DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS]
^HF" Please notice that nearly all the Comedies, Farces and Comediettas in the following'
kstofDu WITT'S ^-CTING PLAYS 1 ' are very suitable for representation in small At. latent Theatres and on Parlor Stages, as they need but little extrinsic aid from complicated scmery or
expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity by their droll situations
excellent plots, great humor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that 'they are, the
most perfect in every respect of any edition of plays ever published either in the U\nittd Slates
or Europe, wheOher as regards purity of the text, accuracy and fulness of stage directions and
scenery, or elegance of typography and clearness of printing.
' '
*#* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which indicate
the number of the puce in " D E W I T T ' S LIST OF ACTING P L A T S . "

(g^ip Any of the following

lHays sent, postage free, on receipt of prtye-

-15

cents each,

The figure following t h e name of t h e P l a y denotes t h e nurii'oer <
Acts. T h e figures in t h e columns indicate the n u m b e r of characters—M\ male:
E. female.
No.
75.
114.
167.
93.
40.
89.
192.
166.
41.
141.
67.
36.
160.
70.
179,
25.

Adrienne, drama, 3 acts,.
7
Anything for a Change^ comedy, 1 3
Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts.... 7
Area Belle (The), farce, 1 act
3
Atchi, comedietta, 1 act
3
Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce, 1 act.. 3
Game of Cards (A), comedietta, 1 3
Bardell vs. Pickwick, sketch, 1 act. 6
Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act
2
Bells (The), drama, 3 acts
9
Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act.. 7
Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts
7
Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts
11
Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act
3
Breach of Promise,, drama, 2 acts.. 5
Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta, 1 4
2
I 34. Cabman, No. 93, farce, 1 act
Caste, comedy, 3 acts
5
6&: Caught by the Cuff, farce, 1 act
4
175. Cast" upon the World, drama, 5 acts. 10
55. Catharine Howard, historical play,
3 acts
12
v l
Charming pair, farce, 1 act. f
4
Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts
6
Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3 9
J'76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act. 3
8
| 149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts
3
181. Comical Countess, farce, 1 act
2
107. Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act
152. Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act... 1
Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act
3
148. Cut off with a Shilling, comedietta,
1 act
2
118. Cyrill'a Success, comedy, 5 acts 10
199. Captain of the Watch (The), comedietta, 1 act
4
SO. Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts . . . . . . . . 8
Dandelion's Dodges, farce, 1 act
4
David Garrick, comedy, 3 acts
8
96. Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act, 4
6
16. Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts
7
58. Deborah (Leah) drama, 3 acts
5
125, Deerfoot, farce, 1 act
.71. Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts.. 5
149. Dollars and Centc. comedy, 3 acts.. 9

Dreams, drama, 5 acts... •
i., 6
Duchess de la Valliere, play, 5 act:**.. 6
Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act
|,.. 5
Everybody's Friend, comedy, 3 adts. 6
Estranged, an operetta^ 1 a c t . . . . j . . . 2
Faust and Marguerite, drama, 3 ao,ts, 9
Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dtyls,
interlude, 1 act
,\... 4
Female Detective, drama, 3 acts, ...11
Fernande, drama, 3 a c t s . . . . . . . . . 4 .. 11 :
Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 acts...,
10
First Love, comedy, 1 act
4
Foiled, drama, 4 acts
~. 9
Founded on Facts, farce, 1 act». . , 4
Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act
I.. 7
Gertrude's Money Box, farce, 1 a<ct. 4
Golden Fetter (Fettered), drama, 3 11
Goose with the Golden Eggs, farice, o
1 act
;... 5
131. Go to Putney, farce, 1 act
j,,. 4
28. Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act... i,.. 1
151. Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act
:..),.. 2
8. Henry Dunbar, drama, 4 acts....,... 10
180. Henry the Fifth, historical play;, 5 38
19. He's a Lunatic, farce, 1 act
i... 3
60. Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts
5
187. His Own Enemy, farce, 1 act... v ".. 4
174. Home, comedy, 3 acts
j.., 4
64. Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act..-... 1
190. Hunting the Slipper, farce, 1 act.;... 4
191. High C, comedietta, 1 act
/... 4
197. Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts...;.. .14
18. If I* Had a Thousand a Year, far'ce,
lact
4
116. I'm Not Mesilf at All, original Irish •
stew, 1 act
3
129. In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act... J.... %
159. In the Wrong House, farce, 1 act,.. 4
122. Isabella Orsini, drama, 4 a c t s . . . . . . . 11
177. I Shall Invite the Major, comedy, 1 4
100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts
9
139. Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acte... 3
17. Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts. ::... 6
86. Lady of Lyons, play; 5 acts
. .. .12
72. Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act
,.. 4

THE GARRIGK FEVER.
% imu>
IN

ONE

ACT.

BY J. B. B L A N C H E , E S Q . ,
Mho/of

"A Romantic Idea," "Captain of the Watch," "Irish Post," "Tin
Market,"-etc*, etc.

Prideofila

AS TIRST PERFORMED AT THE ROYAL OLYMPIC THEATRE,
ON MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1639,

SO WHICH 33 ADDES

A DESCRIPTION OP THE COSTUMES—CAST OP THE CHARACTERS—ENTRANCES AND EXITS—RELATIVE POSITIONS OP THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS

NEW YORK:

BOBEBT M, DE WITT, PUBLISHER
BTO,

t® BOSE

STREET,

2

TEE GAEKICK FETEB.

CAST OF CHARACTERS.
Royal Olympic Theatre, Royal Olympic T7im(ret
London, April *, 1839. London, June 11, 1855.
Major Derrydown (of i»he Westmeath
Militia)

Mr. BROUGHAM.

Mr. DANVERS.

Mr. T. GREEN.
Mr. " YMAN.
W
Mr. CONNELL.

Mr. EMERY.
Mr. J. H. W H I S E .
Mr. FRANKS.

Mr. Hardup (Manager Theatre Royal,
Ballinaslough)
Undertone (Prompter)
Pumpwell

Decimus Gingle (a Strolling Actor)....Mr. KEELEY.

Mr. ROBSON.

Dresser
Call Boy
II tir Dresser
Lady O'Leary
Mrs. Hardup
Miss Polly Hardup

Mr. MOORE.
Mr. RIVERS.
Mr. T. EODGERSON.
Mrs. FITZALLAN.
MISS STEPHENS.
Miss FANNY TERN AN.

Kitty

,...*

"
•

Mr. KKRRIDGE.
Master IRELAND.
Mr. IRELAND.
Mrs. MACNAMARA.
Miss JACKSON.
Miss AGNES TAYLOR.

Miss GOWARD.

COSTUMES.—Period 1745.
HARDUP.-— First: Brown square-cut coat, gray waistcoat and breeches, blue stockings, shoes and buckles; full curled black wig, spectacles, white cravat, and
ruffles. Second: Breast-plate, gorget, armor peggings, helmet, truncheon,, spectacles.
UNDERTONE.—Black square-cut coat, black waistcoat and breeches, blue stockings,
shoe3 and buckles ; white cravat, black tail wig.
MAJOU DERRYDOWN.—Scaiiet regimental coat, white breeches, siUc stockings, shoes
and buckles ; cross-belt and sword, powdered wig, cocked hat, cane, white cravat.
DECIMUS GINGLE.— First: Drab square-cut coat, black waistcoat, white plush
breeches, gray stockings, shoes and buckles; small three-cornered hat, crop wig.
Second: Black velvet square-cut coat, waistcoat and breeche.*, black stockings
(one ungartered), shoes arid buckles, white wig, sword and ribbon.
Mr. PUMPWELL.—Bed square-cut coat, embroidered waistcoat, drab breeches, white
stockings, shoes and buckles; King Arthur wig and crown.
POLONIUS—Brown old-fashioned court suit, wig, etc., shoes and buckles.
LAERTES.—White embroidered old-fashioned court suit, shoes and buckles. .
CALL BOY.—Back waistcoat with sleeves, drab breeches, gray stockings, shoes and
buckles; scratch wig.
HAIR DRESSER. - Cotton jacket, blue waistcoat, black breeches, blue stockings,
shoes, white apron.
DRESSER.—Black waistcoat with sleeves, black breeches, shoes, stockings.
LADY O'LEARY.—Yellow figured silk tuck-up dress, black lace shawl, fan ; white
full wig, white silk round hat, high-heeled shoes.
POLLY HARDUP —First; Flowered chintz tuck-up dress, blue skirt, lace stomacher,
and apron. Second: "White muslin tuck-up dress, with straw and flowers, full
white wig.
MRS. HARDUP.—Green velvet old-fashioned train dress, white wig, and feathers.
LADIES OF COURT.-—Velvet train dresses.

PROPERTIES.
Two letters; theatre bill; small tray; wine and cake; bundle; \rig; chicken.
TXMS-Ol? PLAYING (wifeh POLLY'S intfodufcted
MINUTES.

&a%K~EQj£$ttQ$E

THE GARRICK FEVER.
SCENE.—A room in MR. HARDUP'S House, connected with the theatre, to
which a door opens in fiat, c.; door in R . ii.fiat, and doors K. and L . 2 E ,
"Enter HARDUP, R., and UNDERTONE, C.

HARDUP. Well—well—any news 1 Any news ?
UNDERTONE. None at all, sir. So, in this case, we can give the lie to
the old proverb, for no news is anything but good news with us.
HARD. What is to be done, Mr Undertone ?
UNDER. We are to be done, sir -Drown ! The game's up, sir—it's all
over with us !
HARD. What can it mean 1 There must have been some accident.
There can be no mistake—the leiters are clear enough ! (takes two letters
from his pocket) Here is a copy of my own letter, (reads.)
" To Mr. Garrick,—
44
Sir,—Understanding your engagement at the Theatre Royal, Dublin,
will terminate on Saturday next, I beg to know whether it will answer
your purpose to play six nights in this town, before your depirture for
Englmd, commenc ng on Monday, with Hamlet. Share, above ten
pounds. C ear benefit," etc., etc.
And here's the answer, (reads.)
"Dear Sir.—In reply to yours, just received, I have only to say, yes !
with great pleasure. I will he w tli you between four and five, on Monday, which will just give me time to dress.
" Yours, in great haste,
" DAVID GARRICK."

Addressed to " Mr. Hardup, Manager, Theatre Royal
"
UNDER. If that's not plain, I don't know what is.
HARD. And here's five o'clock struck, and no tidings of him.
UNDER. The whole street is filled with people—the pit and gallery will
overflow with the first rush.
HARD. And every place taken in the boxes—and a gu'nea offered for
a chair behind the scenes ! It's a forlune within my grasp !
UNDER. And to be obliged to make an apology—return the money-^HARD. I can't do it, Mr. Undertone - it would break my heart! It's
hard enough, in these times, to get money—to leturn it:is an impossibility ! Why, I've gone to the expense of len pounds in pt bring ! Here's
a bill! .Here's an announcement! I flatter tnyself I've done it this
timer (rxads bill.)

4

THE GAEKICK FEYEE.

THEATRE

ROYAL,

FALL1NASL0UGH.

Unparalleled Attraction ! First appearance of the immortal
MR. GARRICK.
The Greatest Actor that ever was or ever will be ! ! !
The Nobility, Gentry, and Fublic in general are respect fully informed that
ON MONDAY NEXT,

W*U be presented, with entirely new Scenery and Decorations, Shakespeare'*
Tragedy of
HAMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK,
OR THE MAD SON AND THE MURDERED FATHER.

TJiepart of HAMLET, Frinceof Denmark {the Mad Son), by that Inimitable
Tragedian, MR. DAVID GARRICK (from the Theatres ltoyal Drury Lane,
and Smock Alley , who has been engaged for a limited number of nights.
NOT A BENE.—MR. GARRICK'S attraction at the Theatre Royal, Dublin,
on his last visit to Ireland, toas so great, that the crowded state of the Theatre
produced an epidemic which was called
THE GARRICK FEVER !
And, to use the words of that sublime Foet, the late MR. ALEXANDER POPE to
my Lord Orrery—" We may safely declare that MR. GARRICK never had his
equal as an Actor, and will never have a Rival /"
There's a quotation for you ! And from such an authority! (handing bill
to UNDERTONE.)

UNDEB. (looking over bill). But what does this mean, sir? (reading)
The Ghost of Hamlet's Father, murdered by Mr. Hard up."
HARD, (snatching bd(). Eli! What!---''murdered by"—confound the
•printers ! 0:;e of their cursed blunders!—" The Ghost of Hamlet's murdered Father, by Mr. Hardup "—not " Father murdered." (noise of
wheels without) Hark!—there's a chaise! (running to window) Yes! ifc
stops here ! It must be he! The modern Ro.^cius! The great Ghrrick !
UNDER. I'm af aid not, sir. Mr. Garrick is a young man and, as well
as I can see, the person in the chaise is an old woman.
HARD. Lady O'Leary, by all that's disappointing! And her shadow,
Major Derrydown ! The devil fly away with them both !
UNDER. Have they got a box ?
HARD. No—the major wrote too late—everything was gone. There'll
be a famous scene with her ladyship. She comes forty miles on purpose. Where's my daughter Polly 1 Polly ! Polly Hardup !
tl

Enter POLLY, L. D.

POL. Here I am, father.
HARD. Run down stairs, Polly ! There's your grand god-mother,
Lady O'Leary, at the door in a post-chaise. She'll be in a fine passion
when she learns there's no box for her. Tell her she shall have a chair
in the orchestral-just behind the big drum.
POL. She's coming up stairs.
[Exit POLLY, L. p .
HARD, The deuce she i s ! .Then I'll ibeoff J- follow me, $Jnderto&e,
into the theatre, and let's see all is ready before they o^ri t]je 4o&'S»
UNDER, YOU will open the doors, then!

THE GAElilCX FEVER.

5

HARD. At all hazards ! He must come I He's sure to come, if he's
not—why it's no fault of ours. And if they tear up the
benches, and break ihe chandelier, the county must pay ti,e damage. I
sties to the old text—" Vivani Rex and Regin.i! JJo money returned 1"
v
a]ive ».—if

[Meant HARDUP end USDERTOXE, C. D.
POLLY re-enters with LADY O L E A R Y , and MAJOR DERRYDOWN, L. D .

LADY 0. No box ! I shall expire ! Why, Major rMAJ. My an»el!
LADY 0. Do you hear what my god-daughter, Miss Polly Hardup, Favs,
nv\ There is no box, and I must sit in the oichestia, behind the big
drum!
MAJ. Behind the big drum ! I'll run the big drum through the body
before you shall submit to such an indignity, and the .big drummer into
the bargain.
POL. My father's very sorry, my lady. If he had but known your
ladysh'.p wanted a bi-x——
LADY 0. Had but known! Why, Major
MAJ. My Venus!
LADY 0. Do you hear that, sir ? If he had but known ! as if you had
not written to him three days ago, at my e.«p<-cial ieq«-est.
MAJ. It is as you say, exactly as if I had not written to him three
days ago.
POL. Of course it mr.st be, sir—because you did not.
LADY 0. D d n t! Why, M.jor-—•

MAJ. My darling \
LADY 0. Do you hear my god-daughter, M ss Polly Hardup, assert
that you did not write, as I defied you 1
MAJ. Indeed 1 do. And if she don't retiact the assertion, she shall
give me the satisfaction ot a gentleman.
POL. I only kno.v that the letter d d not arrive till this morning. I
took it in myself, and heard my father read it.
MAJ. Oh, you only know that, don't you ? Then why didn't you say
what you only knew at first—and not what you didn't know 1 Dors the
mere appearance of a postman prove that I didn't write it at the time
specified*?
LADY 0. Where is Mr. Hardup 1 Let me see him instantly.
MAJ. Ay—where is Mr* Hardup ?
,POL. I'll send for him my lady. If your ladyship will condescend to
wait heie, and excuse me, as 1 shall hardly have time to dress for my
part——
LADY 0. Yoiif part, my chi'd! What do you play, then?
POL. Ophelia, madam ! Only think, what an honor ! to play Ophelia
to Mr. Garrick's Hamlet!
" The expectancy and rose of the fair state ;
The glass ot fashion, 'and tl e mould of form—
The observed of ail observers !"
I'll send my father to you diectly. madam.
" For bonny sweet Robin is all my joy."
\kxit POLLY, C , singing.
LADY 0. (it.). The girl's crazy, in downnghi earne-t!
MAJ. (L ). It's the Garrick lever they speak of. You've a touch of it
yourself, my daring.
LADY 6. Don't call me your darling ! If I find that it is through your
negligence

6

THE GAERICK FEVEK.

MAJ. It's the blundhering postman—bad luck to him ! But if I don't
give him such a double knock on his head as lie never gr.ve a street
door, I'll give anybody leuve to say I'm not Major Derrydown of the
Loyal Westmeath Militia.
LADY 0. If I do not spe Garrick, I shall die.
MAJ. You would not dream of it, would you 1 Die for the sake of a
dirty Male play-actor, whin you've promised to live to be Mrs. Major
Derrydown,
LADY 0. I have promised no such tiling, sir. I have merely suffered
you to hops. A dirty little play-actor ! But what should a muddleheal ;d m.ijor of miiitia know of ait or hs professors'? Mr. Garrick,
ta >u^ I a lLtle mm, is a great genius!—a man for whom duchesses are
dying by doz-?n«, sir! Read the bill, sir!—Read what the great poet,
Pope, siys of him, sir—'• That he will never have a lival!"
MAJ. T lat will depend entirely upon whether or not he makes love to
acertiin beauii.'ul creature of my acquaintance. For, by the powers, if
he play Romeo to Lady 0 Leary's Juliet, he'll have Major Derrydown
tor a rival i i spite of Pope or Pretender, as the saying is.
LADY 0. Don't talk nonsense, Major! Where is Mr. Hard up? It is
nea ly half-past five—the doois will be opened, and we shall get no
seat-^—
M A J . This door leads to the theatre. Let's go in and beat up his
quarters. I'll teach him the respect due to a lady of quality, and a major of the Westmeath Militia.
[ Exeunt through c. D P..
Enter GINGLE, L. D.

-' GINGLE. {looking about him). " Thus far into the bowrels of the land
have we match'd on without impediment.1' They said the manager
was in this room: " There's no such thing !" Well, I must sit down at all
events, for I'm tired IO death! Five-and-twenty mi es have I walked
this blessed day, and without eating since my bieakfast. (Jakes out a pinybill) The sight of this bill, however, as I entere i the town, gave m^ Iresh
spirits. Girrick is here !—the great unrivalled Garrick ! J f l c uld but
get an engagement—were it only to carry a letter, or de.iver a messaue ;
anything by which I might meet the eye of the great Roscius, and, perhaps, obtain his approbation and patronage—who knows what might
happen? He might take me with him to London—get me an appe trance at Drury Lane—fdncy our names in ihe same bill—"Duke of Gloster, Mr. G:urick—The Lord Mayor, Mr. Gingle, from the Theatre Royal,
Ballinaslouath (being his first appearance in London)." Oh, ambition!
" By that si i fell the angels !" 1 can't help it. I feel somehow, I shall
be somebody, some day or another.
" Swift it mounts on ea2le's wings;
Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings."
There must be a chance for me here, (looking at the bill) They seem
horribly off for members, f.i.dthe wlii le family is pressed into the service.
(reads) " Ghost, Mr. Hard up—Ophelia, Miss Polly Hurdup—and Polonius and Osrick, doub ed by Mr. Terence Hardup." They're all Hardup! If they'd let me play 0>rick, now, I might make—"a hit, my lord
—a palpable hit! " Somebody comes—shouid it be the manager ! "
41

Hold, hold, my heart—
And you, my sinews, grow not instant old
But bear me stiffly up." (retires u. H.)

THE GAEEICK EKVEtt..,

7

Enter HARDUP, C , not seeing GINGLE.

HARDUP* T'ne doors are open ! The house is crammed to the ceiling,
and no G.irr ck !—no tidings of him ! What shall 1 do ?
GIN. No Gairick ! •' Angels and ministers of grace defend me ! "
HARD. 1 must change the play, and nuke an apology. Return the
money I will not.
GIN. (t/sule). " Oa ! my prophetic soul !" It's the manager.
HARD. And the splendid supper I ordered at the Kind's Arms for tli3
gyeat Roscius Mid afewselect fijemls after the play.
GIN. Splendid supper J A u d i who ' am as hungry as the sea, and
could digest as much
"
HARD. 1 must send immediately, and countermand that.
GIN. (aside). •'Oh, cuised spite ! " Cotmteimand the supper! I've a
great mind—if I could only be sureHARD. But what shall l s i y t o the audience? Read them Mr Garrick's letter, in which he positively promises to be here, and say, that as
I'm an utter stianger to that gentleman-——
GIN. An utier stranger ! Good !
1
HARD. I am at a loss to imagine the cause of his non-nppearance, and
that I throw myself upon the generosity of—&c, & c , &e.
GIN. I will—L'd run the risk—I'm up in the part. They can but pelt
me, and I'm used lo that.
HARD. Here goes, if I die for it!
GIN. And here goes, if I d e for it! (advancing and laying his hand on
JIARDUP'S, an he is about io move) " Rest, rest, perturbed spirit! "
' HARD. Hullo! Who are you?
GIN. *• Tnine evermore, while this machine is to him, Hamlet! "
HARD. JLmilet! Is it possible? Can it be? (aside) It's about the
heights—the—age—the-—(aloud) My dear sir, I'm on the rack. Speak—
your name ?
GIN. D. G. (aside) That's no lie, at any rate.
HARD. Ah ! you then aie
GIN. I am.

-

HARD. The great—the unrivalled
GIN. Nay, my dear sir
HARD. The immortal Mr. Garrfck!
GIN. You are too polite.
HARD. Oh, sir! pemnit me—(offering to embrace him.)
GIN. With all my heart, (they embrace.)
HARD. YOU have snatched me from the very depth of despair.
GIN. You seemed rather down in tiie mouth, I confess.
HARD, (aside). Down in the mouth \ How familiar! How void of all,
affectation! As if he had known me for yea's. There's the mark of
your truly great man. {aloud) But, excuse me, you are covered with
dust; you have walked
GIN. Y«>U are right.
HARD. S me accident?

GIN. R ght again.
HARD. AS I sm-pected ! Your carnage broke down?
GIN. Worse than that.
HARD. Worse ! Gracious powers ! You are not hurt %
GIN. NO ; but I've had a narrow escape.
HARD. The horses ran away t
GIN. No—I Tan away.
HARD. You!

8

THE

GAEKICK: FEYEB.

GIN. When I could fight no. longer.
HARD. Fight I Preserve me! i ftared as much ! You were stopped
on tiie road i
'' GIN. By a band of highwaymen armed to the teeth. Postijion severely wounded—horses killed—chaise ransacked—portmanteau, trunk, hatbox, sword-case—all gone !
HARD. Terrible 1 And your servant—you had a servant *!
GIN. Doirt mention him, cowardly dog! Left me to fight for myself.
HARD. In league with the villains, perhaps.
GIN. Shouldn't be at all surprised.
But here I am, fafe and sm r.d ;
though how I got here, I hardly know. I knew you expected mebe t\Ae<n
four and five, in time to dress. 1 walked the last five milts leady to
drop.
HARD .Bless my soul—bless my soul! You shall have some lefreshmeni
instantly. One moment, my dear sir, only to set, our friends at rest,
Mrs. Hardup—Mr. -Undertone—Mr. Garrick's come! Mr. Gairick has
arrived ! (rum out, calling, c. J>.)
GIN. Well, I'm astonished at my impudence, and frightened into the
bargain, now I've done it. If anybody here should happen to know Mr.
Garrick, what would become of me 1 I shall never be able to keep it up.
I've a great mind to run for it now. I will, too, while the coast is clear,
{going L.)
Enter POLLY {dressed as OPHELIA), carrying wine and cake on a smalt
tray, L.
POLLY (L.). If yon please, sir, here's some wine and—gracious ! what
do I see ? * Mr. Gingle !
r GIN. ( R . ) . My lair unknown ! Powers of love ! my Ions-lost—:—
.. POL. .HOW on earth came you here 1 If my father should know——
GIN. "Who is your father ?
POL. The manager—Mr. Hardup.
GIN. The devil he is !
POL. Yes; and if he finds you in this house
GIN. He shan't—I'm off.
Re-enter HARDUP, C.

POL. It's too late !^-he's here!
HARD. Mr. Garrick ! Mr. Garrick! I've arranged everything, (crosses
<oc.)
POL. Mr. Garrick!
GIN. (aside). There's nothing for it, but brazen r ng it out..(aload)
Well, sir ! (makes signs to POLLY, who stands, R. H., in astonishment.')
HARD, ( a ) . I've been forward, sir just as 1 am, to the public, who
were getting rather impatient, and begged their permission to perform
the farce—a short, neat piece—first, in order to give you time to dress,
and refresh yourself.
GIN. (L.). YOU are very kind, but I really feel so unwell, that I don't
think I can act to-night at a 1.
HARD. 01), sir! Mr. Garrick! don't say so. Take some wine, sir.
{lumdimj him wine.) - • .
GIN. Yes, I'll take some wine, but I don't think it possible that I can
play Hamlet.
POL. (aside). I'm sure he can't. Why, they hissed him as Bernardo.
HARD. My dear Mr, Garrick, consider the consequences. It would be
ruin to me. Take another glass, sir ! You'll be better presently.

THE

GAKEICK FEVER,

9

POL. {aside), .He'll be. tipsy presently—that will be the end of it.
GTN." Not bad sherry; by anjr means.
HARD. 1 am de.ighLed you fancy it. It's from the King's Arms over
the w.ty—a cipital house. I've tiken the liberty of ordering a little supper there, after the play, and trust you will do me the honor—»-GIN. YOU are very kind 1 Wouldn't there be time before the play—-I'm
rather peckish.
HARD. I'm afnid not before.
GrN. Well, " after be it, then," as Richard says.
HARD. But a wing of a fowl, perhaps, while you dress——
GIN. Dress! Ah ! T.ierel (aside) A capital excuse! {aloud') You see
it's impossible 1 can play—I have LO dress—those rascals have taken
all.
HARD. Don't be uneasy, sir ; I've thought of everything. As luck
would have it, Doctor K hnany, who is just your size, was in the stagebox, in a new black velvet suit. I told him your predicament, and, in the
h mdsomest manner possible, he volunteered to go home, and change his
dr^ss, and send you the new suit in a twinkling.
GrN. How very polite ! {aside) There's no backing out any way !
POL. {(Side). He doesn't mean—surely he never will have the impudence
Enter CALL BOY, with a handle, L. II.
BOY. Dr. Kilmany's servant, sir, brought this bundle, with his master's
Compliments.
HARD. That's right—take it into that room. Mr. Garrick will dress
there. I'll see if all is reidy, sir. « [Exit with CALL BOY into room, L.
POL. There—now! Run ! Now!
GIN. What for?
POL. Why, to get off with a whole skin, to be sure.
GIN. Pooh ! pooh !
POL. Pooh ! pooh ! Are you mad 1 Or are you tipsy, already ?
GIN. Tipsy] No! " T i n t which hath made them drunk, hath mademe bold !" " There is a tide in the affairs of man, which, if taken at the
flood, leads on to fortune.'* I've got a chance at last, and 1 won't fling it
away.
POL. You'll stay ?
GIN. I'll stay.
POL. And play Hamlet 1
GIN. And play'Hamlet!
POL. AS Mr. Ganick ?
GIN. Peril ips not exactly as Mr. Garrick. I don't presume-*-*—
POL. I mean in his name ?
GIN. Decidedly! I'm perfect in the part—studied it long ago.
POL. There'll be murder!
GIN. Don't be rude, Miss Hardup.
POL, Dear Mr. Gingle ! for my sake >
GIN. It is for your sake ! When you played at Cons, under the name
of Hopkins, you told me your father would never g"ve his consent, unless I bec<m.' ** somebody " in mv profession.. This is the first chance
I've had—and I t«ll you I won't fling it away !
POL. But how came you to b3 mistaken for Mr. Garrick 1
GIN. l ' B > innocent of the k:iOvvledg3, dearest chuck, till they applaud the deed!'*
" POL. App aud! They'll fling the benches at you !
GIN. I don't care! I'm desperate! " My f ite cries out, and makes*
each petty artery in this body as hardy as the Nemean lion's nerve."

10

Tflfi GABlilCK PEVEB.

Enter HAKDUP from room, R- ; and LADY O'LEARY and MAJOR DERBY-

DOWN, from c. D.

LADY^O

\

Bravo!

Cravo1

{they applaud.)

HARD. Beautiful!
LADY 0. Sublime!

MAJ. AS a puddle in a storm!
GIN. {to POLLY). There !—you hear?
LADY 0. Mr. Hardtip, pre>ent me. I entreat, to your illustrious friend.
HARD. Mr. Garrick, allow me to introduce Lady O'Leary, relict of Sir
PheLm O'Leary, late member for the county, {aside to him) A widow
with two thousand a year.
GIN. {aside). Two thousand! (aloud, and crossing ton. c.) Madam, I—^
Ahem ! " If I profane, with my unworthy hands, this holy shrine—the
gentle fine is this—-" {kissing her hand.)
LADY 0. 0!i! Mr. Garrick ! this is the proudest moment of my life !
GIN. {aside). Gad, if it wasn't for
[looking at POLLY.)
HARD, (L. C ) . Major D^rrydown, of the Westmeath militia, {presenting MAJOR DERIIYDOWN, who bows stiffly.)

GIN. Major, I'm yours—to the ground, {bowing to the ground.)
MAJOR ( L . ) . Faith, and you may soon be there, without breaking
your neck, my honey—for it's a small way you a:e above it, at any"
time.
HARD. I believe I did introduce my daughter, Miss Polly Hardup,
who wiil have the honor to play
GIN. (crosses to L. a ) . " My soui's i lol. the most beautified Ophelia !"
"Nymph, in thy or.sons, be all my sins remembered.''
LADY 0. How a p t ! How delicate! Why, Major
MAJOP. My beauty !

LADY 0. You don't seem struck by him.
MAJOR. By the powers! I wish I was—for I'm in a mighty good hujnor to strike him again.
LADY 0. Stiike Garrick4 What profanity !
CALL BOY (within, L.). Farce over, ladies and gentlemen !
HARD. There! The Farce over, I declare, and you have not begun
to dress yet! My dear sir, you'll find everything in that room ! I have
to play the Ghost—bat I shan't be five minutes—all the rest are ready.
Mr. Undertone!
Enter UNDERTONE, L. D.
UNDERTONE ( L . ) . Sir.

HARD. Send Mr. Garrick's dresser to him directly, with my best sword
and the ribbon.
UNDER. Yes, sir. Shall I rin? in the overture 1
HARD. Not yet! not yet! Give us all the time you can J {exit UNDERTONE, c.) Now, my dear sir

, GIN. But you said something about the wing of a fowl.
HARD. It will be here directly.
Enter DRESSER, C.

Here's your dresser! Quick, Dennis, and show Mr. Garrick every attention. I must fly !
[Exit, R . D.
GIN. {aside). Another glass—just to—" Screw my courage to the sticking place ! " {taking wine.)
POL. You'll be tipsy. /

THE GAEU1CK FEVEtt.

.11

GIN. " Not a jot! not a j o t ! '' {drinks and sings.)
"'Tis wine inspires us, and fires us
Willi courage, love and joy !" [Exit GINGLE, L. D.
LADYO. (R.). Delightful! What a voice! What expression! His
genius,is umivalled.
MAJOR ( C ) . He sings—as he looks—like a crow in a gutter.
POL. (L ). M;jjor! you're jealous.
MAJOR. M iy be I am.

LADY 0. M:.j«>r ! you're a fool
MAJ.)R. I'm not such a f >ol ns he looks—nny way.
LADY 0. Mr. Gat-rick look a fool! Major !
MAJOR. My jewel!

LADY 0. Don't speak to me again this night!
MAJOR. I'm as dumb as a fish ! But I'll speak to little Davy, there,
and pretiy -plainly, 1 warrant ine.
POL. Little Davy ! Mr. Ganick is six feet high when he's in a passion, sir..
MAJOR. Then I'll make him a foot taller before he's an hour older—•
take my word lor it!
LADY 0., What ! Would you pick a quarrel with him? Why don't
you answer me, Major 1
MAJ B.*caiuie you told me not to speak to you again to-night.
LADY 0. You shall never speak to me again, if you do not instantly
protni&e to di op all idea of so monstrous a proceeding. Swear to me
that you wi.l not hurt a hair of
[DRESSER runs out of room, L. H.
DRESSER. Mr. Garrick's wig ! Mr. Gairick's wig!
Enter HAIR DRESSER, with wig% and mins against him.
Ugh ! You stupid fellow can't you see ?
[Exit with wig,
MAJ. ThiM-e ! I've hurt it by deputy '
LADY 0. No evasion, sir ! Swear !
HARD, {underneath stage). Swear !
LADY 0. Mercy upon me!
MAJ. What the devil's that 1
POL. It's only papa! He's dressing for the Ghost, in tho room below,
and heard his cue.
LADY 0. 1 declare he frightened me out of my wits ! But, come, Major ! I insist, on pain of my lasting displeasure
MAJ. Weil, theie then! 1 bind myself over to keep the peace, upon
one condition
. LADY 0. And what may that be 1
MAJ. That you'll fix the day, my darling—the happy day !
LADY 0. Major! how can you ! before that young person! Another
lime—when we are by ourselves !
MAJ. By and by, then—in the orchestra—behind the big drum.
Enter CALL BOY, L. n. D.

BOY. Here's a Jetter.for the master, if you please, miss.
POL. {aside, looking at it) The Dublin post-mark, and D. G. in the corner! It must be from Mr. Garrick, to explain his absence. What's to
be done 1 If I give it to my father, poor Gingle is ruined ! He must not
see it, yet! {aloud) Very we.1—it's post-paid, I see—you needn't wait.
I'll give it to him.
[Exit CALL BOY, a
Whne the play's over, perhaps ! {puts it in her pocket.)

12

TTtE GAItKlCiC FEVER*

CALL BOY (ivithin, c ) . Overture on, ladies! Overture on, gentlemen !
POL. (to LADY O'LEARY). There's the overture begun, my lady!
Won't your ladyship go down to your seat ! (crosses to c.)
LADY 0. Not yet—not yet! Do you go down, Major, and keep it for
me.
MAJ. (aside, going up c ). Faith, it's bothered enough I will be to keep
my own seat. This divan in.* vagabond has made the ould girl so skittish, she'll fling m», to a certainty.
LADY 0. Well, ain't y c i gone, Mnj>r?
MA.T. TO be sure'I am, my darling. Don't you see I'm gone! (as>de)
This is t!i3 lask, stag3 of tha Garriuk Fever, and she miy be carried off
by it! I'il gel the big drummer to be my deputy, and steal up asain to
watc » the proceedings.
[Exit MAJOR DWBRYDOWN, C.
POL. Heie comes papa and mamma, in their new dresses, ready for
the tragedy.
Enter HARDUP. dressed as GHOST, with hi* face floured; MRS. HARDUP, as
QUEEN; MR. PUMPWELL, as CLAUDIUS; and other performers as PoLONIUS, LAERTES, §C, §c, R. H.

HARD. Well! well! Is Mr. Girrick dressed ? I want to run through
our first scene, before we ring up. (knocking at door of room, L. H.) MI*.
Garrick! are you ready ?
GIN. (ivithin, L ). Where's that wing of a fowl you promised me ?
HARD. B^ess my soul! haven't I hey sent it 1 (calling oft\ L. H,) Kitty" 1
run to the King's Arms, and ask why they have not sent the fowl I ordered for Mr. Garrick. " Minder most foul as in the best it i s ! But this,
most foul, strange, and unnatural."
Enter GIGGLE, from room, L. H., dressed as HAMLET.
GINGLE. ' : Haste me to know it, that I, with wings as swift as meditation, or the thoughts of love, may sweep to my revenge."
LADY 0. (R ). Exquisite !

HARD. (L. C ) . What Aral
LADY 0. What pathos! Nobody but Garrick could speak like that!
POL. (aside). And yet, Shakespeare says, " What's in a namel "
LADY 0. What an eye he has ! It pene;rates the soul!
GIN. Like a cobbler's awl! eh, my lady? Sharp's the word, and
quick's the motion. I hate your dull, drawling fellows, who dole out
speeches at a line a minute by a stop-watch. I'm ior getting over the
ground^—flustering an audience—taking 'em by storm. Eh, Mr. Thingemniy ?
HARD. Undoubtedly, sir. Listen, listen, gentlemen, to the great master of your art.
POL. He's taken too much sherry—I knew he would !
HARD. Shall we run through your.first scene, as we've had no rehearsal 1 I think there's just time.
GIN. AS you please, my dear fellow ; anything to be agreeable
LADY 0. How condescending !

HARD.. Mrs. Hardup, you hear Mr. Garrick ! Mr. Pumpwell, you'll
give the cue. if you plea e.
PUMP. "And now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son
"
GIN. There's a li.tle more sherry in that decanter. I beg your pardon, what did you say 1

THE-SA-KKICK FETEB.

13

PUMP. " And now, mv cousin Hamlet, and my son • *••"GIN a A little moie than kin, and le^s than kind
"
PUMP '• How is it that the clouds still hang on j o u ? "
GIN. ''Not so, my loid! I am too much 1' the sun."
POL. (a ide) He has been too much in I he sun, as the saying is.
MRS HARDUP. * Good Hamlet, cist thy nighted color off, and let
thine eye look like a tnend on Denmaik
"
Enter CALL BOY, with chicken, §c, on tray, L.
GIN I beg your pardon again, but bore's my chicken and—" I have
that within which pi>seth show." Nevermind me—' Goon! I'll follow thee!'" You see I'm at the wing'
HARD. H a ' ha 1 excellent! At the wing ! A professional joke, my
lady!
LADY 0. What w t ' What playful fancy !
CALL BOY (to HARDUP) And please, sir, there's a gentleman below,
as corned m bv the Dublin Mail, and wishes to know if you've ever got
a lettei fio»i Mr G.unck?
POL. Oh. meicy!
GIN (aside). A letter fiom me !
HARD. A letter fiom Mi. Gamck ? Why, to be sure I have—had it a
week aiio What does the man mean ?
LADY 0. He wants tho autogiaph, no doubt. But don't let him have
it. It you part with it at all let it be to me. I'll give you ten guineas
for it.
GIN. Nonsense, my lady ! I'll wi ite you as many as you please, (aside)
Love lettei s.
LADY 0. Oh, Mr Gariick! Fascinating creature!
CALL BOY (to HARDUP). If you please, sir, what am I to say to tho

gentleman ?
HARD. Tell him I'm just going on the stage with Mr. G"»n ick, and I
can t be troubled now. He must call to-monow moi\ mg if he wants, to
see me.
CALL BOY. Very well, sir.
[Exit CALL BOY, L. D.
POL. (aside). It's all over with us*—there is a letter—it came this
evening—I've got it in my pocket!
GIN. The dev.l !
HARD, (crosses to L. ). What does she say about a pocket *
GIN. Nothing ' Only pzomptmsr me—" That from a shelf the precious
diadem stole, and put it in his pocket " Come, ladies and genth men, it
must be near the time, let us £0 down upon the stage. Mud, I give
you all notice, though I say it that shouldn't say it, }ou aie going to see
such a piece of tiagic aciing as \ou never saw befoie m all your lives.
OMNES. We have no doubt of it!
[Exeunt all, c D , but POLLY and LADY O'LEARY.

POL. (L , detaining LADY O'LEARY) One woid, if you please, my lad v.
LADY 0. (R.). What, now, my dear child! Impossible I I shall
miss his entree—his lecepti.on !
POL. Oh, but indeed, my lady, you must hear me I It's of the greatest consequence ! I shall be ruined if you don't.
„ LADY 0 Meicyon the child! Speak quickly, then 1 What i§ the
hotter? - " POL. It must be ftfdnd out, and lncVn\y lather Mill kill us both, if
you don't interfere. ~
LADY 0. Both 1 What, you and me, child \
POL, NO, my lady—me and Gmgle*

14

TEE GAEEICK FEVER.

LADY 0. dingle ! Who's Gingle.
POL. Mr. Decimus Gingle; the \oung man who is playing Hamlet.
LADY 0. The poor giil has l o t her senses, surely! Hamlet! You
don't mean Hamlet, child! Mr. Garrick is playing Hamlet!
POL. That is not Mr. Garrick, my lady.
LADY 0. Not Mr. G.rrick, Miss Polly Hardup! Are you really mad,
or do you mean to insult me ?
POL. No, indeed, my lady. Mr. Girrick has not arrived. Here's a
lettlefiom him, most likely to explain— you heard what the boy fraid,
just now, about tl.e gentleman, my lady 1
LADY 0. I shall go crazy myseif. Is it possible that anyone can have
dared to assume
POL. It was* for my sake, my lady. Mr. Gingle thought if lie succeed*
ed father would give his consent.
LADY 0 . And 1 had nearly quarrelled with the major about this impostor!
POL. O'I, dear, my lady !
LADY 0. Hava been trapped into praising, and admiring a trumpery
strolling player—a fellow wi'hout fame, figure, voice, or any single re*
commendation for his profession.
POL. Oh, my lady !
LADY 0. A stamping, storm'ng, ranting, vulgar, horrid little wretch!
POL. Indeed and indeed, my lady, he may not be a very good actor,
but he's a very nice youna man.
CALL BOY {looking w, a ) . Stage is waiting, miss !
POL. The stag3 waiting f o r m e ! Oh, dear! what shall I do?—what
shall I do ?
[Exit POLLY, C
LADY 0. I'm ready to sink with shame—T, who have been considered
1
r
an oracle on sue ) matters. The more I think of i , the more astonished
I am that I could be deceived for a moment. He, Hamlet! He's no
more like Hamlet
Enter MAJOR, C.

MAJOR \mtcrbig). Exactly my opinion, Lady O'Leary; and I'm delighted to find you've come round to it, at last, where'er you have been
to get it. But the public, you see, are not of the same way of thinking.
LADY 0. (R. a ) . The public!

MAJOR (L. C ). Did you ever hear such acclamations—such a hubaboo of applause, in your born days ?
LADY 0. At his entrance, of course.
MAJOR. At his exit—at the end of his ghost scene, and all through it
as well. Devil a word in twenty could you hear for the shouting.
They've got the Garrick fever, my lady, badly, and a noisy disorder it is.
LADY 0. You don't say so 1

MAJOR. Why, where could your ladyship be, not to hear'it yourse'f 1
LADY 0. (aside). If it should be Girrick after all. The Major is no
judge of acting, and the girl herself may be mistaken. There certainly
was a sort of a kind of a — (aloud) I have not seen the performance. I was
detained by particular business; but I will hasten and pronounce at
once upon his merits.
Enter HARDUP, MRS. HARDUP, POLLY, <md ACTORS, hastily;

bearing GIGGLE, in a chairs C.
HARDUP. This way ! tbia way 1 Take care 1 Quietly 1

the lattet

THE

GA.EBJG& F E T E S .

15

M R ? H ( M r # Warrick I i a s t i n t e d ! Mr. Garrick is very ill!
HARD. (L. C ). Have you such a thing as a smelling bottle, my lady?
LADY 0. ( R . ) . Here! here! Bless iny soul!
HARD. H »W unfortunate ! In tl>e midst of such a magnificent effort,
ivith the house i;i a tumult of applause.
POL. (L., aside). U'a the wine !—1 knew it wou'd be so! He's not
use I to it!
Mas II. (R. C ). He opens his eyes ! He moves !
HARD, (L C ). D.> you feel a little better, sir 1
GIN ( a ) . " S >eak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you
—(hiccups) trippingly on the tongue."
MAJOR ( R . ) . 111! Why. the man's drunk !
GIN. (st layering up). '• To be or not to be, that's the question.'*
HARD. Mr. Girrick drunk ! Impossible !
GIN. " M.v cu-tom always in the afternoon."
LADY 0. ( R . ) . HOW very disgraceful, {aside) It cannot be Mr. Garrick.
MRS. H. I'm all astonishment.
GIN. " Oh, wonderful son, that can so astonish a mother."
HARD. Was there ever anything so provoking ? I must make an apol6gs, after all, or dismiss the audience.
GIN. "Alas, poor ghost!"— ; 'Lady, shall I lie in your lap?" (to
LADY O ' L E A R Y . )

LADY 0. Major, protect me !
MAJOR. Keep off, fellow ! or I'll make a tragedy actor of you in earnest.
GCN. You ! You make a tragedy actor of m3 ! I defy you ! I scorn
your words, sir! I can draw, sir,as well as you, sir. {draws. The WOMEH
scream*)
HARD. H^re'll be bloodshed! Major! Mr. Garrick !
GIN. {trying to pass at the MAJORJ. " A rat! a r a t ! a r a t ! Dead for a
ducat!—dead!"
POL. Ginsle! My dear Gingle I (pulling his coat.)
ALL. (but LADY O'LAERY). Gin^le !

HARD. Ginole ! Wiiat does the wench mean by Gingle 1
LADY 0. That you have been imposed upon, as this letter may perhaps explain, {gives letter to HARDUP.)
HARD. T o m e ! (breaking open letter hastily—reads).
" Dear sir,
" I have just discovered, io my great concern, that I have misdirecte l two letters, and sent you the answer to a dinner invitation trom a
friend a few miles out of Dublin. I enclose, in all haste, the note intended for you, declining, with many thanks, your liberal proposal, and
trust it will arrive in tima to prevent any dis\ppointment to the public.
" Your obedient servant,
"D.G."
D. G.! Confusion ! Then who the devil are you ?
GIN. Your obedient servant, D. G.
H£RD

D. G.!

What D. G. ?

How D. G-1

GIN. Decinius Gingle!
HARD. Tiie fellow"who made love to my daughter at Gorki
GIN. ' : Toe same, mv lord, and your poor servant ever."
MAJOR. (Intghing) H i ! h a ! my lady! "You don't se^m struck by
bim ! — W'Nat a voice!—What expression ! His genius is universal V*
LAOY & laughed at by hitn} too, I shall d&'with vexation !

16

THE- GAIUtlCK TETE^.

POL. (aside, on her R. n ;. oiy you Knew it uu. uie while, my iady, and
kept the secret to serve me. Nobody can laugh at you then.
LADY 0. An excellent idea !
HARD. YOU drunken rascal ! You shall suffer for this !
GIN. That I shall! I've a horrid headache to begin with.
HARD. You've ruined me ! (POLLY goes to LADY 0 LEARY, and entreat*

her to interfere )
GIN. Don't say so, sir! I hoped to make your fortune, and my own
too. It's all the fault of the sherry—upon an empty stomach.
HARD. I wish it had been poison, with all my heart.
Enter UNDERTONE, C.

UNDER. Mr. Hardup. There's a terrible noise in front, sir. They're
calling lor the m-inager.
HARD. I can't face 'em ! Do you go, Mr. Undertone. Tell 'em
> GIN. NO —stop ! 111 go I I don't nuid an apple or two—and I'm getting sober fast.
HARD. GO to the devil! They'll want their money again !
LADY 0. {advancing R.). And if they do, I'll mike it up to you!
. HARD. YOU, my lady] Wny, it's a hundred and twenty pounds !
LADY 0. I have prom.se 1 my goi-daughter, Miss Polly Hardup, to
arrange matteis between you, and I shall keep my word. Tne young
man, I am assured, is not a habitual drunkard, aud he miy have talent
in another line.
- MAJOR. To judge from his figure he'd be better in Low Comedy than
High Tragedy.
POL. Nay! You must own, father, that you said he was magnificent,
even in Hamlet, as far as he went.
HARD. Yes, because I thought he was Mr Gurrick-and of course—
POL. And because he is not Mr. Garrick, you wdl say he has no meiit
at all.
HARD. If he can get me out of this scrape with the audience, I'll say
whatever you please.
GIN. Done! It's a bargain' I'd go forward to them, and I'll say—»
11
Ladies and Gentlemen,
" I throw myself on the generosity of an enlighteried Public ! I candidly confess to you (hat I am not the immortal Mr. Garrick ! But don't
beangiy ! I assumed his nams in the humble hope of affording you
some entertainment. This is mv first appearance in Hamlet. I took the
part at a very short notice, and respectfully solicit the usual indulgence."
CUETA1K
PUMPWELL.
MRS.

HARDRP.

MR. UNDERTONE.
POLLY.

LADY O'LEARY.
[AJOfc,

fry

GINGLE.
HARDUP,

L.

No.
K. J».
Lancashire Lass, melodrama, 5 acts.12 3 61. Plot and Passion, drama, 3 a c t s . . . . 7 2
Larkijas' Love Letters, farce, 1 act.. 3 2 138. Poll and Partner Joe, burlesque, 1
act
10 3
L'Article 47, drama, 3 acts.
11 5
Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts
7 2 110. Poppleton's Predicaments, farce, 1 3 6
8 2
Life Chase, drama, 5 acts
14 5 50. Porter's Knot, drama, 2 acts
3
.... 3 2
m. Living Statue (The), farce, 1 a c1t act. 2 4 59. Post Boy, drama, 2 acts l a c t . . 5 10
95. Pretty Horse-Breaker, farce,
3
LittleAhnie's Birthday, farce,
181 and 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acts.38 8
48. Little Rebel, farce, 1 act
4 3
32. Little Ruby* drama, 3 acts
6 6 157. Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act. . . 5 2
164. Locked In, comedietta, 1 act.
2 2 196. Queerest Courtship (The), comic op
eretta, 1 act
, 1 1
109. Locked In with a Lady, sketch, 1 act. 1 1
85. Locked Out, comic scene
10
1 2 132. Race for a Dinner, farce, 1 act
87. Lodgers and Dodgers, farce, 1 act.. 4 2 183. Richelieu, play, 5 acts
16 2
143. Leap Year, musical duality, 1 act... 1 1 38. Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts
10 2
189. Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts
10 3 77. Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 a c t s . . . . 8 4
163. Maria and Magdalena, play, 4 acts . 8 6 13. Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts
12 4
154. Marriage at Any; Price, farce, 1 act. 5 3 194. Rum, drama, 3 acts
„
7 4
MasterJon.es' Birthday, farce, 1 act. 4 2 195. Rosemi Shell, travesty, 1 act, 4
scenes
6 3
Maud's Peril, drama, 4 acts
5 3
6 6
Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act
8 2 158. School, comedy, 4 acts
15. Milky White, drama, 2 acts
4 2 79. Sheep in Wolf's Clothing, drama, 1 7 5
37. Silent Protector, farce, 1 act
3 2
46. Miriam's Crime, drama, 3 acts
5 2
,2 1
51. Model of a Wife, farce, 1 act
3 2 35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act
184. Money, comedy, 5 acts
17 3 43. Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act.. 7 2
6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act. 2 1
108. Mr. Scroggins, farce, 1 act
3 3
188. Mr. X., farce, 1 act
3 3 10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act.. 1 1
16 5
169. My Uncle's Suit, farce, 1 act
4 1 26. Society, comedy, 3 acts
My Wife's Diary, farce, 1 act
3 1 78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act.. 7 3
3
My Wife's Out, farce, 1 act
2 2 31. Taming a Tiger, farce. 1 act
150. Tell-Tale Heart, comedietta, 1 act.. 1 3
193. My Walking Photograph, musical
duality, 1 act
1 1 120. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act. 2 1
146. There's no Smoke Without Fire,
Never Reckon Your Chickens, etc.,
comedietta, 1 act
1 2
farce, 1 act
3 4
115. New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 5 83. Thrice Married, personation piece,
lact...
...:..... 6 1
Nobody's Child, drama, 3 acts
8 3
2.
4 4 42. Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts.. 7 3
57. Noemie, drama, 2 acts
drama,
7 5 27. Time and Tide, drama, 3 acts and
104. No Name,Jealous, 5 acts 1 act
prologue..
,.... 7 5
a Bit
farce,
3
112. Not So Bad as We Seem, play, 5 acts. 14 3 133. Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act. 4 2
Not
3
185. Not Guilty, drama, 4 acts
153. 'Tis Better to Live than to Die,
.10 6
84.
farce, 1 act
2 1
117. Not Such a Fool as He Looks, drama, 5 4 134. Tompkins the Troubadour, farce, 1 3 2
3acts
171. Nothing Like Paste, farce, 1 a c t . . . . 3 1 29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 a c t . . . . 5 3
168. Tweedie's Rights, comedy, 2 acts.. 4 2
14. No Thoroughfare, drama, 5 acts and
6 3
prologue.
13 6 126. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act
173. Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act.... 3 3 56. Two Gay Deceivers, farce, 1 act... •. 3
4 4
176. On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act... 1 2 123. Two Potts, farce, 1 act
90. Only a Halfpenny, farce, 1 act
2 2 198. Twin Sisters (The), comic operetta,
lact
3 1
170. Only" Somebody, farce, 1 act
4 2
83. One too Many for Him, farce, 1 act. 2 3 162. Uncle's Will, comedietta, 1 act
2 1
3. £100,000, pomedy, 3 acts
8 4 106. Up for the Cattle Show, farce, 1 act. 6 2
3 3
97. Orange Blossoms, comedietta, 1 act. 3 3 81. Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act
124. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act
6 6
Orange Girl, drama, in prologue
7 2
and3acts
18 4 91. Walpole, comedy, 3 acts
, . . . 6 3 118. Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 3 '
172. Ours, comedy, 3 acts
7 5 44. War to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts. . . 5 . 4
94. Our Clerks, farce, 1 act.
Which
2
45. Our Domestics, comedy farce, 2 acts 6 6 105. Who isof the Two? comedietta, lact 3 10
Who? farce, 1
2
military
155. Our Heroes,drama in play, 5 acts.. .24 5 98. Widow Hunt, comedy, act
12.
3 acts
4 4
Out at Sea,
prologue and
178. 4acts..;
5. William Tell with a Vengeance,
...
16 5
burlesque
8 2
147. Overland Route, comedy, 3 acts... .11 5
156. Peace at Any Price, farce, 1 act
1 1 136. Woman in Red, dnama, 3 acts and
prologue
6
82. Peep o' Day, drama, 4 acts
12 4
127. Peggy Green, far.e, 1 act
3 10 161. Woman's Vows and Mason's Oaths,
4 acts.
10 4
Petticoat-Parliament, extravaganza,
in one act
15 24 11. Woodcock's Little Game, farce, 2 4 4
Photographic Fix, farce, 1 act
3 2 % 54. Young Collegian (Cantab.), farce, 1 3 3
No.
144.
34.
137.
111.
119.

W

A

COMPLETE D E S C R I P T I V E

CATALOGUE

ijof D E W I T T ' S A C T I N G P L A Y S A N D D E W I T T ' S
E T H I O P I A N A N D C O M I C D R A M A S , containing Plot, Costume, Scenery,
Wme of Representation and every other information, mailed free and post paid.

.J

The most complete and reliable Instruction Book in the Art of
Negro Minstrelsy ever written.

BUIT CORK; or, T&B Amateur mm
A most valuable Companion and Guide for the Young Amateur.

By FRANK DUMONT, of the San Francisco Minstrels,
P R I C E , 25

CENTS.

This book contains every bit of information needed to thoroughly inforn
young amateur upon all points about Burnt Cork Minstrel Entertainments, f
the ringing up of the eurtain to the close of the performance. The work b>
the production of one of the best performers (and the best writer) on the Ethio;
Stage, Mr. Frank Dumont, is the most trustworthy book of its kind ever writ
If any one wants to rival the Christys, the Bryants, or the Campbells, who 1glittered as the Black Diaiuonds of the Darkey Drama of the past, or the Birc'
Backus of the present day, this is the book that shows how it is done, ft teahow to get ready for the stage, and what to do and say before an audience. AL
ins and outs are described—all the tricks and gags are given. If the young aspii
has any fun in him these pages show him how to bring it out. Full directions
given for managing Minstrel Shows and arranging Programmes. The Book
contains Gags, Conundrums, Stump Speeches, Comic Recitations, End M'
Talks, Finales for "first p a r t " of Entertainment, and in addition, Six C o m p l
Copyright Negro Farces.

A BOOK
FILLS

IN C O N S T A N T

A VOID LONG FELT BOTH BY
AMATEUR BLACK

DEMAND.

THE PROFESSION
OORKIST.

AND

IF

"BONES!"
HIS GAGS AND STUMP SPEECHES:
NIGGER AND DUTCH STORIES AND DIALOGUES; "BROKEN CHINEE"
DIALECT PIECES; AND QUEER CONUNDRUMS.

PRICE,

15

I

CENTS.

Among its contents will be found :
G E N U I N E D A R K E Y S T U M P S P E E C H E S , hitting off all the vagar s f
of life.
CONUNDRUMS that will set the whole continent guessing, and then the} J i
have to "give 'em up," half the time.
v
D U T C H AND Y A N K E E S T O R I E S that won't leave a button i n t a c t
unless its t a c k e d i n by one of our steel wire stitching machines.
GAGS F O R E N D M E N . The best lot of these funny questions and answer*,
ever collected. The MINSTREL, the SHOWMAN and the CIRCUS CLOWI^
will find here all they want to set the house in a rip-roarious roar.
Dutchiest kind of "
D E I T C H E R STORIES AND DIALOGUES,
NIGGER DIALOGUES, STORIES, ET ^
Full of the comical unction so peculiar to the cachinnating contraband.
^ I P E v e r y page is stuffed full of the joiliest kind of fun. There's a hearty lan^
in every line.
#** Single copies sent, postage free, to any address in the United States or Cariadv
on receipt of price.