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THE HIGHLANDER. 
 
 A NOVEL. 
 
 IN FOUR VOLUMES, 
 
 By' ROBERT BISSET, L. L. D. 
 
 AUTHOR OF THE LIFE OF BURK.E, &C. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 Detrahere et pellem, nitidus qua quisque per ora, 
 Cederet, intr&rsum turpis. HoR. 
 
 Sunt hie etiam sua praemia laudi. ViRG 
 
 LONDON: 
 PRINTED AT THE ANTI -JACOBIN PRESS, 
 By T. Crowdcr, Temple. Lane, Whitefriars j 
 AND SOLD BY 
 C, CH^PPLE, PALL MALL; T. HURST, PATER- 
 NOSTER row; and J. AND £. KERBT, 
 BOND STREET. 
 
 1800. 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 
 in 2010 with funding from 
 
 University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/douglasorhighlan01biss 
 
e>3i\5ci 
 
 DEDICATION. 
 
 TO 
 
 THE MOST NOBLE 
 {GEORGE, MJRQUIS of HUNTLEY. 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 Known goodness multiplies 
 applications for favor. Your Lordship's 
 general benevolence inspires nie with 
 hope, and your particular kindness to 
 your own countrymen, emboldens me to 
 confidence, in soliciting the honor of 
 your patronage. 
 
 Born myself in the Highlands of Scot- 
 land ; I have written a Novel, in which 
 ^1 attempt to pourtray the sentiments, 
 .^ manners, and chara6ler of a Highland 
 |.gentleman ; and endeavour to shew, that 
 -o'the sense of hereditary dignity, to be found 
 ts in Highlanders of family, is a powerful 
 ^ incentive to meritorious exertions. 
 
 VOL. I. A Were 
 
VI DEDICATION. 
 
 Wer€ it to be asked, to vvliom may a 
 Highlander apply for protection with the 
 greatest assurance of success ? The an- 
 swer would be prompt and general, to 
 the Marquis of Huntley. To him 
 have many Highlanders applied, and have 
 been received with the most generous be- 
 nignity. May THIS Highlander be equally 
 fortunate. 
 
 Dedications are generally filled with 
 praise, a tribute not most highly valued, 
 V^here nnost completely deserved, and tiiat 
 therefore, for the present, muil be for- 
 borne. Besides, were commendation to 
 he my sul^^edi, what could I fay that 
 would be nev/ to any one who ever heard 
 of your Lordship's chara(^er ? Pleasing, 
 iiowevcr, as I confess the theme, though 
 one of the most frequent subjects of dis- 
 course, might be to others, it would be 
 ampleasing to the obje6l of my address. 
 
 Instead of so trespassing upon your 
 Lordship, permit me to say a few words 
 ^i the Work^ w^hich I dedicate. 
 
 My 
 
DEDICATION. Vil 
 
 My purpose is, to describe existing man- 
 ners, both in the Northern and Southern 
 parts of the kingdom. Descriptions ot 
 this sort, as your Lordship well knows, 
 must, if true, involve a small portion of 
 satire. A little of this quality I have not 
 been able to avoid, but its objedls are ge- 
 neral, and not individual character, and 
 even in those exhibitions I have endea- 
 voured to be as gentle as possible. 
 
 From the Dedication of this performance 
 to your Lordship, it willbe immediately feen, 
 that the Author mud think its tendency 
 favourable to honor, loyalty, and patriot- 
 ism ; and indeed its very title, if that can 
 be any indication of its fcope, will shew, 
 that either its hero is endued with these 
 qualities, or that he is no copy of the class 
 of gentlemen, whom he is supposed to 
 represent. 
 
 Accustomed to a different species of 
 literary exertion, I am doubtful whether 
 the success of the present Work may an- 
 swer the expedations that other produc- 
 A 2 lions 
 
»Vm DEDICATION. 
 
 tions might lead me to form ; but wha^ 
 ever may be its general reception, thi 
 opinion of your Lordship will be one oi 
 the chief tests of its merits or demerits. 
 
 Permit me, my Lord, to express the 
 joy with which I heard that an indisposi- 
 tion, so gloriously incurred, was giving 
 way to medical skill, and the vigour of 
 your constitution. That, amidst the dan- 
 gers of your profession, your Lordship 
 may be long preserved, and rise to its 
 highest rank, for the advantage and ho- 
 nor of your country, your illustrious 
 family, and yourself, is the sincere and 
 earnest wish of. 
 
 My Lord, 
 With the highest esteem. 
 And the most profound respc6l. 
 Your Lordship's most obedient, 
 and very humble Servant, 
 ROBERT BISSET. 
 
 Si.OAKE Terrace, 
 Feb. I, iSoo. 
 
P R E F A C E. 
 
 -*©<; 
 
 I 
 
 N the early ages of Romance^ the fa- 
 vourite subjects were fancied adventures, 
 which never were, nor could be performedl 
 The imagination was suffered to roam at 
 large, without being confined to the 
 bounds of probabilit}*. The system of 
 chivalry, resulting from the combined mi- 
 litary and religious spirit of the feudal 
 institutions and manners, was the basis of 
 romances. The authors, however, did 
 not describe a6lual chivalry, but framed 
 for themselves chimerical' exploits, which 
 no man ever did, or could atchicvc. This 
 species of writing required no force of 
 genius, no reach of knowledge ; all that 
 A 3 wai 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 was necessary for an author, was to sit 
 down^ and give full scope to his fancy, 
 without any restraint from judgment or 
 experience. When single knights en- 
 countered legions of giants, made their 
 way through opposing armies, conquered 
 cities, overthrew usurpers, and established 
 empires, the whole secret of the author's 
 invention, consisted in deviation from 
 nature and truth. The redoubtable cham- 
 pions were allowed a species of artillery, 
 that not ill corresponded v/ith their mar- 
 vellous charader. They had enchantment, 
 which could subdue a casde in a much 
 shorter time than Condc or Marlborough, 
 assisted by all the Vaubans or Cohorns that 
 ever existed. Their cavalry were as extra- 
 ordinary as their ordnance. Their winged 
 steeds and their dragons were infinitely 
 more fleet, than the best horses of either 
 ancient Numidia, or m.odern Yorkshire. 
 For navigation, they were plentifully fur- 
 nished with enchanted barks; in swiftness, 
 far exceeding the best frigate that ever 
 
 anchored 
 
PREFACE, X2 
 
 anchored at Spithead; andy in strength j 
 superior to the most powerful British fleet, 
 that ever sailed under a Drake or a Russel, 
 a Duncan or a Nelson. Great and mani- 
 fold were the services which were rendered 
 to favourite knights, by those faithful and 
 efficacious ministers, the necromancers ; 
 these sometimes acted as quarter-masters^ 
 raising stately palaces for the accommo- 
 dation of their champions ; sometimes^ as 
 sutlers^ they took special care of the mess ; 
 now, putting themselves upon the staff, 
 they became surgeons-genera}^ with the 
 privilege of healing every kind of wound; 
 then they turned physicians, and were 
 equally successful in curing diseases. 
 
 Every one must see, that to prodiice 
 suchi personages and compositions, re- 
 quired a very small degree of intellect unl 
 capacity. Extravagant as such fiction.^ 
 are, and disgusting to real judgment and 
 discernment, from the gross ignorance of 
 those ages this kind of romance, for five 
 centuries, fescinated all Europe. The in- 
 A 4 genious 
 
Xll JPREPACE. 
 
 genious and powerful satire of Cervantes, 
 exposed such tales in their truecoIours,and 
 tended greatly to remove the vitiated taste 
 that then prevailed. The disuse of chi- 
 valry, the disbelief of magic and enchant- 
 ments, the increase of knowledge, and 
 the change of manners, facilitated the 
 operation of Cervantes's inimitable pro^ 
 du6lion. That great writer not onl}^ 
 shewed the absurdity of the old species of 
 jfidlitious history, but laid the foundation 
 of a new. In Don Quixote we find na- 
 ture, life, and existing manners ; we see 
 real human beings imitated, an intelleclual 
 exertion, which pre-supposed knowledge of 
 orio-inals, and discernment of their various 
 relations, duties, and charadlers. 
 
 The plan of Cervantes was not, how- 
 ever, immediately adopted ; there was still 
 a hankering after the extravagancies of 
 the chivalrous ages. The machinery of 
 dragons and necromancers was disused, 
 but the personages, both male and female,, 
 
 were 
 
PliEFACE, Xin 
 
 were far removed beyond the imperfedtions 
 of human beings. 
 
 The growing refinement and discrimi- 
 nation of the seventeeth century^ stopped 
 the currency of those writings. Pi^lures 
 of human chara61cr and condudl began to 
 be attempted. Ere long a genius arose, 
 which shewed itself admirably fitted for car- 
 rying this sort of fi6litious history to high 
 perfection. In all his representations of 
 human nature, in every state, profession, 
 charadler, and condition, Le Sage in his 
 Gil Bias displays a thorough acquaintance 
 with mankind, with general passions and 
 sentiments, as well as with the manners 
 and customs of nations, and classes of 
 individuals. Keen, but delicate humour, 
 pervades the whole ; the situations are 
 extremely diversified, all natural and pro- 
 bable, and their efFe6l on the different 
 a6^ors, such as they would have caused in 
 real society. Wherever the history pre- 
 cedes or accompanies the a6lual charac- 
 ters, we perceive a very accurate and pro- 
 A 5 found 
 
XI7 rPvEFACE, 
 
 found knowledge of moral causes and 
 their consequences. The progress of Gil 
 Bias's own chara6ler, is strongly and nicely 
 delineated ; from his Interview with the 
 Parasite^ at Penaflor^ to his final establish- 
 ment at Lirias, we have every where be- 
 fore us MAN AS HE IS, To COmpOSC 
 
 such a work as Gil Bias, required a vigo- 
 rous and fertile invention^ accurate and 
 extensive knowledge^ acute discrimination, 
 and happy talents for description and ex- 
 hibition. The obje<Sls of imitation being 
 within the circle of moft men's knowledge, 
 it was easy to dete6l the slightest depar- 
 ture from exa6tncss of resemblance ; and 
 therefore extremely difficult to err without 
 blame. 
 
 Marivaux, following the same genera] 
 plan as Le Sage, manifests admirable ta- 
 lents. He both anatomizes the affedlions, 
 and displays their adlive force. He sepa- 
 rates appearances from realities, presents 
 charafier in its similarity and diversity of 
 eonstituerfts and movements. Less ex- 
 panded 
 
PHEPACE. XV 
 
 panded than Le Sage In his survey of 
 manners, Marivaux dives more deeply 
 into sentiments. A leading distlndlion,. 
 indeed, between the authors of Gil Bias 
 and of Mariamne is, that the former pecu- 
 Rarly excels in. exhibiting chara6lcr, the 
 latter in developing affection. They agree 
 in their plan of narrative ; each begins 
 with the birth and parentage of the prin- 
 cipal person,, conducls the hero or heroine 
 through a great part of life, and both 
 may be called writers of fictitious 
 
 BIOGRAPHY. 
 
 Novels, imitating real life, attamed little 
 perfection in England,, till the reign of 
 George II. when Smollet, Richardson, and, 
 above all. Fielding, rendered this country 
 as much distinguished for excellence, in 
 that species of literature, as it had bjeeu. 
 before in the higher kinds. 
 
 Smollet is peculiarly fortunate in his 
 portraits of characters, formed by profes- 
 sional and local circumstances; sometimes 
 auending more to singularities and cccen- 
 A 6 tricities^ 
 
XVI PREFACE, 
 
 tricities, than to the principal and impor- 
 tant qualities; and a caricaturist, rather 
 than apainter of aclual originals; but, on 
 the whole, displaying a considerable 
 knowledge of mankind, broad humour, 
 and satire of more force than delicacy. 
 
 The novels of Richardson, though they 
 profess to represent real life, too fre- 
 quently exhibit charadlers much more 
 perfe6l than any to be found. Such re- 
 presv^ntntions are fancy pictures^ not 
 
 SXACT RESEMBLANCES TO HUMAN NA- 
 TURE. His heroes and heroines arc rather 
 groups of moral virtues .personified, than 
 characters, with that mixture of good and 
 evil that is to be met in society. Senti- 
 ment is more the objc6l of Richardson 
 than manners. He has deeply explored 
 the -affect ion S;. ami his moral inculcations 
 are unexceptionable and excellent. Vice, 
 narrow and short-sighted in her policy, 
 sacrifices greater to lesser good ; — 
 virtue, enlightened by real wisdom, and 
 taking a comprehensive view of the various 
 
 constituents 
 
PREFACE. XVU 
 
 constituents of happiness, foregoes tem- 
 porary and trivial pleasures, for lasting and 
 important enjoyment. 
 
 But the highest perfection ever attained 
 by a Briton, in this kind of writing, belongs 
 to the author of Tom Jones. In describing 
 man as he is, human nature, either in 
 general, or modified by particufar situa- 
 tion, opinions, habits, and pursuits ; in 
 exhibiting character, either in detailed 
 operation, or by a few strokes; in pre- 
 serving consistency ; in making language, 
 sentiments, and actions, appropriate to the 
 different personages; in shewing the ope- 
 ration of affe6tions, either habitual or 
 accidental, the rise and progress of pas- 
 sion ; in variety of incident, all subservient 
 to the main design ; in natural and pa- 
 thetic situation ; in humour, either dilated 
 or compressed ; m wit, strong and bril- 
 liant ; in fntercsting the reader, no 
 writer of our country ever equalled Field- 
 
 
 There 
 
XVIU' PREFACE. 
 
 There is, we may observe, a great and?. 
 material difference, between the plan of 
 Tom Jones and Gil Bias. Gil Bias, in- 
 imitating life, follows the mode of bio- 
 graphy, carrying his hero from childhood 
 to old age ; Tom Jones imitates epic 
 poetry, taking one great a61:ion as the sub- 
 je6l of his work. " Fielding," says the Ju- 
 dicious editor of his works, ^^ considered 
 the rules of composition, as delivered by 
 the great philosophic critic ; and finding 
 that Homer had written a work, in titled 
 Margites, which bore the same relation ta 
 comedy, that the Iliad or Odyssey docs 
 to tragedy, he meditated a plan conform- 
 able to the principles of a well-arranged 
 fable.** Gil Bias and Tom Jones may be 
 considered as models of novels imitating 
 real life, under different forms ; the one 
 in the shape of biography, the other of 
 epic poetry. Gil Bias, not seeking a plot, 
 has no occasion for unity of a6lion or other 
 constituents of a w^ell invented epic poem ; 
 but though his plan did not require unity 
 
 of 
 
PREFACE. X13C 
 
 of aft? on, bis story has every mark of 
 probability. An imitator, either of bio- 
 graphy or of epic poetry^ to attain excel- 
 lence in this kind of writing, must be 
 probable. The story of Achilles' anger, 
 and of Alexander the Great's conqiiest of 
 Persia, are both credible ^ but an imitator 
 of Homer must have unity of a(9aon ; an 
 imitator of Plutarch must take a61ions 
 uniform or diversified as he finds them* 
 A story may also he interesting without 
 regularity of plot and unity of action, as 
 well as with it. We enter into the feelings 
 of Gil Bias, as much as of Tom Jones. 
 Imitation of biography, not requiring 
 unity of a6lion, is easier than imitations 
 of epic poetry ; in both kinds the highest 
 excellence has been attained by Le Sage 
 and Fielding. 
 
 Since the publication of Tom Jones, 
 novels, in this country, have been most 
 frequently works of plot, like the pro- 
 dudions of Fielding, as well as of character 
 and manners, like the writings of both 
 
 Fielding 
 
XX PREFACE. 
 
 Fielding and Le Sage. Miss Burney*s 
 performances are of the epic kind, as are 
 also those of Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Rad- 
 clifFe. Imitation of Tom Jones, however, 
 i.s nyorc difficult than of Gil Bhs ; and 
 more of our ingenious novelists have suc- 
 ceeded in display of character, than in 
 Gjnstru(ftion of plot. 
 
 I should therefore think it more pru- 
 dent to imitate the plan of Gil Bias than 
 of Tom Jones. In the present work I 
 have presumed to aim at Jictiticus bio- 
 graphij, without aspiring to the epic 
 PLAN of Fielding. My ohje^l is, to de- 
 scribe HinVIAN NATURE and EXISTING 
 
 MANNERS in probable circumstances and 
 situations. 
 
 It may be said, such novels are now 
 out of fashion ; many readers of our days, 
 are much more delighted- with stories 
 about raw heads and bloody bones, than 
 with either Old Delville or 'Squire Wes- 
 tern ; and prefer an apparition behind the 
 wainscot, to the Archbishop of Granada^s 
 
 homilies. 
 
"homilies. I confess I have read with great 
 pleasure, the works of one lady, who has 
 been the means of reviving the ghost- 
 system, by those who did not comprehend 
 the object of her works. Mrs, Eadcliffe 
 has not introduced ghosts, but the effects 
 of the belief of ghosts on the human 
 imagination. She has shewn herself 
 thoroughly acquainted with the workings 
 of the passions, and peculiarly skilled in 
 communicating terriiic impressions from 
 imaginary causes ; but I must confess I 
 am still more pleased with her power of 
 exhibiting the workings of the under- 
 standing and heart, in natural and probable 
 situations. 
 
 Mariy of the very numerous herd of 
 romance writers, altogether unequal to 
 the task of imitating Mrs. RadclifFe, have 
 brought forward not merely an appre- 
 hension of ghosts, but the real appearance 
 of these disagreeable inmates of a house. 
 The genius of a Radcliffe excites awe and 
 horror, nor are the impotent efforts of 
 
 many 
 
Xxii JREPACE. 
 
 many of her imitators less successful in 
 exciting laughter. 
 
 I can promife my readers no ghofts, for 
 I know nothing about them myself: I can 
 promife them fiefh and blood, for that is 
 a subjeil of which I do know something*. 
 But, the reader may say, if you have never 
 seen ghosts, you have certainly heard of. 
 them ! That I cannot deny. Many a^ 
 tremendous story of the kind have I heard 
 in my native Highlands of Scotland, where, 
 according to the report of my venerable 
 nurse, and many other old ladies of all 
 ages and sexes, there is hardly a rivulet, 
 a deti, or a hill, which is not haunted. 
 The ghosts there, indeed are much less 
 luxurious in the article of habitation than- 
 in more fouthern regions. They seek not 
 castles, but carry on their operations ia 
 the open air. In dress too, they are much 
 less fond of finery. In the south, nothing 
 will serve the spedres but cambric, and; 
 muslin, and silk, and sattin ; whereas,, 
 their brethren and sisters in. the north are 
 
 perfcdly 
 
PREFACE. XXlll 
 
 perfe^lly satisfied with serge. Candour 
 obliges me to acknowledge, that if less 
 efteminate, our Caledonian ghosts are also 
 less accomplished. The apparitions of the 
 south can perform on the flute, the piano- 
 forte, and the organ. Those of the north 
 carry their musical execution no farther 
 than the whistle, the jews-harp, or the 
 bagpipe. 
 
 Having never fallen in w^ith any of the 
 hobgoblin kind, and not having the fa* 
 culty of seeing by hearsay those Didci^ 
 neas of modern novels, I cannot pretend 
 to describe them with the accuracy which 
 the illuftrious Sancho Panza bestov;s on 
 the unseen mistress of the Knight of the 
 Woeful Figure. Being unable to draw 
 them exadlly, I think it is best to let them 
 alone altogether. 
 
 I confine myself to human nature, as 
 it is to be found in these countries. I 
 have not even a friar or a nun in my book; 
 having hardly ever seen any of the former 
 profession, and never in my life met with 
 
 any 
 
XXlV PREFACE. 
 
 any of the latter. Convents, and Corri- 
 dores, and Priories, and Abbies, I have 
 not attempted to pourtray ; nor matins, nor 
 vespers, nor confessionals, nor refeftories ; 
 because I am totally unacquainted with 
 such subjedls. — ^Tbe objc6l of my attempt 
 is British Society ; to draw the intel- 
 lc6lual and moral virtues, by the operation 
 of which it is upheld, and to mark the 
 follies and vices by which it is disturbed, 
 I chiefly dwell on domestic and civil life ; 
 and, touching occasionally upon pohtical, 
 endeavour to shew that the same just 
 thoughts, sound principles, and useful 
 habits, which lead to the fteady pursuit 
 and attainment of private good^ most ef- 
 fe6lually promote the public welfare. 
 
 Having professed to attack vice and fol- 
 ly, I here declare that it is vice and 
 FOLLY IN general i and not the vice 
 and foil]/ of any individual person^ which 
 I have in view. I have endeavoured to 
 draw genius, wifdom, and benevolence, 
 TV'ithout intending a compliment to any 
 
 individual ;. 
 
PREFACE. XTiV 
 
 individual ; to represent on the one hand, 
 great talents proceeding in a right course; 
 on the other, great talents proceeding in 
 a wrong ; great virtues habitually exerting 
 themfeh^es, with occafional deviations — 
 the exertions producing comfort and hap- 
 piness, chequered by inconvenience and 
 dillress from the errors. I have endea- 
 voured to describe diffipation andprofliga- 
 .cy, as not only depraving the will, but 
 perverting the underftanding ; and a man 
 of genius, while under the influence of 
 such habits, as erroneous in his judgments, 
 and sophiftical in his reasonings, as well 
 as corrupt in his conduct. 
 
 I have undertaken to exhibit men of no 
 abilities or learning, pretending to these 
 qualities, and (in situations where they 
 are necessary) imposing on the public. 
 To an exposure of such unfounded pre- 
 tences, none can object but conscious im- 
 postors. Mere imbecility I have never 
 once attacked ; while fttipidity is harm- 
 less, it would be cruel to disturb its felf- 
 
 fatisfaclion ; 
 
XXVI PREFACE, 
 
 fatisfaclion ; but empty vanity, rifing into 
 arrogance, frivolity, endeavouring to af- 
 fume the garb of importance, a Shoe- 
 maker getting beyond his lasty appeared 
 to me fair subjects of animadverfion. 
 
 I entertain a favourable opinion of 
 the ability and learning of not a few, 
 who undertake the tuition of youth ; 
 but they muft entertain a very partial and 
 erroneous opinion of that profeflion, who 
 conceive that the majority of its members 
 are either men of abihty or learning. I 
 represent that clafs of men as I found 
 them, as containing men of talents and 
 erudition on the one hand, weak and ig- 
 norant men on the other, and many in the 
 intermediate gradations. Female educa- 
 tion appeared to me also not undcferving 
 of fome gentle ftri(5lures ; no individual 
 is meant, nor can my animadversions ap- 
 ply to any teachers who do their duty. On 
 the great propensity of fchoolmaflers to 
 eloquence I have hardly touched ; as in- 
 deed it is not peculiar to them, but alfo 
 
 to 
 
PREFACE. XXVU 
 
 to be found in \^efi:ry-meetings^ ale-house 
 clubs, and debating societies. 
 
 I have taken occalion to expound seve- 
 ral pradices not altogether favourable to 
 good neighbourhood. Among others, that 
 species of proceedure, well known by the 
 name of gossipping ; comprehending those 
 idle, tattling tale-bearers, who from weak- 
 ncfs,, emptiness, and malignity, take upon 
 themselves the unasked direction of other 
 people's affairs, are eternally prying and 
 mifrepresenting the result of their con- 
 tcmptable inquiries, 
 
 I have taken some pains to estimate 
 the merit of thofe faffiionable gaming- 
 houses, the proprietors of which are ex- 
 tremely anxious to relieve their vifitors 
 from the care of their pecuniary affairs. I 
 allow to the virtuous principles and righte- 
 ous conducSl of the partners in the firms 
 the praise I think due to that kind of traf- 
 fic. I also slightly hint at other conse- 
 quences to morality, from the precepts, 
 examples, and situations, of those places 
 
 of 
 
XXVUl PREFACE, 
 
 of genteel resort, and I say a few words 
 on the advantages to young men from the 
 company of THOSE 7vho will most readily 
 introduce them to such scenes. 
 
 In these, and every other character, I 
 have studied to be general ; to expose fol- 
 ly, vanity, frivolity, and vice.; and to do 
 justice to wisdom and virtue. 
 
 The present Work being my first at- 
 tempt in this species. of literature, will, I 
 doubt not, be liable to objections, which 
 experience might have prevented. If, 
 however, it be received by the Public with 
 the same Hberal indulgence which has 
 been shewn to rny former produdions, it 
 will fulfil my moft ardent expeclations. 
 
 DOUGLAS; 
 
( i" ) 
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 O F 
 
 VOLUME L 
 
 CHAP. L 
 
 FACE 
 
 Family and Parentage of our Hero. . • i 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 A Description of Miss Eleanora Douglas.— 
 Cause of her Hatred to her Brother's deftined 
 Wife. — The Marriage of the Major and 
 Emily. . . .... 27 
 
 CHAP. iir. 
 
 Birth of our Hero. — The Departure of the 
 Major and his Lady to the Weft Indies. — 
 Transadions at Tay Bank in their Absence. 41 
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 
 Keturn of Colonel Douglas and his Lady.— 
 The Death of the old Gentleman.— Our 
 
 Hero sent to School 60 
 
 CHAP, 
 
IV C O K T E N T S. 
 
 PACE 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 Our Hero seat to the High School of Edin- 
 burgh. — Description of that Seminary, — 
 Ouf Hero's Progress.— -Dispute with Maftef 
 Theodore Dip. — Public Examination. , 93 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 The Colonel and his Lady Visit Tay Bank.— 
 Affairs there. — A Misfortune befalls Mr, 
 Strongbrain. — An Examination, by a Pres- 
 bytery, for Incontinence. — Description of 
 Charles Rhodomontade, Esq. of Rojue 
 Place. — Some Words concerning Fiftion. 115 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 Our Hero sent to St. Andrew's College. — 
 Studies and Pursuits there. — Removed to 
 Edinburgh. — Excellence of that Stminary 
 fhewn in its Objeds, Conftitution, Plans, 
 andEfFeds. 170 
 
 CHAP. VIII. 
 Our Hero sent to England. — Journey and Fel- 
 low-travellers. — Hisftory and Charailer of 
 Miss Bouncer, Governess of a Boarding- 
 school — Her Learning — Her Description of 
 Hannibal, the Romaji General — Her Confer- 
 ence with our Hero, on Love, Honour, and 
 
 Secrecy — 
 
CONTENTS. V 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Secrecy— the Coach takes up a young Man, 
 who says he is a Recruiting Officer — found 
 to be an Officer in the Excise— Com'iDg near 
 London, Miss takes a Post-Chaise for herself, 
 her Mother, and her Acquaintance— Our 
 Hero arrives in London. . • . 2i8 
 
 CHAP. IX. 
 Our Hero arrives at Do£lor Vampus*s— A short 
 History of the Doftor— His wonderful Learn- 
 ing, and wonderful Virtue — Intimate Friend- 
 ship between the Doctor and Miss Bouncer 
 — ^ridl Friendship between Governors and 
 Governesses of Boarding Schools conducive 
 to the Propagation of Learning. . • 240 
 
 CHAP. X. 
 
 Our Hero receives Letters from his Father — 
 Account of the Proceedings of the Rhodo- 
 montades and their virtuous Daughter, with 
 the infatuation of the Laird — Douglas intro- 
 duced to his Aunt, Mrs. Lighrhorse — De- 
 scription of that Lady and her ^lusband, the 
 Colonel — Dinner Parry at tieir Hous.- — Con- 
 versation between D. . Strongbrain th^. late 
 Aughterarder Minister. Dr. GraJus, of Ox- 
 ford, and some others — Mrs Lighthorse*s 
 History of the Boarding-School Teacher of 
 
 Kensington, 
 
VI CONTENTS. 
 
 PACI 
 
 Kensington, and her Lover— the Miscarriage 
 of a Love-letter put into a Prayer-book at 
 Church — Party to Ranelagh, with an Ac- 
 count of the Company. . « « 288 
 
 DOUGLAS i 
 
DOUGLAS; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE HIGHLANDER. 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 Family and Parentage of our Hero» 
 
 JLN a pleasant valley in Perthshire, bound- 
 ed by the Grampian mountains, and di- 
 vided by the beautiful and majestic river 
 Tay, lived a gentleman of the name of 
 Douglas. Originally a younger son, he, ac- 
 cording to the feudal spirit, long prevalent 
 in the Higlilands of Scotland, received from 
 his father a very scanty portion. Pre- 
 cluded, by the prejudices of fam.ily pride, 
 from commercial enterprize, which has, 
 since that time, raised so many cadets of 
 ^'0L. I, B house.^ 
 
^^ DOUGLAS, OR, 
 
 houses to an affluence much superior to 
 that of the elder branches ; and debarred, 
 by narrow finances, from that education 
 which might have enabled him to rise in 
 literary professions ; without money, or in- 
 terest, to raise him in the army, he appeared 
 in the first years of his manhood destined 
 to the alternative of remaining at home 
 as an idle dependent, wasting, on a paltry 
 farm, talents which quafified him for a 
 much higher station. Endowed with sense, 
 with spirit, and with vigour of charadier, 
 Douglas " despised the shepherd's slothful 
 life." He entered himself as a volunteerj 
 in a corps destined for Flanders, in tjie 
 company of a young nobleman, heir of the 
 principal family in that part of the High- 
 lands. His figure, deportment, and con- 
 duct, confirmed, with his young comman- 
 der, that favourable opinion which know- 
 ledge of his race had led him, by anticipa- 
 tion, to form. The young Lord resolved 
 to exert his influence to procure the pro- 
 motion of Douglas j but the battle that 
 
 ^' first 
 
THE HIGHLANDER- 3 
 
 ^^ first fleshed his maiden sword,'* deprived 
 him of his patron. His own merit, how- 
 ever, soon advanced him to an Ensigncy. 
 In the course of promotion he arose to be a 
 Captain, and distinguished himself as much 
 as the command he held would admxit. 
 Having continued many years in the army, 
 loved and respedled by officers and men, he, 
 by the death of his brother, w^as called 
 home to his native country to take pos- 
 session of the estate of Tay Bank, which 
 had been many centuries in the family. 
 Britain being then engaged in no war, he 
 resolved to leave the army, and reside 
 at the mansion-house, a possession of the 
 Douglas's almost coeval with the land. 
 
 The time he had spent in the army had 
 improved the understanding of the proprie- 
 tor of Tay Bank; had liberalized his senti- 
 ments, and invigorated his charadler, and 
 thus rendered him a more agreeable and 
 re«r»eclab]e neighbour, master of a famih^, 
 and land-holder, than if, an elder brother, and 
 educated at home, he had been ti mere 
 B '.! count'/v- 
 
DOUGLAS; ORj 
 
 countr}^ Laird. The habits of oeconomy 
 which necessity had bestowed, were pecu- 
 liarly useful in the situation of his affairs. 
 The estate of Tay Bank was deeply in debt, 
 like most tenements of that country and 
 age, when either ignorance or prejudice 
 prevented advantageous enterprize, when 
 the chief distindion of the gentry arose 
 from feasting their tenants, and retainers 
 in the great hall. Douglas was tinc- 
 tured, to a considerable degree, with family 
 pride, a principle, of which the operation, 
 beneficial or hurtful, depends on the nature 
 and habits of the mind in which it exists ; 
 but a principle which, surely, no wdse 
 man w^ould wish to eradicate, where it 
 leads to good condud, although it might 
 easily be proved thr.t, abstractedly, it is 
 not consistent with reason. In the more 
 uninformed minds of his ancestors, family 
 pride, although it inspirited exertion, added 
 adventitious, to native, courage and honour, 
 yet had been a great means of extravagance 
 and consequent embarrassment.. In the 
 
 better 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 5 
 
 better tutored understanding of Douglas, It 
 was a powerful additional motive to oecono- 
 my, and that great virtue — self-denial, it 
 encourap;cd his resolution to forbear the he- 
 riditary gratifications of vanity and osten- 
 tation. He saw that, were he to persist in 
 the plan of his forefathers, he should soon 
 be compelled to relinquish their lands; and 
 should be able to represent them in the 
 seat in which they had lived, only by for- 
 bearing to imitate their Vvay of living. 
 This change he effected gradually; and, 
 through life, continued to exercise the riost 
 benevolent hospitality. This virtue, cer- 
 tain acquirements enabled him to practise 
 with much more facility than his pre- 
 decessors. When stationed in different 
 parts of the kingdom he liad paid great 
 attention to pasturage and agriculture, in 
 the various kinds of soil, manure, modes, 
 and processes of operation ; and had adually 
 obtained a very exadt and extensive know- 
 ledge of farming. Indeed it has been re- 
 marked by sensible and observing writers 
 B 3 that^ 
 
O ^ DOUGLAS, OR^ 
 
 that, in general, officers retired from the 
 army have been skilful and successful cul- 
 tivators of land. — Mr. Douglas turned to 
 the best account the demesne attached to 
 his house, gave such instrudlions to his 
 tenants, and raised among them such a spirit 
 of emulation, as greatly improved their con* 
 dition, and doubled the value of his estate;. 
 
 The produce of his own farms nearly de- 
 frayed the expence of his establishment, so 
 that the greater portion of the rents of what 
 was not mortgaged was appropriated to the 
 diminution of incumbrances. His galas 
 to his tenants, now rare, became more pleas- 
 ing to his rustic guests than when frequent. 
 The Highland peasants, sensible and intel- 
 ligent, soon discovered that the landlord, by 
 teaching them industry, and thus affording 
 them the means of independence, conferred 
 on them a much more important benefit 
 than he who feasted them with roasted 
 oxen. Douglas now finding himself, by his 
 oeconomy, prudence, self-command, and 
 .iudo;ement, so situated as to enable him to 
 
 marry, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 7 
 
 marry, paid his addresses to a young lady 
 of the neighbourhood, to whom he had long 
 been partial ; she, consenting to his propo- 
 sals, became the mistress of Tay Bank. By 
 Mrs. Douglas he had m.any children, of 
 whom two daughters and three sons came 
 to the years of maturity. 
 
 Eleanora, the eldest of the young ladies, 
 the favourite of her mother, w^as brought up 
 under her own eye, and the younger was 
 taken under the care of a rich aunt, her 
 god-m.other, who bestowed on her a good 
 education, and destined her her heir. James, 
 the eldest son, was a man of moderate in- 
 telle(fl, but of great honour and integrity; 
 knowledge being in the last age much less 
 advanced among the country gentlemen of 
 Scotland than at present, and James's mind 
 not being such as to make him an exception 
 to the general rule, his literary acquirements 
 were confined to reading, writing, and arith- 
 metic; he was principally distinguished for 
 the force with which he pitched the stone, 
 and the agility with wiiich he danced the 
 B 4 Scotch 
 
8 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 Scotch reel. He entered into the army, 
 not because he had any pecuHar predilec- 
 tion for that profession, but because his 
 father had been in it, and was known by all 
 his friends and neighbours to have derived 
 great advantage from his military employ- 
 ment. As the old gentleman was greatly 
 esteemed and respected, - James supposed 
 that when he should have passed some years 
 in the army, and return to settle in the 
 country, he would, in the general estima- 
 tion, be just such another as his father. 
 The worthy youth, however, over-looked 
 one difference ; the father was a man 
 of strong parts, which was far from being 
 the case with the son : but that idea never 
 entered the head of James himself. His 
 father, although he did not form very 
 high expectations of the promotion of his 
 eldest son to be a commander in chiefs yet 
 made no doubt that Jamxcs would conduct 
 himself with propriety in- the usual routine 
 of dutv, and knowing there could not be a 
 worse mode of life for an heir to an estate 
 
 than 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. y 
 
 than remaining at home among dependent 5^ 
 and tenants, consented. The only objec- 
 tion which he himself felt was the high 
 respect he entertained both for the army 
 and for his own family. Had his heir been 
 a man of talents, he would have rejoiced to 
 have sent him to a situation in which abi- 
 lity might have rendered imiportant services 
 to his country, exalted himself, and reflecfbed 
 a lustre on the family from which he was 
 sprung. Had Jam^es been an only son, the 
 partiality of paternal fondness might have 
 represented him as a man fitted to rival 
 John of Argyle; but, as there were two sons 
 besides, the young Laird suffered very 
 greatly by the comparison. 
 
 The second son, Alexander, a youth of 
 understanding and enterprize, went to. India 
 to push his fortune, and finding an advan- 
 tageous opportunity there, he settled. 
 
 The third son, Charles, v/as, in point of 
 
 corporeal and intellectual endowments, stiJi 
 
 more superior to the second than the second 
 
 was to the first, and was the favourite of his 
 
 B 5 fatlier. 
 
10 DOUGLAS j OR, 
 
 father. Really able, the amiable exaggera- 
 tion of parental partiality exhibited to his 
 father a prodigy of genius in his favourite 
 son. Wishing profit, as well as honour, to 
 accrue from his talents, he destined him for 
 the law, and fancied that in his Charles he 
 saw a future Murray. To prepare him for 
 that learned profession he sent him to study 
 philosophy in the University of St. Andrew's, 
 then in high repute, under the superin- 
 tendance of the learned and able principal 
 Tulideph. Having studied four years at 
 that University, with great diligence and 
 success, it was intended by his father to 
 send him the succeeding winter to Edin- 
 burgh, to commence his preparations for 
 taking the gown. This plan, however, v;as 
 not executed, 
 
 Charles had early conceived a predile6lion 
 for the arm.y. This was increased, and, 
 perhaps, first excited, by the conversation 
 of his father, who delighted in recounting 
 the battles and sieges in which he had been 
 engaged, and in praising those who had 
 
 signalized 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 11 
 
 signalized themselves. The applause which 
 Charles acquired by his literary attainments 
 for a time diverted his thoughts from a pro- 
 fession in which learning, though useful and 
 ornamental, is not absolutely necessary. 
 
 About this time war with France breaking 
 outj James Douglas, with his regiment, 
 came to Perth to recruit. Admiring the 
 sprightliness and spirit of Chai'Ies, he intro- 
 duced him to his friends of the corps. 
 Charles was naturally gay, of a graceful 
 figure, and well versed in manly and genteel 
 exercises^ he was, moreover, inclined to 
 pleasure, and, occasionally, gave loose to dis- 
 sipation. To such a youth the parties of 
 the officers v/ere highly agreeable ; he ad- 
 mired the accounts of the various militaiy 
 scenes which they had beheld ; was delight- 
 ed with the easy, frank, liberal manners 
 which they possessed, and captivated by the 
 pleasurable • life which they led. He ex- 
 pressed an eager desire for being one of 
 their number, a desire encouraged by them 
 all, but most strongly by his brother. James 
 B 6 was 
 
12 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 was proud of the idea of having sO> accom- 
 phshed a brother a member of that society 
 which he himself so highly prized. He 
 was under no jealous apprehension of being 
 himself eclipsed by Charles ; nor, indeed, 
 did he suppose that any ground existed for 
 such a jealousy, though very obvious to 
 every one else. Application was made to 
 his father for permission to solicit an En- 
 signcy in one of the additional companies 
 about to be raised. The old gentleman 
 remonstrated against the measure to which 
 lie himself had, unintentionally, contributed. 
 He represented to Charles, that the provi- 
 sion which he could make for his younger 
 children, according to the rules of that 
 countr}^ and, indeed, the entail of the estate, 
 was very inconsiderable; whereas such ta- 
 lents, exerted with vigour and assiduity in 
 the profession he wished him to embrace, 
 might soon render him, in point of fortune, 
 equal, if not superior, to his elder brother. 
 Finding, however, his son so bent on a mi- 
 litary life tliat he feared he would not ap- 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 13 
 
 ply, with a requisite diligence, to any other 
 pursuit, he, at length, consented. An En- 
 signcy was procured for him in the com- 
 pany of a gentleman from the parish ad- 
 joining to Tay Bank. — Charles, under his 
 friend. Captain Stewart, with their com- 
 pany, joined his regiment, appHed strenu- 
 ously to the duties of his profession, and 
 soon became a very able officer. Part of 
 the time which was not employed in regi- 
 mental business he devoted to the extension 
 of his hterary attainments. The chaplain of 
 the regiment, whose father had been clergy- 
 man of the parish in which Mr. Douglas's 
 estate was situated, and who v/as himself very 
 intimate with the family of Tay Bank, greatly 
 assisted the young Ensign in his studies. The 
 reverend gentleman possessed very great 
 natural abilities , and had, at an early age, 
 acquired an uncommon fund of elegant, 
 useful, and profound knowledge, as he has 
 since displayed in his Essay on Civil So- 
 ciety, his Moral and Political Philosophy, 
 and his History of the Roman Republic. 
 
 From 
 
14 Douglas; or. 
 
 From Mr. Ferguson, Charles derived great 
 advantage ; hours were employed with him 
 which misrht otherwise have been wasted 
 in idleness, or mis-spent in debauchery. The 
 conversation of this able and learned man 
 contributed even to Charleses knowledge as 
 an officer ; as a mind that combines general 
 principle with detail will render its posses- 
 sor superior in the condudl of affairs to a 
 mere practitioner. ---Charles the following 
 year accompanied the regiment to America,, 
 distinguished himself at the capture of 
 Louisbourgh, and still more at Ticonderaga, 
 where he was slightly wounded as he was sup- 
 porting the brave Captain John Campbell, 
 who received a mortal shot, and soon after ex- 
 pired in the arms of Douglas. At Quebec he 
 so signalized himself that he was promoted 
 to a lieutenancy ; at the Havannah he was 
 made captain of a company. In parties of 
 regimental conviviality he was of great use 
 to his brother, by giving the best possible 
 turn .to remarks and observations of that 
 good gentleman, which were of themselves 
 
 very. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. iD 
 
 very weak and frivolous. Soon after the 
 peace he returned to Britain. James, selling 
 out, retired to Tay Bank, there determined 
 to spend the rest of his days in rural pur- 
 suits. Charles returned to Scotland, and 
 was received with great joy by ail his friends, 
 particularly by his father^ who had been de- 
 lighted v;ith the accounts he heard, from 
 time to time, of his son's merit ; and, 
 whereas he had formerly fancied in him a 
 future Mansfield, now figured him as a 
 future Marlborough. — Joining his regiment 
 in Ireland, he was, about two years after- 
 wards, promoted to the rank of Major in 
 another corps, through the interest of Lord 
 Townsend, who entertained a very high 
 opinion of the military chara6Ver of Douglas 
 ever since he first knew him at the sieee of 
 Quebec. The regiment in Vv-hich he ob- 
 tained his promotion being in Scotland, 
 he returned to the land of his nativity, and 
 was once more embraced in the aged arms 
 of his venerable father. 
 
 In 
 
16 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 In the parish adjoining that in which 
 Tay Bank was situated, a gentleman, named 
 Mr. Longhead, was the clergyman. Mr. 
 Longhead was a man of sound and vigorous 
 talents, and considerable learning -, he had 
 been of great use to Douglas during col- 
 lege vacations, in superintending his stu- 
 dies. Douglas, on his return from Ame- 
 rica, had taken the earliest opportunity of 
 renev/ing his intimacy with his reverend 
 friend, whose conversation he had always 
 highly valued, and now prized more than 
 ever, as from his own ripened powers and 
 acquirements he was more capable of ap- 
 preciating its excellence. Besides the plea- 
 sure of Mr. Longhead's company, Douglas 
 soon found a more powerful inducement to 
 resort to his house. Mr. Longhead had an 
 only daughter now about eighteen, v/ho, 
 v/ith a beautiful interesting countenance 
 that " now beamed with intelligence, now 
 glistened with sensibility i*" a figure tall, 
 
 * Cecilia, 
 
 slender. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 17 
 
 slender, and well-formed, possessed the vigor- 
 ous acute understanding, the benevolence of 
 disposition, and tenderness of feeling which 
 her eyes intimated. That truly feminine qua- 
 lity, softness, so fascinating to every man 
 of sensibility, manifested itself in her looks, 
 her voice, her words, her adions. Her 
 charms v/ere calculated for striking a sud- 
 den blow ; but still more fitted for gradual 
 and permanent execution. Douglas, struck 
 with the beauty of Emily Longhead, was 
 soon completely captivated by her manners 
 and conversation. On his first perception 
 of his passion he endeavoured to suppress 
 it, knowing that his father would disap- 
 prove of such a connection, on account of 
 the limited fortunes of both. Vain, how- 
 ever, was the attempt to subdue love, ex- 
 cited by such an obje6t---the more lovely 
 the better known. As a man of honour 
 and integrity, he laboured to conceal his 
 passion from her, as there would be so 
 strong objedions to its gratification ; but 
 
 he 
 
l^ DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 he could not always avoid manifesting his 
 affection in such a way, as to be both un- 
 ders-tood and felt. Douglas was then about 
 six and twenty years of age, his features 
 were handsome and expressive, his com- 
 plexion, orighmlly very fine, was now em- 
 browned by the climates, in which his pro- 
 fessional duty had obliged him to reside. 
 Combined with the boldness, magnanimity,. 
 and strong sense imprinted on his counte- 
 nance, its hue rendered his appearance more 
 m.anly. His figure corresponded with his 
 face and countenance, he was tall and finely 
 proportioned, his shape and every move- 
 ment displayed agility and strength. He ex- 
 celled at every exercise and diversion which 
 required nimbleness or force, or exhibited 
 grace ; not Captain Duncan, nor Sir Wil- 
 liam Erskine, esteemed two of the com- 
 pletest instances of manly beauty in their 
 resped:ive professions, surpassed Douglas. 
 His manners were at once frank and ele- 
 gant, his conversation intelligent and en- 
 gaging, various, yet appropriately adapted 
 
 to 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 19 
 
 to the subjed or objed. Such a youth 
 Emily did not behold with indifference, 
 especially when convinced of his love for 
 herself : she had studiously endeavoured to 
 conceal her sentiments in favour of a man 
 who had never declared himself her lover. 
 He had set out for Ireland without coming 
 to an explanation ^ his self commxand arose 
 from the most honourable of motives ;" he 
 would not endeavour to gain the heart of 
 the young lady, when he knew that, in the 
 disapprobation of his revered father, there 
 would be, until his situation should be im- 
 proved, so strong an obstacle to their union. 
 Concealed, their love glowed the more, tec- 
 tus magls ccstuat ignis. The love of both 
 continued with increasing force during an 
 absence of three years : Douglas had fre- 
 quent opportunities in Ireland of marrying 
 to advantage, both in point of rank and 
 fortune, but would not offer his hand where 
 he could not bestow his heart. Emily re- 
 fused several offers, and one from a gentle- 
 man of great opulence, a com.ely figure, 
 
 and 
 
20 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 and an excellent charader. Her friends 
 severely censured her for the refusal, and 
 endeavoured to prevail with her to retra6t 
 it, but in vain. Douglas heard of this re- 
 jection in a letter from his sister Eieanora, 
 who exclaimed most bitterly against the 
 folly of Parson Longhead's daughter, in 
 refusing an offer that, Miss Nell said, might 
 have satisfied her betters. Douglas hearing 
 cf her repeated refusals, and of the gentle- 
 man Miss Nell mentioned in particular, 
 whom, independent of his fortune, he knew 
 to be a man most likely to gain a woman's 
 heart, if disengaged, began to conceive 
 hopes that he himself might be the cause. 
 The recolledlion of several little circum- 
 stances flattered these hopes, and the more 
 agreeably as he was now promoted. Obliged 
 to go to London to settle som.e business 
 conuedled with his new appointment, a 
 very handsome widow of large property, in 
 whose com.pany he happened to dine, fell 
 in love vvith the Major, and took care he 
 should be soon acquainted with his con- 
 quest. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 21 
 
 quest. He frankly and honestly told her 
 the state of his heart : the lady, like the 
 worthy peeress of Tom Jones, contented 
 herself with a temporary possession of what 
 was destined to another in reversion. Soon 
 after his arrival at Tay Bank, Charles re- 
 paired to Mr. Longhead's, and found Miss 
 Emily alone. The emotion she discovered 
 convinced him. that he was far from being 
 indifferent to her. In the warmth of his 
 transports, on seeing his beloved Emily af- 
 ter SQ long an absence ; in the eagerness of 
 his hopes from her refusal of others, and 
 her reception of himself, he declared him- 
 self her lover in so soft and endearins; 
 terms, as drew from her tender bosom a 
 full, though reludiant, confession of mu- 
 tual love. Her father now arrived, and, 
 after cordially welcoming his old pupil, was 
 informed by that gentleman of his long and 
 ardent passion for Emily, and solicited to 
 grant his consent to their immediate mar- 
 riage. Mr. Longhead thanked the Major 
 for the honour he intended his family, 
 
 but 
 
22 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 but would not consent to tlicir union with- 
 out the approbation of his old friend, Doug- 
 las's father. The Major returned imme- 
 diately to Tay Bank, closeted the old gen- 
 tleman, informed him of the whole affair, 
 described, with the most animated elo- 
 quence, the perfediions of Emily, and the 
 Tehemence of his own passion. The old 
 Laird of Tay Bank, though a man of con- 
 siderable family pride, could not obje6l to 
 the connexion on that score. The Long- 
 heads of Scotland have been always emi- 
 nent, and have supplied the court, the 
 <:amp, the pulpit, the sick room, the 
 bar, the bench, and the library, with 
 some of the ablest and most useful fre- 
 quenters ?vnd brightest ornaments. Mr. 
 Longhead was himself the representative 
 of a very respectable branch of the family : 
 his grandfather, Agumor Ballechandie, Big 
 Adam of Ballechandie, had saved the life 
 of Mr. Douglas's grandfather, when fight- 
 ing against repubHcans and levellers under 
 the great Montrose. The two-edged sword 
 
 v/hich 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 23 
 
 which that gigantic personage had used 
 when thus inspired by loyalty and pa- 
 triotism, was hung up in Mr. Longhead's 
 library, and was a subject of favourite con- 
 templation of the Douglas's of Tay Bank, 
 whose ancestor it had saved. A close in- 
 tercourse had ever since subsisted between 
 the families of Woodhill, the hereditary 
 seat of the Longheads, and of Tay Bank. 
 
 Prudence, however, did not sanction the 
 alliance now proposed. The Major, though 
 possessed of many virtues, could not num- 
 ber among them -oeconomy, and had lived to 
 the full extent of his pay, Emily had 
 hardly any fortune ; marriage in such cir- 
 cumstances, the -old gentleman apprehended, 
 must soon embarrass his son's affairs, and 
 might eventually impede his promotion: 
 he strongly, therefore, expostulated with 
 him on the prospedt of aggrandizement 
 which he must forego, and the diiSculties 
 he must encounter, by the marriage of Miss 
 Longhead. He used every argument that 
 could be adduced from regard to his ow^n 
 
 interest, 
 
24 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 interest, the desire of promotion and fame, 
 and also afFe6tion for the young lady her- 
 self to prevail on him to desist. His son 
 assured him that, in his love for Emily, he 
 had motives to oeconomy which had not ex- 
 isted before, and also additional spurs to 
 professional exertion, the desire of rendering 
 her independent ; that his whole happiness 
 depended on her.; that disappointment in 
 so interesting a concern would certainly 
 cause a depression that must prevent all 
 effort beyond the mere routine of duty ; 
 that aggrandizement would be a poor ex- 
 change for happiness 4 but, if that was his 
 objedl, he had no doubt by his professional 
 conduct to obtain a high situation, without 
 the aid of collateral influence. The last 
 argument had mucli weight with his fa- 
 ther, who expected every thing great from 
 the military character of his son. After 
 repeated discussions, convinced that his 
 son's happiness was at stake, he at length 
 yielded to his consent : he did this with 
 tlie less reludance, as he entertained a very 
 
 high 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 2J 
 
 high opinion of the young lady herself: 
 though he wished 00 could be annexed to 
 the sum total of her fortune. 
 
 Having prevailed with his father, he 
 immediately communicated his intentions 
 to his eldest brother. James frankly 
 told him that he wished he was to marry 
 a lady of greater fortune, but, since it 
 happened otherwise, that he should do 
 ever}^ thing in hi» power to promote the 
 happiness of all parties. 
 
 " You will meet, my dear Charles," said 
 he, " with most trouble from Nell, v;ho, 
 you know, is a vain, conceited fool, aiid 
 hates Miss Longhead." 
 
 " Hate my Emily !" exclaimed the Ma- 
 jor, " what can that lovely creature have 
 done to excite her hatred, or any one's ?" 
 
 " You must not," rephed the other, " ex- 
 pect a reasonable account of Miss's likings 
 or dislikings. She seldom speaks, judges, or 
 acts with reason on her side; if vou but 
 heard how she does contradict me when 1 
 am maintaining the soundest sense. In- 
 
 '■OL. I. C deed. 
 
26 DOUGLAS ; OR, 
 
 deed, my father, Mr. Longhead, and our 
 own parson, can tell you, that I have al- 
 ways the best of the argument, though, to 
 be sure, considering her ignorance and sil- 
 liness, it is no great vi6lory. '* 
 
 As Miss Nell will occupy a share of these 
 memoirs, we shall give a short sketch of her 
 qualifications, and so endeavour to account 
 for the censure of her brother, whether just 
 or unjust. — But this we reserve for another 
 chapter. 
 
 CHAP. 
 
THE HIGH LANDER. 27 
 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 ^ Description of Miss Eleanora Douglas. — Cause of 
 her Hatred to her Brother's destined Wife. — The 
 JMarriage of the Major and Emilv. 
 
 E 
 
 LEANORA Douglas, cldcst daughter of 
 "harles Douglass, Esq. of Tay Bank, pos- 
 essed tolerable features, and, in her youth, 
 , better complexion. Her countenance 
 v'as inclined to agreeableness if she was in 
 ;ood humour, but, as she was variable in 
 ler temper, so was she in the expression 
 if her face— now all softness and insinu- 
 .tion, a minute after, scorn, rage, and 
 UVY. Her person, though she was ex- 
 remely tall, was not originally ill-formed, 
 )ut, by the time she had reached thirtr, 
 lad become extremely large and coarse, 
 ndeed her face was neither ugly nor beau- 
 iful, her person- neither aukward nor 
 ;raceful— Her intellectual, as well as her 
 orporcal qualifications, did not exceed 
 C 2 .medi' 
 
28 DOUGLAS, OR, 
 
 mediocrity ; she did not want quickness 
 of observation — especially of defedls. Her 
 understanding was, besides, totally unculti- 
 vated ; she had been her mother's favourite, 
 and indulged in every request she thought 
 proper to make. Miss did not choose to 
 apply sedulously to the rudiments of edu- 
 cation : her mamma would not suffer her 
 to be compelled : of course she grew up 
 in ignorance. The sum of her acquire- 
 ments was a smattering of reading, a lit- 
 tle writing, less spelling, some skill in 
 dancing, and great volubility of defama- 
 tion. So quahfied and accomplished. Miss 
 had been esteemed, both by her mother 
 and herself, as the first of human beings : she 
 thought attention and admiration so much 
 her exclusive privileges, that the bestowal 
 of them on any other woman she resent- 
 ed as a downright invasion of her property^ 
 Puffed up with ideas of her own supe- 
 riority, she expe6led a deference and sub- 
 mission from ail with whom she conversed, 
 which she found very few disposed to be- 
 stow. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 29^^ 
 
 Stow. She had been not only permitted, 
 but encouraged by her mamma to give 
 vent to every thought, sentiment, and 
 passion ; she was, of course, a very fluent 
 speaker : her pride was rather aggressive 
 than repulsive; it displayed itself more 
 frequently in insolent loquacity than in 
 haughty reserve.— She expected that her 
 insolence was to be received without re- 
 sistance, by every person to whom she 
 was pleased to offer it. Retorts she ge- 
 nerally experienced, but never failed to 
 account them the most presumptuous 
 audacity : she could indeed brook nei- 
 ther contradiction of herself nor praise of 
 another woman. She wished to be the 
 sole idol to which adoration should be 
 offered : she proposed to herself pre- 
 eminence as the supreme good, without the 
 means of attaining that pre-eminence, un- 
 less in ignorance and absurdity. Ma- 
 lignity was a prevailing quality in the 
 mind of this amiable maiden, but this 
 malignity was secondary to vanity and 
 C 3 pride^ 
 
30 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 pride, and exerted itself with the greatest 
 virulence when prompted by the morti- 
 fications to which she never failed to ex- 
 pose herself from those passions. Her 
 chief and only lasting favourites were qua- 
 drupedes ; as from them she could appre- 
 hend no competition. Among her dogs 
 and cats she could reign paramount.— 
 Here she really possessed that superiority 
 which she in vain sought among rational 
 creatures. Many imputed to malice the 
 ardent zeal with which she often in- 
 veighed against the acftions, condu6l, and 
 character of other people. She herself, 
 who knew best, often declared that her 
 censures arose from her abhorrence of 
 vice, and her contempt for folly, to- 
 gether with a desire of the amendment 
 of the persons against whom her repre- 
 hensions were directed. To support the 
 probability of her protestations, she might 
 with great truth have adduced one argu- 
 ment founded upon an undoubted fad:, 
 that the most frequent subjeds of her 
 
 invec- 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 31 
 
 invedivcs were her own particular friends. 
 She was far from being liberal in pecu- 
 niary matters, but, to atone for her par- 
 simony in that w^y, she w^as extremely 
 generous in the article of advice. Ad- 
 vice is a gift of which in the scripture 
 language " more blessed is the giver than 
 the receiver." Her counsels were far 
 from being received with a thankfulness 
 in any degree adequate to the overflowing 
 kindness with which they were offered. 
 But, unlike those who plead the ingra- 
 titude of mankind, as an excuse for their 
 own avarice, she persevered in her dona- 
 tions. She bestowed very great trouble, 
 in devising plans for the management of 
 other people's affairs, and the regulation 
 of their condud: : she had, indeed, the 
 more time and attention to bestow on 
 the investigation of other peoples' past 
 behaviour, and on their instnadion re- 
 specting the future, as she was totally un- 
 interrupted by any reflections concerning 
 herself. Her notions on this point may, 
 C 4 indeed. 
 
S2 DOUGLASj OR, 
 
 indeed, be very concisely expressed; what- 
 ever she did must be right, because she did 
 it : a doctrine of wonderful utiHty in pre- 
 cluding the necessity of self-examination, 
 and those feelings of shame, compundion, 
 and remorse, so often extremely uneasy to 
 all who are not happily arrived at a state 
 of infallibility. She herself aspired at 
 the charader of a fine lady ; in some in- 
 stances she succeeded, even although her 
 qualifications, except to her own unerring 
 judgement, were far from being either im- 
 portant or brilliant. If she could not equal 
 fine ladies in elegant volubility, she did in 
 frivolous volubility : if she could not equal 
 them in the lively phraseology of fashion- 
 able sprightliness, she was a match for the 
 best of them in the power of making long 
 speeches and saying nothing; in idleness 
 also she was equal to any fine lady in the 
 kingdom; and if, at the end of a week> 
 a month, or a year, she had been asked 
 this plain simple question, JVkat good 
 have you done f she might have answered. 
 
TITE HIGHLANDER. 3^ 
 
 N'o?2e ill the uorld, with as safe a con^ 
 science as the gayest votan^ of ridottos, 
 operas, and masquerades , in short, the 
 most accomplished lady of the ton, if 
 Interrogated in the same manner. Her 
 dogs she seemed to choose from resem- 
 blance to herself in idleness. Neither the 
 vigilant mastiff^ the circunispe(ft shep- 
 herd's dog, nor the sagacious hound, were 
 her favourites ; but the trifling lap-dog. 
 Perhaps, indeed,., similarity of uselessness 
 may be one reason that this last species 
 is so universally a favourite with fine la- 
 dies. Miss NeU was prone to intimacies 
 even with her own species -, but they 
 were never of long . continuance. There 
 was hardly a woman she knew to whom 
 she had not been a warm friend, and a 
 bitter enemy. Her resentments were very- 
 violent, but not lasting ^ some alledged that 
 the shortness of their duration arose not 
 {torn a forgiveness of disposition, but a 
 capricious inconstancy of temper, that 
 C 5 could 
 
54 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 could not long be pleased or displeased 
 with the same object. 
 
 Miss Eleanora had not many offers of 
 marriage but from men whom she deemed 
 her inferiors ; even those proposals were, 
 for what reason we cannot devise, from per- 
 sons slightly acquainted with her quaHfica- 
 tions, and, indeed, before these had fully 
 displayed themselves. Ere she had reach- 
 ed her twentieth year she had attained such 
 perfe(flion in that animated, vehement, and 
 impassioned eloquence, which heretofore 
 distinguished Xantippe, that the men (pro- 
 bably from modesty, lest they should be 
 thought to aspire at the situation of So- 
 crates, to have an occasion to exert the 
 same philosophical self-comimand,) kept al- 
 together aloof. Being now in her thirty- 
 third year, her hopes of marriage were li- 
 mited to an apparently distant post obit. 
 Her father had never approved of the 
 system bf his daughter's education, and 
 very much lamented and censured the ef- 
 feds it had produced. Finding, however, 
 
 remon- 
 
tHE HIGKLANUER. S5 
 
 remonstrances ineffectual, he had, at last, 
 desisted from them ; only reserving to him- 
 self the right of protesting, inform, against 
 the display of her eloquence in his hearing. 
 The old lady had been now som.e years dead, 
 and Miss was considered as the manager of 
 the department which had belonged to her 
 mother. A sedate sensible housekeeper, 
 however, kept the accounts, and transacted 
 the administrative functions j the province 
 chosen by Miss was the oratoriai. An an- 
 cient rhetorician would class her harangues, 
 not in the deUberatrce kind, which requires 
 a thorough knowledge of the subjedt joined 
 to a cool consideration of what is most ex- 
 pedient ; the rapid mind of Eleanora never 
 waited for deliberation. He might also in- 
 form us that it was not of the judicial kind, 
 as her live genius always moved too quick for 
 a tedious enquiry into equity and justice; he 
 would refer it to the demonstrative kind, 
 which consisted in heaping praise or blame 
 ziithoiit measure. The subjects of her pa- 
 negyrics were either the qualities of her- 
 C 6 self; 
 
36 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 self, or of her friend, the post obit ; of her 
 invedlives, various friends and relations, but 
 most frequently the female domestics, as 
 being most within the reach of her elo- 
 quence. Some might suspedb her of bor« 
 rowing from Cicero, as her harangues very 
 often began in the style with which he once 
 commences, Jamne videSy Jamne sentis bel- 
 lua — you beast, have you any eyes,, have you 
 common sense ? Beginning, however, with 
 a generic term, she, according to the rules 
 of rhetoricians, proceeded to special objedts, 
 as exhibiting a livelier image ; her favourite 
 source of figurative language was the ca- 
 nine race. 
 
 Among the many who were, at different 
 times, the subjeds of Miss Neil's elo- 
 quence, Emily was one. Nell hated that 
 young lady most bitterly, for the following 
 good and substantial reasons. Emily was 
 much younger, much handsom.er, much 
 more accomplished, much more liked and 
 admired than herself. Besides being adored 
 by the men in general, Miss Longhead 
 
 had 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. ST 
 
 had been solicited to give her hand to a 
 particular gentleman whom Nell had mark- 
 ed as a conquest for herself; she was en- 
 raged that Emily had it in h^r power to 
 refuse a man whom she herself would have 
 most gladly accepted. She averred, that 
 she had strenuously advised Emily to ac- 
 cede to the gentleman's proposals. She, 
 at other times, declared, that, to her certain 
 knowledge, no such offer had been m.ade. 
 Indeed, in the narrative part of her orations, 
 she by no means strictly confined herself to 
 the actual state of the case. Like many 
 eminent orators, she considered matter of 
 "^(51 as, in itself, totally immaterial, and 
 thought truth of consequence merely so far 
 as it tended to establish the desirecf con- 
 clusions. If fa<ft, therefore, could not pro- 
 mote the wished-for end, she wisely em- 
 ployed fidlion in its place; a substitute 
 sanctioned by the authority of very high 
 political characfters. As she hated Miss 
 Emily, she used the utmost efforts of her 
 
 inven- 
 
'58 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 •invention to blander and abuse that sweet 
 lass. 
 
 Matters being in this state, the reader 
 will not be surprized that James^ the young 
 Laird, apprehended all the opposition in 
 Nell's power to her brother's marriage with 
 Miss Lon2;head. Indeed no one more 
 
 o 
 
 readily imputed bad or foolish motives to 
 Miss Nell than James, though, generally, a 
 good natured and candid man. That good 
 gentleman was particularly anxious that 
 his understanding should meet with v/hat 
 lie conceived due respecl. Nell often ex- 
 pressed the greatest contempt for the ta- 
 lents of her eldest brother, although equal 
 to her own. James Was often much en- 
 raged at her attacks on his abilities, but 
 in his cooler moments imputed them to 
 her folly, which he said was very evident 
 in all her v/ords and actions. 
 
 Nell, as Jam.es had foretold, was vehe- 
 mently incensed against her brother for 
 thinking of marrying a person so totally 
 disagreeable to her, who was the best and 
 
 proper- - 
 
THE HIGHLANBER. 89 
 
 properest judge how her brothers ought 
 to ad. Besides hatred to Emily, there 
 were other reasons which operated on 
 Eleanora. Desirous of deference and sub- 
 mission from all the world, she thou2;ht 
 herself peculiarly entitled to them from 
 her brothers ; she was, therefore, inimical 
 to any marriage for them, as that, she ap- 
 prehended, would eventually interfere with 
 the worship which she thought it the duty 
 of those brothers to offer to so very wise 
 and accomplished a sister. In their duty 
 she had hitherto the misfortune to find 
 them deplorably deficient, and marriage, 
 she feared, would make them more negli-, 
 gent and remiss. Indeed any other person 
 v/ould have seen a still greater probability 
 than Miss Nell herself did in the case of 
 Miss Emily Longhead, that she would be 
 considered as a very secondary objeft of 
 attention by the Major. It was probable 
 that a man should attend more to his v/ife 
 than to his sister, were they equally wor- 
 thy and amiable ^ but it was still more 
 
 probable 
 
40 DOUGLAS ; OR,. 
 
 probable that he should attend more to a 
 lovely, sweet, sensible, engaging wife, than 
 to an unlovely, sour, foolish, disgusting 
 sister. 
 
 Miss Nell expostulated, and prophecied 
 every evil, if the proposed union were car- 
 ried into effecV. But her remonstrances 
 and predictions were disregarded ; the Ma- 
 jor was made happy in the possession of 
 his beloved Emilv. 
 
 CHAP. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 41 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 Birth of our Hero. — ^The Departure of the Major and 
 his Lavly to the West Indies. — Transactions at Tay 
 Bank in their Absence. 
 
 URiNG the first year after their mar- 
 riage the Major and his lady resided chiefiy 
 at Tay Bank and Loch Castle, the resi- 
 dence of Mr. Longhead, though occasion- 
 ally at the county town where their regi- 
 ment was quartered. Both their fathers 
 and brother grew daily more attached to 
 Emily, and, if possible, to the Major him- 
 self. The mutual endearments of the new 
 married couple increased their mutual af- 
 feclion; their more thorough knowledge 
 of each other's disj^osition and characler, 
 strengthened reciprocal esteem and admi- 
 ration. Though not v/ithout disturbance 
 trom the folly or insolence of Eleanora, 
 they enjoyed very great happiness. To^ 
 crown their felicity, Mrs. Douglas, within 
 
 the 
 
42 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 the year, brought to the world a fine boy ; 
 the subje<5l of these memoirs. 
 
 The child was christened by his mater- 
 nal grandfather, and received the name of 
 Charles, in honour of his paternal. He 
 had just completed his first year, and ex- 
 hibited all the symptoms of intelligence 
 and sensibility which any child of his age 
 could display, and was regarded by his 
 fond and partial parents as a miracle of 
 beauty and sagacity, each tracing the 
 other's features and expression in his face 
 and countenance, when, on the sudden 
 apprehension of a rupture with Spain, his 
 father's regiment w^as ordered to the West 
 Indies. No entreaties could prevail on his 
 lady to forbear accompanying her beloved 
 hufiband. To have taken the child so 
 young to such a climate would, had it 
 been otherwise convenient, have exposed 
 him to certain danger. His father and 
 mother were necessitated to sacrifice the 
 ■delight of their infant's presence to his 
 fut^jre safety. The idea of such a parting 
 
 was 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 4-3 
 
 was very distressing to both, and cost 
 Emily many a tear. Her father, father- 
 in-law, and husband, used every argument 
 that sense and goodness could dictate, to 
 sooth her anxiety and sorrow, while Miss 
 Eleanora uttered many sage refledticns on 
 the folly, and, indeed, impiety, of such 
 feelings. It was extremely silly, she said, 
 to grieve for a separation that was for the 
 child's good ; it impUed a refledion on his 
 friends -, it appeared as if she doubted that 
 they would take proper care of the boy;; 
 it was, moreover, impious, as it argued a 
 distrust in the divine Providence ; it was, 
 indeed, she said, quite inconsistent with 
 the duty of a Christian, to have so warm 
 an attachment to any temporal objed: as 
 not to be ready to resign it when it should 
 please her Maker. " You ought not only 
 not to grieve now, but even if, when you 
 were a-broad, you were to hear that it had 
 pleased God to take away your child by 
 .the small pox, which are very mortal in 
 the next parish, for two fine children died 
 
 of 
 
44 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 of them in the same house in one day last 
 week, you ought to be tranquil and con- 
 tented/' This suggestion thrcw the mother 
 into an agony of apprehension, and drew 
 from the Major a sally of anger to his sister, 
 which contempt had generally stifled ; he 
 swore she was one of the siUiest, most ma- 
 licious fools that ever existed. The rest of 
 the company silently, James openly and 
 loudly, concurred. Nell replied to both 
 with great vehem^ence, and a violent quar- 
 rel would have taken place had not the 
 Major, more perfedly recoiledting the truth 
 of his assertion, thought proper to make 
 some apology for having uttered that truth, 
 and prevailed on James to do the same. 
 This little altercation was a fortunate cir- 
 cumstance for Emily, as the desire of ter- 
 minating it for a time diverted her mind 
 from its more tender interest. Mixt with 
 Emily's tenderness, there was a consider- 
 able degree of fortitude -, before the time 
 of departure, making a vigorous effort, she 
 assumed the appearance of tranquillity. 
 
 After 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 43 
 
 After having, in the most solemn and im- 
 pressive terms, committed their sacred de- 
 posit to their care, they took leave of their 
 friends, and embarked at Glasgow for Ja- 
 maica. — Thus was our young hero, in his 
 early infancy, deprived of the immediate 
 prote(^ion of his parent. 
 
 The old gentleman had insisted, that 
 Tay Bank should be the head-quarters of 
 his name son ; where, however, Mr. Long- 
 head almost daily saw him, and had him 
 often as an inmate of the parsonage-house 
 of Loch Castle. Under the care of his 
 grandfathers and uncle, our hero throve 
 apace -, they all three doated on him. Be- 
 fore he was three years old their fondness 
 discovered in him wonderful abilities. The 
 prattling of little Charley they considered 
 as combining wisdom and eloquence. Mr. 
 Longhead, wise as he was, attributed to the 
 son of his beloved daughter much greater 
 talents than any child of his age could 
 exhibit. The little contrivances by which 
 all children attempt to obtain the objeds 
 
 of 
 
46 DOUG L AS i OR^ 
 
 of their desire, he considered as efforts of 
 the most promismg genius. Miss Nell 
 was not equally fond of the boy : besides 
 her hatred to the mother, which we have 
 enumerated, she was jealous of the fond- 
 ness of her father and brother for httle 
 Charles. In the midst of her most wise 
 observations, or most vehement oratory, 
 the gentlemen would, instead of listening 
 to her with that deference and admiration 
 to which she conceived herself entitled, be 
 attending to the sayings and little tricks 
 of Charles. 
 
 A still higher offence was, that her fa- 
 vourite dog was in less estimation with 
 the family than her nephew. This dog 
 (except the subjed; of the post obit ex- 
 pedtation, before hinted at,) she prefer- 
 red to all creatures, and, indeed, with 
 reason; as there was no creature that paid 
 so much attention to her. He attended to 
 all her motions, watched her voice, and 
 whenever she opened her eloquence against 
 the domestics he also seconded her ha- 
 rangues 5 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 
 
 rangues ; taking the tone from this leader 
 of the band, the second favourites played 
 their parts. The cats contributed their 
 share to the harmony, though in a different 
 key from the lady and the dogs. Indeed, 
 those musicians were not the only accom- 
 paniers of Miss Nell's exhibitions, but 
 often also the causes, especially Carlo. 
 A contest between the four-footed gentle- 
 men and young Charles was the cause of a 
 vep^ severe beating to the latter, from his 
 worthy aunt, and of great confusion in the 
 familv. — Mr. James Douo;las havino; been 
 at a neighbouring fair had brought home a 
 large piece of gingerbread for his nephew. 
 Little Charles, now in the fourth year of 
 his age, was of a liberal disposition, and 
 after having offered a part of his ginger- 
 bread to some of the servants, very gene- 
 rously bestowed more than a third on the 
 dog. Mr. Carlo not contented with what the 
 generosity of our hero had given to him, 
 attempted to snatch the whole. This our 
 hero resisted— Carlo bit his fingers— an 
 assault which he resented by a blow with a 
 
 stick, 
 
48 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 stick, with which he drove his hoop-— Carlo 
 ranofFhowhng: unfortunately Eleanora saw 
 the blow, and, without enquiring into the 
 cause, flew on Charles, whom she w^as beat- 
 ing severely when her brother appeared and 
 rescued the boy from her clutches.— A 
 violent quarrel arose between the brother 
 and sister— both laid their complaint be* 
 fore the old gentleman, who, having 
 enquired into the original cause of his 
 aunt Nell's anger, and finding it frivo- 
 lous, and unjust, and its effects barbarous, 
 reprimanded her with much severity. 
 Nell replied with the most undutiful 
 insolence, made a quick transition to little 
 Charles, whom she abused with great 
 fluency, adding, " every sort of wickedness 
 might be expeded from the child of such a 
 zorelch.''' She proceeded to her brother, 
 whom she reviled with every reproachful 
 epithet she could remember ; and, finally, 
 swore that her father must turn hmi out of 
 doors, and even disinherit ////?/, otherwise 
 she would leave the place for ever. James 
 was going to reply with much anger, when 
 
 his 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 49 
 
 his father, whose passions, from age and ex- 
 perience, were now moderate, told her 
 coolly, he would discuss the affair no far- 
 ther at present, but that the next morning 
 he would dehver his sentiments and resolu- 
 tion very explicitly; meanwhile, in a very 
 peremptory tone, he desired her to retire 
 to her room. 
 
 Nell seldom obeyed any order of her 
 father, or ever complied with a request 
 without grumbling or bellowing, (for her 
 voice, when crying, resembled that of a 
 wounded ox,) yet as firmness is an over- 
 match for violence, she generally regarded 
 his positive orders, though with the afore- 
 said grumbling or bellowing. She did not, 
 indeed, do this without indemnifying her- 
 self for her forced submission, by diuifully 
 abusing her father to all her acquaintance, 
 and the servants. She now withdrev/, scold- 
 ing all the way, to her apartment. The 
 old gentleman, who was a man of excellent 
 sense himself, did not look upon this am.ia- 
 ble daughter as an able reasoner at anv 
 
 voL. I. D .time. 
 
50 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 lime.--- At tliis time a circumstance existed 
 which incapacitated her from exerting the 
 very hmited share of reason which she pos- 
 sessed. Mercury is considered as god of 
 eloquence; perhaps no one can be a con- 
 summate orator without being occasionally 
 insi)ired by Apollo, and habitually guided 
 by Minerva. Miss Nell did not owe her 
 oratory to the deities who dispense with 
 genius, or wisdom. Her eloquence flowed 
 originally from the inspiration of one of 
 those ladies who stimulated the wife of 
 Latimus to excite discord, and had, of late, 
 received large supplies from that jovial 
 deity, who is, in poetic story, recorded to 
 have driven tigresses. To speak plainly. 
 Miss Nell was now one of those women 
 known by the denomination of old maids, 
 a term extended by courtesy to all women 
 that are unmarried at thirty. Marriage is, 
 in the estimation of z^^zmarried women, the 
 highest possible blessing. The long want 
 of that great good must, consequently, be a 
 very great evil Such an evil, though it 
 
 does 
 
THE HIGHLAKDER, 51 
 
 tloes not admit of complete remedy, yet 
 may be, and has been, alleviated in various 
 ways. 
 
 A mode of procedure to which they 
 themselves give the name of religion has 
 been of sovereign use to many maiden gen* 
 tlewomen. This religion consists in read- 
 ing holy books, in hearing long prayers and 
 sermons, in charitably applying the descrip- 
 tions of vic€ and sin contained in those 
 books and sermons to their neighbours, in 
 abusing the chara<5lers of those neighbours, 
 and, with becoming zeal, consigning them 
 to damnation. Such proceedings often, for 
 a time, engage the attention, so much as to 
 draw it away from the woes of ceUbacy. 
 Besides, as religious meetings are by no 
 means unfavourable to the operations of 
 the amorous affedlions, maidens are cheered 
 with the hope of exciting, through the 
 sympathy of devotion, the sympathy of 
 love. Cats and dogs are often of great 
 efficacy in alleviating the miseries of old 
 maidenhood. Probably their fancies may 
 D 2 represeiu 
 
52 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 represent the caresses bestowed on those 
 favourites as bestowed on the human 
 species. But prayers, sermons, and defama- 
 tion, afford only a temporary consolation. 
 Cats, or even dogs themselves, cannot al- 
 ways engross the attention. A succedaneum 
 of more sovereign power is -necessary. 
 When all other means have failed to soothe 
 their hearts, sore with disappointments, 
 elderly maidens find, from experience, a 
 most efficacious balsam in a liquid sub- 
 stance known by the name of brandy, — 
 This substance is accounted by them very 
 pleasing to the taste, and exhilirating 
 to the spirits. Under its benign influence 
 they either forget their wants, or entertain 
 sanguine hopes that they will be soon sup- 
 plied. Their devotion burns more ardently, 
 their oratory is more vivid and sonorous; 
 their attacks on the qualifications and cha- 
 raders of their friends more bold and vehe- 
 ment. From such beneficial efre6ls, it is 
 no wonder that brandy is in very high re- 
 quest, especially among those old maids, in 
 
 whom 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. dIj 
 
 whom habitual sourness and malignity has 
 made celibacy more tormenting to them- 
 selves, and more disgusting to others. In- 
 deed it is among the habitually malignant 
 that it is in the highest request, as they 
 stand most in need of a softening cordial. 
 
 Miss Eleanora, who, at a very early age, 
 begun to have recourse to brandy, had at 
 first been sparing in the use of it. At 
 twenty-five had greatly increased the fre- 
 quency of her devotions, and at thirty 
 was noted for her attachment to the in- 
 spiriting beverage. That evening she had 
 taken (not an extraordinar}^, but) a very 
 large dose, which, co-operating with her 
 love for her dog, and hatred for her ne- 
 phew, produced the beating and quarrel 
 v^'hic^h we have recorded. 
 
 The old gentleman, who experienced his 
 son to be dutiful, respectful, and affedion- 
 ate, his daughter to be undutiful, insolent, 
 and indifferent; who knew the former to be 
 benevolent, unassuming, and generally loved, 
 the latter, malignant, arrogant, and gene- 
 D 3 rally 
 
54 DOUGLAS; aR, 
 
 rally hated; James, in the case in dispute- 
 to be entirely in the right, Nell entirely in 
 the wrong; determined to insist on her 
 most humble submission. This he did 
 partly from the hope that the mortifica- 
 tion her pride would thus receive might, 
 for some time, restrain her from the con- 
 dud that caused it. The next morning 
 he sent for her, and when she was begin- 
 ning a phillippic against her brotlier,he in- 
 terrupted her, by desiring her to hear a 
 word, and answer accordingly. 
 
 " You, last night," said he, " proposed 
 that your brother or you should leave my 
 house : your brother has always conduifled 
 himself towards me as became him; you 
 have not as became you. He shall not be 
 abused by you with impunity. I now, 
 therefore, propose my alternative, either 
 promise to behave with propriety, not only 
 to him, but to every individual in this 
 house, or leave it this morning. A suffi- 
 cient annuity shall, in that case, be allowed 
 for your subsistence.'* 
 
 N^ll 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 55 
 
 Nell burst into a violent ragCy a torrent 
 of invective, v>'hich ended in a fit, as often 
 happened to her from excess of passion. 
 
 On her recovery her fatlier calmly told 
 her, " Your frantic sallies of diabolical pas- 
 ::lon shall not shake my resolution \vhi<;h 
 I shall now leave you to consider.'* 
 
 When Nell had recovered from the pa- 
 roxysm of rage, she began to reflect upon 
 the ccnsecuences v/hich would result from 
 her leaving her father's house. She could 
 not help seeing that both her father and 
 brother, though infinitely her inferiors in 
 merit, were m^uch more esteemed and 
 liked, and that the world would be on their 
 side. Of marriage her hopes were very 
 distant, unless when the cordial happened 
 to approximate the objeo:. The realiza- 
 tion was to depend on the death of a wo- 
 man younger than herself, w-hom she had 
 once fancied to be rather in a bad state of 
 health, but found to be now perfectly reco* 
 vered ; she apprehended some tergiversation 
 in the gentleman, and suspecting he was 
 D 4 relapsing 
 
56 DOUGLAS, OR, 
 
 relapsing into an affection for his wife. A 
 circumstance which greatly disappointed 
 her, as she knew the wife to be a woman 
 of sensibility, and was once not without the 
 liopes that the alienation of the husband's 
 affection might break the wife's heart, and 
 so speedily cause the vacancy which she 
 wished to supply. Many repeated trials, 
 even whilst the post obit was more in view, 
 had convinced her that her other chances 
 were not great; she saw that she must 
 probably continue to be dependent on her 
 father and brothers, and that her conse- 
 quence in society must chiefly be derived 
 from them. That consequence she saw 
 would be very small in a secluded, seques- 
 tered state, compared with what she fancied 
 it might still be, if she remained mistress of 
 her father's house. 
 
 That detested sister-in-lav/, and her now 
 no less detested son, were very great favou- 
 rites with the fools her father and brother, 
 but might there not be hopes, by artifice 
 an<3 misrepresentation, of supplanting them } 
 
 That 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 57 
 
 That would be impracticable were she to 
 leave her father's -, should she remain in the 
 house she might regain the favour of her 
 father and elder brother, and injure little 
 Charles and his mother, and even the 
 Major, in their affection. From the^e 
 good motives she resolved to submit and 
 bend herself every way to regain their good 
 will, of the advantages of which she was 
 the more sensible from apprehending the 
 entire loss. 
 
 No one had a greater inclination than 
 Miss Nell to hypocrisy and deceit y she 
 was totally unrestrained by any principle ; 
 would use the most unjustifiable means to 
 promote her interest, or gratify her pas- 
 sions, however hurtful. She did not w^ant 
 versatility and insinuation ; but her views 
 were narrow; her capacity small; her tem- 
 per unsteady : so that, however willing to 
 engage in noxious projects, she neither de- 
 vised the most effectual means, nor was 
 steady and persevering in her plans. The 
 fickleness and fury of her temper com- 
 D 5 biaed 
 
W DOtTGLAS ; OR, 
 
 bined with the weakness of her under- 
 standing in preventing her badness of heart 
 from doing the designed mischief. 
 
 But to return to our story — Nell sent 
 a note to her father, expressing her sincere 
 contrition for the violence and undutiful- 
 iiess into which she had been hurried, and 
 requesting, in the humblest terms, that 
 her brother and he might, in consistence 
 with their often experienced goodness-, be 
 reconciled to her. They were both highly 
 satisfied v/ith her note, and made up the 
 matter in a few minutes. She lavished 
 much kindness on Charles, knowing it 
 would please her father and brother. 
 
 During some months after this things 
 went on pretty smoothly. Miss laboured 
 to please the gentlemen s and> on the whole, 
 succeeded. Not that she could always re- 
 frain from indulging her oratory, especially 
 after draughts more inspiring than the 
 waters of Hippocrene j but she chose times 
 for her harangues when the gentlemen 
 were abroad, and, for the moht part, con- 
 cluded 
 
rHTE HTGHLANDER.. 59: 
 
 efuded as soon as they were within hear- 
 ing; and, indeed,- — except in these occa* 
 sional harangues,, sometimes reinforced by 
 manual exertions against the female ser- 
 vants and dependents,, and bearing away 
 some trophies of heir, caps, handkerchiefs, 
 &c. and leaving monuments of the force 
 of the weapons which she wore at the end 
 of her fingers, — she was metamorphosed in- 
 to a very pleasant woman. 
 
 One term of her rhetoric gave very un- 
 seasonable umbrage to its objects, as she 
 certainly m^eant it as a compliment. Her 
 female opponents she never failed to dig- 
 nify with an assertion, that they belonged 
 to that species from which she herself se- 
 lected her greatest favourites. 
 
 D6 
 
 CITAP. 
 
60 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 
 Keturn of Colonel Douglas and his Lady. — The 
 Death of the old Gentleman. — Our Hero sent to- 
 School. 
 
 EAN WHILE the Major and his lady 
 were with the regiment, which had, after 
 the peace, been ordered to North America. 
 Peace being concluded they were now or- 
 dered home, to the great joy of Major and 
 Mrs. Douglas, who had a longing desire to 
 see their parents and child. 
 
 His lady had brought the Major ano- 
 ther son, who died an infant in the West 
 Indies; and the following year a beautiful 
 girl, now in her second year, whom they 
 were eager ^to make known to her brother 
 and friends. On their arrival in Britain 
 they received the very agreeable intelli- 
 gence that the Lieutenant-Colonel of the 
 regiment was promoted, and succeeded by 
 the Major. 
 
 It 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 61 
 
 It was now the month of August, and 
 an annual fair was holding at the vil- 
 lage of Tay Bank. Our hero was dres- 
 sed in the Highland garb, and walking 
 with his uncle in the street, within s'mht of 
 the river Tay j when espying a chaise ford- 
 ing the river, at a little distance, he pro- 
 posed to his uncle to go and see it, (chaises 
 being, twenty years ago, rather rarities in 
 the remote parts of Scotland.) Down they 
 walked, and were within a few yards of the 
 carriage, when a gentleman, springing from 
 it, asked if he was not Charley Douglas; 
 and, finding he was, ran with him in his 
 arms to the chaise. Both father and mo- 
 ther were half smothering him with kisses 
 and caresses when Mr. Douglas came up 
 and partook of the happiness. The old 
 gentleman heard of their arrival before they, 
 reached the house, and meeting them, as 
 fast as the tardiness of eighty-four would 
 suffer him, declared he should now die 
 contented, since he had once more folded 
 in his arms his beloved and vadmired son. 
 
 His 
 
6?J BOVGLAS; OR, 
 
 His daughter-in-law, and little grand- 
 daughter, partook of his affectionate em-^ 
 braces*. Eleanora shewed great pleasure ia 
 her reception of the Colonel and his lady^ 
 Perhaps an unconcerned person might have 
 discovered want of sincerity, and over- 
 acting in her expressions and behaviour -, 
 but all the others present were too much 
 engrossed with their present feelings to at- 
 tend to hers. 
 
 Our hero,^ m whom every sentiment of' 
 respect and love to his aunts had been; 
 studiously and successfully instilled by his 
 friends, shewed a sensibility and fondness« 
 which highly enJianced the delight with 
 which they beheld him. Hewas, indeed, a very 
 promising boy, though not viewed through 
 the partial medium of aiFection^ but by 
 his grandfather and uncle esteemed supe- 
 rior to ail of his age or country. 
 
 They recounted and celebrated many a. 
 saying and action of Charles, which were 
 such as might be expected from any sen- 
 sible v/ell-disposed child of four years old^, 
 
 but 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 53 
 
 but to the amiable exaggeration of pa- 
 rental prepossession, appeared unquestion- 
 able proofs of astonishing talents and good- 
 ness. Miss Nell constrained herself also- 
 to speak well of her nephew, except 
 sometimes when overpowered by the deity 
 who, as the poet sings, makes secrets- 
 more transparent than glass. 
 
 Indeed she was. daily dishking hlm^ 
 more, and that not more on account of 
 his descent than for personal considerations.. 
 The uncle who was, though a worthy good- 
 natured man^ a great lover of what is. 
 termed fun, initiated his nephew in a 
 number of little mischievous pranks, which 
 neither his grandfather nor parents would 
 have relished, had they made part of his 
 history. He directed the efforts of his 
 genius, particularly against Nell and her 
 favourites. He would make him slily 
 steal and hide aunt's brandy bottle, which 
 was generally in a closet adjoining her 
 bed,'and the key often in a hurry forgotten. 
 Nell, who knew that neither her dogs, 
 
 cats, 
 
64i DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 cats, nor brandy, were acceptable to her 
 father, did not choose to take notice of 
 these tricks, which she easily discovered 
 when she returned to her recollection, but 
 hated the boy more and more for them, 
 and magnified all his other little pranks, 
 even those which did not bring her fa- 
 vourite objeds and pursuits into discus- 
 sion. 
 
 The old gentleman and his heir vied 
 with one another in shewing their esteem 
 for the Colonel and his lady. Nell, though 
 except when in the predicament above 
 hinted at, she made m.any professions of 
 kindness to that couple, more, indeed, 
 than all their friends put together ; really 
 bitterly envied them the esteem and regard 
 which she could not in spite of herself but ' 
 see were entertained for them by all their • 
 acquaintances. She devised many stra- 
 tagems to injure them with their father, 
 and create dissent ion between them and 
 their elder brother, but to no purpose : ' 
 as all the family knev/ Nell perfectly, 
 
 her 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 65 
 
 her attempts, which her own folly always 
 betrayed, gave very little disturbance. 
 
 The Colonel and his lady spent much 
 of their time at Tay Bank and Loch Castle, 
 and the rest at various towns in Scotland, 
 in which the regiment was at different 
 times quartered. — Charles, at six years old, 
 was put under the schoolmaster of the pa- 
 rish to be prepared for a public school. 
 
 This preceptor was a man of good sense 
 and great integrity, and, though he did not 
 profess to have much classical erudition^ 
 was thoroughly qualified for finishing Com- 
 mercial, and teaching the elements of 
 literary, education. Under this gentleman, 
 Charles displayed vigorous parts, and a 
 desire of improvement. Mr. Practice, the 
 master, had that very useful preceptorial 
 qualification, a penetrating insight into 
 juvenile characters, so as to knov/ how to 
 work on different tempers and dispositions, 
 and excite them to learning and good be- 
 haviour. In his retired seminary were mxany 
 young men founded, and several edu- 
 cated, 
 
66 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 cated, who have made, and make, a re- 
 spectable figure in life. 
 
 In our hero, Mr. Practice soon disco- 
 vered that spirit of emulation which, join- 
 ed with ability, guided by judgement, and 
 directed to the best objects, never fails to 
 produce beneficial effects ; to this princi- 
 ple he applied with skill and success. 
 Charles made a rapid progress in the ele- 
 mentary parts of education. 
 
 His emulation did not confine itself to^ 
 learning, but extended to- personal prow* 
 ess. He was soon by far the best wrestler 
 and leaper of his age, and, before he was: 
 nine years of age, had made considerable 
 progress in the art of boxing, under the 
 tuition and superintendence of a serjeant 
 who had belonged to his father's regiment, 
 and, naturally strong, had acquired great 
 skill and dexterity in his intercourse with 
 English soldiers. The serjeant, who had 
 seen Broughton fight, declared he had no, 
 doubt that Charles would equal that cele- 
 brated champion. To encourage him he 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 6t 
 
 often recited instances of his father's prow- 
 ess, " who, though the best tempered gen- 
 tleman that ever a soldier served under, 
 yet, by G — d, would not bear an insult from 
 no man, and one day gave a devil of a 
 drubbing to a coal-heaver, who ran against 
 him on purpose to spoil his dress, as he 
 was taking boat at Hungerford Stairs, far 
 Vauxhall ; and another time at Ormond 
 Quay, beat a scoundrel of an Irish bog- 
 trotter, a hugeous fellow, who was abu- 
 sing the chaplain.*' Though the Colonel 
 had sometimes been provoked to exercise^ 
 against vulgar insolence, the extraordinary 
 strength which he possessed, yet he was 
 far from approving of systematic bruising,, 
 and when he came to find Charles had 
 been regularly initiated in the art, and was 
 eager to become a pugilistic champion, 
 though he could not be angry with the 
 Serjeant for what he meant well — desired 
 him rather to instruct the boy in the use 
 of the broad-sword, which would still 
 
 mora 
 
68 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 more strengthen his arms, without so much 
 tempting him to be quarrelsome. 
 
 " An' please your honour, ihere is na a 
 man in the hale army mair milder than 
 yoursell, and de'il a stronger man, or a bet- 
 ter feighter there is in it, na in our ain auld 
 forty second itsell, tho' mony a clever 
 fallow there is in it ; however, sin your 
 honour will hae'd sae, I'll teach the law- 
 die the gude braid sword, Charlie Mac- 
 aj/ig and I very aften taaks a bout at it, 
 that gajrs us^ mind auld long syne, when 
 we followed your honour up the heights 
 of Abrahaam. — Ah, these were bra' times. 
 By G — d, gin that brave boy live to man's 
 estate, he'll be as stout a tali well-bigget a 
 man as yourhonour's sell." 
 
 Besides the Serjeant, Charles had ano- 
 ther instructor in the eymnastic exercises 
 in his uncle, who was delighted with his 
 nephew's prowess, and prophesied he would 
 turn out an honour to the family ; for 
 that his brothers, and he himself, had 
 been just such others. He often prompted 
 
 young 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 69 
 
 young Charles, who, though generous and 
 good-natured, was himself sufficiently in- 
 clined to exert his prowess, being warm, 
 impetuous, and easily irritated, — Aunt 
 Nell took advantage of the bloody noses 
 and black eyes which our hero often bore 
 about with him as monuments of his com- 
 bats, to attack as proud and rancorous, 
 a turn of mind she imputed to the foolish 
 fondness of his parents and friends ; and, 
 when these were not present, to his ma- 
 ternal origin. 
 
 Little Charles, wlien very young, dis- 
 played a quick conception, af inconsistency 
 and absurdity, and the dawnings of that 
 humour which is one natural exercise of a 
 penetrating and discriminating understand- 
 ing, combined with a lively imagination. — 
 His uncle, who, though by no means a 
 man of that species of humour which re- 
 quires discernment into character, and the 
 power of exposing its inconsistencies and 
 follies, was fond of jokes and fun j he 
 therefore also superintended these essays of 
 
 his 
 
70 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 his nephew's talents, while in his boyish 
 years, directed to obvious absurdities onl}S 
 and thus, hitherto, not penetrating beyond 
 the observation of James himself, which 
 through hfe vi^as confined to the surface of 
 things. He continued to encourage the 
 boy to turn Nell into ridicule; no difficult 
 landertaking, as her foUies were so very 
 glaring. But aunt Nell was far from being 
 the only butt of the juvenile satire. The 
 plebeian Highlanders are generally acute and 
 intelligent. In that part of the country 
 .they are active, honest, and, in their religion, 
 hold a rational medium betv/een the fanati- 
 ♦cism of seceding sectaries ! and the infide- 
 lity of Painites; an infidelity, by the bye, 
 happily for them, totally unknown among 
 {the lower Scotch at the period we are re- 
 cording. The principal luxury and source 
 of excess am«ong the Highland common- 
 ahty is whisky. Not a bargain is made, 
 not a debt is paid,* except over this in- 
 
 * See the Reverend Alexander Stewart's report of 
 hh parish of Moulin, in the statistical account of Scot- 
 land, 
 
 spiring 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 71 
 
 spiring beverage. The very frequent repe- 
 titions of these Hbatlons, which even the 
 recurrence of sucli transactions, besides 
 weddings, fairs, holidays, and accidental 
 meetings, must produce, seldom fail to form 
 a habit of drinking whisky. 
 
 The Highlands of Scotland, notwith- 
 standing the disadvantages of the climate, 
 is fertile in the production of men. In no 
 countr}^ does population bear a greater pro- 
 portion to cultivated or arable ground. 
 The narrow glens and straths overflow with 
 people, of whom many descend to the 
 low countries, where their activity and en- 
 terprize, displayed in military or civil exer- 
 tions, bring to themselves honour and 
 riches, and greatly contribute to the de- 
 fence and improvement of the country. 
 Many, however, stop in those parts of the 
 plain country which are adjacent to their 
 respective districts in the Highlands, 
 There, after sojourning some time, and 
 saving some money as servants and mecha- 
 nics, they often return to settle in their 
 
 native 
 
72 DOUGLAS ; OR, 
 
 native land, their original character consi- 
 derably changed by the mixture of adventi- 
 tious notions, doctrines, and sentiments of 
 their late places of residence. Many parts 
 of the Lowlands of Scotland are infested 
 with sects of fanatics, dissenters from the 
 doctrines of the established church, under 
 the denomination of seceders* " These 
 acknowledge no earthly head of the church, 
 reject lay-patronage, and maintain the me- 
 thodist doctrines of the new birth, the new 
 light, the efficacy of grace, the insufficiency 
 cf works, and the operations of the spirit." 
 Their political principles are as absurd as 
 their religious, and, if not well watched, 
 would be very dangerous. They have im- 
 bibed the anti-monarchical and levelHng 
 doctrines of the independent fanatics of the 
 last century, and, whenever occasion offered, 
 manifested a disposition to sedition and tu- 
 mult. While more penetrating and pro- 
 
 * See Humphrey Clinker, in a letter of Jerry Mel- 
 fordj from Edinburgh, giving an account of the occu- 
 pations of his aunt Tabby Bramble. 
 
 found 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 73 
 
 found observers perceived in them the prin- 
 ■ciples of rebellion, which opportunity only 
 was wanting to call into action,* and which 
 the vigilance of government only could 
 prevent, their religious dogmata were the 
 marks, by which they were principally 
 distinguished. The difference of these, and 
 of the consequent habits and manners from 
 those of the votaries of the establishment, 
 was obvious to the most superficial observer. 
 As many of the Highland sojourners on 
 the return to their own countries imported a 
 cargo of secederism ; and as their new mode 
 did not altogether destroy the old, the mix- 
 
 * It may be objected to this description, that the 
 seceders did not join in the rebellions of 1713 nor 
 1745, but it must be remembered that the objefl of 
 that rebellion was a change of monarchy, not an abol." 
 tion of monarchy^ consequently, did not suit their Jiri?icl- 
 pies and iue\us. Of late years they have been, in 
 Scotland, the most active propagators of Paine's poli- 
 tical doctrines; and have constituted the majority of 
 seditious societies, and, among others, that of the 
 United Scotchmen, the intended imitators of the 
 United Irishmen. 
 
 VOL. I. E turc^ 
 
t I' DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 ture of secederian gloom and Highland 
 gaity and conviviality in the same character 
 formed a contrast which never failed to 
 draw upon its subjects the ridicule of the 
 observing, acute, and open mountaineers. 
 As these are generally men of very strong, 
 though not refined, humour, their strictures 
 either compel the convert of secederism to 
 abandon his cant, or to return to districts 
 more favourable to gloom, enthusiasm, hy- 
 pocrisy, fraud, repugnance to order and re- 
 gular government ; the religious, moral, and 
 political characteristics of Scotch seceders. 
 I\Ir. James Douglas had contracted a very 
 great dislike to all religionists, because, when 
 he was recruiting in a village called Augh- 
 terarder, the elders of the parish, who, 
 though professedly presbyterians, had im- 
 bibed a great portion of the austerity of the 
 swarms of seceders which over-ran that 
 neighbourhood, had given him a great deal 
 of trouble. As the seceders most severely 
 reprobate all frailties of the flesh, unless 
 
 CONFINED AMONG THE ELECT THEM- 
 SELVES, 
 
THE H1GHLAND£H. 75 
 
 SELVES, or, if extended to others, so con- 
 cealed as not to occasion any scandal, so did" 
 the elders of Aughterarder. An intrigue o£ 
 James having the usual consequence, th^se 
 persons had persecuted and harrassed him 
 until he was glad to appease their wrath by 
 the most effectual means, a round sum of 
 money. As the elders themselves were not 
 remarkable for their own personal virtue, 
 James had formed an opinion worthy of 
 such a reasoner, that all men of extraor- 
 dinary strictness and appearance of sanctity 
 were hypocrites. From this idea he, though 
 really a very good-natured man, and by no 
 means a meddler in other people's concerns, 
 became a very keen pryer into the lives and 
 conversation of all professed saints; and 
 held up to public ridicule the foibles which 
 saints possess in common with other sinners. 
 The noviciates of secederism he carefully 
 watched, and instigated young Charles to 
 expose their pretended piety. An incident 
 that happened at this time we shall relate 
 to the reader^ both as it displays the effects 
 E2 of 
 
76 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 of Charley's invention, and as it called forth 
 just and important observations from the 
 wisest and best of our hero's friends. 
 
 In a country village in Scotland, next to 
 the Laird, the Parson, the writer ('/. e. At- 
 torney) and the Schoolmaster, comes the 
 Exciseman. In the Highlands, where 
 whisky is the favourite potion, an Excise- 
 man, formerly, was a man of greater com- 
 parative consequence, as on his moderation^ 
 (-connivance,) before regular distilleries were 
 established and limited, depended the 
 cheapneas of what they emphatically term- 
 ed the xcater of life. The Exciseman of 
 Loch Castle, the adjoining parish, besides 
 his professional ability in gauging the= 
 barrels, was eminently distinguished for 
 psalmody, and was a very great amateur of 
 that species of music. A writer of very 
 extraordinary genius observes, that there is 
 as strong a moral impulse in man to 
 propagate his opinions, as a physical 
 to propagate his kind; there is also a very 
 powerful propensity in the human mind to 
 
 com- 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 77 
 
 communicate its acquirements, especially 
 while new. Never did zealot work more 
 strenuously to make converts than Mr. 
 Measurecask to make psalm singers. His 
 official capacity was of considerable use to 
 him in facilitating his purpose, as dealers in 
 whisky were disposed to oblige the gauger 
 by studying the art which he recommended. 
 His lessons, hovv'ever, w^ere not equally at- 
 tended to out of his own district. In the 
 neighbouring village of Tay Bank, his pro- 
 fessional brother, not having equal talents 
 for concerts of sacred music, another person 
 officiated as deputy professor of the art. 
 This was James INIacfarlane, a weaver, who, 
 liaving been long a journeyman in the 
 county town, had become a seceder, and 
 being now returned to his native parish was 
 renowned for long prayers and short mea- 
 sures. His prayers were generally per- 
 formed in a limie-kiln. This answered a 
 double purpose, as the kiln was near a path 
 which led to a whisky house, so he was sure 
 of being overheard by some of the nelgh- 
 ♦ E ?> bours 
 
78 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 tours resorting to their evening potations, 
 and was frequently invited to partake, while 
 •he in return for the good cheer, like the 
 worthy elder of Glasgow, in Newte's Tour, 
 ever his cups lectured on sobriety. It was 
 Eiso said that he had often private con- 
 ferences in the scene of his devotion, with 
 an Egeria^ although he did not, hke Numa, 
 boast of the nocturnal meetings. He pro- 
 bably was more of the opinion of Mr. 
 Square the philosopher, as delivered to Mr. 
 Jones in Molly Seagrim's apartment, that 
 " things are fitting to be done which are 
 not fitting to be boasted of." This holy 
 shuttle-driver, under the auspices of Mr. 
 Measurecask, betook himself to the teaching 
 of ps?imody. He had, indeed, made greater 
 progress in the art which he undertook to 
 teach, than many teachers about London 
 have done in the various branches which 
 they have professed to communicate, for he 
 actually knew something of its rudiments. 
 In a country village whatever is new 
 attracts with as much force as in a popu- 
 
 k)us 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 79 
 
 ious city. Macfarlane got together disci- 
 ples of both sexes to his evening concerts. 
 The ferryman left his hoarse roaring to 
 bellow at the Martyrs -^^ the bell-man his 
 cracked bell to quaver at St. Ann's\ the 
 blacksmith his bellows, to blow at the 
 London New. The members of the so- 
 ciety styled themselves the svvreet singers of 
 Israel. Those of the country people who 
 happened not to ht initiated^ used to ridicule 
 the sacred meetins:. After it had ^on* 
 tiaucd for some months^ a visible change la 
 «om€ of the feir.ales afforded new grounds 
 for their jokes. Had tlie long-cared animal, 
 £0 common in other countries, been equally 
 familiar to the Highlanders, they might 
 have found out a resemblance between his 
 love-notes and the devotional strains of the 
 men, especially of the leader of the band. 
 That holy person's nasal tv/ang closely re- 
 sembled the sound which heretofore caused 
 such disaster to Sancho Pancha,^ when, pre- 
 paring to be a governor^ he exhibited his 
 skill in brayin^^.. The Highlanders took 
 E "k their 
 
^O DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 their similies from objects with which they 
 were more com-ersant. They found a 
 striking similarity between the male strains, 
 and those of the husband of the flock, 
 when in the autumnal season, freed from 
 restraint, he sings his love to his destine^ 
 mate : the females, in the refinements of 
 their tones, imitated that melodious treble 
 in which the feline kind express their amor- 
 ous transports. The musical societies in- 
 creased, and became afjiUated\, their se- 
 cret COMMITTEES, howevcr, tended nei- 
 ther to revolutions nor massacres : they led 
 to the increase, not the diminution, of the 
 human race. 
 
 The young incomers paternity being a 
 point difficult to ascertain, were called the 
 children of the music. The meetings, and 
 their effects, did not escape the observation 
 of Charles, who looked on such saintship 
 as a very fair subject of ridicule. Being 
 now in the eleventh year of his age, he was 
 ambitious to rest on his own invention in 
 contriving some plan for exposing it with- 
 out 
 
THE HIGHLA^'DER. 8"I 
 
 out the assistance of his uncle. Knowing 
 the beadle to be inimical to the psalm- 
 singers, as he apprehended they were in the 
 way of becoming seceders, and so diminish- 
 ing his perquisites, Charles had recourse to 
 his ministry. The beadle, by his direction?, 
 arrayed his person, which was a very 
 tah one, in a large piece of black cloth, 
 (called a rnort cloth, from its use, being 
 thrown over coffins in their v»^ay to the 
 grave.) Over this he fastened an ox'& hide 
 and horns, an aperture of the hide was left, 
 through which a lighted pole, covered with 
 brimstone, and so burning blue, projected. 
 The cottages in the Highlands were for- 
 merly, instead of a chimnev, furnished with 
 an old cask, resembling the pitchers of the 
 Danaides ; through this cask, as the fire 
 was in the centre of the hovel, it v/as aa 
 easy n^atter to see from the top what was 
 going on in the house. .^Many of the cot- 
 tages being on the slope jof a hill v.-ere, be- 
 hind, all roof, and thatched, so that they 
 were easy of ascent. Thus any curious neigh- 
 E 5 bout 
 
82 BauGLAs; or, 
 
 bour might often have the same^priv liege as 
 the devil on two sticks heretofore imparted 
 to his friend at Madrid. One night as the 
 musical cognoscenti were assembled in 
 Macfarlane^s mansion, which was of the 
 form and position just described, Charles 
 and a comrade mounted to the chimney, 
 while the beadle waited at the door. On 
 ihe preconcerted signal, Charles, through a 
 small speaking trumpet, called out, " Mac- 
 farlane ! Macfarlane ! the devil is in search 
 of you !" This the devil confirmed with a 
 rreipendous roar. The company were all 
 confounded, and some dreadfully terrified. 
 Charles having, during their astonishment, 
 thrown down great quantities of powder of 
 brimstone, called out, *"' Macfarlane ! Mac- 
 farlane ! if you are really a saint your fire 
 will burn white, if a hypocrite, blue !" 
 Turning to the fire, the singers, t^ their 
 amazement and terror, beheld blue fiames> 
 They would have all run out, but a roar 
 more hideous than before rivetted them to 
 their places. The voice from above again 
 
 called 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 83 
 
 called out, " Ye sincere, dread not ! ye In- 
 sincere, tremble !" Poor Macfarlane shook 
 as if under the pressure of an ague fit. The 
 devil forced open the door, no difficult ef- 
 fort, as there was no lock, (which would 
 have been a very useless expence if intend- 
 ed for the security of effects,) and made lus 
 way into the apartment in which the singers 
 were assembled : not the only apartment in 
 the house, as there was a smaller one oc- 
 cupied by hogs. As the devil entered, 
 breathing fire and brimstone, Charles calls^ 
 ''Hold, devil! whoever confesses traly and 
 fully will I withhold from you." The devil 
 called, " Humph ! " as if displeased with the 
 attempt to bail out those whom he had ar- 
 rested. " Confess, in a loud voice, ye sin- 
 ners," said our hero, and leaving the trum- 
 pet, with proper directions, with another, 
 he himself being arrayed in a white garmenc, 
 made out of an old gown of his mother's, 
 and his face covered, descended to hear the 
 confession, and entered the house. " Con- 
 fess/* called the roice from above, " to this 
 E G ciessen- 
 
• S4 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 messenger, who will protect the neighbom-s 
 from the power of Belzebub." The devil 
 growlcci, and made a snatch at the black- 
 smith, whose sooty complexion resembled 
 his own, but was checked by a sharp stroke 
 irom a wliite rod from our young angel. 
 The confessions of the greater number did 
 not bring forward any guilt beyond that of 
 too great relish for the v/ater of life, and 
 some incidental frailties of the flesh. Most 
 of the younger persons, of both sexes, -ac- 
 fcnowledg;ed certain offences of such a kind 
 that one sin served two sinners, but alledged., 
 in their own vindication, Macfarlane had 
 assured tliem, that if they joined -him in 
 psalms and prayers, with their pure spirit, 
 it was of no consequence what they did 
 with their impure bodies; and that, if they 
 had faith, their works were immaterial. 
 They declared that they thought this a 
 very pleasing doctrine, as it allowed full 
 scope to their inclinations, but, when they 
 reflected, began to fear it v/as not true. 
 Macfarlane, Ixing thoroughly frightened, 
 
 entered 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. S.5 
 
 entered into a long detailed confession of 
 fraud and profligacy, which shewed hun to 
 have most completely adopted and followed 
 both the speculative and practical principles 
 of the seceders j and entirely undid his au- 
 thority among the psalmodists and other 
 neighbours. Our hero was elated with his 
 successful exposure of pretended sanctity. 
 His uncle, on hearing the whole story, 
 looked on the contrivance as a most extra- 
 ordinary effect of genius. 
 
 At this time Colonel Douglas^ who had 
 been preferred to the command of one of 
 the new regiments raised soon after the 
 capture of Burgoyne, was seldom at Tay 
 Bank, being engaged in superintending the 
 discipline of his corps while in Scotland, 
 and afterwards having accompanied it to 
 Hilsea Barracks. The old gentleman was 
 now too infirm to be able accurately to 
 observe the progress of Charles's education, 
 and the disposition and character of mJnd 
 ^vhich it had a tendency to form. Paro- 
 chial duties, which, tiaough in the decline 
 
 of 
 
86 .DOUGIAS^ OR, 
 
 of life, he still vigorously performed, 
 prevented Mr. Longhead from that close 
 attention to Charles which would have 
 been necessary to form a just estimate 
 of his mind. Satisfied with viewing 
 'the attainments of his understanding, and 
 the benevolence of his disposition, he 
 had long overlooked opinions and habits 
 which required alteration. Left chiefly to 
 the superintendance of James, ^^oung Charks 
 had imbibed two very dangerous notions, 
 1st. That the surest test of ability was the 
 power of turning others to ridicule. i?d]y. 
 That all appearance of sanctity was hypo- 
 crisy; and, therefore, that sanctity was the 
 best subject of ridicule, and that its vota- 
 ries were the best objects for the display of 
 ability. James had by no means intended 
 to give Charles these notions, but as it has 
 often been observed that fools do more 
 mischief than knaves, as they do it gratui- 
 tously, the encouragement and instruction 
 of James had really led to their formation. 
 
 In the exultation which Charles disco* 
 vered at the recital of the exposure of the 
 
 saints. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. vS7 
 
 saints, as his unck and he called it, and in 
 the discourse to which it gave occasion ^ 
 Mr, Longhead discovered the erroneous 
 and pernicious ideas of his grandson. He 
 privately mentioned them to old Mr, 
 Douglas ; and it v/as agreed between the 
 two grandfathers that it was necessary, as 
 soon as possible, to eradicate such opi- 
 ,iiions. Mr. Longhead took his grandson 
 with him for some weeks to Loch Castle ; 
 and, as the boy had a ver}^ vigorous under- 
 standing, made a considerable progress in 
 effecting the desired change. He con- 
 vinced him of the folly of concluding that, 
 because several pretenders to religion are 
 wicked, therefore, all are so : he called 
 in the boy's pride to his aid, by expressing 
 his surprize that such sense as his could 
 admit so false and feeble reasoning. With 
 respect to ridicule, he represented to him., 
 that though men of i^trong parts might 
 occasionally use that weapon, it w^as not 
 that which they most frequently employed, 
 and by which they we're most eminently 
 
 distin- 
 
SS DOUGLAS; 0R> 
 
 distinguished. That the flippant and su- 
 perficial had usua.liy a much greater in- 
 clination for ridicule than the able and 
 wise. Ridicule, he said, was the skirmish^ 
 ing of light troops,, quite inefficient against 
 the regular discipline of heavy armed forces. 
 
 Mr. Longhead saw another disadvantage 
 incurred by Charles from his situation at 
 Tay Bank ; as he was the principal per- 
 sonage at school, he had begun to form 
 over- weaning notions of his own conse- 
 quence. Mr. Longhead recommicnded a 
 more public education ; both he and the 
 old gentleman v/rote to the Colonel,, thea 
 at Edinburgh, to tliat effect, and it was 
 determined that he should be removed to 
 the capital at the expiration of the vaca- 
 tion, which was to commence in a montli. 
 
 The greater part, of the intermediate 
 time Charles spent with Mr. Longhead, 
 who not orily attended to the usual routine 
 of his education, but endeavoured to give 
 him a turn for investigation and reflection, 
 and to lay the foundation of thoae^-mpst 
 
 im.por- 
 
THE HIGHLANDER* 89 
 
 important intellectual habits of accurat'2 
 examination and induction. These lessons 
 he endeavoured to impress by easy and fa- 
 miliar instances. 
 
 " James M'Fariane," he would tell his 
 grandson, " is, I believe, a great scoundrd, 
 although he professes to be religious ; but 
 do you know the dispositions^ lives, and 
 conduct of many professors of religion ? 
 Unless you know a great many indeed, and, 
 of these, the greater number to be wicked 
 — your conclusion is rash, and> for ought 
 you know, v/rOx^.g. There's o-^ar neigh- 
 bour, over the way, he is a dunce, although 
 a Highlander. What should you think of 
 any one that reasoned so ? Mr. Thickhead, 
 a Highland dunuasel — is a dunce; there- 
 fore, all Highland gentlemen, are the same..'* 
 
 " Any one who should speak in that 
 way would speak like a fool," says Charles. 
 " Not more than one who should say that, 
 because a professor of religion was a hypo- 
 crite, all were such." 
 
 Soon after the resolution of sendins: 
 Charles from home, the old gentleman^, 
 
 who 
 
90 
 
 who had'' for some months been de- 
 clining in health, was taken extremely 
 ill. An express was dispatched to Edin- 
 burgh for the Colonel and his lady, who 
 arrived just in time to receive the dying 
 'benediction of tlie good old man. Con- 
 cerned-as they were at the expected loss of 
 their parent, they were much delighted 
 with viewing the sensibility of our hero, 
 who had an exquisite fondness, and a proud 
 admiration for him whose name he bore. 
 "When his children, and grandchildren, were 
 'assembled round Lis bed, he gave them 
 severally such appropriate exhortations as 
 he thought would be most conducive to 
 their welfare. "You, my dear little boy," he 
 said to our hero, " are a very clever, and, 
 what is better, a very good, boy. I hope, in 
 God, you will long enjoy the superintend- 
 ing care of your wise and good father, your 
 sensible and amiable mother. The dan- 
 gerous duties of his profession may prema- 
 turely deprive you of the paternal protec-. 
 tion of one of its most glorious members. 
 
 Should 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 91 
 
 Should that melancholy event take place, 
 be you, my beloved grandson, the guardian 
 of your young sister. Suffer no one to 
 hurt her ; this is the last dying request of 
 your idolizing grandfather.'* The boy, who 
 had been all the while sobbing at the idea 
 of parting with his revered gxandfather for 
 ever, at these words assumed a firm tone, 
 and with a resolute countenance cried, 
 " Suffer any one to hurt my sister ! not — " 
 said he, clenching his fist, a very strong 
 one for his age, " while I have strength 
 and life to take her part!*' A gleairi of 
 pleasure flashed across the dimm'd face of 
 the old man. At length, being nearly ex,- 
 liausted, he took hold of his admired and 
 beloved son, the Colonel. "Now, my brave, 
 my accom.phshed Charles, I am to bid you 
 a long farewel ; I am just ending a life, 
 which the contemplation of your excellence 
 has been the chief means of prolonging. 
 You will, if not prematurely snatched from 
 your friends, family, and country, arrive at 
 the head of your profession. Amidst the 
 
 honours 
 
92 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 honours which you will continue to accu- 
 mulate, you will never think it a degradation 
 to be 'my son. May your Charles be like 
 my Charles — " He would have proceeded, 
 but his strength failed ; he lived a few hours, 
 unable to speak, and expired, aged ninety, 
 in July, 1780, loved and revered by all his 
 friends, dependents, and neighbours. A 
 handsome monument was erected to his 
 memory, with an elegant inscription by the 
 Colonel ', but the remembrance of his vir- 
 tues was the most pleasing and instructive 
 monument. 
 
 gha; 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 9S 
 
 CHAP. V, 
 
 Our Hero sent to the High School of Edniburgh — 
 Description of that Seminary. — Our Hero's Pro- 
 gress. — Dispute with Master Theodore Dip, — 
 Public Examination. 
 
 OME' days after the funeral of Mr. 
 Douglas his will was examined. It be- 
 queathed the landed property, unincum- 
 bered, to the heir at law. The pecuniary 
 was equally divided among the other chil- 
 dren, after deducting legacies of three hun- 
 dred pounds each to our hero and his sister. 
 
 Mr. James Douglas, now Laird of Tay 
 Bank, wished his nephew to remain with 
 him and to be educated under his eye by a 
 private tutor. He was resolved, he said, 
 never to marry, as he was already near fifty, 
 and he did not suppose his brother in India 
 would marry more than he; that, therefore, he 
 had no doubt, but the Colonel, and, after 
 him, Charles, would be proprietor of the 
 
 estate. 
 
54 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 estate. He therefore thought that it was 
 best for Charles to be brought up on the 
 estate which would hereafter be his own. 
 The Colonel by no means coincided with 
 this reasoning, knowing that if the succes- 
 sion to the property were a certainty, insteacl 
 of a contingency, the very worst place for 
 a young man's education is home : besides, 
 although the Laird was a well-disposed 
 man, he was far from being qualified to 
 superintend the tuition of a youth; he was 
 a man of a very moderate understanding, 
 and still less learning, consequently, could 
 not judge of a charge's improvement. He 
 was, moreover, not altogether exemplary in 
 his religious principles. The severity of 
 the Aughterarder elders, before recorded, 
 had made him take a rapid stride to unbe- 
 lief. These sentiments he had concealed 
 from his father, but not from the Colonel. 
 He was furnished with all the jokes against 
 the Scriptures which the inferior classes of 
 Deists have parrotted time out of mind, 
 (and w^hich Thomas Paine has since com- 
 piled 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 95 
 
 piled to make up his Age of Reason,) such 
 as Moses's order respecting the Midianites, 
 the Deuteronomical exclusion from the con- 
 gregation of God, Sampson's foxes, David 
 and Bathsheba, the Song of Solomon, Isaiah's 
 denunciation against the folHes of women, 
 Jonas in the whale's belly, the woman that 
 was caught in the fact, Mary Magdalene and 
 her devils, Sec. 
 
 About this time James in his heresy had 
 two prompters: the first and oldest was 
 Duncan M'Gregor, who had been a gar- 
 dener with David Hume ; the second, and 
 most powerful, was, strange to tell, a preacher, 
 the Reverend William Strongbrain. This 
 Reverend Gentleman was the son of a 
 tenant to a nobleman. The Earl having 
 heard and found William to be a boy of 
 good parts, took upon himself the care 
 of his education ; destined him to the 
 clerical profession, in itself respectable, and, 
 by his Lordship, very much respected. 
 William was sent to college, where, from the 
 force of his genius he easily distinguished 
 
 himself. 
 
, 96 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 himself, although he passed a good deal of 
 his time in convivial parties, and in the com- 
 pany of the fair sex. David Hame 
 had, at this time, set the heads of the 
 young literati of Scotland a-gog after 
 infidelity. V/illiam, able as he was, did 
 not completely resist Humean principles. 
 As, however, heterodoxy was considered 
 as the most useful ingredient in a Presby- 
 terian teacher, William had the address, 
 for a considerable time, to conceal both his 
 theory and practice from his noble patron, 
 and was sufficiently cautious to abstain 
 from a confession of faith, except to those 
 ivhom he knew to have the same articles of 
 belief as him.self. The Laird and he hap- 
 pening to meet at his Lorciship^s country 
 seat, aji acquaintance com.menced, Wil- 
 liam was invited to Tay Bank. The Laird 
 was wonderfully delighted with Vv^illiam's 
 conversation, as was William with the 
 Laird's good cheer. \¥illiam had really 
 a great deal of humour, and could 
 adapt it to the taste of either able or 
 
 weak, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 97 j^ 
 
 weak, learned or unlearned, companies. 
 Though not very elegant in his figure and 
 appearance, (being much such another 
 as thick parson Thwaccum, recorded by 
 Fielding,) yet he hid a great deal of ad- 
 dress, and so long completely disgTiised his 
 foibles, as to be a favourite with almost all 
 the clerg}^ This worthy member of the 
 church of Christ completely ended any lit- 
 tle religion the Laird had left. The Laird's 
 vanity was much flattered, as, by remember- 
 ing and retailing Strongbrain's jokes, he 
 himself passed for a wit with some of the 
 country gentlemen. The Colonel took the 
 the very earliest opportunity of removing 
 his son from the constant company of the 
 Laird, and the frequent visits of his friend 
 William. We shall, for the present, take 
 our leave of these two gentlemen, hoping 
 10 meet with them again, especially with 
 .the latter (as every one must hope, who has 
 ever been in company with him,) and attend 
 cur hero. 
 
 The Colonel placed his son at the. high 
 VOL. I. F school 
 
98 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 school of Edinburgh. No seminary can 
 be better adapted to the various purposes 
 of education than that to which Charles was 
 sent. 
 
 There are five masters, the Rector and 
 four others ; each has a class for which he is 
 responsible. The several under masters 
 conduct the boys who begin the rudiments 
 until they are qualified to read Horace and 
 Livy, a proficiency which lads of ordinary 
 capacity (especially if their parents do not 
 happen to live in town, or to interrupt 
 their studies by misjudged pernicious fond- 
 ness,) attain in four years — the fifth, they 
 enter the head master's class, in which, 
 continuing tv/o years, they are fit for the 
 University. The continuance of the boys 
 under the same master for so long a time 
 in that stage of their progress in which 
 they depend most upon the teacher, tends 
 greatly to accelerate their advancement in 
 knowledge. 
 
 The same master will, from his know- 
 ledge of the talents and dispositions of his 
 
 several 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 99 
 
 several scholars, from adherence to the 
 same plan and mode of execution, alwa^-s 
 be a more useful teacher to those scholars 
 than a different master equally qualified. 
 The salaries of the masters are incon- 
 siderable, but they receive a certain sum 
 from each scholar. The number of the scho- 
 lars depends upon the merit and fame of 
 the teacher, and, to a gentleman of whorn 
 they approve, parents pay more than the 
 established quarterage. Thus the masters 
 have the most powerful motives of exertion, 
 because success promotes their own cha- 
 racter and interest. 
 
 They have an additional motive to exer- 
 tion in the tenure by which they hold 
 their places. They are chosen by the town 
 council, and are, therefore, not the servants 
 of the superior, removeable at his pleasure, 
 whilst on the one hand, the under masters 
 are exempted from that state of dependence 
 vvliich would lessen their respectabiUty with 
 the boys, and, consequently, the effect of 
 d.eir instructions; on the other, the supe- 
 F 2 rior 
 
100 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 rlor is invested with all the power necessary 
 to preserve uniformity of plan, vigorous 
 execution, and complete order. He is em- 
 powered to examine the classes of the other 
 masters whenever he judges it expedient. 
 If he sees any deficiency, to reprehend the 
 teacher privately, or, if it be considerable, to 
 report it to the Magistrates, who, if they 
 find the complaint to be just, inflict a pro- 
 pel* censure or punishment. Thus the 
 power of the superior is sufficient for the 
 attainment of the object for v/hich it is 
 intrusted to him, without being so great as 
 to enable him to follow caprice, or gratify 
 insolence. The honour and interest of the 
 Magistrates is concerned in the ability and 
 skill of the master, as leading to the welfare 
 of their own children in the goodness of 
 their education, and the advantage of the 
 city by the character of the school. The 
 masters, therefore, know that their con- 
 tinuance in their places depends upon the 
 performance of their professional duties. 
 They are not like dependent ushers, often 
 
 desirous 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 101 
 
 desirous of leaving their appointments; 
 they know they are secure while they act 
 properly, in fact, changes rarely take place. 
 Persevering in the same plan, v/isely con- 
 certed, vigorously executed, and under the 
 same directors, the boys, in a short time, 
 become excellent scholars. 
 
 Here then was our hero placed, and soon 
 displayed on a large stage that quickness of 
 apprehension, retentive memory, and vi- 
 gorous understanding, which had before 
 procured him the applause of a smaller circle. 
 He had made such proficiency under his 
 village perceptor that he was declared fit 
 for the fourth form. Fortunately for him 
 there w^ere in the same class many other 
 boys of considerable abilities and diligence, 
 which made it extremely diincult to attain 
 the first place, and to preserve it if attained. 
 To stimulate the young m^en by the de- 
 sire of public approbation and applause, 
 they are annually examined, in the pre- 
 sence of the Magistrates, Lawyers, Clergy, 
 and other Gentlemen of the first respecta- 
 F 3 bility, 
 
102 • DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 billty, in the classics, history, antiquities, 
 geography, and other important subjects 
 according to their standing. The exami- 
 nation is very strict so as to ascertain, with 
 the greatest accuracy, the various species 
 and degrees of individual, and the sum of 
 general, proficiency. The boys are ranked 
 According to their merits ; the most dis- 
 tinguished receive prizes; the captain of 
 the form is styled bux. Our hero, at 
 the first examination, was fourth dux ; at 
 the last, was first, or captain of the 
 school. 
 
 With superiority in his literary pursuits, 
 our hero w^as not contented. He excelled 
 most youths of his age in all athletic 
 exercises; at fives, leaping, wrestling, and 
 boxing, Charles was eminently skilful and 
 dexterous. This last mentioned qualifica- 
 tion he had often occasion to exert, be- 
 cause, though generous and good-natured,he 
 was irascible, and ready to vindicate his 
 own rights, or those of others inadequate 
 to the task. He was the strenuous pro- 
 tector 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 103 
 
 tector of inferiority against oppression. 
 But accurately distinguished between in- 
 feriority arising from bodily weakness, or 
 any other cause not depending on the 
 party *s ov/n will and dispositions. Cowards 
 he contemned, and never interfered in their 
 favour, unless to chastise the insolence of 
 stronger cowards, or to ward off flagrant 
 injustice. His notions of justice were so 
 exact, that he was generally chosen one of 
 the umpires for settling differences. Should 
 the party against whom the decision was 
 made complain, Charles would offer to 
 refer the question to any two other boys, 
 of known talents, for such discussions; if 
 that was not accepted he would appeal to 
 his fist, declaring he would enforce his sen- 
 tence, passed in consequence of his requested 
 interference, unless fairly reversed. 
 
 His father and mother had been absent 
 during the last year of his being at the 
 high school, and they were returned to be 
 present at the examination of their son. 
 They were charmed to find him very much 
 F 4 improved 
 
104 POUCLAS; OR, 
 
 improved in the various branches of useful 
 and ornamental education, and that the 
 vigour and gracefulness of his person cor- 
 responded with the force and elegance of 
 his mind. One day they were conversing 
 on the play ground with the head master, 
 and were receiving; from his account all the 
 pleasure which fond parents, judges of 
 education, could derive from the high pro- 
 mise of a son; when their little girl, who 
 was by them, and eagerly looking for her 
 brother, screamed out. Alarmed at her 
 cries, her parents turned about, and saw 
 Charles all covered with blood — " Good 
 heavens, my dearest boy,'* said his mother, 
 ** who has so bruised you.'* 
 
 " Nobody, mother, I am not bruised.'^' 
 *' What, Sir," called the tutor, "you 
 have been fighting. I have often warned 
 you not to be so easily provoked. But 
 come. Colonel, do not let us pre-judge the 
 cause," adding in a whisper, " my life for 
 it, Charles was not the aggressor." 
 
 Qn 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 105 
 
 On enquiry they found the case to be 
 this : there was, in a lower class than our 
 hero's, a boy of the name of Wilson, an ex- 
 cellent scholar, the son of a worthy country 
 clergyman, who had died, leaving his widow 
 and children in distressed circumstances. 
 A contest had taken place between Wilson, 
 and a very consequential young personage, 
 master Theodore Dip. Master Theodore 
 was the son of Mr. Jacob Dip, formerly a 
 tallow-chandler near the Seven Dials in 
 London, who, having made a considerable 
 fortune, was prevailed upon by his wife to 
 retire from business, and be a genunan, 
 Mrs. Dip had once been waiting maid to 
 a Scotch lady, from whom she had heard a 
 great deal in praise of Edinburgh, and took 
 it into her head that it would be the best 
 place they could fix . on for fashionable 
 society. She herself was very fond of gen* 
 tility, and had endeavoured to inspire her 
 husband v/ith the same passion, but found 
 him a most unpromising pupil. She im- 
 puted his backwardness to the \'ulgar com- 
 F 5 P^-ny 
 
106 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 pany with which he w^as in the habit of 
 associating after the fatigues of business, 
 and concluded that, by changing the scene, 
 he might change his manners. As to her 
 own behaviour and deportment she did 
 not apprehend that they required the 
 smallest alteration. She had, from the 
 time that her husband began to be inde- 
 pendent in his circumstances, dropt all 
 intercourse with her neighbours of Mon- 
 mouth and Great St. Andrew Streets, and 
 confined her intimacies to the ladies of 
 women of fashion and quality. From them 
 she derived equal knowledge of the history, 
 adventures, and manners of persons of 
 fashion and rank; as heretofore did the 
 illustrious *Squire Western, of politics, 
 from the landlord of the Hercules Pillars, 
 near Hyde Park Corner. She had greatly 
 improved herself in those airs by which 
 Waiting gentlewomen are so eminently dis- 
 tinguished, and which they and their imi- 
 tators suppose to be graces; nor was she 
 ivithout the literary improvement w^hich 
 
 may 
 
THE HIGKLAKDEK, X07- 
 
 may be attained from the company and 
 conversation of such personages. She was 
 deeply conversant in novels, and had picked 
 up some scraps of French from the Made- 
 m.oiselle Slipslops, whose visits constituted 
 her greatest delight. Her graces and ac- 
 comphshments she often displayed in the. 
 street, to the great envy of some, and ridi- 
 cule of others, of her old acquaintances,^ 
 whose strictures she professed most tho- 
 roughly to despise 3 and one day that 
 Mrs. Bark, (the lady of a gentleman of 
 Monmouth Street, distinguished for tha 
 k)ud and vehement oratory in which hs 
 daily, hourly, and minutely, recommended 
 to passengers to improve their dress,) for- 
 merly his most intimate friend, sneered and 
 tittered as she walked past their shop ia 
 company with Mrs. Secondhand. Mrs. Dip, 
 with a dignified composure, remarked to 
 her companion, that she alw^ays, instead of 
 being angry, pitied them low, iiliierate 
 creatures. 
 
 " I always, my dear Mrs. Secondhand, 
 F 6 compiUts 
 
lOa DOUGLASi OR, 
 
 computes their hehavour to their igno- 
 rance." 
 
 Edinburgh, she had often heard, was a 
 place in which there was the most gen- 
 ieelest society, and she expected that she 
 could equal Scotch ladies of fashion in 
 elegance, as she could equal many of them 
 in expence. To display, therefore, her 
 own high attainments and importance, 
 and detach Jacob from his low habits and 
 connections, she made a point of his set- 
 tling in the Caledonian capital. Mr. Dip, 
 having owed his supposed eminence exclu- 
 sively to money, considered it as almost 
 the sole source of excellence, and cherished 
 the same sentiments in his children. His 
 only son was at the high school, excessively 
 vulgar, ignorant, and, where he durst, in- 
 solent. 
 
 Our hero, who, besides his talents and 
 abilities, had the sentiments and manners 
 of a gentleman*s son, thoroughly despised 
 master Dip. He had, indeed, the feelings 
 common to Scotch Highlanders of family, 
 
 contemned 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 109 
 
 contemned opulence, when the result of 
 the meanest qualities, and connected with 
 the most vulgar habits. He had frequently 
 checked the overbearing arrogance of this 
 purse-proud plebeian. In the present case, 
 a dispute at fives between Dip and Wilson 
 was referred to Charles: he determined, 
 according to justice, in favour of Wilson. 
 Dip, enraged at this decision, going up, 
 damned Wilson for a scoundrel, in con- 
 tending, when only the son of a poor beg- 
 garly parson, and without a whole coat to 
 his back, with the son of a gentleman^ 
 who had more ready money than most of 
 the Scotch nobles i and, finally, struck 
 him. 
 
 Charles, hastily interfering, told Mr. 
 Theodore, that he was prudent in valuing 
 himself for money, as it was, and must be, 
 the only source of his distinction j that 
 neither his birth, knowledge, nor manners, 
 entitled him to the name of gentleman, 
 whereas, Wilson's did him. ** By G — d, if 
 a purse-proud illiterate blockhead, of a 
 
 low 
 
no DOITGLASj OR, 
 
 tow tradesman^ wants to puff himself oif 
 as a man of rank and consequence^ he 
 Ought to keep himself am.ong Jus own sef.y, 
 and not presume to intermingle with gentle> 
 men.'* 
 
 " You are a mean paltry fellow, in up- 
 braiding a boy of his poverty, wliich he 
 cannot help> cowardly in attacking one so- 
 much weaker than yourself, without pro- 
 vocation; and an arrant fool in supposing 
 that a just decision will be altered, because 
 it does not please you." Dip, now 
 turned to Charles his abuse, and w^as as 
 much more fiueiit^ as he was less discri^ 
 minating. A blow from Charles, was a 
 forcible answer. Dip, v/ho was two years 
 older, and a big lad, replied in the same 
 language, but not ;with equal energy. 
 
 Dip swore m.ost, Charles hit hardest, 
 and compelled him to yield, but not until 
 he had made his face all over blood, good 
 part of which was returned in grappling to 
 himself, and passed with his alarmed mother 
 for his own. The Colon^^l could not blame 
 
 a battle 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 111 
 
 a battle that had arisen from so generous a 
 motive. The Rector threatened to have 
 Dip, whose general insolence he well knew, 
 and had often punished, severely flogged, 
 but Charles and the Colonel interceded. 
 Indeed he had already received a most 
 severe drubbing. Mr. and Mrs. Dip 
 complained of the wickedness of our hera 
 for assaulting a young man of the fortune 
 of Theodore Dip, merely because he had 
 beat a boy without a six-pence, predicled 
 ill of his mionstrous notions of under- 
 valuing people of consequence, and loudly 
 censured both his father and the Rector 
 for not discouraging such ideas and prac- 
 tices. The lady of Mr. Dip was still more 
 enraged, on account of one effect of the 
 beating, it liad hindered her sweet and grace- 
 ful Theodore (a great lubberly chuckle- 
 head) from exhibiting himself at an ap- 
 proaching ball, in dancing cowtlllons with 
 his cousin, Miss .Rug, the daughter of 
 Mrs. Dip's brother, an eminent slop-seller 
 m RatchfFe Highway, who, partly by his 
 
 professiouy 
 
112 DOUGLASJ OR, 
 
 profession^ and partly by the death of a 
 rich brother-in-law, had became a top- 
 ping man ; and had sent his wife and 
 daughter to visit their friends, the Dips, 
 in Edinburgh. 
 
 Soon after this adventure the important 
 day of examination arrived. The youth" 
 were all assembled, the love of praise, and 
 fear of disappointment, striking at once 
 their throbbing hearts. 
 
 Exultantla que haurlt. 
 
 '* Corda pavor pulsans ; laudumque arrecta cupldo/' 
 
 They survey the whole company^ but 
 most anxiously consulted the countenances 
 of their masters, friends, and parents. 
 
 Lustravere.- 
 
 Consessumque oculosque suorum. 
 
 From their smiles they received, at once, 
 reward and encouragement. They under- 
 went a very rigid examination in their re- 
 spective classes, and then, as alu-ai^s, the 
 
 high 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. »1 1 3 
 
 high school scholars acquired the greatest 
 fame, both to their instructors and them- 
 selves.* In the highest class, containing 
 many bright boys, cur hero shone emi- 
 nently conspicuous. His father, mother, 
 and masters received the warm congratula- 
 tions of every one for his knowledge and 
 ability. In orjiamental accomplishments 
 he excelled in no less than in substantial 
 
 * At the high school of Edinburgh the masters are, 
 like those of our great schools in England, appointed 
 in consequence of their known preceptorial talents, 
 so that their regular and constant successes in the usual 
 course of things. Were all those, who undertake so 
 important a task, as the education of youth, to un- • 
 dergo a strict scrutiny, it would tend to render boy<;, 
 in other places as successful in their studies as they 
 are in any of our great schools. To such an exami- 
 nation many masters of private academies could have 
 no interest in objecting. I1ie only interested oppo- 
 nents would be impostors. Such a regulation, no 
 doubt, w^ould lessen the number of schools, but would, 
 in an equal proportion, increase their utility. It would 
 invite a greater number of men of conscious talents 
 and learning to the profession, when none of the pro- 
 fits were borne away by blockheads. 
 
 acquire- 
 
114 DOUGLAS; Olt, 
 
 acquirements; he could handle a foil or a 
 cudgel as ably as describe the Roman 
 mode of handling the sword j he could 
 t>ox and wresLle as skilfully as he could 
 exactly explain the lucta and the paiicra- 
 iia. He could manage a fiery steed as 
 well as give an account of the dis air sits ; 
 he had improved as fast under Mr. Al- 
 drige in the use of his limbs, as under Doc- 
 tor Adams in the use of his head. Deeply 
 conversant in ancient Greek and German 
 dances, he was no less skilled in the prac- 
 tice of tlie modern Scotch dances, and was 
 the first of his schoolfellows at the reel, 
 and hornpipe at the ball ; as he had been 
 at the examination in translating Livy's 
 account of the tripudium. 
 
 CHAP. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 115 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 The Colonel and liis Lady visit Tay Bank. — Affairs 
 there. — A Misfortune befals Mr. Strongbrain. — 
 An Examination, by a Presbytery, for Inconti- 
 nence. — Description of Charles Rhodomantade^t 
 Esq. of R6jue Place.— Some Words concerning 
 Fidion. 
 
 A HE Laird still continued a bachelor* 
 Miss Nell, as usual, superintended his do- 
 mestic affairs. He had become a great 
 farmer, and almost every forenoon was oc- 
 cupied in over-seeing his labourers. In 
 the afternoon he generally bestowed an 
 hour or two in field sports, and the even- 
 ing he devoted to his bottle, of which he 
 was become extremely fond. He gene- 
 rally made an alehouse in the village the 
 scene of his potations in preference to his 
 own house, in order to avoid NelFs elo- 
 quence, which was never more powerfully 
 exerted than against ike . beastli/ sin of 
 drwikeimess, 
 
 James 
 
116 
 
 James had, a year or two before, been 
 deprived of his ingenious, able, and agree- 
 able friend, Strongbrain. 
 
 The nobleman who had patronized that 
 gentlem.an in his youth, although he meant 
 well, did not take the steps which would 
 have rendered such a mind as his most 
 beneficial to himself and to society. The 
 good Lord was a pious man, very much 
 attached to the clergy, and had a great re- 
 spect for that body. In destining William to 
 be one of the members, he intended to 
 place him in what he conceived the situa- 
 tion most fitted for his talents and charac- 
 ter. Unfortunately he was mistaken. 
 William was, by nature, best adapted for a 
 situation in which advancement should 
 follow ability. Had his patron educated 
 him for the Scottish bar, he might, and 
 most probably would, have risen to be at 
 its head ; and would have not only, by his 
 quickness, acuteness, and strength of un- 
 derstanding, together with the most reten- 
 tive m.emory, comprehended all the varie- 
 ties 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 117 
 
 ties of law and decision, and perceived 
 their bearings in any given case, but through 
 the details of statute, decree, and custom, 
 would have risen to the philosophy of juris- 
 prudence. 
 
 Sed dis alitcr visum. 
 
 Had abihties as certainly tended to ag- 
 grandize their possessor in the church of 
 Scotland as in the law, his character, dis- 
 positions, and habits were by no means so 
 fitted for the one as the other. William 
 was not only of a very convivial turn, but 
 addicted to pleasure and dissipation. He 
 might, notwithstanding these foibles, have 
 risen in the Scotch law, but m.ust be de- 
 graded in the Scotch church. A man, 
 without being scrupulously chaste, may, 
 perhaps, rise to be Lord Chancellor of 
 England, but dont let him aspire to be 
 moderator of the Presbytery of Auchter- 
 arder.* William was presented to a living 
 
 in 
 
 * We particularly mention that presbytery on the 
 atitliority of that very able and entertaining work, 
 
 Newte's 
 
lis DOUGLASj OR, 
 
 in a Presbyter}^ equally distinguished for 
 the presence of rigour, and the absence of 
 
 ability, 
 
 Newte's Tour; the Captain describes the persecuting 
 spirit of the ministers there, in such terms thatwe suspe6l 
 the describer's chastity has undergone their animadver- 
 sion, as William Strongbrain's did. Captain Nevvte, 
 however, allows them to have been indulgent to pers'jns 
 of their own precise mode of faith. The passage, a^ 
 exhibiting the puritanical charader, in two of its 
 features, fanaticism and hypocrisy, we cannot help 
 transcribing : — 
 
 " In the end of the last, and the beginning of the 
 present, century, when the doctrines of the Kirk of 
 Scotland, one would imagine, were sufficiently puri- 
 tanical, the Presbytery of Auchterarder thought it 
 iiecessary to form an Antimonian Creed, for them- 
 selves, as being a peculiar people, zealous, not of 
 good works, but of mysterious faith. With regard to 
 matters of discipline, in which they were, and still 
 are, rigid to excess, except to those whom they con- 
 sider as being in the faith, and firm in opposing lay- 
 patronage; the frailty tl)at excites their severest in- 
 dignation and vengeance is fornication. It is a fact, 
 that in most of the Kirks there is a small gallery, fit 
 to contain about half a dozen of persons, and painted 
 l^lack, placed in an elevated situation, near the roof 
 of the church, which they call the Cutty-stool, and 
 
 OP. 
 
 4 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 119 
 
 ability, and in both respects the very worst 
 of which he could have become a member. 
 Some of his co-presbyters regarded, with 
 bitter envy, talents so infinitely superior to 
 their own. Besides, William, though far 
 from being assuming when in the full use 
 of his faculties, yet, when he happened to 
 be elevated with wine, which was not un* 
 frequently the case, was rather tyrannical 
 in oppressing dunces with the weight of 
 his knowledge and genius, and cruel in 
 
 on which offenders against chastity arc forced to sit, 
 during the time of divine service, for three Sundays, 
 making profession of their repentance, and receive ^ 
 rebuke from thj2 minister in the face of the congre- 
 gation. Tlie horrid shame of the Cutty-stool often 
 drives unfortunate females to commit the crime of 
 fhild murder. It has been remarked, that such of the 
 clergy as are the least strid in their own private 
 lives, are often the severest in their censure of 
 backsliders in public: and, on the contrary, that 
 those are the most liberal and tender in the admini- 
 stration of public discipline, who, in their own pri- 
 vate lives, are the most distinguished by purity, and 
 simplicity of manners."" — Newte'sTour, p. 251. 
 
 mowing 
 
120 DOUGLAS i OR5 
 
 mowing down, with the tomahawk of his 
 wit, those for w^iom a gentle j)at from such 
 an arm might have sufficed. Whoever 
 abuses the talents of a dunce, commits 
 against the said dunce's dignity an unpar- 
 donable oifence. Envy and resentment 
 imbittered each other ; nor did William's 
 inattention to appearances leave them 
 without the supposed means of gratifica- 
 tion. 
 
 William being a bachelor, chose for the 
 manager of his affairs one Margery Mitchel, 
 a very comely buxom girl. She was what 
 is called in Scotland, a sonsj/ lass, that is, 
 en ton point — a species of charms to 
 which William had often declared him- 
 self very partial. As William had been 
 more than once seen saluting the lips of 
 the fair Margery, a report arose to tlie 
 prejudice of the minister's chastity ; a re- 
 port, in the language of kirk courts, styled 
 Jama clamosa. The Presbytery hearing 
 of this rumour, applied to the elders, a 
 class of lay-members of the church of 
 
 Scotland, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 121 
 
 Scotland, one of whose functions it is to 
 discover and disclose the frailties of their 
 brethren ; and especially to watch the pro- 
 gress of fornication. These worthy persons 
 being set on the scent, by their sagacity 
 found out that Margery^^s shape was get- 
 ting beyond its usual corpulence. They 
 made their report to the Presbyteiy, and 
 added, that, having questioned her respect- 
 ing the cause, and expounded to her the 
 heniousness of the cn'?7ie, she still conti- 
 nued coiitiiinaacious. She at length ap - 
 peared before the Presbytery with an 
 answer prepared for the occasion. 
 
 The Presbytery being met and duly con- 
 stituted by prayer, the Reverend Mr. 
 Setter arose and made a very pathetic 
 speech on the sins of the present genera^ 
 tion, especially in the article of skuldud- 
 dcry\* recited, with a most minute circum- 
 stantiality that shewed him to have paid 
 particular attention to the cases, the many 
 
 * Attachment to the fair sex. See Ke\vtc's Tour. 
 VOL. I. G instances 
 
122 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 instances that had come within the cogni- 
 zance of that Presbytery ; proceeded to in- 
 terrogate Margery concerning iier accom- 
 plice in her enormous wickedness. She, 
 according to the custom long sanctioned 
 by females in her predicament, declared, 
 W4th tears in her eyes, it was her misfor- 
 tune instead of her fault, and owing to a 
 stranger whom she had met in a wood. 
 The members were too expert at the chace 
 to be thrown out by such a common dou- 
 ble. Mr. Setter, who, indeed, might be 
 regarded as the huntsman of the party, gave 
 his disciplined hounds the right direction. 
 He himself; in his usual way, lest his lamen- 
 tation for prevailing wickedness might 
 overwhelm the hearers with grief, mingled 
 them with facetious and delicate jokes. 
 But when, neither his serious exhortation 
 fior his w4t made the desired impression 
 on Margery, he, according to the forms, 
 and in the words of the Presbytery, moved, 
 " that, v/hereas the said Margery Mitchel 
 continued contumaadous, that a committee 
 
 should 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 123 
 
 should be appointed to deal privately with 
 her, to bring her to confession in such 
 a way as might tend to edificatio?!*^' 
 Mr. Setter, was, agreeably to custom, his 
 own desire, and expectation, the first no- 
 minated. Margery being hard pressed by 
 the urgent endeavours of Mr. Setter, at last 
 promised compliance, if they would allow 
 her only to the next day to consult the 
 other party concerned. This Setter granted 
 with much joy, and returned to the Pres- 
 bytery, exulting in the impending disco- 
 very. The meeting was adjourned until 
 the time appointed. The evening was 
 passed in abuse of patronage, and of Dr. 
 Robertson, and in comparing notes on the 
 various acts of incontinence that were 
 going on in their respective parishes, a dis- 
 course, no doubt, tending greatly to edifi- 
 
 * This remainder of the puritanical cant still con- 
 tinues in some fanatical districts in Scotland, however 
 much the enlightened understandings, and liberal sen* 
 timents, of the majority of that respectable body of 
 clergy may wish to discourage it. 
 
 G 2 cation. 
 
I24r DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 cation. The next day they met, eager to 
 be in at the death of the hare, when lo ! 
 how frail are the hopes of men! it was 
 found puss had given the huntsman a dodge 
 and had stolen away. The real fact was 
 this, William, till two days before, had not 
 been able to raise the supplies; but as soon 
 as he was in cash, sent for a post-chaise to a 
 borough about twenty miles off, and con- 
 certed with Margery to meet the carriage 
 at the Presbytery seat, and to appear be - 
 fore the reverend body, so as ^ to elude 
 suspicion, and to prevent m.eans being used 
 to stop her departure. The chaise arriving, 
 she set off at midnight, got away to Edin- 
 burgh, and thence to Berwick, out of the 
 reach of Kirk judicatures. Although now 
 no evidence could be adduced against 
 William's continence, yet he found himself 
 universally' suspected, and much reprobated 
 by the zealous inhabitants of that district. 
 Finding himself disagreeably situated, he 
 left his parish and set out for London, a 
 scene much fitter for his abilities than that 
 
 which 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 125 
 
 which he had left. There we shall for the 
 present leave him, and may, perhaps, again 
 foil in with him in the course of our nar- 
 rative. 
 
 Although it might have been difficult for 
 the Laird to find a competitor of the wit 
 and 2:enius of Stron2;brain, yet it was not a 
 hard task to find one who loved his bottle 
 just as well. A substitute for Mr. Strong- 
 brain, James believed he found in a gentle- 
 man who was lately returned from abroad 
 to a small estate, about a mile up the 
 river, from the village of Tay Bank, called 
 Rogue Place, which he inherited from a 
 long line of ancestors. Mr. Rhodomon- 
 tade, the proprietor of Rogue Place, had 
 not long been returned to the seat of these 
 forefathers, of whom he was not a degene- 
 rate descendant,, when he ingratiated him- 
 self with the Laird, who himself, honest, 
 but very far from discerning, very easily 
 believed men to be w^hat they professed. 
 He conceived he had found in Rhodom.on- 
 tade another Strongbrain, as he w\as a jolly 
 G 3 cock, 
 
126 DOTGLAS; OR, 
 
 cock, had many comical jokes, and fine 
 stories. He had, beside, been a traveller, 
 consequently, (the Laird concluded,) knew 
 the world. He was also an excellent hand 
 at making punch, the Laird's favourite 
 beverage i knew the exact time and right 
 mode of bottling ale, and was a connois- 
 seur in corks. To use the Laird's v»-ords, 
 he was a most wonderful man, knew every 
 thing, and had met with most amazing ad- 
 ventures j to be sure he would stretch a 
 little, but was very droll and very witty, 
 and was a most choice companion. The 
 truth is, Mr. Rhodomontade used a privi- 
 iedge which, without being claimed, has 
 been time immemorial exerted by travel^ 
 lers ; that of describing things not as they 
 are, but as the describer chooses them to ap- 
 pear. This mode of description is replete 
 with advantage, for whereas, to exhibit 
 real objects, requires intellect to examine 
 and understand them, beyond what many 
 traveller's really can afford to bestow, to 
 exhibit things as one would have them to 
 
 appear^ 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 127 
 
 appear, requires very little capacity, and is, 
 therefore, more fitted for general use. To 
 mark the government, laws, manners, and 
 customs of a countr}% to see their tendency, 
 and discuss their merit ; to discover and 
 shew how far they deserve to be, and can be, 
 imitated in any existing circumstances, 
 how, and to what extent, is not the busi- 
 ness of an ordinary mind. To feign a 
 parcel of chimerical stories ; to describe 
 exploits either incredible, or of no con- 
 sequence whether they happened or not, 
 being illustrative of no important physi- 
 cal, or mioral truth j to string together a 
 number of extravasiant adventures as hav- 
 ing occurred in a country with which the 
 hearers have no intercourse, and if they 
 had, could hear nothing of such a person- 
 age, is within the capacity of the dullest 
 of mortals. Besides, by adhering to unac- 
 commodating facts, an ordinary traveller 
 has very few opportunities of celebrating 
 his own atchievements, and the very high 
 honours that have been conferred on him 
 G4 by 
 
128 DOUGLAb; OR, 
 
 by Grandees and Princes. Fiction flexible 
 and comj)liant can create splendid and 
 v.'onderfui exploits, without the trouble of 
 performance ; can overcome bands of rob- 
 ^bers, without encountering them; can, by 
 courage and prowess, rescue one from the 
 daggers of Italian bravoes, who has never 
 been south of Shooter's Hill, can deliver 
 him from the machinations of a jealous 
 husband's enraged father and brothers, who 
 have never existed. Fiction performs on 
 ordinary travellers as marvellous trans- 
 formations as any of those which she ex- 
 ecuted on the nymphs, swains, heroines, 
 and heroes, sung by Ovid. The meta- 
 morphoses of Ovid leave the subjects 
 much worse than they found them., of 
 modern travellers better. A fine lady 
 changed into a spider, a cow, or a bear, is, 
 no doubt, a great diminution of the lady's 
 rank and quality, A private gentleman 
 without either parts or knowledge, at one 
 bounce m.etamorphosed into the counsellor 
 of a King, or an Emperor, is a great in- 
 crease 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 129 
 
 crease of the gentleman's importance. In 
 point of probability, the metamorphoses cf 
 Ovid and of m^odern travellers, the change 
 of a lady into a log, or, if a log, into the 
 director of an empire, are nearly on a foot- 
 ing. We may observe, that extravagant 
 fictions are miich better fitted for narrow 
 capacities than probable. The latter pre- 
 supposes a knowledge of nature and actual 
 existence, consequently, observation and 
 judgement. In the former, neither of these 
 is in the smallest degree necessary. To 
 compose a Roderick Random^ a Tom 
 Jones, a Cecilia, to drav/ an AUworthy, a 
 Sophia, a Cecilia, a Mrs. Delville, a * Squire 
 Western, a Strap, a Partridge, an old Del- 
 ville, a Hobson, a Briggs, a Mrs. Belfield, 
 a Roderick Random, a Jones, a Mor- 
 timer, a Belfield, a BUfil, a Monkton, to 
 shew wisdom, integrity, goodness; indiscre- 
 tion andioUy ; simpHcity, vulgarity, and ig- 
 norance, prejudice and weakness f malignity^, 
 and villainy in different ages and circum-^ 
 stances compounded and modified as they 
 G 5 are 
 
130 TXOXJGLAS; 0R>. 
 
 are found in society, is the prerogative of 
 genius. To describe an Aladin pursuing 
 an eloped palace, Grandees feasting on live 
 cattle, Amadis, the Gaul, vanquishing 
 giants, men of understanding believe them- 
 selves beset by devils and hobgoblins, re- 
 quires merely a fancy that can proceed on 
 without any regard to truth, nature, or 
 probability.. Fielding observes that, to 
 compose one sort of romances, requires 
 only pen, ink, and paper, and. the capacity 
 of using them, as no knowledge of books, 
 or any object actually existing is necessary, 
 nor indeed useful to groove them. — Pace 
 taut I viri, we are afraid some modern 
 romance writers have understood him too 
 literally. One book we conceive (not in- 
 deed, necessary, as many novels are written, 
 without any knowledge of orthography, 
 but) useful, that is Entick's spelling. Dic- 
 tionary. 
 
 As to the advantages of extravagant 
 fictions, modern romance writers have 
 very skilfully availed themselves. Of Ce- 
 cilia 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 131 
 
 cilia we have only one — Emmeline, 
 few — devils, ghosts, and haunted castles, 
 we have in abundance. — Fictions, imitating 
 nature and truth, clothe themselves in the 
 .language expressing these — fictions, de- 
 parting from them., depart also from the 
 language commonly called English, and 
 strike into words and constru6lions as new 
 as the story, boldly soaring above ortho- 
 graphy, etymology, and syntax, as much 
 as above probability, truth, and reason. 
 Modern romances, as they equal Ovid's"" 
 Metam.orphoses in wonderfulness, exceed' 
 him in consistency. Ovid does not uni- 
 formly deal in the m.arvellous ; his storie:? 
 that end in transformations abound in just 
 sentiments and good sense. The body is 
 natural, the tail only unnatural. Every 
 circumstance in the story of Pyramus and 
 Thisbe might have happened, except the 
 blackening of the mulberries by their 
 blood. — Every word in the contest of Ajax 
 and Ulysses might have been spoken as it 
 was natural for the characters in the cir- 
 G 6 cum- 
 
1S2 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 cumstances described; the change of a man 
 into a flower was the only thing that could 
 not be believed to have happened. Ovid in 
 these, and many other instances, is grossly 
 inconsistent in his mixture of the purely 
 marvellous with the probable. Modern 
 romances are perfectly consistent, as they 
 exclude probability, not sometimes, but 
 always, and as all their fictions are such as 
 (to use Hume'^s definition of a miracle) 
 never happened in any age or country. 
 Not parts, like Ovid, but the whole, is 
 such as, until there be a total metamor- 
 phosis of physical and moral nature, never 
 could nor can happen. 
 
 Mr. Rhodomontade tried fiction in every 
 way to which his capacity was adequate ; 
 and, had he published his travels and ad- 
 ventures, they would have made several 
 folio volumes, equally authentic and in- 
 structive with miany travels Vvhich have 
 appeared in print > and more probable than 
 most of our modern romances. 
 
 In his early youth he had been engaged 
 
 with 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. IS? 
 
 with the young Chevalier, and had distin- 
 guished himself by his indefatigable efforts. 
 The morning of the battle of Culloden he 
 was unfortunately taken ill, which pre- 
 vented him from signalizuig himself. When 
 the battle was over, providentially recover- 
 ing, he retreated with great expedition, but 
 was, as he himself bore testimony, over- 
 taken by four English dragoons, drafted 
 from the very stoutest m.en of the horse 
 grenadier guards, who attacked him. He 
 fought and conquered, and, killing two, and 
 putting the other two to flight, continued 
 his journey. A great price had, he said, 
 been set on his head by government, on 
 account of the eminent services he had 
 rendered the rebels by his courage and 
 wisdom. He was, therefore, compelled to 
 leave the country, and, like Coriolanus, was 
 necessitated to turn his virtues against the 
 land of his nativity. He entered into the 
 serv-ice of France, (others say of a French- 
 man,) became ver}- intimate with Mar- 
 ::hal Saxe, and was one of the chief causes 
 
 of 
 
134 DOUGLAS,- OR, 
 
 of tlie victory at Val, but felt much remorse 
 for having, with his own hand, killed many 
 of his countrymen. He afterwards v/ent 
 to Paris, where he was introduced at Court, 
 and became a most distinguished favourite 
 with Madame Fnmpa(looi\ but was ob- 
 liged to leave the French capital for an 
 affair of honour with a Prince of the blood. 
 Trusting to the influence of a young Eng- 
 lish Duke, with whom he had become a 
 great favourite, by having saved him from 
 a gang of robbers in a bagnio, he ventured 
 to London, and through that nobleman 
 procured a pardon. He spent his time 
 very pleasantly v;ith the first of the nobi- 
 lity and their wives, sisters, and daughters^ 
 Wherever he w^ent he was sure to excite 
 love and jealousy. The effects of a young 
 lady of quahty's passion becoming visible, 
 he decamped privately, and set sail for the 
 West Indies. 
 
 Other historians vary a little from this 
 account ; and, though they admit his zeal, 
 yet confine its exertions to the moveables 
 
 of 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 135 
 
 of the enemy. According to them he 
 jouied the Chevaher soon after the battle 
 of Gladsmuk; and, during the blockade 
 of Edmburgh Castle, his active mind dis- 
 liking stationary employment, he made an 
 incursion into Tweedale, and was veiy suc- 
 cessful against the enemy's sheep. For 
 such expeditions he was, indeed, admirably 
 qualified, having often amused himself with 
 them in his boyish days. — Wisely consi- 
 dering money as the sinew of war, he was 
 one of the first in every expedition to 
 search for that, but knowing his own value, 
 had the patriotism to restrain his efforts 
 when likely to endanger his precious life. 
 These historians say, that his reason for 
 leaving Paris was not an affair of honour 
 with a Prince, but of dishonour with a 
 tailor. They add, that the lady of qua- 
 lity whom he brought into the situation 
 above-mentioned was a young lady, who 
 was such a friend to the virtue of cleanli- 
 ness, that she employed her utmost exer- 
 tions that gentlemen and ladies might be 
 
 accom- 
 
156 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 accommodated with clean linen; that the 
 noblemen whose resent m.ent he washed to 
 avoid were men in office in a street near 
 Covent Garden. According to them Mr. 
 Rhodomontade had displayed several strokes 
 of genius in that species of politics since 
 distinguished by the name of swindhng. 
 His fame was such, that a certain eminent 
 Magistrate wished for the pleasure of his 
 company. He being a modest m.an chose 
 to decline the honour of his Worship's 
 notice, and withdrew. So Uttle, indeed, 
 was he desirous of notice, that he even 
 departed without a formal leave of his 
 landlord. 
 
 Whether the account of Mr. Rhodo- 
 montade concerning himself, or that of 
 others respecting him be the truer, we shall 
 not, at present, determine. 
 
 In the West Indies Mr. Rhodomontade 
 had married a widow, as he said, of dis- 
 tinction ; she had lived, indeed, in a pub- 
 lic capacity, and was eminent for her skill 
 in making punch. Beauty was not, w^e 
 
 mav 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 157 
 
 may fairly venture to assert, Mrs.' Rhodo- 
 montade's chief accomplishment, since be- 
 isides the quahfication just mentioned, she 
 was a dexterous cook. She was short, 
 squat, and tawny, with Httle fier}^ eyes, 
 low forehead, flat nose, and thick Ups. 
 She was, except in the articles of swearing 
 and scolding, a very pleasant woman, and 
 was, moreover, a very dutiful wife, as she 
 always vouched for the truth of her hus- 
 band's stories. Being now a lady, she as- 
 sumed the airs she thought becoming one, 
 and passed with some of her country neigh- 
 bours as a pattern for sense and breeding. 
 Rhodomontade, himself, great as had been 
 his success among the ladies, was by no 
 means eminent for the beauty of his face 
 or person. His head v/as round, like ji 
 bullet, his nose was uncommonly large, 
 especially about the nostrils, which re- 
 sembled the aperture of mill-doors, sepa- 
 rated by a post. The colour was deep red ; 
 his mouth extended alm.ost to his ears, 
 graced by a lower lip which formed a pro- 
 montory 
 
138 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 montory by the capacious bay. His coun- 
 tenance expressed, at once, sneaking and 
 assurance. He was a tall man, short 
 necked, round shouldered, his legs, as he 
 stood, made two sides of an isosceles tri- 
 angle, the angle subtending, the base being 
 formed by his knees. This worthy and 
 accomphshed couple had a large bouncing 
 daughter, who,, on the score of having been 
 abroad, was looked upon by many as a fine 
 lady, and as wonderfully sensible and learn- 
 ed. This last qualification she got credi-t 
 for by her accurate knowledge of the his- 
 tories of Rome and England, abridged, by 
 question and answer. She got much renown 
 by proving, beyond dispute, in a large com- 
 pany, that Laud was Archbishop in the 
 reign of Charles I. and even, from memory, 
 quoted the question to which Laud*s ad- 
 ventures were part of the answer. In her 
 other acquirements and accomplishments 
 she partook both of her mamma and papa, 
 or, as she pronounced, for the more elegance, 
 papay and mammay. She was a most ex- 
 cellent 
 
THE HIGHLAK^DER. 159 
 
 cellent cook, of a warm temper, and de- 
 lighted in fiction. Rhodomontade, and 
 
 all the family, were very desirous of ren- 
 dering themselves agreeable to the Laird. 
 They had, indeed, taken a great fancy to 
 his estate, which they thought would be a 
 very desirable acquisition to Miss Molly. 
 They also paid their court to Miss Nell, 
 conceiving; that she might be of use in 
 promoting their project. Rhodomontade 
 supported every observation made by the 
 Laird, and illustrated it by some occur- 
 rence which he had met with in the course 
 of his travels, he praised his mode of 
 farming, which he averred to be precisely 
 the same as that of his good friend Conde, 
 at Chantilly, that the Laird's mode of 
 making punch, v;as that which his friend 
 Eglington liked, and that his conversation 
 reminded him of that of his worthy and 
 lamented friend Charles Townsend. 
 
 " To be sure,** (he would say,.) 
 *' Laird, you are a little of a rake, hke 
 my old friend Sandwich, but all clever 
 
 fellou;- 
 
140 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 felloivs is the same. Damme, old Jack 
 wears well, many a hard bout we two have 
 had. I once gained a rump and dozen,, 
 by drinking four bottles of port, after I 
 had, at glass for glass, laid him under the 
 table. Oh, G — d ! we shall never see 
 such days as we have seen. He and I,. 
 cleared a dozen of bullies, who had as- 
 saulted us in mother Douglas's. My good 
 friend Harry Fielding,. I remember, he, you 
 know, that wrote Don Quixote, was justice 
 at Bow Street, and read us a severe lecture. 
 Billy Murray, I remember,, bailed us, he 
 that is now Lord Mansheld.'* 
 
 " By G — d. Laird, old Fielding would 
 have delighted you, his humour and your's, 
 would have hit to a-7V' 
 
 " Fielding, I have heard of him,** the 
 Laird would reply. 
 
 ** I believe he wrote Tom Jones, and 
 the Peerage, two good books ? Yes, yes, 
 he did, he consulted with me about the 
 publication." 
 
 Mrs. Rliodomantade joined In her hus- 
 band's 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 14! 
 
 band's endeavour to win the Laird, by 
 praising his understanding, studying 
 his taste and palate. Miss danced with 
 him, sang -with him, romped with him, 
 in short, shewed she would do any thing 
 to secure his good graces. The honest 
 Laird began to receive the impression Miss 
 meant to make, but having lived so long 
 a bachelor, was averse from marriage, there- 
 fore avoided any avowal, and even tried 
 to get the better of his inclination. Mr. 
 Wiseman, clergyman of Tay Bank, soon 
 discovered the design of the RhodomxOn- 
 tades, and as he had a great regard for 
 the Laird, and perfectly comprehended 
 the character of the others, he determined 
 to oppose it. He consulted with Mr. 
 Longhead, who disliked Rhodomontade 
 still more than he did. They both agreed 
 to tell their suspicions and the grounds to 
 the Colonel, w^ho was to be in the country 
 soon, and meamvhile endeavoured in- 
 directly to shew the Rhodomontades to 
 the Laird in their true colour. The Rho- 
 domontades 
 
142 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 domontades, in their siege of the Laird's 
 affections, tried sap as well as assault. 
 Tliey saw that the habit of living a ba- 
 chelor had raised a strong bastion in the 
 fortress of his heart against marriage ap- 
 proaches. 
 
 Miss Nell, though she often teazed and 
 vexed the Laird, had a much greater in- 
 fluence with him than he himself knew. Jj 
 Her opinion had great weight with him, ■ 
 when it did not contradi(ft any of his own 
 notions, or interfere with his own pur- 
 suits. Ke himself had often told Rhodo- 
 mantade that, except in dram drinking, 
 scolding, and religion, Nell was, on the 
 whole, not much amiss. She had, indeed, 
 endeavoured as she now advanced in years 
 to avoid any refledion on the Laird's 
 ■parts^ (the chief source of their former quar- 
 rels,) as she thought her chance of inde- 
 pendence was becoming less, and, there- 
 fore, it was less and less her interest to 
 irritate him. Her admonitions she gene-^ _, 
 rally confined to his drinking, and his im-, | 
 
 piety, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 113 
 
 piety, charges, the Laird regarded less. 
 She would also frequently harangue on his 
 indulgence to tenants, whom the Laird 
 was not so rigorous in pressing for rent as 
 Nell thought he ought to be. 
 
 Such admonitions, James considered as 
 flowing, in a great degree, from zeal for 
 his interest, not that he failed to ascribe 
 to her bacchanalian orgies their share of 
 the eloquence. The Rhodomontades ob- 
 serving the influence of Nell, pitched on 
 her as their miner. They bestowed much 
 labour and address on the cultivation of 
 her good graces. Rhodomontade soon 
 became a very great favourite with Miss 
 Nell. That good lady, as we have before 
 hinted, took great delight in the demo- 
 lition of reputations. The worthy pro- 
 prietor of Rogue Place brought her intel- 
 ligence concerning the frailties in the 
 neighbourhood: what lasses had been 
 seen in woods with fellows, what bastards 
 were likely to appear, what married wo- 
 men were going astray, what husbands 
 
 and 
 
144 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 and wives fought, what men or women got 
 drunk, Rhodomontade knew as well as 
 any gossip in the country, and where his 
 indefatigable industry failed .of success in 
 learning facts, he supplied the want by 
 invention. He also found means to pass 
 for a wit. He was a great adept at what 
 are called practical jokes, such as mixing 
 whisky slyly with ale, skimming punch to 
 make one of the company drunk, tying 
 wigs to chairs, that the wearer might rise 
 with a bald pate, and other instances of 
 that sort of wit which a nimble hand may 
 produce. By his talents and qualifications 
 Rhodomontade passed for a miracle of 
 pleasantry and cleverness with Miss Nell. 
 He also professed very great admiration of 
 her, and declared every time he left her he 
 went away a wiser and better man, which, in- 
 deed, was not difficult. Mrs^. Rhodomon- 
 tade and Miss, though often proud and 
 im.perlous, behaved to Miss Douglas with 
 the most submissive deference, praised her 
 conduct, her opinions, her favourites, va- 
 1 ' rying 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 145 
 
 lying as these varied, repeated her sa3'ings, 
 abused all she abused-, and affected to con- 
 sult her on every thing they undertook, 
 and to be regulated by her judgement, and 
 gained such favour, that she often declared 
 she had never known any gentleman or 
 ladies of such sense and knowledge, and 
 who could discern merit so clearly, and 
 value it so highly. Without discovering 
 fhei?^ projed, she had formed the same her- 
 t^clf. Miss Rhodom,ontade would, she 
 thought, make an excellent wife for the 
 Laird, and would be entirely under her 
 direction, and thus that affairs at Tay 
 Bank would go more than ever to her mind. 
 Beside^, she thought, by this connection, she 
 might be aVjle to lessen the regard the Laird 
 had for the Colonel and his family. She 
 often expressed to her brother the pleasure 
 ir would give her to see him married to 
 Miss Rhodomontade, and urged him to 
 make proposals. He concurred in Miss's 
 praises, but declared he would never marry, 
 a declaration his sister bad the satisfa&ion 
 voj,. I. H to 
 
1 it) DOUGLAS ; OR, 
 
 to see was made more and more feebly every 
 day. 
 
 In this state were affairs when the Colonel 
 and his family arrived at Tay Bank. The 
 Laird was much delighted with his nephew, 
 and heard, with great pleasure, of the pro- 
 gress he had made at school, for, though 
 no scholar himself, he was an admirer of 
 learning. He catechized young Charles on 
 the various pranks he had played, and 
 battles he had fought, and heard the details 
 with infinite satisfaction. Rhodomontade 
 professed to be equally charmed. Miss 
 declared she thought there was a striking 
 resemblance between the uncle and the 
 nephew, in appearance and manners, an 
 observation in which her mamma con- 
 curred, crediting Miss Nell with a share 
 in the likeness. Meanwhile, Rhodo- 
 montade was active in endeavouring to in- 
 gratiate himself with the Colonel, but with 
 little success. The Colonel who had seen 
 him before, and heard some anecdotes of 
 him, was by no means prepossessed in his 
 
 favour. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 147 
 
 favour. Nor did his opinion of his merits 
 increase on more frequent intercourse. As 
 the Rhodomontades employed only the 
 gross artifice, which could dupe weakness, 
 not tlie refined policy which might impose 
 on sound understandings, the Colonel 
 and his lady soon saw the design of the 
 Rogue-Place family. Mr. Longhead also 
 told them, that Mr. Wiseman had, for some 
 time, seen the plan of drawing the Laird 
 into a connection in every view improper. 
 They agreed that it would be better to 
 detach him from that family, by giving him 
 just notions of it, than by formally repre- 
 senting to him either their designs or de- 
 merits. Their strictures, they reasonably 
 concluded, would have greater weight, if 
 they appeared accidental, and not directed 
 to any object. The Colonel deported him- 
 self to Rliodomontade politely, though with 
 a coldness which seldom appeared in his 
 behaviour. He did not seem to enjoy the 
 recital of his adventures, nor to be amused 
 with his jokes, and evidently disapproved 
 H2 ot 
 
148 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 of the intelligence with which he regaled 
 Miss Nell. The Laird was at first amazed 
 that his brother did not relish Mr. Rhodo- 
 montade, but at last concluded Mr. Long- 
 head, who he knew disliked the proprietor 
 of Rogue-Place, had prejudiced the Colonel 
 against his worthy friend. He one day- 
 spoke to his brother on that supposition. 
 " Colonel," said he, " I am afraid our 
 friend Mr. Longhead, who, though a man 
 of excellent sense, is liable to prejudices, 
 has prepossessed you against Rhodomon- 
 tade." 
 
 " Do you really," answered the Colonel, 
 " think it required any other judgement 
 than m.y own to give me an indifferent opi- 
 nion of Rlicdomontade ? Do you think 
 that I can, without great wonder, s,ee a 
 man of your excellent sense so pleased with 
 so extravagant insipid fictions, so frivolous 
 observations, and dull stupid attempts at 
 wrt, and can relish vulgar gossiping, and 
 unmanly slander? I am surprized how you 
 can like a man so different from yourself." 
 
 The 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 149 
 
 The Colonel staggered the Laird's opi- 
 nion of Rhodomontade. He entertained a 
 very high idea of his brother's wisdom, 
 not lessened by the sagacity which he had 
 just imputed to himself. He began to 
 lower his opinion of Rhodomontade; he 
 told his brpther he had not been deceived 
 in that anv more than in any thing else, 
 that Rhodomontade was a good neighbour, 
 and that, therefore, he overlooked his 
 weaknesses and folly. 
 
 Indeed, the Laird soon persuaded him- 
 self that his opinion of IMr. Rhodomon- 
 tade had never been so great as it really had 
 been: still, however, he considered him as 
 a man of good intentions, and great spirit. 
 Rhodomontade perceived the change in 
 the Laird's deportment and sentiments, 
 this he imputed to the Colonel's influence, 
 and the Colonel's opinion to the suggestions 
 of Mr. Longhead, who he knew disliked 
 him, and whom he hated. To render 
 Mr. Longhead ridiculous and conternptible, 
 in the eyes of the Colonel, he thought 
 H 3 would 
 
150 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 would be a wise step, and' it would lessen 
 or destroy that influence which Mr. Long- 
 head's opinion had with him, and so open 
 his eyes to his (Rogue-Place's) merits. If he 
 gained the Colonel, he reasonably con- 
 cluded he would regain the favour of the 
 Laird. He instructed his daughter to 
 double her attention to James, and hinted 
 to her, in a pretended joke, that he was a 
 man of such honour that she might most 
 effectually bind him by unlimited com- 
 pliance. 
 
 About this time the Laird gave an en- 
 tertainment in honour of the Colonel and 
 his lady, and the Rhodomontades were of 
 the party. After dinner a conversation 
 ensued between Mr. Longhead, Mr. 
 Wiseman, the Colonel, and, .as he himself 
 supposed, the Laird. As the subject was 
 literary, Rhodomontade did not, for some 
 time, think fit to join, but amused himself 
 by making whispering observations to Miss 
 Nell on what Mr. Longhead advanced. 
 Mr, Wiseman was defending the language- 
 
 of 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 1 •') I 
 
 of Bacon, against an observation of Hume, 
 and insisting that it possessed clearness and 
 force, the essential' qualities of a language, 
 in as great a degree as any Latin, modern 
 or ancient, ever did, or could, possess. 
 Rhodomontade wittily observed, that ir 
 was excellent Bacon they had at dinner; a 
 remark Miss Nell thought extremely flice- 
 tious. As the conversation Vvas rising from 
 Bacon's language to his philosoplu', the 
 arrival of a neighbour interrupted it, a 
 short conversation took place, when Rouge 
 Place began a dissertation on the useless- 
 ness of learning, and the folly of pedantry. 
 " I wonder," says he, " Colonel, that 
 you, who are an honour to your profession, 
 should bother your head with Greek and 
 Latin, and mathematics, and them there 
 
 sort of d d stuff. Except yourself, I 
 
 never knew a clever fellow who knew a word 
 about the matter. There was Marshal Saxe; 
 with whom I was myself very intim.ate, and 
 slept a whole summer in the same tent with 
 him,couldhardly read orwrite his own name." 
 H4 "That 
 
i52 DOUGLAS,' OR, 
 
 " That rather surprizes me/' said Mn 
 AViseman, " as I thought he had written a 
 treatise on the art of war, that displayed a 
 deep knowledge oi ancient taclics." 
 
 " Yes, yes,'' said Rhodomontade, 
 " that we made out between us from my ob- 
 servation of the French discipline, the 
 winter after the battle of Malplaquet, 
 about a year after Culloden." 
 " You were at Malplaquet," said Longhead. 
 " Yes I was, do you doubt it?" 
 " By no means, after your asserting it; 
 but I am surprized at it, as it was 
 fought near twenty years before you were 
 born." 
 
 " Then it w^as some other. I was at so 
 many, I often confound one with another. 
 My friend, Harry Fielding too, did not 
 know a sing;le word of Latin or Greek, and 
 where would you find a cleverer fellow ? I 
 knew him intim.ately. He and I were hand 
 and glove. He read his Roderic Random 
 to me before he published it — D — n my 
 heart, Vvhat are your Homer and Pindus, 
 and Eutropius, and so forth, to make a 
 
 clever 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 153 
 
 clever man, compared with traveilingv 
 and knowing men and things ?" 
 
 " I did not know," said Mr. Wiseman, 
 '^ Fielding was ignorant of Greek and Latin; 
 nor, indeed, that he had written Roderic 
 P^andom." 
 
 ** Did you ever read Roderic, Parson ?" 
 
 " Yes, I remember something of an 
 ignorant, boasting, lying traveller in a Bath. 
 stage coach." 
 
 " Yes, by G — d, it was I that gave hini 
 the character." 
 
 " You were the writer's fellow tra- 
 veller." 
 
 " No, no, I went to Bath to oblige 
 him, and pick up characters." 
 
 " Could not you have presented him- 
 with such a character, without leaving, 
 him?" 
 
 " Perhaps," (replied the other, not un- 
 derstanding him,) " I might." 
 
 " It is not unlikely that Eelding de- 
 spised learning," said Wiseman. 
 
 " Om of his personages, Ensign Norther- 
 Ho ton. 
 
154 DOUGLAS; OR, ^ 
 
 ton, is very inimical to Homer and Cor- 
 derius, and very much praises Jemmy 
 Oliver, of his regiment, who could neither 
 read nor write. Will. Honeycomb also was 
 a great enemy to pedantry; he, however, 
 fell short of Jemmy Oliver, as he could 
 write, only could not spell.'* 
 
 " Will. Honeycomb," said Rhodomon- 
 tade, " I knew him intimately, he had a 
 plantation near Kingston, in Jamaica. 
 Many a bottle of good Madeira have we 
 two had together. You remember Honey- 
 comb, my dear," (turning to Mrs. Rhodo- 
 montade.) 
 
 " Oh, yes ! perfectly v/ell, he dined with 
 us one day ; on a Christmas, you and he 
 got very merry, drinking punch. He told 
 lis, he wrote some of the Spectator." 
 
 " Yes," says Rhodomontade, " he de- 
 spised learning, and well he might, he was 
 a damnation clever fellow without it. As 
 for myself, d — n me to hell, if 1 know a 
 word of Greek and Latin, yet I think I 
 have more knowledge than all the pedants 
 
 in 
 
THE HIGITLANDER. 1 0.^^* 
 
 in the country. D — n my blood, what 
 are your Greek books, your Caesar's, and 
 Quie Genus's, and so forth, to make a 
 clever man, compared with travelling and 
 knowing the world?" 
 
 " I must," said Mr. Longhead, " so far 
 agree with you, that learning alone does 
 not constitute ability, neither, on the other 
 hand, does ignorance. I must also observe 
 that learning is generally most abused, by 
 those who are completely destitute of it, 
 on which ground I can account for your 
 invectives." 
 
 *' Oh, blast your sneering," exclaimed 
 Rhodomontade, " I consider myself as a 
 cleverer fellow than all the parsons in the 
 country." 
 
 " I am afraid," said the Colonel, of- 
 fended at the impertinence of Rhodomon- 
 tade, to his father-in-law, " you will make 
 the contrary obvious, if there were any so 
 weak as to entertain any doubts of it." 
 
 " Rhodomontade, seeing he could reap 
 
 no advantage from the present contest, 
 
 H 6 wisely 
 
156 DOUj^LAS; OR, 
 
 wisely desisted. He next bethought hini'- 
 self of raising the Colonel's admiration of 
 him, by recounting his exploits, and, at 
 the same time, softening him by a com- 
 pliment to Mr. Longhead. "I confess," he 
 said, '^ Mr. Longhead has as much know- 
 ledge as any m^an can possibly have, who 
 has never travelled, and I respect him as, 
 in every part of his character, one of the 
 first men I have ever known. But there 
 are some things he cannot know so accu- 
 rately as I, v/ho have been an eye-witness. 
 Many things happen in the West -Indies, 
 and other foreign parts, of which Mr. Long- 
 head can have no idea. There's me, for 
 instance, I have done, encountered, and 
 suffered things which I should myself have 
 thought impossible before -hand, as would 
 every body else, unless assured of it by 
 myself. You have all, no doubt, heard of 
 the extraordinary Topham, the strong man, 
 he could take four horse shoes, join them and 
 break them ail at once; he could pull back 
 a coach against four horses spurred and 
 
 whipped 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 157 
 
 v<^hipped to move forwards ; he' could throw 
 a bullet of forty-two pounds, forty-two 
 feet; he gould raise two butts of beer from 
 the ground; he could swing five hundred 
 w^eight of lead in each hand, and walk 
 with it from Tottenham Court Road to 
 Hi2;h2;ate; he could wrestle ao-ainst four 
 horse grenadiers, and always come off vic- 
 torious. Having often heard of his prowess^ 
 I wished myself to have a trial with him : 
 I tried him at all the exercises, to which he 
 was most accustomed, and beat him at 
 every one. Whilst he could raise two butts 
 only of beer, with the whole force of his 
 body, I could chuck them by turns in the 
 air, and" catch them with the greatest ease. 
 He got into a violent passion about the 
 horse shoes. A blacksmith had so tempered 
 a set intended for a display of Topliam's 
 strength, that he could not break them 
 jointly, and so exhausted himself, by try- 
 ing, that he could not break them even 
 separately. I asked to look at them, joined 
 
 and 
 
158 
 
 and broke them like a twig. He was 
 damnation angiy at my superiority." 
 
 " D — n my blood," says he, " let us 
 wrestle." 
 
 '' Curse me, eternally," I replied, " if 
 I do not agree. To it, by G — d, we went, 
 we had a hard touch; but, by jingo, I gave 
 liim at last such a hell of a squeeze, that 
 he gave in, as I hope for mercy, kept his 
 bed for a month afterwards. The follow- 
 ing year, we became very good friends, 
 (continued Rhodomontade, with his usual 
 interjections, which we shall not farther 
 detail,) as we w^ere seeing a bear baiting, 
 at Hockley in the Hole. The bear hap- 
 pened to break loose, made at Topham, 
 who tried to seize him; I ran to his assist- 
 ance as he was just receiving a hug from 
 bruin. I got hold of the shaggy gentleman, 
 and crushed him to death. I remember he 
 ga\'e us a treat at Mother Red Cap's, on 
 account of his wonderful escape. I ate 
 about six pounds of boiled beef, a great 
 quantity of beans and bacon, a green goose, 
 
 and 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 159 
 
 and SIX and thirty roasted pigeons; drank 
 four gallons of porter, and three bottles of 
 Madeira, during dinner, and a dozen of 
 claret afterwards. We sat till day-break. 
 When I, for a wager, walked under water 
 from Milibank to London Bridge. But a 
 more surprizing thing than all these hap- 
 pened to me at Canterbury, I was v>ithiQ 
 an ace of being hanged." 
 
 " I think," said JMr. Longhead, " that 
 was much less surprizing than any of vour 
 other exploits. Do you not think, Wise- 
 man, that such a catastrophe would have 
 been in the common course of events ? 
 
 " Were WT," answered Wiseman, " to argue 
 a priori^ lean see no objection on the score 
 of probability. I remem.ber to have read, 
 in Aristotle, tliat many things are true 
 which are not probable, and probable which 
 are not true. You had. Sir, you sav," 
 turning to Rhodomontade, " a narrow 
 escape." 
 
 Rhodomontade not heeding, or, perhaps, 
 
 understanding 
 
160 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 understanding this short dialogue, pro- 
 ceeded. 
 
 *' I'll tell ycu how it v/as, a tall fine 
 man, much such another as myself, had 
 robbed a post-chaise close by Canterbury. 
 I happening to be returning from visiting a 
 noble family near the coast, and entered 
 the city a few hours after the robbery was 
 committed, mounted on a horse of, it 
 seems, the same colour as that of the robber; 
 and the postillion raising a hue and cry, 1 
 v/as surrounded, and apprehended. Hoping 
 for the reward, he swore point blank before 
 an old cull of a justice. The gentleman, 
 who had been robbed, had concealed all 
 his money but a few guineas; so that he 
 only had stopt to change horses, was off to 
 Dover, the packet being to sail that after- 
 noon. A scoundrel of a Bow Street Offi- 
 cer, who was in Canterbury, in chace of 
 another, sv/ore he knew me to- be a 
 noted rogue, and even called me by my 
 
 name.'* 
 
 " I have heard, indeed," said Long- 
 head, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 161 
 
 head, '' these men much praised for the 
 exactness of their intelligence, and their 
 penetration into certain characrers." 
 
 " In the present case," said Wiseman,. 
 " I can see no marks of extraordinary pe- 
 
 netration." 
 
 Rhodomontade, considering this as a 
 comphment, proceeded — " No, by G — d, he 
 was out there, he had the wrong sow by 
 the ear. I was tried soon after at Maid- 
 stone, and cast. But, before the day of 
 execution, the real robber being appre- 
 hended in the fact of another robbery, ac- 
 knowledged mine, and I w^as discharged. 
 Out of gratitude I applied to a nobleman, 
 high in the ministry, and procured him 
 a remission of the tree for transportation. 
 I since met him in Jamaica, where he is 
 now settled as a planter, and spent a week 
 with him." 
 
 Soon after the conclusion of this story, 
 Rhodomontade going out, the conversa- 
 tion turned on the absurdity of dealing in 
 the marvellous. 
 
 " Mr. 
 
i<>2 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 " Mr. Longhead observed, it was not 
 merely absurd, but wicked, at least tended 
 tov/ickedness, by lessening regard for truth. 
 -*' YvHioever," he said," tells lies from the fri- 
 volous m.otives of vanity, will not, probably, 
 adhere to truth, when prompted by the 
 powerful motives of resentment or interest. 
 I have knov/n a few vain liars honest men, 
 but very many of them knaves.'* 
 
 " Willing rather to be knaves," said 
 Wiseman, " the designs of such m.en 
 are generally too ill concerted to produce 
 the intended efTect." 
 
 " I beg leave to differ with you, my 
 friend," said the Colonel, " as to the inef- 
 ficiency of such designers. I have more 
 frequently known men of sense deceived 
 by fools, than by m^en of their own 
 description. Contempt for the talents of 
 weak men, often prevents the wise from 
 guarding against the cunning in which they 
 abound. Now, for instance, here's my 
 brother, who is a man, we all know, of ex- 
 cellent sense 3 he would sooner be deceived by 
 
 Rhodomontade, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. i()3 
 
 Rliodomontade, than by a man of under- 
 standing.'* 
 
 " I think,'* said Wiseman, " he is a 
 strange compound of real vulgarity, and 
 affected gentility ; his wife, she deals in 
 fiction too, as does the daughter ; it is a 
 family distemper. They are notable pro- 
 jectors too, only like those of Laputa, they 
 do not bring their projects to bear. They 
 had a plan lately of drawing our friend, 
 the Laird here, into a marriage with IN/liss; 
 at present they have either abandoned it, 
 or are more cautious in their operations." 
 
 " Mr. Wiseman," said the Colonel, 
 in an affected passion, " I cannot but 
 think you mistaken, they could never be 
 so extravagantly foolish, what could never 
 be brought to bear, with a man of my 
 brother's sense and ta.ste. T consider the 
 very idea as an affront to our family. The 
 girl is a forward hoiden." 
 
 " O!" said Mr. LonMiead, " she has 
 been very good company in the West 
 Indies, at the bar''' 
 
 " A bar 
 
161 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 " A bar maid," cried the Colonel, " a 
 proper person to be lady of Tay Bank!" 
 
 The Laird, though he did not alto- 
 gether agree in the Colonel's opinion 
 of Miss, declared if they had any such 
 idea they would be disappointed. 
 
 Mr. Rhodomontade, who had been 
 absent making punch, an employment al- 
 ways allotted him by the Laird, now 
 returning with a large bowl — 
 
 " Laird," said he, " I have been long 
 your butler, and m.ust have fixt wages;" 
 laughing heartily at this jest, w^hich he had 
 often uttered before, to the great delight 
 of the Laird; at present, however, it did 
 not produce the desired effed. Rhodo- 
 montade seeing the company becoming 
 very grave, promoted a quick circulation 
 of punch, until they wxre summoned to 
 join the ladies at tea. 
 
 " Miss Neil entertained the company 
 with an account of the various slips com- 
 mitted by females in the neighbourhood, 
 blaming Mr. Wiseman for too great lenity 
 
 to 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 165 
 
 to. those horrid miscreants, fornicators, '^ 
 when on the stool qi repentance, and in- 
 formed him of various overt acts of treason 
 against chastity, which had not reached 
 his ears, appeaUng to Rhodomontade for 
 the truth of her assertions. 
 
 Rhodomontade, not only vouched for 
 her narratives, bat also added circumstances 
 and narratives of his own. In one of these 
 he happened to speak disrespectfully of a 
 young lady of excellent character, the sister 
 of a friend of Wiseman. \Viseman, 
 frankly told him that what he said was not 
 true. 
 
 " D — n your blood. Parson, do you 
 doubt my veracity?'* 
 
 " I have no doubt on the subject," said 
 the Parson. 
 
 " In many parts of Scotland, fornicators, provided 
 fliey are not gentlemen and hulies, were obliged to appear 
 three succe?sive Sundays before tlie congregation, to 
 r<."ceive a rebuke from the Ck^rg) man for their wicked- 
 ness. They btand on a conspicuous platform, called 
 the Cutty Stool. The dread of this shameRil exhi- 
 bition often drives females to child murder. 
 
 " D— n 
 
166 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 " D — n me," said Rhodomontade, " it 
 I thought any man doubted my veracity, 
 I would blow him up with gunpowder." 
 
 " You would find that an expensive 
 operation." 
 
 " It is good for you, you are a Parson; 
 if any other were to talk so to me, I would 
 send him to the devil in an instant." 
 
 " So you would have no objection to a 
 second meeting wdth him.^" 
 
 " D — n your sneering, it is good for 
 you, you are a Parson." 
 
 *' For you it is," answered the Parson. 
 
 Rhodomontade, v/hose prowess, before 
 celebrated, had, although he w^as in good 
 health, and not forty-five, unfortunately 
 left him in the tropics, and who was now^ be- 
 come, for strength and manly exercise, like 
 another man, was afraid to go too far, as 
 Wiseman was active and athletic, desisted 
 from farther altercation." 
 
 Wiseman firmly insisted on his ac- 
 knowledging his allegation, respecting th< 
 young lady, to be false. 
 
 RhodomontadeJ 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 167 
 
 Rhodomontade, at last, said he was 
 in jest. 
 
 And Wiseman, in a tone rather of 
 threat, advised him to refrain from, such 
 jest in future. 
 
 The Laird's opinion of Rhodomon- 
 tade now sunk apace, and he diminished 
 his intercourse with him, but could not 
 altogether conquer his affection for Miss 
 Molly. 
 
 Meanwhile our hero was committed to 
 the care of Mr. Wiseman, until the season 
 should arrive for his going to the Univer- 
 sit}^ Under Wiseman he was made accu- 
 rately acquainted with the grammatical 
 part of the Greek language, and could 
 translate Xenophon with ease ; was also 
 initiated in geometry and algebra; he im- 
 proved his knowledge of history, and re- 
 quired a reverential regard for the consti- 
 tution of his country. He was already 
 much miore than a match for his aunt, 
 with whom he had often disputes on go- 
 vernment. She was a violent Jacobite, and, 
 
 as 
 
]68 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 as far as she knew them, an abettor of 
 the doctrines of passive obedience. Charles 
 v/as too young to detect nonsense without 
 exposing it, and impugned her arguments, 
 for so she chose to call unsupported asser- 
 tions, with more regard to truth than re* 
 verencc to his aunt. She became violent 
 and abusive; he, from displeasure at her 
 rudeness, and a desire of shewing supe- 
 riority, never failed to expose her absurdity, 
 as she, every time she attempted to argue, 
 gave him. an opportunity. She never liked 
 him, now she hated him most inveterately, 
 and slandered him in all companies. By 
 most of the neighbours her calumnies were 
 not attended to, as Charles was a general 
 favourite. By the PJiodomontades they 
 were better received; that family hated the 
 Colonel and Mr. Longhead, as the chief 
 obstacles to the success of their project, 
 and did not, therefore, highly regard the 
 son of the one, and grandson of the other. 
 Besides, they saw the influence of young 
 Charles to be very great with the Laird, 
 
 and 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 169 
 
 and as they felt theirs decreasing, they im- 
 puted the diminution in part to Charles, 
 whom they beheved instructed for that 
 purpose. They saw they must suspend 
 their operations for the present, and con- 
 trive some means for giving them effect, 
 when the Colonel should be gone to his 
 regiment, and Charles removed to the Uni- 
 versity. 
 
 VOL. I.. I CHAP, 
 
170 DOUGLAS; ORj 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 Our Hero sent to St. Andrew's College. — Studies and 
 Pursuits there. — Removed to Edinburgh. — Excel- 
 lence of that Seminary shewn in its Objects, Con- 
 stitution, Plans, and Effects. 
 
 JL HE Colonel and IVTr. Lonsihead, were 
 partial to St. Andrew's University, because 
 they had been educated there themselves ; 
 thither, therefore, they agreed that Charles 
 :should be sent for some years, and that he 
 should be afterwards removed to Edin- 
 burgh, to study the higher branches of 
 physical and moral science. 
 
 The venerable principal, to whose care 
 his father had been entrusted, being now 
 too far advanced in years for an active 
 superintendance of the young man, he was 
 committed to the care of almost the 
 youngest member of the University; the 
 professor of Greek, a man of very consi- 
 derable talentSj erudition, and taste. From 
 
 the 
 
THE HIGHLANDEIl. 171 
 
 the public tuition, aided by the private advice, 
 and instructions of his learned and able 
 preceptor, Charles made great and rapid 
 progress, not only in the Greek language, 
 but in Grecian literature. 
 
 The professor's plan of instruction did not 
 confine itself to the Greek tongue, but com- 
 prehended historical, critical, and moral 
 lectures, on the various subjects, connected 
 with the authors whose works his pupils w^re 
 perusing. As young men often take the 
 tone of their studies from the master who 
 happens to be highest in their estimation, 
 classical erudition was the principal object 
 of Charles's pursuit, during his continu- 
 ance at St. Andrew's: but that species of 
 erudition, which comprehends history, rea- 
 soning, and philosophy, more than mere 
 philology. He had naturally a just 
 and delicate taste, and read the poets 
 with great pleasure^ he considered them^ 
 however, not merely as vehicles of beauty 
 and grandeur, but also of sense and 
 wisdom. At that time, rhetoric, from 
 the respectable character of its pro- 
 I 2 fessor, 
 
172 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 fessor, occupied a ojreater share of the at- 
 tention of the students, than its compara- 
 tive importance in the scale of Hterature 
 justified. Many of the young men attended 
 much more to that study, than to history, 
 mathematics, logic, and moral philosophy; 
 and, as the rhetoric taught referred more 
 to language and composition than to mate* 
 rials, some of its votaries became neat 
 composers, but very superficial thinkers. 
 Charles applied sufficiently to rhetoric to 
 knovv^ the common rules, and to write cor- 
 rectly, but did not suffer a subordinate 
 object to occupy his chief pursuits. 
 
 In one of the vacations his friend, Mr. 
 Wiseman, taught him the elements of 
 Euclid, and at College he studied that 
 branch of science, so far as it was the 
 foundation of useful arts, but no farther; 
 history and moral science were his favourite 
 pursuits. At that time the Chancellor of 
 the University, a well disposed man, some- 
 thino- of a scholar, and very fond of encou- 
 raains; learning, visited the University 
 
 once 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 1T3 
 
 once a year, and gave prizes to the best 
 exhibitions in the several classes. Although 
 the intention of this was good, yet the 
 mode was injudicious. Some weeks before 
 the annual visit, themes were proposed by 
 the several professors to their respective 
 classes, on which essays were to be com- 
 posed, and given in in a fortnight. Many 
 of the student-s procured assistance, and 
 by that means obtained prizes which they 
 did not deserve. Our hero having con- 
 tended for an honour of this sort, was dis- 
 appointed, and the palm adjudged to a 
 youth of very inferior talents and learning 5 
 he being disgusted, laboured for no more, 
 but vvas, notwithstanding, esteemed the 
 first in his class. His studies did not oc- 
 cupy his time so wholly, as to prevent him 
 from engaging in the few amusements 
 which the place offered, he regularly at- 
 tended the lessons of the insrenious Mr. 
 Jenkins, v/hose vigorous invention has 
 given a new direction to the Scotch dances, 
 and adapting them to the melody, as well 
 13 . as 
 
174 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 as the vivacity, of the Scotch ball music^ 
 on the agility of Highland measures 
 has superinduced grace. He knproved 
 himself in fencing, cudgel playing, and 
 other manly exercises, and at seventeen 
 was a match for most men of tv/enty at 
 running, leaping, wrestling, and putting 
 the stone. He v/as also a dexterous player 
 at golf. Whatever he engaged in, he en- 
 gaged in. ardently. In the convivial par- 
 ties of the students he was one of the 
 favourite members. Often was he pitched 
 upon to invent expedients for eluding the 
 masters, when youthful frolic exceeded 
 the bounds of propriety, and positive com- 
 mand : expedients so flattering to the in- 
 ventor, by conveying to himself and 
 others the idea of superior address. 
 Often were improper companions con- 
 cealed in the coal closet, being intro- 
 duced before the shutting of the gate, 
 and ^loicssoY^s per hist rat ions, or towed over 
 the wall after the gates were shut, and the 
 rounds were gone. Not unfrequently did 
 he amuse the porter in the lodge, while 
 
 the 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. iiJ 
 
 the porter's servant permitted the key to 
 the care of some of his fellow students, 
 while they went in quest of liquor, or some 
 other forbidden article. Many a frosty 
 evening did he, alone or in company, go 
 down from the gallery windows of the 
 north building, by sheets or blankets into 
 the garden. Often he traversed 11111' s 
 wj/?idy the scores^ descended into the 
 Zvitch's hollozv, a scene of witchery, even in 
 modern times; proceeded to Sioilkinburn^ 
 or lucubrated by the old windmilL The 
 vaulted recesses of Cardinal Beaton's castle 
 were not by him unexplored ; caverns, once 
 the scenes of horror, nov/ of hospitality 
 and love, where the loud roaring of the 
 waves appears to have no other effect on 
 the inhabitants than to remind them of 
 the worship expected from her votaries, by 
 the goddess that sprang from that tem- 
 pestuous element. 
 
 Not unknown to him, was the illustrious' 
 
 house of Harley, nor the fair daughter of 
 
 that distinguished family. With her, af- 
 
 1 4 ter 
 
176 DOUGLAS; 0R> 
 
 ter reading Gulliver's Travels, would he 
 often resort to the apartment allotted the 
 Hounnyhms, to contemplate the beau- 
 ties and virtues of that noble race, or when 
 the malignant moon refused to afford light, 
 to meditate OYi their great qualities. His 
 frolics and nocturnal perambulations, 
 though they generally escaped detection, 
 did not always. He once or twice received 
 an admonition from Dr. Watson, in the 
 hehdomador'' s room, m presence of the 
 other masters, and once received a public 
 rebuke in the common schools. The fa- 
 mily pride which, as we before recorded, 
 had been instilled into him in his early 
 years, sometimes led him into quarrels; 
 for though it never broke out in insolent 
 aggression, yet it frequently manifested 
 itself in more indignant contempt at en- 
 croachments, than the case justified; and 
 cnce an impertinent fellow, a baker, 
 having behaved to him in the street with 
 most impudent familiarity and vulgar 
 rudeness, he attacked him, and mauled 
 
 him 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 177 
 
 him so unmercifully, though a stout fel- 
 low, that the consequence might have been 
 a serious prosecution, had not his friend, 
 the professor, appeased the fellow by a 
 donation, which the Colonel afterwards 
 very thankfully repaid. His pride, how- 
 ever, much more frequently co-operated 
 with the natural benevolence and magna- 
 nimity of his dispositions, and stim.uiated 
 the exertion of his vigorous understanding, 
 so that though his friends might wish to see 
 this aristocrat ical prejudice regulated and 
 restrained, they could not desire, whilst it 
 continued to produce more good than evil, 
 it should be totally eradicated.. Onthe whole 
 the Professors, although they might cen- 
 sure some particular acts, highly ap- 
 proved both of his understanding and 
 heart. 
 
 After he had been the usual time at 
 St. Andrew's, the Colonel removed him 
 to a wider theatre, where he could nieet 
 v/ith more competitors, and where both 
 several branches of literature and m.any 
 I 5 ornamental 
 
17S DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 ornamental accomplishments could be much 
 more completely acquired than at St. An- 
 drew's. Indeed, although at St. Andrew's 
 some of the Professors were men of talents 
 and learning, there were circumstances 
 in the constitution of the University that 
 introduced a spirit of monopoly and cor- 
 poration, by no means favourable to pre- 
 ceptorial excellence. Most of the pro- 
 fessorships were in the gift of professors 
 themselves. The prevailing party of these, 
 of course, chose their own relations or con- 
 nections, and as their salaries were, con- 
 sidering the cheapness of the place, com- 
 fortable, they depended the less on either 
 individual or aggregate literary character. 
 The professorial chairs, therefore, in indi- 
 vidual cases were filled with able men, yet 
 ability and learning cannot be said to be 
 their general character. 
 
 While at College, Charles regularly cor- 
 responded with his grandfather, and his 
 friend Wiseman ; and was by both re- 
 peatedly and earnestly urged to employ 
 
 INVESTIGATION AND INDUCTION. Mr. 
 
 Longhead 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 179 
 
 Lonsiliead was a man of sense and know- 
 ledge. Mr. Wiseman was a man of genius 
 and philosophy, equal to most of his 
 country. He made up for Charles a 
 system of logic on the Baconic plan, 
 which he found infinitely more useful than 
 the common-place systems on the scholastic 
 plan, taught at College, and which Dr. 
 Watson's close application to rhetoric had 
 prevented him from correcting and changing 
 in his logical instructions. Indeed, the 
 Doctor, whose professional business it was 
 to teach both rhetoric and logic, bestowed 
 too much comparative attention on the 
 former, and too little on the latter; so that 
 those students, w^ho were most ambitious 
 of being high in his estimation, were rather 
 correct writers than able reasoners. This 
 was not the case with Charles ; he learned 
 logic on the grand and comprehensive plan 
 which renders it the instrument of know- 
 ledge and philosophy. When he came to 
 study moral philosophy, the natural force 
 of his understanding, with his logical habits, 
 enabled liim to comprehend the Hutchin- 
 1 6 sonian 
 
180 DOUGLAS 5 OR, 
 
 sonian system, then prevalent, and to 
 discover, amidst m.uch important truth, 
 a considerable degree of hypothesis in 
 the writings of that original and pro- 
 found philosopher. Highly as he prized 
 Hutchinson, as the anatomist of affection, 
 and Locke of intellect, even then he per- 
 ceived, in many instances, both have pro- 
 ceeded on assumption. 
 
 But Charles not only studied the ana- 
 tomy of the mind, he read with great de- 
 light man in active life. He was extremely 
 fond ofhistory^biography, and voyages. Fic- 
 titious biography often occupied his atten- 
 tion, especially that species of it that repre- 
 sents man as he u found in real life. His fa- 
 vourite authors were those painters of human 
 nature, Cervantes, Le Sage, and Fielding. 
 Once he received a severe rebuke from the 
 Professor of Rhetoric, because he neglected 
 an exercise concerning the difference between 
 the grand and sublime^ v^rhile engaged in the 
 perusal of the history of Sancho's govern- 
 ment. After deriving much pleasure from 
 the humorous detail, he reflected, how 
 
 absurd 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. I8l 
 
 absurd it is, of men, Vv-ithoiit talents and 
 knowledge, to aspire at sitiiations for which 
 the want of these renders them totally unfit. 
 Although he acknowledged to his compa- 
 nions that the Professor's rebuke was 
 right, as it was the student's duty to learn 
 the lessons prescribed them; yet he could 
 not help saying, that he thought the know- 
 ledge of a great moral and political truth 
 was a compensation for that of verbal defi- 
 nition. To some parts of rhetorical lectures 
 he applied; particularly those which illus- 
 trated the beauties, sublimiities, and other 
 excellencies of Shakspeare, Homer, and 
 other eminent authors, ancient and micdern. 
 Both as a youth of genius, and a High- 
 lander, he was delighted with the sub- 
 lime, beautiful, and pathetic strains of his 
 countryman, Ossian. The Professor made 
 frequent quotations from that interesting 
 and enchanting bard, and in one of his 
 lectures read the pathetic episode of Car- 
 thon, with such judgement, taste, and 
 effect, as to draw floods of tears from 
 
 all 
 
182 DOCJGLAS; OR, 
 
 all students of sensibility, but most of all 
 from Charles. Our young Highlander was, 
 indeed, an enthusiastic supporter, both of 
 the authenticity and excellence of the 
 Caledonian poems. Highly as he admired 
 Johnson, yet as an able logician he would 
 not admit authority for argument. 
 
 On leaving St. Andrew's, Charles was 
 sent to Edinburgh, and, after spending the 
 summer chiefly in the acquisition of 
 modern languages, and of ornamental ac- 
 complishments, he was entered at the 
 University, and attended Dr. Ferguson's 
 class, for moral and political science j 
 Mr. Stewart, for the higher branches of 
 mathematics; Mr. Robinson, for natural 
 philosophy. Of the two last subjects he 
 had acquired no inconsiderable share of 
 knowledge at St. Andrew's, under the 
 worthy and respectable Mr. V. and Dr. F. 
 but, of the first, still more under Mr. C. 
 it being a study which he prosecuted con 
 amove. The lectures on the subject at 
 St. Andrew's, though less comprehensive 
 
 and 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 183 
 
 and profound than those at Edniburgh, 
 were sensible, judicious, and useful; and, 
 indeed, very good preparations for the les- 
 sons of the capital. 
 
 His masters soon perceived the 
 talents and dispositions of our hero, 
 and applied themselves through the 
 former to the latter. No seminary can 
 be better adapted to the purposes of 
 invigorating, sharpening, polishing, and 
 enriching the understanding, than that to 
 which young Douglas was sent. Every 
 branch of learning is, regularly and syste- 
 matically, taught by a Professor of ability 
 and skill, stimulated by the most powerful 
 motives to exertion. The instructions are 
 not occasional, but daily, last the six 
 months, and compose a regular system. 
 The classics are taught, as means of litera- 
 ture, not as the consummation of know- 
 ledge. They are read for the facts, reason- 
 ing, images, and sentiments. The poets are 
 studied for their sublimity, beauty, pa- 
 thos, morality, and exhibition of human 
 
 nature, 
 
1S4 DOUGLAS j OR, 
 
 nature, more than as models of versifica- 
 tion. Students consider less whether 
 Horace's measure be asclepiad or sapphic, 
 than Vv'hat pleasure and use his writings 
 contain. To know his miscidt utile da lei ^ 
 they think of more consequence, than that 
 he was mxOst attached to a certain arrange- 
 ment of the iambics, spondee, trochee, 
 and dactyls. In perusing Euripides, they 
 less regard the proportion of anapsests to 
 iambics, than the resemblance to real emo- 
 tions, in the characters and" conduct of 
 Medea and Phaedra. They read Virgil and 
 Homer, to think, knov/, and feel more 
 than to scan. The classics, logic, rhe- 
 toric, moral philosophy, natural philoso- 
 phy, mathematics, form what is called the 
 philosophy course. Lectures are delivered, 
 at least, once a day, and the students are 
 regularly examined the succeeding day, on 
 the subject of the lectures, both in them- 
 selves, and as part or the course; the Pro- 
 fessor encourages them to propose the 
 difficulties that occur to them, eitlier in 
 
 his 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 185 
 
 his lectures, or in their readings, and leads 
 them to the exercise of their own under- 
 standing, in solving them, giving such 
 assistance as may be necessary, and no more. 
 The moral philosophy class, then taught by 
 one very learned, comprehensive, and pro- 
 found philosopher, (as it is now by ano- 
 ther,) embraces the history and science 
 both of the understanding and will, and 
 from a complete analysis of his powers, de- 
 duces the duty of man in the various rela- 
 tions of social, civil, and political life. Such 
 is its object. As to m.ode, it totally lays 
 aside the jargon of the schools, and pro- 
 ceeds by experience and INDUCTION in 
 the several branches. The Professor, once a 
 week, proposes themes, in that part of his 
 course at which the students are arrived, 
 excites them to emulation, knowledge, in- 
 vention, reasoning, and composition. It is 
 a fortunate circumstance in Edinburgh that 
 the nomination of teachers is vested in those 
 whose honour and interest it peculiarly con- 
 cerns that those teachers be diligent and suc- 
 cessful. 
 
186 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 cessful. The magistrates have the profes- 
 sorships in their gift. They know that great 
 fame and advantage accrue to themselves, 
 and their constituents, from the celebrity 
 of the University. It is also fortunate for 
 learning at Edinburgh that the subsistence 
 of the teachers is in a great measure de- 
 pendent on their exertions. Their sala- 
 ries are small, few of them exceed fifty 
 pounds i so inconsiderable a sum, by no 
 means admits of either the idleness or 
 luxury naturally, and often actually, con- 
 sequent on rich endowments. They must 
 work, that they may eat. Instead of 
 droning fellows, they are active teach- 
 ers. They know that the more vigor- 
 ously, skilfully, and successfully they la- 
 bour, for the improvement of their scho- 
 lars, the more scholars they will have, 
 and the more they promote their own 
 interest. 
 
 In Edinburgh, a very great degree of 
 logical acuteness, and metaphysical en- 
 quiry, prevails among the professors, stu- 
 dents, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 187 
 
 dents, and literary men in general. In the 
 time of Hume> this acuteness was most 
 frequently exerted in ingenious specula- 
 tion; but Ferguson, and since the time of 
 his lessons, Stewart, has exam.ined the 
 human mind, by experiment and induc- 
 tion; by a careful observation of phoeno- 
 mena, and their general laws: and, together 
 with the accurate and profound Reid, have 
 greatly improved logic as an instrument of 
 enquiry, and rendered metaphysics intelli- 
 gible; and, as they must be when properly 
 understood, of the most important utility. 
 The study of chemistry becoming pre- 
 valent, from the eminence of Dr. Black,, 
 has considerably assisted young men in the 
 formation of habiis of investigation and 
 induction, and has corrected the tendency 
 of metaphysics, unless very cautiously and 
 wisely employed, to generate visionary 
 speculations. Doctors Reid and Fergu- 
 son, Mr. Stewart, and Mr. Playfair, are 
 not only thoroughly acquainted with the 
 learning of their professional departments, 
 
 but 
 
188 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 but know every branch of literature and 
 science; can appreciate each, trace them 
 to their first principles, and view them as 
 connected together. 
 
 " Such men are well fitted to raise the 
 views of the mere mathematician, and 
 dealer in solitary and unconnected expe- 
 riments, to the nature and the relations of 
 general truth or knowledge, and to temper 
 the airy elevations of the unsubstantial 
 metaphysician, by frequently checking him 
 in his flights, and calling back his atten- 
 tion to the objects of sense, from which, 
 or, at least, by means of which, most ab- 
 stracted ideas are originally derived.*" The 
 various branches of philosophy are exhi- 
 bited, by the Edinburgh Professors, on a 
 very grand scale. They not only make 
 the student acquainted with each particular 
 science, but with its bearings on every 
 other subject of knowledge. Dr. Fer- 
 guson's lectures conveyed to the student a 
 
 - See Nevvtfc's Tour, p. 367. 
 
 most 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 139 
 
 most thorough knowledge of moral and 
 political science, and also the relations of 
 these to the other sciences. 
 
 With these causes tending so powerfully 
 to answer the purpose of a seminary of 
 learning, other circumstances concur. 
 There are societies originating in the spirit 
 of literary emulation, and desire of literary 
 improvement, which such cultivation pro- 
 duces, fornied by the students for the ad- 
 vancement of knowledge, philosophical 
 discussion, and elegant composition. 
 
 These societies, both in general and 
 professional study, co-operate most for- 
 cibly with the ability and skill of the 
 Professors, and have contributed not a 
 little to the literary fame of the Caledonian 
 capital. The company in Edinburgh is 
 £lso favourable to literature. The lawyers, 
 the principal inhabitants of the city, are 
 generally men of letters, have received 
 their education at Edinburgh College, and 
 are perfectly acquainted with its plans and 
 details s and, as they are a numerous body, 
 
 there 
 
190 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 there are few parties of any respectability 
 in which some of them are not included; 
 so that young gentlemen, even in their 
 amusements, have opportunities of learned 
 and rational conversation. 
 
 Many of the clergy of Edinburgh, and 
 the environs, are able, enlightened, and 
 liberal men, totally free from the purita- 
 j^ical cant that descended from the Con- 
 venticlers, the methodistical jargon of 
 more modem sectaries^ the flimsy decla- 
 mation, and theatrical tricks, of pulpit 
 spouters. They, by conversation and 
 example, contributed to increase the literary 
 spirit. There were, no doubt, in Edin-i 
 burgh, and the neighbourhood, clergy of 
 a very different cast from a Blair, or a 
 Robertson; men who flattered the pre- 
 judices of the vulgar, endeavoured to esta- 
 blish tiniversal suffrage in the choice of 
 ministers; so that a mountebank, whose 
 gestures and harangues affected the rabble, 
 might be chosen the instructor of the 
 people, v/hen a Leechman or a Campbell 
 
 would 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 191 
 
 would be rejected. Those of the clergy, 
 however, who t'^r^dr/ to secederism^ were not 
 the most likely to be chosen as associates, 
 by men of talents, literature, and science, 
 nor their company to be courted by young 
 men of genius and philosophy. The clergy 
 to whose company such young men would 
 resort tended very much to improve lite- 
 rary emulation. 
 
 The merchants also from intercourse 
 with lawyers, professors, and literary clergy- 
 men, are generally men of more enlarged 
 conversation, than some much more opu- 
 lent men of the southern capital. The 
 opportunity of mixing with enlightened 
 classes, liberalizes both professor and stu* 
 dent, and frees them from the stiff manner 
 and contracted notions incidental to the 
 cloistered sequestration of monastic insti- 
 tutions. 
 
 Young men are not tied down to the 
 dogmata of clerical authority, they are 
 permitted to judge of truth or falsehood, 
 through their own understandings at the 
 
 time. 
 
192 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 time, not through the enactments of - 
 hierarchs two hundred years ago. They 
 are allowed to choose such furniture for 
 their intellectual apartments, as their own 
 well disciphned judgements shall determine 
 to be the best, wdthout the compulsory 
 addition of ecclesiastical fixtures. 
 
 It is obvious that the plan of study, 
 of which we have given the principal 
 outlines, tends to, render students 
 learned, acute, comprehensive, and ele- 
 gant. But much stronger arguments 
 in its favour tlian any which could be 
 adduced, from its tendency we have in 
 its uniformly experienced effects. In the 
 pulpit, in the sick room, at the bar, in 
 the senate, and in the library, we have the 
 most unquestionable proofs of its excel- 
 lence. It is by some objected to Edin- 
 burgh, that young men are more exposed \ 
 to dissipation there, than in a more re- 
 tired situation. A victorious army, if it 
 do 7iot,find, will make a Capua. Where- 
 ever youthful passion triumphs, there will 
 
 be 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, I9?y 
 
 be persons wicked enough to supply the 
 means of gratification.— r7a??i aut rnve- 
 Ilium aid faclam. The students at Edin- 
 burgh are not more dissipated than in 
 smaller places. In that respect it is not 
 worse than other colleges, and in many 
 respects much better. 
 
 Our hero soon distinguished himself 
 both for erudition and ability. He was 
 made a member of the speculative society, 
 and rendered himself conspicuous for the 
 clearness and force of his reasoning, and 
 the fertility of his genius. His favour.Ue- 
 studies w^ere the classics, mathematics, his- 
 tory, logic, and moral philosophy. He had 
 the honour of being a distinguished fa- 
 vourite with the great Ferguson, and de- 
 rived very great advantage from his con- 
 versation and direction. Charles, in 
 common with all young men of talents, 
 cherished the warmest attachment, and 
 the highest veneration, for that acute, 
 comprehensive, and profound philoso])her. 
 Charles, at St. Andrew's, had, as we have 
 VOL. I, K -^aid. 
 
K^-l- DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 said, bestowed too little attention on rheto-= 
 ric, though it was taught by a man of good 
 talents and respectable literaiy character. 
 A supposed preference to some of his own 
 boarders, in the judgement passed on the 
 comparative merit of some exercises, ren- 
 dered Charles indifferent about his opinion, 
 and no farther attentive to his lessons than 
 merely to avoid censure. At Edinburgh 
 he saw, in the superiority of composition of 
 discourses much inferior to his own in know- 
 ledge and reasoning, the hastiness of his 
 judgement in rating so low the rhetorical 
 art: he now, therefore, endeavoured to 
 supply his deficiencies. The second year 
 of his studies at Edinburgh he attended 
 the lectures of Dr, Blair, and derived much 
 advantage from the plain and practical 
 lessons of that agreeable, judicious, and 
 useful teacher of rhetoric ; that sound and 
 iust critic. His favourite study, the phi- 
 losophy of mind, was not interrupted, but 
 promoted by the reading which Dr. Blair's 
 lessons directed and suggested. He be- 
 came 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 195 
 
 came fond of criticism, both in its details 
 and principles, and could readily mark the 
 excellencies and defects of a literary per- 
 formance, refer them to their respective 
 classes, and trace them to their sources, 
 either in som.e particular circumstances of 
 situation, or general quality of mind. In 
 this year also he attended the class of 
 chemistry, and made great progress under 
 the Illustrious Black. Having a great 
 variety of knowledge, and a strong and 
 fertile imagination, accompanied now 
 with a competent acquaintance with the 
 rules and best m.odels of composition, 
 his essays in the specc^jLAtive society, 
 besides justness of observation, accuracy of 
 induction, cleavness and force of argument, 
 abounded in figurative illustration, some- 
 times superabounded. He had, however, 
 the sanction of Dr. Blair's judgement in 
 favour of the luxuri^ncy of juvenile com- 
 position. .ii...iJiV 
 
 There were, at that time, three classes 
 of assiduous pursuers of literary distinc- 
 tion, besides those who sought eminence 
 K 2 by 
 
196 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 by their progress in mathematical and 
 physical science, or those belonging par- 
 ticularly to the learned professions. 1st. 
 These were the pursuers of pneumatolog}^ 
 metaphysics, moral and political science. 
 2dly. The class that considered Belles 
 Lettres and fine composition as the su- 
 preme literary attainment. 3dly. The 
 students of elocution. All these three 
 t)bjects are, no doubt, useful in their kind, 
 although by no means of equal utility and 
 importance. Ingenious and able young 
 men did not all attend chiefly to the first 
 of the three, but many of them to the 
 second ; especially those who were intended 
 for the clerical profession, and who fre- 
 quently attended more to the special pre- 
 cepts of Dr. Blair, in that part of his 
 lectures, which enters into the details of 
 language and arrangement, than to those 
 injunctions concerning professional elo- 
 quence, which inculcate the knowledge 
 of human nature : or, to his example in 
 his own ; 'Jrnirable exhibitions of man, his 
 
 relations 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 197 
 
 relations and duties. From this turn it 
 has probably arisen, that the writings of 
 several men of ingenuity of that seminary 
 are much more distinguished for their 
 composition than their reasoning or philo- 
 sophy. As this wake, although followed 
 by several men of genius, is much easier 
 than the first to men of no genius, many 
 of very ordinary parts betook themselves 
 to rounding periods, instead of exploring 
 truth, or inculcating duty. A third set 
 formed their creed from Chesterfield^s 
 Letters, considering matter as unim- 
 portant, and manner every things a most 
 excellent doctrine for those who have no 
 brains to think or reason: such having, 
 mechanical capacities for manner, consi- 
 dered elocution as the supreme mtellectaal 
 attainment. 
 
 While the highest set was investigating the 
 new organ of Bacon, the ethics and politics 
 of Aristotle, the exhibitions of character 
 of Shakspeare, Homer, Tacitus, and 
 Hume, as recommended by Stewart or 
 K 3 Fergusoni 
 
1D8 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 Ferguson; the able of the second set were 
 describing the sublimity of Homer and 
 Milton; the beauty and pathetic of Virgil; 
 the correctness, elegance, and humour 
 "of Addison; the humour, wit, and pathetic 
 of Shakspeare, as pointed cut by Blair: 
 the third was occupied almost solely in 
 inquiring into the various sounds of the 
 several vov/els and consonants, the right 
 mode of laying the emphasis and accent, 
 as are diredhed and practised by the actors, 
 and whose principal study was Enfield's 
 Speaker. The reasoning, knowledge, and 
 science which these cultivated were those 
 which are to be found in debating society 
 orators. 
 
 If such read Hamlet, it was not for 
 the profoundness of the observations, 'for 
 the interesting character of the hero, the 
 fate of Ophelia and her lover, but to en- 
 quire hov,% in the dialogue between Horatio 
 and the Prince — the words, 1 would not 
 hear your enemies say so^ were to be read ; 
 or in the soiilocuv, to trv how the words, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 199 
 
 ** to die — to sleep no more;'' were to be 
 recited. In that laborious trifling, many, 
 of course, of very confined minds, bestowed 
 the greater portion of their time, and most 
 minute attention. Charles attended prin- 
 cipally to the first, in a considerable degree 
 to the second, and did not neglect the 
 third. 
 
 A quick conception, a fine ear, a m.anly 
 and harmonious voice, together witli a 
 graceful figure and address, enabled him 
 easily to attain all the proficiency in elo- 
 cution that was necessary to make it a 
 pleasing and impressive vehicle of thought 
 and feeling. Charles's mind was at once 
 powerful and brilUant; he excelled in pro- 
 found science, and in elegant literature, 
 he was a metaphysician on the plan of Fer- 
 guson and Reid, rejeduig hypothesis, and 
 trying ever)^ dodtrine, opinion, and senti- 
 m.ent by the test of experiment and induc- 
 tion. Such a mind, formed under Fergu- 
 son, was not one to lay a great stress on 
 th^a trie a I spou ting. 
 
 K i Debating 
 
200 DOUGLAS; ORy 
 
 Debating societies were great places of 
 resort among those of the Edinburgh stu- 
 dents, that were more distinguished for pro- 
 nunciation than composition or reasoning. 
 Even young men of abilities sometimes 
 went for the sake of airiusem.ent, and were 
 entertained by the oratory of Mr. Alexander 
 Atchinson, smith and student of medicine, 
 who afterwards, as a member of the Scotch 
 Convention, was honoured with the epis- 
 tolary communications of Mr. Secretary 
 and Shoemaker Hardy, of the London 
 Corresponding Society. Mr. Atchinson 
 did not, like many eminent orators of the 
 same society, rest his merit entirely on 
 elocution; nor, indeed, had nature been 
 so bountiful to him in personal beauty 
 that the elegance of his face and figure 
 could throw an adventitious lustre over 
 the brilliancy of his eloquence. He trusted 
 entirely to his wit, a quality which, in that 
 orator, consisted exclusively in broad 
 Scotch s a mode of pronunciation, it must 
 
 be 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 201 
 
 be allowed, as much a-kin to wit as spout- 
 ing is to eloquence.. 
 
 It may be said, that the purs^jits of 
 mere spouters are as useful as those of 
 versifiers, musical dilettanti^ or any other 
 votaries of sound. It possibly may be 
 so. It would, indeed, be a question dif- 
 ficult to determine, in any other way than 
 by having recourse to a debating society, 
 where the orators, being the constant and 
 habitual votaries of mere sound, might be 
 able to appreciate the comparative excel- 
 lence of different species. I know some- 
 snarling critics might here obj-eet that, in 
 talking of versifiers, I certainly cannot 
 mean Latin versifiers, as debating society 
 orators know nothing of that language, 
 nor, indeed, of any other, at kast. not of 
 their mother tongue. That, therefore^ 
 such verses could not make part of the 
 question. Tht fact I admit, but not the 
 inference. I speak of sound only, and not 
 Q^ the sense; bes-ides such an objection- 
 would proceed upon another misappre* 
 liension of the case; that, because such 
 K 5 orators. 
 
2C2 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 orators are ignorant of a subject, they 
 will, therefore, forbear speaking of it, or 
 even passing sentence on it. These gen- 
 tlemen have the singular faculty of ascer- 
 taining the truth of abstract questions by 
 vote. Did not the society of the Westmin- 
 ster Forum, on the question, Whether there 
 was, or was not,, a Devil ? without a single 
 argument on the one side or the other, de- 
 termine, a short time since, by a majority of 
 votes, that there was not a Devil; and on 
 the follovv^ing evening, in compliance with 
 the earnest entreaties of a thundering 
 Methodist, by a majority of votes deter- 
 mine,, that there was a Devil ? Did not 
 the samxC convention of orators propose a. 
 question, whether Mrs- Wollstonecroft's.. 
 writings were useful or hurtful to society ? 
 Did not the said orators . take different 
 sides? Did not the one set, without any. 
 analysis or investigation, declare the said, 
 writings to be supremely ezcelleht; ano- 
 ther set of the said orators, without -aay 
 analysis or investigation, declare the said. 
 
 writings 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 203 
 
 v/ritings to be supremely miscliievous ?" 
 Did not both parties shew themselves su- 
 premely ignorant of the question in de- 
 bate ? And yet was net the question deter- 
 mined by vote ? — ^The reader will, I hope, 
 pardon this digression, especially if he has 
 ever attended debating societies, as he 
 must see that these were ver\^ naturally 
 siieg-ested bv the idea of sound zoitkout 
 sense. 
 
 Douglas's studies by no means prevented 
 him from elegant amusements. He 
 danced, he fenced, he rode, with equal 
 grace. His person, as he approached man^ 
 hood, improved to such--a degree in eie« 
 gance, strength, and agility, that, beibfe 
 he was nineteen, he was one of the finest 
 young men to be seen at the Cross o£ 
 Edinburgh, when,, betvveen one and two 
 o'clock, gentlemen assembled there, and 
 were, from the adjoining steeple of the 
 High Church, according to the ancient 
 custom, of the Scottish capital, entertained 
 with tlie sweet, m.elodious, and delightfui 
 K 6 tunes- 
 
204 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 tunes of tlieir country. He frequently 
 resorted to balls, play houses, and other 
 public places, and was not unaccus- 
 tpmed to gallantry. He had some ac- 
 quaintance with the beauties of Hal- 
 kers ton's Wind, and the Old Assembly 
 Close. He had visited the renowned 
 Mrs. Nairn, nor was he altogether a 
 stranger ta the venerable presence of Mrs. 
 Macgregor, who parcelled out her time 
 equally between acts of devotion and ac- 
 commodation to youth. But as nothing 
 unusual happened in the course of his 
 visits to these mansions, we shall not 
 descend to particulars. 
 
 He attended to rhetoric, sufficiently to 
 acquire correctness of composition, with- 
 out wasting time and talents in rounding 
 periods. He also made himself master of 
 the French and Italian languages, and 
 continued to make great progress in orna- 
 mental accomplishm.ents and manly exer- 
 cises. His vacations he spent chiefly with 
 Mr. Wiseman and his grandfather, his 
 father and mother being most of the time 
 
 ili 
 
THE HIGHLANDEH. 205 
 
 in England, They returned during the 
 last session,, and were present at his gra- 
 duatian> an honour conferred on him just 
 as he had completed his twentieth year/ 
 From the high promise of his son, the 
 Colonel, with the advice of Dr. Ferguson, 
 proposed to him the English law as a pro- 
 fession, a proposition received w4th great 
 pleasure by Charles, His father resolved^ 
 before he entered him of the Temple, to 
 send him to an academy near London to 
 acquire the pronunciation j but, ere^ he 
 set out, took him to visit his Highland 
 friends. 
 
 Before we revisit the Laird, it is neces- 
 sary to mention the sta,te of affairs in 
 his family. On the departure of tke 
 Colonel, as before -mentioned, theRhodo- 
 montades had renewed their operations on 
 the Laird. Rhodomontade himself found 
 means to regain, in part, the good graces of 
 his neighbour j as did his wife and daughter, 
 to effect a coldness betv^^een the Laird 
 and Mess. Longhead and Wiseman. They 
 
 represented 
 
205 DOUGLAS ; of:, 
 
 represented that both these clergymen: 
 valued themselves much on their learning,. 
 and despised those whom they thought 
 their inferiors in that particular. They 
 construed some jocular expressions of Mr. 
 Wiseman into a severe attack on James's 
 understanding, and represented the advice 
 bestov/ed on him by Mr. Longhead,, from 
 motives of friendship, as an insult. Miss, 
 particularly, often turned the conversation 
 on the insolence of these v/ho gave advice 
 to persons wiser than themselves, and de- 
 clared that, for her part, she considered 
 every one who advised another as indi- 
 rectly telling that other, I am wi^,er than 
 you 3 and the follower of the advice as 
 acknowledging that superiority. The sug- 
 gestions made a deep impression on the 
 Laird, who had taken as great a fancy to 
 the sagacity of Miss, as heretofore an 
 Attorney's Clerk did to that of the inge- 
 nious Mr. Partridge. 
 
 M^-.s Molly knew the Laird to be very 
 fond of music, particularly of that tune 
 
 since 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 207 
 
 since known in England under the title 
 of " Jack, a brisk young Drummer, was 
 going on his Duty,"—'" O'er Boggy," 
 '^ Tulloch Gorum," and some others. 
 These she learned and sang in a strain 
 which, though not very melodious, en- 
 raptured honest James. She also pre- 
 tended to feel equal raptures when he 
 played them on the violin. 
 
 Eleanora likevvfise joined in endeavouring 
 to detach the Laird from the two clergymen, 
 whom she hated because they did not pay^ 
 her that attention which she deemed her 
 due. Besides, Longhead was the father of 
 her sister-in-law\ The eiforts of the worthy 
 females v^ere successful: a coldness took 
 place on, the side of the Laird towards' 
 both. As both v/ere conscious they had 
 given hhn no ground for offence they dis- 
 dained to enquire into the cause. 
 
 The Laird's attachment to Miss Molly 
 became stronger than ever, as there was 
 nothing to oppose it, and many things to- 
 increase 'it, 
 
 Meanv/hile, 
 
203 DOUGLAS; ORy 
 
 Meanwhile, a tall strapping West Indian,, 
 came to> Rogue Place. Miss Molly soon: 
 felt for him that affection which she wished 
 the Laird to believe she felt for him.. The 
 West India^n soon perceived his conquest- 
 A very tender intercourse ensued, but 
 managed with such secrecy, as to avoid 
 suspicion. Unexpected business obliged 
 him to set sail for the West Indies sooner' 
 than he intended. Miss Molly was appre- 
 hensive of consequences, and coinmnnicated 
 her fears to her mother, and she to the 
 father. They all agreed that measures- 
 were to be taken to bring matters to an: 
 immediate conclusion with the Laird. 
 
 Rhodomontade hinted^ that if the 
 Laird had been the cause of her appre- 
 hensions he was a man of such honour 
 that he would repair the injury. The hint 
 of the worthy father v/as not thrown away. 
 She demeaned herself with such affection 
 towards the Laird, that she inflamed his 
 passion to a higher pitch than ever, nor 
 could he refrain from warm caresses, whichr 
 
 she 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 209 
 
 she checked with the gentlest reprimands. 
 One day the Laird came to Rogue Place, 
 and after dinner Rhodomontade plied him 
 as much with punch as tended to answer 
 his purpose. The mother v/ent out to see 
 a sick neighbour, Rhodomontade himself 
 pretended to be drunk, and went, he said, 
 to take a nap, taking the Laird's promise 
 not to go away till his return. Left alone 
 with Miss, the Laird began his addresses 
 very strenuously, and, encouraged by her 
 looks, caressed her with an eagerness that 
 soon exceeded all restraint. Miss, after a 
 decent reluctance, was overcome. 
 
 The Laird believing his victory to be 
 the effect of Miss's passion, offered her 
 ever}'- reparation in his power. Soon after 
 he made proposals to the father and 
 mother, which they very graciously ac- 
 cepted. The marriage was speedily con- 
 cluded. On the eighth month, Mrs. 
 Douglas was safely delivered of a son and 
 heir. In this situation were affairs when the 
 Colonel and family arrived in the High- 
 lands, 
 
210 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 lands. Although he disapproved very 
 much of the connection v/hich his brother 
 had formed, as it was now irremediable, 
 he resolved never to mention his sentiments 
 on the subject. IVfo. Douglas endea- 
 voured to render lierself agreeable to her 
 brother-in-law, because there were some 
 points respecting the estate which she had 
 not hitherto effected, and therefore studied 
 to please her husband. She even found 
 means to produce a reconciliation between 
 the two Clergymen and the Laird, taking 
 the blame of the quarrel on herself, pro- 
 fessing she had disliked them, because she 
 thought them against the interest of her 
 affection for the Laird ; but now that she 
 had attained that blessing which she so 
 ardently desired, she was too happy to 
 harbour resentment, or any unpleasing 
 passion. If she tried to please her hus- 
 band's brother and his lady, she did no 
 less to please her husband's, brother's son. 
 It is possible she might not feel all that 
 affection for her husband his fondness me- 
 
 nted», 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 211 
 
 rlted, or which slie professed, and that, her 
 conscience pricking her, she was willing to 
 make up to his relation what she thought 
 herself deficient in to himself. 
 
 We might mention another circumstance 
 which might have some weight with some 
 W'om.en, but which doubtless could have 
 none with the virtuOtis daughter of Rhodo- 
 montade. Oiir hero was nov/ turned of 
 twenty i a majestic height, a form com- 
 bining strength and agility with grace, a 
 flice handsome and manly, a countenance 
 expressing sxveetness, spirit, sensibility, and 
 intelhgence, a mien, air, and gesture cor- 
 responding with the grace, beauty, and 
 force of his person, rendered him at once a 
 strlkincr and interesting; fiorire. Mrs* 
 Douglas, to be sure, took very great plea- 
 sure in contemplating our hero, between 
 whom and her husband she professed to 
 trace a resemblance, by no m.eans obvious. 
 Some might suppose that she meant to 
 compliment the Laird by calling so fine a 
 youth his image. Of that she must be 
 
 acquitted 
 
212 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 acquitted by the reader when informed, 
 that her most ardent contemplations of the 
 young man were when her husband and every 
 other person was absent, her eyes would then 
 tell him for her that she thought him the 
 loveliest youth she ever beheld. To confess 
 the truth she was in love with him, that is, 
 in the sense annexed to the word by Field- 
 ing, in describing the feelings of the vir- 
 tuous Mrs. Waters, Charles, though 
 not altogether unversed in gallantry, did 
 not understand her advances, as he really 
 did not believe any one could be so wicked 
 as to entertain such an idea, in a case of 
 such affinity. But though his soul would 
 have immediately recoiled from such a 
 crime, he was of a very amorous constitu- 
 tion, and had actually made addresses to a 
 buxom Highland lass, of shape and figure 
 not much unlike his aunt's. One evening 
 going up stairs without a- candle, he met a 
 female, whom he supposed to be the maid, 
 and embracing her, had his caresses re- 
 turned with a warmth which Betty had 
 
 never 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 213 
 
 never ventured to indulge. He led her in- 
 to a room and had almost attained his 
 
 wish, when feet being heard on the stairs, 
 the female whispered, in great agitation, 
 " Heavens! we shall be discovered.^' Good 
 God ! what were the emotions of our hero 
 when, in the whisper, he recognized the 
 voice of his uncle's wife! Horror seized 
 him at the thoughts of the act he had been 
 so near committing, (an act v/hich would 
 have embittered his future life,) and for a 
 while suspended the use of his faculties. 
 When he came to himself he retired to his 
 own room, and, after much reflection, feel- 
 ing himself unable to regard Mrs. Douglas 
 without the utmost abhorrence, feigning a 
 head-ache he went to bed, determined the 
 next morning to acknowledge the whole 
 affair to his father, at tiie expence of .pro- 
 bable censure to himself. 
 
 Meanwhile, Mrs. Douglas, who did not 
 want command of countenance, went down 
 to the parlour, and supped with great com- 
 posure with the company, expressing, h^r. 
 
 regret 
 
214 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 regret for Charles's indisposition, and im- 
 puted it to his over-heating himself at the 
 pitching the stone with the young High- 
 landers of the village. Mrs. Douglas really 
 imputed his absence to youthful bashfui- 
 ness and the shame of seeing her after their 
 rencontre, (for she had not the smallest idea 
 that his caresses were designed for another,) 
 and betook herself to meditation on the 
 means of brins;in2; the adventure to the 
 desired issue. After a night uninterrupted 
 and unrelieved by sleep, our hero early in 
 the morning w^ent to his father's apart- 
 ment, and begged for a conversation alone, 
 telling his mother, who was much alarmed 
 at his disturbed appearance, that there was 
 no harm, concerning himself, but some- 
 thing that concerned his uncle, which his 
 father would. presently explain. His father 
 accompanied him to his room, w^hen, with 
 great agitatioji, and taking mmch shame to 
 himself .for .his ow^n levity, he stated the 
 conduct of his aunt. Displeasure at the 
 intended .gallantry of his son v/as to.tally 
 
 swallowed 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 215 
 
 swallowed up in rage against his sister-in- 
 law, and in grief lor his duped and in- 
 fatuated brother. After deliberating for 
 some time, he resolved to take his son 
 away immediately from the company of so 
 abandoned a womian, and, for that purpose, 
 to give out that a\i unexpected affair hur- 
 ried him to Edinburgh, a deceit the more 
 practicable as the Laird knew he was in 
 daily expectation of a call. He went to 
 Mr. Wiseman, requested him to ride to 
 Mr. Longhead^s, and both to meet him and 
 his family at an inn on the Perth road, and 
 explained the shocking cause of his resolu- 
 tion to his lady, requesting her to get ready 
 for immediate departure. The chaise was 
 ordered and every thing in readiness by six 
 o'clock. The Laird who had returned very 
 late with Rhodomontade from a road-meet- 
 ing, both dead drunk, lay snoring a-bed. 
 The Colonel not choosing to come to an 
 explanation so dreadful, on the real cause, 
 until he could meet with his brother alone, 
 
 wrote 
 
216 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 wrote him a note that he had been sufi- 
 denly called to Edn:iburg]i, where he was 
 under the necessity of arrivhig that even- 
 ing, but that he should return, if possible, 
 the following week, and desired he might 
 not be disturbed. The family set out, met 
 their two friends at the inn, and prevailed 
 on them to accompany them to Perth, re* 
 serving all explanation and discussion till 
 their arrival in that city, where they in- 
 tended to spend part of the day. 
 
 Mr. Longhead being informed of the 
 affair, gave it as his opinion, that it would 
 be the wisest mode to defer acquainting 
 the Laird with what would render him so 
 miserable, until there should be some hopes 
 of relief, and predicted that a woman so 
 abandoned, and so indiscreet, must soon 
 afford legal grounds for the dissolution of 
 the connection. Mr. Wiseman, for special 
 reasons, concurred in this opinion, as she 
 had repeatedly made advances to himself, 
 both before and since her marriage. They 
 
 all 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 217 
 
 all agreed to observe silence, unless a change 
 of circumstances should render the con- 
 trary necessar}^ The Colonel and his 
 party, bidding their friends adieu, con- 
 tinued their journey and arrived in Edin- 
 burgh, 
 
 ^ OL T. i.. CHAT 
 
'^IS POUGLAS; OR, 
 
 CHAP, VIII. 
 
 Our Hero sent to England — Journey and Fellow-tra- 
 vellers—History and Character of Miss Bouncer, 
 Governess of a Bcarding-School — Her Learning-— 
 Her Description of Hannibal, the Roman General 
 — Her Conference with our Hero, on Love, Honour, 
 and Secresy — the Coach takes up a young Man, 
 who says he is a Recruiting Officer— -found to be an 
 Oilicer in the Excise — Coming near London, Miss 
 takes a Po?t-Chaise for herself, her Mother, and her 
 Acquaintance — our Hero arrives in London. 
 
 JL HE Colonel, we have said, had re- 
 solved to send his son to an English 
 academy, and wrote to his agent to enquire 
 for a proper seminary. The agent, in con- 
 sequence of a diligent enquiry, recom.- 
 mended Dr. Vampus, an Irish gentleman, 
 near London, as a man who had the cha- 
 rader of being a most excellent teacher, an 
 universal scholar, and admirably qualified 
 for superintending the studies of young 
 men of talents. Hither, then, it had been 
 
 determined 
 
IHE HIGHLANDER. 219 
 
 determined to send our hero, and, in a few 
 days, he parted with his father, mother, and 
 sister, at Edinburgh, and turned his face to 
 the South. 
 
 It was in the middle of June when our 
 hero set out from the Black Bull Inn, in the 
 Royal Charlotte stage-coach, at three 
 oVlock in the morning, in company with 
 three female passengers, an elderly person, 
 her daughter, and friend. During the first 
 stage very little was said — our hero was 
 melancholy — the ladies were asleep. During 
 the second, when they came to the top of a 
 hill, which commanded a very extensive 
 view of the Forth and the coast of Fife, 
 our hero looked mournfully towards Edin- 
 
 •gh, the residence of beloved friends, 
 ro-pected masters, and adored parents. 
 He indulged himself in viewing the orand 
 and commanding battlements that, in 
 the times ^ of war and danger, o-uard^d 
 the capital of a brave and free people. 
 When the coachman, to make up for 
 the slovy-ness of their ascent, drove quickly 
 L2 oJt 
 
220 DOITGLAS^ OR, 
 
 out of sight, our hero, deprived of the in- 
 teresting prospect, indulged his imagina- 
 tion with picturing what he could no 
 longer see. The elderly lady, interrupting 
 his reverie, said, she supposed leaving Edin- 
 burgh put him down in the mouth ; adding, 
 it was natural for a young person to look 
 glum on parting with his friends, but that 
 when he knowed London he would set no 
 store by Edinburgh and them borish places. 
 " I myself were in Scotland in my 
 younger days, and thought it a smartish 
 place enough, but now, as I knows tl>e 
 world, I laughs at my own ignorance in ever 
 liking so stupid, a low-lifed a place. The folks 
 in Edinburgh are so dirty and meaii, and 
 the worst bred est persons, and speaks such , 
 an outlandish lingo — they knows nothing, 
 as my daughter says, of grammar, and 
 them there sort of things. Then they has 
 no amusements like Sadler's Wells, White- 
 Conduit House, Mother Red Cap's, the 
 Hopperas, and Masquelades^ Bagnigge 
 Weils, and the like of those, No, no, in 
 
 London 
 
THE HIGHLANDE-R. 221 
 
 London we knows life, that we does. You 
 will think nothing of Edinburgh when you 
 comes to be acquainted with London.'* 
 
 Her daughter, a large bouncing wench, 
 with carrotty locks, which she herself called 
 auburn, said, that her own chief objections 
 toJEdinburgh were the want of genteel com- 
 pany and rational conversation. 
 
 '* Ah! my friend," said the third, *' you 
 are so much accustom.ed to elegant parties 
 at home, it is not surprizing you should be 
 disgusted by the dullness and aukwardness 
 of the Scotch, and, as to conversation, you 
 are acquainted with the first m^en of the age. 
 But what a charming party that was, tlie 
 Sunday before we set out, at the Jack 
 Straw's Castle. You remember that funny 
 old gentleman, Mr. Curry's story, about 
 Wat Tyler, and Jack Strav/, and the tax- 
 gatherer, ha, ha, ha!" 
 
 Miss Bouncer, the old lady's daughter, 
 
 looked grave at this, and observed, that 
 
 Mr. Curry, though a man of learning and 
 
 sense, often departed from delicacy, other- 
 
 L 3 wise 
 
2'22 DOUGLASS OR, 
 
 wise he would not, in company with la- 
 dies, have colluded to such a subject. — 
 ** I confess, I like many parts of Mr. Curry*s 
 conversation, lie is an ingenus and lamed 
 inan. He and I have often disputed about 
 history — ycu remember his account of 
 riannibal, the Roman General, passing the 
 Alps from France to Italy.'* 
 
 " Who was he, my dear," said the 
 mother, " a Protestant or a Papish?" 
 
 " Mother, mother, I am ashamed of you 
 how often have I advised you to read, tha 
 you might cultivate your mind. A mini 
 without knowledge is like a field without 
 culture. Did you never hear me tell the 
 young ladies who the Romans were } Han- 
 nibal was one of their greatest Generals.'* 
 
 At this cur hero smiled, v/hich the 
 daughter said she could not blam.e, consi- 
 dering hermiother was so ignorant. - She then 
 proceeded to inform the company who the 
 Romans were, with many particulars of 
 their history. Romulus, she told them., 
 founded Rome, and v/as succeeded by 
 
 Tarquin, 
 
 i 
 
 I 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. L^J3 
 
 Tarquin, who was banished for his rude- 
 ness to a lady ; after him Fabius came in 
 play, and then Cssar, who defeated 
 Alexander the Great, at Pharsaiia. She now 
 took it into her head to change seats with 
 the other lady, so tliat she sat opposite to 
 cur hero, and, by this means, had a full 
 view of his very tine countenance — a move- 
 ment that soon abstracted her attention 
 from dead to living objects j finishing her 
 account of Ciesar, by observing, with a 
 simper, that like all fine men, he was 
 very fond of the ladies, Cliarles formed a 
 strange notion of this lady, not so much 
 from her blunders about Hannibal and 
 Alexander, as from occasional observations, 
 such as the last, which he was not ac- 
 customed to hear from young ladies. — 
 Whatever opinion he entertained of her, it 
 is certain she soon entertained a very fa- 
 vourable opinion of him. She was much 
 taken with Douglas, and entered into a 
 conversation with him on a different topick 
 from Alexander or the battle of Pharsaiia,. 
 L4 Our 
 
224 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 Our hero soon conceived an idea that 
 though she had mentioned Tarquin's rude- 
 ness, she did not altogether resemble Lu- 
 cretia. Having good reasons not to be on 
 the reserve before her mother and friend, 
 who were entirely in her confidence, she be- 
 gan to pay him some compliments on his 
 face and figure, asking, with a simper, whe- 
 ther a fair lady was not the cause of his 
 melancholy, making no doubt, she said, 
 that so handsome a young gentleman had 
 made an impression on many a heart. This 
 observation she accompanied with a look 
 which our hero both understood and felt. 
 They soon arrived at Greenlav/, where they 
 were to breakfast. Our hero very politely 
 handed the ladies from the coach, and was 
 favoured with a kind squeeze from Miss. — - 
 On viewing his shape and gait as he walked. 
 Miss v/as still more enamoured of Charles. 
 
 This Miss Bouncer was about five and 
 twenty, a jolly buxom lass. She had some 
 years before met with a misfortune, which, 
 unlike those who discover their distresses to 
 
 excite 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 225 
 
 excite die compassion of their feilow-crea- 
 tures, she took every means to conceal, and 
 knowing the general disposition of man- 
 kind to sympathize with young women, 
 particularly of female friends, she generously 
 wished to spare them the concern the know- 
 ledge of a friend*s disaster causes to feeling 
 females, a concern manifested in active ex- 
 ertions to make the ynisfortune hioiviiy and 
 so procure the compassion to the sufferer. 
 She, her mother, and the other lady in 
 the Ciarriage, bad managed with so much se- 
 cresy, that it was never proved to be true 
 that she had deserved that compassion^ 
 though generally believed and generally as- 
 serted by her intimate friends. Indeed so 
 zealous is the desire of ladies to get their 
 friends pitiedy that, on very slight grounds,, 
 they insist that tKey have met with misfor- 
 tune. Tliis was not the .case, however^ 
 with Miss Bouncer, she Was really the- ob- 
 ject of that compassion of vvhich, in scrip- 
 ture language, " more blessed is the giver 
 than the' receiver?* The cause was an 
 L 3 actor. 
 
226 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 actor. So truly generous is the nature of 
 women that they not only forgive, but 
 love, those who have done them an irre- 
 parable injury. From liking the man. Miss 
 Bouncer liked the profession, but not find- 
 ing herself requited according to her ideas 
 of her own qualifications, she left it in 
 disgust. This she was ^mbled to do with 
 the less detriment to her interest, as a gen- 
 tleman, between whom and her there had 
 subsisted a very intimate friendship, had 
 settled 200l. a year on' her for life, and pre- 
 sented her with a thousand. Besides^ hav- 
 ing a heart disposed for friendship. Miss 
 Bouncer, on the death of her benefactor,, 
 which happened after the settlement, con- 
 tracted an equal . intimacy with another 
 gentleman, a rich rherchant. ' By his assist- 
 ance, in addition to her own property, she 
 was enabled to set up a boarding school for 
 instilling knowlecye and virtiw into the 
 minds of young ladies^,. 
 
 She was then on her return from a jaunt ' 
 during the holidays.^ \xi\itx present profes- 
 
 sioa 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 22T 
 
 sion a certain degree of circumspection was 
 necessary before the public, but before her 
 mother and the other lady, would have 
 been superfluous. She was delighted with 
 our hero's beauty, and wished to make hinx 
 sensible of her own sentiments, which, from 
 his complexion and countenance, she did not 
 conceive to be a difficult attempt^ not that 
 we w^ouid disparage the lady's prowess in 
 the warfare of love, by asserting she could 
 easily be deterred from encountering an an- 
 tagon'st. She was avaliant soldierfrom natu- 
 ral ^^nd. constitutional courage^ and from ge- 
 nius, guided by experience, was a disciplined 
 and able general. She had an enthusiastic love 
 for the serv ice — she was particularly skilled 
 in the means " to urg-e the foe to battle." 
 In this she, indeed, greatly resembled the 
 renowned Hannibal. She immediately com- 
 prehended the dispositions and characters- 
 with which she was to contend. Before 
 the rash and ardent, she, like the great 
 Carthaginian, would pretend to retreat un- 
 til she had drawn him into a defile, from 
 L 6 whicia 
 
228 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 which there was no escaping without a 
 close engagement; she surpassed Hannibal 
 himself in some parts of generalship. She 
 could not only draw on to combat the 
 warm and eager Flamminius and Terentius 
 Varro, but had so artful a mode of skirmish- 
 ing as would provoke the cool veteran ,Fa- 
 bius to enter into battlej^ 
 
 On their return to the coach, she took 
 care to sit next Douglas, and whilst her 
 mother and friend amused themselves with 
 cribbage, she soon saw her assiduities were 
 not unfelt, and entered into a long conver- 
 sation with him, of which love was the chief 
 subject, though, now and then, ^she would 
 endeavour to raise herself in his estimation 
 by a display of that learning which, as a 
 Governess of a boarding school, she was 
 allowed to possess. In passing near Flou- 
 denheld, our hero happening to mention 
 that battle, so mournful to his countrymen, 
 and imputing the victory to the superior 
 conduct of Surrey, and discipline of his troops, 
 but vindicating an equal share of prowess to 
 
 the 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 229 
 
 the Scotch as to the English army, Miss 
 Bouncer, who had all the prejudices of a. 
 true Englishwoman, remarked, that though 
 the Scotch were very brave m^en, yet in all 
 their contests the English were superior. 
 Our hero, who had as much national pre- 
 possession as she, went over all the history 
 of William Wallace, Robert Bruce> and 
 other Scotch heroes, and shewed that,, 
 though the English had occasionally gained 
 great victories, they had not been, on the 
 whole, superior, as the Scotch had preserved 
 their independence. He proceeded to the 
 Highlanders in particular, went over the 
 history of 1745, declaring his abhorrence 
 of the cause, but his admiration of the 
 courage and enterprize by which it was sup« 
 ported, and described Fontenoy, Quebec, 
 Cape Breton, &c. concluding that he never 
 knew British troops beaten by an equal 
 number of foreign; but that the Scotch, 
 and particularly the Highlanders, equalled 
 any of the British forces. This subject so 
 animated our hero as to confer additional 
 
 lustre 
 
230 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 lustre on his eyes, to render his whole coun- 
 tenance more impressive and interesting. 
 He had, though warm, conducted the sub- 
 ject with perfect poUteness. Miss pardoned 
 his opposition, and was more and more capti- 
 vated by his charms and accompHshments. 
 She proceeded no farther on the comparative 
 merits of the two countries, probably 
 thinking union better than competition^ 
 She now turned her discourse upon Scotch 
 music, and conceiving our hero would na- 
 turally be attached to the tunes of his na- 
 tive country, entertained him with several- 
 songs which she had learned in her theatri- 
 cal course, and added one to an Irish tune,, 
 viz. Had la heart, &c. from the Duenna, 
 which she sang with melody, and with a pa- 
 thetic expression, joining and varying some 
 of the words to the tenderest parts, with the 
 accompaniments of looks still more tender, 
 and concluding with so soft and an impas- 
 sioned a sigh as quite captivated our hero. 
 
 Meanwhile the coach arrived at Whitting- 
 ham, where they were to dine. Excellent 
 
 Tweed 
 
THE HIGHLANI>ER. 231 
 
 Tweed salmon made part of the dinner, a 
 dish of which the mother and friend ate so 
 heartily, as to require two full bumpers of 
 brandy, and as they joined our hero and 
 Miss Bouncer after dinner in dispatching 
 two bottles of port, they no sooner re- 
 entered the coach than they fell fast asleep, 
 and snored in concert. Miss, who had 
 drank a sufficient quantity to increase her 
 liveliness,, instead of lulling her to sleep, 
 renewed her advances. One thing, how-^ 
 ever, startled her; she had learned, during 
 dinner, that he was going to the academy 
 of Dr. Vampus. Now^ the Doctor was her 
 neighbour, and they frequently visited,, 
 and thence she foresaw that her residence 
 would be soon known to the youth. Miss. 
 Bouncer was really benevolent ; and though 
 she delighted in conferring happiness, was 
 anxious to conceal her favours. She was satis- 
 fied with her own conscience without the 
 assistance of fame. Very young men, she 
 knew, were, from the ebullitions of her 
 gratitude, apt to celebrate the benefits con- 
 ferred 
 
252 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 ferred on them by the fair. From Intimacy 
 with such ; with a generous self-denial to the 
 pleasures of renown she abstained; con- 
 tented with deserving, she did not seek no- 
 toriety. These considerations somewhat 
 checked her favourable intentions, until she 
 ' should sift the youth on the subjeft of secrecy. 
 She turned the conversation upon honour, 
 particularly that species of it that is con- 
 nected with concealment, and her objections 
 were completely removed. Our hero ventured 
 to bestow very warm caresses on his ena- 
 morata, which were returned with interest. 
 She wliispered him he v^as the loveliest 
 youth she ever beheld, and would be an ex^ 
 cuse for any woman's fondness. At this 
 time one of her com.panions snoring very 
 loud, she said, that, not to be disturbed 
 by them, she was resolved to have a 
 room to herself at the inn, at Newcastle — 
 they arrived — ^Miss went immediately to a 
 separate apartment, our hero soon after 
 took leave of the other ladies for the night. 
 He happened to have the next room to 
 
 Miss, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 25S 
 
 Miss, and having omitted bidding her good 
 night, bethought himself of repairing to 
 her chamber for that purpose. Miss 
 thanked him for his poUteness, and resumed 
 the conversation on love, honour, and 
 secresy. 
 
 From Newcastle to Northallerton our 
 hero and the young lady slept as soundly as 
 the other ladies had done the day before. At 
 Northallerton they were joined by a young 
 gentleman with a cockade in his hat, who 
 said he had been recruiting in the North> 
 and entertained them with a recital of his 
 adventures in a military capacity. He 
 would have, he said, liked very well to 
 have continued, in the country, a recruiting, 
 as he found it very pleasant among some 
 
 d n fine girls, who was ve^y fond of 
 
 him, but that a noble peer had insisted on 
 his coming to London to be presented 
 to His Majesty, previous to his Grace's 
 leaving town for the summer; that the 
 
 Duke was a d d honest fellow, and 
 
 he did not like to disoblige him.. The 
 
 Duke 
 
234 BOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 Duke had promised as be should g^t him a 
 Captain's commission j that he was a prodi- 
 gious favourite with his Grace, and also 
 with the Duchess, and, indeed, all the 
 -Lords and Ladies of the family. Ladj 
 Sclina and Lady Wilhelmina often con- 
 tends which v/ill have me as a partner. 
 Lord Anthony and Lord Edgar is never 
 happy without me. They tell me, by G — d, 
 I am the drollest and most wittiest coinpa- 
 ^nion they ever knew : and then there is 
 -Guzzle, the chaplain, we does make such 
 geame of him. They and I often travels in 
 the stage, in order to get fun with the 
 quizzes one meets with there." 
 
 At this the mother frowned, and looked 
 important — her friend bridled up — Miss 
 Bouncer sneered contemiptuously — and our 
 hero smiled. The officer said, that another 
 reasonfortravellingin stage-coaches was, that 
 they often picked up d — d good pieces. He 
 then began to com^pliment Miss Bouncer in 
 a style of great familiarity, which dis- 
 pleased her very much, both as he was of 
 
 a very 
 
 I 
 
THE HIGHLAKr-ER. 235 
 
 a very ordinary appearance, and was a bar to 
 her conversation with our hero. Douglas 
 had said very little during this discourse, 
 from which the Captain, very unfortunately 
 for himself, supposed him a simple raw lad, 
 and began to make him the subject of his 
 wit, in order to raise himself in theestima-- 
 tion of the ladies by the depression of the 
 other^ 
 
 " So, Mr. Sawney, you are going to Lon- 
 don, are you r yes, yes, I knows as how 
 you Scotchmen likes to leave your own 
 
 d d country to feed upon us. It is 
 
 better than your own famished mountains. 
 Roast beef and pudding is better than oat- 
 meal gruel. I v/ishes .as^,there was a law to 
 prevent them lousy Scotch foreigners from 
 over-running us as the locusts did the 
 
 Our hero was too young to regard this 
 piece of ribaldry vjith. the deserved con- 
 tempt, but too brave to quarrel before 
 women, when not attacked by actual 
 violence- He, therefore^ endeavoured to 
 
 stifle 
 
236 DOUGLAS ; OR, 
 
 stifle his resentment until they should ar- 
 rive at the next stage, which he understood 
 was not far off. The Captain went on — 
 
 "the Scotch officers are such d n 
 
 mean, dirty scoundrels, that, by G — d, land 
 seven other-s of the most respectable of our 
 regiment always sends them to Coventry, 
 that we does." 
 
 Miss Bouncer, to please our hero, took 
 up the subject, and declared that the Scotch 
 officers, whom she had seen, were genteel,^ 
 well-informed men, as, indeed, were, the 
 Englisii ; that those of both countries had 
 the language, education, and behaviour of 
 gentlemen, and when she met any person cal- 
 ling himself such, who shewed himself by his 
 conversation and m.anners not a gentleman, 
 she concluded him^iot to be of the profession 
 and rank he asserted. Whilst the Captain, 
 v/ho was not quick at any thing, but still 
 less in applying censure to himself, was 
 pondering on this speech, the coach arrived 
 at Weatherby, where they were to dine. 
 Our hero saw the ladies to an apartment 
 
 and 
 
THE HIGHLAKDER. 237 * 
 
 and returned in quest of the Captain, de- 
 termined to chastise him, so as to prevent a 
 repetition of his impertinence. 
 
 When he returned to the yard, a post- 
 chaise from the South was just driving to . 
 the gate, from which descended a gentle- 
 man and a servant. The gentiem.an went 
 into the house; the servant espying the 
 Captain, ran up to him, took him very 
 cordially by the hand, calling " Ned, how 
 dost? I hope hast secured the pleace." Ned 
 looked confused and made no answer. 
 This his friend observing, and, at the same 
 time, espying the cockade, "whathas't lost 
 the pleace and art listed?" Ned slunk 
 away. " So then,'* said our hero to the 
 fellow^ '* this person is not a Captain?" 
 " A Captain," replied the other, laughing, 
 *^ no, no, he w^as my fellow sarvant, and the 
 'Squire got him an exciseman's pleace at 
 Northallerton; but I suppose he has been 
 at some of his old tricks, and got into a 
 scrape, he looks so glum. He often used 
 to get measter's clothes and go a courting, 
 
 and, 
 
258 DOUGLAS; or, 
 
 and, as he is a hell of a coward, often got 
 licked. Measter missir.g several things of 
 value, found him out to hae ta'en 'urn, and 
 £0, Sir, he turned Ned off; but as he knows 
 a thing or two of measter, the \Squire gave 
 him a good character and got him the pleace 
 as I mentioned/' 
 
 This account entirely removed the re- 
 sentm.ent of our hero, w^iich was before 
 pretty well stifled by contempt. The 
 worthy officer did not choose to go farther 
 in the corxh. After dinner our hero pro- 
 ceeded with the ladies. At Earnby Moor, 
 vvhere they supped. Miss Bouncer proposed 
 to halt, till the next morning, to rest. To 
 this they all agreed, and the coachman was, 
 by strong arguments, prevailed on to ac- 
 commodate the travehers. The other two 
 ladies indulged them.selves in a very hearty 
 glass, and Miss Bouncer not choosing to 
 witness so glaring a departure from pro- 
 priety in her venerable and venerated 
 parent, respectable and respected friend, re- 
 tired. In the morning they set elf, 'all par- 
 ties 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 230 
 
 ties pleased with the amusements of the 
 evening, arrived at Biggleswade, where Mi^s 
 proposed leaving the stage-coach, and pro- 
 ceeding the remainder of the journey in a 
 post-chaise the following day. ?vliss had 
 concerted with our hero, that they should 
 separate here, and he not proceed until the 
 afternoon. This arrangement arose frcni 
 the same magnanimous self-denial to the 
 pleasures of fame which vve have before 
 celebrated. It was also agreed that ?vliss 
 should proceed to her own house with her 
 friends, leave them there, return to town, 
 i3nd meet our hero at a place which she ap- 
 pointed, pass the evening together, meet 
 next morning by accident in the same 
 stage, she find out he was going to Dr. 
 Vam^pus's, invite him, out of politeness, to 
 visit her, as a gupil of her friend, the Doctor. 
 Every part of this plan was executed, and 
 every part of it to the perfect satisfixtion. 
 of the gentleman and lady. 
 
 CHAP. 
 
240 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 CHAP. IX, 
 
 Our Hero arrives at Doctor Vampus's. — A short 
 History -of the Doctor. — His wojidcrful Learning, 
 and wonderful Virtue. — Intimate Friendship be- 
 tween the Doctor and Miss Bouncer. — Strict 
 Friendship between Governors and Governesses 
 of Boarding Schools conducive to the Propagation 
 of Leaniing. 
 
 UR hero set olT in a stage coach to the 
 village in which Dr. Vampus's house was 
 situated. In the coach, among other pas- 
 sengers, he met with a grave sensible lady, 
 with whom (the others occasionally joining) 
 he entered into some conversation, in the 
 course of which he informed the company 
 he was going to be under the tuition of 
 Dr. VaniDus, to finish his studies. The 
 lady (whom before some person in the 
 coach had addressed by the name of Miss 
 Bouncer) opened in praise of the Doctor's 
 abilities, knowledge, and goodness, and 
 said, that the young gentleman would find 
 
 there 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 24-1 
 
 there every thing that could contribute to 
 rational pleasure, and to utility; that 
 there, from precept and example, every 
 one might improve in politeness, learning, 
 wisdom, benevolence, and, what is highest 
 of all, religion. — The coach now arriving 
 at a place where one road led tov.^ards the 
 village, and the other towards a heath, 
 near which Miss Bouncer's house was sit-u- 
 ated. Miss Bouncer left them, very ci- 
 villy teUing our hero she would be very, 
 glad to see him with Doctor and Mrs. 
 Vampus. Our hero very politely thanked 
 her, and promised to avail himself of her 
 invitation. In a few minutes the stage 
 stopped at the Academy, and our hero 
 was received with many protestations of. 
 kindness by the Doctor and his lady. 
 
 Dr. Vampus v/as an Irish gentleman, 
 who had acquired a very high character, 
 and a very flourishing school. By most of 
 his acquaintances he was looked on as a 
 man of vast natural talents, and universal 
 learning. A grammarian, a rhetorician, a 
 
 VOL. I. M philosopher. 
 
242 DOUGLASS OR, 
 
 philosopher, a mathematician, a historian, 
 a politician, and every thing like the Greek 
 in Juvenal. 
 
 " Qiiemvis hominen sectim attulit ad 720s,** 
 Anglice — A?i imported Jack of all trades » 
 
 His benevolence equalled his abilities 
 and knowledge.- -He never failed to em- 
 brace, and, indeed, create opportunities of 
 communicating his wonderful erudition; 
 y*ot to the learned^ as to them it would 
 not have been so peculiarly useful, hut to 
 zHe iinleai^ed, who most wanted instruc- 
 tion. Ladies in general have not made 
 classical literature, mathematical, and me- 
 taphvsical science, objects of attention. 
 That deficiency the Doctor saw and re- 
 >Tretted. With a view to incite them to 
 such studie* he, in their compan)^ cele- 
 brated iht prai-ses of Horace, Virgil, Taci- 
 rus, Livy, Demosthenes, and Homer; of 
 £ucli(i, Maclaurin, and Nev/ton; of 
 Locke, Reid, and Aristotle, with many 
 
 ether 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 243 
 
 Other eminent historians, orators, poets, 
 and philosophers ; harangued on the beauty, 
 dignit}^ and force of the Latin, and much 
 more of the Greek, tongue; and repeated 
 passages in both languages to the astonished 
 and admiring audience. Nay, so Hberal 
 was he of learned communication to the un- 
 learned, that a glazier never came to put 
 in a pane of glass, a carpenter to mend 
 the boy's lockers, a footman, or maid 
 servant, with a message, without receiving 
 a large allowance of Latin and Greek. He 
 v/ould tell a drayman that the horses 
 trotting over the stones after the dray was 
 empty, resembled the polupholisboio 
 thalasses of the Mseonian bard. He would 
 tell an hostler of the Bucephalus of Alex- 
 ander. Once having heard a lesson in 
 Anacreon, he told a Naiad who was 
 vending her marine stores, and who 
 disdaining unnatural restraints in part of 
 her figure, resembled that beautiful ani- 
 mal into which the jealousy of Juno 
 metamorphosed lo, that slie was like 
 the Koure Bathukolpos of the lyric 
 M 2 poet, 
 
214- DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 poet. Economy is the nurse of muni- 
 ficence. That he might have stores of 
 learning to bestow on the unlearned, he, 
 with a rigid parsimony, abstained from 
 giving any to the learned. 
 
 This prodigy of erudition was a native 
 of the county of Clare, and had received 
 his school education at Killaloe, on 
 " Shannon's Flowery Banks.*' Like some 
 other eminent men he, in his earlier years, 
 did not give signs of that distinguished 
 genius which so many afterwards esteemed 
 him to possess. The n:iaster, not sup- 
 posing him destined for any of the muses, 
 advised his parcjits to commit his tui- 
 tion to a person, who, though not 
 versed in the-, Ivlctamorphoses of Ovid, 
 had the art of metamorphosing trees 
 into chairs, tables, and bedsteads. The 
 advice Vv^as followed. With this pre- 
 ceptor^ Mr. Vamp us remained seven years, . 
 Nor did he even then exhibit those extra- 
 ordinary talents- for which he became after- 
 wards so renowned. His tutor used io say 
 he could trust him to fell trees, saw timber, 
 
 or 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 2lD 
 
 or do any thing else that required strength 
 of hand; but could never get liim to 
 groove, design, or do any thing else to 
 any purpose that required ingenuity ot 
 head. His father dying, and leaving him 
 some money, he left the carpentry business, 
 and returned to court the coy muses. 
 After being some years again at school, ha 
 was promoted to the dignity of an usher, 
 and taught young men the various ending?* 
 of the vvord Musa, in consideration of the 
 regard vvhich he professed to the nine. 
 Now his genius began to dilate j in three 
 years he was promoted to instruct the 
 pupils in Ovid's Epistles. 
 
 It was a wise and profound remark of 
 that eminent philosopher, 'Squire Westerns 
 " that it is better to see a daughter over 
 modest than forward." This observation, 
 supported by so distinguished authority, 
 and sanctioned by the applause of that no 
 less eminent divine. Parson Supple, may, 
 in some degree, apply to sons as well as 
 daughters. Tiiat modesty is becoming ia 
 M 3 , men, 
 
246 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 men, as well as women, the learned clergy- 
 man just mentioned, proves, beyond all 
 controversy, '' because the Greeks and 
 Romans thought so.'* The greater the 
 merit, the more valuable, it will be allowed, 
 (perhaps, even without a quotation from 
 the Greeks and Romans.) is the modesty. 
 With v/hat pleasure, then, will the reader 
 hear, that modesty failed not to attend the 
 extraordinary merit of Mr. Vampus. A 
 striking instance of that virtue v;e shall 
 proceed to record. So diffident was this 
 promising youth of his own powers and 
 acquirements, that he, before he attempted 
 to give a lesson in Ovid, studiously pre- 
 pared it by the help of a trajislation. 
 Wisely considering that to boast of mo- 
 desty v/ould be absurd, he never made 
 public this laudable mark of his diffidence. 
 The self-denial, as the reader- will perceive, 
 deprived him also of the praise due to his 
 diligence. From this modesty he chose 
 his intimates from among the lower ranks 
 of the classics, rather than the higher. 
 
 His 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 247 
 
 ais prh?ie favourite was Corderius; Eutro- 
 pius also came in, at last, for a great share 
 of his good graces — we say, at last, as for 
 a long time he thought him very difficult 
 of access, but with true christian meekness 
 forbore making that inaccessibiUty a sub- 
 ject of complaint. The precept, " Speak 
 not evil of dignities," he out did, he spoke 
 well of them, even altiiough they did not 
 deserve it at his hands. Tacitus, Juvenal^ 
 Thucydides, Demosthenes, and Plato, 
 though not ptrsoiially acquainted with 
 ihejUy lie often and loudly praised; indeed; 
 much more than stlectcc lectiones, and liis 
 other cronies, with whom he found himself 
 almost at home. His enemies, and the best 
 and wisest are not v/ithout them, alledeed 
 that Mr. Vampus wt,s not free from the 
 vanity of pretending to intimacy with 
 grandees, whom he knew only by siglit-. 
 That, however, is probably a malicious 
 allegation, if it should be true, it leads to 
 the following very just, profound, and 
 original reflections, that every man has lijs 
 M 4 faulf*. 
 
21-8 DOUGLASS OK, 
 
 fault, and that tYtn Irishmen themselves will 
 some I lines ditNi2L{tiion\ modesty. According 
 to these detractors, Mr. Vampus would talk 
 of Sallust and Livy, as noblemen of the 
 easiest m.anners; who were always at home 
 to him, though, in fact, he had never been 
 in their houses, or, at most, only in the 
 anti-chamber; he would praise the affabi- 
 lity, sense, and virtues of Horace, though 
 •he had never spoken to him, unless through . 
 Christopher Smart, one of his footmen. 
 It mmst be owned that he did fi"equent the 
 •company of footm.en, and that even his 
 iiiilmacy with Mr. Eutropius commenced 
 through that person's servant, for he too 
 must have one; as to Cordery, as the 
 reader may perhaps knov/, so humble is he 
 that his man and he are never asunder. 
 
 After Mr. Vampus had taught Ovid for 
 for several months, the master pretended 
 the boys were making no progress, and 
 having detected him consulting a transla- 
 tion, during the lesson, for a word he had 
 forgotten, insisted on examining him. 
 
 Perhaps, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. ^49 
 
 Perhaps, the reader may think it would 
 have been as wise to have examined him 
 before his promotion, as after; -^out, they 
 must ahow this not to be the only instance 
 Vv^lierein ascertainment of qualifications does 
 not precede promotion. Be that as it ma}', 
 examine him he did, and sorry are we to 
 say, that the report was not favourable. 
 Mr. Vampus, for the sake of variety, very 
 frequently gave different accounts of thf 
 same transaction. Of this examination he 
 gave two; by one he imputed the master's 
 censure to envy of his superior talents; bv 
 another he ascribed it to his own policy, that 
 he wanted to leave that place^ and could 
 not fall on any other expedient than pretend- 
 ing ignorance. On dcp^arting from ihe 
 school, he bethought him.self of going over 
 to England. He did not choose to apply 
 for a recommendatory certificate, to his 
 late employer, as the same envy, which he 
 had already displayed^ would hinder lilm 
 from giving one that could answer any 
 good purpose J but, as he had conceived 
 M 5 one 
 
250 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 one to be necessary, he sat down and xvrote \ 
 a very high character of himself-^ this a 
 friend copied, and kindly subscribed it, 
 with the name of the master of the 
 school. 
 
 So recommended and qualified, he set 
 out for London, and soon after hearing of 
 a master of an academy who wanted an 
 usher, he waited on him, produced the 
 certificate of his abilities, and was ap- 
 pointed. This gentleman had a daughter, 
 to whom, and to her father, Mr. Vampus 
 rendered himself so agreeable, that he soon 
 married the lady, and was admitted to the 
 management af the school. He had not 
 been long master before he procured the 
 degree of "Doctor of Laws,*^ from a 
 Northern seminary, remarkable for its 
 liberality in the bestowal of literary titles. 
 
 The learned MaFtinus Scriblerus observes, 
 that every man of noble birth has every 
 good quality inherent in him, whether 
 exerted or not. It is not birth only that 
 has the privilege of conferring merit without 
 
 the 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 251 
 
 tlie trouble of action. The same advan- 
 tage adheres to various circumstances. A 
 certain conical cap, called a mitre, is not 
 merely an ornament to the outside of the 
 head, but contains a spirit which penetrates 
 into the skull^ and, though the said skull 
 may have before been hollow, it fills it 
 with brains; the proprietor becomes learned 
 and wise. Descending lov/er it instils into 
 the heart, charity, meekness, humility, 
 holiness, and every other moral and chris- 
 tian virtue, and that without the labour 
 and expence of exercising t\^m in the 
 common affairs of life. A high appoint- 
 ment in the state, bestows capacity on the 
 holder, and fills his mind with pohticai 
 information and science, v/ithout the trou- 
 ble of study and reflection, Mr. Vampus 
 is a striking instance of the efHcacy of titl-^ 
 and situation in bestovving excellence, since, 
 from the parts and literature we have com- 
 memorated, he, on being dubbed a doctor, 
 :;t one bounce, reached the genius, ex:en- 
 M 6 scvc< 
 
252 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 sive, and prcfound erudition, which we 
 celebrated in the beginning of this chapter. 
 Doctor Vampus was too wise a man to 
 regard, in a wife, so fading a quality as 
 beauty. Mrs. Vampus was not eminently 
 handsome. She was tall, flat chested, 
 with a tawny skin, large mouth, pinking 
 eyes, and a short nose. ^ Her temper was 
 not altogether so agreeable as could be 
 wished, bemg fretful and captious » Her 
 neighbour. Miss Bouncer, saw,, with much 
 concern, the faults of Mrs. Vampus, with 
 whom she was extremely intimate, and 
 often lamented them to the Doctor, with 
 whomx she was still more intimate -, and as 
 compassion is unavailing without consola- 
 tion, she did every thing in her power to 
 make up to him for the defects of the 
 lad'-. The worthy man and she were of 
 great service to each other, by reciprocal 
 recommendations. The one never let slip 
 an opportunity of celebrating th^ other, as 
 eminently qualified for forming, both by 
 
 precept 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 253 
 
 precept and example, youth to sense, 
 knowledge, religion, and morality. 
 
 There appears to be something in cer- 
 tain situations tending to excite the sym- 
 pathy of love. In domestic societies, the 
 butler and the cook, the valet de chambre 
 and lady's maid, the hind and the dairy 
 maid, the footman and the house maid, 
 are generally linked together in the same 
 bonds of affection. This evidently arises 
 from a coincidence of general views, which 
 opens the mind more to the special sym- 
 pathy. In preceptorial society, the usher 
 and the usheress, the master and governesses^ 
 are often united in love. 
 
 Great and manifold are the advantao;es 
 arising to society from a proper -sympathy 
 between teachers of diiferent sexes. Com- 
 paring the results of their separate expe- 
 rience, they can form the m.ost efficacious 
 plans for instruction. 
 
 The Doctor had acquired a very great 
 renown as a teacher, and v/as entrusted 
 with the charge of young men, in every 
 stage of their education, often of those, 
 
 who 
 
254- DOUGLAS j ORj 
 
 who had gone through the course at Eton 
 and Westminster, and he being eminent for 
 finishing their studies^ and sometimes with 
 gentlemen of the Universities, during the 
 vacations. Indeed, there was no branch 
 of literature or science, which the Doctor - 
 would not undertake to teach. Among 
 others, the fame of Doctor Vampus had 
 reached Mr. Advance, Colonel Douglas's 
 agent, they became acquainted, and he 
 recommended him to the Colonel. 
 
 Dr. Vampus had heard from Mr. Ad- 
 vance, and also Mrs. Advance, of the 
 progress of our hero in his studies, had 
 prepared a conversation, which he con- 
 ceived would give his pupil a high notion 
 of his talents and qualifications. He be- 
 gan with interrogating him what classical 
 authors he had last dipt into. Our hero 
 answered, that he had lately been reading 
 the Annals of Tacitus, tlie Satires of Juve- 
 nal, the Tragedies of Sophocles, and the 
 Orations of Demosthenes. Those were all 
 
 authors 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 255 
 
 authors on whom the Doctor never ventured 
 rashly; but having furnished himself with 
 literal translations^ made a shift. Be- 
 fore he began, after careful preparation, to 
 hear lessons in them, he laid several in 
 store that he mig^ht not be overdrawn be- 
 fore he had time to have his literary ac- 
 count credited by new effects. A mis- 
 fortune, however, had lately happened to 
 a volume of Gordon's Tacitus, and, un* 
 luckily, that volume, the original of which 
 Douglas was reading. The Doctor, there- 
 fore, saw it expedient either to postpone the 
 study of that historian, until he could 
 procure a fresh copy of Gordon, or to read 
 another part of which the translation was 
 not lost, for still was his modesty such that, 
 notwithstanding his own wonderful learning, 
 he trusted to the explanation of others. 
 He proposed, therefore, that our hero 
 should read the treatise on the manners of 
 the Germans. Tacitus, he said, was a 
 favourite author with him. He had been 
 solicited hj eminent literary authors to 
 
 translate 
 
256 DOUGLAS : OR, 
 
 translate him into English, and add notes, 
 philosophical, moral, and political, and 
 was actually engaged in the work,, but it 
 was not yet ripe for publication. He would 
 have been farther advanced had he not 
 been engaged in controverting his friend 
 Aristotle in some of his positions in politics. 
 " He is, in my opinion," said Vampus, " too 
 friendly to democracy, and visionary in his 
 theories. It v/ould have been much wiser of 
 him to have followed his master Plato, and 
 reasoned from experience, instead of framing 
 plausible hypotheses.'* At this observation 
 our hero, who was not ignorant either of 
 the opinions or reasonings of the two phi- 
 losophers, was a good deal surprized; on 
 reflection, however, he looked on it as a 
 lapsus ii7ig2icc; and, that the Doctor had 
 inadvertently used the name of the one, 
 when he meant the other. 
 
 He proceeded next to the drama, as- 
 serted that there could be no good plays 
 without a rigid adherence to the three 
 uniticsy and quoted the opinion of Doctor 
 
 Johnson^ 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 257 
 
 Jolvisojiy In support of his position. Ourhero, 
 who had read Johnson's Preface to Shak- 
 speare, conjectured that the Doctor made in- 
 tentional blunders to try his progress in cri- 
 ticism. He did the Doctor very great in- 
 {ustice; for, though that worthy man often 
 employed the species of discourse, com- 
 monly called nonsense^ his use of it arose 
 from the understanding, not from, the will. 
 Often as he spoke nonsense^ he spoke it 
 not knoicing it to he such', but, as our 
 hero v>^as not yet acquainted with him, he 
 thought otherwise, and said, with a smile, 
 that he saw the Doctor wanted to catch 
 him, but that he had read Johnson, and 
 considered the end of tragedy to be, " to 
 copy nature, and instruct life;'' and 
 shewed, that nature could be copied in ail 
 her modifications and varieties, and life 
 instructed through that imitation, without 
 attention to the unities of time and place, 
 and that he knew the Doctor was really 
 of the same opinion, althougli he sup- 
 ported the contrary to expose him. The 
 
 Doctor 
 
258 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 Doctor perceiving he was in the wrong box, 
 hastily acknowledged our hero had spoken 
 his own very sentiments, and had expressed 
 rightly his motive for pretending the con- 
 trary. His friend Sam, he said, had often 
 consulted him while writing, both the pre- 
 face to Shakspeare, and lives of the other 
 poets. He now talked of Perseus, whom 
 he thought a very perspicuous writer. 
 Livy, Sallust, Virgil, and Horace, no 
 doubt, had many excellencies, and were 
 very proper for students. He himself must 
 confess, he would now and then take them 
 up for amusement, but they were too easy 
 to attract a real scholar; and he wished 
 there was more in them to stimulate exer- 
 tion. The same objection he had to Ho- 
 mer, Demosthenes, and many other wri- 
 ters. A young gentleman who was present 
 observed, that it was no wonder the Doctor 
 thought slightly of Homer, Cicero, and 
 Sophocles, as he was so very familiar with 
 their writings 3 as the finest prospects make 
 little impression on those who are daily 
 
 conversant 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 259 
 
 conversant with them. At this remark 
 the Doctor simpered, and then proceeding 
 from the classics to modern authors, gave 
 his sentiments concerning their several 
 merits. He spoke highly in praise of 
 Shakspeare, declared he understood every 
 word of him, lamented so m.uch of him 
 was unintelligible to the bulk of readers, 
 and wished he had time to dispel the mist 
 in which, to weak eyes, he appeared to be 
 involved. He exclaimed against the 
 Com.m.entators on Sir Isaac Newton, for 
 spending time In explaining what was so 
 evident. Locke and Hutchenscn were 
 good summer reading. 
 ■ A lady took the opportunity of a pause in 
 the Doctor's discourse, to express, in a whis- 
 per, her admiration of his wonderful learning, 
 he over-hearing her, reminded her that she 
 had committed a trespass j for you know, 
 my dare madam, my friends are so partial 
 to me, that they often put me to the blush 
 v/ith their commendations. I have, therefore, 
 he said, made it a rule, that they never 
 
 praise 
 
(^60 DOUGLASj OR, 
 
 praise me to my face. I have not all the 
 learning the world supposes, there are many 
 people superior to me. "Oh, Doctor 1" re- 
 plied the lady, " superior to you 1" "You will 
 trespass," said he, smiling; "but, really and 
 sincerely, I believe, that though I may not 
 have very many my superiors, there are 
 some my equals j at least, I rather think 
 so^ perhaps, indeed, there are not many 
 who have endeavoured , remember ladies 
 and gentlemen, I say endeavoured^ to ac- 
 quire the knowledge of such a multiplied 
 variety of subjects : indeed, my late worthy 
 friend Hume would say, tliat none whoni 
 he knew had actually read so m.uch ; but 
 he was partial. We were very good friends. 
 Often were Smith, and he, and I, together. 
 Johnson used to blame me for keeping 
 company with an infidel. To oblige m^y 
 friend David, I took pains in revising and 
 correcting his history. I advised him not 
 to lean so much towards presbytery and 
 repuhUcanism, Ke left out the most 
 whiggish passages, but still he had a 
 
 hankering 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 261 
 
 hankering after the presbytery. Johnson 
 disapproved much of his histor}^ I have 
 discovered^ you must know, Johnson rather 
 incUnes to toryism; and another thing I 
 have found out in him is, that he disUkes 
 Scotchmen.'' 
 
 The lady hearing Johnson named, said, 
 she had lately met his friend Mr. BosweH, 
 who w^as a most wonderful ingenious man, 
 and had a vast share of learning. With 
 this remark the Doctor concurred, ob- 
 serving, that Mr. Boswell was one of the 
 most discriminating and profound men he 
 had conversed with, and that it was re- 
 ported he was collecting materials for a 
 life of Johnson, and that it would be a 
 very great addition to biography ^ that he 
 had considered the Doctor's life, conver- 
 sation, and behaviour, with the most exact 
 attention i and that it was from Mr. Boswell 
 he first learned that Doctor Johnson was 
 fond of tea. 
 
 The lady said, she believed Mrs. Piozzi 
 was no less acquainted with the Doctor's 
 
 mind 
 
262 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 hilnd and manners, than Mr. BoswelL 
 She had met with Mrs. Piozzi lately 
 at a route, and they had much talk about 
 Dr. Johnson, during the deals; that 
 the Doctor liked peaches, and veal pie, 
 with sugar and plumbs; but what she 
 remarked most of all was, his great fond- 
 ness for boiled pork. The lady hoped, 
 Mrs. Piozzi would also favour the world 
 with a life of Johnson. Dr. Vampus, with 
 gravitj^, rem.arked, that Dr. Johnson was 
 uncouth in his manners, as my friend Ovid, 
 would say, riidis indigestaque moles. The 
 lady concurred in this original ingenious 
 observation. The Doctor explained the 
 quotation for her information and in- 
 struction. Dinner intermpted the learned 
 discourse. 
 
 After dinner, our hero retired with the 
 other young gentlemen, who had been 
 present during the display of their pre- 
 ceptor's literature. The Doctor soon after 
 withdrew, to walk, he said, on the heath 
 wdth his boys, but took an opportunity 
 
 ci 
 
THE HIGHLAKDER. ^Qo 
 
 of calling to jDay a friendly visit to Miss 
 Bouncer, and congratulated her on her safe 
 return. She expressed much pleasure at 
 the- sight of the worthy man, assuring him 
 that she had not enjoyed any happiness 
 when absent. 
 
 Vfhilt the Doctor and Miss Bouncer" 
 were together, our hero walked in com- 
 pany with Mr. Sidney, the other young 
 gentleman, who entered into a discourse 
 calculated to sound Charles's depth. Sid- 
 ney was now in his twentieth year, had 
 been at Eton School, was an excellent 
 classical scholar, and had made considerable 
 progress in other parts of literature. Our 
 hero displayed such powers and knowledge, 
 as surprized Sidney, who soon after meet- 
 ing one of his companions, took him 
 aside, and declared that the Scotchman 
 must soon smioke our Doctor. He 
 gave an account of what had happened 
 between him and our hero, and also of 
 the learned conversation of the Doctor, 
 
 on 
 
Q61^ DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 on Douglas's introduction. They then 
 rejoined our hero. After the first compli- 
 ments, Spencer, Sidney's friend, called out 
 to Douglas, " So, the Doctor has been open- 
 ing his budget to you.'* 
 
 " Yes," said Sidney, " the whole bag 
 was emptied. Mr. Hume gave him his 
 history to revise. He is translating Taci- 
 tus and Aristotle. He finds Horace and 
 Livy too easy. He v/ished he had time 
 to explain the seeming obscurity of Shak- 
 spe^ire. Sir Isaac Newton's commentators 
 were idle, in spending time and labour on 
 what was obvious -, with the whole rig- 
 marole that you have heard a hundred 
 times.'* 
 
 *' I thought," said Charles, " the 
 Doctor had been reckoned a very learned 
 man." 
 
 •* He is," replied the other, "as any 
 one will be, who eternally talks on learned 
 subjects before those who know nothing 
 about, them. It Vv^as the fame of his learn- 
 ing that made our fathers send us here. 
 
 By 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 2o5 
 
 By G — d, if they know him as well as we 
 do, they would fetch us off in a hurry . 
 They never saw him but once, and then 
 he talked so finely, and paid them such 
 attention, that they were delighted with 
 him; and our mothers^ who often came 
 to see us, (having less to do at \\oiVxC,) praise 
 him to the skies y 
 
 " I found him out in a few days, by a gross 
 blunder I heard him make, in ccnstruiijg 
 Sallust to a boy. The boy asked him the 
 meaning of novas tabulas^ which Catiline 
 promised his accomplices, w4iich you know 
 means, an abolition of debts, or a sponge 
 to begin on a new score; a great temptation 
 to profligate fellows overwhelmed with 
 debts, to attem.pt the subversion of a 
 constitution. The Doctor would have it 
 to mean 7iew pictures^ as if men w^ould 
 plot the ruin of their country to get nev/ 
 pictures. But we soon discovered much 
 grosser blunders, on every subject, onvvhich 
 he tried to appear learned; however, we 
 find it a pleasant place enough. He sus- 
 
 voL. I. N pects 
 
Q66 DOUGLAS; or, 
 
 pects zve knozo him^ and lets us do what 
 we please; read novels, play at cards, get 
 in wine, stay out all night; thinking, that 
 by letting us do as zve like, he zvill pre- 
 vent us from exposing his ignorance. 
 Indeed we do not, unless to young gen- 
 tlemen, whose knowledge we see to be such 
 that they must discover him, which is not 
 the case, I assure you, with all the 
 grown-up scholars here. We also, in 
 return for his indulgence, assist him in 
 keeping the younger boys in order, and 
 impressing them with a high opinion of 
 the Doctor, and we pufF him off to the 
 parents. He is himself capital at that, 
 and has manifold expedients for passing the 
 shadoiv for the substance of education 
 and improvement. He pretends to make 
 the boys speak Latin as fluently as English, 
 and has- them publicly examined to shew 
 their proficiency. The boys get by heart 
 certain dialogues, composed by the usher 
 for the purpose, question and answer. A 
 friend of the Doctor's, pretending to talk ex- 
 tempore, asks them questions, to which 
 
 they 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 267 
 
 they return the answers that have been 
 dunning into them for six months, and so 
 the boys are thought fine scholars, though 
 many of them cannot decline Gradus ; the 
 parents are pleased , and the master celebrated 
 for his abilities and skill. He also makes 
 them shew off in history, geography, and 
 mathematics. There is a boy of twelve 
 years old, who has a good memory, that 
 went over the first book of Euclid, 
 and conned over the 47th for a month. 
 He could begin with " Let A^ B, C, be a 
 right angled triangle, right angled at the 
 point A,'' and go through as fluently as a 
 parson runs over Athanasius's Creed. The 
 boy, who does not iinderstand the defini- 
 tions and axioms, was praised for his m.a- 
 thematical knowledge, and the Doctor 
 celebrated as another Sir Isacic Newton, 
 though he never passed th.^ pojis asi nor urn, 
 "He talked of M'Laurin*s Algebra, when 
 he cannot make out two sums together, 
 in vulgar fractions, without turning to the 
 
 ke^r 
 
 The youths, for the present, finished their 
 N 2 eiilo^ium 
 
268 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 euloglum on the Doctor. Our hero soon 
 found, from his own observation, that the 
 account of his comrades was far from beino: 
 
 o 
 
 exaggerated, and that the Doctor's hterary 
 qualifications were very confined. He one 
 day took occasion to offer to the Doctor 
 to translate Horace's Art of Poetry, which 
 he himself knew well, and trusting to his 
 own discoveries, and the opinions of his 
 companions, ventured, in two or three in- 
 stances, to depart from w^hat he knew to be 
 the meaning. The Doctor had suffered 
 him to perform the exercise, under the 
 idea that Charles was perfectly acquainted 
 with the original, and that his version 
 would require no correction. On perusing 
 the version he saw something of it must be 
 wrong, but could not tell why. Smart, 
 unfortunately, could not be openly con- 
 sulted, and he had not had time to pre- 
 pare the letter to the Pisos,with Chris- 
 lopher's assistance. He therefore thought 
 it best to make small corrections, and de- 
 clare himself highly pleased with the per- 
 formance on the wholes leaving the most 
 
 important 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 269, 
 
 important deviations from Horace's mean- 
 ing without censure, or, indeed, remark. 
 As the knowledge of our hero was much 
 more extensive than that of any of his com- 
 rades, though very good scholars, so did he 
 perceive more numerous and varied proofs 
 of the Doctor's ignorance. 
 ■ Whatever deficiencies Vampus m.ight la- 
 bour under in point of talents and learning, 
 he discovered great dexterity in turning 
 his small pittance to the best account. He 
 was an impostor^ hut a very successful im- 
 postor. The principal instruments of his 
 imposition, pompous and insinuating puf- 
 fing, flattery, cringing, impudence, inso- 
 lence, varied according to the person ad- 
 dressed. Tov/ards those Vv^hom he con- 
 sidered as of little importance he exercised 
 pompous arrogance, delivering, his opinions 
 as infallible, even resenting an attempt to 
 discuss them. To those whom he wished to 
 appear to think of greater im.portance, he 
 mixed insinuation with pomposity. He put 
 them in perfect good humour, by persuad- 
 ing them of his great respect for themselves ; 
 N 3 and> 
 
270 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 and, having thus insinuated himself into 
 their favour, he opened in his own praise, 
 and easily impressed them with a high idea 
 of the talents of a man who had, in his 
 high opinion of them, given so une- 
 quivocal proofs of his discriminating judges 
 ment. 
 
 Towards persons whom he really thought 
 of high consequence he employed the most 
 extravagant flattery, and most humble 
 cringing, especially when likely to establish^ 
 a good connection. Many other schooU 
 masters y as well as Vampus, descend to 
 procure scholars^ to meaner^ more degrad- 
 ing, and more contemptible servility than 
 the lozvest shop-keepers to procure custom^ 
 Perhaps that may be one reason that, 
 by many, who judge rashly, the school- 
 masters are held, as a body, in lower estima- 
 tion than they, as a body, deserve. 
 
 But while he cringed he puffed. He 
 talked of his stock and mortgages, of his 
 learning and talents, of his manners, his 
 virtues, his every accomplishment. 
 
 If 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 271 
 
 If he equalled low tradesmen in fawning, 
 he surpassed most of them in art and trick 
 He was peculiarly dexterous in detaching 
 scholars or connect ions/; •6)??z other schools; 
 in this, indeed, arg2ii?igfrom the frequent 
 practice of the trade , he might plead reta- 
 liation. He took great pains to get ac- 
 quainted with the ushers of his neighbours; 
 and if he learned they were popular among 
 the scholars, he flattered, and bribed them to 
 poison the minds of their pupils, and often 
 profited from the exertions of those he had 
 suborned to betray their trust.* Had 
 Vampus met with no more success than he 
 merited, he would have had, at least, 
 necessity to plead in excuse of these arti- 
 fices; but as he had been, by his imposture, 
 extremely successful, and had realized a 
 considerable fortune, it must have been 
 inveterate habits of rascality that made 
 him still continue to practise these despr- 
 
 ■^ This has actually been proved to be a common 
 practice with a Ioxd, ignorant writing-master, near one 
 of the roads to Brighton. 
 
 N 4 cable 
 
•272 ■ r>oucLAs; or, 
 
 cable expedients of his earlier years. The 
 acquisition and continuance of pupils^ hoic- 
 evci\ he oivcdy in a great degree, to the 
 zceakness, ignorance^ or indolence of parents. 
 There are few subjects that ought to interest 
 parents more than the education of their 
 children^ yet few in which, about London, 
 they are so compleatly duped. They re- 
 pose the most important of all trusts, with- 
 out employing adequate pains to inves- 
 tigate the ability and character of the 
 trustee. 
 
 Vampus did not pass as a man of ability, 
 literature, and extraordinary merit, with 
 the illiterate only, but even with some 
 men of learning. An ignorant pretender 
 Will often be supposed learned, even by a 
 m.an of real knowledge, if he take care to 
 talk in general terms, where the latter has 
 no motive to sift him, much more, when 
 this latter is, by deference and submission 
 to himself, made v/eli-disposed to the im- 
 postor. V/hat miakes the im.posture more 
 generally practicable, is, that there are 
 many more m.en of learning to be met 
 
 withj-.-. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 27S 
 
 with, than of strong and discriminating 
 understanding. Dr. Vampus paid very 
 great attention to men of literary repuia- 
 tlon, rising in his homage as their fame 
 increased, and made himself acquainted 
 with as many of them as he could; and as 
 he gave excellent dinners, and the best 
 wine, he was frequently honoured with 
 their company. IMen are very charitable 
 in forming an idea of him v;ith vvhose good 
 cheer they are pleased. They judge not 
 •SO miich from the relish of their host's 
 conversation, as from the relish of their 
 host's venison and claret. Besides, though 
 the Doctor was very far from being inti- 
 mately acquainted with literary perform- 
 ances,either ancient or modern, he had heard 
 the characters of many of them, and learned 
 them by rote. He, therefore, could talk 
 very fluently on their merits, without un- 
 derstanding a word of what he said, and at 
 the same time cautiously, in literary com- 
 pany, guarded against particular discus- 
 sions; and to talk plans iblif on iJie general 
 N o vie r it 
 
274 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 merit of books of notoriety^ requires, 
 merely, a tolerable memory, without the 
 smallest exertion of judgement. In com- 
 panies, which he did not esteem literary, 
 he talked without restraint, as he was under 
 no fear of detection. His language was 
 pompous and sonorous ; his pronunciation 
 full and slow; and, notwithstanding a great 
 twang of the Irish accent, added to the 
 apparent importance of what he spoke. 
 He had a consequential air and gait, which 
 to many conveyed the idea of dignity. 
 When talking to parents, either of the past 
 or future improvement of their children, he 
 took great pains to know their reasons and 
 their ^r<?;W?c^^; he made it a rule to adapt 
 his answers to these, without in the least con- 
 sidering whether they were, or were not, 
 consistent with truth. When enquiries 
 were made by parents, he was sure to give 
 a most favourable account, concerning the 
 general progress of their sons, but more 
 especially in those things which he knew 
 would please the enquirer. If the father 
 
 wished 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 275 
 
 wished his boy to be a scholar, then the 
 youth had a wonderful turn for the clas- 
 sics; if a man of business, he had the 
 greatest readiness at cyphering he ever 
 knew; if for the army or navy, he was an 
 excellent mathematician, and was making 
 uncommon proficiency in gunnery and na- 
 vigation: a dialogue conned over for a 
 month, was ever ready to prove the des- 
 tined scholar's erudition; a cyphering 
 book, or a manuscript treatise on book- 
 keeping, retouched by the zvriting master^ 
 to shew the mercantile progress of the in- 
 tended trader; drawings of mathematical 
 figures, to demonstrate the knowledge of 
 the young soldier or sailor. If a parent or 
 guardian came to place a pupil with him> 
 he enquired what was the young man's 
 destination in life, and on learning it ob- 
 served, that though his school^ he had the 
 honour to be able conscientiously to say, was. 
 adapted to everi/ sort of improvement, yet 
 that requisite for the young gentleman was 
 kh own forte^ an observation he might 
 N G make. 
 
276 DOLTGLAS; OR, 
 
 make, with equal justice, concerning every 
 branch of kncv;led2:e. 
 
 o 
 
 He never failed to bestow the most hum- 
 ble attention on the mothers, especially in 
 families where he knew they held the reins 
 of government; nor did he neglect to pay 
 his court to their milliners, their waiting- 
 maids, or footmen; all of whom were 
 generally favourites, though in different 
 degrees according as dress, scandal, or love, 
 predominated in the lady's breast, and 
 one or other of which learned personages 
 had great weight in forming the opinion of 
 the lady respecting the education of her 
 children. His dancing master, Monsieur 
 Skipier, too, was of very great use in re- 
 commending scholars. As he was esteemed 
 a good judge of the management of the 
 heels, it was taken for granted he was no 
 less so in the management of the head. 
 Indeed the Doctor once got three scholars 
 owing to the professional skill of Monsieur 
 Skipier. 
 
 A lady happened, one day, to be in a 
 company, into which there soon after came 
 
 an 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. i277 
 
 an Eton youth, her nephew, and a boy from 
 Dr. Vampus's. The Eton scholar came 
 into the room with a nod, whereas the 
 other made a very polite how. She rebuked 
 her nephew for his want of breeding, and 
 expressed her wish that he was like the 
 other young gentleman. 
 
 " Like him," said the nephew, "he 
 has been longer at school than I, and can't 
 construe three lines together of Ovid; I 
 am in Virgil, and near the top of the 
 form." 
 
 That had no weicrht with the aunt: 
 
 D 
 
 .finding, on enquiry, that the hoKer had 
 been educated under Vampus, she sent 
 her three sons there ; it being, she said, a 
 place where they would be properly taught, 
 she knew from master Lackbrain's graceful 
 manner of coming into a room. 
 
 The Doctor also derived considerable 
 benefit from his connection Vvith female 
 boarding schools, especially Miss Bouncer's. 
 That lady was in great vogue, under the 
 patronage of a worthy nobleman, w4io re- 
 commended her to all his tradesmen ; and 
 
 she 
 
278 DOuGLAS; OR, 
 
 she and the Doctor had a great mutual af- 
 fection. The Doctor had no rival in her 
 good graces that he knew of, but the no- 
 bleman above-mentioned, nor she in his, 
 that she knew of, but Mrs. Vampus. They 
 were each contented knowing their re- 
 spective rivals not to be formidable. 
 ^ When the reader considers the prevalence 
 of im^posture about this great capital, that 
 the English unsuspicious openness of cha - 
 racter, notwithstanding their excellent 
 sense, exposes them to cheats of every 
 sort beyond any other people, he will not 
 be surprized that Dr. Vampus, with all the 
 art he used, should pass for an able man, 
 a great scholar, a skilful and successful 
 teacher. 
 
 Our hero, on the discovery of the unfit- 
 ness of Vampus for his profession, at first,, 
 thought it would be incumbent on him to 
 inform his father. Several considerations,, 
 however, induced him to postpone the 
 execution of that design. The Doctor 
 did every thing in his power to render his 
 
 house 
 
THE HIGHLANDER." 279 
 
 house agreeable to his pupils, especially 
 those grown up, carried them to balls and 
 visiting parties, allowed them to go out 
 without himself, and never troubled them 
 with animadversions on their conduct. 
 If they staid out, he sat up for them, asked 
 no questions where they had been, or, if he 
 did, was satisfied with any answer they 
 chose to give. Should they have happened 
 to sacrifice too freely to Bacchus, all he 
 required was, not to make a noise, lest 
 they should be seen in that condition. 
 If he observed them paying too much 
 attention to any fem.ale, he kindly turned 
 away, unless he thought himself observed. 
 Billiards, cards, dic€, he suffered them to 
 mind, even if they sometim^es absented 
 themselves from school for the purpose. 
 In short, whatever they pleased they might 
 do, unless they proceeded too openly, when 
 he was known to be present. This mode 
 of life was but too agreeable to young men. 
 Even those who, from having been before 
 at good schools, had acquired knowledge, 
 
 were 
 
280 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 were contented to forego improvement for 
 indulgence. They all soon found '' bring 
 
 in another bottle," " four honours the 
 
 odd trick,"— "Black-eyed Molly,'' more 
 pleasing than 
 
 Nil dictufxdum visuve, hac Ihn'ina taiigatj 
 Intra qua pner est.-^ 
 '* Let no indecent conversation or behaviour appear 
 '' in tlie presence of youth/' 
 
 Our hero, we ai'e sorry to say it, was 
 soon drawn into the vortex of dissipation. 
 Once engaged in such a course of life, the same 
 ardour of m.ind which had stimulated him, 
 when properly directed, to be the first in 
 the improvement of his mind, when with- 
 out right guidance y impelled him to be the 
 first in excess. Finding himself so plea- 
 santly situated, he considered the inability 
 of his master as immaterial, as he thought 
 his own private studies could supply the 
 deficiency, besides the general pleasure to a 
 young man acting without restraint. The 
 company of Miss Bouncer endeared him to 
 the place. That lady knowing he was 
 under no restraint at Dr. Vampus's, very 
 
 of tea 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 281 
 
 often invited him to meet her in town, 
 whither she went every Saturday, and staid 
 all the night. Charles always spent his 
 Saturdays and Sundays in London. One 
 morning, after he parted with Miss Boun- 
 cer, who hurried home to accompany the 
 young ladies to churchy he took a stroll to- 
 vvards the Jew's-Harp. There he met a 
 remarkably handsome little woman, n\ 
 company with a thin, mean-looking crea- 
 ture, whom he heard her call my Lord. 
 Having seen hardly any peer but the Duke 
 of Hamilton, the Duke of Dorset, and old 
 Lord Errol, he had associated the idea of 
 elegance and grace with nobility, and con- 
 cluded that the person addressed was not 
 my Lord, but my Lord's valet de 
 chambre. He therefore, without scruple, 
 ogled the lady, to which she paid no at- 
 tention, until the person with her happen- 
 ing to look another way, she gave Charles 
 as kind a look as he could wish. Not long: 
 after, in pulling out her handkerchief, she 
 dropped a card, on w^hich was written, 
 
 Mrs. 
 
282 DOUGLAS; or, 
 
 Mrs. Dupecull, Harley-Street. A waiter 
 informed him that the person with her, 
 whom, from his appearance, he could not 
 suppose a gentleman, was a Lord, 
 known by the name of my Lord Sneak. 
 On hearing the name he recolleded the 
 history of my Lord, which was this: 
 Sammy Sneak, Esq. of Sneak Seat, des- 
 tined to be the representative of the 
 ancient family of the Sneaks, having been 
 kept at short allowance by his father, found 
 it necessary to look for a fortune for him- 
 self; an attempt the more bold and enter* 
 prizing, as he was very slenderly equipt in 
 the articles of personal and mental qualifi- 
 cations. As to body accomplishments, he 
 was about five feet, six inches high, with a 
 puny, feeble figure, a cadaverous face with 
 goggling grey eyes, a squab nose, large lips, a 
 ver}^ thick skin, and a mean and peevish ex- 
 pression of countenance. As to his under- 
 standing lie was dull and ignorant, but en- 
 deavoured to supply the deficiency by cun- 
 ning. As to his acquirements, he was well 
 
 skilled 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 28o? 
 
 skilled in scraping on the violin, in breed- 
 ing horses, in superintending the cook. and 
 butler. He had begun the world as head 
 groom to a Duke, heretofore well-known on 
 the North road. About that time, he made 
 love to a very amiable young lady, whose 
 only brother, a youth of great fortune, was 
 in a consumption. The young lady be- 
 lieving herself to be the object of his af- 
 fection, overlooked the meanness of his 
 appearance and became his wife. Finding, 
 en experience, that he was by no means the 
 Man for love and ^^r, she pined. Sammy, 
 conscious of his defects, endeavoured to 
 atone for them by gratifying her vanity, 
 and, by the influence of the Duke, procured 
 a seat in the Senate. Behold Sammy Sneak, 
 now, like the illustrious Sir Francis Wrong- 
 head, a " Parliament man." The brother 
 dying. Sneak came in for the fortune, and 
 his lady, in shew and splendour, endea- 
 voured to forget the secret causes of family 
 uneasiness. But the num.erous parties in 
 which she now engaged rather increased, 
 
 thaa 
 
284 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 than diminished, her repining at her for- 
 tune. When she beheld the graceful Con- 
 way, the vigorous, manly Lord W. Gordon, 
 the athletic Charles Wyndham, the elegant 
 Huntley, she could net but sigh to herself, 
 how unlike my poor, mean, puny. Samn^y. 
 Sneak. Finding senatorial dignity could 
 not efface inherent meanness, she urged 
 him to try a cockade, and, that he might 
 be out of harm's way, in a miUtia corps. 
 A regiment was accordingly raised.. . Saijimy 
 got the command. Behold Sammy Sneak 
 nov/ a Colonel. Even tliis did not answer 
 the desired efFed, the military dress tended 
 to render his appearance more strikingly 
 ludicrous. At last application was m^ade 
 for Sammy to become a Lord. My Lady 
 had, Vv^ith very great and laudable self-com- 
 mand, conducted herself with the strictest 
 virtue, though often tempted to the contrary. 
 Sammy, nov/ Baron Sneak, very conscious 
 that there v/as a cause which might induce 
 many wom.en to go astray, became jealous 
 of her, and suspecting a tail fine Irishm.an 
 
 to 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 2S5 
 
 to be in her good graces, he, one da}^ dis- 
 pla^^ed his prowess so vigorously (unlike 
 Jerry of the same name,) as to give the 
 lady a severe drubbing. She left his 
 house. Lord Sammy foreseeing that a great 
 part of the fortune would leave the house 
 with her, thought it wisqr to seek con- 
 ciliation, and take his chance of the Irish- 
 man. Overtures were made to her 
 through the. agency of my Lord Rawbone, 
 and they were successful, my Lord settling 
 the terms. As many reports had been 
 circulated respecting Lord Sammy, to 
 discountenance them, he, though by 
 no means addicted to gallantry, took this 
 Mrs. Dupecuil into keeping. She, judg- 
 ing from a much more extensive range 
 of experience, formed the same conclusion 
 as my lady. Mrs. Dupecuil, like the wor- 
 thy Jenny Diver, made it a rule to make 
 certain gallants pay in an inverse proportion 
 to their charms. Sammy's pecuniary contri- 
 butions were, at that rate, necessarily, very 
 munificent. My Lady dying, my Lord 
 
 very 
 
286 DOUGLAS: OR, 
 
 very openly, and, indeed, ostentatioushj^z.^- 
 peared at ail public places with Mrs. Dupe- 
 cull, and was so desirous of its being 
 known that he kept a mistress, that he 
 introducd to her acquaintance his son, a half- 
 begotten, lath-backed, puny, shambling, 
 snivelling boy, of fourteen, and a complete 
 coxcomb. This youth, whom he fondly 
 cherished as the future representative of 
 the Sneaks, he had taken care to have 
 educated in such a v/ay as to be likely to 
 resemble his father. He had committed 
 his tuition to George Dunderhead, for- 
 merly teacher of psalmody in a part of the 
 country in which Sneak had a summer 
 residence, and afterwards promoted to carry 
 messages to Mrs. Dupecull, or other ladies, 
 with whom Lord Sammy wished to be 
 thought intimate, to assist Sir Sammy 
 himself in inspecting the buttery, and to 
 be preceptor to my Lord's son and heir. 
 
 Though Mrs. Dupecull had several fa- 
 vourites, she was not so exclusively at- 
 tached to any one as to refuse a handsome 
 
 stranger, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 287 
 
 Stranger, and she had not, for a long time, 
 seen a man whom she thought so hand- 
 some and so graceful as our hero. Charles 
 understood that this was not the time to 
 pay his compliments to her, but, repairing 
 to her house, left a note with an address to 
 the Portland CofFee-House. There he had 
 not waited long when a maid delivered him 
 a letter to w^hich he paid instant attention, 
 and w^as received with no less kindness than 
 he had been by Miss Bouncer. ' Vvliile our 
 hero was thus indulging himself in pleasure, 
 he received, from Ireland, a long letter from 
 his father, containing much fuller :and 
 more particular information respecling his 
 friends in Scotland than he had before re- 
 ceived j but these shall be the subject of a 
 fresh chapter. 
 
 CHAP, 
 
2S8 DOUGLAS j OR, 
 
 CHAP. X. 
 
 Our Kcro receives Letters from his Father — Account 
 of the - Proceedings of the Rhodomontadcs and 
 their virtuous Daughter, with the Infatuation of the 
 Laird — Douglas introduced to his Aunt, Mrs. Light- 
 horse — Description of that Lady and her Husband, 
 the Colonel — Dinner Party at their House — Con- 
 versation between Dr. Strongbrain the late Augh- 
 terarder Minister, Dr. Gradus, of Oxford, and 
 some others — Mrs. Lighthorse's History of the 
 Boarding School Teacher of Kensington, and her 
 Lover— the Miscarriage of a Love-letter put 
 into a Prayer-book at Cliurch — Party to Rane- 
 lagh, with an Account of the Company. 
 
 Mr. 
 
 James Douglas had had the ad- 
 dress to persuade her husband that our hero 
 had made an attempt on her virtue, and 
 that the fear of a discovery had caused him 
 to leave the place immediately, and that 
 he, no doubt, had imposed on his parents, 
 but she knew v/ould not deceive her hus- 
 band. She suborned his mother to con- 
 firm what she said, which the worthy wo- 
 man 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 1281) 
 
 man did with as much assurance as that 
 with which the m.uch renowned Fireblocd 
 heretofore bore testimony in favour of the 
 more renowned Jonathan Wild, Rhodo- 
 montade w^ould have sworn with equal 
 freedom j but as he was dead drunk the 
 evening the assault on his daughter's virtue 
 was said to have been made, his testimony, 
 ivhich ivas ahoays at tJie service of his 
 friends both in word and oath^ would not 
 have answered the purpose. Mr. Long- 
 head finding out the false impression 
 made on the Laird, tried, with the assist- 
 ance of Wiseman, to convince him of the 
 truth, but, instead of succeeding, so irritated 
 the Laird, that he told them that they 
 asserted slanderous falsehoods. To this. 
 Longhead, who was very passionate, re- 
 plied that he was a fool, and duped by a 
 strumpet and a scoundrel. Both left the 
 house in a rage ; a rage really unbecoming- 
 men of talents in a discussion with a poor, 
 weak creature, and which, besides, tended 
 to rivet the influence which they wished to 
 VOL. I. O destrcv. 
 
290 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 destroy. The Colonel happening to be hi 
 the country with his lady, went to call at 
 Tay Bank, on his brother, determined that 
 the Laird should either investigate the 
 truth, or that they should bid adieu for 
 ever. Finding, after a few words, James 
 bigotted to the Rhodomontades, em- 
 braced the latter alternative. Though an 
 old soldier, and, consequently, less prone to 
 quarrels than boys when they first get on the 
 red coat, before they have ascertained their 
 courage, yet the Colonel resolved to horse- 
 whip Rhodomontade wherever he met him, 
 not considering him as a proper subject of 
 more serious chastisement. As the Colonel, 
 Wiseman, and Longhead, entirely absented 
 rhemselves from Tay Bank, the Rhodo- 
 montades and their daughter, with the 
 ministry of aunt Nell, governed every 
 thing at that place. The Laird became 
 more and more fond of his bottle, and had 
 i'.Fipaired his constitution by his excesses. 
 The Colonel was now returned to his regi- 
 ment, his lady was with him -, their daugh- 
 ter 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 291 
 
 ter was hft with the Governess at Edin- 
 burgh, under whose care she had been 
 educated. He expressed, in the highest 
 terms, the delig^n which he- and Mrs. 
 Douglas felt from tlieir perusing Dr. Vam- 
 pus's account of Charles, which they im- 
 plicitly believed, and also with his own 
 letters, which gave a very just and able 
 picture of every thing he chose to describe, 
 as it really was ; they wondered, hov/ever, 
 that he did not bestow more praise on the 
 ' Doctor. Tlie Colonel concluded that he 
 should be in London the next spring, to 
 embrace his dear son, and to remove him 
 to the Temple. The affection and venera- 
 tion he felt for both his parents , the love 
 and esteem with which he knew they re- 
 garded him; the confidence they reposed in 
 him, all struck on our hero's mind at once ; 
 and, in viewing some parts of his conduct,- 
 fiUdd him with compunction. It appeared 
 to him that he had betrayed their trust in 
 suffering them to incur the expence of his 
 residence with Dr. Vampus, from which he 
 O 2 knew 
 
292 . DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 knew he could derive no advantage, in 
 making their ignorance of the character of 
 that preceptor the means - of his own 
 pleasurable dissipation. He reflected that 
 their cii*cumstances were coniined, and 
 that they had straitened themselves to 
 promote his improvement, an improvement 
 he knew could not flow from Dr. Vampus. 
 I ought, he said to himself, to employ every 
 moment to obtain knowledge, to render 
 jp.yself qualified for earning my own bread, 
 and ceasing to be a burthen to my generous 
 parents. At first he resolved to write h^ 
 father, most explicitly, his opinion of Dr. 
 Vampus, how ill fitted he was for con- 
 ducting his studies, and also to acknow- 
 ledge his own inconsideration; but, on re- 
 volving the affair farther in his mind, he re- 
 collected that he might study as well at 
 Vampus's as in the Temple, and deter- 
 mined to study very hard, and so atone to 
 }iis own conscience for his late neghgence. 
 Besides, the Colonel had received a letter 
 iVom his brother in India, mentioning his 
 
 intention 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 293 
 
 intention of soon returning to England, 
 nnd requesting his brother to take charge 
 of inspecting his agent's account in Lon» 
 don, and laying out remittances from him to 
 the best advantages; he, therefore, intended, 
 in a few months, visiting the capital, 
 when Charles resolved to explain fully in 
 conversation what he had at first thought 
 of laying before him by letter. 
 
 Enclosed in the pacquet was a letter to ---. 
 Mrs. Lighthorse, the youngest sister of the 
 Colonel, w^ho, with her husband, was to 
 be in London about that time. Charles, 
 as soon as he heard that his aunt was come 
 to town, presented his letter, and was most 
 kindly received by that lady and her hus- 
 band, to both of whom we shall now in- 
 troduce the reader. 
 
 Mrs. Ann, the youngest of old Mr. Doug- 
 las's children, was of a very different cast from 
 her sister. Eleanora. Her face, though not 
 handsome, expressed pleasant dispositions, 
 a strong and bright understanding; her 
 person was short, and rather clumsily 
 O 3 i<n-med; 
 
294 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 formed; but an easy and agreeable air 
 greatly concealed its defects. Her intel- 
 lects were, as her countenance expressed, 
 brilliant and vigorous; her heart was be- 
 nevolent, but its amiable qualities were 
 tinctured with vanity. That passion often 
 added to the exertion of her powers of 
 pleasing, but sometimes led to too osten- 
 tatious a display of her talents. In most 
 companies she could, without any apparent 
 effort, be eminently distinguished; bat, 
 not satisfied with distinction easily acquired, 
 would sometimes take pains to convince 
 her audience of her positive, and even 
 comparative, excellence. As that, how- 
 ever, did not frequently happen, she v/as 
 generally a very pleasant com-panion. She 
 had been educated under the care of an aunt, 
 her godmotlier, a woman of excellent parts, 
 who had, in her early years, been a suc- 
 cessful adventurer in the lottery, and, dying 
 rich, had left the greatest part of her 
 fortune to Nancy her favourite niece. 
 After her aunt's death. Miss Ann had 
 
 usually 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 2S»D 
 
 usually resided at Edinburgh, there she had 
 become acquainted with Captain Light- 
 horse, a brave, active, and accomphshed 
 officer, whose person and manners made a 
 deep impression on her heart ; nor was he 
 less captivated by her fortune : In a short 
 time they married. The honeymoon v/as 
 hardly over, when Mrs. Lighthorse dis- 
 covered defects in the Captain, which she 
 wished he had been without. Her fancy 
 had painted him as able and informed ; 
 but her judgement, now that it exerted 
 itself more impartially, found that he w^as 
 merely lively, specious, and superficirJ ; 
 and, that though agreeable in his manners, 
 he was irritable and captious in his tem- 
 per. He was particularly tenacious of 
 what he called his argum.ents. Mrs. Light- 
 horse rather employed too much pains to 
 shew she was a better reasoner than her 
 husband, which was very obvious without 
 any pains at all. They and their family 
 had been, during some years, in France, 
 and Mrs. Lighthorse had not seen her 
 O 4 nephew 
 
296 DOUGLAS; OR5 
 
 nephew since he was twelve years old. She 
 was pleased, proudly pleased, to behold 
 the son of her favourite brother, so elegant 
 and charming a youth; and much more 
 delighted to find in his conversation, a 
 vigour of genius, which she considered as,. 
 in some degree, a flimily inheritance, , al- 
 though all the family did not partake of 
 it. Her husband was also much pleased 
 with young Douglas, who, from modesty 
 and politeness, bestowed on his arguments 
 and observations, a deference and attention, 
 which he himself only thought they de- 
 sei*ved. Beth did every thing in their 
 pGv;er to make their house a place of fa- 
 vourite resort to our hero. Their eldest 
 child, an interesting, ingenious girl, about 
 fifteen, assisted their efforts, especially by 
 her skill in music, of which Charles was a 
 great admirer; and the young lady was 
 particularly remarkable for her exquisite 
 performance on the harp. The Colonel, 
 though not a very profound scholar, had 
 received in Scotland the routine of Col* 
 
 lege 
 
THE" HIGHLANDER. 297 
 
 lege learning, and was a great enemy 
 to some parts of the English modes, 
 though not very capable of appreciating 
 the value of systems of education. He 
 was very fond of learned com.panv and 
 talk. To gratify our hero, and, as he 
 thought, display himself, he invited several 
 young literary men to meet him at dinner, 
 and also some more advanced in 3'ears. 
 Charles's attention Vv^as chiefly attracted by 
 a gentleman of a thick, squat, figure, 
 and a very coarse face, but a countenance, 
 by no means unamiable, and, at the same 
 time, expressive of very great force, and 
 comprehensiveness of m.ind. During 
 dinner, however, his genius did not unfold 
 itself in discourse ; indeed he did not 
 speak a single \yord, except answering to 
 every individual that offered to drink wine 
 with him, " With all my heart;" and, after 
 swallowing a large quantity of salmon, 
 with a proportionate share of lobster 
 sauce, he drank a bumper of Cognac, ob- 
 serving, that it v/as excellent brandy, 
 the efTort of utterarxe, however, hastening 
 O 5 a carminative 
 
L*98 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 a carminative operation of the fish and 
 liquor; an operation which, from various- 
 causes, he, like the renowned Sancho, often 
 exhibited.* After dinner he opened with 
 a degree of strong genuine humour, exten- 
 sive knowledge, and original thought, that 
 our hero had seldom seen equalled. Inter- 
 mingled, hov/ever, with his genius and 
 learning there was an eccentricity and 
 v/himsicality, which, though to superficial 
 people they added to the estimation in 
 which his talents were held, had not that 
 effect on our hero, whose own strong m.ind 
 considered, substance, not merely mode^ 
 He also observed certain opinions on religi- 
 ous subjects that were, by no means, con- 
 sonant to those of the ablest men, and sound- 
 est reasoners he had known. Examining his 
 features more particularly, he believed he 
 recolledted them, and asking his aunt in a 
 whisper, found he was right, and that 
 
 * See Don Quixote's advice to Sancho, on the 
 article of eructation. Vol. iV. where the illustrious 
 Vtii^cha is about to set out to his government. 
 
 the 
 
THE HIGHLAKDER. 299 
 
 the gentleman was the old friend of his 
 uncle, Mr. William Strongbrain, now also 
 a doctor, though of a very different cast 
 from his friend Doctor Vampus. As he 
 had heard in Scotland some traits of his 
 character, he was the less surprized either 
 at his ability or oddities. The conversation 
 turning on Reid's Intellectual Essays, then 
 just pubhshed, he took a survey of pneu- 
 matology, through all its stages, to the 
 present time, historically and philosoplii- 
 cally, so as to give a clear and connected 
 view of the subject. An Oxford Graduate^ 
 to introduce philological disquisition, 
 mentioned the translation of Samson Ago- 
 nistes, and entered into a very minute 
 investigation of the iainbics and anapaests 
 of Euripides, and repeating ono, of the 
 strophes from Phaedra, asked if he did 
 not think it a fine piece of versification. 
 The other not directly answering this 
 question, entered into a discussion of the 
 character of Phaedra, especially her ov/n, 
 and her confidant's. -Aristophanes being 
 O 6 mentioned^ 
 
300 DOUGLAS ; OR, 
 
 mentioned, William assigned the moral 
 and political causes which gave his talents 
 that peculiar direction. The mob were 
 Lords; to gratify their envy and malig- 
 nity, their flatterer (the comedian) abused 
 the sublimest doctrines, and the wisest 
 and best of men.. Dr. Gradus repeated the 
 name of every species of verse used by 
 Horace; Strongbrain analysed his ethics 
 and criticisms, and traced both to their 
 causes. Colonel Lighthorse turning the 
 discourse on tlie history of England, a sub- 
 ject on which he thought himself well in« 
 formed, gave a tolerably accurate account 
 of the battles of Crescy, Poictiers, and 
 Agincourt. Dr.. Strongbrain gave the 
 moral and political character of these 
 times, and generalized the military spirit. 
 Some one making the commoa-place ob- 
 jection to Humie, that he was a friend to 
 Tory principles, William shewed, that he 
 only palliated the conduct of the Stewarts 
 as natural, did not vindicate it as just. 
 
 On 
 
THE HIGHLAND-ER. 301 
 
 On a pause in conversation, Mrs. Lights 
 horse mentioned a ludicrous incident df a 
 love affair, between an usher of a boys 
 school, and an usheress of a girls, which 
 she had heard from her son*s private tutor. 
 The usher and usheress had, it seems, 
 frequently met each other when walking 
 with their respective pupils, and sighed, 
 and ogled, at each other, particularly at 
 churchy to the great edification of their 
 charge ; especially of the young ladies, so 
 likely to profit by the example which their 
 governess and parents expected them to 
 imitate. Having, frequently, evening as- 
 signations, Mr. Wilson, the lovei\ had 
 one Sunday learned that their meetings 
 v/ere observed, and one having been formed 
 for that evening, was at a loss how to 
 convey a letter to Miss Palaver^ the loved. 
 At last he bethought himself of writing a 
 short note, which he put into a Prayer 
 Book; and going into church a little be- 
 fore the service began, placed it in that 
 part of the pew where Miss usually sat» 
 
 By 
 
S02 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 By some pen^erse accident he mistook the 
 pew; the Prayer Book and letter were 
 opened, by an elderly Dowager, who had 
 a remarkable fondness for the younger 
 part of the opposite sex. and very readily 
 believed herself the object of juvenile at- 
 tachment. The letter was conceived in 
 the following terms : 
 
 *^ My sweetest, loveliest, angel, 
 
 *' Will you have the goodness to bless 
 me with, your company, at seven, in the 
 lane near Holland House, instead of the 
 Gravel Pit Gate ? 
 
 *^ Your's eternally, &c. 
 
 *^ R. wilson/* 
 
 • Now it had happened that the Dowager 
 had actually seen Mr. Wilson in that part of 
 the gardens, and as she simpered and smiled, 
 he had amused himself in paying seme com- 
 pliments to her that made an impression on 
 her heart, which 5 as she bad met with no 
 
 other 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 303 
 
 Other young man since, had continued. 
 Mrs. Toothless had not the smallest doubt 
 that the letter was intended for her, and 
 the word before referred to the interview in 
 question. She, accordingly, arrayed herself 
 in, what she thought, her killing dress, and 
 hied herself, with palpitating heart, to 
 Holland's Fields, where she found the gal- 
 lant in eager expectation of his mistress's 
 arrival. Not disposed, tlien^ for amusing 
 himself with her vanity and folly, he bowed 
 very slightly, when she, not attending to 
 the coldness of his manner, took out the 
 letter, and, kissing it, seizing his hand, de- 
 clared he had made her the happiest wo- 
 man on earth, and that he was master of 
 her fate and fortune. Wilson, at first, wascon- 
 founded,but, seeingtheletter, comprehended 
 the mistake, and snatching it from her, imrne- 
 diately departed with great expedition ; she 
 followed him with less, but as much as she- 
 could exert, and proceeded to the garden,- 
 but arrived too late to meet Miss, who had 
 been obliged to join a party of her ac^.. 
 
 quaintances. 
 
504- DOUGLAS; OK, 
 
 quaintances, and he had no opportunity of 
 explaining to her the reason of his ab- 
 sence at the hour and place appointed. 
 Meanwhile, Mrs. Toothless had met the 
 servant of the boarding school, and, in the 
 rage of disappointment, told her what had 
 happened, and a great deal more, protesting 
 that he had offered her marriage, and was 
 basely breaking his promise. The maid 
 had, herself, cast the eyes of affection upon 
 Wilson, and conceived, from the Dowager's 
 account, the hopes of embroiling the lovers. 
 She accordingly told Mrs. Toothless that 
 she had reason to think the letter was in- 
 tended for Miss Palaver, but that, if she 
 would leave the matter to her, she would 
 set them by the ears, and thus there might 
 be a chance for the recalling his lost affec- 
 tions. Betty, eager on the execution of 
 her projeft, returned home, although she 
 had been allowed to spend her evening 
 abroad, informed Miss P. that she had seen 
 Wilson embracing Mrs. Toothless, and,, 
 that she had received undoubted informa- 
 tion 
 
THE HIGHLANDER, 505 
 
 tion that he was going to marr}^ her for her 
 money. EUza Palaver had been piqued 
 at his failure at the usual assignation, and, 
 in that pique, had joined a party, instead of 
 waiting for her lover. The party consisted 
 chiefly of those antiquated ladies whom 
 the irreverence of youth styled old cats^ 
 In company with these there happened 
 to be a very graceful youth, who paid 
 Eliza more attention than to the rest, 
 and as her mind was made of very 
 flimsy materials, gave a shake to her con- 
 stancy. This encounter, co-operating with 
 the account now delivered by the maid,, 
 determined her, rather too hastily, to dis- 
 card Wilson as a lover; and she immediately 
 wrote him a very angry letter. Wilson, 
 who was a Scotchman, and a proud one 
 too, perused her letter at first with anger,, 
 and then with contempt. — ^Dr. Strongbraiuy 
 on hearing the story, entered into a disser- 
 tation on the tendency of certain relative 
 situations to produce amorous affections. 
 That the formality, gravity, restraint, and 
 
 pedantry^ 
 
306 DOUGLAS ; OR, 
 
 pedantry, of male and female teachers, 
 might naturally cause a similarity of senti- 
 ment, which might easily rise into the 
 sympathy of love. A literati, he said, of 
 both sexes, very often became enamoured 
 of each other, especially where the parties 
 agreed with each other in jDeculiarities of 
 opinion. He believed there was frequently 
 an amorous fellow-feeling between female 
 authors and male critics, a notion which 
 might account for the favourable reviews 
 of some modern novels. Mrs. Lighthorse 
 smiled at this remark, but observed, she 
 by no m.eans considered Mr. Wilson, who 
 was a man of strong talents and extensive 
 learning, as on the footing of a common 
 usher, and rejoiced at the ciissolution of a 
 connection which she considered as beneath 
 a young man of his powers. Strongbrain, 
 in the course of his conversation, swallowed 
 a great quantity of wine, which soon im- 
 paired the force of his understanding, but 
 not before he had discovered our hero to 
 possess very superior abiUties^ on that ac- 
 count. 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 307 
 
 count, and because he found him to be 
 the nephew of his old friend, he requested 
 a farther acquaintance. Gradus had followed 
 Strongbrain much more closely in wine than 
 in argument. The two Doctors fell asleep 
 and snored in concert. His nap so re- 
 freshed Strongbrain that he agreed to join 
 the company, who were going to E^anelagh. 
 Gradus went home to smoke a pipe^ an 
 amusement not customary in the Rotunda. 
 
 Our hero walked between his aunt and 
 Strongbrain, and from both got much 
 information, but from the latter many 
 curious remarks respecting the characters 
 present. 
 
 " Do you know," said Mrs. Lighthorse, 
 " that ladyr'* pointing to a very beautiful 
 Vvomauj who was speaking in the Scotch 
 dialect. 
 
 '' She is," said Douglas, "very like 
 Lady W. but it is not she." 
 
 " You are right; it is her sister, the 
 Duchess, a woman of very considerable 
 talents* That young lady behind her is 
 
 her 
 
308 DOUGLAS^ OR, 
 
 her eldest daughter, and lately married to 
 the nephew and heir of the Duke, and a 
 most lovely wife he has ^ nor are her sisters 
 inferior to her in beauty and virtuous ac- 
 complishments, and I make no doubt of 
 their having equal high offers as the 
 Duchess. That dark, short, thick man, 
 that just passed us, is nephew to the same- 
 Duke." 
 
 " What!" said our hero, "is that 
 Charles ?" 
 
 " Yes," said Strongbrain; "look well 
 at him, you may look at many before you 
 will find his equal. What a capacious 
 forehead, what rich eye-brows, v/hat an ex- 
 pression of expanded intellect, what bene- 
 volence and liberality beam through that 
 dark cloud ! His mmd excels most minds in 
 quickness of conception, versatility and 
 force of operation, and comprehensiveness of 
 views ; he is the ablest simpliher of com- 
 plex subjects, the readiest solver of intri- 
 cacies, that is to be met with." 
 
 A gen- 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 309 
 
 A gentleman, who had a little before 
 joined their party, observed, that he could 
 not altogether agree with the ingenious 
 Doctor as to the comprehensiveness of 
 Charles's views, at least, did not think his 
 attention was always directed to the whole 
 of the subject. 
 
 " He often, I think," says he, ** consi- 
 ders things in rather partial and detached 
 lights. His powers are more frequently ex- 
 erted in the invention of the most apposite 
 means, than in the choice of the wisest 
 ends, and even his means are frequently by 
 no means conducive to the end which he 
 . seeks. He is certainly much more a man 
 of genius than of wisdom. Whatever prin- 
 ciple he adopts, he adopts too implicitly. 
 Manifold and various as his arguments are, 
 he is equalled in froce, and surpassed in ap- 
 propriation to the subject, by his opponent ; 
 in knowledge, generalization, and philo- 
 sophy, he is inferior to one who is likely 
 to become his opponent." 
 
 Strongbrain had, either from envy, or 
 
 some 
 
310 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 some other cause, a great dislike to the 
 gentleman last alluded to, who, besides 
 being a politician, was at the head of the 
 literary men, that class to which he himself 
 belonged, though from his carelesness he 
 by no means ranked so high as he might 
 have done from his talents, and pretended to 
 speak of the gentleman, as merely a man of 
 lively fancy, attacked the part he had 
 taken respecting the French revolution, 
 praised that event, and said, it v/as now 
 time for men to steer by the polarity of 
 reason^ instead of m.ere coastings of ex- 
 perience ; Ikunclied into the doctrines 
 v^hich he had imbibed from Rousseau, Vol- 
 taire, and Helvetius, and predicted univer- 
 sal liberty, peace, and happiness from the 
 new order of things in France. Wars, as 
 my favourite said in the House, originated 
 from the old despotism, consequently its 
 abolition will put an end to wars." 
 
 ** You and your favourite too are very 
 right," replied Dr. Grecian, tlie other gen- 
 tleman, '* in leaving the' coastings of ex- 
 perience, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 311 
 
 perience, if you wish to establish the prin- 
 ciple, that free countries have been gene- 
 rally peaceful, an induction from history 
 "would establish the contrary.'* 
 
 Grecian had formed his political opinions 
 chiefly from Aristotle, as explained and il- 
 lustrated by subsequent experience, and ex- 
 posed the danger of the visionary theories 
 of the French philosophers. Our herb 
 being asked now, by his aunt, to take a 
 turn round the room, they were presently 
 joined by the Doctors and other gentle- 
 men. Mrs. Liphthorse obser\-in2: our hero 
 cast his eyes on a very vulgar couple, be- 
 dizened out with a most profuse finery, 
 asked him, " Well Charles, what do you 
 think of that lady with the mutton fist ?'' 
 
 " What," said he, " the vulgar dowdy, 
 with the broad shoulders, large face, thick 
 lips, pug nose, and wide nostrils.'^" 
 
 " The same." 
 
 " I suppose she is some rich tradesman's 
 wife, from Shoreditch." 
 
 ** Your conjecture is natural, I allow," 
 
 said 
 
312 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 said she, " but not just. Her maiden 
 name was Dutchsqudby she is a negro- driver's 
 frowy fresh from Der)iarara\ she had 
 married Monsieur Heureux, but he dying, 
 and leaving her very rich, she married the 
 person with her, John Dulman, Esquire, as 
 he now styles himself, who wanted dame 
 Heureux's money, in order to pay debts 
 he had incurred to a very expensive mis- 
 tress, and to be able to indulge her extra- 
 vagance. John Dulman and his dame 
 taking a fine house in London, tried to be- 
 come people of fashion; gave concerts, 
 parties, rout€s. The dame endeavoured to 
 learn drawing, music, and ail fine accom- 
 .plishments, but nothing could ivhiteivash 
 the negro, Negro driving itself has no great 
 tendency to liberalize the mind, and Dutch 
 minds are not the most easily liberalized 
 any more than the Dutch manners are the 
 most easily refined. She is a strange com- 
 pound of French vanity and ostentation, 
 with Dutch vulgarity and avarice. Dul- 
 man himself is a poor, mean, pliant creature, 
 
 one 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 515 
 
 one of those trifling characters that defy 
 analysis. He has, now and then, tried to be 
 a rogue, but the stupidity and confusion of 
 his head prevented success. Whoever gives 
 sumptuous entertainments will not want 
 visitants. They have a numerous set of 
 acquaintance, some of them very low, who 
 fancy the Dulmans elegant people, while 
 the genteel part laugh at them." 
 
 Mrs. Light horse, who was rather satyri- 
 cal, directed her nephew's attention to a lady 
 with a beautiful, expressive, and lovely 
 countenance, accompanied by a simpering, 
 smirking, spruce gentleman, whose large 
 mouth w^as perpetually open in a grinning 
 smile. Mrs. Lighthorse knowing the lady, 
 paid her compliments to her, and expressed 
 her concern that she had not seen her in 
 time to have requested her company at 
 the tea party. Mr. Tattle thought this a 
 good opportunity of broaching a favourite 
 subject with him. He was employed in 
 an office under government, and not hav- 
 ing a large stock of ideas, he made a little 
 
 VOL. I. P go 
 
i314- DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 go a great way. He usually entertained his 
 friends in the evening at the neighbouring 
 coffee-house, with an account of the bills 
 that he had paid or funded in the course of 
 tlie day, and seemed to derive a great im- 
 portance from the money not belonging to 
 him, but which hadpassed through his hands. 
 They would, he said, have been at Rane- 
 lagh sooner, but he was detained on go- 
 vernment service. Tattle was particularly 
 well versed in history, that is, the history of 
 what was going on in his ov/n neighbour- 
 hood, and equally ready to communicate as 
 sagacious to discover. Our hero afterwards 
 expressed his surprize that so sensible and 
 sv/eet a woman, as the lady appeared to be, 
 had married such a gentleman as 'Squire 
 Tattle. Mrs. Lighthorse replied, that he 
 would form a very erroneous idea of the 
 understandings of most women, if he esti- 
 timated their talents by their choice of a 
 husband. Strongbrain then pulling our 
 hero by the sleeve, said, *' you are in luck, 
 my young friend. Do you see the gentle- 
 man 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 315 
 
 man with a very red face, and sharp eyes, 
 sitting in that box." 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " That is no less a man than the 
 
 first comic author of this century : he has 
 taken not local but general nature for his 
 archetype, especially in his last performance. 
 His writings have not for their objects this 
 or that fashion for a head dress, or the 
 capes and sleeves of coats, but affections 
 and operations of mind, which are the same 
 at all times. With the justest and chastest 
 humour is interspersed wit, as brilliant as 
 Congreve*s; less exuberant, indeed, but 
 more appropriate." 
 
 " There is," said Mrs. Lighthorse, " one 
 very material defect in the moral senti- 
 ments of his play. It inculcates the re- 
 versal of the maxim ' be just before you 
 are generous.' I wish, notwithstanding, 
 that he were to continue the exercise of his 
 comic powers. I think his dramatic works 
 more beneficial to the public than his po- 
 litical efforts." 
 
 P 2 "He 
 
316 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 " He seems/' said Dr. Grecian, " to 
 have too warmly embraced the visionary 
 abstractions of the Price and Priestley 
 school; he and his countr}^man, of extra- 
 ordinary genius, seem to have had a schism 
 in politics." 
 
 " That gentleman,'* said Strongbrain, 
 " so often changes his opinions, that we may 
 fairly infer he has no fixed principles." 
 
 A genteel young man,, who had a little 
 before com^e up to Strongbrain, begged 
 leave to observe, that although he by no 
 means concurred in the opinions of the 
 person in question, respecting the French 
 Revolution, he did not see any incon- 
 sistency between them and his former opi- 
 nions, and gave a short, but very able, dis- 
 sertation on the intellectual, moral, and 
 political principles that distinguished his 
 writings and speeches. From this he 
 inferred that whether right or not, he was 
 at least consistent. Strongbrain, who, as 
 he often did, had spoken at random, did not 
 
 attempt to confute. Mr. M — , who, 
 
 though 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 317 
 
 though young, had much more correct in- 
 formation, and habits of closer reasoning. 
 
 *' Do you see," said Colonel Lighthorse, 
 *' that tall man, with a thin face, and a 
 long nose? That is, after the dramatic 
 author, one of the most facetious men in 
 the House of Commons/* 
 
 " Who is that tall, and very handsome 
 man, who has just joined Charles ?'* 
 
 " That is the young Duke of B , 
 
 a nobleman of good talents, but too much 
 under the guidance of men wlio may not 
 give them the most beneficial direction." 
 
 *' O I know that tali jolly gentleman 
 
 walking with the tall thin man." — *' I dare 
 
 say," said his aunt, '' you have seen him 
 
 at Edinburgh. He is one of the readiest 
 
 and ablest statesmen we have , and has 
 
 also very great penetration. It was he that 
 
 first discovered the extraordinary abilities 
 
 of his friend with him." 
 
 " What," said Douglas, '' is that Mr, 
 p ?'» 
 
 ** It is indeed j he has no equal for the 
 P 3 union 
 
318 DOUGLAS 5 OR, 
 
 union of talents, application, vigour, deci- 
 sion, and other qualities and habits which 
 quahfy the possessor for the conduct of 
 affairs. He has had many important and 
 trying situations to encounter: his mind 
 always shewed itself superior to his task, 
 .liowever arduous." 
 
 " The present period appears," says Dr. 
 Grecian, " pregnant with events, that will 
 probably call forward still greater exertions 
 of his intellect, and I have not the smallest 
 doubt but it will rise in proportion. The 
 French Revolution must produce great and 
 important ^ changes to Europe, which, whe- 
 ther good or bad, may probably affect this 
 country. His conduct, hitherto, respecting 
 our neighbours, is marked by consummate 
 prudence j he has not interfered in the in- 
 ternal concerns of a nation not interfering 
 with ours; although, I must say, I cannot 
 avoid observing in some of their doctrines 
 and arts, a spirit which may eventually lead 
 them to disturb this countr}\'* 
 
 " Who;' 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 519 
 
 ^* Who,'* said our hero, ^* is that figure 
 with very narrow skirts to his coat?" 
 
 *• That is, Captain ,'* said 
 
 Strongbrain, " an editor of a strange kind 
 of a newspaper, in a most absurd, bom-!- 
 bastic style. He, now and then, tries 
 his hand at prologues, and excels in flip- 
 pancy. That stiff-looking prig, in a cler- 
 gyman's dress, is also a v/riter in the same 
 paper, and has coined plenty of new words, 
 but of very base metal. He is a strange, 
 unsteady fellow. He is, at present, on the 
 side of government, but I should not be 
 surprized if, in one of his vagaries, he were 
 to turn a rank republican. That person 
 with him writes poetry, at least, verses, 
 for the same papery he calls himself Delia 
 Crusca, About half a dozen, including a lady, 
 that, after having been long a kept mistress, 
 devotes her attention to sentimental and 
 moral writing, have agreed to sec-saw one 
 another in rhyming praises. Delia Crusca 
 leads out a poem j Anna Matilda trumps it 
 with an eulogy ^ Laura Maria, Yenda, and 
 
 the 
 
320 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 the whole set, play the same game. All 
 is versified nonsense in Delia Crusca.** 
 
 Strongbrain whispered to Douglas, that 
 this reminded him of the mimetic efforts 
 of dogs, celebrated in Pope's works. 
 
 " Mr. William GifFord has taken the melo- 
 dious inanity into consideration, and made a 
 very severe attack on their writings, on which 
 account, it is probable, they may now turn 
 their nonsense into different channels. The 
 stout, well-made man, in canonicals, is 
 also an editor of a paper, famous for wit, 
 humour, and scandal. His reverence is a 
 celebrated boxer, called by way of emi- 
 nence, the fighting parson. That short, 
 strong-built man, with small pinking 
 eyes, is editor of the ablest paper that is 
 written, though by no means of a good 
 tendency j he is lively, acute, and knows 
 the town. A friend of his, a man of lite- 
 rature and science, joins him in the con- 
 dud of the work. From the detail of 
 the one, and the philosophy of the 
 other, it derives its excellence. Jemmy 
 
 Cachagee, 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. 321 
 
 Cachagee, (for so this gentleman is called,) 
 is a great gallant, especially among the ser- 
 vant maids, if you see him in the street, 
 walking very fast, and smirking, you may 
 lay an even bet that there is a pair of bJack 
 stockings tripping av/ay before. He, in- 
 deed, seems very desirous of being seen 
 in that kind of pursuit/' 
 
 " Jemmy," said Mrs. Lighthorse, '*has 
 been much indebted to Mr. Advance, the 
 agent, your acquaintance, who is a very 
 friendly good sort of man, and lent him 
 money and credit, to establish the paper, 
 Jeminy' manifests his gratitude not so 
 much in expressions of regard to Mr. Ad- 
 vance him^self, for that he thinks would 
 be fulsome; but, in attention to Mrs. 
 Advance, who, as a loving and dutiful wife, 
 is greatly delighted w^ith the fervency of 
 his gratitude to her husband, as expressed 
 to herself.*' 
 
 *' The thin, sensible-looking man, that 
 has just taken hold of Jemm.y Cachagee's 
 arm, is, I suppose, his partner." 
 
 " No,'* 
 
o'22 DOUGLAS; OR, 
 
 " No,'' said Mrs. Lighthorse, " at least, not 
 
 his p?'ofessed pa.vtner, that is. Lord , 
 
 a man of parts and knowledge, beyond any 
 peer of our part of the United Kingdom, 
 but too violent. Fie was educated in a 
 northern university, under a man of very 
 considerable talents, but tinctured with 
 republican notions ; and is thought to 
 have imbibed some of the sentiments of 
 his preceptor. — Observe that lady with a 
 coarse face, skinny, red. and scorbutic, 
 she is the wife of a man of very great for- 
 tune, acquired wdth remarkable expedition 
 during the American war. Having by 
 virtue of their great wealth, entered into 
 the fashionable circles, they' bestow the 
 most laborious pains and attention to pre- 
 vent it being known they had ever belonged 
 to any other. The lady, the daughter of 
 a hard-working silversmith, near Norton 
 Falgate, has left all her form-er acquaint- 
 ances, with whom she used, in her youth- 
 ful days, to have pleasant parties at the 
 ordinaries at the Shepherd and Shepherdess, 
 
 on 
 
THE HIGHLANDER. S23 
 
 on the City Road j or the Cat and Shoulder 
 of Mutton, at Hackney; and afterwards 
 spend the evening at White Conduit 
 House, or Bagnigge Wells. She wishes 
 her origin to escape the memory, and as- 
 sumes very stately airs, and will receive no 
 visits from any person coming in hackney 
 coaches; entirely forgetting the Adam and 
 Eve at Pancras, and Old Mother Red- 
 Cap's, as if she had never been of a party to 
 the hot rolls and butter and the home 
 brewed.** 
 
 Having amused themselves for some time 
 in this manner, they retired to their respec- 
 tive habitations. 
 
 END OF VOL. I, 
 
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