House that Jack built Contents. House that Jack built House that Jack built Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2017 with funding from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Alternates https://archive.org/details/neworiginalgrandOOunse NEW AND ORIGINAL GRAND CHRISTMAS AS REPRESENTED AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, MANCHESTER, DECEMBER 20th, ISG2. MANCHESTER: PRINTED AT THE THEATRE ROYAL PRESS. 1862. [PRICE ONE PENNY, / CHARACTERS. r Man’s greatest enemy bar none, who,' Time- being caught by forelock , runs off a - Mr. C COOPER chain of events before bolting . The Hours: I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII Who are seen in as many minutes , and go through a minuet in a few seconds. Queen Dewdrop f a sportive fairy, who makes j j a match against Time .... j Miss L. MOORE TerpsiehorinaJ o ., ( possessed of the manor of Slump- Boobyhatcli) sc l uelch > but not , Possessing the J \ manners of a gentleman .. Snarley-yow Mr. EVERILL a dog-fiend, the Squire’s | M T ST0NETTE bull-terrier .j Dame Durden... .(mistress of the farm)-Mr, W. D. FISHER dame durden’s celebrated serving men : Jack.(a ploughboy).Miss Nelly MOORE Dick...Mr, FLETCHER Will.Mr. John FARRELL Joe.Mr. H, D. FISHER Humphrey, with his Flail. Mr. F. LLOYD DAME DUBDEN’s MAIDS : Kitty (a charming girl to carry the milking-pail) Mrs. F. LLOYD Moll.Miss HUGHES Bet. Miss BRIGGS Doll. Miss A, CHRISTOPHER Dorothy Draggletail.. Mr, H. THOMPSON Purrwhiskers (Jack’s tortoise-shell tom cat) Mr. A, STONETTE «*» A Numerous Collection of the Fairy Queen’s Glistening Dew- drops, who, it is hoped, will give satisfaction before they take their leaves. The Elfin Builders, &c., &c,, &c. The Music Composed and Arranged by Mr. SHICKLE. The Scenery by Messrs. BICKERSTAFF and MUIR. The Machinery Mr, BRECKELL and Assistants. The Properties and Appointments by Mr, J. BRUNTON, Mr; J, GILLISON, and Assistants. The Costumes by Mrs, ASBURY and Assistants. The Luminous Chromatic Effects by Professor J. WHEELER. The Dances Arranged by Mr. W. WAITE. ®f)e House tfiat 3faeft Built A RIVER, WITH SEDGY BANKt (Time meeting the Hours .) Time. I’ve summon’d ye, pale Geni of the Hours, To help my schemes with all your genial powers. The evil sown time past has taken root, And being apparent, haply may bring fruit. The Federal and Confederate States, at present, Are both in states to them reverse of pleasant! Old Time looks on, while, as their fortunes veer, They cut each other’s throats from year to year ! In England, short time to our working bees Has brought, this long time , hunger and disease. But they, unlike their looms, have ne’er run rusty; And, short of bread, have never once look’d crusty ! Life is not safe ; garotte, with gay relation, The leiges ’ necks twists, spite of legislation ! While forg’d Bank notes are utter’d on the quiet, Free speech at public meetings’s stopp’d by riot! Prussia and Greece, to be cork’d down resenting, Hale and stout both, have now begun fermenting. Poor Garibaldi shot! France still in Rome ! Her occupations might keep her at home. Discord, through me, being thus rife in all climes, No wonder these are awfully bad times ! Enough of this—my wish I’ll now unburden :— You know young Jack, ploughboy to old Dame Durden ? Well, though at present he’s not worth a tanner, That ere young boy is heir to Slumpsquelch Manor! Though groundless look his claims, that lad forlorn, By right of birth is to the manor born ! Him from his infant crib the dame did tear, Then brought her Boobyhatch,and placed him there ! In fact the dame, like other swindling legs, At this her game of m’&bage chang’d the pegs. 4 The latter, latterly grown up a squire, Old prejudice and custom doth admire! Now, Jack I hate he’s fond of innovations ! Queen Dewdrop’s pet, too with whom I’ve no patience; Her fairies she eggs on to reinstate Jack in his rights—his wrongs exonerate. The Queen hath now a challenge to me sent, That, ere this hour to-morrow mom is spent, Jack shall be owner of this land, and wed Kitty, the maid—who’s turn’d the young squire’s head. The fairy’s plans I smoke (as she shall know), And choose to thwart them with a 61 quid pro quo.” Listen: this day’s the crisis of Jack’s fate, And we must manage to make him too late; Put back the clocks, turn all things quite contrairy , And try in this af 'fair to cheat the Fairy . Time’s called—I’m off. Begone ! all stoppage scorning, But meet me at the scratch to-morrow morning! HAUNT OF QUEEN DEWDROP. GRAM) FAIRY BALLET. Terpsichorina.... Miss Eamsden. ( Queen Dewdrop appears .) Queen. Hid by^a bank, whereon this wild Time crows, I’ve heard him to the Hours his plots disclose; But, spite of Time, my darling little Jack To-morrow morn his manor shall win back! And to make sure that he his own will snatch, A house we’ll build, and give estates to match. “ Who builds a house upon a common land Between sun’s set and rise, you understand, Can claim of all the land, both far and near, Possession”—thus the statutes make appear. So Jack shall own, obedient to my summons, This landed interest and this house of commons / With law to back his title tight all seems. First, he shall build a mansion in his dreams, And when he finds that real his fancy drew, Surpris’d, he’ll take a stareo scopic view, 5 We”ll trick old Time, — his Boobyhatch shall trudge it; For with my u ways and means ” I’ll make him budge it ! SONG—“ Confederate Anthem" — Queen Dewdrop. Vile tyrant, hence ! you come not near Fairyland, our fairyland! Oppression base shall ever fear Fairyland, our fairyland ! But such as love our elfin lore Shall find the choicest gifts in store, And every blessing scatter’d o’er Fairyland, our fairyland! Love’s merry bells shall soon ring through Fairyland, our fairyland ! Mirth, dance, and song will fill anew— Fairyland, our fairyland! When Jack has his dear Kitty wed, And evil Times, now rampant, fled. Then joy triumphant shall o’erspread Fairyland, our fairyland! INTERIOR OF DAME DURDEN S FARM. Jack. Yes, puss; again I hear your gentle purring, And know, by that, it must be time for stirring. To wake these lazy louts is quite a burden-— Get up, get up! for yonder comes Dame Durden. SONG—“ Chough and Crow." Jack. The chough and crow from roost have flown. The cock crows cheerily ; The cows are straying in the loan, Like anything, I see. The sheep are breaking from the pen,. And like to go astray; Uprouse ye. then, ye lazy men. And hie to work away ! Uprouse ye, then, &c. Air : “Early in the morning Humphrey. To wakken us up nea\^ is to’ bad, When hardly a wink o’sleep wi’n had ; A minute lunger let us stay, Win worch like nay-groes then o* day ; Its rayther soon i’th mornin, It isn’t skrike o* day. Jack, Get up, at once ; or I’ll assail Your numbskulls all with Humphrey’s flail ! So that, when each has felt its tap, TIeTl find he’s nap’t it for his nap ! In bed so late this morning, Long after break of day ! 6 (The Dame goes to call her Maids.} Dame. Now, Moll ? Moll. Om here ! Dame. And Kate ? Kitty. Here, Dame ! Dame. Where’s Bet ? Bet. Hoo’s here! Dame. And Doll ? Doll. Here, too ! Dame. There’s one short yet! Dorothy, Dorothy, do you hear ? Oh, drat her! Dorothy. Om commin, missis; why make sich a clatter ? Dame. Go down, you slut! Dor. Om noan fit to be sin; Give a wench time to don her crinny-leen. (.The Lads and Lasses prepare to go to work.} Dame. Lads, get to work. You, Humphrey, keep ’em steady; I’ll let you know when th’ porritch is quite ready ! Hum. Mistress ! aw rayley connot keep ’em straight; There’s Jack here’s oler cuddlin’ saucy Kate ! Jack. You tell-tale wretch, you bale ful wicket scrawl, Stump off, or else I’ll bat you till you bawl. (They go off.—Squire enters with his Dog.) Squire. Yoicks! tallyho! good morning, dame, to you ; We’ve just dropp’d in to ask you-—how d’ye do ? I mean my dawg and I; for allers he, Being my ally , natural follers me. Down, Snarley-yow ; for shame ! what, growling thus ? Make friends with old Dame Durden’s pretty puss. (The Cat afid Dog do not agree.) Dame. That cat’s a nuisance, like her owner—Jack. Squire. As she’s not yours, I’ll break the vixen’s back; Or Snarley-yow shall worry her—the beauty ! Thinks killing cats a worrytv>b\e duty. But hang the cat! Old Dame, I love that Kitty ; In case she aint made mine, your case I pity. That sweet girl’s face disturbs my daily placitude, And you must cure this strong attack of lassitude / 7 Or else you quickly out of this ’ere farm Shall cut your stick : I hope you twig me, ma’arm ? Dame, His tones persuasive melt my heart like wax— Squire, you shall have young Kitty, though she'* Jack’s ; For he loves her, and she loves him, they say, But never mind—he shan’t stand in your way; And she, promoted to your rank, no fears, Will soon learn to command hex private tears, Squire. A scrub like that upon my right encroaching ; Leave him to me—I’ll have him caged for poaching. And now, old gal, we understand each other,— Give us a buss, all enmity to smother ! {Humphrey enters.) Hum. Whau tk’ squire here’s kussin’ missis, here’s a lark ! Hoo rayley is to’ owd for sich like wark ! Heigh, missis ! yon red keaw wi’th crumple’t horn Has brokken th’ hedge, an’ trample’t upo th’ corn ! Dame. Well, Booby ; didn’t you drive her out again ? I’m fair bamboozl’d wi’ my sarving men. {Dame runs off,) Hum. Its noan mo place ! om threshin’, yo mun know ; Its Jack ’at’s bin pike’d out to be th’ scare-crow ! Squire. Dost know me, hound ? What a clodhopper this is !— Hum. ( sniggering ) Know tho ! Oh, aye ; aw see’d tho kussin : th’ missis ! Whau, squire; yur rayley gettin’ wuss an’ wuss 5 Aw co’ that kuss a gradelv blunder buss. Dor. {entering) Porritch is ready. Run, tell th’ lad* an’ lasses. Hum. Eh, squire ; thae’rt sly ! (.Humphrey runs off.) Squire. His impudence surpasses ! Now, lovely Dorothy, one chaste embrace ! Dor. Yud better wait, squire, while ov wesh’d mo face. Squire. That charming nose ! that hair ! those eyes ! come, sweet, Give me one more— {Sees Humphrey , who rushes in,) hem ! how is your poor feet? Hum. Thou nasty pousement! come, at last thir’t catch’d; Its no use talkin’, squire; your pranks are watch’d. Squire. Ha, ha! that’s good ; this silly haw buck here, To Doe- rothy must be the fellow dear ! Hum. Oh, Dorothy ! thou’s done this here to nettle mo ! Poo off thy jacket, squire; om beawn to fettle tho ; So, if thir’t hauve a mon, an’ noan a cur, W’in have a up-an-down feight, an’ aw’ll purr! Dor. If doesn’t howd thi noise, aw’ll nare forgie thi; It wurn’t a bit squire’s faut it happent, sithi. Hum. By th’ mass, thir’t reet; for it wur thine, no doubt! Honds off; or else aw’ll just gi’ thee a clout! Dor. Thae’ll clout mi, wilto’ ? do it as thea said! My clogs are new, owd lad ; aw’ll punse thi yed ! Squire. Here, booby; if I’ve done what has offended, Or broken anything, pray get it mended. Hum. Kind words, this brokken heart, squire, winnot win. Squire. The best soft sawder for that fracture’s tin ; (Gives purse.) Mind it don’t bum your pocket, gaping neddy! Hum. It’ll buy a pig ! Squire, (aside) It’s purchased one already. Dor. (to Humphrey) Sum brass for bonnet strings— Moll’s getten blue ’uns. Squire. Of bonnet strings on purse strings see the influence. Hum. A kind, but rayther cranky, chap aw call thee ; Mind the mad doctors dunnot overhaul thee! (Humphrey and Dorothy go off .— Kitty enters .— Squire kisses her.) Kitty. How dare you, sir?—at first I thought ’twas Jack— (aside) Affront a modest girl behind her back. Squire. Being squire, I kiss all round—ain’t I a rum un ? Kitty. This man’s effrontery is worse than his back¬ gammon. Lowly I am, but if you raise my ire , (higher) I’ll scratch your face, although you are the squire ! If my poor Jack were only here— Squire. Oh, lawks! “ Don’t cry o’er spilt milk.” 9 Kitty. You just walk your chalks ! Squire. See, kneeling, at your feet, your humble slave ; Accept my suit. (’Tis sweet to play the knave!) Oh! honey sweet, for months Mve you &d£-lov’d— Cupid his arrow deeply here has shov’d ; My heart’s so harrow'd now, ’twould almost suit For cotton fibre as a substitute ! To you I cotton ;—if you like, I will Secure for you the cot on yonder hill; Or fly to other climes— Kitty. Ha, ha ! {Enter Jack.) Squire. Oh, blow it; Here’s a nice clime- ax ! Jack. Stop that gammon—stow it. Unfeeling snob, I’d like to trounce you well. Squire, Did you say “ snob?” Jack. I did. Squire. SmzmB —ah—very well. (Exit Squire.) Jack. Your tears like rain, dear, fall; your passion rein, dear. Kitty\ ( smiling ) With A or E d’ye spell it — pray explain, dear ? Jack. Here’s you and J, and nobody bye.” Kitty. To such a-vowals I should say —O fie ! Reindeer / I’ll bet a kiss you cannot say Whether ’tis spelt with E or with an A ! Jack. With E. Kitty. You’ve lost! Jack. ( stealing a kiss) Walker ! Not A but E, puss. Kitty. Well; right or wrong, the riddle’s worth a re-buss. MEDLEY DUET.— Jack Kitty. Air : “ Stolen Kisses are Sweet' 9 Jack; If you kiss a fair one dear, Mind that nobody catch you; Kiss her when there’s ro one near, And mind that she dont scratch you, Let no onion’s vilest smell Greet the lips you love so well; 10 Whiskey’s flavor’s not the sweetest, Stale tobacco not the fleetest. Kiss her when there’s no one bye, Mind her nails and mine your eye, Breach of promise cases are Not the cheapest. Air—“ Billy Patterson ” Kitty. Now, Jack, if I ask a question or two, Eh, will you patter some ? For I want to know how much longer you’ll woo, I do, I do. Your ideas upon marriage I’m anxious to learn; Now, will you patter some ? For I’m sure your affairs will soon take a turn, I am, I am. Then answer give, I pray, To what I have to say ; I beg you’ll tell to me. If true your love will be ; For as the world goes round Deceivers gay are found— There’s scarce one in a thousand That is faithful, I’ll be bound. Air : “ Turkish Land .” Oh, why bore me with doubts and fears ? Any one else would box your ears, And send you off to Turkish land. Here’8 my heart— And there’s my hand. I hope you understand. Oh ! keep large crinolines from your dress, For with my purse they must be less, Or I’ll levant to Turkish land ! Here’s my heart, &c. I hope you’ll understand. Jack. Kitty. Both. Jack. Both. Air: u The Whole Hog or None.” Both. For housekeeping we’re not prepar’d, I’m sure I feel quite lost. And cannot give the slightest guess What furniture will cost; So we must live in humble cot, And dress in coarse home-spun, For ne’er a cow nor sheep we’ve got, Nor whole hog, nor none. Oh, dear I wish we’d lots o’ money. Then we’d buy a nice estate, With groves and gardens sunny. Oh! then in style we’d surely go The whole hog or none! 11 (The Serving Maids and Men all come back.) Squire. Well, Humphrey, have you thought the matter over ? Wil’t help me to run off with Kitty Clover ? Hum. Hai! Dorothy an’ me har getten settle’t; But yo mun manage, squire, to ha’ Jack fettle’t. Squire. Leave him to me ; I think I know a plan Will double him—or any other man ! Dame. Come, squire, and join me in a cup of tea. Squire. /With pleasure, dame, I’ll quaff the mild bohea, And nectar call’t, if brew’d by this fair Hebe ! Dame. Kitty, make tea; but how can she be he be ? {Squire partakes of breakfast with Dame and Kitty . Squire meets with an accident .) Kitty. I couldn’t help it, sir ! Jack. Oh, this is nobby ! (Enter a Rural Policeman.) Hum. (i to Squire) He’s come’d now, maister ; o’s reet! Here’s the bobbie ! J ack Ha, ha ! ho, ho ! If I dont soon refrain, These bursts of mirth will burst my jocular vein. Squire. My flame of hate his roars like bellows fan ; Policeman, do your duty—there’s your man! Seize him at once, and never mind his sobbin’— The rascal jail-bird — Jack. What? Squire. Has been a robbin / Rural P. By vartue of the new act pass’d last session, If I think you have game in your possession I can you seize and sarch, on mere suspicion— Yes ; you , or him, or her, that there, or this ’un ! Jack. Hands off! You’ll find no game on me, I swear. Rural P. Game on / What’s this ? Jack. A lock of Kitty’s hair. Squire. What do I hear? Hares on him found con¬ cealed ; Proof hairyfutable —his fate is sealed. Handcuff and cuff h\xn, too; he stands committed ! ' (My schemes progress, and to a hair they’re fitted.) Kitty. ’Twas my fault, sir : forgive him, I implore, This once, and he’ll not do it any more. Why, this here hair was mine ! Squire. Ha, ha! secure her, And in the strong room at my hall immure her! She's an accomplice—come, I’ll take no bail; Drag off that poaching chap at once to jail! DIORAMIC VIEW OF THE VILLAGE. (Escape of Kitty , and Pursuit of Jack.) JACK’S COMBAT WITH SNAELEY-YOW! Dame. Kitty has run away— Squire. Run—how ? your brains are addled. Dor. Hoo floor'd us both— Dame. Then bolted— Dor. Aye ; skeedaddl’d ! THE COM M O N. — (Sunset .) (Enter Jack , exhausted .) SONG— The Dream of Love ’— Jack. Oil Kitty, clear, for love of tliee I’m driven far from friends and home. And now, whate’er thy future be, A vagrant wanderer I must roam. Ye fairy powers, who rule young hearts, Guard my dear Kitty evermore, And save her from a villain’s arts, Tho* for poor Jack love’s dream is o’er, But of all dreams sent from above, Give me the dream—the dream of love, DUET—“ Gome where my love lies dreaming ”—Queen & Jack. Queen D. Here, Jack, in sleep lie dreaming. Dreaming unhappy thoughts away, With vision bright redeeming The strange mishaps of day. Dreaming a joyful dream, Sleeping unhappy thoughts away ; Here lie in safety dreaming, So sweetly dreaming. Unhappy thoughts, away! Both. Here of love, own love, my 7 my So sweetly dreaming, her beauty beaming. (He falls asleep.—Enter Master Builder «) Queen Dewdrop. Jack’s house must be commenc’d without delay, So that 'twill be complete by break of day. 13 Work hard, ye elves ; let none the labour snub ; But each take shares in this our building club ! To rout old Time, with all his slow routine , And earn the favour of your gracious Queen. THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, By the Hundred and One Elfin Builders. Jack. Where am I ? On the common , I declare ! But how on earth did that house come on there ? I dreamt a spacious house with these my hands I built, and there auspiciously it stands. Oh for an eye-glass, how I wish, alas ! To clear my sight, I could use eyes in glass. Why, yes, its real! good hard bricks and mortar : I wonder what’s the rent—how much a quarter ? Some explanation would not come amiss— Good morning, granny,—pray who’s house is tlifs ? Fairy Queen ckaunls the legend :— “ This is the house that Jack built. This is the rat, &c. This is the cat, &c. This is the dog, &c. This is the cow, &c. This is the maiden all forlorn, &c This is the man all tattered and torn, &c. This is the priest, 8c c. This is the cock, &c. (Jack and Kitty are married , and all enter.') Rustics. Long life to Maister Jack an’ Missis Kate ! Squire. They’re married, mother; we’ve arriv’d too late. Jack. Yes, squire; I’m now to Kitty Clover tied ; Our love at last is love parsonified. Dame, I’m breathless ; bring a chair; will no one heed l Jack. I hope you ve both enjoy’d your late stampede. Having got blunt, I’m now a little holder ; And can find bail, sir, being a householder! • Withdraw that poaching charge, you spiteful lubber, Or. with a whip, I’ll shortly make you blubber ; And on your back, unless you show contrition, I ll soon commence a wale-mg expedition. 14 Hum. Missis ! mun Dorothy an* me get wed ? Hoo’s just now ax’d mo ; so, yo’ see’n, o’ said, If th’ dame gi’s her consent, aw dunnot mind,— So just say ‘‘aye ! ” an aw’ll a parson find. Dame. No ; such a pair of oddities won’t fit. Ungrateful lout! next week my sarvice quit. Dor. Whau, lung ago we vow’d to be a pair— The knot shud o’ bin tied last Knott Mill Fair. Thae’rt chok’d wi spite, as ony chilt can tell, An’ wants my Humphrey wedded to thysell ! SONG— ''Blow the winds of morning ”■— Dorothy. My song is of a nice young mon, Whose name is Humphrey Flail, And he fell in love wi’ a gradely lass Call’d Dorothy Draggletail; He wor big and strong, and hoo wer young And handsome, as yo see ; So, in short, they vow’d to love as long As all E-ter-nee-tee ! # Chorus —Flow the tears of mourning, Let on the tears, heigho. They wanted to be marr-i-ed, But th* ow’d missis she said—“No ! ” And cruel-ly gev him the sack, Saying “ tak your hook and go.” Then hoo got this letter from her love. Which letter let her know. If hoo didn’t write right away right off, Bight off his yed he’d blow! Blow the winds of morning, &c. Then he went fur off to fureign parts. Fur furs and fureign skins, Where he got scalp’d and./hrther kill’d, By/wrocious In-gi-ins J When he wrote and tou’d her he was dead, Hoo didn’t know what to do pertickler ; So hoo went and stud upo’ her yed In th’ water butt perpendickler. Flow the tears of mourning, &c. The cruel missus, conscience-s£n—Time appears .) Time. Time’s up for Jack—upon him we are down ; Now’s your time, Squire,—’tis time to crack his crown! Squire. I do repent me of my rash design, And thus resolv’d, my razor I resign. Hum. Aw’m quiet neaw ; an’ hurtin’ Jack’s a crime; We’n ha’ no kill-joys ; we’n kill nowt but Time ! HLfyz Itatu of tf)t Queen. A bad Time conquer’d, patience proving stronger ; A good time’s coming, wait a little longer. Meanwhile, to banish care with this dull time, Change to the guise of good old Pantomime ! TRANSFORMATION. Harlequin .. Mr. WAITE his first appearance Columbine. Miss RAMSDEN her first appearance Pantaloon.......Mr. W. MUIR Sprites.The Brothers STONETTE their first appearance Clown ... Mr, R. KITCHEN his first appearance 16 SHOPS OF MR, LAMB, BUTCHER; and MR. WICK, TALLOW-CHANDLER. Pas Ecco^sais...Harlequin & Columbine, Meat for tlie Million.—“ I’m a Young Man from the Country*’— Clown’s Visit to Greece. APARTMENTS IN CHARGEM’S LODGING- HOUSE. Pas de Fascination.Harlequin & Columbine. Insupportable Supper Tables.— New Turn-up Bedsteads and Hocking Chairs, CHINESE JUGGLING DANCE, By the Corps de Ballet. INDIA-RUBBER WAREHOUSE AND PHOTO¬ GRAPHERS. Pas Neapolitaine.Harlequin & Columbine, Likenesses positive, comparative, and superlative.—Stretchers] - Squeezers, Swells, and Squashcrs. Rope Dance.Miss RAMSDEN, FANCY’S FAIRY FOUNTAINS. TABLEAU FINALE. THEATRE ROYAL, CROYDON. - + - THE GRAND COMIC PANTOMIME ENTITLED Cjic fimisi OR; HARLEQUIN JACK, THE THREE WITCHES, AND THE FAIRY KING. THE STORY TOLD IN ELEVETM VERSES. ILLUSTRATED by Messes. W< EVANS & SON. Tuesday [Boxing Night ), December 26f/s, 1871. © <5 ft £ «o © © M M L> > iJ S w « s w „ EH Pm X . ^ s m W -i S pa w « 2 j ^ o k s a a B H lJ ^ ^ .2 .2 .2 s vt %* *$ « ; ; ^ M pa pq Q M A . 5 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. W m P W I m R W o H 4 MgS W « I * . 32 R M I P P P O R P fN P O l R l & P^R P r > rO S fiS § ^ ®h SO r 2 % ^3 ^ © © © © ©> ^ Q PS < PQ « P _ a « W H O C /2 PS PS PS a; r r a 3 B W S H H O O g •SgH O a. R rJl . R : R a o ◄ p a p H H S 33 a <1 ◄ o H ^ a « M H tf H ^ O J P O >5 g 2 s v 3 g H H .J H .J _ _ ^ hJ C ^ O ffl W M t/5 CQ CO CO tt a a a* a a a a a a a a o o H 32 R o —i £ PS R > P C 5 a ►—i « S CO PS S o s Kl fe ^o *S :^3 « |s S Cj ^ : j e ^ ^ o t I 5 J r I § rS , ’ ^ § sq a -s P P R P O PS w a a p a p THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT YEESE I. Up among the gods so high Sitting in the gallery. Scene First.— Mercury at Horae ; Barometer Villa in the clouds. Chorus of Celestials. Mercury. Welcome, ye gods—I mean both here and there— I trust you all are well, and free from care. Since last we met what changes we have seen, The world, in fact, turned upside down has been; Kingdoms divided, Republics rampant mad, Bankruptcy and bloodshed—all going to the bad. Still England stands aloof, nor yields to fears, And waves the flag she’s waved a thousand years; But though the world is lost in rude commotion, By telegraph and break-neck locomotion, The time has come when we must all combine Croydon to supply with Pantomime. What shall it be ? It must be something good. Apollo. Sinbad! Mars. CindTella! Bacchus. Tom Thumb! Cupid. Red Riding Hood ! Merc. Peace, you noisy gods, we must on something fix, Replete with fun, with humour, quips and tricks. To aid our choice, Young Hop I’ll summon here. What say you ? Shall I call him ? All. Yes, hear, hear ! Merc. What,ho! young Hop, arise, you’re wanted here; You’re summoned by the gods—appear, appear ! Hop ’o my Thumb rises — Music . Welcome, young Hop, we want some information, On which same point you win such approbation. HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, 5 Sc. 2.] Hop. You compliment me, but I’m rather shy, I ne’er before appeared above the sky. Merc. We want a pantomime— a good one—new; You know the sort of thing—come, what say you? Hop. It’s very hard a subject new to find, And new ones oft are unsuccessful, mind. All tales and fairy books are so run out, An author’s puzzled what to write about. What say you to a tournament and tilt ? All. Yes, yes ! Hop. I have it, then—The House that Jack Built. Merc. Hop, you’re a brick, the subject isn’t new, But add another story, it will do. To build him such a house is our intention, We’ll put to shame some cribs that I could mention. Hop. No bad built houses on which landlords get fat, With scarce a room in which to swing a cat. Merc. Enough ! ’Tis well—we’ll set about it straight, And let our Christmas friends no longer wait. A telegraphic message quickly send To good King Silverwing his aid to lend. Away, ye gods, let all now disappear, Praps to assemble here another year. ( chorus as at first) Hop o’ my Thumb sinks , Gods off, \ r. and l. VERSE II. Beneath the Baron’s castle deep, Some in flames and sulphur sleep. Scene Second. — Cantankerosa's Consulting Room beneath the Baron's Castle ; the Demon Punch Bowl . Dance and Chorus of Demons. —Enter Cantankerosa. Cantankerosa. What’s all this rumpus? Are you all in beer ? Does it strike you I’m anybody here ? Dancing and drinking—what 1 as I live, hot punch! You lazy rascals, where’s your master’s lunch ? 1 swear by my father, and he you know’s Old Nick, I’ll play the devil with you if you’re not quick. To work, you rogues, and mind your Q.’s, and P.’s, Or I’ll stop your Sunday beer, like Some{s) M.P’s. Badlot. What’s to be done ? 6 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, [Sc. 2. Cast. Hear it, and then do it; If you mull it, I’ll give you cause to rue it. The Baron bold, who lives just up above, Tripp’d o’er a milking pail, and fell in love He’s coming down to this, our snug retreat, To treat with us, Worse. Will he stand a treat ? Cant. Hush ! by the pricking of my thumbs and nose, He this way comes, his programme to propose. Baron. ( without ) Open Sesame, and split the rocks. Come in, and take pot luck, whoever knocks. Enter Baron Blunderhead. Baron. Ye secret black, and—no, you’re red! I’m quite cafoozled ! love has turned my head. It’s very hot, and smells of sulphur here ; I say, old lobster, can you do a beer? That’s prime, you brew your own; Cant. Leave us alone for that, Now what’s the shine ? Baron. Dame Hubbard and her cat. She, and her dog, and Jack, all cut it fat; She’s got a gal too, I should like to nail. But she loves Jack, who helps her with her pail ? If I can catch him out upon the loose, I’ll spit him on my sword, I’ll cook his goose. I hear the ragged rascal’s got some friends. Cant. And we are yours. Baron. Then how to gain my ends ? Speak ! can you devise no devilish plan To stop her walking off with this young man ? All the Fiends. Come high, come low, Thy head and shoulders quickly show, And answer all he wants to know. The head of a Child rises from the Devil's Punch Bowl . Child. Baron, Baron, Baron! Baron. Had I three ears I’d hear thee. Child. You have two long ones—asses. Baron. Oh! Child. Don’t start, come near me; Be bloody, bold, and resolute—never say fail, Go carry off the maid and her milk pail ; HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, 7 Sc. 2.] Seize Mother Hubbard, burn her for a witch, Throw Mother Goose and Bunch into a ditch; If they swim, they’re guilty past a doubt, If they sink, it proves they can’t get out. You will have thumps and bumps, and treatment rough, So now adoo, dismiss me, that’s enough. Baron. But stay, old feller! Child. Oh! shut up—nuff ced. No one of woman born can equal Blunderhead. Baron. Then live, young Jack, who cares a fig for thee? Your Pollinette shall soon belong to me ; Say ! How obtain a wife, who is another’s ? Child. Enter an injunction against all others. Swear you invented pretty Pollinette. You know faint heart ne’er won fair lady yet. (Child disappears) Baron. Now then to business. Cant. Mind we lend our aid! Exit . Baron. I’ll to the cot, and carry off the maid, Burn Mother Hubbard, drown her mangy dog, Poison her cat, and go the entire hog; If I don’t, blow me ! Ho, there! where’s that thief? Ho, ho, without! where is Sir Loin de Beef? Enter Sir Loin, Sir L. I’m coming, sire; the way is precious dark, Against the stairs my shins I often bark; Fell down ten steps, up seven, then down four, Picked myself up, and then fell down twelve more. Baron. Jolting does you gGod, as often I have said, Shakes up those few ideas inside your head. Sir L. A horrid place. How long have you here stayed ? Baron. You’re trembling, man. Sir L. Oh, no, I’m not afraid. Baron. (looking round) He’s gone—alone—I don’t half like this place. Who cares? ( trembling ) Sir L. Not I. Baron. You lie ! I see it in your face. (a flame bursts from bowl and disappears) {starting) What’s that ? Sir L. {starting) What’s what ? Baron. That light ? Sir L. How should I know ? Baron. Investigate the matter, sir. Come—go. 8 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 3. Sir L. I daren’t. Baron. No more dare I; here’s a pretty mess. Sir L. My knees do shake. Baron. So mine, I must confess, (noise) Hold me ! ( leans against Sir Loin) Sir L. ( leaning against him) I can’t. Baron. I’ll die of fright ere long! Sir L. Suppose we try to frighten ’em by a song. (Frightened Duet—leaning against one another—they dance off) VERSE III. Old Mother Hubbard she went to the cupboard, To fetch her poor dog a bone; When she got there as you are aware— But that’s tellings—the rest must be shown. Scene Third.— Interior of Mother Hubbard's Cottage— Towser and Tabitha at home — business. Enter Pollinette. Poll. Bless me, whatever is this racket here about ? Towser and Tabby, I’ll really turn you out. You naughty dog, I’m very angry at you; You puss—come, miss, off the table—drat you ! (laying tea things) There, all is ready for Miss Hubbard’s tea, Crumpets, watercresses, and the best bohea. A soft-roe’d bloater, too, but what a time she’s stopping! No doubt with Mothers Goose and Bunch out shopping. And, where’s that Jack, by whose sweet face I’m haunted? Like the police, he’s seldom here when wanted. The good-for-nothing rogue, where can he be ? Enter Jack, singing. Jack. “ Polly, put the kettle on, and let’s have tea.” Oh, scrumptuous—muffins—hot! Poll. You shan’t have any. Jack. Please, that’s a dear—I’ll be so good—where’s granny ? Poll. She’s not come home; I fear the tea’s quite spoiled. Jack. Oh, never mind^, she likes her tea well boiled. Say, Poll, pray when shall we put up the banns ? Our hearts are joined, then why not join our hands You know I’m ready on the shortest notice. HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 9 Sc. 3.] Poll. You’ve got a rival, and I’ll tell you who it is. That ugly Baron of whom I dream’t last night, A dream of horror—it gave me such a fright. Jack. Ah! he didn’t dare. Poll. He did! Jack. And did you scream ? Poll. I did, and scratched; but you shall hear my dream. Jack. Out with it—vengeance—don’t detain me long. Poll. To make the story short, I’ll tell it in a song. Song —POLLINETTE. Jack. Poll, I’m so hungry, let’s have some breakfast. (Dog gets his head into the pitcher) Hollo ! what’s that—the dog has got his head fast. Poll. You naughty Towser, you should let the jug alone. I’ll punish you, you shan’t have this fine bone. ( puts hone into cupboard —Dog steals it) Jack. That dog’s the very old one, who can doubt it ? Ha, ha ! look, he’s got the bone, and makes no bones about it. Poll. I’ll tie you up, you rogue, and never let you loose. Jack. Oh, here comes Granny Hubbard, Mothers Bunch and Goose. Enter Mother Hubbard, Mother Bunch and Mother Goose, each carrying a large broom . Poll.' f Grann y ! Mother Hubbard. My darlings. Poll. Here’s tea. Jack. And water cresses. M. Hub. Do, dog and cat, be quiet, you’ll pull my dress to pieces. Here, Polly, take our brooms—ladies, take a seat. Mother Bunch. Old Goose, you’re tired. Mother Goose. I am. Oh! my poor feet. My small shoes pinch me. M. Hub. Dog, be quiet, I charge yer. M. Goose. The next I buy, I’ll order one size larger. M. Hub. Now, Polly, please, the tea. (Jack runs with kettle to table ) upsets it , and scalds Mother Bunch) M. Bunch. Oh! M. Hub. Oh, Jack, you naughty lad ! M. Bunch. I’m scalded ! M. Hub. ) 0 M. Goose. 1 Where? M. Bunch. I don’t know, but I’m very bad. 10 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 3. M. Hub. Poll, get some oil and cotton, ere we tea begin. M. Bunch. Never mind the cotton, I’ll take a drop of gin. Jack. I’ll run and bring some, fly like a skyrocket. M. Bunch. You needn’t fly, I’ve some here in my pocket. (takes out large bottle and drinlcs) M. Hub. Now, ladies, we’ll fall too. Goose, how dull you seem. M. Goose. No wonder, ma’am, there’s not a drop of cream. M. Hub. Poll. Poll. The cow turned stupid—kicked and cocked her tail, Upset the milk, and broke the milking pail. M. Hub. The cow upset the milk? Then there’s danger near. M. Goose. I thought there was—I fell so very queer. M. Bunch. We’ve got our brooms, and needn’t care a pin. As there’s no cream—Goose, take a little gin. A Rat scampers out of the cupboard , chased by Cat. M. Hub. Oh, drat that cat! Dear me! whatever ails it? Jack. After a rat. ( the Rat takes refuge) M. Hub. Oh, my! (Cat catches Rat) Jack. See—now she nails it. M. Bunch. Really, Hubbard, that cat’s a splendid ratter. Jack, {to Pollinette) What an old guy! I wonder who’s her hatter? Oh, granny, just come here—run in a minute ; There’s a grand coach, and some great man within it. Poll. Jack, it’s the Baron- Jack. And his jackal grooms. M. Hub. I’m very faint. Just hand us here our brooms. M. Bunch. And mine. M. Goose. And mine. Jack. We’ll give him such a rouser. Dog. Bow, wow! Jack. Good dog! Now bite him, Tab andTowser. All conceal themselves in the cupboard . Enter Baron, Sir Loin, Cliquot, and Birdseye. Baron. So, so —all’s quiet. Good. Not a soul to see. Um ! there’s a smell of gin. Poll’s been taking tea ; A Yarmouth bloater and a buttered muffin. Sir Loin. How nice ! Baron. How dare you, glutton ? Cliquot, I touched nuffin, HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 11 Sc. 3.] Baron. Search every corner of this wretched hut— The cupboard, coal-hole, and the water-butt. She shall be mine. Enter Jack and all the Party from cupboard . Jack. Hollo ! what are you arter ? Baron. Hollo! there’s quite an army. That’s a starter. Jack. Leave him to me. I think you’ll leave this room. Baron. Oh! I’ve got possession, M. Hub. And I’ve got my broom. Baron. Stay, stay, I’m a Baron bold and very rich, Come to arrest Miss Hubbard for a witch. M. Hub. Which, if you are not off— Jack. Granny, stand aside, Baron. I’m a Baron bold. Jack. I’ll boldly tan your hide. Duet .—Baron and Jack, and Chorus . Baron. Base slave, I’ll- Jack. Will you? try it on ! Baron. Eh? no ; it’s a matter that I’ll think upon. Loin, you’re a coward; I really think you fear ’em, Sir L. Eh? oh, not at-but I’d rather not go near ’em. Baron. I hate a man who fears to face a foe ; Bird. So do I. Cliq. So I; Sir L. Then, perhaps, you’ll fight, Bird. Eh ? Cliq. No! Sir L. Bold Baron ! Look, that horrid dog’s unmuzzled! Jack. The Baron and his men seem fairly puzzled. Baron. I can’t stand this- 1 am a Baron bold. Jack. I rather think you are a Baron sold. Baron. Seize that old woman—seize her son and pelf, While Pollinette I’ll seize upon myself. Pil let ’em see how powerless they are. To arms! Witches. To brooms! Jack. Let slip the dogs of war. General scrimmage—escape of Baron and Sir Loin— triumph of Jack— Tableau , closed in. 12 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [SC. 4. VERSE IV. Ye Baron and hys naughty squires a fightyng fora gown, Ye Jack beat ye Baron-ite, all round the town. Scene Fourth.— Exterior of Mother Hubbard's Cottage. Enter Baron and Sir Loin, mopping their brows as with fatigue . Baron. Where are we, Loin de Beef? let’s rest upon our arms; Sound drums and trumpets, ring the war’s alarms; We’ll celebrate our victory, Sir L. It’s a defeat. Baron. Well don’t the Germans do so when they’re beat, And why not I, a Baron bold, you lout? Sir L. Very bold, great Baron, but they’ve bowled you out. Baron. I’ll have revenge, I won’t do things by halves. Confound that dog—and—oh, my blessed calves ! Sir L. Look at this nose, the witch left on my face. She must have had some lessons from Jem Mace. Baron. I will not yield to kiss the ground beneath Young Jacky’s feet. Oh, if he were a thief, I have him taken up, put down in quod, No ticket-of-leave for him—so help my Bob. Brain, brain, turn round, concoct some desp’rate plan, To conquer Jack— or any other man. And now—what’s best ? Sir L. I scarcely dare to hope it, But my advice would be at once to slope it ! Enter Cliquot. ClIq. Help, murder, thieves, fire, bigamy, oh, oh ! Baron. To arms, to arms ! here comes the daring foe ! Upon ’em—charge ! Cliq. Oh, how I die of fright ? Baron. Coward, where skulked you in the heat of fight ? Why came you not at your bold Baron’s call ? Cliq. The dog had pinned me, sir, against the wall! Baron. Mother Hubbard, you shall drain the bitter cup. Where’s Lord Birdseye? Enter Birdseye. Bird. Here, and doubled up. Bason. What further news ? HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 13 Sc- 5.] Sir L. Is the enemy in sight ? Bird. They’re coming, sire, in force. Sir L. Law ! another tight ? You’d better hook it, sire—own the defeat. Baron. I scorn to hook it! Cliq. Then beat a safe retreat. Baron. Retreat, there’s no such thing—I do refuse : Strategic movement is the phrase to use. Let’s on, I’ll burn, destroy, exterminate, And in a song, my plans at once I’ll state. Concerted Piece. At the end , enter Jack, Witches, Dog, Cat, — complete overthrow and rout of the enemy. VERSE V. Come ! come ! come away to the fairy haunts and bowery N.B.—You are requested not to pick the flowers. Scene Fifth. —The Home of King Silverwing ; the Bower of Bouquets . Song , Silverwing. King. Awake, ye bouquets ! cast your perfume around, O’er hills of blue belles and sweet daisies bound. This day a wicked deed you must prevent, And stay a tyrant in his foul intent, Ere ’gins the sun to shed his golden hues, Expand, ye flowers, shake off the silver dews. BALLET OF BOUQUETS. King. Hark! sisters, hark ! I hear a whisper in the air, A mortal’s footstep comes—’tis Pollinette the fair ; By my contrivance her steps she wend this way, To seek our help, to keep a foe at bay; We’ll aid her cause with all our fairy powers ; Away! to ambush, crouch beneath yon flowers. Enter Pollinette, with milking pail. Poll. Oh, what a charming place! How grand ! Oh, dear! I and mv pail I’m sure have no right here. What silver waters, and what beds of flowers, And golden fruit that hangs above in showers j B 14 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 5 . And what sweet scents, and ah! what heavenly sounds. It is enchantment, and these are fairy grounds! Oh ! I’ll run home again. King. Stay, pretty Pollinette, You are a new guest, and must not leave us yet, Poll. Oh ! what a nice young man ! King. Have courage and come near. Poll. I’m rather flustered, but I feel no fear; King. Ask of me and have. What is it that you would ? 1 am the good child’s fairy ; Poll. Then you’re good, And you shall all my troubles understand. A haughty ugly Baron claims my hand; And though 1 snub, and tell him I love Jack, Yet all my snubs won’t keep the fellow back ; King. I know all this, and therefore brought you here. Young Jack shall live to be the Baron’s peer. And now, before you leave these fairy bowers, I’ll introduce you to my fairy flowers. A chair—sit down—banish your fear and dread; “ Best and be thankful,” as a great man hath said. {magic chair of bouquets ) Poll. Thank you, I will sit down ; oh dear ! how cosy. Much obliged. Oh, dear! miss, what a charming posy ; King. My sister fairies, this is Pollinette, Who by a ruffian Baron is beset; He dogs her daily, bars her wav to bliss, Say, bouquets, shall we help the maiden ? Fairies. Yes! Poll. Oh, dear young ladies, I’m sure you’re very kind ; I’m but a milkmaid, and Jack is but a hind ; We’re both too poor to pay you proper fees, But new-laid eggs and beautiful cream cheese We’ll send you every day. I must, indeed, go now, For do you know, oh ! 1 haven’t milked my cow; And Granny Hub in such a way will be, If I again should have no cream for tea. Adieu, young ladies. Pray, which is the way ? Oh, by yon silver waters. Oh ! no, I mustn’t stay. I wish you all a dutiful good day. Exit* King. To council, sisters, then to form our plan, To put in proper place the proper man. Lo ! here comes Mercury, swift upon the wing. Peace till we hear the tidings he doth bring. Enter Mercury, in his car of clouds. Welcome, great Mercury—winged god of speed. You’ve dropt amongst us in our hour of need. HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. lo SC. 6.] Now, ere the new year takes the old one’s shoes, Review the past, and give us all the news. Mercury. The telegraph has taken my vocation ; Its wires have thrust me from my occupation. To give you news is more than I am able; You tind it daily on your breakfast table. Thanks to the Press—once fettered, now so free— Who runs may read, unless a dunce he be. King. Long may they flourish—those trees of liberty! No tyrant can come where the Press is free. Merc. Follies and fashions still do hold the town. Sensation dramas keep the drama down. King. ’Tis hard, ’tis pity—and pity ’tis, ’tis true. I trust a better taste will soon ensue. The haughty Baron we will soon subdue ; His compact with the fiend we’ll make him rue ; We’ll storm his castle—put him to the rout; We’ll take him in, and then we’ll serve him out. Duet— King and Mercury.— Ballet forms picture .— Closed in. VERSE VI. There he lay, All that day, In the way of Polly, oh ! Scene Sixth .—The Baron's Chamber. Enter Sir Lion. Sir L. My masters a great muff*—I really think he’s mad, To follow up a gal who won’t be had ; From his high station, so to bend and bow, To one who platters cleans, and milks a cow. Enter Cliquot. Cliq. Oh, Loin de Beef! Sir L. What now ? Cliq. I’m out of breath. Sir L. Speak out. Cliq. I can’t. Sir L. You frighten me to death. Cliq. He’s coming. Sir L. Who ? Cliq. Our master. 16 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 6. Sir L. Dash my wig. Cliq. Don't meet him, or your life’s not worth a fig. He’s got a load more than he can carry : Miss Pollinette, whom he’s resolved to marry. Kicking and screaming, making such a row, And crying out “ My cow, oh ! I want my cow.” Sir L. Then, here, there’ll be a scene both strong and hot— Stop and see the fun. Cliq. I’d rather not. Exit. Baron. ( without ) Ho! Sir Loin, a light. Sir L. He wants a candle. Baron. Sir Loin, be quick, or you I’ll handle. Eater Baron bearing Pollinette. Baron. Now, maiden, you are mine ; you cannot fly, I have you now beneath my gimlet eye. Poll. That’s all my eye, and I don’t care tuppence. Baron. She don’t care tuppence; seize and bear her hence. Poll. Stand off, you scarecrow ! Baron. Sir Loin, you seize her. Poll. If he does, I’ll give him such a teazer. Sir L. Oh, fie ! young lady—maidens shouldn’t rail. Poll. Just keep your distance, or you’ll feel my pail. Baron. Coward, secure her. Poll. Let him, if he dare. Sir L. Oh, be married quietly. Poll. Standoff! Beware! Baron. Don’t look so pale; advance and nail her. Sir L. Do I look pale? Poll. (puts bucket on Ms head) Yes, and now you are paler. Sir L. Murder ! Murder! Pray at once relinquish her. She’s snuffed me out, quite an extinguisher. Exit. Poll. You’d better let me go and follow your base loon. Baron. I haven’t finished with you quite so soon. I want to have a quiet little chat. Poll. Quiet, of course—just mind what you are at; An unprotected female you’d assail. Baron. I know you’re unprotected—where’s your pail? Poll. I’ve got ten weapons here, true virtue never bends. Baron. Ten weapons—where? Poll. Here, at my fingers ends ! Duet. Baron. Come, Miss Poll, I shall stand no more gammon, I’m a Baron bold, and rich as Mammon. You can’t be in your senses, not no hows llefuse a palace for a nasty cowhouse. c 17 Sc. 6.] HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. Poll. I’d rather live with Jack in humblest shed, Than share this place with Baron Blunderhead. Go, go, you adder—go ! Baron. That’s a stinger. Poll. Your whole body’s not worth his little finger. Baron. Oh, come, I’m not so cheap as that, and for a wife I could have twenty—I could, upon my life. Poll. I’ll rest a bit; don’t come near me, gnome. (POLLINETTE Sits) Baron. Oh! Poll. Hope nothing, though I make myself at home. Baron. She’s not to be had ; I’ll try another go— I’ll summon up a lobster from below. His hanky panky tricks, a la Herr Dobler, Shall mesmerise her, then I’ll nobble her. Just step up here, And see if you can’t tame this woman here. As Dr. Faustus says, “ Appear, appear.” Cantankerosa rises . Cant. How now, who calls me from my fiery bed? Baron. Twas I ? Cant. Oh, Baron, how are you, Blunderhead ? Baron. I’m very queer. Cant. Queer, why what’s the shine? Baron. Yon milkmaid scorns me, you must make her mirfe. Make her hate Jack—to me her bosom warm. Give her a dose- Cant. Of what? Baron. Of Chloroform. (the Baron and Cantankerosa administer chloroform to Pollinette) Poll. Oh, dear, what ails me ? I can't ope my eyes. Good gracious me—how sleepy—I can’t rise, I’m in some fairy home, but yet I see that lout. Baron. It’s Jack she means. Poll. The Baron, I’ll scratch his eyes out. Baron. She don’t know what she says. Cant. Watch her for an hour. The Fairy King will try and queer my power. Count your days, for brief is now the sum, Then for a roast, your hour is almost come. Cantankerosa sinhs through stage . Baron. If you roast me, you old lobster, blow me, If I were roasted, my mother wouldn’t know me. 18 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 7. She sleeps—she snores—I hope she won’t take cold, I’ll tuck her up in my best cloak of gold. Exit. Sudden appearance of King Silverwing. King. Sweet be thy slumbers, gentle Pollinette, By foes and snares, I know thou art beset ; Haste to the Common, there to meet with Jack, Who waits in grief, your speedy coming back. Here comes the Baron. Still sleeping, follow me, 1 have a device, by which I’ll set you free. We’ll ring the changes on the Baron bold, And join in love and joy two hearts of gold. Enter the Baron. Baron. There, sweet Polly, that will keep the cold away; Now snooze, my dear, uutil the break of day. Here, at my darling’s feet, I’ll watch and sit; Hollo ! my milkmaid’s waking in a fit. (Pollinette and Fairy King disappear—D og appears in Baron's bed) Ah ! that cursed dog again. Oh ! he grins— He’s going to make a meal upon my shins. I’ll not be frightened; I’ll muzzle you, I vow. Ho, there, a kettle for his tail. Dog. Bow wow ! (Baron is seized a la Dog of Moniargis — row, and end of Scene) VERSE VII. To work, to work, my merry little men, And build a house within this fairy glen. Scene Seventh.— Glen—discovering " The House that Jack Built." Enter Jack, singing in a melancholy strain . Jack. Oh! dear, I’m weary wandering here alone, Filling the air with cries, I sigh and groan, Calling on Pollinette, who does not show. If she were free she would not serve me so; And then my dream. I’ve dreamt that dream again. But here I see no house upon the fen ; Indeed, I see nothing but a rising mist, And yonder dancing comes a Will-o’-Wisp, Sc. 7.] HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 19 A Jack o' Lanthorn appears . That leads us into quagmires. Now it stops, Leading some one hither; now it drops, The moon breaks forth, that lonely bush expands ; ’Tis magic, sure, or work of fairy hands. Poll, Poll—Jack’s hoarse with crying out thy name. Poll, (in the distance) Jack! Jack. That voice,—it is my Poll. Enter Pollinette. Poll. The same. Jack. Where have you been, Poll, and what led you here ? Poll. A Will-o’-the-Wisp, which I followed without fear. Ah! Jack, I’ve been a prisoner, but by fairy aid I slipped my mooring, and broke the blockade ; Now to old granny’s cottage let us haste away. Jack. And yet I’m weary—rest here awhile, I pray. Poll. But at. our absence she’ll angry be, and chafe. Jack. She’ll rather jnmp for joy to see us safe. See here’s a charming couch, guarded by the moon, And I’ll watch o’er you—I ask it as a boon. Enter King Silverwing. Poll. Oh ! dear, what’s that ? Jack. What? Poll. Something whispered in my ear. Jack. What did it say ? Poll. To rest, and do not fear. Jack. And do you fear? Poll. No. Jack. Then here we’ll lie till morning, Till wakes the sun, with golden beams adorning. (they lie down and sleep) King. Rest, gentle pair, in sweet forgetfulness, Soon shall you wake to joy and happiness ; Now while to sleep I have them both beguiled, A house must rise from out this desert wild ; Let me to my aid summon my Eltin builders. Ho ! joiners, glaziers, carpenters, and gilders, We shall all trades require here in a crack, To build a house for Poll and little Jack. Song and Chorus , 11 The Chough and Crow .” Now while the baron’s fast asleep, I’ll summon all my men, And prove to him that we’re too deep, And beard him in his den. 20 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 8. Will-o’-the-wisp is dancing, Dancing o’er the glen, The moon here sheds its ray, Up rouse ye then, my merry little men, And labour and be gay. (King Silverwing, summons Ms Elfin Workmen— falling of the mist , and sudden appearance of the Fairy Crafts) King. Quick from your bowers appear, my fairy band. In this great work come lend a helping hand. {grand Procession of all the Workmen, dc., dc., and building of JacPs house) VEKSE VIII. The Baron raged; the Baron stamped and swore, As from his head the very hair he tore. Scene Eighth.— The Baron's Chamber. Sir L. Where can the Baron be ? he’s ne’er been home this night, As sure as eggs be eggs, he can’t be right. Kunning after milkmaids, it me alarms— He’ll have a milk pail on his coat of arms. Enter Cliquot. How now, my Cliquot! What’s the news with you? Cliq. News, that will put the Baron in a stew. Jack has built a house upon the Common, A house that beats the Baron’s hollow. Sir L. Gammon. Have you told the Baron ? Cliq. I’ve no wish for dying. Baron, {without) Ah, ah! Cliq. What’s that ? Sir L. The Baron sighing. He comes bewildered, and I do declare That from his head he’s torn off all the hair. Enter Baron. Baron. Ye mountains, fall; ye elements, collapse— Extinguish all that’s known by charts and maps. HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 21 Sc. 8.] In such a rage am I—I’ll punch my head. No, I won’t, Loin—I’ll punch yours instead. Sir L. I am not worthy, sire, of so much honour, Baron. She’s gone, and I am left—ah, out upon her! Fall down, ye stars—all nature, go to rack, I’ll put the pot on this audacious Jack. Sir L. Sure as fate, the news of Jack’s new crib Has sent him mad—look at his awful jib. Baron. Ha! Who is there ? Sir L. ’Tis I, the early village cock, Baron. Put on your spurs and crow like one o’clock. Cliq. What has happened, sir, that your hair so shocks ? Baron. What! You’d worm yourself into my knowledge- box. Sir L. I fear your highness has met with some rebuff. Baron. Kebuff! I’ve been a fool—an ass—amuff! To be sold so by Jack. I’ll hunt him from his lair. He’ll get no love from Poll in which I do not share. Sir L. Are they married ? Baron. Yes. Oh, wormwood—aloes—gall! Sir L. And built a house. Baron. Well, well— you needn’t bawl. This blow will kill me. Sir L. Sire, don’t pipe your eye. Baron. I shall, sir, if you like. Shut up ! (hits Sir Loin) Sir L. Oh, my! Baron. Cabin’d, cribb’d, confin’d—I’m bound—I’m pinn’d. What’s up now ? Sir L. You’ve hit me in the wind. Baron. Oh ! for some way to catch Jack in a trap. Who’ll put me to a dodge ? I’ll give him every rap I have, and owe him all the rest. Oh ! my men, Cudgel your brains; if naught comes, knock again. Sir L. Sire, you forget we’ve been twice well milled. Baron. Stuff—humbug—bosh ! Sir L. But if we should be killed ! Baron. I swear by him whose name we never mention, If you get killed, I’ll give you both a pension; Nay, more—if you put the rebel Jack to rout, I’ll give you all a jolly good blow-out. oSi' S' Baron. Soup, game, oysters, sauce, and salmon, Ducks and green peas, lots of spinach—gammon ! Sir L. Ducks! Birds. Green peas! Cliq. Salmon! 22 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [S/. 9. All. Lead us where you may. Baron. I knew they’d follow when grub led the way. See my men all mustered. We’ll pepper Jack, And bring his saucy bride, Miss Polly, back. Sir L. Oh ! Sire, something strikes me. Baron. Well, hit it again. Sir. L. I’ve got a hidear. Baron. Stay. Here come my men. Enter the Baron's Retainers. Now, down with your high-dear . What’s your mighty plan ? Sir L. To conquer Jack, and not lose a single man. Baron. How—which way—when ? Speak. I’m on the rack. Sir L. Give a grand tournament, and challenge Jack. Baron. Good ! As I’m a sinner, I’ll give a general fete , And lure this upstart Jack to his deserved fate. Give orders for the tournament without delay ; By proclamation ope the lists to-day ; Invite all nations—high, low, great, and small. The world shall witness a rascal rebel’s fall. All. It shall. Baron. Thanks, Loin de Beef; thanks, my noble troop. Ho, cook! Give all my men an extra bowl of soup. Bird. Two bowls! Baron. Two buckets—if they like to lick it, Let them have ten ; that’s the ticket Of leave. My boys, the tournament prepare. We’ll gin this vile rapscallion like a hare. King the alarm bell—blow winds—come rack ! Die fighting, or I’ll give you all the sack. VERSE IX. Quick from his hand his tiny glove he tore, And with a challenge dashed it on the floor. Scene Ninth.— A Wild Heath . Enter Mother Hubbard, meeting Mothers Bunch and Goose. M. Bunch. How now, sister, you seem out of sorts. M. Hub. And with good reason—hearing such reports. The Baron bold again is at his tricks, To conquer Poll, and put Jack in a fix. Sc. 9.] HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 23 Trio . M. Goose. But see they come, where can the pair have been ? Both Jack and Boll decked out like king and queen. Enter Dog and Cat, with Jack and Pollinette. Jack. Why, Granny, don’t you know me? how you stare! M. Hub. You’re sure bedizened for some Christmas fair. How comes this change, and I not it to know ? Jack. I’ve done the Baron brown. How—I’ll quickly show By help from Silverwing our kind good fairy, I’ve built a house. M. Hub. AVith cowshed and a dairy ? Jack. Hush! Sink the shop ; I’m now a married man. Poll. Let the Baron untie that knot if he can. Jack. My house is furnished—you all come to the warming. M. Hub. Not till we’ve squashed the scheme that’s now a forming. Jack. AATiat scheme? Witches. The Baron’s. Poll. Pray, save me from that feller. Jack. Put me on the scent, I’ll give him such a smeller. If I but catch the villain on the hip, I’ll put him out just like a farthing dip; My bitter wrongs rise up in close array, And does he think to seize me—I dessay. (Dog barks) M. Bunch. That bark 1 M. Goose. We’re dogged! M. Hub. An enemy is near! Poll. Jack, get behind me. Jack. What, a husband in the rear ? My place here, before you, when you’re dogged. He who deserts a woman should be flogged. M. Hub. ’Tis that base cur, the Baron’s serving man, Jack! obey your Granny, I leave her in the van ; Jack. Well, Granny, I’ll be ruled. J ’ll listen to the swab, But if lie's saucy, I’ll drop one on his nob. Enter Sir Loin. Sir L. What are these, so wild and withered ? AVitches. Sir, be civil! Sir L. Oh, lor ! it’s Mother Hubbard—the old devil! Jack. Granny, stand back, it’s time to show my mettle. Sir L. AVhat, Jack too here! Here’s a pretty kettle Of flsh- Jack. Your business quick—speak out, my man, Or, we’ll give you English polish, called Japan. 24 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 9. Why have you sought me ? Speak, or as I live- Loin. Please, sir, a tournament the Baron’s going to give ; And there’s his challenge, (throws gloves) Jack. Challenge, what about? Sir L. My master wants you to come and fight it out; Jack. I’ll meet him in the ring, with English mettle, And my account at last, I’ll promptly settle. ( throws down glove) Song , Jack. Tell the Baron I’ll come, With trumpet and drum, And make his long ears stand on end. He the fight has began, From the lists he will run, And swear on his knees he will mend. Jack. Oh ! I’m all elate- Poll. What, leave me alone ? Jack. I’ll take up his little glove, I’ll bring my own. Poll. Oh, Jack! Jack. Peace, Poll! nor check my good intention, The order of the day’s non-intervention. I’ll seek no aid—I’ll fight on my own hook. Poll, I hope you’ll conquer. M. Hub. He shall, by hook or crook. Jack. Go tell your master to get ready for a mill, To say his prayers, and straightway make his will. Twice have we met before—oh ! my sword—my shield ! We’ll meet again—by George I will not yield, Till I or he be sprawling on the field. Exit with POLLINETTE. Sir L. I’d best vamoose, I’m not safe with that old jade. M. Hub. We’ll master, Sir Loin de Beef, any further trade ? Sir L. Why? M. Hub. Ladies, your brooms. Sir L. They’re getting up their ire. Good morning, ladies, I’ll gracefully retire. He heats an inglorious retreat . M. Hub. Quick, change your brooms, to horses mount aback, There hover o’ the wing to watch poor Jack. Great things we’ll do to-night. M. Bunch. ) What? M. Goose. | v/lutt M. Hub. Never heed. Seem not to know, chucks, till you applaud the deed; Now, quickly vanish, all into the air, 25 SC. 10.] HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. We’ll hang invisible above the Baron’s lair, Then, brooms in hand, show just like what you are; All. We’ll show his heavy eyes—we’ll gripe his heart, Drop in like shadows—thrash—and so depart. Trio . VERSE X. As man on man, and horse on horse roll’d o’er, Some staggered up, some fell to rise no more. Scene Tenth.— Court and Tilt Yard of the Baron's Castle. Grand Procession of Everybody and Everything.— Enter the Baron and Sir Loin on horseback . Baron. Where does the coward, Jacky, hide his head? I burn, I thirst, to shed the villain’s blood ! What, ho! Jacky—ho! young, sleek, and slim, Six Richmonds would I slay, if they were him ; I’m very dry, slaves, hand me here some liquor. Sir L. The time? My uncle has my ticker. Baron. I’ll wait no longer. Sir L. Stay, sir, I think I hear A trumpet very distant, Baron. Then it can’t be near. Sir L. ’Tis trumpet’s challenge, blown for upstart Jack. Baron. Blow his trumpet—blow his challenge back. Let it be loud and shrill, and musical withal. These soft sweet sounds, how they my soul enthral! Jack, I am hoarse calling to war’s alarm- Keep off my charger’s tail, if you please, marm. Ho, Jack ! the coward’s bolted, I’ll bet a crown. Enter Jack, armed cap-a-pie , on horseback. Jack. No, craven, lam here, throw thy arms down ; Ever by thy side, I’ll thunder in thine ear, Tremble, thou foul traitor, for u I am here!” There lies my gage, let him take it up who dares, Baron. Beef, pick up that glove. Sir L. Hit him unawares. 26 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [SC. 11. Baron. My souland body on the action — go it! Jack. Come on, Baron—I’m a Baron bold. They fight , the Baron is slightly wounded. Baron. ' Oh, blow it! He caught me on the knuckle—come on, you muff, And may be jiggered he who first cried hold, enough, {grand combat) Baron. I’m master of the field, cock a doodle-do ! Now I’m in trim, I’ll fight till all is blue. Ho, Sassenach’s, come on—“ any more to slew ?” Enter Mother Hubbard on her charger , yclept broom. M. Hub. Then, try it on with me, if still in fighting mood. Slew away ! Baron. That old Mother Hubbard—well, I’m slew’d! I’ll fight till from my flesh the bones they hack. Sir L. I’ll stand by you— Baron. Sir Loin de Beef, stand back. {grand combat of the Byron and Witch— rueful slaughter—supposed death of the Baron —he revives and is taken prisoner) VERSE XL Thus to the end in time, all things we bring, The rest we leave to good King Silverwing. Scene Eleventh.— A Dark Dell outside the Castle. Enter Jack and Pollinette. Jack. The battle’s o’er, the baron bold is routed, When granny showed, of that I never doubted. But where were you, Poll ? did you see the fight? Poll. Yes, in a private box, and trembled at the sight. Oh! if I were a queen, I’d end all war sensations, I’d call a Congress, and disarm all nations. All noises cease, proclaimed by one grand (h)usher. No more conquests. Jack. Oh ! where then is Prussia? Into disarmament you’d never trick us, Britons won’t lay still, for foreigners to kick us. Now Poll, let’s hasten to our new abode, I'll bear with me my priceless precious load, SC. 11.] HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 27' Then day and night I’ll hug my Pollinette, As Romeo did his gentle Juliet. Poll. Well, with all my grandeur, Jack, I don’t know, I’d rather have my cottage and mv cow. Jack. Of milking cows you must no ionger dream, Your life has been skimmed milk, it shall be cream. Duet.— Jack and Pollinette. Poll. Hark! I hear at distance Towser barking. Jack. Has the Baron bold again began his larking? No, he’s neither escaped imprisonment or fine, For Hubbard, Bunch and Goose have got him in a line. Enter the Baron, led a prisoner by Mother Hubbard—Sir Loin led by Mother Bunch—Mother Goose, Dog, and Cat guarding. M. Goose. Bring the rogue along. M. Bunch. Oh, oh! at last we’ve got him. M. Hub. Don’t pull the rogue too tight. Ah, no—odd rot him! Baron. Ladies—really! Come, you’re only joking me ? All. Silence ! Baron. I beg your pardon ; but you’re choking me. M. Hub. Do you repent of all your wicked tricks? Baron. I do— I do. I own I’ve been a little wild—a few. Jack, take your house; I’ll never more assail it. The flag is yours. Jack. And to my mast I’ll nail it. Baron. Ladies, you’ve done enough; my house you’ve razed to ground. You’ve played the old one with my favourite mound. Sir L. Now all’s o’erthrown—a flat, a plain, a vale. Where once you saw a Hdl you see a Dale. Baron. Come—I’ve repented. Let me go, I pray. Jack. What say you, mother? M. Hub. Well, I hardly- Cant. Stay! Who’ll go bail for you ? What! did you think to do me? ’Twill take a bolder man than you to Jew me. All’s ready for your sacrifice—a nice hot corner. We only wait for you, the principal performer. Baron. I’ll have no principal. I’ve got an audience here. I’m pre-engaged, and can’t perform down there. 28 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. [Sc. 11 Cant. No humbug! Come. A roaring fire’s below; And all my loyal lobsters waiting in a row. Baron. Oh, boil your lobsters ! Don’t think I’m so fond As to admit I gave you such a bond. Jack. Peace, ye brawlers both, and stop this pother ; It’s time to put a stop to all this bother. I’ll be his bail. Baron. You will? Come—there’s my hand. M. Hub. I beg you won’t on ceremony stand. ( joins hands) Concerted Piece. The last verse is sung by King Silverwing, who enters after grand Finale Chorus. THE GORGEOUS TRANSFORMATION SCENE, THE DAZZLING BOWERS OF FRUIT AND FLOWERS, THE MAGIC SHELL, THE 00LBIM GLOBE 1 T. Martini. Miss Emily Waiine. Dan Rice. Mr. Butler. (From the Crystal Palace) HARLEQUIN COLUMBINE CLOWN PANTALOON FINAL RESPLENDENT TABLEAU. Printed by Thomas Scott, Warwick Court, Ilolborn. N 'St:, ■ h.