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he ii bgt hens mete) he en too ws Rtemtexing Library | BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK A Play in Two Parts ! AND MARC CONNELLY SUGGESTED BY “Hans Sonnenstoesser’s Hohlenfahrt” BY GEORGE S. KAUFMAN BY PAUL APEL BUN WpACN Deiwid Wik Rol'G HT PUBLISHERS :: : NEW YORK < Copyright, 1924, by Boni & Livericnut, Inc. Printed in the United States of America “Beggar on Horseback” was produced by Win- throp Ames at the Broadhurst Theatre in New York, Feb. 12, 1924, with the following cast: Dr, Albert Hice......%. RicuHarp BarBEeE Cynthia Mason ........ Kay JOHNSON Pre oMChae 644.008 8.53 os Routanp Youne + Gi ania ea Bek Grorce W. Barsier BEE. CCOMAY (iho en owas whe Marion Batiou Gladys Cady .......... ANNE CARPENGER Homer Cady ........--- Oscoop PERKINS FA oh d Cee OnE cn a PascaLn Cowan RPE Tod's a) SCs a hi aw heete Epwin Arcus A Business Man ....... MaxweELt SELSER MipavEley 6 fu. stale wig os Sprinc ByineTon MUaEAY OIL sb ale sists ae Fay WALKER OM AYLETS) var sce te ys ewe ade Cuarues A. House A Reporter ........-.- JAMES SUMNER OS AL ae te Re aa Paut Witson ATG | sete ae wes bos) s ee Waker M. Eris A Sightseer ..........- NorMAN SWEETSER Se CUT ip ae Bertranp O. Dotson A Song Writer ........ CuHappELL Cory, JR. WARP APETSE I can’t! CADY You can do it by our system. You are sentenced to be at the Cady Consolidated Art Factory at eight o’clock tomorrow morning! NEIL Art factory? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 211 CADY At eight o’clock tomorrow morning! [The lights slowly dim and fade out, and in- stantly there is a burst of noise. Pianos are playing discordantly; there is the sound of machinery in the distance, a voice is singing a jazz tune, and other voices are heard in loud declamation. The lights go up again on a tier of four cells. In the first a man is dic- tating to a stenographer; in the second NEw ts working away at a piano, while a youth nm a belted coat and a straw hat, atilt on his head, sings to the accompaniment of NEt,’s music; in the third cell an artist works before an easel, and in the fourth a young man ts loudly reciting poetry, apparently moved to do so by the posturings of two other youths who are in the cell with him. After a mo- ment of this pandemonium a guide enters, fol- lowed by three visitors. All four are dancing teachers, so far as outward appearances go, but they are marked apart by the fact that the guide wears an official-looking cap, and the visitors carry umbrellas and. open Bae- dekers. The guide raises hts voice for si- lence; a gong sounds somewhere, and all ac- tivity ceases. The figures in the cages come down to the bars and stand waiting.] 212 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK GUIDE Now this, gentlemen, is the manufacturing depart- ment. In this studio—[he indicates the first ]—we have Walter Carp Smith, the world’s greatest novel- ist NOVELIST [ More or less routine. | How are you? GUIDE [ Passing to the second cage.] In this studio, Neil McRae, the world’s greatest composer ! NEIL [ Listlessly. ] How are you? GUIDE [At the third cage.] In this one, Finley Jamison, the world’s greatest magazine artist! ARTIST How are you? GUIDE [At the fourth cage.] And in this, James Lee Wrex, the world’s great- est poet! POET How are you? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK GUIDE [Indicating the unseen cages beyond. ] The studios beyond are devoted to science and re- ligion. Mr. Cady was the first person in the world to put religion up in ten-cent packages, selling direct to the consumer. FIRST VISITOR You don’t say so! GUIDE He also prides himself on having the largest out- put of literature and music in the world. He’s going to open two more plants the first of the month. Now, would you like to see how these men work? FIRST VISITOR Yes, indeed! [Goes toward the first cage.| Did you say this was the novelist? GUIDE The world’s greatest. Author of more than two thousand published works. FIRST VISITOR What an imagination! GUIDE Yes, sir, none at all. Now if you’re ready, Pll show you how he works. Go! 214 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK NOVELIST [Begins at once to dictate from a boon m his hand. | ‘Something closely resembling a tear fell from the old patrician’s cheek. ‘Margaret,’ he cried, ‘the people of the West have learned to love you, too.’ ‘Jackie boy,’ she whispered. ‘They have made you governor after all.’ Far off on the—the—” [he hesitates; the stenographer takes up the story.) STENOGRAPHER **__desert, the caravan faded away. Night took them in its arms and a great hush fell on the forest. 99 The two lovers GUIDE Stop! [He turns to the visitors.| There you are! FIRST VISITOR Was she writing it? GUIDE Oh, no! Sometimes she gets a little ahead of him, that’s all. FIRST VISITOR Isn’t he wonderful! GUIDE Forty-five minutes after he finishes a novel we BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 215 have it printed and assembled and on its way to the movie men. FIRST VISITOR May we talk to him? GUIDE Certainly. FIRST VISITOR [T'o the novelist. ] I’ve enjoyed your novels very much. NOVELIST Thank you. FIRST VISITOR I see you’re writing a new one. NOVELIST Of course. JT’m under contract. FIRST VISITOR What’s that? [Indicating the book in the novelist’s hand.} NOVELIST It’s my last one. FIRST VISITOR But weren’t you just dictating from it, for your new one? 216 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK NOVELIST Yes. They like it that way. GUIDE Under the old system they wrote it all new each time. Here—let the gentleman have it as a souvenir. FIRST VISITOR [Reading the title.] “Eternal Love.” What’s your new one called? NOVELIST “Love Eternal.” GUIDE Don’t forget—you’re lecturing at three o’clock at Wanamaker’s. SECOND VISITOR Say, will you show us how the artist works? GUIDE Certainly. What will you have—a cover or an advertisement ? SECOND VISITOR What’s the difference? GUIDE There isn’t any. BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 217 SECOND VISITOR Well, then, I'll take an advertisement. GUIDE All right. Go! [The Artist draws without looking at the can- vas. He hands it to the guide, who hands tt to the visitor. The canvas is blank. | There you are! SECOND VISITOR What beautiful eyes! THIRD VISITOR Wonderful! GUIDE Do you want to talk to him? SECOND VISITOR Oh, thanks. I suppose it’ll be used on a magazine? ARTIST Oh, yes—thousands. SECOND VISITOR Must be worth five or six hundred dollars. ARTIST [ Bored to death. ] Thirty-five hundred. 218 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK FIRST VISITOR You don’t say so! GUIDE And here, gentlemen, is our poet. His “Jolly Jingles” are printed in three million newspapers a day. FIRST VISITOR [Pointing to the men in back.] Who are those men? GUIDE Those are his models. He is the only poet in the world who works from living models. That’s why all his poetry is so true, so human. He’ll show you. Go! POET I will now write a friendship poem. [Motions to his models.| Friendliness No. 3, please. ‘Friend- ship.” [The models strike a pose, hands clasped.] [The poet recites. ] “Goodbye, old pal; hello, old pal; the greatest pal I ever knew. A dog’s your finest friend, my lad, when all the world is blue.” SECOND VISITOR Ain’t it human? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 219 GUIDE And here, gentlemen, is Mr. Neil McRae, Amer- ica’s foremost composer. FIRST VISITOR Who’s that in back? GUIDE That’s his lyric writer. You will now see how they work. What kind of a song will it be, McRae? NEIL A pathetic. [Sits at the piano.] GUIDE A pathetic. Go! [Net plays.] SINGER [In a horrible voice. ] “You’ve broken my heart like you broke my heart, So why should you break it again?” [Neit comes to the bars again.] GUIDE That will sell one and one-half million. SECOND VISITOR I suppose you write other kinds of songs, too? 220 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK NEIL Oh, yes—mammies, sweeties and fruit songs. The ideas are brought from the inspiration department every hour on the hour. After I turn them into mu- sic they are taken to the purifying department, and then to the testing and finishing rooms, They are then packed for shipment. FIRST VISITOR A wonderful system! THIRD VISITOR I should say so! SECOND VISITOR Do you work all the time? NEIL No, the night shift comes on at eight. FIRST VISITOR How long have you been here? NEIL For years and years. SECOND VISITOR Say, will you write another song for us—just as a souvenir? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 221 NEIL [ Desperately. ] Oh, why don’t you all go away? GUIDE What’s that? What was that? You get busy there and write another song! NEIL No! I’ve been writing forever—I’m tired of it. GUIDE Do you want me to call Mr. Cady? NEIL I don’t care! I don’t care what you do! GUIDE I'll give you one more chance. NEIL No! I won’t! GUIDE All right, then! Mr. Cady! Mr. Cady! [The Guide rushes out. The visitors slink away. A gong sounds. Those in the cages huddle in fear. Mr. Cavy appears behind the cages. He carries a large snake whip.) 222 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK CADY What’s the matter here? GUIDE McRae says he won’t go on! CADY He won’t, eh? Well, we'll see about that! NEIL I can’t go on! I’m tired! CADY What’s that got to do with it? You’ve got to go on! NEIL I can’t, I tell you. I can’t keep on at this sort of thing. CADY You know your sentence, don’t you? You’ve got to work our way until you die. NEIL [ Dully. ] Yes, I know. CADY We own you now. The family. The family owns you. [He falls into rhythmic measure. ] BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 223 You take our money and you live our life, We own you, we own you. You take our money and you live our life, We own you, we own you. You take our money and you live our way, We pay the piper and we tell him what to play. You sold your soul and you can’t get away, We own you, we own you. [The Cavy family and others enter at back, and weave back and forth joming in the chant, reaching through the bars at Nett. ] NEIL Until I die! I can be free from you if I die! I can die! You can’t keep me from it! That’s how I can get away from you! Open the door! Open the door! [He shakes the door on the audience’s side of the cage. It opens.] It was never locked! [He steps out and closes the door. Cyntuta enters.) Cynthia, Cynthia, I’m free! Icandie! [Those in the background disap- pear.| Cynthia, how are we going to do it? CYNTHIA We'll go to an executioner. I know a good one. You mustn’t be afraid. It won’t hurt. [An Evecu- 224 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK tioner appears masked, with a black robe and a huge paper knife.] See—it’s Jerry! JERRY Hello, Mr. McRae. [Takes off his mask and cap.] NEIL Oh, hello, Jerry! You’re going to do it, are you? JERRY Sure. [Feels the edge of his knife.] NEIL Oh, that’s good. CYNTHIA Do we have to wait long? JERRY No—yow’re next. NEIL Oughtn’t we to have a block? CYNTHIA [Moving the armchair. | We'll use this. It’ll be more comfortable. NEIL Oh! And you'll stay with me? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 225 CYNTHIA Always. [She stands beside him.] But it won’t hurt. [Atperr enters, wearing a short medical apron and jacket.| Albert will give you a pill. NEIL Oh, yes! Hello, Albert! ALBERT Hello, Neil! Got a glass of water? CYNTHIA [Glass of water in hand. ] We’re ready, Doctor. [Albert goes to the chair; tests its strength. ] ALBERT [To the Executioner. | Is the light all right? [The cabaret orchestra is heard in the distance. | JERRY I think so. NEIL There’s that music again. ALBERT You’re nervous, that’s all. Here! [Neru swal- lows a pill.| - 226 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK CYNTHIA Now it can’t possibly hurt you. ALBERT [ Motions Nxiz to the chair.) Here we are! [Net sits.] That’s it—way back. [To Jerry.] Right? NEIL Shall I take off my collar? ALBERT Oh, no. There’s room, I think. NEIL Just a once-through, please. ALBERT Of course. It’ll be all over in a minute, NEIL Cynthia! CYNTHIA Yes. NEIL I was afraid you’d gone. CYNTHIA No, dear. [Jerry taps his knife on floor.) Are you ready, Neil? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 227 NEIL Yes, except for that music. Charles the First didn’t have any music. [The lights begin to fade.] CYNTHIA He’s ready, Doctor. NEIL Don’t go away, Cynthia! ALBERT All ready. [Jerry taps the knife again on the floor. ] NEIL Goodbye! Tl see you soon. CYNTHIA Are you comfortable? NEIL Yes. You’ll be with me always, won’t you, Cyn- thia? [There is darkness, save for a cloudy moving light on Nett. ] CYNTHIA Always. ALBERT All right. NEIL Cynthia, are you there? 228 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK CYNTHIA Yes, darling. [There is a hum of voices. Presently one can discern several chanting, “You take our money and you lead our life.” Mrs. Cany ts heard saying, ““Homer’s sick.’”’” Mr. Cany is apparently telephoning somewhere. He ts shouting, “Well, I'll tell you what to do!” Homer’s voice repeats, “You dirty dog!” Guapys shrilly calls out, “He’s learning to dance!” The voices become a chant, finally unintelligible. The lights slowly go up again. We are back in NeEtt’s apartment. He its asleep in his chair. It is sunset. There is a knock, a real knock, on the door. | A NEIL [Half asleep. |] Yes? [Cynruta enters. ] CYNTHIA Is anything the matter, Neil? I thought I heard you talking. NEIL It didn’t hurt. Was it a success? CYNTHIA Neil, are you all right? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 229 NEIL [ Takes her hand.] I need you, Cynthia! CYNTHIA Oh, Neil, do you? Are you sure you do? I—I couldn’t stay away, Neil. I tried to, but I couldn’t. Because I need you, too. I just couldn’t give you up to anyone else on earth. NEIL Cynthia, dear. CYNTHIA It wouldn’t have worked, Neil—with those people. Don’t you know it wouldn’t? NEIL I think I do. CYNTHIA I’ve been sitting out on a bench in the square, try- ing to think out what it would mean—what it would do to you. NEIL I know. Widgets. CYNTHIA That would be worse for you than any amount of poverty. 230 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK NEIL Poverty in our cottage. CYNTHIA Did you think of a cottage, too? NEIL Of course—lI lived there. CYNTHIA We could manage. I know quite a lot about rais- ing chickens. NEIL [ Reminiscently. | A little red hen and a little dun cow. CYNTHIA Yes, we might have a cow. Have you been think- ing about it, too? [ Rises. ] NEIL Well—let’s say dreaming. [He rises and goes to the desk.] It was terrible, Cynthia—do you know, I dreamed I was married to her? CYNTHIA To Gladys? BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 231 NEIL When I thought you didn’t care, I was hurt and angry. And I dreamed she telephoned [Sees the recetver off the hook.) My God! Did she telephone! Oh, Cynthia, it’s real! I did do it! I did! CYNTHIA Did what? NEIL I did ask her to marry me! CYNTHIA Neil! You didn’t! And she—accepted you? NEIL Yes. CYNTHIA Oh, Neil. [A knock at the door. Jerry puts his head in. He wears a uniform somewhat like the one that accompanied him through the dream. | JERRY It’s me, Jerry. T’ve been ringing your phone for the last five minutes. Yeh, I thought so—you left it off the hook again. [Nem replaces the receiver.] The young lady that came before was waiting, so I brought her right up. 232 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK GLADYS [In the doorway. |] It’s me, Neil—may I come in? [Enters.] Oh, hello again, Miss Mason! CYNTHIA I—I forgot my tea things. [Half choking, she takes up her tray of tea things. |] GLADYS Well, here we are. Isn’t it exciting! We’re en- gaged. NEIL Yes, GLADYS Did you have a good nap? NEIL Yes, thank you. GLADYS [Obviously something on her mind. ] Do you love me a lot, Neil? Enough to do me a great big favor? NEIL What? GLADYS It’s a big one, and maybe you won’t want to do it. BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 233 NEIL What is it? GLADYS Well, it’s this way. Coming back from the dress- maker’s I met Walter Craig. I told you about him, didn’t I? He’s a boy that sort of used to like me. NEIL Oh, yes. GLADYS Now, mind you, Neil, you can say ‘‘No” to this if you want to, but—he said, ‘“‘What are you doing to- night?” Now, you won’t be angry, Neil? NEIL No, no. GLADYS Well, then he said he didn’t know any other girl in New York, and would I sort of play around with him this week. So all I wondered was—well—you know how a fellow is—if he thinks a girl’s engaged, why, he won’t come near her at all. Now mind, you don’t have to do it—and I won’t be a bit hurt if you don’t, but what I thought was—if we could start being engaged, say, a week from today—you wouldn’t mind, would you, Neil? Of course, next week, after we are engaged, we'll just go everywhere together. 234 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK NEIL T see. GLADYS I know a dozen people, pretty near, that’ll give big parties for us. It’s an awful lot of fun, being en- gaged. NEIL Is it? I’m afraid I wouldn’t fit in with that sort of thing. GLADYS Why, half the fun of being engaged is—well NEIL Gladys, just what is your idea of being engaged? GLADYS Why—lT’ve just been telling you. [Nett smiles. ] What’s the matter? NEIL Well, it’s just that your idea of an engagement is different from mine. GLADYS What +s yours? NEIL I think I’?d want to be somewhere alone, just the two of us, where we could talk. BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 235 GLADYS Talk about what? NEIL [With a meaning look.] I don’t know. GLADYS You don’t mean you’d always be like that, do you? I mean, when you’re married? NEIL I might. GLADYS Well, where would I come in? Do you mean you’d expect me to sit around every evening and—just talk? I did think you’d be willing to—play around the way other people do. NEIL I see. GLADYS But, of course, if you wouldn’t—well—why—there doesn’t seem to be much sense in our being engaged, does there? NEIL It’s to be just as you say, Gladys. GLADYS Well, I don’t think we’re exactly suited to each 236 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK other—if you think it over. Honestly, I don’t. Do your NEIL No, Gladys. GLADYS I noticed the difference the minute I saw Walter again! I can kind of let myself go with Walter. Yow’re sure you don’t think I’m a quitter? NEIL I think youw’re all right. GLADYS And we'll still be friends, won’t we? I’ve always thought you were nice, Neil. [She gives a sigh.] It’s a sort of a relief, isn’t it? NEIL Yes, it is—rather. GLADYS Well, goodbye. I’ve got to go because I left Wal- ter downstairs. [She departs.] NEIL Oh! [Laughs. Starts to call out.]| Cyn— [Looks across the hall, crosses to the piano and be- gins to play the music of the pantomime. | BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 237 [ After a moment Crnruia comes slowly into the room. | CYNTHIA [ Hesitatingly. ] Want me, Neil? NEIL Do I want you? 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