■ill 
 
 
 Hff 
 
POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
THE 
 
 ^olitiral mxb (Btmiaml j0ems 
 
 WINTHROP MACKWORTH PRAED 
 
 EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY 
 
 SIR GEORGE YOUNG 
 
 WARD, LOCK, AND CO 
 
 LONDON : WARWICK HOUSE, SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. 
 
 NEW YORK : BOND STREET. 
 
 1888. 
 
 [All rights reserved.] 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PI 
 
 fill 
 
 PAET I. 1823—1830. 
 
 I. A FREE TRANSLATION OF A LETTER FROM PRINCE 
 HILT TO A FRIEND AT PARIS .... 
 
 II. CHANCERY MORALS 
 
 III. LETTERS TO ILLUSTRIOUS CHARACTERS : — 
 
 I. — A Complimentary Epistle to the Emperox of 
 Eussia ....... 
 
 IV. LETTERS TO ILLUSTRIOUS CHARACTERS \ 
 
 II. — To la Desiree of le Desire 
 V. LOVE'S ETERNITY .... 
 
 VI. A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES . 
 VII. ODE TO THE CHANCELLOR 
 VIII. WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. I. 
 IX. WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. II. 
 X. THE LAY OF THE CHEESE 
 XI. ROYAL EDUCATION .... 
 
 XII. THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. ". — 
 I.— The Journey to Rheims . 
 
 11 
 
 15 
 19 
 23 
 28 
 31 
 36 
 41 
 45 
 
 49 
 
 458551 
 
XIV. 
 XV. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 XX. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 XXVII, 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 K4.GKE 
 
 THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. : — 
 
 II.— Rheims »4 
 
 THE LONDON UNIVERSITY 61 
 
 AN EPITAPH ON THE LATE KING OF THE SAND- 
 WICH ISLANDS 60 
 
 THE CH AUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. I. . . 72 
 
 THE CHAUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. II. . 78 
 
 THE CHAUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. III. . 81 
 
 UTOPIA 84 
 
 THE DEATH OF CANNING 90 
 
 THE RIDDLES OF THE SPHINX . . . .93 
 
 THE OUTS 97 
 
 THE RETROSPECT 100 
 
 BIGOTRY'S REMONSTRANCE 103 
 
 TWENTY-EIGHT AND TWENTY-NINE . . .107 
 
 WATERLOO 113 
 
 MARS DISARMED BY LOVE . . . . . H7 
 
 PART IT. 1830—1831 
 
 I. THE NEW ORDER OF THINGS 
 II. THE CONVERT 
 
 III. ODE TO POPULARITY . 
 
 IV. THE COMPLAINT OF LIBERTY 
 V. WHY AND WHEREFORE 
 
 VI. KING ALFRED'S BOOK . , 
 
 VII. INTENTIONS .... 
 VII I. THE BEGGAR'S PETITION 
 
 IX. SPEECH OF THE HUSH SECRETARY 
 OF THE LOUD LIEUTENANT 
 
 123 
 126 
 
 129 
 133 
 137 
 140 
 144 
 148 
 
 151 
 
CONTEXTS. 
 
 vr 
 
 PAGE 
 
 XII. 
 XIII. 
 XIV. 
 
 XV. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 XVTI. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 XX. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 SPEECH DELIVERED BY A WORTHY ALDERMAN, 
 SEVERAL TIMES. IN COMMITTEE ON THE 
 
 REFORM BILL 155 
 
 THE BILL, THE WHOLE BILL, AND NOTHING 
 
 BUT THE BILL 159 
 
 REASONS FOR NOT RATTING .... 163 
 
 THE OLD TORY 165 
 
 THE YOUNG WHIG 168 
 
 ODE ADDRESSED TO THE RT. HON. POULETT 
 THOMSON. OX HIS DISCOVERY OF THE FRUCTI- 
 FYING PRINCIPLE . 
 THE DREAM OF A REPORTER 
 THE NEW LIGHT 
 LONG AGO . 
 
 TO 
 
 PLUS DE POLITIQUE 
 
 THE MAGIC BEXCH 
 
 PLEDGES 
 
 HUME TRANSLATED 
 
 THE OLD SOLDIER 
 
 A CABINET CAROL 
 
 STANZAS BY A TEN-POUNDER OBJECTED 
 AN EPISTLE FROM AN OLD ELECTIONEERER 
 
 THE BEGGAR'S THANKS 
 
 A NURSERY SONG 
 
 STANZAS ON SEEING THE SPEAKER ASLEE 
 
 PATRIOT AND PLACEMAN . . . 
 
 WHISTLE 
 
 THE ADIEUS OF WESTMINSTER . 
 THIRTY-TWO AXD THIRTY-THREE 
 THE WASHING OF THE BLACKAMOOR 
 MR LITTLETON'S FRIENDSHIP , 
 
 . 171 
 . 175 
 . 179 
 . 183 
 . 185 
 . 188 
 . 192 
 . 195 
 . 198 
 . 201 
 . 204 
 . 207 
 . 210 
 . 212 
 . 214 
 . 217 
 . 220 
 223 
 . 228 
 . 231 
 . 235 
 
CONTEXTS. 
 
 
 
 PAGE 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 THE REMONSTRANCE . . 
 
 . 238 
 
 XXXVII 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES.— I. . 
 
 . 241 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES.— II. . 
 
 244 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. — III. . 
 
 . 248 
 
 XL. 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. — IV. . 
 
 . 251 
 
 XLI. 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. — V. . 
 
 . 254 
 
 XLII. 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. — VI. . 
 
 . 25G 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 
 . 259 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 THE SONG OF THE NURSE 
 
 . 262 
 
 XLV. 
 
 
 
 XL VI. 
 
 A MEMBER'S MUSINGS 
 
 . 269 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 COUNSELS OF A FATHER TO HIS SO 
 
 N . .271 
 
 XLVJII. 
 
 THE WHISPERS OF THE RUE RIVOL 
 
 I . . --'74 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 
 
 L. 
 
 A FAMILIAR EPISTLE 
 
 . 279 
 
 LI. 
 
 COLLOQUIES OF THE CANONGATE . 
 
 . 282 
 
 LII. 
 
 THE LATE RESIGNATIONS 
 
 . 285 
 
 LIII. 
 
 THE SONG OF THE BELLS 
 
 . 2S8 
 
 LIV. 
 
 LINES WRITTEN UNDER A PORTRAIT 
 
 OF I.oRD 
 
 MAYO. DRAWN BY THE QUEEN 
 
 290 
 
 PART III. 1839. 
 
 I. THE CONTESTED ELECTION 
 II. THE POLITICAL DRAWING-ROOM 
 III. THE TREASURY BENCH , , 
 
 . 293 
 . 307 
 . 313 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 The Political Poems of "Winthrop Mackworth Praed 
 
 are hei'e offered to the public in a collected form ; and 
 an engagement undertaken many years ago, Avhen 
 these pieces were omitted from the edition of his 
 Poems in two volumes which was published in 1S6J, 
 with my assistance, by the late Rev. Derwent 
 Coleridge, is thus fulfilled. In the interval I have 
 been enabled to make the list more complete than it 
 could at that time have been made, particularly 
 in respect of the poems here included in Part I. of 
 the volume ; and the lapse of time has removed some 
 objections, resting upon personal considerations, to 
 the republication of the whole. The necessary 
 information for selecting poems of Praed's authorship 
 from among a multitude of others, scattered through 
 the columns of a variety of newspapers, has been 
 derived in the first place from manuscripts and 
 scrap-books in the possession of members of the poet's 
 family, and from the recollections, above all, of the 
 sister who was, during the whole period covered 
 by the first and second series, his principal cor- 
 respondent, and the depositary of his confidence. In 
 the second place, I have learnt important items in 
 
X INTRODUCTION. 
 
 conversation with contemporaries of the author, 
 since deceased, especially from Lord Macaulay, Lord 
 Belper, and Mr. Charles Knight. For the second 
 series the principal authority is a little volume 
 privately printed for the author in 1835, containing 
 forty-seven pieces. This reprint affords no ad- 
 ditional notes and very few corrections, and appears 
 to have been produced almost without supervision, 
 probably from a newspaper scrap-book. The Third 
 Part consists of three satires (one unfinished) which 
 were found among the poet's papers after his death, 
 fairly copied for the press, for which he probably in- 
 tended them. With the exception of a quotation in 
 Sir George Trevelyan's Life of Macaulay, and the 
 concluding lines, " God save the Queen," no part of 
 these has ever before been printed ; and they will, no 
 doubt, be welcome to many, as exhibiting in its 
 maturity the consummate art of Praed's peculiar 
 style. On the strength of these later poems it 
 appears probable that a high place might have been 
 claimed by their author had he lived — perhaps may 
 yet be claimed for him — among Satirists. 
 
 In deciding what pieces to include in this collection, 
 I have taken as a test the prevalence of allusions to 
 persons then living, and to measures then under con- 
 sideration. Three pieces in this volume have appeared 
 before, in the collected edition of Praed's Poems, 
 and eight others in the Selection which I edited 
 for Moxon's Miniature Poets. The rest are either 
 collected from the periodicals in which they appeared, 
 reprinted from the privately printed edition of 1835, 
 or now first published from MSS. in the possession 
 of the poet's family. 
 
 " The Devil's Decoy," misnamed by the publisher 
 " The Red Fisherman," might, strictly speaking, have 
 
\y 
 
 INTEODUCTION. XI 
 
 been added to this volume ; for it was, according 
 to Charles Knight, a personal and political pas- 
 quinade, written in scorn of the attitude taken up by 
 churchmen, by Dr. Henry Philpotts especially, in the 
 last stage of the controversy upon the Catholic claims. 
 But its picturesque scenery and sparkling versification 
 have long ago vindicated for it a place among poems 
 which are not dependent, for appreciation, upon an 
 explanation of forgotten allusions ; and the moral of 
 it is sufficiently free from occasional matter to enable 
 it to stand alone. An inquiry once appeared in 
 Notes and Queries, what was the source laid under 
 contribution by Praed for the legend of the poem. 
 I know of none ; and I believe the whole to have 
 been, in the fullest sense, the creation of his fancy. 
 
 There are still in existence a few copies of a 
 pamphlet entitled Trash, in which the squibs of the 
 St. Ives' election of 1832, unsuccessfully conducted 
 by Praed on the Conservative side against Mr. James 
 Halse as a Reformer, were reprinted for the benefit 
 of those interested in the borough, or in the fortunes 
 of the defeated candidate. They were naturally of a 
 slight and local character, not intended for preserva- 
 tion, and have been omitted in accordance with what, 
 it is believed, would have been the decided opinion of 
 the writer himself. 
 
 The dates, sources and circumstances of these 
 pieces, and explanations of the forgotten allusions, 
 have been set forth in notes prefixed to each poem. 
 Some illustrative passages have been added from the 
 poet's correspondence with the member of his family 
 above mentioned, and from other sources. The notices 
 of contemporary politics, which appealed to be re- 
 quired for a full appreciation of the satire conveyed, 
 have been made as short as possible. For want of a 
 
Xll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 little editorial work of this kind the pasquinades of 
 Moore have been left on the shelf in an unreadable 
 condition. 
 
 Something may properly be here said in reference 
 to the change of party, exhibited in the second and 
 third series included in this volume, as compared 
 with the first. That at Cambridge as an under- 
 graduate, and afterwards in London, as a young man 
 of twenty-three, Praed was, or believed himself to 
 be, a " Radical Reformer ; " that he was associated, 
 as such, with Charles Austin, Macaulay, Edward 
 Strutt (afterwards Lord Belper), and others, who 
 afterwards were known as Whigs ; and that many at 
 the time considered his entrance into public life as 
 a follower of Peel to be an apostasy from his previous 
 Liberalism — so much is undeniable. But it is fair to 
 remark, that whatever might have been said of those 
 who, between 1827 and 1832, changed from Toryism 
 to Liberalism, the man whose change was in the 
 opposite direction could have had little beside honest 
 conviction to influence him. That apart from insin- 
 cerity and interested motive there is anything wrong 
 in itself or requiring defence on moral grounds in a 
 young man of twenty-eight entering public life on 
 the side opposite to that to which till five years 
 before he had been ardently attached, will hardly be 
 maintained. From the time when Praed became a 
 public man his consistency was unimpeachable. This 
 is more than can be said of some who assailed him, 
 on this pretext, in public life. For instance, Bulwer 
 Lytton, the ringleader in a concerted attack upon 
 him, which was made in the House of Commons, on 
 the ground of his change of politics, in the year before 
 his death, was opposed to the Catholic claims at col- 
 lege, became a Radical when he entered Parliament, 
 
INTRODUCTION. Xlll 
 
 and some years later was again a Conservative, 
 and died an honoured pillar of that party. It is 
 evident from the satire on himself which he embodied 
 in his parody of a Union Debate at Cambridge, that 
 Praed was not in his undergraduate days a Reformer 
 of a very reasoning type. Although born of a Whig 
 family, and although brought up amidst traditions 
 of admiration for Milton and Cowper, the favourite 
 poets of the Whig household at the time, his own 
 cast of mind, even from early days, led him into the 
 camp of the Romantic Revival ; and of his Radical 
 " sturm und drang " but little survived to him save 
 a decided objection to religious intolerance. To such 
 a temperament the advent of Canning to the first 
 place in the State, his sympathy with constitutional 
 liberty abroad, and with Catholic Emancipation at 
 home, appealed with irresistible force : and had Cann- 
 ing lived it may safely be concluded that Praed would 
 have found himself at home in the following of one 
 with whom he had so much, besides their common 
 Etonian celebrity, in common. But Canning died, and 
 all that Praed could do he did, to record his admira- 
 tion and regret (See Part I., No. XX.) It is notice- 
 able that of Canning's enemies Lord Grey rather 
 than Peel is the subject of his animosity on this 
 occasion. Lord Lansdowne, who had supported Cann- 
 ing, received (Part I., No. XXIV.) the last tribute of 
 allegiance which he paid to a Liberal leader. When 
 the ranks of the two parties closed up for the great 
 struggle of the Reform Bill he found himself, without 
 any conscious dereliction of his previously formed 
 opinions, more in harmony with Peel than with 
 Brougham. The passing of the Catholic Emancipation 
 Act had removed the barrier between himself and 
 the new Conservative Party which Peel was forming, 
 
XIV INTRODUCTION. 
 
 after Elclon's exit, and after Wellington's failure. 
 Thus, though, the remnant of Canning's official circle 
 — Paluierston, Goderich, Grant and Lamb — found 
 it comparatively easy to join the Whigs and to swim 
 with the tide of Liberalism, Praed gravitated, almost 
 alone, towards Conservatism, and took up deliberately 
 with the falling cause of the existing Ministry, in 
 the hope that after a time it would return to power, 
 but without much solicitude for present advancement. 
 His position and his views are pretty clearly worked 
 out in the extracts from private letters which follow ; 
 letters written to his sister, the present editor's 
 mother. 
 
 "10th February, 1830.— The entrance of my friend Macaulay 
 into the great council of the nation gives me, as you will sup- 
 pose, the greatest pleasure. I cannot but think that he must 
 be the greatest man there by-and-by, and I have bespoken his 
 first frank, in the expectation of selliug it for ten pounds thirty 
 years hence. 
 
 "17th February. — What I am going to say next is very strictly 
 confidential ; it was only to be confined to myself, but you are 
 myself. Do you know that it is scarcely impossible that a seat 
 in parliament for a Government borough may be offered me 
 before the end of this session ? Fitzgerald, through whom all 
 overtures of this kind come to me, has been consulted as to my 
 probable sentiments by his cousin ; and has been examined at 
 great length by Peel, touching the same matter. The upshot of 
 the affair is, that the ministers are a little alarmed at Macaulay's 
 intrusion ; and that Peel finds himself, by Vesey's retreat, left 
 absolutely alone, so far as speaking is concerned, on that side of 
 the House. The first questicn put to my friend was, ' Whether 
 my intimacy with Macaulay was very close ? ' and the next, 
 ' Whether I should, in consequence of it, be unwilling to be pitted 
 against him ' (Peel's words) ' in the House .' ' To both these 
 questions Fitzgerald answered as I should have done, that my 
 friendship with Macaulay was the closest possible : and that I 
 should certainly refuse to occupy any post in which I should be 
 expected to place myself in personal collision with any man. 
 Then, as to my general principles and opinions, he said he had 
 
INTRODUCTION. XV 
 
 not observed anything in them which should prevent me from 
 giving generally my support to the present Administration : and 
 finally assured his great man that I should never take any 
 undue advantage of such communications as might be made me. 
 Ultimately it is settled that Vesey, before he leaves this country. 
 is to make me known to Peel ; aud for the rest — what do you 
 think ? fur I only heard all this last night, and have not yet 
 thought at all about it." 
 
 His decision, naturally enough, was to accept the 
 proposal if made ; and the matter progressed so far 
 that a seat for the borough of Wenlock was named, 
 though not to himself, as destined for him. But 
 nothing, at this time, came of it; and by the 2nd 
 March, when Macaulay made his debut in the House 
 of Commons, the matter was understood to be at an 
 end, his introductions to the chiefs of the party 
 having got no farther than Mr. Herries. Neverthe- 
 less, from this time he had chosen his side, and in 
 December of the same year he was enabled to pur- 
 chase a seat for the remaining two years (as was 
 anticipated) of that Parliament, and entered the 
 House accordingly, (but on the opposition side, the 
 Tories having in the meantime resigned office,) as 
 one of the members for the borough of St. Germains. 
 He writes to the same correspondent : — 
 
 " oth December, 1830. — I am very anxious that you should 
 not think me non compos for this step I take, aud therefore 
 I will try to state my view of the case. I pay £1,000 for a seat 
 for two years. Now, I will first consider the certain results if I 
 fail iu the house, and afterwards the probable and possible 
 results if I succeed there. 
 
 " All this would not be satisfactory if I were convinced that I 
 was sacrificing my integrity to what would be at best a doubtful 
 hope of advancement in the world. Therefore I certainly con- 
 sulted mv own feelings as scrupulously as I could. I never 
 
XVI* INTRODUCTION. 
 
 eoukl have supported a party opposed to Catholic Emancipation. 
 That question is goue. We shall have to think about reform, 
 retrenchment, the bank charter, the East India Company's 
 charter, the West India question. On the three last I agree 
 with the Outs far more decidedly than with the Ins. As to 
 retrenchment, I do not think much more can be done than the 
 Duke was willing to do. But if the Whigs contrive it, they 
 will scarcely be opposed. For reform, my opinions at college 
 were certainly pretty strong in favour of it ; but they were 
 never in favour of such a reform as it is likely the Whigs will 
 introduce. We shall see. It is not unlikely, I think, catre 
 nous, that the Out party may suffer it to pass quietly. Upon 
 their return, if ever they return, to place, it would be well to 
 have it out of their way." 
 
 Once in Parliament his career was brilliant. In 
 the early debates on the Reform Bill of 1831 he 
 avoided the encounter with Macaulay, which was 
 undertaken by Croker with some temporary success; 
 and his principal effort was a speech on a financial 
 subject. When the Bill was in Committee he took 
 an active part, as a party man, in the discussions ; 
 and two speeches of his, on moving amendments, the 
 one, that in counties to which three members were 
 assigned each constituent should have the right of 
 voting for two candidates only, and the other, that 
 freeholds within the limits of boroughs should con- 
 fer votes for the borough, and not for the county, 
 received much approval, and were reprinted as 
 pamphlets. The selection of these points seems to 
 show, in the light of the subsequent history of 
 the question, that he was possessed of considerable 
 political sagacity. Of the former of the two, the 
 same provision that was afterwards embodied by 
 Disraeli in the Reform Bill of 1867, and superseded 
 in 1886 by the one member constituencies, he writes : — 
 
 "18th Avgust, 1831. — On Saturday last I moved a very 
 
INTRODUCTION. XVU 
 
 important amendment — important in my own eyes, but so novel 
 in its nature that I could not get Peel or any of our leaders 
 except Hemes to listen to it for a moment. I brought it 
 forward on a day on which it was arranged that no discussion 
 should take place, and on which, consecpaently. the House was 
 very thinly attended. I had taken great pains with the ar- 
 rangement of my argument, and I have reason to think I was 
 very successful in its exposition. Lord Althorp replied at con- 
 siderable length, opposing my view, but giving me credit for 
 great ingenuity. Since the discussion many men, some of 
 whose names I have not yet learnt, have applied to me in the 
 House for explanation on particular points of my statement, and 
 the proposal, novel as it is, seems to have met with so much 
 favour, that I am thinking of trying a division upon it in a 
 future stage of the Bill. 
 
 "30th September, 1831. — I have to thank you for . . . the 
 Admiral's (Ekins) disquisition. He is perfectly right as to the 
 extent to winch my principle would be carried by absolute truth. 
 But the fact is, that the original fault lies higher up in the 
 system. It is wrong to give more than one representative to 
 any one constituency. Of course the effect of his proposal in 
 the case which I have argued would be to send three men to 
 Parliament by three different sets of votes. The better plan 
 would be to divide your one big constituency into three small 
 ones. See the short observation in my speech on the division of 
 counties, and the manner in which that step will forward the 
 attainment of fan representation. . . . But people will con- 
 sider nothing which does not seem calculated to serve one or 
 other of our conflicting parties." 
 
 The Session of 1832 opened favourably for Praed. 
 A very successful speech on his second amendment, 
 above noticed, effaced the memory of a comparative 
 failure of his in the debate on the second reading of 
 the second Bill, made during the autumn of the year 
 before. Sir Robert Peel, the last of the statesmen, 
 in the political history of our time, who had the wit 
 to form about him a school of his younger followers, 
 soon became very friendly with him. On the 6th 
 February he writes : — 
 
XV111 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 " I continue to receive felicitations on all sides. But what a 
 lottery is Parliamentary fame ! The subject on which I spoke 
 the other evening had undoubtedly occupied much of my 
 thoughts ; but expecting that Mr. Goulburn would have opened 
 the question, and that my part would have been to take off the 
 objections of some of our opponents, I had bestowed even less 
 study than usual on the arrangement of my arguments or the 
 structure of my sentences. And nothing that I have before 
 done has earned me half the praise of this. ... I was pleased 
 to be told yesterday, by one of our friends, that Sir R. Peel 
 speaks of liking me better (without reference to his estimate of 
 my abilities) than any other of his young recruits. I was 
 pleased, partly because I respect and admire Sir Robert very 
 much, and am therefore glad to stand well in his good graces, 
 and partly because my vanity is nattered by a confirmation of 
 an opinion which I had previously formed. For I think I have 
 told you before that I fancied there was more of friendliness 
 and cordiality in his manner to me than he is said to use 
 towards all men. I do not forget his advice to me to ' go home 
 and get to bed,' when others whom the world would call 
 kinder were complimenting me on what did not deserve com- 
 pliments." 
 
 On the passing of the Bill St. Gevmains was 
 disfranchised, and Praed's candidature at the general 
 election for the borough of St. Ives, where he had 
 some family interest, proved unsuccessful. He re- 
 mained out of Parliament till 1835. In the interval, 
 from August 1832 to August 1834, he wrote regu- 
 larly in the Morning Post, and by his efforts raised it 
 to the leading position among Conservative papers. 
 The later and larger half of the pieces contained in 
 Part II. of this volume were so written. The follow- 
 ing are extracts from letters of this period : — 
 
 " 5th April, 1833. — The reports which my friends give me of 
 the present state of the House of Commons are not such as to 
 inspire me with any very strong wish to be just now a member 
 of it ; it seems to be a more ignorant and less reasonable assembly 
 than it ever was before. The speakers are far more numerous 
 
INTRODUCTION. XIX 
 
 than they were, and everybody admits that the speeches are far 
 more dull. 
 
 " 26th May, 1833. — Many of the prose papers I have done 
 have been much noticed, and I believe the paper benefits by my 
 services, which, however, I hope after one more year my profes- 
 sional advancement will force me to discontinue. 
 
 " 29th June, 1833. — My most gratifying dinner, considered 
 with reference to my vanity, was my ' old fish dinner. ' Long 
 ago, in the time of Mr. Pitt, it became the custom for the cabinet 
 ministers, and a very few others whom they associated by ballot, 
 to go down to Greenwich once in the summer and dine upon 
 fish. This sort of club kept up its annual voyage till 1831, when 
 for the first time, the Tories being out of office, tbe dinner was 
 not eaten. Last year it was talked of, but not revived. This 
 year the laudable custom was re-established, and among the new 
 people to be invited the Duke of Wellington put my name down 
 almost the first. 
 
 " 15th July, 1833. — John Murray requested me the other day 
 to draw my pen in the service of the Quarterly, being induced 
 to do so by hearing that I was reputed the author of a very 
 pointed paper in the Morning Post, which had been noticed to 
 him by Mr. Hallam, the author of various works. Mr. Hallam, 
 you know, is a Whig." 
 
 On October 15th, 1833, he was staying with the 
 Duke of Wellington at Walmer Castle ; and on 
 January 6th, 1834, he writes: — 
 
 "Contrary to my usual practice, I came from Cambridge to town, 
 being moved thereto by a letter from the Duke, in which he 
 begged me to do with my own hand his defence against a certain 
 attack of the Times. The defence, hurriedly executed, is in 
 to-day's Post. Apropos of the Post, I had no hand in " 1833 and 
 1834," whatever it may be. I have not yet seen it. My papers 
 about the changes in the Ordnance Department, done from Sir 
 H. Hardinge's and the Duke's hints, made much noise, and con- 
 tributed to the overthrow of the scheme, which is abandoned." 
 
 The dismissal of the Whig Ministry in November 
 1834 made it evident that another general election 
 was impending ; and Praed accepted the candidature, 
 in the Conservative interest, for Great Yarmouth, 
 
XX INTRODUCTION. 
 
 While canvassing, he was offered by Peel, and accepted, 
 the Secretaryship to the Board of Control, which he 
 held accordingly during the short-lived Conservative 
 Administration of 1835. To this period belong the 
 following extracts : — 
 
 " 16th December, 1834. — Siuce I wrote my letter I went 
 canvassing with young Lacon, returned to Ormesby at twelve, 
 found a breathless messenger waiting to hurry me back to 
 Yarmouth, where a despatch awaited me from Sir E. Peel. I 
 hastened to Yarmouth, found a huge packet, sent by the guard 
 of the mail, there being no post (Monday). I found it con- 
 tained, as you may suppose, an offer of office, the Secretaryship 
 of the Beard of Control. Accept, or not ? As to my interest, 
 it was a difficult question. As to my duty, I thought it a plain 
 one ; I accepted or determined to accept. I called my principal 
 supporters together ; consulted them ; was assured my prospects 
 would be benefited rather than injured by the change iu my 
 position ; started by the mail that night ; saw Peel this morning ; 
 visited Lord Ellenborough at ovr office, and, in short, became a 
 great man, for — how long a time ? No matter ; I am right. 
 Peel has difficulties enough to contend with ; why add a mole- 
 hill to his mountain ? 
 
 " 7th February, 1835, Board of Control. — We shall soon be 
 in the thick of the fight now, wherein all our friends predict 
 that we shall win glorious victories ; and wherein I prognosticate. 
 as is my wont, disastrous defeats. However, whatever out-turn 
 this speculation may give us, it will be something to have been 
 a supporter and, in a small way, a member of the last Govern- 
 ment which will deserve the name of a Government in Great 
 Britain. Brutus in Lucan goes to cousult Cato on the propriety 
 of engaging in the Civil War. Cato deprecates Civil War in 
 general. But, quoth he, in some very fine verses, ' Far from 
 me be the reproach that 1 folded my arms in sloth while that 
 empire was falling, by whose fall the farthest ends of the world 
 will be moved.' So say I; and amid the overthrow it will be 
 a consolation that I was thought fit to hold a commission ! 
 
 " Apropos of commissions, what think you of the commission on 
 the affair of the Church ? It is to me all I ever wanted, all I 
 ever preached. Most unfortunate shall we be if a scheme so 
 wise and so honest for the advancement of sound religion shall 
 be overthrown by the mere operation of party spirit and factious 
 
INTRODUCTION. XXI 
 
 animosity. 'What a tale it will be for history to tell if Church 
 Reform, thus boldly and yet temperately commenced, shall be 
 taken from the hands of the archbishops and bishops of the 
 Church to be handed over to the Humes and O'Connells who 
 are so ready to begin upon the task ! 
 
 " But I see no reflection or reason among men ; it is all ' Turn 
 out the Tories ! ' on one side ; and it is all ' Keep out the Whig ! ' 
 on the other. Another fortnight will enable us to see more 
 clearly what is to become of us. 
 
 " 13th March, 1835. — The ministry appears to gather strength. 
 Their victory on the repeal of the Malt Tax was a very decisive 
 one. But so many of their supporters, members for agricultural 
 constituencies, have disappointed their constituents by then- 
 vote, that I imagine it will be impossible for Sir R. Peel to 
 dissolve parliament with any chance oi bettering himself , whatever 
 excesses his opponents may commit. We are, therefore, in a 
 situation of no small difficulty still. The enemy, however, if we 
 may judge by Hume's withdrawal of his motion for limiting the 
 supplies, do not feel then post one of absolute confidence. 
 
 " There have been two or three conversations in the House 
 upon matters of business connected with East India affairs, in 
 which I have had to take part. These occasions of necessary 
 appearance in debate are very advantageous to a young member. 
 
 ll 31s£ March, 1835. — The debate of last night was the opening 
 of the grand attack upon us. Read Sir J. Graham's speech , 
 particularly the close of it. It is all noble ; not only intel- 
 lectually powerful, but morally sublime. It is of no use, how- 
 ever ; we shall be beat by thirty or forty. I expect that Sir R. 
 Peel will then retire. We shall see. But my anticipations 
 are as gloomy as ever ; and I find none to sympathize with 
 me. 
 
 " With respect to Church Property : Tithe has always been a 
 less valuable property than rent — from the difference of the 
 laws by which its collection is authorized, and other causes. 
 A man could always buy £100 a year in tithe for the price he 
 would pay for £'80 a year in rent. Now, our Bill proposes to 
 give to tithe the nature of rent. Of course, therefore, you do 
 not change the value of a certain tithe, if giving to it the 
 qualities of rent you reduce it to the value which as rent it 
 would bear. A man has £100 a year — or the Church, if you 
 will, has £100 a year — in tithe. We say we will give you rent 
 for tithe ; but not £100 of rent for £100 of tithe ; no, £S0 of 
 rent for £100 of tithe. Deducting £5 for the fees of collection, 
 
XXH INTRODUCTION. 
 
 you have the £75 our Bill proposes. And there is not much 
 • robbery ' in it, comprenez-vous 1 
 
 '• -itJt April, 1835. — In another week I reckon upon having more 
 leisure. The progress of events will roll me out of the India 
 Board in a few days. 
 
 " If you have been studying the debates of the past week, I 
 think nothing I can say will add to your amazement at the 
 length to which party spirit will hurry men. Truth and reason 
 and policy all seem to be one way, and numbers are uniformly 
 the other. 
 
 " My course is one which I by no means repent of ; and if it 
 were yet to be chosen I would not make a different choice. I 
 am, therefore, personally, very indifferent as to the result. You 
 know, I have never been sanguine enough to be now mixch 
 disappointed ; and if my ambition as a politician is nipped my 
 vanity as a conjurer grows. 
 
 " 6th April, 1835. — I have not read any of the reports of my 
 speech ; but from your remark .about the inexpediency of teach- 
 ing to read on an empty stomach, I think my argument there- 
 anent must have been imperfectly (though not incorrectly) 
 stated. My argument was : (1) That as the right of property 
 in the alleged alienable £200,000 was denied by our opponents, 
 they must make out the expediency of levying that sum for 
 a particular purpose by way of tax. (2) That from so distressed 
 a population as that of Ireland the ievying of such a sum for 
 the purpose of education was a monstrous absurdity. (3) That 
 the same sum in the hands of humane and pious men, though of 
 the Protestant faith, as at present, would be much more usefully 
 employed, part of it actuallj* going for purposes of education, 
 and part in the relief of those physical sufferings for which the 
 Instruction Tax would of course do nothing. The same argument 
 was used with more force by Lord Stanley ; and the circum- 
 stance is gratifying to my vanity, whether I had happened to 
 anticipate his reasoning or he to imitate mine. You do not 
 like Lord Stanley's speech well enough .... He has raised him- 
 self in my judgment by his speech ; though I think his present 
 policy abominable. His refusal to join Sir R. Peel, to which 
 our present difficulties are mainly attributable, is said to be 
 : bj a personal hostility to the Duke. You may imagine 
 that / have little toleration for such a sentiment. 
 
 "I continue to anticipate a change of Government in the course 
 of this week. Lord Kllenborough tells me he thinks no Radicals 
 will come in. If he is correct. I have no notion how a Govern- 
 
INTRODUCTION*. XX111 
 
 ment is to be formed. We can only expect a miserable piece of 
 patchwork, which will go to pieces of itself in another month. 
 Ultimately we must have O'Connell and his gang. 
 
 " 9th April, 1S35. — I wrote you a hurried line yesterday to say 
 that we were all out ; or at least, only holding office till the 
 appointment of our successors. To-day I write to tell you what 
 I trust it is hardly necessary to tell, that whether from philosophy 
 or indifference, or something better than either, I am very 
 little moved by the change, and acquiesce with perfect tranquillity 
 in my altered fortune. 
 
 " We know nothing yet of the progress of the new arrangements. 
 The expectation is that Lord Grey will be — some say, has been — 
 sent for by the king. I think, however, it is, as yet, mere 
 opinion. People imagine, that if he should be summoned, he 
 would endeavour to construct a patchwork Government — a few 
 Whigs, a few Tories, a few no-party men ; at all events, it is 
 gossipped that he will have no Radicals. I think otherwise of 
 Lord Grey : he came into office before, full of protestations about 
 safe and moderate Reform ; and he proceeded to introduce the 
 ' Whole Bill.' He came in loud in vows of his allegiance to 
 his ' Order ; ' and soon recommended the destruction of it by 
 the creation of one hundred peers. If he comes in again now he 
 will make professions with equal ostentation, and break them 
 with equal facility. He cannot, in fact, do otherwise. He has 
 made the House of Commons such that there is no room in 
 it for moderate men. Radicalism is in the ascendant, and no 
 Government can go on without the O'Coimells. 
 
 To tell how Government did " go on without the 
 O'Connells," and how, for that purpose, the great 
 central mass of outsiders in politics found it necessary 
 for a time to sink their Liberalism, until the Free 
 Trade question revived it, is beyond the date of 
 Praed's career, and consequently beyond the purpose 
 of these notes. His work in the House of Commons 
 during the three years that remained to him was 
 not conspicuous, but was generally creditable • a pro- 
 test, in his character as an ex-official, against saddling 
 the revenues of India with the burden of a job for 
 the benefit of the Bombay Marine, a speech against 
 the abominable insincerity of Election Committees, 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 and a vote on the same occasion for a resolution of 
 O'ConnelTs, in the opposite lobby to that in which 
 the leaders of both parties found themselves, were his 
 most memorable acts. In company with Derwent 
 Coleridge, his biographer, he worked hard at the 
 foundation of the National Society, which has 
 organized, for churchmen, the Elementary Schools in 
 England. In the summer of 1838 his health began 
 to fail, and he died of a rapid consumption in July 
 1839. 
 
 The present appears a suitable occasion to set at 
 rest certain doubts as to the authorship of poems, 
 which were by Praed's last American editor, Mr. 
 W. H. Whitmore, erroneously ascribed to his pen, 
 and were excluded by Derwent Coleridge from the 
 collected edition. The error has recently been re- 
 peated, with less excuse, by a London publisher. The 
 difficulty, such as it is, arises cut of the common use, 
 at the same time and in the same periodicals, of one 
 and the same initial by way of signature, the Greek 
 uncial $, by Praed, and by his friend Edward M. 
 Fitzgerald. This Fitzgerald is by no means to be 
 confounded with the " hoarse Fitzgerald " of Byron's 
 English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, who was parodied 
 in the first piece of the Rejected Addresses ; and still 
 less with the Edward Fitzgerald who rewrote Omar 
 Khayam and the Agamemnon of iEschylus in 
 English. He was a cousin of Mr. Vesey Fitzgerald, 
 whose defeat for the County Clare in 1828 converted 
 the Duke of Wellington to Catholic Emancipation ; 
 he was an Irishman, possessed of some talent for 
 verse, and some social gifts, and he died some years 
 after Praed's death, which happened in 1839. Two 
 or three poems of his, written in imitation of Praed, 
 have been included by Mr. Locker Lampson in his 
 
INTRODUCTION. XXV 
 
 Lyra Elegantiarum ; he has also left some good 
 political pieces ; but apart from Praed's inspiration, I 
 do not think there is anything of his composing which 
 merits notice, unless it be a bitter lampoon on Thomas 
 Moore, which appeared in the Morning Post of 25th 
 September, 1835. In distinguishing his pieces from 
 Praed's it has been impossible for me to ignore in 
 him a certain ingrained vulgarity, a deficiency of 
 accurate knowledge of Latin, an imperfect mastery of 
 metre, an indifference to grammar, and a laxity in 
 rhyming, which, together with a fondness for musical 
 slang, for Irish allusions, and for quotations from 
 Byron, make up the notes of a rather unsatisfactory 
 writer. How different from these are the charac- 
 teristics of Praed's style his admirers will not need 
 to be informed ; and it is nothing less than a duty 
 in his editor to protect Praed's memory from the 
 ascription of pieces impossible for him to have written 
 and quite unworthy of his fame. 
 
 The signature <£ first appears in the New Monthly 
 Magazine in the years 1821-4.* The pieces so signed 
 are spiritless and sentimental ; and when compared 
 with Praed's contemporaneous poetry in Knights' 
 Quarterly Magazine, will not be attributed to him. 
 Meantime, in the Morning Chronicle of 1823-5 there 
 appeared over the same signature the majority of the 
 poems contained in Part I. of this volume, a sufficient 
 number of which are known to be Praed's to justify 
 the ascription of the whole series to him. Praed 
 retained the same initial for two of his known 
 contributions to the Sjrfiynx in 1827, and for one of 
 those which he sent to Friendships Offering for 1828. 
 So far no doubt or difficulty arises. That Fitzgerald 
 was the 4> of the New Monthly Magazine at this date 
 
 * See vol. ii., p. 550 ; vol. iv., p. 2G and vol. s., p. 48. 
 
xxvi INTRODUCTION. 
 
 cannot be positively asserted: but I believe be was 
 an early contributor to its pages.* 
 
 In subsequent volumes of tbe magazine a more 
 puzzling problem presents itself. Its editor from 
 1820 to 1829 was Thomas Campbell; and in 1825 
 his attention was drawn to the 3> poems in the 
 Morning Chronicle, and especially to that on the 
 London University (No. XIV. of Part I.), of which, as 
 is well known, he was the most active promoter. In 
 November of that year Praed mentions in a private 
 letter that he had been asked to contribute to 
 " Colburn's Magazine;" and accordingly within twelve 
 months of that date there appeared four of his poems 
 in its pages, the last of which, " Time's Song " (see 
 vol. i. of "the Collected Poems, p. 296), he signed with 
 his old Morning Chronicle signature 4>. What follows 
 is matter of conjecture. It is believed that this 
 unintentional trespass, on his part, upon the sign- 
 manual of another contributor, may have led to an 
 introduction, to an acquaintance between the two, 
 and to a merry agreement to dispute the possession 
 of it, by writing for it in competition, under Thomas 
 Campbell's banner. Certain it is, that about this time 
 a friendship began between Praed and Fitzgerald, and 
 that during the years 1827-9 no less than seventeen 
 poems appear in the New Monthly which are signed 
 Avith a " Phi," but with significant differences in the 
 type. The first seven have a very small uncial 3>, from 
 a different fount to that previously employed. Of 
 these the first, " A Song of Impossibilities " (Part L, 
 No. YI.) is obviously Praed's. The second, " Lines 
 to the Fourteenth of February " (Collected Poems, vol. 
 h\, p. 176) is, no doubt, by Praed also, possibly with 
 
 * See " Stanza* to Lord Edward Fitzgerald," signed F., vol 
 v., p. 351. 
 
INTRODUCTION. XXV11 
 
 Fitzgerald's collaboration. The third I have no hesita- 
 tion in ascribing to Fitzgerald alone. It contains 
 all the distinguishing notes of his style.* Then 
 follow three poems which are known to be Praed's : 
 "Utopia" (see Part, I., No. XIX.) "Good-night to 
 the Season " (Collected Poems, vol. ii., p. 183), the 
 original MSS. of which, in Praed's handwriting, is in 
 the possession of Sir Theodore Martin ; and " My 
 Partner" (Collected Poems, vol. ii., p. 150. The last 
 of the seven signed with the small uncial $ is "A 
 Chapter of Ifs ; " this is, in my opinion, by Fitzgerald, 
 but possibly with Praed's collaboration. By this 
 time Praed's right, by conquest, to the disputed initial 
 may be considered to have become established ; and 
 in June 1828 an amicable partition appears to have 
 been effected, Praed retaining the uncial <£>, which 
 assumed its original goodly proportions, while Fitz- 
 gerald contented himself with the cursive <£. This 
 arrangement held good till May 1829, when Bulwer 
 Lytton became editor of the magazine, and the two 
 friends simultaneously discontinued their contribu- 
 tions. In 1832, after Thomas Hood had succeeded to 
 the editorship, Praed sent him one piece without a 
 signature ; he was now writing regularly in the Con- 
 servative press, and naturally had no wish to identify 
 himself with his earlier ego of Morning Chronicle 
 celebrity. Fitzgerald meanwhile used (or abused) the 
 signature on many occasions. I have tracked him in 
 
 * The following is the best verse ; the imitation of Praed is 
 very close, but the grammar is weak, in two places : — 
 
 "I think of youth— its walks and rides 
 
 O'er hills and trackless plains together, 
 The charming disregard of guides, 
 
 The sweet forgetf ulness of weather ; 
 And that bright day, and that dark wood, 
 
 Where love's long silence first was broken, 
 In words not clearly understood, 
 
 Because not very clearly spoken." 
 
XXVlii INTRODUCTION. 
 
 the Literary Souvenir for 1830 and 1831,. in the Gem 
 for 1831, in the Morning Post of January and 
 February 1832, and in the Court Journal of the same 
 period, sometimes signing <i>, sometimes tf>, sometimes 
 E, or F; and finally, in the New Monthly of 1837, 
 during Theodore Hook's short editorship, he began a 
 series over the initial $ which continued with un- 
 abated vigour till some years after Praed's death. 
 It is safe to say of these, as of all the " Phi " pieces 
 which may be unearthed hereafter of later date than 
 1830, that Praed wrote no line of any of them. He 
 may, however, have assisted Fitzgerald in some of 
 his 'political pieces, written, as stated in my Notes on 
 Part II., Nos. XXXVL, LIL, for the Morning Post 
 in 1833-5. 
 
 This theory of the distribution of the " Phi " poems, 
 I had long ago worked out independently, chiefly 
 from internal evidence. But I have since, by Sir 
 Theodore Martin's kindness, been enabled to verify it, 
 in a remarkable manner, by means of the autographs 
 in his possession. 
 
 With the above-mentioned autograph poem of 
 Praed's Sir Theodore Martin purchased another in a 
 different handwriting, said to be that of Fitzgerald, 
 " Praed's friend." It is called " Chivalry at a Discount," 
 and was printed in the New Monthly for January 
 1829 ; and also in Mr. Locker Lampson's Lyra Ele- 
 gantiarum. This poem, although signed with the 
 cursive <£, has been attributed to Praed, erroneously 
 indeed, but more plausibly than the rest of Fitzgerald's 
 imitations, for, as Sir T. Martin's MS. shows, it was 
 throughout corrected by Praed himself ! The motto 
 from Barry Cornwall is of his supplying; and an 
 emendation in the last stanza presents so droll an 
 example of the relations between the two friends, 
 
INTRODUCTION. XXIX 
 
 that it is worth while to quote it. Fitzgerald had 
 written : — 
 
 " Oh had I lived in those bright times, 
 
 Fair Cousin, for thy glances — 
 
 Instead of many senseless rhymes — 
 
 I had been breaking lances ! " 
 
 The grammar of which is not more faulty than the 
 sentiment is, trite. Praed corrects — and the little 
 round text characters seem to laugh in our faces as 
 they run : — 
 
 " Oh, had I in those times been bred, 
 
 Fair Cousin, for thy glances — 
 
 Instead of breaking Priscians head, 
 
 I had been breaking lances ! " 
 
 With which may be compared, from the " Eve of 
 Battle" (Collected Poems, vol. ii., p. 11), 
 
 " On, on ! take forts and storm positions ! 
 Break Frenchmen's heads, instead of Priscian's." 
 
 The composition is signed with an erased initial, 
 apparently a cursive Greek £, but imperfectly formed ; 
 and also by a badly formed <£. There are appended 
 two inscriptions, by way of direction to the printer ; 
 the first is in Praed's handwriting : " Signature same 
 as Mr. Praed's, but small letter instead of capital ; " 
 the second is in Charles Knight's, and runs thus: 
 " <£ JIS Tnis CK. Keep out for next month the last 
 of Mr. Praed's sent by me with the proof of sheet 3rd. 
 CK." This requires a short explanation ; Knight 
 was at the time editing the London Magazine (see 
 his Passages of a Working Life, vol. ii., pp. 67, 109); 
 and to the third volume of the third series of it, 
 the last that ever appeared, both Praed and Fitz- 
 gerald largely contributed. In this periodical, as 
 
XXX ' INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Knight himself informed me, they used for signatures 
 to their poetry the Greek letters a and £. Knight 
 marked the pieces for me, from memory, in an 
 American copy, and, as I have found by comparison, 
 gave Praed those only which were signed with the 
 uncial H. Now in July 1829 the London was merged 
 in the JS'ew Monthly; and while this transaction was 
 in contemplation it seems that Knight must have 
 been exercising a power to transfer contributions 
 from the one to the other, and was probably engaged 
 on the editing of both. A prose paper in the New 
 Monthly for January 1829, "First Friendships," is 
 easily to be identified as of Knight's own writing. 
 
 I subjoin a list of the pieces which have been, by 
 Mr. Whit more and others, attributed to Praed, and 
 are, in all probability, by Fitzgerald.* Mr Whit- 
 
 * From the New Monthly Magazine. — " A Chapter of Ifs " ; 
 " The Light o' Love " ; " Chivalry at a Discount " ; " Song to a 
 Serenader in February"; "Sybil's Letter" ; "Cousins" ; "A 
 Classical Walk " ; "Stanzas" (The songs she sung) ; "Because" ; 
 "The Conjuror"; "Stanzas" (Look down, etc.); "The For- 
 saken"; "Bagatelles," and eight charades. Praed wrote no 
 charades in this magazine. 
 
 From the London Magazine. — " The Separation " ; " Stanzas 
 
 to "; "Hobbledehoys"; "Stanzas to "; "Dreams" ; 
 
 " Good-night." 
 
 From the Literary Souvenir. — " An Invitation " ; "Chivalry 
 at a Discount " (another poem with this title). 
 
 Source Undetected. — " Confessions from the MS. of a Sexagena- 
 rian " ; " An Old-fashioned Recipe." Mr. Whitmoi-e also 
 prints a mass of "Doubtful Pieces," by himself and others, in 
 an Appendix, which he cannot seriously wish any one to sup- 
 pose are Praed's. " A Letter from Miss A. Mortimer to Sir H. 
 Clifton" (N. M. M., vol. xxviii., p. 214), is obviously Irish in 
 origin ; but not, I think, good enough for Fitzgerald. It is 
 probably to be attributed to a perpetrator of other execrauda in 
 the same pages, who signed himself O'C. The "Sonnet to 
 Ada," by mistake assigned to Praed in the third edition of The 
 Etonian, was by Chauncey Hare Townshend. 
 
INTRODUCTION. XXXI 
 
 more has further called attention to the publication 
 of two of Praed's songs, " with music by Mrs. E. M. 
 Fitzgerald." She was an amateur singer of some 
 considerable attraction ; and the songs mentioned, 
 with some others, were written for her piano. 
 
 I trust I have succeeded in leaving no excuse 
 for ascribing Fitzgerald's imitations to Praed. 
 Internal evidence might have been relied on, even 
 without the external, to establish the same con- 
 clusions. But internal evidence will never prevent 
 hasty critics from reviving a fallacy. As a proof 
 that Praed's fame has suffered from the ascription 
 to him of a mass of verse which is unworthy of him, 
 I may adduce some smart lines, written by the late 
 Mr. Mortimer Collins, and circulated by him as 
 Praed's, by way of a joke. There was no great harm in 
 this, if the verses had been a good imitation of Praed ; 
 but, as a fact, they are only an imitation of the imita- 
 tion ; very fair " Fitzgerald," but very unfair " Praed." 
 
 There are indications in his writings that Praed 
 was not under any delusions as to the limitations 
 of his own genius. He is not, and never supposed 
 himself to be, among the greater singers. He wrote 
 to please, and pleased by simple means. His limita- 
 tions are, however, partly self-imposed. He might 
 easily have raised a coarser laugh, or have inflicted 
 an empoisoned wound. He turned away from such 
 triumphs, and refused such praise. It is only his due 
 that his muse should be cleared from the discredit of 
 inferior work, in which there is much that his taste 
 would have rejected, and much more that his 
 judgment would have condemned. Only after such 
 a process of sifting can his readers be in a position 
 fairly to estimate his merits. 
 
 Of those merits it is no part of my intention to write 
 
XXX11 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 at length. They are of a character not easy to be 
 missed. Since Ovid, with the exception of Pope, there 
 has been no such fluency of versification, no such in- 
 genuity of poetical rhetoric. As a writer of political 
 satire Praed does not enter the lists with Swift and 
 Marvel ; still less does he cope with Juvenal ; he is among 
 the light horsemen, of whom Horace is unapproachably 
 the first. Here, however, he is first among English 
 writers ; before Prior, before Canning, before the 
 authors of the Rolliad, and far before Moore or any of 
 the still anonymous contributors to the later London 
 Press. Satire of this kind is out of fashion now. Our 
 present minor poets have one great fault, that they want 
 too often to be major poets. The themes they choose, 
 the styles they affect, require fuller inspiration. The 
 lower walks of poetry, abandoned by the cleverest, 
 are invaded in turn by scribblers and rhymesters, 
 who have neither the industry to learn how to make 
 verses, nor the ear to recognize a verse when it is 
 made. Our politics suffer from this cause. Party 
 spirit becomes more sombre, when its humorous side 
 is not brought into prominence. Hypocrisy and 
 Puffery might be not so immodest, if occasionally 
 scarified by the lash of Thalia. In the absence of 
 humour we become abusive. More satire would 
 sweeten the air of controversy. It is a mistake to 
 suppose that satire is necessarily unamiable ; a satirist 
 is not the same as a cynic. These are some of the 
 reflections suggested by a perusal of such pages as 
 follow. Those who do not agree with them will at 
 least agree in this — that the book is, emphatically, an 
 amusing book. 
 
POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Part I. 
 
 1823—1830. 
 
A FREE TRANSLATION OF A LETTER FROM 
 PRINCE HILT TO A FRIEND AT PARIS. 
 
 [This earliest that I have found of Praed's Political Poems 
 appeared in the Morning Chronicle of 7th Aug., 1823, signed *. 
 It occurs fairly transcribed in an original MSS. book of the poet's, 
 containing, among other things, the earliest copy of "Lillian."' 
 There are some slight variations from the published copy, which 
 appear to be corrections. 
 
 " Prince Hilt " is the Due d' Angouleme, elder son of Charles X., 
 and nephew of Louis XVIII. On the 7th April this prince passed 
 the Bidassoa at the head of a French army of 100,000 men, and 
 invaded Spain, in collusion with its monarch, Perdinand VII., 
 for the purpose of suppressing the Spanish " Constitution of 1812,'' 
 which had been re-established in 1820, as the result of the insur- 
 rection of Riego, and of the treachery of O'Donnel. The Holy 
 Alliance, instituted by the Czar Alexander after the fall of 
 Napoleon, and joined by Ferdinand in 1817, was at the bottom of 
 this aggression, which had been resolved upon at the Congress 
 of Verona. The Spanish Ministry, taking the king along with 
 them, retired to Seville. On May 23rd the French main body 
 entered Madrid ; but the left wing, under Marshal Moncey, ex- 
 perienced much resistance in Catalonia from the Guerrilla forces 
 under Mina, and was effectually prevented from taking part in 
 the advance. Soon, however, O'Donnel, at the head of the national 
 forces, again betrayed his employers, and declared for submission 
 to the French demands ; but being met with some indignation 
 from his own officers, he fled privately from his head quarters, 
 
■4 : \ •••, POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 and joined the invaders. The king was thereupon carried off to 
 Cadiz, which was soon afterwards besieged. O'Donnel's example 
 of treason was on June 26 followed by General Morillo, to whom 
 the chief command had been entrusted in the north of Spain ; 
 and although he was abandoned by all but a very small force, his 
 defection took away all heart for further resistance from the 
 Constitutional Army. Eiego became a fugitive, was captured, 
 and ultimately hanged. On the 31st August, the Trocadero, an 
 outwork of Cadiz, was surprised ; and the war ended, Oct. 1, 
 with the surrender of Cadiz. The attitude of England, in the 
 later days of Lord Liverpool's administration, with Canning for 
 foreign minister, was one of disgusted neutrality.] 
 
 From climate hot and hot campaign 
 
 I write, ma chere amie, 
 To let you know how nobly Spain 
 
 Agrees with France and me ; 
 All folks misled by false pretences 
 Recover now their chains, and senses, 
 
 And all the crowds I see 
 Adore, without the slightest shyness, 
 The Inquisition, and my Highness. 
 
 Whene'er we meet a whiskered foe 
 
 He's sure to be defeated, 
 Qly bulletins have told you so) 
 
 Yet corpses have retreated ; 
 And every day the battle-slain, 
 Substantial ghosts, start up again, 
 
 And Hell and I are cheated, 
 And blade and ball begin to soften, 
 We kill the brutes so very often ! 
 
A FREE TRANSLATION OF A LETTER. 
 
 We pass our time delightfully ; 
 
 I like, as I'm a sinner, 
 My laurels after victory, 
 
 My claret after dinner ; 
 Yet mirth and meat are very dear, 
 And pursuivant and pioneer 
 
 Are looking rather thinner ; 
 And though I love the Spanish ladies, 
 I wish they'd let us into Cadiz. 
 
 I also like Madrid nobility 
 
 Where Dons and Dames abound, 
 And patronize Madrid civility 
 
 Where drums and Vivas sound ; 
 I also like the Friars and Nuns, 
 The cowls, the Canons — not the guns — 
 
 And look in rapture round 
 When all the Counts and all their wives 
 Damn the Guerrillas and their knives. 
 
 The peasantry seem quite content ; 
 
 The King has got the gout ; 
 The Cortez seem securely pent — 
 
 The devil may drive them out ! 
 Old Moncey has been often bit ; 
 But he has length of beard and wit, 
 
 And knows what he's about ; 
 While Mina swears in every weather, 
 And cuts his jokes and throats together. 
 
POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 You know O'Donnel's plot was blown ; 
 
 And General Morillo 
 Might just as well have left alone 
 
 His little peccadillo. 
 They did not, sweetest love, amuse, 
 And were not of the smallest use ; 
 
 And I must wear the willow, 
 And mourn that two such glorious traitors 
 Could only bring their grins and gaiters. 
 
 Adieu ! you'll understand my story 
 
 From this right royal rhyme ; 
 I've gained a deal of ground and glory, 
 
 And lost a deal of time. 
 My uniform is much admired : 
 (I'm getting wonderfully tired) 
 
 My boots are quite sublime ; 
 And I remember in my prayer 
 Paris — kid gloves — et vous ma chere ! 
 
II. 
 
 CHANCERY MORALS. 
 
 f Side by side with the last poem there appeared, in the next 
 column of the Morning Chronicle, notices of an article in the 
 current number of the Edinburgh Review, criticising some recent 
 equity decisions by Lord Eldon in matters of copyright. By 
 these decisions it had been established that no protection would 
 be given to copyright by way of injunction, where the contents 
 of the work were calculated to do injury to the public, or to 
 contradict the doctrines of the Scriptures. Under the second 
 head was decided, in 1822, the case of Murray v. Benbow, where 
 the work pirated was Byron's " Cain." Under the first an 
 injunction was dissolved, during this year, which had been granted 
 by Vice-Chancellor Gifford, to restrain a pirated edition of " Don 
 Juan." Other works to which protection was on similar grounds 
 refused, were Wolcofs " Peter Pindar," Southey's " Wat Tyler," 
 and the Physiological Lectures of Sir W. Lawrence, delivered at 
 the College of Surgeons ; these last on the ground that the 
 Chancellor " entertained a doubt, he thought a rational doubt," 
 whether they were not inconsistent with the doctrine of the 
 immortality of the soul. See Jacob's Chancery Reports, p. 474. 
 
 This poem appeared in the same paper, with the same signature 
 as the last, on August 12, 1823 ; and is also transcribed, with a 
 few emendations, in the MSS. book above noticed. — Of the book- 
 sellers mentioned, Carlile was the subject of several prosecutions 
 for blasphemous and indecent publications, and was at the time 
 undergoing a sentence of fine and imprisonment, for reprinting 
 Paine's " Age of Reason," and Elihu Palmer's " Principles of 
 
8 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Nature."— The " fence " is, of course, the receiver of stolen goods. 
 It used to cause some laughter in court, when Lord Eldon solemnly 
 announced that " he had read " the objectionable volume.] 
 
 " Round, around, about, about, about : 
 All ill come running in, all good keep out."— Macbeth. 
 
 Bold Benbow rubs his jovial eyes, 
 
 And lands tbe Law's refinement ; 
 Dense Dugdale is in ecstasies, 
 
 Though Carlile's in confinement ; 
 And guilt hath wed legality ; 
 
 And useful through the nation 
 Is prurience to publicity 
 
 And sin to circulation. 
 " Don Juan was a horrid beast, 
 
 And that was why we selled 'un : " 
 So say the Statutes ; or at least 
 
 So says the Earl of Eldon. 
 
 Pert Poll has come from Kentish Town 
 
 With sixpence in her pocket, 
 Bed Bose has sold her yellow gown, 
 
 Meek Meg her little locket, 
 And Molly, who with Mrs. Fry 
 
 Has crammed a deal of cant, goes 
 To pawn her prayers for poetry, 
 
 Her canticles for Cantos. 
 " ' Don Juan ' is a very feast, 
 
 So wicked 'tis and well done, 
 
CHANCERY MORALS. U 
 
 We thank Heav'n for it — or at least 
 We thank the Earl of Eldon ! " 
 
 The City hath its myriads sent 
 
 To learn what Byron's pen does, 
 And bakers study sentiment, 
 
 And butchers innuendoes ; 
 And big Bow bells unheeded chime, 
 
 And Beaux and Belles grow tender ; 
 And Taste admires a double rhyme 
 
 And Ton a double entendre; 
 And frail ones, whose illicit trade 
 
 Could never else have held on, 
 Cry " Bless my soul ! our fortune's made ! 
 
 Long live the Earl of Eldon 1 : ' 
 
 The girls of the Academy, 
 
 With empty heads and purses, 
 Bless Charity and Chancery 
 
 For cheapening naughty verses ; 
 And Mauds and Marys peep and pay 
 
 With sigh and shilling ready, 
 And Anna envies " Julia," 
 
 And Araminta " Haidee " ; 
 And Gouvemantes are furious quite — 
 
 " Lord ! what have Bet and Bell done ? 
 They've read ' Don Juan ' through to-night, 
 
 And blest the Earl of Eldon ! : ' 
 
10 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Bad Byron loathes the legal Fence, 
 
 The guardian of good order, 
 The conqueror of common sense 
 
 From Cornwall to the Border ; 
 And damns his doubts and his delays, 
 
 His quibbles and quotations, 
 His knowing nods and solemn says, 
 
 His robes and revelations. 
 " This piracy will never do ! 
 
 I'll send you down to Hell, Don ; 
 The devils have a right to you — 
 
 So says the Earl of Eldon." 
 
III. 
 
 LETTERS TO ILLUSTRIOUS CHARACTERS. 
 
 I. A COMPLIMENTARY EPISTLE TO THE EMPEROR 
 
 OP RUSSIA. 
 
 [From the Morning Chronicle of 1st Sept., 1823, signed *. What- 
 ever respect for the Czar Alexander the events of 1814 might 
 have left in the minds of Englishmen was entirely obliterated by 
 the Franco-Spanish War. The first and last stanzas of this 
 epistle have, however, a satiric intention reflecting upon some 
 one nearer home than Russia ; some one to whom Tierney's 
 speeches and Canning's frets were of more moment than they 
 could possibly be to a Romanoff, without any Parliamentary 
 Opposition to bother him.— Pozzo di Borgo, the Corsican employed 
 by Russia as Ambassador at Paris, and Tierney, the not very 
 brilliant leader of the Whig Opposition, are already almost for- 
 gotten ; and the circumstances that Alexander was at one time 
 suspected of complicity in his father's murder, and that he had 
 recently issued a ukase to prevent any report being published in 
 Russia of the trial of Carlile, may be noticed, in explanation of 
 the elaborate sneers that are bestowed upon him.] 
 
 Great Sire, since Princes sometimes ask — 
 
 For Princes are but men — 
 Respite from table and from task, 
 From Petersburg's enlivening flask 
 
 And Pozzo's patent pen, 
 
12 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Don't give your Royal brain the vapours 
 By opening Opposition papers ; 
 Leave Prince and Parliament alone, 
 To squabble for their barren bone ; 
 While Pittites pout and Foxites fume, 
 And Mr. Peel drubs Mr. Hume, 
 Mind only how your Guards are laced, 
 And pinch your subjects, and your waist, 
 And put embroidery on your breeches, 
 And read no more of Tierney's speeches. 
 
 For me, I am a loyal wight, 
 
 And love to flatter Princes ; 
 The Treasury triumphs when 1 write, 
 
 And all the faction winces ; 
 And I am going to compare 
 Your father's honourable heir 
 With Philip's less resplendent son, 
 The glory of old Macedon. 
 Look very grand and very gracious, 
 And smooth your brow and your mustachios, 
 And let a would-be Laureate tell a 
 Few stories of the Prince of Pella. 
 
 Philip and Paul, your sire and his, 
 
 Both found a gory bier ; 
 He shed the murderers' blood for this, 
 
 And you — the mourner's tear ; 
 
LETTERS TO ILLUSTRIOUS CHARACTERS. 13 
 
 He rooted up, you down — the "weed ; 
 
 And sage was your adviser, 
 For his might be the holier deed, 
 
 But yours was far the wiser ; 
 Your boasting, like his bowl, mounts high ; 
 
 He poured his long libations 
 As quickly as your Majesty 
 
 Can pour your protestations ; 
 And Greece was ever fond of whim, 
 
 And fond of falsehood too, 
 And, as she swallowed wine for him, 
 
 She swallows lies for you. 
 Both made a bonfire in the land, 
 
 For love's — or glory's lures ; 
 Sweet Thais lit the Grecian brand, 
 
 And sour Rostopchin yours. 
 Your torch was dipped in grief and gore, 
 
 And his in mirth and laughter ; 
 He drank a drop or two before, 
 
 You wept as many after. 
 You both were swift in letting blood, 
 
 And both were swift in swearing, 
 And, if he passed Granicus' flood, 
 
 Why, you have passed all bearing ; 
 So both have made a monstrous fuss, 
 
 And made the barbers prate, 
 And you are dubbed Magnanimous, 
 
 And he was voted Great. 
 
14 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And lauded and bespattered thus 
 
 By gazers and by gapers, 
 He lies in his sarcophagus, 
 
 And you — in your state-papers. 
 
 And so farewell ! Live on, in all 
 
 That decks a crown with gladness, 
 In tented field and tapestried hall, 
 
 In majesty and madness ; 
 Enjoy the tailor's cunning toil, 
 And patronize Macassar Oil, 
 And never heed how Canning frets, 
 And plan your soldiers' epaulettes ; 
 And sleep, begirt by vows and verses, 
 And bowing Counts, and bitter curses. 
 
IV. 
 LETTERS TO ILLUSTRIOUS CHARACTERS. 
 
 II. TO LA DESIREE OF LE DESIRE. 
 
 [Morning Chronicle, 23rd Sept., 1823, signed 4>. The particular 
 fair one who was the much admired, at this juncture, of the elderly 
 Monarch, Louis XVILT. of France, was apparently Madame Du 
 Cay la.— The town of Cadiz was still invested, though the chance 
 of its holding out long was infinitesimal. — Talleyrand, created 
 Prince of Benevento by Napoleon, had been Bishop of Autun 
 before the Revolution ; and was considered likely, old as he 
 was, to survive the restored monarchy — as indeed he actually 
 did. — Lafayette, after being the hero of one stage of the Revo- 
 lution, and very nearly the victim of another, had been kept 
 for some time very safely in an Austrian prison, and had lived 
 quietly while Napoleon was in power ; but he was now figuring 
 away at a great rate as an Opposition leader, and shortly after- 
 wards found it prudent to make a starring tour in the United 
 States.] 
 
 Fair Lady, from whose lips and eyes 
 
 The Royal Bourbon snatches 
 Oblivion of rebellious cries, 
 Thick legs and thicker Deputies, 
 
 Short wit and long despatches, 
 Sweet Sorceress, at whose smile or frown, 
 
 The Father of all France 
 
16 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Sinks all the sorrows of the Crown, 
 And leaves the Duke to take the town, 
 
 Or else — to take his chance ; 
 Forgive me if I dare intrude 
 
 On your exalted station, 
 And venture — I was always rude — 
 To greet you in your solitude 
 With song and salutation. 
 
 Queen of the play-house and the Press, 
 
 Of operas and of odes, 
 Supreme o'er dances and o'er dress, 
 All-influencing patroness 
 
 Of ministers and modes, 
 'Tis yours — 'tis yours to bring again 
 Legitimacy's glorious reign, 
 And fill again the arms of kings 
 With liaisons and twenty things 
 Which fled in horror from the scene 
 Of Sansculotte and Guillotine. 
 
 Yours is the great and varied sway 
 Which politics and pins obey ; 
 Yours is the empire, as is fit, 
 O'er Church and Senate, war and wit, 
 Cures and canons, marshals, misses, 
 Cards, compliments, charades, and kisses, 
 The soldier's sash, the poet's dream, 
 New bonnets, and the old regime. 
 
LETTERS TO ILLUSTRIOUS CHARACTERS. 17 
 
 The fair and faded Marquis flies 
 
 To tell his griefs to you, 
 With dingy coat and twitching eyes, 
 Cold sentiments and burning sighs, 
 
 Long stories and long queue. 
 To you the happy author brings 
 
 His dry though dripping sheet, 
 And reads, and raves, and swears, and sings, 
 And eulogizes limping kings 
 
 In very limping feet ; 
 And advocates fill up the crowd 
 Immensely ignorant and loud, 
 And officers with bloodless blades, 
 Who practise grins and gasconnades, 
 And doat on laces and liqueur, 
 Love, glory, and the Moniteur ; 
 And the Prince-Prelate — for he know3 
 How all the pageant comes and goes, 
 Looks on in silence all the while 
 With shaking head and quiet smile, 
 And smothers, till a proper season, 
 His studied jest and plotted treason. 
 
 Thrice blest is he for whom you deck 
 Your boudoir and your curls, 
 
 For whom you clothe your snowy neck 
 In perfumes and in pearls ; 
 
18 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Thrice blest, for he remembers not 
 
 That horrible Convention, 
 The perils of his exiled lot, 
 
 His patrons, and his pension ; 
 And Spain is low, and Rentes are high, 
 
 In spite of Lafayette ; 
 And Paris is in ecstasy, 
 
 And England is in debt ; 
 And Soult and Suchet fret and grieve, 
 And pretty Poissardes bellow " Vive t " 
 And Murder sleeps in St. Helena, 
 And Moncey is besieging Mina; 
 And that dark day can ne'er come back, 
 When stars and ribbands went to wrack, 
 When Gallia lost her lord and master, 
 And Peace fled fast, and he fled faster ; 
 And all the fops who drank and dressed, 
 And wore a trinket at the breast, 
 In peril of their life and limb, 
 Packed up their trunks, and followed him. 
 
V. 
 LOVE'S ETERNITY. 
 
 [This is the earliest poem of a type often afterwards repeated 
 by Praed, in which a strain of social compliment, or a mere verbal 
 tune, is made the setting for as many allusions to personages or 
 topics of the day as it seemed good to the versifier to introduce. 
 " Patter-songs " they may be called ; but they are, at all events, 
 very good patter. It appeared in the Morning Chronicle of 
 6th May, 1824, and was quoted to me by Charles Knight as " by 
 your uncle." It has the same signature, *, as the preceding 
 series. — For Carlile, see No. II. above. — The John Bull, edited by 
 Theodore Hook, is repeatedly attacked in these pieces for its in- 
 decency and scurrility. — The Tenth Hussars, afterwards Lord 
 Cardigan's regiment, were notable for their cherry-coloured 
 breeches, George IV. 's army-tailoring masterpiece. — Hoops had 
 to wait thirty years, before the Empress Eugenie brought 
 them "in" again. — Bankes, though a dull writer, and a strong 
 partisan of the No-popery school, was not more dishonest than 
 other Tories — or Whigs ; but he was Tory member for Cambridge 
 University, and therefore more obnoxious than others to an under- 
 graduate Liberal. — Alexander Baring, afterwards Lord Ashburton, 
 was one of those eminent authorities on finance, who are 
 eminently uncongenial to light-hearted rhymesters. — Mr. Martin, 
 the member for Gal way, was a standing joke in the House, but 
 did good service to humanity with some of his numerous Bills to 
 prevent Cruelty to Animals. — Mr. Cobbett, editor of the ultra- 
 Radical Weekly Register, got in, like other Radicals, in 1832. — The 
 ladies mentioned in the last couplet were famous — or otherwise — 
 in their day.] 
 
20 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 " Cum Paris Enone potuit sperare relicta 
 Ad fontem Xanthi versa recurrit aqua." — Ovid. 
 
 What need of wit 1 What need of wile ? 
 
 I know your eyes are killing ; 
 But ok ! ke isn't worth a smile, 
 
 Who isn't worth a shilling ! 
 And yet, by all the gods of rhyme, 
 
 And by your lips I swear, 
 Though all my love is loss of time 
 
 And all my hope despair, 
 The glittering stream shall cease to stray, 
 
 The wind refuse to rove, 
 All solid things shall melt away, 
 
 Before I cease to love ! 
 
 Fair Freedom shall be found in Quod. 
 
 Stern Justice in the Quorum, 
 Carlile shall praise the grace of God, 
 
 John Bull shall learn decorum, 
 Loyal addresses shall omit 
 
 " Our fortunes and our lives," 
 The Commons shall be famed for wit, 
 
 The Lords for virtuous wives, 
 The Tenth shall dress without a glass 
 
 Or dine with one remove, 
 All monstrous things shall come to pass 
 
 Before I cease to love. 
 
love's eternity. 21 
 
 Young widowhood shall lose its weeds, 
 
 Old kings shall loathe the Tories, 
 And monks be tired of telling beads, 
 
 Aad blues of telling stories ; 
 And titled suitors shall be crossed, 
 
 And famished poets married, 
 And Canning's motion shall be lost 
 
 And Hume's amendment carried, 
 And Chancery shall cease to doubt, 
 
 And Algebra to prove, 
 And hoops come in, and gas go out, 
 
 Before I cease to love. 
 
 And Peel shall sink his Popery-cry, 
 
 And Buxton lay his plans down, 
 And Bankes shall vote with honesty, 
 
 And Liverpool with Lansdowne ; 
 And hungry knights shall lose their steak 
 
 And never talk of pairing, 
 And county members keep awake 
 
 Through half an hour of Baring ; 
 And not a soul shall go to grin 
 
 When Martin goes to move, 
 And Mr. Cobbett shall get in, 
 
 Before I cease to love ! 
 
 Good sense shall go to Parliament, 
 
 The tithe shall be abated, 
 
22 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 A Papist shall be innocent, 
 
 A slave emancipated, 
 A French gallant shall break his heart, 
 
 A Spanish Count his fetters, 
 A fortune-teller trust her art, 
 
 A Radical his betters ; 
 A pretty face shall like a veil, 
 
 A pretty hand a glove, 
 And Reason win, and bribery fail, 
 
 Before I cease to love. 
 
 In short, the world shall all go mad, 
 
 And saints shall take to masquing, 
 And kisses and estates be had 
 
 For nothing but the asking ; 
 And beauty shall be ugliness, 
 
 And ocean shall be dry, 
 And passion shall be passionless 
 
 And truth itself a lie, 
 And " Stars " shall cease to shine below, 
 
 And stars to shine above, 
 And Cunningham be left for Lowe, 
 
 Before I cease to love. 
 
VI. 
 
 A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES. 
 
 [Appeared in the January number for 1827 of the New Monthly 
 Magazine, and has been preferred to this place, in order that it 
 may follow directly on the last. The signature again is *, which 
 was being used by Praed, when he wrote this, in common with 
 E. M. Fitzgerald. — The lime-tree avenue of Trinity College, 
 planted 1717, is still famous. — Sir Thomas Buckler Lethbridge of 
 Sandhill Park, a typical squire from Somerset, represented his 
 county for more than twenty years. The stiffer Tories were deaf 
 to the anti-protectionist ideas, of which Mr. Huskisson was the 
 representative in the Ministry. — Mr. Sumner stood for Surrey un- 
 successfully at the General Election of May 1826.— Mr. Bankes 
 (see No. V.) had written a book of his travels in the East, for 
 which James Silk Buckingham did the plates, and afterwards re- 
 published them, in " Travels " of his own. — Mr. Henry Bishop, after- 
 wards knighted, the representative of the English School in music, 
 produced in 1826 his grand opera of Aladdin, by way of rivalry 
 with Weber's Oberon. Its failure may be said to have definitely 
 established his position as a second-rate composer. — Theatrical 
 performances being prohibited within the limits of the Vice- 
 Chancellor's authority, the study of Tom Thumb, Fielding's bur- 
 lesque tragedy, was of less frequency among gentlemen at college 
 in those days, than it has been since Mr. Burnand founded the 
 A.D.C. — Dr. G-eldart was Professor of Civil Law at Cambridge ; 
 what slip in scholarship had thrown doubt upon his knowledge of 
 Greek, I have not been able to ascertain. — In the great commercial 
 crisis of December 1825, the first bank to break was that of Sir \Y. 
 
24 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Pole and Co., December 5. The next day that of Messrs. Williams 
 followed the example, but this firm eventually resumed payment, 
 mainly in consequence of Mr. Henry Thornton's support, who 
 was connected with the firm. — Mr. Const had been for many years 
 Chairman of the Middlesex Magistrates, and might be supposed to 
 have outlived all illusions on the subject of " highly honourable " 
 rogues. — The Right Hon. Charles Watkin "Wynn, second son of 
 Sir Watkin, and grandson of George G-renville, was at this time 
 President of the Board of Control. Praed writes under date 
 2'2ud Feb., 1830, " The great Duke complains bitterly of the in- 
 efficiency of the Treasury Corps ; and says, with oaths that I 
 will not shock you by repeating, ' Privy Councillors ought to 
 speak, — -Privy Councillors OUGHT to speak ! ' " — Grecian scrip was 
 not very likely to rise, after the treatment which the Greeks 
 received from their friends ; for which see Moore's u Ghost of 
 Miltiades," directed against Joseph Hume : — 
 
 He runs to tell how hard his lot is 
 
 To Messrs. Orlando and Luriotti's, 
 
 And says, " O Greece, for Liberty's sake 
 
 Do buy my scrip, and T vow to break 
 
 Those dark unholy bonds of thine — 
 
 If you'll only consent to buy up mine ! "] 
 
 "lei finit le roman ; ou l'on remarquera que je ne suis pas heureux 
 dans la conclusion de mes amours." — Rousseau. 
 
 Lady, I loved you all last year, 
 
 How honestly and well — 
 Alas ! would weary you to hear, 
 
 And torture me to tell ; 
 I raved beneath the midnight sky, 
 
 I sang beneath the limes — 
 Orlando in my lunacy, 
 
 And Petrarch in my rhymes. 
 But all is over ! When the sun 
 
 Dries up the boundless main, 
 
A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES. 
 
 When black is white, false-hearted one, 
 I may be yours again ! 
 
 When passion's early hopes and fears 
 
 Are not derided things ; 
 When truth is found in falling tears, 
 
 Or faith in golden rings ; 
 When the dark Fates that rule our way 
 
 Instruct me where they hide 
 One woman that would ne'er betray, 
 
 One friend that never lied ; 
 When summer shines without a cloud, 
 
 And bliss without a pain ; 
 When worth is noticed in a crowd, 
 
 I may be yours again ! 
 
 When science pours the light of day 
 
 Upon the lords of lands ; 
 When Huskisson is heard to say 
 
 That Lethbridge understands ; 
 When wrinkles work their way in youth, 
 
 Or Eldon's in a hurry ; 
 When lawyers represent the truth, 
 
 Or Mr. Sumner Surrey ; 
 When aldermen taste eloquence 
 
 Or bricklayers champagne ; 
 When common law is common sense, 
 
 I may be yours again 
 
 25 
 
26 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 When learned judges play the beau, 
 
 Or learned pigs the tabor ; 
 When traveller Bankes beats Cicero, 
 
 Or Mr. Bishop Weber ; 
 .When Sinking Funds discharge a debt, 
 
 Or female hands a bomb ; 
 When bankrupts study the Gazette, 
 
 Or colleges Tom Thumb ; 
 When little fishes learn to speak, 
 
 Or poets not to feign ; 
 When Dr. Gel dart construes Greek, 
 
 I may be yours again I 
 
 When Pole and Thornton honour cheques, 
 
 Or Mr. Const a rogue ; 
 When Jericho's in Middlesex, 
 
 Or minuets in vogue ; 
 When Highgate goes to Devonport, 
 
 Or fashion to Guildhall ; 
 When argument is heard at Court, 
 
 Or Mr. Wynn at all ; 
 When Sidney Smith forgets to jest, 
 
 Or farmers to complain ; 
 When kings that are are not the best, 
 
 I may be yours again ! 
 
 When peers from telling money shrink, 
 Or monks from telling lies ; 
 
A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES. 27 
 
 When hydrogen begins to sink, 
 
 Or Grecian scrip to rise ; 
 When German poets cease to dream, 
 
 Americans to guess ; 
 When Freedom sheds her holy beam 
 
 On Negroes, and the Press ; 
 When there is any fear of Rome, 
 
 Or any hope of Spain ; 
 When Ireland is a happy home, 
 
 I may be yours again 1 
 
 When you can cancel what has been, 
 
 Or alter what must be, 
 Or bring once more that vanished scene, 
 
 Those withered joys, to me ; 
 When you can tune the broken lute, 
 
 Or deck the blighted wreath, 
 Or rear the garden's richest fruit, 
 
 Upon a blasted heath ; 
 When you can lure the wolf at bay 
 
 Back to his shattered chain, 
 To-day may then be yesterday — 
 
 I may be yours again ! 
 
VII. 
 ODE TO THE CHANCELLOR. 
 
 IMITATED FROM HORACE, III., XV. 
 
 [From the Morning Chronicle of 14th Feb., 1825, signed *. Praed 
 took his degree about this time, and was already beginning to " eat 
 dinners " at the Middle Temple. This Ode appears to have been 
 the fruit of a first visit to the precincts of the Law, where the 
 extravagant delays of Lord Eldon, now not more than 74 years of 
 age, but occupied chiefly in nursing his reputation as a judge, 
 and in political intrigue, would be the common topic at the 
 students' table ; and the singular aptitude of legal " shop " for 
 punning purposes could not fail to strike a punster. — Robinson, 
 afterwards Lord Goderich, was now Chancellor of the Exchequer. — 
 Lord Eldon's grudging distribution of the coveted " silk gown," 
 the emblem of the dignity of a King's Counsel, was especially 
 noticeable in the case of Whig aspirants. His long tenure of 
 the Woolsack had effectually blocked the highest step in the 
 ladder of legal promotion ; but some amends had been made to 
 the Bar by the institution in 1813 of the office of Vice-Chancellor, 
 and in 1&23 Lord Gifford was appointed Deputy-Speaker in the 
 Lords, for the sake of improving the Appeal Tribunal. There is 
 a formidable indictment of Lord Eldon, on the ground of his 
 procrastinations, in the Edinburgh Review for October 1823 ; the 
 topic was from this time forward never long without mention in 
 the press ; in 1824 the conduct of the attacks passed from Mr. 
 Michael Angelo Taylor, who was hardly un homme serieux, to Mr. 
 John Williams ; and in 1827 a hostile vote in the Commons, 
 followed by the substitution of Canning for Liverpool as Prime 
 Minister, forced the unwilling Chancellor to resign.] 
 
ODE TO THE CHANCELLOR. 29 
 
 1 Old Lady of Chancery, why do you tarry 
 
 So long on the throne of your vanishing reign ? 
 The neighbourhood titters whene'er you miscarry, 
 And hints that your labours are labours in vain. 
 
 There is one thing at least, which your closest 
 endeavour 
 
 Will hardly discover a reason to doubt, 
 That be candles and statesmen how wicked soever, 
 
 All candles and statesmen at last must go out. 
 
 When girls in their summer begin to grow willing, 
 Their grandmothers think about making their 
 wills ; 
 
 And oh, you had better be done with your billing, 
 Before your old lovers say " no " to your bills ! 
 
 'Tis all very pretty, when love or defiance 
 
 Is breathed from the lips of a younger coquette ; 
 
 When Peel is seduced by the Holy Alliance, 
 Or Robinson flirts with the Xational Debt. 
 
 2 But it is not for you, when the grave gapes before 
 
 you. 
 To be scaring gilt stars with those wrinkles of awe ; 
 1 Uxor pauperis Ibyci, 
 
 Tandem nequitias fige niodum tuae, 
 Famosisque laborious. 
 
 Maturo propior desine funeri 
 
 stellis nebulam spargere candidis. 
 
30 POLITICAL AXD OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Giving garters and ribbands to fools who adore you, 
 And stealing silk gowns from your daughters-in- 
 law. 
 
 1 Sweet GifFord, I grant, as your tenderness taught 
 
 her, 
 May flaunt in rich suits, and be kind to appeals ; 
 And dabble her scull in the dirtiest water, 
 
 Like a Greenlander, all for the love of the seals ; 
 
 2 But you — put your salary up in your full sack, 
 
 And go to your grave with a gentle decline ; 
 Take a nightcap of woollens instead of a wool-sack, 
 And leave to George Canning his roses and wine. 
 
 1 filia rectius 
 
 Expugnat juvemim domos j 
 
 IUam cogit amor Nothi 
 Lascivas similem ludere caprese. 
 
 Te lana? prope nobilem 
 Tonsas Luceriam, non citharje, decent. 
 
VIII. 
 WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. I. 
 
 [Morning Chronicle, 17 February, 1825, signed *. On the 10th 
 February Mr. Goulburn, as Secretary to the Lord Lieutenant, 
 moved to bring in a " Bill to suppress unlawful Associations in 
 Ireland," directed against the Catholic Association. The speech 
 is a tedious one, and this parody of it is helped out with lights 
 from other speakers. Thus the second stanza is from Canning ; 
 " Self-elected, seli-constituted, self-assembled, self-adjourned, ac- 
 knowledging no superior, tolerating no equal, interfering in all 
 stages with the administration of justice," denouncing individuals, 
 menacing the press, levying contributions — " the House was 
 justified in saying it should exist no longer." It was an object 
 with the Ministerial speakers to establish that the Association 
 was virtually of a representative character, since this peculiarity 
 would, if it had been accorded, have brought it within the ban 
 of the existing law. At the same time, stress was laid upon its 
 representing one opinion only ; Mr. Goulburn enlarged upon this, 
 and upon its imitation of the powers of Parliament ; also upon 
 the collection of the so-called " Rent," and upon outrages, abetted 
 or only hypocritically discountenanced by the chiefs of the Asso- 
 ciation. Peel and Plunkett spoke on the same side. Among such 
 colleagues, taking diametrically opposite views on the main 
 question of Catholic Emancipation, there could not but be a good 
 deal of firing into each other's ranks ; and in the travesty of their 
 arguments which follows full advantage has been taken of the 
 circumstance. Thus Plunkett seemed to allow that " the inten- 
 tions of the Association were now honest and peaceable;" and 
 when to this was added the admission necessary in order to make 
 
32 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 out a case for legislation, that there was " nothing illegal " in the 
 Association, so far as concerned ita avowed proceedings, as the 
 law then stood, it is easy to see that room was left for a telling 
 rejoinder in debate. The operation of the Bill was limited to 
 three years, a short-sighted provision ; and in 1828 the Associa- 
 tion was revived accordingly, and speedily brought matters to a 
 crisis. — The Catholic Kent was a subscription of one penny per 
 month, collected chiefly through the agency of the parish priests, 
 and handed over to O'Connell, to be expended at his discretion. 
 It was paid in this form by about half a million of Irishmen, and 
 was largely supplemented by subscriptions of one guinea per annum 
 from the wealthier Catholics. — Mr. Butterworth, the law publisher 
 in Fleet Street, was Treasurer of the Wesleyan Methodist Con- 
 nexion, one of the founders of the Bible Society, and M.P. for 
 Dover. Among Nonconformists he took a leading part in 
 opposition to the Catholic claims. He was the son of a Lancashire 
 Baptist minister, and any connexion between him and Lutterworth 
 must have been nominal merely. — The gravamen is the technical 
 name given to a grievance, viewed as the subject for a resolution 
 in the Lower House of Convocation.] 
 
 " Ere our measures we move, our facts we must 
 prove," 
 Says the solemn official Goulburn ; 
 And proceeds with grave face to establish his case, 
 
 Like a meagre octavo from Colburn : 
 Undertaking to show that a vigorous blow, 
 Struck home by the heads of the nation, 
 In the name of the Crown, ought at once to put 
 down 
 The Catholic Association. 
 
 " Sir, they never were sent to misrepresent 
 Our counties, ports, boroughs and cities ; 
 
WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. 33 
 
 Yet they constantly ape our voice, manner and 
 shape, 
 Standing orders and standing committees ; 
 Self -convoked, self-returned, self-controlled, self- 
 adjourned, 
 Without more than six weeks' vacation, 
 They make such a fuss, not a soul cares for Us : 
 This impudent Association ! 
 
 " How freely they sent their Catholic " Rent " 
 (A Popish misnomer for taxing), 
 While Robinson burns at their easy returns 
 
 Who pocket the money for axing ! 
 Very true, they're not willing to part with a 
 shilling ; 
 Their subscriptions are mere affectation, 
 By menaces made up — though readily paid up — 
 Hypocritical Association ! 
 
 " Our reliance how just, that the law we could trust 
 For protecting our wives and our daughters — 
 Though we very well know, only three years ago 
 
 Ireland lay like a log on the waters ! 
 What monsters are those, who dare interpose 
 
 In our criminal administration ! 
 Though all the committed are tried — and acquitted ; 
 What a culpable Association 1 
 
 3 
 
34 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 " Sir, turning from Law, we must listen with awe 
 To the sounds of confusion and riot ; 
 But if all tamely sit, and in silence submit — 
 They are still more alarming when quiet ! 
 Of all evils accurst, civil war is the worst, 
 
 And fiery insubordination ! 
 Better bloodshed and rout, than a peace brought 
 about 
 By this damnable Association 1 
 
 " Sir, I hold that the priests are no better than 
 beasts — 
 In spite of some trifling varieties ; 
 And beg to disclaim all this fury and flame 
 
 On the part of the Bible Societies. 
 The Ass in the Fable was quite as much able 
 
 In Heaven to produce agitation, 
 As aught this side Hell — but the soul-shaking bell 
 Of the Catholic Association ! 
 
 " "Without throwing dirt, I most fully assert — 
 Contradict me who dare or who can, Sir — 
 That our foes are plunged in incompatible sin 1 
 Let the votes of this House give the answer 
 Most humble, yet proudest — most silent, yet 
 loudest — 
 The greatest — and least — in creation, 
 
WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. 35 
 
 The strongest — the weakest, the fiercest — the 
 meekest, 
 Is the Catholic Association. 
 
 " We must check by main force their dangerous 
 course, 
 Put them down by the sword of the Law, Sir ! 
 But if our Act fail, our mere wish will prevail, 
 And our enemies, bowing, withdraw — Sir ! " 
 He ceased. Mr. Butterworth, a preacher from 
 Lutterworth, 
 Stood as clerk to his clear predication ; 
 Most pious of laymen, he groaned a grave Amen ! 
 So good-night to the Association ! 
 
IX. 
 
 WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. II. 
 
 [The famous speech of the Duke of York, 25th April 1825, on 
 presenting a petition against Sir F. Burdett's Catholic Eelief Bill, 
 is not unfairly parodied in the following poem, which appeared in 
 the Morning Chronicle, 9th June, 1825. It was so rash and ill- 
 considered an effusion, that a revised edition had to be substituted ; 
 and even in this form it produced a great popular effect, and tended 
 greatly to the defeat of the Bill. I have seen it hung up, printed 
 in gilt letters, framed and glazed, not fifteen years ago, in the 
 club room of a public-house, where a Brunswick Lodge had been 
 accustomed to meet. When this poem was written, the Bill had 
 gone up to the Lords, and had been rejected, 18th May, 1825, by a 
 majority of forty-eight. Messrs Leslie Foster, North, and Brown- 
 low had spoken in the House of Commons against the Bill, Mr. 
 North with considerable ability ; it is needless to say, the supposi- 
 tion of their conversion is an instance of rhetorical enhancement 
 per impossibife, not an allusion to anything that really happened. — 
 I cannot find that Scarlett took more than a colourable part in the 
 debate. — Dr. Bathurst, Bishop of Norwich, spoke in favour of the 
 Bill, shortly and eloquently. 
 
 Paget, Marquis of Anglesey, was Lord Lieutenant of Ireland ; 
 he had succeeded to the Marquis of Wellesley, displaced for undue 
 concessions to O'Connell ; but in 1829 he committed the same 
 offence, and was dismissed by his old chief, the Duke of Welling- 
 ton, just before the Duke himself gave way. — The Bishop of 
 Chester. Dr. Blomfield, afterwards Bishop of London, followed 
 Bishop Bathurst in a learned speech, with a good many quotations 
 
WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. o7 
 
 from Juvenal.— The slip about the heir-apparent (which should 
 have been heir-presumptive) is repeated in the next piece. 
 
 I have the authority of the late Lord Belper for ascribing this 
 piece to Praed. There is no title to it as originally printed.] 
 
 " So help me God ! " - Sjxech of the Duke of York. 
 " God help thee, silly one ! " — Poetry of the Anti-Jacobin. 
 
 " My lords, since things at last are come 
 
 To such a situation, 
 That members of the Church of Rome 
 
 Grow weary of starvation ; 
 Since in the Commons House for once 
 
 Some common sense is seated, 
 Since Mr. Bankes is called a dunce 
 
 And Mr. Peel defeated ; 
 Since Noble Lords begin to joke 
 
 When Orthodoxy preaches, 
 And toil profanely to provoke 
 
 Meek prelates to make speeches ; 
 Since Plunket is not deemed a thief ; 
 
 Since placemen talk of reason ; 
 Since freedom is not unbelief, 
 
 Nor toleration treason, 
 Nought but a Godhead, or an ass, 
 
 Can mar this wicked work. 
 My Lords, this Bill shall never pass, 
 
 So help me God ! " said York. 
 
 " Though Mr. Leslie Foster winced 
 From what he once asserted ; 
 
38 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Though Mr. Brownlow is convinced, 
 
 And Mr. North converted ; 
 Though even country gentlemen 
 
 Are sick of half their maggots, 
 And rustics mock the Vicar, when - 
 
 He prates of fiery faggots ; 
 Though Hurne and Brougham and twenty more 
 
 Are swaggering and swearing, 
 And Scarlett hopes the scarlet whore 
 
 Will not be found past bearing ; 
 Though Reverend Norwich does not mind 
 
 The feuds of two and seven, 
 And trusts that humble prayer may find 
 
 A dozen roads to Heaven ; 
 Till royal heads are lit with gas — 
 
 Till Hebrews dine off pork — 
 My Lords, this Bill shall never pass, 
 
 So help me God ! " said York. 
 
 ' ; Let England from her slumbers wake 
 
 To greet her best adviser, 
 And know, that nought on earth can make 
 
 The Heir Apparent wiser. 
 I care not how the seasons fly ; 
 
 How circumstances alter ; 
 I care not for necessity, 
 
 Which makes Olympus falter ; 
 
WISDOM OF THE GREAT COUNCIL. 
 
 I care not for a Parliament ; 
 
 I care not for a people ; 
 I care not for an argument 
 
 As long as Strasburg steeple ; 
 I care not who are faithful still, 
 
 I care not who are failers, 
 In short, I care for Burdett's bill 
 
 As much as for my tailor's ; 
 And though the rebels rise en masse 
 
 With bludgeon and with fork, 
 My Lords, this Bill shall never pass, 
 
 So help me God ! " said York. 
 
 " Oh, yes, let English wrath appal 
 
 The Irish brutes and Catos ; 
 And let the curse of famine fall 
 
 On all who eat potatoes ; 
 Let gold, my Lords, be spent like dust, 
 
 Let blood be spilt like water, 
 Let churchmen preach by cut and thrust, 
 
 And educate by slaughter ; 
 Let Bradley King and Harcourt Lees 
 
 Awake their zeal and learning, 
 And nib their pen for rhapsodies, 
 
 And light their torch for burning ; 
 Let Paget choose a proper stand 
 
 Against the Pope's invaders, 
 
40 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And Chester raise his reverend hand 
 
 To bless the Lord's crusaders ; 
 Let Ireland read a mournful mass 
 
 From Holyhead to Cork : 
 My Lords, this Bill shall never pass, 
 
 So help me God ! " said York. 
 
 " And think, my Lords ! when kings are crowned 
 
 A solemn oath is plighted ; 
 Which he who thinks an empty sound 
 
 Is grievously benighted ; 
 And sure, my Lords, that noble lord 
 
 Has very little breeding 
 Who asks a king to break his word 
 
 To save a little bleeding ! 
 I speak my own peculiar creed ; 
 
 I answer for no other ; 
 Of course I don't presume to read 
 
 The conscience of my brother ; 
 But I, where'er my head may rest, 
 
 Whate'er my lot or station — 
 I pledge myself to do my best 
 
 To plague the Irish nation. 
 There once a clever fable was 
 
 About a Log, and Stork : 
 My Lords, this Bill shall never pass, 
 
 So help me God ! " said York. 
 
X. 
 
 THE LAY OF THE CHEESE. 
 
 [The incident commemorated in this Lay is no fiction. A 
 Cheshire cheese, of 160 lbs. weight, was subscribed for by sundry 
 ardent Protestants residing in Chester, and solemnly presented to 
 the Duke of York, with an enthusiastic address, by the two county 
 members, Mr. Davis Davenport and Mr. Wilbraham Egerton. The 
 address may be read in the Times of June 4, 1825, and the Duke's 
 answer, appreciative, but rather short, a few days later. A second 
 cheese was intended for the Diocesan, whose editions of Greek 
 plays of ^schylus had been sharply criticised in the Edinburgh 
 Review. History does not say if it was presented. — Lord Eldon 
 writes, about this date, " The Duke of York is at Newmarket. It 
 is to be regretted that, in his highly important and lofty situation, 
 he spends so many days with blacklegs, and so many nights at 
 cards." He had recently been compelled by his creditors to sell 
 Oatlands Park ; not before his relations with neighbouring trades- 
 men had become a scandal, which is still remembered on the spot. 
 — The " lawyer "is probably Lord Eldon, who got the credit, unde- 
 servedly, of having put up the Duke to speak the speech.] 
 
 " Does your Honour like cheese ? " " Like it ! " said the Duke, whose 
 good-nature anticipated what was to follow, " cakes and cheese are a 
 dinner for an Emperor ! " — Heart of Midlothian. 
 
 The Pope, that pagan full of pride, 
 From whom may Heaven defend us, 
 
 Did lay one summer eventide, 
 A horrid plot to end us ; 
 
42 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 O'Connell came and talked his fill ; 
 Sir Francis Burdett made a Bill ; 
 And honest men felt great alarms, 
 Both for their faiths and for their farms, 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire ! 
 
 We heard around the savage cries 
 
 Of men with ragged breeches, 
 Who practised the barbarities 
 
 Of making hay — and speeches ; 
 And Popish priests, disguised like Whigs, 
 Prepared to steal the Parson's pigs, 
 To overthrow the Church and steeple 
 And break the backs of upright people, 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire ! 
 
 Then up the Heir Apparent got 
 
 Of Britain's wide dominion, 
 And said that Heaven and Earth should not 
 
 Demolish his opinion ; 
 That Heirs Apparent were not meant 
 To listen to an argument, 
 And bringing Royal Dukes to reason, 
 He thought, was little short of treason — 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire. 
 
 And what reward did men devise 
 For such a peroration, 
 
THE LAY OF TIIE CHEESE. 43 
 
 Which saved their lives and liberties 
 
 From transubstantiation ? 
 A long address, filled full of beauties, 
 Expressive of their loves and duties ; 
 And also a prodigious cheese, 
 As heavy as Sir Harcourt Lees — 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire. 
 
 Rank makes a virtue of a sin ; 
 
 Small labour it would cost one 
 To prove that Peers a cheese may win, 
 
 As .^Esop's magpie lost one. 
 The Prince and pie perhaps inherit 
 A voice of nearly equal merit ; 
 A fox induced the bird to puke; 
 A lawyer bammed the Royal Duke — 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire. 
 
 " Blest cheese," said girls in grogram vests, 
 
 " Rub off your rural shyness ; 
 And feast his Royal Highness' guests, 
 
 And feast his Royal Highness. 
 'Tis thine to catch the sweets that slip 
 From Mr. Peel's melodious lip, 
 The Chancellor's Boeotian thunders, 
 And Blomfield's iEschylean blunders — 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire. 
 
44 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 " The Parmesan upon the board 
 
 Shall tasteless seem before thee, 
 And many a spiritual lord 
 
 Shall breathe a blessing o'er thee ; 
 A hallowed spot the shrine shall be, 
 Where'er a shrine is made for thee, 
 And none but Reverend Rats shall dare 
 To taste a single morsel there — 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire." 
 
 Alas, the fatal sisters frowned 
 
 Upon the promised pleasure ; 
 The creditors came darkly round, 
 
 And seized the ponderous treasure ! 
 But yet, to ease the Duke's distress, 
 They forwarded the long address, 
 Because — to strip the fact of feigning — 
 The paper was not worth detaining ! 
 
 Solid men of Cheshire ! 
 
XI. 
 
 ROYAL EDUCATION. 
 
 A NURSERY SONG. 
 
 [A Bill was carried through Parliament in the session of 1826 
 to give the Duke of Cumberland, the most unpopular member of 
 the Royal Family, £6,000 a year for life, in addition to his other 
 appointments, in consideration of hi.? undertaking to " educate '• 
 his son, afterwards the blindKingof Hanover; the same who, but for 
 the intervention of the little girl his cousin, would have been one 
 day king of England. — The blank in stanza six must probably be 
 filled with the name of Hook; see No. V. — The old joke about 
 the Brunswick Royal Family may be recalled — " This Family is the 
 cheapest to see, and dearest to keep, ever known in England. " — 
 The poem appeared in the Morning Chronicle of 6th July, 1825, 
 signed <f>, and was at the time ascertained to be Praed's by Sir 
 Edward Bunbury, to whom I am indebted for the information.] 
 
 I AM a babe of royalty ; 
 
 Queen Charlotte was my grannam ; 
 And Parliament has voted me 
 
 Six thousand pounds per annum ; 
 To teach me how to read and write, 
 
 To teach me elocution, 
 To teach me how to feast and fight 
 
 For the king and constitution, 
 
46 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 As a well -taught Prince should do. 
 Who is taught by contribution. 
 
 I'll have a doll of porphyry 
 
 With diamonds in her curls, 
 And a rocking-horse of ivory, 
 
 And a skipping rope of pearls ; 
 I'll have a painted paper kite 
 
 With banker's bills for wings, 
 And a golden fiddle to play at night 
 
 With a silver wire for strings, 
 
 As a well-taught Prince should have, 
 
 Who is sprung from the German kings. 
 
 My woman of the bed chamber 
 
 Shall dress in the finest silk ; 
 And a nobleman of Hanover 
 
 Shall boil my bread and milk ; 
 My breeches shall be of cloth of gold, 
 
 My night-cap of Mechlin lace, 
 And Cologne water, hot and cold, 
 
 Shall be ready to wash my face, 
 
 As a well-taught Prince should wash, 
 
 Who is come of a royal race. 
 
 And when my coach and six shall jog, 
 With horns, huzzas, and banners, 
 
 To some gaunt German pedagogue 
 Who teaches Greek and manners, 
 
ROYAL EDUCATION. 47 
 
 How very ready I shall be 
 
 To show that I'm fit for ruling, 
 By gaming and by gallantry, 
 
 And other kinds of fooling 
 
 Which a well-taught Prince should learn, 
 
 Who costs so much in schooling. 
 
 I'll learn of Uncle George to make 
 
 A sword-knot, and a bow, 
 And I'll learn of Uncle York to take 
 
 The long odds, and a vow ; 
 And Uncle Clarence shall supply 
 
 The science of imprecation, 
 And you, my own papa, shall try 
 
 To teach me fabrication, 
 
 Which a well-taught Prince should study, 
 
 Whose tutors are paid by the nation. 
 
 I'll learn of Peel his lunacy 
 
 About the priests and popes ; 
 Prom ... to live in infamy, 
 
 From Canning to talk in tropes ; 
 From Blomfield to discern new lights, 
 
 To darken the old, from Scott, 
 From Liverpool the chartered rights 
 
 Which an Englishman has not, 
 
 As a well-taught Prince should know, 
 
 Who is born for a kingly lot. 
 
48 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 While education day by day 
 
 My native wit enlarges, 
 Oh shall I not at last repay 
 
 The country's heavy charges ! 
 As wise as any other Guelph, 
 
 As useful and as dear, 
 Oh shall I not procure myself 
 
 A people's scorn and fear, 
 
 Which a well-taught Prince should earn, 
 
 With six thousand pounds a year 1 
 
XII. 
 THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 
 
 I. THE JOURNEY TO RHEIMS. 
 
 [In the summer of 1825 Praed was in Paris, travelling with the 
 late Marquis of Ailesbury, then Lord Ernest Bruce, to whom he 
 had acted as private tutor for a short time at Eton. The following 
 poems are evidently the work of an eye-witness ; they appeared 
 in the Morning Chronicle, 5 and 11 July, 1825. The first has the 
 signature * ; the second, perhaps through inadvertency, is un- 
 signed. 
 
 The accident to the three Dukes really happened. Their horses 
 bolted at a royal salute, and the Due de Damas, in particular the 
 Minister for Foreign Affairs, afterwards Governor to the Due de 
 Bordeaux, was seriously hurt. — M. Mazurier, a posture-master, 
 sustained the part of the hero, a baboon called Jocko, in a very 
 French tragedy, in which he saved the baby, and afterwards met 
 the fate of Gelert, being shot dead by mistake.] 
 
 " Spectatum veniunt, venimit spectcntur ut ipsi." 
 
 Oh was it not a glorious day 
 
 For all the mighty nation, 
 When Charles set out — le Men aime — 
 
 To act his coronation ! 
 All people left their old abodes 
 
 To aid the celebration, 
 
50 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And purchased flowers, and studied modes, 
 In glad anticipation 
 
 Of such a day. 
 
 Oh who shall sing the motley hordes 
 
 Of women and of warriors ; 
 Or count the Counts, or laud the Lords, 
 
 Who started from the Barriers ! 
 Canaille was mixed with Cavaliers, 
 
 And fair ones jostled farriers, 
 And gouty limbs and feeble years 
 
 Cried shame upon the tarriers 
 
 At home that day. 
 
 The student started from his books, 
 
 The farmer from his stubble ; 
 The belle bestowed upon her looks 
 
 Ten times her usual trouble ; 
 Monsieur for once forgot to swear 
 
 At being made a bubble, 
 And gaily charged his tabatiere, 
 
 When conducteurs charged double 
 Their fare that day. 
 
 And there were shouts of deputies 
 
 Awaking from the Session, 
 And Presidents of Colleges 
 
 To grace the King's procession ; 
 
THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 51 
 
 And mayors of little towns came out 
 To read their faith's profession, 
 
 Which might have been improved, no doubt, 
 By half an hour's compression 
 
 The previous day. 
 
 The peasants on the journey showed 
 
 Their loyalty was hearty, 
 By flinging laurels on the road 
 
 Before the Boyal Party ; 
 They waved old banners to the skies 
 
 Inscribed " Xon minor Marte" 
 And scratched from their transparencies 
 
 The name of Bonaparte, 
 
 To suit the day. 
 
 And right and left upon the way 
 
 They made the cannons rattle ; 
 And babes in arms cried out " gai ! 
 
 The French have won a battle ! " 
 And rockets flew about like rain, 
 
 And frightened all the cattle ; 
 Three dukes were very nearly slain, 
 
 Which would have made a tattle 
 For many a day. 
 
 The king, whose steeds had made a start, 
 Composed the fright he woke in, 
 
52 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And gave of his benignant heart 
 
 A most bewitching token : 
 " Mon Dieu ! " the gracious monarch said, 
 
 Before the leech had spoken ; 
 " Mon Dieu ! Has Damas broke his head 1 
 
 I wish it had been broken 
 
 Some other day ! " 
 
 But oh, at Bheims, the day before, 
 
 A hundred prayers were canted, 
 And dull addresses mumbled o'er, 
 
 And naughty ballads chaunted ; 
 The capital's debauchery 
 
 Was all at once transplanted, 
 And Etienne^Zs brought eau de vie. 
 
 And Verey's scullion panted 
 
 At Bheims that day. 
 
 The cool Cafe, the cabriolet, 
 
 Cigars and macaronis, 
 And Rouge et noir, and eau sucrc, 
 
 And conversaziones ; 
 The loungers of the Tuileries 
 
 Find here their ancient cronies, 
 And ladies, hot with ecstasies, 
 
 May hurry to Tortoni's 
 
 For ice to-day. 
 
THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 
 
 And Father Paul, the Capuchin, 
 
 Is damning all his flock — ! 
 And pretty little Adeline 
 
 Percurrit pidpita socco ; 
 And rich and poor and peer and boor 
 
 May find at eight o'clock — ! 
 " Les premiers soupirs d'A mour " — 
 
 Les derniers de Jocko — 
 
 Or both, to-day. 
 
 So when Apollo from the skies 
 
 Drove down his coach and four — ! 
 lie did not leave one pair of eyes 
 
 Bedewed in Rheims with sorrow ; 
 While those who could not buy a bed, 
 
 And those who could not borrow, 
 Lay down upon the floor, and said 
 
 " I wish it were to-morrow, 
 
 And not to-day ! " 
 
XIII. 
 THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 
 
 II. EHEIMS. 
 
 [Marshal Lauriston, an old general of Napoleon, had adhered to 
 the monarchy during the Hundred Days, and held at the Corona- 
 tion the Court Office of Grand Veneur. — For Moncey, see No. I. 
 — Chateaubriand had just been turned out of the minis try. was 
 turning Liberal, and editing the Journal des Debats. — Villele, the 
 head of the ultra-royalist party, was at this time President of the 
 Council and Minister of Finance. — Percy, Duke of Northumber- 
 land, was accredited Ambassador Extraordinary from Great 
 Britain to attend the Coronation ; his court suit was said to be 
 worth £75.000. Prince Esterhazy, famous for his jacket of 
 diamonds, held a similar mission on behalf of Austria. — The blue 
 paint, with which the Gothic mouldings of the old Cathedral were 
 bedaubed for this ceremony, is still (1886) to be seen upon them. — 
 Charles X. kept his oath for a little less than five years. J 
 
 " Wherefore come ye not to court ? 
 Certain 'tis the rarest sport." — Skelton." 
 
 " God save the king ! " — What God ? What king 
 In sooth it hardly matters ; 
 For Fortune is a fickle thing, 
 And as she builds she batters, 
 
THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 55 
 
 The world goes round ; the daintiest guest 
 
 May live to gnaw the platters, 
 And he that wears the purple vest 
 
 May wear the rags and tatters 
 Some other day. 
 
 An exile looked with signs of grief 
 
 Upon his foreign letters, 
 And sighed — " Now hang the little thief ! 
 
 He bullies all his betters ! " 
 The dirge is shifted for the dance, 
 
 The creditors are debtors, 
 The exile reigns in merry France, 
 
 The bully dies in fetters, 
 
 Alas the day ! 
 
 Rheirus ! midwife of French Royalty ! 
 
 In thy age-hallowed towers 
 Reviving Aristocracy 
 
 Sits garlanded with flowers ; 
 And Order smiles her placid smile 
 
 In spite of Satan's powers, 
 And sweet Religion all the while 
 
 Rains down benignant showers 
 Of Priests to-day. 
 
 But thou didst see another sight 
 In that terrific season 
 
5(3 POLITICAL AXD OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 "When mobs pulled down the matron — Eight, 
 And crowned the harlot — Reason ; 
 
 When raving cobblers mended creeds, 
 And fishwives babbled treason, 
 
 And honest men who told their beads 
 Were like to find their weasand 
 
 Cut through some dav. 
 
 Thou saw'st the painted goddess led 
 
 In triumph through the city ; 
 While monks looked blue and maids looked red 
 
 Before her fierce banditti ; 
 Thou heard'st the drums and trumpets roll, 
 
 When Horror, growing witty, 
 Made greybeards dance the Carmagnole, 
 
 And virgins sing the ditty 
 
 Of blood that day ! 
 
 A butcher with unholy feet 
 
 Profaned the shuddering altar; 
 His surplice was a winding sheet, 
 
 His girdle was a halter. 
 Alas, where massacre was mass, 
 
 And blasphemy was psalter, 
 Those hands of iron, throats of brass, 
 
 Did never fail or falter 
 
 At church all day ! 
 
THE CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 57 
 
 Those times are changed. Thy sacred shrine 
 
 Its ancient worship blesses, 
 And lords and ladies gaily shine 
 
 Amid thy carved recesses ; 
 Long whiskers come, and longer ears, 
 
 False hearts and falser tresses, 
 Court pages and Court pamphleteers, 
 
 Court follies and Court dresses, 
 All new to-day. 
 
 There's Marshal Lauriston, quite ga,y 
 
 In bobbins and in buckles ; 
 And Moncey, who in Spain one day 
 
 Was rapped upon the knuckles ; 
 Chateaubriand, who bawls and broils, 
 
 Yillele, who talks and truckles, 
 And Talleyrand, who sets the toils, 
 
 And holds his tongue, and chuckles, 
 And bides his day. 
 
 And Pozzo, whose intruding tread 
 Makes such a plaguy racket, 
 
 When nations, weary of their Head, 
 Lift up a club to crack it ; 
 
 And Percy's formidable coat, 
 And Esterhazy's jacket, 
 
58 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And other clothes of lesser note, 
 Sent over by the packet 
 
 To grace the day. 
 
 But where's the king? The king's asleep. 
 
 Go, seek our Royal Master, 
 And tell hira that his humble sheep 
 
 Are waiting for their pastor. 
 The king was sitting in a gown 
 
 As white as alabaster ; 
 " Sire," said the Bishop, with a frown, 
 
 " You should have been much faster 
 Asleep to-day ! " 
 
 And then — the usual farce began, 
 
 And multitudes were staring 
 To see an old and ugly man 
 
 A velvet night-cap wearing ; 
 The Moaiteur declares " the whole 
 
 Was solemn beyond bearing ; " 
 And quantum suff. of rigmarole, 
 
 And quantum suff. of swtaring 
 
 Hallowed the day. 
 
 He swore to keep his Royal word, 
 He swore to keep the Charter, 
 
 He swore in no unjust accord 
 His creed or Crown to barter ; 
 
TUB CORONATION OF CHARLES X. 59 
 
 He swore in all the Church's wars 
 
 To give and take no quarter 
 He swore to be a modern Mars, 
 
 Or else a modern martyr 
 
 For God some day. 
 
 He swore to slay all heresies 
 
 Without the least compunction, 
 And understand the Trinity's 
 
 Mysterious conjunction ; 
 And having oiled his hands and face 
 
 With Heaven's soul-cleansing unction, 
 Lay on his belly, full of grace, 
 
 And so obtained the function 
 
 Of KING that day. 
 
 " May blessings fall immensely thick 
 
 On him whom Heaven sets o'er us 1 
 And may he be a wall of brick 
 
 Behind us and before us ! " 
 So prayed a paralytic priest 
 
 Most solemn and sonorous ; 
 The people, anxious for the feast, 
 
 Responded in full chorus 
 
 "Amen!" that day. 
 
 Then comes the dinner and the dance, 
 And rustic sports and games, Sir ; 
 
60 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And peasants drink the health of France, 
 And peers dispute for claims, Sir ; 
 
 And some are calling " Vive le Roi I " 
 And some are calling names, Sir ; 
 
 And some are calling " Suivez moi ! " 
 We've had enough of Rheims, Sir, 
 For one fine day. 
 
 ["Note. — S'r Francis Burdett's Catholic Relief Bill was rejected 
 in the House of Lords, May 18th, 1825. On the 15th July, the 
 Morning Chronicle contained, under the title " "No Popery," a copy 
 of verses which I have authority for attributing to Praed. He 
 did not, however, affix any signature to them ; and the tone is 
 somewhat shrill for republication. The last two stanzas — the best 
 of ten — will serve for a specimen : — 
 
 Mother Church with joy is unruly 
 My Lords the Bishops are dancing a reel ; 
 
 Lead out your partners, holy Howley, 
 Hair-on-end Lethbridge, and red-headed Peel ! 
 
 Loud chime the bells of each orthodox steeple 
 
 Mitred palaces, hoist your flags 
 And let a chorus of tithe-eating people 
 
 Sing to the praise and glory of Bags ! " 
 
 " Old Bags," I grieve to say, was a synonym for the Chancellor, 
 who thus notices the event in his correspondence ; " The Commons 
 stared me very impudently in the face ; . . . This Bill, however, I 
 think those gentlemen will never see again. 7 ' — Dr. Howley was 
 then Bishop of London ; after this, it was a small matter to tax 
 the Home Secretary with " carrots ! "] 
 
XIV. 
 THE LONDON UNIVERSITY. 
 
 A DISCOURSE DELIVERED BY A COLLEGE TUTOR AT A 
 SUPPER-PARTY. 
 
 [Appeared in the Morning Chronicle of July 19th, 1825. By the 
 "London University," it is necessary to explain, was by no means 
 intended the present anomalous body, which sets papers, and gives 
 degrees at Burlington House. That Institution was only founded 
 twelve years later. The London University which Thomas 
 Campbell promoted, and which Praed sang, was a very substantial 
 Academic Body, and a real addition to the educational machinery 
 of the country ; and that it has never, up to this year of grace 
 1887, succeeded in making itself quite intelligible to the inhabit- 
 ants of London generally, is due to the unkind way in which it 
 was changed at nurse. Its very name has been appropriated, 
 since 1837, by an oddly constituted Board of Examinations, which 
 never had a professor, or a student, in the world ; and itself has 
 been forced to survive under the appellation of " University College, 
 London.'' The opposition of Oxford and Cambridge was largely 
 responsible for this miscarriage. — Crawford, probably an old doctor 
 of divinity who was archdeacon of Carmarthen, and long before 
 a Fellow of Trinity.— Dr. Coplestone, Provost of Oriel, Oxford, was 
 the most conspicuous personage at this time to be found among 
 Dons at that University. — Canon Kennedy, Praed's rival in the 
 lighter walks of scholarship, but far superior to him in solid 
 attainment, was Senior Classic in 1827, and still survives (1887) as 
 Professor of Greek. — Sir G. B. Airy, till lately Astronomer Bo,) al, 
 
62 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 was Senior Wrangler in 1823.—" New futures from Monckius" is 
 explained by the author himself in a note as follows — " In one of 
 Dr. Monck's learned editions of Greek Plays, a slip of the pen 
 had left a Latin note commencing Facile persextibuxt juoenes 
 etc. A caricature of the learned professor appeared soon after on 
 King's Parade, with the inscription as above." Plate-money, 
 a contribution formerly exacted at College from young men 
 of family and fortune, who entered as Fellow-commoners. The 
 ostensible purpose of it was the replenishing of the College plate. — 
 The great meeting at the London Tavern, at which the project 
 of a London University was started, was held 1st July, 1825. 
 The Lord Mayor presided. Speeches were made by Brougham, 
 Russell, Mackintosh, Denman, and Campbell ; the last called atten- 
 tion to the fact that London, Constantinople and Madrid were 
 the only European capitals which were without a University ; 
 which he denned as " a great place of liberal education, established 
 on a system of combination and cheapness." In that sense 
 London still remains " linked in unholy alliance with the capitals 
 of the Turk and Spaniard." It has been left for the present 
 generation to remove this reproach.] 
 
 Ye Dons and ye doctors, ye Provosts and Proctors, 
 
 Who are paid to monopolize knowledge, 
 Come make opposition by voice and petition 
 
 To the radical infidel College ; 
 Come pnt forth your powers in aid of the towers 
 
 Which boast of their Bishops and Martyrs, 
 And arm all the terrors of privileged errors 
 
 Which live by the wax of their Charters. 
 
 Let Mackintosh battle with Canning and Vattel, 
 Let Brougham be a friend to the " niggers," 
 
THE LONDON UNIVERSITY. 63 
 
 Burdett cure the nation's misrepresentations, 
 
 And Hume cut a figure in figures ; 
 But let them not babble of Greek to the rabble, 
 
 Nor teach the mechanics their letters ; 
 The labouring classes were born to be asses, 
 
 And not to be aping their betters. 
 
 'Tis a terrible crisis for Cam and for Isis ! 
 
 Fat butchers are learning dissection ; 
 And looking-glass-makers become sabbath-breakers 
 
 To study the rules of reflection ; 
 " Sin : (p " and " sin : " — what sins can be sweeter ? 
 
 Are taught to the poor of both sexes, 
 And weavers and spinners jump up from their 
 dinnors 
 
 To flirt with their Y's and their X's. 
 
 Chuckfartking advances the doctrine of chances 
 
 In spite of the staff of the beadle ; 
 And menders of breeches between the long stitches 
 
 Write books on the laws of the needle ; 
 And chandlers all chatter of luminous matter, 
 
 Who communicate none to their tallows, 
 And rogues get a notion of the pendulum's motion 
 
 Which is only of use at the gallows. 
 
 The impurest of attics read pure mathematics, 
 The ginshops are turned into cloisters, 
 
64 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 A Crawford next summer will fill you your rummer, 
 
 A Coplestone open your oysters. 
 The bells of Old Bailey are practising gaily 
 
 The erudite tones of St. Mary's ; 
 The Minories any day will rear you a Kennedy, 
 
 And Bishopsgate blossom with Airys. 
 
 The nature of granites, the tricks of the planets, 
 
 The forces of steams and of gases, 
 The engines mechanical, the long words botanical, 
 
 The ranging of beetles in classes, 
 The delicate junctions of symbols and functions, 
 
 The impossible roots of equations — 
 Are these proper questions for Cockney digestions, 
 
 Fit food for a cit's lucubrations ? 
 
 The eloquent pages of time-hallowed sages 
 
 Embalmed by some critical German, 
 Old presents from Brunckius, new futures from 
 Monckius, 
 
 The squabbles of Porson with Hermann, 
 Your Alphas and Betas, your Canons of Metres, 
 
 Your Infinite Powers of Particles, 
 Shall these and such-like work make journeymen 
 strike work 
 
 And 'prentices tear up their articles ? 
 
 But oh ! since fair Science will cruelly fly hence 
 To smile upon vagrants and gipsies, 
 
THE LONDON UNIVERSITY. 65 
 
 Since knights of the hammer must handle their 
 grammar, 
 
 And nightmen account for eclipses, 
 Our handicraft neighbours shall share in our labours 
 
 If they leave us the whole of the honey, 
 And the sans-culotte caitiff shall start for the plate, if 
 
 He puts in no claim to platt-money. 
 
 Ye Halls, on whose dais the Don of to-day is 
 
 To feed on the beef and the benison, 
 Ye Common-room glories, where beneficed Tories 
 
 Digest their belief and their venison, 
 Ye duels scholastic, where quibbles monastic 
 
 Are asserted with none to confute them, 
 Ye grave Congregations, where frequent taxations 
 
 Are settled with none to dispute them — 
 
 Far hence be the season when Radical treason 
 
 Of port and of pudding shall bilk ye, 
 When the weavers aforesaid shall taste of our boar's 
 head, 
 The silk-winders swallow our silky, 
 When the mob shall eat faster than any Vice- 
 master, 
 The watermen try to out -tope us, 
 When Campbell shall dish up a bowl of our 
 bishop, 
 Or Brougham and Co. cope with our copus, 
 
 5 
 
XV. 
 
 AN EPITAPH OX THE LATE TJNG OF 
 THE SANDWICH ISLANDS. 
 
 BY CRAZEE RATTEE, ESQ., HIS MAJESTY'S POET LAUREATE. 
 
 [From the Morning Chronicle of 3rd August, 1825, signed *, and 
 the last of the series that appeared in its columns. This capital 
 piece was oddly censured by the American Editor of Praed's 
 Poems, as violating the wholesome rule De mortuis, etc. ; but, it is 
 needless to remark, in 1825 George IV. was alive, and likely to 
 live. The expediency of letting satirists alone had come to be 
 more thoroughly appreciated, since 
 
 fcr showing truth to flattered state 
 Kind Hunt was shut in prison — 
 
 But these verses, as printed, were probably as much as could be 
 dared ; and there is a tradition, noticed in Notes and Queries for 
 20th February, 1869, that one stanza was suppressed, of which on!y 
 the first quatrain has survived 
 
 " A coble, nasty race he ran, 
 
 Superbly filthy and fastidious ; 
 He was the world's first gentleman, 
 And made the appellation hideous." 
 
 Contrary to his usual practice, Praed wrote three notes on this 
 piece ; the first on stanza 7 : "In the Sandwich Islands no 
 greater mark of respect can be paid to the parent, by the son, 
 than the swallowing of a part of his mortal remains ; more 
 
AN EPITAPH, ETC. 67 
 
 civilized nations are content with the prejudices." — Stanza 9 : 
 " When a native of the Sandwich Islands is weary of his first 
 spouse, he may bring home another, but he may not divorce his 
 originally chosen consort." — Stanza 12 : " When the Sovereign of 
 the Sandwich Islands dies, each of his subjects shows his respect 
 for the deceased Prince, by extracting a valuable tooth from his 
 head."] 
 
 Beneath the marble, mud, or moss, 
 
 Whiche'er his subjects shall determine, 
 Entombed in eulogies and dross, 
 
 The Island King is food for vermin. 
 Preserved by scribblers and by salt 
 
 From Lethe and sepulchral vapours, 
 His body fills his father's vault, 
 
 His character the daily papers. 
 
 Well was he framed for royal seat ; 
 
 Kind — to the meanest of his creatures, 
 With tender heart and tender feet, 
 
 And open purse and open features ; 
 The ladies say who laid him out, 
 
 And earned thereby the usual pensions, 
 They never wreathed a shroud about 
 
 A corpse of more genteel dimensions. 
 
 He warred with half-a-score of foes, 
 
 And shone — by proxy — in the quarrel ; 
 
 Enjoyed hard fights and sift repose, 
 
 And deathless debt, and deathless laurel ; 
 
C3 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 His enemies were scalped and flayed 
 Whene'er his subjects -were victorious, 
 
 And widows wept, and paupers paid, 
 To make their Sovereign ruler glorious. 
 
 And days were set apart for thanks, 
 
 And prayers were said by pious readers, 
 And laud was lavished on the ranks, 
 
 And laurel lavished on their leaders. 
 Events are writ by History's pen, 
 
 Though causes are too much to care for ; 
 Fame talks about the where and when, 
 
 'While Folly asks the why and wherefore. 
 
 In peace he was intensely gay, 
 
 And indefatigably busy, 
 Fieparing gewgaws every day, 
 
 And shows, to make his subjects dizzy ; 
 And hearing the report of guns, 
 
 And signing the report of gaolers, 
 And making, up receipts for buns 
 
 And patterns for the army tailors, 
 
 And building carriages and boats 
 
 And streets and chapels and pavilions, 
 
 And regulating all the coats 
 
 And all the principles of millions, 
 
AN EPITAPH, ETC. 
 
 And drinking homilies and gin, 
 
 And chewing pork and adulation, 
 And looking backwards upon sin, 
 . And looking forwards to salvation. 
 
 The people, in his happy reign, 
 
 Were blest beyond all other nations : 
 Unharmed by foreign axe or chain, 
 
 Unhealed by civil innovations ; 
 They served the usual logs and stones 
 
 With all the usual rites and terrors, 
 And swallowed all their father's bones, 
 
 And swallowed all their father's error-, 
 
 When the fierce mob, with clubs and knives, 
 
 All swore that nothing should prevent them, 
 But that their representatives 
 
 Should actually represent them, 
 He interposed the proper checks, 
 
 By sending troops, with drums and banners, 
 To cut their speeches short, and necks, 
 
 And break their heads, to mend their manners. 
 
 And when Dissension flung her stain 
 
 Upon the light of Hymen's altar, 
 And Destiny made Hymen's chain 
 
 As galling as the hangman's halter, 
 
70 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 He passed a most domestic life, 
 
 By many mistresses befriended, 
 And did not put away his wife, 
 
 For fear the priest should be offended. 
 
 And thus at last he sank to rest 
 
 Amid the blessings of his people, 
 And sighs were heard from every heart, 
 
 And bells were tolled from every steeple; 
 And loud was every public throng 
 
 His public character adorning, 
 And poets raised a mourning song, 
 
 And clothiers raised the price of mourning. 
 
 His funeral was very grand, 
 
 Followed by many robes and maces, 
 And all the great ones of the land 
 
 Struggling as heretofore, for places ; 
 And every loyal Minister 
 
 Was there, with signs of purse-felt sorrow, 
 Save Pozzy, his lord-chancellor, 
 
 Who promised to attend " to-morrow." 
 
 Peace to his dust. His fostering care 
 
 By grateful hearts shall long be cherished ; 
 
 And all his subjects shall declare 
 
 They lost a grinder when he perished. 
 
AN EPITAPH, ETC. 71 
 
 They who shall look upon the lead 
 
 Wherein a people's love hath shrined him, 
 
 Will say — when all the worst is said, 
 Perhaps he leaves a worse behind him ! 
 
XVI. 
 THE CHAUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. I. 
 
 [The Brazen Head, as Charles Knight records in his Autobio- 
 graphy, was a periodical started by him to amuse the Town, 
 during the depression that followed on the commercial crisis of 
 1826. It failed, though Praed wrote some of his best pieces in it ; 
 and the reason will probably be evident enough to those who 
 refer to its dingy, crowded, and mean-looking pages. Knight's 
 good will as an Editor was greater than his enterprize as a 
 publisher. — This poem reflects the spirit, or decline of spirit, which 
 characterized party politics in the later days of Lord Liverpool's 
 ministers, and of Tory domination. — The ninth stanza is some- 
 what obscure ; I would paraphrase it : "thanks to the administration 
 of Lord Anglesey in Ireland, and his suppression of the Catholic 
 Association, and thanks to Bishop Blomfield's learned oration, 
 among others, in the Lords, the Anti-Catholics, headed by Welling- 
 ton and other heroes of the French war, Marshal Beresford for 
 example, and Lord Anglesey himself, have been victorious, and 
 Sir F. Burdett's Catholic Relief Bill has been defeated."— The 
 undue space occupied in this controversy by references to the 
 days of Queen Mary, and to the statute De Heretico Comburendo, 
 may be illustrated by Canning's famous lines (182-1), printed by 
 Hay ward — 
 
 " Yes, Deans shall burn ; and at the funeral pyre, 
 With eyes averted from the unhallowed fire — 
 Irreverent posture — Harrowby shall stand, 
 And hold his coat-tails up with either hand." 
 
THE CIIAUXTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. 73 
 
 See also Macaulay's political squib, the " Country Clergyman's 
 Trip to Cambridge" (1827) — 
 
 " How burning would soon come in fashion, 
 And how very bad it, must feel ! "] 
 
 *' Brazen companion of my solitary hours ! do you, while I recline, 
 pronounce a prologue to those sentiments of wisdom and virtue, which 
 are hereafter to be the oracles of statesmen, and the guides of philoso- 
 phers. Give me to-night a proem of our essay — an opening of our case 
 —a division of our subject. Speak!" (Sloto music. The Friar falls 
 usleep. The Head chaunts as follows.) — The Brazen Head. 
 
 I think, whatever mortals crave 
 
 With impotent endeavour — 
 A wreath — a rank — a throne — a grave, 
 
 The world goes round for ever : 
 I think that life is not too long ; 
 
 And therefore I determine, 
 That many people read a song 
 
 Who will not read a sermon. 
 
 I think you've looked through many hearts, 
 
 And mused on many actions, 
 And studied Man's component parts, 
 
 And Nature's compound fractions : 
 I think you've picked up truth by bits 
 
 From foreigner and neighbour : 
 I think the world has lost its wits, 
 
 And you have lost your labour, 
 
 I think the studies of the wise, 
 The hero's noisy quarrel, 
 
74 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 The majesty of Woman's eyes, 
 
 The poet's cherished laurel, 
 And all that makes us lean or fat, 
 
 And all that charms or troubles — ■ 
 This bubble is more bright than that, 
 
 But still, they all are bubbles. 
 
 I think the thing you call Renown, 
 
 The unsubstantial vapour 
 For which the soldier burns a town, 
 
 The sonneteer a taper, 
 Is like the mist which, as he flies, 
 
 The horseman leaves behind him ; 
 He cannot mark its wreaths arise, 
 
 Or if he does, they blind him. 
 
 I think one nod of Mistress Chance 
 
 Makes creditors of debtors, 
 And shifts the funeral for the dance, 
 
 The sceptre for the fetters : 
 I think that Fortune's favoured guest 
 
 May live to gnaw the platters, 
 And he that wears the purple vest 
 
 May wear the X'ags and tatters. 
 
 I think the Tories love to buy 
 
 "Your Lordship "s and " Your Grace "s, 
 
THE CHAUXTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. t O 
 
 By loatLing common honesty, 
 
 And lauding common-places : 
 I think that some are very wise, 
 
 And some are very funny, 
 And some grow rich by telling lies, 
 
 And some by telling money. 
 
 I think the Whigs are wicked knaves — 
 
 And very like the Tories — 
 "Who doubt that Britain rules the waves, 
 
 And ask the price of glories ; 
 I think that many fret and fume 
 
 At what their friends are planning, 
 And Mr. Hume hates Mr. Brougham 
 
 As much as Mr. Canning. 
 
 I think that friars and their hoods, 
 
 Their doctrines and their maggots, 
 Have lighted up too many feuds, 
 
 And far too many faggots : 
 I think, while zealots fast and frown, 
 
 And fight for two or seven, 
 That there are fifty roads to town, 
 
 And rather more to Heaven. 
 
 I think that, thanks to Paget's lance, 
 And thanks to Chester's learning, 
 
76 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEJI?. 
 
 The hearts that burnt for fame in France 
 At home are safe from burning ; 
 
 I think the Pope is on his back, 
 And though 'tis fun to shake him, 
 
 I think the Devil not so black 
 As many people make him. 
 
 I think that Love is like a play 
 
 Where tears and smiles are blended, 
 Or like a faithless April day 
 
 Where shine with shower is ended; 
 Like Colnbrook pavement, rather rough, 
 
 Like trade, exposed to losses, 
 And like a Highland plaid — all stuff, 
 
 And very full of crosses. 
 
 I think the world, though dark it be, 
 
 Has aye one rapturous pleasure 
 Concealed in life's monotony 
 
 For those who seek the treasure ; 
 One planet in a starless night, 
 
 One blossom on a briar, 
 One friend not quite a hypocrite, 
 
 One woman not a liar ! 
 
 I think poor beggars court St. Giles, 
 Rich beggars court St. Stephen : 
 
THE CHAUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. 77 
 
 And Death looks down with nods and smiles 
 
 And makes the odds all even ; 
 I tLink some die upon the field, 
 
 And some upon the billow ; 
 And some are laid beneath a shield, 
 
 And some beneath a willow. 
 
 I think that very few have sighed 
 
 When fate at last has found them, 
 Though bitter foes were by their side, 
 
 And barren moss around them. 
 I think that some have died of drought, 
 
 And some have died of drinking : 
 I think that nought is worth a thought — 
 
 And I'm a fool for thinking. 
 
XVII. 
 THE CHATJNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. II. 
 
 [The plan of the Magazine, as designed by Charles Knight, 
 was to be the old device of a club of talkers, in the style of the 
 Xoctes Ambrosiance, with political interludes from the Head. One 
 of the personages appeals to the oracle to prompt him with the 
 longest odds that can be devised. — Sugden, afterwards Lord St. 
 Leonards, was at this time leader of the Chancery Bar. — Of the 
 theatrical persons mentioned, Mademoiselle Brocard was dancing 
 the principal part in D'Egville's ballets. — For Weber's Oberon 
 see No. VI. The promotion of poor Weber from the worse to 
 the better side of the comparison, between the date of this poem 
 and that of No. VI., may be partly ascribed to his death during 
 the interval. — Brougham charged Canning with " tergiversation," 
 in his place in Parliament. Canning rose, " pale as death," as I 
 have heard the late Mr. Milnes Gaskell describe the scene, " and 
 just said, ' That is a — lie ' — and dropped back on his seat." The 
 usual challenge did not follow. — P. Burmann edited Virgil and 
 other Latin poets. — Mr. Nash, who was a landscape gardener 
 by training, had recently designed the Regent Street fronts ; 
 the variety of which is certainly pleasing, though they want 
 dignity.] 
 
 Bet half the British Parliament 
 
 To twice the British Forum ; 
 Or Sugden's lengthy argument 
 
 To Brocard's scant decorum ; 
 
THE CHAUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. 79 
 
 Or Mori's most astounding art 
 
 To Robin's rustic tabor ; 
 Or twenty bars from old Mozart 
 
 To twenty scores from Weber. 
 
 Bet giants' clubs to kitchen brooms, 
 
 Or swords to kitchen pokers, 
 Or Canning's wit to Mr. Hume's, 
 
 Or Scott's to Mr. Croker's ; 
 Or Laura's smile, so bright and gay, 
 
 To ocean's richest jewel, 
 Or Brougham's desire of place and pay 
 
 To Brougham's desire of duel. 
 
 Bet honest Wisdom's lightest thought 
 
 To Folly's deepest knowledge ; 
 Or what is proper to be taught 
 
 To what is taught — at college ; 
 Or rotten eggs to rotten votes, 
 
 Or Englishmen to Germans, 
 Or half-a-dozen of Wentworth's notes 
 
 To half a quire of Burmann's. 
 
 Bet turtle-soup to vulgar tripe, 
 Or Regent Street to Holuorn 
 
80 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Or puffs from a tobacco-pipe 
 To puffs from Mr. Colburn ; 
 
 Or venison to a crust of bread, 
 Or perigords to fritters, 
 
 Or Friar Bacon's Brazen Head 
 To all the gold that glitters. 
 
XVIII. 
 THE CHAUNTS OF THE BRAZEN HEAD. III. 
 
 [The Brazen Head expired 10th May, 1826. The next year 
 produced plenty of novelty in politics ; the exit of Lord Liver- 
 pool ; the resignation of Lord Eldon ; the Liberal Ministry of 
 Canning, his strangely unequal struggle against the old Tories, 
 and the old Whigs; his death, and the rapid ripening of the 
 Catholic Question, and of the Reform movement. But nothing of 
 all this was evident twelve months before. — Madame Vestris had 
 recently been playing Rosalind, and Apollo in Midas. ~\ 
 
 The world pursues the very track 
 
 Which it pursued at its creation ; 
 And mortals shrink in horror back 
 
 From any Lint of innovation ; 
 From year to year the children do 
 
 Exactly what their sires have done ; 
 Time is — Time was — there's nothing new — 
 
 There's nothing new beneath the sun ! 
 
 Still lovers hope to be believed, 
 
 Still clients hope to win their causes ; 
 
 Still plays and farces are received 
 "With most encouraging applauses ; 
 
82 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Still dancers have fantastic toes, 
 Still dandies shudder at a dun ; 
 
 Still diners have their fricandeaus — 
 There's nothing new beneath the sun. 
 
 Still cooks torment the hapless eels, 
 
 Still boys torment the dumb cockchafers ; 
 Lord Eldon still adores the seals, 
 
 Lord Clifford still adores the wafers ; 
 Still asses have enormous ears, 
 
 Still gambling bets are lost and won ; 
 Still opera dancers marry peers — 
 
 There's nothing new beneath the sun. 
 
 Still women are absurdly weak, 
 
 Still infants dote upon a rattle ; 
 Still Mr. Martin cannot speak 
 
 Of anything but beaten cattle ; 
 Still brokers swear the shares will rise, 
 
 Still Cockneys boast of Manton's gun ; 
 Still listeners swallow monstrous lies — 
 
 There's nothing new beneath the sun. 
 
 Still genius is a jest to Earls, 
 Still honesty is down to zero ; 
 
 Still heroines have spontaneous curls, 
 Still novels have a handsome hero ; 
 
THE CHAUNTS OF TIIE BRAZEN HEAD. 83 
 
 Still Madame Vestris plays a man, 
 
 Still fools adore her — I for one ; 
 Still youths write sonnets to a fan — 
 
 There's nothing new beneath the sun. 
 
 Still people make a plaguy fuss 
 
 About all things that don't concern them, 
 As if it matters aught to vis 
 
 What happens to our grandsons, burn them ! 
 Still life is nothing to the dead ; 
 
 Still Folly's toil is Wisdom's fun ; 
 And still, except the Brazen Head, 
 
 There's nothing new beneath the sun. 
 
XIX. 
 UTOPIA. 
 
 [No apology is necessary for including this piece, apparently a 
 favourite with the author, in this collection ; although it has al- 
 ready appeared in the collected Poems. I have substituted it for 
 '• A Chapter of Ifs," which seems to me not to be, except perhaps 
 in part, by Praed. — Best, Chief Justice of the Common Pleas, after- 
 wards Lord Wynford, in his then recent judgment in the case of 
 Fisher v. StocMale, laid down very strongly the doctrine that a 
 libel, the truth of which is not proved in a civil action, must be 
 taken to be, not only scandalous, but false. This position, taken 
 in conjunction with the older doctrine " the greater the truth the 
 greater the libel," leads to a curious logical dilemma. The poet 
 does not seem to mean exactly what the Chief Justice meant. — 
 The Morning Post, till Praed himself took it in hand in 1832, was 
 a very inferior newspaper. See Macaulay's Essay on Croker's 
 Boswell, and " The Theatrical Alarm-bell," in the Rejected Ad- 
 dresses — For the John Bull see No. Y. — There were two members 
 of the Bankes family at this time in Parliament ; Henry, the father, 
 and George, the son ; William Henry, the other son, had been de- 
 feated in 1825 for Cambridge University by Lord Palmerston. — 
 Lord Eldon's proffered resignations were many ; but it may safely 
 he said he was never sorry when they were refused ; he resigned, 
 however, effectually, after an adverse vote or two in the House of 
 Commons, on the formation of Canning's Ministry. This instal- 
 ment of Utopia was realised in April 1827, the same month in 
 which the poem appeared, in the pages of the New Monthly Maga- 
 zine. — Wellesley Pole, a nephew of the Duke of Wellington, was 
 
UTOPIA. 85 
 
 the most notable spendthrift of his day, and behaved, moreover, 
 very badly to his wife.— Mr. Bochsa was a ballet-master, of worse 
 than indifferent reputation.] 
 
 " I ean dream, sir, 
 
 If I eat well and sleep well."— The Mad Lovkb. 
 
 If T could scare the light away, 
 
 No sun should ever shine ; 
 If I could bid the clouds obey, 
 
 Thick darkness should be mine ; 
 Where'er my weary footsteps roam, 
 
 I hate whate'er I see ; 
 And Fancy builds a fairer home 
 
 In Slumber's hour for me. 
 
 I had a vision yesternight 
 
 Of a lovelier land than this, 
 Where heaven was clothed in warmth and light, 
 
 Where earth was full of bliss ; 
 And every tree was rich with fruits, 
 
 And every field with flowers, 
 And every zephyr wakened lutes 
 
 In passion-haunted bowers. 
 
 I clambered up a lofty rock 
 
 And did not find it steep ; 
 I read through a page and a-half of Locke 
 
 And did not fall asleep ; 
 
86 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 I said whate'er I may but feel, 
 
 I paid whate'er I owe, 
 And I danced one day an Irish reel 
 
 With the gout in every toe. 
 
 And I was more than six feet high, 
 
 And fortunate, and wise ; 
 And I had a voice of melody 
 
 And beautiful black eyes ; 
 My horses like the lightning went, 
 
 My barrels carried true, 
 And I held my tongue at an argument, 
 
 And winning cards at loo. 
 
 I saw an old Italian priest 
 
 Who spoke without disguise ; 
 I dined with a judge who swore, like Best, 
 
 All libels should be lies ; 
 I bought for a penny a two-penny loaf 
 
 Of wheat — and nothing more ; 
 I danced with a female philosophe 
 
 Who was not quite a bore. 
 
 The kitchens there had richer roast, 
 The sheep wore whiter wool ; 
 
 I read a witty Morning Post, 
 And an innocent John Bull ; 
 
UTOPIA. 87 
 
 The gaolers had nothing at all to do, 
 
 The hangmen looked forlorn, 
 And the Peers had passed a vote or two 
 
 For freedom of trade in corn. 
 
 There was a crop of wheat, which grew 
 
 Where plough was never brought ; 
 There was a noble Lord, who knew 
 
 What he was never taught ; 
 A scheme appeared in the Gazette 
 
 For a lottery without blanks ; 
 And a Parliament had lately met 
 
 Without a single Bankes. 
 
 And there were kings who never went 
 
 To cuffs for half-a-crown ; 
 And lawyers who were eloquent 
 
 Without a wig and gown ; 
 And sportsmen who forebore to praise 
 
 Their greyhounds and their guns, 
 And poets who deserved the bays, 
 
 And did not dread the duns. 
 
 And boroughs were bought without a test, 
 
 And no man feared the Pope, 
 And the Irish cabins were all possest 
 
 Of liherty, and soap ; 
 
88 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And the Chancellor, feeling very sick, 
 Had just resigned the seals ; 
 
 And a clever little Catholic 
 Was hearing Scotch Appeals. 
 
 I went one day to a court of law 
 
 Where a fee had been refused ; 
 And a public school I really saw 
 
 Where the rod was never used : 
 And the sugar still was very sweet, 
 
 Though all the slaves were free ; 
 And all the folk in Downing Street 
 
 Had learnt the Rule of Three. 
 
 There love had never a fear or doubt ; 
 
 December breathed like June ; 
 The Prima Donna ne'er was out 
 
 Of temper — or of tune ; 
 The streets were paved with mutton-pies, 
 
 Potatoes ate like pine, 
 Nothing looked black but woman's eyes, 
 
 Nothing grew old but wine. 
 
 There was no fault in the Penal Code, 
 No dunce in a public school, 
 
 No dust or dirt on a private road, 
 No shame in Wellesley Pole. 
 
UTOPIA. 89 
 
 They shewed me a figurante, whose name 
 
 Had never known disgrace, 
 And a gentleman of spotless fame 
 
 With Mr. Bochsa's face. 
 
 It was an idle dream ; but thou, 
 
 The worshipped one, wert there, 
 With thy dark clear eyes and beaming brow, 
 
 White neck and floating hair ; 
 And oh, I had an honest heart, 
 
 And a house of Portland stone ; 
 And thou wert dear — as still thou art ; 
 
 And more than dear — my own ! 
 
 Oh bitterness ! The morning broke 
 
 Alike on bjor and bard ; 
 And thou wert married when I woke 
 
 And all the rest was marred ; 
 And toil and trouble, noise and steam, 
 
 Came back with the coming ray ; 
 And. if I thought the dead could dream, 
 
 I'd hang myself to-day ! 
 
XX. 
 THE DEATH OF CANNING. 
 
 [This is the piece to which Charles Knight alludes (Passages 
 of a Working Life, Vol. ii., p. 52), as having been "altered, in his 
 own obtuse fashion" "by Mr. James Silk Buckingham, in the 
 columns of his paper, the Sphynx. It was written, as Knight in- 
 formed me, one evening, when a few friends met together had 
 been remarking with bitterness upon the want of concern exhibited 
 by the newspapers at Canning's death. One of the party said to 
 Praed "Why don't you write something?" whereupon he retired 
 to a side-table, and produced these lines. Knight seized upon them 
 at once for his paper — he was sub-editing for Buckingham at the 
 time — and they appeared accordingly, 12th August, 1827, in that 
 shortlived periodical, the precursor of the Athenceum, over the sig- 
 nature *. The " alterations " made by Buckingham I cannot trace ; 
 and I think it possible Mr. Knight's memory deceived him, since 
 he gave me as authentic a MS. copy, which turns out to be 
 identical with the version in the Sphynx. Bat see note on No. 
 XXII. A fierce attack was made by Lord Grey on Canning's 
 ministry when first formed. It did not prevent Brougham and 
 others, of the younger school of Liberalism, from lending him a 
 much needed support. But it seems to have effectually alienated 
 Praed from Whiggism. Lord Lansdowne excepted, who supported 
 Canning, he has no good word, after this, for any of his old 
 leaders and associates.] 
 
the death of canning. 91 
 
 viii. August mdcccxxvii. 
 
 Ay, mourn to-day ! but mourn for those 
 
 Whose rights his arm defended ; 
 Whose foes were his and Freedom's foes 
 
 Where'er the names were blended ; 
 
 For the serf, whose rest from toil and pain 
 
 His mercy might have sjDoken ; 
 For the slave, whose cold and galling chain 
 
 His vengeance might have broken; 
 
 For Helle's stream, where the Pasha's flag 
 Still waves o'er the sacred water ; 
 
 For Erin's huts, where the Orange rag 
 Is still the sign of slaughter. 
 
 Ay, mourn to-day ! but not for him ; 
 
 His name is writ in story, 
 Ere a single cloud could make more dim 
 
 The noon-day of its glory. 
 
 Victor in boyhood's early game 
 
 And youth's career of gladness, 
 Victor in manhood's lists of fame 
 
 O'er envy, hate, and madness, 
 
 What could he hope in other years, 
 If the longest life had crowned him, 
 
 But thus to die, with a nation's tears 
 And a world's applause around him ? 
 
92 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 The laurel wreath upon his brow 
 
 Might have looked less green to-morrow ; 
 
 But the leaves will bloom for ever now, 
 They are newly twined by sorrow. 
 
 The sighs that are whispered o'er his clay 
 May weary Heaven's Recorder ; 
 
 But none are glad, save the Turk's Serai, 
 And a few of Lord Grey's " Order " ! 
 
XXI. 
 THE RIDDLES OF THE SPHINX. 
 
 [There is no reason why Praed should continue to be saddled 
 with Mr. Buckingham's bad spelling of his newspaper's name. 
 This appeared August 19th, 1827, signed <J>. — Canning's death had 
 left the leadership of the country in the hands of the Whigs ; but 
 it threw back that of the House of Commons, for a short time, into 
 the hands of the Tories. Reform loomed terribly nearer. The old 
 age was dead, or dying. — Melville, the son of Pitt's Dundas, and 
 his successor in the " management " of Scotland, was driven out, 
 because Canning had no mind to leave so much Parliamentary 
 influence in the hands of an enemy ; he was to have been replaced 
 by Lord Binning, "without portfolio.'' — Lord Bexley, the Van- 
 sittart of Lord Liverpool's Exchequer and the " old woman " of 
 Macaulay's " Wellingtoniad," had managed to explain, on May 2nd, 
 that he resigned his office, the Chancellorship of the Duchy of 
 Lancaster, because he had been led to believe that the Catholic 
 Claims would no longer be, under Canning, as they had been 
 under Liverpool, an open question in the Cabinet ; but that when 
 he found he was mistaken, he " hastened to retrace the step." — Sir 
 Thomas Lethbridge was put up, May 11th and 18th, to badger 
 Canning with questions in regard to the terms on which anti- 
 Catholic members of the Administration had accepted office, and 
 on which members of the Opposition had promised support. 
 These were sore points with Canning, since the time was yet 
 unripe for a coalition with the Whigs. After giving guarded 
 replies to some of the questions, he refused further information, 
 and challenged a motion.] 
 
94 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 'Twas night ; the House was cleared, 
 
 And hushed the fierce debate, 
 And robed in clouds the Sphinx appeared 
 
 Before St. Stephen's gate. 
 A virgin's face above, 
 
 A lion's form beneath, 
 Upon those lips was maiden love, 
 
 Within those claws was death. 
 
 She look'd on that high Hall 
 
 With a grim and scornful smile ; 
 And vapours passed like a funeral pall 
 
 O'er Heaven's expanse the while ; 
 And the moon went back that hour 
 
 In an unforetold eclipse, 
 As the words of mystery and power 
 
 Tell from the marble lips. 
 
 " Can ye teach the Owl to meet 
 
 The light of the morning skies 1 
 Can ye make the rays of reason sweet 
 
 To a bigot's blinking eyes % 
 Can ye bar the lightning's track 
 
 With a canopy of cloth 1 
 Can ye beat a nation's fury back 
 
 With Bibles and cheap broth 1 
 
THE RIDDLES OF THE SPHINX. 95 
 
 " Can ye count the grains of sand 
 
 On Ocean's stormy beach, 
 Or the blunders that Lord Westmoreland 
 
 Makes in a single speech 1 
 Can ye read what words are writ 
 
 On the tombs of sacred Nile, 
 Or construe Mr. Bankes's wit, 
 
 When he makes the gallery smile 'i 
 
 " What drove Lord Melville out ? 
 
 What made Lord Bexley stay 1 
 And why does Londonderry spout ? 
 
 And why do asses bray ? 
 Why does the morning dawn 
 
 When Phoebus takes his seat ? 
 And why does all the peerage yawn 
 
 When Eedesdale talks of wheat 1 
 
 " How shall the blind discern 
 
 That black is never white ? 
 How shall a rotten borough learn 
 
 That wrong is never right ? 
 How shall fair health be sought 
 
 In the shade of a upas tree, 
 Or how shall honest deeds be wrought 
 
 In Sarum or Tralee 1 
 
96 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 " Why does the Earth turn round 1 
 
 And why does the Morning Post ? 
 And when will the longitude be found, 
 
 Or the art of reigning lost 1 
 And when will ice be warm ? 
 
 And when will wrath be cool 1 
 And when will love be not a charm, 
 
 And a minstrel not a fool 1 " 
 
 While cards were cut in the Hell, 
 
 And capers on the stage, 
 While night on the monarch's palace fell, 
 
 And on the student's page, 
 The riddling Sphinx thus sung 
 
 Her how, and when, and why, 
 And like Sir Thomas, questions flung 
 
 With none to make reply. 
 
XXII. 
 THE OUTS. 
 
 [Appeared in the Sphynx, 16th Sept., 1827.— Although the Minis- 
 try formed by Lord Goderich was in no case to live, it would not 
 have been made stronger by re-admitting the Old Guard of Anti- 
 Cathohcs, whose names are recounted in the first stanza of this 
 poem. The Duke of Wellington, indeed, rejoined it, to Lord 
 Eidon's unspeakable disgust ; and when, a few months later, Lord 
 Goderich's faint heart failed him, he proceeded to '• carry on the 
 King's Government," and to tumble from one Liberal measure to 
 another. But the old Outs, the men who were in with Liverpool, 
 and remembered the rule of George the Third — their day was over, 
 for good. — Though Lord Bathurst did not effect much for the 
 advance of our Colonial Empire, he had more Capes, Islands and 
 Harbours named after him than any other man alive, crowned 
 heads only excepted. — Lord Londonderry, brother to the Lord 
 Londonderry who was better known as Castlereagh, and himself 
 better known as the Sir Charles Stuart of the Peninsular war, 
 had by length and distiuction of diplomatic service deserved a pen- 
 sion, but was certainly too rich to need it. — The Dake of Newcastle, 
 at the time of the trial of the Queen, was guilty of one of the worst 
 of the many errors which were committed by the King's friends, 
 in declaring his conviction that, having read the evidence, he was 
 as capable of pronouncing a verdict, as if he had not been pre- 
 vented, by " domestic business of a very pressing character,"' from 
 being present during the trial. — For Fitzgerald, see the Preface. 
 There are several pieces in the Morning Pout of this season written 
 in the heroic couplet, but I am not able to identify an}' of them in 
 particular as Fitzgerald's. — 1 think this poem, whatever may be the 
 
 7 
 
98 POLITICAL ASD OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 case with No. XX.. shows traces of Buckingham's editorship, in the 
 false rhyme of the last stanza. It is signed with a Q., which may per- 
 haps be interpreted as " altered from *." I note that Praed's contri- 
 butions do not appear again in this journal : and that in a laudatory 
 i eview, dated Is: Dec, 1827, of Knight's Annual, the "Friendship's 
 Offering " for 1828. Buckingham is entirely silent as to Praed's 
 contributions, which are out and out the best things in it. This 
 shows that there had been a quarrel. The signature Q is subse- 
 quently affixed to all but the first of a long dull series of " Epistles 
 to Great Public Characters," with which during the few remaining 
 days of the Sphynx Praed's defection was in vain attempted to be 
 supplied. The same false rhyme, l; bay " and " democracy," turns 
 up in the second of these productions, which I believe to be 
 Buckingham's own.] 
 
 Whex Eldoii can a judgment pass 
 
 In less than half an age, 
 When Westmoreland eschews a lass, 
 
 And Melville patronage, 
 When Peel forsakes his bigotry 
 
 And gives free thought the rein, 
 When Bathurst rears a colony — 
 
 TLey may come back again. 
 
 When Bexley ceases to be saint, 
 
 And Wetherell to prose, 
 When Maimers, free of Orange taint, 
 
 Shakes hands with Popish foes, 
 When Lethbridge, dropping thoughts of pelf, 
 
 In patriotic vein, 
 Can England substitute for self, 
 
 They may come back again. 
 
THE OUTS. 99 
 
 "When Londonderry, matchless peer, 
 
 His pension-hope outlives, 
 When Newcastle the cause shall hear 
 
 Before he verdict gives, 
 When Ellenborough's sage replies 
 
 Shall rival Canning's strain, 
 And beardless Castlereagh grow wise. 
 
 They may come back again. 
 
 When Cobbett, guiltless of hard names, 
 
 Pays debts with effort stoic, 
 And when the Post Fitzgerald shames 
 
 In spouting mock heroic ; 
 When Southey, fixed at last in creed, 
 
 Shall other change disdain, 
 When Lees from Eomish fears is freed, 
 
 They may come back again. 
 
 When honest men in lawyers thrive, 
 
 And Law knows no delay ; 
 When Tory institutes outlive 
 
 The Chart of Liberty ; 
 When Britons, pining for his rule, 
 
 Import a King from Spain — 
 The worthy head for such a school, 
 
 They may come back again. 
 
XXIII. 
 THE RETROSPECT. 
 
 [In 1828 Praed appears to have sent two pieces to the Times 
 newspaper. This appeared on the 22nd May of that year, un- 
 signed. Sir P. Burdett's Catholic Relief Bill was now passing 
 again through the Commons, and a conference was arranged be- 
 tween the two Houses, which came to nothing. — Praed returns 
 to Lord Eldon : 
 
 Eece iterum Crispinus, et est mihi ssepe vocandus 
 Ad partes, monatrum nulla virtute redemptum. 
 
 He was now excluded from office, half estranged from the 
 Ministerial Tories, and seemed to survive only for the purpose of 
 opposing the Liberal movement in politics. — I have no authority, 
 other than that of internal evidence, to justify me in ascribing 
 this piece to Praed ; but I do not expect that the ascription will 
 be challenged.] 
 
 When Pitt was Premier, well-a-day ! 
 I chanted To Pceans, 
 
 And held the loftiest Whigs at bay- 
 As well as base plebeians. 
 
 I filled old Jacobins with awe, 
 Distorting fact and reason, 
 
 Whene'er 'twas wished to twist the law 
 Or find constructive treason. 
 
THE RETROSPECT. 101 
 
 I raved at all Republicans, 
 
 Detested snobbish hooters, 
 Got flattery from partisans, 
 
 And fees from Chancery suitors ; 
 Reform I constantly decried, 
 
 Pronounced the truth a libel, 
 On working days to briefs applied, 
 
 On Sundays read my Bible. 
 
 At length my loyalty was such 
 
 It could but be rewarded ; 
 And, as I ne'er expected much, 
 
 A trifle was accorded. 
 Content the humble boon I took, 
 
 A coronet and pension, 
 And on the woolsack proudly shook 
 
 An Earldom's full dimension. 
 
 I kept the conscience of the king 
 
 With Protestant discernment ; 
 And showed that freedom was a thing 
 
 Fit only for adjournment ; 
 That granting rights to Catholics 
 
 Would be a dreadful omen, 
 And millions — say some five or six — 
 
 Were positively no men. 
 
102 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 In short, there's nothing more required 
 
 Than bayonets and bullets, 
 At reasonable prices hired, 
 
 To stop those Irish gullets ; 
 But God forbid I e'er should be 
 
 Like that vile Popish Bonner, 
 "Who roasted folks for heresy, 
 
 And for the Church's honour ! 
 
 I would not burn the wretches — faugh ! 
 
 But hanging, drawing, quart'ring 
 Are quite agreeable to law 
 
 "Which disapproves of tort'ring ; 
 And really, if they will persist 
 
 In actions contumacious, 
 Why then increase the Army List, 
 
 And shoot the most audacious ! 
 
 But ah, the times are changed ! and now, 
 
 Repenting old oppressions, 
 Majorities are bound to bow 
 
 In favour of concessions ; 
 Yet I will still consistent be, 
 
 Intolerant and Tory, 
 And go down to posterity 
 
 In pure and perfect glory, 
 
XXIV. 
 BIGOTRY'S REMONSTRANCE. 
 
 [The subject is the same as the last. This will be found in the 
 Times of 9th June, 1828, signed P. Its story is pleasantly told in 
 the following extract from a private letter. — written under date 
 July 25th, after a flying visit to Cambridge : 
 
 "On the Tuesday following (July 8th) I had a very pleasant 
 party indeed. Old, as I told you, was taken to Cambridge by 
 Lord Lansdowne. On the road they were speaking of Tom 
 Moore's songs in the Times newspaper, and Lor - d Lansdowne 
 instanced one which he liked particularly. N.B., there was a very 
 tiny compliment to his Lordship in it. Ord was able to tell him 
 that the verses in question were mine, as they were written a few 
 weeks before in his chambers ; upon which my Lord said a great 
 many civil things of me, and desired Ord to introduce me to him. 
 No opportunity for this ceremony took place at Cambridge, and 
 therefore, upon our return the Ex-Secretary of State (I am sorry 
 for the Ex-) sent to ask me to dinner." 
 
 Philpotts, afterwards Bishop of Exeter, was Rector of Stanhope, 
 and a notable pamphleteer against Catholic Emancipation. See 
 note on Lord Kenyon, under No. XXV. "Crocky," i.e., Crock- 
 ford's, the great gambling house in St. James's St., was just rebuilt 
 and greatly enlarged ; it was introduced by Praed in his " Good 
 Night to the Season," the year before, as 
 
 " The Hell, where the Fiend in his glory 
 Sits staring at putty and stones, 
 And scrambles from story to story 
 To rattle at midnight his bones." 
 
104 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 The sounding phrase " Child and Champion of Jacobinism," 
 here converted to other purposes, is from an invective of Pitt's 
 against Bonaparte, delivered 17th Feb., 18C0. This speech was 
 reported by Coleridge for the Morning Post, and the merit of its 
 eloquence, including the authorship of this phrase, is claimed by 
 Sara Coleridge for her father [Essays on his own Times, p. 1010). 
 —Frederic, Duke of York, died Jan. 1827. Canning's last illness 
 w as attributed to the effects of a chill received at his funeral. — 
 Lord King, a clever but feather-headed speaker, of advanced 
 Liberal views, was much in the habit of amusing himself by 
 startling the House of Peers from its propriety ; getting some- 
 times roughly handled in return.] 
 
 'Twas dead midnight, when Bigotry came 
 
 With Philpotts for her guide, 
 And shook her torch of sulphury flame 
 
 At old John Scott's bedside. 
 
 " Awake ! " she said, " for my soul is sick, 
 Our throne is crumbling fast, 
 And Common Sense the heretic 
 Is rending my chain at last. 
 
 " Yet Lethbridge is peacefully going to sleep, 
 As most of his hearers do, 
 And Goulburn sits in a reverie deep, 
 Dreaming of two times two. 
 
 " And dandies are carelessly sipping the froth 
 From the Sillery in Pall Mall, 
 And Crocky is happily laving the cloth 
 For the layers of odds in Hell. 
 
bigotry's remonstrance. 105 
 
 " They are blinded all by Priests and Popes, 
 They do not pity Peel ; 
 They have ceased to fear O'Connell's tropes, 
 And the metaphors of Sheil. 
 
 •• Awake, John Scott ; once more advance 
 Por the Church and Constitution, 
 The Champion still of Ignorance, 
 The Child of Persecution. 
 
 " And quail not thou for wrath or scorn ; 
 I bring thee arms to-night 
 Of stouter mould than ever were worn 
 By Thetis' son in tight : 
 
 " The sword of falsehood, to contend 
 That Lansdowne's white is black ; 
 The shield of dulness strong, to send 
 The jests of Holland back : 
 
 •• Abuse, which seems to the Tory host 
 The language of sobriety, 
 And cant, which sounds to the Morning Post 
 Like the tone of the truest piety. 
 
 " Go feign and flatter, preach and croak, 
 Beseech, reprove, upbraid ; 
 
106 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And ever and anon invoke 
 Thy Frederic's holy shade. 
 
 " Tell of the faggots of ancient years 
 Lit up by Monk and Friar, 
 Shed, if thou canst, appropriate tears, 
 And call Lord King a liar. 
 
 " Then hill their Lordships to repose 
 With a quibble or a pun ; 
 There's a proper theme in a nation's woes 
 For a Merry- Andrew's fun. 
 
 " Ffis Majesty shall clasp thy hand 
 When the hallowed strife is o'er, 
 And the princely lungs of Cumberland 
 Shall eive thee one cheer more ! " 
 
XXY. 
 TWENTY-EIGHT AND TWENTY-NINE. 
 
 [From the New Monthly Magazine, January 1829, signed *. 
 For O'Connell's "Rent," see No. VIII. — The second Lord Kenyon 
 was a Tory of no note ; but he had handed to Philpotts, the 
 pamphleteering clergyman, some private correspondence of 
 George III. with his father, in which the Monarch had sought and 
 received, from Kenyon and Scott, then Lord Chief Justice and 
 Attorney-General respectively, unknown to his Ministers, the 
 fatal advice to trust his own " conscience," in deciding whether 
 Pitt's proposals for relief of the Catholics were, or were not, con- 
 trary to his Coronation Oath. Lord Plunket censured this publi- 
 cation in his speech of June 10th, 1828. By praying in aid the 
 conscience of the late king in a matter of state, Lord Kenyon 
 might certainly be said to have aimed at " sinking the nation," 
 somewhat below the surface. — Mathews was at this time per- 
 forming in his " monodramas " during the season, and acting in 
 the regular drama when winter came. — For Hook, see No. V. — 
 Warren was a manufacturer of boot-blacking, and the inventor of 
 that system of advertising which consists in defacing other 
 people's walls. — General Jackson was elected President of the 
 United States in 1828. His defeat of the English forces at New 
 Orleans in 1814 was a natural subject of glorification to his com- 
 patriots. — Corder's murder of his sweetheart, Maria Martin, 
 known as the " Red Barn Murder," was the subject of a ballad 
 which I have heard sung by villagers a generation later. The 
 crime was said to have been discovered through a dream of the 
 victim's mother. — Hugh Blair's sermons had a celebrity which 
 
108 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 appears unaccountable to a subsequent generation. A collection 
 
 of the " Sentimental Beauties " in his writings was published in 
 
 1809.] 
 
 "Rien n'est change, mes amis ! " 
 
 I heard a sick man's dying sigh, 
 
 And an infant's idle laughter ; 
 The Old Year went with mourning by, 
 
 The New came dancing after. 
 Let Sorrow shed her lonely tear, 
 
 Let Revelry hold her ladle ! 
 Bring boughs of cypress for the bier, 
 
 Fling roses on the cradle ! 
 Mutes to wait on the funeral state ! 
 
 Pages to pour the wine ! 
 A requiem for Twenty-eight, 
 
 And a health to Twenty-nine ! 
 
 Alas for human happiness ! 
 
 Alas for human sorrow ! 
 Our yesterday is nothingness — 
 
 What else will be our morrow 1 
 Still Beauty will be stealing hearts 
 
 And Knavery stealing purses ; 
 Still cooks must live by making tarts, 
 
 And wits by making verses : 
 While sages prate, and courts debate, 
 
 The same stars set and shine ; 
 And the world as it rolled through Twenty-eight 
 
 Must roll through Twenty-nine. 
 
TWENTY-EIGHT AND TWENTY-NINE. 109 
 
 Some king will come, in Heaven's good time, 
 
 To the tomb his father came to ; 
 Some thief will wade through blood and crime 
 
 To a crown he has no claim to ; 
 Some suffering land will rend in twain 
 
 The manacles that bound her, 
 And gather the links of the broken chain 
 
 To fasten them proudly round her : 
 The grand and great will love and hate 
 
 And combat and combine ; 
 And much where we were in Twenty-eight 
 
 "We shall be in Twenty-nine. 
 
 O'Connell will toil to raise the rent, 
 
 And Kenyon to sink the nation ; 
 And Sheil will abuse the Parliament, 
 
 And Peel the Association ; 
 And the thought of bayonets and swords 
 
 Will make ex-Chancellors merry, 
 And jokes will be cut in the House of Lords, 
 
 And throats in the county Kerry ; 
 And writers of weight will speculate 
 
 On the Cabinet's design, 
 And just what it did in Twenty-eight 
 
 It will do in Twenty-nine. 
 
 Mathews will be extremely gay, 
 And Hook extremely dirty, 
 
110 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And brick and mortar still will say 
 
 " Try Warren — number thirty ; " 
 And General Sauce will have its puff, 
 
 And so will General Jackson, 
 And peasants will drink up heavy stuff, 
 
 Which they pay a heavy tax on ; 
 And long and late at many a fete 
 
 Gooseberry champagne will shine, 
 A.nd as old as it was in Twenty-eight 
 
 It will be in Twenty-nine. 
 
 John Thomas Mugg, on a lonely hill, 
 
 Will do a deed of mystery ; 
 The Morning Chronicle will fill 
 
 Five columns with the history; 
 The jury will be all surprise, 
 
 The prisoner quite collected, 
 And Justice Park will wipe his eyes 
 
 And be very much affected ; 
 And folks will relate poor Corder's fate 
 
 As they hurry home to dine, 
 Comparing the hangings of Twenty-eight 
 
 With the hangings of Twenty-nine. 
 
 And the Goddess of Love will keep her smiles, 
 And the God of cups his orgies, 
 
TWENTY-EIGHT AND TWENTY-NINE. Ill 
 
 And there'll be riots in St. Giles', 
 
 And weddings in St. George's ; 
 And mendicants will sup like kings, 
 
 And lords will swear like lackeys, 
 And black eyes oft will lead to rings, 
 
 And rings will lead to black eyes ; 
 And pretty Kate will scold her mate, 
 
 In a dialect all divine : 
 Alas, they married in Twenty-eight, 
 
 They will part in Twenty-nine ! 
 
 A Curate will go from the house of prayer 
 
 To wrong his worthy neighbour, 
 By dint of quoting the text of Blair 
 
 And singing the songs of Weber ; 
 Sir Harry will leave the Craven hounds 
 
 To trace the guilty parties, 
 And ask of the Court five thousand pounds 
 
 To prove how racked his heart is ; 
 And an advocate will execrate 
 
 The spoiler of Hymen's shrine, 
 And the speech that did for Twenty-eight 
 
 Will do for Twenty-nine. 
 
 My uncle will swathe his gouty limbs, 
 And talk of his oils and blubbers ; 
 
112 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 My aunt, Miss Dobbs, will play longer hymns, 
 
 And rather longer rubbers ; 
 My cousin in Parliament will prove 
 
 How utterly ruined trade is ; 
 My brother at Eton will fall in love 
 
 With half a hundred ladies ; 
 My patron will sate his pride from plate, 
 
 And his thirst from the Bordeaux wine ; 
 His nose was red in Twenty-eight, 
 
 'Twill be redder in Twenty-nine. 
 
 And oh ! I shall find how, day by day, 
 
 All thoughts and things look older ; 
 How the laugh of pleasure grows less gay, 
 
 And the heart of friendship colder ; 
 But still I shall be what I have been, 
 
 Sworn foe to Lady Reason, 
 And seldom troubled with the spleen, 
 
 And fond of talking treason ; 
 I shall buckle my skate, and leap my gate, 
 
 And throw — and write — my line ; 
 And the woman I worshipped in Twenty-eight 
 
 I shall worship in Twenty-nine. 
 
XXVI. 
 
 WATERLOO. 
 
 [Appeared in the Literary Souvenir for 1831, unsigned ; but I 
 have seen the or.ginal, dated Feb. 1st, 1830. At this time it was 
 the fashion with French writers to assume that the English had 
 already been beaten at Waterloo, when somehow the French got 
 '• betrayed." See especially the Relation of General Gourgaud, 
 published 1818. In the next generation, Victor Hugo invented 
 the " hollow road of Ohain," to account for the French cavalry 
 not "breaking the English squares."] 
 
 "On this spot the French cavalry charged, and broke the Englist 
 squares ! " — Narrative of a French Tourist. 
 
 " Is it true, think you?" — Winter's Tale. 
 
 Ay, here such valorous deeds were done 
 
 As ne'er were done before ; 
 Ay, here the reddest wreath was won 
 
 That ever Gallia wore ; 
 Since Ariosto's wondrous Knight 
 
 Made all the Paynims dance, 
 There never dawned a day so bright 
 
 As Waterloo's on France. 
 
 The trumpet poured its deafening sound, 
 Flags fluttered on the gale, 
 
114 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And cannon roared, and heads flew round 
 
 As fast as summer hail ; 
 The sabres flashed their light of fear, 
 
 The steeds began to prance ; 
 The English quaked from front to rear — 
 
 They never quake in France ! 
 
 The cuirassiers rode in and out 
 
 As fierce as wolves and bears ; 
 'Twas grand to see them slash about 
 
 Among the English squares ! 
 And then the Polish Lancer came 
 
 Careering with his lance ; 
 l\o wonder Britain blushed for shame, 
 
 And ran away from France ! 
 
 The Duke of York was killed that day ; 
 
 The king was sadly scarred ; 
 Lord Eldon, as he ran away, 
 
 Was taken by the Guard ; 
 Poor Wellington with fifty Blues 
 
 Escaped by some mischance ; 
 Henceforth I think he'll hardly choose 
 
 To show himself in France. 
 
 So Buonaparte pitched his tent 
 That night in Grosvenor Place, 
 
WATERLOO. 1 1 5 
 
 And Key rode straight to Parliament 
 
 And broke the Speaker's mace ; 
 " Vive V Empereur " was said and sung 
 
 From Peebles to Penzance ; 
 The Mayor and Aldermen were hung ; 
 
 Which made folks laugh in France. 
 
 They pulled the Tower of London down ; 
 
 They burnt our wooden walls ; 
 They brought the Pope himself to town 
 
 And lodged him in St. Paul's ; 
 And Gog and Magog rubbed their eye-, 
 
 Awaking from a trance, 
 And grumbled out, in great surprise, 
 
 " Oh mercy ! we're in France ! " 
 
 They sent a Eegent to our Isle, 
 
 The little King of Rome ; 
 And squibs and crackers all the while . 
 
 Blazed in the Place Vendome ; 
 And ever since, in arts and power, 
 
 They're making great advance : 
 They've had strong beer from that glad hour, 
 
 And sea-coal fires, in France. 
 
 My uncle, Captain Flanigan, 
 WLo lost a leg in Spain, 
 
116 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Tells stories of a little man 
 
 Who died at St. Helene ; 
 But bless my heart, they can't be true ; 
 
 I'm sure they're all romance ; 
 John Bull was beat at Waterloo ! 
 
 They'll swear to that in France. 
 
XXVII. 
 MARS DISARMED BY LOVE. 
 
 [This appeared in the Gem of 1831. It was the custom with 
 Editors of Annuals to procure steel engravings from designs 
 by artists of the day, and then ask for poems or stories, from con- 
 tributors, to illustrate them. Mars and Venus, and Cupid flying 
 away with the sword, were the subject of one of these illustrations, 
 designed by Howard, R.A., and engraved by Warren. — Sir Thomas 
 .Sherlock Gooch, of Benacre Hall, often coupled with Sir T. Leth- 
 biidge as a stout champion of the Corn Laws, was M.P. for Suffolk 
 for twenty-four years. In the first published draft of " Utopia " 
 Praed has 
 
 " a man named Gooch was arguing 
 For a free trade in corn." 
 
 Pitt Club dinners, probably, were responsible for the association of 
 his name with loyal and patriotic toasts. — Don Pedro, who claimed 
 the crown of Portugal for his infant daughter, and Don Miguel, who 
 had usurped it for himself, were still at loggerheads. — The Saxon 
 Prince John, and the Coburg Prince Leopold, had both recently 
 declined the kingdom of Greece, the latter on the ground that 
 there was not enough of Greece to make a kingdom, in default of 
 Epirus and Thessaly. — Turkey was contending unsuccessfully 
 against Russia in Armenia, and apprehending an invasion in the 
 Danubian provinces. — Paris turned out her own Bourbons, and 
 they turned out the Dey of Algiers, both in 1830, and almost 
 simultaneously.] 
 
 Ay, bear it hence, thou blessed child. 
 Though dire the burden be 
 
113 POLITICAL AXD OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And hide it in the pathless wild, 
 
 Or drown it in the sea ! 
 The ruthless murderer prays and swears 
 
 So let him swear and pray '. 
 Be deaf to all his oaths and prayers, 
 
 And take the sword away. 
 
 We've had enough of fleets and camps. 
 
 Guns, glories, odes, gazettes, 
 Triumphal arches, coloured lamps, 
 
 Huzzas and epaulettes ; 
 We could not bear upon our head 
 
 Another leaf of bay ; 
 That horrid Buonaparte's dead ; 
 
 Yes, take the sword away. 
 
 We're weary of the noisy boasts 
 
 That pleased our patriot throngs ; 
 We've long been dull to Gooch's toast -, 
 
 And deaf to Dibdin's songs ; 
 We're quite content to rule the wave 
 
 Without a great display ; 
 We're known to be extremely brave : 
 
 But take the sword away. 
 
 We give a shrug when pipe and dnua 
 
 Play up a favourite air ; 
 
MARS DISARMED BY LOVE. 11 D 
 
 We think our barracks are become 
 
 More ugly than they were ; 
 We laugh to see the banners float ; 
 
 We loathe the charger's bray ; 
 We don't admire a scarlet coat ; 
 
 Do take the sword away ! 
 
 Let Portugal have rulers twain, 
 
 Let Greece go on with none, 
 Let Popery sink or swim in Spain 
 
 While we enjoy the fun; 
 Let Turkey tremble at the knout, 
 
 Let Algiers lose her Dey, 
 Let Paris turn her Bourbons out ; 
 
 Bah ! take the sword away. 
 
 Our honest friends in Parliament 
 
 Are looking vastly sad ; 
 Our farmers say with one consen i 
 
 It's all immensely bad ; 
 There was a time for borrowing, 
 
 And now it's time to pay ; 
 A budget is a serious thing ; 
 
 So, take the sword away. 
 
 And oh the bitter tears we wept 
 In those our days of fame — 
 
120 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 The dread that o'er our heart-strings crept 
 With every post that came — 
 
 The horne-affections waged and lost. 
 In many a far-off fray — 
 
 The price that British glory cost ! 
 Ah, take the sword away ! 
 
 We've plenty left to hoist the sail, 
 
 Or dare the dangerous breach, 
 And Freedom breathes in every gale 
 
 That wanders round our beach. 
 When Duty bids us dare or die, 
 
 We'll fight, another day; 
 But till we know the reason why, 
 
 Take — take the sword away ! 
 
POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS 
 
 Part IT. 
 
 1830—1834. 
 
I. 
 
 THE NEW OEDEE, OF THINGS. 
 
 [This poem appeared, 9th December 1830 (four days later than 
 the date of the letter given in the Preface, in which the author 
 announced his intention to accept the offer of a seat for St. 
 Germains), in the Albion, a London morning journal of some 
 pretension, though not of large circulation ; but far superior in 
 appearance, at this time, to the Morning Post. The signature Z 
 was affixed ; which I judge to have been a printer's way of 
 representing the initial used by Praed in the London Magazine, 
 namely, H. 
 
 Lord Tenterden was Chief Justice of the King's Bench. 
 Brougham's peerage, his elevation to the woolsack, and his curious 
 speeches preceding this appointment, were still a nine da^s' 
 wonder. — The Three per Cents, did not decline much— only from 
 S3 to 82 — in consequence of the change of ministry.] 
 
 " Incipient raagm procedere menses." — Vwg. 
 
 We're sick of this distressing stato 
 
 Of order and repose ; 
 We have not had enough of lato 
 
 Of blunders, or of blows ; 
 Yv 7 e can't endure to pass our lifa 
 
 In such a humdrum way ; 
 We want a little pleasant strife — • 
 
 The Whigs are in to-di:y ! 
 
12-1 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Our worthy fathers were content 
 
 With all the world's applause ; 
 They thought they had a parliament, 
 
 And liberty, and laws. 
 It's no such thing ; we've wept and groaned 
 
 Beneath a despot's sway ; 
 We've all been whipped, and starved, and stoned- 
 
 The Whigs are in to-day ! 
 
 We used to fancy Englishmen 
 
 Had broken Europe's chain, 
 And won a battle, now and then, 
 
 Against the French in Spain; 
 Oh no ! we never ruled the waves, 
 
 Whatever people say ; 
 We've all been despicable slaves — 
 
 The Whigs are in to-day ! 
 
 It's time for us to see the things 
 
 Which other folk have seen ; 
 It's time we should cashier our kings, 
 
 And build our guillotine ; 
 We'll abrogate Police and Peers, 
 
 And vote the Church away ; 
 We'll hang the parish overseers — 
 
 The Whigs are in to-day ! 
 
THE NEW ORDER OF THINGS. l'2i) 
 
 We'll put the landlords to the rout ; 
 
 We'll bum the College Halls ; 
 We'll turn St. James's inside out, 
 
 And batter down St. Paul's. 
 We'll hear no more of Bench or Bar ; 
 
 The troops shall have no pay : 
 We'll turn adrift our men of war — 
 
 The Whigs are in to-day ! 
 
 We fear no bayonet or ball 
 
 From those who fight for hire ; 
 For Baron Brougham has told them all 
 
 On no account to fire. 
 Lord Tenterden looks vastly black ; 
 
 But Baron Brougham, we pray, 
 Will strip the ermine from his back — 
 
 The Whigs are in to-day ! 
 
 Go pluck the jewels from the Crown, 
 
 The colours from the mast, 
 And let the Three per Cents, come down — 
 
 We can but break at last. 
 If Cobbett is the first of men, 
 
 The second is Lord Grey ; 
 Oh must we not be happy, when 
 
 The Whigs are in to-day ! 
 
II. 
 
 THE CONVERT. 
 
 [Albion, 26th Jan. 1831. This piece depicts tne excited 
 suspense with which the forthcoming Whig Reform Bill was 
 anticipated. The parallel between " Mr. Grey," — the Mr. Grey of 
 1806, and "his son," i.e., Lord Howick, must be read in the light 
 of the inveterate unpopularity of the father's opposition to the 
 French war, and of the somewhat advanced views in which the 
 son, at this time, was considered to indulge.] 
 
 Good Lady Grace, the charming Blue, 
 
 Who lately loved, in Grosvenor Square, 
 To lecture to a favoured few 
 
 On birds and fishes, light and air, 
 Now flings her learned toys away, 
 
 And spells the wisdom of the Sun, 
 And whispers fifty times a day, 
 
 " Dear cousin, something must be done 1 " 
 
 She fears the rabble scarcely grow 
 A jot less apt to drink and swear ; 
 
 She vows that Hume and Brougham and Co. 
 Are just as shocking as they were ; 
 
THE CONVERT. 127 
 
 What once she said of Mr. Grey 
 
 She says as plainly of his son ; 
 She talks of Cobbett with dismay : 
 
 But bless her ! something must be done. 
 
 She thinks as fondly as she thought 
 
 Of those that sailed with old Pellew ; 
 She can't conceive that bondsmen fought 
 
 With Wellington at Waterloo ; 
 She boasts of Britain's old renown, 
 
 Her dangers dared, her laurels won, 
 Her blameless Church, her bloodless Crown : 
 
 Alas ! but something must be done. 
 
 She finds that speeches still are made, 
 
 And laws, and quartern loaves, and rhymes ; 
 She finds the Three per Cents, are paid, 
 
 As they were paid in olden times ; 
 She don't believe she's older now 
 
 Than when she laughed at Canning's fun ; 
 But yet, no matter why or how, 
 
 She's sure that something must be done. 
 
 Come, ye who have been blind so long, 
 And see, by wisdom's modern light, 
 
128 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Whatever has been, may be wrong, 
 Whatever is not, must be right. 
 
 Lord Brougham is in Lord Eldon's place ; 
 The Whig millennium is begun ; 
 
 Who would not vote, with Lady Gi*ace, 
 That somehow something must be done ? 
 
III. 
 
 ODE TO POPULARITY. 
 
 [Albion, 5th May, 1831. The Reform Bill was introduced on 
 the 1st March, and speedily altered the whole aspect of politics. 
 The second reading passed, by one vote, on the 2 1st ; and a month 
 later, the carrying of General Gascoigne's amendment decided 
 Ministers to dissolve Parliament. The election that followed was 
 in full progress when this piece was written : it resulted in the 
 general triumph of the Reformers. — Sir James Graham was now 
 First Lord of the Admiralty ; he had attempted a nautical simile, 
 in his speech ou the second reading, and had broken down badly. 
 — Sir Thomas Denman was Attorney-General ; the allusion in his 
 case is to a passage in his speech on the trial of Queen Caroline. — 
 The riot in which the windows of Apsley House were first broken 
 took place April 27th : the Times of the 28th contained no men- 
 tion of it, but devoted several columns to a Southwark election 
 meeting, at which a Colonel Leslie Grove Jones, author of some 
 letters in its columns, signed '' A Radical," was announced as 
 a candidate for the seat previously held by Sir Robert Wilson. 
 Sir Robert, formerly a popular idol, was discarded for voting 
 with General Gascoigne. The Colonel, however, did not stand, 
 Lord Brougham having secured the nomination for his owu 
 brother. Next day, the Times made a sneering allusion to the 
 Duke's broken windows, and intimated that it was his own fault, 
 for not illuminating. But the newspaper people must have 
 known, what the mob did not, that the Duchess was at the moment 
 lying dead in the house. The October after, the mob, thus 
 encouraged, went back and broke the windows again. Then 
 the Duke put up his well-known iron shutters. — St. John Long 
 
 9 
 
130 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 was a quack doctor of handsome person, whose treatment con- 
 sisted in putting a large blister on the bodies of the poor women 
 who were duped by him. Two died, and he was tried for man- 
 slaughter, but acquitted ; the support of some ladies who still 
 believed in him contributed largely to this result. — Hunt, a leading 
 Radical, and manufacturer of blacking, had defeated Mr. Stanley 
 for Preston the year before ; but, once in Parliament, he dis- 
 appointed his admirers, by attacking the Reform Bill, as a sham.] 
 
 " Quis multa gracilis te puer in rosa 
 Perfusus liquidis urget odoribus, 
 
 Grato, Pyrrha, sub antro?"— Hon., I. 3. 
 
 fondest — and frailest fair 
 That ever made a poet swear, 
 
 Bewitching Popularity ! 
 O patroness of songs and scents, 
 Of budgets and disfranchisements, 
 
 Of treason and vulgarity — ■ 
 
 Tell me whom now your fickle pen 
 Pronounces first of mortal men 
 
 In magazine or journal ? 
 For whom the golden lute you wake, 
 And whose renown you mean to make 
 
 For just nine weeks eternal? 
 
 Dote you on Grey's experienced brow, 
 Because he's quite as silly now 
 
 As erst our fathers found him ? 
 Or do you lead the approving cheer 
 When Baron Brougham, the peerless peer, 
 
 Is flinging dirt around him ? 
 
ODE TO POPULARITY. 131 
 
 Does soft Sir James, by talking big 
 Of rope and cable, sloop and brig, 
 
 Persuade you he's a hero 1 
 Or does Sir Thomas please you more 
 By telling, as he told before, 
 
 The history of Nero % 
 
 Waterloo ! You used to say 
 You never would forget the day 
 
 That cracked the French cuirasses ; 
 But Wednesday last, at half-past ten, 
 You let the ragged gentlemen 
 
 Smash all his Grace's glasses. 
 
 You know you've jilted St. John Long, 
 And bidden Southwark's noisy throng 
 
 Send poor Sir Robert packing ; 
 You know, without a reason why, 
 You're burning Hunt in effigy, 
 
 And leaving off his blacking. 
 
 Happy on whom untried you smile ! 
 He dreams not for how short a while 
 
 You solemnize the wedding ; 
 How soon you jump from wreaths to stones, 
 From Wellington to Colonel Jones, 
 
 From kissing to beheading. 
 
132 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Such stormy waves are not for me ; 
 As Graham says, I've seen the sea 
 
 Suck down the struggling packet ; 
 And I renounce the sail and oar, 
 And hang to dry upon the shore 
 
 My trousers and my jacket. 
 
IV. 
 
 THE COMPLAINT OF LIBERTY. 
 
 [Albion, 4th June, 1831.— The violence which accompanied this 
 general election was something unprecedented in England. For 
 the provocative article which appeared in the Times, see Part III., 
 No. I., Note. An elaborate system of " exclusive dealing " was 
 explained and recommended by a Glasgow paper.— Lafayette 
 (see Part I., No. IV.) was now a leader of Opposition, under the 
 Monarchy of July ; and was advocating the annexation of Belgium, 
 at the risk of war with England. Latitte, the well-known banker, 
 was Prime Minister when the year opened, and a very weak one. 
 He suffered Casimir Peiier and other sensible men, opposed to 
 war to leave his ministry, and was then himself upset March 
 13th, by a street riot in Paris, directed rather against the Legiti- 
 mists than against himself. He afterwards put up for Speaker, 
 and was supported by the Opposition, against the official candidate 
 started by Perier, who succeeded him as Minister ; but he failed of 
 election. The recorder of London in 1818 was Sir John Silvester. 
 — For Joseph Hume and his Greek scrip, see Part I., No. VI. — 
 Jerry is Jeremy Bentham, the assertor of " the greatest happiness 
 of the greatest number," the utilitarian principle in morals. — At 
 the Surrey Sessions, July 4th, the Rev. R. Taylor, a clergyman 
 who had abandoned his religion, was convicted of blasphemy, in 
 exhibiting himself at the Rotunda, in the Borough, dressed up 
 like a Bishop, and thus going through some profane parody of 
 public worship. His defence was, that he was opposed to priests. 
 Hume brought his case before the House of Commons, August 
 15.— The Courier was a paper honoured by Coleridge's political 
 writing in former days, but had become a Ministerial journal of 
 
134 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 the most conventional type of Toryism, and, more recently, an 
 equally ministerial Whig organ. — The sympathies of William IV. 
 with the popular movement were not altogether imaginary ; 
 but the Times was just now making capital out of his having 
 dissolved Parliament, by exaggerating them. — Dr. (afterwards 
 Sir John) Bowring was long editor of the Westminster Review, 
 and a consistent follower of Bentham, whose works he edited. 
 He was also a persevering writer of verse, original and translated 
 — invito, Minerva.] 
 
 " Lord ! " 6aid the little woman, " this can be none of I "—Old Song. 
 
 " Liberty ! whose radiant charms 
 
 Were so adored by Thebes and Sparta — 
 Bright patroness of arts and arms, 
 
 And authoress of Magna Charta — 
 Nymph ! for whose sake, as we are taught, 
 
 In Plutarch's entertaining stories, 
 Speeches were made, and battles fought, 
 
 By Greek and Roman, Whigs and Tories ; 
 
 " Come hither with your pen and sword, 
 
 Your russet garb and mess of pottage ; 
 Leave the wild Arab's wandering horde, 
 
 Or the rude Switzer's humble cottage ; 
 Let Lafayette console Lafitte ; 
 
 Let Congress sit a day without you ; 
 Smile, smile, for once, on Downing Street 
 
 I want to write an ode about you ! " 
 
 She came — she answered. Well I know 
 The Speaker's awful call to order ; 
 
THE COMPLAINT OF LIBERTY. 135 
 
 I heard, some thirteen years ago, 
 A sentence from the late Recorder J 
 
 I know how hoarse the cheerers are, 
 
 When Whig lords prate of right intention ; 
 
 But, oh ! that fearful voice was far 
 
 More fearful than the sounds I mention. 
 
 " I come," she said, " the same who erst 
 
 Held talk with Xenophon and Plato; 
 Taught Brutus to be firm, and nurst 
 
 The fire of high resolve in Cato ; 
 The same who on your island rock 
 
 Have mocked the hand of sceptred power ; 
 Y/ho went with Sidney to the block, 
 
 And with the Bishops to the Tower. 
 
 " Alas I my handmaids, in such days, 
 
 Were Wisdom, Order, and Sobriety ; 
 What loathsome change! My Broughams and Greys 
 
 Have dragged me into strange society ; 
 Treason and Strife invoke my name 
 
 In their dark plots and drunken quarrels ; 
 I'm growing weary of my fame ; 
 
 And Jove ! how ill I look in laurels I 
 
 " I am not what I was ; I throw 
 
 Prodigious stones in Clare and Kerry ; 
 
136 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 I cheat the Greeks with prudent Joe ; 
 
 I maximize with sapient Jerry ; 
 Last winter, I confess, I taught 
 
 The labouring class the art of arson, 
 And oft on Sundays I've been caught 
 
 With Taylor screaming out " No parson 1 " 
 
 " It's true that still the schoolboy's prayers 
 
 Come up to me in so-so Latin ; 
 And still the lying Courier swears 
 
 That all my rags are silk and satin ; 
 And I've a friend at Court, I think ; 
 
 But he will doom me to the halter, 
 When once he hears me in my drink 
 
 Speak out about the throne and altar. 
 
 " Farewell ! my anguish would defy 
 
 E'en A Ithorp's powers of clear expression ; 
 I'm quite convinced that I shall die 
 
 Befor 3 the closing of the session ; 
 I'd go with pleasure to the grave ; 
 
 But oh ! the thought is overpowering — 
 They tell me I am sure to have 
 
 An epitaph from Doctor Bcwring ! " 
 
WHY AND WHEREFORE. 
 
 [From the Albion of June 6th, 1831. — " The Schoolmaster 
 abroad " was a phrase of Brougham's, used in connection with the 
 ■work of the Society for the Diffusion of Useful Knowledge, carried 
 on at this time by a committee of which he was chairman, in the 
 buildings of the London University. — Lord Palmerston, the 
 Foreign Secretary, and ilr. Charles Grant (afterwards Lord 
 Glenelg) the President of the Board of Control, had been mem- 
 bers of Tory administrations before they passed, on Canning's death, 
 into the "Whig ranks. Robert Grant, brother to Charles, better 
 known as a hymn-writer, was Judge Advocate General, and Lord 
 Goderich (See Part L, No. VII.) Secretary for the Colonic-:. — sir 
 G. Cockburn had been roughly handled in an election riot at Ply- 
 mouth, and Sir Roger Gresley of Drakelow, at Derby.] 
 
 " Come, your reason, Jack, your reason." — Shaietpeare. 
 
 I was a Tory once, you know, 
 
 A king and constitution man ; 
 But that was many years ago, 
 
 Before the march of mind began. 
 'Twas very well to be a dunce 
 
 When no one asked me why or how ; 
 I own, I was a Tory once ; 
 
 But Lord ! I'm not a Tory now. 
 
138 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 The schoolmaster's abroad, you see ; 
 
 And, when the people hear him speak. 
 They all insist on being free, 
 
 And reading Homer in the Greek ; 
 The Bolton weavers seize the pen, 
 
 The Sussex farmers scorn the plough ; 
 One must advance with other men ; 
 
 And so, I'm not a Tory now. 
 
 Look at the papers ! There you'll find 
 
 The Courier full of Cobbett's taunts ; 
 Lord Palmerston has changed his mind; 
 
 And what's become of both the Grants ? 
 How should I hope to stem the storm 
 
 Which makes such mighty statesmen bow ? 
 Why, Goderich is for this Reform ! 
 
 And who would be a Tory now ? 
 
 And then, the people are stark mad ! 
 
 They go about with sticks and stones ! 
 And these accounts are very bad 
 
 Of broken glass and broken bones ; 
 Poor Cockburn had some shocking hurts ; 
 
 I never could endure a row ; 
 They tore Sir Roger Gresley's skirts ! 
 
 No, no, I'm not a Tory now. 
 
 You know my nephew — clever youth — 
 He came last year from Harrow school \ 
 
WHY AND WHEREFORE. 139 
 
 He's done a pamphlet which, in truth, 
 Makes out that I've been quite a fool. 
 
 Pray read this little page, about 
 
 The healthy trunk and rotten bough ; 
 
 It proves, beyond the smallest doubt, 
 No patriot is a Tory now. 
 
 I'll introduce you to my wife ; 
 
 She brought me fifty thousand pounds ; 
 And she's the blessing of my life, 
 
 Although she made me cut the hounds. 
 She reads the Herald every day, 
 
 And talks — 'twould do you good, I vow ; 
 She's very partial to Lord Grey ; 
 
 How can I be a Tory now ? 
 
 Tom wants a living — what of that ? 
 
 Brougham never heard me urge his claims. 
 And Hal's appointed to the Eat ! 
 
 But — Sir ! I never asked Sir James. 
 Oh no ! I like the Church and Laws ; 
 
 And — candidly, you must allow 
 That I have shown sufficient cause 
 
 Why I am not a Tory now. 
 
YL 
 
 KING ALFRED'S BOOK. 
 
 [While the second Reform Bill was passing through Committee, 
 a new weekly paper was started under the name, by no means new, 
 of the Alfred, upon strict Conservative principles. This poem was 
 written for the second number, and appeared in it, 7th August 
 1631. The portraits sketched are, it will be perceived, those of 
 Wellington, Peel, Grey, Russell, Durham and Brougham. — The 
 " ruler " was the scale adopted by the Government in calculating 
 what boroughs should, and what should not be disfranchised. 
 It was a combination of the population and rating tests, and the 
 calculations, not being very easily intelligible, were much as- 
 sailed.] 
 
 " His mighty genius prompted him to undertake a most great and 
 necessary work, which he is said to have executed in as masterly a 
 mamier ;-no less than to new model the Constitution,— to rebuild it on 
 a plan that should endure for ages." — History of England. 
 
 I saw in a dream, on a summer day, 
 
 The tomb where the Saxon Solon lay ; 
 
 And thither the prince of the land was led, 
 
 With the robe on his shoulder, the crown on his 
 
 head ; 
 And they bade him draw from its secret nook 
 The volume of law, King Alfred's Book. 
 
king Alfred's book. 141 
 
 He held the tome in his feeble grasp ; 
 He broke the seals, and he snapped the clasp. 
 Long years had marred on the dim, dim page 
 The treasured truth of the Chief and Sage ; 
 And whose were the hands that undertook 
 To write new words in the holy book 1 
 
 A laurelled warrior thither came ; 
 
 How the deep heart thrilled as they named his 
 
 name ! 
 He gazed on the volume of right and law, 
 And he turned away from the sight he saw , 
 Falsehood and blame he would rather brook, 
 Than sully one page of the time-worn book. 
 
 A statesman came, and through the crowd 
 
 The murmur of hope was heard aloud ; 
 
 " Let him trace but a line, and the peril is o'er, 
 
 And the leaves shall sleep where they slept before." 
 
 Power and praise his heart forsook ; 
 
 He turned away from the fearful book. 
 
 I saw a hoary dotard stand, 
 
 And grasp the pen in his feeble hand ; 
 
 He had written a rare bold text, they s;iid, 
 
 Ere the white snows fell on his plotting head ; 
 
142 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 But now he was grey, and his fingers shook, 
 As he scrawled and scrawled on the sacred book. 
 
 "I have brought," quoth a schoolboy, "this ruler of 
 
 mine, 
 To rule for the letters a fair straight line." 
 He babbled of parish, he babbled of town, 
 And the ruler went up, and the ruler went down ; 
 So crooked was never the crookedest crook 
 As the line he drew on the wondrous book. 
 
 There came a sallow penman now, 
 
 With a sneer on his lip and a scowl on his brow ; 
 
 So quick was his hand, that you saw at a glance 
 
 He had learned of the cunning scribes of France : 
 
 " Might " for " right " his haste mistook, 
 
 And " treason " for " reason " he wrote in the book. 
 
 And there was a schoolmaster, tall and thin, 
 With a solemn smile on his nose and chin ; 
 He smoothed the leaf, and he mended the pen, 
 And he rapped the knuckles now and then ; 
 " How scared," quoth he," the dolts will look 
 If ever they read what they write in the book ! " 
 
 " Oh, write what ye may, or write what ye will," 
 Said the cry of a mob from a cotton-mill ; 
 
king Alfred's book. 143 
 
 " The words may be grave, and the wit may be 
 
 good; 
 But we're building the gallows, and lighting the 
 
 wood : 
 The bird to the snare, and the fish to the hook, 
 And a rope for the clerks, and a fire for the book ! " 
 
VII. 
 INTENTIONS. 
 
 A REMONSTRANCE IN THE VENTILATOR. 
 
 [Written for the Alfred, August 21st, 1831. The " Ventilator " 
 was the ladies' gallery of the old House of Commons, and it was 
 from the accidental circumstance that its occupants were invisible 
 to those on the floor, that the curious superstition arose, which 
 required a grating to be prefixed to the accommodation provided 
 for ladies in the new House of Commons. 
 
 The necessities of debate required that Lord Althorp should 
 be Leader of the House of Commons, with the office of Chancellor 
 of the Exchequer ; but his powers as a financier were limited, and 
 Mr. Poulett Thomson, an M.P. of experience in the City, was made 
 Vice-President of the Board of Trade, with the view of supplying 
 the deficitncy. The arrangement was not successful. The first 
 budget of the Whig administration, an ambitious attempt at the 
 readjustment of three millions of taxation, failed through the 
 opposition of commercial men to the proposed tax on transfers ; 
 and a further modification, in regard to the timber duties, was 
 defeated on a division. In the result, the scheme was practically 
 abandoned. — In Lord Grey's administration were included a son, 
 son-in-law, and two brothers-in-law of his own, besides several 
 cousins cf his wife's ; and the names of Grey, Ponsonby, Lambton 
 and Ellice occur rather oftener than could be accounted for by 
 the Theory of Chances, in the " promotions and preferments " 
 column of 1830-1834. Hunt attacked him for this, during the 
 Preston Election, and he replied in the Lords, 13th December 
 18. 0. — Ths revolt of B-lgium from Holland, favoured by the 
 
INTENTIONS. 145 
 
 French, for whom Talleyrand was ambassador in England, was 
 now in progress. The "Whig ministry sided with the Belgians, 
 and upset the Vienna settlement, so far as Holland was con- 
 cerned.— The Marquis of Lansdowne was President of the Council], 
 
 Now don't abuse us, Fanny, don't ; 
 
 You're really too provoking ! 
 I won't sit by, I vow I won't, 
 
 To hear your idle croaking. 
 You seem to think the world is mad 
 
 For places and for pensions, 
 And won't believe — it's quite too bad — 
 
 That Whigs have good intentions. 
 
 I know that Denman is too rash, 
 
 And Graham not too witty ; 
 I know we hear prodigious trash 
 
 From members for the City ; 
 Young Thomson is a financier 
 
 Of rather small dimensions ; 
 Lord Althorp is not vastly clear : 
 
 But all have bright intentions. 
 
 The Budget was a slight mistake ; 
 
 You call it quite correctly ; 
 But then confess, for candour's sake, 
 
 We gave it up directly. 
 
 10 
 
146 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 They laughed it down on every side, 
 Forgetting their dissensions; 
 
 But not a single man denied 
 It shewed the best intentions. 
 
 The Premier has been kind, I own, 
 
 To most of his connections ; 
 But Hunt, you see, was quite alone 
 
 In making harsh reflections. 
 The blockhead ought to go to school 
 
 And study his declensions ; 
 Then he would judge by better rule 
 
 A statesman's grand intentions. 
 
 It's true we've not been doing much 
 
 To make the Frenchman humble ; 
 And after all those dear, dull Dutch 
 
 Have cause enough to grumble. 
 We cannot see — who says we can 1 
 
 Through Talleyrand's inventions : 
 For he's a wicked, clever man ; 
 
 And we — have pure intentions. 
 
 And Fanny — as for this Reform, 
 Which Peel pronounces treason, 
 
 Indeed I think you make a storm 
 Without si;ffici?nt reason. 
 
INTENTIONS. 147 
 
 The Bill is full of faults no doubt, 
 
 But, as my husband mentions, 
 One would not have a fault struck out 
 
 Which flows from just intentions. 
 
 Some say the Bill destroys the Crown } 
 
 Some swear it galls the people ; 
 Some see the peerage tumbling down, 
 
 Some fear for Church and steeple. 
 There may be good substantial cause 
 
 For many apprehensions ; 
 But coilte que coilte, in every clause 
 
 There's proof of right intentions. 
 
 We can't expect that Brougham and Hume 
 
 Will lay their horrid plans down. 
 But, dearest love, you won't assume 
 
 The fault is with Lord Lansdowne 1 
 They can't do harm — or if they do, 
 
 In spite of wise preventions, 
 I hate their schemes, but, entre nou3, 
 
 I honour their intentions. 
 
"VIII. 
 
 THE BEGGAR'S PETITION. 
 
 [From the Albion, 22nd Aug., 1831.— Early in this month an 
 address, asking for an audience, was signed by twelve Irish 
 members, and presented to the Prime Minister. The interview 
 took place on the 12th, at Lord Grey's private residence ; when 
 about twenty members attended, and Lord Killeen, as their spokes- 
 man demanded a gradual reduction of the yeomanry, with a 
 view to its dissolution. Lord Grey in his answer refused, with 
 " lofty civility," to grant their request, while promising a measure 
 for " regulation " of the force. Upon this a communication 
 appeared in the Times, signed by twenty-one M.P's, O'Connell 
 being one ; it said : " Ireland will not be contented with a flippant 
 heedlessness of her grievances on the part of Mr. Stanley in the 
 House of Commons ; the harsh frivolity of his demeanour ha3 
 caused a great deal of perhaps disproportioned resentment ; but 
 Irishmen are not skilled in the just mensuration between an affront 
 and its retribution." The paper went on to threaten the Govern- 
 ment with opposition, unless the new regulations were immediately 
 introduced. On the 15th, on the committee stage of an unimportant 
 " Lords Lieutenant of Ireland (Counties) Bill," O'Connell suddenly 
 attacked the Government with much vehemence. It was natural 
 that this split should be regarded by opponents as indicating an 
 impatience on his part for place ; but it was, no doubt, more 
 justly to be attributed to his having become convinced that Lord 
 Grey was neither to be intimidated nor cajoled. From this time 
 his efforts were directed towards a decapitation of the ministry. — 
 O'Connell was at this time accustomed to sit upon the Opposition 
 
THE BEGGAR'S PETITION. 119 
 
 Benches. Mr. Knight, M.P. for Wallingford, Sir Edward Sugden, 
 afterwards Lord St. Leonards, Mr. Croker, ex-Secretary of the 
 Admiralty, and Sir Charles Wetherell, the " last of the Borough- 
 bridges," as he called himself, were all Tories sitting at this 
 period below the gangway, and belonging rather to the school of 
 Eldon and Wellington, than of Peel. — Lord Duncannon, eldest son 
 of Lord Bessborough, and a connection of Lady Grey's, was the 
 Treasury Whip.— Mr. H. Grattan, afterwards an M.P., unlika his 
 father, was notable only for the quantity of his speeches. — Derry- 
 nane Abbey, near Killarney, was the seat of the O'Connells, as 
 long as rent — of any kind — was regularly paid in Kerry.] 
 
 "Extremum Tanain si biberes, Lyce," etc.— Hor., III. 10. 
 
 If you were placed in some rude station 
 
 Where no man sighs for stars or garters, 
 Where Papists shrink from agitation, 
 
 And Whigs have some respect for charters, 
 Still, still, Lord Grey, I'd not be guessing 
 
 Why, in your foolish prides and glories, 
 You'd keep a friend without a blessing, 
 
 Placeless and payless, with the Tories. 
 
 Ah, don't you see with what barbarity 
 
 The members all around me treat me ? 
 Knight's look is not a look of charity ; 
 
 Sir Edward Sugden longs to beat me ; 
 Croker, bad luck to him, is witty, 
 
 And Wetherell is entirely teazing, 
 And Peel, without a spark of pity, 
 
 Sets, now and then, my heart's blood freezing. 
 
150 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Och ! don't be proud ! Sure, cool reflection 
 
 Should cure your scoffing and your scorning ; 
 The wheel may turn, and my affection, 
 
 Just like the Bill, get lost, some morning : 
 And though the Duke might look severely 
 
 On me and my Associators, 
 Musha ! your father's son should dearly 
 
 Esteem all demagogues and traitors. 
 
 Be warned ; though you are cold and cruel, 
 
 Though deputations don't persuade you, 
 Though you are yet unshaken, jewel, 
 
 By all the compliments I've paid you ; 
 Though you are deaf to Grattan's speeches 
 
 Which flow as ceaseless as the Shannon, 
 And blind to those unwilling breaches 
 
 Of discipline in sad Duncannon, 
 
 Be wise in time. stubborn-hearted 1 
 
 Regardless, as an oak, of blarney ! 
 Deaf, as the adders, that departed 
 
 Some years ago, from sweet Killarney 1 
 Be wise in time ! You won't 1 Oh murther 1 
 
 An't we all patriots, stout and manly 1 
 My Lord, we won't put up much further 
 
 With bows, and frowns, and Master Stanley. 
 
IX. 
 
 SPEECH OF THE IRISH SECRETARY IN 
 DEFENCE OF THE LORD LIEUTENANT. 
 
 [Albion, Aug. 24th, 1831.— Irish affairs continued troublesome 
 to the Ministry. On the 23rd Mr. Stanley had to defend the 
 Government of Ireland against a charge of interference in tha 
 recent election for Dublin. Mr. LoDg, a well-known coach- 
 maker, had been canvassed by Captain Hart " on the part of the 
 Lord Lieutenant," the Marquis of Anglesey, for the Eeform can- 
 didates. The Viceroy " had expressed to the Captain his wishes 
 for their success." In consequence of reports that threats had 
 been used, Sir John Byng went to Lord Anglesey, and obtained a 
 paper stating, under the form of "his Lordship's feelings," that he 
 certainly expected his tradesmen to vote in a particular way. This 
 was communicated to Mr. Long, by way of reassuring him ; and 
 Mr. Stanley loudly complained that Mr. Long, in revealing the 
 nature of this communication, " had turned upon " Lord Anglesey. — 
 Baron Tuyll, a Hanoverian, private secretary to the Viceroy, also 
 canvassed ; and had interviews at the castle with two of the police 
 magistrates, Messrs. Tyndale and Studdart, in which, as Mr. 
 Stanley admitted, " his observations were not discreet ; " but 
 what they were he did not say.— Basseggio was a fashionable 
 hairdresser, who held a small place in the Castle household as a 
 member of the "Battle-axe Guard" ; from this he was dismissed 
 for voting Tory : but on its being discovered that he had paid 
 for his place, he was promptly reinstated. In replying, Mr. 
 Stanley " thought he might pass over the case of Basseggio." — The 
 question was treated as a motion for Lord Anglesey's dismissal, 
 
152 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 and rejected by 207 to 66. — Cold Blow Lane leads from Donny- 
 brook to Milltown, and may be taken as a local synonym for 
 the former classical locality. — Subsequently a Committee found 
 that undue influence had been used, the members were unseated, 
 and two anti-reformers returned.] 
 
 "On, Stanley, on." — Marmion 
 
 Sir, we have closed our long campaign 
 Against the troops of Cold Blow Lane ; 
 We've done -with Mr. Grattan's votes, 
 Their venal hearts and ragged coats ; 
 And it is time for me to show 
 The Castle folk are unsunned snow, 
 And prove, howe'er the case appears, 
 His Lordship never interferes. 
 
 One Long, a mean and paltry knave, 
 By reason of the vote he gave, 
 Has lost most justly, as he feels, 
 The mending of his Lordship's wheels. 
 Out on the villain ! By my troth, 
 "We won't believe a tradesmen's oath, 
 When he, the Prince of British Peers, 
 Declares he never interferes ! 
 
 As for the lines his Lordship wrote, 
 To say that every honest vote 
 Was, as was very right and fair, 
 Requested here, expected there — 
 
SPEECH OF THE IRISH SECRETARY. 153 
 
 I own it was extremely wrong 
 To be so kind to Mr. Long ; 
 Yet in that letter, who that hears 
 Will say, his Lordship interferes ? 
 
 And then, the melancholy fates 
 Or those poor perjured magistrates, 
 Who were so wonderfully rude, 
 And talked of friends, and gratitude : 
 The men, it's certain, went and did 
 Exactly as the men were bid ; 
 But Sir, with Mr. Tyndale's tears 
 The Castle never interferes. 
 
 Honest Basseggio next attacks— 
 The barber — with his battle-axe ! 
 Who vomits speeches brave and big 
 Against whate'er is wise and Whig ; 
 I'm sure that none who know the case, 
 And how the barber lost his place, 
 Can deem with such plebeian fears 
 His Lordship ever interferes. 
 
 Oh, I appeal to all the fame 
 That crowns that noble person's name ; 
 And I appeal to Captain Hart, 
 Who could not play the bully's part ; 
 
154 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And I appeal to Baron Tuyll, 
 Who sealed his lips up all the while ; 
 And I appeal to those loud cheers — 
 His Lordship never interferes. 
 
 All people, Mr. Speaker, know 
 Which way his Lordship's wishes go J 
 And Government, it's also known, 
 Do as they will with what's their own 
 And since my noble friend is right 
 To interfere with all his might — 
 I care not for those vulgar sneers — 
 He never, never interferes. 
 
SPEECH DELIVERED BY A WORTHY 
 ALDERMAN, SEVERAL TIMES, IN 
 COMMITTEE ON THE REFORM BILL. 
 
 [Written for the Alfred, 28th August, 1831.— Pour Aldermen, 
 Wood, Waithman, Thompson, and Venables, sat for the City ; 
 but Waithman was the hero of this parody. See his speeches 
 of July 19th and 22nd, and of August 3rd. On one occasion 
 Lord John Russell had to appeal to the House against the 
 obstruction caused by a long conversation between Waithman 
 and Wetherell. — Mr. Bernal was the Chairman of Committees.] 
 
 I do not rise — I never will — 
 To make a speech about the Bill ; 
 I only want to urge once more 
 What I have often urged before ; 
 It can't be doubted or denied, 
 That members on the other side 
 Are talking, talking, day by day, 
 Just for the purpose of delay. 
 
 Why, Sir, the nation, as we know, 
 Passed all the Bill some months ago ; 
 
156 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And my constituents, Sir, object 
 To any members who reflect ; 
 And therefore I am bold to state 
 I disapprove of all debate, 
 And sit in absolute dismay 
 When I observe so much delay. 
 
 Oh Mr. Bernal, don't forget 
 The burden of our monstrous debt 1 
 Consider, Sir, how every year 
 Taxation's growing more severe; 
 I must assert that I, for one, 
 Believe the country quite undone ; 
 Some fools dispute it — so they may ; 
 But I protest against delay. 
 
 Why, Sir, I'll venture to advance 
 
 We were some years at war with France ; 
 
 And now Britannia's flag is furled, 
 
 And we're at peace with all the world. 
 
 All honourable members ought 
 
 To think as much as I have thought ; 
 
 Then they would work the shortest way, 
 
 And pass the Bill without delay. 
 
 And I'm prepared to prove, I trust, 
 That every word is true and just 
 
SPEECH BY A WORTHY ALDERMAN. 157 
 
 In all the speeches I have made 
 On import and on export trade. 
 Official values, I admit, 
 Are things beyond my humble wit ; 
 But all these things, I'm sure, display 
 The dangerous folly of delay. 
 
 And Sir, I don't dislike a clause 
 Because it's full of faults and flaws ; 
 And Sir, I think it's most perverse 
 To prate of better, or of -worse ; 
 And Sir, I find, though members laugh, 
 Too many lawyers here, by half ; 
 And Sir, I shall advise Lord Grey 
 To gag them all without delay. 
 
 I should be very glad to touch 
 Upon the French, the Poles, and Dutch 
 And tell you why I think it sin 
 To let the foreign silks come in ; 
 But I have always thought it right 
 To keep the question full in sight 
 And I should be ashamed to play 
 The game of men who want delay 
 
 Sir, I conclude, as I began, 
 By begging every honest man 
 
158 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 To end the nation's doubts and fears, 
 And hold his tongue, and stop his ears. 
 Of argument we've had enough ; 
 It's very sudorific stuff; 
 And I have one thing more to say — 
 I can't account for this delay. 
 
XI. 
 
 THE BILL, THE WHOLE BILL, AND 
 NOTHING BUT THE BILL. 
 
 {Albion, 26th September, 1831.— This skit was written for the 
 Dorsetshire Election, occasioned by the suicide of Mr. Calcraft, 
 in which Lord Ashley was returned, as a Conservative. It had, 
 apparently, a considerable success. Sydney Smith had it in his 
 mind, in making bis last Taunton speech, May 1832 : " There will 
 be mistakes at first, as there are in all changes : all young ladies 
 will imagine, as soon as this Bill is carried, that they will be 
 instantly married ; schoolboys believe that Gerunds and Supines 
 will be abolished, and that currant tarts must ultimately come 
 down in price ; the Corporal and the Sergeant are sure of double 
 pay ; bad poets are sure of a demand for their epics ; fools will be 
 disappointed, as they always are ; reasonable men, who know 
 what to expect, will find that a very serious good has been 
 obtained."] 
 
 Come listen, come listen, I'm going to sing 
 A song that's much newer than "God save the King;" 
 All about what I think of this wonderful Bill, 
 Which hasn't passed yet — can you guess when it will] 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 I hear it's to work us more wonders, some day, 
 Than Harlequin's wand ever did in the play ; 
 
160 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 It's to make kings and queens out of Jack and of 
 
 Jill: 
 Will it ever do this ? Why, I don't think it will. 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to make us new clothes, as I've beard people tell : 
 A shirt for myself, and a bonnet for Nell ; 
 A bonnet with ribbands, a shirt with a frill ; 
 Will it come to be true ? I'll be hanged if it will ! 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to light us a fire, and lay us a bed ; 
 
 It's to pave Holborn Hill with the best wheaten 
 
 bread ; 
 It's to bring down fine Hollands to nothing a gill — - 
 Believe, if you like ; I'll be whipped if I will. 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to heal all disorders, wherever it goes, 
 In the feet and the hands, in the eyes and the nose ; 
 It's to cure gout and ague, instead of a pill. 
 Some folks say it won't ; but Lord John says it will. 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to give to the troops, and the tars of the fleet, 
 No jacket to wear, and no pudding to eat ; 
 
THE WHOLE BILL, AND NOTHING BUT THE BILL. 161 
 
 When we've just done away with the mess and the 
 
 drill, 
 Will we lick the Mounseers ? Ask the Duke if we 
 
 will. 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to get us a parson, as good as St. Paul, 
 Who won't want a lodging or dinner at all ; 
 He'll teach us our duties and preach us our fill, 
 But as for his tithes — he may starve, if he will. 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to give us — good luck to it ! freedom and trade ; 
 Our goods will be sold, and our debts will be paid. 
 It will conjure up wealth for the ledger and till — 
 I wish I could only find out how it will ! 
 
 Deny down. 
 
 It will bring health to sickness, and warmth to the 
 
 cold, 
 And wit to the foolish, and youth to the old, 
 And soup to the saucepan, and grist to the mill — 
 Fine words, honest friends ! But I doubt if it will. 
 
 Derry down. 
 
 It's to change, in a minute, one guinea to ten ; 
 It's to marry our daughters to handsome young men; 
 
 11 
 
162 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 It's to make me a singer of science and skill. 
 If you trust all the rest, don't you trust that it will ? 
 
 Derx-y down. 
 
 And now here's success to the ancient old cause 
 
 Of the King and the People, the Land and the Laws ; 
 
 And the Devil fly away with the Whigs and the 
 
 Bill! 
 (Don't say that I said it) I fancy he will ! 
 
 Derry down. 
 
XII. 
 REASONS FOR NOT RATTING. 
 
 [The Reform Bill had now gone up to the Lords. Lord Dudley 
 and Ward was a Canningite who had not become a Whig. This 
 is from the Albion of 7th October. — The passage quoted is omitted 
 in Hansard , but will be found in the Times report. — " Pellew," 
 that is to say, Lord Exmouth, was next neighbour to Mr. Serjeant 
 Praed, the poet's father, at Teignmouth.] 
 
 " Sound opinions are like sound wine, they are the better for 
 keeping."— Speech of Lord Dudley, 5th October, 1831. 
 
 It was my father's wine. Alas, 
 
 It was his chiefest bliss 
 To fill an old friend's evening glass 
 
 With nectar such as this ! 
 I think I have as warm a heart — 
 
 As kind a friend as he. 
 Another bumper ere we part ! 
 
 Old wine — old wine for me ! 
 
 In this we toasted William Pitt, 
 
 Whom twenty now outshine ; 
 O'er this we laughed at Canning's wit, 
 
 Ere Hume's was thought as fine. 
 In this "The King!" "The Church!" "The Laws!" 
 
 Have had their three times three. 
 
164 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Sound wine befits as sound a cause ; 
 Old wine — old wine for me ! 
 
 In this, wdien France in those long wars 
 
 Was beaten black and blue, 
 We used to drink our troops and tars — 
 
 Our Wellesley and Pellew. 
 Now, things are changed. Though Britain's fame 
 
 May out of fashion be, 
 At least my wine remains the same. 
 
 Old wine — old wine for me. 
 
 My neighbours, Robinson and Lamb, 
 
 Drink French of last year's growth : 
 I'm sure, however they may sham, 
 
 It disagrees with both. 
 I don't pretend to interfere ; 
 
 An Englishman is free ; 
 But none of that cheap poison here ! 
 
 Old wine — old wine for me. 
 
 Some dozens lose, I must allow, 
 
 Something of strength and hue ; 
 And there are vacant spaces now, 
 
 To be filled up with new ; 
 And there are cobwebs round the bins, 
 
 Which some don't like to see ; 
 If these are all my cellar's sins, 
 
 Old wine — old wine for mo 1 
 
XIII. 
 
 THE OLD TORY. 
 
 [Albion, 29th Nov., 1831.— On 6th Feb.. 1832, Praed wrote— "Did 
 I tell you an odd thing that occurred with respect to my squib 
 The Old Tory ? Sir Robert (Peel) saw it by chance in a provincial 
 paper, cut it out, and brought it to London ; and when some of 
 his friends were talking of some articles written or to be written 
 for the London papers, Sir Robert produced this, and said they 
 had nobody in London who could do anything so pointed. Where- 
 upon, after much laughing, he was told that the bairn was rocked 
 in the Morning Pott, and that the Papa was one of his Glorious 
 Minority!" The Morning Post, like the provincial paper, had 
 copied the poem from the Albion. — Master Cam is Mr. Hobhouse, 
 the friend of Lord Byron, then M.P. for Westminster. — Mr. 
 Attwood was Chairman of the Birmingham Political Union, which 
 threatened to march on London, 200.000 strong, if the Reform 
 Bill did not pass. " Where are they going to get shoes?" said 
 the Duke of Wellington. Lord J. Russell wrote to them — " It is 
 impossible that the whisper of faction should prevail against the 
 voice of the nation.'' — Mr. Place, a master tailor, succeeded Sir 
 Francis Burdett, when he resigned the chairmanship of the National 
 Political Union ; which he did in disgust at a stipulation that 
 some working men should be included in the Committee. 
 Dr. Carpue kept a private anatomy school ; he also headed a 
 Reform Deputation from Westminster, which waited upon Lord 
 Grey. — Lord Morpeth, afterwards Earl of Carlisle, had been an 
 Etonian of rather older standing to Praed. His verses in the 
 •• Poetry of the College Magazine," were thought to give promise 
 of distinction.] 
 
166 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 " Quo semel est imbuta recens, servabit odorem Testa diu."— Hok. 
 
 Aye, chatter, chatter, brother Sam ; 
 
 Call Thomson deep and Sheil divine ; 
 And tell us all that Master Cam 
 
 Is quite a Tully in his line. 
 I'm near threescore ; you ought to know 
 
 You can't transplant so old a tree ; 
 I was a Tory long ago ; 
 
 You'll hardly make a Whig of me. 
 
 Lord Palmerston may turn about, 
 
 And curse the creed he held so long ', 
 
 And moral Grant may now find out 
 
 ' That Canning was extremely wrong: 
 
 Lansdowne with Waithman may unite, 
 And Ministers with mobs agree ; 
 
 Truth may be falsehood, black grow white, 
 But, sir, you make no Whig of me. 
 
 You know I never learned to trust 
 
 The wisdom of the Scotch Beview \ 
 I worshipped not Napoleon's bust ; 
 
 I could not blush for Waterloo : 
 I'm proud of England's glory still, 
 
 Of laurels won on land and sea ; 
 Call me a bigot if you will, 
 
 But pray don't make a Whig of me. 
 
THE OLD TORY. 167 
 
 I cannot march with Attwood's ranks, 
 
 I cannot write with Russell's pen, 
 I have no longing for the thanks 
 
 Of very loyal titking-men ; 
 I cannot wear a civil face 
 
 When Carpue just drops in to tea j 
 I cannot flatter Mr. Place ; 
 
 You'll never make a Whig of me. 
 
 I can't admire the Bristol rows, 
 
 Nor call the Common Council wise ; 
 I cannot bow as Burdett bows, 
 
 Nor lie as great O'Connell lies ; 
 And if I wanted place or pay, 
 
 A Baron's robe, or Bishop's see, 
 I'm not first cousin to Lord Grey — 
 
 Why should you make a Whig of me ? 
 
 Good brother, 'twere an easier thing 
 
 To make a wit of Joseph Hume, 
 To make a conjuror of Lord King, 
 
 To make a lawyer of Lord Brougham. 
 No, Howick will be half his sire, 
 
 And Althorp learn the Bule of Three, 
 And Morpeth set the Thames on fire, 
 
 Before you make a Whig of me I 
 
XIV. 
 THE YOUNG WHIG. 
 
 [This piece was found among the poet's MS3. It is an altered 
 version of a little trifle printed in the Collected Poems, vol. I., 
 p. 362, called "Anticipations; " and must have bfen composed iu 
 that form, when he entered Parliament, and re-written, in this, 
 soon after. Schedule A of the Eeform Bill contained the names of 
 fifty-six boroughs which were entirely disfranchised.] 
 
 On yes, he is in Parliament, 
 
 He's been returning thanks ; 
 You can't conceive the time he's spent 
 
 In giving people franks ; 
 He's grown a most important man, 
 
 His name's in the Gazette; 
 And, though he swears he never can — 
 
 I'm sure he will — forget. 
 
 He talks quite grand of Grant and Grey ; 
 
 He jests at Holland House ; 
 He dines extremely every day 
 
 On ortolans and grouse : 
 
THE YOUNG WHIG. 169 
 
 Our salads now lie will not touch, 
 
 He keeps a different set ; 
 They'll never love him half so much 
 
 As those he must forget ! 
 
 He used to write the sweetest things, 
 
 In all our Albums, once ; 
 But now bis harp has lost the strings; 
 
 His muse is quite a dunce. 
 We read his speeches in the Tunes, 
 
 And vast renown they get ; 
 But all those dear, delicious rhymes 
 
 All hearts, but mine, forget. 
 
 He flirts this year immensely ill ; 
 
 His flattery don't improve; 
 When Weippert plays a gay quadrille, 
 
 He sighs, " I rise to move ; " 
 And when I sing " The Soldier's Tear," 
 
 The song he called his " pet," 
 He comes and whispers " Hear, hear, hear ! 
 
 How can he so forget 1 
 
 I'm studying now, to please his taste, 
 
 MacCulloch, Bentbam, Mill ; 
 To win his smile, I'm making haste 
 
 To understand the Bill ; 
 
170 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 I read the stuff Reviewers write 
 
 Of corn, and funds, and debt ; 
 Alas, that all I read at night 
 
 With morning I forget ! 
 
 I wish he'd leave his friend, Lord Brougham, 
 
 The realm's disease to cure ; 
 Wherever else, in him there's room 
 
 For some reform, I'm sure ! 
 His borough is in Schedule A, 
 
 And that's some comfort yet ; 
 'Twill hardly give him time, they say — 
 
 Poor fellow ! to forget ! 
 
XV. 
 
 ODE ADDRESSED TO THE RT. HON". POULETT 
 THOMSON, ON HIS DISCOVERY OF THE 
 FRUCTIFYING PRINCIPLE. 
 
 [The division of financial responsibility in the Whig Ministry 
 between Lord Althorp and Mr. Ponlett Thomson continued to be 
 unsuccessful. Their second Budget anticipated a surplus for the 
 year 1832-3 of half a million. A question by Mr. Goulburn dis- 
 closed the fact that, among others, a mistake of £350,000 had been 
 made, in calculating the estimated amount of the beer duties ; and 
 a sharp debate followed. The Vice-President of the Board of 
 Trade came to the assistance of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. 
 " If there was a deficiency, where, he would ask, was that defi- 
 ciency ? Did it consist of money taken from, the pockets of the 
 people, and lavished upon undue expenditure or unworthy enter- 
 prise, or did it not remain in the pockets of the people, to be drawn 
 thence if the necessities of the State should require it ? . . . He 
 was happy to say that it remained in the pockets of the people, 
 there to fructify by use, and to stimulate the efforts of their 
 industry." Peel's reply was crushing : " The Vice-President of 
 the Board of Trade had broached a most extraordinary doctrine 
 he had congratulated the country on the deficiency of £698,000 
 because it was in fact, ' not lost ; ' it ' remained in the pockets of 
 the people,' to be extracted on any future occasion. This tho 
 Right Honourable gentleman called by a name which he hoped 
 would not soon be forgotten — he called it the Fructifying Prin- 
 ciple ! If he could only establish that principle generally, he would 
 stand a chance of being the most popular man in the three king- 
 
172 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 doms ; every debtor would only have to tell his too pressing 
 creditor, Do not give yourself any trouble about your principal 
 or interest ; for you to say that you are losing money is mere 
 delusion ; it is in my pocket, on the Fructifying Principle, ready to 
 be extracted on any future occasion ! " This piece appeared next 
 day, 7th February, 1S32, in the Albion.— Dr. Kitchiner's cookery 
 books assumed for their compiler somewhat more in the way of 
 originality than was fairly due. On the other hand he attributes 
 to Mrs. Glass the time-honoured joke, " First catch your hare," 
 which that lady did not perpetrate. — Mi-. Wellesley Pole (see Pt. I., 
 No. XIX.), afterwards Lord Maryborough, and eventually Earl of 
 Mornington, married Miss Tilney Long, a Wiltshire heiress, and 
 spent her fortune. He was satirized in the " Eejected Addresses," 
 during the butterfly stage of his existence — 
 
 " Bless every man possessed of aught to give! 
 Long may Long Tilney Wellesley Long Pole live ! " 
 
 Daniel Whittle Harvey, afterwards City Commissioner of 
 Police, was M.P. for Colchester ; Schonswar for Kingston-upon- 
 Hull ; both were, or were supposed to be, in impecunious circum- 
 stances. For Alderman Waithman, the city draper, see No. X., 
 and Coleridge's "Essays on His Own Times," p. 759.] 
 
 Poulett, our ancestors were fools; 
 
 But we have lectures, pamphlets, schools, 
 
 Lord Brougham and Gower Street College; 
 All patriots learn to read and write ; 
 And bigots shudder at the light 
 
 Of newspapers and knowledge. 
 
 Immortal men our Earth have blest ; 
 Great Kitchiner invented yest, 
 
 And made mysterious gravy ; 
 
ODE ADDRESSED TO THE RT. HON. POULETT THOMSON. 173 
 
 In jet is blazoned Warren's name ; 
 The safety lamp lights up the fame 
 Of good Sir Humphrey Davy. 
 
 But round thy temples, Thomson, played 
 (Young Solon of the Board of Trade) 
 
 A blaze of brighter glory ; 
 When thou didst make, with wondrous wit, 
 A surplus of a deficit, 
 
 To bother Whig and Tory. 
 
 " Let not the creditor be grieved, 
 Althoiigh his cash be not received;" 
 
 Oh bliss to hear thee say it ! 
 " How can his interest be worse 1 
 'Tis fructifying in the purse 
 
 Of those who ought to pay it 1 " 
 
 The gallery shook at that dark word ; 
 The chief clerk trembled as he heard ; 
 
 Up started Mr. Speaker : 
 And thou didst smile on poor Lord A., 
 A mild, meek smile, that seemed to say 
 
 " Eureka ! Lo, Eureka ! " 
 
 " Henceforth," Long Wellesley Long Pole said, 
 " Henceforth I shall not hear with dread 
 The echoes of my knocker 1 " 
 
174 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Quoth Joseph Hume, " I'll bet a pound 
 The clever hoy has somewhere found 
 My own new notes on Cocker ! " 
 
 Harvey and Schonswar cried, " Hear, hear," 
 Only poor Waithman did not cheer ; 
 
 Ah, whence was Waithman's sorrow ? 
 "I wish," he sighed, "that eight or nine 
 Good liberal customers of mine 
 
 Mayn't see the Times to-morrow ! " 
 
 Hail, happy Thomson ! Fraud and debt 
 Shall mock the Fleet and the Gazette, 
 
 By grace of thine orations ; 
 Fierce Captain Rock, in Clare and Louth, 
 Shall leave off oaths, and learn to mouth 
 
 Thy limpid lucubrations. 
 
 Prate on, prate on, oh ! not in vain ; 
 So long as London shall contain 
 
 A seller and a buyer — 
 Perish Eicardo, perish Mill ! 
 Thy praise shall be recorded still, 
 
 Poulett — the Fructifier ! 
 
XVI. 
 THE DREAM OF A REPORTER. 
 
 [Albion, 20th February, 1832.— On the 18th the Whig ministry 
 dined at the Mansion House. Sir W. ; Home was Solicitor- 
 General. — In 1822 Lord John Russell published " Don Carlos, a 
 Tragedy," which did not contribute to his reputation. — Mr. Calley 
 was M.P. for Cricklade ; he was guilty of having, in Committee 
 on the Estimates, suddenly blurted out that—" Honourable mem- 
 bers should first pass the Reform Bill, and then he would listen 
 to their speeches with pleasure ! " — Hunt was the first M.P. to 
 begin the systematic degradation of the House of Commons by 
 obstructive babbling upon all subjects which he did not (and 
 there were few which he did) understand. — Sir H. Parnell wrote 
 "A Plan of Fiuancial Reform," upon which Lord Althorp's first 
 Budget was based. He was also the mover of the resolution 
 which brought the Whigs into power, and had been rewarded with 
 the Office of Secretary at War.— Sheil, an eloquent Irish M.P., 
 was O'Connell's most conspicuous lieutenant. — Lord Grey resided 
 at East Sheen during the London Session. He had warned the 
 Bishops, in introducing the Reform Bill, to " set their house in 
 order." — The Queen was known to favour the Anti-Reforming 
 party, and was repeatedly attacked in the Times. — Several new 
 peers had lately been made, to grace the Coronation.] 
 
 " DresWfts being, as plays are, the representation of tilings which do 
 not really happen." — Johnson's Dictionary. 
 
 The speech was dull, the speech was long ; 
 Deep languor o'er my senses crept ; 
 
176 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 1 know it was extremely wrong, 
 
 But there I nodded, yawned and slept. 
 
 I slept. By Lethe's drowsy lake ! 
 I hold him not of woman born, 
 
 Who can contrive to keep awake 
 
 Through more than half an hour of Home. 
 
 I dreamed a dream. There came a change 
 
 On day and night, on heaven and earth ; 
 Whate'er I saw was new and strange; 
 
 All Nature had a second birth ; 
 Antiquity began to stare, 
 
 Arithmetic was all aghast, 
 For round was turning into square, 
 
 And two and two were five, at last ! 
 
 Above, below, methought I saw 
 
 More marvels than the Muse can name ; 
 A Denman with a little law ; 
 
 A Harvey with some sense of shame. 
 Methought I heard Lord Althorp say 
 
 A thing which Canning might have said, 
 And found that Lord John Russell's play 
 
 Was pretty generally read. 
 
 Galley was sober; Hunt was dumb; 
 Sir Henry Parnell had no plan j 
 
THE DREAM OF A REPORTER. 177 
 
 Sheil reasoned ; Stanley was become 
 A most good-natured gentleman ; 
 
 There were no robbers left in Greece ; 
 There were no papists left in Rome ; 
 
 And Clare and Kerry were at peace ; 
 
 So, also, was thy nose, Lord Brougham ! 
 
 I too was changed. I wrote a speech 
 
 To prove my grandfather a slave ; 
 I taught what Scotch Reviewers teach ; 
 
 I raved as Bowring's pupils rave. 
 At city feasts I learnt to bless 
 
 The memory of immortal Cade, 
 And " fructified " with great success, 
 
 One morning, at the Board of Trade. 
 
 I felt that Whiggism was divine ; 
 
 I bowed immensely low at Sheen ; 
 I praised Lord Holland's wit and wine ; 
 
 I wrote a libel on the Queen. 
 I whispered that the Bishops want 
 
 The schoolmaster's instructive rod, 
 And vowed that it is monstrous cant 
 
 To talk of Providence or God. 
 
 Apt student in the Liberal school, 
 I earned my patron's worthless pay ; 
 
 12 
 
POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 I took a cheque from Wellesley Pole, 
 And worse, a title from Lord Grey. 
 
 Alas, it was a dream of fear, 
 
 A dream of guilt, a dream of pain ; 
 
 For all O'Connell bagged last year 
 I would not dream that dream again ! 
 
XVII. 
 THE NEW LIGHT. 
 
 BY AN ADMIRER OP JOSEPH HUME, ESQ., M.P. 
 
 [In a debate on the Russo-Dutch loan, July 17, 1832, Mr. Hume 
 said — " He was anxious to state the reasons which induced him to 
 vote on the present question, first against Ministers, then with 
 them ; and also his reasons for the vote he was going to give that 
 evening. ... He had come down to the House last Thursday as 
 determined as man could be to vote against the proposal of the 
 noble Lord, the Chancellor of the Exchequer ; but, when he found 
 how he was surrounded, and saw that the case was altogether 
 against Ministers, he was unwilling to become a party to that 
 proceeding, which could not fail to bring about their resignation. 
 Honourable members may laugh, but I repeat, that I voted 
 against the Tories, whom I on the present question verily believe 
 to be right, and with the Ministers, whom I as verily believe 
 to be wrong, solely because I did not wish to turn out the present 
 Ministry. For this, I know, I am accused of surrendering my 
 judgment. What do I care about my judgment? Why, sir, I 
 have surrendered my judgment dozens of times for these selfsame 
 Ministers ! Over and over again I have pledged myself that 
 black was white, and white was black, merely to get them out of 
 a scrape, so that they might continue in office and carry the 
 Reform question. . . . His intention was, to support Ministers 
 right or wrong, rather than place them, at a moment like the 
 present, under any necessity of abandoning the government of 
 the country to the dominion of the Tories." In this truly astonish 
 
180 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 ing outburst, one is at a loss whether to admire more the absence 
 of principle, of which the speaker boasts, or the absence of shame, 
 with which he boasts of it. — The loan in question was one of 
 ninety millions of florins, contracted by Russia at the time of the 
 battle of "Waterloo, one-third of which had been taken over by 
 England, and one third by Holland, as the price of Russian sup- 
 port to the arrangement by which Flanders was annexed to 
 Holland. Now that arrangement was terminated, by the esta- 
 blishment of the Belgian kingdom, Holland repudiated her share 
 of the obligation, and England had to undertake the whole. — For 
 Jones, see No. III. ; for Wellesley Pole, No. XV. ; and for the 
 connection of Hume with Greek finance, Part I., No. VI. 
 
 This was the first piece contributed by Praed to the Morning 
 Post, and in its columns appeared all the subsequent poems, 
 except where it is otherwise specified.] 
 
 "Te sequar, O Graia? gentis decus." — LrcB. 
 
 I must confess I like the plan 
 
 Which Joseph Hume has taught, 
 For saving to an honest man 
 
 The toil and time of thought. 
 I used to have a foolish way 
 
 Of doing what was right ; 
 But now, I'm all for Brougham and Grey ; 
 
 I'll vote that black is white. 
 
 That Russian Loan, in proper place, 
 
 I own a sad faux jxis ; 
 In spite of Palmerston's grimace, 
 
 In spite of Denman's law. 
 But why should either fret and fume, 
 
 Smooth Lord or learned Knight ? 
 
THE NEW LIGHT. 
 
 181 
 
 It's wasting words. I'll follow Hume, 
 I'll vote that black is white. 
 
 When Goulburn talks, to make a shine, 
 
 Of income falling off, 
 Sometimes I go away to dine, 
 
 Sometimes I stay to cough. 
 Let dear Lord Althorp fructify 
 
 To Thomson's great delight ; 
 I'll keep my Cocker in my eye, 
 
 I'll vote that black is white. 
 
 The Whigs may move in Parliament 
 
 That Jones has filled Gazettes, 
 That Grecian scrip pays ten per cent., 
 
 Or Wellesley Pole his debts ; 
 That all O'Connell says is true, 
 
 That good is bad, day night ; 
 Move what they will, I'll help them through 
 
 I'll vote that black is white. 
 
 If Plenty leaves our land to-day, 
 I'll say she comes in showers ; 
 
 If we fall down to Gallia's sway, 
 I'll swear she bends to ours ; 
 
 If heavy taxes gall you, sir, 
 I'll prove to you they're light ; 
 
182 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And if you blame the minister, 
 I'll vote that black is white. 
 
 I know that Joseph's full of fear, 
 
 I'll vote that he is brave ; 
 I know his fame's not very clear, 
 
 I'll vote he is no knave ; 
 I know that Joseph is a quack, 
 
 I'll vote he's Solon, quite ; 
 In short, I know that black is black, 
 
 I'll vote that black is white. 
 
XVIII. 
 LONG AGO. 
 
 [This appeared in the Morning Post, 10th August, 1832, prefaced 
 by a reprint of the Author's own song, with the same refrain, for 
 which see his Poetical Works, vol. II., p. 378.— Sir John Cam 
 Hobhouse had now succeeded to a baronetcy, and was appointed 
 Secretary at War in February 1832, in the place of Sir Henry 
 Parnell, who had been removed from office for repeated acts of 
 party insubordination. — The Crown and Anchor Tavern, in the 
 Strand, was the head-quarters of the National Political Union. 
 
 The author's burlesque introduction is subjoined.] 
 
 To the Editor of the " Morning Post." 
 
 Sib,— The sentimental song of which I send you a copy has just been 
 published by Mr. Chappell. The author of it has most impudently, 
 and •without any acknowledgment, adapted to his own purposes the 
 words of an affectionate effusion which I poured forth some months ago 
 upon occasion of the triumphant exaltation of one of my fellow-radicals 
 to those honours and emoluments to which we all aspire. 
 
 I beg you to insert the original-stanzas, and to aid mo in the exposure 
 of the plagiary. My servile imitator may have the applause of the 
 boarding-school, but justice will be done me at the Free-and-Easy. 
 I am, Sir, your obedient servant, 
 
 A Westminster Electob. 
 
184 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 " We were children together ! Oh, brighter than mine," etc. 
 
 We were patriots together ; Oh, placeman and peer 
 
 Are the patrons who smile on your labours to-day ; 
 And Lords of the Treasury lustily cheer 
 
 Whatever you do, and whatever you say. 
 Go, pocket, my Hobhouse, as much as you will ; 
 
 The times are much altered, we very well know ; 
 But will you not, will you not, talk to us still, 
 
 As you talked to us once, long ago, long ago 1 
 
 We were patriots together ! I know you will think, 
 
 Of the cobblers' caresses, the coal-heavers' cries, 
 Of the stones that we threw, and the toasts that we 
 drink, 
 
 Of our pamphlets and pledges, our libels and lies ! 
 When Truth shall awake, and the country and towu 
 
 Be heartily weary of Althorp and Co., 
 My Hobhouse, come back to the Anchor and Crown, 
 
 Let us be what we were long ago — long ago ! 
 
XIX. 
 PLUS DE POLITIQUE. 
 
 [Appeared 13th August, 1832.— The third Reform Bill received 
 the Royal Assent, 7th June, 1832. — For the riot at Derby see 
 No. VI. That at Bristol was still more serious ; in fact it was 
 the only very serious riot that has disgraced English municipal 
 annals for a century. — Dr. Coplestone (see Part I., No. XIV.) 
 was now Bishop of Llandaff and Dean of St. Pauls. — The great 
 cause of Small v. Attwood — a dispute over a contract for the sale 
 of iron mines, was tried before Lord Lyndhurst, and occupied him 
 all the winter of 1831-2. In November 1832, he delivered a cele- 
 brated judgment, which was however reversed six years later, on 
 appeal. It is a leading case on the subject of fraud. — Mr. Isaac 
 Pocock, the dramatizer of Walter Scott's novels, supplied the 
 theatres with Operatic Dramas for twenty years. The Miller and 
 his Men, The Maid and Maypie, Rob Roy McGregor, and Bit or 
 Miss, are among the best known. — Three inferior stanzas, possibly 
 by another hand, with which this piece concluded, were rejected 
 by the author on reprinting it.] 
 
 " Je n' en parlerai plus." — de beraxgeb. 
 
 No politics ! I cannot bear 
 
 To tell our ancient fame ; 
 No politics ! I do not dare 
 
 To paint our present shame. 
 
186 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 What we have been, what we must be, 
 
 Let other minstrels say ; 
 It is too dark a theme for me ; 
 
 No politics to-day ! 
 
 I loved to see the captive's chain 
 
 •By British hands burst through J 
 I loved to sing the fields of Spain, 
 
 The war of Waterloo, 
 But now the Russian's greedy swords 
 
 Are edged with English pay ; 
 We help — we hire the robber hordes : 
 
 No politics to-day 1 
 
 I used to look on many a home 
 
 Of industry and art ; 
 I gazed on pleasure's gorgeous dome, 
 
 On labour's busy mart : 
 From Derby's rows, from Bristol's fires, 
 
 I turn with tears away ; 
 I can't admire what Brougham admires : 
 
 No politics to-day ! 
 
 I've often heard the faithless French 
 
 Denounced by William Pitt ; 
 I've watched the flash, from this same bench, 
 
 Of Canning's polished wit ; 
 
PLUS DE POLITIQUE. 187 
 
 And when your Woods and Waithinans brawl, 
 
 Your Humes and Harveys bray — 
 Good Lord ! I'm weary of them all ! 
 
 No politics to-day ! 
 
 Let's talk of Coplestone and prayers, 
 
 Of Ivitchiner and pies, 
 Of Lady Sophonisba's airs, 
 
 Of Lady Susan's eyes ; 
 Let's talk of Mr. Attwood's cause, 
 
 Of Mr. Pocock's play— 
 Of fiddles — bubbles — rattles — straws ! 
 
 No politics to-day ! 
 
XX. 
 
 THE MAGIC BENCH. 
 
 [September 5th, 1832. — The statesmen here satirized are Lord 
 Althorp, Sir James Graham, Sir John Cam Hobhouse, and Lord 
 John Russell. — Lord Althorp had spoken several times in 
 February 1830 on the subject of distress in the country, and in 
 advocacy of retrenchment. — Sir James Graham, after his failure 
 in the debate of March 1831, somewhat surprised his colleagues by 
 his silence. A bitter complaint was made by Lord Brougham, of 
 him and Mr. Charles Grant, on this account, in a private letter to 
 Lord Grey. — Sir J. C. Hobhouse was unlucky in holding office as 
 Secretary at War, after speaking and voting against flogging 
 in the army. But it was due to him that an enquiry was insti- 
 tuted in the case of William Somerville, a bad business. — Lord 
 John Russell published in 1823 an Essay on the History of the 
 English Governmeut and Institutions, in which he defended 
 (with some reservations) the existence of anomalies in the 
 Representative System, and wrote with veneration of Boiough 
 Charters.] 
 
 I have heard of a lamp, whose virtue makes 
 Pearls of pebbles, and lawns of lakes ; 
 I have heard of a wand, whose mystic gold 
 Turns lovely to loathsome, young to old ; 
 But there is a Bench, of power to change 
 Far more rapid, and far more strange, 
 
THE MAGIC BENCH. 189 
 
 Than ever was given to mortal hand 
 By the mightiest charms of Fairyland. 
 
 A dull lord breathed a bitter curse 
 
 On the knaves that were robbing the public purse; 
 
 For nobody now, he was bold to declare, 
 
 In castle or cot, had a guinea to spare ; 
 
 And the debt and the taxes made him fear 
 
 That the nation would all be starved next year. 
 
 But he sits on the Bench, and people say 
 
 He has flung five millions of money away. 
 
 A Baronet came from the far far North, 
 
 And he poured huge rivers of rhetoric forth, 
 
 Prating of fetters, and prating of thrones, 
 
 With serious looks, and solemn tones ; 
 
 And quoting bits of Latin lore 
 
 To make the country members roar. 
 
 But he sits on the Bench, and he's as dumb 
 
 As an unstrung lute, or a broken drum. 
 
 A little man with a hooked nose came ; 
 His voice was thunder, his glance was flame ; 
 He said he had seen, and he heaved a sigh, 
 A hero flogged who was six feet high ; 
 
190 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And he thought it a horrid, heathenish plan, 
 To punish the faults of so tall a man. 
 But he sits on the Bench, and the drummers vow 
 He carries a " cat " in his pocket now. 
 
 I saw a wise Lord John, who took, 
 
 Wherever he went, a learned book ; 
 
 It treated of Commons, it treated of Crown, 
 
 Of building up, and of pulling down ; 
 
 All cried who could — or could not — read, 
 
 The book was a charming book indeed. 
 
 But he sits on the Bench, and it's quite absurd, 
 
 He has eaten the volume every word. 
 
 Many I see who, years ago, 
 
 Were as white and fair as the new fallen snow ; 
 
 But they sit on the Bench, and lo ! they're black 
 
 As the plumage on the raven's back ; 
 
 And many whom we measured then, 
 
 Were found to be enormous men ; 
 
 But they sit on the Bench, and it's pretty well 
 
 known 
 How very little they all are grown. 
 
 Would'st thou go thither ? Oh study well 
 How thou may'st break the perilous spell ! 
 
THE MAGIC BENCH. 191 
 
 Heed not a threat, and hear not a gibe j 
 
 Shun no labour, and touch no bribe : 
 
 Let the bright dame Honour be 
 
 Ever a guard and a guide to thee ; 
 
 Love not the traitors, and trust not the French ; 
 
 And so be safe on the Magic Bench ! 
 
XXI. 
 
 PLEDGES. 
 
 BY A TEX-P0UXD HOUSEHOLDER. 
 
 [Preparations were now being made for the General Election, 
 which followed on the passing of the Reform Bill. This appeared 
 on the 7th September, 1832. The Political Unions made a strenuous 
 attempt to introduce the system of delegacy, in place of repre- 
 sentation, by exacting pledges upon questions which were pro- 
 minent at the moment. See especially the resolutions adopted at 
 a meeting of the City of London Livery, Ann. Rig. LXX1V. 300.] 
 
 When a gentleman comes 
 
 With Lis trumpets and drums, 
 And hangs out a flag at the Dragon, 
 
 Some pledges, no doubt, 
 
 We must get him to spout 
 To the sLop-keepers, out of a wagon. 
 
 Eor although an M.P. 
 
 May be wiser than we 
 Till the House is dissolved, in December, 
 
 Thenceforth, we're assured, 
 
 Since Reform is secured, 
 We'll be wiser by far than our member. 
 
PLEDGES. 193 
 
 A pledge must be had 
 
 That, since times are so bad, 
 He'll prepare a long speech, to improve them ; 
 
 And since taxes, at best, 
 
 Are a very poor jest, 
 He'll take infinite pains to remove them. 
 
 He must promise and vow 
 
 That he'll never allow 
 A Bishop to ride in his carriage ; 
 
 That he'll lighten our cares 
 
 By abolishing prayers, 
 And extinguishing baptism and marriage. 
 
 He must solemnly say 
 
 That he'll vote no more pay 
 To the troops, in their ugly red jackets ; 
 
 And that none may complain 
 
 On the banks of the Seine, 
 He'll dismast all our ships, but the packets. 
 
 That the labourer's arm 
 
 May be stout on the farm, 
 That our commerce may wake from stagnation, 
 
 That our trades may revive, 
 
 And our looms look alive, 
 He'll be pledged to all free importation. 
 
 13 
 
194 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS- 
 
 And that city and plain 
 
 May recover again 
 From the squabbles of Pitts and of Foxes, 
 
 He'll be pledged, amidst cheers, 
 
 To demolish the Peers, 
 And give us the balls and the boxes. 
 
 Some questions our wit 
 
 May have chanced to omit ; 
 So, for fear he should happen to stumble, 
 
 He must promise to go 
 
 With Hume, Harvey, and Co., 
 And be their obedient and humble. 
 
 We must bind him, poor man, 
 
 To obey their divan, 
 However their worships may task him, 
 
 To swallow their lies 
 
 Without any surprise, 
 And to vote black is white, when they ask him. 
 
 These hints I shall lay, 
 
 In a forcible way, 
 Before an intelligent quorum, 
 
 Who meet to debate 
 
 Upon matters of State, 
 To-night, at the National Forum. 
 
XXII. 
 HUME TRANSLATED. 
 
 [25th September, 1832.— In October 1831 the Times declared 
 war on Joseph Hume. The energy with which it was written 
 and administered caused it to be, from the time of the Reform 
 Bill controversy, unquestionably the first of daily newspapers. — 
 Although Hume's watchful criticism of the estimates has earned 
 for him, since his death, a certain posthumous reputation, it can- 
 not be said that he ever, while he lived, earned the general respect 
 of Englishmen.] 
 
 " Oh Bottom, thou art changed ! what do I see on thee ? " 
 " Bless thee, Bottom, bless thee ! thou art translated." 
 
 Midsummer Night's Dream. 
 
 The cunning man has scowled on me 
 
 Who changes black to white ; 
 There never came wizard from over the sea 
 
 More strong to blast and blight ; 
 He breathes his spell in a dark dark den, 
 
 The Chancellor well knows where ; 
 His servants are devils, his wand is a pen, 
 
 And his circle is Printing House Square. 
 
196 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Many a strange and quaint disguise 
 
 The crafty conjuror wears ; 
 Sometimes he mutters blasphemies, 
 
 Sometimes he mumbles prayers ; 
 And if he rides to burn a town 
 
 On a galloping Broom to-day, 
 To-morrow he quakes from the sole to the crown 
 
 Like a Friar of Orders Grey. 
 
 I once was fair ; not Waithman's face 
 
 Was a fairer face than mine, 
 Ere the sorcerer's eye had marred the grace 
 
 Of the features so divine ; 
 On my brow a few black drops he threw, 
 
 And a few fierce words he said, 
 And lo — and lo — wherever I go 
 
 I wear an ass's head 1 
 
 My hands were once extremely clean, 
 
 I was an honest man; 
 No purer patriot ever was seen 
 
 In Freedom's glorious van. 
 He has withered my arm with a fearful charm J 
 
 It was wrought in Greece, they say ; 
 And folks look grave and call me a knave, 
 
 In the public streets to-day. 
 
HUME TRANSLATED. 197 
 
 I used to cast accounts so fast 
 
 That they called me Cocker's son j 
 The Board of Trade was all aghast 
 
 When I rose to carry one ; 
 But since that seal on my fate was set, 
 
 I'm as dull as dull can be ; 
 I've quite forgot my tare and tret, 
 
 And I've lost my Rule of Three. 
 
 A mighty man that juggler is, 
 
 So gloomy and so grim ; 
 You shall not find a task, I wis, 
 
 Too difficult for him ; 
 He can make Lord Althorp half a wit, 
 
 Lord Morpeth not a bore, 
 And give Lord Palmerston hope to sit 
 
 In the seat where he sat before. 
 
 Would you retain for a twelvemonth's space 
 
 The self-same hue and shape 1 
 Would you shun to change your natural face 
 
 For the face of an owl or ape 1 
 Would you pray, through life's uncertain span. 
 
 The fame you win to wear ? 
 Avoid, if you can, the cunning man, 
 
 Whose circle is Printing House Square ! 
 
XXIII. 
 THE OLD SOLDIER. 
 
 [13th October, 1832.— The campaign against the Dutch, to 
 turn them out of Antwerp, undertaken by the French, while 
 the English blockaded the port, was an odious necessity. My 
 father, a Captain in the Navy, used to speak of the disgust with 
 which his men, in H.M.S. Rover, regarded their mission to capture 
 Dutch merchantmen ia the Channel. All the prizes were given 
 back, after Antwerp surrendered.] 
 
 I saw to-day an ancient man, 
 
 An ancient man and poor ; 
 And he was sitting with his can 
 
 Before his cottage door. 
 Right kindly he made room for me 
 
 Upon the oaken bench, 
 And " Here's Old England's health " quoth he, 
 
 " And sorrow take the French ! " 
 
 " Good friend," said I, " you're vastly wrong, 
 
 Your wits are all awry ; 
 Mounseer, whom we abused so long, 
 
 Is now our best ally." 
 
THE OLD SOLDIER. 199 
 
 He laughed outright in merry glee, 
 
 And, winking to his wench, 
 " Why, how his honour jests," quoth he, 
 
 " To say so of the French I " 
 
 " In sooth it is a sober tale ; 
 
 So I to him replied : 
 " Together now our navies sail, 
 
 Our troops charge side by side." 
 He stroked his head, which I might see 
 
 Long years began to blench ; 
 " It's hard to swallow, Sir," quoth he, 
 
 " Such stories of the French." 
 
 " Nay, comrade, it were really best 
 
 To let these errors sleep ; 
 French patties are superbly drest, 
 
 French wine is very cheap." 
 He sipped his grog ; could better be 
 
 A soldier's thirst to quench 1 
 " Unwholesome is the mess," quoth he, 
 
 "Whene'er the cook is French ! " 
 
 " All this," I cried, " is idle cant ; 
 
 To-day new lights advance ; 
 Lord Palmerston and Mr. Grant 
 
 Can find no fault with France." 
 
200 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 He knocked his pipe against Lis knee, 
 
 The ashes made a stench ; 
 And, " Sir, there was a time," quoth he, 
 
 " They both disliked the French." 
 
 I gave it up : 'twas all in vain : 
 
 The veteran had his way ; 
 He talked of Portugal and Spain, 
 
 Of Marmont and of Ney ; 
 He talked of tempests on the sea, 
 
 Of grape shot in the trench ; 
 " God bless the Duke ! " so ended he ; 
 
 " How he did beat the French ! " 
 
XXIV. 
 A CABINET CAROL. 
 
 [18th October, 1832. — Lord Palmerston's disregard of mere 
 party politics, though it was not, in him, the mark of any very 
 exalted standard of political virtue, tended in the long run to wiu 
 for him the confidence of Englishmen generally. But it exposed 
 him to a good deal of obloquy, some of which was merited. The 
 seat for Cambridge University, which he held in 1826 (see Part 
 I., No. XIX.), he lost again at the General Elections of 1831 ; and 
 he was now a candidate for the representation of Penryn and 
 Falmouth. — The war Lord Howick is represented as condemning 
 was not the Dutch war, but the great war with France, which kept 
 his father for so many years in Opposition.] 
 
 " The statesman shews little practical wisdom, who obstinately 
 adheres to his old opinions, when the circumstances which justified 
 them exist no longer." — Speech of Lord Palmereton. 
 
 There was a time when I could sit 
 
 By Londonderry's side, 
 And laugh with Peel at Canning's wit, 
 
 And hint to Hume he lied ; 
 Henceforth I run a different race, 
 
 Another soil I plough, 
 And though I still have pay and place, 
 
 I'm not a Tory now. 
 
202 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 I've put away ray ancient awe 
 
 For mitre and for crown ; 
 I've lost my fancy for the law 
 
 Which keeps sedition down ; 
 I think that patriots have a right 
 
 To make a little row ; 
 A town on fire's a pretty sight : 
 
 I'm not a Tory now. 
 
 "When Howick damns with bitter sneer 
 
 The friends of that vile war, 
 I whisper into Grant's dull ear 
 
 " How just his strictures are ! " 
 When Burdett storms about expense, 
 
 A smile comes o'er my brow : 
 Sir Francis is a man of sense. 
 
 I'm not a Tory now. 
 
 I learn to be extremely shy 
 
 With all my early cons ; 
 I'm very cold at Trinity, 
 
 And colder at St. John's ; 
 But then, my Falmouth friends adore 
 
 My smile, and tone, and bow ; 
 Don't tell them what I was before — 
 
 I'm not a Tory, now ! 
 
A CABINET CAROL. 203 
 
 I'm always pleased with Jeffrey's prose, 
 
 And charmed with Little's rhymes ; 
 I'm quite convinced the nation owes 
 
 Its welfare to the Times. 
 When people write the K a fool, 
 
 And call the Q a frow, 
 
 I'm philosophically cool ; 
 
 I'm not a Tory now. 
 
 If Harvey gets Brougham's seals and seat, 
 
 My friend will Harvey be ; 
 If Cobbett dines in Downing Street, 
 
 He'll have my three times three ; 
 If Hunt in Windsor Castle rules, 
 
 I'll take a house at Slough ; 
 Tories were always knaves and fools. 
 
 I'm not a Tory, now ! 
 
XXV. 
 STANZAS. 
 
 BY A TEN TOUNDER OBJECTED TO. 
 
 [23rd October, 1 832.— The first Registration, under the Reform 
 B.ll, was proceeding.] 
 
 Sanctaruin inscitia legum. — Hor. 
 
 I'm quite amazed ! Twelve months and more 
 
 I've taken monstrous pains 
 To raise my friends from shore to shore, 
 
 And make them break their chains ; 
 And much I've plotted, much I've planned, 
 
 With energy and skill, 
 And yet I cannot understand 
 
 The clauses of the Bill. 
 
 The patriots in the papers wrote 
 To say the fight was won ; 
 
 Yet some maintain I have a vote, 
 And some aver I've none ; 
 
STANZAS. 205 
 
 And bless me ! do whate'er I can, 
 
 And ask where'er I will, 
 I never find a gentleman 
 
 Who comprehends the Bill. 
 
 Attorney Fleece is very good 
 
 At anything obscure ; 
 If nonsense can be understood, 
 
 He'll understand it, sure ; 
 There's no man better at a lease, 
 
 Or sharper at a will ; 
 But bless your heart ! Attorney Fleece 
 
 Is bothered by the Bill ! 
 
 At Greek or Latin, you may swear, 
 The schoolmaster is quick ; 
 
 They say he'll construe, I declare, 
 Right through a wall of brick ; 
 
 But he's been poring for a week, 
 And may be poring still ; 
 
 It's infinitely worse than Greek- 
 He can't translate the Bill. 
 
 My landlord, old Sir Charles, was sent, 
 
 In the most flattering way, 
 From Hocus Hall to Parliament 
 
 To help Reform, and Grey. 
 
206 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 He sat, Sir, for the nation's sake, 
 
 Till sitting made him ill : 
 And then — 'twas easier to make, 
 
 Than to make out — the Bill. 
 
 At last, to set the matter right, 
 
 Two counsellors came down ; 
 And each, to make our darkness light, 
 
 Has brought a wig and gown. 
 But one says " yes," and t'other " no," 
 
 A—" black," B — " white," until 
 I don't think either seems to know 
 
 The meaning of the Bill. 
 
 They say Lord Brougham has power to teach 
 
 All sorts of puzzling things, 
 From alphabets and parts of speech 
 
 Down to the crimes of kings. 
 If yet, in pamphlets and reviews, 
 
 He loves young minds to drill, 
 Some day, perhaps, he will diffuse 
 
 Some knowledge of the Bill. 
 
XXVI. 
 AN EPISTLE 
 
 FROM AN OLD ELECTIONEERER TO A YOUNG SECRETARY. 
 
 [30th November, 1832.— Mr. Edward Ellice, M.P. for Coventry, 
 the Secretary to the Treasury, to Mr. Charles Wood. Lord Grey's 
 private secretary.— Lord Palmerston's candidature for Penryn fell 
 through, and a proposal to put him in nomination for Lambeth 
 was not well received. Eventually he was returned for South 
 Hants.— Van Speyk was a minor hero of the successful Dutch 
 campaign against the Belgians.] 
 
 I've canvassed, dear Charles, since we parted, 
 Our friends in this beautiful town ; 
 
 But really, I'm quite broken-hearted 
 To find the good cause going down. 
 
 Some pestilent, profligate Tory- 
 Has done all the mischief, no doubt; 
 
 The voters are all in one story ; 
 They ask what the war is about. 
 
 I tell them of Gatton and Sarum ; 
 
 I cut up the Bishops and Peers ; 
 I ring the old useful alarum 
 
 Of negroes and whips in their ears; 
 
208 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEilS. 
 
 I point out the manifold mercies 
 
 We've had since Sir Robert went out : 
 
 They all put their hands on their purses 
 And ask what the war is about. 
 
 When they drink my success at my dinners, 
 
 I speak in an eloquent strain ; 
 And then, sir, the weavers and spinners 
 
 Cry " bravo ! " and " bravo ! " again; 
 But just in the midst of the cheering 
 
 Some brute at the bottom will shout — 
 " We all of us want to be hearing 
 
 What all this here war is about 1 " 
 
 Some come with inquisitive faces, 
 
 Some come with inquisitive tones J 
 One grumbles — another grimaces — 
 
 Here pamphlets are flying — there stones. 
 If I go to a market or masquing, 
 
 If I'm one at a row or a rout, 
 Belles, butchers, all long to be asking — 
 
 Ah me ! what the war is about. 
 
 The Aldermen pause in their feeding 
 To babble of dam and of dyke ; 
 
 My Lady insists upon reading 
 
 The lines in her book on Yan Speyk 
 
AN EPISTLE. 209 
 
 Sir Andrew jumps up to abuse me, 
 
 In spite of his years and his gout, 
 And his little girl lisps, to amuse me, 
 
 " Tell Ma what the war is about." 
 
 We'll carry poor Palmerston through, Charles, 
 
 Whatever the country may say ; 
 But his Lordship, between me and you, Charles. 
 
 Behaves in a very odd way ; 
 He's clever at jesting and joking, 
 
 Which surely we might do without ; 
 But he won't — it's extremely provoking — • 
 
 Explain what the war is about 1 
 
 14 
 
XXVII. 
 THE BEGGAR'S THANKS. 
 
 [February 15th, 1833.— The Tithe "War in Ireland, which called 
 loudly for settlement, was settled by a transfer of the actual pay- 
 ment from the tenant to the landlord, which proved entirely 
 successful. But the Whig measure for reform of the Irish 
 Establishment went further. It proposed the reduction of the 
 overgrown episcopate, and the secularization of a portion of the 
 Church endowments. This proposal, in the end, was the ruin of 
 the Grey Ministry, by disgusting Mr. Stanley with his part as 
 Irish Secretaiy, and eventually causing him, with others, to secede. 
 Just at first it seems to have been viewed with a good deal of 
 favour.] 
 
 " He was grateful for the plan, though he admitted he desired much 
 more." — Speech of Mr. O'Connell, K.C. 
 
 He mutters no threat, he points no gibe, 
 
 He speaks in civil tone ; 
 It's truly puzzling to describe 
 
 How loyal he is grown. 
 He owes a debt — it's very sweet 
 
 To have such debts to pay ; 
 He owes his thanks to Downing Street — ■ 
 
 He's grateful to Lord Grey. 
 
THE BEGGAR'S THANKS. 211 
 
 In yon green isle it is averred 
 
 That treason has been hot ; 
 Some houses have been burnt, I heard, 
 
 And some old parsons shot. 
 But bless my heart ! I'm quite prepared 
 
 To hope a fairer day ; 
 The great O'Connell has declared 
 
 He's grateful to Lord Grey 1 
 
 He always rises to protest 
 
 If people prate of law ; 
 A statute is to him a jest, 
 
 An oath a wisp of straw. 
 Oh surely 'tis a charmiug plan, 
 
 Whatever bigots say, 
 Which makes so excellent a man 
 
 So grateful to Lord Grey ! 
 
 Go on, my lords and gentlemen ! 
 
 Pull down what yet remains ; 
 Drive to the Holy Pontiff's pen 
 
 His flock of Bourkes and Shanes ; 
 In honest men you'll hear and see 
 
 Some anger, some dismay ; 
 But Daniel and his friends will be 
 
 More grateful to Lord Grey. 
 
XXVIII. 
 
 A NURSERY SONG. 
 
 [February 1 9th, 1833. In a debate on sinecure places, Hume asked 
 what service had Lord Frederick FitzClarence seen, that he 
 should be rewarded with the Lieutenancy of the Tower. Some 
 member said, " Waterloo." " I had forgot Waterloo," said Hume, 
 amid laughter ; " but was the noble lord there ? " The answer 
 was " Yes."] 
 
 " [ had forgot Waterloo."— Joseph Hums. 
 
 Hume has been dotting and carrying one, 
 Hume has been helping O'Connell and son, 
 Hume has been proving that wrong is right, 
 Hume has been voting that black is white ; 
 Hume has so many things to do, 
 Hume has forgotten Waterloo. 
 
 Hume has been studying tare and tret, 
 Hume has been summing the national debt, 
 Hume has been babbling of silk and grain, 
 Hume has been poring o'er Cocker and Paine, 
 
A NURSERY SONG. 213 
 
 Hume is a sage and a patriot too — 
 Hume has forgotten Waterloo. 
 
 Hume has been jobbing with infinite skill, 
 Hume has been treating the poor Greeks ill, 
 Hume has been rivalling Bowring's crimes, 
 Hume has been chid in the fierce old Times, 
 Hume has been reading the Yellow and Blue — - 
 Hume has forgotten Waterloo. 
 
 Hume for his toils has a wide wide scope ; 
 Hume is a friend to the friends of the Pope, 
 Hume has a pleasure in Antwerp's fall, 
 Hume has an eye on Greece and Gaul, 
 Hume has a heart for a Quaker or Jew — 
 Hume has forgotten Waterloo. 
 
 Hume has been praising Bentham's schemes, 
 Hume has been puffing Thomson's dreams, 
 Hume has been hinting that piety's cant, 
 Hume has been frightening good Charles Grant ; 
 Hume is to me what he is to you ; 
 Hume has forgotten Waterloo. 
 
XXIX. 
 
 STANZAS 
 
 ON SEEING THE SPEAKER ASLEEP IN HIS CHAIR, DURING 
 ONE OF THE DEBATES OF THE FIRST REFORMED 
 PARLIAMENT. 
 
 [These lines appeared on the 6th March, 1833. Messrs. Finn, 
 Grattan, and Baldwin were members of O'Connell's " tail ; " 
 Mr. John Fielden was M.P. for Oldham. — The allusion to Cobbett 
 produced a very clever skit, of which it was taken as the text, 
 in which the idea was worked out at great length. See the 
 Morning Post for 1st April. It began — 
 
 "Mr. Cobbett asked, leave to bring in, very soon, 
 A Bill to abolish the Sun and the Moon. 
 The honourable member proceeded to state 
 Some arguments used in a former debate," etc, etc. 
 
 The authorship was not disclosed. Besides the heavenly lumin- 
 aries, rain, wind, and the whole course of nature are to be reformed. 
 Parliament is to 
 
 " Provide for the World a more just Legislature, 
 And impose an agrarian law upon Nature ! " 
 
 The "Wood of whom Lord Palmerston may have had a mean 
 opinion in 1827 was not, of course, Charles, afterwards Lord 
 Halifax, but the Alderman, Lord Hatherley's father, Queen 
 Caroline's host.] 
 
ON SEEING THE SPEAKER ASLEEP. 216 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; it's surely fair, 
 
 If you don't in your bed, that you should in your 
 
 chair ; 
 Longer and longer still they grow, 
 Tory and Radical, Aye and No ; 
 Talking by night, and talking by day ; 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; sleep, sleep while you may 1 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; slumber lies 
 
 •Light and brief on a Speaker's eyes. 
 
 Fielden or Finn, in a minute or two, 
 
 Some disorderly thing will do ; 
 
 Riot will chase repose away ; 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; sleep, sleep while you may. 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; Cobbett will soon 
 
 Move to abolish the sun and moon; 
 
 Hume, no doubt, will be taking the sense 
 
 Of the House on a savhog of thirteen pence; 
 
 Grattan will growl, or Baldwin bray ; 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; sleep, sleep while you may. 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; dream of the time 
 When loyalty was not quite a crime, 
 When Grant was a pupil in Canning's school, 
 And Palmerston fancied Wood a fool. 
 
216 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Lord, how principles pass away ! 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; sleep, sleep while you may. 
 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; sweet to men 
 Is the sleep that comes but now and then ; 
 Sweet to the sorrowful, sweet to the ill, 
 Sweet to the children who work in a mill. 
 You have more need of sleep than they ; 
 Sleep, Mr. Speaker ; sleep, sleep while you may. 
 
XXX. 
 
 PATRIOT AND PLACEMAN. 
 
 A NEW SONG, INSCRIBED TO THE ELECTORS OF 
 WESTMINSTER. 
 
 [6th May, 1833.— In April Mr. Stanley was promoted from the 
 Irish Secretaryship to the Colonial Office, and his former place was 
 accepted by Sir J. C. Hobhouse, who had retained his seat for 
 "Westminster at the General Election of 1832, though not without 
 opposition, due to the attempts of the Unions to extort pledges. 
 (See No. XXI.). Hobhouse manfully resisted this, but at the same 
 time gave the strongest assurance of opposition to the assessed 
 taxes, as then levied. The third Budget of Lord Althoi p and Mr. 
 Thomson incurred serious objection, because it did not deal with 
 this question. Hobhouse, finding his position in the ministry un- 
 tenable, resigned office ; and being unwilling to oppose the Liberal 
 Ministry, which was in danger of defeat, resigned also his seat for 
 Westminster, with a view to re-election. He was immediately 
 opposed by the Political Union, who chose Colonel Evans, after- 
 wards Sir De Lacy Evans, as their candidate. 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, who talked to the town 
 In a very fine style at the Anchor and Crown ; 
 
218 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Sir John was a placeman, who went to entrench 
 His wisdom and wit on the Treasury Bench. 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, all stutter and storm, 
 Who promised the people a ton of Reform ! 
 Sir John was a placeman, who thought it would do 
 To give the poor people a bushel or two. 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, whose scorn was immense 
 For the vermin who plundered the poor of their 
 
 pence ; 
 Sir John was a placeman, who whispered a wish 
 To honest Lord Grey for a loaf and a fish. 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, who used to exclaim 
 That flogging tall men was a horrible shame ; 
 Sir John was a placeman, who handled a whip, 
 And softly requested the privates to strip. 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, who swooned when he saw 
 A soldier called out in support of the law ; 
 Sir John was a placeman, who sent, I declare, 
 The Colonels and Captains to Cork and to Clare. 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
PATRIOT AND PLACEMAN. 219 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, who valiantly swore 
 My windows and house should pay taxes no more ; 
 Sir John was a placeman, who fled like a mouse, 
 When Althorp was taxing my window and house. 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
 Sir John was a patriot, who happened one day 
 To creep from his seat and his office away ; 
 Sir John was a placeman, who laboured in vain 
 To creep to his seat and his office again ! 
 
 Derry Down. 
 
XXXI. 
 
 WHISTLE. 
 
 INTENDED TO BE SUNG BY SIR JOHN CAM HOBHOUSE, 
 AFTER HIS RE-ELECTION FOR WESTMINSTER. 
 
 [The Westminster nomination was on May 7th; and this 
 appeared on the 8th. — Sir John could not obtain a hearing, and 
 was pelted from the hustings. — Mr. Wakley had taken the lead in 
 heckling him at the preceding election. — " Joseph " is Hume ; 
 he moved a resolution in the House against flogging in the army ; 
 Mr. Grote at this time was chiefly known as the mover of the 
 Ballot Bill. Alderman Sir John Key had been Lord Mayor on 
 the occasion of the banquet celebrated in Xo. XYL, and had 
 moved the resolution against the House and Window Taxes. 
 
 This piece was not reproduced in the edition privately printed 
 in 1835 ; but Praed writes, 26th May, 1833, " ' Patriot and Placeman ' 
 was mine, as well as ' Whistle ; ' and it was generally held the 
 more indisputably mine of the two."] 
 
 Oh whistle, and I'll come to you, Lcrd Grey ; 
 "Whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Whatever you do, and whatever you say, 
 Oh whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey 1 
 
 I promise, of course, what I promised before ; 
 I speak as I spoke, and I swear as I swore ; 
 
WHISTLE. 221 
 
 But honest Lord Althorp to-morrow shall see, 
 A promise is pie-crust to Burdett and me. 
 
 So whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Whate'er be the pledges I swallow to-day, 
 Just whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey. 
 
 Perhaps I must talk, as I've talked long enough, 
 Of taxes, and ballot, and flogging, and stuff 5 
 But Joseph, and Grote, and wise Alderman Key, 
 You know, will have little assistance from me. 
 
 So whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 I'm a popular man, and I talk for display, 
 But whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey. 
 
 It's a terrible bore when the Badicals bring 
 Addresses, Petitions, and that sort of thing ; 
 But a shake of the head, and a bend of the knee, 
 Is all they will get, if they bring them to me. 
 
 Then whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Just wait till I've sent Mr. Wakley away, 
 Then whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey. 
 
222 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Though vanished and lost are the praises you won, 
 Though I see you abused in the Times and the Sun, 
 Though they laugh, my dear lord, at your Family 
 
 Tree, 
 These things are of little importance to me. 
 
 So whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 Whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey ; 
 As long as you've places, as long as you've pay, 
 Oh whistle, and I'll come to you, Lord Grey 1 
 
XXXII. 
 
 THE ADIEUS OF WESTMINSTER. 
 
 [13tli May, 1833. Colonel Evans was returned by a large 
 majority, and Hobhouse, though he returned afterwards to public 
 life, and to office, and was eventually raised to the Peerage as 
 Lord Broughton, disappeared thenceforward from the front rank 
 of rising statesmen. — -'Old Glory" is Sir Francis Burdett, the 
 aristocratically-minded squire who modelled his political career 
 on that of Jack "Wilkes, and kept his seat for Westminster many 
 years, on the strength of his having done and said things, in his 
 heyday of youth, which rendered him " impossible " as an office 
 holder. Charles Fox, Sheridan, and Sir Samuel Romilly were 
 all returned as M.P. for Westminster on one or more' occasions ; 
 Capt. Sir Murray Maxwell was defeated by Romilly in 1818 ; and 
 Mr. G-. Lamb, in 1819, by Hobhouse and Sir Francis Burdett. — 
 <: Tram " is a kind of silk thread, originally imported from Italy, 
 which turned up in the Budget debate. — Mr. Robert Grant was 
 an advocate of the Abolition of Slavery in the Colonies, a question 
 which, since Brougham's exposure of the judicial murder of the 
 missionary Smith in Demerara (1829), had become urgent. — Sir 
 John Campbell had lately been appointed Solicitor-General. — 
 " Qui tarn " were the first words, after the heading, in the old 
 ex-officio informations for libel.] 
 
 WnEN first you came courting, John Cam, John Cam, 
 When first you came courting, John Cam, 
 
224 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 You came with Old Glory, 
 
 Who hated a Tory 
 As much as a Hebrew hates ham, ham, 
 As much as a Hebrew hates ham. 
 
 Oh, then you were charming, John Cam, John Cam, 
 Oh, then you were charming, John Cam ; 
 
 As noisy and merry 
 
 As Charley and Sherry, 
 And almost as wise as Sir Sam, Sam, 
 And almost as wise as Sir Sam. 
 
 Fine presents you brought me, John Cam, John Cam, 
 Fine presents you brought me, John Cam ; 
 
 A score of good reasons 
 
 For tumults and treasons, 
 Imported de ch-ez Notre Dame, Dame t 
 Imported de chez Notre Dame. 
 
 You prated and plotted, John Cam, John Cam, 
 You prated and plotted, John Cam ; 
 
 And at clubs played the knave, 
 
 Till Rogers looked grave, 
 And gave you the title of Pam, Pam, 
 And gave you the title of Pam. 
 
THE ADIEUS OF WESTMINSTEB. Z'lo 
 
 How oft on my hustings, John Cam, John Cam, 
 How oft on my hustings, John Cam, 
 
 You preached Revolution 
 
 With grand elocution, 
 Which maddened me just like a dram, dram, 
 Which maddened me just like a dram. 
 
 And that was your triumph, John Cam, John Cam, 
 And that was your triumph, John Cam ; 
 
 When I kicked up a row, 
 
 You made a low bow, 
 Which in Turkey they call a salaam, — laam, 
 Which in Turkey they call a salaam. 
 
 You smiled approbation, John Cam, John Cam, 
 You smiled approbation, John Cam, 
 
 When I cudgelled their backs well 
 
 Who voted for Maxwell, 
 And flung filthy turnips at Lamb, Lamb, 
 And flung filthy turnips at Lamb. 
 
 And great were your praises, John Cam, John Cam, 
 And great were your praises, John Cam ; 
 
 And the trumpet of fame 
 
 Blew Hobhouse's name 
 As far as Seringapatam, — tarn, 
 As far as Seringapatam. 
 
 15 
 
226 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Ah ! why did you ever, John Cam, John Cam, 
 Ah ! why did you ever, John Cam, 
 
 Get into disgrace, 
 
 By taking a place, 
 And proving your principles sham, sham, 
 And proving your principles sham ? 
 
 Go back to your cronies, John Cam, John Cam, 
 Go back to your cronies, John Cam ; 
 
 To Althorp, so funny 
 
 In matters of money, 
 And Thomson, who tattles of tram, tram, 
 And Thomson, who tattles of tram. 
 
 To Grant, the religious, John Cam, John Cam, 
 To Grant, the religious, John Cam, 
 
 Whose soul it annoys, 
 
 That the little black boys 
 Should work for their cocoa and yam, yam, 
 Should work for their cocoa and yam ; 
 
 To Russell the rhymer, John Cam, John Cam, 
 To Paissell the rhymer, John Cam; 
 
 To Graham, who stutters 
 
 Of frigates and cutters, 
 And Campbell the Prince of Qui Tarn, Tain, 
 And Campbell the Prince of Qui Tain. 
 
THE ADIEUS OP WESTMINSTER. 227 
 
 We're parted for ever, John Cam, John Cam, 
 We're parted for ever, John Cam ; 
 
 You can't think — oh heavens ! 
 
 With tall Colonel Evans— 
 You can't think how happy I am, am, 
 You can't think how happy I am 1 
 
XXXIII. 
 THIRTY-TWO AND THIRTY-THREE. 
 
 [22nd May, 1833. On the 13th a mass meeting had been called 
 in Cold Bath Eields " to form a National Convention," with a view 
 to protest against the Assessed Taxes, and other grievances. 
 James Lee proposed '• that Mr. Mee should take the chair." The 
 meeting was then dispersed by the police, one of whom was mur- 
 dered with a stiletto. The Coroner's jury found a verdict of Justi- 
 fiable Homicide, which was afterwards quashed in the Court of 
 King's Bench, as being flagrantly against the weight of evidence. 
 But the murderer was acquitted by a j ury. — Lord Milton, eldest 
 son of Lord Eitzwilliam, was squibbed by Praed soon after, in 
 consequence of a curious error in the new edition of the " Peerage " 
 for 1834, by which, having succeeded to his father's title, he was 
 given the additional step of a Marquisate, with the title of Rock- 
 ingham. See the leading article in the Morning Post of 27th 
 December, 1833 : — 
 
 " Is he the Marquis, or is he the Earl? 
 Wears he the Strawberry? wear3 he the Pearl? 
 Is he the Milton we used to know 
 In the House of Commons long ago — 
 He that exalted on high his horn, 
 And talked of taxes, and talked of corn, 
 Till the Speaker wished he had never bees born? 
 The Milton that sat at our Ministers' backs? 
 The Milton that swore he would pay no tax ? "] 
 
 " Nous avons change tout cela." — Molierk. 
 
THIRTY-TWO AND THIRTY-THREE. 229 
 
 I often think it's very strange 
 
 That people are so very slow 
 In finding out how all things change 
 
 Which mortals think, or feel, or know. 
 What fools have done, they still will do ; 
 
 What fools have been, they still will be ; 
 As if the world of thirty-two 
 
 Had been the world of thirty-three. 
 
 When wise Lord Milton fiercely screamed 
 
 " No taxes till the Bill is law," 
 To all the Whigs Lord Milton seemed 
 
 The noblest lord they ever saw : 
 At Michaelmas, if I and you 
 
 Should plead, my friends, Lord Milton's plea, 
 As he was puffed in thirty-two 
 
 We shan't be puffed in thirty-three. 
 
 Where patriots met a year ago 
 
 To wave their hats, and strain their throats, 
 Lord Althorp took his pen, you know, 
 
 And wrote them vastly civil notes ; 
 But bless us, if a chosen few 
 
 Are found admiring Lee and Mee, 
 They feel the thanks of thirty-two 
 
 Are turned to thumps in thirty-three. 
 
230 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Of old, when long petitions came 
 
 From Tom and Dick, who brew and bake. 
 We used to hear the Press proclaim 
 
 That all the nation was awake. 
 If Dick and Tom, who bake and brew, 
 
 To-day petition to be free, 
 " The nation " roared in'thirty-two, 
 
 It's just " the mob " in thirty-three. 
 
 Our Pyms and Hampdens made their bow 
 
 To millions, or to myriads, then ; 
 But Lord ! they only babble now 
 
 To half-a-score of drunken men. 
 Then, nothing into numbers grew ; 
 
 Now, numbers into nothing flee : 
 For one was ten in thirty-two, 
 
 And ten are one in thirty-three. 
 
 What fairy with her liquid song — 
 
 What sorcerer with his mystic spell 
 Turns wrong to right, and right to wrong, 
 
 And Hell to Heaven, and Heaven to Hell ? 
 Brougham says — and what Brougham says, is 
 true — 
 
 " Don't marvel at the things you see ; 
 For we were Whigs in thirty-two, 
 
 And we are Whigs in thirty-three ! " 
 
XXXIY. 
 
 THE WASHING OF THE BLACKAMOOR. 
 
 [24th May, 1833. "These verses," Praed wrote, " were licked 
 into shape by me from a very rude sketch, by I know not whom." 
 — Mr. Stanley, at the Colonial Office, found himself called on to 
 settle the difficult question of the compensation to be granted for 
 Slavery in the West Indies. His first proposal was for a loan of 
 fifteen millions to the slave owners, to be repaid in some fashion 
 by deductions from the wages of the slaves when free. Eventually 
 the fifteen millions were increased to twenty, and the loan con- 
 verted into a grant. — Sir T. Fowell Buxton succeeded Brougham as 
 the leader of the Anti-Slavery party. — Dr. Lushington, afterwards 
 the Dean of Arches, was a consistent Abolitionist. — The "youthful 
 Tully"is Macaulay ; the story how he tendered his resignation 
 iu July is well told in his biography by Sir George Trevelyan. — 
 Lord Howick resigned his office, that of Under Secretary of State 
 for the Colonies, on similar grounds with Macaulay, objecting to 
 the intermediate apprenticeship, and opposing the resolutions in 
 which Stanley embodied his plan.] 
 
 • " Vivant qui nigra in Candida vertunt." — Juv. 
 
 There was a little man, 
 And he had a little plan 
 To set the West Indies all right, ; 
 
232 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And quoth he, " The House I'll teach 
 In a pretty little speech, 
 How to wash the Blackamoor white, 0." 
 
 There was a House wherein 
 Were Fielden, Faithfull, Finn, 
 
 And they listened with infinite delight, 0, 
 When in Biblical quotation 
 He breathed his expectation 
 
 Of washing the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
 There was a grave philosopher 
 Who vowed the plan to toss over, 
 
 Which seemed all his visions to blight, ; 
 Fowell Buxton was his name, 
 And he muttered " Fie for shame ! 
 
 This won't wash the Blackamoor white, 0." 
 
 There was Lushington, the Doctor, 
 That very learned Proctor 
 
 Who in speaking spits fire and spite, ; 
 He at this was discontented, 
 And to nothing less assented 
 
 TLan washing the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
THE WASHING OF THE BLACKAMOOR. 233 
 
 There was a youthful Tully, 
 
 Determined not to sully 
 His laurels so green and so bright, ; 
 
 And he sighed, " With heartfelt sorrow 
 
 I must leave my place to-morrow, 
 If you won't wash the Blackamoor white, 0." 
 
 There was a lord, sad-hearted 
 
 Since from office he departed, 
 And he rose in a melancholy plight, 0, 
 
 To say that he had rather 
 
 Go himself and teach his father 
 How to wash the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
 There was a band which marched, 
 Four hundred, stiff and starched, 
 
 To Downing Street, to fight the good fight, ; 
 Saints, sinners, all came forth, 
 From the south and from the north, 
 
 All to wash the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
 There was a private room 
 
 Where they laboured to illume 
 Dark councils with sparks of new light, 0; 
 
 And stunned the Administration 
 
 With excommunication, 
 If it wouldn't wash the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
234 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 There was a mortgage deed, 
 
 As fair a thing to read 
 As ever a lawyer could write, ; 
 
 But the parchment, people say, 
 
 Lighted fires for Brougham and Grey, 
 While they washed the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
 There was a merchant ship 
 
 Returning from a trip, 
 And her owner was sad at the sight, ; 
 
 Despairing of Barbadoes, 
 
 For rum and muscovadoes, 
 After washing the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
 There was a hungry nation, 
 Which heard with much vexation 
 
 That her ministers meant, if they might, 0, 
 To tack to that long debt of hers 
 The price of Stanley's metaphors, 
 
 And of washing the Blackamoor white, 0. 
 
XXXV. 
 MR. LITTLETON'S FRIENDSHIP. 
 
 [4th June, 1833. In place of Sir John Cam Hobhouse, an Irish 
 Secretary was, after some difficulty, found in Mr. Walhouse 
 Littleton, 31. P. for Staffordshire, who was married to a daugh- 
 ter of the Marquess Wellesley, now Yiceroy, and gave dinner 
 parties in Grosvenor Place. He made a mess of it, five times as 
 great as that made by any other Englishman who has ever been 
 Irish Secretary, one resulting in the total retirement of his chief, 
 Earl Grey, from politics. He was then made a peer, with all decent 
 precipitation, in May 1835. — Mr. Kennedy, a representative of 
 Scottish interests in the Ministry, is memorable chiefly as having 
 survived long enough to contradict Lord Brougham's accounts of 
 transactions in which he was concerned. — Mr. Spring Bice, after- 
 wards Lord Mcnteagle of Brandon, was now Secretary of the 
 Treasury. — Dr. Doyle was the Catholic Archbishop of Dublin.] 
 
 " He proceeded to explain the motives which had led him most reluct- 
 antly to accept office ; it was solely on public grounds, and to relieve 
 the JILnistry from the embarrassment in which they were then placed." 
 
 Report of Mr. Littleton's Speech. 
 
 On yes, the gentleman has place, 
 
 The gentleman has pay ; 
 His worth has found its proper grace 
 
 With Althorp, Brougham, and Grey ; 
 
236 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 But don't suspect the patriot cares 
 
 For any private ends ; 
 For — hear him — hear him — he declares 
 
 It's all to serve his friends. 
 
 Pert Kennedy looks wondrous blue J 
 
 Spring Rice detests a mob ; 
 There's nobody disposed to do 
 
 This pretty Irish job : 
 O'er all the Whigs in Downing Street, 
 
 A sudden fate impends ; 
 Our member has a nice snug seat, 
 
 Why mayn't he serve his friends ? 
 
 Alas, it is a weary toil 
 
 To find a proper man 
 To break a lance with Doctor Doyle, 
 
 To change a cuff with Dan ! 
 A luckless life the man will lead 
 
 Whom Grey to Dublin sends ! 
 He would refuse — he would indeed— 
 
 Except to serve his friends. 
 
 You see, in country and in town — 
 
 I own it, if I must— 
 They're tearing Althorp's picture down, 
 
 And breaking Russell's bust ; 
 
MR. LITTTLETON'S FRIENDSHIP. 237 
 
 When far and near there's hardly one 
 
 Who likes them or defends, 
 How kind of Mr. Littleton 
 
 To go and serve his friends I 
 
 We want the good to come to pass 
 
 They promised vis last year ; 
 We want to see through cheaper glass, 
 
 To swallow cheaper beer. 
 But never mind, our idle whim 
 
 Our member's taste offends ; 
 What are our little wants to him ? 
 
 He wants to serve his friends. 
 
 Some day, no doubt, they'll pay the debt 
 
 Which they're incurring now ; 
 Some day he'll wear a coronet 
 
 Upon his lordly brow ; 
 Though Kadicals and Tories sneer, 
 
 The country comprehends 
 That whenso'er he's made a Peer, 
 
 'Twill be — to serve his friends. 
 
XXXVI. 
 THE REMONSTRANCE. 
 
 [9th November, 1833. In the Times of October 28 is a report 
 extracted from a Durham paper, describing how Mr. Attwood, 
 M.P. for Birmingham, the President of the Northern Political 
 Union, indignant at being ignored by the Committee who were 
 preparing a banquet at Gateshead to Lord Durham, organized an 
 open-air meeting, and prepared a long address of an unfriendly 
 character to his lordship. Mr. Attwood and his friends got into 
 the Hotel Committee room just before dinner-time, and tried to 
 read the address through. Poor Lord Durham was reduced to 
 claiming " the protection of the Committee."— Mr. Attwood's 
 account appeared in other papers.— Mr. Hutt, M.P. for Hull, and 
 Mr. "VV. H. Ord, M.P. for Newport, were among those who, as 
 Praed writes in a note, " supported the noble Earl on this distress- 
 ing occasion." 
 
 In this month Edward M. Pitzgerald put out a series of squibs 
 in the Morning Post, which there is some difficulty in distinguish- 
 ing from Praed's. They are: 16th November, Not Guilty; 18th, 
 The Midnight Cabinet; 20th, A Whig a la Ude; 23rd, Cadeaux 
 from Calcutta; 29th, Thoughts on a lately Published Pamphlet (this 
 is known to be by Pitzgerald, on Praed's authority) ; December 
 13th, Give me the Penny Cup! January 1st, 1831, Thirty-three and 
 Thirty-four (this Praed disclaimed). Of these, the first, second, 
 sixth and seventh are close imitations of Praed's style, and the 
 fourth and fifth of Thomas Moore's. Perhaps it was in connection 
 with this circumstance that Praed, contrary to his usual custom, 
 signed No. XXXVL, with a =]. 
 
THE REMONSTRANCE. 239 
 
 "He added, in agitated but emphatic tones, «Mr. Attwood, I have 
 not deserved this from y.oul ' "See Mb. Attwood's account of the Skirmish 
 at Gateshead. 
 
 Mr. Attwood — we're going to dinner ; 
 
 Mr. Attwood — the time, and the place ! 
 Mr. Attwood — as I am a sinner, 
 
 The thing is too long for a grace. 
 Ten columns ! it's out of the question ; 
 
 Go out, Mr. Attwood, pray do ; 
 You'll ruin his lordship's digestion ! 
 
 He has not deserved it of you ! 
 
 The voice of the people, Heaven bless it, 
 
 Is sweet to us all, as you know ; 
 But, really sometimes, we confess it, 
 
 It's terribly mal-cl-jv^os : 
 To-morrow, no doubt, he'll be able 
 
 To talk with you, many or few ; 
 But just when the turtle's on table — - 
 
 He has not deserved it of you. 
 
 You see there are gentlemen present 
 
 Who have come to our party from far ; 
 Consider — it's vastly unpleasant — 
 
 Consider how hungry they are ! 
 From Newport and Hull they have posted, 
 
 With speeches, and appetites too ; 
 They came to be toasted, not roasted — 
 
 He has not deserved it of you ! 
 
24:0 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEJIS. 
 
 Last year, when your orators spouted, 
 
 They spouted in rapture his fame ; 
 Last year, when your multitudes shouted, 
 
 They shouted in riot his name ; 
 Last year you came up with caresses ; 
 
 Last year you were licking his shoe ; 
 Away with your ill-bred addresses 1 
 
 He has not deserved it of you 1 
 
 And surely you'll listen to reason ! 
 
 Who is it you come to put dowu ] 
 The noblest of traders in treason, 
 
 The first of the foes of the Crown ; 
 The pilot who sits in the steerage 
 
 With Faithf ulls and Finns for his crew ; 
 His lordship — the Hunt of the Peerage — 
 
 He has not deserved it of you ! 
 
 Oh never ! Lord Durham has others 
 
 To censure, to scorn, to condemn ; 
 But you, his dear friends and sworn brothers, 
 
 Should never take service with them. 
 The good may despise and detest him, 
 
 The honest, the loyal, the true ; 
 But why should the traitors molest him 1 
 
 He has not deserved it of you 1 
 
XXXVII. 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 
 
 NO. I. 
 
 [11th November, 1833. — Mr. De Vear was the proposer of Sir 
 J. C. Hohhouse at the Election. — " The Borough," in the talk of 
 those days, was not Southwark, but Westminster. — Lord Durham, 
 in his Gateshead speech, which contained a good deal of personal 
 matter, set himself to reveal, as a matter of historical interest, 
 that his father-in-law had, immediately after the formation of 
 his Ministry, entrusted to him, personally, the preparation of 
 the Reform Bill. In this task, he added, he had been " assisted 
 with advice " by Lord John Russell, Sir James Graham, and Lord 
 Duncannon. — Mr. Charles Wood was now Treasury Whip. 
 
 These pieces were accompanied with burlesque prefaces and 
 notes by the author.] 
 
 " We have often been reproached for the unkindness of our allusions to 
 Lord John Russell's poetical works. We confess we do think Don Carlos 
 the worst tragedy extant, and we never found anybody of a different 
 opinion, except one sallow gentleman who writes in the Edinburgh Be- 
 view, and visits occasionally at Holland House. But we readily admit 
 that many of his lordship's unpublished jeux d'esprit and vert de tocieii 
 possess merit ; and we are willing to make amends to the noble lord by 
 presenting a few of them to the public. The affectionate pathos of the 
 following stanzas, which were addressed to the late member for West- 
 minster, on his retiring from place and parliament, has made them very 
 popular in fashionable circles." 
 
 16 
 
242 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 OH SNATCHED AWAY IX THY FIEST 
 QTJABTEB. 1 
 
 On snatched away in thy first quarter, 2 
 We have for thee nor star nor garter ; 
 
 But Grey and Brougham make jests about 
 Thy taking in and turning out, 
 
 And call thee, in the Cabinet, their Martyr. 
 
 And in the Borough, where our game 3 
 Is all at sixes and at sevens, 
 
 De Year, deep fellow, sings thy fame, 4 
 
 And swears he'll move the earth, the heavens ! 5 
 As if there were a chance with Colonel Evans ! 
 
 1 Note by Lord John RiweU. — I am indebted for the idea of these stanzas 
 to one of the Hebrew Melodies. I mention it that the reader may see my 
 melody is as much superior to Byron's, as my play was to Schiller's. 
 
 " Oh snatched away in Beauty's bloom," etc. 
 
 2 Note by Mr. Joseph Uume.— Sii John appears to have held the Irish 
 Secretaryship for thirty-three days. The salary of the office being 
 £5,500 per annum, the baronet will be found to have earned £197 5.*. 4i i 
 — errors excepted. 
 
 3 Note by Lord Althorp. — This is a mistake. In many parts of the 
 country, I must candidly confess, the late Act rendered game scarce. 
 But in Westminster I may venture to assure my noble friend it can 
 have done little harm, because, in point of fact, for many years there 
 has been in Westminster no game at all. But His Majesty's Govern- 
 ment will not oppose the appointment of a committee to inquire into the 
 subject. 
 
 Note by Sir Francis Burdett.— It is no mistake at all. 
 * Note by dear De Tear. — I never sing. 
 ' Note by ditto. — I never swear. 
 
THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 243 
 
 Away ! We know we've lost our Hobby ; 
 
 We know close seats exist no longer ; 1 
 Will this console us in the lobby, 
 
 Or make Wood's list one vote the stronger ? 
 And thou — who laughest at my vapours — 
 Thyself art packing up thy papers ! 2 
 
 1 Note by the Duke of Bedford ami Earl Fitz William.— Pooh ! 
 
 'Note by Earl Durham. — This apostrophe is addressed to me. The 
 papers alluded to are the rough drafts of the Clauses of the Reform Bill, 
 the preparation of which was entrusted to me by my noble father- 
 in-law. 
 
 Note by Mr. Joseph Kume.—l suspect that Lord Durham's share in the 
 Reform Bill will tarn out a moste Mrs. 
 
XXXVIIL 
 THE KUSSELL MELODIES. 
 
 NO. II. 
 
 [13th November. 1833. — Mr. Manners Sutton was Speaker, and Mr. 
 Bernal, as above noticed, Chairman of Committees. — The Quarterly 
 Reviewer of Miss Burney's " Memoirs of Dr. Burney," was John 
 Wilson Croker ; his meritorious but not always well-guided zeal 
 for accuracy in small matters of fact was said to be especially 
 stimulated by the prospect of proving that a lady had under- 
 stated her age. See Macaulay's Review of the Diary of Miss 
 Burney (Madame D'Arblay), a book published ten years later.] 
 
 " We are happy to learn that our commencement of this series of 
 papers has delighted, in no ordinary degree, the friends of the noble 
 poet, to whose effusions we thus give a circulation which his own amiable 
 diffidence would have denied them. " Oh matched away," has already.been 
 set tomusic by a distinguished amateur composer ; audacertain secretary 
 of State, residing not twenty miles from Carlton Gardens, has been 
 heard to say that the Russell Melodies deserve a second reading much 
 better than the Russell Bills. Encouraged by these circumstances, we 
 present to our readers a second selection from the MSS. entrusted to us, 
 a selection made, of course, in compliment to the not unnatural prefer- 
 ence of the illustrious author, since it cannot be expected that we should 
 sympathize in the exultation he expresses upon the event which is his 
 theme." 
 
THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 245 
 
 ODE ON THE PASSING OF THE REFORM 
 EILL. 1 
 
 'Tis done ! I have finished my monument now ; 
 
 What tidings of transport for Sutton and Bernal ! 
 Take the brass — all the brass — of the chancellor's brow, 
 
 You won't build a monument half so eternal. 
 
 'Tis as tall as a pyramid — wonderful edifice — 
 
 Though it threatens the stars — (see the book of 
 Belzoni) ; 
 'Tis as tall as Lord Grey, though that classical head 
 of his 
 Brushes down a nice star, now and then, for a 
 crony. 2 
 
 1 Note by Lord John Russell, — As in ms - Don Carlos I imitated Schiller, 
 aud in my Reform Bdl took a leaf from the Abbe 1 Sieyes, I have, in the 
 following stanzas, appropriated many ideas, without hesitation, from 
 one of the Odes of old Horace. The Roman poet has been accused of 
 vanity in the a| plication of extravagant panegyric to his own works. 
 If such an imputation is cast upon me, I answer briefly that, except by 
 a poetical licence, I am not the author of the Ref >rm Bill ; it was framed 
 by Lord Durham ; Sir James Graham and Lord Dancannon were con- 
 sulted by him on some important points. For my own part, I gave 
 h m advice upon nothing, except a trifling matter connected with the 
 well-doing of the borough of Tavistock. I may venture to subjoin 
 Horace's Ode, since, under the Reform Act, all country gentlemen 
 understand Latin : — 
 
 " Exegi monumentum sere perennius," etc. 
 
 *Note by Esq.— I was in the Fifth Form at Eton with the 
 
 First Lord of Treasury. I remember his making a pun about an often- 
 quoted line— Stella- */>o>ite gua jussmne cagentur et erreut. — "The question 
 don't admit of discussion," said he; "the Stars would be good for 
 nothing without the Orders ! " 
 
246 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 It shall last, for the weal and the strength of the 
 nation, 
 Unharmed by the changes of destiny's weather ; 
 No flight of the times shall impair its foundation, 1 
 While Hume and the tides go on moving 
 together. 
 
 And me, its wise author, the world shall remember, 
 As long as a talkative mayor shall preside 
 
 At Guildhall, o'er the turtle and toasts, in November, 
 With a mute Lady Mayoress perched by his side. 
 
 Of me they shall say on the banks of the Tweed, 
 Of me they shall say on the banks of the 
 Shannon, 
 " Lord John, whom we used to think little indeed, 
 But who grew a great man by the help of Dun 
 cannon, 2 
 
 " To his praise be it told, was the first to bring over 
 A new and original French Constitution, 
 
 1 Note by a poor Author. — Horace did not live in the days of newspaper 
 criticism, or lie would not have been so bold as Lord John. A flight of 
 the Times is a very serious thing. 
 
 2 Note by Lord Duncannon. — England will understand, sooner or later, 
 how much she owes me. Ostensibly, indeed, I am content to be, like 
 the chaste Diana, Silvarum potens. First Commissioner of Woods and 
 Forests ; but I am more than meets the eye ; " no waiter, but a Knijjht 
 Templar ; " a Legislator in disguise — a Lycurgus under a domino. 
 Lord Durham can explain this. 
 
THE RUSSELL MELODIES, 247 
 
 Importing the treasure from Calais to Dover 
 On board of His Majesty's ship Revolution" 
 
 Oh crown me, M elpomene, nymph of sad numbers ! * 
 Though over my play, if you ever begin it, 
 
 You slumber as sound as the President slumbers 2 
 At the Board of Control, o'er an eloquent minute, 
 
 Yet crown me with laurel ; to-night at Old Drury 
 You may look at a case like my own, if you will ; 
 
 The play is but so-so ; yet let me assure ye, 
 
 You'll find some magnificent things in the Bill ! 
 
 1 Note hy the Quarterly Reviewer of Migs Barney's Memoirs. — We have 
 found in the Registry of the Parish of Parnassus, that this "nymph," 
 the daughter of Thespis and Mnemosyne, was baptized B.C. S39; so 
 that she was two thousand three hundred and seventy -two years old 
 when this Ode was composed. 
 
 a Note by one of the Commig>ioners of the Boari of Control. — The TU. 
 Hon. Charles Grant is a psychological curiosity. He is the drowsiest 
 philosopher of his own or of any day. He writes in his sleep, reads in 
 his sleep, eats in his sleep, drinks in his sleep. He sleeps at the Board, 
 he sleeps in the house, Tie sleeps at Court, and he sleeps in the Cabinet. 
 He sleeps while you talk to him, and he sleeps while he talks to you. 
 He is the seven sages and the seven sleepers m his own proper person. 
 
XXXIX. 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 
 
 NO. III. 
 
 [20th January, 1834. — The Penny Cups, purchased by subscrip- 
 tion in London, were presented to Lord Althorp, Lord Grey, and 
 Lord John Russell. Fitzgerald's best piece, of those above- 
 mentioned (see Note on No. XXXVI. ), is an appeal from Lord 
 Durham to Lord John, to make over the trophy to himself. — Lord 
 Grey was now tired of office, and unwilling to meet Parliament 
 again ; but was persuaded to remain by a round robin from 
 Ministers, which is printed in Lord Brougham's Memoirs. — The 
 allusion in the prefatory remarks to Lord Althorp refers to his 
 recent Bank Charter Act and speech on proposing it ; by this 
 measure the notes of the Bank of England were made a legal 
 tender for amounts of rive pounds and upward]. 
 
 " We do not know by what negligence on our part it has happened 
 that this interesting series has been so long discontinued. We were 
 reminded of our error on Saturday by the circulation of the little 
 effusion which we present to our readers to-day. It has been composed 
 by the noble author on occasion of the expressed disposition of Lord 
 Grey to escape from the fatigues of office ; and we are assured that the 
 strong path' s with which it has been sung to the noble Lord by the 
 var ; ous members of his family who are qualified to take part in it, has 
 produced a wonderfully tranquillizing effect upon the Premier's mind. 
 We do not flatter the author of Don Carlos too much, when we express 
 our conviction that the present stay of Earl Grey in office is attributable 
 not more to the favour of his Sovereign, or the cordiality of his col- 
 leagues, than to the seduct ve harmony of the Russell Melodies, No. III. 
 
THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 249 
 
 "We omit the variorum notes. The little poem is sufficiently intelli- 
 gible without them, and their insertion would trench too much upon 
 our space. Selection is an invidious task; if we take one note, we 
 are forced to take as many as are brought to us. The Chancellor of 
 the Exchequer denies this ; but we think him wrong." 
 
 FLY NOT YET. 
 
 Fly not yet ! We're all agreed 
 That office, like a noxious weed 
 Which nicer taste rejects, disdains, 
 Grows sweeter for its stings and stains 
 
 To Goderich, Grant and Co. 
 'Twas but that we might hold it fast, 
 The Bill, the glorious Bill, was passed, 
 For whose fourscore immortal clauses 
 The people gave three penny vases ; 
 
 Oh stay ! oh stay ! 
 Whigs so often vainly long 
 For pay and place, that oh, 'twere wrong 
 
 So soon to let them go. 
 
 Fly not yet ! The thief that stood 
 Of yore beneath the fatal wood 
 Now tried the rope, now paced the cart, 
 But seemed unwilling to depart 
 
 When the doomed hour was near ; 
 And thus a Whig, much cuffed about, 
 Will often talk of " going out ; " 
 
250 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Will hint he's done — will vow he'll do it, 
 But will not, till they drive him to it. 
 
 Oh stay ! oh stay ! 
 When did Premier ere bring in 
 So many of his kith and kin, 
 
 To serve their country here 1 
 
XL. 
 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 
 
 [25th January, 1834.— Compare No. XXIY., and Part III. Xo. III. 
 Of the M.P.s mentioned in this piece Mr. James Halse was Praed's 
 successful antagonist in the contested election of 1832. Mr. Ross 
 was the Conservative Whip, and had been Praed's colleague in the 
 representation of St. Germains. Maurice and Morgan O'Connell 
 ■were both joints in their father's "tail."] 
 
 " In the Ode which we select for the fourth number of the Russell Melo- 
 dies, the noble author imitates the spirited remonstrance addressed by 
 Horace to the Roman coquette Barine. Horace complains that the 
 adoration which is still offered to the false flirt, in spite of her repeated 
 perfidies and perjuries, makes him doubt the existence of a retributive 
 Providence. We think the noble author, in many recent examples of 
 popular profligacy, has good grounds for questioning the existence of 
 any sense of j ustice or feeling of decency, in the minds of those by whom 
 praise or blame is in our times awarded to political character. 
 
 " Lord Palmerston is utterly unable to inform us to what noble lord his 
 friend's stanzas are addressed." 
 
 ODE TO A NOBLE LOLD. 
 
 If yon, my dear lord, Lad been ever the worsa 
 For the profligate things you have done ; 
 
 If the title you bear were a scoff and a curse 
 To the scribes of the Times and the Sun, 
 
252 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Perhaps I might learn, in your sorrow and shame, 
 
 Whate'er the Rotunda might say, 
 To fancy consistency more than a name, 
 
 And truth a good thing in its way. 
 
 But you — when you've babbled your jests and your 
 gibes 
 
 At all that you've lived by for years, 
 When you've shuddered at sinecures, shivered at 
 bribes, 
 
 And shaken your head at the Peers, 
 Go back to your seat amid shouts of applause 
 
 In every possible tone, 
 And your principles seem to the friends of our cause 
 
 As pure, I suspect, as my own. 
 
 It's a glory for you to be racking your biuins 
 
 In showing to Pease and to Prynie 
 That Englishmen used to wear infamous chains 
 
 In Pitt's and in Percival's time ; 
 In proving of taxes and proving of trade 
 
 Whatever you used to deny, 
 And sneering at blunders by Castlereagh made 
 
 Since he cannot get up to reply- 
 
 B i"l.t Yenus. vou know, my lord, laughs from above 
 At the sad things her votaries do ; 
 
THE KUSSELL MELODIES. 253 
 
 And surely, the falsehoods we pardon in love 
 
 May be pardoned in politics too ; 
 For the ribbands — the garters love maddens to touch, 
 
 Ambition as gracefully kneels, 
 And lovers don't long for their letters so much 
 
 As ministers long for their seals 1 
 
 Hail, light of the House ! The new Parliament men 
 
 Support you in all you have done ; 
 The old, though they meant to be going at ten, 
 
 Say " Aye " to your motion at one ; 
 The well-studied trope, which with Calvert succeeds, 
 
 As surely with Codrington thrives, 
 And the " Hear " is as loud from your Marshall of 
 Leeds, 
 
 As it is from your Halse of St. Ives. 
 
 When ycu say "Mr. Speaker," and stand on the floor, 
 
 And wave your rhetorical wrist, 
 Poor Eoss in despair hurries down to the door, 
 
 And mournfully looks at his list ; 
 At the sound of your voice, at the beam of your 
 smile, 
 
 The Big Beggarman is aghast; 
 Such wisdom, such wit, he's afraid, will beguile 
 
 His Maurice and Morgan at last. 
 
XLI. 
 THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 
 
 NO. V. 
 
 [8th March, 1834.— 'In introducing the Reform Bill, Lord John 
 said, "He believed the legitimate influence of wealth and station 
 would always remain, and that such legitimate influence was all 
 that should remain." — The adventures of Sir John Campbell, the 
 Solicitor-General, in search of a seat, are the theme of three of these 
 pieces, which the author seems to have thought, in reviewing them, 
 a disproportionate allowance. See Nos. L., LI. — On the 1st March 
 Sir John accepted the Attorney-Generalship, which vacated his 
 seat at Dudley. On the 4th he was defeated at the poll, his 
 defeat being attended with a serious election riot. Morpeth and 
 Tiverton were suggested for him ; Malton fell to Sir C. C. Pepys, 
 the new Solicitor-General. Campbell finally obtained a seat at 
 Edinburgh], 
 
 " The Bill was not intended to destroy the legitimate influence of 
 property." — Speeches of Lord John RueseU (patsim). 
 
 Sir John to Dudley is gone away 
 With a confident tone, and a visage gay ; 
 Sir John from Dudley is coming back, 
 With an altered tone, and a visage black ; 
 The dolts at Dudley are very dense, 
 . And deaf to " legitimate influence." 
 
THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 255 
 
 How shall we manage their fault to mend ? 
 The Earl Fitzwilliam is my friend ; 
 Though Wetherell scold, though Croker scoff, 
 We'll send the knight in his chariot off; 
 At Malton none are known to fence 
 Against " legitimate influence." 
 
 If Earl Fitzwilliam will not smile, 
 
 I have a colleague, Lord Carlisle ; 
 
 He knows, I fancy, a thing or two 
 
 Of what the folk at Morpeth do ; 
 
 They have a horror of pounds and pence, 
 
 But a taste for " legitimate influence." 
 
 If Lord Carlisle will not be won, 
 
 I am his Grace of Bedford's son ; 
 
 Our own ten-pounders in the West 
 
 Will be happy to see their learned guest ; 
 
 Tavistock men are men of sense ; 
 
 They love " legitimate influence." 
 
 For true Reformers there will be 
 
 In Downing Street a jubilee, 
 
 When the champion proud of Freedom's cause 
 
 Shall come to manufacture laws, 
 
 Chosen — no matter how or whence — 
 
 M.P. for " legitimate influence." 
 
XLII. 
 THE KUSSELL MELODIES. 
 
 NO. VI. 
 
 [19th March, 1834.— The Bishop of Chichester was Dr. Maltby. 
 He was made comfortable by a translation to Durham, in 1836. — 
 Lord Brougham was credited with a desire to break up the 
 Ministry and extrude Lord Grey with a view to his own succession. 
 At least, some utterances of his in the Court of Chancery, cha- 
 racteristic of his perpetual restlessness, were so construed.] 
 
 " The poem we present to our readers to-day, is one in which the 
 noble author invites the First Lord of the Treasury to dinner, in a loose 
 imitation of Horace's pretty Ode, ' (Eli, vetusto nobilis ab Laruo.' 
 
 " We have formerly illustrated his lordship's adaptations from the 
 classics by quotations from the originals. Some of our fair readers have 
 been angry with us for this ; but their frowns would scarcely have moved 
 m to substitute the clumsy English of Francis for the exquisite Latin of 
 Horace, if a more reverend adviser had not supported their petition. 
 The Bishop of Chichester assures us ' he cannot be comfortable without 
 a translation.' " 
 
 Illustrious Premier ! noble Peer, 1 
 Whose family will live in story, 2 
 
 1 " ffilius, whose ancient lineage springs, 
 
 From Lamus,'' . . . 
 a " From whom the illustrious race arose," etc. 
 
THE RUSSELL MELODIES. 257 
 
 While yon Red Book from year to year 
 Immortalizes Whig and Tory, 
 
 (Since in that wondrous book to-day 
 
 We scarcely read of any others, 
 As touching power, or tasting pay, 
 
 But Earl Grey's sons, and Earl Grey's brothers), 
 
 Next spring — if any part is true 1 
 
 Of what that arch wag, Brougham, is croak- 
 ing 
 In his dark Court, of me and you, 
 
 With malice that is quite provoking — 
 
 Next spring we must, alas ! give o'er 
 Our pretty plans, our pleasant places ; 
 
 And hide, upon Life's weedy shore, 2 
 Our most uncomfortable faces. 
 
 Let us be merry, ere our sin 
 By such rebuke is overtaken ; 
 
 1 " If the old shower-foretelling crow 
 Croak not her boding note in vain." 
 
 * " To-morrow's eastern storm shall strew 
 
 with weeds the shore." 
 
 17 
 
258 OCCASIONAL AND POLITICAL POEMS. 
 
 Bring Wood x — to tell ns, with a grin, 
 How vastly well we've saved our bacon ', 2 
 
 The Grants shall join us, half alive ; 3 
 
 Tired Melbourne shall tie up his knocker ; 
 
 And dear dim Althorp shall contrive 
 To steal one afternoon from Cocker. 
 
 1 " Then pile the wood while yet you may." 
 " " Feast upon the fatted swine." 
 * " Give to your slaves one idle day ' 
 
XLIII. 
 MAXIMS. 
 
 [We return to the 16th January, 1834, for the date o this piece. 
 Lord Auckland was President of the Board of Trade, but he com- 
 bined with this office the Mastership of the Mint, which had been 
 the subject of a reform in 1831, whereby the Tories had diminished 
 the salary from £3,000 to £2,000. It was, after all, little more 
 than a dignified sinecure]. 
 
 " Lord Auckland is understood to be appointed permanently on con- 
 stitutional grounds."— Globe, January 14th. 
 
 If a Tory is ever found out 
 
 In pocketing twenty pence, 
 The thing is a job, no doubt ; 
 
 It admits of no defence : 
 If a Whig has the luck to secure 
 
 Some twenty thousand pounds, 
 It is all arranged, be sure, 
 
 On "Constitutional grounds." 
 
 If a Tory dares distrust 
 
 The faith of our fiercest foe, 
 
260 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Suspicion is quite unjust, 
 And jealousy vastly low : 
 
 If a Whig with a bold blockade 
 Our ancient friend confounds, 
 
 It is done for the good of trade, 
 On " Constitutional grounds." 
 
 If a Tory punishes crimes 
 
 In Kerry or in Clare, 
 The wisdom of the Times 
 
 Proclaims it quite unfair : 
 If a Whig with a troop of horse 
 
 The Murphys and Macs astounds, 
 He cuts and thrusts, of course, 
 
 On " Constitutional grounds." 
 
 If a Tory gives a place 
 
 To a nephew, or a son, 
 Good lack ! a thing so base 
 
 Was never, never done ! 
 Tf a Whig with his countless kin 
 
 The nation's purse surrounds, 
 They slip their fingers in 
 
 On " Constitutional grounds." 
 
 Then take, my lord, oh take 
 The gift the Greys provide, 
 
MAXIMS. 261 
 
 For the Constitution's sake, 
 
 And for no end beside ; 
 And think, on quarter-day, 
 
 Of the friend who thus expounds 
 The rights of place and pay, 
 
 On " Constitutional grounds." 
 
XLIV. 
 
 THE SOXG OF THE NUKSE. 
 
 EXTRACTED FROM THE FORTHCOMING EDITION OF 
 
 ''gammer gurton's GARLAND." 
 
 [6th February. 1834. If Lord Melbourne and Lord Duncannon 
 at the time, and Sir George Grey and Sir Charles Wood at a 
 subsequent date, may be considered to have justified the good 
 fortune which partly befell them because they were connected 
 with Earl Grey, the same can hardly be said of Lord Durham, 
 Mr. Ellice. and the rest of the " tribe of fortune," for whose names 
 the " Book of Dignities " and the Peerage may alternately be 
 consulted. The fact was, Lord Grey emerged from an unofficial 
 station, late in life, to be Premier of a ministry and leader of a 
 party composed of untried men. He was of reserved habits, and 
 could work best with the men he knew. A ring was early formed 
 about him, and good things in plenty fell to the members of it. 
 "When they had been satisfied, other appointments were made with 
 more regard to merit than had been usual before his time.] 
 
 Hush, my baby ! if you don't, 
 
 I shall find a way to treat you : 
 Hush, my baby ! if you won't, 
 
 Caller Grey shall come and eat you! 
 Lullaby ! do not cry ! 
 Gaffer Grey is coming by ! 
 
THE SONG OF THE NURSE. 263 
 
 Gaffer Grey has jaws, they say, 
 
 Like a ramping roaring lion ; 
 Masticating every day 
 
 Whatsoe'er he casts his eye on. 
 Lullaby ! etc. 
 
 Greedily he swallows up 
 
 All his friends can buy or borrow ; 
 Bolts to-day a little cup, 
 
 Gulps a long address to-morrow. 
 Lullaby ! .etc. 
 
 Oh the dainties he has got 
 
 In his terrible refectory ! 
 Here a colonelcy, all hot, 
 
 There a nicely roasted rectory." 
 Lullaby ! etc. 
 
 Though its perfume, he protests, 
 
 Is of sulphur and of nitre, 
 He discvisses and digests 
 
 Now and then, a Bishop's mitro. 
 Lullaby I etc. 
 
 Whensoe'er he wags his lip 
 
 Just to chat, or just to chatter, 
 
264 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Down a score of trifles slip, 
 
 No man caring for the matter. 
 Lullaby ! etc. 
 
 Clerkships, lordships, there they are J 
 Half a hundred every quarter; 
 
 Now a ribbon, now a star, 
 
 Here a cross, and there a garter. 
 Lullaby ! etc. 
 
 Pages at the palace say 
 
 They have seen him — sad disaster ! 
 Nibbling all the gems away 
 
 From the sceptre of his master. 
 Lullaby ! etc. 
 
 When good people stop and stare, 
 
 Saying to themselves, " Good gracious ! 
 
 Did we e'er — oh no, we ne'er 
 Saw a creature so voracious 1 *' 
 (Lullaby! etc.) 
 
 Mid the murmurs of the town, 
 On the Times the monster gazes ; 
 
 And, to wash his supper down, 
 Swallows half a pipe of praises. 
 Lullaby 1 etc. 
 
THE SONG OF THE NURSE. 265 
 
 Hush, my baby ! if you don't, 
 
 I shall find a way to treat you : 
 Hush, my baby ! if you won't, 
 
 Gaffer Grey shall come and eat you I 
 Lullaby ! do not cry ! 
 Gaffer Grey is coming by ! 
 
XLV. 
 
 THE STATE OF THE NATION. 
 
 [In an article, well-reasoned but somewhat crudely expressed, 
 which appeared in the Times of 10th March, 1834, there occurred 
 the following passage : — " The tax on bread is a tyranny to which 
 no human society ought to be subjected. Opinions may differ 
 as to the rise or fall of prices after the repeal of this tax ; if they 
 do not fall, the landlords have nothing to deplore ; if a fall has to 
 be the consequence, we are now a trampled nation." This shot 
 was fired in the Morning Post, the day after. — For Buckingham, 
 now M.P. for Sheffield, see Part I. Nos. XX— XXII.— Mr. Gully, 
 M.P. for Pontefract, had been a prizefighter in his youth, and 
 made his money on the turf. — Mr. Pryme founded the Professor- 
 ship of Political Economy at Cambridge, with the condition that 
 he should himself be the first Professor. — Mr. Pease was M.P. for 
 Durham Co. ; for Fielden and Finn, see No. XXIX.] 
 
 " We are now a trampled nation."— Times. 
 
 We Lave been some years reforming, 
 Chattering, cheering, stamping, storming J 
 Cutting bludgeons from the hedges, 
 Asking for all sorts of pledges ; 
 Breaking heads, and. breaking glasses, 
 Calling people knaves and asses ; 
 
THE STATE OF THE NATION. 267 
 
 After all our agitation, 
 
 We are now a " trampled nation " ! 
 
 Mr. Croker's thrusts are parried, 
 Schedules A and B are carried ; 
 "Vain is Wetherell's long alarum, 
 There is no reprieve for Sarum ; 
 All the money in our pockets 
 "Went to purchase squibs and rockets ; 
 Oh, what foolish exultation ! 
 We are still " a trampled nation " 1 
 
 Buckingham is quite a Tully, 
 Solon was a fool to Gully ; 
 Pryme's a lecturer, caught at college*, 
 Pease, a Quaker, full of knowledge ; 
 Fielden is extremely clever, 
 Finn can talk, and talk for ever : 
 What a glorious constellation ! 
 Yet we are " a trampled nation." 
 
 We have got Lord Grey to ease us 
 Of the taxes that displease us ; 
 We have got, besides, some dozens 
 Of his lordship's sons and cousins : 
 
268 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 They are blest with places, pensions, 
 And the very best intentions ; 
 It's against their inclination 
 That we are "a trampled nation." 
 
 We have got the Times adorning 
 Facts with figures every morning ; 
 Now denouncing right and reason, 
 Now defending guilt and treason ; 
 Raving, ranting, blustering, blundering, 
 Pro and con alternate thundering ; 
 It has wondrous circulation ; 
 Why are we " a trampled nation " ? 
 
XLYI. 
 A MEMBER'S MUSINGS. 
 
 [14th March, 1834.] 
 
 «' Lord Althorp made a reply, but, as is almost Invariably the case, the 
 noble lord was perfectly inaudible in the gallery." 
 
 " The reply of the noble lord was again perfectly inaudible to any one 
 in the gallery "—Rouse of Commons! Report, Tuesday, March llth. 
 
 « Order, order ! "— " Bar, bar ! "— " Door, 
 
 door ! " 
 Such are the cries as he stands on the floor, 
 Waving his hand for a little while, 
 And wreathing his lip in a gentle smile : 
 We stoop our head, we strain our ear ; 
 Nobody hears him ; — " Hear, hear, hear ! " 
 
 What is he talking of ? — figures or facts 7 
 
 Liberal principles 1 — Algerine acts % 
 
 The rise of the unions, or of stocks ? 
 
 The weight of the debt, or the last prize ox ? 
 
270 POLITICAL AKS OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Crops or cholera ? — Jews or beer ? 
 
 All of them '. — none of theru ! — " Hear, hear, 
 hear ! " 
 
 Quick is O'Connell in debate ; 
 
 Cunning is Hume to calculate ; 
 
 But Hume and O'Connell their way will miss, 
 
 Trying to answer a speech like this ! 
 
 " When it's a proper time to cheer, 
 
 "Wake me, dear Ellice ! " — " Hear, hear, hear ! " 
 
 There is a lady in a play, 
 
 Who speaks, though she does nothing say ; 
 
 Fortune has brought us a lord in her freaks, 
 
 Who just says nothing, though he speaks. 
 
 What in the papers will appear ? 
 
 Only " Lord Althorp," and < ; Hear, hear, hear ! " 
 
XLYII. 
 
 COUNSELS OF A FATHER TO HIS SON. 
 
 [loth March, 183-4. Lord Plunket was one of the Ecclesiastical 
 Commissioners for Ireland, who reported, in 1831, in favour of the 
 separation of the sis parishes comprised in the Deanery of Down. 
 He appointed his son, the Honourable and Eeverend Robert Plun- 
 ket, to the vacant Deanery the year after. His nepotism had been 
 the subject of a witty and violent attack by Cobbett, in the Politi- 
 cal Register, in which an early speech of his, devoting his children, 
 like Hamilcar, to the contest with England over Catholic Emanci- 
 pation, was very effectively employed against him. On the 11th 
 March Mr. Goulburn called attention to this appointment ; the 
 defence made for Lord Plunket will be fouad in the debates of 
 the 16 th.] 
 
 " Down, Derry Down ! ' — Old Song. 
 
 When I at last shall sleep in peace, 
 
 When life's consumption shall be o'er, 
 When I shall fill that payless place 
 
 Where none shall plot or plunder mure 
 Eemember on what wings I soared 
 
 To infamy's unfading crown, 
 How I became a noble lord, 
 
 Aud you became the Dean of Down. 
 
272 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Professing disregard of self, 
 
 I won the ermine of a Peer ; 
 Avowing carelessness of pelf, 
 
 I earned some thousand pounds a year ; 
 I caught the favours of the Court, 
 
 And seemed as honest as a clown ; 
 And though I fathered a " Eeport," 
 
 I fathered, too, the Dean of Down. 
 
 By turns with every party leagued, 
 
 As each by turns might rise or fall, 
 I bluslered, bullied, schemed, intrigued, 
 
 Was loved by none, was used by all ; 
 Placeman and patriot, both for pay, 
 
 I flinched not from the general frown — ■ 
 I am the Chancellor to-day, 
 
 And you to-day the Dean of Down. 
 
 If I on this world's busy stage 
 
 Had worshipped honour, followed truth, 
 Less praise would gild my hoary age, 
 
 Less hope would greet your sanguine youth. 
 If blameless I my gown had worn, 
 
 I still might wear my plain stuff gown ; 
 If I had shrunk from public scorn, 
 
 You would not be the Dean of Down. 
 
COUNSELS OF A FATHER TO HIS SON. 273 
 
 Go forth and do as I have done, 
 
 Like glory on your pathway shine ; 
 Mine he your principles, my son, 
 
 And be your profits more than mine ; 
 Haste, worthy of your sire's embrace, 
 
 To emulate your sire's renown ; 
 Be false and factious, bold and base, 
 
 And make your son the Dean of Down I 
 
 18 
 
XLVIII. 
 THE WHISPERS OF THE RUE RIVOLI. 
 
 [12th May, 1834. — Some of the prominent Ministerialists had 
 visited Paris during the Whitsvm vacation. Lord Durham was now 
 anxious to return to power, and Mr. Ellice to be in the Cabinet. — 
 "A person discreditably known in the city" — "who ought long 
 ago to have shrunk into privacy " was actual language employed 
 by the Times of the latter, in relation to his concern, with Hume 
 and Bowring, in the affair of the Greek loan (See Part I., No. 
 
 vi.)]. 
 
 " He points to Lord Durham in the salons, and whispers, ' That is the 
 man ! ' " — Morning Post. 
 
 Who will come to the place some day — 
 The pleasant place, where dear Lord Grey 
 Just now so tenderly feeds some dozens 
 Of patriot sons and patriot cousins % 
 Who from the national purse will draw 
 All that is left by his father-in-law 1 
 Who will end what Grey began ? 
 That is the man ! That is the man I 
 
 Who in due time will make of me, 
 Though in the city I may be 
 
THE WHISPERS OF THE RUE RIVOLI. 275 
 
 " Very discreditably known," 
 Because of my share in a certain loan, 
 Who in due time will make me yet 
 A member of the Cabinet, 
 Ruling with him his dark divan ? 
 That is the man ! That is the man 1 
 
 Who, though I ought with Hume and Co. 
 
 To have shrunk into privacy long ago, 
 
 Will bring me the book, over whose long leaves 
 
 Honest Lord Althorp growls and grieves, 
 
 The ledger of the bankrupt state, 
 
 That I may carefully calculate 
 
 And glean from the ruin all I can ? 
 
 That is the man ! That is the man ! 
 
 Who will saunter to Court, and sing 
 A pretty song to our Lord the King, 
 Of peers in treason foul arrayed, 
 Of wicked plots by bishops laid, 
 Of loyalty spouting from Radical Clubs, 
 Of piety driven to preach from tubs 1 
 Who will Royalty's wits trepan ? 
 That is the man ! That is the man 1 
 
 Who by and by, when a maiden Queen 
 Shall on our tottering throne he seen, 
 
276 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 All too weak to stem the storm 
 Which we philosophers call " Reform "- 
 Who will condescend to hold 
 Robe of state and sceptre of gold, 
 Leaving her Majesty frock and fan ? 
 That is the man ! That is the man 1 
 
 Who will abolish the mitre and crown, 
 And pull the Church and the Palace down ? 
 Who will burn, at the public charge, 
 The Bible and Prayer-book and statutes at large ? 
 Who will annul and annihilate quite 
 All the old maxims of wrong and right, 
 And govern the world on a nice new plan? 
 That is the man ! That is the man ! 
 
XLIX. 
 THE FALSE REPORT. 
 
 [17th May, 1831.— The resignations of Mr. Stanley and Sir 
 James Graham were now impending. " The wish was father to 
 the thought," when the Morning Post announced that Lord 
 Palmerston also was believed to be meditating resignation.— The 
 '• old man " is, of course, Talleyrand, still Minister in England for 
 the French Government.] 
 
 " We must condole with the Post. Lord Palmerston has not resigned. ' 
 Globe, May 16th, 1834. 
 
 There's no foundation for the news, 
 
 Whate'er the sanguine Post may say ; 
 England has commerce yet to lose, 
 
 And friendships yet to cast away. 
 Dead are her laurels, dim her fame ; 
 
 But destiny has yet behind 
 A darker doom, a fouler shame ; 
 
 Lord Palmerston has not resigned i 
 
 What happy tidings these must be 
 For all who hate our name and race I 
 
278 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 King Leopold is full of glee, 
 
 Don Pedro wears a cheerful face ; 
 
 And yon old man with ringlets white, 
 The lame, who loves to lead the blind, 
 
 Is merry o'er his cards to-night ; 
 Lord Palmerston has not resigned ! 
 
 The scornful look, the angry tone, 
 
 Are vain in our degenerate days ; 
 Resigned ? Oh no ! high hearts alone 
 
 Can rightly value blame or praise. 
 A nation's sneer, a nation's frown, 
 
 Might awe, might fire, a noble mind ; 
 Pitt would have flung his office down ! — 
 
 Lord Palmerston has not resigned. 
 
L. 
 
 A FAMILIAR EPISTLE. 
 
 FROM DUDLEY TO EDINBURGH. 
 
 [20th "May, 1834.— See Xo. XLI. This piece does not appear in 
 the edition privately printed. As Attorney General, Sir John 
 Campbell had prosecuted the True Sun for a seditious libel, in 
 advocating the non-payment of taxes, pending the adoption by 
 the ministry of the advanced Radical programme. Counsel for 
 defendants quoted Lord Milton's famous sentiment, and Mr. W. 
 Brougham's advice to the tax-gatherer to <; call again." Campbell 
 had nothing to plead but that these were hasty utterances, not 
 reduced to writing by their authors. He obtained a conviction.] 
 
 " Look, here comes a lover of mine, and a lover of hers." — As You 
 Zi'fc* It. 
 
 Sir John is a terrible man, 
 
 He is born pretty towns to beguile ; 
 Beware — oh beware — if you can, 
 
 Of the magic that lurks in his smile : 
 Though soft his entreaties may be, 
 
 I've heard him as tenderly sue : 
 For he used to come courting to me, 
 
 As now he gees courting to you. 
 
280 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 A tricolor banner Le bore 
 
 To render bis principles plain ; 
 A tricolor ribbon be wore ; 
 
 He'll probably wear it again. 
 Witb bis conduct, I quickly could see, 
 
 His colours bad little to do ; 
 But oh ! they were lovely to me, 
 
 And ob ! tbey'll be lovely to you. 
 
 He taught me, the villain, to hope, 
 
 Such blessings as eye never saw ; 
 Cheap raiment, cheap victuals, cheap soap, 
 
 Cheap learning, cheap churches, cheap law. 
 You'd have thought that he spoke for a fee, 
 
 So moving his eloquence grew ; 
 The arts that could fascinate me — 
 
 Oh will they not fascinate you ? 
 
 He promised the people his aid, 
 
 He gave it to Althorp and Grey; 
 A Radical here while he stayed, 
 
 A Whig when he trotted away. 
 He swore that the Press should be free, 
 
 And straight an indictment he drew ; 
 A sad disappointment to me, 
 
 A sad disappointment to you ! 
 
A FAMILIAR EPISTLE. 
 
 But take him ; a seat must be had 
 
 For Mr. Attorney, no doubt : 
 Do take him ; Lord Althorp is sad 
 
 While his learned adviser is out. 
 Since " off with the old love " is he, 
 
 It's time to be " on with the new ; " 
 Detected, rejected by me, 
 
 Pray take him — I leave him to you ! 
 
 281 
 
LI. 
 COLLOQUIES OF THE OANONGATE. 
 
 [23rd May, 1834. — The same subject is pursued. This also was 
 omitted in the printed edition. — For the True Sun, see the notes 
 on the last piece. — Sir Charles Pepys, the Solicitor-General, was 
 an infrequent and unready speaker, and Campbell, in his Auto- 
 biography, ascribes an important defeat of the Government, in 
 the case of Baron Smith, an Irish judge, considered by them to 
 have made a political charge from the Bench, to their lack of legal 
 assistance, due to his own temporary exclusion from the House.] 
 
 "Rem populi tractas." — Pees. 
 
 Whence do you come, Sir knight, Sir knight, 
 So gloomy and glum, Sir knight, Sir knight 1 
 
 " From Dudley, where stories 
 
 Invented by Tories 
 Have ruined my character quite, quite, 
 Have ruined my character quite." 
 
 Who bade you appear, Sir knight, Sir knight, 
 To dazzle us here, Sir knight, Sir knight 1 
 
COLLOQUIES OF THE CANONGATE. 283 
 
 " Lord Althorp, in trouble 
 
 That Pepys, my double, 
 Is not very ready to fight, fight, 
 Is not very ready to fight." 
 
 What have you got, Sir knight, Sir knigbt. 
 To bother the Scot, Sir knight, Sir knight 1 
 
 " A bow and a bag 
 
 And a tricolor flag 
 And speeches well sprinkled with spite, spite, 
 And speeches well sprinkled with spite." 
 
 What have you done, Sir knight, Sir knight, 
 About the True Sun, Sir knight, Sir knight ? 
 
 " I've shown that with reason 
 
 A Lord may talk treason 
 Which a Commoner ought not to write, write, 
 Which a Commoner ought not to write." 
 
 What shall we see, Sir knight, Sir knight, 
 
 If we make you M.P., Sir knight, Sir knight ? 
 
 " You'll see me depart 
 
 With my hand on my heart, 
 Very grateful and very polite, — lite, 
 Very grateful and very polite." 
 
284 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 How will you cure, Sir knight, Sir knight, 
 The ills we endure, Sir knight, Sir knight 1 
 
 " I've just got a notion 
 
 Of making a motion 
 That black shall in future be white, white, 
 That black shall in f.i'.ure be white." 
 
LII. 
 THE LATE RESIGNATIONS. 
 
 [June 25th, 18-34. — The session had been largely occupied with an 
 Irish Church Bill, to which Stanley had given his consent with 
 difficulty. By this were renewed the clauses which had been struck 
 out by the House of Lords from the Bill of the year before. When 
 on a motion of Mr. Ward, M.P., the Ministers responsible for the 
 Bill showed a willingness to make yet further concessions, Mr. 
 Stanley and Sir James Graham (May 27th) resigned office, and 
 were followed by the Duke of Richmond, and by the E irl of Ripon 
 (formerly Lord Goderich). A series of articles in the Morning Post, 
 of Praed's writing, had foretold the catastrophe, and urged resigna- 
 tion upon the wavering statesmen. — Sir Samuel Whalley, the pro- 
 prietor of a private asylum, was M.P. for Marylebone. — Mr. Ellice 
 by these resignations obtained a seat in the Cabinet. Lord Dur- 
 ham was, however, excluded ; by Lord Brougham's jealousy, as 
 some thought ; but the dislike of him was widespread among his 
 old colleagues.] 
 
 " Vivant Arturius illic 
 Et Catulus."— Juv. 
 
 'Twas time for this ; too long, too long, 
 
 In sad communion of disgrace, 
 The right have banded with the wrong, 
 
 The pure have herded with the base r 
 
286 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Sense should not be to Quackery tied, 
 Nor Piety be linked with Cant, 
 
 Nor Graham sit by Thomson's side, 
 
 Nor Stanley share the shame of Grant. 
 
 'Twas time for this ; they are not fit 
 
 To flatter Finn, conciliate Grote, 
 To shake their sides at Whalley's wit 
 
 And strain their voice for Gully's vote ; 
 To covet Burdett's ready smiles, 
 
 To credit oaths by Harvey sworn, 
 And soothe with diplomatic wiles 
 
 The burly beggar's hate and scorn. 
 
 'Twas time for this ; when general gloom 
 
 Enwraps whate'er we deem divine, 
 When madness speaks the common doom 
 
 Of crown and mitre, throne and shrine, 
 'Twas time to leave yon shameful seat 
 
 To men of fitting heart and head ; 
 The drum should be by Ellice beat ; 
 
 The march should be by Durham led ! 
 
THE LATE RESIGNATIONS. 287 
 
 [Note. — The above was the last of these pieces acknowledged 
 by Praed. Although I think I can trace Praed's writing, in the 
 Morning Post, at intervals, up to the final dismissal of the Whig 
 Ministry, under Lord Melbourne's Premiership, on the 17th 
 November, yet after August 1834 it is no longer as a regular 
 writer that he figures in its columns, and none of the poetry 
 appears to me to be from his pen. The following are probably 
 by E. M. Fitzgerald; 11th July, 1834, The Way to Win him, 
 15th July, Translation of a recent Speech; 22ud July, The 
 Juvenile Whig; 30th July, Ode to Lord Mulgrave ; 5th August, 
 Speech on the Poor Laws Amendment Bill ; 9th April, 1835, 
 Epithalamium for April the llth ; 20th April, Musings by the 
 Serpentine; 15th September, Lines to a New Pensioner. If on a 
 comparison of these undoubtedly clever imitations with the poems 
 acknowledged by Praed, it should appear to any future critic 
 that they have been rejected, as his, on too slight grounds, I can 
 only ask that some regard may be paid to the opinion of those 
 who have carefully examined them all, with the aid of letters, 
 recollections, and scrap books of the period, and have decided on 
 the balance of many small considerations, which it would be 
 wearisome in every case to enumerate. The constant use of 
 italics, the absurd misprints, due probably to his bad handwriting, 
 and the blunders in Latin, are marks of Fitzgerald that can hardly 
 be mistaken ; and I think, in spite of his attempts to copy closely 
 the ease of Praed's manner, there are hardly ever a dozen conse- 
 cutive lines of his, in which the inferiority of workmanship does 
 not somehow show itself.] 
 
Mil. 
 
 THE SONG OF THE BELLS. 
 
 [This piece exists only in MS. so far as I know, and without 
 date. Lord Grey was so often reported to be on the point of 
 resignation, that it is difficult to say exactly to which occasion it 
 is to be referred. He finally resigned, as a result of the Brougham- 
 Wellesley-Littleton intrigue with O'Connell, on July 9th, 1834. 
 But the true date of this poem was no doubt earlier ; for Waith- 
 man died in 1833, and Sir T. Denman was raised to the Bench in 
 November of the same year.] 
 
 " Turn again, Whittington.' 
 
 Oh, whither does your Lordship run 
 
 In such a fume and fret ? 
 Your task is only just begun, 
 
 We cannot spare you yet : 
 You know there's nothing half so sweet 
 
 As power, and place, and pay ; 
 You can't be tired of Downing Street; 
 
 Oh, turn again, Lord Grey. 
 
 And you will have your Peers, no doubt, 
 To serve you, thick and thin ) 
 
THE SONG OF THE BELLS. 289 
 
 To wait upon your going out 
 
 And on your coming in ; 
 And fools and flatterers, slaves and thieves, 
 
 Will play a pretty play 
 With little balls and strawberry leaves ; 
 
 So turn again, Lord Grey. 
 
 And you'll be laudud in the Globe, 
 
 And laurelled in the Times ; 
 And painted in a Roman robe, 
 
 And sung in scurvy rhymes : 
 The spouting-clubs will play their pranks 
 
 To make their master gay ; 
 They'll smother you with votes of thanks 
 
 Quick, turn again, Lord Grey. 
 
 And Hume and Harvey will declare 
 
 You speak their very tone ; 
 And Duncombe will devoutly swear 
 
 Your heart is like his own : 
 For you will noisy Denman bawl 
 
 And empty Waithman bray ; 
 And you will learn to love them alh— 
 
 There, turn again, Lord Grey. 
 
 19 
 
LIV. 
 LINES. 
 
 WRITTEN UNDER A PORTRAIT OF LORD MAYO, DRAWN 
 BY THE QUEEN. 
 
 [This little piece was written in an Album of Lady Mayo's 
 which contained more than one of Queen Adelaide's sketches. 
 See Praed's Collected Poems, Vol. L, pp. 3C7— 371. Lady Mayo 
 was Praed's aunt.] 
 
 A courtier of the nobler sort, 
 A Christian of the purer school, 
 
 Tory, when Whigs are great at Court, 
 And Protestant, when Papists rule — 
 
 Prompt to support the monarch's crown, 
 As prompt to dry the poor man's tears, 
 
 Yet fearing not the rabble's frown, 
 And seeking not the rabble's cheers — 
 
 Still ready — favoured or disgraced — 
 To do the right, to speak the true — 
 
 The Artist who these features traced 
 A better Subject never knew ! 
 
POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Pakt III. 
 1839. 
 
I. 
 
 THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 
 
 TO VISCOUNT MORPETH, M.P. 
 
 [These three satires, the second in an unfinished state, were 
 found among the poet's MSS. after his death. They were written 
 in the winter of 1838-9, at a time when his health had begun to 
 fail, but before any cause for serious anxiety had revealed itself. 
 The declining prestige of the Whig Government, the unsatis- 
 factory state of the law as to corruption and intimidation at 
 elections, and the personal characteristics of Lord Palmerston and 
 Lord Melbourne as public men, are the subjects which come 
 uppermost. The session of 1838 had been in many respects an 
 unsatisfactory one. The authority of the Speaker had been 
 challenged, several " rows " had occurred, and not much business 
 had been done. 
 
 This piece must have been written when the author was away 
 from his books of reference, for he wrote it under the impression 
 that Lord Morpeth was now " member for the independent 
 Borough of Malton," whereas he was member for the West 
 Riding. Malton was represented by Lord Milton and Mr. 
 Childers. — For a collection of the declarations of " finality " made 
 by eminent Liberals after the passing of the Reform Bill, see 
 Praed's article in the Morning Post of January 29th, 1833. — For 
 Doctor Carpue, see Part II., No. XIII. — After the resignation of 
 Stauley, Graham and the rest, in May 1834, an address was got 
 up by Lord Ebrington, and presented to Lord Grey by members 
 of his party, expressive of their continued confidence in his 
 administration. In his reply the Premier took occasion to 
 deprecate " the constant and active pressure from without," 
 
294 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 which, he said, was urging the Ministry to the adoption of 
 measures, the necessity of which was not fully proved. This 
 referred especially to Mr. Ward's motion for a committee, with a 
 view to "reduce the Irish Church Establishment," by "vital 
 and extensive changes."— Messrs. Shaw and Lefroy were members 
 for Dublin University ; Mr. Ward for Sheffield, Mr. Grote for the 
 City of London, and Messrs. Wakley and Duncombe for Finsbury. 
 —Sir Hussey Vivian sat for East Cornwall; he voted for the 
 Ballot on the 15th February, 1833 ; he had walked out, rather 
 than vote, the previous year. — Mr. Warburton, on 6th December, 
 1837, had said, in a sensible speech on Mr. Blewitt's motion (see 
 No. III.),—" All knew that as money constituted the sinews of 
 war, so it was the means by which petitions were persevered in.' 
 —Mr. Smith, M.P. for High Wycombe, after an expensive career, 
 had just succeeded his father as Lord Carrington. Mr. Nurse was 
 unsuccessful in his candidature.— The famous "horse-pond" 
 article in the Times of April 30th, has already been referred to, 
 Part II., No. IV. It was an elaborate picture of the treatment 
 reserved for Anti-Reform candidates.— " We see him, in our 
 mind's eye, present himself to the people ; we hear the groans 
 which at first assail him ; we see the first discharge of mud, dead 
 cats, and rotten eggs, which encircle his bare and devoted head. 
 Then, as the populace becomes more determined, and more ex- 
 cited, we see the pebbles and gravel begin to fly ; these are suc- 
 ceeded by paving-stones, bricks, etc.; and the Corinthian capital 
 of Toryism is forced to retire with a broken head ! . . . Now, do 
 we approve of such scenes as these ? Quite the contrary, we 
 deprecate them beforehand, and shall deplore them if they take 
 place. But, etc., . . . once again, we warn them to desist ; . . . 
 in every borough-town will they meet the reception we have just 
 pictured : they will become acquainted with every village pump ; 
 the clear river and the muddy pool will alike receive them ; they 
 will carry away undesired samples of the soil of each county, and 
 will consider themselves fortunate if contumely and contusions 
 be all they meet with."— Mr. John E. Elliott, son to the Earl of 
 Minto, was M.P. for Roxburghshire. A debate was raised May 
 21th, 1838, as to rioting which had occurred at Hawick at the 
 election ; the sitting member declared there had been " no riots 
 which could be so called ; " " miscomluct and violence he did not 
 
THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 295 
 
 deny." Somebody indeed had been thrown into the river ; but it 
 was only two feet deep ; " about sax or twal inches," according 
 to one witness. Somebody, certainly, had been wounded with an 
 li unlawful weapon"; but it was, in fact, "with a pin." — Mr. 
 Coppock was the manager of elections for the central Liberal 
 Association. His name was unpleasantly prominent when, at a 
 later date, St. Albans and Sudbury were disfranchised for corrupt 
 practices. — Mr. M. D. HL11 had a parliamentary practice ; he had 
 been M.P. for Hull.— Sir George Strickland was Lord Morpeth's 
 colleague in the representation of the West Riding.— Praed had 
 spoken well in a debate of 2nd April, 1838, seriously impugning 
 the system under which Committees of the House of Commons, 
 consisting of party men, attempted to exercise judicial functions 
 in matters of controverted functions ; and he gave a pledge of 
 sincerity on that occasion, by voting with O'Connell, against 
 both Peel and Russell, for inquiry, with a view to reform.] 
 
 'Tis sweet, when winds are lashing ocean 
 Into a terrible commotion, 
 Amidst the elemental roar 
 To fold one's arms upon the shore, 
 And see another, friend or strange:-, 
 Tossed to and fro in mortal danger. 
 'Tis sweet, when on a field of battle 
 The sabres flash, the bullets rattle, 
 To choose an elevated spot, 
 Beyond the reach of shell or shot, 
 And watch the heroes taking pains 
 To batter out each other's brains. 
 In language somewhat more sublime 
 
 So said a fine old Roman poet ; 
 But had he lived to know our time 
 
 As you, my lord, already know it, 
 
296 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Another verse he might have wrought, 
 
 Not less sonorous, to assure us 
 That of all sweets 'tis sweetest thought 
 
 By all the herd of Epicurus, 
 When writs are flying up and down, 
 And folk, in country and in town, 
 With drums and trumpets, feasts and fights, 
 Are making burgesses and knights, 
 To drive from Malton, quite delighted 
 At finding Malton so united, 
 And mark how people rob and gull 
 Some luckless friend at York or Hull. 
 
 Hard, very hard, the patriot's fate, 
 
 Whom Brooks's and the stars send down 
 To be the Liberal candidate 
 
 For some extremely liberal town ! 
 Who quits his house in sweet May Fair 
 
 In vain regretting and repining, 
 While Fashion in her glory there 
 
 Is fiddling, flirting, dancing, dining — 
 Who drops the visit that was planned 
 
 To Naples by his wife and daughters, 
 Or that which Clarke and Keate command 
 
 To Cheltenham for a course of waters — 
 Who rattles from his country seat 
 
 When hounds are meeting all about him, 
 
THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 297 
 
 Or steals away from Lombard Street 
 
 When business can't go on without Lim — 
 Who leaves, in short, by hurried stages 
 Whate'er amuses or engages, 
 And, hanging out a ponderous flog 
 On Crown or Castle, Star or Stag, 
 By speech and placard makes it clear 
 To all who see, and all who hear, 
 That he's the man to represent 
 The march of mind in Parliament, 
 And play the champion or the martyr, 
 Next session, for the People's Charter. 
 
 Hark, 'tis a fine barouche and four ! 
 
 The ostlers to the gate are springing ; 
 Bright eyes peep out at every dcor ; 
 
 From every tower the bells are ringing. 
 Awakened to his country's call, 
 
 His broadsides say to all who read 'em, 
 Sir Felix Froth, of Frothy Hall, 
 
 Invites us, one and all, to freedom ! 
 
 Sir Felix Froth we must admit 
 
 A moderate Whig, of moderate wit; 
 
 He sips his wine, he taps his box, 
 
 And lauds the memory of Fox ; 
 
 He thinks all jobs extremely dirty, 
 
 But has not heard of one since 'thirty; 
 
298 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 He hailed Reform with pride and pleasure, 
 
 But calls the Act a " final measure." 
 
 Like great Earl Grey, whose nerves were shocked 
 
 One day when Doctor Carpue knocked, 
 
 Sir Felix looks with dread and doubt 
 
 Upon the " pressure from without ; " 
 
 Like small Lord John, who now grows sick 
 
 Of argument by stone and stick, 
 
 Sir Felix cries, " The Constitution 
 
 Don't want an annual Revolution." 
 
 If Knatchbull's doctrine seems to him 
 
 A superannuated whim, 
 
 It does not follow he should vote 
 
 With Mr. Ward or Mr. Grote ; 
 
 And if he'd lend his help with joy 
 
 To stifle Shaw or gag Lefroy, 
 
 That can't imply an approbation 
 
 Of all O'Connell's agitation. 
 
 In short, Sir Felix would suggest 
 
 That movement's safest when at rest, 
 
 And hint that Freedom would be better 
 
 For here a bolt, and there a fetter. 
 
 Alas ! Sir Felix will discover, 
 
 Ere half his canvass shall be over, 
 
 That sound opinions on demand 
 
 Advance, recede, contract, expand ; 
 
 That choice of right and wrong depends 
 
 Upon the wishes of one's friends ; 
 
THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 299 
 
 That all from time must wisdom borrow ; 
 That white to-day is black to-morrow ; 
 And that it's hard, in public station, 
 Midst all the changes of creation, 
 While winds and waters veer and vary, 
 Super antiqv.as vias stare. 
 
 Old Shears the tailor, who has long 
 
 Been sagest of the clubroom sages, 
 Learned in Paine, in Cobbett strong, 
 
 And deep in Bentham's lucid pages — 
 In whose mysterious shop are wrought, 
 
 Not vests alone, but systems, newer 
 Than any that have yet been taught 
 
 By any Westminster Reviewer — 
 Protests that Whig and Tory both 
 Are cut from just the selfsame cloth ; 
 Avows that from his very heart he 
 Abhors the name of either party ; 
 And, when his man begins to wheedle, 
 Is quite intent upon his needle. 
 Harmodius Nibbs, the fierce conductor 
 Of every poor man's " best instructor," 
 Who by an inch of odorous taper 
 Compiles the Independent Paper, 
 And racks his brain and dims his eyes 
 In calling names and coining lies, 
 
300 POLITICAL, AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Through two laborious columns simmers 
 Against all waverers and trimmers ; 
 Applauds his own impartial pen, 
 And roars for " measures," not for " me 
 And soon the Union frankly states 
 By half a dozen delegates — 
 Undaunted patriots, who assemble 
 
 In council at the Cato's Head, 
 To make confederate tyrants tremble 
 
 And deprecate the tax on bread — 
 That they've prepared a little string 
 Of questions about everything, 
 To which they're anxious he should say 
 His " yes," or " no," without delay ; 
 And, since they all desire to show 
 
 How very deeply they respect him, 
 They'll pelt him if he answers " no," 
 
 And if he answers " yes," elect him. 
 
 Sir Felix fancies that he sees 
 Clearer and clearer by degrees. 
 Six years ago, he hoped and trusted, 
 The franchise had been well adjusted ; 
 But yet the virtue of the invention 
 May be improved by some extension ; 
 He's quite convinced — he may be wrong — 
 That Parliaments don't last too long; 
 
THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 301 
 
 But their duration, on reflection, 
 May be curtailed without objection ; 
 He feels that every honest man 
 Will poll in public, if he can, 
 But votes for ballot, when he's bid, 
 As meekly as Sir Hussey did. 
 
 These trifles settled — presto, pass I 
 
 The Baronet becomes a hero, 
 And sees his hopes in fortune's glass 
 
 Mount up to summer heat from zero. 
 And now he valorously fights 
 The battle of the many's rights ; 
 Surfeits at taverns, smokes at clubs, 
 Harangues from wagons and from tubs ; 
 Delights all hearers and beholders, 
 And rides on independent shoulders. 
 Whene'er he speaks, the gazers own 
 He speaks with Wakley's silver tone ; 
 Whene'er he stops, the gazers vow 
 He stops with Duncombe's graceful bow. 
 The ladies take prodigious pride 
 In broidering banners six yards wide ; 
 The schoolboys, hurrying from their broth, 
 Shout " Froth for ever, vote for Froth 1 " 
 
 War's sinews are of gold, they say ; 
 Since never yet from empty pockets 
 
302 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Came spear and shield in Csesar's day, 
 In Wellington's, grenades and rockets 
 
 And soon Sir Felix is afraid, 
 
 In spite of chairing and of cheering, 
 
 That not of cheaper stuff are made 
 The sinews of electioneering. 
 
 " Another thousand ! — bless my heart ! 
 Upon my life you make me start ; 
 You can't persuade me, in my senses, 
 It's all ' legitimate expenses.' 
 When Parliament with such applause 
 Destroyed St. Michael's and St. Mawes- 
 Excuse me, Sir — I really thought, 
 That seats were never to be bought ; 
 That candidates were not to hear 
 Of flagmen, stavesmen, breakfasts, beer 
 In short, that we had full security 
 For perfect principle and purity." 
 Fine phrases ! but it seems the game 
 Continues pretty much the same ; 
 And Liberal sentiments don't weigh, 
 Unless combined with liberal pay. 
 " For Queen and Country one is willing, 
 Of course, to lavish every shilling ; 
 But, Sir, one's family, 'tis true, 
 Must sometimes be remembered too. 
 
THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 303 
 
 Miss Froth — my Lady hints, with reason — 
 
 May want a settlement next season ; 
 
 And Harry will be begging soon 
 
 Papa to make him a dragoon. 
 
 I don't complain — the honour's such — 
 
 But, hang it ! it might cost too much." 
 
 When first from hand of truant Will 
 A stone goes rolling down a hill, 
 So slow it starts, with every hop 
 You think it's coming to a stop. 
 If in the middle of its journey 
 You touch it, it may chance to burn ye : 
 And do but look how very fast 
 It leaps to level ground at last. 
 Thus wise Sir Felix, first intending 
 The greatest caution in descending, 
 Quickens his pace as he advances, 
 Discards his conscientious fancies, 
 Sends tickets out as thick as hail, 
 Floods all the market place with ale, 
 Sells out his tranquil Three per Cent?, 
 Anticipates his Christmas rents, 
 And thinks as lightly of his purse 
 As Mr. Smith or Mr. Nurse, 
 
 Yet after all the cost and pain 
 
 Bestowed on dinners and on speeches, 
 
304 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Some few are found, whose stubborn brain 
 
 Nor rhetoric nor rhino reaches : 
 Some few incorrigible Tories, 
 
 Who fancy all they read is true 
 Of Britain's liberties and glories, 
 
 Of Trafalgar and Waterloo ; 
 Who say a nation ought to be 
 Contented to be great and free, 
 And call it sin to seek aught further 
 By arson, robbery and murder ; 
 Who hold the country of their birth 
 The finest country upon earth, 
 And will not for instruction go 
 To Jefferson or Mirabeau ; 
 Odd men, and willing to be odd, 
 Who read their Bible, serve their God, 
 And snap their fingers at the Pope, 
 And wish O'Connell in a rope. 
 On such dull bigots soft coercion 
 May work, perhaps, a late conversion. 
 When logic fails in grave debate, 
 A brickbat often carries weight ; 
 When prejudice is proof 'gainst wit, 
 A club may make a happier hit ; 
 Where these no good effect produce, 
 A horse pond will be found of use. 
 Sir Felix, most humane of men, 
 Looks vastly serious now and then j 
 
THE CONTESTED ELECTION. 305 
 
 Assures the Mayor he hates a riot, 
 And begs reformers to be quiet ; 
 But yet his stiff respect for law 
 In proper time begins to thaw ; 
 He vows it's monstrously ill-bred 
 
 To take a friendly joke in dudgeon ; 
 He half suspects that Tory head 
 
 Was only made for Liberal bludgeon ; 
 He sees, as plain as noonday sun 
 
 That might is right, when Whigs employ it ; 
 And finally, enjoys the fun 
 
 As Johnny Elliot might enjoy it. 
 
 A minute more — another second — 
 The poll is closed ; the votes are reckoned. 
 What if Sir Felix finds his place 
 Is just the hindmost in the race 1 
 Repulsed to-day, he yet may rally 
 His forces for to-morrow's sally. 
 Soon, to redeem his lost position, 
 Coppock shall frame him a petition ; 
 A Whig Committee, nothing loath, 
 Shall at the table take the oath ; 
 Hired witnesses with tales shall ply 'em 
 For only two pounds two per diem ; 
 While Hill shall jumble law and fact, 
 Misstate the case, misquote the Act ; 
 
 20 
 
806 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS, 
 
 And lest some unit of the quorum 
 Should have a fancy for decorum, 
 And stumble on the least pretence 
 To Common Law, or common sense, 
 The Fates shall take peculiar care 
 To put a Strickland in the chair. 
 
II. 
 
 THE POLITICAL DRAWING-ROOM. 
 
 TO LADY- 
 
 [It is impossible to assign any individuality at this distance of 
 time, either to the fair lady honoured with this dedication, or to 
 the " Lady Daisy " who is satirized. Probably no particular 
 allusion was intended, for it was Praed's rule to abstain from 
 bringing ladies into party politics. — There were at this time two 
 Zoological Gardens in London ; that in Surrey was afterwards given 
 up. — Sir Matthew Wood in 1838 carried the Hackney Carriages 
 Regulation Bill ; but the second reading of it was once counted 
 out, on February 28th. — The Christinos, the supporters of Eegent 
 Queen Christina in Spain, were the constitutional, the Carlists, 
 the legitimist party. — John Wood was an authority on educa- 
 tional matters, an Edinburgh Benthamite ; John Stuart Mill 
 requires no note; Joseph Hume was now M.P. for Kilkenny, by 
 he grace of O'Connell ; Joseph Parkes was a Birmingham solicitor, 
 author of the Ilistory of the Court of Chancery, and brains- 
 carrier to Mr. Attwood's Political Union. — Sir John Campbell 
 the Attorney-General, in 1836 secured a peerage for his wife 
 and in 1841 another for himself. His quarrel was rather 
 with the law lords than with the Peerage: he was counsel 
 for the House of Commons in the ridiculous case of Stockdale v. 
 Hansard. — Colonel Perronet Thompson was a great champion of 
 Free Trade, a voluminous writer, and a very trenchant speaker 
 
308 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Compare Sir Alexander Boswell's reply to Dr. Johnson, who 
 asked him, "What good did Cromwell ever do?" — "Doctor, 
 he gart kings ken that they had a lith in their necks." This 
 allusion to the day when Eepublican-minded under graduates 
 used to dine on " Calf's head," seems to show that the accu- 
 sation rather spitefully brought against the author by Bolwer 
 Lytton and Professor Pryme, on 27th June, 1838, of having been 
 present on such an occasion, in his salad days, at Cambridge, had 
 not permanently afflicted him ; though it caused him some loss 
 of his temper at the time. — Charles Buller, M,P. for Liskeard, 
 Thomas Carlyle's pupil, and a rising Whig politician, was often 
 pitted by his friends against Praed, whom he resembled in the too 
 early termination of his career. See Bulwer Lytton's St. Stephen's 
 for a genial estimate of both, written long after.] 
 
 Fair Lady, nor less good than fair, 
 
 When I have watched your various bounty 
 Diffusing, like the liberal air, 
 
 Its love and life through half the county ; 
 When I have seen, in hut or shed, 
 
 By which your fairy foot has glided, 
 The supper dressed, the pillow spread, 
 
 The fuel stored, the drug provided ; 
 When I have witnessed round your path 
 Averted vengeance, softened wrath — 
 The sluggard roused to honest labour, 
 The miser won to clothe his neighbour, 
 The tears of sorrow wiped away, 
 The lips of childhood taught to pray ; 
 Thus, I have thought, to clasp the tie 
 That links the humble to the high, 
 
THE POLITICAL DRAWIXGR00M. 309 
 
 To make the coronet more bright 
 Before a grateful people's sight, 
 And show in wealth the copious source 
 Whence mercy takes its constant course — 
 This, more than sharp and shrill debate 
 About the sins of Church or State, 
 Is noble Woman's public duty — 
 The patriotism of British beauty. 
 
 But belles there are, whose proud enjoyment 
 Affects a more sublime enjoyment ; 
 Who love their country with such kindness, 
 Despite its baseness and its blindness, 
 That, not content to charm and bless it, 
 They must reform it and redress it ; 
 Who, bright with every natural grace, 
 
 With 's figure, 's face, 
 
 To make themselves quite overpowering, 
 Must write like Bentham, talk like Bowring. 
 
 Go, gaze on all the wondrous things, 
 
 The skinny, scaly, feathery, furry, 
 Which science from the wide world brings 
 
 To pine in Middlesex and Surrey — 
 Read tomes of travels — Clarke's and Cook's — 
 
 And lounge through gallery and Museum, 
 And open all the folio books 
 
 Of pictures at the Athemeum ; 
 
310 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 You'll own at last, of all the creatures, 
 With various forms and various features, 
 
 That daily walk, and swim, and fly- 
 About the earth, the sea, the sky, 
 
 You find the oddest on your notes — 
 A Eadieal in petticoats. 
 
 Thanks to Sir Matthew's useful Bill, 
 Once more the house is counted out ; 
 
 We'll step to George Street if you will, 
 And look at Lady Daisy's Eout. 
 
 Since every beast and every bird 
 
 In the huge Ark together trembled, 
 
 Oh when was such a motley herd 
 Of living creatures e'er assembled ? 
 
 Quacks, knaves of every rank and station 
 
 And creed and tongue and hue and nation, 
 
 Precursors, Liberators, Chartists, 
 
 Christinos, Masons, Bonapartists, 
 
 Cigar consumers, opium chewers, 
 
 Bad novelists and worse reviewers, 
 
 Commissioners, inspectors, clerks, 
 
 John Wood, John Mill, Joe Hume, Joe Parkes ' 
 
 Sweet Lady Daisy, formed by Yenus 
 
 Best specimen of all the genus — 
 
 For since man's ears by trash were tickled 
 
 Trash ne'er from lips more lovely trickled — 
 
THE POLITICAL DRAWING-ROOM. 311 
 
 Oh what could make her, with those eyes 
 
 As deeply blue as summer's heaven, 
 So sagely witty, gaily wise, 
 
 And hardly — hardly twenty-seven, 
 With such a person, such a purse, 
 
 So many thousand pounds and graces, 
 With such a pen for prose and verse, 
 
 Such taste in lovers and in laces — 
 Oh what could make her bear to be 
 The very curious thing we see 1 
 A radiant jewel vilely set, 
 Half Jacobin and half coquette, 
 A rebel in the softest silks, 
 A kind of muslin Mr. Wilkes, 
 Bright student, but of dullest knowledge, 
 Fair scholar, but in foulest college, 
 In spite of nature's lavished store — 
 Youth, beauty, talent, wit — a bore ! 
 When Johnny Campbell, in a queer rage, 
 Denounces all the British Peerage, 
 And tears to rags the robe his heir 
 A few years hence intends to wear — 
 When Joseph Hume, the cunning man, 
 
 The wondrous Cocker of Kilkenny, 
 Elucidates the newest plan 
 
 To spend a pound and spare a penny — 
 When Colonel Thompson's loyal warning 
 Reminds us of the hallowed morning 
 
312 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 On which prophetic cricks perplex 
 The stiffness of all royal necks — 
 When Lord John Russell vents his spleen 
 Against a Bishop or a Dean — 
 When great O'Connell dubs at once 
 Wellesley a dastard, Peel a dunce, 
 The world admits, in all such cases, 
 How well the work the workman graces ; 
 But out alas ! — 'tis what in France 
 
 Our neighbours call a " false position," 
 When elephants will hornpipes dance, 
 
 Or Lady Daisy lisp sedition ! 
 
 What strange and unconnected matter 
 You hear the lovely lady chatter ! 
 'Tis now the Spirit of the Time, 
 
 And now the fashions of the season, 
 And here a little bit of rhyme, 
 
 And there a little bit of reason ; 
 That clever paper in the Globe, 
 And Lady Jersey's charming robe ; 
 Ingenious Carson's newest toque, 
 And funny Buller's latest joke ; 
 Deep thoughts upon the nation's debt, 
 Fine praise of Elsler's pirouette, 
 [Sermons] against patrician vices, 
 
 And eulogies of Gunter's ices 1 
 
 * * * % 
 
III. 
 
 THE TREASURY BEXCLT. 
 
 TO VISCOUXT PALMERSTOX. 
 
 [Lord Paiaierstox first entered Parliament in 1806, and took 
 office in ls07. He was then continuously in office until 1828 ; 
 and after a short stay in opposition under Wellington, was Foreign 
 Minister in all the Liberal administrations between 1830 and 1851, 
 Home Secretary in Lord Aberdeen's administration, 185-2-1855, 
 and then Prime Minister, with a short interlude in 1858-9, till his 
 death in 1865 ; total, forty-nine years of office in fifty-nine of 
 public life.— For Colonel Evans, see Pt. II., No. XXX. : Mr. Leader 
 was now his colleague in the representation of Westminster. — 
 The Marquis of Normanby, till recently Lord Mulgrave, was 
 Lord Lieutenant of Ireland ; he had written three novels, Contrast, 
 Matilda, and Yes and Xo. — Lord Melbourne was credited with a 
 common form of reply to troublesome colleagues, who wanted to 
 pass measures — " Can't you let it alone '? "—Mr. E. J. Stanley, 
 afterwards Lord Stanley of Alderley, was M.P. for Xorth 
 Cheshire, and Treasury Whip. — Lord Durham was sent to Canada 
 on a mission which resulted, on the whole, in restoring order 
 and satisfaction with the Government, though some illegal 
 acts were committed, which injured his reputation for ability. 
 — Sugden and Follett had been Sir R. Peel's Attorney and 
 Solicitor-General in 1835.— Mr. Blewitt on the 6th December, 
 1837, in a pompous speech, moved a series of resolutions, 
 directed against a fund, of which Mr. Andrew Spottiswoode 
 was treasurer, which had been subscribed for the purpose of 
 prosecuting petitions against the elections of O'Connellites. After 
 
314 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 a slashing answer from Lord Stanley, he tried to withdraw his 
 motion, and a scene of tremendous confusion ensued. The next 
 night things were still worse. The Speaker led off, with a rather 
 maudlin protest against the way the House had treated him the 
 night before ; and then Smith O'Brien moved, and Bulwer Lytton 
 seconded, a similar resolution to Mr. Blewitt's. The debate is 
 memorable for the exhibitions made of themselves by three great 
 exhibitors ; Sir Francis Burdett, for the last time of many ; 
 O'Connell, in perhaps his most conspicuous performance of the 
 kind ; and Disraeli, in his celebrated maiden speech. Nothing 
 came of it all. — Lord Plunket in one of his famous speeches on the 
 Catholic claims, delivered in 182-4, after describing how Govern- 
 ments should watch and direct the changes of public sentiment, 
 said — " If this were not the spirit which animated them, philosophy 
 would be impertinent, and history no better than an old alma- 
 nack." — Lord Albert Conyngham was M.P. for Canterbury. Lord 
 Spencer was a great breeder of prize cattle. Samuel Kogers, the 
 poet, spent an enormous sum upon editions of his " Poems," and 
 "Italy," illustrated by Turner and Stodhart. Unfortunately the 
 paper, " hot pressed," after the fashion of the day, became freckled 
 in a few years, and spoilt the engravings. — Mr.'Toung, originally 
 a purser in a nobleman's yacht, was Lord Melbourne's very 
 efficient Private Secretary. — The action brought by the Hon. 
 Mr. Norton, a London Police magistrate, in 1836, against Lord 
 Melbourne, was dismissed with costs, and Sir John Campbell's 
 task, as counsel for the Premier, was an easy one. But people 
 were getting tired of the dilettante ways of Lord Melbourne, of 
 the bad finance of his colleagues, and of the bullying of O'Connell 
 — the most formidable foe to England, in civil life, ever encoun- 
 tered by an English Ministry. Two years later, the Tories came 
 in with a great majority. Praed died in July of this same 
 year. 
 
 The intimate and even affectionate relations which existed 
 between Lord Melbourne and the Queen, creditable as they were 
 to both, was a not unnatural subject of jealousy to Tory politi- 
 cians. — "A heavy blow and great discouragement to Protestantism 
 in Ireland," was the phrase in which the Premier described his 
 own proposals for the settlement of the tithe question in Ireland, 
 July 1835, immediately after he assumed the Premiership a 
 
THE TREASURY BENCH. 315 
 
 second time. The Lords accordingly rejected them. — Mr. Gibson 
 Craig, M.P. for Edinburghshire (now called Midlothian), seconded 
 the address on the meeting of the new Parliament in 1837. He 
 stuck fast in his third sentence, and had to sit down. He did not 
 rise again. — The concluding lines, a touching and spirited anticipa- 
 tion, which has by the event been so fully realized, form a fitting 
 termination to this record of the fears and hopes and criticisms 
 of half a century ago.] 
 
 King George the Third in Cockspur Street 
 Sits fast and firm upon his seat, 
 Though wickedly the rabble chat 
 About his coat and queue and hat, 
 Though boys, irreverently pert, 
 Bespatter him with mud and dirt, 
 And men of proper taste declare 
 The creature has no business there. 
 But we, my Lord, confess at last, 
 
 Though you've your spiteful critics too, 
 That quite as firm and q\iite as fast 
 
 Upon the Treasury Bench are you. 
 
 Opinions pass with years away ; 
 
 A doctrine is but for a season ; 
 If loyalty's in vogue to-day, 
 
 The rage to-morrow will be treason ; 
 But whether Britain's favourite hue 
 Be pink or orange, red or blue, 
 We see your lordship still arrayed 
 In party's most triumphant shade; 
 
316 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 And whether Fortune's smile or frown 
 Set Whig or Tory up or down, 
 We find your lordship's public views 
 Precisely what the Darne would choose. 
 What if in other times you fought 
 
 For Church and State with Londonderry? 
 In all he said, in all he thought, 
 
 Lord Melbourne's very like him — very ! 
 What if, by Percival led on, 
 
 You marched sedition's threats to stifle 1 
 From Percival to dear Lord John 
 
 The step is, after all, a trifle ! 
 Canning, of course, was all divine, 
 But Shiel to-day is just as fine ; 
 Vansittart's sums were neat and nice ; 
 But Heaven ! the ciphers of Spring Bice ! 
 Though Mr. Hobhouse, as you know, 
 Was half a rebel long ago, 
 Sir John Cam Hobhouse now may be 
 A man with whom you quite agree ; 
 And though 'tis certain Hume was once 
 Blockhead and blunderer, dolt and dunce, 
 Of late we may perhaps presume 
 There's something to be said for Hume ! 
 Oh what a light will history shed 
 Hereafter round your lordship's head 1 
 How consecrate to deathless fame 
 Your great forgetf ulness of shame ; 
 
THE TREASURY BEXCH. 317 
 
 Of whom it must be gravely writ 
 
 By pen of Whig and pen of Tory, 
 That after making praise of Pitt, 
 
 And twining wreaths for Wellesley's glory, 
 i r ou, that the State, through storm and calm, 
 
 Might still have hands and heads to speed her, 
 Heard Evans brag without a qualm, 
 
 And polled, without a blush for Leader I 
 
 Sure none should better know how sweet 
 
 The tenure of official seat, 
 
 Than one who every session buys 
 
 At such high rate the gaudy prize ; 
 
 One who for this so long has borne 
 
 The scowl of universal scorn, 
 
 Has seen distrust in every look, 
 
 Has heard in every voice rebuke, 
 
 Has shrunk from Stanley's quick retort, 
 
 Has winced at Wakley's cool support ; 
 
 Exulting yet — as home he goes 
 
 From sneering friends and pitying foes — 
 
 That shun him — loathe him — if they will, 
 
 He keeps the seals and salary still. 
 
 And truth to say, it must be pleasant 
 To be a minister at present ; 
 
818 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMh. 
 
 To make believe to guide the realm 
 
 Without a hand upon the helm, 
 
 And wonder what with such a crew 
 
 A pilot e'er should find to do ; 
 
 To hold what people are content 
 
 To fancy is the Government, 
 
 And touch extremely little of it 
 
 Except the credit and the profit ; 
 
 To feel secure, when peril's near, 
 
 By shutting up the eye and ear ; 
 
 To stop sedition's rude advances 
 
 By printing Norinanby's romances ; 
 
 To keep the Czar from mischief brewing 
 
 By never minding what he's doing ; 
 
 To guard our colonies from harms 
 
 By slyly coaxing them to arms ; 
 
 To share vacation's joyous hours 
 
 'Twixt Brighton's domes and Windsor's towers, 
 
 And gossip here, and gossip there, 
 
 With ladies dark, and ladies fair ; 
 
 To sketch, when Fancy prompts exertion, 
 
 A note for Metternich's diversion, 
 
 Or protocol, so smoothly rounded 
 
 It must by twenty be expounded ; 
 
 When Follett presses, Sugden poses, 
 
 To bid gay Stanley count the nose.-, 
 
 And leave the Cabinet's defence 
 
 To Bulwer's wit, and Blewitt's sense ! 
 
THE TREASURY BENCH. 319 
 
 To hear demands for explanation 
 
 On India, Belgium, trade, taxation, 
 
 And answer, that perhaps they'll try 
 
 To give an answer by-and-by ; 
 
 To save the Church and serve the Crown, 
 
 By letting others pull them down ; 
 
 To promise, pause, prepare, postpone, 
 
 And end by leaving things alone ; 
 
 In short, to earn the people's pay 
 
 By doing nothing every day — 
 
 These tasks, these joys, the Fates assign 
 
 To well-placed Whigs in 'thirty-nine. 
 
 We ascertain on looking back 
 
 In Plunket's tattered almanack — 
 
 Where, though we know there's nothing in it 
 
 To charm his lordship for a minute, 
 
 A student of more humble breeding 
 
 May find some scraps of curious reading — 
 
 That to the noble and the wise 
 
 The trust of England's destinies 
 
 Appeared, when George the Third was King, 
 
 To be a very serious thing. 
 
 Then statesmen found in State affairs 
 
 Laborious studies, anxious cares ; 
 
 The joyless meal, the sleepless bed, 
 
 The aching heart, the plodding head ; 
 
320 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 Unheeded sacrifice of wealth, 
 Unpitied forfeiture of health ; 
 Oft, tasked beyond its utmost strength, 
 The frail machine gave way at length, 
 And, fainting at his post of pride, 
 The nation's weary servant died. 
 
 But things are changed. The march of knowledge 
 
 Proceeds in Court as well as College. 
 
 The freshman on the banks of Cam, 
 
 Shall master, in a fortnight's cram, 
 
 Truths which, beside those waters muddy, 
 
 Cost great Sir Isaac years of study. 
 
 The lisping girl, who half conjectures 
 
 The meaning of a course of lectures, 
 
 Shall tell you tales of gas and steam, 
 
 Of which Lord Bacon did not dream. 
 
 What marvel, if the art to rule 
 
 Discoveries of the modern school 
 
 Have made so simple, as to fit 
 
 The compass of the largest wit ? 
 
 What marvel, if on land and sea 
 
 Our destiny should guided be 
 
 With hardly half as much expense 
 
 Of time or trouble, thought or sense, 
 
 As Mr. Meynell may be able 
 
 To lavish yearly on his stable, 
 
THE TREASURY BENCH. 321 
 
 Lord Albert on his perfumed locks, 
 Lord Spencer on a Durham ox, 
 Sam Rogers on his beauteous books, 
 Or Holland on his corps of cooks ? 
 
 While crowds expect him and abuse, 
 
 Long hours, at his official quarters, 
 Patrons of negroes and of Jews, 
 
 Whig pamphleteers and Church-rate martyrs. 
 While drowsy clerks at last despair, 
 
 And Young begins to think of dining, 
 In lovely Sappho's elbow chair 
 
 Behold our gay First Lord reclining. 
 Forgetful in his dreamy trance 
 
 Which way the noisy world is going, 
 Of Turk or Russian, Spain or France, 
 
 As little as his lackey knowing, 
 With his bright colleague he debates 
 
 The Keepsake of the coming winter, 
 Admires the poems and the plates, 
 
 Applauds the painter and the printer ; 
 Lends, too, his judgment to revise 
 
 Some startling tale or soothing sonnet, 
 Embellishes some " Scene of Sighs," 
 
 Or points some " Ode to Cynthia's bonnet ; " 
 Yet now and then a respite asks 
 
 From all the literary labour, 
 
 21 
 
322 POLITICAL AND OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 To share the siveet domestic tasks 
 Of her, his fair fantastic neighbour ; 
 
 And turns from Mulgrave's dreary prose, 
 Or wakes from Morpeth's drowsy verses, 
 
 To measure baby's chin and nose, 
 And sip his caudle with the nurses. 
 
 Pity that Scandal should come by, 
 With pointing finger, squinting eye, 
 To hint reproach, to whisper harm, 
 To kindle doubt, to rouse alarm ; 
 That such a course of faultless pleasure, 
 
 So very proper to engage 
 In his long listlessness of leisure 
 
 A Premier — of a certain age — 
 Should furnish food for jest and frown 
 To Themis in her wig and gown, 
 And entertain remotest climes, 
 Recorded in the Globe and Times. 
 Cruel to her, whose sullied fame 
 
 Scarce yet redeems its early whiteness ! 
 Cruel to him, whose hearth became 
 
 Void, void of all that gave it brightness ! 
 And cruel to the orphaned ones 
 
 Whose slumber often will recall 
 Those witching looks and winning tones ! 
 
 Cruel, in short, to each and all 
 
THE TREASURY BENCH. 323 
 
 But plain John Campbell, who with ease 
 Bore off the verdict, and the fees. 
 
 Shift we the scene. More safely now 
 The Minister shall buzz and bow 
 In regions, where no comment rude 
 From lip or pen shall e'er intrude. 
 There he, the fond and favoured guest, 
 Shall look his liveliest, gloze his best, 
 On everything, or nothing, chatter, 
 And smoothly fawn, and softly flatter. 
 In curious tints shall he pourtray, 
 To make the royal listener gay, 
 Her pious Grandsire's stiff devotions, 
 Her moral Grandam's serious notions, 
 Her Uncle Frederic's bigot zeal, 
 Her Uncle William's wish for Peel. 
 Oft shall he whisper, deep and low, 
 The things he whispered long ago, 
 When in saloons he first began 
 To be a fascinating man, 
 'Ere yet the high ambition rose 
 To deal religion " heavy blows." 
 Oft shall he picture, with an air 
 Not very much the worse for wear, 
 How noble through the park she rides, 
 How graceful through the dance she glides, 
 
324 POLITICAL AXD OCCASIONAL POEMS. 
 
 How wonderful it is to see 
 
 Her fingers touch the ivory key; 
 
 And still, while Britain stands or falls 
 
 By dint of banquets and of balls, 
 
 While badinage directs the nation, 
 
 And politics are all flirtation, 
 
 Quick Bidicule shall smother half 
 
 Of her inexorable laugh ; 
 
 Stern Censure, just prepared to preach, 
 
 Like Gibson Craig, shall lose her speech ; 
 
 The Muse herself shall take upon her 
 
 The prudence of a Maid of Honour, 
 
 And, hushing her uncourtly spleen, 
 
 Sigh gently forth, " God save the Queen ! " 
 
 That she may see, our Bright and Fair, 
 
 How arduous is her path to fame. 
 How much of solemn thought and care 
 
 An empire's interests fitly claim ; 
 That she may know how poor 'twould seem 
 
 In one who graces Britain's throne 
 To patronize a party's scheme 
 
 Or make a favourite's cause her own ; 
 That she may feel to Whom belong 
 
 Alike the conte.-t and the prize, 
 Whence springs the valour of the strong, 
 
 Whence flows the counsel of the wise ; 
 
THE TREASURY BENCH. 325 
 
 That she may keep in womanhood 
 
 The heaven-born impulses of youth, 
 The zeal for universal good, 
 
 The reverence for eternal Truth ; 
 That she may seek the right and just; 
 
 That she may shun the false and mean ; 
 That she may win all love and trust, 
 
 Blessing and blest — God save the Queen ! 
 
 THE END. 
 
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