of typography and clearness of printing. *^l* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, ■whicU indicate the number of the piece in " De Witt's List of Acting Plats." jCJ- Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price — Fifteen Cents each. JC3- The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. The figures in the columns indicate the number of characters— H. male; F. female. ^ 75. Adrienne. drama, 3 acta 7 231. All that Glitters is not Gold, comic drama, 2 acts 6 308, All on Account of a Bracelet, come- dietta. 1 act 2 114. Anything for a Change, comedy,! act 3 167. Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. .. 7 93. Area Belle, farce, 1 act 3 10. Atchi, comedietta, 1 act 3 89. Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce, 1 act. 3 258. Aunt Dinah's Pledge, temperance drama, 2 acts G 287. Bachelor's Box (La Petite Hotel), comedietta, 1 act 4 166. Bardell vs. Pickwick, sketch. 1 act. G 310. Barrack Room (The), comedietta,2a. G 41. Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 141. Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 223. Betsey Baiier, farce, 1 act 2 67. Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act.. 7 36. Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 279. Black-Eyed Susan, drama, 2 acts. ..14 296. Black and White, drama, 3 acts 6 160. Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 179. Breach of Promise, drama, 2 acts.. 5 25. Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta.. 4 70. Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 261. Bottle (The), drama, 2 acts 11 226. Box and Cox, Romance, lact.... .. 2 24. Cabman No. 93, farce, 1 act 2 199. Captain of the Watch, comedietta, 1 act 6 i. Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 J.75. Cast upon the World, drama, 5 acts. 11 , 55. Catharine Howard, historical plav, 3 acts !,12 69. Caught by the Cuflf, farce, lact.... 4 80. Charming Pair, farce, 1 act 4 65. Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts G 68. Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3a. 9 2]9. Chimney^ Corner (Tne), domestic drama, 3 acts 5 76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act.. 3 205. Circumstances alter Cases, comic operetta, 1 act 1 149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 121. Co m ical Couiitess, Wee, 1 act..- !.• 3 3 222. 243. 3 107. 152. 2 52. 3 148. 3 2 r.3. 2 20. 3 2sG. 4. 3 22. 275. 1 9G. 2 IG. 2 58. 2 125. 3 71. 2 142. 3 21)4. 5 21. 2 2G0. 3 210. G 2G3. 2 1G6. 8 242. 1 47. G 283. 1 2 202. 315. 2 297. 3 5 200. 1^5. 5 230. 1 103. 3 9. 5 3 128. 101. 2 9^. 2 262, 1 145. "^1 102. l| 88. 6 5 6 1 Cool as a Cucimiber, farce, 1 act.. ..32 Cricket on the Hearth, drama, 3 acts 8 r Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 \ Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act.. 1 1 Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act 3 1 Cut Off With a Shilling, comedietta, 1 act 2 1 Cyril's Success, comedy, 6 acts 10 i Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 4 Daisy Farm, drama, 4 acts 10 4 Dandelion's Dodges, farce, 1 act... 4 2 David Garrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 3 Day After the Wedding, farce, 1 act 4 2 Dearest .Alamma, comedietta, 1 act.. 4 3 Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts. . . Deborah (Leah), drama, 3 acts 7 Deerfoot, farce, 1 act 5 Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts. ' 5 Dollars and Cents, comedy, 3 acts!, 9 Drawing Room Car(A),comedy,lact 2 Dreams, drama, 5 acts 6 Drunkard's Warning, di-ama, 3 acts 6 Drunk'-.rd's Doom (The), drama, 2a. 15 Drunkard (The), drama, 5 acts 13 Duchess de la Valliere.plav, 5 acts.. 6 Dumb Belle (The), farce, 1 act 4 Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 6 E. C. B. Susan Jane, musical bur- i lesque, 1 act 8 1 Eileen Oge, Irish drama. 4 acts 11 3 Electric Love, farce, 1 act 1 1 English Gentleman (An), comedy- drama, 4 acts 7 4 Estranged, operetta. 1 act 2 1 Everybody's Friend, comedy, 3 acts 6 5 Family Jars, musical farce, 2 acts.. 5 2 Faust and Marguerite, drama, 3 acts 9 7 Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dials, interlude, 1 act 4 1 Female Detective, drama, 3 acts 11 4 Fornande. drama. 3 acts 11 10 Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 act.'* 10 2 Fifteen Years of a Drunkard's Life, melodrama, 3 acts 13 4 First Love, comedy, 1 act 4 1 Foiled, di-ama. 4 acts 9 3 Founded on Facts, farce, 1 act 4 2 DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS-Oontinued. m. 74. 63. 73. ,30. 131. 276. 306. 277. 206. Ul. 28. 151. 8. 180. 303. 19. 60. 191. 246, 301. 224. 187. 174. i-l. CA. 190. 197. 225. 252. 18. 116. 129. 159. 278. 282. 273. 243. 271. 244. 270. 274. \22. ^77. 100. 299. 139. ' 17. 233. '309. 86. 137. 72. 144. 34. 189. 253. 111. $19. 239. 48. 32. 164. 255. 165. Fruits of the Wine Clip, drama, 3 cts 6 3 Game of Cards (A), comedietta, la.. 3 1 Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 4 Gertrude's Mouey Box, farce, 1 act. 4 2 Goldeu Fetters (Fetterwd), drama, 3.11 4 Goose with tlie Goldeu Eggs, farce, lact 5 8 Go to Putuey , farce, 1 act 4 3 Good for Nothing, comic drama, la. 5 I Great Success (A), comedy, 3 acts. . 8 5 Qrimshaw, Bagshaw and Bradshaw, farce,lact f 2 Heir Apparent (The), farce, 1 act... 5 1 Handy Andy, drama, 2 acts 10 3 Happv Pair, comedietta, 1 act < 7i 1 Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 Heury Dunbar, drama, 4 acta 10 3 Henry the Fifth, hist, play, 5 acfF. 38 6 Her Only Fault, comedietta, 1 ^''t.. 2 2 He's a Lunatic, farce. 1 act 3 2 Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 5 5 High C, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 High Life Below Stairs, far je. 2 acts. 9 5 Hinko, romantic drama, 6 acts 12 7 His Last Legs, farce, 2 acts 5 3 His Own Enemy, farce, 1 act 5 1 Home, comedy. 3 acts 4 3 Honesty is the Best Policy, play. 1. 2 Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act 1 1 Hunting the Slippers, farce, 1 act. . 4 1 HunchbacK (The), play, 5 acts 13 2 Ici on Parle Francais, farce, 1 act... 3 4 Idiot "Witness, melodrama, 3 acts. . . 6 1 If I had a Thc-.i!-:and a Year., farce, 1 4: 3 I'm not Mesilf at all, Irish stew, la. 3 2 In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act 2 3 In the Wrong House, farce, 1 acr. . . 4 2 Irish Attorney (The), farce, 2 acts ..82 Irish Broom Maker, farce, 1 act. ... 9 3 Irishman in Loudon, farce, 1 acts. . 3 Irish Lion THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA UBRARY * 'r ^ ^