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SAILORS AND SAINTS 
 
 OR, 
 
 MATRIMONIAL MANCEUVRES. 
 
 BY THE AUTHORS OF 
 
 THE "NAVAL SKETCH BOOK." 
 
 ^ There's life in't. 
 
 Shakspeare. 
 
 IN THREE VOLUMES. 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 HENRY COLBURN, NEW BURLINGTON STREET. 
 
 1829. 
 

 ^3 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 The success of a former production is, perhaps, 
 the best apology for the appearance of another 
 by the same authors. In publishing the 
 present characteristic Tale, illustrative of scenes, 
 manners, and sentiments, which must necessarily 
 be novel to the far greater portion of society, it 
 may be only requisite to say, that the authors 
 have been encouraged to appear again before 
 the public, by the indulgent and flattering 
 reception the Naval Sketch Book obtained 
 in each edition. 
 
 Compared with the view of society contained 
 
VI PREFACE. 
 
 in these pages, the former Work may perhaps 
 have been considered too professional for some 
 readers. In the present instance, the writers 
 have endeavoured to consult the general taste, 
 particularly that of the Influential Fair, 
 by presenting a story enlivened by the intro- 
 duction of characters, to which parallels may 
 have been found within the circle of almost 
 every reader's society ; with the exception of 
 the veteran hero, whom the cognoscenti may 
 be disposed to consider an unique. 
 
 In conclusion, it may be necessary to explain 
 the reason why the authorship of the former 
 Work was announced in the singular number. 
 In some instances, the subjects examined were 
 so strictly technical, that one of the parties, 
 not being himself a naval man, felt a degree 
 of diffidence in seeming to claim a share in 
 originating several suggestions, which could 
 only have been the fruit of intimate acquaint- 
 ance with the minutia of the service.. In 
 the present instance, it has been deemed 
 
PREFACE. Vll 
 
 necessary partly to throw off the incognito ; 
 and as, amongst the conjectures which have been 
 hazarded by reviewers and others, that Work has 
 been confidently asserted to be the joint produc- 
 tion of several professional men, the authors beg 
 to assure the reader, that whatever merit their 
 former or their present Work may be consi- 
 dered to possess, it is not too much to be shared 
 between two individuals — a naval officer 
 and a templar. 
 
ERRATA TO VOL. I. 
 
 Page 15, line 11— for " graver opinion," read <?miwcomjoa- 
 
 nion. 
 
 213, — 4 from bottom — for "blushin," read blush'mg. 
 
 89, 11 — for "as soon a blister," iQ-ddi as soon as a 
 
 blister. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS, 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 L'OUVERTURE. 
 
 A home returning bark- 
 
 Blow fair, thou breeze ! she anchors ere the dark. 
 
 Already doubled is the cape —our bay 
 
 Receives that prow which proudly spurns the spray. 
 
 Byron. 
 
 *' A STRANGE sail, by all that's brave :" — ex- 
 claimed old Captain Crank, as he had adjusted 
 to his eye a favourite Dollond's day-and-night 
 telescope, which was handsomely mounted in 
 the oriel window of one of the most compact 
 neat cottages that graced the picturesque banks 
 
 VOL. I. B 
 
% SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 of the river Dart. Erected on rather an abrupt 
 eminence above the clifF, this rural retreat com- 
 manded an almost boundless view of the English 
 channel on three sides ; save where it was inter- 
 cepted, on the west, by the bold projection of 
 the Start Point ; a headland so often hailed 
 with delight, as the harbinger of home, by the 
 returning wanderer of the wave. 
 
 " Let me see," continued the captain; "what, 
 — three reefs out o' the taupsles* on a wind ! — 
 never did that in my time — don't dream of the 
 squall that 'ill catch him off the point — a youn- 
 ker, I warrant ! — Shoud'nt wonder if his top- 
 masts went over the side ; — all comes of boys 
 shipping swabst before they shave. — Weather 
 fore-taupsle-sheet not home by a fathom — jib 
 stay in a bight, too — not a block to be seen low 
 or aloft — bless my soul ! — nor a hand in the 
 chains !+ She's ashore for a shilling." 
 
 * Topsails— the pronunciation of this word instantly de- 
 tects the landsman. 
 
 f Mounting epaulettes, which in his day denoted a captain. 
 J A leadsman to asceitain the depth of water. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. S 
 
 But the subject of these testy criticisms soon 
 assumed a very different appearance. It was 
 true, that at the moment the veteran had pro- 
 nounced her "jib-stay to be in a bight,'' and 
 '' her fore-topsail-sheet not home by a fathom," 
 her crew were in the act of setting up the one, 
 and " singhng " the other, — the latter being a 
 practice frequently adopted of late by officers 
 for the purpose of clewing up the topsails with 
 a celerity, which, to either a novice, or one of 
 the old school of seamen, had all the appear- 
 ance of legerdemain. The critic could not fail 
 to be in some degree surprised by the effect of 
 this rapid evolution in " shortening sail ;" and 
 he had the further mortification of finding him- 
 self "out in his reckoning " as to another fore- 
 boding ; for the vessel, with all her broad and 
 lofty canvas spread, as if still wooing the wind, 
 not only stood into her anchorage in admirable 
 style ; but, to the evident mortification of the 
 petulant prophet, took up a safe birth, suddenly 
 II ^ 
 
4 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 clewing up every thing, in a position near 
 enough to give the veteran a full view from his 
 window of her busy, but orderly deck. 
 
 The only auditors which this nautical Nestor 
 had for his critical comments upon the rising 
 generation of our seamen, were two female 
 relatives, who constituted the whole of his fire- 
 side circle. The elder, a respectable middle 
 aged matron, the captain's sister-in-law ; whose 
 life had been sufficiently chequered to have im- 
 parted to her character all those chameleon hues, 
 which result from a knowledge of the world. 
 Of an ambitious disposition, though humble 
 extraction, she had been principally indebted to 
 a fair share of personal attractions for her es- 
 tablishment in life, if more than existence it 
 might be called, whose daily inconveniencies and 
 perplexities were to be constantly encountered 
 and defeated by shifts and evasions absolutely 
 necessary to maintain appearances in the early 
 stages of her husband's professional career. He 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 5 
 
 had been a country attorney in a small town, 
 where the spirit of litigation had been restrained 
 by the potent spells of religious enthusiasm ; or, 
 in other words, as most of its population were 
 members of the same sect, their disputes were, 
 too often for the attorney's interest, amicably 
 adjusted by the intervention of the pulpit, rather 
 than the woolsack. It was not wonderful, 
 therefore, that Crank's prize money should now 
 and then be invested in other hands than those 
 of the Commissioners of the Navy Four-per- 
 Cents. 
 
 The worthy veteran continued for years to 
 supply the wants of a brother, whose choice of 
 a profession had been so unfortunate. A sense 
 of dependence and degradation gradually brought 
 on an apathy and distaste for life, from which the 
 attorney vainly sought relief in the too frequent 
 use of spirituous liquors ; and he paid the penalty 
 of these culpable attempts to escape from the 
 cares of the world, by an attack of apoplexy, 
 
6 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 which closed his career, without burdening his 
 family by any regret for his loss. What had 
 proved poison to her husband's temporal con- 
 cerns, turned out a balm to the sorrows of his 
 spouse — she became a convert to those prin- 
 ciples whose influence had ruined the lawyer's 
 practice; — was frequent in her attendance at 
 ^* meeting;" — seldom seen at church ; and rose, 
 as veterans ought in the forces, with her stand- 
 ing, through the different grades of " hearer,'' 
 ** convert," ^' class-sister," and " band-sister," 
 until she became as constant in her attendance 
 on the service at Zerubbabel Chapel, as the pil- 
 lar which supported its pulpit. 
 
 The next in order of rank, though far above 
 her in the estimation and afi'ection of the veteran, 
 was his niece. Raised to a sphere far beyond 
 her early expectations by her kind-hearted 
 uncle, who had adopted her on his brother's 
 death, and completed her education at con- 
 siderable expense; Emily, like girls of any 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 7 
 
 emulation, rose in spirit with her altered cir- 
 cumstances. She must have been dull indeed 
 not to have perceived her own increased im- 
 portance even while at school, in the deference 
 and marked civilities of both mistress, teachers, 
 and school-fellows, the moment she was recog- 
 nized as the presumptive heiress of the retired 
 old Ingee admiral, the title by which her uncle 
 was usually designated. 
 
 Emily had acquired in the captain's society 
 a competent acquaintance with sea terms to 
 comprehend that the stranger now anchored 
 below must be a vessel of war ; and the idea of 
 a youthful commander excited in her a degree 
 of interest, which can only be understood by 
 those sylvan beauties in their teens who are con- 
 demned to pass their monotonous days in the 
 neighbourhood of a country town, near two 
 hundred miles from the capital. 
 
 " Well," proceeded the captain with his soli- 
 loquy, and wiping his glass with an old bandana, 
 part of a testimonial of gratitude which he had 
 
8 SAILOES AND SAINTS. 
 
 received from a "free trader," for a trifling 
 service when in command of a sloop of war on 
 the " home station" some twenty years before — 
 " come, — he's taken up his birth better than I 
 expected; — but I suppose his master had the 
 management of thaV — Placing the glass again 
 to his eye, he continued, " There's haul up the 
 gig, and man the side ; — aye, here he comes, 
 as stiff as a midshipman. What — swab on the 
 starboard shoulder ! Why the boy's not posted 
 to be sure ? — He's in a devil of a hurry to shift 
 it — might wait till superseded too I — Aye, just 
 as 1 thought— one o' your feather-bed fellows — 
 not an ill-looking chap, neither." 
 
 "Young and handsome!" murmured Emily 
 to herself. " Shall we go to the beach, uncle, 
 and welcome the stranger ?'" 
 
 " What — are you mad, child ? Senior officer 
 wait on a junior !" 
 
 " But hospitality. Sir !" 
 
 " Hospidevilty ! — I say discipline. — What 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. V 
 
 would become of the service, if veterans were to 
 bend to boys ? If he keeps an eye out to wind- 
 ward, he'll see a reg'lar rigged stick* in the 
 garden. — Come when he will, — glad to receive 
 him as a supernumerary at Camperdown cot- 
 tage — and, moreover, ' victual him for the day ;' 
 — but damn all volunteering. — No, no, civility^s 
 all very well in its way ; — curse your French 
 familiarity, and your privateer fashion of swig- 
 ging and smoking with every fellow who hap- 
 pens to be under the same fly o' your pennant — 
 No, no, my dear — mark this ! — ^^preserve discipline 
 — preserve your distance— that's my maxim. 
 D — n it, the mids o' the Grampus had it patter 
 than their prayers." 
 
 "The mores the pity," exclaimed Mrs. 
 Crank, " that youth should be brought up so 
 very irreligiously, and that 3/ow, brother, should 
 allude to it so irreverently." 
 
 * Flag-staff in the garden, which, throughout England, M'ill 
 be found, in ninety-nine cases of a hundred, to indicate the 
 residence of a sailor. 
 
10 SAILORS AKD SAINTS. 
 
 '*Why, how now? — The maxim's a good 
 one, and, moreover, my own : — and as to pre- 
 ferring discipline to their prayers, there's no- 
 thing, I hope, immoral in that ; — though you're 
 always throwing morality up in one''s face, you 
 can't say there's any commandment cracked 
 there — that's if / understand the decalogue." 
 
 *' Brother, brother,'"" rejoined Mrs. Crank, in 
 the deep peculiar tone so often assumed by that 
 class of people self-denominated the " serious^' 
 '* why talk only of morality ? — I would speak of 
 a higher motive," — and she would have pro- 
 ceeded, but that the captain rather peevishly 
 stopped her short, by saying — 
 
 '* See here, old girl, you mignt as well try to 
 bring up* the Royal Billyf in the middle of 
 the Atlantic, as to prevent a sea-faring man 
 from indulging in an odd damme, now and then, — 
 if its only to give weight to his words. — What 
 
 * To anchor. 
 
 t The " Royal William," which lay for many years guard- 
 ship at Spithead. She was said to have been the oldest skip 
 in the service, before broken up. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 11 
 
 the deuce would you do of a squally night, if 
 you were to be squeamish about letting fly an 
 oath at a fellow for keeping fast the taupsle 
 haliards, — or delicate about damning the watch 
 sky-high, for not jumping up to the main-clue- 
 garnets? — Why, d'ye know, that a roaring 
 thumper through a trumpet has often had the 
 effect of saving the ship from jeopardy !" 
 
 "'At perhaps the expense of the swearer's 
 soul," interrupted his sister. 
 
 " Now, stand fast there ! — The less you say 
 on that subject, the better ; — and if you wish to 
 retain your rating on your brother's books, 
 you'll clap a stopper on your petticoat preach- 
 ing." 
 
 The cloud that was gathering on the grave 
 brow of the saintly matron as she meditated 
 a reply to the unceremonious rebuke of our 
 veteran, was dispersed by the entrance of a 
 personage who may be best described as the 
 captain's factotum. 
 
 When the captain was afloat, Tom Tiller had 
 
in SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 served him as coxswain in every ship he com- 
 manded ; and now, on shore, his duties, though 
 of a different nature, were not less multifarious. 
 
 '^ I axes your pardon, Sir," said Thomas, as 
 he opened the door, — ''but in course, as there's a 
 man-of-v/ar brig brought up below, you'll hoist 
 the big ensign to-day." 
 
 *' Right, Thomas, — right. — Shift the colours, 
 and let me see every thing ship-shape about the 
 grounds and garden. I hope now, the fly o' 
 the ensign wonH be fagging out the way it was 
 on Sunday last. — Tack taught down, you 
 know ; — and, for heaven's sake, don't let Ram 
 be howling about, and throwing up his eyes like 
 a methodist parson." 
 
 " ril see to it all, Sir," said Tom.—" But, 
 if so be, Sir, the brig salutes us, how many guns 
 shall we retarn .?" 
 
 " Salute ! — No, no, Thomas,*' rejoined Crank, 
 with a smile, — "no, no! young as he is, he is not 
 so young as to expend his powder on an unem- 
 ployed officer. — But who knows, but he might 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 13 
 
 be one of my old mids ? — He might to be sure, 
 Thomas, wish to pay his old captain a compli- 
 ment, and call it scalingMis guns, if he liked. — 
 Well, poor boys ! Tm sure they all loved me, 
 though, at times, I used to work them to a 
 jelly.- 
 
 To explain Tom Tiller's last interrogatory, it 
 may be necessary to inform the reader, that, in 
 addition to the flag-staff, the captain had placed 
 in his garden two brass ship's swivels, which 
 had originally been taken from the taffrail of a 
 French-privateer; and which were afterwards 
 promoted to the main-top of the last line-of- 
 battle ship which Crank had commanded, from 
 whence they had been removed hither, as some 
 of the personal spoils of war. These swivels 
 were duly employed to announce the anniversary 
 of every naval victory and royal birth day; and, 
 thanks to the gallantry of our tars, and the 
 numerous fine progeny of our late gracious 
 Queen Charlotte, these opportunities were so 
 numerous, that, like the saints in the French 
 
14 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 calendar, there was a shot for almost every day 
 in the year. On these occasions, too, the veteran 
 considered it to be an indispensable point of his 
 duty to expend his prize money as fast as he did 
 the powder which gained it, in jubilee dinners, 
 at which he filled as many rounds of bumpers 
 during the night, as he had fired rounds of 
 blank in the morning. 
 
 To return to the breakfast room. The cap- 
 tain, perceiving the subject of his present curi- 
 osity " working a traverse" up the narrow 
 way, which led to his cottage, bethought him 
 that he might yield so far to the suggestions of 
 Emily respecting hospitahty, as to meet the 
 stranger half-way, without entrenching on his 
 notions of naval etiquette. Thus resolved, he 
 addressed his niece, — 
 
 "Well, come, Emily, — clap on your headgear. 
 I don't care if I do accompany you to recon- 
 noitre this cruizer ; — besides, it's not every day 
 the port is honoured with a pennant." 
 
 However ambitious of display his fair niece 
 
SAILORS AMD SAINTS. 15 
 
 might have been, yet her knowledge of the 
 capriciousness of her uncle's temper induced her 
 to interpose no delay to the completion of his 
 wishes, by any studied effort to increase her 
 attractions. Possibly, vanity suggested it was 
 unnecessary. — Her toilette was quickly made ; 
 and linking her arm in her uncle's, who had 
 already stood with his bamboo extended in the 
 direction they were to take, she deftly tripped 
 down the winding alley, to the manifest annoy- 
 ance of her graver opinion, who, in a tone half 
 serious, half bantering, muttered, — 
 
 " Come, child ; — ^you're carrying-on too much 
 canvas for me — T can never stand up to my 
 sticks at this rate. — You'll have me springing 
 some o' my spare spars, and Fm sure they're 
 quite tickUsh enough already.'"* 
 
 Anxious as other writers may be of achieving 
 the picturesque in description, we must prune 
 our wing to a soberer flight. Although it could 
 not be denied that Emily was a fine girl, yet the 
 group was any thing but picturesque. In fact, 
 
16 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 it bordered much nearer on the grotesque. — Her 
 symmetrical figure, and buoyant step, were 
 strangely in contrast with the jocund obesity, 
 and hobbling gait of the principal figure. — He 
 might be about sixty, and carried his years well ; 
 rather portly in person, and of a fresh and 
 healthy complexion; the ravages of time or 
 clime were not very apparent. The only evi- 
 dence of his years consisted in an exuberance of 
 venerable milk-white hair, which, though suf- 
 fered to luxuriate in front, was compressed 
 behind in a neatly tied queue, which, without 
 disparagement to the perspicacity displayed by 
 money-lenders in our time, might have been 
 discounted at sight, for thousands, any day be- 
 tween three and five, on the Royal Exchange. — 
 To prove that Bellona was no stepdame, she 
 had complimented him by a scratch in the face 
 (which lubbers would have denominated a 
 frightful gash), inflicted by a splinter from a 
 two-and-thirty pounder, as it winged its wanton 
 way through the quarter deck bulwark of the 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. IT 
 
 R r in Rodney's ever memorable victory. 
 
 This, in those days, was a species of reminis- 
 cence of services, which was somehozo very 
 silhly appreciated by our officers, when the cheap 
 distinctions of commemorative ribbons and 
 medals were not the only blazonry of valorous 
 achievements. 
 
 A blue coat, stand-up collar, long in the 
 waist, a " square tuck," white kerseymere 
 vest, ambitiously displaying on each button an 
 anchor, the only exterior symbol of his profes- 
 sion; with a pair of blue " unmentionables," 
 white fleecy stockings, and short black gaitersj 
 composed the attire of the veteran. 
 
 Tiller completed a trio on which Hogarth 
 would have exercised his pencil with pleasure. 
 He was a tough tar, so nearly his master's age, 
 that the old gentleman, when in very good 
 humour, used to joke with him familiarly on 
 their close approximation in this respect, always 
 affecting to forget who was the elder of the two. 
 — They had entered the profession nearly at the 
 
18 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 same period of boyhood ; had seen, thereforej 
 nearly equal periods of service, for Tiller retired 
 with his master. — Tom, too, had reaped his 
 share of honours, as well as the veteran, having 
 been for several years previously a captain also 
 — that is, of a top. He was of a spare habit, 
 extremely bow-legged, small in the waist, and 
 long in the arms ; his eye (for he had but one, 
 the other having been whisked out by the ex- 
 plosion of a powder-horn, when priming his 
 carronade in action) always resting on his com- 
 mander's ; his complexion mahogany, enlivened 
 with an odd streak here and there (particularly 
 on the nose) of vermilion, and betokening long 
 service in a variety of climates, as he contended — 
 possibly, an undue preference to strong potations. 
 He, too, sported a tolerable tail, which, on ordi- 
 nary occasions, was bent up in a-bight ; but, on 
 Sundays and holidays, was uncoiled, and dis- 
 played in all its fair proportions. — He wore the 
 ordinary dress of a sailor, marked by a scrupu- 
 lous exactness ; and a rigid attention to clean- 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 19 
 
 liness, as an atonement for a peculiar feeling, 
 which had well nigh robbed Camperdown cot- 
 tage of not the least worthy of its inmates. 
 This arose from an attachment to his profession, 
 and old habits. In fact, no earthly consider- 
 ation could have induced him to substitute a 
 livery for the blue jacket and white trowsers of 
 the tar. Indeed, when his mistress had alluded 
 sometimes to the circumstance of his appearing 
 in a gentleman's family so singularly attired, 
 TiJler uniformly accompanied the remark with 
 an unconscious stare, as if ignorant of her mean- 
 ing, and an obvious anxiety to leave the room ; 
 though the next morning, whilst dressing his 
 master, he never neglected to signify his unalter- 
 able dislike to the proposed innovation, by 
 alluding to an intention he had long cherished, 
 though as often postponed, to give up service, 
 and go into the country to see his friends. — 
 This would have been to Crank a separation of 
 soul and body, so that Tiller was sure to gain 
 his object, and the point was decided by the 
 
20 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 captain at last jocosely observing to his sister, 
 that " it was quite out of the question, to ex- 
 pect a square-rigged craft, like Tom, ever to 
 bend a fore-and-aft suit of sails." 
 
 The above sketches from the life will suffice 
 to introduce to the reader's acquaintance a few 
 of the dramatis persoiice who figure in these 
 volumes. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 2] 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 JOINING CO. 
 
 Many a worthy man sacrifices his peace to formalities. 
 
 L'ESTRANGE. 
 
 The garden walk terminated with a gate 
 opening into a steep ravine, richly planted and 
 arched overhead, which rather abruptly de- 
 scended to the shore. At some distance beneath 
 the umbrageous foliage, two figures were seen 
 slowly winding up the ascent. The dim light 
 which pervaded this hollow way threw them 
 further into perspective than might have been 
 imagined from the distinctness with which their 
 conversation reached the ears of our party. 
 
%a SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 The subject was rather startHng to the dignity 
 of the old gentleman, accustomed as he was to 
 the more stately demeanour, and reserved habits 
 of officers in his day. It seemed to refer to 
 himself ; and the observation had called forth a 
 laugh from the superior, as he conjectured, at 
 his expense. Nor did the officer (for it now 
 evidently appeared the couple approaching be- 
 longed to the brig) seem to be one of those 
 likely to exact much deference from his attend- 
 ant, who, notwithstanding, kept, out of respect 
 for his superior, a little better than *' a boat- 
 hook's length in his wake." 
 
 " Perhaps, Sir,*" said the inferior, closing up 
 abreast of his officer, and who happened to be 
 bow-man of the boat, which had not long landed 
 from the brig, " Perhaps, Sir, as I draws less 
 water nor you, it might'nt be amiss to let me 
 lead through the narrows." 
 
 " Why, Jones, you're as cautious as a Por- 
 tuguese pilot," returned the officer; " surely 
 weVe no danger to dread ?'' 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 23 
 
 " I does'nt know that. Sir ; — it's as well to 
 sound as we go. — If you takes my advice, Sir, 
 you'd 'connitre the old boy afore we board him 
 in the smoke." 
 
 *' I admire your prudence : but pray, Jones, 
 why this precaution ? The old gentleman ap- 
 pears to have hoisted his colours in compliment 
 to the brig's putting into port ; and it's not 
 likely that an old officer would turn his back 
 on a blue-jacket, or shut his doors against a 
 sailor." 
 
 " Why, I hope you're not out in your reck- 
 'ning. Sir ; — but you see. Sir," said the tar, as- 
 suming the air of one endowed " with a learned 
 spirit of human dealings ;" " you see. Sir, when 
 a man's a long time out o' commission, he can't 
 help getting, as a body may say, — shore- hardened 
 a bit — a touch o' the two ways wi' him — heaves- 
 in, you know. Sir, when he means to stick-out ; 
 — and polite enough to ax you to freshen your 
 nip, when at the same time he'd as soon give 
 you a drop of his blood as a drop of his bottle." 
 
24 SAILOES AND SAINTS. 
 
 •* Probably so ; but I make it a rule never to 
 distrust the cloth ; and, to its honour be it said, 
 I've never yet been deceived. But, hollo ! who 
 have we here ?" 
 
 '' The commodore, by all that's blue !" said 
 the bowman, who had previously learnt from 
 the fishermen on the beach the appellative 
 by which the veteran was known in the 
 neighbourhood. " Oh, it's him, Sir, as sure as 
 a gun, for here's the gate close aboard ; he's 
 overhard us for sartin." 
 
 " Well, Sir," said the other, elevating his 
 voice sufficiently to reach distinctly the person 
 it was meant to conciliate, " he can have heard 
 nothing of which he or I have any reason to 
 be ashamed." 
 
 He had hardly time to put his hand to his hat, 
 and salute the party, ere the old gentleman 
 accosted him with an obviously constrained 
 familiarity : — 
 
 " Your humble servant, Sir. — I presume the 
 brig brought up below is yours ?" 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS ^5 
 
 " I have the honour to belong to her," replied 
 the officer. 
 
 " Belong to her ? — you mean she belongs to 
 you. — Well, Sir, — you're welcome to the port. — 
 My niece here prevailed on me to come down to 
 meet you ; though, I assure you, I was not over 
 inclined to start tack or sheet — We liners, you 
 know, are not in the habit of leading small craft 
 into their anchorage." 
 
 " I feel more sensibly the compliment from 
 its having originated with the lady,'' said the 
 stranger, bowing gracefully to Emily, " but the 
 fact is, I have been sent by Captain Staunch 
 to a "' 
 
 " Seiit r interrupted Crank, in a tone of sur- 
 prise, — "volunteered you mean? — You're super- 
 seded, I suppose .^" 
 
 " I hope not, Sir." 
 
 " Hope not !— Gad, had you been served as I 
 ^vas — kept knocking about the Nortli Seas the 
 standing-part of a winter's cruize after you were 
 
 VOL. 1, C 
 
26 SAILOES AND SAINTS. 
 
 posted,* you wouldn't object to your successor's 
 joining so soon." 
 
 '' You labour, I rather think, Sir, under 
 some misapprehension, attributable to my wear- 
 ing an epaulette. Perhaps, Sir, you have not 
 been apprised of the recent change in the uni- 
 form ?^' 
 
 " Change in the uniform ! — what change ^ — 
 My niece here generally overhauls the news- 
 papers very sharply, and neither of us have read 
 any thing of the matter — have we, child T* 
 
 '' Pardon me, Sir," said he, " a considerable 
 change has taken place. The same uniform 
 which hitherto distinguished a post-captain under 
 three years'* standing, now denotes the rank of 
 lieutenant." 
 
 " What, Sir, you don't mean to say that the 
 lufftacklef has shipped the swahT' 
 
 " Yes, Sir, and on the right shoulder." 
 
 " Ha ! ha I ha ! — The service is going head- 
 long to the devil ! Then, of course, the wash- 
 
 * Made post captain. f Lieutenant. 
 
SAlLOnS AND SAINTS. 27 
 
 boards* are shipped by the reefer.-f* And so, 
 after all, I'm addressing only a Heu tenant ! — is 
 it so, eh ?" 
 
 " At your service, Sir, only lieutenant, and 
 even second lieutenant of His Majesty's sloop 
 Spitfire:' 
 
 " D n it, this is the devil's own take-in, 
 
 my dear," said Crank to Emily, aside. — " Pray, 
 Sir, may I ask your name ?" 
 
 " Burton, Sir." 
 
 " Burton ! Burton ! — surely you can't be son 
 to my old messmate, Bob Burton, who served as 
 second in the Boyne f — But, no ; I remember, 
 like myself, he kept his text through life, never 
 to be hampered with a rib— so that can't be, 
 except, to be sure, — a side-wind.'' 
 
 He might, perhaps, have pursued the subject 
 further, notwithstanding Emily had disengaged 
 her arm from his to occupy herself in unneces- 
 
 * White facings of the uniform coat, formerly indicating 
 the rank of lieutenant, 
 t Midshipman. 
 
 n O 
 
SAILOES AND SAINTS. 
 
 sarily adjusting a very delicate and faultless 
 specimen of shoe-tie, had not the frown which 
 he saw fast gathering on the lieutenant''s brow 
 recalled the old gentleman to a sense of the 
 impropriety of pushing this species of equitable 
 dubiety further as to the parentage of a perfect 
 stranger. He hastened to resume the subject ; — 
 luckily, the catch-word suggested itself — " Bur- 
 toi\, Burton ; — well, and pray, Mr. Burton, if it 
 be a fair question," continued the veteran, " how 
 comes it that as second lieutenant, you are the 
 first officer to land from the brig ? — I suppose, in 
 those sort of small craft, there are no more cats 
 than can catch mice.— A hrig^ you know. Sir, is 
 not like a battle-ship. — To be sure, in my day, 
 the second lieutenant of a liner was considered 
 as a sort of spare-topmast, that lay idle on the 
 booms as long as the Jirst was standing ; — but 
 times, I perceive, have terribly changed — ter- 
 ribly, indeed." 
 
 Though Emily in some measure shared in her 
 uncle's mortification at finding, as he had so un- 
 
SAILORS AXD 3AIXTS. 29 
 
 ceremoniously expressed it, that all this while he 
 had been addressing only a lieutenant; her de- 
 portment obviously betrayed, even to a careless 
 observer, that a considerable degree of interest 
 had been already excited by the rencontre. Nor 
 was this at all surprising. — Taking her uncle as \ 
 a specimen of the profession, whose temper, not- 
 withstanding his goodness of heart, was crabbed, 
 and whose manner and conversation, harsh and 
 dictatorial, she was agreeably surprised by thej 
 unaffected manners, easy affability, and prepos- 
 sessing appearance of the young officer ; and 
 this surprise might, perhaps, best interpret the 
 meaning of those furtive glances of her fine 
 dark eyes, which were directed towards him at 
 intervals, when she imagined, from his being 
 engaged in conversation with her uncle, there 
 was little danger of her being detected. 
 
 To keep the veteran no longer in suspense as 
 to the object of his mission. Burton proceeded 
 to acquaint him that he came ashore specially 
 for the purpose of ascertaining whether fresh 
 
so SAILORS AND SAIXTS. 
 
 provisions and water were to be conveniently 
 obtained in the neighbourhood ? — " We have, 
 Sir," said he, " just returned from a cruize off 
 Scilly, — and — seeing St. George's ensign flying 
 at the flag-staff—*' 
 
 " Flag-staff*, young man !" interrupted Crank, 
 " T\\ have you know that Jlag-staW, as you call 
 it, is the main-to'-gallant-mast of a six-and-thirty 
 
 gun frigate, and no capperbar* either. D n 
 
 it, where are your eyes, Sir? — Don't you see 
 she's a regular fidded royal-mast, cross-trees and 
 all complete ? — Fll answer for it, the stay and 
 shrouds are made of a better piece of two-and- 
 a-half hawser-laid stuff* than any you can sport 
 in your a — what d'ye call her. Sir ?" 
 
 " The Spitfire/'' replied the lieutenant coolly, 
 who perceived he had a testy customer to deal 
 with. 
 
 * As this ■will be perfectly well understood by those who are 
 interested in the honour of the service, and in keeping the 
 secret, it shall, for the sake of the veteran, never be explained 
 in a note of ours. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 31 
 
 " The Spitfirey eh ? — built since my time. — 
 Well, and so you say this Spitfire — (gad, youVe 
 got her black enough to call ber the Belzebuh — 
 zounds ! girl, don't be treading on my toes — ) 
 and so you've only come into port to replenish 
 your water ? — you're sure nothing else ? — cap- 
 tain not sick o' the cruize, eh ? — old stationer, 
 you know — up to these sort o' rigs." 
 
 *' Sir, it would not become me to dispute that 
 such may be the result of your own experience ; 
 but it would become me less, tamely to acquiesce 
 in any undeserved censure on the conduct of 
 my commander ;" and, with a graceful inclina- 
 tion of the head towards Emily, he continued, 
 " Nor would it be just to the profession or to 
 yourself, to omit reminding you that this cen- 
 sure is levelled against the most devoted pro- 
 tectors of the sex." 
 
 *' Holloa, young man, — touchy as tinder ! — 
 What tack are we on now ? — got hold of a sea- 
 lawyer it seems. — However, I like your spirit 
 in sticking up for the discipline of the service. 
 
3^ SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 Respect your superiors — that's my maxim; — 
 had it painted on the break of the Grampuses 
 poop." 
 
 " Wei], Sir," said the lieutenant, " as duty 
 never admits of delay, perhaps you will have the 
 politeness to oblige me with your assistance ?" 
 
 " Certainly, Sir, — every officer in His Ma- 
 jesty's navy is entitled to my good offices, espe- 
 cially on a point of service. — If youVe deter- 
 mined not to make for the cottage ; my man, 
 Tiller here, shall step to the best butcher in the 
 place, and order him to comply with your ' pur- 
 ser's demand.' — By-the-by, how is't he didn't 
 land himself to look after his own business ? — In 
 my time, Nipcheese* would have considered it 
 as good as a re-capture to have had such an 
 opportunity of contracting with a butcher." 
 
 Being made acquainted that this duty had 
 been assigned to the lieutenant in consequence 
 of the indisposition of the purser. Crank pro- 
 
 * Nickname for purser. 
 
SAILOES Ayilt SAINTS. 33 
 
 ceeded to point out the best watering-place in 
 the vicinity, adding that, " If it does not interfere 
 with your duty, perhaps you'll take a family 
 dinner with us — eight bells, you know, to a 
 minute," continued Crank, pulling out his watch, 
 and comparing it with Burton's. 
 
 The lieutenant politely made his acknow- 
 ledgments, giving his assurance that nothing 
 would afford him greater pleasure ; but inti- 
 mated that, as he was on duty, his compliance 
 would depend upon obtaining leave from his 
 captain. 
 
 " Perhaps, Sir," said Emily, " we may have 
 the additional pleasure of your captain's com- 
 pany .^'' 
 
 " Why, I don't exactly know what to say to 
 that, my dear;" said Crank. — " I know, in my 
 time, it wasn't quite according to Cocker, for a 
 captain and lieutenant to dine together ashore — 
 but be that as it may. Sir — make our compliments 
 — no force, you know — a volunteer's worth two 
 pressed men — say, if he comes, glad to see 
 c3 
 
'S4} SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 him — hearty welcome, and all that sort o* thing. 
 You may depend on it, there's some capital stuff 
 in the store-room." 
 
 Bowing to both, Burton informed them that 
 the accident which afforded him the pleasure of 
 this introduction, would, he feared, prevent his 
 commander partaking of their hospitality. " It 
 was but the other day," he said, " that the 
 captain had a narrow escape, by the falling of a 
 block from aloft : fortunately, however, it only 
 fell on his foot ; but the contusion is sufficiently 
 severe to confine him to his cabin." 
 
 " Aye, aye ! nothing but negligence — now 
 that's a thing / never would forgive — a block 
 or marlinspike falling from aloft, was always 
 three dozen in my time." 
 
 This hint seemed to be little relished by the 
 lieutenant's attendant, who, turning up the 
 whites of his eyes, muttered, in an almost audi- 
 ble tone — " Precious times them !— suppose a 
 poor fellow fell from aloft, dare say they'd a 
 brought him to a reg'lar-built court martial, if 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 35 
 
 he hadn't the good fortun to fall on his pate 
 and knock out his brains.'' 
 
 " Talking of blocks falling from aloft, reminds 
 me," said Crank, *' of a sad accident which 
 happened aboard the Ramilies — Ramilies? — 
 let's see, was't the Ramilies, or the Boyne ? — 
 right, the Ram ; because, now I remember, 
 
 'twas just after I becamej^r^^ of the former. 
 
 Well, you must know, Sir, one day, in a general 
 chase to windward — cracking on as much as 
 ever we could stagger under trippled-reefed 
 taupsles and courses — a cursed cross-sea running 
 — taking it in clean over all — *' 
 
 Here Emily, aware, from experience, of the 
 probable prolixity of her uncle's stories, when- 
 ever he commenced to touch on technicals with 
 so formidable a flourish as " tripple-reefs — cross- 
 seas— and cracking on canvas," correctively 
 placed her hand on her uncle's sleeve, remind- 
 ing him, that " the gentleman had to repair on 
 board, and, if he expected him to return to 
 dinner, he had better reserve the catastrophe 
 
S6 SAILOES AND SAINTS. 
 
 until they again met;" a hint which was gladly 
 followed by the lieutenant politely taking leave, 
 for the present, and expressing a hope that he 
 should be favoured with that anecdote, or any 
 other fruits of his experience, when he had the 
 pleasure to rejoin them. 
 
 According to this arrangement, the officer, 
 now, accompanied by Tiller and the bowman, 
 descended to the beach to examine the watering- 
 place. The one-eyed tar having pointed out the 
 road, the lieutenant preceded his companions, 
 neither of whom were remarkable for taciturnity. 
 Indeed, from the first moment, each had eyed 
 the other with a secret determination to exchange 
 shots in a civil conversational way, having gra- 
 dually slackened their pace, so as to fall into the 
 rear, and to get out of hearing, when the bow- 
 man thus broke silence — 
 
 " I say, shipmate — what sort of a birth have 
 you got on it here ? — A rum rating — I take 
 it ?" 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 37 
 
 " Rum as it is, I reckon it's better nor A. B.* 
 aboard a man-o'-war." 
 
 " Well, I didn't say the birth was a bad-un 
 ^-for tho' you've a fidded stickf there, stepped 
 on the top o' the hill, I take it you seldom shin- 
 up to rig the upper-royal-yard-arm?" 
 
 " Why, no," — retorted Tiller ; — *' we don't 
 cross broom-sticks here ; — tho' we've eight 
 hours in of a night, we've something else to do 
 in the day." 
 
 '' There, now, that's what I've been just a 
 thinking ;" said the bowman, who was quite a 
 match for Tom in good-humoured retort — " and 
 what's more, from what I overhears just now, I 
 takes it the old gemman's rather a taut hand 
 in a watch ; — he'd sooner, I reckon, sarve-out 
 thi'ee dozefi, nor double allowance ?''t 
 
 " Why, for the matter o' that, he could 
 sarve out both to them as desarved it." 
 
 * A. B— Able seamen. 
 
 t A flag-staff. 
 
 X In allusion to double allowance of grog. 
 
38 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 '' Well, — there's never no denying but some 
 o' the sim'lar sort have their good pints, as 
 well as their bad uns." 
 
 *' Pints," said Tiller, — assuming an air of im- 
 portance — " he's as many pints as the compass, 
 if you only knew how to box *em. — I knows his 
 trim better nor most, and take him, hy^ or large, 
 you'll not find his match in a million. — The 
 gout, to be sure, sometimes sets him a snarling, 
 when it makes him lie by with his legs in limbo ; 
 — and he's not over pleased when his sister-in-law 
 — a sort o' she clargyman — tarns to a preaching, 
 and tries to gammon the old man out of a New- 
 land,* you know, for divarting the Jews, as she 
 calls it ; — but the breeze once over, the sea soon 
 goes down. — ^Well ! but I say — that seems a 
 crack craft o* your's !" added Tom, assuming a 
 livelier tone. 
 
 " You may say that, my bo," said the 
 younger tar, ** when you next write home to 
 your friends. — The very barkey as can run in 
 
 * A Bank note. 
 
SAILORS a:nd saikts. 39 
 
 the guns — send down royal and to'-gallant-yards 
 — hoist the boats in, and pipe the hammocks 
 down all in the same breath." 
 ' *' And in course, sarve out slops too, at the 
 same time," returned Tiller, thinking that his 
 
 companion was drawing upon his credulity. 
 
 " But, I say, how is't youVe got her black and 
 all black ?" 
 
 *' There's the beauty on her ! — why, d'ye 
 think sMs like a lady, as wants paint and rib- 
 bons* to show-off her sheer ? — Did you ever see 
 a swan sit prouder in a pond ?" said the bowman, 
 pointing to the vessel at her anchorage — *' I 
 wish you could only see her gilt stars astern— 
 look at her figure-head, glittering like a guinea 
 in the sun, as much as to say, — ' there's take the 
 shine.' — Twig her bottom, as bright as a new- 
 coined copper : — that's scudding, not scouring,-^ 
 old boy I — Look at her bulging bow — grad'ally 
 
 * The painted mouldings along a ship's side are termed, in 
 nautical language, ribbons. 
 
 •y Scouring. — Many vessels were in the habit of scouring 
 their copper, to give it a bright appearance. 
 
40 SAILORS AND SAINTS* 
 
 swelling from the sarfus up — for alJ the world 
 like a lady's bosom, shored-up by a taut pair o' 
 stays. — See her sticks,* how they stand — stayed 
 to an affigraphy;t— there's yards, for you — as 
 square as a die ; — did you ever see such white 
 and well-stowed hammocks afore ?" 
 
 " Oh, the craft's very well," said Tiller, — 
 ("Right a-head, Sir!" sung out Thomas, perceiv- 
 ing the lieutenant now at a loss for his way to the 
 stream) — '^ the craft's very well herself — but — " 
 
 " But — but what now ?" interrupted Tiller's 
 companion ; " if you could only haul up the lid 
 o' your t'other top-light, you'd see she was more 
 nor well." 
 
 " Come — come — steady a bit — right your 
 helm — you needn't be in such an infarnal taking 
 — I was only going to ax — what sort of officers 
 you' a-got." 
 
 * Masts. 
 
 t Asailor's term for a nicety. — " Exactness." — As little rea- 
 son, perhaps, can be given for the use of the term in this 
 sense, as for calling a beverage, made out of burnt biscuit 
 and water " Ge-o-graphy." 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 41 
 
 " Officers ? — why there's not a bad-un aboard 
 —the skipper's a sailor himself, — and what's 
 more, a sailor's friend — his face 's like a summer's 
 morn, it smiles on every thing it looks." 
 
 " T) n your smilers — I can't abide 'em — 
 
 I'd put as much trust in a smiler as I would, — 
 aye, in a compass-card nailed to the deck." 
 
 " Well, but I tells you he's none o' the sort — 
 he's none o'your chaps as 'ave always a smile on 
 their mug for a lady ashore, and a frown on 
 their phiz for a fellow afloat." 
 
 " But is he a fellow," said Tiller, " as is always 
 the same?— can stand up, as well under his 
 canvas on one tack as t'other ? — none o' your 
 skippers for me as are pleased in port and savage 
 at sea — I've seen enough o' them sort o' chaps, 
 as are only polite among petticoats. — Where was 
 
 two fancier fellows wi' the women nor P 
 
 and P ? see them a taunto, in their shore- 
 going togs, and you'd swear, from their bowing 
 and scraping, and sending for'ard their pates, 
 as they stuck out their starns, they were a pair 
 
42 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 o' your regular-built, parlee-voo hop-kickers — 
 But get 'em once in blue water — once out 
 o** their sweet scented suds, and see what a Bil- 
 lingsgate battery they'd open on all as corned 
 under their fire." 
 
 " But damn it, man, doesn't I tell you," re- 
 turned the bowman, rather warmly, " that he's 
 none o' the sort at all ?" 
 
 " Well, then — what sort are the rest o' your 
 officers ? — kase, you know, one chafed strand's 
 enough to condemn a whole cable. — (Straight 
 on, under the cliff. Sir," said Tiller, again hail- 
 ing the lieutenant) — " what sort o' chaps are 
 they?" 
 
 " Why, there's the first lieutenant, to be sure, 
 gets sometimes a-head of his reck'ning — does 
 things hand over hand, in a hurry — but thei^e's 
 the boy," said the bowman, pointing to Burton, 
 who was too far a-head to overhear their conver- 
 sation — " that's the boy as can box the brig 
 about — ^he can do more wi' the watch than 
 t'other could do with all hands — He's the smart- 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 43 
 
 est young fellow I ever see'd in my day, and 
 never axes a man to do more nor he can do him- 
 self, — I 'members one morn, lying moored at 
 Spithead, when the first leaftenant was ashore 
 on leave, and he was left dicky aboard, and, 
 bekase we wasn't^r^^, as usual, in crossing to'- 
 gallant yards — may I never see light if he didn't 
 send the sticks upand down thirteen times afore he 
 piped to breakfast — and the twelfth time, he got 
 so vexed (what no man afore ever seed in the ship) 
 that he sings out to Bob Law, the second captain 
 of the fore-top, as was rigging the upper yard- 
 arm at the time — ' Either you or me,' says he, 
 ' Mister Law, 's a tailor/ — ' / sarved my time to 
 the sea,' says Bob. — ' Then the sea sarved out a 
 lubber^' says t'other — what puts Bob, you know, 
 so much on his pluck, that, singing out loud 
 enough for all hands to hear him aboard, ' Fd 
 like,' say S.Bob, * to see the fellow in the fleet, 
 as could rig an upper-yard-arm smarter nor me.' 
 — ' You would, would ye ?"* says the leaftenant, 
 with the blood flying up in his face — ' Here, 
 
44 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 Stowel,' says he, to the master, ' send the yards 
 up,' sajs he, and flying forward, he flings off 
 his coat on one of the guns, runs aloft like a 
 lamplighter, and afore he gets fairly a foot in 
 the top, he sings out, * sway away, master, damn 
 it, don't wait for me, man !' Well, you know, 
 tho' there wasn't a man in the brig that wouldn't 
 go further, aye, further than Fidler's Green for 
 him — still, it wasn't in natur, you know, to let 
 poor Bob be beat by a gemman — so, you see, they 
 makes the devil's own run with the yard rope, 
 to sway the upper-yard arm out of his fist, but 
 he was too sharp for 'em all— for he bevelled it so 
 well at the mast head, as he held the lift-and- 
 brace in both hands, that the stick flew thro' 'em 
 just like a fair leader — and there was the fore- 
 to'-gallant yard across, aye, half-a-minute afore 
 the main was rigged." 
 
 <' Well," said Tiller, " I suppose Mr. Law, 
 as you calls him, looked a bit blue ?" 
 
 " Why, you may suppose he dropped his 
 peak, as soon as the leaftenant comes down on 
 
8A1LORS AND SAINTS. 45 
 
 deck, and says, with a sort of swagger, * There, 
 my man, you see^^ says he, ' you see, I never 
 axes another to do what I couldn't do hetter 
 myself!' — ' Well,' says Bob, cheering up a bit, 
 so as to clinch the concern at once, ' I declare 
 to my God, Sir,' says he, ' I axes your pardon, 
 but I didn't think 'twas in mortal man to beat 
 Bob Law at any thing aloft — and I'm blowed,' 
 said he, ' if I turn my back to another in the fleet 
 
 'sides yourself.' 1 doesn't know whether this 
 
 palaver o' Bob's pleases the leaftenant or no, but 
 I knows, ever since, they've both taken together 
 as nat'ral as brandy and water." 
 
 They had now reached the watering-place, 
 and the lieutenant expressed himself satisfied 
 with its appearance. Observing to the bowman 
 that it would require no great length of hose 
 to fill the casks, he speedily rejoined the boat's 
 crew on the beach, and pulled for the brig. 
 
46 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 DANDYISM. 
 
 The first request 
 
 He made, was, like his brothers to be dress 'd. 
 
 Dryden. 
 
 Already all was activity on board. The 
 yawl and cutter had been hoisted out off the 
 booms, and filled with breakers (let not the 
 landsmen be alarmed) and empty casks. The 
 crews had been piped away by order of the 
 senior lieutenant, and the movement was only 
 interrupted by the ringing of the captain's bell, 
 and the appearance of the orderly, requesting 
 the attendance of the lieutenant in the cabin. 
 
 It was remarked of the commander, that when- 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 47 
 
 ever accident or indisposition prevented his doing 
 the duties of his station, in person, he was more 
 particularly tenacious that those, on whom it de- 
 volved, should strictly adhere to the maxims he 
 had laid down for the government of the brig, 
 in almost every possible case. Acquainted with 
 every detail of duty, he had often felt the harass- 
 ing inconvenience to which men, and the best 
 men, are often put, by the want of foresight and 
 method evinced by officers in the most ordinary 
 points of service. To meet emergencies of this 
 nature, he had framed a brief code of regula- 
 tions, applicable to his own ship's company. 
 His anxiety to attain a high state of discipline, 
 and at the same time ensure the comforts of his 
 crew, induced him continually to make additions 
 — Still, much was necessarily left to the discre- 
 tion of his officers. The present was one in 
 which he considered that discretion injudiciously 
 exercised — 
 
 " Had you not better, Mr. Hasty," said he, 
 to the first lieutenant, as he had entered the 
 
48 SA.ILORS AXD SAINTS. 
 
 cabin, " wait until the arrival of Mr. Burton, 
 who can tell whether water is conveniently, or 
 at all, to be obtained here ?— I'm always afraid," 
 added he, in an under key, when he found they 
 were left to themselves, " of men going on shore 
 without certain occupation — they sometimes 
 straggle from the beach, and get drunk ; and 
 though our's are pretty true to the brig, are not 
 infrequently tempted to desert." 
 
 " Burton, Sir, has some time shoved off from 
 the shore, and will be soon alongside," returned 
 the lieutenant. 
 
 " The less reason for hurry ; — but here. Hasty, 
 look at this chart of the harbour; — I think we 
 might lie further in shore — I see by the cross- 
 bearings, you have brought up in the outer part 
 of the ' Bange' — see, weVe six, and five fathoms 
 close under compass point — here we should lie 
 more sheltered from the open sou'-wester, and, 
 there is quite room enough to veer, should it 
 come on to blow — besides, we shan't be idle 
 
SAfLORS AND SAINTS. 49 
 
 while we are here, and it will save the boats* 
 crews unnecessary toil." 
 
 Whilst pointing out the destined birth of the 
 brig, Burton came down to *^ report himself 
 returned. He detailed the occurrences which 
 took place, and the certainty of procuring pro- 
 visions and water, with the invitation of Captain 
 Crank to his commander. 
 
 Unaccountable as it may appear to any but 
 the female reader, the circumstance of Crank's 
 fair niece having joined in the request was not 
 mentioned. — Possibly arising from the suppres- 
 sion of this inducement, the valetudinarian ex> 
 pressed no inclination to accept the proffered 
 civility ; and the lieutenant, now more at ease 
 as to any apprehensions that the odds were 
 against him, or that two epauletts might be more 
 attractive than one, solicited permission to dine 
 on shore — a permission which was not withheld, 
 as Burton threw out a politic hint that the 
 advice of the veteran might be turned to pre- 
 sent advantage. 
 
 VOL. I. J) 
 
50 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 Burton had scarcely closed the door of the 
 cabin, before he cried out in the steerage pas-^ 
 sage — " I say, sergeant, send my boy aft, and 
 one of the ' party,' if you please, to pipe-clay my 
 white pantaloons." 
 
 " Pass the word for'ard for the boy Barnes," 
 cried the sergeant. 
 
 " Sing out there for Skilly galee- Jack," said a 
 saucy top-man, hauling up the slack of his 
 trowsers. 
 
 " Him mus'na come — him turning a pit," 
 cried the captain's black cook, with that air of 
 authority so peculiar to the sable race when in 
 office. , 
 
 From all outward signs, the boy certainly 
 seemed better calculated to turn the spit, than 
 ever to succeed in the higher walks of the pro- 
 fession ; and, so far, the intuitive instinct of the 
 savage at the coppers, proved a better guide in 
 determining the bent, and perhaps, capabilities, 
 of the ill-starred urchin, than the more aspiring 
 pretensions of his affectionate parents; who, 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 51 
 
 very judiciously, as it had been whispered, sent 
 bira to sea to learn manners. — The first week, 
 however, he had instinctively discovered the 
 galley to be his province. — Here, by a total neg- 
 ligence of his person, (notwithstanding the in- 
 spection and drill, to which boys are subject in 
 the service twice-a-day) and a ready acquies- 
 cence in the various drudgeries imposed by his 
 black superior, he had become a domiciled 
 favourite ; and his services frequently preferred 
 to those of youths less ambitious> — And here a 
 reflection may suggest itself, on the prevailing 
 taste in officers of the navy for African at- 
 tendants. It has been the fashion ever since the 
 days of Benbow — no inglorious epoch, by the 
 by. Were we in the habit of hunting for 
 something recherche^ in the shape of a precedent, 
 this practice with respect to poor Quamino^ whoj 
 all the world knows, often proudly traces his 
 lineage up to sable royalty itself, might be sup- 
 posed to originate in the classical recollection, 
 that the vain glorious Romans imagined their 
 D 2 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOU 
 
52 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 voluptuous dainties acquired a higher rehsh 
 when served up to table by royal captives. — As 
 to some of the " births" occupied on board by 
 our Negro brethren, even the amiable Wilber- 
 force himself might augur, that the appoint- 
 ment originated in humane feeling.— But as to 
 the cook, Jack uniformly and artlessly attri- 
 buted it to the " Negur^' being born in the torrid 
 zone, and therefore better able by *' natnr" to 
 bear the burning fervours of a galley-fire in the 
 dog-days. 
 
 From reflections far less philosophical than 
 the preceding, our lieutenant was roused by 
 hearing the bell strike seven,* 
 
 What ! Powers that be ! is that seven bells ? 
 — only half an hour to rig and run ashore. — 
 Come, Lively," said he to his boy, who had 
 reluctantly relinquished his post of honour to 
 another youngster — " Come, — send the barber 
 aft in a minute."" 
 
 " Aye, aye. Sir," said the same loquacious 
 * Seven bells half-past three. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 53 
 
 top-man, who happened to be standing at the 
 fore part of the steerage passage, and who ap- 
 peared to be one of those " privileged men," or 
 rather licensed wits, that may be found in every 
 ship in the service. — " Pass the word there for 
 « Lathering Bob.' — Tell him to bear a hand aft : 
 the second leaftenant wants his muzzle-lashing 
 off in a crack." 
 
 " I'll muzzle you. Sir," said Burton, " if I 
 hear any more of that sort of singing out about 
 the decks ;" when, retiring to the gun-room, he 
 continued as he rummaged his pockets, " I say, 
 steward, did you see my keys any where ? — But 
 it's ever the way when one's in a hurry.^ — Come, 
 Mister Purser, no tricks upon travellers ; — these 
 sort of practical jokes are very well in a mid- 
 shipman's birth ; — besides, they are but a poor 
 recompense for my performance of your duty." 
 
 '' My duty !" replied the purser, in a cynical 
 tone, — " I'm on the doctor's list. — Some one 
 must have taken the ' demand' for beef on 
 
54 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 shore, or we should have had no fresh grub to 
 have stopped your grumbling mouth.'" 
 
 " Pleaze, Sir, all the blading's out this week 
 past/' interrupted Burton's domestic, drawHng 
 out his words monosyllabically. 
 
 This intelligence was quickly succeeded by 
 another of almost as pleasing a nature. — The 
 marine to whose fostering charge the lieutenant's 
 holyday inexpressibles had been consigned, ap- 
 peared at the gun-room door with a woeful face, 
 and preluding with a scratch of the head, reported 
 ^— " The pantaloons, Sir, are rather out o' condi- 
 tion.— They must have been put by wet and got 
 mildewed. ^Besides, Sir, here's an ugly blotch 
 of port wine in front. — IVe been trying to coax 
 it out with a little hot pipe-clay, but I can't 
 come it. — I was thinking, if so be, Sir, as you 
 must wear 'em, that you'd better keep a small 
 bit of pipe-clay in your pocket, and touch 'em 
 now and again as soon as they gets dry enough ; 
 but you'd better let them be, till you gets in the 
 wind." 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 55 
 
 " In the wind ! — curse you, I believe you're 
 all in the wind.*" 
 
 Some one with hurried foot came tumbling 
 down the after ladder, and announced, " Sir, 
 there's a whift* flying ashore, and the first lieu- 
 tenant thinks it for you." 
 
 The rapid announcement of one calamity after 
 the other, (for calamities they must all be con- 
 sidered by a man in a hurry), strongly reminded 
 him of the perplexities of that pattern of patience 
 mentioned in sacred history, and he resolved to 
 bear all his misfortunes with the equanimity 
 of his parallel ; but unluckily this composure 
 was destined to be short lived, for in his eager- 
 ness to expedite his dressing, he the next moment 
 thrust his heel right through his stocking. The 
 weight of his woes, aggravated by this addi- 
 tion^ interruption, overcame all his self-posses- 
 sion, and with a hearty imprecation he shouted 
 out, " What next ? — any more of Job's com- 
 forters .^" 
 
 * Whift.— An ensign tied up transversely, so as to fly folded 
 up at the extremity nearest to the mast, or flag-staff. 
 
56 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 Irritated as he was by these occurrences, what 
 must have been the effect produced on his too 
 sensitive ear by the report of a gun, or, as ladies 
 would denominate it, a cannon from the shore ? 
 Another of the messengers alluded to, deter- 
 mined not to lose this too fortunate opportunity 
 of trying his temper, " sung down" the skylight, 
 *' Mr. Hasty says that's for you. Sir, and you'll 
 be too late for dinner " 
 
 The report of the gun was echoed by a crash 
 below, arising from the violent contact with the 
 beams above of a boot -jack, which lay too con- 
 veniently close to the hand of the irritated 
 lieutenant, as he hove it at the messenger's 
 head, exclaiming, *' and that's for you, young 
 fellow." 
 
 The pantaloons were again exhibited, whilst 
 Lively prostrated the tawney-coloured boots at 
 his feet. This was too much for his philosophy. 
 It was impossible, he thought, to make his 
 appearance before the sex in such shabby attire* 
 Not a lawyer's clerk at assizes — not a barber's 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 apprentice parading Hyde Park on a Sunday — 
 or a Jew rigged out on the shabbash in some of 
 "his best saleable second-hand clothes, thought 
 he, but must appear more gay and debonair in 
 the eyes of the sex. 
 
 " D n it," cried Hasty, opening the sky- 
 light hatch, " you're as long bedizening as a 
 bride, and all for that old buffer on the hill. 
 — One would think you were bracing up for a 
 ball ; or rigging out for a levee of syrens. — Come, 
 better bear a hand, the people are going to 
 supper presently, and then we won't be able to 
 spare you a boat.'* 
 
 *' Spare !" said Burton, " that'*s just like 
 you ; it's long before you'd spare one even a 
 bottle of blacking, and when I do go on shore, 
 (which is seldom enough,) I should like to sup- 
 port the character of the cloth." 
 
 " Well — rather than have a cannonading from 
 
 the old boy's battery ashore, I'll rig you out to 
 
 the nines. But here we have it," continued 
 
 Hasty, moving from the skylight, and pointing 
 
 d3 
 
58 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 his glass out of one of the port-holes, in the 
 direction of the cottage — " here we have it, for 
 there comes the gunner with a red-hot poker.'* 
 
 Having so said, he despatched his servant for 
 the necessary essentials for Burton, premising in 
 a whisper — " By no means let him have my best 
 shore-going swab.'* 
 
 This intimation given with respect to the 
 poker, was no false alarm, for the conclusion of 
 Hasty's speech was accompanied by a reverbera- 
 tion of echoes from the neighbouring hills, which 
 sufficiently testified that much longer delay 
 would be fatal to the festivities of the evening. 
 " What a provoking hurry !" cried Burton. 
 " On deck there !" cried the captain, through 
 his sky-light, which was usually kept open when 
 the weather was fine — " What guns are those 
 firing ? — Any thing in distress in the offing ?" 
 
 " No, Sir !'• replied Hasty, '' only Mr. Bur- 
 ton in distress for time and togs — I've relieved 
 him from one embarrassment — perhaps you'll 
 extricate him from another, and save time, by 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 59 
 
 allowing the gig to land him. — Indeed, it may 
 be best for ourselves," added the first lieutenant, 
 rather drily ; " for the old gentleman ashore 
 seems so peppery, I should'nt wonder if the next 
 guu was shotted !" 
 
 " Come, Hasty," said the captain, '* that's 
 rather a wild conjecture — ^but it's not fair to 
 taunt poor Burton — he may yet have the laugh 
 against you. — Man the gig, and land him at 
 once, and tell him to say something civil to the 
 old gentleman for me." 
 
 With one spring from his cabin-door, on to 
 the gun-room table ; a vault upon deck, aided 
 by the rim of the skylight, he hastily descended 
 the brig's side, and jumped into the boat, ere 
 she had been completely manned. But his flight 
 was not unattended by defeat ; for the boat ha^ 
 hardly reached her destiaation half-way, when 
 he thought he perceived the coxswain eyeing his 
 dress with a significant look, as if he had de- 
 tected his borrowed plumage. 
 
 " Why, coxswain," said Burton, " you seem 
 
60 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 to be overhauling my rigging very closely— is 
 there any thing amiss ?" 
 
 " I doesn't exactly know, Sir; but it looks 
 to me, Sir, as if you'd carried away the weather 
 topping-lift of your trowsers — the lee-leach, you 
 see. Sir, is as slack as water." 
 
 "Curse it! if I hav'n't carried away my 
 braces springing up that infernal skylight. — 
 Back water your starboard oars — no, avast there 
 — give way again — won't do to go back to the 
 brig — I'll make shift with one o'yours." 
 
 " Mine^ Sir !" said the coxswain, startled at 
 the lieutenant's entertaining the idea that a sailor 
 ever wore a suspender in his life — '•' Mine, Sir ! 
 ■ — I hope you don't take me for a soger, Sir ! — / 
 never wants any thing to keep the eyes of mjt/ 
 rigging from slipping down over the hounds 
 o' the mast. — But here's a bit o' rope yard in 
 the bottom o' the boat." 
 
 " Why, Bill," said the bowman, " there's a 
 piece of dry parceling in the locker abaft, as 'ill 
 make a good preventer-brace on a pinch." 
 
SAILOES AND SAINTS. 6l 
 
 " That's right, Jones," said the lieutenant, 
 brightening up at the bowman's suggestion — 
 ** that's right, my man — put me in mind to-mor- 
 row to give you a glass of grog for the 
 thought." 
 
 " Eye, — eye. Sir," cried Jones, with good- 
 humoured dryness — " Vll freshen your memory, 
 if youHl only freshen the nip." 
 
 Casting a glance once more at the flag-staff on 
 shore, and dreading any further expenditure of 
 powder from that quarter, he was fain to avail 
 himself of the bowman''s substitute, and consult 
 the coxswain, instead of his mirror, as to his ap- 
 pearance. That arbiter of fashion, after examin- 
 ing the lieutenant as fastidiously as a boatswain 
 would a ship, when employed in a boat ahead, 
 squaring yards, and repeating the usual com- 
 mands on such occasions — 
 
 " Top away on your starboard lift— now lower 
 a little o* your larboard —hold-on of all — there 
 you are. Sir," — concluded with the consolatory 
 assurance that all was now " square by the lifts 
 
62 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 and braces, and every thing taught fore-and- 
 aft.^' 
 
 Despite of the embarrassments which accom- 
 panied the making up of his toilette, all which 
 might well be considered to operate as a draw- 
 back upon his personal appearance, Burton, 
 though like many a beau of the first water, in 
 clothes not his own ; might be pronounced a gen- 
 tleman-like, and, as the phrase runs, a well-look- 
 mcF fellow. If we were not convinced that those 
 who may peruse these pages will be of a class 
 above ordinary readers of romance, we might 
 have achieved the task of describing him in a 
 strain of hyperbole suited to the too prevalent 
 taste of our day, thus — " The enamoured lieu- 
 tenant was above the middle height, and though 
 rather slender, well-proportioned. His step was 
 elastic, his carriage commanding ; an ingenuous 
 candour diffused itself over his features, which 
 were finely turned — intelligence sat upon his 
 expanded forehead, and in moments of mirth or 
 relaxation, a sparkling vivacity beamed from 
 
SAILORS AXD SAINTS. 63 
 
 those dark eyes which in other moods had been 
 seen to inspire confidence in the bosom of his 
 companions in arms, and awaken terror in the 
 foe.'' — This might suit some palates, but the 
 appetite for viands so highly seasoned in per- 
 sons of taste begins to pall. We prefer the more 
 modest mode of attempting a short description 
 in a very few negatives, and are prepared to 
 admit merely that he was not of that class of 
 men so often seen lounging in Regent-street all 
 day in gentle couples, disguised like Jew Rabbi, 
 with a profusion of long hair on their faces, and 
 still longer spurs of the order " Pedestrian," 
 on boots fated never to bestride their master's 
 horse ; nor yet one of those sprigs of fashion 
 seen nightly lounging in Hudson's or Pontet's, 
 smoking with all the gravity of Turks the well 
 husbanded cigar, in order to kill time cheaply, 
 or mope away the hours devoted by men of 
 sense to cheerful conversation after dinner, or 
 that national English predilection for the com- 
 forts of the family fire-side circle. — In a word, 
 
64 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 he was neither a fool nor a fop ; and yet, * ba- 
 ting' all these disadvantages, he seemed not a 
 very unlikely man to cut out his own fortunes, 
 or what is pretty much the same now-a-days, 
 make his way among the women. 
 
 The boat had already been beached, and with 
 a light step on shore and injunction to the cox- 
 swain to remind the first lieutenant to send a 
 boat for him at gun fire, he ploughed his way 
 almost knee-deep through the shingle, and as- 
 cended to the cottage. 
 
 The consciousness that the general movements 
 must have been all distinguished from the 
 veteran''s window, and that the scrutinizing eye 
 of Crank had brought his favourite telescope to 
 bear upon his person as he approached the shore, 
 by no means contributed to allay his anxiety as 
 to an appropriate apology for his delay. — The 
 petty embarrassments which caused it, could not 
 even have been hinted at.— He had, therefore, 
 to draw on the fertihty of his imagination, which 
 alternately suggested that the boats had all 
 
SAILORS A^D SAINTS. 65 
 
 been despatched for water — that one of the gig's 
 thawts had been carried away in the morning — 
 that the carpenter took longer to repair it than 
 expected — and, finally, that there was some diffi- 
 culty in obtaining leave from his captain at so 
 busy a period. — From all concern on this head 
 he was relieved by the unaffected cordiality of 
 his reception — Crank contenting himself with 
 simply stating in allusion to the shots fired, that 
 it was always his maxim afloat, when folk were 
 either napping, or slack in stays in answering a 
 signal, to open their ears, as well as their eyes, 
 with a gun. 
 
66 SAILOKS AND SAINTS. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 THE COTTAGE. 
 
 A ship's a sailor's house, d'ye see. 
 
 Sea So7ig. 
 
 There was a peculiarity in the construction 
 of the cottage, which, however at variance with 
 the prevailing taste in architecture, harmonized 
 precisely with the wants and wishes of its pro- 
 prietor. The apartments were all on the ground 
 floor. Crank having, as he expressed it, served 
 so long in a liner, and being so sickened of tum- 
 bling down hatchways, and trotting up ladders, 
 that he was determined to end his days under a 
 single-decked roof, and to have every thing in it 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 67 
 
 flush fore-and-aft ; in which sentiment, if such 
 it may be called, every officer who has served 
 on board a similar ship will assuredly sym- 
 pathize. 
 
 The dining and drawing rooms communicated 
 with each other ; but their occasional separation, 
 which, in any other man's house, would have 
 been effected by doors, were here accomplished, 
 at the proprietor's express desire, by what he 
 termed two " slidlng-guntersJ'' These were 
 pannels running in grooves within the walls, 
 and were constructed of massive mahogany — 
 Crank asserting that " thick bulk-heads were, in 
 many respects, very conducive to comfort, not 
 only keeping out wind and weather, but what, 
 in his mind, was of greater importance — 
 ' woman's talk.' " 
 
 The furniture in these rooms was arranged 
 with that nautical nicety so peculiar to the pro- 
 fession. The chairs were of a cottage pattern ; 
 but where the votary of music would have pre- 
 ferred a lyre, the spirit of the tar broke out in 
 
68 
 
 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 substituting for their backs the more appropriate 
 emblem of the " foul-anchor,*' which in either 
 morning visits, or after dinner, frequently fur- 
 nished an illustrative topic for the information 
 of his rustic and gaping visitors. The floor, as 
 is usual in admiral's cabins, was covered with 
 green baize ; and a splendid '' Union Jack," 
 worked in worsted by the hands of the fair 
 Emily, served the ostensible purpose of a rug, 
 and concealed the inhospitable hearth. — Inhos- 
 pitable — it however was ; for Crank had a sea- 
 man's prejudice on the subject, and would not 
 for w^orlds have suffered friend or foe to tread 
 on it. The preservation of this singular regu- 
 lation was pregnant with much difficulty, and 
 an occasional remonstrance from his sister as to 
 its absurdity, with respect to a hearth-rug ; 
 which, in all other houses, she argued was the 
 very centre of social comfort. To this his con- 
 stant rejoinder was — " Damme, it shall never be 
 said where Lve the command, the Union-Jack of 
 •old England was trampled under foot." — This 
 
SAILORS Al^D SAINTS. 69 
 
 served him as summer logicj but with the ap- 
 proach of winter the enthusiast found his ground 
 no longer tenable, and was obliged to enter into 
 a compromise, not without a passing regret as to 
 the honour of the flag, by laying it up in ordi- 
 nary for four months in the year. 
 
 As things stood now, '' a preventer-brace '*^ 
 of brass surrounded it, as if to warn the in- 
 cautious stranger this was consecrated ground. 
 The curtains were of mazarine blue, and, under 
 the superintendence of Crank, were fitted by 
 Tiller with regular " buntlines " and " leech- 
 lines,'' like those attached to the courses of a 
 ship. Indeed the fitting of these curtains not 
 only drew forth from the veteran's sister many 
 a remonstrance, but was a source of constant 
 warfare between them ; one wishing them made 
 more congenial to modern taste, whilst the other 
 would frequently accompany his determination on 
 the subject with an earnest asseveration that, " as 
 long as the breath was in his body, every cur- 
 
70 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 tain in the cottage should clew and brail-up, 
 man-o'-war fashion.'* 
 
 A handsome brass bracket projected from the 
 wall on a scroll, the purpose of which, in its 
 present state, it was not now easy to divine; 
 but, whenever an attack of gout assailed his 
 master, Tiller was wont to affix thereto a tail 
 block, or pully, through the sheeves of which 
 he reeved a regular topping-lift of silken cordage 
 connected with the falling leaf of the patient's 
 chair, so that he could either raise or lower the 
 afflicted member at his pleasure ; if we may be 
 pardoned for the profanation of using the term 
 pleasure^ under circumstances of such exquisite 
 pain. 
 
 Proof impressions of the most celebrated naval 
 battles, by Loutherhourg^ and exquisite sea 
 views by Vernet^ in costly frames, fantastically 
 carved with conch- shells, tritons, and dolphins 
 en suite, adorned the walls of both apartments. 
 In the intervals between the pannels, portraits of 
 
SAILORS A2sID SAINTS. 71 
 
 the favourite naval heroes of his time were most 
 appropriately introduced. — High above the rest, 
 and in the post of honour, stood in massive 
 gilding, a spirited representation in water- 
 colours, by an able artist, under the anxious 
 suggestion and critical correction of the captain 
 himself (albeit, not a draughtsman), of the ever 
 memorable victory of the twelfth of April, (1782) 
 at the moment the Count De Grasse had struck 
 to the gallant Rodney. 
 
 At the opposite end of the drawing-room, on 
 a handsomely-mounted marble slab, taken from 
 the grotto of Antiparos by his boat's crew, 
 whilst he was employed in protecting our trade 
 in the Levant, stood a complete model of a first- 
 rate-man-of-war ; on ordinary occasions, co- 
 vered by a frame of plate-glass, edged with blue 
 and gold. On festive occasions, when uncovered, 
 a polite intimation on Tiller's best crow-quill 
 hand was appended, advertising the unwary to 
 beware in the following characteristic words : 
 
72! SAILORS AND SATKTS. 
 
 *' Landsmen and Lubbers are requested not 
 
 to come xvithin a Boat-JwoJc's length of 
 
 the 
 
 boyne:' 
 
 The window blinds were, like the cottager's 
 chest of drawers, 
 
 Contrived a double debt to pay." 
 
 and being covered on the inside with charts of 
 the Channel, the West Indies, Levant, and Catte- 
 gat ; either excluded, as Crank jocosely would 
 say, '' the light when too strong, or threw a 
 light on the subject, when lubbers were in the 
 dark." — Indeed so deeply devoted to his pro- 
 fession was the veteran, that he could not 
 dispense with an allusion to it in the minutest 
 details of his household. — Every bell-pull was 
 an anchor — on every door-nob grinned a Triton, 
 or other sea-monster ; — and in a handsome 
 emblematic entablature over the curtain of the 
 oriel window, where Britannia was represented 
 
SAILORS a:nd saints. 73 
 
 as receiving the homage of the marine divini- 
 ties ; by some characteristic perversity, old Nep- 
 tune, instead of being in an appropriate posture 
 of deference, occupied by far the most pro- 
 minent place in the group ; and shook, rather 
 too triumphantly, his trident over the head of 
 the endeared emblem of our native land. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
74 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 " CURIOSITIES OF LITERATURE.'** 
 
 And there's a Novel ! 
 
 * * « * 
 
 Will rose in declamation. — " Tis the bane/' 
 Says he, *' of youth — 'tis perdition : 
 It fills a giddy female brain 
 With vice, romance, lust, terror, pain, — 
 With superstition.'' 
 
 Geo. Colman. 
 
 A RAPID survey of the apartments and their 
 embellishments, served to give our young friend 
 a tolerable insight into the character of his host. 
 However singular the mode which he had 
 adopted to shew his veneration for the service, 
 the ardour which must have dictated it could 
 
 * D' Israeli, Sen. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 75 
 
 not fail to entitle him to the esteem of a young 
 officer devoted, as he had been, from boyhood 
 to the profession of his choice. 
 
 The dinner party consisted of the veteran's 
 sister already mentioned, Emily, a Miss Wilson, 
 and a favourite intimate, or ami de la maison, 
 who, though professionally engaged in the com- 
 position of drugs, had almost as marvellous a 
 talent at the detection and decomposition of 
 culinary effluvia, as the celebrated yet unhappy 
 Accum himself; or, in common parlance, could 
 scent a good dinner, during an afternoon's ride, 
 as staunchly as ever fox-hound did the fresh 
 traces of reynard. It was his custom on all 
 occasions, when the scent lay well, to make a 
 circuit, as if in pressing haste, to a remoter 
 patient, and carefully time his return so as to 
 catch the family on the eve of dinner. In the 
 present instance, however, he was an invited 
 guest, and in all the dignity of both medical 
 adviser and confidant of the family, took his 
 seat, according to arrangement, by the lady of 
 e2 
 
76 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 the bouse. In the selection of her friend, Emily 
 had disdained the trite maxim of feminine 
 politics, never to introduce a rival into the field, 
 but in that much conned code, she had artfully 
 enough preserved its spirit, and selected her fair 
 companion for the day from amongst the less 
 lovely daughters of Eve. A school intimacy 
 between the girls had ripened into that descrip- 
 tion of friendship, if such a convenient liaison 
 can be called, so usual in "each shade of 
 many coloured life,"*' compounded of gentle ac- 
 quiescence on one part, and condescending 
 patronage on the other. However dissimilar 
 the aspect of the parties in such intimacies, the 
 object and end are almost invariably the same, 
 and may be said to be comprised in that expres- 
 sive monosyllable, self. 
 
 The soup had hardly been served, when the 
 captain, casting an ominous glance at his sister, 
 exclaimed — 
 
 " 'Pon my word, sister, this savours strongly 
 of the fore-hold. — Why, Thomas," said he, 
 
SAlLOfiS AND SAINTS. 77 
 
 turning to his faithful dependant, '^ you know 
 if the cook of the Grampus had sent up such 
 soup to the cabin as this^ he would have walked 
 the weather netting for a whole dog-watch." — 
 Then, addressing the lieutenant, he apologized 
 by saying — " But, Sir, this is not one of our 
 jubilee-days." 
 
 " I'm sure,"* said Mrs. Crank, interrupting 
 the captain, " my brother may spare himself 
 any further apology, when the gentleman must 
 be aware we were rather taken by surprise. — 
 But it all comes from the captain's preference 
 for pea-soup, though he knows it takes such a 
 long time in preparation " 
 
 To relieve his hostess from this assailant, 
 Burton politely invited her to take wine. 
 
 "Aye, aye, Thomas, put the wine on the 
 table," said Crank — " decanted as I ordered ? 
 — Take Madeira, I believe, sister .f^'' accompany- 
 ing the interrogatory with a significant glance 
 at Tiller, and two or three tugs at the cape of 
 his coat. — "understand, Thomas?" 
 
78 SAILOllS AND SAIKTS. 
 
 The signal was not only seen but understood 
 by Tiller, who repeated it with the same pre- 
 cision as a frigate in the fleet, Tiller's right 
 hand pulling his collar emphatically three times, 
 and placing at the head and foot two decanters 
 of wine, to say the least of them, obviously of 
 two very different vintages. Burton, who was 
 expert at all the art and mystery of exchanging 
 signals at sea, amused himself in endeavouring 
 to detect the secret cypher of this correspond- 
 ence. Had it been three flags one above the 
 other, differently coloured or diagonally cut, 
 some probable inference might have been drawn 
 as to the general subject of communication. 
 But three tugs of the collar of a man's coat had 
 about as much meaning to him on shore, as if 
 he had seen three match-tubs traced up to the 
 brig's mast head. That there was something 
 in the wind, he was convinced ; but as it was a 
 private signal, and evidently not meant for him, 
 he was content, for the present, to bridle his 
 curiosity, hoping that some clue might yet be 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 79 
 
 given to its development. But, for the infor- 
 mation of the reader, it will here be proper to 
 intimate that a practical piece of economy had 
 lately been introduced at Camperdown Cottage, 
 which consisted in the substitution of " Cape " 
 for a better order of wine, whenever the veteran 
 was observed to grasp the cape of his coat ; for 
 in bottling off their last pipe of port, it was 
 agreed between both Tiller and his master, that 
 " good wine was thrown away upon women." 
 
 For a few moments there was a pause, when 
 Crank put a question to the lieutenant, which 
 doubtless was suggested by the association of 
 ideas on a subject uppermost in his mind. 
 
 *' I suppose, Mr. Burton, youVe changed 
 your numerals very often since my day. — 
 What's number one now ?" 
 
 Here Senna, seeing an opportunity for a little 
 trite waggery, expressed his surprise at the 
 question, observing, that ever since the creation, 
 number one always meant one-self. 
 
 "Come,'' cried Crank, "it's not often you 
 
80 SAtLORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 put in your oar before the decks are cleared, 
 doctor ; but there you're at home, for no one can 
 keep a sharper look out for that signal than 
 yourself. — But seriously, I wish, Mr. Burton, 
 you would sketch me a copy of the present 
 code — though, I suppose, letting fly the top- 
 gallant-sheets, like two blocks and a marling- 
 spike, both stand for the same thing still ?'' 
 
 Here Emily, imagining the conversation was 
 dipping too deep into nauticals for the taste of 
 her female friend, struck oft' at a tangent to a 
 more familiar subject, and said — 
 
 " I should think you gentlemen of the navy 
 must have plenty of time for literary pursuits ?" 
 
 " Oh, plenty, my dear," said Crank — " par- 
 ticularly when beating off a lee-shore with 
 hatches battened down.— Eh, Mr. Burton — had 
 her there, eh ?'' 
 
 "Why, Sir, these are things in which the 
 ladies afford us little sympathy. — There is no 
 romance with them in any thing short of a ship- 
 wreck." 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 81 
 
 "Romances!'^ cried Crank, "for heaven's 
 sake don't talk of them — T hate them," and then 
 glancing at his sister, added — "they're worse than 
 those tracts of yours. — Their high-flying phrases 
 turn young women's heads end-for-end, and 
 make them as sentimental and squeamish as 
 Berbadian Creoles. — Besides, I can't abide 
 your shining suns and shady bowers. — D'ye 
 think the reader cares a pin whether the sun rose 
 in a blaze, or set in a bank .?* — And after all 
 their sickening stuff about darting beams, and 
 bursting billows, and such like shore-going trash, 
 they invariably omit to mention the most ynate- 
 rial point!" 
 
 "Pray what may that be, uncle .'^" asked 
 Emily, with excited curiosity. 
 
 " What? — why ihewind, to be sure !" 
 
 " Right, Sir, right,"~exclaimed Burton, 
 ready to choke with laughter. 
 
 " To be sure. Sir," said Crank, imagining the 
 
 ♦ Fog-bank. 
 E 3 
 
8^ SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 laugh was all on his side. — '' Mark the wind— 
 may make a pretty sure guess at the weather. — 
 Never want more, when Tiller calls me in the 
 morning, than to tell me the quarter it's in. — 
 Enough for me — regulates my rigging for the 
 day." 
 
 " Yet, Sir, I should apprehend," said Senna, 
 drawling out his words in a pompously pedantic 
 tone — " that the gout was often as a — symp- 
 tomatic of the weather as the wind. — The a — 
 body, I assure you, is no bad barometer. — 
 Though, to be sure, there are winds which, 
 by-the-by, philosophically speaking, from their 
 pestiferous property, should rather come under 
 the a — denomination of what we naturalists term 
 blasts — but there are winds, or blasts, I should 
 say, felt, if I mistake not, at Falkland's Island, 
 which a " 
 
 " What the devil, doctor, do you know about 
 the Falkland Islands ?" interrupted Crank. 
 
 *' Why, Sir, the philosophic mind, as the 
 divine Cowper says,'' glancing at Mrs. Crank, 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 83 
 
 " ' sucks intelligence from every source.' — And 
 if we may depend on the a — topography of the 
 place, the — a " 
 
 ''The whatr cried Crank.--'- Why damn 
 it, doctor, that's something like double Dutch 
 coiled against the sun !'' 
 
 " A legitimate phrase, I fancy V^ said Senna, 
 appealing to Burton for assent. — " Yes, Sir, if 
 the topography of the Pacific be correct, the 
 island is subject to periodical visits — or, I should 
 rather say," again eyeing Mrs. Crank, " visi- 
 tations of Providence which considerably tend 
 to increase the a — bills of mortality." 
 
 " The bills of mortahty !" said Emily. "• I 
 thought they extended not beyond the confines 
 of London.^" 
 
 " Possibly, Miss. — But I assure you the 
 blasts in question, mow down the grass like a 
 scythe — parch up the leaves of the trees — fish, 
 flesh, and fowl, are alike subject to their fatal 
 effects. — The latter are seized with cramps, 
 from which they never recover. — Neither fric- 
 
84 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 tion, nor a — antispasmodics are of any avail — 
 swine are suffocated— adults drop down with a 
 sort of throttling in the thorax, and children die 
 with the croup, accompanied with acute catarrhal 
 symptoms !" 
 
 "• Gracious Heaven !" exclaimed Mrs. Crank, 
 " so fearful a visitation from Providence must 
 originate in divine vengeance at their heathenish 
 wickedness. — Are not all those islanders rank 
 idolaters .?" 
 
 Senna was too much a sceptic on some of the 
 doctrinal points here embraced, to be caught in 
 so formidable a concession. — He had a polite 
 waiver in all such cases, which left every point 
 at issue open, and to this he had recourse in the 
 present instance. — 
 
 " Possibly, Madam," said he, resuming his 
 subject, — "and if we can place any reliance on 
 the authority of Gregory — (Gregory, I mean, 
 on the Economy of Nature — the divine doctor, 
 as designated by us lovers of truth,'* here lay- 
 ing a peculiar emphasis on the word ' us,' ac- 
 
SAILORS AXD SAINTS. 85 
 
 corapanied by a glance at the lady, which would 
 have been the making of any recruiting officer) 
 — " If we can safely take him as authority — 
 there is some reason to suppose that electricity, 
 and a chemical knowledge of the a — atmospheric 
 fluid, have, in some degree, improved our im- 
 perfect acquaintance with aerial currents." 
 
 " Currents !'' cried Crank — " Why d n it, 
 
 man, I was talking of winds— I suppose you'll 
 next touch on the tides? — I tell you what it is, / 
 don't want Doctors of either Physic or Divinity 
 to teach me the effects of the wind or weather 
 on either man or beast !" 
 
 "No, I assure you," said Emily, smiling, 
 " my uncle is something like Hamlet — ' When 
 the wind's southerly, he knows a hawk from a 
 handsaw.' " 
 
 '' Where did you come by that precious 
 phrase ? That's more of your romance stuff,*" 
 pettishly exclaimed the old gentleman. 
 
 " Well, brother," said Mrs. Crank, in a con- 
 ciliatory tone, — " I must confess, though no 
 
86 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 friend to the general tendency of romances, they 
 are certainly very often replete with instances of 
 poe tical description . ' ' 
 
 " Poetical description !" exclaimed Crank, 
 " stuiF — I hate your rhymers. — We'd a fellow 
 of that sort in the old Bam,* whose rhymes so 
 turned his brain, that Fm shot, if he didn't plan 
 a project to set fire to the ship, merely to have 
 an opportunity of describing the effect of the 
 flames on the water. — What d'ye think of your 
 poetr}^ now ? — Had her there, Sir, eh ?'* 
 
 " Nay," replied Senna, " that's arguing from 
 an a — abuse of the art, to the art itself." 
 
 " What's that you say, Sir?"" said Crank, 
 sharply. 
 
 '' He is contending," returned Burton, '•'• that 
 the insanity of the poet, in this instance, is no 
 argument against poetry itself. — Though, to be 
 sure, as Fielding says, * Monsieur Romance 
 performs his surprising tricks of dexterity.' " 
 
 * A familiar abbreviation for Ramilies. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 87 
 
 " Well, but there's your great poet, Pope,'^ 
 said Crank, " who tells us ' whatever is, is 
 right.' — Now, v/as it right for poor Captain 
 Towlins' agent to break with two thousand 
 pounds of his client's money in his pocket? — Was 
 that right? — I think that's a poser for your 
 poetry ! — Put to the question — weVe yawing* 
 from our course. — Do they ever mention one 
 word about the wind .?" 
 
 " Wouldn't you think, uncle,'"' sdd Emily, 
 " a description of the bearing of the wind very 
 silly in such a passage as that which I was 
 reading this morning.? — I think it ran thus,'"* 
 added she, hemming to recollect herself, and 
 she proceeded, assuming a softened tone — " ' It 
 was a lovely summer's evening. — The sun had 
 sunk behind the western hills with more than 
 usual splendour. — A softened roseate tinct had 
 diffused itself over the landscape, which was in 
 effect but a faint reflection of the gorgeous glory 
 
 * Digressing. 
 
88 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 of the vault above. — In fact, it was one of those 
 moments so favourable to thought and reflec- 
 tion, when it may be said nature itself stands 
 still.' — What would you think, now, of such a 
 description being spoilt by the writer intro- 
 ducing his nautical knowledge to inform the 
 excited reader that the wind was nor-west and 
 by east, or whatever you may term it ?" 
 
 " Avast there, my dear, with your nor-west 
 and by east. — You ought to have your ears 
 boxed for not knowing better how to box your 
 compass. — But I think all that preamble might 
 as well be saved, and say at once, it was a fine 
 summer's evening, with a light air from the 
 westward. — It would have spared the reader a 
 deuced deal of time, and, no doubt, the writer a 
 vast deal of knitting of brow s and bothering of 
 brains. — And as for nature standing still — I 
 think I see the sun bringing up with his lower 
 limb under the lee of a cloud for twenty-four 
 hours, or the moon heaving-to with Ms horns on 
 his head, because some unfortunate frail one 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. oH 
 
 happened to be seized with a fit of reflection 
 after dishonouring her husband and disgracing 
 herself. — No, no, none o' your romances for 
 me — give me Roderick Random — Peregrine 
 Pickle, or something of that sort of stamp — 
 there you've nature to a tee — naked to the life. 
 
 That Smollet was a d d clever fellow — I'm 
 
 told, too, he was little better than a loblolly- 
 boy — but those pestle-and-mortar gentlemen 
 are frequently long-headed folk — raise a mutiny 
 in a ship as soon a blister." 
 
 Whether this was intended by way of a side- 
 shot or not at Senna, it would be injudicious to 
 interrupt the narrative here to determine, but 
 certain it was, many questionable looks were 
 exchanged at table. Crank, however, uncon- 
 scious, or affecting not to feel the force of his 
 remark, continued thus addressing his niece: 
 
 " Come, Miss Emily, let's try you on another 
 tack. — Thomas, fetch me that book you'll find 
 face down on the drawing-room table, with the 
 condemned mark on the back." — Then, taking 
 
90 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 the volume from Tiller, he continued—" Aye, 
 here we have 'em thick and dry — what d'ye 
 all think of this ?" said he, as he proceeded 
 to read aloud a passage in a playfully pompous 
 tone — " Now mind ye, this is from a work pro- 
 fessing to call itself a Naval novel — 
 
 " 'And breasting her broad-bow to the billows, 
 she dauntlessly cut through the foaming fluid, 
 as the huge ship bore up^ gallantly against the 
 wind.' — 
 
 " Now, doesn't that sound very fine ! — 
 Bump-a-bump-a-bump — and what is it after 
 all ? — Why downright nonsense ! — Who ever 
 heard of a ship bearing" up in the wind's eye. — 
 But here we have it again — ' And whilst she 
 froxvned full upon her foe, she belched forth a 
 flood of fire and smoke, accompanied by a beU 
 lowing roar, that mocked the surly moanings of 
 the sleepy ocean.' — Now, mind the folly of 
 this. — Here's a fellow talking about b. foaming 
 fluid, when, almost in the same breath, he tells 
 you the sea was asleep — wonder it wasn't snor- 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 91 
 
 ing — ! Well, now, what's the English for all 
 this belching and bellowing ? — Why, that one 
 ship hove up in the wind, as she crossed her 
 adversary's hawse on the opposite tack, and 
 poured in a raking broadside, that sent her stag- 
 gering astern. — But another of these chaps, I 
 recollect, tells us, when describing the destruc- 
 tion of two Turkish vessels by fire — that ' the 
 burning ships were checked by a sudden wind — 
 they turned half round — seemed to reel and 
 shake I then down they went with a bubble and 
 a hiss r* — Now, had the fellow only left their 
 sticks above water, he might have compared 
 their foundering on fire to the fizzing of a red- 
 hot poker thrust in a pot of porter. — But, 
 perhaps you think I exaggerate. — Believe your 
 own eyes," said the veteran, handing the lieu- 
 tenant the volume, and flinging his spectacles 
 on the table in a pet. 
 
 * Should there be any anachronisms by possibility here, the 
 parties most interested doubtless will not fail to point them 
 out — suffice it to say, it was not at Navarino. 
 
92 SAILORS AXD SAINTS. 
 
 " Ah ! these are sad prosers. Sir," said 
 Burton. 
 
 " Prosers, Sir ! I don't know what they are 
 — for there's nothing in their noddles but trash. 
 — They put me in mind of a collier in a head- 
 sea — kicking up a bobbery under the bows, and 
 making a great foam and froth without advancing 
 a fathom a-head in a watch." 
 
 *" Well, but, uncle, you must allow that 
 another of these novelists presents us with a 
 glowing and spirited painting of a naval en- 
 gagement ?" 
 
 ** Aye, aye, I remember the passage; pretty 
 painting indeed ! — I call it daubing. — I wonder 
 what the Lords of the Admiralty would think 
 of an official despatch filled w ith long rigmaroles 
 of the ' deep blue sea being dyed with blood,' 
 and such romance-like trash — wouldn't their 
 lordships be justified in superseding the writer 
 for insanity ? — How much better a letter of this 
 Bort would look in the gazette — ' Sir — I have 
 to request you will be pleased to inform my 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 03 
 
 Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty — (for 
 you must know, I hate your hacknied way of 
 broaching the business by a prayer) — that at 
 noon, this day, when standing on the starboard 
 tack, lat. and longitude so-and-so, — wind, sow- 
 west-and-by-west (mind the necessity of that)^ I 
 discovered the enemy's fleet broad on the lee- 
 beam — made the signal for battle — bore up in 
 a line a-breast — broke the line — found, after 
 four hours action, yard-arm and yard-arm, fif- 
 teen, as per margin, of the enemy's fleet had 
 struck. — Inclosed is a list of killed and wounded. 
 — I have the honour to be, &c. &c.' — There 
 you have it, short and sweet. — That's my idea 
 of the thing. — Besides, don't you think that 
 fifteen sail of the line, standing into Portsmouth 
 harbour, with the British flag flying over the 
 French, says more on the subject than a volume 
 as big as the Bible.? — Come, pass the wine, 
 Mr. Burton.'" 
 
 Hitherto it might be said, in the captain's 
 own phrase, it was all ' plain-sailing' with him ; 
 
94 SAILORS AND SAINTS 
 
 he had had it all his own way ; but this allu- 
 sion, or any of a similar nature, was sure to 
 awaken a discord in the family concert. — Not- 
 withstanding the eager volubility with which he 
 was pursuing a favourite sentiment, he per- 
 ceived his error, by the compressed lip and 
 enlarging dimensions of his sister-in-law, as she 
 drew up with all the marks of offended feeling 
 at the unnecessary, and because unnecessary, 
 profane, allusion to sacred writ. In his present 
 state of excitement, any interruption was not to 
 be endured. Although rapidly hurrying to the 
 climax, he resolved, somewhat at the expense 
 of his consistency, to evade rather than contest 
 the point ; and the fair champion had hardly 
 entered the lists, by saying she could not see 
 any possible justification for so very improper, 
 and so unprofitable an allusion to that vene- 
 rated volume, when he eagerly interrupted 
 her — 
 
 " Well ! well, sister : allow me just this 
 once ; and if you'll take but a turn with your 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 95 
 
 tongue * for a few minutes, Til not only agree 
 with you in what you have said, but in what 
 you may say for the next six months." — And 
 then resuming his subject, he concluded his 
 oration — " As for my part, I never look at a 
 long-winded despatch without dreading to come 
 to the conclusion; for they are mostly either a 
 mere pretext for self praise, or a lame apology 
 for losing a laurel.*' 
 
 Burton, who had alternately felt disposed to 
 join in the triumph of his host, or to laugh at 
 his dexterity in parrying his sister's interrup- 
 tions, partly with a view to prevent a repetition 
 of the latter, and partly through a desire to 
 display an equal jealousy for the honour of the 
 service, assured the captain, that though he 
 had looked at the passage, he could see nothing 
 in it but sheer ignorance ; whilst in a passage of 
 another author, which he had lately looked over, 
 he had detected the most palpable, unmerited, 
 
 * Hold-fast. 
 
96 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 and malignant libel, on the character of our 
 seamen, ever yet published. 
 
 Tiller, who had contented himself with taking 
 only that respectful part in the ' entertainment,' 
 sanctioned by the usages of * polite domestics,' 
 consisting of a subdued smile, or a significant 
 shrug, now stood with his eyes distended, his 
 mouth half open, and his body inclined towards 
 the lieutenant, so as to form an angle of about 
 twenty-three degrees out of the perpendicular, 
 in an attitude of anxious attention. Burton 
 took from his pocket his tablets, and proceeded 
 to read, with very marked emphasis, the fol- 
 lowing extract — 
 
 " ' I have had considerable experience in the 
 characters of English seaman, and I'm far from 
 believing them to be that open-hearted, gene- 
 rous, thoughtless race of men, they are imagined 
 to be by those who are not intimately acquainted 
 with them. On the contrary, I know them to 
 be like all uncultivated beings, hnavish, selfish, 
 and malevolent ; and I don't hesitate to state, 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 97 
 
 that, on observing them off their guard, they 
 will be found to be a vicious and unprincipled 
 band.' "* 
 
 A groan, which startled Senna and the ladies, 
 escaped Tiller at the conclusion of this sentence, 
 who endeavoured to conceal his error by bust- 
 ling about in his vocation ; but such was his 
 want of self-possession, that in placing a caraft 
 of water by his mistress, he over-reached himself, 
 and pressed on her shoulder, who resented this 
 inadvertence by shrinking from him, and ex- 
 claiming sharply — " What's the matter — where's 
 the fool lying ?" — The poor delinquent, whose 
 copper tinge now gave place to an honest blush 
 of the deepest scarlet, exclaimed with warmth — 
 
 " I axes your pardon. Ma'am, but it's not 
 me that's lying.''"' 
 
 " 'Pon my word," said Emily, '' Thomas is 
 a wit." 
 
 " Rather say a wag," cried Senna, who would 
 
 * A similar passage to this appeared in a recent publica- 
 tion. 
 
 VOL. I. F 
 
98 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 have entered into a long dissertation on the dis- 
 tinctive shades of difference between wit and 
 waggery, had he not been interrupted by the 
 old gentleman, who forgetting he was the first 
 that introduced the book on the table, desired 
 Emily to order it off, observirjg, that " books 
 were very well in their way, but should not 
 be crammed down people's throats with their 
 meals."" 
 
 Emily defended herself by saying, that the 
 turn of the conversation had led to their pro- 
 duction. " Besides," said she, '' they serve us, 
 like Mr. Burder, with ' materials for thinking.*"' 
 
 " Thinking, my dear ! — what business have 
 you to tidnk at dinner .^ — No, no, hang thinking 
 — it spoils digestion. — See what it has done for 
 your mother ! — But — come, gentlemen, put 
 some wine in your glasses, and I'll give you a 
 toast, which I'm sure we'll all drink with 
 pleasure." 
 
 The request being complied with. Crank 
 raised his brimming glass, and, to the surprise 
 
SAILORS AXD SATXTS. 99 
 
 of Burton, who had also filled a bumper, gave 
 a toast which he had by no raeans anticipated — 
 *' Come, I'll give you," said the veteran, "the 
 health of the ladies who are about to leave us." 
 
 Burton almost hesitated for a moment whe- 
 ther he should comply with the zvill of his host, 
 clogged as it was by a codicil which cancelled 
 the compliment. — He was, how^ever, too much 
 of a disciplinarian not to comply with the order, 
 yet could not refrain, whilst putting the wine 
 to his lips, from looking an apology to Emily, 
 and dropping so much of the toast as referred 
 to the prospect of losing her society. 
 
 " Well !""* said Emily, smiling — " it's no «'on- 
 der gentlemen of the navy are complimented for 
 their gallantry !" 
 
 The sarcasm was felt and attempted to be 
 parried by the lieutenant, as he rose to open 
 the door through which Mrs. Crank and the 
 young ladies retired. But he was recalled to 
 his station by the captain, who, in a tone loud 
 enough to be heard by the fugitives, exclaimed 
 F 2 
 
100 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 — " Come, now, let's make ourselves comfort- 
 able for a while, and have a regular set-to at 
 nauticals. — It will be quite a treat, I assure 
 you, Mr. Burton." 
 
 As the conversation assumed a totally dif- 
 ferent tone the moment the door closed on the 
 ladies, out of compliment to them we shall close 
 this chapter. 
 
SAILORS AXD SAINTS. 101 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 DOCTORS DIFFER. 
 
 "These are studies, wherein our noble and gentle youth 
 ought to bestow their time in a disciplinary way." 
 
 Milton. 
 
 '* Dispute it like a man, 
 
 I shall do so : 
 
 But I must also feel it like a man." 
 
 Macbeth. 
 
 *' Well, now tell me candidly," said Crank, 
 as soon as Burton had resumed his seat, — " what 
 brought you into such an out-o'-the-way port as 
 this .-* — you scarcely ever see a man-o'-war bring- 
 up in the Range.'^ 
 
 " Why, Sir, the fact is, our captain is a con- 
 
102 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 siderate, sensible man; and though the phraise 
 may be rather unpopular in the service, — a 
 sailor's friend. — Our cruize has been none of the 
 shortest — we've had a deal of bad, and par- 
 ticularly wet weather, for the time of year, and 
 some little rest is really essential to the ship's 
 company's health." 
 
 " Then," cried Crank, '•' I wasn't very far 
 out in my reckoning this morning, after all : — 
 you know, I told you, I thought you came in 
 for a skulk — had you there, eh ?" 
 
 " Pardon me. Sir," said Burton, assuming a 
 serious tone, " Captain Staunch is actuated by 
 very different motives, I assure you. — He is ac- 
 knowledged to be one of the most active cruizers 
 in the channel, and as such, seldom puts into port 
 — but when he returns from sea, after a long and 
 harassing cruize, he is more desirous his crew 
 should find harbour a place of rest, than a place 
 of annoyance." 
 
 " Place of rest, indeed ! — I wonder what the 
 Port- Admiral, at Plymouth, would say to such 
 
SAILOUS AXD SAINTS. 103 
 
 lawyer-like logic ! — No, no — young man ; — want 
 to make prize-money — you must banish rest 
 from your thoughts. — Agree with me, eh, 
 Doctor r 
 
 "Why, Sir," said Senna, " it''s an axiom with 
 us, that occasional depletion, is not more re- 
 quisite to the body than repose : — and might I 
 presume to prescribe, I mean," (said the doctor, 
 recovering from his lapsus,) " to offer, an opinion 
 upon the pint, I should certainly say, that well- 
 timed relaxation — or rather, recreation — for j-e- 
 laxation frequently tends to enervate the system, 
 — I should say, well-timed — a — a — recreation, 
 for every thing depends upon timing things 
 well — well-timed recreation might be safely ad- 
 ministered—or rather resorted to by way of 
 sedative to seamen after a protracted lab— I 
 mean," said he, again correcting himself — " a 
 tedious and fatiguing service." 
 
 The absurd pomp with which Senna usually 
 dogmatized, was but little calculated to excite 
 respect for the orator, however fluent the profes- 
 
104 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 sional diatribe. — Burton began to discover that 
 most of Senna's science, or more properly speak- 
 ing, mystery, consisted in the reiteration of 
 technical terms ; and an unsuitable application 
 of professional phrase to ordinary topics. — In a 
 word, though he stood on no mean footing in his 
 own estimation, the doctor was but the fag-end 
 of the faculty. 
 
 After Senna had finished his oration, Crank 
 exchanging glances with Burton, then staring 
 the apothecary full in the face, exclaimed — 
 " Ton my word. Senna — I think you'd make a 
 capital first Lord of the Admiralty. — Had him 
 there, eh, Mr. Burton ? ' 
 
 " 1 wish we had him there," said Burton, 
 waggishly — " for if Lavater may be depended 
 on, the lineaments of reciprocal patronage are so 
 strongly characterized in the doctor's counte- 
 nance, that I'm sure the merits of his hospitable 
 host would not long remain unrewarded." 
 
 '« Bravo ! bravo !" cried Crank — " Why, Sir, 
 you're brisk as a bottle of ale in the dog-days. — 
 
SAILORS AND SAII^TS. 105 
 
 See, doctor, see what time does ! — D — n it. Sir, 
 in my days, a lieutenant, unless it was to clap 
 something into his mouth, never attempted to 
 open it, at any other table than his own. — But I 
 say," continued the veteran, addressing himself 
 immediately to Burton, — " I say, let me give you 
 a little friendly advice — don't let any of the Big- 
 wigs ever hear you even hint, that rest is essen- 
 tial to seamen. — Work 'em, Sir — work 'em ! — 
 that's the way to have 'em in health — keeps the 
 scurvy out o' their bones. — Don't give them 
 time to think, and they won't trouble you with 
 tcdk, — Indulgence indeed ! — Mischief you mean ! 
 — for the one's sure to follow the other. — No, 
 no, Sir ! — work 'em — work 'em that's my 
 maxim !" 
 
 The emphatic manner in which Crank ex- 
 pressed himself on the subject of the treatment 
 of seamen, had more the effect of putting Bur- 
 ton on his metal, than damping his ardour for 
 debate.—" I am sorry, Sir," said he, " with 
 due deference to your practical experience, that 
 r3 
 
106 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 in this instance, I cannot entirely assent to yout 
 maxim. — Why, let me ask you. Sir, should 
 those, who enjoy all the luxuries of the land, 
 and who, during the most tempestuous weather, 
 are lounging on pillows of down, refuse to a 
 ship's company, which, in all probability has 
 been fagging hard to fill the coffers of their 
 superiors, some little recreation on returning 
 into port ?^ 
 
 " That's all very fine talk, about lounging on 
 pillows of down —but pray how are you to refit 
 your ships, if your system of recreation be 
 adopted?" 
 
 " Refit, Sir .? — With much greater ease, than 
 has ever hitherto been effected in the service, if 
 a proper, and well-matured system, were but 
 once established. — For instance, the moment a 
 ship arrives in port, let her ^wants'' be tele- 
 graphed to the Admiral's office, specifying the 
 particular periods when she could probably be 
 in readiness to receive each description of her 
 stores and supphes : —for in the attempt to 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. '107 
 
 execute business of this sort with dispatch, 
 whether it be the fitting out of a frigate or a 
 fleet, as much depends upon rnetJiod, as on 
 time and tide." 
 
 '* Very good, Slr,'^ said Crank, " though I 
 hate your Methodists as T do the devil ; I 
 Hke, in my heart, a methodical man. — Pity 
 that shot didn't rake my sister ! — Had she 
 been here, I'd a' had her there, eh ? — But go 
 on with your system. — Hate all interruption — 
 that's my maxim." 
 
 With difficulty Burton could refrain from 
 laughing aloud at the singularity of the veteran's 
 affecting to adopt a precept, which he now 
 plainly perceived to be so little in accordance 
 with his practice. 
 
 " Well, Sir," said the lieutenant, resuming 
 his subject, " as soon as a ship had made known 
 her ' wa7its,' her stores (so as to suit the time 
 and tide previously specified) should be shipped 
 into lighters by the labourers of the yard, or the 
 convicts of the hulks : for I maintain, that sea- 
 
108 SAILORS A^^D SAINTS. 
 
 going ships should be totally exempt from 
 * dock-yard duty.' — Were this the case, with 
 vessels so circumstanced, their return into port 
 would be hailed with pleasure by the crews ; 
 whilst, according to the existing system, harbour- 
 duty becomes, positively, more harassing and 
 annoying to seamen, when in such ports, than 
 even their arduous duties when cruizing at sea. 
 — Your own experience. Sir, must have afforded 
 you opportunities of witnessing, when employed 
 in fitting out at Spithead, or Caw sand Bay, the 
 disheartening scene of a launch* full of men, 
 pulling against a lee-tide*|* for hours together on 
 a stretch ; and at length compelled to give up the 
 ' tug,' and return wet, cold, and comfortless to 
 their ship, without having performed the service 
 for which, as it is technically termed, they were 
 specially 'dispatched.' — All this waste of toil and 
 time may be fairly attributable, in the first in- 
 
 * The long-boat of a ship of war. 
 
 t When the wind and tide are adverse to the progress of the 
 boat or vessel. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 109 
 
 Stance, to want of precaution and forethought in 
 choosing the time judiciously for sending the 
 boats on shore. But this cannot always be 
 attended to — for dock-yard duty must be done 
 in dock-yard hours ; — and the party must leave 
 the ship betimes, whether the tide is contrary or 
 otherwise,— This is too often labour lost; and 
 instead of its being any economy of time or ex- 
 pense, (which would appear to be the object in 
 view) the party ' dispatched"* might have been 
 profitably occupied on board ; and the duty 
 effectually performed by the convicts on shore. 
 Indeed, in all cases, the convicts appear to be the 
 persons best adapted for doing shore duty : both 
 because they are at hand on the spot, and that it 
 is desirable the crews of ships just returned from 
 hard service, should not be subjected unneces- 
 sarily to the unavoidable drudgery of this par- 
 ticular duty. — But no, Sir, it would appear — at 
 least, if we may judge from the careful anxiety 
 evinced by these (as they may be termed) cus- 
 todes morum — " 
 
110 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 " What ship's that V interrupted Crank. 
 
 " I would say, Sir," continued Burton, with 
 a smile, "that it would appear, the overseers of 
 these disciples of Turpin, Barrington, and com- 
 pany, were more solicitous to promote the health 
 and longevity of this respectable community, 
 than higher authorities were to add to the popu- 
 larity of the service, or to study the comforts of 
 our seamen."* 
 
 " Why how do you mean, Sir?" asked Crank, 
 assuming a quarter-deck air. 
 
 " I mean, Sir," said Burton, in an easy and 
 unaffected tone, which was strongly contrasted 
 with that of his host, " that should a slight 
 shower of rain even threaten to fall upon the 
 hallowed heads of these colonial candidates, they 
 are instantly called in under shelter ; whilst 
 poor Jack^ ashore or afloat, is condemned to 
 work in all weathers." 
 
 * It gives us great satisfaction to be enabled to admit, that 
 since the late auspicious change in our naval administration, a 
 highly laudable anxiety has been displayed to increase the 
 comforts of our seamen. 
 
SAILORS AND SAIXTS. Ill 
 
 " Work in all weathers ! to be sure. Sir," 
 said Crank. — ** See here, Mr. Senna," for Crank 
 liked not a long argument better than a good 
 auditor — " See here, Sir— blow high, blow low, 
 I'd always find something for seamen to do. — 
 
 D n it, Sir, I'd make them polish a two-and- 
 
 thirty pound-shot ; aye, and blacken it again, 
 after it was brightened, rather than let them be 
 growling, or idling about the decks with their 
 hands in their beekets." 
 
 Senna, who possessed the peculiar tact of being 
 able to accommodate his principles to all parties 
 in dispute, whilst preserving the appearance of 
 according with the last speaker, had now re- 
 course to his favourite phrase ^'just so," which 
 was invariably uttered in a tone of approba- 
 tion. 
 
 *' To be sure. Sir !" said Crank, thinking he 
 had the best of the argument — " If you want to 
 rule the seas — you must rule the sailor with a 
 rod of iron. — Work-up JacJc, as you would old 
 
112 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 junk : and the devil's in't, if you don't draw the 
 ' rogue's yarn'* in the end." 
 
 " I am sure Mr. Senna will agree with me," 
 said Burton, intending a slight sarcasm at both 
 Crank and the cautious and complaisant apo- 
 thecary, " that at all times it is better to acknow- 
 ledge our ignorance than betray it — for I con- 
 fess, I have yet to learn the principle of justice, 
 upon which the captain would found his system 
 of discipline."" 
 
 " I suppose now," cried Crank, " you think 
 that a regular-built pauler ?"-f- 
 
 " No, Sir," returned Burton, in a tone of 
 deference ; '' I only mean to assert, that upon 
 your principle of discipline, you render inope- 
 rative, the salutary system of rewards and pu- 
 nishments. — Why impose on any set of men, 
 but particularly seamen, duties, which they 
 
 * Rogue's yarn — the white thread in all king's cordage, to 
 detect theft. 
 
 t Pauler, or stopper— an unanswerable objection. 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 113 
 
 themselves know to be useless ; and which must 
 consequently savour of tyranny and oppression P 
 —What think you, Mr. Senna ?** 
 
 '* Just sOy'' replied the dealer in drugs, with a 
 slight nod of approbation at Burton, which, 
 however, escaped the eye of his host. 
 
 '* I tell you what it is, young man," said the 
 veteran, immediately addressing himself to Bur- 
 ton, and in a tone evidently intended to make a 
 deep impression on the mind of the lieutenant — 
 " wait till you grow grey in the service, and 
 then you'll know better !" 
 
 ^^Justso,'^ reiterated Senna, without, how- 
 ever, venturing to assign any reason for thus 
 appearing to agree in opinion with two persons 
 whose sentiments on the same subject were so 
 totally opposite. 
 
 Anxious as Burton felt to join the ladies in 
 the drawing-room, he was not altogether disposed 
 to concede to his superior the point in dispute. 
 — " Whether, Sir," said he, " my professional 
 conduct will ensure me the good fortune even to 
 
114 SAILOllS AND SAINTS. 
 
 retain my name on the list, much more the 
 honour of growing grey in the service, my pre- 
 sent opinion is Hkely to remain unchanged on 
 the expediency of allowing to seamen occasional 
 recreational, as well as the impropriety of im- 
 posing on them unnecessary and annoying 
 duties. 
 
 " How often does it happen that a ship, 
 running in from stress of weather, has scarcely 
 taken up her birth, before the signal is made her 
 to ' take the guard^ whilst the boats of the 
 ^guard-ship' (a misnomer by-the-by) are not 
 unfrequently employed pulling ladies about the 
 harbour on parties of pleasure : — to say nothing 
 of the hurry-worry system unnecessarily prac- 
 tised of pushing returned ships out of port, 
 scarcely giving time to the officers to get even 
 their clothes washed ?" 
 
 " C/o^/i^<s washed, indeed!" interrupted the old 
 gentleman, in a tone of astonishment. " Many's 
 the time. Sir, when on short allowance of both 
 soap and water, IVe thought it a capital catch, 
 
SAILORS AXD SAINTS. 115 
 
 whenever I succeeded in coaxing the cook out 
 of the pea-soup drainings o' the coppers, to wash 
 my own shirts in myself,^ — What do you think 
 of ^/ia^, Mr. Senna?" 
 
 " I think," rephed the apothecary, perceiving 
 that an opportunity was here offered to display 
 his slight smattering of chemistry and botany — 
 " I think, Sir — the— a — vegetable matter con- 
 tained in the a "" 
 
 ** Damn the vegetable matter, — but what d*ye 
 think of a fellow being obliged to turn his own 
 washerwoman P" 
 
 Burton here burst out into a loud laugh — 
 whilst Senna, after pausing some moments, as if 
 evidently at a loss for an appropriate reply, at 
 length ventured to say, that he *' thought the 
 captain better calculated to cut a figure in the 
 larder than the laundry." 
 
 " Why, yes/' retorted Crank, who never lost 
 
 * This is no exaggeration — though perhaps a luxury un- 
 known to the pence-officers of our service — aliter — officers who 
 have entered the mxy since the peace. 
 
116 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 an opportunity (as he termed it) of ' hulling the 
 doctor.' — " I must say, that ^Mangling done 
 here^ wouldn't exactly suit my shop as well as 
 yours — ha ! ha ! ! ha ! ! ! — Had him there, eh, 
 ]Mr. Burton ? — Come, pass the wine after that." 
 And here we may remark, that Crank's double 
 was not altogether inappropriate — for the apo- 
 thecary's predilection for phlebotomy was pro- 
 verbial ; the lancet was as frequently in his hand 
 as were alkali and acids in his mouth. — Luckily 
 for the richer classes, his practice among them 
 was limited ; and the poor fared better at his 
 hands, or rather at nature's ; to whose fostering 
 and restorative care, he in most cases of doubt 
 (that is, as to remuneration) abandoned them, as 
 the most economic, and perhaps, he felt from 
 experience, the less dangerous practice. — He 
 treated all distempers, as if originating in over- 
 repletion ; and radically went to work by empty- 
 ing the pockets of the sufferer, as the surest way 
 to strike at the root of all intemperance. — Thus 
 his prescriptions, like the nostrums of the adver- 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 117 
 
 tizing portion of the faculty, were adjusted on 
 the principle of a cobbler's last, and served in- 
 discriminately for a variety of patients, very 
 dissimilarly affected. Senna was so far from 
 feeling any thing like compunction on the sub- 
 ject, that he used, on occasion, to assert, — that 
 " it was useless to stand upon trifles with 
 patients, who had the constitutions of horses." 
 
 No sooner had Crank recovered from a sharp 
 fit of coughing, occasioned by too long indulging 
 in his laugh against Senna, than turning to the 
 lieutenant, he exclaimed — '' Come, Sir, — say 
 your say out — you know, I hate to interrupt a 
 man in the thread of his argument." 
 
 " I was about to observe," said Burton, 
 " that though many of our hcma fide ' griev- 
 ances,' had been redressed, in consequence of 
 the regulations introduced into the service, sub- 
 sequent to the mutiny at the Nore ; yet it is 
 to be regretted there still exist in the service so 
 many real annoyances. — For instance, it not 
 unfrequently happens, that some young, fan- 
 
118 SAILOTIS AND SAINTS. 
 
 tastic fop of a flag-lieutenant, who in all pro- 
 bability is more au fait at fanning a flirt, than 
 spilling a sail, deprives a vessel of a small com- 
 plement of men ; or perhaps, the best part of 
 her ablest hands, who might be employed in the 
 execution of some indispensable duty on board, 
 
 because " 
 
 " Because," interrupted Crank, in a sneering 
 tone, " he made the signal to knock-off" work too 
 soon, 1 suppose ?" 
 
 " On the contrary," said Burton,— " such a 
 
 thought never enters their heads " 
 
 '* Well, but how do they deprive a vessel of 
 the use of her ablest hands P"*"* 
 
 " Why, Sir, I have seen instances, where one 
 of these beardless boys, has taken it into his 
 head, in token of his brief authority, to make 
 the signal for a lieutenant to appear at the Ad- 
 miral's office, for the sole purpose of copying 
 some such trifling * port-order,' as — ' that mid- 
 shipmen may be permitted to wear round hats 
 on duty ; provided they mount the cockade and 
 
SAILORS AND SAINTS. 119 
 
 loop.' — Now, Sir, instances of this sort have too 
 frequently occurred, when it has been blowing 
 so fresh, as to require a double-banked boat's- 
 crew, to convey the officer on shore. — And thus 
 it is, I say, that a small vessel, like the Spitfire^ 
 is liable to have her ablest hands broken-off from 
 an essential duty, because, forsooth, the flag- 
 lieutenant has not the discrimination to perceive 
 that this important intelligence might be com- 
 municated at any time, and certainly at a period 
 less calculated to excite discontent — to say 
 nothing of the tendency such ill-timed, and 
 capricious interruptions may have, in impeding 
 the progress of a ship when fitting out in haste 
 for some particular service—" 
 
 '* Come, come — there's something in that. — I 
 say, doctor," i^aid Crank, accompanying the 
 remark with a shrewd nod of his head — " I say, 
 it doesn't appear to me exactly, that Mister 
 Burton wears his brains in his boots.'' 
 
 " Just so,^- said the sage disciple of Galen, 
 
120 SAILORS AND SAINTS. 
 
 who knew the full value of a phrase which 
 meant anything or nothing. 
 
 Here Tiller appeared, with an invitation to 
 join the ladies at tea; a proposition cordially 
 received by the lieutenant, whilst the old gen- 
 tleman, looking at the doctor hesitatingly, in- 
 quired whether he might not call for another 
 bottle of claret, before they returned to the 
 ladies. — The doctor, who had his cue on this 
 subject, as well as many others, from the lady of 
 the house, shrugged up his shoulders, and very 
 pedantically, in Burton's mind, quoted from 
 Juvenal, the hne : 
 
 " Pauper locupletem optare podagram-—'* 
 
 to prove, that poor men only, pine for a 
 paroxysm of gout. — The veteran, conceding 
 credit to the quotation, for containing un- 
 answerable arguments against further vinous 
 indulgence, accordingly arose with his friends, 
 and repaired to the tea-table. 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 121 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 
 
 They gazed upon the sunset ; 'tis an hour 
 Dear unto all. 
 
 Byron. 
 
 The appearance of the gentlemen was greeted 
 by the smiles of the ladies, who sat round a 
 large window, opening on a green lawn, quietly 
 enjoying an extensive land and sea prospect of 
 singular beauty. The features of the coast were 
 bold and peculiar ; the heights rich in vegeta- 
 tion ; the slopes of the opposite shore were now 
 deeply enveloped in shade, as the sun rapidly 
 approached his decline. In the bay beneath, 
 
 VOL. I. G 
 
122 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 
 
 lay the brig, gently oscillating to and fro, with 
 the undulating swell of the sea, and scarcely 
 enough wind to agitate her 'long and lazy 
 pennant/ The shadows now stretching along 
 the wooded heights, to the west, were in admira- 
 ble contrast with the golden glory of the sum- 
 mer sky at sunset. The sea, too, in this direc- 
 tion, was one sheet of sparkling fire, except 
 where the dark forms of the Homistone and 
 Blackstone rocks, were chafed by the swell of 
 the rising tide, and whitened for a moment in 
 its foam. In the extreme distance the Start 
 point caught the eye, dark at its base, and 
 brightening at its summit, by the blaze of retir- 
 ing day. Scenes like this are too beautiful, and 
 too full of nature's own eloquence not to impose 
 a deferential silence, and repose of spirit, on 
 minds proof against every other appeal. Aided 
 by the climate of this delicious region, the breath- 
 ing balmy odours of that hour, she never fails 
 to reassert her dominion over our dispositions, 
 however indurated by attrition with the world ; 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 123 
 
 and speaking through the eye, awakens and re- 
 animates every better feeling of the heart. It is 
 not then to be wondered at, that during those 
 few moments of twihght, which may be denomi- 
 nated the last and loveliest of the glorious career 
 of day, all eyes were attentively fixed on the 
 fast-fading beauty of the scene, and that all sym- 
 pathized in the feeling that it could be relished 
 only in silence. 
 
 Tiller was too much a creature of habit and 
 discipline to be infected by any such feelings. — 
 The silence was broken by his abrupt entrance, 
 and the hurried inquiry — 
 
 " Shall we make it sun-set, Sir ? She's some- 
 time dipped behind the hill." 
 
 *' Yes, Tiller, make it so," said Crank, 
 authoritatively ; but again recollecting himself, 
 he added, in an apologetic tone, evidently 
 meant for Burton — '^ though — stop, Thomas — 
 we musn't top the officer over the brig, neither ; 
 our day's gone by for that — but keep your e}e 
 on her, and observe her motions."" 
 g2 
 
]24 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 
 
 " Her what f' murmured the doctor to him- 
 self, whose ear was peculiarly sensitive to any 
 thing which he thought savoured of professional 
 allusion. — What might have followed, would, 
 doubtless, have been embarrassing to some of 
 the party, had not his misconception been cor- 
 rected, by Burton exclaiming — 
 
 «« You must be quick. Mister Tiller, or you'll 
 scarcely keep time with her motions; for I 
 perceive the topmen are already gone aloft to 
 send down the royal, and t'o-gallant yards." 
 
 '' No matter," said Crank, "for should you be 
 late, Thomas, the port would sooner trust to our 
 time than their's." 
 
 " Well then ! — there's sway away," said 
 Burton. 
 
 " Down they come," cried Crank. 
 
 "Bless me ! — what's fallen ?" exclaimed Miss 
 AVilson, in considerable alarm. 
 
 " Only the brig's broom-sticks, my dear," said 
 the veteran, pointing to the vessel below. 
 
 But just recovered from one alarm, the young 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. V25 
 
 lady was destined to have her nerves more seri- 
 ously tried, for, in the next moment, a loud re- 
 port close at her ear, as of thunder, excited the 
 most unaffected terror in the poor girl : she 
 jumped on her feet off her chair, and caught 
 fast hold of old Crank, exclaiming — " Good 
 heavens ! how near the thunder is, Sir." 
 
 Here all joined in a good-humoured laugh at 
 her simplicity. Crank, however he might have 
 thought some thirty years previously, felt his 
 situation extremely embarrassing, and extricat- 
 ing himself from her embrace, acquainted her 
 that the noise which so much alarmed her was 
 nothing but Tiller " making it sunset." 
 
 The doctor had selected the seat next to Mrs. 
 Crank ; Burton that in the immediate vicinity 
 of her daughter ; and the old gentleman, taking a 
 chair next Miss Wilson, jocosely remarked, that 
 " it seemed to be the order of battle that every 
 man should take his bird, and he could not see 
 why he and Miss W. shouldn't grapple together 
 for a spell.'* 
 
126 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 
 
 The time occupied in general conversation 
 was not lost to the lieutenant, who seemed to 
 be gaining ground in Emily's good graces. He 
 had resolved, in his own mind, to try her, as 
 sailors term it, " on either tack ;" and in their 
 confabulation on a variety of subjects, both now, 
 and at dinner, he found that, notwithstanding 
 she could boast a more than ordinary share of 
 personal charms, her manners were highly at- 
 tractive, and her mind bore evident marks of 
 superior cultivation and improvement. Whilst 
 thus attempting to play the critic, Burton soon 
 forgot a part which was by no means natural to 
 one of his complexion, and began to feel 
 seriously interested in the animated girl.— Nor 
 will this be a subject of surprise to any of our 
 readers, if ever they have been debarred, for 
 several weeks or months, of female society. 
 
 During this endeavour to draw her out, he 
 failed not to develope sufficient of his own cha- 
 racter to make her anxious to know more.— 
 In this way, the conversation between them 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 127 
 
 was prolonged, through a mutual motive of 
 curiosity, until it appeared to have become 
 sufficiently interesting to warrant the inter- 
 position of her mother, who begged she might 
 be made a party in their coterie. — Burton 
 mentioned that he had been merely propos- 
 ing, as an amusement, that the ladies should 
 visit the Spitfire, as soon as the vessel had taken 
 in her water. — Emily was not slow to take up 
 the key-note, and expressed how much she 
 should be gratified in availing herself of the 
 present opportunity to visit a man-of-war. — 
 Miss Wilson ' thought it would be quite charm- 
 ing ; that is, if there were none of those shocking 
 cannons to be let oiBP; and stipulated, that, if 
 she were to be of the party, they should return 
 home long before the sailors commenced any 
 preparations on board for making it sunset.' — 
 The doctor assured her a shock of that kind 
 was rather salutary than otherwise. It tended 
 to strengthen the nerves, and in some constitu- 
 tions produced the same beneficial consequences 
 
128 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 
 
 as electricity. — For his part, he should feel no 
 alarm, if allowed to form one of the escort on 
 board. 
 
 " Allowed !" said Mrs. Crank, rather queru- 
 lously — " if it be determined by my brother that 
 we shall visit, (though I shall put in my veto 
 against it), Mister Senna must certainly be one 
 of the party — who knows what may occur ? — 
 I am very timorous on water excursions— but 
 leaving that out of the question, a medical man, 
 upon every occasion, must be considered an 
 acquisition." 
 
 " Why, yes," muttered Crank, " especially, 
 if one's going to fight a duel !** 
 
 The hints dropped by the lady and her friend 
 were too broad not to be understood. — In the 
 pause that followed, Burton perceived it would 
 be indispensable to include the doctor. How- 
 ever loth, therefore, to increase the number of 
 idlers on board, he, with a tolerably good grace, 
 begged he would accompany the ladies. 
 
 Since the retreat from the dining-room, the 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 129 
 
 captain had made several attempts to re-com- 
 mence with Burton their former conversation on 
 professional subjects. — In this, however, he was 
 foiled, for Burton's replies were all monosylla- 
 bles; and Crank, more than most men, loved a 
 spice of contradiction to render convei'sation 
 palatable. He found that Emily's society had 
 so many more attractions for this degenerate son 
 of the ocean than his own, that he, although the 
 host, had been altogether overlooked in the gene- 
 ral invitation. — This did not escape Mrs. Crank, 
 who, though affecting indifference to the pro- 
 posed party of pleasure, exclaimed — 
 
 '* Brother, if we do go, I hope you'll accom- 
 pany us.*' 
 
 " I donH know that — I got a hint not to go." 
 
 " A hint not to go, uncle !" exclaimed Emily. 
 
 " Yes, — a very broad one too," rejoined 
 Crank ; " I wasn't asked — what d'ye think o' 
 that — had him there, eh !" 
 
 Burton, not without a blush for his inadvert- 
 ence, and many apologies, pressed the veteran to 
 G 3 
 
t'30 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AlKv 
 
 be of the party, and begged permission to send 
 one of the brig's boats ashore for him and his 
 friends. 
 
 " Well, well— you've other fish to fry, just 
 now, Mr. Burton," said the veteran, assuming 
 as much importance as though he had been 
 Port- Admiral — " When you're all complete and 
 a'taunto, Fll inspect you. But, in the mean 
 time, we shall be glad to see you whenever 
 ashore — always dine at four — Emily, my dear, 
 an't there a jubilee-day soon ? — Aye, to be 
 sure, the 12th, the Prince's birth-day I — If he's 
 better, your captain must make one at the 
 cottage." 
 
 With these, and similar testimonials of kindly 
 feeling, the old man dismissed his guest, who 
 betook himself to the beach, where the boat, 
 according to appointment, awaited him. 
 
 It would not be easy to define the sensations 
 with which Burton looked up, from time to 
 time, to the light on the cliff, now growing 
 fainter and fainter as the boat cut her whitening 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 131 
 
 way through the reluctant waves, impelled tOr 
 wards shore by the freshening breeze. The light, 
 he perceived, had been removed to the oriel 
 window, as if designed to assist him in reaching 
 the ship ; and he already formed a flattering 
 conjecture as to whom he was indebted for this 
 kind pilotage, from the circumstance of the light 
 having been once eclipsed by the intervention 
 of a female form ; he, it may be conceived, 
 looked for its re-appearance with more anxiety 
 than he ever experienced in taking an observa- 
 tion of any of the planets for nautical purposes : 
 and when the bright form again interposed, he 
 was poetical enough to compare its appearance 
 to a transit of Venus. — Had he been suffered 
 much longer to continue in his agreeable reverie, 
 he might have, perhaps, adopted some other 
 capital error into his astronomical creed, and 
 identified that emblem of beauty with the 
 female who then engrossed all his thoughts, 
 instead of classing her amongst celestial bodies. 
 Poetry and planet were, however, quickly chased 
 
132 TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 
 
 by the dissonant challenge of the sentinel as they 
 approached the brig. — 
 
 " Boat, ahoye I" 
 
 " Holloa !" cried the coxswain — 
 
 " Coming here ?" said the sentinel. 
 
 " Aye, aye," — replied the steersman of the 
 boat — 
 
 " Then it's the lieutenant,'' exclaimed a dap- 
 per little middy, in a clear counter-tenor voice, as 
 he looked out through one of the ports. — " Bear a 
 hand, you side-boys, with the lights— d'ye hear ?" 
 
 These orders were complied with. — The gig 
 was soon alongside, and the boat hoisted up by 
 ihe watch in a ' twinkling.' 
 
 Whilst the lieutenant repairs to report him- 
 self to the captain as " having come on board," 
 it may be proper to acquaint the reader that the 
 fair object of his solicitude, having cautioned 
 Tiller not to remove the light from the window 
 for a few minutes longer, had consigned her 
 beautiful person to be disencumbered of its 
 attire by the faithful Abigail, Avho, in such 
 
TRIFLES LIGHT AS AIR. 133 \ 
 
 situations, often found her orthodoxy fail, and J 
 
 was fain, like the lieutenant, to confound her 
 young mistress with celestial beings. Having, ,\ 
 
 with a complaisant glance or two at herself, 
 adjusted the looking-glass, then the toilette, and 
 lastly, the dressing-case, with its multifarious 
 adjuncts and accessories to female comfort and 
 luxury, Abigail bade Emily good night, and 
 left her to enjoy repose as happy and profound 
 as that ascribed to the youth Lucius by the i 
 
 poet. j 
 
 \ 
 
 " Enjoy the honey heavy^ dew of slumber : | 
 
 Thou hast no figures, no fantasies ( 
 
 Which busy care draws in the brains of men ; j 
 
 Therefore thou sleep'st so sound." < 
 
134 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 How names, mistaken for things, mislead the understanding 
 
 Locke. 
 Uptorn, reluctant from the oozy cave. 
 The ponderous anchor rises o'er the wave ; 
 Along the slippery masts the yards ascend, 
 And high in air the canvas wings extend. 
 
 Falconer. 
 
 Notwithstanding all the rules laid down, 
 from time to time, by Aristotle, and other cri- 
 tical writers on rules of composition, to prove 
 the necessity of preserving the unities in narra- 
 tion ; we are in some degree absolved from the 
 difficulties under which the dramatist labours. 
 Singular as it may appear, no precedent can be 
 adduced to restrain the nautical writer from 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 135 
 
 postponing the consideration of the unities of 
 time and place, to the more important con. 
 sideration of preserving the unities of time 
 and tide, which the stern maxim emphatically 
 informs us, " wait for no man." — Critics may 
 cavil in vain as to our right to exercise this dis- 
 cretion, and bring a broadside from Longinus 
 to bear on our *'■ beam**' — we shall receive it 
 with cheers ; but without altering our course. — 
 Nature,.D,ot_.rules of art^ must be our compass ; 
 common sense our pilot. — Our narrative is nau- 
 tical, and must, therefor^ be^jiat.ural-.r-Time, 
 tide, and tars, we must take as they are — ncH: 
 would itj^erhaps^^ add interest to tlie details of 
 the life of a sailor, that the two former were less 
 variable, less irresistible in their influence, or the 
 tar himself, less the sport of that overruling in- 
 fluence. ^^Of our new-born privileges, as novel 
 wTiters, not writers of novels, we confess our- 
 selves tenacious. — To ordinary criticism, we owe 
 no deference : — our theme is above it. They 
 and ourselves possess hardly one principle in 
 
136 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 common with each other. — Yet are these and 
 the sketches we have heretofore represented, 
 pictures of real life ; whose resemblance, how- 
 ever liberally they may have been acknowledged 
 by the reading public, can be examined criti- 
 cally only by professional men. — Let professed 
 criticism exult in the arbitrary controul it has 
 obtained over the world of words ; which, with 
 the aid of art, it may be said to have created. — 
 Our world is the trackless, illimitable ocean : 
 and we disdain appeal to all other judges, than 
 denizens of the world of waters. 
 
 But we have been somehow inadvertently 
 borne out so far into the sea of criticism, that 
 we had nearly forgotten the title of this chap- 
 ter, or that to " shift a birth" conveniently, 
 it becomes important to consult the tide. 
 
 Had the inclination of Burton been con- 
 sulted, Camperdown Cottage, which now en- 
 grossed all his thoughts, would have been visited 
 on the following morning much earher, than per- 
 haps either propriety, or the rules of fashionable 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 137 
 
 etiquette would have sanctioned. But this in- 
 dination was in some measure checked by a 
 considerate feeling on his part, in wishing not 
 to appear to encroach on his captain's indul- 
 gence, nor to deprive his brother officers from 
 the pleasures of the shore by any monopoly of 
 leave. — Independently, however, of these consi- 
 derations, there were now duties to be per- 
 formed on board, requiring his presence in his 
 station. 
 
 The small quantity of fresh water procured 
 on the previous afternoon, had determined the 
 captain to remove tbe Spitfire further in shore ; 
 and though still labouring under lameness, he 
 was too anxious and active an officer not to 
 superintend the movement in person. 
 
 The circumstance of the tide not serving to 
 admit of the brig "breaking ground" before 
 the usual hour of breakfast on board,- afforded 
 Crank another opportunity to indulge his vein 
 in criticising some of the preparations already 
 made afloat for this evolution. 
 
138 SHIFTING A BIUTH. 
 
 The light airs which, for the greater part of 
 the morning, had been flying about in flaws, 
 scarcely rippling the surface of the sea; and 
 sometimes only discernible by the varying shade, 
 here and there, which traversed the smooth 
 bosom of the bay, or altered the bright green 
 of the water to a deeper tinct ; now acquired 
 more steadiness and strength in their descent 
 from the towering heights, until, from their con- 
 gregated force, a moderate breeze at length 
 sprung up from the land, and down the channel 
 through which the Spitfire had to wind her way 
 to fresh anchoring ground. 
 
 As yet, all was tranquillity on board. The 
 midshipmen of the watch, and sentinels,were the 
 only persons to be seen on deck, with the ex- 
 ception of Burton, who was mounted on one of 
 the after carronades, in order to rest his glass on 
 the hammock rails, as he indulged his anxious 
 curiosity, and probed every window of the cot- 
 tage. — One indication, however, though the only 
 one, of a movement on board, had not escaped 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 1S9 
 
 the experienced eye of the veteran, who, having 
 finished his breakfast, took up his station at his 
 favourite telescope, maintaining as " bright a 
 look out" on the brig (though actuated from 
 different motives) as Burton kept upon the 
 cottage. 
 
 " Come, bear-a-hand, Thomas — clear away 
 the decks,'' cried Crank, hurrying Tiller to 
 remove the breakfast things from the table — 
 " Be brisk, I see the brig's got her cat down 
 ready for a brush." 
 
 " Her wJiat, brother ?" sharply interrogated 
 Mrs. Crank, whose apprehensions for the safety 
 of some of the feline species, by long prescrip- 
 tion favourites with the fair, were excited by 
 her brother-in-law's intelhgence. 
 
 Emily had also caught the contagion, and 
 looked anxiously to the hearth-rug, where, con- 
 trary to drawing-room etiquette, and the com- 
 modore's interdiction, a favourite tortoise-shell 
 kitten lay on her back, flourishing her tail about, 
 whilst sporting with a stray ball of cotton, pur- 
 
140 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 loined from the work table — " Poor Tab," she 
 exclaimed, " your velvet coat wants no brush. — 
 How can they be so cruel ?" she continued, 
 approaching her uncle, as if to ascertain what 
 was going on aboard. 
 
 " Why, you brace of simpletons," said he, 
 without taking his eye from his glass, " do you 
 think there's no cat on board but Grimalkin ? — 
 Come, Thomas — the bars are shipped, I see. — 
 Now for it — there's turn the hands up — here's 
 the boatswain ? — aye, there's lay in — you'll have 
 a treat directly." 
 
 " A treat, brother, do you call it ?*' ex- 
 claimed Mrs. Crank, in a tone indicating that 
 fresh fear had been awakened by the last ob- 
 servation. 
 
 " What do you mean, uncle ?" asked Emily, 
 with excited curiosity — 
 
 " What do I mean, child ?— Why, that you'll 
 presently have your ears pierced with a little 
 man-o-war's music— that's all — the chaps in the 
 chains singing out like sogers." 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 141 
 
 " Oh ! dear, uncle," exclaimed Emily, in a 
 tone of sympathy which would have been highly 
 gratifying to the ears of all on board, had they 
 witnessed the interest she betrayed — " surely 
 they are not going to inflict corporal punish- 
 ment on the poor dear sailors P'"* 
 
 " Why, what now ? — Have you been reading 
 more of your romances? — 'Gad, I think theyVe 
 turned your head in earnest." 
 
 " It is something more than romance, brother, 
 however habit in you may have unfortunately 
 got the better of your feelings for your fellow 
 creatures," interposed Mrs. Crank. — " You but 
 this instant said that the cat was in readiness for 
 a brush, and every school-boy knows the inter- 
 pretation of that phrase." 
 
 " Well, so it is ready, — and the Jlsh too ; — 
 vhat d'ye think o' that now — eh .?" 
 
 " Think, brother I" replied the matron, " I 
 don't know what to think ; though I must con- 
 fess, that such associations as cats, bars, boat- 
 swains, and unfortunate creatures, crying out 
 
142 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 in diains, naturally lead one to infer they are 
 inflicting on board some cruel and oppressive 
 punishment !" 
 
 " Handsomely ! — handsomely, old girl — take 
 a turn there — a severe turn* too ;*" said Crank. — 
 '« D — n it, is it because you choose to be stupid 
 enough not to understand plain-sailing English, 
 that you must take it into your head they are 
 committing murder afloat? — But, it's a true 
 saying, ' there''s no teaching old dogs to dance ;' 
 nor," continued he, anticipating his jest with 
 a chuckle, which would have been very pro- 
 perly reprehended by certain wise-acres in St. 
 Stephen's — " nor are you i\ie first old woman in 
 Parliament who has raised a false alarm and a 
 hubbub, about a thing that never can, I tell 
 you again, be dispensed with." 
 
 '* Upon my word, uncle," said Emily, " I 
 confess, that though you don't exactly deal in 
 parables, your language is, at least, very equi- 
 
 * Nautical for a secure turn. 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 143 
 
 vocal. — Now, do afford us some explanation — 
 what are they about ?" 
 
 " What ? — Why, about to shift their hob, to 
 be sure," replied Crank, with a self-satisfied 
 simplicity, which was the result of his convic- 
 tion, that this curt explanation was perfectly 
 explicit. — " I just want to see, my dear, how 
 long they'll be weighing — therefore take my 
 watch,— ril look out, and give you the word : — 
 for it's fair, you know, to count time the moment 
 they begin to heave round at the capstan. — I 
 know, in the old Grampus^ I didn't allow more 
 than an hour and a half to heave in a whole 
 cable, — cat, and Jish the anchor, and have her 
 under every thing,* low-and-aloft, close-hauled, 
 in a moderate breeze." 
 
 As to the nautical information likely to be 
 derived by his female auditors, from this stub- 
 born reiteration of the terms *cat, and fish,' 
 without any attempt at explanation ; the veteran 
 
 * All sail set. 
 
144 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 might as well have amused them by an allusion 
 to the old pot-house sign of the " Cat-and-the- 
 fiddle;'' the solution of whose mysterious, 
 though humorous connection, seems, to some 
 antiquarians, to lie deeper beneath the rubbish 
 of ages, than any ante-diluvian relic yet dis- 
 covered by Professor Buckland, in the geolo- 
 gical strata. — The ladies, however, had some 
 reason to suspect, from the knowledge of Crank's 
 general character, that he could not derive 
 pleasure from a fellow creature's anguish ; and 
 that their alarm might be groundless. And as 
 he was garrulously disposed, he soon gave Emily 
 reason to believe, she was more likely to be gra- 
 tified by the nearer neighbourhood of an indi- 
 vidual in whom she already began to feel con- 
 siderably interested ; than to have her feelings 
 shocked by any unseemly parade of punish- 
 ment. 
 
 As Crank had anticipated, the crew of the 
 brig had already been summoned to their sta- 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 145 
 
 lions, by the boatswain's shrill pipe and short 
 cry of, ' hands, up anchor.' 
 
 The mandate was neither delivered, as is 
 too often the case, in that lengthened, drawling 
 tone, only calculated, like a Quaker's sermon, 
 to lull all energy ; nor needlessly repeated by the 
 piercing pipings* and hoarse bawlings of his 
 mates : — -Staunch being too much of a discipli- 
 narian not to have seen the necessity of abolish- 
 ing this Benhowical and privateer-like practice, 
 before he had been a week on board; or to 
 permit any unnecessary noise in a ship of war 
 placed under his command. 
 
 The general though momentary bustle on 
 board which succeeded the boatswain's short 
 
 * It has been ascertained, since the Peace, that several 
 French privateers, last war, when under cover of the darkness 
 of the night, or the denseiless of a fog, like banditti of old, 
 have solely escaped capture by the timely intimation of a 
 whistle. Indeed, we have ourselves, before now, witnessed as 
 much wind expended on hoisting a cask upon deck, or a stay - 
 sail aloft, as would have served to * fill' a first-rate's foresail, 
 or have answered all the resuscitating purposes of the * Hu- 
 mane Society^ for a whole winter ! 
 
 VOL. 1. H 
 
146 SHIFTING A KIRTH. 
 
 summons or solo^ subsided in a very few 
 seconds. The ' capstan was manned' in a 
 moment by above fifty of the crew. The active 
 but orderly mass included in this powerful piece 
 of machinery, remained mute and motionless as 
 they leaned their broad breasts at the bars, every 
 eye anxiously awaiting the waive of the hand 
 that was to set all in motion : for in signifying 
 his commands, Staunch, like other monarchs,* 
 preferred adopting the 'sign manual' to the 
 more vulgar mode of verbal communication, 
 and his crew equally understood his orders by 
 waive of hand, or by word of mouth. 
 
 The silence which pervaded the brig (for not 
 
 * An anecdote is told of a captain in the service, since 
 dead, that whilst carrying out a British ambassador to his sta- 
 tion abroad, a quarrel arose on the subject of precedency. 
 High words were exchanged between them on the quarter- 
 deck, when, at length, the ambassador thinking to silence the 
 captain, exclaimed, " Recollect, Sir, / am the representative 
 of His Majesty !" " Tlien, Sir,'' retorted the captain, "re- 
 collect that here /am more than majesty itself. Can the King 
 seize a fellow up and give him three dozen?'' Further argu- 
 ment was useless — the Diplomatist struck. 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 147 
 
 a syllable, low or aloft, was allowed to be uttered, 
 save from the lips of a superior), was now 
 broken by Burton, who stood in an elevated 
 station on the forecastle, which aiForded a full 
 view of his person to Crank's little circle at the 
 cottage. 
 
 *' Brought to forward, Sir^"" said the lieu- 
 tenant. 
 
 " Very welV^ answered the captain, who, in 
 consequence of his lameness, had taken up a 
 seated position on the upper steps of the ladder 
 leading to the poop. 
 
 " Now," continued he, addressing the people 
 employed at the capstan, " now, recollect, my 
 lads, I want no more than the ' double-quick^ 
 step, for I always suspect there's a good deal of 
 ' heaving thro^aU\ when there's anyjlcst running 
 round ; so now — 
 
 « Left foot— 
 
 " Double-quick — 
 
 « Heave." 
 
 The capstan was instantly set in motion, the 
 H 2 
 
148 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 seamen marking their quick-measured step to 
 the melhfluous strains of a woolly-headed African 
 cat-gut scraper, who, as occasion required, 
 catered for the carnal appetites of the crew 
 below in the galley as cook's-mate, or restrained 
 their brute force, like Orpheus of old, by mea- 
 sured modulation. 
 
 In consequence of the steady step preserved 
 by the men at the capstan in their circumambula- 
 tory march, the cable was not only hove in with 
 great celerity, but with an equable motion that 
 permitted the people below leisurely to bend 
 and coil it away, without any of those interrup- 
 tions or stoppages at the capstan, common on 
 such occasions to most ships in the service. 
 A few minutes served to bring the brig near 
 enough to her anchor to render it necessary the 
 circumstance should be announced by Burton, 
 who exclaimed — 
 
 " Hove short, Sir.'' 
 
 At a single waive of the captain's hand, the 
 capstan ceased to move, and was quickly pauled 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH, 149 
 
 or secured at its base, whilst the bars were im- 
 mediately ' unshipped' and laid aside upon the 
 deck, previously to the operation of loosing sails, 
 and tripping or starting the anchor from its 
 slimy bed. These preparations occupied scarcely 
 half a minute's time, when the captain gave the 
 word — 
 
 " Loose sails." 
 
 Preparatory to performing this evolution, 
 about* forty sailors, destined for this service, 
 whose white Guernsey -frocks and trowsers were 
 strikingly contrasted with the black hull, masts, 
 and rigging of the brig, quickly collected in the 
 lower part of the fore and main shrouds ; all 
 eager to obtain the start of each other. The 
 younger men and boys, who were destined to 
 reach the giddy heights of the royal and top- 
 gallant yards, with eyes archly fixed on the 
 captain as he sat on the ladder, cautiously raised 
 a leg a ratline higher in the shrouds, to make 
 sure of even this trifling advantage over those 
 who had a much shorter course to run— an 
 
150 SHIFTIXG A BIETH. 
 
 artifice which was as often checked by the two 
 lieutenants exclaiming, in a subdued tone — 
 
 " Keep down, men ! — down — no stealing!*' 
 
 At the word — 
 
 « Way aloft r 
 a scene of anxious and emulous alacrity ensued 
 in the rapid flight of the men up the rigging, 
 which, to the unpractised eye of Emily, merged 
 into the most orderly and compact position of 
 the tars, as they remained momentarily grouped 
 about the bunts and quarters of the lower and 
 loftier yards. The order to 
 
 " Trace up — Ik out^"* 
 followed, which, accompanied by two short 
 chirps of the boatswain's whistle, again set in 
 motion the active limbs of the ' loosers.' At 
 the word ' trace up,' the studding-sail-booms, 
 already disengaged from the iron clamps in 
 which they were wont to rest, were now lifted 
 by lines affixed to their inner ends. Thus sus- 
 pended, they formed acute angles with their 
 respective spars, and afforded to the emulous 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 151 
 
 seamen a support for the hand, so as to render 
 more secure their frail footing, as they scam- 
 pered, like cats, along the yards. Every hand 
 was now busy for an instant casting-ofF the gas- 
 kets or platted ties, which held fast the furled 
 sails in their folds ; whilst those who had been 
 more expeditious in completing their task, sup- 
 ported the weighty canvas in their arms as they 
 balanced their bent bodies on the yards, 
 anxiously awaiting the word to drop their 
 heavily-drooping burden to the breeze. 
 
 Burton, who was always ambitious that the 
 seamen, under his immediate inspection, should 
 be foremost in the performance of every evolu- 
 tion aloft, was now the first to exclaim — 
 
 " All 7'eady Jhf ard, SirJ^ 
 
 Soon after, an announcement followed from 
 Hasty, who, by a waive of his hand, signified, 
 that the 'loosers' abaft were equally prepared. 
 — -After a momentary pause, and scrutinizing 
 glance aloft, the captain vociferated — 
 
 '' Let fall — sheet home" 
 
152 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 The sails fell simultaneously from the sailors' 
 grasp, shivering in the wind, as their sheets * 
 were brought home, or extended to the outer 
 extremities of the yards. The ' loosers' were now 
 seen flying in from the spars in every direction, 
 — Their descent had hardly been effected on 
 deck, by running down the ratlines of the rig- 
 gings, with a degree of velocity, almost super- 
 human — for, on board this ship they were not 
 permitted to slide down the backstays, or dis- 
 play any unnecessary agility at the expense of 
 their clothings — when Staunch 'sung out' — 
 
 " Man the taupsle haliards.'' -f 
 
 Led through leading blocks on both sides 
 of the deck, the hahards were immediately 
 grappled by the many-handed mass, who had 
 so disposed themselves as to ensure a free and 
 
 * It may be here necessary to observe, that the sheets, which " 
 are universally mistaken by "English Bards" and even "5co^cA 
 Reviewers,'' and their readers, for the sails themselves, are no 
 other than the ropes employed to extend the clues, or lower 
 corners, of the sails to which they are attached. 
 
 t Tackles, by which the topsails are to be hoisted or low- 
 ered, v/hen the sails are to be extended or reduced 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 153 
 
 uninterrupted run fore-and-aft ; whilst a few of 
 the more trusty hands and petty officers were 
 busied in attending the braces, overhauling the 
 clue-lines, and other hanging gear, to facili- 
 tate the rapid flight of the ponderous yards 
 aloft. — Without awaiting the lieutenant's cus- 
 tomary ' report' of — ^' all manned with the top- 
 sail haliards''' (a useless intimation, by the by, 
 in a flush-decked vessel, where the eye of the 
 officer, carrying on the duty, meets with no 
 obstruction) — the commander exclaimed — 
 
 " Hoist away the taupsles'"' 
 
 The topsails flew to the topmast's head, 
 taughtly extending their wide wings to the 
 breeze, whilst every plank of the brig below 
 experienced a tremulous vibratory motion, occa- 
 sioned by the fast fleeting feet of the tars, as 
 they ran, hahards in hand, round the deck. — The 
 operation of ' sheeting home,' and hoisting the 
 heavier topsails, had hardly been effected, ere 
 the taunt ' top-gallant-sails,' and the still'lighter 
 and loftier 'royals,' appeared spread on their 
 h3 
 
154f- SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 respective spars : the combined effect of the 
 whole, presenting to the astonished eye of Emily 
 a sudden and imposing metamorphosis. In- 
 deed the old gentleman himself seemed to par- 
 ticipate in his niece's surprise, and more than 
 once he was observed to rub his eyes, as if he 
 suspected himself under the influence of some 
 optical illusion. 
 
 " Which way shall we cast, Mr. Stowel ?" 
 said the captain, addressing the master, who had 
 just returned from the forecastle. 
 
 " To port, Sir—" 
 
 * ^Man the starboard head-braces j mid larboard 
 after,''' cried the commander, in an audible 
 tone — 
 
 ^^ Overhaul the lee-lower-lifts and trusses — 
 Brace upJ' 
 
 The head yards were now backed against the 
 breeze, whilst those on the main-mast were 
 obliquely braced in the opposite direction.* 
 
 * This evolution is practised with a view to impel the ship's 
 head in the desired direction, as soon as the anchor breaks 
 loose from the ground. 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 155 
 
 To this evolution succeeded the operation of 
 again ' shipping and swifting-in the bars' of 
 the capstan, — a repetition of trouble to which 
 all frigates and flush-decked vessels are un- 
 avoidably subject, and over which, in the evo- 
 lution of ' weighing,' ships of the line have a 
 considerable advantage. 
 
 The capstan being manned in a moment, the 
 word was again given to ' heave round, "* when 
 the ' double-quick time' of the tars soon brought 
 the brig over her anchor — and this was followed 
 by the announcement from Burton — 
 
 " Up-and-down,''' 
 
 " Thick ' and ' dry for weigJdng^" cried 
 Staunch, 
 
 A turn at the capstan, with a hearty and heavy 
 heave of a well-concentrated power, soon tore 
 the anchor from it's bed. 
 
 " Heave-and-weigh,''^ cried Burton. 
 
 " Man the jib haliards^"* 
 said Staunch. — The men were already in their 
 stations when the order succeeded — 
 
156 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 '^ Hoist away^ 
 
 Flapping in the wind, and following the dia^ 
 gonal line of rope on which it travels in its ascent 
 aloft, the jib flew to the fore topmast-head ; whilst 
 a few hands on the forecastle quickly ' gathered 
 aft' its shaking sheet, and the canvas, ceasing to 
 flutter, boldly bellied to the breeze. 
 
 The practice common in the service of an- 
 nouncing to the men labouring at the capstan 
 when the anchor breaks upon the eye, or looms 
 through the dazzling deep, as it slowly rises to 
 the surface, had always been deemed unneces- 
 sary by Staunch, and the old form of exclama- 
 tions — " Heave-and-in-sight,^' and, " Heave- 
 and-a-wash^'' — were in the Spitfire invariably 
 dispensed with — a departure from old precedent, 
 which, perhaps, will be the less regretted by all 
 disciplinarians, as they must have often observed 
 these technical intimations were resorted to by 
 boisterous boatswains, as often to exercise their 
 lungs as to cheer the people at the capstan. — 
 
 Looking down on the water, as he stood on 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 157 
 
 the bowsprit, with his breast leaning over the 
 man-rope, Burton had now, by a telegraphic 
 movement of his left hand, mutely announced 
 the anchor at the bows. The operation of again 
 pauling the capstan and unshipping the bars, 
 was now quickly repeated — 
 
 " All Jiooked with the catj'* 
 cried Burton, with seeming exultation, which, 
 however suited to the occasion, would doubtless 
 have impressed (had he been present) a certain 
 ex > senator, whose attention had been so hu- 
 manely directed to the protection of quadrupeds, 
 with a very unfavourable opinion of the lieu- 
 tenant's humanity. — 
 
 The cat had already been seized by the crew, 
 — the fall taughtened — the ' messenger' surged 
 —the cable 'stuck-out' and stoppered, when, as 
 if cheered by the feline allusion which followed, 
 of— 
 
 " Haul away the caty" 
 the tars ran the ring of the anchor up to the 
 cat-head in a twinkling. 
 
158 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 '• All hooked with thejlsh,'' 
 cried Burton, — an intimation altogether uncon- 
 nected with the fate of the finny tribe — the fish 
 here meant being a hook, employed to raise the 
 anchor-fluke on the gunwhale. — At a waive of 
 Staunch's hand, the seamen, who had already 
 hold of the fish-fall, cheerily applied their 
 united force to the rope, and, with a run aft, 
 as fast as foot could fail, they succeeded in 
 bringing the ponderous anchor to its resting- 
 place. 
 
 A pilot, in a punt, had now pulled along-side, 
 and as neither the captain nor the master had 
 acquired any acquaintance with the locality of 
 the port, save that which the ' sailing directions' 
 on the chart had afforded, the services of the 
 pilot were readily accepted. 
 
 " We intend casting to port," said Staunch, 
 addressing the pilot, who^ as he came up the 
 side, doffed his hat, and made his awkward 
 obeisance to the King's quarter-deck— 
 
 '' Ees, zure, Zur," answered the pilot, in a 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 159 
 
 west-country accent — "better vurst maike aboard 
 towards the Blackstone — should loike though, 
 captain, if so be it's all the zame to thee, to keep 
 the lead aloive.'* 
 
 " The leadsmen," said Staunch, " are already 
 in the chains." 
 
 " Then, Zur, when you plaize," said the 
 pilot, perching himself up on one of the after 
 carronades, in order to have a full view of the 
 ^ leading marks' of the port. 
 
 The head yards had already been ' filled,' or 
 braced round to the breeze. — Meantime, the 
 boom-mail-sail had been hauled out abaft ; 
 whilst, on the bunts of the fore and main yards, 
 hands were observed in readiness to overhaul 
 the gear of the courses, employed for the pur- 
 pose of confining, in festoons, the large lower 
 sails, as yet suspended in the brails — 
 
 " Man the fore and main-tacks,'* 
 cried Staunch, in his usual tone of distinct arti- 
 culation. The word, ' haul aboard,' had 
 hardly escaped his lips, ere the deep and heavy 
 
160 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 folds of the courses fell fluttering in the wind ; 
 whilst their tacks were brought on board, or 
 drawn down to the deck, and their sheets ' roused 
 aft' with the rapidity of thought. 
 
 The bowlines had been hauled — the weather- 
 braces *set taught,' and every 'cloth' in the 
 brig now trimmed to the breeze, when, grace- 
 fully yielding to the pressure of her canvas, she 
 darted through the water like a dolphin in pur- 
 suit of prey. 
 
 "Bless the craft!" said the pilot, looking 
 over the side with astonishment — " why she 
 walks hke a witch." 
 
 " Walk !" said Hasty — '' wait till you see 
 how she worlds, — Why, man ! she shoots like a 
 star of a frosty night." 
 
 " Silence ! — not a word fore-and-aft," cried 
 Staunch, in a tone which was intended to spare 
 him the necessity of conveying, in more direct 
 terms, a personal censure — for though Staunch, 
 « off duty,' was always aflkble with his officers, 
 yet * on service,^ he was too critical a discipli- 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 161 
 
 narian to patronize poetry or irruptions of 
 fancy. 
 
 The ropes had been ah'eady coiled up, and 
 ' led-along,' with every man in his station for 
 ' staying/* when, descending from the gun, under 
 no little excitement, proceeding from the re- 
 sponsibility he felt, in having, for the first time, 
 charge of one of his majesty's ships, the pilot 
 hastily exclaimed— 
 
 " Round with her, Zur. — Be sharp, if you 
 plaize." 
 
 Obedient to her helm, the vessel hove quickly 
 in the wind, whilst her bulging bow, forcing 
 apart the resisting fluid, flung wide around the 
 foaming spray. 
 
 " HelnVs-a-lee" 
 cried the commander. The 'head-sheets' were 
 'let fly ' and heard flapping in the wind, when, 
 as the brig rapidly rounded to the breeze, and 
 
 * Tacking— putting the ship about. 
 
162 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 the sails abaft as rapidly altered from a full to a 
 fluttering condition, the word, 
 
 " Raise tacks and sheets,' 
 was given. — In comphance with this order, pre- 
 paratory to swinging and bracing round the 
 head yards, the clues, or lower corners of the 
 courses, were partially raised above the deck. — 
 
 ^^ Haul well taut,'' 
 cried Staunch, giving the wanted precautionary 
 word. — The brig had now brought the wind 
 nearly a-head, or rather a little on the weather 
 bow. The captain, who was as well aware of 
 the importance of securing ' a good swing ' 
 as any of our fashionable amateurs, who delight 
 in witnessing the final expiatory evolutions of 
 ' Old Bailey ' performers on the tight rope, 
 vociferated, as he observed the wind catching 
 the weather leeches of the sails abaft — 
 
 " Alain-sail, hauV 
 
 The yards on the main-mast flew simultane- 
 ously round with a violent swing, accompanied 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 163 
 
 by an astounding crash, occasioned by the lee- 
 clue of the main-sail coming in rapid collision 
 with the rigging :* whilst reversing their former 
 position, the tacks and sheets were trimmed in a 
 trice. The brig's head fell off from the wind in 
 a different direction from that to which it had 
 previously pointed on the opposite tack; and 
 the after sails again filling to the breeze, the 
 captain exclaimed — 
 
 ' ' Fore-tack— fore-bowlin — of- all-hauV* 
 The head yards were now braced round, and 
 every thing trimmed fore-and-aft, when the 
 brig, bending, like a willow, to the breeze, 
 quickly gathered way, and again glided through 
 the water with her former rapidity. 
 
 From the velocity with which the Spitfire 
 was flying through the water, it may be easily 
 
 * We sincerely advise all landsmen, who are ambitious of 
 becoming ''leadsmen" (for we have seen men of all profes- 
 sions, from those "learned in the law," to those unlearned in 
 the line, endeavouring, at the expense of their heads, to become 
 adepts in the art of "sounding'''), never to take their station 
 in the chains when beating up to an anchorage. 
 
16^ SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 conceived that, in working up a narrow channel, 
 short lacks were the order of the day. 
 
 As the vessel neared the steep, on which stood 
 Camperdown Cottage, the seamen's eyes were 
 turned involuntarily to this spot, so eminently 
 favoured by nature. — The whole shore was now 
 minutely developed. — Every object, animate or 
 inanimate around, awakened in the mind a feel- 
 ing of tranquil pleasure in contemplating this 
 beautiful scene in all its placid repose. — The 
 deep verdure was relieved by the bright fleeces 
 of the sheep and lambs, which were grazing on 
 the grassy heights; whilst groups of goats, 
 ambitious of danger, were seen securely browsing 
 on the giddy face of the precipice, which over- 
 hung the dark rocks beneath. — Here and there 
 a cottage dimly developed its modest outline 
 from beneath a sheltering oak ; or some tall grey 
 spire pointed out the rural retreats of the living, 
 or solemn sanctuaries of the dead. — The peopled 
 air above harmonized with the stillness of the 
 scene below, and the wild wing of the sea-mew 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 165 
 
 was almost suspended in its graceful sweep 
 across the blue vault of heaven. The pro- 
 found tranquillity of every thing around was 
 suddenly invaded by sounds little in harmony 
 with this quiet picture of nature in repose. — 
 The lengthened tenor-tones of the tars broke in 
 upon the silence, as, lead in hand, they " sung 
 out" from the chains the depth of water, as the 
 ship approached the shore. These musical in- 
 tonations were heard re-echoing in every little 
 wooded dell along the bay, or clatteringly rever- 
 berating among the rocks. The still, mute sheep 
 on the heights ceased to ruminate, or started 
 from their pasture ; collecting in groups, whose 
 wild and unusually animated faces betokened 
 lively alarm at these unwonted sounds. 
 
 " Quarter-lea-ea-ess five^"" cried the leadsman 
 to leeward. 
 
 " Heave quick, my zons !" said the pilot. 
 
 " And a ha-a-lf four ^'' re-echoed the seamen 
 to windward. 
 
 " She shoals her water — but we" 11 stand in 
 
166 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 as close as you like," observed Staunch to the 
 pilot. 
 
 By some unaccountable accident the veteran's 
 colours at the cottage were omitted to be hoisted 
 at the usual hour of eight. Crank now per- 
 ceiving the omission, in a hurried manner 
 directed his factotum to hoist them. In a few 
 moments an enormous St. George's ensign was 
 seen gracefully waving in the wind, as if wel- 
 coming the ship's approach to the land. 
 
 In compliance with the wishes of the cap- 
 tain, the vessel was observed to stand in, still 
 shoaling her water. 
 
 ^^ By-ihe-liard-dee-eep four,'^ now cried the 
 tars together, producing no unpleasing harmony 
 from the circumstance of the ' weather leadsman' 
 accidentally taking a musical third above his 
 companion to leeward. 
 
 " There /" exultingly cried Crank to his sister- 
 in-law — " there, didn't / tell you we'd soon have 
 the chaps in the chains singing out like sogers .?" 
 
 The brig was now tacked close under the 
 
SHIFTING A BIRTH. 167 
 
 cliiF, and, to the no little astonishment of Crank, 
 the entire evolution was performed in silence, 
 Staunch having directed every movement by 
 waive of hand. Two boards further to wind- 
 ward, brought the brig up to her destined birth^ 
 where she was anchored. The sails were soon 
 furled, and every necessary evolution performed, 
 with that systematic alacrity, which the cheerful, 
 but well-disciplined crewof theAS^^^r^ invariably 
 evinced ; when the boats were hoisted out, and 
 despatched on shore for water. 
 
 In concluding this chapter, an apology may be 
 necessary, perhaps, to some of our fair readers, 
 who may accuse us of being uninterestingly 
 minute in detailing the many naval evolutions 
 recorded in the foregoing pages. The practice, 
 however, may be productive of benefit in a 
 quarter where it may be least expected. We 
 have, before now, met with some of the softer 
 sex in command of ^^7«-of-war, who still are 
 unacquainted with the ' word of command.' To 
 repair this defect in their early education, and 
 
168 SHIFTING A BIRTH. 
 
 adapt them for situations which are found to be 
 within the fond aspirations of the fair ; we have 
 ventured in these pages to substitute occasionally 
 a marine, for a moral lesson ; so that when 
 any of those ladies, now ' laid up in ordinary,' 
 are next put in commission, each may be able 
 to take the trumpet, and ' beat' and ' box' 
 about a 'battle-ship,' as well as her lord and 
 master. 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 169 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 Be pleased your politics to spare, 
 
 Pm old enough, and can myself take care. 
 
 Dryden. 
 
 In an operation of this nature, part of the 
 crew of the boats are, in general, sufficient for the 
 purpose of filhng the casks, and the remainder 
 are found strolling on the beach idiy whileing 
 away the time in picking up pebbles remarkable 
 for their shape or colour. 
 
 It was so in the present instance. Straggling 
 seamen or tars were occupied at the water's 
 
 VOL, I. I- 
 
170 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 edge in fishing, with a spUnter in the sand, for a 
 cockle or other marine production ; whilst at a 
 distance from the party, a couple of tars had 
 flung themselves, at their ease, on the grey 
 shingle of the beach. As they lay, with their 
 faces upturned, and gazing listlessly on the 
 mackerel sky overhead, they had not noticed 
 the approach of a stranger, whose hasty step 
 towards them would seem to indicate he had 
 business with them of no mean importance. He 
 was a strong-made, bull-necked, square-built 
 vulgar form, though sufficiently well clad to 
 denote that he was a man of substance. His 
 features were broad, unmeaning, and common- 
 place, except that the bluff protuberance of the 
 lower part of his face and pursed hps, established 
 his claim indisputably to an unparalleled share 
 of effrontery. His heavy, dull brows, were con- 
 tracted as if in scorn ; and the fixedness of his 
 pale grey eye indicated an habitual obstinacy 
 and sullen selfishness. For want of a com- 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 171 
 
 panion to harangue, he seemed to be employed 
 in that wholesome practice, so often recom- 
 mended by the ancient fathers of the church — 
 self-disputation ; ::Lnd endeavoured to enforce his 
 oral powers of persuasion by an oscillatory up- 
 and-down motion of his right hand, which strik- 
 ingly resembled that of an auctioneer anxiously 
 dwelling on the rival biddings which were to 
 swell his profits. In his left hand he held a 
 scroll of extracts from parliamentary returns of 
 the revenue — the income of the clergy — the 
 number and effective strength of our land and 
 sea forces — the number of persons impressed 
 since the war — corporal punishments inflicted 
 during the short peace — the ultimate height, in 
 inches and lines, which climbing-boys attain 
 when arrived at the age of manhood — the gross 
 amount, in square feet, of timber usually ex- 
 pended in May-poles in the several villages of 
 England, and the average waste of wood, in 
 barber's blocks, throughout theUnited Kingdom. 
 These had been carefully extracted during a 
 I 2 
 
172 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 tour with his family along the coast in his own 
 carriage, and with his own cattle, to save charges 
 of postage ; and were destined to form the 
 ground-work next session of an exposition, in 
 his place at St. Stephen's Chapel, Westminster, 
 of the causes of the dry rot in His Majesty's 
 navy. 
 
 The diffusiveness of his style might, perhaps, 
 be objected to by common critics ; but it was 
 his peculiar felicity, in every speech, to follow 
 the example of that illustrious essayist of the 
 middle ages, so admired for his searching saga- 
 city, who having copiously written an essay — 
 de omnibus rebus — sapiently added a chapter, 
 de quibusdam aliis. 
 
 In the light playfulness of his fancy, this 
 ornament of our senate introduced a figurative 
 allusion to the effects of the dry rot in thinning 
 the ranks of that opposition with which he 
 voted. — By way of revenging himself for many 
 an indignant lash of a great oratorical lion's 
 tail in that house, whose sarcasms were some- 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 173 
 
 times felt alike by friend and foe, he had be- 
 stowed a w^eek in turning an appropriately neat 
 epigrammatic point ; happily allusive to an in- 
 sincerity and hollowness in principle, which it 
 suited his purpose to assume, were attributes of 
 his too powerful rival and unsparing friend. 
 The spirit of the allusion consisted in preserving 
 the accuracy of the figure, and deploring that 
 the rottenness of our timber was not confined to 
 that composing our ships of war, but had been 
 of late detected in some of the main timbers of 
 Westminster Hall. 
 
 Such, and so accoutred, was the redoubted 
 wight who now bore down on two of the most 
 unsuspecting spirits in the "service.*' As he 
 never baulked at any thing, he assumed a fami- 
 liarity of manner and tone, which he presumed 
 would conciliate favour, or lull suspicion ; and 
 artfully opened his parliamentary inquiries as 
 follows. 
 
 •■' Weel — messmates — hot waather, eh ?" 
 
 " Why, yes,'' said the younger tar of the two, 
 
174 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 — "it's hot enough for them as never felt hot- 
 ter ; or seed a beef-staike broiled by the heat o' 
 the sun on the spare anchor fluke. — I reckon," 
 added he, accompanying the remark with what 
 sailors term an overhaul-look at the senator's 
 person — '* I reckon many's the fiery forenoon 
 you've never faced, afore the sea-breeze sot in at 
 Port- Royal harbour." 
 
 " Aweel ! mayhap — but many's the fiery 
 ordeel in the whiles I elsewhere faced in fighting 
 yer battles," returned the senator, emphatically. 
 
 " You^^' said the tar, in a tone which mani- 
 fested an incredulous contempt for the stranger's 
 assertion — ''you! — what, d'ye want to come 
 Trafl[lygar over a fellow ? — Where the h — 11 did 
 you ever see a shot fired in anger ?" 
 
 " It's contrarie to my creed to do aught in 
 anger — for though I'm an enemy to a"* abuses 
 
 " Fm not abusing you at all, man," inter- 
 rupted the tar — " I want no words about the 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 175 
 
 matter ; but TU bet you a week's grog to all 
 your worth in the world, you can't clap a car- 
 tridge in a gun — that's to say, — you don't know 
 whether it should be ' end* foremost,' and ' seam 
 down,' or not." 
 
 " Seem doon ! — I tell ye what, my gude 
 fallow, we don't a'togither seem up to aiie- 
 anither," said the senator, sporting a miserable 
 pun — "but, ye see, I'm a plain man: and, ye 
 see " 
 
 " You may say plain,^^ said the tar, inter- 
 rupting the speaker in his sentence — " I see that 
 fast enough ; and what's more, — I'm curs' d if 
 I wouldn't carve a better figure-head out of a 
 Sampson's post."t 
 
 " Like enoo ; but I suspec yer acceeptation 
 
 * If the professional reader be too fastidious, or overnice on 
 the score of correct phraseology, he will doubtless substitute 
 here that more emphatic monosyllable, which his critical re- 
 collection will not fail to suggest So did, in fact, the sailor. — 
 But iovns—proh pudor I 
 
 t A large block of timber fixed upright between the decks, 
 used for attaching leading ropes to, or heavy purchases. 
 
176 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 of feeffur heeds is verra defFerent frae mine — 
 for you must ken, that my notion of a feegur 
 heed, is the heed that taks the trooble to seft 
 the pubhc accoonts, an' expose the corrupt 
 practices o' the folk in pooer." 
 
 The animated tone in which this piece of 
 radical cant was delivered, was completely lost 
 upon Jack. — Indeed, the orator might as well 
 have whistled to the wind, as have tried, in this 
 vein, to engage either the attention of the slum- 
 bering tar, or appeal to the passions of his 
 talkative companion. The conversation had 
 ceased for a moment ; when the sailor, who had 
 carried on the colloquy stretched supinely on 
 his back, now turned suddenly round on his 
 elbow, and sternly fixing his eyes on the legis- 
 lator, exclaimed — 
 
 '' Here's face you, as Geoffry did the cat — 
 come, tell truth, and shame the devil ? — Are you 
 a regular built 'missioner, or only a marchant's 
 man-hunter. — 'Kase, if so be you're no more nor 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 177 
 
 a crimp, you'd better brace-up and haul aft 
 afore the officer comes across your hawse — but 
 say you're b, journeyman parson, and V\\ souse 
 you in the surf ; and trace you up on a tree to 
 dry, hke a swab in the sun." 
 
 " That's no the speech of a seaman, nor is't 
 becomin' in a man-o'war's-man's mooth," said 
 the Scotchman, rather ruffled at his rude re- 
 ception. 
 
 " What do you know con^arning man-o-war's- 
 men, you Highland lubber ?" said Jones, who 
 had hitherto slumbered in silence, but whose 
 sensibility was now roused by the senator's 
 rebuke. — " Did you ever sarve as a Jack-i'-the- 
 dust in a guard ship ?" added the tar, in a sneer- 
 ing tone. 
 
 "No, my man, but 1 ken mare of king's 
 sheps, and a' the pratty pranks that's played 
 aboard 'em, than ye perhaps thenk. — I'm a 
 sailor's freend, and ha' proven it." 
 
 " You've a d d rum way o' shewing it. 
 
178 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 then,'' said the younger tar, " in running down 
 the sarvice after that sort o' fashion." 
 
 *' I rin it doon ? — You mistak', my man — 
 sailors are mare indetted to me than they 
 thenk. — Whenever IVe seen, as aften I have, 
 an enclination to trample them, or their rights, 
 underfoot, Tve stood your sooporter, and aways 
 spoke up for you i' th' Hoose." 
 
 " Well, Bill ! I'm blowed if I knows what 
 house he means," said the elder tar, who now 
 evinced an anxiety to take up the cudgels, and 
 give his companion a spell of repose, — " be- 
 kase," added he, " a fellow might as well tread 
 on a snake at once, as try to trample on any o' 
 the Spitfires^ either at the Nelson''s Head, at 
 North Corner,* or the Two Jolly Tars at the 
 back o' the Pint.^'f 
 
 '' Why, ye booby, do ye thenk the hoose I 
 mean, is a public, or mere pot-hoose ? — l"'m 
 spaaking anent that assembly that awght to 
 
 * AtPljTnouth. 
 
 -^ Portsmouth Point — the Wapping district at that port. 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 179 
 
 defend, on a' occasions, your rights and prev- 
 leeges, and grant to the nat'ral, and, gev me 
 leave to say, the constitutional force of the 
 kintry, (for I mean sailors), its constant pro- 
 tection." 
 
 " Come, come, belay every inch o' that," said 
 Jones, in a jocular tone — " you're not a-going 
 to palaver us about your protections — many's 
 the man we've seen pressed in spite of his pro- 
 tecticm — havn't we. Bill.?" 
 
 " I believe you, my bo," replied his com- 
 panion. " I've seed, afore now, a hot-press on 
 the river, break through a protection, better 
 backed, aye, nor ever was a battle ship's anchor. 
 — Why, IVe seed the day that a fellow coudn't 
 save his bacon, even with a Trinity House pro- 
 tection in his pocket.^' 
 
 '' Well," said Jones, " if men are slack in 
 stays* in coming for'ard to enter, what else have 
 you for it? — Men-o'-war must be manned, to 
 meet the enemy, and protect your trade." 
 
 * Slow. 
 
180 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 " Noo, to spaak without reserve," said , the 
 prying inquisitor, imagining Jones was more 
 disposed to be rational than his blunt, honest 
 companion — " wur ye aways o' that mind, 
 Sir?" 
 
 " No — 'kase if I had, and known as much as 
 I do now, I'd a bore up at once for the bounty. 
 — But you see," added the taunting tar, throw- 
 ing a sly look at the senator, — " there's always 
 fellows enough, both ashore and afloat, to make 
 a man discontented with his birth ; and make 
 him believe, ' whither or no Tom Collins'* — 
 aye, by George, in spite of his sight, and senses, 
 that a king's ship is never no better nor a reg'lar- 
 built hell afloat." 
 
 " But, my freend," said the stranger, who 
 now perceived there was little chance to storm, 
 though he might succeed, perhaps, in sapping, 
 the honest sailor's prejudices in favour of his 
 profession, " ye wunna deny that seamen have 
 
 * "Whither or no, Tom Collins," is a phrase amongst 
 sailors, signifying, whether you will or not. 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 181 
 
 to pit up with a great deal o' tarrannical conduc 
 an' ell usage aboard king's sheps— for my ain 
 pert, I conseeder you're a' verra leetle better off 
 than the blacks of Africa." 
 
 " See here, shipmate ! it v/ould take a fellow 
 far further north nor yourself, to persuade the 
 captain's black steward that his was the worst 
 birth in the barky. — And as for ill usage aboard 
 o' men-o'-war — why —let every one speak as 
 they find 'em—not that I take it yoii know 
 much o' the matter — 'kase I reckon, by that ere 
 roll o' paper under your lee-fin, you've sarved 
 more time behind the counter, nor ever you did 
 before the mast — " 
 
 " Weel, but as we say in the Heelands, let 
 that flee stick i' th' wa, and confass, es there 
 no a deal o' cruelty and tarranny aboard king's 
 sheps ?" 
 
 *' Well ! damme,'^ said Jones, emphatically, 
 " but now I think you're a reg'lar-built 'mis- 
 sioner, in earnest— what say you^ Bill V 
 
 "Well, so I said, just now," returned the 
 
182 WEATHERING THE WILEY. 
 
 other — " but then, again, on fother tack — you 
 see he doesn't sport a black suit o' rigging." 
 
 " To pit an end to your doots," said the 
 Scotchman, "you'll just plaise to obsarve, that 
 I've no disgueese aboot me — I'm a freend to the 
 sarvice, and, in parteeklar, to seamen — I've stood 
 up for them i' the Hoose — " 
 
 " There he goes again," interrupted Jones. 
 
 " Aye," I repeat, " in the Hoose, against their 
 ain officers, and the Lairds o' th' Admiralty. — 
 I've endeevoured to put doon the sestum of im- 
 pres.sment, and to anneehelate that tarrannical 
 meelitary practice of corporal punishment." 
 
 " What military practice ?'''' indignantly ejacu- 
 lated the younger tar — " What, d'ye want to 
 come the lobster over us, as well as the lubber ? 
 — Who ever heard of a corporal handling the 
 cat — the sergeant, to be sure, when there's 
 never no master-a'tarms aboard, in course, tal- 
 lies the score — but, damn it, man, it's the 
 boson's mate as sarves-out the sloyjs — " 
 
 " Weel, weel — it's indefferent to me wha in- 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 183 
 
 fleets the lash :— a' as I can say is, I deetest the 
 sestum of flogging a'thegither ;— an' to show ye 
 hoo much I tak' an interest in the service, I've 
 browght you a peeteetion to sign, which IVe 
 drawn up to show hoo hardly yu'r treated, and 
 hoo cruelly yu>, too often, poonished by 
 tarrannical officers, and hoo closely and unna- 
 cessaraly ye're confined to yeer sheps. — Noo es 
 that the pairt of a freend, or no ?'' 
 
 Here Jones interrupted the reply which was 
 ready to start from his shipmate's*" lips, and, in 
 a conciliatory tone, accosted him — 
 
 " Yow see the gemman speaks fair enough, 
 after all. — He only wants us to lean a Uttle over 
 to his side — and why not, Bill ! if the gemman 
 'ill stand any thing .?'' 
 
 '« Why, if that's his drift — I think we may 
 as well, too, try him on a wind. — See here, 
 shipmate," continued the speaker, addressing 
 the senator—" there's never no use in any fur- 
 ther palaver — I don't care a curse which way it 
 is — but, what'll you give us ?" 
 
1S4 WEATHERIXG THE WILEY. 
 
 "Gieye?" cried the radical orator, whose 
 incipient triumph was checked by the unpalat- 
 able suggestion of a pecuniary boon, — " WuU 
 it not be the manes of getting ye veer lee- 
 berty r 
 
 " "Why, as to that, you see, weVe always 
 ^liberty' enough when the ship's moored in a 
 King's port — so, you see, that's not the thing — 
 is it, Jem ?*' 
 
 " Why, no !" said Jones, — " but as the wea- 
 ther's warm, and our coppers hot, I doesn't 
 care, if the gemman will act like a gemman, to 
 clinch the con^arn at once. — Harkee, Master," 
 said he, addressing the anxious orator, who 
 stood tiptoe in expectation of his proposition — 
 " you shall have it all your oivn xcay for a 
 glass of grog.'' 
 
 A fitful change suddenly overcame the fea- 
 tures of the calculating philanthropist i every 
 hard line in that unusually rigid face was, for a 
 moment, relaxed ; and, from the whole external, 
 it would seem his heart had been startled by 
 
WEATHERING THE WILEY. 185 
 
 the apparition of a strange and unwelcome 
 visitant. — It was not till after a momentary 
 struggle, that he slowly unbuttoned his pocket. 
 — The hand, although inserted, seemed to clutch 
 something, and again relaxed its grasp. — Again 
 the action was repeated ; 
 
 " Well," said he, in a subdued tone — " it's 
 for the banefet of ma kintry — " 
 
 By a convulsive twitch of the arm, the vic- 
 tory was completed : and, with a sigh, such as 
 'tis said accompanies the separation of soul and 
 body, the patriot flung the sailor a shilling. 
 
 The sigh, however, though not the shilling, 
 was lost on the sailors : who, roused from their 
 recumbent posture on the shingle by a signal to 
 re-embark, with a loud laugh at the senator's 
 credulity, rejoined, without signing the petition, 
 their companions, who, having completed the 
 watering, bore away in the boats for the brig. 
 
186 THILANDERTNG. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 PHILANDERING, 
 
 OR 
 
 AMATORY POLITICS. 
 
 Oh ! the long evenings of duets and trios I 
 The admirations and the speculations ; 
 The " Mamma Mio's !" and " Amor Mio's 
 The "Tanti palpiti's," on such occasions. 
 
 BVRON. 
 
 The continuation of fine weather, and a steady 
 calm, of above a week's duration, left tiie Spit- 
 fires people ample opportunity to prosecute the 
 task of refitting the vessel; and, happily for 
 Burton, kept open the communication between 
 the brig and Camperdown Cottage. — Every 
 evening some pretext or other served for his 
 
PHILANDERING. 187 
 
 appearing an unbidden, though not unwelcome, 
 guest to both Emily and her uncle. — There is 
 a certain footing of familiarity, upon which 
 persons soon get, who are pleased with each 
 other's society ; which precludes the necessity of 
 renewing a formal invitation at every parting ; 
 more especially in the country, or under cir- 
 cumstances which lead the parties to infer, these 
 opportimities will not hereafter be of frequent 
 recurrence. The old gentleman was absolute 
 master of his own house, or, as he used to term 
 it, " captain of his own ship ;" and, as respected 
 the individuals of his profession, was eminently 
 hospitable ; so that, although he never re-invited 
 his young friend, at parting, he always chid 
 him on his appearance in the evening, for not 
 having availed himself of the general invitation 
 given on the first day of their acquaintance, 
 and made one at the dinner table. Indeed, the 
 veteran would jocosely say, it was his own 
 fault if he did not join the party at the cottage, 
 as he observed, " Tom Tiller never neglected, 
 
188 PHILANDERING. 
 
 according to the custom of the service in his 
 time, to hoist the dinner flag in the garden ; so 
 that any seaman, who was hungry, could not 
 mistake the signal." Burton's only mode of 
 parrying this cordiality was, to repeat his sense 
 of obligation, and plead the necessity he was 
 under of attending to the details of duty on 
 board : an attention which, he observed, was 
 rendered the more imperative on the officers of 
 the ship, in consequence of Captain Staunch's 
 having resorted to refit, contrary to the practice 
 of the service, to Dartmouth, which was not a 
 King's port. 
 
 This apology never failed to draw forth from 
 Crank a remonstrance on the impropriety of 
 departing from the practice in his day — not- 
 withstanding the cogent reasons which Burton 
 had given for this preference, and which the 
 reader may recollect. 
 
 Had Burton been an ordinary, or uninterested 
 visitor at the cottage, he perhaps would have 
 formed one of the dinner party daily; or, at 
 
PHILANDERING. 189 
 
 least, whenever he could obtain permission from 
 his captain. But, circumstanced as he felt him- 
 self, he inferred he should feel more at his ease 
 in * dropping in' after this meal was concluded. ' 
 — His visits were sufficiently numerous and 
 protracted to develop, as he thought, to Mrs. 
 Crank, the real state of his feelings with respect 
 to her daughter ; and as he had no reason to 
 imagine himself a favourite, or, in other words, 
 his fortunes acceptable in the light of a son-in- 
 law to that politic lady, he contented himself 
 with thus embracing the opportunity of visiting, 
 and enjoying Emily's society, without incur- 
 ring any more serious obligation. The uncle, 
 on whose bounty she was dependent, far from 
 being alarmed at these visits, or partaking in 
 the prudential scruples of his sister, felt rather 
 flattered by the attentions thus markedly paid 
 to his favourite ; nor was it without some share 
 of professional pride that he witnessed the pre- 
 ference Emily displayed for the intelligent lieu- 
 tenant. — She appeared to enter into the spirit 
 
190 PHILANDEEING. 
 
 of any little professional controversy in which 
 the commodore and his young friend sometimes 
 engaged : and even presumed, on some occa- 
 sions, to mediate between them, by suggesting, 
 that their amicable differences were easily to be 
 reconciled, by taking into consideration the 
 difference of the systems adopted by the pro- 
 fession, in her uncle's time, and in the present 
 day. — This assumption of the office of arbi- 
 trator, in nautical matters, the gallant old officer 
 always treated as a piece of pretty impertinence 
 on the part of his niece ; and, whilst in his wag- 
 gish way he used to scold her for a sea-lawyer, 
 he, at other times, fondly ransacked all his clas- 
 sic recollections from " Steel's Navy List," to 
 dub her by the names of his favourite vessels 
 in the service.— On one occasion, his partiality 
 so far overcame his prudence, as to induce him 
 to ask the young lieutenant, in a way which 
 Burton thought happily equivocal, if not posi- 
 tively allusive to an union which already was 
 beginning to be near his heart — " whether the 
 
PHILANDERING. 191 
 
 girl, on a pinch, -would not make a pretty fair 
 specimen of a ' Reefer/ or pass, in time, for a 
 Lnffy 
 
 To secure his growing interest with the old 
 gentleman ; or perhaps as much through an 
 anxiety to make some return for his kindness, 
 Burton gave him a barometer, on an improved 
 principle ; graduated according to both Reau- 
 mer's and Fahrenheit's scale, which he had the 
 gratification to perceive, soon occupied a chosen 
 site in his own chamber. — But the present which 
 Crank most valued, was one which cost Burton 
 not a little labour in the preparation, and con- 
 sisted in a complete code of t?ie newly-adopted 
 signals, illustrated handsomely with coloured 
 graphic exemplifications of the various flags, 
 cornets, and pendants, in use : which, with their 
 order, and almost infinite series of relative po- 
 sitions, render them so comprehensive a medium 
 of telegraphic communication. As Burton had 
 spared no pains in making the interior of the work 
 valuable, he had recourse to one of the topmen, 
 
192 PHILANDERING. 
 
 who, before he ran away to sea, served half an 
 apprenticeship to a book-binder; in order to 
 render its exterior worthy of the contents. — 
 Their joint labours produced a pretty volume 
 of gilt Bath letter paper, neatly bound in blue 
 and gold ; the materials for which had reck- 
 lessly been abstracted by the lieutenant from a 
 new morocco portfolio ; purchased, when last at 
 Plymouth, to preserve his marine sketches and 
 drawings from the profane clutches of shipmates 
 in shaving. 
 
 The value of this present was enhanced by 
 the compliment which" accompanied its first pre- 
 sentation ; and its perusal formed regularly a 
 part of the veteran's morning avocations. — In- 
 sensibly his prejudices against Burton, as a 
 votary of innovation, and enemy to the fame of, 
 the ancient worthies of the profession, began to 
 give way to kindlier feelings, and an admiration 
 of the intelligent young seaman. — Although the 
 ardour with which he defended the old school 
 never abated, the lieutenant perceived it was 
 
PHILANDERING. 193 
 
 rather the effect of pride, reluctant to yield to a 
 junior on points of service, than of a conscious- 
 ness of being his young friend's superior in any 
 thing but in standing. — His time, too, now never 
 lay heavy on his hands; and the listlessness 
 which so often attends the retirement of men 
 accustomed to the activity of a professional life, 
 was completely chased away by his renewed 
 studies, the frequent visits of Burton, and 
 the constant inspection of the little man-of-war 
 below, from the grass-plat ; where his frequent 
 perambulations had accurately marked out eight 
 paces in the decayed verdure. — In these excur- 
 sions he was often accompanied by his fair 
 niece, whose awakened curiosity, with respect 
 to nautical matters, afforded him daily increased 
 delight ; not without a mixture of regret that 
 she had not been a boy ; as nothing else, in his 
 opinion, was wanting to ensure her being, at the 
 least, a Rear- Admiral. 
 
 The heutenant needed hardly any other apo- 
 logy for the frequency of his visits at the 
 
 VOL. I. K 
 
194 PHILANDERING. 
 
 cottage, beyond the kind welcome he always 
 experienced from its owner ; and yet he felt it 
 due to himself to provide some pretext for 
 availing himself of opportunities for enjoying 
 the society of Emily alone. — Her musical 
 talents were considerable ; and, in this respect, 
 much pains had been taken with her educa- 
 tion. — She played with spirit; and her ambi- 
 tion for display induced her to devote much 
 more time to the study of music, than is usual 
 with young ladies escaped from the tedious same- 
 ness of boarding-school discipline. Her voice 
 was a clear and sweet soprano, of considerable 
 compass ; and sufficiently flexible to enable her 
 to accomplish executional passages, with a faci- 
 lity which perhaps too often induced her to 
 indulge rather profusely in ornament. — Singing 
 was an accomplishment, beyond all others, 
 best suited to the taste of Burton, who, from 
 early youth, had contracted a passion for music, 
 which he had matured by the facilities afforded 
 him during a long continuance on the Mediter- 
 
PHILANDERING. 195 
 
 ranean station. Here, whenever in harbour, his 
 associates were selected from amongst the ama- 
 teurs of that art, which, with the Italians, is 
 styled, by way of eminence, * divine.** — Being 
 once imbued with the true principles of the art, 
 his taste rapidly improved, and the feeling with 
 which, in his first essays, he sung the popular 
 airs of Mozart, Cimarosa, and others, was sof- 
 tened, by increasing judgment, into all the 
 mellow richness of Italian perfection. It was 
 not wonderful, with such tastes, that Emily and 
 he found themselves often alone, exploring the 
 beauties of Italian composition, to which every 
 other ear in the house was comparatively indif- 
 ferent; and that, independently of other mo- 
 tives of preference, the society of each became 
 mutually valuable to the other. 
 
 The hours of every succeeding evening flew 
 rapidly by, until the dusky dimness of fading 
 twilight deprived them of this pretext for pro- 
 longing their studies alone ; and those enemies 
 to unreserved communication, candles, obtru- 
 K 2 
 
196 PHILANDERING. 
 
 sively poured their unwelcome glare on every 
 conscious feature. 
 
 It must, however, be confessed, that the senti- 
 ments they felt for each other were as dissimilar 
 as their sex. Emily found it impossible to 
 withhold from him her admiration and esteem. 
 She, however, went no further : and her conduct 
 towards him would scarcely warrant any infe- 
 rence, that she felt more than a decided pre- 
 ference for his society ; whilst the kindling 
 fervour of his growing attachment displayed 
 itself hourly, by every possible effort to awaken 
 her interest, and recommend himself to her 
 esteem. 
 
 Although eminently calculated to awaken a 
 fervent and absorbing passion in others, there 
 was a self-possession, and, at times, a levity in 
 her manner, which seemed to indicate that she 
 could not so easily become (to use a metaphysi- 
 cal distinction) its subject, as its object. Neither 
 was it likely that a girl of her ambition and 
 desire of distinction should be much flattered, 
 
PHILAKDERINU. 197 
 
 k^ far as respected his present rank or circum- 
 stances, by the attentions of a young officer, 
 whose fortune was to be cut out by his sword ; 
 and who could not parry the objection, as to 
 want of wealth, by an appeal to his hereditary 
 influence, or high family connection, which is 
 sometimes considered as its equivalent. She too, 
 it is to be recollected, though left an orphan, 
 without a guinea, had long since learned to 
 consider herself an heiress, as well as to appre- 
 ciate her marked superiority in point of accom- 
 plishments above her young acquaintances. 
 
 There was one person in the family, who, 
 could she have considered the connection pro- 
 bable, would certainly have shewn her disinclina- 
 tion to it in the most decided way. This was 
 her mother ; but she never suffered herself to 
 believe that her daughter could so lightly 
 estimate her attractions, or undervalue her 
 expectations, as to think of Burton, but in the 
 light of an intelligent, agreeable acquaintance ; 
 whose company, as she could enjoy it but for 
 
198 PHILANDERING. 
 
 a very short period, she was the more disposed 
 to turn to advantage. Indeed, it was to be 
 doubted, whether old Crank himself, partial as 
 he was to the profession in general, and his new 
 acquaintance in particular, would have con- 
 sented, upon an affair of so much consequence, 
 to waive the strong objections there existed to 
 so unequal a union. 
 
 An apprehension that such might be the real 
 state of both the mother and uncle's feelings, 
 restrained the lieutenant from any avowal of a 
 passion, which, if disclosed ere he had secured an 
 interest in Emily's affection, might have disap- 
 pointed all his hopes. Besides, his natural 
 ardour prompted him to rely on the display of 
 his acquirements, his assiduities, and his devo- 
 tion, in secret, to a girl, who, young as she 
 was, possessed a very considerable share of 
 self-esteem, and who appeared to think too 
 highly of herself, and was too impatient of 
 controul, not to have resented as an insult his 
 attempting to derive any influence, in such a 
 
PHILANDERING. 199 i 
 
 delicate conjuncture, from the avowed counte- I 
 nance of her uncle to his suit. That the veteran i 
 might, in time, become an auxiliary, he had ; 
 reason to hope; but his consent to a union : 
 with his niece would, he knew, be prospective, ] 
 and only conditional on his obtaining promotion ; | 
 whilst he was aware there was a positive I 
 obstacle to his wishes in the mother, who, with j 
 all her sectarian saintliness, felt the value of ■• 
 " this world's goods ;" and having herself a proud '■ 
 spirit, and a lofty ambition, imagined her j 
 daughter possessed sufficient mental and per- 
 sonal attractions, independently of her excel- { 
 lent expectations, to command a distinguished ; 
 alliance. i 
 
200 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 A VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 " There he arriving, round about doth flie. 
 And takes survey with busy, curious eye : 
 Now this, now that, he tasteth tenderly ^ 
 
 Spenser. 
 
 The watering of the ship being now com- 
 pleted, and her rigging ' set up ' and refitted, 
 Crank, yielding to the lieutenant's powers of 
 persuasion, at length consented to accompany 
 his family on a visit afloat. The forenoon 
 following had been fixed for this aquatic 
 excursion ; and as Burton had on one or two 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 201 
 
 occasions apprized his commander and Hasty that 
 the veteran was no ordinary critic in nautical mat- 
 ters, though of the old school ; more than usual 
 preparations for his reception had been medi- 
 tated by the senior lieutenant. 
 
 Indeed Hasty was one of those officers, not 
 unfrequently found in the service, more scru- 
 pulously strict in the enforcement of trifling 
 commands, than studiously attentive to duties of 
 greater importance. Having passed his novi- 
 ciate under a rigid disciplinarian, the slightest 
 omissions were considered by him unpardonable 
 transgressions. Neglecting to sweep down the 
 decks ere the sound of the bell had ceased to 
 vibrate upon the ear, (for every half hour Hasty 
 had the birch-brooms in busy requisition), or even 
 not removing an ' Irish pennant,' or straggling 
 rope-yarn from the rigging, were, in the first 
 lieutenant's opinion, punishable offences of con- 
 siderable enormity. Such was the acute effect 
 trifles of this nature produced on his official 
 sensitiveness, that either a feverish fretfulness, 
 K 3 
 
^02 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 or a short-lived fit of severe discipline, was sure 
 to follow any slight error, or unintentional dis- 
 obedience of orders. He was less of a seaman 
 than Burton ; indeed to compare them together, 
 as expert officers, would be an injustice to the 
 latter. Hasty was not (as is customary in the 
 service) selected by his captain : the captain 
 found him, like any other timber head, a fixture 
 in the ship. As, however, he exerted himself 
 to the utmost to satisfy his superior, Staunch 
 was of too noble and generous a spirit to dis- 
 place him on his accession, for another, who 
 perhaps might have surpassed him in system 
 and seamanship, but certainly not in valour. 
 In a soldier or a sailor, courage, like charity, 
 covers a multitude of sins ; and it is not in 
 human nature, (and more particularly with men 
 exposed to constant danger, and whose lives are 
 continually dependant on the conduct of their 
 superiors,) to be indifferent to the achievements 
 of personal prowess. He was, therefore, in virtue 
 of his office, recognized by the crew as the 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 203 
 
 captain's viceregent : nor was the delegate un- 
 conscious of his power or post. As heir apparent 
 to the state, he often fancied himself in actual 
 possession of the crown, which, had he possessed, 
 never could the prophecy of King Henry the 
 Fourth to his son, have been more literally 
 fulfilled, where he chides him for his eagerness, 
 and exclaims, according to Shakspeare, 
 
 " Oh, foolish youth! 
 Thou seeke§t the greatness that will overwhelm thee." 
 
 The master passion overpowered him, more 
 particularly, in his dreams ; and his involuntary 
 midnight confessions betrayed too audibly his 
 aspiring propensities to power and place. — In 
 the stilly hour of the midwatch, when nothing 
 without was heard, save the gentle rippling of 
 the water as the vessel glided under easy sail 
 through the tranquil sea, or the cheering cry of 
 the quarter-master'^s ^' very- well- thy st" on deck, 
 the occupants of the cabins adjoining his own, 
 were frequently roused from their rosy slumbers 
 
204 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 by violent noises and thumpings against the 
 bulkheads, accompanied by many an impreca- 
 tion against sleeping tars (himself a sleeper), 
 for neglecting to perform their duty whilst em- 
 ployed, as his wandering fancy idly imagined, 
 in taking on board a freight of Spanish dollars 
 and doubloons for account of the West India 
 merchants.* 
 
 " D n your bloods," said he, on one oc- 
 casion, imagining he was addressing a launch's 
 crew alongside, " if a single box slips through 
 those shngs, I'll make the man that slings it jump 
 overboard, and watch like a buoy in the water 
 till it is grappled again." 
 
 From seductive dreams of dominion such 
 as these, it would be vain to expect any thing- 
 could rouse him to a sense of his subaltern 
 situation, short of the hoarse tones of the mate 
 
 * This is the most profitable service on which a commander 
 of his majesty's ships can be employed. — The risk is trifling 
 and the per-centage liberal; and, with the exception of the 
 admiral on the station, and Greenwich Hospital, the freight is 
 the captain's exclusive perquisite. 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 205 
 
 of the watch, summoning him to turn out and 
 relieve on deck. 
 
 Such is the outUne of the character of the 
 second officer on board the Spitfire ; and, from 
 actual observation, it may not be presumption 
 to assert that he is not without his parallel in 
 the service. 
 
 " Come,'' said the officer just described, ad- 
 dressing the captain of the afterguard on the 
 evening previous to the veteran's visit — ^' let's 
 have all the holy stones and bibles aft, to muster 
 in a minute. — We must give the decks a double 
 dose in the morning." 
 
 The aforesaid captain scratched his head, 
 made a vain endeavour to smooth his stubborn 
 curly-pate, and bowed a forced assent. — And 
 now brooms, buckets, bibles, swabs, and holy 
 stones were brought aft, and carefully placed 
 under the centinel's charge, as if these ina- 
 nimate objects had been gifted with a loco- 
 motive power ; or had been so long at sea, that 
 there was just reason to dread they were dis- 
 
206 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 posed to mutiny in the night, or desert before 
 morning.* 
 
 A little after four o'clock, or, as it is termed, 
 the time for ' turning the hands up,' the dead 
 silence of the 'tween decks was invaded by the 
 unmusical notes of the boatswain rousing the 
 ship's company from their heavy sleep. 
 
 " Rouze-and-bit — rouze-and-bit — shew a leg," 
 — "out or down," with other ' terms of manage,' 
 resounded along the births as the enemy of 
 Somnus cut short the dreams of his companions 
 in arms, some of whom were disporting them- 
 selves in green fields and shadowy woods, or 
 perambulating the populous streets of Ports- 
 mouth or the metropolis ; whilst others were, 
 by the aid of delusive fancy, seated beside Nell, 
 or Poll, or Nance, with a 'stiff glass of grog' 
 before them, in a snug room at the ' back of the 
 Point,' or merrily footing 'Delcaro's,' or the 
 ' College hornpipe,' to the * enlivening tones of 
 
 * Doubtless some few matter-of-fact first lieutenants will 
 quarrel with us for making this a subject of banter. 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 207 
 
 the viol.* — All these spells were dissolved in a 
 second, whilst many a growl and muttered im- 
 precation were levelled against the consecrated 
 head of the boatswain for his unwelcome 
 intrusion. — Resistance, however, was never 
 thought of; and, in obedience to the sum- 
 mons, the seamen thrust a leg from their 
 hammocks, whose manly mould might have 
 shamed the best muscular specimens of the 
 school of Phidias, or jumped clean out of their 
 pendant dormitories, and commenced ' rigging.' 
 — Had the captain and crew been all disciples of 
 Mahomed, they could not have set apart for 
 v/ashing an hour in the twenty-four more conso- 
 nant to the principles of the mosque. 
 
 The sun had just risen, as if in time to wit- 
 ness the pious ablutions the decks were about to 
 undergo. — They were now wetted, and sprinkled 
 with a light layer of sand all over. — Heavy 
 pieces of Portland stone, with ropes attached to 
 their ends, were hauled to and fro over the wet 
 sand by a detached crew of fourteen men, seven 
 
208 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 aside, whilst two or three little barefooted middys, 
 with their trowsers tucked up to their knees, 
 were seen paddling about, superintending the 
 holy-haul of the squads engaged on this duty. 
 — Here and there a topman, and sometimes a 
 ' Royal' in scarlet, were observed, bible in hand, 
 on their knees, washing out the Spitfire^ s stains, 
 and, as it were, cleansing the ways of the wicked. 
 — The discordant noises created by these great 
 blocks, some of which weighed nearly a hundred 
 weight, as they ground down the solid oak of 
 the decks, now grated harshly over its large 
 nails, or occasionally jolted against a ring-bolt 
 with a report which failed not to draw down on 
 the offenders the shrill malediction of some little 
 myrmidon in office, were, to the nicely attuned 
 fibres of the first lieutenant's ear, sounds sweet 
 as the fabled music of the spheres. 
 
 As soon as the fervency of this operation had 
 subsided, and the rincing and swabbing of the 
 decks of the vessel had been completed ; large 
 pieces of canvas were spread and carpeted all 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 209 
 
 over her planks, lest any unhallowed tread 
 should leave the slightest soil behind. 
 
 The sails had been furled afresh, and the 
 yards, from the highest to the lowest, were 
 squared, and re-squared again and again : nor 
 could the most fastidious or accurate eye have 
 detected any want of precision in their parallel- 
 ism — circumstances attributable to the superior 
 tact of the boatswain of the Spitfire^ who was 
 not only " warranted " sound, but free from the 
 vice of obliquity of vision. 
 
 The ship was now ready for the nicest in- 
 spection ; and, as it happened to be Thursday 
 (a day which, whenever the duty permitted. 
 Staunch allowed to be kept as a holy-day*), the 
 crew were attired in their Sunday, or best 
 mustering suit. 
 
 The signal man on the look out had pre- 
 viously received his instructions from Burton, 
 
 • In well disciplined ships of war, many officers devote a 
 certain day in the week, purposely, that the crew ' may over- 
 haul their bags,' and repair their clothes. 
 
210 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 and now reported — "a move was making ashore.'* 
 — How he obtained this information it was 
 not difficult to divine, for it had been a rule 
 long established by Crank, and implicitly ob- 
 served by Tiller, that if he only left home for 
 an hour, his colours should be struck till his 
 return. 
 
 Dinner had hardly been piped, ere Crank, to 
 save his tide (and not his pea-soup, as the purser 
 had cynically hinted), was seen with his party, 
 accompanied by Burton, shoving off from the 
 shore in his long five-oared yawl : — proud of his 
 ancient honours, when coxswain to the captam 
 of a line-of-battle ship. Tiller acted the part of 
 steersman on the occasion. — At first, the tar, 
 making the most of his one eye, was observed 
 in his little box abaft, lowly seated and nearly 
 bent double ; but, on his drawing within dis- 
 cipline range of the ' man-o'- war's buoy,' he 
 changed his cowering posture for an erect atti- 
 tude, as if to apprise the ship's crew of the 
 respect due to his honoured master and the 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 211 
 
 freight he had under his charge. — With his left 
 hand to his hat, and his right on the helm, 
 Tiller stood (to use a simile of Stowel's, the 
 master, as he viewed him with waggish delight 
 from the deck), " as stiff in the step as a well 
 stayed stick." 
 
 A bustle, if such it could be called, was now 
 observed on the Spitfire'' s deck. 
 
 "Forecastle there!" cried Hasty, addressing 
 the boatswain — "mind,"" added he, with a marked 
 emphasis, "you keep the head clear, when the 
 ladies are coming alongside." 
 
 The loud earnestness of this caution, did not 
 fail to awaken the curiosity of Emily, who 
 addressed herself to her uncle for its explana- 
 tion : Crank, who was observed stifling a laugh 
 as the mystic meaning of this monition, which 
 it was never intended should have reached the 
 tintinnabulum of a female ear, was anticipated 
 in his explanation by Burton, who promptly 
 assured her that it was all meant as a compli- 
 ment to the fair sex, with a view to caution the 
 
212 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 men on the forecastle to have their wils about 
 them when the ladies arrived alongside. 
 
 Old Tiller, who was not so easily cajoled, and 
 relished a joke in his heart, could stand it no 
 longer — so laughed outright, but as suddenly 
 checked himself on seeing Burton frown. 
 
 Emily looked incredulously in her uncle's 
 face — 
 
 Mrs. Crank took the explanation like a shrewd 
 woman, exclaiming — " Dear me ! how very 
 considerate." 
 
 Crank merely hemmed. — 
 
 The chair destined to transport the ladies 
 aloft, had been already slung in red ropes, and, 
 decorated with tassels a la Prusse and ' Turks' 
 heads,' in compliment to the fair, was now 
 ' brought to the' gangway,' though not ' seized 
 up.' — Flags of all colours and nations were 
 placed in it to enshrine the fair form of Emily, 
 and conceal the waning charms of her mother. 
 In order to plumb the gangway, the main-yard 
 had been braced a little forward, a precau- 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 tion necessary to allow the ' whip ' to hang over 
 the heads of the ladies, as they now arrived 
 alongside.. 
 
 After no little fuss, and becoming share of 
 feminine terrors, had been displayed on the 
 occasion, which the gallant lieutenant had 
 great difficulty in allaying, Emily at length, 
 yielding to the entreaties of her mother, (whose 
 right of precedency was only relinquished from 
 feelings of fear), contentedly resigned her pretty 
 person to her admirer, and submitted to the 
 operation of being, as sailors express it, ' slung 
 for shipping.' 
 
 Burton, who was as busy as a bee, sipping 
 sweets from the flower, appeared to indulge in 
 a little unnecessary delay, whilst enfolding 
 Emily as if she had been added to the constel- 
 lations, amongst the stars of an American ensign, 
 and confining her little feet in the blushin 
 buntin. This was not unnoticed by Crank, 
 who, pushing the lieutenant playfully aside, re- 
 marked with a laugh that — " young men were. 
 
214 VISIT AFLOxVT. 
 
 now-a-days, like lap-dogs, once down at the feet 
 of a lady, and there was no getting them up." 
 
 Perceiving Emily all prepared for her aerial 
 ascent, he addressed himself to Hasty, who was 
 then looking over the side — " Come, Sir," said 
 he, " off she goes." 
 
 At the word, the rope, from which the chair 
 containing the now agitated girl had been sus- 
 pended, was carried with a smooth and rapid 
 motion aloft, through the block on the yard 
 overhead, and, as if by a species of legerdemain, 
 the fair Emily was suddenly ' whipped ' away 
 from her petrified parent, (who was observed 
 declining her head on the sympathizing bosom 
 of the doctor,) and as suddenly transported to 
 the giddy regions above, motionless with terror. 
 After soaring stationary like a hawk on the 
 wing for a few seconds, she was lowered easily 
 on deck, and released from her confinement 
 by Staunch, who welcomed her with all the 
 easy politeness and affability, peculiar to a 
 really well bred gentleman. , 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 21'5 
 
 No sooner had the chair been lighted of 
 its fair load, than it was again lowered over the 
 side to receive, if not so heavenly a freight, in- 
 disputably a more pious piece of goods. Indeed 
 the matron was sticking, like one of his own 
 leeches, to Senna, who already felt a distaste to 
 this party of pleasure ; and Mrs. Crank, though 
 her tongue had long been accustomed to run 
 on familiarly upon the necessity of turning 
 her thoughts to things above, could not be 
 induced to raise her eyes aloft. — Neither the 
 arguments of Senna, founded on the safety of 
 her daughter''s flight on board, nor the assurances 
 of Burton, could remove from her mind the 
 apprehension that the rope would break. — In- 
 deed, she argued the point so consistently, that 
 she very unguardedly, considering the doctor 
 was the party addressed, appealed more than 
 once to their disparity, in point of weight and 
 size, to justify her suspicions she should not be 
 as fortunate as Emily in her ascent. 
 
 *' Brother ! brother !" she reproachfully ex- 
 
216 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 claimed, as Senna handed her to the ' whip/ — 
 '' How cruel of you to bring me to this !" 
 
 " Bring you to what ?" cried Crank, pe- 
 tulantly, impatient at this needless alarm. — 
 " Hang it, you make as much fuss about the 
 matter, as if they were going to clap the rope 
 round your neck, and run you up to the yard- 
 arm !" 
 
 This broadside had the desired effect — Senna 
 was silent ; and the fair sufferer reluctantly con- 
 signing, like other criminals, her body to the 
 surgeon, she, as though it were her last dying 
 request, implored Burton ' to go quiet with the 
 rope.' '^ 
 
 The same signal was repeated. 
 
 " Off she goes," reiterated the delighted 
 Crank. 
 
 "Away with her now," bellowed the boat- 
 swain, " handsomely a bit — what are you side- 
 boys about, that you don't bear off the chains ? — 
 There you are — whip away now." 
 
 This incongruous collision of professional 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 217 
 
 terms, so capable of misapplication, as to their 
 actual meaning, was likely enough to bewilder 
 the fancy of a woman, from previous circum- 
 stances already excited. The hoarse bawling 
 of the boatswain ; the strange misapplication of 
 the term, " handsomely," to her unhandsome 
 treatment, in being hoisted on board like a wool- 
 pack ; her terror at finding herself at the mercy 
 of boys ; animals, in her opinion, as mischievous 
 as monkeys, all conspired to make her uncon- 
 scious of what she was to do or suffer. The 
 allusion, however, to chains, was not lost on her, 
 but produced a singular association in her mind, 
 for when landed on deck, it was perceived she 
 had, ludicrously enough, still got hold of the 
 only one within her reach, — a small Maltese, 
 gold neck-chain, to which her '' quizzing-glass," 
 was appended. 
 
 The little party had scarcely been introduced 
 by Burton to his captain, and walked three 
 paces towards the " companion" or stair leading 
 to the cabin, ere an exclamation burst from 
 
 VOL. I. L 
 
218 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 Emily's lips, similar to that which never fails to 
 fall from every female, on viewing, for the first 
 time, the brilliant whiteness of a man-of-war's 
 deck ; heightened by contrast with the parallel 
 black lines intersecting its ample breadth, with 
 a regularity whose pleasing'efFect on the eye, was 
 not exceeded by the most tasteful chalkings of a 
 modern ball-room floor. 
 
 " What a charming place for a dance !" said 
 she, pointing her toe, and stepping more firmly 
 on the advanced foot, as if to try the elasticity 
 of the planks. 
 
 " Perhaps," said Staunch, " as you appear an 
 amateur, we may be able, ere leaving the port, 
 to make up a small party on board in our 
 plain way : and you. Madam," added he, turn- 
 ing to Mrs. Crank, "will I hope, condescend 
 to favour us with your presence as lady pa- 
 troness.*' 
 
 The courteous manner of Staunch'^s invita- 
 tion threw the matron off her guard, and she 
 already appeared, by a slight inclination of her 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. S19 
 
 head, to acquiesce in the nomination, despite of 
 her principles. 
 
 Emily frankly confessed, she should be quite 
 delighted to ^ dance with Ariel on the waves,' — 
 adding " it would be tout a fait an agreeable 
 novelty." 
 
 The captain now had taken her unresisting 
 hand, and presumed to express a hope, that his 
 lameness would not deprive him of the honour 
 of opening the ball with her. 
 
 Influenced, perhaps, by the barometer of 
 Burton's countenance, which, she perceived, fell 
 suddenly at this proposition, she hesitatingly 
 observed ; that " it would be rather premature to 
 form any positive engagement, on the bare pos- 
 sibility of such an occurrence." 
 
 The captain, piqued by this observation, 
 pledged himself to remove the force of that objec- 
 tion, by fixing a day before they left the ship. 
 
 The company descended, by Staunch's invi- 
 tation, to partake of some refreshments prepared 
 in his cabin. Crank, whose eye wandered in- 
 1.2 
 
220 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 quisitively about him in all directions, mutely 
 accepted the civilities of his affable host ; but 
 Emily appeared delighted with the novelty of 
 the scene, and every thing on board ; nor did 
 she seem altogether insensible to Staunch's 
 frank and fascinating manners. Her admira- 
 tion of his captain, was quickly perceived by 
 Burton. The influence of the ' green-eyed 
 monster' had ah'eady darkened his brow, and 
 dimmed the brilliancy of his eye. He was, for 
 some time, reserved and silent. The ardour which 
 characterized his attentions, perceptibly abated ; 
 and had not it been for a kind and re-assuring 
 glance from the object of his devotion, it rfjight 
 have fallen to our lot, as the chroniclers of these 
 events, to record his having, during the night, 
 slipped slily over the side in a fit of despair ; and 
 being reported among the missing at muster. 
 
 The repast being ended. Crank now appear- 
 ing impatient to pursue his inspection of the 
 ship, the party again re-assembled on deck. As 
 Staunch had not as yet sufficiently recovered 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 221 
 
 from his lameness, to accompany Crank in his 
 critical tour. Hasty supplied the place of his 
 captain ; whilst Burton and Emily kept in the 
 back-ground, in the rear of Senna and her 
 mother. 
 
 In his present mood, it may be presumed, that 
 very little was necessary to occasion an explo- 
 sion of the veteran's critical bile. The ' sights' 
 on the guns, first attracting his notice, he in- 
 quired of Hasty, "What these gimcracks meant." 
 The lieutenant informed him, " that they were 
 termed sights, and used for the purpose of 
 enabling the men to take aim with nicer pre- 
 cision." 
 
 " Sights, indeed !" cried Crank ; " / never saw 
 such sights ! — Well, it may be an improvement 
 to be sure — fighting at long balls, with mounted 
 telescopes. I know, in my time, we were above 
 such cold-blooded, cowardly butchery. No ! no ! 
 Sir ; d — n all such stand-off work — come, muz- 
 zle to muzzle — that's my maxim ; follow up 
 
222 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 that sort o* fun^ and you'll soon riddle your op- 
 ponent." 
 
 " That's a' vera weel, Sir/' said Stowel, in a 
 broad Newcastle accent, as he had just fallen 
 into the veteran's train — " but what er you to 
 do," asked the master, " if your opponent won't 
 let you approach him ? Suppose he sails better 
 than you, and ha' got the weather gage o' you ? 
 — and, moreover, prefers long bolls to close 
 quarters — what er you to do then — eh ?" 
 
 " I say, Mister Burton," cried Crank, in an 
 under tone, and casting his eye contemptuously 
 towards the speaker, — *>' who may that gentle- 
 man be ? If he be the master, the discipline's 
 damnably altered since my day." 
 
 " Perhaps th' alteration is a' the beeter for 
 the sarvice," said the master, in a surly and 
 sarcastic tone, which failed not to reach its in-. 
 tended object. 
 
 In his progress forward. Crank suddenly 
 stopped to examine a novel apparatus, which 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 had been recently affixed to the breach of one 
 of the bow-chasers.* 
 
 " What have we here?" said he, pointing to 
 an arched index, which gave the angular eleva- 
 tion or depression of the gun. 
 
 " That, Sir," said Hasty, " we term a qua- 
 drant." 
 
 *' A quadrant ! — a quadrant !" reiterated the 
 veteran, with a hoarse laugh — " I say, Emily, 
 my dear," drawing his niece, from metal more 
 attractive, to inspect cold iron — " I say, you've 
 often heard me talk of shooting the sun, hav'n't 
 you ? Well, see here," added he, placing him- 
 self in a ludicrous position, as he looked along 
 the sight of the gun — " this is the way we do it 
 now. — Had you there, eh. Burton ? — ha ! — ha ! 
 har 
 
 Burton, who had been, hitherto, too warmly 
 assailed by the artillery of the eyes, to be in- 
 
 * The guns placed most forward, and those employed in a 
 stern chase ; or when the fugitive is directly a-head. 
 
224 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 terested in any scientific discussion on the sights 
 of cannon, drily exclaimed — 
 
 " Ahj Sir, this is but one of the many provi- 
 dent contrivances, lately invented, for rapidly 
 replenishing the population of the other world."" 
 
 " How do you mean, Sir?" sharply interrogated 
 Crank. 
 
 ^' Why, Sir, to provide against the conse- 
 quences of a too superabundant population, and 
 co-operate in the benevolent projects of the 
 Malthusian philosophy." 
 
 " Mathusalem ? — Damn it, man, he never 
 was at sea — was he, sister ? — you know best. — 
 If you go so far back, Burton, for a wrinkle, 
 why not try old Noah on a wind?— he was some- 
 tliing of a tar, in his time — though I believe, 
 too, he never saw a shot fired in anger in his 
 life.— Eh, Mr. Senna r 
 
 *' Just so," briefly replied the compounder of 
 drugs. 
 
 " But I see how it is," resumed the veteran — 
 " I suppose, by and by, to cope with the 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 2^5 
 
 Yankee cannibals, who, they tell me, have in- 
 vented an engine for throwing scalding water on 
 the decks of their victims, and boiling them 
 ahve; we must help the vultures out with a 
 volley of hot parsley-and-butter to make them 
 relish their carrion." 
 
 The only reply to this partly angry, partly 
 comic effusion, elicited from Burton, consisted in 
 an unfinished quotation — 
 
 " When Greek meets Greek " 
 
 " Greek, Sir," said Crank, interrupting the 
 lieutenant in his quotation — " the whole business 
 is Hebrezviome, — Come," continued he, address- 
 ing Hasty, and turning away from the guns — 
 ''- let's now look aloft." 
 
 Though as yet a silent looker-on in the rear, 
 Tiller fully participated in the spirit of his 
 master's remark. — It was completely tel mattre 
 tel valet. — Each thing derided by Crank, was 
 held in contempt by Thomas; who silently mani- 
 fested his disapprobation of every novelty or 
 l3 
 
226 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 invention by a scornful curl of the upper lip, 
 accompanied by a dissenting shake of the head, 
 as he squirted out, to the great annoyance of 
 Hasty, his tobacco-juice on the snow-white 
 deck. 
 
 Missing, in his minute examination of the 
 rigging aloft, those small lines which were for- 
 merly used for keeping the foot of the top-sails 
 clear of the top-rim, Crank, nudging Burton, 
 pointed to his sister, and whispered — 
 
 " T say, it would be well if some here could 
 remove the ' ci^ow' s-feef from the corner of their 
 top-lights, as easily as Captain Staunch has taken 
 his from his top-rims." 
 
 After again looking in the same direction 
 aloft, he dropped his glass from his eye, and, in 
 his surprise, caught suddenly his sister's arm. — 
 13y the grasp (perfectly unintentional) of the old 
 gentleman, her attention was arrested by that 
 which was professionally meant only for the ear 
 of the lieutenant, whilst he muttered in a tone 
 of horror — 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. ^21 
 
 " See here ! — they'll strip her next ! you 
 scarcely treat the craft with common decency. — 
 What's become of the mice on her stays ?" 
 
 The singular associations awakened in her 
 mind by this extraordinary allusion to animals, 
 which were always objects of terror to her, 
 excited afresh the nervous apprehensions of 
 his sister. — Aware, previously, of those prac- 
 tical jokes, which Crank used humorously to 
 assure her, were practised on the persons of the 
 fair who ventured afloat, the intimation of mice 
 on her stays, alarmed her beyond measure. — In 
 fact, no announcement of the most serious danger 
 could have given her feelings a greater shock.— 
 She screamed aloud, jumped up and down in a 
 perpendicular direction, all the while vehemently 
 shaking her clothes, in the full persuasion that 
 so^e mischievous urchin had had the rudeness 
 to practice on her fears, and to thrust mice down 
 her back between her gown and stays. — It was 
 with some difficulty, and not until she had 
 afforded much amusement to the sailors, who are 
 
J228 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 amateurs of every species of dancing, however 
 singular, that she could be so far calmed, 
 as to comprehend that the allusion was not 
 meant to the obnoxious animals named, but to 
 certain knots, worked on the collars of the lower 
 and top-mast-stays. 
 
 Like many individuals, who torture their 
 friends into an admiration of the domestic com- 
 forts they possess, as they drag their reluctant 
 visitors through every corner of their ill-assorted 
 houses ; so. Hasty, imagining his were as much 
 interested in his hobby as himself, proposed that 
 the party should inspect minutely every crevice 
 of the regions below. 
 
 To afford a full view of the * 'tween-decks,' 
 the tars were turned up,. and though the lower 
 deck was lighted expressly for the occasion, 
 with candles, placed before burnished tin reflec- 
 tors, still the vision could scarcely be said to be 
 assisted in so sudden a transition from the broad 
 glare of the sun, to the illuminated gloom be- 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 229 
 
 neath, crossed here and there by these concen- 
 trated rays of light. 
 
 Already Crank and Hasty had descended to 
 the lower-deck, by the fore-hatchway ladder ; 
 when Emily, at the expense of exhibiting to her 
 devoted conductor a well-turned ancle, followed 
 her mother and Senna in succession. 
 
 *' How delightful !" exclaimed the veteran's 
 niece, affecting admiration at the dazzling glare 
 of the reflections below, which, from the " dark- 
 ness visible" around, might not have been in- 
 aptly compared to plating on a coffin. 
 
 " Oh, dehghtful indeed ! *' re-echoed Mrs. 
 Crank, with a chuckle, and an elevation of her 
 head which brought her occiput into awkward 
 collision with the beams above. — 
 
 '•' What a shockingly low ceiling !" exclaimed 
 the injured fair one, in an altered tone — " I 
 wonder how they breathe here !" 
 
 Determined as Emily was to achieve the 
 heroine, both she and her mother seemed to 
 tread this deck as if instinctively apprehensive 
 
^0 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 that each foot would rouse the slumbering anger 
 of a venomous reptile. — Nor were the ladies 
 alone taken aback. — Had the quiet spirit of 
 Benbow been disenthralled from the dominion 
 of Pluto, and suffered to revisit the well-eco- 
 nomised and orderly haunts of the Spitfire s 
 crew, his surprise would not have been greater 
 than that which Crank testified, when his optic 
 nerve was assailed by a coup d'ceil, so unusual 
 and appalling. — Indeed, such was the effect the 
 illumination had upon his heated imagination, 
 that he was at first tempted to cry out, Jire^ or 
 assume the command, and order the 'firemen' 
 below to put it out. The dignity of the veteran, 
 however, quickl}' re-asserted itself, and he en- 
 deavoured to acco!int for the involuntary sur- 
 prise which had been excited, by exclaiming, 
 with a sneer — 
 
 " Hey-dey, Mister First Lieutenant — things 
 are come to a pretty pass in the service when 
 JacFs birth is lit up like a ball-room. — Ifi my 
 time a fellow was d d glad to find the way 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 231 
 
 to his mouth by the glimmer of a rope-yarn 
 greased in pork-slush." 
 
 Then stifling an oath, which he felt would be 
 thrown away in a case so hopeless ; and mode- 
 rating, as he thought, the expression of his 
 feelings within the hne of dignified rebuke, he 
 despondingly ejaculated — 
 
 *' Well, well — it's no matter— I see how it is 
 — the service is going headlong to the devil !'' 
 
 The only individual amongst the seamen, 
 who, during this inspection, had been permitted 
 to remain on the 'tween-decks, was an elderly 
 quarter-master, whose devotion to his studies, 
 procured him this exclusive privilege. Though 
 becoming a student late in life, he had disco- 
 vered an extraordinary aptitude for the acquire- 
 ment of languages orally ; or, in other words, he 
 could patter Dutch, Spanish, and Portuguese, 
 with a fluency which made him pass on board 
 for a perfect linguist. His prejudices against 
 the nation had stood in the way of his acquiring 
 the French language ; until a consciousness of 
 
^32 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 its Utility was awakened, by frequent intercourse 
 with the natives of the Islands of ' Houatf 
 and ' Hedic" in the Bay of Biscay, where our 
 cruizers on that station, were in the habit of 
 repairing to complete their water ; and, by the 
 lieutenant*s advice, he had, in an evil hour? 
 determined to acquire the language gramma- 
 tically. 
 
 " What are your studies, my man ?" asked 
 Crank, as he approached the linguist, who was 
 sitting solitarily in his birth, as if plotting 
 mischief or wooing the muses. " You seem 
 rather busily occupied ?" 
 
 " Busy, Sir !" said the bald-headed tar, rising 
 from his seat, and removing the quid, on which 
 he ruminated, from his mouth ; — " I've been as 
 busy as a bee in a tar-bucket the most o' the 
 morn, trying to take the thoro-puts out of these 
 here thundering French pronouns — but I believe 
 I must give it up for a bad job ; unless Mister 
 Burton there, will lend me a fist to clear the 
 kile." 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 233 
 
 Here Burton acquainted the veteran that his 
 venerable protegee (for he was quarter-master of 
 his watch) had, by his knowledge of their lan- 
 guage, already succeeded in facilitating the 
 capture of some Dutch and Spanish vessels. 
 His zeal for the service had inspired him with a 
 desire to qualify as decoy on the French coast ; 
 and added, that his want of acquaintance with 
 the language, was the only impediment which 
 stood in its way ; as he was an absolute Proteus 
 in adopting the disguise, (as far as respected 
 externals,) of every sea-faring nation, whether 
 friend or foe. 
 
 Despite of Crank's cynical remarks, the births 
 or mess-places, were really tastefully fitted up. 
 Their tables were scoured perfectly white, and 
 on the top of each stood a grog- kid, or small tub, 
 with its handle and hoops brightly burnished. 
 
 " For what purpose are these ?" asked Emily, 
 pointing to the tubs. 
 
 " Those, my dear ? — those are milk-pails," 
 
234 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 drily answered Crank — " For, I suppose," con- 
 tinued he, turning to Burton, " Jack now takes 
 cream with his tea" — a sally which convulsed 
 poor Tiller with a loud roar of laughter, and 
 drenched his only eye with a salt effusion of 
 delight. 
 
 Proceeding aft to the marines'' births, the ladies' 
 sensibilities were doomed again to be shocked, 
 by the loud and petulant inquiry of the veteran 
 on perceiving a line of huge boxes, drawn up 
 on either side of the mess-tables. 
 
 " Holloa ! — holloa ! — What have we here ? — 
 Are these arm chests ?" 
 
 " No," replied Hasty, with a smile; "these 
 are the midshipmen'' s chests." 
 
 ^^Midshipmen's chests ? — midshipmen's fiddle- 
 sticks," cried Crank, his eyes flashing with 
 indignation. " Why, damn it, Sir, each is as 
 big as a jolly-boat — I know when / was a 
 young gentleman, I thought myself in high luck 
 to get hold of a purser's candle-box to pack up 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 235 
 
 my traps. But I see how it is," said he, shaking 
 his head, and leaving his usual doleful predic- 
 tion unfinished. 
 
 Contrasted with the dark, dirty holes, en- 
 closed with greasy hanging screens, in which 
 young gentlemen of Crank's day were doomed 
 to domicile ; the ' midshipman's birth* of the 
 Spitfire, presented an orderly and cleanly ap- 
 pearance. A rich mounted glass lamp, sus- - 
 pended from the beams, gave light to the cabin. 
 The pannels of the bulkheads were tastefully or- 
 namented with stars, composed of dirks, swords 
 crossed, and other weapons of war. No doctor'^s 
 ' medicine chest,' covered with a dirty hammock, 
 or piece of greasy canvas, was suffered to usurp 
 the name or offices of a mess- table. Here, to 
 Crank's surprise, were seen no broken tea-cups 
 strewed about ; no cracked mustard-pots, black 
 Jacks, or battered tin tureens ; which last in his 
 day, encumbered the table at all hours, and 
 served, as occasion required, the double purpose 
 of containing grog or 'serving out soup.' All 
 
236 VISIT AFLOAT. 
 
 appeared clean, and arranged with a due regard 
 to neatness and comfort. A good oak table, 
 covered with a green cloth, occupied the centre 
 of the birth, on which lay a few well bound 
 books, whose titles reflected credit on the 
 selectors. 
 
 Having now completed their inspection, the 
 party appeared on deck, preparatory to leaving 
 the ship. — Pending the operation of ' hauling 
 up,' and ' manning ' the veteran's boat, Crank 
 had drawn the captain aside to the taffrail, 
 where he detained and held him firmly with his 
 left arm ; whilst, from the vehemence of his man- 
 ner and the sway of his right, which resembled 
 that of a boatswain's mate in the act of flogging 
 an offender, it struck Burton, that the old gen- 
 tleman was occupied in the very difficult task of 
 convincing this stubborn apostle of the new 
 school, that his system was erroneous ; his regu- 
 lations imperfect ; and his notions of discipline 
 far too lenient for the service. — The blood at 
 length rose in the old gentleman's face ; his eyes 
 
VISIT AFLOAT. 237 
 
 shot fire ; with his right hand raised aloft in air, 
 and standing on tiptoe, through intense energy, 
 he appeared to be concluding his arguments, as 
 clearly as action could convey his sentiments, 
 (for no sound reached Burton's ear ;) with an 
 assurance, that nothing short of giving half the 
 crew * three dozen "* a piece, every morning 
 before breakfast, deserve it or not, could 
 ensure good discipline on board a king's ship, 
 or render his authority respected. — The good 
 humoured commander, now released from his 
 grasp, laughed heartily, whilst he shook Crank 
 verv cordially by the hand, as if to atone for his 
 obstinacy in error ; and the old gentleman 
 hurried to rejoin his party (who were by this 
 time all embarked), and departed in a state of 
 excitement impossible to be conceived. 
 
238 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 The world is full of strange vicisitudes, 
 And here was one exceedingly unpleasant. 
 
 BVRC 
 
 In the evening of the subsequent day the 
 repose of the cottage was invaded by the ap- 
 pearance of an unexpected guest. Whether it 
 was to be attributed to the increased attention 
 paid by the surgeon of the ship to his patient, 
 at his earnest request ; and the more frequent 
 application of a potent embrocation ; or to causes 
 purely natural and unconnected with medical 
 skill, certain it is that Captain Staunch had so 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 239 
 
 rapidly, since Emily's visit afloat, recovered 
 from the effects of his late accident, that he was 
 enabled, after cautiously abstaining from any 
 unnecessary exercise of the limb for near thirty 
 hours, to draw his Spanish leather boots once 
 more on both legs, and direct the gig to be 
 manned to put him on shore, for the first time 
 since his arrival in harbour. — A very short time 
 elapsed before he presented himself to the family 
 at Camperdown Cottage, where he was received 
 with unaflected cordiahty by Crank, who. in the 
 true spirit of old fashioned, or what the haut 
 ton would call plebeian hospitality, produced 
 his best bottle as a proof of the sincerity of his 
 welcome. 
 
 It must not be presumed this was a visit of 
 mere ceremony. — Already preparations had been 
 commenced by Captain Staunch to fulfil his 
 pledge to Emily, as to the marine ball ; and be- 
 fore a second glass had been despatched, the 
 captain made a tender of his credentials to the 
 ladies in the form of cards of invitation to each. 
 
240 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 together with a number of others in blank; 
 which he requested they would fill up with the 
 names of such friends as they would have in- 
 vited, had the merry meeting been at their 
 own house. — By a singular coincidence, which 
 did not escape the notice of Emily, the dispro- 
 portion between the number of cards requesting 
 the honour of her company, and those soliciting 
 thehonour oihis company, were pretty nearly, as 
 Mrs. Crank ' hlueislily' observed, in the ratio of 
 the greater number of females born to that 
 of males, according to the opinion prevalent 
 amongst modern philosophers. 
 
 The captain apologized for the disparity, on 
 the plea that all his officers and young gentle- 
 men would, but for this precaution, be perhaps 
 condemned to the fate of Tantalus, should the 
 ladies by accident prefer their own neighbours 
 as partners. 
 
 Emily presumed to hint, that as the ladies of 
 her acquaintance were, for rural nymphs, suf- 
 ficient judges of etiquette to know that such 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. * 241 
 
 a neglect would appear both ungracious and 
 ungrateful, there was every probability that his 
 suspicions were unfounded. 
 
 Whilst the captain endeavoured to interest 
 the ladies in the fate of his young friends on 
 board, so that they might not be disappointed 
 of partners, Crank seemed lost in thought ; but, 
 in a minute after, brightened up, and roared 
 aloud with delight — 
 
 *'Let me alone — I have it— I have it — no 
 danger, but the craft shall be mann'd." 
 
 " Mann'd !" said Emily, " the difficulty seems 
 to be quite the other way, uncle." 
 
 "Difficulty, my dear," said he, "none in 
 the world. — Mann'd she shall be — for sooner 
 than there should be a want of hands, I'll make 
 one of the gang to board Miss Monitor's semi- 
 nary, and press all the able-bodied school-girls 
 into the service." 
 
 At this unexpected sally on the part of the 
 veteran, who had never previously been sus- 
 pected of any daring acts of gallantry, except in 
 
 VOL. I. M 
 
242 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 the face of the enemy, the whole party joined in 
 laughter. 
 
 Emily assured her uncle, that she would use 
 all her influence with her friends to prevent the 
 necessity of proceeding to such alarming extre- 
 mities ; whilst the captain was too strict a disci- 
 plinarian not to remind the old gentleman that 
 an Admiralty warrant, backed by the mayor of 
 the port, would be necessary to authorize so hot 
 a press on that station. 
 
 The time was agreeably spent in badinage of 
 this sort, until tea was announced. The matron's 
 manner towards Staunch during the evening, 
 sufficiently proved that it was only necessary he 
 should oftener avail himself of the hospitality of 
 Camperdown Cottage to establish himself, with 
 at least one individual of the family, a decided 
 favourite. Emily displayed her obedience to her 
 mother's commands, and the captain's wishes, by 
 performing a concerto on the piano, with so much 
 spirit and execution, that whilst he complimented 
 her on her acquirement, he could not refrain 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. ^43 
 
 from expressing his surprise that his lieutenant 
 had never apprized him of her musical talents. — 
 Any old woman could have explained the reason 
 of Burton's silence. But his captain was, in the 
 best acceptation of the term, a real sailor, and 
 not formed of that stuff which gratuitously en- 
 genders suspicion. 
 
 After once more recommending the case of 
 his officers to Emily's and her mother's com- 
 miseration, to avoid the dread alternative pro- 
 posed by her uncle, but which, he observed, could 
 not, with classical propriety, occur on board any 
 ship in the service except the Sabine ; he left 
 the commodore, who was too proud to ask an 
 explanation of a junior, deeply perplexed in 
 attempting to solve this mysterious hint, as to 
 the guilty history of a crack ship in his ma- 
 jesty's service. 
 
 ' The early village cock had twice done salu- 
 tation to the morn,' which was to consummate 
 the fond anticipations of amusement already 
 m2 
 
244 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 formed by the fashionables at Dartmouth, when 
 the old captain's bell rang a corresponding alarm 
 on the drowsy ear of his poor factotum. Tiller 
 was as busy as an unconscious being could be, 
 in recruiting nature, and repairing the conse- 
 quences of last night's indulgence in good cheer, 
 by a long nap ; and if it be fair to argue from his 
 total indifference to his own loud snoring, would 
 have continued whelmed in deep and drowsy 
 sleep, if even summoned by the boatswain's shrill 
 whistle, or the yet louder alarm of a thirty-two 
 pound carronade fired on the same deck ; had he 
 not been roused to duty by the insinuation of 
 the elbow of his old rib amongst those of his left 
 side. In evident ill-humour, he growled out — 
 
 "Avast there, Misses — what's in the wind 
 now. Bet r 
 
 Being made acquainted with the fact that his 
 master's bell had twice rung, he rose slowly, 
 rubbed the rheum out of his solitary eye, and 
 huddling on some of his clothes, repaired to his 
 master's bed-side. 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 245 
 
 " This is — sad — sad work — Thomas !'' said 
 the veteran, pumping out his words under a 
 paroxysm of pain, as Tiller approached the 
 clews of his cot — for Crank would have consi- 
 dered it an indignity to have been stowed 
 away in a lubberly four-post bed. " I'm 
 sadly — sadly afraid — oh ! — bless me ! What 
 a twitch that was — " groaned the old gen- 
 tleman — " I believe I did — did take a little 
 too much — " exercise, he would have said, but his 
 words were cut short by a groan ; and Tiller was 
 allowed the privilege of mentally concluding it, 
 as he thought most consonant to truth ; mutter- 
 ing, in an under tone, aside — 
 
 " I know \iyou didn't, somebody else did." 
 " No, no, Thomas," continued the afflicted 
 patient, — *' I'm not quite in trim — in trim for 
 this trip afloat — I fear — fear they'll have a wet 
 day of it." 
 
 '* I don't know, Sir — it's dry enough now — 
 though, I believe, some on 'em had a preciou 
 wet night of it." 
 
246 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 " Well, SO I thought, for I can''t tell how else 
 to account for this infernal attack — curse it, I 
 don't know — ^which aches most — my head or my 
 feet. — I suppose, Thomas, the glass is rather 
 —rather low this morning ?" 
 
 ^' Low, Sir !" said Tiller, shaking his head, 
 perfectly unconscious that Crank was alluding 
 to the state of the barometer, which had been 
 lately presented to his master by Burton — " I 
 know it^& lower nor it ought to be — I doesn't like 
 never to lay it to no one — 'kase I never seed the 
 old woman the worse for licker in my life — 
 but " 
 
 " But what ? — Where the devil are you 
 flying to now ?" interrupted the invalid — "why, 
 man, it's the weather-glass I mean.*' 
 
 " Oh ! I axes your pardon, Sir ; I thought 
 't>vas con9arning the bottle o' rum that was 
 missing last night at supper." 
 
 " D — ~n the rum — I want to know how the 
 weather is. — Is the wmd in a dry quarter .?" 
 
 " Wind ? — bless your heart, Sir, there's not 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 247 
 
 a breath— it's up-and-down, like a dog's fore- 
 leg." 
 
 " Well, but how does the day look ?" 
 
 " Lord, Sir — it's just like a morn up the 
 Straits — the dew on the grass glitters, for all 
 the world, like the gold lace on your honor's 
 roast-beef coat.'* 
 
 " Ah, Thomas !" said Crank, heaving a heavy 
 sigh, "that's always the way with me — when 
 there's any thing pleasant going on, I'm always 
 
 in for it. — D n it, on the 12th of April,* I 
 
 was the first fellow to get this infernal gash in 
 the cheek. — But never mind, Thomas — we must 
 take things as they are. — If it comes to the 
 worst — you shall take — take charge of the 
 women afloat ;" for Crank disdained the idea of 
 allowing any other boat than his own to convey 
 his family on board. 
 
 "But mind," continued he, "don't — don't 
 let the tiller out o' your hand — dangerous to 
 
 * Rodney's action. 
 
248 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 trust it to a woman, in a tide's- way : — and, ob- 
 serve — be particular, and point out every thing 
 afloat, they don't understand, — just in the same 
 way I would myself." 
 
 " No fear, Sir, — FU make it as pleasant to 
 the ladies, as if you were there yourself. But, 
 T hope. Sir, you'll be another man after break- 
 fast." 
 
 " No, no, Thomas : I sadly fear I'm in for a 
 week's spell of it — however — give me my traps, 
 and help me to rig — I'll make for the sitting- 
 room, before I get worse — for if I must be on 
 my beam-ends — I may as well be hove down in 
 one place as another. 
 
 Tiller had already assisted his crippled mas- 
 ter to his usual station at his favourite window, 
 which might be very properly called his obser- 
 vatory, where he received copious directions 
 from Crank, " to have the yawl in crack order ; 
 the cushions of the seats, beat and brushed, and 
 the crew cleanly shaved and rigged, ready to 
 muster by seven bells ; as he intended to over- 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 249 
 
 haul all hands, men and women, before they 
 embarked." 
 
 Meanwhile, preparations had been making 
 on board, for " rigging out the ball-room." Ere 
 dawn of day, parties were dispatched on shore 
 to procure laurels and evergreens of every de- 
 scription ; and despite of strict injunctions to the 
 contrary, many depredations were committed by 
 these marine marauders, amongst the neigh- 
 Louring shrubberies. 
 
 The decks underwent an extraordinary clean- 
 ing and grinding, and even water had been 
 heated in the coppers for the occasion. The 
 capstan, like other useless logs, was ••' un- 
 shipped," turned off the quarter-deck, and 
 placed before the mast. Every officer in the ship 
 was busy ; and, indeed, far too busy, for Hasty 's 
 peace of mind, in directing the decorations and 
 devising suitable emblems, to be chalked upon 
 the deck — nor was the subject unattended with 
 dispute. The master proposed a dragon, spitting 
 fire through a speaking trumpet, as emblematic of 
 M 3 
 
250 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 the ship's name. Hasty thought it a privateer- 
 like idea, and that on board a king's ship, no- 
 thing could look possibly better than the Crown 
 and Anchor. The purser agreed (as he always 
 did, right or wrong) with the first lieutenant, 
 and thanked his stars " 'twas a day-light dance ;" 
 adding, with the air of a man who thought he 
 was saying a good thing, " If the lady pa- 
 troness be the saint they say, and as fond of a 
 blaze about her, as those of the Romish per- 
 suasion, by George, she'd break me in candles^ 
 Burton, who had undertaken the part of 
 draughtsman and designer-general, was alone 
 silent ; and heedless of his brother officer's inco- 
 herent observations, proceeded in his task, and 
 completed, in different coloured chalks, various 
 classic, and happily conceived devices, on dif- 
 ferent parts of the deck. In order to make 
 room upon deck, the carronades were run close 
 out to the ship's side, whilst their slides were 
 turned fore-and-aft, on each of which was placed 
 a " spare purser's bed," neatly concealed by a 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 251 
 
 buntin flag ; thus converting the cumbrous bed 
 of this rude-throated engine of war, to the pur- 
 poses of voluptuous repose, or tender dalliance. 
 
 The awning overhead, was so disposed as 
 to assume the form of a handsome canopy, and 
 was splendidly decorated with the Spanish en- 
 sign, on the yellow ground of which, a rampant 
 scarlet lion, flanked on either side by^tall castles, 
 formed the emblazonry of proud Castilian 
 monarchs. 
 
 Spare sails attached to the outer extremities 
 of the awning overhead, and laced tightly below, 
 served to screen in the shrouds. These sub- 
 stitutes for decorated walls, were tastefully hung 
 round with many-coloured flags, and relieved 
 by festoons of flowers and sprigs of laurel. — Like 
 a large prop or pillar, supporting the ceiling, 
 the main-mast, from the awning down to the 
 deck, was dressed in evergreens, interspersed 
 with red and white roses : the whole scene pre- 
 senting a most picturesque coup d'oeih 
 
 It was now seven bells, that is to say, half- 
 
252 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 past eleven in the morning, when, according to 
 Crank's directions, TilJer exhibited the boat's 
 crew, (who by the bye, were all fishermen of the 
 place) clad in blue jackets, white trowsers, and 
 red waistcoats.* After a close inspection, and 
 a lecture from their master to abstain from 
 spirits, the boatmen were dismissed, and desired 
 to await the arrival of Tiller and the ladies on 
 the beach. 
 
 Crank, who knew as well as most people, the 
 value of tide, if not of time, now became exces-» 
 sively fidgetty and impatient, at, as he thought, 
 the unnecessary delay of the ladies at their toi- 
 lette. Nor did his impatience altogether pro- 
 ceed from caprice. He knew his sister was 
 deputed to act as lady patroness, afloat, and 
 therefore was anxious she should be on board 
 
 * The venerable chief magistrate of Westminster, appears, 
 in selecting the costume of his crew, or, as they are termed 
 by tke '' Fcmcy" the '* Robbing Rcdbreaxts,^' to have adopted 
 the partialities of the old school of seamen, \<hose ships' com- 
 panies, on all occasions were, with the exception of the swallow 
 tails, accoutred like these blue-birds of passage of the present 
 day. 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 253 
 
 in time to prepare for the reception of her 
 female friends. He had already, in vain, im- 
 plored her to hurry ; when at last perceiving 
 that the tide had turned, and likely to make 
 strongly against the ladies, before their toilette 
 was completed, he rang his bell in a rage, 
 and desired the servant who answered it, to give 
 his " compliments to the ladies, and tell them 
 J;hat if they didn't bear-a-hand, and rig, he 
 should instantly dispatch Tiller on board, to 
 decline the party altogether, particularly as he 
 was himself so great an invalid." 
 
 This peremptory message had the desired 
 effect. Emily aware of her uncle's capricious- 
 ness, particularly when suffering from gout, now 
 hastened to the drawing-room. 
 
 "Come!" said Crank, as she entered the 
 room all gaiete de coeur — " where's your mother? 
 — Why I'd heave a three-decker down in one 
 half the time you've taken to rig." 
 
 Mrs. Crank now followed her daughter. 
 
 " Oh, there you are — are you ?-• >^Vell, I 
 
S54 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 knew how it would be — knew you'd dawdle 
 away your time till you'd lose your tide ! — ' 
 However, let's see how you turn out —come, 
 toe-a-line the pair o' you — for I mean to have a 
 regular overhaul o' your rigging before you start 
 tack or sheet." 
 
 To keep the old gentleman in good humour, 
 particularly as he appeared now to have a little 
 respite of pain, Emily motioned to her mother 
 to obey orders ; when, both advancing together 
 in front of our arbiter of taste, and Emily, dis- 
 engaging from her shoulders a long silk lavender 
 coloured scarf. Crank exclaimed — 
 
 '' 'Pon my word, Miss Emily, you're braced 
 up sharp enough for a chase on a wind — why, 
 child, you've a waist like a wasp — but I suppose 
 you intend leaving your sting behind. — Had 
 you there, eh? — Come, come," conthiued he, 
 as he looked down at her feet — "you must 
 really shake another reef out — you show too 
 much daylight under the foot o"* your fore- 
 sail." 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 255 
 
 Possibly Emily might have profitted by her 
 uncle's advice, but she was a girl far too well 
 satisfied with her own taste, ever to be, in any 
 way, guided by his. 
 
 We have already said she was ambitious ; 
 and this feeling is never more legitimately dis- 
 played in a female, than when it exhausts jts, 
 often dangerous, excitement in an innocent desire 
 to excel others in the suitableness of attire — so 
 far the mode prevailed with her. Perhaps her 
 anxiety for display went a little farther — though 
 she was not, certainly, one of those enthusiasts in 
 the worship of the fickle goddess, Fashion ; 
 who, in their eagerness to appear in the height 
 of the mode, do not hesitate to adopt the most 
 culpable, and sometimes ludicrous excesses ; so 
 that, if long waists are revived, they are sure to 
 out- waist the young ladies in the days of good 
 Queen Bess ; or, if the nether garments of the 
 sex be "curtailed of their fair proportions," 
 they are almost sure to rival the Bavarian 
 brevity of Lislon's petticoats in his broom-girl's 
 
^56 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 dress. — Of none of these enormities, or monstro- 
 sities, was she guilty ; yet still she knew few had 
 a handsomer foot and ankle ; and it is not, 
 therefore, to be wondered at, that she was de- 
 termined they should be seen. 
 
 The matron was the next to pass muster. 
 
 *' Come, old lady," said Crank — " heave 
 about till I take a-stern view of you." 
 
 No sooner had his sister turned round, than 
 Crank, winking at his niece, jocosely observed, 
 
 '' Some of us loom very large abaft — one 
 would think we were going on a smuggling trip. 
 — I know, for m?/ part, I shouldn't like to ven- 
 ture near a man-o'-war carrying a false '** 
 
 here he stopped short. '* But never mind," he 
 continued — "if the master a't'arms doesn't 
 make a search for spirits — there's no snakes in 
 Virginia."" 
 
 The indignant matron now bristled up, and 
 observed, that " If she was the subject of any 
 vulgar allusion, it was luckily lost upon her — for 
 that she could never comprehend his vile techni- 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 257 
 
 calities. — Indeed,'' added she, " from the manner 
 in which we have been so rudely hurried to 
 embark, I could not have imagined there could 
 have been any time spared for such silly banter," 
 
 " Time !" said the veteran, — " there's time 
 now for any thing, since you've lost your tide — 
 and, moreover, there's time, too, for closer in- 
 spection — for, unless my eyes deceive me very 
 much indeed, you sport an extraordinary flush 
 in your face." 
 
 "Are we going on board, or not, Captain 
 
 Crank.?" said the matron, indignantly; at the 
 
 " same time endeavouring to blink her brother's 
 
 insinuation. — " Because, if vv^e be, it is full time 
 
 to send to Mister Senna." 
 
 " Mister Senna ! — Mister Senna's not going 
 with you at all— if I can't go, nobody, I pro- 
 mise you, shall occupy my place in the stern 
 sheets. — Thomas will take good care of you, 
 and he's already received his instructions. — But, 
 I say," added he, in a jocular tone — *' tell me 
 candidly, before you start— haven't you ? — now, I 
 
258 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 don't want to make you blush deeper — ^havVt 
 you had! — you know what I mean — had — re- 
 course to — recourse to slap* on your cheek.'' 
 
 " A slap on my cheek ! — why, what put that 
 in your head ?" asked the matron, with a sneer. 
 
 " Well, to be more exphcit, hav'n't you been 
 tickling your face with the hare's foot ?" 
 
 " Really, I don't comprehend you." 
 
 " Well, then, since you are determined not to 
 understand either 'oblique,' or 'traverse sail- 
 ing,** — in plain, downright English, hav'n't you 
 been daubing your face with rouge ?" 
 
 " Upon my word. Mister Crank, or Commo- 
 dore, as fools say, to please you," said the pious 
 matron, ruffled that either her precepts or 
 practices should be suspected, " Your remarks, 
 Sir — and before your niece, too, are insufferably 
 gross." 
 
 Thinking matters were going a little too far, 
 Emily interposed, and said, " Really, uncle, I 
 
 * This is a provincial term, confined to the localities of 
 Sallyport, Gosport, and Dock. 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 259 
 
 thought mamma Dever looked better ; and if she 
 has put on a leetle rouge, I'm sure it's very be- 
 coming. — Now come, uncle, sans badinage — in 
 your heart, don't you think so yourself .?'' 
 
 " I'll tell you what I think in my heart— I 
 think far worse of a woman that plaisters her 
 face with paint, than 1 do of a pirate — for if 
 one captures you under false colours, he does 
 it at the risk of his life ; — he knows he'U be 
 hanged if he's taken ; — whilst the other, who 
 entraps a poor fellow with dirty brick dust, not 
 only escapes unpunished, but claps the noose on 
 the neck of the innocent party. — And now that 
 IVe told what I think, shall I tell you what I 
 know F" 
 
 " What, Sir ?" asked Emily. 
 
 " Why, that hypocrisy isn't easier discovered 
 than paint !"* 
 
 The detection of this attempt to heighten the 
 
 * A witty French author defines paint, as a *' composition 
 which has the property of makinj^ old women a little more 
 ugly, and young women a little less handsome." 
 
S60 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 personal attractions, excited naturally enough, 
 in a woman who piqued herself on the supe- 
 rior purity of her motives, her strongest dis- 
 pleasure ; but that the opportunity should be 
 embraced in order to connect this comparatively 
 venial offence with the foul charge of hypocrisy, 
 was too much for the patience of the party as- 
 sailed. The fire flashed from her keen, expres- 
 sive eyes, and the blood, which mounted to her 
 cheeks and forehead, soon attested the truth of 
 the insinuation, by the strong contrast exhibited 
 between the natural and acquired complexion. 
 
 The sudden appearance of Senna, who was 
 now observed approaching the cottage in haste, 
 seemed, as it were, to act like one of his own 
 sedatives in appeasing the angry feelings of the 
 irritated matron. — The moment she perceived 
 him, she was about to leave the room, when 
 Crank, anticipating her object, good humouredly 
 recalled her, and said — 
 
 " See here, sister: upon second thoughts, as 
 the doctor would only be dosing me to death, 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 261 
 
 and as you would undoubtedly die were he left 
 behind, I think you may take him in tow after 
 all. — But, mind this! — Thomas has charge o"' 
 the boat." 
 
 No sooner had Senna entered the room, than 
 he expressed his regret for his patient's attack. — 
 He approached him with professional concern in 
 his face, and proposed to repeat his favourite 
 recipe ; but Crank declined his advice, observ- 
 ing, that " he had no desire to be dosing while 
 the doctor was dancing — all I want," said he, 
 " is now to be left alone, and see you all fairly 
 under weigh."" 
 
 In obedience to this insinuation, the party had 
 left the room to proceed to the beach, when a 
 loud hail from the veteran ' brought Tiller to,' 
 and back to his master. 
 
 " Thomas," said he, as his servant approached 
 him, " don^ forget what I told you in the morn- 
 ing — and, above all things, mind, that you, and 
 you alone, have charge o' the boat ; — and here 
 — before you go, just bend on a leading line 
 
26^ FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 from my chair to the bell-rope — for, you see, in 
 this position, I shall never be able to reach 
 it ; and I feel as if it would now require 
 a good gun-tackle purchase to raise me on my 
 pins." 
 
 Thomas had not long left his master, with 
 the comfortable assurance that he would strictly 
 comply with his orderS;, ere the boat was 
 observed shoving off from the shore. As 
 Crank had foreseen it, the tide was now making 
 strongly against them : and, indeed, as if decreed 
 by the Fates, it became manifest to the party, 
 that they were doomed for ' a long pull — a 
 strong pulF — though, perhaps not ' a pull alto- 
 gether. 
 
 The system of Pythagoras enjoined, as a 
 probation to those starting for the philosophic 
 goal, a silence of seven years. The hint was 
 too good to be lost on the family of Mister 
 Bull, who all seem Pythagoreans by birth, and 
 whether in a coffee-house, or a stage-coach, 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 265 
 
 a probationary taciturnity is imposed, as both 
 comfortable and pleasant. If the journey be 
 long, he preserves, for the first four hours, a 
 sullen silence — some have been known to have 
 a predilection for a still longer period of tacitur- 
 nity. On all hands, it would appear that a 
 somewhat similar estimate should be made of 
 the spirit of social independence, which ought 
 to characterize every English compagnon de 
 voyage: or, to be more blunt — that it is ^symp- 
 tomatic of liberty and free-born Bullish de- 
 meanour, that companions on a journey should 
 hold no intercourse ; until they have entirely 
 exhausted the science of conjecture, in deve- 
 loping, from their motionless features, the pro- 
 fession, wealth, or consequence, of each mute 
 fellow traveller. 
 
 Though their motives, as well as the element 
 on which they moved, were perfectly dissimilar, 
 yet it would appear that Mrs. Crank's party 
 had acted strictly in accordance with this 
 principle, during the tedious half hour which 
 
264 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 had already elapsed since embarking in the 
 boat. 
 
 The reader of romance may imagine that the 
 stillness of the scene, had thrown the rein on 
 the neck of contemplation ; or that the varied 
 and ' thick coming fancies ' of the mind, flowed 
 in corresponding exuberance with the waters of 
 the silent and rapid tide with which the boat's 
 crew contended. But no, reflections are oftener 
 suggested by the common-place incidents of life 
 than by romance, however highly wrought. 
 The unlucky allusion of her brother to her 
 toilette and principles, before setting out, still 
 furnished the matron with abundant, though 
 far from palatable food for reflection. Emily 
 was immersed in anticipations of display ; and as 
 for the doctor, from the lowering gravity of his 
 deportment, it might have been suspected he 
 was, or affected to be, absorbed, as a certain 
 barrister of the Emerald Isle would say, in a 
 syllogistic series of scientific solutions. 
 
 Although, to avoid contending with the 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 265 
 
 stream, Tiller had kept the boat close along the 
 border of the shore, yet such was the strength 
 of the tide, that the crew had experienced a 
 tiresome tug on their oars, ere he could venture 
 to shape a course in a lateral or * lasking' direc- 
 tion ahead of the ship. 
 
 Emily, who had been eagerly watching the 
 progress of the boat, since Tiller had altered 
 her course, was now the first to break silence. 
 " Oh, my !" said she, suddenly darting her bright 
 beaming eyes on the surface of the flowing 
 tide. " What's that black-looking thing on the 
 water ?" 
 
 " That there, Miss ?" said Tiller, pointing 
 to the object ; " that's a nun-buoy. Miss." 
 
 '' A 7iun-hoy !" exclaimed Emily, somewhat 
 startled, at an appellative which awakened a 
 train of thought in her mind, that might perhaps 
 have furnished a whole chapter to Hobbes, or 
 Locke himself, as to the strangeness of this 
 association of ideas. 
 
 " You see, Ma'am," said Thomas, touching 
 
 vol.. I. N 
 
^66 FATAL FESTIVITIES, 
 
 the matron on the shoulder, as soon as he had per- 
 ceived she had turned her head from the object 
 which had so suddenly attracted her daughter's 
 attention. " You see, Ma'am, he doesn't want 
 tapping, he watches like a dog." 
 
 *' We know — we know, '* testily interrupted 
 Mrs. Crank — " we don't want any further infor- 
 mation on the subject. — But, indeed," added she, 
 interpreting Tiller's phraseology into a less 
 equivocal sense, as she mistook the word 
 'watches' for zvashes. — "you're just like your 
 master, always more communicative on these sort 
 of subjects, than anxious to listen to those which 
 might tend to enlighten your besotted mind, 
 and lead you from that dangerous darkness, 
 under which you so unfortunately labour." 
 
 " Hurrah in the bow — Well, Ma'am, you 
 know a man can't help his misfortunes. — Give 
 way, Bob— But I dare say light, or dark," mut- 
 tered Thomas, not ^a little ruffled at an allusion 
 he considered personally directed at his ocular 
 defect — " light or dark, I can see as much with 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. S67 
 
 my single top-light, as you can with your two 
 barnacles* to boot — strike-out together, boys." 
 
 With difficulty Emily could suppress her 
 laughter at Tiller's ludicrous perversion of her 
 mother's text, when the latter exclaimed — 
 
 " Ah, like master like man !" 
 
 " Why, yes, Ma'am — I hkes to do every thing 
 like the captain, and partickler when he tells me 
 to do so himself. — What were his first orders this 
 morning ? ' Mind, Thomas,' says he, — God 
 help the poor man in the midst of all his pain ! 
 — aye, when his toes were tortering him worse 
 nor the nip of a Port Royal land crab — ' Mind, 
 Tom,' says he, — Thomas I mean — ' Mind,' says 
 he, 'and pint out every thing to the ladies 
 afloat, just in the same sort o' way as I would 
 myself.'" 
 
 " Well, I'm sure, after all, mamma, it was 
 very considerate of uncle, indeed." 
 
 " To be sure it was, Miss, — and where's t'other 
 'sides himself would have thought o' the same .^" 
 
 * Spectacles. 
 
 N 2 
 
268 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 ** 'Pon my word," said the matron, " you're 
 very loquacious, Mister Thomas !" 
 
 " Ma'am ?" — returned Tiller, unconscious of 
 her meaning. 
 
 '' I say you are a ^great deal too talkative for 
 your station." 
 
 ^' Station, Ma'am ?"" growled the one-eyed 
 tar, stung afresh by a rebuke which he was con- 
 vinced was unmerited. — " I believe a man's 
 never Tnore in his station nor when he obeys 
 orders. — Nor should I be doing my duty, if I 
 didn't explain, and moreover, in a plain sailing 
 way, every question I'm axed." 
 
 ''Just so," said Senna, who had been hitherto 
 silent ; " but it seems the ladies can dispense 
 with your plain sailing ways." 
 
 " Fve charge o' the boat, Sir," said Tiller, 
 thinking to silence the doctor. 
 
 " Well, we know all that already," snappishly 
 observed Mrs. Crank. 
 
 " Well, then. Ma'am, when Miss Emily axes 
 me, what's that black-looking thing on the 
 
FATAL FfiSTlVlTlES. ^69 
 
 water, would it be right in me to say, it was the 
 snout of a wliale, when I knew to the contrairry 
 — and when I Icnows there's no one better, when 
 the captain's not by, nor m}'self5 to pint out the 
 nature o' the thing in its nat'ral state." 
 
 " I really fear the fellow has been drinking," 
 whispered Mrs. Crank to the doctor, " but, 
 indeed Til not suffer it ;" then, turning to Tiller, 
 she exclaimed, in an authoritative tone, ** I 
 desire you desist. Sir — I don't at all understand 
 your indulging in that sort of language !" 
 
 " Why, what sort o' language would you 
 have, Ma'am ? — I wish the captain was here — 
 but it seems, just the same way with some ladies 
 as some lubbers,'* said Thomas, glancing a sig- 
 nificant look at the doctor, — " they never will 
 larn what they ought — then, if a body takes the 
 trouble to tell 'em the difference 'twixt a brace 
 and a bo\v^lin, or a sheep-shank from a shdnk- 
 painter, or the likes of that 'ere, — all the thanks 
 you get in return is, ' what sort o' language is 
 tliat?'" 
 
270 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 " Well, I must say," said Emily, laughing, 
 " Thomas has always evinced a ready disposition 
 to set us right on professional subjects." 
 
 " I hope. Miss, you don't call these profes- 
 sional subjects ?" said her mother, assuming a 
 moralizing air. 
 
 " Look here. Miss, you are a young lady o' 
 sense — it's no use talking to people as are detar- 
 mined to never larn nothing. — That there buoy, 
 you see, Miss," said Tiller, again pointing to the 
 object on the water — " sarves as a sort o' watchy 
 on the likes of such craft as she^ as soon as regu- 
 larly brought upT" 
 
 Though Tiller, in his own mind, had alluded 
 to the Spitfire, in the application of the pronoun 
 personal, yet it was not so apparent to the ladies 
 to whom it was applied. 
 
 " Watch what V asked Emily. 
 
 " Hold your tongue, child," testily exclaimed 
 Mrs. Crank. 
 
 " Why, you see. Miss," resumed he, re- 
 gardless of the matron's monition — " he pre- 
 
FATAL FESTiyiTIES. ^71 
 
 vents the craft getting foul o' one another — 
 having a bad birth, and the likes o' such awk- 
 ward and lubberly tricks." 
 
 "I declare the man's a perfect monster. —I 
 desire, Sir," said the matron, addressing Tiller 
 in an angry and agitated tone, " that you in- 
 stantly desist, and turn back for the beach, — 
 Po you suppose that / can tolerate such talk — 
 such wickedness on the water? — And as for 
 you. Miss, — ^you ought to be ashamed of your- 
 self. — But, indeed, you're the captain's adopted." 
 
 " Lord, ma ! — what's the matter ?'' ex- 
 claimed Emily. — " Surely Fve done nothing to 
 offend you ; and, I declare, I think Thomas is 
 one of the last men in the world that would say 
 an uncivil thing to any one." 
 
 " That's you, Miss," said Tiller. — " Hurrah, 
 boys, we gain on her now. — A chip of the old 
 block," muttered Thomas, aside. 
 
 " I fear,'* said Senna, " as they say in the 
 field, that we've been all on the wrong scent." 
 
 With this observation the dialogue clc(Sed.— 
 
27S FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 Whether it was that Mrs. Crank considered it 
 indecorous, or beneath her dignity to dispute 
 longer with a menial (for she was at all times 
 rather distant with Tiller), or that the name of 
 the ship suggested to Thomas the impolicy of 
 keeping up a war of words with a woman on the 
 water, we cannot stop to determine, but, certes, 
 a cessation of tongues for some minutes ensued. 
 The boat now reached within hail of the ship. 
 — Perceiving that Tiller was not steering for 
 the side on which, for the occasion, an accom- 
 modation ladder had been expressly fitted, the 
 sentinel on the forecastle directed the coxswain 
 to pull round on the opposite side. — As the tide 
 was running with the greatest rapidity, and the 
 boat's crew were not a little oppressed from the 
 heat of the weather ; Tiller, unwilling to give up 
 any vantage ground, by going under the stern 
 of the ship, rashly attempted to cross her ahead. 
 The ship's head was now on the left, and, un- 
 fortunately, the bhnd side of Tiller, and which 
 rendered him unconscious how fast he was 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 273 
 
 nearing her bows as he attempted to cross her 
 hawse. He was in the critical moment of 
 rounding the head of the vessel, when the stern- 
 most rower on the larboard side " caught," as 
 it is technically termed, " a crab," or, in other 
 words, was unable to extricate his oar from the 
 water in time with the rest of the crew. This 
 accident had, not only the effect of counteract- 
 ing the momentum of the boat, but of throwing 
 the other rowers (who, as we before said, were 
 fishermen, and not men-of-war's-men) into such 
 a state of confusion in the boat, that, coming 
 broadside on with the tide, and her keel being 
 caught by the cable, she was instantly upset, 
 and swept clean under the bows. An alarm was 
 instantly given by the sentinel on the forecastle. 
 With the exception of the alarm of fire, there 
 is no cry, perhaps, which excites a more general 
 sympathy and activity, than that of " a man 
 overboard."* The over-eager desire to render 
 
 * Naval anomaly— man or woman all the same. — The ur- 
 gency of the danger admits no designation of sex. 
 
 N 3 
 
274 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 assistance, in such instances, frequently defeats 
 itself, and endangers the life which it was in- 
 tended to preserve. — The forecastle was instantly 
 crowded with swarms of men, who were destined 
 to be mere spectators of a catastrophe they 
 could not alleviate. — The ball room preparations 
 occupied so much of the ship, that they were 
 all huddled together en masse; and so much 
 attention had been paid to the neatness of her 
 appearance, that scarcely a rope was left upon 
 deck to heave overboard. — The alarm of all 
 was the greater, from discovering, for the first 
 time, that not a single boat* had been left with 
 the ship — having been all despatched for the ex- 
 pected visitors. 
 
 Burton was among the first to jump in the 
 fore-chains. — Paralysed with horror, he beheld 
 a sight which never fails to appeal with electric 
 effect to the sympathy and courage of a young 
 
 * This practice, we are sorry to say, has been too often en- 
 couraged in vessels of war. — In Benbow's time it was con- 
 sidered a punishable offence. 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 275 
 
 man — ^a lovely female perishing. — But what was 
 his horror, when he perceived that female was — 
 his own Emily ; who, supported for a moment 
 by the buoyancy of her clothes, was fast whelm- 
 ing in the waves, and borne along in the tide with 
 fearful rapidity. 
 
 With that presence of mind peculiar to 
 him he rushed out of the chains — seized a 
 grating — flung off his coat and shoes, and, full 
 dressed as he was, precipitated both grating and 
 himself over the side ; and was barely in time 
 to catch at her long dishevelled locks, which 
 alone were now visible on the surface of the 
 water, and save her from sinking, to rise no 
 more. 
 
 Not Venus herself, when she enveloped the 
 beauteous Trojan boy in a cloud, and snatched 
 him from the fury of the Greek : — not Eneas, 
 as he bore aloft in his vigorous arms, from the 
 flaming ruins of Troy, the aged form of his 
 helpless parent, could have felt half the agonized 
 ecstasy which bewildered Burton's senses as he 
 
276 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 pressed the dying girl to his heart, and buffetted 
 his way to the grating, with the only arm now 
 disengaged for the safety of both, amid the 
 enthusiastic and encouraging shouts of the ad- 
 miring crew. — Courage is ever contagious: — 
 already a young midshipman had plunged over- 
 board, bearing in his teeth a long tow-hne to 
 their assistance. — In this expectation he was 
 doomed to be deceived, as the line, though 
 veered out rapidly by a seaman in the chains, in 
 sinking formed a bight, or semicircular bend, 
 which was borne by the tide in an oblique 
 direction to his course, neutraUzing all his efforts 
 to attain his object. 
 
 All the efforts of love and gallantry, however, 
 must have proved ineffectual, had not one of the 
 boats despatched ashore now appeared within 
 hail. — The loud order of the captain, delivered 
 through a speaking trumpet; and the hoarse 
 roar of the boatswain, who needed none, soon 
 announced to the gay votaries of pleasure in the 
 cutter, the nature of the disaster. As the men 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 277 
 
 now Strained every nerve, and bent their broad 
 shoulders to the oars, with redoubled effort, to 
 reach the drowning persons, a feeling of alarm 
 became general amongst the ladies and gentle- 
 men in the boat ; not unmixed with terror, lest 
 their humane interference might involve them- 
 selves in the fate of the sufferers, by their own 
 upsetting. — Mingled ejaculations of fear and 
 anxiety burst from every side. — '' How dread- 
 ful !"— " Nothing can save them !"— *« What a 
 noble fellow !" 
 
 '' Give way there, my hearties," cried the 
 coxswain, pointing to the grating. 
 
 " Mind, Mister Sailor," said a gentle dandy, 
 " how you try to save them — think, for mercy's 
 sake, of our own safety :" whilst a female, clasp- 
 ing her hands, exclaimed — " Gracious God ! we 
 shall all be drowned !''— But the most singular 
 feeling betrayed; if feeling it can be called, 
 which consists in its total absence ; was that of 
 some of the young ladies, who solely solicitous 
 to preserve their handsome dancing dresses, 
 
278 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 began to tuck up their feet to the bottom on the 
 seats on which they sat, faintly screaming — 
 " Bless us, how very disagreeable !" " We shall 
 all be wet /" " How very unfortunate !" "/ hope 
 it won't interfere with the ball !'* 
 
 These and many similar amiable insinuations 
 of sympathy, or rather unconcern, for the fate 
 of the young persons now fast hurrying to an 
 early grave, produced no other effect on the 
 tars, than to make them turn the quid in their 
 mouths, accompanied by some very wry faces, 
 and a shrug of the shoulder, which spoke, as in- 
 telligibly as silence ever spoke, a perfect con- 
 tempt for fashionable feelings. 
 
 The boat soon n eared the grating, on which 
 poor Emily was sustained, though lifeless, by 
 her fond, but despairing admirer. Into this 
 they were quickly hoisted in the arms of the 
 sailors. The young midshipman was soon after 
 picked up, who, out of consideration for the com- 
 fort of the young ladies, resolutely insisted on 
 not getting into the boat; observing, "that as 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 279 
 
 he had already been well drenched, he would 
 prefer holding on astern, and being towed on 
 board the brig." In a few minutes, the whole 
 party were brought alongside the accommoda- 
 tion-ladder, and put on board. Faint and 
 breathless, as he was. Burton resigned his lovely 
 burthen to no other arms ; but bore her singly, 
 her head drooping over his shoulder, with 
 zealous and anxious attention, and in a state of 
 excitement, impossible to be conceived, to the 
 captain's cabin ; where the surgeon of the ship 
 united with him in every possible endeavour for 
 her restoration. 
 
 The humanity of the reader may have been 
 shocked by the apparent neglect of Emily's 
 fellow- sufferers. — They are not, like us, aware 
 that she was the only person of the party in 
 imminent danger. — By singular good fortune, 
 the portly persons of Mrs. Crank and the doc- 
 tor, had perched a cross hawse, clinging by the 
 cable ; and the boat's-crew, with the innocent 
 author of the disaster, like expert tacticians, 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 swam for the gas-swamp boom, from whence 
 they were speedily picked up. 
 
 It would be an injustice to the gallantry of the 
 boatswain, not to mention, that he was the first 
 to descend the bows, with a running-bow-hne- 
 knot in his hand, in order to secure the persons 
 of the affrighted (and, had we any antipathy to 
 bald heads, we might have added frightful) pair 
 from their perilous plight : — for it would appear, 
 that on being thrown out of the boat, both were 
 pitched, head foremost, on the cable, the one los- 
 ing his " scalp," and the other her neat, nut-brown 
 coloured " toque." — Indeed, it was afterwards 
 asserted by many of the Spitfire's crew, that 
 amid the resounding screams, and imploring 
 ejaculations for personal aid, and, particularly, 
 pending the most alarming period of Emily's 
 danger, that it was a difficult matter to pro- 
 nounce, which cry prevailed most, that of " save 
 my child," or " save my wig." 
 
 But it must not be entirely left to the imagi- 
 nation of the reader to picture to himself, the 
 
I^ATAL i'ESTTVITIES. S8l 
 
 person of the boatswain ; more particularly as 
 his race, (and we say it with patriotic regret,) if 
 not already extinct, is, like other things of 
 genuine British growth we could name, fast 
 fading away. Not that the production was, in 
 this instance, so remarkable for its beauty, as 
 for that intrinsic value, which is so often con- 
 cealed beneath the most rugged appearance. — 
 For it must be confessed, Brace was no heau. 
 
 Fancy a long, raw-boned, powerful, bow- 
 legged, deep copper-coloured tar, with an eye 
 as piercing as his pipe. — A mouth like a had- 
 dock, and the quid-side of his cheek as large as 
 a moderate sized wen. — Fancy, like the Hair- 
 borough breed of the yiresent day, a thick fringe 
 of bushy, black hair running under his throat, 
 from ear to ear. — A tail as long as his arm, 
 stuck, on this occasion, between his teeth like a 
 whip. — Fancy such a being, attired in his Sun- 
 day (solitary) white frilled- shirt, tucked up 
 above his brawny elbows, with a rope in hand, 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 sliding upon the cable down to the aid of the 
 horror-struck matron. 
 
 " There you are, Ma'am," said he, —handing 
 her the rope, "just clap the bight o** the bowlin- 
 knot under your counter. — No fear, Ma'am — 
 we'll haul you up like a lady. — I say, bear a 
 hand and heave us down another rope," added 
 he, hailing the forcastle — " d — n my eyes, if 
 the gemman won't slip the cable, and his wind in 
 the bargain." 
 
 This intimation was not likely to allay the 
 fears of the apothecary, who, if possible, was 
 more frightened than any of the party. 
 
 " Mind," said Brace, addressing six or seven 
 broad-shouldered tars, who had hold of the rope 
 which was to haul the portly person of Mrs. 
 Crank upon deck. — " Mind how you haul up 
 the lady — recollect she's lost her bob — hand- 
 somely — handsomely. — No fear. Ma'am. — Sup- 
 pose you do heave your pins in sight, there's no 
 one can see 'em but me, and Fm none o' your 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 283 
 
 In this sort of strain, the boatswain pursued 
 his merciless raillery, until the petrified pair 
 were raised, wringing wet, on the forecastle, 
 in the most miserable plight that can be con- 
 ceived. 
 
 Hasty, who had already prepared a dry suit 
 of clothes for the unfortunate Senna, was ready 
 to conduct him to his cabin. — Nor was the cap- 
 tain, who had been below when the accident 
 occurred, deficient in rendering that prompt 
 relief, which the unfortunate situation of the 
 lady patroness required. — His coxswain's wife 
 had already provided warm and comfortable 
 attire for the suffering fair ones. 
 
 The pitiable plight of the dripping and droop- 
 ing pair, as they were conducted aft, under con- 
 voy of the first lieutenant and captain, presented 
 a striking contrast with the gaiety of the festive 
 preparations, and the decorated scene around — 
 indeed, their appearance was truly calculated to 
 have excited, in more tender hearted souls than 
 
284 FATAL FESTIVITIES. 
 
 sailors, a powerful sympathy ; if not a passing 
 reflection on the uncertainty of human fate. But 
 no— though the arts and sciences flourished 
 afloat, — though solutions could be solved — 
 stockings wove, — or watches manufactured — 
 though linguists, poets, painters, and sometimes 
 a sea lawyer, were to be heard holding forth in 
 the * King's Bench' of the Spitfire^ still, singular 
 as it may appear, — neither saint nor senti- 
 mentalist was to be found in her whole crew. 
 
 Indeed, the ludicrous figures which the lady 
 patroness and her medical companion presented, 
 in consequence of the loss of their wigs, as they 
 walked all dripping aft, seemed to excite less 
 the commiseration, than the laughter of the crew. 
 The boatswain, who, like many wags in the 
 world, would rather lose his friend than his 
 joke, (particularly were the latter the better of 
 the two,) was ready to split his sides with 
 laughter, loudly exclaiming, as he followed 
 them with his eyes — 
 
FATAL FESTIVITIES. 285 
 
 " There they go, — like a couple o** craft in a 
 hurricane, scudding* under hare poles.''' 
 
 * A ship either scuds with a sail extended on her fore or 
 main masts — or, if the storm be excessive, without any sail, 
 which, in nautical language, is termed " Scudding under bare- 
 poles." 
 
286 ALL IN THE WRONG. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 ALL IN THE WRONG. 
 
 " Here was wrong on both sides ; and what could follow but 
 confusion ? " 
 
 Leslie. 
 
 Long ere the period to which our narrative 
 has arrived, Crank, who had pursued the 
 party with his telescope, alternately occupied in 
 anticipations of disaster, in consequence of his 
 enforced absence, and in murmuring denun- 
 ciations against the ill-starred head of his poor 
 coxswain for his lubberly mode of approaching 
 the ship's hawse in a tidesway, had witnessed all 
 the horrors of the scene. With all his bluff, 
 
ALL IN THE WRONG. 287 
 
 overbearing habits, and uncouthness of phrase, 
 nature had not stinted him in feeling : and no 
 mother could have witnessed the imminent 
 danger of her nursling with more lively alarm, 
 or tender solicitude than he had that catas- 
 trophe, which, had it been realized in all its 
 horrors, would doubtless have shortened the 
 veteran's days. — Fortunately, as the boat *had 
 gone ahead of the vessel, his view was somewhat 
 obstructed, and consequently he was not aware 
 of the extent of the danger to which his friends 
 were exposed — he had seen enough, however, 
 to convince him the boat was upset, and after 
 the first shock had subsided, and his feelings had 
 vented themselves in an imprecation of an 
 enormity, suitable at once to the occasion, and 
 the dignity of the veteran, he immediately turned 
 his thoughts to alleviate their misfortunes by 
 the only means in his power — he vociferated 
 loudly for Emily's maid — he tore at the line 
 which led from the chain to the bell rope, and 
 
288 ALL IN THE WRONG. 
 
 which, little calculated for so rude an assault, 
 snapped short in his hand— the most grotesque 
 series of strugglings ensued to raise himself 
 from his chair, and his rage had twice placed 
 Kim on his feet, in an unavailing effort to reach 
 the bell, when the alarmed cook hurried un- 
 ceremoniously to his aid, and thinking he was 
 seized with some violent paroxysm of gout, burst 
 open the door, and stood at his side. 
 
 *^ Why the devil don'^t you scud for dry 
 duds?" cried the excited veteran, addressing 
 Tiller's spare-rib, as if the poor woman were 
 per force cognizant of every circumstance in 
 which he was at that moment interested. 
 The only reply, if such it might be called, 
 this mandate received from the cook consisted 
 in a vacant stare, soon succeeded by a blush, 
 which indicated a surmise that somethino: 
 awkward had happened to himself. 
 
 " What do you stand there for, like a fool ? 
 What are you staring at.'''' cried the old gentle- 
 
ALL IN THE WRONG. 289 
 
 man in an increased passion — " Why don't you 
 scud for the traps ? — scud, — I tell you." 
 
 The poor woman, in a fright, flew to her mas- 
 ter's wardrobe, the contents of which were most 
 unceremoniously flung out of the drawers and 
 slides, till she had secured, as she thought, the 
 unexplained, perhaps, inexpressible, object of 
 her search. 
 
 " Here they be, Zur — don't'ee vlurrie theesel 
 — don't'ee vlurrie theesel — it might be worze," 
 said the old woman, as she presented to her 
 master a pair of short kerseymere unmen- 
 tionables. 
 
 " What the devil are these for?**' said Crank, 
 flinging them back in her face — *' d — n it, you 
 women are always thinking of the breeches — 
 don't you know, they are capsized in the yawl ?" 
 
 " The Lord deliver us ! you don't'ee zaey zo, 
 master. What, and Toomas too ? — Well, well, 
 well !" cried the old woman, wringing herhands — 
 "I always thought i'fackinswhat them there plea- 
 zure parties on the water would coom too. Oh, 
 
 VOL. I. o 
 
290 ALL IN THE WRONG. 
 
 dear, dear! what's to be done! — what's tobedone? 
 —my poor MissEmily ! Oh, Tom, Tom, Tom ! ! !'' 
 " The devil Tom you, you blubbering old 
 blockhead ! — why don't you fly, as I told you at 
 first, and get the dry duds for the women?"*' said 
 Crank, forgetting, that in his hurry and alarm 
 at the first shock, he had not even mentioned who 
 they were. The old woman, with the assist- 
 ance of Emily's maid, soon collected a wardrobe 
 for the ladies, whom Crank directed to run down 
 to the beach, and 'press the first fisherman's boat 
 to take her instantly off to the brig. 
 
 Mrs. Tiller was no sooner despatched than 
 Crank bethought himself of an expedient to 
 quiet his anxious suspense — and now he felt the 
 value of Burton's present. 
 
 " Give me that blue-covered book," cried he, 
 pointing to the piano, as he addressed the lady's- 
 maid, and the only servant now left in the 
 house ; " I shall telegraph the brig : in the 
 mean time you be ready to bend on the num- 
 bers, and hoist them as fast as I tell you." 
 
ALL IN THE WllONG. 291 
 
 Though quite autjuit at telegraphing on her 
 fingers, Martha was nothing of an adept in con- 
 veying a message through the medium of buntin ; 
 nor was the veteran now, from his continued 
 excitement, altogether competent to condense a 
 telegraphic despatch. He thumbed, and turned 
 over and over the leaves of the signal book ; in 
 vain he sought the vocabulary for the tniest 
 selection of words to embody the inquiry he 
 wished to convey — ' Let me know the worst.'' 
 But no — there was no such word as ' worst' to 
 be found in the ' telegraphic' part of the book. 
 In fact, it was never imagined possible, by the 
 proud constructors of our naval code of signals, 
 that on board a British man-of-war matters 
 could ever come to the worst. 
 
 At length, after puzzling his head for half 
 an hour nearly, as to the best mode of shaping 
 the purport of his signal, he decided upon 
 applying one of the ' general signals' to his 
 purpose. 
 
 " I have it,"" said he—" here it is—* Report 
 o2 
 
292 ALL IN THE WRONG. 
 
 Damages' — that *ill doit. — Bend on," continued 
 he, addresing the maid—" bend on ' twenty- 
 four' — that's Blue Peter— let's see, though — yes, 
 Blue Peter, over quartered red and white." 
 
 *' Bless you, Sir!" said Martha, "I know 
 about as much of blue Peter, as I do of salt- 
 petre." 
 
 " Well, then, you simpleton, run into the gar- 
 den, and fetch me the flags you'll find in the 
 pigeon holes, marked two and four ,•" — for 
 Crank, since Burton's present, had constructed 
 there a signal-chest, which contained a complete 
 set of numeral flags. 
 
 " Now," said he, as the maid brought him 
 the flags — " there they are for you, both bent 
 together; you've nothing to do but to hoist 
 them up." 
 
 After fumbling a considerable time .-At the 
 flag^ staff", Martha, in mistake, inverted the 
 numbers, and hoisted forty-two^ instead of 
 twenty-four, which she kept flying, and returned 
 to the invalid to report her proceedings. 
 
ALL IN THE WRONG. 297 
 
 By the aid of all sorts of ante-spasmodics and 
 other medicinal restoratives, the fair sufferers 
 afloat were, by this time, not only considerably 
 recovered, but, by the extraordinary dispatch 
 of Mrs. Tiller, again clad in odds and ends of 
 their own apparel. 
 
 The cabin became crowded with both ladies 
 
 and gentlemen. — Emily was reclining on the 
 
 sofa, and her mother seated beside her, when 
 
 their many gratulations and soothing attentions 
 
 were abruptly disturbed by the hurried entrance 
 
 of the midshipman of the watch, who rather 
 
 too. loudly exclaimed, as he opened the door — 
 
 '" Forty-two, Sir, is up at the flag-staff on 
 
 shore, and it is still kept flying, though we've 
 
 hoisted the ' answering pennant.' " 
 
 "Forty-two?" said Staunch. 
 
 " Oh, Sir,'* said Burton, " I dare say Captain 
 
 Crank, availing himself of an old signal book I 
 
 gave him the other day, is anxious to know the 
 
 result of the accident. — I'll run and see what he 
 
294 ALL IN THE WRONG. 
 
 Burton instantly returned with a duplicate of 
 the veteran's book in his hand. 
 
 " It's impossible the number can be forty- 
 two,"' said the lieutenant, whose manner indi- 
 cated, as well as his gesture, the most unfeigned 
 surprise at the singularity of the signal now 
 flying on shore. 
 
 " Why ?" asked Staunch. 
 
 '*0h, it's impossible. Sir !" 
 
 '' But why, man ? — ^your reason ?" 
 
 "Why, Sir.? — Because the signification of 
 forty-two is — but read it yourself. Sir," said 
 Burton, stopping short and handing the book to 
 the captain. 
 
 " Forty-twc—Let's see," said Staunch, 
 turning to the explanatory leaf, and reading the 
 signification of number forty-two aloud — " * Is 
 the enemy in a sinking statef^ " 
 
 ^^ Enemy sinking T exclaimed Mrs. Crank, 
 who caught enough of the sentence to irritate 
 her by the unlucky association of ideas excited 
 in a mind, where words too frequently tyran- 
 
ALL IN THE WRONG. 295 
 
 nized over thoughts. — " Oh, the heathenish 
 wretch," she continued, rage almost choking her 
 utterance, "to make so unfeeling a jest when — 
 our lives were in such imminent danger! — But — 
 I see it too plainly. — The enemy ^ indeed I — No : 
 thanks to the almighty and merciful'Disposer of 
 all events, the enemy, for it's me he means, has 
 been most providentially spared,'* 
 
 Here she covered her face with both hands, 
 and sobbed convulsively, and was only saved 
 from an hysteric fit by the united attentions of 
 the ship's surgeon, and her own body physician. 
 
 Of the ball it is unnecessary to say more 
 than implied in Tom Tiller's observations — that 
 " the capsize had clapped a stopper over all." 
 
^96 RECRIMINATIONS. 
 
 CHAPIER XVII. 
 RECRIMINATIONS. 
 
 " All's not oflfence that indiscretion finds." 
 
 King Lear. 
 
 Under the circumstances of excitement 
 naturally attendant on the calamitous issue of 
 these intended festivities, it is to be presumed 
 that Burton relinquished not the envied prero- 
 gative of reconducting to the anxious veteran 
 Emily and her aunt. — From the time of their 
 descent into the boat, the old gentleman's eyes 
 were perpetually on the strain to discover what 
 had been the result of the accident. — As far as 
 
RECRIMINATIOKS. 297 
 
 ' counting heads ' went, he could distinctly make 
 out that none of his little crew were missing — a 
 circumstance which led him, in a tone of con- 
 gratulation, to exclaim — '' Well, it's something 
 to find that none of them have lost the number 
 of their mess!" 
 
 As the boat neared the shore, he observed, 
 with mingled feelings of surprise and alarm, his 
 niece supported by pillows, and on Burton's 
 arm ; who was occasionally occupied in adjusting 
 a heap of ship's flags and cloaks round her feet 
 and person. — The causes of these emotions were 
 scarcely well defined to himself; for whilst he 
 attributed them to anxiety about his favourite, 
 he occasionally felt a compunctious visiting as to 
 the familiarity of manner, and alarming posture 
 of those of the party in whom he felt most in- 
 terested. — He had been sufficiently chagrined 
 with the implied neglect, or rather discourtesy, 
 as it struck him, in the commander of the brig 
 not having answered his signal ; but what most 
 contributed to his annoyance, was his total iu- 
 o3 
 
298 RECRIMINATIONS, 
 
 ability to move from his chair, or to attempt to 
 ascertain, in person, the real state of affairs. 
 He was obliged, therefore, to act by deputy, 
 and, notwithstanding his old-bachelor-like reluc- 
 tance to employ a female on any mission of 
 importance, Emily"'s maid was dispatched to 
 reconnoitre and collect intelligence. 
 
 But here again he was ordained to experience 
 fresh mortification : for the warm-hearted girl's 
 feelings were soon too much interested in the 
 scene to permit her to comply with the tenor of 
 his instructions; all recollection of which was 
 lost the moment she witnessed the piteous plight 
 of her young mistress, whom she affectionately 
 caught in her arms, bedewing her plenteously 
 with her tears, and blubbering like an infant. — 
 Nor was it until reassured by the kind and 
 grateful tone of Emily's soft voice, that her 
 stormy grief subsided. 
 
 A tempest of feelings of another description now 
 raged in the bosom of the old gentleman, at find- 
 ing himself deserted during the period occupied 
 
RECRIMINATIONS. 299 
 
 in their tedious progress up the winding steep. 
 Every effort he now made in his passion to get 
 upon his legs, as they were unavailing, tended 
 but the more to inflame his resentment, which, 
 glancing with the rapidity of an arrow from the 
 disaster to his own crippled state, and again from 
 his lameness to the negligent messenger, unluckily 
 happened to light, at last, upon his poor fac- 
 totum, Tom, whom he repeatedly denounced as 
 ' a lubberly old rascal.' — " D— — n the fellow,"" 
 said he, " didn't I tell him to be cautious what 
 he was about in a tidesway ? — See what it is not 
 to have been there myself. — But I might have 
 known it all, if I hadn't been as stupid as he. — 
 All the morning I had a sort of comeoverishness 
 about me that something would happen ! — This 
 
 d d gout, too, coming on just at the time, 
 
 might have warned me. — A man ought not to 
 be above these presentiments — there's something 
 always in 'em — and yet that unbelieving sister 
 of mine, as usual, will face me out it's all vulgar 
 prejudice, — She might as well deny there's such 
 
300 KECRIMINATIONS. 
 
 a thing as Providence, and, strange to say, she's 
 always jabbering about it. — I hate a soger's 
 phrase, but now I'm sure there's some truth in 
 their saying, '* every bullet has it's billet.' " 
 
 The noise of many persons in the hall arrested 
 his attention, and stopped the volubility of his 
 vehement invective. — And, lucklessly, the first 
 object on which his angry eye flashed, was the 
 person whom he had predetermined within him- 
 self was the cause of the whole calamity. 
 
 " Scud, scoundrel !*" cried he, the moment 
 poor Tiller thrust his devoted head into the 
 room — " away with you, if you don't want your 
 brains knocked out," menacing him with his 
 brandished crutch—" though brains you can 
 have none ! — you tripe-headed, lubberly, squint- 
 ing old savage !" 
 
 Tiller was destined to be quickly avenged, 
 and the veteran enjoyed not long the privilege 
 of playing the part of assailant. 
 
 " Savage ! would that he were the only one,'"* 
 exclaimed a tall, haughty, singular, sybil-like 
 
RECRIMINATIONS. 301 
 
 figure. — Her fine person was loosely enveloped 
 in the most incongruous and unbecoming attire. 
 — To supply the lack of stays, she had wound 
 round her waist a long crimson scarf, whose em- 
 broidered ends depended a la Turc. — Her head 
 was bound up in a black handkerchief, now 
 destitute of its wreathing curls, as her expressive 
 face was of those enforced smiles, with which she 
 was wont to smooth the, natural character of 
 features; which, though fine and regular, seemed 
 only calculated to display to effect the highest 
 possible excitation of feeling. — And now, push- 
 ing Tiller scornfully aside, she strode haughtily 
 across the room, and when right in his front, 
 contemptuously addressed her brother-in-law — 
 
 ''Your barbarity. Sir, might have confined 
 itself to your own house, and not unfeelingly 
 have made my misfortune a subject of mirth be- 
 fore a whole ship's crew !" 
 
 If the poor man^s mind, already staggered 
 through the violence of the feelings which beset 
 him; the surprise and the shock which his 
 
302 RECRIMINATIONS. 
 
 awakened sensibility now experienced from this 
 rude assault, nearly bereft him of the use of his 
 reason. 
 
 " Barbarity ! — My own house ! — Mirth !— 
 Ship's crew! — Why, Madam, what the devil 
 are you at? — are you mad .^ — But what sig- 
 nifies whether you are or not I — Where's my girl ? 
 — get out of the way — ^let me see her. — Poor 
 child ! — Come hither, come. — How dreadfully 
 ill she looks !'' and, whilst the old man stretched 
 forth his eager arms to catch her to him, as she 
 came feebly forward, supported between her 
 maid and Burton; the sullen tears chased each 
 other down his venerable face. 
 
 The grateful Emily fell on his neck without 
 speaking : as soon, however, as she had re- 
 covered herself, and was placed on a sofa which 
 had been wheeled round towards her uncle's 
 chair, she pointed to Burton, who stood beside 
 her, and said — 
 
 " To your friend I owe every thing. — He it 
 was who risked his own life to preserve mine !" 
 
EECRIMT NATIONS. SOS 
 
 " Brave heart ! — did he ? — It's like a sailor. — 
 Let me grapple him — your hand, my boy — I'll 
 never forget it — long as I live ! — fine fellow ! — 
 I wish I was only First Lord of the Admiralty 
 
 — I'd, I'd " the rest of the sentence was 
 
 unfinished, and he continued, gazing on Emily's 
 pale features — " You may well call him friend !" 
 said he, patting his niece on the shoulder, " and 
 whilst I live, I shall never cease to be his." 
 
 To these effusions of gratitude Burton was 
 saved the trouble of framing a suitable reply, 
 by the rising indignation of the tragic heroine, 
 which burst forth in an exclamation — 
 
 " Friend ! — Fine professions, truly ! whilst 
 you denounce your family as enemies ! — What 
 could you mean by it, barbarous man I in mi/ 
 condition ?" 
 
 Here Crank, who was no longer under the 
 influence of fear or excited sensibility, but at 
 liberty to examine the singular attire of his 
 sister, could not refrain from laughing, as he 
 exclaimed — 
 
304 RECRIMINATIONS. 
 
 " Enemy ! — It must be all imagination — 
 though, to be sure, you look as if in chase of an 
 enemy, for you've got, I see, all clear for action 
 — every thing battle fashion," continued he, 
 winking at the lieutenant, — " waist bound taught 
 — black handkerchief round the head — not a 
 l(yve-\oc\i to be seen. — Had her there,- eh ?"" 
 
 " Unfeeling scoffer ! — It's not the only insult 
 I've been doomed to bear from you to-day. — 
 Your sneering signal, too, might have been 
 spared ; and, when persons' lives were in danger, 
 it ill became you," said she, pointing, as though 
 in allusion to his gouty chair — " ' to sit in the 
 seat of the scorner.' " 
 
 " More of your tracts ! — Egad, they seem to 
 have turned her head !" 
 
 Here Senna, who was slow to embroil him- 
 self in family disputes, thinking there was a safe 
 opportunity for mediating, attempted an ex- 
 planation, and in a few words related the cir- 
 cumstances which had occurred in the Spitfire's 
 cabin, and the announcement then and there 
 
RECRIMINATIONS. 305 
 
 made of the strange signal seen flying at the 
 cottage. — In this he was corroborated by Burton, 
 who observed that the signal number, forty-two, 
 was still flying in the garden_, which the captain 
 would find, on referring to his book, signified — 
 
 " Is the enemy in a slnMng state ?" 
 
 The whole truth at once flashed upon the 
 veteran's mind, who, with cordial good humour, 
 confessed the mistake had certainly given good 
 ground for offence, which he heartily disclaimed, 
 and thus apologized — 
 
 ''Ah, if you had known my feelings then, 
 sister, you would never suspect that I could 
 have allowed myself to jest at such a moment.*" 
 
 Mutual explanations took place between the 
 three gentlemen, as to the causes of the accident: 
 unluckily for Tiller's reputation, the explanation 
 assumed all the aspect of a court-martial upon his 
 conduct — differing only in this respect, that the 
 poor fellow was doomed to be condemned without 
 ever being heard in his own defence. 
 
306 AVOWAL. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 AVOWAL. 
 
 The hand which still held Juan's, by degrees 
 Gently, but palpably, confirm'd its grasp, 
 As if it said, " detain me, if you please ;'' 
 Yet there's no doubt she only meant to clasp 
 His fingers with a pure platonic squeeze : 
 She should have shrunk as from a toad, or asp, 
 Had she imagined such a thing could rouse 
 A feeling dangerous. 
 
 Byron. 
 
 The weather had, for the last twenty-four 
 hours, indicated a probable change in the wind, 
 which by blowing steadily from the south-west, 
 had pent up his imprisoned spirit several days. It 
 occasionally varied two or three points for a mo- 
 ment early in the morning and evening ; though it 
 
AVOWAL. 307 
 
 Still blew pretty steadily during the day into the 
 harbour. In one of these flaws, a slight shower 
 fell, which was taken by the captain as a pretty 
 strong presumption that the weather would break 
 up ; and he gave orders, in the evening, that all 
 should hold themselves in readiness for imme- 
 diate departure, for that in the event of the 
 wind chopping round to the northward and 
 eastward, he should avail himself of the morn- 
 ing's tide, and weigh anchor by dawn of day. 
 His motive for getting to sea at so early an hour 
 was derived from previous observation (when 
 a junior), of the inconveniences often sustained 
 by vessels bound down channel, waiting in port, 
 as is usual, for the arrival of the post, or for the 
 completion of some object which might as well 
 have been accomplished on the previous evening 
 by a little forethought. In some instances, the 
 vessel had lost the tide altogether, and in most, 
 owing to this imprudent delay, she had failed to 
 secure before dark such an offing, or distance 
 from land, as was necessary for her safety. 
 
308 AVOWAL. 
 
 should the weather alter, and the ship have to 
 contend with an adverse wind on a lee shore. — 
 The crew, generally speaking, as well as his offi- 
 cers, were gratified by the intelh'gence ; but there 
 was one heart which felt a more than ordinary acce- 
 leration of its'pulsation, when it was announced by 
 the captain on the quarter-deck, that the vessel 
 would most probably weigh by daylight next morn- 
 ing. The words were scarcely out of his mouth 
 before the person most affected by this intelligence 
 solicited, and obtained permission to go on shore. 
 And as he had attired himself for dinner, and a 
 party was in the act of manning a boat to leave 
 the ship for fresh vegetables and other purposes, 
 a Very, few minutes landed him on the beach, 
 and seated him beside the sofa at Camperdown 
 Cottage, on which reposed the languid form of 
 Emily. The character of her beauty was en- 
 hanced by the absence of the high flush of 
 health, which rarely adds to the expressive 
 grace of female loveliness ; and now borrowed 
 
AVOWAL. 309 
 
 from indisposition a soft languor, and touching 
 interest, which, whilst it admonished him of her 
 danger, kindled afresh within his bosom that 
 flame which only burned the more wildly from 
 fear of losing her ; and which he felt convinced, 
 even long protracted absence could not check, 
 much less extinguish. The partial exclusion of 
 the light, deepened the shades in her pale coun- 
 tenance, and increased the interesting expression 
 of each fine feature. — Even the negligent degagee 
 of her attire, every fold of which, disdaining the 
 harsh square outline of art, fell conformably 
 with nature's soft sinuosities, accidentally dis- 
 played to the utmost advantage all the bewitch- 
 ing charms of her recumbent figure. Her voice, 
 always melodious, was now depressed to a 
 whispered sweetness ; and there was, in her 
 manner, an air of grateful tenderness, arising 
 possibly from the recollection of his intrepidity 
 in snatching her from death ; which as he had 
 never before witnessed, increased his tumultuous 
 
310 AVOWAL. 
 
 agitation ; and encouraged his fondest antici- 
 pations. His pulse beat high, and the blood, 
 mounting, suffused his manly brow, and dimmed 
 his vision. He felt his utterance had fled at 
 that very moment, when he would fain have 
 described, in language, equally glowing as his 
 feelings, the ardour of his passion. — They were 
 alone ; and though but for a moment he felt 
 the opportunity was too precious to let slip. In 
 vain he essayed to speak ; yet though mute, 
 nature bereft him not of arguments often irre- 
 sistible with the softer sex. He had sunk on 
 his knee by her couch, and wllilst his eager eyes 
 perused with intense delight the lineaments of 
 her divine face, and betrayed, through the 
 portals of the soul, the wild excitement of his 
 agitated feelings, he grasped her delicate and 
 unresisting hand (for fear had rendered her 
 powerless), which he pressed alternately to his 
 heart, and to his burning hps. The spell, 
 which had hitherto bound him in silence, was 
 broken by the violence of his emotions. 
 
AVOWAL. 311 
 
 " Ah, Emily ! — dearest and loveliest of 
 women ! what a glimpse of happiness has the 
 last few days opened to my view ! — The pros- 
 pect is abruptly closing, and it appears that I 
 have discovered a treasure merely to lose it. — 
 Might I, in taking this hurried leave of you, be 
 permitted to hope, that whilst borne by duty 
 and ambition far from my heart's home, I might 
 still live in your recollection, how great would 
 be my consolation ! To-morrow's dawn separates 
 us for a period ; which even in prospect appears 
 to me an age. Nothing can render the interim 
 supportable, except the anticipation that on my 
 return I shall find you, though restored in 
 health, still unchanged in mind. Such an ab- 
 sence it would be impossible to endure, unless 
 encouraged to hope, that, in returning, this in- 
 timacy may be renewed, which I feel but too 
 sensibly, can alone give zest or value to life." 
 
 At this critical minute, that eloquence, which 
 now found its way like a torrent, was suddenly 
 checked by the occurrence of one of those 
 
312 AVOWAL. 
 
 Strange contretemps, which so often cross per- 
 sons similarly circumstanced with the lieutenant. 
 — For, without the slightest note of preparation, 
 or warning, — in bolted the stiff, quaint, figure of 
 old Tiller, before the delicate and feeble girl 
 had time to disengage her hand from his grasp ; 
 or he himself could spring from his embarrass- 
 ing situation. 
 
 " I axes your pardon. Miss Emily," said the 
 old fellow, in a hurried manner, which made it 
 doubtful, whether it were the result of embar- 
 rassment in consequence of his intrusion, or the 
 effect of surprise at the discovery thus singularly 
 made, by one, perhaps, less qualified to fathom 
 a secret, or develop a mystery, than any being 
 in the house, (his master always excepted, who 
 openly made it his boast, that he " knew nothing 
 about either women or their ways) ; — '•' I axes 
 your pardon. Miss," said Tiller, " but I only 
 comed the rounds as usual, to pick up the 
 shakings,''^ —-axidi so saying, he proceeded very 
 deliberately, as was the custom in the navy at 
 
AVOWAL. B13 
 
 his day, to affect to collect whatever lay on the 
 carpet ; whether thread ends, or fragments of 
 paper, and deposit them in the 'oakum bag,' 
 (as he termed it) set apart for their reception : 
 which important duty being performed, he 
 retired with the same provoking composure, and 
 again left them to themselves. 
 
 Burton had ere this regained his seat, and so 
 much presence of mind as to induce him to rise 
 and close the door ; which Tiller had designedly, 
 (it would seem,) omitted to shut. With equal 
 earnestness, but with greater caution of manner, 
 he recommenced his suit. — He rapidly stated his 
 expectations, and with marked modesty alluded 
 to his services, with the prospects he had of pro- 
 fessional advancement; which he trusted would 
 remove any objection her mother and uncle 
 might feel to their union. — Here Emily seemed 
 to smile faintly ; and he resumed by intimating 
 that he had reason to imagine himself favoured 
 by a friendly preference on the part of her uncle, 
 who, he presumed, could entertain no ohjec- 
 
 VOL. I. P 
 
314 AVOWAL. 
 
 tions, except as to the disparity of their fortunes. 
 Here he was about to enter into the possible 
 reasons which might influence her mother ; when 
 Emily arrested the progress of the argument by 
 assuring him, " that on her mother's acquiescence, 
 he would be wise not to reckon ;" although she 
 admitted, with a blush of grateful acknowledg- 
 ment, " that he might have expected he had esta- 
 blished some claims on Mrs. Crank's regard; 
 for had he not, under Providence, been the means 
 of pi'eserving a life, to her certainly dear, she 
 must have ceased to be a mother, and been for 
 ever precluded from the hope of being called on 
 to sanction the disposal of a daughter's hand. — 
 She confessed that, to herself, his acquaintance 
 had been both agreeable and profitable f and 
 concluded, just in time to prevent the re-open- 
 ing of the door cutting short the avowal, by 
 " assuring him that she should be always happy 
 to hear of his welfare." 
 
 The gentleman took this as the lady really 
 meant it— that he would be at liberty in future 
 
AVOWAL. 315 
 
 to correspond ; and might possibly have testified 
 his satisfaction by some overt-act of delight or 
 delirium, had not the lady just mentioned un- 
 expectedly stalked, like the imwelcome ghost of 
 Banquo, into the apartment. 
 
 END OF VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 SHACKELL AND BAYLIS, JOHNSON'S-COURT, FLELT-STRK KT. 
 
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