SV2L. Price 15 Cts. The Saloon Must Go By Archibald Humboldt An anti-saloon play. A powerful arraignment of the saloon, made into a most engaging dialog, with enough plot to carry it along. A terrific bombardment of hot shot, embracing facts, comparisons, logic, song and story. More ef- fective than a dozen addresses. Should be used in every saloon fight, and made a part of every church and school entertainment. For high school pupils or other young folks. Two males, three females. Three-quarter hour. Copyright, 1909 By March Brothers MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 208, 210, 212 Wright Are., Lebanon, 0. Return this book on or before the Latest Date stamped below. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2016 with funding from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Alternates https://archive.org/details/saloonmustgoOOmarc The Saloon Must Go By Archibald Humboldt. j j j A Dialogue for High School pupils : two boys and three girls. (Copyright, 1909, by March Brothers.) ; ! j 1 V I 1 (Enter Charles and William, earnestly con- versing.) William. I tell you, Charles, there is no mis- take about it. The Publicity Committee is doing a wise thing in sending us young fellows out tQ address these meetings. All of the people in the country cannot get to the town meetings every night, or anything like every night, and they need working up. If we are going to carry this county dry, and do it by a big majority, we must get the information to the people and set them on fire. Charles . I know all that should be done. The only thing I questioned was sending young fellows like us, who cannot vote, when there are so many men who could go. 2 THE SALOON MUST GO. William . But many of the men are busy and cannot go all the time, and others lack the vim that they might have. I am inclined to think that the enthusiasm of youth, mixed with the wisdom of years will prove effective in this fight. It is true we cannot vote now, but they can't say that of us many more years, and when I can vote if I don't hit the saloon a whack every chance I get you can shoot me. Charles . Here, too. I have no use for the saloon, and certainly will do all in my power to kill it. I really doubt whether any of the sup- porters of the saloon are really honest. They favor the saloon because it is to their interest to do so, in dollars and cents, or otherwise ; but down deep in their hearts they know the saloon has no right to exist and they try to argue themselves m line for the saloon. Why, as I take it, viewed from any standpoint, whether you consider the moral, the civic, or the economic side of the ques- tion, the saloon is a disgusting, damnable outlaw. It has no right to exist. It is an enemy of all that is good, and the source of all that is evil. America should not tolerate it a single day. William . That's good stuff you’re giving us. Put that in your speech to-night out at Bethany school-house. Charles . So I shall, and a lot more like it. What have you got ready for to-night? William . Well, I have a lot of good points *hat I have gathered during the meetings, and some other material that I have picked up in THE SALOON MUST GO. 3 various quarters. By the way, did you happen to see the quotation regarding the saloon from the address of the Bishops of the Methodist Episcopal Church, made at their last General Conference? Charles . No. What was it? William . It is about the hottest ever. I am going to use it in my talk to-night. This is the way it goes : “We have no doubt that you will reinforce our position by some strong declaration which may, for the next quadrennium, serve as a war cry for the temperance forces whose victory, though in sight, is not yet wholly won. All great emotions are followed by reactions. But there ought not to be — nay, there must not be — any reaction from the wrath with which all good and Christian citizens pursue this sneaking, law- breaking, and murderous traffic. It deserves neither charity nor mercy. There is no law it will keep, no pledge it will honor, no child it will not taint, no woman it will not befoul, no man it will not degrade. It feeds upon dishonesties of conduct and on the shame of brothels. It stim- I ulates all revenges and makes the murderer dance I upon the body he has killed. It falsely claims to be a great public interest because it employs ) thousands and pays heavy taxes. But no money in the pockets of employers, and no taxes in the treasury of the city, county, state, or nation, can balance the monetary losses of the nation through 4 THE SALOON MUST GO. can compensate for the corruption of our politics, the emptiness of the drunkard's home or the full- ness of prisons and graves. Rise here and now and pledge eternal enmity to this foe of man and God." Charles. Say, that's great. Get it off in good style and it will make a hit. Got any more like that? William. Not exactly; but I have what seems to me is enough to convince every man, woman and child in America that the saloon must go. Charles. I hope they will be convinced. Hello, here comes the girls. I wonder where they have been? William. We’ll ask them. (Enter girls.) Hello, girls, where have you been? Kathryn. We have been down practicing with the choir for the anti-saloon meeting to-night Why didn't you come? William. Charles and I are to go out to Bethany to-night, to address the meeting there, and we have been getting our speeches ready. Janet. Isn't that a fine idea? How I should like to slip in and hear you. Don't get stage- fright, and don't fail to make it hot. Charles. We will do the best we are able. Our hearts are in the work and I don't think we can fail. Gladys. I am glad you are going but sorry you must miss the meeting in town. I wouldn't miss one of them for anything. Isn’t it wonder- ful, the interest and enthusiasm? THE SALOON MUST GO. 5 William. Yes, Gladys, and no, too. It is wonderful that the people have ever been so blind to the truth that they would tolerate the saloon. Kathryn. I wish I had a chance to make a speech. I am becoming a perfect cyclopaedia of information on the saloon question. Say, folks, did you know that five cents worth of peanuts contains as much food value as fifty glasses of beer? Charles. Is that a fact? Kathryn . A scientific fact. And then the shells of the peanuts have as much food value as two glasses more. Janet. Did you get that point about the saloon being the poor man’s club? — you know that is what they say. Well, we have to acknowl- edge it is the poor man’s club. It is more effective than Teddy’s big stick. It knocks him clear out every time. Gladys. I like that argument about Kansas They have been without saloons in that state long enough for it to tell. And it is telling. Of the one hundred and five counties in Kansas, thirty-five have no jails, thirty-seven no criminal cases, twenty-five counties have no poor-houses, and sixteen more counties have poor-houses but no paupers to put in them. If this state of affairs is not due to “no saloons,” why don’t some saloon states match it? William. It is very easy to see that when eighty-five per cent, of all inmates of jails and 6 THE SALOON MUST GO. penitentiaries get there through drink, if you eliminate the drink, the expense of such institu- tions is cut off. And yet some people argue that the saloon tax pays for keeping up such institu- tions. I lose all patience with such people. Three-fourths of the cost of all jails, infirmaries and asylums is due to the saloon, while the saloon tax is not sufficient to pay one-fifth of the damage it causes. And yet these people cry “tax,” “tax.” Kathryn . Like the little boy who trained his billy goat in one saloon fight to bleat “ta-a-a-x,” “ta-a-a-x.” Charles . Oh, Kathryn, you’re a corker, sure. That story ought to be enough to stop the cry of “tax.” There is one other fallacy as absurd as the tax illusion, and that is the idea that the saloon helps business. Janet. Can anybody believe such foolishness? Just as if people could spend their money twice — once at the saloon and again at the grocery. The argument is really too silly to pay attention to. It reminds me of Mr. Rutledge’s story of the no- account Irishman. One morning he quarreled with his industrious wife as usual, and went off for the da/: An accident happened and he was killed. They sent another Irishman up to break the news. He began: “Mistress Morphy, I’m afther havin’ bad news for ye. Yur ould mon was down to the quarry, and an accident hap- pened, and he was hurt a bit.” Mrs. Murphy gave a faint smile. Pat was surprised. He said : THE SALOON MUST GO. % “Mistress Morphy, I’m thinkin’ ye don’t under- sthand. Yur ould mon is bad hurted and is in a very serious condithion.” Mrs. Murphy smiled a little more. This angered Pat, and he came out good and strong: “Mistress Morphy, I’ll have you to understhand that your ould man is kilt intoirly, and they’ll be bringin’ him home on a shutther now.” Mrs. Murphy placed a hand to her lip and said : “Don’t say onythin’ more now, Pat; I’ve a crack in me lip an’ it hurts me to laugh.” So when people say that the saloon helps business, I want to tell them I have a crack in my lip and it hurts me to laugh. Charles . Yet they do say it and some peopfe will be fooled thereby. I have a lot of arguments bearing on that point. r Gladys . Tell us about them. Charles . Well, there is the matter of the bank deposits in the state of Maine. Now, Maine has been without the saloons long enough for it to have an effect on the finances of the state and the people, and the result is telling. They adopted prohibiton in 1855, and when anybody says prohibiton doesn’t prohibit, tell them they — had better go to Maine and they’ll see. But I was going to tell you about the bank deposits. Although Maine was the poorest state in the Union when it adopted prohibition, the bank deposits of the state now amount to $104.00 for every man, woman and child, while in the great* rich state of Illinois, they amount to only $20.74 —five times as much in Maine as in Illinois. THE SALOON MUST GO. Maine has twenty-two millions more in its sav- ings banks than has the rich state of Ohio. Forty-nine out of every one hundred working men in Maine own their own homes, more than in any other state in the Union. Kathryn. Good for old Maine. That certain- ly is convincing. Give us some more, Charles. Charles. Well, another strong point is in ref- erence to the corn crop. You know the Wets say that if there were no saloons the farmers would have no market for their corn, because it all goes to make beer. That is a lie. Only two per cent, of the country’s corn crop is used in the manufacture of liquors ; ninety-eight per cent, goes into decent hogs and other human beings. One-fiftieth of the country’s corn crop only goes to vile uses. Why, there are four counties in Illinois that raise more corn than the breweries and distilleries of all the country use. We could easily take care of that surplus. We could raise more hogs and less hell. . Janet. Why, Charles! x Charles. That’s not swearing. That’s a good old orthodox word. Besides, it’s true and ex* pressive. William. The language is justified, for the saloon is the cause of three-fourths of the hell that exists. Think of one hundred thousand men dying drunkards every year, and of the five mil- lion more who are in training, and whose useful- ness is impaired at least one-fifth. The loss to the country for this cause is not less than a THE SALOON MUST GO. 9 billion dollars a year. For this reason the use of liquor is forbidden by every railroad in the land, as well as mine owners, steel manufacturers, banks, and all other such industries. When these great business men come out and say, “We can not employ a man who drinks,” it is time to put drink out of the reach of the young men of the country. Gladys . Fve got another strong argument. The saloon directs money into unproductive channels. One ordinary saloon will take in, in a year, about ten thousand dollars, as much as five ordinary farms will produce. It will take ten or fifteen men to run the farms, while two or three men can run the saloon. This isn’t equal. Of $800.00 paid for general goods used by the family, $143.00 goes for the labor to pro- duce them, while if $800.00 is paid for beer, only $9.43 goes for labor. So you do fifteen times as much for labor when you buy dry goods and groceries as when you buy beer. This is unfair. Then again: In a shoe factory, one man is employed for every $675.00 invested, while in the manufacture of liquor only one man is employed for $8,688.00 invested. Again ten times the ar- gument against the saloon. Janet . The only solution of the saloon ques- tion is “no saloon.” Eighty-one per cent, of the children of drunkards are diseased, against only sixteen per cent, of the children of total ab- stainers. Ninety-eight per cent, of the imbeciles of the land are the children of drunkards. 10 THE SALOON MUST GO. Kathryn . Listen while I tell you about a bushel of corn. The farmer who sold it got from 25 to 50 cents for it. The distiller made from it, with the aid of various harmful products, four gallons of whisky which retailed for $16.40. The United States Government, through its tax on whiskey, gets $4.40. The railroad company gets $1.00. The drayman who hauls the whiskey gets 15 cents. The saloon keeper gets $7.00. The men who drink the whisky get — drunk. Their wives get hunger and sorrow. Their chil- dren get rags and abuse. Are the people mad that they tolerate such infamy? William . Enough ! enough ! Don’t tell me anything more or my head will burst. All of the argument is on one side. Nobody can fail to see it. Janet . But there is one thing more that I want you to tell the men out at Bethany school- house. Tell them that of every five families in the land, one must contribute a boy to fill a drunkard’s grave. Ask them if it shall be their boy. Gladys. And say further that if they vote for the saloon they are giving it license to make a drunkard of their boy. William. That ought to fix every vote in our county. But I am afraid some men think more of their pocket-books than they do of their boys. Gladys. But they are waking up! All over the land the “Drys” are gaining. More territory has been made dry in the last two years than in THE SALOON MUST GO. 11 fifty years before. And the “Drys” are still marching on to victory. Janet . That's right. The saloon must go. Oh, boys, have you heard the recitation Kathryn I is to give to-night on the South going dry ? Give it to them, Kathryn. Kathryn. So I will. The practice will be good for me. Here goes. THE SOUTH IS GOING DRY. Lay the jest about the julep in the camphor balls at last, For the miracle has happened, and the olden days are past ; That which makes Milwaukee famous does not foam in Tennessee, And the lid in Hoke Smith’s Georgia’s locked as tight as tight can be; And the comic paper colonel and his cronies well may sigh, . For the whisky flows no longer and the South is going dry. By the still side on the hillside in Kentucky all is still, And the only damp refreshment must be dipped up from the rill. Nawth C’lina’s stately ruler gives his soda glass a shove And discusses local option with the So’th Ca’lina “Guv.” It is useless at the fountain to be winkful o’ the eye, For the cocktail glass is dusty and the South is going dry. It is “water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink We no longer hear the music of the yellow crystal clink u. of us. 12 THE SALOON MUST GO. When the Colonel and the Major, and the Genial and the Jedge Meet to take a little nip and give their appetites an edge, For the eggnog now is nogless and the rye has gone awry, And the punch bowl holds carnations, for the South is going dry. All the nightcaps now have tassels and are worn upon the head ; Gone the nightcaps that were taken when nobody went to bed; And the breeze above the blue grass is as solemn as in death. For it bears no pungent clove tange on its odorific breath ; And each man can walk the chalk line when the stars are in the sky. For the fizz glass now is fizzless and the South is going dry. Lay the jest about the julep ’neath the chestnut tree at last, For there’s but one kind of moonshine and the olden days are past. The water wagon rumbles through the Southland on its trip And it helps no one to drop off to pick up the driver’s whip; For the mint beds now are mintless and the cork screw hangeth high, All is still along the still side, and the South is going dry. Charles . Hurrah ! hurrah ! isn't it great ! Say, Kathryn, give me a copy of that. I want to use it to-night. THE SALOON MUST GO. 13 Kathryn . I will gladly. William . It’s fine and sure to count. Well, folks, we must be going. Gladys. That we must. And boys, do your best to-night. Bear on extra hard for me. I can’t do it; you must do it for me. That re- minds me of another story of Mr. Rutledge. Mike lived with his mother-in-law and got along beautifully. They never had a word of trouble. But one spring the mother-in-law took sick and gradually wasted away. Finally the doctor held a consultation, and at the close called Mike and said: “Mike, there is no other way; you will simply have to send your mother-in-law to a warmer climate. There is no other way.” Mike went out like one in a dream. Soon he returned with an axe, which he set beside the door. Heaving a sigh and scratching his head, he said : “Doc, you’ll jist have to hit her, I can’t.” So you’ll have to say this for me, for I can’t, and tell those men out there, for a poor, defenseless girl, that they must hit the saloon, and hit it hard, for I can’t. Charles. Isn’t it a shame that the women can’t vote? Janet. Some day we can, and then — William. Then it’s goodbye to the saloons. Janet. Now before we go, let’s sing that song we love so well. Hit it up lively, and put vim into it. Now ! (They all sing one of the follow- ing songs.) 14 THE SALOON MUST GO. BATTLE HYMN OF COUNTY OPTION. Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic. Do you hear the tramp of thousands Bringing up the grand reserve? For the thickest of the onset Gather faith, and pluck, and nerve; While our loved ones watch rejoicing, From our duty never swerve, For God is marching on! Chorus : Glory, Glory Hallelujah, Yes, God is marching on! We have joined our hands together, As we face a common foe; Many hearts at many altars Pray for us as forth we go. In the name of God we’ll triumph And the traffic overthrow, While God is marching on! Chorus. # Then at last you’ll hear the chorus, “From the river to the sea,” Chanting our glad hallelujah, From the liquor traffic free, And the state will ring with gladness, For our glorious victory. As God goes marching on! Chorus. WE’LL VOTE OUR COUNTY DRY. Tune: “Annie Laurie.” Our County’s lads are bonnie, Her lassies fair and true; And for them, oh fathers brawny, Ye must your duty do. THE SALOON MUST GO. 15 And this shall be our cry, We’ll vote our county dry, And for love of home and dear ones, We’ll vote this county dry. Like demons fierce and daring Lie many gilded dens, Nor for soul nor body caring, They snare both foe and friends. But this shall be our cry, We’ll vote our county dry, And for love of home and dear ones, We’ll vote this county dry. O men who. love our country, O men, with purpose strong, Unite to save our county From rum and all its wrong. We’ll raise the battle cry. And vote five thousand dry, And for love of home and dear ones We’ll vote this county dry. LIQUOR HAS HAD ITS DAY. Tune: “America.” Liquor has had its day! Out from beneath its way, Ohio brave Now rises in her might. Throws off its deadening blight, Rejoices in the right Her homes to save! Liquor has had its day! Out from beneath its sway, Fair Buckeye State! From lake to river shore Open saloons no more Shall curse us, as of yore, They’re out of date. 16 THE SALOON MUST GO. Who can defend the ways, What man can sing the praise Of the saloon? It lives for selfish ends ! Loves man for what he spends, It has no real friends ! Down with it soon ! Lovers of Liberty, Help us our state to free From curse of rum. Vote every county dry, Stop starving children’s cry, Wipe tears from women’s eye, Help save the home. Janet . And now for the last thing — our yell. All together : Hip ! Hip ! ! All together (very loud and clear). Raw, Rank, Row ! Whim, Wham, Wow ! Murder! Arson! Bloodshed! Woe! Beer and Whiskey! Every man’s foe! No more foolishness! No! No! No! North and South, THE SALOON MUST GO ! ! ! ! (Curtain.) Instead of the songs given above, or in addition to them, we recommend the stirring new song by W. C. Tichenor, entitled, “Vote Dry, Then.” This is a tuneful solo, recounting the reasons for voting dry, with a rousing chorus that will linger with the people and be whistled on the streets for weeks afterward. Price, 25 cents. Order from March Brothers, Lebanon, Ohio. — BY — EFFIE LOUISE KOOGLE. Author of “In Music- Land ,” “Kris Kringle Jingles /’ “The Colonial Song Novelties,” etc. The songs of this composer are always more than singable ; they combine a quaint freshness, and a novel appropriateness that is unusual. These new songs will be wel- comed because of their real merit and use- fulness. E Winter Eullaby. Surely a provoker of pleasant dreams. Beautiful lullabies are always popular, and this one will prove unusually so because of the happy combination of sensible words, appropriate for any singer, the soulful mu- sical setting, the effective expression, the dainty and fitting piano part, and the sooth- ing, fascinating melody. For adult singer, medium voice (d to e). 35 cents. Eittle Cbaaksgtoiita Workers. An action song for one or more little girls. Describes the preparation for the an- nual feast-day most effectively. A pleasing melody which little singers will relish. Not difficult. Especially appropriate for Thanksgiving, but can be adapted to any Other day. 25 cents. Cbankful Bobby. A solo for a small boy. A delightful thanksgiving number. Expressive words, a tuneful melody with range suited to a small boy’s voice, and an appropriate ac- companiment. Bobby gives good reasons for being thankful — - from a boy’s view- point. 25 cents. 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