HV 5089 .H53 1923 gjy of prn B, i i ^ J^ \ o^ co -B523A BOOK 178.5.H52 1A c. 1 HiBBETT # AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN BARLEYCORN COMP 3 ^153 DD0b33M3 Autobiography of John Barleycorn Compiled by Captain C.T. HIBBETT, (M. C.) U. S. N. Retired 1923 THE STRATFORD CO, Publishers Boston. Massachusetts Copyright, 1923 The STRATFORD CO., Publishers Boston, Mass. The Alpine Press, Boston, Mass., U. S. A. T)edicated to HIS FRIENDS PREFACE DURING the long period of time since man abandoned the cave and jungle, to build his first rude huts and begin enjoyment of the comforts and luxuries that belong to him as gifts from his Maker, I, John Barleycorn, have been his constant companion. So closely have we been associated that there are but few records of human history in which I do not also appear; hence, in these brief memoirs, I shall devote but little space to the special part that I have played in the great drama; just a few per- sonal sketches, culled here and there, from the long story, will suffice for what I would present in these pages. The fact is, I have only been moved to give some account of myself by the unpleasant and unjust position in which I find myself in this 20th Century of upheavals and confusions in world affairs, and I am using this narrative form more for protest, than for details of personal history. It seems that a class of the American people have, after the thousands of years of my existence, found that I, — a most humble creature — am the one great cause of human unhappiness, and under the spell of this newly found and wonderful inspiration, are making my annihilation the prime object of their life- labor. In their hatred for me they appear to have Preface overlooked the fact that human history abounds in testimony that almost the sum total of evil under which man has suffered can be traced directly to Selfishness, Intolerance, Bigotry and other pov^erful forces within his nature, which guide him in the de- sire to lord it over and oppress his fellow man. They should remember also, that I have far more real friends than enemies in the more highly civilized communities, and that their ruthless warfare upon me can avail nothing beyond throwing one more serious obstruction across the path that leads to the goal of universal brotherhood. While I dare not claim that I have no sins to be accounted for, I shall have no apology to offer for my appearance in human affairs. To do so would, I feel, question the wisdom of the Creator of the Universe, for He created the essence of my life, stored it away abundantly in Nature and endowed man with power to give it material form. Then, am I not here in accordance with His will? J. B. CHAPTER I THE name, John Barleycorn, is of compara- tively recent origin in history, having been given, in a generic sense, to all the mem- bers of my very large family in an old English or Scotch song. It was more firmly fixed upon us by our good friend, Bobbie Burns, in his well- known ballad, the last verse of which offers the warm pledge : ^^Then let us toast John Barleycorn, Each man a glass in hand. And may his great posterity Ne^er fail in old Scotland/' In these memoirs I am using the name in the personal sense, though it applies, as above stated, to all the members of the family in all countries and through all the centuries, from first appearance in primitive form to present day perfected and specialized types. Let me say that I am fully aware that the name is now used in mockery by my enemies, but with Bobbie Burns and a host of other great and good men, [1] Autobiography of John Barleycorn it was and is a term of endearment, and for this reason I shall always be proud of it. It is somewhat humiliating that I am not able to give definite information in reference to date and place of birth. The truth is that I am of such ancient origin that I have only legend to depend upon as to when, where and how my original ancestors came into being. The legend, as handed down to me, is given for what it may be worth : * ' One day, about eight thousand years ago, an old woman belonging to the first home settle- ment of mankind — located between two great rivers (supposed to be the Euphrates and Tigris) — went into the forest in search of food. She returned to the village of rude huts, bring- ing bunches of wild grapes and a supply of wild honey. She placed a part of the grapes and honey in an earthen jar and left it outside her hut. Eain fell, filling the jar with water, and the old woman being busy preparing wild ani- mal skins for clothing, forgot about the jar of good things. A whole moon passed before she remembered it, and she then found her jar full of beautiful red water, delicious to the taste and [2] Autobiography of John Barleycorn endowed with some spirit of most pleasant effect upon herself and all others to whom she gave it to drink. She named this red water ^ The Blood of the Happy Spirit, ' ' and, remem- bering that it had come to life in some mysteri- ous way through the charm of wild grapes, honey and water, she prepared other jars for her family and told the glad news of her dis- covery to her neighbors. ' ' While the above story may not be authentic in detail, I do not doubt that it was in some such accidental manner that the life blood of the John Barleycorn family was first revealed to man ; nor do I doubt that it occurred very soon after the first human community found a fixed place of abode. Earliest records, referring to what are now known as luxuries, mention some- thing closely akin to the old woman ^s ** Blood of the Happy Spirit" as being among the first used, of the many prepared for man^s enjoy- ment. Ever since the early beginning I have, in some form or other, been the companion of man through all the mazes and trials of his progress upward, and as he grew in knowledge he carried [3] Autobiography of John Barleycorn me along with him to higher planes of develop- ment for ministering to his greater enjoyment of life. In early history I sometimes attained high places in the affairs of nations. Among those great people, the Jews, I very early rose to dis- tinction, not only in a social way, but was hon- ored with participation in their marriage cere- monies and in their religious festivals. I had the honor of occupying such high positions among these people long before the historic event in which I figured so prominently at the marriage feast in Cana in Galilee, and even today neither a Jewish wedding nor certain religious festivals can be complete without me. The Greeks and Eomans, those wonderful pioneers in art, literature and government de- velopment, were my friends. They were suffi- ciently interested in my welfare to build temples in honor of the gods, Dionysus and Bacchus, who presided over my destiny. With less osten- tation, but with equal claim to friendship, I have held sway among the long list of kings and nobles from earliest times to the present day, as they played their parts in world history. [41 Autobiography of John Barleycorn But it has not been simply in the role of participating in certain nations ' public affairs, nor of being the companion of potentates that I have figured in the life history of man. Dur- ing my long life I have mingled with all classes and conditions of men; the great and the humble ; the rich and the poor ; the good and the bad, — everywhere finding myself a welcome guest and an agreeable companion. At the bed- side of the sick and in the homes of the aged and feeble it has ever been my mission to min- ister to their physical and spiritual needs; the exhausted toiler has found me a good fellow to meet and commune with after the day^s work was done ; festal scenes have been made brighter and sweeter by me, and many of the world ^s greatest celebrities in art, science and litera- ture have given to humanity their best works under the inspiration of my presence. Yes, I have administered to the physical needs and comforts of man, — have taken part in his civil and religious affairs, — but my most en- during contributions have, perhaps, been along the lines of his intellectual activities. The in- telligent reader may here stop for a moment to [5] Autobiography of John Barleycorn recall the names of great poets, musicians, artists, men of science, orators and others, who called me to their assistance. They found me worthwhile, and permitted no meddlesome bigotry to come between them and their humble helper in bequeathing the forces of their genius to coming generations. Further referring to my influence upon the human race I wish to cite one other class, in my dealing with which, I have often been severely criticized. I refer to the brute class, — the class without moral principle. In approaching this field of operations I must admit that I have no special power to direct the inherited, or govern- ing forces of the individual man. My mission is to accentuate, — not to alter, — hence it is that I make more manifest both the good and the bad in human nature. The former, I help to raise to higher planes, that richer harvests may be reaped ; the latter, I make more hideous, that it may be seen and avoided. As an example of my work among the brute class, I have in mind one Bill Growler, by name. BilPs nature contained about all the elements of the brute that are usually found in the human race. Too selfish [6] Autobiography of John Barleycorn and penurious to possess any social qualities, I had no personal acquaintance with him until the episode in his life that I here relate, though I may say that his selfishness and other abomi- nable qualities were well known to the commun- ity in which he lived. His reputation was so bad that he could not find a wife among the people who knew him, but in some way he managed to deceive a good woman from another town and persuaded her to marry him. Her married life was, of course, one of unhappiness, — a veri- table hell on earth. Possibly through fear of court action. Bill had not added physical punish- ment to his brutal words and general studied meanness, until one day he happened to fall under my stimulating influence, and went home to administer a severe whip-lashing to the poor woman. This marked the limit of her en- durance, and made the way clear for release through absolute divorce, bringing freedom after the years of suffering. Please remember that I did not create the brute in old Bill Growler. It was born in him, and I only fully revealed it to the world. How long the woman might have meekly endured a life of abject [7] Autobiography of John Barleycorn misery, had I not whispered to the brute to use the lash, no one can tell. I only know that I rescued her from torment, and that she many times thanked me for it. Was my influence in this case worthwhile to suffering humanity? In this general connection I may invite atten- tion to the fact that professional gamblers, high- way robbers and thieves, dare not have me with them while plying their trades, for they know that I would expose them and bring them to the end of criminal life, just as I brought Bill Growler to the end of his career as a maker of unhappiness. It is quite important that I here consider, somewhat, the enmity as well as the friendship of mankind for me, and perhaps the subject can not better be introduced than by referring to part of a conversation I recently had the pleas- ure of hearing between two eminent college professors. They had called me in to lend my cheering influence for a social evening in one of their well equipped and handsomely appointed libraries, and during the course of their edify- ing conversation, they briefly discussed what they termed '* Natural Enemies.'' They spoke [8] Autobiography of John Barleycorn of the great forest falling under the attack of tiny insects, and of man and other animals being tortured and killed by microscopic germs, all of which so deeply impressed me, that when the evening was over, — the last good-nights spoken, and parting smiles indulged in, — and I had gone to my secret place of abode, I found myself pondering over what I had heard. Naturally, I began to consider my own case in reference to Natural Enemies; wondering what manner of creatures they could be, if indeed I had any. Looking over my life I could not recall one experience that might indicate, or suggest the existence of a single enemy to place under the learned gentlemen ^s classification. I found, that to the best of my knowledge, I have but one enemy in the world, — Man, and then only when he is under some infiuence to narrow his mental scope. I could find no evidence whatever that the human race, as a whole, is antagonistic to me ; that it is only when some personal interest within the individual is at stake, to control, or when masses are governed by religious teach- ings, that men learn to hate and seek my de- struction. Throughout the ages there have been [9] Autobiography of John Barleycorn isolated human beings who, for various reasons, have entertained no good feeling for me ; have, in fact, looked upon me as unfit to associate with. Towards these people I can truthfully say that I have never had the slightest ill feel- ing, unless when they went so far as to act the ^*dog in the manger,^' — this principle being beyond endurance in a creature as humble as I, John Barleycorn. It is from organized religious intolerance that I receive the greater part of enmity. In Chris- tian countries small religious sects have, from time to time, gone so far in their animosity as, to all intents and purposes, to make my prohibi- tion a vital part of their creed, to be strictly observed by all of their followers ; and in some much larger organizations the leaders most vehemently preach my condemnation on all con- venient occasions. Among the lay members of these larger bodies I have always found a host of very good friends, who do not find it neces- sary to ostracize me in their higher development of spiritual life. My prohibition is not in the creed to which they subscribed, nor do they find it in the teachings of the Giver of their religion. [10] Autobiography of John Barleycorn From long and close observation I am fully convinced that as long as a nation has not a united religious organization, with my prohibi- tion as a vital part of its creed, and its citizens fully and freely accepting it, that nation will never be able to drive me entirely out of its territory. As is well known, the attempt has been made by numerous small communities and states without success in any one instance ; and it is now being made by the great American people, with only discord, lawlessness and blood- shed to mark its progress. Freedom in religious thought and deeply rooted love of individual liberty are powerful barriers to be broken down before my enemies can send up their shouts of complete victory ! I sometimes wonder if these things can come to pass, — if my absolute pro- hibition can be injected into, and be made an essential part of the Christian Religion, and if the intelligent American people can be taught that the idea of personal rights is, after all, only a beautiful illusion ! Having tried to present some general facts in regard to my friends and enemies, as I see them, I wish now to make honest confession of an un- [11] Autobiography of John Barleycorn fortunate fault in my nature about which there is sometimes more or less complaint. It is that degree of irritability which causes me to flare up now and then and be somewhat rough with people who annoy me. Yes, I acknowledge this fault, though I can truthfully say that it is never manifest except under provocation. I can not bear to be subjected to persistent and pressing familiarity, hence when a man insists upon im- posing himself upon me from early morn till late at night, he generally finds himself in a more or less dilapidated condition. He is well aware, that as long as he treats me with ordi- nary consideration there will always be good- fellowship between us, while if he attempts to monopolize the whole of me he will eventually have cause for regret. Millions upon millions of good men, — nations, in fact, — have learned to consider this irritable nature of mine, and were it not for isolated cases of the over zealous above referred to, there would be no cause for my enemies to call me ^'a disreputable old cuss," **son of Satan,'' and other disparaging names. That nations, as well as individuals, have [12] Autobiography of John Barleycorn learned how to live with me in perfect peace, can readily be verified by any careful observer of the conditions that obtain in some of the countries of western Europe. How I love the people of those countries ! Our friendship is of the true and loyal order, cultivated through many centuries, and now so well established that no designing enemy can ever bring discord between us. They robe me in garments of sparkling beauty, annoint me with the aroma of their beloved vineyards, and on my part I am ever ready to serve them with all consideration for their health and happiness. Among them my presence has long been considered necessary to their well-being; as much so for the peasant as for the king. In those dear old countries the people and I have no exhibitions of ** rough house," for my enemies across the sea to roll under their tongues as sweet morsels of gossip. Sometimes I feel that ere long, — perhaps within the coming century — all nations will have so thoroughly learned the lesson now known to the people of western Europe, that there will no longer be any excuse for me to show the irritable side of my nature. [13] Autobiography of John Barleycorn Before closing this chapter, which has been devoted largely to my general relations with mankind, I must have something to say about my war record for I am rather proud of it. I have never been accused of being a coward ; on the contrary, if the testimony of my enemies is to be accepted, I would be looked upon as rather combative by nature. This, however, is not true, for ordinarily I am quite cheerful and agreeable ; only when people irritate me by un- bearable intimacy do I become at all pugna- cious. On the battle field I inspire men with more confidence in themselves, steady their nerves and give them power to endure the strain of deadly conflict. For these reasons, and on account of my helpfulness in sickness and weari- ness, I have always been looked upon as a most valuable recruit; especially among the high strung white races. It was not until the American people decided to participate in the recent World War that my fitness and desirability for war was ever doubted, and then only by a select few. The of- ficers, soldiers and sailors wanted me, but some non-belligerents who thought themselves wiser, [14] Autohiography of John Barleycorn sought to keep me out. There was such a fight over the question that I found myself in a unique and most uncomfortable position; that of playing the double role, for awhile, of both promoting and retarding the prosecution of the war. While Great Britain, France and Belgium and their noted military leaders were calling me to the trenches, hospitals and other points of service, there was an organized party of my enemies in the lobbies of the Capitol at "Wash- ington, doing all within their power to make my annihilation the primary and fundamental step in war preparation. Their political maneuver- ing forms a conspicuous part of the history of those exciting times, so I will not waste time re- peating it. Suffice it to say, that while suffering Europe was sending hurry calls for man-help from America, war preparation by the latter was being delayed by those bigoted obstruction- ists who insisted upon attaching my death sen- tence to urgent war bills. In fact, it was not until the President addressed a personal letter to the leader, asking him to withdraw his forces from the lobbies, that the more important [15] Autobiography of John Barleycorn measures could be favorably acted upon and the boys be made ready to go ^*Over There.'' Critics of the period have suggested that many lives would have been saved had my case been laid aside by the Congress until the war was over, but such a course did not accord with the well laid plans of my persecutors. They had selected this most opportune time for their work, and their hatred of me was so intense that they could not stop to consider what was going on in Europe until I had been disposed of. Apparently they were under the delusion that as long as I was free to roam at large in America it would be useless to send the Yankee boys to the battle fields of Europe. They must have been working under some such secret motto as, ** John Barleycorn's head first; then that of the Kaiser." But, all of the wrangling and waste of time in Washington had no effect upon the part that I continued to play in the great World War. In no previous war of history was I of such service, for in none other had there been such need of my sustaining power. It did me good to see the brightened eye and firmer grip of gun when I [16] Autohiography of John Barleycorn had given my parting lip-salute to the boy going ' * over the top ; ' ' how I loved to minister to those boys when dampness and cold had chilled their life-blood, and what pleasure I found in stroll- ing through the hospitals, bringing cheer and renewed strength to those with frightful wounds, or wasting away under the ravages of flu, and other dangerous ills of humanity ! Well could I bear all the calumny that was being heaped upon my head in the lobbies of the Capitol at Washington! If there be those who doubt that I, John Barleycorn, helped win the war, let them ask the soldiers of Great Britain, France, Belgium and even of forbidding America, for they know better than those who remained in the security of their homes across the sea, and prayed that I would suffer death by gas asphyxiation, or be captured to waste away in German prisons. [17] CHAPTER II NOT wishing to bore the reader with a lengthy narrative of incidents and per- sonal experiences in my world-wide and omnipresent life among men, I will now confine my writing to what has transpired during the past few years in the great Republic of America. It must be remembered that in this country the founders of government guaranteed each citi- zen the great inheritance of **life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness/' and this has been cherished, and was transmitted from father to son, during the century and one-half of the American Republic. Quite recently, however, there has developed a sinister desire and inten- tion to limit this inheritance to only a certain class of citizens. This wonderful change in governmental principle, — from the spirit of liberty to the spirit of narrow mindedness and selfishness, — would not be referred to in these memoirs did it not, in a measure, place my life in jeopardy. It would not, moreover, be just to my true-spirited American friends did I not [18] Autobiography of John Barleycorn enter some sort of protest against being made one of the instruments in the attempt to destroy their right to judge what goes to make for liberty and pursuit of happiness in the privacy of their homes and in their social affairs. In this great country I roamed at liberty, as the friend and companion of man, from the land- ing of the Pilgrim Fathers until a quite recent period. The country was prosperous and happy, with each man attending to his own bus- iness in the way of living, so long as he did not steal, murder or commit any of those other crimes that are at variance with the intuitive sense of discrimination between right and wrong. There were many great men among these people during the earlier periods, and as far as I know, none of the real leaders were my sworn enemies. Among the most illustrious I had many boon companions, whose homes would not have been complete in that which goes to make good cheer and innocent enjoyment of life without me. Their young ones were early taught to know and understand me, and even the ladies of the happy households were wont to vie with each other in gathering me from the [19] Autobiography of John Barleycorn grapevines, blackberry bushes and other choice places of concealment, and put me through such processes of refinement in their kitchens and cellars as best fitted me to associate with their liege lords and beloved masters. This occupa- tion of the female population, by-the-way, ap- pears to have been revived with new energy recently, and even the males are evincing more interest in it than of yore. One of my most delightful friends in those by-gone days of pleasant memories was the fine, old, country gentleman. Well do I remember his urbane manner, his genial and smiling face, and above all, his pure unselfish soul which made his own life worth living and sent its radiance into the hearts of all who were so for- tunate as to be numbered among his friends and associates. As has been said by some one, *^his home was his castle, ' ' and it was guarded only by the brave and zealous care of his own person- ality. I had the honor of being always with him, and when his neighbors came they were invari- ably invited to shake hands with John Barley- corn. I do not remember that the dear old gentleman and I ever had any serious difficulty, [2a] Autobiography of John Barleycorn though on one or two very special occasions, — notably at the marriage feast of his first daughter, — I found it expedient to tap him on the shoulder as a gentle warning. Yes, he was a grand and noble character in earlier American history, but can his type endure in this degener- ate age when selfishness and intolerance per- vade the social, political and even some religious organizations? Echo answers, *^can it?'^ I played my part in that great drama of ** winning the West,'' and while some exciting, even blood-curdling, stories of the times have been attributed to my influence over the adven- turous spirits who participated in the work, would it be fair or just to credit me with the larger part of the lawlessness that prevailed! That was a unique period in American history, developing a special type of man to grapple with and subdue the untamed world in which he found himself. But few who did not possess much of the spirit of adventure responded to the call of the ^ ^ wild and woolly West, ' ' and once there, they soon became a living part of their environment. Law and order did not prevail in their midst. [21] AutohiograpJiy of J.olin Barleycorn I, Jolin Barleycorn, am also endowed with a goodly part of the spirit of adventure, so in the natural course of events I found myself west- ward bound to join in the discouragements, the thrills, the dangers, the satisfying sense of dif- ficulties overcome and above all, to become as free in living as the red man with his wigwam and campfires. Amid the discouragements I whispered a cheering word, in sickness admin- istered a helpful potion, and was ever ready to join in the songs of other days around the camp- fires, whereby there were revived in the boys sweet memories of home and loved ones. Were these few ministrations worthwhile to the ** winners of the West?" As for the evil of which I have been accused, can it not be forgotten in the grand final results ; a magnificent country, blooming under cultiva- tion, and blessed with every mark of highest civilization? Surely John Barleycorn has left no lasting stain to mark his footsteps across the western plains. He but followed his adventur- ous companions and lived as they lived. Neither he nor they have any apologies to offer a crit- ical world, for they only obeyed the whispered [22] Autobiography of John Barleycorn order, ^^go win the West,'^ from that secret temple whose god directs human affairs. The great work done in their own way, without aid or advice from those who stood aloof and gazed with holy horror upon the scene. Very early in American history there was established in the villages and cities what is known as the saloon. It was probably brought over in the Mayflower, or some other early transport, being a replica, as near as possible, of the barroom of ^^Merrie England, '^ and was intended as a convenient meeting place for my friends and me. In construction it was some- what peculiar in having a slatted door, pre- sumably to cut off the view of small boys, pry- ing old maids, and tattlers in general. In introducing the American saloon to my readers I am about to enter upon the most eventful and exciting period of my life, for it has been made the excuse for a very bitter and determined attack upon me by a certain class of people. In the beginning of what is to follow I wish it distinctly understood that I am, and have always been, strongly opposed to any such rendezvous for those who expect to derive real [23] Autobiography of John Barleycorn pleasure from associating with me. This state- ment, coming from me, may appear a little in- consistent with a most natural desire to prolong my earthly career, but I have long known that I would get along better with humanity without anything like an enclosed or hidden meeting place. All sorts and conditions of men assem- bling in such a place, some of them lingering and annoying me with repeated overtures of intimacy, frequently resulted in more or less disturbance of the peace of the community and led to severe criticism of me as being alone responsible. I venture to say that had it not been for the saloon I would be on good terms with the American people today, just as I am with the people of France, Italy, Spain and other European countries where no such slatted-door establishments are in vogue. In those countries magnificent cafes are located in the most fashionable shopping districts, all with large glass fronts and handsome interior fit- tings, where my friends find me ever ready to serve them in modesty and decency. As previ- ously stated, those people have known me through many centuries and have learned to [24] Autobiography of John Barleycorn treat me with due respect, thus guarding them- selves against being sent into the streets in a dilapidated condition to meet the sneers of the fastidious and probably be incarcerated in a dismal dungeon, minus what change they may have in pocket. Several years ago there was organized in America what is known as the Anti-Saloon League. From its name one would naturally infer that it has for its object the abolishment of the slatted-door saloon, and really that ap- pears to have been its original aim. More recent developments have put it in a different light before the public, for it has taken upon itself the task of not only driving me out of the saloon, but of literally wiping me from off the face of the earth. Had the Anti-Saloon League adhered to first principles, I might have been induced to become an active member, but having gone so far beyond its original intentions as to seek my utter destruction I most respectfully request that I be excused. The fact is, it appears to me that it has about lost its right to the original name, and could more appropriately be called the League of Intolerance. [25] Autobiography of John Barleycorn Of what class or classes is the Anti-Saloon League composed? I have asked a number of people this question, and the almost invariable reply has been that its chief officers and a large percentage of its lay members are found in certain church organizations; that the officers have been selected from the more belligerent members of the priesthood of these churches, who continue to wear the sacerdotal robes while conducting a political warfare against me in the lobbies of the National Capitol and state legis- latures. If I have not been misinformed, it is thus quite clear that the Anti-Saloon League is a kind of religio-political organization, having for its object the doing away of the time-hon- ored custom in the Christianized world of intel- ligent men and women, associating with John Barleycorn in any way whatever. Before having more to say about the Anti- Saloon League, I wish it distinctly understood that my informants regarding its organization and personnel, assured me that by no means are all the religious organizations in America in sympathy with its idea of directing or guiding man's moral development by the force of human [26] Autobiography of John Barleycorn legislation ; nor have they led me to feel that all the preachers and laymen of the churches nnder which the League was organized and by which it is now controlled, are in sympathy with the departure from the old method of spiritual re- generation. These adherents to the **01d Time Religion'* believe that the war against me, if entirely successful, will eventually lead to some- thing more far-reaching. As one prominent Christian gentleman said in discussing the ulti- mate intentions of the Anti-Saloon League, ^*I can see the League preparing to arrange a gal- lery of gruesome pictures for the edification of coming generations. On one wall there will be placed, ^ Death Agonies of John Barleycorn/ * Expiring Gasp of Old Nicotinus,' * Parched lips of Dead Caffinus,' ^Funeral Pyre of the Sabbath Breaker,' and a few other similar re- minders of what will be done to sanctify man- kind. On the opposite wall will hang ^The Brotherhood of Mankind' — (this last done in colors of doubtful blending and by the hand of a bungling artist). No, I will have nothing to do with such folly. ' ' As above organized, the Anti-Saloon League, [27] Autobiography of John Barleycorn in the beginning of its crusade against me, in- scribed upon its banner a word, whicli, to a man who can lay claim to any right of free thought and action, has an unpleasant, if not sinister, meaning. To throw the word Prohibition across the path of a free man, when the conscientious conviction of his intelligent mind would lead him along that path is, to use a slang phrase, like * ^ shaking a red rag at a bull. ' ' It is quite likely to arouse resentment, and surely does not tend to develop the great spirit of brotherly love. How successfully it can be applied to destroy the natural rights of worthy citizens of a free country, is a matter of conjecture. The methods used by the League in trying to bring about my death varied somewhat as the work went on. Of course, it issued all kinds of propaganda against me. At first, as before stated, the slatted-door saloon received most attention, especially when seeking aid from among that class of my friends and habitual associates, who like myself, were anti-saloon in spirit. This method was most successful in some sections, as Virginia and other southern states. The most plausible offer was made to [28] Autohiograpliy of John Barleycorn the above class of men that if they would assist in closing the saloons, provision would be made whereby they could have me visit them in their homes once a month without molestation. My innocent friends bit at the bait like hungry fish, with the result that the saloons were closed and, for a time, the monthly visitations were be- grudgingly permitted. The next step was to pack the legislatures with willing or easily in- fluenced tools, and then put on the screws with such force that John Barleycorn was squeezed out of the state altogether. I was not even per- mitted to visit the sick except at enormous ex- pense and by permission of a doctor, and if the aforesaid medicine man happened to be a moral- ist the patient must get along as best possible without my help. The above tactics were worthy of applause of the most finished politicians in America, and from a first-class politician's view-point, were strictly honest. Perhaps it will never be fully understood how the National Congress was finally prevailed upon to vote for my annihilation. The vote was non-partisan in reference to the two old political parties, but showed fairly well defined lines [29] Autobiography of John Barleycorn between states, or sections. Strange to say, it was the first time in American history when the southern states put themselves on open record as the enemy of so-called states rights, and of personal liberty. Let others unravel the mys- tery, while I confine myself to a few surmises, or kindly guesses, as to the motives which prompted some of the nation's chosen ones to vote against me. There were probably a few among them who, never having known me per- sonally, imagined me to be some evil spirit sent into the world by His Satanic Majesty to work only injury to man, and having given way to this feeling, were as afraid of me as the old time southern negro was of the hobgoblins by which the country graveyard was infested on dark nights. Some of the same class perhaps looked upon me as a witch, — a survivor from the war- fare waged against those demons in early New England times. No one can censure such people for following their honest convictions. Another, and very large class who, despite a long friend- ship, and against their personal convictions and inclinations, sent up a loud aye for the benefit of the people ^^back home" when the question, [30] Autobiography of John Barleycorn '*sliall John Barleycorn die?" was publicly put to them ; — a class of modern politicians who have lost every moral right to enjoy my society, but who persist in forcing their fond caresses upon me on all possible occasions. I can only invite attention to what I believe to be a fact, — that in the grand old days there were but few such men to be found in the Congress, and there were great men in those days. Only one other class of voters against me will I mention, — those who were and are still my staunch friends, yet voted for my death in order that I might the sooner live. This may seem paradoxical but it will be understood when I later on give my interview with a dear old senator. It so happened that I was in Washington at the time when my case was being discussed and acted upon by the Congress, and frequently strolled up to the Capitol to visit some of my friends, especially of the Senate. They were always delighted to see me and often took me to the cloak room, or to their private offices for old time converse. They were very affectionate, smacked their lips after the loving kiss, and called me dear old John Barleycorn. [31] Autobiography of John Barleycorn One thing I noticed during my visit was, that every time one of my friends presented himself in the lobby he was approached and held captive for a time by one or more peculiarly dressed gentlemen who were everywhere in evidence. These gentlemen were, as a rule, either very portly or extremely tall and slender. All wore long tail black coats, white shirt fronts and neckties, derby or stovepipe hats according to height, and in nine out of ten cases were close shaven. They would grab the senator or con- gressman by the arm, lead him off to one side, twist him around to get at his good ear, hold him for a few minutes in whispered conversa- tion and then turn him loose to catch another victim. I noted that some of the lighter weight congressmen, — those from the small villages and rural districts, — emerged from the whis- pering seance in rather a frightened state, as though the sword of Damocles was hanging over their heads. The old senators, as a rule, man- aged to assume a more dignified air, but almost invariably they came after me to go to the cloak room with them for a minute. At the time I gave very little thought to the above mentioned [32] Autohiography of John Barleycorn activities, but have since learned that they had much to do with my fate. Except for a few minutes in the morning to pay my daily respects to a number of old-timers, I was not in the Capitol building on the day of the final vote by the senate. Great was my sur- prise the next morning when I learned how many of those whom I had considered my truest friends had gone against me. I was shocked, almost prostrated for a time, but finally recov- ering somewhat, made up my mind that I would go to my old chum, Senator Sam Kedtop, and get him to tell me why he and others of his type had gone against me in my hour of tribulation. With a heavy heart I climbed up the Capitol steps, wondering how I would be greeted by Sam. He seemed a little abashed at first, but seeing my calm and resigned demeanor, soon took me by the hand and led me off to the pri- vacy of his office. Once behind the closed door the old gentleman lost no time in going through the usual formalities in greeting me. My free submission to his caresses seemed to loosen his tongue, and it was not many minutes before he began explaining the situation. With a smile of [33] Autohiography of John Barleycorn infinite wisdom on his face he walked over to me and whispered in my ear, * * John, they can never utterly destroy you.'* I wondered what he could mean by these consoling words and asked him to explain. Drawing his chair directly in front of me he sat down, resting his elbows on his knees, and delivered himself of the following discourse. ^^John, you know I have loved you since my earliest boyhood when my father and grandfather enjoyed your constant companion- ship in the old plantation home. You know I have always had you with me and that you and I have never had the slightest misunderstand- ing or breach of friendship. In view of these facts can you, for one moment, believe that I would have cast my vote yesterday as I did, had I not known that you are an indestructible old cuss ? Now let me give you my reasons for vot- ing against you. You know, John, that you have been in the habit of raising the devil in your saloon life ; that you have not confined yourself, as was originally intended, to respectable homes. You must confess that in this saloon business you naturally got yourself into ill repute with certain classes, notably certain [34] Autohiography of John Barleycorn cliurcli organizations that are intolerant, by- nature, of even many ordinary amusements, such as card playing, dancing, theatre going and all forms of Sunday recreation except per- haps walking, joy-riding and discussing the state of society in their neighborhoods. These churches organized against you, first in the saloon, but having met with success there they have now extended their opposition to cover your most private and peaceful fields of opera- tion. They and their followers have so aroused the masses that there has gone up over the country a loud cry of, Mown with John Barley- corn.' In their frenzy they have gone so far that they honestly believe your destruction will be an important step in establishing universal domestic happiness, and hastening the advent of the brotherhood of mankind. '^ Here I interrupted the story, so well known to me, with the question, ^^But why did you find it incumbent upon yourself to go against me in this hour of my tribulation, — why did you not stand by the spirit of the American Consti- tution, as your forefathers would have doneT' **Very easy to answer, John: very easy to [35] Autobiography of John Barleycorn answer,** he replied, ^^if you will be patient and let me put the case before you. You must recog- nize the fact that your enemies have, through such well organized political machines as the Anti-Saloon League, the W. C. T. U. and the like, about secured control of legislation, both national and state. Thus organized they have started a crusade against the principles of per- sonal liberty in the common affairs of life and individual accountability in moral conduct. They have formulated their private conceptions of what should be, — or rather what best suits their inclinations and desires, — and have made up their minds that all mankind must be made to follow. They have not the slightest regard for the opinions or wishes of their fellow men, how- ever well qualified, intellectually and morally, the latter may be to judge for themselves. This is bigotry in its most disturbing form, and it seems almost beyond belief that a highly civil- ized and cultivated people have permitted them- selves to come under its power; yet, this is where we stand today. **Mark you, John, that this movement for paternalism in our government will not be con- [36] AutohiograpJiif of John Barleycorn fined to warfare against you. It would restrict personal liberty along other lines, and if per- mitted to hold sway, will eventually destroy free government. Now, my idea is, that as we have this wave of bigotry and intolerance wide- spread over our country, the surest and quick- est way to get rid of it is to help it along and make it so fierce that the people will see and feel its destructive power, and then rise in their might at the ballot box for its extermination. *^Then, as you can understand, I had two reasons for voting on your case as your enemies wished ; first, as I said before, it can not destroy my old friend, John Barleycorn; and second, I want the people of America to learn, once for all time, that they will be ground into the dust if they permit a narrow-minded class to rule the the country. They can only learn this lesson when they have been brought to realization of the full intent of these would-be reformers, and my honest belief is that the latter will not be long in boldly declaring themselves. We have already heard mutterings of other steps that they will take to put personal liberty far in the background of American life. [37] Autobiography of John Barleycorn **You may perhaps feel that this reform movement might have been nipped in the bud by more strenuous efforts on the part of the older heads in the Congress, but not so. A few of us carefully canvassed the situation, and found that we could do nothing against the powerful political machines of which I have spoken. We found, as you saw in your visits to the Capitol, that the lobbies were filled with petticoats and other long-tailed coats, coaxing and threatening those members who wavered in support of their pet schemes. Not only did they use all the ordinary, and a few new methods of political maneuvering, but took advantage of the excitement and hurry of war preparation. In fact, during all my long career in the senate, I never witnessed better laid plans for pressing through legislation than were adopted and car- ried out by those most innocent looking people. And with what wonderful versatility of per- suasive powers were they gifted! The range seemed to be from the gentle words of the sup- pliant before the throne of idealism, to the fierce threats against all aspirants for political honors who turned a deaf ear to their demands.*' [38] Autobiography of John Barleycorn At this point the old gentleman stopped in his discourse and complained of a decided dryness in his throat. By a single effort I so effectively lubricated the offending organ that he breathed a sigh of relief, and would probably have said more about my undoing in the Congress had I not changed the subject by asking why my enemies bore me such intense hatred. I had my private opinions, but wished to know if he could throw any new light on the subject. He hesitated a moment before replying somewhat as follows : ^'Your enemies of whom I have been speaking have no personal reasons for really hating you. They are simply using you as one of the instru- ments through which they hope to establish such general control of human affairs as will enable them to limit man's luxuries and pleasures to conform to their creed. In other words, they are guided by the spirit of bigotry, or intoler- ance, rather than by any feeling of personal hatred. But, you have other enemies who care nothing for the Anti-Saloon League 's activities beyond their application to your case ; who are fond of the general run of luxuries, and are most zealous in claiming their right to select their [39] Aiitohiography of John Barleycorn sources of innocent enjoyment of life. These may be termed your exclusive enemies, belong- ing to a class by themselves. They can not be classed as bigots, but they possess a large meas- ure of the unenviable principle of selfishness. Among them is the man, who, having found after repeated efforts that he is unable to asso- ciate with you in a decent and modest way, turns his back upon you and does all within his power to break up the pleasant relations between his neighbor and you. Another example of this class is the man who, being so unfortunate as to have a son who gets himself into trouble when under your influence, insists that for this per- sonal reason, he is perfectly right in denying you to the whole human race, notwithstanding the fact that he is surrounded by good men and women who find a great deal of innocent plea- sure in you. Consider them as we may, we find that selfishness is at the bottom of their hatred for you. It is true that the man with the prod- igal son appears before the public robed in the silken garb of paternal love, but close inspection will reveal an inner lining of the coarser fabric of selfishness. Would it not be nobler in such [40] Autobiography of John Barleycorn people to accept and bear their misfortunes, without trying to interfere with their good neighbors in the enjoyment of life? **Your freedom is opposed by one other man about whom it is just and right that I have a few words to say. He is not one of your personal enemies in any sense; on the contrary he has always been rather fond of your society, and would encourage rather than oppose your free- dom were it not that he looks upon you as what the world terms a Tempter; a creature that sometimes leads the inexperienced youth and the weak man astray. The good man is moved by a most noble impulse, and says to himself, *I will forego the great pleasure that I find in dear old John Barleycorn, — only indulging it now and then in secluded places, — and henceforth become my brother *s keeper.' This spirit of self-sacrifice must always elicit highest praise, but does it not sometimes conflict with the eter- nal fitness of things in human life 1 I think that it does, for I believe, that for reasons beyond man's finite mind to fathom, temptation is here to play its appointed part in the drama of human life, and that man has no power to so [41] Autobiography of John Barleycorn change his souPs environments that he can go through life unhampered by this inheritance from the Garden of Eden. I believe, on the contrary, that Man's highest duty is to meet temptation face to face, and by the power of his soul, aided by the Divine Spirit, fight and sub- due it. Then comes his reward, — a higher, nobler and more nearly perfect manhood. No, John, I would not, if I could, go before and re- move all temptation from the road that my fellow man is to travel, nor would I attempt to lead him around by secret paths lined only by the flowers of innocence. I would not know how my innocent charge might be received at the Gates of Paradise. Saint Peter might say to the untried soul, * return to Earth and be tempted, even as the Christ was temptedM'^ ^'Then, let the self-sacrificing man be his brother's keeper in misfortune; holding out to him the hand of love in distress, giving aid in material suffering, and by kind words of advice and counsel help him meet and subdue the enemies of his soul. He can not, however, hide temptation under a mantle of human laws, nor should he make a moral coward of his brother [42] Autobiography of John Barleycorn by encouraging him to shun responsibilities that a mysterious, but unquestionable inheritance has placed upon every human being. *^Now,'' he continued, ^^I have tried to briefly picture your case as I see it. We can not stem the tide against you at this time, but I firmly believe that the American people will eventually see to what point they are drifting on the tide of fanaticism, and will so re-organize the law- making bodies that Eepublican equilibrium will again be established in this free country. The reaction must come directly from the people, — not through the Congress as it is at present organized. In the meantime you must be prepared to suffer, even to the point of having your precious old neck twisted in the formality of execution. But, through it all you can remember that many efforts have heretofore been made to put you out of existence, and that not one has been en- tirely successful. The fact is, John, you seem to rival the proverbial old house cat in the role of recrudescence.'^ After a moment of hesitation the old gentle- man sighed, and thus concluded his dissertation, [43] Autobiography of John Barleycorn '^John, I have been watching the state of the world for some time, and have about come to the conclusion that something is radically wrong in human affairs. The so-called civilized world seems to be on the verge of insanity in one form or another, and unless the proper remedy is applied very soon there can be no accounting for the results. The remedy is not to be found in legislation of a purely moral nature, as some people seem to think. Among an intelligent people, whose personal rights are attacked, this kind of legislation only fans the flames of dis- content, and adds to the general confusion. * ^ The world is sadly in need of great spiritual leaders ; men with unbiased minds and unselfish souls, who can show humanity the pathway of Love that must be followed before there can be hope of finding the haven where * peace on earth and good will towards men' prevails. The goal will never be reached while man follows the leadership of fanatical reformers, whose soul- vision is obscured by their self-made, coercive moral laws.'' Out of the foregoing talk I obtained no little consolation, yet I must confess that after I had [44] Autobiography of John Barleycorn left Sam^s sanctum, there remained with me a decided feeling of discomfiture. Had the old senator not been so confident in regard to my indestructibility, and reminded me of previous futile attempts at my life, I honestly believe that I would have sought safety in lands be- yond the seas. After much worrying, how- ever, I finally decided to accept the situation as best I could, resting upon the old adage, ^* suf- ficient unto the dav is the evil thereof. ' * [45] CHAPTER III AT LAST the fatal day was appointed on which I, John Barleycorn, was to pass away from the face of this fair land of America. January 16, 1920, was the date fixed upon. My friends made the most of me during the few months that preceded, and I must say that we had some gay times together, — very natural in the circumstances, don't you think, kind reader? Rich friends stored me away in all sorts of dark and dismal chambers of their cellars and elsewhere, trusting that I would not be found. The less fortunate in worldly goods went earnestly to work in efforts to devise methods of bringing me to life again after my execution. You may not believe it, but it is an absolute truth, that the above mentioned activi- ties were engaged in by millions of my openly avowed enemies on election day. Perhaps many of them were of the same type as Sam Redtop, at least I will be charitable enough to believe so. It was difficult for my enemies to decide upon the manner of putting me to death. Some were [46] Autobiography of John Barleycorn in favor of hanging, others thought that electro- cution was about the thing, while not a few of the most bitter in their hatred wanted me burned at the stake. It was under consideration, I heard, for quite a time, but at last all of the above methods were discarded and, strangely enough, drowning was selected as the most practicable. The reasons given for not selecting one of the first mentioned methods were, that my neck was too small for hanging, that I was too high strung in nervous energy to be electro- cuted and too wet to be consumed by any ordi- nary fire. January 16th will ever be a memorable day to me in the year's calendar. I shall never forget to give it a shivering thought, for on that date 1920, A. D. I underwent all the tortures of a horrible death, and yet live to tell the tale. It was at the hour of midnight, when certain church bells began to ring out their joyful peals that the procession moved. I was escorted by a long line of moralists bearing banners and torches and making night hideous with their loud shouts of ^^John Barleycorn must die.*' They had immediate charge of the proceedings, [47] Autobiography of John Barleycorn but behind, in mournful silence, marched mil- lions of my good friends who were powerless to stay the mighty hand of the law. They could only pay their last tribute of respect and love to poor old John Barleycorn by following him to his watery grave. The water looked bitter cold, with snow- capped ice floes floating by, and as I stood upon the brink, an uncomfortable chill played along the region of my spine. While I was not exactly paralysed by fear, I can not say that I was at all calm. However, knowing that I was innocent, by ninety per cent, of the crimes for which I had been tried and condemned I braced myself to meet death with as brave a heart as possible. I was also given strength at the last moment by remembering the words of old Sam Redtop, — **John, they can never utterly destroy you," and with these hopeful words tingling in my ears I was roughly tumbled into the icy stream. — But, what joyful surprise burst into my heart! My executioners had bungled the dirty work in, what was to me, a most unexpected but delight- fully surprising manner ; they forgot to weight m^ .down with a heavy stone or bar of iron. [48] Autobiography of John Barleycorn They certainly must have known that I am scarcely heavier than water, but had forgotten it in the haste of satisfy their hate. On account of the above oversight, I had much diflSculty in keeping myself submerged until I had drifted far enough from the spot to venture coming to the surface and working my way to the shore. At the proper time landing was easily accomplished, but oh! how bitter cold! I shook myself like a wet dog, embraced myself freely and sat down to meditate. ^'Here you are,'* I said to myself, ** rescued from an igno- minious death, fulfilling the prophesy of Sam Redtop, but while alive in this land of free men you must henceforth be a hunted fugitive from justice; you must no more be seen in public places, and when you meet your friends it must be in the privacy of their homes behind locked doors or in secret underground chambers where the eye of the law can not discover you. There are no arenas into which you may be thrown to the ravenous beast for the edification of your enemies, but if caught your throat will probably be cut and your life blood poured into the gutter [49] Autobiography of John Barleycorn These were far from pleasant thoughts, but they would crowd into my mind despite all efforts to drive them away. Had it not been that I was now impressed with the idea of being immune from death, as Sam had more than hinted at, I would have ended it all there and then by seeking oblivion in the cold waters from which fate had rescued me. As I sat for a few minutes longer on the beach I heard the bells in the distance still joyfully ringing over my death, and I thought I could catch faint sounds of laughter from those who hated me. When I arose at last and started on my way, the feeling came over me that I was going out into the dark night of fanatical intol- erance, to be pursued by its demons of selfish- ness and hate; that turn where I may, the un- forgiving spirit of forced moralism would re- joice over my degradation, and that the same spirit would be ever ready to vent its hatred upon those of my friends who dared to retain the slightest semblance of devotion for me. Perhaps it would have been better, for those who I knew would hold on to me, if I had not been rescued from the fangs of death, but hav- [50] Autobiography of John Barleycorn ing been endowed with seeming perpetual life, I could only go forth with the consoling hope that I might not be the cause of more physical pain and mental anguish than would have been overbalanced in suffering by my complete extinction. The morning following the eventful night found me once more in company with not a few of my old friends, and strange to say many of them did not appear to be much surprised that I was still alive. I suppose they had been talk- ing to Sam Eedtop. What impressed me most was the ingenuity displayed in protecting me from my enemies. It would simply be a waste of time to attempt a rehearsal of the ways and means employed by different ones for taking care of me, nor would it be ethical on my part to even hint at the least plausible. Suffice it to say that I felt fairly safe for the time being, though subsequent events have rendered it necessary for them to go deeper in a study of the prob- lems ; the minions of the law have not been idle by any means. As time passed the contest between the two factions became more and more exciting, and [51] Autobiography of John Barleycorn sometimes quite amusing to a looker-on. I, being the bone of contention, found myself in all kinds of difficulties; oft times kidnapped and held for ransom at a high price ; roughly handled and my life blood spilled upon the ground; smuggled through underground channels to a supposed place of safety, only to be pounced upon and rushed off to my captor's secret closet for convenient fellowship ; the object of theft on all sides ; the cause of shooting melees between the opposing sides, and no telling how many other rough experiences, without trying to enu- merate the amusing occurrences that daily came to make the drama complete. All of this is being made a part of American history for future generations to ponder over, while those of the present day know it too well for me to waste time in trying to embody it in this brief biography. I dare say, that there are not many of the passing period who have not some per- sonal knowledge of the state of affairs. [52] CHAPTER IV TIME has passed until it is now three years since the unsuccessful attempt was made to put an end to my life. These have been eventful years, not only with me but to the people of the country. As for myself, it is quite evident that I am still able to be ^'up and about. " As to the condition of the country, I do not know what others may think, but from re- ports brought to my secret sanctum, everything seems to be more or less upset, with never be- fore as much restlessness, discontent and the naturally accompanying amount of crime among the American people. It is not for me to offer suggestions as to the cause, or causes, for this state of the country ; only permit me to deny one serious accusation that has been brought against me in connection with the numberless murders that have been committed during this period. I have been accused of committing cold-blooded murders in quite a number of cases ; — this is absolutely false. It is true, no doubt, that murders have been committed by a class of [53] Autobiography of John Barleycorn creatures, masquerading in my clothes, and in- troduced to the unsuspecting public by unprin- cipled agents known as ^ ^ bootleggers. ' * Now, I positively deny any blood kinship with these murderers. They were not bred and born in the aromatic atmosphere of beautiful vineyards, nor can they boast that their ancestors came from that sturdy and vigorous stock, who find sustenance in the com, rye, and barley fields of the world. No, these murderers are the direct product of that dry and arid region prepared by the so-called Anti-Saloon League, where the venomous serpent crawls, and from whence the suffocating dust of Intolerance is wafted by the winds of Fanaticism over the good people of this land. I repeat, that they are no kinsmen of mine, and if I am ever permitted to return in a state of freedom, I will see that their hellish activities cease. This suggests the question, will I, John Barleycorn, ever be a free inhabitant of the American soil again I This question has been so impressed upon me of late by various rumors coming to me, that I crept into Washington one dark night last week [54] Autobiography of John Barleycorn to interview my old friend, Sam Redtop, on the subject. Sam and I have, of course, been in more or less touch with each other ever since our conference in his private office at the Capitol three years ago, but we have not indulged in any serious discussion of my case; our meetings have been strictly social, with only passing references to what was being done in the way of chasing the escaped criminal. As had been my habit on former visits, I stole through dark alleys and by the least frequented streets to the back en- trance to Sam's apartments, arriving about mid- night. The old gentleman met me at the door in response to our arranged signal of two light, followed after five seconds' pause by one hard, raps. We were soon going through the formali- ties of hearty greetings in his cozy bachelor quarters, and when these ceremonies were duly accomplished, I informed him that I had come to get his opinion upon the question of my return to free citizenship in the country. The old gentleman smiled, and after a moment's reflec- tion for formulating his words, gave me the following results of his observations : — ^ ^ John, ' ' he said, ^'you know that your case has never [55] Autobiography of John Barleycorn been submitted to a vote of the people of these United States; that you were tried, convicted and sentenced by the National Congress, and the action later ratified by the legislatures of a sufficient number of the States. In others words, your fate was decided by only a few thousand out of the 110,000,000 people. It is true that the Congress and the Legislatures were elected by a vote of the people, but you can remember that the leading idea (except in the Anti- Saloon League) in those by- gone days was to close the saloons. The number of voters who went against the saloon under the impression, — implied or promised, — that you would be per- mitted to visit them in their homes from time to time, can not be fully estimated, though we are hearing from them on all sides. They were grossly misled as to the ultimate intention of your deadly enemies, and are now clamoring for the opportunity to right the wrong. Then, it is well known that at the time you were con- demned the country was in a state of war and everything was in a more or less chaotic condi- tion; that it was a period when idealists and fanatics could get in their works to best advan- • [56] Autobiography of John Barleycorn tage. I have no doubt that when the time comes for the people to vote upon your case, the Anti- Saloon League and its allied political associa- tions, will find themselves minus a very large vote which went with them under misunder- standings of their real intentions, or was cast blindly and without serious thought of the con- sequences. In other words, those who were in favor of closing the saloons without killing or driving you out of the country, will not be de- ceived in the future, and those who were blinded by idealism have had their eyes opened by the unfortunate condition into which the country has been plunged by attempts at human regen- eration through the owlish wisdom of the fanati- cal minority. *^0n the other hand, the vote against your return will, it now seems, be augmented some- what by the vote of the following classes of people who are reaping rich harvests in profi- teering by virtue of your humiliation; — boot- leggers, moonshiners, smugglers, many munici- pal police, a long list of hired prohibition agents and unscrupulous politicians. These classes will rub elbows around the prohibition ballot box [57] Autobiography of John Barleycorn with the Anti-Saloon League and its support- ers, of whatever caste, in efforts to prevent re- peal of the present laws, for it would not be natural for them to kill the goose that lays the golden egg. **What a remarkable state of affairs! Two classes of people, now killing each other over a law that they will unite in trying to perpetuate at the ballot box! This alone should convince any intelligent man or woman that there is something wrong in the 18th Amendment of the Constitution. ' ^ ' * Do you think, * ' I asked, ' * that a popular vote will be taken? ^' **Yes," he replied, *' without a doubt that time is coming, though the conditions may not be quite ripe for it. It will come in a presi- dential election, — possibly in 1924, — and I pre- dict that it will be the most bitter political contest ever engaged in by the American people. It will be a contest quite different from the usual fight between Republican and Democrat for political control. Great and vital principles will be at stake, involving the right or wrong of personal liberty in a free government, — indi- [58] Autobiography of John Barleycorn vidual rights and moral accountability against class legislation and the spirit of intolerance and oppression. It will arouse ill-feeling in social and business clubs; put neighbor against neighbor; create dissension and unhappiness in the family circle by arraying husband and wife, father and son or brother and sister against each other; weaken the bond of brotherhood that should hold members of the same church together, and probably draw political lines be- tween great religious organizations. ' ' After a moment 's pause, he indulged in a brief soliloquy; — '^Personal liberty! Personal liberty! Often sneered at these days by people who, but a few years ago, cherished it as their most glorious inheritance. Is it to die now? No, I can not believe it. ' ' Turning to me again he said, **John, what puerile, — what idiotic, — excuses are now offered by presumedly intelligent people for turning their backs upon the principle of personal liberty! They claim that my right to associate with you, for instance, should be denied by human legislation on the same principle that murder, theft and other natural crimes are [59] Autobiography of John Barleycorn banned by the laws of God. They do not seem able to draw distinction between those great moral laws that are indelibly fixed in the human conscience by the Divine Spirit, and those other wonld-be moral laws that are born of human selfishness and intolerance. Would they place in the same category those Divine laws, in obeying which normal man finds his highest happiness, and those other moral laws made by erring humanity that often bring discord and discontent? What absolute folly for the fanatic to even intimate that an intelligent man would wish to erase the former from the tablets of his conscience, and how profound the spirit of in- tolerance that would, with the latter, crush per- sonal liberty and thereby threaten the stability of free government! And, does a moral law, enacted by political strategy or through a false conception of what is just, immediately become so sacred that it should not and can not be repealed ! The Lord forbid ! ' ' A few pulls at his brierwood pipe, and he continued; '^ Pardon my little digression, John, but you know that personal liberty is one of my hobbies and I have to turn loose on it now and [60] Autobiography of John Barleycorn then. In fact, I am really proud to say that I have not come to the point of being in the least ashamed that the old spirit is still in my soul. Yes, I can sing that grand old anthem 'My Country, Tis of Thee ^ with as clear a conscience as I could in days gone by, but you know that when I hear some people trying to sing it in these days, I wonder what is the matter with them. As Uncle Remus would say, 'Dey seem ter be sufferin f rum er internal misery. ^ '' Returning to the question of a popular vote in your case, let us briefly consider it from another standpoint; let us look at the state of the country after three years of your prohibi- tion, and see if the beautiful dream of the moralist has not developed into a nightmare of lawlessness. The 18th Amendment was written into the Constitution more than three years ago, and since then, legislation, national and state, has gone to extreme lengths in fruitless efforts to destroy you or drive you out of the country; an armed force of hired sleuths has been organ- ized to enforce legislation; and the Anti-Saloon League, W. C. T. U., and allied would-be re- formatory organizations have done all in their [61] Autobiography of John Barleycorn power to assist enforcement. Under it all, criminal dockets have multiplied beyond the ability of courts to handle them, jails are filled to overflowing and brutal murders over your case have been the order of the day. With the above agencies at work, your enemies are fret- ting and wondering why enforcement is a failure. Just why has it been a failure, John? Is it due to a combination of such causes as dearth of laws, insufficient or inefficient armed force, disinterestedness of court and jury and inadequate punishments ? No, not by any means. The failure to enforce any moral law upon an intelligent, free-thinking and freedom-loving people against their honest convictions, can only be traced to something radically wrong in the spirit of the law itself, and the only sane method of overcoming the evil of non-enforce- ment is to strike at its roots; simply repeal the obnoxious, strife-breeding law. When Ameri- can common sense has prevailed over fanaticism the unjust and oppressive laws against you will be repealed, restoring personal liberty to 110,000,000 people without denying it to one [62] Aid Ohio graphy of John Barleycorn individual, and substituting peace and good-will for strife and discord. ^^But, your misguided enemies seem as deeply imbued with the spirit of intolerance as were the Inquisitores during their reign of terror. They would crush liberty of thought, and substi- tute the principle of coercion for the spirit of Love in establishing that mutual trust and good will between man and man, by which the world may be made better. They will find that their intolerance and oppression will not be meekly accepted in this enlightened age; that a 20th Century Christianized nation does not want, and can not accept, a code of man-made moral laws out of harmony with the true spirit of its reli- gion, and while acceptable to one half of the people, is so obnoxious to the other half that enforcement becomes impossible. I repeat, that the law against your participation in human affairs is one of those man-made moral laws ; the first of its kind in this nation, — the initial step towards a reign of bigotry and oppression. I say it is ' ^ the first of its kind, ' ' and let me add that had it been successful in its operation, there would have been others like it ere this. [63] Autobiography of John Barleycorn *^Will the true American people stand for this ? Again I predict an early realization of the dangers that beset us for I have confidence in the sanity of a large majority of the people of this country. They need only to stop and think for a moment. **But, as I said before, the time for action may not be quite ripe ; maybe the people are not sufficiently impressed, needing a little more grinding to a finer point of oppression to bring them to their senses. Well, if that is what the people of this country want, I am ready to help give it to them. I shall pursue the same course in other legislation of a purely moral nature that I pursued in your case. Yes, I stand ready to vote for the bluest kind of Sunday Blue Laws and almost anything else whereby personal liberty may be brought to its lowest ebb. But, I do not now believe that such strenuous measures will be necessary. I believe that the lawlessness, the dishonesty, the bitter feeling and the loss of human life brought about by the 18th Amendment and its subsequent enforce- ment laws will be enough to bring back the peaceful and happy days of yore without further [64] Autobiography of John Barleycorn reminders of the evil that bigotry can accom- plish." Once more I was encouraged by Sam Redtop 's words, and not wishing to keep him out of bed longer, arose to leave his apartment. With many thanks, not forgetting the parting smile, I went out into the night, dodging lights and through back streets and alleys. Arriving safely in my sanctum I sat down to bring this brief account of myself to a close. After my interview with dear old Sam I could but feel that some day I would once more be- come a free citizen of America, and it made my heart glad. Be it understood, however, that I, John Barleycorn, would seriously object to com- ing back if I am to have any such abode as the slatted-door saloon. Not only that, but I would insist upon having all members of my family subjected to a careful examination by compe- tent government agents, to determine their fit- ness for association with mankind ; also I would ask that the unfit among mankind be debarred from imposing themselves upon my society. I consider this last precaution quite important for maintaining my dignity and good reputation, [65] Autobiography of John Barleycorn for if certain characters are admitted to my society, and indulge in rouglilionse, they are sure to get black eyes and I to get the whole blame. The individuals referred to are very few in number in comparison with the whole community, but they succeed in making them- selves very conspicious, — hence, the howl against me. Now, to friends and enemies, I am about to say adieu for the present. I know that the first will continue to love me, and I hope that the second will ere long learn to bear me less bitter feeling. If Sam Redtop 's judgment in reference to my indestructibility proves correct, and the apparent present trend of public thought con- tinues, I may some years hence resume my American biography. If, however, my Ameri- can life comes to a complete and final end, and I be driven across the seas, I shall go with many pleasant memories of the past, but with sorrow in my heart for the millions of good friends I leave behind in their loneliness. Just one question let me ask before I close; did not the Giver of the Religion of the Soul, in His life upon earth, clearly and unmistakably [66] Autobiography of John Barleycorn recognize in me a fit companion for man, despite the evils of which I am accused? K, after care- ful reading of the records, and after serious meditation thereon you are in doubt, can you not at least find deep down in your heart some responsive chord to what that grand old Persian said, in referring to me nine hundred years ago: *^Why, be this Juice the growth of God, who dare Blaspheme the twisted tendril as a Snare? A Blessing, we should use it, should we not! And if a Curse — why, then, Who set it there. * ' [67] /JT/TfUi'*'' ^J^