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 THE 
 
 GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 A DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 
 
 CHARLES TOWNSEND 
 
 DICK Sc FITZGERALD 
 
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e^^.res. i-i 
 
 THE 
 
 GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 \ 
 
 AN ORIGINAL DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 
 
 CHARLES TOWNSEND 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 '• THE WOVEN WEB,” “ BORDER LAND,” ** UNDER A CLOUD,” « SPY 09 
 GETTYSBURG,” RIO GRANDE,” “ THE MOUNTAIN WAIF,” « UNCLE 
 JOSH,” “ MISS MADCAP,” “ BROKEN FETTERS,” « SHAUN AROON,” 
 
 « THE MAN FROM MAINE,” “ ON GUARD,” « THE JAIL BIRD,” 
 
 « A BREEZY CALL,” « WONDERFUL LETTER,” ETC. 
 
 AUTHOR'S EDITION 
 
 / * r 
 
 < 
 
 Copyright, 1893, by Charles Townsend. 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, PUBLISHERS ' 
 18 Ann Street 
 
 I 
 
Note :—The acting rights of this play are expressly reserved by the 
 author. Actors and managers wishing to produce it should apply to the 
 author in care of the publisher. Amateur representation may be made 
 without such application, and without charge. 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
 
 Frank Evarts, .... 
 George Dixon, . . . , , 
 Fergus O’Gooligan, . . 
 Peter Naggle, .... 
 Chummy Litewate, . . 
 
 Broncho Bill,. 
 
 One Lung,. 
 
 Senator Juniper Toots, 
 Ikey Einstein, .... 
 Taxicum Sniffles, . . . 
 
 Old Magnus,. 
 
 Jess. Horton,. 
 
 Mrs. Naggle,. 
 
 Miss Matilda Corey, . 
 
 . A Government Scout, 
 
 . . . <‘ Gentleman George^* an outlaw, \ 
 ........ Who runs the “ coortl* 
 
 Landlord of the ** Golden Gulch hotel, i 
 
 . A New York blossom, 
 
 . A*^ toughy — Dixon^s “ paV* 
 
 . A Chinese servant, 
 
 , .. A political « coonl* ; 
 
 .. A few peddler, \ 
 
 . An alleged « reformer^ 
 
 . A degenerate Indian, 
 
 ,,,,,,,,, Betrothed to Frank, 
 
 . The landlord's wife, 
 
 .. A faded fower. 
 
 Place. —California. Time. —^The present day. The first act occurs 
 in the afternoon; the second and third acts on the following day. 
 
 Time of Playing— Two Hours and a Quarter. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
 
 Act I.—The Golden Gulch Hotel.—The musical Chinaman.— “ Annie 
 Rooney.”—A scheme.—The festive dude and the negro politician.—The 
 Jew peddler.—Gentleman George makes a purchase.—Jess and the out¬ 
 law.—Frank and Naggle compare notes.—“We might hang ’em on gen¬ 
 eral principles.”—Old acquaintances.—A warning.—The dude on his 
 muscle.—The card sharper.—The tract distributer.—The game begins. 
 —Frank takes a hand.—“ Hands up! I hold a trump card 1 ”—” I hold 
 another I 
 
e ■res . 0 ^ ■ 
 
 f 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 NO 
 
 Act II.—Among the hills.—Time, the following morning.—Ireland 
 and Africa at war.—The “ noble red man ” joins in.—A big scare and 
 nobody hurt.—The missionary makes a trial.—“ Big fool! Wah! ”—The 
 false message.—The robbery.—Old Ikey in the toils.—The dude investi¬ 
 gates.—He strikes a hard customer.—A villainous scheme.—The accusa¬ 
 tion of murder.—“ Stand back ! It's my turn now ! ” 
 
 b AcT III. — At the hotel, an hour later. — Active prohibition — Toots and 
 ’Gooligan on a bender.—The Chinese way.—The smashed up mission- 
 jary.—Toots makes an offer.—Frank a prisoner.—Judge O’Gooligan opens 
 'court.—A comical judge.—Getting a jury.—“ Tut, tut now, don’t say a 
 jword! ”—The trial.—The Judge presents the case.—Some tough evi- 
 jdence.—The verdict.—The attempted murder.—The end of “ Gentleman 
 jGeorge.”—F inale. 
 
 I PROPERTIES. 
 
 i (See also « Scene Plot ” and « Costumes.”) 
 
 1 
 
 I Act I.—Filled bottles, glasses, and cigars in box on bar; packs of 
 [cards on tables; money for George and Litewate ; valise, shawl in 
 shawl-strap, hat box and package of cigarettes for Toots ; revolvers and 
 knives for the various characters; matches; peddler’s pack and gold 
 watch for Ikey ; letter in envelope for Litewate ; very large valise con- 
 |;aining tracts, for O’Gooligan. 
 
 Act II.—Valise and pole for Toots and O’Gooligan; bundle of tracts 
 |for Sniffles ; black cloth masks for George and Bill ; old fashioned 
 jistol for Ikey ; revolvers for other characters, one loaded with blank 
 partridge for Frank; book for Litewate; cigarettes and matches for 
 ATEWATE; peddler’s pack for Ikey. 
 
 Act III.—Bar stocked as before; bottle for O’Gooligan ; large valise 
 for Sniffles ; rope for Naggle ; shot-gun for O’Gooligan ; revolvers for 
 |>thcr characters, six rough chairs for One Lung to bring on. 
 
 STAGE SETTINGS. 
 
 Acts I and III. 
 
 
'4 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 SCENE PLOT. 
 
 Act I. —Bar room in the Golden Gulch Hotel, in 4th grooves. Doors' 
 L. c. in flat, R. I E. and L. i E. (i) short bar up R., with bottles, glasses' 
 cigars, etc. Small, rough pine tables (2) and (3) with stools, R. and l’ 
 front; (4) stools up L, 
 
 Act 21. —A rocky pass In the mountains, in 5th grooves. Flat show‘s 
 rocks or mountain scenery, (i) and (2) Set rocks, r. u. e. and L. U. 
 (3) Tree stump R. front. (4) Rocky bank l. front. Wings, trees anr 
 rocks. Sky borders. 
 
 Act III. —Same as Act I. 1 
 
 COSTUMES. I 
 
 (See also, “ Remarks on the Play.”) 
 
 Frank Evarts.— Buckskin suit, with gray woolen shirt underneat” 
 coat; wide hat; belt holding revolvers and knife. . 
 
 George Dixon. —Dresses in frontier style, but rather loud. Wears sor 
 hat and sports many diamonds. 
 
 O’Gooligan. —Old fashioned “ swallow tail ” coat, plaid trousers, fig* 
 ured vest, soiled collar, flaming tie, battered hat. 
 
 Naggle. —Woolen shirt, dark vest and trousers; no coat except in sec* 
 ond act. Slouch hat. 
 
 Litewate. —Typical “ dude ”, gotten up in English tourist style'* 
 Checked or plaid suit; leggins; double visor cap; short coat. 
 
 Bill.—A regular western “ tough.” Wears trousers in boots, woole)^ 
 shirt, slouch hat; belt with knife and revolver. 
 
 One Lung.— Usual Chinese suit—loose blouse, baggy trousers. 
 
 Toots. —Modern, but rather “ loud ” suit. Very large collar and cuffs' 
 
 Ikey. —Long coat; dark suit; cap ; high boots. 
 
 Sniffles.— Quaker dress — long, straight coat ; white tie ; black cottoi^ 
 gloves; straight, broad brim hat. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 5 
 
 Magnus —Tattered army blanket; soiled and dirty suit, battered 
 white “ plug ” hat. 
 
 Jess, —Neat house dress. Hat for second act. 
 
 Matilda. —Overdressed, in the regulation “old maid ” style. 
 
 Mrs. Naggle. —Plain house dress. Hat for second act. 
 
 REMARKS. 
 
 The Golden Gulch is a play of western life, full of breezy action, 
 exciting situations, thrilling incidents, and is fairly bubbling over with 
 that bright fun for which its talented author is famous. It is especially 
 suited for amateurs, owing to the range of its characters and the ease with 
 which it may be produced. Only two scenes are required, both easily 
 arranged, while the costumes and properties are very simple. 
 
 For those who take part in the play, the following hints will prove use¬ 
 ful in regard to making-up and acting each character. 
 
 Evarts is about twenty-five years of age. He is a fearless, manly 
 young fellow, quick to resent an insult, but neither quarrelsome nor 
 revengeful. He speaks good English, is easy in bearing, and therefore 
 should be free and unrestrained in manner. The climax of each act 
 should be worked up quickly, and the kniJe fight with George in the last 
 act must be short and snappy. Frank “ makes up ” rather fair. 
 
 . George is a dark complexioned man of thirty-five. His hair is black, 
 and he wears a long, black mustache. He uses good English, speaks and 
 £.cts quietly, but is very quick in movement. In the second act when he 
 accosts Frank, he wears a rough suit and is disguised with a heavy black 
 beard. He then speaks roughly. In his scene with Ikey he wears a 
 black mask on his face, and when he comes on to accuse Frank of the 
 murder, he wears the same clothing as in the first act. 
 
 Litewate is a typical “ dude ” with the usual drawl, vacant stare and 
 general air of stupidity characteristic of such creatures. The only time 
 that he exhibits any evidence of manhood is when he knocks the China¬ 
 man down, and then he should assume an air of great astonishment at his 
 own bravery. Make him up smooth-faced and very fair. 
 
 , One Lung is the customary stage Chinaman. In playing this charac¬ 
 ter do not overdo it. The Chinese are not jumping-jacks, remember; 
 therefore play the part rather quietly. 
 
 Naggle is a middle-aged man, and the part admits of considerable 
 broad comedy in the scenes with Mrs. Naggle. He should be “ made 
 up ” red-faced, with a small chin beard. As he does not appear in the 
 second act until near the end, his part is usually doubled with that of 
 Magnus. 
 
 I O’Gooligan is an old-fashioned comedy Irishman, about fifty years of 
 age. He is red-faced, slightly bald, and full of odd mannerisms—some- 
 ■<imes speaking slowly and again with the utmost rapidity. He has a rich 
 )rogue, and should be played throughout in the lines of eccentric comedy, 
 dis speeches to the jury must be delivered in a highly pompous manner, 
 .|lnd his entire acting should be a mixture of pomposity and good fellow* 
 
6 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 Bill is a regulation western rough of thirty. He wears a full beard, 
 speaks gruffly, and is a typical hard character.” 
 
 Ikey is a man of between fifty and sixty. He is very dark, with black 
 hair and a long, full beard. Walks slightly bent, but is brisk and ener¬ 
 getic in manner. 
 
 Toots is the usual stage negro, aijd there is nothing to distinguish him 
 from others of his class except his unusually pompous manner. 
 
 Sniffles is a “take-off” on the canting, hypocritical “reformer,” and 
 the part admits of considerable exaggeration. Sniffles walks very erect, 
 uses no gestures, rarely turns his head, and speaks in a nasal, drawling 
 tone. He is smooth-shaven, and is “ made up ” without color. 
 
 Magnus is an Indian of uncertain age. He is straight and dignified in 
 spite of his rags. Use the regular shade of “ Indian ” grease paint, and 
 wear an Indian wig. 
 
 Jess is a girl of eighteen. Her “ make up ” is immaterial, but her face 
 should show considerable healthy color. She has a strong scene in the 
 third act, which must be played with spirit. 
 
 Mrs. Naggle is a brisk, florid, self-assertive woman of forty. Her 
 lines must be spoken rapidly and in a very positive manner. 
 
 Matii.da is that well-known character-^a theatrical old maid. The 
 paint on her face must be en evidencCy and she should assume that air of 
 maidenly coyness so characteristic of such roles. 
 
 The business of this play must be carefully and thoroughly rehearsed^ 
 as the action cannot be allowed to drag. 
 
 ABBREVIATIONS. 
 
 In observing, the player is supposed to face the audience, c. means 
 centre; R., right; L., left; R. C., right of centre; L. C., left of centre; 
 C. D., centre door; R. D., right door; i.. D., left door; D. R. C., door right 
 of centre; D. L. C., door left of centre; D. F., door in the flat;'C. D. F., 
 centre door in the flat; R. D. F., right door in the flat; L. D. F., left door 
 in the flat; i G., 2 G,, 3 G., etc., first, second or third grooves, etc.; i E.j, 
 2 E,, 3 E., etc., first, second or third entrances, etc.; R. u. e., right upper 
 entrance ; l. u. e., left upper entrance; up, up stage, or toward the rear^ 
 DOWN, down stage, or toward the audience; X. means to crors the stage; 
 X. R., cross toward the right; X. L., cross towaid the left. 1 
 
 R. 
 
 R. C 
 
 C. 
 
 L.C,. 
 
 U 
 
 o 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene. — Bar-room in the Golden Gulch Hotels in 4 th grooves. Doors 
 L. c. in flat, R. I E. and l. i e. Short bar up R., with bottles, 
 glasses, etc. Small rough tables and stools R. and i.. front. Stools 
 
 up L. 
 
 Enter One Lung, d. F. 
 
 r 
 
 One L. {Sings as he enters ; air, ** Annie Rooney.**). 
 
 Slee’s my sweeth’a’t I’m hay beau, 
 
 Slee’s my Annie I’m hay Joe; 
 
 Soon we’ll mally, neva to pa’t, 
 
 Li’le Annie Looney is my sweeth’a’t. 
 
 Me singee Annie Looney all samee like Melican man. Ole man 
 Naggle say me singee likee tom cat. Ole man Haggle big foolee. 
 {Looks around.^ Allee ’lone? Ah! {Points to bar.) Buggee 
 juice I Me feel velly sick. Need buggee juice. ( Tiptoes to bar, and 
 takes bottle.) Ah—lookee good—smellee good—tastee good. 
 {Business of smelling and drinking.) Buggee juice good fo’ China¬ 
 man. {Drinks.) Ah. Feelee good. Medancee! {Dancesand 
 sings .) 
 
 Enter Mrs. Haggle, with broom, D. F. 
 
 / 
 
 Mrs. N. Oh, I’ll give you Annie Rooney! {Beats him with 
 broom.) 
 
 One L. Oh, me sick, me sick! {Runs down R. 
 
 Mrs. N. I’ll make you sicker! {Starts down r. 
 
 One L. (on knees). Oh Miss Naggle, me velly, velly sick. 
 
 I 
 
8 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 ^Hands on stomach.') Me gottee clamp in stomach. Medie* nui 
 die 1 Oh I Me die heap soon quick i 
 
 Enter Naggle, D. F. 
 
 Nag. What*s the matter now ? 
 
 One L. Me most dead. 
 
 Mrs. N. I caught him drinking some of your vile whiskey, and 
 he says he has a cramp, and I don’t doubt it, for the horrible stuff 
 you sell would cramp a wagon. If you were a decent man, Mr. 
 Naggle, you would pitch it all out doors instead of selling it to the 
 poor miners to give them hypos and jim jams, soiyou would. 
 
 One L. {aside). She givee ole man fits. Hoolay ! 
 
 Nag. But, my dear, I- 
 
 Mrs. N. Don’t dear me. Every time that I come into this 
 room, ( bachs Naggle towards d. f.) I get so mad that I could 
 take you and shake you right out of your shoes ! 
 
 [7%^ exeunt, D. F. 
 
 One L. Ole woman gottee hackee up. Alice samee me no 
 care. {Sits at table r., with cards.) Have gamee cards. 
 
 \Plays. 
 
 Enter Broncho Bill and George, d. f. 
 
 Bill. All right, pard. We kin have a quiet talk here. 
 
 \Jerks One Lung to his feet and sends hbn spinning tolu. front. 
 
 One L. Big Bill choakee ! 
 
 Bill. Clear out, you moon-eyed leper. 
 
 One L. Eh, Whatee you say ? 
 
 Bill {points revolver). You git. 
 
 One L. You bet ! \Runs ^ L. I E. 
 
 Geo. {sits R., laughing). You waste little ceremony on him. 
 
 Bill. Yer right, pard. Them air heathens aint no ’count, mor’n 
 a Digger Injun. Ef I had my way. I’d run every blamed yaller 
 face’n tenderfoot outer ther State. 
 
 Geo. Not the latter, old man. They are too rich plucking. 
 
 Bill. Wall, ef I cud hold up a stage coach easy as you do. 
 
 Geo. {cautiously). Hush! Walls have ears, you know. 
 
 Bill. Don’t be skeered, pard. Thar’s nobody listenin’. I seen 
 the sheriff goin’ over ter Duffy’s, an’ that cussed Frank Evarts 
 aint nowhar ’round. 
 
 Geo. Do you think that the sheriff suspects? 
 
 Bill. Nary a time. That feller Evarts is up to snuff though. 
 
 Geo. {savagely). I’ll snuff him out if he crosses my path. 
 
 Bill. Shake, pard. {They clasp hands.) I’m with ye thar. | 
 hate that feller wuss 'n pizen. An* I jest— 
 
 1 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH, 9 
 
 Geo. Never mind him now. Tell me what you know about this 
 Jew peddler. 
 
 Bill. Wall, old Ikey he’s got dead loads o’ swag about him. 
 He don’t peddle ’round these air diggins fer nothin’. He has a 
 pile o’ rich jew’lry an’ 1 reckon as how he’s a big wad o’ ther need¬ 
 ful salted down in his clothes. 
 
 Geo. When will he leave here ? 
 
 Bill. To-night or to-morrer mornin*, I reckon. He’ll cross ther 
 Divide an’ head fer Sandy Bar. That’s ther way he allers goes. 
 
 Geo. Does he travel alone ? 
 
 Bill. Yes, onless some o’ ther boys should be goin’ his way. 
 
 Geo. That reminds me. I heard Evarts say that he was going 
 over to Sandy Bar in the morning. It’s a short walk, and we’ll see 
 that Ikey goes with him. When they get well up the Divide I’ll 
 rig myself up in one of my disguises and send Evarts back on a 
 fool’s errand. 
 
 Bill. And then ? 
 
 Geo. Why then we’ll cook the Jew’s goose and lay it to 
 Evarts. 
 
 Bill. You’re a slick one. No wonder they call you ** Gentleman 
 George.” You’re jest as fly a gent as I ever see. 
 
 Geo. Thanks. Does the Jew go armed ? 
 
 Bill. Yes—but we’ll cover him afore he can draw. 
 
 Geo. Hush ! Some one is coming. Deal the cards. 
 
 [ They play. 
 
 Enter Toots, Matilda and Chummy, d. f. 
 
 Toots. Har yo’ is, sah. Dis am de hotel. 
 
 ‘ Mat. Goodness gracious ! Do they call this a hotel? 
 
 Chum. Yaas. But it’s an awfully rough place, don’t you know. 
 Bah Jove ! I wonder where the landlord is. 
 
 Toots. Dunno sah. {Places bundles etc.on bar.) I’ll fine out. 
 
 Chum. Yaas, do. [Places stoolfor Matilda who sits at rear. 
 
 Toots {to George). ’Scuse me sah, but are yo’ de lan’lord? 
 
 Geo. No. Who are you? 
 
 • Toots. Who is I ? I ? Why sah, I’se Senator Juniper Toots, sah. 
 I’se a politician sah. Dat’s what I is. 
 
 Geo. A politician,eh ? What are you doing here? 
 
 Toots. Well sah, yo’ see, politics am pow’ful weak jes’ now, so 
 I’se cavortin’ eround as de trabblin’ kimpanion ob er gemman ob 
 leisure. [Lights cigarette. 
 
 Bill. Say, come here. 
 
 Toots {comes to table). Yes, sah. 
 
 Bill. Is he heeled ? [Chummy searches valise. 
 
 Toots. I dunno wha’ yo’ mean, sah. 
 
10 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Bill. I me^li has he got any dust. 
 
 Toots. Oh yes, sah, he am berry dusty. 
 
 Bill. You infernal baboon ! I want to know- 
 
 Geo. {aside to Bill). Easy, Bill. {Aloud.) My friend wants td 
 know if the gentleman is wealthy. 
 
 Toots. Oh yes, sah. He am berry rich. 
 
 Chum. Juniper! 
 
 Toots. Yes sah. 
 
 Chum. I cawnt find me cigawettes. 
 
 Toots {producingpackage). Har dey am, sah. I done took'em 
 to keep ’em from spilin’. ^Comes down. 
 
 Chum. Yaas. He has kept a number from spoiling. 
 
 Toots. Duz yo’ gemmen- 
 
 Chum. Juniper! 
 
 Toots. Yes sah. 
 
 Chum. Pawfume me handkerchief. 
 
 Toots. Yes sah. \Joim CHUMMY. 
 
 Bill. Is that air thing what they call a dood? 
 
 Geo. Yes—he’s a genuine specimen. 
 
 Bill. I wonder what them things war made fer. 
 
 ' Geo. This one was made for me to pluck. 
 
 Enter Naggle, R I E. 
 
 I* 
 
 Bill. I say, Sheriff, here’s some customers for you. 
 
 Mat. Customers? {To Bill.) Look here, mister, I’ll have you 
 to know if you please, that Tm not in the habit of boarding in jail 
 with a sheriff, though you look as if you were and that’s a fact, 
 and if you aint you ought to be, which is my opinion and I don’t 
 care who knows it. And I’ll have you to know that I’m Miss 
 Matilda Corey of Massachusetts where I’ve been teaching school, 
 and my folks are as good as anybody else’s, mister! Sheriff in¬ 
 deed ! 
 
 Geo. {rising and bowing). Miss, allow me to apologize for my 
 friend. The sheriff is also the landlord of this hotel, so you see 
 this gentleman meant no offence. 
 
 Mat. Well, I’m glad to know that. 
 
 Geo. I assure you on my honor as a gentleman, that there isn't 
 a man in the Golden Gulch who would knowingly say a word to 
 offend such a charming young lady as yourself. 
 
 Mat. {gushingly). Thank you sir. {Aside.) What a perfectly 
 delightful man. Sit still my heart! 
 
 Bill {aside). Well, ef he ain’t got nerve 1 
 
 Nag. Would you like a room, miss ? 
 
 Mat. So you are the landlord, eh ? 
 
 Nag. Yes, miss. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 II 
 
 Mat, And the sheriff too ? 
 
 Nag, Yes, miss ; I have that honor. 
 
 Mat. Well you ought to arrest yourself and lock yourself up for 
 false pretenses in running a place like this, calling it a hotel and 
 
 ? getting people’s money without value received, and I want a room 
 
 acing the east only one flight up and- 
 
 Nag. Excuse me, I’ll call my wife. n- F., calls.) Mrs. 
 
 Naggle ! Come here, please. ^Aside,) I hope they’ll talk each 
 other’s heads off. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Naggle, d. f. 
 
 Mrs. N. Well, what is it ? 
 
 Nag. This—er—young lady desires a room. 
 
 Mrs. No All right—this way, miss. I’ll show you the best room 
 in the house, and will do my best to make it comfortable for you. 
 We make no pretentions here to style, but we try to make our 
 guests feel at home.' 
 
 Mat. [goes up, talking right through Mrs. Haggle’s speech with¬ 
 out paying any attention to her). I am glad to see a woman’s face 
 again, for it seems an age since I left home, and I am very shy 
 and retiring in nature and it is really painful for me to be thrown 
 into the society of these dreadful men, and I feel as if I should drop 
 from fatigue. [Exit D. F., with Mrs. Naggle, both talking. 
 
 Nag. It’s a dead heat. I reckon Mrs. Naggle has found her 
 match at last. 
 
 Geo. Where did you find her ? 
 
 Chum. I didn’t find her anywhere, don’t you know. She found 
 
 me, and I wish she’d lose me. I say, landlord - 
 
 Nag. Yes, sir. Can I do anything for you ? 
 
 Chum. Yaas. I’d like a woom, don’t you know. 
 
 Toots. Yes, sah. We’d bofe like a room. 
 
 Chum, [to Toots). I’ll do the talking, don’t you know. 
 
 Nag. What sort of room do you want? 
 
 Chum. A woom with a-aw-heat and a bawth. 
 
 Toots. Yes, sah. We wants a fiah an’ bath. 
 
 Chum. Blaust it. Juniper, shut up. 
 
 Toots. Yes, sah. \Gathers up valise, bundles, etc. 
 
 Nag. I can fix you up. I have a nice room with a real bed, and 
 a nice, new, tin basin. 
 
 Chum, [aside). A tin basin ! Good gwacious I 
 Nag. Would you like to see it ? 
 
 Chum. Oh yaas—I suppose so. 
 
 Nag. This way, then. [Goes h., followed by Chummy. 
 
 Toots [who has stolen a drink from the bottle on bar). Wow! 
 Ouch! O-o-o-ooch ! [Drops everything and doubles up. 
 
 Chum. Good gwacious I 
 
 OF IbJla Lil6k 
 
ta 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 All. What*s the matter ? 
 
 Toots. Ise killed, Ise killed ! De pizen in dat bottle I 
 
 Nag. Poison ? It’s my best whiskey. Come along. 
 
 Toots. Am dat so? [Gathers ufi packages.) It burned a hole 
 right frew de back ob my neck. Golly ! A bottle ob dat stuff ud 
 heat a room a hunnerd degrees 'bove bilein’. 
 
 [Follows the others off L. i E. 
 
 Geo. That tenderfoot will be an easy mark. 
 
 Bill. Yer right. Wouldn’t mind havin’ a whack at him my« 
 self. [Rises and goes up. 
 
 Geo. Well, I think I’ll take a stroll. [Rises, 
 
 Bill [at D. F.). Hole on a minute. Here comes ole Ikey. 
 
 Geo. Good. Keep mum now—I’ve got a scheme. 
 
 Enter Ikey, with bundlCt D. F. 
 
 Ikey. Goot day, shentlemen—goot day. 
 
 Geo. Hello, Ikey ! How do you flourish ? [Shakes hands, 
 
 Ikey. Veil, I’m alife und kicking, ain’t it? 
 
 Geo. Getting rich I suppose ? 
 
 Ikey. Rich? [Placing bundle on floor in front of bar.) Me? So 
 hellup me gracious, shentlemens, I sells my goods so sheap I gets 
 poorer und poorer effery day. 
 
 Bill. Bah ! He makes me tired! R. of table, R. 
 
 Geo. Well, what have you so cheap now ? 
 
 Ikey [briskly). Efferyting—efferyting. Vot youvant, eh? Rings, 
 pins, chains, or a boot\iw\ golt vatch, ch? 
 
 Geo. Show me a watch—a good one, mind you. 
 
 Ikey. Solid golt, eh ? 
 
 Geo. Do you suppose I would carry a Waterbury? 
 
 Ikey. Uf course not. ’Sh ! Don’t say nottings. ( Takes watch 
 from pocket.) I haf,here a magneeficent golt repeater dot I got 
 right from Geneva. It vas bootiful, bootiful. Oxamine it, mine 
 frient. 
 
 Geo. [looks at watch). Quite a watch. What’s it worth ? 
 
 Ikey. Dot votch? Dere vos nottings to equal dot piece of vork 
 in der whole- 
 
 Geo. What’s it worth, I said ? 
 
 Ikey. ’Sh ! Don’t tole somebody—people might say I vos crazy 
 —but you can have dot votch for a t’ousand tollar. I haf shown 
 dot to a lot uf de boys, und dey all say- 
 
 Geo. [returning watch). Good-day. [Goes up. 
 
 Ikey. Here—here ! Vot’s der matter mit you ? 
 
 Geo. Oh, nothing. [Continues up, 
 
 Ikey. Vait! Come back. [George returns.) I tell you you vot,* 
 it’s ruination to me, but take it for seven hundred. 
 
 Geo. Not to-day, {Going, 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 13 
 
 Ikey. Here! Don’t rush off like dot. I shall be so prout to see 
 you carry dot vatch dot I lose a couple hundred. Gif me five 
 hundred. 
 
 Geo. Too high. 
 
 Ikey. Suffering Abraham! He vants to ruin me. Vot you give, 
 eh? 
 
 Geo. I’ll go two hundred for it. 
 
 Ikey. Goot day, mine friend. \Starts up. 
 
 Geo. All right, good day, 
 
 Ikey {pausing at Jy. F.). I tells you rot—gif me— - 
 
 Geo. Not another red. 
 
 Ikey. Say three hundred. 
 
 Geo. I said two hundred, 
 
 Ikey. Veil—take it. But if mine brooder Moses hear uf it he 
 dies uf a broken heart. [Gives watch. 
 
 Geo. Here you are. Ikey. 
 
 Ikey. Yesh. {Counts money.') Correct. By de vay, vos deresome¬ 
 body going ofer to Sandy Bar to-night? 
 
 Geo. No, but Frank Evarts, the scout, is going over in the 
 morning. 
 
 Ikey. Den I vaits und goes mit him. {Goesaside.) Dot sale 
 VOS ruination. I makes only a hundred und fifty tollars on dot 
 votch ! [Exit, R. I E. 
 
 Bill. Wall, that gits me. 
 
 Geo. What? 
 
 Bill. Wall, I thought I war purty fly, but blamed ef I kin see 
 why you bought ther watch when you’d a pinched it to-morrer 
 anyhow. 
 
 Geo. I told you I had a scheme. 
 
 Bill. Spit er out. 
 
 Geo. Ikey has shown this watch to several of the boys. Suppose 
 it is found in Evarts’ possession ? This, with our testimony, will 
 be enough to hang him. 
 
 Bill {rising). Kin you do it ? 
 
 Geo. Certainly I can. 
 
 Bill, Put ’er thar, pard. {Shahes hand.) You’re a fust-class un, 
 you are. 
 
 Geo. That Evarts is entirely too good for this wicked world. 
 
 Bill. So we’ll send him whar he’ll be ’predated. 
 
 Enter Jess, D. F, 
 
 Jess. Will you, though ! , 
 
 Bill. Eh ? Oh, it’s you, is it? 
 
 Jess. Yes, it’s me is it. You’re a healthy specimen, you are, to 
 talk about doin’ Frank Evarts. Why, you big coward, he’ll break 
 you right into bits. 
 
14 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Bill. Shut up, you jade ! 
 
 Geo. [laughing). Go it, spit-fire ! 
 
 Jess [to George). And you, too ! You try to pass yours61f off 
 as a gentleman. But it won’t work in these diggin’s. If possible, 
 you’re worse 'n that big loafer. [Pointing to Bill. 
 
 Bill [shakes Jess). Shut up now, or I’ll snake yer sassy head 
 
 off! 
 
 Enter Frank, d. f., carrying a coat which he throws on chairnear 
 
 door. Springs forward, knocks Bill down, draws Jess to him 
 
 with left arm, and covers Bill with revolver. 
 
 Frank [coolly). I guess not! 
 
 Bill. Curse you I’ll—I’ll- 
 
 Frank. Oh, no, you won’t. Get up. (Bill rises.) Get out. 
 
 Bill [atD. F.). You’ll hear from me. 
 
 Frank [shaking revolver). And you’ll hear from this, if you say 
 another word. (Exit Bill, d. f. Frank and Jess go down fl. 
 George slips the watch into a pocket of Frank’s coat which lies on 
 the chair, and Exit quietly, D. F.) 
 
 Frank. Did he hurt you 1 
 
 Jess. Nope. Made my teeth rattle some. R. 
 
 Frank [seated R.). You’re a strange girl. 
 
 Jess. Why ? 
 
 Frank. Are you really afraid of anything ? 
 
 Jess. Lots. There’s mice—and spiders—and—dudes! 
 
 Frank. Dudes ? 
 
 Jess. Yes. 1 never saw one, but if I should. I’d be afraid to 
 touch him for fear he’d break. 
 
 Chum, [off L. I E.). Juniper! Juniper! 
 
 Toots [off L. I E.). Cornin’ sah, cornin’. 
 
 Enter Chummy, l. I E, 
 
 Chum. Blaust the fellah, anyhow ! \Looks off L, I E, 
 
 Jess. For goodness’sake, what is it ? 
 
 Frank. It’s a dude. 
 
 Jess [rises). Oh! 
 
 Frank. Don’t be alarmed. It’s perfectly gentle. 
 
 Chum. There nevah was such a— [sees Frank.) Well, bah 
 Jove 1 
 
 Frank. It’s Chummy Litewate I Where did you drop from? 
 
 Chum. From the woom above. Awfully glad to see you, 
 [Shakes hands.) Be careful of me hand.! You have a gwip like a 
 vise, don’t ye know. 
 
 Frank. Excuse me—I forgot. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH, 
 
 Chum. Who’s the young lady ? 
 
 Frank [looks Jess who nods). Miss Horton, let me present my 
 friend Mr. Litewate from New York. 
 
 Chum. Chawmed, I’m sure, 
 
 Jess. Me too, [Shakes his hand vigorously. 
 
 Chum. Ya—ya—yaas. Oh say, p-p-please let go, don’t ye 
 
 know. 
 
 Jess. Pardon me—did I hurt you ? 
 
 Chum. N-no—you didn’t hurt me^ but you mashed me fingers, 
 you did weally. [Goes up. 
 
 Jess [to Frank). There, I told you! [Goes R.) I knew I could 
 never, never touch a dude without breaking it. [Exit, R. i e. 
 
 Chum. Moses ! Who is the—aw—female Samson ? 
 
 Frank. Jessie Horton, the landlord’s niece; the best and bright¬ 
 est girl in the hills ; wild as a young hawk, but true as steel and 
 pure as gold. 
 
 Enter Naggle, D. F. 
 
 Nag. [gloomily). Howdy, Frank. 
 
 Frank. Hello, old man. You look blue. What’s the trouble ? 
 
 Nag. Another hold-up. 
 
 Frank. When ? 
 
 Nag. Last night, on the old Divide ; mail bags robbed, passen¬ 
 gers ditto, horses turned loose and harness cut to thunder. 
 
 Enter Matilda, d. f. 
 
 Chum, [aside). Wobbers ! Oh Lord ! 
 
 Mat. Robbers ! Oh ! Goodness, gracious sakes alive ! We’ll all 
 be murdered I Save me, save me! [Throws her arms around 
 Chummy’s neck.) 
 
 Chum. Yaas. Do save her, somebody. I cawn’t. 
 
 Frank. Don’t be alarmed, Miss. There are no robbers here. 
 
 Mat. I am so glad ! But if—if any should come, you wouldn’t 
 iet them carry me off—now would you ? 
 
 Frank. Certainly not. 
 
 Chum, [aside). If he knew her as well as /do, he wouldn’t say 
 that. 
 
 Mat. I am so afraid of robbers. I came pretty near seeing a 
 burglar once, and I just know I should have been scared to death, 
 if ][ had. 
 
 Chum, [aside). What a pity she didn’t see him ! 
 
 Nag. Well, miss, as long as I run this hotel, and especially as 
 long as my wife is in it, you’re safe enough. 
 
 Mat. Thank you, indeed. [Goes up.) By the way, is my room 
 provided with electric lights ? 
 
I6 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Nagf. Electric lights? Well, no. We’re just out of electricity, 
 but we’re got some blazing good tallow candles. 
 
 Mat. Candles ! It’s a relic of the Dark Ages. How do people 
 spend their evenings here? Is there a Browning Club in town? 
 
 Nag. I allow not, Miss. We’ve got a ruther frisky poker club, 
 but there ain’t no ladies belonging to it, as I know of. Still, if 
 you’d like to join— 
 
 Mat. Horrors ! I’ll go to my room and ruminate over the ter¬ 
 rible wilderness that I’ve drifted into. [Exit, D. F. 
 
 Chum. Good widdance. \Goes to bar and lights cigarette. 
 
 Frank [^to Naggle). Now tell me about that hold-up. Have 
 you any idea who did it? 
 
 Nag. Nary a one. I tell you, Frank, if this here thing keeps 
 up. I’ll resign. 
 
 Frank. I may be dead wrong, but I believe that Gentleman 
 George and Broncho Bill are the leaders of this gang. 
 
 Nag. Any proof? 
 
 Frank. No. That’s the worst of it. 
 
 Nag. I suppose we might hang ’em on general principles, seeing 
 as one is a card sharper and the other a tough. 
 
 Frank. But those are not hanging offenses. 
 
 Nag. Right you are, Frank, right you are. Come to think of it, 
 if they was capital crimes why, gambling and toughness would 
 stretch the necks of half the men in the Gulch. Besides, we’ve 
 got to do everything on the dead level now, seeing’s we’ve got a. 
 new Justice of the Peace. 
 
 Frank. A new Justice, eh ? Who is it? 
 
 Nag. O’Gooligan. 
 
 Frank. What—old Sniffles* side partner? 
 
 Nag. He’s the bird. 
 
 Frank. But he knows nothing about law. 
 
 Nag. ’Course not, and that’s why the boys elected him, 
 
 Frank. When did this happen ? 
 
 Nag. ’Bout half an hour ago, down at Duffy’s saloon. O’Gool. 
 igan doesn’t know it yet. He’s the right sort, even if he does 
 work for old Sniffles. 
 
 Frank. Sniffles is trying to put down the liquor traffic, and 
 O’Gooligan is helping him by trying to drink all the whiskey in the 
 Gulch. ! 
 
 Chum. Frank, introduce your friend. I’ve spoken to him iii the 
 way of business, but I cawn’t talk to him, don’t you know, juntil 
 we’re introduced. 
 
 Frank. Certainly. Here, Naggle, shake hands with Mr, Lite* 
 wate whom I met in New York last winter. 
 
 Chum, [to Naggle). Chawmed to know you. 
 
 Nag. Same here, pard. [Shakes his hand vigorous^. 
 
 N I 
 
 1 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 1/ 
 
 Chum. Oh—I—o-o-oh ! {^Releases hand.') Gwate Scott! You’ve 
 Cwushed me hand too, don’t ye know. It’s too much. 
 
 Nag. That’s all right, pard—here, fills glass from bottle on bar^ 
 have a drink. That’ll take the kinks out. 
 
 Chum. Excuse me, weally, but 1 don’t dare wisk it. Me niggah 
 dwank some of it and it almost killed him, don’t ye know. 
 
 Enter Toots, l. i e. 
 
 Toots. Yes sah ; dar’s jes* no sorter doubt ’bout dat. Dat ar 
 ficker jes’ done burn* a hole right frew me. I won’t be no good 
 in polertics no mo.’ 
 
 Frank. Why not? 
 
 Toots. Kase I can’t hold licker wiv er hole burn’ frew me. 
 No use bein’ er polertician ef yo’ can’t hold licker—I tole yer. 
 
 Chum. We’ll excuse you. Juniper. Wun up to my woom and 
 see if everything is all wight. 
 
 Toots. Yes sah. \Goes L, 
 
 Chum. And—er—Juniper! 
 
 Toots {^pausing). Yes, sah. 
 
 Chum. Lay out my pink bawth wobe instead of the sky blue. 
 
 Toots. Yes, sah. [Exit, L. 1 E. 
 
 Frank. How did you happen to drift in here ? 
 
 Chum. It was the Guv’nor’s doings. He said twavel would do 
 me good, don’t ye know. And—ah—by the way, I have a lettah 
 that he told me to give you. 
 
 Frank {takes letter). Excuse me. {Comes down a little and 
 reads aloud. Naggle and Qumumy converse.) •* Mr. Frank 
 Evarts : Dear Sir. The bearer, as you know, is my son. He is a 
 dude very largely, and a fool considerably. I think that a little 
 rough life in the west will knock the fool out and pound a little 
 sense into him. Please keep him out of danger and tell him to go 
 in when it rains. Yours truly ”— {speaks) Well, well ! 
 
 Chum. li)oes the Guv’nor giveme a woast ? Because he laughed 
 when he w’ote the lettah, and he always gives me the dickens 
 when he laughs, don’t you know. 
 
 Frank. He thinks it will do you good to rough it a little. 
 
 Chum. Oh, yaas. I suppose I will become quite tough. I have 
 learned how to play pokah, and I am going to learn how to smoke 
 cigaws and sweah, bah Jove I am. 
 
 Nag. {aside). The thunderin’ fool ! 
 
 Frank. You’d better let the cards alone. 
 
 Nag. ’Specially with Gentleman George. 
 
 Chum. But I always play with gentlemen. 
 
 Frank. Then keep away from George, for he would beat you 
 out of your eye teeth, 
 
 2 
 
l8 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Nag. He ain’t cut any yet, {ToFrank,') It’ll do the dude good 
 to git his leg pulled. \Saunters off. l. I E. 
 
 Frank [picks up coat and goes L,.). Well, keep your eyes open. 
 We’ll see you later. [Exit, l. I e. 
 
 Chum. Oh, yaas—I’ll keep my eyes open except when I’m 
 asleep, don’t ye know. 
 
 Enter Naggle, l. I E. 
 
 Nag. Well, is everything all right, Mr. Litewate? 
 
 Chum. Oh, yaas. It’s dweadful wough, but I suppose I’ll get 
 used to that aftah a while. 
 
 Nag. Rough? Look here, stranger. I’ve got the toniest hotel 
 on the slope—real beds, table cloths, wash basins, towels and 
 soap! I reckon you aint posted much on hotels. 
 
 Chum. Oh, I—ah—meant no offense, don’t you know, weally. 
 
 Enter One Lung, r. I E. 
 
 One L. Ole Ikey eatee, eatee, eatee. Bimeby sizz! [points up) 
 he bustee. 
 
 Nag. Has that Sheeney been eating all this time ? 
 
 O'ne L. You betee. Eatee, stuffee, callee foh mo’ glub allee 
 time. 
 
 Nag. I’ll see about that. [Goes R.) One Lung ! 
 
 One L. [jumps). Yessee. 
 
 Nag. Go to work, or I’ll skin you alive. [Exit, R, l E, 
 
 One L. No skinee Chinaman, Chummy.) Hello ! Dudee. 
 
 Chinaman lickee him foh cent. [Stops Chummy on the back.) 
 Hello, dudee ! 
 
 Chum. Eh ? Look heah—I nevah allow liberties like that, you 
 wetched cweature. 
 
 , One L. Shutee up ! Wantee fight ? Me punchee head. 
 
 [“ Squares off” awkwardly. 
 
 Chum. Get out, you yellow beggah. 
 
 One L. Whatee? [Dances about.) Callee names? Come on, 
 me putee head on you. [Rushes at Chummy. 
 
 Chum, [knocks him down). Take that, bah Jove ! 
 
 One L. Oh ! [Rises, holding jaw.) Me gettee fooled. Dudee 
 hittee all heap same like mulee kick. Jaw all bustee. [Goes R. 
 
 Chum. I say—don’t you want to fight ? 
 
 One L. Not muchee. You knockee Chinaman’s head off. Me 
 velly sick. Need buggee juice. [Starts up, 
 
 Nag. [off R. I E.) One Lung ! 
 
 One L. [disgusted). Oh I Gettee left—head punchee—jaw 
 bustee — blastee luck I ' [Exit, r. l e. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 19 
 
 Chum. Yaas, {Looks after him.') I’m weally quite a sluggah 
 aftah all, bah Jove I am. 
 
 Enter George and Bill, d. f. 
 
 Bill. Thar’s yer bird—a reg’lar jay, ain’t he now? 
 
 Geo. Easy, Bill. Treat him politely, {to Chummy.) How do 
 you do, sir ? 
 
 Chum. Aw—beg pawdon don’t ye know. Whom have I the— 
 aw— 
 
 Geo. My name is Dixon, and this is my friend Broncho Bill— 
 the famous horseman. You are Mr. Litewate? 
 
 Chum. Yaas—but how did you know ? 
 
 Geo. I have heard of you often as one of the leaders of New 
 York society. 
 
 Chum, {pleased). Yaas? 
 
 Geo. And as I heard you were coming here, I guessed at once 
 who you were. 
 
 Bill. An’ ther minnit I seen you I knowed to once that you’re a 
 sportin’ gent. 
 
 Chum. Oh, yaas, I like sport. Is there anything lively going 
 on heah ? 
 
 Geo. Very little except when some of the boys get warmed up 
 Ml a game of cards. 
 
 Chum. Oh, I play cards don’t ye know—especially pokah. 
 
 Geo. Indeed ? 
 
 Bill. I knowed he was a sport. 
 
 Chum. Do you play pokah ? 
 
 Geo. Very little ; I am not posted on the game, and— 
 
 Bill {aside). Oh lord I That gives me a twist! 
 
 Geo. And, besides, I think that gambling is wrong. 
 
 Chum. But, weally, there is no harm in a game of pokah— I as« 
 sure you there isn’t. 
 
 Bill. He’s right thar. 
 
 Chum. If you’re not engaged, we might have a quiet little game. 
 
 Geo. All right—but I’m afraid you are too sharp for me. 
 
 Chum, {goes to table R.). On me word of honah. I’ll not take 
 any advawntage of you. \They sit —George at L. of table. 
 
 Geo. Thank you, sir. Cut for deal? ( They cut.) You have it 
 •—go ahead. [Chummy shuffles and deals. 
 
 Chum. Shall we make it a fiver to come in ? 
 
 Geo. As you please. \They play. 
 
 Enter Naggle, L. I E. 
 
 Nag. Hello—the sheep-shearin* has begun* 
 
 Bill. Howdy, Sheriff. 
 
20 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 Nag. Howdy. 
 
 Bill. Hev a game o’ seven-up fer the drinks ? 
 
 Nag. ril go you one. {They sit at table, L, 
 
 Bill {^cuttingfor deal). Your deal. 
 
 Nag. {dealing). I hear as how they’ve ketched the fellers who 
 held up the stage last night. 
 
 Geo. [turning quickly in seat). The deuce they have—I mean I 
 hope they’ll hang the fellows. Who are they ? 
 
 Nag. [carelessly). Dunno. Heard they got nabbed in the vaU 
 ley. It’s none of my affair. 
 
 Chum. It’s youah say. 
 
 Geo. Oh yes—let me see— 
 
 Enter Sniffles and O’Gooligan, d. F. 
 
 Snif. Gambling! Gambling ! Beelzebub is loose! 
 
 O’G. [sees bottle on bar). No, begorry, he’s thare bottled up— 
 am’—an’ Oi think Oi ought to let him out. [Starts for bar. 
 
 Snif. Mr. O’Gooligan ! {Looks straight ahead. 
 
 O’G. [aside). Bad cess to him ! [Aloud.) Yis, sor. 
 
 Snif. Give me some tracts. 
 
 O’G. Yis, sor. [Ofens valise.) What do yez want ? 
 
 Snif. I want tracts on the Evils of Gambling, Rum, Tobacco, 
 Bad Language, Evil Associates— 
 
 O’G. Mould on, hould on—give me toime. [Takes tracts 
 from valise.) “Rum an’ Tobaccy ; ” “ Avils av Gamblin’ ; 
 
 “ Bad Language ”—thare ye air. {Gives tracts to Sniffles. 
 
 Chum. I waise you ten. 
 
 Snif. Degenerate mortals, have a tract. ( Throws tracts on 
 table R., and crosses to table l.) And you, more degenerate mor¬ 
 tals, have another tract. {Same business. 
 
 Bill. Go to blazes, you ole chump ! 
 
 Snif. The voice of the wicked is heard in the land. 
 
 Bill. And the toe of the wicked will be felt unless you clear 
 out. {Resumes flay. 
 
 Chum. Twacts ? Is he one of the Salvation Army ? 
 
 Snif, No, young man, I am but a humble worker striving to 
 put down King Alcohol. 
 
 O’G. [at bar). An’ Oi’m another who is strivin’ to put him 
 down, bedad. [Drinks.) Faith, Oi loike to stop at a hotel loike 
 this, whare the landlord laves the liquor on the bar. 
 
 Geo. What have you got ? 
 
 Chum. A flush. 
 
 Geo. No good—Jacks full. {Pulls in stakes and deals. 
 
 Q’G. An’ Oi’ll be full too, av they lave me alon^. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH, 
 
 21 
 
 Snif, Mr, O’Gooligan, we’re wasting time here. Let us go 
 hence, where my efforts will be appreciated. Come ! 
 
 [Exit, D. F. 
 
 O’G. Faith, now, Oi dunno. The ould crank pays me well to 
 carry his stuff around, but me darlin’ (/o bottle)^ I hate to lave ye 
 here to corrupt men’s moinds. [Looks around and sees that 
 he is unnoticed.^ Oi’ll take ye along wid me, an’ remove wan 
 timptation from sufferin’ humanity. (Takes a dfbik quickly, then 
 j)laces bottle under coat, picks up valise and staggers toward Ti. F.) 
 Whoop ! Hould the dure stiddy for me somebody—who-o-op ! 
 
 [Exit, D. F. 
 
 Chum. I’m having blawsted bad luck, don’t ye know. 
 
 Geo. Oh, you’ll rake in a jack pot directly. 
 
 Bill. George is having a soft snap thar. 
 
 Nag. I suppose so. It’s your deal. 
 
 Geo. I say, Naggle, bring me a cigar. {To Chummy. ) Smoke ? 
 
 Chum. Ah—er—-yaas, oh yaas ! 
 
 Nag. [brings cigars). Here you are—clear Havanas. 
 
 Chum, [takes cigar). I suppose I’m taking me life in me hands. 
 
 Geo. [lights cigar). It’s your deal. 
 
 Chum, Yaas. \Deals, 
 
 Enter Frank, d. F. 
 
 Frank. So—he has fallen into that fellow’s clutches already, 
 
 [Comes down R., unseen by the others. 
 
 Geo. I’ll go you fifty better. 
 
 Chum. Bah Jove ! I’ll waise you a hundred ! 
 
 Geo. Five hundred better. 
 
 Chum. Yaas? Well then I’ll waise you-- 
 
 Frank. O, no you wont. 
 
 Geo. [savagely). What do you mean ? 
 
 Frank [to Chummy). I warned you once, my friend, against 
 playing with this thieving card sharper ! 
 
 [Dashes cards into George’s face. 
 
 Geo. [rising quickly and reaching for revolver). Curse you ! 
 
 Frank [avns revolver). Hands up! I hold a trump card! 
 (George raises hands. At this instant ]^ss and Matilda enter 
 D. F. Matilda yells “Murder! Save me!” and throws her 
 arms around Naggle. Bill meanwhile draws a knife and •'usJItei 
 at Frank.) 
 
 Jess [stops Bill with revolver). And I hold another I 
 
 QUICK CURTAIN 
 
72 
 
 THE GOLD EX GULCH. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene — A rocky pass in 3th y^rooves. Mountain scenery on flat. 
 
 Set rocks R. u. E. a7id L. u. E. Tree stump R. front. Rocky 
 
 bank L. front. IVvigs^ trees and rocks. Sky borders. 
 
 Enter O’OooLiGAN and Toots, L. u. e., hearing foie across shout-. 
 
 ders, on which valise is slung. 
 
 Tcx)ts/ I say, boss, whar de debbil am we gittin’ to, nohow ? 
 
 O’G. Faith, Oi dunno. They tould me to folly me nose an' 
 bedad Oi’ve kipt it in plain soight all the toime. 
 
 Toots. Well, 1 moves dat dis yar percession took a rest. 
 
 [ Throws off fole^ letting valise drof. 
 
 O’G. Hould on, nagur! [Goes to valise.') Ye black imp o' 
 Satan ! 
 
 Toots [shakingfist). Who yo’ callin’ niggah ? 
 
 O’G. [kneeling and opening valise). Hould yer tongue. 
 
 Toots. Don’ yo’ sass me! [Dancing about.) I’ll broke yo* 
 head, I will. I’ll done gib yo’ fo’ weeks fit ob sickness I Oh* 
 Ge-— 
 
 O’G. [looking ^ip calmly). Nagur! [Shakingfinger, warningly.) 
 In this valise—among the thracts—thare is a bottle o’ the rale 
 ould stuff. Now, av that bottle is bruck—bruck moind ye-—Oi’m 
 going to give ye a thrashin’ that will last ye as long as ye live an’ 
 fer some toime afther. 
 
 Toots. Wha—wha yo’ say? Whiskey in dat ar’ ole grip ? Fo’ 
 de Ian’ sake, why din’ yo’ tole me afore ? Ef I’d a known dat, 
 I'd a let ’er down jes’ as easy as er fedder. 
 
 O’G. [searching valise). Moind what Oi tould ye. Av it’s— 
 [produces bottle) Hooray ! Glory ! It’s all roight. Ah me jewel [to 
 bottle), the thracts were a cushion for ye. [Drinks.) It’s mate 
 an’ drink both ye air. 
 
 Toots. Hey dar! Duz yo’ want me to choke ter def an’ fall 
 down dead standin’ up? 
 
 O’G. Wait yer turn nagur. [Drinks.) That makes a man 
 brave. 
 
 Toocs. ’Cose it duz ; an’—an’ I wanter be brave too, kase dar 
 may be Injins eroun’ heah. 
 
 O’G. Injuns! [Runs down to R. f?'u7it, kneels attd drinks.) 
 Injuns ! [Drinks.) Oh, Oi’m kilt, Oi’m kilt entoirely. 
 
 loots [with contempt). Fo’ de Ian’ sake! Whut yo’skeerd at, 
 nohow ? I din’ say dar wus Injuns hyar. 
 
 O’G. Av coorse not. [Rises tipsily.) Oi—ic—Oi wasn’t 
 froightened. Bedad, Oi—ic—Oi was only foolin’. [Gives bottle,) 
 Hare, nagur Oi belave ye’re scared. Take some. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 n 
 
 Toots. Har’s my regards. \DrinJ:s. 
 
 O’G. What an openin’—ic—what an openin’ fer a liquor store. 
 Toots. Look heah, Irish, don’ yo’ be salubrious, kase [cirbiks) 
 lease I’se dang’us I is. \^Drinks. 
 
 O’G. Hould on now, ye black son o’ Ham—ye’ve—ic—ye’ve 
 had enough. 
 
 Toots. Yo’ go to de debbil! \Drinks. 
 
 O’G. Phwat! Jumps up and slaps stage with hajut) Come 
 on! [Pulls up sleeves.) Come on, ye white-livered black-faced 
 omadhaun! (Toots drinks.) Come on till 1 wipe ye aff the face 
 o’ the earth. [Dances about. 
 
 Toots. Go ’way—ic—go ’way white trash. [Drinks. 
 
 O’G. Trash is it ? [Kicks Toots.) Take that now. 
 
 Toots [cal?nly). Ise been insulted. Ise shore Ise been in¬ 
 sulted. Ef I had my razzer heah I’d cut ’im. 
 
 O’G. [kicks Toots again). Thare 1 Will yez foight now ? 
 Toots. Yas, sail 1 [Goes R. and places bottle on stump.) See me 
 par’lize dis foreign impo’tation. 
 
 O’G. Oi’ll do him in wan round ! 
 
 [ They clinch and, yelling, work to, L. front. 
 
 Enter Magnus, r. u. e. ; he runs down, gets bottle, and goes up R. a 
 little. Drinks. O’Gooligan and Toots separate, and stand 
 apart, L. 
 
 Toots. Oh, my nose ! 
 
 O’G. Oh, me eye ! 
 
 Mag. Pale face fight ; Injun drink. [Drinks, 
 
 Toots [frightened). Who—who—who’s dat? 
 
 O’G. What’s what? 
 
 Toots. I frot I heerd suffin. 
 
 O’G. Yer mistaken. Nagur, .I’m satisfoied ye kin foight. 
 Thare’s me hand. 
 
 Toots. Yes sah. [Shakes hands.) You’se anudder. We’se de 
 champions, ain’t we ? We ain’t skeerd o’ nuffin, is we ? 
 
 O’G. Divil a bit. 
 
 Toots [shakes head). I’d like to see anyfing scar’ me. 
 
 O’G. Let’s have another diink. 
 
 Toots. Dat’s me I 
 
 [ They lock arms and turn R. , seeing Magnus for the first time. 
 Mag. How I 
 
 O’G. Injuns! Oh! [Runs to front.) Oi’m killed, Oi’m killed! 
 Toots [same business). So’m I, so’m I ! 
 
 [Gets behind O’Gooligan. 
 
 Mag. Ugh ! Heap fools ! Wah ! 
 
 Toots. Oh please, mistah Injun, spar’ our lives—specially mine. 
 Ise too young to die, I is. 
 
24 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 0*G. Kill the nagur av ye want to', but don’t kill me ; Oi’m too 
 good luckin’ to die. 
 
 Toots. So’m I. Anybody kin see dat. 
 
 Mag. Wah ! {Drinks,) Magnus, big Injun. 
 
 O’G. Nagur! , 
 
 Toots. Huh ? 
 
 O’G. Luk at him puttin’ down me whiskey. It makes me blood 
 bile. 
 
 Toots. Mine too. Ise biled ovah. 
 
 O’G. Let’s not endure it. Oi don’t belave the Injun’s very 
 dangerous an’, besides, it’s two to wan anyhow. Let’s do him up. 
 
 Toots. Dat’s me. Come on. {They join arms and swagger 
 toward Magnus.) Lookheah,yo’ no ’count Injun - - 
 
 O’G. Ye dirthy rid haythen- 
 
 Mag. Ugh ! \Draws knife. 
 
 O’G. {runs hack to l. front'). Murtherin’ Moses, Oi’ve done it 
 now! 
 
 Toots {kneeling before Magnus). Oh please, good, brave Mr. 
 Injun, I didn’t mean nuffin, ’deed I didn’t. 
 
 Enter Frank, l. u. e., followed by Ikey Sniffles, who car^ 
 ries bundles of tracts. Magnus drinks. Ikey remains at back. 
 
 Toots. Dat’s right, Mr. Injun—drink all yo’ wants, an’ I’ll gib 
 yo’ er gallon when— [Mag'NVS fushes him with foot and he falls, 
 facing audience.) O—o—oh! Wow! (Frank wrenches bottle 
 from Magnus, and hurls him r.) 
 
 Frank {kicks Tooxs). Get up ! 
 
 Toots. Wow ! Oh ! Ise killed, I know Ise killed! 
 
 Frank. Get up. {Jerks Toots to his feet.) So you have been 
 giving that Indian whiskey, have you ? 
 
 Toots. No sah ! I deny de lucidation. When in de cose ob 
 human events a gemman like me, sah, wants ter took a drink sah, 
 an’ a great, big red debbil comes ’round wiv knives an’ swordses 
 an’ pistiles an’ gunses, an’ says he’ll blow me to glory hallelujah 
 kingdom come an’ nabs de whiskey, taint my fault. 
 
 Frank. All right, then ; now clear out. 
 
 \Goes up and converses with Ikey. 
 
 O’G. Nagur! 
 
 Toots. Huh? 
 
 O’G. Let’s go back to the hotel. 
 
 Toots. Dat’s me. We’ll go back to de hotel an’ we’ll gfit 
 drunker’n a biled owl—den two biled owls. Yes sah. 
 
 {Follows O’Gooligan off, L. I E. 
 
 Snif. Behold the aboriginal red man in all his glory. Here 
 is virgin soil to work upon. Verily, I will give him a tract. Noble 
 child of the wilderness- 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 25 
 
 Mag. Wah! Ugh! 
 
 Snif. {^aside). His language is strange, and his breath unpleasant. 
 Ahem! Unsophisticated denizen of the forest- 
 
 Mag. Pale face big talk—heap big liar! 
 
 Snif. Unregenerate heathen—have a tract. {Gives several.) 
 Read, ponder, digest and consider, and then, oh noble remnant 01 
 2 .mighty race, you will say- 
 
 Mag. Ugh ! Pale face big fool! Wah! 
 
 yriirows tracts in Sniffle’s face and exit r. u. e. 
 
 Snif. Great Ebeneezer I If I thought nobody would hear me. 
 I'd say damn ! \Grabs valise and exit quickly^ R. 
 
 Enter George, l. u. e., disguised. 
 
 Geo. {speaks roughly). Say, is your name Evarts? 
 
 Frank. Yes. Who are you? 
 
 Geo. I’m Jenkins, ther new driver on the north line. 
 
 Frank. Well, what do you want? 
 
 Geo. I don’t want nuthin’. But thar’s a military swell down at 
 ther Golden Gulch axin’ fer ye, an’sayin’ it’s mighty important. 
 So as I war takin’ ther short cut I thought I’d tell ye. {Crosses R.) 
 That’s all. Good day. 
 
 Frank. Much obliged. I’m sure. 
 
 Geo. Yer welcome. {Aside, natural voice,) Now, curse him, it’s 
 my turn. [Exit, R. U. E. 
 
 Frank. Sorry for it, Ikey, but I must go back. 
 
 Ikey. Veil, beesness ish beesness. I vish you might go, for I 
 hates to travel dese hills alone. Und I always feel safe ven you 
 are along. 
 
 Frank. Got a gun, haven’t you ? 
 
 Ikey. Yesh. [Shows old style pistol. 
 
 Frank {laughing). That thing? You might scare a man with 
 it, but that would be all. Here, take mine. 
 
 Ikey {taking revolver). But you ? 
 
 Frank. I have another at the hotel. 
 
 Ikey. Mooch obliged, Mr. Evarts. 
 
 Frank {going i..). Keep your eyes open, Ikey, and if you have 
 to shoot, be quick about it. [Exit, L. u. E. 
 
 Ikey. Yesh. You bet I keeps mine eyes open. Shiminy 
 gracious ! I feel all uf a shiver. Dot man who come here mit a 
 message looked pad. Veil, uf I have to shoot, I shoot. So now 
 I makes a start. [Turns towards R. I e. 
 
 Enter George and Bill quickly, R. U. E. 
 
 Geo. Now then I ( Throws left arm around Ikey’s neck and presses 
 pistol to kis head with right hand.) Not a sound t Here, Bill, take 
 
26 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 his pack. (Bill takes bundle and runs off R. u. E.) Now then ! 
 leases Ikey.) Your money—fork it over lively. 
 
 [Ikey springs upon George and hurls him to front. He then 
 draws revolver quickly andfires, but misses. At the same moment 
 Bill rushes cm and knocks Ikey down with the butt end of his re^ 
 volver. 
 
 Bill. Did he wing you ? [George throws off mask. 
 
 Geo. No, curse him, but it was a close call. [Ticks uf revolver 
 which Ikey dropped.') Hello ! Evarts’ gun, by all that’s lucky ! 
 (Ikey staggers to his feet. ) Catch hold. We’ll go through him first, 
 and then throw him over the cliff. Lively now. 
 
 [They drag Ikey off, R. U. E. 
 
 Enter One Lung and Chummy, l. u. e. 
 
 One L. Lookee ! [Points R. u. E.) One man chockee full. Two 
 men cally him off. Gottee big jag on. 
 
 Chum. Yaas. One of the fellahs looks like the fellah who twied 
 to wob me at pokah last night, don’t ye know. 
 
 One L. Me gettee 'long home. 
 
 Chum. Yaas—but I haven’t seen anything of that wed skin, don’t 
 ye know. You said I would meet him along heah. Mr. Evarts 
 said he was a perfectly harmless specimen, and I want to see how 
 he compares with Coopah’s novels. 
 
 [ Takes book from pocket, lights cigarette and reads. 
 One L. Alice lite. You waitee—he come bimeby, me skippee 
 out. [Exit, L. u. E., singing as in Act I. 
 
 Chum. This is a chawming description of the noble wed man. 
 [Comes down.) So bwave—so honest. Yaas. {Reads.) “The 
 chief’s dwess was wich and elegant. His mannah was dignified 
 and gwaceful, and he seemed devoid of all petty vices.” Yaas. 
 How gwand—oh murdah ! (Old Magnus has entered quietly r. 2 
 E., and calmly takes cigarette from Chummy’s lips, placing it in his 
 own mouth.) What an offensive person! 
 
 Mag. Ugh ! [Smokes. 
 
 Chum. What’s he gwunting about ? 
 
 Mag. Ugh ! Pale face hat. 
 
 [Takes Chummy’s hatfrom his head, and places it on his own. 
 Chum. Bah Jove I He’s got gall I 
 Mag. Pale face coat—wah ! 
 
 Chum. Heah—I cawn’t allow that, weally. 
 
 Mag. Ugh ! [Draws knife.) Give Injun coat! 
 
 Chum, [frightened). Oh, yaas—yaas I Take it, take it I 
 Mag. [throws off blanket, puts on coat and offers blanket to Chum* 
 my). Pale face take it. 
 
 Chum. Get away 1 It has a bad odah. 
 
 t 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 27 
 
 Mag. Wall! [ Raises knife. 
 
 Chum. Oh—Yaas! yPuis on blanket. 
 
 Mag. [picks up his own hat — a battered white ‘ ‘ plug' ’). Hat! 
 
 Chum. Eh ? 
 
 Mag. Take Injun’s hat. 
 
 Chum. I cawn’t do it, ye know I- 
 
 Mag. Ugh! Yfams hat down upon Cwumy's head. 
 
 Chum. I wondah if I shall evah sec home again. 
 
 Mag. Pale face git ! {Points L. 2 E, 
 
 Chum. Oh, deah—I’m wuined foh life ! [Exit, L. 2 E. 
 
 Mag. Injun heap big dude ! [Struts down and exit R. 2 E. 
 
 Enter George and Bill, r. u. e. 
 
 Geo. Come on, the coast is clear. 
 
 Bill. What’s ther next move ? 
 
 Geo. Give me the pack. ( Takes it.) I’ve left in this a lot of cheap 
 jewelry. Place it behind the rocks yonder. [Points R. u. e. 
 
 Bill. All right, pard. [Placespack.) Thar. Now what? 
 
 Geo. Evarts will be sure to return when he discovers that my 
 message was false. We will keep under cover until he arrives and 
 then accuse him of robbing and killing the Jew. 
 
 Bill. That’s ther scheme—an’ ther cuss ’ll swing fur it, too. 
 
 Geo. Someone is coming. ’Sh ! This way. [Exeunt, L. i E. 
 
 Enter Matilda, r. u. e. 
 
 Mat. What a lovely day this is for a stroll through this romantic 
 region. Ah, me ! They said that I would be sure to meet my af¬ 
 finity out here, but I haven’t seen him yet. All the men seem to 
 dawdle around that little chit of a Horton girl, though what on 
 earth they can see in her to admire is more than I can imagine. 
 [Looks off, R. u. E.) As sure as I live, she’s coming down yonder 
 with the landlord’s wife. 
 
 Enter MAGNUS R. 2 E., unseen by Matilda, and sits on stump. 
 
 Mat. For a wonder, no men are tagging after her. It’s perfectly 
 outrageous, the way that she tries to fascinate the men. I’m sure 
 that I never could be so bold and forward. No indeed. [Sees 
 Magnus.) Why, if there isn’t that delightful Mr. Litewate. Aliem! 
 Ahem ! He doesn’t hear me. Well, at all events I’m not going 
 to throw myself at his head. {^Sits on left side of bajik.) Ahem! 
 [Turns away.) I won’t let him know that I’ve seen him. 
 
 Mag. [looks around). Huh! Pale face. Much old. All same 
 time, Injun got good clothes. Make heap mash! [Crosses and sits 
 
28 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 beside her; she turns away. ^ Comic business, ad, lib. At last he 
 puts his arm around her; she lays her head upon his shoulder ^ after 
 a pause she sees who it is, screams, slaps his face, knocking him over 
 backward, and runs off l. i e.] 
 
 Wiag. (rising). Ugh i Pale face fist heap like rock I 
 
 [Exit, R. 1 B. 
 
 Enter Jess and Mrs. Haggle, r. u. e, 
 
 Jess. Hurry up, aunt. 
 
 Mrs. N. Hurry up indeed! [Comes down R.) Do you think I’m a 
 locomotive injine? [Sits on stump.) Oh, dear! I’ve walked my 
 head off, trying to keep up with you, you young whirlwind. What 
 a fool I was to come tramping around over these mountains when 
 there was so much to do at home. There’s bread to bake and pies to 
 make and berries to can and—there ! (Turns around.) I knew it, 1 
 knew it! I knew it I 
 
 Jess. What ? 
 
 Mrs. N. I left a pan of cookies in the oven and every blessed one 
 will be burned to a crisp just as sure as I’m sitting here and the cat 
 will be into the cream and I’m going right straight home. [Rises.) 
 That’s what I am this minute. 
 
 Jess [forcing her to resume seat). No, you are not. I’ve got you 
 out of that stuffy old hotel for once, and I want you to stay out 
 long enough to get a mouthful of fresh air. 
 
 Mrs. N. Can’t do it, Jess. [Rises and goes uf L.) I must go. 
 My Peter will think that I’ve tumbled over the cliff and he’ll have 
 a conniption fit sure as you’re born. You needn’t hurry, though. 
 Bless my soul, I expect I’ll find everything at sixes and sevens 
 when I get back! [Exit, L. u. e. 
 
 Jess [thoughtfully), I wonder if I shall have as much to worry 
 me when I get married? [Sits on bank.) No—for Mrs. Frank 
 Evarts will never, never, never a landlord’s wife. It’s awful! 
 To be doomed all one’s life to wrestle with pots and pans and ket¬ 
 tles ; with bread that won’t rise and boarders that won’t pay. Poor 
 aunt! She thinks I’m smitten with that lovely New York dude. 
 As if I could ever marry a thing like that. My ! But he w a beauty, 
 and no mistake. If I had him I’d put him in a glass case and 
 throw sugax at him. \Introduce song. 
 
 Enter Chummy, l. 2 e. 
 
 Chum, [lookingoff L.). I’ve escaped from that howid, dweadful 
 wedskin. But how am I evah, evah going to get back to the hotel? 
 I’ll be disgwaced foh life if I’m seen in this get up. Jess.) 
 Hello, there’s that Samson young woman. Miss, I— — 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 29 
 
 Jess [sees him), Ha, ha, ha!' 
 
 Chum. That’s wight. Laugh at me twouble. 
 
 Jess. Trouble ? Ha, ha, ha ! Say, been swapping clothes? 
 Chum. No I haven’t been swapping clothes. 
 
 Jess. No? Then where on earth did you get that rig? 
 
 Chum. I’ve been wobbed. 
 
 Jess. Been what? 
 
 Chum. Wobbed. A gwate big cwoud of diriy, beastly, 
 wretched wedskins waylaid me, don’t you know, and took me 
 clothes away. 
 
 Jess. Oh, what a shame ! 
 
 Chum. It’s an outwage—that’s what it is. 
 
 Jess. How many were there ? 
 
 Chum. Oh, a whole army of them—thirty or forty at the vewj 
 least, all loaded up with guns and—er—bad whiskey. 
 
 Jess. It’s a wonder that you escaped alive. 
 
 Chum. Isn’t it? And it was only by exercising the utmost per¬ 
 sonal bwavery that I did, don’t you know. 
 
 Jess. Did you fight the whole crowd ? 
 
 Chum. Well—er—I cawn’t say that I exactly fowght them, 
 don’t you know, but I looked weal cwoss, and there’s no telling 
 what I might have done. 
 
 Jess. Say, you ought to be in the army. They need a few more 
 brave men like you to sweep these Injuns off the face of the 
 earth. 
 
 Chum. Yaas, I dare say you’re wight. 
 
 Jess. Then you’ll enlist ? 
 
 Chum. Yaas—er—well I’ll think about it. 
 
 Jess. Think about it ? I’ll bet you’re getting scarey. 
 
 Chum. No, I’m not. I’m not afwaid of anybody. 
 
 Jess." Look out! Hush ! I think I see some coming. 
 
 Chum. Oh, murdah ! Save me, save me. \Runs off, L. I E. 
 Jess. Ha ha ha I A fine soldier he’d make. [Exit, L. I E, 
 
 Enter Frank and Naggle, l. U. E, 
 
 Frank. There’s some deviltry afoot here. 
 
 Nag. It sorter looks that way. Have you any idea who the fel« 
 ler was that sent you back thar? 
 
 Frank. No—although there was something familiar about him. 
 Nag. Was he alone ? 
 
 Frank. Yes. 
 
 Nag. I heard a shot fired some time ago and-- 
 
 Frank. I’m afraid something has happened to poor old Ikey. 
 
 Enter George and Bill, l. I 
 
30 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Geo. You are right, Mr. Evarts. Something has happened. 
 Sheriff, there has been murder done here. 
 
 I Murder! 
 
 Nag. j 
 
 Geo. Yes, murder. Bill and I were crossing over the Di* 
 vide up yonder. {Points L.) Looking down this way, we saw 
 two men standing here. In this clear mountain air we recognized 
 both. One was tlie Jew, and the other was—do you know who ? 
 
 \To Frank. 
 
 Frank. Certainly not. 
 
 Nag. Go on. 
 
 Geo. Suddenly the other man drew his pistol and fired, but ap¬ 
 parently missed, for old Ikey clinched him and they struggled to¬ 
 ward the rocks yonder. {Points R.) Then the murderer struck the 
 old man with his'pistol and he fell like a log. The assassin robbed 
 his victim, hid his pack behind yonder rock and- 
 
 Bill {who has crossed r. , re-appears with pack). An’ here it is 
 now. {Picks up revolver near R. u. E.) An’ here’s the gun he 
 drapped. 
 
 Nag. Let me see it. 
 
 Geo. Wait a moment—I’m nearly finished. 
 
 Nag. Well, what then—what then? 
 
 Geo. Then he dragged his victim to the cliff and flung him 
 over. 
 
 Frank, The scoundrel! And you recognized him? 
 
 Geo. We did. 
 
 Bill. I’ll swear to that. 
 
 Nag. Who was he? 
 
 Geo. You want to know his name? 
 
 Frank. Certainly, man. 
 
 Geo. Sheriff, examine that pistol and you will find the owner's 
 name enaraved upon it; search him, and you’ll find the murdered 
 man’s watch. 
 
 Nag. {looks at revolver). Frank Evarts! 
 
 Geo. The murderer ! 
 
 Frank. What! I? Oh you damnable liar! \^Raises JisU 
 
 Geo. {points revolver ). Stand back! It's my turn now I 
 
 QUICK CURTAIN. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 31 
 
 ACT IIL 
 
 Scene.— Same as Act I. Discover Naggle behind bar^ wiping 
 
 . glasses. 
 
 Nag. I’ve struck a streak of luck in this hotel. House full of 
 boarders, a good bar business, all cash trade, and no opposition— 
 except Mrs. Naggle. She objects to the bar, but that cuts no rig- 
 ure. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Haggle, d. f. 
 
 Mrs. Nag. It doesn’t,eh ? 
 
 Nag. Why, my dear, I-- 
 
 Mrs. Nag. Peter Naggle, how much liquor is there in this 
 hotel? 
 
 Nag. How much? 
 
 Mrs. N. That’s what I said. 
 
 Nag. Why, there’s a barrel in the store room, and-- 
 
 Mrs. N. No there isn’t. I knocked in the head of that barrel. 
 
 Nag. What! \Crosses to c. 
 
 Mrs. N. That’s what I said. 
 
 Nag. Woman ! Did you dare- 
 
 Mrs N. Yes I did. ( Walks up to him, arms akimbo.') I want you 
 to understand, Peter Naggle, that I am the mistress of this hotel 
 and don't you forget it! 
 
 Nag. [sits L.). Oh, I’m ruined for life. 
 
 Mrs. N. No, you are not; but the whiskey is. 
 
 Enter One Lung, r. I E. 
 
 One L. You wantee me ? 
 
 Mrs. N. Yes. Take those bottles out and smash them. 
 
 One L. Whatee ! Bustee bottles ? 
 
 Nag. [jumping up). I’ll break your head if you do. 
 
 Mrs. N. And I’ll break your head if you don’t. 
 
 One L. Bustee headee do, bustee headee don’t; bustee headee 
 anyway. 
 
 Mrs. N. Come now, be lively. 
 
 Nag. Don’t you stir! (Mrs. Haggle walks up to him and looks 
 him in the face.) A—a—all right my dear—all right. [To One 
 fiercely.) Why don’t you do as you’re told? Take those 
 bottles out and smash ’em. [Loudly.) Do you hear? I want it to 
 be distinctly understood that I’m a temperance man, and that the 
 Golden Gulch is a strict prohibition hotel. Come, my dear. 
 
 [Exit, with Mrs. N., r. i e. 
 
 One L. Huh ! Ole man changee mind heap soon quick. [Gath^ 
 ers up bottles.) No sell buggee juice ? Knockce business sky high ? 
 
32 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Bustee bottles? Not muchee. Keepee bottles. Gettee bfg jag; 
 Havee high ole time. No flies on Chinaman. Not muchee. 
 
 [Exit, L. I E. 
 
 Toots and O’Gooligan sings chorus f7'om ** Comrades,’* staggev^ 
 ing in O. F. as they sing last line* O Gooligan has bottle, 
 
 O’G. Oi niver before in all me loife associated wid a nagur; but 
 out here Oi‘ d associate wid onybody, bedad. An’ me a Justice av 
 the Pace too at that 1 
 
 Toots. I nebber afore ’sociated wiv no ’count white trash, nohow, 
 but out heah I reckons I lose all my self cumspect. 
 
 O’G. Nagur! 
 
 Toots. Huh ? 
 
 O’G. Yer drunk. Oi think Oi’ll have to lock ye up. 
 
 Toots. Yo’s anudder. 
 
 O’G. No sor, Oi’m not. Oi’m only toired. Lane up agin the bar 
 while Oi sit down an’ think. {^Pushes Toots who reels against Nag« 
 GLE as the latter enters R. i E. ) Howld aisy now. (^Lufxhes into ssat^ 
 L.) The Coort is sated. 
 
 Toots. I—ic—I wanter go to bed. 
 
 One L (entering, L. I E. ) Me takee him — Puttee head asoak? 
 
 Nag. All right. There you go. [Pushes Toots to Onf Lung. 
 
 Toots, [going up ann in ann with One Lung). Wha fo yo* 
 wabble so ? Huh ? 
 
 One Lc Oh, dly up, [Exit, with Toots, D. F. 
 
 O’G. Begorry, Oi’ll not associate wid that ai: nagur ony more; 
 ony mon that’ll go aff arm in arm wid a haythen Chmazer is be¬ 
 neath me contimpt. [Attempts to rise, but falls back into seat.) No 
 sor; ony mon wid OGooligan blood in his vems cannot be too 
 careful. [Attempts to rise as before. ) Say what ye will, a nagur is a 
 nagur onyhowo [Same business.) Oi don’t know whether Oi want 
 to get up or not. 
 
 Enter CiiUMMY and Sniffles, D. F. Chummy wears blanket and 
 
 hat as i'l last act. Sniffles has a tom coat, smashed hat, blop(^ 
 
 nos?- ami Idack eye, 
 
 O G. By all the powers thare’s been a foight, and Oi wasn’t in 
 
 Nag. [aside). Don’t look as if they were in it either. 
 
 Chum. Blawst the Indians! 
 
 Snif. That’s what I say— damn the Indians. 
 
 O’G. L..k at that now—hear him shwear! 
 
 Snif. There are times when profanity is justifiable. Condem* 
 the tracts. [Elings dawn val 'u. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 33 
 
 0*G. Heretherel {Aside.") Oh, Oifergot. {Takes doifU.) Oihave 
 je safe, me darlin*. 
 
 Chum. He stole ms coat and me hat, and made me put on these 
 dweadful things. [E/in^s off hat and blanket. 
 
 Snif. And he fell upon me Ukc unto a Philistine and smote me 
 hip and thigh. 
 
 Nag. Who was it? 
 
 Chum. That w’etched Indian! 
 
 Snif. Yes—that Indian ! 
 
 O’G. Thare he goes agin. Oi’ll throw up me job. Oi*ll not work 
 tor a man who shwears. 
 
 Chum. I feel cweepy all ovah. {Goes L.) I’ll go wight up to me 
 ' woom and take a bawth. [Exit, L. I E. 
 
 O'G. Faith he’ll nade it av he’s been wearin an Injun’s over¬ 
 coat. 
 
 Nag. {to Sniffles), Here, old man {fills a glass from O’Gool- 
 IGAn’s bottle), take a bracer. 
 
 Snif. Thank you, I will. There are times when liquor is very 
 good for the stomach’s sake. {Drinks. 
 
 O’G. Oh, luk at that! Now Oi will throw up me job. Oi’ll 
 have nothin’ to do wid a man who drinks. 
 
 Snif. Ah, that puts new life into me. I can again gird up my 
 loins and go forth to battle with the powers of darkness. 
 
 O’G. Ye betther first go up-stairs an’ battle wid some soap an* 
 wather. 
 
 Snif. Mr. O’Gooligan, your remarks are slightly offensive; yet, 
 judging by the somewhat exalted condition of my nose you are 
 doubtless correct. I will go to my room. 
 
 O’G. An’ Oi’ll go wid ye. {Half rises, and falls back as before.) 
 Oi dunno whether Oi will or not. Try again, O’Gooligan. Niver 
 say doie. {Rises very carefully, and lurches forward, catching hold 
 of Sniffles.) Mr. Sniffles, Oi’m surprised at ye. Who wud think 
 now that wan single glass o’ whiskey wud make ye so drunk? 
 Here Oi’ve drunk an intoire bottle an’ Oi’m as sober as a hitch- 
 «ng post. 
 
 Snif. Mr. O’Gooligan, I am intoxicated. 
 
 O’G. Oh yis, ye air. Can’t Oi see it wid me two eyes? Ye 
 can’t stand stiddy to save yer loife. Come on. ( They go L.) It’s 
 a bad example yer settin’ me entoirely. Oi’m afraid Oi must lave 
 ye. Mr. Sniffles, unless ye refarrum, for Oi can’t aboid a man who 
 drinks. Stiddy now. \They exeunt, L. I E. 
 
 Nag. 1 wonder why some of the boys don’t show up. Frank 
 ought to be back from the Bar by this time, to stand trial on that 
 fool charge. {Looks off D. F. ) Hello ! One Lung has sobered up 
 the nigger. 
 
 Enter One Lung and Toots, d. f* 
 
34 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 One L, Nigga man allee lite ? [Exit Naggle, d. P. 
 
 Toots. Reckon I is. But now jes look har’. Ise er gemm»4i 
 ob color, I is. Darfo’ when in de co’se ob human events yo’ fine 
 it necessary to ’dress me, jes please ter recommembah dat my 
 name am Senator Juniper Toots, an’ spoke to me accordin’. 
 
 One L. Allee lite Tootee. Ilishman gone. 
 
 Toots. Say, duz yo’ wanter earn a dollah ? 
 
 One L. Dollee ? You bettee. 
 
 Toots. Ef yo’ put dat Irishman unner de pump same’s yo* did 
 me, I gibs yo’ a dollah. An’ ef yo’ kicks de stuffin outen him I 
 gibs yo’ two dollahs. 
 
 One L. Lemme see. {^Counts on fingers.) Soakee head, one 
 dollee ; kickee stuffin’, two dollee. {Looks up.) Say—killee dead 
 fo’ five dollee. 
 
 Toots. Whut yo’ take me fo’ eh? I ain’t no’sassination serciety, 
 I ain’t. No sah. Jes’ yo’ duz whut I done tole yo’ an’ nuffin 
 mo’, Unnerstan, dat? 
 
 One L. Alle lite. If me ketchee him, me soakee him head. 
 No ketchee, no soakee. \They exeunt, R. l E. 
 
 Enter FRANK ^zw^Naggle, d. F. 
 
 Nag. Now Frank, my boy, this thing is bound to come out all 
 right. None of the boys believe you did it. 
 
 Frank. Thank you for that, old fellow. 
 
 ' Enter Jess and^lKS. Naggle, d. f. 
 
 Nag. And you don’t blame me for arresting you ? 
 
 Frank. Not in the least. 
 
 Jess. Arrested? [Runs io Tka^k.) What does he mean? 
 
 Frank. There, there, my dear, don’t be frightened. 
 
 Jess. Tell me Frank, what does it mean? 
 
 Frank. It means—oh you tell her. [ To Naggle. 
 
 Nag. Well, you see Jess, they say that old Ikey is done up, and 
 Gentleman George is trying to lay it on Frank. 
 
 Jess. Oh the wretches ! I’d like to— 
 
 Nag. Take it cool, Jess. We’ll see Frank through. 
 
 Mrs. N. There ! I knew something would happen when I left 
 my work to go tramping around this morning. 
 
 Enter MATILDA, quickly^ D. F. 
 
 Mat. Happen! Well I should guess so. Send for the police I 
 Hurry up, hurry up 1 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH 
 
 3$ 
 
 Mr«« N. What*s the matter now ? 
 
 Mat. Matter enough. There’s Indians around everywhere—* 
 hundreds and hundreds of them. Our lives are in danger and 
 I’ve almost been kidnapped. 
 
 Nag. {^half aside). I’ll bet she saw old Magnus. \Alllaugh. 
 
 Mat. Don’t stand there like wooden men ! Send for the police, 
 I tell you ! Call out the soldiers ! Raise an army ! Goodness gra* 
 cious sakes alive I Do do something ! {^Disgusted tone.) Well, 1 
 can’t see what you are all laughing at. 
 
 Mrs. N. Perhaps he took you for a—ha, ha, ha I 
 
 Nag. Maybe he thought you were a—he, he, he! 
 
 Mat. [indignantly). Well I’m not?^ “ ha, ha, ha,** nor a “ he, 
 he, he,” I’ll have you to know. This is a nice way to treat me 
 after I’ve been frightened nearly to death and almost run away 
 with. I don’t believe that I shall ever recover from the shock as 
 long as I live. It’s a terrible thing for a young girl like me to un¬ 
 dergo such a frightful experience, to say nothing of being laughed 
 at. [Alllaugh.) Well, laugh, will you, laugh ! [Cries.) I’m sure 
 I don’t care so—so—so—so there now! You’re a lot of savages, 
 that’s what you are, and I’m going right straight back home! 
 
 [Exit, D. P, 
 
 Mrs. N. There ! See what you*ve done now, Peter Naggle. 
 
 Nag. What have I done ? 
 
 Mrs. N. What have you done? You*ve driven away a regulaf 
 boarder, that’s what. And goodness knows women are scarce 
 enough in this country, too. And regular, paying boarders aren*t 
 to be found every day, neither. Ugh I I’ve no patience with you. 
 
 [Exit, R. I E. 
 
 Nag. I half believe that those women are twin sisters, leastways 
 so far as their tongues go. 
 
 Enter O’GoOLIGAN, GeoRGE D. F. 
 
 O’G. How air ye gintlemen, how air ye ? 
 
 Nag. Blest if he ain’t sober. 
 
 O’G. Yis—Oi’ve had me hid under yer ould pump. So Frank, 
 me bye, ye’ve been murderin’ and robbin* eh ? Tut tut now, don’t 
 say a wurrud. Oi belave ye air innocent, but Oi must uphold the 
 majesty 2 iV the law an’ try ye, jist the^^same. 
 
 Geo. You can’t try him. You’re only a Justice. 
 
 O’G. That’s a lie fer ye. The byes elected me Judge about 
 twinty minutes ago down at Duffy’s saloon. 
 
 Nag. I thought Duffy wanted to be Judge. 
 
 O’G. So he did, but me son Mike persuaded him to widdraw. 
 
 Nag. How? 
 
 O’G. How ? Why wid kind words an* a couple av six shootCrS* 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 S6 
 
 And Oi say, Naggle, wud ye moind skippin* acrass the street an* 
 tellin’ me son Mike to come here ? \^ts dawn shot gun. 
 
 Nag. All right. Judge. [Exit, D. F. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Haggle, r. i e. 
 
 0*G. {to Mrs. N.). Oi trust, mem, thot ye’ll kindly excuse me 
 fer bringing me coort here, but ye know we’ve got no coort house 
 yet, an’ divil av an office have Oi at all at all. 
 
 Mrs. N. You’re entirely welcome. Judge. 
 
 Jess. And you will let us remain, won’t you? 
 
 O’G. Won’t Oi though ? Indade Oi will. Oi shall be greatly de- 
 loighted to have youth and beauty honor me coort room. Plaze be 
 sated. [Jess and Mrs. N. sit at rear. 
 
 Enter HAGGLE, D. F, 
 
 O’G. Well, where’s me son ? 
 
 Nag. Mike is playing poker over at Duffy’s, and he says he’ll 
 see you hanged before he’ll come. 
 
 O’G. Did me son Mike say that ? 
 
 Nag. Sure’s you’re born. 
 
 O’G. Ah, ha. Yis, Oi see. Well, you jist tell me son Mike av he 
 don’t git a gait on himself an’ come over here on the fly, Oi’ll 
 foine him fifty dollars fer contimpt av coort, bad cess to him. 
 
 Nag. All right. Judge. [Exit, D. F. 
 
 O’G. See me hanged will he ? Ah, ha. Well, Oi think not. Oi’ll 
 uphould the dignity av this coort at any cost. Here, Frank me 
 bye, lind a hand an’ hilp me bring the table up here. {They bring 
 table and stools from L. to upper R. c.) Thank ye. How ye two 
 witnisses go over there. {Points B.. Gb.ob.gb. and cross and 
 sit.) Now Frank, me bye, Oi want ye to sit here beside me, 
 {Points to chair at L. of table) so thot Oi kin kape me eye on ye. 
 Tut tut, now don’t say a word. (Frank sits.) Thare. Now 
 ladies and gintlemin, the coort is open for business. 
 
 Enter HAGGLE, D. F. 
 
 Nag. Mike says if you fine him that he’ll come over here and 
 mop the floor up with you. 
 
 O’G, Ah, ha. {Rubs chin.) Well, he’s excused. Let me see. 
 Naggle, I guess we’ll have to use you for wan av the jury. 
 
 Geo. I object. You can’t use the sheriff for a jury man. 
 
 O’G. Can’t Oi though ? Well now, who’s running this coort? If 
 it you or is it me ? 
 
 Qcob You are pretending to. 
 
 h ^ ^ ^ ' ■ r- 
 
• THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 17 
 
 O’G. Pretinding is it ? Thare’s no pretinse in your bein’ foined 
 fifty dollars for contimpt. We must get a jury somehow. Land¬ 
 lord, you’ll do fer wan. Now who’ll we have nixt ? 
 
 Nag. There’s a dude up-stairs. 
 
 O'G. Sind fer him. The bigger fool a man is, the betther juror 
 be makes. 
 
 Nag. [calls]* One Lung! Oh, One Lung! 
 
 Enter One Lung, r. i e. 
 
 One L. You callee ? 
 
 Nag. Tell Mr. Litewate to come down. 
 
 One L. Allee lite. \Goes L. 
 
 Nag. And bring in some more chairs. 
 
 [Exit One Lung, l. i e. 
 
 Geo. {aside to Bill). Stick to our story through thick and 
 thin. 
 
 Bill. You bet. 
 
 Nag. Look hyar Jedge, you know well enough that Frank is 
 innocent- 
 
 O’G. Oi belave he is. 
 
 Nag. Then why not discharge him ? 
 
 O’G. Bekase he’s not loaded. Oh, no, me bye. We must up- 
 hould the majesty av the law an’ prove what we already know to 
 be true, bedad. 
 
 Enter One Lung, l. i e. 
 
 One L. Come ’long, dudee. {Brings on six chairs and places 
 them in row L., facing C. Naggle sits in upper chair.] Hully 
 up, dudee1 
 
 Enter Chummy and Sniffles, l. i e. 
 
 O’G. Hare’s two more. We want ye for jurors. Sit down. 
 
 Chum. But I don’t see- 
 
 O’G. Sit down ! [Chummy sits quickly. 
 
 Chum. But, weally, I caunt- 
 
 O’G. Shut up! 
 
 Snif. Verily, I would say- 
 
 O’G. Dry up ! Sit down or Oi’ll foine ye. 
 
 Snif. [sits]. May I venture to inquire what is the nature of the 
 case ? 
 
 O’G. No sor. Ye don’t nade to know onything about the case. 
 All ye have to do is to foind a verdict. 
 
 Nag. Well, here’s three of us. 
 
38 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Enter TootS, D. F. 
 
 Toots. An’ here’s anudder. 
 
 Chum. Oh, but I object to hint, don’t ye know. 
 
 Toots. Wha’s dat ? Object to me sah ? I don’t let no white trash 
 dudes talk dat way sah, no sah. I’ll turn a razzer lOOse on yo’ de 
 fust t’ing yo’ knows, sah. 
 
 Snif. Behold, a row approacheth, verily. 
 
 Chum. I don’t want any wow. 
 
 Toots. Den yo’ better not insinuate any sorter specifications 
 ag’in dis yar chile. 
 
 O’G. Silence in the coort. Oi hate the worst way to have a 
 nagur on the jury. It goes agin me. Well, come here. {Aside.) 
 I’ll ax the coon some laygal questions. {Toots ai k. of iad/e.) 
 Air ye an American citizen ? 
 
 Toots. ’Spects I is, yes sah—yo’ honah. 
 
 O’G. ’Publican or Prohibitionist ? 
 
 Toots. ’Publican sah, yes sah—yo’ honah. 
 
 O’G. Who do ye vote for ? 
 
 Toots. I vote fo’ de man wot pays de most. 
 
 O’G. Do yez know the meaning av exfartef 
 
 Toots. Reckon not, sah. 
 
 O’G. Air ye opposed to capital punishment ? 
 
 Toots. Don’ know, sah. 
 
 O’G. Do yez recognize the meaning av meumet tuumt 
 
 Toots. Nebber seed ’em, sah. 
 
 O’G. Ever rade the papers? 
 
 Toots. No, sah. 
 
 O’G. Can ye rade at all ? 
 
 Toots. No, sah. 
 
 O’G. You’ll do. Sit down. {Aside.) Av he was only a white 
 mon what a foine juror he’d make. 
 
 Chum. I say. Judge- 
 
 O’G. Silence in the coort. We’ve only four in the jury, but 
 that’s enough for this coort. Gintlemin av the jury, stand up. 
 {They rise.) Ye solemnly shware to foind a verdict av 
 
 ye know enough according to the facts an’ what I tell ye or I’ll 
 fill ye full av buckshot sit down ! \They sit. 
 
 Frank. Well Judge, as you have settled the preliminaries I sup¬ 
 pose we may as well hear what those curs have to say. 
 
 Nag. I wouldn’t believe ’em under oath. 
 
 O’G. Nayther wud Oi. 
 
 Toots. Dat’s me, too. 
 
 O’G. Shut up! Silence in the coort! Mr. Gintleman George, 
 stand up. Raise yer roight hand. Ye’ll spake the truth, the 
 whole av it an’ nothin’ else begorry go ahead. 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH, 
 
 39 
 
 Geo. I have nothing to say, your Honor— 
 
 O’G. Thin sit down. 
 
 Geo. I mean- 
 
 O’G. Thin say what ye mane. 
 
 Geo. I saw the prisoner fire at the Jew, strike him down, rob 
 him, and throw him over the cliff. The watch found in his pocket, 
 the pistol with one chamber empty, and the pack belonging to the 
 Jew all prove that I speak the truth. 
 
 O’G. All roight. Sit down. 
 
 Chum. Beg pawdon, but where did this murdah occur ? 
 
 O’G. None o’ yer business. Broncho Bill, stand up. Put up 
 yer roight hand. Ye solemnly shware an’ so on the same as Gin- 
 tleman George, and av’ ye lie look out that’s all go on. 
 
 \Speaks his closing liHes rapidly, ignoring pauses. 
 
 Bill. I seed everything jest es George hes told it. 
 
 O’G. Ye shware ye aint lyin’ now ? 
 
 Bill. Sartin. 
 
 O’G. Sit down thin. 
 
 Toots. I— [yawns) I say not guilty. 
 
 O’G. I say shut up ! Now thin, Frank, me bye, it*s your turn. 
 Did ye kill the Jew ? 
 
 Frank [rising). I did not. 
 
 Toots. Dat settles it. I’s gwine ter bed. 
 
 O’G. Naggle, av that nagur opens his mouth ag’in ye have my 
 permission to slaughter him. 
 
 Nag. Kerrect, Jedge. 
 
 Toots [aside). Fo’ de Ian’ sake! I wantergo home! 
 
 O’G. [to Frank). Those min shware ye did. 
 
 Frank. Those men lie. 
 
 Geo. [springs up and reaches for revolver). By heaven ! 
 
 O’G. [aiming shotgun). Hands up, or I’ll save ye from hang- 
 in’. Naggle, take the arrums away from those min. 
 
 \He does so. 
 
 Frank. Old Ikey wished to accompany me to Sandy Bar. We 
 started, but were overtaken by a man who I strongly suspect 
 was yonder scoundrel in disguise. He delivered a lying message 
 which brought me back to this hotel. Suspecting foul play, I has¬ 
 tened to return, and met Naggle on the way. I had loaned Old 
 Ikey my revolver, but I know nothing of the watch nor the pack. 
 
 O’G. That’s a straight story. Ye shwear to it? 
 
 Frank [raising right hand). I do. 
 
 Snif. Verily then, somebody hath lied. 
 
 Nag. Look here, Jedge, Frank’s testimony is better’n that of a 
 thousand such fellers as them. 
 
 O’G. That’s all roight, but the majesty av the law must be up- 
 hild. It’s two agin wan, wid collateral tistimony behoind thim. 
 
 Nag. What’s ther upshot of it? 
 
40 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH, 
 
 Geo. There is no doubt of the prisoner’s guilt. 
 
 Bill. ’Course not. 
 
 Geo. Your Honor should charge the jury according to the law, 
 and lets facts decide. 
 
 O’G. Do ye think so ? Well now perhaps ye can run this coort 
 betther nor Oi can. Av so, Oi’ll resign. 
 
 Geo. I’m not trying to dictate- 
 
 O’G. Ye betther not. 
 
 Mrs. N. Haven’t you a verdict? 
 
 Nag. I believe we can give one off hand. 
 
 Toots. Second de motion. I wanter go ter bed ! 
 
 O’G. [aside). Oi am satisfied Oi shall have to kill that nagur. 
 
 Frank. Suppose you charge the jury. I have no doubt about 
 the verdict. 
 
 O’G. But Oi have a great deal av doubt. Ye see gintlemin, 
 thare bein’ no lawyers ayther for the prosecution or the definse, 
 Oi fale it me juty to presint the case fairly on both sides. There¬ 
 fore, Oi will first address ye [rises) as the attorney for the prosecu¬ 
 tion. [Aside to Frank.) Niver moind what Oi say now. Ahem ! 
 [Strikes attitude.) Gintlemin av the jury : Ye heard the evidence 
 given an’ it nades no flight av oratory to show that the prisoner at 
 the bar is a hardened criminal who ought to have been hung years 
 before he was born ! 
 
 Toots. Dat am so. 
 
 O’G. Yis, as me noble African frind says, it is so. Gaze upon 
 him, gintlemin av the jury. Is not crime plainly concealed in his 
 face ? Can ye not see it hidden thare in plain sight ? Think av 
 the poor ould Jew gettin’ this man to pertect him, only to foind a 
 viper who not only murdered him, but, worse than all, robbed him 
 before his own face an’ eyes while he lay thare dead. Now gaze 
 upon these two noble witnesses who have aided the law to bring 
 the murderer to justice. Their names will go thunderin’ down the 
 corridors av Toime as the frinds av justice, humanity an’ the con¬ 
 stitution. Gintlemin av the jury, ye have a sacred duty to per- 
 farrum. You may be frinds av the prisoner’s, but that must not 
 defate justice. The eyes av the whole world air upon ye. The 
 scales av justice hang trimblin’ in the balance, an’ onless ye want 
 chaos an’ ruination to swape over the earth, carryin’ death and 
 distraction in their wake, ye must, ye must foind the prisoner 
 guilty. 
 
 Bill. Hooray for the Jedge I 
 
 Snif. Verily, he should be hanged by the neck. 
 
 Geo. Let’s hear the verdict. 
 
 Jess, [angrily). Judge, you’re a brute, so now! 
 
 O’G. Silence in the coort! Ye will get no verdict until the attor¬ 
 ney for the definse has had his say. Ahem! [Strikes attitude.') 
 Gintlemin av the jury : Ye have heard the fayble attimpt made by 
 
THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 41 
 
 the prosecuting attorney to blacken the fair fame av the prisoner 
 at the bar. I will not insoolt yer intelligence by showin’ the wake- 
 ness av his argumints, for he did the bist he cud wid a bad case. 
 We must have defacto evidence. 
 
 Toots. Yes sah. Show us dat ar de facts. 
 
 O’G. We cannot have facts widout truth, an’ I deny that any 
 has been shown. Would ye belave min loike those witnesses ? 
 Luk at their crime-hardened faces. Guilt is stamped all over 
 thim, an’ the strong arm av an outraged Justice is reachin’ forth 
 to jerk thim out o’ their boots. Now gaze upon the prisoner, gin- 
 tlemin av the jury. Ye all know him as a gintleman, an’ wan av 
 Uncle Sam’s bravest scouts. He is incapable av desate an’ ye all 
 would take his word as a bond. Remimber that a man’s loife is at 
 stake an’ foind a verdict av not guilty or it will be dom bad ferye. 
 (To JESS. ) An’ what do ye think o’ me now ? 
 
 Jess. You’re an angel! 
 
 Nag. Say, Bill, why don’t ye hooray fer the Jedge now ? 
 
 Toots. We say not guilty, ’cose we duz. 
 
 O’G. No ye don’t ayther. 
 
 Bill. Hooray fer the Jedge ! 
 
 O’G. Silence in the coort? Ye’ll foind no verdict until the 
 charge is delivered, which I will now do as the prosecutin’ attor¬ 
 ney rests his case. Ahem! Now gintlemin, ye air to judge the 
 facts in the case. Whare thare is a raysonable doubt ye must 
 acquit the prisoner, an’ as there is no doubt of the prisoner’s inno¬ 
 cence ye will bring in a verdict accordin’, or somethin’ will hap¬ 
 pen. {Jury confer; Mrs. Naggle andargue with them in 
 dumb show .) 
 
 Geo. This is a mockery of justice. 
 
 O’G. That’s a lie fer ye. Justice is niver mocked in a cooit 
 whare I preside. 
 
 Nag. We have reached a verdict, your Honor. 
 
 O’G. Prisoner, aroise. What do ye say, guilty or not guilty. 
 
 Nag. Not guilty. 
 
 O’G. So say ye all? 
 
 All. So say we all. 
 
 Mrs. N. Hooray for the jury ! Why don’t you cheer. Bill ? 
 
 O’G. Prisoner, ye air discharged, 
 
 Frank. Thank you. {All but G’EOKG'E and'&ILL, crowd aroujid 
 Frank, shaking his hands. Mrs. Naggle embraces Naggle.) 
 
 Geo. {to Bill ). The jig is up. We’d better make tracks. 
 
 Bill. You bet. \They start towards D. f. 
 
 O’G. {stopping them). Hould on, hould on, now. 
 
 Geo. What do you mean ? 
 
 O’G. Oi’m not through yet. We have now to find out wh0 
 murdered Ikey Einstein / 
 
42 
 
 THE GOLDEN GULCH. 
 
 Enter, Ikey, d, f., hatless^ ivith tom clothing, 
 
 Ikey. Nobody ! 
 
 All. What!. 
 
 Ikey. I VOS not murdered, I fall on a ledge uf rock und es» 
 cape ; but dose two tarn scoundrels rob me und try to kill me. 
 
 Geo. It’s a lie ! Get out of my way ! \^Starts. 
 
 O’G. {^points shot gun). Stand back, unless ye want some 
 buckshot. Naggle, tie ’em wid a rope, an’ Oi’ll blow their heads 
 off av they resist. [NAGGL.K dinds Bill. George dtaws knife and 
 rushes at Frank.) 
 
 Geo. I’ll have life anyhow. 
 
 Frank {throws him off and pulls knife). Stand back ; boys, I’m 
 his match. (Frank and George have a short fierce struggle and 
 George is slain, falling at rear of stage.) 
 
 All [as George falls). Hooray, hooray, hooray ! {Men swing 
 hats. One Lung kicks Bill. Frank embraces Jess.) 
 
 QUICK CURTAIN. 
 
THE MAN FROM MAINE 
 
 A DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS 
 By CHARLES TOWNSEND 
 PRICE 25 CENTS 
 
 Nine male, three female characters. A young man from Maine, a 
 wealthy New Yorker, a young lawyer, a swell English lord. Faro Phila, 
 black sheep; a dude, a Bowery bruiser, Billy the Bum, a darkey servant. 
 A social leader, a woman with a history, a Daisy Maine wildflower. Time 
 of playing, 2 % hours. 4 interior scenes. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
 
 Act I. —Van Cruger’s vanity. The letter. A cool reception. Mrs. 
 Bradley’s cunning. The question. The threat. 
 
 Act II.—A week later. Some hot words. The decoy letter. A game 
 of cards. The biter bitten. 
 
 Act III.—A day later. Phil’s scheme. A specimen “tough.” An 
 untimely arrival. A shrewd adventuress. A brutal couple. The threat. 
 A desperate game. 
 
 Act IV.—An hour later. A “dive” in the Bowery. Billy the Bum. 
 A hard crowd. The row. A lucky arrival. A struggle for life. Muggins 
 learns a lesson. 
 
 Act V.—The next morning. A smashed up dude. Nearing the end. 
 Mabel’s experience. Brought to bay. The last resort. Foiled. 
 
 Timothy Delano’s Courtship 
 
 COMEDY IN TWO ACTS 
 
 By MARTHA R. ORNE 
 
 PRICE 15 CENTS 
 
 Two male, three female characters. A rich old gentleman, an old maid, 
 a young girl and her brother, a colored servant girl. Time of playing, 
 hours. The old aunt talks in Mrs. Partington’s style, i parlor scene. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 
 
 Act I.—The old aunt insists on her niece accepting old Timothy. Rick’s 
 little game and the darkey’s strategy. 
 
 Act II.—The scheme works. Timothy hears some things which astonish 
 him. His escape. Aunt Tabitha catches him on the rebound, and he stays 
 caught. 
 
ROBERT EMMET (New Version) 
 
 A Drama in fhree acts, revised by CHAI^LES TOWNSEND. 
 
 PRICE, 15 CENTS 
 
 This new version of this great historical drama, orig^inally requiring elab» 
 orate scenery, is so simplified by reducing the stage settings to four scenes—2 
 interiors and 2 exteriors, that it can easily be represented with the ordinary re¬ 
 sources of Town and Village halls, but retaining the plot and action of the orig¬ 
 inal drama. 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSON/E 
 
 Robert Emmet, the Irish Patriot Sergeant Topfall) of the English 
 
 Darby O’Gaff, Sprig of the Emerald Isle Corporal Thomas / Army 
 O’Leary, an old Soldier Lord Norbury "j 
 
 Dowdall, Friend to Emmet Baron George >the Judges 
 
 Kernan, a Traitor Baron Daly ) 
 
 Maria, Emmet’s Wife Judy O’Dougherty, beloved by 
 
 Peasants, Soldiers, Colleagues of Emmet’s, Constables. Jury. [Darby 
 Time of Representation.— Two Hours. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 
 
 Act I.—The Spy,—“where have I seen that mug before? ” The disguise, the 
 wrestle, defeat, recognition. The prisoner, the Sergeant baffled, the rescue, the 
 Judge—“ My name is Robert Emmet! ’’ 
 
 Act II.—Emmet’s home—the letter, “ I shall be home to-day.” The wife’s 
 plea. The search. Darby’s stratagem. The secret conclave. The traitor un¬ 
 masked. The escape and betrayal. 
 
 Act III.—Darby and Judy, “ Hurrah for America! ” Emmet a prisoner, the 
 trial, guilty, sentence of death, the parting from his wife. Emmet’s fruitless appeal. 
 
 BUTTERNUT’S BRIDE; 
 
 OR, SHE WOULD BE A WIDOW 
 
 An Original Farce-Comedy in Three Acts, for Laughing Purposes Onijf 
 
 By LEVIN C. TEES 
 
 Price, 25 Cents 
 
 Eleven male, six female characters (by doubling, the piece can be played by seven 
 gentlemen and four ladies). The leading male parts offer great opportunities for two 
 comedians ; the remaining male characters will yield barrels of fun. All of the female 
 parts are first-rate and none of them difficult to play. As pla^^ed by Matthews & 
 Bulger, under the name of at “At Gay Coney Island,” this play has won applause 
 everywhere from packed houses. It is a laugh-producer all around. Time of play¬ 
 ing, two and a half hours. 
 
 SYNOPSIS OP INCIDENTS 
 
 Act I.—Dr. Syrup’s office. ^ An M.D. in the dumps. “ When are you going to pay 
 me my v/ages, sa-ay?” Making’em feel at home. Poor Willie. Striking a bargain. 
 Uncle Abel’s scheme. Daisy in a scrape. An unprincipled plumber with a classical 
 countenance. A deputy sheriff taking stock on the quiet. Throwing out the wrong man. 
 Fifty dollars for a husband. Doctor, the bath-tub is busted and the house is afloat! 
 
 Act II.—The home of Butternut’s bride in Madison Avenue. Not such a soft 
 snap after all. “When I win my wife’s affections. I’ll raise your wages.” V/illie 
 floored and the ladies have a little set-to. Old acquaintances hatch a nice little plot. 
 The doctor and the undertaker disappear through the window, and the plumber 
 assumes control of the establishment. The greatest scheme of all. A burglar goes 
 a burgling. Another surprise for old Butternut. Uncle Abel is mistaken for a lunatic 
 and run off to the asylum, and Gophir Bill takes the last trick. 
 
 Act III.—Hotel parlor at Dover. Uncle Abel, bent on vengeance, sets a trap 
 for the plumber. Butternut on a bicycle. “She bought you for a job lot and got 
 stuck.” “Fixing” the Legislature. “Telling her all.” Willie’s infernal machine. 
 Making a will in a hurry. Mrs. Syrup gives up boxing lessons, and the doctor gets 
 another chance in business. The infernal machine knocks out the Legislature. Butter* 
 Sut on the matrimonial market again. Finale. 
 
MILITARY PLAYS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 M. F. 
 
 BY THE ENEMY’S HANO. 4 Acts; 2 hours. 10 4 
 
 EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 21^ hours.10 4 
 
 PRISONER OF ANDERSONVIELE. 4 Acts; 2hours.. 10 4 
 
 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours . 9 6 
 
 ISABEE, THE PEARE OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours. 9 3 
 
 EITTEE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting. 4 4 
 
 BY FORCE OF IMPUESE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2hours 9 3 
 
 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 
 
 RURAL PLAYS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2*4 hours. 9 3 
 
 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours. 8 4 
 
 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2^ hours; 1 Stage Setting. 7 4 
 
 GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 6 4 
 
 SQUIRE THOMPKINS’ DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 2 
 
 WHEN A MAN’S SINGEE. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 4 4 
 
 FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 3 
 
 EETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 1 
 
 ENTERTAINMENTS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 AUNT DINAH’S QUIETING PARTY. 1 Scene. 5 11 
 
 BACHEEOR MAIDS’ REUNION. 1 Scene. 2 30 
 
 IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; II 4 hours. 19 15 
 
 JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour. 3 10 
 
 MATRIMONIAE EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours. 6 9 
 
 OED PEANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^ hours. 4 4 
 
 YE VIEEAGE SIOSWE OF EONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 
 
 FAMIEIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMIEY. 8 11 
 
 JOEEY BACHEEORS. Motion Song or Recitation. 11 
 
 CHRISTMAS MEDEEY. 30 minutes. 15 14 
 
 EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes. 8 
 
 BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 14 hours. 1 13 
 
 OVER THE GARDEN WAEE. (15 cents). 11 8 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 
 
 

 COMEDIES AND DRAMAS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 31 *pi 
 
 BREAKING ms BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours. 6 3 
 
 BUTTERNUT’S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 214 hours. n 6 
 
 COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting. 9 3 
 
 COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 214 hours. 9 4 
 
 DEACON. 5 Acts; 234 hours.... g g 
 
 DELEGATES FROM DE?^~VER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes. 3 iO 
 
 DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3 Acts; 2 hours. g 5 
 
 EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting. 8 4 
 
 ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours. 7 4 
 
 GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours. 5 3 
 
 GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours. 5 3 
 
 IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; hours. 4 6 
 
 JAIL BIRD. 5 Acts; 2)^ hours. g 3 
 
 .JOSIAII’S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours. 7 4 
 
 MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 23^ hours. 9 6 
 
 MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 23^ hours. 13 4 
 
 NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 6 4 
 
 PHYLLIS’S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 6 9 
 
 REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 4 4 
 
 ROGUE’S LUCK. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 5 3 
 
 SQUIRE’S STRATAGEM. 5Acts; 234 hours. 6 4 
 
 STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 234 hours. 6 3 
 
 WHAT’S NEXT ? 3 Acts; 234 hours. 7 4 
 
 WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 234 hours. 4 8 
 
 WESTERN PLAYS 
 
 25 CENTS EACH 
 
 ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours. 8 3 
 
 GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 234 hours. 11 3 
 
 RED ROSETTE. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 6 3 
 
 MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 234 hours.... 5 8 
 
 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 
 
 CRAWFORD’S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 234 hours. 9 3 
 
 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 
 
 


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