^^Chicago, Chicago, That toddlin, town, toddlin' town , . /^'^ *From the song "Chicago" by Fred Fisher, copyright, 1949, by Fred Fisher Miisic Co., Inc. THAT TODDLIN' TOWN A ROWDY BURLESQUE OF CHICAGO MANNERS AND MORALS BY HUGH M. HEFNER CHI PUBLISHERS, CHICAGO Dedicated to a wife named Millie, my soul mate and sole support Copyright, 1951, by Hugh M. Hefner 1922 N. New England Ave., Chicago 35 All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, must not be reproduced in any form without permission FIRST PRINTING Printed in the United States of America by -^ Stamats Publishing Company, Cedar Rapids, la. ^ m i> J»-^ M ^ ymV' '"m tSTArf ■ '^\ s ^J CHICAGO ... The Loop, Michi- gan Avenue, "The World's Greatest Newspaper" . . . Maxwell Street, North Clark, Skid Row . . . B-girls, burlesque, the syndicate. Here is that rowdy, big shouldered, wonderful town in broad caricature ... a humorous poke at its institutions, its culture, its sex life . . . THE TOURIST " Chica go! — It's exactly as I ituagined it!" THE TOURIST .ft.'^TATE STJ^rKT / / / / "Vve really been looking forward to this chance to see the Wind y City!" THE EASTERNER m 1 ''You're really far more civilized out here than I realized. I notice some of your neivstands actually carry 'The New Yorker'." THE EL 6kWJ/'PJi5 THE EL UNION STATION ^^^^(j>< 'He's out to prove you can go through Chicago without changing trains!" MICHIGAN AVENUE TWO SENSATIONAL H* COMISKEY PARK RIVERVIEW "You'll usually fiiid the Air Force on the roller coasters, the paratroopers on the parachutes, and the sailors all over the whole damn park] .V* THE ARAGON 'Td ask you to sit this out, but I'm a lousy conversationalist too." THE FOURTH ESTATE / / MAN DECAPITATES WIFE BtooOV PICTURES P. II TOINTMESON-TlMES AX MURDER CONTEST StE PAGE 3 I! / T^k r«^x< \.| «CMlw*^ *»-f xva..**)- *'nAf ^»»t* i^-***. ^HlCAGO^jLY NEWS l«* 1 HUSBAND SEVERS RELA' f TIQNS WITH WIFE j^^| l^vUU^ f^Tgg» / mb^ (Heral^^ *S^^^^ *^^^ "2^ MONSTER HACKS NUDE TORSO WITH AX!!! AOMJTS FAVaWHG VlVlStCTION HtU ?CItjtcaso5**^^^S CTrtlmttftSi MIOWESTERMERPUTS END TO SPOUSES PRO- BRITISH RANTING S couLO NOT Tolerate LeAWtNG5, CoKFE55eS HU56AN0. «aui ^45 Chicago's dailies tuight handle a husband-wife ax murder. UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO "And please don't call me ^comrade' in class, Miss Liipchek. Save it for the meetings" HOUSING "You'll like this apartiuent. It's stark modern simple and jmictiojial!" POLITICS ^'Do you think deff/nudif/g a clea}i-up is a very good idea ubeii it's me who's riuiuDig for re-election?" THE SYNDICATE "Fn? here on a tip there's a tie-in between some of the banking and gambling interests of the city." THE SYNDICATE 'All this is just ci jroiit: I got a bookie joi?it iu the back!" THE SYNDICATE " ' Ixfia y o psca y' looks good in the sixth?!! Never heard of him! What's his number?!" THE SYNDICATE "The raid's off, men! — The Captain's hit the jackpot!" THE CONVENTIONEERS «]|7^// _ / threw the toilet paper out the ivindow! — Now what?!" THE CONVENTIONEERS "Uh — /*;;/ ajraid you have the wrong room.'* NORTH CLARK STREET "What tie need is some little gimmick to give the place class! .Iff NORTH CLARK STREET 'Ya said ya ivanted a dress like that doll was uearin', so I got ya the dress, so shut up!" NORTH CLARK STREET 'How do you expect to attract any business serving a lousy drink like this?!" THE TRANSIENT ''Well — 1 could take ya to one on Wabash, hut the) usually expect luggage." BUG HOUSE SQUARE "// that free love stnfj ever catches on, you and well be back on the assembly line at Vuited Cau." BUG HOUSE SQUARE '7 ain*t advocatui' nothing lady. Vm just a little guy. that's tired of lookiu' up at people all the time." SOUTH HALSTED "He says he's a love child, but I say he's a bastard!" SKID ROW ''How about a dime fey a cuppa coffee?" SKID ROW "// ya want quality, go to the Puf?/p Room, Here at Sick's, we stress q//autity!" SKID ROW J /;' "Man — that's what I call a drink !" •PB-7200-5-SB R/T LAKE MICHIGAN ''So I sez to him, 'Kosaloivski, are you tellin' me how to butcher a ho ^?! — / wuz cuttin^ the insides outa pigs before you.\ .\^^'''vC ^1 All the people and places in this book, including the City of Chicago, are obviously fictitious, and any similarity to real people or places is entirely because it was planned that way. UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS-URBANA 741.5H361T C001 THAT TOODLIN' TOWN: A ROWDY BURLESQUE OF 30112 025320414