ADVICE 
 
 YOUNG LADIES 
 
 ON THEIR 
 
 DUTIES AND CONDUCT IN LIFE. 
 
 T:s3 ARTHUR, 
 
 AUTHOR OF " ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN," " THE MAIDEN, 
 " WIF:?," and " MOTHER,' &0 &C. 
 
 BOSTON: 
 
 PHILLIPS, SAMPSON, & CO 
 
 no WASHINGTON STREET. 
 
 1849. 
 

 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1847, 
 By Elias Howe, 
 
 In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of 
 
 Massachusetts. 
 
 iTEREOTYPED AT THE 
 BOSTON TTPE AND STEREOTYPE FOUKDRY. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Chapter. Page. 
 
 I. Introduction, 5 
 
 II. Right Views of Life, 9 
 
 III. Entering upon Life, 19 
 
 IV. Habits of Order and Neatness, 36 
 
 V. Domestic and culinary Affairs, .... 43 
 
 VI. Improvement of the Mind, 57 
 
 VII. External Condition, 65 
 
 VIII. GossippiNG and Evil-Speaking, 79 
 
 IX. Dress, 91 
 
 X. Health, 95 
 
 XI. Brothers, 107 
 
 XII. Conduct towards Parents, 114 
 
 XIII. Equality of the Sexes, 124 
 
 XIV. Conduct towards Men, 134 
 
 XV. Character of the Men who are re- 
 ceived AS Visitors, 145 
 
 XVI. Receiving Attentions from Men,.... 152 
 
 XVII. Early Marriages, 161 
 
 XVIII. Marriage, 167 
 
 XIX. The Year after Marriage, 185 
 
 XX. A common Mistake, 191 
 
 XXI. Conclusion, 195 
 
ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Right modes of thinking are the basis of all 
 correct action. This is just as true of one sex 
 as the other. Although man has the power of 
 abstract thought and the faculty of reasoning in 
 a higher degree than woman, yet woman is none 
 the less a rational being, and must, in all the 
 various relations in life, come under the guidance 
 of right reason. It is from this cause that we 
 shall, in addressing our young friends on their 
 duties and conduct in life, appeal at once to 
 their rational faculty. Specific forms and rules 
 of action, to be observed on certain occasions, 
 are very well as far as they go ; but a mere for- 
 mulary of good manners and right conduct is a 
 poor substitute for that enlightened reason, by 
 which a woman can at once determine for her- 
 1* 
 
6 
 
 ADVICE TO. YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 self how she should speak and act under any 
 and all circumstances. 
 
 In society, as well as in books, we constantly 
 hear it said that a young lady should act thus 
 and thus in a specified case ; but a sound reason 
 why she should thus act is too rarely given. 
 She is expected to take the mere dictum of those 
 more experienced than herself, whether the rea- 
 sonableness of the thing be apparent to her own 
 mind or not. The consequence is, that what 
 parents and friends see and declare to be right, 
 a young lady too often thinks an indifferent 
 matter, and, led on by her inclinations or pecu- 
 liar temperament, sees no harm in acting directly 
 in opposition to the views and wishes of those 
 older and wiser than herself Many fatal errors 
 have arisen from this cause. The advice thus 
 given is, in most cases, good ; but, being unac- 
 companied by a comprehensible reason, it is not 
 regarded when it opposes a strong inclination to 
 act differently. 
 
 Right modes of thinking are the basis of all 
 correct action. This we repeat, as a most im- 
 portant truism, and one v/hich every young lady 
 should regard as the foundation upon which her 
 whole character should be laid. If she do not 
 think right, how can she act right? To learn 
 to think right, is, therefore, a matter of primary 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 concern. If there be right modes of thinking, 
 right actions will follow as a natural conse- 
 quence. To aid in the attainment of this most 
 desirable state, is one of the objects which will 
 be kept in view by the writer, who will seek 
 rather to give principles of action than rules of 
 conduct ; although the latter will not be entirely 
 neglected. 
 
 False views of life every where prevail. We 
 meet with them in our daily intercourse, in the 
 social circle, and in books. From these flow 
 many and various errors in life, the effects of 
 which are often felt when it is too late to remedy 
 them. And too frequently it happens that the 
 sad experiences of a whole lifetime fail to correct 
 the original error, or give the ability to guard, 
 by right precepts, the young and inexperienced. 
 It is from this reason, that, in giving advice, 
 many persons, who have attained an advanced 
 age, urge the opposite extreme of their own 
 early life as the true mode of conduct. 
 
 The foundation of all error, in regard to life, 
 lies in a single misconception — that of imagining 
 self to be the centre, instead of clearly under- 
 standing that each individual is only a part of 
 a great whole, a member of a common body. 
 This is a truth so essential to the well-being of 
 society, and to the happiness of each individual, 
 
8 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 that it will be kept prominent throughout this 
 volume. It is a truth as essential to a woman's, 
 as to a man's happiness. 
 
 Feeling and perception are the peculiar dis- 
 tinguishing features of a woman's mind ; and by 
 these, more than by a process of reasoning on a 
 subject, does she ordinarily arrive at conclu- 
 sions, and determine her actions. By virtue of 
 this her peculiar form of mind, she is able, in 
 most cases, to determine a question of right and 
 wrong correctly ; but this she cannot always do : 
 her reason must, after all, be, in the main, a 
 guide to her perceptions ; and this reason, to be 
 an unfailing guide, must be enlightened by truth. 
 There must be true modes of thinking, or there 
 cannot be uniform, correct action. The one is 
 absolutely essential to the other. 
 
 Our fair young friends will see, by these few 
 introductory remarks, that we shall, as already 
 said, address their reason. It is the highest gift 
 bestowed upon them by God. It is, in fact, that 
 which makes a man or a woman distinctively 
 human. For a woman to think in her sphere, is 
 as essential as for a man to think in his ; and the 
 more truths she has fropi which to think, the 
 more accurate will be her conclusions. Still, 
 there is a very great difference between the mind 
 of a woman and the mind of a man — a difference 
 
RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. 
 
 9 
 
 that all should clearly see, and which we shall 
 set forth in its proper place. 
 
 dHAPTER II. 
 
 RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. 
 
 A RELIGIOUS view of life ought to he taken, in 
 the beginning, by every woman. What is meant 
 here by a religious view, is simply the forming 
 of a correct idea of the true relation of man to 
 man, and of man to his Creator. Such a rela- 
 tion does exist, and it is essential to the well- 
 being of every one to understand it. Blindly to 
 shut all this out, and to press forward in thought- 
 less uncertainty, is surely not the course which 
 a wise man or a wise woman would take. As 
 we are created beings, there must be an orderly 
 relation in which we stand to God and to each 
 other, and any violation of this order by us, 
 either through ignorance or design, must pro- 
 duce unhappiness. In fact, all the unhappiness 
 that exists in the world is produced from this 
 cause. How essential, then, is it for every one, 
 in starting out in life, to have right views on so 
 important a subject ! 
 
10 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 The first thing to be considered, in the effort 
 to arrive at correct ideas here, is man's origin, 
 and the fact of his having fallen from his origi- 
 nal state. Man, in the order of his creation, 
 did not love himself His love flowed out and 
 sought objects of affection. Supremely he loved 
 God ; and next to this love was the love of his 
 fellow-man. That this was so, is plain from the 
 statement made in the Bible, that man was 
 created in the image and likeness of God. Now, 
 God is love ; not self-love, but a love of making 
 others happy out of himself Such being his 
 nature, the beings created by his hand, in his 
 image and likeness, must have been, in their 
 original state, lovers of others more than them- 
 selves, and seekers of the happiness of others. 
 How different is all now ! Man not only loves 
 himself supremely, but seeks his own good with 
 an almost total disregard to the good of his 
 neighbor. Nay, his love of self is so strong, 
 that hatred to others too often takes possession 
 of his mind. The fall of man, in which he lost 
 the image and likeness of his Creator, consisted 
 in his ceasing to love God and his neighbor, and 
 becoming a lover of self and the world ; and re- 
 ligion is nothing more nor less than the return- 
 ing of man to this true order, and the restoration 
 of the lost image and likeness of God in his 
 
RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. 
 
 11 
 
 mind. Perfect happiness resulted from this true 
 order ; and misery has accompanied, and will 
 continue to accompany, its loss. To love self, 
 and to seek for the gratification of selfish ends, 
 never has, and never will, produce happiness; for 
 it is in direct contrariety to the original law of 
 our being. It is opposed to the very nature of 
 things. 
 
 How important, then, is it, that every young 
 woman, when she first begins to think, should 
 think correctly on this subject, so vital to her 
 happiness ! But it is one thing to think right, 
 and another thing to be able to bring right 
 thoughts down into correct actions in our ordi- 
 nary life in the world. To do this is a great 
 achievement ; it is, in fact, religion. 
 
 There is a great deal said about religion ; and 
 numerous enough are those who profess to have 
 what they call religion. But, at thi^ day, there 
 is very little of true religion in the world. 
 There are external forms of sanctimoniousness 
 and acts of piety ; but these do not make religion, 
 and too often serve only as cloaks for covering 
 up the most direful and soul-destroying selfish- 
 ness. It is no hard matter, however, to distin- 
 guish the true coin from the base counterfeit. 
 There is a test by which the quality of all may 
 be known, and this test must be applied to their 
 
12 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 every-day, not to their Sunday life. Do they 
 love God or self, the neighbor or the world, 
 most? Look at their conduct in all that per- 
 tains to their business and social intercourse 
 with the world, not at what they say, and you 
 will soon be able to decide the question. The 
 tree is easily known by its fruits, the quality of 
 the fountain by the water it sends forth. 
 
 To be religious is not to be an ascetic, nor is 
 it necessary to give up any of the pleasures or 
 orderly enjoyments of life. The world, not the 
 cloister, is the place where religion can alone 
 find a permanent abiding-place — a real growth. 
 What is called the religion of the cloister is no 
 religion at all, but mere selfishness — a retiring 
 from actual duty in the world, into an imaginary 
 state of sanctimoniousness. It is only in life's 
 actualities, in the real every-day business and 
 social contact of man with man, that there can 
 be any genuine religious growth ; for religion is 
 love to the neighbor; and all love, to be genuine, 
 must have an actual existence in deeds, as well 
 as in words — must come into exercise in the 
 every-day affairs of life. It is an easy matter 
 for any one to sit in his closet and imagine that 
 he feels a love for all mankind ; but let him go 
 into the world, and meet his fellow-man as he is, 
 and feel the encroachments and rude contact of 
 
RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. 13 
 
 his selfish spirit, and he will find something rising 
 in his bosom that he would not like to call love. 
 
 The true spirit of religion is a love of being 
 useful to others ; and a religious life is the seek- 
 ing, in all we do, the good of others, at the same 
 time that we fully acknowledge that the ability 
 to do so is not our own, but comes from God, 
 who is the source and giver of all good. Every 
 one, to be happy, must lead such a life ; and this 
 is the reason why we urge the considerations 
 now presented, upon the attention of those for 
 whose particular benefit we write. 
 
 A just regard for the good of others wiiJ not 
 require a woman to neglect any home duty, but 
 will prompt to its more perfect and faithful dis- 
 charge. Her charity will consist in doing all 
 that her hands find to do, with cheerfulness and 
 alacrity, for the sake of others. The comfort 
 and happiness of others are always in her hands, 
 and every act of her life either adds to or dimin- 
 ishes the comfort and happiness of one or many. 
 
 In the beginning, let a young wonran remem- 
 ber, that, as she cannot live for herself alone, it 
 will be true wisdom for her to seek to live for 
 others. Every day of her life she will find her- 
 self placed in circumstances that, if improved, 
 will enable her to give pleasure to, or perform 
 some useful thing for, another ; and her reward 
 
14 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 for SO doing will be a delight sweeter far thai 
 can possibly spring from any selfish gratification. 
 
 Two young ladies sat reading, when a child 
 entered the room, in trouble about his playthings. 
 Something had got wrong, which he could not 
 remedy. He came up to one of them with his 
 useless toy, and asked her to fix it right for him ; 
 but she gently pushed him away with her hand, 
 saying, " Go away, now; I cannot attend to you." 
 He then went to the other, who laid aside her 
 book with a smile, and repaired the toy. It was 
 the work of only a minute, but it was a great 
 matter for the child. His thanks were expressed 
 in his briorhtenincr face. The musical rinrring 
 of his happy voice, as he bounded from the 
 room, echoed back from the heart of the maiden. 
 In blessing, she was herself blessed. 
 
 " Let me wait upon the table, mother," said a 
 daughter, as the family were assembling for ten. 
 *' Your head has ached all day, and you are not 
 well this evening." The mother gave up her 
 place at the head of the table, with a feeling of 
 pleasure, at the aflfectionate consideration of her 
 daughter, that sensibly diminished the pain of 
 her aching head. It was a little matter, seem- 
 ingly, this act of the daughter's, but much was 
 involved in it. The mother was happier, and 
 the daughter felt a glow of internal satisfaction 
 
RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. 
 
 15 
 
 warming through her bosom. While the former 
 was made happier for the moment, the latter was 
 made better permanently. 
 
 " Don't go away, sister," said a poor little in- 
 valid, lifting his large blue eyes to the face of his 
 sister, a young girl in her sixteenth year, who 
 had just come into his room with her bonnet 
 and shawl on. " I want you to stay with me." 
 " Sister must go, dear^^" spoke up the mother. 
 " She has been invited out, and has promised 
 herself much pleasure in going. I will stay with 
 you." '• I want sister to stay too," replied the 
 child. " I don't want her to go away." The 
 sister stood thoughtful for a few moments, and 
 then, whispering something in her mother's ear, 
 laid off her bonnet and shawl, and sat down by 
 the bedside of her sick brother, whose eyes 
 brightened up, and almost sparkled with pleas- 
 ure. First she told him a story, and then, hold- 
 ing one of his hands in hers, she sang to him a 
 little song. '' Sing another, dear sister," said 
 the child. The sister sang another and another 
 song, her voice falling into a lower and more 
 soothing tone. Presently she ceased, and looked 
 up into the face of her mother with a smile. 
 The dear little suiferer was asleep. The maiden 
 bent down over the bed, and tenderly kissed the 
 slumberer's cheek; then rising up quickly, she 
 
16 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 replaced her bonnet and shawl, and glided 
 lightly from the room. Never in her life had 
 she enjoyed herself so well among her young 
 companions, as she did during that evening. 
 Need we tell our readers the cause ? 
 
 We might go on and instance a hundred dif- 
 ferent ways in which a young girl may be called 
 on to practise self-denial for the good of others. 
 If she have younger brothers and sisters, these 
 calls will be made daily, and almost hourly. 
 But, in obeying them, she will always find a 
 higher and purer pleasure than in disregarding 
 them. 
 
 The true spirit of religion, we have said, is 
 the love of being useful to others. This love no 
 one has naturally. We are all lovers of our- 
 selves more than lovers of God, and lovers of 
 the world more than lovers of our neighbor ; 
 and it is hard for us to conceive how there is 
 any real pleasure to be found in denying our 
 own selfish desires in order to seek the good of 
 another. A very little experience, however, will 
 make us plainly see that the inward delight 
 arising from the consciousness of having done 
 good to another is the sweetest of all delights 
 we have ever known. But this love of being 
 useful to others does not easily take the place 
 of our natural selfishness. And it never does. 
 
RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. 
 
 17 
 
 unless we oppose, vigorously, and from a reli- 
 gious ground, our natural propensity to regard 
 only our own selves. What is here meant by a 
 religious ground, is, a regard to God and an obe- 
 dience to his laws, as the duty of a creature made 
 by his hands and sustained by him every mo- 
 ment. These laws teach us to regard the good 
 of others ; and when we seek the good of others, 
 because to do so is to live in obedience to the 
 laws of God, we act from a religious principle. 
 Every effort made in this spirit is an efficient 
 one, and actually produces a change in the in- 
 ward mind, causing a love of others to take the 
 place of a love of self To sin, is to act in oppo- 
 sition to these laws of God. In every instance, 
 therefore, in which we neglect the good of 
 another, in seeking some selfish gratification, we 
 commit sin ; for the law of God, in common 
 society, is, for each to regard the good of the 
 whole. 
 
 A right view of life, then, which all should 
 take at the outset, is the one we have presented. 
 Let every young lady seriously reflect upon this 
 subject. Let her remember that she is not de- 
 signed by her Creator to live for herself alone, 
 but has a higher and nobler destiny — that of 
 doing good to others — of making others happy 
 
18 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG L4DIES. 
 
 The little world of self is not the limit that is to 
 confine all her actions. Her love was not des- 
 tined to waste its fires in the narrow chamber of 
 a single human heart ; no, a broader sphere of 
 action is hers — a more expansive benevolence. 
 The light and heat of her love are to be seen and 
 felt far and wide. Who would not rather thus 
 live a true life, than sit shivering over the smoul- 
 dering embers of self-love? Happy is that 
 maiden who seeks to live this true life ! As 
 time passes on, her own character will be ele- 
 vated and purified. Gradually will she return 
 towards that order of her being, which was lost 
 in the declension of mankind from that original 
 state of excellence in which they were created. 
 She will become, more and more, a true woman ; 
 will grow wiser, and better, and happief. Her 
 path through the Vv^orld will be as a shining light, 
 and all who know her will call her blessed. 
 Who would not wish to lead such a life? Who 
 does not desire to return from disorder and mis- 
 ery, to order and happiness ? 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 19 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 The first important era in the life of a young 
 maiden is when she finally leaves school. This 
 is the time when she begins to think for herself, 
 and is left in more than ordinary freedom to act 
 for herself Up to this period, she has lived in 
 obedience to her parents, guardians, or teachers, 
 in all things. She has gone to school, and pur- 
 sued her studies there under the entire direction 
 of others, submitting her will and her judgment 
 to the will and judgment of others, as older and 
 wiser than herself For years, her mind has been 
 fully occupied with the various branches of knowl- 
 edge which it has been deemed by others right 
 that she should acquire. But now, books of in- 
 struction are laid aside ; the strict rules of the 
 seminary are no longer observed ; the mind that 
 has been for a long time active in the pursuits 
 of knowledge sinks into repose. 
 
 This, which we have called the first important 
 era in a woman's life, may, with justice, be 
 rather called the most important era in her life ; 
 for her whole future life will be affected by what- 
 
20 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUXG LADIES. 
 
 ever is right or wrong in her conduct, and mode 
 of thinking and living, at this period. The habits 
 of order and study which existed while at school 
 were not properly her own, for they were merely 
 the result of obedience to laws prescribed by 
 others; but now, acting in freedom, whatever 
 she does is from herself, and stamps itself per- 
 manently upon the impressible substance of her 
 forming character. If she, from natural indo- 
 lence, sink into idleness and self-indulgence, she 
 will be in danger of forming a habit that will go 
 with her through life; but if, from a sense of 
 duty to herself and others, she still occupy all 
 her time, and all the powers of her mind, in doing 
 or acquiring something, she will gradually gain 
 strength and force of character, as her mind ex- 
 pands, and t! ke, as a woman, in a few years, a 
 woman's true position of active use in her appro- 
 priate sphere. 
 
 Up to the time of her leaving school, a young 
 girl may be excused for acting from either im- 
 pulse or obedience. But now she must begin to 
 think, and her wisest thoughts will be on the 
 subject of life and its requirements. If she do 
 not think now, and act from an enlightened 
 reason, let her be well assured that the time will 
 come when she will be compelled to think ; but 
 alas ! when thought will avail but little in correct- 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 21 
 
 ing some fatal error committed for want of 
 thought, the effects of which will run parallel 
 with her whole life. 
 
 First of J 11, let education and its design form 
 the subject ^f a young girl's sober reflections, 
 after leaving school and returning into the 
 bosom of her family. She will not be long in 
 arriving at this most important conclusion, that 
 the use of the -education she has received is to 
 enable her to ;^erform well the various duties of 
 iife, althou^ri she may not be able to see how all 
 the bra'^x^es to which she has applied herself 
 can be made available to this end. By a very 
 natural transition of thought, she will be led to 
 consider the present, and to ask herself if she 
 have not something to do in the present. The 
 result of this will be the discovery, that, much as 
 she has learned, her education is very far from 
 being, complete, and that, to lit her for a life of 
 active usefulness, — the only true and only happy 
 life, — she has much yet to learn in the process 
 of bringing down her skill and information into 
 every-day uses and pursuits ; nay, more, that 
 she has new knowledge to gain, and new skill to 
 acquire, that call for continued patience, indus- 
 try, and perseverance. But in all she will find 
 this difference, — Before, there was abstract ac- 
 quirement for the sake of the skill and the know!- 
 
22 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 edge; but now, both skill and knowledge are 
 ever flowing out into effects. She has not only 
 the task of acquiring, but the delight of doing, 
 and this is life's highest delight. 
 
 But we will be more particular and familiar. 
 On leaving school, where all has been order, 
 promptness, and industry, a young lady will find 
 herself, as we have said, in great danger of sink- 
 ing into indolence and inactivity. She will find, 
 at first, little or nothing to do. Her mother has 
 been so long in the regular routine of domestic 
 duties, that she does not think of assigning any 
 portion of them to her daughter. She continues 
 to rise early and sit up late, while her daughter 
 remains late in bed, and, wearied with a day of 
 tiresome inactivity, retires early at night. It too 
 often happens, in cases of this kind, thit the 
 daughter is either too indolent, or indifferent 
 towards her mother, to step forward and lighten 
 her care and labor by taking a portion of it upon 
 herself Or it may be that her neglect to do 
 so arises from want of proper reflection. Her 
 duty, however, is a very plain one, and needs 
 only to be hinted at, to cause every right-feeling 
 daughter not only to see it, but at once to enter 
 upon its due performance. 
 
 There are several reasons why a young lady 
 should, on leaving school, engage actively in 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 23 
 
 domestic duties. One has already been stated. 
 Another reason is to be found in the fact, that, 
 sooner or later, she will, in all probability, be at 
 the head of a family, when the health, comfort, 
 and happiness of those best beloved by her will 
 depend upon her knowledge of household and 
 domestic economy. This knowledge can only 
 be gained by practical experience. A man, 
 when he marries, is expected to be master of 
 some business, trade, or profession, by which he 
 can earn sufficient money to maintain his wife 
 and family in comfort ; and a woman, when she 
 marries, is expected to be able to take charge of 
 her husband's household, and do her part with as 
 much skill and industry as he does his. That 
 this latter is not always the case, is much to be 
 regretted. But few, very few young ladies, at the 
 time of their marriage, know any thing about 
 domestic economy. Not one in ten can bake a 
 loaf of good bread, or cook a dinner. In fact, 
 their ignorance on these subjects is a matter, 
 ordinarily, more of pride than shame. We have 
 over and over again heard young ladies boast of 
 their deficiencies on these points, in a way to 
 make it plainly apparent that such deficiency 
 was considered by them as meritorious, instead 
 of censurable. If to be useful — if to be able to 
 make our best and dearest friends comfortable 
 
24 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 and happy — be disgraceful, then we can under- 
 stand why such ignorance is a matter of pride, 
 but on no other supposition. 
 
 A singular error prevails to a very great ex- 
 tent, that there is something degrading in useful 
 domestic employments. Some young ladies would 
 almost as lief be detected in a falsehood, as dis- 
 covered by their young acquaintances, especially 
 of the other sex, in the performance of any house- 
 hold duty. It is no unusual thing to see them 
 with ornamental needle-work in their hands ; but 
 you can never find them making a garment, or 
 doing any work that is really needed in the fam- 
 ily. The former is a pleasing pastime, but the 
 latter is something useful, and the useful is 
 esteemed vulgar and common, and, if engaged in i 
 
 at all, must be done so secretly that no one will 
 have a suspicion of the fact. 
 
 Besides engaging in, and becoming thoroughly 
 conversant with, domestic affairs, there is anothei 
 matter which every young woman should se 
 riously consider, be her condition in life what it 
 may. In this country, more than in any other, 
 mutability is stamped upon the form and features 
 of society. The rich man of to-day is the poor 
 man of to-morrow, and the poor man of to-day 
 the rich man of to-morrow. There is no perma- 
 nence, no stability. A man may count his thou- 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 25 
 
 sands — may lay his hand firmly upon his wealth, 
 and be sure of holding it in a firm grasp ; but 
 in a few years his gold has all melted away like 
 snow-wreaths in the sunshine. Why this is so, 
 is not the question now to be discussed. The 
 fact, is the thing that demands most serious con- 
 sideration. No woman can know at what period 
 of her life reverses may overtake those upon 
 whom she is dependent for all her external com- 
 forts. Her father may become poor while she 
 yet lingers in the old homestead, or her husband 
 may be reduced from affluence to poverty, at a 
 time when children are springing up around her 
 with their thousand wants, few of which can now 
 be supplied. And worse than all this, death 
 often comes in and strikes down the very prop 
 and stay of life, leaving the widow and mother 
 friendless and penniless. 
 
 "Why should I think of these things now?" 
 asks a light-hearted maiden. " If I am to have 
 trouble like this, it will be bad enough when it 
 comes. I will be happy while I can." 
 
 That such trouble, if it should ever come to 
 you, may be lighter and more easily boine, is 
 the reason why it is alluded to now. The 
 sailor, when he puts forth to sea, does not know 
 that he will encounter a storm. But he knows 
 that storms do frequently occur, and that many 
 3 
 
26 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 ships have been lost. With wise forethought, 
 he provides himself with boats, in case his ship 
 should be wrecked ; he has all his rigging in 
 such perfect order, that his sails can be furled at 
 a moment's warning, on the approach of a storm, 
 so that nothing but spars and ropes can be ex- 
 posed to its fury. By such wise precautions, he 
 is able, if a tempest arise, in most cases, to save 
 his ship and the lives of all in it. 
 
 Life is a voyage, and to most of us a rough 
 and stormy one. In commencing this voyage, 
 let each one emulate the wisdom, prudence, and 
 forethought of the sailor. The weaker we are, 
 and the less able to endure the shock of a tem- 
 pest, the more careful should we be that every 
 thing is right before we push oif from the shore. 
 
 It is clear, then, that, in the beginning of life, 
 a woman who has less ability to contend in the 
 world, and is more exposed to evils and hard- 
 ships, should reverses come, ought to furnish 
 herself thoroughly with the means of self-suste- 
 nance and self-protection. This she can only 
 do by acquiring some knowledge or skill, the 
 exercise of which will enable her to supply not 
 only her own wants, but the wants of all who 
 may be dependent upon her. There is no time 
 in which this can be done so well as in the few 
 years which succeed the period of a young lady's 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 27 
 
 final withdrawal from school. These years ought 
 to be employed by all, no matter how high their 
 station, in thoroughly mastering some branch of 
 knowledge, or in acquiring some skill, from the 
 exercise of which, as a regular employment, 
 should necessity ever require it to be done, a 
 livelihood may be obtained. 
 
 Those young ladies who have had the advan- 
 tages of a liberal education will find it only 
 necessary to take up some one of the branches to 
 which they have been giving attention, and per- 
 fect themselves in that. To some, music will 
 present the best means of obtaining the desired 
 end, — to others, the languages, and particu- 
 larly the French language. A good French 
 teacher can always obtain a fair salary ; and one 
 well skilled in the ^-^rinciples and practice of 
 musical science will find no difficulty in making 
 her skill available, should necessity require her to 
 do so. 
 
 To those who have not enjoyed these advan- 
 tages, or who have not sufficient taste for music 
 to enable them to acquire much skill, or for the 
 languages to give hope of great proficiency in 
 mastering them thoroughly, some trade, such as 
 dress or bonnet-making, ought, by all means, to 
 be learned. Six months or a year's devotion to 
 one or the other of these may give the ability, 
 
28 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 long afterwards, to live in independence, or to 
 keep a parent or children above the pressure of 
 want. A case in point may give force to what 
 we are trying to impress upon the minds of our 
 readers. 
 
 Some years ago, a merchant, who had expe- 
 rienced one or two vicissitudes, and who had 
 seen a good deal of the rising and fallmg of fam- 
 ilies around him, was led to think of this subject 
 by seeing the wife of a mercantile friend sud- 
 denly widowed, and left without a dollar in the 
 world. She had been raised in affluence and 
 luxury, and had lived in the same way until the 
 death of her husband, whose estate proved to be 
 bankrupt. Poverty found her without any re- 
 sources in herself She had three children de- 
 pendent upon her for sustenance and education ; 
 but she could do nothing to sustain and educate 
 them. The consequence was, that they were all 
 separated from her : a distant relative took one, 
 a friend of her husband's another, and the third, 
 a boy thirteen years of age, was apprenticed to a 
 trade ; while the mother, almost broken-hearted, 
 sought refuge from want in the family of a poor 
 cousin. 
 
 The merchant had three daughters. The two 
 oldest had just left school, and were preparing to 
 come out upon the world's stage, and take their 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 29 
 
 places as women. He possessed considerable 
 wealth, and was doing a large, and, he believed, 
 a safe business. But he had seen enough of 
 life to be satisfied of the uncertainty of all things, 
 and of the wisdom of making every possible pro- 
 vision for the future. 
 
 " Jane," he said to his oldest daughter, one 
 day, '' I have been thinking a good deal about 
 you and Edith lately, and have at last come to 
 a conclusion that may surprise you. It is se- 
 riously my opinion that you ought to qualify 
 yourselves fully for gaining yoiir own livelihoods, 
 in case any reverse should meet you in after 
 life." 
 
 Jane was the daughter of a rich nian, and had 
 all her life been so far removed from any thing 
 like want, that the idea of ever being in the 
 situatioji supposed by her father, had not once 
 entered her mind. His remark might well oc- 
 casion surprise, as it did, Jane looked doubt- 
 ingly into her father's face for a few moments, 
 and then said, — 
 
 "Is there any danger of such a reverse, 
 father ? " 
 
 " There is nothing certain in this life, Jane. 
 Out of every ten families raised in affluence, at 
 least one half, perhaps two thirds, are reduced to 
 poverty, often even before the younger members 
 
30 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 have attained their majority. Do you see that 
 young woman who has just rung the bell at the 
 house opposite?" 
 
 " Yes, sir ; she is a seamstress, and works for 
 Mrs. ." 
 
 " Do you know who she is? " 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 " That poor girl, Jane, who now goes out to 
 sew for her living, is the daughter of a man who 
 was once considered among the richest of our 
 merchants. But he lost all he possessed, and 
 died penniless." 
 
 "Indeed!" 
 
 ** Yes, Jane. And I could point you to more 
 than a dozen such instances. The tenure by 
 which wealth is held in this country is a very 
 uncertain one. Industry, enterprise, and sa- 
 gacity in business, are almost sure to make a 
 man rich ; but they do not always prove suf- 
 ficient for the retention of wealth. It sometimes 
 happens that a man goes on, year after year, suc- 
 cessful in every thing. Whatever he touches 
 turns, to use a common saying, into gold. Then 
 a cljnnge comes. Every thing goes wrong. Men 
 to whom he has sold goods for years, and who 
 have always paid him promptly, fail. He sends 
 an adventure to sea, and meets a heavy loss. 
 Prices fall while he has a large stock of goods 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 31 
 
 on hand. Thus his wealth diminishes as rap- 
 idly as it had accumulated, and, in the course of 
 one or two years, the rich man is poor. Still, 
 the instances in which men retain their wealth 
 throughout life are not rare. Many large for- 
 tunes are divided among children at the death 
 of their parents. But the instances are rare, 
 indeed, in which these children retain the 
 wealth they have inherited longer than a few 
 years." 
 
 " Can this be really so?" inquired the daugh- 
 ter, with much surprise. 
 
 "It is a truth known to all who have lived 
 long enough to make any observations on the 
 state (5f society around them," replied the father. 
 "It is only a few days since I noticed this re- 
 mark in one of the newspapers, founded upon 
 the very fact to which I have just alluded — 
 ' Nothing, after all, is the best legacy a man can 
 leave his children in this country.' " 
 
 " Why nothing, father ? " 
 
 " Because a man with nothing feels the neces- 
 sity of exertion, and wealth is the result of in- 
 telligent, unremitting exertion. But a young 
 man who inherits wealth does not feel this ne- 
 cessity. He rarely makes a sagacious, enterpris- 
 ing, business man, and is almost sure to lose all 
 he has in a very few years. Usually, such a one 
 
32 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 marries into a rich family, and obtains thereby 
 a good addition to his wealth. But the more he 
 gets in this way, the more extended, generally, 
 become his business operations, and the more 
 certain his ultimate ruin." 
 
 " The picture you draw is not a very encour- 
 aging one, at least," said the daughter, half 
 smiling, half serious. 
 
 " But you may depend upon its being a true 
 one," replied her father. " All that I describe 
 I have seen over and over again, in real life." 
 
 " Then we are in as much danger of being 
 reduced to poverty as any around us." 
 
 " Just as much, Jane. Twice have I lost 
 every dollar I possessed in the world. ' Years 
 and severe experience have made me more wary 
 and prudent than I was earlier in life, and the 
 chances of my retaining what I now have are 
 quite in my favor. But I shall pass away, long, 
 it may be, before you, and you will receive and 
 commit into the hands of another the portion of 
 my property that will fall to your share. As I 
 have been unfortunate, so may he ; and from 
 ease and affluence you may sink into poverty. 
 God grant that it may not be so," the father 
 said with emotion, " but the chances are 
 greatly in favor of its occurrence. Warned in 
 time, my child, as you now are, if you are wise, 
 
ENTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 33 
 
 you will prepare yourself, while you can, for 
 meeting even such a sad reverse of fortune. 
 You have abilities of some kind, that may be so 
 improved as to be to you a means of subsistence, 
 should all external sources fail. Wisely improve 
 them while you can. The very act of doing so 
 will give you more real pleasure than you now 
 suppose." 
 
 This wise counsel was not lost. Both Jane 
 and her sister Edith had the good sense to un- 
 derstand their father, and the decision to act 
 fully up to the sphit of his advice. To one of 
 them he recommended the thorough study of 
 French, Spanish, and Italian, and to the other 
 music ; but the tastes of neither of them seemed 
 to lie much in this way. Somewhat to the dis- 
 appointment of their father, and the utter aston- 
 ishment of their gay young friends, Jane com- 
 menced learning the millinery, and Edith the 
 dress-making business ; and they persevered 
 steadily for a year in what they had undertaken, 
 going four days in each week to the work-rooms 
 of a fashionable milliner and dress-maker, and 
 gaining a knowledge of the art and mystery they 
 sought to acquire by actual labor with their 
 hands. 
 
 Five years had not elapsed from this period, 
 before, in one of the periodical commercial re- 
 
34 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 vulsions to which this country is subjected, the 
 father lost every dollar he possessed. This mis- 
 fortune was followed by one still more severe 
 and afflicting; a stroke of the palsy deprived 
 him of all physical power, and shut him up, a 
 permanent invalid, in his chamber. 
 
 Soon after the occurrence of these unlooked- 
 for and saddening events, Jane and Edith issued 
 circulars, announcing their intention to com- 
 mence the millinery and dress-making business, 
 and had them distributed among their old 
 and fashionable acquaintances. The two girls 
 had always been remarked for their exquisite 
 taste in dress: this fact, added to the two 
 others, their reverses, and their practical 
 knowledge of the business they had under- 
 taken, at once brought them as much as their 
 hands could do, and, in a very short time, so 
 filled their rooms with work, that they were 
 obliged to employ from fifteen to twenty assist- 
 ants. It was not long before their establish- 
 ment was the largest and most fashionable in the 
 city, because their taste was good, and their 
 skill was equal to their taste. The result need 
 hardly be stated. Neither want nor privation, 
 except such as were imposed by sickness, visited 
 the parent, for whom they had a most tender 
 affection. Their household was not broken up. 
 
EMTERING UPON LIFE. 
 
 35 
 
 nor were any of the advantages of a liberal edu- 
 cation withheld from the younger members of 
 the family. The income from the sisters' 
 business was ample for all their wants, and it 
 was dispensed with the most unselfish freedom. 
 
 Can any young lady, no matter how morbidly 
 sensitive she may be about the false opinions of 
 fashionable acquaintances, feel otherwise than 
 proud of such representatives of her sex as Jane 
 
 and Edith ? Did they not act well and 
 
 wisely ? If every young lady, be her station as 
 high as it may, would qualify herself for gaining 
 a livelihood in some useful calling or pursuit, as 
 they did, the yearly reverses that visit so many 
 families would bring far less of suffering, both 
 bodily and mental, than now result from these 
 causes. A man without a trade or profession, 
 who is thrown suddenly upon his own resources, 
 finds it a very hard matter to keep his head 
 fairly above the water. A woman reduced to 
 the same condition is, in every respect, far more 
 helpless. But we need urge this point no fur- 
 ther. If, from what has already been presented, 
 heed will not be taken by the young, nothing 
 further that we could say would be of any avail. 
 
 To be useful is the highest achievement of our 
 lives, and the only certain means of becoming 
 happy. If every young woman could be made 
 
36 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 to comprehend this vital truth, there would be 
 far less of doubt hanging over her future. Fewer 
 disappointments, and more of life's blessings, 
 would be in store for her. If, instead of seek- 
 ing for pleasure, as the chief object in view, she 
 would seek to be useful in her sphere of life, she 
 would lay in her mind the basis of a true char- 
 acter, that active virtue would build up into "a 
 beautiful, harmonious, and ever-to-be-loved and 
 admired superstructure of moral excellence and 
 beauty. Wherever her path through the world 
 might lead her, blessings would attend her way ; 
 and, in blessing others, she would herself be 
 doubly blessed. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 HABITS OF ORDER AND NEATNESS. 
 
 The habits of early life are those that remain 
 with us longest. In fact, it is almost impossible, 
 afterwards, fully to correct them, if bad. Habits 
 of order are among the most important that can 
 be formed ; for, without them, every effort made 
 through life to accomplish any thing will be hin- 
 dered by defects. In seeking to form these 
 
HABITS OF ORDER AND NEATNESS. 
 
 37 
 
 habits, if a disposition to be orderly do not exist, 
 a young lady should begin by "having in her own 
 room a place for every thing, and next she 
 should be very careful always to have every 
 thing in its place. This will require a little 
 thoughtful arrangement at first, and afterwards 
 call for only a moderate degree of resolution and 
 watchfulness. The fact of being in a hurry 
 should never be admitted as an excuse for break- 
 ing through this rule. The time gained by 
 throwing a thing down upon the bed, a chair, or 
 a table, instead of restoring it to its appropriate 
 place in the drawer, or closet, is so small that it 
 is not worth considering. Fifteen or twenty 
 seconds, or a minute at most, are always suf- 
 ficient for this purpose. 
 
 A proper regard for time is a thing of great 
 importance, and absolutely necessary to the for- 
 mation of an orderly habit of doing things. 
 Some persons will waste one hour, and then 
 crowd into the next the duties of both. Of 
 course, the duties are discharged imperfectly 
 It could not be otherwise. This habit is the 
 parent of much disorder. How often is it the 
 case that a young lady has an engagement to 
 pay some visits with a friend, for whom she is to 
 call at a certain hour. The friend is ready pre- 
 cisely at the time appointed, but the young lady 
 4 
 
38 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 does not make her appearance for thirty or forty 
 minutes. " O dear ! " she exclaims, coming in 
 all out of breath, and exhibiting sundry defects 
 in her toilet arrangements, "I hope I haven't 
 kept you waiting. I got so interested in a book, 
 that I entirely forgot the time, until I heard the 
 clock strike the hour at which I was to be here. 
 I have had almost to throw my clothes on, and 
 no doubt look like a perfect fright ! " Again, 
 the same young lady is making a visit, and be- 
 comes so much interested in her companions 
 that she lets the hour at which she is to take her 
 lesson in French or music go by, leaving her 
 teacher to wait impatiently for her, and neglect- 
 ing a matter of real importance for the enjoy- 
 ment, it may be, of a little frivolous chit-chat. 
 There is a time for all things, as well as a place 
 for every thing, and the doing of things at proper 
 times, and the keeping of things in their proper 
 places, are essential to the orderly and efficient 
 discharge of life's most serious as well as most 
 trivial duties. 
 
 The importance of orderly habits is never 
 fully understood by the young who have friends 
 to care for them and supply their wants. But 
 there copies a time in life when duties, various 
 and pressing, meet a woman at every turn — 
 duties which it will be impossible for her to 
 
HABITS or ORDER AND NEATNESS. 
 
 39 
 
 discharge well, unless all be done in an orderly 
 series. If thus done, they will rarely seem bur- 
 densome. It is the confliction of duties that 
 frets the mind, not the number of them; and 
 there is always this confliction where there is no 
 habit of order. 
 
 One of the strongest reasons for urging upon 
 the young the formation of habits of order, is the 
 indisputable fact, that at the time in life when 
 such habits are most needed, it is almost, if not 
 quite, impossible to form them, the opposite habit 
 of disorder having become, by long indulgence, 
 too fixed for eradication. 
 
 Want of order in a woman is not a defect the 
 evils of which are visited upon herself alone. 
 Every woman, as well as every man, must lead 
 an active life, in some sphere or other. Nearly 
 every thing that we do has reference to and 
 affects others. There is scarcely a single action 
 that is not felt, with the good or evil that apper- 
 tains to it, by others. If, from any cause, we 
 perform our allotted offices in the world defec- 
 tively, we do others a wrong ; and defect must 
 attend every effort, which is not made and con- 
 tinued in an orderly way. If the mother have 
 no habits of order, will not her children suffer 
 in consequence? If the wife have similar de- 
 fects, will they not be felt by her husband ? 
 
40 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 Such must be the inevitable result, not only in 
 these instances, but in every thing that pertains 
 to a woman's domestic and social relations. 
 
 Order, then, is the essential prerequisite of 
 every truly efficient action. Without it, nothing 
 can be done well ; with it, there is no duty in 
 life that may not be rightly performed. With- 
 out it, the lightest task is burdensome ; with it, 
 that which to look at seems almost herculean 
 becomes a matter of easy accomplishment. 
 
 But let it not be forgotten that the habit of 
 order must be formed in early years. When 
 life's most serious duties press upon the mind, 
 and demand the exercise of all its energies, 
 there is no time to think about systems of order, 
 and little inclination to attempt doing so. 
 
 Neatness almost invariably accompanies order ; 
 indeed, the one is nearly inseparable from the 
 other. When we see a neat person, we expect 
 to find one who is orderly in all her habits, and 
 we are rarely mistaken. Neatness in dress 
 should be regarded as much as neatness in every 
 thing that is done. A want of neatness, as well 
 as a want of order, shows a defect in the mind, 
 the correction of which is essential to happiness. 
 The only way to correct any such defect is to 
 act in opposition to it. Into every action there 
 must come down, as its principle of life, some 
 
HABITS OF ORDER AND NEATNESS. 
 
 41 
 
 power or faculty of the mind. If, insteaa of 
 doing every thing carelessly, and letting all 
 things around us fall into confusion, we compel 
 ourselves to act with order and neatness, an 
 orderly principle of the mind comes into activ- 
 ity, in an orderly form of ultimate life, and the 
 disorderly principle, finding no form in the ulti- 
 mate life for its activity, lies dormant on the cir- 
 cumference of the mind, and, unless there be a 
 relapse into disorderly action, will lie there for- 
 ever dormant. 
 
 We would urge upon our young readers most 
 earnestly to reflect upon what we have just said, 
 and to endeavor, before passing on, to fully un- 
 derstand it; for the last paragraph we have 
 written contains the most simple, and, at the 
 same time, the only true philosophy of reforma- 
 tion. It is applicable as well to the whole life, 
 and all that appertains to it, as to the particular 
 thing to which we have applied it. It is only by 
 compelling ourselves to act right, that we can do 
 any thing towards correcting the inherited dis- 
 orders of our minds. We may have right 
 thoughts, but if we only think right, and make 
 no effort to do right, we do not advance a single 
 step in the work of reformation. 
 
 This is the reason why we so often meet with 
 4* 
 
42 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 persons who seem fully to understand the theory 
 of right living, but who actually live in a manner 
 very different from the ideal perfection which 
 they presented with so much vividness and 
 beauty. We remember once hearing a lady 
 discourse with great eloquence on the use and 
 power of order in all domestic arrangements. 
 She spoke of its effects upon children, and drew 
 a most glowing picture of a family in which 
 order reigned in all things supreme. Some 
 months afterwards, on becoming more intimately 
 acquainted with this lady, who was a woman of 
 some literary attainments, we accepted an invita- 
 tion to take tea and spend an evening with her. 
 The conversation alluded to was still fresh in 
 our recollection, and we fully expected to see a 
 family-model of neatness and order. But we 
 were sadly disappointed. Worse behaved chil- 
 dren, or a more disorderly household, we have 
 never seen. The mother was a capital thinker, 
 but that was all. 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 43 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 A BRIEF allusion has already been made to 
 domestic duties. But their importance requires 
 some more particular reference. At the outset, 
 it may be as well to notice a singular, but very 
 prevalent error, which has, strangely enough, 
 crept into the minds of a great many, especially 
 those who have acquired some literary taste, and 
 have imbibed the modes of thinking of a certain 
 philosophical school of literary ladies. This 
 error lies in the notion that there is something 
 in domestic duties, that, if not actually degrad- 
 ing to a refined and intelligent woman, is rather 
 below the plane of her true social sphere. The 
 consequence is, that to housekeepers, and nurses, 
 and cooks, are given up, not only the actual 
 doing of all that pertains to the household econ- 
 omy ; but their intelligence, such as it is, and 
 their government, pervade the whole, instead of 
 the intelligence and government of the true mis- 
 tress and head of the family. 
 
 Men who not only see, but deeply feel, the 
 evils arising from this error, and who strongly 
 
1^:-:'. 
 
 44 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 condemn it, are accused of wishing to degrade 
 woman into the condition of a mere household 
 drudge. But this is altogether a false issue. A 
 household drudge, and a woman who rightly 
 governs in her ov/n family, are very different. 
 But it is not to be concealed that no woman 
 can properly govern in her family, and lead a 
 life of idleness. The one is incompatible with 
 the other. She can no more do it than a man 
 can carry on his business successfully without 
 industry and attention. To prepare himself to 
 do this, a man has, early in life, to spend years 
 in attaining to a full and practical -knowledge 
 of that calling in life by which he expects to 
 sustain himself and all who may be dependent 
 on him ; and the same must be true of every 
 woman. Her sphere of use is in the domestic 
 and home circle, and she must pass through a 
 like course of preparation, or she will be no 
 more able to discharge her duties efficiently, 
 when the time comes for her to assume them, 
 than he would be to discharge his duties, if he 
 were alike neglectful. 
 
 The simplest mode of viewing this matter may 
 be, perhaps, in a comparison of what a man has 
 to do in business and a w^oman at home, and to 
 decide whether the one is more burdensome and 
 less honorable than the other. We will take a 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 45 
 
 storekeeper, for instance — a grocer or a dry 
 goods' dealer. He has served, in the first place, 
 an apprenticeship at the business, industriously 
 working with his hands, as well as with his mind, 
 for one, two, three, or four years. At length, he 
 goes into business for himself, and, after a few 
 years, takes a wife, and makes her the mistress 
 of his household. His business we will suppose 
 to be successful. This being the case, we know 
 that he must diligently attend to it, and give it 
 the strength of his very best thoughts. Early in 
 the morning, he goes to his store, and there he 
 remains through the day, except when called out 
 on business, or during a brief intermission of his 
 duties for dinner. He stands at his counter, and 
 serves out his goods to his customers ; he looks 
 over his accounts, and sees that all is done cor- 
 rectly ; he carefully watches the markets, in 
 order to buy with safety. In fact, all the 
 powers of his mind and body are devoted to his 
 business. He knows that there is no other way 
 of success. If he were to pause to take his 
 ease, or to think about the drudgery of his life, 
 he knows too well that all would be in danger, — 
 that he would be unable to secure, for those best 
 beloved by him, the comforts he now brings into 
 his household. 
 
 Now, is it requiring too much of the wife of 
 
46 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 such a man — is it degrading her into a house- 
 hold drudge — to ask her to see that, when he 
 comes home wearied from his store, his meals 
 are in time, and well and healthily cooked? — 
 to ask her to think of his comfort, and to even 
 work some with her hands to secure for him 
 this comfort, if it can be done in no other way ? 
 Does she degrade herself by consulting his appe- 
 tite, for instance, and seeking to gratify him by 
 having something on the table that she knows 
 will please him ? or by seeing that order and com- 
 fort are in all parts of her household ? Wecan- 
 not believe that any woman truly loves h er hus- 
 banH7"whTj lea ve s afr ^eselTr atteis i ^T t he cook 
 or the housekeepef. WlTat'do they know ot his 
 pec"ulTar~tastes, or, knowing, care? They do 
 their part for hire ; but she should do her part 
 for love, and love is ever seeking some new mode 
 of blessing its object. 
 
 How there is any thing more degrading in 
 making up and baking a loaf of bread, for in- 
 stance, or in thinking about and giving direc- 
 tions for a dinner, than in selling goods over 
 the counter, is something inconceivable to us. 
 False, indeed, are her ideas of life, who can see 
 any degrading distinctions her^. In matters of 
 this kind, our modern ladies have reached a 
 degree of refinement far in advance of the ladies 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 47 
 
 of former times, whose chief pride consisted in 
 their being thoroughly acquainted with every 
 branch. of household economy. Nor were they 
 less intelligent than those of the present day, who 
 eschew these things as below them. 
 
 In order that s he may be qualified to act well 
 her part in life, a young lady should acquire a 
 thorxTagTi knowiedge of all domestic and culinary 
 affairs, so that, even if she should never be re- 
 quired by circumstances to go into the kitchen 
 to cook a_dinner, she w.ill.yeA be able to give 
 directions^^^how to do it, and kno\v when it is 
 PI2R^!l-d2Mi No ^^^ knows what a day may 
 bring forth. Life is a scene of perpetual changes. 
 We have known ladies who have been raised in 
 entire freedom from labor, suddenly reduced to 
 poverty, and compelled, for a time, to do what 
 might well be called household drudgery, or see 
 their husbands and children subjected to the 
 severest privations. And even where no such 
 reverse, but only a change from one section of 
 the country to another, has taken place, the 
 necessity for a practical knowledge of every 
 thing pertaining to housekeeping is frequently 
 found to exist. 
 
 A very beautiful and delicately-raised girl was 
 married, not long since, to a young man on the 
 
48 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 eve of his departure, with a stock of goods, to a 
 small but thriving town in the west. Her parents 
 were in moderate circumstances ; but she was 
 their only daughter, and they had raised her 
 most tenderly. Every dollar that could be 
 spared was expended on her education. The 
 highest accomplishments were sought for her. 
 At the time of her marriage, she "Vas a young, 
 slender, sylph-like creature, that looked as if 
 time had never showered any thing but blossoms 
 on her head. She could dance with the grace 
 of a fairy, perform with great skill upon the 
 piano, harp, or guitar, and sing exquisitely. 
 But she knew as little about housekeeping as a 
 boy just let loose from school. 
 
 A few weeks after their marriage, the young 
 couple started for their new home in the west. 
 On arriving there, they found a little village of 
 three or four hundred inhabitants, in which was 
 a stage-house, or tavern, kept by a drunken Irish- 
 man. At this house they were compelled to 
 stay for two or three weeks, until their furniture 
 arrived. There was no other boarding-place in 
 the village. By the time their furniture was re- 
 ceived, they had rented the only vacant house 
 there was. This was a small frame tenement, 
 containing four rooms, two below and two 
 above. It stood alone, on the outskirts of the 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 49 
 
 village. Without, all was cheerless enough. 
 The yard contained about an eighth of an acre, 
 and was enclosed by a post and rail fence. 
 There was upon it no tree nor shrub ; but plenty 
 of rubbish from the house, which had just been 
 built. Inside, every thing was as meagre and 
 common as could well be. There were win- 
 dows, but no shutters; rooms, but no closets; 
 walls, but no paper — not even whitewash. All 
 was as brown and coarse as when it came from 
 the hands of the plasterer. The young bride 
 shed many tears in prospect of being compelled 
 to occupy so miserable and lonely a place, and 
 the young husband was made to feel as wretched 
 as could well be, in consequence. 
 
 At length their furniture arrived; but there 
 were no upholsterers to make and put down the 
 carpets. Nor could any body, with the ability to 
 ply a needle, be obtained, in the village, to do 
 the work. After various efforts and inquiries 
 oil the subject, the bride was coolly told by a 
 plain-spoken matron, that she guessed she would 
 have to make her carpet herself, adding, " People 
 in these 'ere parts have to help themselves." 
 The making and putting down of carpets was 
 more serious work than she had been used to, 
 or ever thought of doing. But it was out of the 
 question to think of living on bare floors ; so, 
 5 
 
50 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 after taking a good hearty cry to herself, she 
 went to work, and, after two or three days of 
 steady application, got the carpets made and 
 tacked down. It is not to be denied that some 
 of the figures v»'ere a long ways from matching, 
 and that a number of rough places in the seams 
 attested the young lady's want of skill in such 
 matters. But the work was done, after a fashion, 
 and that was a good deal. The bedsteads were 
 then put up, the furniture arranged, and the 
 young couple took possession of their new home. 
 
 But here a new and undreamed-of difficulty 
 arose. A servant could not be had for love nor 
 money. There was not a woman in the village 
 who had any help, unless she were fortunate 
 enough to have a grovvn-up daughter, a niece, or 
 an unmarried, sister living with her. 
 
 "What am I to do?" asked the bride in 
 despair, after she fully understood the disabil- 
 ities with which housekeeping was to be attend- 
 ed. " I can't cook and do all the work about 
 the house. I never got a meal's victuals in my 
 life." 
 
 " We can go back to the tavern and continue 
 boarding, I suppose," said the young husband, 
 uttering what he did with great reluctance ; for 
 the accommodations at the stage-house were 
 little better than no accv^mmodations at all. 
 
 tr 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 51 
 
 " I wouldn't be paid to stay another night in 
 that house," was the quick reply. " The worst 
 fare we can have here will be better than going 
 back to that wretched place." 
 
 "I fully agree with you," said the husband. 
 " Bread and water here would be preferable to 
 the richest food there. Try and do the best you 
 can, and I will help you all I know how. It 
 would be a pity, it seems to me, if two young 
 people, with health, and the means of living as 
 we have, could not take care of themselves." 
 
 So it seemed to the young wife; but, then, 
 how was she to do at all 1 She could make a 
 cup of tea, but that was about the most she 
 could do. As to baking a loaf of bread, she 
 knew no more about doing it than if she had 
 never heard of bread ; and the cooking of meat, 
 or the making of pies or puddings, were mys- 
 teries of the culinary drt far beyond her compre- 
 hension. 
 
 The attempt to buy bread for the first meal 
 proved unavailing. There was no baker yet 
 in the village. The effort to beg or borrow 
 was more successful. The young man called in 
 at the house of their nearest neighbor, and 
 frankly stated his difficulty. The woman to 
 whom he applied understood the position of the 
 young couple in a moment. She was of the 
 
52 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 better sort, and not only supplied them with a 
 couple of large fresh loaves of good bread, but 
 promised to step over in the morning, and give 
 the inexperienced bride some little instruction in 
 household affairs. She was as good as her word, 
 and her young scholar was quite an apt one. 
 The situation in which the latter found herself 
 so unexpectedly placed caused her to reflect 
 upon and to be ashamed of her deficiencies. 
 She had spent years in the acquirement of va- 
 rious branches of information, many of them 
 little better than useless ; but not one of them 
 was now available in this her first essay in life. 
 Her education had been confined almost en- 
 tirely to the ornamental, while the useful had 
 been totally neglected. She had married, and 
 commenced the world with her husband. He 
 was fully prepared to do his part, but she was 
 entirely deficient in ability to do hers. But she 
 had the merit of possessing a fair proportion of 
 common sense ; had some quickness of percep- 
 tion ; and, being willing to do the best she could, 
 was not long, under the kind instruction of her 
 neighbor, in acquiring a very fair knowledge of 
 housekeeping. For six months, she did all her 
 own cooking, baking, washing, and ironing. 
 There was no help for it ; unless she did it, it 
 would have to remain undone. After that, she 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 53 
 
 v/as fortunate enough to obtain a good domestic, 
 brought from the East by her husband, when he 
 went on to purchase goods. 
 
 A little previous instruction in housekeeping 
 affairs would have saved this person from a good 
 deal of mortification, trouble, and perplexity. 
 
 A friend of ours, remarkable for his strong 
 good sens, J, married a very accomplished and 
 fashionable young lady, attracted more by her 
 beauty and accomplishments than by any thing 
 else. In this, it must be owned that his strong 
 good sense did not seem very apparent. His 
 wife, however, proved to be a very excellent com- 
 panion, and was deeply attached to him, though 
 she still loved company, and spent more time 
 abroad than he exactly approved. But, as his 
 income was good, and his house furnished with 
 a full supply of domestics, he was not aware of 
 any abridgments of comfort on this account, and 
 he therefore made no objection to it. 
 
 One day, some few months after his marriage, 
 our friend, on coming home to dinner, saw no 
 appearance of his usual meal, but found his wife 
 in great trouble instead. 
 
 "What's the matter?" he asked. 
 
 " Nancy went off at ten o'clock this morning," 
 replied his wife, " and the chamber-maid knov. s 
 5* 
 
64 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 no more about cooking a dinner than the man 
 in the moon." 
 
 " Couldn't she have done it under your direc- 
 tion?" inquired the husband, very coolly. 
 
 " Under my direction ? Goodness ! I should 
 like to see a dinner cooked under my direction." 
 
 "Why so?" asked the husband in surprise. 
 " You certainly do not mean that you cannot 
 cook a dinner." 
 
 *' I certainly do, then," replied his wife. " How 
 should I know any thing about cooking ? " 
 
 The husband was silent, but his look of aston- 
 ishment perplexed and worried his wife. 
 
 " You look very much surprised," she said, 
 after a moment or two had elapsed. 
 
 "And so i am," he answered, " as much sur- 
 prised as I should be at finding the captain of 
 one of my ships unacquainted witTi navigation^ 
 Don't know-how to cook, and the mistress of_jL, 
 f amily ! Janej if there is^_a cooking school any 
 where in the city, go to it, and complete your 
 education, for it is deficient in a very important 
 particular." 
 
 The wife was hurt and oftended at the words 
 and manner of her husband ; but she soon got 
 over this. The next time the cook went away, 
 there was no trouble about the dinner. 
 
DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 
 
 55 
 
 Under ordinary circumstances, a woman whose 
 husband enjoys a moderate income has no need 
 to do much in the way of cooking; but as most 
 of the domestics to be obtained know very 
 little about this very important branch of house- 
 hold economy, it is absolutel y ne ces sary that the 
 mistress of a family should herself be able to 
 give the most particular directions on thesubiect_ 
 — should, in fact, know how to cook ever^_djsh 
 ordinarily served upon the table. But there are 
 occasions "wEen~tono second hand should be 
 delegated the task of preparing certain articles 
 of food. We now allude to sickness. No hand 
 but tVip }}T\n{\ of ^ wi fe should prepare the food. 
 ofjher ^^i ' il ^^'i ^ when he i B. Ja i£k ; and no hand 
 but the lianri nf ^ ^-nn^lif^f,^ t he, food of h er child. 
 A "remembrance of the badly-prepared, tasteless 
 food, which almost every woman has had served 
 to her, in sickness, from her own cook, will be 
 felt as a sufficient reason for this declaration. To 
 cook for the sick requires an experienced hand. 
 A woman who knows nothing at all about cook- 
 ing will fail entirely in the attempt, and if her 
 husband be sick, he will be fortunate, indeed, if 
 he can take more than a few spoonfuls of the 
 tea, or a few morsels of the toast, that is brought 
 to his bedside as he begins to convalesce. 
 
 If for no other purpose, a young lady should 
 
56 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 learn the art of cooking, in order that she may 
 be able to prepare the food of her parent, 
 her brother, her sister, or, at some future time, 
 the food of her husband, when sick. This may 
 seem a little matter. But no one who has been 
 sick will think it so. 
 
 This subject is one that admits of a great deal 
 more being said on it than we have brought for- 
 ward. Enough to cause every thinking young 
 woman to reflect seriously on its importance, 
 has, however, been introduced. It must not be 
 inferred that we would shut every woman up, a 
 prisoner in her house, and cause her to devote 
 every hour of her time to domestic duties. All 
 we contend for is, that a woman should govern 
 in her household, as fully as a man governs in 
 his store, office, counting-room, manufactory, or 
 workshop, and that, in order to do this, she 
 should qualify herself beforehand for her par- 
 ticular duties, as he has to qualify himself 
 for his. 
 
IMPROVEMENT OP THE MIND. 
 
 57 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 IMPROVEMENT OF THE MIND. 
 
 We often find two persons, who have been 
 equally well educated at school, one of whom is 
 greatly in advance of the other, in point of in- 
 telligence. This does not always arise from the 
 superior ability of one, but because one of them 
 had read, thought, and observed, more than the 
 other. What_jwe ^ain at school is only the 
 means of becoming wise and useful. Jf we let 
 it lie inactive in our minds, it will do us no 
 good. How quickly does a young lady lose her 
 power over the piano, if she neglect the instru- 
 ment ! How soon is a language forgotten, if 
 we do not attempt to speak or write it ! And 
 this is true of nearly every thing that is acquired 
 at school. It lies merely in the outer court of 
 the memory, and does not enter and make any 
 permanent impression upon the mind, until it is 
 practised and made useful in every-day life. 
 
 We often hear it said of a woman, in society, 
 that she is a well-educated woman ; and the in- 
 ference usually drawn is, that she has received a 
 liberal education at school. But the remark 
 
 n r 
 
58 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 means something more ; it means that she is a 
 
 i reading, observing, and reflecting woman. Hun- 
 
 I dreds have their memories crowded with the 
 
 I rudiments of an education, that lie there as in- 
 
 j active as food in the stomach of a dyspeptic ; 
 
 I and they imagine themselves to be well edu- 
 
 I cated; but it is all an imagination. To be well 
 
 j educated is something very different from this. 
 
 I All real improvement of the mind commences 
 
 I at the time we first begin to think for ourselves ; 
 
 and this is after we have left school. At school, 
 
 we merely acquire the means to be used in that 
 
 true and higher order of education which every 
 
 I one must gain for himself. It matters not how 
 
 i many studies a young lady may have pursued at 
 
 I school, nor how thoroughly she may have mas- 
 
 1 tered all she attempted to learn : if, after leaving 
 
 I school, she do not read, observe, and think, she 
 
 will never make an intelligent woman. 
 
 In every company a young lady will find two 
 classes of persons, distinctly separated from each 
 other. If she mingle with those of one class, 
 she will find their conversation to consist almost 
 entirely of light and frivolous remarks on peo" 
 pie's habits, dress, and manners, with the occa- 
 sional introduction of a graver theme, that is 
 quickly set aside, or treated with a 4evity entirely 
 at variance with its merits. But if she mingle 
 
IMPROVEMENT OF THE MINB. 
 
 59 
 
 with those of the other class, she will find her- 
 self at once upon a higher plane, and be im- 
 pressed with the pleasing consciousness that she 
 has a mind that can think and feel interested in 
 subjects of general and more weighty interest. 
 An hour spent with the one class leaves her 
 mind obscure and vacant ; while an hour spent 
 with the other elevates, expands, and strengthens 
 its powers, and causes it to see in a clearer at- 
 mosphere. 
 
 With one or the other of these classes a young 
 lady is almost sure to identify herself, and rise 
 into an intelligent woman, or remain nearly upon 
 the level she at first occupied. We need not 
 say how important it is for her to identify herself 
 with the right class. Of course, her own tastes 
 and preferences will have much to do in this 
 matter. But, if she incline towards the unthink- 
 ing and frivolous, she will be wise if she resist 
 such an inclination, and compel herself, for a 
 time, to mingle with those who look upon life 
 with the eye of rational intelligence, and seek to 
 live to some good purpose. The mental food 
 received during the time she thus compels her- 
 self to mingle with them will create an appetite 
 that unsubstantial gossip and frothy chit-chat can 
 no longer satisfy. 
 
 The importance and necessity of reading need 
 
60 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 hardly be affirmed. Its use is fully understood 
 and admitted. But there is great danger of 
 enervating the mind by improper reading. For 
 a young girl to indulge much in novel-reading 
 is a very serious evil. Few of the popular 
 novels of the day are fit to go into the hands of 
 a young and imaginative girl. Apart from the 
 false views of life which they present, and the 
 false philosophy which they too often inculcate, 
 they lift an inexperienced reader entirely above 
 the real, from whence she has too little inclina- 
 tion to come down ; and whenever she does 
 come down, she is unhappy, because she finds 
 none of the ideal perfections around her, with 
 which her imagination has becomiC filled, but is 
 forever coming into rude contact with something 
 that shocks her over-refined sensibilities. Her 
 own condition in life she will be in great danger 
 of contrasting with that of some favorite heroine 
 of romance. If she do this, she will be almost 
 sure to make herself miserable. A young lady 
 who indulges much in novel-reading never be- 
 comes a woman of true intelligence. She may 
 be able to converse fluently, and to make herself 
 at times a very agreeable companion, even to 
 those who are greatly her superiors : but she has 
 no strength of intellect, nor has she right views 
 of life. 
 
IMPROVEMENT OF THE MIND. 
 
 61 
 
 All works of fiction, however, are not bad. 
 Where the author's aim is to give right views 
 of life, and to teach true principles, if he possess 
 the requisite ability to execute his design well, 
 he may do great good. The reading of works 
 of this kind forms not only a healthy mental 
 recreation, but creates a true sympathy in the 
 mind for virtuous actions, and inspires to emula- 
 tion in good deeds. It is by means of this kind 
 of writing that the broadest contrasts between 
 right and wrong are made, and so presented to 
 the reader that he cannot but love the one while 
 he abhors the other. Who can read one of Miss 
 Sedgwick's admirable little books — "The Poor 
 Rich Man and the Rich Poor Man," " Live and 
 Let Live," or " Home," — without rising from 
 its perusal with healthier views of life, and a 
 more earnest desire in all things to do justly and 
 to love mercy. Of this class of books there are 
 a great many. The novels and tales of Miss 
 Edgeworth, Miss Bremer, Mrs. Howitt, and Mrs. 
 Opie, are good, and may be read with not only 
 pleasure, but profit, by every young lady. The 
 time spent in their perusal will not be lost. In- 
 deed, some portion of the time occupied in read- 
 ing just such books, is necessary to a well-bal- 
 anced mind. In reading history, we sympathize 
 only with masses of people, or admire some pow- 
 6 
 
62 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 erful leader ; books of philosophy lift the mind 
 up into an abstract region of thought; and 
 poetry warms, inspires, and delights the imagi- 
 nation, while it purifies and refines the taste. 
 All these are necessary to right intellectual cul- 
 ture; they form the very groundwork, solid 
 walls, and inward garniture of a well-educated 
 mind. But if reading be confined to these 
 alone, there is danger of becoming cold and 
 unsympathizing — of living in an intellectual 
 world, more than in a real world of people, with 
 like thoughts and like affections with ourselves. 
 It is here that well-wrought fiction comes in 
 with a humanizing tendency; giving to man a 
 love for his fellow-man, and inspiring him with 
 a wish to do good. In history, travels, and 
 biography, we see man on the outside, as it 
 were, and regard him at a distance, as a think- 
 ing and effective being; but in fiction, we per- 
 ceive that he is fashioned in all things as we are ; 
 that he has like hopes and fears, joys and sor- 
 rows, and like aspirations after the good and the 
 true, and we are gradually led to feel with and 
 for him as a brother, — we hold him by the 
 hand, we look in his face, we see the very pul- 
 sations of his heart. All this is good — all this 
 is necessary to the true formation of character. 
 But for a young lady to limit her reading to 
 
IMPROVEMENT OF THE MIND. 
 
 63 
 
 this order of books, or even to spend a large 
 part of the time allotted to reading to their 
 perusal, will hinder her advancement in mental 
 improvement. She will be very apt, also, to 
 sink into the mere waste of sympathy toward 
 ideal personages, without seeing in them types 
 of real classes that are in the world, and all 
 around her. 
 
 All right improvement of the mind will depend 
 upon the leading motive which a young lady has 
 in view, when she reads, thinks, or observes, 
 with a careful eye, what passes around her. If 
 her end be to acquire the power of conversing 
 intelligently on various topics, and of exhibiting 
 an acquaintance with books, in order to appear 
 well in society, or to gain the reputation of being 
 an intellectual and well-read woman, her ad- 
 vancement will not be as real as she supposes. 
 All knowledge has its appropriate sphere of 
 action, and that is in the doing of something 
 useful ; and until it comes into this its true 
 sphere, it never rises into intelligence. If 
 therefore, a woman reads and thinks merely 
 with an end to be thought wise, she never be- 
 comes more than a mere pedant, who betrays, 
 on all occasions, the shallowness of her preten 
 sions ; but if she use the truth she acquires in 
 seeking to advance the cause of truth for the 
 
64 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 sake of the power it gives to do good, then is she 
 in the way of becoming intelligent and wise. 
 
 A w oman of true intelligence is a blessing at 
 Jiome, liT^lier cTrcle"^of^frieliH^s^ aiKTjn societyT 
 Wherever she goes, she carries with her a health- 
 giving influence. There is a beautiful harmony 
 about her character that at once inspires a re- 
 spect which soon warms into love. The in- 
 fluence of such a woman upon society is of the 
 most salutary kind. She strengthens right prin- 
 ciples in the virtuous, incites the selfish and in- 
 different to good actions, and gives to even the 
 light and frivolous a taste for food more substan- 
 tial than the frothy gossip with which they seek 
 to recreate their minds. 
 
 To give particular rules for self-improvement, 
 and to specify the books to be read, and the 
 order of reading them, is a thing not easily done. 
 Indeed, what would be a right order for one to 
 pursue, would not suit another; and therefore 
 we shall not attempt to lay down any rules on 
 this subject. Extensive reading is all very good ; 
 but right thinking on what we read, even if the 
 amount be small, is far better. The only sound 
 advice we are prepared to give is, for a young 
 lady to suffer herself to be attracted towards the 
 class of intelligent persons which she will always 
 find in society, and to which we have alluded in 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 65 
 
 this chapter. If she permit herself to become 
 interested in the subjects that interest them, and 
 be guided by what they mainly approve, she will 
 find no difficulty in the choice of books. And 
 if she seek improvement more from a love of 
 truth than to be thought intelligent, she will 
 soon be able to see truth so clearly in the light 
 of her own understanding, as to be at no loss in 
 making right discriminations on nearly all sub- 
 jects that are presented to her mind. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 The lines of distinction, on account of con- 
 dition, are more clearly drawn in reference to 
 women than men, and they are also much more 
 difficult to pass. A poor young girl, without the 
 advantages of education, finds it very difficult to 
 rise above her original condition, while lads in 
 the same circumstances, if they possess quick- 
 ness and intelligence, are almost sure, when they 
 become men, to take a higher place in society, 
 than they seemed at first destined to occupy. 
 
66 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 Not one cause alone, but many causes combined, 
 go to produce this result. There is much of 
 actual disability to rise far above her condition, 
 which tends to keep a young girl down, resulting 
 from want of education, refined and intelligent 
 companionship, and the almost invariable neces- 
 sity for constant and wearying labor with her 
 hands. These all unite to hinder mental im- 
 provement, a cultivation of the taste, refinement 
 of manner, and the attainment of those accom- 
 plishments so indispensable to a woman, and 
 without which a poor girl cannot rise above her 
 first estate in life. But all these combined need 
 not hinder her elevation if she will but look up, 
 and strive after the attainment of real virtue, in- 
 telligence, and grace of mind and body. It is 
 not so much the condition into which a young 
 woman is born, that excludes her from familiar 
 intercourse with the intelligent and refined of 
 her own and the other sex, as it is her lack of 
 that intelligence and refinement which is in 
 itself the social bond of union among them. 
 Pride in those above her is not so strong to 
 keep her down, as disabilities and unfitnesses in 
 
 j herself These, at first, are her misfortunes ; 
 
 I but, afterwards, they may become her faults. 
 
 j The mere introduction of one, born and edu- 
 
 i cr.ted in a low condition in life, into the society 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 67 
 
 of those who are born into, or have been elevated 
 into, a higher, more intelligent, and refined con- 
 dition, would be rather an injury than a benefit, 
 if she were not at the same time gifted with some 
 portion of a corresponding intelligence and re- 
 finement. She could neither give nor receive 
 any thing — could add nothing to the general 
 good and general enjoyment, nor receive any 
 genuine good or true enjoyment in return. The 
 wish to be thus introduced, without the requisite 
 qualifications for such an introduction, has its 
 origin in pride, as much as the wish to keep out 
 from the benefits of refined society those who are 
 in an humble condition, hecmise they are poor 
 and humble, has its origin in pride. Among 
 the poor, uneducated, and humble, there exists 
 the same natural ability to be refined and intelli- 
 gent, as among those born to a better condition : 
 the difference lies in the difference of means 
 available to each, arising from the peculiarity 
 of external circumstances. 
 
 While it is possible fcr a poor, uneducated 
 girl to become a highly-accomplished and intel- 
 ligent woman, yet, from the very nature of the 
 disabilities surrounding her, this is a very diffi- 
 cult matter, and a thing but rarely attained. 
 The chief end we have in view in particularly 
 introducing this subject now, is to show that a 
 
 ii 
 
bo ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 certain degree of intelligence and refinement, 
 while it adds to the happiness and means of 
 doing good, is attainable by all, no matter how 
 low their original condition, and should be 
 striven after by all. The influence of an igno- 
 rant, vulgar-minded woman is necessarily bad, I 
 whether it be felt by her companions, relatives, | 
 husband, or children. As a maiden, she in- | 
 spires no virtuous resolves in those with whom j 
 she associates; as a wife, she does not elevate I 
 the mind of her husband, and make him love \ 
 what is really excellent, because in her person- i 
 ified; as a mother, she does not implant in the j 
 minds of her children that love of truth by ! 
 v/hich, in after life, they may be raised from the 
 baseness and disorder of their natural condition. 
 From this simple fact, it is at once seen, that 
 upon the elevation of woman depends the eleva- 
 tion of the lower classes of society. Every one 
 should bear this in mind, and especially woman 
 herself — woman in an humble' as well as in a 
 high condition. 
 
 A young girl who is poor, and unblessed 
 by the advantages of a good education, will 
 find little to awaken a desire for improvement, 
 refinement, and self-elevation. Nearly all that 
 surrounds her tends to hold her just where she 
 is. Obeying the social law of her being, she 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 69 
 
 seeks companions ; and these are young persons 
 of her own age, and in a like condition. Too 
 rarely does she find among them a desire for 
 self-improvement, and too often a love of what 
 is low and vulgar. The time she passes with 
 them is frequently spent in the most senseless 
 frivolities, or in conversation about dress and 
 beaux, and such matters as tend to give false 
 views of life, and excite the lowest passions. 
 Of the excellence of virtue, the love of being 
 useful to others, the beauty of a modest deport- 
 ment, she hears little, if any thing at all, in this 
 thoughtless circle. There is little to elevate 
 her, little to awaken in her mind an earnest 
 aspiration after the truly good and beautiful; 
 but every thing to hold her where she is, or to 
 drag her down lower. 
 
 Every one thus situated, however, who really 
 desires to elevate herself above the low position 
 in which she finds herself placed, will always meet 
 with some one or more among her associates of 
 a better class than the rest. If she make these, 
 rather than the others, her companions, she will 
 find much to aid, encourage, and strengthen 
 her. Once in the upward movement, and self- 
 elevation will be, comparatively, an easy thing. 
 To sketch briefly the history of one thus sit- 
 uated, and to show how she elevated herself, will 
 
70 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 make a stronger impression upon the mind than 
 any mere declaration of the means by which 
 such an elevation is to be gained. This we shall 
 attempt to do. 
 
 Ann Liston was the daughter of a poor me- 
 chanic, who had a large family and a small 
 income. The father was industrious, and so was 
 his wife ; but the income was so small, and the 
 wants so many, that, with all their industry and 
 efforts to save, they could get nothing ahead. 
 As soon as Ann was old enough to do any thing 
 useful, she was under the necessity of assisting 
 her mother. She was not over nine years of 
 age when first obliged to work about the house, 
 or to nurse the baby. But she was handy and 
 willing, and this made her very useful to her 
 mother, notwithstanding she was so young. 
 The condition of Ann necessarily excluded her 
 from the advantages of a good education. She 
 went to school only a few quarters, and merely 
 learned to read and to write a little, besides 
 gaining some small acquaintance with figures. 
 There was nothing at home to excite a taste for 
 reading, and few books within her reach to 
 gratify that taste, had it been excited. The 
 whole family library consisted of the Bible, 
 Prayer Book, Pilgrim's Progress, and one or 
 two old books of history and travel. The father 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 71 
 
 was not a reading man, nor was the mother at 
 all inclined to books. But both were members 
 of the church, and on Sunday read their Bible, 
 and regularly attended worship with their chil- 
 dren, teaching them to fear God and rev 
 erence sacred things. 
 
 At the acre of fourteen, Ann went from home 
 to learn the trade of dress-making. Up to this 
 period, her home duties had been so constant 
 and engrossing as to allow her but little time to 
 mingle with young girls of her own age and 
 condition. Her habits, feelings, and tastes were 
 not, as may be supposed, at all refined, nor was 
 there more than a rough polish to her manners. 
 Five years of pretty constant and pretty hard 
 labor about the house had taken from her limbs 
 and movements the natural grace of childhood, 
 and left her somewhat ungainly and awkward. 
 To counterbalance these defects of habit and 
 education, Ann had an honest mind, and pos- 
 sessed a natural independence of thought and 
 action, with some shrewdness, and a good deal 
 of common sense. Thus furnished, she left her 
 father's house, and went forth to gain an inde- 
 pendent livelihood in the world. Her first ex- 
 periences were rather painful. She found her- 
 self in the midst of some ten or fifteen young 
 girls, from her own age up to twenty, all en- 
 
■ 72 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES 
 
 I g^ged, like herself, in acquiring a knowledge of 
 
 ; the business she had come to learn. Some of 
 
 ' these, who had been blessed with advantages 
 greater than hers, or who had seen more of the 
 
 i world, were not backward in ridiculing the un- 
 
 I polished girl for her defects of speech, dress, and 
 
 i manner. Ann was sensitive, and these things 
 
 1 hurt her ; but the result was good, for it caused 
 
 I her to think of the defects pointed out so rudely, 
 
 i and to make an effort to correct them. It like- 
 wise caused her to be retiring and observant — 
 
 ; to think of her words, her manners, and her 
 conduct. Many months did not pass, before 
 
 I there was a change in her external appearance, 
 
 ! and in her manners, that was very apparent — a 
 
 ! change that had been so gradual as not to attract 
 
 i sudden attention. She had also learned to think, 
 
 ! and to contrast the good principles she had been 
 
 ■ taught at home with what she saw and heard. 
 I Early impressed with a regard for the truth, to 
 t her great surprise she too often found it violated 
 I by those around her ; and she was no less sur- 
 I prised to find in many of the young girls in the 
 I work-room a total disregard to the interests of 
 
 the person with whom they were learning their 
 
 I trade. 
 
 ' Among her fellow-apprentices was one named 
 
 1 Florence, to whom Ann early attached herself. 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 73 
 
 She was the daughter of a widow, suddenly re- 
 duced from comfortable to needy circumstances, 
 and was acquiring a knowledge of dress-making 
 as a means of adding to their small and insuf- 
 ficient income. This girl had received an ex- 
 cellent education, and had moved in very good 
 society. She was intelligent, polished in her 
 manners, and possessed a finely-cultivated taste. 
 The loss of friends, and a change in external 
 circumstances, had subdued her whole character, 
 and made her thoughtful. There was something 
 about Ann, rude as she at first was, that caused 
 her to respect the poor girl. Instead of ridicul- 
 ing her for her deficiencies, she gently sought 
 to correct them. This evidence of good-will 
 touched the feelings of Ann, who hearkened to 
 all her suggestions, and sought to correct every 
 little defect of manner, or roughness of speech, 
 that was kindly pointed out to her. The ease, 
 grace, and v/omanly dignity of Florence were 
 beautiful in the eyes of the humble-minded girl. 
 She saw in them something really true and ex- 
 cellent, when contrasted with the rudeness and 
 bold vulgarity of others in the work-room. Her 
 whole character was a model of excellence in 
 her eyes — a standard of emulation. We first 
 begin to rise towards excellence of any kind, 
 when we first begin to admire and love it, 
 7 
 
74 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 So it was with Ann Liston. She no sooner 
 began to admire and love the whole character i 
 
 I of Florence, than she began to form her own j 
 
 ! character, as far as she could do so, after a like 
 
 I model. In her leisure moments, she read such 
 
 books as were placed in her hands by Flor- 
 I ence. These were not the popular and exciting | 
 
 ; novels of the day, that were read l^ too many | 
 
 i of her young companions ; but books that made | 
 
 her think truly of life, and her own duties and I 
 
 ! ... I 
 
 I responsibilities. i 
 
 j By the time Ann had finished learning her 
 
 ! trade, she was very much changed for the better. 
 
 j The whole expression of her face was altered. 
 
 Her step was more graceful, her speech more | 
 
 ! polished, and her mind more enlightened. Con- | 
 
 trasted with several of those who had ridiculed j 
 
 her for her deficiencies, when she first left her ! 
 
 home, the difference was quite as strong as i 
 
 • before; but now it was in her favor. The 
 
 i achievement of this much was not without pass- j 
 
 j ing through many temptations from some of the j 
 
 vulgar, low-minded girls around her. Several ! 
 
 of these had their beaux, whom they used fre- 
 quently to meet and walk with in the evening; ! 
 and they often persuaded Ann to join them. | 
 Once or twice she did do so ; but the young men 
 she met were even more vulgar minded than her 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 75 
 
 companions, who were, as it seemed to her, 
 most iinblushingly familiar with the young men. 
 Shocked and disgusted with all this, she ven- 
 tured no more into such company, contenting 
 herself with reading alone, when not at work, or 
 in congenial intercourse with Florence, and one 
 or two others more like her than the rest. 
 
 After having learned her trade, the next busi- 
 ness of Ann was to go out and sew for her living. 
 Modest in her deportment quiet, and what might 
 now be called lady-like in her manners, indus- 
 trious and capable, Ann soon had as much, and 
 more than she could do in families of good 
 standing, in all of which she was respected and 
 treated as she deserved. She continued in this 
 capacity for about three years, during which 
 time both mind and person steadily improved, 
 until she became a really interesting and quite 
 intelligent young woman. But, withal, she was 
 exceedingly modest and retiring. A very fine 
 young man, a clerk in the store of the husband 
 of one of the ladies for whom she worked, had 
 noticed Ann for more than a year. Her appear- 
 ance, manner, and conversation, whenever he 
 did hear her speak, which was seldom, pleased 
 him very much. At last, encouraged by the 
 lady just alluded to, who spoke in the highest 
 praise of Ann, he formally addressed her, and 
 
76 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 was, after a time, fortunate enough to gain her 
 consent to be married. She made him a frugal, 
 industrious wife, and an excellent companion. 
 About five years afterwards, he went into busi- 
 ness on a small capital, which they had saved 
 from his salary, and was quite successful. He 
 did not become, it is true, a very rich man, nor 
 his wife a great lady ; but they were in good cir- 
 cumstances, and able to give their children every 
 advantage of education, and the means of useful- 
 ness and advancement in the world. 
 
 Out of ten young girls in the work-room where 
 Ann learned her trade, all with no better advan- 
 tages than she had possessed, seven married men 
 of low minds and vulgar habits, and never rose 
 above their original condition. Two were more 
 like Ann, and they were sought by young men 
 of a better class. One of them did not marry 
 at all. 
 
 No matter how many and great may be the 
 disadvantages under which a young girl may 
 labor, — she may yet rise, if she will, very much 
 above the points, in external condition, from 
 which she started in life. And in proportion 
 as she thus rises will she find a higher degree 
 of happiness, and be able to do far more good 
 than otherwise would be possible to her. 
 
 Every thing that tends to elevate the lower 
 
EXTERNAL CONDITION. 
 
 77 
 
 classes of the community above what is rude, 
 ignorant, and vulgar, adds to their happiness, 
 because it makes them better and wiser ; but 
 this rudeness, ignorance, and vulgarity will pre- 
 vail just so long as woman is kept down by the 
 pressure of circumstances ; for, in her influence 
 upon the other sex, but mainly upon her chil- 
 dren, lies the all-potent principle of social refor- 
 mation. Let every young woman, if her lot be 
 humble, and her advantages few, remember that 
 she has a duty to perform to society as well as 
 herself, and wisely seek to fulfil the obligations 
 that rest upon her. At the same time, every 
 young woman, who is blessed with the superior 
 advantages of education and refinement, should 
 as earnestly seek to lift up those below her, 
 and inspire them with a love of what is useful, 
 refined, and truly good. 
 
 Those whose external condition is very dif- 
 ferent from what we have been describing, who 
 are blessed with all the comforts, luxuries, and 
 advantages attainable by wealth, are in some 
 danger of entertaining false notions in regard to 
 themselves, and of valuing themselves more on 
 account of their condition in life, than for the 
 virtues they possess. This is of course a false 
 valuation ; and whoever makes it commits an 
 error that will lead to unhappiness sooner or 
 
78 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 later. Wealth affords great advantages, but it 
 makes no one any the better. Gold never pur- 
 chases virtue nor excellence of character ; it is 
 possessed alike by the good and the bad ; and 
 whoever values himself, as a man, on account of 
 his wealth, shows himself to be a very weak man. 
 A young girl, who has all the advantages that 
 wealth affords, will be very apt to feel that she 
 is superior to those in a lower condition, simply 
 because she is surrounded with more of the ele- 
 gances of life than they are, and moves in what 
 is called a higher circle. But this feeling she 
 should strive against as ignoble ; for what have 
 the elegances of life with which others have 
 surrounded her, and the circle of friends into 
 which a happy concurrence of circum.stances 
 has introduced her, to do with her real worth ? 
 Nothing whatever ! One far below her in 
 the reception and enjoyment of these blessings, 
 may really be far above, her in all that goes to 
 make up the true woman. Let her, then, make 
 virtue the standard of excellence, and let her 
 seek to do some good with the ability and supe- 
 rior advantages that God has given her, instead 
 of sitting idly down in the vain imagination of 
 her own superiority. 
 
GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 79 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 GOSSIPIN(?«AND EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 These are faults into which the young and 
 thoughtless are very apt to be betrayed, and to 
 indulge in to a most unjustifiable and sometimes 
 pernicious extent, whereby the most trivia] fail- 
 ing of a companion is magnified into a very 
 serious offence against propriety, or an un- 
 guarded word made to do an injury never in- 
 tended by the one who uttered it. 
 
 A young lady should be very guarded, indeed, 
 about speaking evil of any one, and equally so 
 how she repeats the disparaging remarks of 
 another. Much of this evil speaking arises 
 from thoughtless misjudgments of those who 
 happen not to be very much liked. Whatever 
 tliey do or say is seen through a false medium, 
 that gives to it an unnatural distortion, or an 
 improper coloring. Of the injustice of this 
 nothing need be said, for all can see and ac- 
 knowledge it. The difficulty is, to make each 
 cne, who indulges this evil practice, conscious 
 that she is really guilty of doing so, and there- 
 fore a wroniT-docr to others. 
 
80 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 A disposition to see the faults and defects of 
 others, instead of what is good in them, is one 
 of our most common failings ; and what we see, 
 or think we see, is what we are most apt to 
 speak of This is the reason why we generally 
 hear more evil than good spoken of as appertain- 
 ing to other people. 
 
 The very common habit of making the sayings 
 and doings of our acquaintances the principal 
 subjects of conversation is by no means a good 
 one, and should be avoided as much as possible, 
 for the reason that such conversation is rarely 
 profitable, and very apt to betray us into allu- 
 sions to their defects, as much more prominent 
 than their excellences. And as it does us no 
 good to think of the faults of our friends, nor 
 them any good for us to speak about them, the 
 least said on such matters the better. It is not 
 possible, however, always to avoid allusions to 
 what has been said and done by our friends, or 
 to the appearance made by them on certain oc- 
 casions. Two young ladies, for instance, will 
 meet on the day after a fashionable party, and 
 one of them will allude to the dress, appearance, 
 or manners of some one or more, who either ex- 
 hibited a sad want of tas^^e, or whose conduct 
 attracted attention for its freedom and want of 
 delicacy. Such things always occur, and always 
 
GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 81 
 
 cause disparaging remarks. The other young 
 lady, even though she d6 not ordinarily take 
 pleasure in noticing the faults of her acquaint- 
 ances, cannot help assenting to what is said, 
 and the temptation to express herself freely on 
 the subject vi^ill be very strong. She should 
 guard herself, however, and avoid magnifying 
 what did really occur, and should seek to 
 change the subject as quickly as possible. 
 Something like the following mode of reply, in 
 such cases, should be adopted : — 
 
 " Did you ever see such horrid taste as Miss 
 
 P displayed?" remarks one young friend 
 
 to another. '' She looked like a stage-dancer." 
 '* She certainly was very much over-dressed." 
 " Over-dressed ! Goodness ! She was dressed 
 to death. Every body remarked it. How silly 
 it is for a girl like her to render herself so con- 
 spicuous ! " 
 
 " You noticed Miss L , did you not? " 
 
 " O, yes! Wasn't she dressed sweetly? I 
 think I never saw her look so beautiful in my 
 life." 
 
 " Miss L is a girl of good taste." 
 
 " And, you may add, good temper and good 
 
 sense. Did you notice how Sarah J flirted 
 
 with young S ? She is a terrible coquette. 
 
 I had my eye on her all the evening. Although 
 
 l^\<^63 
 
82 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 she doesn't care the snap of a finger for S , 
 
 she makes him believe that his company is most 
 agreeable to her." 
 
 " She is very wrong to do so. Truth and hon- 
 esty should ever distinguish a young lady's con- 
 duct. Such a charge, I am sure, cannot be made 
 against Ellen G ." 
 
 ** No, you may well say that. She is the very 
 soul of truth and honor. If all were like her, 
 society would present far more beautiful and 
 attractive features than it now does. There was 
 another at the party who resembled her — 
 Flora F ." 
 
 "Truly said. I love Flora as tenderly as I 
 do my own sister. How exquisitely do good 
 taste, good feelings, and good principles blend 
 in her character ! You never hear her speak of 
 another unless in praise, or palliation of faults 
 magnified by the less charitable. I always feel 
 that I am better after spending an hour with 
 Flora." 
 
 " And so do I. I often wish that I was like 
 her." 
 
 *' All of us may become like her, if we en- 
 deavor to act from the same good principles that 
 govern in her whole life and conduct." 
 
 " I don't know. Were I to try ever so hard, 
 I do not think I could become like Flora F . 
 
GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 83 
 
 I feel that there is as much difference between 
 her character and mine, as between mine and 
 Sarah J 's." 
 
 *' Should not such thoughts and such a con- 
 sciousness make us very careful how we judge 
 too severely the defects of others ? Some persons 
 are naturally deficient in true taste, and others 
 have had their taste perverted by a bad educa- 
 tion ; some are naturally of an amiable temper, 
 while others have much that is perverse to con- 
 tend with. In all there is some good ; let us 
 magnify that rather than the evil we see." 
 
 '*I believe you are right," was the reply to 
 this. " We are all too apt to see that in our 
 friends which calls for censure rather than 
 praise." 
 
 How much better is it thus to lead away the 
 thoughts of a young friend, disposed to be crit- 
 ical and fault-finding, to the contemplation of 
 excellences in others ! 
 
 A great deal of unhappiness is created, and a 
 great deal of harm done, by indulgence in the 
 bad habit we are now condemning. Numerous 
 instances might be given in illustration of this. 
 We shall introduce but one, and this with the 
 hope of making the fault appear in its truly 
 odious light. 
 
 Ellen B was much given to the use of 
 
84 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 disparaging remarks in reference to her com- 
 panions. Like most others who indulged in 
 this reprehensible practice, she did not always 
 confine herself strictly to the truth. Not that 
 she designedly, and with evil intent, uttered 
 falsehoods. She only embellished a little too 
 highly, without seeing that, in doing this, she 
 was magnifying foibles into faults, and pervert- 
 inor lanoruage from the true meaninof it was in- 
 tended to convey. 
 
 " Your friend, Emily R , seems to be a 
 
 very fine girl," said a lady to her one day, after 
 having spent her first half hour with the person 
 referred to. 
 
 "Yes," replied Ellen; "she is certainly a 
 fine girl, but, like all the rest of us, she has her 
 faults." 
 
 " Not very serious ones, I hope," said the 
 lady. 
 
 " Why, that will depend pretty much upon how 
 you view them. She has one fault that I call a 
 pretty serious one." 
 
 "What is that?" 
 
 " A disposition to tattle." 
 
 " Indeed ! That is bad." 
 
 "Not so bad as some other faults, but still bad 
 enough. Whenever I am with her, I consider 
 it necessary to be guarded in what I say ; for, in 
 
GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 85 
 
 consequence of her having once repeated some 
 remark of mine, she involved me in a very un- 
 pleasant difficulty with a friend, and created a 
 difference that has not been reconciled to this 
 day/' 
 
 " With such a person I am sure 1 should want 
 as little to do as possible," replied the lady. " I 
 am sorry to hear what you say, for I had formed 
 a very good opinion of Emily, and felt like add- 
 ing her to the number of my friends. But there 
 is no telling what people are. As for her, the 
 last fault I should have supposed her to be guilty 
 of is the one you mention." 
 
 " I did not mean to convey quite so strong an 
 
 impression to your mind," said Ellen B , 
 
 perceiving that she had really injured Emily. 
 " I would not have you understand that Emily 
 is a common tattler and busybody in other 
 people's matters, for she is not. I only meant 
 to put you on your guard, in case you became 
 well acquainted with her. Myself a sufferer 
 from having a thoughtless remark repeated by 
 her, it seemed to me only right that I should 
 warn a friend in time." 
 
 *' Perfectly right, Ellen, and I thank you for 
 
 what you have done. As to Emily R , I 
 
 believe I shall not follow up the acquaintance. 
 I have a large circle of intimate friends, with 
 8 
 
86 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 whom I can be unreserved, without fear of hav- 
 ing my confidence betrayed, or my unguarded 
 words repeated to my own and the injury of 
 others." 
 
 In this decision the lady was firm. When she 
 again met Emily, she was coldly polite to her, 
 and that was all. The young girl, who had been 
 pleased with her character, and strongly drawn 
 towards her, felt this change severely. It was an 
 unexpected repulse from one whose principles 
 she had approved, and whose character had been 
 presented to her as one of no common loveliness. 
 That there was some cause for this chancre she 
 
 o 
 
 knew ; but of its nature she had not even a 
 remote idea. 
 
 Months passed, during which period Emily 
 was thrown several times into the company of 
 this lady, who always maintained towards her a 
 coldness and reserve entirely at variance with 
 the cordiality of manner exhibited on the occa- 
 sion of their introduction to each other. This 
 unaccountable difference caused Emily much 
 pain of mind. 
 
 It was, perhaps, a year subsequent to the time 
 this lady had received her impression of Emily's 
 character, and after her marked coldness towards 
 the latter had caused her to omit the usual word 
 
GOSSIPING A^D EVIL SPEAKING. 87 
 
 or nod of recognition on meeting, that a friend 
 made some casual remarks about Emily. 
 
 " I know very little about her," the lady re- 
 plied, indifferently, " and that little has not pre- 
 possessed me much in her favor." 
 
 ** That's strange," returned the friend ; " for a 
 person with fewer faults, and more sterling qual- 
 ities of mind and heart, than Emily R , is 
 
 rarely met." 
 
 *' She has one fault that overshadows many 
 good qualities," said the lady, coldly. 
 
 /' What is that? " was asked. 
 
 " The fault of being a tattler." 
 
 " If she is freer from any one fault more than 
 from another, it is that you name." 
 
 " Perhaps you don't know her," said the lady. 
 
 ** Don't know Emily R ! If that was 
 
 the case, I should almost begin to think I didn't 
 know myself We have been like sisters for 
 years." 
 
 " Then you ought to know her." 
 
 *'I think so; and I know that she is not a 
 tattler; and I must again express my wonder 
 that you should have formed such an erroneous 
 opinion in regard to her. From whom did you 
 obtain it 1 " 
 
 " From a very good source, I believe. Ellen 
 B r- warned me to be on my guard, and stated 
 
88 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 that she was herself a sufferer on account of 
 Emily's tattling propensities." 
 
 "She did?" 
 
 *' Yes. My first impression of Emily's char- 
 acter was good ; but when I learned this, I 
 thought it as well to have nothing to do with her, 
 for I think a tattler a very despicable person." 
 
 " I believe I understand it all, now," said the 
 friend, after musing a while. " Ellen is herself 
 a little given to the very thing she charges upon 
 an innocent person. On one occasion, she re- 
 peated something she had heard alleged against 
 a young girl, and considerably embellished her 
 narrative. Emily was present. The impression 
 made was very unfavorable to the individual 
 alluded to. Of all who heard these unfavorable 
 remarks, made to the great disparagement of an 
 absent companion, Emily was the only one who 
 was honest enough to go to her and apprize her 
 of what had been said to her real injury, in order 
 that, if innocent, she might vindicate her char- 
 acter. The allegations were at once pronounced 
 false, and the author of them demanded. Ellen 
 
 B was named by Emily, who volunteered to 
 
 go to her in company with the aggrieved person, 
 in order to ascertain from her the source of the 
 injurious charge. Ellen was very angry with 
 Emily for what she had done, and refused at first 
 
GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 89 
 
 to give any authority for what she had said. But 
 Emily mildly argued with her on the folly of 
 this, and, in extenuation of what she had done, 
 assured her, that, if she herself had been the sub- 
 ject of the remarks in question, she would have 
 felt it to be equally her duty to apprize her of 
 the injury she was suffering. But Ellen could 
 not see the matter in any better light than as a 
 betrayal of confidence on the part of Emily. 
 The result was, that, on tracing the charge made 
 to the person given as her authority by Ellen, 
 more than half of the averments of Ellen were 
 denied, and a very different version of the whole 
 story given, by which it was clear that she had 
 added nearly a;i of the offensive matter ; not as 
 sheer fabrications, but as inferences from what 
 had been said. It seems she has not forgiven 
 Emily for honestly putting it into the power of 
 an innocent person to vindicate herself from in- 
 jurious charges, but has as grossly misrepre- 
 sented and injured her, as she did the person 
 whom Emily warned of the evil things said 
 against her. You can now judge how far Emily 
 
 R is to be condemned as a tattler on the 
 
 testimony of Ellen B ." 
 
 " Clearly enough," replied the lady, with some 
 warmth of manner. " I must at once renew rny 
 acquaintance with Emily. As for the other, on 
 
 8* 
 
90 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 some suitable occasion I shall refer to the sub- 
 ject, and endeavor to make her see that she has 
 been guilty of a very serious fault. I feel strongly 
 tempted to drop her altogether; but as I com- 
 mitted an error in doing this with Emily R , 
 
 I will seek rather to correct her faults and 
 strengthen her good qualities than to decline all 
 friendly intercourse." 
 
 This is the way in which false impressions 
 about almost every one are propagated. The 
 slightest fault, or peculiarity, is magnified into 
 something serious, and the censorious whisper 
 goes round, while the subject of it remains in 
 entire ignorance of the detriment she suffers. 
 Let every young lady set her face against this as 
 a serious evil. Let her place a bridle upon her 
 tongue, and upon her thoughts, lest she be be- 
 trayed, in an unguarded moment, into saying 
 something against her young friend that may 
 injure her in the estimation of others. The 
 surest way to avoid this fault is to look more 
 at the good in our friends than the evil. We 
 are all perverse enough, all have evil tenden- 
 cies enough, and are all frequently enough be- 
 trayed into acts and words that are wrong, to 
 prompt us to be charitable towards others ; and 
 such reflections, if no others, should make us 
 thoughtful and prudent in this matter. 
 
DRESS. 
 
 91 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 DRESS. 
 
 On this subject we do not feel competent to 
 give any particular directions. In matters of 
 female attire, a woman's taste is, as a general 
 thing, always superior to a man's. Still, we see 
 a great many badly-dressed women, where the 
 defect does not arise from any want of the means 
 to dress, but from bad taste. The fault of over- 
 dressing is the most common, and this is almost 
 always attended with an unharmonious arrange- 
 ment of colors. 
 
 All that pertains to the particular modes of 
 dress, and to the harmony of colors, has been so 
 fully set forth in the various books prepared for 
 and accessible to young ladies, that for us to 
 attempt any thing of the kind here would be 
 entirely useless, even if we had given sufficient 
 attention to the subject to be able clearly to set 
 the matter forth, which we confess that we have 
 not. We can tell when we see a lady dressed in 
 good taste, but we cannot tell a lady exactly how 
 she should dress to be in good taste. It is much 
 easier to detect a fault than to produce a har- 
 
92 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 monious arrangement. And it is much easier 
 for a man to see faults in a lady's dress than to 
 give directions for dressing faultlessly. 
 
 As we have just said, we do not feel compe- 
 tent to give particular directions here, and there- 
 fore shall not attempt to do so. We refer to 
 dress, in this place, merely for the purpose of 
 making one or two rather general remarks on the 
 subject. 
 
 x\s in almost every thing else in this world, 
 people are very apt to run into opposite extremes 
 in the matter of dress. While we have one class 
 of persons who seem to think of nothing else but 
 dress, and who load themselves with gay clothing 
 and ornaments until they appear ridiculous in 
 the eyes of sensible people, there is another class 
 that as unwisely reject all ornaments, and array 
 themselves in garments of the dullest hue. In 
 this, as in all other things, the happy medium is 
 the true one. In order to attain this happy 
 medium, some attention must be paid to the end 
 for which dress is regarded. If a love of admi- j | 
 
 ration, and a mere fondness for appearing in gay i j 
 
 attire, alone prompt a woman to give attention \ \ 
 
 to dress, she will be almost sure to overstep the i j 
 
 bounds of good sense and good taste. The hand i j 
 
 of either pride or vanity always shows itself in a j ! 
 
 woman's dress, in spite of every effort to hide it ■'■ 
 
DRESS. 
 
 93 
 
 To dress with neatness, taste, and propriety, 
 is the duty of every young lady ; and she should 
 give just as much thought and attention to the 
 subject as will enable her to do it, and no more. 
 Unless she do give to it both thought and atten- 
 tion, however, she will not be able to dress with 
 taste and propriety. Occasionally we meet with 
 instances where young ladies affect, or really 
 feel, indifference in regard to dress. Every 
 thing like ornament is eschewed as beneath the 
 dignity of an intelligent being. The higher 
 colors never appear in any of their garments, 
 and ribbons are used with a degree of caution 
 that is quite amusing. All this might be tol- 
 erated if good taste accompanied their simplicity 
 of attire ; but, unfortunately, a want of good 
 taste is, in most cases, the primary cause of the 
 indifference they manifest. But, as there exists 
 in woman a natural fondness for dress, the oppo- 
 site extreme to this is the one into which young 
 girls most frequently run, unless they are 
 guided and controlled, as is usually the case, by 
 the sounder and purer taste of a mother, an elder 
 sister, or some judicious friend. In order to 
 keep herself from running into this extreme, a 
 young lady should guard against the common 
 fault of dressing for the purpose of attracting 
 attention. If she have a fondness for gay colors, 
 
94 
 
 ADVICE TO Y0UNG LADIES. 
 
 let her use them, but not to excess ; on the con- 
 trary, if her taste lead her to select those more 
 subdued and less attractive, let her taste be her 
 guide. In regard to ornaments, they are proper 
 to be used, and, when worn by a person of good 
 taste in their selection and arrangement, add 
 very much to a woman's appearance. 
 
 An idea prevails very generally, among some 
 persons, that all attention to dress, or the follow- 
 ing of the fashions, as they usually term it, is a 
 useless waste of money and time, and an actual 
 injury to the moral state of the person who thus 
 pays a regard to dress. There is no doubt thai 
 following the fashions to an excess, and thinking 
 about little else than dress, is just as great an 
 evil as it is here alleged to be. But it is one 
 thing to do this, and another thing to have such 
 a regard for external order, beauty, and pro- 
 priety, as shall make our appearance pleasing to 
 our friends, and our presence welcome in circles 
 of taste and refinement. If we dress with a sin- 
 gularity because of a weak prejudice against the 
 prevailing fashions, or outrage all true taste by 
 incongruities of attire, our presence cannot be 
 pleasing to our friends, nor welcome in refined 
 and intelligent circles. 
 
 The true standard of dress for a young lady 
 is that which happens to prevail in the present ; 
 
95 
 
 but, in adopting it, she should carefully avoid its 
 extremes. If it trenches upon modesty, or en- 
 dangers her health, let her so far not follow it. 
 These extremes she can easily avoid, and yet not 
 appear singular. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 HEALTH. 
 
 The highest degree of happiness and useful- 
 ness attainable in this world is not to be had by 
 any one who does not possess a sound mind in a 
 sound body. Attention to health, therefore, is^ 
 one of the firstjdutTes^ we owe to ourselves and., 
 society, because without a heg^^^ 
 not have a sound mind, nor efficiently perform 
 our duties in life. ^ This is so plain a proposition 
 that all can at once comprehend it. 
 
 Young ladies are proverbial for being careless 
 in regard to health ; and this, strangely enough, 
 is particularly the case with those who have the 
 most delicate constitutions. The hundreds who 
 die annually of pulmonary aifections, owe, in 
 two cases out of every three, their early death to 
 
96 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 unwise and unnecessary exposure of themselves, 
 thinly clad, in cold and damp weather. The 
 warnings of physicians and friends seem alike 
 unavailing ; and their earnest representation of 
 the real danger that threatens them is treated as 
 a chimera, conjured up by over-anxiety, to frighten 
 them. Even the fearfully rapid encroachments 
 of a deadly disease do not, in too many instances, 
 give the requisite prudence ; and the unhappy 
 victim sinks speedily into the grave, with little 
 less than the crim.e of self-murder upon her 
 head. These things are sad to think about ; 
 and their frequency and familiarity make them 
 none the less painful subjects of reflection. But, 
 as the only hope of reformation here lies in con- 
 tinued precept, we deem it a solemn duty, when- 
 ever an opportunity offers, to add our voice to 
 the general voice of warning heard every where 
 on this subject. 
 
 The doing of any thing that requires self- 
 denial, or more than ordinary care, is dependent 
 upon an adequate motive. One would think that 
 there were motives strong enough to prompt every 
 young lady to be careful of her health ; and so 
 there are ; the difficulty is, that she cannot be 
 I made to feel that what she does, or omits to do, 
 j really injures her, because the ill effects do not 
 become immediately apparent. She is told that 
 
HEALTH. 
 
 97 
 
 irregularity in eating, late hours, exposure to 
 draughts of air, the atmosphere of crowded 
 rooms, thin dressing, tight lacing, and various 
 other things, injure her health. But she eats 
 four meals to-day, and two to-morrow; she 
 stands at the front door without additional cov- 
 ering to her neck, or any thing on her head, to 
 talk with a departing friend; and she attends 
 balls, the theatre, and concerts, two or three 
 times a week, wearing thin dresses and thin 
 shoes : all this she does for a time, without feel- 
 ing in herself any ill effects ; or, if she feels them, 
 she will not believe in the true cause. Such 
 being the case, it is almost impossible to make 
 her sensible that she is sowing in her system the 
 seeds of incurable diseases, the germination and 
 growth of which no after care will prevent, and 
 which will either bring her early to the grave, or 
 entail upon her a life of suffering, attended with 
 inability to discharge her duty to those most 
 dearly loved, and for whose happiness and wel- 
 fare she would be willing to make almost any 
 sacrifice. That such is really the fact, the sad 
 results of just such an abuse of health are to be 
 seen all around us — results that all intelligent 
 physicians, and all persons of observation and 
 common sense, know must flow from the causes 
 just set forth. Surely, then, an adequate motive 
 9 
 
98 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 for prudence and care in these things is to be 
 found in the fact, that, if no regard be paid to 
 them, the health will be undermined^ or de- 
 stroyed altogether. 
 
 In " The Young Lady's Friend," a most ex- 
 cellent book, written by Mrs. Farrar, there is a 
 chapter on tlie " Means of Preserving Health," 
 which we would particularly recommend to the 
 attention of every young girl. By a careful 
 perusal of that chapter, she will be able so fully 
 to comprehend the laws of health, and to see the 
 reason why an abuse of those laws necessarily 
 brings disease, as to require no further argument 
 from relatives and friends, to induce prudence 
 and carefulness on her part. 
 
 Where a hereditary predisposition to con- 
 sumption exists, as it always does, if that 
 disease have manifested itself in either parent, 
 the necessity for carefulness in regard to health 
 is of more vital importance than if such predis- 
 position did not exist. Abuse of health in others 
 may lay the foundation for diseases that only 
 entail suffering in after life ; but abuse of health 
 in these is almost sure to lead to premature 
 death. 
 
 By some it is supposed and asserted, that who- 
 ever is born of consumptive parents will be sure 
 to die of consumption ; and that a large propor- 
 
HEALTH. 
 
 99 
 
 tion are destined to die before the prime of life 
 is reached. That this is most generally the case 
 is certainly true ; but we do not believe that the 
 result follows as an absolute consequence of the 
 hereditary predisposition, but from an abuse of 
 health, by which latent causes are excited into 
 active causes. On this subject, it may be useful 
 to quote the remarks of a French medical writer 
 by way of authority. He says, " Besides the 
 occasional causes of chronic pneumonia, (con- 
 sumption,) which are all the agents that excite, 
 stimulate, or irritate the organs of respiration, 
 and consequently the same as those of acute 
 pneumonia, there are predisposing causes. Pre- 
 disposition consists in a peculiar irritability of 
 the lung, which renders it more sensible to the 
 impression of irritating agents, and, conse- 
 quently, more apt to contract irritation. There 
 is no age, no sex, no temperament, which may 
 not be aifected with pneumonia ; but experience 
 has demonstrated that the predisposition, the 
 peculiar irritability of which we speak, is most 
 frequently found among individuals who have 
 the constitution which has been named phthis- 
 ical, the characters of which are the following : 
 narrow chesty long and small ncclc^ slender limbs, 
 a tall, thin stature, delicate skin, circumscribed 
 redness of the cheek, the lymphatico-sanguine 
 
100 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 temperament. The scrofulous constitution like- 
 wise gives a predisposition to tubercles, and con- 
 sequently to chronic pneumonia. As the organic 
 structure transmits an hereditary character, it 
 results that in the same family we may often 
 encounter the same irritation, derived from this 
 cause; or, what is the same thing, we meet with 
 a predisposition to the same maladies. It does 
 not, however, follow that these individuals are 
 irrevocably condemned to contract the diseases of 
 their parents ; hut, to secure an exemption from 
 them, they must avoid the influence of the occa- 
 sional causes more carefully than individuals 
 not predisposed." * * * << Those who have 
 great pulmonary irritability should make up 
 their minds to practise self-denial in a great 
 many things. They should avoid the vicissi- 
 tudes of heat and cold, singing, hallooing, dec- 
 lamation, stimulating food and drink, &c." 
 
 From this it is seen, that while a person who 
 inherits a predisposition to lung diseases is in 
 great danger, yet exemption from their effects 
 may be secured ; but only by great prudence, 
 and a cautious regard to health. In some con- 
 stitutions, where there exists a great suscepti- 
 bility to inflammation of the throat and lungs, 
 exists also a predisposition to the formation in 
 the lungs of what are called tubercles, or little 
 
101 
 
 foreign bodies that irritate the surrounding parts, 
 and produce ulcerations. When these tubercles 
 are once formed, the disease assumes, in most 
 cases, an incurable type. The necessity to life 
 of the unceasing activity of the lungs, every por- 
 tion of which is made up of little vessels for the 
 reception and purification of the blood, makes it 
 almost impossible for any healing process to go 
 on after ulceration has once commenced. We 
 mention this form of the disease here, in order 
 that the necessity for avoiding all the exciting 
 causes may be fully seen. The formation of 
 these tubercles, and the production of other in- 
 curable changes in the lungs, may be prevented 
 by wisely abstaining from every thing that would 
 in any way interfere with the healthy functions 
 of the body ; or, rather, by giving to the subject 
 of health the most careful attention, and by 
 wisely following the advice of those whose age, 
 experience, and position, entitle their opimons 
 to respect and consideration. The mere avoid- 
 ance of draughts of air and crowded rooms, thin 
 dressing and damp feet, are not all that is ne- 
 cessary to guard the individual, who has a predis- 
 position to consumption, against its fearful at- 
 tacks. The health of each part of the body is 
 dependent upon the health of the whole body, as 
 much as the health of the whole is dependent 
 9 * 
 
102 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 upon the health of each part. Any thing that 
 deranges the general health will be felt most 
 quickly in the part that is weakest; and therefore 
 any thing that deranges the general health of a 
 person who has a predisposition to consumption, 
 will affect the lungs. The strictest regard to 
 health should therefore be paid, in every par- 
 ticular, by those who are at all liable to pul- 
 monary affections, if they would escape the 
 danger that threatens them. They should take 
 plenty of exercise, and use daily cold ablutions 
 of the whole body, followed by active friction, to 
 restore fully the circulation to the skin. By 
 exercise they will invigorate the whole system, 
 and by the free use of water they will keep the 
 skin healthy, and take away the liability to cold, 
 on any sudden exposure. Strict regard should 
 also be had to the food that is eaten, and to the 
 manner of eating it. The diet should be nutri- 
 tious, but not stimulating, and the quantity of 
 food taken ought never to be so great as to 
 oppress the system. Such articles of food as 
 do not digest well — and what they are every one 
 can easily decide from experience — should be 
 avoided, because indigestion weakens the powers 
 of the stomach, and by sympathy those of the 
 whole body ; and worse, as it is the business of the 
 stomach to prepare the food for use in the body, 
 
HEALTH. 
 
 103 
 
 in supplying the waste that is always going on, 
 if it be in an unhealthy state from any cause, its 
 work cannot be properly done, and the conse- 
 quence must be, that every part of the body will 
 suffer. A good digestion, however, does not 
 always depend upon the quality of the food 
 taken; the best food in the world will be ren- 
 dered indigestible if it be not sufficiently masti- 
 cated, or is eaten too fast. Great care should 
 also be taken to keep the chest well protected, 
 and on no account to sit in draughts of air, nor to 
 venture out of doors in cold weather without put- 
 ting on additional clothing, and covering the 
 head. Often we see young ladies running in to 
 a neighbor's three or four doors off, in midwin- 
 ter, without even the addition of a light shawl 
 over the head or shoulders. It is no wonder 
 that colds are the result of such indiscretion, 
 often leading to serious inflammation of the air- 
 tubes, or lungs. 
 
 If, in spite of all her best precautions, a young 
 lady, who has every reason to believe that she 
 inherits a tendency to disease of the lungs, takes 
 cold, and is attacked with hoarseness and a 
 slight cough, she should feel sufficient concern 
 to prompt her to take the greatest possible care 
 of herself The advice of the family physician 
 ought immediately to be obtained, and she 
 
104 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES, 
 
 should, in the strictest manner, abide by his 
 directions. While the cold remains, she should, 
 on no account, go out in damp, chilly weather, 
 nor attend any ball, concert, or public assembly, 
 where the air, necessarily impure from being 
 breathed by so many, must increase, instead of 
 allaying, the irritation of her lungs. Our best 
 advice here, however, is to enjoin a strict ad- 
 herence to the directions of the family physicians. 
 
 Slight colds, in some constitutions, are matters 
 of little moment; but in others they are frequently 
 attended by the most serious consequences, and 
 always increase a natural predisposition to dis- 
 eases of the throat and chest. The habit of 
 thinking and speaking lightly of colds, among 
 the former, causes the latter too often to regard 
 them as of little account ; but in this they com- 
 mit a dangerous and too often fatal error. Al- 
 most every case of confirmed and hopeless 
 disease of the lungs may be traced back to a 
 slight cold. 
 
 We dwell upon this subject because of its 
 great importance, beyond the mere fact of the 
 retention of health and preservation of life by the 
 individual. The fearful encroachments of the 
 disease now under consideration is one that is 
 lamented by all. So certainly does it, in most 
 cases, early find its victims, especially among the 
 
105 
 
 female sex, that the instances are becoming rare, 
 that the daughter of a mother who has died of 
 consumption attains her thirtieth year. Too 
 frequently she sinks into the grave ere she has 
 passed more than a few summers beyond the 
 bright period of womanhood. But this is by no 
 means a necessary consequence. If the present 
 generation of young persons, constitutionally 
 liable to the disease in question, would success- 
 fully strive to keep it from developing itself in 
 them, they would transmit to their offspring a 
 predisposition to the disease in a less active 
 form; and if they would, in turn, be equally as 
 prudent as their parents, they might transmit the 
 tendency in a still less active form to their off- 
 spring, so that, in a few generations, this destruc- 
 tive foe of the young, the pure, and the beautiful, 
 would no longer occupy its present prominent 
 place in our catalogue of diseases. 
 
 If any of our young readers can see the im- 
 portance of the subject, viewed in this light, they 
 cannot but feel more deeply than ever the duty 
 that rests upon them to preserve their health for 
 the sake of the happiness of others, and the gen- 
 eral well-being of society. The consequences 
 arising from abuse of health does not always rest 
 with an individual ; and a knowledge of this, if 
 
106 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 no Other motive be strong enough, should prompt 
 every one to seek its preservation. 
 
 Every young girl knows that she will, in a 
 few years, have to take her place in society as a 
 woman. Let her look at her mother and her 
 mother's friends, and see how much the well- 
 being and happiness of others are dependent 
 upon the retention of their lives and the preser- 
 vation of their health. In a few years, she will, 
 in all probability, stand in the same relation to 
 society as her mother now does, and have as 
 many duties to perform, involving the comfort 
 and happiness of others. If, when this time 
 come, through her youthful folly and indiscre- 
 tion, her health be gone, her lot will be a sad 
 one indeed. Pain and disability will attend the 
 performance of even the most trifling duty, and 
 she will be a burden to herself, and the source 
 of anxiety and grief to her nearest and best 
 friends ; and, it may be, just as the tenderest ties 
 that can bind a woman to earth are formed, death 
 will rudely break them asunder. 
 
 What other considerations can we urge upon 
 our fair young friends to induce them to regard 
 the admonitions of those who love them, and are 
 wiser than they are ? The means of preserving 
 health are accessible to all. There is not so 
 
BROTHERS. 
 
 107 
 
 much ignorance on this subject as disinclination 
 to make a temporary sacrifice of present desires, 
 in order to secure a great and lasting good. 
 Such being the case, we have sought rather to 
 present motives for the preservation of health, 
 than rules for attaining the so much desired 
 object. Where a disposition to take proper care 
 of the health exists, a knowledge of the means 
 necessary to be used are easily attained. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 BROTHERS. 
 
 Older brothers are not usually as attentive, tfi... 
 their younger sisters as the latter would feel to 
 be agreeable. The little girls that were so long 
 known as children, with the foibles, faults, and 
 caprices of children, although now grown up 
 into tall young ladies, who have left or are about 
 leaving school, are still felt to be children, or 
 but a little advanced beyond childhood, by the 
 young men who. have had some three or four 
 years' experience in the world. With these 
 older brothers, there will not usually be, arising 
 
108 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 from this cause, much confidential and unre- 
 served intercourse ; at least, not until the sisters 
 have added two or three years more to their 
 ages, and assumed more of the quiet dignity of 
 womanhood. 
 
 Upon these older brothers, therefore, the con- 
 duct of sisters cannot, usually, have much effect. 
 They are removed to a point chiefly beyond the 
 circle of their influence. But upon brothers 
 near about their own age, and younger than 
 themselves, the influence of sisters may be 
 brought to bear with the most salutary results. 
 The temptations to which young men are ex- 
 posed, when first they come in contact with the 
 world, are many, and full of the strongest allure- j 
 
 I ments. Their virtuous principles are assailed in | 
 
 j a thousand ways ; sometimes boldly, and some- I 
 
 times by the most insidious arts of the vicious j 
 
 and evil-minded. All, therefore, that can make | 
 
 virtue lovely in their eyes, and vice hideous, 
 they need to strengthen the good principles ! 
 
 stored up, from childhood, in their minds. For j 
 
 their sakes, home should be made as attractive | 
 
 as possible, in order to induce them frequently j 
 
 to spend their evenings in the place where, of all j 
 
 others, they will be safest. To do this, a young ; 
 
 i lady must consult the tastes of her brothers, and | 
 
 endeavor to take sufficient interest in the pur- i 
 
BROTHERS. 
 
 109 
 
 suits that interest them, as to make herself com- 
 panionable. If they are fond of music, one of 
 the strongest incentives she can have for attain- 
 ing the highest possible skill in performing upon 
 the piano, will be the hope of making home, 
 thereby, the most attractive place vi'here they can 
 spend their evenings. If they are fond of read- 
 ing, let her read, as far as she can, the books 
 that interest them, in order that she may take 
 part in their conversations; and let her, in 
 every other possible way, furnish herself with the 
 means of making home agreeable. 
 
 There is no surer' way for a sister to gain an 
 influence with her brother, than to cultivate all 
 exterior graces and accomplishments, and im- 
 prove her mind by reading, thinking, and obser- 
 vation. By these means she not only becomes 
 his intelligent companion, but inspires him with 
 a feeling of generous pride towards her, that, more 
 than any thing else, impresses her image upon 
 his mind, brings her at all times nearer to him, 
 and gives her a double power over him for good. 
 
 The indifference felt by brothers towards their 
 sisters, when it does exist, often arises from the 
 fact that their sisters are inferior, in almost every 
 thing, to the women they are in the habit of 
 meeting abroad. Where this is the case, such 
 indifference is not so much to be wondered at. 
 10 
 
110 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 Sisters should always endeavor to gain, as 
 much as possible, the confidence of their broth- 
 ers, and to give them their confidence in return. 
 Mutual good offices will result from this, and 
 attachments that could only produce unhappi- 
 ness may be prevented. A man sees more of 
 men than a woman does, and the same is true 
 in regard to the other sex. This being so, 
 a brother has it in his power at once to guard \ \ 
 
 his sister against the advances of an unprincipled i j 
 
 man, or a man whose habits he knows to be bad ; 
 and a sister has it in her power to reveal to her 
 brother traits of character in a woman, for whom 
 he is about forming an attachment, that would 
 repel rather than attract him. 
 
 Towards her younger brother a sister should 
 be particularly considerate. In allusion to this 
 subject, Mrs. Farrar has written so well that 
 we cannot repress our wish to quote her. " If 
 your brothers are younger than you, encourage 
 them to be perfectly confidential with you ; win 
 their friendship by your sympathy in all their 
 concerns, and let them see that their interests 
 and their pleasures are liberally provided for in 
 the family arrangements. Never disclose their 
 little secrets, however unimportant they may 
 seem to you ; never pain them by an ill-timed 
 joke ; never repress their feelings by ridicule ; 
 
BROTH KRS. 
 
 Ill 
 
 but be their tenderest friend, and then you may 
 become their ablest adviser. If separated from 
 them by the course of school and college educa- 
 tion, make a point of keeping up your intimacy 
 by full, free, and affectionate correspondence ; 
 and when they return to the paternal roof, at 
 that awkward age between youth and manhood, 
 when reserve creeps over the mind like an im- 
 penetrable veil, suffer it not to interpose between 
 you and your brothers. Cultivate their friend- 
 ship and intimacy with all the address and ten- 
 derness you possess ; for it is of unspeakable 
 importance to them that their sisters should be 
 their confidential friends. Consider the loss of 
 a ball or party, for the sake of making the even- 
 ing pass pleasantly to your brothers at home, as 
 a small sacrifice — one you should unhesitatingly 
 make. If they go into company with you, see 
 that they are introduced to the most desirable 
 acquaintances, and show them that you are in- 
 terested in their acquitting themselves well." 
 
 Having quoted so much from the " Young 
 Lady's Friend," we feel inclined to give a few 
 passages more from the author's admirable re- 
 marks on the relation of brother and sister. 
 
 " So many temptations beset young men, of 
 which young women know nothing, that it is of 
 the utmost importance that your brothers' even- 
 
112 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 ings should be happily passed at home; that their 
 friends should be your friends ; that their engage- 
 ments should be the same as yours ; and that 
 various innocent amusements should be pro- 
 vided for them in the family circle. Music is 
 an accomplishment usually valuable as a home 
 enjoyment, as rallying round the piano the 
 various members of a family, and harmonizing 
 their hearts, as well as their voices, particularly 
 in devotional strains. I know no more agree- 
 able and interesting spectacle than that of 
 brothers and sisters playing and singing together 
 those elevated compositions in music and poetry 
 which gratify the taste and purify the heart, 
 while their parents sit delighted by. I have 
 seen and heard an elder sister thus leading the 
 family choir, who was the soul of harmony to 
 the whole household, and whose life was a per- 
 fect example of those virtues which I am hers 
 endeavoring to inculcate. Let no one say, in 
 reading this chapter, that too much is here re- 
 quired of sisters ; that no one can be expected to 
 lead such a self-sacrificing life ; for the sainted 
 one to whom I refer was all that I would ask 
 my sister to be; and a happier person never 
 lived. ' To do good and make others happy,' 
 was the rule of her life ; and in this she found 
 the art of making herself so." 
 
ri 
 
 BROTHERS. 
 
 113 
 
 " Brothers will generally be found strongly 
 opposed to the slightest indecorum in sisters. 
 .... Their intercourse with all sorts of men 
 enables them to judge of the construction put 
 upon certain actions, and modes of dress and 
 speech, much better than women can ; and you 
 will do well to take their advice on all such 
 points." 
 
 *'I have been told by men, who had passed 
 unharmed through the temptations of youth, that 
 they owed their escape from many dangers to 
 the intimate companionship of affectionate and 
 pure-minded sisters. They have been saved 
 from a hazardous meeting with idle company by 
 some home engagement, of which their sisters 
 were the charm ; they have refrained from mix- 
 ing with the impure, because they would not 
 bring home thoughts and feelings which they 
 could not share with those trusting and loving 
 friends; they have put aside the wine-cup, and 
 abstained from stronger potations, because they 
 would not profane with their fumes the holy kiss, 
 with which they were accustomed to bid their 
 sisters good-night." 
 10* 
 
114 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 
 
 It often happens that a daughter possesses 
 greatly superior advantages to those enjoyed, in 
 early years, by either her father or mother. She 
 is not compelled to labor as hard as they were 
 obliged to labor when young ; and she is blessed 
 with the means of education far beyond what 
 they had. Her associations, too, are of a dif- 
 ferent order, all tending to elevate her views of 
 life, to refine her tastes, and to give her admis- 
 sion into a higher grade of society than they 
 M^ere fitted to move in. 
 
 Unless very watchful of herself and very 
 thoughtful of her parents, a daughter so situated 
 will be led at times to draw comparisons between 
 her own cultivated intellect and taste and the 
 want of such cultivation in her parents, and to 
 think indifferently of them, as really inferior, be- 
 cause not so well educated and accomplished as 
 she is. A distrust of their judgment and a dis- 
 respect of their opinions will follow, as a natural 
 consequence, if these thoughts and feelings be 
 indulged. This result often takes place with 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 
 
 115 
 
 thoughtless, weak-minded girls ; and is followed 
 by what is worse, a disregard to their feelings, 
 wishes, and express commands. 
 
 A sensible daughter, who loves her parents, 
 will hardly forget to whom she is indebted for all 
 the superior advantages she enjoys. She will 
 also readily perceive that the experience which 
 her parents have acquired, and their natural 
 strength of mind, give them a real and great 
 superiority over her, and make their judgment, in 
 all matters of life, far more to be depended upon 
 than hers could possibly be. It may be that her 
 mother has never learned to play upon the piano, 
 has never been to a dancing-school, has never 
 had any thing beyond the merest rudiments of an 
 education ; but she has good sense, prudence, 
 industry, economy ; understands and practises 
 all the virtues of domestic life ; has a clear, dis- 
 criminating judgment; has been her husband's 
 faithful friend and adviser for some twenty or 
 thirty years; and has safely guarded and guided 
 her children up to mature years. These evi- 
 dences of a mother's title to her respect and full- 
 est confidence cannot long be absent from a 
 daughter's mind, and will prevent her acting in 
 direct opposition to her judgment. 
 
 Thoughtless indeed must be that child who 
 can permit an emotion of disrespect towards her 
 
116 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. jj 
 
 parents to dwell in her bosom for more than a jj 
 
 single moment ! i \ 
 
 Respect and love towards parents are abso- |: 
 
 lately necessary to the proper formation of the | j 
 
 character upon that true basis which will bring | 
 
 into just order and subordination all the pow- j 
 
 ers of the mind. Without this order and sub- j 
 
 ordination there can be no true happiness. A ! 
 
 child loves and respects his parents, because from ' 
 
 (them he derived his being, and from them re- | 
 
 ceives every blessing and comfort. To them, and | 
 
 to them alone, does his mind turn as the authors of j 
 
 all the good gifts he possesses. As a mere child, ! 
 
 it is right for him thus to regard his parents as j 
 
 the authors of his being and the originators of all | 
 
 his blessings. But as reason gains strength and i 
 
 he sees mcrre deeply into the nature and causes i 
 
 of things, which only takes place as the child ap- i 
 
 proaches the years of maturity, it is then seen 
 that the parents were only the agents through 
 which life, and all the blessings accompanying it, 
 came from God, the great Father of all. If the 
 parents have been loved with a truly filial love, 
 th.en the mind has been suitably opened and pre- 
 pared for love towards God, and an obedience to 
 his divine laws, without which there can be no 
 true happiness. When this new and higher 
 truth takes possession of the child's mind, it in 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 
 
 117 
 
 no way diminishes his respect for his earthly 
 parents, but increases it. He no longer obeys 
 them because they command obedience, but 
 he regards the truth of their precepts, and 
 in that truth hears the voice of God speaking 
 to him. More than ever is he now careful to 
 listen to their wise counsels, because he per- 
 ceives in them the authority of reason, which is 
 the authority of God. 
 
 Most young ladies, on attaining the age of 
 responsibility, will perceive a difference in the 
 manner of their parents. Instead of opposing 
 them, as heretofore, with authority, they will 
 oppose them with reason, where opposition is 
 deemed necessary. The mother, instead of say- 
 ing, when she disapproves any thing, "No, 
 my child, you cannot do it ; " or, " No, you 
 must not go, dear ; " will say, " I would rather 
 not have you do so ; " or, " I do not approve of 
 your going." If you ask her reasons, she will 
 state them, and endeavor to make you compre- 
 hend their force. It is far too often the case, 
 that the daughter's desire to do what her mother 
 disapproves is so active, that neither her mother's 
 objections nor reasons are strong enough to 
 counteract her wishes, and she follows her own 
 inclinations instead of being guided by her 
 mother's better judgment. In these instances, 
 
118 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 she almost always does wrong, and suffers there- 
 from either bodily or mental pain. 
 
 Obedience in childhood is that by which we 
 are led and guided into right actions. When 
 we become men and women, reason takes the 
 place of obedience ; but, like a young bird just 
 fluttering from its nest, reason at first has not 
 much strength of wing ; and we should therefore 
 suifer the reason of those who love us, like the 
 mother-bird, to stoop under and bear us up in 
 our earlier efforts, lest we fall bruised and 
 wounded to the ground. To whose reason 
 should a young girl look to strengthen her own, 
 so soon as to her mother's, guided as it is by 
 love? But it too often happens that, under the 
 first impulses of conscious freedom, no voice is 
 regarded but the voice of inclination and pas- 
 I sion. The mother may oppose, and warn, and 
 
 j urge the most serious considerations, but the 
 
 j daughter turns a deaf ear to all. She thinks 
 
 I that she knows best. Let us give a case in 
 
 point. 
 j " You are not going to-night, Mary?" said a 
 
 j mother, coming into her daughter's room, and 
 
 finding her dressing for a ball. She had been 
 rather seriously indisposed, for some days, with a 
 cold that had fallen upon her throat and chest, 
 which was weak, but was now something better 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 
 
 119 
 
 " I think I will, mother, for I am much better 
 than I was yesterday, ^nd have improved since 
 morning. I have promised myself so much 
 pleasure at this ball, that I cannot think of being 
 disappointed." 
 
 The mother shook her head. 
 
 " Mary," she replied, " you are not well 
 enough to go out. The air is damp, and you 
 will inevitably take more cold. Think how badly 
 your throat has been inflamed." 
 
 " I don't think it has been so very bad, 
 mother." 
 
 " The doctor told me it was badly inflamed, 
 and said you would have to be very careful of 
 yourself, or it might prove serious." 
 
 " That was some days ago. It is a great deal 
 better now." 
 
 " But the least exposure may cause it to 
 return." 
 
 " I will be very careful not to expose myself. 
 I will wrap up warm and go in a carriage. I 
 am sure there is not the least danger, mother." 
 
 " While I am sure that there is very great 
 danger. You cannot pass from the door to the 
 carriage without the damp air striking upon 
 your face, and pressing into your lungs." 
 
 " But I must not always exclude myself from 
 
120 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 the air, mother. Air and exercise, you know, the 
 doctor says, are indispensable to health." 
 
 " Dry, not damp air. This makes the dif- 
 ference. But you must act for yourself, Mary. 
 You are now a woman, and must freely act in 
 the light of that reason which God has given 
 you. Because I love you, and desire your welfare, 
 I thus seek to convince you ^hat it is wrong 
 to expose your health to-night. Your great 
 desire to go blinds you to the real danger, 
 which I can fully see." 
 
 '' You are over-anxious, mother," urged Mary. 
 " I know how I feel much better than you pos- 
 sibly can, and I know I am well enough to go." 
 
 " I have nothing more to say, my child," 
 returned the mother. " I wish you to act freely, 
 but wisely. Wisely I am sure you will not act 
 if you go to-night. A temporary illness may not 
 alone be the consequence; your health may 
 receive a shock from which it will never re- 
 cover." 
 
 " Mother wishes to frighten me," said Mary 
 to herself, after her mother had left the room. 
 ^' But I am not to be so easily frightened. I am 
 sorry she makes such a serious matter about my 
 going, for I never like to do any thing that is not 
 agreeable to her feelings. But I must go to this 
 
CONDUCT TOWAilUS PARENTS. 
 
 121 
 
 ball. William is to call for rae at eight, and he 
 would be as much disappointed as myself if I 
 were not to go. As to taking more cold, what 
 of that? I would willingly pay the penalty of a 
 pretty severe cold rather than miss the ball." 
 
 Against all her mother's earnestly urged objec- 
 tions, Mary went with her lover to the ball. She 
 came home, at one o'clock, with a sharp pain 
 through her breast, red spots on her cheeks, 
 oppression of the chest, and considerable fever. 
 On the next morning she was unable to rise 
 from her bed. When the doctor, who was sent 
 for, came in, he looked grave, and asked if 
 there had been any exposure by which a fresh 
 cold could be taken. 
 
 " She was at the ball last night," replied the 
 mother. 
 
 "Not with your approval, madam ? " he said 
 quickly, looking with a stern expression into the 
 mother's face. 
 
 " No, doctor. I urged her not to go ; but 
 Mary thought she knew best. She did not be- 
 lieve there was any danger." 
 
 A strong expression rose to the doctor's lips, 
 but he repressed it, lest he should needlessly 
 alarm the patient. On retiring from her cham- 
 ber, he declared the case to be a very critical 
 one ; and so it proved to be. Mary did not 
 11 
 
122 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 leave her room for some months ; and when she 
 did, it was with a constitution so impaired that 
 she could not endure the slightest fatigue, nor 
 bear the least exposure. Neither change of 
 climate nor medicine availed any thing towards 
 restoring her to liealth. In this feeble state, she 
 married, about twelve months afterwards, the 
 young man who had accompanied her to the 
 ball. One year from the period at which that 
 happy event took place, she died, leaving to 
 stranger hands a babe that needed all her ten- 
 derest care, and a husband almost broken-hearted 
 at his loss. 
 
 This is not merely a picture from the imagina- 
 tion, and highly colored. It is from nature, and 
 every line is drav/n with the pencil of truth. 
 Hundreds of young women yearly sink into the 
 grave, whose friends can trace to some similar 
 act of imprudence, committed in direct opposi- 
 tion to the earnest persuasions of parents or 
 friends, the cause of their premature decay and 
 death. And too often other, and sometimes 
 even worse, consequences than death, follow a 
 disregard of the mother's voice of warning. 
 
 Let no young lady, then, consider herself free 
 to follow the impulse of her own feelings, be- 
 cause she is no longer \inder the authority of her 
 parents. Let her remember that she is still to live 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 
 
 123 
 
 in the strictest obedience, — obedience to reason, 
 — and that, at her tender age, her own reason is 
 not sufficiently matured, but must be strengthened 
 and guided towards sound conchisions by the 
 experience of others. To her parents she must, 
 therefore, still look ; and she is as much bound to 
 obey the voice of reason speaking through them, 
 as she was before bound to obey tiie voice of 
 authority. If heedless of this voice of reason 
 thus Speaking, she must not wonder if she 
 commit serious errors, that may entail upon her 
 years, it may be a lifetime, of suffering and 
 repentance. 
 
 From what has been said, let it not be sup- 
 posed that a young lady should not cultivate the 
 habit of thinking for herself, nor seek the guid- 
 ance of her own reason, properly enlightened. 
 No; this is essential to the moral health and 
 true well-being of every individual. All that is 
 meant is, that every young lady should willingly 
 receive the aid of others' reason and experience, 
 to enable her to decide in her own mind what is 
 right for her to do under certain circumstances. 
 So much inclined will she be to act from feeling 
 and impulse, that she will find all such aids of 
 the first importance; and she will be in much 
 more danger of acting from her own impulses 
 
124 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 and passions, and thus acting wrong, than she 
 will be of acting blindly from the advice of 
 parents or friends. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. 
 
 Singularly enough, we have in this day a 
 class of intellectual ladies, who boldly contend 
 for the absolute equality of the sexes, and who 
 write books for the purpose of proving this doc- 
 trine, and spreading it throughout society. As 
 far as we are able to understand what they do 
 believe, we infer that they hold the only radical 
 difference that exists between a man and a 
 woman to be the difference of physical con- 
 formation — the social difference that is seen 
 every where, arising from man's superior phys- 
 ical power, by which he is able to keep woman 
 in subjection. They claim for woman equal 
 civil and political privileges witfi man, and see 
 nothing but tyranny in the law, or usage that 
 }ias the force of law, which keeps a woman out 
 
EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. 125 
 
 of her country's legislative halls. \Every where -/> 
 would these reformers place women in contest^ 
 with men for the honors and emoluments which 
 Fociety bestows upon the successful ; — in the 
 ■^ariip, on tlie beiich, at tlie bar, in tlie pulpit, in 
 the dissecting-room, or hospital, with the opera- 
 tor's knife in her hand, — in fact, wherever 
 strong nerve, powerful intellect, decision, and 
 firmness are required. 
 
 Some of the books written by advocates of 
 these doctrines contain views of a most per- 
 nicious character, striking still 'more deeply at 
 the very foundations of social well-being. As 
 might be supposed, few of their writers under- 
 stand or teach what is true in regard to mar- 
 riage. And this is no matter of wonder; for 
 how can any one, who is not able to see the 
 true difference between the sexes, teach what is 
 true in regard to their union ? 
 
 In order to guard our young friends against 
 the false reasonings, and equally false conclu- 
 sions, of these advocates of the equality of the 
 sexes, we will, in as plain and comprehensive a 
 way as possible, set forth what is the true rela- 
 tion of one sex to the other ; and in doing this 
 we must explain the radical difference. As to 
 equality in itself, this, iio^doubt, exists; butlt is 
 in tliejequal right of b^i to^bejiseful and happy 
 
j 126 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. j 
 
 ' . . ! 
 
 in the particular spheres for which God created ! 
 them. The main point of equality which is 
 contended for, and upon which all the rest is 
 
 made to depend, is intdlectual equality ; and I 
 
 here the great error is committed, and it is com- { 
 
 i mitted by '' intellectual " or " masculine " wo- I 
 
 I men, who hold the same false relation to their i 
 
 j sex, that '' effeminate " men hold to theirs. It is j 
 
 I a little curious that the first use made, by these j 
 
 intellectual women, of their great mental powers, j 
 
 is to lead their followers into a most danorerous i 
 
 error ! | 
 
 That there does exist as great a difference j 
 
 between the mental as between the physical i 
 structure of the sexes, is clear, from common 
 
 perception, to almost every one. That it must ' 
 
 be so, will be seen from this : Every physical \ 
 form that we see in nature is the outbirth of 
 
 some spiritual and invisible cause ; and the pe- i 
 
 culiarity of its form and quality depends solely i 
 
 upon the peculiarity of its cause. The cause j 
 
 that produces a rose is different from that which | 
 
 produces a lily, and ever remains different. The ! 
 
 cause that produces a lion is different from that j 
 
 which produces a lamb. It is not circumstances, | 
 
 the peculiarity of education, nor any other ex- | 
 ternal thing, that makes this difference, for it is 
 radical And as this is true in the broader, so 
 
EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. 
 
 127 
 
 m 
 
 ferent from tlie mind of a woman, because ,.he 
 has a different external conformation. This dif- 
 ference is not a slight one ; it is a difference that 
 pervades every part of the body. 
 
 The question now comes — " In what does 
 this difference specifically consist?" Before 
 attempting to answer this fully, let it be re- 
 marked, that this difference is a uniting dif- 
 ference, not a separating one ; and that inherent 
 in the two sexes is an instinct that tends to a 
 union of one with the other. This union, let it 
 be further stated, is necessary to the formation 
 of a perfect being : until it does take place, both 
 the man and the woman must be, in a certain 
 sense, imperfect — he only a thinking man, and 
 she only a loving man. But when it is effected, 
 then both unite to form one truly perfect man, 
 with thought and affection in their fullest power. 
 
 As clearly as it is possible for us to do it, will 
 
 is it true in all the minuter, shades of difference 
 that exist in the world of nature. If there be 
 any difference in form, there is a corresponding 
 difference, be it ever so minute, in the producing 
 cause. Keeping this in view, it may readily be Q 
 seen, thaFwhat niakes man a man, and woman O^^^l^.J^..^ 
 a w«man, is not the body, buT the mind; and, j^ J ^ ^ 
 as the_body is formed from, by, or through the'.r"^ ■ 
 mind as a cause, the mind of a man must be dif- ' \>. 
 
 M \ 
 
 '>j 
 
 » 
 
 ^Uf..^ 
 
128 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 i we now endeavor to show in what the difference 
 
 i of the sexes consists. The mind is composed of 
 
 I two faculties, Will and Understandincr ; the one 
 
 I the seat of affection, and the other of thought. 
 j The brain is that organ by which the mind acts, 
 
 j and is marked by two grand divisions, the cere- 
 
 I brum and the cerebellum. The cerebrum occu- 
 
 I pies the highest and anterior part of the skull, 
 i while the cerebellum, or little brain, as it is 
 
 j sometimes called, occupies the lower and pos- 
 
 I terior part of the skull. It is by means of the 
 I cerebellum that the will acts, and by means of 
 
 I the cerebrum that the understanding acts. By 
 
 I the will, affections are excited ; and by the under- 
 
 I standing, thoughts. The will feels, or loves: the 
 
 I understanding thinks. The understanding is 
 
 the agent of the will, and bodies forth or gives 
 forms to its peculiar affections. The will is 
 man's life or love, and the understanding is only 
 the means by which the life or love of a man 
 comes into activity, and thence into power. 
 
 By keeping this division in the mind, the dif- :i 
 
 j ference between the sexes, when stated, will be 1 j 
 
 |i clearly apparent. A man has will and under- ij 
 
 i standing, and a cerebellum and cerebrum by j! 
 
 i I which they act ; and so has a woman. In this | i 
 
 H they are alike. But in man the understanding - 
 
 |t' predominates, and in woman the will; and here 
 M '■ 
 
EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. 
 
 129 
 
 they are different. If this be so, we may, of 
 course, expect to find a larger development of 
 the cerebrum, or upper brain, in man, and a 
 larger development of the cerebellum, or lower 
 brain, in woman ; and this is so. A man's head 
 is higher, and fuller in front, than a woman's; 
 while a woman's head is broader and larger 
 behind than a man's. 
 
 From this it will be seen that man has a will and 
 an understanding; and so has a woman; — that 
 both are thinking and loving beings, but that in 
 one the understanding or intellect preponderates, 
 and in the other the will or affections ; and there- 
 fore to claim mental equality is absurd. A man 
 is not equal to a woman, nor a woman equal to 
 a man. As to the question of superiority, we 
 leave that for others to decide ; merely stating, 
 however, that the will has reference to good, and 
 the understanding to truth ; the affections re- 
 garding quality or good, and the understand- 
 hig being merely the discriminating power by 
 which truth is perceived. Some think good 
 higher than truth ; and this is our *own opinion. 
 Good is, in fact, the essence, and truth the form, 
 of a thing. 
 
 The true difference between the sexes is that 
 which we have just stated. Now, let any sen- 
 sible woman reflect upon the nature of this dif- 
 
130 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 ference, and she will at once see that the claim 
 of equality which is set up is altogether an erro- 
 neous one, and that the attempt to make woman 
 equal in the way some contend that she should 
 be, would be to do the greatest possible wrong, 
 both to herself and society. That she has not 
 the strong intellectual power that man possesses, 
 no woman, but one blinded by her own pride and 
 self-love, will for a moment attempt to maintain. 
 There are men of weak intellect, and women of 
 !i stroncr intellect: but take the whole mass of 
 
 I women and the whole mass of men, and every 
 
 j I one can see that there is an immense pre- 
 
 1 1 ponderance of intellect in the one over the 
 
 ; ! other. By intellect do not understand us to say 
 
 ! i mind : we are only speaking of a faculty of 
 
 the mind by which man is peculiarly distin- 
 guished. Love, the sweeter, purer, stronger 
 quality of mind, is woman's. 
 
 In the beginning, God made man male and fe- 
 male. There is a deep significance in this peculiar 
 language. It is said in the Bible, speaking of a 
 man and his* wife, that They ticain shall be one 
 fiesh. And the common perception of man- 
 kind, brought down into common language, is, 
 that " a man and his wife are one." This 
 is not a mere figure of speech, a beautiful 
 
EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. 
 
 131 
 
 idealism. It is the truth. A man and his wife, 
 truly so, are one. Now, how can two things, 
 precisely alike, become one ? A man and a man 
 are alike, and so are a woman and a woman; 
 but they cannot become one. There needs to 
 be a uniting difference ; and this we have in the 
 preponderance of intellect in man, and affection 
 in woman ; and their union, mystical and holy, 
 is needed to make one truly perfect, effective 
 man. 
 
 Of the nature of this mystical union we had 
 thought of speaking here at some length ; but the 
 subject is rather difficult of comprehension, and 
 hardly in place in a work like this. 
 
 It follows, from what has been said, that mar- 
 riage is essential to human perfection. This we 
 firmly believe; and we also believe that where 
 marriage is opposed from principle, (it never is 
 from any other than a selfish principle,) the mind 
 becomes perverted from its true order, and the 
 intellect weakened. 
 
 It may seem to some, that to say equality 
 of the sexes is not the true mode of speaking, as 
 a denial of this equality, leaves on the mind an 
 idea of inferiority of one to the other. To some, 
 the terms used will doubtless convey this mean- 
 ing. The difficulty of choosing terms that ex- 
 press with perfect exactness what we desire to 
 
132 ADVICE TO YOUjVG LADIES. 
 
 convey, is often very great, especially as to the 
 same set of terms different persons attach pecu- 
 liar, and sometimes very important, shades of 
 difference. By equal, as used in this chapter, 
 is meant being alike as to mental conformation 
 and mental power — which is denied. As to 
 which is highest or lowest, superior or inferior, 
 that is another matter. Here we believe_woman 
 to be the equal of man; not born to obedience, 
 but to 136 his intelligent and lovin^companion^^ 
 
 Let no young woman be deceived by the class 
 of reformers, to which we made allusion in the 
 commencement of this chapter. Some of them, 
 stepping out of the sphere for which God and 
 their own peculiar mental qualities designed 
 them, are assuming the place of men as itinerant 
 and public lecturers; and most of them speak 
 almost with a species of scoffing of the holy 
 state of wedlock. No good, in any case, has 
 ever arisen, but much evil, from the promulga- 
 tion of their pernicious doctrines. Man they 
 are too much in the habit of representing as a 
 selfish tyrant, and woman as his plaything or 
 slave; and they are full of intemperate appeals 
 to their sex to throw off the yoke that man has 
 placed upon their necks. That there are men 
 who are selfish tyrantsj and make slaves of their 
 wives, is not to be denied ; but just as many 
 
EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. 
 
 133 
 
 women tyrannize over their husbands. These 
 form the exceptions, not the rule ; and to judge 
 of all, by these exceptions, shows either a weak 
 head or a bad heart. 
 
 As far as we have observed these social re- 
 formers, we find that the great evil complained 
 of, the head and front of all the wrong they 
 suffer, lies in the necessity there is for the 
 female sex to attend to domestic duties, while 
 man steps abroad into the \vorld, and makes 
 himself a name and a place therein. They 
 complain that every avenue to wealth, place, and 
 preferment, is blocked up by men, and that a 
 woman is not permitted, by the absurd customs, 
 of society, to contend for honors and wealth, but 
 must meekly withdraw into her little circle at 
 home, and be content with her husband's honor, 
 or the portion of his wealth he may choose to 
 dole out to her. 
 
 With this idea set steadily before their minds, 
 at the same time that they are profoundly igno- 
 rant of what really makes the difference between 
 man and woman, they see nothing but wrong 
 and oppression in the usages of society, and 
 charge upon man the authorship of what is only 
 the legitimate result of a law impressed by the 
 hand of God upon the human mind. 
 
 In thus speaking, it is not meant to deny that 
 12 
 
134 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 many evils exist in society, and that women do 
 
 not suffer sorely from these evils. This, alas ! 
 
 we know too well. But that which is pointed 
 
 out by the persons we allude to, as the cause, is 
 
 not the true one. ^^.^^....^..,^ 
 
 r^There is something really so absurd and re- 
 
 I volting in the idea of taking woman out of her 
 
 f present sphere, and her present high and holy 
 
 ' uses in society, and placing her side by side with 
 
 man in the world's rough arena, and in contest 
 
 with him for honor, and fame, and wealth, that 
 
 we cannot seriously argue against it. We have 
 
 deemed it sufficient to show that, in the very 
 
 nature of things, such can never be the case. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 
 
 There are two extremes which we constantly 
 see among young women on first going into com- 
 pany, and coming into the society of men. The 
 one is a simpering bashfulness, that looks and \s 
 very silly, while the other is exhibited in a bold. 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 
 
 135 
 
 free air, that is even more offensive to good 
 sense and propriety. A little more confidence 
 will correct the one, and a little more modesty 
 the other. Both are exceedingly unpleasant to 
 meet with, though the former is much more tol- 
 erable to men of true feeling and discernment 
 than the latter. These latter will always find 
 plenty of young men ready to gossip, and flirt, 
 and take liberties of speech with them, that the 
 gelf-respect of any modest girl would cause her 
 at once to repel; but the - crowd they gather 
 around them is far from being a crowd of real 
 admirers; or, if weak enough to admire, they 
 are far from being such admirers as a true 
 woman would wish to have. They are mostly 
 silly boys, or men who have lost all true respect 
 for woman. 
 
 On first going into company, a pure-minded, 
 truly modest, inexperienced girl, will naturally 
 feel a degree of reserve and embarrassment, 
 especially on meeting with and being introduced 
 to strange young men. This feeling of reserve 
 she should not seek to throw off, unless the men 
 have received their introduction to her through 
 her father or brother, or some particular friend 
 of the family, in whom her parents evidently 
 place great confidence. When this is the case, 
 politeness requires that she should endeavor to 
 
136 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 ^ make herself agreeable and entertaining to the 
 person so introduced, by joining in conversation 
 with him upon some general topic, instead of 
 merely replying in monosyllables to every remark 
 i he may offer — a custom that is very annoying to 
 
 I a person who is politely endeavoring to entertain 
 
 another. Don't say that you cannot do it — that 
 you don't know what to say. Compose your 
 mind, and think, and thought will soon dictate 
 what you ought to say. If, however, the person 
 who is seeking your acquaintance, has been in- 
 troduced, without your consent, by some other 
 than your father, brother, or your parents' par- 
 ticular friend, you cannot be too reserved towards 
 him. You have no guaranty for his character 
 or his principles, and therefore you should not 
 let him be upon easy and familiar terms with 
 you. 
 
 In regard to her acquaintances of the other 
 sex, a young lady cannot be too particular. It 
 is no proof that a young man is worthy to be 
 numbered among her friends, because he is well 
 dressed, good looking, converses intelligently, 
 and visits at the house, or attends the parties 
 given by this, that, or the other respectable 
 person. The error of believing this is a too 
 common, but a very dangerous one. Unfor- 
 tunately, such evidences are no proofs of true 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 
 
 137 
 
 respectability and virtue. As society is now 
 constituted, the worst class of young men, as 
 well as the best, are equally free to mingle in 
 fashionable circles: all that is needed to give 
 them access are family, education, and good 
 manners. The most depraved, alike with the 
 most virtuous, may possess these external advan- 
 tages. How often is it the case that we see a 
 young man, whose habits are as bad as a de- 
 praved heart can make them, in close and 
 friendly conversation, and, it may be, impiously 
 venturing to touch the hand of a pure-minded, 
 innocent girl, who, if the quality of his mind 
 could be made apparent to her, would shrink 
 from him with horror ! It is, we regret to say, 
 an almost every-day occurrence. To prevent 
 this as far as possible, a young lady should de- 
 cline all proposed introductions, unless made by 
 her nearest and best friends — those whom she 
 knows to be discriminating, and who have 
 deeply at heart her welfare. If introductions are 
 forced upon her without her consent, she can do 
 no less than treat the person so introduced with 
 politeness; but she should limit the acquaintance 
 to the particular occasion. Afterwards she should 
 be careful to treat the individual as a stranger. 
 If he, however, taking advantage of his introduc- 
 tion, should force himself upon her, she should 
 12* 
 
138 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 not treat him with rudeness, — no lady will do 
 that, — but with a degree of coldness that will 
 sooner or later cause him to feel that his ac- 
 quaintance is not agreeable. 
 
 Reserve like this is absolutely necessary to 
 the protection of a pure-hearted maiden, in a 
 society constituted as ours at present is. The 
 semblances of all that is honorable and noble- 
 minded are so perfect, that even age, with all its 
 penetration, cannot sometimes see through the 
 veil that hides corruption and moral deformity, 
 much less the eyes of a young and inexperienced 
 girl. 
 
 Treated by the other sex as a woman, a 
 maiden of seventeen, eighteen, or even twenty, 
 is apt to forget that she knows little or nothing 
 of the world, and that her knowledge of char- 
 acter is very limited. All around her, it seems 
 as if a book were laid open, and she has but to 
 read and obtain the fullest information on what- 
 ever appertains to life. But she has yet to learn 
 that she sees only tne appearances of things, and 
 that realities are hidden beneath them, and can- 
 not be seen by her except through the eyes of 
 those who are older and more experienced. If 
 she will believe this, it will make her modest 
 and reserved ; modesty and reserve will make 
 her thoughtful ; thinking is the mind's seeing 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 
 
 139 
 
 power, and by it, and it alone, will a young lady 
 be able to see for herself what is right, and form 
 her own judgment of the world into which she 
 has been introduced, and where she has an im- 
 portant part to act as a woman. The men with 
 whom she comes in contact nre often from two 
 to tliree, and sometimes from & ^ to seven, years 
 older than herself They have teen more and 
 thought more than she has. The first deceitful 
 appearances of life have passed away with them, 
 and they can see beneath the surface. When in 
 company with men, therefore, a young lady 
 should seek rather to follow than lead in the 
 conversation ; for, by doing this, she will gain 
 much useful information and many desirable 
 hints in regard to manners, character, social 
 usages, books, and various other matters useful 
 to be known. If, as will not unfrequently be the 
 case, young men begin some trifling chit-ch^it or 
 idle gossip about fashion, or call attention to 
 some peculiarity of dress, person, or manner in 
 individuals present, a young lady should as 
 adroitly as possible change the subject, and en- 
 deavor to lead her companion into a conversation 
 on topics of more interest and importance. If 
 she fail in doing this, she should maintain a rigid 
 silence on the subjects introduced ; they are un- 
 worthy of her, and their introduction should be 
 
140 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 felt as no compliment. It may be, that her com- 
 panion is not able to talk about any thing more 
 sensible ; if that be the case, the quicker he seek 
 to entertain those like him, the better, and a 
 young lady of good sense will think stooping to 
 gossip with him too dear a price to pay for his 
 favorable opinion. • 
 
 Never converse with young men about your 
 own private and personal matters, nor of the 
 concerns of your family. They are merely your 
 acquaintances, not your confidential friends, and 
 never should be admitted to that distinction. 
 Some young men will take a dishonorable ad- 
 vantage of such things, and repeat what you 
 have said in order to make it appear that you 
 entertain for them a particular preference. If 
 what you have really said be not sufficient to 
 give that construction to it, they will add a little 
 coloring, so as to make it suit their purpose. 
 Many a young lady, could she hear her own 
 words repeated, with ^ certain construction 
 placed upon them by young men, would weep 
 with shame and mortification. It is impossible 
 for you to be too guarded in this particular. If 
 you could but once hear, as the writer has dozens 
 of times heard, young men, after spending an 
 evening in free, social intercourse with young 
 ladies, relate what this, that, and the other one 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 
 
 141 
 
 said to them, and the manner of saying it, with 
 the construction placed upon both words and 
 manner, you wonld almost be tempted to seal 
 your lips in silence when again in company. In 
 matters like this, the vanity of some young men 
 causes them to see far more than ever existed. 
 Be modest, thoughtful, and rather reserved than 
 free in your manner ; repel with coldness and 
 silence all familiarity; take but little part in 
 sentimental conversations, if introduced, and 
 repress any free expression of admiration for 
 poetry, starlight, and moonshine, no matter how 
 strong you may feel it ; be careful how you com- 
 pliment a young man's appearance, his manners, 
 or his talents ; and, above all, let your intentions 
 and thoughts be right, and you need not fear any 
 serious misjudgment of your feelings or char- 
 acter. 
 
 Among the errors which young ladies are very 
 prone to commit is one that all men notice, and 
 which some men feel to be very annoying, es- 
 pecially as the error, in too many cases, is one 
 that mature years does not seem to correct. In 
 this country, politeness, deference, and attention 
 to ladies, are considered cardinal virtues among 
 well-bred men. The best places at table, the 
 most comfortable seats in public conveyances* 
 the most delicate and choice viands at a repast, 
 
142 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 — in fact, every thing that is most comfortable, or 
 that can at all be a matter of preference, — is gen- 
 erously yielded by gentlemen to ladies, not as 
 their right, but from feelings of kindness, or 
 from the dictate of {hat genuine politeness that I 
 
 always prefers another. So habitual is this to | 
 
 gentlemen, that a young lady meeting with def- I 
 
 erence and attention every where, is apt to fall , 
 
 into the error of supposing that it belongs to her i 
 
 sex as a right, instead of being yielded by good ! 
 
 feeling. We can suppose no other to be the i 
 
 reason why so many ladies, instead of waiting i 
 
 for these preferences to be shown, boldly claim i 
 
 them; or, when shown, never seem to imagine i 
 
 that a polite acknowledgment of the kindness is j 
 
 the smallest return they can make. How often i 
 
 do we see a lady at a concert, or other public | 
 
 place, walk deliberately up to a gentleman who \ 
 
 has come much earlier than she has, in order to | 
 
 secure a good seat, and stand in front of him, 
 with a look or manner that says, as plain as 1 
 
 words, " Come, sir ! give place. I wish to | 
 
 have that seat." The same rudeness and want | 
 
 of respect to the rights of the other sex are daily j 
 
 seen by those who ride in omnibuses. The 
 stage is stopped, and a lady of this class comes 
 to the door for the purpose of entering, and finds 
 every seat taken. Instead of at once retiring, 
 
CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 
 
 143 
 
 she coolly waits for the gentleman nearest the 
 door to get out of the vehicle, in order that she 
 may get in ; and it most generally happens that, 
 for the sake of appearances alone, some one of 
 them yields his place, — no matter whether he be 
 too much indispose^d to walk without great fa- 
 tigue, or be in haste on important business, — and 
 the lady gets in, perfectly unconscious of the 
 fact that every one of her male fellow-passengers 
 feels that she has trespassed upon their good 
 feelings as men. The true lady, the nioment 
 she discovers that the stage is full, retires ; but 
 it is very rarely that she is not immediately 
 recalled by some one, who says he has' but a 
 short distance farther to go, or who will stand 
 outside, or who professes to be in no hurry, and 
 would just as lief walk as ride. When pains are 
 thus taken to make room for a lady, she should, 
 in most cases, accept the offered seat with an 
 expression of thanks, as, by so doing, she will 
 afford the person who tenders it far more pleasure 
 than if she were to decline the politeness. There 
 is often more lady-like feeling displayed in ac- 
 cepting an offered kindness, than in declining it. 
 It is not a little curious to see how these very 
 ladies, who expect so much from gentlemen, 
 seem to forget that any thing is due from them. 
 Who has not come to the door of an omnibus, 
 
144 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 one side of which had its complement of six, 
 while upon the other side four ladies had spread 
 themselves out, from end to end of the seat, not one 
 of whom would move an inch to make place for 
 another, who had an absolute right to a part they 
 were ungenerously occupying? It is usually a 
 matter of indifference whether the new passenger 
 be a lady or a gentleman; no offer of a seat is 
 made, and the passenger has to retire, while the 
 owners of the vehicle are wronged out of a por- 
 tion of their profits. 
 
 All these things are noticed in a moment by 
 gentlemen, and form subjects of remark among 
 them. Some, with more independent firmness 
 than others^, make it a rule never to yield their 
 rights to any woman who thus rudely demands a 
 deference to her convenience ; while to a true 
 lady they voluntarily render every attention, and 
 yield every preference. 
 
 Young ladies should, on entering society, 
 learn to think correctly, that they may act cor- 
 rectly, in all matters relating to their intercourse 
 with gentlemen. By always remembering that 
 they have no real title to a preference in every 
 thing, they will be sure to receive with a proper 
 feeling, and a proper acknowledgment of the 
 kindness, all polite attentions and preferences 
 that are accorded to them by the other sex. 
 
CHARACTER OF MALE VISITORS. 
 
 145 
 
 Instead of expecting to be always receiving 
 attentions from gentlemen, there should be an 
 efFort made to reciprocate kind offices in every 
 possible and proper way. The preference yield- 
 ed, the attention oifered, the generous self- 
 denial made for your comfort, at the same time 
 that it is accepted, should always be retained 
 with an air that shows that you feel it to be a 
 favor, and not a right to which you are entitled. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 CHARACTER OF THE MEN WHO ARE RECEIVED 
 AS VISITORS. 
 
 A YOUNG lady always has it in her power to 
 limit her visiting acquaintances to those whose 
 characters she fully approves. And this she 
 owes it to herself to do. 
 
 In forming an estimate of character, a young 
 lady will always find some difficulty, because she 
 must be ignorant of a young man's habits, if 
 bad, except so far as a knowledge of them hap- 
 pens to come to her through common report. 
 To a very considerable extent, however, the in- 
 13 
 
146 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 stinctive perceptions of a virtuous young woman 
 will materially aid her in forming an estimate of 
 the young men into whose society she is thrown. 
 If, from the first, the presence of any one is re- 
 pugnant to her, she will do well to avoid the 
 society of that person, no matter how persever- 
 ingly he may seek to gain her good opinion. 
 Around the mind of every one is a sphere of its 
 quality, as certainly as odor surrounds a flower; 
 and this quality is perceived in attractions or 
 repulsions, by all who are similar or dissimilar. 
 The good are instinctively drawn towards each 
 other, and so are the evil, without the real cause 
 coming into the mind's consciousness. The 
 quality of the affections, likewise, whether good 
 or evil, are expressed in the eye and on the face ; 
 and although we have no key to their interpreta- 
 tion, and cannot say, except in certain cases, 
 what the mind's true quality is, from what it 
 stamps upon the face, yet we have an instinctive 
 perception of it as good or evil, and are repelled 
 or attracted involuntarily. To her first impres- 
 sions of character, it will, therefore, always be 
 well for a young lady to pay great respect, and 
 always admit with caution any one who was at 
 first repugnant to a friendly relation. She who 
 will keep her mind pure, and carefully observe 
 and be guided by her first impressions of char- 
 
CHARACTER OF MALE VISITORS. 
 
 147 
 
 i t 
 
 acter, will not be in much danger of making the 
 acquaintance of young men of bad moral prin- 
 ciples. 
 
 But this test is not always practicable, and, 
 from many causes not necessary to be explained 
 here, not always to be relied upon. Nor will 
 the dislikes and prejudices of a young lady, as 
 they will be called, always be considered by her 
 friends sufficient reasons for her declining the 
 visits of certain young men who to them seem 
 very unexceptionable. 
 
 If she have brothers, their unfavorable opinion 
 of a young man, even if no allegations are made 
 against him, should generally be considered by 
 a young lady a sufficient reason for keeping him 
 at a distance. Her brothers have opportunities 
 of knowing more about young men than she pos- 
 sibly has ; for amongst young men, the habits 
 and principles of each other are pretty well 
 known., If she be in doubt, let her ask her 
 mother's opinion ; and sufficient evidence to 
 warrant a young man's encouragement or re- 
 pulsion as a visitor, will, in most cases, be soon 
 furnished. 
 
 When the character of a young man is known 
 to be bad, — if he have betrayed innocence, 
 or been guilty of any dishonorable act, — let 
 him not, on any consideration, be admitted to 
 
148 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 a visiting acquaintance, nor, even in public as- 
 semblies, noticed, except with coldness and for- 
 mality. His family connections, his education, 
 manners, polish, intelligence, or ability to enter- 
 tain, should be considered as nothing when put 
 in the scale against his evil principles, and the 
 irreparable wrong he has done in society. 
 
 It has always been a matter of surprise and 
 regret to the writer to s^e so different a custom 
 from this prevailing in society ; and he has often 
 been led to question the purity of mind of those 
 young girls who seemed so eager to gain the notice 
 and return the attentions of certain young men, 
 notorious for their want of virtue. Until women 
 themselves mark with appropriate condemnation 
 the known vicious conduct of young men, and 
 rigidly exclude all such from intimate intercourse 
 with them, they suffer the moral atmosphere 
 around them to remain in an unhealthy state ; 
 and its respiration, as a natural consequence, is 
 detrimental to all who breathe it. 
 
 One reason, and a most important one, why a 
 young lady should not admit to a friendly ac- 
 quaintance any young man whom she has not 
 the very best reasons for believing to be vir- 
 tuous and honorable, is this : The highest and 
 best, and therefore the happiest, social relation 
 is that of marriage. A young lady cannot visit 
 
CHARACTER OF MALE VISITORS. 
 
 149 
 
 young men for the purpose of making a selection 
 of a husband : she has to remain at home and 
 wait until some one chooses her out from all the 
 rest, ar)d asks her to become his partner through 
 life. This is a matter in which, although she 
 must remain passive, she is deeply and vitally 
 interested; and she cannot but desire that her 
 hand may be sought by one who has every 
 virtue written upon his heart. To accept or 
 reject an offer of marriage is always in her 
 power, and this right she should exercise with 
 deliberation, wisdom, and firmness. It will 
 almost always follow, that he who seeks her 
 hand will be of those who have been for a time 
 her visiting friends, and with whom she has been 
 on terms of more unrestrained intercourse than 
 with any others. Viewed in this light, the im- 
 portance of not admitting any but men of known 
 excellence of character as visiting friends will 
 be clearly seen ; for it may happen, that, if this 
 rule be not followed, the most unsuitable, be- 
 cause the most unprincipled of all, may be the 
 one who makes the offer of marriage ; and the 
 young woman thus addressed may be led, from 
 being flattered by the preference and dazzled by 
 a specious exterior, to forget or disbelieve the 
 common estimation in which he is every where 
 13* 
 
V 
 
 150 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 held, and accept an offer that may entail upon 
 her a lifetime of regrets, perhaps of misery. 
 
 It will, likewise, almost always happen that a 
 young lady will be judged of by the company she 
 keeps. A man of strict integrity and virtue will 
 be very apt to think lightly of any one at whose 
 house he meets a person that he knows to be bad, 
 especially if he seem to be on good terms there ; 
 and he will also be very apt to visit less fre- 
 quently than would otherwise be the case. 
 Thus, for want of sufficient firmness, it may be, 
 to repel the advances of a bad man, a young lady 
 may have to give up the benefits of the society 
 of a good man — a consequence that she should 
 be most careful to avoid. 
 
 In selecting from her casual acquaintances 
 those that she feels willing and desirous of ad- 
 mitting to the privilege of visiting her on terms 
 of social intimacy, a young lady should be care- 
 ful that brilliant qualities of mind, a cultivated 
 taste, and superior conversational powers, do not 
 overcome her virtuous repugnance to base prin- 
 ciples and a depraved life ; or cause her to forget 
 that these may exist under the most polished 
 exterior. Those who possess sterling qualities 
 of mind are not always as highly gifted as some- 
 other, and often, at first, seem very dull and very 
 uninteresting persons. Their silent and close 
 
CHARACTER OF MALE VISITORS. 
 
 151 
 
 observation of all that is passing around them 
 is not unfrequently mistaken for dulness, when, 
 at the very time this false estimation of them has 
 been formed, they have read thoroughly, and 
 without mistaking a letter, the whole characters 
 of those who had misjudged them. No matter 
 how well educated a young man may be, nor 
 how varied may be his powers of entertainment, 
 no young lady should permit him to visit her fa- 
 miliarly, if she have undoubted evidence of his 
 moral depravity. There is pollution in the very 
 atmosphere that surrounds him. The more 
 attractive his exterior, the more dangerous he 
 is as a companion for a young and inexperienced 
 girl, and the more likely to dazzle and bewilder 
 her mind, and give her false estimates of things 
 where true estimates are of the very first im- 
 portance. 
 
 A young lady who admits to her acquaintance 
 a v/ell-educated, polished, accomplished, but cold- 
 hearted, unprincipled man of the world, has 
 placed herself in a dangerous position. She is 
 no equal for such a one. He can, with a subtlety 
 almost beyond the power of her detection, change 
 her ordinary views of things, confuse her judg- 
 ment, and destroy her rational confidence in the 
 discriminating powers of her own mind; at the 
 same time that, by the most judicious and del- 
 
 
152 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 icately-offered flattery, he keeps her always in a 
 good opinion of herself. All this may be done 
 without his having any particular design in view. 
 He is fond of the company of ladies, and, while 
 with them, from the abundance of his heart will 
 utterance come forth. 
 
 In choosing her acquaintances, then, let a 
 young lady look to good sense, good taste, and 
 good principles, rather than to brilliancy of ex- 
 terior without these. In doing so, she will find 
 more upon which to base a true, improving, ele- 
 vating, and refining companionship, than if she 
 select from a different but more imposing class. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 
 
 As there is always danger of misunderstanding 
 what is meant by the particular attentions of 
 young men, it is best to attach no partic- 
 ular meaning to them whatever, but to hold the 
 mind in a state of rational equilibrium. If a 
 young girl do not think about marriage and a 
 lover, she wilf not be in much danger of misin- 
 
RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 
 
 153 
 
 terpreting either the words or manner of her 
 male acquaintances, nor will they be in much 
 danger of making mistakes as to the character of 
 her regard for them. 
 
 In the free, social intercourse of a young lady 
 with her friends of the other sex, the idea of 
 love, or a particular preference of one over the 
 other, should never be permitted to enter her 
 mind. She should look upon them as her intel- 
 ligent friends, and feel that their association was 
 for mutual advantage in elevating the mind, im- 
 proving the taste, and strengthening the moral 
 principles. 
 
 It will frequently happen, however, that some 
 of her acquaintances will be more marked in their 
 attentions than the rest, and, from the privilege 
 of being occasional visitors, seek to establish a 
 still more familiar and unreserved intercourse. 
 This will be shown, it may be, in the offer of 
 presents, and in invitations to attend balls, the 
 theatre, a concert, or some other place of public 
 resort. In regard to presents, a lady of much 
 good sense and true discernment has thus 
 written : " Accepting presents from gentlemen 
 is a dangerous thing. Some men conclude from 
 your taking one gift that you will accept another, 
 and think themselves encouraged by it to offer 
 their hearts to you ; but, even when no misap- 
 
154 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 prehension of this kind follows, it is better to 
 avoid every such obligation ; and, if you make it 
 a general rule never to accept a present from a 
 gentleman, you will avoid hurting any one's 
 feelings, and save yourself from all further per- 
 plexity. Where ladies are known to be in the 
 habit of refusing presents, and yet are objects of 
 great admiration and devotion, they will often 
 receive anonymous gifts, which it is impossible 
 to elude. When this is the case, it is a good 
 way to put them by, out of sight, and never to 
 mention them. The pleasure of seeing them on 
 your table, and hearing them talked about, and 
 the donor's name speculated upon, is often suf- 
 ficient to induce a repetition of the anonymous 
 deed, or an acknowledgment of it, which is very 
 embarrassing, as you must either break your 
 rule, or hurt the feelings of the donor. Of all 
 the votive offerings made to the young and the 
 fair, flowers are the most beautiful and most 
 unexceptionable. Where it is the fashion for 
 gentlemen to present bouquets to their female 
 friends, so many are given that it seems more 
 like a tribute to the sex, than a mark of partic- 
 ular regard, and their perishable nature exempts 
 
 j them from the ban put upon more enduring ' 
 
 memorials. You can accept and wear flowers 
 
 without committing yourself, and to refuse them 
 
RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 155 
 
 would be unnecessary rigor. If any peculiar 
 circumstance make you desirous of distancing a 
 gentleman, you can take the flowers without 
 wearing them." 
 
 In regard to invitations from young men to go 
 with them to places of public amusement, we 
 think, as a general rule, they should be declined. 
 And this for several reasons. We do not believe 
 any young lady should appear at a ball, the 
 theatre, or concert, except in company with her 
 parents, brother, cousin, or some very intimate 
 friend of the family, unless she be under engage- 
 ment of marriage, and then her lover becomes 
 her legitimate protector and companion. In the 
 first place, to accept of such attentions would be 
 for a young lady to lay herself under an obliga- 
 tion that might, at some after period, be very 
 embarrassing, or so interfere with her feelings 
 of independence, as to make it difficult for her 
 to act towards an individual, who had thus sought 
 to gratify her, as both feeling and judgment dic- 
 tated; and in the second place, her thus ap- 
 pearing in public with a young man known not 
 to be an intimate friend of the family, would 
 naturally give rise to the belief that she enter- 
 tained for him a preference that did not exist, 
 and thus place her in a false light in the eyes of 
 her acquaintances; and this would more cer- 
 
156 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 tainly be the case, if some other friend, whose 
 invitation she felt compelled to decline, were to 
 offer a like attention. 
 
 If a young lady is fond of riding on horseback, 
 and among her male acquaintances are those 
 who are equally fond of the healthful exercise, 
 there will be no impropriety in her accepting an 
 invitation to ride, if one or more young ladies 
 are to be of the company. But, in doing so, she 
 should make it a rule always to have the horse 
 she is to ride ordered from the stable by a ser- 
 vant, at her own or father's expense. It may so 
 happen that the circumstances of a young lady's 
 family are such, that the hire of a horse, even 
 occasionally, is a matter of outlay that cannot 
 be afforded. Where this is the case, she ought 
 by all means to deny herself the gratification of 
 riding out, rather than permit any 3^oung man, not 
 her accepted lover, to bear the expense. 
 
 We need hardly refer to the outrageous want 
 of all decent respect for herself, that would 
 prompt a young lady to invite, by adroit ref- 
 erences to an approaching concert, or to her 
 extreme fondness for horseback exercise, a 
 young man to be at the cost of gratifying the 
 desire she feels to participate in these, or in any 
 other pleasures. And yet such things are of 
 too frequent occurrence, and among those who 
 
RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 
 
 157 
 
 ought to have much better sense, and more mod- 
 esty, than to even desire to be the companions of 
 young men not entitled to the privilege, on such 
 occasions. Those who do it gain the pleasure 
 of present gratification at the expense of dimin- 
 ished respect in the eyes of the very men who 
 seemed to take so much delight in obliging them. 
 But little flattered would a young lady, who had 
 been guilty of so flagrant a violation of good 
 sense, good manners, and politeness, feel, to 
 overhear a conversation like this : — 
 
 " Didn't I see you at Hertz's concert with 
 Caroline T ? " 
 
 *'Yes." 
 
 *' How in the world came you to have that 
 honor ? " 
 
 The young man addressed shrugs his shoul- 
 ders and arches his eyebrows, but makes no 
 reply. 
 
 "How was it, Harry? Tell me! I had no 
 idea of your being particularly taken in that 
 quarter." 
 
 '* Nor am I very much taken. The fact is, I 
 couldn't help myself" 
 
 ''Indeed!" 
 
 " No, the gypsy asked me to take her, and 1 
 couldn't refuse, of course." 
 / 14 
 
IdS 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 " O, no, Harry ! That can't be. Caroline 
 T would hardly do that." 
 
 " She could, and she did. Not, it is true, in 
 so many words; but she talked about Hertz in 
 such a way that she left nie no alternative but to 
 ask her if I should not have the pleasure of 
 accompanying her to his concert. I was in 
 hopes she would have the good taste, on reflec- 
 tion, to decline ; but no, she took me up on the 
 spot ; and I was compelled to go with her, and 
 leave my sister Jane, who is almost dying to hear 
 this great performer, at home." 
 
 " Is it possible ! Why, I never heard of such 
 a thing. The girl cannot have a particle of 
 respect for herself" 
 
 " If she has, it is a very strange kind of re- 
 spect. I wonder whom she will get to take her 
 to Sivori's concert. She alluded to him two or 
 three times, but couldn't make me understand 
 her. Suppose you invite her to go." 
 
 " O, no, I thank you. I'd rather be excused. 
 I'm not at all ambitious of the honor." 
 
 "Nor I. The next time I am in her com- 
 pany, and any allusion is made to an approaching 
 concert, I will change the subject." 
 
 But little flattered, we repeat, would any 
 young lady feel to overhear a conversation like 
 
RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 159 
 
 this, of which she was the subject ; and yet this 
 is precisely the light in which conduct such as 
 we now allude to is viewed, und young men do 
 not hesitate to speak of it, among each other, in 
 even stronger terms than we have given. 
 
 Before a young lady reaches the age of twenty 
 years, she should, as a general rule, discourage 
 all particular attentions from young men, and en- 
 deavor to hold her mind as balanced and inde- 
 pendent in regard to all her male acquaintances as 
 possible. The subject of marriage, except as an 
 abstract question upon which certain opinions are 
 held, should never be*allovved to come up when 
 thinking of, or in company with, her young friends 
 and acquaintances. To have a lover before she is 
 twenty, is, in most cases, a misfortune for a young 
 girl. In nine cases out of ten, this lover is not 
 the one that would be accepted if the affections 
 were free at twenty or twenty-one. The love of 
 boys and girls is never founded upon a true basis, 
 but is merely the offspring of blind passion. It 
 may turn out well. The parties, when their minds 
 expand, and they become men and women, may 
 be exactly suited to each other ; but the chances 
 are altogether against it. Nor is the love of a 
 man, whose mind has attained maturity, for a 
 girl who is still too young to accept wisely an offer 
 of marriage, a love that promises happiness as 
 
160 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES, 
 
 the fruit. He cannot know her as a man ought 
 to know the woman who becomes his wife, nor 
 can she possibly know him as a woman ought to 
 know the man she marries. Viewing the matter, 
 then, in any light you please, the acceptance of a 
 lover before twenty involves a great risk. 
 
 If to accept a lover before this age be, then, a 
 hazardous thing, the permission of any marked 
 attentions from any particular young man is un- 
 wise. Better treat all alike, and endeavor to feel 
 for all alike; that is, as nearly as it can be done. 
 Of course there must and will be preferences; 
 but let these be the preferences of your taste and 
 judgment, not of your heart. Thus, holding your 
 affections free at this most important age, when 
 the mind is first looking out intelligently upon 
 the world, you will acquire a clearness of mental 
 vision, a power of discrimination, and an insight 
 into character, otherwise unattainable. But, if 
 you permit yourself to fall in love, the balance of 
 your mind is gone ; you see nothing, you hear noth- 
 ing, you feel nothing, that does not in some way 
 connect itself with the object of your affections. 
 All improvement of the mind ceases; the judg- 
 ment, not yet arrived at its full stature, ceases to 
 grow, and hardens into a diminutive form ; your 
 powers of discrimination expand no farther. You 
 stop where you are, and rarely, if ever, make a 
 
EARLY MARRIAGES. 
 
 161 
 
 woman whos^ influence in society is beneficially 
 perceived. This is blind love — a very different 
 thing from the strong, deep, intelligent affection 
 of a true woman. How any man can be satisfied 
 with the immature love of a silly young girl is be- 
 yond our conception. Indeed, we do not believe, 
 as a general thina, that a man who is thus satisfied 
 is worthy of the affections he seeks to gain. 
 
 CHAPTER XVH. 
 
 EARLY MARRIAGES. 
 
 On the subject of early marriages, a diversity 
 of opinions prevails ; and they generally vibrate, 
 like the pendulum of a clock, from one extreme 
 to the other. A young lady will hear some one 
 strongly advocate early marriages to-day, and 
 to-morrow hear an opposite opinion advanced and 
 vigorously maintained. It is but rarely the case 
 that those who enter into these discussions really 
 understand the subject of marriage, and therefore 
 cannot declare what is absolutely true on this 
 disputed question. And, besides, what one 
 means by early marriage is a different thing from 
 14* . 
 
-i! 
 
 162 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 what another means. In most cases, these opin- 
 ions are based upon the evil or good that has 
 happened to result from what are considered 
 early marriages, in instances that have fallen 
 under the notice of those who adVocate or con- 
 demn, instead of flowing from a knowledge of 
 the true laws that ought to govern in marriage. 
 
 The writer is an advocate of early marriages 
 between men and women — not between boys 
 and girls. That which makes man truly a man, 
 and woman truly a woman, is rationality — not 
 the legal age. Freedom from the restraints of 
 youth, and an acquirement of the legal rights of 
 majority, are very far from giving this. It comes 
 from experience, to which have been added think- 
 incr and observation. Nothincr is seen in its true 
 aspect when we first enter upon life ; and it is 
 only after our judgments have been matured by 
 a few years of experience, that we can really see 
 things around us in their true relation one to the 
 other. A few years, too, makes us see not only 
 deeper into what is without us, but also into 
 what is within us ; and scarcely a month of this 
 period passes without our being led to correct 
 some error or misconception into which we had 
 fallen. If, during this period, mistakes are con- 
 stantly made in matters of trivial importance, what 
 security is there that a mistake will not be made 
 
EARLY MARRIAGES. 
 
 163 
 
 in that most important of all the acts of a wo- 
 man's life — marriage? There is none, and the 
 fact that the saddest possible mistakes aro made 
 almost every day, ought to warn, if proper reflec- 
 tion will not, a young lady against the error of 
 permitting her affections to be drawn out before 
 at least two years have passed from the time of 
 her leaving school as a young woman. Usually, 
 she has it in her power to do this. 
 
 Marriage from the age of twenty to twenty- 
 two or three, we think an early marriage for a 
 woman, and believe that evils almost always arise 
 from an earlier consummation of a marriage con- 
 tract. Mr. Combe is of opinion, " that many 
 young people of both sexes fall sacrifices to early 
 marriages, who might have withstood the ordinary 
 risks of life, and lived together in happiness, if 
 they had delayed their union for a few years, and 
 allowed time for the consolidation of their consti- 
 tutions." And this must strike every reflecting 
 mind as true, without the necessity of looking 
 round to see the hundreds of young mothers with 
 shattered constitutions, lingering over the grave, 
 or sinking down into its chilling precincts. 
 Neither physical nor mental health can follow a 
 marriage that takes place too early. It is almost 
 impossible to make a right choice, and the consti- 
 
164 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 tutioii is not well enough formed to bear the 
 great physical changes that usually occur. 
 
 If^oun^ ladies would learn to think above the 
 fact of marriaore, and not consider it a state in 
 which they were merely to find the highest possi- 
 ble delight attainable on earth, but a state in 
 which they could be most useful, and impart 
 blessings and dispense happiness to otherSj they, 
 would not rush so thoughtlessly into this impor- 
 tant relation, but would be very sure that what 
 Hiey loved in another was really worth loving^ 
 and til at fhey were loved in return for their men- 
 tal and m(^al qualities, aiid not .merely for their 
 persgn. 
 
 I'rue love — that which abides — has its founda- 
 tion in a knowledge and appreciation of moral 
 qualities. These cannot be known without the 
 power of discerning them, and this power is 
 not sufficiently developed, in very young persons, 
 to enable them to decide upc^ the fitness of 
 another to becom.e a wife or a husband. Fam- 
 ily connections, talents, beauty of person, and 
 exterior grace, may all be decided upon ; but 
 other qualifications are required — without which 
 marriage is only an external union — that call for 
 a deeper discrimination than any one possesses in 
 the first years of his or her majority. 
 
 Too early marriages, from the causes briefly 
 
EARLY MARRIAGE. 
 
 165 
 
 alluded to here, are productive of much unhappi- 
 ness. From their bewildering dream, a young 
 couple, who have unwisely rushed into marriage 
 before either of them was old enough really to 
 understand what love meant, not unfrequently 
 awake, in the course of a very short time, to the 
 painful consciousness that they have wedded 
 unwisely. If in the mind of each is a ground- 
 work of good sense and good feeling, the conse- 
 quences may not be so very bad, although 
 through life there will be times when each will 
 deeply and sadly regret their early act of folly. 
 But in numerous cases, either in one or the other, 
 there exists a peculiarity of temperament that 
 entirely mars the happiness of both. Open dis- 
 agreements or secret bickerings turn the holy 
 and happy state of marriage into a condition of 
 inexpressible misery, the larger share of which 
 usually falls upon the head of the one least 
 able to bear it — the wife. Or actual hatred 
 of one towards the other is engendered, and they 
 are driven asunder, and stand in socj^ety as the 
 disfigured and disfiguring mementoes of the folly 
 of a too percipitate marriage. 
 
 When, however, a young lady has reached the 
 age we have named, and a man, known to be 
 virtuous and honorable, has formally offered 
 her his hand, and been accepted, the marriage 
 
166 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 ought not long to be delayed, if no impediment 
 exist, such as inability on the part of the young 
 man to support a wife. 
 
 Among the reasons that have been urged 
 against a young lady's contracting marriage im- 
 mediately^ is the following by Mrs. Farrar, whicS 
 is well worth considering. She says, " The 
 married school-girl deprives herself of a most 
 delightful and'useful stage in her existence — that 
 of a grown-up daughter, maturing under the eye 
 of a mother, and the influence of a home circle, 
 ivltTi time enough for mental culturCj and a use- 
 ful experience of domestic affairs, without the 
 care" which belongs to the inistress of a family. 
 i She loses all the varied pleasures of a young 
 
 lady, and skips at once from childhood to mar- 
 ried life. Early marriage also prevents the liter- 
 ary education ofli'girt being carried far enougH 
 for it to go forward easily, amid the cares of a 
 family, and therefore it oftjea^e^sgs^ altogether ; 
 in a few years, she loses what little she acg^uired 
 at school^ and degenerates into ^a mere house- 
 keeper and nurse." * * * <« I would fain 
 l)ene\^e"that I am writing for a class of ladies-too 
 young to need much advice upon that, [love and 
 marriage;] and though I occasionally hear of 
 school-girls whd forfeit the privileges and pleas- 
 ures of being grown-up young ladies, and jump 
 
 o .-, 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 167 
 
 at once into the cares of married life, I trust 
 that increased knowledge and wisdom, on the 
 part of the young and old, will prevent such im- 
 mature marriages, and give women an opportu- 
 nity of being more fully developed in body and 
 mind, before they subject either to the severe 
 trials which belong to wives and mothers " 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 MARRIAGE. 
 
 This is a subject upon which a great deal has 
 been written and a great deal thought : but the 
 world is yet very slow in perceiving and adopting 
 what is true in relation to it; and such will con- 
 tinue to be the case until this important law is 
 clearly understood and acknowledged, viz. : that 
 the end for which a thing is done gives quality 
 to the act. Whoever marries without having 
 
 o 
 
 just ideas of so important a relation, runs great 
 danger of committing an error that will render 
 turbid for life all the well-springs of her happi- 
 ness. This being the case, we ask of our fair 
 young friends to consider deeply what we shall 
 
168 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 say in this chapter, and endeavor to comprehend 
 it fully. 
 
 The law just stated — that the end for which a 
 thing is done qualifies the act — is one that ap- 
 plies with particular force to marriage. Marriage 
 is a divine institution, ordained for the highest 
 purposes; and a marriage contract between two 
 persons is the most important and solemn act of 
 their whole lives ; for it not only effects a change 
 in things outward, but also in things appertaining 
 to the spirit, for it brings into a relationship the 
 most intimate possible two minds, that, if they do 
 not harmonize, must act upon and react against 
 each other with a disturbing force that neces- 
 sarily precludes the soul's true development and 
 perfection. Now. unless the end for which a 
 marriage contract is formed be a right end, the 
 marriage cannot be a happy one ; and just in 
 the degree that the end has been selfish, and 
 has regarded things external, as wealth, con- 
 nections, beauty, or other mere personal attrac- 
 tions, so far will unhappiness be the result. 
 
 To make this plainly apparent, let us suppose 
 that a young lady is attracted by the brilliant 
 talents of, the man who addresses her, and that 
 he is more attracted by her beauty of person, or 
 the Wealth she inherits, than by her virtues. 
 Now, both of these reasons for loving (we should 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 169 
 
 rather say for a preference, for there is no love 
 in the question) are merely selfish. The lady 
 does not desire a union with the man because 
 she loves the moral perfections of his character, 
 and seeks to become one with him; but her pride, 
 overshadowing all such holy considerations, 
 seeks to unite her name with his that she may 
 stand higher in the world's estimation. That 
 this is so will be plain to any one who will think 
 calmly on the subject. On the other hand, the 
 man does not seek a union with her because 
 he regards marriage with a high and sacred 
 regard, as a means whereby a pure, virtuous, and 
 loving spirit may become blended as one with his 
 own, and both be more perfected by the union ; 
 he does not love her because she imbodies the 
 very virtues and perfections that seem purest and 
 best in his eyes. No ! He wants more money 
 than he has yet been able to possess, and, loving 
 money better than any thing else, he takes her 
 because she has enough of this valuable com- 
 modity to satisfy to some extent his cupidity. 
 Or, having an admiration for beauty, and vanity 
 enough to consider the eclat attached to a beau- 
 tiful wife as something desirable, he is guided in 
 his choice by beauty alone, unregardful of the 
 more important qualifications necessary to make 
 a woman his true and loving companion. 
 15 
 
170 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 Here, it will be seen that the end which each 
 had in view has given quality to the act of each. 
 The choice has been made to rest on external 
 considerations alone, and must be productive of 
 disappointment and consequent unhappiness. It 
 will take but a short time for the lady to make 
 the sad discovery, that the brilliant reputation of 
 her husband is no compensation for a morose 
 temper, a love of dissipation, indifference to 
 his wife, captiousness, want of principle, or, even 
 worse, infidelity. Nor will it take him long to 
 tire of her beauty, or to discover that, now he 
 has full possession of her property, her person is 
 of little value. 
 
 This is presenting an extreme case ; yet such 
 are every day occurring. In most cases of mar- 
 riage, even when selfish considerations like these 
 are predominant, there is yet in the parties suffi- 
 cient good sense to be aware that indifference to 
 qualities of mind is an error that might prove 
 fatal to happiness ; and therefore th&y are careful 
 to see that in those who possess the main pre- 
 requisites, there are no faults or peculiarities of 
 character that could not well be borne. These 
 marriages prove unhappy just in the degree that 
 the leading end was of a selfish and external char- 
 acter ; but the good sense that prompted some 
 regard to qualities of mind, shows itself after- 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 171 
 
 wards in an effort to make the very best of a bad 
 bargain. Although the parties never know, by 
 experience, what trae felicity flows from a true 
 marriage, they, nevertheless, in most cases, man- 
 age to get along as comfortably as possible, and 
 avoid, as far as it can be done, all bickerings and 
 collisions, for the sake of peace, their reputation, 
 or their children. 
 
 But, where qualities of mind are considered 
 the first essential of marriage, and where it is 
 entered into with all external things regarded as 
 subordinate, from a pure love of the moral beauty 
 of the one with whom a union is about to be 
 formed, happiness must flow as a natural conse- 
 quence. This result, however, carmot follow, 
 unless both be influenced by right ends ; and it 
 is, therefore, of as much consequence to a 
 young lady, that he who seeks her hand should 
 do so from right motives, as that she should 
 accept him from right motives. To be as well 
 assured of the purity of her lover's ends as 
 her own, she will find to be a matter of some 
 difficulty. But, until all reasonable doubts on 
 the subject- are removed, she should hesitate 
 about accepting his offer of marriage; for to do 
 so would be running a risk greater than any 
 young lady should incur. If, from evidence 
 not to be questioned, a young lady is fully 
 
172 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 satisfied that only for her wealth, connections^ 
 beauty, accpmpHshmeritSj or personal attractions, 
 and not for something within her which is loved 
 independent of these, her hand is sought in mar- 
 riage, she should reject the overture at no matter 
 what cost of feeling to herself; for this will be 
 a slight thing indeed, compared to the suffering 
 which such a marriage might entail upon her. 
 All these are unstable attractions; but qualities 
 of mind are enduring, and grow brighter and in- 
 crease in power with the lapse of years. And 
 besides, what woman of right feeling would think 
 of accepting a man who did not love her, but 
 was only induced to offer his heartless hand in 
 marriage, in order that he might gain something 
 from the union more desirable to his sordid 
 feelings than the devotion of a pure and loving 
 heart ? 
 
 In many of the high-wrought and unnatural 
 fictions of the day, which are the offspring of 
 perverted and impure minds, or of such as are 
 really ignorant of what love is in its essence and 
 true activity, we often find an innocent and pure- 
 minded woman represented as loving, with a de- 
 votion little less than idolatry, a man whose heart 
 teems with evil passions, and whose life is little 
 else than one act after another of vice, brutality, 
 and crime. All his neglect, outrage, and passion, 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 173 
 
 slie bears with meek endurance, loving on with a 
 deeper and more fervent love ; and she is, in most 
 cases, at last rewarded by a union with one from 
 whom such a woman as she is said to be, would 
 slirink in disgust and horror. This union is 
 represented as the high reward of her devotion, 
 and the writer generally has the unblushing 
 effrontery to tell us that she is supremely happy. 
 As well could an angel be happy in the arms of 
 a spirit from the bottomless pit ! It is all false ! 
 Such things never take place as represented. 
 A woman may love, with the wild passions of an 
 impure heart, a bold, bad man, whose brilliant qual- 
 ities iiave dazzled her imagination, and caused 
 it to gloss over his evils and magnify what she is 
 pleased to call his generous qualities ; she may 
 be true to him, amid neglect, outrage, and 
 wrong, and she may at last receive her reward, 
 and become his wife. But we can neither ad- 
 mire her fidelity nor rejoice in her reward, for 
 we know that happiness will not result from her 
 marriage, but that her last days will be the most 
 wretched of her life. A right-minded woman — 
 one with a pure heart and a clear head — would 
 rather shrink from than be attracted by such a 
 man. 
 
 These pictures, set forth often in the most 
 brilliant and attractive colors, do much to mis- 
 
174 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 lead the young, and give them false views on a 
 subject in regard to which every thing depends 
 upon their having the clearest perceptions. The 
 heroine is admired, and her constancy and devo- 
 tion believed to be virtues of the highest order, 
 and worthy of imitation, when she is but too 
 often the mere false creation of a corrupt mind, 
 and has no counterpart in real life, because she 
 cannot have. From this fault even our best 
 novelists are not wholly free. 
 
 True love is not a wild, strong, fiery, impetu- 
 ous passion. It is, on the contrary, calm, deep, 
 and clear-seeing. It is attracted by qualities 
 alone, and in search of these it looks through all 
 that is merely external, at the same time that it 
 sees in external things the images of things in- 
 ternal. There may be faults of character, there 
 may be external defects, there may be much 
 wanting to give perfection to its object ; but if 
 the ruling ends be right, and if there be nothing 
 in external things to mar and destroy the true 
 development of what is within, and if, in addi- 
 tion to all this, there be that mysterious attraction 
 of heart for heart which comes from above, and 
 guides all aright who will wait for and be guided 
 by its heavenly influences, then it finds its blest 
 fruition, but not till then. It is mere passion 
 that loves blindly and irrationally; but true love 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 175 
 
 is wise and discriminating, and its devotion more 
 real and lasting. 
 
 Marriage without such love is no marriage at 
 all. It is merely an external union, from external 
 grounds, and cannot be expected to, as it never 
 does, yield any true happiness. Where no posi- 
 tively bad qualities exist in those who have con- 
 tracted marriage from mere external considera- 
 tions, it not unfrequently happens that the par- 
 ties lead quiet and orderly lives, and seem to 
 enjoy themselves very well, and imagine that they 
 have all the pleasures attainable in the conjugal 
 state. But they are more in error than they 
 imagine. 
 
 In the chapter on the " Equality of the Sexes," 
 something of the real difference between man 
 and woman was shown ; and we there called that 
 difference a "uniting difference." In the ori- 
 ginal creation of the sexes, God designed that a 
 union should take place between them, and so 
 organized them, spiritually, that such a union 
 must take place, or both would be imperfect, and 
 consequently unhappy ; and the existence of the 
 human race itself was made to depend upon this 
 union. Marriage is, therefore, of divine ordina- 
 tion, and can never be entered into properly, 
 except from the purest and the highest motives. 
 
 But enough has been said, we would fain be- 
 
176 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 lieve, to make any young lady see the importance 
 of being governed by right ends in a matter in- 
 volving so deeply as this does her best and dear- 
 est interests. 
 
 As to the giving of any particular rules by 
 which a young lady is to square her conduct in 
 matters of the heart, we neither feel inclined to 
 the task nor competent to perform it. Our lead- 
 ing object is, to give such general principles as 
 w^ill enable each one for herself to decide upon a 
 right course of action in a matter that is fraught 
 with consequences of such vital importance. If 
 a young lady have correct views on the subject 
 of marriage, she will not be in much danger 
 of committing any serious error. We would, 
 however, say, that in all cases the mother ought 
 to be fully advised of the state of her daughter's 
 affections. This is due to her relation, her ex- 
 perience, and her deep and unselfish love for her 
 child. Many a young girl, who has fully con- 
 fided every thing to her mother, has been saved 
 from blindly loving one who had been able to 
 mislead her as to his true character, but could 
 not deceive the mother. 
 
 When an offer of marriage is made, whether it 
 come unexpectedly or not, it should neither be 
 accepted nor rejected by a young lady without 
 time for reflection, and a reference of the matter 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 177 
 
 to her parents, or, if they be not living, to some 
 friend whose age and experience give her the 
 position of a sound adviser. If the person who 
 makes the offer is not considered by the young 
 lad^as^a suit able partner, let her firuAy decline 
 hmT, no matter how sbon^lj TieJ 'paF^^ 
 fnendTlTrge a different course. If, on the con- 
 trary^ she approve and they object, let her se- 
 riously consider the grouad of their objections, 
 and if they stand against his moral character, 
 and are undoubtedly true, let her, as she values 
 their happiness, respect their objections. But if 
 they are merely extrinsic, and do not touch his 
 character and personal fitness to make her hap- 
 py, and she is calmly and deeply conscious of 
 loving him with a pure, fervent, and undying love, 
 that has its origin in a knowledge and regard for 
 his moral excellences, let her not reject his offer. 
 The objections of her parents will be a good 
 reason for her not c(t once accepting the offer ; but 
 this reason she should state to her lover, and both 
 should be content to wait patiently, if it be even 
 as long as one or two years, in the hope of over- 
 coming the prejudices that exist, before deter- 
 mining to marry against the wishes of her friends. 
 This deference to their objections may have the 
 effect of overcoming them, and the marriage be 
 allowed to take place with their fullest sanction, 
 
178 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 without which, no matter how much she may 
 love her husband, nor how worthy he may be of 
 her love, a wife can never be truly happy. 
 
 As to runaway matches, they usually turn out 
 the worst. Of course, there are many exceptions 
 to this ; but, as a general thing, where parents 
 positively forbid their daughter to keep company 
 with a young man, there are pretty good reasons 
 for it ; and if the daughter be mad enough, in a 
 moment of passion, to run away with and marry 
 him, she generally has cause, in a few years, 
 bitterly to repent her folly. It is much better to 
 wait a long time, in the hope of Overcoming ob- 
 jections, than to take this rash and generally im- 
 prudent step. 
 
 The position of an heiress is almost always a 
 difficult and dangerous one. There are a great 
 many unprincipled men in the world, who seek 
 to better their fortunes by marriage, and who are 
 constantly on the look-out for some rich young 
 girl, whose affections they can win, and thus 
 acquire a fortune without the labor of making it 
 themselves. Some of these persons cultivate 
 every exterior grace of body and mind, with no 
 other end than to make themselves attractive in 
 the eyes of the other sex, and render more cer- 
 tain any conquest that may seem to them worth 
 makingr. To fall a victim to the heartless en- 
 
irARRIAGE. 
 
 179 
 
 ticenients of such a man, would be, for any right- 
 minded young woman, a sad misfortune ; for hap- 
 piness could not follow her union with him. And 
 it is not to be concealed that her danger is very 
 great. Money is so convenient and desirable a 
 thing, and the att?inment of it by marriage so 
 much easier than earning it, that in a day when 
 there is so little true appreciation of marriage as 
 a divine and holy ordinance, instituted for the 
 highest purposes by the Creator, as there is at 
 present, the temptation for young men to seek for 
 wealth in a union with some one who possesses 
 it, is very great. The utterly unprincipled are 
 not alone those whose regard for a young girl is 
 greatly biased by the amount of her father's 
 fortune, or the income she may hold in her own 
 right. So absorbing is the universal desire for 
 money, and so much in the habit is almost every 
 one of looking at it as the greatest good, and of 
 seeking it rather as an end than as a means of 
 usefulness, that even those who, in the ordinary 
 matters of life, are governed by the best of mo- 
 tives, are apt to think money a virtue indispen- 
 sable in a wife, and suffer themselves to be m- 
 fluenced in their choice by the grovelling and 
 disgraceful consideration of dollars and cents. 
 
 As the end for which marriage is contracted 
 will inevitably qualify the union, and bring un- 
 
180 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 happiness just in the degree that the end selfishly 
 regards external things, it is not difficult to per- 
 ceive that, if a young lady's money have bfeen the 
 principal virtue in the eyes of her lover, a mar- 
 riage with him must result in disappointment, 
 and, perhaps, in the most heartfelt misery. One, 
 therefore, who has the misfortune (shall we say?) 
 to inherit riches, needs to be more watchful than 
 any other, lest her hand be yielded to one who 
 thinks more of her wealth than of her person and 
 virtues. She will be in less danger from accept- 
 ing the hand of one, born, like herself, to the 
 possession of wealth, if he be virtuous, high- 
 minded, and actively engaged in some useful 
 employment as a professional man, or merchant, 
 than in accepting the hand of one whose exter- 
 nal condition is unequal to her own. In the 
 former case, tastes, habits, and social relations, 
 will be more equal, and the chances of happi- 
 ness much more in her favor. But, if she be- 
 lieve herself to be sincerely loved for herself ii 
 alone, by one who possesses intelligence, manly 
 virtue, and tastes that harmonize with her own, 
 and she truly and sincerely love him in return, 
 let her accept the offer of his hand, even if he 
 have not a tithe of the wealth that has fallen to 
 her lot. 
 
 In marriage there. should always exist a har- 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 181 
 
 monizing equality in intellect, education, taste, 
 and habits of thinking. No woman should ever 
 accept the hand of a man of weaker intellect 
 and grosser tastes than herself; for a union with 
 him would be an unnatural one. Man, as we 
 have shown, is characterized by intellect and 
 woman by affection ; and a true marriage never 
 takes place unless where a woman can love the 
 moral wisdom of her husband ; and this she can- 
 not do if his intelligence and moral perceptions 
 be inferior to her own. This is self-evident. 
 We often see a woman of fine mind married to 
 a man who is altogether her inferior in educa- 
 tion, taste, refinement, good sense, and strength 
 of intellect; and in such cases we always per- 
 ceive sad evidences enough that by both the 
 union is felt to be an unequal one ; and often the 
 yoke that binds her to her companion is plainly 
 enough seeii to be deeply galling. Men of 
 inferior minds are usually attracted by a woman 
 of brilliant talents ; and, strangely enough, women 
 of this class are too apt to unite their fortunes 
 with them, — in too many instances, it is feared, 
 on account of the mere external advantages that 
 such a union will give them. But dearly enough 
 do they usually pay for their unnatural folly. 
 
 All genuine love is founded upon respect. No 
 woman can have the kind of respect for a man who 
 16 
 
182 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 is inferior to herself upon which love is founded 
 and therefore no woman can truly love a man 
 who is her inferior in mental and moral endow- 
 ments. If she cannot truly love him, she cannot 
 be happy with him; and to marry him can only 
 be an act of folly and madness. 
 
 Similarity of religious faith should also be 
 considered indispensable. Where there is a 
 regard for religion, it forms the central idea in 
 the mind ; and a difference on a matter of so 
 much importance cannot fail, at some time or 
 other, to producer a jar of discord. It may not 
 come until the interests of children are to be 
 regarded, when one or the other will have to 
 yield in a matter involving principles felt to be 
 of the most vital importance. Who shall yield ? 
 Can the mother, in conscience, .consent to have 
 her children instructed in doctrines that she 
 believes will lead them far away into the mazes 
 of err6r, and endanger their best and highest 
 interests? Can the father believe a system of 
 religion to be true, and not teach it to his chil- 
 dren ? Will he not be deeply culpable if he neg- 
 lect to do so? Here there can be no neutral 
 ground, no yielding on the part of either, if 
 both be equally well convinced of the importance 
 of giving their children early religious instruc' 
 tion. Painfully embarrassing, indeed, is the con- 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 183 
 
 dition of parents thus situated, and sad are the 
 results that too often flow therefrom. 
 
 If what we have alleged in regard to marriage 
 be really so, as we certainly believe it to be, 
 then true internal marriage cannot take place 
 between those who think differently in matters of 
 religion. A man is truly a man by virtue of his 
 ability to grow wise, and the true internal union 
 which takes place between a husband and wife, 
 is in her love of his wisdom and his love of her, 
 because she is the love of his wisdom, or of 
 those things that his intellect -sees to be wisdom, 
 and which he, by a life corresponding thereto, 
 acquires to himself. By wisdom is not here 
 meant mere knowledge of things, as of natural 
 sciences. A man may possess the most extended 
 knowledge, and yet not be truly wise. A wise 
 man is a just man, and regards the good of all. 
 He not only sees what is true, but he conforms 
 his life to the truth. He seeks to gain all knowl- 
 edge within his ability to acquire, in order that 
 he may be useful to his fellow-man. Now, it is 
 this kind of wisdom in a man that a woman truly 
 loves in a true marriage relation; and this is 
 what conjoins them — this is what makes their 
 union an internal one. And, if this be so, how 
 is it possible for a woman to love her husband's 
 wisdom, if, at the very outset, she cannot believe 
 
184 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 with him in the most vital thing that concerns 
 them — religion 1 Instead of internal union, 
 there must exist internal discord. How can she 
 respect his intelligence, when in a matter so 
 plain to her he cannot see any thing but error 1 
 How can he love the reflection of his own intel- 
 ligence and wisdom in her, when no such reflec- 
 tion is given 1 
 
 If this be not plain to any one, let her consider 
 well what has been said in regard to the religious 
 education of children, and see in that a sufficient 
 reason for making a similarity of faith an indis- 
 pensable thing in the man she consents to marry. 
 
 JMuch more could be said on the very impor- 
 tant subject of marriage; but the limit of this 
 work will not admit of our dwelling upon it any 
 longer. From what we have set forth, almost 
 any one may deduce rules of action for her own 
 government ; and by strictly obeying them, she 
 will save herself from the wretchedness of a 
 marriage based upon false instead of true 
 principles. 
 
THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. 
 
 185 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. 
 
 Happy beyond expression in finding herself the 
 wedded wife of the man in whom are centred, 
 she would fain believe, all the virtues of his sex, 
 a young woman is apt to forget that the new 
 position in which she is placed is not without its 
 trials. But she must remember that neither 
 herself nor her husband is perfect. Both are 
 young and inexperienced, with characters not 
 yet fully developed, and the hereditary taint of 
 selfishness uncorrected. 
 
 The first year after marriage is that which 
 usually tries most severely the young wife, and 
 awakens her to realities that sometimes, for a 
 brief season, deeply sadden her spirit. It is by 
 no means improbable that her husband suffers 
 equally with herself The cause lies in the fact 
 that neither the one nor the other is faultless. 
 Both, by nature, are selfish. They have this 
 selfishness by hereditary transmission from their 
 parents; and it cannot be removed until they 
 have attained mature age, and then resist its per- 
 verting influences as evil. All their education 
 16* 
 
186 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 from childhood up, with all the good principles 
 taught them by parents and teachers, becomes 
 means in their hands whereby they are to resist 
 their natural tendencies to evil and overcome 
 them. But this is not the work of a moment, 
 but of a whole lifetime. At the period when 
 marriage usually takes place, but little progress 
 has been made in overcoming the natural incli- 
 nations. From pride, interest, a love of repu- 
 
 ^ tation, or other causes, they are concealed from 
 view ; but whatever they are, they will inevitably 
 show themselves to the young wife or young hus- 
 band before much time passes beyond the honey- 
 moon. The selfishness of one or both, in some 
 little or great matter, will inevitably exhibit itself, 
 to the surprise and grief of the other. 
 
 The young man has been, we will suppose, 
 his own master for some two or three years. He 
 has been in the habit of thinking for himself, and 
 consulting his own reason and inclinations in 
 every thing. He has been in perfect freedom. 
 But now he finds that he can no longer do this ; 
 he is no longer free. Another has come into so 
 close a relationship with him, that he can scarcely 
 
 % think without in some way affecting her. There 
 is another will, also, whose promptings have to 
 be regarded. It is hardly to be supposed that he 
 will at once be able to see his duty to his young 
 
THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. 
 
 187 
 
 wife, and do it at the sacrifice of feeling and in- 
 clination. 
 
 Another source of unhappiness will arise from 
 this fact : During the period of courtship, the 
 young man consults the tastes, wishes, incli- 
 nations, and preferences of the young lady, and 
 makes them his own. In every thing, he defers 
 to her. It is his highest delight to make her 
 happy, and to effect this he is ready for almost 
 any sacrifice. After marriage, the bride still 
 expects this entire devotion to her, and the same 
 deference. But erelong she finds that the hus- 
 band is less assiduous than the lover, and is un- 
 reasonable enough to have a will of his own, 
 tastes of his own, inclinations and preferences of 
 his own, and, what is worse, disposed to consult 
 them where they differ from hers, instead of yield- 
 ing all, as before. It may be, that, in the first 
 excitement of the moment, on discovering this, 
 she will set her will in opposition to her hue- 
 band's, and endeavor to put him down. Usually, 
 this experiment proves a diflicult one, and causes 
 her to shed many bitter tears. She may become 
 angry, and bring accusations of want of affection, 
 and selfishness, and all that, against her husband ; 
 and he, surprised and confounded at this unex- 
 pected turn of affairs, may act and speak in a 
 very unreasonable, and perhaps unkind manner. 
 
188 
 
 ADVICE TO YOU?>'G LADIES. 
 
 All this had better be avoided, if possible, and 
 might be avoided, if each party were more given 
 to reflection than young couples usually are ; but 
 it is not so very serious a matter, nor so much to 
 be wondered at, and will work its own cure, but 
 not until, by being made very unhappy a good 
 many times, the young wife perceives her error, 
 and the young husband is conscious that he is a 
 little too self-willed. 
 
 It is not a trifling thing for two minds to come 
 into such close contact and relationship with 
 each other as marriage effects. And when we 
 reflect that each inherits a tendency to love self 
 supremely, and that each has indulged and given 
 strength to this tendency, it is not at all to be 
 wondered at, that there should at first be some 
 strings of discord jarred. It would be stranger 
 still were it otherwise ; for every selfish affection, 
 when it becomes active, seeks its own ends, re- 
 gardless of the good of another. 
 
 From these causes, the first year after mar 
 riage will usually be found the most trying and 
 difficult one that a young couple has to pass. 
 During that period, however, they will begin to 
 understand themselves and each other better, 
 and mutually correct the faults that produced 
 unhappiness. 
 
 It does not always happen that the young wife 
 
THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. 
 
 189 
 
 sets her will against that of her husband ; but it 
 almost always happens that she finds him much 
 more disposed to consult his own tastes antl in- 
 clinations than he was previous to marriage : and 
 she will, very naturally, feel disappointed at this, 
 and be led to think that he does not love her as 
 much as she was led to believe that he did. 
 
 The perfections with which young lovers are 
 apt to invest the objects of their choice are usu- 
 ally about as much in imagination as reality. 
 Faultlessness appertains to no human being. All 
 have defects, and all are born in evils. These 
 evils, or the tendencies to them, cannot, as has 
 before been said, be removed, except by each in- 
 dividual for himself, after he reaches the age of 
 rationality and freedom. At the time when mar- 
 riage takes place, but little has been done 
 towards the removal of these evils, and their 
 existence must therefore affect, in some measure, 
 all who come into the very intimate relationship 
 of man and wife. If, instead of being surprised 
 and made unhappy, on feeling these effects, every 
 young wife would seek to correct what was 
 selfish and evil in her own heart, she would so 
 far enable her husband to do the same, and so far 
 really help to make him what, in the fond idolatry 
 of her young heart, she at first was inclined to 
 believe him. 
 
190 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 Let every young wife remember, that, to be 
 truly happy, both herself and her husband must 
 be governed by religious principles in all their 
 conduct towards each other and society. If they 
 give themselves up to a mere life of pleasure, 
 they will commit a great mistake; for pleas- 
 ure, sought as an end, always defeats itself. 
 -To do this is to act from mere selfishness — a 
 motive entirely unworthy of the human mind. 
 The majority of young persons who marry do 
 not seem to have any idea of the true importance 
 of the relation they have assumed. It does not 
 seem to strike them as a very serious matter, or 
 as involving duties and responsibilities of the 
 most weighty character. They love, and, in sim- 
 ply attaining the object of their love, believe that 
 they have arrived at the summit of happiness, 
 and that happiness must continue to be theirs so 
 long as this object is in possession. But, there 
 being in this so much of mere selfishness, it is 
 no wonder that, in a very short time, the scales 
 fall from their eyes, and they are made sensibly 
 to feel that something more is required of them 
 than idly to rest in the supreme felicity of 
 loving and being beloved. 
 
 It usually takes as long a period as a year to 
 correct the misconceptions of a young married 
 couple ; and during this time, they often feel the 
 
A COMMON MISTAKE. 
 
 191 
 
 jarring of discordant strings both in themselves 
 and each other. Then they begin to see with a 
 more purified vision, and to enter more seriously 
 upon their duties in life, which call for earnest- 
 ness of purpose, and a mutual looking to the 
 same end. The very pressure of external circum- 
 stances brings them into a more intimate near- 
 ness to each other ; and the effort to do right, in 
 the various relations they hold to each other and 
 society, hid.es more and more the faults of 
 each, and brings forth into a clearer view the 
 excellences that form the true groundwork of 
 their characters. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 A COMMON MISTAKE. 
 
 A COMMON mistake which most .young couples 
 commit is that of commencing the world in too 
 imposing a manner. The desire to make an ap- 
 pearance is usually quite strong; and it often 
 happens that the young husband is more disposed 
 for a " dash," than the wife, especially if she 
 have always been used to a good style of living 
 
192 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 in her father's house. Pride will not permit him 
 to place her in a lower external position than the 
 one she left when she became his wife. Nor is 
 he always content with this. A little more ele- 
 gance and style is often assumed, and a rate of 
 expenditure adopted that is not unfrequently 
 entirely out of all fair proportion to the income. 
 It matters little whether this income be five thou- 
 sand or five hundred per annum ; in the outset, 
 the temptation to drav/ too heavily, or even to go 
 beyond it, is very great. 
 
 It most generally happens that the young wife 
 never thinks of inquiring how far the means of 
 her husband will warrant the rate of expenditure 
 at which they are living. She naturally enough 
 supposes that he will not go beyond his ability. 
 Deceived by the freedom with which he spends 
 his money, she is often led into extrava- 
 gances of dress entirely at variance with their 
 real condition in life, and remains utterly un- 
 conscious of the fact that she is an obje(^ of 
 remark and censure to those who are much better 
 acquainted with the real circumstances of her 
 husband than she is. The consequences of errors 
 of this kind are often very severely felt. Many 
 a young couple's fair prospects in life have been 
 blighted by early extravagance, the result of 
 weak pride on the part of the husband, and 
 
A COMMON MISTAKE. 
 
 193 
 
 thoughtlessness and pride on the part of the 
 wife. 
 
 After marriage, the interests of a young couple 
 become one, and the feeling of delicacy that pre- 
 vents the wife from inquiring into her husband's 
 affairs, and becoming thoroughly acquainted with 
 them, should be laid aside. All reserve on this 
 subject ought now to cease, and the fullest con- 
 fidence begin. The style of living adopted 
 should be that which the judgments of both de- 
 termine to be right, after clearly understanding 
 the real or probable amount of their income ; 
 and it should be a matter of fixed principle never 
 to go beyond, but always to keep within, this 
 income. It will be much easier to begin right 
 than to get right after having made a wrong be- 
 ginning. 
 
 The error of young married persons beginning 
 the world in the style of those who have been 
 ten, twenty, or thirty years in acquiring the means 
 whereby to live in elegance or luxury, is a very 
 common one. In order to support this style, 
 they often expend every dollar of income, and 
 too frequently are tempted to go beyond this, 
 involving themselves in debt, and creating em- 
 barrassments that are never entirely got over. 
 
 It will almost always be in the power of a young 
 wife to prevent this. By assuming a modest style 
 17 
 
194 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 of living, and exercising economy in every thing, 
 in the first few years of married life, when all ex- 
 penditures for real wants are never large, enough 
 may always be saved to meet the increasing 
 demands of later years. The pleasure of spend- 
 ing money uselessly never compensates for its 
 want, but rather imbitters the privations that 
 such want entails. If the husband's means of 
 supporting the style in which he wishes to see 
 his wife live, and in which he proposes that she 
 shall live, are really insufficient, he cannot be 
 wholly unaware of the fact, and will not feel 
 inclined to oppose her strongly, if she voluntarily 
 suggest that it may be better for them to assume 
 a less expensive style. That she may have some 
 distinct idea, in the outset, and before an error is 
 committed, of how they ought to live, a young 
 bride should always consult her parents on the 
 subject. They know pretty nearly the extent of 
 her husband's income, how much he ought to 
 spend, and v.'hat style it will be best for them to 
 live in. Having this information, she will be 
 able to act the part of a true wife, and wisely 
 restrain her husband, if he should be disposed to 
 run into extravagance, from beginning the world 
 in a style of expenditure that cannot be long 
 supported. 
 
 A little prudence and economy in the outset 
 
CONCLUSION. 
 
 195 
 
 will go far towards preventing the reverses that so 
 frequently overtake us in this life ; for the modes 
 of living with which we start, usually become 
 habits with us. If these are extravagant, it will 
 be a difficult matter ever afterwards to overcome 
 them entirely ; but if they are prudent and eco- 
 nomical, they will not only save us from going 
 beyond our means in the outset, but prove a 
 guaranty of our success in the future. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 CONCLUSION. 
 
 ' It would have been an easy matter to have 
 said much more than we have said on each of the 
 topics discussed in this book, and to have intro- 
 duced others. But if, in matters of primary in- 
 terest, we have correct views, these will guide us 
 in all things subordinate. Right thinking, as 
 we stated in the outset, is the basis of all right 
 action ; and it is therefore much better to learn 
 to think right than to burden the memory with 
 modes of action in which no principle of right is 
 clearly perceived. 
 
190 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 In the beginning, we called especial attention 
 io the necessity of acting from a religious prin- 
 ciple, as the only means of becoming truly use- 
 ful and truly happy. We showed in the chapter 
 on marriage, that the end gives quality to the 
 act. This is as true of one act as of another. 
 The dictates of common politeness prompt to a 
 regard for the comfort and pleasure of others ; 
 but the end that governs in mere politeness is a 
 selfish one, for it is grounded in a love of reputa- 
 tion, or a wish to be thought well-bred, and does 
 not flow from a desire for the good of another. 
 But a religious principle is a sincere desire for 
 another's good, based upon a denial of mere self- 
 ish feelings, because they are seen to be evil, and 
 opposed to the divine laws which were originally 
 written upon the heart, and which prompted 
 every one to seek the good of his neighbor. To 
 act, therefore, from religious principles, is to act 
 from the highest, purest, and best end that can 
 influence a human being — an end that will 
 surely lead to true usefulness and happiness. 
 
 Where religious principles govern any one, the 
 danger of committing important errors is very 
 small ; for selfishness, which always blinds and 
 deceives, is subordinate, and the wish to do good 
 to others uppermost in the mind. Every act is 
 then well considered, lest its effect be injurious 
 
CONCLUSION. 
 
 igi 
 
 to another, or entail disabilities upon the actor 
 that will prevent him from discharging, at some 
 future period, his duties to others, which would 
 be to wrong them. 
 
 To one who is inexperienced in life, and who 
 feels that the most desirable thing in the world is 
 the gratification of her own wishes and the seek- 
 ing freely her own pleasures, there is nothing 
 attractive in the idea of regarding the good of 
 others in all she does. This seems to her like 
 giving up every thing that makes life desirable. 
 But she has yet to learn the meaning of this 
 divine law, that " it is more blessed to give than 
 to receive." She has yet to have her mind 
 opened to the higher truth, that in seeking to 
 make others happy, there is a delight inconceiv- 
 ably beyond what is to be found in any mere 
 selfish and exclusive regard for our own happi- 
 ness. Indeed, happiness is a thing that, when 
 sought for as an end, never comes. It is not a 
 positive something that the mind can seek for 
 and find, but a consequence that flows from good 
 actions. Idle pleasure-seeking is, therefore, a 
 vain and worse than useless employment. It dis- 
 appoints the expectations, and leaves the mind 
 restless and dissatisfied. But a diligent and 
 faithful performance, every .day, of what the 
 hands and intellect find to do, brings with it a 
 17* 
 
198 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 heartfelt reward, a deep satisfaction. Thus dill* 
 gently to perform our every-day duties, because 
 to neglect them would be to injure others, at the 
 same time that we look to the Giver of all good 
 for ability to enable us faithfully to do what is 
 right, is to act from a religious, because an un- 
 selfish, principle. That which separates us from 
 God, and produces all the mental disorders under 
 which we labor, is selfishness. There is no 
 means of returning to God, and to true order, 
 except by denying self; and this we do when we 
 seek, in all the various relations of life, to dis- 
 charge our duties for the sake of good to others. 
 Of ourselves we cannot act from this high mo- 
 tive ; it comes from God, who alone is good, and 
 from whom all good flows. But we can shun the 
 evil of selfishness, by denying it the gratification 
 of its inordinate desires, and compelling ourselves 
 faithfully to do whatever useful thing comes in 
 our way ; and then the love of doing good will 
 flow into our minds, and we shall feel a higher 
 delight than ever before thrilled through our 
 bosoms. 
 
 A woman, from the time she steps forth upon 
 the stage of life, is surrounded by the means of 
 being useful to and doing good to others. She 
 need not go out of her v/ay to seek for objects to 
 benefit. She need not lay down plans of useful- 
 
CONCLUSION. 
 
 199 
 
 ness that extend beyond the circle of her every 
 day domestic life. All around her are clustered 
 the means of doing good to others; and one 
 would think that a harder struggle were required 
 to turn from them than to enter diligently into 
 the use of these means. How much good may 
 not a sister do among her brothers and sisters ! 
 There is not a day, nor an hour in the day, that 
 she may not, by some act or word, do a lasting 
 good. In the divine providence she is thus 
 placed, with ability in the midst of those who 
 need the exercise of her ability to do them good. 
 She is thus placed, in order that she may do them 
 good. In like circumstances, Providence pro- 
 vided those who could guide and instruct her, ano 
 minister to her wants. If, instead of faithfully 
 performing her duty, she seek rather her own 
 pleasures, she acts from a selfish and debasing 
 end, that, while it does wrong to others, leaves 
 her own mind unsatisfied or positively unhappy , 
 but if, from a love of these little ones, or a 
 sense of her duty to them, she supply their wants, 
 and do all in her power to elevate their thoughts 
 and affections, and lead them to good, she wib 
 experience an inward peace and satisfaction tha* 
 will be felt as a suiBcient rev/ard. 
 
 To her mother, the grown-up, unmarried 
 daughter may, if she will, prove a comfort and a 
 
200 
 
 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 blessing. She can lighten her cares by assum- 
 ing many of them herself; she can become her 
 sympathizing friend and companion, and warm 
 her heart with the sweet consciousness of being 
 loved by her child with that genuine affection 
 that ever seeks to bless its object. It is a pain- 
 ful sight to see a daughter manifesting indrffer- 
 ence towards her mother, and seeming to think 
 of her only when she wants some service. The 
 unselfishness of a mother's love — its untiring 
 devotion — its anxious care — merit a better 
 reward. If love prompt not a young lady to 
 think of her mother and seek to do her good, let 
 a sense of duty compel her to act with due con- 
 sideration towards her, and she will soon find 
 that to be a pleasure which at first seemed irk- 
 some, and wonder at the selfishness of her heart 
 that could have made her indifferent towards one 
 who has so many claims upon her love and grati- 
 tude. Whenever we compel ourselves to do 
 right, we come into new and better states, and 
 are then enabled to persevere in well-doing from 
 the warmth of a genuine affection, rather than 
 from a coercive sense of duty. This truth should 
 be laid up in the memory of every young lady ; 
 it will encourage her to well-doing even under 
 the disheartening sense of a want of high and 
 generous motives, which we all sometimes feel. 
 To her companions every young lady has a 
 
CONCLUSION. 
 
 201 
 
 duty to perform, whicli she will fail to do, unless 
 governed by a religious principle. It is a very 
 easy thing, in our associations with others, to 
 think only of ourselves. To this we are all natu- 
 rally inclined. But to do so, is to be unjust; for 
 when we think only of our own pleasures and our 
 own interests, we are sure to seek them at the 
 expense of the pleasures and interests of others. 
 This is the inevitable result of all selfish action. 
 It is impossible for us to act in society without in 
 some way affecting others, and according to the 
 ends which govern us will be the quality of our 
 acts. If we have a generous regard for others in 
 what we do, we shall be sure to make others 
 happy ; but if only a regard for ourselves, we 
 shall as certainly, in something, trespass upon the 
 rights or feelings of others. In the society of her 
 light-hearted friends, a young lady will often find 
 herself tempted to say, or respond affirmatively to, 
 a disparaging word of an absent one ; or she will 
 feel disposed, from not wishing to disturb the 
 self-complacency of a friend, to hear unfavorable 
 things said of another that she knows are untrue, 
 and which a single remark from her can cor- 
 rect; or she may have an eager desire to secure 
 some good to herself, at the expense of bitter 
 disappointment in one less able to bear it than 
 herself. In fact, there are a hundred ways in 
 which the well-being, good name, or happiness 
 
202 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 of another is placed in her hands, and which 
 she will be tempted to sacrifice. We need not 
 say what her duty is under such circumstances. 
 The higher and better perceptions of every one 
 will point to that. 
 
 As year after year passes by, a young lady will 
 be brought into circumstances of closer and 
 closer relationship with others, until at length 
 she finds herself occupying the important posi- 
 tion of a wife and mother, in which every act of 
 her life, and almost every thought and word, 
 must necessarily have either a good or a bad 
 effect upon others. Self-denial and regard for 
 the good of others she is now more than ever 
 called upon to exercise; and in their exercise 
 she can alone find true peace of mind. All 
 turning of thought inward upon self as an ob- 
 ject of primary consideration, all looking to the 
 attainment of selfish ends and selfish gratifica- 
 tion, will react upon her with a disturbing force ; 
 for she cannot do this without interfering in 
 some way with the comfort or happiness of those 
 in whose comfort and happiness her own is inex- 
 tricably involved. The mother who neglects her 
 child in the eager pursuit of some phantom of 
 pleasure, or for the attainment of ease, will make 
 that child unhappy, and herself doubly so ; for 
 she can no more expel from her mind a con- 
 sciousness of having wronged that child, than 
 
CONCLUSION. 
 
 203 
 
 she can prevent being disturbed by the evi- 
 dences of her neglect. The same will be true 
 if she think more of her own ease and pleasure 
 than she does of her husband's comfort. He 
 cannot but feel this want of true consideration 
 for him both in mind and person ; and he will 
 certainly exhibit what he feels in a way to dis- 
 turb the self-complacency of his wife, even 
 though his regard for her may be so strong as to 
 make him careful not to do so intentionally. 
 
 Thus, in any and all positions where a woman 
 is placed, she will find that only in a faithful dis- 
 charge of life's varied duties, from a regard to the 
 good of others, is there any true happiness ; for 
 this is to act from a religious principle. To act 
 thus brings more than an earthly reward ; by 
 such a life, she is prepared for heavenly felicities, 
 which consist alone in the delight that springs 
 from doing good. In heaven no one thinks of 
 self, nor seeks his own gratification ; but all, from 
 genuine love, seek the good of others, and their 
 happiness consists in the delight that springs 
 from the attainment of their ends. If we wish 
 to come into a heavenly society at death, we must 
 act from heavenly principles here. There is no 
 other way. This is the straight and narrow path 
 that leads to eternal felicity, and all who wish to 
 gain that desirable state must walk therein. 
 
204 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. jj 
 
 And now, in conclusion, we beg of our fair ! : 
 
 young friends to lay deeply to heart the matters ■ i 
 
 contained in this book, and to strive in all things ' | 
 
 to act from those godlike principles of love to 1 1 
 
 others that were at first written on the human : I 
 
 heart by the Creator. Every act of our lives ij 
 
 affects some one either for good or for evil. We \ \ 
 
 are constantly lending an impulse to the great , j } 
 effort in human society to return to true order and j | 
 
 happiness, or retarding its movements. Of course, l| 
 
 the effects of our actions are not limited to : | 
 
 the individuals who first feel them, nor to the \ 
 
 time in which we live. Our act is felt and re- j 
 
 produced with a greater or diminished force by 
 the one who receives it. If we help others in 
 the development of good principles, we give them 
 power to do good that may effect beneficially 
 hundreds, yea, thousands. There is no telling 
 where the widening circle of influence may stop. 
 And the same is true when by our acts we 
 strengthen or force into activity the evil qualities 
 which any one has inherited. 
 
 From this it may be seen how great is the re- 
 sponsibility resting upon each one of us, and how 
 much good or evil we may do in our way through 
 life. 
 
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