^^^^HHHHHH *!>/''.<;. " : - ' \'lf('i: ;' , li - j^^^^^^l^^^HRjbfl'i //'///' '' ' *'/,>' UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA MM.HBC 3 1822 00160 6979 THE UNiYEHSTY LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SAN DIEGO LA JOLLA, CALIFORNIA LIFE ELIZABETH FEY. LIFE ELIZABETH FRY. COMPILED FROM HER JOURNAL, AS EDITED BY HER DAUGHTERS, AND FROM VARIOUS OTHER SOURCES. BY SUSANNA CORDER PHILADELPHIA: HENRY LONGSTRETH, 347 MARKET STREET. 1853. Stereotyped by SLOTS //' This morning I awoke not comfortable, the subject of dancing came strongly before my mind. Totally declin- ing it as a matter of pleasure, I do not mind, only as I am 9 66 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1798. situated with the others I find it difficult ; the question is, if these may not be scruples of my own forming, that I may one day repent of ? The bottom of my heart is inclined to Quakerism, but I know what imagination can do. I believe the formation of my mind is such, that it requires the bonds and ties of Quakerism to fit it for immortality. I feel it a very great blessing being so little in the company of su- perior, fascinating Quakers ; because it makes me act freely, and look to t)ie only true Judge, for what is right for me to do. The next question I ask myself is, am I sufficiently clear, that dancing is wrong, to give it up ? because I know much precaution is quite necessary. I believe I may, if 1 like, make one more trial, and judge again how I feel ; but I must reflect upon it, determining to give it up, if I think right. I wish to make it a subject of very serious reflection, hoping, as usual, to do right ; it -will hurt them much I fear, but time, I believe, will take that off, if they see me more happy, and better for it. Let me redouble all kindness to them. Catherine seems to wish I would give up my corres- pondence with Anna Savery, which I think I may do. This day has been very comfortable in most respects, though I have not done much. I have finished my letter to my dear cousin Priscilla, and that to Mrs. ; but I cannot feel quite easy to send it, without first speaking to my father, for I do believe it is my duty to make him my friend in all things ; though I think it probable, he will discourage me in writing to my friend Sophy, yet never keep anything from him ; but let me be an open, true, kind, and dutiful daugh- ter to him, whilst life is in my body. 1.2th. I have many great faults, but I have some dispo- sitions which I should be most thankful for. I believe I feel much for my fellow-creatures ; though I think I mostly see into the minds of those I associate with, and am apt to satirise their weaknesses ; yet I don't remember ever being any time with one who was not extremely disgusting, but I felt a sort of love for them, and I do hope I would sacrifice 1799.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 67 my life for the good of mankind. My mind is too much like a looking-glass objects, of all kinds, are easily reflected in it, whilst present, but when they go, their reflection is gone also. I have a faint idea of many things, a strong idea of a few ; therefore my mind is cultivated badly. I have many straggling, but not many connected ideas. I have the materials to form good in my mind, but I am not a sufficiently good artificer to unite them properly together, and make a good consistence ; for in some parts, I am too hard, in others, too soft. I hope and believe the great Artificer is now at work, that if I join my power to the only One who is able to conduct me aright, I may one day be better than I am. Vitli. My journal has not gone on well of late : partly owing to my going out, and having people in this room, now there is a fire ; I dislike going out ; what my mind wants, is peace and quiet. The other night, as I was alone in a carriage, a fine starlight night, I thought, what is it I want ? how I overflow with the blessings of this world ; I have true friends, as many as I wish for ; good health, a happy home, with all that riches can give, and yet all these are nothing without a satisfied conscience. At times I feel satisfied, but I have not reason to feel so often. . . . This afternoon I have much to correct, I feel proud, vain, and disagreeable : not touched with the sweet humility of Christianity ; nor is my heart enlightened by its happy doctrines. I have now two things heavily weighing on my mind dancing and singing, so sweet and so pretty do they seem ; but as surely as I do either, so surely does a dark cloud come over my mind. It is not only my giving up these things, but I am making the others miserable, and laying a restraint upon their pleasures. In the next place, Am I sure I am going upon a good foundation? if I am doing right, God will protect mo and them also. If I am doing wrong, what foundation do I stand upon ? None : then all to me is nothing. Let me try to take my thoughts from this world. 68 T, I F K F R L I Z A B E T H F R Y . [1798. and look to the only true Judge. I believe singing to be so natural, that I may try it a little longer : but I do think dancing may be given up. What particularly led me to this state, was our having company, and I thought I must sing ; I sang a little, but did not stay with them during the playing. My mind continued in a state of some agitation, and I did not sleep till some time after I was in bed. 19f//. My mind feels more this morning, if anything, than it did last night. Can such feelings be my own putting on ? they seem to affect my whole frame, mental and bodily; they cannot be myself, for if I were to give worlds, I could not remove them ; they truly make me shake. When I look forwards I think I can see, if I have strength to do as they direct, I shall be another person : sorrow, I believe, will remove to be replaced by joy ; then let me now act ! My best method of conduct will be to tell Rachel how I am situated in mind, and then ask her what she would advise ; and be very kind and tell her the true state of the case. Is it worth while to continue in so small a pleasure for so much pain ? The pleasure is nothing to me, but it is a grand step to take in life. I have been and spoken to Rachel, saying I think I must give up singing. It is astonishing the total change that has taken place ; from misery I am now come to joy ; I felt ill before, I now feel well thankful should I be for being directed, and pray to keep up always to that direc- tion. After having spoken to my darling Rachel where I fear I said too much, I rode to Norwich after some poor people : I went to see many, and added my mite to their comfort. Nothing I think could exceed the kindness of my dear Rachel. Though I have no one here to encourage me in Quakerism, I believe I must be one before I am content. 1th December. I have had a letter to say my dear friend William Savery is arrived safely in America. Kitty and I have been having a -long talk together this evening upon sects ; we both seem to think them almost necessary. It is long since I have what I call truly written my journal ; 170ft.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 69 writing my journal, is to me expressing the feelings of my heart during the day ; I have partly given it up from the coldness of the weather, and not having a snug fire to sit by. I wish now, as I have opportunity, to look a little into the present situation of my heart ; that is the advantage of writ- ing a true journal, it leads the mind to look inwards. Of late I do not think I have been sufficiently active, but have rather given way to a dilatory spirit. I have been reading Watts's Logic, it tells me how ill-regulated are my thoughts, they ramble ftuly ! Regularity of thought and deed is what I much want ; I appear to myself to have almost a confusion of ideas, which leads to a confusion of actions; I want order ; I believe it difficult to obtain, but yet with perseverance at- tainable. The first way to obtain it, appears to me, to try to prevent my thoughts from rambling, and to keep them as steadily as possible to the object in view. True religion is what I seldom feel, nor do I sufficiently try after it, by really seeking devotion ; I do not warmly seek it, I am sure, not do I live in the fear of an all-wise Being, who watches over us ; I seldom look deep enough, but dwell too much on the surface of things, and let my ideas float. Such is my state. I can't tell how I feel exactly : at times all seems to me mystery ; " when I look at the heavens, the work of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars which Thou hast ordained, what is man that Thou art mindful of him, or the son of man that Thou visitest him ?" Thou must exist, oh God ! for the heavens declare Thy glory, and the firmament show- eth Thy handy-work. 8th. Since dinner I have read much Logic and enjoyed it ; it is interesting to me, and may, I think, with attention, do me good. Heading Watts, impresses deeply on my mind how very careful I should be of judging ; how much I should consider, before I speak or form an opinion ; how careful I should be not to let my mind be tinged throughout, with one reigning subject, to try not to associate ideas ; but judge of things according to the evidence they give to my mind 70 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1799. of their own worth. My mind is like a pair of scales that are not inclined to balance equally ; at least when I begin to form a judgment, and try to hold the balance equally, as soon as I perceive one scale is at all heavier than the other, I am apt at once to let it fall on that side ; forgetting what remains in tho other scale, which, though lighter, should not be forgotten. For instance, I look at a character, at first I try to judge calmly and truly ; but if I see more virtues than vices, I am apt soon to like that character so much, that I like its weaknesses also, and forget they are weak- nesses. The same if evil may preponderate, I forget the virtues. 12th. This day finished with a dance. If I could make a rule never to give way to vanity, excitement, or flirting, I do not think I should object to dancing ; but it always leads me into some one of these faults ; indeed, I never remember dancing without feeling one, if not a little of all the three, and sometimes a great deal. But as my giving it up would hurt many, it should be one of those things I part with most carefully. 30/i. I went to Meeting in the morning and afternoon ; both times rather dark ; but I have been a little permitted to see my own state, which is the greatest favour I can ask for at present ; to know what I should do, and to be assisted in my duties : for it is hard, very hard, to act right, at least I find it so. But there is the comfortable consideration, that God is merciful and full of compassion, He is tender over His children. I had a satisfactory time with my girls and boys. January 4t7i, 1799. Most of this morning I spent in Nor- wich, seeing after the poor ; I do little for them, and I do not like it should appear that I do much. I must be most guarded, and tell those who know I do charity that I am only my father's agent. A plan, at least a duty, that I have felt for some time, I will now mention. I have been trying to overcome fear ; my method has been to stay in the dark, 1798.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 71 and at night to go into those rooms not generally inhabited ; there is a strange propensity in the human mind to fear in the dark, there is a sort of dread of something supernatural ; I tried to overcome that, by considering that, as far as I believed in ghosts, so far I must believe in a state after death, and it must confirm my belief in the Spirit of God ; therefore, if I try to act right, I have no need to fear the directions of Infinite Wisdom. I do not turn away such things as some do ; I believe nothing impossible to God, and He may have used spirits as agents for purposes beyond our conceptions ; I know they can only come when He pleases, therefore we need not fear them. But my most predominant fear is that of thieves ; and I find that still more difficult to overcome, but faith would cure that also, for God can equally protect us from man as from spirit. 8th. My father not appearing to like all my present doings, has been rather a cloud over my mind this day : there are few, if any, in the world I love so well ; I am not easy to do what he would not like, for I think I could sacri- fice almost anything for him, I owe him so much, I love him so much. I have been reading Watts on Judgment this afternoon ; it has led me into thought, and particularly upon the evi- dence I have to believe in religion. The first thing that strikes me, is the perception we all have, of being under a power superior to human. I seldom feel this so much as when unwell ; to see how pain can visit me, and how it is taken away. Work for ever, we could not create life. There must bo a cause to produce an effect. The next thing that strikes me, is good and evil, virtue and vice, happiness and unhappiness these arc acknowledged to be linked together ? virtue produces good ; vice evil ; of course the Power that allows this, shows approbation of virtue. Thirdly, Christianity seems also to have its clear evidences, even to my human reason. My mind has not been con- vinced by books ; but what little faith I have, has been con- firmed by reading the holy writers themselves. 72 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1799. 27th. I have had, in many respects, comfortable Meet- ings: only my thoughts too giddy, dwelling too much on what pleased me yesterday ; they have, I am sorry to say, been occupied with old subjects, such as dress, and a little flirting, I fear. I have enjoyed my little party as usual, who are now, when complete, fifteen in number. What path I shall go in life, is hidden from my view. May I go in that in which I ought to go ! Do not forget how much more tempt- ing it is to choose the easiest, and yet do not enter difficulties for difficulty's sake. Try to be led by no person, but by my own conscience. 29th. I am in a doubtful state of mind. I think my mind is timid, and my affections strong, which may be partly the cause of my being so much inclined to Quakerism ; in the first place, my affections were worked upon, in receiving the first doctrines of religion through a Quaker ; therefore it is likely they would put on that garb in my mind. In the next place, my timidity may make me uncomfortable, in erring from principles that I am so much inclined to adopt ; so far I should be on my guard, and I hope not to forget what I have just mentioned. But yet, I think the only true standard I can have to direct myself by, is that which ex- perience proves to give me the most happiness, by enabling me to be more virtuous : I believe there is something in the mind, or in the heart, that shows its approbation when we do right. I give myself this advice : do not fear truth, let it be ever so contrary to Inclination and feeling. February 1th. I read much this morning in St. Basil, which is to me excellent, interesting, and beautiful. lie advises a constant thanksgiving for the many blessings we enjoy, and that we should not grumble at the evils we are subject to ; how much more cause have I for thankfulness than sorrow ! I seldom give thanks for the many blessings that surround me. St. Basil beautifully says, " we should not eat, we should not drink, without giving thanks to God." . I hope I have from experience gained a little. I 1799.] LIFE OP ELIZABETH FRY. 73 am much of a Friend in my principles at this time, hut do not outwardly appear much so; I say "thee" to people, and do not dress very gay, but yet I say " Mr." and " Mrs.," wear a turban, &c., &c. I have one remark to make ; every step I have taken towards Quakerism has given me satis- faction. ~L8th. I feel I must not despair : I consider I first brought sceptical opinions upon myself, and it is only what is due to me that they should now hurt me. I hope I do -not much murmur at the decrees of the Almighty : and can I expect, who am so faulty, to be blessed with entire faith ? Let me once more try and pray, that the many evil roots in my own mind may be eradicated. I had altogether a pretty good day, rather too much vanity at being mistress at home, and having to entertain many guests. 24th. What feeling so cheering to the human mind as religion ! what thankfulness should I feel to God ! I have great reason to believe Almighty God is directing my mind to the haven of peace, at least I feel that I am guided by a Power not my own. How dark was my mind for some days! How heavy ! I saw duties to be performed that even struck me as foolish. I took courage and tried to follow the directions of this voice ; I felt enlightened, even happy. Again I erred, again I was in a cloud ; I once more tried, and again I felt brightened. 25th. This time last year, I was with my dear friend William Savery, at Westminster Meeting. I can only thank fully admire, when I look back to about that time, the gentle leadings my soul has had, from the state of great darkness it was in ; how suddenly did the light of Christianity burst upon my mind. I have reason to believe in religion from my own experience, and what foundation so solid to build my hopes upon ; may I gain from the little experiences I have been blessed with, may I encourage the voice of truth, and may I be a steady and virtuous combatant in the service of God. Such I think I may truly say is my most ardent 10 74 LIFB OP ELIZABETH FRY. [1799. prayer. But God, who is omnipresent, knows my thoughts ; knows my wishes, and my many, many feelings ; may I conclude with saying, "cleanse thou me from secret faults." 28th. We have had company most part of the day. I have had an odd feeling. Uncle Joseph, and many gay ones, were here ; I had a sort of sympathy with him. I feel to have been so much off my guard, that if tempted, I should have done wrong. I now hear them singing. How much my natural heart does love to sing : but if I give way to the ecstacy that singing sometimes produces in my mind, it carries me far beyond the centre ; it increases all the wild passions, and works on enthusiasm. Many say and think it leads to religion ; it may lead to emotions of religion, but true religion appears to me to be in a deeper recess of the heart ; where no earthly passion can produce it. March \st. There is going to be a dance What am I to do ? As far as I can see, I believe, if I find it very necessary to their pleasure, I may do it, but not for my own gratification. Remember, don't be vain, if it be possible, dance little. I began to dance in a state next to pain of mind ; when I had danced four dances, I was trying to pluck up courage to tell Rachel I wished to give it up for the evening ; it seemed as if she looked into my mind, for she came up to me at that minute in the most tender manner, and begged me to leave off, saying she would contrive without me ; I suppose she saw in my countenance the state of my mind. I am not half kind enough to her, I often make sharp remarks to her, and in reality there are none of my sisters to whom I owe so much ; I must think of her as my nurse ; she would suffer much to comfort me ; may she, oh God ! be blessed ; wouldest Thou, oh wouldest Thou, let her see her right path, what- ever that may be, and wilt thou enable her to keep up to her duty, in whatever line it may lead. Let this evening be a lesson to me, not to be unkind to her any more. I think I should feel more satisfaction in not dancing ; but such things 1799.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 75 must be left very much to the time. How very much do I wish for their happiness ; that they may be blessed in every way, is what I pray for to the Great Director ; but all is guided in wisdom, and I believe, as a family, we have much to be thankful for, both for bodily and mental blessings. 4th. I hope the day has passed without many faults. John is just come in to ask me to dance in such a kind way, oh dear me ! I am now acting clearly differently from them all. Remember this, as I have this night refused to dance with my dearest brother, I must, out of kindness to him, not be tempted by any one else. Have mercy, oh God ! have mercy upon me ! and let me act right, I humbly pray Thee ; wilt Thou love my dearest, most dear brothers and sisters, wilt thou protect us? Dear John! I feel much for him, such as these are home strokes, but I had far rather have them if indeed guided by Supreme Wisdom ; for then I need not fear. I know that not dancing will not lead me to do wrong, and I fear dancing does; though the task is hard on their account, I hope I do not mind the pain myself. I feel for them, but if they see in time that I am happier for it, I think they will no longer lament over me. I will go to them as soon as they have done, try to be cheerful and to show them I love them, for I do most truly, particularly John. I think I might talk a little with John, and tell him how I stand, for it is much my wisest plan to keep truly intimate with them all ; make them my first friends. I do not think I ever love them so well as at such times as these. I should fully express my love for them, and how nearly it touches my heart, acting differently to what they like. These are truly great steps to take in life, but I may expect sup- port under them. IGth. I know I want correction, for these few days past I have not gone on well, a sort of coldness, darkness, and uncertainty, that will sometimes take possession of the mind ; it is I believe much owing to a want of vigilance and activity on my part, and it does not always please the Almighty to 76 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1799. enlighten us equally. I am a very negligent being. If, as Deborah Darby said to me, I will do as far as I know to be right, I may one day be a light to the blind, feet to the lame, &c., &c. Shall such a state ever be mine ? If there be any chance of such a thing, I should labour for it. I think the time I spent at Colebrook Dale one of the happiest, if not the happiest time of my life. I think my feelings that night, at Deborah Darby's, were the most exalted I ever remember. I, in a manner, was one of the beginners of the Meeting ; suddenly my mind felt clothed with light, as with a garment, and I felt silenced before God ; I cried with the heavenly feeling of humility and repentance. Then, when I was in this awful state, there were two sermons preached, one telling me to get the pearl of great price ; and the other telling me what I might expect, even happiness in this world, and everlasting happiness in the one to come. But that silence which first took possession of my mind, exceeded all the rest. At this time, Elizabeth adopted the numerical style of dates. Fourth Month, 6th. I have not done a great deal to-day, and yet I hope I have not been idle : I try to do right now and then, but by no means constantly. I could not recover the feeling of being hurt at rejecting, I suppose, the voice of my mind, last night, when I sang so much ; they were not, I believe, feelings of my own making, for it was my wish to enjoy singing without thinking it wrong. 1th. I have hopes the day may come when Norwich Meeting will prosper and be enlivened again, from a state of cloudiness. In the afternoon, I went with them to hear a person preach at the Baptists' Meeting : I felt afraid of setting my own opinions up, and being uncharitable. It did not seem to suit me like our silent method of worship, and the prayers and sermon did not make their way into the 1799.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 77 heart, as those of our Friends do ; hut it is likely I should feel that, as I have much love for my own Society. Uncle Joseph was here in the evening, and he seemed rather sur- prised at my going to hear Kinghorn. I had an interesting time with my young flock, I fear I might say rather too much to them ; mayst Thou, oh Father ! preserve them, for without Thy aid my efforts are ineffectual ; mayst Thou make me an instrument in leading them to true virtue, and may the day come when Thou wilt call them to everlasting joy. 15th. I had, for my poor wandering thoughts, a satisfac- tory Meeting ; partly owing to being nervous,- for it leads me to cast my care upon the Lord. I went to Bedlam, and felt glad to see the poor Melton woman going on well. If com- fort he once permitted to enter her heart, it will be a cause of true pleasure to me, and I hope of gratitude to the All- wise Director ; but He knows better than I what is for her good. To-day, at Meeting, I felt such a relief in the thought that God knows all our thoughts, all our temptations, and that He knows also how much power we have to overcome them : for I felt I could not have a just estimate of my own self. 22nd. I have read a good deal of Lavater's journal, and have felt sympathy with him. I like the book, as it reminds me of my duty. I hope that I shall have more steady reli- ance upon God ; more regularity of mind ; less volatility of thought. To have my heart pure in the sight of Thee, who knowest and seest all my weaknesses, all my defects ; God have mercy on me, I pray Thee ! mayst thou find in me a faithful servant, abounding in good works ; may my whole heart say truly, " Thy will be done !" may I ever, with all my heart, say the Lord's prayer. Thou knowest my wishes, oh God ; Thou knowest them ! 2th. I awoke with good resolutions, wishing to obtain that peaceful state of mind, of feeling myself humbly trying to do the will of the Almighty ; I took good resolves, but my nature seems not in the mind to act up to them. I foel 78 . LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1799. to have too much volatility of thought to keep that watch so necessary about my thoughts, words, and actions. I do not think this has been a bad day ; part of it very satisfactory, particularly teaching three little girls. How little the feelings of my heart seem under my own power ; I feel them like my body, under another power ; yet mankind do not seem wil- ling to allow that God is the Governor and Director of the heart, though they mostly acknowledge, it is He who guides all outward circumstances ; we find we have inward and out- ward evil to combat, but we have a power within ourselves, that will much alleviate the many evils we are subject to. 2Sth. I then had a very satisfactory evening with my dear Sam ; how do I love that dear boy may he do well ! I am inclined to think the day will come, when we shall see him a religious character. Fifth Month, 1st. Even acting right will sometimes bring dissensions in a family, as it says in the Testament ; we must not be discouraged even when that is our lot, for whatever may be our situation, if we strictly adhere to that which we believe to be our duty, we need not fear, but rest steadily upon Him who can and will support us. I often observe how much weakness of body seems to humble the mind ; illness is of great benefit to us, as I have found from experience, if we try to make good use of it ; it leads us to see our own weakness and debility, and to look to a stronger for support. So I believe it may be with the mind ; dark and gloomy states are allowed to come upon it that we may know our own insufficiency, and place our dependence upon a Higher Power. \6th. I have not done much to-day, partly owing to taking a walk to Melton, and company this afternoon. I am sorry to say, imperceptibly my mind gets wrapped up in the Election. I must take care, or I think I shall be off my guard, and I do think if 1 become so warm in it, I shall find it better to go out of the way ; and may perhaps go to London Yearly Meeting. But why not try to command my 1799.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 79 mind at home ? I intend to try, but in such cases as this, it is difficult to act a negative character ; for even such a body as I am, might, I believe, get many votes amongst the poor : but yet I feel as if it were giving to the poor with an expect- ation of return from them to ask for their votes. Still, if the cause be such, as may be of use in tending to abolish the war (for every member in the House carries some weight), is it not right to be anxious to get any one, who opposes war, into it ? "Many a little makes a mickle." 21th. At last this long - wished - for, expected day has arrived ; it has been one of real bustle. Before we went to Norwich, I was much affected to hear of the death of poor Betty Pettet, and it moved me. Let death come in any way, how very affecting it is ! We went to Norwich, and then entered its tumults. I have not been so very, very much interested ; I might have acted pretty well, if pride, vanity, and shame had not crept in ; we lost the Election, which is certainly a very great blank, but we soon get over such matters, and it convinces me, the less public matters are entered into the better, they do not suit us ; keep to our own sphere, and do not go out of its bounds. Seventh Month, 12th. This day has not been idle, but not religious. I was most part of the morning at Norwich ; in the afternoon, I settled accounts; and in the evening, cut out clothes for the poor. I don't think I have looked into the Testament, or written my journal to-day ; it leads me to remember what uncle Joseph said to me the other day, after relating or reading to me the history of Mary, who anointed our Saviour with the precious ointment, and His disciples said she might have sold it, and given to the poor, but Christ said, "The poor ye have always with you, but me ye have not always;" now I thought, as uncle Joseph remarked, I might this evening have spent too much time about the poor, that should have been spent about better things. In the Seventh Month, John Gurney travelled into the 80 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1799. North of England, accompanied by his daughters Elizabeth and Priscilla, and his son Samuel. They attended the General Meeting at the school at Ackworth : this interested Elizabeth, from bringing her into communication with several Friends. The travellers afterwards visited Sheepwash, an estate on the beautiful banks of the Wanspeck, at that time belonging to John Gurney ; they extended their journey to Edinburgh, and returned home, paying a few visits on their way. On the day when they set out on this tour is the next entry in Elizabeth's journal. Lynn, Seventh Month, 28th. This was one of the very bustling mornings, to which Earlham is subject, on any of the family leaving home. We had a quiet sort of a journey here, and though I felt sorry, yet I am now glad to be away from home, as we have lately had so much bustle, and I know I have so little cultivated or encouraged a religious state of mind ; indeed I have been in a darkish state of late, sadly erring from the path of right ; and I appeared to have gone so far out of it, that I could not get into it again, till temptation was a little lessened, which I hope it will be this journey. I think it probable, I shall be more stimulated in the right, than in the wrong path. Peterborough, 29th. Since I last wrote, I have had much to feel on account of my dear father : dearest Priscilla has also had the scarlet fever. I have felt all these things : but not in a distressing way, having more hope than fear, and both of them going on well has been a comfort to me. With regard to myself, my health has altogether continued finely ; n little more nervous trial the last day or two. But I desire to be submissive and quiet if I can, under whatever may come, if it be right that I should be tried. Having no Meeting here, we yesterday sat silently together in the family ; and I have to relate what has pained me with regard to myself. There appeared, on our first sitting down, so solemn a covering, but, notwithstanding all my covenants, and all my good desires, I flinched in spirit, and turned my mind from it, instead of feeling, " Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth ;" my great fear was, lest I should have to acknow- ledge, that I believed the promise was verified with us, " where two or three are met together in My name, there am I in the midst of them." 1809.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 145 Now, I think it very likely I should not have found myself thus called upon : but my fear was so great, that I dare not ask whether it were the right call or not, but turned from it. This has renewedly led me to see what I am, and humbly to desire, feeling my own extreme weakness and rebellious heart, that He, who has in mercy begun the work in me, will be pleased still to carry it on, and to grant ability to do that which he may require at my hands. I could almost have said, yesterday, " Let not Thine hand spare, nor Thine eye pity, until thou hast made me what Thou wouldest have me to be;" and yet, afterwards, I was more disposed to say, " Be pleased to mix mercy with judgment." I had a sweet little encouragement during my confinement; being one morning rather remarkably led to feel for a young woman whom I believed to be devoted to the world ; and that very person calling a few hours afterwards, though I did not know she was coming, I was enabled to express what I felt to her, and had to experience the truth of that text, " in the day of my power my people shall be made a willing people :" it ap- peared as if this were granted to help me through it, in my very weak state : may I show my gratitude by further obedi- ence, when power is less manifested. Earlham, 30th. I hardly know how to express myself: I have indeed passed through wonders. On the 26th, as we were sitting quietly together, (after my dear sister llichenda had left us, and my soul had bowed on my beloved father's account, of whom we had daily very poor reports,) an express arrived bringing Chenda back, saying our most dear father was so ill, that they did not expect his life would be spared. Words fall short to describe what I felt, he was so tenderly near and dear to me. We soon believed it best to set off for this place, on some accounts under great discouragement, prin- cipally from my own bodily weakness, and also the fever in the house ; but it did not appear as if we could omit it, feeling as we did ; therefore, after a tender parting with my beloved flock, my dearest Joseph, Chenda, and I with the baby, set off. 19 146 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1809. We arrived at Mildred's Court the first night, where our dear sister left us, in hopes of seeing our parent alive. In very great weakness I set off the next morning, and had, at times, great discouragements ; but many hours were comfort- ing and sweet. ~ Hearing on the road, at the different stages, that my dearest father was living, we proceeded till we arrived at Earlham, about twelve o'clock that night. We got out of the carriage, and once more, saw him who has been so inexpressibly dear to me through life, since I knew what love was ; he was asleep, but death was strongly marked on his sweet, and to me, beautiful face. Whilst in his room, all was sweetness, nothing bitter, though how I feel his loss is hard to express : but indeed I have had abundant cause to rejoice on his account. After very deep probation, his mind was strikingly visited, and consoled, at last, in passing through the valley of the shadow of death. He frequently expressed that he feared no evil, but believed that, through the mercy of God in Christ, he should be received in^glory ; his deep humility, and the tender and loving state he was in, were most valuable to those around him. He encouraged us, his children, to hold on our way ; and sweetly expressed his belief, that our love of good (in the degree we had it) had been a stimulus and help to him. The next morning he died, 'quite easily ; I was not with him, but on entering his room soon after it was over, my soul was bowed within me, in love, not only for the deceased, but also for the living, and in humble thankfulness ; so that I could hardly help uttering (which I did) my thanksgiving and praise, and also what I felt for the living, as well as the dead. I cannot understand it : but the power given was wonderful to myself, and the cross none my heart was so full that I could hardly hinder utterance. She repeated the passage from the Revelation which she afterwards uttered at the funeral, " Great and marvellous are Thy works, Lord God Almighty ; just and true are thy 1809.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 147 ways, thou King of saints." Her sister Rachel thus de- scribes it " Dear Betsy uttered thanksgiving, and a song of rejoicing, for mercy that had been so richly extended to our beloved father; and a prayer, that it might be continued to us all." I have desired since to leave this event ; but it was a glo- rious time, such an one as I never before passed through, all love, all joy, all peace, or the nearest I think to that state, that I ever experienced. I had the first night of coming, a few nervous and painful moments about the scarlet fever, on account principally of my beloved flock at home ; and a fear, whether in my weak state of body, it might not be too much for me. But love so powerfully drew me to them, that I believe I could not properly have staid away ; and indeed I have felt in my place, as far as I could tell. Should I for- sake my beloved family in the day of trouble ? I hope, and believe not ! we have had most valuable and sweetly enliven- ing times together ; all love ; I believe each of our hearts quickened, to feel fresh and renewed desire to be dedicated to His service, who has thus shown Himself in mercy to our beloved father. What can we render for all these benefits? Eleventh Month, 3rd. We attended our beloved father's funeral. Before I went, I was so deeply impressed at times, with love to all, and thanksgiving, that I doubted whether it might not possibly be my place to express it there ; but I did, the evening before, humbly crave not to be permitted to do so, unless rightly called to it. Fear of man appeared greatly taken away. I sat the meeting under a solemn quietness, though there was preaching that neither disturbed nor en- livened me much : the same words still powerfully impressed me, that had done ever since I first entered the room where the corpse was. Upon going to the grave this still continued ; under this solemn quiet calm, the fear of man appeared so much removed, that I believe my sole desire was, that the will of God might be done in me. Though it was unpleasant 148 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1809. to ine, what man might say, yet I most feared it was a tempta- tion, owing to my state of sorrow ; but that, I fully believe was not the case, as something of the kind had been on my mind so long ; but it had appeared more ripe the last few weeks, and even months, I had so often had to " rejoice in the Lord, and glory in the God of my salvation ;" that it had made me desire, that others might partake, and know how good he had been to my soul, and be encouraged to walk in those paths, which I had found to be paths of pleas- antness and peace. However, after a solemn waiting, my dear uncle Joseph spoke, greatly to my encouragement and comfort, and the removal of some of my fears. I remained still, till dearest John began to move to go away ; when it appeared as if it could not be omitted, and I fell on my knees, and began, not knowing how I should go on, with these words, " Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord God Almighty, just and true are all Thy ways, Thou King of Saints ; be pleased to receive our thanksgiving ;" and there I seemed stopped, though I thought that I should have had to express, that I gave thanks on my beloved father's account. But not feeling the power continue, I arose directly ; a quiet, calm, and invigorated state, mental and bodily, were my portion afterwards, and altogether a sweet day, but a very painful night, discouraged on every side, I could believe, by him who tries to deceive. The discouragement appeared to arise principally from what others would think, and nature flinched, and sank, but I was enabled this morning to com- mit myself in prayer. May I be preserved in future, if my life be spared, from taking Thy holy name in vain ; enable me, if Thou seest meet, to follow hard after Thee, that I may know Thy voice, Thou Shepherd and Bishop of souls, and be as one of Thy sheep ! It was my prayer this morning, to be able to turn from the subject, as my poor, weak mind felt hardly able to look at it, which was in some measure the case. This day has altogether been a comfortable one, though very low at times, and having to walk in the valley ; may I 1809.] LIFE OP ELIZABETH PRY. 149 be enabled, if it be right for me, to trust, and not to fear. I have greatly felt my beloved father's loss to-day, and yester- day ; though calm, yet I suffered much on his account ; he was in some things, like my heart's delight; I so enjoyed to please him, and was so fond of him, that to hear of the suf- ferings he passed through, before he came to a state of reconciliation, greatly affected me to-day ; but I have had more comfort on his account, ^than anything else. The great love and kindness I have received from them all, and from my uncle Joseph, has been encouraging to me ; and my husband has been a true helpmate, and sweet counsellor. Some account of this scene of bereavement, and yet of great consolation, is extracted from the journal of her sister, Rachel Gurney, and is as follows : " Monday, October 23rd, 1809. To-day my dear father expressed to me his conviction, of the necessity of prepar- ing for another world, whilst health and strength were ours ; he said, that he trusted mercy would be extended to him, for all his past errors, and infirmities ; and acknowledged thank- fully how he had been blessed with spiritual support ; al- though discouragement and heaviness had been, at times, his portion. " A paroxysm of pain, attended with great anguish of mind, caused him to speak despondingly of his condition ; and the text, * If any man say he is without sin, he is a liar, and the truth is not in him,' recurred painfully to him, until reminded of the ensuing verses, ' If any man sin, wo have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ, the righteous,' &c., which gave him some comfort, although his mind was burdened, and his spirit oppressed, by the remembrance and consciousness of sin. My sister Catherine pointed out to him the precious promise, ' To him who forgave much, shall much be forgiven,' as applying particularly to his case. This was to him a beaming consolation, and he replied, ' Few men, have, I believe, forgiven more than I have.' 150 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1809. " On Monday night, a very interesting conversation took place. My dear father spoke of the purity of the law laid down by our Saviour, extending even to the thoughts and desires, and lamented his frequent failings, and sHort-com- ings. He acknowledged that the love of religious truth, and the conscientious practice which characterized his children, had been the means of blessing and instruction to him ; and he sought their prayers in the present hour of extreme trial. " I was composedly observing a holy peace shedding its radiance on his countenance, as he sank that night to rest ; and I sat by his bed-side, in the full assurance of faith, that the Lord was present with him, notwithstanding the doubts and fears which had oppressed him. Tuesday was a mourn- ful day. Deep probation of spirit, and grievous depression from bodily illness were his portion, but he wrestled with God in prayer, and grace and help were given him. On "Wednesday morning, his mind shone forth in wonderful brightness, and although the spasms of pain which he en- dured were agonising, grace appeared to triumph, and his spirit seemed to rise out of the fiery furnace, purified by the Great Refiner. With simplicity and ardour he laid hold on the hope set before him ; trusting only in the satisfaction that has been made for sinners, by the blood of Christ. The consolation attendant upon this change in his mind was the greater, from the sore conflicts he had had to pass through in his illness, and the anguish of mind he had en- dured. " He was comforted by the presence of his children, who had assembled around him, and expressed to us with ten- derness and humble thankfulness, his deep and grateful sense, that he owed more to us than he had been able to give us, and that we had indeed been to him a strength and stimulus in all good things. He continued in the possession of joy and peace until his death, which took place on Sa- turday morning, the 28th of October, when he entered (we 1809.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 151 humbly trust) that region, where the redeemed ones rejoice in the view, as well as feel the influence, of their God." Plcushet, Eleventh Month, 16th. "We arrived here on Third-day evening ; though plunged into feeling before I arrived, I felt flat on meeting my tenderly beloved little flock. I was enabled, coming along, to crave help ; in the first place, to be made willing either to do, or to suffer, whatever was the Divine will concerning me. I also desired that I might not be so occupied with the present state of my mind, as to its religious duties, as in any degree, to omit close attention to all daily duties, my beloved husband, children, servants, poor, &c. ; but if I should be permitted to enter the humiliating path, that has appeared to be opening before me, to look w.ell at home, and not discredit the cause I desire to advocate. Last First-day morning, I had a deeply trying Meeting, on account of the words, " Be of good courage, and he will strengthen your hearts, all ye that hope in the Lord," which had impressed me towards Norwich Meeting before I went into it ; and after I had sat there a little time they came with double force, and con- tinued resting on my mind until my fright was extreme ; and it appeared almost as if I must, if I did my duty, utter them. I hope I did not wholly revolt, but I did cry in my heart, for that time to be excused, that like Samuel, I might apply to some Eli to know what the voice was that I heard ; my beloved Uncle Joseph, I thought was the per- son ; on this sort of excuse or covenant, as I may call it, a calmness was granted the rest of the Meeting, but not the reward of peace. As soon as the Meeting was over, I went to my dear uncle, and begged him to come to Earlham to see me. The conflict I had passed through was so great, as to shake my body, as well as mind, and I had reason to fear and to believe, I should have been happier, and much more relieved in mind, if I had given up to this little ser- vice ; I have felt since like one in debt to that Meeting. My dear uncle came, and only confirmed me, by his 1">- LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1809. kind advice, to walk by faith, and not by sight : ho strongly advised a simple following of what arose, and ex- pressed his experience of the benefit of giving up to it, and the confusion of not doing so. How have I desired since, not to stand in the fear of man ; but I believe it is the soul's enemy, seeking whom he may devour ; for terrible as it was, as then presented to me, and as it often had been before, yet, when some ability was granted to get through, that same enemy would have had me glory on that account. May I not give way either to one feeling or the other, but strive to look to the preserving power of God. Twelfth Month, 4th. When I have given up in the morn- ing, only to make an indifferent remark to the servants, on our reading, sweet peace has been my portion ; but when it has been presented to me, and I have not followed, far dif- ferent has been the case. In Meeting, it is such an awful matter, for the sake of others as well as myself. If it be Thy work in me, be pleased, Lord ! to grant faith and power, sufficient for the needful time ; I long to serve Thee, and to do Thy commandments, and I believe if I be faithful in the little, Thou wilt be pleased to make me ruler over more. 9th. Soon after sitting down in Meeting, (on Fourth day,) I was enabled to feel encouraged by these words, " Though the enemy come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against. him." This appeared my experi- ence, for soon the storm was quieted, and a degree even of ease was my portion. About eleven o'clock, these same words, that had done so in Norwich meeting, came feelingly over me " Be of good courage, and He will strengthen your hearts, all ye that hope in the Lord." And that, which had hitherto appeared impossible to human nature, seemed not only possible, but I believe I was willing; simply desiring that, in this new and awful undertaking, I might not lose my faith, arid that the Divine will might be done in me. Under this sense and feeling, as if I could not 1809.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 153 omit, I uttered them. Though clearness still continued, nature, in a great measure, seemed to sink under the effort afterwards, and low feelings and imaginations to have much dominion, which, in mercy, were soon relieved, and I have gone on sweetly and easily since, often even rejoicing. 11th. Surrounded with numerous outward occupations, weak in body, and at times tossed in mind, so that the wall of preservation appears almost broken down, yet my heart says, I will not fear but that I shall, at last, praise Him, whom I desire to be " the health of my countenance, and my God." I feel a wish, and great necessity of pressing hard after Him, who alone can preserve me, for when the enemy appears, to whom can I flee, but to Him, whom I de- sire to call Father ? and who has hitherto proved my merciful Protector. Be pleased to keep me in this hour ; make me, Lord ! what Thou wouldest have me to be ; enable me to become passive in Thy holy hand : mayst Thou be glorified, even if it be through my suffering ; and preserve me from ever taking, what is only Thy due, to myself. 22nd. Again, on Fourth-day, I have dared to open my mouth in public : I am ready to say, What has come to me ? Even in supplication that the work might be carried on in myself and others, and that we might be preserved from evil. My weight of deep feeling on the subject, I believe, exceeded any other time ; I was, I may say, brought into a wrestling state, that the work of the ministry in me might, if right, be carried on, if not, stopped short. I feel of myself, no power for such a work ; I may say, wholly una- ble ; yet, when the feeling and power continue, so that I dare not omit it, then what can I do ? 23rd. Giving up, to make a little remark after reading to the servants, has brought sweet peace ; indeed so far, it has appeared to me, that prompt obedience has brought me the most peace. The prospect of the Meetings next week, more particularly the Quarterly Meeting, already makes mo tremble, I can hardly say wny, but it is very awful to bo 20 154 LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. [1810. thus publicly exposed, in a work that I feel so little fitted for ; yet, I believe, it is not my own doing, nor at my own command. Plashet, First Month, ls<, 1810. It is rather awful to me entering a new year, more particularly when I look at the alterations the last has made most striking the last three months, or a little more ! First, a child born ; second, the loss of nurse ; third, my beloved father's death ; fourth, my mouth being opened in Meetings. My heart says, What can I render, for having been so remarkably and mercifully carried through these various dispensations of Providence ? I think I never knew the Divine Arm so eminently extended for my comfort, help, and deliverance ; and though of late, I may, in a degree, have had to pass through the valley of the shadow of death, yet it has not lasted long at a time, and oh, the incomings qf love, joy, and peace, that have, at other periods, arisen for my confirmation and consideration ! But the manna of yesterday, I find, will not do for to-day. 9th. In the evening of First-day, I expressed what I had long on my mind to the servants, on entering a new year, which brought sweet peace. Yesterday, we dined at my brother and sister Samuel Gurney's we met there my bro- ther and sister Hoare, and my brother Fowell Buxton ; I felt afterwards, as if I had not been enough on my guard, in conduct and conversation, indeed I awfully feel my conduct with regard to others, as well as to myself; for it appears strange for those to preach, who do not practise. Oh ! for a double watch over thought, word, and deed ! ll^A. It has been strongly impressed on me, how very little it matters, when we look at the short time we remain here, what we appear to others ; and how far too much, we look at the things 'of this life. What does it signify, what we are thought of here, so long as we are not found wanting towards our Heavenly Father ? Why should we so much try to keep something back, and not be willing to offer our- selves up to Him, body, soul, and spirit, to do with us what 1801.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 155 may seem best unto Him, and to make us what He would have us to be ? Lord ! enable me to be more and more, singly, simply, and purely obedient to Thy service ! Second Month, 5th. The first part of last week I was much occupied in arranging my new household ; at least, two new servants, housekeeper and cook. I much felt the weight of filling my place rightly towards the servants, whom I may say, I love ; how did I desire to help them, in the best sense, and that I might feel, that, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord ; I may say, there is nothing I desire so much ; and the more I know, and the more I , wish to follow Him in the way of His requirings, the more sweet do I find the path, and the more desirable does it appear. 19th. Yesterday was an awful, and to me instructive day at Plaistow Meeting. I had not sat very long, before I was brought into much feeling desire that the darkness in some minds might be enlightened ; however, no clearness of ex- pression came with it, but under a very solemn covering of the spirit of supplication, a few words offering, I, after a time gave way to utter them ; but that which appeared greatly in the cross to me, was having some words presented, to speak in testimony (ministry) afterwards, which I did, I believe, purely because I desired to serve my Master, and not to look too much to the opinion of my fellow-servants ; and there was, to me, a remarkable solemnity, and something like an owning, or accepting, of this poor little offering. I have desired, and have been in a degree enabled, to feel a little on that sure foundation ; that although the wind may blow, and the rain may descend, yet whilst I keep on this Rock, they will not be able utterly to cast me down. What a mercy, amidst the storm, to feel, ever so slightly, something of a sure foun- dation ! Thus much I know, that, even if I be mistaken in this awful undertaking, my desire is to serve Him in it, whom my soul, I may truly say, loves and delights to please. Lord ! I pray Thee, preserve Thy poor handmaid in the 156 LIFE OP ELIZABETH FRY. [1810. hour of temptation; and enable me to follow Thee in the way of Thy requirings, even if they lead me into suffering, and unto death. 31. My little has been very naughty ; his will I find very strong ; oh, that my hands may be strengthened rightly to subdue it. Lord ! I pray for help, in these im- portant duties ! I may truly say, I had rather my dear lambs should not live, than live eventually to dishonour Thy great cause ; rather may they be taken in innocency, but, if Thou seest meet, Lord ! preserve them from great evils, and be pleased in Thy abundant mercy to be with them, as Thou hast been, I believe, with their poor unworthy parents ; visit them, and revisit them, until Thou hast made them what Thou wouldest have them to be. Oh, that I could, like Hannah, bring them to Thee, to be made use of as instru- ments in Thy Holy Temple ! I ask nothing for them, in comparison of Thy love ; and above all blessings, that they may be vessels in Thy House ; this blessing I crave for them, that they may be employed in Thy service, for indeed I can bow and say what honour, what joy so great, as in ever so small a measure, to serve Thee, Lord ! Mildred's Court, Sixth Month, ~Lst. Yesterday I attended the funeral of our beloved Anna Reynolds, whose death has been deeply felt by me. We had, I think, I may truly say, a glorious time, for the power of the most High, appeared to overshadow us : a belief of her being in safety, has bowed my soul prostrate, in humble thankfulness, and renewedly led me to desire to prove my gratitude for such unspeakable mercy, as has been showed my near and beloved relations, by my Jove and entire dedication. I uttered a few words in supplication, at the ground ; my uncle Joseph, my cousin Priscilla, and many others beautifully ministered ; after Meeting, I might truly say, my cup ran over, such sweetness covered my mind. After a solemn time in the family, with dear cousin Priscilla, and Ann Crowley, I ventured on my knees, praying, that His Holy Hand would not spare, nor 1810.] LIFE OF ELIZABETH FRY. 157 His eye pity, until He made us what he would have us to be ; only I craved, that He would not forsake us, but, let us be made in some small measure sensible, that He was with us, and that it was His rod, and His staff, that we depended upon. Through heights, and through depths, through riches, and through poverty ; may it alone be my will, to do the will of the Father ! Plashet, 2d. I have found it pleasant and refreshing, being again with my beloved family in this sweet place. I have desired that the time spent in the Yearly Meeting, and what I have received there, may return as bread cast upon the waters. To an early friend, and guest at Mildred's Court, she writes, describing her outward circumstances, and mental exercises, about this time. Plashet, Seventh Month, 1810. My beloved Friend, As I have been much with thee in mind this morning, I feel inclined to tell thee how sincerely I love thee ; I believe in that love which neither time nor distance can affect. Looking back to some account of what I passed through when thou wast at our house long ago, and how nearly I felt united to thee, has brought thee to my remembrance. I have often felt disposed to write to thee, since thou left England, but did not feel my letters worth sending so far ; many changes have taken place, since we were together, perhaps more remarkably to me ; we have now six little children, three girls and three boys, all well and lovely, and much enjoyment they give us, though at times in looking to their best interest, we are ready to tremble for them : may we do our part, so that we can in faith and humble confidence, look to Him who can alone bless our endeavours. All our beloved parents arc taken from us, the loss of my own father, as thou mayst suppose, was a close trial, but 1 am ready to believe and hope, it brought its blessings to many of us ; the great 158 LIFE OP ELIZABETH FRY. [1810. mercy he received at last, from his having a sweet hope and confidence, that, through the mercy of his Redeemer, it -would be well with him, proved to my mind, I think, the strongest excitement to gratitude I ever experienced, so much so, that it appeared to break the ice for me, and on my knees I pub- licly expressed my thankfulness. This matter of publicly exposing myself, in this way, has been for many years struggling in my mind, long before I married, and once or twice when with thee, in London, I hardly knew how to dare to refrain. The past I must leave, but I am ready to think extreme unwillingness to give up to this matter, has kept me longer than I need have been, in a lukewarm, and at times wilderness estate ; however, since a way has thus been made for me, it appears as if I dare not stop the work ; if it be a right one, may it go on and prosper, if not, the sooner stopped, the better. I can hardly doubt, if I am only enabled to cling fast to Him, whose work I believe it is, that I shall experience preservation, though I find my state a new one : I do not understand myself, and I find I must walk by faith, and not by sight ; at times I am permitted to abound, and to feel power that I cannot but believe to be beyond myself, at others, brought very low, poor, weak and almost miserable ; my faith tried as to a hair's breadth ; yet through all, I have found abundant cause for thanksgiving and praise. Eighth Month, 10th. I have thought this morning, I may in a measure adopt the language of the blessed Virgin, " My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God- my Saviour." May my being led out of my own family, by what appear to me duties, never be permitted to hinder my doing my duty fully towards it, or so occupy my atten- tion, as to make me, in any degree, forget or neglect home duties. I believe it matters not where we are, or what we are about, so long as we keep our eye fixed on doing the great Master's work, and that whatever we do, may be done to His glory. When I feel as I do to-day, what a glorious 1801.] LIFE OP ELIZABETH FRY. 159 service it is, (though we may have, at times, to pass through great trial and poverty,) and rememher how in these little religious services, I have been helped and carried through, and that, as I expressed before, my soul hath, in a measure, been able to magnify the Lord, and my spirit to rejoice in God its Saviour, I fear for myself, lest even this great mercy should prove a temptation, and lead me to come before I am called, or enter service I am not prepared for; but in all these things, I have but one place of safety, to take refuge in. Be pleased, then, Lord ! Thou who knowest my heart, and all its temptations ; be pleased to preserve me, and enable me, if Thou seest meet, to do Thy will, in strength and in weakness, when it leads to the hardest crosses, as well as into the way of rejoicing. Earlham, Ninth Month, 1st. Yesterday I had much con- versation with my beloved sisters Rachel and Richenda, upon their religious experience, and present belief. At the time, I felt very fully strengthened, to express my mind, and not to shrink ; and I believe I did no hurt ; but I have felt, and still feel very low ; much pressed down ; why, I cannot tell ; they represent their case clearly, but can I, after what I have felt, known, and experienced, doubt the truth of this blessed principle, the sensible and constant direction of the Spirit of God in man ? The head and judgment of man is most frail, or it would not twist so many ways ; the work of religion must be in the heart, and if that become sanctified by the great " I am," and brought low before Him, and our wills be brought into subjection to the Divine will, and He become our all in all ; then the great work, appears to me accom- plished in us. Plashct, 10