stum Stories I 
 
 of Lot! dot!
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES 
 
 GIFT 
 
 From the Library of 
 Henry Goldman, Ph.D. 
 1886-1972
 

 
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 \ 
 
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 One, tzu:\ /h>-f(\ and ' tui7'c .' ' and a:vay sJtc Jlies 
 tkrougk the air.'" — Page 12.
 
 •Kefgbbors of ©urs 
 
 Slum Stories of London 
 
 BY 
 
 HENRY W. NEVINSON 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY 
 1895
 
 Copyright, 1895, 
 
 BY 
 
 HENRY HOLT & CO. 
 
 THE MERSHON COMPANY PRESS, 
 
 KAHWAV, N. J.
 
 
 6os^7 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAP. PAGE 
 
 I. Old Parky, i 
 
 II. An Aristocrat of Labor, . . 19 
 
 III. The "St. George" of Rochester, . 37 
 
 IV. Mrs. Simon's Baby, .... 69 
 V. Sissero's Return, 91 
 
 VI. Little Scotty, 120 
 
 VII. A Man of Genius, 144 
 
 VIII. In the Spring, 173 
 
 IX. Father Chris'mas, . . . .194 
 
 X. Only an Accident, .... 213
 
 SLUM STORIES. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 ©ID iparftij. 
 
 E used to call 'im Victoria Park, or 
 just Parky for short, 'cos 'e was real 
 fond of the country, was Tom Brier. 
 'E was bigger nor what I was, as was 
 likely, bein' older; but some'ow 'e'd took a 
 wonderful fancy for me, through me givin' nuts 
 to 'is next youngest sister, as was a natural, and 
 was called by some the Innercent and by others 
 the Imbercyle, just accordin' to their ways of 
 lookin' at 'er, whether agreeable or not. And 
 when you'd give 'er a nut, she'd cop 'old on it 
 with both 'ands, and squat on the floor, crackin' 
 it with 'er teeth, and lookin' up at yer sideways 
 that knowin', for fear as yer'd take it away 
 again, she bein' for all the world like a barrel- 
 organ monkey. And if she was pleased with 
 yer for not frightenin* 'er, she'd sit and make a 
 comfortable kind o' noise in 'er throat, as she'd 
 learned from Parky 's pigeons when they're in 
 love. But the best way of 'avin' a game with 
 'er was to 'old 'er a sweet, and just as she was
 
 2 OLD PARKY. 
 
 reachin' out for to take it, to eat it yerself, and 
 then 'ear 'er squeal, and go on same as a crazy 
 cat put ready in a bag for drovvndin', But the 
 fellers durstn't treat theirselves to that game 
 very often, 'cos of the bloodshed if old Parky 
 found 'em tryin' it on. She couldn't talk much, 
 couldn't the Innercent, only for sayin' " Thank- 
 yer " and 'alf a dozen common swearin' words, 
 but she'd set hours together on the doorstep 
 lookin' sideways up and down the street, same 
 as if she'd been expectin' somethink to 'appen as 
 never did 'appen, 'cos there wasn't nothink as 
 could. 
 
 Well now, as I was sayin', through one thing 
 or another, old Parky seemed to 'ave a kind of 
 a takin' for me, and, me bein' still quite a bit of 
 a chap, 'e once asked me to go along all night 
 with 'im to Putney 'Eath so as to get the black- 
 berries early Sunday mornin' afore the other 
 fellers could put in for 'em. And a fine 'and- 
 kerchief full we brought 'ome, for all their bein' 
 mostly green for fear of us only leavin* 'em for 
 other fellers to pick black. And we gave near 
 all on 'em to the Innercent, and they never did 
 'er no sort of 'arm, through 'er bein' a natural. 
 And it was Parky as taught me fishin' in the 
 gravel-pit pond out on Wanstead Flats, tyin' 
 red worms and bits o' bread to the cotton for 
 the little fish to swaller 'ole, and then be 
 dragged out with, 'ooks not bein' called for in 
 the pond, 'cos it's none but the gudgeons in the 
 big lake in the park as likes 'ooks. So I took 
 'old on the bottle, and as fast as Parky pulled 
 out a new un, I kep' on pinchin' at the old uns,
 
 OLD PARKY. 3 
 
 for to see 'ow they was gettin' along : and when 
 a fish pinches sorft, yer may know it aint feelin' 
 well. And when we got 'ome, we put them in 
 a glass case as 'e'd made with stones and grass 
 stuck in it and two frogs to keep the water 
 fresh, a thing as they do by breathin' bubbles 
 through it. And them as 'adn't died on the 
 way kep' on livin' ever such a time, bein' fed 
 with oatmeal same as a convick. And once 
 Parky bought a gold-fish, and put in; but it 
 turned out too expensive through dyin' so soon. 
 
 And when we'd caught enough fish for the 
 sport, 'e'd used to learn me swimmin' in that 
 same pond, and for purpose of that 'e made a 
 kind of a life-belt with some slips o' board 
 strung together and tied roun' my stomick. 
 But it wasn't never good for much, the water 
 bein' no 'igher nor my middle, so the life-belt 
 took and grated along the bottom so soon as I 
 struck out, and never 'ad a chance of keepin' 
 me from drowndin' as it was meant for. But 
 Parky said the water bein' low wasn't by no 
 means a bad thing, 'cos, bein' dry, the dead dogs 
 was mostly left on the banks, and kep' the 
 water clean. 
 
 And another thing as Parky did was to start 
 a 'en-run in 'is back yard, and there 'e kep' 
 thirty chickins as'e nursed through the wastin's 
 and the gapes and such things as chickins gets, 
 'e comin' down in the middle of the night to 
 give 'em sarsapariller for to clean their blood, 
 and bits o' chopped worm, as chickins like 
 when queer, same as people in 'orspital a bit o' 
 chopped chickin. And alongside o' the 'en-run
 
 4 OLD PARKV. 
 
 'e built a great dormer for pigeons, and that's 
 the cause why the Innercent came to make 
 them queer noises when uncommon jolly, 
 through 'er copyin' the pigeons makin' love. 
 
 But far away the best thing as 'e ever done 
 was the gardens in Thomas's Row, as turned 
 round the corner from where 'e lived, and 'ad a 
 square of garden almost as big as a room in 
 front of each 'ouse. It came about through a 
 neighbor seein' them chickins and askin' 'im 
 to lend a 'and with clearin' out the rubbish 
 from 'is own front. And in a month's time its 
 own mother wouldn't 'ave known that garden, 
 no more nor Patsy Inchin when 'e came back 
 after six months in 'is uniform as a Reg'lar, and 
 nobody wouldn't believe as it was 'im we'd 
 used to call Zulu and Sunlight for 'is bein' 
 always so dirty. So it got round as Parky was 
 the man for gardens, and 'e takes 'em all on, 
 the neighbors not begrudgin' 'im a penn'orth o' 
 seeds 'ere and there, let alone the oyster-shells 
 as 'e pick up and stuck round the borders, 
 instead of rememberin' the grotter. And 
 twelve month after, if yer'd passed and saw 
 them scarlet-runners twinin' theirselves over 
 sticks, and the jeannies 'angin' from the win- 
 ders, and the balsoms and marigolds, with 
 paths and walls o' shells between, and little 
 palin's with five-barred gates painted green 
 with white tops, paintin' bein' Parky's work, 
 you'd 'ave said it was a respite from the cares 
 and troubles o' life, same as my mother said as 
 we was drivin' through the trees in Pimlico, 
 we bein' out for father's Bean-o.
 
 OLD PARKY. 5 
 
 Well, one day, me bein' out o' work through 
 'avin' turned up the shop through nine shillin' a 
 week not bein' good enough money, countin' in 
 the work and all, I was just spittin' on the 
 pavement to make a block-'ole for a game o' 
 cricket with my little brother, 'e 'avin' nicked a 
 ball from somewhere, and made a bat out of a 
 bit of palin', when up comes Parky, and 'e says 
 to me : 
 
 " What, Jacko ! What price a bit of 
 'oppin' ? " 
 
 " Ger on !" says I, " d'yer think I'm goin' to 
 demean myself ? " that bein' what old Spotter 
 always says when 'e gets an offer of reg'lar 
 work. 
 
 Then Parky comes and takes a 'and in the 
 cricket, bein' a fair wonder afore the wickets, 
 as was made of my coat and westkit with a cap 
 on the top for bails, and by the end o' the 
 game 'e'd fair talked me over, what with 'is 
 'ittin' the balls so 'ard, and bein' just appointed 
 bin-man by the farmer, and 'avin' to get to- 
 •ether pickers for five bins, and askin' all 'is 
 mates together with Mrs. Sullivan and Lina, 
 let alone the coin I might bring 'ome. 
 
 So one night we all started off together, ridin' 
 in the train from London Bridge, some on us 
 singin', and the girls shriekin' out same as usual, 
 and everybody cursin', barrin' only not the kids 
 as was set to go to sleep under the seats thick 
 as jam, and the Innercent as slep' on Parky's 
 knee. So we got to Marden Station just afore 
 mornin', and was chucked out same as into a cold 
 bath, the women fair tearin' at each other over
 
 6 OLD PARKV. 
 
 their baskets and bits of things through feelin' 
 unwonted and afraid for what they might lose. 
 But Parky gets 'is gang together like a dog 
 drivin' beasts up Aldgate, and off we set along 
 a road and through fields thick covered over 
 with mist. And through climbin' up a bit of a 
 'ill, we could see the tops o' the trees stickin' out, 
 and the mist layin' flat all round like water. 
 And at whiles a great cow as 'ad stopped out in 
 the field all the bloomin' night to eat, 'ud come 
 mouchin' out to 'ave a look at us, and 'ide itself 
 in the mist again. And to show as we weren't 
 frightened for nothink we started singin' the 
 chorus of " Sailin', sailin', over the boundin' 
 main." But Parky, 'e was all right, bein' in the 
 country, and 'e said it some'ow come into 'is 
 mind as this must be like Wales. 
 
 " Ger along wi' yer Wales ! " says Mrs. Sulli- 
 van. " It puts me in mind o' that land." 
 
 And when Mrs. Sullivan starts talking o' that 
 land, it's time to 'old 'er, she meanin' to say 
 Ireland, as she was took away from at eleven 
 months, so as she didn't never see much of 'er 
 native 'ome. 
 
 But the Innercent said nothink, only kep' 
 'old on Parky 's 'and, runnin' just be'ind of 'im 
 like a dog to a string. 
 
 So we come to Manor Farm, and got showed 
 where we was to live. Two families was put in 
 a bell tent, and one in a gypsy tent, and the rest 
 on us in a reg'lar 'op'-'ouse room cut across the 
 middle with two 'urdles. So Parky puts old 
 Seabrook and 'is missus with their two or three 
 kids and Mrs. Sullivan and Lina on the one
 
 OLD PARKY. 7 
 
 side, and on the other 'e puts me and three 
 other fellers and 'isself and the Innercent, as we 
 was agreed shouldn't connt, through bein' only 
 a natural. And old Seabrook, as 'ad served 'is 
 time in Injer and killed Zulus with 'is naked 
 'and, 'e calls 'is side the married quarters ; and 
 Mrs, Sullivan said eveiythink was as proper as 
 you could wish, for all 'er not aimin' at settin' 
 'erself up for a judge. 
 
 So, 'avin' settled us in, and divided the straw 
 for us to lay on. Parky was all over the place, 
 lightin' the fire of sticks, and makin' the corffee, 
 and fr^'in' the bits of 'addock, and dealin' out 
 the bread, and showin' us 'ow to make ourselves 
 comfortable, same as a fust-class carriage. 
 And old Seabrook was set to dig what he called 
 a " broad-arrer kitchen," same as the Zulus used 
 to cook the dead and wounded after the battle's 
 over. 
 
 The rest o' that day we mostly slep', and 
 went about the country nickin' apples and 
 lookin' for musheroons, and 'aving rare games 
 with the cows and the other people as lived in 
 them parts. But next day we went down into 
 the 'op-fields, and Parky gets his five bins, and 
 'is 'ook to cut the ropes at the top o' the poles, 
 and 'is iron dog as don't want no meat, to pull 
 up the poles from the bottom, and 'is knife to 
 chop off the stems of the 'ops against the ground. 
 So we start pickin' for dear life, the women more 
 especial bein' ready for bloodshed if they see 
 another woman gettin' along quicker nor what 
 they was. Three times in the day round came 
 the measurer to measure out the bins into
 
 8 OLD PARKY, 
 
 what's called pokes, as was then took off to the 
 oasts to dry, and 'is little boy standin' by with a 
 book and writin' down the number o' bushels 
 in each bin, so as to reckon up the pay at the 
 week's end, together with the subs as they'll 
 give yer out every other night accordin' as 
 wanted, knockin' 'em off from what you've 
 earned. But it was grand to 'ear Mrs. Sulli- 
 van's talk when the measurer was comin' to 'er 
 bin, and the things she offered to do for 'im if 
 only 'e'd fill her measures short, and make 
 more bushels of 'em. We couldn't 'elp but 
 laugh each time to 'ear 'er, for all Mrs. Sea- 
 brook sayin' it wasn't decent of a woman to say 
 such things. And when 'e'd measured 'ers up 
 the same as the others and gone away, " Mary," 
 she'd say, " there's an onmerciful one ! " And 
 then she'd call him a barstud all up the field, 'e 
 takin' no more notice nor if she'd been a fly. 
 And next she'd lay down under the bin. and 
 take her solemn oath she'd never do no more 
 work but go straight back to Ireland, and die 
 'appy. And next minute she'd be pickin' again, 
 and keepin' us all laughin' at what she said o' 
 the man and 'is mother and gran'mothers right 
 away back to kingdom come, makin' out each a 
 bit worse nor what the other was. 
 
 But Lina, as was sittin' next to her, only 
 laughed and went on pickin' without ever stop- 
 pin', exceptin' only now and then for takin' a 
 look at Parky, as always 'elped in their bin 
 when he wasn't wanted for binman. And 
 sometimes she'd put 'er 'and down close agen 'is, 
 quite independent, and I'd see old Parky turn
 
 OLD PARKY. 9 
 
 like fire and go off and pull up more poles, as if 
 the devil 'ad copped hold on the further end of 
 'em. But 'e always came back again, and when 
 the lollyman made 'is rounds Parky 'ud buy a 
 'a'porth o' lollies to give to the Innercent, so as 
 keep 'er pickin' steady, and 'e always made the 
 offer of some of 'em to Lina too. 
 
 And that's 'o\v we went along all day and 
 every day till six o'clock, when they blowed us 
 off with a 'orn ; we pickin' for life and death all 
 the time, barrin' only when it came on to rain, 
 or a picker give us a 'oliday by gettin' 'imself 
 buried in the churchyard. And if we copped 
 anybody pickin' at one of them times there was 
 fine old murder ; same with Sundays, as was set 
 by for the women to wash our bits of things in, 
 the men mostly keepin' on asleep. 
 
 So it was all right for two or three weeks, 
 and all on us was gettin' to 'ave quite a fancy 
 for Parky, more especial the ladies, through 'is 
 bein' so perhte and 'andy besides; till one 
 even in' just as it was com in' on dark, and we'd 
 lighted up a rare old fire in front of our 'uts 
 with the paper tracks as the parson and 'is wife 
 kep' on bringin' round nigh on every day, and 
 very useful they came in. So we all 'ad our 
 teas, and was settin' round the fire sayin' no- 
 think, 'cos there aint much to say in the coun- 
 try. And old Seabrook asks if nobody wouldn't 
 give us a song or dance to pass the time, and 
 Lina got up straight, and started a kind of a 
 dancin' round the fire. Two of the fellers 
 struck up some sort of a music, one doin' the 
 tune and the other the vampin' or fillin' in.
 
 lO OLD PARKY. 
 
 And there Lina was, with nothink much on er' 
 to speak of but her mother's old black skirt, 
 tied roun' the middle with a string to make a 
 body, and sleeves put on near the top with 
 pieces of crimson plush. And whiles she was 
 dancin' bits of 'er skin kep' 'lookin' through, 
 most unusual, she bein' all red beside by reason 
 of the fire-light. But over our 'eads the sky 
 was turnin' itself into night with a few stars 
 comin' out, and 'er 'air kep' wavin' about like a 
 red flag fiyin' against it. I've seed the Sheenies 
 step-dancin' in the Lane, and I've seed the Sis- 
 ters Toddles skirtin' at the Cambridge, but I 
 never see dancin' as was a patch on Lina's that 
 night. • It wasn't to be called a jig nor yet a 
 step nor nothink o' that, but she seemed to be 
 kind of actin' at somethink, and it looked to 
 me like the actin' of makin' love and gettin' love 
 made to you, only for its not bein' much like 
 the love-makin' yer mostly sees in cimeterry 
 gardens and such. All on us kep' settin' round 
 with our mouths open, but not sayin' a word ; 
 only for the Innercent, as 'ad gone away at the 
 first, she never bein' able to abide the sight of 
 Lina. She didn't know for why. And through 
 watchin' of the dancin' old Mother Sullivan kep' 
 on gettin' more and more excited. And last of 
 all she ups and starts throwin' 'er arms and legs 
 about, same as if she was dancin' too. But 
 seein' as she stood in the way of us lookin' on, 
 old Seabrook lays 'old on 'er, and pulls 'er down 
 quiet, and 'e says : 
 
 " That's where it is with you females. Yer 
 never know when yer've started fadin', and it's
 
 OLD PARKY. II 
 
 time to stop yer little ways. Ye're well enough 
 whiles yer lasts. But that's where it is : yer 
 fade, for all it not bein' through no fault o' yer 
 own." 
 
 " Gorblime !" says Lina, stoppin' 'er dancin', 
 and turnin' on 'im sharp, " 'oo are you aimin' 
 at kiddin' with yer talk about fadin* ? Females 
 indeed ! 'Aven't yer never 'eard tell of a male 
 fadin' } Go and look at yerself, you misbegot- 
 ten barstud of a Zulu squaw. And if that don't 
 please yer, go and " 
 
 Then on a sudden 'e ups to give 'er one for 
 'erself, but she dodges under, and sets down 
 close agen Parky, as cool as an unemployed. 
 And we all set laughin' fit to bust ourselves. 
 But afore we'd got the laugh fair out of our 
 mouths, one of the chaps comes runnin' up 
 shoutin' : 
 
 " Parky, Parky ! They's a-drowndin' of yer 
 Innercent ! Drowndin' of 'er, down by the 
 pond there! " 
 
 You lay, Parky up and run, and me and the 
 rest after, all barrin' the old uns. And Lina, 
 she come runnin' with us, for all 'er never 'aving 
 any likin' for the Innercent, no more nor for 
 earth-worms, as made 'er sick. None on us 
 'adn't been out into the dark before, for fear we 
 should get frightened, but now we ran down to 
 where the next fires kep' throwin' up a great 
 patch of light agen the sky. It was close next 
 the water-wheel, and layin' in front o' the wheel 
 was a great big pond, black as 'ell, only for the 
 fire-light shinin' red round its edges. So when 
 we come up, we found a crowd of young fellers
 
 12 OLD PARKY. 
 
 all shoutin' and laughin'. And in the middle 
 of 'em they 'ad 'old on the Innercent, some of 
 'em by 'er body and some by 'er 'ead and legs 
 and arms. And they kep' swingin' of 'er up 
 and down, just preparin' for to cast 'er off. 
 And by the fire I could see 'er face between 'em 
 at whiles. She'd given over bitin' and spittin' 
 by then, and was just layin' still lookin' up at 
 'em, same as a 'orse when 'e's fell down in the 
 street, and 'as got to be knacked, and they takes 
 'is 'arness off, and brings a bandage for 'is eyes, 
 and you may know what's up from the uncom- 
 mon size of the crowd standin' round to enjoy 
 the sight. 
 
 So me and Parky and the rest off with our 
 belts, and go for the fellers with the buckle 
 end, doin' good practice. But it was too late 
 by then, for them as 'ad 'old on 'er calls out, 
 " One, two, three, and 'eave ! " and away she 
 flies through the air with her 'ands and legs 
 stretched out, and plumps down souse into the 
 water, as was black as 'ell, only cold beside. 
 And all the fellers cheered and cursed and 
 laughed, sayin' as they'd teach 'er to be an 
 Imbercyle. But me and Parky give over 
 markin' *em with our belts, and get into the 
 water, 'e jumpin' in and swimmin', and me 
 feelin' along more cautiously by reason of the 
 mud. And we could catch sight on 'er by bits 
 bein' washed down to the end of the pond, and 
 then back into shore by the run of the stream. 
 And at last Parky cops 'old on 'er back 'air, as 
 is what drownded people likes best to be saved 
 by, and me walkin' nigh up to my neck, we
 
 OLD PARKY. 13 
 
 drags 'er in between us. And us crawlin' out 
 all wet and slimy with mud, some of the fellers 
 starts laughin', but they mostly stand sayin' 
 nothink, more especial as some of the women 
 'ad come up and kep' on callin' out, " Poor dear 
 thing ! " and " Bless 'er 'eart ! " 
 
 Then Parky takes 'er under one arm, and I 
 under the other, and we pull 'er up the field 
 till she begins comin' to with a kind of gurglin'. 
 So we stop, and the fellers followin' be'ind 
 seein' as she wasn't really no corpse, they all 
 start booin' again, and crowdin' in upon us 
 most shameful, till old Seabrook comes bringin' 
 up what 'e calls 'is support to the retirin' line, 
 and cops one on 'em a good un on the mug, so 
 as you could hear the crack of it at both fires. 
 That rather knocked the stuffin' out of 'em, so 
 we got let alone after that, and took the Inner- 
 cent's clothes off, and put on 'er a cleanish 
 sack, makin' a 'ole in the bottom for 'er 'ead to 
 come through, and we set 'er by the fire to 
 warm alongside of 'er clothes. And she soon 
 turned almost as rational minded as was usual. 
 only for 'er clingin' on to Parky and chatterin' 
 same as a monkey when you go to offer 'im a 
 nut, and it turns out full of mustard. 
 
 In the middle o' that there night I was woke 
 by a kind of a movin' in the straw, and I 'ear 
 Parky 's voice sayin' : 
 
 " Lina — Lina — I wants to say good-by to yer. 
 I'm goin' away." 
 
 " Goin' away ? " says she, speakin' very 
 sleepy. " What's that for } You go to sleep ! " 
 
 "No," 'e says; "I'm goin' away. I can't
 
 14 OLD PARKY. 
 
 be stoppin' 'ere with the Innercent no longer I 
 and it's near as bad in London, 'er growin' up 
 and all. And work's slack, and us fair crowded 
 at 'ome, and another comin'. No, I'm goin' 
 away and takin' 'er along with me to live in the 
 country, as is a kind o' place she seems more to 
 belong to by rights." 
 
 " Yer never goin' to leave us. Parky } " says 
 she. 
 
 " Yus, but I am," he says, very quiet ; " we're 
 goin' to take to the road, the Innercent and me, 
 and get along by doin' jobs o' paintin*. Yer see 
 paintin' 's a thing as all 'ouses wants, same as 
 a man wants trousers. And likely in time we'll 
 get to Wales or places such as Scotland, and 
 live by sportin' ; there bein' always plenty to eat 
 what with rabbits and stags, so they tell me. 
 And if that don't work, there's the sea, as is 
 big enough for two, I make no doubt. So I'm 
 afeard for nothink." 
 
 " But yer never goin' to leave us. Parky ? " 
 says she. 
 
 " Yus," he says, " that's just about it. And 
 I want yer to give the six fat fowls to mother 
 to sell, and take the chickens yerself, to sell or 
 eat, as most suitable. And the pigeons, bein' 
 no good to nobody, can go to Jacko there. And 
 the 'oppin' money as is left over from my subs 
 yer can put on to yer mother's. That's all. 
 So good-by, Lina." 
 
 " Oh, mercy ! " she says, 'alfway laughin' and 
 cryin' ; " don't yer get talkin' like makin' yer 
 will ! " 
 
 " Good-by to yer, Lina," 'e says again ; and I
 
 OLD PARKY. 15 
 
 'ear 'im movin' the 'urdle a bit, veiy quiet. 
 And when next 'e says anythink I knowed 'e'd 
 got 'is 'ead, and p'r'aps more of 'im, well through 
 into the married quarters. And after a bit 
 Lina says : 
 
 *• No, Parky, I'm not a-goin' to any more. I 
 dunno for why not, seein' as it seems right 
 enough for you to kiss me. O Parky ! yer thinks 
 I don't like yer.^ Blast yer, I do. I almost 
 loves yer, Parky. If I didn't like yer so, I'd do 
 it and think nothink of it after. But now it 
 makes it almost too bad for bearin'." 
 
 " O Lina ! " 'e says, " yer'll never see me 
 no more to kiss either way, likin' or not 
 likin'." 
 
 " Don't yer be sayin' that," she says, " or I'll 
 'ave to." 
 
 With that they stop talkin' and I went off to 
 sleep again, seein' as the smell of dead 'ops was 
 strong all over the fields, same as over the 
 Boro', and it makes yer sleep fine. 
 
 Next mornin' I wakes up and looks roun' and 
 see as Parky and the Innercent was both on 
 'em gone. So I up and take the pail and go 
 down to the pond for water, feelin' about as mis- 
 erable as my little brother when father was took 
 to the 'orspital for breakin' 'is leg, and 'e started 
 cryin' all night cos father never came 'ome to 
 bed. And when I got down to the pond, the 
 bank by the water was all tramped down where 
 they'd 'eaved in the Innercent the night before, 
 but the water was runnin' same as ever, bar for 
 the sun shinin' on it. So I filled the pail, and 
 w^ent back to the 'uts, and at the door Lina
 
 l6 OLD PARKY. 
 
 comes out laughin' and 'oldin' out 'er 'ands, and 
 she says : 
 
 "What, Jacko ! let's have a bit of a wash in 
 the pail ! " 
 
 "Ger on," says I ; "it's for the corffee." 
 
 " O Jacko ! " she says, " I some'ow feel as I 
 could do with a bit of a wash this mornin', just 
 to wash the night off." 
 
 So I puts down the pail, and she kneels and 
 ducks 'er face in, and lathers all over 'er neck 
 and shoulders with a bit o' soap as she kep' in 
 'er pocket, so as they fair shone in the sun. 
 Then she 'starts dryin' 'erself with a bit of 
 sackin', and I goes and gets another pail o' 
 water for the corffee. And on me comin' back, 
 she was combin' out 'er 'air over 'er eyes, and 
 lookin' up at me through it with a bit of a smile 
 as none other girls 'aven't got. 
 
 So we all 'as breakfast, and uncommon 
 beastly it was through Parky not bein' there to 
 make it. And nothink was talked but about 
 Parky and the Innercent doin' a Guy like that 
 and goin' away. And Mrs. Sullivan was in a 
 fair rise about it, sayin' as 'e'd took us all in and 
 she'd give 'im what for, if ever she came on 'is 
 track again. 
 
 " And as for trapeezin' about the country 
 with that there bloomin' Imbercyle," she says, 
 "it's only a mercy 'e's got 'er, seein' as she'll 
 be worser for 'im nor any corpse to go with, 
 same as the bloke down 'ere last year ; 'im as 'is 
 sister died in a cart with blood-spittin', but it 
 was the joltin' of the cart as finished 'er, and 'e 
 went on drivin' with 'er all about the fields
 
 OLD PARKY. 17 
 
 blubberin' and askin' of everybody what 'e was 
 to do with a corpse, 'e not bein' used to 'avin' 
 one, and there aint no good in 'avin' a corpse 
 neither, unless yer can give it decent burial ; and 
 there aint no good in 'avin' an imbercyle at no 
 price, let alone me losin' a pair of 'ands at my 
 bin through 'is breachin' 'is contrack." 
 
 " Yer may well say that, Mrs. Sullivan," says 
 old Mother Seabrook, " and no wonder yer 
 thinks evil on them as cares about imbercyles, 
 when there's girls as they might be carin' for, 
 and them not imbercyles by any manner but 
 somethink of the opposite, no matter for what 
 they look like." 
 
 And with that she looks at Lina and then 
 round at all on us, as much as to say, " Yei 
 can't kid me. What do yon think ? " But 
 Lina says nothink, only she keeps starin' at Mrs. 
 Seabrook so innercent, same as you'd stare at 
 a copper when 'e's almost nicked you snakin' 
 somethink. 
 
 But the rest of our time 'oppin' was crule 
 bad, what with the rain comin' on, and some o' 
 the kids dyin' through eatin' too many apples, 
 and Mrs. Seabrook turnin' nasty by reason of 
 'er man 'elpin' Mrs. Sullivan at 'er bin, and 
 Mrs, Sullivan tellin' 'im she wasn't faded so 
 much as she looked, not yet. So Lina and her 
 was turned out o' the married quarters, and 
 put to sleep in a gipsy tent by theirselves. And 
 Parky bein' gone, there wasn't nobody to keep 
 order nor smooth things down a bit. So we 
 w^as all real glad when the last field was done, 
 and the women 'ad took their rush for the last
 
 l8 OLD PARKY. 
 
 'op-pole, and the fellers as ducked the Inner- 
 cent 'ad made a Guy and labelled it the Imber- 
 cyle, and burned it, as is the proper thing to do 
 when the 'opping's over, and we all got safe 
 back to good old London — all on us but Parky, 
 as never come 'ome no more, and the Innercent, 
 as didn't count, bein' only a natural.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 Bn Brf6tocrat ot Xabor* 
 
 N me gettin' 'ome from the pickin' I 
 'anded over nineteen and thruppence 
 to my mother, that bein* my share 
 out from the bin, after payin' what 
 old Seabrook called my mess bill by subs for 
 what we'd 'ad to eat durin' the time. So for 
 the next fortnight I was 'appy enough, eight 
 shillin' a week bein' what my mother was 
 chargin' me at that time for my keep and all — 
 fellers mostly gettin' charged ten. But through 
 bein' still out o' work, acourse I got more 
 miserable every day, what with fallin' be'ind in 
 my payments again, and me not able to stand 
 the fellers as stood me to anythink. But one 
 mornin' I got up feelin' a bit better, and then I 
 called to mind as it was a Sundaj'-, and that was 
 why, 'cos on Sundays everybody kind o' looks 
 out o' work, so yer feel yerself same as other 
 people through not seein' 'em runnin' about 
 and drivin' carts and carryin' things, whiles you 
 go 'angin' round in no 'urry at all, and the time 
 goes by slow as a funeral " in this style twenty 
 pound." So it bein' a Sunday, we all stopped 
 in bed till late, thinkin' about gettin' up, and 
 then we 'as our breakfasts. And my father
 
 20 AN ARISTOCRAT OF LABOR. 
 
 'ad give my little brother a penny to buy 'isself 
 an egg, same as 'e mostly does Sundays, when 
 work's pretty fair. So my mother boils it, and 
 cuts it in 'alf between me and my little brother. 
 And then I thinks to myself I'd take a bit of a 
 walk in the Road, and see life. But just as I 
 was passin' by Millennium Buildin's I 'ear 
 somebody spit down at me, and lookin' up I 
 see old Father Bateman, as is mostly called 
 Spotter, 'oldin' 'is 'ead out of a winder and 
 laughin'. 
 
 " What, Jacko ! " 'e says, speakin' in a voice 
 like a 'busman's, as is what 'e always likes to 
 be mistook for, by reason of their knowledge of 
 'orseflesh. " I betted myself I wouldn't 'it yer, 
 and I didn't neither. What are yer after, run- 
 nin' about on a blessed Sunday same as any 
 'eathen ? Never you break the Sabbath-day, 
 my son. That's a thing as I never did ; nor no 
 other day o' the week neither, no more nor I 
 could 'elp for." 
 
 " Cheese it. Spotter I " says I. " What price 
 a Salvation bonnet and a tambourine ? " For 'e 
 loves to be treated same as one of us lads, does 
 old Spotter. 
 
 " You just come up 'ere a minute," 'e says, 
 " whiles I put on my dress close, and I don't 
 mind if I walk with yer as fer as Lime'ouse." 
 
 'Is room was just as small as ever I see one, 
 a reg'lar one-and-sixer, and dear at a shillin'. 
 Bar the bed and an old box where 'e kep' 'is 
 cup and saucer and sugar and off shirt and 
 towel and blackin'-brush and extry socks, there 
 wasn't nothink in it but a big black picture on
 
 AiV ARISTOCRAT OF LABOR. 21 
 
 the wall, showin' an old man in a green coat, 
 with a gun in one 'and and a dead bird in the 
 other, and 'e starin' at it as if 'e was fair as- 
 tonished at 'isself for 'avin' 'it that bird, and 'alf 
 thought it was shammin' dead to 'ave a game 
 with 'im. And runnin' all round was a big 
 frame with flourishes. Solid gold it 'ad been at 
 one time, but now, same as Sister Mary's 
 canary, it 'ad started comin' through the dye. 
 " Do me the honor to take the box-seat, me 
 boy," says old Spotter, slammin' down the lid o' 
 the chest for me to sit on. " And you're quite 
 right in admirin' that portrait. It's a family 
 portrait, sir. It's a work of Art. It's a hair- 
 loom, is that picture. That portrait, sir, is a 
 representation of my own gran'father, as 'e 
 lived in the county of Devon, we bein' all on us 
 what's called a county family, as is a sort o' 
 thing you bloomin' Londoners '11 never know 
 the value of. Eh, 'e was a rare sportsman was 
 my gran'father ! much the same as me. 'E shot 
 over 'is covers with the best of 'em, goin' shares 
 in 'em with a lord, as took the day-shootin', 
 gran'father takin' the night — same as them two 
 lodgers in the play did with their bedroom. So 
 it was what's called a Dual Control, as is seldom 
 an 'armonious basis, my son, either for sport or 
 domestic establishments, as I 'ad used to tell 
 my old missus. And at the end of it they came 
 to some triflin' little dispute about the game- 
 birds, and the law took up the lord's side, as 
 was but 'uman nature and law beside. So my 
 father and me come to London sooner nor put 
 up with such things. But afore we started
 
 22 AN A RI STOCK A T OF LABOR. 
 
 father got that there portrait painted for a 
 memorial by a young drawer in the village, 
 same as made the sign of the Golden Dragon 
 by mixin' up the chief parts of crocodiles, lions, 
 bats, and such — that bein' 'is genus, as yer'U 
 see if yer look close at that bird, as combines the 
 qualities of a pheasant and a partridge, so as 
 yer can't rightly tell which it is; showin' as my 
 gran'father was about equal good at 'ittin' both. 
 My father 'e paid five poun' down for that 
 family portrait, gold frame and cost of colorin' 
 thrown in. Yer may wonder I aint sold it afore 
 this, seein' as five poun' is a sportin' kind o' 
 sum, and pictures gainin' by age and turnin' 
 meller, as they tells me, same as men. Well, 
 I often wonder at myself too ; but the truth is, 
 I've got a decent respeck. That's what it is, 
 my boy, a decent respeck. And then I likes to 
 set and think what a fair old scramble there 'II 
 be for it when I'm gorne. There's my eldest 
 daughter as is pledged to 'elp me with the rent, 
 she'll be wantin' it. And there's my youngest, 
 as I'm goin' to see now, as is usual about Sun- 
 day dinner time — she'll be wantin' it too. And 
 if I was in 'eaven, I couldn't wish for better 
 sport nor watchin' 'em fight it out. But 
 for stayin' power I'd lay all my money on the 
 youngest." 
 
 With that we started out, and old Spotter 
 pulls 'isself together, and steps down the' 
 middle of the pavement same as if the road was 
 'is private front garden. And us goin' along, I 
 see all the drivers lift up their whip-'andles 
 square from the shoulder at 'im, and all the
 
 AN ARISTOCRA T OF LABOR. 23 
 
 sellers says : " What chur, Spotter ? What's 
 the odds this mornin'?" And the women 
 kep' callin' out : " 'Ullo, Bluebeard ! " and all 
 on 'em laughed. 
 
 " It seems yer've got a rare lot o' mates, 
 any'ow," says I. 
 
 " Yus," 'e says, " I own to a tidy bowin' 
 acquaintance. It comes of 'avin' been a kind 
 o' public character in my day ; and my day 
 aint over yet, don't think it. I'm still a 
 marked man in Stepney, let alone 'Oxton. Yer 
 see, my son, I've always 'ad a likin' for a bit o' 
 pleasure and a bit o' sport. No 'arm in that, I 
 should 'ope, sein' as we was all born 'uman 
 bein's, same as lambs and puppies, playin' 
 about, and enjyin' of ourselves as Nature shows 
 us 'ow. There is them as likes to work till 
 they drops, same as anybody doin' time ; but I 
 vvasn't never one o' them sort. I'm for a 
 pleasin' v^ariety : fust a little sport, then a little 
 work, and then a little sport again. That's 
 what I call life, and that's cause why I've been 
 a casual all my time. Yus, I'm a casual to my 
 bleedin' 'eart ; and I say a casual ought to be 
 a casual, and I say a casual ought to be a man, 
 and not a bloomin' 'og ! I'm a casual, that's 
 what I am ; and I own to lovin' 'orse-racin' 
 and scrappin' and the Bow runnin'-ground. 
 I'm what them newspapers calls one o' the 
 Aristocracy o' Labor, that's what I am ; same 
 as the other Aristocracy, only for doin' labor 
 now and again." 
 
 ■So we walked down the pavement proud as 
 publicans, me feeling' myself quite big through
 
 24 AN ARISTOCRAT OF LABOR. 
 
 seemin' some'ow to go 'alves with old Spotter's 
 glory, by reason of keepin' company with 'im. 
 And as we go along, 'e marks the points of 
 every livin' thing as passed, more especial 'orses 
 and females. 'E'd notice every 'bus-'orse as 
 went by and every cab-'orse and dray, and 'e'd 
 put 'is 'ead on one side, and screw up 'is eye, and 
 bite at a bit 'o straw in 'is mouth, just the same 
 as if that 'orse was goin' to start off for the 
 Derby next minute. Only of tram-'orses 'e took 
 no account, seein' as 'e said, yer might as well 
 put a locomotive between the traces ; and yer 
 may know that, 'cos they don't need to wear 
 blinkers, and soon get the look 'o sheep. 
 
 " Yer see, sonny," 'e says, " as to 'orses I 
 knows exact where each one's weak and strong 
 point lays, and what 'e thinks on it 'isself — or 
 'erself, if she 'appen to be born a mare. And I 
 knows what's going on inside of 'em, 'cos in a 
 sort of a manner I kind o' loves them all, as if 
 I was their father. Same with women." 
 
 And it was much the same with dogs too. 
 'E'd whistle to every kind o' dog, and squeak at 
 it like a puppy, to make it prick up its ears. 
 And 'e'd tell yer what kind its father must 'ave 
 been, and what kind its mother and its gran'- 
 fathers and gran 'mothers, same as on the 
 ground-plan of the Queen's gran 'fathers and 
 gran'mothers 'ung up on the wall at school. 
 And if 'e saw a bird 'angin' out in a little cage 
 in front of a winder, as is good for birds by 
 reason o' their likin' for fresh air, 'e'd tell yer 
 what kind it was — lark or linnet or finch, — and 
 what it was made for by nature ; whether for
 
 AN A RI STOCK A T OF LABOR. 2$ 
 
 singin'-matches or only for chirpin'-matches, 
 and whether it 'ud sing best bhnd or with its 
 eyes left in, and what odds 'e'd be prepared to 
 lay on its winnin'. And 'e watched the pigeons 
 f^yin' round, and picked out them as 'ud do a 
 mile a minute on their way 'ome, for all you 
 startin' 'em right away from Southend. And 'e 
 took and showed me the place on a cock's leg 
 where the spur 'ad used to grow in old days 
 when cock-fightin' was a gen'leman's sport, same 
 as pigeon shootin' now. And 'e said the sight of 
 it put 'im in mind of a blank cartridge, and we 
 might as well arm our soldiers with blank car- 
 tridges as leave our cocks defenseless against 
 their natural enemies. 
 
 But us comin' near on Lime'ouse, 'e some'ow 
 seemed to get kind o' silent, and at the turnin' 
 up Salmon's Lane 'e stop' talkin' altogether, and 
 in place of walkin' bold down the middle o' the 
 path, 'e kep' edgin' along by the wall. Next 'e 
 leads me down a nice quiet street, and stops 
 afore a clean door, with a plate on it as said : 
 " Arthur Milwood, Esq." 
 
 " The odds is pretty nigh three to one agen a 
 peaceable dinner to-day, let alone any," 'e says, 
 'alf to 'isself, " seein' as she didn't fly out at me 
 last week, nor yet the week before, not to speak 
 on." 
 
 Then 'e turns to me and says : 
 
 " Jacko, my boy, it's bad enough when yer 
 'as children, as my old missus 'ad used to say, 
 she 'avin' seven and buryin' no more nor five. 
 But when yer children 'as you, it's almost past 
 bearin."
 
 26 AN A RI STOCK A T OF LABOR. 
 
 With that 'e knocks very quiet at the door 
 with a lot of Httle knocks runnin', showin' as 'e 
 knowed they'd got the 'ole 'ouse. And a little 
 kid in a clean white pinafore comes and opens, 
 and before anybody couldn't speak, we 'ear a 
 voice screamin' out from the back-kitchin : 
 
 " Johnnie, if that's yer gran'father come for 
 'is dinner, see as 'e wipes 'is boots and don't 
 come bringin' 'is dirt into my front 'all." 
 
 " All right, my dear ; I'm old enough to see 
 after myself, thank yer kindly," says old Spotter, 
 wipin' 'is boots very careful on the mat and 
 'issin' a bit, same as if 'e'd been rubbin' down a 
 'orse in a stable. Then 'e takes a little green 
 apple from his trousey pocket, and gives it to 
 the kid. But where 'e'd nicked that apple from, 
 or 'ow 'e'd kep' from eatin' of it 'isself, is one 'o 
 the things there aint no gettin' to the bottom of. 
 
 Then we goes straight into the parlor, as 
 'ad a planner opposite the door, and a lookin'- 
 glass over the mantel, and marble vases under 
 glass shades with red and yeller fruit stuck in 
 'em, and a table with an album in the middle 
 and other books all round like spokes on a 
 wheel, and a lot of 'orse'air chairs, and a fine 
 flowery carpet, and two pictures covered over 
 with yeller gauze to keep the flies off, and other 
 things almost as good as in a shop. So old 
 Spotter sets down in the middle of one of them 
 chairs quite easy, only for keepin' 'is feet as 
 much off the carpet as might be. And the kid 
 keeps starin' at 'im, and gnawin' at 'is apple. 
 And we all kep' sayin' nothink, same as waiting 
 for the doctor at the 'orspital.
 
 AN A RI STOCK A T OF LABOR. 27 
 
 After a bit in comes the lady very 'ot from 
 the fire. And she cops 'old on the kid, and 
 says : 
 
 " 'Oo told yer to bring yer gran'father into 
 the drorin'-room, as yer knows very well we 
 always gets our dinners in the kitchin the days 
 as 'e come 'ere, for fear of what 'e may likely 
 'ave brought with 'im from them Buildin's. 
 Now just you take and set 'im in the middle o' 
 the white boards, as gives yer a chance o' catch- 
 in' whatever may be. Buildin's indeed ! Yer 
 never know what comes out o' Buildin's. It's 
 a wonder of yer aunt to go on payin' the rent 
 for 'im in such places as e' Hves in. But acourse 
 when yer lives on gratitude, and never turns a 
 penny for yerself from Vv'eek-end to week-end, 
 yer can't be purtikler." 
 
 Old Spotter gets up and goes to the door, 
 iryin' to whistle somethink. But all on a sud- 
 den the lady catches sight o' me for the first 
 time, and she screams out: "Oh, my Gord, 
 what's that? " same as if I'd been one o' them 
 livin' things she'd been speakin' about. 
 
 " 'E's only a young friend o' mine, Annie, 
 dear," says old Spotter, speakin' very gentle, 
 " as give me 'is company down the road, and I 
 made free to ask 'im in." 
 
 "Johnnie," says she, "just you open the 
 door for this person, and I only wonder af yer 
 gran'father not knowin' 'is place better nor to 
 bring all 'is pauper friends into the 'ome of 'is 
 own flesh and blood, as tries 'ard to keep their- 
 selves respectable." 
 
 " Madam," says old Spotter, comin' up next
 
 28 AN ARISTOCRAT OF LABOR. 
 
 to me, " this 'ere young man's under the per- 
 tection of my 'orspitahty. I'm acquaint with 
 the laws of 'orspitahty, 'avin' had 'em written on 
 my 'eart afore I was born. And if yer turns 
 'im from yer doors, yer turns away yer old 
 father too. 'Ave yer no respeck for yer own 
 father, as give yer a good mother, and brought 
 yer up to what yer are, and married yer more 
 nor comfortable through gettin' yer 'usband, as 
 now is, a rare bargain over that same cob as 'e 
 still drives all around with 'is samples o' cigars 
 and tobaccer, and 'e as civil-spoken and decent 
 an 'usband as ever came 'ome to tea, and me 
 yer own father as never grudged yer bit or sup 
 no matter where 'e cadged it, and you bein' 
 always a rare child to take all yer could get ? " 
 
 By this old Spotter was fair started, and kep' 
 gettin' 'igher and 'igher, and the lady redder 
 and redder. But she made as if she took no 
 notice, just tellin' Johnnie not to do whatever 'e 
 was doin', and rubbin' at the bits of furniture 
 and the door-'andles with 'er apron. And I 
 was tryin' to slip out at the door and get away, 
 more especial .as I never meant to come, but 
 the old man 'ad such a clutch on my arm I 
 couldn't move. 
 
 So there we stood, same as when a narrer 
 street's blocked, and neither side won't rein 
 back, but the carmen set cursin' at each other, 
 and waitin' for the copper to come. And at 
 last the 'usband comes mouchin' down the 
 stairs, 'e not lookin' like a copper, but 'avin' a 
 green and gold smokin'-cap on and worked 
 slippers, same as any West-end gen'leman ; 'e
 
 AN ARISTOCRA T OF LABOR. SQ 
 
 bein' a fattish, sorft-lookin' bloke with big 
 black whiskers, same as them as talk at public 
 meetin's and such. And 'e asks what's all the 
 row about, and why a respectable 'ouse'older as 
 was drivin' round all week can't 'ave 'his pipe 
 in peace of a Sunday mornin'? And if not, 
 what was the good of bein' a respectable 'ouse- 
 'older, and payin' the rates? 
 
 " It's all along o' that father-in-law of yers," 
 she says, "and 'is bringin' 'is gutter acquaint- 
 ance into my 'ouse without with yer leave nor 
 by yer leave, as is enough to corrupt that 
 blessed child o' mine, let alone what 'e may 
 bring with 'im by way of fevers and other 
 things." 
 
 " Oh, well," he says, " for Gord's sake let's 
 'ave a little peace on a Sunday. Why can't 
 yer give the old man 'is dinner, and get shut 
 on 'im. Like enough 'e's 'ungry, bein' so poor 
 and all." 
 
 "That's like you, Mr. Milwood," she says, 
 "takin'the bread out o' my child's mouth to 
 give to any misbeknown pauper as breaks in 
 upon yer peace. Peace, indeed ! What's the 
 good of us 'avin' a 'ouse of our own if we can't 
 speak a bit of our mind in peace .^ We might 
 just as well go back to Buildin's. But I s'pose 
 it aint my 'ouse nor yet my victuals, 'ard as I 
 works to keep 'em clean and cooked for yer, 
 and if yer likes to demean yerself by askin' the 
 off-scourin's of the streets to set at table with 
 my child, it's no affair o' mine." 
 
 " Please, ma'am," I says, seein' as things was 
 kind o' calmin' down, " I aint no off-scourin'
 
 30 AN ARISTOCRAT OF LABOR. 
 
 nor yet no pauper, and I never asked for no 
 dinner, me not bein' 'ungry through 'avin' 'ad 
 eggs to my breakfast." 
 
 I guessed that 'ud kmd of knock 'er, and 
 so it did. But she only looked me up and 
 down, first at my bust boot and then at my 
 bust trousey-knees, and then at my collar, as 
 was nothink but a bit of blue 'an'kerchief 
 through me bein' out o' work. Then she starts 
 off into the kitchen, saying nothink but " Eggs, 
 indeed ! " 
 
 " Maybe me and my mate 'ad best be off," 
 says old Spotter, kind of sighin' easy. " She 
 don't seem very sweet this mornin', and I'm 
 not one to force my company, no more than to 
 desert my pals, knowin' the laws of 'orspitality." 
 
 " Oh, no ! you stop, as yer 'ere," said the 
 gen'leman. "You just stop and make a good 
 dinner, and the boy can set and look on. 
 There's a bit of boiled pork as we've got." 
 
 I kep' my eye on old Spotter, and could see 
 'im half turn to the door and then turn back 
 again, bein' drawn by the smell of the meat 
 and the onions and greens, as was very per- 
 suadin' to an empty stomick. At last he 
 says : 
 
 " Well, it's full early yet, and the boy'll 'ave 
 time to get back to 'is dinner at 'ome. S'pose 
 we go in and 'ave a bit of a set down." 
 
 It wasn't no manner of use for me to be 
 sayin' I'd as leave go 'ome straight off. Old 
 Spotter took 'is dyin' oath 'e wouldn't let 'isself 
 be beat on the post, and knowin' the laws of 
 'orspitality, was ^^oin' to act accordin'.
 
 AN ARISTOCRAT OF LABOR. 31 
 
 " I Stands by you, Jacko," say 'e, " and you 
 must stand by me, as is only right." 
 
 And it seemed to me he was kind o' 
 frightened at stoppin' there without me, and 
 that's the cause why 'e'd asked me to come 
 from the fust. So rather nor me lose 'im 'is 
 dinner, I went along with 'em into the kitchen, 
 as was all scrubbed and washed, and the dish- 
 covers and grate polished up till they fair shone, 
 like the fire-engine, when it's lying at 'ome in 
 the station. 
 
 So I set down with my back to the table, 
 makin' as if I wasn't there. And nothink 
 much was said, only that at the start the lady 
 passes the remark : '• I've kep' some cold 
 mutton over for fear yer father-in-law should 
 come to dinner to-day, and them as lives on 
 other people's gratitude can't afford to play no 
 games with their insides." 
 
 The rest of the time she kep' makin' no end 
 of a set-out with 'er kid, temptin' 'im with bits 
 o' things, and pattin' 'is back when 'e choked, 
 and wonderin' if 'e didn't look a bit pale to- 
 day, and if 'is poor dear little nut wasn't too 'ot. 
 From start to finish it was : " And didn't the 
 poor darlin' like it then ? " or, " 'Ere's a bit o' 
 somethink nice for the dear child," and all 
 manner of silly baby's talk. And the only 
 notice she took of the rest on us was to go on 
 cos the kid 'ad been at a school-treat the day be- 
 fore, and 'adn't 'ad no flowers give 'im to bring 
 'ome same as the others. 
 
 " It's always the same way with my child," 
 she says ; " 'e's risin' four now, and the fust
 
 32 AN ARISTOCRA T OF LABOR. 
 
 Chris'mas tree as 'e ever went to, when we was 
 living further up the Road, 'e never got nothink. 
 And the second Chris'mas tree 'e only brought 
 'ome an orange, and they two a penny. Cause 
 why, the Reverent Barnett 'e always did 'ave a 
 spite agen that child, 'e did." 
 
 And she drank a rare lot of porter so as to be 
 good for the little baby as kep* on asleep up- 
 stairs, and at the finish she put down a Lord 
 Mayor's plateful of scraps and gravy for the 
 cat, sayin' as she knew what it was for 'er to 
 want it through 'avin' three kittens to nurse. 
 
 Dinner bein' over, old Spotter jumps up and 
 says ; " Now, Jacko, we'll be goin' 'ome. 
 * There's no place like 'ome,' as the song says, 
 and thank Gord there aint, as I used to say to 
 my old missus, to encourage 'er like." 
 
 "Johnnie," says the lady straight off, "you 
 run upstairs this minute, and don't you stop 
 listenin' to yer gran'father's loose talk." 
 
 " And now, Mr. Milwood," she goes on, " if 
 yer father-in-law's quite finished with 'is eatin' 
 and speakin', you may open the door to 'im ; 
 only mind as yer don't scrape the new paint 
 nor yet spoil the 'all paper with the 'andle." 
 
 "Jacko, my son," says old Spotter, us bein' 
 fairly in the street, " let's go back by the 'Igh- 
 way. There won't be nobody to take notice on 
 us there, it bein' so full o' people this time on a 
 Sunday, and them mostly sailors, as comes and 
 goes and doesn't know nothink of yer private 
 misfortunes; and that's why everybody likes 
 'em, same as the swallers. But females is like 
 pigeons : send 'em as far as yer like, they've
 
 AN- ARISTOCRA T OF LABOR. 33 
 
 always got one eye kep' on yer back-door, and 
 they never forgets one bloomin' mark on it. 
 Now men like me and you, we always forgets. 
 It's only decent." 
 
 A bit further on 'e says again : " Jacko, when 
 I come out o' that there 'ouse, I feel as yer'd feel 
 if yer dropped to drivin' a tram-car after drivin' a 
 four-in-'and. I've know'd that woman from a 
 baby, she bein' my daughter and all, but I don't 
 know now what it is as 'er clo's cover. It aint 
 no woman's flesh, that's sure. Why, each 
 Sunday as ever is, about this time I take my 
 dyin' oath as I'll never go there again, but when 
 
 the next Sunday comes O Jacko, my son, 
 
 an empty belly's a tr}in' thing to argue to all 
 week-days and go to bed with every night. It's 
 more tantalizin' nor what any female is, tantal- 
 izin' as they all on 'em be." 
 
 "Jacko," 'e says again, "I was brought up 
 proper to foller the tex' as says, ' Be 'appy and 
 yer '11 be good.' But it don't pay in the long 
 run. If yer rides that tex', my son, yer '11 get 
 beat on the 'ome reach. I aint 'appy now, let 
 alone bein' good, as 'ad ought to be the natural 
 consequence. I've been a classy casual all my 
 time, Jacko, but the glor)-' of casuals is vanishin' 
 like a bloomin' 'alf-pint. Take a feller same as 
 you : 'e gets up of a mornin' ; 'e 'as 'is bread- 
 and-butter waitin' for 'im, cos 'is mother or 
 wife 'as got up fust. Then 'e's got 'is work 
 afore 'im ; 'e knows where to go, and 'e goes. 
 Now take me : there aint no call in partikler 
 for me to get up at all ; there aint no bread- 
 and-butter waitin' for me, nor no work to think
 
 34 AN ARISTOCRA T OF LABOR. 
 
 on and curse at, nor no place to go to. It don't 
 make no sort o' diff' rence which way I goes, 
 'ere or there " (and 'e swep' 'is arm all round 
 the sky of the 'Ighway). " I just 'angs about 
 lookin' for a job, and when I stands watchin' 
 the fellers pullin' at the ropes or carryin' bails 
 or loadin' up a 'old, strike me, Jacko ! there's 
 somethink in my arms fair sets up achin' for 
 the work, same as in a sucklin' mother's breasts 
 when she 'ears 'er baby callin' for 'er. And 
 then, me settin' idly by, maybe an old mate 
 treats me to somethink, and so it goes on, the 
 drink actin' powerful on an empty belly. And 
 to pass the time away, I starts bettin' agen 
 myself on the barges as goes along, or I plays 
 the old game of settin' two worms on a flag- 
 stone, and layin' which '11 wriggle itself off it 
 fust. But there aint no real business in such 
 things. And as to 'orses and such, I still 'as 
 my fancy, and many's the man as comes to take 
 my advice in layin' a sportsmanlike tanner. 
 But as to me myself — why, what's the good of 
 'avin' an opinion, if yer aint prepared to back 
 it? 
 
 " Sometimes, Jacko," 'e goes on, " I thinks 
 of makin' application to some sort o' charity 
 to find me work or else fill my belly. But it 
 wouldn't be no manner o' good, me not bein' a 
 deservin' case. No, I'm not a deservin' case, 
 thank Gord ! My daughter there — now, she's a 
 deservin' case : that's what she is. 
 
 " And sometimes I think, when it comes to 
 the worst, as I'll just start off and take a walk 
 down to Devon, where I lived when I was a
 
 AN A RI STOCK A T OF LABOR. 35 
 
 boy same as you, and my family name is looked 
 on with respeck. The Work'us there, as we 
 'ad used to call the Bastyle, stood on an 'ill 
 lookin' miles over the sea, and there was a big 
 garden and a wall all round. And once a week 
 the old folks is let out, and goes cadgin' round 
 for drinks and tobaccerand such. And many's 
 the time I've give 'em nuts or bits o' pepper- 
 mint or whatever came. And maybe now the 
 lads 'ud do the same by me, besides throwin' 
 stones at me from be'ind 'edges, as was rare 
 sport too, just to 'ear the old uns swear. And 
 what with me tellin' stories of the races I've 
 seen, and the fights, and the shootin', and what 
 with playin' cards with the Manager, and givin' 
 'im sportin' tips, and sayin' sugary little things 
 to the Matron same as females like, I shouldn't 
 wonder if I made that Work'us 'um. 
 
 " But whether I dies or goes to the Bastyle 
 fust, one thing's a cert, Jacko, and that's as you 
 shall 'ave the family portrait to yerself, cos 
 you've showed a decent respeck, and I'm all the 
 'appier for 'avin' stood out on yer be'alf. As I 
 was sayin' there '11 be a fair old scramble for 
 that portrait when I goes, but you shall 'ave it, 
 Jacko, you shall, on my word, even if I've got to 
 make my dyin' will and testament to-morrer. 
 I'm uncommon proud o' that portrait, my son, 
 me 'avin* always 'ad a deal o' family pride, 
 thank Gord ! " 
 
 With that I left 'im and ran 'ome just in 
 time to cut in for the end o' dinner, as is mostly 
 late on Sundays to save tea. And in the even- 
 in' I ask my father, as 'ad used to do a bit of
 
 y, 
 
 AN AU/.':/<U'ly',\ •/• ()/' I IftoK. 
 
 C'ltviii' ;iii(l nildin' ;if()ic '(• tool: lo lillin' \v]\\.\v, 
 *OW MUM li 'r'{\ j'lvr foi old ! .pot Ici *.•; f.iinily 
 portr.'iil. 
 
 " Well," 'v M.'iys, " I vvodldn'l j^ivr nolhink 
 for tlir f.'iniily. nor iiolliink for tlu* porlr.iil, but 
 I Hhouldn'l loind .idv:iii( m' tvvo-;iiid imik- on iIk* 
 fr.'inir, ju'il to ctil iij) -.nLdl."
 
 ciiArri R III. 
 
 dlK " ♦3t. V3C0111C" of IRocbciUcr. 
 
 l'*()l\l^ ih.il week w.is well out, 1 ;m)1 
 look oil lor .1 jol) .IS p.u'kci" m llu! 
 Cily, aiul every inormn" 1 was up al- 
 most as soon as liijht, and ridin' alonj; 
 the Koad in a workman's car, same as if I'd 
 kcp" a private gi^;. So 1 j>ut in two horns" woik 
 till broakfast, and mostly ^ot "onic ai\\\\\ to tc.i 
 1)\' six or 'alf past, *avin' an hour olf in flu* 
 middle: for my diniuT at a cook-shop. 
 
 One cvcnin' wcM all done our teas and w.is 
 fcclin* very comfort. litlc-, wh.it with f.ithcr ".ivin' 
 };i)t a good job too for liitiiT sonu- c h.ipcl or 
 warc'ousc or somctliink o" ih.it down in How, 
 .is '\\i\ keep 'ill! goin' pretty sli-ady through 
 wiiitei- 111 .ill we.itheis, the brickwork bein' 
 linished olf. And I wiis thiiikin' to myself 
 whetluT I'd get some felleis to come round with 
 me .md be chippin' young Duffy, or j)luck up 
 ■(•.lit to go .ind piss the time of cvcnin' to lan.i 
 Sullix.in, she bein' one o' them ;is likes yer best 
 when yer 'appv. Hut on .i sudden there comes 
 .1 knockin* at the door, and little Susan Moore 
 sticks 'er 'e.ul in .md s.iys in .i kind o' voice like 
 s.iyin" |)oetry .it school : 
 
 " If yer pikMse, f.ither's goiu: .md ".id .mother 
 
 J7
 
 38 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 Stroke, and wants to see Mr. Britton very pur- 
 tikler." 
 
 " That's a bad job," says my father ; " at that 
 rate I reckon it's about all over with old Timmo. 
 'E'll snuff it, sure as I'm alive. All right, my 
 dear, I'll come along this minute. Just set 
 yourself down, and take a cup o' tea." 
 
 Old Timmo 'ad fell on 'is back in ladin' a lighter 
 the spring afore, and been queer all down one 
 side ever since, for all 'is being able to move 
 about and carry things, but not to manage 'is 
 lighter no more. So father tells me to come 
 along, 'e always likin' me to see all the sights as 
 might be, and old Timmo bein' famous as the 
 strongest man in our parts or p'r'aps on the 
 water anywheres, let alone 'is 'avin won the 
 Doggett coat and badge the very same day as 'e 
 was twenty-one. And there's some as say 'e 
 could 'ave beat old 'Iggins 'isself, as is called 
 the ex-champion sculler of England, only that 
 their ages wasn't arranged right for 'em to 
 make a match of it, through 'Iggins bein' older. 
 And father says it's often the same way with 
 gettin' married, seein' as there'd be a rare lot 
 of different marriages, if only the parties 'ad 
 started more level when they was fust born. 
 
 Timmo 'ad a 'ouse all to 'isself and family 
 in Pennington Street close along by the Dock, 
 'e bein' always in good work up to the time of 
 'is accident, through bein' able to do as much 
 as any two. So we knocked, and Mrs. Moore 
 came to the door, and seein' us she started 
 cryin' and carryin' on most terrible. Stout and 
 red she was, 'avin' a lot o' children, for all not
 
 THE ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 39 
 
 bein' old yet. So my father pushes past 'er, 
 tellin' er as p'raps things 'ud be better soon. 
 
 "And they couldn't be worse," she says, 
 " cos, if they was, we'd any'ow 'ave 'is club- 
 money to draw and live on." 
 
 Gettin' upstairs, we find old Timmo lyin' on 
 'is bed quite still, with a decent brown blanket 
 over 'im, and a candle burnin' ; and the doctor 
 'ad took and stuck a Bible or somethink o' that 
 under 'is 'ead to prop it up. And one of 'is 
 arms was layin' out over the blanket bare from 
 the shoulder, and oh, my soul ! it was just like 
 the front leg of a cart-'orse, barrin' the extry 
 finish about the 'and. But 'is gray eyes seemed 
 kind o' bigger nor usual, and 'is nose and tuft 
 o' beard more peaky, 'is 'ole face some'ow pale, 
 for all its bein' dark brown as a bit o' seasoned 
 wood — a deal darker nor what 'is 'air was, that 
 bein' yellerish ?nd burnt near white at the roots 
 by the sun. 
 
 " What, Timmo ! " says my father quite 
 cheerful, 
 
 " What, George ! " 'e answers, and says no 
 more, 'e bein' always slow of speech. But that 
 evenin' 'e'd been turnin' over what 'e 'ad to say 
 so as to run straight on when once started, only 
 not knowin' where to start. 
 
 " Gone aground again ? " says my father. 
 
 " Not me ! " 'e says, " I aint one to go 
 aground, but it's like as when a barge gets run 
 into by a steamer through no fault of 'ern. Yes, 
 yer may 'oist the green flag over me now, same 
 as over a wreck in the tideway." 
 
 " Don't yer be sayin' that, Timmo," says my
 
 40 THE ''ST. GEORGE"" OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 father, and cops 'old on 'is 'and, and makes as 
 if 'e was only feelin' at 'is pulse goin'. 
 
 " Well, cheer up, mate," says Timmo, " that's 
 neither 'ere nor there. What I wants is to give 
 yer a kind of a message to take, if so be I peg 
 out this time. Yer see it's all along of my Dog- 
 gett badge, as I won fair thirty year gone, me 
 bein' now turned of fifty." 
 
 With that 'e looks at the badge, as was 
 'angin' up opposite over the fireplace, and 
 shinin' in the candle-light, the silver 'orse on it 
 showin' quite plain. 
 
 " I s'pose my missus aint anywheres near } " 
 'e whispers. " Well, that's all right. Me and 
 you bein' men, we understands one another, 
 bnt they women understands nothink about it, 
 bein' females, bar one as understood, and it's 
 'er I'm goin' to speak about — 'er and my Dog- 
 gett badge, them's the two ropes I've got to 
 'old by. 
 
 "Yer mightn't think it, mate," 'e went on, 
 " but once on a time I was in love with a 
 woman." 
 
 "Ger on ! " says my father, " once on a time 
 indeed ! With all the females 'untin' up and 
 down after yer all yer life, and you married 
 three times as I 'ear say, and a fine lot 'o chil- 
 dren beside ! Once in love, ger on ! Men like 
 me and you is always in love, more or less, 
 just accordin'." 
 
 " Now ye're talkin' same as any female yer- 
 self, mate," he says. " The kind o' love yer 
 mean's the common kind, as is quite right and 
 proper in its place, but it aint the kind as I
 
 THE'' ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 41 
 
 mean. And I wasn't talkin' o' none o' my 
 three wives neither, for all I've no word agen 
 them, and they wasn't none of 'em bad-lookin' 
 to start with. But it's a different kind o' woman 
 as I'm speakin' on." 
 
 " That's as it may be," says my father ; " and 
 it might so 'appen as I've been in love myself 
 same as you, for all your coat and badge." 
 
 " Now keep yer 'air on, mate," he says, " and 
 we'll go back to that same badge, as is the 
 thing I was wantin' to speak about. 
 
 " Yer see," he says, " it came about all along 
 of one day some thirteen or fourteen year after 
 I'd won it. I'd worked myself up bit by bit 
 from bein' lighterman's boy to bein' a certifi- 
 cated lighterman ; and then, through always 
 'avin proper pride of myself, I took to the sailin' 
 line, fust as boy, then as mate, and last of all as 
 captain. And just about the time I'm a-goin' 
 to tell on, I'd been captain two year gone, sailin' 
 the barge as was then called the Deborah Jane, 
 'ailin' from Rochester, for all 'er voyage bein' 
 from Maidstone to the West Kent Wharf close 
 agen London Bridge, or to the 'Onduras Wharf 
 agen Blackfriars, if so 'appen we was carryin' 
 'ay. And seein' as I was sailin' for a good firm 
 and was makin' from thirty shillin' to two pound 
 reg'lar, and at whiles five bob extry, I'd married 
 'er as was my fust wife, a Maidstone girl. But 
 she died shortly before the time I'm speakin' on 
 in her first confinement, as females will, through 
 no fault o' mine. So I was feelin' very inde- 
 pendent, and a bit lonesome at the same time, 
 through 'avin' nobody waitin' for me when the
 
 42 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 Debo7-ah Jatie put in 'ome, as was mostly on 
 Sunday afternoon. But I never missed 'er 
 much on board, 'avin' the same two mates as 
 before, and she never 'avin' made the voyage 
 with me through females mostly not suitin' 
 when yer urgent. And my business on the 
 back voyage was always urgent, almost as 
 urgent as steam, as is the urgentest thing there 
 is. 
 
 " Well, as I was sayin', it was that Saturday 
 afternoon, about this time or earlier in Sep- 
 tember, the flood runnin' up till 'alf after five, 
 and the water all jumpin' about like a shoal of 
 fish under the sun, and a draught from the 
 west fair callin' for the sails to start. I'd just 
 finished ladin' up with a cargo of sugar and 
 currents and bacon and cheese and soap and 
 that, enough to wash and fill the bellies of 'alf 
 the villages in Kent, seein' as the Deborah 
 Jane, as then was, took down eighty-five ton 
 in 'er 'old as easy as me or you 'ud take down 
 a quart. And we'd just drifted across to Ten- 
 nant's Wharf to take on an extry sack of flour, 
 and was puttin' the gear straight, ready to 
 'eave up and cast away at the turn o' the flood, 
 and there was a line of 'eads watchin' us from 
 the bridge, same as mostly stands watchin', 
 no matter if there aint nothink to watch. 
 And on a sudden one of 'em comes down 
 round by the steps, and stands leanin' agen 
 a post by the Old Swan pier, close by where 
 we was layin' along the wharf. O Christ ! 
 it's fifteen year agone or more, but there 
 she was standin' in flesh and blood with some-
 
 THE -'ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 43 
 
 think of a white dress on and a kind of bluish 
 cloak, so as yer might almost 'ave took 'er 
 for a 'orspitai nurse. So she stands lookin' 
 at me, and now and again I gets a sideways 
 look at 'er in settin' up the gear. And each 
 time as I looks, I says to myself, ' She's all 
 right,' I says. 
 
 " Now it so 'appens I'm one o' them as can't 
 abear to see a female by 'erself and me not 
 speak to 'er. It's kind of unperlite not to speak, 
 and she takes it as such. ' Oh ! ' she says to 
 'erself, any female does, ' so I aint good-lookin' 
 enough to be spoke to, aint I } ' and that makes 
 'er wild. So just as we'd cast off, and was 
 swingin' slow round by the pier-end, the water 
 bein' at the slack, I got up close agen the side, 
 and looks up at 'er, and says quite gentle : * Eh, 
 Miss ' (I was goin' to say ' My Dear,' but some- 
 'ow I stuck in ' Miss ' instead). * Eh, Miss,' I 
 says, ' it's I wish as you was comin' down the 
 water with me, I do.' 
 
 " ' I aju comin',' she says, and steps down 
 on the gunwale as cool as gettin' into a penny 
 bus. I just put one arm round 'er to 'old 'er 
 safe, and next moment we'd swung out into the 
 stream, and down under the bridge. And I 
 could 'ear the crowd on top a-Iaughin' and 
 shoutin' after me, and sayin' 'What chur, 
 Timmo!' 'You just bring back my old 
 woman,' and passin' undecent remarks, and 
 singin' bits about ' Nancy Lee,' as was all the 
 go in them days. But I feels 'er under this 
 'ere arm, she so thin and light, and I looks 
 down on 'er and fair laughs with wonder ; and
 
 44 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 she looks up at me with a kind o' look o' what 
 a pigeon feels, as gets safe off after bein' let 
 out o' the trap at a shootin', and is missed by 
 the outsiders as well. But as to me bein' sur- 
 prised — well, if the statue of Queen Victorier 
 on Temple Bar 'ad walked into my barge, I 
 couldn't 'ave been more surprised, let alone 
 pleased. And my two mates kep' standin' and 
 starin' at us, and they left settin' up the gear, 
 and we just let the Deborah Jane drift, worse 
 nor any common lighter, till on a sudden a big- 
 steamer as was makin' up for the Pool started 
 whistlin' and 'ootin' at us fit to wake a church- 
 ful of people ; so I gets out the long sweep 
 and slues 'er round just in time. And would 
 you believe it } that lady cops 'old on the 
 sweep alongside o' me, and pulls for 'er life. 
 Eh, she was always a rare plucked one and no 
 mistake, and that quick and ready! Then I 
 gets a lot of old canvas, and 'eaps it up agen 
 the tiller for 'er to lay on. So she lays down, 
 and keeps lookin' sometimes at me and some- 
 times at the sun, as still 'ad about an hour or 
 more to go. 
 
 " So we sets up the gear at last, and swing 
 out the foot o' the mains'! on a pole, bein' 
 afore the wind, and up with the spinnaker, cos 
 the draught was almost too light to make the 
 fores'l bulge. And 1 loops up a bit of a reef \\\ 
 the mains'l, so as to let me see what might be 
 comin' in the way, and settles myself at the 
 tiller, just to show the lady how the Deborah 
 Jane, as then w^as, could move. And the 
 draught freshenin', we fair walked past the
 
 THE "ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 45 
 
 Other barges, top-s'ld as well as stumpies, 
 mind you, just the same as if they was layin' 
 at anchor. Eh, we was urgent in my old 
 barge ! almost as urgent as what steam is. But 
 all the time we three mates says nothink at all, 
 we thinkin' only of one thing, and the lady was 
 layin' in 'er blue and white, same as a patch o' 
 sky set on the deck. 
 
 " Oh, my soul ! she was a reg'lar beauty, was 
 that woman. Some'ow from first to last she 
 always put me in mind of my spinnaker. 
 P'raps it was through the spinnaker being so 
 light and kind o' dainty, it bein' made to catch 
 any breath of draught as might be, and left 
 clean and white, not smeared over with ocher 
 and oil same as the other sails, as is all red and 
 brown and 'eavy. And then she'd bend and 
 curve this way and that, for all the world like 
 the spinnaker when the wind's 'avin' a bit of a 
 game with it, for all 'er bein' as tough as a 
 steel-wire stay. And mind you, it's always the 
 spinnaker as snaps the top-mast, through 
 bracin' it for'ard like a whip. And I've never 
 see the man, little or big, but that woman could 
 'a' done just whatever she 'ad a mind to with 
 'im. And that's what sometimes makes me 
 think as 'im as 'ad got 'old on 'er afore must 
 'ave died sudden, or somethink o' that. For 
 she wasn't the sort as we men gets sick on, as 
 is natural with most females, 'but she was 
 always after somethink new ; and all on a 
 sudden, when nobody wasn't lookin' for it, 
 she'd come round and say or do somethink 
 more takin' and more sweeter nor all what
 
 46 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 she'd said or done before. No, mate ; once a 
 man 'ad got 'old on 'er 'e wasn't likely to give 
 'er up, unless forced to — not 'im, not me any- 
 ways, I'd as soon as 'ave give up the water, as 
 is equally uncertain and enticin'. 
 
 " Well, as I was sayin', we travel down past 
 Woolwich, not sayin' much, but sailin' most 
 urgent, as is usual afore the wind, with the lee- 
 boards 'auled up close, and the mizen swingin' 
 with the rudder, and 'elpin' to pull us round 
 the tacks by the Isle o' Dogs, and the iron 
 loops and chains rattling along the 'orses, main 
 and fore, accordin' as the sails swung over 
 from side to side. But when we got into the 
 long straight reach by Barkin' Level, seein' as 
 the sun was almost down, and the evenin' 
 closin' in cold, I give over the tiller to the mate, 
 and went up to the lady where she was layin' 
 starin' up at the sky, as 'ad a few stars comin' 
 out. And I ask her if she'd fancy a drink o' 
 tea. So she ups and comes down the bit of 
 ladder into the cabin aft, as natural as might 
 be, me goin' fust and slidin' the shutters in 
 front o' the berths, so as they looked same as 
 the other cupboards all round, where I kep' the 
 coal and eatables and cookin' things and an 
 extry set of trouseys and guernsey agen the 
 wet. Then I lights a bit of a fire and makes a 
 drop of tea, and I cuts the bread, and I says : 
 
 *" I ask yer pardon, mum ' 
 
 "'Don't call me mum, please,' she says, 
 cuttin' in as quick as anythink. 
 
 " * As yer please, miss,' I says, ' but I thought 
 maybe as mum showed more respeck, me not
 
 THE "ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 47 
 
 knowin' which yer might be, as 'ovv should I ? 
 But, askin' yer pardon, miss, do yer take butter 
 to yer bread ? ' 
 
 " ' A Httle, please,' she says. 
 
 " ' I wasn't after askin' the quantity, little or 
 much,' I says, ' but just whether or no yer 
 takes it.' 
 
 "And it's my belief it was just that little bit 
 of extry perliteness on my part in the matter of 
 margarine as fust made 'er start takin' a kind o' 
 fancy to me. But the mate always stuck out as 
 she must 'ave 'eard from the crowd as I'd won 
 the Doggett, and that set her lookin' at me. 
 And I wasn't a bad-lookin' bloke in them days, 
 nor never 'ave been. And as to them clurks 
 and such like as was alongside of 'er lookin' at 
 me — why, I could 'ave eat any three on 'em at 
 once, and felt no fuller. 
 
 " Then I bring out what best I 'ad with me, 
 laid up agen Sunday's dinner — tinned salmon, 
 and bacon, and a bit of cold beef, and 'alf a 
 Dutch cheese — and I give 'er the choice of just 
 anything she fancied, me 'aving fust set it all 
 out nice on bits o' newspaper. So when she'd 
 finished 'er tea, and 'ad asked me all manner of 
 easy questions about the barge and the water 
 and the names o* things, I says to 'er : 
 
 "'I'm not after drivin' of yer away, miss, 
 and should dearly love for you to stop, I should. 
 But we shan't lay up till nigh on midnight, and 
 if yer wants to go ashore, I'll put yer out at 
 Green'ithe or at Gravesend, askin' yer pardon 
 all the same.' 
 
 " Now, mate, you'll be thinkin' me a born
 
 48 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 fool for offerin' such a thing, me 'avin' 'er there 
 in the cabin along of me, and no escape. And 
 I more nor 'alf thought myself a fool too, but 
 some'ow she'd got somethink about 'er different 
 from other females, and it wasn't no good you 
 thinkin' o' makin' love to 'er agen 'er will. It 
 wasn't never no good at all. And I see smart 
 enough as she wasn't willin' at that time. 
 
 " But when she 'card me talk about puttin' 
 'er ashore, she stood up sudden, and came over 
 to me, and for the first time — eh, mate, but it 
 wasn't the last by no manner — she put 'er 'ands 
 on top o' mine, and they was as sorft and light 
 yer scarce felt 'em, same as the feelin' of water 
 on a warm day. And she looks up into my 
 face, as was a way she 'ad, and oh, lord ! 
 when she did that, I misdoubt if even a female 
 could 'ave said no to 'er, let alone a man of cast- 
 iron, such as I wasn't by no means. And she 
 begs and entreats of me to let 'er stop aboard, 
 and not to send her back to London all alone. 
 
 " ' Look,' she says, kind of layin' 'old on me, 
 ' you can't refuse what a woman asks. I'll live 
 on the deck or wherever there's room. I'll be 
 your servant. I'll do the cookin' and wash in' 
 for you. I'll look after the ship, and make it 
 all nice. Only don't turn me away.' 
 
 " And so she went on, or words to that 
 effeck. And it's awesome to think what that 
 woman, bein' a lady born, must have suffered 
 afore she could bring 'erself to speak like that 
 to a common waterman same as me, for all me 
 bein' captain of the barge. But bein' always 
 terrible fond o' females, and not likin' to see
 
 THE "ST. GEORGE" OF ROCHESTER. 49 
 
 none of 'em in distress, I just took on me to 
 treat 'er same as you'd treat other females. So 
 I smooths 'er down, and says : 
 
 " ' There, there, my dear, you shall stay with 
 me till yerself gives the word to go. I'm big 
 enough to purtect yer, I should 'ope, and there 
 aint none as I knows on to say a word agen it, 
 now as 'er as was my wife is gorne, for all this 
 bein' no place for the likes of you.' 
 
 " Then I 'eard 'er give a kind of sob, but it 
 wasn't with cryin', she not bein' much given to 
 the like o' that. It was just .the kind of deep 
 breath as a man gives when 'e nicks 'is boat 
 away from under a big steamer's bows, and 'e 
 lays easy on 'is sculls a minute, and the steamer 
 goes swishin' past through the water. 
 
 " Then I went on deck, and settin' on the 
 main-'orse I tell the crew as the lady wanted to 
 stop along of us a bit, and what I reckoned 
 was the likely reasons for that. And the mate, 
 as always aimed at a bit of argufyin', for all 
 not bein' over partikler 'isself — it was 'im as 
 afterward went off with my second wife, so 
 as she died of 'is treatment of 'er — 'e said 'e 
 wasn't sure if it was just the right thing to do, 
 to keep a female on board without yer bein' 
 married to 'er, and for 'is part 'e'd never see a 
 lady or gen'leman as was good for much ; but 
 for the rest 'e raised no objection. And the 
 boy says if / wouldn't purtect the lady, blind 
 'im ! 'e'd purtect 'er 'isself, 
 
 " Just then the lady comes up out o' the 
 cabin 'erself, and I tells 'er the name of Charlie 
 and the name of Ben.
 
 50 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 " ' And might I make so bold as ask what 
 you'd like us to call you, miss? ' I says. 
 
 " ' Oh, it doesn't matter ! ' she answers. 
 ' Are we a long way from London now ? ' 
 
 "'Yus,' I says, 'we're past Erith, and 
 makin' up to Purfleet. By daytime you'd 
 soon see the Tilbury 'otel standin' up in the 
 distance, and it's just past there as we'll lay up 
 till nigh on six to-morrer mornin'.' 
 
 " ' Erith } ' she says, ' that's a pretty name. 
 You can call me Erith.' 
 
 " And that's the name she sticks in my poor 
 'ead under. 
 
 " By the time we laid up, me and the boy 'ad 
 made the aft cabin pretty tidy for 'er ; clearin' 
 out my berth and puttin' in clean beddin', as 
 was always supplied us by the firm, same as 
 teapots and kettles, most generous. And we'd 
 agreed that for the time bein' I was to 'ave 
 one o' the berths for'ard, till we see 'ow things 
 lay. So the boy was set to sleep in front of 
 the fire, and me and the mate in the berths on 
 each side. But after we'd cast anchor, I 
 couldn't 'elp but just 'ave another look down 
 into my own cabin ; and standin' still and 
 listenin' I could 'ear by the sound of 'er 
 breathin' as she was sleepin' better nor a 
 corpse. And by what I could reckon, for all 
 me never askin', no bloomin' corpse 'ad ever 
 been through worse nor what she *ad, nor 'ad 
 got a better right to sleep at the end on it. 
 
 " Next day, and next, and so on week after 
 week, she still seemed best part asleep, as if 
 she couldn't never 'ave enough of restin', for
 
 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 5^ 
 
 all 'er bein' always so obligin' and perlite. And 
 from the fust start off she took on 'er to do the 
 bit o' cookm' and washin' and such as that, 
 same as any common female, so as she wouldn't 
 never let us so much as light a fire or boil a 
 kettle for ourselves, she likin' to picture 'erself 
 as earnin' 'er own livin', for all it wasn't exackly 
 true in the actual value of 'er work. But none 
 on us wouldn't 'ave give 'er up for twice the 
 cost of 'er keep, and me not if yer'd give me the 
 command of an iron-clad flagship. And that 
 was the quietest autumn-time as ever I call to 
 mind, neither rains nor fog. And often and 
 often, as we was just droppin' up or down with 
 the tide and a gentle draught, all sails set, I've 
 stood at the tiller in the early mornin', and seen 
 the sky and the water all turnin' white with the 
 daylight, and maybe a bit of a mist just risin' 
 off the river, and the War spite and Arethusa 
 trainin' ships lookin big above it, and a gull or 
 two flappin' round to see what they could get, 
 and the sea-birds callin' and pipin' from the 
 mud along the banks ; and I've 'card little sounds 
 of movin' in the cabin under my feet, and I've 
 knowed in myself as she was gettin' up, and 
 washin' 'erself, and lightin' the fire for our 
 breakfasts. And then I've seen the blue smoke 
 comin' out of the little chimbley. And after 
 that she'd slide back the 'atch, and put 'er 'ead 
 out, so smilin' and clean, for all the world to 
 match the mornin'. But the rest o' the time 
 when she wasn't workin', as she liked to call it, 
 she was mostly layin' aft on the canvas, and at 
 such times I always took the tiller myself, so as
 
 52 THE "ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 to be ready near 'er if wanted. And for the up 
 journeys I mostly tried to get a cargo of 'ay, and 
 put 'er on top of it for 'er to lay on, and then, if 
 so be we fouled a buoy, or a lighter came in to 
 us, or we drew up 'ard agen the wharf, she'd 
 never feel nothink but a soft kind o' jolt, as is 
 the advantage of 'ay to lay on. And after a bit 
 I sold up my little 'ouse, at Maidstone, and 
 brought a few bits o' things, more especial fe- 
 male clothing, aboard. And so I'd got no other 
 'ome but the barge, and with 'er there I 'adn't 
 no need to think o' none else. And about 
 Christmas-time she started cuttin' and sewin' 
 all day long at little bits of things, as she 
 stowed in the spare berth o' the cabin. But all 
 the time she kep' 'erself uncommon quiet, bar- 
 rin' sometimes of a frosty night I'd 'ear 'er come 
 on deck, and lookin' out I'd see 'er walkin' up 
 and down, up and down, with nothink but the 
 stars and the river-lights to see, and p'r'aps a 
 great furnace flarin' away in the dark with a 
 mouth like 'ell-fire. But some'ow she always 
 got kind of uneasy and unrestin' as soon as 
 ever we put up to London Bridge, and as long 
 as we lay alongside the wharf she kep' 'erself 
 in the cabin till the evenin'. 
 
 " Well, it might be about Easter-time or 
 somethink earlier, she had a baby born on the 
 barge — not a convenient kind o' place for such 
 things to 'appen in, but I brought off a doctor 
 from Rochester. And if it 'ad been a female, 
 we'd 'ave called it Deborah Jane ; but through 
 its bein' a boy, there didn't seem nothink neces- 
 sary to call it. So we called it all manner, and
 
 THE '-ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 53 
 
 out of all its names one kind o' name some'ow 
 seemed to stick best, and we mostly spoke of it 
 as Lucky, * bloomin' little Lucky,' and suchlike 
 silliness, as pleases females. But the real 
 wonder was to see the fuss as Erith made over 
 it so soon as she was better again, always 
 dressin' and undressin', and washin' and 'uggin' 
 at it, and takin' such care as if it was goin' to 
 be the only one baby in the world, and people 
 was to take a fresh start from it, same as from 
 Adam. 
 
 " ' Just look at 'is sweet little body,' she'd 
 say, and with that she'd undress it again, and 
 spread it out naked on'er lap, and kiss it all over 
 by inches. And the mate said she made more 
 to do with it nor the ordinary cos she'd paid 
 'igher for the gettin' it. But I some'ow think 
 she'd got a kind o' notion as 'avin' 'ad the baby 
 some'ow put 'er up on a level same as other 
 women. After all them pains and the strange- 
 ness of 'avin' that bit o' live stuff to feed and 
 fend for, all the rest, whatever it w^as as 'ad 
 gone before, didn't seem much to matter, it 
 bein' all kind o' sunk in the kid. And it was 
 two things mostly as made me think so : fust 
 cos when we put into London, she didn't never 
 'ide away in the cabin any more, but just 
 fetched up the baby, and sat on deck, nursin' it 
 and lookin' up at the bridge quite calm, as if 
 nobody could say nothink at 'er now. And 
 second, she came to look on me quite different. 
 Before that, I might just as well 'ave been a 
 saint or an angel or a parson from the way she 
 treated me, makin' scarce no difference for me
 
 54 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 bein' there or not. But now she seemed to find 
 out as I wasn't never any such-like person, but 
 somethink quite different. And she grew kind 
 o' shyer, and yet more sweeter, than before. It 
 makes me squirm to think on it now ; it do 
 indeed ! 
 
 '* It took a long time comin' on between us, 
 — long on 'er side, is what I mean. Yer see, 
 livin' on a barge aint at all the same thing as 
 livin' on shore and goin' out to work. Yer've 
 mostly always got time on a barge, and there 
 aint no call to 'urry about sayin' anythink, 
 more especial when the two of yer's livin' to- 
 gether on it, and to-morrer goes by much the 
 same as to-day, only for the matter of the 
 wind blovvin' or not blowin'. So we went on 
 without no change till the middle of the winter 
 after the baby was born, and it was bitter cold 
 with a frost as turned the river into great 
 blocks of ice, joltin' up and dov^'n with the tide 
 alongside of us as we sailed. One night we 
 'ad laid up for the evenin', and gone to bed 
 with great fires blazin' in both cabins. But 
 some'ow I couldn't get no sleep for thinkin' on 
 'er, she bein' so near and all. So I creeps out 
 and along the deck, just to see if she and the 
 kid was gettin' on all right, And I found 'er 
 settin' in front of 'er fire as if waitin' for me. 
 So I just puts these two arms round 'er, 
 knowin' it wasn't no good for me speakin', and 
 she ups and kind o' folds 'er 'ands round at 
 the back of my 'ead — there's no other woman 
 ever knew such a thing to do as that — and 
 kissed me on my mouth.
 
 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 55 
 
 " And all that night, till the flood began to 
 run again, we 'eard the great blocks of ice 
 scrapin' and strikin' with dull thuds agen the 
 sides of our cabin close to where our 'eads was 
 layin'. I've mostly been 'appy enough all my 
 time, till this 'ere sickness took 'old on me, and 
 at times I've been extraordinar' 'appy, as after 
 winnin' the Doggett, and now and again with 
 my mates or with females. But that night 
 when I 'eard the flood comin' in, and went on 
 deck, and 'auled up, and trimmed the gear, and 
 felt the old barge startin' to move through the 
 water, shovin' away the blocks of ice same as 
 me shovin' through a crowd, and I knowed as 
 she was just under my feet layin' still and 
 thinkin' o' me, that time was worth all the rest o' 
 my good times put together. And almost afore 
 we'd made Woolwich, the fog came on that 
 thick, we wa3 tied up there two days and two 
 nights, and nothink movin' on the water, 
 barrin' p'r'aps a steamer feelin' 'er way from one 
 light to another, and bellowin' all the time like 
 the devil tryin' to catch us two under the dark, 
 and 'e not able. And when at last the fog fell 
 down on the water, same as soot round an 
 unswep' chimbley, the days 'adn't seemed no 
 more nor one night, for all me bein' so urgent, 
 and losin' money beside. 
 
 " Well, mate, that's the one part o' what I 
 got to say, and that's 'ow I came to be in love 
 quite different to the ordinar'. And that's 'er 
 as was the only female I ever came across to 
 understand them things. I used to think it 
 was p'r'aps only through 'er bein' a lady born,
 
 56 THE ''ST. GEORGE" OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 but I've set eyes on a deal o' ladies since that 
 time, and 'ave quite give up that notion. I've 
 sometimes seed one of our own females as I've 
 thought might 'ave well risen to it, but what 
 with workin' and cleanin', and not gettin' proper 
 things to eat, and marryin' so soon, and 'avin' 
 such a lot o' children, they mostly all on 'em 
 don't some'ow do it, and it aint no good per- 
 tendin', for all I've liked 'em well enough, and 
 they me, same as ail females. And I needn't 
 be tellin' you, mate, as I meant quite honorable 
 by Erith, and was just dyin' to marry 'er and 
 make 'er an honest woman, same as other 
 wives. But some'ow or another she wouldn't 
 'ear no word on it, I never knowed for why. 
 Like enough she was stopped by somethink of 
 'er past times, she never tellin' of 'em, nor me 
 never askin', out of a kind o' respeck. Married 
 or not, I always thought on 'er as if we was 
 makin' love, and that's 'ow I thinks on 'er still. 
 It wasn't only 'er keepin' the place so tight and 
 clean, and doin' the cookin', and 'elpin' to swill 
 down the deck after our teas to stop the planks 
 from partin' in dry weather, and 'er likin' to see 
 the dirty water runnin' out at the slits under 
 the bulwarks. And it wasn't only 'er paintin' 
 at the barge, for all she was a rare 'and at 
 paintin', and covered over the 'atches and the 
 tiller and rudder and the wooden casin' to the 
 chimbley with red and white and green and all 
 manner. Why, she even painted the sprete 
 white at the ends and green in the middle. 
 And she made me get the name of the barge 
 changed from the Deborah Jane to the St.
 
 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 57 
 
 George. And she painted a picture in white o' 
 that there feller on the tops'l— a queer lookin' 
 bloke 'e was, with scales of armor same as a 
 crocodile, and a serpent's 'ead in one 'and and a 
 long sword in the other, reachin' right out o' the 
 tops'l altogether. Eh, and a rare lot o' chippin' 
 I got over that picture, through folks not under- 
 standin' of it, and callin' it an eel-catcher, or 
 Old Nick, or the Grand Old Man, or anythink 
 else 'andy. But, as I was sayin', it wasn't all 
 that, but the kind o' way she 'ad o' lovin' me as 
 made the difference. So as if she'd took no 
 care with the look o' the vessel at all, nor so 
 much as boiled a kettle, I'd 'ave loved 'er just 
 exackly the same by reason of the way she 'ad 
 of lovin' me. Why, I've sometimes felt my 
 blood workin' up and down same as the pistons 
 on ihQ Ju7n7ia, when I've been after some job 
 ashore, and was puttin' off to the barge agen 
 in my little dingey, me knowin' well what was 
 waitin' for me in our bit of a cabin. And at 
 times, if things was runnin' slack up the river, 
 we'd get sent out for another kind o' cargo, 
 and 'ud 'ave to make round to Ipswich or may- 
 be as far as Dover, and then she'd start workin' 
 the tiller accordin' as I kep' tellin' 'er, and me 
 managin' the gear, as might be. And if so 
 'appen a bit o' wind got up, and we was beatin' 
 up agen it, close-'auled with the lee-boards 
 down, and the water lappin' all over the deck 
 above yer ankles, she'd lay 'old on the tiller 
 along of me, and laugh and sing, and talk all 
 manner o' things of what us two could do to- 
 gether. For, as I was sayin', she was a rare
 
 58 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 plucked un, she was ; and it's my belief she just 
 loved runnin' into danger almost as much as 
 she loved me, and for the same kind o' reasons. 
 " But yer may be sure I got a rare chippin' 
 from all my mates on the water at the first 
 start off. In my own crew the man turned 
 kind o' surly, and didn't do 'is work what 
 yer'd call proper again. But the boy made up 
 for it, 'e workin' just double, and bringin' 'er 
 water to wash with and everythink she could 
 dream o' wantin', and mindin' little Lucky for 
 'er whiles she was busy at the cookin' and that. 
 And some'ow or other the story of us spread 
 all down the river, and we sailin* past the other 
 barges, my old mates 'ud 'oiler out to me, 
 wantin' to know 'ow Grace Darlin' was, or 
 what price I'd take for the Piccadilly Belle. 
 And if so 'appen she'd 'ung up bits of 'er 
 underclothin' and little Lucky's to dry on a 
 line after washin', they'd call out : ' What, 
 Tim mo ! Is them yer new Doggett coat and 
 badge ? ' But they dursn't say much, by reason 
 of their knowin' I could break their bloomin' 
 bones as soon as look at 'em. And Erith she 
 only laughed, and told 'em she was quite 
 willin' for 'em to 'ave 'er, only they'd got to 
 catch us fust, and then to settle it up with 'er 
 man, meanin' me. And afore a year was out, 
 the river was fair mad in love with 'er, and 
 they'd used to watch for the white St. George 
 on the tops'l coming up be'ind 'em, and then 
 stand all o' the one side, and say, ' Good- 
 mornin',' and all manner o' things, mostly 
 decent, as we went by.
 
 THE "ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 59 
 
 " But with their females it wasn't the same 
 thing, acourse not, and they soon enough found 
 out as the way to 'urt 'er laid through the 
 little lad. So they'd 'oiler out, ' 'Ullo, Timmo ! 
 and 'ow's that little barstud of yourn gettin' 
 along"? ' or ' Bought any more second-'and kids 
 up the spank, Timmo?' or 'What price the 
 little backstairs Dook ? ' And I couldn't do 
 nothink agen them, barrin' by callin' of 'em 
 undecent names, me never bein' any 'and at 
 breakin' the jaws of females, nor yet carin' to 
 give 'em what for, through fear of me doin' 
 'em some injury. And some'ow Erith she 
 didn't show no pluck agen 'em either, but took 
 the kid in 'er lap and said nothink, like as if 
 she'd lost 'er spirit. Eh, but there was one 
 thing she could always give 'em points over: 
 for she grew to be a rarer beauty every day, 
 turnin' a kind o' thin varnished brown on 'er 
 face and arms with the sun and rain and wind, 
 the rest of 'er remainin' as before. 
 
 " So we went on sailin' with the tides, up and 
 down, for nigh on two year, and never a word 
 between us, cos she didn't never make game 
 of me, but only of them others, and she was 
 always findin' out somethink new to say or do, 
 each time sweeter nor before, as I've told. 
 And she'd used to tell me we was so fond of 
 each other through 'avin' been lovers a long 
 time back, afore we Vv'as born, when everythink 
 was different, and perhaps I'd been a king. 
 That's as it may be, and I'm not sayin' nothink 
 in regard to it, either 'ere nor there. But I only 
 know as I don't feel much like a king now.
 
 6o THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 " Yer see, it was all too nice to last, same 
 as everythink else. Even trouble don't last, 
 worse luck; for it's worst when it's kind of 
 'alf over. And since them days it's never 
 been more nor 'alf over with me. And as for 
 a kind o' joy as was in me them two year, 
 it took and fair melted away into nothink, 
 like the ice from a Norway ship when the 
 wind's blowin'. And wind, mind you, is 
 much worse for ice nor what the sun is, and 
 many's the lighter-ful of ice as I've took out 
 o' Lime'ouse Basin in my time. So I ought to 
 know. 
 
 " It came with little Lucky afore 'e was born, 
 and it went with 'im when 'e went, and that was 
 about the very 'eat of August, and ragin' 'ot it 
 was. We'd just been unladin' a cargo of 'ay as 
 usual at 'Onduras Wharf, and 'ad dropped down 
 with the ebb, and fetched up alongside a lot o' 
 lighters just belov^^ Southvvark Bridge, so as to 
 stand ready to take on our down-cargo next 
 mornin'. And the tide was beginnin' to run 
 almighty 'ard, and was 'issin and bubblin' and 
 foamin' agen the bows o' them lighters as they 
 lay, with a swallerin' kind o' noise most terrible 
 to 'ear ever since that day. And me and the 
 crew was just settlin' the gear, and clearin' off 
 the bits of 'ay, throwin' 'em into the water, 
 so as to be straight agen supper-time comin'. 
 But Erith 'ad gone below that very minute, and 
 'ad left the kid on deck for us to keep an eye on, 
 'e bein' able to waddle about pretty smart, and 
 as artful as any young nipper in the streets. 
 And by reason of the 'eat, she'd put 'im on
 
 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 6l 
 
 nothink only a little shirt striped pink and 
 white, and 'e kep' on pullin' of it up, and pattin' 
 'is little belly, and laughin' like mad, bein' 
 pleased not to 'ave on nothink beside, and 
 callin' 'imself 'is mother's only son and all man- 
 ner o' silliness she kep' learnin' 'im. 
 
 " On a sudden I 'ears Erith callin' to me, and 
 me goin' aft she says : ' I was only wonderin' if 
 I'd go on lovin' you if you tied me to the burnin' 
 stake.' When we wasn't doin' nothink, she'd 
 often go sayin' queer kind o' things like that, 
 just to see what I'd say for answer. But afore 
 I could think to say anythink, I looks up and 
 see a great empty lighter driftin' down right on 
 the top on us, and the boy on it pullin' like 'ell 
 at 'is long sweep, but makin' no way, not enough 
 to clear us. So I runs fore, and gets out the 
 fender ready, and next second she comes full 
 end on mto us, and was away again, 'er stern 
 swingin' round into mid-stream, and me thinkin' 
 no 'arm done, bein' well used to such. But just 
 as the jolt passed off with a sort o' shiver, I see 
 a kind o' pink flash fall into the water right 
 under the bows of them lighters layin' at anchor 
 on our port. Eh, yer may well suppose what it 
 was ! The little lad 'ad crep' for'ard, and was 
 throwin' a bit of 'ay into the water, same as 'e'd 
 seen us doin', 'e bein' always that artful. And 
 the whiles 'e was throwin', the jolt came, and 
 it's my belief 'e went down with the bit of 'ay 
 still stickin' in 'is little 'and. Afore you could 
 speak I was down under them lighters', gropin' 
 along over the mud at the bottom of the river, 
 where things looks white and green. And
 
 62 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 twice I swallered water so as to keep me clown 
 longer, a thing as a man mayn't do more nor 
 once with any safety ; and then I made a grab 
 at somethink floatin' 'alf-way up and racin' 
 over the ground with me and the tide, same as 
 if somethink was drivin' us all on from be'ind. 
 But it wasn't nothink, only 'is little white cap as 
 'is mother 'ad made for 'im agen the sun. Then 
 I forced myself to come to the top, for all me 
 feelin' very sleepy and kind of satisfied to stop 
 below. I was far away from the lighters and 
 our barge by then, but I went on swimmin' and 
 lookin' about, not darin' to go back without 'er 
 little lad. I went under London Bridge and 
 down through the Pool, the people all cheerin' 
 at me, they not knowin' for why. But I knowed 
 it wasn't no manner of good further. And at 
 last a perlice boat with two black-beetles and a 
 water-rat, as we calls the Thames perlice and a 
 sergeant, they pick me up, and take me back to 
 the St. George as now is. And I gets aboard, 
 and goes straight up to Erith where she was 
 standin', and I 'olds out the little white cap to 
 'er, all drippin' wet, both me and it. And it was 
 the same as she'd just done makin' to keep the 
 sun off 'is little 'ead. But 'is little 'ead was now 
 bein' rolled over and over with the tide along 
 the bottom o' the river somewheres past the 
 Tower, and cool enough, to be sure — our little 
 Lucky boy. 
 
 " And that evenin' and night we lay just 
 driftin' up and down with the ebb and flood. 
 And as soon as it was dark, she took all the 
 lanterns and fixed 'em in the bows, and stood
 
 THE "ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 63 
 
 peerin' over into the water, never movin' nor 
 sayin' nothink. And next mornin' we was late 
 with the cargo, and that was the beginnin' of 
 trouble 'twix' me and the firm. And so it went 
 on for a fortnight or more. Instead of layin' 
 up when we'd made our journey, we'd keep on 
 movin' about with the tide, day and night the 
 same, me and the boy just doin' whatsomever 
 she told us to, and not sayin' much among our- 
 selves nor to 'er, through bein' kind o' scared at 
 the way she kep' seekin' and seekin'. Many a 
 night when I've dropped straight asleep 'oldin' 
 the tiller, me bein' so tired, and she still leanin' 
 over the bows and never movin', I've woke up 
 almost afore it was light, and found us laid up 
 along shore at low water, and she wadin' about 
 in the slimy, black mud with 'er legs bare and 
 'er skirts pinned up round 'er waist, she goin' 
 from on 2 lump in the mud to another, and 
 turnin' of it over ever so gentle with 'er 'ands, 
 never usin' a '00k or a pole to it, but just pullin' 
 it out and rubbin' the mud off to see what it 
 might be. And p'r'aps it 'ud be a keg, or a 
 bit of cargo, or an old iron pot. or a big 
 drowned dog with the 'air rottin' off it ; but it 
 wasn't never the thing as she was lookin' for. 
 
 " But when a fortnight or three weeks was 
 gone, she just gave up, and we went on sailin' 
 same as usual, she doin' the cookin' and washin' 
 and everythink as before, but keepin' one eye 
 on the water through it all. And if anythink 
 came floatin', she'd give it such a lookin' at as 
 give us all a turn, she makin' as if she was 
 thinkin' on some'ut else all the time. And now
 
 64 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 and again I'd 'ear 'er down in the cabin sayin' 
 over to 'erself all the names as she'd called our 
 Lucky boy, and all the bits of nonsenses she'd 
 used to say to 'im. And it's my belief that no 
 matter where she looked, wet or dry, she see 'is 
 little body runnin' about or floatin' past. 
 
 " But the third time as we put up into London 
 again, or maybe it was the fourth, through us 
 losin' all count o' times, I some'ow woke up in 
 the night, and felt as the pillow was wet. So I 
 puts my 'and on 'er face, and feels the tears 
 runnin' out at 'er eyes, but she never givin' a 
 sound nor yet a sob. George, old man, you 
 just be careful in yer dealin's with females as 
 cry after that manner. They're the best to love 
 yer, George : that's neither 'ere nor there, and 
 there aint no denyin' it. But there's always 
 somethink terrible about 'em, same as with a 
 wild beast, or maybe a more fearsomer kind o' 
 spirit, for all I'm not denyin' as to love you 
 there aint none like 'em. And feelin' me 
 awake, she puts 'er 'ands round my 'ead, as I 
 told yer was one on 'er ways, and kisses me, 
 and says : 
 
 " ' I've given you some sort of 'appiness since 
 I've been with you ; 'aven't I, dear } ' 
 
 " And I says : 
 
 " ' All the 'appiness as ever I 'ad ; the rest 
 not countin' alongside of it.' 
 
 " And if I came again as at the first,' she 
 says, ' you'd act the same, and stand by me the 
 same as before ? ' 
 
 " ' Yer know as that's a nonsensical kind o' 
 question, darlin',' I says. ' I wouldn't let
 
 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 65 
 
 nobody take yer away from me now, not if my 
 life depended on it.' 
 
 " Then she took and kissed my face all over, 
 and me thinkin' she was 'appier and kind of 
 sluin' round to 'er life again, I kissed 'er back, 
 and then fell fast asleep, feelin' pleased and 
 kind of easier. 
 
 " And in the mornin' she was gone, and I 
 never set eyes on 'er agen. She must 'ave 
 climbed out over the other barges and up on 
 to the wharf, she bein' always active as a cat. 
 And she'd took nothink with 'er, only for little 
 Lucky's cap and a few^ bits of things, tied up, as 
 I s'pose, in a cotton 'an'kerchief. And ever 
 since then, when I've not been thinkin' on other 
 kinds o' things, I been mostly puzzlin' over why 
 she went. 
 
 " Some 'ud say as what with 'er dwellin' so 
 much on the boy and all, she got thinkin' about 
 'er own people again — 'er father and that. But 
 she wasn't never the kind o' woman to take 
 much count o' blood, barrin' her own little lad. 
 And some 'ud say as she was scared off through 
 always seein' the ghost of 'im in the water or 
 asleep in the cabin. And when she'd gone I 
 found out for myself what ghosts are, and it 
 was partly that as drove me from the barge. 
 And some 'ud say as she couldn't abearto think 
 of sailin' the barge along of me till we got old, 
 and never a child between us ; for w^e didn't 
 never get none of our owm, worse luck. But 
 it's my belief as there was a kind of a change 
 in 'er nature, as came with the child and went 
 with the child, same as the look o' the river
 
 66 THE ''ST. GEORGE" OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 changes with the tide rising or fallin'. And 
 so long as that change kep' up, she thought 
 'erself all right. But as soon as the child went 
 down with the ebb, it kind o' took the daylight 
 off everythink, and she couldn't abide no more. 
 That's my way o' lookin' at it, for all I can't 
 bring myself to say as she thought the daylight 
 took off me as well. 
 
 " I didn't stop long on the barge myself 
 neither, me not carin' for it after that, and 
 gettin' into trouble with the firm through 'angin' 
 about so much, waitin' for 'er to come back. 
 So I took to the lighters again, as is no more 
 nor so many funeral 'earses alongside the old 
 St. George. But every Saturday afternoon I'd 
 go up to the old wharf, on chance of 'er comin' 
 for want of my 'elp. And I've scarce missed a 
 week ever since, for all me marryin' my second 
 wife after a year or two, as was a good enough 
 sort o' girl too till she went off, as I was sayin', 
 with my old mate, as 'ad rose to be captain of 
 the St. George in my place. So me and 'im, 
 we'd a bit of a row one night by reason o' that, 
 and I broke 'im a rib or two ; but, bless yer 
 soul ! it was more for the sake o' decency and 
 what's called law-and-order nor for nothink 
 else, me not much carin' what she did. And 
 last I married my third, 'er as now is, and she's 
 a good enough kind o' female too. 
 
 "And now, mate, as I was sayin', if so be 
 I've got to go out this time, I wants to leave a 
 kind o' message be'ind with yer. I wants yer 
 to go every Saturday at the flood, s'posin' it 
 should be as you can get off at the time, and to
 
 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 67 
 
 Stand about by the old wharf I spoke on, just 
 keepin' yer eye on the St. George. Yer '11 know 
 'er from a distance through a bit of my old 
 tops'l bein' still left on er with two or three 
 foot of St. George's sword, as was painted by 
 'er I've been tellin' of. And if so 'appen you 
 mark a woman keep lookin' at 'er too — tall and 
 thin she'll be, and with a look to make you 
 love 'er — you get up close alongside of 'er, and 
 say 'Erith,' so as she can just 'ear it, but not 
 as if you was meanin' to say nothink in pur- 
 tikler. And if she looks round, just tell 'er 
 about me, 'ow I kep' on waitin' for 'er till I'd 
 got to go out, and v;hen I'd got to go, I went 
 bearin' 'er in mind. And, another thing, give 
 'er my Doggett badge, as she'd used to make 
 shine in our cabin. It 'ud bring 'er in some- 
 think, if needful, either melted down, or sold 
 back again to the Fishmongers' Company, as 
 gives such things. It's over thirty year since I 
 won it, and p'r'aps they'd kind o' like to 'ear o' 
 me again, seein' it was a grand race that year 
 as I won it," 
 
 With that my father promised, and we said 
 good-by and good luck, and came away. And 
 'is wife let us out at the door, and my father 
 said as 'e 'oped her man 'ud soon be all right. 
 And she started cryin' like anythink, and says : 
 
 " Oh, I only wish as the Lord 'ud take 'im to 
 'Isself, seein' as 'e aint no further good to me, 
 nor never will be, so the doctor says," 
 
 And when my father 'ad told it over after- 
 ward at 'ome, my mother says : 
 
 " Lord ! what fools you men make of yer-
 
 68 THE ''ST. GEORGE'' OF ROCHESTER. 
 
 selves with thinkin' this and that ! As if the 
 woman wasn't mighty glad to get somewheres 
 to 'ave 'er child in quiet, and a fine strong man 
 workin' to feed 'em both. Lovin' of 'im indeed ! 
 Ger along ! Soon as she 'adn't got no more 
 need on 'im, she's off, same as anybody else. 
 And serve 'im right for bein' such a sorft-'ead ! 
 Now mind you don't get 'angin' about no 
 wharves, lookin' after artful females ! Ladies, 
 indeed ! It aint t/iaf word I calls 'em ! " 
 
 " Well," says my father, " I'm a-goin' to do 
 what my mate asks of me. And as to females, 
 there aint no danger o' that, cos why, she must 
 be nigh on our age by now — not as we're to be 
 called old, neither."
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 HSbve, Simon's MaM* 
 
 BOUT the middle o' the next No- 
 vember, there fell out a case of an- 
 other way of dealin' with one o' them 
 kids as p'r'aps isn't placed exackly as 
 they ought to 'ave been. And it kep' all the 
 women talkin' about it for nigh on three weeks. 
 Yer see, next door to old Spotter in them 
 Millennium Buildin's lives the sweep as sweeps 
 the chimbleys for the Buildin's and all our part 
 o' Shadwell too. 'E's a quiet sort o' bloke, not 
 interferin' with nobody, but just follerin' 'is own 
 business, and takin' 'is fourpence a chimbley, 
 and proud if 'e gets it. But on Sunday 'e goes 
 to one 'o them Missions, and it's told he's been 
 moved to preach there, and on Mile End Waste 
 as well ; 'e stickin' up for religion and that agen 
 them as says it aint no service to the workin'- 
 man. And Mrs. Macrae, as is a Scotty and 
 gettin' old, for all 'ers bein' known as the 
 cleanest 'ouse in Shadwell, she says old 
 Simon's got the grace o' Gord in 'is face. And 
 it may very likely be 'e 'as somethink o' that 
 under the soot ; only whenever I see 'is red lips 
 in the middle, I always keep 'opin' 'e'll strike 
 69
 
 70 MRS. SIMON'S BABV. 
 
 up, " O dem golden slippers ! " or something 
 lively in the Minstrel line, but 'e never does. 
 
 'E's all right, but it's 'is old woman, Mrs. 
 Simon, as my mother and Mrs. Sullivan and 
 all the other women had a kind o' spite against, 
 cos she was always comin' it over 'em for 'avin' 
 such a lot of babies, she never 'avin' 'ad none. 
 If a baby 'appened to be born among our people 
 — and there was mostly one bein' talked on in 
 this or that family every month let alone every 
 week — she'd be sure to come the very next day 
 would Mrs. Simon, and pay what she called a 
 visit of condolence ; and she'd pity the woman 
 layin' there, and go on agen the man, if so be 
 'e wasn't present, and look at the baby, and 
 'ope it 'ud 'ave good churchyard luck, spite of 
 all 'er fears it 'ud only grow up to turn into a 
 devil o' some kind. And after she'd done con- 
 dolin', she'd turn to the mother and the rest of 
 'em standin' round and messin' about with gruel 
 and that, and she'd say : " Well, well, my dears, 
 as I've told yer all before, I can only thank the 
 Lord as nothink of this ever takes place in 7ny 
 family." And with that she'd go away, and 
 leave the women cluckin' like old Parky's 'ens. 
 
 She lives, as I was sayin', in a three-and-six 
 room next agen old Spotter. And by reason 
 of 'er 'usband bein' a sweep, nobody wouldn't 
 expeck no extry cleanness, nor 'e wouldn't find 
 none neither. The soot lays thick on every- 
 wheres — on the floor and the walls and the 
 chairs and table. Yer might think she took 
 and painted the ceilin' with soot, to make it 
 kind o' match with the rest. In one corner a
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BAbY. "Jl 
 
 great 'eap o' sacks o' soot is always layin', and 
 there aint no other bed to see. It's mostly 
 thought they just go to sleep on them soot-bags 
 to save the trouble of undressing theirselves ; 
 but some make believe they get inside the bags 
 and sleep in 'em, through soot bein' so warmin'. 
 Anyways the room's more like the inside of 
 a coal barge nor any ordinary dwellin'-place. 
 And old Simon, 'e knows it's not kep' quite the 
 same as it ought to be. And that's the cause 
 why, there bein' no other pictures on the walls 
 for fear of 'em 'arborin' the soot, 'e 'as stuck up 
 over the mantel a tex' as says, " Cleanliness is 
 next to Godliness." 
 
 "Yus,"'e says, as you stand readin' of it, 
 " that's 'ow it is ; them as is godly doesn't 
 require none o' yer second-best articles, thank 
 yer, and more's the blessin'." 
 
 And yet the other thing as drives all the 
 women wild, is as Mrs. Simon is always talkin' 
 'ow clean she keeps 'erself alongside o' them, or 
 leastways 'ow clean she would be, if 'er 'usband 
 wasn't a sweep, same as theirs aint. Passin' 
 down our street she'll often take a look in on 
 my mother, as spends all 'er time, early and 
 late, and a deal o' money beside, just in keepin' 
 the 'ouse and us clean and mended. And 
 findin' 'er at sweepin' or scourin', or washin' 
 the winders same as usual, she'll up and say : 
 
 "What, Mrs. Brittor ! I'm real thankful to 
 see yer doin' a bit of a clean at last. I often 
 wonder to myself 'ow it is you other ladies can 
 abide to keep on livln' in such a filthy state as 
 yer all do in London. It wasn't that way in
 
 72 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 
 
 Margate, where I was brought up to be clean, 
 same as decent people. And I've always kep' 
 that lesson in mind, me bein' kind o' proud, 
 I'm sure I dunno for why. Acourse if yours 
 was a sweep, same as mine is, there'd be some- 
 think of an excuse for you and the dirt. And 
 if mine was same as yours, I wouldn't allow a 
 speck o' nothink on the floor big enough to 
 be took for a flea. But sweep or no sweep, 
 I'd never suffer myself to be called dirty, if I 
 was you. Now, there z's sweeps as is real 
 dirty." 
 
 That's the kind o' language as fair drives the 
 women wild, and makes 'em laugh fit to bust if 
 anythink 'appens to them as uses it. 
 
 It was a Saturday night in middle Novem- 
 ber, as I was sayin', and a wet fog was layin' 
 thick over all our part, but a cold wind blowin' 
 all the time, so as you could see the fog goin' 
 past the gas-lamps like a dust of wet. And 
 all night long the signals on the London and 
 Tilbury kep' poppin' off one after another 
 like a volley in the Volunteers. Old Simon 
 and 'is missus was laid fast asleep, whether on 
 top o' them soot-bags or under 'em or in 'em 
 aint for me to say. But in the very middle o' 
 the night she wakes up sudden with a feelin* 
 as if she 'eard a kind o' cryin', seemin'Iy just 
 in the passage outside of their door. And 
 natural enough, she took it for a cat. Now, if 
 there's one thing as she's partial to, besides 
 soot, it's cats. Same with all women as aint 
 got no children ; and it's my belief that's be- 
 cause the cats cryin' at night puts 'em in mind
 
 MRS. SIMON- 'S BABY. 73 
 
 of the babies they didn't never 'ave. And 
 many's the cat as Mrs. Simon 'as spoiled our 
 sport with, when we was makin' it jump off the 
 balconies, or drivin' it up the chimbleys, or 
 down the drains. And if so 'appen it was 
 black, so as not to show the soot, she'd take it 
 'ome till it recovered its spirits, and was ready 
 for more. So now, rather nor be disturbed by 
 the creature's cryin', and 'avin' a kind of feelin' 
 for it, she ups and opens the door to let it in, 
 and calls, " Puss, puss ! " she standing' just 
 be'ind the door for the sake of decency. 
 
 But when no puss didn't come in, she puts 
 'er 'ead out artful, and sees a kind o' black 
 thing layin' just in front of 'er door. And still 
 thinkin' as it was a puss, she reaches 'er 'and 
 down to stroke it ; but feelin' clothin' and a 
 kind o' warmth, she rummages about at it, till 
 all on a sudden she feels, not a cat at all, but a 
 little baby's face. And afore she rightly 
 knowed what it was, she'd put 'er finger right 
 into its mouth, and it closed on it, trjin' to 
 suck. You lay, she jumped away smart 
 enough, and shut the door to very gentle, and 
 ran back to w^here old Simon lay sleepin', all of 
 a tremble with fright and wonder, and not 
 'avin' the time to get wild. But the kid, 
 through feelin' 'er finger pulled away sudden, 
 and nothink in its mouth, only a taste o' soot — as 
 wasn't the kind o' taste it was expectin' — starts 
 cryin' out v/orser nor ever before. And Mrs. 
 Simon, she lays there shiverin', and makin' as if 
 she didn't 'ear it, but not goin' to sleep again by 
 no manner.
 
 74 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 
 
 And by and by 'er old man 'e starts stretchin' 
 and wakes up. And 'e listens, and says : 
 
 " What's that noise o' cryin' in the room ? " 
 'e says. 
 
 " 'Taint in the room, thank Gord," she says; 
 " cos why, it's outside." 
 
 So 'e waits a bit, and says : 
 
 " Old Spotter aint gone and got a baby, 'as 
 'e } " 
 
 " Yus," she says ; " I'll lay that's where it is. 
 'E's been and brought 'ome one of 'is gran'- 
 children. Or maybe 'e's nicked a puppy from 
 somewhere, and is goin' to set up in the dorg- 
 fancyin' line." 
 
 " That aint no dorg," says old Simon ; " and 
 if so 'appen it's a cat, I'll just up and let it in to 
 please yer ; this bein' no night for any livin' 
 creature to be out in, and you so fond o' cats." 
 
 " You won't do no such thing ! " she says. 
 " I've got four o' them cats somewheres about 
 already, and I won't take on no more till some 
 on 'em dies. But it certingly do sound Hke a 
 cat now, don't it ? If yer was asked to-morrer, 
 yer'd say yer thought as it was a cat ; now, 
 wouldn't yer ? " 
 
 '' Yus," 'e says, " that's what I'd say, seein' 
 as it can't well be nothink else, such as a baby 
 or that." 
 
 " So should I say," she says. 
 
 And with that 'e turns round to go to sleep 
 again. But the kid keeps on cryin', for all it 
 gettin' kind o' fainter each minute. And Mrs. 
 Simon shut 'er eyes, but devil a bit could she 
 sleep for all that.
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 75 
 
 And just as the old man was droppin' off 
 again comfortable, 
 
 " Simon," she says, " you're one as knows 
 all about the Lord, aint yer ? " 
 
 " Well," says Simon, " maybe I don't know 
 quite everythink yet, but please Gord I'll learn 
 more in time, either in this world or another. 
 So you go to sleep." 
 
 " 'E 'as a kind of a likin' for little kids, aint 
 'E } " siie says. 
 
 " Yus." he answers; "leastways 'E says so 
 'Isself, and 'E oughter know. But you go to 
 sleep." 
 
 " And seein' 'E's got such a mighty likin' for 
 'em, I reckon 'E'd look after 'em smart enough, 
 wouldn't 'E now ? " 
 
 " That seems nothink but nat'ral," says 'e, 
 " same as 'Is lookin' after sparrers, as is smaller 
 and more on 'em." 
 
 " And s'posin' 'E kind o' took special to a 
 kid. and aimed at lookin' after it for 'Isself, it 
 'ud be a deal better to let it go straight to 'Im 
 nor to keep it slotherin' about Shadwell in the 
 cold and wet ? " 
 
 "You're right," he says, " acourse it would. 
 ' To be with Christ, as is fer better ' : Paul or 
 one o' them said so, and e' knowed as much 
 about it as most on us. But what do yer want 
 askin' all about kids, when we've got our own 
 souls to mind for, and you not over-careful in 
 that purtikler mostly ? " 
 
 " Oh," she says, " I was only thinkin'. But 
 what a mercy our kids all stopped where they 
 was ; and anyway it couldn't be no murder to
 
 76 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 
 
 send a kid back to the Lord quick as miglit be, 
 seein' 'E 'as such a fancy for 'em, as is more 
 nor what I 'ave." 
 
 " It aint no good for us to be considerin' o* 
 them things," says 'e, " by reason of us 
 *avin' no concern with kids, neither 'ere nor 
 there." 
 
 " Yus, but we 'ave though," says she, bein' 
 always very contrairy, " and a mighty concern 
 too, seein' as every blessed minute you lay 
 preachin' and parsonifyin' there, you're com- 
 mittin' murder agen the mortal infant as lays 
 'owlin' itself to death at yer very door, and you 
 showin' neither shame nor pity, for all yer 
 bloomin' fine talk about the Lord, and me not 
 bein' purtikler careful mostly about my soul — me 
 as 'ates kids worse nor bugs, but couldn't abear 
 to lay still and 'ear a livin' creature goin' to its 
 Maker of the cold, be it 'uman baby or kitten 
 born of cat, and me do nothink to save it." 
 
 With that there comes a feebler kind of cryin' 
 from outside the door, and you may bet they 
 was both smart enough in openin' of it, and 
 fetchin' in the black bundle, and lightin' the fire 
 up again, and stretchin' out the kid in front of 
 it to thaw, and warmin' up the milk as was kep' 
 for them cats, and runnin' it down the kid's 
 throat with a spoon ; they pinchin' its nose to 
 make it swaller, and old Mrs. Simon moppin' up 
 its face, and 'oldin' its feet to warm agen her 
 chest, and cursin' at it the 'ole time, till at last it 
 goes off to sleep, and they lay it, all swaffled up 
 in the black skirt and other rags it 'ad on, upon 
 a soot-bag in front o' the fire, with a chair one
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 77 
 
 side and the table the other, to keep it in gear, 
 as old Timmo 'ud say. 
 
 Well, next mornin', as was usual, old Spotter 
 'e comes knockin' at the door to borrer a drop 
 of 'ot water to 'is breakfast, cos 'e couldn't 
 spare the money to light 'is fire till evenin'. 
 And 'e finds Mrs. Simon with the kid on 
 'erlap, it yellin', and she pattin' its back, and 
 callin' it all the bad language as came most 
 natural. 
 
 " Yus," says old Simon to 'im, "that's w^hat 
 the Lord's sent us. 'E alone knows for why, 
 unless it likely was to break the stony pride of 
 our 'earts." 
 
 " Don't yer get sayin' so much about the 
 Lord," she says, " for all yer bein' so 'and-in- 
 glove with 'Im. And I wonder at you, makin' 
 'Im out the same thing as the shameless slut as 
 chucked 'er misbegotten brat at our 'eads cos 
 she was ashamed to keep it for 'erself. The 
 Lord, indeed ! I'd like to know who's the devil, 
 then } And as to proud 'earts, I'm proud o' my 
 pride. Yus, I've always kep' up a proper pride, 
 thank Gord ! I'm sure I dunno for why." 
 
 Then old Simon told Spotter the stor)% same 
 as I've told it you. And Spotter come up and 
 copped 'old on the kid's 'ead, and prized its lips 
 open by pinchin' its cheeks in, and looked at 
 the roof of its mouth, and pulled its tongue, 
 and felt its ankles and knees, and rubbed down 
 its face with 'is 'and to see if its nose was nice 
 and cool. And at last 'e says : 
 
 " No collar, no name, no muzzle, no breedin', 
 no money in it — why, Battersea Dorgs' 'Ome's
 
 7 8 MRS. SIMON 'S BABY. 
 
 the one thing left to do with it. Madam," 'e 
 says, " this little dorg o' yers aint got no pedi- 
 gree at all, beggin' yer pardon for sayin' so — 
 not pedigree enough to made it die of dis- 
 temper, same as most decent bred dorgs dies 
 on. For all," he went on, " it aint no dorg at 
 all, properly speakin', bein' nothink only a — a 
 female. Yus, it's a female, sure enough; I 
 sees that straight off. I'd only got to look at 
 its eye and skin. There's no mistakin' females. 
 There's a kind o' quality about 'em. And yer 
 see 'ow kind she takes to me, same as all 
 females does." 
 
 And sure enough the kid stopped yellin' the 
 moment 'e touched it. And sure enough a 
 female it was. 
 
 " Now that's what I call the very worst of 
 all this cussed business," says Mrs. Simon, 
 most despairin'. " Who'd 'ave dreamt of its 
 bein' anythink so low as a female, and it a 
 castaway ? A London female ! Why, when 
 fust I come up from my decent 'ome in 
 Margate, and see them females shoutin' and 
 yellin' about the streets, and the ways they 
 was dressed, and their carryin's on, I knelt 
 down and prayed the Lord never to let me 
 bring up a female child in London. And fair 
 play to 'Im, 'E's kep' 'Is side of the contrack 
 up to this very night as is gone. And now for 
 'Im to land me with a female no bigger nor my 
 'and ! Well, we can only trust in 'Im as 'E'll 
 take it afore another evenin's past. Look, 
 Mr. Spotter, the little varniin's gettin' redder 
 and redder each minute. That's like apoplexy,
 
 MRS. SIMON 'S BABV. 79 
 
 now aint it ? Oh, Mr. Spotter, tell me what's 
 bad for apoplexy, and I'll do it ! " 
 
 " No, madam," says 'e, " that's what's called 
 the vitality returnin'. Where it's returnin' 
 from aint no matter, but it's same as a bloke 
 gettin' a drop o' somethink after a scrappin'- 
 match. You just lay 'old on its 'ead steady, 
 and keep strokin' of it gently down the stomick, 
 and I'll show yer another thing." 
 
 Then 'e learns 'em 'ow to make a suckin'- 
 bottle by runnin' a fowl's quill through the cork, 
 and smearin' the end with sugar, same as 'e'd 
 used to do in the country for bringin' up rabbits 
 by 'and when their mother 'ad been shot. And 
 as soon as 'e'd learned the creature to suck, 'e 
 went away and told Mrs. Sullivan and my 
 mother all about it. And they told the other 
 women, and all that afternoon Mrs. Simon's 
 knocker — as Lina 'ad tied up with a bit o' white 
 rag, she not 'a\ing a kid glove, so as the interest- 
 in' invalid shouldn't be disturbed, as she said — 
 that knocker kep' on thuddin', and all our 
 women comin' in, and standin' round, and 
 lookin', and laughin', till the room and all the 
 balcony outside the winder was chock-full, and 
 yer might 'ave thought a new Prince o' Wales 
 'ad just got 'isself born. 
 
 Most of 'em 'ad brought their own last born 
 as a kind of set-off agen the foundlin'. And 
 sometimes they made as if they was talkin' to 
 the babies, and sometimes to each other, but it 
 was at Mrs. Simon they was really talkin' all the 
 time. And yer might 'ave thought they 'ad 
 come to an understandin' among theirselves,
 
 8o MRS. SIMON 'S BABY. 
 
 through each of 'em as she come in passin' the 
 remark as she'd looked round to return the 
 visit of condolence made 'er by Mrs. Simon 
 when she was last down with little Bill or Jane 
 or Johnnie, as the case might be, and she was 
 precious glad the occasion for it 'ad come at 
 last, so as she mightn't seem ungrateful. But 
 old Mrs. Simon she sat in the middle on a sooty- 
 chair 'oldin' the foundlin' on 'er lap, and some- 
 times cursin' at it, and sometimes at the women, 
 but mostly makin' as if she never 'eard nothink. 
 
 " Eh, Mrs. Simon," says Mrs. Neligan, as was 
 just up from 'er eleventh, " but it's an awful 
 thing, as yer've very often told me, to bring 
 another 'uman soul into this wicked world, and 
 'ave the rearin* of it." 
 
 " Yus, Mrs. Neligan," says Mrs. Turner, 
 settlin' 'er baby down comfortable to its meals, 
 and lookin' at it kind o' proud, " but yer forgets 
 what Mrs. Simon always says in 'er condolin', 
 as 'ow the sweet innercent may be spared the 
 trouble to come by dyin' early, and gettin' quit 
 of it all. ' 
 
 " Ah, and that's just what it's a-goin' to do, 
 thank Gord ! is die early," says Mrs. Simon, 
 turnin' on 'em savage. " Look at it now ! 
 Call that a livin' child ? Why' it's best part of 
 a skellington already ! " 
 
 And she 'eld it up, showin' its arms and legs, 
 like bits o' jointed sticks. 
 
 " Lord love 'er ! " says all the women. 
 
 " Blast 'er little 'eart ! She's 'ungry, and no 
 wonder on nothink only stuff like that. You 
 'and 'er over to me for five minutes! I'll not
 
 MRS. SIMON 'S BABY. 8 1 
 
 begrudge 'er," says Mrs. Crips, as was old in' 
 a twin on each arm, same as a valentine in a 
 shop winder. 
 
 " Nothink o' that I thankin' yer all the same," 
 says Mrs. Simon. " This 'ere child's got to die 
 peaceful, and not through no mixin' of its 
 liquors, same as some people me and you knows 
 well enough." 
 
 " I'm wonderin', Mrs. Simon, 'ow much the 
 keep of 'er 'II cost you, seein' as yer '11 'ave to 
 buy all the vicuals from outside like, not the 
 same as us," says Mrs. Turner ; " and yer know 
 what a deal o' money a child swallers, through 
 often tellin' us about it, and 'ow it's always the 
 children as makes a 'ome un'appy. Yus, yer've 
 often told me that, yer 'ave, and my man settin' 
 by ; 'im as 'ud be off with Lord knows 'oo to- 
 morrer, if it wasn't for the children always 
 comin', for all 'e do swear awful each time." 
 
 " As to the money, Mrs, Turner, it's dis- 
 gustin' the amount a child '11 eat, as yer say," 
 Mrs. Simon answered. " But that don't ex- 
 ackly apply to me, cos why, there's a difference 
 'twix' me and you, seein' as, if this Gord-for- 
 saken brat wasn't sure on its death this very 
 night, I'd take and carry it to the Union this 
 very minute. And that's what I shall do with 
 it first thing to-morrer mornin', alive or dead. 
 What with all it 'as spilt over outside of itself 
 it's eat more nor two grown cats already, and 
 not tea-time yet. If it wasn't goin' to pass 
 away so soon, it 'ud cost me a clean tanner in 
 milk afore it 'ad done." 
 
 " And it turnin' yer nice room upside down,
 
 82 MRS. SIMON 'S BABY. 
 
 too, after this manner ! " says my mother. 
 "Why, Mrs, Simon, if yer don't mind out, 
 yer '11 'ave to do a bit o' cleanin' one o' these 
 days, same as other people, or else go dirty." 
 
 "Yer'e right in thinkin' me more nor ordi- 
 nary purtikler," says Mrs. Simon. " I don't 
 know for why, but I've always been kind o' 
 proud, and I've kep' mine as the cleanest sweep 
 in the Tower 'Amlets, and I'm not a-goin' for 
 to let 'im lose 'is reputation for a slobberin' 
 abortion such as this 'ere thing." 
 
 " I'm thinkin'," says Mrs. Sullivan, " as the 
 girl what mothered it knowed the way round 
 when she lay it at yer door. She knowed yer 
 was the right sort to look after it well for 'er, 
 and give it a proper edjercation. Yus, she 
 aimed at seein' it well took care on, she did. I 
 shouldn't wonder, now, if she just 'ad the kid 
 for the purpose of 'avin' it brought up so nice. 
 She'd likely 'ave 'eard as you always was so 
 partial to children, through not 'avin' been able 
 to 'ave any." 
 
 " Lord ! mother," says Lina, " what ever is 
 the use in pertendin' so ? Yer know very well 
 as the dear sweet little baby is Mrs. Simon's 
 very own, and she's only makin' game of us 
 all the time. Why, it's the very image of its 
 father, barrin' only the color, as '11 come black 
 in due time. Oh, yus, Mrs. Simon ! I've been 
 keepin' an eye on yer this long while past, and 
 'better late nor never,' is what I've kep' on 
 sayin' to myself." 
 
 With that, Lina dodged out through the 
 women and down the balcony, laughin', and
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BABV. 83 
 
 callin' out it was time for innercent young 
 people such as 'er to come away. And it's my 
 belief Mrs. Simon would 'ave 'eaved at 'er 'ead 
 whatever else she'd 'ad in 'er 'and, only not the 
 baby. 
 
 " Let 'er be, Mrs. Simon, let 'er be," says my 
 mother. " A lady with a new-born oughtn't to 
 be flusterin' of 'erself. You wait till she gets a 
 man and children of 'er own. They'll sober 'er 
 down a bit ! Why, don't yer feel kind o' more 
 soberer yerself since yesterday } " 
 
 "Thankin' yer kindly, Mrs. Britton," says 
 she, " but I'm not one o' them sort as needs to 
 be more soberer, by reason of me not 'avin' 
 been brought up on the streets same as other 
 females. Not as I wonder at you all takin' to 
 the drink, you bein' fair druv to it by all the 
 'owlin' brats as yer get." 
 
 'Er speakin', the kid layin' on 'er lap starts 
 splutterin' and squeakin' like a blind puppy. 
 So she takes it up, and makes as if she was 
 shakin' at it, but really she was tr}in' to jump 
 it about same as she'd seen other women doin' 
 to cheer a baby up. So it gave over cryin', and 
 'eld out its bits of arms, and through bein' too 
 young to 'ave learnt the ways to laugh, it kind 
 of twisted up its face, first on one side and then 
 on the other, till you couldn't 'ardly tell its 
 mouth from its eyes, and its nose went clean out 
 o' sight. 
 
 " Lord love 'er ! " said all the women. 
 
 " 'E'll do no such thing, if I can 'elp it," says 
 Mrs. Simon. " Unless acourse 'E takes it, but 
 that's a different lookout."
 
 84 MRS. SIMOiY 'S BABV. 
 
 " Why, yer gettin' quite clever at dancin' 
 'er," says Mrs. Turner. " Yer '11 soon do it as 
 well as one of us, as 'ave got a rare long start 
 of you, through us bein' same as ordinary 
 women. Now, I tell yer what, if you was to 
 take a little soot-bag, and practice dandlin' of 
 it a night or two whiles the kid's asleep, you'd 
 soon catch the trick on it." 
 
 " I s'pose I could do it same as you or any- 
 body else, if I 'ad the mind," says Mrs. Simon, 
 " only it aint no manner o' good bein' so pur- 
 tikler in the 'oldln' of a kid what's got to die 
 before mornin'." 
 
 " And one more thing I'll tell yer," Mrs. 
 Turner goes on, "and that's always to let it 
 'ave a free fall. I mind 'ow it was with my 
 third, as '11 be thirteen come the twenty-second 
 o' next July, and is now a natural in Colney 
 'Atch, bless 'is heart ! One day I set 'im upon 
 my very own bed with a chair agen it to keep 
 'im safe, whiles I ran out to buy 'im a penn'- 
 orth o' 'winkles, by reason of 'is requirin' a 
 change of diet, and over-young for meat and 
 such. And when I come back, e'd fell off, 
 and got 'isself mixed up with the chair. And 
 the doctor comes, and says : ' Mrs. Turner,' 
 says 'e, ' yer'e a sensible woman, but it was 
 that there chair as did the mischief.' ' Very 
 well, sir,' I says, ' next time I'll see to it as the 
 child gets a free fall.' And I've always kep' 
 my word to that doctor, through not wishin' to 
 deceive 'im. 'A free fall!' 'e says, and I've 
 never 'ad no other natural since." 
 
 " Eh, yus, my dears ! " says Mrs. Sullivan,
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 85 
 
 " they wants a deal o' carin' for and lookin' 
 to, does little children. It's just what Mrs. 
 Simon's told us 'erself many's the time : it's 
 an awesome kind o' thing to be a mother. 
 Them's yer very own words, Mrs. Simon, and 
 yer won't be denyin' 'em now, I'm thinkin'. 
 Well, I can only wish yer joy of it, Mrs. 
 Simon, for all not expectin' it ; and I do wish 
 yer joy, upon my soul, same as you've often 
 wished the rest on us." 
 
 " And all I'm wishin' now," says Mrs. 
 Simon, " is a free fall from the top balcony for 
 you and the kid and the 'ole bloomin' lot. And 
 it isn't me as 'ud trouble to sweep up the mess." 
 
 " Thank yer," says my mother ; " but yer 
 always was so clean and tidy : not like some 
 people we knows on." 
 
 With that they all up and out at the door 
 one after another, very stiff. But in passin' by 
 the winder along the balcony outside, my 
 mother puts 'er 'ead to it and says : 
 
 " Three parts warm water to one part milk ; 
 no more nor less, mind that." 
 
 " Yus," says Mrs. Crips, "and if so 'appen it 
 wants anythink more natural and inspiritin' 
 like, mind I'll not begrudge it." 
 
 "And you just take a turn with a soot-bag," 
 says Mrs. Turner, " and be sure you allow a 
 free fall." 
 
 And Mrs. Sullivan says . 
 
 " Never you mind for Lina's talk, Mrs. Simon. 
 There's none on us believes it of yer. But if so 
 be yer wants a little company when yer'e takin' 
 a drop o' somethink, as we mothers o' families
 
 86 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 
 
 mostly must with the new-born, you just send 
 round for me, as am only waithi' to oblige." 
 
 So they all went 'ome ; but next day four or 
 five of 'em come round again, cos, as my 
 mother said, such a chance for returnin' good 
 for evil on yer neighbor's 'ead don't come more 
 nor once in a life-time. So they stood waitin' 
 outside the door till they 'eard the baby give a 
 cry. Then they nodded to each other, as much 
 as to say, " That's all right ; " and Mrs. Sulli- 
 van she busts into the room, sayin' : 
 
 " Well, Mrs. Simon, and 'ow about that 
 funeral as yer promised us ? " 
 
 " That's just the very thing as I was thinkin' 
 over to myself," says she, smotherin' up the 
 baby in 'er apron. " And I'd take it kind if 
 yer'd go and order the undertaker in for to- 
 morrer." 
 
 " Oh, I'll go this very minute, aud tell 'im 'e 
 must come at once," says Mrs. Sullivan, makin' 
 as she was turnin' to run out at the door. 
 
 " You'll just do what I tells yer," says Mrs, 
 Simon, " and say to-morrer '11 be time enough. 
 A corpse is a thing as 'as no need to 'urry." 
 
 " You're right," says my mother, " but it 
 seems a kind o' pity to keep such things litterin* 
 about in yer nice clean room." 
 
 " I'm glad yer knows cleanliness when yer 
 sees it, as aint every day, Mrs. Britton," says 
 she. " But I always 'ave said as it's undecent 
 to rush a funeral," 
 
 Just then a kind o' distant squeak came from 
 under 'er apron. 
 
 " And besides," she went on, " the creature
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BABV. 87 
 
 aint 'ardly dead yet — not what yer might call 
 properly dead, I mean. It's a shame of it, I 
 know, but that aint no fault o' mine." 
 
 " No fault o' yarn it's still alive .'* " says 'er 
 'usband, as was just puttin' on a fresh kettle o' 
 water to boil. " That's a sweet thing to say, 
 and may the Lord forgive yer when 'E comes to 
 reckon up the liars ! And you up and down 
 every hour o' the night, takin' it up and changin' 
 it comfortable, and 'ushin' it off to sleep, and 
 keepin' up the fire, and pourin' the milk down 
 its innercent mouth till it fair ran over at the 
 top, like ginger-beer as is up. No, it aint no 
 fault o' yern, praise the Lord ! if it dies." 
 
 ** Don't yer be listenin' to the likes of 'im," 
 says Mrs. Simon. " 'E's as innercent as a babe 
 unborn ; one o' them as 'as the sense to know 
 their proper place, and keep to it. What with 
 'is preachin' and 'is acquaintance with Them 
 above, 'e 's pretty near a bloomin' spirit to start, 
 and a fool at that." 
 
 " Mrs. Simon," says 'e, " may the Lord for- 
 give yer ungratitude to 'Im, for it's 'Im alone as 
 raised me to be sweep to these 'ere Buildin's. 
 Not but what I'm as good a sweep as ever 
 swep', and it aint me as 'ud serve the Lord 
 just to get a kind o' start over my betters. 
 Innercent or not, there aint no skilleder sweep 
 nor what I am this side eternity, and it's likely 
 enough the Lord knowed that when 'E raised 
 me to this position. So yer must just put up 
 with me as I am." 
 
 But the women wasn't givin' no more 'eed to 
 what old Simon might be sayin', they standin'
 
 88 MRS. SIMON'S BABV. 
 
 all in a bunch round the kid, cluckin' at it and 
 carryin' on. 
 
 " Lord love it ! " says Mrs. Sullivan, " it's 
 'most twice as big as yesterday. I told yer 'ow 
 it 'ud be, Mrs. Simon ; yer '11 make a better 
 mother nor all the rest on us, and that's what 
 the girl as put it at yer door knowed well 
 enough, she judgin' by somethink other nor the 
 look o' yer." 
 
 " It's just my bloomin' luck," says Mrs. 
 Simon. " I can't never put my 'and to nothink 
 without doin' it too well by 'alf. Now, if the 
 like of any o' you 'ad got 'old on it, that little 
 reptile 'ud 'ave gone off peaceful, and no more 
 trouble nor expense." 
 
 " You'll be for sendin' it to the Union to- 
 day, I s'pose } " says my mother. 
 
 " Now, don't yer get tryin' to fluster me," 
 Mrs. Simon answers. " I've always told yer it 
 aint no good 'urryin' nature. I'm just goin' to 
 leave it to nature, and make no fuss. There's 
 the convulsions comin' on sure as fate afore to- 
 morrer, so what's the good of yer 'urryin' ? 
 It's a deal easier to get the parish to 'elp a 
 corpse than a livin' child." 
 
 " Well," says Mrs. Turner, " it' 11 be a sore 
 burden if it should live after all, both for you 
 and yer poor dear 'usband, as is only a sweep 
 and kind of innercent as that. But when all's 
 said and done, I sometimes think as it aint 
 such a bad thing as some people says to 'ave a 
 kid runnin' about. There's many o' mine I've 
 been fair glad to see, leastways so long as they 
 was little."
 
 MRS. SIMON'S BABY. 89 
 
 " Any'ow," says my mother, " we've just got 
 to take 'em as they come. And a kid's more 
 pleasin' and variable nor what a cat is, and 
 aint much more dirtier neither in the long run, 
 not to my thinkin', Mrs. Simon, and beggin' 
 yer pardon for settin' up agen you on the ques- 
 tion of dirty." 
 
 " That's as it may be," says Mrs. Simon, 
 " but there aint no manner o' doubts as a kid 
 runs into a deal more money nor a cat." 
 
 "Oh, now," says 'er 'usband, "don't yer 
 always keep thinkin' on the money of it. The 
 Lord '11 pervide chimbleys enough for the 
 sweepin', so long as we put our trust in 'Im, 
 and sweep 'em better nor what others do. A 
 chimbley a day at fourpence '11 keep that there 
 baby till it's what's called weaned." 
 
 " And if need be, I'll not begrudge 'er," says 
 Mrs. Crips. 
 
 " And if so 'appen she live to grow up," old 
 Simon went on, " why even then three or four 
 extra chimbleys 'ud always feed 'er, with the 
 Lord's 'elp." 
 
 " Nay," says Mrs. Simon, 'oldin' the baby up 
 before 'er, and watchin' it try to balance its 
 'ead on the end of its neck, " that there won't 
 never live to grow up, thank Gord ! There's 
 the convulsions written on its face, and next 
 comes teethin' with convulsions over again and 
 all manner beside, and next the croup and the 
 rickets, and then measles, and 'oopin' cough, 
 and the scarlet fever, and bronchittics, and the 
 smallpox, and likely enough consumption to 
 wind up with. I've knowed people as died of
 
 go 3/JiS. SIMON'S BABV. 
 
 all them, let alone the 'appy-go-lucky kinds o' 
 things, like wastin's and fallin' away and queer 
 'earts and lungs and stomicks, and all the rest 
 o' the insides, as a power of undecent things 
 can keep goin' on in, and you none the wiser. 
 No, thank Gord ! there's plenty yet as 'II stop 
 me from ever bringin' up a female child — least- 
 ways in London. I'd sooner keep starvin' of it 
 bit by bit till it died." 
 
 With that the kid opened its mouth four- 
 square, and let a lot of milk run all down the 
 front of Mrs. Simon's dress. And the women 
 started laughin' and kissin' it all round. And 
 the queerest part of all is as that kid's still alive, 
 and bids fair to make its livin' as a young 
 giantess in a show. And Lina says there's 
 nothink as is likely to kill it, unless so 'appen as 
 it dies of over-feedin'.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 Siasero's IReturn. 
 
 jUST before that there Chris'mus time, 
 when Mrs. Simon was kind of gettin' 
 used to 'avin' a baby same as other 
 mothers, and the women was turnin' 
 up chippin' 'er about it, and was lookin' round 
 for somethink fresh, we 'ad a rare set-out in our 
 street by reason of somebody else turnin' up 
 unexpected. Leastways there wasn't only one 
 as was expectin' 'im, and she'd kep' on expect- 
 in' for three years gone, so as yer couldn't 
 'ardly reckon 'er as expectin' no more. She 
 was a queer-lookin' woman with bright red 'air 
 and a very white face, and a figure as neat and 
 straight as Lina's own. Same as all red-'aired 
 people, 'er name was Ginger. But after she 
 got married 'er proper name was Mrs. Sissero, 
 but she wasn't never called that, only by the 
 rent-collector and such as aimed at showin' an 
 extry respect. The rest on us used to call 'er 
 Mrs. Kentucky, or Tennessee, or Timbuctoo, 
 or Old Folks at 'Ome, or anythink else 'andy 
 as 'ad connection with niggers. For the thing 
 as made 'er famous was she'd married a nigger 
 and couldn't never get over it. 
 
 All on us knowed all about 'er well enough,
 
 92 S/SS£I?0'S RETURN. 
 
 seein' as she was Shadvvell born and bred, 
 through 'er father 'avin' been a stevedore in 
 London Dock. And more nor that, a woman 
 as 'as got two nigger children, risin' three and 
 four, with woolly black 'air and a skin the 
 color of an old boot afore it's cleaned of a 
 Saturday, she can't 'ope to keep 'idden away 
 same as ordinary people or rats. And all what 
 the street didn't know for itself, my mother 
 found out bit by bit. For she's got a rare knack 
 of befriendin' people, 'as my mother. And there 
 was points about Mrs. Sissero as 'ud 'old all of 
 'em, men and women alike, argufyin' and won- 
 derin' this and that, till their 'eads fair buzzed 
 with tryin' to fix the rights of it. 
 
 Through 'er father bein' a stevedore, she'd 
 got took on in the Dock very young, so soon as 
 ever she'd passed 'er Standards from the school. 
 And she was mostly set to work as is good for 
 females, more especial unpackin' mineral-water 
 bottles, such as come over by the thousand in 
 little steamers from Germany, where most 
 things get made, and there's always plenty o' 
 work through people livin' so poor. All day 
 long them females as does the unpackin' stand 
 down in the 'old on boards laid across rows and 
 rows of bottles. And they keep shiftin' row 
 after row all round 'em one by one into great 
 baskets, as are 'auled up by a crane and shifted 
 again into railway trucks or carts. And they 
 call it " playin' the planner," by reason of the 
 rows bein' so reg'lar and their 'ands jumpin' 
 about on 'em so quick, same as when a man's 
 vampin' on the black and white notes, and the
 
 S/SSEHO'S RETURN. 93 
 
 singer keeps on always changin' 'is pitch. And 
 so soon as the females 'ave done talkin' about 
 'oo's makin' love — and that don't often last 'em 
 till much past breakfast — there's nothink out- 
 side their work for 'em to do but fight over the 
 number o' baskets they've sent up, and keep 
 chippin' their boss, as is mostly an oldish kind 
 of man, so as 'e may know 'ow to give back 
 their sauce in the same way, and nothink come 
 of it. And if they've got a feelin' for their boss, 
 or if they can't abide 'im, their way of chippin' 
 'im is to stand and call 'im all manner of sweet 
 and tantalizin' words, same as they call to 
 babies and such, enough to drive any man wild, 
 if 'e was to believe 'em. But if they've got no 
 feelin' about their boss one way or other, they 
 don't say nothink at 'im, and don't get 'alf as 
 much work done. Only this 'appens as good as 
 never. 
 
 What part o' the world Sissero fust come 
 into, Gord only knows. 'E wasn't one o' them 
 thin, shiverin' niggers as crawl around in blue 
 cotton and turbans with their knees bent, and 
 look as if they was goin' to slip a knife into yer 
 back, or else tell yer some almighty secret, and 
 sometimes do a deal in raw walkin'-sticks. 
 Nor yet he wasn't one o' them greasy niggers 
 as mouch about, not feelin' nor sayin' nothink, 
 bein' made suitable to the wild beasts of their 
 native parts, as our teacher said don't so much 
 as wink 'owever 'ard yer give 'em what for. 
 But Sissero 'ad a mug almost as good as a white 
 'un to look at, only for its bein' black and shiny 
 like a top 'at. And another thing as showed 'e
 
 94 S/SSERO'S RETURN. 
 
 wasn't white same as us, was 'is bein' always 
 on the laugh. No matter for what 'e was doin' 
 or sayin', nor what sort of day it was, you'd 
 only got to look at Sissero and e'd start laughin'. 
 'E seemed to 'ave a kind of 'appiness always 
 brewin* and workin' inside of 'im, as if 'e was 
 just a-goin' to bust with it. And my mother 
 said it came of 'is 'avin' been so near born a 
 lower animal, same as a monkey. But all the 
 monkeys as ever I see, on organs and such, 
 didn't look purtikler 'appy, but mopy, same as 
 other grown-ups. 
 
 Any'ow, no matter for where he sprung from, 
 Sissero 'ad come to sail on one o' them there 
 little steamers tradin' from 'Amburg. And like 
 most niggers as takes to the sea, 'e was a 
 stoker, cos, bein' black, they can stand the 'eat 
 better, same as the devil. But for all 'is bein' 
 nothink only a stoker, the contractors would at 
 whiles put 'im on for boss, if there wasn't no- 
 body else 'andy, seein' as 'e was always so 
 obligin' to the women, and they kind o' liked to 
 'ave 'im laughin' around, and there was more 
 sport to be 'ad chippin' 'im, cos of 'is bein' so 
 black, and answerin' so funny. So bit by bit 
 'er as I'm tellin on got to look for 'is ship 
 comin' in and to be always kind o' waitin' for 
 it — a thing as she's 'ad plenty of practice in 
 since that time, and no mistake. 
 
 There aint no mortal sayin' 'ow it was she 
 first came to take up with a nigger, she bein' 
 very steady at the work, and not so bad to look 
 at, and very respectable brought up, for all 'er 
 red 'air. But in talkin' to my mother, she'd
 
 S/SSEHO'S RETURN. 95 
 
 used sometimes to tell 'ow Sissero 'ud come up 
 out o' the stoke-'ole, when the furnace was out, 
 and put on a clean blue shirt open down the 
 front, showing the great muscles on 'is chest, all 
 shiny and black as sin. And 'e was always 
 most remarkable clean when 'e wasn't workin', 
 either through a deal o' washin', or through the 
 dirt not showin' on 'im same as on white flesh, 
 and that's why it's good for slaves to be black. 
 So when 'e'd smartened 'isself up, 'e'd come 
 and stand be'ind 'er, and stroke 'er red 'air, and 
 in place of callin' 'er Ginger same as the others 
 'e called 'er Miss Sunshine, or Miss Guinea- 
 Gold, or Miss Butterfly's Wing. And then 'e'd 
 stand and laugh, till she and all the rest o' the 
 women 'ad to start laughin' to keep 'im com- 
 pany, and all about nothink only through feelin' 
 so 'appy. For 'e was always just about as 
 'appy as a man beginnin' to get, not exackly 
 drunk, but what yer might call a bit round the 
 corner, and the public is gettin' to 'ave a kind 
 o' look of Buckin'am Palace about it. And for 
 all that, Sissero didn't scarcely ever touch noth- 
 ink, but kep' 'isself as sober as Aldgate pump, 
 'e livin' very reg'lar on board 'is ship, and not 
 troublin' about girls to speak of neither, barrin' 
 only if 'e caught sight on that red 'air, no matter 
 for 'ow fer off, there wasn't no 'oldin' 'im but 'e 
 must run and stroke it. And any time o' day 
 as you passed 'is ship, you'd only got to sing 
 out, " What, Sambo ! " or Jumbo, and any other 
 enticin' word, and you'd see 'is black 'ead bob 
 up, and 'ear 'im start laughin' as if 'e was 
 worth five pound a week, and 'adn't never 'eard
 
 gt S/SSERO'S RETURN. 
 
 such a good joke in all 'is life. And maybe that's 
 one o' the causes yer liked 'im so, cos 'is laughin' 
 made yer think yer was so precious smart. 
 
 You may be sure there was a fine set-out 
 when it got known as Sissero and Ginger 'ad 
 started keepin' company. They was first seen 
 together round by the fish-market after dock- 
 hours, and then settin' of an evenin' on the 
 pier-'ead of Shadwell basin. And next time as 
 ever Sissero's ship put in, they went and took a 
 walk arm-in-arm right down the 'Ighway of a 
 Sunday afternoon ; 'e in 'is dark coat and light- 
 blue shirt and canvas trousers, and she all in 
 white, and nothink on 'er 'ead but 'er orange 
 'air, so as, if seen from the top winders, the 
 women said she looked like a poached egg. 
 Yer couldn't ever guess'^hich went most wild 
 on 'earin' it, the men or the women. But my 
 mother said it was the men, through none on 
 'em likin' a nigger to get the pull of 'em, not 
 even with Ginger, she bein' a nice enough girl 
 beside, always uncommon quiet and obligin', 
 just goin' about 'er business and never meddlin' 
 with nobody. I'll grant yer she wasn't purtikler 
 smart by way of feathers and stuffs, through 'er 
 'aving never been thought nothink of, and called 
 Ginger ; but some'ow she turned 'erself out 
 neater nor the ordinary, no matter for what 
 she 'ad on. And for all its freckles, her skin 
 looked some'ow as smooth and well-fittin' as a 
 drum-'ead. So all the men was wild, for all 
 they didn't exackly want 'er to theirselves. 
 And all the women was wild, for all they didn't 
 exackly want the nigger neither. But likin' to
 
 S/SSERO'S RETURN. 97 
 
 'ave 'im about, they aimed at keepin' of him 
 unmarried, same as old Spotter says all females 
 aims, on a kind of off-chance of goodness 
 knows what. So in the Dock, and up and down 
 the street, they kep* worryin' and goin' on at 
 Ginger, askin' what price a Darky, and if she 
 curled 'is 'air for 'im, and 'ow about that banjo. 
 And after a deal of goin' on, they 'it upon Mrs. 
 Simon as the proper person to carry a warnin', 
 she bein' fond o' speakin' serious. 
 
 So Mrs. Simon meets Ginger one afternoon 
 on 'er way 'ome from work, walkin' alone, same 
 as mostly. And she says : 
 
 " Look 'ere. Ginger, I'm come of my own 
 good will to present yer with a solemn warnin'. 
 And it's me as 'as a right to speak o' warnin's, 
 through knowin' so many women un'appy, and 
 my own man as good as a nigger as fer as the 
 look on 'im goes." 
 
 " Don't yer get sayin' nothink about niggers, 
 Mrs. Simon, or maybe yer '11 wish yerself 
 further," says Ginger, very quiet. 
 
 " I'm not a-goin' to say nothink of the sort 
 you think for," says Mrs. Simon. " But I'll 
 just put one question fair and straight to yer ; 
 and you take it as my solemn warnin'. And 
 it's this : Would yer like to see the Tower 
 'Amlets wake up one mornin' chock full o' little 
 niggers } Cos, if so, yer'e goin' about the right 
 way to do it." 
 
 " Shut it ! " says Ginger, gettin' a bit sharper. 
 " There aint no talk o' nothink o' that 'appenin', 
 I should *ope." 
 
 " Yus, yer'd hope ; that's just it," says Mrs.
 
 98 s/ssERO's return: 
 
 Simon. *' Now, mine says as 'e's read some- 
 wheres in 'is book : ' Do as yer'd be done by.' 
 And if we was all to start doin' same by you, 
 as you aim at doin' by us, I tell yer all London 
 'ud be black afore you'd 'ad time to turn round 
 and look. So that's my solemn warnin*, and I 
 leaves it to yer." 
 
 " And I'm much obliged to yer for it," says 
 Ginger, and shouts after : " And there's one 
 thing certain, Mrs. Simon, and I'll tell it yer to 
 yer 'ead, and that's as, black or not, my man 
 don't come off on my face when 'e kisses me, 
 same as yers seems to on yer face from the look 
 of it. Cos why, I've often tried, and many's 
 the time I'll try again, please Gord ! " 
 
 So, she 'avin' no mother, Ginger ran 'ome to 
 get 'er father's tea ready afore 'e come up from 
 'is work. And after that the women gave it 
 up as a bad job, and were only waitin' to see 
 their warnin' come true. And one tine day 
 Ginger and Sissero just went off, and set up 
 'ouse together. And from that moment till 'e 
 died, 'er father never took no more notice on 
 'er nor if she'd been dead and buried before 'im. 
 
 They lived in a room in Middle Shadwell 
 with some kind of a kitchin attached, did the 
 Sisseros. It was top-back, and three-and-six, 
 but Ginger chose it 'erself for its bein' 'alf-way 
 down the bit of 'ill leadin' to the river. So she 
 could set at the winder, and look over through 
 a gap in the fish-market right away to the 
 entrance of the Dock, and watch the ships and 
 barges comin' up the river beside. And she 
 knowin' about what time Sissero's boat was
 
 SISSERO'S RETURN. 99 
 
 due to arrive, and makin' allowance for the set 
 o' the tide, could mostly mark it on its way up 
 from Lime'ouse, if so 'appen she wasn't at 
 work in the Dock 'erself, and then run to the 
 pier-'ead to get the fust sound of 'is laugh afore 
 the draw-bridge swung round to let the steamer 
 into the Dock. And then she'd off back 'ome 
 agen to get everythink ready agen 'is comin' in 
 'ungry and 'appy in the evenin'. And the 
 other men, seein' 'er always look so decent and 
 cheerful 'urryin' up and down, started thinkin' 
 it wouldn't 'ave been so bad to 'ave a girl like 
 that, for all 'er red 'air, and thought to their- 
 selves what she wouldn't 'ave done for the 
 likes o' them, considerin' what she did for a 
 nigger, But some o' the women, by reason o' 
 the vessel being mostly a fortnight out and no 
 more nor a week at 'ome, kep' throwin' it up at 
 Ginger as she was only one part married out o' 
 three. And Mrs. Simon told 'er she'd as leave 
 'ave been married to a commercial gent at 
 Margate, as comes 'ome on Sunday evenin' and 
 is off on Monday mornin' with 'ardly time to 
 spit between. But Ginger only said there was 
 two things as it's better to 'ave too little of nor 
 too much — one was dirt, and the other was a 
 man. And not 'avin' nothink to say agen that, 
 Mrs. Simon only said she reckoned as Ginger 
 'ud soon 'ave less nor enough of one o' them 
 things ; but as to dirt, she didn't know nothink 
 about that 'erself, through leavin' it to others 
 to find out. And with that she cast 'er eye at 
 my mother. But my mother took no manner 
 o' notice, only for turnin' to talk to Ginger over
 
 lOO S/SSEJ?0'S RETURN. 
 
 the makin' o' babies' clo's, for all the world as 
 if Mrs. Simon didn't so much as count for a 
 livin' woman, through never 'avin 'ad cause to 
 make^ny at that time. 
 
 At first, acourse. Ginger went on with 'er 
 work in the Dock same as usual. But that 
 was put a stop to by *er first baby comin'. 
 And it was most extraordinary 'ow people 
 started makin' up to 'er, so as to get an early 
 look at that baby, What with runnin' back- 
 ward and forward to inquire, and takin' 
 round bits o' gruel and soup and packets o* 
 sugar, so as to make sure of bein' let in, it 'ud 
 'ave come cheaper to 'ave gone to the Zoo 
 straight off, and more to see for yer money. 
 But as to talkin', a baby elingphant couldn't 
 'ave give 'em more to say, for all Mrs. Simon 
 'eld out there wasn't nothink to be surprised at, 
 nor nothink as she 'adn't expected, black wool 
 on its 'ead and all, barrin' only it made 'er feel 
 a kind o' sinkin' when she turned up the sheets 
 from the bottom and caught a sight of the 
 creature's feet, and they was all darky, same as 
 its face. And if she'd 'ad 'er choice she'd sooner 
 'ave mothered the devil nor anythink else with 
 black feet. But Ginger said nothink ; only so 
 soon as she was up, she went back to work, 
 takin' the baby with 'er, and layin' it in a 'ole 
 she cleared out among the bottles. And so 
 she went on a bit, till the second started 
 comin'. And then Mrs. Simon says to my 
 mother : 
 
 " Speakin' for myself, Mrs. Britton, I really 
 shall 'ave to turn it up. The way these lower
 
 S/SS£J?0'S RETURN. lOI 
 
 classes do go on is somethink too awful to 
 think of." 
 
 It was a girl, this second ; darky, almost 
 same as the other, but some'ow with a kind o' 
 look o' Ginger on it. And by when it could 
 just about move itself, there came a sort o' red 
 shinin' all over its woolly 'air, if yer 'appened 
 to catch it sideways agen the light. And old 
 Spotter said the kid put 'im in mind of a mule 
 canary. And 'e told Ginger 'e'd never seen no 
 better cross in all 'is life. And she looked up 
 so sweet at 'im from where she was settin', I 
 almost thought she was goin' to kiss 'is weskit. 
 And very likely 'e wouldn't 'ave said nothink 
 agen it if she 'ad. O, but she was real proud 
 o' that second baby, keepin' on askin' everybody 
 if it wasn't almost as good as white, and whether 
 she couldn't pass it off for an Italian, same as an 
 organ-grinder. And whenever she see Mrs. 
 Simon comin' along that way, she'd stick out 
 the baby's feet from under its close, all to show 
 'ow white they was, for all nobody, barrin' only 
 'erself, couldn't make out much difference in 
 color, not to speak on, 'twix' this new one and 
 the fust. 
 
 When she got back to work again, through 
 'er not bein' able to take no more only the new- 
 born with 'er, she left the boy in care of a 
 neighbor, payin' 'er somethink by the day. 
 But by the end of a week the neighbor said 
 as she couldn't undertake 'im no longer, or else 
 must charge the same as for three, seein' as 'e 
 scared the other children away through bein' 
 black, and them as wasn't frightened kep' on
 
 I02 S/SS£J^O'S RETURN. 
 
 prickin' at 'im with pins to see whether 'e'd 
 bleed red or what. So Ginger just turned up 
 'er work and stayed at 'ome with 'er children. 
 And when Sissero put into Dock again, she says 
 nothink about the boy bein' made game of 
 through bein' black, but told 'im she wasn't 
 strong enough to go on with the work no more, 
 seein' as she 'ad to stand up all the time ; but 
 must find out some other ways o' makin the 
 money. 
 
 And 'e says : 
 
 " Now don't yer be troublin' yer sunny 'ead 
 about the money, darlin'. I'll make the double 
 on it as easy as kiss yer, and then I'll love yer 
 twice as much — cos why, yer '11 be twice as ex- 
 pensive." 
 
 And with that 'e laughed till the very babies 
 on the bed started laughin' in company. 
 
 Anybody would 'ave thought as 'e only said 
 it of a purpose to please 'er, cos it was 'is fust 
 evenin' at 'ome after bein' away. But the queer 
 thing was as 'e says the very same next mornin'. 
 And not only says, but goes right off and 
 changes into a British Injer, where' e'd get 
 twice the money, but be kep' at sea sometimes 
 three months, sometimes six or more, without 
 cominl 'ome at all. So 'e sailed away in a 
 mighty big steamer, startin' from the Albert 
 Dock this time, and Ginger she stopped at 
 'ome with what money 'e'd left, and what she 
 could borrer in advance. And after the fust 
 voyage 'e came back all right, and brought 'er 
 a fine 'eap of earnin's. And she took and 'id 
 some in the beddin' and some under a glass
 
 S/SSERO'S RETURN. IO3 
 
 ornament on the chimbley-piece. So 'e went 
 away agen to get more, and she didn't never cry 
 to speak on, but just went about as if 'alf the 
 life 'ad gone out of 'er body. 
 
 Now the queer part of it all came in cos that 
 there street 'ad a Sheeny rent-collector. And 'e 
 was like the rest o' Sheenies in aimin' to make 
 money without doin' no work, and unlike the 
 rest o* Sheenies in not keepin 'isself to 'isself. 
 'E was a rare 'un to talk, more especial with 
 women, and it's my belief 'e'd turned rent-col- 
 lector, not so much for savin' 'isself doin' work, 
 as to get carryin' on with the women on Mon- 
 day mornin's, their men bein' gone out to think 
 over startin' work again after the Sunday. 'E 
 always wore a top-'at and a check coat with a 
 glove on 'is left 'and, and shiny boots runnin' up 
 to a point, same as if 'e'd got no more nor one 
 toe. And when 'e knocked at the door, and 
 stood there takin' off 'is 'at and 'oldin' 'is silver 
 pen in one 'and ready to dip in the little ink- 
 bottle tied to 'is weskit-button, no wonder as 
 females thought at fust 'e was somebody come 
 for the votes, like a Member o' Parliament or 
 somethink o' that. Any'ow 'e made 'isself un- 
 common pleasant to Mrs. Sissero, and 'ud talk 
 all manner to 'er darky kids, callin' 'em rose- 
 buds and other silliness. And 'e bought a neck- 
 tie as near as might be the color o' Ginger's 
 'air, and 'e'd used to say 'e 'oped she admired 
 it, cos it was 'is favorite color, only 'e never 
 couldn't get it bright enough. But at last, 
 Sissero bein' then away on 'is fust long voyage, 
 that Sheeny must 'ave tried on somethink as
 
 I04 S/SSEJ?0'S RETURN. 
 
 made Ginger fair wild, for she wasn't the sort 
 to fly out about nothink, and this is what she 
 did. She just waited till 'e'd got downstairs 
 after collectin 'er rent, and then she goes to the 
 front winder in the passage, and whiles 'e was 
 shuttin' the door and lookin' in 'is book to see 
 what was 'is next call, she empties a bucket o' 
 slops fair over 'is top-'at and check suit and all, 
 she 'avin' just done scourin' out 'er rooms, and 
 the water bein' still nicely warm and full as it 
 could stick of soap and dirt. 
 
 Then she goes back and gives 'er children 
 their dinners, and says not one word more 
 about it to mortal soul. Only after that, when- 
 ever she 'ears the Sheeny comin' upstairs of a 
 Monday mornin', she locks the door, and shps 
 the three-and-six and 'er rent-book under it. 
 And the Sheeny just signs the book, and dursn't 
 do nothink else, through bein' frightened for 'is 
 life of gettin' another duckin', and 'avin' to buy 
 another second-'and top-'at up the Spank. 
 
 Now, any decent-minded man like my father 
 or old Timmo would 'ave gone and broke the 
 door in, and either got kicked out 'isself, or 
 been asked to stop to tea, just accordin' to the 
 state o' the woman's feelin' at the time. But 
 that aint the Sheeny way. There aint no such 
 man to wait as a Sheeny. That's likely the 
 cause why, when they started out from Egyp' 
 a long*time back, it took 'em forty year to cover 
 a bit o' ground as our teacher said any common 
 crowd, to say nothink o' fightin' men, ought to 
 'ave covered in forty weeks, let alone forty days ; 
 and our teacher was a lance-corporal in the
 
 SISS£I?0'S RETURN. IO5 
 
 Fust Tower 'Amiets. But the truth is, as 
 Sheenies, not reckonin' their bein' uncommon 
 bad at walkin' and takin' exercise, fair love to 
 keep on waitin' and waitin', till the thing as 
 they're aimin' at just drops into their mouths. 
 
 So that Sheeny waited, pickin' up the rent 
 reg'lar every week, and signin' the book. And 
 so it went on till Sissero 'ad started out on 'is 
 second voyage, and been away three months or 
 more. And then one Monday mornin 'e found 
 no rent put out nor no book to sign. So 'e 
 knocks, but nobody didn't answer. And next 
 week it was same again ; and the week after 'e 
 slips a notice to quit under the door, and goes 
 away and waits. And the next Sunday night 
 after it was dark, Mrs. Sissero comes round to 
 my mother, carryin' one nigger child and luggin' 
 the other along. And she says to my mother : 
 
 " Mrs. Britton, "is ship's been in these three 
 days, and 'im not in it, and me under notice." 
 
 " And I'm sorry in my soul to 'ear it," says 
 my mother, " for all not 'avin no cause to be, 
 seein' as yer can't say I didn't warn yer. It '11 
 be somethink black 'e's after now. For black's 
 in the blood, and it's blood as tells, as old Spot- 
 ter says." 
 
 " Mrs. Britton," she says, " yer've no cause 
 to speak like that, you not knowin' my man 
 same as what I does. But tell us, what shall I 
 do ? " 
 
 " Well," says my mother, tryin' to seem 
 cheerful, "yer might 'old out a week or two 
 with puttin' yer things away, and by then 
 p'r'aps 'e'll turn up."
 
 I06 S/SSERO'S RETURN. 
 
 " Put 'em away already," she says, " only for 
 what me and the children stand up in." 
 
 And it's like enough my mother knowed 
 that, seein' as Ginger 'ad got on a long coat 
 down to 'er 'eels ; and so soon as a woman 
 takes to a long coat, it's sure there aint never 
 much left underneath. 
 
 " Couldn't yer go back to work? " says my 
 mother ; " that's as good a way o' bringin' in 
 money as any I knows." 
 
 " Gone back already," says she, " and one- 
 and-six a day's all I can make at it, through 
 me bein' pulled down by reason of the baby, 
 and never rightly gettin' over it. And what 
 with three-and-six for rent, and 'aving to buy 
 coal by the penn'orth, and payin' the care- 
 taker extry to mind the boy, and gettin' soap 
 and that to clean ourselves, it's no manner o' 
 good to make out yer can live a life v^orth 
 callin' on nothink but two bob a week for yer- 
 self and two children to eat, and the baby be- 
 ginnin' to 'unger after solids." 
 
 " Then yer must shift into a cheaper room," 
 says my mother. " You'll likely get one 'ere- 
 abouts or in Buildin's for eighteenpence. Then 
 you'd 'ave somethink over sixpence to eat for 
 every day in the week. And that's plenty for 
 three mouths I should 'ope, two on 'em small." 
 
 Then Ginger sat sayin' nothink for a long 
 time, but kep' on strokin' at the baby's curly 
 nut, and lookin' sideways to catch the kind o' 
 red shinin' on it. 
 
 " Yus, Mrs. Britton," she says at last, " it's 
 only nature for yer to be sayin' that. But I
 
 S/SSEKO'S RETURN. I07 
 
 can't bring myself to it. I tell yer, I'd sooner 
 die nor do it. That's the room 'as 'e fust took 
 me to, and that's where 'e always came back, 
 knowin' I'd be standin' at the door and waitin' 
 till 'e got to the top o' them stairs. And when 
 'e comes back again, and finds me gone, what's 
 a man such as 'im to do } 'Ow's 'e goin' to 
 set about findin' me, 'im as is so innercent, and 
 all the people 'avin' a game with 'im, cos 'e 
 aint so white as some is, and tellin' 'im as 
 there's plenty other red-'aired girls in the 
 world. And that's true enough, and that's the 
 worst on it, for all there's maybe none so red 
 as me. But 'e'd easy enough get 'old on one 
 o' them girls, for, yer see, when a girl's been 
 nothink but laughed at all 'er life, she'll just 
 fall down and wuship the fust man as beats 'er, 
 and stamps on 'er chest, and pulls 'er in 'alves, 
 and does everythink only don't laugh at 'er. 
 Not as mine 'as ever laid a 'and on me, 'is 
 manner o' makin' love bein' different. No, 
 Mrs. Britton ; yer may say what yer like agen 
 me, but I'll be burnt alive afore I leave 
 my 'ome, and I wonder at yer for talkin' 
 of it." 
 
 " Then it aint no good for me speakin' no 
 more," says my mother, standin' up. " Only 
 there's one thing I'd like to say, talkin' of red 
 'air. I've 'eard tell, for all nobody wouldn't 
 believe it, as red 'air 'as a good sellin' price, by 
 reason of so few of us 'avin' got it, thank the 
 Lord ! Now, I'll lay that 'air on yer 'ead 
 reaches down to Gord knows where, and it's 
 the one thing yer've got left as 'ud sell. Why,
 
 I08 SJSS£J?0'S RETURN. 
 
 it 'ud pay yer rent for a month, and by that 
 maybe 'e'U be ashore again." 
 
 "Mrs. Britton," says Ginger, looking very 
 white in the face, and takin' up the children to 
 go away. " I dunno for why it was as yer 
 'usband fust liked j^«, but mine liked me all 
 along o' that same red 'air o' mine. And, so 
 'elp me! I'd sooner sell my own soul and yers 
 into the bargain nor part with one single inch 
 of it for money. So it's no good for us talkin', 
 thankin' yer all the same." 
 
 So she goes back to 'er room to keep watchin' 
 out for 'er 'usband, as never came. And next 
 day bein' Monday, it seems as the Sheeny col- 
 lector, comin' round to serve 'er with the second 
 notice, found the door wide open, and walked 
 in smilin', takin' off 'is new top-at. And afore 
 'e comes out again, 'e'd signed the book for 
 three-and-six received that week and all the 
 arrears as well. And so it went on, Monday 
 after Monday, the book gettin' signed as reg'lar 
 as if Ginger 'ad been an army-pensioner or a 
 lady with money of 'er own. And the rest o' 
 the week she went about 'er work same as 
 usual, but never laughin' nor yet answerin' back 
 when the other women chipped 'er. Only with 
 'er always keepin' one eye on the river, in 'opes 
 'er man might come back the old way, and turn- 
 in' round to stare at every steamer as put into 
 dock, she some'ow got to 'ave the look of a 
 curly Newfoundland bitch as I once see with 
 stones and things tied to 'er, and they was just 
 goin' to 'eave 'er over the dock-bridge, and she 
 kep' lookin' round to see if 'er old master wasn't
 
 S/SS£2iO'S RETURN. IO9 
 
 comin' along. So Ginger just dragged about 
 from week to week, showin' no more spirit, only 
 for once when Mrs. Simon met 'er comin' back 
 from work, and says : 
 
 " I do 'ear, my dear, as yer'e uncommon 
 partial to furreigners still. And all I says is as 
 yer'e quite right to make no manner o' differ- 
 ence between 'em all. A furreigner's a fur- 
 reigner, no matter whether nigger or Sheeny, 
 and there aint no tellin' one from another, 
 even by daytime, nor no need to." 
 
 " You dare call my man a furreigner ! " says 
 Ginger, turnin' sharp on 'er as if to break 'er 
 jaw. 
 
 " 'It me, my dear ! 'it me, do 'e now," says 
 Mrs. Simon, backin' out into the road pretty 
 quick ; " there's many a worser thing as some 
 women we know 'as to put up with nor bein' 
 'it." 
 
 But at that Ginger just dropped 'er arms down 
 like a Volunteer standin' at ease, and goes up 
 the bit of 'ill to 'er 'ome without a word, lookin' 
 as limp as a bit o' cotton. And so it went on 
 maybe for six or seven month. And the darky 
 kids kep' growin' bigger, and swelHn' over with 
 fat, and their 'air curlin' like buffaloes. And to 
 see 'er feedin' of 'em and carryin' on, you'd 'ave 
 thought she'd got nothink else to do all day 
 long, more especial with the youngest, the one 
 she liked best, as I said, through thinkin' it 
 almost as good as white. 
 
 So she 'ad 'er book signed reg'lar, and kep' 
 'er room nice, and started buyin' back 'er things 
 bit by bit. And then all on a sudden the
 
 no S/SS£J?0'S RETURN. 
 
 Sheeny left off comin', and for three weeks 'e 
 never so much as brought the book. But on 
 the fourth week 'e goes up again, and knocks 
 at the door, for all it was standin' wide open to 
 'im, and when Ginger comes 'e says : 
 
 " Very sorry, Mrs. Sissero, but the landlord 
 says 'e can't keep a tenant as doesn't pay rent no 
 longer, and yer must either pay down for the 
 month or go. So 'ere's yer notice, and I wish 
 yer good-mornin'." 
 
 With that 'e rammed the paper into 'er 'and, 
 took off 'is top-'at, and went downstairs. And 
 I can picture to myself the grin as 'e 'ad on 'is 
 face as 'e looked away from 'er, where she stood 
 leanin' agen the wall, too dazed to say one 
 single word. Some women would 'ave flown 
 out at 'im, and cursed all down the street, 
 screamin' after 'im 'ow 'e 'ad treated 'er, for all 
 the neighbors to 'ear. But some'ow, I s'pose, 
 Ginger felt too bad. She didn't even think of 
 emptyin' slops over 'im same as before. There 
 wasn't only but one thing for a woman like 
 Ginger to do, and that was to slip a carvin'- 
 knife into 'is oily body. But she, 'avin' none in 
 'er 'and, did nothink at all; only stood and 
 stared at nothink. But the eldest darky kid 
 runs out, and says : 
 
 " Aint the nice gen'leman comin' in to-day 
 to set with us a bit, and show me 'is tick-tick } " 
 
 And the next week neither no nice Sheeny 
 didn't come, nor never agen, but a stony old 
 collector, as made no fuss, but served the 
 notices, and put in the brokers, and sold all up, 
 and turned Ginger and 'er babies out into the
 
 S/SSEJiO'S RETURN. HI 
 
 Street without makin' no remark, 'e bein' 
 'ardened to the job, and taking it all in the 
 day's work, same as yer sweep out fleas. So 
 Ginger comes to my mother agen, as is the 
 way with most people when there aint nothink 
 else to do, and we puts up all three on 'em for 
 that night in front of our kitchen fire. And 
 next mornin', me comin' into the room early to 
 get a bit o' breakfast on my way to work, I 
 shan't never forget 'ow queer they looked. 
 Ginger 'ad set a darky on each side of 'er, one 
 wrapped in 'er skirt and the other in 'er coat. 
 And she was layin' on the 'earth-rug in the 
 middle, covered 'alfway up with our table-cloth. 
 And all 'er red 'air was loose and 'eaped about 
 over the boards, and the darkies' 'eads was 
 mixed up in it. And the sun comin' through 
 'oles in the winder-blind made it shine like 
 somethink worth the 'avin'. But in the middle 
 of it all 'er face was as pale as a dead woman's 
 at a wake. And there was a kind o' peaceful 
 look on it, same as on Florrie Branton when we 
 went to see 'er in the 'orspital, and 'er leg 'ad 
 been took off, and it was all over and done 
 with. 
 
 Next day my mother went bail with our land- 
 lord, and got 'er one o' the top rooms in the 
 same 'ouse with us at eighteen-pence, for all 
 the natural rent bein' one-and-nine. So there 
 she lived with 'er two kids, keepin' 'erself very 
 quiet, and never stoppin' to talk beyond just an- 
 swerin' with a civil word and a bit of a smile, if 
 anybody spoke 'er kind, as wasn't often. For the 
 women leastways used to make out as they felt
 
 *II2 SISSEHO'S RETURN. 
 
 the Sheeney stickin' in their throats, and stop- 
 pin' 'em from sayin' anythink when they went 
 to speak to 'er. And mostly all day long she 
 was at 'er work, and often 'er own father 'ud 
 pass 'er in the dock, and 'e not so much as look 
 at 'er. But in the evenin', as reg'lar as the 
 clock, the minute she'd 'ad her tea, away back 
 she went to 'er old 'ouse, and set down on the 
 doorstep, the very same place where she'd 
 swilled the Sheeny, and just waited hour after 
 hour till everybody 'ad gone to bed, and the 
 lights in the winders 'ad been put out one by 
 one. And nobody never raised no objection 
 to 'er settin' there, cos they knowed she was 
 waitin' for 'er man comin' 'ome. In summer 
 time she used to take the two kids with 'er, and 
 they'd play in the dust or go to sleep, as con- 
 venient to theirselves. But in winter she put 
 'em to bed, leavin' the door open so as my 
 mother could listen for 'em yellin', and 'erself 
 always went and set on that doorstep, for all 
 the cold bein' sometimes enough to freeze 'er 
 tight to it, like a lighter stuck up in the ice. 
 
 When she'd gone on like that for some time, 
 acourse nobody said nothink more about it, be- 
 yond sayin' as she was goin' a bit queer. But 
 what made us know she was real dotty was a 
 notion she took to pay off all 'er arrears to the 
 landlord of 'er old 'ome from the very time when 
 the Sheeny started signin' for nothink in purtik- 
 ler. And this is 'ow she set about. There 
 was a friend of 'ers as worked at piecin' flags to- 
 gether for a big firm in the City, and they paid 
 'er fivepence for doin' each large flag, same as
 
 S/SSEI?0'S RETURN. 113 
 
 a Jack or a ship's pennon, as reached across 'er 
 room many times over. And about that time, 
 seein' as somebody of the Royal Family was 
 goin' to 'ave 'is dinner in the City, or somethink 
 o' that, this friend 'ad got more work nor she 
 could get through with. So she sublets to Gin- 
 ger at thruppence a flag, stickin' to the spare 
 twopence for the good will. And on fine nights 
 Ginger worked at the flags on that doorstep, 
 usin' the street lamps when the evenin's closed 
 in too dark to see by. And she got so artful at 
 it that the work stuck to 'er, and one way and 
 another she put by a shillin' a week to pay off 
 'er arrears. So she took and left the money at 
 the landlord's in a bit of newspaper once a 
 month, never tellin' 'er name nor nothink be- 
 yond sayin' it was 'er arrears. And what I'd 
 like to know is 'ow that landlord contrived to 
 live through 'is surprise when 'e got 'em. 
 
 'Er bein' so dotty about those same arrears 
 acourse kep' er room very bare. There wasn't 
 nothink in it to speak on, bar only a picture of 
 a mountain bustin' itself out with fire over the 
 sea as 'ad been a special fancy with Sissero, cos 
 there was somethink almighty about it. But 
 outside that, she 'adn't got only a chair and a 
 table. She'd so much as sold the bed, and the 
 mattress was 'eaped in one corner on the floor, 
 and for beddin' she mostly used them flags she 
 was workin' at, coverin' 'em over in newspapers 
 to keep 'em clean. And many's the time, me 
 goin' up with 'er late to give 'er a light when 
 she'd come in from waitin' for 'er man, I've seen 
 the two little darkies curled up together under
 
 114 SISS£J?0'S RETURN. 
 
 3. Union Jack or the flag with Hons and iron 
 railin'-tops on it, and I've thought on what our 
 teacher 'ad used to tell us about the flag o' the 
 Empire standin' for a sign o' purtection to all 
 the different kinds o' people round the world ; 
 for all that a good blanket would no doubt 'ave 
 been warmer, but not so cheap at the price. 
 But there was always one thing as Ginger didn't 
 never stint 'erself in, and that was food. 
 
 " It's all very well, Mrs. Britton," she'd say to 
 my mother; "but where's the good of all as I've 
 done, if 'e only comes 'ome and finds me turned 
 as lean and ugly as Mrs. Simon, and 'e never 
 one o' them as 'as a fancy for dry bones .^ " 
 
 So there wasn't no change to speak on for 
 nigh on two year, barrin' only the little darkies 
 kep' growin' bigger, and Ginger more 'appy- 
 lookin', cos she said the longer 'er waitin' 
 lasted, the nearer she must be to the end on it. 
 And whether with this or somethink else, there 
 came a look on 'er as made 'er seem kind o' 
 different. And I've 'card the women say as she 
 was gettin' almost as decent-lookin' as any of 
 'em. And as for the men, there was plenty 
 willin' to take 'er now, babies and all, through 
 'avin a kind of an interest in the way she'd been 
 goin' on. And one on 'em, 'avin lost 'is wife 
 some weeks earlier, makes bold to go up to 'er 
 and offer to take 'er on till Sissero came 'ome, 
 and then give 'er up again ; or to keep 'er for 
 good and all, if 'e didn't never come 'ome. But 
 she just laughed, and told 'im it wasn't 'ardly 
 worth while makin' no change for the little bit 
 of 'er waitin' time as was left, but thankin' 'im
 
 S/SS£J?0'S RETURX. 115 
 
 for 'is kindness, as she was willin' to be grateful 
 for. 
 
 And so at the last, one Saturday night, just 
 afore that Chris'mus-time I was tellin' on, my 
 father was comin' 'ome from 'is Trade Union 
 Lodge, and I'd met with 'im after watchin' the 
 gamblin' at the end of the Stag and Bull stairs 
 leading down to the river, and on a sudden we 
 'ear a noise comin' along our street more like 
 the neighin' of a 'orse nor nothink else, and my 
 father cops me by the arm, and says : 
 
 " Gord love us ! I aint never 'card no man 
 but one as could make a noise same as that ! " 
 
 And sure enough, there comin' down the 
 middle o' the street was Sissero, kind o' walkin' 
 sideways, 'avin' one arm round Ginger's neck 
 and the other round 'er waist in front, and all 
 the time kissin' at 'er most shameful, as if 'e 
 couldn't never get enough of 'er, and not lookin' 
 where 'e was walkin' to, but lookin' only in 'er 
 face, and now and then burstin' out laughin', as 
 I said. But Ginger she didn't laugh, nor say 
 nothink ; only walked straight on, lookin' in 
 front of 'er almost the same as if she'd been 
 asleep, bar sometimes she kissed 'im back so 
 'ard on the mouth 'e 'ad to stop 'is laughin'. 
 And some'ow 'e'd loosened 'er red 'air, and it 
 'ad all fell down so as pretty nigh to cover 'em 
 both over. 
 
 So my father stood back to let 'em pass up 
 through our doorway, and 'e fetches the nigger 
 one on the shoulder, and says : 
 
 " What, Sissero ! 'Ere's luck ! " 
 
 But Sissero took no manner o' notice, no
 
 Il6 S/SSEHO'S RETURN. 
 
 more nor a fly, 'e only keepin' on kissin' the 
 woman. And she just put out one 'and, and 
 kind o' touched my father's. And I never see 
 'im turn red afore nor since. So them two 
 went to the bottom o' the stairs, and then 
 Sissero just tightened 'is arms round 'er, and 
 carried 'er right up to the top o the 'ouse, same 
 as yer'd carry a little baby. 
 
 And when we went in, and told my mother, 
 she was near on cryin', and she says : 
 
 " Lord love 'er ! if I'd been 'er, I'd 'ave been 
 willin' to wait twenty year for such a night, bar 
 only for 'is bein' black — or even black and all." 
 
 You lay there was a rare turn-up in our front 
 room next day, bein' Sunday, so soon as the 
 word went round as Sissero 'ad come 'ome. 
 And for once most people seemed to be kind of 
 agreed to be pleased about it. Only the queer 
 part was as for nigh on eighteen month nobody 
 'adn't said never a word regardin' that there 
 Sheeny man, but now all the women started 
 talkin' about 'im straight off, the men standin' 
 at the door, and shakin' their 'eads, and spittin'. 
 And some says one thing, and some another, 
 but mostly they 'ad turned agen Ginger now 'as 
 she was 'appy again, only for Mrs. Sullivan and 
 one or two others stickin' out there wasn't no 
 'arm done, she bein' druv to it from necessity 
 and not from 'er choice. And soon they was 
 in a fair way to tear each other in pieces, let 
 alone Ginger. But on a sudden Mrs. Simon up 
 and says : 
 
 " All I've got to say is as she's a disgrace to 
 our sex, and it's nothink but right as 'er lawful
 
 S/SS£JiO'S RETURN. 117 
 
 'usband should know it. So it's me as is goin' 
 to tell 'im, and this blessed day as ever is." 
 
 " And if yer do, my dear," says Mrs. Sullivan, 
 " I'll just break yer jaw for yer this blessed 
 night." 
 
 " Yus," says Lina, " and I'll just take that 
 bloomin' little baby o' yern, and ram it in a 
 sack along of all yer cats, and drownd the 
 bloomin' lot." 
 
 "Go it, Lina ! Good old Lina!" said the 
 men, all laughin' and lookin' at each other. 
 And it was likely there'd be fair bloodshed, 
 when my mother starts sayin' : 
 
 " Mrs. Simon might very well be right enough 
 in what she says, if we was dealin' with an 
 ordinary man same as other people. I'm not 
 sayin' nothink about that. But the thing we've 
 got to deal with is a nigger, and 'e bein' black 
 makes a difference. Cos, as fer as I make out, 
 them as is black aint by no means purtikler. 
 And that's cause why gentlefolks sends 'em 
 missions and such for the purpose o' makin' 
 'em more purtikler — same as they sends 'em at 
 us, through thinkin* we aint purtikler enough 
 neither. But that aint the truth, as Mrs. Simon 
 knows very well." 
 
 So that kind o' settled it, and it was agreed 
 as nobody shouldn't let out nothink about the 
 Sheeny, but leave it to Ginger to speak if she 
 wanted. 
 
 " And 'er not one to talk uncalled for, no 
 more nor me," said Mrs. Crips. 
 
 " Well," said old Spotter, " all I can learn 
 from this 'ere talk of Sheenies and niggers is
 
 Il8 S/SS£BO'S RETURN. 
 
 what I've said all along, as it's blood as tells. 
 The nigger's a nigger, and the Sheeny's a son 
 o' Jacob, 'im as I was learned about in my 
 school days down in Devon. Eh, I can 'ear 
 old Jacob sayin' to that Sheeny : ' Well done, 
 my son ! Yer'e a true child o' vc(\Xit,yoii are ! ' 
 And mind you, as fer as I know, Jacob was the 
 very fust as understood the meanin' o' blood 
 and breedin'." 
 
 With that old Simon moved to go, lookin' as 
 fierce as was in 'im to look, and that was about 
 the same as a sheep lookin' at a dorg. And 'e 
 says : 
 
 " It's the Chosen People as ye're speakin' on, 
 you just bear that in mind. And it's written 
 they shall possess the earth, so it aint no good 
 for you talkin'." 
 
 " Yus," says old Spotter, " and it seems like 
 enough they will possess the earth, anyways the 
 Tower 'Amlets. But as for bein' chosen, there 
 aint many 'ud choose 'em agen, in these days 
 any'ow." 
 
 So when Sissero comes down the stairs in 
 the afternoon, just about as the lamps was bein' 
 lighted, we all stood there ready to wish 'im 
 luck, and shake 'ands with 'im, and give over 
 disputin'. And 'e seemed to be runnin' over 
 with 'appiness at every inch of 'is body, and I 
 couldn't for the life of me tell which was whiter, 
 'is teeth or 'is eyes. So 'e stood there laughin' 
 and talkin', tellin' us 'ow 'e'd got stuck up in 
 China nigh on two year through missin' 'is ship, 
 and then couldn't get no ship to take him off, 
 but 'ad been forced to work on a rice plantation
 
 S/SSEJ^O'S RETURN. ' IIQ 
 
 and 'ad lived all the time with a Chinee girl, till 
 at last 'e'd managed to slip off in a British Injer 
 ship again, and so 'ad worked his passage 'ome 
 in course o' time. 
 
 " And now there aint nothink only one bad 
 thing in it all," 'e says, " and that's as them 
 two child'en of ours upstairs they start 'owlin' 
 and yellin' so soon as they set eyes on me, cos 
 of me bein' so black. And them my very own 
 child'en, as any bloke can see for 'isself by 
 only lookin' at 'em — as whose else should they 
 be, I'd like to know ? " 
 
 And with that 'e starts off laughin' again, 
 enough to bring the 'ouse down.
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 Xittle Scott^. 
 
 ?1'VE told before this 'ow no woman 
 down our way isn't a patch on Mrs. 
 Macrae for keepin' 'erself clean. The 
 rest don't love 'er none the better for 
 that, and keep throwin' it up at 'er as she's got 
 nothink to look after only one boy of a grand- 
 son, so can chuck away money on a deal of 
 washin' and scrubbin' such as most people can't 
 run to. But as to 'er bein' clean, all on 'em 
 give in on that, there bein' no denyin' it. 'Er- 
 self is always dressed in black, barrin' an edgin' 
 of widder's cap runnin' all round 'er face, and 
 shinin' with whiteness. And the floorin' of 'er 
 two rooms shines the same, and the ceilin's 
 and winders and walls. 'Er place always looks 
 just the model of a Sheeny Kosher-room in 
 Easter-week ; only old Spotter says them 
 Sheenies aint kosher only at Passover-time, 
 but Mrs. Macrae, she's kosher allover-time. 
 For there's nobody livin' ever found a speck o' 
 dirt anywheres in 'er place, not so much as a 
 smear of mustard on the table-cloth. 
 
 Not as 'ow 'er room was to be called stylish, 
 it 'avin' no ornaments, nor stuffed birds, nor 
 memorial cards. And there wasn't only two
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 121 
 
 pictures — one of Christ tellin' the sea to 'old 
 its noise, and the other of 'Im raisin up a 
 widder's son. And there wasn't nothink else 
 to see in the room only a big clock tickin'. 
 And round its face was written : " This is 
 Time. What is Eternity.'*" And yet, for all 
 its bein' so bare, my mother 'ad used to say 
 there wasn't no place so restin', and to 'ave a 
 set down there and listen to the clock tickin' 
 on and on without no purtikler sense was the 
 kind o' rest she supposed some aims at gettin' 
 by goin' to places o' worship and listenin' to 
 the preachin'. But Mrs. Simon pertended to 
 make out as the old woman only 'eld 'erself so 
 clean and decent for the purpose of keepin' 
 well in with the parsons, seein' as 'er way of 
 making 'er money was by cleanin' two chapels, 
 a school, and the church lookin' over the dock. 
 But there is people as must always be sayin' 
 somethink, and Mrs. Simon seemed some'ow 
 to find this purtikler way of sayin' things very 
 soothin'. 
 
 And speakin' of churches, I call to mind 'ow 
 at one time two well-turned-out bosses — elders 
 or somethink of that in a chapel — come and ask 
 Mrs. Macrae 'ow she could bring 'erself to help 
 clean a church as wasn't a chapel. And they 
 give 'er the choice of turning up the church or 
 gettin' the sack from the chapel. So she 'card 
 'em to the end, and then she tells 'em to do as 
 they like, seein' er conscience was clear, dirt 
 bein' dirt, no matter for where. 
 
 " Ye see," she says, speakin' in 'er queer kind 
 of way, " na doubt ye canna help things being
 
 122 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 dirrty hereabout, that bein' only the visible sign 
 o' the natural heathenness o' this people. The 
 idolatries o' this people go to my hearrt, indeed 
 they do. But flat Papists 'ud be none the waur 
 for a wash, images and priests and a'. The 
 verry idols in heathen lands are so much the 
 waur for the dirrt that's on 'em : even as the 
 heart o' man, which calls for a cleansin* more 
 precious. And as concerns this church, what 
 if I feel a sort o' lovin' kindness toward it, for 
 the cause that it's the last sign o' God's grace 
 the sailors tak' with 'em when they put out to 
 their business in the deep } Nay, sirs, I'm no 
 the woman to go whorin' after idols for the sake 
 o' gain." 
 
 So the elders backed out, and she kep' 'er 
 work, they knowin' well enough there wasn't 
 such another cleaner at the money. And why 
 she'd such a feelin' for sailors was most likely 
 cos 'er own 'usband 'ad been drownded at sea, 
 and then she'd come to London with 'er son, 
 as 'ad been a fisherman too, but turned mis- 
 sioner, and married a Poplar girl, and was 
 drownded within the year, preachin' to the 
 fisherman away off Yarmouth. And so the 
 girl, gettin' to 'ear of 'is death, was took worse 
 over 'er baby, and left Mrs. Macrae alone in the 
 world with nothink but the kid to bear her 
 company, and 'e fresh to every think. 
 
 But company or not to 'er, 'e grew up to be 
 rare company to everybody else, did little Scotty, 
 as 'is real name was Ben, that not standin' for 
 Benjamin, but Benoni, as is the Scotch way of 
 sayin' it. So soon as 'e could walk, 'is gran'-
 
 LITTLE SCOT TV. 123 
 
 mother sends 'im to the same school with me, 
 but me bein' older we didn't set together, and 
 when I'd got up to the third Standard, 'e was 
 still at threadin' beads and goin' to sleep with 
 the infants. But from the start there was 
 always somethink queer about 'im, so as yer 
 couldn't but notice it. One thing, 'e didn't 
 never come till after religion was over, 'is gran"- 
 mother learnin' 'im that at 'ome, she sayin' she 
 looked at the streets Sundays and week-days, 
 and judged our religion by its fruits, same as 
 'er book told 'er to. And another thing, for all 
 'is bein' kep' so clean and turned out decent, 'e 
 never wore neither shoes nor stockin's, but went 
 barefoot same as any ragged child as 'as got 
 drinkin' at 'ome. And once 'e said to the 
 teacher : " Yus, I'd be glad enough to wear 
 'em, but my gran'm.other says she won't 'ave 'er 
 own son's son brought up to wanton like a 
 fatted calf." 
 
 With that, the teacher give a kind o' laugh, 
 and walked away. And what did little Scotty 
 do but give just the same kind o' laugh, and 
 walk along be'ind 'im with 'is bare feet, doin' 
 the same as the teacher did, givin' the same 
 little jerks with 'is 'ead at each step. But all 
 the time yer could see as 'e wasn't after makin' 
 game o' the teacher, but just did it 'cos 'e 
 couldn't 'elp it, 'e not winkin' at us, nor laughin', 
 but after a bit just walkin' off alone without so 
 much as lookin' round. So it came to be the 
 reg'lar game in 'is Standard to send 'im up to 
 clean the black-board, or 'elp stick up the pic- 
 tures of objick-lesson. 'E'd do everythink the
 
 124 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 same as the teacher was doin' it, either puttin' 
 a pencil in 'is mouth, or stickin' a thumb in 'is 
 weskit pocket, or just scratchin' 'is 'ead afore 
 'e started doin' anythink. And there the 'ole 
 class 'ud be settin' ready to die with tryin' to 
 'old theirselves from laughin'. But Scotty never 
 thought o' laughin 'isself. 'E never so much as 
 smiled, only when 'e was imitatin' somebody, 
 and then it wasn't 'im as was smilin', but the 
 other party. So the thing to do, 'im gettin' a bit 
 older, was to set 'im up in the playground to 
 take off somebody as all on us knowed, such as 
 the coppers in the 'Ighway or the parsons 'e'd 
 'eard preach. We'd only got to say the name, 
 and 'e did the man we v/anted. For all 'is bein' 
 so little, I've see 'im look six foot 'igh and four- 
 teen stone 'eavy, in doin' a copper tryin' to *ide 
 'isself in a corner too small for 'im cos the in- 
 spector's near copped 'im shiftin' a glass on 'is 
 beat. 
 
 But best of all was to see 'im do the Salvation 
 Army captain, when 'is grandmother went to a 
 big prayer-meetin' on The Waste, and asked if 
 the tambourines and trumpets and uniforms 
 wasn't vanities as didn't come of 'umility. And 
 when 'e 'ad done the captain's answer, 'e'd just 
 lift up 'is 'ead, and shake it a bit, with a kind o* 
 sorft look in 'is eyes, same as 'is gran'mother's, 
 and 'e'd say in 'er queer way o' speakin' : " I've 
 naught against your doctrine, Mr. Captain, if 
 that's a godly title fur yoursel', but oh, mon, I'm 
 sair afeard we're a' of us over worrldly ! " 
 
 And 'im speakin' so, yer could pretty near 
 see 'undreds o' little wrinkles gatherin' up
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 12$ 
 
 round 'is eyes, and if yer'd tied a white cap 
 under 'is chin, yer'd 'ave 'ad 'is gran'mother 
 'erself standin' there. But all the time 'e 
 'ardly knovved 'e was takin' 'er off, let alone 
 makin' a mock. For 'e always showed a very 
 decent kind o' feelin' for 'er, settin' with 'er 
 most evenin's after 'is tea, and listenin' to 'er 
 readin' in 'er books. So 'e didn't never join no 
 gang, nor band, nor rode be'ind trams, nor 
 came cat-'untin', nor saw life. And nobody 
 wouldn't 'ave thought nothink about 'im, no 
 more nor if 'e'd been a girl, but for 'is bein' 
 able to make us fair die with laughin' whenever 
 'e liked, and 'e keepin' 'is solemn little mug all 
 the time. 
 
 And besides takin' people off, 'e was good at 
 all manner. There wasn't nobody so smart at 
 'is drill, not even Ned Philips, as is now called 
 Tentpole. Scotty was to 'ave led our squad 
 for the competition at the Albert 'All, but old 
 Mrs. Macrae put a stopper on it by tellin' our 
 'ead-master she wouldn't 'ave 'er grandson 
 puffed up with them things as don't satisfy. 
 So our squad only got second. And the 
 teacher gave Scotty 's form a talkin' to, sayin' it 
 wasn't no good tryin' to do nothink if people 
 was goin' to be so purtikler, and if we was 
 always to be thinkin' of our souls, 'e might as 
 well turn up teachin' altogether ; and it was 
 nothink but right to keep a good opinion of 
 yerselves and try to go one better nor other 
 people, if yer want to do yer duty and get on. 
 And after school it was gran' to see Scotty 
 give us all the talk again, puUin' 'is mustache
 
 126 LITTLE SCOTTV. 
 
 and drawin' in 'is back, and swellin' 'is chest 
 out, the teacher bein' a little man but in the 
 Volunteers, as I told before, and keepin' a good 
 enough opinion of 'imself to get on any- 
 wheres. 
 
 And for singin' too, S.cotty seemed to 'ave it 
 born in 'im, same as a cage-bred lark as '11 
 start singin' some mornin' just like other larks, 
 and flutterin' its wings up and down like a 
 sparrer in a fit. And 'is gran'mother rather 
 liked 'im to sing, cos 'is father and gran'father 
 'ad led the singin' in there own chapel. And 
 it's certain she must 'ave been given to singin' 
 'erself at one time, for there wasn't nobody else 
 could 'ave taught Scotty all the queer songs 'e 
 knowed. And sometimes of an evenin' 'e'd 
 start singin' in 'er room till the neigbors 'ud 
 come and stand outside of the winder. Senti- 
 mental songs all on 'em was, about 'er lovin' 
 Charlie and such like, and no fun in 'em ; but 
 oh, 'e could sing 'em a treat ! 
 
 I call to mind the first time as we got 'im to 
 sing what yer might call in public. It was a 
 week after Jim Mansfield broke 'is neck by 
 fallin' with a bail of sugar down the 'old of the 
 West Injer Queen. 'Im 'avin' been buried, we 
 got up a friendly Lead at 'is widdered mother's 
 'ouse to pay the funeral and rent and start 'er 
 off again comfortable. So two on us goes to 
 Mrs. Macrae's to ask Scotty to give us a song. 
 And we find 'im settin' there as usual. So we 
 tell 'im the cause why we'd come, and 'e looks 
 at the old woman, and at last she says : " A 
 widder, do ye say ? and this 'er son, and 'e
 
 LITTLE SCOTTV. 127 
 
 killed in a ship ? Aye, poor body I But what 
 good '11 a' your singin' do for her ? " 
 
 Then I said as she'd get the brokers in at 'er 
 'ome if the rent wasn't paid within the month. 
 
 "Poor body, poor body ! " she keeps sayin' to 
 'erself. " Aye, lad, and if it's to the house o' 
 mournin' ye must e'en go. Ye'U surrely tak' 
 no harrm in the house o' mournin'." 
 
 It was just the classiest friendly Lead I ever 
 was at — lots of beer and lemonade, not to 
 speak on tobaccer and fag papers a treat. Old 
 Oily was chairman, and a rare toff 'e looked, 
 'ammerin' on the table with a broken drum- 
 stick to keep order and start the singers fair. 
 There was songs of both kinds, comic and 
 sentimental, accord in' as 'appened to be the go 
 at that time. I call to mind we 'ad " Charity 
 ends at 'ome," and " That's where it are, boys," 
 and " Only to touch 'er 'and again," and 
 "Crown 'im King of Rats." And Patsy 
 Conolly done a clog-dance on the table, two 
 of 'is pals 'ummin' the tune and dronin' to 
 make bagpipes. Then little Scotty was called 
 on, and 'e up and sang a sentimental song 
 about Annie Lory. It 'ad ought to 'ave come 
 sooner, afore we got took up with comic songs, 
 But 'e 'adn't sung no more nor the fust line 
 and there we all was settin' and listenin', for 
 all we mostly knowed the tune by sound, but 
 'adn't never 'eard singin' same as that, 'is voice 
 seem in' to swing up and down as easy as a 
 boat on the water. And at the end we all 
 jump up, shoutin' and whistlin'. And the 
 other fellers keepin' on at their noise, I goes
 
 128 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 up to the chairman and says : " There's 
 another song as 'e can sing, and that's ' Comin' 
 through the Rye ' — you know, it's almost a 
 decent kind o' song, 'ardly to be called senti- 
 mental." 
 
 So Oily banged with 'is drum-stick, and says : 
 " I will call on Mr. Scotty to oblige again with 
 'is world-renowned renderin' of ' Comin' through 
 the Rye.' " 
 
 So Scotty said 'e'd 'ave a try at it, for all 'is 
 not 'avin' sung that song since 'e was little. 
 Now, there was nothink to laugh at, but some- 
 'ow the 'ole lot on us bust out laughin', and for 
 no reason at all, barrin' only 'e looked all of a 
 minute to 'ave turned as young as a baby. 
 But the moment 'e started singin', you'd 'ave 
 sworn 'e'd changed 'isself into a girl about 
 Lina's style, full of 'ankin' artful little ways, with 
 a look this way, and a look that way, and a 
 smile down the middle. 
 
 With that the Lead broke up, and we 'anded 
 over the money — near on thirty shillin' there 
 was — to Jim Mansfield's mother as a recom- 
 pense for 'er son's death. And goin' 'ome 
 with Scotty I told Mrs. Macrae what a set-out 
 the fellers 'ad made over 'im, more especial for 
 the "Comin' thro' the Rye." But she only 
 says : " Aye, it's a good enough song, no doubt, 
 and I've often detected myself back-slidin' into 
 it. But I doubt it's over-temptin' for a young 
 mon who should e'en be seekin' to cleanse his 
 way." 
 
 " All right, gran," says Scotty, " but it was 
 yourself as taught it me."
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. I29 
 
 " Aye," she says, looking into the fire, " it 
 war mysel'." 
 
 Then for a long time I 'ardly didn't see 
 Scotty at all, me 'avin' started work, and after 
 a bit Scotty gettin' took on for messenger, 
 cleaner, and kind of clurk at a Seamen's 'Ome, 
 through 'is father bein' known for 'avin' been a 
 missioner. So 'e goes on straight enough for 
 two or three year, till it might be the same 
 August or thereabout when I fell out of work 
 through turnin' up the shop. Then 'e gets 
 down on 'is luck, through the bosses of the 
 'Ome startin' buildin' what's called a new wing, 
 and askin' a Member of Parliament down to fix 
 the foundations right, and bring in the money. 
 So the Member of Parliament was fetched up 
 to the door in a carriage with two 'orses and 
 two men to mind 'em. And 'e makes a fine 
 speech, and they start singin' 'ymns, and prayin', 
 and 'avin' their teas. And when they'd 'ad their 
 teas, the Member of Parliament asks to be 
 showed over the 'Ome. So they takes 'im fust 
 to see where the seamen was put to sleep in. 
 And over each bed was wrote the name of some 
 gen'leman or lord as kep' it goin', so as the 
 seamen might call to mind their benefactors 
 both goin' to sleep and wakin' up. And any 
 bed not 'avin' a benefactor was ticketed with 
 " 'Umility," or " Righteousness," or some such. 
 So the Member of Parliament chooses out the 
 " Purity " bed, and says 'e'd like to 'ave 'is own 
 name stuck up instead, and 'ud send 'em money 
 to keep it goin'. 
 
 Then 'e was took to see the room where the
 
 ISO LITTLE SCOTTV. 
 
 seamen was fed. And 'e finds a lot of 'em 
 settin' round and laughin' and cheerin'. And 
 on a table in the middle on 'em, with 'is back 
 turned, 'e sees little Scotty standin' and talkin'. 
 And sure enough 'e was makin' the Member of 
 Parliament's speech right over again ; even the 
 Member of Parliament could see that. With 
 one 'and under where 'is coat tails should 'ave 
 been, and the other beatin' time with a tea- 
 spoon in place of eye-glasses, Scotty was goin' 
 through that speech word for word, makin' a 
 kind of sing-song at the end of each bit 'e'd got 
 to say, so as to give time for thinkin' what to 
 say next, for all the world like the Member of 
 Parliament. 'E'd just got to talkin' about the 
 dangers o' seamen through their bein' the 
 pioneers and guardians of our glorious empire 
 on which the sun don't never set, and 'e was 
 showin' 'ow the Member of Parliament looked 
 down on a piece of paper to read out a tex' 'e 
 'ad turned up in the Bible for the purpose, 
 somethink about bringin' 'em to the 'aven 
 where they wanted to get to. 
 
 " Ah, my dear friends," 'e was sayin', " the 
 'aven as they aimed after — what else did the 
 'Oly Spirit 'ave in 'Is mind when 'E used those 
 words, but such a Sailors' 'Ome as this noble 
 edifice I see before me ?" 
 
 The rest o' that speech wasn't never 'eard. 
 Next day little Scotty got the sack. 'E asked 
 the boss why 'e didn't like 'avin' the speech 
 made over again as near the same as might be, 
 seein' it was worth takin' such a deal o' trouble 
 to 'ave it made once. But the boss only said
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 13I 
 
 'e'd flay 'im alive if ever 'e catched him there 
 again. So acourse it was no manner o' good 
 for 'im to stand arguin'. 
 
 Then for weeks and weeks Scotty was out 
 o' work, same as other fellers, wanderin' up 
 and down and round and round, and never 
 gettin' a job. And each time I see 'im 'e'd 
 got to look a bit more ashamed of 'imself for 
 doin' nothink but eat 'is grandmother's money. 
 And at last nobody ever see 'im at all, but 
 there was some as said 'e went over the water 
 of an evenin' unbeknown and 'ired a barrer, 
 and sang to the blokes in Southwark for any- 
 think 'e could cadge. 
 
 But one Saturday night I was takin' an 
 evenin' walk with young Duffy down Mile End, 
 and lookin' at the street stalls with their flarin' 
 lamps, and the blokes aimin' at coker-nuts, 
 and tryin' their strength with 'ammers, and 
 listenin' to the talkers decidin' about Gord, and 
 takin' on penny shocks of real lightnin'. And 
 comin' opposite the Paragon, we stop to read 
 the names o' the singers and dancers, all 
 wrote up in red on a blue ground with circles 
 round 'em. And there in the middle of 'em all 
 was a board as said : " Little Scotty. The Star 
 of the East. The Uncrowned Heir Apparent 
 of the Serio-Comic Stage. The Baby Boan- 
 erges. His first appearance. Next Saturday." 
 
 " Blime ! " says I, " if that aint our Scotty 
 'isself ! " 
 
 " Maybe yer'e right," says Duffy. " But it's 
 a queer go for anybody as you and me knows 
 to start bein' famous."
 
 132 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 We soon found out the truth on it. Some 
 bloke 'ad gone and told the Manager about 
 Scotty's singin' on the barrer, and the Mana- 
 ger 'e asked 'im up, and there was some as said 
 'e offered 'im just whatever 'e liked to ask. 
 But fifteen shillin' is the biggest wage I ever 
 'eard of a feller gettin' for a start, and that's 
 for work, mind you, not for dancin' and singin', 
 as you might almost call livin' like a gen'leman. 
 So us findin' it was really our own Scotty, we 
 make up a party to go and 'ear 'im, Duffy 
 takin' 'is girl, and me gettin' Lina 'erself to 
 come. Not as I took much to myself for that, 
 seein' as she waited to the last moment in the 
 'ope of Tentpole askin' 'er, but 'e never did. 
 
 Next Saturday night we got late to the doors, 
 through Duffy takin' such a time over 'is tea, 
 and then doin' up a lot of it in paper to 'ave a 
 go at between the songs, or when the band 
 should play and there wasn't no call to listen. 
 And 'urryin' up, just outside we run into old 
 Granny Macrae, seemin'ly kind of 'overin' about 
 through not knowin' what to do. So bein' civil- 
 spoken, Lina passed the time o' day with 'er, 
 and told 'er to look smart if she wanted a seat 
 to 'ear little Ben. 
 
 " Nay," she says, speakin' kind of wild, "the 
 hour's no yet come. There's full time yet for 
 Gord's handywork. It is written, in the twin- 
 klin' of an eye we shall be changed." 
 
 But Lina cops 'old on 'er arm, and says : 
 " You come along with me, my dear, and I'll 
 see yer righted." 
 
 At the box we find there wasn't only standin'
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 133 
 
 room left, barrin' the shillin' seats. So Duffy 
 says 'e didn't mind goin' it whiles 'e was young, 
 and we two each planks down our two bobs for 
 us and the females. But Mrs. Macrae 'ad got 
 'old on a free-pass to a stall in 'er 'and, and she 
 kep' lookin' fust at that and then at the ticket- 
 man, and mutterin' to 'erself : "I'll see it done, 
 but I doubt it shall na be with the price of 'is 
 soul." 
 
 " Now, lady," says the ticket man, " don't 
 stand 'ankin' there ; you're not the only person 
 in the world." 
 
 " Young mon," she says, " at this hour I al- 
 most wish I was. But would you kindly give 
 me the right of entrance in exchange for this 
 shilling? " 
 
 With that she tears up 'er free-pass, tellin' 
 Duffy as the sixpence 'e offered for it 'ud be an 
 unrighteous bargain. So we all went in to- 
 gether, and got the back row of the shiUin' 
 seats, 'andy for the promenade and bar. And 
 I set next Lina as was natural, 'avin' Mrs. Ma- 
 crae on the other side. 
 
 All durin' the fust part, whiles the girls kep' 
 comin' in one after another, and singin' and 
 dancin', and the conjurer was at his little tricks, 
 and the gymnastic troop was spittin' and rub- 
 bin' the sweat off their 'ands, I was gettin' as 
 close as might be up to Lina's side, and tryin' 
 to win 'er over to talk more friendly. But 
 some'ow she was a bit off that night, and only 
 kep' askin' which o' the girls a man 'ud call 
 prettiest, and if by reason of the dress or the 
 way of doin' 'er 'air. But she knowed all the
 
 134 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 time not one on 'em wasn't fit to die in the 
 same street with 'erself, no matter 'ow turned 
 out. And I never took much 'eed to the old 
 woman, barrin' only as she didn't seem to be 
 noticin' nothink, but kep' bendin' down over 'er 
 'ands on top of 'er umbereller, and kind o' talk- 
 in' to 'erself, so as the girl in front with feathers 
 to 'er 'at turns round and tells 'er to shut 'er 
 noise. But when a lot of darky savages, mostly 
 women, came on, and started throwin' their legs 
 about, and makin as if they was killin' each 
 other, she looks up a minute, and I 'ears 'er 
 sayin' : "O Lord, Lord, it's poor women-crea- 
 tures like mysel', and all bought with a price ! " 
 
 The people fair loved them niggers, and 
 roared with laughin' at 'em for lookin' like guys 
 and makin' such queer noises. But next after 
 them up goes Little Scotty's number on the flies. 
 So seein' Mrs. Macrae still bendin' over 'er um- 
 bereller, Lina reaches acrost me, and says : 
 " Cheer up, granny, there aint no cause to fear 
 for Ben. 'E's all right, you lay ! " 
 
 But the old woman only stooped down lower, 
 and I 'ears 'er sayin' : " It's comin', it's comin' ! 
 Oh, that one might plead for amon with Gord ! " 
 
 You should 'ave 'eard the clappin' and the 
 stampin' when Scotty came just creepin' on to 
 the stage. 'E was got up same as a ragged 
 crossin'-sweep, and a deal of 'is little body kep' 
 showin' through the 'oles. 'E 'adn't got no 'at 
 on, and 'e was 'oldin' a bit of a broom in 'is 
 'and. But some'ow you could see from the 
 very look on 'im as 'e 'adn't never used that 
 broom barrin' for a weapon of defense, and
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 135 
 
 didn't never propose to. 'Is nose and eyes was 
 all pinched and screwed up with cold and 'unger, 
 and yer could tell by the way 'e kep' lookin' 
 round 'e'd only just escaped from somethink 
 and was siill scared almost out of 'is life. But 
 there was a kind o' smile on 'is little mug, oh, so 
 artful ! 
 
 The music 'ad been playin' very quiet and 
 slow, and all on a sudden when nobody wasn't 
 lookin' for it, you 'eard Scotty's voice comin' 
 out of the music, every word of it quite plain, 
 for all we bein' right at the back. It was a 
 sorft kind of tune, and everybody was natu- 
 rally lookin' for a sentimental kind of song. 
 And when they found out it wasn't, that's what 
 pleased 'em better nor anythink. This is 'ow 
 it began : 
 
 " If yer want a bit o' quiet, destitoot o' noise or riot, 
 
 Why, yer'd best come down our alley, and I'll show yer 
 round 
 For there's Neligan a-sayin' as Macarthy's self wants 
 flayin', 
 And 'e's doin' business on 'im as '11 cost ten pound ; 
 Then there's blue-eyed flaxen Lily as is knockin' Susan 
 silly, 
 And there's Jemmy Green just leavin' off from stampin' 
 on 'is wife ; 
 And it's done so nice and tidy as to please the choicest lidy, 
 And if yer kep' a churchyard, why, yer'd see more life ! " 
 
 All the chorus v,^as just the last line over 
 again, and didn't we yell it ! 
 
 " And if yer kep' a churchyard, why, yer'd see more life ! " 
 
 Then the music started playin' sorft agen, 
 and I 'eard the old woman say : " It's lies, all
 
 136 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 lies he's sayin'. He"s lyin' with lyin' lips. 
 Impute it not for sin, O Lord ! " 
 
 Then she lifts up her 'er 'ead, and keeps 
 starin' at Scotty without never movin'. 
 
 So after the music 'ad played a bit more 'e 
 starts again : 
 
 " Oh, there aint no mountain valley 'al£ so peaceful as our 
 alley, 
 For all no lambs are sportin' in the shepherd's care ; 
 But there's all the cats a-squeakin' and all the kids a- 
 shriekin', 
 And there's Betsy Jane redoocin' of 'er sister's 'air ; 
 Then there's Blowin' Bill a-cryin' as 'e's on the point o' 
 dyin' 
 Though Bobby Connor's tryin' for to cure 'im with a 
 knife ; 
 And there aint no kind o' riot, but a blissful sense o' quiet, 
 And if yer kep' a churchyard, why, yer'd see more life ! " 
 
 Whiles we was shoutin' the chorus over 
 again, Scotty started creepin' round the stage 
 with 'is broom, like a starvin' cat on the prowl, 
 gettin' quicker and quicker till 'e led up to a 
 queer kind o' game, as if a little churchyard 
 ghost 'ad got dancin' down that alley made up 
 as a crossin'-svveep. And all the time the old 
 woman kep' vvhisperin' to 'erself, " It's all lies 
 he's been tellin', and look at 'is wee bit body 
 bendin' about. To think an immortal soul 
 should stand haverin' and f5blin' there, and the 
 brink of eternity yawnin' at 'is very feet ! " 
 
 Then there went up such a cheerin' from all 
 on us as fair swamped the band and everythink. 
 And Scotty kep' standin' quite still in the middle 
 o' the stage, 'e lookin' as solemn as if 'e'd never 
 done nothink but preach sermons all 'is life.
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 137 
 
 And quite unlocked for, we 'ear 'im startin' the 
 next two verses in praise of 'is peaceful 'ome. 
 Then came the dance again, and just near the 
 endin' of it 'e vanished on a sudden, nobody 
 couldn't tell 'ow. The music went on for a 
 minute, and then the 'ole 'ouse went mad to- 
 gether, whistlin' and stampin' till the dust come 
 up fit to choke a scavenger. 
 
 Just as we was gettin' fair wild with waitin' 
 for 'im to come on again, in 'e walks, turned 
 out very smart in a little blue suit, and got up 
 for a middle-aged kind of bloke, same as might 
 be ticket-collector on the Royal Sovereign 
 runnin' to Margate or the Clacton Belle. And 
 'e struck up to a lively kind of tune: 
 
 " I've often been in love before, but never right till now, 
 
 And all the other girls I've loved just served to teach 
 me 'ow, 
 For one was short, and one was fair, and one was brown and 
 tall, 
 But at the sight of Annie's 'air I've clean forgot 'em all." 
 
 And then wavin' 'is 'and 'e sailed off upon 
 the chorus : 
 
 " Oh, there was the charmin' Nannie, 
 
 And the fascinatin' Fanny, 
 And Jane, and black-ej-ed Sue, 
 
 And pretty Polly too ; 
 And I told 'em each we'd see 
 
 'Ow eternal love could be, 
 But now there's only Annie, 
 
 And— she don't love me." 
 
 The big drum come down with a great 
 thump on the word " and," and the music 
 stopt short, Scotty sayin' " She don't love 
 me " all to 'isself in a kind of despairin' voice, as
 
 138 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 if drowndin' was too jolly a death for 'im. All 
 on us laughed fit to bust, and started away 
 into the chorus over again. Next 'e does a bit 
 spoken, tellin' 'ow 'e won Annie over into 
 comin' 'oliday-makin' with 'im one day on 
 'Ampstead 'Eath, and there they meet Nannie 
 and Fanny and Jane and Sue and Polly, all at 
 the same time. And so there was a rare old 
 game, 'e says, the best 'e'd ever see since 'is 
 'ole pile of relations got blind drunk on the day 
 of 'is grandfather's funeral. But I didn't 
 never 'ear the end of that story, through Mrs. 
 Macrae gettin' up sudden, and goin' out, lettin' 
 'er umbereller fall, and makin' a deal of noise. 
 So all the people turn round and say " 'Ish ! " 
 
 and " D 'er bloomin' row ! " And the girl 
 
 with the feathers in front leaves off squeezin' of 
 'er young man's 'and and says : " Thank Gord, 
 that old death's 'ead's gorn at last ! " 
 
 After Scotty, the rest o' the show wasn't 
 nothink, only a rare old frorst. So we get 
 talkin' and 'avin' drinks, puttin' *em on the ikey 
 little stands on the backs of the seats in front. 
 And Lina says she 'ad a mind to turn up 'er 
 work at the ropes and take to the stage. 
 
 "And me dancin'," she says, " I'll drive the 
 men just wild, you see. But there aint only 
 one I'd aim at, for all that the others 'ud be 
 very well for a time." 
 
 "Is it me ye're meanin' of?" says I, puttin' 
 my arm round 'er. 
 
 " You ? " she says. " Ger along ! any girl 
 could get over you. 'Im as I aims at must be 
 as 'ard as pavin'-stones. That's my sort ! "
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. 139 
 
 But she lets me keep my arm round 'er till 
 the sketch at the end was over. Then we all 
 went out and stood at the stage door, waitin' 
 for Scotty, and on 'is comin' we forms up into 
 a gang, a dozen of us pals, and six or eight 
 girls beside, and settin' 'im in the middle we 
 marches 'im right 'ome, singin' and shoutin' 
 all the way. But, comin' close up to Mrs. 
 Macrae's door, we fetch up a minute just to 
 finish singin' the chorus to a tune as everybody 
 was singin', and it went : 
 
 " Kiss me upon the street, love, 
 
 Kiss me be'ind the door, 
 Kiss me whene'er we meet, love, 
 
 Reckon each time a score ; 
 If yer forget, my sweet love, 
 
 'Ow many went before. 
 Oh, to make all complete, love, 
 
 Kiss me ten thousand more ! " 
 
 Then we all says good-night. But Lina 
 would 'ave it she must see Scotty's gran'mother 
 to wish 'er luck over 'is catch-on. So bein' 
 friends, me and 'er, we goes in along with 
 Scotty. And we finds the old woman in the 
 room, standin' up and watchin' the door till 
 Scotty follers us in, 'e 'avin' turned round again 
 to say good-night. Then she says to us : " I'm 
 glad to mak' ye welcome. But, oh, lad, I was 
 sair fearsome ye'd be behind the hour o' family 
 worship. Now sit ye down, and eat your 
 supper, and we'll yet be in time the night." 
 
 So she makes Scotty sit down to two great 
 squares of dry bread and a cup of milk, as she'd 
 set out on a clean white table-cloth ; and Lina
 
 140 LITTLE SCOTTY. 
 
 and me she puts by the fire, and then she says 
 again : " And now, maybe, just to spare the 
 time, ye'll hsten to a bit story I've lang had in 
 my mind to tell. Aye, ye all look at me as an 
 auld wife, na doubt, but it's no sae lang sin' 
 Donald Macrae took me to his home by the 
 beach, albeit I was na bigger than the lassie 
 there, only clothed more decent. But it's a 
 later time I have in mind to tell ye of. It was a 
 day when this little lad's father, who is my only 
 bairn, was just a grown man, and he'd come in 
 early in the mornin' after bein awa' for the 
 fishin* around Ireland. So I'd put him to bed, 
 and gone down wi' the auld mon, my husband, 
 to our bit harbor, to set him off wi' his mates 
 to the deep-sea fishin', awa' east. It was early 
 winter, but the sun was shinin' as harmless as 
 the grace of God, and the sea lay fit for a bairn 
 to play on. So they all got aboard and put off, 
 my mon with the rest. Six and forty good 
 fishin' vessels went out frae our town that day, 
 and just at twelve o'clock my mon sailed his 
 boat after them, he bein' the last out through 
 havin' lingered to speak with his son. And we 
 wives turned to go home along the quay. And 
 as we got to the end o' the harbor auld Hen- 
 derson's Maggie pointed round to the sea, and 
 shroke ont : ' Gord's mercy ! what's happenin' to 
 our vessels ? ' " 
 
 " So we all turned round, and saw that the 
 sea and sky had fallen together and were mixed 
 up in a white mist streakit wi' gray. And for a 
 minute we could mak' out a few brown sails 
 whirlin' about in the midst. Then the gale
 
 LITTLE SCOTTY. I4I 
 
 Struck US full, with rain and snaw and hail, 
 driving us against the walls, and carryin' awa' 
 the roofs and chimneys frae the houses, aye 
 from the meetin '-house itself ; and we saw the 
 brown sails no more. All that afternoon the 
 town was down at the shore pickin' up the 
 dead bodies. Nineteen of our vessels went to 
 wreck, and over a hundred men never cam' 
 home. Eight of 'em I picked up with my own 
 hands, and my Donald among 'em, close by the 
 rocks where I'd stood to see him part. Braw 
 bodies of men they were all, though naught but 
 fishin' folk. It was a sair sight to see them 
 rolled about in the surf with their faces against 
 the sand, and the weed stickin' in their beards. 
 And some of 'em, like enough, no just sae 
 ready to be sent straight to their Maker as 
 was my mon. But bein' fishers they must 
 know in their hearts they'd got to be ready, 
 and that's why fishers were chosen for the 
 disciples." 
 
 The old woman drew up a bit, and we sat 
 there sayin' nothink, same as yer do when a 
 parson tries to 'ave a talk at yer. Then, kind 
 o' lookin' at the fire, she says : " But, oh, my 
 bairn, I misdoubt whiles if ye are aye ready to 
 go yoursel'. Maybe, bein' an auld wife, I've 
 indulged ye ower much. But the Lord, Ben, 
 He will na indulge ye, for that's no' the true 
 merrcy." 
 
 She gets up and shifts the table-cloth and 
 things. " And now ye ken," she says, " how it 
 was your gran'father cam' by his funeral. 
 But what it was to turn home again, leavin' 'im
 
 142 LITTLE SCOTT V. 
 
 in the ground, maybe by the divine favor ye'll 
 na ken forever." 
 
 Seein' she was about gettin' out 'er big 
 books, and layin' 'em on the table, me and Lina 
 ups and says good-night. And goin' out by 
 the door we 'ears 'er say : " Let us read Isaiah 
 fifty-five," and then somethink about 'avin' a 
 thirst and comin' to the water, for all yer 'aven't 
 got no money. 
 
 On the way 'ome Lina didn't seem to care 
 about love-makin' and the proper sort o' things. 
 And me kissin' 'er at 'er door, she didn't say 
 nothink only : " I'm thinkin', Jacko, the kind o' 
 life me and you lives in sometimes seems right 
 enough, and sometimes it looks poor, some'ow 
 — bleedin' poor ! " 
 
 " Yer'e right," says I, "but thank Gord to- 
 morrer's Sunday, and we can stop in bed all 
 mornin'." 
 
 And afore two months was out, Little 
 Scotty was pasted all over London, and was 
 took up in cabs at 'alf-a-crown each to sing in 
 the West End, and 'is tunes was played on all 
 the organs for the kids to dance to. Some 
 people stuck out 'e was makin' five pound a 
 week, and some said four pound ten. But 
 nobody didn't know, what yer may call knowin', 
 only as 'e give 'is gran'mother two pound every 
 Saturday. And what she did with all that 
 money was a fair old mystery, worse nor the 
 'Ansom Cab in the song, seein' she went on 
 with 'er cleanin' just the same, and didn't 
 make no change in 'er and Scotty 's eatin'. 
 Mrs. Simon said she blewed it in soap to wash
 
 LITTLE SCOTTV. 143 
 
 the Dock out with, and 'er 'usband the sweep 
 'e thought she likely sent it to the Sailors' 
 'Ome for coals of fire. But my mother was 
 certain it was all laid by in the 'ope Scotty 'ud 
 turn up the stage and take to the preachin' 
 line, same as 'is father before 'im. But, bless 
 yer soul, Scotty aint such a born fool as what 
 that comes to.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 B /IRan of Genius. 
 
 NE Friday night in February, about 
 ten o'clock as it might be, I turned 
 out in the street after tryin' for near 
 on an hour to teach my young 
 brother to whistle through 'is fingers, till my 
 mother, settin' and mendin' as usual, said as 
 she'd do a dynamite if we didn't shut it. So I 
 goes out, and strolls down Wappin' way inde- 
 pendent, on chance o' meetin' some of my 
 mates. And yer'e sure to find somethink to 
 amuse yer down there, if it's only a dog bein' 
 drownded. It was pretty cold still, but there 
 was just a kind of a snuff in the air as told yer 
 the winter was nigh on over. The wind was 
 blowin' up fresh from over Rother'ithe way, 
 and drivin' bits of cloud quick acrost the moon ; 
 and in the spaces of sky 'twix' the clouds the 
 stars looked kind of pale and clean, same as if 
 fresh scoured down. Crossin' the fust bridge, 
 I could 'ear the river splashin' and frettin' in 
 little waves agen the pier-'eads of Shadwell 
 entrance, for all the tide was three parts down. 
 I 'ad just gone over the second bridge, when 
 all on a sudden I see a woman standin' back in 
 a dark corner of the palin's. I shouldn't 'ave
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 145 
 
 took no notice of 'er there, it bein' a reg'lar kind 
 of place to stand and wait for yer young man or 
 young woman ; but the minute she see me, she 
 pulled off a kind of peak-cap, same as mates and 
 foremen wears up and down the river, and 
 stuck it under 'er apron. So I looks again, and 
 sees by the paleness of 'er 'air in a streak of 
 moonlight shinin' through the bars as it was 
 Amy Morrison, 'er who 'adn't been very long 
 married to Sam Lester, and was now livin' with 
 'im not many doors from us down our street. 
 
 •' What, Amy ! " I says, she not bein' much 
 older nor me, and me 'avin' knowed 'er for 
 years and years. 
 
 " 'Ullo, Jacko ! " she answers, in a kind of a 
 whisper. " Is it you } " 
 
 " Yus," I says, " it's me, Who else do yer 
 take me for } 'Ad another bust-up at 'ome? " 
 
 " Not me," she says. " I'm all right up to 
 now, thank Gord, or soon will be ! Don't yer 
 mind for me." 
 
 " Well, good-night to yer, Amy ! " I says. 
 
 " Good-night, Jacko, dear ! " she says. 
 
 And I passed on. 
 
 In another 'alf minute I'd forgot all about 
 her ; but I might 'ave noticed two things as 
 being out of the usual : one, as she called me 
 " dear," for all I'd never so much as offered to 
 keep company with 'er, she bein' married early ; 
 but a proper enough girl, with brown eyes and 
 a tidy figure "all 'er own," like Mary Ann 
 Malone's in the Poplar boys' song. And for 
 the second thing — she'd got 'oldin' a 'ole 'eap 
 of newspapers in 'er 'and, and a kind of sack
 
 146 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 slung round the other arm, not to speak on the 
 peak-cap 'id under 'er apron. But I thought 
 nothink only that she was 'idin', and waitin' 
 there on the look-out for some fancy-bloke 
 she'd took up, so as to put 'erself level with her 
 own man for 'is treatment of 'er. 
 
 Not as Sam Lester was a bad sort in 'is way, 
 takin' 'im all round, for all 'e 'adn't only one 
 leg, 'avin' lost the other below the knee in some 
 machine when 'e was 'prentice. 'Is face was as 
 thin as a 'orse's, and just about the same color 
 as 'is collar at the end of a fortnight ; for 'e 
 always wore a collar did Sam, and was some- 
 think of a masher to look at. But what yer 
 mostly saw about 'im was 'is blackin-brush of 
 thick 'air, and 'is big black eyes seemin' as if 
 they was always on the look-out for somethink 
 special to eat, and they never able to find it. 
 'E 'adn't been in our part long, comin' down to 
 us from Islington way, where 'e'd worked in a 
 planner factory till 'e got the sack, it might be 
 tbrough the drink, or only through just slackin' 
 off in 'is work, 'e bein' an unreckonable kind of 
 bloke. 'E'd called 'isself a musician when fust 
 'e came down our way, and kep' on callin' 'isself 
 that, for all nobody never see 'im do nothink in 
 that line by way of playin' any music, beyond 
 once tunin' up Mrs. Baker's pianner for a game, 
 'cos it was the only pianner yer ever 'eard goin' 
 in Shadwell, and 'e couldn't put up with the 
 sound of it as it stood, for all nobody else not 
 makin' no complaint. 
 
 There's no doubt 'e must 'ave been a real 
 musician sometime, 'cos 'e 'ad a 'ole crowd of
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 147 
 
 music-notes, all printed out in sheets, same as 
 German bands stick up on their trumpets and 
 blow from, only larger. And my mother — she 
 some'ow 'avin' taken rather a fancy for 'im so 
 soon as 'e come — she used to say as 'o\v often 
 and often, when she'd looked in of an evenin' 
 to see if Amy wanted for anythink, as was only 
 natural soon after 'er gettin' married, she 'as 
 seen Sam standin' at the table with a lot of 
 them music sheets before 'im, and wavin' is 
 wooden leg about in the air, same as the man 
 in the middle of a music-'all band waves 'is 
 stick. 
 
 " Well," she said first time to Amy, as was 
 messin' around at the fire with a bit o' washin' 
 and pealin' the pertaters for next day's dinner, 
 " whatever use is 'e puttin' 'is leg to now, my 
 dear ? " 
 
 " Oh, goodness only knows ! " says she. " It 
 aint for the likes o' me and you to keep on 
 askin' what 'es after. 'E's often took like that, 
 'e is. It comes o' bein' what 'e calls a genius, 
 same as in the pantomime. And if 'is leg is 
 lighter and more 'andier nor what the poker 'ud 
 be, that aint no concern o' mine, now as 'e can't 
 take my umbereller, 'cos why, I've 'ad to put it 
 away, worse luck, and got nothink only bare 
 one-and-three for it. But never you fret for 'im, 
 Mrs. Britton. I just put a chair for 'im to rest 
 'is own bit o' leg on, and so long as 'e's carryin' 
 on like that, 'es all right, and I gets a bit o' 
 peace to do my work in." 
 
 Just then Sam turns sharp round, and starts 
 callin' Amy all the worst words the cleverest
 
 148 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 people 'ave ever thought on for interruptin' 
 is' performance with 'er noise. But seein' my 
 mother there, 'e stops on a sudden and says, 
 " Good-evenin' ! " 'e bein' always very perlite 
 and takin' with the women, barrin 'is own wife, 
 and sometimes even with 'er. 
 
 " You must excuse me for not noticin' yer 
 entrance, Mrs. Britton," 'e says ; " I was just 
 approachin' the climax of this overture. It's 
 called The White Ladies — not the 'ighest 
 music, but refreshin' to the 'orny-'anded son of 
 toil after 'is day's work." 
 
 " But if yer'e so bloomin' fond o' music," 
 says my mother, " why don't yer go to the 
 music-'alls and 'ear it, in place o' foolin' about 
 'ere by yerself and makin' never a sound ? " 
 
 " Ah, Mrs. Britton !" 'e says, "do yer think 
 I want to 'ear their confounded fiddle squeakin' 
 and their blasted 'orns groanin', when this 'ere 
 little 'ead of mine is soundin' with 'eaven's own 
 orchestrer ? " 
 
 " To say nothink," says Amy, " o' this style 
 not costin' a single penny to nobody, let alone 
 all I got for my nice umbereller as I 'ad to put 
 away, and now get soaked to my skin without 
 — me as never couldn't abide bein' wet." 
 
 But a long way the queerest thing about 
 Sam, next to 'is wooden leg, was 'ow all day 
 long 'e seemed to be laborin' and laborin' and 
 nothink ever comin' of it. 'E'd fitted up what 
 'ad ought to 'ave been the bedroom into a kind 
 of workshop, and there yer could 'ear 'im saw- 
 in' and 'ammerin' and planin' as yer went to yer 
 work. And on yer comin' back 'e'd be still at
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 149 
 
 it, with a penny candle goin'. And none the 
 less everybody knowed 'e couldn't be makin' 
 money, if only through 'is always lookin' so 
 pinched and 'ungry. But more especial when 
 'e'd married Amy, and she went on with 'er 
 work same as before in a lead-works factory, or 
 somethink o' that, down in the Isle o' Dorgs ; 
 and after a month or two she'd even sold 'er 
 bed, and slep' in front o' the fire, cos there 
 wasn't no room for the bed in the workshop ; 
 and Sam said 'e'd sooner starve nor 'ave a bed 
 in the same room with the cookin' goin* on. 
 
 As to what it might be 'e kep' on makin' in 
 that workshop nobody didn't rightly know. 
 Only if yer 'appened to go by late of an evenin', 
 yer'd sometimes see 'im rush out without no 'at 
 on, and go 'obblin' down the street mutterin' to 
 'isself, 'is 'ands drawn tight, and 'is face workin' 
 about, as if nothink short of killin' somethink 
 or 'eavin' 'isself into the river could quiet 'im 
 down. And sometimes 'e'd go smilin' along, 
 swingin' 'is 'ands in reg'lar time, like a drum- 
 major in the Volunteers, and kind of talkin' 
 pleasant to 'isself. And after a bit we got to 
 'ear the most extraordinary kind o' noises 
 comin' from 'is workroom, first of all like bul- 
 locks 'ollerin' out as they're drove up the Road 
 to the slaughter-'ouses in Aldgate, and all the 
 kids keep runnin' alongside of 'em to cheer 'em 
 in and see the door shut on 'em, and listen in 
 'opes of 'earin' the thud of the ax. And after- 
 ward it got more like the 'ootin' of a steamer 
 when a lighter comes driftin' acrost 'er bows. 
 And, later on, there come a kind of squeakin' as
 
 ISO A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 well, SO as there was some as asked if Amy 'ad 
 'ad a baby. But all the women said it couldn't 
 be that, 'cos they knowed it couldn't. 
 
 What it really was we found out at last in an 
 easy kind of way as was disappointin' to most. 
 It was Mrs. Turner as did it ; and I 'card 'er 
 tell about it after. She just 'appened to look in 
 one Saturday night when she knowed Sam 
 wouldn't be at 'ome. And she finds Amy with 
 her skirts pinned up sweepin' the place out, 
 and cryin' to 'erself all the time fit to lay the 
 dust. So she says : 
 
 " What, Amy ! Doin' a bit of a clean } " 
 " Yer right," says Amy. " And 'oo else is to 
 do it when yerVe got a 'usband as stops at 
 home all week bar Saturday nights, and you at 
 work every day and all day ? " 
 
 " I didn't know 'e worked at the makin' o' 
 matches and that," says Mrs. Turner, just 
 tryin' it on, and pointin' to the 'eap of chips 
 and shavin' all swep' up together. 
 
 "Matches, ger on!" says Amy. "Some 
 people's 'usbands is above them sort o' things, 
 I should 'ope. Bless yer soul, '<? don't work at 
 nothink. 'E aint only a genius, that's all. 
 And them chips, why they're all along of the 
 Invention, as is the cause why 'e's a genius. 
 Matches, indeed ! " 
 
 "Invention,"saysMrs.Turner, "what's that.>" 
 " Lord love yer ! " says Amy, " don't yer 
 know what that is } Why, Fve knowed that 
 these months past. I'll show it yer, if yer '11 
 promise me not to put yer 'ands on it. Look 
 'ere ! "
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 151 
 
 With that she takes Mrs. Turner into the 
 work-room, and there the whole floor was 
 littered over with tools — saws, and chisels, and 
 pincers, and queer-cut bits of wood, and yards 
 of steel wire, and things like penny whistles. 
 And in the middle of it all was standin' a big 
 concern, near twice the size of a decent planner, 
 but lookin' much the same, only for its 'avin' no 
 inside to speak on, and bein' all covered up in 
 cloths, same as a race 'orse goin' to the Derby 
 Day. 
 
 " Planner ! " says Amy. " Bless yer 'eart, no. 
 It aint no planner. It's the Invention." 
 
 " But what's it for ? " asks Mrs. Turner. 
 
 " Oh, goodness only knows what it's for ! " 
 says Amy. " All I knows is as it's a work of 
 genius, and so far as I can gather from what 
 mine keeps sayin' over to 'isself, it 'ud turn into 
 a kind o' planner and organ mixed up together, 
 if It ever got to bein' finished. Yer see, it's like 
 this : yer set down, same as if yer was playin' a 
 planner, and if yer feel occasion, yer just give a 
 kick with yer knees, and it turns on an organ at 
 the same time, and whiles yer go on playin' the 
 planner, the organ goes on groanin' and 
 squeakin', kind of independent. The long, 
 blowin' sounds of the organ 'U be made by 
 them there whistles, and the planner '11 make its 
 noise with them wires, as always will get 
 workin' round under my petticoats most uncom- 
 fortable as sure as ever I come into the room. 
 Yus, that's the invention. There's a deal o' 
 work put into it, I can tell yer. Oh, it aint a 
 bad sort of a thing in its way, now is it } "
 
 152 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 " Maybe not," says Mrs. Turner, " but what's 
 'e goin' to do with it ? " 
 
 " Do with it ?" says Amy. " Why, 'e's goin' 
 on makin' at it, acourse." 
 
 " Yus," says Mrs. Turner, " but when it's all 
 done ,'* " 
 
 " Done ? " says Amy. " Lord love yer ! it 
 won't never be done. Why, 'e starts it all fresh 
 over again pretty near once a fortnight. Yer 
 see 'e's got such a terrible deal o' genius ; that's 
 where it is." 
 
 " Yus," says Mrs. Turner, " but 'ow does 'e 
 make 'is money with the thing } " 
 
 " Oh ! 'e don't never make no money," says 
 Amy. " Why should 'e, and 'ow could 'e, when 
 'e's all day messin' about at the Invention ? 
 But I'm in work, thank Gord ! It's little enough 
 I bring in ; but there isn't only two on us up to 
 now, and yer v/ouldn't 'ave me livin' on a pore 
 unfortunate cripple, would yer.^ " 
 
 So that was the Invention and the thing as 
 Sam kep* 'ammerin' and fiUn' and screwin' at 
 all day. All on us 'ad 'oped it might be some- 
 think interestin' — somethink more in the crimi- 
 nal line, same as old Mr. Wilson's work, 'im as 
 always dressed so decent, and lived so quiet, 
 and 'ad such a fancy for kids, till one day they 
 broke into 'is room, and found 'im layin' dead 
 on 'is bed and all 'is cupboards cram-full of 
 burglar's tools and the things as 'e'd snaked. 
 Or like Mrs. Green, as 'er own son got 'er to do 
 time, 'e sayin' to a pot-boy : " Oh, you boils yer 
 pewters, do yer .'* Why, my mother she bakes 
 'em." So the coppers called on 'is mother, and
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 153 
 
 found as big a coinin' concern as what the 
 Royal Mint is, and now she's doin' time. But 
 nothink at all interestin' can't come out of 
 makin' a kind of pianner-organ. So we give 
 over carin' about it. And nobody wouldn't 
 'ave took no more notice of Sam and Amy, but 
 for some 'avin' a kind of extry likin' for 'er 'cos 
 she was so nice-lookin', and some for 'im for 
 bein' so perlite. 
 
 So for a bit people still kep' talkin' of what it 
 might be as set Amy cryin' fit to lay the dust 
 that night when Mrs. Turner looked in. And 
 some says it was 'cos of 'er bein' kep' to the 
 work, and she not able to stand it. And some 
 thought it might come of bein' short of money 
 for the Sunday dinner. But my mother said: 
 " I sometimes wonders at people not 'avin' 
 more sense nor to talk so foolish, things bein' 
 as plain as a bug on the ceilin'. Why was 
 Amy takin on ? Why, all along of its being 
 Saturday night, and I'll bet my bonnet it's just 
 the same every Saturday night o' the year. It 
 aint what yer'd call exackly cheerin' when yer 
 man goes with the girls and gets boozed once a 
 week to give 'imself a fair start for the Sunday. 
 Not as I've got anything agen Sam, as is 
 always very decent be'aved toward me. But 
 me and Amy aint the same thing, and that's 
 the cause why she was cryin'." 
 
 There wasn't no manner of questions as 
 Sam was a rare 'and at breakin' out. 'E'd set 
 day after day workin' at 'is Invention or 'avin' 
 a read at 'is music as quiet and good as a con- 
 vick. And then all on a sudden some night,
 
 154 A MAM OF GENIUS. 
 
 mostly Saturdays, 'e'd just stroll into the street, 
 and lay 'imself out for what 'e'd 'adn't ought. 
 'E wasn't never what yer'd call a 'ard drinker, 
 but 'e'd kep' the art of makin' a little go 
 further nor any man I've seen, and what 'd 
 make a decent man just comfortable, fair drove 
 Sam Lester mad. And by gettin' stood, 'e 
 could always drink enough for that, 'cos of the 
 men 'avin' a kind o' feelin' for 'is wooden leg. 
 So 'e wasn't a drunkard by no manner, but of 
 the girls there 's no doubt 'e was most terrible 
 fond, and they willin' one and all to go down 
 and lick 'is solitary boot, 'cos of 'is 'avin' such 
 a way with 'im. It was a queer thing : every- 
 body knowed Sam 'adn't enough money to 
 bury 'isself decent, and 'e wasn't much to look 
 at, let alone 'is wooden leg ; but there wasn't a 
 girl but was proud to pass the time of day to 
 Sam, and would 'ave liked well enough to be 
 keepin' company with 'im up and down the 
 streets. And to speak 'im fair, 'e give 'em 
 mostly all a chance, turn and turn about. 
 Why it was they took such a fancy for 'im, no- 
 body couldn't say, till one evenin' my mother 
 'it upon the right word for 'im. " I sometimes 
 wonder at the girls," she said, " but yer see 
 where it is : 'e's not the same with the rest o' 
 the men ; 'e's interestin'. That's where it is, 
 Yer can see it in 'is eye." 
 
 And you lay Amy found 'im uncommon 
 interestin' ! Leastways 'e kep' on givin' 'er 
 plenty of variety. But things went pretty 
 smooth between 'em on the 'ole, only for 'is 
 breakin' out nights. And then Amy 'ud mostly
 
 A MAN- OF GENIUS. 155 
 
 'ang about the streets to give 'im time to sim- 
 mer down nicely by goin' to sleep or workin' at 
 the Invention. But late on Chris'mus night, 
 about seven or eight weeks afore the time I see 
 'er standin' by the dock-bridge, as I was tellin', 
 there come what's called a fair old crisis in the 
 Bank, as near bust up the concern by wipin' out 
 one o' the partners. As bad luck would 'ave 
 it, Chris'mus fell on a Monday, and without 
 'avin' properly got over Saturday and Sunday, 
 Sam must needs go breakin' out again on 
 Chris'mus day, 'cos 'e knowed Boxin' Day was 
 comin' on the Tuesday for the purpose of every- 
 body gettin' steady for work by Wednesday. 
 
 So when Sam comes back 'ome late that 
 night, and starts bangin' at the door to be let 
 in, a neighbor 'ears Amy call 'im — well for the 
 once she called 'im what 'e was, more especial 
 in regard to women, she not so much mindin' 
 for a bit o' drink and that. Next minute Sam's 
 wooden leg 'ad carried away the lock, and 'e 
 was in the room ragin' about like a quodded 
 explosion. The winder glass was the first thing 
 to go, and brought us all runnin' out into the 
 street, or 'angin' from the winders, to see what 
 the fun was all about. And fust we 'ear all the 
 bits of ornaments swep' off the chimney-piece at 
 one stroke down on the 'earth-stone. And next 
 the pictures went, and all the plates and teacups 
 and that. Then we 'ear the crackin' up of the 
 table and chairs, as 'e smashed one agen the 
 other. Next 'e overturns the chest o' drawers, 
 and empties out 'is shirts and Amy's bits of 
 dresses and shimmies and such, and starts
 
 156 A. MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 tearin' 'em. And yer could 'ear the clo's shriek 
 as 'e pulled 'em in 'alves bit by bit. 
 
 " That's all right," says the woman from 
 the floor above. " 'E aint only breakin' up the 
 things. That's a mercy for 'er. 'E's got a 
 good 'eart, same as my own man, as 'ud break 
 all the bits o' things in the 'ouse sooner nor lay 
 a bloomin' finger on me. It's a blessin' to 'ave 
 a man with a good 'eart." 
 
 And all the time Amy was ragin' at 'im, and 
 laughin' and goadin' 'im on, callin' on 'im to 
 strike' er, and not go on like a bloomin' coward, 
 andaskin' if 'e called 'isself a man or a bloomin' 
 child. And then she turns on 'im with all the 
 girls 'e knowed, tellin' 'em over one after 
 another by their names, and goin' through their 
 points, same as old Spotter summin' up a lot of 
 'orses, only it wasn't 'orses she called 'em nor 
 their good points as she spoke to. Then all on 
 a sudden she seems to choke, and we don't 'ear 
 nothink but a sound like beatin' carpets. 
 
 " 'E'll be beatin' the drum with 'is wooden 
 leg for drum-stick, I doubt," says one o' the 
 men. 
 
 "Yer right," says the woman from the top 
 winder again. " But it aint on 'er flesh. 
 She's all right. I always did say 'e 'ad a good 
 *eart." 
 
 Then comes a sound there aint never no mis- 
 takin', seein' as there's nothink like it in the 
 world, more especial when made on a woman.; 
 
 "I'm thinkin' that drum's got too sorft a 
 parchment to its drum-'ead," says the man 
 again.
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 157 
 
 " Eh ! and there's warm flesh on the under- 
 side of it," says another. 
 
 But Amy 'erself 'ad give over 'er screamin' 
 and cursin', and 'adn't been sayin' nothink all 
 the time, only after a bit yer now and then 
 'card somethink between a cat's growl and a 
 groanin' as if she couldn't help it. 
 
 At last somethink sorft falls 'eavy on the 
 ground and all the noise stopped. So we crep' 
 up closer round the winder, as 'adn't 'ardly one 
 bit o' glass left in it, and after a bit we 'ear Amy 
 kind o' whisperin' as gentle as a pigeon, and 
 she always did 'ave a very takin' voice. And 
 she was sayin', " 'Ow could yer go for to do 
 such things, darlin' ? and me lovin' yer a 
 'eavenly deal better nor what any o' them 
 females ever could." 
 
 "Yer'e not 'urt, dear, are yer.? not much.?" 
 'e says, speakin' low and sober, as if worn 
 out. 
 
 " Not me," she says. " I was too precious 
 careful of yer to let yer do nothink bad, for all 
 it's not bein' 'urt I'd mind. But yer dear 'air's 
 all wet, and yer'e sweatin' all over, just through 
 me bein' so aggravatin'. Let me undress yer 
 now, dear, and get yer off quiet to sleep, 
 or maybe yer '11 get took queer. Yer've not 
 touched the blankets, thank Gord ! nor yet the 
 beddin' neither, not to speak on." 
 
 So we 'ear 'er movin' about and tryin' to 
 make up some kind of a bed in 'is workshop. 
 
 " That's all right," says the woman at the 
 winder ; " that's what I call a decent endin'. 
 I knowed Sam 'ud be all right, 'cos I always
 
 158 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 did say 'e 'ad a good 'eart. Yer can see it in 
 'is face." 
 
 So we all went 'ome again to bed. But next 
 mornin' it wasn't only natural, bein' Boxin'-Day 
 and nothink to do?' we should some on us go 
 round to Amy's again, same as yer go to stare 
 at the 'ouse of a murder, for all it's looked just 
 the same any day o' the week since yer was 
 born. And we find all the bits of Amy's china 
 and ornaments and pictures swep' up into a 
 nice little 'eap in the gutter against the dustman 
 comin'. And she'd took and piled 'er broken 
 table and chairs into one corner of 'er room as 
 fire-wood, very neat. And she'd set up the 
 chest of drawers on its legs with nothink only 
 one drawer missin'. And now she 'erself was 
 at the winder, tryin' to keep the air out by fixin' 
 bits of tore-up dresses and that over the winder- 
 bhnd. 
 
 " Good-mornin', Mr. Britton," says she, " and 
 a merry Chris'mus to yer, for all I'm be'ind- 
 'and wishin' it." 
 
 " Mornin', Amy ! " says my father. " Why, 
 old Seabrook 'ud say you'd been standin' a 
 siege agen the Zulus." 
 
 " Oh, bless yer, that ain't nothink ! " says she : 
 " nothink only my way o' takin' a Chris'mus- 
 box." 
 
 " Well," says my father, " yer took it stand- 
 in', and we likes yer all the better/^r it." 
 
 " Standin', ger along ! " says she. " There 
 wasn't no standin' called for. It wasn't nothink, 
 only 'is fun. When a man's took merry, 'e must 
 always be after breakin' somethink, and then
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 159 
 
 the only way is to give 'im the right thing to 
 break. Yer'e all the same, you men, only for 
 mine bein' a bit worse through 'is 'avin' such a 
 deal of genius ; and that's somethink to be 
 proiid on, they do tell me." 
 
 "Any'ow 'e seems to 'ave broke up most 
 things this time," says my father; "no matter 
 for you givin' 'im the right things or not." 
 
 "Geron !" shesays. " 'E didn't never touch 
 an 'air of its 'ead." 
 
 •"What's 'ead ? " says 'e. "You're not 
 meanin' yer own, I s'pose, from the look of 
 yer." 
 
 "Mine.'*" she says. "Lord love yer, what 
 'ud that matter either 'ere or there } No, it's 
 somethink different I'm speakin' on. Why, in 
 another 'alf minute 'e'd have put 'is 'and on it, 
 and then where should we have been ? ' No,' 
 ays I, ' better me. It's no matter for me.' Just 
 to think on all the labor 'e's put into it, let alone 
 the genius, as shows itself in all manner o' 
 ways o' breakin' out. No, 'eaven be praised, 
 the Invention didn't never take no 'arm for all 
 'is fun ; and now 'e's layin' asleep inside of it as 
 innercent as a new-born with a 'ood over its 
 cradle to keep the draught off." 
 
 " Well, my dear, that's right enough," says 
 my father ; " but a fine strong girl like you 
 might 'ave kep' 'im quiet by other means, if 
 yer'd only 'ad presence o' mind. Now there 
 was 'Liza Bates the other night. 'Er man com- 
 in' in ragin' drunk and fit to murder 'er, she 'ad 
 the presence o' mind to fetch 'im one over the 
 'ead with the poker, she told me so 'erself.
 
 l6o A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 And 'e never moved a finger till next afternoon, 
 and 'as been kind o' quiet ever since." 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Britton," she says, "don't be for 
 makin' me out worse nor what I am. Yer 
 wouldn't 'ave me turn upon a pore unfortunate 
 cripple, would yer, and 'e nothink only one leg 
 to stand on } Acourse I could knock 'im over 
 by just liftin' my 'and, but where's the credit o' 
 that I should like to know ? No, indeed. You 
 bring me up that there Beamin' Nellie or one o' 
 them, and see me mark 'er ; but my pore 'us- 
 band, why, 'e aint 'ardly to be called a man, 
 'avin' nothink only a genius and a wooden leg. 
 Just set yer down a minute, Mr. Britton, and 
 Sam 'ud like to see yer. Yer'e quite a stranger 
 lately." 
 
 We could 'ear Sam callin' from the workshop, 
 and Amy takes 'im a zinc pail of water and a 
 bit of soap and 'alf a towel ; and she 'avin* 
 washed and dressed 'im, and put on 'is leg, 'e 
 comes in for 'is breakfast as was set out on the 
 drawers for want of a table, it standin' as fire- 
 wood in the corner, as I said. 'E looked much 
 as usual, white and 'ungry, with 'is two eyes 
 shinin' like the lights of a 'amsom cab. 
 
 " I'm afraid you find our room a little uncom- 
 fortable this mornin', Mr. Britton," 'e says. 
 " But I sometimes think yer may give up too 
 much for nothink only comfort. Last night I 
 wasn't what yer'd call comfortable, but I was 
 fair inspired, and now, even among all this dirt 
 and confusion, yer can't think 'ow 'appy I feel. 
 Amy, dear. I've got 'old on it ; I've found the 
 secret. It came over liie whiles I was with
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. l6l 
 
 Nellie last night ; and when yer'd put me to 
 bed, I went through it all over again in my 'ead 
 quite straight. The Invention's finished, dear ; 
 yus, as good as finished." 
 
 "That's good 'earin'," she says; "and 
 now drink luck to it whiles the tea's hot. It '11 
 do yer pore 'ead good." 
 
 " Yus," 'e says, settin' by the drawers, and 
 startin' on 'is breakfast, with 'is knees stuck 
 out on each side a corner of 'em, cos they 
 wouldn't go underneath same as under a table. 
 " Yus, it's all right in front now. It's a queer 
 thing 'ow these notions always come by busts." 
 
 " Yus, dear," she says, " it's the genius as 
 makes yer bust out. I always reckoned that." 
 
 " Yer see," he says to my father, " the diffi- 
 culty lay in the couplin' and uncouplin' of the 
 wind attachment. Yer don't want the organ 
 goin' the 'ole time. Yer '11 start off with the 
 planner, and after a bit yer '11 turn on the organ 
 part unbeknown, like an army of flutes and 
 trumpets comin' up in the distance. Or it may 
 be as yer '11 start wdth the organ, same as an 
 orchestrer in a concerto, and on a sudden the 
 planner '11 come trippin' in like the feet of a lot 
 o' fairies, distinct and light. And now the 
 thing's done. I could draw it for yer. Six 
 weeks' work, and it's finished." 
 
 " And what then ? " says my father. 
 
 " Oh, it don't matter what then ! " 'e said. 
 
 " Money in it ? " says my father. 
 
 " Oh, yus ! " 'e says, " thousands in it ! Not 
 as we wants more. We're 'appy enough, aint 
 we, Amy ? "
 
 I62 A MAN- OF GEXIUS. 
 
 " Lord love us, yus. I should 'ope so ! " says 
 Amy, puttin' a chair-leg on the fire, and tryin' 
 to pin up 'er dress as was split down the back, 
 from the placket-'ole to the 'em. " Not but 
 what, if there's thousands goin', we couldn't do 
 with a bit, if only to buy me a new umbereller." 
 
 "Well," 'e says, " it '11 be thousands as many 
 as yer can count. In a few weeks' time a little 
 money '11 be wanted to make a perfect model 
 and bring it out on the market. Everythink of 
 the best, all rosewood and bound with brass. 
 But only a matter of a 'undred pound or so." 
 
 " A 'undred pound } " says Amy, lookin' up 
 from tryin' to make a bent spoon 'old in place 
 of a catch on the door. " Mercy on us ! What 
 bhme rot '11 the man be talkin' next ? 'Ave 
 some more tea, dear, do now ! It '11 do your 
 pore 'ead good ; and it don't taste so bad, for 
 all you've got to drink it out of the spout o' the 
 tin tea-pot, through me 'avin' 'ad an accident 
 with the china last night." 
 
 " Oh, that amount of money aint nothink ! " 'e 
 says. " Why, I once knowed a man as saved 
 four 'undred out o' two pound a week by never 
 marryin'. But 'e died. And only a winter or 
 two back wasn't there a gen'leman as pocketed 
 a cool thousand by gettin' killed in a railway 
 accident with a lot of insurance tickets and news- 
 papers in 'is 'and ? What else 'ad 'e done for 
 the money beyond layin' out a shillin' and then 
 dyin' on the top of it ?. I can go one better nor 
 that, I should 'ope." 
 
 " Yer right," she says. " We'll get the money 
 easy enough so soon as it's wanted, never you
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 1 63 
 
 fret. It's 'avin' a genius as does it. When 
 yer've got a genius about in yer 'ouse, yer kind 
 o' get to feel as if Kingdom-come might come 
 any day o' the week, and nothink for you to do 
 but walk in, as easy as steppin' off the pier on 
 to a penny steamer." 
 
 After that the hours as Sam worked was 
 worse nor a tramcar's and no money for it, let 
 alone overtime. Nobody 'ardly didn't see 'im, 
 only when 'e'd start 'obblin' down the street late 
 at night, swingin 'is arms, and singin' a kind of 
 German band to 'isself. And at the end o' the 
 time 'e looked more like a frame-work nor an 
 ordinary filled-in bein'. And at last 'e give over 
 singin', and mouched along with 'is eyes on the 
 ground. And anybody could see as now was 
 the right time for that 'undred pound to show 
 itself, but it didn't seem in no 'urry. And some- 
 'ow 'e'd lost all spirit forbreakin' out. 'E never 
 touched a thing, and the girls might call after 
 'im all the words they could think on ; 'e didn't 
 give 'em scarcely a look. 
 
 And as to Amy, my mother says one night : 
 " That girl's gettin' a face on 'er same as if 
 she was goin' to 'ave a baby. But she aint. 
 It's nothink only that there bloomin' Invention 
 as is weighin' 'er down body and mind, and it's 
 a cruel shame, when it 'ud be less trouble to 
 'ave a big family, and cheaper too ; seein' as 
 Sam never turns a penny with it, nor never 
 
 Vv^ill." 
 
 But I didn't ever catch a sight of 'er till that 
 night I was tellin' on, when I find 'er down by 
 the dock-bridge in a corner, 'idin' from the
 
 l64 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 moonlight, and waitin', as was only natural to 
 suppose, to pay Sam out for 'is treatment of 'er 
 by carryin' on a bit 'erself. 
 
 After walkin' right through Wappin' and 
 meetin' with a mate or two, and tryin' to un- 
 lock the oars of a waterside boat and take a bit 
 of a row down the tide, I was mouchin' back, 
 maybe an hour or more later, when I 'ears 
 talkin' goin' on be'ind the palin's on the pier- 
 'ead. So lookin' through I see 'alf a dozen 
 men standin' with their 'eads bent together as 
 if gamblin' ; but I 'ear one on 'em say : 
 
 " Now she's a-comin' round." 
 
 " Not 'er," says somebody else ; " she aint 
 only startin' to do another dummy." 
 
 So me knowin' from this as somethink 'ad 
 'appened to make a woman queer, I crep' 
 through the gate, and got up to the men with- 
 out their never noticin'. And there in the 
 middle on 'em I could see Amy layin' straight 
 out on 'er back, and makin'a kind of puddle on 
 the stones with the drippin's as ran off 'er. 
 The peak-cap was still on 'er 'ead, bein' tied 
 under 'er chin by a string, and the bag was 
 still slung round 'er arm, and I see a bundle o' 
 newspapers stickin' out of 'er pocket. But 'er 
 stockin's 'ad come down over 'er boots, as were 
 all squashy with mud and water, and 'er bare 
 legs stuck out underneath 'er skirts, very white 
 and cold-lookin'. 
 
 "Why don't yer ' eave 'er in again.?" says 
 one of the men. " If she wants to drownd, let 
 'er drownd ; that's what I say." 
 
 " Yer right," says another ; " you take and
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS, 1 65 
 
 'eave 'er in, poor thing ! She wont know the 
 differ now, and it's 'er own wish." 
 
 " You 'old yer noise," says the dock watch- 
 man, as was kneelin' over 'er* and squeezin' the 
 water from 'is blue coat into 'er mouth, in 'opes 
 to bring 'er round ; " what yer sayin' aint the 
 law. " 
 
 " Oh, blast the law ! " says the fust of 'em. 
 " It's a free country, aint it ? What's the 
 bloomin' law got to do with us } " 
 
 " Yus," says the other ; " why shouldn't the 
 poor woman drownd, if she wants to ? She 
 oughter know what's the best for 'erself . What 
 did yer want interferin' with her for, just as 
 she'd got off comfortable ? " 
 
 The watchman didn't say nothink, but takes 
 off his drippin' coat and weskit, and spreads 
 'em over 'er legs. Then he tries to find a dry 
 bit of 'is shirt to wipe 'er face with. But 'e 
 couldn't do it. 
 
 " Ger on !" says the fust of 'em, " Why can't 
 yer let the bloomin' woman alone ? Come 
 along, Bill, you just cop 'old on her feet, and 
 me take 'er 'ead, and in she goes again like a 
 slung cat." 
 
 " Now you look 'ere," says the watchman, 
 seein' they made as if to take 'old on 'er, " you 
 just shut it, or in yer go yerselves, afore ever 
 yer can say Christ ! The woman's mine, and 
 you aint got no rights over 'er, seein' as it 
 wasn't you as laid 'old on 'er in the water. As 
 to 'er wantin' to drownd and not drowndin', it's 
 all 'er own bloomin' fault for 'ollerin" out just 
 as she was a-jumpin' off. It wasn't me as
 
 1 66 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 wanted to catch my death o' cold by gettin' wet 
 through to-night." 
 
 Just then Amy starts wrigglin' about, same as 
 a dead eel. And presently she sets up, and 
 stares round at us with a look to make yer 
 shiver. Whether she was wonderin' if we was 
 the angels or not, I dunno ; but I reckon the 
 other thing. 
 
 " There yer are now," says the men. " We 
 told yer 'ow it 'ud be. And now it's too late 
 to do no good with 'er. " 
 
 " I'll tell yer what we'd best do," says 
 another, " It's what was done with a female 
 as was 'auled out in Southwark last week, same 
 as this might be. They run 'er round to the 
 gas-works, and stuck 'er up in front of the 
 furnaces till she was pretty nigh baked to a 
 brick, mud on 'er and all. And as soon as 'er 
 very bones was dry as powder, they takes 'er 
 to the perlice-station, and she got a month 'ard, 
 to learn 'er out o' them little games. There 
 aint no gas-works 'ere about, but the station 
 aint fer." 
 
 " Please, sir," says I to the watchman, " I 
 'appen to know the lady, and where she lives is 
 close agen my 'ome." 
 
 " Common woman, or bad 'usband ? " 'e asks. 
 
 " 'Usband kind of uncertain," I says. 
 
 "Ger along ! " says the men. " You take 'er 
 to the station. Yer robbin' the law if yer take 
 'er 'ome." 
 
 " Yus," says the watchman, " I'm not jest 
 clear about the law of it. But maybe the law '11 
 wait till to-morrer, if she's took 'ome to-night.
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 1 67 
 
 Now, my dear, do yer think yer could jest try 
 and stand up if I put my arm round yer, and 
 no offense ? Steady, now ! All together, and 
 up she comes ! There's a beauty ! Don't yer 
 take on, my dear. Yer all right." 
 
 So we 'auled Amy on to 'er feet, same as yer 
 'eave up a 'orse when it's down, and it groans 
 and roars a bit, and then stands snuffin' and 
 turnin' its eyes about, just like Amy. So we 
 get on each side of 'er, and walk 'er up the bit 
 of 'ill into Shadwell and down our street, she 
 seemin' kind of dazed, and 'oldin' 'er 'ands up 
 in front of 'er face all the way, so as nobody 
 mightn't know 'er. And by good luck there 
 wasn't nobody about. 
 
 When we got to the 'ouse, I go in fust to 
 call Sam, and I found 'im standin' in 'is work- 
 shop with a pair o' plyers in 'is 'and, and lookin' 
 at the Inv^ention, as 'ad got a deal of inside put 
 into it by then. So I says : " Sam, 'ere's yer 
 wife brought back. She's gone and met with 
 an accident." 
 
 " Oh ! " 'e says, still with 'is eye on the Inven- 
 tion. "Accident.^ Really? Yer see, Jacko, 
 it's almost finished now. Money's all I want. 
 With a bare 'undred, I'd make it fit for 
 'eaven ! " 
 
 "Whether Amy's fit or not isn't for me to 
 say," I says ; " but she's almost been there, 
 without waitin' for no 'undred to take 'er." 
 
 At that minute we 'ear Amy's voice at the 
 outside door, and it was the fust time she'd 
 spoke since they 'auled 'er out of the river. 
 And she was sayin' : " I tell yer I won't go no
 
 l68 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 further. I'll take off my things 'ere, so as not 
 to mess the place." 
 
 " It's as yer like, my dear," says the watch- 
 man. " Yer'e no more concern o' mine, now 
 as I've put yer under care of yer legal 'usband. 
 Only, if yer was my old woman, my advice 'ud 
 be go to bed warm and take a drop of some- 
 think 'ot. And that's what I'm goin to do 
 for myself ; so, wishing yer good-night, I'll take 
 the liberty o' callin' round to inquire in the 
 mornin'." 
 
 With that the men went away, and takin' 
 the light out o' the workshop, I brought Sam 
 to the door. And there we see Amy still 
 drippin' big drops now and then, and 'er face 
 and 'ands all smeared with mud and slime. 
 She was takin' off 'er skirt and bodice, and she 
 asks me to bring out a bench and 'elp with 'er 
 boots and 'er stockin's, and rub 'er naked feet 
 in my 'ands. And Sam kep' startin' at 'er and 
 sayin' fust one thing and then another, but she 
 took no kind of notice of 'im, till she'd wrung 
 out the one petticoat she kep' on, and comin' 
 barefoot into the room in that and 'er stays, 'ad 
 set 'er other things on the sink to drip, and 
 stuck 'er 'ands and 'ead under the tap, and 
 dried 'er 'air as best she could. Then she 
 stands in front of the fire, and looks round the 
 room and at the bundle of newspapers as 'ad 
 fell out of her pocket on the floor, and then she 
 puts 'er cold arm round Sam's neck and fair 
 bu'sts out cryin'. 
 
 " It aint no manner o' good, dear," she says, 
 speakin' with sobs and long gaps between.
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 1 69 
 
 " We aint a step nearer it nor what we was 
 before. No, it wasn't no matter o' slippin' in, 
 nor I wasn't shoved neither. Yer see, dear, it 
 came all along of that insurance money as yer 
 told us the man pocketed by gettin' killed, 
 jest yer look at ^em there now! That there 
 cap in the sink, with a string to keep it on my 
 'ead, was a-goin' to bring me twenty pound. 
 It's advertised, and the ticket's pinned inside of 
 it. And in that there bag there's lots of bits of 
 things as would 'ave made up five pound to- 
 gether. And the best of all's them papers. 
 The six on 'em's worth four 'undred pound to 
 any man or woman as 'ad the good luck to die 
 readin' of 'em.. Nigh on five 'undred pound 
 I'd got on me, one thing with another, and I'd 
 paid four and ninepence 'alfpenny down for the 
 lot, and all for nothink ! Four and nine clean 
 chucked away ! Let alone my dress and boots 
 as '11 never come right again. No, yer may 
 say what yer like, they won't never look decent, 
 and I got none others. And nigh on five 'un- 
 dred pound clean gone, too ! Why, it 'ud 'ave 
 been enough for five Inventions, wouldn't it, 
 dear.? " 
 
 " Never you mind for that, darlin'," 'e says, 
 speakin' gentle. " Maybe we'll think on some 
 other way of gettin' the money yet. And while 
 you was out to-night, I made another bit of a 
 discovery — a grand improvement it '11 be, too ! 
 So yer see it's all the same in the end, and I've 
 got you into the bargain." 
 
 " No, it aint all the same," she says. " I 
 don't care what yer've got, me nor nothink else.
 
 I70 A MAN OF GENIUS. 
 
 It's the Invention I'm thinkin' on. 'Ovv's we to 
 get a 'undred pound now, let alone five, I ask 
 yer ? Oh, yer needn't never think I was jest 
 doin' of it to pleasure you. I've done enough 
 by way o' pleasurin' you already, as yer know 
 very well. ' No,' I says to myself, ' never you 
 mind for 'im. The Invention's the thing to be 
 thought on.' But now I dursn't go through 
 with it again. No, I dursn't ! So yer won't be 
 for askin' it of me, will yer, Sam } It's all over 
 and the Invention not a step forrarder. And 
 now what '11 we do for the money } I never did 
 'ave no luck same as most people. With luck, 
 you'd 'ave been worth five 'undred at this 
 moment, and 'ave been waitin' for me to come 
 in to bed, and me at the bottom of the river, 
 without you knowin' nothink about it." 
 
 " Don't you be talking about luck," 'e says. 
 " I've 'eard say it's a deal better to 'ave genius, 
 same as me. But now I just want to finish off 
 a point or two in my new improvement. Oh, it's 
 a treat ! you'll see." 
 
 " Yus, dear," she says. " I'll come and 'ave 
 a look to-morrer. Only I did 'ave it in my 
 mind to ask yer if yer couldn't some'ow 
 manage to give up some o' them girls now — 
 that Beamin' Nellie leastways, and the one or 
 two as knows me. Now couldn't yer .^ I've 
 been right down to 'ell for yer, and it aint no 
 fault o' mine as ever I come back. And that's 
 a bloomin' sight more nor any o' them's done, 
 up to now, anyways." 
 
 "Oh, acourse, acourse ! " 'e says. "You're 
 never goin' to mind for a girl more or less, are
 
 A MAN OF GENIUS. 11 1 
 
 yer, dear ? Nothink o' that don't matter, so 
 long as we get the Invention out. Oh, it '11 be 
 grand ! you see." 
 
 So he shut 'isself up in 'is workshop. And 
 I'd just finished wringin' the clo's over again 
 at the sink, and scrapin' off the mud wnth an 
 old knife, and settin' the boots to dry. Then 
 I ask 'er if there wasn't nothink else I could do 
 to oblige. And she starts cryin' a bit again, 
 and says : 
 
 " No, thank yer, Jacko, dear. I must take off 
 the rest of my things, and make up the bed 
 'ere, I s'pose. But fust I'll just make myself a 
 cup o' tea, and I got plenty o' that, there bein' 
 a full pound o' fust-class thirteen-penny in that 
 there bag, with an insurance ticket lastin' for a 
 fortnight, if it so 'appen my body gets found 
 with it on me. But I doubt the water's rather 
 took the syrup out of it, Thames water bein' 
 good for the makin' of tea, through bein' so 
 sorft. But sorft or 'ard, oh, my soul, Jacko, it's 
 uncommon cold ! " 
 
 So I get the packet of tea out of that bag for 
 'er, and it was all soppy and brown. Then I 
 set the kettle boilin', and she says good-night 
 very sweet to me, and I come away. 
 
 Next mornin' the watchman come, and Sam 
 promised 'im eighteen-pence so soon as the In- 
 vention was finished, for 'is trouble in 'aulin' 
 Amy out. 
 
 " There aint many women 'ud do them things 
 for their 'usbands," says my mother. " Yer see 
 it all comes of 'is 'avin' a genius, and it's that 
 as makes 'im interestin'. But 'er doin' such
 
 172 A MAN OF GEN/ US. 
 
 things seems likely to run into a deal o' money, 
 and no mistake, when yer come to reckon it 
 up." 
 
 " Yer right," said my father. " But if she'd 
 really got drownded with all that on 'er, why, 
 she'd *ave just about broke the bank." 
 
 " Instead of which she'll get three weeks 
 'ard," says old Warner, as was uncommon 
 knowin' about the law. " Comin' along, I see 
 the perlice and dock-foreman walkin' 'er off to 
 take before the beak for trespassin' on the 
 Dock property with intent to do herself grievous 
 bodily 'arm." 
 
 But the magistrate let 'er off with a caution, 
 tellin' 'er it wouldn't be no good 'er doin' it 
 again, cos the insurance money wouldn't be 
 paid at the end of it all. So she goes back to 
 work, and Sam goes on still plannin' away at 
 the Invention, same as before.
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 •ffn tbe Spring. 
 
 S I was just sayin', there aint nobody 
 in our part as knows so much about 
 the law as what old Warner does, 
 we not 'avin' a great lot of criminals. 
 'E 'as seen more cases nor the biggest judge, 
 let alone magistrate. And if 'e 'ears of any- 
 body doin' anythink, such as sneakin' bits o* 
 staircase for firewood, or knockin' down a 
 woman, 'e'U fix the exact sentence to it right 
 off without carin' to stop 'earin' witnesses, they 
 bein' nothink but waste o' time unless when 
 yer wants to 'ave a game with the perlice. But 
 to 'ear old Warner say " Three months 'ard " 
 when 'e's told 'ow one on us 'as been breakin' 
 out again is enough to give yer the shivers. 
 And when Maudie Davis 'ad a little baby by 
 chance, and took and drownded it in a basin, to 
 listen to 'im passin' sentence o' death on 'er 
 straight away down to " mercy on yer soul," 
 near stretched all the women out faintin', more 
 especial as we could 'ear Maudie totterin' up 
 and down, up and down, on the floor over our 
 'eads, and we knowed she was carryin' the dead 
 infant about and tryin' to nurse it. And the 
 way old Warner got to know such a lot about
 
 174 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 the law was from mostly always settin' in the 
 Perlice Court, barrin* when 'e follered the cases 
 up to Sessions. 'E's a big man, sixty or there- 
 about, always dressed uncommon decent, and 
 clean shaved. And 'e 'as a mop of curly gray 
 'air, as 'e'd like well enough to be took for a 
 judge's wig, 'cos the law is 'is perfessional in- 
 terest, 'e 'avin' no children, and 'is wife keepin' 
 'im by workin' all day makin' up slippers for a 
 big firm at seven farthings the pair. 
 
 'E's rather partial to tellin' the story 'ow 'e 
 fust come to be mixed up with the law. It was 
 all along of 'is bein' jealous of 'is wife, she 
 'avin' been carryin' on with the ground-floor, 
 whiles old Warner, 'e bein' young then, was 
 drivin' round in a baker's cart. So when 'e 
 finds it out, 'e just shifts 'is things, and leaves 
 'er alone. And she 'auls 'im up afore the 
 Court for desertin' of 'er. And I've many a 
 time 'card 'im tell my father 'ow queer it was to 
 be stood up in the middle of the Court, and 'im 
 not know a mortal soul there, exceptin' only 
 for 'is wife, and she agen 'im, and the lawyers 
 all askin' all manner of questions at 'er, as any 
 man worth callin' would 'ave knocked 'em 
 down for askin' 'is wife outside of a Court, 
 And it didn't seem to 'im some'ow right as they 
 two, knowin' such a lot of each other, should 
 be standin' up in that crowd of strangers, and 
 they not on the same side like decent man-and- 
 wife prisoners 'ad up for stealin' or some such. 
 Then 'e thinks to 'isself : " If this 'ere case 
 goes agen me, so much the worse. And if it 
 goes for me, so much the worse too, me 'avin'
 
 IN THE SPRING. 175 
 
 only proved as the ground-floor man's got 'old 
 on 'er." And that was more nor 'e could abide, 
 they not long bein' married and all. So in the 
 middle of the vvitnessin' 'e plucks up 'eart, and 
 says : 
 
 " Please, yer worship, I withdraw the 
 charge." 
 
 "But, my good man," says the beak, "the 
 charge lies agen yer." 
 
 " No, it don't, beggin' yer worship's pardon," 
 'e says ; " leastways not my reason for desertin' 
 of 'er." 
 
 With that the woman, settin' on the witness- 
 bench, starts cryin', and says : " Oh, Ted, Ted, 
 that's just what I been sayin' at 'em all along, 
 as I got yer took up for nothink only to clear 
 myself. And sure enough I'll be true to yer, 
 Ted, to my dyin' day, I will, if yer '11 only for- 
 give me, and clear me o' the charge." 
 
 So there wasn't nothink more to be done but 
 to dismiss the summons, and old Warner says 
 it was grand to see 'ow wild the lawyers was at 
 the case comin' to an end without provin' no 
 crime nowheres. 
 
 But some'ow after that 'e couldn't get the 
 Court out of 'is 'ead, and if ever 'e got a spare 
 time 'e'd be sure to drop in and take a look at 
 the prisoner, just so as to wonder what the man 
 or woman must be feelin' like. And 'is wife 
 didn't mind 'im goin' 'cos it always kep' 'im in 
 mind of their makin' it up, and 'e'd come back 
 from the Court almost as civil as if they was just 
 startin' again. So bit by bit, what with 'er 
 bein' so fond of 'im, and takin' in work to make
 
 176 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 'im more comfortable, 'e got to give up workin' 
 for 'isself, and made the law 'is perfession, same 
 as a gen'leman might do ; goin' reg'lar to 'ear 
 the cases in the Court, if so 'appen 'e felt 
 minded, as was most days of the week. And 
 by reason of 'is standin' the coppers somethink 
 now and then, they let 'im set down just outside 
 the public dock, and in time 'e came to look as 
 much a part of that Court as the lion and uni- 
 corn over the magistrate's chair ; and 'e thought 
 'isself quite as needful for the supportin' of the 
 law. Besides we found 'im very useful for 
 bringin' round the news if any of our people's 
 friends should 'appen to get into misfortune, and 
 in keepin' an eye on their trial if we couldn't go 
 owin' to work, and in bringin' in the fust tidin's 
 of their sentence. And sometimes 'e'd be 
 called on in Court to speak a good word for the 
 prisoner, if 'e was personal acquainted. And 
 everybody said as 'ow after old Warner 'ad give 
 the Court 'is views on a case, the beak, for the 
 sake of 'is own reputation, wouldn't dare to take 
 no different. 
 
 Well, it was Tuesday after Whitsun, and we 
 was 'angin' about with breakfast, wonderin' if 
 anybody 'ud be such a fool as go back to work 
 at our places. Only my father 'adn't no call to 
 wonder, seein' 'e was on a fitter's job at 'Am- 
 mersmith, and titters and painters never does 
 go back till the Wednesday after an 'oliday, 
 'cos they takes Mondays off pretty near all the 
 year round, and it wouldn't be fair on 'em to 
 get no extry 'oliday same as other folks at 
 Whitsun and such times. And I'd just said 'ow
 
 IN THE SPRING. 177 
 
 poor it seemed to go to work after drivin' down 
 on the Monday to my aunt's at Barkin' to exer- 
 cise a 'orse and trap lent us by the greengrocer. 
 And my mother was sayin' that's why she 
 didn't 'old with 'olidays ; they bein' like nothink 
 but drippin' a 'alf dead fish in the water to keep 
 'im fresh, when on a sudden old Warner busts 
 in, and says : 
 
 " 'Ere's old Groun'sel lagged at last ! tres- 
 passin', not exackly in pursuit of game, seein' it 
 was in a widder's tenement, but with unlawful 
 intent. Twenty shillin's or a calendar month ! " 
 
 All on us knowed old Groun'sel well enough, 
 for all nobody couldn't call to mind ever 'avin' 
 'eard 'is real name, whatever it was. 'E was a 
 ragged old bloke with lots of gray beard and 
 'air, never wearin' a 'at, and always lookin' as 
 if 'e was just goin' to fall in pieces, legs and 
 arms, coat and trouseys and all, 'E seemed to 
 be never comin' from nowhere, nor yet goin' 
 nowhere else. And nobody never knowed 'ow 
 it was 'e come to be 'ankin' about Shadwell, 'e 
 bein' by nature born to live in Bethnal Green or 
 'Oxton, seein' as a bird was 'is one fancy, and 
 sellin' bird-food 'is purtikler way of not makin' 
 no money, same as the law was to old Warner. 
 So in one street or other down our way you 
 might lay you'd 'ear 'im all day long, goin' back 
 and forward, first on one side the road, and 
 then on the other, and croakin' out " Any 
 groun'sel, any groun'sel," in a kind o' voice as 
 if 'is throat wanted sweepin' very bad. Some- 
 times 'e'd stick in one court all day long, just 
 goin' up and down, cryin' 'is groun'sel. And
 
 178 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 it's my belief 'e tliought 'e was walkin' miles 
 and miles all the time. And in summer, if 'e 
 'appen to go out in Creepin' Jeannies or water- 
 cress, through 'avin' nicked some in the country, 
 'e'd still go on callin', " Any groun'sel, any 
 groun'sel," just the same. And one of 'is arms 
 was all twisted and scarred and shriveled up, 
 same as if it *ad been a skinned rabbit 'alf 
 roasted, but nobody didn't know the cause why. 
 Only when we was kids, we'd used to try and 
 get a sight on it, 'cos it looked 'orrible enough 
 to make yer sick. As for 'is livin' place, there 
 was a kind of empty coal-'ouse 'alf under- 
 ground in a court runnin' up from the fish- 
 market way, as was said by some to be 'is 
 home, leastways in winter-time. But nobody 
 couldn't rightly know, seein' as 'e paid no rent, 
 and was out in the mornin' before anybody else, 
 and many a time, we 'avin' all got to bed, I'v^e 
 'eard 'im gruntin', " Any groun'sel, any groun'- 
 sel," up and down our street, as if 'e thought 
 likely anybody 'ud get out of their beds to buy. 
 'E carried 'is groun'sel or creases or whatever 
 green stuff it might be in an old sack slung 
 over 'is shoulder, and just kep' steady by 'is 
 withered arm. And in the other 'and 'e mostly 
 'eld a little wooden cage with a young black- 
 bird or a lark in it, or somethink o' that, as 'e 
 was nursin' up to sell — or maybe let go again, 
 'e bein' loony enough for nothink. 
 
 So old Groun'sel wasn't no stranger by sight, 
 we seein' 'im always shufflin' about, and the 
 kids baitin' 'im for wearin' no 'at, for all some 
 on 'em was frightened at 'im through the look
 
 IN THE SPRING. 179 
 
 of 'is milky-blue eyes as kep' starin' as if lookin' 
 at somethink not the same as what 'e really 
 see. Nobody else wasn't frightened at 'im any 
 longer, seern' 'e'd been so 'armless ever since 
 most was born. But there aint many in our 
 part fools enough to want to lay out money on 
 groun'sel and jeannies. And as for creases, 
 yer can't always be buyin' 'em, 'owever 'ole- 
 some, no more nor a gen'leman can't always 
 be buyin' lights. So it 'ad come to be the 
 women's way to give 'im a bit 'ere and a bit 
 there, as might 'appen, to eat goin' along. 
 And my mother said she'd not begrudge 'im so 
 long as 'e continned be'avin' decent, seein' as 'e 
 was the only what you'd call reg'lar workin' 
 beggar in our part. 
 
 " But I'm not denyin'," she went on, " as 'e's 
 maybe more suitable for the 'Ouse or the cime- 
 terry either." 
 
 " And what I want to know is," says Mrs. 
 Simon, " what's the good o' men like that 
 'aving Guardians o' the Poor set over 'em, if 
 they don't lock 'im up ? " 
 
 But all that springtime before Easter, old 
 Groun'sel 'ad got to look worse off nor ever 
 before. 'Is voice turned more croaky, and 'is 
 coat, by reason of the 'oles, must 'ave been 
 'arder to get in and out of, if 'e ever tried. 'Is 
 trouseys didn't do all the things as trouseys is 
 meant for. There was more skin nor leather 
 to be seen on 'is feet. And 'e seemed to be 
 kind of shrinkin' together, doublin' in over 'is 
 stomick, as if to keep it tight and warm. And 
 seein' 'e couldn't 'ardly shuffle along, the kids
 
 l8o IN THE SPRING. 
 
 Started mobbin' 'im worse nor ever, 'oundin' 
 after 'im, and nickin' 'is green-stulY. But 'e 
 took no more notice of 'em nor what a dead 
 corpse takes of a copper when 'e tells it to 
 move on. 
 
 One day my father, goin' out in the rain to 
 give 'im a bit of bread and butter, sees as 'e 
 'adn't got the bird with 'im as 'e'd been carry- 
 in' about in a cage for nigh on a year. So 'e 
 says : " 'Ullo, Groun'sel, where's yer bloomin' 
 thrush } " 
 
 " Returned to Nature, same as the rest on 
 us '11 return," says old Groun'sel. 
 
 " Dead ? " says my father. 
 
 " And eaten," says 'e. 
 
 " Cage and all ? " says my father. ' 
 
 " Cage cooked 'im," says 'e. 
 
 " And what's to eat now ? " says my father. 
 
 " Groun'sel," says 'e. 
 
 " That's poor livin', that is," saj-s my father, 
 wishin' to cheer 'im up. 
 
 " No," 'e says, " Nature makes nothink su- 
 perfloous, and groun'sel's very advantageous 
 for a weak stomick, more especial if over-full. 
 Don't yer be sayin' nothink agen Nature." 
 
 With that 'e went away, takin' the bit of 
 bread, as usual, same as if it was 'is born right, 
 and never so much as a thank yer spoken. 
 
 So when old Warner brings the news as 
 Groun'sel was up for burglary in a widder's 
 'ouse, all on 'em said as they'd knowed all 
 along there must be somethink wrong with 'im, 
 or 'e'd never 'ave gone croakin' about all them 
 years like a misfortunate bird. And my father
 
 IN THE SPRING. l8l 
 
 said as bein' 'oliday time, 'e didn't mind if 'e 
 went to tiie Court along with old Warner to 
 'ear the case tried, and p'r'aps speak a good 
 word for the old feller, seein' e'd been copped at 
 last, and nobody knowed when 'is own time 
 mightn't come for wantin' a good word spoke 
 for 'im. Then 'e tells me to turn up work for 
 that day, and we all three start off together for 
 the Perlice Court, 
 
 Seein' we'd mostly 'ad three days' 'oliday, 
 and three nights to enjoy ourselves in, the long 
 passage up to the Court entrance was fair 
 packed with what old Warner called " as- 
 saults " — these bein' women mostly, their 'eads 
 or eyes or jaws tied up in white rag, put on so 
 as to let the blood show through as fer as 
 might be. And they was all talkin' and 
 shoutin' like Members of Parliament, and com- 
 parin' their symptoms. And by reason of 
 everybody 'avin' put on their best clo's and 
 'ats to prosecute in, yer might 'ave took the 
 passage for a place of worship by the look of 
 it, only for a copper jumpin* out every minute 
 like a bull-dog, and screamin': " Be quiet, be 
 quiet ! " But seein' old Warner with us, the 
 coppers let us straight into Court, and there w^e 
 stood hour after hour while the beak was clearin' 
 off the assaults. And old Warner goes fast 
 asleep on 'is own bit of bench, the same as any 
 judge, 'cos 'e says them sort o' cases wasn't 
 only 'uman nature, and didn't give no call for 
 the knowledge of the law. 
 
 But so soon as the last woman 'ad done up 
 'er bandages after showin' the gaps where 'er
 
 1 82 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 teeth had been when the 'oHdays started, the 
 magistrate says 'e'd take on one more case 
 afore the Court adjourned for their lunches. 
 And then old Groun'sel is set in the dock with 
 'is own special copper to keep 'old on 'im. Not 
 as 'e wanted much 'oldin', 'e lookin' for all the 
 world like a work'us ghost caught wanderin' 
 about by daylight through not bein' able to 
 find its right grave among the rest o' the 
 paupers, 'avin' forgot 'is number. So I woke 
 old Warner, and we all started listenin'. 
 
 Fust of all a copper was sworn, and speakin' 
 like a school-teacher readin' a book, through 
 bein' so used to it, 'e says : " K 076. I was on 
 duty this mornin', yer worship, between one 
 and two, at the corner of Dora Street, Lime- 
 'ouse, and I 'ears a winder go up, and the pros- 
 ecutrix she sticks 'er 'ead out, and screams 
 there was a man in the 'ouse. I go to the 
 door, and find the lower winder 'ad been shove 
 open through the pane of glass above the bolt 
 bein' broke. Goin' upstairs I discover the 
 prisoner on the landin' opposite the bedroom 
 door, as was 'alf open and a light shinin' 
 through. The prosecutrix, bein' very excited, 
 complains as 'e'd come there to rob 'er, and 
 she gives 'im in charge. 'E didn't make no 
 resistance. On the railin's outside I find a sack 
 containin' green leaves and things, as 'e asks to 
 be allowed to carry with 'im, sayin' it was all 'is 
 worldly wealth. At the Station nothink wasn't 
 found on 'im only a large bit of 'edge covered 
 over with white flowers as is called May, yer 
 worship, and 'e'd kep' 'old on it with one 'and
 
 IN THE SPRING. 1 83 
 
 the 'ole time. Both parties were entirely 
 sober." 
 
 " Any questions } " says the magistrate to 
 old Groun'sel. But 'e didn't take no notice, 
 seemin', as 'is way is, to be lookin' at some- 
 think fer off, and kind of smilin' to 'isself like 
 one silly. 
 
 Then the prosecutrix was called, and was 
 rubbed down with the book, as is usual for mak- 
 in' people tell the 'ole truth. She was a decent 
 lookin' old body, got up as a widder, only for 
 'avin' some lilac flowers in 'er bonnet. She 
 didn't look near so old as Groun'sel, p'r'aps 
 through bein kind of fattish and rosy in the 
 face, and 'avin' dark brown 'air brushed very 
 smooth with grease down each side of 'er fore- 
 head. She was wearin' a pair of black cotton 
 gloves as she kep' puUin' off and on while 
 givin' 'er evidence, and now and then she'd take 
 a look at three gold rings as she wore on 'er 
 weddin' finger. And all the time she was in 
 the box old Groun'sel kep' on starin' at 'er, as 
 if ' e could some'ow see somethink different 
 from 'erself in the middle of 'er. And all the 
 time she never looked once at 'im, but only at 
 'er 'ands. 
 
 She give 'er name as Mary Whitmore, widder, 
 three times married, and left comfortable. 
 Then she told much the same story as the 
 copper, sayin' 'ow she was woke up by the 
 breakin' of the winder-glass in the room below, 
 just as she'd got nicely off to sleep in 'er bed. 
 So she reached out and lighted 'er candle. 
 And next thing she 'ears the prisoner knock at
 
 1 84 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 'er bedroom door, and make as if 'e was comin' 
 in. But instead of that 'e stood there callin' to 
 'er by 'er name, as was Mary. So she fust 
 peeped out at the door to make sure, and sees 
 him standin' with the flowers in 'is 'and. And 
 at sight of that she rushes to the winder and 
 screams for the perHce. Then she takes the 
 two pound ten as was 'idden away in one o' the 
 drawers, and creeps under the bed with it, till 
 she 'eard the constable on the landin'. 
 
 Up to that she'd done nothink but answer 
 the questions as was put by the lawyer-boy 
 settin' at the table and takin' down the cases. 
 But now the beak 'isself put in ; " You was 
 afraid of bein' robbed, I suppose } " 
 
 "Yus, my lord, or burgled, or 'Eaven only 
 knows what, with a man loose in the 'ouse, and 
 two pound ten on my person." 
 
 " Do you think it's the 'abit of burglars to 
 walk up the stairs, knock at yer bedroom door, 
 and call yer Mary, they 'oldin' flowers in their 
 'ands ? " 
 
 At this all the men looked at each other, 
 and nodded, as much as to say, " '^'s all 
 right ! " 
 
 " I'm not for settin' up agen yer lordship for 
 knowledge o' burglars," says she ; " but I 'ave 
 'eard they're uncommon artful are burglars, 
 same as perlice, more especial in their dealin's 
 with females." 
 
 " Did yer say anythink to the prisoner whiles 
 'e was on yer landin' ? " 
 
 " So soon as the constable 'ad took good 
 'old on 'im, I come out from under the bed
 
 IN THE SPRING. 1 85 
 
 where I was layin', and I told him 'e was the 
 biggest scoundrel on the face o' the earth." 
 
 We all looked at old Groun'sel. 'E didn't 
 seem to be 'earin' what she was sa^an', but no- 
 body couldn't 'elp but laugh. " If 'e's the 
 biggest scoundrel on it," whispers my father, 
 " the face o' the earth aint got no cause to 
 fret." 
 
 " And you still think the prisoner entered yer 
 'ouse for the purpose of robbin' you } " asks the 
 magistrate. 
 
 "What else for?" she says, "me 'avin' 
 money and 'im none." 
 
 •' 'Ow did 'e know yer name was Mary } " 
 
 "That's the name as I've always been called 
 by." 
 
 " Then 'e knew you before ? " 
 
 " Well, I s'pose I may say 'e kind o' knowed 
 me." 
 
 " And you knew 'im } " 
 
 " No, not exackly what yer might call know- 
 in', so to speak ; leastways not this long time 
 back." 
 
 " 'Ow long ? " 
 
 " Oh, maybe it's a matter of twelve or fifteen 
 year, when I was quite a girl." 
 
 Again the men looked at each other and 
 laughed. 
 
 " That's a good un ! " they said. 
 
 " And you've not seen 'im since ? " said the 
 magistrate. 
 
 " Why acourse, I've seen 'im maybe a time or 
 or two about the place, but not to what yer 
 might call know 'im."
 
 1 86 7,V THE SPRING. 
 
 " Why not to know 'im ? " 
 
 "Well, my lord, yer see all my 'usbands ave 
 been in what yer might call a different station 
 of life to what 'e was — they bein' kind of 
 superior, as was only natural," 
 
 " Then you can't think of no reason for the 
 prisoner comin' to yer 'ouse, except for bur- 
 glary ? " 
 
 " What other reason could there be ? " she 
 said again, " me bein' comfortable off, and 'im 
 not — more especial at one o'clock in the 
 mornin'." 
 
 " Any question to ask the witness ? " says the 
 magistrate, turnin' to the prisoner. 
 
 Then old Groun'sel seemed to wake up for a 
 minute and said : " I should like to ask 'er if 
 she knowed 'oo I was when I fust called ' Mary ' 
 at 'er door ? " 
 
 "Well, my lord," she says, " I should like to 
 2iskyou \v\\3.\. you'd do if you was a poor widder 
 layin' alone, and a man came bustin' through 
 yer winders, and standin' outside yer bedroom 
 in the middle o' the night and callin' yer 
 names ? " 
 
 " Yoti must answer the question," says the 
 magistrate. " Did you know 'im, or did you 
 not ? " 
 
 " Oh, p'r'aps I thought it might be 'im as 
 likely as anybody else." 
 
 " Now, do answer. Did you know 'im ? " 
 
 " Well then, yus ; I s'pose it might be said 
 as I did, if it's put so barefaced as what that 
 comes to." 
 
 " Any other question } " asked the magistrate.
 
 IN THE SPRING. 1 87 
 
 But old Groun'sel seemed to be thinkin' of 
 somethink else, and never answered. 
 
 " Any witnesses on yer be'alf or anythink to 
 say? " the magistrate asked again. 
 
 Then old Groun'sel looked at 'im full, and 
 started talkin' in a quiet, sleepy kind o' voice, 
 such as nobody 'adn't 'eard 'im talk in before. 
 
 " Yer see," 'e said, " my witnesses is all on 
 'em dead, by reason of its bein' nigh on forty 
 year since that Whitsun as I'm thinkin' on, 
 All on 'em dead, only for the woman there and 
 me; but we was 'appy enough that day. I'm 
 not sayin' it was any way different from any 
 ordinary Whitsun 'oliday, but some'ow it's got 
 stuck in my 'ead, and every Whitsun it kind o' 
 comes back, me forgettin' it right enough be- 
 tween whiles. There was me and Bob Stevens 
 and Jemmy Grogan, with three girls, 'er bein' one. 
 And by reason of 'er bein' the prettiest, we'd 
 tossed for 'er and I won 'er fair, the coin comin' 
 down woman for me each time. So we all on 
 us went down to Eppin' Forest, as was further 
 off then nor what it is now, unless yer walk 
 it, but me not mindin' 'ow fer it was with 'er 
 settin' on my knee. And it was the fust time 
 as ever I got a girl to go out with me ; so 
 p'r'aps that's why it's stuck in my 'ead. So all 
 day we set about in the forest, talkin' and 
 laughin' and playin' at things, and 'avin' things 
 to eat and drink. But about sunsettin', what 
 with it bein' very 'ot weather, and the others 
 wanderin' off to make love by theirselves, me 
 and 'er we got left alone, and through losin' of 
 the road v/e was kep' alone till long after it
 
 1 88 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 turned dark. But we never minded for that, 
 goin' along together wherever we could catch 
 sight of a bit of a path, and beginnin' to make 
 love, as was nothink but natural. And all the 
 thorn bushes was fair white with the May, and 
 through the air bein' so still and warm in the 
 evenin', the smell of it was layin' thick all over 
 the forest like a sweet-smellin' mist." 
 
 " There, that '11 do ! " says the magistrate. 
 " That seems to account for the prosecutrix 
 and you gettin' acquainted ; but it 'as no connec- 
 tion with last night, and I must ask you to be 
 quick, if you please." 
 
 But in place of 'urryin' up, old Groun'sel, as 
 'ad been runnin' along quite smooth up to then, 
 seemed to lose 'isself again, and started speakin' 
 by bits. 
 
 " Yer see," 'e says, " it was all along o' me 
 eatin' that thrush, as I cherished up from the 
 nest. The eatin' o' that bird was agen Nature ; 
 and do as yer will, Nature's sure to cop 'old on 
 yer at the last. People some'ow seemed to 
 leave off takin' their opportunities of showin' 
 kindness in givin' me anythink. And you may 
 lay it was the bird stickin' in my stomick as made 
 'em think I wasn't 'ungry, seein' as not even 
 groun'sel aint no good to rid yer of a singin'- 
 bird in yer inside. Nature tells us 'ow, if yer've 
 eat a song-bird, it goes on singin' in yer stomick 
 as long as yer can keep alive with it. Yus, and 
 I 'eard that there bird singin* as if it 'ad worked 
 its way right up into my 'ead. So people didn't 
 think to give me nothink by reason of me 'avin' 
 eat my thrush. And I went 'ungry all the time,
 
 IN THE SPRING. 1 89 
 
 nobody thinkin' what a chance 'e was lettin' 
 go by of recompensing me for my studyin' of 
 Nature. There's two books — one printed, one 
 not. Nature's the unprinted book, and all my 
 life I've studied in it. That's where it is I've 
 come to know the advantageous 'abits of 
 groun'sel and such. So I was in the Forest 
 yesterday evenin' gatherin' up my plants, and 
 on a sudden there comes over me the smell o' 
 the May, layin' thick like a sweet-smellin' mist, 
 the air bein' still and warm. All smells is 
 good for the memory, but there aint no smell in 
 the world so good for it as the smell of the 
 May. So I says to myself : ' Every time as you 
 smell that there May, you kind 0' seem to go 
 back to that Whitsun with Mary, as then was. 
 Now, it bein' like that with you, aint it likely 
 enough as she'd go back after the same man- 
 ner.^ If she got a smell o' the May, p'r'aps 
 she'd call you to mind, for all you bein' a bit 
 older nor what you was then.' That's what I 
 call Nature's teachin'. Nature made the smell 
 o' the May, and my doctrine is as Nature don't 
 make nothink superfloous. What's more, I'd 
 'eard say as females keeps up more tenderer 
 kind o' feelin's nor the likes o' you and me. 
 And thirty or forty years aint much to call to 
 mind when you've lived through 'em, nor yer 
 don't feel so much different at the end on 'em 
 neither. So I just walked back as I stood, and 
 knovvin' as females keeps a tender 'eart, more 
 purtikler at night, bein' so made by Nature, 
 as don't make nothink superfloous, neither 
 females nor nothink else, I just went straight
 
 igo IN THE SPRING. 
 
 up to where she was, 'oldui' on to a bit o' May, 
 in the 'ope as the smell on it 'ud make 'er call 
 me to mind, as is a thing as Nature learned me, 
 seein' she " 
 
 " One minute," said the magistrate. " Let 
 me ask one question before you continue. I 
 ask the prosecutrix if she still wishes to press 
 this charge." 
 
 " Well, my lord," says the widder, standin' 
 up, " yer see, this is 'ow it is. All I'm askin' 
 for is the purtection of the law agen any old 
 lunatic comin' and disturbin' me in my own 
 bed at the middle o' the night, whether it be 
 to take my money or to talk a lot of 'is non- 
 sense about makin' love, and me a widder of 
 three 'usbands, as 'as always kep' 'erself re- 
 spectable." 
 
 " O Mary," says old Groun'sel, " yer know 
 perfectly well I didn't never come to talk love- 
 makin' nor nothink o' that, seein' as I don't 
 act superfloous no more nor what Nature 
 does. Only I did 'ope as yer might p'r'aps 'ave 
 give me a bit o' somethink to eat, me bein' 
 'ungry, and you smellin' the May." 
 
 "Any previous convictions?" asked the 
 magistrate of the warder. 
 
 •' No, yer worship." 
 
 " Anything known as to 'is state of mind } " 
 
 " The prisoner, yer worship, 'as long been 
 known to the perlice as a 'armless lunatic." 
 
 " Very well," says the magistrate ; " I shall 
 dismiss this case as a first offense, and recom- 
 mend that the proper authorities be informed 
 of the man's condition."
 
 /:V THE SPRIXG. IQI 
 
 Then old Groun'sel was led out by 'is copper, 
 and the magistrate and lawyers got up and 
 went to their lunches, and we was all bundled 
 out into the street and set off 'ome to dinner as 
 'ard as we could go. 
 
 And in crossin' Commercial Road we catch 
 sight o' the widder 'obblin' away all alone back 
 to Lime'ouse, where 'er 'ome was. And all my 
 father said was : 
 
 " She could have walked quicker that Whit- 
 sun she was in the Forest with old Groun'sel 
 forty year ago. Only maybe she 'ad no call to 
 walk quick that time." 
 
 But old Warner kep' on shakin' 'is 'ead and 
 sayin': 
 
 " It aint the law ! It aint the law ! My sen- 
 tence was twenty shillin' or a calendar month. 
 I dunno what's come over the law. When a 
 born magistrate don't purtect it, what's it got 
 to look to ? " 
 
 At our dinner we tell my mother about it ; and 
 in gettin' up to clear away the things, she says : 
 
 "Poor old bloke! P'r'aps it wasn't such a 
 bad way 'e'd thought on for gettin' a bite or 
 sup out of a woman's 'eart, for all it likely 
 makes a difference when yer've got a comfort- 
 able bed o' yer own and a 'ole roof to yerself 
 over yer 'ead. And forty year's a precious long 
 time to call to mind a feelin' yer've 'ad for any- 
 body, either likin' or mislikin'. But as to study- 
 in' Nature, there aint much to be got from the 
 likes o' that, if it lands yer in sellin' groun'sel 
 as nobody won't buy. Any'ow let's 'ope the 
 Asylum '11 treat 'im decent."
 
 192 IN THE SPRING. 
 
 But there wasn't no call for the Asylum any- 
 wa5^ The coppers let old Groun'sel go after 'is 
 discharge, they knowin' they could find 'im easy 
 enough about the streets, when wanted. And 
 they found 'im the very next day, for all not 
 wantin' 'im purtikler. A carman goin' early in 
 the mornin' to fetch out 'is cart from under one 
 o' the railway arches alongside of Johnson 
 Street thought it pulled a bit 'eavy, and climbin' 
 up on the wheel to look into it 'e sees some- 
 body layin' inside curled up fast asleep. So 'e 
 drives the butt end of 'is whip 'ard into 'is ribs 
 to wake 'im up, and the man just 'eaved over a 
 bit, and showed 'is face. And lookin' again 
 the carman sees it was old Groun'sel layin' 
 there quite dead. 
 
 So the doctor sat on 'im, and found 'e'd died 
 of an empty stomick. My young brother asked 
 if the thrush was found inside of 'im, but it 
 wasn't. And the doctor said 'e never in 'is life 
 see an arm burnt so bad as the old man's left. 
 And there was some as began to call to mind 
 stories 'ow, a long time back, 'e'd pulled a child's 
 dead body out of a burnin' 'ouse down Lime- 
 'ouse way. And through puttin' this and that 
 together, some said it was the widder's child, 
 and others went so far as sayin' it was the 
 widder 'erself. But there wasn't nobody as 
 really knowed a word about the truth of it, 
 and we soon enough forgot the old man. 
 Only sometimes of an evenin', as one of the 
 women might be sittin' mendin', I've 'eard 'er 
 say : 
 
 " This is the kind o' time I'd used to like to
 
 IN THE SPRING, 193 
 
 'ear old Groun'sel callin' out along the street. 
 Some'ovv it sounded kind of 'omely." 
 
 But old Warner always stuck out the old 
 man 'ad been killed through the beak not 
 follovvin' the law, as would 'ave kep' 'im com- 
 fortable in quod for one calender month at all 
 events.
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 3fatber Cbris'mus, 
 
 OON after that we 'ad a queer turn^ 
 out with another old man, but a dif- 
 ferent kind of thing altogether. It 
 was full summer, and broad daylight 
 to go to work by and come back in the evening. 
 So 'avin' some time to spare, me and one or 
 two of my mates, we started joinin' the Cadets 
 for a bit of a change. It was Ned Philips, 'is 
 proper name in the ranks bein' Tentpole, as 
 fust put us on the job, 'e 'aving joined more 
 nor six months before, and tellin' us there 
 wasn't nothink like mixin' up with military life. 
 But 'is mother 'ad made 'im promise not to 
 enlist in the Reg'lars till 'e'd turned of twenty, 
 and 'is young brother got work. So 'e was 
 just keepin' 'is 'and in by servin' in the Cadets. 
 So after we'd done work, and washed, and 
 'ad our teas, we start goin' up to the drills 
 pretty reg'lar twice a week. And we get 
 learned all manner of queer ways of standin' 
 still and walkin' and turnin' round — ways as 
 yer wouldn't never 'ave thought of for yerself, 
 more especial the turnin' round, a thing as 
 everybody in the world is safe to do wrong till 
 'e joins the British army. Then we got learned 
 
 194
 
 FATHER CHRIS' M US. 195 
 
 just the most unlikely ways of carryin' on with 
 a rifle, exercisin' and that ; and next 'ow to 
 aim bullets at a target with it through a Morris 
 Tube. 
 
 But it aint the drill I'm goin' to tell about 
 now, that bein' mostly regulation, same as 
 other drills 'ad ought to be. What I want to 
 tell about is a queer old boy as some'ow 
 seemed to take a mighty deal of interest in our 
 Company from the fust day 'e met it marchin' 
 out in its red tunics. 'Is name was Father 
 Chris'mus, by reason of 'is 'avin' a clean white 
 beard and a face the color of an old brick, 
 same as if the sun 'ad burnt into it and never 
 been rightly washed out. 'E was a tall, biggish 
 man too, and 'ad a kind of a smile for eveiy- 
 body, as if 'e was askin' of you to do 'im no 
 'arm, but just let 'im alone. And let alone 'e 
 mostly was, 'avin' a reg'Iar weekly doss in a 
 respectable lodgin' 'ouse some way up the road, 
 and goin' every mornin' to 'is work at the 
 Tow'er, as messenger or cleaner, or somethink 
 o' that. And in the evenin' 'e'd just come back 
 to 'is doss, carryin' the kipper or w-hatever it 
 might be 'e wanted to cook for 'is tea at the 
 big kitchen fire. And there 'e'd sit, mostly 
 sayin' nothink, but makin' room for everybody, 
 and 'elpin' 'em v/ith their bits of cookin', and 
 always as obligin' as if they was classy ladies 
 and gen'lemen, as they wasn't by no manner. 
 And by the time we got to know about 'im 'e'd 
 come to be a reg'Iar kind of boss in that doss- 
 'ouse, and was appointed chucker-out when 
 anybody came in too drunk for convenience.
 
 196 FA THEN CHRIS' MUS. 
 
 And sometimes 'e'd give the manager a 'and 
 with 'is bool<s and that ; so as a recompense 
 the manager's wife she give 'im a cup o' corfee 
 every mornin', and nothink to pay for it. 
 
 " But outside of 'is work and 'is doss, 'e 
 didn't seem to take no sort of an interest in 
 nothink, till, as I was sayin', 'e one day come 
 acrost the Cadets whiles they was doin' rout- 
 marchin'. 'E watched 'em go past, and then 
 'e falls in be'ind, almost alongside of the left 
 guide, and marches along, keepin' step to the 
 band, and fair towerin' over 'em all, with 'is 
 white beard flyin'. 
 
 " 'I ! 'I !" screamed the girls and other kids, 
 as always go dancin' in front of the band and 
 on both sides the Company, till a tram-car 
 comes and clears 'em off. " ' Ere's old Chris'- 
 mus gone and jined the blood'ounds! My! 
 don't 'e look a rare old Valentine, too ! " 
 
 And some'ow or another that march seemed 
 to turn the old man's 'ead. For the very next 
 week one of the parsons down our way gets 
 married, and old Chris'mus appears at the 
 church door, to chuck people in and chuck 'em 
 out again, wearin' a queer kind of uniform as 
 'e'd 'ired by bits from some Sheeny shop off 
 'Oundsditch. And when the girl as 'ad got to 
 be married drives up, 'e stands at attention, 
 with a short-jointed cane up to 'is shoulder, 
 same as any Guardsman or Cadet, barrin' only 
 'is long beard. And after that, on drill-nights, 
 'e took to 'angin' about the door of our 'ead- 
 quarters, and sometimes 'e'd say a word or two 
 to some of us lads about the insides of our rifles
 
 FATHER CHRIS' M US. 197 
 
 or the best way of fetchin' oil off our tunics. 
 And one night 'e seemed to pluck up 'eart, and 
 'e asks our Captain if 'e might come in and 'ave 
 a look at the drill. And after that 'e was up 
 there near every drill-night, just standin' agen 
 the wall and watchin', and never sayin' nothink, 
 only taking off 'is cap to the orfficer on comin' 
 up and goin' down. And one night, soon arfter 
 I joined^ our Color-Sergeant bein' away queer, 
 'e asks the Captain if 'e might be allowed to try 
 'is 'and at drillin' the recruits, seein' as he 
 knowed somethink of drill from lookin' at the 
 battalion in the Tower Ditch. And when 'e 
 come to give 'is fust word of command to us 
 recruits, for all its bein' nothink only " 'Ten- 
 tion I " it made us jump as if we was shot, and 
 near blew the winder-glasses out. 
 
 Two evenin's after that, just past tea-time, 
 my father 'avin' a set down, and makin' up 'is 
 mind if 'e'd go round to 'is Union meetin' or 
 not, and my mother goin' on with 'er mendin', 
 and me teachin' my little brother the manual 
 exercise with the poker, in walks old Seabrook, 
 as I'd 'ardly set eyes on since we got back 
 from the 'oppin'. So 'e says " Good-evenin'," 
 and sets 'isself down by the fire-place, and 
 starts starin' at it, and spittin' now and then 
 into the dead ashes. 
 
 " Mate," 'e says at last, " it's queer 'ow things 
 come about mostly." 
 
 " Yer right," says my father. 
 
 " Yus, it's queer," says my mother; " to take 
 a kind of instance, I often wonder to myself 
 whose legs it was 'ad the wearin' o' these 'ere
 
 190 FA THER CHRIS'MUS. 
 
 trouseys afore they come to my man, and was 
 next cut down for Jacko, and now is in a fair 
 way to pass to little Jim, for all they still keep 
 what yer might call a style about 'em. But it's 
 quality as does it." 
 
 " Yus," says Seabrook, " it's quality. There 
 aint no mistakin' quality. It's in the blood, as 
 old Spotter says. But trouseys, Mrs. Britton, 
 aint the only thing as 'as it. 
 
 "Jacko," 'e says to me on a sudden, after 
 'oldin' 'is tongue a long time, " did I 'ear as 
 yer'd gone and joined them bloomin' Cadets .>" 
 
 " Yus," I says, " that's right." 
 
 "And what did yer think o' the stranger 
 orfficer as put yer through the drill the other 
 night } " 
 
 " There wasn't no orfficer," I says ; " nobody 
 else but old Father Chris'mus ; 'e took a turn 
 at us." 
 
 " Well, what did yer think of 'im, then ? " 
 
 " Oh, 'e was all right, only in place of sayin' 
 ' 'Bout turn !' 'e says ' Right about turn,' as is 
 an order they tell me 'asn't never been used in 
 the British army since Noah told 'is animals to 
 go out o' the ark that way." 
 
 " And a dam sight better soldiers them ani- 
 mals made, I 'ave no doubt, nor what all the 
 pack o" yoii '11 ever be, so you just 'old yer row," 
 says old Seabrook, in a fair rise at 'earin' me 
 chip the old regulations. 
 
 " Well," 'e says, turnin' to my father, " I'd 
 'eard tell about this old Chris'mus too, and 'is 
 drillin' and all. And I thinks to myself, if 
 there's a job goin', I might 'ave a look in.
 
 FATHER CHRIS' M US. 1 99 
 
 Any'ow I thinks I'd just 'ave a see what this 
 bloomin' civvy was like as sets up for drillin' 
 recruits, and me as 'ave put in my twenty-one 
 year service not so much as spoke of. So up I 
 goes to the doss-'ouse, meanin' maybe to do a 
 Httle business upon that there old Chris'mus. 
 And I meets 'im comin' in from 'is work ; 'is 
 trouseys was above 'is ankles, and 'is boots split 
 at the sides fit to let 'is toes drop out. But I 
 looks at 'im 'ard, and I says to myself, ' I some- 
 'ow seem to know the look o' yer bloomin' 
 mug, my beauty,' I says. So I make no remark 
 that time, but go 'ome again, and all that night 
 and next day I keep thinkin' and thinkin', and 
 'oldin, as yer might say, a kind o' General In- 
 spection Parade in my 'ead of all the men as 
 that old Chris'mus might 'ave been. And the 
 queer part of it was that every mother's son of 
 'em turned up to the Parade in uniform. There 
 was lads I'd knowed in Injer and buried in jun- 
 gles, or seen cut up acrost the rivers ; and there 
 was lads I'd camped with in the Cape, and lads 
 I'd 'ad games with in the Curragh. And the 
 most on 'em I ordered to dismiss right off as 
 bein' casualities or deaders these many years 
 back. But among 'em all there wasn't never a 
 bloomin' civvy, nor yet old Chris'mus. So this 
 evenin' up I goes again to get another look at 
 'im. And I see 'im comin' straight along the 
 street a long way off, and at that moment some- 
 think inside o' me says, ' Yus, my dear, yer may 
 call yerself Father Chris'mus, and yer may grow 
 white beard enough to take the fancy of an 
 Afghan she-goat ; but it's clean-shaved you are
 
 20O FATHER CHRIS' MUS. 
 
 by nature, and it's old Fireirons as is yer proper 
 name.' 
 
 " From that moment I 'adn't got no more 
 doubt in my own mind nor what I've got of 
 damnation. But just to satisfy other people, 
 I thought well to make kind o' certain. So I 
 stood leanin' agen a shop-winder close by where 
 the man must pass as 'e come along. And just 
 as 'e come within a yard or two, 'e takin' no 
 notice o' me, as was only natural, up I spring to 
 attention, 'eels together, knees straight, and sa- 
 lute very stiff and correct. And at that very 
 second up goes 'is right 'and with the two mid- 
 dle fingers stretched out straight, same as a 
 parson givin' yer 'is blessin', as was always old 
 Fireirons' way of answerin' a salute. But just 
 in the middle on it, 'e seems to be took queer 
 all on a sudden. Down goes 'is 'and again, and 
 'e gives me such a look, same as a girl caught 
 bathin' 'erself, and with that disappears into the 
 doss-'ouse, pretty near at the double, leavin' me 
 with the kind o' feelin' yer '11 get when yer go up 
 to speak to a woman after the resurrection, and 
 she not know yer." 
 
 "There aint many I'll care to know," says 
 my mother ; " I've 'ad enough of 'em mostly 
 already, and the men too." 
 
 " That's got nothink to do with it," says my 
 father. " Why can't yer let the man get in a 
 word edgeways ? " 
 
 " Yus," says old Seabrook, takin' no notice 
 for them ; " it's old Fireirons, there aint no 
 error. 'Oly Poker we'd used to call 'im too, 
 Gord knows why ; but that wasn't only when
 
 FATHER CHRIS' MUS. 20I 
 
 we was pleased with 'im, and that wasn't often 
 by reason of 'is temper, it bein' mostly red-'ot, 
 same as 'is face, and seemin' to burn yer inside 
 out most disagreeable. Major 'e was to us 
 afore 'e turned it up, 'avin' got 'is commission 
 by purchase in the good old days, as these 
 Board-School Tommies o' yers '11 die without 
 knowin' the likes on ; and as to ' Right about 
 turn,' we 'adn't no need for that order through 
 keepin' always turned to the front." 
 
 And with that old Seabrook looks at me, and 
 I tells 'im to keep 'is 'air on. 
 
 " Eh, 'e was a rare orfficer, was Fireirons," 
 'e goes on. " 'E didn't know nothink, and 'e 
 didn't care nothink ; and 'is language came to yer 
 scorchin' 'ot as from the 'ell-fire as was always 
 blazin' inside of 'im. But when yer'd got the 
 devil's own business to do, Fireirons was the 
 man to see yer through with it. Clever } Bless 
 yer, 'e was a bloomin' sight too good an orfficer 
 to think- of bein' clever. 'E wasn't none o' 
 them as plays tricks with the enemy, and tries 
 on artful little ways to bamboozle 'em, same as 
 a girl makin' love, jumpin' on 'em 'ere, and 
 outflankin' 'em there, and cuttin off their sup- 
 plies when there's 'undreds o' their poor men 
 just as 'ungry as us. Not 'im ! 'E 'adn't no 
 notion of maneuverin', only to go straight. 
 Bless yer soul, if the 'ole German army was 
 'oldin' a line of 'ills in our front, and nothink 
 only our one battalion to put agen 'em, and 'im 
 in command, 'e'd 'ave called out 'is junior 
 orfficers, and said : ' Our business to-day, gen'le- 
 men, is to dislodge the enemy from that risin'
 
 202 FA THER CHRISWIUS. 
 
 ground. It is a simple movement. The point 
 to march on will be the center of their line, 
 where you see that thing as they've got the 
 imperence to call a flag. Orfficers will see that 
 the direction is kep' by the shortest way. The 
 men will reserve their fire till within four 
 'undred yards, and after advancin' by 'alf- 
 companies, will clear the position with the 
 bayonet. That ought to give account of a pot- 
 bellied lot o' sausage-eaters, I should 'ope.' 
 That was 'is way. Clever? Oh, lord! a man 
 like 'im wasn't never such a fool as to try to 
 be clever. Them was before the days of 
 Board Schools, thank Gord, or I shouldn't 'ave 
 been settin' 'ere to-night cool and comfortable. 
 And now old Fireirons 'e's livin' in a doss-'ouse, 
 and 'as changed 'is name to Father Chris'mus ! 
 Didn't I tell yer it's queer 'ow things come 
 about ? " 
 
 " Yer did, Mr. Seabrook," says my mother, 
 "and that's why I sometimes think there may 
 be 'ope for all on us yet. Yer can't never 
 know when things mayn't take a turn with yer." 
 
 " No more yer can't," says old Seabrook ; 
 " but I'm thinkin' as what started makin' things 
 take a turn with old Fireirons was a woman, 
 Yus, I call 'er to mind plain enough, for all it's 
 a many years gone since then. And even if 
 she's gettin' old and fadin', same as other 
 females, I'd still march a solid mile on my bare 
 knees only to put my little finger on the outside 
 of 'er skirts." 
 
 " Oh, cheese it, do, Mr. Seabrook ! " says my 
 mother.
 
 FATHER CHRIS' MUS. 203 
 
 " It's Gord's truth," says 'e, " and there aint 
 a man on us wouldn't 'ave told yer the same 
 thing ; and the regiment was a thousand strong 
 in them days, mind yer, and each soul of us as 
 'ard and straight as a cleanin' rod. And 
 wherever she went, you'd see the men keep 
 turnin' this way and that and lookin after 'er, 
 same as recruits lookin' after the Inspectin' 
 Orfficer goin' down the line on parade. It was 
 the time we was layin' quartered at Dover, all 
 there was of us as got back from South Africa, 
 together with a fine squad o' likely recruits. 
 Where she come from none on us ever rightly 
 knowed, she appearin' all on a sudden as old 
 Fireirons' wife. But there was plenty of tales 
 goin' round from the very fust, what with 'er 
 bein' so pretty, and all on us knowin' the 
 Major 'adn't been noways different from other 
 men, only in the matter of 'is tactics. She was 
 one o' them sorft and tender-lookin' little 
 things, as seems as if they'd melt away if yer 
 only put yer 'and over 'em. Uncommon 
 comfortin' they are too, mate, as you likely 
 know." 
 
 " And it's easy enough to make yer flesh 
 sorft and meltin'," says my mother, " if only yer 
 start doin' nothink in yer cradle, and keep on at 
 it all yer life — same with fowls and that." 
 
 " Maybe yer right, Mrs. Britton," says 'e ; 
 " but at that rate the only wonder is there aint 
 more like 'er. And that's what old Fireirons 
 thought, worse luck for 'im. For 'e must needs 
 'ave 'er picture painted from 'er toes up, to 
 show 'imself and the women what a little
 
 204 FATHER CHRIS" MUS. 
 
 beauty she was afore she'd 'ad the time' to 
 start fadin'. So down there comes an artist 
 feller from London, with a fioppin' brown 'at 
 and a little yeller tuft to 'is chin, and 'is 'air 
 over 'is eyes, like a Scotch tarrier out on the 
 loose. And 'e gets put up in the Major's quar- 
 ters, and sets to paintin' and paintin' at that 
 bit of a wife mornin', noon, and night. And no 
 doubt the picture got on famous ; but it wasn't 
 the only thing as could do that. And so after 
 a bit — well, the only queer thing about it was 
 as that's the one army woman I ever knowed 
 take up with a civvy." 
 
 " Like yer sorft and meltin' sort to do such 
 things ! " says my mother. 
 
 " No, it wasn't no fault of 'ers neither," says 
 old Seabrook, " nobody couldn't say nothink 
 agen 'er exackly. She was just one o' them as 
 can't 'elp lettin' yer make love to 'em for the 
 askin', and nobody none the worse. It all 
 comes of bein' so sorft-'earted and perlite. 
 Yer see, she couldn't never bring 'erself to say 
 * No ! ' to a bloke for fear of 'urtin' 'is feelin's 
 or 'is proper pride, and she'd always got a kind 
 word for everybody, and seemed more nor 'alf 
 in love with all the world to start. So nobody 
 needn't 'ave minded, nor been none the wiser, 
 if old Fireirons 'isself 'adn't got wind on it, and 
 started raisin' 'ell, just as if 'e'd never 'eard of 
 such a thing 'appenin' in all 'is life. There's 
 no question 'e must 'ave been uncommon fond 
 o' that woman, as yer may see by what 'e did 
 afterward ; but some'ow 'e 'adn't read the 
 nature of her right, same as I'd read it, or 'e'd
 
 FATHER CHRIS' MUS. 205 
 
 'ave knowed better ways for managin' 'er nor 
 what 'e follered all along. But that's where it 
 is, yer see : there's only two sorts o' men — 
 them as women like, and them as they don't ; 
 and no matter for what the fust sort does, it's 
 always the right thing with women, and the 
 other sort's always wrong. Not but what the 
 last sort isn't mostly the best, taken all round ; 
 for all I've no cause to say so, me belongin' to 
 the fust sort myself, thank Gord ! " 
 
 "I'm glad yer told us that, Mr. Seabrook," 
 says my mother. 
 
 '• Yus," says 'e, " that's right. But old Fire- 
 irons must 'ave been one o' them as women 
 don't really take to 'eart and soul, for all 'is 
 tactics bein' of a sort as mostly pleases females, 
 through bein' kind o' different from their own. 
 Any'ow, at revelly one mornin' the word goes 
 round as the little lady 'ad gone off along with 
 that artist feller, never to come back. What 
 came of 'em nobody didn't rightly know. 
 P'r'aps they set up picture-dealin' with the 
 portrait. Once, anyway, in a print-shop in the 
 City I see a picture of a female uncommon like 
 'er, only for bein' dressed most undecent, with 
 nothink better to cover 'er nor a kind of sheet, 
 and thin at that." 
 
 •' Which shop was it in } " says my father. 
 
 " And what came to the poor 'usband ? " says 
 my mother. 
 
 " Well, that's the queerest part of all," says 
 old Seabrook ; " and it's only to-night I'm get- 
 tin' a kind of looTc-in to it. Nobody wouldn't 
 believe it, and yet it's gospel truth. Yer see, it
 
 206 FATHER CHRIS' MUS. 
 
 was like this : 'e wasn't the man to stand dod- 
 derin' and shillyshallyin' about, wasn't old 
 Fireirons. ' Plunge, my boy,' 'e'd say to 'isself. 
 
 * It's no odds for what 'appens when yer once 
 in. Only, for Gord's sake, plunge !' That was 
 the kind of man 'e was. So within a week 
 o' that poor little lady goin' away, 'e'd chucked 
 the regiment, chucked the army, chucked every- 
 think. 'E did a reg'lar, all-round, 'varsal chuck. 
 And some'ow, through the orfficers' servants 
 and what they picked up at the Mess, we all on 
 us came to know as Fireirons 'ad sold 'is com- 
 mission to the Government; and puttin' the 
 full price of it together, regulation and over- 
 regulation, 'e'd just took and sent the 'ole 
 bloomin' lot — thousands o' pounds they said it 
 was — as an annuity to that pretty, temptin' wife 
 of 'is, so as she shouldn't fall into no low ways 
 of livin', through bein' druv to it by want. And 
 they told as 'ow when the Colonel fust 'eard on 
 it, 'e cursed and swore awful, and then 'e said : 
 
 * Poor beggar ! ' 'e says, ' and 'e's got precious 
 little of 'is own to fall back upon. And what 
 little 'e's got is like enough to go the same way 
 — damn 'im ! And it's just the thing as any 
 other man worth callin' 'ud do in 'is place to 
 save a woman like that from demeanin' 'erself 
 with civilians, one or many.' Then all the 
 orfficers started laughin', and said 'e was right. 
 And for a week or two we kep' on talkin' about 
 old Fireirons, and what 'is little wife 'ud be 
 thinkin' o' the change out o' the army. Then 
 we was drafted off to Ireland, and forgot about 
 'im.
 
 FA THER CHRIS' M US _ 207 
 
 " And now 'ere 'e is, turned up again as 
 sure as a nigger yer've left for dead. But it's 
 rum to think wtiat must 'ave 'appened to 'im 
 between whiles. Talk about the change for 
 the woman ! It's just nothink to what the 
 change must 'ave been for 'im when 'e'd parted 
 with 'is last solid shillin', and stood alone in the 
 world, worse off nor any common Tommy o' 
 this new-boy lot, as takes 'is discharge long 
 afore 'e's thirty, when 'e's just beginning to find 
 out as there's other things to be learned in the 
 army besides drillin', and goes 'ome with 'is 
 twenty pound Deferred Pay, as just serves to 
 keep 'imself and 'is people and pals comfortable 
 in drinks and other treats for three weeks run- 
 nin', or maybe two days extry, if 'e's careful 
 with it, and at the end o' that he wakes up one 
 mornin' with nothink only the 'eadache and a 
 queer stomick to start the world fresh on. I'm 
 sure it's beyond me to think what old I'ireirons 
 turned 'is 'and to, 'e bein' nothink only a gen'le- 
 man beside. Bui 'e wasn't never the man to 
 go adrift. I reckon 'e said to 'isself, ' Cut low 
 enough, my boy, cut low enough, and yer '11 cut 
 somethink.' And so 'e cut low, and sure 
 enough 'ere 'e is, 'abituated in 'a doss-'ouse, 
 with a beard as yer might buy in Drury Lane, 
 and a funk on 'is face when yer salute 'im such 
 as none o' the Queen's enemies ever see there. 
 It only shows, as I was sayin' at the start off, 
 it's queer 'ow things come about." 
 
 "Yer right, Mr. Seabrook," says my mother. 
 " There's always that 'ope for them as is low 
 enough down. And them as 'asn't got no 'ope
 
 208 FATHER CHRIS' M US. 
 
 can mostly leave off despairin*. But as to the 
 poor old gen'leman, all I wonder is if 'e's got 
 somebody to do for 'im a bit and take 'is bits o' 
 washin'." 
 
 " What do yer say, mate," says my father, 
 gettin' up, " 'ovv if we go round and make the 
 offer for to stand 'im somethink ? " 
 
 " Not me!" says old Seabrook. " Acourse 
 you can do as yer like, bein' nothink only a 
 civvy, and no arm done. But it aint becomin' 
 for the likes o' me to go and pal up with an 
 orfficer. I 'ope I knows my place better nor 
 what that comes to. If 'e should 'appen to 
 come along, I stand at attention, and maybe 
 salute, just for old times' sake. But if 'e don't 
 wish to take no notice, I'm not goin' to intrude 
 myself. I'm one as knows 'isself, I 'ope." 
 
 Yer may lay, one way or another, the true 
 story o' Father Chris'mus got about fast 
 enough, and it wasn't long afore the kids in the 
 street took to callin' 'im " General Chris'mus," 
 and shoutin' " 'Alt, Fire, Present, Bang ! " after 
 'im, same as after any other orfficer. And our 
 Captain 'e got to know about it, and 'e'd take 
 off 'is own 'at whenever the old boy came up to 
 look on at the drills ; and we Cadets all saluted 
 'im same as one of our own orfficers, only a bit 
 extry, for a game. But whether it was as 'is 
 old nut was turned through 'avin' such a lot o' 
 respeck showed 'im, and 'e not used to it, or 
 whether 'is mind got kind o' mixed up through 
 'is no longer knowin' which o' the two men 
 inside 'im 'e was supposed to be, any'ow within 
 a month or thereabout 'e seemed all on a sud-
 
 FA THER CHRIS'MUS. 209 
 
 den to give way. 'Is face turned near as white 
 as 'is beard. 'Is voice didn't put yer no more 
 in mind of a big dog. 'E still stood up straight 
 as ever ; but one night after 'e'd been up to the 
 drill, and 'ad stayed be'ind talkin' to our Cap- 
 tain, 'e says good-night to us lads, and goes 
 back to 'is doss kind of sleepy. And there 'e 
 was found next mornin' stretched out stiff on 
 'is bed with 'is eyes turned up to the dirty 
 ceilin', and nothink in 'is pockets only 'alf his 
 week's wages and an old blue shoulder-strap 
 with a gold crown worked on it. 
 
 Sooner nor let the old man be buried by the 
 parish, our Captain said 'e'd give 'im a military 
 funeral, if only to practice us in such things. 
 So our band started learnin' the Dead March 
 as 'ard as they could split, and on the next 
 Saturday afternoon the Company was drawed 
 up two-deep right opposite the doss-'ouse, all 
 the dossers standin' thick round the door, and 
 the street fair blocked with the crowd. It was 
 rainin' a bit, but nobody didn't mind for that. 
 Then four of our fellers bring out the corfifin 
 and 'eave it on to a barrer, and spread a bit of 
 flag over it. And as it come in sight, we got 
 to present arms, and some'ow the ranks seemed 
 to give a kind o' gasp as the rifles came down. 
 
 " Lor ! " says the girl behind me, " 'ere's the 
 bloomin' corpse ! Aint it a treat ! " 
 
 " You 'old yer row," says 'er pal, " and yer 
 '11 see 'em bloomin' well shoot." 
 
 So we reversed arms and formed up in fours 
 in front o' the barrer, all but old Seabrook, as 
 'ad got 'old on some kind of a uniform and
 
 2IO FATHER CHRIS' M US. 
 
 walked just be'ind the corffin, 'avin' our Cap- 
 tain in the rear of 'im with 'is sword turned 
 down. So we start off to march, the side- 
 drums just tappin' to keep the step. And 
 when we get near up agen the gate of Bow 
 Cimeterry, the band strikes up playin' the 
 Dead March, as they did pretty fair, and we 
 fall into slow step, most aggravatin' to keep. 
 But the crowd 'ad got so thick on both sides 
 and in front, we couldn't 'ave moved much 
 quicker if we'd 'ad to. And it was a good 
 business the band started when it did, 'cos the 
 people was beginnin' to chip old Seabrook for 
 follerin' be'ind of the barrer, and kep' askin' 
 why 'e didn't start callin' out " Meat," or 
 " 'Okey-pokey," and such things. And in 
 another minute like enough 'e'd 'ave broke out 
 and marked some on 'em, for all 'is braggin' of no 
 soldier mindin' for what a dirty mob says at 'im. 
 So we come to where the parson was waitin' 
 for us agen the grave, and we opened out and 
 turned inwards to let the corffin pass up the 
 middle with its two mourners. And the crowd 
 stood still, all black round us almost as far as 
 yer could see. But they 'adn't the chance to 
 say or do nothink more agen the corpse, 'cos 
 there we was drawed up on each side of it. 
 Next thing, the firin' party falls out by the 
 grave, and the parson reads a lot of readin', 
 and the corfifin is let down by ropes, the bit o' 
 flag still stickin' round it. Then at last we 
 come to the real business of lettin' off the 
 volleys. We was called to attention, and pre- 
 sented arms. The crowd stood still as death,
 
 FATHER CHRIS' M us. 211 
 
 keepin' their eyes on the firin' party, and waitin' 
 for the bang. The tirst volley went all right, 
 with nothink from the people only a kind o' 
 breath, same as when a rocket busts 'igh up. 
 Bat just as the word was bein' give for the 
 second, some fat-'ead must needs call out 
 " Rats !" and acourse that started 'em all off 
 laughin'. And at the third the 'ole crowd sets 
 to, fair shriekin', and whistlin', and singin', and 
 callin' names. And last of all, young Duffy, 
 findin' as 'e'd been tryin' to fire at 'alf-cock, 
 rather nor be done out o' firin' altogether, 'e 
 looses off a good twenty seconds after the 
 volley was over. And with that the people 
 just yelled with laughin', and started singin', 
 "Johnnie, git yer gun" and "Let me like a 
 soldier fall." 
 
 And whiles they was still 'owlin', we was 
 formed up into fours again, and marched off. 
 And just as we started, I saw the grave-digger 
 get down into the grave, and stand on the 
 corffin, just on the top of old General Chris'- 
 mus's face. Then 'e lights up 'is pipe, and 
 sticks 'is fingers into 'is can of corffee to see if 
 it 'ad got cold with the waitin'. 
 
 But so soon as we was outside the cimeterry 
 gates up go the drumsticks over the bass- 
 drummer's 'ead, and away the band starts to 
 a rare good marchin' tune, the same as 'as got 
 for chorus : 
 
 " Oh, there's somethink queer to a Private's ear 
 In talkin' of a defeat, 
 And the sound we know when the bugles blow 
 Says nothink about retreat.
 
 212 FATHER CHRIS' MUS. 
 
 For the captain's good, and the major's good, 
 
 And the colonel better nor that ; 
 But for stormin' o' the trenches, and for kissin' o' the 
 wenches, 
 
 Why, the Private knocks 'em flat." 
 
 And as we swung along I never felt so 'appy 
 in all my life, for one thing 'cos it was the fust 
 time as I'd 'ad my uniform to wear. And 
 when we was dismissed I said something o' 
 that to Tentpole, as 'ad stood number one in 
 the firin' party, 'e bein' the steadiest on parade. 
 But 'e says : " Yus, it feels fine, don't it } for all 
 that soldierin' aint all uniform, as you'll see. 
 But, oh my soul, aint it just v/orth while bein' a 
 private, let alone an orfficer, if it's only to get a 
 funeral give yer same as this 'ere was to-day ! " 
 " Yus," said old Seabrook, as 'appened to be 
 by, "there aint only one thing I'm sorry for, 
 and that's as we couldn't 'ave got old Fire- 
 irons' wife to come and witness the ceremony. 
 Eh, my boys! but she was a real beauty, she 
 was ! "
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 ®nl^ an Bccl£)cnt. 
 
 ^^^HERE'S one thing almost queerer nor 
 ^^^ the fust day out 'oppin', and that's to 
 g^^j go on the Advance Party into Camp. 
 In the middle of the mornin', every- 
 body else bein' at work, and Aldgate choked up 
 with vans and great loads of 'ay set there to dry, 
 yer find yerself pitched out on to a patch of sand 
 in the country, and nothink over yer 'ead only 
 the sky, and nothink under yer back only 
 bloomin' grass and dirt. And yer'e told that's 
 where yer've got to live for more nor a week, 
 so yer must make the best of it. There was 
 twenty of us on that Advance, and every man- 
 Jack, barrin' only Tentpole, would 'ave bolted 
 back to London before an hour 'ad gone, if we 
 'adn't 'ad an orfficer with us. And the good of 
 an orfificer is as 'e's kind o' bound to see yer 
 through ; and if 'e don't, it aint none o' yer 
 doin', and yer've got 'im to curse at. 
 
 It was blowin' cold, for all its bein' the 
 Thursday before Bank 'Oliday, and so soon as 
 we'd found our pitch, it started rainin' 'ard. So 
 we creep under the edgQ of a bit o' wood, and 
 put our rifles and kit-bags under us to keep 'em 
 dry. And there we sat, our uniforms gettin' 
 213
 
 214 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 
 
 wetter and wetter, and us 'ungrier and 'ungrier, 
 and only that bit o' soppin' sand in front of us, 
 and nothink to eat. 
 
 " If this is like what livin' in the bloomin' 
 country is," says one o' the fellers, " it's a mercy 
 I was born in the Boro'." 
 
 " Yer right," says Tentpole ; "anyway it's a 
 mercy you wasn't born in Shadwell." 
 
 " Why's that ? " says the other. 
 
 " 'Cos that's where I live," says Tentpole. 
 "And why the devil can't yer 'old yer tongue 
 and bear what yer've got to bear } " 
 
 " Well, I dunno,"says Duffy ; " I'm Shadwell 
 born and bred, but there's nothink only one 
 thing I'm wishin' now, and that's as I was down 
 at Southend with a girl and s'rimps, me 'avin' 'er 
 'at on, and 'er mine, just to show there was no 
 ill-feelin.' That's what I call takin' a 'oliday. 
 But to set on a fuz-bush, and not a smell o' 
 nothink to put in yer belly, that aint 'oliday 
 makin' nor yet doin' work." 
 
 " You shut yer row," says Tentpole. " I tell 
 yer it's soldierin'." 
 
 " 'Ere's rations ! " says our sergeant at last. 
 
 "Two tins of buffalo and six loaves," says 
 Duffy, watchin' the barrer come up. "You see 
 me shift 'em ! '' 
 
 After that there wasn't no more talk of turnin' 
 up the job or doin' a bolt back through Alder- 
 shot. And by evenin' we'd got up 'alf the tents, 
 and drawed our stores together with blankets 
 and waterproof sheets. And all the time to see 
 Tentpole work, you'd 'ave thought 'e'd been 
 goin' mad for the want of it, 'im 'oldin up the
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 215 
 
 tents, and drivin' in the pegs, and shiftin' the 
 stores, and 'ardly stoppin' a moment to swear, 
 for all the world as if 'e'd been born an orfficer 
 or an Army Service Corps. 
 
 Next day was just the same, only for the 
 sky turnin' blazin' 'ot, and us gettin' stewed 
 shackles and spuds to our dinners, same as 
 every day afterward. And on Saturday evenin' 
 everythink was ready to receive the main body, 
 from the rubbish-pit up to the Major's tent. 
 The days as come next aven't stuck in my mind 
 only as a mixed lot of things— Lights-out, and 
 Rouses, and fights over rations, and parades 
 comin' just too soon for yer convenience, and 
 church in the open air, with ladies and a parson 
 on the inside of our brigade square, and fellers 
 faintin' round the outside with orfficers waterin' 
 'em like flower-pots in a row ; and after that, 
 long marches over the Long Valley where the 
 sand is always blowin', to accustom us to Egyp', 
 or to Fox 'Ills, where a lot o' men died of 'eat, 
 actin' on top of booze, and got pensions for 
 their widders ; and deployin' and extendin', and 
 keepin' yer intervals, and right-incline and left- 
 incline, and plungin' about in bogs, and rushin' 
 woods, and layin' down, and volley-firin', and 
 chargin', and 'avin' a thirst like the bottomless 
 pit; and goin' on guard, and doin' Sentry-go 
 with nothink for a light only the stars, as is 
 poor things at best, and me seemin' to see all 
 manner of queer shapes bobbin' up and down 
 out o' the fuz-bushes, and at last fallin' dead off 
 asleep whenever I stood still or set down. All 
 them things 'avegot mixed up in my 'ead, seein'
 
 2l6 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 as solciierin' soon came as natural as goin' 'ome 
 to tea. But some'ovv the last field-day stands 
 out clear, by reason of somethink 'appenin' on 
 it. And this is 'ovv it was : 
 
 " Oh, strike me ! that aint the Rouse } " I 
 says, 'earin' the bugles go just outside our tent. 
 It wasn't only 'alf-past four, and some'ow they 
 seemed to 'ave a nastier way with 'em nor ordi- 
 nary, for all the Rouse being enough to give yer 
 a sick feelin' any mornin'. So I look round, 
 and there was all eight of us fast asleep, only 
 for Tentpole, as was settin' up in 'is shirt 
 cleanin' 'is belt and sling, and kickin' at Duffy 
 with one foot 'cos Duffy was Orderly for the 
 day. 
 
 " Ger up, yer fat-'ead," 'e says ; " this '11 be 
 the biggest day o' the 'ole lot, and we're set as 
 picket to guard the Camp. Now, be smart, or 
 I'll take and rub yer nose in a fuz-bush, same 
 as the orfficer yesterday to make yer lay down." 
 
 " Volley-fiiin', Duffy ! " I calls out, and I 
 sticks my 'ead under the tent curtain, and see 
 all the tents and trees covered with white mist, 
 and get my face all wet with the water on the 
 grass, same as if I'd been a cow wakin' up in the 
 mornin'. So I got under the blankets again, 
 and go to sleep comfortable till Duffy brings in 
 the kettle of corfee^ and starts drinkin' it in a 
 buffalo-tin all to 'isself. 
 
 " Now, volley-firer," I says, " none o' yer 
 rook-stalkin' ! " It bein' 'im as aimed at a rook 
 with a blank cartridge and a round stone, and 
 missed it. 
 
 So all on us get our breakfasts, and by the
 
 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 2 1 7 
 
 time the " Fall-in " sounded we was washin' of 
 ourselves down at the pump with our boots and 
 trouseys on, only for Tentpole, as was standin' 
 ready on parade, all clean and smart, and no- 
 body else there barrin' the orfficers. For there 
 is people as seems to love waitin'. 
 
 But by 'alf-past six we was all placed out in 
 two pickets with a big support layin' in Chest- 
 nut Copse. And Duffy was set on a bit of 'ill 
 as our sentry, to look for the enemy. And so 
 we lay, till the mist all went, and the sun started 
 warmin' us a treat, and then boilin' us alive. 
 But all that time Duffy never see nothink, only 
 a fizzer's cart crawlin' along with things to 
 drink. 
 
 But Tentpole 'ad crep' right under a thorny 
 kind o' bush for cover, and was lookin' out 
 down the valley with nothink but 'is two eyes 
 showin' through, watchin' and 'oldin' 'is rifle 
 ready, lookin' just like a terrier when 'e 'ears 
 the rats squeakin' in the drain, and yer see 'is 
 legs shiver. 
 
 " 'Ear the brigades formin' up be'ind us," 'e 
 whispers to me at last, me layin' alongside of 
 'im. " That's their orfficers shoutin'. Our 
 battalion '11 be well backed up to-day. But it's 
 cavalry we want. Please Gord, I'll be in the 
 cavalry this time next year, straddlin' my long- 
 nosed friend all day, and rubbin' of 'im down 
 at night. There's a life for yer ! And yet 
 there's thousands die without never 'avin' been 
 a soldier for a single day, for all yer wouldn't 
 ever think it." 
 
 "The Line '11 do me," I says ; " but I'll 'ave
 
 2l8 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 to get six months out of work afore I'm let 
 join." 
 
 " That's the devil of 'avin' relations," 'e says, 
 " for all they're good enough other ways." 
 
 On a sudden I see 'is eyes get fixed, and 'e 
 stops breathin'. Then 'e whispers : " Look 
 yer there ! Along the edge o' them trees ! 
 See 'em ? " 
 
 And sure enough, there under the wood 
 called Cocked 'At, I see black-lookin' things 
 snuffin' around like cats, as if they was afraid 
 of findin' somethink. 
 
 " It's the bloomin' enemy ! " 'e says, and 'e 
 takes out a cartridge and 'olds it ready in 'is 
 teeth. Then we see 'em creep out of the wood, 
 and run forward, bendin' down, and 'idin' 
 theirselves very artful with bushes and ferns. 
 So we got up into line be'ind a bank, and so 
 soon as we could see their ugly mugs pretty 
 plain we give 'em a volley, and then another. 
 And we see 'em start wrigglin' about and run- 
 nin' back a treat. 
 
 " Corpsed 'em fair," I says. 
 
 " Wish we 'ad ! " says Tentpole. 
 
 'Earin' the firin', Duffy comes doublin' back 
 from bein' sentry to see what was up. And 
 next minute we see our brigade pourin' out on 
 our right through Outridden Copse, and ex- 
 tendin' all acrost the valley, just as if they'd 
 done all the work. But our battalion gets 
 together, and pushes off bit by bit to the left 
 till we'd near come to Tweseldown '111 by the 
 Racecourse. Then we start creepin' along 
 from one cover to the next, till we was layin'
 
 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 2 1 9 
 
 at the foot of a round 'ill called Brocks. And 
 on top of it the enemy was layin' thick, and 
 firin' down on our right in the valley. So we 
 crawl up that 'ill, firin' by sections and always 
 joggin' on a bit each time, same as at drafts, 
 till an Umpire told the enemy they'd jolly well 
 better shift, and about time too. So we double 
 up to the top, and keep loosin' off volleys into 
 the thick o' their ugly backs. And they gets 
 put out of action by the score. And to our 
 right we see our side advancin', and gallopin' 
 and extendin' as reg'lar as a picture. And 
 there was the enemy retirin', all crowded up 
 any'ow, and just mad to see which could get 
 back fust across the bridges over the canal to 
 their own camp. And on the top of all the 
 bits of 'ill the artillery was bangin' away fit to 
 bust itself. But nobody doesn't mind for 
 artillery, no more nor for a woman's noise, 'cos 
 yer can't never be sure what it's aimin' at, un- 
 less it 'appens to 'it yer. 
 
 So we catch on with the pursuit by 'alf com- 
 panies, drivin the enemy acrost a long bit of 
 plain covered with bogs and loose trees. And 
 our orfficers kep' on shoutin' at us to riglu-in- 
 cline, and left-incline, and lay down, and ad- 
 vance, till I fair give up tryin' to do nothink only 
 what they tells me. So as we was layin' down, 
 I says to Tentpole : 
 
 " 'Ave yer ever tried steerin' a boat agen the 
 tide in a penny struggle from Wappin' up to 
 London Bridge } " 
 
 "What's that about ? " says 'e. 
 
 " 'Cos an orfficer guidin' this company's
 
 220 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 pretty much doin' the same kind o' thing," I 
 says. 
 
 " Shut yer bloomin' talk," says 'e, " and lay 
 down. And you look 'ere, you volley-firin' 
 Duffy, don't you go loosin' off at the trail no 
 more, or yer '11 be blowin' a 'ole in the back o' 
 somebody's trouseys as won't look at all nice 
 when the fightin' 's over. You keep on aimin' 
 at the enemy in yer three-shots-a-penny style, 
 and we'll drive 'em slap into the canal and 
 drownd 'em like rats." 
 
 But the enemy knowed as much about the 
 canal as us, and they was all on the run to get 
 to them bridges afore we could cut 'em off. 
 So, when we got to the canal, we found they'd 
 give us the slip acrost Norris Bridge and a pon- 
 toon ; same as when my young brother ties a 
 bit of cotton to a mouse's leg, and keeps nickin' 
 it away from the claws of our old cat till she 
 fair goes wild. 
 
 " There aint only one thing for it now," says 
 Tentpole, " and that's for us to swim the canal 
 and take 'em on the flank." 
 
 So 'e off with 'is cap, and gets 'isself ready to 
 swim. But that maneuver got a stopper put 
 on it, for fear of its drowndin' too many. Then 
 layin' down under the bank, we could just see 
 our pals of the Beds and 'Erts tryin' to rush the 
 bridges to our right. But the enemy 'ad run 
 up a fort of palin's and earth on the other side, 
 and kep' creepin' out, and firin' and runnin' 
 back, the 'ole place bustin' with flames. And 
 then they start turnin' a machine-gun on to 
 us like a fire-'ose, it workin' with a 'andle, and
 
 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 22 1 
 
 makin' a kind o' knockin' noise, as seems to let 
 all yer inside out of yer and spread it round yer 
 feet. 
 
 " Come in, come in, do ! " says Tentpole, 
 shakin' 'is fist at 'em. " Yer 'e bloomin' savages 
 yerselves, gettin' be'ind a bit o' palin' to shoot, 
 and now yer start squirtin' at us, as if we was 
 savages too, do yer? " 
 
 Just then, word comes for us all to retire. 
 So we start movin' back through some woods 
 very wild. 
 
 •' I've a dam good mind to stop," says Tent- 
 pole. " The new drill-book says as 'ow each of 
 yer should act to suit 'isself. But it's the way 
 with them Umpires. They never make no odds 
 for the quality o' the men. There aint no 
 umpires in war, thank Gord ! It'll be go-as-yer- 
 please-for-sixpence, then ! " 
 
 So we go trampin' back over miles and miles 
 of growin' stuff, and us all runnin' down with 
 sweat and thick in dust and mud. 
 
 " Never you mind," says Duffy ; " the further 
 we've got to retire, the nearer we come to 
 plum-duff. It's for dinner to-day ; 'cos I asked 
 the quartermaster sergeant whiles the 
 machine-gun was playin' its little games with 
 us. I wonder if the shackles '11 be all fat, same 
 as yesterday. And, oh, my soul ! I'd plank 
 down all the money I'm worth for a drink." 
 
 On a sudden firin' starts be'ind us again. So 
 we knowed the enemy 'ad come back over the 
 canal and was after us. Then we climb a bit 
 of a 'ill, and lay down along the top to meet 
 'em. And away to our right we see our own
 
 222 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 side stragglin' back, all mixed up together 
 any'ow, crawlin' along in lumps or strings, and 
 a lot of 'em fallin' out, and chuckin' down their 
 rifles, and startin' smokin', and not carin' for 
 what their orfificers kep' shoutin'. Sometimes 
 a section, as still 'eld together, 'ud turn about 
 and give a volley, in the style of a dead 'orse 
 kickin', and be'ind 'em come the enemy, swarm- 
 in' thick as bugs, only for bein' much livelier on 
 their feet. 
 
 " Now's the time to show what's what,'' 
 says Tentpole. " Any fat-'ead can win a 
 victory. It takes fellers like us to win a 
 defeat." 
 
 '• Yus," I says, " look at 'em comin' up agen 
 us now ! There aint 'ardly a Reg'lar among 
 'em. Think we're goin' to get the knock from 
 swine like Volunteers in gray.? " 
 
 " I sees 'em," says 'e, " and I 'ates 'em from 
 my bleedin' 'eart." 
 
 " Nor no wonder," says I. 
 
 Just then a mixed lot of our own side come 
 up the 'ill from the back, and jam theirselves in 
 between our intervals, so as to make a stand. 
 And a fat Volunteer in red comes and squeezes 
 in between me and Tentpole, and lays down 
 blowin'. 
 
 " Confound it ! " 'e says, " I've got near a 
 dozen cartridges left, and I can't put in a shot 
 nowheres." 
 
 "That's just what I've always said about 
 these 'ere battles," says Tentpole to 'im. 
 " We'd oughter do same as them Russians, as 
 issue one ball cartridge to each ten of blank.
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 223 
 
 Then we shouldn't be so thick on the ground at 
 the t\\^ o' the day. Or even supposin' ball was 
 give out by mistake now and then, same as last 
 week, maybe there's some regiments wouldn't 
 be so mighty keen for bein' always put in the 
 fightin' line, and stickin' there all day long, and 
 not givin' nobody a chance." 
 
 Then we get the order for independent firin', 
 the enemy bein' close at the bottom of the 'ill, 
 And two minutes later, seein' 'em still creepin' 
 up, an orfficer shouts : " Prepare to charge ! " 
 
 "O glory!" says Tentpole, turnin' round to 
 me, 'is eyes shinin', and 'e grinnin' for joy for 
 the fust time that day. " The butt, Jacko," 'e 
 says ; " give 'em the butt ! " 
 
 Still turnin' to me, 'e 'alf springs up ; and 
 at that moment the volunteer, bein' wild to 
 put in another shot, looses off 'is Martin-'Enry 
 slap in Tentpole's face. I see the fire spurt 
 out. 
 
 " Charge ! " shouts our orfficer. So I jump 
 over Tentpole's 'ead as 'e was layin', and make 
 for the enemy, swingin' my butt and callin' 'em 
 all manner. But an Umpire gallops up, and at 
 that moment the " Cease Fire " sounds. 
 
 So I give one more curse at the enemy, and 
 then we go creepin' up the 'ill again, the bugles 
 soundin' the " Assemble." And lookin' around, 
 it came over me as it was the very same Brocks 
 '111 where we'd drove the enemy off in the 
 mornin'. That's the way when yer'e fightin', 
 each place looks different, just accordin'. And 
 there on top lays Tentpole on 'is back, 'is eyes 
 shut, and the blood startin' out from little black
 
 224 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 
 
 'oles all over 'is face. An orfficer was washin* 
 'im with a penn'orth of lemon-water from a 
 fizzer's cart, and trying to scrape the gunpowder 
 out of the 'oles with a pocket-knife. Our fellers 
 was crowdin' round. 
 
 " 'Ooray ! " says one. " 'Ere's work for the 
 bloomin' Ambulance at last ! " 
 
 "Good old Ambulance ! " says another. 
 
 '• Cut 'is 'ead off ! " says one. 
 
 " Take and rub 'is belly with a brick ! " says 
 another. " It's quietin'." 
 
 So we lay 'im careful in the stretcher, and 
 carry 'im back to Camp ; and that evenin' 
 whiles we was listenin' to a gunner sing " The 
 Fusiliers " at the Camp Fire, an orfficer takes 
 'im off to a 'orspital in London, kit-bag and 
 all. 
 
 Next day we broke up Camp, and cleaned 
 the sandy bit of ground till it looked almost 
 the same as when we fust set eyes on it, bar- 
 rin' for the paths down the lines and the rings 
 where the tents 'ad stood, And that night I 
 went to sleep in my own 'ome, and never woke, 
 only to eat, till Monday mornin', time to go to 
 work. 
 
 But one evenin' at the end of the next week, 
 Duffy comes to our door, and 'e calls out : 
 
 " Say, Jacko ! 'ow for a look-in on Tentpole ? 
 They do say 'e's just been let out of 'orspital, 
 and 'as gone stark, starin' blind ! " 
 
 So we go along together. It was still blazin' 
 'ot, and everybody settin' out on their door- 
 steps and along the pavements, lookin' un- 
 common white and sticky. And in some o'
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 22$ 
 
 them 'ouses I know'd they'd stop talkin' on 
 them doorsteps all night sooner nor face the 
 things as they'd 'ave to face in their own 
 rooms. And I knowed 'ow', when it turned 
 light, the men 'ud mostly go and 'ave a swim 
 in the river, and come back to 'ave a bit o' 
 sleep before startin' out to work ; and the 
 women 'ud just fall off asleep where they was, 
 crowdin' up together if it 'appened to come on 
 cold just before the sun risin'. So we find old 
 Philips, as is Tentpole's father, settin' on a 
 chair one side of 'is doorway, and Mrs. Philips 
 the other. She was sewin' the buttons on a 
 pair of regimental overalls, same as civilians 
 mostly call trouseys. And 'e was stoopin' 
 down and rubbin' 'is fingers together, as is a 
 way 'e's got since when the rheumatics copped 
 'old on 'im one bitter cold winter, and took and 
 tied up 'is arms and 'ands into queer kind o' 
 knots, so as 'e shouldn't never do no work 
 again ; 'e 'avin' been as good a waterman as 
 yer'd find in our parts, and out on the river day 
 and night in all weather. And between 'em on 
 the doorstep sets Tentpole 'isself, still 'avin' on 
 'is uniform, same as when 'e was took away 
 from Camp and put in the 'orspital, only 'e 'ad 
 a white bandage tied tight over 'is eyes. And 
 the worst of all was to see 'is rifle as was laid 
 acrost 'is knees, and it all rusty and covered over 
 with dirt, so as yer might be sure 'e 'adn't set 
 eyes on it 'isself for a week, 'e bein' always clean 
 and purtikler, more especial over army things. 
 
 " What chur, boy } " we says, comin' up and 
 standin' lookin' at 'im.
 
 226 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 " What, Jacko ! What, Volley-firer ! " 'e 
 says, and we see 'is 'ands cop tight 'old on 'is 
 rifle by the small and the lower band. 
 
 Then we set ourselves down on the pave- 
 ment, leanin' back agen the wall, and says 
 nothink, 'avin' a kind o' feelin' it wasn't no 
 good for us speakin'. And alongside of us set 
 'is young brother and his two married sisters 
 with some of their babies. And now and then 
 a neighbor or two came up, and stood whis- 
 perin', same as round a corpse laid out. 
 
 So at last, thinkin' to say somethink, I says : 
 "What price the 'orspital, boy?" 
 
 " Oh, that's all right," 'e says, " only for 'avin' 
 nothink to do day nor night." 
 
 " Feed yer well ? " says Duffy, speakin' as if 
 'e was ready to start cryin'. 
 
 " Yus," 'e says, " five times a day, and plenty 
 of it, same as if yer'd been a race-'orse or some- 
 think o' that." 
 
 " Yus, and I tell 'im," says 'is mother, " as 
 that's more nor 'e'll ever be again. Nothink to 
 do — that 'e may 'ave like enough for the rest of 
 'is life, same as 'is pore father there. But five 
 times food a day 'e'll never 'ave no more." And 
 with that she fair breaks down, sobbin' and 
 cryin' over them military trouseys. 
 
 " Now don't yer be takin' on so, Mrs. 
 Philips," says Mrs. Turner, as 'ad come up and 
 was standin' by. " There's lots o' blind in the 
 world, and always 'as been. And I've 'eard 
 say they're a deal 'appier nor what the deaf are, 
 for all yer'd never think it." 
 
 " Yus, that's true enough," says one o' the
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 227 
 
 sisters, " but yer see this is where it is : Ned 
 'ere was the only one as brought 'er in anythink 
 as yer might call reg'lar. What was it yer was 
 gettin', Ned, for 'elpin' with that Billin'sgate 
 van, and doin' for them two orses ? Fourteen, 
 wasn't it ? " 
 
 " And six," says Tentpole. 
 
 "And six," she says, " and now she's lost all 
 that, and what's she got to turn to, with father 
 afflicted, and little Dick nothink but only just 
 left school, and all the rest buried, only for us 
 two, as is married out with families, and nothink 
 to spare off ourselves ? That's where it is, so it 
 aint no wonder she takes on." 
 
 " And as for them military trouseys as she 
 makes up for the firm," says the other sister, 
 " what's the good o' them ? Fivepence a pair 
 she gets, and finds her own things, and she not 
 able to make up no more nor four pair a day, 
 work as she will, what with washin' and dress- 
 in' of father, and lookin' after the 'ome and all. 
 It don't leave much over when yer've paid the 
 rent." 
 
 " No it don't," says Mrs. Philips, still cryin'; 
 " nor, what's more, the landladj'' — 'er as keeps 
 the oil shop— aint 'ad no rent this week neither, 
 and she's awful upset about it. And us as 
 'adn't never missed a week's rent since we was 
 married ! And then that there poor cripple 
 of mine was a fine young feller as it did yer 
 'eart good to see — same as Ned was only last 
 week." 
 
 " You're right," says old Philips ; " I was all 
 that, and I never thought as 'ow a son 0' mine
 
 228 ONLY AN ACCIDENT, 
 
 'ud be able to boast of bein' more misfortunate 
 nor what 'is father was afore 'im. But now 
 acourse 'e may say what 'e likes. 'Is bad luck 
 beats mine, and I'm not denyin' it. Only, jest 
 you look at that arm, and think there wasn't 
 only Timmo could show a better once ! And 
 now, look at it ! " 
 
 'E stretches out a crooked, 'orrible lookin' 
 thing, more like a big bird's leg nor anythink 
 else, with the claws all bent in. 
 
 " And don't you be takin' on so much 
 neither, guv'nor," says Mrs. Turner again. 
 " The lad aint so terrible bad off when all's 
 said. There's 'eaps 'o ways for the blind to 
 bring in an honest penny. 'E might stick a 
 placard on 'is chest, sayin' ow 'e met with the 
 accident in the defense of 'is country, and all 
 the military 'ud give 'im somethink, and no call 
 to lay out a 'alfpenny for it. Or why shouldn't 
 'e spend sixpence in buyin' a big stick and go 
 tappin' along over the pavements in the West 
 End } " 
 
 " One thing," says Duffy ; " bein' real blind, 
 'e'd be saved trouble in not 'avin' to play no 
 tricks and that." 
 
 Just then Lina Sullivan 'appens to come up. 
 She walks straight through the middle of us, 
 and sets 'erself down on the doorstep, close 
 alongside of Tentpole. 
 
 " Good-evenin', Mrs. Philips," she says ; " I've 
 been standin' sentry over my mother and old 
 Spotter. Seein' as neither on 'em can't make 
 enough to live on by theirselves, they've took 
 up a notion as maybe they '11 do better livin'
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 229 
 
 together. So they've ordered a priest ready to 
 tie 'em up in style, and now I thought it 'ud be 
 safe for me to leave the young people alone, and 
 come round to 'ave a look at yer all." 
 
 " As I was sayin', Mrs. Philips, when broke 
 in upon," says Mrs. Turner, as never could 
 abide Lina, " it aint by no means such a bad 
 thing to be blinded. 'E might get a Bible tex' 
 by 'eart, and be settin' at a corner spellin' it 
 out in a book with 'is fingers. That's a thing 
 as lots o' ladies and gen'lemen likes to see 
 done. Or 'e might kid one o' them toffs into 
 settin' 'im up with a street-organ to play around 
 for the little uns to dance to. A man told me 
 once 'e cleared three to five shillin' a day at that 
 game. 'E was wantin' to marry me on it ; and 
 there wasn't no doubt 'e kep' 'isself, and after- 
 terward I find 'e 'ad a wife and family to start 
 with, and likely 'e was obligated to give them 
 somethink too. So there's money in it, and a 
 kind o' life yer pore boy might very well foller." 
 
 " Yer right, Mrs. Turner," says one o' the 
 sisters, " or, for the matter o' that, 'e could be 
 learned to play the penny-whistle, same as the 
 blind man as stands in Aldgate with long red 
 'air and a dorg, as leads 'im along at a fair gal- 
 lop. Years and years 'e's kep' 'isself respect- 
 able, and 'e's laid by the money for a new dorg, 
 as says ' bow-wow ' for thank yer, same as the 
 last." 
 
 " And if it's nothink only a matter of buyin' 
 'im a bow-wow," says the other sister, " I'm 
 sure yours and mine 'ud be glad to put two 
 'alf-crown together, and get a real beauty,
 
 230 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 
 
 wouldn't they, Florrie ? And for the choosin' 
 of it — why, Lina, that old Spotter as is to be 
 yer new father might go round the fancy, and 
 pick up a reg'lar good five-bobber. Give the 
 old man somethink useful and respectable to 
 do for once." 
 
 " Don't yer get insultin' my father-in-law as 
 is to be," says Lina. " I'm quite able to look 
 after a father myself, thank yer — or an 'usband 
 too, when 'is time comes." 
 
 And I see 'er laugh a bit to 'erself. 
 
 " Yus," says Mrs. Turner, " and other 
 people's 'usbands beside, they do say, and I 
 make no doubt." 
 
 " Well," says Lina, " some people's 'usbands 
 do want a deal o' lookin' after, as you say, and 
 there's no denyin' it ; more especial if they've 
 tied theirselves to a woman as keeps makin' 
 'erself a bit less agreeable every mornin' and 
 evenin', and tells 'er 'usband bread's ris' and 
 the baby's brought up its dinner when 'e goes 
 for to kiss 'er." 
 
 " She's right," says old Philips, rubbin' 'is 
 'ands as usual. " Lord ! the girl's right." 
 
 " Right or not," says Mrs. Philips, " 'er talk 
 don't 'elp us to pay the rent, nor stay our stom- 
 icks neither, so fer as I can see." 
 
 " That's where it is," says Mrs. Turner ; 
 " there is some girls as won't do nothink for 
 nobody, only goin' about amusin' theirselves 
 and startin' the men laughin' like fools. And 
 fools they mostly are, if yer don't be always 
 keepin' an eye on 'em." 
 
 " And talkm' of eyes," says the lady next
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 23 1 
 
 door, " it's come over me as foldin' up paper 
 bags is just thie thing for Ned to turn 'is 'and 
 to. Giris does it mostly, but I make no doubt 
 it's as good for the bHnd to do. Or there's 
 foldin' and countin' of newspapers. My 
 'usband, bein' a printer, says it 'ud be a real 
 savin' in gas to take on nothink only blind 
 'ands, not reckonin' a foreman with a light at 
 one end o' the room. The rest 'ud enjoy their 
 work jest as much in the dark, they not knowin' 
 no difference." 
 
 " Why, Ned," says Lina on a sudden, " yer'e 
 fair sweatin' with the 'eat ! Put down that 
 there gun and " 
 
 "Don't yer be callin' it a gun," says Tent- 
 pole; " nobody only civilians talks about guns, 
 barrin' for what you'd call cannons." 
 
 " Put down that there bloomin' cat-shooter, 
 then," she says ; " and you, Jacko, take 'old on 
 'im on the other side, and we'll go and give 'im 
 a bit of a cool by the river. Wishin' of yer all 
 a good-night." 
 
 " Yer 'II be careful of 'im, Jacko, and not let 
 'im go walkin' into the water ! " says Mrs. 
 Philips. " 'E's always been a good son to me 
 up to now, and it 'ud break my 'eart if 'arm 
 come to 'im, for all 'e'll never bring us in an- 
 other penny." 
 
 " Never you mind for me, mother," says Tent- 
 pole. " I'm old enough to look after myself. 
 And as to not bringin' in no money, I was 
 goin' into the Reg'lars any'ow so soon as Dick's 
 in work, and it's little enough I could 'ave sent 
 yer then, for all me not costin' yer nothink."
 
 232 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 
 
 "Good-night, Lina," says old Philips, "and 
 Gor' bless yer. Maybe at one time I could 
 'ave give yer some kind o' recompense myself, 
 but now I must leave it to Them above, as is 
 very likely more luckier nor what I've been." 
 
 So we take 'old on Tentpole, one by each 
 arm, and as we was startin' off, I 'ear Mrs. 
 Turner grumblin', and sayin' : " A blessin' on 
 'er, indeed ! When's she ever done what yer'd 
 call solid good for anybody ? There's some 
 calls 'er takin' and that. It's easy enough to 
 be takin' when it comes by nature, and no 
 credit to nobody. But solid good — no, yer 
 won't squeedge it out o' that blood." 
 
 Then we lead Tentpole past the Fire-station 
 and the Children's 'Orspital to the old pier-'ead, 
 and set ourselves down on some timbers as was 
 layin' 'eaped up along the edge of the quay. 
 There was a bit of a moon standin' almost 
 opposite us acrost the river, but a kind of day- 
 light still 'angin' about in the sky, there bein' 
 no clouds, and the air very 'ot, only for a 
 creepin' ghost of a draught comin' up with the 
 water. The tide was runnin' near the flood, 
 and makin' a fine bubblin' noise agen the 
 beams o' the piers. And the river was thick 
 with craft, ridin' up and down the stream — 
 lighters with long sweeps, and big sailin' barges 
 with their brown sails barely flappin', and 
 dashin' little tugs pantin' and foamin' up and 
 down like coppers at a show, and great 'ootin' 
 steamers slowly makin' up for the Pool. And 
 they all went by acrost the track o' the moon 
 like a prercession, black as sin only for the red
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 233 
 
 and green and yeller lights, tellin' the kind each 
 vessel was. And all the time the thick black 
 smoke kep' pourin' out o' the funnels, and now 
 and then 'ud come a spurt of white steam as 
 well. And the water was all tossed about into 
 great waves, jumpin' this way and that, by the 
 swell and rushin' of them all. So when me and 
 Lina 'ad been lookin' for a bit, and sayin 
 nothink only for an occasional word about the 
 vessels, and Tentpole 'ad been settin' between 
 us with 'is 'ead on 'is knees, not seemin' to 
 listen, Lina turns to 'im on a sudden, and says : 
 
 " Yer know, I've always took a kind of a 
 pride in you, Ned." 
 
 " Good Gord ! What for } " says Tentpole, 
 without lookin' up. 
 
 "Oh, don't be askin' what for!" she says. 
 "That's no matter, unless maybe 'cos you never 
 was that sorft and silly sort as keeps 'ankin' 
 round, and is forever on the grin, same as most 
 young fellers." 
 
 " And I aint got no chance o' grinnin' again 
 now forever," 'e says. " But that aint no rea- 
 son for anybody to be proud o' me." 
 
 " Ned," she says, " I'm prouder of yer nor 
 what ever I was before." 
 
 " Yer 'aven't no cause to be," says 'e. 
 
 " Cause be blowed ! " says she. " Any fat- 
 'ead can 'ave a cause. I always did say as the 
 man for me must be 'ard as pavin'-stones. 
 Ned, a pavin-stone's no 'arder nor a feather-bed 
 alongside of you." 
 
 " It's good of yer to be sayin' so," says 'e ; 
 "but I don't feel like it."
 
 234 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 
 
 " Feelin' don't make no odds," she says. 
 " I'll lay, yer never felt no difference 'twixt you 
 and all the fellers, young and old, as 'ave made 
 love to me. But there was lots o' difference, all 
 the same. And the fust difference of all was as 
 yer wasn't never in love with me yerself. Now 
 was yer, Ned ? " 
 
 " Oh, blime, Lina ! What things yer'e talkin' 
 of I " 'e says. •' Yer know I wasn't never much 
 given to thinkin' about girls and that. Else 
 I make no doubt I'd 'ave liked yer well 
 enough, same as other fellers." 
 
 " No, yer wouldn't," she says, " not the same, 
 thank Gord ! And I knowed yer wasn't given 
 to thinkin' o' such things, and p'r'aps that's just 
 the first cause why I liked yer the best of 'em. 
 But it don't matter for that. I've always 
 knowed yer'd be about as easy to make up to 
 as that there iron post for windin' cables round. 
 But easy or not, it's got to be done now, so it 
 aint no good for you talkin'." 
 
 " Don't yer get laughin'at me, Lina," 'e says; 
 " there's things as a man can't 'old up against." 
 
 "Gord knows I aint laughin'," she says, 
 leanin up 'er. 'ead agen 'is side. 
 
 She 'adn't got 'er 'at on, nor nothink at all 
 smart, only for a clean white apron, and a blue- 
 and-red silk 'an'kerchief tight round 'er neck. 
 But she'd stuck a dyin' old tea-rose in 'er dress, 
 and Tentpole could smell it, and feel the sorft- 
 ness of 'er 'air close agen 'im. And there's 
 many would 'ave give all they knowed just for 
 that. 
 
 "I'm not laughin' this time," she goes on.
 
 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 235 
 
 " I've been thinkin' of it for near a week gone, 
 and it's this way : I know as ten-and-six don't 
 sound overmuch to set up keepin' a man on. 
 But it's more nor what most girls gets at the 
 Ropes, me bein' kind of superior. And I know 
 lots o' girls, more especial in the Jams at Rat- 
 cliffe, as make no more nor nine shillin', and get 
 'eaps o' young fellers wantin' to live with 'em 
 to save theirselves the trouble of doin' work. 
 Now, yer see there's a pile o' difference between 
 nine shillin' and ten-and-six ; and I can make it 
 up to eleven by offerin' to clean the stairs and 
 passages and that in our 'ouse. And in time I 
 may be gettin' twelve or fourteen, let alone 
 what the children '11 bring in after they've left 
 the school. And two shillin' a day aint so bad, 
 even if a sixpence of it 'as to go for the rent. 
 And the best of the luck is as mother's just 
 clearin' out in time, and goin' to live with old 
 Spotter. So now yer see where it is. I've 
 thought it all over, I can tell yer ! Now, don't 
 yer think yer could do with me, Ned, dear ? " 
 
 But 'e never says nothink. 
 
 " If yer don't," she goes on, with a bit of a 
 laugh, " it '11 be a bad lookout, 'cos yer've got 
 to." 
 
 But 'e only set there, sayin' nothink. 
 
 " If it's yer people yer'e thinkin' on," she 
 says, " I've thought o' them too. And what I 
 think is as they'll be free of 'avin' to keep yer 
 anyway. And there's little Dick '11 be bringin' 
 in somethink afore you know where yer are, 
 and by the time yer mother's past work we'll 
 be able to spare a bit ourselves."
 
 236 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 But Still 'e never says nothink ; only 'e lets 
 'er get 'old on 'is 'and. 
 
 " And if yer'e thinkin' any o' that blime rot," 
 she goes on, " about not carin' to 'ave a girl 
 workin' for yer, and you doin' nothink, I've 
 thought o' that too, and the one and only cause 
 for me now implorin' of yer to come and live 
 with me, is just 'cos I can't make my fortune 
 without yer, and with yer I can. Ever see me 
 dance, Ned.^ " 
 
 " No," says 'e ; " nor never shall now." 
 
 " I see yer," says I, " once down 'oppin' 
 last year, and I never see nobody else a patch 
 on it." 
 
 " Yus," she says, " it kind o' came to me, 
 did that sort o' dancin'. I dunno 'ow, and I 
 take no credit, but there it is, and there's mil- 
 lions in it, and all slippin' away every evenin' 
 just for want o' somebody to play the proper 
 kind o' music to fit in with it. It's a thing the 
 blokes in railway trains lays across their knees 
 and beats with two sticks, as yer've got to learn, 
 Ned ; and I'll sing yer the tunes every night till 
 yer get to know 'em. I always knowed I'd 'ave 
 to live with a man and learn 'im myself afore 
 I'd dance real proper. And as soon as you can 
 play 'em, we'll go round at nights together, you 
 playin', me dancin', and p'r'aps we'll get took 
 on at the Music 'Alls. Oh, bless yer soul ! two 
 pound a week won't buy us. And as to Little 
 Scotty, 'e won't 'ave a look in. So yer see, it's 
 nothink only to make money out of yer why I 
 want yer, same as other girls." 
 
 But 'e kep' on settin' there like a stone, and
 
 ONL Y AN A CCIDENT. 237 
 
 sayin' nothink. Then she takes 'is arm and 
 puts it round 'er neck, and looks up into 'is face 
 same as if 'e could see 'er. 
 
 " Speak to us, Ned," she says. " Couldn't 
 yer put up with me? Couldn't yer manage to 
 care for me a bit ? It aint nothink only yerself 
 1 want, yer know that very well. I've been 
 proud of yer ever so long. And me 'earin' of 
 the thing as 'ad 'appened to yer, I was kind o' 
 prouder of yer nor ever, and always shall be, I 
 dunno for why. Speak, Ned, won't yer ? " 
 
 Then at last 'e bust out : " O Lina," 'e says, 
 " yer'e a good girl, there aint no question. 
 And if yer wasn't, it 'ud make no manner o' 
 difference to me likin' yer. But, O Lina, yer 
 aint just the same thing as the British Army!" 
 
 " That's it ! I knowed as that was it ! " she 
 says, flarin' out, and shakin' 'is arm from 'er. 
 " It's that British Army. And what 'as the 
 British Army ever done for you, I'd like to 
 know, barrin' only blowin' yer in pieces ? Curse 
 the British Army ! What's that to me and 
 you ? What can the British Army do as I 
 can't do ? Tell us that ! Any'ow, if yer live 
 with me, I'll soon make it as lively for yer as 
 any army could. You see ! But yer shan't 
 live with me now. Go to yer bloomin' army, 
 do ! and be blasted, it and you too ! " 
 
 " I didn't mean to say nothink agen yer, 
 Lina," 'e says ; " but I always did kind of aim 
 after the army. I've got a kind o' feelin' for 
 my country, and what's called servin' of 'er. 
 I'm sure I dunno for why." 
 
 "No, nor nobody else neither," she says.
 
 238 ONLY AN ACCIDENT. 
 
 " What's yer bloomin' country ever done for 
 you ? And 'ere's me ready to do everythink in 
 the world with my body and soul for yer, and 
 it's a pretty way you take o' servin' me, tellin' 
 me as I aint the same as the British Army ! 
 And a jolly good thing it '11 be for you if I aint 
 the same, but somethink quite different, when 
 it comes to livin' with me ! " 
 
 So she sets ragin' as if they'd been married 
 ten year. And then on a sudden she swings 
 round, and puts up 'er 'ead agen 'im as before, 
 and takes 'old on 'is 'and, and she says : 
 " There, dear, there ; don't mind for what I say. 
 I don't never mean nothink of it. And I 
 shouldn't never 'ave took a fancy to yer, if 
 yer'd been sorft and easy. Only, if I do better 
 by yer nor what yer country ever did, yer '11 
 'ave to grow a kind o' feelin' for me too. 
 Wouldn't it be a kind o' recompense for yer to 
 'ave me, Ned } There's crowds o' men been in 
 love with me, thank Gord ! so I must be worth 
 somethink, I s'pose." 
 
 With that she starts putting both 'er arms 
 round 'im ; and I thought p'r'aps she'd sooner 
 'ave me go, and she look to Tentpole for 'erself. 
 So I up, and says good-night. 
 
 " Good-night, Jacko," she says ; " yer've 
 always been a good lad to me." 
 
 So I says good-night again, and leaves 'em 
 settin' alone on the old pier-'ead by the river. 
 
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 UNIYERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
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