EVERYDAY MANNERS LIBRARY Connecticut Agricultural College Vol. 1 o 031 Class No. ? "? iT (^55 Cost / OJ Date %UcuuJL I J. 1917 BOOK 395. P53 c 1 !<>';.' i^/^. 'k may be kept out EVERYDAY MANNERS THE MACMILLAN COMPANY NEW YORK • BOSTON • CHICAGO DALLAS • ATLANTA • SAN FRANCISCO MACMILLAN & CO., Limited LONDON • BOMBAY • CALCUTTA MELBOURNE THE MACMILLAN CO. OF CANADA, Ltd. TORONTO EVERYDAY MANNERS for AMERICAN BOYS AND GIRLS for -CS f5 BY THE FACULTY OF THE SOUTH PHILADELPHIA HIGH SCHOOL FOR GIRLS ILLUSTRATED BY ETHEL C TAYLOR iBtehj got* THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 1926 COPTRIGHT, 1922, bt the macmillan company. Set up and electrotyped. Published April, 1922. Reprinted June, 1922 ; September 6, 1922 ; September 15, 1922; December, 1922; April 5, 1923; April 21, 1923; September, 1923; January, May, 1926. 1003J PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA BY BERWICK & SMITH CO. I find increasing numbers of men and women whose America seems to be the same as mine. . . . But it is true no less that there are many- Americas today . . . In the infancy of our adventure, America is a mystic word. We go forth all to seek America, and in the seeking we create her. In the quaUty of the search shall be the America that we create. — Waldo Frank. If manners make the man, manners are the woman herself; because with her they are the outward and visible token of her inward and spiritual grace, or disgrace, and flow instinc- tively, whether good or bad, from the instincts of her inner nature . . . For my part, I should hke to make every man, woman, and child whom I meet, discontented with themselves, even as I am discontented with my- self. I should hke to awaken in them that divine discontent which is the parent, first of upward aspiration, and then of self-control, thought, effort to fulfil that aspiration, even in part. — Charles Kingsley. THE EVOLUTION OF THE BOOK There was to be a parents' reception given by the Freshman Class and the teachers of EngHsh were asked to see that the young people not only wrote invitations to their parents, but that they knew how to meet the other social obHgations of the occasion. Therefore, in- vitations were discussed and practiced, along with bits of conversation to '^keep any one from feehng em- barrassed.'^ Interest spread like wildfire. Even Seniors asked why they weren't being ''taught manners" like the Freshmen. It was a short step then to the conviction that our pupils really wanted suggestions as to conduct on special and other occasions. When we began by letting them discuss what to do at a dance, we could not have stopped had we wished to do so. A committee was formed and a manual of manners compiled. A second committee undertook to plan how to get it across to the school; and dramatizations, shadowgraphs, and discussions followed. The possi- bihties of arousing real enthusiasm and interest were apparent. Another committee undertook to amplify the manual, and Everyday Manners is the result. The evolution of the book is obviously a logical and normal story of supply and demand. vii viii THE EVOLUTION OF THE BOOK The members of the original Manners Committee were — Katherine G. Carpenter, Chairman Amelie Beaudoux OHve Ely Hart Florence M. Lippincott Helen M. Price Minnie E. Schweiker Ruth Wanger Dorothy Wetherald Helen D. M. White The name of each teacher who wrote even a portion of any chapter has been added to the table of contents. It must be acknowledged, however, that this Httle book is an example of very real cooperation, and that many have helped in its compilation whose names are not recorded. Grateful acknowledgment is here made of the splen- did work of my fellow editors, Ruth Wanger and Olive Ely Hart. Lucy L. W. Wilson South Philadelphia High School for Girls Philadelphia, September, 1921. TABLE OF CONTENTS FOREWORD Lucy L. W. Wilson PART ONE. AT HOME CHAFTEB I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. XI. XII. XJII. XIV. XV. XVI. XVIL XVIII. XIX. Table Manners .... Manners in the Family Introductions .... Manners with Older People — AND Some Other Matters At the Telephone {See also Business Manners) In Regard to Private Prop- erty Having a Guest . . . . Being a Guest . . . . Invitations and Refresh- ments Entertainment . . . . Dress Girls and Boys . . . . Gifts Ruth W anger Ruth W anger . Ruth Wanger Ruth Wanger Ruth Wanger Julia K. Nusbaum Mary Moriarty . Mary Moriarty . Ruth Wanger Ruth Wanger Janet Baird . Beatrice H. Ryers Olive Ely Hart . PART TWO. IN SCHOOL Assembly Manners . In the Corridors Classroom Manners Lunch Room Manners Student Government Manners in Games . ix Amelie Beaudoux . Minnie E. Schweiker Mildred D. Williams Minnie E. Schweiker Ruth Wanger . . Ruth Wanger 1 14 18 23 26 28 31 34 38 41 45 52 59 65 68 71 75 77 78 X TABLE OF CONTENTS PART THREE. IN PUBLIC PLACES CHAPTER PAGE XX. In Trolley Cars and on the Street Margaret Patchell . 83 XXI. In Stations, Dining Cars, AND Restaurants . . . Florence Lippincott . 90 XXII. In Stores and Places of Amusement Caroline W. Thome 93 PART FOUR. IN BUSINESS XXIII. Business Manners . . . Helen D. M. White . 99 PART FIVE. A LAST WORD XXIV. A Last Word Ruth Wanger . . 109 FOREWORD Mabel and Edwin were talking of their cousin, Roger, who had just come to their home town to live. They had entertained him several times, and he had taken them out in his car. He seemed to have no other friends, and the brother and sister were speaking of his loneliness. 'Td like to do what I can for him,'^ said Edwin. ^^He would enjoy meeting my friends, I am sure; but his manners are so awful that I don't feel that I can take him to their homes.'' ^'Yes, I know," Mabel answered; ^Ho see him eat you would think him haK civilized. He puts his face away down close to his plate, and shovels in his food. It's disgusting." ^'Yes, and he is so critical," went on Edwin. ^^He picks to pieces everything people do, as though he were perfect." '^It's his idea of making conversation," said Mabel. "He simply doesn't know how to be courteous and pleasant, though dear knows, he's old enough. Why, when one of my friends came to the porch last night when he was here, he didn't even know enough to get a chair for her, — let her drag it up herself. She's not keen to see him again, you may be sure." xii FOREWORD "The point is/' Edwin said seriously, ^'can we do anything about it? Shall we tell him, or shall we let him go his own way?'' How many of us are talked over in the same way? How many of us would like to know how to be courteous and pleasant, yet do not know how to do just the right thing at the right time? Agonies of embarrassment, lonely evenings, wretched moments of indecision, snubs from acquaintances, might be avoided if only we had the key to each situation. In this little book, we try to give you the key. But remember, the key does not fit the lock unless the hand that holds it is steadied by a sincere and kindly interest in others. Forms of courtesy are empty ceremonies unless prompted by really sympathetic and friendly feehng. We can give you the key. You yourself must guide it aright. Turn to the Table of Contents. It is not necessary to begin at the beginning. Are you more interested in some other chapter than in the one on table manners? Very well; let us read that one first. PART ONE AT HOME EVERYDAY MANNERS CHAPTER I Table Manners "The Goops they lick their fingers, And the Goops they Uck their knives; They spill their broth on the tablecloth — Oh, they lead disgusting lives! The Goops they talk while eating, And loud and fast they chew; And that is why I'm glad that I Am not a Goop — are you? " DoN^T be a Goop ! Which of your friends have good manners at the table? What pleases you most in their manners? Is it the way in which they handle their food? Their positions at the table? Their conversation at the table? Eating is not a very attractive process, but in these busy days, meal time affords one of the few opportuni- ties we have for meeting and greeting our friends. For that reason, the unattractive part of eating should be made as inconspicuous as possible, so that the social part of the meal can be emphasized. If you handle your silver and consume your food just as your neigh- bors do, your manner of eating is unnoticed, and you can dine without embarrassment and be welcome at any 1 2 EVERYDAY MANNERS table. If, however, your table manners are unusual and peculiar, you at once become conspicuous; you embar- rass your hostess; and your peculiarities may be so re- volting as to take away the appetite and upset the con- versation of others at the table. This being the case, you find yourself unwelcome, perhaps ignored and laughed at, because of your clumsy and unpleasant maneuvers. Consequently, it is necessary to know and to follow the customs that have been accepted by those who have learned best how to be agreeable to, and considerate of, their fellow men. First of all, be prompt at your meals. It is very trying to the person who planned the meal to have people come in late. If there are guests, allow them to enter first, and in any case, if those partaking of the meal come from the same room, the men and boys stand aside for the women to pass first, except when arrangement has been made for people to enter with partners. At the table, remain standing until all have arrived, or until the mother, or the hostess, or whoever is at the head of the table, gives the signal for sitting. It is a pleasant courtesy for a man to pull back the chair of the woman next to him, and then push it in toward the table for her as she sits down. Do not begin to eat until all have been served. The silver at your place is usually arranged in the order in which you will use it — beginning at the outside. If soup is served, fill your spoon away from you, al- ways, not toward you. If this rule is observed, there TABLE MANNERS 3 is less danger of letting drops fall on the tablecloth or on your clothes. Soup should always be eaten from the side of the spoon, never from .1 e j_ rr j.' 1 It is casv to know the front. If you notice people u^hich fork"; begin while they eat, you can see how ^^ the outside. much less awkward it is to eat from the side than to push your spoon straight into your mouth, as though you meant to swallow it. See that "Eat at your table as you would eat at the table of a Idng," you put the soup into your mouth quietly. Never suck it from the spoon with a noise; a noisy soup eater is most distressing to his neighbors. When you put down your spoon, if soup plates are used, leave the spoon in the plate. If bouillon cups are used instead, never leave the spoon in the cup, but put it in the saucer. AVhen fish is served, it is eaten by means of the fork only, except in those rather rare cases where a fish knife is provided. Fish bones may be removed from the 4 EVERYDAY MANNERS mouth by means of the fork, or by the fingers. Often the latter method is a safer way of getting the bones to your plate. You should, as far as possible, avoid taking the bones into your mouth ; and, when removing any, should shield your mouth with your napkin. When the main course is served, you may be asked your preference in regard to the cuts of meat. If so, and if you have a preference, express You won't starve if •. rr x i j ^ i i_ x you help the other ]^' ^^ ^^^ ^'^ ^^^ ^^^^^^ ^^^^ ^^^^^^ fellow first. ^^ served you without comment. If the vegetables are placed on the table, help to pass them. If the table is set correctly, you will always find a tablespoon beside the vegetable dish, and it is your part in picking up the dish, to put the spoon into it, and pass the dish to your neighbor. In case your neighbor is occupied, it may be more con- venient and less conspicuous to help yourself first. Never reach across the table or in front of a person for anything you desire, but ask the person nearest to pass the article. Try to anticipate the needs of your guests, so as to offer them what they need before they are obliged to ask. Always take bread with your fingers, never with your fork. The same is true of olives or radishes, or any food which is not provided with its own spoon or fork. Such dishes are ordinarily those that contain food which you eat from your fingers. Always use the butter knife provided to help yourself to butter. It is exceedingly bad form to help yourself from any dish with your own individual silver. TABLE MANNERS 5 In cutting your meat, be careful not to hold your knife and fork as weapons. The knife should be held easily in the right hand, with the en • 1 xT_ T_ 1 Remember you are forefinger running along the back .^ . of the blade near the handle. The fork, in the left hand, should be held with the prongs down, and the forefinger extended along the handle. Keep your arms close to your sides — never with the elbows out. The latter position produces an awkward appearance and frequently causes real annoyance and inconvenience to your neighbors. Never cut more than one mouthful of meat at a time. It is decidedly out of place to cut up all of your meat at once. When you have cut off a small piece, the general rule is to rest your knife across your plate, transfer your fork to your right hand, with the prongs up, and so pick up and eat with your fork what has been cut. (It is permissible, however, to keep the fork in the left hand, prongs down, and so eat your meat. This method prevails in England.) Vegetables should be eaten with the fork whenever possible. If a vegetable is served in liquid or nearly liquid form, it may be eaten with a spoon. When not in use. It is only babies ,, 1111 11 1 i who need spoons for the spoon should be allowed to ^jj ^j^^j^. ^^^^ rest in the dish with which it be- longs. It should never be put back on the tablecloth. Just so, with the knife and fork; after they have been picked up, they should never rest anywhere but on the plate. They should not be put back on the tablecloth, 6 EVERYDAY MANNERS or allowed to lean against the plate. For one thing, they are no longer perfectly clean, and it is unsanitary to spread the germs from your hands and mouth to the tablecloth. Moreover, leaning them against your plate puts them in your way, and is likely to cause accidents. In passing your plate for a second helping, leave your knife and fork side by side on your plate — do not remove them. When you have finished, put your knife and fork in this same position. Never spread a whole piece of bread at one time at the table. Break the piece in halves, and if one half is more than two or three small mouthfuls, break it again, and spread just one little piece at a time. If a bread and butter plate is provided, your bread, of course, belongs there. If none is provided, rest your bread on your dinner plate, if possible. If that is too crowded, all but the piece you have buttered may rest on the tablecloth. The buttered piece must rest on your plate. At one time it was considered good form to leave a little food on the plate. Our lessons in thrift during the Of course, Jack wsly, however, taught us that it is Spratt was allowed better to take no more than we to lick the platter want, and then to eat what is set ^^®^^- before us, simply avoiding any im- pression of scraping the plate. A hostess is more flat- tered by a normally good appetite than by one which is too dainty. The latter makes her feel that you do not like her food. TABLE MANNERS 7 As coffee is often served with the main course, we may consider it here. Be careful, in helping yourself to sugar, to use the spoon provided — never your own spoon. Your spoon may be used in tasting your coffee and to stir it, but any stirring should be done very lightly and noiselessly. When the coffee is satisfactory to your taste, the spoon should rest in the saucer. It must never be left in the cup. It looks awkward if left there, and may lead to the upsetting of your cup. Always drink from your cup — never from your saucer — and never pour your coffee into your saucer to cool it. Never blow on it to cool it. If it is too hot, allow it to stand in the cup until it becomes cool enough to drink. The salad course is often a problem. It is a general rule in this country that the fork alone shall be used in eating salad. Lettuce and other foods used in a salad can ordinarily be divided by means r ^^- ^r . . ^ -^ 1 • / - «. Is this your Waterloo? 01 a fork, and the rule is to cut on with your fork just as much as you wish to take in your mouth at one time. Be careful never to let the fork rest anywhere but on the salad plate. Desserts must be handled according to their kind. Ice cream is eaten with a spoon unless an ice cream fork is provided. Pie is eaten with a r 1 -1 rx 1 Don't suck your fork, as is also very soft cake, or f t f • a piece of watermelon. Most other cream Eat it. desserts are eaten with a spoon. If the dessert is served in a cup or high standing dish, 8 EVERYDAY MANNERS with a plate under it, the spoon should be allowed to rest on the plate rather than in the dish. It is customary, when the meal consists of more than one course, to remove the soiled dishes before the new course is served, as broken food and soiled plates are not an appetizing sight. Never stack your dishes in front of you. Leave them as they are when you finish eating, and let your hostess remove them or have them removed to suit herself. If you are the hostess, remove the dishes quietly, taking at one time only what you can carry in your two hands without stacking or piling. There are a few general rules that have been omitted, and that are most important. One is, never to pick up a dish from the table and hold it while you eat. The dishes belong on the table, and if you are too lazy to carry the food from the table to your mouth, or too careless to get it there safely, you should eat in private, rather than with other people. If you must play, ^^^.^^ pl^y ^.j^j^ y^^^. g-j^.^j, your hostess will ex- ^.t t i -i it , ,- Never lick your silver — kmfe, cuse you from the ^ ' table. lork, or spoon; also, never lick your fingers. Many people have formed the habit of resting on the left arm while they feed themselves with the right. This is distinctly discourteous. You would not think of lying down while a friend called on you, or while you called on her. It is just as bad to recline while eating and denotes laziness and disregard of those present- TABLE MANNERS 9 Between courses, while talking, it is sometimes permis- sible to rest the elbows on the table; but one should never sprawl. Never come to the table untidily or slovenly dressed. No one's appetite is improved by looking at hair curlers, suspenders, and soiled shirtwaists or shirts. See that your face, hands, and nails are clean, and that your clothes are not only clean, but neat. Never smack your lips over your food. Your lips should be kept closed while you are chewing your food. Never pick your teeth at the table, or in public. A toothpick may be used in your own room, if necessary. The conversation at the table should always be pleasant, and of a kind in which all may take part. If disagreeable things must be said, ^ ,, , , , •4. ^-1 ^u 1- 4-1.1 Don't be a gloom I wait until the meal is over, so that no one's appetite will be ruined. Be very sure, too, to avoid speaking of subjects which call up unpleasant pictures. It is never permissible to discuss a surgical operation, or a bad illness, or death, or to describe filth, or mention vermin, while at the table. The pleasant est part of a meal should be the conversation. Pleasant talk aids digestion and makes the food more palatable. A hostess's luncheon or dinner is remembered rather for the conversation indulged in, than for the excellence of her food. Be careful not to monopolize the conver- sation. There are usually others at the table as inter- esting as, or more interesting than, you. You should show especial care in this respect when older people are 10 EVERYDAY MANNERS present. In the latter case, it is your place to stay in the background unless there is a distinct need or call for your conversation. Never, by any chance, talk when your mouth is full. If you eat slowly, taking small bites, you will seldom be caught at a disadvantage. However, if addressed when your mouth is full, let the person who has addressed you await your answer. Do not risk the embarrassment and the possible disaster resultant from an immediate reply. Never read at the table unless you are the only one there. If an accident occurs at the table, if you drop your spoon, or upset your cup, the misfortune is bad enough. . . , , .„ , Do not make it worse by calling Accidents will happen. ,^ ,. ^ -. -, , i , i attention to it, but remedy the difficulty as quietly as possible. If you need the spoon you have dropped, and your hostess does not notice your difficulty and supply another, the only thing left for you to do is to pick it up and wipe it on your napkin. If you upset your cup, repair the difficulty as best you can with your napkin. Remember that your embarrass- ment spoils the enjoyment of those present; so remedy the difficulty quickly and lead the conversation away from the accident. Remember that if you have a bad cold, you are an unpleasant table companion, and be as inconspicuous ^, ^ . ,, as possible. If it is necessary to The danger signal! , ^ i i • i i cough, turn your head aside and cover your mouth with your handkerchief. For pro- TABLE MANNERS 11 longed coughing, leave the table. If you find it neces- sary to blow 3^our nose, ask to be excused from the table, and return as soon as possible. Remain seated until all have finished, unless this is absolutely impossible. It is the place of the hostess, or person at the head of the table, to give the signal for rising. If you have an important engagement, you may excuse yourself quietly before the others are ready to leave. In your own home, or where you are a guest for more than one meal, fold your napkin and leave it beside your plate. When you are a guest for only one meal, it is unnecessary to fold your napkin. In passing out of the room, men let women go first. Knowing the right thing to do is very different from being able to do it when the need arises. Good table manners come only from continual practice of the right w^ay of doing things. In our own homes is the right place to learn, by carefully observing good form at every meal. This not only prepares us for emergencies, but enables us to show to our families the respect we should feel for them. '^If you always eat as if in the presence of the King, you will have no need to blush should the King summon you to meat." problems: who will solve them? 1. How shall we interest all the children in the school in good table manners? A play at Assembly, did you say? Suppose that we try it out here in the classroom first. Let us look over the chapter again 12 EVERYDAY MANNERS to see what there is that will suggest effective and interesting scenes. 2. What characters shall we need and how shall they ap- pear? Yes, your plan of a series of scenes, beginning with the gradual gathering of the family, one child coming in after the others are seated, is good. It is true that the mother may be able to praise one and quietly correct another in the middle of an otherwise inter- esting conversation, but that must be carefully managed. 3. Who can suggest anything else? In one school, instead of a play, the children arranged a shadow- graph. Probably you can guess what that means, even if you have never seen one. A table with two children at dinner was set up on the stage behind a lantern screen. Of course, a large sheet might have been used as a screen. The room was darkened, but as much light as possible was turned on behind the screen. The children, the dishes, and the table looked like black silhouettes, or shadows. A third child, one who spoke very distinctly and easily, explained to the audience the right and wrong way to eat and behave at the table. After each description, the shadows illustrated in action what she had described in words. She was careful to describe the good way twice, first and last, with the wrong way between. 4. How can we help the children in this school not only to know good table manners when they see them, but also to form the habit of good table manners, so that finally they do not even think about them, and yet always practice them? Manners, like swimming or any other sport, must be learned through practice. Just to understand the rules is not enough. Why not try to break a bad habit by substituting a good habit for it? Keep a record of your success or failure each day, and report upon it at the end of the week. Make a report on the table manners of other people, particularly if you are fortunate enough to see some one with beautiful manners. TABLE MANNERS 13 5. Here are some good manners slogans that you may remember while at the table : Eat at your table as you would eat at the table of a king. — Confucius. Mend your manners! Manners count! Eventually good manners; why not now? CHAPTER II Manners in the Family 'Twas a misty, moisty morning And cloudy was the weather, When I met an old man All clothed in leather. He began to compliment, And I began to grin, "How do you do, and how do you do. And how do you do again?" Always start the day with a pleasant '^Good morn- ing" to those you meet. This includes your family. You will find it has the same effect Ihin^'T'ImUe ^''^" ^' ^^^^ described in the rhyme above. Even if the weather is bad, and one feels disagreeable, a pleasant greeting helps to spread cheer. 14 MANNERS IN THE FAMILY 15 There are people who think that courtesy is merely a matter of form. The manners of such people are not worth much. Sincere good manners require that a person be helpful and kind at all times, which means that good manners are closely associated with one's daily work. If you would cultivate the better kind of courtesy, there are many opportunities to do so in your own home life. Boys, never let your mother carry coal, beat rugs, or go to the store when she is tired, if you can do the work for her. Show your appreciation ^ ,^ , , . , , . , ,. , . , Don^t be a shirk, of her by drying the dishes m the evening, so that she may get an opportunity to rest. Help your mother when she is tired. Girls, you can at least make the beds, straighten the living room, and, in the evening, wash the dishes even if you are attending school. On Saturday and Sunday you have your opportunity to learn to cook and clean and to give your mother a little play time. Sometimes your mother wants to be so very kind to 16 EVERYDAY MANNERS you that she tells you you need not help. The next time she does it, remember your manners and fall to work. Outsiders judge you largely by the way you treat your mother. Do not impose your work on your little sisters and brothers. Always do more than they do, as you are bigger than they; and help them Here's where age ^ i, +u x- j a^ ^ ^ ^ out when they are tired. You can comes first. *; never expect them to be considerate if you do not set a good example. Work quickly and carefully and quietly. If you put your best efforts into your task, you will find yourself enjoying it. A thorough piece of work, no matter what it may be, is always a great satisfaction to the doer. Aside from this, you should endeavor to do your work Endeavor to do your work cheerfully. cheerfully, because your mother is very little benefited by your labor if you are cross and disagreeable. Remem- ber too that the skill and ease with which you accomplish the small home tasks are the best possible preparation for the big tasks you will meet later on. MANNERS IN THE FAMILY 17 Take care of the things you handle while you are working around the house. Do not let the baby's doll be broken, or your sister's book be mislaid. Do not throw into the waste , course, you never . , leave your thmgs paper basket the composition over j^ about. which your brother has toiled hard, even though he has left it very untidily on the table. Your good breeding shows nowhere more markedly than in the care you take of the things other people value. Always thank a member of your family for any favor as graciously as you would an outsider, and remember that 'Tlease" is a helpful word anywhere. Don't say '' Thanks"; it sounds ungracious. ''Many thanks, Mother" or ''Thank you, Fred" are much pleasanter expressions of appreciation. problems: who will solve them? 1. Suppose that a child has never formed the habit of greeting his family with a smiUng "Good morning!" — how can he learn to do it? What may make it difficult at first? How can he overcome this difficulty? 2. Each of you may make a list of things that you might do when you go home to-day that would help your mother. How can you get into the habit of helping her every day? 3. What do you think of beginning now a manners drive? You must do the planning for slogans, posters, scenes, plays, tags. These all help to arouse interest and to fix facts. Here are two suggestions for manners slogans. Can you add others? Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy. — Emerson. Family intimacy should never make brothers and sisters forget to be polite to each other. — Silvia Pellico. CHAPTER III Introductions If your mother enters the living room while you have a caller, rise quickly and introduce your guest. ^ ' Mother, this is Anna Smith, a classmate of en company mine. Anna, this is my mother." comes I rr^i . 1 . Ill 1 The mtroduction would be the same in form in the case of a boy. Ask your mother if she will join you, offer her the most comfortable chair, and explain to her what you and your friend are doing or planning. If your mother feels that she cannot take part in your occupation, she will not remain, but she will be pleased to know that you want her. It is never your place to indicate that there is no room for her in your group. Always give her the opportunity to decide whether or not she will join you. Your new friends can judge very quickly whether you are a safe person to cultivate by your manner to your parents. Your father should receive the same courtesy. ^'Father, you remember Jack Bolton, don't you? Jack, you've met my Dad before." In all introductions it is a safe rule to follow, that you present young people to older people; less distinguished people to more distinguished people. ''Miss IIa5rvvard, may I introduce (or present) my chum, Anna Smith?" After giving the introduction, it is courteous to add a 18 INTRODUCTIONS 19 word or two explaining those introduced to each other, or opening a topic of conversation in which both are interested. '^Dr. Radner, this is the friend who hiked to New York ^^ P^°P^^ ^^^ ^^* ... 1 , n Tr names only, it would With me last summer. If you are , ^ ^„^ ^ be easy. introducing two older people — say a teacher and your mother — "Mother, I want you to know Miss Jones" is correct, if the teacher is younger than your mother and, as a rule, unless you feel that the teacher is entitled to even greater respect than your mother. A man is always presented to a woman and a boy to a girl — "Anna, this is Jack Bolton. Jack, this is Anna Smith." If you have to introduce one person to a small group, you may say : "I want you all to meet my friend, Anna Smith (or Jack Bolton)." ''Anna (or Jack), this is Irma Gaynor, Harry Bennett," and so on, giving each one in order around the room a personal introduction. If a person arrives late at a gathering, and the others are already engaged, introduce the latecomer only to such persons as are not disturbed thereby, waiting until a convenient time to introduce the others. Never command an introduction. It is bad form to say, "Meet Mr. Jones," or "Shake hands with Mr. Jones." The words as used above in the explanation are satisfactory, though in a very formal introduction you may say, "Mother, may I present Mr. Jones? Mr. Jones, my mother, Mrs. Brown." 20 EVERYDAY MANNERS The introduction should be given immediately. It is very embarrassing to any one to come up to talk to you and find you with a stranger to whom you do not at once introduce him. It suggests that for some reason you do not want these two people to meet. Each one may secretly feel — ^' She (or he) is ashamed to know me.'' Even if that is not the case, the conversation will very likely be stilted and halting while each of your friends waits for you to perform the courtesy you have overlooked. If you are the person who is being introduced, there is a certain courtesy demanded of you. Rise, if a friend is introducing you to his or her mother or father, or to any older person and remain standing until the older person is seated. Do not offer to shake hands unless they do, but be ready to accept their overtures of friendliness. Say, ''How do you do, Mrs. Jones (or Mr. Jones)?" Girls, if a friend is introducing you to his or her sister, or to a girl whom you know to be a good friend of his or hers, rise and offer your hand. If a boy is being introduced to you, you need not rise if you are seated. If you wish to express cordiality, however, you may meet him halfway by extending your hand. Boys, rise, but let the girl take the initiative about shaking hands and be ready to respond to her The other fellow j- i\l rr u • • x , , cordiality, it you are being mtro- may feel worse *^ \ ° about it than you do. ^^^^^ ^^ another boy, or other boys, always rise and shake hands. Never allow any feeling of awkwardness to keep you from doing what you know to be correct. INTRODUCTIONS 21 Do not say ^'Glad to meet you." By its flippancy, the phrase loses any real meaning. ^^How do you do, Miss Jones, or Mr. Smith?" is sufficient. To repeat the person's name in this fashion not only helps to fasten it in your mind, but shows the person whom you are meeting that you are sufficiently interested to listen for his or her name. If you care to, you may then add something of this sort: "I have been hoping to meet you; Anna talks so much of you," or ^^ I am very glad to know such a good friend of Anna's." If an introduction seems a mere formality and you do not expect to become better acquainted with the person to whom you are introduced, do not -p. ,. ,^ shake hands, merely smile and say, ''How do you do?" If you are being introduced as one of a group, a smile and bow are sufficient. If you are being introduced to a group, recognize each in turn by a smile, an inclination of the head, and if possible by a repetition of the name. If a friend fails to introduce you to some one in a group, you yourself must rise to the occasion. In a general conversation, join in and talk as though you had been introduced. If you find yourself seated near the person you have not met, you might say, ''I do not believe that we have met. I am Anna Smith." And the other should at once introduce herself or himself, ''And I am Jack Bolton, Miss Smith." Another method of introducing yourself, when you know who the person is, is to say, "You are Jack 22 EVERYDAY MANNERS Bolton, aren't you? I am Clara's friend, Anna Smith." problems: who will solve them? 1. Charles has invited two other boys to spend the evening with him developing films. His mother and father are in the li\ing room when the boys arrive. How shall Charles introduce his friends? How shall he suggest their going to his room to work? 2. Irene White is studying her lessons with two friends, Mary and Kate, when her mother enters the room. Mrs. Wliite has never met Kate. How shall Mary properly greet Mrs. White? How shall Irene introduce Kate? What remarks can Irene's mother and Kate exchange that will relieve the embarrassment that such meetings sometimes cause? 3. Anna's friend, Mary, from another town is visiting her. Anna has invited Dorothy, George, Henry, and Walter to spend the evening. Mary does not know any of the four guests. Plan a scene in which Dorothy and two of the boys arrive to- gether. See that proper introductions are made and that the first ice of formality is broken. The third boy arrives late. See that he is made one of the group as soon as possible. 4. Charles meets at a dance a girl that he has not seen for some time. She introduces to him two or three boys and girls who are standing with her. Plan the introductions, and let Charles ask one of the girls to dance. She may accept or refuse. 5. Plan and dramatize other such scenes as will give you a chance to practice the sort of introductions that you think you may need to make. Remember that only by practice can you hope to gain ease and graciousness in meeting social requirements. 6. Add other slogans to these: The greater man the greater courtesy. — Tennyson. Politeness is to do and say The kindest thing in the kindest way. CHAPTER IV Manners with Older People — and Some Other Matters Rise when older people enter the room and see that they are comfortably seated before you yourself sit down. In offering your own chair to some one, do not stand in front of it as though you did not really want it taken, but push it a bit forward invitingly and then move away to show that your offer is sincere. Be especially courteous when conversing with older people. Never interrupt them, and if asked to ex- press yourself, do so with modesty. A n 1 Somebody has said it A really clever young person , , , knows that his opinions are crude and worth little beside those of more experienced men and women. It shows stupidity as well as rudeness to assert yourself loudly and perhaps contradict flatly what older people have said. You may not agree with them, but listen very courteously to what they have to say; and, if asked your opinion, give it very simply and deferentially. Notice the needs of older people and be quick in meeting them. If a glove or a u n f ^ ] • J J -r The exercise is ball 01 worsted is dropped, or it , , ,1 good for you. some one mislays his or her glasses or feels a draught from a window, pick up the glove 23 24 EVERYDAY MANNERS or ball, find the glasses, or close the window without waiting to be asked. The giving of such attention to older people is a duty of girls as well as of boys. Boys, however, should be just as thoughtful of, and give the same attention to, girls as to older people. Girls should be very care- Be quick to help an older person. ful always to express appreciation of any courtesy that is shown them. Elsewhere, as in the dining room, do not monopolize conversation, either with older people or with people of your own age. Remember that conversation is an interchange of thoughts and ideas, not a mono- logue. Courtesy demands an interest in others. If you do all the talking, it is a sure sign that your interest centers in yourself. People will consider you ill- mannered, and worse, — a bore. If you go anywhere with a group of people, do not jallow one person to monopolize your time and atten- Stop for breath now and then. MANNERS WITH OLDER PEOPLE 25 tion. It is your part, as a member of the group, to be pleasant and agreeable to all. Only selfish, rude, or socially inexperienced persons will disregard this sug- gestion. problems: who will solve them? 1. From your own experience, or reading, tell a story that will prove that boys and girls need to be reminded of just such points of courtesy as are suggested in this chapter. 2. Can you add other slogans to this one? Few men regret the things they have not said. CHAPTER V At the Telephone There are certain rules that should govern the use of the telephone, if it is to be a convenience and an accommodation, and not a nuisance. If you are on a party line, be considerate of other people on your wire. Remember that their selfishness or rude- ness does not excuse yours. Do not call up people more frequently or keep them at the telephone longer than is necessary to give or get necessary information. You may have nothing to do, but the person at the other How you would feel ^^^ ^^ extremely busy, yet if you could see the , , , t^ • i yawns at the other ^^^ courteous to say so. Besides, end of the wire! most people dislike the telephone for social calls. It is a lazy and discourteous way of being friendly. Do not call people at meal time or late at night. If you know the time most convenient for calling certain 26 AT THE TELEPHONE 27 people, be sure you call them at that time. It is very trying to be compelled to carry on a telephone conver- sation while one's dinner grows cold or to get out of bed to answer a call that may be for some other member of the family. Ask distinctly for the person to whom you wish to speak. Never open the conversation by asking, ''Who is this?" If you are called, it saves time when you answer the telephone, to say at once, ''This is Anna Smith, '^ with- out saying "Hello." Be courteous to "Central." problems: who will solve them? 1. Dramatize a scene suggested by any paragraph in this chapter. 2. Illustrate from your own experience the common sense of any one of the rules given above. 3. Write a list of telephone don'ts. 4. Make this your telephone slogan: The voice with a smile wins. CHAPTER VI In Regard to Private Property From the earliest stages in the development of man the idea of property has existed. Every one wants things that he can call his very own and he wants no one to violate his right of absolute possession. Thought- lessness frequently leads one to disregard the property rights of others. One's mail is a very private bit of property. Fre- quently the contents of a letter are of a personal char- acter not intended for any one except the person to whom the letter is addressed. Even if you are positive that this is not the case, never open mail that is not addressed to you. One is often ° , .^ tempted to read another's mail after it has been opened. It is not only impolite but dishonest to do this unless you are so requested by the person to whom it was sent. Keep yourself supplied with things that you are likely to need. Borrowing, like many other customs, quickly develops into a habit; so do not borrow if you can possibly avoid it. Many people do not like to lend at all and no one wants to lend except in an emergency. Never borrow without asking permission. No matter how trifling the thing, the act is equivalent to stealing if it is done secretly. Ordinarily, if the occasion war- 28 IN REGARD TO PRIVATE PROPERTY 29 rants it, people are willing to lend books, stationery, etc., if these are asked for courteously and returned promptly. Books must be returned in as good condition as when borrowed. If possible, return the same kind of stationery that you borrowed. If you borrow trolley tickets, or f^gj^f^m you than stamps, return trolley tickets or from the other fellow, stamps, rather than their equiva- lent in money. It is sometimes inconvenient to pur- chase such articles, so that if any one is kind enough to help you in an emergency, be sure to show your appreciation by returning the same kin.d of article that was borrowed. Try to avoid borrowing money, but if this is necessary, the rule as to a prompt and full return applies here. There are some articles so individual and personal in character, that they should be neither borrowed nor lent. Such are hair brushes, combs, hairpins, and pow- der puffs. It is extremely unhygienic to use anything that has touched another person's hair or skin. Skin affections are ^^^ ff"^" Y^,f * ^ . , ., , you, if you don't very contagious and can easily be ^^^^^ ^^^j transmitted by the exchange of such articles. Very frequently, girls are tempted either to borrow or lend a powder puff or a comb. Never ask any one to lend you hers and, although you may dislike to refuse a request for yours, the borrower must surely see the strength of your argument against such a prac- tice. 30 EVERYDAY MANNERS problems: who will solve them? 1. What articles do boys and girls in school borrow one from another? What can your teachers do to help you to break up this objectionable practice? 2. Add other slogans to this famous one: Neither a borrower nor a lender he; For loan oft loses both itself and friend. — Shakespeare. CHAPTER VII Having a Guest The success of any hostess is measured by the skill with which she puts her guests at ease. Always rise to greet a guest; and then, after seeing that he is comfortably seated, turn the conversation to things of interest to him, making your own interests subordinate. If you are a girl and your caller is a boy who has a tendency to stay late, it is not discourteous to tell him that your parents prefer that your callers should not stay after ten o'clock. In , , T_ , , HeM rather hear it such a case, however, you must . ^u t , ' , ' -^ ^ from you than from take care to be courteous and Father! tactful in manner. If, instead of a caller, you are entertaining overnight guests, there are certain additional things you must remember. Take the guests to their rooms immedi- ately on their arrival in order that they may deposit wraps and luggage. Since every thoughtful visitor wishes to conform to the ways of the household, it simplifies matters all around if the hostess indicates such things as the time of retiring and the time of break- fast and other meals. In order that your guest may be perfectly comfort- able, see that the guest room is supplied with clean 31 32 EVERYDAY ^MANNERS towels; the bed, with absolutely fresh sheets and suit-» able bedding. It is thoughtful to supply clothes hangers and other accessories that add to the comfort of the guest. Because one who is entertaining never wishes to see a guest unhappy, even in the slightest detail, a host or hostess will take care not to dress more elaborately than a guest can. Never forget your guest. If other friends call, do not talk about things of which your guest is ignorant, unless you explain the circumstances gues oug ^^ j^.^ ^ -g j^ means, see have a good time. r • j • • i j j • that your friend is included m con- versation. At a party, you yourself should never dance without seeing that your guest is provided with a part- ner. Do not accept any invitations during the \dsit in which he or she is not included. Do not allow your other friends to make slighting or unkind remarks about your visitor. In every way, you must subordinate your interests to those of your guest while you are a host or hostess. As a rule the guest should go ahead of you whenever you are entering the house or a room, except that a boy should not precede a girl. Your guest will stand aside, allowing your mother or other older people to precede. No matter how thoughtless or exasperating a guest may be, continue your own though tfulness and courtesy ,^ , , ^ as long as she or he is in your home. It can't last forever. ^ ^u + +i. • -. .- Remember that the invitation was extended by you or for you. Never forget to extend to HAVING A GUEST 33 the guests of the other members of your family the same courtesy you wish shown to your own. In extending an invitation, it is customary to state for how long a time you wish your friend to stay. This saves inconvenience and misunderstanding. Remember, above all, that unless real sincerity un- derlies all that you do and say in these matters, there can be no real courtesy, For manners are not idle, but the fruit Of loyal nature and of noble mind. problems: who will solve them? 1. Write a letter inviting a friend to stay with you from Saturday till Mondaj^ Letters may be read and discussed for the purpose of selecting the best. 2. You may use this for a slogan if you will remember that here •speed does not mean hurry: Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest. — Pope. CHAPTER VIII Being a Guest Just as there are certain things every hostess must remember, so also there are certain things that every guest must keep in mind. In order to avoid possible embarrassment for you and for your hostess, be careful not to call at or near meal time. Boys, when calling on a girl, be sure to rise as soon as she comes into the room, just as you would for her mother, or other older person. Never call on a girl whom you do not respect enough to show this courtesy. Girls, as a rule, when calling on a friend, do not stay after ten o'clock. Boys, do not stay so late when calling on a girl that she has to tell you to go home. Find out at what time her parents expect her callers to leave. Otherwise, if she is still in school, ten o'clock is a reasonable hour for de- You can't make a parture. On leaving, tell the girl grace u exi is e -^ much you have enjoyed the has to tell you the . , .. ^jjj^g^ evenmg, or ask it you may come again soon. When you go for an overnight visit or longer, be sure to take with you your own toothbrush, hair- brush, comb, face cloth, and other toilet necessities. See to it that you have a sufficient supply of clean clothes that are in good condition. Do not risk being 34 BEING A GUEST 35 either a disgrace to your hostess because of untidiness, or a burden to her by requiring laundering privileges. It is a thoughtful, though not absolutely necessary, attention to take your friend's mother a little gift to show your appreciation of her willingness to entertain you. Candy, flowers, or, if you are a girl, some piece of your own hand-work, are always in good taste. Take great care to conform to the household routine in every way. Be prompt at meals; be helpful about the house. It is always proper to make your own bed, to keep your own room in order, and to offer to help with the dishes, or in other ways, unless there are serv- ants to do these things. There is no good reason why boys as well as girls should not do this. Adjust yourself readily to the plans of your host or hostess, and respond enthusiastically to all efforts to make you happy. Offer to share the expense of trips away from the home. If your host or host- ^ , , ess refuses to allow this, accept the decision gracefully and try in some other way to express your appreciation of her entertainment. Do not expect to be entertained all the time. Have a book to read or some other occupation to fill in the time when your friends are occupied. Never encourage a plan to which the mother of your host or hostess is opposed. Do not overstay the time of your invitation, and on leaving do not fail to thank your friend's mother for the visit. At the same time, if you are in a position to do this, ask her whether your friend may not visit you 36 EVERYDAY MANNERS at some later date. Much of the joy that your friend derives from your visit is in the thought that you have been happy. Do not fail to say how much real joy the visit has given you. Write your "bread and butter" letter promptly. After your return home, write promptly to your friend's mother and to your friend, telling them again how much you enjoyed your stay your es e er ^^.^j^ them. These are called " bread paper. and butter" letters. As with all your letters, use paper without lines — preferably white. A problem: who will solve it? Suppose you have just returned from a visit. Write your friend's mother a suitable letter. Perhaps the one given below will help you. Dear Mrs. Jones: It was raining when my train pulled into the station, but father was waiting for me with an umbrella. I have done so much in this past week that it seemed a long, long time BEING A GUEST 37 since I had seen my family. They were interested in hearing about my good time, and I had so much to tell them that we stayed up late. I told them everything we did — the pic- nics, the dance, the boat rides — but I can never quite tell them, or any one, how much I appreciate your kindness in giving me so much happiness. Mother thinks I look very well and hopes I was not a great deal of trouble to you. Thank you very, very much, Mrs. Jones, for my happy hoUday. Very sincerely yours, Alice Lee. CHAPTER IX Invitations and Refreshments An informal invitation may be written or spoken. In giving it, the important things to remember are: To give the date clearly. ^ To indicate the time you would like your friends to come. To say, ^^Come early" is bad. It may mean half past seven to some, half past eight to others. Say rather, '^Come about eight o'clock." Then the guest feels no embarrassment nor fear that she or he will arrive before the hostess is ready. For an afternoon party it is custom- ary to tell your guests not merely when to come, but also when to leave. ^^From four to six, etc." The guest is then quite sure she is not intruding at meal time. To suggest the size and kind of the party. Guests are often undecided how to dress for a party. This is usually because they do not know whether the party is to be large or small, elaborate or simple. Usually, an informal invitation indicates a very simple affair, but your guest will be more at ease if you give her a hint as to the nature of the occasion. If you write the invitation, it might be: Dear Mary: I am inviting a half dozen girls and boys to the house Tuesday evening, and I want you to be one of us. Will you come? Mother says we may take up the rugs and dance. Come, if you can, at about eight. Sincerely yours, Anna Louise Smith. 38 INVITATIONS AND REFRESHMENTS 39 White paper, or very delicately tinted paper, is best for such occasions. Formal invitations are used more rarely, and only for dignified occasions. Such invitations are in the third person and are always written or engraved. Miss Anna Smith requests the pleasure of Miss Brown's company at the Iris Club, on Thursday evening, March the second, from half -past eight until twelve. 418 West End Avenue, February the twenty- third. R. S. V. P. — Repondez s'il vous plait — means "Reply if you please,'^ and when found on > ., .• ' J' J. Ai. i. lio, it does ao< mean an mvitation, mdicates that prep- r, !■ ^ . ^ . T Refreshments served arations are bemg made accordmg ^^^^ promptly. to the number of acceptances. Hence a prompt reply is most important. Your reply should be as formal as the invitation: Miss Helen Brown accepts with pleasure Miss Smith's kind invitation for Thursday evening, March the second, from half-past eight until twelve. 428 West Broad Street, February the twenty-fifth. or Miss Helen Browni regrets that a previous engagement prevents her accepting Miss Smith's kind invitation for Thursday evening, March the second. 428 West Broad Street, February the twenty-fifth. 40 EVERYDAY MANNERS Refreshments should always be simple. A great variety of rich food is vulgar. , For a small group, the following would be ample: p, / hot or ^^^^^ \iced Sandwiches candy or and or and possibly or Grape juice light cakes nuts or with Lemonade ice cream Serve the food daintily. You may have the guests come to the dining room, or serve them in the living room, as you choose. If the party is informal, the napkins may be either of paper or linen. Remember that the refreshments should be an un- important part of your entertainment. If the guests come for the food, there is something wrong with your party or with your guests. A problem: who will solve it? Plan a class party. Will your invitations be formal or informal? Tell why you think one or the other is better for this occasion. What are you going to say in the invitation? CHAPTER X Entertainment If you are entertaining a group of people, be sure that the entertainment is of a kind in which all can take part. Do not have dancing if you know that one or two of your guests do not dance, unless you have provided other entertainment for them, or they them- selves insist that they would enjoy watching. Be equally agreeable to all guests. See that you get an opportunity to be friendly to each one. Look out especially for shy guests, or ^ ^ those who are strangers to most of the people present. Try to make them feel at ease by bringing them into the conversation, explaining to them the things about which you are talking. Give the rest of the group a httle information about strangers, so that they can more easily converse with them; for example, ''Mary has just come to Philadelphia to live. Tell us about your experience down town this morning, Mary. Did you get lost?" If you ask a guest to sing or play, make it very clear that you really would like to have her or him do it, but do not continue urging after a definite refusal. You may spoil the pleasure of a guest by being too insistent. The latter may not feel able to gratify you, yet may feel that it is impossible to continue to refuse 41 42 EVERYDAY MANNERS your request without being rude. If a subject of con- versation is touched upon which you know may be dis- agreeable to one of your guests, it is your place to turn the conversation into another channel. WHien you are invited, come at the time set by your host or hostess. If you are asked to come at eight, that is when you are wanted, not at Don't excite the cookl xr • m. j i. j- nme. It mvited to dmner or lunch, try to arrive not more than ten minutes before the hour set, unless your hostess has particularly invited you to come earher. Take an interested part in the entertainment pro- vided, even though it is not the kind you would have chosen. It is very selfish and rude to withdraw to a corner with one or two others and laugh and talk with them, while you take no part in the games planned. If each one does his best to make the party a success, it will be the best kind of success for all. If people sing or play the piano for your gratification, listen without talking. It is the height of rudeness to talk at such a time, and is very disconcerting to the performer. Do not grow too noisy. You can have a good time without shrieking. Remember that the neighbors may be forming a Use the loud needle opinion of your hostess be- on the victrola r x i i j r . , . cause of the loudness of your mirth. Do your part in giving the shy guest and the stranger a happy time. Do not imagine that such a guest is ENTERTAINMENT 43 entertained by hearing you converse gaily with others on subjects that are ^unknown to him. You must make him feel that he is one of your number. If entertained in the evening, do not stay too late. The time when refreshments are served gives an indi- cation of the time your hostess expects you to depart. Usually from three-quarters of an hour to an hour after refreshments are served is an appropriate time to take your leave. When leaving, shake hands with the hostess and tell her how much you have enjoyed the evening. If there is a guest in whose honor the party has been given, shake hands with her too. If this was your first time of meeting her, tell her how glad you are to have had this opportunity of knowing her and express your hope that you will meet her again; for example, ^^Good night, Clara. I'm so glad Anna has given us an opportunity to meet you. I hope to see you again if Anna has not filled all your time, "etc. If you have met her before, tell her how pleasant it is to see her again. If the guest of honor is a boy he should receive a similar cordial farewell. Be sure to say good night to the parents of your hostess — telling them how greatly you have enjoyed the party. If you are obliged to leave before the others do, it may be well to say good night quietly and to slip away without attracting the attention of the other guests. If, however, .^J ^ ^ °^^ r • ji 1 -j-il without you. you are on very iriendly terms with them all, it is pleasanter just to pause in the doorway 44 EVERYDAY MANNERS and say, '^Goodnight, everybody." The main point in making your exit is to express your appreciation to every one who has had a hand in entertain" ng you, and at the same time to make your going inconspicu- ous. Remember, it is not a feature of the evening's entertainment. problems: who will solve them? 1. Why not have a class party? Divide into various commit- tees, plan the games and refreshments, send out invitations, and give the party. Be sure that ever}' member of the class takes part in some way. 2. Report on actual parties that you have given or to which you have been invited. Were these parties successes? Why, or why not? 3. Which of your social duties em];)arrass or trouble you most? Can you discover why? 4. Add other slogans to this one : Good manners always demand that you remember the other fellow! CHAPTER XI Dress In dress, as in other things, individuahty will out, but its expression should never be allowed to carry you to the point where you become conspicuous by reason of it. Good taste in clothing is usually an index of good breeding and culture, just as good taste in the other arts is. Your apparel should never ^^ proclaim" you — on the other hand, dignity of bearing and gra- ciousness of manner are sufficient to subdue almost anything you may wear. School ^ 1 , . 1 i.1 • u J- Don't try to be a and busmess clothmg may be dis- ^^^^^^ ^^^^^^ tinctive even though built along simple and sensible lines. Avoid extremes, for they usually stamp you as ordinary. Boys have less difficulty in the matter of dress than girls, but frequently boys take a fancy to clothes of an extreme cut or to bright-colored neckties and socks. Well-tailored men usually see to it that their shirts, ties, and socks harmonize with their suits and that their suits and coats are well fitted, but conservatively cut. Nevertheless, the fact that you are conservative in your dress does not mean that you may stop or turn and stare at some one else who is conspicuous because of odd or extreme dress. The words of a Greek phi- 45 46 EVERYDAY MANNERS losopher are quite applicable in this connection — ''He who first laughs is the barbarian." Girls should be inconspicuously dressed at all times. This simple rule is not so simple as it seems nor is it easy to follow. Some people think that, 1°!!. \ ^°^ at all costs, one must be dressed clothes be noisy. . ' ^ , . rr, i m the prevamng fashion. To be sure, if we were all made on exactly the same pattern, and if we all dressed in exactly the same style, it would be easy to be inconspicuous, in fact, almost impossible to be anything else. But we are not all the same. Some of us are short and fat, and some of us are tall and thin. In consequence, the style of dress that is becoming to one may make the other wearer ridiculous. The tall sHm girl may look well in a very short and narrow skirt, but no short fat girl would ever be tempted to wear one if she could see herself from the rear. If you wish, therefore, to be inconspicuously and becomingly dressed, you should consult your mirror rather than the fashion books for many details, for dress is an individual matter. There are, however, certain rules which everybody may keep in mind. In choosing the costume for school, one must consider its suitability for fccrsion?"'* *^^ the occasion. It should not be so elaborate that it requires constant care. No girl can do her best work if she must at the same time be careful that a delicate dress is not being soiled or torn. Fabrics that tear easily, ruffles that muss DRESS 47 and soon look untidy, and velvets that catch the dust are not practical for school wear. Many public and private schools suggest as the uniform dress a dark skirt and a washable middy blouse. Such a costume is practical and economical and generally becoming. It can be kept in good order, and the blouse laundered with small expense and effort. A plain suit with a simple white waist is a substitute for the girl to whom the middy blouse is unbecoming. The waist should be plain, for the elaborate ones are too delicate for constant wear and frequent laundering. Moreover, they are not in good taste for school. Simple dresses are also suitable for school, but a little more difficult to keep clean. If a woolen or a plain silk dress is worn, it is advisable to have a separate waist lining with shields attached that can be laundered as often as necessary. Such dresses should be aired and sunned frequently and sponged with gasoline or other cleanser. It is imprac- tical and also in very bad taste to wear cast-off party dresses to school. If one's best ., , , . ^- 1 , After the ball! dress must m time become one s school dress, it should always be chosen with that end in view. The same principles of simphcity and suitability apply to the choice of shoes. For general wear, girls will find that shoes with dark leather tops are more serviceable than those with light-colored tops. The latter soil easily and are difficult to keep clean. All shoes will last much longer and look well to the last if 48 EVERYDAY MANNERS kept in good repair and polished frequently. High French heels are uncomfortable, bad for the health, and tend to make one walk awkwardly. The straight, rather flat heels are businesslike, comfortable, better for the feet, and incidentally much better looking. Appre- TTn- 11 .MX o elation of the beauty of normal Why walk on stilts? ^ , i i i i i toot development should take pre- cedence over silly adherence to a fashion that decrees stilt-like heels and needle-point toes. Many w^ho are definitely trying to guide their lives along the most hygienic lines have not passed, in foot intelHgence at least, beyond the stage of the Chinese foot-binders. In fact, the Chinese show greater discrimination in the matter, since foot-binding is limited to ladies of high caste, who will always, presumabl}^ be carried about by coohes. In America, working girls, who need sensible, appropriate foot gear, are among the worst offenders. Clothing has a practical as well as an aesthetic value, and in choosing it we should strive to satisfy each. Some persons, judging from the way in which they adorn themselves, seem to lose sight of the practical value of clothes and to regard the body as a kind of human Christmas tree upon which to hang any and all ornaments that they can acquire. Jewelry as a rule should not be worn by young people; the excessive use of it is in very bad taste. Hands . , ^ o loaded with rings do not look ready a jewelry counter? ^ . *^ for work. A school rmg and at the most one other ring are sufficient adornment for a girl. DRESS 49 Necklaces are apt to be a nuisance. Earrings and fancy combs are in bad taste and tend to make the wearer look tawdry. The wearing of much jewelry always marks you as a person of poor taste. This is even more true of boys than of girls. A boy should never wear but one ring, if any, and that should be of the plainest sort — a signet ring, perhaps. Diamonds or cut stones of any kind are out of place on a man's hand, or in his necktie. If a necktie pin is worn, it should be small and inconspicuous, and there should be no unnecessary chains, pins, charms, or other jewelry in evidence. The hair should be simply and becomingly arranged. This again is an individual matter, but one should be warned against adopting the ex- ^^ ^ . J. 7 A • iJ I, • 1 Have you a hair treme styles. A girl s hair waved j^^ttress? softly over the ears is pretty, but extending in solid buns on either side of the head is grotesque. The shape of one's head and face rather than the style of one's neighbor should be the guide. The girl or boy who is properly dressed may spoil the whole effect by failing to be clean. No one, of course, needs to be reminded that _ 1 11- re J. Try a little soap an unclean body is an onense to ^^^ water one's neighbors, but we sometimes overlook the fact that there are other ways in which we make ourselves objectionable. If woolen or other non-washable garments are not sufficiently aired, if the 50 EVERYDAY MANNERS underwear is not changed often enough, if the hair is not washed frequently, one cannot expect to be dainty. A failure to be careful in these respects is particularly offensive in a crowded classroom. Perfumes and highly scented powders are not a substitute for cleanliness. Face powders and rouge are not a successful substitute for a clean, clear skin. The girl who uses highly scented soaps, powders, and perfumes, and who covers her face with cosmetics, lays herself open to the sus- picion that there is something to Of course the circus , . , tj. , . i -, ^ i i would require it. ^'^^' ^^ POwder is used, it should be unscented or very delicately scented and never apparent. The face with the whit- ened nose and chin looks absolutely clownish. Per- fumes should never be used by boys. In choosing underwear, remember that it must stand frequent laundering, and avoid dehcate styles for every- day wear. For girls, knitted or crepe underwear is commendable; it is easily laundered and requires no ironing. The girl who is one of a large family in which the laundry is a problem can wash out at night this kind of underwear, and thus with little effort be pro- vided with a clean suit each day. Boys must be sure that their collars are immaculate; their clothes well brushed; their shoes in good repair and polished at the back as well as across the front. A clean white pocket handkerchief should always be carried. Care in these matters, along with clean skin, clean underwear, clean fingernails, neatly brushed hair. DRESS 51 and shining white teeth will go far toward making a boy a success both at home, in school, and at work. problems: who will solve them? 1. Arrange a scene for the Assembly: Let several girls appear on the platform, some of them suitably, some of them unsuitably, dressed for school. Let another girl explain how each girl is or is not putting into practice what she knows or should know about dress. 2. Plan a fashion show, illustrating dresses for different occasions. 3. Let a group of boys appear, some with careless, muddy boots, rumpled hair, soiled collars, no neck ties, while others are neatly dressed. Let another boy point out the details which must receive attention if the boy is to seem well groomed. 4. Plan a scene in which an employer interviews several appli- cants. Show that neatness and suitability of dress count. Intro- duce into the scene some chance to show the importance of courtesy in manner. 5. Plan other scenes. 6. Add other slogans to this one: The apparel oft proclaims the man. — Shakespeare. CHAPTER XII Girls and Boys Every right sort of boy regards the friendship of any right sort of a girl as a privilege. It is something to be won. For this reason he follows the age-old mascuhne prerogative of taking the initiative. He should, when- ever possible, first seek to know a girl in her home in order that her parents or'' guardian may be satisfied that she will be safe in his company. A boy should not shrink from meeting a girl's parents, or they may fear that there is something about his The family won't -, . ti? xr j. i • t_ j. , ^ ^ character or life that he wishes to shoot you. hide. It is a bit of an ordeal to face the inspection of the family, but if the girl is a good pal she will help to make it easy. No young man, however, should accept frequent hospitality without offering some return. This does not mean that he must spend a great deal of money on the girl. A girl who accepts a boy's at- tention because of his lavish spending of money shows greediness and vulgarity. But the boy should want her to share his pleasures. He might invite her to a dance, a baseball game, or perhaps to the Some people have a theatre. If this last suggestion good time with a , ,i .a ^ bag of pop corn. means greater expense than the boy can afford, and the girl knows it, she should discourage it. Often, this can be done very 52 GIRLS AND BOYS 53 easily and tactfully by proposing some other way of passing the evening — letting the boy feel that she would rather call on a friend, or go to a lecture, or to see a good moving picture. If a boy wants his appreciation to take the form of presents, flowers, candy, music, or books are always in good taste. If a girl accepts a boy's invitation to a dance, the boy arranges to call for his companion at her home and, of course, acts as her escort both to and from the affair. He may provide flowers. If a definite time for starting has been agreed upon, it is a matter of courtesy for a girl to be ready on time. When the girl is very young, or when her parents are notably particular, it is polite for her escort to ascertain the time at which her parents wish her to reach home. If the boy's finances permit, he may provide flowers for the girl, in which case he often consults her prefer- ence so that they may harmonize with her dress. It is customary for an escort to claim the first and last dances as well as the dance just preceding and the one 54 EVERYDAY MANNERS following the intermission. He sees that the girl has partners for the various numbers — also, when refresh- ments are in order, that she is served. He assumes the responsibility for her enjoyment. The boys whose names appear on her program, or others whom she may know, or to whom she may be intro- e you nervous duced, ask, ''May I have this about the new steps? , i,, o.i • i dance." She answers graciously, "Yes, you may/' or ''I think you may," or ''I'm sorry, but this dance is taken." At the end of a dance, it is the boy's place to express the pleasure the dance has afforded him. His partner replies, "I am glad you enjoyed it," or "I enjoyed it, too." Both boys and girls should be careful to dance in such a way as to avoid giving the impression that they do not come from homes of refinement. If boys and girls ask a teacher or other older friend to chaperon a party or other gathering they should treat her, on the occasion, as an honored guest. It is the height of rudeness to be neglectful of your chaperon. At the theatre, if an usher shows a boy and girl to their seats, the girl should go ahead of the boy. If no usher is there, the boy goes first to find the seats, but when he reaches the row, he should stand aside, and let the girl pass in ahead of him. Both should remember that well-bred people do not talk or Don't laugh at r j j • j.u r ^, ..• o munch candy durmg the perform- the wrong time? / 7 i i i i ance of a play. The boy should be attentive to his companion in the matter of assisting GIRLS AND BOYS 55 her with her wraps, providing her with a program, and so forth. Upon their arrival at her home after the theatre, it is not customary, if the hour is late, for the girl to ask her escort into the house. It is only common courtesy, however, for her to thank him for the evening's entertain- ment, and to invite him to call at another time. He sees her safely inside her home before he takes his leave. If she has a key, he unlocks the door for her. In their relations with boys, girls receive exactly the deference and courtesy that they demand. Boys who desire the friendship of certain girls will measure up to whatever standards those girls set. Hence, the respon- sibility for maintaining a well-mannered, high-minded society rests very largely upon its girlhood. It seems, therefore, only reasonable that a girl should expect of a boy. To raise his hat when greeting her or parting from her. To refrain from lounging against walls or pillars when talking to her. To stand when talking to a girl who is standing. To walk on the outside, instead of the inside of the walk, when escorting a girl, and not to sand- wich himself between two girls when walking with them. To refrain from calling to a girl on the street to attract her attention. To refrain from swearing and vulgarity. 56 EVERYDAY MANNERS To avoid jostling against her, or grabbing her arm, or other faniiHarity. (On the girl's part, it is extremely bad taste under ordinary circumstances to take a boy's arm. A boy should not take a girl's arm except to assist her. He may do so when boarding a car, crossing a crowded street, or pilot- ing her in a dangerous place.) If the boy thoughtlessly or carelessly disregards any of these marks of courtesy, the girl can easily help him -:r-0,^Xv.:x^ f^^^::^ Boys, be courteous to all women and girls, you know. not merely to those to be more considerate, and less of a boor. A simple suggestion, made in a friendly way, should be well ^ ,, ^ , , received. If it is not, the boy's Don't hurt her r • j u- • ^ \x. x. - feelings. friendship is not worth having. Resentment at an intended kind- ness shows a vain, crude disposition. A boy with such a nature will make you blush for him many times. On GIRLS AND BOYS 57 the other hand, girls, do not nag because a boy is slow in learning. If he shows that he wants to be considerate, but is clumsy and awkward, help him out — show your appreciation of his efforts. At times, a boy's help may be needed to improve the standards of the girl. The latter can scarcely be ex- pected to believe that make-up is bad form if the boys she knows ap- ^ ^^ ^.. °^ parently admire it. If girls realized i^Qj^g like? that boys often think it a weakness, which they do not hke, but accept merely because the user is jolly and pleasant, girls would be more willing to retain a natural appearance and dispense with rouge and excessive powder. To see that our 'own manners are above criticism is not enough. If we are sincerely interested in our friends, we want to help them all we can to ^ , , , , ,. ^ j^i 1 j^ ii ^ • • .1 Don't knock; boost! uve up to the best that is in them — not through sarcasm, nor teasing, nor laughing at them, but through an honest, friendly, sympathetic interest in seeing them advance to the highest point possible. problems: who will solve them? 1. Plan a scene in which a group of boys and girls are eating ice cream, or drinking sodas in a drug store or in a confectioner's. Have other groups stand waiting while these young people selfishly linger at the table, laughing and talking. Let the scene, also, show some boys politely helping to seat girls, while other boys, with hats on, lounge into seats first themselves. Add to the scene 58 EVERYDAY MANNERS other incidents which might occur at a time hke this to show the good or bad manners of the people present. 2. Plan other similar scenes to dramatize. 3. Ask your physical training teacher to get for you the rules of the National Association of Dancing Teachers. Discuss these rules and note whether you are following them. CHAPTER XIII Gifts It is very easy to be selfish in giving presents. A little boy once bought his father a Kiddie Kar; a woman presented her husband with a vacuum cleaner; a girl gave her mother a pendant which she knew her Choose suitable gifts. A little boy once bought his father a Kiddie Kar. mother would be sure to allow her to w^ear. What do you think of such selections as these? Do you alw^ays try to consider carefully just what the person to whom you are giving would really like to have? It takes thought and tact to find the present that is '^just right." It does not necessarily take a large sum of money. Sometimes it is more considerate not to give presents at all. For instance, boys and girls often plan to give 59 60 EVERYDAY MANNERS class presents to their teacher. Isn't it better not to try to do something which forces every child in a ^ . , . class either to give toward a present It IS the giver, not . i • i • the gift, that counts. ^^ ^^ ^^P^^"^ ^'^ ^^^^^^ ^^^ re- fusing? Good will, understanding, and responsiveness from their pupils are gifts which teachers appreciate far more than things which money can buy. The habit of sending cards of greeting at Christmas and other anniversaries is becoming more and more popular. If gifts are to be given, remember that boys may give girls flowers, candy, a book, or a bit of music perhaps, if they wish, but not jewelry, silk stockings, gloves, or other personal articles. As a rule, girls offer boys the hospitality of their homes rather than other gifts. If we receive a gift, a letter of thanks should be written immediately. This letter should be so worded that the one who receives it will feel the sincere appre- ciation behind the words. While we should not forget courtesies shown us, we should not hurry to give a gift in return. It is unpleasant to feel that one is being '^paid back" immediately for something given. It is better not to be so lavish with presents that our friends will feel under constant obligations to us. If we are sure that our gifts always represent nothing but our sincere desire to give pleasure to some one else, and if we exercise good taste and tact, w^e cannot go far wrong in this difficult matter of giving presents. GIFTS 61 A problem: who will solve it? Plan a list of suitable birthday or Christmas gifts for the following: Your father, mother, sister, brother, a boy friend, a girl friend, a baby, an invalid. Compare your lists and discuss their relative merits. PART TWO IN SCHOOL CHAPTER XIV Assembly Manners The assembly is the place where the school as a whole most closely touches the world outside. This is the place where students attend lectures, musicales, and plays; hence there is no better place to practice the manners which are pleasing in all public auditori- ums. Then, too, it is the place where student govern- ment reveals its strength or its weakness. A student body with a strong sense of school pride will sustain a high level of assembly conduct, Your alma mater but a school that lacks this fine doesn't want any spirit will have to be spurred on step-children, by the authority of its faculty to a behavior that is not embarrassing in the presence of visitors. There are certain observances that are essential to an ideal assembly, many of which apply equally to any public gathering. Start early enough so that it is not necessary to rush to reach the assembly before the last bell rings. When you take your seat be careful to enter from the side nearest your seat, in order to disturb as few people as possible. Be prompt to obey the signal to stand or to be seated. Do not change your seat until the signal to do so has been given by the principal or your teacher. In 65 66 EVERYDAY MANNERS making the change remember that you can show your appreciation of the better seats by moving as quietly as possible. When any one is speaking be absolutely attentive. If you are unable to hear, prove your self-control by ^ , , ^ , , remaining just as quiet as though Look pleasant, please ! . ■, , you heard every word. Refrain from whispering, from reading a paper or a book, from eating, from arranging your hair or cleaning your finger nails, in other words, from doing anything which shows discourtesy to the one who is conducting the assembly and at the same time reveals your own lack of breeding. If any one enters from the side or rear doors, do not allow your curiosity to lead you to turn your head. The attention of a whole section can be dis- tracted by such conduct. When a piano or violin selection has been played, be quite sure that the performer has finished before you begin to applaud. Do not continue your applause when it is evident that the one who has performed does not care to give an encore. Enthusiastic applause is pleasing, but when overdone, it is often embarrassing to the one whom you wish to honor. In a public gathering remember that it is rude to leave before the meeting is over unless this is abso- lutely necessary. If you must leave, do so quietly, that you may not distract the attention of those who remain. ASSEMBLY MANNERS 67 If you are seized by an attack of coughing which you cannot control, leave the room as quietly as possible. In general, remember so to conduct yourself that you in no way make yourself conspicuous or disturb any one else in the gathering. PROBLEM Plan and give an oral composition on assembly courtesy. In order to show different points of view, some members of the class may pretend to be each of the following: A principal A teacher A guest from out of town The father or mother of a student A new pupil CHAPTER XV Good Manners in the Corridors Whenever people congregate in large numbers it is necessary for each individual to be respectful of every other individual's rights and privileges. This is the case in school and particularly is it true of the corridors when the students are passing from one classroom to another, to the assembly room, or to the lunch room. However, if every one will remember a few simple rules, much of the congestion and confusion, now common, can be obviated. Keep to the right, and pass quietly and quickly. If you are tempted to saunter along aimlessly or to rush madly, remember how you felt You can do it with- , i i i j out a traffic officer. ^^^^^^ ^^^^^ P^^^^g^ '''^^ ^^^^^^^ by a boy or girl who did not ob- serve the traffic rules. Watch where you are going in order to avoid colli- sions. If, however, you are unfortunate enough to have been the cause of a collision, remember to apolo- gize, and try not to offend again in like manner. Do not block the passageway by stopping in the middle of the corridor to talk to a friend. Ask him or her to step to one side where others will not be pre- vented from passing. OS GOOD MANNERS IN THE CORRIDORS 69 Remember to go up to the person to whom you wish to speak instead of shouting from a distance. When you open the classroom door to allow a teacher or pupil to enter, be careful to do so in such manner that you do not block the passageway. Be extremely careful not to run the risk of injur- ing some one by rushing out of , V 1 J n^ J. ji We don't want the classroom doors, iry to do ^, . , ^ the ambulance, your part in leaving a passageway through the corridor before school and at dismissal. When you get your own wraps from the locker be careful not to drop the clothing of another. If you should do so, do not fail to hang the garment up again. If you are waiting for the elevator, form a single line at one side of the hall, being careful to face in the line of direction. When the line becomes too long, a good plan is to form in couples, the second person becoming the partner of the first by stepping obhquely forward to his left; fourth person becoming the partner of the third, and so on to the end of the line. The one on the right should enter the elevator first to prevent any possible congestion. If a teacher is also waiting for the elevator, allow her to enter first. Have sufficient pride in your school to help keep the corridors, stairs, and lavatories clean. Do not wait for the ianitor i . \ ?^^" *" up week in school, to come to pick up the paper you may see on the floor; make that a part of your own duty to your school. 70 EVERYDAY MANNERS Do not deface the walls of your school building with any kind of marking. The boy or the girl who writes on the walls of a building or who idly allows his pencil to be drawn along the walls is guilty of a serious misdemeanor. problems: who will solve them? 1. Plan a scene, partly in pantomime, partly in dialogue, in which a group of boys and girls show the right and the wrong way to move through a crowded hall. 2. Think of as many w^ays as possible in which girls and boys can show to a class or to the school the advantages of obeying traffic rules in all crowded places. 3. Add other slogans to this one: The gentle mind by gentle deeds is knowne. — Spenser. CHAPTER XVI Classroom Manners The traffic rule, Keep to the right, applies to class- rooms as well as to streets and corridors. If you keep to the right, and leave a passageway at your left, you will make entrances and exits easy. A bag or strap for your books is convenient. If you keep your belongings together, you are less likely to lose or mislay your books and papers, and you are more likely to be really prepared with everything you need for your work. When you enter a classroom, go at once to your own seat. Put into your desk everything you will not need for that period. Nothing looks worse than a roomful of desks littered with piles of books, packages of lunch, baseball gloves, and oranges. Never borrow books, inkwells, pens, or pencils from the teacher's or a pupil's desk without asking permis- sion. Never sit in the teacher's V . 1 ^v. v. ' 1, • c And be sure to chair unless the chairmanship oi ^^^ ,„ the lesson has been given over to not '"Can I". you. Never stand close beside a teacher's desk, except when talking to her. The books and papers on her desk are her private property. You have no more right to examine her papers or read any writing there than you have to read other people's letters. 71 72 EVERYDAY MANNERS Put your waste paper in the basket provided for that purpose. A desk filled with waste paper has no room for the books of the boy or girl who may come next. A floor littered with papers indicates that you are careless. All your textbooks should be covered. Perhaps the best covering is heavy paper, which may be removed when it is worn or dirty. A covered book is more hygienic for your own use, and can be handed on to its next possessor in clean condition. If a teacher is not present when the last bell rings, some pupil should start the lesson. He should make a list of absentees and a list of excuse notes, and leave these on the teacher's desk as a record of the period over which he has presided. The class should give the pupil chairman the same attentive, courteous, and helpful response that is given the teacher. There are certain things to remember for every recitation. When you recite, stand correctly; do not . . . slump, do not lean on your desk as if you were using your last bit of energy. Speak in a clear and distinct voice, so that every one in the room may hear. Do not try to talk loudly; adjust your voice to the size of the room. Pitch your voice low; a high voice is likely to become un- pleasant. Interruptions of any sort are just as rude in the class- room as anywhere else If you raise your hand while another pupil is reciting, you interrupt him. Often the sight of hands waved madly in the air breaks one's CLASSROOM MANNERS 73 train of thought and makes it impossible for one to go on. If you wish to ask or answer a question, wait until the one who is reciting has finished and until the teacher recognizes you. Try to break the hand- weaving habit. If a teacher is occupied with another pupil, wait your turn for assistance. Be careful not „ ^ _^, . Your turn next! to interrupt a teacher who is talk- ing to some one else, or to stand so close as to overhear the conversation Never ask a new question until the one previously asked has been answered. That, too, is an interruption. Do not answer a question addressed to some one else. If you correct some one, do it tactfully. It is often the manner in which the correction is made, not the correction itself, that hurts. The one who is corrected should accept the criticism courteously. Do not make fun of others' mistakes. To laugh reasonably at an amusing remark or happening is natural, but it is rude and un- ^ kind to make a boy or girl feel g^^^' ridiculous. If you must enter a classroom while the lesson is in progress, disturb the teacher and class as little as possible. At the end of the period, do not gather up your books until the signal for dismissal has been given. Never rattle paper or stand poised for flight while some one is talking. 74 EVERYDAY MANNERS If you are the first one to leave the room, fasten the door back. If it cannot be fastened, hold it open for the person behind you. He should hold it open for himself as soon as he reaches the door. Doors should never be slammed, but always closed quietly. Before you go to assembly, leave your books in a safe place, out of other people's way. Books or bags left on the floor are always stumbled over; sometimes they cause accidents. problems: what answers can you give to these questions? 1. Do you always rise when you are addressed by the principal or a teacher? 2. Are you quick to show little courtesies such as erasing the blackboard, or offering a chair and a book to a visitor? 3. Are you courteous to all school employees at all times? 4. On entering either the main office or one of the department offices, are you careful not to interrupt any one in order to transact your own business, even if to avoid doing so you must go away and return later? 5. Are you particular not to say "Sure" or "Yes Ma'am" or to grunt "Uh-huh" when you mean "Yes, Miss Blank," or "Yes, certainly," or "Yes, I did," etc.? 6. Are you careful to refer to a person by name and not as "he" or "she"? 7. When visitors are in the school, do you try not to seem curious and not to be conspicuous in any way? CHAPTER XVII Lunch Room Manners There is no better place than the school lunch room for the revelation of the real breeding of a boy or girl. If you are rude and inconsiderate r r •! J. 1, -n Remember, it isn't of your family at home, you will no ^^^ ^^^ j^^^^^,^ ^^ doubt, push and shove to get first party. place in Une at the lunch counter; you will probably pile your belongings on the table with your food; and, unless some one reminds you, it is likely that you will leave your dishes on the table after you have finished. Here are some of the things that will help to make your lunch period pleasant if you will remember them: Be too self-respecting to go to the lunch room with dirty hands. You don't want your friends to feel as Charles Lamb did when he said to an acquaintance, "If dirt were trumps, what hands you would hold!'' Never rush nor elbow your way for first place in line. Be courteous to those who serve the food. Be sure to watch where you are going, so as to avoid collision with some one who is carrying food. Use the table for lunch only, not as a resting place for your books or gym shoes, nor as a study table. You lack a sense of fair play if you reserve several 75 76 EVERYDAY MANNERS seats for your own particular group of friends, shutting out those who have arrived. If you leave your used dishes and your crumbs on the lunch table you are unjust to those who follow you. Remember that at the lunch table you reveal to the other boj^s or girls the kind of table manners you prac- tice when you are at home. A loud voice is as rough and un- Leave roaring , j. • xt_ i r . . j^ J. ^ pleasant m the lunch room as m the corridors. Be as careful about the small courtesies of the table as you would be if you were a guest in the home of a friend. problems: who will solve them? 1. If your school has a lunch room, in what ways can the stu- dents make it pleasanter and more successful? 2. Add other slogans to this one: Eat and drink as friends. — Shakespeare. CHAPTER XVIII Student Government If you have a Students' Association, remember that the officers are girls and boys that you yourselves have chosen, and give them the respect and cooperation which is their due. When they give directions, or make rules, show your mettle by helping to carry out their regulations. To defy them or ignore their instructions is to show yourself weak and foolish, and unworthy to demand respect or courtesy from others. Student government gives you your best opportunity to train for the responsibilities and duties of citizenship. If you are elected to an office, do your best work for the group you . ^. ^ ^^°,^ ^* „ , , n; u ^y ^® people, are called upon to serve. To be- f^^ ^he people." come in any way overbearing or dictatorial in your manners shows that you are abso- lutely unfit to hold office. Do not forget that you are a public servant and let all your work be done with courtesy and tact. A problem: who will solve it? What are some of the common errors in courtesy to be met in a Students' Association and how can they best be eliminated? 77 CHAPTER XIX Manners in Games Play fair. Play with all your might, and never lose your temper. If you lose, be a good sport. This apphes whether the game is a private one in your own home, one in your school, or one between your school and another school. Do not spend any time explaining how you happened to lose, but give due credit to the superior playing of your opponent. In any pubHc game, or any t ^'IW|l(*/ffM-**1 Lose the game gracefully and formally arranged tournament, it is customary to shake hands, as a sign of good feehng and congratulation, both before and after the match. Whether your team wins or loses it should cheer the opponents at the close of the game. If you win, be a good sport, too. This is often harder than if you lose. Do not gloat over the defeat of your 7§ MANNERS IN GAMES 79 opponent, but put him at ease by your friendliness and generous spirit. Some such speech as, "This must be my lucky day," or ''I certainly enjoyed that game — you gave me a good fight," helps to soften the dis- appointment of defeat. If failure to win a game was due to one person on your side, do not pitch into him about it. If it was in- tentional, never play with him K. , J.. 1 11 He may have been unmtentional, and he t f 1 k feels badly, say to him, ''Cheer up — it was a good game — lots of fun — I'll be glad to don't boast when you win. try it again." After all, a game is a game. Do not spoil it by making it a battle royal. If you attend a game in a group, keep your merriment within your group. It is quite possible to have a thoroughly good time, without having your neighbors on the car, or elsewhere, think what noisy, ill-bred boys and girls you are. 80 EVERYDAY MANNERS problems: who will solve them? 1 . What books, stories, or poems have you read that show instances of courtesy in sport? 2. Describe instances that you yourself have witnessed. 3. Add other slogans to this one: He who laughs at others^ woes Finds few friends and many foes PART THREE IN PUBLIC PLACES CHAPTER XX In Trolley Cars and on the Street "I am a part of all that I have met." Tennyson has put these words into the mouth of Ulysses, and if you think a httle, you will realize the peculiar responsibility which rests upon each one of us. Consciously or unconsciously, we imitate mannerisms of speech and dress, of behavior and thought. We, in turn, create an environment for others. We should strive, then, to develop within ourselves a ^^ manners'' consciousness, sensitive to what is generous and beauti- ful and just in human conduct, mindful that Evil is wrought by want of thought, As well as want of heart. There is no other place in which the spirit of chivalry seems so lacking as in our trolley cars and subways. Nor is there any other public place in which kindliness and cheerful cooperation are so wholly acceptable. The sight of strong young people, rushing to get on a car ahead of women and old people, is common. It is rather selfish, is it not, when you have so much strength to spare, and they may be weak and perhaps weary too? Stand aside, then, and let those who are infirm or riper in years precede you. If a girl is accompanied by a boy, she enters first. The boy assists her at the 83 84 EVERYDAY MANNERS step and, if she is his guest, pays her fare. On leaving he should alight first in order to assist her. When unes- corted, girls, have your fare ready and move into the car without being urged to do so by the conductor. A fraction of a second lost on you seems little, but if mul- tipHed by the hundreds of passengers who use the cars daily, it becomes sufficient to upset schedules which are essential to efficient traffic management. Always rise to give your seat to a much older person or to a cripple or to a mother carrying a child. Do so as quietly and tactfully as possible — then move away, thus delicately reUeving the person from the embarrassment which may be felt in depriving you of your seat. This rule applies to girls, as well as boys. Boys should also rise for women, whether young or old, as women are physically less able to stand than are boys. Car aisles are often so congested that it is very diffi- cult to make one's way to the exit. Try to make it easier for the person struggling r xt. ° ^ ^°^ 1, toward the door. You will expect of the car, please." . -. . „ f the same consideration irom others when your turn comes. The keynote of good manners in public is unobtru- siveness. Loud talking and laughing will make you sharply conspicuous. Moderate Put on the soft pedal. . ^ . . ,, .... your voice to suit the conditions in which you find yourself placed. Avoid using names in trolley car conversations. The world is a small place, TROLLEY CARS AND THE STREET 85 after all, and curious coincidences often happen. You have all had the experience of hearing a stranger in a public place discuss one of your friends or acquaint- ances — often in a most flippant and uncharitable way. As for gossip — shun it as you would the plague. If you hear an unsavory story about some one, let it go no further either in a trolley car or elsewhere. The generous nature. is the one that '^speaks no scandal, no, nor listens to it." Never chew gum in cars or in other public places. A mild-eyed cow, standing knee-deep in lush grass and placidly chewing her cud, is a more . or less peaceful addition to a lovely ^ outside pastoral landscape. Not so the school girl or boy feverishly chewing a big wad of gum, and talking and gesticulating at the same time. If you must chew (and remember that chewing gum is not a refined habit), let it be within the four walls of your own particular room. Eating in street cars comes under the same ban. If you do not wish to be thought ill-bred, do not indulge in it. Nicety and refinement also demand that all personal habits should be attended to in the privacy of your own room. It is common enough to see manicuring being attended to in street cars. See that you are never one of the offenders in this particular. Just as unobtrusiveness is the quality that makes for street car demeanor, so is it the indisputable accom- paniment of street behavior. Propriety demands that this should be marked by quiet dignity of speech, dress, 86 EVERYDAY MANNERS and movement. Avoid anything which tends to focus the attention of others upon you. Eating, chewing gum, loud talking, and laughing are as bad here as in trolley cars. Crowded sidewalks and crossings offer as many opportunities for pushing as do our conveyances. Chewing a wad of gum is not necessary, Make a special effort to see that you are not the ag- gressor. Keep to the right always. If you are walk- ing two or three abreast and feel that you are likely to crowd some one who is approaching, the member of your group who is at the outside of the walk should step behind the one next to him, thus making it pos- sible for that person to step to the edge of the walk. If this does not give room enough, the one who is now at the edge of the walk should fall behind the one in front of him. The responsibihty rests on the person who is at the outside of the walk. As he steps back- TROLLEY CARS AND THE STREET 87 ward, he may, if necessary, touch the arm of his com- panion to guide him or her to the edge of the walk. If you do inadvertently colhde with some one, say '^ Excuse me," or ^'I'm very sorry." Meet such annoyances with good grace and forbear to display anger in tone or look. Remember that, as Chesterfield while chewing a cud is. tells us, '' A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners." If you meet some one to whom you think you must talk, do not stop on the sidewalk, but walk on in the direction in which your friend is T£ '. 1 XI, J. i„ • Right about face, gomg. If it happens that he is a . ^ , , * ^ .11 111 forward march, boy and you are a girl, he should walk with you toward your destination — having first asked your permission to accompany you. Boys, be careful to raise your hats, not merely to older people, but also to girls of your acquaintance 88 EVERYDAY MANNERS whom you meet. If you are walking with a girl and she speaks to some one, raise your hat, even if you do not know the person to whom she speaks. Remember always to speak to the parents of your friends, and to all older people of your acquaintance when you meet them or see them on the street. When you pass their homes, take the trouble to see if they If you have a civic conscience you will not drop waste material in the street. are at the window, or on the front porch, and offer a pleasant — ''Good morning, Mrs. Smith," or other suitable salutation. ''Hello" is not e w en you ^ courteous way to greet an older person. Your courtesy to older people indicates the kind of person you really are. Even a vulgar, ill-bred person will be courteous to one whose favor he seeks, but the person of real refinement is alike courteous to all. In these days of universal franchise, every boy or girl should have a very live civic conscience, together TROLLEY CARS AND THE STREET 89 with a sense of the duty toward those who have not as yet the civic '4ight." Therefore, you will, of course, not throw trash or paper into the street, but will carry it to such cans as are provided for its disposal. If you are walking out into the country, waste material should be burned and the fire carefully put out. problems: WHO WILL SOLVE THEM? 1 . Mention some especially pleasing examples of courtesy that you have noted in street cars or on crowded sidewalks. 2. Dramatize a scene in which three people walking abreast meet one or two others on a narrow sidewalk. CHAPTER XXI Stations, Dining Cars, and Restaurants Much difficulty, inconvenience, unfavorable com- ment, and loss of temper might be avoided if people realized that public places are for the use of the public in general, and not for a few people or particular groups. Stations are a conspicuous example of this sort of abuse. At ticket windows one should keep in line and not attempt to crowd ahead of others or jostle them out of line; it may be quite as necessary Help to make the p ,-, , xi, • x- i x . J tor them to secure their tickets service good. . . „ . , promptly as it is for you. Also, to have the approximate amount of money ready always facilitates the service at a ticket window. In one's effort to appear as fresh and attractive as possible, the use of the lavatory accommodations in train or station should not be abused. If there are others waiting for the mirror and washstand, make it your business to finish with these as quickly as possible. In return for the use of such accommodations every one ought to be willing properly to dispose of the toweling that he has used and to leave the wash stand in a pre- sentable condition. Stations should not be made meeting places on any occasion except when one is expecting guests or friends 90 STATIONS, DINING CARS, RESTAURANTS 91 on an incoming train. When it is necessary for you to wait in a station, there should be no loud talking, laughing, nor parading about. A magazine or paper ought to keep you pleasantly occupied. Bureaus of information and uniformed attendants are to be found in all large stations. Both of these are to serve the public. Consequently, any questions you may have to ask should be directed to either of these sources of information. Strangers should never be questioned and any advances on their part should be promptly discouraged. When on a train, do not occupy more seat space than is yours by right. Eating in dining cars and restaurants presents a slightly different problem from eating in one's home or in the home of a friend. If you are dining with some one, be considerate of the likes and dislikes of that person; if you are a guest, of his or her abihty to pay for the food that you desire. The choice of j^ »t tuff food should be made as promptly as possible and no more should be ordered than you are reasonably sure you can eat. Waiters and waitresses or others in attendance should be courteously treated. If a boy takes a girl to a restaurant, and a waiter shows the way to the table, the girl should pass ahead of the boy. If they find the table themselves, the boy should go first and draw out the chair for the girl to sit down. When the meal is finished, do not continue to hold 92 EVERYDAY MANNERS a table if others are waiting to be served. Do not spoiJ what might have been a very pleasant meal by asking for or using a toothpick. A toothpick is no more suited to pubhc use than is a toothbrush. PROBLEM Discuss — Asking for information about trains Buying a ticket Asking to share a seat The dining car The sleeping car Arrival at a station Caring for one's baggage CHAPTER XXII Stores and Places of Amusement Good manners are often the direct result of a sympa- thetic understanding and a lack of selfishness. This may often be noted in connection with behavior in stores and places of amusement. If you think of the salespeople ®°^®°^ ^^ ^ ^ ,. ^^ . y . - . .11 1 have been standing with consideration, you will be ^^ ^ courteous in all your dealings with them. You will not be exacting and curt, even though you may think you have cause to be so. You can make conditions easier for these workers by your own kindliness of tone, by waiting your turn, and by being a little patient when you think you are being served slowly or incompetently. Aisles in stores, with few exceptions, are narrow, and are intended for free passageways; therefore it behooves one not to crowd them by carrying on social intercourse there. There are chairs provided in the waiting rooms for people who wish to chat. If you are caught in a crowd in an aisle or at a door- way, do not push or in any way make the crowding worse. Each one is as anxious to get on as you are, and pushing does not help. It only annoys the ones who are pushed and shows the bad manners of the persons who are doing the pushing. If you are caught in a 93 94 EVERYDAY MANNERS crowd because of an accident in a store or other public place, and can help, do so; if not, get out of the way as speedily as possible, to give the injured person much- needed air, and the ones who can help, an opportunity to do so. It is discourteous to handle goods displayed unless you expect to buy, and even then, ey mig Sf ^^ jg more poHte not to do so unless your finger prints 1 i i i your hands are clean, or unless you have on clean, light-colored gloves. Do not return purchased goods unless this is abso- lutely necessary, for to do so not only takes advantage of the store's courtesy, but also makes unnecessary work for the employees. If you have an appointment with any one, be prompt ; and do not form the habit of waiting in aisles or in store vestibules for any length of time. Keep to the right in all aisles and passageways, and be careful not to let the swinging doors fly back on the persons follow- ing you in or out. If you see a woman with a baby, or some one who is feeble or lame, or burdened with packages, stand to hold the door open until she or he is well out of the way of a collision. If you don't he'U j^ ^^,^ ^ .^,j ^^^ ^ ^^^ ^^^^^ be sorry he did it. ^ ° a door open for you, accept his courtesy with a word of appreciation. It is when people forget themselves that they show what they really are. In places of amusement, we are likely to forget, so we must be especially careful of our STORES AND PLACES OF AMUSEMENT 95 manners in such gatherings. Your behavior in all public places should never be conspicuous; if people notice you at all, let it be because of your refined and courteous behavior, and not because of your loud voice or rudeness. If there is a ticket line, keep in it, and do not annoy people by making them think you are trying to get ahead. Of course you wish to advance as promptly as possible, but it is your business to arrive early, or else to accept graciously your right place in the line. Try not to be late at a performance, as the late comers disturb other people. If you have to speak to your companion during an enter- tainment, do it so quietly that x x \. / T 1 1 ^ ^^0^* seat, people about you are not disturbed. Even between the acts, avoid loud talking or loud laughing. It is very rude to talk aloud about the performance if you have seen it before, for those around you may not desire to know ahead of time , , , , , , , , . , TA You donH need to just what they are gomg to see. It break the shock. is also rude to read aloud the expla- nations on the screens of moving pictures. Again you are annoying people near you who deserve your considera- tion. If you have ever had to return to a theatre or moving picture hall after a performance, you have probably noticed the litter of papers, programs, and candy boxes on the floor. If you happen to walk through a pubUc park after Saturday or Sunday, you have noticed 96 EVERYDAY MANNERS egg shells, fruit skins, bottles, boxes and papers. Many thousands of dollars of the public money are spent in cleaning up parks after picnickers. Certainly the cleaners in a theatre must work with disgust on the trail of dis- order left by the seemingly refined people who have been enjoying the performance. Ameri- Have you ever tried , j • i u i j x i » It- X 1- o can boys and girls should take using the trash cans? , . , . , . enough pride m their own property and in the property of others to keep things in order. One day a little girl was standing on one of the boulevards of Paris eating a cake of chocolate. As she nibbled the candy she threw the wrappings, bit by bit, to the pavement. Suddenly a tall French officer ap- peared. ^^Here, you little American pig," he said, ^^pick up that paper." The astonished child did so. A bystander spoke to the policeman : ''How did you know she was American?" he asked. ''A French child wouldn't do such a thing," said the officer; ''in Amer- ica they don't care where they throw things." Remem- ber that it is a mark of bad citizenship as well as a species of bad manners to throw rubbish on the floor of a pubhc place, in street cars, streets, or parks. If you haven't a social conscience you will never make a really good citizen of any country. PROBLEM 1. Plan a campaign for better care of parks and public places. 2. Add other slogans to this one: // it is not seemly, do it not. — • Marcus Aurelius. PART FOUR IN BUSINESS CHAPTER XXIII Business Manners Considered in a general way, the principle under- lying relations among business people is the same as that which underlies courteous relations in home or school — the desire to remove friction and to make intercourse between individuals as easy and as pleasant as possible. Business relations are of necessity more or less formal. Your attitude toward those with whom you come in contact, however, need not be cold or distant, but neither should it be ^^^ * ^ ^ ,^ .T7 . ' .,. ^^ ^^.^ , nor a funeral either, tree or lamiliar. Your attitude should invariably be dignified, showing respect for the person you are addressing, as well as a very real respect for yourself. It should be pleasant and yet impersonal, attentive, but not curious, alert, but by no means forward. When you enter your place of business in the morning, recognize with a greeting those who are already there and those who come in later. This is a Httle thing, but a cheery^' Good morning" may help to start the day aright. Be careful that your appearance reflects credit on your place of employment. The sales force in many estabhshments are asked to dress ,,„ , . , ,, "Neat but not gaudy." m a certam way because these es- ^ ^ tabUshments reahze that the appearance of their em- 99 100 EVERYDAY MANNERS ployees affects their business. This is true wherever the employee is required to meet people, but in many places no rules are laid down, and an employee may be tempted to take advantage of this fact, not realizing that by so doing he not only hurts his employer, but also his own business standing and his actual money wage. Boys, get up early enough so that you do not have to omit to shave. A clean-shaven face is a business asset. Girls and boys, see that your nails are well cared for — perfectly clean and short. There is noth- ing more disgusting than long, dirty nails. See that your suit is pressed regularly, and not only pressed, but cleaned. Grease spots are never attractive. You can care for these matters yourself, you know, so expense is no excuse. Your shoes, too, need regular attention. They should be polished frequently, and the heels should be built up as soon as they become uneven. Though you may not know it, there are people who form their first impression of you from your heels. Girls, if you wear white shoes in the summer, be sure that they are immaculate. And give yourselves enough time at home in the morning to dress and to comb your hair so that it will need no further attention during the day. If, however, you find it necessary to attend to any detail of your toilet, go to the dressing BUSINESS MANNERS 101 room provided for you; do not sit at your desk and arrange your hair or manicure your finger nails. To chew gum is bad form anywhere in pubHc, but particularly bad in an office. The nerve strain usually is great during business hours, and , IT,. 1 . Try working some of to see somebody s jaws work mces- ^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^1^^^ santly usually increases this strain. Loud laughing and talking will always make you unpleasantly conspicuous. This is also true of pro- longed conversations on subjects other than those relating to business. They are wasteful of the em- ployer's time, and produce a most unbusinesslike effect in an office. They are, therefore, to be avoided. If you are an office boy, see things to do; don't feel that you must do only what you are told. Be attentive, and act promptly when in- structions are given you. Care should be taken in regard to interrupting con- versations. First of all, be sure that your business is important enough to call for an interruption. Then say, ^'I beg your pardon," or, '^Excuse me, please, for interrupting you." Then give your entire attention to the person you need to address. Remember that your employer is paying you for your time. For your own sake, give him not only his 102 EVERYDAY MANNERS money's worth, but the 'kittle bit more" that shows your real interest. Permit no encroachment on his time by your friends — either by ven 1 ere isn prolonged or frequent telephone a time clock. ^ ^ ^ . • .^ calls, or lengthy or trequent visits. Be scrupulous, too, in providing your own stationery for personal needs. His stationery belongs to him. If there should be a just cause for complaint, take your case to the proper authority, who is, usually, your immediate superior. Gossiping about difficulties to your coworkers does more harm than good. Keep as sacred all confidences, whether they come to you in the course of business, or accidentally through overhearing a personal or telephone u your mou conversation. Your sense of honor demands that they be respected. It sometimes happens in the course of a busy day, that everything seems to be going awry. A difficult situation is never helped by losing one's temper. At such a time try to keep your poise; you will find that you will be able to accompHsh more and better work. If reproved for poor work, or corrected in a mistake, apologize for your work and express your gratitude for the correction. Give your promise for better results in the future. Never sulk, nor try to excuse yourself, nor waste time in long explanations. The . point is that a mistake has been * made and that it should never happen again. Does it not sound much better to say BUSINESS MANNERS 103 ■ — '^Oh, I see I was wrong; I'm sorry. Thank you for pointing out my mistake," — than, "Oh, well, that's what I meant, — you see, somebody interrupted me while I was at work on that, but I knew, of course, what was right," or, "No, I never would have done that if somebody hadn't butted in," etc. If you are a stenographer, and your employer asks that you take some letters, go to him quickly and quietly, with all necessary materials. If he is not quite Dress suitably; don't wear out your party dresses at the office. ready, sit perfectly still until he is ready to begin. You will help him by refraining from tapping the floor with your foot or the desk with your pencil, or from arranging your hair or picking at your nails, or doing any of those little things that tend to distract the attention. You may, sometime, be asked to report the proceed- ings of a committee meeting. Whether or not the members of the committee are seated when you enter the room, remain standing until a place is indicated for you. 104 EVERYDAY MANNERS When new situations arise, use your common sense and good judgment, not forgetting to call upon all your past experiences to help you in the solution of them. No matter what your position may be, the ability to work amicably in a group is a decided asset in busi- ness. A kindly toleration for the opinions of others, and for ways of working different from your own, will help to make you a more agreeable coworker. If you are a newcomer in an office, try to learn as much as you can, and as quickly as you can from the trained employees. Do not be Lessons aren't over ^^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^^ questions. An when you get your • . u- ^ ^' a j-^ diploma mtelligent question does you credit ; and an attitude of ^^ wanting to learn" will usually bring a ready response. On the other hand, do not ot^er your own opinions unless asked for them — you are the learner, not the teacher. The time may come when, a trained employee yourself, you will have an opportunity to help one who is inexperienced. Remembering the difficulties which you had to face when in a like position, try to give him or her as much help as is possible without neglecting your own work in order to do it. You can further the interests of your employer very much by your courteous treatment of his callers. Attend to the wants of each pleasantly, and as soon as possible. If the one asked for happens not to be in, perhaps you can act for him ; at any rate, be sure to ask the name of the caller, and to inquire if there is a possible message. BUSINESS MANNERS 105 The same is true when you answer the telephone. To tell your employer when he comes in that ''some one called" is highly unsatisfactory. There are certain routine questions ^J^^7' ^' ^""^^^^f that one may ask; for example, the telephone, suppose the telephone rings : You: This is Mr. Brown s office. The Voice: Is Mr. Brown in? You: No, he will not be in until four. Is there any message? The Voice: No, I'll call later. You: Who shall I say called? The Voice: Tell him, H. C. Smith, of Harbinger Brothers. You: Very well, Mr. Smith, I'll tell him. Or You: This is Mr. Brown's office. The Voice: Is Mr. Brown in? You: Yes, who wishes to speak to him, please? The Voice: H. C. Smith, of Harbinger Brothers. You: Just a minute, Mr. Smith; I'll tell him. If you do not understand the voice on the telephone, observe the same courtesy you would show if speaking directly to the person. ''Huh?" or "What?" is always to be avoided, as is any expression of bad tem- per. "I beg your pardon," will bring a repetition without ill feeling. Listen attentively. Always remember that "the voice with a smile wins." 106 EVERYDAY MANNERS PROBLEM If you have had any business experience, select the points in the preceding chapter that you consider especially important and ex- plain why they are important. Can you add anything to this chapter? Dramatize a correct telephone conversation. PART FIVE A LAST WORD CHAPTER XXIV A Last Word It happened in a little group of people that one of the women made a laughing remark which was mis- understood by one of the men present. He turned on her angrily and snapped out a rude and caustic reply. What would you have done had you been in the woman's place? If you had read this little book care- fully and had worked out its suggestions in your every- day life, you would probably have done just what this woman did. She turned to the man very quickly and said sincerely, ^^Oh, Mr. Jones, I did not mean to imply what you think," — and went quietly on to explain her meaning. The man turned red wdth shame at his own rudeness, and was prompt in his apology. The little group could not but admire the woman's gracious courtesy and tact. It would have been easy to flare up and grow angry at the rude rejoinder she had received, or to have felt hurt and perhaps to have sulked. Either result would have created an embar- rassing situation for all present. But through this woman's splendid trained control of herself, the only person embarrassed was the person who was in the wrong, and when he had made his apology, all were on friendly terms as before, and the httle incident was closed. Weeks later, someone spoke to the woman of 109 no EVERYDAY MANNERS the fine way in which she had handled the situation. Tears came into her eyes at the remembrance of the hurt, for she was a very sensitive woman. Yet at the time of the occurrence no one knew how she felt. Her own personal feelings had been kept out of the way. She knew it would be selfish to let them rule her behavior and cause discomfort and unhappiness to others. Her manners were not idle forms, but a real part of her. That is the kind of good manners we want, — the kind that will make others more comfortable or happy. We have tried in this book to put down the easiest way of accomplishing this result under various kinds of circumstances. If we have omitted some things, and you are puzzled to know what to do, you can find the solution easily, if you will. Put yourself in the other person's place. What would I like him to do for me if I were in that situation? The answer to that question will usually be the right one. We have all known people who have never had an opportunity to learn the customs of well-trained social groups. They are apt to make what we call '^ breaks," yet their interest in others, their deference to their companions, their sympathy for and understanding of those around them make them welcome in any group. All the fine manners in the world are worthless if they are not the expression of fine character beneath. We have given you here all we can. It is for you to see whether or not you can fit this key to the lock which opens the door to the society of the well-bred. INDEX INDEX Accidents at table, 10 Appearance, in business, 99-100; at school, 46-51 Appreciation, expression of, 43; of guest for entertainment, 35- 36 Assembly, applause in, 65; atten- tion in, 66; seating in, 65-66; student government in, 65; use of, 65 Assistance, to brothers and sisters, 16; to hostess, 35; to inexperi- enced employee, 104; to mother, 15-16 Attending, dance, 52-54; restau- rant, 91-92; theatre, 54-55 Books, carrying, 71; during as- sembly, 66 Boys, dress of, 45, 49, 50-51; and • girls, 52-58; family inspection of, 52 Bread, how to take, 4; spreading, 6 "Bread and butter ' letters, 36 Business, manners in, 99-106 Caller, time of leaving for, 31 Carefulness, regarding others' pos- sessions, 17; as to scattering possessions, 17 Chairman conducting class, 71, 72 Chaperon, courtesy to, 54 Chewing gum, 85, 86 Classroom manners, 71-74 Cleanliness, of clothes at table, 9; of hands, 9, 75; of person, 49- 51; of underwear, 50 Clothing, in business, 99-101; in school, 46-51; care of, 47, 48, 50, 100 Coffee, sugar for, 7; stirring, 7; how to drink, 7 Cold, conduct when one has, 10-11 Collars, clean, 50 Collisions, in corridors, 68; in lunch room, 75; on sidewalk, 87 Confidences in business, 102 Conversation, within groups, 41- 42; when guests are present, 32; monopoly of, 9, 24; when with older people, 23; at table, 9 Corridors, manners in, 68-70 Cosmetics, use of, 50 Coughing in assembly, 67 Courtesy, attentions of boys to girls, 24; attentions to older people, 23-24; in conversation with older people, 24; to exas- perating guests, 32; in greet- ings, 14; in regard to use of tele- phone. 26-27; to shy guests, 41; at table, 1-13. See Manners Dance, etiquette of a, 53-54 Dancing, in entertainments at home, 41; manners in, 54; rules for correct, 58 Desk, attitude toward teacher's, 71; use of, in classroom, 71, 72 Desserts, proper handling of, 7-8 Dishes, in lunch room, 75, 76; re- moval of, between courses, 8; stacking, 8 Doors, closing, 74; of stores, 93; opening, for someone, 69, 74; rushing out of, 69 Dress, of boys, 45, 49, 50, 51; of girls, 45, 46-48, 49, 50 Eating, cutting food when, 5; in dining car or restaurant, 91; when to begin, 2; when to lise from, 11 Elevator, entering, 69; waiting for, 69 113 114 INDEX Entering room, order in, 2, 11, 32 Entertainment, appreciation of, 35-36, 43; of groups, 41-44; re- sponsibility of guests for, 42; responsibility of hostess for, 41 Fingernails, 50 Fish, how eaten, 3-4 Fork, see Knife and fork Games, attending, 79; losers in, 78; \^inners in, 79 Gifts, from guest to hostess, 35; ''paid back," 60; proper, from boys to girls, 60; standard in giving, 60; thanks for, 60; to teachers, 59-60 Girls and boys, 52-58 Gossip, in business, 102; in street cars, 84-85 Government, student, 77 Greetings, at home, 14; in places of business, 99; on street, 87-88 Guest, being a, 34-37; entering room, 32; entertainment of, 31- 33; interest of, in entertainment, 42; at meals, 2; overnight, 34; should conform to household routine, 35 Hair, appearance of, in business, 101-102; appearance of, in school, 49, 50 Hands, in lunch room, 75; raising, in class, 15-16; at table, 9 Hostess, at table, 2; care of over- night guests, 31-32; courtesy to guests, 31-33; dress of, 32 Interruptions, of conversation in business, 101; in classroom, 72 Introductions, bad forms of, 19; of boy to a girl, 19; conduct in, 18-22; omission of, 21-22; time for, 20; to a group, 19; of young people to older ones, 18 Invitations, definiteness of, 38; formal, 39; informal, 38; over- staying time set by, 38; from boys, 52, 53; to call after thea- tre, 55 Jewelry as index of taste, 48-49 Knife, see Knife and fork Knife and fork, how to handle, 5; in eating fish, 3; in eating salad, 7; in eating vegetables, 5 Laughter, at mistakes, 73; in street cars, 84 Lavatory, in school, 69; in station, 90 Lockers, getting wraps from, 69 Lunch room, manners in, 75-76 "Make-up," 57 Manners, aid those of others, 57; in assembly, 65-67; in business, 99-106; toward callers in office, 104; in classroom, 71-74; in corridors, 68-70; in the family, 14-17; in games, 78-80; in lunch room, 75-76; with older people, 23-24; in stations, 90- 91; in stores, 93-94; on street, 86-89; at table, 1-13; at the telephone, 20-27; in trolley cars, 83-85 Mistakes, attitude toward in busi- ness, 102-103 Music, 41 Office, duties in, 77 Officers, attitude toward, 77 Olives, 4 Perfumes, use of, 50 Position at table, 8-9 Presents, from boys to girls, 53 Promptness, in attending places of amusement, 95; in attending assembly, 65; in entering street INDEX 115 cars, 84; inkeeping engagements, 53; in obeying signals, 65; of family at meals, 2; of guests at meals, 35; of guests in replying to invitations, 39 Property, borrowing, 28-29; per- sonal and individual, 29; pri- vate, 28, 29; regard for others', 28; return of borrowed, 29 Questions, in class, 73; in office, 104 Radishes, 4 Reading at table, 10 Reciting in class, 72 Refreshments, as related to time of departure, 43; kind of, 40; relative value of, in entertain- ment, 40; serving, 40 Salad, use of fork with, 7 Salutations, on street, 87-88 Seats, giving, in street cars, 84; in lunch room, 75-76; in report- ing meeting, 103; in restaurant, 91; in theatre, 54, 95 Shoes, care of, in business, 100; for every day, 47, 50 Silver, arrangement of, 2, 3; indi- vidual silver, 2, 3, 4; playing with, 8; use of butter knife, 4 Sincerity, in matters of courtesy, 33; in requesting guests to en- tertain, 41 Smoking, requesting permission before, 24-- Soup, method of eating, 2-3; spoon, 3 Spoon, for coffee, 7; for soup, 3; for vegetables, 5 Standards, demanded of bo\^s, 52- 57 Stores, manners in, 93-94 Street, manners on, 85-89 Street cars, entering, 83, 84 Student government, 77; in as- sembly, 65 Suggestions to help others, 56-57 Table, leaving, early, 11; position at, 8-9; use of, in lunch room, 75 Table manners, 1-13 Tact in correcting others, 73 Talking, in business, 101; in places of amusement, 95; on street, 87 Teeth, 51 Telephone, business calls on, 105; calls at meal time, 26-27; calls at night, 26-27; courtesy to, "Central," 27; distinctness of speech at, 27; length of, call, 26; party line, 26; social calls on, 26 Textbooks, covering of, 72 Thanks, in the family, 17; for gifts, 60; of guest for entertain- ment, 35-36 Thoroughness, a preparation for the future, 16; satisfaction in, 16 Tickets, for amusements, 95; for travel, 90 Time in business, 101-102 Toothpick, use of, 9, 92 Traffic rules, in classroom, 71, 74; in corridors, 68-69; in crossing streets, 86; in store, 93-94; on sidewalk, 86-87 Underwear, 49-50 Utilitv, of dress, 46-47; of shoes, 47-48 Vegetables, how to serve, 4; how to eat, 5, 7 Voice, in lunch room, 76; in recit- ing, 72; in street cars, 84 Walls, of school building, 70 Wastebasket, use of, in classroom, 72 Waste material, in school, 69; in street, 89, 96; in theatres and parks, 95-96 University of Connecticut Libraries 39153028343830