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 FRIEND PERDITUS
 
 FRIEND PERDITUS 
 
 g BoM 
 
 BY 
 
 MARY H. TENNYSON 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON : CHAPMAN AND HALL 
 
 Limited 
 
 1890 
 
 [All Rights reserved']
 
 WESTMINSTER ; 
 
 PRINTED BY NICHOLS AND SONS, 
 
 25. PARLIAMENT STREET.
 
 8S3 
 
 FRIEND PERDITUS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 To be born once happens to everyone ; b*it 
 
 to come into the world a second time and to 
 3 retain a distinct and vivid remembrance of 
 '^the sensations of entering life must surely 
 (^be accounted a singular experience. My 
 5 story is, to say the least, an unusual one, so 
 
 unusual in fact that as yet I have never 
 
 ^ heard its exact parallel. 
 
 Qi T-o me the physiological conditions of my 
 
 - case are very difficult of comprehension ; 
 
 imay be those more scientifically learned 
 
 vtlian I am will understand the causes and 
 
 their curious effect better than I do myself, 
 4^ VOL. I. ^ i^ B
 
 Priend Perditus. 
 
 but out of the strange circumstances of my 
 second birth I have evolved a theory, which 
 theory is, that infants and very young chil- 
 dren are by no means the mindless, sense- 
 less beings they are usually accredited. 
 
 Not very long ago I met a man who 
 stated as a fact that he recollected perfectly 
 well making reasonable resolves in his mind 
 before his infant tongue obtained the power 
 of expression, and that on one occasion, see- 
 ing his nurse devouring a delicacy that had 
 been sent up to him from the dessert table, 
 he had, while suffering dumbly the tortures 
 of Tantalus, firmly determined that so soon 
 as he could articulate he would inform 
 his mother of this cruel robbery of his 
 rights. 
 
 I cannot vouch for the authenticity of this 
 instance of the mental powers being de- 
 veloped earlier than the physical, but my 
 own peculiar experiences have caused me 
 to think much on this subject, and I will no 
 longer accept the trite explanation of a pin 
 or a pang of hunger as a cause for that
 
 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 quick change from dreamy thoughtful 
 gravity to annoyance and petulant anger 
 so often seen in the faces of very young 
 children. 
 
 I am firmly of the opinion that memory 
 is the most delicate and the latest developed 
 of our mental machinery, and that if it were 
 not so many tales of infant mortification 
 would be extant. So strongly am I im- 
 pressed with this feeling that I should be 
 careful to keep my conversation as pure 
 before a wide open-eyed baby as I should 
 before a young girl fresh from a convent 
 school, and though I have been the subject 
 of much laughter and some good-natured 
 derision among my acquaintances for this 
 particular fad, nothing will shake my con- 
 viction, and if I am in the right, is it 
 a subject that we can afford to make 
 light of ? 
 
 It is a matter of opinion after all. Who 
 
 dare state as a fact that these apparently 
 
 blank minds are not receptive, and if so, 
 
 who can calculate the bad balance that 
 
 B 2
 
 4 Priend Perditus. 
 
 might not be given to the mental structure 
 even at this early stage ? 
 
 My theory is that every brutal word and 
 action heard or seen by the youngest child 
 leaves an indelible impression or stain on 
 the originally fair page, and that this is the 
 only way of accounting for the saddening 
 and prodigious instances of almost infant 
 wickedness that one hears of only too often. 
 When a wretched mother takes her speech- 
 less child to the gin palace, and smiles to see 
 the air of wisdom with which it regards the 
 debasing scene and listens to words one 
 shudders at even in one's strength and 
 vigour, who can doubt whither the life of 
 the child will tend ? 
 
 All this, I frankly admit, is not strictly 
 pertinent to my story, but like all other 
 men with a crotchet I should be glad to 
 obtain as many converts to my opinion as 
 possible. Therefore I say again — 
 
 Be as careful what you say or do before 
 your babies as you are before your elder 
 children, or you may bitterly repent it in
 
 Priend Perditus. 
 
 the future. I claim the right before any- 
 other living man to dictate on this subject, 
 for I have been, as I have said, re-born, and 
 I know that I could understand some time 
 before I could make myself understood. 
 
 How often have we heard a proud young 
 mother say, " Baby is getting on wonder- 
 fully ; he can't speak at all yet, but he 
 knows every word that is said to him ; and 
 he takes such notice of everything, too ! " 
 
 Can you have a stronger argument in 
 support of my theory ? * 
 
 Very well then. Young mothers, respect 
 as well as love your babies. Don't quarrel 
 with your husbands, or be fretful, or peevish, 
 or unreasonable before them any more than 
 you would before little Alice, who is six, or 
 young Georgie, who is nearly nine. The 
 other day I heard a lisping girl of two use 
 a big big D. My hair fairly stood on end, 
 and I must admit that the mother's manner 
 of accounting for the unpleasant occurrence 
 has considerably lowered the child's father 
 in my estimation.
 
 6 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 I do not believe, however, that under any 
 conditions of precocity, a child could retaiji 
 as vivid a recollection of his original infancy 
 as I do of my second ; for this reason I 
 presume. My physical povrers were matured 
 at the time, and naturally my mental state 
 was comparatively vigorous. 
 
 « « « ^ ^ 
 
 At half-past four on the morning of the 
 sixth of August, 1880 — I can fix the date 
 and the hour now, though I was ignorant of 
 them at the time — T re-awoke to life. I 
 simply opened my eyes, and gazed upon the 
 world for the first time, for all I knew to the 
 contrary. 
 
 If I had had any power of drawing com- 
 parisons, or even of recognising the fact that 
 I was making a re-entry into existence, my 
 first impression would have been that the 
 world was a small, ugly, uninteresting place; 
 but such a mental efibrt as that would have 
 been completely beyond my powers. 
 
 My eyes, however, were capable of reflect- 
 ing to my intelligence the objects that
 
 Priend Perditus. 
 
 surrounded me, and I imagine that there 
 must he some phonographic qualities about 
 the brain of man ; for although at the time 
 I had the vaguest, dimmest, comprehension of 
 what occurred, afterwards I could remember 
 every word that was said on the occasion. 
 
 I have tested the truthfuhiess of my 
 impressions by repeating my recollections 
 to the two persons who were present at the 
 time, and they declare that down to the 
 minutest detail my remembrance is identical 
 with what happened. ^ 
 
 My very first view of life was such a rosy 
 brilliant one, that involuntarily I shut my 
 weak eyes again, dazzled and blinded by the 
 glory of the newly-risen sun, shining in 
 through an open window, which, with the 
 curtain drawn aside, stood almost at the foot 
 of my bed ; but half-an-hour afterwards, I 
 imagine, I mechanically reopened them, 
 and this time, the light being more diffused, 
 I was able to bear it. 
 
 I was lying, with my head very slightly 
 raised, on a narrow, hard bed, my arms
 
 8 Priend Perditus. 
 
 being bound tightly to my sides by a 
 coloured counterpane, which was securely 
 fastened underneath the bed. 
 
 For the first few moments T lay quite 
 still, gazing vacantly in front of me, and 
 seeing nothing but the glitter of the sunshine 
 and the straight white curtains which hung 
 at the sides of the window ; but presently I 
 became dimly conscious of a sense of 
 uneasiness and discomfort; to say that I 
 suffered pain would represent far too active 
 a condition of intelligence ; I was uncom- 
 fortable, and therefore I instinctively 
 attempted to move ; but from what my dis- 
 comfort arose I had not the very faintest 
 perception. 
 
 Once, twice, I repeated my feeble efforts 
 to free myself from the bonds that held me, 
 and then an involuntary, inarticulate cry of 
 thwarted weakness broke from me. 
 
 In an instant the room seemed to be full 
 of bustle and sound, and almost immediately 
 a figure clad in white interposed between 
 my eyes and the light, and bending over
 
 Friend Perditus. 9 
 
 me addressed some observation to me in 
 low awe-struck tones. What this question 
 was I don't recollect, but I know^ that I 
 looked into the woman's face fixedly and 
 earnestly, and that after a minute she turned 
 away, catching at a shawl that hung at the 
 foot of the bed, and muttering — 
 
 " I had best call him, I suppose ; he said 
 I was to do so if there was any change." 
 
 These words meant nothing to me at the 
 time, nor did the shutting and subsequent 
 re-opening of the door. I was left alone 
 for only a couple of minutes, and then the 
 woman returned, accompanied by a young 
 man in his shirt and trousers only, with 
 a rough head, and bare feet thrust into 
 slippers. This young man strode quickly 
 to my side and bent over me, apparently 
 in the strongest excitement. 
 
 " Well, old fellow," he said, controlling 
 his agitation, and forcing himself to speak 
 quietly and soothingly, " And how are you ? 
 Better this morning ? " 
 
 I can recollect distinctly how eagerly
 
 10 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 and breathlessly be awaited my answer, and 
 bow tlie excited bopeful eyes clouded over 
 with disappointment under tbe weigbt of 
 my impassive silence. He tried me with 
 several otber questions, and then, baffled 
 and puzzled, he drew himself upright, and 
 said to the woman — 
 
 '' I can't make it out, nurse. His eyes 
 are clear and reasonable ; the pupils dilate 
 and contract naturally, and the skin is cool 
 and moist, and yet he doesn't seem to 
 understand a word, or rather, I should say, 
 he appears to understand and refuses to 
 answer. Can he be dumb, do you tliink ? " 
 
 " Lor' bless your heart, no, sir ; he aint 
 dumb. Why, you must recollect it's not 
 ten days ago since he was raving in deli- 
 rium ; he talked fast enough then. Besides, 
 he made a noise just now. It wasn't a 
 word ; it was as much like a baby who has 
 got a pin running into it as anything I 
 have ever heard, only it was deeper." 
 
 " Uncomfortable, eh ? " said the young 
 man, glancing rapidly over the arrange-
 
 Eriend Perditus. 11 
 
 ments of my bed. " Hullo ! what's the 
 meaning of this ? " 
 
 '^ That, sir ? " was the rather tremulous 
 answer. '' Oh, I tied the counterpane that 
 way to keep his arms in the bed ; he did 
 toss them about to that extent. It was 
 awful to see him in the night." 
 
 '* Ah, he disturbed your sleep, I expect. 
 Now, understand this, nurse, I won't have 
 any of these dodges for keeping patients 
 quiet, unless I give the orders. No wonder 
 the fever was difficult to subdue. There^ 
 my friend," he continued, laying the bed 
 clothes gently round me ; " you can take a 
 deep breath now, and fling out at me, if 
 you've got the strength in your poor old 
 arms." 
 
 He raised my hand and then released it. 
 Immediately it fell with a thump upon the 
 bed. 
 
 ** Ah," he cried excitedly, " the fever 
 has gone, and the power with it. Exactly 
 as I thought. Now% nurse, you and I 
 mustn't have a difference just at this time.
 
 12 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 We've pulled him through so far ; he shall 
 not slip tlirough our fingers now. Peed 
 him up, nurse — feed him up. Let us show 
 those black-coated old fellows we know 
 something after all. I'll run down to the 
 beach now and have a swim, I couldn't 
 go back to bed to save my life ; and you 
 give him some beef tea and brandy and 
 then let him sleep." 
 
 " Good bye, old chap," patting me gently 
 on the shoulder ; " if I don't make some- 
 thing of you before I've done with you, 
 I'll throw physic to the dogs and go to 
 sea," 
 
 The door shut again, and there was quiet 
 in the room. 
 
 Por a few minutes my hazy dreams con- 
 tinued, and then I was unceremoniously 
 raised in the bed, the spout of some china 
 vessel was inserted between my teetli, and 
 my nose being violently pinched, I was 
 compelled to swallow to escape suflPocation. 
 
 After that I fell into a deep sleep, which 
 I am told lasted for two days, and so pro-
 
 Eriend Perditus. 13 
 
 found was it that though I mechanically 
 swallowed when the china spout was put 
 into my mouth, which happened every two 
 hours, I did so perfectly unconsciously. 
 
 That this deep sleep was the saving of me 
 I fully helieve, for when I opened my eyes 
 once more, I found that I could raise my 
 hand and draw my foot up in the bed ; hut 
 still I was incapable of either thought or 
 speech. 
 
 Por some days I continued in this condi- 
 tion, eating and drinking voraciously, in fac^ 
 my memory tells me that hunger and thirst 
 were the all-pervading sensations of my life 
 at this time, and then I arrived at the stage 
 of taking notice. 
 
 I noticed the flies crawliog and buzzing 
 on the window panes, and I noticed a 
 sparrow that hopped upon the sill; what 
 they were I had not the faintest idea, but 
 they amused and interested me, as did also 
 my hands which lay outside the counter- 
 pane, and I can recollect most distinctly 
 the childish delight it afforded me when
 
 14 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 I found that through an effort of my 
 own will I could close and unclose my 
 fingers, and gather up handfuls of my 
 bed-clothes. 
 
 There was, however, this difference be- 
 tween my intelligence and that of an 
 ordinary baby. Like all infants, at first I 
 had no power of calculating distances, but 
 having stretched out my eager fingers once 
 to clutch the bird upon the window sill, I 
 never attempted it again — I recognised at 
 once that it was beyond my reach. In fact 
 my mental development would have been 
 phenomenally rapid had I been indeed of 
 tender years — I never required to be shown 
 a thing twice, and at the end of a fortnight 
 from the time of my recovery of conscious- 
 ness, I was able to sit up in bed propped 
 with pillows, and, having been instructed in 
 the art, I could feed myself. 
 
 But still my intelligence was of the 
 narrowest possible description : I could 
 understand what was said to me in the way 
 of orders, and act upon them in any simple
 
 Eriend Perditus. 15 
 
 matter, but as yet my brain was quite inactive, 
 nor did my heart stir with any emotion. 
 
 Another fortnight passed — my physical 
 condition was now nearly normal— I could 
 rise from my bed, could walk about my 
 room, and watch from the open window the 
 white sails of the great ships which floated 
 upon the blue sea, distant half a mile across 
 golden fields full of waving, bending corn, 
 ripe for harvest. 
 
 Sitting facing the soft sea breezes, with 
 each breath I drew in fresh health an(^ 
 strength, and with increasing vigour new 
 sensations began to creep over me. 
 
 I became consious of a dreamy wonder as 
 to who I was ; and the wonder grew and 
 grew until I became almost bewildered with 
 it; and yet there was a fascination about 
 the subject — who was I ? where was I ? I 
 would return to it again and again. 
 
 Many times during the day the young 
 doctor — Dr. Hall, the nurse called him — 
 would come and sit by me, and talk kindly 
 and patiently to me, as if I were indeed the
 
 16 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 child I seemed to be. Wistfully, anxiously, 
 he gazed at me, but never an answer did he 
 get from me. 
 
 At first I regarded his visits with pro- 
 found indifference ; so long as I had my 
 food and drink regularly I was perfectly 
 satisfied ; but as my darkened mind gradu- 
 ally became illumined, so did my heart 
 revive and come to life again, and soon I 
 began to listen eagerly for his footsteps, and 
 when he left me, with some encouraging, 
 hopeful words, I would utter one of my in- 
 articulate sounds of disappointment and grief. 
 
 Matters went on like this for some little 
 time longer ; each day I gained strength of 
 mind and body, until there was very little 
 said before me that I could not understand 
 the meaning of ; but still my tongue seemed 
 tied. I tried to speak, but I could not form 
 a word ; and when I saw how this incapa- 
 bility on my part distressed Dr. Hall, whom 
 I had come to regard with a warm affection, 
 tears of mortification would run down my 
 cheeks.
 
 Priend Pehditus. 17 
 
 "There, there old man," he said sooth- 
 ingly one morning when my distress was 
 keener than usual, " don't get into a 
 fluster, it can't be helped ; but I would 
 give ten years of my life if I could unseal 
 that tongue of yours ; and I can't see 
 why on earth you shouldn't talk. There 
 is nothing unnatural about your brain, so 
 far as I can make out. If you could speak, 
 you know, we should learn all sorts of 
 things we are ignorant of now. Bless my 
 heart what a fool I am ! " he cried, 
 jumping up with a sudden thought, " I 
 have never tried you with a pencil and 
 paper yet; if there's anything wrong 
 with your tongue you can write, I dare 
 say." 
 
 In strong excitement he ran out of the 
 room, returning at once with a slate and 
 pencil which he put into my awkward 
 fingers. I gazed from them to him en- 
 quiringly. 
 
 "Write, my dear fellow," he said en- 
 couragingly. " Write down your name." 
 
 VOL. I. c
 
 18 Priend Perditus. 
 
 I shook my head ; I did not comprehend 
 him 
 
 " See here," he continued, " I'll write 
 mine — Charles Hall; now you put yours 
 under it." 
 
 He returned the slate to me, but I could 
 make no use of it, and I placed it on the 
 table with a groan. 
 
 Dr. Hall rubbed his hand over his 
 cropped head of stiflp thick hair. 
 
 " Baffled again," he muttered. " Upon 
 my soul I don't know what to do with 
 the fellow. Those infernal lunacy com- 
 missioners will be here this afternoon ; I 
 don't see how I am to keep the poor chap 
 if he doesn't make a start soon. It's 
 useless my arguing that he's reasonable, 
 unless I can get more out of him than 
 this. Well, good-bye old man, I shall be 
 back to see you again presently, and two 
 gentlemen with me ; confound them. Oh, 
 my dear fellow, if you could come out 
 with any thing, no matter what it is, the 
 worst language in the world would be
 
 Ekiend Peiiditus. 19 
 
 better than none. I shall feel inclined to 
 do something violent the day I see you 
 taken off to one of their charming private 
 establishments ; but I am beginning to 
 despair. Naturally they want to get hold 
 of you, your forty thousand pounds will 
 procure you plenty of attention, unfor- 
 tunately." 
 
 I could not understand him, but I saw 
 that he was much dejected, and I gathered 
 that it was on my account, and because I 
 could not speak ; therefore when he had Mt 
 me alone I naade desperate efforts to 
 articulate, but in vain. I could make 
 uproar enough, even now the noise of my 
 pitiful attempts ring in my ears; but I 
 was sensible enough even then to recognise 
 that my efforts were all sound and fury, 
 signifying nothing. 
 
 So depressed and exhausted was I after 
 this tliat when Dr. Hall came back, a few 
 hours later, accompanied by two elderly 
 gentlemen dressed in black with scrupulous 
 neatness, I took little notice of their 
 c 2
 
 20 Priend Perditus. 
 
 entry, but sat with my head leaning on 
 my hand, a picture of melancholy impas- 
 siveness. 
 
 These two gentlemen' had paid me a 
 visit during the early stage of my con- 
 valescence, but I had taken no heed of 
 them on the occasion, nor this time when 
 they approached me and enquired, with 
 little show of interest, how I was, did I 
 make any effort to rouse myself. 
 
 As a mere form, I imagine, they per- 
 sisted in their questions for a few minutes, 
 and then, shrugging their shoulders, they 
 walked away with Dr. Hall to the other 
 end of the room and the three of them 
 commenced an animated conversation in 
 subdued tones. 
 
 Turning my head, I could see that Dr. 
 Hall's face was very flushed, and that he 
 was talking with great earnestness, but not 
 one word of the conversation could I dis- 
 tinguish until the taller of the two gentle- 
 men in black raising his voice angrily, cried : 
 
 " It is no good, my dear sir, your opinion
 
 Priend Perditus. 21 
 
 has been deferred to loDg enough, the man 
 is as much a case for a mad-house as any- 
 one I have ever seen." 
 
 " Oh, pray sir, for God's sake don't talk 
 so loud ; the poor fellow understands every 
 word you say." 
 
 That was true to a certain extent 
 only. I gathered they desired to take 
 me somewhere, and I was unwilling to 
 go, as I saw it was opposed to the 
 wishes of the only creature I cared for 
 in the world, but the word " mad-hous© " 
 had no particular or horrible significance 
 for me. 
 
 '' Nonsense, Dr. Hall," the elder man 
 replied angrily, '' the fellow is an idiot, 
 plainly enough. You admit yourself there 
 is no symptom of paralysis, then why can't 
 he speak or make himself understood in 
 any way? Simply because the brain is 
 hopelessly injured. I shall consider it my 
 duty, as also will my colleague here, to 
 advise the committee of the hospital to send 
 him to a suitable place of retirement at
 
 22 Friend Perditus. 
 
 once. As for you, my dear sir, I should 
 advise you not to oppose yourself to us ; I 
 don't want to put a spoke into any young 
 man's wheel ; but you are so clearly in- 
 terested in keeping this man under your 
 thumb, that your opinion will be looked 
 upon with some suspicion I'm afraid. 
 Porty thousand pounds in the hands of 
 a brainless man might be turned to pretty 
 good account by any one gaining a complete 
 influence over the unfortunate soul." 
 
 The young doctor's eyes flashed with 
 
 sudden fury, as he walked to the door 
 without a word, and opened it for the 
 
 others to pass out. But when they had 
 
 gone he fell into a chair which stood beside 
 
 me, and dropping his face upon his hands, 
 
 groaned out : 
 
 " They have beaten me 1 God help him, 
 
 poor creature, he is doomed now ! " 
 
 My heart seemed to be stirred, and a 
 
 warm gush of tenderness glowed within 
 
 me. 
 
 Leaning forward, I placed my hands
 
 Priend Perditus. 23 
 
 on his and drew them down from his face. 
 He looked mournfully into mine, which 
 I could feel was working with unusual 
 excitement. 
 
 " Ah, lad ! " he cried ; *' if you could hut 
 speak, even one word ; it is your obstinate 
 silence that will ruin you. But one word. 
 Yes or No ; how simple it seems. Oh, try — 
 try — surely you can do it. Yes — yes— yes." 
 
 Suddenly something seemed to flash across 
 me. I watched his lips narrowly, and then 
 I made a vigorous effort. ^ 
 
 '' Ye— yes — yes ! " 
 
 Slowly and falteringly the word came ; 
 but intelligibly at least. 
 
 With a cry of joy Dr. Hall sprang to his 
 feet, and grasped my hands in his. 
 
 " Good, good ! " he shouted. " Now, 
 again ; quick, speak again." 
 
 But I could not. I simply had the 
 power of imitating him at present. 
 
 " Say Yes again," he cried. 
 
 '' Yes," I repeated, this time with no 
 hesitation.
 
 24 Priend Perdittjs. 
 
 " Now, No." 
 
 " No ! " I shouted triumphantly. 
 
 " Now, Diamond." 
 
 *' Diamond ! " 
 
 And so on for a dozen words or more. 
 
 His clever grey eyes were actually moist 
 with excitement and pleasure. 
 
 " Eureka ! " he cried. '' I have solved 
 the mystery ; you have forgotten the art 
 of speaking, that is all. Hurrah 1 hurrah ! 
 I have a thorough Englishman's objection 
 to being beaten. Now, I shall go and have 
 it out with those two old fogies downstairs. 
 They do not take you away yet, my tine 
 fellow. Good-bye for the present. I shall 
 come back in an hour and teach you how 
 to attain an easy and agreeable manner of 
 conversing, as the text books have it. 
 Good-bye." 
 
 He looked anxiously at me, I read his 
 meaning immediately, and proudly and 
 confidently I raised my head. 
 '' Good-bye," I said. 
 '' Bless my soul I " he answered with a
 
 Friend Perditus. 25 
 
 break in his deep voice, running out of the 
 room, " that's the pleasantest music that 
 has ever fallen upon my ears." 
 
 As for me, I was perfectly happy. I had 
 done well. I had been praised by the one 
 I loved, and like a child I was satisfied with 
 the present.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 My progress, dating from the afternoon on 
 which my tongue was loosened and, as it 
 w^ere, set free, was equally rapid and sure. 
 Charles Hall was with me continually ; 
 indeed I fear his other patients at the 
 little hospital where I had found a refuge 
 suffered somewhat from want of attention 
 at this time. 
 
 I w^as as eager to learn as he was to 
 teach, and the result of our combiued 
 efforts was, that at the end of a week 
 the power of speech had returned to me 
 almost entirely. 
 
 My physical strength, too, seemed now to 
 he firmly re-established, and each day my 
 good friend would take me for long walks,
 
 Priend Perdittjs. 27 
 
 which were full of delightful interest to 
 me. 
 
 Everything I saw seemed new and strange 
 and wonderful, and I was never tired of 
 asking questions, nor he of answering 
 them. 
 
 Only for a short time, however, did my 
 condition of blissful content in the present 
 continue ; as my mind grew more vigorous, 
 a shadow seemed to fall upon me, and all 
 sorts of confusing doubts and fears crowded 
 into my awakening brain. I began to lose 
 my appetite and my spirits, and during our 
 walks I would fall into long dreamy reveries 
 from which Charles Hall would rouse me 
 by putting his arm affectionately through 
 mine, with some such remark as — 
 
 " Pleasant thoughts, old fellow, eh ? " 
 
 Then I would leave my weary groping 
 in the dark for the moment, and shaking 
 off the oppression that was creeping over 
 me I would resume our interrupted conver- 
 sation with one of my ordinary questions. 
 
 But I soon began to perceive, to my
 
 28 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 dismay, that when I did this the kindly 
 interest which had lighted up my friend's 
 rugged, manly face, would fade away into 
 an expression of cold blank disappointment, 
 and at last the time arrived when he dropped 
 my arm suddenly, and, leaving my question 
 unanswered, walked rapidly away from me 
 across the lonely sea beach. 
 
 I knew at once that I had ofPended him, 
 and my heart ached at the knowledge ; 
 breaking into a run I caught him up at 
 once. 
 
 " What have I said ? " I inquired anxi- 
 ously. '' You are angry ? " 
 
 He looked sternly at me for a moment, 
 and then his grey eyes softened and a slight 
 suspicion of moisture appeared in them. 
 He was ashamed of the weakness evidently, 
 for his bronzed cheek flushed and he turned 
 his face away as he replied in constrained 
 tones — 
 
 " I am disappointed, that's all. I am a 
 fool to feel it ; but I will own to being dis- 
 appointed."
 
 Priend Perditus. 29 
 
 " In what way ? " I asked. " I suppose 
 I have disappointed you. I am. sorry 
 for it." 
 
 We walked on in silence for a minute or 
 two, and then Charles Hall stopped abruptly 
 and faced me. 
 
 " There must be au end of this," he said 
 somewhat roughly. " I am not in the habit 
 of beating about the bush, therefore I will 
 come to the point at once." 
 
 '' Do so," I said, looking at him drearily, 
 and kicking the shingle about with my foot. 
 
 I was, in truth, very unhappy ; my doubts 
 and perplexities had been crowding upon 
 me more thickly than ever all that day, and 
 now, in addition to my other anxieties, it 
 seemed I had offended my only friend. 
 
 " Look here," he said. '' I don't wish to 
 force myself upon you if you don't want my 
 friendship. What I have done for you has 
 been merely a professional duty. You are 
 well now. Our relations of doctor and 
 patient no longer exist, and if you desire it 
 our acquaintance can end here."
 
 30 PiiiEND Pehditus 
 
 I stared at hioa in speechless dismay. 
 
 " What I mean is this/' he continued, 
 looking away from me and grinding his 
 stick savagely down into the loose stones 
 of the beach, '' there can be no friendship 
 where there is no confidence. Now I have 
 purposely abstained from asking you any 
 questions as to your name and past life 
 hitherto, because I felt that I should 
 be taking a mean advantage of your 
 weakness by doing so. I waited for your 
 recovery, hoping that you might tell me 
 voluntarily something of yourself; but now 
 I can see plainly that you wish to remain 
 an enigma to the end. And so, of course, it 
 must be." 
 
 A faint, sickly sensation came upon me; 
 all my obscure doubts seemed to be assum- 
 ing a tangible form. A curious trembling 
 seized me, and tottering to a great boulder 
 of stone I sat down upon it, and then, 
 dreading his answer, with an eflPort I 
 said : 
 
 " I would not lose your friendship. I
 
 FiiiEND Perditus. hi 
 
 love you, and am grateful to you. What 
 is it you wish to know ? " 
 
 Turning his eyes on me, with a cry he 
 ran to me. 
 
 " Eor heaven's sake, man, don't look so. 
 Indeed I never meant to upset you like this. 
 Don't tell me anything if it is so difficult." 
 
 '* Yes, yes," I murmured, '' I wish to, if 
 I can ; but what is it ? What is it ? " 
 
 " Well, in the first place, then — though 
 pray understand, my dear fellow, that I 
 wouldn't for the world have you tell me 
 anything that you wish to conceal — what is 
 your name ? " 
 
 In his sudden anxiety for me he had 
 fallen on one knee by my side ; despair- 
 ingly I clutched his two shoulders with my 
 hands, and with a desolate cry said : 
 
 " God help me ; I do not know. Oh, my 
 friend, pity me; I cannot tell you." 
 
 With a great start he sprang to his feet, 
 and I rose too. 
 
 ''What do you mean ? " he cried breath- 
 lessly.
 
 32 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " I mean," I said hopelessly, " that I 
 know nothing — neither who I am, or where 
 I came from. I am ignorant of everything 
 except what you have taught me. For all 
 I know to the contrary my life commenced 
 that morning when, for the first time, I saw 
 you bending over me in my bed." 
 
 HalPs face grew as pale as mine, and 
 his eyes dilated with horrified amaze- 
 ment. 
 
 " You are telling me the truth ? " he 
 murmured brokenly. 
 
 I re-seated myself upon the stone boulder, 
 and covered my face with my hands. 
 
 " Aye, the truth," I echoed mournfully. 
 " That baby that we saw in the lodge- 
 keeper's arms could as well answer your 
 questions as I can. I know no more where 
 I came from, than he does." 
 
 "But, my dear fellow," Charles Hall 
 resumed, pulling himself together, " don't 
 you recollect the shipwreck and the storm ? 
 Come, try, try." 
 
 " No," I answered hopelessly ; " I recol-
 
 Fkiend Perditus. 33 
 
 lect nothing before I opened my eyes in 
 my little room at the hospital." 
 
 " But your diamonds ; come now, surely 
 your diamonds must recall something to 
 you. You raved of them continually in 
 your delirium." 
 
 '' Diamonds ? " I replied interrogatively. 
 " What are diamonds ? I remember that 
 that was one of the first words you taught 
 me, but nothing further." 
 
 " By Jove I that's a clincher ! " he ejacu- 
 lated in the utmost dismay. " Why, my 
 dear boy, you have diamonds in your pos- 
 session worth forty thousand pounds." 
 
 " I have something valuable in my pos- 
 session ? " I cried in eager astonishment, 
 a ray of hope piercing the darkness in which 
 I groped. " But, my dear friend, if you 
 know that, you must know more about me 
 than I do myself. Eor pity's sake tell me 
 everything, it may help me, for I declare 
 to you most solemnly my mind is a perfect 
 blank beyond the morning I awoke in that 
 little room yonder." 
 
 VOL. I. J>
 
 34 Pkiend Perditus. 
 
 " Why did you not tell me this hefore ? " 
 he asked sympathetically. " Sm^ely you must 
 have heen aware of your peculiar condition 
 for some little time past." 
 
 " Only dimly," I replied sadly. " I knew 
 that there was something wanting in me, 
 but not exactly what it was. I suppose I 
 had a child's faith that it would come right 
 of itself. It is only within the last few 
 days that my extraordinary position has 
 begun to weigh upon me heavily." 
 
 " And I was blaming you for your reti- 
 cence," he said remorsefully. " My dear 
 friend, forgive me ; I ask your pardon from 
 my heart." 
 
 I grasped his proffered hand, and with 
 the touch of the strong resolute fingers the 
 dreary sense of loneliness that had come 
 upon me was lifted, and my spirits grew 
 lighter and more confident. 
 
 '• I cannot doubt your friendship. Hall," 
 I said; "you have proved it again and again. 
 Though I am so profoundly ignorant — you 
 would scarcely believe how ignorant — I have
 
 Priend Perditus. 35 
 
 had for some little time the power of obser- 
 vation, and I have seen for myself how- 
 great your patience and devotion have been. 
 Now my most unfortunate and extraordinary 
 condition is one of the mysteries you must 
 help me to solve." 
 
 He stood lost in reflection for a minute 
 or so, and then shaking his head, he said : 
 
 " I can't see to the bottom of your case 
 at this moment, I frankly admit. I have 
 never met wdth a similar ; you are perfectly 
 reasonable now, nobody could doubt it. I 
 have heard, how^ever, of cases of suspended 
 memory, which have suddenly righted them- 
 selves. Come, let us walk towards home ; 
 I'll tell you what I know on the way. 1 
 should not be in the least surprised if I struck 
 the key note of your recollections at once." 
 
 Oh how confidently and hopefully I began 
 to listen. I firmly believed with him that 
 of a sudden the black curtain which covered 
 my past would rise ; but it did not. 
 
 Earnestly and vividly he told his story, 
 glancing at me continually, and anxiously 
 i> 2
 
 36 Priend Perditus. 
 
 awaiting the moment when my mt-mory 
 should revive. 
 
 At last he stopped. My spirits had heen 
 gradually sinking. 
 
 " And what then ? " I asked after a 
 moment's pause. 
 
 " That is all I know," he replied ; " the 
 rest you remember better than I do. Have 
 I not thrown any light upon your darkness ?" 
 
 " Not any," I answered hopelessly. "You 
 tell me that I was found floating twenty 
 miles out at sea, bound to a plank of wood. 
 That I was picked up by fishermen, brought 
 ashore, and then carried to your little 
 hospital. That I was unclothed with the 
 exception of a flannel shirt and trousers, 
 and a heavy leathern belt ; that I was per- 
 fectly unconscious, and that 1 had an awful 
 wound in the top of my head. All this re- 
 calls absolutely nothing to me. But is there 
 not something else ? How about this valu- 
 able possession of mine ? " 
 
 Hall struck his forehead impatiently with 
 his hand.
 
 Priend Peuditus. 37 
 
 " Of course," he said, " tbat is the most 
 important detail — the diamonds evidently 
 occupied your last conscious thoughts. How 
 could I have forgotten them, even for a 
 moment? Now, my boy, steady yourself — 
 don't get excited and nervous — it vrill all 
 come right I tell you. When we unclasped 
 the heavy leathern belt from your waist we 
 found an oilskin bag sown into it. This bag 
 I opened the day following your rescue, in 
 the presence of the hospital committee w^ho 
 meet here once a month. It contain?id 
 another bag of wasli-leather, and inside the 
 wash-leather was some carefully folded 
 wadding. When the wadding was pulled 
 apart, I think you might have heard our 
 combined shout of surprise at the other end 
 of the field. We found five enormous 
 diamonds, and about thirty smaller ones." 
 
 Somewhat impatiently I interrupted him. 
 I was bitterly disappointed, and my dis- 
 appointment made me testy. 
 
 " I have told vou before," I said, '' that I 
 do not know what diamonds are."
 
 38 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 With a sympathetic shake of the head he 
 continued — 
 
 " I am afraid we are not any further out 
 of our muddle yet. Diamonds are precious 
 stones — bright, glittering things. See, this 
 is a very inferior one in my ring here." 
 
 I examined it earnestly ; but the sparkle 
 of the gem seemed to mock me, and I 
 pushed his hand gloomily aside, saying, with 
 some contempt — • 
 
 " And do you mean to tell me that my 
 valuable possession is like that ? " 
 
 "Like that, with a difference," he replied. 
 '' This stone of mine is worth £20 perhaps. 
 We had a man down from Liverpool to 
 value yours. He said they represented 
 £40,000 at the least. That rather frightened 
 us, so we locked them up in the local bank, 
 where they arc now. We didn't like to have 
 them on the premises any longer than we 
 could help. Come, dear old fellow^, don't 
 look so dreary ; you have plenty of money, 
 at any rate, that's something." 
 
 '' What's the good of it to me ? " I replied.
 
 Priend Perditus. 39 
 
 mournfully. '' I don't know how to spend 
 it?" 
 
 Ho broke into a little laugh, and hooked 
 his arm in mine. 
 
 " Ah, never fear," he responded ; " you 
 will find plenty of teachers ready and willing 
 to instruct you in that art. Come, cheer up, 
 it is only for a time this obscurity will last, 
 take mv word for it ; and now let us see how 
 we can make the best of a very curious 
 situation." 
 
 We had reached our destination by this, 
 and found our simple meal awaiting us in 
 Hall's little private room. With a weary 
 sigh I sank into one of the chairs. 
 
 Placing his hand under my sunken chin, 
 Hall gently raised my face. 
 
 '' It won't do, old fellow," he said ; '' we 
 mustn't overdo it. No more worrying and 
 puzzling this evening. You look fagged. 
 Come now, eat a good supper, afterwards 
 I will play you a tune or two, and then, if 
 you please, you will pack off to bed and not 
 attempt to think of anything. To-morrow
 
 40 Friend Perditus. 
 
 morning we will go for a sail. You don't 
 know how much brighter one's prospects 
 look on a sunny morning with a gentle 
 breeze, and the sea dancing and rippling 
 round you." 
 
 Utterly worn out from the unwonted 
 excitement I had sustained, I fell asleep 
 while he played, and I scarcely awoke even 
 as I stumbled upstairs under Hall's guidance. 
 I rather suspect that he mixed something 
 soporific in my tea that evening, for I am 
 usually a light sleeper. 
 
 The next morning Hall aroused me early, 
 and together we wended our way rapidly to 
 the sea shore. The sun was glorious and 
 warm although we had reached the last 
 week in October, and the air was so 
 exhilarating and fresh that my heart grew 
 lighter even in spite of myself. Actively I 
 bustled about, pushing and helping to get 
 the boat afloat ; at lengtli we glided off into 
 deep water somewhat unexpectedly, and 
 Hall only managing to scramble in by 
 throwing himself across the gunwale and
 
 Eriend Perditus. 41 
 
 elevating his legs in a comically awkward 
 manner in doing so. I burst into a fit of 
 hearty irrepressible laughter. 
 
 At the first moment he was a little 
 nettled at my hilarity, for he was drenched 
 to the skin, and besides had bumped and 
 grazed himself; but in an instant his 
 rugged face broke into the most beaming 
 of smiles, and clapping me heartily on the 
 shoulder he cried — 
 
 " Laugh away, my boy, make up for lost 
 time ; why I would have barked myself 
 from head to foot willingly to have heard 
 that laugh of yours, and considered it cheap 
 at the price. Wasn't I right ? isn't the 
 morning air the best tonic in the world ? 
 Now then, just hold the tiller for a moment 
 while I light my pipe. Keep your weather 
 eye open, old man, and look out for 
 squalls." 
 
 I had been for a sail with liim several 
 times before, so that I was quite capable of 
 being trusted. At length, however, having 
 wrung the water from his clothes and hung
 
 42 EiiiEND Perditus. 
 
 his coat and waistcoat up to dry. Hall 
 relieved me of my charge, and then, pipe 
 in mouth, commenced gravely and kindly. 
 
 " While you were sleeping last night, 
 old fellow, I put on my considering cap 
 and went over your case as carefully and 
 earnestly as I could, and this is the con- 
 clusion I have come to. It's evident to 
 me that you have only partially recovered 
 the shock to your system at present, but 
 there is every reason to believe that your 
 restoration will be made perfect before very 
 long. Your wisest course, therefore, will 
 be to wait patiently until that time arrives ; 
 we cannot hurry nature, and meanwhile you 
 must endeavour to enjoy the present as 
 much as you can." 
 
 ''But how can I? how can I?" I ex- 
 claimed. '' I have no power of enjoying 
 anything beyond mere physical sensations." 
 
 " But, my dear fellow, a month or two's 
 reading will set you all right in that respect." 
 
 '* But, Hall, don't you understand," I 
 cried, " I cannot read."
 
 Eriend Perditus. 43 
 
 He stared at me in astonishment. 
 
 " But I have often seen you with a book 
 
 in vour hand." 
 
 »/ 
 
 '' I know you have," I replied, reddening 
 with shame. " I used to hold it at first 
 because I saw you do so, for no other 
 reason ; and latterly, when you gave it me 
 as usual, I have felt unable to confess that 
 I was incapable of understanding a word. 
 Oh, my friend, realise my position if you 
 can. I know absolutely nothing." 
 
 IFor a minute or two Hall seemed quite 
 crushed by the magnitude of my misfortune, 
 and then giving himself a shake he passed 
 his hand over his eyes and said earnestly — 
 
 '^ One thing is quite certain, you must 
 set to work to regain your lost knowledge 
 as soon as possible. I believe, from what I 
 have seen, you will learn easily. You may 
 be as ignorant as a child; but you must 
 remember vou will not work with the in- 
 telligence of a child ; therefore, don't lose 
 heart whatever you do; and, above all, re- 
 collect this," he continued earnestly, '' you
 
 44 Priend Peuditus. 
 
 must not tell to anyone what you have 
 told to me. I don't want to frighten you, 
 but if you are to keep your freedom your 
 secret must be shared by no one else. 
 Now, the first thing is to find a discreet 
 teacher for you." 
 
 I looked wistfully at him, and then the 
 desire of my heart broke forth in words : 
 
 '' Will you not teach me ? " I cried. 
 " Oh, for mercy's sake don't turn me away 
 from you. I could learn of you ; with 
 another the sense of my ignorance would 
 crush me altogether. Have pity on me, 
 and save me. I am rich, you say, take 
 all I have in the world. I give it freely 
 to you. Only let me stay with you, and 
 help me to regain my lost senses ? " 
 
 His eyes glistened with emotion, and his 
 firm honest-looking mouth quivered a little ; 
 for a moment only he hesitated, and then 
 grasping me by the hand he cried : 
 
 " 1 will help you, and God so deal with 
 me as I with you." 
 
 I could not speak. I could only wring
 
 Eriend Perditus. 45 
 
 his band hard in my gratitude, and then he 
 went on cheerily — 
 
 '' See here, old man, the whole thing 
 can be arranged easily. We will leave this 
 place as soon as ever I can find a substitute 
 at the hospital; that will be in a week's 
 time at the latest — it's a comfortable little 
 berth with nothing in the world to do, 
 your case was quite a godsend in the 
 way of practice ; — and then we will be off 
 to some quiet country town where we can 
 go in for work for six months. After that 
 we can make other plans. With regard to 
 your money, my boy, fortunately nobody 
 need accuse me of attaching myself to you 
 with interested motives. I am studying 
 medicine simply for the love of it. I am 
 an orphan with three or four hundred a 
 year of my own, so I don't want any of 
 your money. I will teach you right 
 willingly for the sake of the interest I 
 feel in you." 
 
 I could not express the feelings which 
 swelled within my heart; but I fancy 
 
 \
 
 46 Priend Perditus. 
 
 that he understood even then how hound- 
 less was the c^ratitude with which I was 
 filled. 
 
 We were very silent for the rest of our 
 tnp, hut when we reached home Hall said — 
 
 " There is just one more question which 
 I am going to ask you, old fellow, and 
 then I shall not worry you with another. 
 When you look at yourself in the looking- 
 glass doesn't your faee recall any other 
 scenes to you ? " 
 
 "I don't think so," I replied, "but I 
 can't say I have regarded myself with any 
 particular attentiveness." 
 
 " Come and do so now then," he said, 
 walking to his dressing-table. '' Here, wait 
 a minute though," he went on, " now I 
 remember, you were much closer cropped 
 about the beard when you arrived here. 
 Sit down and I'll trim you up a bit." 
 
 I placed myself under his hands, and 
 after a few minutes of snipping with the 
 scissors he declared himself quite satisfied, 
 and desired me to look at myself.
 
 Priend Pehditus. 47 
 
 Again I was disappointed, though I 
 myself had hoped little from this experi- 
 ment. 
 
 '' It's no use, Hall," I said. '' I am 
 utterly lost. My face is entirely uninterest- 
 ing to me." 
 
 " By Jove, I wish mine were as un- 
 interesting," he replied with a laugh. 
 '' Bless my heart, my dear boy, you are 
 splendid ! Why, my phiz is plainer than 
 ever by the side of yours. You will think 
 me weak-minded, I dare say, but your good 
 looks pleaded powerfully for you with me 
 when you were first brought in here. I 
 am ashamed to say I don't think I should 
 have been half so interested in your case 
 if your face had been more ordinary. Like 
 many other ugly people, I set an undue 
 store on a handsome appearance." 
 
 I smiled at him. 
 
 " I am no judge of any thing," I said. 
 " Your face is pleasant to me and I will 
 not complain of mine again, since it has 
 secured me such a friend as vou are."
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 After all, the getting away was not so 
 simple a matter by any means, as Hall had 
 predicted. In the first place the committee 
 of the little country hospital were not at all 
 inclined to accept my friend's hasty resigna- 
 tion. They were rather a rough, uneducated 
 set of people; and, being unwilling to let 
 me entirely out of their hands, they treated 
 HalFs motives with open suspicion. This 
 mean estimation of his character he spoke 
 of with the contempt it deserved ; but we 
 were both considerably put out when the 
 chairman of the committee declared he 
 should not feel himself justified in per- 
 mitting me to leave the institution until the
 
 .Priend Perditus. 49 
 
 Government lunacy commissioners had de- 
 clared that I was fit to be at large. 
 
 *' It's a terrible bore, old boy," said Hall, 
 returning to me with a very worried 
 countenance; "it's the very thing I wished 
 to avoid for you. But, however, it can't be 
 helped ; put a bold face upon it ; above all 
 don't get funky, and trust to me to pull you 
 through somehow. The commissioners can't 
 be here for three days, which is lucky, for 
 you will have time to learn your lesson. 
 Now, in the first place, we must christen 
 you ; it will never do to confess to being 
 nameless, you know. Choose your cogno- 
 men, and I'll stand gorlfather. Now, then, 
 Christian name first." 
 
 I shook my head. 
 
 '' Choose for me," I said. 
 
 Leaning his brow upon his hand, regard- 
 ing me steadfastly, with wistful compassion 
 shining in his clear grey eyes, he began to 
 consider. 
 
 " Let me see, my friend," he murmured. 
 
 His voice was rich and musical, and re- 
 
 VOL. I. E
 
 50 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 fleeting the pity in liis mind, there was a 
 more than usually tender inflection in it. 
 No name could be so dear to me as that of 
 his friend. Surely to one so forlorn as I no 
 title could bring with it such comfort as 
 that. 
 
 ''Hall/' I said, somewhat huskily, " after 
 all I will select for myself — call me 
 Triend." 
 
 " Eriend ! " he exclaimed. " Why, my 
 dear fellow, wdiat a singular choice. The 
 word is never used in that way." 
 " Does that matter ? " I asked. 
 " Well, no ; I don't know that it does.'' 
 " Then I would rather hear that name 
 from you than any other. Every time you 
 speak the word my heart warms within 
 me." 
 
 He wrung my hand. 
 
 " So be it then," he said cheerily, " and if 
 anyone asks you the reason for so peculiar 
 and Quaker-like an appellation, you must 
 say it is a family name — that will satisfy 
 them. Now for the second."
 
 Friend Perditus. 51 
 
 *' Could I not have something descriptive 
 of my condition ? " I asked sadly. " I don't 
 mean exactly the word Lost, but something 
 of the same sort." 
 
 He screwed his mouth up comically. 
 
 '' Well upon my soul," he said ; " you 
 have some rather strange notions. Look 
 here, old fellow, you mustn't be offended 
 some day in the far future if I don't consult 
 you in christening my son and heir. Priend 
 Lost ! a rather deadly lively sort of name, 
 eh ? " 
 
 "Lost will not do," I replied; ^^ I want 
 something that you and I will understand, 
 and not everyone else." 
 
 "Well, what do you say to Perditus — 
 that is the Latin for lost; but it sounds 
 rather better ; and you may depend upon it 
 nobody will ever think of connecting the 
 two words." 
 
 "That will do very well," I said; "for 
 remember, Hall, please God with your help 
 I shall not have to bear this name of my 
 own choosing very long." 
 
 E 2 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF 
 ILLINOIS LIBRARY,
 
 Priend Perditus. 
 
 "Very true, old fellow," he answered, 
 readily. " You shall be Priend Perditus for 
 just as short a period as we can manage." 
 
 The next three days were very anxious 
 ones, for the tremendous difficulties we had 
 to contend with can hardly be over esti- 
 mated. 
 
 I felt a firm conviction within myself 
 that if I were to be removed from Charles 
 Hall's protection and tutelage the shock of 
 our severance would wreck my feeble brain 
 entirely ; and, although he tried to make 
 light of my gloomy forebodings, I was 
 shrewd enough to recognise plainly how 
 agitated and distressed he grew as the time 
 for the momentous interview approached. 
 
 We breakfasted at nine, and at eleven the 
 commissioners were to arrive. But I could 
 not eat, nor could Hall, and at last he threw 
 down his knife with a groan. 
 
 " Come out into the garden," he said, 
 '•' and let us just run through the scene 
 again for the last time. Have confidence 
 in yourself, and you will come out all rierht.
 
 Friend Pehditus. 53 
 
 The Lord be thanked you have as sensible 
 and clever a head on you as any one need 
 wish to look at. Your head will count 
 forty points out of a hundred, like a terrier's 
 at a show." 
 
 All this was Greek to me, but I could see 
 the reflection had brought him some com- 
 fort, so I cheered ud also. 
 
 Up and down, up and down the narrow 
 slip of garden we walked, rehearsing the 
 scene which Hall had so carefully prepared. 
 And then in the distance, on the dusty road, 
 which lav like a broad white ribbon alons^ 
 the green sward topping the cliffs, the hired 
 vehicle containing the terrible lunacy com- 
 missioners could be seen approaching. 
 
 " Courage," whispered Hall, laying his 
 hand firmly on my arm ; '' keep cool, and 
 I defy any one to detect the flaw in your 
 armour. Stay, meet them outside, here ; 
 don't let us seem to run av^ ay from them." 
 
 I glanced at his face ; he was as pale as 
 death, and there were actually drops of 
 sweat upon his brow. I knew that it was
 
 54 PUIEND PeRDITUS. 
 
 for me lie suffered, and my spirits rose, and 
 my heart yearned within me with gratitude. 
 
 Impulsively I flung my arm round his 
 shoulder. 
 
 '' Hall," I cried, " do not fear for me. 
 You will see I will not forsret one word vou 
 have taught me. Oh, my friend, I will die 
 hefore they shall take me from you." 
 
 We found that the fly contained the 
 chairman of the hospital committee, as well 
 as the two elderly gentlemen, whom I re- 
 cognised at once. Acting on Hall's advice, 
 with a beating heart I left his side, and 
 advanced to meet them alone. 
 
 What it cost me to voluntarily deprive 
 myself of his support nobody could imagine, 
 but I saw at once how valuable a suggestion 
 it had been on his part. 
 
 The elder of the two commissioners was 
 deaf ; all his asides were, therefore, much 
 more audible than he imagined them to be ; 
 and when he saw me coming towards them, 
 and Hall keeping in the background, he said 
 to his colleague in a loud whisper :
 
 FiiiEND Perditus. 55 
 
 '' This looks well, you know ; he's not 
 afraid to speak for himself. I am surprised, 
 I must admit." 
 
 Much encouraged, I greeted them politely 
 by name, and then waited for them to speak. 
 Somewhat constrainedly they returned my 
 salutations, and then walked straight past 
 me into the hall, and through that into the 
 room called the committee-room. 
 
 "Follov/ing them closely, I ventured to 
 glance at Hall. His eyes were bright and 
 hopeful, and already the colour was return- 
 ino^ to his cheeks. Streni^^thened and braced 
 up I entered the committee-room, and found 
 the three gentlemen already settled in their 
 places behind the green baize-covered table, 
 ready to sit in judgment on me. It was 
 evident to me from their aspects that for some 
 reason they wished to pronounce unfavour- 
 ably on my case ; perceiving this, a sense 
 of attempted injustice and wrong was 
 aroused within me, and instinctively my 
 latent manhood rose in arms against the 
 oppression tliey would put upon me.
 
 56 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 *' Well, sir/' the elder of the two com- 
 missioners commenced, in harsh, uncere- 
 monious tones, '' and pray what account can 
 you give of yourself now ? " 
 
 They had not asked me to be seated, but 
 coolly I took a chair opposite them, and 
 then, with apparently the most perfect self- 
 possession, though in reality my heart beat 
 loudly against my ribs, I leant my elbows 
 upon the table which separated us, and said 
 calmly. 
 
 " I don't quite follow you, sir. Any 
 information which does not touch upon 
 private concerns of my own I will give 
 you most willingly ; but at the same time 
 I must expostulate with you upon your 
 tone in questioning me." 
 
 My manner evidently was a surprise to 
 the trio, but it did not conciliate them, and 
 the chairman broke in roughly — 
 
 "You may expostulate as much as you 
 like, but you will have to answer for all 
 that." 
 
 I made no reply; part of Hall's instruc-
 
 Friend Perditus. 57 
 
 tions had been, '' Don't speak more than 
 you can help." 
 
 '' Now, then, please, what is your name ? " 
 the chairman continued rudely. 
 
 ^^ Friend Perditus." 
 
 '' What ? " cried the commissioner, who 
 was hard of hearing. 
 
 '' Friend Perditus," I replied, raising my 
 voice. 
 
 " What an extraordinary name ! How do 
 you spell it ? " 
 
 Involuntarily I clenched my fists upo^^ 
 the table before me, and drew in my breath 
 sharply. Careful though Hall had been, 
 he had not prepared me for this. At the 
 second question only my armour had proved 
 valueless. 
 
 My feet grew cold and my head hot, and 
 with a deadly sinking of the heart I looked 
 at my friend, who had stationed himself in a 
 distant corner of the room. His eyes were 
 fixed upon the ground, and I could see 
 that the corners of his firm mouth were 
 trembling. Plainly he could give me no
 
 58 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 help. I must rely upon myself alone in 
 this emergency. 
 
 Silently I waited for an inspiration of 
 some sort. In a moment, like a flash of 
 light, it came to me. 
 
 " Well, sir," the commissioner continued 
 suspiciously. " Why do you not ar^swer 
 me. How do you spell your name ? " 
 
 ''The words are spelt as they are pro- 
 nounced," I replied. 
 
 " That is no answer at all," the old man 
 went on testily ; " you must know that the 
 same sounds are often spelt differently." 
 
 I began to lose heart again, but the 
 desperation of my circumstances nerved me, 
 and I said indijfferently, 
 
 " That's true ; well then, Priend is spelt 
 in the ordinary way among the Quakers." 
 
 I recollected Hall's remark about the 
 Quakers, though of the meaning of the 
 term I was profoundly ignorant ; *' and as 
 for Perditus, as you must surely know, tliat 
 is a Latin word. There is not more than
 
 Eriend Pehditus. 59 
 
 one way of spelling that among educated 
 people, I should imagine." 
 
 This was a wild random shot of mine ; 
 but, to my joy, I perceived that it hit well 
 home. The three gentlemen grew red and 
 coughed nervously, for what reason I know 
 not; possibly they were not familiar with 
 the word and were ashamed to confess their 
 ignorance ; any way, to my relief, they did 
 not press this point, merely remarking ill- 
 temperedly — 
 
 " You have a very roundabout way of 
 replying to questions, Mr. Perditus, please 
 be more direct in future." 
 
 I bowed politely, and said in a propitiatory 
 tone — 
 
 '' I will certainly do my best, gentlemen; 
 and I must claim your kind indulgence if 
 I appear irritable or wanting in courtesy ; 
 I have sustained a great shock, as you know, 
 and am still feeling the effects of it." 
 
 " It is in connection with that shock we 
 would question you," the deaf commissioner
 
 60 Priend Perditus. 
 
 said in somewhat mollified tones. '' How 
 did it occur ? " 
 
 " I was shipwrecked as you know," I 
 replied, " and received a severe injury to the 
 head." 
 
 " And pray what was the name of the 
 ship and of the captain ? " 
 
 Here again I could give no satisfactory 
 answer ; but Hall and I had arranged for 
 this emergency. 
 
 Looking them firmly in the face I said 
 quietly, 
 
 '' That is a question, gentlemen, that is 
 not convenient to me to answer. As you 
 probably knov/, the storm which destroyed 
 my vessel w^as fatal to two others also ; the 
 ' Shark,' the ' David Hudson,' and the ' Rose 
 Marie,' all went down on that awful night, 
 but which of the three I was aboard I 
 decline to say." 
 
 '' But what can be your reason ? " the 
 chairman inquired hotly. 
 
 '' That is my secret," I replied firmly. " I 
 am sorry to appear ungracious, however."
 
 Priend Peeditus. 61 
 
 They looked grimly at me for a minute or 
 two, and then the chairman muttered— 
 
 ''This is a very suspicious matter, Mr. 
 Perditus. There were valuable gems in 
 your possession when you were rescued ; by 
 refusing all account of yourself yoa suggest 
 the idea that those gems were not honestly 
 come by." 
 
 I had been waiting for this. Rising I 
 pushed my chair under the table, and then 
 leaning wdth both hands on the back of it, 
 I said — 
 
 " Gentlemen, my circumstances compel 
 me to endure your rudeness ; but I cannot 
 put up wdth much more of it. You have 
 no right to suspect me of dishonesty simply 
 b(?cause for a time I wish to conceal from 
 you the exact means by which I reached 
 England. My diamonds, as you are aware, 
 are very valuable, so valuable, in fact, that 
 had a jewel robbery to that extent taken 
 place anywhere you would probably have 
 heard of it." 
 
 All this was HaU at second hand ; it was
 
 62 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 an effort of memory merely on my part ; 
 but it answered its purpose. The chairman, 
 who I could see was my principal opponent, 
 began to lose confidence in himself, and be- 
 came more conciliatory in his tone. 
 
 '^ I don't wish, of course, to make any 
 direct insinuations against your character, 
 Mr. Perditus, but you must admit yourself 
 that your conduct while among us has not 
 been calculated to inspire confidence. Por 
 instance, until this morning I have been 
 unable to learn your name." 
 
 '' I desired to remain unlrnown," I mur- 
 mured, "but perceiving you made so serious 
 a matter of it, I have sacrificed my own 
 wishes to that extent." 
 
 The strain was beginning to tell upon 
 me, and I was in momentary fear of their 
 putting me to some practical test, such as 
 giving me a page of a book to read, when to 
 my intense relief the deaf commissioner arose 
 and said to the chairman with a weary yawn : 
 
 " It seems to me, Mr. Black, that we are 
 wasting our time here. We can't give a
 
 FniEND Perditus. 63 
 
 certificate of lunacy simply because a man 
 declines to answer what he considers imper- 
 tinent questions. Besides," he continued in 
 an audible whisper, " the fellow's as shrewd 
 as you or I. If we don't take care we shall 
 get into trouble over this affair. You have 
 your reasons probably, Black, for wishing 
 to keep him and his property to a cei^tain 
 extent under your control, but we have no 
 inducements of that kind, and it wouldn't 
 be very agreeable to be charged with a con- 
 spiracy to shut up a sane man, eh ? " 
 
 Mr. Black's face grew crimson with 
 vexation, for he knew that I must have 
 heard every word of this speech ; but I 
 was too well satisfied and relieved in my 
 mind to feel a pleasure in his mortification. 
 
 '' You need not fear that I shall make 
 myself in any way disagreable in this 
 matter," I said. " Indeed I should be 
 sorry to leave so ungracious an impression 
 behind me. I owe a great deal to the 
 institution that Mr. Black represents, and 
 it would be very churlish of me to resent
 
 64 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 in any spirit of ill temper a slight mistake 
 on his part." 
 
 Pulling out my pocket book I opened 
 it and took from it a slip of paper with 
 which Hall had supplied me. Then holding 
 out my hand I said to the astonished 
 chairman — 
 
 ''Let us part good friends, Mr. Black, 
 and allow me to take this opportunity of 
 oflPering this hospital through you a most 
 inadequate acknowledgement of my debt. 
 Here is a cheque for a hundred pounds, 
 drawn as you will see in my friend Hall's 
 name, and I should be glad to subscribe 
 annually fifty guineas towards your most 
 valuable institution." 
 
 Mr. Black was too completely astounded 
 to make any intelligible reply to this 
 address, but he grasped my offered hand 
 mechanically and then after a polite bow 
 to the other two gentlemen I walked 
 slowly and carelessly out of the room. 
 
 I lingered for a moment on the thres- 
 hold as if waiting for my friend to join
 
 Eriend Perditus. 65 
 
 me, and then I heard the elder com- 
 missioner break out in wrath. 
 
 "A nice cock and bull story you have 
 been getting up. Black. A pretty set of 
 fools we shall look if those young fellows 
 go and talk about this. And what the 
 devil did you mean by imputing all sorts 
 of sordid motives to Dr. Hall, too? A 
 man who can draw cheques for a hundred 
 pounds on such a bank as Coutts' doesn't 
 usually care to soil his fingers with 
 money grubbing." 
 
 I closed the door softly, and thrusting 
 my arm lovingly through my good friend's 
 I drew him out into the sunlight again. 
 But no sooner did we reach the air than 
 to my surprise he shook himself free of 
 me, and the next moment I saw him 
 disappearing at full speed round the corner 
 of the house. 
 
 I watched the commissioners come out 
 and drive away with Mr. Black, who hung 
 his head in a most dejected fashion, and 
 then Hall returned to me. His face was of 
 
 VOL. I. F
 
 66 Friend Perditus. 
 
 ashen paleness, and his straight lips were 
 turned down at the corners in the most 
 deplorable fashion. 
 
 " Why, my dear fellow," I cried, " what 
 is the matter with you? What has hap- 
 pened ? " 
 
 *' Nothing particular," he murmured 
 plaintively. " Come and give me a dose 
 of brandy and soda, for goodness sake, my 
 dear boy. Oh, Friend, I have been as sick 
 as a dog. A small boat at sea, with a 
 heavy swell on, is nothing to such a half 
 hour as I've gone through. I'm turned 
 over altogether ; I feel absolutely green." 
 
 '* You look so," I said with a laugh. 
 
 Oddly enough the interview had not 
 affected me half so seriously as it had him, 
 probably because I was comparatively igno- 
 rant of the horrible fate which would have 
 been mine had the result been different. 
 
 I assisted Hall into his private room, and 
 then I gave him the stimulant he had asked 
 for. In a very few minutes he began to 
 revive.
 
 Emend Perditus. 67 
 
 *' Ah," he said, with a sigh of relief, *' I 
 am getting more fit now." 
 
 Then he covered his eyes with his big 
 brown hands, and, without any warning, one 
 or two great, hard, dry sobs, broke from him. 
 
 I rose in alarm, and went to his side. 
 
 "All right, old fellow, all right," he mur- 
 mured brokenly, stretching out his hand for 
 mine. " Oh, what a fool I am ! A woman 
 need be ashamed of such weakness as this ; 
 but you won't point the finger of scorn at 
 me, I know." • 
 
 '* There," jumping to his feet with a tiny 
 drop glistening on his thick black lashes, 
 and clapping me heartily on the back, 
 ** Richard is himself again ! I am proud 
 of you, my boy ; you did me credit ; it 
 was the most infernal time I have ever 
 passed ; but, I will admit, my bosom 
 swelled with honest pride, even while I was 
 enduring the tortures of the — well — con- 
 demned. All's well that ends well, how- 
 ever. To-morrow we will start on the new 
 life, and good luck attend us." 
 
 F 2
 
 68 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " It will," I cried ; " I feel that it will ! 
 Oh, Hall, who can say that good luck has 
 not already come to me ? I know not what 
 I have lost, but I do know what I have 
 found through my trouble. Ah, my dear 
 fellow, if the restoration of my old self 
 were offered me at the price of our 
 friendship, do you think that T would 
 hesitate ? " 
 
 " Don't, my boy, don't,'* he murmured, 
 turning his head away. " I am very 
 ashamed of myself, but I can't stand any 
 more to-day. God bless you."
 
 CHAPTEE ly. 
 
 Thuee davs later, Charles Hall and I 
 packed up our belongings — mine being of 
 a very modest nature, and consisting of 
 clothes which one small trunk sufficed k) 
 contain — and bidding farewell to the little 
 Lancashire seaside town, took train for the 
 south. 
 
 All places being the same to me. Hall 
 had decided upon the locality in which I 
 should start my pursuit of knowledge, and 
 Winchester being his birthplace, and, more- 
 over, according to him, the most soul- 
 inspiring, poetical, quaint city in the whole 
 of England, to Winchester we took our 
 way one frosty morning in early Novem- 
 ber.
 
 70 Priend Perditus. 
 
 My good friend had to bear all the 
 expenses of my little outfit and of our 
 journey, and indeed for six months after 
 that I drew upon his purse for every- 
 thing. 
 
 ^Fortunately for me his year's sojourn at 
 the little hospital had enabled him to save 
 the whole of his private income for that 
 time, and, therefore, he had the means to 
 supply me with the cheque which had 
 argued so favourably with Mr. Black. 
 
 " It's an awfully lucky thing as it turns 
 out, old fellow, that I should have been 
 shut up in this deadly lively little hole for 
 the last twelve months, otherwise we should 
 have been up a tree," Hall said, as he 
 leaned comfortably back in his corner of the 
 carriage. " My income, as I told you, is 
 quite sufficient for my wants, but I always 
 contrive to have spent every penny of it by 
 the end of the year. I am not an extrava- 
 gant man, as you know ; I couldn't be, 
 honestly, on four hundred a year ; but I am 
 fond of books and engravings, and so the
 
 Priend Perditus. 71 
 
 money slips away. However, as it is I have 
 plenty for the next six months, and by that 
 time you will be well able to return and 
 claim your own." 
 
 It was lucky, as he said, for though I 
 possessed a fortune I had no command 
 whatever over it. It was easy enough to 
 place my diamonds within the safe walls of 
 the bank, but the difficulty of getting them 
 out again at that time was insurmount- 
 able. 
 
 Eor obvious reasons I wished to remain 
 as much in seclusion as possible until I had 
 left the neighbourhood of Mr. Black and 
 all who had known me since my illness ; 
 and therefore Hall went to the bank on 
 my behalf to request the restitution of 
 my property, he having placed it there 
 originally. 
 
 To our intense annoyance — although I see 
 now he could not possibly have acted other- 
 wise — the manager of the bank positively 
 refused to give the gems up to any one but 
 the rightful owner. This would not have
 
 72 Friend Perditus. 
 
 been a matter of great importance, however, 
 if he had only desired to see me for the 
 purpose of handing over my property, but 
 he told Hall he should require me in his 
 presence to write a formal acknowledgment 
 of the receipt of the jewels, and that my 
 signature would have to be witnessed. 
 
 This, of course, was an absolute impos- 
 sibility. I might have acquired sufficient 
 skill to have signed my name after two or 
 three days' diligent practice, but to a man 
 completely ignorant of spelling, as well as 
 caligraphy, the writing even of the most 
 simple acknowledgement would have been 
 out of the question. 
 
 Much to our chagrin, therefore, we were 
 compelled to let the jewels remain where 
 they were, until I had gained the requi- 
 site knowledge — Hall explaining somewhat 
 lamely to the bank manager, that, after all, 
 as I was going to travel about for a time, 
 I thought I would prefer to leave my pro- 
 perty in such safe keeping. 
 
 Hall had secured rooms in advance not
 
 Friend Perditus. 73 
 
 three minutes distant from the cathedral, 
 and on Saturday, after a tedious railway 
 journey, we arrived at Winchester. 
 
 The next morning we attended the ser- 
 vice, most of which I found almost unin- 
 telligible ; but although I did not under- 
 stand in the least what he felt, I was deeply 
 interested and almost moved to see the 
 reverent rapture which lighted my friend's 
 face as he gazed around him. 
 
 We walked through the great solemn 
 building very silently, when the white- 
 robed clergymen and choristers had dis- 
 appeared. And then we emerged again 
 into the cold white sunlight, and wended 
 our way into some fields which, intersected 
 by running brooks, lay at the foot of a 
 grand green hill. 
 
 Hall turned his face to me full of sup- 
 pressed emotion, and I fancy the surprise 
 I felt must have appeared in my counte- 
 nance, for he said — 
 
 " I am afraid I am a dull companion, 
 Priend, but it is the very intensity of my
 
 74 Priend Perditus. 
 
 enjoyment which makes me so silent. 
 Every step that we have taken has innu- 
 merable associations for me, connected with 
 my childhood and early boyhood. The very 
 spirit of my mother seems to hover over 
 me." 
 
 I did not answer. What could I have 
 said that would not have jarred upon 
 him ? 
 
 Presently my companion roused himself 
 from his reverie of retrospection, and 
 together we commenced planning for the 
 future. I was eager to begin my studies 
 the very next morning, and would not hear 
 of a week being set aside that I might 
 get to know the place better first. 
 
 «« Por heaven's sake, Hall," I cried, "do 
 not let us waste time. My ignorance seems 
 to weigh more heavily upon me here than 
 it did in that ugly bare little town we have 
 left behind us. There what I saw I could 
 understand at least ; here everything seems 
 to v/hisper to me of a byegone time which 
 is dark to me."
 
 Eriend Perditus. 75 
 
 Therefore the following morning we set 
 to work in earnest. 
 
 The days passed all too quickly, and 
 signs of spring began to appear. The little 
 brooks re-commenced their interrupted mur- 
 muring songs which had been choked by 
 the snow and ice of winter, and the birds 
 began to twitter on the leafless boughs. 
 All nature seemed to call upon me to leave 
 my work, and to rejoice with her that the 
 beautiful spring time had again striven 
 successfully against the dreary winter sea- 
 son, but no answering enthusiasm was 
 awakened in my breast. I was full of a 
 feverish restless desire to learn, and I would 
 willingly have remained at my books all 
 day had not my kind adviser placed a 
 decided veto against this. 
 
 Prom nine until twelve each morning 
 he allowed me to study, and again for a 
 couple of hours in the afternoon, but more 
 than this he would not permit. The rest 
 of our time we spent in walking and
 
 76 Priend Perditus. 
 
 bicycling, with an occasional game of foot- 
 ball with the local club. 
 
 Hall's task was indeed a difficult one, 
 but unwearingly he strove in my cause, 
 and resolutely he cheered and encouraged 
 me throughout. 
 
 I know now how often I must have tried 
 his patience ; he w^as of a most sensitive, 
 nervous temperament, and at first I could 
 see that my dense ignorance seemed almost 
 to crush and paralyse him. It was so hard 
 for him to render his explanations at the 
 same time sufficiently simple and sufficiently 
 conclusive. I asked a child's questions, it is 
 true ; but the reply that would have satisfied 
 a child did not answer the purpose with me 
 at all. 
 
 How it was that he did not lose heart 
 entirely during the first month that we were 
 together I cannot imagine. Heaven grant 
 me his patience, if ever I be called upon to 
 help another as he helped me. 
 
 Looking back, I can see that I was tho- 
 roughly, blindly, egotistical at this period.
 
 Eriend Pehditus. 77 
 
 I could think or talk of nothing but 
 myself and my own progress. But he never 
 flinched, or showed a sign of weariness. 
 Morning after morning he would sit down, 
 and, lighting his pipe, would patiently dwarf 
 his vigorous mind to my level, guiding my 
 awkward hand and hesitating tongue. 
 
 My cheek flushes even now as I remember 
 my selfish absorption, nor shall I ever forget 
 the overwhelming sense of shame I experi- 
 enced when I first recognised it for myself. 
 
 It was Christmas Day ; a bright frosty 
 morning. The ground was dry and hard, 
 and from the windows we could see the 
 frost sparkling and glittering upon the black 
 boughs of the trees. 
 
 The breakfast cleared away, I gathered 
 my books and writing materials together, 
 and placed them on the table. But Hall 
 did not draw up his chair as usual. 
 
 " Come, Hall," I said, " I am ready." 
 
 He did not reply at once, and I tm^ned 
 round in surprise. His face was pale, and 
 his eyes were heavy and languid ; all
 
 78 Peiend Perditus. 
 
 this I recollect now, but at the time I 
 perceived nothing of it. 
 
 " Haven't you your pipe ? " I said. 
 
 " Yes, old fellow, it is here." 
 
 " Then come along, it's past nine." 
 
 He advanced to my side, and, shutting 
 the book I held, said kindly — 
 
 " Put them away to-day, old man. It 
 is Christmas morning, you know. We 
 must make a holiday of it." 
 
 " But I don't want a holiday. Por 
 mercy's sake Hall, don't treat me as if 
 I were in reality a child. Let us get to 
 work. I have more holidays than I wish 
 for as it is, I would study willingly all 
 day and all night if you would let me. 
 Come, dear old fellow." 
 
 With a sigh Hall sat down and at 
 once plunged into our usual routine. 
 Question, answer, question, answer, quickly 
 they followed one another, but presently 
 Hall took his pipe from his lips and leant 
 his brow upon his hand. 
 
 Por an instant he remained thus, and then
 
 Eriend Perditus. 79 
 
 with a groan rose, and walking to the window 
 opened it, letting in a rush of cold fresh air. 
 
 " It's no good, Priend," he said faintly, 
 " I must knock off to-day. I am dead 
 beat." 
 
 With an exclamation of dismay I hurried 
 to him, and then the truth flashed across 
 me ; in his pale face and tired eyes I 
 could read it distinctly. I had worn my 
 only friend out in my service. 
 
 Bitterly remorseful I felt, but he would 
 not listen to my self-reproaches for an 
 instant. 
 
 " Come, old fellow," he said '* stop that. 
 You have nothing to forgive yourself; 
 how could you know that your power of 
 learning was greater than mine to teach ? 
 It is my own fault entirely. I should 
 have been honest with you and told you the 
 truth sooner. I should be more ashamed 
 than I am to have broken down if I did 
 not know one thing, and that is, that no 
 teacher ever before had such an alarmingly 
 apt pupil as you are. Your capability of
 
 80 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 study is something marvellous to me I 
 must admit." 
 
 I saw that it was his wish that the 
 subject should be dropped, therefore I did 
 not attempt to pursue it; but though my 
 heart ached for many an hour afterwards, 
 and several days passed before I could at 
 all shake off the effects of the occurrence, 
 I am thankful now I received the shock 
 when I did, otherwise I might have become 
 a thoroughly hardened selfish man ; and 
 what more detestable and despicable 
 creature can exist than he whose Alpha 
 and Omega is himself ? 
 
 We did no more work for that day, or 
 indeed for a week after; a portion of the 
 time we spent in returning to Lancashire 
 and reclaiming my diamonds, and the rest 
 in lounging about the neighbourhood of 
 Winchester. Then, refreshed and invigo- 
 rated, we resumed our interrupted pursuits. 
 
 I would not willingly be tedious ; though 
 this portion of my history is full of interest 
 to me, I cannot hope that it will prove so to
 
 Friend Perditus. 81 
 
 others. I will merely say that after a lapse 
 of another six months I was to all intents 
 and purposes a very fairly well educated 
 man, though I could not at that time have 
 passed a university examination. 
 
 As Hall remarked, I sucked in learning- 
 like a sponge, and what I once mastered 
 I never forgot. In all the more practical 
 branches of education, such as grammar, 
 geography, and even mathematics, I could 
 have competed successfully with Hall him- 
 self. The modern languages, too, came to me it 
 seemed perfectly naturally; but, to my friend's 
 disappointment, history, and all classical sub- 
 jects, were to me utterly uninteresting. 
 
 " I cannot understand you," he said one 
 day ; ''I thought the very atmosphere of 
 this place, teeming as it does with historical 
 associations, would have afPected you as it 
 does me; in fact, I brought you here on 
 that account. The glorious old cathedral 
 alone, I fancied would prove a link between 
 you and the past ; and I don't believe you 
 care one pin about it." 
 
 VOL. I. G
 
 82 Priend Perditus. 
 
 '' You are right," I replied, with rather a 
 mournful shake of the head; "there is 
 doubtless something wanting about me alto- 
 gether. I admire the cathedral from a 
 structural point of view ; but I'll be hanged 
 if I feel any delight in wandering about it, 
 and sitting and musing in it's sombre 
 shades. I must own it gives me fifty times 
 more pleasure to see a fine sunset, or even, I 
 am ashamed to say, to watcli a dozen com- 
 panies of soldiers parading in the barrack 
 ground yonder." 
 
 This was indeed the truth, and sometimes 
 I would grow very melancholy as I recog- 
 nised the wide difi'erence that existed 
 between me and others. I believed this 
 difference to be even wider than it was in 
 reality, for I took Hall as a sample of men 
 in general with regard to his tastes, whereas 
 now I know that not one in a thousand has 
 the same reverence for the past and all con- 
 nected with it that ho has. 
 
 But, as a rule, I was well content and 
 even happy. My health was perfect. My
 
 Priend Perditus. 83 
 
 mind was continually occupied, and pleas- 
 antly occupied too, and each day my 
 affection for my companion grew warmer 
 and more steady. 
 
 All this time, however, only one very 
 slight rift had appeared in the cloud which 
 hung over my past, and that had closed 
 again so rapidly and completely, that I 
 sometimes was almost inclined to doubt 
 whether the momentary flash had ever in 
 reality occurred. 
 
 One day, with Hall's help, I was patiently 
 working out a problem in Euclid. Before I 
 had arrived at the point which could have 
 rendered it intelligible to me, of a sudden a 
 peculiar sensation came over me. 
 
 " Don't say another word to me. Hall," I 
 cried ; '' I can't imagine what is going to 
 happen, my head feels very strange. I can 
 solve this problem without reading any 
 further." 
 
 He looked at me in surprise. 
 
 " That's impossible, dear boy," he cried ; 
 '' this is far in advance of anything you have 
 g2
 
 84 Priend Perditus. 
 
 tackled yet; and, to tell you the truth, I 
 must go on a bit further myself before I can 
 grasp it. I have learnt it once, of course, 
 but I've forgotten it." 
 
 " Nevertheless I know what it is perfectly 
 well," I cried excitedly ; and thereupon I 
 proceeded to propound fully and clearly the 
 solution of the problem. 
 
 For an instant Hall gazed at me in 
 extreme astonishment, and then his cheeks 
 flushed, and his eyes grew bright with 
 hope. 
 
 "You are not playing me a trick, old 
 fellow ? " he asked, anxiously ; '' you have 
 not been getting tliis up on the quiet ? " 
 
 " On my honour, no," I replied earnestly. 
 " My mind so far as recollection goes was 
 a perfect blank until you reached that 
 particular point, and then it all came into 
 my brain with a sort of a rush What 
 does it mean, Hall ? Por Heaven's sake 
 tell me what you think it means ? " 
 
 '' Steady, steady, Triend," he replied. 
 " My dear fellow, keep cool, whatever you
 
 Priend Perditus. 85 
 
 do, or you will lose yourself again. I 
 firmly believe you are on the threshold of 
 your past at this moment. Now think, 
 calmly and collectedly, think. Can you 
 remember nothing in association with that 
 problem ; nothing of the circumstances 
 under which you worked it out before ? " 
 
 Por some minutes I sat trying to force 
 my brain backward— 
 
 " No," I replied with a sigh. " I can't 
 remember any thing worth remembering. 
 And yet it is a curious thing when I 
 think of that problem I cannot dissociate 
 it in my mind from one or two most 
 absurd things." 
 
 " How do you mean ? " he asked 
 anxiously. " Tell me whatever is in your 
 mind, Priend ; it may be of more import- 
 ance than you think." 
 
 " Well, then," I said, '' I associate it with 
 extreme oppressive heat ; with a shady 
 room, a glaring sun outside, with white- 
 robed figures passing and repassing each 
 other, and a strange shadowy thing waving
 
 86 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 above me and creating a sort of draught. 
 I assure you when the solution flashed 
 across me just now, I instinctively raised 
 my head, expecting to feel upon my fore- 
 head a cool breath of air." 
 
 " Is that all ? " cried Hall. 
 
 " Yes, that is absolutely all ; and what's 
 the good of that ? " 
 
 " Perhaps more than either you or I can 
 say just at present," he responded. '' But 
 it seems to me to settle one important 
 matter." 
 
 " What is that ? " I cried. 
 
 " Why, you were educated evidently in 
 one of the tropical countries. I should 
 be inclined to think some part of India 
 probably, for that is particularly the 
 country of punkahs. One of the ships 
 that was lost that night, the " Shark," was 
 an Indian ship. It isn't much of a clue 
 certainly, but it's something." 
 
 Por days after this I lived in constant 
 anticipation of some fresh symptom of 
 returning power, but it did not come.
 
 Eriend Perditus. 87 
 
 and the disappointment I felt, although I 
 tried to conceal it from my companion, 
 was so keen that insensibly it began to 
 tell upon my health, and my studies for 
 the first time became irksome and weari- 
 some. 
 
 It seemed to me I knew all I cared 
 to know, and on Hall's questioning me I 
 confessed as much to him. 
 
 "I can see what it is," he said, "you 
 want a change, and to stretch your wings 
 a bit. Come, my boy, we'll shut up the 
 books until you feel inclined to open them 
 again, which may be never ; well, it won't 
 much simifv even in that case. I'd back 
 you heavily against any man of ordinary 
 education who hasn't gone in for study 
 as a pastime. You have a wonderfully 
 clear shrewd brain. I wish mine was half 
 as clear. Now then what do you say to 
 a run on the continent ? It would do 
 wonders for your French and German." 
 
 Of course I made no objection, so we 
 started straight away from Southampton,
 
 88 Priend Perditus. 
 
 as Hall wished to visit for a day or two 
 a coUes^e chum of his who lived in Jersev. 
 
 Through this friend I disposed of some of 
 the smallest of my diamonds ; in fact that 
 had been Hall's object in stopping at 
 Jersey. Our funds were running out ; but 
 the sale of these stones resulting in a profit 
 of seven hundred pounds, we were able to 
 leave four hundred in the bank, with the 
 remainder of the diamonds, and proceed 
 on our way comfortably supplied.
 
 CHAPTEE V. 
 
 Through Prance, stopping only one night 
 in Paris, we proceeded straight to Italy, 
 and then we commenced what I believe is 
 regarded as the proper regulation tour. ^ 
 
 Rome, Venice, Milan, Florence ; each city 
 was visited in its turn, and its churches and 
 galleries thoroughly '' done " by us. I tried 
 to enjoy myself and to appear properly 
 interested in what I saw, but every night 
 when I retired to my room I confessed 
 bitterly to myself that my efforts had 
 resulted in nothing. 
 
 The gay street scenes, and picturesque 
 costumes of the people, pleased and amused 
 me, but the bright approaches invariably 
 ended in some dismal, dark, religious edifice,
 
 90 Priend Perditus. 
 
 whose every niche and corner was eloquent 
 of the past, that past from which I felt 
 myself cut off by an awful impassable 
 barrier, the barrier of complete oblivious 
 forgetfulness. 
 
 The great men of the world, whose tombs 
 seemed to crowd around me — those master 
 minds, who throughout the universe, by 
 reason of their common human nature, are 
 proudly claimed as brethren — I had no 
 affinity with. In the open air, in the 
 cheery sunlight, I was an ordinary mortal, 
 capable of appreciating and enjoying life, 
 but within these solemn shades a positive 
 terror of myself would steal upon me, I 
 was so utterly forlorn and alone ; and when, 
 on leaving the church, we would proceed to 
 some famous picture gallery full of the por- 
 trayed agony of martyrs, my spirits, already 
 terribly depressed, would sink to zero. 
 
 Six weary wrecks I spent in this way; 
 and then, on a return visit to Rome, things 
 reached their climax, and I unburdened my 
 mind.
 
 Eriend Perditus. 91 
 
 One morning, having visited three picture 
 galleries and one church, I was strolling by 
 Hall's side, and beginning to congratulate 
 myself that our sight-seeing was over for 
 the day, when he suddenly pulled out his 
 watch. 
 
 " Let me see," he said, " we have an 
 hour yet before lunch ; time enough, if we 
 walk quickly, to hear the fag end of the 
 service at St. Peter's." 
 
 I could bear it no longer. I felt almost 
 a child's inclination to cry at the proposi- 
 tion, and I was obliged to wait a minute 
 before I ventured to speak, in case my voice 
 should tremble. 
 
 Hall stepped out briskly, and the grand 
 old pile had loomed in sight before I could 
 bring myself to break the silence. 
 
 '' I must do it, however," I thought in 
 despair ; '' another week of this will drive 
 me mad, and if I don't speak to-day I never 
 shall." 
 
 " Hall," I stammered, '' wait a minute, 
 old fellow, will you ? "
 
 92 PiMEND PeRDITUS. 
 
 He came to a stand-still. 
 
 " Out with it, Eriend," he said, seeing 
 that I hesitated. " If we are to hear any- 
 thing of the service, we mustn't loiter." 
 
 " You are going to St. Peter's on my 
 account, are you not ? " I inquired nerv- 
 ously. 
 
 " Why, yes, mainly on your account." 
 
 " I mean, it wouldn't be any deprivation 
 to you not to hear the service to-day, would 
 it?" 
 
 He raised his brows in surprise. 
 
 " Of course not, Priend ; I have heard it 
 dozens of times. But what on earth do you 
 mean ? " 
 
 " I mean," I cried, blurting out my 
 trouble, " that I can stand it no longer, 
 Charlie. Oh, my dear old fellow, for pity's 
 sake don't think me ungrateful ; if I can 
 appreciate nothing else, at least I am fully 
 alive to your sympathy and devotion ; but 
 this tour has been a mistake, so far as I am 
 concerned, I am afraid." 
 
 ''A mistake! How?" he murmured
 
 Priend Peeditus. 93 
 
 gravely. " I tliouglit the grand tour must 
 be the very thing for you. Now-a-days no 
 one's education is complete without it. It 
 is the thing that every man looks forward 
 to as the height of enjoyment." 
 
 " But do you not see the difference of my 
 case ? " 1 argued. *' I. have not looked for- 
 ward to it. There is the nutshell which 
 encloses the whole thing. E^ome is no 
 more to me than Paris, or than London ; 
 every place is equally new to me. Put 
 yourself in my position, Hall, if you can. 
 I have no desire to study the past, for this 
 reason. Any way, I must come to an awful 
 gap; and I am ashamed to say, while I 
 know so little of myself, I have no wish to 
 know more of others." 
 
 " T am afraid I am a fool," I continued 
 dismally, " but if you could only understand 
 the depression I have experienced in going 
 through these endless galleries and churches, 
 you would pity me, I know." 
 
 '' My poor friend," he murmured, '' I 
 must have been blind indeed."
 
 94 Priend Perditus. 
 
 '' On every side," I cried, '' I come in 
 contact with things which seem to reproach 
 me with my forgetfulness and to jeer at my 
 pitiable condition. I never enter a gallery 
 without hearing such exclamations as ' Ah, 
 here is the celebrated Apolio ! ' or ' This, 
 then, is the Madonna that we have heard of 
 so often.' I have never heard of them ; my 
 dull brain wakes to no enthusiasm at the 
 sight ; and I feel myself the inferior of 
 every man or woman that I meet. Despise 
 me if you must, my friend ; but pity mo, for 
 indeed my burden is very hard to bear." 
 
 Ere the shades of night fell we had 
 shaken the dust of ancient Rome from 
 our feet, and were tearing through the 
 darkness in the direction of Paris as quickly 
 as the express could carry us. 
 
 Poor Hall, how careful he was ! I can 
 afford to smile at the recollection now, 
 though my eyes grow misty even as I smile. 
 How careful he was to propose nothing but 
 the most frivolous forms of amusement to 
 me in Paris, and, with his tastes, what
 
 Eriend Perditus. 95 
 
 an uncomfortable week he must have 
 spent. 
 
 We drove on the Bois, we promenaded the 
 Champs Elysees and the Palais Royal, and 
 at night we went to a theatre or cafe. Not 
 one picture gallery or church did we enter. 
 
 Hall was usually a rapid walker, hut 
 even now I recollect perfectly well the 
 extraordinary spurt he would put on when- 
 ever we approached the Louvre, or, crossing 
 the Pont St. Denis, came into the historical 
 shadow of Notre Dame. One day as Ave 
 were passing the latter building I was forced 
 to break into a run for a step or two in 
 order to keep up with him. 
 
 "Hullo, old man! " I gasped, for the sun, 
 even in September, shone too fiercely to 
 make such a quick mode of progression 
 agreeable, " are you walking for a wager, 
 eh ? " 
 
 '' No," he stammered confusedly, then 
 looking round he pointed to a wooden 
 building which stands immediately at the 
 back of the cathedral, "that is the Morgue,"
 
 96 Priend Perditus. 
 
 he said, "the dead house of Paris. I always 
 like to get by it quickly, especially in the 
 hot weather." 
 
 I accepted this explanation in perfect 
 good faith at the time, but Hall has con- 
 fessed to me since that his aspersion on the 
 sanitary condition of that most ghastly and 
 much frequented institution was utterly 
 undeserved. As he pointed out, there was 
 certainly no mortuary near the Louvre. To 
 this day he says with a laugh— 
 
 " I rushed past the places in case the 
 temptation to enter and drag you with me 
 should prove too strong for me." 
 
 Por a fortnight I was genuinely amused 
 with the life I led, and then, to my dismay, 
 I began to feel the old sensations of restless 
 depression creeping over me again. 
 
 I loved my friend, heaven knows I bad 
 reason; but no one can understand the 
 utter loneliness I felt sometimes, as, sitting 
 in the Tuileries Gardens, or in the green 
 shades of the Bois de Boulogne, I would 
 watch the family gatherings on every side
 
 Priend Perditus. 97 
 
 of me. A proud father and mother sur- 
 rounded by their children sometimes would 
 affect me so strangely that I would be 
 compelled to move away. 
 
 The young Erench women in their taste- 
 ful elegant costumes I admired at a respect- 
 ful distance, but the sight of a white-haired 
 lady leaning on her stalwart son's arm would 
 move me almost to tears, and my empty 
 heart would cry out within me. 
 
 " If I had but a mother to love and care 
 for ! Oh, God above, if I only had ! " 
 
 On one of these occasions I discovered 
 that Hall's eyes were fixed anxiously on me. 
 
 '' Priend," he said, " you are running 
 down, shall we move on again ? " 
 
 With a shrug of my shoulders I replied, 
 
 " As you like, Charlie ; but I am afraid, 
 dear boy, I am a hopeless sort of person. 
 What use am I in the world ? None, and 
 I never shall be." 
 
 " Come, that's all nonsense," he said 
 briskly. '' I am going to turn you out 
 something yet, or, if I don't, somebody 
 
 VOL. I. H
 
 98 Pkiend Perditus. 
 
 else sliall. Look here, I want you to come 
 and see a man I have heard of to-day, who 
 is great on the subject of all sorts of brain 
 vagaries, he may be able to suggest some- 
 thing." 
 
 I had no particular faith in the Erench 
 savant, but, seeing that Hall wished it, I 
 willingly consented to pay him a visit. 
 
 Por half an hour Dr. Marion, the grey- 
 haired courteous old physician questioned 
 me, testing my memory in every possible 
 way, and then, after reflecting a few minutes, 
 he said in English, which he spoke with 
 only an agreeable foreign accent. 
 
 '' Dr. Hall, this is a case in which I 
 frankly confess I can do nothing. You are 
 in splendid physical condition, Mr. Perditus, 
 to give you medicines of any sort w^ould 
 be to offer an insult to nature ; in fact 
 it would be, to use one of your most 
 expressive but objectionable insular ex- 
 pressions, humbug. You can do nothing 
 but wait and hope." 
 
 " But do you think," I cried — '' tell me
 
 Priend Perditus. 99 
 
 the truth, doctor; don't spare me — do 
 you think I shall ever recover my 
 memory ? '' 
 
 He looked gravely at me for a minute, 
 and then, placing his hand on my arm, he 
 said with serious kindness — 
 
 " I will not attempt to deceive you — it is 
 a cruel kindness to do so. I do not believe 
 myself that you ever will recover. Within 
 six months of your accident I should have 
 had a different opinion ; but it is now — how^ 
 many months did you say?" turnings to 
 Hall. 
 
 " Eifteen months," he murmured, sorrow- 
 fully. " On the 4th of March, 1880, he was 
 picked up at sea." 
 
 " Well then I should say the chances of 
 recovery are very slight." 
 
 " You can give me no advice then ? " I 
 said, battling hard to keep control over my- 
 self. 
 
 " Yes," he replied, " I can, and I will. 
 Make up your mind to the inevitable, my 
 dear sir. Cease your useless regrets and 
 h2
 
 100 Priend Perditus. 
 
 your strivings to remember. You cannot 
 force nature to your own bent. Turn your 
 back resolutely upon the past, live in the 
 present, and look forward to the future. So 
 your brain will grow healthier, and then 
 who can say what might happen ? You are 
 well ofP, are you not ? " 
 
 ^'^Yes." 
 
 ^^ Well, that is a pity ; if you had had to 
 work for your living it would have been 
 better. You must occupy your brain some- 
 how, and in your case I really think the 
 excitement of money making would have 
 been the best thing for you. As it is, how- 
 ever, you must set up a hobby, my dear sir. 
 Go in for collecting pictures, or breeding 
 horses and dogs ; that's considered the 
 correct thing for a monied man in England, 
 is it not ? " 
 
 '^ I don't know anything about that," I 
 said ; " but I must admit my tastes are not 
 artistic, nor do I care for liorses and dogs 
 particularly." 
 
 Hall laughed.
 
 Priend Perditus. 101 
 
 " You needn't pull a long face about that, 
 Perditus. You might certainly indulge in 
 a little dog fancying if you felt inclined, but 
 horses and pictures are quite beyond your 
 means." 
 
 " But I understood you to say he was 
 rich, did I not ? " inquired Dr. Marion. 
 
 '^ Wei], not exactly rich," replied Hall, 
 ^^ I suppose he will have an income some- 
 where about two thousand a year." 
 
 '' Mon Dieu ! is that all ? " exclaimed the 
 old man. '' My dear sir, I congratulate 
 you ! Set to work, set to work at once. 
 Why I am as rich a man as you are, and yet 
 at past sixty years of age I work from ten 
 until four every day of my life. An English- 
 man satisfied with a paltry two thousand a 
 year! You amaze me. Make your two 
 thousand a year ten thousand, and then 
 double that. England wouldn't be what it 
 is, my dear sir, the richest country in the 
 world, if it's men had had as little enterprise 
 as you have. Come, now, give up lounging 
 and lazing about ; put your shoulder Lo
 
 102 Priend Perditus. 
 
 the wheel, and do a man's work in the 
 world/' 
 
 The frenchman had a clear, high, musical 
 voice, and as it rang through the room it 
 seemed to stir my very fibres. I rose and 
 faced him. 
 
 " God bless you, sir !" I cried. '' You have 
 put heart in me. But my means are suffi- 
 cient for my wants. If I only had some 
 one to work for — some one besides my- 
 self " 
 
 With a gesture of his hand he stopped 
 me. 
 
 " Mon ami," he said very gravely, " what 
 I hear then of your England cannot surely 
 be true." 
 
 '' How ? What do you hear ? " 
 
 His eyes gre\v soft and full of pity, as he 
 continued — 
 
 " I hear of houseless wretched men and 
 women, and of children, who starve in the 
 midst of plenty. With these about you, 
 can you say you have no incentive to work ? 
 Your life is empty now. Look around you ;
 
 Priend Pehditus. 103 
 
 open your heart to the miseries and troubles 
 of others ; in alleviating their' s your own 
 will lift and fade away." 
 
 I was very touched at his earnestness, 
 and seeing this he took me by the hand and 
 shook it warmly. 
 
 "There I have done," he said. "I am 
 afraid, my friend, I have not been strictly 
 professional in my treatment of you, but 
 have rather encroached on the province of 
 the priest. It is the unusual interest of 
 your case that has startled me into this 
 little sermon, however, so you must forgive 
 me. Now, good bye, and good luck. Nay " 
 — interrupting a surreptitious and furtive 
 movement of Hall's hand, which contained 
 a little white paper packet — "indeed you 
 must not insist, or you will pain me. I do 
 not sell advice of this sort, sir. But if you 
 wish to give me a pleasure, gentlemen, visit 
 me as a friend whenever you come to Paris. 
 My interest is strongly excited. Satisfy it, 
 and you will do me a real service." 
 
 How brightly the sun shone ; how sweetly
 
 104 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 the gentle breezes fanned and cooled our 
 faces as we turned our backs upon the old 
 doctor's house, and stepped briskly out- 
 wards. 
 
 " Hall," I said, " has any change come 
 over the scene since we have been in that 
 house, or is the alteration only in myself? 
 Half an hour ago I was oppressed and 
 scorched with the heat, and blinded with 
 the glare of the sun ; now, everything 
 looks lovely to me " — I stopped suddenly — 
 " except that ! " I cried. '' Oh, Hall, see 
 there, that poor old wretch with the 
 bundle of rags on his back ! Here, wait a 
 minute " 
 
 I ran to the old man, and giving him a 
 coin which caused him to stare in astonish- 
 ment, I rejoined my companion. 
 
 " "What a miserable spectacle," I said, 
 with a shudder. 
 
 '• But, my dear fellow, you've seen heaps 
 of them before." 
 
 "What?" I cried. 
 
 " That old fellow was a chiffonnier, or in
 
 Priend Pehditus. 105 
 
 other words a licensed dealer in garbage. 
 There are dozens of them about : I don't 
 think I have ever been out in Paris without 
 coming in contact with one at least." 
 
 " That's curious, too," I replied thought- 
 fully. " I have been here a fortnight, and 
 I declare to you T have never noticed one 
 of them." 
 
 " Oh, your eyes have been turned in- 
 wards, not outwards, my boy. You are 
 beginning to look about you — that's what 
 it is, Priend." 
 
 This remark of his set me thinking ; and 
 after a spell of silence I faltered out — 
 
 '' Hall, there is something I want you to 
 tell me." 
 
 My serious tone startled him a little, 
 evidently. 
 
 " What is it, old fellow ? Pire awav ! " 
 
 " I want to know for my own satisfaction 
 how it has been possible to you to make a 
 friend of me ? I know you love me. I 
 should be an ungrateful wretch if I doubted 
 it, even in my own mind; but what on
 
 106 Priend Perditus. 
 
 earth you can have seen in me to care for 
 I cannot imagine. Do you know, during 
 these last few minutes, an extraordinary 
 power seems to have come to me — the 
 power of seeing myself as I have been 
 for the last ten months, but as I will be 
 no longer, please God. Oh, Hall, how can 
 you have put up with such a selfish 
 brute ? " 
 
 *' I have waited for this moment," he 
 said, looking at me in proud affection. " I 
 knew it would come; I will tell you the 
 truth, Eriend, the honest plain truth. I 
 was attracted by your appearance originally, 
 and under the spell of that attraction 
 I worked night and day to save your 
 life. With God's help I succeeded in 
 that, and then for you there arose in 
 my heart something of the tenderness 
 I should imagine a woman feels towards 
 the helpless child she has brought into 
 the world. I pitied you from my very 
 soul, and out of that pity grew a strange 
 absorbing affection ; and, as a mother exacts
 
 Priend Perditus. 107 
 
 no return from her child, so, in the first 
 case, did I exact none from you." 
 
 '' But afterwards — afterwards. Hall ? " I 
 cried ; " it is of the last few months that I 
 am so bitterly ashamed, before that I cannot 
 consider that I was in the least account- 
 able." 
 
 " I am a judge of character," Hall con- 
 tinued, "and, moreover, an obstinate believer 
 in my own opinion. I knew that you were 
 under a cloud, aiid also that the cloud would 
 lift one day, and let your real nature appear 
 as it is." 
 
 " I am sure I am glad you have had some 
 comforting anticipation to uphold you under 
 such an infliction as my society must have 
 been," I murmured remorsefully. 
 
 Hall burst into a hearty laugh. 
 
 ''Oh come, Priend," he cried, ''don't paint 
 the devil blacker than he need be. I have 
 been as proud as Punch of you. Every time 
 I have heard any one admire you — oh, non- 
 sense, don't try to look innocent, we used 
 to have a perfect trail of women after us in
 
 108 Priend Perditus. 
 
 those Italian galleries, and, judging from 
 their most odious comparisons, I certainly 
 was not the lode-star that attracted them. 
 — at every complimentary expression that 
 you excited, I tell you I used to plume my 
 feathers. ' You owe it all to me, mesdames,' 
 I would cry inwardly ; ' for all your grati- 
 fication you would thank the black, clumsy, 
 ugly man, if you gave thanks where thanks 
 were due.' " 
 
 I shook my head with a deprecatory 
 smile ; but his railery amused me in spite 
 of myself. 
 
 ''That's right, Priend," he said; "cheer 
 up, old man, you have not been by any 
 means as bad as you think you have ; but 
 if you had been the most thorough-going 
 egotist under the sun, such a moment as this 
 would have rewarded me for all my suffer- 
 ings." 
 
 '' One word more, Hall," I said, laying 
 my hand on his arm. "Do you agree with 
 the Erench physician's opinion as to my 
 ultimate recovery ? "
 
 Friend Perditus. 109 
 
 He considered a moment, and then replied 
 gravely — 
 
 'Triend, I am in a most difficult position. 
 1 do not agree with Dr. Marion, although, 
 for your sake, I almost wish I could tell 
 you that I did. However, it must be ad- 
 mitted that his opinion is a far weightier 
 one than mine^ and in one thing I perfectly 
 coincide with him. I advise you most 
 strenuously, as he does, to look to the 
 future, and to leave speculating about the 
 past." 
 
 ^'I will take your advice," I said firmly. 
 ^^ I w^ill not go out of my way to seek for 
 evidence as to my former state ; I wil) 
 detach my mind from the past unless a clue 
 is thrown in my way. Promise me. Hall, 
 that you will help me if any such clue 
 should come across my path, and then let 
 the subject be dropped between us." 
 
 He wrung my hand silently, but I under- 
 stood him, and then he cried cheerily — 
 
 " Now then, what shall be our next 
 move ? "
 
 110 Priend Peiiditus. 
 
 '' Let me go home again," I said, " and 
 set to work in some way. I feel an over- 
 whelming desire upon me to have some 
 settled occupation." 
 
 " Very well, then," he said readily, " we 
 will return to-morrow. Having taken 
 places at the opera to-night it is scarcely 
 worth while wasting our tickets." 
 
 '' Certainly not," I agreed ; '' I shouldn't 
 like to miss ' Paust,'* for I can appreciate 
 music at any rate." 
 
 Our way back to our hotel lay past a 
 stone building which had several times 
 aroused my curiosity in consequence of the 
 continual stream of excited looking men 
 who were passing in and out. I had often 
 intended inquiring what show was to be 
 seen within it's walls, but something had 
 always distracted my thoughts ere the words 
 had been spoken. This particular day it 
 arrested my attention again. 
 
 " What entertainment goes on there ? " I 
 asked. 
 
 '' Why that's the Bourse," he answered ;
 
 PUIEND PeRDITUS. Ill 
 
 " the same sort of thing as the Stock Ex- 
 change, you know." 
 
 '' What do they do there ? " 
 
 "Ah, my dear fellow, you must ask 
 somebody else that question. The buying 
 and selling of stocks and shares has always 
 been a mystery to me. I believe the 
 business is to sell what you haven't got 
 to somebody who doesn't want it, and to 
 make an enormous profit by the transac- 
 tion. However, if you would like to see 
 something of the real spirit of money 
 making, let us turn in here for a minute. 
 That is the difference between the Bourse 
 and Stock Exchange ; here they admit the 
 public; there I suppose they don't care 
 to have witnesses of their wild excitement 
 and extravagances." 
 
 Eor half an hour I stood in the gallery 
 over-looking the crowded hall, wrapt in 
 the profoundest interest. To me there 
 was an absorbing fascination about the 
 scene. Here was excitement and energy 
 and life at last. There was nothing absurd
 
 112 Pkiend Perditus. 
 
 to me in the frenzied gestures and wild 
 gesticulations which went on in every 
 direction. These men were terrihly in 
 earnest, they were working with a will at 
 any rate. 
 
 Presently, immediately under where we 
 stood, there was a momentary increase in 
 the hum of voices, and then a sudden 
 silence. The crowd parted, and I saw two 
 men supporting to the fresh air another, 
 who was evidently fainting. 
 
 *' What's the matter?" I enquh-ed of Hall. 
 
 '' Oh, that's a frequent occurrence, I 
 should think. The wonder to me is that 
 these fellows stand the strain of excitement 
 as long as they do. One can't run the 
 chance of winning or losing a fortune in 
 half an hour as these men do without 
 suffering for it in the end. Why, I know 
 a stockbroker in England who made a 
 hundred thousand pounds in one transac- 
 tion alone. But come along now, my boy, 
 if you have had enough of it ; a little of 
 it goes a long way with me."
 
 Priend Pehditus. 113 
 
 I woald willingly have spent the whole 
 of my afternoon there, but I had learnt my 
 lesson, and I turned to come aw^ay at once. 
 The scene, and my friend's words, however, 
 haunted me until the glorious music of 
 " Eaust " banished that and everything else 
 from my mind. 
 
 VOL. I.
 
 CHAPTEE VI. 
 
 Those who know the Grand Opera at Paris 
 will need no description of its glories 
 from me; and those who do not would 
 gain a very poor idea of it through my 
 imperfect pen. In fact, judging from my 
 own experience, descriptions of buildings 
 always leave a most vague and unsatis- 
 factory impression on the mind. Suffice 
 it therefore to say that I was thoroughly 
 delighted with all that I saw and heard. 
 
 Por the first time I experienced a 
 sensation of real enjoyment ; some barrier 
 between me and pleasure seemed to have 
 been removed, and an oppressive weight 
 to have been lifted oflP mv mind.
 
 Priend Perditus. 115 
 
 My eyes wandered round the brilliant 
 scene eagerly, and I soon became aware of 
 a new capability of observation. I might 
 almost have imagined that all sorts of little 
 incidents had been prepared for my especial 
 gratification, had I not been shrewd enough 
 to recognise the truth, which was that at 
 length I had broken free from the chains 
 which bound me to myself, aud in a few 
 short hours my fellow creatures had become 
 objects of interest to me entirely apart from 
 any connection with myself. 
 
 So delighted was I to discover this faCt, 
 that I gave myself up to looking about me, 
 and the inspired music of '' Eaust " served 
 as a dreamy lovely accompaniment to this 
 newly-found pleasure. 
 
 I enjoyed myself silently, however, for 
 one glance at my companion showed me 
 that to have interrupted his genuine appre- 
 ciation of .the opera would have been a 
 positive cruelty. 
 
 During the first act my attention wan- 
 dered in every direction, but at the be- 
 i2
 
 116 Priend Peeditus. 
 
 ginning of the second it became riveted, 
 and it never strayed again. 
 
 The house had been crowded from the 
 commencement ; in fact, every place ap- 
 peared to me to be occupied, with the 
 exception of one rather small private box, 
 which was situated at a short distance from 
 the spot where Hall and I were sitting. 
 
 In my newly-awakened interest in things 
 generally, I was wondering why this box 
 alone should remain empty, when suddenly 
 the door at the back opened and I saw two 
 persons enter. Por an instant they re- 
 mained in the shadow removing cloaks and 
 wraps, and then the more important of the 
 two figures advanced to the front and took 
 her seat. 
 
 Pascinated I gazed at her, and as I gazed 
 a strange chilling sense of uneasiness began 
 to creep over me. 
 
 The woman before me inspired me with 
 a strong sense of nervous dislike; but at 
 the same time I was perfectly aware that 
 there was a repugnant attraction about her
 
 Priend Perditus. 117 
 
 which rendered her far more interesting to 
 me than any of, the beautiful women by 
 whom I was surrounded. 
 
 Can I convey any impression of her, I 
 wonder ? I will try. 
 
 I saw before me a woman of about five 
 and forty years of age, with a countenance 
 which, even softened by the distance of fifty 
 yards or so, struck me as being the most 
 cruel and repulsive I had ever looked upon. 
 Tlie forehead was low, but the face was 
 very large and of a deathly pallor ; the hair 
 was positively black, as were also the enor- 
 mously thick, straight, scowling eyebrows ; 
 the eyes— small, dark, and piercing — even 
 from where I sat I could see reflected the 
 light in a strange steely glitter. The nose 
 was broad and flat, and the nostrils dis- 
 tended, but it was in tlie large, coarse 
 mouth, and heavy brutal jaw, that the 
 principal repulsion of the face lay. 
 
 A strongly - defined black moustache 
 fringed the upper lip, which was drawn 
 slightly back so as to habitually show the
 
 118 Priend Perditus. 
 
 teeth ; but what rendered the face ahnost 
 unspeakably repellant was the livid purple 
 hue of the lips. Only once have I seen 
 anything like the colour of those dreadful 
 lips, and that was some years afterwards, 
 when, in the Morgue, I looked upon the 
 corpse of a man who had been killed by 
 strangulation. 
 
 The woman was dressed in a gown of 
 scarlet satin, and showed her bare neck and 
 a pair of strong finely-formed white arms. 
 Her hands were ungloved and singularly 
 small and delicate for her size, and the 
 fingers were covered with sparkling, bril- 
 liant rings. 
 
 So absorbed was I in the contemplation 
 of this forbidding-looking person that I had 
 entirely forgotten that she had a companion 
 with her, until I saw her turn her head and, 
 with a peremptory action, beckon to the 
 other, who had up to this time remained in 
 the shadow at the back. 
 
 Then there came to the front of the box a 
 creature in such startling contrast to the
 
 Priend Perditus. 119 
 
 other that it was with difficulty I sup- 
 pressed a smothered ejaculation of astonish- 
 ment. 
 
 The new comer was a young girl of 
 about seventeen years of age. She was clad 
 in some dark, heavy looking material which 
 rendered her conspicuous among the throng 
 of very-much-dressed — or, to speak more 
 correctly, undressed — women around, and at 
 once I surmised that she wore the costume 
 peculiar to some convent school. But her 
 face it was that caused my heart to beat 
 with surprise, and then to ache with 
 sympathy. 
 
 Fair she was, and soft and gentle ; her 
 golden hair streamed over her shoulders and 
 curled in short natural curls round her fore- 
 head ; the cheek was pale, and the sweet 
 mouth was sad and drooping, but the eyes, 
 full of a wistful pathos, pierced me to the 
 very soul. 
 
 I drew my breath pantingly as I gazed at 
 her ; I seemed to recognise a strange affinity 
 between us. There was a desolate look in
 
 120 Priend Perditus. 
 
 those wistful eyes which was echoed in my 
 own heart. At once I made out her story. 
 
 " Who could look upon her," I thought, 
 '' and not read it ? She is alone in the 
 world, as I am. There is no sympathy 
 between her and that horror next her ; how 
 could there he ? As soon expect the dove 
 to consort with the vulture." 
 
 So wrapt was I in my contemplation of 
 the incongruous ill-assorted pair, that the 
 act came to an end without my noticing it. 
 I was roused by Hall tapping rne on the 
 shoulder. 
 
 " Come, old chap," he said, ** let us have 
 a turn in the foyer ; the place is getting 
 tremendously hot." 
 
 '* You go, Charlie ; I would rather stay 
 here," I replied. 
 
 '' "Why what on earth for?" he asked in 
 surprise ; then with a chuckle he continued, 
 " Oh,. I see, there is some attraction in one 
 of the boxes, eh .'^ " 
 
 "Tell me, Hall," I said, "what do you 
 think of them?"
 
 Eriend Perditus. 121' 
 
 " Think of whom ? " 
 
 "Why those ladies in the third box to 
 the left." 
 
 " Give me the glasses old man ; my eyes 
 are not so good as yours. Oh, by Jove ! " 
 he ejaculated, and then he became silent. 
 
 " Well ? " I asked impatiently. 
 
 '' Well, my boy, I think they represent 
 the wolf and the lamb as well as any couple 
 I ever saw. Upon my soul I am sorry for 
 the little girl if she is destined to pass much 
 of her time in the societv of that most 
 ghastly personage in red." 
 
 " But don't you think it a beautiful ap- 
 pealing face ? " I inquired anxiousl^^. 
 
 '' Which ? " he said laughingly. 
 
 " Don't be absurd, Hall," I replied in 
 some wrath; " the young girl's, of course." 
 
 He glanced at me with a merry twinkle 
 in his eye. 
 
 " Come along, old fellow," he whispered. 
 " Too much gazing at the moon, you know, 
 is apt to prove injurious. It's a pretty, 
 interesting little face, I admit ; but, my
 
 122 Priend Pehdittjs. 
 
 dear fellow, she can't be more than sixteen 
 or thereabouts, and you must be at least 
 ten or twelve years older. Take my advice, 
 strangle this incipient interest in its birth." 
 
 I shook myself free of his arm. 
 
 " It is her very childishness and weakness 
 that makes her so interesting to me," I 
 said impatiently. ^' I cannot bear to think 
 of that gentle girl having to associate 
 with that awfal loud-voiced, cruel looking 
 creature. Listen, Hall, we can hear her 
 strident tones even at this distance, and see 
 how the young girl shrinks from the notice 
 the other woman seems to court. It makes 
 mv blood boil to witness her distress. I 
 would give all I possess to be able to step 
 in and save her from such companionship 
 as that." 
 
 With a shrug of his shoulders Hall replied, 
 
 '' It's all very nice and chivalrous, my 
 dear fellow, but untold wealth wouldn't 
 purchase you that right. Besides, old boy, 
 when you have had my experience you will 
 know how ridiculous it is to be guided by
 
 Friend Pehditijs. 123 
 
 external appearances. I don't like the look 
 of the old lady, I'll admit ; but she may be 
 a very worthy soul for all that, and most 
 probably the girl is her daughter, fresh 
 home from a convent school, and as timid 
 and nervous as a young fawn." 
 
 I answered hotly — 
 
 '' You don't mean what you say, Hall. 
 That girl — that awful woman's daughter! 
 I'd stake my soul they are no relations at 
 all. It is impossible you can believe they 
 are ; you only say so to annoy me." 
 
 Hall raised his eyebrows in surprise. 
 
 "I don't understand you, Friend," he 
 said, somewhat stiffly. '' I have come to 
 no conclusion at all on the subject, of 
 course. But one thing I. do know, and 
 that is that surely these persons are not 
 of sufficient interest to us to warrant our 
 quarrelling on their account." 
 
 My face grew as hot as fire, and an 
 overwhelming sense of shame swept over 
 me. I scarcely dared to raise my eyes to 
 his serious face.
 
 124 Eriend Pehditus. 
 
 " Let US get away from here," I mur- 
 mured. '' Don't let me look at them again. 
 Oh, Hall ! forgive me, forgive me ! The 
 clay that severs our friendship I pray God 
 may be my last." 
 
 '' Hush, old man ! " he said soothingly. 
 '' You shouldn't take things so seriously. 
 I was only a little bit' huffed ; but I agree 
 with you we won't finish ' Paust ' this 
 evening. Let u*^ have a little turn among 
 the trees and a cigar, and then bed. You 
 have had your fill of excitement to-day, 
 and remember we have a long journey 
 to-morrow." 
 
 But while he was putting the glasses in 
 the case, I took the opportunity of once 
 more surreptitiously glancing over my 
 shoulder in the direction of the box. The 
 young girl had drawn further back into 
 the shade ; but the elder woman, with her 
 bare elbow^s on the edge of the box, leant 
 forward, boldly scrutinising the crowd 
 below her.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Hall and I quitted Paris the following 
 evening, but we did not pursue the same 
 route to England. The previous night we 
 had agreed it would be better for him to 
 pay another visit to Jersey and get Eis 
 friend's advice as to the sale of the re- 
 mainder of the diamonds, for I had deter- 
 mined to realise my property at once, if 
 possible, and then to turn my attention to 
 finding some lucrative exciting business. 
 
 During our conversation, while, cigar 
 in mouth, we paced slowly up and down 
 the moonlit Champs Elysees, it suddenly 
 occurred to me wdth a shock that again my 
 egotism w^as forcing itself to the front. I 
 desired to return to England, therefore to
 
 126 PiiiEND Perditus. 
 
 England we were returning, but Hall's 
 wishes on tlie subject had not been taken 
 into consideration. 
 
 Expressing myself remorsefully to this 
 effect, it was the greatest relief to me to 
 find that at length our ideas coincided 
 exactly. It seemed that the old Erench 
 physician had struck a chord in my friend's 
 heart as well as in mine. 
 
 '' My conscience pricked me severely, 
 Eriend," he said. " I am eight-and-twenty, 
 and I passed my final medical examination 
 six years ago. I have always been intend- 
 ing to settle down into regular practice. 
 In fact, I went to the little hospital to get 
 into a habit of steady work, if possible, but 
 somehow or other I have let things slip. 
 Now we will both go into harness together. 
 I tell you what we will do. I shall sell out 
 a portion of my shares, and furnish a small 
 house in a good part of London ; then I 
 shall set up a brass plate and begin work in 
 earnest." 
 
 By dint of repeated questions I ascer-
 
 Eriend Perditus. 127 
 
 tamed that by the sale cf these shares his 
 income would be considerably reduced ; but 
 more than half an hour elapsed before he 
 would consent to my means being used to 
 set us up in housekeeping. At length, 
 however, he gave in. 
 
 " You would argue the hind leg off a 
 blind horse, Friend," he said, with a laugh. 
 " It's a pity it takes such a lot of prepara- 
 tion to make a barrister ; you would be a 
 splendid special pleader." 
 
 " The bar wouldn't do for me. Hall," I 
 answered decidedly. '' I want to make 
 money faster than that : besides, it doesn't 
 seem to me that any particular talent was 
 necessary to overthrow your argument in 
 this instance. Look at the matter from an 
 impartial point of view. You really injure 
 yourself, so far as I can understand, by dis- 
 turbing your money, while I have a lot of 
 uninvested capital ready to hand ; besides, 
 dear old fellow, don't you see it is to be my 
 home as much as yours — half the expenses 
 are mine by right."
 
 128 Emend Perditus. 
 
 Hall shrugged bis shoulders. 
 
 " Have it your own way, Priend," he 
 said, " on one condition ; and that is, that 
 you allow me to repay my half by instal- 
 ments." 
 
 "All right," I replied, "then that is 
 settled." 
 
 At first it was proposed that we should 
 go together to Jersey, but after a night's 
 sleep I came to the conclusion that on 
 Hall's account I would suggest my journey- 
 ing straight to London, while he visited his 
 old friend without me. All at once an 
 uncomfortable impression came upon me. 
 He had been tied to me for so long, how 
 weary he must have become of my uncon- 
 genial society. Notwithstanding his un- 
 selfish love for me, surely it would be a 
 relief to him to be free of me for two or 
 three days. 
 
 As I anticipated, at the outset my sug- 
 gestion was very badly received ; but I 
 persevered, and after a few minutes' warm
 
 Eriend Perditus. 129 
 
 discussion Hall began to see some force in 
 my arguments. 
 
 "I am not sure, Perditus, but that you 
 are right, after all," he said, looking gravely 
 at me. " As for ray friend being better 
 pleased to see me without you, that's all 
 stuff and nonsense ; but I think it might 
 be a good thing for you if we did separate 
 for a day or two. You will have to rely 
 upon yourself presently, and perhaps it is 
 as well that you begin at once. But I 
 don't like letting you out of my sight," he 
 continued tenderly. " When I see you 
 depart I shall feel something like a poor 
 old hen, who, having hatched a brood of 
 ducklings, looks on in horror while they 
 betake themselves to the water. However, 
 no harm happens to them, despite their 
 foster-mother's agitation, nor will it to you." 
 
 Hall saw me off by the evening express 
 from Paris to Boulogne, and I had to struggle 
 hard to banish the sense of desolation which 
 came upon me as I watched his familiar 
 
 VOL. I. K
 
 130 Eriend Perditus, 
 
 beloved face disappear. But I cheered my- 
 self up with the reflection that what I had 
 done had been for the best. He might say 
 what he liked, but I knew that the two old 
 college chums would enjoy a chat over bye- 
 gone days fifty times better without me, and 
 the consciousness that I had given my dear 
 friend a pleasure at the expense of myself 
 was really so agreeable to me that at length 
 I began to realize a certain sort of enjoy- 
 ment in my lonely condition. 
 
 There was something exciting and ad- 
 venturous in the situation, and it gave me a 
 sense of importance I had not felt before. I 
 began to wish almost that Hall -had not pro- 
 vided so carefully for every contingency of 
 my journey. As it was, however, he had 
 spent quite an anxious half hour in putting 
 down on paper the plainest, fullest directions 
 as to the course I was to pursue. 
 
 "If I loved him less," I thought, as I 
 gazed dreamily out of the window into tbe 
 blackness of the night, '' I could almost find 
 it in my heart to let this little fluttering
 
 Priend Perditus. 181 
 
 piece of paper free to fly wherever it listeth, 
 and trust to my own intelligence to find my 
 way ; but as it is I will adhere to its orders as 
 strictly as though I feared the consequences 
 of doing otherwise. I would not run the 
 risk of giving him an extra moment's 
 anxiety for the world." 
 
 By-and-hye I fell asleep, and I was still 
 drowsy when, with the other passengers, 
 I was desired to proceed on board the packet 
 with all possible dispatch. 
 
 The night was beginning to lift by this 
 time, and a few silvery streaks on the horizon 
 heralded the near approach of day ; there- 
 fore, unlike the majority of the passengers, 
 I determined to remain on deck and watch 
 the sun rise. 
 
 When the commotion of starting had 
 subsided, I looked around me in the dusky 
 grey light. The deck was almost bare, 
 but at the further end of the steamer I 
 could discern dimly two or three muffled- 
 up figures. I turned my back on them, and 
 lighting my cigar leant my elbows on the 
 K 2
 
 132 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 rail that surrounded the upper deck and 
 watched the lights of Boulogne grow yellower 
 and yellower as tlie shadows rolled away, 
 and the daylight strengthened ; but presently 
 I began to stamp my feet. 
 
 "The morning air is cold," I muttered; 
 " I will go for a brisk walk. I suppose dear 
 old Charlie is well on his way by now." 
 
 There was a good swell on the water and 
 a stiff breeze blowing ; but I plunged my 
 cold fingers into my pockets and with bent 
 head faced it, and commenced diligently 
 pacing the deck. 
 
 I had traversed almost the entire length, 
 when suddenly I was brought to a complete 
 standstill, for there I saw to my astonish- 
 ment — seated by the side of a muffied-up 
 elderly lady — the young girl who had so 
 strangely and unreasonably excited my 
 interest at the Opera House the preceding 
 evening. 
 
 The blood seethed in my brain, and every 
 pulse in my body began to throb ; but, by 
 an effort, I controlled myself, and deliber-
 
 Priend Perditus. 133 
 
 ately turning on my heel walked rapidly 
 away from her. 
 
 '' Calmly, calmly, Priend Perditus," I 
 muttered to myself, ''' the conventionalities 
 of life must not be outraged ; you have not 
 been introduced to that young lady ; there- 
 fore, although you would give your ears for 
 an opportunity of making her acquaintance, 
 you had better keep a discreet distance from 
 her until you are quite master of yourself." 
 
 Pive minutes later I approached the same 
 spot again, keeping my eyes steadily fixed 
 upon the slender form before me. I could 
 see from the tell-tale blood which rushed to 
 her fair cheek that she was aware of my 
 coming, but to my inexpressible disappoint- 
 ment she kept her eyes studiously averted 
 from mine. 
 
 Looking from her to her elderly com- 
 panion I found however that I was being 
 very sternly watched, and that the old lady 
 evidently resented as an impertinence the 
 interest that I imagine was very plainly 
 shown in my face.
 
 134j Eriend Perditus. 
 
 Rising hastily, she gathered her multi- 
 tudinous wraps together, and, clutching her 
 young companion's arm, said, in tones of 
 querulous annoyance— 
 
 " Come down stairs, young lady, at once ; 
 we had better suffer sea-sickness than rude- 
 ness." 
 
 I felt as though a pail of cold water had 
 been dashed in my face ; I had not lived 
 with Charles Hall for more than a year to 
 remain ignorant of the delicate respect with 
 which women should be treated, and the 
 thought that my want of politeness had 
 occasioned these ladies actual discomfort 
 was inexpressibly mortifying to me. 
 
 They were already nearing the stairs 
 which led down to the cabin before I could 
 make up my mind what to do ; then I 
 placed myself directly in their path, and 
 doffing my cap stood bareheaded before 
 them. 
 
 *' Madam," I said humbly to the irate 
 elder lady, " I owe both you and this young 
 lady many apologies for my want of cour-
 
 Priend Perditus. 135 
 
 tesy; but indeed I intended no rudeness to 
 either of you." 
 
 The old woman waved me ofP, saying 
 grimly— 
 
 " I don't know what you consider rude- 
 ness, sir; but it seems to me an exceed- 
 ingly un gentlemanly thing to positively 
 stare a young lady out of countenance. Let 
 us pass, if you please." 
 
 " Not until you say that you forgive me," 
 I cried earnestly ; " it makes me miserable 
 to feel that I am forcing you to go down 
 into that wretched stuffy cabin." 
 
 Still she looked angrily at me, but by 
 degrees the frown died away, and an expres- 
 sion of comic perplexity came into her face. 
 
 '* I really can't tell what to make of you, 
 sir," she said; " you seem sincere when you 
 say you intended no rudeness, but still " 
 
 '' Indeed, madam," I murmured, " I 
 would not for the world offer you any dis- 
 respect." 
 
 Another minute the old lady hesitated, 
 and then the hard lines round her mouth
 
 136 Friend Perditus. 
 
 relaxed, and a pleasant smile overspread 
 her countenance. 
 
 ''Well," she said, "I am inclined to 
 believe you, you don't look like an impu- 
 dent fellow, I am bound to admit that/' 
 
 I bowed, low to them, and was turninf^ 
 away from them, when an unexpected lurch 
 of the vessel caused the old lady to drop the 
 rugs and WTaps that she carried, and to 
 totter forward. 
 
 E/unning to her assistance I prevented 
 her falling, and then gathering her things 
 together, I begged to be allowed to help her 
 down the cabin stairs, which were steep and 
 dangerous, if she still felt the same desire 
 to go below. 
 
 With her head on one side she looked 
 at me an instant, and then she said 
 bluntly — 
 
 " Let us understand each other, young 
 gentleman, if you please. I don't want to 
 go down into that cabin if I can help it, for 
 I know I shall be sea-sick, and I won't go 
 down if you will give me your word to keep
 
 Priend Peuditus. 137 
 
 at the other end of the vessel and leave us 
 unmolested for the rest of the journey." 
 
 Deeply mortified I put the rugs which I 
 held down upon the deck at her feet, and 
 raising my cap, without a word walked 
 awav from them; hut I had not taken a 
 dozen steps before the vessel gave another 
 lurch, and I heard a smothered exclamation 
 of distress in my rear. 
 
 Turning involuntarily, I saw that the old 
 lady had fallen upon the deck, and that her 
 young companion was trying in vain to 
 raise her. 
 
 Impulsively I ran back to them. 
 
 " Pray let me help you," I cried. '' I 
 will go away directly afterwards, only let 
 me assist you now." 
 
 The old lady's face was puckered up with 
 pain. 
 
 '^ Let you assist me ! " she said testily. 
 '' I have no choice. I believe my ankle is 
 sprained. Here is a pretty state of things. 
 Ten boxes in the hold, besides all these 
 things, and nobody to look after them."
 
 138 Priend Pehditus. 
 
 While she bemoaned her fate, with the 
 young girl's help I arranged the numerous 
 rugs on the nearest seat, and then, return- 
 ing to the sufferer, I lifted her easily in my 
 arms, and placed her on the soft couch I 
 had prepared. 
 
 " Oh, dear ! oh, dear !" she cried; '^was 
 ever anything so unfortunate ? I don't 
 believe I could stand for a moment. It 
 would have been bad enough, any way, to 
 have met with such an accident ; but with 
 you " — to the young lady — '^ on my hands, 
 too, I don't know what I am to do, I am 
 sure." 
 
 '' I am sorry," rejoined her companion, 
 " to add to your troubles ; but surely I can 
 be of some service, can I not ? " 
 
 '' Good gracious, no ! " was the irritable 
 reply. " Do you suppose I can send you to 
 look after our luggage ? " 
 
 '' Pray do not worry yourself on that 
 account," I said soothingly. " You can 
 command me in any way. You will really 
 be doing me a kindness by employing me."
 
 Priend Perditus. 139 
 
 This offer of mine was very graciously- 
 received, but I was careful to keep at some 
 little distance from the pair, until I saw 
 that we were nearing our destination ; then 
 I returned to them. The old lady gave a 
 sigh of relief when she saw me. 
 
 " Oh, here you are, are you ? I thought 
 you had repented already of your offer, and 
 had deserted us." 
 
 " Indeed, no," I responded. " I did not 
 wdsh to intrude, but I have been within 
 sight of you all the time." 
 
 '' Ah, sir," she said, " I owe you an 
 apology now. However, I am sure you 
 will forgive an old woman's querulousness. 
 Don't go away again, please. Indeed, I 
 feel and appreciate your kindness, although 
 I have accepted it so gracelessly." 
 
 I was lucky in getting their luggage 
 together without any mistake ; but when I 
 had assisted the two ladies into an empty 
 first-class carriage, the elder held out her 
 hand, and, thanking me warmly, bade me 
 farewell.
 
 140 Priend Perditus. 
 
 "You are quite sure I can do nothing 
 for you at the other end ? " I inquired wist- 
 fully. 
 
 I felt that I could not propose it, hut I 
 would have given a great deal to have made 
 a third in their carriage. 
 
 She smiled kindly at me. 
 
 ''No, indeed," she said; "I have troubled 
 you sufficiently already. After all, my foot 
 is not so bad ; I can stand now quite well." 
 
 Still I hesitated. 
 
 " I should be so glad to be of any further 
 service," I murmured. 
 
 She regarded me steadily for a moment, 
 and then a humorous twinkle appeared in 
 her rather misty blue eyes. 
 
 " If that is really so, I should be sorry to 
 thwart your wishes. I shall be very glad if 
 you will see me safely into a cab presently. 
 Come," she said, pushing the carriage door 
 open, ''jump in. Don't you see the train is 
 just starting ? " 
 
 She was right. It began to move as she 
 spoke ; but I managed to scramble in, and
 
 Priend Perditus. 141 
 
 perfectly contented I felt as I took my seat 
 opposite the two ladies. 
 
 The old lady talked at first pleasantly and 
 kindly, but after half an hour or so she 
 fell into a deep sleep, and under cover of 
 her heavy, sonorous breathing, I was able 
 to converse unrestrainedly with her gentle 
 companion. 
 
 Had I known more of the laws of society 
 I should probably have been less at my 
 ease than I was ; but 1 was ignorant that 
 I was committing any solecisms when I 
 asked the questions which my deep interest 
 prompted, nor did the young girl apparently 
 think me unduly curious. Indeed it seemed 
 to be a relief to her to tell me her story. 
 
 It appeared on the death of her mother 
 she had been placed in a convent school 
 in Paris twelve years before, when she 
 was but five years of age — she was now 
 seventeen— and there she had remained, 
 seldom quitting its walls, until she reached 
 the age of fifteen. Then a terrible trouble 
 had come upon her. Her father had been
 
 142 Pktend Perditus. 
 
 smitten down by apoplexy on learning tlie 
 loss of his entire fortune, and on her 
 fifteenth birthday she had received the 
 news that she w^as an orphan and penniless. 
 In this awfni emergency the lady with 
 whom I had seen her at the Opera came 
 forward and offered her a home. 
 
 " But surely," I cried with blameable 
 imprudence, " surely you could not wish 
 to become a member of that lady's family." 
 
 She looked at me in surprise. 
 
 " I mean," I stammered, " I noticed 
 you at the Opera last night, and I fancied 
 you did not appear congenial." 
 
 «« Were you there ? " she exclaimed in 
 girlish wonder. '' I did not see you, how 
 very strange." 
 
 Then the brightness faded out of her 
 eyes again, and she continued pathetically — 
 
 " I don't think we should judge any one 
 entirely by outward appearances, do you ? 
 You must recollect that this lady is a 
 complete stranger to you. She has acted 
 most generously towards me for two years,
 
 Pkiend Perditus. 143 
 
 and now that she can no longer bear the 
 expense of my keep I am no less grateful 
 to her. But for her I must have begun 
 the battle of life when my father died; 
 and it would have been harder for me at 
 fifteen than at seventeen, that I am sure 
 you will admit. I am on my way to my 
 first situation as a nursery governess now." 
 
 I was infinitely touched ; there was some- 
 thing so brave and yet so unhappy in the 
 soft appealing eyes. 
 
 " But have you no one to stand between 
 you and the buffets of the world ? " f 
 cried. 
 
 " I have no one," she replied, her eyes 
 filling with tears. " I must rely upon 
 myself alone. I have no friend except the 
 lady you saw me with, and no money." 
 
 After this by mutual consent we relapsed 
 into silence. Prom time to time I looked 
 at her. She still kept her head turned 
 from me, but ever and anon I could see 
 the little hand steal furtively to her face, 
 and I knew that she was quietly weeping.
 
 144 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " Poor friendless child," I thought, 
 '' our lots are cast in rugged places. 
 Pate has used us cruelly, both of us. 
 Even now she mocks and torments me. 
 I must sit quietly by and see you suffer, 
 knowing all the while that if society per- 
 mitted I could make your life a happy one, 
 and ease your mind of all anxiety and 
 trouble." 
 
 By-and-bye my companion turned to me 
 again ; her eyelids still bore the traces of 
 tears, but her face and manner were quite 
 composed. 
 
 " I must apologise, sir," she said with a 
 quiet dignity quite unusual at her age. '' I 
 am afraid you will think me very weak. I 
 resolved so firmly last night that I would 
 not break down, whatever happened ; but 
 you see my good resolutions already have 
 come to nothing. It shall not occur again, 
 however, I am determined. I am no worse 
 ofP after all than many have been before me. 
 At least I am well educated, which is a 
 great blessing, is it not ? "
 
 Friend Perditus. 145 
 
 " Indeed it is," I answered readily, " the 
 greatest blessing nowadays." 
 
 I spoke cheerfully, for I would not for 
 the world have chilled her brave spirit, but 
 my heart was very sore, for she looked so 
 fragile — so much in want of a protector. 
 
 I considered a few minutes longer, and 
 then I said : 
 
 " I am sure you will acquit me of any 
 impertinence, but I should be very glad if 
 you would tell me your name and where 
 you are going to live. I have no settled 
 address in London at present, but when I 
 have I should like to send it to you ; it 
 might be a comfort to you to know that a 
 faithful friend was within call in case of 
 need." 
 
 Impulsively she clasped her little hands 
 together with an exclamation of gratitude ; 
 but after a minute's reflection she shook 
 her head gravely. 
 
 '* I cannot do that," she said wistfully, 
 looking at me ; "I should like to, but it 
 would not be right." 
 
 VOL. I. L
 
 146 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " But why not ? What harm could there 
 possibly be ? " I asked eagerly. 
 
 " I don't know," she answered simply ; 
 " but the Lady Superior, when she bade me 
 farewell at the convent, warned me that I 
 must be very careful, and circumspect, she 
 called it. Therefore," she continued with a 
 piteous little action of the hands, " you see 
 that it is impossible for me to reply to you. 
 I am so ignorant, and the Lady Superior 
 meant kindly towards me. You would not 
 ask me to disregard her counsels, would 
 you?" 
 
 Her earnest appeal silenced me. I did 
 not dare to tempt her from what she con- 
 sidered right. My knowledge of the world 
 was slight, heaven knows, but my instinct 
 taught me I should be doing this young 
 girl an irremediable injury if I persuaded 
 her to act in opposition to her conscience. 
 
 '* She will need al] her strength," I 
 thought sadly. " God forbid that she 
 should reproach me in the future with
 
 Eriend Peuditus. 147 
 
 being the first that tempted her to defy 
 her inward monitor." 
 
 We spoke no more until I surmised, from 
 the thick curtain of smoke which even at 
 that early hour obscured the brightness of 
 the sky, that we were entering the outskirts 
 of London. Then we agreed that it was 
 time to awaken our companion ; but before 
 doing so I whispered to the girl. 
 
 '* You see I have respected your scruples, 
 I have not attempted to persuade you ; but 
 now let us consult your old friend here on 
 the subject. If she sees no objection, I hope 
 you will give me your address." 
 
 An expression of pleasure came into her 
 eyes. 
 
 '' Yes," she replied eagerly, " we will 
 make her the judge. I hope she will think 
 diiGferently from the Lady Superior. She 
 may, you know," she continued naively, 
 '' for she has seen you for herself, whereas 
 the Lady Superior only spoke of people in 
 general." 
 
 l2
 
 148 Priend Perditus 
 
 My heart warmed within me at her 
 unconscious compliment, and at once I 
 hastened to awaken her chaperone. But 
 the old lady was so excited when she dis- 
 covered our close proximity to the great 
 city, and so full of reproaches that we had 
 not awakened her sooner, that by a silent 
 glance we agreed it was an unpropitious 
 moment for seeking any cool advice from 
 her. 
 
 Not until she was settled in the cab did 
 she allow me a minutes' breathing time ; 
 but then she gave a great sigh of content, 
 and said gratefully, 
 
 '* I can never thank you enough, sir, for 
 your great goodness." 
 
 " Don't mention it, pray/' I replied 
 politely, and seizing the opportunity, I con- 
 tinued, " You are so kind, madam, that I 
 feel sure you will not consider me taking a 
 liberty if I ask the favour of a little 
 advice." 
 
 I lost no further time in stating my case. 
 She listened with a shrewd, kindly look
 
 Feiend Perditus. 149 
 
 on her plain old face, but when I had 
 finished she shook her head. 
 
 " I am sorry," she responded gently, " that 
 I cannot say what you wdsh me to, but I 
 really could not reconcile it to my con- 
 science to do so. It would be a different 
 thing if this young lady were going to 
 remain under my care ; then, if I chose, I 
 could take the responsibility of allowing you 
 to resume your acquaintance with her. As 
 it is, however, I am simply her chaperone 
 for the journey. To-morrow she will le^e 
 my care." 
 
 " I am sorry to disappoint you," she 
 repeated, and then she stretched out her 
 hand to me, saying heartily : " Good bye, 
 and don't look so dismal ; one can't have 
 everything according to one's wishes, you 
 know^ Good-bye ; I hope one day we shall 
 meet again." 
 
 I bow^ed, but I could not speak. I could 
 not account for the intensity of my feelings, 
 but it seemed to me as if I were about to lose 
 something that had grown very dear to me.
 
 150 Friend Perditus. 
 
 The cabman had ascended to his seat 
 and was gathering up the reins before 
 I raised my downcast head, and saw that 
 the old lady had retired from the window 
 to make way for her young companion. 
 
 The girl's lips trembled, and her eyes were 
 brimming over with tears. 
 
 " Good-bye, good-bye/' she whispered, 
 with a pathetic little tremor in her voice, 
 "we can shake hands, at least. Heaven re- 
 ward you for your kindness and sympathy." 
 
 In a sort of dream I pressed the small 
 hand in mine, and then I watched the sweet 
 sad face until I could see it no longer. 
 
 The cab drove slowly out of the station 
 yard ; but still I stood there staring blankly 
 in the direction it had taken. At length 
 I pulled myself together, and muttered 
 almost fiercely. 
 
 " You are a fool, Friend Perditus. What 
 has become of your brave confident spirit ? 
 Will you let a disappointment like this 
 crush you ? Come, rouse yourself, man ; 
 go about your own business, and cease to
 
 Feiend Peuditus. 151 
 
 worry yourself over what does not concern 
 
 But an argument with so intangible an 
 opponent as an undefined sensation of dis- 
 appointment always turns out very unsatis- 
 factorily. Say what I might, it was impos- 
 sible to convince myself that, with or with- 
 out cause, I did not feel very unhappy, and 
 at last I gave up the eflPort. 
 
 " It's no good," I muttered. " I feel as 
 down as ever I can be. One thing, how- 
 ever, I am glad of, and that is that dear 
 old Charlie is spared the sight of my dismal 
 countenance. Let us hope I shall have 
 shaken off this blue devil before he appears 
 upon the scene again. I will do my best, 
 at any rate.'' 
 
 With which laudable resolve I re-entered 
 the busy station, and after some trouble 
 discovering my trunk, hailed a hansom, 
 and desired to be driven straight to the 
 address with which Hall had supplied me.
 
 CHAPTER YIII. 
 
 I HAD been in London for two days on the 
 occasion that Hall and I revisited Lancashire 
 for the purpose of recovering my diamonds, 
 but that time we had put up at an hotel 
 in the West End ; now it was towards the 
 Strand that I took my way. 
 
 I was driven briskly along the Embank- 
 ment. It was still early, and the gardeners 
 were busily engaged in sweeping up the 
 fallen leaves, and making their green little 
 domains trim and tidy for the day. But 
 what interested me far more was the stream 
 of well-dressed, spruce-looking men, which 
 a natural law of gravitation seemed to be 
 drawing eastwards. 
 
 At last it occurred to me that something
 
 Priend Pehditus. 153 
 
 unusual must be going on in that direction ; 
 and pushing open the little trap door in the 
 roof of the cab, I inquired of the driver 
 whether this was so. 
 
 '' Not that I have heer'd on, sir, and I 
 should have heer'd on it if there was any- 
 thing special up," he replied civilly. 
 
 '' But these gentlemen are all going the 
 same way ; we meet no one scarcely ; surely 
 there must be some reason for it." 
 
 " Lor bless your heart, no, sir. You are 
 new to London, evidently. These are busi- 
 ness gents, on their way to the City. On 
 fine mornings lots of 'em comes up by train 
 to Charing Cross, and then walks along the 
 Embankment. A good blow off the river 
 freshens them up wonderful." 
 
 After this my interest in the pedestrians 
 increased a hundred fold, indeed so keen 
 was it that ere I reached my destination the 
 melancholy spirit which had oppressed me 
 in starting had almost disappeared. I had 
 not forgotten my young friend, it is true, 
 but I thought of her more hopefully. I
 
 154 Friend Perditus. 
 
 even felt a comfortable conviction in my 
 mind that somehow or other we should meet 
 again before very long. 
 
 Hairs friend, to whom I bore a letter of 
 introduction, was a barrister, and lived in 
 chambers in the Temple, up four flights of 
 rather dark stairs. It was not ten o'clock 
 when I knocked at his door, and he was still 
 at breakfast, which however I did not regret 
 as I was very glad of an opportunity of join- 
 ing him. 
 
 Erank Nesbit was a jolly convivial fellow, 
 with hright merry blue eyes and an extra- 
 ordinarily bald head. He greeted me very 
 warmly. 
 
 "I expected you," he said; "Charlie 
 telegraphed to me last night. I waited 
 breakfast until half-past nine, and then my 
 inward ravenings growing beyond my con- 
 trol, I was obliged to satisfy them. Come, 
 fall to, old fellow. Ha, ha ! you are attracted 
 are you by the brilliant polish on the top of 
 my cranium ? Oh don't look sheepish, man ; 
 I am used to it. It is a good thing I have
 
 EuiEND Perditus. 155 
 
 to wear a wig in court, or I should never be 
 able to intimidate a reluctant witness with 
 the power of my eye. Why, do you know," 
 he added, with a fresh burst of laughter, *' I 
 never by any chance catch a person's eye in 
 private life for more than a second. My 
 friends make gallant efforts in this way, but 
 as certain as possible, after a moment's 
 struggle, they succumb ; and I feel their 
 orbs fixed upon the place where the wool 
 ought to grow." 
 
 '* I really must apologise," I stammered, 
 in great confusion. 
 
 "No, pray don't," he cried, wringing my 
 hand heartily ; ''I don't mind it m the 
 least. I should do just the same if I were 
 in your place. My head is a sort of stand- 
 ing joke between me and my intimates ; and 
 among them I hope I shall soon reckon 
 you. Any friend of dear old Charlie Hall's 
 must be a friend of mine too. By-the- 
 bye, did he not prepare you for my 
 peculiarity ? " 
 
 " No indeed," I answered, " he wilfully
 
 156 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 misled me. He described you to me as a 
 man with a shock of red hair." 
 
 Nesbit threw himself back in his chair, 
 and laughed until the tears ran down his 
 fresh ruddy cheeks. Ha, ha ! " he shouted, 
 '' what a capital sell ; no wonder you looked 
 astonished. I must have been a surprise 
 to vou." 
 
 " It was rather too bad of him, though," 
 I said, still somewhat discomfited ; " I might 
 so easily have offended you." 
 
 At this Nesbit broke into a fresh peal. 
 
 ^^ You must excuse me, my dear boy," he 
 gasped ; " but your serious view of the case 
 is so awfully funny. Hall has furnished me 
 with a good laugh at any rate. Ha, ha ! a 
 shock of red hair ! and I have been as bald 
 as an egg for three years." 
 
 There was something very fascinating to 
 me in this genuine appreciation of fun even 
 when it was poked at himself, although I 
 admit my own appreciation of humour is by 
 no means of an acute order. Under the 
 influence of his infectious mirth my gravity
 
 Priend Peeditus. 157 
 
 gave way, and together we sat and laughed 
 until we were exhausted. 
 
 Jolly, kindly Prank Nesbit ! He has a 
 tender heart, and a ready hand to help a 
 friend ; but his life is one long laugh. He 
 will be a judge some day, and a good judge, 
 too, for he is rising steadily in his profes- 
 sion ; but even on the bench I am certain 
 that he will laugh. 
 
 Charlie Hall knew his friend thoroughly, 
 and before ten minutes had passed I began 
 to suspect that his joke had had a rather 
 deep origin. Looking back at this distance 
 of time, I feel no doubt at all upon the 
 subject. Charlie knew — who so well ? — 
 that my peculiar circumstances made me a 
 very difficult person to get on with, there- 
 fore he had devised this little ruse to throw 
 us both off our ordinary balance ; and admi> 
 rably it succeeded, for it is quite certain no 
 other commencement could possibly have 
 placed me so soon on a good footing with 
 my genial host. Before we had concluded 
 our meal he was regarding me quite affec-
 
 158 Priend Perditus. 
 
 tionately; and when we rose satisfied, he 
 clapped me heartily on the shoulder. 
 
 " I shall rememher our meeting for many 
 a long day," he said, with a chuckle. " I 
 must own I thoroughly enjoy a good laugh, 
 and you've given me the best I have had 
 since I left college." 
 
 " It was a comical idea," I said, trying 
 vainly to perceive the full force of it. 
 
 '' But, my dear fellow," he interrupted, 
 " you hadn't half the fun out of it that I 
 had. Yoii couldn't see your ow^n face. Oh, 
 dear, you were really lovely — so shocked, so 
 confused. Ha ! ha ! Oh, I say, this won't 
 do. Let us be serious. I have some im- 
 portant business on to-day." 
 
 It was my first experience of being 
 chaffed, and, although I was not quite cer- 
 tain that I liked it altogether, I was very 
 glad, even at the expense of my own 
 dignity, to have made so pleasant an im- 
 pression. 
 
 We left the chambers together, and then 
 Nesbit inquired how I should like to employ
 
 Friend Perditus. 159 
 
 myself — whether I would go straight to bed 
 and rest after my journey at an adjacent 
 hotel, where he had already secured a room 
 for me, or whether I would turn in to the 
 National Gallery for an hour or two ? My 
 hasty refusal of both propositions rather 
 amused him. 
 
 " So you have had enough of madonnas 
 and saints, eh ? " he said, with a smile. '* I 
 thought I was quite safe in suggesting the 
 National Gallery. How strange it is Hall 
 always seems to chum with his opposite^. 
 Now we are the firmest of friends, but my 
 appreciation of old masters is anything but 
 what it should be. And as for him, he 
 simply worsliips them. I am sorry, how- 
 ever, for once that the National Gallery 
 doesn't suit you, for I have my hands full 
 to-day, morning and evening. If Charlie 
 had given me longer notice I might have 
 put off some of my business, but as it is I 
 cannot." 
 
 *' Of course you cannot," I replied has- 
 tily, feeling a little objectless myself. " I
 
 160 Priend Perditus. 
 
 wouldn't for the world interfere with any of 
 your plans." 
 
 Lifting his hat, Prank Nesbit passed his 
 hand impatiently over his smooth shining 
 head, a habit of his, I soon perceived, when 
 anything occurred to disturb his serenity. 
 
 '' I should not care about to-night," he 
 said ; " you could go to a theatre or amuse 
 yourself in a hundred different ways with- 
 out me ; but at this time in the morning 
 there's the deuce of a difficulty in finding 
 anything to do. If it wasn't for this in- 
 fernal stockbroking business I could devote 
 myself to taking you about a bit." 
 
 "Are you going on the Stock Eexchange ?" 
 I inquired eagerly. 
 
 ^^Why, not exactly;" he replied, raising 
 his eyebrows in some surprise. " I am not 
 one of the privileged fraternity, you know. 
 I am simply going to call upon a broker 
 who lives in Threadneedle Street. It's an 
 awful bore to me ; I hate figures of all 
 kinds, but I have rather a difficult brief on 
 hand, and I can't work it out without some 
 particulars from this man."
 
 Priend Perditus. 161 
 
 '' I suppose ," I said, and then I hesi- 
 tated. 
 
 " You suppose what, old fellow ? " 
 
 " I suppose you couldn't possibly take 
 me with you ? I should be in the way, 
 shouldn't I ? " 
 
 " Not the least in the world," he answered 
 readily ; " but, my dear fellow, you can't 
 seriously mean you wish to go and sit in a 
 stuffy little city office this glorious sunshiny 
 day ? " 
 
 "Indeed, I do," I answered earnestly. 
 c( There's nothing would give me so much 
 pleasure." 
 
 My companion, with an unconscious ex- 
 pression of amazement, made no further 
 remark, but hailing a hansom followed me 
 into it. In less than ten minutes we reached 
 the narrow, dingy -looking street. 
 
 " And do you mean to tell me," I cried, 
 " that rich men conduct their business in 
 such a place as this ? " 
 
 '* I do indeed," replied my conductor ; 
 '' this gentleman I am going to see is worth 
 hundreds of thousands of pounds. He is 
 
 VOL. I. M
 
 162 Pkiend Perditus. 
 
 one of the most lucky men on the Ex- 
 change — everything he takes in hand seems 
 to prosper ; however, I suppose a smash 
 will come some day." 
 
 Silently, but full of an intense interest, 
 I followed my companion up half a dozen 
 flights of dirty stone stairs ; and then into 
 a small, dingy, shabby-looking office with a 
 dilapidated carpet and dirty windows. 
 
 " Only a Croesus could afford to despise 
 appearances to that extent," whispered 
 Nesbit, pointing to an enormous hole in 
 the hearth-rug. " How the man can stand 
 such wretched surroundings, living in such 
 luxury as he does at home, I cannot 
 imagine. I suppose it is that business is 
 so exciting.'* 
 
 '' That is it," I interrupted eagerly. " He 
 is naturally so absorbed in what he is 
 about that he does not notice trifles like 
 this." 
 
 "By George, Perditus!" Nesbit com- 
 menced, and then perceiving we were no 
 longer alone he stopped abruptly.
 
 EniEND Perditus. 163 
 
 The stockbroker, or to speak more cor- 
 rectly the stockjobber, Mr. Stanniwell, who 
 had entered the room with a noisy bustle, 
 was a handsome muscular-looking man, 
 with an intelligent strongly-marked face, 
 and keen piercing gray eyes, and was to me 
 an object of the greatest admiration and 
 interest. 
 
 Nesbit briefly introduced me, and tlien 
 without an instant's pause plunged into his 
 business. I listened intently; but beyond 
 the fact that they were speaking of la^ge 
 monetary transactions I could understand 
 nothing of what they said. Presently, how- 
 ever, they came to a question of figures. 
 It was an intricate problem certainly, but 
 it was perfectly clear to me from the first, 
 and I could scarcely believe my senses when 
 I saw Frank Tsesbit throw himself back into 
 his chair in hopeless perplexity, and heard 
 Mr. Stanniwell himself declare that he was 
 puzzled, and must call one of his clerks to 
 his assistance. 
 
 Impulsively I rose. 
 
 M 9.
 
 164 Friend Perditus. 
 
 " Let me help you/' I cried eagerly ; and 
 then before they could recover from their 
 surprise I made the thing plain to them. 
 
 " By Jove ! " cried Stanniwell, "you have 
 a marvellously clear head. Why, you 
 ought to be one of us." 
 
 " I wish I was," I said. " There is 
 nothing I should like better." 
 
 " You mean you desire to go in for a 
 little speculating ? " enquired the broker. 
 
 " Certainly I do." 
 
 " And you have the means ? " 
 
 «« Why yes, I am very well off." 
 
 '' Come and see me to-morrow then," 
 said Mr. Stanniwell, " and we will have a 
 little talk." 
 
 Here Nesbit interrupted. 
 
 " I say, Perditus, take care what you are 
 about." 
 
 " Nonsense, Nesbit," cried Stanniw^ell, 
 clapping him on the back, " your friend 
 is safe in my hands, you know that. Come, 
 you ought to be the last to put a spoke in 
 my wheel, ilemember that fifty pounds
 
 EuiEND Perditus. 165 
 
 that I turned into two hundred and fifty 
 pounds for you. You would not have been 
 the thriving young barrister you are, but 
 for that. How could you have lived those 
 first two briefless years, my boy, if you 
 hadn't trusted yourself to me ? " 
 
 "That's true enough," Nesbit admitted 
 reluctantly, " but at the same time I am 
 bound to remember the agony of mind I 
 suffered when I ofl*ered up my little nest- 
 egg to you. Now a fellow like Perditus 
 with thirty or forty thousand pounds to use 
 ought to rest satisfied, I think. And if he 
 takes my advice he will." 
 
 " But I am not content," I cried. 
 " Thirty thousand pounds do not satisfy 
 me ; I want to make money ; and besides, 
 I long for some bustle and excitement. I 
 am tired of this humdrum steady-going 
 existence." 
 
 At this somewhat petulant outbreak on 
 my part, Frank Nesbit's cheery face clouded 
 over ; but he ofi'ered no further advice, nor 
 even when he heard me making an appoint-
 
 166 Priend Perditus. 
 
 ment for the morrow with the astute stock- 
 broker did he to the extent of one word of 
 expostulation interfere with the bent of my 
 inclinations. 
 
 It was past one when we left Mr. 
 Stanniwell's ofi&ce, and quite time to be 
 thinking of lunch, Nesbit declared, with 
 an effort after his former jollity; but his 
 attempts to be genial were quite in vain ; 
 an anxious air of perturbation clouded his 
 frank open countenance, and frequently I 
 observed him looking at me with a 
 questioning expression in which dis- 
 approval and uncertainty were almost 
 equally balanced. 
 
 Our luncheon was a very dismal affair, 
 an oppressive air of constraint hung over 
 both of us, which was all the heavier to me 
 because I was fullv aware that the evident 
 embarrassment of my companion was the 
 outcome of a sense of dissatisfaction with 
 me, though from what cause this dissatisfac- 
 tion arose I had not the faintest suspicion. 
 
 At length I could bear it no longer ; in
 
 Priend Perditus. 167 
 
 many respects, despite my years and manly 
 stalwart appearance, I was still very youth- 
 ful in my feelings. I had almost a childish 
 horror of blame and craving for the appro- 
 bation of my associates, and as a child 
 suffers intensely from causes which our 
 maturer judgments teach us are very 
 temporary troubles, and after all easy to 
 live down, even so did I suffer to read 
 distrust of myself in a face which before 
 had beamed upon me in the truest spirit 
 of confidence. 
 
 Leaning across the small table which 
 separated us, I placed my hand upon his arm. 
 
 '' Nesbit," I said — I was so thoroughly 
 depressed that I found it difficult to prevent 
 my voice trembling — " Nesbit, what have 
 I done ? Why are you angry with me ? " 
 
 " Angry, my dear fellow ? " he stam- 
 mered, very much disconcerted. " You 
 are mistaken, Perditus ; what right in the 
 world have I to be angry with you ? " 
 
 " I can't tell you that," I replied with a 
 melancholy shrug of the shoulders, " but I
 
 168 Priend Perditus. 
 
 am not altogether a fool, and if you are not 
 angry you are displeased, and if you are not 
 displeased you are something equally un- 
 comfortable. At any rate, since we left 
 Mr. Stanniwell's office your manner has 
 completely altered. Perhaps it would be 
 better form and more like an ordinary man 
 of the world to ignore this ; but I am not 
 ordinary, would to heaven I were, and to 
 offend you makes me miserable." 
 
 With a quick look of surprised sympathy 
 he grasped my hand. 
 
 " Don't say another word, Perditus, you 
 make me ashamed of myself; you should 
 not attach so much importance to trivial 
 matters." 
 
 " But your good opinion is not a trivial 
 matter to me," I urged. " Charlie Hall 
 says there is no man in the world he 
 respects more, and that he considers you 
 an unerring judge of character." 
 
 '' Oh, that's all nonsense," he continued 
 quickly ; " everyone makes mistakes some- 
 times."
 
 Priend Perditus. 169 
 
 '' And you find you were mistaken in 
 me," I rejoined sadly ; '' well, I am sorry 
 for it, for I am sure you were prepared to 
 like me at first, and, considering that I have 
 only one friend in the wide world, the loss 
 of your liking is an important matter to 
 me." 
 
 Rubbing his hand over liis bald head, 
 Prank Nesbit regarded me thoughtfully for 
 a moment, and then his. lips broke into 
 their former sunny smile, and he wrung my 
 hand hard. 
 
 " Bless my heart, Perditus," he cried, 
 " you may well say you are not ordinary. 
 I shall be sorry for the girls when you are 
 let loose in society, what with your persua- 
 sive voice and your appearance. Oh, you 
 needn't try to deny the soft impeachment ; 
 you haven't lived with Charlie Hall for 
 more than a year without hearing of that ; 
 the dear, ugly old boy has a perfect rever- 
 ence for physical perfections. Well, being 
 the only admirable quality that he lacks 
 himself, I suppose that is not unnatural."
 
 170 Priend Pehditus. 
 
 '^ I assure you, Perditus," he continued, 
 chuckling, " it was quite a relief to me 
 when I saw you. You are a good looking 
 chap, I won't deny it ; but you are not 
 quite so utterly too too as I expected, and I 
 am glad of it. If you had entirely answered 
 Charlie's description, London would have 
 been crowded with love-lorn maidens." 
 
 Rising, I stretched myself wearily ; this 
 subject was not an interesting one to me. 
 
 *' I don't care for women," I said, " I 
 know little or nothing of them." 
 
 "Ah, well, that won't be the case long," he 
 replied merrily. '^ Come, Perditus, confess ; 
 you have been the grand tour, and you 
 mean to say you have not seen a woman 
 that you admire ? " 
 
 '' I have not," T answered carelessly. 
 
 " What, never ? " he went on with mock 
 intensity. 
 
 " No, never ! " I answered with slight 
 impatience, and then of a sudden there 
 came into my mind the fair, gentle, melan- 
 choly face of the young girl with whom I
 
 Priend Perditus. 171 
 
 had journeyed to London. I had admired 
 her, there was no doubt of that, but my ad- 
 miration for her had been of quite another 
 description from that suggested by Erank 
 Nesbit. She had interested me intensely, 
 and I felt an almost yearning sense of 
 affinity with her, but I was conscious of no 
 other sentiment, and therefore I was vexed 
 with myself when I felt my heart begin to 
 palpitate and my face to flush under Nesbit's 
 laughing scrutiny. 
 
 "Oh, I see," he said with a renewed 
 chuckle ; " it's a case of ' hardly ever.' " At 
 the time I had not the faintest idea what 
 he meant by this ; but a few niglits later I 
 recognised his '' what, never?" and ''hardly 
 ever," as catch words in a popular comic 
 opera. " Well, Perditus, I am not your father 
 confessor, I am quite satisfied now, and 
 more sorry than ever for the English beau- 
 ties. Thirty thousand pounds, good looks, 
 and youth ; it's hard on them. By-the-bye," 
 he continued, with a quick change from 
 raillery to anxious interest, '' that brings us
 
 172 Priend Perditus. 
 
 back to our original topic of conversation. 
 After all, I will tell you, Perditus, what it 
 was I had in my mind about you." 
 
 "Aye, do," I answered eagerly; "I knew 
 there was something." 
 
 " Well then, I was disappointed to find 
 you were a fellow that thought so much of 
 money. Prom what Hall has written of you 
 I expected something altogether different, 
 and to tell you the honest truth I think 
 that a man who is so well provided as you 
 are, ought to leave that sordid interest in 
 life to others. You have enough to live 
 on happily yourself, and to make others 
 happy. Look at it as you will, Perditus, 
 money-making is not an elevating pur- 
 suit." 
 
 An uneasy sense that he was right began 
 to creep over me, but I dared not listen to 
 him ; the idea of a life empty of occupation 
 or filled only with the little fads which 
 suffice to interest a less restless disposition 
 was insupportable to me. 
 
 " Por heaven s sake, Nesbit," I cried.
 
 Friend Peuditus. 173 
 
 *' don't try to ar^ue with me on this matter. 
 You may be right, indeed I have a miser- 
 able conviction upon me that you are, but I 
 dare not follow your advice. I am not so 
 narrow and so sordid as you think, but 
 unless I can forget myself and my wretched 
 condition I shall go mad. I am not as 
 other men, remember that ; ordinary argu- 
 ments do not apply to my unhappy case. 
 Your mind is full of father and mother, 
 sisters and brothers, wife and children ; 
 with such loving thoughts sordid cares jar 
 and clash; but I am alone, and until this 
 new hope of money-making was instilled 
 into my mind two days ago, the burden of 
 my own personality was growing so heavy 
 that it threatened to crush me altogether. 
 If there was but one loving memory in my 
 empty heart, it would be difierent." 
 
 Erank Nesbit's kindly eyes grew almost 
 tender with the force of his sympathy, but 
 after a momentary silence he rose and 
 clapped me reassuringly on the back. 
 
 " I have done you an injustice," he said;
 
 174 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 '' don't punish me by appearing to recollect 
 it. Cheer up, Perditus, your life will be a 
 happy one yet. New interests and new 
 afiectioDs will find their way into that 
 empty heart of yours, take my word for it. 
 Meanwhile, old fellow, just one more word 
 of advice, and then I drop the subject for 
 ever. Don't do anything important with 
 Stanniwell until Charlie joins you, at any 
 rate. Pight shy of him." ""^ 
 
 " I must go to-morrow ; I have made an 
 appointment." I said, 
 
 '' Well, don't take any steps without con- 
 sidering the matter in ail its bearings, that's 
 all. Now I am afraid I must leave you. 
 What will you do with yourself ? " 
 
 " I don't know," I replied, as we strolled 
 together out of the restaurant. " Wander 
 about the streets, I think, for a few hours. 
 This bustling spirit of commerce has a tre- 
 mendous attraction for me. Then in the 
 evening I will go to one of the theatres." 
 
 *' Ah, yes, that's a good idea," assented 
 Nesbit. '' Which will you go to ? "
 
 Priend Perditus. 175 
 
 " I have no choice," I answered ; '' they 
 are all equally new to me. I will be guided 
 by the posters. Come, let us examine that 
 hoarding over there." 
 
 At once I made my selection. 
 
 In the centre of the hoarding was a 
 highly-coloured picture representing a most 
 sensational scene of murder. It was strange 
 that I should have selected this form of 
 entertainment, my inclination, as a rule, 
 being to avoid everything with a gloomy 
 tendency ; but the instant my eye fell upon 
 this picture and the name of the actres^fe 
 which was attached to it, I felt an absorb- 
 ing desire to witness the piece, nor did 
 all Prank Nesbit's laughing expostulations 
 move me one jot from my purpose. 
 
 *'But, my dear fellow," he cried, " * The 
 Hand of Death ' — a lively title, I am ready 
 to admit— is at the ' Standard,' anything 
 but a fashionable resort, right away at the 
 East End, an awful place to find. You'll 
 get lost to a certainty." 
 
 '' Nonsense ! " I replied stoutly. " I can
 
 176 Priend Perditus. 
 
 take a cab when it's all over. Besides, I 
 should like to get a glimpse of the East 
 End. I have much more sympathy with 
 the working man, I can tell you, than I 
 have with the fashionable loungers I should 
 come in contact with at one of the West 
 End houses. I mean to be a worker mv- 
 self, and ' honest labour wears a lovely 
 face,' to quote one of dear old Charlie's 
 favourite poems." 
 
 Erank Nesbit smiled good-humouredly. 
 
 '' Don't let your enthusiasm mislead you, 
 old fellow," he said kindly. " Take my 
 word for it, Perditus, fustian and dirty faces 
 are not always symbolical of labour. How- 
 ever, I won't attempt to lead your steps in 
 another direction ; the ' Standard ' is about 
 the finest theatre in London from a struc- 
 tural point of view, and they often get 
 good actors there, though for the ' world- 
 renowned actress, Miss Cronin,' I cannot 
 vouch." 
 
 " Have you ever heard of her before ? " 
 I asked eagerly.
 
 Priend Perditus. 177 
 
 *' Yes, I seem to have a dim recollection 
 of her, but it must be many years ago since 
 I saw her. I believe she was the rage for 
 one or two seasons some fifteen or twenty 
 years since, but that was before my theatre- 
 going time." 
 
 Here he pulled out his watch, and, with 
 a hasty exclamation of dismay, hailed a 
 hansom, and calling out to me to come 
 round to his chambers after the theatre, 
 and that he should sit up for me, was 
 driven rapidly off in a western direction. 
 
 VOL. I. N
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 PtESTLESSLY I paced the streets after Nesbit 
 left me, looking at my watcli every quarter 
 of an hour, and on each occasion wondering 
 at the slow progress of time. 
 
 Is it possible that old father Time never 
 plays us tricks ? I must confess it is a 
 matter of speculation with me as to whether 
 the popular belief in his reliable consistency 
 is entirely deserved. I am quite aware that 
 to express any positive doubts of this inexor- 
 able potentate would bring one's reasoning 
 qualities under the gravest suspicion, so I 
 will not do so. I am content to ask of any 
 man or woman in this world, whether it is 
 credible that the thirty seconds during 
 which you endure the misery of the pho-
 
 Priend Perditus. 179 
 
 tograpber's lens, or the two minutes of posi- 
 tive agony wiiich the pitch darkness of a 
 railway tunnel inflicts on many, myself 
 among the number, can really be of no 
 longer duration than the same period spent, 
 we will say, in bidding farewell to the object 
 of one's tenderest affections. 
 
 Be this as it may, one fact is quite certain, 
 — and that is that that particular afternoon 
 was the most tedious I ever experienced. 
 
 I could not exactly explain the meaning 
 of my restlessness even to myself, at least 
 when I say I could not I mean I would not. 
 I would not allow myself to dwell upon the 
 real cause of my intense longing for the 
 evening to arrive, and I kept my ears shut 
 resolutely against a little voice that seemed 
 to w^hisper into them. But now I know 
 that my absorbing anxiety arose from the 
 fact that the name of Miss Croniu had 
 stirred some sort of fibre within me which I 
 could not account for. 
 
 I tried my utmost to occupy my thoughts 
 ill other directions, but I could not. This 
 
 N 2
 
 180 Priend Perditus. 
 
 one persistent name seemed to ring through 
 my hrain in regular cadences, and to deaden 
 the sound of the traffic and multitudinous 
 noises by which I was surrounded. At 
 length my head positively began to ache 
 with the effort of trying not to think and 
 recollect. 
 
 I arrived at the Standard Theatre ten 
 minutes before the doors were opened, and 
 occupied myself in earnestly scrutinising a 
 variety of portraits of Miss Cronin in all 
 sorts of costumes, private and theatrical, 
 which were displayed in the approaches to 
 the box office ; but although I studied every 
 feature with the utmost attention, my in- 
 vestigations brought me no satisfaction, the 
 face was absolutely unfamiliar to me ; and 
 as I recognised this fact a cruel sense of 
 disappointment and depression came over 
 me. 
 
 With a sigh I turned away, and thoroughly 
 out of heart I was preparing to leave the 
 building, when the great door, which ad- 
 mitted to the stalls and better-priced parts
 
 Friend Perditus. 181 
 
 of the house, suddenly opened with a noisy 
 clang, and I was pushed over the threshold 
 by about a score of young men and women, 
 who appeared determined not to loose one 
 minute of their money's worth. 
 
 "After all," I thought gloomily, " I may 
 as well go in— I have nothing better to do. 
 Ah, dear me, I wish next week were here, 
 and Charlie in London." 
 
 The sight of the great house, however, 
 with it's enormous crowded pit and galleries, 
 cheered my spirits somewhat. Good humour 
 and merriment reigned on every side, and 
 these sentiments having an infectious quality, 
 soon, despite myself, T became much amused 
 and interested by my immediate neighbours, 
 who were evidently shopmen and women 
 of the poorer sort — youths and maidens, 
 with pale careworn faces — but who this 
 eveninsr were radiant with smiles and bent 
 upon enjoyment. 
 
 My heart grew quite tender as I witnessed 
 the inter se anticipation of pleasure which 
 pervaded the entire persons of these young
 
 182 Priend Perditus. 
 
 people, flashing the wan cheeks of the girls 
 and brightening the eyes of the lads. At 
 last my sym,pathy betrayed me into an act 
 of unconventionality which nearly brought 
 me into trouble. 
 
 Just before the rising of the curtain an 
 attendant from the refreshment bar came 
 pushing his way noisily along the seats, 
 soliciting orders for various kinds of drinks, 
 and carrying a tray in his hand on which 
 were displayed a number of small brightly 
 coloured bonbon boxes. 
 
 Oh, the appreciative longing glances that 
 the girls cast at these little boxes, and how 
 bravely they denied themselves the pleasure 
 of possessing them for fear of levying too 
 severe a tax on their sweethearts' scanty 
 purses. 
 
 Por some little time I watched one after 
 another refusing what they evidently desired 
 so strongly, and then I saw a flashily- 
 dressed youth, apparently better off than 
 his neighbours if one might judge by out- 
 ward appearances, buy a box of sweet-
 
 Priend Perdittjs. 183 
 
 meats and bestow it upon the girl by his 
 side. 
 
 Without a moment's consideration I rose 
 to my feet, and beckoning to the man 
 purchased the remainder of his trayful, 
 ten boxes in all ; so long as one was no 
 better off than the others I could stand it, 
 and could admire the cheerful spirit which 
 so willingly gave up a pleasure for the 
 sake of another, but I could not witness 
 the fortunate girls' proud superior glance 
 around, nor the wistful mortification of the 
 others, and preserve my composure. ATter 
 all it was such a pitiful sum that was 
 needed to make them completely happy. 
 
 Throwing the money on to the tray I 
 clutched the boxes, and then, with a 
 murmured apology, I quickly distributed 
 them to the ten girls nearest me, and sat 
 down again. 
 
 At once I perceived my mistake ; a hub- 
 bub of angry male voices arose around me, 
 and to my intense discomfiture my obnoxious 
 gifts came showering back into my lap.
 
 184 Friend Perditus. 
 
 In sympathy with their irate wooers, 
 even the girls looked indignant, while a 
 chorus of jeering laughter from the galleries 
 above, whose occupants could see plainly 
 all that had occurred, disconcerted me 
 still further. 
 
 For a minute or so I sat motionless, 
 listening to the uncomplimentary epithets 
 that were being heaped upon me. I could 
 not find it in my heart to be angry with 
 them. After all, though I meant well, 
 my action had been very ill-judged ; looked 
 at from their point of view, I had been, to 
 quote one of the malcontents, '' deucedly 
 impertinent," and furthermore I could not 
 restrain a feeling of respect for these poor 
 weakly youths whose pride rose so hotly at 
 anything they thought savoured of patronage 
 or charity. 
 
 " Gentlemen," I cried at last, starting 
 to my feet again and hugging the wretched 
 boxes to me in a very undignified manner. 
 " I am awfully sorry to have vexed you, 
 really, I did not intend any rudeness.''
 
 Priend Perditus. 185 
 
 " Then whatever did you do it for ? " 
 " Why," I said, desperately racking my 
 brain for some tolerably plausible sounding 
 reason, " I thought the waiter looked cut 
 up at selling no more of his wares. So 
 I bought them on an impulse, having more 
 money than brains, you will think. Well, 
 when I had got them I didn't know" what 
 to do with them, and I don't now. I really 
 should take it as a favour if you would 
 allow the young ladies to accept them." 
 
 There was a muttered consultation 
 
 « 
 
 between two or three of the men, and then 
 one immediately behind me said sulkily — 
 
 " Well, sir, since you've apologised we 
 don't want to show no malice, so vou can 
 hand the boxes over, if you like." 
 
 Thankful I was to get rid of them, but 
 I was not pleased that the re-distribution of 
 the little packets should be made the signal 
 for a burst of ironical applause from the 
 gallery boys ; it was some consolation to me, 
 however, to observe, very cautiously and 
 furtively out of the corners of my eyes, how
 
 186 Friend Peuditus. 
 
 eagerly the girls seized upon their recovered 
 treasures, and with what keen appreciation 
 they tore them open and settled down at 
 once to the joy of nihbling their contents. 
 
 The ironical cheers from the gallery were 
 still ringing unpleasantly in nay ears, when, 
 with the completion of the overture, to 
 which I paid no attention, there came a 
 sudden cry of '' Order ! " There was a 
 general settling down and removal of hats, 
 and then the curtain rose on the first scene 
 of "The Hand of Death." 
 
 At the commencement the roughness and 
 coarseness of the acting, and the meanness 
 of the stage appointments, rather disgusted 
 me. My experience of theatres at this 
 time had been confined to the " Theatre 
 Franqais," the "Vaudeville," and the 
 " Gymnase " in Paris, and the difference 
 between the cultured elegance of one class 
 of entertainment and the noise and bluster 
 of the other was very conspicuous, but with 
 the entry of Miss Cronin my sentiments 
 entirely altered.
 
 Eriend Perditus. 187 
 
 This lady may not be a refined or possibly 
 artistic actress from an educated point of 
 view, but she is strong and vigorous and 
 intensely human. On thinking the matter 
 over afterwards, I came to the conclusion 
 that the play was a very poor one judged 
 critically, full of absurdities and clap-trap 
 morality ; but from the moment Miss 
 Cronin stepped upon the stage there was 
 not a more absorbed and sympathetic spec- 
 tator than mvself in the whole of the 
 crowded house. Immediately I forgot the 
 renewed sensation of disappointment which 
 had come across me when the first glimpse 
 at her sensitive though rather plain face 
 convinced me that she was indeed an utter 
 stranger to me. I forgot my surround- 
 ings ; I forgot everything but the trials 
 and dangers of this most natural and un- 
 sta gey heroine. 
 
 Nor was my condition of enthusiastic 
 interest at all a singular one, for if by 
 any chance my eye wandered from the stage 
 and the central figure on it, I saw that the
 
 188 Priend Perditus. 
 
 men and women round me were in a similar 
 state of breathless excitement ; and I doubt 
 if any one diflPerently situated can form an 
 adequate notion of the positive delight it 
 was to me to recognise the fact that for the 
 first time in my life, so far as I knew, my 
 feelings were in perfect sympathy with 
 those around me. 
 
 My heart swelled in my bosom ; I was not 
 lonely now ; inwardly I seemed to claim a re- 
 lationship with the youths and girls who sur- 
 rounded me ; they were no longer plebeian in 
 my eyes, they were my brothers and sisters ; 
 I enjoyed as they enjoyed, neither more nor 
 less ; I trembled and caught my breath as 
 they trembled when some disaster threatened 
 the woman upon whose words we all hung, 
 and I cheered as they cheered when virtue 
 gained a temporary advantage over vice. 
 
 I am quite aware that in describing my 
 sensations on this occasion I run the risk 
 of seeming ungrateful to my best friend, 
 Charlie Hall, but so long as he does not 
 mistake me 1 am satisfied. He knows as
 
 Eriend Perditus. 189 
 
 well as I do that if he had been at the 
 " Standard Theatre " that evening he would 
 not have been heart and soul with me and 
 my poor young brothers and sisters. I 
 would not for the world do him so much 
 injustice as to associate even the smallest 
 amount of blaseness with his educated 
 power of enjoying whatever is highest and 
 noblest in art, but he is far more cultured 
 and far more critical than I am even now, 
 and six years ago the diflPerence between us 
 was even more strongly marked. 
 
 If he had been by my side that evening 
 I frankly confess my enjoyment would have 
 been considerably curtailed. He would have 
 seen the weak points of the play at once ; 
 he could not have failed to do so, and he 
 would probably have pointed them out to 
 me in a good-natured spirit of kindly ban- 
 ter, and if he had refrained from doing this, 
 I know he would have sat and watched me 
 with a most benevolent smile of amusement 
 at my finding any pleasure in what appeared 
 to him such flagrant absurdities.
 
 190 Friend Pehditus. 
 
 One thing is quite certain, if he liad been 
 there what follows would never have hap- 
 pened, for under the restraining influence of 
 his presence, and only partially -concealed 
 contempt for the whole thing, I could never 
 have lost myself as I did. 
 
 From act to act the absorbing interest of 
 the play grew stronger and stronger until, 
 at the end of the fourth act, the position of 
 the heroine became one of desperate and 
 blood-curdling danger. 
 
 The stage is dark and mysterious. On a 
 sofa in the centre lies the heroine in an ex- 
 hausted slumber, worn out by watching and 
 weeping. Presently the large windows at 
 the back are seen to shake, and then a 
 shadowy form enters and creeps — creeps — 
 creeps— slowly towards the unconscious 
 woman. As the figure approaches the head 
 of the sofa it comes within the circle of 
 light cast by a lamp which stands on a table 
 •near. Then a shudder runs through the 
 crowded theatre, for we recognise in the 
 ghastly shape a mysterious and awful one-
 
 Friend Perditus. 191 
 
 handed Hindoo mute, whose life is forfeited 
 to some horrible religious institution unless 
 he offers up a victim on a particular date 
 each year. 
 
 Stealthily the creature raises the " Hand 
 of death," with the pointed, glistening 
 dagger in it, over the slumbering form. And 
 then it hesitates a moment, and in the 
 breathless silence that ensues I distinctly 
 hear a young girl near me murmur to 
 herself — 
 
 " Oh, oh, oh ! Wake, wake ! he will kill 
 you ! Oh, if she'd only wake ! " 
 
 But she does not wake, and, after a furtive 
 look around, the Hindoo steals to the back 
 of the sofa, and lifting his wicked face tries 
 in vain to articulate, giving vent to the most 
 horrible and unearthly sounds. Then he 
 elevates his murderous hand once more, and 
 this time it comes down— comes down 
 swiftly and surely upon the unprotected 
 breast of the woman before him. There is a 
 muffled shriek, and a confused struggle ; 
 and during the descent of the act drop
 
 192 Priend Perditus. 
 
 we see dimly a white heap lying upon the 
 floor, and in the moonlight at the back the 
 figure of the Hindoo, with the '' Hand of 
 death " clutching the dagger, still raised 
 triumphantly on high. 
 
 A groan went up from the very heart of 
 the attentive throng, and at the sound a 
 wild almost frenzied condition of excitement 
 seemed to seize upon me. Again the curtain 
 that shadowed my past had been raised for 
 one brief moment, and my brain began to 
 work and seeth in the most bewildering 
 fashion, as it had done once before over the 
 mathematical problem in Winchester. 
 
 That groan wrung from the sympathetic 
 audience awoke an echo within me. Per- 
 fectly beside myself, I sprang to my feet. 
 
 '' She is not dead ! she is not dead ! " I 
 cried ; " the dagger has only scratched her, 
 and was not poisoned. Her lover stole the 
 poisoned one from the Hindoo, and put his 
 own in its stead. Wipe your eyes, wipe 
 your eyes, girls ! I tell you it will all come 
 right. I have seen the play before — I recol-
 
 PuiEND Perditus. 193 
 
 iect it distinctly now. Oh, thank God for it, 
 — I remember — I remember ! " 
 
 Then, snatching up my hat, I pushed my 
 way through the crowd of angry men and 
 women, lieedless of the indignant protests 
 for having spoiled the remainder of the play, 
 which rose from every side. I was not 
 thinking of them now, my one purpose in 
 life was to gain admittance to Miss Cronin, 
 and learn when and where she had played 
 the piece before. 
 
 On the play bill it was stated that the 
 play was an original one, and produced *in 
 England for the first time that evening ; but 
 I knew that I had seen it before, and also 
 that a lady calling herself Miss Cronin had 
 enacted the heroine on the previous occasion. 
 I could not recollect, however, that the two 
 ladies bore any resembkxnce to each other, 
 but I was aware how very different actresses 
 look under altered circumstances. 
 
 Running through the passages, the sound 
 of the disorderly tumult which my most 
 unexpected and irritating explanations had 
 
 VOL. I. o
 
 194 Emend Perditus. 
 
 occasioned still ringing in my ears, in a 
 minute I reached the entrance hall. As I 
 entered, my cheeks no doubt flushed, and 
 my eyes glittering with excitement, a 
 gentleman emerged from the little box 
 office and locked the door after him. His 
 eyes fell upon me, and I saw a look of 
 quick suspicion come into his face, as the 
 muffled noise of a disorderly distant crowd 
 struck upon his ears. 
 
 Laying his hand tightly upon my arm, 
 he pulled me unceremoniously to the foot 
 of the stairs. 
 
 '^Here, you just wait a minute, if you 
 please," he said sternly, '^till I hear what 
 this row's about. The piece was going as 
 smoothly as possible five minutes ago." 
 
 " It's my fault," I cried, " it's my fault, 
 they are angry with me, but I meant no 
 harm. I spoke on an impulse." 
 
 Here, in answer to a shout from my 
 companion, one of the theatre attendants 
 was seen hurrying down the stairs, a broad 
 grin on his shining hot face. Evidently
 
 Priend Peuditus. 195 
 
 re-assured by tlie man's appearance, the 
 gentleman loosened his hold of my arm. 
 
 "Why, Jones," he said, "what's the 
 meaning of this disturbance ? " 
 
 ^^Oh, nothing to hurt," Jones replied 
 with a laugh. " A gent in the stalls, who 
 had had a drop to drink, I should say, has 
 been putting the people out of temper all 
 the evening." 
 
 " How ? " 
 
 " Why, first he goes and buys sweets 
 and gives it to the fellows' girls, and then 
 he jumps up and makes a speech, and lets 
 the cat out of the bag about the poisoned 
 dagger that brings the curtain down on the 
 big sensation scene. The lads are simply 
 furious; it's a good thing for that there 
 swxll that lie was a strong heavily-built 
 chap, or else he'd have been roughly 
 handled." 
 
 At this moment the man's eyes en- 
 countered mine ; with a look of almost 
 comic bewilderment he stared at me. 
 
 "Why, sir, it w^as you," he exclaimed. 
 o2
 
 196 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " Whatever in the world made you do it ? 
 You don't look as if you'd been on the 
 spree." 
 
 "Nor have I," I said earnestly. '^ I 
 can't attempt to explain what I did, but 
 I am sorry to have been the cause of any 
 disturbance. Can I make any possible 
 compensation?" 
 
 '' No, no ; none at all," hastily inter- 
 rupted the gentleman, who I afterwards 
 found was the treasurer of the theatre ; 
 " there's no harm done after all. I'll go 
 up and quiet them in a minute." 
 
 '' But, sir," I cried, as he ran rapidly up 
 the stairs 
 
 Waving me off, he continued — 
 
 "I am sorry, my dear sir, I have not a 
 minute to spare. I have a train to catch ; 
 good evening." 
 
 And with that he disappeared. 
 
 Turning to Jones, who still stood 
 regarding me with an air of great 
 curiosity, I put a sovereign into his 
 hand.
 
 PuiEND Perdittjs. 197 
 
 ''Mr. Jones," I said persuasively, "will 
 you do me a favour ? " 
 
 He looked from, the coin to my eager 
 face, and then back again to the piece of 
 gold. Apparently the aspect of that, at 
 any rate, was agreeable to him, for the 
 startled expression which his unexpected 
 recognition of me had called into existence, 
 faded out of his countenance, and he re- 
 plied pleasantly enough, after pocketing the 
 monev, 
 
 " I'll do anything I can for you, sir." 
 
 ''Well, then," I said, forcing myself to 
 speak calmly, lest I should again arouse 
 his distrust. " I want to see Miss Cronin 
 for five minutes ? How can I manage 
 it?" 
 
 The man shook his head. 
 
 " I am sorry, sir, but I can't help you to 
 that; no one's allowed behind the scenes. 
 Unless, indeed, you are a friend of Miss 
 Gronin's, then I dare say they would let you 
 through." 
 
 " I am not a friend of hers," I replied.
 
 198 Pkiend Perditus. 
 
 " but I absolutely must see her for a 
 minute or two." 
 
 In my painful anxiety I took from my 
 pocket book a five pound note, and showed 
 it to the astonished man. 
 
 " I only want to ask the lady a question," 
 I continued imploringly ; " but it is a ques- 
 tion of vital importance to me. Go to her, 
 tell her this : say I will w^ait upon her 
 thankfully any time she may appoint, and 
 whether she grants my request or not this 
 bank note shall be yours." 
 
 But Jones was evidently a good hearted, 
 not over-grasping man; motioning me to 
 put away my money, he beckoned to me to 
 follow him. 
 
 '^ I'll do my best for you, sir, but you've 
 paid me quite enough already. Come along 
 quick, we may catch Miss Cronin's husband 
 at the stage door. The piece is nearly over, 
 the last act only plays ten minutes." 
 
 Without another word I hastened after 
 him, my blood boiling in my veins, and my 
 spirits unreasonably elated. I had no fear
 
 Priend Pehditus. 199 
 
 of being denied access to Miss Cronin's pre- 
 sence, and when I had learnt from her where 
 it was that I previously witnessed the play, I 
 had no doubt but that a host of lons^-fors^otten 
 memories would crowd upon me, and that 
 the thick dense veil which hung over my past 
 would be rent, letting in upon the darkness 
 of my soul a flood of glorious light. 
 
 At the stage door we encountered a tall, 
 dark, middle-aged man, with a handsome 
 bearded face, and very stooping shoulders ; 
 this, Jones whispered to me, was Mr. Yin- 
 cent, husband of the lady I sought, who still 
 used her maiden name for professional pur- 
 poses. 
 
 At once I accosted Mr. Vincent. He 
 listened politely to my request, though I 
 could see that my eager and excited manner 
 very much astonished him. When I had 
 finished he looked deprecatingly at me. 
 
 '' I am sorry," he said, '' I don't wish to 
 be disobliging, but my wife makes a rule of 
 not seeing strangers. I assure you such a 
 rule is necessary in her profession."
 
 200 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " I have no doubt of it," I replied quickly, 
 " but if she would make an exception in my 
 favour I should be eternally grateful to her. 
 I only want to ask her a simple question, it 
 will cost her nothing, absolutely nothing to 
 answer it, and by doing so she may change 
 the entire complexion of a very unfortunate 
 and unhappy existence." 
 
 My increased earnestness evidently im- 
 pressed him, but still he hesitated. 
 
 '•' If it is only a question, cannot I answer 
 you as well as my wife ? " 
 
 At once I recognised the reason of this. 
 
 " I never thought of that," I cried, " no 
 doubt you can." 
 
 And then laying my hand on his arm in 
 my impatient eagerness, I asked him the 
 question upon which I felt my very fate 
 depended. My heart sank as a look of 
 vexation crossed his attentive face. He con- 
 sidered a moment, and then he said hastily — 
 
 " After all you must see my wife, I can't 
 answer you ; we have only been married 
 two years, and during tliat time she has not
 
 Priend Perditus. 201 
 
 played this piece ; what she did before that 
 I don't know. PoUow me and w^alk softly, 
 the curtain is not down yet, and the sound 
 of footsteps behind the scenes worry my 
 wife." 
 
 Picking my way as carefully as I could 
 among a confusion of spare canvas scenes, 
 furniture, and indiarubber gas tubing ; with 
 an occasional stumble at length I reached 
 the door of a good-sized dressing-room, which 
 was evidently close to the stage, as, although 
 tlie scene prevented my seeing the actors, I 
 could hear their voices distinctly. 
 
 " My wife will be here in a minute," 
 w^hispered Mr. Vincent, who had glided 
 before me with the noiseless movements 
 of a ghost. " We had better not talk now, 
 her hearing is most remarkably acute, and 
 being unusually enthusiastic she is easily 
 upset." 
 
 Heaven knows I had no desire for 
 conversation, but even in my condition of 
 deep preoccupation, and fierce feverish 
 expectation, the thought flitted across my
 
 202 Pmend Perditus. 
 
 excited brain, — Would the end of another 
 two years of married life see Mr. Vincent 
 quite so much the willing slave to " my 
 wife's " fancies ? At the present moment 
 he seemed to have sunk his individuality 
 entirely in hers. 
 
 Pive minutes I waited, and then I heard 
 a rustling ominous sound, which Mr. 
 Vincent explained was the curtain des- 
 cending. A heavy thud upon the stage 
 followed, and a very faint clapping of 
 hands from the distant audience. Mr. 
 Vincent's pale race flushed with annoy- 
 ance. 
 
 " No call," he said, turning his dismayed 
 face to me with an evident appeal for 
 sympathy. 
 
 I had not the remotest idea what he meant. 
 
 ''No call?" I repeated. 
 
 '' No call before the curtain/' he replied 
 testily. " The piece has fallen flat after 
 all, and my wife will feel it deeply. She 
 is not used to failure ; I know it will 
 depress her."
 
 Priend Perditus. 203 
 
 He hurried out of the roonij hut the next 
 minute proved to me that his fears on her 
 account had been quite fallacious. I heard 
 a pleasant laugh, and Miss Cronin's 
 voice. 
 
 " Why, George," she cried, " what's the 
 matter ? Yoa look the picture of woe." 
 
 (( There was no call," he faltered. 
 
 " Well, what of it ? " she replied cheerily. 
 " The piece went splendidly up to the end 
 of the fourth act ; and we've always known 
 the last is rubbish. Besides that, the jovial 
 gentleman in the stalls put the people out 
 of temper. By-the-bye, did you see him ? 
 He didn't look at all ' on ' I must admit. 
 I peeped through the hole in the curtain 
 when I heard him speaking. I never saw 
 
 a more Why, George, ivhat is the 
 
 matter with you ? " 
 
 I could not distinguish his reply, but I 
 heard a little smothered exclamation from 
 her lips of 
 
 '' Good gracious, why didn't you say so 
 before ? Who is it ? "
 
 204 Priend Perditus. 
 
 '' I don't know ; someone who has been 
 in front, I suppose." 
 
 A quick step or tw^o, and then the half- 
 closed door was thrown open and Miss 
 Cronin entered, followed by her devoted 
 liusband. At once a comic look of bewilder- 
 ment came into her clever kindly face. 
 
 " I know," I cried, '' I conld not help 
 hearing what you said just now. I am 
 very sorry, madam, I apologise to you from 
 my heart. But I could not help myself; 
 the force of my feelings carried me away." 
 
 " Oh, don't distress yourself," she said, 
 looking at me with a very sweet womanly 
 smile. ''To tell you the truth, little 
 incidents of this kind vary wdiat is, after 
 all, ratlier a monotonous life. I am really 
 proud to have excited you so much. I 
 w^as alvravs sure there w^as real heart in 
 this play, poor though it is from a literary 
 point of view, and you have strengthened 
 that conviction." 
 
 I could see she continued speaking with 
 the good-nafcured desire of relieving mv
 
 Priend Perditus. 205 
 
 evident embarrassment, but seeing that I 
 still continued silent, for indeed, now that 
 it had come to the point, I felt a strange 
 difficulty in approaching the subject — she 
 seated herself on a large wicker dress 
 basket, and motioning me to take a chair 
 said — 
 
 " And this question, what is it, sir ? " 
 
 Her genial kindness restored my con- 
 fidence, and without any further hesitation 
 I told her what I wanted to know, con- 
 cealing from her of course the real cause 
 of my anxiety, wliich, however, I statecl 
 was very important. 
 
 Por half an hour we talked, and then, 
 utterly dejected and cast down, I rose to 
 take my leave. 
 
 Miss Cronin had only made my miserable 
 mental confusion more complete. 
 
 Ever since my momentary flash of re- 
 membrance at Winchester, I had clung to 
 the idea that my youth had been passed in 
 India. It is true I had oniv the slisrhtest 
 possible foundation for such a belief, but
 
 206 PuiEND Peeditus. 
 
 seeing that I took some faint comfort from 
 this notion — for in ray peculiar and un- 
 happy circumstances to feel that I had 
 the smallest claim on any country seemed 
 to make me one degree less forlorn — 
 Charlie Hall had encouraged me in it. 
 Now, therefore, to hear from Miss Cronin 
 that she had played this piece in Australia, 
 New Zealand, America, and even in Africa, 
 but not in any part of India, was a terrible 
 blow to me. 
 
 " I am very sorry," she said, in tones of 
 such genuine womanly sympathy that the 
 hot tears rushed to my feverish eyes ; "I 
 am very very sorry not to have been of 
 assistance to you. Of course I don't know 
 your trouble, nor do I wish to ; believe 
 me, I am not curious ; but it grieves me 
 always to see young people sorrowful ; my 
 youth was such a very happy one." 
 
 I shook her outstretched hand, but I could 
 not speak. 
 
 ''And you are quite sure that it was this 
 piece you saw on the previous occasion ? "
 
 PuiEND Perditus. 207 
 
 she asked, holding my hand for a moment. 
 *' You say that your knowledge of plays is 
 limited ; mine, on the other hand, is most 
 extensive, and I can tell you that there is 
 a very remarkable family likeness in sen- 
 sational melodramas of this class." 
 
 " Ah, there may be," I said mournfully ; 
 ^^ but I am quite certain about this ; I re- 
 member the one-handed Indian mute dis- 
 tinctly." 
 
 " That is curious," she murmured, '' for 
 I really do believe the one-handed Indian 
 mute is unique. And this play, then, is 
 exactly the same as the one you fancy you 
 saw in India ? " 
 
 " Yes, the play is identical, and the name 
 of the lady who took the heroine's part 
 was Miss Cronin, therefore it must have 
 been you, I suppose ? " 
 
 '^ Certainly it must. I am the only 
 actress of that name; besides the play is 
 my property, no one else can perform it. 
 But I suppose you recognise me, as you 
 remember the rest so well."
 
 208 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 *' No," I said, " and that puzzled me a 
 good deal at first, until I remembered the 
 power actresses possess of changing tlieir 
 appearance. You seem to me to have 
 altered entirely since I saw you play 
 before." 
 
 Her strongly marked black brows raised 
 themselves in surprise. 
 
 '' That is very strange ! " she exclaimed ; 
 '* the piece has only been in existence for 
 five years. At my age five years makes 
 very little difi'erence, especially on the 
 stage.'' 
 
 '' But your hair is completely different," 
 I said. 
 
 She looked at mo with an expression of 
 the greatest perplexity. 
 
 '^ I can't understand it," she murmured, 
 " my hair is exactly the same as it was 
 twenty years ago." 
 
 ^' Then you must have worn a wig," I 
 persisted. 
 
 *' No," she replied, with some slight show 
 of natural irritation, her own glossy auburn
 
 PuiEND Pekditus. 209 
 
 hair being in truth very beautiful. "I 
 never wear wigs ; I detest them." 
 
 " Well, I only know," I continued hope- 
 lessly, "that the Miss Cronin who played 
 when I saw this piece before, had flaxen 
 hair, and very light eyebrows too. I no- 
 ticed this particularly, because all the other 
 ladies looked so very black beside her." 
 
 With an excited exclamation, Miss Cronin 
 clapped her hands together. 
 
 "'Why didn't you tell me that long 
 a2:o?" she cried: ''now I can unravel the 
 mystery. I thought I understood from you 
 that you had not been to Africa, but that 
 was a mistake, of course. 
 
 " Africa ! " I stammered. 
 
 " Yes, Africa. I was ill for two nights 
 two years ago, during an engagement in 
 Cape Town, and ray under-study had to 
 play the part. She was a very fair girl, and 
 a very good actress, too." 
 
 " Cape Town ? " I repeated blankly. 
 
 " Yes, Cape Town. I am quite certain 
 of itj" she continued; " I can even tell you 
 
 VOL. I. p
 
 210 Priend Perditus. 
 
 the exact dates — the 30th and 31st of De- 
 cember, 1879. I never disappointed tlie 
 public before or since, and I remember 
 being superstitiously afraid of beginning 
 the new year badly ; however, I was able 
 to resume my parfc on January 1st, 1880, 
 and as I was only out of the bill two 
 nights no alteration was made in the pro- 
 grammes." 
 
 And this was all the satisfaction I gained 
 from my interview with Miss Cronin. 
 
 I did not explain the cause of my acces- 
 sion of depression to Prank Nesbit when I 
 returned to his chambers, but I declined 
 the proffered cigar, and, saying that I was 
 tired out, betook myself to my hotel. I 
 could not sleep, however, and when I rose 
 the next morning and started to walk to 
 Mr. Stanniwell's I felt so utterly miserable 
 that I muttered to myself — 
 
 " I wish to goodness Nesbit had not 
 instilled his cautious advice into my mind 
 yesterday. I must change the current of
 
 Eriend Perditus. 211 
 
 nay tli oughts somehow, and just now I can 
 think of no other way than this." 
 
 Entering Mr, Stanniwell's office in this 
 frame of mind, it need surprise no one 
 that his arguments speedily overcame my 
 scruples. I wished to he convinced hy him, 
 and therefore it was no difficult matter to 
 persuade me to let him purchase a few 
 shares for me in a new company that, 
 according to his ideas, was hound to be a 
 success. 
 
 1 concealed this transaction from Praiak 
 Neshit, who evidently took it for granted 
 I had followed his advice, and hy the time 
 Charlie Hall returned, having, after rather 
 an unexpected delay, effected the sale of 
 the rest of my diamonds, for the very 
 considerable sum of thirty-eight thousand 
 pounds, there was not a more absorhed or 
 reckless speculator than I in the whole of 
 England. 
 
 p2
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 The following three years of my life I 
 cannot think of without a bitter pang of 
 self-reproach and pain, and I will hurry 
 over the record of them, knowing full 
 well that if the remembrance of that period 
 fills me wdth shame, I cannot expect from 
 others even as much indulgence as I extend 
 towards myself. 
 
 The fever of money-making held me in 
 its iron grasp. Prom morning till night I 
 thought of nothing else ; and so astound- 
 in gly lucky was I in all my transactions, 
 that soon I became quite a celebrated man 
 among speculators and floaters of com- 
 panies. My name attached to any new 
 scheme assured the shares a readv sale.
 
 Priend Pehditus. 213 
 
 and before the end of the three years my 
 thirty thousand pounds had become more 
 than two hundred thousand. 
 
 My wealth made no difference in my 
 manner of living, however ; I had no ex- 
 pensive tastes ; my share in Charlie Hall's 
 house in Wilton Crescent, Knightsbridge, 
 quite satisfied me ; and the money that I 
 was not using in fresh speculations I de- 
 posited in the bank and never thought of 
 again. 
 
 fortunately for me, my good genius, niy 
 dear, staunch friend, was true to me 
 throughout this dark degrading epoch of 
 my existence, and it is a slight, a very 
 slisrht, consolation to me to remember that 
 through Charlie Hall, my money was of 
 some little benefit to others. 
 
 I gave really large sums away in charity; 
 but my cheeks would burn with honest 
 shame wiien my munificence was made the 
 subject of remark. I knew so well, that 
 but for Charlie such and such an institution 
 mio^ht have closed its doors for want of funds,
 
 21Jd Priend Peeditus. 
 
 and the sick and needy have been sent sor- 
 rowful away. In the midst of the fierce fever 
 that was consuming me, I had no time to 
 think of the poor and their wants, and the 
 hlessings I received from those I had un- 
 wdttingly benefited weighed upon my spirits 
 with so terrible a sense of mortification and 
 unworthiness, that at length, roused out of 
 myself, I cried despairingly — 
 
 " Oh, Charlie, Charlie, for God's sake 
 don't tell me wdiat they say. You know 
 I do not deserve their praise ; don't humble 
 me to the dust, if you still retain one spark 
 of love for me. Eut for you these children 
 might have ended their days in the midst of 
 squalor and vice. I am a money-making 
 machine ; I have no heart, no pity, no 
 sympathy ; the cries of the widow and the 
 orphan, the hungry and the homeless, would 
 never touch me but for you. Oh, my friend, 
 I am frightened of myself ; I am the slave 
 of a demon whose dominion over me is abso- 
 lute. Charlie, for heaven's sake don't let 
 me wear out your marvellous patience.
 
 PuiEND Pehditus. 215 
 
 Help me to do some little good with this 
 horrible money, which I crave for, but 
 which lies so heavily on my soul that it 
 threatens to crush me altogether." 
 
 Charlie Hall stretched out his hand and 
 grasped mine kindly. 
 
 "Don't judge yourself so harshly, Eriend," 
 he said soothingly. " There is a nightmare 
 upon you, dear old boy ; one morning you 
 will wake and find it gone." 
 
 Eut weeks, months, years passed by, and 
 the fever increased instead of diminished. 
 
 During our first year in Wilton Crescent, 
 while Charlie's time was still very sparsely 
 occupied, we went out a good deal into 
 society ; but balls and musical at-liomes 
 afforded me no pleasure at all, and I soon 
 found my absorbing business cares interfere 
 with what was at first a genuine delight 
 to me — theatrical entertainments of all 
 kinds. 
 
 As time went on, however, Charlie's great 
 talents and enthusiastic devotion to his pro- 
 fession, met with richly-deserved apprecia-
 
 216 PuiEND Pehditus. 
 
 tion. His leisure for social enjoyments 
 diminished as his fortune grew, and I 
 made this an excuse for absenting myself 
 from scenes which had never possessed any 
 attractions for me, though, it must be con- 
 fessed, society received me more kindly, and 
 lavished far more attention upon me, than 
 I merited in any way. 
 
 But one place there was in which for 
 a time I found great consolation. This 
 was the house of Prank Nesbit, who quickly 
 forgave me my neglect of his caution in the 
 matter of Mr. Stanniwell. 
 
 Prank Nesbit's home was a roomy old- 
 fashioned house near Hamp stead Heath, 
 with a large rambling garden, in which all 
 sorts of most unfashionable flowers, roses, 
 sweet Williams, stocks, and mignonette, ran 
 wild in the rankest luxuriance. Lawn- 
 tennis Prank would have none of, but there 
 was a green alley for bowls, and a capital 
 gymnasium for his two sturdy little boys, 
 against the time they grew old enough to 
 emulate the wonderful evolutions of their
 
 Peiend Perditus. 217 
 
 idolised father, whom they would watch 
 with wide-open eyes of infantile adoration. 
 
 Considering that it was such a very 
 happy one, Neshit's was a curious menage 
 altogether. His mother, his sister, and a 
 young brother who was just entering the 
 hospitals, resided with him ; and whether it 
 was that his sweet little wife was as good- 
 tempered as he, and his mother and sister 
 equally so, I cannot tell, hut certain it is 
 that they all lived together as happily as 
 birds in a nest are supposed to do. 
 
 At first, as I say, this peaceful haven wSs 
 an inestimable boon to me ; to sit in the cool 
 shade of those ample trees, listening to the 
 twitter of the birds, and breathing the per- 
 fume of the homely flowers, after the sordid 
 excitement of the day, was the sweetest 
 solace and consolation. 
 
 But presently a fresh trouble assailed me. 
 At Prank ISTesbit's, people did just what they 
 liked, talked or sat silent, according to the 
 bent of their wishes, and I soon found that 
 I had too much time to think when I went
 
 218 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 there — to think of myself and my impene- 
 trable past, for strangely enough the anxie- 
 ties of my business never followed me into 
 this calm happy home. 
 
 Something else there was, too, which I 
 concealed at the time, but which now I 
 do not hesitate to confess. I was un- 
 happily, painfully jealous. I had monopo- 
 lised Charlie Hall's affection and care so 
 entirely at one time, that his evident admi- 
 ration for Frank's pretty sister Julia, seemed 
 to overwhelm me with a sense of positive 
 personal injury. 
 
 Nor was I jealous only ; I was envious, 
 too ; not of Charlie's sweetheart — Heaven 
 forbid ! even at that time I would not have 
 deprived him of his treasure for all the 
 riches of the world — but I envied Erank 
 the love of wife and children, and more 
 than all I envied him the devotion of his 
 tender, silver-haired mother. 
 
 All this kindly family were dear to me, 
 but the affection that I felt for Prank's 
 mother in time grew almost painful, and my
 
 PuiEND Peeditus. 219 
 
 heart positively yearned over her. She was 
 a very delicate old lady, of low stature and 
 somewhat stooping shoulders, but there was 
 a wonderful dignity in the fragile figure ; 
 and in the face, with it's luxuriant soft 
 white hair, and still lustrous dark grey eyes, 
 could he plainly read nobility of soul and 
 the most kindly of dispositions. To see her 
 kiss Prank, and to hear her " God bless you, 
 my son," when she would leave us for the 
 niglit, brought the tears into my eyes. 
 
 One evening this emotion seized upon me 
 so strongly that it became apparent to li5r, 
 and leading me a little apart from the others, 
 she raised her eyes, and looked enquiringly 
 into mine. 
 
 " What is it that is troubling you?" she 
 said gently. 
 
 ''There is nothing," I faltered, trying to 
 avoid her questioning glance. 
 
 " Oh yes there is ; I have seen it for some 
 little time. You come so seldom now, and 
 you are so silent." 
 
 " I could not tell you ; you would not
 
 220 Priend Perditus; 
 
 understand what I feel," I said, looking 
 wistfully down at her. 
 
 " Perhaps not, but I could sympathise 
 with any trouble of yours, even if I did not 
 entirely understand it." 
 
 " This is my trouble, then," I said, blurt- 
 ing it out in a feverish whisper ; '' the pangs 
 of envy gnaw me so keenly that I can no 
 longer endure them.'' 
 
 " Envy ! " she murmured. 
 
 ^^ Yes, envy. I envy Frank his mother. 
 Every loving word you speak to him, every 
 proud glance you bestow on him, cuts me to 
 the soul ! " 
 
 I remember her look of wistful sympathy. 
 I recollect that she murmured some tender 
 words of hope and consolation ; but I could 
 not stay to listen. An almost hysterical 
 paroxysm of pity for myself was upon me, 
 and fearing altogether to lose control over 
 myself I hurried from the house. 
 
 This happened at the close of the second 
 year of our life in Wilton Crescent, and from 
 that time I became a complete hermit.
 
 Priend Perditus. 221 
 
 socially speaking. I went absolutely no- 
 where, nor when Charlie had friends would 
 I mingle with them. 
 
 Shortly after this my dear friend became 
 engaged to Julia Nesbit, and then, as — 
 despite repeated invitations — I would not 
 accompany him to her brother's house, I 
 began to see comparatively little of Charlie. 
 
 Night after night I sat alone in our com- 
 fortable little library brooding over my 
 forlorn situation— reviewing the day's trans- 
 actions—recognising that each succeeding 
 evening saw me richer than I had been on 
 the previous one ; and yet, while I thirsted 
 eagerly for gain, it's acquisition brought me 
 no real comfort. 
 
 " Money is no use in itself," I would 
 murmur bitterly ; " I would lavish it all 
 without a second thought to give pleasure to 
 one I loved." 
 
 Then with utter inconsistency I would 
 commence my intricate calculations again, 
 and work at them until my head ached and 
 my eyes burned.
 
 222 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 At length there arrived an evening when 
 my depression and loneliness of spirit 
 seemed to culminate. I had not seen 
 Oharlie all day — he had been sent for pro- 
 fessionally before I came down in the 
 morning — and when I returned home after 
 my day's business he had gone to Hamp- 
 stead as usual. 
 
 A heavy fog had hung over London all 
 the day, and as evening approached it 
 grew denser. I pulled aside the blind in 
 the library and looked out. It was impos- 
 sible to see across the road, and the gas 
 lamps loomed mistily through the murky 
 atmosphere. 
 
 '' I can't help it," I murmured, stretching 
 myself wearily ; *' I must go out, I daren't 
 sit here any longer by myself. Nesbit will 
 persuade Charlie to stop all night on ac- 
 count of this fog, I know ; and I don't feel 
 somehow as if I could go to bed without 
 exchanging a word with anyone. I have 
 made twenty-five thousand pounds to-day !
 
 Priend Perditus. 223 
 
 Well, I wonder if I should feel any worse if 
 I had lost a hundred thousand ? " 
 
 Putting on my hat and great coat I let 
 myself out, and with my hands plunged 
 into my coat pockets I strode off into the 
 darkness. 
 
 The thick chokins^ mist made walkins^ 
 and breathing almost equally difficult ; by 
 the time I reached Peo^ent Street I was 
 thoroughly tired, and m}^ throat and mouth 
 were parched and uncomfortable with the 
 sulphurous smoky air. Altogether the bril- 
 liantly lighted entrance of the St. Jame*s' 
 Pestaurant was a welcome sight to me. 
 
 '' I will go in and have a brandy and 
 soda," I muttered as I approached it. 
 '' Charlie may well say I am not in good 
 condition, I have not walked more than a 
 couple of miles and yet I am dead beat. 
 I hope there will be some one I know about, 
 if not I shall turn into the 'Criterion,' 
 and see tlie last act of the piece. I won't 
 go home until bedtime, that's quite certain.
 
 224 Priend Perditus. 
 
 I have just come to tlie end of my tetlier 
 with regard to my own society. I really 
 couldn't stand another half hour alone in 
 the library to-night." 
 
 I sauntered into the restaurant, ordered 
 my brandy and soda, drank it, and feeling 
 decidedly refreshed, looked around to see if 
 amons: the crowd there was one familiar 
 face. 
 
 '' No," I muttered, " there is not one." 
 
 And then with a quick catch of my 
 breath, and an indescribable suffocating 
 sense of excitement, I stopped short. 
 
 A few steps from me, gazing at me with 
 an expression of mingled astonishment and 
 terror, was a tall dark young man, with a 
 silky black moustache, and piercing brown 
 eyes. 
 
 Por an instant, motionless and fascinated, 
 we gazed into each others eyes. The man 
 was a stranger to me, but — and at the 
 thought my heart began to throb wildly — 
 he recognised me, there was no doubt of 
 that, and from the manner of his recogni-
 
 Priend Perdittjs. 225 
 
 tion I was convinced that at last I had 
 found an important clue to my lost 
 identity. 
 
 With a desperate effort to recover myself 
 I moved slowly towards him ; but before 
 I could reach his side, with a hasty 
 exclamation he pushed his way through 
 the crowded bar, and without a backward 
 look disappeared through the swing doors 
 which led to the street. 
 
 My blood on fire I rushed after him, 
 but when. I reached the street one glance 
 showed me that any search for him would 
 be utterly unavailing. The fog was even 
 denser, and now it was impossible to see 
 a yard either to the right or left. 
 
 Baffled, sick at heart, and weary, I 
 pursued my way on foot to the nearest 
 railway station, for, in consequence of the 
 fog, no cabs were running. 
 
 '' After all," I thought, " Charlie might 
 return; at any rate I will go home as 
 quickly as possible on the chanccj." 
 
 An absolute craving for sympathy was 
 
 VOL. I. U
 
 226 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 upon me ; my brain was in a ferment. 
 Why had this man avoided me? Prom 
 what did the horror and repugnance that 
 had shone in his eyes when he looked upon 
 me, arise ? 
 
 '' God help me," I cried, '' I must find 
 him. I must learn what he has to tell.'' 
 
 And then I shuddered. 
 
 "He is associated with some dark page 
 in my life." I muttered. '^ Dare I open 
 it ? "
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 The train was in the station wlien, after 
 groping my way wdtli the utmost difficulty, 
 I reached Charing Cross. Pushing past the 
 guard, who knowing me as a season tioket 
 holder held the gate open an instant longer 
 for me, I rushed towards the carriages. 
 There was clearly no time for me to get to 
 my own division of the train, I must 
 scramble in where I could. 
 
 In the first compartment I came to, a 
 glance showed me that there were two men. 
 I wished to be alone that I might think, 
 and taking my fingers from the handle I 
 hurried to the next, which was empty, and 
 flung myself into it. Two or three seconds, 
 and then the train moved on. 
 Q 2
 
 228 Priend Perditus. 
 
 It had scarcely started when I heard a 
 boyish laugh which startled me by its seem- 
 ingly close proximity and the familiarity of 
 its tone. Looking up, I saw that the second 
 class compartment in which I sat was of 
 a somewhat unusual build, the divisions 
 separating one compartment from another, 
 ceasing about a foot from the roof. There- 
 fore, although I could distinctly hear every- 
 thing that was said in the next carriage, I 
 could not see the speakers. 
 
 " Well, that fellow w^as pretty well dazed 
 by the fog, any way," said the boyish voice, 
 which I recoornised now as that of Erank 
 Nesbit's talkative, impulsive young brother 
 Harry ; ^^ he looked me straight in the face 
 and did not know me. Perhaps though,'' 
 he continued wdth a fresh laugh, " he didn't 
 want to recognise me for fear I might seem to 
 expect him to join me ; these big guns don't 
 like to be seen travelling second class." 
 
 " Is he a big gun, then ? " inquired a 
 strange voice, in which I fancied I could
 
 Priend Perditus. 229 
 
 detect a slight tremor, and wliich aroused 
 my interest at once. 
 
 <« Why, yes, I should think he was, 
 rather." 
 
 *^ In what way ? " 
 
 ^' Why, in the best possible way from a 
 worldly point of view," the lad replied ; 
 ^^ people say he will be one of the richest 
 men in London in ten years if he goes on at 
 his present rate; he has made no end of 
 money already." 
 
 ^^ He doesn't look like a rich maja," 
 exclaimed the other with eager interest. 
 
 ^^No," responded the boy, ^^ he's got 
 awfully eccentric lately, and neglects his 
 appearance and dress altogether; when I 
 first knew him, three years ago, he was a 
 tremendously handsome well-set-up fellow. 
 But lately he's got queer ; not but what he 
 must always have been funny, I should 
 say," continued young Harry, whose prin- 
 cipal weakness was the love of hearing his 
 own voice.
 
 230 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 There was a momentary silence in the 
 next carriage, and then the stranger said 
 with ill-assumed indifference — 
 
 '' What's his name and profession ? " 
 
 '' He's a speculator," was the somewhat 
 ambiguous answer, '^ and his name is Friend 
 Perditus." 
 
 " Eriend Perditus ! Is that Priend Per- 
 ditus? The man that made that pot of 
 money over those Mexican shares which 
 went wrong the week after he'd sold them ?" 
 
 " Yes, that's the chap. Some people say 
 that he must have made a compact wdth a 
 certain gentleman who lives very much 
 down stairs, but one thing is quite certain, 
 he has the most phenomenal luck." 
 
 " But, Priend Perditus ! It's an extra- 
 ordinary name ! " 
 
 " Well, you know, it's not exactly his 
 name, but he calls himself that." 
 
 " What, did he choose his own name 
 then ! " 
 
 ^' Well — yes — I believe he did." 
 
 ^^ But why?"
 
 EniEND Perditus. 231 
 
 Harry Nesbit evidently hesitated, but the 
 temptation to talk was too strong for him. 
 
 ^' I am not altogether sure that I ought 
 to tell you why," he said; ''my brother 
 Erank says the less the matter's talked 
 about the better ; but I don't see what harm 
 it will do to mention it to you ; you are 
 never likely to come in contact with him ; 
 you are leaving town almost at once, aren't 
 you ? " 
 
 " Yes, I expect we shall ; there doesn't 
 sesm to be any opening for us here." 
 
 '' Well, then," said the boy, instinctively 
 lowering his voice, so that it was only with 
 the greatest difficulty I could follow him, 
 " the case of Eriend Perditus is one of the 
 most extraordinary, from a medical point of 
 view, that has ever been heard of. Almost 
 all the great brain specialists have seen 
 him, but he baffles them all. He christened 
 himself Priend Perditus about four years 
 ago, when he first recovered his senses after 
 an illness during which he had lain in a 
 t ate of delirium for three months."
 
 232 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 " But if he recovered his senses, why did 
 lie need to christen himself? Why not 
 have resumed his own name ? " 
 
 "Because," said the hoy impressively, 
 " he had no recollection of it, or of anything 
 which preceded his accident. His past was 
 a complete blank to him " 
 
 " Great God ! " was the involuntary ex- 
 clamation. 
 
 " And so it has remained ever since," 
 continued Harry, in awe-stricken tones. 
 " For the first year or two it was expected 
 that his memory would suddenly return to 
 him, hut now^ the doctors seem to have 
 given up all hopes." 
 
 " And you say he recollects nothing, abso- 
 lutely nothing ? " was the earnest inquiry. 
 
 "Nothing; neither the land of his birth, 
 nor his father, nor his mother. In fact, 
 nothing." 
 
 " Are you quite sure of this ? " said the 
 other, almost fiercely. "How can you know 
 he holds back nothing from you ? You 
 are but a boy compared to him "
 
 Priend Perditus. 233 
 
 " Well, I don't see that, exactly," ex- 
 claimed the lad, rather piqued ; '' but you 
 can rely upon what I say, though I don't 
 pretend to be in his confidence myself. I 
 get my information from my brother Frank, 
 and from my sister, who is engaged to Dr. 
 Hall, the fellow that pulled him through 
 his illness, his inseparable chum, with 
 whom he lives. If you asked them they 
 would tell you exactly the same thing." 
 
 Here the train pulled up at the next 
 station, but the platform was empty, and 
 after even a shorter pause than usual it 
 moved on again. During that momentary 
 pause I tried to make up my mind what I 
 ought to do. Ought I to enter the next 
 carriage and put an end to young Harry's 
 volubility or not ? I was still hesitating 
 when unexpectedly the train moved on, and 
 I heard the conversation renewed. 
 
 " But how has Mr. Perditus made his 
 money ? " inquired the stranger, with the 
 same transparent air of assumed indiffer- 
 ence.
 
 234 Friend Perditus. 
 
 " Oh, well, you know, his diamonds gave 
 him a famous start to begin with. They 
 were worth close on forty thousand pounds, 
 and with this forty thousand he has made 
 no end by speculating." 
 
 '' His diamonds! "What diamonds ? " was 
 the breathless query. 
 
 " Why, the diamonds that were round his 
 waist sewn into a leathern belt when he was 
 fished out of the sea. He was shipwrecked, 
 you know, off the coast of Lancashire that 
 celebrated and fatal night in March, 1880, 
 when three vessels went down almost within 
 sight of home. W^hich vessel he was aboard 
 neither he nor any one else knows. He 
 was floating stiff on his back when he was 
 picked up by the fishermen, and he was 
 given up for dead by everybody but Charlie 
 Hall." 
 
 " Ah, the man he lives with ? Where 
 did you say their house was ? " the stranger 
 asked earnestly. 
 
 " Oh, I aidn't know I mentioned it," 
 replied the boy. '' They live at No. 60,
 
 Friend Peeditus. 235 
 
 Wilton Orescent, Kniglitsbridge. It's not 
 a big house, but an awfully expensive swell 
 neighbourhood. Oh, do you get out here?" 
 
 " Yes, St. James's Park is the best for 
 me. Good-bye ; I have been much inter- 
 ested in what you've told me." 
 
 " Good-bye," Harry Nesbit faltered rather 
 nervously, " You won't repeat what I've 
 said about Perditus ; I am afraid I should 
 catch it from my people at home if they 
 knew I had been so outspoken." 
 
 '^ Don't worry yourself," was the answer ; 
 ''you have certainly done no harm by 
 telling me the strange story." 
 
 '' I hope not," said the lad, as the train 
 came to a complete stop ; '^ he's been rather 
 huffy with us lately, but more particularly 
 on that account I should not like to do any- 
 thing he might think mean. So please 
 forget what I've said, or at any rate don't 
 repeat it." 
 
 " All right ; set your mind at ease." 
 
 I heard the door open, and then, pulling 
 my hat down over my brow, I leant forvrard
 
 236 Eriend Pehditus. 
 
 to see what manner of man it was that 
 Harry had heen regaling with my unfor- 
 tunate history. It seemed to me an age 
 between the opening of the door and the 
 alighting of the stranger upon the platform. 
 He spoke again as he was stepping out, 
 keeping his face turned away from me. 
 
 " It will be as much as I can do to find 
 my way home," he said, '' the fog is thicker 
 than ever. See, the station is full of it.'' 
 
 *' Yes," said young Nesbit, '' I shall not be 
 sorry to get out of London for a day or two. 
 I start for Brighton to-morrow by the eight 
 o'clock train. But I shall he home by the 
 end of the week. Good-bye, again." 
 
 The whistle sounded for the train to start, 
 and then with a final nod to Harry Nesbit 
 the stranger turned towards me. 
 
 In an instant I was on my feet and 
 struggling desperately with the handle of 
 the carriage in which I sat. Again my eyes 
 had rested on the dark face of the man who 
 had recognised me so evidently, less than 
 half an hour before.
 
 Priend Perditus. 237 
 
 The train was almost in the tunnel before 
 I succeeded in wrenching the obstinate door 
 open, but, utterly oblivious of the danger I 
 ran, I sprang out, the thick mist preventing 
 my reckless conduct attracting attention, 
 and then I rushed up the platform in pur- 
 suit. 
 
 But for the second time my quarry 
 escaped me. When I reached the head of 
 the stairs, and looked out into the blinding 
 fog, not a trace of the man could I see. 
 
 Then I began to reproach myself for my 
 precipitate and thoughtless conduct. Had 
 I remained quietly where I was, I could 
 have joined young Harry Nesbit at the next 
 station and learned who his companion had 
 been, and where I could meet and speak 
 with him. Now I should have to subdue 
 my impatience as best I might until the 
 boy's return from Brighton. It was clearly 
 impossible for me to get to see Harry before 
 he started, and I did not wish to write to 
 him on the subject. It would be making 
 the matter too important in his eyes, and I
 
 238 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 could not tell but what I might desire to 
 keep my former connection with this 
 mysterious man a secret from all but 
 Charlie. In fact I had a horrible conviction 
 upon me that this would prove to be the 
 case ; for if our acquaintance had been of 
 an ordinary nature, why should his counten- 
 ance have expressed the emotions it did 
 when we met ? And again, why did he 
 deliberately deceive the boy as to his know- 
 ledge of me ? 
 
 Oh how thankful I was when I heard 
 Charlie's latch-kev in the lock that nio^ht, 
 and how little I deserved the interest and 
 patience with which he listened to my story. 
 
 Half the night we sat up talking and 
 trying to find some reasonable explanation 
 for the extraordinary conduct of the unknown 
 man ; but naturally our surmises were of the 
 very wildest and vaguest description. 
 
 The more we talked the more bewildered 
 we grew, and when the hands of the clock 
 pointed to three Charlie rose, and, shaking 
 his wise, ugly head, said kindly —
 
 Friend Pehditus. 239 
 
 " It's no good, rriend, the knot is too hard 
 to unravel to-night. Our heads may he clearer 
 to-morrow morning. Go to bed and rest, 
 dear old fellow. If the worst comes to the 
 worst, Harry Neshit will he back on Eriday 
 evening, we will waylay him at the station 
 as if by accident, and hear what he can tell 
 us, that is if you don't feel inclined to come 
 up to Hampstead," he continued wistfully. 
 
 My heart reproached me, I had been so 
 full of my own concerns I bad never once 
 thought of these kind friends. 
 
 " We will see about that," I murmured 
 hurriedly ; '' are they all well, Charlie ? " 
 
 " Quite well, and they ask for you so 
 often, Priend." 
 
 " God bless tbem," I faltered, and then I 
 wrung his hand and Went to my room. 
 
 Utterly exhausted I slept soundly, and 
 when I awoke in the morning the sun was 
 shining brightly into my room, almost as 
 brightly, it seemed to me, as five years ago 
 it had shone that morning into my little 
 room at the hospital. It must have fallen
 
 240 Friend Perditus. 
 
 across my bed in the same way, I suppose ; 
 anyway it recalled the moment of my re- 
 awaking to life very distinctly to me. 
 
 A few minutes I lay revelling in the 
 cheery sight, — for a week or more the 
 gloomy impenetrable fogs had continued— 
 and as I gazed my heart revived and 
 softened. I thought of Charlie with the 
 old gush of tenderness, and then I thought 
 with shame of the callous, hardened being, 
 which the pursuit of money had made of me. 
 
 '' If I could onlv find some other interest 
 in life," I murmured wistfully, "perhaps 
 through this man" — and then I shook my 
 head and sighed, as I owned to myself that 
 it was very diflBcult to imagine anything 
 good in connection with this mysterioug 
 being, and yet — 
 
 Charlie was already in the breakfast-room 
 when I came down ; he greeted me even 
 more heartily than usual. 
 
 '' Why, friend, old man ! " he cried, 
 " your romantic encounter last night has 
 done you good ; you look decidedly more
 
 Priend Pehditus. 241 
 
 fit this morning than you have done for 
 many a day past." 
 
 " I am glad of it," I answered cheerily, 
 for somehow, God only knows why, my heart 
 was lighter than it had been for montiis — 
 " I have not been so absorbed but what I 
 could see how disapprovingly your medical 
 eye has rested on me for many weeks past. 
 I am more than ever an eniorma to mvself 
 this morning, Charlie, for why in the world 
 should I feel as if a load had been suddenly 
 lifted from my shoulders ? Come, solve the 
 problem, dear and wise old sage. There was 
 certainly nothing reassuring in the aspect of 
 that man last night, quite the reverse, in fact." 
 
 Placing his two hands firmly on my 
 shoulders, Charles Hall looked gravely, but 
 very tenderly, into my eyes. 
 
 " Do you really wish to know what I 
 think, Priend ? " 
 
 " I do, indeed," I replied, startled by bis 
 almost solemn earnestness. 
 
 '' And I may speak plainly without offend- 
 ing you ? " 
 
 VOL. I. R
 
 242 Priend Perditus. 
 
 I winced, and my eyes sank under his. 
 
 " God forgive me," I murmured con- 
 science stricken, " I know I have been an 
 ill-tempered brute lately." 
 
 " Ah, no," he interrupted hastily, " I 
 didn't mean that, Priend, upon my soul I 
 did not. Eut you have been on a constant 
 tension of excitement, and have become 
 more irritable than nature intended you to 
 be. Now I will tell you why you are more 
 your real self this morning. Your mind 
 has been distracted out of the narrow 
 groove in which you have forced it to run 
 for so long. Any fresh anxiety must be a 
 relief and a benefit to you, no matter from 
 what cause it springs. Oh, my boy, don't 
 think I have judged you harshly; heaven 
 knows, in your position, I might have done 
 far worse myself; but, Priend, my heart has 
 ached for you more than you can ever 
 guess, I fancy." 
 
 '' I was not worth so much feeling, 
 Charlie," I cried, wringing his hand in 
 mine.
 
 PuiEND Perditus. 243 
 
 " Perhaps not," lie answered, regaining liis 
 cheerfulness, and beaming on me with the 
 truest affection shining in his eyes, " it may 
 be bad taste on my part, and undoubtedly 
 there is a large amount of self-glorification 
 in the interest I feel in you, but this is 
 quite certain, there is only one other person 
 in the world who is as dear to me as you 
 are, Priend. You can ^uess who that is." 
 
 ''Easily," I cried, "and upon my soul, 
 Charlie, it's a relief to me to recognise that, 
 in that quarter at least, your judgment }^as 
 been beyond reproach." 
 
 We settled ourselves at the breakfast 
 table, and, after pouring out the coffee, 
 Charlie spoke again. 
 
 " I wish she had a sister, Priend." 
 
 "Who?" I cried, startled out of the 
 reverie into which I had fallen. 
 
 «* Whv Julia, of course. I wish she had 
 
 V 
 
 a sister, and that you admired her." 
 
 I shook my head dolefully. 
 
 " Don't wish me such ill-luck as that, 
 Charlie." 
 
 r2
 
 244 Priend Peeditus. 
 
 " Ill-luck ! " 
 
 '' Yes, for if I had admired her the pro- 
 bability is that the sentiment would not 
 have been reciprocal." 
 
 '' Oh, humbug ! " 
 
 " Well, if it had, that would have been 
 worse still." 
 
 '' What on earth do you mean, Eriend ? " 
 
 «« Why, how could I ask any woman to 
 be my wife ? My past is a mystery, and 
 my present life you yourself admit is not 
 one to be proud of." 
 
 '' Weil, then," he cried, bringing his fist 
 down upon the table with an emphasis that 
 made the cups and saucers ring again, 
 " give up your present life and be worthy 
 of yourself. When you are that, you need 
 not be afraid to ask any woman in the 
 world to share your home." 
 
 His eyes positively blazed with enthu- 
 siasm on my behalf, and roused out of 
 myself I leant across the table towards 
 him. 
 
 " What can I do ? " I asked. '' I must
 
 Priend Perditus. 245 
 
 have occupation, and I should not have 
 patience to study for any profession, even 
 if I had the requisite talent, which I have 
 not." 
 
 But if I thought to pose him by this 
 question I was mistaken. Taking a chair 
 which stood near mine, Charles Hall laid 
 his hand on my arm. He spoke very 
 calmly, but I could see his face twitching 
 with suppressed excitement. 
 
 ''I hoped that the time would come 
 when you might ask me this question, 
 Priend. So I have kept my eyes open. 
 By a strange chance last night at Prank 
 Nesbit's I heard of something that I believe 
 would suit you down to the ground, if you 
 would only take it into consideration." 
 
 ''Something that would suit me!" I 
 ejaculated in wonder. " What, in the name 
 of goodness ? " 
 
 "Well, you know the firm of Simpson, 
 Marshall and Company ? " 
 
 *' The great china merchants ? Oh, yes, 
 I know their names well. Why, the death
 
 246 Priend Perditus. 
 
 of old Marshall a montli ago, made quite 
 a little flatter in the money market." 
 
 *' Well, it appears old Marshall was the 
 mainspring of that concern, the present 
 representatives of the firm being a couple 
 of young men fresli from college, with 
 no experience and very little aptitude for 
 business." 
 
 '^ Ah ! that's serious, considering the 
 importance of their enterprises ; but I don't 
 quite see how this condition of things affects 
 me.^' 
 
 '^ In this way. It seems that as, through 
 the death of Mr. Marshall, his share of the 
 capital will have to be withdrawn, these 
 two young men have been advised to take 
 a partner into the firm; but a man witli 
 sufficient money to buy into such a busi- 
 ness as that is not easv to meet with, 
 especially as they want money and business 
 capability as well. In fact, Stanniwell said 
 the other day in confidence to Prank Nesbit, 
 which confidence jolly old Prank broke 
 without the slightest compunction, ' Priend
 
 Triend Peuditus. 247 
 
 Perditus is the only man I know who would 
 do for the post. He has money, luck, and 
 excellent judgment.' " 
 
 ''But I know nothing whatever of that 
 business," I exclaimed. 
 
 " You could learn," Charlie cried. 
 ''Stanniwell says with your clear head 
 you would have it all at your fingers 
 ends in six months, if you set to work in 
 earnest; and he ought to be a good 
 judge." 
 
 '' How much do they want ? " I asked. 
 
 "Oh, an awful amount, it appears to 
 me, but according to Stanniwell not an 
 unreasonable one — a couple of hundred 
 thousand pounds ; but then your income 
 would be at once about forty thousand." 
 
 "Well, I'll take it into consideration," 
 I said musingly. " I don't suppose the 
 matter will be arranged in a hurry. The 
 fact is I don't quite knov/ what I am worth, 
 but more than a couple of hundred thousand, 
 I should say." 
 
 " You mustn't expect to make money Sq
 
 248 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 quickly, Priend, if you go in for mercantile 
 pursuits/' Charlie continued ; " but, my 
 boy, I can't tell you how thankful I 
 should be to see you safely settled, and 
 employing your great talents in some 
 honourable, respectable way." 
 
 Stung to the quick, I drew back from 
 him. 
 
 " You use hard terms, Charlie," I mut- 
 tered, in cruel mortification ; "I am not 
 aware that I have been dishonourable in 
 any way. I fancy I should have the same 
 abhorence for any mean or dirty action that 
 you would yourself." 
 
 " I am sure of it, Priend," he replied 
 quickly, " and that is why I have grieved 
 over your infatuation so bitterly. I know 
 that your eyes have been shut, and are 
 shut even now, to the real facts of the 
 case, and I have not had the courage 
 to try to open them. Priend, you would 
 blame a man who spent his life in a whirl 
 of feverish excitement at the gambling 
 tables at Monte Carlo, you would not
 
 EniEND Perditus. 249 
 
 be inclined to trust that man with any 
 dear interest of yours, Avould you ? Well, 
 for three years past you have been a 
 gambler, nothing more or less ; but your 
 excitement has been fiercer and you have 
 played for stakes which would not be 
 tolerated even in that atmosphere of moral 
 degradation. Wby, my boy, the noblest 
 man in the world must deteriorate if he 
 stoop to such an existence as this. It has 
 been a positive torture to me to see you 
 ruining your good heart and your splen(^d 
 physique, and to feel so powerless to help 
 you." 
 
 " I did not know," I faltered, in- 
 expressibly pained at the intensity of his 
 emotion. " Indeed, Charlie, I did not 
 
 recognise- 
 
 *' I know that, Eriend, and therefore I 
 have felt terribly responsible in this matter. 
 Thank goodness the ice is broken between 
 
 us now." 
 
 "And please God it shall never film 
 over the warmth of our affection again,"
 
 2j0 Pkiend Perditus. 
 
 I cried. " I will make no promises, Charlie, 
 about this new affair, but," here I rose and 
 took his hand between both of mine, '' I 
 pledge you my sacred word that from this time 
 forward I will give up my present course 
 of life, and once more I humbly thank 
 God for your friendship." 
 
 A tear actually ran down Charlie Hall's 
 sallow cheek, but his eyes were radiant with 
 delight. 
 
 " I am the happiest fellow in the world 
 this morning, I do believe," he cried, *' but 
 I must find you as good a wife as I hope 
 to have myself — or nearly as good, Julia's 
 exact equal does not exist upon this earth 
 — before I am satisfied." 
 
 " Oh, don't worry yourself about that," 
 I said smiling, but with rather a sad 
 heart. '' In years to come I may possibly 
 think differently, but at present — well, I 
 won't talk about it. If you could find 
 me a mother, now, I would fall down on 
 my knees and worship you, but a wife " 
 
 " Well, my boy, I am thinking of a
 
 PuiEND Perditus. 251 
 
 mother-in-law, that's not far from, the 
 mark." 
 
 It was impossible to help laughing at 
 his grave face. 
 
 '^ Such a mother-in-law as yours will 
 be, is one in a thousand," I replied. '* As 
 a rule you must admit they would not 
 be considered a very satisfactory substitute 
 for the real thing." 
 
 With another hearty shake of the hand 
 he left me, and the next instant I saw 
 him descend the steps and start off upon 
 his daily round of professional duties. 
 
 As he passed the window where I stood, 
 he looked up, and his cherry smile reminded 
 me still further how burdensome had been 
 the anxiety he had been bearing on my 
 account. I had not seen so sunny a smile 
 on his face for a long time, and I felt my 
 cheek grow hot with remorse as I remem- 
 bered how much I must have spoilt by my 
 gloomy want of sympathy, the days that 
 should have been the happiest in his life to 
 him.
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 That morning I spent in examining my 
 circumstances, and by the hour of luncheon 
 and Charlie's return from his round I knew 
 exactly how I stood. 
 
 At that moment I had in the bank one 
 hundred and fifty thousand pounds, besides 
 a further sum of seventy-five thousand 
 invested in shares in various companies 
 which were at that moment paying a 
 large dividend, and which, when they had 
 reached a certain point of prosperity, I 
 intended as usual to sell out of, at a verv 
 large profit." 
 
 '' I have not been long making up 
 my mind, Charlie," I cried, as he came 
 bustlino; into the room. '' I will commence 
 approaches to the firm to-morrow, and
 
 Priend Perdittjs. 253 
 
 whether things in that direction look pro- 
 mising or not, I'll realise all my shares 
 and give up speculating. There, there's 
 my hand upon it." 
 
 As we shook hands once more, the post- 
 man's knock resounded through the house. 
 
 a There is the seal of my compact," I 
 said ; and then the door opened, and our 
 man entered with a letter. 
 
 'Tor Mr. Perditus, sir," he said, as 
 Charlie stretched out his hand. 
 
 '' Por me ! " I exclaimed — I seldom re- 
 received letters at home; all my husincss 
 communications being addressed to Mr. 
 Stanniwell's office — "And, by Jove ! " 
 
 I waited till the man had left the room, 
 and then, still eyeing the unopened envelope 
 in my hand, I cried in great surprise — 
 
 " Charlie, this is from a woman ! No 
 lady ever writes to me ! Who in the world 
 can it be ? " 
 
 He took the envelope from me, and 
 turning it over and over, as I had done, 
 examined it carefully.
 
 254 Priend Perditus. 
 
 "The post-mark is S.W.," lie murmured, 
 " and that's all I can make out. But it's a 
 pretty fist, isn't it ? Hullo, Priend, perhaps 
 it's the young lady herself ! " 
 
 " What young lady ? " 
 
 " Oh, Eriend, you are developing powers 
 of dissimulation, I am afraid," he said, with 
 a chuckle. "This is the second time you have 
 tried to humbug me this morning. Why, the 
 young lady I am on the look-out for — the 
 young lady whose merits and beauty are to 
 come somewhere near my Julia's." 
 
 " Charlie, you are talking nonsense for 
 once," I remarked, as, opening my penknife, 
 I proceeded to slit the top of the carefully 
 sealed envelope. " I can guess the object 
 of the note, though not the writer, perfectly 
 well. This comes from one of your young 
 lady patients, I know — some one that you 
 have been gushing about me to, aud it con- 
 tains a polite request for a donation towards 
 some fancy fair or other equally frivolous 
 form of charitv. The wonder is that vou 
 have not brought them down upon me in
 
 Priend Peuditus. 255 
 
 shoals long before this. Now, then, how 
 much does she want ? " 
 
 I unfolded the paper, which was strongly- 
 perfumed and covered with delicate old- 
 fashioned hand- writing of the Italian school, 
 very rarely met with in these strong-minded 
 practical days, but which, I fancy, all men 
 have a very decided leaning towards. 
 
 But I forgot the charm of the writing — I 
 forgot everything — in the tremendous shock 
 of the first three words my eyes fell 
 upon. 
 
 Staggering to the window, I threw it 
 open. An indescribable sensation of faint- 
 ness had come over me, and I felt myself 
 gasping for breath. 
 
 "What is it, Priend?" cried Charlie, 
 hurrying to my side. " Why, man alive, 
 your face is as white as death ! What has 
 happened ? " 
 
 '* I am going mad in earnest, I am 
 afraid," I panted. " People's eyes don't 
 play them tricks unless there is somethiug 
 wrong with their brains, do they ? "
 
 256 PuiEND Perditus. 
 
 " In God's name, what do you mean, 
 man r " 
 
 " "Why," I gasped, crumpling the letter 
 in one trembling hand, while I passed the 
 other over my moist brow, '' I distinctly 
 saw written here, so plainly that they 
 seemed to burn into my very soul, words 
 that could not possibly exist except in my 
 imagination." 
 
 " How do you know that ? '' was the 
 quick enquiry ; " look again, man ! look 
 again ! " 
 
 " I dare not," I cried despairingly ; '' the 
 words mocked me and taunted me with my 
 bitter loneliness." 
 
 Seriously alarmed, Charles Hall laid his 
 hand upon the paper. Instinctively I 
 clutched it more tightly. 
 
 '' Give it to me," he said kindly and 
 persuasively ; ^' give it to me, Priend : let 
 me share your perplexity, whatever it is ? " 
 
 Por another moment I hesitated, and then 
 mv finsrers relaxed their hold, and he drew 
 the paper gently from them. With a groan
 
 Priend Perditus. 257 
 
 I turned away, and covered my burning 
 eyes with my hands. The paper rustled 
 softly in his fingers, and then I heard a cry 
 from him of such utter astonishment that 
 my heart stopped beating for a second, and 
 my brain seemed to reel and rock. 
 
 Rushing to him, I laid my hand upon his 
 arm and shook it in my wild excitement. 
 
 "What is it?" I shrieked; " what have 
 you read ? Por heaven's sake, Charlie, don't 
 stand silent there ; tell me what you have 
 read." 
 
 "Only three words," he gasped; "only 
 three words, Eriend ; but they have knocked 
 all the breath out of my body." 
 
 "What are they?" I cried, almost 
 frantic. 
 
 '^I cannot tell what they mean," he 
 murmured, with white lips. " Oh, my dear 
 old boy, pray God there is no mistake ; but 
 this letter addressed to you, commences, 
 ' My dear son.' " 
 
 He dropped into a chair as he spoke, and 
 falling on my knees by his side— for indeed 
 VOL. I. s
 
 258 Priend Perditus. 
 
 my limbs refused to support me — with 
 shaking hands we spread the paper out, and 
 together with many a smothered exclama- 
 tion we read the letter through. 
 
 Then, with a mighty cry, I flung my arms 
 upon the table, and burying my head in 
 them, with my lips pressed to the paper, I 
 broke into a veritable passion of sobs and 
 tears, and as I wept the sluice-gates of my 
 heart seemed to open to admit a flood of 
 tender rapture. 
 
 " Oh, thank God, thank God ! " I mur- 
 mured. ^^ j^.h, my mother, my dear mother ! 
 at last, at last I have found you ! Oh, tbank 
 God, thank God, for his infinite mercy ! " 
 
 Charlie passed his arm round my bowed 
 shoulders, but he did not speak ; he would 
 not by one word interrupt the sacred joy 
 that was consuming me ; but once more his 
 silent sympathy soothed and quieted me, 
 and presently I raised my head and, with 
 glistening eyes, looked into his kind, anxious 
 face. 
 
 •'Don't be afraid, Charlie," I faltered,
 
 Eriend Perditus. 259 
 
 "joy never kills. Let us read it again. At 
 present I am in a state of chaos. I know 
 that a marvellous happiness has befallen me, 
 but now I want to study the words. Ah, 
 Charlie, see — you might well say it was 
 pretty writing, so clear, so firm; and yet, 
 God bless her, my mother cannot he 
 young." 
 
 I kissed the paper again. No man ever 
 pressed his lips more tenderly to liis first 
 love-letter than I did to that ; and then I 
 read the precious words once more. 
 
 The re=perusal of the letter, however, did 
 not afford me quite an unmixed delight ; 
 and bv the time I had come to the end of it 
 a certain sense of uneasiness began to 
 mingle with my pleasure. The main cause 
 of rejoicing was unaltered, it is true, and my 
 heart overflowed with gratitude for this in- 
 estimable boon. I had found my mother, 
 and she had written to me kindly and affec- 
 tionately ; but I could not fail to perceive, 
 now that I was calmer and more able to 
 judge, that there was a certain air of reserve 
 
 s2
 
 2G0 Priend Perditus. 
 
 about the letter, evidently arising from some 
 barrier, wliich so far as I could understand, 
 I had raised between myself and the family 
 for whom I had yearned so long and so 
 bitterly. 
 
 The letter was dated from a house in Hart 
 Street, Westminster, and was worded in this 
 way : 
 
 " My dear Son, 
 
 ^^ Possibly I may be acting unwisely in 
 seeking you out, but mothers are not often 
 discreet in these matters ; and again, if the 
 strange story that I hear of you is true, you 
 may be unable to make the advance, which 
 in other circumstances I certainly should 
 have a right to expect from you. It is so 
 long, so long, my son, since you left me ; 
 more than five years, and in all that time you 
 have never sent me one word. Por the last 
 four years I suppose I must not hold you 
 accountable; but before that surely I had 
 some claim upon you, and you might have 
 eased the bitter heartache and anxiety I
 
 Priend Perditus. 261 
 
 suffered on your account. However, you 
 were very young, and perhaps no man can 
 understand how unchanging a woman's love 
 is, and that a widowed mother does not 
 judge her eldest son as the world judges 
 him. Peril aps you w^ere not sure of my 
 forgiveness ; I think that must have been 
 the reason you did not write to me 
 once. Such a doubt is not just to me, but 
 I will not renroach vou now, nor will I 
 ever. Let the past be buried between us — 
 what's done cannot be undone. Come tojue 
 to-morrow at twelve o'clock. We are 
 leavins^ Ens^land verv shortly, but I cannot 
 go without pressing my eldest born once 
 more to my heart. Oh, my son, do not fear 
 me, you shall never hear one harsh word 
 from your loving and sorrowful mother, 
 
 HORTENSE GUADELLA." 
 
 Then there came the postcript. 
 
 '' I hear you have done well in the world. 
 I can almost find it in my heart to regret
 
 262 Priend Perditus. 
 
 this ; it seems to separate you further from 
 us, and if you are surrounded hy luxury and 
 wealth you may feel to want your mother 
 less. Yes, my son, money raises up friends 
 for us, but it is in the time of poverty and 
 trouble one looks in vain for a kind word or 
 an outstretched hand. Come to me, let me 
 see you once again, and then we will pursue 
 our separate paths if you wish it. A mother 
 should not sue to her son, nor will I." 
 
 It was an immense relief to me to find 
 that Charles Hall did not share the mis- 
 givings which this letter aroused in my 
 mind, clapping me heartily on the back he 
 congratulated me warmly. 
 
 " It is a charming letter," he cried ; " a 
 tender, womanly, and yet dignified letter ; 
 my dear boy, I am more thankful on your 
 account than I can say." 
 
 *' But," said I, '•' what can I have done, 
 Charlie ? It seems almost as if I had 
 deserted my mother." 
 
 " I don't see that," he replied, '' you can't 
 take these last four years into account at
 
 Eriend Perditus. 263 
 
 all ; and I am strongly under the impres- 
 sion that you will find you left your home 
 in some sort of freak; most probably you 
 were bound for the Diamond Pields ; the 
 diamonds in your possession and the visit to 
 Cape Town seem to prove that, and if you 
 had stated your intention you probably 
 knew your mother would have withheld her 
 permission for your starting on so dangerous 
 and doubtful an expedition." 
 
 '' But why should I not have written ? " 
 I asked, the clouds which had gathered over 
 the brightness of my new found happiness, 
 dispersing before my dear friend's hopeful 
 words. 
 
 " Why, Priend, your silence may be 
 accounted for in many ways. In the first 
 place you may have written and the letter 
 gone wrong, but I should fancy the more 
 probable explanation is that you resolved to 
 justify your wilfulness by returning to your 
 family a rich man, and that until you could 
 tell them of your success you would tell 
 them nothing." 
 
 I drew a deep breath of relief. Charlie's
 
 264 Priend Perditus. 
 
 reasoning powers were very acute and had 
 stood me in good stead so often that in any 
 difficulty apart from my business enter- 
 prises, about which his opinion was worth- 
 less, I had come to rely upon his judgment 
 almost unquestioningly. 
 
 Once more, therefore, I abandoned my- 
 self to the unmixed joy which had filled 
 my heart before these doubts crept in. I had 
 been unmindful and careless of my mother's 
 feelings in the past ; but in the future, 
 please God, I w^ould atone to the uttermost 
 by devoting myself heart and soul to her 
 happiness. Slie should never know another 
 heartache or anxiety if I could stand be- 
 tween her and trouble ; and for absolutely 
 the first time, notwithstandiog the feverish 
 greed with which I had amassed money, 
 I was thankful for the possession of a large 
 fortune. 
 
 Prom the tone of her letter I fancied 
 that my mother s circumstances were not 
 easy, and inwardly I rejoiced at the thought. 
 Heaven had indeed been good to me ! What
 
 Eriend Perditus. 265 
 
 transport I should feel in surrounding her 
 with every comfort and luxury ! Not a 
 pleasure that money could buy should she 
 lack ; and surely by untudng patience and 
 assiduity I should succeed in making her 
 declining years happy, since in spite of all 
 my negligences and offences she loved me 
 still. 
 
 And there were others, too. " We are 
 leaving England shortly," my mother had 
 said : and again, " a mother does not judge 
 her eldest son as the world judges him. J' 
 There were, perhaps, brothers and sisters 
 waiting to welcome me — well, tliere was 
 room' in my yearn in g heart for them all ! 
 I was evidently the head of the family, and 
 it would be my duty as well as my joy to 
 provide for them, and to advance them in 
 the world. So now every farthing of my 
 money was doubly valuable to me, for it 
 represented their joys and their profit. 
 
 Then, suddenly, I recognised the full 
 benefit of Charlie's suggestion with regard 
 to the partnership in the great mercantile
 
 266 Eriend Pehditus. 
 
 firm. Por the future, with others depend- 
 ing on me, it would have been impossible 
 for me to continue my former risky in- 
 vestments. Even now I was so imbued 
 with a sense of the dangerous position of 
 some of my means, that I could not rest 
 inactive. 
 
 Pulling out my watch I sprang to my 
 feet. 
 
 '' Charlie," I said, *' thank goodness there 
 is something I can do this afternoon. I 
 shall catch Rtanniwell if I take a hansom. 
 I shall give him instructions to sell out 
 every share I possess to-morrow, whether 
 at a loss or profit. I can't afford to specu- 
 late now that my money means more to me 
 than so much hard coin. And, Charlie, if 
 I wasn't ashamed to look them all in the 
 face, I should like to go up to Hampstead, 
 and get Nesbit to give me a letter of intro- 
 duction to young Simpson." 
 
 '' Well, do so," cried Charlie, with spark- 
 ling eyes. '' I can answer for your being 
 received with open arms. Mrs. Nesbit has
 
 Eriend Perditus. 267 
 
 been longing to see you for an age. She 
 has some extraordinary notion in lier clear 
 old head that she is in some way respon- 
 sible for yonr absence." 
 
 I smiled, I could afford to smile now, but 
 my heart was very tender as I recollected 
 my parting with her. 
 
 '' Then I will meet you there, Charlie," I 
 said. " I will dine in town, and come 
 straight on ; I have plenty to do, thank 
 goodness ; if I had not I could not exist 
 until twelve o'clock to-morrow. Oh, Charlie' 
 what will she be like, I wonder ? I shall be 
 drawing fancy portraits of her in my mind's 
 eye all the time." 
 
 " Well," he replied, " according to the 
 general rule, that sons take after their 
 mothers, your mother ought to bo a very 
 striking old lady indeed." 
 
 Then he looked rather wistfully at me. 
 
 " My wife will be w^ell off in one respect 
 at least," he murmured. '^ I am not jealous, 
 I know it now for a fact. Prom my soul I 
 rejoice with you ; but where shall I come
 
 268 Friend Perditus. 
 
 in your heart now, Eriend ? Well, that 
 depends on the number of brothers and 
 sisters, doesn't it ? " he added with a little 
 sigh. 
 
 I conld not speak, but I clasped his hand 
 in mine, and I am sure he understood that 
 nothino^ in the world could ever lessen the 
 
 CD 
 
 warnitli of my affection for the preserver of 
 my life and reason, and the noblest, most 
 devoted friend that ever an unworthy man 
 was blessed with. 
 
 By good luck I caught Mr. Stanniwell, 
 and before I left his office I succeeded 
 in making him believe that I really meant 
 in downright earnestness what I said. At 
 first he could not credit the evidence of his 
 own ears when I declared my positive in- 
 tention of realising at any sacrifice, but 
 ultimately he saw that all arguments on the 
 subject would be utterly useless, and then, 
 though with a rather bad grace, he agreed 
 to carry out my wishes to the letter." 
 
 " To-morrow afternoon I will come again, 
 Stanniwell/' I said, with a farewell shake of
 
 Eriend Perditus. 269 
 
 the hand, '' and I shall hope to find matters 
 eM train at least, if not finally settled." 
 
 '^ All right," he replied gloomily, '' since 
 you are determined on such a ridiculous 
 thing, unfortunately there will be no diffi- 
 culty about doing it at once. I could sell 
 double your number of shares in half an 
 hour ; why the run on them is tremendous. 
 I wish I could persuade you to hold them, 
 if only for a week longer; you would make 
 a large profit by doing so." 
 
 ''Not one day longer," I said firmly; 
 " remember, Stanniwell, not one day. Now 
 good-bye ; I am sorry to have fallen so far 
 short of your expectations of me," I con- 
 cluded, with a cheerful laugh, and then I 
 ran quickly down the narrow uncarpeted 
 stairs, which had grown so familiar to me, 
 and hailing a hansom desired to be driven 
 to Hart Street, Westminster. 
 
 '' I must see the house to-night, at any 
 rate," I murmured, " and perhaps I might 
 even catch a glimpse of her at the 
 window."
 
 270 Priend Perditus. 
 
 But I was disappointed in this. When 
 I reached Hart Street the hlinds were 
 pulled down and the gas lighted. It was a 
 satisfaction to me, however, to find the 
 street a very inferior one, and the houses 
 mean and unattractive. How diflPerent my 
 mother's surroundings sliould be before 
 another day had passed over her beloved 
 head I 
 
 At Hampstead the warmth of my recep- 
 tion nearly unmanned me, and I know, 
 despite my most earnest efforts, one or two 
 large drops ran down my cheeks when my 
 dear, honoured old friend, laying? her hands 
 on my shoulders, raised her lips to mine 
 and kissed me, murmuring — 
 
 *' God bless you, my dear, you will not 
 shun me now, will you ? May you be very 
 happy, Eriend. Your mother will be proud 
 of her son, T am sure of that." 
 
 As long as I live that evening will stand 
 out in my recollection as perhaps the most 
 perfectly happy I ever spent. Who has not 
 recognised the truth, that realisation seldom
 
 Friend Perditus. 271 
 
 if ever equals the joy of anticipatioa ? They 
 were all so good to me, so hearty and so 
 loving in their sympathy. A stranger enter- 
 ing that cosy, luxurious room, would have 
 imagined that to each person in it liad 
 happened some especial stroke of good 
 fortune, so radiant were the faces and so 
 entirely did they enter into the joy that 
 filled my breast. 
 
 How we talked, and how we wondered ! 
 And how sweetly Charlie's pretty Julia 
 smiled when she declared that mother was 
 actually blushing at Priend's flattery. 
 
 " Nay," I said, holding the kind old hand 
 in mine, " I could not flatter your mother ; 
 when I tell you that I hope mine will be 
 like her, I say what I mean, neither more 
 nor less." 
 
 " What, white hairs, stooping shoulders, 
 and all?" she murmured, with quite a 
 youthful flush in her pale, delicate cheeks. 
 
 " Everything. I would have her your 
 counterpart, if I could," I said warmly. 
 " I like to think of my mother as need-
 
 272 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 ing the support of my strength and 
 youth." 
 
 And so we talked, and my heart rejoiced 
 in the sunshine of their ready sympathy ; 
 and in my dreams that night I still heard 
 my old friend's farewell blessing.
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 How carefully I dressed myself the next 
 morning, and how horrified I was to see 
 that my wardrobe had fallen into a very 
 unsatisfactory condition. I was half all 
 hour before I could find a coat that would 
 suit me at all, and even then I was un- 
 comfortably aware that its seams were 
 certainly not innocent of shine. 
 
 " I'll pay a visit to the tailor's this after- 
 noon, that's quite certain," I murmured, 
 ''lam not afraid of my mother, she is not 
 likely to examine her son's clothes too 
 critically ; but, if there should be any young 
 people about, their eyes will be sharper, 
 and as the head of the family I should 
 
 VOL. I. T
 
 274 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 be sorry to forfeit their respect at the 
 outset." 
 
 I confided my uneasiness about my 
 costume to Charlie, but he did not seem 
 to think its deficiencies were observable. 
 
 " It may be, old fellow," he said, *' that 
 I am not a very good judge where you 
 are concerned. It seems to me, that so 
 far as clothes go, you are a thorough-paced 
 howler this morning; but then, you know, 
 you have been going about anything but 
 spick and span for the last six months." 
 
 I thought of young Harry Nesbit's 
 uncomplimentary remarks on the subject, 
 and rising from the breakfast -table I 
 walked to the sideboard and deliberately 
 scrutinised my appearance in its large 
 looking-glass. 
 
 " Well," I said at length, '' I do look 
 rather unkempt I must admit." 
 
 " Oh, you are splendid this morning, com- 
 paratively," was the somewhat provoking 
 reply. *' At any rate you have a good 
 healthy colour in your cheeks and some
 
 Priend Perditus. 275 
 
 life in your eyes. You have been an 
 awfully haggard, mournful-looking indi- 
 vidual lately." 
 
 " That's not much consolation, for I 
 don't like the look of myself even under 
 these improved circumstances," I continued. 
 " Can you suggest anything ? I want to 
 make as good an impression as I can." 
 
 '' Then I should ' to the barber's with 
 my beard,' if I were you/' replied Charlie. 
 '' It would be quite correct as it is if you 
 wanted to represent some Scandinavian 
 war-god, but it is a little eccentric, to say 
 the least, in our times and part of the 
 world." 
 
 In less than half an hour I was under 
 the hands of a hairdresser, who I desired 
 to make me everything that I ought to be 
 according to the present fashion. 
 
 Assidiously the man cut and clipped and 
 shaved, and, soothed by the operation, 
 taking no heed of what he was about, I 
 fell into a profound dreamy reverie, out of 
 which I .was aroused by his pulling the 
 t2
 
 276 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 wrapper from my shoulders, and acquainting 
 me with the fact that he had done what 
 he could, and hoped that I was satisfied. 
 
 Rather confused, for my mind had been 
 far distant, wandering in a paradise of 
 gentle loving thoughts, I rose, and walked 
 away. 
 
 ''Won't you look at yourself, sir?" said 
 the man in an injured tone. '' I think 
 the improvement is very marked." 
 
 Recalled to myself I went back to the 
 glass and lifted my eyes, then, with a shout 
 of surprise, I turned quickly round again. 
 
 " Where is he ? " I cried, looking in 
 astonishment about the large room, which 
 was empty save for the presence of the 
 hairdresser and myself. 
 
 " Who do you mean, sir?" asked the man, 
 shrinking a little as he read the fierce 
 excitement in my eyes. 
 
 "Why, that man who looked into the 
 glass just now with me. I recognised his 
 face distinctly. Where has he gone ? " 
 
 '^ There has been no one here, sir, within
 
 Priend Perditus. 277 
 
 the last ten minutes," replied the hair- 
 dresser, visibly alarmed, backing towards 
 the door. 
 
 " Nonsense," T said roughly. '' You 
 needn't attempt to deceive me, do you 
 suppose I haven't eyes in my head ? He 
 was looking at me, and I at him. Give me 
 my hat, I must follow him at once." 
 
 Rather shakily the man handed the hat 
 to me, but as I turned away, again on the 
 opposite side of the room the familiar face 
 caught my eye. 
 
 " Why, there he is ! " I cried, pointing 
 with my finger. ''Now will you tell me 
 there is no one there ? " 
 
 With a very white scared countenance 
 the man laid his trembling hand upon my arm. 
 
 '' Sir," he faltered, " you are acting, are 
 vou not ? You can't be in earnest." 
 
 Struck by the reality of his consternation, 
 I turned my eyes from the eager face that 
 was gazing so straii?ht into mine. 
 
 "Not in earnest," I repeated. "Why, 
 what do you mean ? "
 
 278 Priend Perditus. 
 
 " I mean, sir, that you are playing a 
 trick upon me. You must know as well 
 as I do that you and I are alone in this 
 room, and that you are looking at your- 
 self." 
 
 " Looking at myself ! " I echoed blankly. 
 
 "Why yes, sir," replied the man, with a 
 little nervous uneasy laugh, " of course you 
 are ; and I see what you are up to now, 
 though at the first moment T must say 
 you gave me a bit of a fright ; you did it 
 so uncommonly natural. Shaving your chin 
 and whiskers does make a lot of difference 
 in you ; I never saw a gentleman so much 
 altered by shaving, in fact. Oh, Lord, I 
 shall laugh over this for a long time ; you 
 took me in splendidly, sir, I'd back you 
 against any actor I've ever seen." 
 
 But though the fellow's tones grew more 
 confident as he proceeded, I could see that 
 his lips still twitched nervously, and that 
 he constantly glanced at the glass door 
 which separated us from the outer shop, as 
 if he were longing for some interruption
 
 Friend Perditus. 279 
 
 from that quarter ; nor were his fears at all 
 quieted when, removing my hat again, I sat 
 clown in front of one of the large mirrors, 
 and, leaning my elhows on the white 
 marble slab which contained the brushes 
 and combs and other hair-dressing para- 
 phernalia, studied my changed countenance 
 with the most intense curiosity and interest. 
 
 The sensation I experienced at that 
 moment was a most marvellous one, and 
 had my mind been less occupied than it 
 was, I fancy the shock of that recognition 
 would almost have unhinged me. It was 
 something so extraordinary to gaze at my- 
 self, to know that my eyes had rested on 
 that same countenance hundreds and hun- 
 dreds of times before, and yet not to have 
 one single association with it. 
 
 It was curious to me to notice, also, that 
 on this occasion this glimpse of the past, 
 though in itself more astonishing than 
 either of those that had preceded ii*^, did 
 not affect my physical condition in the 
 same way that my two previous flashes of
 
 280 Friend Perdittjs. 
 
 memory had done. My brain was excited, 
 naturally, but not in the same dizzy way 
 as at Winchester or in the Standard 
 Theatre. I had simply recognised the face, 
 and, having no notion that it was my own, 
 fancied that still another link between my- 
 self and the past had arisen in my path. 
 
 Perfectly regardless of the hairdresser's 
 fidgety coughs and anxious glances in my 
 direction, for half an hour I sat there 
 striving with all my might and main to 
 pierce the dark cloud that hung over me, 
 but in vain. At length the worried anxious 
 look in my own eyes recalled the old Prench 
 doctor's advice to me. 
 
 " Make no effort to recover your memory," 
 he had said. '' Every time you strain your 
 mental powers you retard your chance 
 of ultimate recovery. You cannot force 
 nature." 
 
 With a sigh I passed my hand over my 
 ruffled brow, and, gazing with pitying 
 kindness at my own wistful reflection, mur- 
 mured :
 
 Eriend Perditus. 281 
 
 '• Never mind, your mother will tell you 
 what you want to know. Why should you 
 worry yourself now ? Leave yourself in her 
 hands, and God's." 
 
 I rose again, and without a word to the 
 frightened man, who I am quite sure 
 imagined that I was thoroughly demented, 
 walked out of the shop and into the open 
 air. 
 
 It was a bright morning in March, but 
 there was a cold wind blowing, and, bereft 
 of my thick beard, I shivered chill ily. I 
 did not regret its loss, however, for ttie 
 familiarity of my aspect was a comfort to 
 me, and, though this was a minor con- 
 sideration on my own account, being 
 anxious to impress my mother favourably, 
 I could not help perceiving, with some satis- 
 faction, that the hairdresser's opinion of the 
 improvement effected in my appearance by 
 the removal of my voluminous hirsute 
 appendage, quite coincided with my own. 
 I was certainly far more presentable with- 
 out it.
 
 282 Priend Perditus. 
 
 As I entered Hart Street, Westminster, 
 I heard Bij? Ben proclaim in heavy, pon- 
 derous tones, that it still wanted half an 
 hour of the appointed time. I made up 
 my mind at once, however, that there was 
 no necessity for forcing myself to endure 
 the misery of walking up and down outside 
 the house until the actual moment arrived. 
 In all prohability my mother was at this 
 instant anxiously awaiting me, and although 
 it was not likely that her condition of 
 feverish im23atience equalled mine, still I 
 could scarcely doubt that she also was 
 longing for the meeting. 
 
 Resolutely schooling myself into some 
 show of calmness, for I felt it was absolutely 
 incumbent on me, for her sake, to support 
 my share of the trying interview with the 
 utmost composure I could summon to my 
 aid, I walked once up and down the entire 
 length of Hart Street, which, with its 
 swarms of untidy, screaming children, 
 looked even more forlorn and squalid in the
 
 Eriend Perditus. 283 
 
 bright sunlight than it had done the even- 
 ing before. 
 
 The thought that my mother was suffer- 
 ing day after day the discomfort of such 
 miserable sights and sounds so worked upon 
 my feelings that I had hard work to prevent 
 myself breaking into a run as I neared the 
 house a second time, so impatient was I to 
 rescue her from them, and remove her to a 
 spot more suited to the refinement of mind 
 which I was sure she must possess. 
 
 With a fluttering heart, and a tingling in 
 all my veins, I mounted the crumbling dirt^ 
 steps, and lifted my hand to the rusty, 
 loosely-hung knocker. 
 
 "Will she be alone," I muttered, as I 
 waited for admittance, " or will there be 
 others with her? Pray God she may be 
 alone. Oh that the next hour were come 
 and gone, and that I were sitting quietly 
 with her dear hand clasped in mine, reading 
 my complete forgiveness in her tender 
 eyes ! "
 
 284 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 After a very long delay the house door 
 was opened by a most wretched, wan-look- 
 ing little servant girl, whose dirty, torn 
 cotton frock was pinned across her chest, 
 and whose iinbrnshed, dusty hair had 
 escaped from its coarse net and hung down 
 lier back. 
 
 Altogether there was something so piti- 
 able and desolate about the appearance of 
 this forlorn little maid that I drew back a 
 step, and glanced instinctively at the 
 number of the house. Above the tumble- 
 down knocker, in almost obliterated letters, 
 were the figures 13. 
 
 *' Still," I thought, "there may be a 
 mistake, some people write their eights very 
 much the same as they do their threes. 
 However, I'd better ask." 
 
 "Is this Mrs. GuadelWs house?" I 
 inquired. 
 
 At once the child's white, unhealthy 
 cheek flushed, and a quick look of anxiety 
 came into her tired eyes. 
 
 '' It isn't her house, sir; but she rents the
 
 Eriend Perditus. 285 
 
 drawing-rooms frora missus," she answered, 
 and then went on, nervously screwing the 
 corner of her soiled apron round and round, 
 until she had twisted it into a hole, " Oh, 
 sir, please are you Mr. Perditus ? " 
 
 '' Yes," I answered, astonished and hor- 
 rified to find that this was in truth my poor 
 mother's home. 
 
 " But it's not twelve, sir. Mrs. Guadella 
 told me you was coming at twelve. Don't 
 say as how I kept you waiting so long, and 
 that I hadn't tidied myself up, please sir. 
 I've been at work since five o'clock this 
 morning, and I couldn't get through 
 quicker ; but Mrs. Guadella said I was to 
 be sure and get myself clean before twelve. 
 You won't tell her, sir, will you ? " 
 
 My heart rose in my throat in a hard 
 lump. Such utter misery as this I had 
 never come in contact with. 
 
 Thrusting my hand into my pocket I 
 drew out a handful of loose coins, and, 
 taking from the heap a half-sovereign, I 
 pressed it into the dirty, cold little hand.
 
 286 Friend Perditus. 
 
 A puzzled, half frightened expression came 
 into the girl's pinched face ; and then, 
 to my dismay, her shoulders and contracted 
 cJiest began to heave, while she clasped her 
 toil-worn hands together in a piteous effort 
 to control the emotion which my most un- 
 expected liberality had aroused. 
 
 She did not attempt to thank me, but 
 she looked at me with such an infini- 
 tude of gratitude in her forlorn eyes, that 
 I turned almost sick with sympathy — 
 sympathy with her and with my mother, 
 whose womanly heart had been wrung as 
 mine was being wrung now, God only 
 knew for how long. 
 
 " No wonder," I thought, as I mounted 
 the creaking uncarpeted stairs, " no wonder 
 she appointed a late hour for our meeting; 
 I can imagine she shrank from letting me 
 know the full extent of her necessity. Ah, 
 my mother, you thought to spare me this 
 self reproach. You know that I am rich, 
 and yet you would rather have suffered this 
 than have seemed to humble your dignity
 
 Priend Perditus. 287 
 
 hj appealing to your son through such a 
 miserable evidence as this poor child of 
 your need of assistance," 
 
 The narrow stairs were ill lighted, but the 
 apartment into which I was ushered ap- 
 peared at the first moment absolutely dark. 
 The atmosphere was, too, insufferably close, 
 stale tobacco and other odours mingling 
 together into an almost insupportable stuffi- 
 ness. 
 
 I waited an instant on the threshold, afraid 
 to advance ; I heard the rattling of curtain 
 rings along the pole, and then the girl 
 hurriedly drew up a dirty blind, leaving it 
 all askew, and let the light in upon the 
 most wretched room I had ever seen. 
 
 A horrible greasy drugget covered the 
 floor, a rickety table with a stained crumb- 
 strewn cloth occupied the centre of the 
 chamber, and the furniture, originally of the 
 commonest description, including the piano, 
 was positively falling to pieces with wear 
 and rough usage. 
 
 All this I took in at a glance, and then
 
 288 Friend Perditus. 
 
 pointing meaningly to some folding doors 
 which separated this from another room, 
 the girl whispered to me, 
 
 " I was just coming to sweep in here, 
 sir, but you won't seem to notice anything 
 amiss, will you, when Mrs. Guadella comes 
 in?" 
 
 I nodded, and immediately she left me 
 alone, and I heard her knock at an adjoin- 
 ing door, which I imagined was another 
 entrance into the apartment with which the 
 folding doors communicated. 
 
 At once my surmise proved to he correct. 
 A muffled tone came to me, and at the 
 sound I started, and my heart beat more 
 and more rapidly. Only that door divided 
 us now ; in a minute or two at the longest 
 I should see my mother, and then within 
 an hour she should leave this wretched 
 place. I would take her straight to an 
 hotel, and she should live there, until I 
 could provide a more comfortable home for 
 her. 
 
 Wracked with impatience, I strode up
 
 Priend Perditus. 289 
 
 and down the crowded room, examining 
 with great curiosity the heterogeneous 
 litter which cumbered chairs and sofa and 
 piano top. My disposition inclined towards 
 neatness and order naturally, although of 
 late I had become neglectful of appear- 
 ances, and my heart ached as I recog- 
 nised how terribly sordid mean surround- 
 ings influence the bent of the mind. How 
 much trouble my mother must have gone 
 through before she became acclimatised, as 
 it were, to this wretched state of dis- 
 comfort ! 
 
 An immense quantity of torn, soiled 
 music lay about, and on a side table near 
 to a sewing machine, and some bright 
 coloured scraps of silk, was a battered tray 
 thick with dust, on wliich stood a loaf of 
 bread, some forbidding-looking cheese and 
 butter, and a tumbler with the remains of 
 spirit and water in it, judging from the 
 faint sickly odour which pervaded that 
 corner of the room. 
 
 With a heavy heart pursuing my inves- 
 
 VOL. I. u
 
 290 1^'riend Perditus. 
 
 tigations, I came to a standstill at length 
 before a photograph of a young man in a 
 flannel cricketing suit, which stood on the 
 top of the piano in a faded plush frame. 
 At once I recognised myself. By the side 
 of the photo was a pair of very high-heeled 
 frayed crimson satin shoes. 
 
 " Evidently there is one sister, at least," 
 I murmured. " Well, she shall have a new 
 pair of slippers before her next dance, at 
 any rate." 
 
 I had lifted one of the shoes, when a 
 slight noise caused me to start and drop it. 
 Recovering my equilibrium after picking it 
 up, I heard a soft footstep pass along the 
 landing, and then the door opened. 
 
 At once all power of moving seemed to 
 forsake me, utterly helpless, unable even to 
 turn my head, panting and gasping I stood 
 waiting. 
 
 Nearer and nearer the footsteps came, 
 but still I did not move. I waited, while 
 my heart seemed almost to burst with 
 longing and with love.
 
 Priend Perditus. 291 
 
 At last a hand was laid upon my arm, 
 and a voice whispered softly in my ear — 
 
 " My son, you have come then at 
 last ? " 
 
 At the sound and touch I woke to life. 
 With a smothered cry I turned to her, and 
 blindly catching her in my arms, pressed 
 her tight agaiost my yearning heart. 
 
 Por one minute I stood so ; hearing 
 nothing, seeing nothing, knowing nothing, 
 but that my mother's heart beat against 
 mine, and that my loneliness had gone from 
 me for ever ! 
 
 But after a few seconds, during which I 
 lifted my soul in thankfulness to heaven, 
 I felt her quiver in my arms, and then 
 gently loosening my grasp, I put my hands 
 on her shoulders, and held her so that I 
 could look into her face. 
 
 Oh, God ! Even now my heart quails 
 at the recollection of that moment ! My 
 blood seemed to freeze in my veins as 
 with starting eyes I gazed on the counten- 
 ance of my mother, the mother for whom 
 u 2
 
 292 Priend Pehditus. 
 
 I had longed with such an intensity of 
 wistful affection. 
 
 I knew the face. Even at that terrible 
 instant I remembered where I had seen it 
 before, and my soul sickened within me and 
 my heart died in my breast. 
 
 With a groan I released her from my 
 grasp, and then step by step I retreated 
 from her until at last I was stopped by the 
 wall. 
 
 She did not speak, she did not move, she 
 only looked at me with her hard, glittering 
 eyes. 
 
 " Merciful God ! " I cried with an in- 
 voluntary shudder, '' it is she ! " 
 
 And then, utterly unable to control my 
 emotion under the shock of this sudden 
 and awful discovery, I covered my eyes 
 with my trembling hands, and broke into 
 irrepressible moans and sobs of agonised 
 disappointment. 
 
 There was the cruel, corpse-like face, and 
 the coarse, blue-black hair, there were the 
 bloodshot eyes and heavy brows, and there
 
 Eriend Perditus. 293 
 
 were the livid purple lips and brutal jaw of 
 the terrible woman I had seen in the Opera 
 House in Paris. 
 
 And this, this was my mother ! The 
 tender, fragile, white-haired mother of my 
 dreams, for whom my yearning heart had 
 hungered !
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 How long I stood there utterly stunned by 
 the magnitude of my misfortune, and more 
 miserable than words can tell, I know not. 
 It may have been only a minute, it may 
 have been half an hour, before my mother's 
 voice recalled me to a sense of the absolute 
 duty that lay upon me of endeavouring, at 
 least, to make the best of my most distress- 
 ing situation. 
 
 (c rjy^j ^Q compose yourself, my son," she 
 said, in harsh, grating tones. '' I can well 
 understand that the sight of my face over- 
 whelms you at the first moment with a 
 sense of your own shortcomings. If one 
 possesses a conscience it is difficult to
 
 Priend Peeditus. 295 
 
 look upon those we have injured with com- 
 posure." 
 
 I took my hands from my face, and gazed 
 hopelessly at her. 
 
 She was clad in an emhroidered silk 
 dressing-gown, which had heen once of 
 some bright colour, but was now so dis- 
 figured by stains that it's original hue 
 became quite a matter of conjecture. She 
 was seated by this time in the one arm- 
 chair the room contained, with her finely- 
 formed white hands clasped in her lap, and 
 her small feet, which were thrust into v^ry 
 trodden-down satin slippers similar to those 
 which had arrested my attention before her 
 entry, were crossed and stretched out in 
 front of her, so as to show a considerable 
 portion of a rather peculiarly symmetrical 
 ankle, considering the large proportions and 
 cumbrous build of her figure. 
 
 Altogether a less dignified aspect than 
 my mother presented at that moment it 
 would be impossible to imagine, and it cost 
 me a hard struggle to overcome the repug-
 
 296 Eriend Perditus. 
 
 nance she inspired in me sufGLciently to 
 keep my eyes upon her, as I repeated, in 
 faltering tones : 
 
 "Those we have injured? Have I then 
 injured you — mother ? " 
 
 Ah, me, the effort it cost me to speak 
 the word — the sacred word that I had re- 
 hearsed again and again with such tender 
 rapture ! Now it seemed to mock me so 
 cruelly, oh, so cruelly and bitterly ! 
 
 Slie gazed at me a moment with a calcu- 
 lating, almost furtive, look in her shadow- 
 less eyes. 
 
 " Do you then forget so absolutely and 
 completely, my son ? " she asked. 
 '' Yes, absolutely and completely." 
 " But did mv face recall nothinoj to 
 you?" she continued earnestly. "You 
 appeared to recognise me at first, I 
 thought." 
 
 " I have seen you once before," I mur- 
 mured, " but only once, so far as I recollect." 
 '• And where was that ? " she inquired 
 eagerly.
 
 Priend Perditus. 297 
 
 "At the Grand Opera House in Paris, 
 three years ago." 
 
 " But I did not see you ! " she cried. 
 
 "I suppose not," I said, "or this meet- 
 ing would have taken place earlier." 
 
 "And so you looked at your mother and 
 did not know her," she went on, with a 
 sinister smile of satisfaction upon her lips. 
 "It is a sad story, and a strange one ; but 
 on some accounts you may be thankful for 
 your loss of memory, my son. The future 
 is before you, and a bright one, I hope. 
 The past is dark, in any case. P^o not seek 
 to drag it from the grave where it lies 
 buried." 
 
 There was an ominous ring in her voice 
 that sent a chilly shiver through me. 
 
 " But this injury," I faltered, advancing 
 nearer to her ; " is it irreparable — cannot 
 I make atonement now ? " 
 
 She leant her heavy chin upon her folded 
 hands, and shook her head slowly. 
 
 " The wrong has been done," she said, 
 "and no atonement can undo the injury
 
 298 Teiend Perditus. 
 
 of these five years of anxiety and poverty. 
 I am no longer a young woman, and five 
 years of hard huffeting with the world has 
 aged me lamentably." 
 
 I looked round the wretched room, and 
 my heart smote me with a dull sense of 
 remorse for the fault of which I was still 
 ignorant. 
 
 "What did I do?" I cried; "tell me 
 that, at least. How am I responsible for 
 this miserable state of things ? " 
 
 " Ah, it seems so wretched to you, then, 
 does it ? I don't notice it much now. You 
 ask me what you did. This much I will tell 
 you. I was dependent on you ; I and one 
 other — your young brother Lucieu: You 
 deserted us, and left us to fight the world 
 alone." 
 
 "But," I cried, in great distress; "why, 
 why did I do this ? There must have been 
 some reason." 
 
 ^^ You had your own reasons, doubtless," 
 she continued coldly, " but you did not 
 explain them to me ; in fact you were never
 
 Friend Perdittjs. 299 
 
 a tender son. It is sufficient that you left 
 us. Now ask me no more, T am willing that 
 the past should be forgotten if you are. I 
 wanted to see you once more, a mother's 
 love is very enduring. I wished to tell you 
 that I forgave you freely, and that not one 
 angry thought remained in my heart to- 
 wards you. I longed to kiss you, and to 
 bless you once again. I thought in after 
 life it might be a comfort to you to know 
 that, notwithstanding your coldness, your 
 mother never ceased to care for you." 
 
 I could not complain of the words, or of 
 the tone exactly ; but the manner was 
 forced and unnatural, and there was no 
 tenderness in the glance which rested on 
 me. 
 
 She rose, and taking my cold hand in her 
 burning fingers, pressed her lips to my 
 cheek. 
 
 Heaven knows I tried to hide the aversion 
 that I felt, but, as her livid icy lips touched 
 my face, an uncontrollable shudder shook me 
 from head to foot, and I shrank away from
 
 800 Priend Perditus. 
 
 her as if I had received a sting rather than 
 a caress. 
 
 The next instant ray white face flushed 
 crimson. I knew she conld not fail to have 
 noticed the involuntary repugnance with 
 which I had drawn away, and I was bitterly 
 ashamed of the cruel insult I had offered 
 her. 
 
 Pleadingly and deprecatingly I lifted ray 
 eyes to hers. Por a moraent she glared at 
 me with positively wolfish fierceness, and 
 then, shrugging her shoulders, slie broke 
 into a harsh, discordant laugh. 
 
 '^ Why, you are blushing ; at thirty-one 
 years of age you are shy, and of your raother, 
 too," she said. " Well, never mind ; since 
 you are so very sensitive, I shall not trouble 
 you with many endearments, don't be afraid. 
 Come now, sit down and tell me of yourself, 
 what you are doing, whether you are mar- 
 ried, and all about it." 
 
 This awoke in my breast a faint sensation 
 of relief. Heaven be thanked I was not 
 married ; my burden was heavy enough to
 
 Priend Perditus. 301 
 
 bear as it was ; but it would have been 
 doubly terrible if, by any chance, I had had 
 to introduce, to such a girl as Charlie's 
 love for instance, a mother like this. 
 
 I told her all she desired to know, and my 
 heart ached more bitterly still as I perceived 
 the covetous glitter in her eyes with which 
 she received the news of my wealth. I was, 
 therefore, greatly surprised when, at the 
 end of my recital, she rose again, and said, 
 with so cool an air of indifference that I was 
 fairly staggered — 
 
 " You are doing well in the world theH, 
 and you are happy ? So be it. I don't 
 want to interfere with you. I thought pos- 
 sibly that as you grew older you might have 
 become more kindly in your feelings towards 
 me ; but you never cared for me, even as a 
 boy ; and so it will be to the end, I suppose. 
 Well, I don't complain, I have one child to 
 love me, and I must content myself with 
 that. Now, good-bye ; I shall not trouble 
 you again, be sure of that." 
 
 She held out her hand, but there was a
 
 302 Priend Pekditus. 
 
 curious, anxious look in her eyes which 
 belied her words and action. 
 
 " No," I said, shaking my head sadly, 
 *' we cannot part like this. It is my mis- 
 fortune that my heart is so hard and cold. 
 I will not pretend an affection that I do not 
 feel, but I wish to do right, and to earn 
 your forgiveness for my cruel neglect. 
 Mother, I cannot show vou the tenderness 
 you have a right to expect from me, but I 
 will do all that lies in my power to make 
 you forget the past, and to render your 
 future a happy one." 
 
 She turned on me eagerlj^ and seized my 
 band in an iron grasp. 
 
 " What do you mean ? " she cried. '' Let 
 there be plain speaking between us at any 
 rate, if there is to be no show of affection." 
 
 ''I mean," I said, "that your days of 
 poverty are over. I am a rich man, and if 
 you will share my wealth you shall, to the 
 uttermost farthing." 
 
 She strove in vain to conceal the gleam 
 of triumph which shone in her eyes, but her
 
 EiiiEND Perditus. 303 
 
 white fingers clasped mine more tightly, 
 and leaning towards me her hot breath 
 fanned my cheeks, as she hissed through her 
 teeth — 
 
 " Take care, take care, my son, what you 
 promise, for I shall not let you go back 
 from your word when once I have accepted 
 it. Remember this, if you take me from 
 my present calling now, I cannot return to 
 it. I am a public singer ; when you left me 
 I was forced to make use of the musical 
 talent I possessed. Pive years ago my voice 
 was not what it had been, and age anti 
 trouble have not improved it since. If I 
 break my career now, I cannot take it up 
 again, and though the calling is a poor one 
 and not a very respectable one, perhaps, for 
 1 am not a high class concert singer, I have 
 made bread and cheese and — brandy — by 
 it." 
 
 Again I shuddered, there was something 
 so infinitely repulsive and suggestive about 
 the way she spoke these last words, and it 
 seemed as if she took a cruel delight in
 
 304 PuiEND Perditus. 
 
 shocking and wounding me, for she laughed 
 once more as she perceived my distress. 
 
 "Don't be afraid," she said, "my means 
 have not allowed of my indulging freely in 
 any sort of extravagance ; but now tell me, 
 are you willing to undertake the responsi- 
 bility of my future and that of your brother, 
 from whom I cannot be separated ? " 
 
 I bowed my head ; I felt my duty an 
 overwhelmingly hard one, but how could I 
 shirk it ? 
 
 " Give me your hand then," she said, 
 " and swear to me that you will be faithful 
 to your trust." 
 
 " I swear it," I murmured, and thus the 
 strange compact was sealed between mother 
 and son. 
 
 An hour later I rose to take mv leave, 
 having learnt all that my mother would tell 
 me of my previous history. In the after- 
 noon I was to return after having secured 
 rooms for her at the Alexandra Hotel, then 
 paying all arrears of debt that she might 
 have, I was to convey her to her new home
 
 PiiiEND Perditus. 305 
 
 until I had one of my own to which to 
 welcome her. 
 
 It was my mother's own suggestion that I 
 should take up my abode with her. At first I 
 resisted, but ultimately I gave way ; Charlie 
 would marry soon, I knew, and then he 
 would not want me ; moreover, if she wished 
 it, it had better be so; wherever I was, I 
 could not hope to be anything but unhappy, 
 but the consciousness of doing my duty 
 towards her, as far as possible, might make 
 life more endurable to me than it would be 
 if I thwarted so reasonable a desire on Ker 
 part. 
 
 I learnt from what my mother said that 
 she was a Mexican by birth, but that my 
 father, who died when I was an infant, was 
 an Englishman, and personally much like 
 me ; the name of my father, however, she 
 would not tell me. 
 
 '' No," she said, " it is useless your 
 asking me ; I will not tell you that now, at 
 any rate ; possibly the time may come when 
 I shall see fit to do so. Por the present you 
 
 VOL. I. X
 
 306 Eriend Pehditus. 
 
 can remain Priend Perditus, and you can be 
 supposed to be, as you really are, my son 
 by a former marriage, and half brother to 
 Lucien Guadella, who is five years younger 
 than you are, and whose father died as 
 yours did, when he was still a very young 
 child.'*' 
 
 No prayers on my part would move her 
 from this, nor would she tell me from what 
 source she had gained her knowledge of my 
 name, place of abode, and present strange 
 mental condition ; therefore I had to con- 
 tent myself, as best I could, with the 
 information that I was born before my 
 mother attained her seventeenth year, and 
 that I was now thirty-one years of age. 
 
 My youth had been passed, as I sus- 
 pected, in India. I was educated in 
 Calcutta, and on attaining the age of 
 eighteen had entered one of the leading 
 banks, and then, although I was in receipt 
 of an excellent salary, and was almost the 
 entire support of my mother and brother, I 
 had suddenly, in some unaccountable freak.
 
 Priend PepvDitus. 307 
 
 left my post and shirked my responsi- 
 bilities. 
 
 Of the five years that intervened between 
 that time and the present, with regard to 
 myself my mother could tell me nothing, 
 nor would she satisfy me at all completely 
 as to the manner in which she had contrived 
 to keep herself and Lucien, who, it seemed, 
 lost his engagement as junior clerk at the 
 bank through my mysterious departure. 
 
 Baffled and dazed I bade her farewell 
 for the present, and had reached the door 
 when I heard a quick light step ascending 
 the stairs. At once my mother laid her 
 hand on my arm to detain me. 
 
 "It is your brother," she said. " I am 
 glad he is come." 
 
 I looked eagerly towards the door, 
 perhaps in my young brother I might 
 still find an object upon whom to bestow 
 the pent up affections that swelled in my 
 heart ; but when the door opened I knew that 
 that hope also was a vain one, for in Lucien 
 Guadella I recognised the mysterious evil- 
 
 x2
 
 308 EniEND Perditus. 
 
 looking young man I had encountered two 
 evenings before, and who had questioned 
 Harry Nesbit so closely concerning me. 
 
 Terribly ill at ease, for a minute we stood 
 speechlessly gazing at each other, and then 
 our mother interrupted the heavy silence. 
 
 " Priend," she said sternly, " take your 
 brother's hand. It is right and just that 
 you make the first advance towards him, 
 for by your inconsiderate act five years ago 
 you ruined his fair prospects in his native 
 land." 
 
 " Come, Lucien, my boy," she continued, 
 going to him and speaking so tenderly that 
 I started with surprise. '' Come, we agreed 
 that bygones should be bygones. Your 
 brother is disposed to act generously 
 towards us now, and therefore our griev- 
 ances against him must be forgotten." 
 
 With an effort I stepped towards him 
 and stretched out my hand ; with some 
 hesitation he placed his in it, but he did 
 not seem able to meet my eyes, and his lips 
 twitched under his small black moustache.
 
 Priend Perditus. 309 
 
 There was something cowardly and 
 secretive in the whole aspect of the man, 
 and, cruelly mortified as I was, my spirit 
 seemed to rise against humbling myself 
 before him. 
 
 " Brother," I said, " I am told that you 
 have suffered through my fault. Well, 
 in the future I will pay the debt I owe 
 you. I should be glad to be friends with 
 one who is so closely connected with me, 
 but I am afraid that you and I are not 
 of the same way of thinking. It would 
 have been more manly and open of you to 
 have accosted me when we met the other 
 night. Surely you might have gained the 
 information you wanted from me instead of 
 worming it out of my friend." 
 
 He started and stole a furtive glance 
 at me, lowering his eyes immediately after- 
 wards. 
 
 " What do you mean ? " he muttered, 
 dropping my hand. 
 
 " That I overheard your conversation 
 with Harry Nesbit in the train. I was in
 
 310 Priend Perditus. 
 
 the adjoining carriage. Why did you avoid 
 me ? And, mother, why did you conceal 
 from me that it was through my brother 
 you had discovered me ? " 
 
 Por an instant neither of them spoke, 
 and Lucien's pale face grew paler still, but 
 after a minute's pause our mother answered 
 me — 
 
 "Priend," she said, in a defiant hard 
 tone, " you have no right to question us 
 or our actions. If your brother shrank 
 from speaking to you it was natural under 
 the circumstances. He knew nothing of 
 your peculiar condition, and believed that 
 you had behaved towards us with the 
 utmost cruelty and selfishness. He was 
 not even sure that I would receive you 
 after all these years, and he did right not 
 to accost you without my permission." 
 
 But though her voice rang out bravely 
 she did not seem to be able to instill one 
 spark of animation or courage into her 
 son ; shading his eyes, with a hand that I 
 observed trembled strongly despite his eff'orts 
 to keep it steady, he sat down at the table
 
 Priend Pehditus. 311 
 
 with his back towards me, nor when I 
 finally left the room did he tm^n his head 
 in my direction. 
 
 My brain was in a horrible state of 
 confusioD, and I had reached the street 
 door before I recollected that I had not 
 impressed upon my mother the hour at 
 which I should return to conduct her to 
 the hotel. 
 
 Slowly and languidly I mounted the 
 stairs once more, and was about to re-enter 
 the room when my footsteps were arrested 
 by a sort of sobbing cry from my mother. 
 
 '' Oh Lucien, Lucien, my darling ! " she 
 cried, " don't say that. You know nothing 
 will ever come between my heart and you. 
 It is for you that I have done this ; that 
 you might be rich and prosperous. As for 
 him, you need not be afraid ; he is a fine 
 man, and one that a mother might well be 
 proud of, but you know what my feelings 
 always were towards him. Surely you must 
 recollect what gall and wormwood it was 
 to me to hear him praised by everyone 
 while you were slighted. No, Lucien, you
 
 312 Pkiend Pehdittjs. 
 
 have no cause for jealousy, my darling; I 
 hate him now as I hated him five years ago." 
 
 With a deadly faintness upon me I 
 turned away, and clinging to the handrail, 
 stumbled down the steep stairs and gained 
 the street and the outer air. 
 
 Charlie was at the window watching for 
 my return, and before I had mounted the 
 steps the door was opened, and I heard his 
 cheery 
 
 " Well, well, dear boy, how is it withyou?" 
 
 I raised my head, but a strange confusing 
 mist seemed to float before my eyes. Half 
 blinded as I was, however, I saw the quick 
 change in his anxious face. 
 
 " Great Heavens ! " he cried, catching 
 me by the arm. '' What is it, Priend ? " 
 
 With his help I staggered into the dining 
 room, but my tongue was paralysed, I could 
 not speak. One or two inarticulate efforts 
 I made, and then with a desolate cry that 
 rings in my ears still, I fell upon the floor 
 at his feet.
 
 CHAPTER XY. 
 
 My faint was not an obstinate one ; in fact 
 I believe I only lost consciousness for a few 
 minutes, but my first awakening sensations 
 w^ere those of such cruel mental distress 
 that in my misery I flung my arms round 
 the neck of my good friend, who, full of 
 pity, knelt by the sofa on which he had 
 placed me, and leaning my head on his 
 shoulder, moaned out 
 
 "Oh, Charlie, Charlie, why recall me to 
 life a2:ain ? It would have been better to 
 let me die. Oh, my friend, on God's earth 
 there does not exist so miserable a man 
 as I." 
 
 He asked me no questions until he saw 
 that I was calm enough to speak ; but he
 
 314 Priend Perditus. 
 
 sat down quietly by my side and took my 
 hand in his. 
 
 Charlie denies it, but whether he is con- 
 scious of it or not — or, I should rather say, 
 though he is unconscious of it, for Charlie 
 is absolute truth in word and deed per- 
 sonified — I am certain that he must possess 
 some mesmeric influence over me ; and I 
 have an impression that when he holds 
 my hand, and looks into my eyes, he is 
 at that moment absolute master over my 
 thoughts and actions. Any way, I know 
 that his power to sooth me even under the 
 strongest excitement has never failed, and 
 never did I recognise this particular in- 
 fluence more vividly than on this momen- 
 tous afternoon. 
 
 In ten minutes I was able to give bim 
 a clear and succinct description of my visit 
 to Hart Street, and my meeting with my 
 mother. He sympathised with my dis- 
 appointment heartily and sincerely, but I 
 perceived that my mother's identity with 
 the person we had seen at the opera was
 
 Priend Pehditus. 315 
 
 not so startling a discovery to liim as it had 
 been to me, and it was a relief to me to find 
 that our opinions were not entirely one on 
 this subject. He remembered the lady, he 
 said, very well, but he recollected also that 
 at the time he thought my objection to 
 her appearance was a slightly exaggerated 
 one. 
 
 I did not attempt to argue against this. 
 Heaven knows if he could have won me 
 over to his way of thinking I should have 
 been thankful. 
 
 '' I am sorry, dear old boy," he said at 
 last, '^ that Mrs. Guadella turns out to be 
 so different to what you hoped and expected, 
 l3ut many a man would alter the pattern 
 of his mother a bit if he could. And my 
 advice to you is^ don't fret and worry more 
 than you can help; make the best of it. 
 I believe your mother must have her good 
 side. "Well, then, let it be your business 
 in ]iie to find out that good side." 
 
 ''But, Charlie," I faltered, ^^ she hates 
 me ; I heard her say so."
 
 316 Priend Perditus. 
 
 '^ As for that, Priend," he said, rising, 
 and pacing the room slowly, '' I must tell 
 you I don't attach much importance to 
 that observation. These southern races 
 express themselves very strongly without 
 always meaning what they say. I should 
 imagine your mother was greatly incensed 
 with you at the time you left India, and 
 very likely, from her point of view, justly 
 incensed, and that now she keeps up this 
 show of anger to quiet the jealous fears of 
 your brother, who must have detected some 
 sign of affection in her towards you to have 
 called for such a reply. I should forget 
 I had heard that if I were you, Priend,^ 
 I don't believe that she feels any such 
 sentiment Avhere you are concerned." 
 
 His object was to comfort me, and he 
 succeeded to some extent. Things now did 
 not look quite so hopeless as they had done 
 half an hour before. I rose from the sofa, 
 feeling somewhat w^eak and dizzy, but other- 
 wise myself again.
 
 Priend Perditus. 317 
 
 '' By-tlie-bye, Priend," Charlie said sud- 
 denly, " how about the young lady ? " 
 
 "There is no young lady," I answered, 
 remembering with a sigh the thoughts of 
 the possible sister that the sight of the torn 
 satin shoe had given rise to. 
 
 " Ah, then I suppose she must have been 
 only an acquaintance," continued Charlie. 
 " I was almost hoping otherwise, for you 
 seemed very much fetched, I fancied, at 
 the Opera. Don't you remember we came 
 near to our first quarrel on the subject ? " 
 
 With a start I grasped his meaning. 
 
 " Good Heavens ! " I cried, '' I never 
 thought of her ! " Charlie looked at me 
 somewhat incredulously, and I continued 
 hotly — 
 
 '' I declare to you, Charles Hall, that the 
 recognition of my mother so entirely over- 
 whelmed me that there was room in my 
 mind for no other thought. Surely you'll 
 believe me on my word." 
 
 " Come, come, Priend," lie said gravely,
 
 318 Emend Perdittjs. 
 
 '^ this young girl is rather a red rag hetween 
 you and me. Of course I helieve you, my 
 boy, and between ourselves I am not 
 particularly sorry that the great impression 
 that she made upon you at the time should 
 have worn off to some extent. Julia and 
 I are on the look out in your interests, 
 Priend, and I assure you we are going to 
 be very hard to please." 
 
 I made no reply. I did not think it 
 necessary to inform him that by recalling 
 this young girl to my mind he had done 
 me the greatest possible service, and that 
 whereas ten minutes before the duty of 
 returning to fetch my mother from her 
 poor lodgings had been an almost insuffer- 
 able one, now I actually longed for four 
 o'clock to arrive, that I might question 
 her on this most intensely interesting 
 subject. 
 
 Three years had passed since I lost sight 
 of the sweet childish face that sunny morn- 
 ing in early April. In that time how much 
 I had altered, and she, why she would be
 
 Peiend Peuditus. 319 
 
 changed past recognitioiij between a girl of 
 seventeen and a woman of twenty there is 
 a wide difference. 
 
 Charlie did not say anything, but I 
 noticed that he had to struggle hard to 
 suppress a meaning smile, when I handed 
 my plate for a second help at lunch, with 
 the careless remark that after all my 
 temporary attack did not seem to liave 
 affected my health to any extent. 
 
 I started out to fetcli my mother in better 
 spirits than I could have believed possible, 
 but when I reached Hart Street things were 
 in such a terrible state of confusion that my 
 comparative ease of mind was banished at once. 
 
 My mother, dressed in a long trailing 
 red silk gown, with her face thickly 
 powdered, and her heavy black eyebrows 
 rendered heavier and blacker still by some 
 meretricious and unnatural means, looked 
 almost more forbidding than she had done 
 in the morning. She was also in a con- 
 dition of such wild triumphant excitement 
 that I own she terrified me.
 
 320 Pkiend Pehditus. 
 
 Walking up and down the room, she 
 laughed and gesticulated until my blood ran 
 cold in my veins, while the poor scared 
 little servant, with the traces of tears still 
 wet upon her cheeks, ran ceaselessly to and 
 fro, trying in vain to execute her incompre- 
 hensible orders. 
 
 Fov a time I remained looking quietly on, 
 feeling thankful that my mother was too 
 fully occupied to converse with me, or to 
 notice my increased embarrassment at her 
 appearance, but presently an incident oc- 
 curred which roused me out of myself. 
 
 The little servant was carrying into the 
 room a dressing-case, which must have been 
 very heavy, for suddenly the strap broke, 
 the box fell to the ground, and, the lock 
 giving way, its contents — sham jewellery, 
 and theatrical cosmetics and powders, rolled 
 in every direction. 
 
 In a paroxysm of ungovernable fury, my 
 mother rushed at the offending child, and, 
 to my unspeakable dismay, clutching her 
 tightly by each shoulder, first shook her so
 
 Priend Perditus. 321 
 
 violently that her head swayed backwards 
 and forwards in a manner sickening to be- 
 hold, and then finished by administering so 
 hearty a box on the ears, that my own 
 tingled in sympathy. 
 
 '^ You little careless wretch ! " she 
 shrieked. 
 
 But ere she could lift her heavy hand 
 again, I had snatched the girl from 
 her. 
 
 " Mother ! " I cried, '' what are you 
 doing ? Por heaven's sake " 
 
 My mother retreated a step, and there was 
 a lurid red gleam in her eyes as she glared 
 at me. In a minute or so, however, she 
 recovered her composure, and then with a 
 shrug of the shoulders and rather a nervous 
 laugh, she turned away, and began picking 
 up her scattered treasures. 
 
 " I am sorry I shocked you, my son," she 
 said sneeringly; ''we Mexicans have hot 
 tempers, and when our bloods are up wb 
 don't stop to think. Here, lend me half-a- 
 crown, will you? I haven't any change." 
 
 VOL. I. Y
 
 322 Pkiend Perdii^s. 
 
 As I handed her the coin I tried to soften 
 the harshness of my judgment upon her. 
 
 " Poor thing," I thought, '' she may not 
 have been like this always. Poverty and 
 trouble have probably soured her and 
 brought her worst traits into prominence. 
 Well, if so, they reflect on me ; for, for her 
 poverty at least, I must hold myself respon- 
 sible." 
 
 These reflections were interrupted by my 
 mother's advancing towards the girl, who, 
 vriping her streaming eyes with her apron, 
 stood cowering and sobbing by my side. 
 
 ''There," said she, flinging the half-crown 
 down upon the floor, " pick that up, you 
 little fool, and leave off whimpering and 
 howling. Come, I can't w^aste any more 
 time, help to get these things together. We 
 have kept my son's carriage waiting too 
 long already." 
 
 Charlie had lent me his brougham to do 
 my mother honour, and this, as well as a cab 
 for the luggage, stood at the door. 
 
 But the long-suffering patient little worm
 
 Priend Perditus. 323 
 
 turned at last. With sparkling eyes and 
 crimson cheeks the small maid, in her im- 
 potent fury, actually spat upon the coin 
 before she ground it under her heel, and 
 then, raising her grimy hand, she pointed at 
 my mother. 
 
 '* I don't want your money," she cried ; 
 '' I wouldn't take it if I was starving. I hate 
 you, you are no lady, you're not ; no, and 
 you are no woman ! You've got a stone 
 instead of a heart. If that gentleman had lost 
 you, it's the worst day that ever happened 
 to him when he found you again. I shall 
 sing hallelujah when I see your hack ; hut 
 he'd better go and drown himself in the 
 river yonder than take you home to live 
 with him." 
 
 With th'it she rushed out of the room, 
 and no entreaties on my part would prevail 
 on either her or the landlady of the house 
 to give us any further assistance. The 
 woman, in fact, who seemed to have a 
 positive detestation of my mother, was in- 
 clined for once to do battle on her miserable 
 y2
 
 324 Priend Perditus. 
 
 little slavey's account, and actually threat- 
 ened a prosecution for assault. However, 
 by means of a five pound note I managed 
 to avert this misery, and then, after paying 
 my mother's bills, I called in a man from 
 the street, and between us we loaded the 
 top of the cab. 
 
 I waited until my mother was seated in 
 the brougham, and then, desiring the coach- 
 man to drive to the Alexandra Hotel, 
 stepped in and took my place by her side. 
 Immediately she lowered the window next 
 to her, and, putting her head out, looked up 
 and down the miserable street, with its dirty 
 pavement and crowds of screaming children. 
 
 '' Good-bye," she muttered, with a malevo- 
 lent gleam in her eyes, shaking her clenched 
 fist at the frightened little ones ; '' Good- 
 bye for ever ! If a bolt from Heaven could 
 fall upon the place and destroy it utterly, and 
 every man and woman and wretched child 
 living in it, I should have my heart's 
 desire." 
 
 She settled herself comfortably after this,
 
 Priend Perditus. 325 
 
 and then, looking into my dismayed coun- 
 tenance, once more she broke into a harsh, 
 discordant laugh. 
 
 " I have shocked you again, my son, have 
 I ? Well, the sooner you get to understand 
 me the better. I am not a humbug, at any 
 rate." 
 
 I had known my mother for two short 
 hours only, but I already perceived this 
 peculiarity in her. She prided herself upon 
 her plainness of speaking, and, the meaner 
 and more cruel the sentiment, apparently 
 the greater satisfaction she had in express- 
 ing it. She had no reverence or respect for 
 anything in creation, and for a man or 
 woman to attempt to rise beyond the 
 general level was sufficient to stigmatise 
 them in her eyes as the most contemptible 
 of hypocrites. 
 
 My mother gave a sigh of satisfaction as 
 she glanced round the private sitting-room 
 that I had secured for her in the Alexandra 
 Hotel. The apartment overlooked the park, 
 which was at that time thronged with
 
 326 Friend Peuditus. 
 
 fashionable gaily-dressed people. The tea 
 equipage was on the table, and in every 
 respect, with its cheery outlook and com- 
 fortable furniture, the room offered a very 
 delightful contrast to the one she had just 
 left. 
 
 " Where is Lucien ? " I inquired, as, 
 having tossed her bonnet and mantle on 
 to the sofa, she seated herself before the 
 tea-tray. 
 
 " Gone to his tailor's," she replied. 
 " Poor boy, he was awfully shabby ; I 
 couldn't bear to look at him, for he is a 
 handsome fellow when he's well dressed. 
 He's not your equal in that respect, Priend. 
 He pays for dress, and I don't believe you 
 do." 
 
 " Is that complimentary or the reverse ? " 
 I asked, forcing a smile. 
 
 " Why, complimentary, of course. But 
 I warn you, you must not expect many 
 such pleasant speeches from me. Lucien 
 is the most jealous creature in existence, 
 and I love him too well to hurt his feeb
 
 Eriend Peeditus. 327 
 
 ings. If he tliouglit you would ever have 
 an equal place in my heart I wouldn't 
 answer for the consequences, therefore you 
 must not always accept my manner as a 
 true expression of my feelings where you 
 are concerned. '* 
 
 At once I became aware that she knew 
 I ]:ad overheard her acknowledgment of 
 hatred for me. I wondered I had not 
 thought of this before, as the noise I 
 made in stumbling down the uncarpeted 
 stairs, could not have failed to attract their 
 attention. 
 
 I was not sure whether she spoke with 
 sincerity, but I was rather inclined to 
 believe that she did. Moreover, what she 
 hinted now quite tallied with Charlie's view 
 of the subject, and I could not help feeling 
 somewhat comforted, for it had seemed so 
 horrible to have the prospect of living 
 under the same roof with one who had 
 herself admitted that I was an object of 
 hatred to her, specially when that one was 
 my mother, towards whom, notwithstanding
 
 328 Priend Perditus. 
 
 the personal repulsion I felt for her, I 
 intended to act so crenerouslv. 
 
 I imagine that the gloom of my counte- 
 nance must have lifted to some extent, for 
 my mother's tone grew more cheerful and 
 confident as she proceeded : 
 
 '' Priend, Lucien has not the wherewithal 
 to pay his tailor, you know." 
 
 '' That doesn't matter," I answered 
 promptly, '' I shall settle an income on 
 him at once ; we will have a chat ahout 
 that to-morrow. What's his profession, 
 mother?" 
 
 " He has no regular profession," she 
 replied. " Eor the last five years he has 
 tried to earn a living in bye ways connected 
 with music. He was business manager for 
 a touring music hall company with whom I 
 sang for a couple of seasons." 
 
 I winced perceptibly, and again my 
 mother's sardonic smile appeared upon her 
 lips. 
 
 " He must give up that life at once," I 
 said impetuously ; *' it is horrible to me
 
 Priend Pehditus. 329 
 
 that either of yoa should ever have been 
 connected with it. Lucien must find some 
 more worthy style of occupation." 
 
 My mother rose from the tea-table, and, 
 throwing herself into a luxurious easy 
 chair, stretched her crossed feet out in 
 front of her as she had done in the morn- 
 ing. 
 
 I soon discovered that this was her 
 favourite attitude, and very much it discon- 
 certed me often to see her lolling thus among 
 a group of dignified matrons, who showed 
 no more than tlie tips of their shoes, while 
 my mother's ankles were freely exposed 
 for admiration". 
 
 '• I don't suppose," she began languidly, 
 " that you will have any difficulty in per- 
 suading your brother to give up the music 
 halls ; he never cared about the life. In 
 fact he is not fond of work, and I expect 
 w^ill want a bit of a holiday now." 
 
 «« Very well, he is welcome to that," I 
 said; '' I am willing to work for everybody, 
 for a time at least."
 
 330 Priend Pehdittjs, 
 
 All this while I had waited for an oppor- 
 tunity of approaching the subject which had 
 not been out of my thoughts for a minute 
 since Charlie had suggested it to me, but 
 again my mother interrupted me. 
 
 ''Is there a taUe d'Jidte here, Friend?" 
 she inquired. 
 
 ''I believe so," I answered, ''but I 
 thought you would prefer dining in pri- 
 vate, so I have ordered them to bring it 
 here." 
 
 "Ah, well, that will do for tonight; so 
 long as you give me salmon and cham- 
 pagne I shall be satisfied. I'm a famous 
 trencher- woman, I promise you ; but, as a 
 rule, I should like to dine downstairs ; I am 
 fond of a crowd of people ; besides, I must 
 set to work to make friends at once. By 
 the beginning of next season we must be in 
 society, you know. Sometimes you pick up 
 very desirable acquaintances in hotels." 
 
 " It is but natural," I thought, strug- 
 gling against the disapproval her eager 
 calculating face inspired. "Would you
 
 Eriend Perditus. 831 
 
 like to go down to-night, mother ? " I said, 
 " I can easily countermand the private 
 dinner." 
 
 " Go down to-night ? No thank you," 
 she replied, *' I must keep up here until I 
 have something decent to appear in. This 
 is my very best gown, Eriend, and it has 
 done good service on the stage as well as in 
 private." 
 
 Hastily I pulled my cheque book out of 
 my pocket. 
 
 ** I will write you a cheque at once," I 
 said. '' There, will that do ? " 
 
 The cheque was for five hundred pounds, 
 and I must own I expected my mother 
 would have shown some signs of gratifica- 
 tion at the amount, but her manner was 
 very cool as she took it from me, though I 
 noticed that her white fingers trembled 
 slightly as she placed the slip of paper in 
 her pocket-book. 
 
 " Yes, that will do for the present at any 
 rate," she said. " I can give myself a good 
 rig out with this. I shall not want furs or
 
 332 Friend Perditus. 
 
 jewellery until next winter, and then you will 
 have to pull your purse strings a little 
 wider, my son. Now, I don't let the grass 
 grow under my feet; therefore, as I've had 
 a cup of tea, I'll say good-bye to you. I 
 must go and get a bonnet at once, and I 
 want to find out the address of Mrs. Bernard 
 Beere's dressmaker ; her colours are a little 
 dingy, according to my notion, but her style 
 is good." 
 
 '' By-the-bye," she went on, " I can't 
 cash this cheque to-day, and I shall have to 
 pay for the bonnet ; have you got a few loose 
 sovereigns ? " 
 
 I turned out my pockets, and when she 
 saw that nothing whatever remained, my 
 mother's restless excitement seemed to quiet 
 down for the time. 
 
 At once I seized the opportunity. 
 
 '' Mother," I said, '' there is a question 
 I have been wanting to ask you for some 
 time." 
 
 " Eeally, what is it ? Though, if it will 
 take long to answer, you had better put it
 
 Priend Pehditus. 3B3 
 
 off for the present, I have a lot to do before 
 dinner." 
 
 " Who is the young girl with whom I 
 saw you at the opera in Paris ? " 
 
 It was evident that I had contrived 
 entirely to conceal the great interest I felt 
 in this matter, for my mother's face showed 
 no surprise at the question. 
 
 " Let me see. How long ago was it, and 
 what sort of young girl was she ? I have 
 had a good many companions at the opera 
 in my day." 
 
 "It was in April, three years ago," I 
 said, " and the girl was fair and delicate 
 looliing." 
 
 " Oh, I know," she replied, '' it must have 
 been Ella Maclise, a protegee of mine." 
 
 " Who is she ? " 
 
 " Well, she is a young girl who I con- 
 sidered had some claim upon me, and so 
 long as I could afford to keep her I did." 
 
 " That was very good of you," I cried. 
 
 She shrugged her shoulders. 
 
 " Oh, I don't see that I am entitled to
 
 33 i Fkiend Perditus. 
 
 any praise. The girl's father was kind to 
 me at a time when I needed a friend," she 
 continued meaningly. 
 
 I saw that she alluded to my past in some 
 way, and eagerly I pursued the subject. 
 
 " Tell me," I said, " I want to know all 
 about it." 
 
 " Well then, since you will not let me 
 spare you, Priend, these are the facts. Mr. 
 Maclise, Ella's father, was a friend of Mr. 
 Guadella's, and on the death of my husband 
 he acted the part of a true friend. When 
 you were old enough he obtained for you 
 your position in the bank, and five years 
 later he was equally kind to your brother ; 
 but the period of w^hicli I think with 
 the deepest gratitude is that which im- 
 mediately followed your desertion of us. 
 What we should have done then, if it had 
 not been for Mr. Maclise, I do not know. 
 You may imagine therefore, my son, that 
 when a sudden and terrible misfortune 
 befell our benefactor, who died suddenly 
 on hearing of the loss of his entire fortune,
 
 FniEND Pehditus. 335 
 
 I felt that his orphan daughter, left friend- 
 less and completely destitute in a foreign 
 country, had strong claims on me for pro- 
 tection and guidance." 
 
 ''And on me," I cried, delighted to recog- 
 nise that, despite her unattractive manner, 
 my mother was not without womanly sym- 
 pathy. " Mother, I will pay the debt you 
 owe her father. Where is Ella Maclisenow ? " 
 
 " In the same situation that she entered 
 three years ago. On the death of her 
 father, nearly two years before that, I we^it 
 to Paris and removed her from the expen- 
 sive school where she was, for I could not 
 possibly afford to keep her there, and for 
 two years she lived with me, attending a 
 convent school as a day scholar; then, for 
 the reason I have given you, we were obliged 
 to part." 
 
 " But now you can have her back again, 
 mother, it will give me more pleasure than 
 you can imagine to help you to carry out 
 your benevolent intentions towards the 
 young lady."
 
 336 Priend Perditus. 
 
 '' Ah well, there's plenty of time to 
 think about that, Friend ; though I admit 
 for many reasons I should like to have 
 the girl with me again ; not that she was 
 a particularly congenial companion, but," 
 she continued v/ith a peculiar smile that 
 I could not fathom at all, " there are 
 reasons why I wish to strengthen the 
 bond between us. Then again, a girl at 
 one's receptions makes them more generally 
 popular, not that I think her particularly 
 attractive, though Lucien admired her 
 tremendously, and was awfully spoony on 
 her." 
 
 A pang shot through my heart at this, 
 and at once I sternly resolved to stifle 
 before it had gone any further the tender 
 nature of my interest in this girl, who in 
 all probability returned my young brother's 
 attachment. 
 
 I bade farewell to my mother, and then 
 sauntering in the park I thought the matter 
 over calmly and dispassionately. I had not 
 been favourably impressed with my brother
 
 Eriend Perditus. 337 
 
 Lucien, but after all I was not quite sure 
 that I had judged him fairly. The circum- 
 stances under which we had met had been, 
 to say the least, of a very embarrassing 
 nature, and perhaps his avoidance of me, 
 and the natural curiosity which had led 
 him to question my friend concerning me, 
 had not been so blameworthy as at first I 
 had thought it. 
 
 Any way I could not deny that to feel 
 a genuine and disinterested attachment for 
 this penniless dependant girl was greatly to 
 my brother's credit, and I resolved tl^at 
 if I could do anything to further the 
 happiness of either I would, even though 
 I had to trample on my own heart in the 
 execution of my duty. 
 
 END or VOL. I. 
 
 VOL. I.
 
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