L I B R,A R.Y OF THE UN IVER.5ITY or ILLINOIS MGZ31> fa^/^^^(y^^* Digitized by tine Internet Archive in 2009 witin funding from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign http://www.archive.org/details/beggarsbenisonor01mill > ¥ r ^\V9 AV THE BEGGAE'S BENISON ALL RIGHTS OF TRANSLATION RESERVED. THE BEGGAE'S BENISON A HERO, WITHOUT A NAME; BUT, WITH AN AIM. A CLYDESDALE STORY. ILLUSTRATED BY UPWARDS OF 3OO AMATEUR FEN AND INK SKETCHES. Jn Two Volumes. VOL. I. CASSELL, PETTER, & GALPIN^ LONDON AND NEW YORK. 1866. GLASGOW PRI^r^ED by Robert anderson, 85 QUEEN STREET. LIST OP ILLUSTRATIONS IN VOL. I. N 1. 2. •fl 1 3. c^ :.4. 6» 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. t ^ 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. J 17. 4 18. 19. ^ 20. ^21. «1 22. 23. >26. ^ ^ 27. \ 28. Materials for a Modem 'Scutcheon, The Garret Fire-side, The Drammock Supper, An Expected Visitor, The Bairns' Bed, . The Burglars' Spoil, A Goosedubbs Portrait, Trespassing in the Fields, Barney's Munificence, The Slumbering Burglars, Goosedubbs Sociality, The Beggar's Malison, The Beggar's Benison, The Burglars Surprised, The Hanging Judge, The Neglected Bairns, Youthful Pickpockets, The Iritated Old Gentleman, The Benevolent Old Gentleman, Hurrying Home, The Lord Provost, . The Judges going to Court, The Important Magistrate, The Pannels at the Bar, . The Judges on the Bench, Incontrovertible Evidence, The Last Effort of Counsel, The Sentence of Death, . Proem. 3 5 7 10 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 21 22 25 27 28 29 31 ib. 34 35 36 37 38 ib. 39 41 1 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. PAGR 29. The Mother's Recognition, 42 30. The Abandoned Ones, 44 31. The Grateful Ones, 46 32. Lone Outcasts of the Niglit, 47 33. The Coitage Door, 50 34. Cottage Hospitality, 53 35. The Outfit 56 36. The Bower, 57 37. Remorse, 58 38. The Front of the Jail, 61 39. The Old Sailor, 62 40. The Drop, 67 41. The Slip of the Gallows Rope, . . . . . .69 42. The Half-hung Criminal, 70 43. The Magisterial Panic, 74 44. The Parrot's Flight, 75 45. The Coffins, 76 46. The last Speech and Confession, 77 47. The Sailor's Return, - . 80 48. The Old Sailor and Sissy, 82 49. The Escape in the Bumboat, 85 50. TheTawse, 89 51. The Introduction to the Dominie, . . ... 91 52. Dominie Lickladdie's Method of Teaching, ... 92 53. Unexpected Assistance, 94 54. The School Dismissed, ....... 96 55. The Subdued Dominie, 98 56. The Improved Method of Teaching 100 57. The Candlemas Feast, 103 58. The Candlemas Ball, 105 59. The Candlemas Finale', . . . . . . .107 60. The Empty Purse, 109 61. The Old Sailor's Fireside, 110 62. The Sailor's Departure, , .112 63. The Trumpet Boy, 113 64. The first Steamboat, 114 65. Bet Breezer's Howf, 118 66. The Hammock, 120 67. The Ruffians Scared, 122 68. The Artizans, .123 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. Ul PAGE 69. The Meeting of Old Friends, 125 70. The Ship about to Sail, 128 71. The Captain of the Ship, 129 72. The Ship "rounding to," 130 73. Piping the Side, 131 74. The Last Glimpse of the Ship, 132 75. Pulling Back, 133 76. The Eccentric Gentleman, 135 77. The Weary Road, 136 78. The Highway-man's Attack, 138 79. The Vacant Chair, 143 80. Bad News from Sea, 145 81. The Washing-Tub, 146 82. The First Application for Place, 148 83. The Dancing Boy, 149 84. The Tempting Shop, 150 85. The Old Quaker, 151 86. The Promising Application, . . . - , . .154 87. Mr. Silvertop's Kindness, 156 88. The Overjoyed One, 157 89. The Boy of the Office, 159 90. The Mess of Porridge, 161 91. The Scolding Housekeeper, 162 92. The High Stool, 163 93. Mr. Silvertop's Office, 164 94. Huny-ing to the Office, 166 95. Sissy's Kind Sympathy, ib. 96. Better Occupation, 168 97. Rumination, . . . , . . . . .170 98. Tom Throstle at Home, 173 99. The Consultation, , . . . . . . .174 100. Nahum Gusset, 176 101. Poor Sissy's Reward, 178 102. Packing tie Trunk, 181 103. Canning the Tnmk, . . • . . . . lt^2 104. Poor Deserted Sissy, 183 105. The Introduction, 1S4 106. Monsieur Passeul, Iy6 107. Dressing for the Ball, 188 108. Going to the Ball, . . -, 189 IV LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. PAGE 109. The Barber, 190 110. Hyperion Curls, 191 111. The First Arrivals, 192 112. The Master of Ceremonies, 193 113. The Pretty Show-Woman, 195 114. Something Like Dancing, 197 115. The Pmich Bowl, 198 116. The Fairies, 199 1.17. Miss Tucker, 200 118. TheM'Chuckie, 202 119. The M 'Chuckle's Song, 204 120. After the Ball, 206 121. The Dream of the Ball, . 208 122. Sissy and Her Mother, 211 123. Sissy's Last Appeal, 213 124. Tom Throstle's Remonstrance, 215 125. The Evening Visit, 219 126. The Old Cottage at Night, 220 127. The New Tenant, 221 128. Materials for Toddy, 224 129. Miss Tucker's Note, 226 130. The Poet, 229 131. Miss Tucker's Arrival at the Ball, 230 132. TheM'Chuckie and Miss Tucker, 231 133. Leaving the Ball, . 235 134. The M'Chuckie's Revenge, ...... 236 135. The Results of the Ball, 238 136. Tom Throstle Proposes the Duello, 240 137. The Morning After the Ball, 243 138. Tom Throstle and the M 'Chuckle, 244 J 39. Mrs. Gusset's Kind Attention, 245 140. The Painting of the Eye, 247 141. Laudable Curiosity, 248 142. Young Mrs. M'Chuckic, 250 143. Better Drink and Better 'Bacco, 253 144. At the Bar of Conscience, 258 145. A Guest at Supper, 259 , 146. Nahum's Grace, 260 147. Nahum's Homily, 262 148. Nahum's Toast, .263 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. V PAGE 149. The Dance of Cur-cuddoch, 265 150. On Board the Ship at Sea, 268 151. The Rum Coffin, 270 152. An Unlooked-for Visitor, 271 153. Hot-House Plants, 273 154. Bitter Moments, 277 155. The Speck on the Horizon, 279 156. The Farewell Dinner, 283 157. News from England, ....... 285 158. Indian Relaxation, 288 PROEM The germ lies buried in the earth, Neglected and despised ; But, soon 'twill claim from Nature birth, And be both praised and prized. Yes ! many a paltry buried thing, Which e'en the hogs reject. Shall from the world a status wring, And gain fame and respect. The Goosediibbs Poet. THE BEGGAR'S BEXISON. CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. As sporting blades, will poacMng go, 'Gainst partridges, and grouse; So, burglars, with an equal will. Proceed to rob a house. _ With lurid gleams, the waning moon. Grants kindly aid to either ; Whether the game lies in a hall. Or nestles mid'st the heather ! The Goosedubbt Poet. Smoke, squalor, fiimes, filth, vice, venialitj, noise, nastiness — amongst these I first became sensitive of life. At what period of years and months, of course I cannot telL Nobody remembers his debut. No one marks his own advent upon society, of whatever description that society may be — high or low, rich or poor, aristocratic or plebeian. He simply groios into it. He expresses no surprise regarding it. He neither approves nor disapproves of it. He makes no remon- strance. He utters no protest. He tacitly accepts life unconditionally, uncovenantedly, unceremoniously, and there he is squalling, squeaking, snuling, sobbing, snuffling, either as a prince or a peasant, as the case may be I 2 THE beggar's BENISON. It is only impressions connected with our childish con- dition that we can call back to remembrance, and these hazily, dimJy, and dreamily — without grasp, without posi- tiveness, but still possibly with vast mental conviction. The first scene of my life, then, of which I can speak, as it were from knowledge, guided, however, by mere impression, opens at a date not far removed from the beginning of the present century, in a dingy, dismal, Glasgow garret, sur- rounded by the ungracious elements I have spoken of; but with which, knowing no better, I was wonderfully contented; as much so, indeed, as I am sure I would have been with those pertaining to a palace, had the latter been my fate instead. And there I vegetated and grew, monotonously enough, no doubt, but still vigorously and satisfactorily, till what was merely inductive, became a reality in my mind. I remember myself at last, as having become an active being ; as going out of doors and coming in again ; as enjoy- ing the privilege of freedom in the streets, and hating the control of domesticity, such as it was, at home, and being occasionally happy, and occasionally miserable. Let me come, however, to something tangible ; or, in other words, to something like an event — the first event, I may say, that made me think of, and feel the realities and responsibilities of life — for all circumstances previous to that appear but as dreams in comparison ; and I will introduce it to my reader, as, in my own mind, it was introduced to myself I see myself then, as it were, sitting in the garret already mentioned, before a glimmering fire, which lies on a black hearth-stone to which pertains no such civilised con- venience as that of a grate. It is composed partly of red embers, a few sticks, a portion of dry peat, and a bit or two of coal — the latter possibly the result of my own industry, in the shape of a "picking" from the gutter, or a "prigging" from a coal cart as it passed along the street ; for, at a very early age, I had become a pilferer and a thief The fire smoulders on. Its lower embers peep brightly from under the superincumbent mass, making the apart- ment around look dark and gloomy; as the smoke from the igniting sticks and coals rises in swirling volumes, while occasionally pufiing into the chamber unwelcomely and annoyingly; for it is blowing a gale of wind at the time THE BEGGARS BEXISOX. 3 overhead, as may be judged from the rattling of tiles on the roof immediately above, and the occasional crash of chimney pots in the distance. But I am not alone. As the fire improves, and now and then breaks into a flickering flame, I can see other indi^-iduals in the chamber, who, like myself, are interested in a promised warmth from its welcome rays. On one side there is the figure of a woman crouchingly seated on a cutty stool, with her nose. poked into the recess of the fire-place, and her shoulders high up and almost on a level with the top of her head. She " lunts at a cutty"— that is, smokes a short black pipe — the reek from which occasionally passes up the chimney, and occasionally mingles with that of the fire as it blasts out in some of the squalls that are whistling around. On the other side of the fire-place sits a man He res-ts, in the absence of a better seat, on a faggot, and, like the woman, also sucks at a pipe. Right before the fire, I myself sit like a monkey, while at my side there is a little girl, whom I remember to have been endeared to me under the name of Sissy, which is the diminutive of little sister. Nor are the others devoid of interest to me also as relatives. I can recal perfectly a sincere afiection which I felt for the woman though tinctured with distinist and fear, in conse 4 THE BEGGARS BENISON. quence of many severe beatings I was in the habit of receiv- ing from her in her irritable moments. Yet she was my mother. The man, I can perfectly well remember as one whom I detested and dreaded altogether, standing in the relationship as he did to me of a stepfather — a connection which even amongst beggars is not desiderated. I understood him, however, thongh perhaps rather gratui- tously, to be Sissy's father, princij)ally in consequence of his greater partiality and kindness to her, as well as from the circumstance that she had been born after my father's departure. As to my mother's claim upon him as a husband, it could only have been from ali irregular marriage that had taken place betwixt them — she having assumed herself to be a widow, in the absence of my father, who was a seaman, and who liad deserted her, or been restrained from being with her for many years in consequence of a lengthened delay at sea, or casualty of some kind. The marriage, however, although irregular, was, for all legal purposes, perfectly valid, if so be her first husband never turned up. I had a real affection for little Sissy, who was my junior by several years. Her curly hair, her artless smile, her sparkling yet soft eye, notwithstanding her grimy face, her prattling and lisping sentences, and her innocent, kindly embraces, in the absence of such from all other human beings, had created a love and regard in mer towards her of the most heartfelt description. The fire crackled away, and at last became pleasant, al- though continuing, every now and then to fill, with " hoast provoking smeek," our little garret; for -the gale without swept with unabating fury, and indeed became fiercer and fiercer. " I think Barney Brogan will be here ere- long," at last said the man to my mother, " this is the very «ort of night that will suit. Send the bairns to their bed, and let them sleep, so that we may not be disturbed." ** The bairns won't sleep, mth cold feet and hungry bellies," replied my mother, as she whiffed out a cloud of smoke from her cutty. " Let me give them some porridge fii'st, now that the fire will boil a pan." THE BEGGAKS BENISON. "Porridge!" replied her companion with an oath and a look of contempt, "gi"ve them drammock, it will be easier made, and will stay their cra\dng as well — quick ! Do as I tell you; for if Barney comes, and they are not asleep, there will be no pleasing of him." My mother, on receiving this despotic command, which seemingly she thought it would be impolitic to resist, arose, and taking a cracked breakfast cup which stood in a recess, placed in it a portion of oatmeal, over which she poured some cold water, while stirring the mass with a bent pewter teaspoon, until it assumed the consistency of paste. She then called Sissy and myself to her, and after giving us sup and sup about— which we gi'atefully received, so true is the pro- verb, " that hunger makes good sauce j' — till it was finished, ordered us to toddle off to our nest, and be asleep as soon as possible. Our dormitive plenishings were simple in the extreme. They consisted of a little loose straw laid on the floor in a comer of the garret, over which was spread a bit of coarse bagging or sack cloth, and upon this Sissy and I placed our- selves, — a dirty, torn, small blanket, and our o^vn ragged " dudi' being spread above all, — and thus stowed away for the night, we were expected to sleep. This one of us certainly so far succeeded in, for in a few b THE BEGGAR S BENISON. minutes poor Sissy, clasped in my bosom, and thus obtaining some animal heat, yielded to the influence of Somnus, and gently glided into the land of dreams, as if she had lain on a silken couch instead of what would almost have disgusted an aristocratic mastiff who is accustomed to bark and bivouac at the gate of a country squire amongst clean litter. Sleep, however, refused to come to my aid; for, in addition to a cold raw feeling which was present to me, I still felt the cravings of an unsatisfied appetite, and therefore lay awake, although silent, fearing to arouse the resentment of my stepfather, as I suppose I may call him, by the display of any restlessness or motion that might indicate that I was awake. Thus with me did the evening so far tediously pass away. Alas ! how many poor children are there not in a like situa- tion — the children of the poor, the wicked, the degraded; the victims, in short, of the crime of poverty ! Oh ! ye denizens of the west ends of our great cities, who live in palaces; whose nurseries alone, for the accommodation of three or four well tended plants, contain the area that is apportioned to scores of families such as that which I am at present attempting to portray; whose children lie in carved cribs, and beds of down, and on spring mattresses, while protected from the chill of a mere lobby or carpeted passage by silken hangings and pictured screens, think what an extreme there is betwixt the plenitude on the one hand and the penury on the other. And yet this is no fancy sketch. Even at this moment the proof of its truth lies within the narrowest limits. If you have half-an-hour to spare from the drawing- room of an evening, after your luxurious dinner — and your daughters will never miss you while, at the piano they delude away the evening, their music books being tui-ned over by attentive youths — call a cab; proceed at once to such locali- ties as the Briggate or the Goosedubbs of Glasgow;** penetrate some of their closes and dark passages, and opening a door or two, peep in: there you will witness at once the realisation of what I aver. You had better, however, be attended by a policeman ! In the course of an hour or so footsteps were heard ascend- ing the stair that led to our garret, of a somewhat more deliberate and picked description than what had been heard * Note A.— The Goosedubbs of Glasgow. Sec Appendix. THE BEGGARS BEXISON. / for some time before, for it may be stated, that so densely- crowded were the several apartments belonging to the build- ing, that seldom was there a cessation of traffic on the stair- case and relative passages, only that the same being used by parties who knew the locality well, they tripped along the dark viaducts with more confidence than did strangei's. In the present instance, my mother and step- father, who had for some time been silent, and seemingly dozing, pricked up their ears at the soimd of a different description of footstep, and as the party announced thereby approached, my mother arose, and cautiously and timidly withdrawing for the purpose a strong wooden bar, which stretched across the door, and effectually prevented any one from enteiing, excepting with the concurrence of the inmates, opened it and then returned to her seat by the fire. The figure of a man now entered the room, whom I observed by the light that gleamed fi'om the fire, to be stout and rough. I had, of course, seen him before, and knew him to be the anticipated Barney Brogan, an Irish vagabond, the chum and associate of my stepfather, and so coarse in appearance and rude in speech that the couple might safely have been pro- nounced a well matched pair. Barney slipped across the apartment in what was seem- ingly intended to be a silent manner, but which the heavy tacketed soles of his stout and dirty shoes made rather ques- « THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. tionable. He sat down beside my stepfather, on aliother faggot, and immediately commenced in what is called a "horse whisper" to chat to hin companion, but which, although granting it was a whisper, I distinctly heard every word of. "And sure," he said, "this is the very night for that ex- pedition, and it's myself that has just come along to see if, before the morrow, you'll. carry it out. The ould devil him- self rules the blast, I'm thinking, and it will both keep people out of our way as we go to the place, and cover any noise we may make with our operations when there." "Well, I thought you would come," replied my stepfather, "and I may say that 1 have been impatiently expecting you. It is time enough, however. How is the moon?" "Faix, and its flying through the clouds," answered Barney, "at a fierce rate. That is when it is seen; for sometimes it is hidden altogether, and then it rains and hails; and some- times it shines out like a flash of lightning, but that's seldom." "When will it set?" inquired the other "that's what I mean." "Well, I should say," replied Barney, "about two or three in jthe morning, after lighting us along the road handsomely, and then dowsing it's glim convaniently, as you understand?' "I do," said the other, while putting the important ques- tion, "have you got the tinder box?" "That I have," answered the intelligent Barney, "and the dark lantern and a bit of candle, all in me pocket to be sure!" An approving smile lit up the grim countenance of my stepfather as he learned these facts, while he added, by way of corollary to Barney's communication, "Then the sooner we get the 'graith ' " — meaning the house-breaking implements — "ready and be ofi", the better." "Yes," answered Barney, "you may say that, my honey; for the wind may spend itself out before long, and then we will be baulked as we have been before." "Sowl of my body!" however, added Barney, as he first looked at my stepfather, who by this time was busily engaged in taking from their hidden places, amongst the chinks in the ceiling and rat holes in the corners of the room, several rusty THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. 9 iron i nq^a nents in the shape of picks for locks, pinches for windo||^P^d turnscrews for doors — the URual accompani- ments^^ the burglar — and then at my mother, who still smoked her cutty ; " Sowl of my body ! but it is bleak work travelling with a himgry belly and a parched throat. Can you stand anything in the way of crathur comforts before we go]" "The last shilling," interposed my mother, "has been changed to get meal for the bairns, and only a few coppers remain. Still if you must have something, say what it should be and I will go for it, though we should staiwe afterwards." "Get a pen'orth of cheese and bread," shouted my step- father, with a coarse oath and a scowl of rage; for he seem- ingly thought that my mother grudged the outlay for the sake of her children. "Get likewise an onion and the rest in whisky!" ^ My mother accordingly arose, placed her pipe on the dirty chimney shelf, and wrapping her old ragged mantle, or as it was called, duffle around her, the hood of which covered her head and features, left the room, taking with her a small black bottle to contain the liquor; while during her absence the two ruffians talked earnestly and confidently regarding their approaching expedition, with many an oath and slang expression, which I perfectly understood, but which tHey little thought I heard. In a little while my mother returned, and producing the refreshments she had bought, the pair were not long in dis- cussing them, though without even offering the poor woman a portion — crunching as they did the hard crusts and onion with a gusto that made my own hungry state the more painful, and whipping off the raw whisky as though it had been warm milk. Having finished their repast, they disposed of their house- breaking implements about their persons, clapped, one a blue bonnet, and the other " an ould hat," on their heads, but- toned their coats, and left the dwelling, not even doing my mother the honour of wishing her a good evening. This she cUd not seem to care about, far less to resent, heing accustomed, no doubt, to such acts of polite- ness. She accordingly gathered herself in her duffle, along- side of the fire, resumed her never-failing cutty, and whiffed iO THE BEGGARS BENISON. away, while I, now fairly tired out, by hearkening to the conversation within, and the gusty blowing without, fell asleep at the side of poor little innocent Sissy. CHAPTER II. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. The moon hath set, the mom hath broke, The sun mounts overhead ; The artizan sweats at his work, The burglar snores in bed. But ere another moon shall set. Like to a hunted ratton, Struck down shall that sad burglar be By the policeman's baton ! The Goosedubbs Poet. On awakening in the morning it was broad daylight, and even a ray or two of the sun streamed into the apartment, through the little skylight window that pertained to the roof, the heavy clouds that had fed the gale of the previous night seemingly having been dispersed, while the gale itself had been succeeded by a comparative calm. I sat up on my lowly couch simultaneously with Sissy, and looked around, when I found that a wonderful change had taken place in the appearance of the room to what it had borne the night previously. On the floor I now saw considerable quantities of rich apparel, trinkets of various kinds, and a gold watch and chain, with some golden seals attached thereto; while, in the corner of the room where my mother generally lay on a rudely made-up bed, similar to that of poor Sissy and myself, though more extensive, there reposed my worthy stepfather and the faithful Barney, alongside of each other, snugly covered by soft and white English blankets that had, no doubt, been brought along 12 THE beggar's BENISON. witli the rest of the finery alluded to, and which seemed to promote, with their coziness and comfort, sleep to the fullest extent, if the loud snoring which issued from their noses might be allowed to be taken as a proof of the fact. My mother still retained her old posture at the fire, and still smoked away, though on liearing us move, she turned round, and with a threatening shake of her hand and a ciy of "wheest," warned us to be silent, and which she was per- fectly successful in effecting, in consequence of the proximity of the ruffians, although I confess I could scarcely restrain my feelings of curiosity as to the glittering trinkets that lay near. I therefore quietly laid down again, urging with a gentle impulse, little Sissy to do the same, and thus we remained, yawning and wondering as to what could be the meaning of so much good property being within the locality. When the proper time arrived, that is somewhere betwixt six and seven o'clock in the morning, Sissy and I were rather roughly desired by our mother to get up, which we at once did, and having dressed ourselves in our old rags, the com- pletion of our toilet being a very easy matter, we were unceremoniously discharged from the dwelling, to amuse ourselves as we best could, after receiving the strictest injunctions to say nothing about what we had seen, on pain of being subjected to the severest punishment, and which we well knew from experience would be of no ordinary description if we made ourselves amenable thereto. THE BEGGAk's BEXISOX. 13 We accordingly descended to the street, by means of the steep and well used circular staircase that led from our garret. Down, down we went, encountering many of the occupants of the erection as they met us going in the contrary direction or went along ^\-ith us, all being of the same beggarly stamp as oui'selves. Old wives, young wives, old men, young men, girls of questionable character, haims, cats, a dog or two, and even a pig, for it was notorious that several were lodgers in the land, being tenderly reared and aftei-wards turned into pork at a height of four or five storeys from the ground.' I remember that stair well — what a traffic was upon it to be sure, for it accommodated the members of some thirty or forty families that all lived and huddled together in the several flats pertaining to the " biggin g," and which in con- sequence got the name of "the rookery." How thoroughly its steps were worn by the constant passage of footsteps over them ; so much so, indeed, that instead of being called a stair, it might have been denominated an inclined plane, or the helix of a screw. It was likewise a dangerous means of passage, and not a few sprains, broken legs and arms, and even dislocations of the neck, were eveiy now and then the consequence, particidarly if the sufi'ering party had been indulging too freely in the " barley bree." On reaching the street we miDgled at rude play with other children like ourselves, all more or less little blackguards, ready for any petty depredation that they could get an opportimity of com- mitting, such as filching from a shop door or an open window, or picking the pockets of the careless and unwary passer-by. To them such vices were second nature, or rather nature itself, for they knew not how to distinguish betwixt good and evil, unless that the latter brought them sometimes under the fangs of the policeman, and subjected them to a short imprison- ment, from which they subsequently issued greater and more hardened rogues than they were before. These children, like ourselves, and we were all of one type ♦ Note B. — Swine in attics. See Appendix. u THE beggar's BENISON. and portraiture, may be said to have been bom in sin and misery, in poverty and wretchedness, in a state of barbarity more barbarous than even that of African savages; for savages, not being in the propinquity of classes better than themselves, are not hourly and daily reminded of their degraded condition, and therefore are not naturally taught to despise themselves. The aboriginal foreig-n savage, indeed, is in a position to indulge in self-esteem, whereas the civilized one — if the term may be allowed — is not; and hence the latter vegetates and exists merely as an inferior animal amidst superior ones, to whom his existence, his liberty, and his very life, are matters of no concern. And yet he is of the utmost importance to these upper classes. He is of the stock that supplies to them servants and labourers. He represents the ancient thrall. He is an out-door pensioner of serfdom, in a word; and for the sake of calling himself free, is privileged to provide for himself. He is a Briton, but has not an inch of British ground that he can claim the privilege of treading upon as his own. There is not even surface for him to lie down and die upon. The municipality claim the streets, and he must be no cumberer there. If he would die on them, it must be while under the process of locomotion. *' Move on " is the word. If he seeks the countiy for the purpose, and lies down in a ditch, or a field, or a plan- tation, he trespasses, and while life is in him he is amenable to punishment for so doing. If he is found dead on the gi'ound, his carcase is turned off like so much carrion or filth, and humanity in the shape of the parish burys him, in order that his ghastly hideousness may not offend the mag- nates of the land. On returning to our garret after as long an absence on the THE BEGGARS BENISON. 15 streets as the cravings of our exhausted stomachs would per- mit, and having only picked up a few raw potatoes that had rolled from the door of a store to the kennel, and some chipped oranges that a grocer had thrown to the gutter, we found the rest of the household astir and enjoying themselves before a blazing fire with sundry luxuries and comforts, the sight of which made our eyes glisten and our mouths wat^r. The disposal of some of the stolen property, to be plain, through the medium of the pawTi shops, a process which my poor mother was well up to, had enabled this abundance to be provided. There were spread on the only ricketty table that we had, and which stood doubtfully on its legs, bread, butter, cheese, and especially some roasted red heriings that evolved a most delightful and appetite provoking effluvium. There was likewise a mugful of creamy beer or porter, and a quart bottle of whisky, which Barney and my stepfather paid their ;^rr;/^^^^^-'^«;;5^ ■/n,,.«.>.iifherTnft„^,t m»». addresses to most assiduously and with a seeming relish. Indeed the effects of the latter were already becoming apparent, for they were quite loquacious and not a Kttle given to hilarity and even generosity. So much so was this the case, happily for poor Sissy and myself, that after entering the appartment and being saluted and welcomed by Barney with sundry oaths of a courteous natui'e, under the cii^cumstances, we were immediately invited by him to pai-take of the good things. 16 THE beggar's BENISON. This we were not long of responding to, and well do I remember with what a relish which the finest feasts of the present day, in the proudest palaces of the West End, could not efface, how we devoured the soft bread and the fresh butter, albeit the latter was spread by the filthy tip of Barney's rough thumb, and how we smacked our lips after the red herrings, and the warm, comfortable, kindly cup of tea — cracked and jagged at the edge though the cup was — that we got from our mother, for tea was her principal weakness when she could get it, in preference to fennented drinks, and even to whisky itself. That day was indeed one of plenty and content, at least to Sissy and me. It was, in the vulgar parlance of ourselves, "a burst after a hunger," and I believe that we actually, for the short period during which the happy event extended, felt the sensation of repletion; at any rate our hunger was stayed, and we were happy. Barney and my stepfather were likewise happy, if that was to be judged of from the noise and glee which they indulged in ; now laughing, now singing, now swigging at the whisky, now at the beer, now pledging eternal friendship towards each other, now swearing against and execrating their foes, till at last, fairly exliausted with meat and di^mk, and roaring and vapouring, they tumbled on to their couch, and again fell asleep in a brotherly embrace, during which they snored louder than ever. The day thus passed happily with us all, for it wa« indeed one of a thousand, and desei^ed, like similar instances amongst the ancients, to have been marked with a white THE beggar's BENISON. 17 stone. The slightest appetite that we (the children) might feel did not require to be long suffered, indeed it was immediately appeased, while my mother revelled in tea and toast, and in the whiflSng of her mvourite cutty pipe. As for Barney and my stepfather, if their repose was at all disturbed, it was only that they might awake to diink again of whisky, or to quench a burning thirst which both complained they felt, and which caused them to send out my mother for cheap and brisk beer, known under the denomina- tion of " penny wheep." This stuff, Barney declared, was a drink that a bishop himself might relish, for it pierced like a needle through his nose to his brain, and mitigated the severity of what he called a splitting headache. Bar- ney, notwithstanding, told his choicest stories, .and cracked his funniest jokes, so that he kept my step- father in a roar of laughter as they sat with the bottle before them, the one on an old box, and the other on an inverted empty barrel. By this time the property that had been acquii'ed by means of the robbery, had in one way and another been pretty well disposed of, some of it having been hidden in the holes in the walls, and secret corners of the upper joists of the garret, while not a small portion of it had been pledged by my mother at the several pawnbroker's shops in the locality, for what advances she could get upon them, without any inten- tion, of course, of their ever being redeemed. The party in consequence considered themselves as being in very affluent circumstances. There was no want they could think of that they could not supply. They were in clover — to quote Barney's mode of expressing his satisfaction — so much so, indeed, that they could afford to be generous, and to extend their hospitality to some of their neighbours that were called in to taste the whisky and partake of the cheese and bread. c 18 THE beggar's BENISON. Amongst these, there was one that I have cause to remem- ber to this day, for she was notorious in the locality, and an object of terror to all the bairns about. She was an old beggar-woman, named Girzie Galbraith, who passed for a spaewife, if not a witch, she being particularly fond of whisky, and when inspired by it, given to the utterance of impreca- tions and coarse rhymes, wherein she conveyed either her malisons or her benisons, her predictions or her aspirations, according to the style that distinguished her vocation. On this occasion she was well supplied with her favourite tipple, and in consequence not only enjoyed herself much, but was the cause of enjoyment to Barney and my stepfather, who laughed loud and long at her coarse stories and uncouth doggerels. At last, however, having tasted freely, she became familiar, then vituperative, and lastly so offensive that my mother, dreading a row, begged she would retire, a hint that the old lady seemed to be disposed to take, for she at once retreated towards the door, as if for the purpose. Ere she could lift the latch, however, her exit was arrested by my stepfather, who rudely cried after her, " Come back, you withered harridan, and give us your benison before you go I" **Gi'e ye my benison !" screeched Girzie, turning round, and extending her withered hand, on receiving this brutal THE beggar's BENISON. 19 command, while her rheumy eyes flashed indignantly, " Gi'e ye my benison ! — gi'e ye my ciirse, rather, ye unblushing blackguards : but whilk I scarcely require to do, for the gallows is stamped on your very foreheads, and will be your fe,te, without the necessity of interference on my part !" " You infernal hag !" bellowed my stepfather, on hearing this pleasant intimation, which a sort of accepted faith in . Girzie's powers amongst the neighbours almost made him beKeve might be verified ; " And is this the way you repay me for the ch'ink you have got 1 — but take that, at all events, with my benison !" As he said this, he hurled at her the cutty stool my mother had been sitting upon — and which, if it had hit her on a \'ital pai-t, would possibly have ended her days, as well as her prophesying. Luckily, however, it struck the wall instead, and, rolling backwards to where Sissy and I were, slightly grazed my bare leg, making the blood to flow, while I, fearing that the wound was something deadly, yelled out in concert with Sissy, who was likewise alarmed on my account. *' See what ye have done ! " cried Gii'zie, on observing the accident. " Ye have attempted to kill me, but instead, ye have struck the poor innocent laddie ! Oh, for shame, man, to be so cruel to a helpless and defenceless bairn !" This additional provocation on the part of Girzie did not tend to the pacification of my stepfather's ire, but, on the contrary, increased it ; for he now seemingly became des- perate, and grasped at every loose article about, no doubt with the intention of further assailing the old woman, but Barney at last interfered. " Leave the old toothless beldam," he cried, " to bark as she likes; for it's but wind, and won't break any bones. Besides, she's a woman — and an ould one — and, therefore, not worth your while to dirty your hands upon !" Thus appealed to, my stepfather became more moderate, though still remaining sulky, and retreated to the fireside, where he squatted himself down, and, taking out his cutty pipe, lighted it, and commenced to smoke ; while Barney, thus so far successful in his efforts to renew peace, filled up a glass with whisky to the brim, and, approaching Grizie, thus flatteringly addressed her : — " Come, ye ould limb of 20 THE beggar's benison. Satan, we've had enough of this, so have done with it, and, instead, drink doch-an-dorich, as our Highland neighbours say. As for benisons or prophesies either, keep them to yourself, unless so be you give them to the poor childer, who have done you no harm ! " " Ah ! the dear bairns," cried Girzie, after she had drained the glass to the bottom, and smacked her wrinkled lips, seemingly now better pleased than she had been ; " to gi'e them my benison, sic as it is, will indeed be a pleasure." " Come here, my bonnie man," she went on to say, while beckoning me to approach, and which I did with fear and trembling, " let me peer into your winsome face, and peep into your glittering een, to see if there's ony good to come out o' them. As sure as I'm a sinner," she continued, after gazing at me for a miuute or so, " as sure as I'm a sinner, but not a witch, there's something in this chap's face that bodes luck and a blessing to boot. As to what their extent will be, however, I canna' weel say: there is great mystery and dimness in the promise, but stUl it is a promise, and that is much. A blessing gang wi' ye, then, my darling hinny ! May your outgangings and your incomings be blessed ! May your entire career be blessed ! May your fortune be blessed ! May you cock your noddle vd' the best in the land ! And that is the benison o' Girzie Galbraith, let them gainsay it wha can ! " A hearty cheer on the part of Barney and my mother, and even on that of my stepfather, saluted Gii'zie as she brought her benison to a close ; while my mother, as a reward for the favour, again filled up the glass and presented it to her, at the same time asking her to say a good word for little Sissy, if it was in her power. "Alack! alack! I can scarcely do that," replied Gii'zie, after she had peered into Sissy's face in a similar manner to what she had done in mine, *' for things look unco' bleak and unpromising here. She is too good, and too kind- hearted — too trusting to others, and too fond to assist others; and, therefore, too uncareful o' her o^vn interest to get through the warld without suffering the warld's ingi'atitude and tyranny : at least, sae I read in that bonnie saft e'e o' her ain. This bairn, therefore, I fear, mil come through many hardships; but whether wi' luck at last on her side or THE BEGGAR'S BENISOX. 21 not, it is impossible for me to say. She winna want my benison, however, poor thing, and therefore blessed may she be, though a' the thorns o' the world should encompass her about, and even be fired for her destnic- tion. May she come out of these even as Shedrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out of the fiery furnace that had been seven times heated, and may prosperity ulti- mately attend her and her latest posterity!" As the old dame said this, she kindly clapped Sissy and me on the head with her withered hand, bestowed a fi-iendly nod upon my mother and Barney, and a look of contempt upon my stepfather, and after drinking off the whisky which my mother had presented to her, and which she had left standing on tlie table till now, she turned on her heel and left the apartment. The evening of this eventful day at length came round, and Sissy and I again took possession of our den, where we very soon fell into a sound repose. How long it lasted, I know not. But this I remember, that out of it we were aroused by a racket and noise that still ring in my ears when I think of it. On opening my eyes, and starting up, the scene which I beheld was most appalling. I saw bright flashing lights, like the staring eye- balls of demons, though the demons themselves remained in the shade, while threatening, warning, cursing, and swearing. I heard likewise sobbing, screaming, shouts of defiance, and ^vild imprecations enough to have disturbed the whole build- ing from top to bottom. At last, after rubbing my eyes, I began to observe more plainly. On the floor my mother was on her knees with her hands clasped, while in their shirts, and beyond the table, stood Barney and my step- father, the one brandishing a stave, and the other a knife and the cutty stool, which they had seemingly respectively snatched up in the hurry of the moment, for the door had been broken open, and four or five men were rushing in, 22 THE beggar's benison. holding batons and hand lanterns, from the bright balls of which streamed vivid rays of light, which played upon the figures and features of the two housebreakers, without eluci- dating fully who the intruders were themselves. That, however, was a mystery soon solved. They were policemen come to arrest my stepfather, Barney, and my mother, on the charge . of having committed, twenty-four hours previously, a daring burglary. At first the two housebreakers evinced a disposition to show fight, but a short parley convinced them that such would be a hopeless matter; the policemen, it turned out, being backed by others, amongst whom were several night watchmen, whose strong oaken staves were perfectly irre- sistible. To make a long story short, Barney, my mother, and stepfather, having hurriedly slipped on their clothing, were immediately handcuffed and marched off to jail. The apart- THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. 23 ment was taken possession of by the officers, who set a double watch upon it; while I and my helpless sister had the option left to us, of shifting for ourselves on the street, or taking up our lodging in the police office. We preferred the fonner ordeal, the police office having no charms for us ; and accordingly, ill-clad, shivering, and miser- able, we prepared to descend the cork-screw staircase. A neighbour, however, seeing our pitiful state, had commiser- ation upon us — for even such virtues are not absent in the Goosedubbs — and generously offered us shelter for the remainder of the night, though in administering such an act of hospitality, he seriously put himself about; his single apartment being already much more crowded than even ours had been. CHAPTER III. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Oh ! Goosedubbs bairns, why will ye strive To crib from interlopers? For often 'tis your wretched fate To get more kicks than coppers ! The Goosedubbs Poet. It used always to be considered, in Glasgow, in the olden time — that is, if the comparatively recent period, with which this narrative is connected, may be allowed to be denomi- nated the olden time — a great and exciting event amongst the people, the visit of the Judges, or, as they were, and probably still are called, the Lords, on the occasion of their holding the Criminal Assizes in that city. Months before the arrival of this event, its features would be talked of, and speculated upon, and wondered at, and gossiped about, with the greatest interest, not only within the jail by those who were to stand their trials — on the issue of which so much connected with their future fates depended — but without the jail, by those who were to be witnesses on the occasion, or who stood in the position of friends or relatives to the criminals ; while thousands who were not even acquaintances of these unfortunates, nor in any way connected with them, nor likely to be affected by their trials, were likewise as much concerned regarding them as if the cases had been their own, so extensive is the sympathy of the human race towards each other ; or, rather, so intense is that morbid feeling of the mass which takes a delight in viewing its individual fellow-creatures, while the THE beggar's bexison. 25 latter are suffering the tortures of anxiety, dread, misgiving of spirit, or tribulation of mind. But perhaps it is not sui-prising that criminal trials should then have formed such engrossing subjects for wonder and anticipation ; for in those days, seldom — indeed, never — did such take place without an all-absorbing case coming on the tapis, when not only liberty, but life itself depended on the issue. At that period, too, criminal jurisprudence was administered in a yery severe and incle- ment spirit : indeed, it might be almost said, with a vin- dictiye and capricious animus on the part of the judge and the pubUc prosecutor, but especially the former ; so that, connected with a trial, say for housebreaking, highway robbery, or forgery, it became a fair subject of speculation, in calculating the chances of the criminal, who was likely to be the presiding justiciary lord on the occasion. A story to this day is extant, that at one of these assizes a couple of prisoners were to be tried for some crime or other, then capital, and that on issuing fi'om the trap stair which .MMM.K led from the cells, direct to the bar of the Court, the fii-st that had entered immediately turned round, and cried down to his companion in guilt, who was still ascending, " Oh, Johny, it's all up with us, for Bile (meaning Boyle, a Lord Justice-Clerk of rather severe character) is himsel' on the bench ! " 26 THE beggar's benison. And sooth to say, in those days, such men as " Bile " had great field for exercising their remorseless predelictions if they were so disposed ; for every second or third case that came before their lordships was, according to the statute, a capital one, and a verdict of guilty connected therewith tantamount to death ; in short, such crimes as forgery, sheep- stealing, passing of forged notes, utterance of base coin, housebreaking, highway robbery, and so on, which, at the present time would be visited by a sentence of a couple of years' penal servitude, ended in condemnation to death ; and it was seldom that they were commuted upon an appeal being made to the Crown ; perhaps because the people then were not so prone to petition in favour of criminals as at present; perhaps because the judges were not inclined to lean to the side of humanity and mercy, upon the matter being referred to their opinion, as always was the case if the condemned were " recommended to mercy " by the jury, and so the poor wretches swung for their crimes. No doubt reprieves were granted occasionally ; probably from the culprits having had friends who could work politically upon the Ministry of the day in their favour ; for then the mere possession of an electoral vote in a county or a close borough could do wonders ; but when they did take place, due effect in administering the merciful grants was studied. It often happened that a reprieve was only pro- duced when the rope was about the neck of the criminal, and when the crowd were looking on, and expecting the wretch to be launched into eternity ; such an eleventh hour procedure being intended, however, to awe the spectators still more than if the execution had actually taken place. It may be guessed, from these little facts, to what an extent the approaching assizes, that were to decide the fate of my stepfather, my mother, and their companion in iniquity, Barney, interested me ; for, as to poor Sissy, her infantile mind could scarcely even comprehend their meaning. It appeared as though they formed a theme for every person's conversation. In the hospitable though crowded den, in which we still found shelter for the night — sleeping now before the fire, now under a bed containing half-a-dozen miserable individuals like oui'selves, now on a table, now THE beggar's BENISON. 27 below a table, and now forced out of the room altogether, and into a passage, from sheer want of space, and there sitting all night perhaps on an empty box — nothing else was talked of; and openly, before our very faces, we heard the cases of our friends debated, and even decided, in the coolest manner possible. It was almost a mock trial, for we had the evidence of the wit- nesses stated. We had the speeches of the counsel re- hearsed. We had the law laid down. "We had the charge of the judge delivered. We had the verdict of the juiy declared. We had even the final proceedings discussed; while the gossips around specu- lated as to the number that would dangle on ropes alongside of each other, like herrings strung up in the sun to dry.* Three individuals who were to figure in this fearful ordeal, it may be stated, were already made sure of! It may be fancied to what an extent the moral feelings of such poor outcasts as Sissy and myself became influenced, for the worst results, by such corrupt convei-sation. Indepen- dently even of these, we were at the time existing on the produce of crimes of our own committing; for, in order to contribute our share to the sustenance of the little common- wealth of corruption in which we found a temporary habita- tion, we were expected to bring in something from the streets, whether we obtained that by stealing or by begging. To procure supplies by the former method was indeed comparatively easy — much more so at all events than by the latter method ; and for this simple reason, that our insigni- ficant appearance allayed suspicion, and our ragged clothing readily allowed us to conceal spoil in its tattered folds when * To go back a little farther, it is appalling to read -what used to take place in London, as may be judged by the following excerpt from " BosweU's Life of John- son : "— ' ' On Wednesday, June 23d, 1784, I visited him (Dr. Johnson) in the morning, after having been present at the shocking sight of fifteen men executed before Newgate." 28 THE beggar's BENISON. we cribbed, while neither seemed to excite pity, or to attract charity, when we begged. I am reminded by the revival of these particulars, how- ever, of a very satisfactory — it might even be called an anomalous — circumstance that took phice at this very time, from the exercise on my part of my thieving and begging talents, and which I will not apologise for stating, for the simple reason that its effect had a considerable bearance on my subsequent career. Sissy and I had followed an elderly gentleman for some time one day, who was taking his constitutional stroll after dinner amongst the then shady walks of the Green of Glasgow — for the trees of that verdant and pastoral locality had not as yet begun to fade, nor what, now, presents the blackened skeleton of a forest in the shape of bare stems and rotten branches, lost the characteristics of a succession of groves — with the view of making him a victim to the extent of a pocket handkerchief or a pair of gloves. The sexagenarian had repelled our begging solicitations in the most decided manner repeatedly, notwithstanding the per- severance with which we trotted after him, the one on his right side and the other on his left, while we dolorously and monotonously kept singing out " spare a bawbee to two poor children who are starving, our mother and father being in jail," or words to that effect. During this process, which evidently promised to have no effect, the worthy gentle- man no doubt being totally incredulous as to our state- ment, I had remarked the corner of his silk pocket handkerchief peeping from his pocket, and had resolved accordingly to ease him of it. Seizing a favourable oppor- tunity as his head was turn- ed towards Sissy, I therefore caught its corner with the tips of my finger and thumb, and slackening my pace, THE beggar's benisox. 29 allowed him to walk from it, his own locomotion exercis- ing the very force that drew it from his pocket. This dodge had been eminently successful many a time before, but on this occasion it was not so ; for, feeling some surprise no doubt at the sudden cessation of my importunities, he tui'ned round and perceived the shining pattern of his "wipe," as it vanished beneath the drapery of my ragged jacket. His first impulse on making this discoveiy, after seizing me by the breast of my ragged clothing, was seemingly to give me in charge to a policeman, but luckily for me there was no one in view. His second was evidently to iu- flict corporal punishment^ for which purpose he raised his gold-headed ratan high above his head, while I, dreading the descending effects thereof, held up my hands and screamed for mercy, while Sissy dropped on her knees and joined in the supplication. My frush habiliments, however, whether he was serious or not, saved me from what I dreaded, for they gave way in his grasp, and I getting thus fi'ee, rolled over and over on the green sward, during which process my " duds " flew open, exposing my naked skin, as a lot of raw potatoes, a cabbage leaf or two, and a hard and mumbled crust of bread which I had picked up on the streets previously, and concealed about my person, were scattered around. The gentleman then walked away, seemingly satisfied with the fright he had given us. I know not, however, what good angel intei^posed to alter his feelings in our behalf ; but certain it is, that a very great change e\ddently came over them all of a sudden. It may be that \\T.th him it was, as often is the case with passionate men, that his anger was immediately followed by a gush of benevolence, or, as I think, having been convinced of our great poverty, by the exposition of our rags and nakedness, as w^ell as the sliifts we were put to, in order actually to feed ourselves, by picking 30 THE beggar's benison. up the very garbage off the streets ; and, contrasting these touching facts with his own comfortable state, that a sentiment of pity had begun to pervade his breast, and dispose him to regret his severity. But this I do know, that shortly after- wards he turned round, and again advancing towards us, he addressed us with the soothing voice of Christian kindness and subduing pity. " Poor boy," he said, " I am sorry that I have so far forgotten myself as to threaten to strike you, and tear your clothing, particularly as I do believe that your necessities have driven you to commit tliis crime. I there- fore have to express my regret for what has happened, and will be glad to learn how I can relieve your distress in even something more than a temporary way." I can give no idea how such expressions affected me, and likewise poor Sissy, who felt as much amazed as myself at being so strangely addressed — we, who had scarcely ever heard the tones of civility, let alone those of kindness and sympathy ! Our very hearts rose to our throats, while the tears gushed from our eyes. Before, we had cried as if from the fear of pain ; now, we sobbed from the real anguish of remorse. In that sacred half minute of our eventful, though worthless and sinful lives, more had been done to instruct us in correct principles, and divert us towards a better aim, than all the frights and cautions we had before got from policemen and thief-catchers. Oh ! that it had been our fate that a continuation of such benevolences should have attended our dangerous career, instead of being only a little passing incident, like an illuminating spark that for an in- stant lights up the gloom of night, and then leaves us in denser darkness than before ! When my feelings allowed me to speak, I sincerely nar- rated to the old gentleman all about our position, and that of those who were connected with us ; and the simple story seemed to affect him very much, for he had heard of the burglary with which the trio were concerned — it being the prime case of the forthcoming assizes — and of the imminent danger in which the accused stood. **What!" he ex- claimed, " so young, and yet so innured to vice and degrada- tion. So helpless, too, and yet cast upon your own resources to gain a livelihood. Alas ! alas ! that such a state of things should exist amongst a community calling itself Christian ! " THE beggar's BENISON. 31 Excellent old gentleman ! a thousand thouglits seemed to work upon him, for he was evidently a philanthropist. His seeming inclination was to administer curatively towards us, but we formed only an atom of an immensity, and what could he do 1 He gave us a silver shining half-crown, with many an advice to take care of it and not squander it, not because he valued it in the slightest degree, but that he probably had misgivings as to its really doing us good, return- ing as he knew we must, to the herd we required to as- sociate with, and that there- fore it might get us into further complication of sin, instead of administering to our relief. He then made a memo- randum of a few particulars as to our habitation, with the view of afterwards ferreting us out, in a charitable spirit, for to say that he took our "address" would be using words in a farcical sense — the address of the Rook- ery ! — and then pai-ted with us with many a sigh, and perhaps a tear. Taking Sissy's hand, I hurried towards home, if home it might be called, for the shades of a spring evening were now set- ting down fast. Often and often I took out the half-crown to look at it, from the little dirty bag which hung from ray neck, and located in my bare bosom, for such pockets as I had were so full of holes, that 32 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. coin of any kind would have soon dropped through them, and my mother had made this little pouch to hold any ''bawbees" that I might pick up. The half-crown, indeed, had made me feel myself to be the richest man in the world, and I thought it could never go done. So de- lighted was I in the possession of this treasure, that I remember I associated the happy circumstance with the sounding of the City bells, which, on this evening, at that particular moment, had all been set a-ringing. I have never heard public bells ring since, without being reminded of that half-crown, and of that felicitous moment. And but a moment, though a happy one, it was destined to prove; for on entering our hovel, which was filled to over- crowding with gossips, who were collected to dilate on a great event just taking place, I was immediately denuded of it for the purpose of its being converted into wlusky. That event was nothing less than the entry of the Judges into Glasgow that afternoon, for the purpose of commencing the assizes on the morrow, and the ringing of the bells was the usual compliment paid to these magnates by the Lord Provost and Magistrates, who I learned had gone to meet them on their road from Edinburgh, and to accompany them with all due honours to their hotel. CHAPTER IV. INTRODUCTOKY DOGGERELS. 'Twas very well, in ancient days, For judges to look big, And dress, to please the populace, In ermine-robe and wig. But now, a judge rigg'd so, and marched Midst din of drum and fife, Appears, at best, a stiff, and starched. And most absurd auld wife I The Goosedubbs Poet. Next morning, as early as eight o'clock, the city bells were all set a-ringing again, in honour of the Lords, who had passed the night at theii' hotel in Glasgow, after partaking of a late dinner, at which the Lord Provost and Magistrates of the city, along with a number of the principal gentry, and aiistocracy, resident in the neighboui'hood, had had the honour of being present. It was said that the party had been a jolly one ; for in those days the Judges, when on cii'cuit, enjoyed themselves to the fullest extent, and, though duly maintaining their dignity, as the wine circulated round the board, got mellow, if not drunk, before going to bed. Many good stories are told regarding these con\d\'ial meet- ings, and how it was particularly observed that the happiest occasions of the kind were always after a brace or more of felons had been condemned to be hung. Upon these particulars, however, I will not enter ; it being sufficient to say that, notwithstanding their high office, D 34 THE beggar's BENISON. their haughty deportment, and their awe-inspiring appear- ance, the Lords were just like other erring mortals, and on those occasions only defen-ed to the customs and fashions of the day — a system which, no doubt, will continue to be observed by their successors, as long as the British Constitu- tion lasts, though habits and manners should change and become modified with the times, to an extent sufficient to please even the vegetarians and the teetotalers themselves. Next morning, as I have said, the bells were all set a-ringing, and continued till the Judges had breakfasted, having for their guests the Crown Counsel, the ordinary Counsel, the Clerks of Court, and, in a word, all the functionaries that constitute a Justiciary Court, including one of the town ministers, who, on such occasions, says grace, and afterwards opens the judicial proceedings with a prayer in Court, while all look as grave and solemn as though not one of them had perpetrated a joke or hiccupped a cheer the night before, or could be enduring a headache at that present moment. Shortly after nine o'clock, accordingly, there might have been seen a procession of carriages — as well as officials walk- ing — proceeding from the hotel, and along the principal street, and then down the Saltmarket, towards the Court Hall, the streets, as the procession advanced, being crowded with the vulgar, and the windows of the houses crammed by more respectable, or, at all events, more genteel and exclusive, lookers-on. First, there came a lot of awkward- looking halberdiers, constituting the "City Guard," or, as the vulgar deno- minated them, "pikemen," dressed in ill-fitting red uniforms, and cari7ing the insti-uments from which they derived their name, the same being something like a cross betwixt a hatchet and a Lochaber axe. Then, there marched betwixt two """""" -'""^ town's officers the Lord Provost, dressed in full court costume, with bag-wig, and sword, the latter occasionally getting betwixt his worshipful legs, and almost THE BEGGARS BEXISOX. 35 tripping him up on liis o^^m muddy '' crown of the cause- way," till he was forced to carry it in his hand. Then paraded the Bailies, with cocked hats, and the Council, with round hats, all looking very grave, and occasionally peeping up at a ^vindow here and there — their own honest shoemakiug or tailoiing shops being on the flat below — where stood, in full blaze and pride of position, while rustling in silks, and satins, and ribbons, their fat wives or their buxom daughters, or both. Then there came a nimiber of carriages, containing Counsel, all dressed in gowns and wigs, some of these being old and some young, the former chattering to each other, and the latter simpering at, and oggling the young ladies who stood at the windows. Then followed additional carriages containing the Macei-s, the Criers, and the Clerks of Court, big -^ith the importance that pertained to their offices. ilSText marched half-a-dozen odd-looking men, with opera cocked hats, and seedy uni- forms, who blew — screechingly — brass horns, and trumpets, which produced a description of music more calculated to shock than to soothe the ears of the community. The last-mentioned formed the private band, so to fpeak, of the Judges, and immediately preceded their Lordships, who occupied a carriage drawn by six horses. These latter important personages were dressed in large flo^ving powdered wigs, and ermine robes trinmied with 36 THE BEGGARS BENISON. scarlet silk, and wore huge golden "spectacles on nose," looking, by all the world, like a couple of aristocratic elderly ladies out upon an airing, while receiving the cheering, if not the sneering, of the populace, and particularly of the little boys who, where they could manage it, climbed lamp- posts, the better to see them. Following their Lordships was a large corps of policemen, under the command of their captain, who brought up the rear. Aiid thus the important and awe-inspiring procession of the Judges was formed. Poor Sissy and I saw this grand cavalcade as it passed along, from the corner of a street, and were duly impressed with its appearance, not only as a portion of the populace, but as parties that had a considerable interest in what was about to take place connected with the eventful proceedings of the Court. To obtain admittance to that Court was for us, of course, totally out of the question; for although, in keeping with the spirit of the Constitution, it was understood to be a per- fectly free and open Court, to which all who presented themselves at its doors were admissible. .'ao:ored and yet so ...^^. mean — not to say insignificant — in appearance were we, that we were not even allowed to get near the iron gate, where stood the stern Cerberus and his myrmidons, who seemingly only opened it to those who wore cocked hats, and who were duly honoured in conse- quence by a touch of his hat, as they passed inwards. Sissy and I accordingly only hovered around the out- skii'ts of the crowd that beset the gate, and who, like our- selves, were there to learn what was going on within, from any chance person of a communicative appearance, who might come out. I remember with what earnestness such individuals ran ** >* uvi n drop to drink . In course of time, however, he went on to tell us, the ship broke up, and that setting her cargo adrift, some of which reached the shores of the island, their wants, to some extent, were thereby relieved. First, a quarter cask of wine reached the beach, but which they scarcely dared to put to theii' lips, as it tasted, in their 84 THE beggar's benison. then state, like molten lead. Then a hogshead of porter came, which suited better, tlioiigh still to their palates fiery and unsatisfactory. Then bumped ashore a barrel of salt pork, but that was as bad in another way. Everything, in a word, was short of what they craved, namely, the simplest and the best, the real elixir vitcB, the wine' of nature — pure water. At last a harbinger of promise reached them. It was a tin case containing superior biscuit, which being hermetically sealed, floated safely to shore witliout being damaged. This was succeeded by a half puncheon of water, which they pulled on shore with cheers, and which they economised as the greatest luxury that could have been granted to them by a merciful Providence. It was indeed what sa,ved them; having been the means of protracting their lives till a ship passed near, which they boarded with tlie jolly boat, and thus got away from the desert island. The ship, nevertheless, was bound for a distant port situ- ated in the very antijDodes of this country, but here they found vessels homeward bound, in one of which he engaged as a hand, and expected to have reached home in her after an absence not exceeding two years and a-half from his time of leaving, but, unluckily, on reaching the Chops of the Channel, he was impressed by a King's ship and taken out of her — this country being at war with another state at the time, and which circumstance justified, or at all events legalised — the cruel and harsh measure. He was now put on board of a man-of-war as an able- bodied seaman, but though shipped against his will and in- clination, he was expected to serve the King with as much fidelity and loyalty as though he had volunteered to do so. And so he was heartily disposed to do, he said, but for one drawback. The captain of the ship was a severe and haughty martinet, who was ever grumbling at his officers and tyran- nising over his men, whom he seemed more inclined to look upon as slaves than fellow-subjects. He was ever punishing them one way or other, now overworking them capriciously and needlessly ; now stopping their grog ; and now ordering them to be lashed, mast-headed, or ropes-ended, as it suited his revenofe or his whims. THE BEGGARS BENISON. 85 This state of things he determined not to submit to, seeing that the miserable position in which he was placed was none of his own choosing. He accordingly took the first opportunity that presented itself, on the occasion of the ship putting into a neutral port, of deserting, by seizing the lucky chance of get- ting ashore one dark night in a little boat, rowed by an old man who sold milk to ships in port; and after skulk- ing about till the man-of-war had put to sea, was forced, in order to save himself from starving, to accept an en- gagement in an American vessel, in which he sailed to the Pacific ocean, where the ship was detained for upwards of two years trading from one port to another, principally engaged in the hide trade. At last the American ship returned to her own country, when he again shipped in British employment, and visited a great variety of places throughout the globe; one peculiar circumstance and another always happening to prevent his getting an opportunity to return home. This in course of time, however, presented itself, and to make a long yarn short, as he said, he did get home, with a good round comfortable sum of money in his possession, a well-packed kit, and the paiTot or cockatoo, and the monkey to the bargain; the former, which spoke well, although it had a bad habit of swearing, which it had acquired amongst the sailors, being intended as a companion to his worthy widowed sister; and the latter, which had learned a number of tricks on board ship, such as dancing, playing at quarter- staff, smoking a pipe, and so on, as a pet for me, and which in reality he soon became with all the youngsters of the locality, in consequence of his queer resemblance to human- ity, I having subsequently dressed him in some of my old clothing, which I got made down as a jacket and trowsers for him. "And what a singular circumstance it was," my father remarked, "that the first meeting of myself, tlie cockatoo, and the monkey, with my own son, should have been on a 86 THE beggar's benison. tree, at the execution of two rascals, which I witnessed by the merest chance, in consequence of laying my course for home through the Green, in front of whicli they met their fate. Little did we suppose, when perched up there, that we were so closely related as father and son!" Less, however, did the honest tar suppose, at the same time, that another description of relationship existed betwixt the sufferers on the drop, and the spectators on the tree, almost too hon^ible for contemplation, and certainly too dangerous for revelation 1 CHAPTER X. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. All despots play the tyrant's part — Tis one of ^S'ature's laws — rhus, pedagoffaes make children smart By dint of birch or tawse. But tyranny, like other things, Is often urged too far — ■ Then, pedagogues, like common kings, Must face rebellious war ! The Goosedubbs Poet The old sailor, having now safely cast anchor in our humble dwelling, or as he himself expressed it, *' having moored him- self stem and stem in the haven of home," began to think of making aiTangements for the proper economy of his household and the welfare of his family — both of which he was well en- titled to do, in consequence of the wealth he had brought with him, and which, although by people in a gi-eat way, might have been thought little, was by us, in our small way, thought muck " It will sei-ve," he said, " to keep me six months at least ashore, and when I do require again to go to sea, will enable me to leave you something to keep the ^ailtures from your bones while I am away, and which, I promise, won't be for such a length of time as before, if I can help it." He accordingly laid out a small «um in extra furniture, which made our little bield quiet a miniature palace in our estimation, and after rewarding his sister for what she had humanly given to us previously to his arrival, appropriated the balance as a subsidy to my mother's honest endeavours to 88 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. labour, in addition to any little thing he might do himself towards the support of his family. He likewise resolved that I should have some education, for as he said, " a man without learning is like a ship with- out a compass, and is liable in consequence to get into all sorts of difficulties and dangers, without the means of knowing how to steer out of them again !" "Aye, aye," he would continue, "it's myself that knows what the want of learning is, for although I have served as man and boy nearly forty years on board ship, and can hand- reef and steer as well as any fellow afloat, yet in consequence of not having been able to pick up a little education, I am but a poor Jack before the mast after all, and subject to be commanded by any lubber that can calculate a little, and cock his eye at the sun through a sextant, and tell the latitude with the aid of a chronometer and a nautical almanac, although in a gale of wind he perhaps could neither go aloft, nor take a spell at the wheel, or say what should be done, so well as I can !" He accordingly fixed that, in the meantime, I should cease to take regular work at any of the farms, as before, in the neighbourhood, and instead thereof, that I should attend a school close by, where one Dominie Lickladdie undertook to teach reading, writing, English gi^ammar, Latin, mathe- matics, arithmetic, geography, and the use of the globes, with a long list of minor instructions to boot, as the pupils went along in their course of enlightenment. This learned pedagogue was celebrated for his accomplish- ments in the instruction of youth, and particularly for the manner with which he enforced his system, that being prin- cipally done by a free use of the tawse — a celebrated Scot- tish implement at that time, freely used in schools north of the Tweed — and which was understood to be the means of persuading idle pupils to be attentive and diligent at their lessons, when all others had failed. This little instrument, the use of which is now almost abolished, even in Scotland, where at one time it was uni- versal, and is su])posed to have been the cause of Scotsmen being so celebrated throughout tlis world for their learning and attainments, although Burns gives a different reason why they should be " loved at home, revered abroad," may possibly THE beggar's bexison. 89 have been introduced by the Eomans, its name being of Latin derivation. I had heard of its merits from other boys, who attended Dominie Lickladdie's school, before I saw it, and, according to their report, these were strik- ingly peculiar. It was, to quote their graphic description, "awfu' nippy" when applied to the open hand in the shape of "palmies," "unco nippy" when dorsally exercised betwixt the shoulders, and " infernally nippy" when funda- mentally bestowed. In all these various manipulations, the dominie was known as being expert, and in order to ob- tain the fullest results from the use of said tawse, it was understood he had burnt the tips of its leather thongs, so that it not only cracked like a whip, but "took out the bits," on occasions when the dominie was in a rage. I shall never forget the palpitations of my heart and the misgivings of my mind, when I accompanied my father on the eventful morning upon which I was to be introduced to the seminary of Dominie Lickladdie, by the worthy tar. The establishment was situated at one end of a thatched house — the other portion being devoted to the dwelling of the dominie and his family — and consisted of a single room, very low in the roof, to give ventilation to which, the weather being warm at the time, the upper sashes of the window had been lowered completely. The consequence of this lowering was that, long before we arrived at the portal, we heard the mur- muring of the " baii'ns " as they conned over their lessons, occasionally varied by the voice of the pedagogue as he bawled out an order or a word, or by his violence, as he brought down the tawse with a thud^ either on the desk before him, as a warning to all aroimd, or on the person of some un- lucky urchin, as an individual punishment. The buzzing sound was not unlike that which proceeds from a hive of bees on a warm summer day, and as if to complete the resemblance, occasionally a hoy would issue from the door of the establishment and another would vanish within it, even as bees do when in the full operation of honey making. 90 THE beggar's benison. Into the midst of this apiary my father, lifting the door- latch and followed closely by me, boldly entered, when in a moment all became silent, every eye in the apartment at the same time being directed upon the strangers. The room contained from fifty to sixty children of both sexes, the girls being placed on one side, and the boys on the other, for the purpose of conning their lessons, although they came together when they stood up to be exercised in the order of classes. All, with the exception of one class, which was standing opposite the dominie at the time, occupied seats having desks before them, on which lay the books tbey were studying, or rather supposed to be studying; for, in truth, the greater portion of this fry, though kce])ing up a sing-song murmur- ing and a movement of their li])s, were generally engaged with their hands and attentions otherwise — some in counting their marbles; some in nicking with their knives the desk they leant on, or the form they sat on; some contemplating their peevies and tops; some in pencilling the boards of their books with vain attempts at likenesses of their instructor, but which only formed laughable caricatures; and some in annoying their neighbours, by pinching them, or rugging their hair, or thrusting pins — commonly called "preens" — into their persons, especially if the sufferers were actually disqased to be attentive to their lessons, and anxious to master them. All this, as has been stated, was silenced on our entry, while the schoolmaster who, at one and the same moment, had been engaged in instructing a little girl, who stood within his knees, in her ABC, and hearkening to the class before him, while repeating their lessons, as well as occasion- ally casting a severe though furtive glance around on all, arose from his seat, and advanced towards us, pocketing hastily, at the same time, the awful tawse, which ominously, as it were, I had got my eye upon. The pedagogue was a man of middle age, lank and wiry in his person, and of a severe cast of countenance, which was not improved by tlie style in which he dressed his hair, it being of a mouse brown colour, with a sprinkling of grey in it, and so arranged as to resemble a bob-wig, while what grew behind was carefully tied in the shape of a longish queue, which hung down his back. THE BEGGAES BEXISOX. 91 It was said, however, that at one time he had looked much better, in consequence of his head-gear being all covered with flour, but which fashion had almost then been driven out by the country, by the imposition of the tax upon hair-powder, the dominie amongst others, finding the indulgence therein rather severe upon his straightened finances to be continued. " I have come," said my father, taking speech in hand, as the schoolmaster approached, bowing, '' to place a yoimg fellow under your charge, and one whom I hope you will be able to knock some learn- ing into, being mightily deficient in that same myself, although pretty well up to the pricking of a chart, and the lay- ing off of a course by compass, par- ticularly if I have a proper landmark or headland, well laid down, to make a good departure from." " I have no doubt whatever," answered the dominie, as he assumed one of his blandest smiles, and to do the body justice he could smile when he liked, although there was an impression in the school that when he did so, it was only as a preface to even greater severity than ordinaiy, like a beam of sunshine before a squall, " I have no doubt but we will make a scholar of him." And here he patted me on the head, and clapped me on the back with a seeming kindness which almost belied the character I had heard of him, while all the boys around clapped their hands and shouted lustily, in the midst of which my father retreated towards the door for the purpose of tak- ing his departure, under the impression that the same exuberant noise was meant as an expression of respect to- wards himself, and welcome to me, on becoming a fellow- labourer in the same vineyard of study. 92 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. Its cause, however, proceeded from quite a different motive, as was soon made apparent; for, immediately after the tar had closed the door behind him, and silence had again commenced its sway, a big boy arose from a back bench, and directing his attention to the master, exclaimed " Out a wee ! out a wee !" To this appeal, which was all mystery to me, but which I afterwards learnt meant that he wished to get out for a short time, the dominie gave a slight nod, whereupon the boy im- mediately went towards the door and vanished. In a few minutes after, the boy appeared again, followed by my father who, addressing the schoolmaster, begged that a half holiday should be given to the school in consequence of the accession that had just been made to its numbers, and which he understood was a customary thing on such an eventful occasion. The dominie at once graciously acceded to my father's request, and he thereupon took his final leave, while the building and the very ground beneath our feet shook with the plaudits that arose from the delighted youths who had thus gained, for the afternoon, emancipation from Avhat no doubt they considered the greatest evil that could afflict life — namely, the necessity of learning their lessons. Very possibly the schoolmaster was as well pleased as they were at the idea of the pro- mised relaxation from labour, but if so, he took his own way of concealing his joy; for, under the plea that too much applause and noise had been displayed, he cU'ew the long tawse from his pocket, and immediately commenced an attack upon his pupils, hitting one on the left side, another on the right, a third on the back, and so on, till he ended by calling up the big boy who had been the means of urging my father to make the agreeable demand ; and, ordering him to hold out his hand, he thereupon, with THE beggar's bexison. 93 the tawse at full swing, administered ten or a dozen "palmies." This was the first time I had ever seen the palmy tor- ture applied, although it had been descril^ed to me, and now, I was convinced, from the wincing which the big boy- displayed, that it was no small matter; for after every lick, the sufferer either blew uj)on his hand, or rubbed it on his thigh, or pushed it into his pocket, as though the palmies were somethiug precious, and not to be thrown away. Order and silence were at last restored, when the dominie, placing a small book in my hand, called the " wee spell," and which was filled with what appeared to me to be hieroglyphics, or something equally abstruse, ordered me to take a seat on a bench at some distance fi'om him and commence to study it. This I forthwith attempted to do, but it was all mystery to me, and in mv distress I applied for some explanation to the boy sitting next me, and who was keeping up a sing-song murmuring, while he jDlayed with a top in his hands. Immediately I was startled by something hitting me on the forehead, and then falling on the desk before me, and on looking up I discovered it to be my new acquaintance, the master's tawse, which had come spinning to me directly over the other boys' heads, having been skilfully ejected for that purpose by the master himself, who, in such operations, was an excellent marksman, no doubt from great experience in the art. Without considering the cause of this visitation, I lifted the tawse, and desiring that the dominie should not for a moment be deprived of the use of it (my first impression being that it had by chance come to my proximity), I threw it back to him, but with the most innocent and best in- tentions, hitting him a smart stroke with one of the roasted fangs on the eye, and which made him start so suddenly, that the very queue that hung at his back, flew up like the tail of a lion when roused to rage by an unexpected attack. And, indeed, the lion had been roused wdthin him, as I soon learned full well to my cost; for, rising from his tribunal, with fire and fury flashing in his gi'een eyes, he dealt me a lesson, which to this day I do not forget. He in short acted the part of a demon, laying on me at once, and 94 THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. hitting me without choice or consideration, now on the head, now on the legs, now on the back, now on the front, and proving by the pain he caused me that the tips of the tawse had been burnt to some purpose. He likewise kicked me mercilessly with his feet, and what it might have ended in I know not — probably a broken limb, or death itself- — but for a circumstance occurring which was both lucky and singular, so far as I was concerned. It consisted in the fact, that just at the moment of his greatest severity, he was seized from behind rudely by the queue, by some fierce and unknown hand, while another be- laboured him with a ruler, which had been snatched for the purpose from off a desk hard by, and which now played about his ears as severely as the tawse had done about mine only a moment before. This, of coiirse, diverted the schoolmaster's attention, and though in a maniacal state of irritation, made him instantly turn round, when he encountered a visage that he little expected to have met with in his own school. It was what must have appeared to him almost that of the devil himself, being no other than the hard-featured physiognomy of our old friend, Jaques, the monkey, who had come unexpectedly and „.bi!iiaK suddenly through one of the open windows, to the assistance of his young master, in the way de- scribed, and who was now every bit as exasj)erated at the dominie, as the dominie had been at me. The monkey's face was indeed a perfect picture of apish rage. Its eyes flashed fire. Its great square teeth chattered and grinned from ear to ear ; and its dilated nostrils vented something that appeared to be betwixt steam and hot water. The first idea of the pedagogue was evidently to defend himself by means of a retaliating stroke, but missing his THE beggar's benison. 95 mark, his fist came doxsTi with a thwack upon the desk, splitting the board, and shattering, into a thousand atoms, an ink bottle, which not only cat his fingers severely, but spattered up the ink upon liis face and sliiii:, so that he looked truly ghastly and begi'immecl At the same moment, the monkey, profiting by its advan- tage thus obtained, made a spring at his visage, and seizing him by the ears, bit his cheeks, and the point of his nose, so severely, that the dominie, in a perfect paroxysm of fear, actually turned tail, and fled towards the door, with the monkey in pursuit. Unluckily for him, however, in his havSte he overlooked a well-filled satchel of books which care- lessly lay on the floor, and which coming against his feet, he tripped, and came hea\T.ly to the ground, with the ape above him. The schoolmaster was now perfectly Jiors de combat, as the French say; or, in other words, beaten by the monkey, and there he lay on the floor, seemingly in a fit, while, instead of going to his assistance, the scholar around vented their delight in his discomfiture by shouting and clapping their hands to an extent that might have graced a nobler arena. As for the monkey, having accomplished what he no doubt deemed his duty, he coolly took his departure by the way he had entered, namely, the window, and vanished from the scene. It was now my turn again to feel nervous for what had occurred, and fearful visions of avengement on the paii; of the dominie, when he should recover from his prostration, therefore flitted through my misgi^ing imagination. I found myself, however, hnppily wrong in this anticipa- tion. The dominie, after lying a few minutes quiescent, regained the command of his senses, and of his tempoi^arily paralysed limbs, and rising fi'om the floor, at sight of which resuscitation all became silent and circumspect, so gi^eat was the dread entertained towards him on the part of the scholars, suddenly walked out of the school-room, leaving us filled with wonder and amazement. In a few minutes afterwards, the big boy that has already been alluded to, was summoned to his presence, and on his return he communicated the pleasing intelligence that there would be no more schooling that day. 96 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. Whereupon three hearty cheers having been given in honour of the auspicious event, the school, in great glee, dispersed. _. On arriving at home, after the dismissal of the school, I obtained an ex- planation of the monkey's violent interference on my behalf. It was simply this: — Jaques, up to this day, had been accustomed to roam, comparatively at large, and in consequence of the attention and kind- nesses he had received from me, was much attached to me. I had become, in short, his especial favourite. He would have followed me anywhere, and being an ape of more than usual intelligence — indeed, many thought, in consequence of the shrewdness he displayed, and the cleverness of his tricks, that he was endowed with reason — he was a sort of constant companion to me. On this day, however, it had been resolved by my father that he should be confined to home, and for this pur- pose he was incarcerated in an outhouse, and, in addition, chained to a ring by means of a tarry rope, which my father had worked round his loins, and to which the links of the chain were attached. Becoming, however, rather tired of the dull and gloomy position in which he was immured, and having nothing else to do, I suppose Jaques commenced to amuse himself by picking at the rope attached to his body, and soon unrove the strands thereof, which my father, with his marlinsj^ike, had firmly knitted into the heart of the rope, and in course of time worked his body loose. Being thus so f\\r free, he poked about his prison, and discovering an old chimney, it was the work of a moment for him to ascend to its top, where he found himself in daylight, and his person completely emancipated. Of course, what could he now do, under the circumstances, but endeavour to put himself in communication with me THE beggar's bexison. 97 again, and partly from instinct, and partly from perseverance, for he was seen visiting all my usual haunts and " howfs," as the Scottish expression has it, he soon accomplished his purpose. He had arrived at the school just at the moment when I was becoming initiated into the ordeal of the tawse, and finding plenty of open windows, through which my screams issued, he had lost no time in entering without ceremony, and effectually acting as my champion in the way described. Of course, in consequence of this feat, Jaques became a great and popular hero, not only in the eyes of the scholars of Dominie Lickladdie, who administered to him thereafter all sorts of luxurious gifts, from unripe apples and pears, up to sugar candy, but in those of the general denizens of the locality. So much, indeed, did his fame extend, that my father received numerous visits from naturalists and animal fanciers, who came to witness his tricks, as well as hand- some pecuniary offers from showmen and organ grinders, either to take him on hire for exhibition, or to purchase him outright. The worthy tar, however, was above taking money for what he considered not only an intellectual being, but a friend, and therefore refused all these tempting overtures ; at the same time, he was aware that Jaques was a dangerous connection ; for, not only did he attract loose characters about his dwelling, who might have stolen him, as well as other pro])erty, therefrom, but he was liable to divert me from my studies — an evil w^hich my father considered gi'eater than all. He therefore compromised matters, connected with Jaques' dignity of position as a member of the family, hy besto^ving him on the son of a wealthy and exclusive couple named Jackson, who lived hard by, on an estate which they had recently purchased, and who had expressed repeatedly a desire to become the custodiers of Jaques, whom they promised to treat indulgently and kindly. This family had been of considerable service to my mothei before ray father's arrival, having given her continuous em- ployment as a washerwoman, and for which the sailor felt gratitude. Of course, the loss of Jaques to me, as well as to my com- H 98 THE beggar's BENISON. panions at the school, was much felt; for, in case of Dominie Lickladdie again attacking any of us, where were we to find a champion to relieve us from his viciousness and rage? Luckily, however, such services were no louger likely to be required, a fact which we discovered on the very next day that we attended school; for, on again assembling, we found the schoolmaster had become a very much changed, and, indeed, reformed man. He came limping into the room, assisted by a staff, in consequence of a severe sprain which he had re- ceived in falling, and he had patches of gold-beat- er's skin on his cheeks, where the monkey had in- dented his teeth; while his riglit arm and hand, which so dexterously and fiercely had swayed the fearful tawse, were tied up in a sling, composed of his best Indian silk handkerchief, which he was in the habit of sporting upon the occa- sion of public examinations of the school, when tlie minister of the parish, and some of the gentry of the neighbourhood, were in the habit of attending. Dominie Lickladdie, from these misfortunes, was unable, physically, to be as severe as he had been. He likewise had been cowed by the fright he had got, and, in addition, it was said, had been crowed over by his wife, who had always told him that his severity would lead to the disor- ganisation of his school, and consequently to the misfortune of himself and his family. The dominie, from that day forth, became, as has been told, a wonderfully changed and improved man, his tawse were completely laid aside, and his system of teaching made to depend upon kindly admonition and advice, rather than upon cuffs, kicks, pulling of ears, rugging of hair, palmies, and other cruelties, that had formed the basis of his previous treatment. CHAPTER XI. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. That bairn hath perfect blessedness "Who getteth his free will To guzzle in a sweetie shop, And crunch, and cram his fill There, seated in a comer chair, He taketh his delight In sugar bools, and lemon drops. From moming tmtil night. ^Vho wouldn't thus be young again ? Who wouldn't be a boy ? Defying care, and toil, and pain. And revelling in joy ! Thi Goosedulbs Poet. I NOW studied pretty hard, and constantly, and indeed made considerable proficiency at Dominie Lickladdie's school, for which advantage, however, I must acknowledge myself in- debted to my father, who, although — as he was in the habit of saying — "no hand at the book himself," had a due appreciation of the advantages of learning. The worthy tar therefore took care that, on returning home, after school hours, I should not idly throw my books aside, but that I should prepare myself for next day's work, by learning well, by heart, the lessons that had been assigned to me by Dominie Lickladdie. This is a good plan, and may be generally recommended for imitation, to fathers of families who have boys prone to be idle, and more inclined to play than study after school 100 THE BEGGARS BENISOX. hours, altliougli sucli a course may not be very popular with the boys themselves. For my part I found my lessons hard enough to learn, but on comparing the position I was enjoying with that which I had endured when I was a ragged, starving urchin, obtaining a precarious existence in the Goosedubbs, I was induced to take advantage of the now comparatively happy day, and worked away, so that I soon became not only a proficient in my studies, but a favourite with the master. But Dominie Lickladdie had instituted confidence between himself and the scholars, by throwing aside the use of the tawse, and — instead of carrying them about threateningly, or lashing the desks with them, or throwing them at urchins as a sign for them to come up to his throne and be punished — by hanging them on a nail behind his chair more as an emblem of his authority and power, than as an implement of use, like the sceptres and crowns of ordinary kings who, reversing the system of the olden time, now neither carr} the former in their hands as walking sticks, nor wear the latter on their heads as smoking caps, but merely have them borne before them at gee-gaw shows, or simply represented amidst heraldric emblazonry. This reformation in Dominie Lickladdie's system was understood, on all sides, to have been brought about by the humiliation which he had undergone in the case of his defeat by Jaques, the ape. He had never been the same man, or rather the same pedagogue, since then ; but, on the contrary, he had become a much improved one. He was more patient ^ with the boys and girls ; more persuasive, and more explanatory. I'e did not urge them so hard as he had formerly done. He gave them time, as it were, to pick their steps in the rough road of learning; to free theii^ feet from the ruts and sloughs they occasionally THE beggar's BENISON. 101 stuck in ; and to get back to the proper path, when they unwittingly deviated therefrom. He led them more, and drove them less. The consequences rewarded him, and what was equally gratifying, they rewarded the boys. A spirit of kindness sprung up betwixt master and scholar, which, in a short time, led to the happiest results. The duty of teaching with him became a pleasure, and the ordeal of learning with them a gratification. Occasionally, no doubt, the spirit of the old Adam would indicate itself within him. A dull boy would, in spite of the dominie's efforts, remain provokingly obtuse; or a headstrong boy would be vexatiously careless; whereupon the nettled pedagogue would resoii; to some of his ancient grins and giinding of teeth, which would set the school in a roar of laughter, in which he would generously join; or, for- getting himself, he would testily turn round, as if to seize the tawse, but shrinking therefrom, he would let them alone, to be greeted, for the self-denial, by a boisterous cheer, amidst which he blushed and bowed, and resumed his equanimity. The dominie, it may be said, was now a popular man with his scholars. Instead of being shunned, he was sought. There were few truants, and those who had formerly played such parts, were steady from a dread of dismissal out and out. New scholars flocked to him ; and the little schoolroom, in consequence, was literally crammed, to such an extent indeed, that the heritors became alarmed lest they should be required to put their hands in their pockets and build fiuiiher accommodation. But a more substantial proof of Mr. Lickladdie's improved position with his pupils, than that of mere lip-praise, soon indicated itself in a way, that of all others could not but be most agreeable to liim, for it enriched his exchequer; and even as a rich exchequer always teUs beneficially on the domestic comfort of a State, so did it on that of the peda- gogue's hearth and ha'. His wife, who it was understood had bitterly felt the demeanment and humiliation which he had imdergone on the memorable occasion of his encounter with Jaques, and who not improbably had resented it on her husband's head, in the shape of curtain lectures and 102 THE beggar's benison. other penances, which only wives can inflict — and no wives are more potent in the use of such moral missiles than those of despots — began to find that the true elements of connubial bliss flowed upon her, giving her not only the means of filling the " kail pot," but of adorning herself and the bairns with comfortable and braw dresses. And thus the poor schoolmaster's cup of joy came to be filled to overflowing in more ways than one. The dominie's rising prosperity demonstrated itself pro- minently at the succeeding quarter's collection of school fees; more decidedly at the next; and beyond all doubt at the next again. But it outstripped itself on the occasion of Candlemas, when the "offerings," as they were called, of that day, literally overburdened him. I can, even at this distant date, recall the joy and happi- ness that on that memorable day was felt on all hands, from the schoolmaster himself who towered in his rostrum, to the wee-est lassie who thumbed her wee-spell. The first thing that we observed on entering the school- room that morning — which we did in our Sunday's best clothes — instead of the ordinary piles of slates and books and boards that usually burdened the oblong table which stretched across the upper part of the room, in the vicinity of the schoolmaster's elevated seat, was a display of luxurious deli- cacies that might have rivalled those usually seen on the counter of a confectioner or pastry cook's shop. The table for the nonce had been covered by the best damask cloth of the dominie's guidwife^ new out of the fold^ while on it were placed pyramids of oranges and apples, piles of penny cheese-cakes, and twopenny tarts, hillocks of scones and sandwiches, and blocks of ginger bread, short bread, and parliament cakes. Interspersed amongst these were smaller dishes, containing nuts, raisins, sweeties, almonds, ginger-snaps, Gibraltar rock, and other descriptions of " gundy," quite sufiicient to have disarranged the system of all the bairns in the parish, and to have brought into requisition the services of Doctor Pukely for weeks to come. There was in addition, however, perhaps as an antidote against such a bane, placed in a conspicious part of the table, a large rich China punch bowl, having a long ebony -handled THE BEGGAH S BEN'ISON. 103 ladle, the cup of ^vhicli "was of silver, with a golden guinea sticking in its base, and around this bowl were sugar, lemons, and a jolly bottle of old Jamaica rum ; while, on a blazing fire in the back ground, steamed in full puff a kettle con- taining the boiling water with which the punch was to be manufactured. Opposite this battery of good things stood Dominie Lick- laddie, adorned in his best " stand of blacks," that is, dressed in his Sunday suit, con- sisting of a fine black coat, black veh'et vest, black silk breeches, and silk stockings, with shin- ing shoes and buckles to match, while in keeping with these his hair had been frizzed, gi-eased, and powdered, and his queue wrapped in a new silk ribbon. He wore likewise his best frilled shirt, and a snow white cambric neckerchief, and altogether looked as well and respect- able as did the minister on an examination day. The boys now set up a hilarious cheer, as a recognition of the temptiug display upon the table, which having ended in a jubilant clapj^ing of hands, and rattling of hooves, the delivery of the offerings or gifts immediately commenced in alphabetical order. What sums the pupils gave as offerings were immediately announced by the master to the school, accompanied by a presentation of oranges, apples, and confectionery, on his part, in keeping with the amount And it was interesting to observ'e, that while some boys and girls came away moder- ately compensated, and not at all overbui'dened with the good things, others were abundantly rewarded, and, indeed, unable to regain their seats, without dropping, on this side an apple, or on that an orange, which caused a diverting scramble, for possession thereof, amongst the crowd of youths through which they passed. The collection of the Candlemas offerings being at last 104 THE beggar's benison. accomplished, much to the satisfaction of the master, the great matter of speculation amongst the scholars came now to be, who were likely to have the glory conferred upon them ojf being declared the King and Queen of the day, in virtue of having bestowed the largest gifts ; and when it was announced that Jock Poke, and Babbie Bowster, had, respectively, proved their titles to the crowns, immediately a loud burst of applause shook the building, although it must not be concealed that some joined in it with a tear in their e'e and a pang in their heart, in consequence of the happy appoint- ment not having fallen to them. Little consideration, however, was giv^n to the circum- stances that this one would have been King had his father only given him a guinea to present instead of a one pound note; or this one Queen, had her mother only added another dollar — foreign dollars at that period being part of the circu- lation of the country — for now the whole school rose, and placing Jock Poke and Babbie Bowster, cheek by jowl, on the shoulders of some of the biggest and strongest boys, they were carried to the open air, adorned with paper crowns, painted and emblazoned with gold leaf, and marched through- out the village, the rest of the boys and girls, in paii's, following in the procession. This ceremony having been duly performed, and the happy regal couple gi-eeted with the cheers and compliments of the villagers, to their hearts content, the procession returned to the schoolroom, where, by this time, the dominie had mixed the ingredients of the punch, which, after another supply of oranges, apples, tarts, and cheese-cakes, had been distributed, accompanied Avith nuts, sweeties, and so on, to the company, the said punch was doled out in glasses to all around, the dominie giving, in succession, the usual loyal and patriotic toasts of the day. Every credit, however, must be given to the dominie for the manner in which he managed this latter part of the banquet, for he used due discrimination, in regulating the supply of the ardent element, to the age and size of the re- cipients, so that no unnecessary intoxication should take place, although it must be confessed at this time of day that the distribution of such amongst children, big or small, was a very improper thing, and is only excusable in the eyes of THE BEGGARS BENISOX. 105 the present reformed generation, in consequence of its having been one of the customs of that barbarous era. ^ The punch bowl, the bottles, the glasses, and the empty dishes that had contained so many good things, — and which by this time were safely stowed away, partly in the stomachs and partly in the pockets of the children, — w^re now all removed from the table, the damask cloth folded up, the table itself placed against the wall, and all the desks piled up and the forms removed to the sides of the room, so as to make the middle space clear, when immediately the dominie, ha^dng mounted a chair and produced a fiddle — he being a good amateur performer on the vioUn — aU stood up to dance, the King and Queen leading ofi". Had any person taken time to study the dominie's visage at this moment, he could not have failed to have been im- pressed with the sight. It was the very index of happiness and benevolence, and no one could have supposed that frowns or gi'ins, such as stood recorded against him, especially when he exercised the ordeal of the tawse, could have ever de- formed it. But all remembrance of harshness was banished at this time from the minds, both of the scholars and the dominie. "One, two, thi'ee, and away you go!" he exclaimed, with a gamut accompaniment on the violin, and immediately the King and Queen were seen capering with " life and mettle * Note D.— Candlemas Offerings. Sa Appendix. 106 THE beggar's benison. in their heels," as they led off in a country dance, the Queen, in particular, showing off her dress and figure to the best advantage. The fun now became " fast and furious." The country dance was succeeded by reels and Highland flings, and merry- go-rounds, and numerous other rustic dances of general and local designation, but all of which were attended with con- siderable vivacity, and no small quantity of fatigue. In the language of the Goosedubbs Poet, " We bobbit, we noddit, We jumpit, we thumpit, We chatter' d, we patter'd, We march' d, and we sat; We shuffled, we scuffled, We puttet, we ciittet, We stottit, we trottit, We gallop' d, and swat !" In short, we almost wore ourselves out. But what is singular, we never seemed to tire the dominie, who fiddled away as if the duty were more a relaxation than an exercise. The afternoon was now drawing on. The sun was well in the west for a February evening, and the room was beginning to get darkish, though every face and eye were still bright and animated, when the dominie, by way of finale, sprung from the spot on which he had stood till now fiddling with fury. He now appeared in a new phase, namely, as a good dancer, in addition to being a good fiddler; for, still keeping " kittling haii' on thairms," he bobbed to this one, set to that one, reeled with a thii-d, and pirouetted with a fourth, every one being his partner for the nonce, as the case might be. At last he gave a certain signal, when immediately the Queen caught him by the coat-tails, the King catching her in succession, and so on every one in turn, while forming as it were a chain or tail, and thus the hilarity was complete ; for the dominie at the head, fiddling away, led us meander- ingly about and about, even to the outside of the school- room, and around the playground, like an enormous serpent, with varied gyrations, as though they never would end. Everything, however, must end. The dominie, on getting under cover again, at last gave two or three agile kicks to THE beggar's benison. 107 the sound of as many rasps of his bow, and suddenly bring- ing the momentiun we had acquired to a pause, declared the ball ended — When each took ofiF his several way, Resolved to meet some other day I" CHAPTER XII. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Tis sad to leave those social friends, With whom we daily mingle; But sadder 'tis to leave the dear Wee prattlers round our ingle. No foreign sun beams like our hearth- No foreign climate blesses The wandering exile, who bewails His bairnies' lost caresses. The Goosedubbs Poet. A CONSIDERABLE space of time had now passed away since my father had come amongst us, to confer the benefits of his guardianship and means; and, during that period, it may be said, he had greatly enjoyed the advantages thereof himself As he observed, "it put new life in him to have the privilege of a quiet and happy home, instead of being obliged to buffet about at sea; and to behold his wife con- tented, and his children thriving;" for Sissy now w^as getting up, and he was beginning to think of giving her some schooling, such as he was conferring upon myself The old sailor, however, as he himself remarked, '' had never done a hand's turn" during the period referred to, and, in consequence, the little sum which he had brought "with him had become nearly exhausted. "Ah!" he would exclaim, as he took an old stocking, which he kept concealed in a cunning nook of our dwelling, and thrust his fist into it, "this old hogger is getting as lank as the fo'castle cat of a ship, whose crew is placed on short THE beggar's bexisox. 109 allowance, on a long voyage. There can be no criirahs where a biscuit and a gill of water are served o-tt, and there can be no mice where there are no crumbs, and co the cat becomes a skeleton, even as this poor purse is!" "Alack!" he would continue, as he drew out the two or three guineas, and as could swim ashore with it —_:- .:==^^=^s:sl^^^^^— ^ in the event of our being stranded. Kow, however, such a contingency coidd give me little dread, for the hogger might almost float of itself ! " The good old sailor, in short, evidently felt himself to be in a fix. His means were exhausted, and he had it not in his power to replenish them, without making some efi"oii:, and that he could only do on the element which he was accustomed to traverse, and not on the laud, where he was like a fish out of the water. It was distressing for us all, in more ways than one, to see the poor man now sufiering so much mental anguish, and which becaroe more intense eveiy day. We felt for him, but in doing this, we had to feel for ourselves, for in him had been the fountain of our supply, and with him all would stop, and comparative poverty come again upon us. For days and nights he would sit, with Sissy on his knee, at his "ingle side," now becoming more and more dear to him, as he felt that he must soon leave it, and smoke his pipe, or turn the quid in his mouth from one cheek to the other, in the midst of his ruminations. But nothing could be made out of these in the way of re-assurance. " I see what it must come to," he would at last exclaim, with a bitter knitting of his brow, " I must go to sea again. I must rig out this shaky and lumbering hull, and take to 110 THE beggar's BENISON. tlie hand reefing and steering again; and, instead of sitting snugly at the lee side of this kindly hearth, with you all around me, 1 must stow myself away in a dark, damp, and dingy forecastle, to be called at all hours, and to go aloft whether it be night or noon, or whether it be calm or blow- ing a hurricane!" Of course, my mother and I, who were the only other portion of the family that could be expected to do anything, were unable to alleviate his anxieties ; for, although she expressed her resolution to work from sunrise to gloaming, at the soap suds, in the service of any one who would employ her, or knit, eydently, stockings at home; and I protested my readiness to go to farm work again, or any employment that would produce a wage; and, although, as in all such cases, our sanguineness engendered hopes of success far beyond wliat are generally realised in practice, the proud old salt rejected them entirely. "No, no, no!" he cried, "such a course I'll never steer as that. I'll never be a skulker, and keep the deck while others go aloft. I'll never ask my messmates to do my work, while I lie in my crib. I'll never drink the grog of laziness, or chew the biscuit of idleness !" After talking thus for a week or two, during which time he, as it were, was girding up the loins of his resolution, and, in some respects, he appeared to be doing this even physically, for he was ever hitching up the slack of his THE beggar's BEXISON". Ill canvas trowsers, and startinor from his seat, and taking a round of the little room before he resumed it again. He at last jumped up, exclaiming, "It won't do to go on any longer on this here course, without taking a cast of the lead, and seeing what are the soundings. It won't do to carry sail in a fog ; and when, perhaps, sandbanks are about us, and breakers ahead. So, hark you, old girl ; bouse out my hammock and kit, and I'll be off, to-morrow morning early, and see and get a ship. Better a finger off than always wagging !" The next morning, accordingly, notwithstanding our remonstrances, long before dawn, although the sun rose pretty early at this season of the year, my father was afoot, and, as he expressed it, "fully rigged out," and ready to take his departure. And as it had been arranged that I should accompany him to Greenock, the port at which he expected to get a ship, for the purpose of assisting him in carrying his kit and hammock, and, in particular, for that of bringing back to my mother his "lines," whereby, for a certain period, she would be enabled to draw, every month, a portion of his wages, while he was at sea, I was likewise ready, and in something like hearty spirits at the prospect of the trip, though my poor father's state of mind was quite the reverse. Like every other action, however, of the brave sailor, his departure was arranged without any shrinking or hanging in the wind ; and, even for the nonce, he had renounced the seaman's pri-silege of indulging in a "civil gi-owl" at the hardship of his fate. So, after partaking of as hearty a breakfast as the circumstances of the case would permit, in which we all joined, including his sister, who had come from her own home for the purpose, he "hove himself short in the stream," as he expressed it, " tripped his anchor, shook out and hoisted his foretopsail, ran up his flying-jib, and spread his spanker, and so, bore away, under easy sail," for the dusty road which now lay before us; not, however, till after he had hugged us all, and, in particular, " sworn a prayer or two" in our favour, placing around little Sissy's neck, in the midst of his tears and nautical caresses, a neat little Malay chain, which he had reserved for the purpose till this moment. 112 THE beggar's BENISON. A minute after, we were upon the road, and hastening towards Glasgow, he carrying the hammock and I the kit, and thus we proceeded till we attained the Broomielaw bridge, where we halted, partly for rest, and partly for a little consultation as to further progress. There were three courses left to our choice as to our further procedure, and it was regarding these that we brought up for a parley. There was the "long •-"-. o^^^S^T^ - ~ coach," which, of course, went by "" '~^' ' the road, and which would pass the spot where we now paused, in a short time. There was next, the " fly-boat," a sort of wherry, which was propelled by the wind when it was favourable, and by oar when it was otherwise. And there was the steamboat, that had only recently been invented, and placed as a public conveyance on Clyde, but wliich was considered, at that time, a sort of dangerous mode of locomotion, only to be taken advantage of by those who were extra bold, or who did not put much value on their lives. The first named, was the most expensive of the kind, although considered the safest and the surest; but my poor fiither hesitated about taking it on account of the state of his finances, whicli called for the exercise of the strictest economy that could be followed. The second was extremely slow and uncertain, though cheap, and therefore more in accordance with our circumstances. And the last was entirely unknown to us, excepting through hearsay; it being under- stood, however, to be neither very dear nor very cheap, while it was, upon the whole, rather speedy, unless overtaken by unfavourable weather. "I have a considerable desire," said my father, "to try this new-flmgled mode of navigation, which goes with neither wind, tide, nor oars, if it were only safe. And were it only myself, unaccompanied by you, that had to go by it, I would not hesitate a moment, for what does it signify, whether this old hull be wrecked or blown up. But Jack Splice, who THE beggar's BEXISOX. 11;^ made a voyage in the craft lately, assures me she is as dangerous as a fire-raft, and that she will go up in the air some day like a rocket, or sink under foot like a foundeiino- wreck !" Just as he said this, we saw the long coach coDiing up, which, before my father had made up his mind regarding it, raj^idly passed, the horses going at a brisk trot; while, about the same time, the fly-boat pulled out to the stream, loaded with passengers for the sea-coast, and likewise proceeded on her way. We could very easily have still got on board the latter, by trotting after her by the side of the river, and hailing her to stop, and take us on board; but here the superstition of the sailor presented itself against that measure, for, as he said, it never boded luck for any craft, to bring up or turn back, after making a fair start, and a ship that did so was always as sure to meet dangers and difficulties, as one that sailed on a Friday.* The steamboat was, therefore, now the only resource left to us, and to reach her we walked a short distance along the quay, to a spot where she lay smoking, fizzing, and puffing ofi" steam, a sight which made my father laugh heartily, as he scanned her from stem to stern, and pronounced her to be the "rummest looking craft" he had ever come alongside of in any latitude. " I have seen canoes of savages," he said, "in the Pacific Ocean; I have seen catamarans amongst the Madras surfs; I have seen Junks in the Chinese seas; but I never beheld a thing like this, with flappers at her side, and appearing more like a jackass betwixt a couple of hampers of greens, than a Chnstian ship !" We, however, stepped on board the steamer, which as • There is a determined prejudice amongst sailors (or, at all events, it used to exist), against going to sea, on a foreign voyage, on a Friday; and it is narrated, that to break it down, an enlightened shipowner once tried the following experiment: — He built a vessel, which he named the Friday; placed in her a captain of the name of Friday; and despatched her on a Friday, She accordingly proceeded on her voyage, and— was never heard of more! I 114 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. yet had only two or three other passengers in her, although it was nearly an hour after her advertised time of starting, and a boy kept blowing lustily and monotonously a large tin trumpet, as an inducement, seemingly, for people to crowd towards her. The summons, however, was to little purpose, for few additional people found their way on board, and these my father considered quite sufficient ; for, I remember, as each jjlaced Lis foot upon her gunwale, for the purpose of stepping upon her deck, she listed over as though she would have upset — thus furnishing the old sailor with an excuse, as it were, for pronouncing her to be a paltry, crank thing, that would, some day or other, come to grief, and then there would be an end to such absurd things as steamboats, that pretended to sail against the ordinary laws of nature. The little vessel at last started, and proceeded briskly, and what I considered to be, speedily, on her route — although a row boat, and some boys ashore, kept up with us for a time — the cross head of her engine jumping up and down, much to my amazement, like a thing of life, while her paddles threw up a surf on either shore of the river. "VVe passed green pasturages, dotted with grazing kine, and villas, and groves, and fields of waving corn, all which interested me much, and filled my inexperienced mind with joy, for I had never been so far at sea before, and I was beginning to wonder how long such pleasing variety would last, when THE beggar's BEXISOX. 115 suddenly the engine stopped working, and the steam com- menced to roar from the funnel head, whicli set eveiybody on board a-tliinking that their last hour had aiTived, and that they were about to be blown into the air, in keeping with the many predictions that had been uttered as to such a contiugency. Our alai-m, however, was soon calmed down, by the grati- fying assurance of the captain, that nothiug was wrong, and that what had happened was quite a usual occurrence, the engineer having only stopped the machiuery for the purpose of greasing and oiling some of its working parts, as well as to poke up his fires, and refresh them with frirther friel. It appeared to us that there was a double motive for stopping the vessel, for the captaiu and pilot now left the deck and went below, and from the acti^^.ty which was displayed by the steward, it was evident that they likewise were oiling their machinery, and poking up and refreshing their flues with something not only combustible but comfortable. After a short period thus satisfactorily spent in re-in^-igor- ating both boat and crew, the machinery was again set ar-going, the cross head jumped and fell with approved jolt, and the paddles pattered with regular rotation; while we skimmed the smooth surface, as though borne on the back of a swan, or duck, everything promising a satisfactoiy voyage, which made my father rub his hands with glee, and declare that steamboats were not such bad things after all. The river now began to assume a broader appearance; long lagoons or mud banks presented themselves, from amidst the luxuriant vegetation of which, numerous strings of wUd ducks, disturbed by the wave of the paddles, would start and wend theii' way inland. Sandbanks and sinuosities likewise appeared, and the captain and pilot began to look out with anxiety as to the navigation. The day, however, as my father remarked, was a long one, and he therefore calculated not only that it would serve to bi-ing us to our destination before sundown, but that it would be attended with fair and benignant weather. In this comforting surmise, however, we were not destined long to proceed. Ere we had accomplished a half of our distance, the little steamer stuck hard and fast on a bank, from which, with all our efforts, she could not bo extricated, 116 THE beggar's BENISON. although the engine was backed, and even a kedge and hawser were run out, on which we all pulled, passengers as well as crew, with hearty goodwill. The steamer, in short, was now fairly aground, and as the tide, upon which we had depended as a favourable circumstance connected with our voyage, was ftist ebbing, there was nothing left for us but to wait patiently for its flowing again, so as to float her off; and this we found would consume, at least, some four or five hours of our precious time. These hours proved to me to be a dull, tedious, and hungry period ; and had it not been for the goodness of some of the passengers on board, I believe I literally would have starved ; for we were too poor to be able to pay the steward for any of the regular meals that we saw going on, and we had been too improvident to bring any supplies with us on leaving home. At last we started again, though now far on in the day, and proceeded on our voyage. Our speed, however, was found to be very different from what it had been, but this, it was explained to me by my father, was in consequence of the tide being against, instead of with us, as before had been the case. Still we progressed, the engine keeping jolting and the paddles clattering, with the aid of an occasional stoppage for the purpose of oiling the machinery and refreshing the furnaces — and in parenthesis be it said, the crew — and thus we span out as weary an evening as ever fell to my lot to pass before, for as we attained the wider portion of the river, or rather the frith thereof, a pretty smart breeze sprung up, which set the little cock-boat a-bobbing, making many of the passengers sea-siok, and protracting the voyage to some hours beyond midnight, when we at last were landed on the wet quays of Greenock, weary and worn-out with hunger and fatigue. CHAPTER XIIL INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Fast falls the rain, loud roars the wind, Around the poor man's head. While Croesus, 'neath his canopy. Hugs his luxurious bed. Still, there's a Power above us all, And Lazarus may find — Though left to shift, as best he may — That Providence is kind ! The Goosedubbs Poet. After landing upon the Greenock quay, we found no one whatever stirring, and but for the few passengers that had come down the river by the steamer, and who were now quickly, and no doubt gladly, trotting to their respective homes, so as to get shelter from a smart drizzle of i*ain that as usual was falling in this aqueous locality, it would have been completely deserted. There was scarcely a light either to guide us, for the few oil lamps that then illuminated the quays and shipping, were either biu-ned out or blown out, and all that was to be seen was a solitary ray that shone from a distant lane, and which was the only thing that gave us promise of aid in our present circumstances. " Aye, here we are at last landed," said my father, who seemed to know the pla<;e, in common with many other sea- ports that he had frequented under the cii'cumstances of his occupation as a sailor, " and a more dismal night to bring up in such a roadstead we coidd not have fallen upon. How- ever," he continued, as his eye caught the flickering light that has already been noticed, " God be thanked, old Betsy 118 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. Breezer hasn't douced lier gleam yet, and there we'll get some- thing to eat and drink, and perhaps a seat at her fire, that will, at all events, tide ns over till daylight makes its appearance." We accordingly proceeded towards the light that indicated the establishment of the said Betsy Breezer, which, on a nearer approach, we fonnd to be a little low-roofed shop, having one window, and a low door, to enter which my fjither, though not tall, had to stoop considerably, while I followed in his wake. On putting our noses, however, within its precincts, we were almost fain to withdraw them again, for we were met by a stifling odour of tobacco smoke and other noxious fumes and vapours, that were far from being agreeable; while, at the same time, our ears were stunned and our senses confused by a Babel of noise proceeding from a crowd of people within, some of whom were carousing, some eating, and some rolling about, while all seemed more or less drunk and disorderly. The place was, in short, one of those low " howfs," or dens, common in maritime ports, where the lowest of the low congregate, and where sailors fall in with crimps, who fill them drunk and cheat them of their monthly lines, to the detriment of their health, and the ruin of the wives and families they leave behind. From this place, therefore, we were glad to retreat im- mediately, after my father had procured as much food as was necessary to satisfy our craving hunger, and which consisted of some dark-coloured tripe stuck betwixt two layers of gi'im-looking bread, which welcome supply was dealt out by the horny hands of Dame Breezer herself, and for which my father paid sixpence, at the ring of which coin on the dirty counter, I observed several forbidding heads thrust out of the back shop, attracted, no doubt, by the promising sound of the silver, but which heads were drawn THE beggar's BEXISOX. 119 back as soon as it was observed that Betsy was onlv performing a mercantile transaction. I however remarked one of them as belonging to a well-known vagabond that used to frequent my mother's gaiTet in the Goosedubbs, during the period of her doubtful days, and who was kno^vn under the soubriquet of the " Bald Billygoat," from the circumstance that what should have graced his crown, in the shape of hirsute luxuriance, had chosen rather to adorn the under part of his chin in the form of a giisly beard; giving him thereby something of the aj^pearance of the Alpine animal from which he derived his nickname. As the Bald Billygoat's appearance did not in my opinion, from what I recollected of his character and sentiments, promise any particular good to us, I communi- cated to my father my suspicions regarding him, and we therefore retreated again towards the quay, as being even a more hospitable locality than that which we had left, to pass the night in. " Oh! if there's a rascal in Greenock," replied the old sailor, "he's sure to be found in Bet Breezer's, particularly if a ship is about to sail, and where, in conse- quence, he can get hold of poor sailors to plunder and rob." We now regained the bleak and comfortless quay, intend- ing to skulk about any sheltered spot we might fall upon, until daylight should make its appearance; but by this time the breeze, which had taken off, had been succeeded by a pretty hard pelt of rain, and this promising to increase, we were glad when we stumbled at last upon an old wooden shed, partly closed in at one end, and into it we quickly retreated, in the hope that we had at last found a spot where we could pass the rest of the night, I being by this time perfectly overcome with fatigue and drowsiness. In this modest expectation we were not disappointed. This shed, from the savour of it, had been used as a temporary place for storing cargo, while being either put on board or taken from the holds of vessels, and was now unoccupied, thus gi^^Lng us reason to conclude that we might take possession of its accommodation, such as it was, without being con- sidered as trespassers. My father, however, being an old sailor, resolved that it should be turned to a better purpose than that of a mere 120 THE beggar's benison. corner to lie down within ; for feeling with his hands, by the aid of an empty box that lay about, and on which he stood, that above were good substantial beams stretching across, he quickly unpacked his hammock, and fixing the end chords thereof to two of these beams, he declared that we should now have a snooze in what he termed the best of beds, namely, a well-strung hammock, though the fresh air should be whistling around our heads. He then mounted first into the hammock, securing the kit into which he had stowed our jackets and shoes to the other beams above, and then assisted me up likewise, for the purpose of lying alongside of him. I confess that this operation was rather difficult and ticklish, and had it not been that the sailor had been accustomed to such manoeuvring on board ship, and that I clung with the tenacity of a cat to the hammock, I verily believe that both of us would soon have come to the ground again. Partly, however, in consequence of never letting go my hold with one hand, and partly by steadying myself with the other, by means of the beam above, we were at last righted, and I now found to my joy that I was nestled snugly in the old fellow's embrace, the flaps of the hammock closing in at our sides and almost around us. "All!" chuckled the tar, who looked upon every domestic element, connected with the furnishing of a ship, as being perfection, " here we are at last, snugger than in a feather bed, and what is better, it is even softer; while on board ship — blow hard or blow low — it is always the same, neither THE beggar's BENISON. l2l being affected by pitching or rolling. So, bark you, take a pull on the tackle of your eyelids, and see if we can bottle off some sleep ere the morning bells begin to ring !" This recommendation was almost unnecessary, and I daresay without it I would have been immediately in the land of dreams; but just at this moment we heard the sound of rough voices, and soon recognised that they pertained to company that we would rather have dispensed with. The voices, in short, were those of two ruffians, one of whom I discovered, from the remembrance of its tone, to be that of the Bald Billygoat, and knowing very well what might be the consequences if we were discovered, I whispered my fears to my father, who by this time had raised himself, sitting-ways, up to be ready for any emergency. The villains were evidently plotting some mischief; but, under the impression that no one overheard them, they walked towards the dark end of the shed where we lay ensconsed, talking in what sailors denominate a horse-whisper, that is, loud enough to be heard by any one in their vicinity that had ordinary sharp ears. This one was to get hold of this sailor, filKng him drunk ; and that one of that sailor, inveigling him to some rookery ; — there they were to hoccus him, and to rob him, and to detain him from the ship, that was about to sail, till he had paid rescue. They were afterwards to take the road for Glasgow, concealing themselves amidst the dense woods that skirted its course when danger made its appearance, and at nightfall they were to issue therefrom and rob any unfortunate passenger they might fall in with, murdering him if necessary. Just as they had settled this scheme to their satisfaction, during the debate on which they had approached uncomfoii>- ably near to us, my father, who, as has been said, had raised himself upon the hammock, clapped his two hands to his mouth, and bellowed out, in the most unearthly voice I ever heard, " Ah ! Bald Billygoat, Bald Billygoat, it is then that I, the devil, will get hold of you and your precious com- panion!" or words to that effect, which, at the same time, were garnished witli a few expressions of a condemnatory description, peculiar to sailors. He then applied to his mouth a silver boatswain's whistle, 122 THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. which he always carried about with him, attached to a whip- cord which was strung around his neck, and per- forming thereon as an accompaniment to the fearful announcement he had made, that peculiar birr-whirr-jirr-r-r whistle that first-class boatswains are alone up to, he so alarmed the Billygoatand his companion that off they ran with the speed of lightning, believing, seemingly, that his satanic majesty himself was after them, if I might judge from the rapidity with which their opaque bodies vanished in the grey distance, at the open end of the shed, slight day- light by this time having commenced to make its appearance. " Now," said my father, " we may rest comfortably, for we'll be no longer disturbed by these rascals. Catch them come back to encounter again my birr-jirr-whirr, with which I have sent off, in my day, the Nigger, the Cliinaman, and the Caffre, and why not a vile, loafing, Goosedubbs set of thieves ?" It was even as my father had anticipated, neither the Billygoat nor any otlier interloper disturbed our fui-ther repose, which was refreshing, profound, and continuous till the bells began ringing at five o'clock in the morning, by which time it was broad daylight, with an unclouded sky and bright sunshine. CHAPTER Xn\ IXTKODUCTOEY DOGGERELS. The sails flap mdely on tlie masts. The blocks and pulleys creak. The bright blue-peter streams aloft. The anchor is a-peak. The yards are braced rotmd to the breeze. Taut is each shroud and stay, The topsails and the courses swell. The ship hies on her way! The Goosedubbs Poet. Ere the morning bells had ceased ringing, we were both afoot; the hammock was lashed up again, and our toilet performed, in the shape of an ablution by means of the plentiful supply of salt water that flowed around the quay. We needed neither soap, nor nail brush, nor tooth powder, nor hair bnish ; nor did we feel the want of velvet dressing robes, nor worked slippers, nor soft carpets undemeatL We, in short, were almost as inde- pendent, under the circum- stances, as the honest dog — we gave ourselves a shake, and we were di*essed for the day ! By this time the quay, that had been so lonely and deserted the night before, were populated and looking life-like. The ar- tizan came sauntering along canying the implements of his 124 THE beggar's benison. craft, and looking out for the object on which he was to exercise them. The carter, witli his horse and dray, came rattling to the ship's side to carry off the cargo ; and the seaman came rolling onwards to board his craft, while hitch- ing up his canvas trousers and squirting the 'bacco juice from side to side. As the bell ceased ringing, the toil of the day had com- menced, and around were heard the many and varied sounds tliat proceeded from healthy labour — the clattering of wind- lasses, the creaking of blocks, the thumping of mallets, and the hearty " heave-oich-oich" of the mariner, as he pulled, hauled, and belayed. Of course, our look-out was to find a ship for my father, and on gazing about our hearts had many misgivings as to that chance, for there were few vessels in the harbour, and such as they were, with the exception of the smaller ones, all were seemingly lying principally in ordinary, or getting overhauled in the dry-docks; and in such circumstances requiring more the aid of the carpenter or the rigger, than that of the seaman. Independently of these ominous signs, we found, on inquiry, that there would not be a vessel fitting-out for sea for many weeks, the only ship that had endowed the port, in that way, with anything like vitality, having left the harbour the day before, and she was now lying at the tail of the bank, or roadstead, with her blue-peter flying, and expected to be under weigh every minute. Our informant likewise instructed us, that but for the circumstance that her owner was expected from Glasgow with his final despatches, she would have been off last night, and that the moment he arrived she would sail. This piece of information rather put my poor father out, for if he were disappointed in getting an engagement, he would require either to return to Glasgow or to proceed on to Liverpool for a ship, and seeing that his purse was extremely low, the expense ol either course considerably appalled him. As we stood on the quay absorbed in the contemplation of this difficulty, we saw a small boat, which had left the ship in the offing some time previously, approaching the landing- place, in the stern sheets of which sat a well-dressed -sailor man, whom we soon learned was the mate of the ship, and THE beggar's benison. 125 who had been dispatched to bring on board two of the crew who had got leave of absence the day before, and who, in violation of their promise, had failed to join the vessel again. ''Here's a chance!" said the old fellow, on learning this news, " mayhap they will not cast up in time, and I may get one of the vacant berths." As he expressed this hope he pressed forward to examine the officer of the ship, who, by this time, had left the boat and was coming up the stair that led to the quay, and which proceeding, as soon as he had reached it, brought him full in front of my father, on whom, in consequence of his being a passable -looking able-bodied seaman, he at once fixed his glance. "What!" he exclaimed, as he surveyed my father for a moment, and extended his open hand towards him, " can it be my old messmate, Jack Lobscowse, as we used to call you when you acted as cook of the Lively? How are you my jolly old chum?" Although I clothe the worthy mate's address to my father in these expressions, I must acknowledge that they do not furnish an exact report of it, in words, although they may do so in spirit; for, to tell the truth, the salutation was q uite in sailor-fashion, and though hearty and even affec- tionate, it contained almost as many oaths and imprecations as it did lawful expressions, and but for the good-natured and beaming smile which lit up his honest and open sun-burnt countenance, and the clashing thwack with which he hit, and the pump-handle shake with which he rugged at his quondam messmate's hand, one might have supposed that it was an enemy, and not a fiiend whom he had encountered, and that he was condemning his spiritual essence to perdition, instead of welcoming his bodily presence to his acquaintanceship again. To this eccentric salute of his old messmate, my father replied by as hearty and generous a return on his part, 126 THE beggar's eexison. althougli with a prudent omission of strange oaths and imprecations. Not, perhaps, because he could not have embellished his ideas as glibly and smartly in a like way — for no doubt he had as complete a " fo'castle " education as most sailors pick up — but because he was evidently taken aback, by reflecting on the rank which his friend had attained to, as a mate, and from feeling that he now was not a common sailor like himself, but an officer. Perhaps, too, he felt subdued by knowing that he himself was about to become a claimant on his favour for a berth in the ship to which he belonged. A few moments served to make this view of the matter palpable to me, for after the mate and he had got over their preliminary interchange of signals and salutes, and had asked and received answers to a hundred questions regarding former companions, friends, and messmates, and as to their own recent adventures and present occupations, my father told him plump that he was on his resources again, and in want of a ship, and that in the hope of getting one he was now here with his hammock and his kit ready to engage. " Well," said the mate, " Isn't that unfortunate 1 Had I only seen you yesterday, I could have shipped you at once ; but we are now filled up, and I have come on shore for two fellows that have got their advances, and who, I fear, are bemuddling themselves upon the head thereof" This annonncement, of course, was rather depressing to my poor father, whose countenance, which had just been recently beaming with hope, now became overclouded and lack-a-daisical with despair, which being observed by the mate, he tried to cheer him up with these words, " But look you, old messmate, it is quite possible that I may not get hold of one or other of the fellows in time, and if so, I will be free to ship you in his place; for, d'ye see, the owner of the ship is to be down with the despatches and the second mate, who is a relative of his o\^n, in the course of an hour, and we will sail immediately thereafter, so as to join the convoy in good time, and which ii5 mustering off Ailsa. Hold on, then, at this very place till I come back from overhauling some of their skulking haunts, and be ready to go off in the boat with me, in case I should lose them, which — in your ear — I will not be sorry to do, on your account!" THE BEGGARS BEXISON. 127 For this piece of goodwill my father heartily thanked his friend ; but to my sui'prise instead of joining him, in the hope that he would not catch them, he very candidly told him where he expected he would, at once, be able to put his hand on them, accompaning this piece of infoi-mation with a nar- rative of our mysterious encounter in the dark with the Bald Billygoat and the other rascal, and as to what had been plotted betwixt the two, no doubt in regard to these very sailors. This honest communication seemed to make no small impression upon the mate, who again launched out with an imprecatoiy eulogy — if this rather anomalous term may be allowed — upon my father's honesty and candour, telling him that he saw he was the same straight-forward and above- board old salt he had all along known him to be, and one that scorned to take advantage of a brother sailor, under any terms, no matter what was the temptation. " However," continued the mate, " this course is the best after all, and in the long nin will do you no harm, at least I'll be sorry if it does !" The mate now proceeded towards the town, and after being absent some time, returned, much to my mortification, with the two half diimk sailors that he had gone in search of, and whom he ordered to take their places in the bow of the boat. Shortly after that he was joined by the owner of the ship, who had driven down from Glasgow in his ow*n gig, and whom, to my delight, I recognised as the benevolent old gen- tleman that about a year before had on more occasions than one been of service to me, Sissy, and my mother, when in abject and distressed circumstances, as already has been narrated. The old gentleman did not know me, the course of time, as well as my comparatively imj)roved rig out, ha^'ing changed my appearance, not to say that had he been in the habit of recognising every one he gave charity to, his acquaintanceshij^ would have been legion. Nor did I care that any recog-ni- tion on his part should have taken place, seeing that any ex- planation of our former meetings would have been rather inopportune, had such been demanded by my father. He passed into the boat, taking his seat upon the ensign, 128 THE beggar's BENISON. which had been spread comfortably upon the stem sheets — as this part of a boat, in nautical parlance, is denominated — by way of a cushion ; and I was expecting to see her shove off, leaving us behind, when the friendly voice of the mate came to our relief in these promising words : — " Step on board, Jack, with your boy, and stow yourselves as far forward as you can; 'tis true that I have got the two lubbers I was in quest of, as you see, and now the fuU com- pliment of our crew is made up. Old Baggs, however (alluding to his respected owner), hasn't brought down his nephew, whom we expected as second mate, so something may come out of that, as we shall see when we get on board." With joyful alacrity we now likewise took our seats in the boat, which immediately, under the strong pulling of the crew, who feathered their oars in regular man-of-war fashion, was flying towards the ship, which, as we neared her, loomed larger and larger in my inexperienced eyes, and at last appeared, as we came within hail of her, to be a perfect floating castle or leviathan, although, compared with ships of the present day, but a small craft after all. We shortly afterwards came alongside of her, and scrambled up the side, and on getting on deck, there found a scene of busy and extraordinary life, the impression of which will never be erased from my mind. Sails were flapping aloft, sheets were rattling in the blocks, the heavy falls of the windlass were clanking as the sailors hung upon the handspiiies, and THE BEGGAR S BEXISON. 129 hove tlie cable short, while ropes dangled like snakes in the air, or occasionally lashed the deck, thi^eatening damage to any who did not keep a shai-p look-out. In the midst of this enlivening scene the owner was wel- comed on board by the captain — a well-knit, jolly-looking man — who stood at the top of the "accommodation lad- der," with cocked hat agee upon his head, and having a spy-glass in one hand and a speaking trumpet in the other, and presenting to my inexperienced ideas the very representative of what a sea commander should be. With liim and the mate the owner retired to the cabin, which was situated aft, and within the quar- ter-deck of the ship, while my father and myself were left to occupy ourselves as we best could; he, in waiting patiently \dth. his "traps" till the result of the conference, which was e^T.dently about to take place, should be known, and I in looking around, below, and above, at the strange and busy operations which were going on. In a Kttle while the mate emerged from the cabin with a pleasant smile on his countenance, and thus addressed my father : — " All right, old boy ! I have managed the job for you, and in a better way even than I expected; for d'ye see, in consequence of my reporting how disinterestedly you put me in the way of recovering these two drunken lubbers, as well as myself vouching for your character and steadiness, the captain, at the solicitation of the owner, has promoted the boatswain to the office of second mate, and you are to get the latter's vacant berth — you having acted as a boatswain before this — so you will not only get additional pay, though per- haps that may'nt be much, but a separate crib to yourself aft, along with the second mate, Avhile, what is better, I will be enabled to hold social intercourse with you, as a com- panion in my watch, and as an officer." 130 THE beggar's BENISON. This unexpected and cheering piece of good news soon had its efifect on my father; he retired for a moment to his cabin, and shortly thereafter appeared again on deck with his silver whistle, which he seemed to be quite up to the use of, and was soon amongst the men, whistling and ordering, as though it had all along been his occupation. I was now taken by the kind-hearted mate to his own cabin, and there regaled with sea-delicacies, such as bis- cuit and butter, salt beef, and cheese, to my heart's con- tent, and which my youthful and sharp-set teeth ground down and masticated, as though they had been going through the rollers of a jflint-mill; and, in addition, the mate insisted on my stuffing my pockets with fine, brown, flinty biscuits, which I was not bashful in doing. An hour or two was now consumed in further pre- liminaries, for it is a singular fact that, no matter how im- patient a ship-captain may be to get away, and however complete and ready his vessel may be for such a desirable consimimation, there is always some little incident occurring to consume the time, which, as it were, slips insidiously away, till one almost dreads that another day, at least, will be altogether lost. Little stores come on board at the last moment; petty delicacies are sent off by friends, as a compliment, or as a com- fort, to the captain and officers ; and even these friends themselves occasion- ally row off; — seeing that the ship still swings at her anchor — to have a parting glass of grog with the captain, and wish the good ship a successful voyage. Still such things have an end, and in this case they had one, for at last the worthy owner, and some other friends who had been on board before us, emerged from the cabin just as the anchor was tripped, and the ship fell off, while rounding her massive side to a stiffish breeze that had spiiing up, and which made the sails, — now in the 8.ct of. being trimmed, — cease to flap against the lofty masts, while the spars creaked and the shrouds strained. THE BEGGAE S BEXISOX. 131 A shore boat now drew up at the bottom of the accommodatiou-laclder, at the lee-side, into which I was desii'ed to quickly stow myself away, by my father, who, brushing a tear with his rough fist from his eyelids, which started at the moment, and desiring that I should kiss my mother, and particularly little Sissy, for him, when I got home, he wrung my hand, with a " God bless you, my boy !" and I descended as I was bidden. Immediately afterwards the gentlemen likewise descended to the boat, amidst the man- of-war salute, called " piping the side," and which consist- ed in my father whistling shrilly and loudly with his whistle as boatswain, in his singular whir- whirr style, and which I heard the gentlemen declaring, after they had got into the boat, was done in first-rate man-of-war fashion. The "painter" was next let go, the captain lifted his hat in token of farewell, and we were now fairly off from the ship, which by this time had got completely under way, and was setting up a white spray at her bow. I had, of course, never seen a ship under such circum- stances before, and therefore was fiilly impressed with the magnificence and exhilarating effect of the scene I now beheld. Her sails, from the deck to the poles of the masts, bellied out; the masts, strong as they were, slightly bent to the pressure ; the halyards became taut ; the blocks creaked, and the ship herself laid over considerably as her speed gi-adually increased. Three vociferous and heartfelt cheers at this juncture were given by the crew, which we faintly returned, while the ensign was dipped, and raised again, quickly, in compliment to the owner. Scarcely, indeed, had we had time to admire the ship's noble appearance than she had rounded a point called Kempuck, and ere we could almost look again, her hull was lost to our view, her topsails and streaming " bur- 132 THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. gee" — the word being a corruption of "bird's-eye" — con- taining her name, being the last things pertaining to her, observable over the Point, as she sped on her course to the Atlantic Ocean. CHAPTER XV. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS, Seek not the smooth and pleasant path, If thou the world would'st view; The steep, and wild, and ragged road, Tells wondrous tides, tut true. And simple youth learns more from these. Than what is taught in schools; So truthful is the adage, that •'Experience teaches fools! " The Goosedubbs Poet. We now pulled rapidly, or at all events, as rapidly as could be done with a heavy "bum-boat," for the quay of Greenock again, while I sat in the bow of the crazy craft, blubbering amidst tears, and munching biscuits ; perhaps, too, casting an occasional glance backwards, like Lot's wife, towards the point round which the ship had vanished, with an unreason- able speculative idea that, possibly she might reappear, and 134 THE beggak's BENISON". that I should see the old boatswain again. I likewise began to wonder when I might hear news regarding him. Vain delusion! the best news of a ship, as sailors say, is no news at all — and evidently this was the maxim of the owner, for he sat in the stern of the boat, laughing and chatting with his friends alongside of him, and never deigning to cast a backward glance. The worthy gentleman evidently felt happy and hearty, perhaps in consequence of knowing that his vessel was well filled up with a good cargo, and at a fair rate of freight, for, of course, no shipowner will ever allow that he gets too good a one. Perhaps, too, he had partaken freely of the hospitality of the cabin, which, to a landsman, is always a treat, and more prized than a like entertainment, even in greater profusion, is on shore. He, indeed, seemed wonderfully good-natured and pleased with his friends, all of whom, on his getting to the landing- place, he invited to dine with liim in the hotel, and which they evidently accepted with pleasure, promising to meet him there punctually at the hour named; after which arrangement they dispersed, possibly to attend to their several business avocations. As for me — the poor and lone boy — alas ! there was nobody to ask him to dinner, and consequently I was left to wander unhappily and solitarily on the streets of Greenock, not knowing well what to do, and wondering what course I should take, to get home again. I alternately munched the mate's brown biscuits, and wept ; gazed into shop windows, and up long, dirty, narrow lanes ; took a view of the steeple ; hearkened to the street cries of the knife-grinders, periwinkle venders, and fishwives, thinking them odd; read innumerable signboards, and then wept again. As I thus unmeaningly occupied myself, two gentlemen, seemingly struck by my unobtrusive woe, suddenly stopped, when one of them kindly asked me what was vexing me. To this queiy I replied that I had just parted with my father, who had gone to sea, and that I was now concerned as to getting to my home, which was distant even beyond the eastern outskirts of Glasgow. " Poor little fellow," replied the benevolent gentle- man, "we surely will manage to get you to Glasgow. THE BEGGAR S BENISON. 135 Follow me to my office, and I will instruct one of my skippers, who sails to-night with the flood-tide for Glasgow, to give you a passage on board his lighter, and in the mean- time I will get you shelter from the streets. " No, no, no ! that won't do at all ! " broke in gentleman, who appeared to be rather eccentric in his disposition, " you are just going to spoil the boy. Let him get to Glasgow as best he can, by his own wits and efforts — let him take the road and tramp it — a 'going foot is always gaining,' as the proverb says, and he'll pick up experience thereby that will benefit him after- wards; whereas, in your lighter, he'll only pick up what amounts to a reward to laziness!" The eccentric gentleman here put his hand into liis pocket and puUed out twopence in coppers. " Here, my little lad,'' he then continued, " take this and be off. It won't burden you, but at the same time it will keep you from want ; and that is as much as the crown could do, which my rich friend here would give you, were I to allow him to do so." He then took his friend by the arm and rather gi-atuitouslv as I thought, led him away, leaving me considerably mortified at the idea that, I should have lost a crown and a free passage home, through so much quasi charity, and philosophical philanthropy. Ere I could collect my scattered thoughts, the gentlemen had vanished; so, after spending a few hours wandering about the town and docks, I was forced to make a virtue of necessity and adopt my eccentric benefactor's advice. I ac- cordingly sought the prescribed path, which I did noL experience much difficulty in finding, and was soon tmmp- ing along its mirey surface, the rain of the night before, having transformed what had lately been dust, into mud, rather of a consistent nature. 136 THE beggar's BENISON. Tlie sun, however, soon broke out, and what, from its drying warmth, and getting into a less moist locality, the road became much harder under foot, and more pleasant to walk upon. Indeed, before I had gone a couple of miles, the dust began to arise, and my feet in consequence to feel heated, and not a little tender. I, however, jogged cheerfully along, passing some con- siderable villages, one of which at least, has since that period become a town, and in course of time felt myself rather fatigued. Blisters likewise had arisen on the u])per part of my heels, to relieve which I was obliged to put one shoe into the shape of a slipper, and this causing an inequality in the action of my limbs, I began to limp, which forced me to pull a stake from a hedge to assist %w£^^^m^^^^J^ ^'^^ ^^ ^^^y woes, the shades of evening rapidly drew on. The sun was far in the west, and though the afternoon was beautiful — the scene, as I looked back upon it, appearing a perfect blaze, as it were, of molten gold — I felt much unhaj^piness and even dread at the prospect of being obliged to pro- ceed so painfully and so lonely. At last the sun vanished, leav- ing only a grey twilight, while the woods on either side, excepting in some parts on the left, where the silver Clyde occasionally shone through, began to get deep and umbrageous, thus making the road darker than it naturally was. So much so was this the case, that I resolved if I came to a cottage or even a hut, I would beg a night's lodging, and be well contented if I could get that, in a straw loft, or any other outhouse. No such desirable prospect, however, presented itself to my strained eyes, which indeed would have been much re- lieved with a hearty course of weeping, had I not felt that such Avas useless; and I began, with a misgiving heart to mount a hilly jDortion of the road, wondering what was to be my fate, and thinking how cruel it was, on the part of THE beggar's bexisox. 137 the eccentric gentleman, to have forced me into this strait, when I otherwise might have been sailing up the Clyde, and which I now noticed, from some crafts that gh'ded along its surface, was in full flow. As I thus pondered I heard the sound of wheels behind me, and at last a smart gig, driven by a single occupant, came rapidly towards me. I had a kind of prescient idea that the equipage would turn out to be that of the benevolent owner of the ship in which my father had sailed, as I calculated he was due about this time. My first idea was thereupon to set up a whine on his coming up to me, by way of an appeal to his feelings, a resource that in former days had been of service to me under like circumstances, but this I thought would be rather glaring. My next was of a more moderate and natural description. It was to *' hirple " (that is halt) more than I had been even doing, accompanying the motion with a wistful look towards the occupant of the conveyance, and this I was the more completely enabled to do from the circum- stance that, as he came alongside of me, he slackened the pace of his horse, so as to enable him to walk up the hill, which was now pretty tough and steep, even for a horse drawing a light gig. My speculation, in this instance, was perfectly successful. As the gentleman came up and eyed me, I was gi'atified by hearing him exclaim, " Hilloa ! my little fiiend, is that you whom I saw on board of my ship to-day, and whose father went off in her as boatswain 1 " To this query, which of course confii^med my expectation that the charioteer would turn out to be the worthy gentleman, I readily and respectfully answered, explaining to him the plight I was in, but modestly, at the same time, indicating that I had no idea of getting further along, excepting through my own exertions, and which, perhaps, would not require to be so severe when I overcame the hill upon which I was now progressing. " As to that," he replied, " I will soon set your mind at rest. Here," he continued, while bringing his horse to a stand-still, and unbuckling the leather apron of the gig, "jump up and take your seat beside me, and think yourself lucky in not being forestalled; for only a short distance back, 138 THE BEGGARS BEXISON. I was within an ace of offering a seat to another chap that was limping along, only I didn't like his appearance." As he said this, we heard a shrill whistle some distance behind, which, a moment after, I thought was faintly answered by another whistle from before us, though a little to the right. The latter, the old gentleman did not seem to have recognised, for he only remarked regarding the first, that it was suspicious, and evidently an emanation from the fellow whom he had passed a short way back. In regard to these wliistlings, however, I had my own ideas, not having been reared in the Goosedubbs, amongst rogues and vagabonds, for nothing. I therefore, after I had taken my seat, felt uneasy, as the gentleman put his horse and gig in motion again, and proceeded towards the brow of the hill, which yet lay some distance before us, the tall trees on both sides of us, now rendering the scene almost dark. We soon reached the height of the acclivity, and the gentlemen had just tightened his rein, and applied his whip gently to his horse, so as to set it on a trot, when out there darted from the thicket a man, who seized the reins close to the horse's head with one hand, while with his other he presented a pistol, demanding, at the same time, that we THE beggar's bexison. 139 should remain quiet, or receive the contents thereof in our bodies. In addition, we heard the clattering footsteps, and voice of the other scoundrel behind, as he came running up at a quick rate, encouraging the other to hold us fast, and in a moment more, he was at the other side of the horse. This outrage had been so suddenly perpetrated that, the elderly gentleman was quite taken aback, and rendered confused, not to mention that the hoi^se rearing at the same time, still farther discomposed him, thus giving the robbers every advantage over us, and rendering us an easy prey to their villany. At tliis moment, however, I recognised, by means of the last remaining ray of twilight that still lingered over us, something that immediately shot like a flash of relief through me, keeping in mind, as I did, what had taken place in the quay shed the night before. It was the opaque outline, in a word, betwixt me and the sky, of a long beard, pertaining to the hrst-mentioned robber, and which, to my experienced eye, proclaimed the owner of it at the same time, while suggesting that I should try a little of my father's practice whereby to frighten liim. " Bald Billygoat ! Bald Billygoat !" I accordingly exclaimed at the same moment, " beware what you are about, for the beaks are not far off." " Bemember," I continued, as I observed that what I had said had taken him aback, though it had not induced him yet to let go his hold, " remember the fate of Barney Brogan and Boger the Bifler, and be warned in time!" The latter hint was conclusive and effective. The Bald BiUygoat immediately let go his hold, exclaiming, as he relinquished the reins, and, along with his companion in guilt, shmk towards the copse at the side of the road, " The devil is surely abroad, to baulk me thus so often ! Bass on, then, as you list, but don't split on us, for we as yet have not touched a hair of your heads !" As he said this, the horse started off at fiill gallop, down what had now become a declivity, and in a minute more we were beyond the range of the audacious villains' pistols, had they even been disposed to take a parting shot at us. . The horse continued its rapid pace, dragging us along in 140 THE beggar's benison. the gig in rather a break-neck manner, till it had passed the foot of the incline and was about to ascend again, when it gradually lessened its speed and commenced to walk, though briskly. During this period I had not said a word, beyond what has been mentioned, and indeed neither had the elderly gentleman, the reason evidently being that he had been stunned and amazed at the scene which had just passed. At last he regained his equanimity, when he asked me, in the name of wonder, how I came to possess such a spell over footpads — whom, he presumed, I could scarcely have recognised amidst so much darkness, even if I had been acquainted with them before — as to make them relinquish their purpose, by merely using a few words which to him were unmeaning. I confess this pertinent query on the part of the worthy gentleman, rather nonplussed me, as I felt that in explain- ing matters to him, I might go too far, and reveal what a degrading position I myself had once held in society, and which had made me acquainted with such characters as those who had attacked us. I however trusted to my wits, and in my narrative, managed matters so well, that I had not to refer to circumstances antecedent to those pertaining to my own and my father's rencounter with the Bald Biilygoat in Lucky Breezer's tripe shop, and subsequently in the quay shed, where we bivouaced for the remainder of the night. He laughed heartily at my narration of the adventure in the shed, explaining, as it did, how I had been so successful on the present occasion, in consequence of the Bald Biilygoat being more susceptible of superstitious, than of, physical dread, and to which circumstance he felt he was indebted for not being now I'obbed, and perhaps murdered. The bene- volence of his heart, however, made him lament, at the same time, the fact that so much guilt should exist in the world, and caused him to "improve the opportunity," by impressing upon me many good advices and homilies, while we trotted along, as to how I should eschew bad company, and spirituous liquors, and attend to my moral and religious duties, saying my prayers regularly night and morning, and, above all, going to church twice on Sundays. Excellent old gentleman! I knew he was perfectly sin- THE beggar's BEXISON. 141 cere, and like-vsdse a firm believer in the maxims and advices which he had generously bestowed upon me; but yoimg as I was at that time, and ignorant, and imeducated to boot, I could have told him, fi'om dearly attained experience, that something more than praying and attending churches was necessary for the reformation of such characters as the Bald Billygoat, and of the population amongst whom he, and such as he, existed, and of whom he was only a part, and perhaps a good average sample. I could have told him, that among the denizens of the low haunts of Scottish cities there was no want of missionaries; but that their prayers and preaching just went in at the one ear, and out at the other, and that really to reform such people, something that would elevate them in a social and physical way was requii'ed, and not ethics and homilies. I however did not think proper to enter into any argu- ment with the excellent man, but just let liim prattle away, and which occupation seemed to give him much pleasure, interspersed, as his speech was, with an occasional address to his horse (within parenthesis), and an occasional touch of the whip, not by way of punishment to the noble animal, but just as a gentle hint that he should not forget his paces. Thus we journeyed pleasantly aloug, stopping only at one place, where, upon the principle that " a merciful man is merciful to his beast," the good gentleman refreshed his horse with a little meal and water, and himself, notwith- standing his late protest against spirituous liquors, with a jorum of brandy and water, some of which he offered to me, but which I declined, thinking that the water was better without the brandy, and which sentiment he much com- mended. At last we reached the southern precincts of Glasgow, and having crossed the Clyde, were soon trotting along the silent streets; for by this time it was pretty late, and the shops were shut, and the douce citizens were betaking themselves to their comfortable beds after the duties and fatigues of the day, if one might judge from the sudden eclipses of candles, which from time to time took place, in many elevated windows. At the Cross, the gentleman stopped his gig, and as he had to go one way and I another, I was obliged to dismoimt and shift for myself, and which I was the more reconciled to do, 142 THE beggar's benison. as my kind benefactor, in addition to what he had already- done, rewarded me with a crown-piece, which he desired me to carry home to my mother. I had still about a couple of miles to walk, and this distance, notwithstanding the prolonged rest which I had got in the gig, I found to be the most onerous and painful portion of my journey; for by this time the blisters on my heels had broken, and I felt my feet swollen, and altogether cut up and incapable, which made me wonder how I would have fared had I not fallen in with the cld gentleman at so seasonable a moment. It was not till some time after midnight that I arrived at my mother's dwelling, and it was then even with difficulty that I obtained admittance, for she and Sissy had gone to bed, not expecting me till next day. I however, after some rapping at the door, obtained entrance and a kind welcome, and after refreshing myself with some nice sweet milk and bread, that kind little Sissy had insisted should be kept for me on the chance of my arriving, and towards the augmen- tation of which, the poor thing had stinted her own self — going supperless to bed in consequence — I was glad to seek my humble couch, before falling asleep in which, I could not help acknowledging to myself that, the eccentric gentleman in Greenock, who had made me take the road, was right after all, in his wholesome though severe principles, for not only was I as rich as though I had gone by the river, with his friend's crown in my pocket, but I had arrived sooner at my destination, making a good friend of the elderly gentleman, who, if I fell in with him, might be of service to me afterwards, and, moreover, picking up much useful experience, as had been prognosticated. The next day was to me, and indeed to us all, rather a melancholy one; for, after communicating to my mother and Sissy my narrative of the events that had happened since I had left, and hearing in turn regarding what had happened with them, and which amounted to little or nothing, we began to feel the want of the poor old sailor, whose seat beside the ingle now remained vacant, but which, in our mind's eye, we saw tenanted by him who was now rolling in the broad Atlantic 9cean, and likewise probably, in his fancy, occupying it again. THE beggar's BEXISON. 143 And so time passed from to week, and from month to day to day, and ft-om week month, with no change in .^^"^ our uneventful and simple lives, excejDting that I at- tended Dominie Lickladdie's school to exhaust a quar- ter' steax3hing, wliich had been paid for in advance by my father before he left, taking Sissy along with me, whose quarter had like^dse been jDaid for by him, and which, I beUeve, formed the bulk of all the schooling that the jjoor thing ever got in her life, at all events as a child, whatever she may have obtained afterwards, as a grown-up person. Sissy, however, made good progress during the short period she was at school, assisted as she was by me in the evenings at the fireside, and by our aunt, whom she visited regularly for the purpose, and who was a bit of a scholar, and a good reader of the Bible, and in consequence, notwithstanding the meagi^eness of her education, she learned to read the most difficult books. As for myself, I could read, %vrite, repeat the multiplication table, add, subtract, and calculate by the rule of three; while, at the same time, I understood to some extent the principles of bookkeeping, by double and single entry, from watching the progi^ess of some more advanced scholars, who were being initiated in that science by Dominie Lickladdie, at the cost of a higher fee, and who kindly lent me, now and then, theu' manuscripts, and explained the system to me. The fact is, I was greedy of such acquirements, knowing the value of them, and therefore picking them up with a relish that perhaps would not have existed within me had I been — like some other pupils attending the school — the son of a rich, or at all events a comparatively rich man. I therefore distanced all my competitors, and gave great satisfaction to the dominie, who felt that my progress did him credit, and who therefore hinted, when the quarter was out, and he 144 THE beggar's benison. found that he "would not be paid for any more, that I might be continued gratuitously, if I acted at the same time, as his assistant, to the younger scholars. This arrangement would have suited me perfectly well, and, so far as I was concerned, I was quite willing to have entered into it; but alas! circumstances had occurred to render my acceptance of it out of the question ; and, indeed, they were such as altered not only my own prospects of getting on in life, but those of the whole of our little family. To come to the point at once, we learned from a paragraph in a newspaper, which had been sent to us through the post by some friend, and was no doubt authentic, for it was amongst the shipping news thereof, that the ship in which my father had sailed some months before, had been fallen in with by another vessel, after the partial subsidence of an a^vftll gale of wind, in a waterlogged and sinking state, and abandoned by her crew, in some part of the Atlantic Ocean, and that shortly after being discovered, she had sunk ; that it was supposed, from there being no boats on board of her, that she had been some time deserted, and that the crew had consequently taken to them, and had either perished after- wards, or, as was sincerely to be hoped, been rescued by some other vessel. This news, of course, was a severe blow to us, and com- pletely prostrated all our energies, leaving us in most painful doubt regarding him who was so dear to us, and likewise so necessaiy towards our maintenance, for along with the melancholy announcement, we found that all further advances on account of his pay were, according to the articles of agreement, stopped by the agents in Greenock, who, up to this period, had regularly remitted us those little pittances, which, added to the occasional and irregular trifles picked up by my mother as a washerwoman, had enabled us, accompanied by the exercise of the strictest economy, if not niggardliness, to maintain existence. It is true that we were still enabled to cling to the hope that my father's life had been spared, the paragraph which had furnished the information of the vessel's wreck, permitting us to maintain this meagre bit of consolation ; and, conse- quently, we looked forward from day to day, with the most intense interest, for a letter from the old sailor, which would THE BEGGAR S BEXISOX. 145 relieve our anxiety; but alas! it came not. We heard of foreign mails arriving — we heard of other people getting letters from their fiiends on the other side of the Atlantic, and even from the Antipodes; but not a line came to us, and as ''hope defeiTed maketh the heart sick," so our hearts sickened, and\re wept and wondered, and at last became accustomed to our lot, which indeed was a heavy one. Instead of continuing at school under such cir- cumstances, even with Dominie Lickladdie's gra- tuitous offer, it was neces- sary that I should work; and how that was best to be done was rather a puzzler to us. To go to ferm work at my time of life would have been to get only as much as barely would sustain myself, and besides I had a higher ambition, and I yearned to employ myself at some- thing that would engage my educational acquirements. I felt that if I once got a place where I could exercise these, I could not fail to get on ; for, in addition to having con- siderable confidence in my own energies, I took pleasure in occupation, and never was so happy as when well employed at what other boys considered a task or a drudge. At the same time, I liked a little play, and found that, all the sweeter after my labours, particularly if these had been of an intel- lectual description. I therefore resolved to aim at occupation in a shop — if possible, a draper's, or some such respectable tradesman's, and failing that, in a grocer's or provision dealer's at least, — and for this purpose I proposed to visit the city the very next day. As for poor Sissy, it was settled that she should go to a spinning-mill close bye, the only place where occupation for one of such tender years as hers, at this period, could be got; while my mother resolved to increase her exertions still more, by getting work out, and failing that, in conjunction with my aunt, by taking in washing and dressing at homC; L 146 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. there being for the purpose, luckily, some slight accommoda- tion, in the shape of an outhouse at the rear of our humble dwelling, capable of containing tubs and other implements, connected with such a sloppy occupation. CHAPTER XYI. I X TROD UC TORY DOGGERELS. "Tis said, an honest man engaged In struggling against odds, Is quite a feast for Jupiter, And all the heathen gods. It may be so, and if it is, What then must be their joy To see the struggler, not a man, But a poor and starving boy? The Goosedubbs Poet. I DID not trifle away much time, after I had fonned the resolution of seeking employment, but w^ent boldly to work, by beleagueiing, on my way to the city, the veiy first shop- keeper that hung out his sign beyond our -vollage, and whose window looked respectable. I did this, 'tLS true, only by way of experiment, being under the rather too confident impression, that I could not fail one way or other, to be successful; and, therefore, in thus skirmishing, as I considered it to be, I was not resolved to engage, even should I get an ofier, but to discover thereby, as it were, what was about my value in the eyes of emulous employers. I soon, however, was obliged to come down a peg in my inflated estimation of myself; for the old huckster to whom I 148 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. first paid my addresses, and who sat solemnly, like a judge, behind his counter, with a worsted wig on his head, and a pair of rusty iron-cased spec- tacles on liis beak, reading a well-thumbed and befouled newspaper, dated at least a week before, merely, in answer to my query, " Do you require a boy?" lifted his eyes from off the grimy page on which they had been fixed, and said, "Cut!" meaning, in other words, "Be off!" a hint which I perfectly understood, and accordingly acted up to, although I felt somewhat nonplussed, at his cynical abruptness, or rather rudeness. . I, however, passed on, and soon found out that my friend of the worsted wig was not by any means the exceptional barbarian I had supposed him to be; for in the very next shop, which was that of a tobacconist, — and where the man of snuff" and quids appeared in brown and bushy hair, not unlike a portion of his own " returns," as that quality of cut tobacco was labelled in his window, — I got no answer at all, but merely a sign, which he effected by motioning his thumb vulgarly towards his shoulder, and which I knew to indicate, likewise, " Be off!" I now began to feel rather down-hearted and chap-fallen, which sensation was accompanied with a desire to return home, and unbosom my disappointment to my mother and Sissy; but when I reflected that they could do nothing but join me in lamentations and weeping, and that they had their own difficulties to encounter as well as myself, I picked up further pluck, and proceeded on what was now becoming a rather repulsive ordeal. One shopkeeper, to my query, would merely growl out a gruff and emphatic " No !" Another would tell me that he had had enough of boys, and would have no more to do with them; while a third would jeeringly and satirically inform me that he already had a boy, whom he would sell cheap. THE BEGGARS BEXISON. U9 I was really beginning to think that boys were articles in the creation, of no use or value at all — a drug in the market of employment — something that might be dis- pensed with altogether, and the world be all the richer for the subtraction, — when I arrived at a portion of the suburban street leading to the city, where there were no shops at all, and actually found the circumstance a relief I now began to envy every boy that I observed engaged in employment. This one carrying a parcel, was useful to his kind; that one driving a donkey coal-cart looked business like; while even a little supple fellow, dressed fantastically, and sparely, for he was ■•'jPl .- '^1 came half naked, and who danced and tumbled to the rude music of a man who played on a pan- dean pipe and beat a drum, seemed to be something. I alone was out of place — I was nothing! I, however, along, and soon within the precincts of the city itself, where the population was denser, and the shops larger, and more brilliant, and filled with richer stocks than those from which I had received so many rude repulses. The shops, indeed, looked so magnificent, comparatively, with those I have alluded to, that I felt awed when I contemplated them as places to seek employment in, and my energies became almost paralysed when I essayed to enter one for the purpose of oflfeiing my services. I screwed my courage to the sticking point, however, and walking up to what I took to be the head-shopkeeper, I put my stereotyped question; when, to my surprise, instead of being repulsed as I expected, and that too with severity in keeping with the greater importance of the place, he referred me to his master, who sat at a desk within a wooden partition in the interior of the shop. 150 THE BEGGARS BENISON. Misgivingly I approached the spot, when I found it tenanted by an elderly man, who, when I had asked him if he wanted a boy, benevolently replied — at all events I considered it so — that he did not at present, but that he might do so in the course of a short time. He further gratified me by questioning me as to my qualifications, which, after I had enumerated them, induced him to write down a few memoranda connected therewith, when, by way of adieu, he informed me that I might call again in a month or six weeks. This act of condescension on the part of the shopkeeper was certainly nothing to my advantage, for a moment's reflection might have shown to me that, even could I have waited a month or six weeks, I would, at the end of that period, just have received a like answer; but still, it was so different to what I had experienced in my first application, that, strange though it may appear, it put me in spirits, and raised my flagging hopes. I felt as if the tide of misfortune had reached low-water mark, and was about to turn in my favour. If that was the case, it stood at the minimum a consider- able time, for, though I tried twenty or thirty shops after- wards, not one of them required a boy. I had now reached the heart of the city, and was begin- ning to feel rather tired and hungry, and instead of looking to those shops where I might get employment, I felt inclined to contemplate the windows of such as attracted more the animal than the moral qualities. I viewed, with watering mouth, the cold-beef shoj)S, and thought nothing looked so tempting as the broken steak pies, and sliced roasts, and ruddy rounds. Angular pieces of fresh Dunlop cheese, too, appeared to be deli- cious; and even " penny rumpies," in bakers' windows, were most in- viting, particularly as the steam they emitted, showed that they had just come from the oven. What almost, however, upset me completely, was the view THE beggar's BEXISOX. 151 that revealed itself to ray tantalised eyes, on coming opposite a confectioner and pastry cook's window. It was, in my estimation, a feast spread out for the gods themselves — tarts, cheese-cakes, buns, sweeties — everything, in short, fi'om a pie to a jjeppermint drop. What surprised me most, con- nected with this establishment, was the cii^cumstance, that on flattening my nose on the glass, so as to see the inside of the shop, I observed the presiding genius thereof, in the shape of a Quaker, with his broad-brimmed hat on his head, sitting calmly read- ing, instead of eating away, with no end of appetite, and rewarding him- self with the delightftd cates and condiments that were spread around him. I waited in vain for him to begin ; he only took a pinch of snuff, turned over a leaf of his paper, and read again. How I felt, under these circumstances, the want of money, it is impossible to describe. Had I had thousands, I thought I could have spent every stiver of it in that shop, and never have been done consuming its sweets. Alas! however, I had not a single farthing in my pocket, and therefore I could only devour with my eyes, what was denied to my mouth. A lucky idea at this moment suggested itself to me. " Perhaps," I said to myself, " if I ask this old Quaker for a place, I may come off with a cheese-cake." And before I had given myself time to consider the propriety or impropriety of the step, I found myself standing before his counter, and putting the question to him. "Do I require a boy?" he answered, while darting a penetrating glance at me from imder his broad brim. "Wherefore, and with what meaning, dost thou ask me the question"?" " To run messages," I replied, " to carry parcels, or to keep the shop in your absence." " Friend," said the Quaker, to this bold proposal, " I have no messages to be run, I have no parcels to be carried, and as to keeping the shop in my absence, I do fear that I 152 THE beggar's benison. should have but a sorry account of it on my return; for thou lookest to be a healthy covey — as the saying is — and I would marvel not if all the pastry in my shop and the confectionaries to boot would fail to staw — as the saying further is — the youthful appetite thou seemest to possess !" I was turning away as the stern quaker uttered these words, feeling in my mind that my speculation, so far as re- garded him, was a failure, when he called me back, while a more pleasing expression seemed to animate his countenance, and at the same time a humorous twinkle shot from his grey eye. *' Stay a moment," he exclaimed, "thou art evidently disappointed, and I like the way thou essayest to be off with- out importuning me, therefore take these moulded tarts, and may they be a consolation to thee in thine adversity." As the worthy quaker said this, he opened a low drawer at the back of his counter, and taking therefrom a couple of twopenny tarts, he placed them in my hand which I eagerly held out to him, and having resumed his seat and his paper, as I heartfuUy thanked him, I walked out of his door. Kind old Obediah ! He knew not, nor cared to think, how much that simple act had touched my heart, and stamped that old brown, broad-brimmed hat, and that little tart shop indelibly in my memory and gi-atitude. Many a time I visited the latter afterwards, and many a sum I spent in it under very different circumstances from those which first in- troduced me to it ; and even to this day, though occupied for a different purpose, and tenanted by others who probably know not who, or what was its former occupant, on whom the turf has now lain many a day, I never pass it without re- calling the scene which I have now endeavoured to describe, kindly to my mind. I now joyfully, with the tarts in my hand, sought a quiet corner, removed from all shops, and where few passers-by were present, and there I gormandised the stale tarts that the good Quaker had bestowed upon me. They may have been a little moulded, as he hinted, but if so, the circum- stance made little difference to me, for down my gullet they went with a relish that I do not remember fresher and even dearer sweets ever to have possessed since. My feast being finished, I now began to think of returning homewards; for I had by this time given up all hopes of obtain- THE beggar's benison. 153 ing employment in the way I had proposed to myself, and which state of matters I contemplated with a heavy heart indeed (particularly as the tarts were done); for to go back under such circumstances was to go to starve, and, along with that, to make others starve. As I thus paced unhappily along, I chanced to lift my eyes towards the window of some business chambers, where, stuck upon it with a couple of wafers, I perceived a stripe of paper, on which was written the attractive words (to me), "A Boy Wanted." It was the work of a moment for me to lift the latch of the door and walk in, when I stood before a gentleman, whose age might be betwixt twenty-five and thirty, and who sat at a desk, whereon lay books, upon which he was engaged writing, and to him I made application, in vii'tue of the notice I had seen affixed to the window. "I am'afi-aid you are too late," he rejDlied carelessly; " another boy caUed only an hour ago, about the place, and the 'Governor' has gone out to make inquiries regarding him, and if these are satisfactory, he will be engaged.'^ I felt rather mortified at this announcement, though I could not help considering it in keeping with my former luck, which seemed to lead to uniform disappointment. I, however, sat down in a corner, according to an invitation given to me by the gentleman, and there I passed a very uneasy quarter of an hour, thinking how galling it would be if I lost this chance, simply by being half-an-hour too late in making the application, particularly as the situation was evidently far superior to any I had aimed at, in the shops from which I had so unceremoniously been repulsed, while feeling, at the same time, what a triiunph it would be over the huxters, and tobacconists, and tailors, if I now succeedecL At last "the Governor" came, whose first words to the gentleman who sat at the desk were much to my relief, to the efi"ect that the boy wouldn't suit, and that they must find another. " Well, then," replied the gentleman, while pointing to- wards me with the featheiy end of his quill, " perhaps that one will? He just came in as you departed: and he looks something like the thing." As he said this, "the Governor" turned round to 154 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. look at me, when, to my amazement, I discovered in him the same benevolent person who had so often been of service to me before, and in whose vessel my unfortunate father had sailed as boatswain, not forgetting that after- wards he had brought me the greater part of the way home from Greenock, in his gig. CHAPTER XYIL INTRODUCTOKY DOGGERELS. Stubborn, though trite, the proverb is, — With truth demonstrative, — That half the world knows not, nor cares How t'other half doth live. To him of philanthrophic sool. Sad is the revelation ; Although, — on thinking, — he obtains This source of consolation: That, what to one, a trifle is — Unable to support one — _ Unto another, is a great And independent fortune I The Goos(du¥jS Poet. " Ah ! " exclaimed my sexagenarian friend, as lie cast his be- nevolent eyes upon me, " if I mistake not, you and I are old acquaintances. You are my old companion in the gig, and am I not indebted to you for my escape fi'om robbers, on the road from Greenock to this, some considerable time ago 1" To this flattering query I stammered out that I "was the boy alluded to, but that I was more indebted to him than he to me, inasmuch as that, through his intercession, my father obtained a berth in his ship as boatswain, when he •was at the last extremity, and had no prospect of otherwise gaining employment. As I faltered out this compliment to my benefactor, the remembrance of the fate of my poor father occurred vividly to my mind, while at the same time the tears rushed into my eyes, a circumstance which I suspect did more good to me, in the estimation of the gentleman, than the finest speech 156 THE BEGGAE S BENISOX. could have effected, even had I been able to make it, as an expression of the gratitude I really felt towards him. " Alas !" he answered, " I fear that that appointment has been the cause of your father's death, for never a word have we heard of the unfortunate ship's crew, since the announce- ment of her foundering, and we therefore fear they have all found a watery grave." ^' However," he continued, " that cannot be helped now. What is done cannot be undone; and it is impious in us to do anything but resign ourselves to the decrees of a higher Power, who ordereth everything for the best." The excellent gentleman then patted me on the head, and questioned me as to my attain- ments and qualifications for the situation which was vacant in his ofiice. He explained that it was more a practical, than an intellec- tual bertli, and that the duties connected with it were, principally to take off the outside window- shutters in the morning, and put them on at night; to sweep out the oflSce floor, and dust down the desks, and other furniture ; to run messages, and take letters to, and from the Post-Office; to carry par- cels, and deliver circulars; to put on fires, and scrape the snow from the pavement in front of the office in winter, and to sweep it free from dust in sum- mer ; and on the whole to make myself generally useful ! He stated, further, that although the assistant he wanted for the performance of these services would not be required to labour much with the mind, it would be no objection if he could write a little, and use figures. It would be a drawback, however, if he meddled much with the office quills, and dabbled with the ink, a propensity, on the part of other boys, which he had been obliged to remonstrate againsti and, indeed, punish, on more than one occasion, but which he hoped he would not require to do with me. He then announced to me that the payment, or, as I dignifiedly soon learned to term it, salary, for such services THE BEGGARS BENISON. 157 had, to former boys, been half-a-crown a-week; but, in consideration that I had lost my father in his service, and that my mother was a poor and indnstrions woman, he would augment the same, to three shillings a-week, which he hoped would induce me to be extra attentive, civil, and industrious. I readily assented to these conditions; indeed, I would have been glad to have accepted much less favourable ones, humbled, disappointed, and subdued, as I had been, in my expectations, before I luckily stumbled upon his establish- ment, by the severe but wholesome ordeal that I had previously come through, amongst the shopkeepers. He thereupon bestowed upon me half-a-crown, as " arles," — as such an offering, under the circimistances, is called in Scotland — and dismissed me, with instructions to commence work on the following Monday morning, for which purpose I was to call at his private residence, situated at a little distance, as early as eight o'clock, for the keys, and to have the office all ready for business by nine, and which rule was to be continued on every day afterwards, excepting Sundays. Impressed with the profoundest gi'atitude towards my new employer, and elevated at the same time with no small degree of pride at the success of my application, I now left the office and proceeded homewards again, while almost unable to refrain, in my joy, from committing some antics. I felt veiy much inclined to throw up my cap in the air and to shout out hurrah ! and I do believe that but for the pre- sence of the passers-by, I would have actually turned a somersault, or, as the expression in Scotland is, "tummel'd the wul'-cat" (Anglice, tumbled in the style of a wild cat), or climbed up a lamp-post, and dropped down again, or done something that was very unmean- ing and very absurd. I, however, managed to subdue the liveliness of my movements, although I could not do that of my thoughts and fancy. Indeed, so strong were the latter, that I commenced to build no end of castles in the air, and, like 158 THE beggar's benison. the clown with the eggs, to multiply and remultiply the chances of the prospect, that lay before me, to such an extent, that soon all my eggs became chickens, which again laid eggs, that had at least two yolks each ! In this felicitous state I walked along, and could see no one so happy as myself. All were my inferiors ; and I do believe that, had I met my new master himself, I could have afforded to pity his less elevated position, in my esti- mation. My ambitious fancy was excited also ; and, before I had got well out of sight of his office, I had, in my mind's eye, passed from being his drudge to being his clerk ; and from that, to being his bookkeeper and manager ; and again from that, to being his partner and equal. Of course, such precocious ambition may be considered very absurd, and, in the minds of jealous and haughty people, very contemptible ; but what of that, if such leads to results, beneficial to the possessor of it, and stimulates him on and on, till he becomes the acquirer, in reality, of what he holds only in theory 1 It is said of Napoleon's con- scripts that each carried a marshal's baton in his knap- sack, yet nobody ever ridiculed and laughed at them in consequence. Indeed, the idea was considered honourable to them, and, instead of being scouted, it was encouraged. If such ambition, then, be proper in the military tadpole, why should it be the reverse, in the commercial one? For doth not commerce require recruits for its armies as well as war, and are not the victories of the former at least as im- portant to nations, as those of the latter 1 Whatever may be thought of such ultra self-respect, however, I have this excuse for having nurtured it, that it is an element peculiarly possessive of the Scottish mind; and, from this fact, I can trace the circumstance that, go to what corner of the globe you like, you will there scarcely ever see " Maister Alexander " occupying a menial situation. On the contrary, the chances are, that you will generally find him master, or at all events in the way of be- coming master. It may be that in the latter exj^ectant position, he may conduct himself humbly ; but if so, it is on the principle that *' He who humbleth himself shall be exalted !" This peculiar idiocracy is perhaps more observable in the THE beggar's benison. 159 Scotsman abroad, than in the Scotsman at home; and no wonder; for, under the former circumstance, Sandy has more field for his propensity, seeing that those he comes amongst are, comparably with him, simple and facile ; and, consequently, his motto, like that of the gi'eat Roman, might be, " veni, vidi, vice,'' whereas, under the latter, he has to contend in the pursuit for mastery, with his o^ti kind ; and when Scot meets Scot then comes the tug of — emulation. The propensity, however, may be seen at home as weU as abroad, and by those who may even reckon themselves no keen observers. I myself, without alluding to my own in- dividual case, have witnessed the phenomenon a hundred times. I have, for instance, on making a commercial call at the office of some neighbouring man of business, noticed that he had just got a new boy — it might be a shirpit, ill-shaped, clumsy, ugly " laddie :" very civil, no doubt, in his own way, and in his new position, but very green and very awkward withal. In a few months, I have observed the maggot, free from his chrysalis state; and in as many more, I have observed him, with comparatively rich toggery, and decidedly improved manners, fast approaching the winged state of the butterfly, which, if it did not induce him to fly away, to where I would have lost sight of him, would soon develope the adult insect in the most wonderful degi'ee ; for, -without laying myself open to the charge of being a romancer, I might aver, without fear of contradiction, that I have seen that very entomological individual, successively become the confidential adviser of his master, — the master of his master, — and ultimately, the entire master. Then, undergoing a fresh change, I have seen him rise in the world, build a house, marry a wife, — perhaps one who was sipping her tea with a silver spoon, in a West-end mansion, whilst he was gulping his "parritch,'" with a horn one, in a Gallowgate garret, — bring up a genteel family, attain municipal honours, and then retire with a fortune, or perhaps die, or fail, and 160 THE beggar's benison. thus go down for ever — it's all one how, in Glasgow — in the vortex of an ordinary mortality cycle, or that of a sweeping commercial crisis; and all this take place in the course of a decade, or a couple at most! There are many instances, such as the foregoing, on record, connected with the careers of Scottish boys, and perhaps there may be similar instances known connected with those of English, and particularly London boys. The case of Whit- tington, indeed, is one, and likely there have been scores of Whittingtons. But what in London may be called the exception, is, in Scottish commercial towns, invariably the rule. In the latter there is no such thing, in commercial life, as the professed drudge, or hack, or even clerk, whose aim is to carry on, in the same undeviating career, during the course of a lifetime, and who looks up to an employer, as a dog does to a master. On the other hand, there are thou- sands, nay myriads, in London, who have no other idea than to be employed as menials, and to remain menials, through- out life, even though highly paid. That such antagonistic phenomena should exist connected with the respective com- mercial economics of the two great metropolitan cities of England and Scotland, is a singular fact, but still it is a fact! To our tale however. I passed through the city home- wards, at a much more rapid pace than I had gone the opposite way, in the morning; and on reaching my mother's humble dwelling found her and Sissy, as well as my aunt, assembled round the little fire, or ingle, as they liked to call it, talking about the state of our afifairs, and the discouraging prospects before us. Of course, I did not delay telling them all about my efforts, and of my ultimate success, expecting great commendation for the one, and congi'atulation for the other. These, no doubt, were awarded to me, but I confess I felt a little disappointed when I found that they did not put such a high value upon the latter as I did myself, for instead of estimat- ing the situation I had acquired, or rather the " salary" attached to it, as a perfect sufficiency to maintain the whole family in independence and comfort, in keeping with my castle-building ideas; they demonstrated, by a very short process of calculation, in which the price of oatmeal formed THE BEGGAES BEXISOX. 161 a principal element, that it was barely large enough to provide my own food, let alone clothing and other outfitting, which the respectability of the employment I had undertaken, and the standing of my employer, imperatively demanded, parti- cularly if it was to be expected that I should make any im- pression on the latter which would lead to advancement. Nevertheless, it was considered something ; and what with even the still more miserable remuneration that poor Sissy was to receive at the mill — with small prospect of advance- ment in her case — and my mother's occasional employment as a washers^oman, we, upon the whole, were induced to hope that we would be enabled to maintain ourselves, or, as the expression used was, "keep soul and body together!" CHAPTER XYIII. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. From less to more, the insect grows, The butterfly, from the grub; The merchant, from the starying boy, The great man, from the scrub ! Tlie Goosedubbs Poet. On the morning of the Monday succeeding the important day of the engagement which I had entered into with my new employer, and whose name I may mention was Samnel Silvertop, Esq. — of the firm of Samuel Silvertop and Company, Merchants, Puncheon Lane, Glasgow — exactly as the town bells were tolling eight o'clock, I duly sounded, with official vehemence, the knocker of the said Mr. Silvertop's door, which vmmm^m ^f"'^. ^P^^^^^' ^ received, after ex- plainmg who I was, a heai'ty scold from his "servant lass" — altliough the word lass was scarcely applicable to her, she being evidently on the sinister side of fifty, and withal, de- mure looking, and violent in her language — for knocking so loud. Bell, however, as I learned after- wards to call her, gave me the office keys, when I proceeded there, and immediately commenced >vork, b}^ not only going through the curricu- lum of duties that had been laid down to me by my respected master — from the removal of the outside windoAv shutters to the dusting of the desks — but in addition, I took a pail and worsted clout, which I found in a press, and having filled the THE BEGGARS BEXISON. 163 who former, with water from a neighbouring well, I duly washei the office floor, I then wliitened . -. . the hearth -with some pipe- clay that I likewise found in the press, and finally, bnished and blackleaded the grate, and inibbed up the chairs and other articles of furniture round about, till they shone again. I then took my position on a high stool at an inward desk, and there awaited the coming of Mr. Silvertop, and his right hand man, Mr. Bracepiece (the gentleman whom I had first seen when I made application at the office for the situation I had now entered upon), were not long of making their appearance. "A-ha!" exclaimed Mr. Silvertop, as he entered the office, and gazed around at the preparations I had made, ''this indeed looks well for a beginning; our new boy promises not to belie the estimation I have fonned of him ! '' "New besoms sweep clean," replied Mr. Bracepiece, "at least I have generally found such to be the case. We'll see, if he will continue a month or even a week at this work, and then I'll express my opinion as to his merits." The gentlemen then commenced to break open the seals of several letters which they found in the letter-box, and to read these with considerable interest, after which, they respectively took to what seemed to have been their ordinary avocations in the office, Mr. Silvertop occupying himself with a news- paper that had been left by a news-boy, and into the mysteries of which he seemed to plunge with no inconsiderable relish, and Mr. Bracepiece commencing to write in a huge ledger which he took from an iron safe, and which ledger had brass clasps, and a padlock, making it look something altogether mysterious and formidable. As for myself, I now felt very much like a fish out of the water, although in consideration that I sat perched on the top of the high stool already mentioned, I perhaps, instead of a fish, looked rather like a fowl — that is a weather-cock, on 104 THE beggar's benison. the summit of a steeple, and probably Mr. Bracepiece thought so too, for he occasionally darted a humorous glance at me, as if he wondered what I could be thinking about. At last Mr. Silvertop cast aside the newspaper, having probably got through its contents, and rising from his seat, stated to Mr. Bracepiece that he would "take a turn the length of the coffee-room." In reply to this Mr. Bracepiece said nothing, but as his superior left the office, he took the newspaper and commenced to read. This I considered rather dry work, and I co\ild not help contrasting it, in my mind, with the more interesting occu- pation I had formerly had, at the same time of day, in attending school, and playing with my contemporaries. Nor was the monotony that I now experienced in the least degree lessened by the ticking of a German clock that hung against the w^U, the pendulum of which vibrated with a regularity that made me perfectly miserable. Mr. Bracepiece likewise, in his turn, exhausted the news- paper, and also rising, left the office, when I, in imitation of my betters, now assumed the paper, and commenced to scan its contents, which, to say the truth, I did not find at all interesting. It contained, in the first place, a number of. advertisements, not one of which I could persuade myself was worth the least notice, although both Mr. Silvertop and Mr. Bracepiece had devoted more attention to the page con- taining tliese, than to any other part of the paper. It further contained long columns of market quotations, and of prices- THE beggar's bexisox. 165 current, and, in addition, some extracts from the London Gazette regarding a war going on, on the Continent, in which the King's troops were engaged, but as to which war, I had never heard, far less read, a word until this moment, althoiigh I \'ividly recollected the pleasure and excitement I had ex- perienced some weeks before, in witnessincr a gi^and illumina- tion, and display of fireworks, which took place in honour of a great battle that had been fought, and ^dctory obtained, but the merits of which had never been explained to me. It had been sufficient for me, as indeed it was to most of the population who witnessed the display, that on that occasion much powder had been burned, accompanied with villanous smells therefrom, and many guns and pistols had been fired off, some of which had burst and taken off the fingers of one laddie, and killed outright another — the former of said laddies haA"iDg previously robbed his mother of sixpence, with which he had bought the powder, that did the damage. I soon got through the newspaper, not caring to read the leaders, nor several long debates in Parliament, or the names of a great many noblemen and gentlemen that had attended a King's levee in London — all of which it contained; so I laid the paper down again on the spot from whence I had lifted it, and once more took my place on the high stool, there to await the return of my masters, and to endure the ticking of the everlasting clock. Mr. Bracepiece shortly after this made his appearance; but when he beheld me perched in the same spot, and looking as unmeaning as before, he was evidently distressed. "Here," he said, as he placed a penny on the desk before me, "take that, and go and buy a roll for yourself, for you must be hungry, and by the time you come back, I shall have some work for you." I accordingly lifted the penny and proceeded outwards, when, on coming to a baker's shop, I was not long dilatory in purchasing the roll, nor in eating it, after which, fearing that I might be blamed if I staid away too long, I immediately returned to the office. This excessive dutifiilness, however, I mi^'ht have spared myself, for, on entering the office, Mr, Bracepiece exclaimed, "confound you, are you back already?" and otherwise indi- cated that he was rather more annoyed, than delighted, with my extreme attention. 166 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. Of course, I had not sense, nor experience, sufficient to descry that I was a bore, so I clambered to my perch again, and there sat staring at Mr. Bracepiece, who, as he wrote, could not help smiling good naturedly at me notwithstanding. The work he had, in the interim, prepared for me was simply the delivery of a couple of notes, and which he now despatched me with, evidently glad to get me out of the office on any pre- tence, but which piece of good inten- tion I ingenuously baulked by running all the way, and after delivering them, by returning as quickly, and out of breath, and that too, as he expressed himself when relating the circumstance to Mr. Silvertop, who in the mean- Wf^^M^^^fl '.; : tiTCiQ had come back to the office "in §1 ' IhC-'^S^^"- r--^' *^^^ course of no time at. all." " ^- . — •-. >--> ^^^^ ^i^^^g passed the first day of my service in the employment of Samuel Silvertop and Company. It had been one of tedium to me, and evidently of no great pleasure, so far as I was concerned, to the firm; so that, when I returned to my mother's dwelling, it was with greatly subdued feelings, compared with those, I had possessed on tlie day of my primary engagement. Indeed I felt so much disappointment that, I did not partake with any relish, the humble supper of porridge and milk which our little circle as usual gathered round, a circumstance that was noticed by my mother, and in particular by kind little Sissy, who put her arms round my neck and tried to console me. Poor little Sissy! she little thought at the time, as she did so, that it was even better for her that I was thus disappointed, and that I should remain so; for, under such cir- cumstances, I would be likelier to continue as a brother to her, than otherwise might be the case, were things going smoother and pleasanter, and more in THE beggar's bexisox. 167 consonance with the Utopian ideas I had been indulging in, and which ideas, if realised, were to promote myself, not others. She little dreamt, in short, that I was writhing under the disappointment of an incipient ambition to get up in the world, and to soar beyond the paltry position, which till now, I had occupied, but which I heartily despised. No doubt, if I did so advance, I did not altogether contemplate leaATJig entirely behind, the recollection of the past, or of those who had been my gi^ovelling compeers in that — to be — repudiated era of my existence ; but, if I did remember them, it was to be only as a patron, and as a veiy munificent and condescending one. I slept that night little, and what little I did sleep, was uni'efreshing, and in strong contrast \\dth the repose of poor Sissy, who, fatigued with the labours which her little hands and limbs were condemned to undergo at the mill, and dis- turbed by no ambitious or selfish aim, to eclipse her station, slumbered healthfully and refreshingly, on the coarse and hard crib, which she, along with her mother, occupied in a corner of •the apartment, which served the whole family as dining-room, drawing-room, and dormitory. I, however, arose the next morning, as early as usual, and again was at my post in the office of Samuel Silvertop and Company, in good time to do all the work, if not as thoroughly as I had done it, the day before, at all events, to such extent as was necessary, and which seemed to please both the head of the house and Mr Bracepiece equally well. Mr Bracepiece on this occasion was prepared with some work for me. A parcel of circulars came in from the printer, and these he folded, sealed, and addi'essed, and then desii*ed me to deliver them; which duty occupied a considerable time and imposed upon me no small exercise, both of the brains and the limbs, for the addresses of the circulars had to be sought out, and when attained, I found them in some instances situated as high up as three pairs of stairs reached By the time, too, that I had delivered these, and got back to the office, I found that a large supply of goods had come in, and which, being taken to a back office, where there was a table for the purpose, they were made up into small parcels, in which opera«tion, assisted by Mr. Bracepiece, I acquitted 168 THE beggar's benison. myself much to his satisfaction, I having studied the art of making up, and papering, and tying parcels, as practised by shop- keej^ers, by gazing at the process, through shop windows, when I had nothing else to do. These parcels I was now de- spatched with, to several carriers' quarters throughout the city, they being addressed to customers of the firm, resident in the country, and as some of these carriers' quarters lay at considerable distances from the office, it may be well believed that, I underwent no small fatigue in performing the duty. The exertion, however, onerous as it was, was a pleasure compared with being idle, and suffering the ennui and tedium which I had experienced the day before, while doing nothing. After this period, things went much pleasanter with me, at the office, in fact they improved from day to day, and I began not only to like, but to delight in my occupation, par- ticularly as the office and the work became more familiar to me, and as I made acquaintance with the inmates of other offices, employed in like duties to those, I was engaged in myself. I had many other ways, likewise, of interesting, if not amusing myself, connected with my position. I peeped into letters, which gave me an opportunity of learning how our distant customers were pleased, and how the business of the firm was getting on ; pried into the ledger, when by any chance Mr Bracepiece left the office, and forgot to lock that important volume, by which I came to have a guess as to how the profits stood; and otherwise lost no opportunity of acquiring useful knowledge. Nor was I altogether idle in the scribbling way; for, not- withstanding the injunctions I had got at first, and the covenant I had entered into, not to touch the office pens and ink, I lost no opportunity of employing these, on the scraps of old letters that had been torn and flung into the fireplace. I became a great studier of the several hand-writings on these, and where a letter or a figiu'e was good, imitated it, and in doing this, could not fail to improve my own hand-writing. THE beggar's bexisox. 169 I like^se imitated the hands of Mr. Silvertop and of Mr. Bracepiece, and could even sign tlie firm so like these gentle- men themselves, that few could liaA'e noticed any difference. This emulation to be a clerk, of course, could not fail in time to come under the observation of my masters, and par- ticularly that of Mr. Bracepiece, Avho, much to my joy, instead of reproving, rather encom^aged it. He first entrasted me to address letters, then parcels, and then to copy letters themselves, into the letter-book, and which pleased him pretty well, viith. the exception of the orthography, the latter being, in modem phrase, rather too "phojietic^^ for his taste, but which, in course of time, gave way to improvement. From less to more I got on wonderfully, in the office. In fact, Mr. Bracepiece could not keep me in work, for I ex- hausted everything in that way, which he entrusted me with, so far as supplementary books were concerned, and I daresay I would like%vise have grappled with the ledger itself, had it suited him to place that mysterious commercial missal within my keeping. This, however, was out of the question ; for not only was I too young, for such an undertaking, but the firm of Samuel Silvei-top & Company being particularly jealous as to their business, made it a nile to maintain the strictest secrecy re- garding it, and it was well, in consequence, that when I did make so bold as to peep into the big book, upon the rare occasions of Mr. Bracepiece's neglect, which have been alluded to, that that gentleman did not detect me. Had he done so, I daresay he would have made short work with my engagement, and that I would soon have been in quest of other employment and other masters, in consequence. Instead, however, of being in the least degi-ee suspicious of me, he cA-idently placed the greatest confidence in my seeming ingenuousness and propriety, at the same time appre- ciating my exertions otherwise. As a proof of this, after I had been only a year in the emi:)loyment of the firm, he doubled my salary ; at the end of another year he doubled it again ; and I daresay at the end of the succeeding year would have further doubled it, had he not had reasons for acting otherwise. These he communicated to me in a very flattering, and at the same time, in a very satisfactory manner, one day vrhen 170 THE beggar's benison. we were left alone in the office by ourselves, with some chance of being undisturbed. He then exi)laincd that Mr. Silvertop was about to retire from the firm, and at the same time from commerce altogether. That, in consequence, he was to take the reversion of the business upon himself, but as the change involved the necessity of several connections being renounced, and only a simple and at the same time remunerative agency being retained, he would not require my services after a certain period. Although, however, he went on to explain, having observed the lack-a-daisical expression that my coun- tenance had assumed at this rather startling revelation, he had taken care that I should be no loser by the change ; for he had procured for me from another firm, a member of which had been in the habit of calling, on business, at our office, and had favourably noticed my attention and industry, the promise of an engagement, on a vacancy occurring, for three years, commencing with a salary of no less than forty pounds, and rising five pounds every year afterwards. In that office, he concluded by informing me, I would have capital opportunities of getting on; for, in addition to the greater pay which I would receive, I would see business on a scale, compared with which, what I had wit- nessed in Samuel Silvertop & Company's, was as nothing. It may well be supposed that this piece of information had an extraordinary effect upon me. Indeed, so much so was this the case, that I could not even utter a word in gratitude to my kind benefactor, who, looking at his watch, and de- claring that he had an engagement to meet, rose from his seat, and passing from the office, left me to contend with the various emotions that pervaded my mind as I sat in Mr. Silvertop's arm-chair, which, for the nonce, I had popped myself into. CHAPTER XIX. I N T r. O D U C T (» E Y DOGGERELS. Sad is the facr, that must be to'd — Though told with shame, and tears — We grow in selfishness and vice, As we do grow in years '. The Goosedubbs Poet. I DID not move from my seat in the office for some time, but sat pondering on tlie unexpected piece of good luck that had befallen to me, and building, in consequence, no small amount of castles in the air. I indulged in a perfect elysium of joy, which ran away with the time so rapidly, and delightfully, that I did not perceive twilight had stolen upon me, and that the brightness which I enjoyed, was that of my own idea.'^;, and not of the sun or moon, although the latter might well have been said to have been influencing me, so nearly approaching to phantasies of the brain, were the absurdities which, I was allowing myself to entertain. Starting up, however, I proceeded to close the office, after which, I felt a great desire to communicate my happiness to others, on the principle, perhaps, as the poet sings, that that delightful sensation "was born a twin." Of coui-se, it ^ill very naturally be suj^posed that those to whom I should feel disposed to make such an important communication, could be no other than the members of my own family, namely, my mother and little Sissy, but such was not the case. To be explicit, I now had others whose company had more attractions for me than that of those, I have named; for, although I have neglected to narrate anything regard- 172 THE beggar's bexison. ing these, I may now mention tliat I had for some months been cultivating friendships, and acquaintanceships, very difFereut from wiiat I liad formerly been accustomed to. I had not been, in short, the very dutiful and simple boy that I have been warranted, in representing myself, up to the period of my engagement with Samuel Silvertop & Com- pany ; but, if I must confess it, perhaps the very reverse. Alas ! instead, therefore, of going home to my mother and poor little. Sissy, as I would certainly have done a year or so previously, and communicating, for their comfort and delight, the news of my ])romotion, with its accom- panying pecuniary advantages, which should have been the means of raising them, as well as myself, in society, and of saving them, in particular, from heavy and even degrading toil — while, at the same time, procuring them something better in the way of nutriment, than coarse porridge three times a-day — I did no such thing. On the contrary, I bent my steps towards the lodgings of a young man named Tom Throstle, whose acquaintanceship I had formed some four or five months previously, and whose friendship I had cultivated, in consequence of admiring his manners, and style of dressing, as well as his views of society, which were upon a much more extended scale, than I had been in the habit of contemplating, no doubt, from my ignorance and want of experience. This chap Throstle, had, like myself, risen from the dirt ; and in his own, as well as my opinion, had attained no small altitude ; for he was in receij)t of a salory of forty-five pounds per annum, as a clerk in a cotton spinning-mill oflice, and was enabled, in consequence, to occupy a lodging, situ- ated in one of the lanes, that led from the Trongate, or main street of the city; and which lodging lay, up four fiights of stairs, it being a portion of a small, loftily located, though snug garret flat, which was rented by a decent " widow- woman," of restricted means, named Mrs. Gusset, and who found it necessary to let a portion of said garret, towards the payment of her rent, if not towards the means of sus- tnining herself and a son, whom she was educating for the **holy ministry." On rapping at Mrs. Gusset's door, which was opened by the worthy widow herself, I was immediately requested to- THE BEGGARS BEXISOX. 173 walk in, my friend Throstle being at home, and enjoying himself with a pipe, and a tankard of ale, nsi he^t pji deshabille — that is, in an old rasfored surtout — at the vrin- dow of his apartment, which commanded a splendid view of the roofs of the neigh- bouriug houses, although by this time, they were almost completely obscured by the shades of evening, and the smoke of numerous chim- ney pots — a gi-eat variety of which, were observable froul the said garret window. I had often been in this lodging before, as the guest of Tom Throstle, and considered it a very comfortable "shop"' indeed. It consisted of a single apartment — not veiy lofty in the ceiling, but high enough, if you did not wear your hat, — containing two half-concealed bed places, one of which was devoted to the slumbering hours of Tom, and the other to the accommoda- tion of some small boxes, and a chest, which held the ele- ments of his wardrobe. It likewise had a fire-place, a small black mahogany table, with a well washed out and faded cover; three or four old-fashioned straight-backed chairs; an old easy chair — which Tom occupied — and a rather "skrimp" carpet. In my mind, Tom Throstle had always appeared a very happy and lucky fellow, to be able to possess such a lodging, and I had often thought that if ever I came to enjoy as large a salary as he did, I would have just such another; and which piece of ambition I had repeatedly ex- pressed to Tom Throstle, on which occasions, he had been pleased to say that he approved of my ideas. And now that I was about to realize this summit of happi- ness, it was not to be wondered at, if this pet idea should again flash through my mind, as with a joyous countenance I walked into Mr. Throstle's room. Throstle was a cool fellow, and had a manner of his own, which he prided himself in. He did not rise from his chair 174 THE beggar's BEXISON. to welcome me, nor did he even say "how dy'e do?" but he gently tapped with one hand, the ashes from his little black cutty pipe — which pipe he used to say he valued more than its weight in gold — and with the other hand, raised the pewter tankard to his mouth and finished the contents thereof, after which he rubbed his mouth, with the back of his hand, and exclaimed, ''Well ! — you have just come as the elements are exhausted ! " It is probable that, in saying this, he meant to apologise for not asking me to partake of his hospitality on the occasion; but when I said that I had something of the utmost im- portance to cri'umunicate to him, and which would astonish and perhaps delight him, he replied, "hold hard a minute ! — talking is dry work, so I'll send the old lady out for some more beer and 'bacco, and then I'll hear what you have to say." This he proceeded to do, in the interim lighting a mutton dip, and in about five minutes afterwards— during which period I felt as if I would burst with the pressure of my pent up information — the widow returned with two pewter pints of sweet ale, and a parcel of cut twist, which she plac-^d on the table, along with twopence or threepence, of copper change, after counting which, and appropriating a pint to me, and a pint to himself, and refilling his cutty, and lighting it at the dip, Mr. Throstle sent out a savoury pui3f of smoke, — which curled to the ceiling in the most approved shape of "cloud" — and exclaimed, "proceed!" " Well then," said I, " I am about to leave the employ- ment of Samuel Silvertop & Company, and I thought I would just call on you, Tom, and let you know about it" " Indeed," replied Tom, "and do you call that good news'?" "Aye," I answered, "but Mr. Bracepiece has got me into Gunter, Slide & Company's, for three years, at a salary of ^40 THE beggar's benisox. 1'?5 for the first year, £45 for tlie second, and £50 for the thkd. What think you of that?" "Well," replied Throstle, with the coolness of manner that distinguished him, and which I adored, "its no more than a young fellow of your talents and attainments deser^'es, and its the least Bracepiece could have done for you, after serving the firm so faithfully and so well, for the time you have been with them ! " I was perfectly enchanted with this commendatory expres- sion of Tom's sentiments towards me, and could not help turning round and eyeing the vacant bed place in his room, which he observing, exclaimed, "I know ^'hat you are thinking of You'll now be able to join me in this lodging; for, of course, you'll never think of living any longer with .your beggarly old mother and sister, and trailing your fatigued limbs through the mud of the Gallowgate, such a length of road every day, when you can live like a gentleman nearer to business ! " To this flattering remark regarding my motlier and Sissy, I merely nodded assent, while Tom went on as follows: — "And it will suit both me and the old woman, Mrs. Gusset, deuced well; for to tell you the truth, both she and I, under present cii'cumstances, are rather pressed — she in one sense getting too little for her lodging, and I in another, paying too much. Now, by your joining me, we will square it thus: we will pay her jointly four-and-sixj)ence a week, which to each will be two and tlu'eepence; and that, while saving me ninepence a week, will reward her with eighteenpence addi- tional." I thought a good deal of this calculation and scheme, but still I was forced to throw cold water upon it, by telling Tom that I was not immediately to commence with Gunter, Slide and Company, and consequently would not be in the enjoy- ment of the enlarged salary for a proportionate time ; besides, I was obliged to confess, that little as I had been called upon to contribute towards my mother, out of what I got from Silvertop & Company, I had even been dilatory in paying that little, and was therefore actually in debt to her, which, in consequence, had straightened her and little Sissy's cir- cumstances and comforts to a considerable extent. To this Tom replied, "Oh! as to that, keep your mind 176 THE beggar's BENISON. f3asy ; a motker will never be so inhumane as to prosecute a poor son for debt; and as to the salary, why we will manage to discount that, so as to enable you to enjoy it before it is due." The ingenious Tom meant by this that he would obtain for me credit, or as he expressed it, "tick," and as I looked upon him as an extremely clever fellow, I was very much inclined to endorse his sentiments, although I had great misgivings about theni; at the same time. He left me, how- ever, little choice in the matter, having once made up his mind to it; for he went on to say, that if I did not secure the vacant moiety of his lodging forthwith, I might possibly lose the chance altogether. "The fact is," he continued, "both Mrs. Gusset and I must do something, and that immediately ; she in order to get more money, and I to pay less; for you know, she is bringing that lazy rascal of a son, Nahum, that she has, up for the ministry, and consequently has, in addition to feeding him, to pay his clothes and college fees, which amount to a tax upon her means, that is like to upset her altogether." This was an appeal that T could not contend against. T had often seen the said Nahum — a long, dismal looking student, on the stair — or in the lobby, on the occasions of my visits to Tom, as he strode past me in his inisty black clothes and shrunk second-hand red college gown, with a lot of books un- der his arm. I, therefore, agreed that, as soon as possible, I should take up my abode with Tom, on the terms that had been spoken of, and on the head of which I invited him to accompany me to a tavern close by, where T would treat him to a tripe supper, and a drop of some- thing comfortable. Tom and I accordingly adjourned to the tavern, where we had tripe in per- fection, and no small allowance of ale and toddy, during the discussion of which, Tom amused me by a description of some parties he had been at lately, where there had beei dancing and music, and where he had met with some remarV THE beggar's bexison. 177 ably fine girls, whom he would introduce me to, when I became enabled, as a fellow lodger, to go with him to these parties, to which, he did not doubt, he had influence enough to get me invitations, pai-ticularlj if I went to the expense of a suit of "dress toggery." Tom here drew out several notes of invitations which he had lately got, to attend some of these parties, one being from Miss this, and another from Miss that, and these he provok- ingly flashed before my face. One of these, however, he allowed me to read, and though I was -inexperienced in such literary productions, and no gi^eat scholar Tvithal, I could not help being stnick with its style, both as respected composi- tion and orthogi^aphy. Still I was much taken with the gentility of the thing, and, with the happy life Tom led, to join which, I now became impatient, particularly as I was rather excited by the drink I had taken, and which, not being much accustomed to, had slightly intoxicated me. The treat to Tom and myself, cost me a pretty penny, for, after paying the reckoning, I had little left in my pocket, and it was with something like - heavy heart that i turned my way homewards, as the town bells rang the hour of ten o'clock. On my way, I turned matters over in my selfish mind. I contrasted the seemingly genteel position that Tom held, with my own vulgar one. I contemplated my "beggarly mother," as Tom called her, and my little beggarly sister, with morti- fication. I began to feel a repugnance towards them, and to consider them, as being in the way of my advancement. The good luck which had befallen me that day, I looked upon as being peculiarly my own, and what nobod^i had any right to participate in, but myself. In my mind, it was but the commencement of greatness; but how was I to enjoy that gi-eatness if I had such a millstone about my neck as these relatives? I was in no happy mood of mind, in consequence, as I approached my mother's humble " bield" — that bield which till lately had possessed so many charms for me, but which now, alas ! had all fled. I, therefore, entered it scornfully and sulkily, while throwing myself carelessly upon a chair, without deigning to cast a look on either of its inmates, although Sissy 178 THE BEGGARS BENISON. had risen from her seat near the ingle, and had expressed a desire that I shoukl occupy it. Poor thing, although she had refrained from going to bed, entirely, that she might wait upon my coming home — an ordeal which of late, in consequence of my growing rather irregular in my habits, she had been obliged to practice, not- withstanding the fact that she had to rise shortly after five o'clock every morning, as a worker at the mill — and although she had retained for me a cog-full of porridge which she had kept warm at the fireside, with a cup-full of milk, I did not choose to recognise her at all. On the contrary, I kept sulking and frowning in the comer which I had chosen, and to all the soothing remarks that were addressed to me, I only returned a surly humph! As for the porridge and milk, I looked upon them as dog's meat, and — notwithstanding the supper I had taken in the tavern, with its accompaniments, had not agreed with me — I kept contrasting them, unfavourably in my mind, with the tripe, and the ale, and the toddy, which I looked upon as being so much superior, or at all events genteeler. Tliis, my ill nature soon led me to give practical proof of, for on poor Sissy approaching me with the porridge in one hand and the milk in the other, with a recommendation that I should taste and see how nice and good they were, I brutally struck the trench- er from below, with my hand, and scattered the con- tents thereof, over her face and person, as well as upon the floor. Poor little thing — the out- rage seemed utterly to con- found her, and caused her to burst into tears, while my mother exclaimed against the shame and sinfulness of thus abusing the mercies of God, as she called them; telling me at the same time, that to save them for me, both she and Sissy had straitened themselves — the meal the THE beggar's benison. 179 porridge was made of, being the last they had in the house, and bought with the last penny they had in theii' purse. Execrable scoundrel that I was ! — so far from this appeal touching my feelings, as it should have done, and softening my heart, it had the contrary effect ; for with something like a chuckle, at the lark — as my valued friend Tom Throstle would have called it — I hastily threw off my clothing; tossed my sotted body upon the bed; and rolled myself up in the blankets. Nor did my hardened mind even relent when I observed my poor mother and sister, after having gathered the remains of the pomdge from the very floor, sit do\vn thankfully to partake of them, though poor Sissy while she did so, continued to sob, which might have proved to me, if proof had been necessary, that her hunger was great, when it thus, as it were, prevailed over her sadness, caused by my inhumanity and intense selfishness. CHAPTER XX. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. See the fast youth, how snobbishly, He ventures to intrude Upon the world, — nor knows 'tis but The growth of puppyhood I The Goosedubbs Poet. I AWOKE next morning, with a severe lieadache, at what I considered an early hour, for it was only shortly after six o'clock, and scarcely daylight, and yet I found that poor Sissy had, long before, left for her toilsome occupation at the mill, there being, in those days, no sufficient Factory Act, like what we, very properly, have now, to prevent people, and particularly children, from being overworked in such establishments. It is true that Parliament had legislated upon the subject, so far back as 1802, and again in 1809, when respective Acts, for such a desirable object, were obtained by the first Sir Robert Peel — the father of the great minister of the same name, whose demise, under such melancholy accompanying circumstances, the country had to mourn in 1850 — but, unfortimately, these were inopera- tive, for the purpose aimed at, in consequence of some defects, connected with their construction; and it was not till 1833, that really workable Acts were obtained, greatly to his honour, by Lord Ashley, now the Earl of Shaftesbury, which have been in operation ever since, with acknowledged advantages — on all sides — to both employers and employed.. Early as the hour was, and painful as the sensations in my skull were, however, I did not feel inclined to slumber again, but after quenching my feverish thirst with. a bottle of brisk " swipes," which I sent my mother out for, I dressed THE BEGGAR'S BEXISOX. 181 myself, and proceeded to turn out the contents of my trunk, and to examine my clothing, scolding my mother — who sat weeping with vexation — at the same time, for not having some of my linens washed and dressed, exactly to the point of perfection that I desired. If the truth must be t(Dld, I was set on picking a quarrel with her, as a preKminary to the great step which, I had made up my mind to take, namely, to leave her house, and to take up my abode with Tom Throstle ; and this I at last managed, for, on making some very hypercritical, and, indeed, unjust remarks upon the dressing of my shii^ts, and which mode of di-essing, she particularly prided herself upon, she forgot her moderation so far, as to tell me pretty sharply, that perhaps it would be well if I got them done more to my mind, by some other person, and elsewhere. This was just what I wanted, and I accordingly rejoined, that since she was so saucy, as to say so, I would take her advice, hypocritically insinuating, however, in my own way, that it was less from my own choice, than from the way she had been thus pleased to use me, that I did so. I thus man- aged, remarkably well, to play the part of the fox in the fable, and to demonstrate to her, if not to her satisfastion, at all events to my own, that in drinking at the lower portion of the running stream, she befouled that which lay above^-con- sequently the quarrel was complete! Abject and degraded as my mother was, and conscious of what she had been, and what I was cognizant of, connected with her career, she still possessed some pride, and conse- quently, she stuck to what she had said in her haste. And that she would do this, I indeed had calculated upon. She, therefore, did not remonstrate with me, as I packed my trunk, with everything, belonging to me, that was in- the house, and which, after finally locking and cording it, I 182 THE beggar's benison. walked out with, slung upon my back, although I certainly expected that, she would request me to pay the balance I owed to her, and which amounted to something more than three pounds, a sum which I knew, considering the strait- ened circumstances, in which she and Sissy were, could not fail to be of considerable importance to her. Perhaps she thought I was not in earnest, in acting as I did, and that I would repent, and come back again, ere I went far; but if such were her ideas, she was greatly mistaken, for on I trudged with my load, for upwards of a mile, when, in consequence of daylight having advanced so far, and the part of the town to which I had at- '''^ fr'llHff tained having become more populous, whereby I ran the risk of being recognised by some of my genteel friends, while act- ing as a porter, I deposited it in a small tavern, that Tom Throstle and I used to have a can of ale, and a pipe in, when he occasionally accompanied me a bit towards home of an evening — I being then in what may be called the probationary state of excess, that was to lead me to rebellion with my mother. There I deposited, as I have said, the trunk, in the charge of the landlady, resolving to come for it again in the evening, when it was dark, and when nobody would know me, while carrying it. I then walked on, and, by eight o'clock, disturbed Tom Throstle from his morning slumber, he being, like myself, none the better of his last night's dissipation, or as he very elegantly expressed it, "rather seedy," which induced him to send out for a red herring, with which he treated me, along with a share of his breakfast, which other^^'ise consisted of tea and toast, elements which, considering the porridge and milk, I had been accustomed to, I looked upon as being something quite aristocratic. After our repast, Mrs. Gusset, the landlady was called in, when matters were explained to her by Tom Throstle, seem- ingly much to her satisfaction, and a regular bargain entered THE beggar's bexison. . 183 into with her, that I should become a joint lodger with him, in her house, on something like the terms that he had pro- pounded the evening before; and this being arranged, we sallied out, to attend to our respective occupations. Although I had now attained the goal of my immediate desires, however, I did not feel altogether happy under the circumstances; for, notwithstanding my extreme selfishness, my conscience upbraided me. The scene where I had repaid with gross outrage, the proffered kindness of poor Sissy, in spite of my efforts to banish it from my memory, often recurred to my mind. Do what I liked, it forced itself upon my imagination, and would not be kept away. Although I shut my eyes, I beheld the poor thing before me, weeping and forlorn. I saw her look of consternation. Above all, I saw her, forced by hunger, glad to par- take of what I had abused, and this last feature of the little drama, in which I had borne so discreditable a part, would particularly suggest itself to me, when I would be regaling myself, with Tom Throstle, on mutton chops, or beef steaks, washed down with ale, for I had now become so much of a gentleman that I dined every day, at regular hours, and not too early — early dinners being, in my eyes, and likewise in those of Mr. Throstle, very vulgar indeed. Sometimes too, of an evening, I would be left alone — Tom perhaps being away to one or other of those parties he used to brag about, for I had not as yet managed to get an invita- tion to any of them, although Tom was under a solemn pro- mise that it would not be long before I was so honoured, my "dress toggery" being all ready for the desired occasion. Under such lonely circumstances, the tallow dip being per- haps burned out, and the fire low, I was especially haunted by the apparition of my late impropriety. So much so was this the case, that I do believe I would have relented, and gone back to my mother and Sissy, like a second prodigal son, with a petition for forgive- ness — particularly as I was now getting rather pressed for money, in consequence of living beyond my income — had 184 THE beggar's BENISON. an event not occurred to arrest tlie growing possibility of such a procedure. This was nothing less than the arrival, at my lodging, of an invitation card, to an evening party, from a young lady that Tom Throstle had one day introduced me to, while we were playing the part of heaux, on the fashionable side of the Trongate that was frequented, for such a jDurpose, by most of the "young gentlemen" of Glas- gow at that time, the principal portion of these walking gentlemen being, as now, clerks, warehouse- men, and message lads, who had stolen out, at their respec- tive masters' expense, to have a little exercise, and a look at the ladies ! The medium of this important (to me) invitation was, as has been said, a card ; but such a card ! It was triangular, gilt edged, pink coloured, and perfumed, with just a bead of wax for the seal ; while, what delighted me most of all, was the address, which styled me "Esquire," -instead of "Mister" — this being the first occasion on which I had received such an honourable and overpowering title. It Avas unfortunate for me, hoA^'ever, that it arrived at the time it did, though, perhaps, not for my felloAv-lodger, it being just as Tom and I were sitting down to dinner; for, what with the rat-tat at the door, the unexpected appearance of the three-cornered missive, the complimentary address, and the prospect of spending a delightful evening, such as my fancy had indulged in, ever since I had heard the description of such scenes from Tom Throstle, and which now rushed upon my mind with seductive vividness, I could not touch a bit of the beafsteak, from which the cover, in the shape of a plate, bottom upwards, had just been removed, by Mrs. Gusset, and, consequently, Tom got it all to himself THE beggar's bexisox. 185 The invitation ^vas unique of its kind ; and, to this day, I can repeat it verbatim, for I read it at least a dozen of times over, before I went to bed that evening, and as often the next morning. It stated that " Miss So-and-So presented her compliments to Mr. So-and-So, and my mother will be happy if you will favour us with the jAeesure of yom- com- pany to tea and supper, on such and such an evening, and at such and suck an horn', along with your friend, Mr. Thomas Throstle," &c. , &c. , .i^c. Altogether, it was a sterot}-ped edition of the usual cards of invitation that Tom had been in the habit of recei^ing, and which had often led me to break the Tenth Commandment, so much did I covet his good fortune in obtaining so many favours of the kind. Of course, I returned a polite acceptance of Miss So-and- So's invitation, in the shape of another card, and which I delivered with my o^vn hancls, into those of her worthy mother, who herself opened the door, when I rat-tatted thereat, the same evening, shortly after six o'clock, for the puqDose — I having ascei-tained that the young lady would not be home till after eight, she being generally engaged out, as a mantua- maker till that time; and as her said mother did not know me, I thus got the credit of having been able to employ a rather respectable messenger, on the occasion. It is true that I ran some risk, in perpetrating this dodge, of being discovered, for mothers are not always so blind, or so careless, as not to take particular cognizance of those who thus distinguish their daughtei^; but luckily on this occasion, I had reason to flatter myself, I got completely off", fi'om such a difficulty; for, in the first place, the daylight had almost vanished when I presented myself at the '"' stair- head," where lay her residence ; in the second, the candle, which the old lady held in her hand, blew out as she opened the door; and, in the third place, in order to receive the note, she had to wipe her hands, ^\^th her apron, free from soap- suds, the excellent woman haxdng evidently been occupied in the very proper domestic engagement of washing — and all these contingencies contributed so much to the diversion of her attention from me, that my success was unmistakable. It was with no small exultation, therefore, that I retreated from the door of my prospective entertainers, and wended my way to the establishment of a professor of dancing, named 186 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. Monsieur Passeul, with whom I had contracted, some days previously, to take twelve lessons in dancing and politesse — two or three of which, I had already got — at the cost of one guinea for the course. Monsieur Passeul, of course, was understood to be a Frenchman, and, in consequence, supposed to be the very- fittest individual in the world for instructing, in such accom- plishments, although, when I came to speak to him, I could not observe anything particularly French about him, except- ing that he spoke witli an English accent, and asperated his vowels, an unmistakable proof, as Tom Throstle, who had introduced me to him, observed, of his Parisian origin, I got on remarkably well with Monsieur, who played to perfection, even while danc- ing, and bounding, and capering about, him- self, in order to show how the steps and figures should be performed. There were other four or five young men, of like calibre to myself, who attended this class, and, by the ingenuity of Monsieur Passeul, we managed to go through with quadrilles, then quite a novelty, and just imported from France, country dances, minuets, and even waltzes — each young man in his turn alternately, taking the lady's part — there being, of course, no ladies in the class. This occupation of my evenings, on the whole, I rather liked, and but for the cir- cumstance that Monsieur Passeul was ever on the alert to notice my faults, in common with those of his other pupils, and, in consequence, often reminding me that I should point my toes, or keep my arms at my sides, or my hands down, or my legs straight, I would have enjoyed the thing thoroughly. I, however, having my heart in the study, made wonder- ful progress, and, by the time the twelve lessons were ex- hausted, which was on the evening exactly previous to that which was to be devoted to the important entertainment of Tom Throstle's friends, I felt myself quite equal to the occa- sion, and up to the mark, at all events in my own estima- THE beggar's bexison 187 tion, if not that of Tom's ; for, as he sapiently remarked, while we talked matters over at night — and I received a good many advices from him, as to how I should comport myself — it would have been as well, if I had had some experience in civilized dancing parlies, where ladies were present, instead of only "horse-marine quadrilles," and '*' bull-reels," with men who were as heavily footed as if they were hoofed, and shod with iron ! CHAPTER XXI. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Lead down the dance! O'er life's expanse, We do but dance, from day to day — Till cruel Death cuts short our breath, When to the grave, we dance away ! The Gooseduhbs Poet. The eventful day at last arrived, which was to usher me into what T considered, the very perfection of gay life and gentility; and therefore it may not be wondered at, if I should retain, to this day, a vivid recollection of its circumstances, and love to dilate upon all particulars connected therewith. I spent a great deal of time, to begin with, immediately on rising from my bed, much to the annoyance of Tom Throstle, whom I disturbed thereby, in inspecting the clothes I was to wear at the party, and afterwards in gazing at myself in the cracked look- ing glass, with the help of which the said Tom and I adorned ourselves every morning; I brushed and re- brushed my new coat, till it had not a speck on it; and I likewise attempted to make still brighter than they were before. my *' danc- although I mg pumps thought I rather dimmed them than otherwise by the effort, and so likewise thought Tom, who took things much more THE BEGGAR S EEXISOX. 189 easily than I did, lie being, as lie said, not so new fangled in such matters : a state I possibly myself might aiTive at some day when, like him, I would look upon parties, rather as being bores, than otherwise ! Of course, I ate very little breakfast that morning, and even less dinner afterwards, my thoughts being entirely engaged on what was to come; and immediately after the latter repast was concluded, I commenced to dress, while Tom smoked his pipe, and looked on, and criticised- Although I took plenty of time, however, to embellish myself, I was finished with my toilet long before the period when we were to set out, and indeed before Tom had thought proper to commence, to the adorament of his person ; I con- sequently had to wait his -turn, while I felt myself stiff in my new nankeen pants, my buff vest, with an enormous ruffle sticking from my breast, which made me resemble, as Tom said, a "cropper pigeon;" and my long swallow-tailed blue coat, with brass buttons — these articles of dress being consi- dered up to the most fashionable taste of the day. At last, Tom and I, having rigged ourselves out, abandoned our lodgings, and held on our way towards if g our destination, he be- ing arrayed similarly to myself, and as we pass- ed along the streets, it not being yet quite dark, we began to at- tract the attention of the passers by, and par- ticularly that of the boys, who stared most vulgarly, and impu- dently at us, and some of whom, even cried out "there go the dandies!" while attempting to imitate our gait. This rather annoyed me, and I was glad when Tom inti- mated that he had to call at a shop, which I found to be that of a barber, and in which we both took refuge, I wondering what he was going to be about. This I soon found out. In the shop there were other 190 THE BEGGARS BENISON. three or four young men lounging about : one being at the time in the hands of tlie friseui\ who, as soon as he had " polished him off," as Tom expressed it, took to another with a like result. At last it came to Tom's turn, with whom the barber took particular care. He first enveloped him in a sheet, then he trimmed his locks and whiskers; then he curled the former with a pair of hot irons; and then he smeared his hair with an oleagenous mixture, till it shone again; all which accounted for the " Hyperion curls," as Hamlet expresses it, which Tom was in the habit of displaying, much to the excitement of my invidious feelings, but which, to tliis mo- ment, I had thought were quite real and natural to him, although they did, at times, look more curly than at others. On Tom rising from his seat, both the barber and he looked at me, while the former said, "Have your hair dressed. Sir*? — only sixpence, Sir ! " and the latter followed up the sugges- tion, by saying, "Do so — you'll find it quite killing!" So I forthwith assumed the seat, and was immediately enveloped in the sheet. The process was ratlier pain- ful to me, for the tonseur rug- ged most violently at my locks with his hot irons, but for which he excused himself, on the plea that my hair was uncommonly tough, and resistable to the heat, although, if I continued the process, he went on to say, it would soon yield, even as Mr. Throstle's had done. I thought well of the barber's advice, for to tell the truth, this system of hair curling on the part of the youths of that day — and even on that of older and more staid men — was quite a fashionable practice. Indeed, a " dandy" was not considered up to the mark, if he appeared at a party, and particularly a dancing one, otherwise than with his hair resembling a bouquet of corkscrews, or the usual round swirley mop, still to be seen on board of steamboats, on THE beggar's BEXISON. 191 sea-sick occasions; while, at the same time, the hirsute trophy would be soaked and shining with " Bear's Grease," " Row- land's Macassar," " Marrow Ointment," "Rose Oil," or other " creashy'' element, which now, is more appropriately applied to the lubricating of machineiy. The expense, however, of the curling process, was a matter of some consideration, although Tom suggested an ingenious method of modifjdng it, by contracting with the barber — a system, which I found out, he had long ago adopted. At last the curling was completed, and when I looked in the glass I did think it a great improvement, and in some mea- sure a recompense for the torture I had undergone. I, there- fore, cheerfully paid the barber his sixpence, and walked out, feeling that — what with my nankeen pants, my blue swallow- tailed coat, and my curls — I could not fail to make a fa- vourable impression on the fair ones I was about to meet. On arriving at the house of our entertainer, and which lay up three flights of stairs, as al- ready has been stated, Tom rapped very loudly at the knocker, to add, as he explain- ed, to our importance, and the door being duly opened, we walked in, to find ourselves the first comers, for, as yet, there were only present the old gentleman — a very worthy man, and well to do in the world: he being the clerk of a coal office — the old lady, in her best silk gown, and capacious turban — for at that time a turban was the most fashionable head-dress a lady could wear — the young lady, their daughter, on whose account the dance was being given ; and a couple of youths, her brothers, who were fast growing out of their clothes, for the sleeves of their jackets did not cover their wrists, nor their trousers their ancles, while their necks shot up from their shirt collars, with their heads above all, like winter cabbages in a kitchen garden, when covered with snow. This nice family ot five were, on our entering, seated on one of the forms that lined the sides of the room, chairs for the nonce, being dispensed with, on account of the space they 192 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. would have taken up, and as we popped our noses through the doorway, tliey all rose simultaneously to welcome us, with an immense shaking of hands, and an inquiry after our health, and remarks upon the weather, which ceremony, to me, who had never been so saluted before, was quite overpowering ; and after these questions liad been duly answered, carelessly by Tom, and very truthfully by me — for I explained that *' I had lately had a bad cold, and that it was a fine evening, though it had rained in the forenoon" — we took our seats in continuation, bobbing up like the family, Avhen any fi-esh arrivals took place, when we witnessed shaking of hands as before, and heard like questions put, as to health, and as to the weather, with like answers thereto. The knocker of the door was now going at a pretty rapid pace — rai^, rap, rap, and tap, tap, tap — all of which we heard perfectly, for the lobby was rather short and small, and the single servant woman was getting plenty of exercise in opening and shutting it— she being, as I casually learnt shortly afterwards, from a gossiping young man that was present, a sister of our worthy host, performing the part of "slave" for the occasion. And so much, indeed, did the com- pany increase, that I began to fear the room would be choked up. However, things were managed so uncommonly well that, with a little squeezing, space was procured for all, and now we sat around on the forms, rather boltishly upright, it is true, but with comparative comfort considering circumstances, THE BEGGAE'S BENISON. 193 wliile tea, and toast, and biscuits were being handed round, in a great variety of salvers and cups, by the young men with the protruding wrists, and ancles, and necks, that have been noticed already, and who proved themselves to be extremely useful fellows, under the cii'cumstances. It was a grand sight to me, this preliminary partaking of refreshments, and as each sat with a cup in one hand, and a bit of the edible in the other, saying nothing, so much were all impressed, while they sip, sipped, and smack, smacked, the light began to dawn upon me, as to the superiority of civilised refreshing, over barbarous bolting. But now a fresh arrival takes place that sets us all agape, for it is nothing less than Monsieur Passeul and his fiddle, attended by a blind man carrying a bass fiddle, whom I had seen and heard a hundred times before, on the streets, en- chanting the citizens with his music, and attracting from their kindly hands, to an old hat, that was carried by a little girl, in a ragged dress, coppers in general, and occasionally a sixpence. Monsieur entered the room with a graceful bow, that per- fectly charmed us all, for I remarked that it was vainly, and, indeed in some instances, ludicrously, imitated afterwards by some of the beaux present. He shook hands with the host and hostess, and others of the party — no doubt' his pupils — and he was presented with a cup of tea and a biscuit, wluch he consumed in the atti- tude of Apollo, wliile poor ''Blind Bob" got none, though, from the manner with which he rolled his white vacant eyeballs, he might have excited pity to the extent of bread and butter, at least. The pause that now took place was rather painful, for evidently every one was in the expecta- tion of something eventful being about to occur. And they were right, for Monsieur applied his fiddle to his shoulder, and gave it a rasp with his bow, while all simultaneously sprung to their feet, the heaiLX leading the o 194 THE beggar's benison. belles to the floor, which, consequently, scarcely left standing room. Alas ! there was none for me to lead up, for I now ascer- tained that all, with the exception of Tom and myself, had come mated, and even he in effect was so, for it was under- stood that the young lady of the house was his sweetheart, and, in proof of this, he led her, as though by arrangement, to the head of the room, where both stood in the preparatory attitude, for springing into the g3rrations of a brisk country dance, whenever it should please Monsieur Passeul and his vade mecum, Blind Bob, " to discourse music." Twang, twee, fiddle-de-dee ! — they at last struck up, when off went Tom and his fair inamorato; — hands across— down the middle — up again — smd poussette I •'An' he bobbit, An' she bobbit, An' they a' bobbit !" And, altogether, the dance was very heartily danced out, all returning to their seats panting, and some of the ladies exhausted, or, it may be, only pretending to be so, if we were to believe the insinuation of one rough fellow, who loudly proclaimed that they were "a pack o' strong hizzies!" a compliment which the ladies did not seem to appreciate. A short lull now took place, while Monsieur Passeul and Blind Bob screwed their fiddle strings, and rasped their bows across them, with unmeaning sounds, till they had got their respective instruments into harmony with each other again. After which a more select and less numerous portion of the company, than had been previously up, rose, to go through a set of quadi'illes, and which, being a dance that had very lately been imported from France, naturally created consider- able interest among those who retained their seats. Four couples only were destined to perform in this dance, and amongst these were Tom Throstle with the young lady of the house, having for their vis-a-vis — or as a young lady, who sat near me, pronounced it, . veez a veez — another couple whom I had remarked particularly, in the preceding dance. This pair had been, as, indeed, they still continued to be, throughout the evening, the " observed of all observers," the lady being considered a beauty, and a veiy splendid dancer -4. THE BEGGAE S BENISON. 195 as well, while the gentleman was tall, and a great beau, and, particularly by the fair portion of the company, looked upon as being remarkably handsome, although he was rather hard-featured, and blind of an eye. I cordially agreed in this opinion, so far as regarded the lady ; for I had been much struck and impressed by her appearance, when she first entered the room, and more so after she had commenced to *'trip it on the light fantastic toe ;" but I dijffered with it, in respect to the gentleman, of whom I had at once formed an unfavourable opinion, in consequence of his self-conceit and puppyism, added to the fe,miliarity with which he addressed his partner, and whom he seemed to have determined upon monopolising that evening. Who this couple were, I learned from the communicative, gossipping youth, that had formerly given me information regardlug the family arrangements of our entertainers. The ladyj he said, was the show-woman of an extensive silk, drapery, and haberdashery establishment in town, she having been selected for the purpose, on account of her handsome figure, which displayed, to the gi'eatest advantage, the dffferent garments, the disposers had for sale, and which she threw on, and marched from side to side with — having 196 THE beggar's benison. studied her attitudes previously, with the aid of a pier glass — to show their lady customers how these dresses would look upon themselves, after they had become the purchasers thereof. Everything, he went on to say, became her, on account of her symmetry and carriage ; and, therefore, she was most invaluable to the firm, whose shawls, scarfs, and cloaks, in consequence, went off rapidly, to every dumpy, crooked, or clumsy woman, that came for such commodities, and who thought, they were obtaining some of the show- woman's elegance and symmetry along with their pur- chases. As for the gentleman, my valuable informant further explained, that he was a journeyman poulterer — in other words, the son and assistant of a celebrated poultress, named Mrs, M'Chuckie — vulgarly called Lucky M'Chuckie — who carried on an extensive business in that line, but which, it was understood, she was about to resign in favour of the said son, having herself realised a comfortable compe- tency, " And, I suppose," said my fi-iend, as a peroration to his narrative, " he intends to marry the show-woman, as an additional feather to his cap, on the occasion of liis assum- ing the profitable reversion of the old hen-wife's business, who has laid such a comfortable nest-egg for him ! " I could not help envjdng the big poulterer, on account of his double good luck, and ^particularly that moiety of it which promised him the hand of the lady, who now appeared, in my eyes, as she stood ready to commence dancing, a perfect Galatea about to be sacrificed to another Polyphemus. But all these unworthy thoughts were cut short by Mon- sieur Passeul and Blind Bob, who were playing the introduc- tion to the first figure, which being completed — at it the dancers went ! Of course, I had seen quadrilles before, but never in the same perfection as now, for, as has been before explained, when I figured in these myself, along with others at Monsieur Pas- seul's, all present were of the male sex. Now, however, the dance was fitted as it should be, half and half, and the fairer portion, in addition, were gaudily dressed. Nor was it ordinary dancing either, that I was now about to witness, for, on Polyphemus — otherwise Mr. M'Chuckie, the journeyman poulterer — having danced forward and then backward, while clattering his hooves, so as to allow Galatea THE beggar's BENISON. 197 to perform "a solo," as Tom Throstle called it — that young lady showed what could be done with the feet. Away with your modern skimming of the carpet! Away with your mere sliding and attitudinising! She almost sprang from the floor to the ceiling ! She glided from side to side. She rushed backward. She bounded forward; and she cut like an opera girl, till the spangles in her shoes glittered like stars in the firmament, or rather, as Tom Throstle expressed it, like sparks from the fireworks on a king's birthday evening. If I admired the lady before, I doubly, trebly, nay, quad- ruply, admii-ed her now. Indeed, to be confiding to the reader, I felt the primary sensations of incipient love stealing over me, which caused me to adore the veiy shadow of Miss Tucker, as she was named; and in a corresponding ratio to hate Mr. M'Chuckie, whom I could not help regarding as my rival, as he led her to her seat, after the quadrille had been brought to a close. I was engaged in ruminating upon the loneliness of my position, and my bad luck in being obliged to sit, while others were so happily engaged in dancing, when I was addressed by Tom Throstle, who said he would put me in the way of getting a partner, for which purpose he invited me to follow him to an adjoining small room, where we found our host engaged in manufacturing a bowl of punch, and halving, or rather quai'tering, oranges, for the regalement of the company. CHAPTEPv XXII. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Sweet are the music, and the dance — They cheer both soul and body ; But sweeter, and more cheering, are The supper, and the toddy ! The Goosedubbs Poet On reaching the small room, which lay but a step from the "ball-room," as the latter was dignitiedly denominated by some of the party, we found, as already has been observed, our kind host, engrossed amongst the chemicals, that are usually brought into requisition, when cold-punch is the potation, in demand. He squeezed lemons, he crushed sugar lumps, he dashed in cold water, and he " skinked " the whole with a mighty wooden ladle, till the mixture sparkled and hissed in the delf bowl that contained it, like water rushing from the wake of a steamboat's paddles. The worthy old gentleman then sipped the concoction, to find if it was correct; then added water, and sipped again; then sugar, and further sipped ; then a squeeze of a lemon, and once more sipped ; then water again, and still sipped. In- deed, I Avas beginning to think, that he would finish the bowl, and give Tom and me none of the punch, so long and so pro- vokingly did he thus critically act. In the meantime, Tom made an important communication, in a whisper, to me. He had observed, he said, that I had sat while the others had danced, and that I was likely to continue to do so, unless he came to my relief. What he pro- THE beggar's BENISON. 199 posed was this : — He would " excambiate" partners, with Mr. M'Chuckie; that is to say, he would borrow from him, for the nonce, the lovely Miss Tucker, and lend the daughter of our host, and then he would make over the former to me, so that I might dance with her, while he would refrain from dancing himself. I could not but highly applaud this generous and disinter- ested proposal, on the part of my friend, although I felt some queer qualms steal over me, when I came to consider, that I would stand in such close quartei-s with one, who appeared a goddess in my eyes. Indeed, the very thought of it paralysed my limbs, and as Tom left for the purpose of canying his scheme into execution, I felt my very knees rapping against each other, from the effects of the perturbation into which I had been thrown. ]\Iy head swam ; the very pictures on the walls of the room danced before my eyes ; and ever3rthing bore a dreamy confusion. So much so, was this the case that, sitting like a lonely statue in the little room — the old gentleman after his manufacturing of left it, the punch having probably for the purpose of bringing some of the party to partake of the "browst," I did not think it anomalous when I descried two demi- nude little figures creep along the floor, from what appeared to be a cupboard, with the stealthiness and activity of mice, and, after "grabbing" some of the cut oranges and biscuits that lay on the table, slip back again to their den. I was recalled to consciousness, however, by the return of the host, who was just in time to notice the abstraction of the cakes and fruits, and who brought me to more active sensation, by administering summary chastisement upon the delinquents, who turned out to be the younger portion of his family circle, who till now had been immured in a concealed bed, and who had stolen out from thence, for the purpose of cribbing some of the luxuries going. 200 THE beggar's BENISON. Poor things, they deserved pity instead of punishment, and a share of the good things, perhaps more than the bigger bairns that got them; but as to the justice or injustice of tliis view of the case, there was no time for debating, for Tom Throstle now entered the room leading Miss Tucker, blushing to the bowl, and whom, the smiling host rewarded with the first brimming bumper of the punch, who, as she held it in her lovely grasp, reminded me of Ganymede; only that instead of presenting the cup to Jove, she tumbled the contents thereof down her own divine gullet, declaring, at the same time, or rather immediately thereafter, that it was delight- ful; whereupon Mr. Throstle filled her glass again, which, with very slight inducement, she was prevailed uf)on to send after its predecessor. Miss Tucker was now all smiles. Her countenance beamed like that of Aurora, — how strange that the remembrance of it, should cause me to associate her so much with the inmates of the Pantheon — or rather Venus, for it being evening, she could scarcely, for some hours yet, be the morning star. She indeed, looked lovely, and all the more so, that she was not accompanied by the formidable Mr. M'Chuckie, whom I flattered myself she did not miss, seeing that Tom Throstle by this time, had introduced me to her, and I had already told her the state of the weather, and remarked upon the heat of the ball-room, and the coolness of the punch, all which interesting information, she paid marked attention to, and likewise, — if I might judge from the way she stared, — to my curls, which, from a glance that I had obtained in a small looking-glass, that hung on the wall, I was gratified to see still looked as fresh as when I had left the hands of the hairdresser. Tom Throstle, by this time, had broken to her his proposal, that instead of dancing with him, she should do so with me, and to tliis she at once agreed, when, after a third glass of punch, away we adjourned to the ball-room, where we at once placed ourselves in the best position for commencing another set of THE beggar's benison. 201 quadrilles, that had just been proclaimed by Monsieur Passeul, as about to commence, and towards the promotion of which, he stood with violin at his neck, and bow in hand, ready to rasp. My sensations at this moment, were of a varied description. Indeed, I could scarcely realize to myself the fact that I now stood in what had been the position of the fonnidable M'Chuckie, and had, in a measure, supplanted him. But what, let it be fancied, must they- have been when I found myself hopping upon the floor, while stared at by all present; poussetting with Miss Tucker; advancing and retiring with her; and above all, galloping round the room with her, with one hand reposing on that lovely zone, which till now had been devoted to the monopolizing embraces of M'Chuckie, and of the robes of Tweel Braid & Company, her eminent employers] It will not be wondered at, when I declare that I did not know for the first five minutes at least, whether I danced on my feet, or on my head. And all this time I was gazed at by the fierce M'Chuckie. Although he danced ^itli Tom Tlirostle's partner, his atten- tion was entii^ly directed to Miss Tucker and me. He averted not his single eye a moment ; indeed so much so was this the case, that I felt that if that eye had been an aiTOW, or a bullet, or a sword, it would have been through, and through, my poor body. He was evidently all jealousy and hatred; in proof of which, the moment the quadrille was ended, and ere I could lead the charming Miss Tucker to a seat, he had pounced upon her, had got her arm enchained with his, and had led her to the cold punch, which was the only thing upon which he allowed her now to bestow her favours, beyond himself, for the rest of the evening, not even except- ing Tom Thostle, whose attempts to get a dance with Miss Tucker, by fair means or foul — by exchange or favour — he resisted perseveringly, and it may be added, successfully. The remaining portion of the evening, before supper-time, was passed pleasantly enough ; for although I found myself obliged to resign all hopes of again pressing even the hand of Miss Tucker, I felt gratified that I had been enabled to ac- quire her acquaintanceship, and which I secretly resolved to follow up, in my own way, and for my o^vn advantage — and this of itself I considered no small matter. 202 THE beggar's benison. It was clear, lio we ver, that if I was fortunate, in one respect, I was not so in another ; for M'Chuckie was now unmis- takably as much my enemy, as I flattered myself the lady was my friend, in proof of which, Avhen we — the male por- tion of the company — had retired to the street for the purpose of ena- bliug the supper to be laid in what, till this time, had been called the ball-room, and get the air ; he not only cut me direct, but sneered pugnaciously in my very face, and which offensive proceeding he had the audacity even to repeat, when we had again met at the board, which was now spread out with the impor- tant collation that all were by this time, ready to partake of. The supper was very grand and very imposing in my eyes. It consisted of a boiled leg of mutton and turnips, a sizable roast of beef, almost swimming in fat gravy, and several dishes of potatoes, all of which, I learned from my gossipping friend, had been kindly prepared in the house of an adjoin- ing neighbour, who was present at the ball. There were, likewise, some tarts and confectionaries, and plenty of small beer, during the gormandizing, and hot whisky punch, after it. I will not, of course, be expected to dwell upon the gas- tronomic incidents of this supper. It is sufficient to say that the mutton and roast beef were done great justice to, by us all, as we sat round the room with good solid platefuls thereof, placed on our knees, not even excepting the lovely Miss Tucker, who (to use a vulgar expression of Tom Throstle) "tucked in uncommonly," as she was from time to time supplied by the attentive M'Chuckie, whom, with my jealous ears, I heard addressing her, in such vile familiar words as these: — "Will you take some more hiled mutton, Agnes'?" or, "Will you take another tuppenny tart, dear?" And to which she would reply, "No, Charles; but I'll take a penny cheesecake!" But now the hot whisky punch is going its rounds, under the liberal auspices of our host, who wields his formidable THE beggar's benison. 203 wooden ladle, as a prince might do his sceptre, and we are all getting garrulous, and some of ns jolly, and even musical, for already a couple of songs have been sung, and calls for more made, by those who have the privilege. At last it comes to Miss Tucker's turn to charm us in that way, she being, as my useful informant now tells me, in addition to her other accomplishments, a sublime vocalist, and which she proves herself to be, perfectly to my satisfac- faction, by the performance of the following cantata, which Mr. M'Chuckie announced as "The Corsair's Bride:" — Hark !— hark !— hark ! 'Tis a gim ! — 'tis a gxm ! — 'tis a gun ! It is fired from the Corsair's bark, WTiile she dips her flag to the sun. To the western setting sun, Which sinks midst gohl and flame, As it casts its blaze, in streaming rays, On that bark, without a name ! And now ! — now ! — now ! A boat from that ship doth dart, It points with its dashing prow To the shore, where the joy of his heart. — His own sweetheart,— doth live, A maiden both bright and fair. Whose father, severe, and proud, and austere. Hates the bold, and the brave Corsair ! But !— but !— but ! That father shall wake to woe, When he tiuds, on the morn, that the ma-d. Hath fled from his home, with his foe ! And that now, on the deep she roams, In that bark, with the yards so square, — And the desperate crew, so brave, and so tiue, — As the bride of the brave Corsair ! "We all vehemently applauded the song of Miss Tucker, first by means of loud clapping of hands, and subsequently by the rufhng of our feet on the floor, which must have rather astounded the inmates of the flat below, during which process the amiable performer looked as modest and grateful as possible, while she refreshed herself after the exertion, by partaking of a glass of whisky-toddy, handed to her by the attentive M'Chuckie, whom, in consideration thereof, I pre- 204 THE beggar's BENISON. sume, she now rewarded, by calling upon him, in the exercise of her undoubted prerogative, for a return song. Mr. M'Chuckie accordingly prepared himself, seemingly nothing loath, to respond to the call, first by clearing his throat with a loud "hoast;" then, by running his voice up the gamut, and down the ditto; then, by sipping toddy; then, by casting his one eye to the ceiling; and lastly by giving vent, in what I considered, a very unmusical voice, and with an affected and blatant man- ner, to the following ditty, which he dio-nified with tho title of A Love Song:" — Oh ! beautiful maiden, my heart it is thine — A heart both devoted, and true ; But soon 'twill be silent, and lonely, and cold, If it finds no approval from you! A-hoo! If it finds no approval from you! I wander far east, and I wander far west, I wander far north, and south, too; But the only enjoyment within my sad breast, Is to ponder and think upon you! A-hoo! Is to ponder and think upon you ! Then say, lovely maiden ! if thou wilt be mine, And ever be faithful and true; While devoted and firm, my heart shall be bound, In love and afl'ection to you I A-hoo! In love and affection to you! We were very frugal in our bestowal of applause towards Mr. M'Chuckie, who was evidently no more a favourite with the general company, than he was with me. Indeed, I may say, that we " damned him with faint praise," for one young lady was heard to exclaim, " very pretty !" which sent a titter round the room that subsequently ended in something like a "gufifaw," and so provoked the said M'Chuckie, that he rose THE BEGGARS BE^^SON. 205 from his seat, and taking the hand of Miss Tucker, rather officiously, proposed to commence the dance again, much to the annoyance of Tom Throstle, who had expected to have been called upon for the next song, and with which he had hoped to eclipse all rivals, he ha^'ing rehearsed it to me a dozen times. The Fates, however, were unpropitious towards Tom, who was not destined to sing his song that night, for by this time the general company had sprung to their feet, and were now busily engaged in removing the supper table, which being accomplished, dancing was resumed with renewed vigour and spirit. The dancing now became "fast and fimous/'as Burns says, anything like stiffness or ceremony having been put to flight by the good supper, and particularly the good drink, that had been partaken of; and, consequently, all reeled, and waltzed, and quadrilled, " with life and metal in their heels," to their heart's content Foremost in such displays, as might have been expected, were Miss Tucker, and Mr. M'Chuckie, and particularly the former, who even eclipsed what had made such an impression upon my youthful heart, in the first part of the evening — the only limits to her bounding, and jjirouetting, and cutting, being the restricted dimensions of the room. It was not, of course, my good luck to dance with Miss Tucker, for the huge M'Chuckie took care that neither I nor any other "gent" should have such rare felicity. I, however, managed to get that recreation with one or two plainer girls, in the course of which, I had the gratifica- tion of clasping the palm of Miss T, on the occasional crossing of hands which took place, and which the M'Chuckie could not prevent, when I gave it a squeeze, that I thought was returned, and this was a source of much hope and encouragement to me. In the course of time, and pretty far advanced in the morn- ing, the ball was brought to an end, by our dancing " Bab at the Bowster," from which, however, the vile M'Chuckie kept back both his own and Miss Tucker's presence. But if he did this at the dance, he did not do so, at the "dock an dorichy^ in the shape of a last bowl of steaming punch, which our host insisted on introducing; and 206 THE beggar's benison. which we all partook of — finally winding-up with the song and chorus of " Auld Lang Syne." The song having ended, of course, the ball ended. And then what a shaking of hands took place, while lads waited till their lassies were busked, for the purpose of seeing them home. Aye !— and what a smacking of lips took place, as the company wound down the dark staircase ! — " Ilk smack still, did crack still, Just like a cadger's whip! " — It was in something like a melancholy, but still philo- sophic humour, that Tom Throstle and I found ourselves at last at home. The bells were actually ringing half-past five o'clock, and daylight had nearly dawned. We still, however, before going to bed, had time to chat matters over, with the assist- ance of a pipe, and a glass of ale, when we agreed that Miss Tucker was a most charming girl, and at the same time, that Mr. M*Chuckie was a monster, whom to supplant in the esteem of the former, would not only be a just, but a dutiful proceeding ! CHAPTER XXIIL INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Selfish ambition! led by thee. We've no regard for others ; While, but to magnify ourselves, We'd cut our very mothers ! The Goosedubbs Poet. I AWOKE after being in bed, only a few hours — althongb I found that Tom was up, and had been out for some time — feeling myself rather feverish and nervous, probably from having di^eamt gi'eatly of the ball, and, in particular, of Miss Tucker, whom, in my sleeping fancy, I had again and again danced with, notwithstanding the jealous opposition of Mr. M'Chuckie, who, in the shape of a nightmare, was ever grinning and frowning at me with impotent exas- peration. The whole period of my repose, such as it had been, indeed, was a succeaeion of singular dreams, or rather, to speak more correctly, a succession of incidents or scenes, connected WT.th one continuous dream, during which the instruments of Monsieur Passeul and Blind Bob kept loudly squeaking, and booming, and buzzing in my ears, as an accompaniment to the phantasm. Amidst its confused course, too, characters and individuals, whom I had met with, and familiarly known during my life, altliough they had not been present at the real ball, appeared and took part in it, with those who had been actually present, in the most unreasonable, and gro- tesque manner, and that, too, without causing me to wonder that such should be the case. For instance, Miss Tucker would be cutting, and springing, and pirouetting alongside of 208 THE beggar's BENISON. Mr. M'Qiuckie, when all of a sndden the countena.nce of the latter would turn into that of my late quasi stepfather, who had suffered so many years before, along with his devoted chum, and fellow-housebreaker, Barney, in front of the gaol, and there he would caper awa}', changing hands and turning the lovely Tucker, while the end of the rope, which still was attached to his neck, would lash round and about, and come rap against the very faces of those present, as he performed some centrifugal gyration or other, like the whisk of a mare's tail, when the animal is put out to enjoy May grass, after a winter of hard meat. Then Miss Tucker's face would change, and it would become that of my mother — looking sad, but still dancing and cutting fantastically. Anon, instead of the male figure being M'Chuckie, or the malefactor that has been named, it would become that of my poor father, with his silver boatswain's whistle dangling from his neck; and after he had danced a while, it would become that of Mr. Silvertop, who suddenly would change to the Bald Billygoat, who in a little, would be wheeling with — instead of Miss Tucker, — no less than little Sissy; poor little Sissy, whom I had so long seemingly forgotten, and despised, and neglected, in common with my mother and aunt, and who, for aught I knew, or cared, might, or might not, be still existing where I had left them, for a period, which now in- cluded many months, during which time, if they ever did 209 revert to my mind, I strove to banish them therefrom, in the most summary and heartless manner — so selfish, hard- hearted, and mean-minded, had I become. It was with the countenances of my mother and Sissy glaring at me in the face, and appealing to me, indeed, that I had awakened ; and as I rubbed my eyes, and felt myself actually in my bed, I could scarcely make myself believe that I had really not been present with them. Having satisfied myself as to tliis delusion, and indeed, felt relief that what had occupied by slumbering, and yet active mind, was a dream, and not a reality, I commenced a series of thoughts and speculations regarding them, not very favourable towards theii' interests, but indeed, the very reverse. I represented to myself, amongst other ideas, what a hoiTid thing it would be, if the lovely, amiable, and genteel Miss Tucker should come to know that I had such mean relations! I likewise felt acutely, how humbled and de- gi'aded I should be, if even M 'Chuckle, my rival in her afi'ections (as I flattered myself he only amounted to) should triumphantly learn that my mother was a washer- woman, and my sister a mill-giil. In addition, I felt the fiill force of the ridiculous figure I would cut, if the general company, that had been present at the ball, should have the least suspicion, that the neat young man, who had excelled, to some extent, the tall M'Chuckie, and who had capered so nimbly in a blue swallow-tailed coat, with bmss buttons, and nankeen pantaloons — not to talk of his fine, crisp, cui^ly hair — had been the associate of footpads, burglars, and all the riflf-raff of the Goosedubbs of Glasgow ! Feeling all this, is it to be wondered at, if I should have actually shrunk from myself; and, as I writhed and tmned in my bed, a perfect prey to the tormenting idea : that I should have wished never to see the face of my mother, or of Sissy again 1 Of course, 1 am not going to stop here, to palliate such thoughts, far less to attempt any defence, of what may be considered an outrage against decency, against Christianity, against the laws of nature itself. But the fact of my thus truthfully laying bare my despicable conduct, may, to some extent, prove how ashamed I now am of it, when mature p 210 THE beggar's benison. years, and perhaps a few hard raps on the knuckles of my career, as well as of my conscience, have somewhat, I hope, humanised me. Never to see them again ! Never to see any of my quon- dam associates and relations — at least so far as such were connected with the Goosedubbs period of my existence — was, indeed, my hearty and sincere wish ; but that I was to be gratified in its realisation, was quite another thing ; for, even as I twisted myself amidst the paroxysm that my fancy had produced, aggravated as it was, by a headache and nausea — the effects of the hot and cold punch, and of the ale and tobacco, I had indulged in during the preceding night and early morn — I had it intimated to me, by Mrs. Gusset, my landlady, that my mother and sister were at the very door, and urgently desirous of seeing me ! This was what Tom Throstle would have designated " rather a stomacher" to me. Here had I been conjuring into my mind, somewhat gratuitously, the very circum- stance that I most revolted from, and, as it were, depre- cating it; andlo! I was about to have it actually w^iciec? upon me ! My first determination was to order them peremptorily to be gone, without seeing them. My next, to intimate that I was in bed, with a request that they should call again, when of course I would be out of the way. And my last, that I should see them, and hear what they had to say, while conducting myself as coolly, and as dignifiedly, and as civilly, as possible; for, although I had quite the disposi- tion to follow out either of the two first proposals, it had dawned upon me, that I was not quite free to act so severely, partly from their having just pecuniary claims against me, which I was not prepared to liquidate, in consequence of my extravagance having got me into difficulties; and partly from their having it in tlieir power to make known to the world if they choose (that is, the world I lived in, with Miss Tucker for my sovereign), what I really was, should they be driven to defensive, or vindictive extremities towards me, in consequence of my conduct to them. Although it was therefore, very much against the grain, and although I did not feel in the best disposition — for my headache was now considerably pinching my bump of THE beggar's BES'ISON. 211 benevolence, or rather, the part of my cranium where that bump should have been, I having no pretension to great development of the organ which indicates that particular virtue — I, after huddling on my clothes, proceeded to the door, where I found them patiently awaiting my coming; and having shut the said door behind my back, so that the inmates of the lodging should not hear what passed, I innocently begged to know what they wanted with me I Theymade no immediate answer to this demand, but both stared wonderingly at me, while I had time to remark their respective appearances, which were consi- derably changed since I had seen them before. My mother was haggard and careworn, and at the same time, she was shabbily and untidily dressed ; while Sissy, although clean and neat, looked pale and thin, and indeed far different from what she had fonnerly been. She was not the little girl of days gone by, but almost a woman grown, though still retaining much of that childish and ingenuous expression and simplicity of manner, which once had knit my heart in brotherly affection to her. Alas! that that heart should have become so hard, and so cold, and so unbrotherly since then ! I had to repeat my question again, before either spoke, when at last Sissy addressed me, while endeavouring to grasp my hand, but which attempt I resolutely withstood, by placing it behind my back What she said I cannot exactly repeat, but it was to the effect, that they had restrained themselves from coming to see me, till they could do so no longer. That they had long hoped for, and earnestly awaited my re-appearance, at theii- dwelling, thinking that reflection, and separation, would bring back my former feelings of affection towards them, and that I would pass over — or at least more favoui-ably con- strue — the few little hot expressions of impatience and irrita- tion, that unguardedly, had escaped fi'om my mother, on the 212 THE beggar's benison. morning when I so abruptly left. That they did not come now, to trouble me with their presence, from any gratuitous desire to force themselves upon my notice, or to make any demands upon my liberality, but merely to effect, if possible, a reconciliation, and bring me back to the natural bonds of kindly relationship, as a son, and as a brother; and that they felt lonely and uncertain in the position in which they were placed, having nobody to consult and advise with, except- ing my father's sister, who was now little able to assist them in that way, she being old and weakly, both in mind and body. This was the substance of poor Sissy's address, which, of course, was not expressed, with anything like conciseness, or happy choice of words, but in homely Scottish phrase, which I conceived to be enormously vulgar, and with something of a whine, which was rather irritating, particularly as it was accompanied by sobs and tears, that demeaned her appearance, and injured her expression. All this time, I had coolly and haughtily hearkened to Sissy's artless, though sincere, address; but with the air of one who felt himself bored and intruded upon. In short, like a gentleman listening to the petition of a beggar, whom he only refrained from kicking from his pre- sence, because such a proceeding would be undignified. At last, I deigned to give a reply, and which Consisted in my asking the simple question "If she was done; for, if so," I went on to say, " I would take the case to avizandum,'' thus borrowing, for the nonce, an expression I had heard Tom Throstle use, and which I considered very smart and very witty. This seemingly puzzled poor Sissy, who appeared there- from, to be completely put out; for she confusedly cast her eyes on the ground, and said nothing further. It, however, had a different effect upon my mother, who now took speech in hand, and recapitulated almost word for word what Sissy had said, adding, however, a hint that if I was determined to continue to act as I had been doing, for so long a time back, I should at all events pay to her the sum I was owing, and which I must know was justly due to her. This was a subject that of all others I was the least dis- THE beggar's BEN'ISON. 213 posed to hearken blandly to. I accordingly wi'ouglit myself into an apparent rage, in the course of which, instead of being conciKatory, as I had intended, I used language to my mother of the most offensive description, but which it is not necessary here to repeat, the object of it having been to in- duce her and Sissy to beat a retreat, as speedily as possible; and in this I was successful, for both now commenced to descend the staii', only that Sissy, who went last, turned round, and, while gazing at me through her tears, sobbed out these words : — " This is the last time that you will be annoyed by us, for we must now depart fi'om where we have been staying; the Mill has been stopped for upwards of a month; both my mother and I are out of work; our rent is unpaid, and the landlord has seized our things; and — and" — but what she added I heard so indistinctly, that I was at a loss to make it out, for now she had de- scended several steps, and her utterance was convulsive. It sounded, however, something like a declaration, that they were starving, and I fear that in fact it was so. What I might have been induced to do under such ex- treme circumstances, I know not : possibly to have stalked after them, and offered some paltry pecuniary aid, for I be- lieve I had, after some minutes' reflection, with something like the disposition to do so, fumbled in my pocket, and turned over, with my fingers, the few coppers that remained of all the wealth which, within the past few months, I had so unworthily spent upon my uugratifying luxui^ies, and selfish pleasures. This idea, however, if it really did exist, was soon banished from my mind ; for at that moment I heard my boon com- rade, Tom Throstle, coming tripping up the stairs, bellowing a jolly song, as was his wont, and which, for aught I know, was the one, which he intended to have sung, the night before at the ball, had he been so lucky, as to have been called upon, to exercise his musical abihties, in that way. I, in consequence, retreated into the lodging, where I sat 214 j'the beggar's benison. myself down, as if nothing extraordinary, had happened, shutting the outer door behind me, the knocker of which was soon rat-tatted upon, by that brisk gentleman, who forthwith entered the room with a light and gleesome coun- tenance. *'Ha! my boy," he exclaimed, as he entered the apart- ment, and threw himself carelessly on a chair, "I have news to tell you! I have already, this morning, seen several of the feUows, that were at the party last night, as well as others, and it is proposed that we should get up a subscription ball and supper, on a liberal and genteel prin- ciple, namely, that there should be no j)articular right, on the part of the gentlemen, to dance exclusively with the partners they may bring, but that all ladies should be avail- able to any happy fellows that may be introduced to them by a matron — same as is practised at the great Glasgow assemblies, amongst the upper classes !" Tom then went on to dilate further, upon the advantages and splendour, that would be attendant on this ball, which would take place in one of the crack taverns of the city, and the subscriptions to which, in consequence, would require to be a guinea for gentlemen, , and half-a-guinea for ladies, which would include everything, such as music, supper, and drink. He said it would indeed eclipse the "aristocratic assemblies " themselves ; for there would be nobody but handsome men, and beautiful women present, in consequence of the selective management that would be adopted ; whereas at the higher " re-unions," as they were pedantically called, there were generally nothing but stiff and worn-out old foggies with bald heads, and prudish ancient dames with wigs, and a few lank dandies, and snub-nosed girls, though possibly there might be an occasional beauty that would skim the floor in a sort of half walking manner, but certainly nothing like Miss Tucker, who was really beautiful, and actually could dance. He concluded, by informing me that he had put Ids own name down as a subscriber, and, at the same time, had mentioned mine, to the preliminary committee — of which he formed one — and he, therefore, did not doubt that I would be admitted, through his influence and recommendation, to be one of the select, on the occasion. THE beggar's BENISON". 215 Of course, Tom meant, in making this communication, that I should feel myself highly flattered, and distinguished, by being thus included, and so most likely I would have felt, but for the weight that pressed upon my mind, in conse- quence of the scene that I had just had, with my mother and Sissy, not to mention the intolerable headache which I endured, as well as the consciousness, that the state of my finances were far from being satisfactory. I felt, indeed, considerable embarrassment, as to what answer I should give to Tom, which he noticing, commenced to rally me still further connected with the matter, in the course of which he pointed out what a grand opportunity I would have, through means of this ball, of ingratiating myself with the lovely Miss Tucker, whom Tom recommended me to present a lady's ticket to, before tlie formidable Mr. M'Chuckie could have time to do so, as no doubt he would, if he got the opportunity, and which Tom would take care to prevent, by providing me with tickets, before they were generally issued. The very name of Miss Tucker had an immediate effect upon me, and the remembrance of her angelic figure, as she cut and wheeled in the dance, made my nerves thrill throughout my body. My headache, I thought, commenced to mitigate in intensity, and my self-accusing conscience, for my conduct to my mother and Sissy, to be less upbraiding. I began to feel myself reassured, and more like myself than I had been since I awoke, so that, when Tom and I sat down to a late breakfast, I believe I almost did as much justice to it as he did, notwithstanding that he had been up a couple of hours before me, and abroad at his ordinary occupation. Of course, I was but too glad to authorise Tom to use his discretion, in recording my name as a subscriber to the 216 THE beggar's benison. projected ball, with any conditions that might be attached thereto; and from that moment, while banishing, as much as possible, all misgivings that oppressed my mind with regard to my mother and Sissy, I commenced to build a thousand absurd castles in the air, as to my future flirtations with the adorable Miss Tucker. CHAPTER XXIT. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. How often are our fondest aims By circumstances foiled ; And what we schemed so knowingly, By simplest matters spoiled. The Goosedubbs Poet. I WAS late that morning in ani^ing at tlie office of Samnel Silvertop & Company — a circumstance rather unusual on my part ; for, to speak favourably of myself, I was in general very attentive to my counting-house duties, notwithstanding my aptitude for pleasures otherwise, which, however, were only indulged in after my work had been accomplished, and not diu'ing business hours. Besides, my occupation at the office had become quite light in consequence of the re- striction that had taken place in the business operations of Silvertop & Company, caused by the changes that had been resolved upon sometime before, and which I have already alluded to. My lateness, therefore, was taken no notice of, by either Mr. Silvertop or Mr. Bracepiece, the latter of whom I, indeed, took the liberty of informing regarding the ball, as a gi-eat event, and who laughed heartily at some of the scenes which, in my simplicity, I narrated as if they had been quite up to the standard ideas of even Mr. Bracepiece himself, who had the entree to the very best society in Glasgow. Mr. Bracepiece subsequently communicated the matter to Mr. Silvertop, who, thinking it had been only a simple dance, and not in any way connected with dissipation, com- mended me for cherishing such pastimes, which, he was pleased to say, in his judgment, were just the things for 218 young people in the hey-day of life to enjoy, and much better than pleasures where drinking and debauchery were concerned. Worthy old man ! he little knew that, under the resem- blance of simple exuberance of spirits and exercise, at such scenes, every variety of dissipation and selfishness could be indulged in to the fullest extent. Neither Mr. Silvertop nor Mr. Bracepiece had ever had the slightest suspicion of my real character, and, therefore, looked upon me as a perfect Joseph, who could do no ill ; so that, when I came to leave their employment for the more active and remunerative engagement which they had kindly procured for me, in the house of Gunter, Slide, & Company, and which event took place in the course of a week after the important epoch I have been attempting to interest the reader in, these kind gentlemen, in addition to the balance of my salary, which was payable at my leaving, presented me with a bonus of ten guineas, over and above, and, at the same tinie, with a handsome written certificate of character, eulogistic of my talents and abilities, and of my attention to business during the period of my services in their employ- ment. These munificent presentations were, of course, most acceptable to me, and particularly the pecuniary portion thereof, for it not only enabled me to clear myself of the debts I had contracted with my landlady and others, but it left a residue more than sufficient to liquidate what I owed to my mother, whom, as well as Sissy, I consequently forth- with resolved to see ; and, while paying the former her claim, to enter into an arrangement, as to my connection with both, for the future. My ideas on this subject, of course, were sufficiently selfish, my desire being, at as small a pecuniary cost as possible, to annihilate them as relations entirely ; to get quit of them for ever; to make their existence a myth, and their name a blank; so that when I came to be the great man I felt myself incipiently growing into, I should not be hampered by their connection, even nominally, far less really. It was, therefore, with something like the air of a dictator, that I found myself, about a fortnight after this, with the residue of my late employer's ten guineas, amounting to THE BEGGAR S BEXISON 219 betwixt three and four pounds, in my pocket, marching one gloomy and wet afternoon, wrapped up in my cloak, towards my mother and Sissy's humble dwelling — that dwelling which, only a few years before, had been as dear and delightful to me, as even a Western Park palace is to a parvenu who has been passed and raised from the dirt of a cellar, or the dust of a garret, to the dizzy height, from which he now can " gaze o'er half a world." As I passed along the old frequented streets and lanes that led to the quarter I was again seeking — though now under very different auspices — my feelings were, of course, trying and various. Of these, however, I will not now speak; it being sufficient to say, that whatever qualms and pinchings of conscience may have stolen upon me connected with antecedents, suggested to my memory by the scenes I now passed through, I immediately rejected them, or fortified my mind against them; calling to my aid, in such process, others -of a brighter nature, such as those that I had latterly been enjoying in company with Tom Throstle, not to speak of the anticipated ones which he had promised me, and which were to eclipse all former occasions. But I had another matter, to think upon and divert my ideas from old reminiscences, and that was, the negotiation which I was detei-mined to enter into T\T.th my mother and Sissy, regarding the "arrangement," I hoped to effect, and the nature of which I have already explained. With cash in my hand to give, I, of course, felt myself primarily armed, and, with promises of the same nature, for the future, I expected to arrive at my purpose quite to my satisfaction. As to how my mother would receive the proposition, I, perhaps, had my doubts, but in regard to Sissy I had none; for, although my ambition and base vanity had robbed her of all my former affection and regard, I could not ignore in 220 THE BEGGARS BENISON. my breast her simplicity of character, and ingenuousness of disposition, not to talk of all absence of selfishness, in her mind. Turning over these ideas in my silly pate, I passed along, and soon stood opposite to the land of houses — as they term such a building in Scotland — the attics of which con- tained the humble apartment that had once formed my happy home. The building, however, like the night, which was now ad- vanced, looked gloomy and dull, notwithstanding the lurid glare of the ironworks in the district, there being scarcely a light to be seen gleaming, even from any of the windows of the numerous labouring families that inhabited the pile ; and, in particular, as I stood a few minutes to contemplate it at the garden fence, I re- marked the darkness of the little window of my mother's portion thereof, which, on for- mer occasions, when I was approaching it in the dark, had invari- ably been illuminated, either by the flicker- ing of the fire, or by the beams of some small bit of candle, which Sissy had placed on its sill, as a guide and welcome to me, and which intimated that there was reserved for me, on her part, a kind and warm reception. Alas! it was now as dark as the grave, and, hardened although my heart was, I felt that circumstance disagreeable. It is true, I was not going to that dwelling with anything like the feeling of a visitor who appreciates a welcome, and therefore sets some value upon even the appearance of com- fort, but still I could not disguise from myself, that if the '' bield " had worn something of its former cheerful appear- ance, it would have been much more pleasant to me. Such sentiments, however, I soon banished, and in a THE BEGGAB S BEXISON. 221 minute after, I had mounted the ricketty staircase that led to the door of my mother's appartment, at vhich, with my stick, I rapped ^th something like the air and importance of a sheriii*'s officer. To my tapping, for some time, no attention was paid, and I was beginning to think that no one was within, so silent was everything — that sUence being the more striking in consequence of the utter darkness in which I was involved, — when at last I heard a footstep, and a slight noise, as that, seemingly, of some pei-son striMng a light by means of a steel and flint After a little time, this surmise proved to be correct, for I now beheld a slight stream of Kght beamincr fi-om the chinks of the door, while, at the same time, the person within, withdi-awing some bolts, which creaked considerably, slowly opened it. Instead, however, of recognising, in the inhabitant of the place, the features of Sissy, as I had led myself to expect, or, at all events, of my mother, I beheld those of a tall, gaunt, beggarly-looking woman, grim with dirt, and very ill clad, who held a candle, stuck into the mouth of a bottle, before her face, while, with a hollow voice, that proceeded from her, as from a sepulchre, she demanded what I wanted; and, on my mention- ing the name of my mother, with as respectable a title as I could give her, she simply shook her head, while she replied, " There's nane o' that name here, or has been, so far as I ken ! " With this information I was rather taken aback ; and, indeed, I was scarcely inclined to credit her word, but that, on looking beyond her person, and into the recess of the room, 1 observed that there were none of the old, well-known articles of furniture within it, nor, indeed, any furniture at all; while, to my further queries, she declared she could give me no satisfactory answer, as she was a complete stranger '222 THE beggar's benison. to the place, Laving only come there that day, as a tenant to an empty house. She, however, civily enough referred me to other neigh))ours, and held the candle, so as to light me to their doors, before she shut her own. There were plenty of such doors around that I might have applied at ; but, not caring to enquire where I might likely be known, I descended the stair again, and proceeded to the house of my aunt, which was not far off, having reason to think that there, I would be sure to ascertain as to the whereabouts of my nearer relations. On gaining my aunt's lodging, however, I found that an enormous change had likewise taken place there. Her house, in fact, was in the possession of another tenant, likemse, who told me that the poor woman had died ten days before, in great distress, and was now an occupant of the church- yard in the neighbourhood. This person went on to inform me that my deceased relative had left very few effects — I having put some prudent and pertinent questions as to such a possibility — that the little she had left, after being turned into money, had barely sufficed to bury her; and that, previously to her death, she had parted with the most of her furniture and plenishing to support herself, my mother, and Sissy, the latter having likewise been reduced to great straits, and, indeed, as she expressed it, been "rouped to the door" — that is, had all their effects poinded and sold, to satisfy their landlord, to whom they were in aiTears for rent. What had become of my mother and sister, my informant could give me no account. They had, she said, left the place entirely, steeped in poverty and debt, and though well liked by the neighbours about, and having good char- acters, particularly Sissy, who was a general favourite, they had seemingly taken shame to themselves, on account of their difficulties, and retired to some other quarter, where they were comparatively unknown. This information was, as may not be wondered at, rather "stunning" to me; and, as I retired from the place, and re- traced my steps homewards, it set my ideas jarring against each other. I felt shame on one hand, and satisfaction on the other. I could not conceal from myself that I had, to. some extent, been the cause of this melancholy result; while THE beggar's benison. 223 I tried to persuade myself, at the same time, that I had only acted as others would have done, if placed in a like position to what I had been. As I walked along, remorse would occasionally seize me. Poor Sissy, starving and de- graded, would rush to my mind; my mother, helpless and broken down in health, would torture my fancy — thus making my march homewards anything but a recreation. I half hoped that I would meet the poor wretches before I got well out of the neiglibourhood, and yet I dreaded that such would be the case. T had a quasi benevolent feeling, on the one hand, to do what nature prompted to be right, and, on the other, an intensely selfish desire to ignore such altogether. Looking back coolly upon myself, connected with that occa- sion, and judging dispassionately of my mind, as I would do that of a third person, I confess that I now view myself as having personified the very devil ! My consolation, however, is, that every day, many, very many, personify the devil, as I then did, with this difler- ence, that they conceal the fact, not only fi'om themselves, but fi'om the world ; whereas, I only conceal it from the latter, so far as my own identity is concerned : and I am constrained to do that; for where would the good, religious, benevolent, and respectable citizen — which, I flatter myself, I am considered — be, if I did not 1 But of that anon. By the time I had reached my lodgings, where waited my good chum, Tom Throstle, to welcome me, as iLsual, I had settled to my satisfaction, as to my mother and Sissy. " I will be troubled no more by them," I said to myself; "they will think they can get nothing off me, and, therefore, will refrain from coming near me ; for I think I can depend on my mother's pride, and Sissy's determination. Perhaps they will die," I iiithlessly went on to ruminate, ''and then nothing will come " (to borrow Tom Throstle's quotation from Shakspeare) " betwixt the wind and my nobility I" With these worthy sentiments in my breast, I entered the room, where I found Tom engaged with toddy and tobacco- pipes, and anxiously awaiting my coming, although I did not explain to him where I had been. A moment more, and I was engaged like him, in puffing, blowing clouds, and swilling, while he went on to post me up, as to the grand ball, whch 224 THE beggar's BENISON. was now all arranged, and destined to take place in about a fortnight; and towards which, he instructed me, I would do well to provide all sorts of dress and gay garnishments, so that I might successfully storm the heart of the lovely Miss Tucker, and effectually put to route the pretensions of the detestable M'Chuckie. CHAPTER XXY. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. 'Tis aptly said, " the course of trae Love never smooth doth ma," Which means that, by our rivals, we Are very often "done." Alas I the sharpest, prickliest thorn. Will lurk amongst the roses. And what we least expected, will Pat out of joint our noses! The Goosedubbs Poet. The period widch lay betwixt my heart's desire and its realisation, namely, that of meeting at the subscription ball, which Tom Thi'ostle so energetically had got up, the object of my idolatry, Mlss Tucker, slowly passed away. That estimable young lady had accepted my presentation of a ticket, which I had sent to her, enclosed in a nice gilt-edged card — the stationery portion of wliich alone cost me two- pence — and which was inscribed in my best hand-writing, with blue ink — that being at the time the most fashionable colour, used for such documents, amongst the aristocracy. This epistle I despatched to the addi^ess of Miss Tucker, by the hands of Messrs. Gunter, Slide, & Company's porter, I having by this time, been a few days in the employment of that firm, and whom I rewarded with a pint of ale and a pipe of tobacco, in consequence of his bringing me back an answer without having peeped into it. The receipt of this latter docimient gave me particular pleasure. It was likewise written on gilt-edged paper, and with coloured ink, but unfortimately the former was only a half sheet of note paper, and confoundedly creased, soiled, and ill folded ; and the latter red ink, w^hich evidently she Q 226 THE beggar's benison. liad got from the desk of her employers. The grammar, too, was indifferent, although at that time I was no great judge of such literary niceties, and the spelling was abominable. I, however, as I have said, received the note with great joy, while excusing the blemishes I have named, on the score that she, no doubt, had been wishful to return an answer as desired, "per bearer," and had taken the first means at her disposal, and as near what they should have been as possible, to do so, without stopping to bother herself with the tyran- nical rules of Lindley Murray, or any other pedant. I read this delightful note three times before showing it to Tom Throstle, who afterwards likewise read it more than once, and then commenced to analyse and criticise it favourably to my views. " She is evidently much imjoressed with you," he was pleased to say, " if not in love with you ; for don't you observe that she actually uses the word ' pleasure ' three times, and the word ' happiness ' twice ; although, confound it ! she never spells one of them alike, nor even right — the first pleasure being minus an a, the second having two ee's, and the third spelt with an z ; while happiness, in the one case, has only one ^^, and in the other only one s ; however," he continued, while evidently determined that these slight mistakes should not prejudice her in my eyes, " you must not think anything of that, for it is likely she has had a bad pen, or the ink has been thick, which will account for it all ! " Whether the deficiency in stationery which Tom had sug- gested should have accounted for the errors he had pointed out, or not, I daresay I would not have thought the less of her; for there was a part of her note that made grammar or spelling of no importance whatever in my eyes, and that was expressed in two simple lines, namely, that " It would clo her great plezur and hapines to dans the first danze with won she was so much obleeged to !" "There my boy!" exclaimed Tom, as he read these words with a particular emphasis, "there is a declaration that THE beggar's benison. 227 would put even a quaker in a twitteration, if he were ad- dressed so. And as to M'Cliuckie, why, if he knew of it, he certainly would go mad with jealousy and vexation!" I was consequently doubly delighted, firstly in having gained Miss Tucker's favour so far, and secondly in having the prospect of triumi^hing over, and mortif)4ng my gigantic rival, whom in my mind's eye I beheld broken down with melancholy, and on the verge of suicide. I need hardly say that in anticipation of the forthcoming ball, I was not idle in making preparations both towards the adornment of my person, and the in\provement of my manners. I spent all my S23are cash, and at the same time took on a little credit, in procm-ing the neatest articles of dress that could be had. I likewise purchased a small book on the science of etiquette, which I studied profoundly, and which instructed me how to bow, and to smile, and to blow my nose better than other people did, indeed, in a way perfectly fascinating. In addition, I went to Monsieur Passeul's and got half-a-dozen lessons in waltzing, an accompKshment, which till then I had not acquired. With these preparations I felt myself to be perfectly fortified, and a thorough match for any rival that would dare to attempt to oust me in the good gi'aces of Miss Tucker, not excepting the M'Chuckie himself Duiing all this time, I may as well explain that notwith- standing the engrossing anticipations ^ath regard to the ball wliich pervaded my mind, I did not neglect my duties at Messrs. Gunter, Slide, & Company's, whose establishment I had now become an active member of On the contrary, although I myself say it, I was most attentive to my work there, and had reason to know that I was giving satisfaction to the heads of the firm. This circumstance I desire to take no credit for, for if I have any virtue, it is that of being a thorough business man, and fi'om the first, I always took delight in following out the duties and routine of a counting- house. My employment, however, in Gunter, Slide, & Com- pany's I found to be much more onerous than what I had been accustomed to in Silvertop & Company's, for they did an altogether difierent description of business, and an inordinate quantity of it, particularly when times were what are called "good," theii' operations principally consisting of purchasing 228 THE beggar's benison. goods, and shipping them to foreign ports, where they had either branch houses of their own, or consignees; receiving, in return, produce from these countries, by ships arriving either in London, Liverpool, or Glasgow; and although, of course, I was put to a particular department of their opera- tions, I was not long in busying myself with their other departments, partly from a morbid curiosity which I pos- sessed for such matters, and partly from having, if I may be allowed to again speak favourably of myself", a general intelligence, not altogether common to youths, who seek employment in such establishments merely for a living. So well did my superiors think of me, that i was, the very first week of my employment, entrusted to select small parcels of goods, at warehouses from which the firm bought, for shipment to foreign houses. These goods I was lucky in the clioice of, both as regarded patterns and prices, and gained, in consequence, the commendation of Mr. Slide; while, at the same time, I was praised by Mr. Gunter for my assiduity at the desk. The latter gentleman could not but feel pleased, after he knew that I had been running about all forenoon, and part of the afternoon, too, from firm to firm, in quest of particular parcels of goods (only he did not know that I took the longest and most roundabout roads to accomplish this, so that I might have a chance of passing the shop door where the gi'aceful Miss Tucker marched before the pier-glass formerly mentioned, showing off" shawls, &c., or that of meeting, and lifting my hat to her, as she pro- ceeded from said shop to her home, at the dinner hour) to see me sit down to my desk and begin to enter a note of the same in the proper book, and sciibble away more attentively — seemingly — than any of the other clerks who had been in all day. It was my secret, and not his, how- ever, that I had other matters besides those connected with the books, wherewithal to engage my pen. The fact is, I was deeply engaged in composing, no less than poetry, and that too, in the shape of a song addressed to Miss Tucker, which I proposed to myself, to sing on the occasion of the ball, about to take place — that is, at the supper connected therewith. This was a bold step, and, I may add, an arduous one ; for till now I had never paid any paii^icular attention to THE beggar's benison. 229 poetry, nor read much of it beyond the scraps that, here and there, pertained to the school books, and the exercises in writing, that were used at the seminary of Dominie Lickladdie. Resolved, however, I was, on this occasion, to become a poet, and, for the purpose, I purchased, at a book- stall, situated not far from my ancient locality of the Goosedubbs, a rhyming dictionary, which furnished me with great faci- lities, and much assistance, in my literary endeavours, I being under the impression, like most young and ardent " fol- lowers of the nine," that rhvme and not reason, nor, indeed, sense at all, constituted real poetiy. And, perhaps, after all, I was not far wrong in this idea; for at this present day, the poets who seem to get on best, and make most money, are those whom one cannot under- stand a line of, while those whom you can comprehend are looked upon as being only second and tliird-rate bards, and remunerated accordingly. With the assistance of my rhyming dictionary, and great pei-severance, perhaps, too, if it must be confessed, by boiTowing a little — or, as it is called, plagiarizing — from other poets, I managed to get up my song, and before the happy evening anived, I had hummed and sung it twenty times to myself, and at least thrice to Tom Throstle, who pronounced it (he being a bit of a poet, too) a "work" of real merit, and particularly so, when considered as a fii^st effort. It was with even more trepida- tion and timidity, if not excitement, than on the former occasion, that I accompanied my friend Throstle at last to the Sheep's Head Hotel, in the large hall of which the gi-and subscription ball was destined to take place, and which was adorned for the occasion with gi-eat quantities of paper wreaths and coloured cotton drapery. We were amongst the fii-st amvals, and, along with the Committee of Management, waited in the hall to welcome the guests as they came. I was delighted, in particular, to 230 THE beggar's BENISON. .observe tliat Mr. M'Chuckie entered the room alone, and not, as I feared would be the case, with Miss Tucker, who was amongst the latest arrivals, perhaps for the purpose of creating a sensation, and in which she succeeded; for on stepping from the sedan chair, which I had sent for her, at the cost of eighteenpence, she did look even more superb and distingue than ever I had noticed before. Of course, she kept her pro- mise, and gave me her hand to the first dance, which was a set of quadrilles, and in wliich she danced even more gi*ace- fully then on the first occasion when I had the pleasure of meeting her; for, having more space for display, she cut and pirouetted in a way that I feel impossible to describe, except by explaining that the point of her toe, on the occasion of one gyration, came so close to the countenance of a " near- sighted " gentleman, that, on starting back, his spectacles fell from his nose, and were almost dashed to fragments on the floor. I had reason to think that my being honoured on this occasion by the lovely Tucker gave great pain to the M'Chuckie. As might have been expected, he was her second partner, and I daresay would have continued her entire partner for the whole evening, had the rules of the ball permitted. This not being the case, Mr. M'Chuckie was not allowed to monopolise her to the same extent he had practised on the first occasion, and the consequence was, that not only I, but Mr. Throstle and others, had the felicity of dancing with her repeatedly afterwards, during the evening. He was, however, cunning enough, by a master-stroke, to' make up for this, and in a way that gave me much annoyance ; for, when the supper was announced, and which was a matter that at the time had completely escaped me, so much had I been taken up by the dancing, he was seen scuttling away. THE beggar's BENISON. 231 or, to use an Americanism, " skedaddling " with her under his arm to the apartment where that important collation had been laid, and where he got both himself and his Dulcinea snugly ensconced in a pleasant corner, where I could not get near them, particularly as a plain girl that I had been obliged to lead in, took it into her head to choose a seat away from, although opposite to them, and where I could only be rewarded by Miss Tucker with an occasional smile, as she devoted her atten- tion to the feast that was now displayed before us. This was inopportune, for it damped my spirits, and kept me from enjoying the good things which were provided, and which were on a scale of splendour and magnificence that I had never seen before; the fine set out of sweetmeats and pastry that fiu-nished the table, reminding me of, and, at the same time, eclipsing, the redundantly-laid counter, in the same way, of the worthy Quaker's shop, which, till this moment, had always appeared, in my eyes, to be the realisa- tion of what the preparation for a feast should be. What a display there now was, to be sure ! — not a bit of the table, or, rather, the tablecloth, to be seen — so numerous and varied were the dishes, containing meats, jellies, pastries, ices, and fruits. Of course, the sumptuous provisionings were done great justice to, and put every one into good spirits, particularly when the wine and punch-cups went their rounds, after the eatables had been discussed ; and so much so was this the case, that the singiug commenced much earlier than Tom Throstle remembered to have been the case, as he informed me, on any former occasion. Eveiy one, indeed, seemed disposed to sing, whether ladies or gentle- men, and that, too, without much pressing — some even volunteering to sing their "staves" (as Tom expressed it) without being called upon, Miiis Tucker, of course, sung. 232 THE beggar's benison. Mr. M^Chiickie likewise sung. Tom Throstle sun^ a comic song, that created much laughter and apj^lause, and a great many others sung. Indeed, so great was the warbling, and so numerous were the warblers, that I was at one time fearful that I would not get a chance of delivering the song I had prepared, with so much labour and assiduity, at alL For that chance, indeed, which came at last, I was indebted to my friend Throstle, who, having sung his second song, immediately on finishing, addressed the company and said he would use the privilege which he now possessed, of calling upon a friend, whom he knew could favour the company with a ditty of his own composition, and having named me, not only as the minstrel, but the bard of the occasion, begged the attention of the company to what was about to follow. I confess I never before felt such confusion as that which now came over me. My face was in a glow, and like scarlet, while, notwithstanding the quantity of wine and punch that I had imbibed to give me courage, I felt my heart quivering, and my head swimming. I do believe I would have remained silent under such a severe ordeal, or broken doAvn after I had commenced, had it not been for Tom Throstle, who was at my side, and who struck for me the key note, and promised to chime in with a bass or second if I should falter. I accordingly, although all eyes were turned upon me, and particularly those of Miss Tucker, took courage, and with the kindly promj^ting of Tom, delivered myself of the following, which I denomi- nated "The Dirge of the Despairing One:" Fair maid ! the happy fate is thine, . In exstacy to rove; But mine to drain the bitter cup, Of deep but hopeless love. Thy step is 'midst the bright and gay, The ball-room forms thy throne; While I, dejected and subdued, Am laxative and lone, Sweet love ! Am laxative and lone. I hear thee 'midst the happy throng. Where music holds its sway — I see thee carry with thy song The hearts of all away. THE beggar's BEXISOX. 233 Away, away, and mine the first, Despairingly is gone; For both dejected and subdued, I'm laxative and lone, Sweet love ! I'm laxative and lone. Oh I who shall comfort him that dwells In sadness and in sorrow? He weeps to-day — he weeps to-night — He weeps likewise to-morrow. His eyes are like a streaming fount, His peace of mind is gone; While sadly he doth wander forth, So laxative and lone. Sweet love ! So laxative and lone. Come death ! and quick relieve the v^oe, From which I cannot fly: Perchance she then may come to know My poignant misery. Ah ! yes, 'tis better far to die, Than live to sigh and groan; For both neglected and subdued, I'm laxative and lone, Sweet love ! I'm laxative and lone. Glorious conceit! glorious ignorance! above all, gloiious impudence ! without these elements I never could have got through that song! Oh! how I have blushed since I came to know better, on thinking over what must have been the exhibition I made of mvself, in delivering such execrable stuff! Nevertheless, the company received my "lucubration" with great civility ; veiy few of the ladies tittered, and, with the exception of the M'Chuckie, none of the gentlemen sneered, while not a few applauded, and one or two exclaimed encore/ but not to such an extent as to warrant me in in- flicting it again on the company. Indeed, I might have found some difficulty had I essayed to do this, for by this time many ladies and gentlemen had left for the ball-room again, where dancing was resumed with great ^-igour — the fiddlers and fifers having, in the meantime, been refi'eshed, as well as the gentry. Mr M 'Chuckle now broke through aU constraint, and put 234 THE beggar's benison. the rules which had been made by the cominittee, and till then respected, at complete defiance, while showing at the same time his extreme selfishness and impudence (at all events in my eyes), for, having led Miss Tucker back to the ball-room, he never let another individual beyond himself get a chance of dancing with her. And perhaps she was to blame a little in the matter herself, if one may judge from the sequel. He danced several sets of quadrilles with her, waltzed as often, and seemed determined to finish off, in the last country dance, which had been annoiinced as the finale, likewise with her. In consequence, I never got another chance; for, althougli I asked her, at least three times, to be my partner, she was always engaged — with her tale, — and I thought that, in re- fusing me, which was not altogether in a whisper, that I could see, by the glance and leer given by the M'Chuckie, that my disappointment gave him no small delight. Tom Throstle, who likewise wished to dance with Miss Tucker, joined issue with me in deprecating such conduct, on the part of the M 'Chuckle, and, indeed, made a formal complaint on the subject, to the Committee entrusted with the management of the ball; but these gentlemen, after laying their heads together, declined to interfere in the mat- ter : assigning, as a reason, that as it wa s now after supi)er, and not long before the party would break up altogether, it would be a pity to run the risk of any quarrel taking place, and consequently we could get no redress. I, however, got one lucky opportunity of squeezing her hand, and speaking to her confidentially, though briefly, when I took the opportunity of whispering into her ear, " Now, Miss Tucker, I expect you will allow me the pleasure and honour of seeing you home?" She did not say " nay," but gave something like a sigh, if not exhibiting a blush, while leaving me in perplexity and doubt; although, on the whole, I considered what she seemed to express thereby, a good omen as to my success, coupled with the fact that T had been the donor of her ticket, and had, therefore' an additional claim ui)on her generosity. When the time, therefore, came for the ladies to array themselves in the walking dresses and stout shoes, in which they were to proceed liome, I was duly at my post, waiting THE beggar's BENISON. 235 in the lobby, -with the rest of the heaux, who were, like my- self, bent upon conveying their partners or sweethearts home, and who — as the dear creatures popped outwards, dressed in mantles, or cloaks with hoods, the same making them rather undistingiiishable, except to the sharp-sighted — stepped for- ward, and presenting their arms, yanished with their precious charges, into the gloom of the night. Mr. M 'Chuckle, as might have been expected, was amongst the aspirants, or rather claimants; but I fondly- hoped to cut him out by means of my activity, and the appeal I had made to Miss Tucker, already mentioned At last she made her ap- pearance, and, as luck would have it, in such a position tliat I had the golden opportunity of being first at her side, holding out my arm to her, at the same time, in the most inviting fashion. She did not, however, take it, as I expected she would have done, but seemed to be engaged in bustling with her cloak, while proceeding towards the door, and so outwards; but alas! with the vile M'Chuckie closely atten- dant at her other side; and so we went on, in this awkward fashion for some time, no one speaking a word, and Miss Tucker only tittering, while I was not sure whether or not she had taken the arm of my rival, M 'Chuckle, At last the latter seemingly could bear the contest no longei', for, leaving her side at the turn of a street, where the pavement was rather narrow, he suddenly threw himself across my path, and without giving me the least warning of what was about to follow, he hit me a most tremendous blow with his sledge-hammer of a '^maivley,'' fii^t on the right eye, and then on the left one, following up the same, \%dth a crusher on the "conk," that made me feel as though that organ had become a pan -cake, while from it a plentiful stream of " the claret" ruddily flowed. This was not even enough to satisfy the M 'Chuckle's re- 236 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. veiige, for, on clapping my hands to my face, to feel if my eyes were in, and nose on, and very naturally turning round so as to escape further blows, while so engaged, he saluted me with a certain description of ignominous kick, which set me a spinning, and at the same time, with a rap on the nape of the neck, that fairly brought me to all fours, amongst the mud. This seemingly at last satisfied his enmity for the time, and determined him to do no more execution, for on looking up from my now humbled attitude of "all fours," with what of ocular ability that remained to me, I observed him, by the light of the waning moon, which was now beaming luridly in the east, stalking off, with his arm around the waist of Miss Tucker, who was flouncing furiously, while she merrily laughed, and unfeelingly exclaimed, " Impudent fellow : he has just got his desarvings! " CHAPTER XXYI. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. In former days the custom was — When injured by a fellow — To call him out, &ud pink him off. By process of duello. But in these modem days, thank God ! There's no such custom known : So Terj- prudent, wise, and good. Society has grown I The Gooseduhhs Poet. "Impudent fellow, lie has just got Ms desarvingsT' — how that phrase rang in my ears, while these members seemed to grow and become elongated, as well they might, in keeping with the conviction which began to steal upon me, of the donkey I had become, not only in my own eyes, but in those of the individual that had been the means of biinging me into such a degi^ading position. " And this is the reward of my devotion to this cruel maiden !" I exclaimed, as I gathered myself up from my knees and hands, which were all besmutted with mud, and vainly attempted, with my yellow silk handkerchief, fragi^ant with lavander — a perfume that ever since, has been peculiarly offensive to me, particularly at balls — to staunch the scarlet stream that trickled from my damaged probosis, "this is the result of my politeness and devotion; this is the return for the one pound eleven and six, that I have spent in tickets — not to mention what I have expended in silk socks, dancing pumps, kid gloves, and blue watch-ribbons — all for her sake!" Of course, sympathy is sweet, under any circumstances, so I sought my home, feeling certain that I would meet with 238 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. it there, and that, too, from my faithful friend, Tom Throstle. Accordingly, when I presented myself before him, as he sat, awaiting my coming, in a half undressed state, at our lodging — and where, in anticipation of a pleasant gossip, regarding the incidents of the ball, he had already laid out a su2:>ply of ale, whisky, hot water, and tobacco-pipes, — he was tliunderstruck with my appearance. Seizing a "mutton dip" which was burning on the table, and holding it close to my face, he shouted, " where, in the name of Beelzebub, have you been? Have you been attacked by robbers, or have you had a row with the watch ? Have you tumbled into a pit, or fallen into an area'i — for you are the awfulest sight I ever beheld ! Why, your eyes are both black and blue, the left one being completely sewed up, and the right one bloodshot, while your nose is both flat and swollen at the same time ! Then, as to your clothes," he went on to say, " why, your shirt-collar and breast-ruffles are torn and bedaubed with blood; your silk vest is rent, and your hat crushed ; your ' long-tailed blue' besmeared, as if by a paint-brush ! Tell me, man, how this has happened, and who has done it?" "Done it!" I at last replied, as I sank exhausted on a chair, "the devil has done it! Miss Tucker has done it! M'Chuckie has done it ! Oh I Tom, I am the victim of deceit! of revenge! of cruelty! of barbarity! of jealousy ! and of misplaced confidence !" THE beggar's bexison. 239 I then went on more coolly, and witli less declamation, to give a succinct account of what had happened, during which narration, I divested myself of my soiled gannents for a deshabille suit, while assisted by Tom, who brought me hot water fi'om the kitchen (Mrs. Gusset having gone to bed), with which I bathed my damaged orbs, and nasal protu- berance, and which, in consequence of said lavation, although still looking bad, began to feel less j)ainful. *'The rascal!" exclaimed Tom, as I brought my account of the melee to a close, " the \ile, cowardly, six-foot-three-inch, knave ! the sixteen stone bully ! the long-armed monster 1 — to strike a comparatively Kttle fellow like you, in such a way — and so much younger, too, and but half his weight — and in so stealthy and fox-like a manner : why, the scoundrel deserves hanging !" " But I'll put you up to a way of getting ample revenge on him," continued Tom, as he imbibed a long and hearty swig of the ale, and then blew clouds of tobacco smoke from his mouth in successive puffs, like volleys from the poi-t- holes of a line-of-battle ship, " I'll instinct you how to bring his pride down, and make him far lower than you were amongst the mud even ! And guess how that will be managed "?" " By lodging an information against him at the police office, and having him taken up upon a charge of assault and batteiy 1" replied I. " No ! " emphatically answered Tom, " that would never do; for the chances are that he would make a coimter charge against you, and so turn the tables in his favour. But, be- sides, how could you prove it, for you have only one witness, namely Miss Tucker, and more than likely she would go against you instead of him? No ! no ! — that would never do; — guess again'? " Well," I said, " I confess I am rather puzzled what fur- ther I should guess. I presume you would not have me to put the case into the hands of a lawyer for the pui'pose of i-aising an action, with the view of obtaining damages off him]" "By no means," replied Tom, "for under such circum- stances you would be just in the same predicament as if you had, as you proposed, made a police case of it, in regard to witnesses. Besides, I look upon this matter more as an affair 240 THE BEGGARS BENISON. of honour, than of damages — it being connected with love, and there is a lady in the case!" "What then do joa propose," I inquired, — "to place myself in a quiet corner some night, and attack him with bludgeons or a horse-whip from behind, when he is not ex- pecting anything of the kind? " " That would be worse than all," said Tom in reply, " for being a strong fellow he might wrest the weapon out of your hand and belabour you within an inch of your life with it; besides it would not be honourable warfare!" " But I'll tell you what should be done," continued Tom, as he strode towards his chest, which stood in a comer of the room, and dived into its interior, "I'd have you to try him with a small touch of the duello, and these are the instruments for the purpose ! " As he said this, he placed upon the table a pair of rusty horse, or holster pistols, mth barrels of about ten inches in length, and having flint locks, and wliich, after giving me a few minutes to sur- vey them, he took up again, and after cocking them, snapped them so as to make the sparks fly from their locks in a truly awful manner. "These," he went on to say, "'are your tnie equalizers of strength, in the combat where beauty is concerned, and place men of honour upon a par with all who have any claim to civilisation or chivalry! With one of these, in your right hand, and the other in that of the giant M'Chuckie, and twelve paces betwixt you : why, strength — that is mere vulgar, brute strength — is as nothing! It is moral strength, and moral strength alone, that then tells!" I sat gazing, in silence, and amazement, perhaps with a THE beggar's bexison. 241 little admiration, mixed with hoiTor at Tom, as lie delivered these doughty sentiments, and wondering what would be the result, while he went on to eulogize and commend what he denominated " the institution of the duello.'^ But, I confess, I did not relish the subject at alL I had heard of such things as duels, it is true; that is to say, I had read of them in newspapei-s, it being quite a common thing at that period for gentlemen to go out, for the most trivial causes, particu- larly if these were connected with love or politics ; and, there- fore, it was no unusual thing to read in the newspapers that on such and such a day an " affaii' of honour" — as it was called — had taken place, wherein " ]\Ir. Blank, attended by Mr. Blank as his second, had met Mr. Blank, attended by Mr. Blank as Ms second," when, ''after an exchange of shots, the parties had come to a satisfactory explanation," or " understanding," or some thing or other, much better than a ball through the heart, or a " bullet in the thorax," and had left the ground "perfectly reconciled." Sometimes the parties were int^naipted, on reaching the ground, by the Sheriff of the County, who bound them over to keep the peace, when the happy dogs walked off, of course much obliged to the Sheriff for his interference, although pretending to be greatly annoyed thereat. Some- times one party fired and missed, while his opponent discharged his pistol in the air; but I never remembered to have read of any casualty having happened to any of the individuals concerned, far less a death, wliich said much for the good luck oi the combatants. No doubt, fatal cases did occur, but I knew of none connected with the West Country, and particularly with my much beloved native City, where the inhabitants are as bellicose and brave, as any others, bearing the title and possessing the pride of Scotsmen. Notwithstanding these bloodless facts, connected with duelling, I did not respond to Tom's admiration of this manner of settling "gentlemanly differences," as he called them, in a way that met his approval; and it was not, therefore, until I had imbibed a considerable quantity of ale, and smoked at least a couple of pipes, that I would consent to entertain the idea at all. Dutch courage, how- ever, by that time, having begun to obtain sway over me, coupled with a hint from Tom that, if I comported myself 242 THE beggar's benison. bravely, I miglit still effect a conquest of Miss Tucker's heart, particularly if M'Chuckie were afraid to meet me — of which Tom had no doubt — when I would be at liberty to post him as a coward, I began to look upon the proposal more favourably; and, before turning into bed, I had written a challenge to the M'Chuckie, dictated by Tom, and had authorised the latter to wait upon my foe the next morning — or rather the same morning — for the purpose of bringing him to book. That being settled, we retired to our respective cribs, Tom to sleep soundly, as his heavy snoring indicated was the case, and I to toss and tumble in feverish agony — partly from the pain which I suffered in my nose and eyes, and partly from the dread I felt that possibly the M'Chuckie would shoot me, or failing which, that I would shoot him, and ultimately expiate my crime before the Court House portico, even as my respected stepfather and the lamented Barney had done theirs, as has already been honourably recorded. So much did the very possibility of either horrible result act upon my feelings, that I resolved to withdraw from Tom the authority I had given him to challenge M'Chuckie, and as I felt sleep entirely banished from my eyelids, I lay watching for the moment when he should awake, to put this resolution into execution. Unluckily, however, I fell asleep myself, and, when I awoke, I found that Tom was off, no doubt to carry out what I now, of all things, deprecated and shrunk from. I waited impatiently for his coming back, during which })ainful period I could not help representing to myself that Tom had evinced rather a prompt desire to bring about this " affair of honour," as he called it, and I, consequently, had almost a mind to abstract from his chest — which I observed he had left open — the pistols he had exhibited the night before, and hide them in some cunning nook, where they would not be found again till the affair had blown over. But this idea I abandoned as one that would not work. I then thought of giving a quiet hint myself about the meeting to the Master of Police, so that he might arrest us both, as well as M'Chuckie, but this, likewise, I saw objections to. And at last I came to the resolution of leaving the affair to Providence ! THE BEGGAR'S BENISON. 243 Having nothing, however, particular to do in the meantime, I surveyed my countenance in the glass. My nose I found was not so bad as I expected it would have been, but my teeth felt loose, while my eyes were shockingly discoloured, there be- ing on both of them not only blue circles, but yellow ones, which gave me quite a black- guai'd appearance, and which I thought would not altogether suit the atmosphere of Gunter, Slide, & Company's establish- ment. While I was wondering what I should do under the circum- stances, Tom suddenly burst into the room, holding a handkerchief to his face, while he exclaimed, '' By Jingo ! he is a fearful fellow, that M'Chuckie; and he- shows a pluck and deter- mination that I never expected!" This announcement greatly alarmed me, for I considered it an intimation that my doom was sealed, and that the handkerchief applied to Tom's eyes, was to stop the tears that, of course, flowed for my fate. A moment, however, served to relieve me from this fi'esh anguish, for, on Tom removing the handkerchief fi^om his face, I found that he was in as bad a plight as myself: that is, that both his eyes were likewise black and blue, and his nose almost flattened, or at all events, considerably inflamed. To be explicit, and come to the point at once, it turned out that Tom had waited on M'Chuckie at his house, or rather that of his mother — which, as Tom described, was a flat situated at the top of a common stair; that on rapping thereat, the door of said house bad been opened by Mrs. M'Chuckie herself, who had gone to call her son (on learn- ing that an important letter was to be delivered by the bearer's own hands) who was still in bed; that Mr. M'Chuckie had there and then arisen, and come to the door, seemingly not in the best of humours, for being distui'bed so early; that he had read the letter; that he had torn it into 244 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. a hundred pieces, and thrown them in Tom's face; that he had then given him a couple of thumps upon the eyes and nose, and had ultimately discharged him with a kick au derriere, that had sent him spinning, from the top of the stair to the bottom, while he scarcely knew whether his head or his heels were uppermost! Tom went on to say, that on recovering his senses, which he had considerable difficulty in doing, a vast number of ideas had crossed his mind as to what he should do in regard to this furious monster: from calling in the aid of the police, to challeng- ing him on his own account; but seeing difficulties connected with all these projects, he had at last resolved to come direct home, so that we might lay our heads together as to what should be resolved upon. And we did lay our heads together, and a pretty pair of heads they appeared to be, after the gratuitous pommelling, and painting, and burnishing, they had respectively got from theM'Chuckie! As we gazed at our damaged physiognomies in the cracked looking-glass, we were alternately angry and sad at the appearance we made, but it ended as it should do : we incontrollably burst into a roar of laughter at our lacrimose and ridiculous appearances, and this brought us to something like our senses. We now saw that M 'Chuckle had befooled us, and gained a complete \ictory over us, to attempt to upset which, by any course, like what we proposed to follow, was out of the question. On my part, too, I must confess, I now felt a secret satisfaction that things had come to the issue they were at In the first place, I felt relieved, in respect that I would not require to turn out in the duelling way, and expose myself to the chance of cold lead making a hole through my body. In the second, I felt gratified that Tom's rather gratuitous attempt, to place me in an unenviable position, should have THE beggar's BENISON. 245 recoiled on himself; and, in the third, I felt consoled, because I was not alone a sufferer. It was, therefore, with something approaching to pleasure — at all events, it was with extreme resignation — that I agreed to join Tom in becoming a prisoner to the house for a day or two, in order that we should assist each other in the cure of our wounds, or rather blemishes, and as this involved the necessity of our assuming a recumbent position and being very quiet, with raw beefsteaks applied to our eyes, with the kind assistance of excellent Mrs. Gusset, who proved to be a capital nurse, we consequently became to each other, respectively, objects of great sympathy and interest CHAPTER XXVII. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. How oft 'tis stated that success Attends the man of pluck ; When, on enquiring, it appears, 'Tis only his good- luck ! The Goosedubbs Poet. It took the best part of a week before my eyes had regained their former healthy appearance, so as to permit me to re- sume my duties at Gunter, Slide, & Company's, creditably and decently. This hiatus might have been of serious consequence to me, only, luckily, what time had been consumed tlius uselessly, had formed part of the fast, or preaching week — an usual half yearly occurrence, dear to clerks, " counter-lowpers," and shopkeepers — and consequently my absence was not much noticed, particularly as both Mr, Gunter and Mr. Slide had themselves been away from business — the one having gone to Manchester, and the other to the north, during these holi- days — and I, therefore, had only to report myself to an upper clerk, who was easily satisfied with my explanation. Moreover, I was the first of the establishment at work on the Monday morning after the " preachings," — having for the purpose had to rouse up the porter who kept the keys of the office, so early as six o'clock, and for which piece of ac- tivity that official did not thank me, — consequently, by the time the others made their appearance, I was completely up with ray work, and comparatively all right. It is true, that if a critical eye had inspected my visage, THE BEGGARS BEXISON. 247 traces of my late rencontre might have been visible; but here art and tact had come to my assistance; for some slight shades of blue and yellow in the neighbourhood of my eyelids that remained, were most artistically painted by Tom Throstle, respectively with French whitening and rouge, that almost defied de- tection, while to put danger entirely out of reach, when any one came near me, I bored my nose into my books in a furor of at- tentiveness that doubly did service to ma I saw that this preten- tious industry had good ef- fect with Mr. Slide, and that I was becoming a favourite with him, and gradually and decidedly getting into his confidence. I resolved, therefore, to comport myself with propriety, and to lose no opportunity of fostering his good graces to- wards me. And in more ways than one, perhaps, I was entitled to these, seeing that for upwards of six months subsequently, I laboured late and early for the benefit of my employers, neglecting nothing, and shrinking from nothing, in the way of my duties. Of course, this was fully put down to my credit by the firm, but it was not altogether fi'om disinterested motives, after all, that I had done what had led to this. The fact is, that — whatever I might be in love, or in pleasure, or, it may be, in dissipation — in business, I was no fool. I had all my wits about me in Gunter, Slide, and Company's; and, with a never-failing ambition, I was determined that these wits should serve my purpose if possible. I had made a little discovery, to be plain, that I calculated, if well acted upon, might turn out to my advantage, and it simply was this: — In prying, with my wonted laudable curiosity, into matters connected with the business, and, of 248 THE beggar's BENISON. course, shutting my eyes to notliing of a written nature, I discovered, amongst the general letters, that lay on our corresponding clerk's desk, a duplicate note from the partner of one of our South American houses, that referred to a private letter which had been sent to Mr. Slide, and this struck me presciently as being something that might bear on my fate. And I was not wrong in this surmise, for, on poking my hand into the pocket of Mr. Slide's greatcoat, which he had hung against the door of his private room, previ- ously to his going down to the read- ing room, as was his usual, and from the window of which private room I could see him as he progressed along the street, I therein discovered the letter alluded to. To read it, and digest its contents, was the work of a moment, and these I found to be of the deepest interest to me. The letter expressed the regret of the writer that Mr. Slide had not yet fallen in with some young man or other, sufficiently acquainted with goods, whom he could send out to the said South American establishment, to replace a clerk who still held therein the office of salesman to the natives, and as that clerk, notwith- standing a heavy advance in salary that had been offered to him, was determined to return home in the fall, he hoped that a substitute might be found for him without delay. The letter then went on to point out what the qualifica- tions and abilities of the clerk required, should be, and, in my conceited imagination, so thoroughly described myself as the desideratum, that I immediately felt as if I were already invoiced, packed up, and booked for exportation to the locality. With regard to emigi-ating, the idea pleased me vastly: the salary that the foreign partner named as the worth of a good clerk, in that country, being far beyond what was given here, and, consequently, the latter iiow appeared, in my eyes, as being a perfect starvation wage. Having replaced the letter in Mr. Slide's pocket, I THE beggar's benison. 249 forthwith gave vent to my fancy, and, as usual, commenced to build castles in the air of an inordinate degree. In my imagination, I had Mr. Slide almost on his knees soliciting me to accept the office, while I cautiously and cunningly bid him up and up, till I not only obtained a fabulous salary, but a partnei-ship, leading to a gigantic fortune. Tom Throstle, whom I, of course, made a confident of, in the matter, fanned the flame, and consequently we smoked an immense quantity of tobacco, and quaffed a proportionate supply of ale on the head of it. Altogether, I was in a delirium of joy, modified and controlled, however, by the provoking circumstance that, although I toiled harder and more attentively at my duties than I had ever done before — purchasing goods at prices so low that Mr. Slide stared with wonder, and of patterns so tastefully chosen, that he smiled with delight — he never spoke a word on the subject so dear to my heart. This circumstance was perplexing, and seriously taxed the ingenuity both of Tom Throstle and myself to accoimt for it, when one day, at last, the tme facts of the case oozed out, and plunged us both into sadness, — Tom, be it obsei-ved, having made up his mind, that if I got this situation, I, on getting abroad, would soon procure a similar situation for him, either in the same house, or another of like standing. ' It turned out, alas ! that Mr. Slide had fixed upon another young man altogether, namely, a clerk in a neighbouring house with which we did a considerable deal of business. This young man I had daily been in the habit of meeting in his employer's warehouse, when I flattered myself I could *' turn him round my little finger" — meaning thereby, that I was a better man of business than he. I need not say that I felt much mortified at thLs appoint- ment, and was inclined, in consequence, to adopt Tom Throstle's view of Mr. Slide's reasons for ha^^g made it, as being extremely selfish. Tom also thought that I had over- done the matter; indeed, that I had worked too hard for Gunter, Slide, Cn CHAPTER XXVIII. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. "Parting's sweet sorrow," so the poet says — Yet very melancholy, many think — Indeed, it is no better than 'tis called, If 'twere not for the farewell feast and drink! The Goosedubbs Poet. On the morrow I acquainted Mr. Slide that I would be happy to accept his offer, and, in due time, be prepared to proceed in the vessel that was aj^pointed to sail to the port in South America, where was situated Gunter, Slide, & Com- pany's house, of which I ex^Dected to become an impoi*tant oflSicial. But though Mr. Slide was willing enough to confirm this proposed appointment, I found, to my consternation, from what he explained to me, that there were great difficulties in the way. Mr. Gunter, it seemed, took an altogether different view from his partner, of the matter. He con- sidered me perfectly iu experienced, and, though clever enough, too young for such a responsible position. He, therefore, thought that I should continue as I was, and serve out my original engagement of three years, when, ^^perJiapSj the idea might be entertained." This was a severe staggerer to me, and one which per- plexed and subdued both the minds of myself and Tom Throstle, notwithstanding the consolation we sought in a return to sweet ale and black cutties — port wine and cigars being once more out of our reach. Still hope did not desert me, for although I knew that THE beggar's benison. 255 both Mr. Gimter and Mr, Slide were again making research for a suitable person, and even trying to shake the affec- tionate determination of the young man whom they had formerly been engaged with, and whose reverence for the Fifth Commandment was so much in contrast to mine, I trusted in my good luck — an element which, I may state, although occasionally apparently deserting me, yet, on the whole, did me often great service, and greatly supported me through life, as already has been told in the foregoing nar- ration, and will afterwards be referred to in the sequel. That good luck did come to my aid, and in a way I least expected; for, one day, who should pop into our office but Mr. Bracepiece, to beg back my services again, if they could be spared, in consequence of a change having suddenly occurred connected with his business, which made it necessary for him to procure the assistance of a clerk upon whom he could depend. This brought the affaii- at once to an issue. Mr. Slide went immediately to Mr. Gunter, who, in talking the matter over with him, saw that if he did not appreciate me, others did, and that went a great length in changing his views. He, therefore, gave in, and Mr. Slide returned to me smiling, to report that I was appointed positively to the place. I felt, however, lowered in my own estimation, by the manner in which I had been subjected to criticism, and depreciated, and turned inside out, as it were, like a piece of the goods I myself was daily in the habit of negotiating purchases of, before accepting as a bargain. I saw, indeed, that I was nothing but an item of commerce, and although I might now be on the high road to greater preferment, that I was, nevertheless, only valued according as such " stock" was rare or plentiful in the market. Had Messrs. Gunter, Slide, & Company, I said to myself, been able to serve themselves cheaper, or better, or more readily other- wise, they never would have cast into my scale the slightest weight of favour, but just have placed me aside for a more suitable article in these respects; so true is the aphorism of the philosophical merchant, that " there is no friendship in business !" "No friendship in business!" — how true, this one will perhaps exclaim, who has struggled through the thorns of a 256 THE beggar's benison. commercial career, to arrive, at last, at old age — or rather, premature old age — with nothing a-year to live upon — " Then age and want, ah ! ill-matched pair, Tell man was made to mourn !" '* How false !" however, may that one, who is enjoying the happy illusion of primary good luck, be heard assever- ating to the contrary. " Why !" — the latter will very possibly continue, — " look but around, and you will see, every day, hundreds of illustrations, proving what I aver! Do you not see fat Mr. Twist, the spinner, dining with, and giving din- ners to, sleek Mr. Longstaple, the cotton broker, at least once a month? And where will you meet Mr. Drugger, the dry- salter, and his wife, Mrs. Drugger, so often as at the elegant table of Mr. Madder, the turkey-red dyer'? — all in conse- quence of their business friendships ! " And then, what glorious dinners they give ! — what hospi- tality ! — what anxious inquiries after the respective little ones of each! — what hilarity! — what friendly shaking of hands when they meet ! — what kindly wishes when they part ! — and does this not prove that there is friendship, and real friend- ship, too, in business ?" " All a mere part of an inflated idea !" more than likely the disappointed controversialist will rejoin. " All a matter of debit and credit, and having nothing to do with friendship at all! — all as unreal as the joke over a negotiation in the counting-house, or the smile over a bargain in the sale-room! Let any one of these dear friends,^' he will perhaps continue, " change but his business connection, and become a customer to others, and the locality of the dinners will change too — the warm grasp of the drawing-room will become the dry nod of the street ; yea, the highest regard v/ill be transferred into the cut dii-ect. Let him, however, change his position in this way : — Let him lose his money — let him fail — let hira requii'e to ask the aid of his quondam entertainer, and what then ? Alas ! all these happy and hospitable scenes become a vision of the past ! He then finds that respect dwindles down to contempt; that poverty is a crime; that fiiendship in business, in a word, is a myth !" I now began to prepare for my voyage, towards which I got an advance from my employei-s, and by the time the ship THE beggae's benison. 257 was readv for sea, I had all my books written up, my successor instructed as to my mode of procedure, in the selecting and purchasing of goods, and evei^iihing put on a footing to enable me to leave with credit, the department I had con- ducted on this side of the globe. At the same time, I commenced to suffer the throes and regrets of parting — anomalous although such amiable sensa- tions may appear to have been in one, who has wiitten him- self down as being so extremely selfish and unfeeling a per- son. StUl I did feel these. And after all, perhaps, it was the extreme of selfishness that made me thus suffer. I had so much self-love within me, that I felt it woidd be undignified if I should go without being regi'etted, and, therefore, I yearned to be in the reci- procal mood of regretting. But here the question arose within my breast : " To whom should my regrets extend?" — and along with that, morti- fying answers — " To Miss Tucker ?" — " She cares not a pin point for me I — she never did! — and even if she did, is she not the vnie of another — aye, even of the M'Chuckie ?" — " To any of the numerous young ladies whom I used to meet at vulgar dancing parties, and T;\-ith whom I pedantically flirted, and sentimentalised?'' — " Xot one of these remem- bers me beyond the ephemeral occasions of our meetings, more than she does the oranges, and tarts, and cheese-cakes that engaged her affections as much as I did, on these evenings !" And thus I went on, cudgelling my brains for an idea that would administer to my egoism, and at last I hit upon one that brought my heart to my mouth, and the blood to my cheek! "To my mother and poor Sissy*?" I involuntarily said to myself; and then I suffered one of those mental stniggles wherein men will debate for, and against themselves so ingeniously, and yet so severely, that philosophers can only account for the phenomenon, by asserting that there exists a duality of the brain, the lobes on one side being moral, or revengeful, or vindictive, or furious, as the case may be, and on the other side the reverse, and thereby is constituted conscience, which, as Shakspeare says, " doth make cowards of us all !" 258 THE beggar's benison. Of course, in this self-constituted court, as might be expected, the trial was a tough one, and as I sat at the bar of my own breast, with my elbows on the table, and my brow on my hands, and alternately listen- ing to the debate of counsel on each side, the ordeal could not but be severe. I was, however, before a ver- dict could be returned, aroused from my reverie, by Tom Throstle, who came from his engagements sooner than usual, to spend, in jollity, the last remaining evening I was to pass in my native city, before leaving for the other side of the " herring pond," as he was pleased to denominate the Atlantic, with his usual happy facetiousness. And a pretty fair sort of night in that way we did pass. Tom intended that we should be alone, so that we might have as much private intercourse as possible, without being intruded on by any one. We accordingly talked over old matters, and new ideas; old loves, and new attractions; old hopes and new expectations, and so on. We like\vise sung our old songs, and flattered each other — Tom, in. particular, being very good at that sort of thing — for I believed him, when he assured me that there would be many wet eyes amongst the fair sex of our acquaintance, when they learned that I was " o'er the seas and far away!" Tom then ordered a "bit of supper," which Mrs. Gusset with her own hands brought in; and so plentiful, and nicely cooked was it, that we could not help asking her son, Nalium, to come and partake of it, along with us. This he favoured us by acceding to, and I was glad of the circumstance, for ]Mrs. Gusset had proved to be a very good landlady, while I dwelt in her house, and the said Nahum had been a very quiet and unobtrusive neighbour at the same time. I had seen little of the latter, beyond meeting him in the passage, and occasionally on the stair, as he passed in and out, he having been principally engaged during the evenings THE BEGGAR S BENISON. 259 in teaching gentlemen's sons, as a private tutor, at their own residences, and, in the day time, in attending his studies at the College, as a theological student, in which he had been so successful, that he had managed to pass the Presbytery, and obtain a license as a preacher, ha%'mg, in his trial ser- mons, before that reverend body, acquitted himself, accord- ing to report, sonorously, solemnly, and orthodoxically, as indeed his physiognomy, to any one, might have told, would have been the case. The appearance of the reverend Nahum, as he stalked into the room, with his tall, gaunt body, dressed in rusty black habiliments, and al- _ most reaching fi'om the floor to the roof: while his lanky hair fell around his shoulders in long straight and dank locks, rather threw a shade of control over Tom Throstle and me, but, at the same time, it added respectability to the occasion, particularly when he inaugurated the supper with a long and nasally emphasised grace, in the course of which he occa- sionally opened one eye, to view, as it were, the " mercies" lying on the table, and for which he was expressing gratitude. And, indeed, he showed his gratitude in a fiirtlier and more substantial way besides; for, tripe, "finnan baddies," and sausages, vanished before him in a most appreciable style, washed down, as they were, with gulps of Edinburgh ale that might have floated a salmon, and a dram that might have preserved it from decay for a fortnight, only that, instead of being for the presei'vation of the discussed viands, the reverend Nahum declared, in the only words he spoke during the repast, that "it was merely for the sake of digestion!" But if the worthy gentleman was silent during supper, he made up for that by a most monopolising loquacity after- wards, preliminarised, as it was, by an after-gi*ace — denomi- 260 THE BEGGAR S BENISON. nated in Scotland " returning thanks," that perfectly threw into the shade the "blessing before meat." It was some- thing betwixt a prayer and a speech, for it ranged from the solemnity of the one to the generality of the other, in a way that only reverend gentle- men, and particularly Pres- byterian ones, can practise ; while, as a display of the kind, it was perfect. He first thanked Provi- dence for the bountiful "table that had been spread in the wilderness." He then prayed that it might be attended with a blessing, and continued from day to day ; indeed, he craved that " our store might be in- creased, and that our cup should overflow !" After this rather superabundant demand, he diverged to "the occasion that had brought us together." "It was one," he said, "of love and affection — of Christian feeling and kind wishes, in which nothing like selfishness intruded; but, on the contrary, pure benevolence, and self- denial. Its purposes," he continued, "were, in a general way, to express the bitter sorrow that those present felt in losing the society of one who was endeared to them by so many tender recollections, and pleasant occasions of intercourse, and, in a particular one, to wish him success in the new field that was spread before him, for exercising the \'irtues and talents that he possessed!" He then parenthetically prayed that my voyage might be prosperous, while alluding to the dangers encountered by those who "go down to the sea iq ships." and from that he at once sprung to the beamies of the sunny lands and halcyon climate of the New World, whither " our interesting friend was directing his steps and attention." The locality at which the Pev. Nahum Gusset had now arrived, seemed to promise an interminable field for his " solemn communings," which was rather annoying to Tom Throstle; for I observed, on casting my eyes towards him, THE beggar's benison. 261 that he was screwing his mouth and shrugging his shoulders in despair. I was delighted, however, to observe, at the same time, that Mrs. Gusset, although sho%ving proper and discreet respect towards the pious ejaculations of her reverend son, was not altogether allo^ving useful time to be thrown away ; for, while the one "pronounced," the other, slipping quietly, and on tip-toe, placed on the table the implements necessary for the usual constitutional tipple that should always follow a good supper, and which reverend gentlemen respect as much as most folks do. Mrs. Gusset, no doubt, placed them on the table, on this occasion, much slower than she usually did, but still she did so with certainty; aye, even to the steaming jug of hot water that was destined for the toddy, and which actually fizzed, as if it were still on the fire. And perhaps it was well that she did so; for it, seemingly, when nothing else would, at last, to the gi-eat relief of Tom Throstle and myself, brought the divine to his Amen, and then, oh ! what a clinking of glasses, an'd clatter of toddy ladles, took place— the reverend Nahum being the first to have his timibler filled, from which he took a hearty swig, and pronounced the same to be excellent ! Nahum, then, did not let time pass idly away; for, before Tom and I were half done, with our first tumbler of whisky- toddy — and we were pretty good hands at discussing that description of liquor — he had his drained ofi", and the bottle again seized, with the view of replenishing his tumbler. Nor did the respected licentiate, while thus administering to his own spirituous comforts, neglect us, his entertainers, in regard to our spiritual interests. For all the time — notwith- standing the double duty his gullet had to perform, as a conveyance for his words upwards, and his drink down- wards, a process that caused his hand, grasping his tumbler, to rise and fall betwixt the table and his mouth, in successive and regular oscillations, like those of a steam-engine — he con- tinued to address us, in words of wisdom and goodly advice, and that, too, with a volubility, which did not allow us to put in a word edgeways, even had we been so disposed. " Ah ! my dear young friends," he went on to say, " ye are twa inexperienced lads, not up to the ways of the world, and simple like sheep — I micht say lambs, considering your 262 THE BEGGARS BENISON. gentleness and tender years — to gang astray (sip, sip, at the toddy). Oh! tak' advice from one that has nothing but your good at heart, and be mindful to walk in the straight path which leadeth not to temptation (sip) but guideth to blissful- ness (sip). Oh! be sure, dear youths, to read your Bible, and neglect not your 'carritch' — as my dear mither, plain honest woman that she is, expresses it — meaning thereby the longer and shorter catechism, in which is laid down the whole duty of man, as well as the Confession of Faith (sip, sip). Be most attentive to your devotions, night and morning, and keep free from vice of every description. Above everything, keep free from the vice of drunkenness (sip, sip, sip) ; for dninkenness (sip) is the root of all evil, and when the drink is in, the brains are out, thereby leading to destruction (sip). Oh I then, my dear brethren, resist the devil and he will flee from you. Keep him at arm's length ! — aye at stick length I — and if ye carry a ci-utch, even at the length o' that ! (sip). My dear young friend. Throstle, I address you in particular, for I am now about to propose a toast. But first hand me the bosky whittle — that is, the whisky bottle. I declare I am speaking thick, but that's on account of my great interest in your welfare. Ha'e ye ony sneeshin' in the house ; a pinch will revive me ] Aye, as I was saying (thank you for the box) I have a toast to propose — but first rax me the sugar and the hot water — (thank you) and that is the health of our worthy young friend who is about to proceed on a foreign voyage, and al- most to another world (ugh I a-hoo ! — ugh ! a-hoo I I declare the snufi^s strong), as I may say. Oh 1 may he be a missionary to the hea- then ; may he enlighten the darkness of these super- stitious places (sip, sip) ; may he be an example and an adviser to the inhabi- tants — above all, may he be successful in his adventure ; may he be fortunate — that is mak' a fortune, and return to us in THE BEGGARS BENISON. 263 the midst of wealth and independence, under which circum- stances he will be welcome to us, and for whom, though not a prodigal, we will kill the fatted calf, and receive him into our arms again!" The worthy Xahum, here, at last made a pause, not from any exhaustion of the subject — for on that, or indeed any other, he could have gone on to doomsday — but because he wished to do justice to the toast, with a larger swig than he had been indulging in, and which enabled him to finish his second tumbler, which he did, clean oflf-hand, holding the glass, mouth downwards, to show that he had duly honoured the toast This hiatus — as it may be called — Tom took advantage of; for, springing to his feet, he called for three-times-three, in which our reverend guest so willingly joined, with a double -shotted hip, hip, hurrah ! " that roof and rafter a' did dirl." Nor did Tom stop there; for, after I had modestly replied to the toast, he pro- posed, in a speech which, no doubt, he considered very eloquent and to the point, that of Nahum him- self, and subsequently that of his excellent mother, finish- ing off with a request that Mr. Gusset would show his further talents, in music, as he had done in eloquence, by favouring us with a song. This the reverend gentleman protested against, as he said he never opened his mouth in tune, excepting that of psalmody, begging us, at the same time, to consider his profession, which called upon him to be very sober, in conduct. He added, however, that he approved of laymen indulging in that way if they felt so inclined Still, as he did not wish to mar our enjoyment (the toddy being so excellent, and he at his third tumbler), he would, if we would allow him, give us a few illustrations of pulpit eloquence, as practised by several divines of the Kirk 264 THE beggar's benison. of Scotland, whom he considered as models to their reverend brethren. Nahum here commenced, instead of what we had feared would have been, a dull and morose affair, what turned out to be a treat of the highest degi'ee, being nothing less than a most amusing and ridiculous imitation, or rather mimicry, of almost every Presbyterian clergyman pei^taining to the locality, in which not only their nasal twangs, their sing- song drawlings, their stutterings, their wailiugs, and their whinings, but their physical peculiarities, in the shape of twisted mouths, squinting eyes, and screwed noses, were so comically and humourously — and at the same time so gravely — demonstrated, that Tom and I roared with laughter. This put Nahum in wondrous good humour, and though it did not bring even a grin to his own austere countenance — not that he was devoid of mirth, for I thought I could hear a chuckle far down in his throat — but that he had a won- derful command over his features — it disposed him for any amount of jollity, consistent with his own views of what was proper, in respect of which he brewed away at the toddy, till he was ahead of us in tumblers beyond numeration. In short, the three bottles of eleven over-proof, which had been laid in by Tom Throstle, were almost at low water level, and we, instead of Nahum, now speaking thick; for the reverend gentleman had seemingly sobered himself by his *' illustrations of pulpit eloquence." It was only seemingly though, as the sequel will show, for all of a sudden he declared he was both hungry and athirst, notwithstanding the supper he had eaten and the oceans of toddy he had imbibed, and thereon rising from his chair he stalked to the cupboard, from whence he retftrned with Tom's Dutch cheese, which he commenced to slice down and de- vour — not so much as ridding it of its crust — with an avidity that was fearful to behold — particularly by those interested in the cheese, — while washing the same down with the remaining bottle of ale of the half-dozen that had originally been laid in. This done, the reverend Nahum fortified all, by emptying the remaining bottoms of whisky into a large glass, and tossing the same off, while declaring that " good works are always accompanied by the spirit!" THE beggar's benison. 265 Natuin then arose, seemingly satisfied with the clearance he had made, to take his departure for the night, or rather morning, for it was now a few short hours " ayont the twal';" but before doing this, he wliistled a jig — whistling being, ia his opinion, allowable (excepting on Sundays), though not singing — and then, as if a sudden fancy had come over him, he danced " cur-cuddoch "* till the floor below us oscillated and shook. " Lastly, and to conclude," as he possibly would have said, in preaching one of his own sermons, he gave us a prayer, the object thereof being to implore a blessing on me in the voyage I was about to take, but which might have passed as a continuation of the pulpit eloquence he had favoured us with in the other portion of the evening. This done, the worthy gentleman slipped off to his own crib, leaving Tom and me to follow his example. • Note E.— Cur-cuddoch. Su Appendix. CHAPTER XXIX. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Farewell, old Clyde!— 'midst storm and spray, Thy bosom bears me to the Main ; — Full many a year shall pass away, Ere I behold thy shores again. My course lies to a foreign clime, My prow points to a distant land ; Another round of silent time, And I no more shall hail thy strand- Alas!— fair Clutha, we must part ; But while thy lingering hills I see. With brimming eyes, and aching heart, I sigh adieu, to them and thee! Tlie Ooosedtti)bs Poet. The next forenoon saw me on board. the steamer, accom- panied by Tom Throstle, bound for Greenock, from whence I was to embark for the coast of South America. I had taken a kindly farewell with Mrs* Gusset, but had not had the like pleasure with her son Nahum — the reverend gentleman, for reasons best kno^vn to himself, having failed to make his appearance that morning, at his usual early hour; and delicacy having forbidden, on my part, any par- ticular allusion to him, or the past evening, or rather morning, I was only enabled to leave him my compliments and friendly regards. As the steamer, after collecting her passengers on board, threw off her mooring ropes, and commenced to patter down the river, I could not but feel something like melancholy THE beggar's bexisox. 267 feelings steal over me. I was now leaving a locality in which, young as I was, I had witnessed most eventful scenes, that could not fail to attach themselves to my mind dming my future career, in an oppressing and controlling shape, under whatever circumstances I might be placed. Therefore, it was no wonder, if I felt thoughtful and subdued. The gi^ay city, with its usual overcast atmosphere of smoke and vapour, was soon out of my sight ; but still the very banks of the river had reminiscences for me. On these I had rambled midst sunshine and stoim, while engaged with rude tackle in fishing for eels and flounders; or perhaps in bathing and swimming, the latter being an accomplishment for which Glasgow chaps are particularly famed, beyond those of any other locality within the realm, with the exception perhaps of Paisley. But even farther down, the hills and dales — or rather as they might be denominated, the incipient Highland moun- tains and valleys of Clydesdale — claimed me as a departing acquaintance: for often, although not particularly mentioned in what has been written, I had wandered to these — something like a juvenile tramp — in search of novelty and excitement, not to mention eleemosynaiy contributions that are so dear to the little beggarly urchins of the Goosedubbs and Brig- gate, and which are so generously supplied by the farmei-s and cotters of that hospitable locality to such way-farers, in the shape of milk, slices of " kebbucks," and " farles" of oatmeal cake, I believe with the spirit of real charity and benevolence. Such circumstances could not fail to have endeared these scenes to me, and, therefore, it may not be wondered at, if long after I had parted with my only friend Tom Throstle, at Greenock, and the good ship in which I had embarked at that port, and in which I was now fast speeding to the ocean, had gained the embouchure that led to the Channel, I should have looked back in sorrow, sadness, and sentimen- tality, while feeling what has been expressed for me, so much better than I could have done it myself, by the respected bard of the Goosedubbs, as a preface to this chapter. A steady, though stormy north-west breeze, led us safely down St. George's Channel, and thereby prepared me, and one or two other passengers, who went in the same ship, for 268 THE BEGGARS BENISON. an introduction to the great Ocean, " with its blue above, and its blue beneath," and, in consequence, the usual preliminary state of sea sickness which generally attends landsmen, particularly on their first voyages, was shortly got over, so that by the time we reached the warm latitudes, I might say I had become habituated to a sea life, and justified in con- sidering myself a "bit of sailor." My voyage, therefore, while not a speedy one — for at that time, vessels, unlike those of the present era, were built bluff and strong, so as to carry, without reference to fleetness — was pleasant and monotonous enough, relieved though it was, by a persevering use of the captain's spy-glass; and, after all the usual vicissitudes pertaining to such — in the shape of calms, squalls, and favourable tacks of weather, varied by an occasional tornado, not to speak of sharks, dolphins, albatrosses, and flying-fish, making their appear- ance — had been got over, I reached my destination in the best of health and spirits, and was welcomed, on arrival, by the managing partner of Gunter, Slide, & Company's house, who duly installed me into office, and where I immediately com- menced my duties. It is not my intention to be very particular in mention- ing the incidents connected with what now became my daily course of life, and for this simple reason, tliat really there were few worth recording. I had come to this part of the globe — the name of which THE beggar's bexison. 269 it is not even necessaiy that I should clivulge — for a specific purpose, namely, that of caiTying out a mercantile engage- ment with men who had hired me for the job, as they would a post-horse at home, and who were prepared, when they had done with me, to have done with me, and to do better with others, in a fresh contract, if they could; while I, on the other hand, was likewise bent on looking a-head for myself, without reference to them, beyond "what was in the bond!" Had I died, no doubt there might have been a strained sorrow expressed by the i)artner here, whose duty it would have been to have " advised" the circumstance to the house at home, in the shape of an usual business letter, duly copied into the letter-book, and sealed for the nonce with a black wafer instead of an ordinary red one, probably to this efiect : — " Messrs. Gunter, Slide, & Company, — Dear Sirs, — Annexed we send you duplicate of our last, ex. Snuffler, dated so and so. And we have now the melancholy duty of intimating to you, the death of Mr. So-and-So, our Store Department Clerk, whom you sent out by the Rover last fall. He had been ailing for some time, as we duly reported in former advices, but was properly attended to by the medical adviser of the house, and likewise by Dr. So-and- So, called in specially (whose charge being special will be defrayed by funds left by the deceased), notwithstanding which, he never rallied, and died on such and such a day, and at such and such an hour. Please mention these circum- stances to deceased's friends, and that there are at his credit so many dollars, so many cents, after paying all charges, which may be disbursed to them, at the usual current rate of Exchange, which is low, in consequence of the unusually extensive shipments of hides and produce for Europe, but which promises soon to rise again, the market for such, and other produce being less animated, as you may observe by the enclosed price current, &c., &c., ting him. "It's the old story over again, and it will not explain an absence of so many long years ! " " Hear me, my son! " he chokingly appealed, " and I will convince you " " Call me not son!" I haughtily cried, "for the time is now too late for that ! As I have already said, I want no explanation, and will allow none! One, question, however, I will ask you ; and let your answer be brief, and to the point : — Have you come fi'om home now 1 " " From home ! — God bless you !" answered the old tar, " I have not seen home since last I parted with you off Greenock. Indeed having found my way to this port, and learned, by the merest chance, that you resided here, I came to ask you regarding home, and of the dear ones I left there, and whom I hope yet to press to my heart — unless," and he added this with a sigh from the depth of his bosom — " they are also changed, and care not again to see poor old Jack ! " *'Give up the idea of going home!" I said, "for I will prove that it is better you should do so. And if you will stay here, or rather where I will point out you should stay, you will be provided for much better, and more com- fortable than ever you can be at home!" This improvised idea, however, of giving the old man pro- vision in "an asylum for humble relations," did not meet his approval, however it might have suited me, for he in- stantly rejoined, "Give up the idea of returning home*? Never! — Why," he continued, "it has been the thought of 276 THE beggar's benison. my soul, the pole-star of my hopes, the apple of my eye, the oply thing that has bound me to earth, and kept life from oozing out of this shattered old hulk, while hauled down with disease, and wounds, and confined and starved amongst barbarians, for, although you will not permit me to explain, for your satisfaction, how I have been so long detained from home, I think I can do so to them, for theirs, and simply thus : — ^The vessel in which I, along with my only surviving messmate, obtained refuge from our own water-logged ship, was subsequently captured off the coast of Barbary by a piratical craft, the captain of which landed, and sold us and our rescuers into slavery in that country, to the interior of which we were conveyed, and where my messmate, as well as many of the other ship's crew died. Indeed, I expected to have died there also; and doubtless such would have been the case, but for the provisions consequent upon the con- quest of Algiers, that were stipulated for, in the interests of humanity, and which only came lately to be extended to the distant portion of the empire where I was confined, and by means of which I got free. On getting to the coast again, however, I could only find a vessel bound for the Antartic end of the globe ; but at last I have found my way here, I hope now with a fair chance of getting home, and which I earnestly desire. No!" he went on to say, " I am bound for home — thank God, with still a shot in the locker — and if I cannot, when I get there, work for my poor old woman, and dear little Sissy, whom I yearn to see, and whose innocent prattle yet sounds in my ears, why, I will beg for them ! There is yet enough of humanity in the world to bestow a copper on a worn out old salt, and it will not leave them and me to starve, after learning what we have come through 1" The old man, had he intended it, could not have hit on a subject that was more severe to my feelings, than what was conveyed in his concluding sentence. It was the very kernel of the nut. The climacteric of the drama. The summing up of the debate, that had been going on in the selfish core of my soul for years, and, therefore, I felt a deter- mination — that no sense of prudence, or fear of conse- quences on my part could resist— to avert if not by lenient, certainly by severe measures, what I dreaded above every- THE BEGGAK S BENISON. 277 thing, namely, a chance even of any circumstance that might interfere with my future grandeur, being nurtured in the very spot where I aimed at bursting foi-th, in full bloom, as a merchant prince on some future day. I, accordingly, made a revelation to the old sailor that I expected would have the effect of putting him off his project I told him all about my mother's disgraceful connection, during his first absence, with the man that had been hanged along with Barney, while insinuating, at the same time, my own gratuitous ideas as to Sissy's real parentage, and how he had been deceived and imposed upon ! The old man, as I expected would be the case, was per- fectly appalled with my com- munication. He stasj^ered backwards, and di-opping upon the bench which lined the wall, he bent himself nearly double, with the palms of his hands pressed to his forehead, and there remained, now seem- ingly unconscious to every- thing around him; whilst I, satisfied with my performance, so far as it had gone, coolly walked out of the apartment — locking the door beliind me — thus lea\Tng him to re- alise in his mind, and digest as he best could, the facts I had communicated! I then entered my business room, and was soon absorbed with my usual duties, as coolly as though I had been treating with an ordinary trader regarding the price of goods, instead of with a parent, on what might bear direct, not only on the existence, but the future state, of the members of a whole family. Of course, this is perhaps not a very pleasant portion of my narrative, but still it is necessary that I should indite it, praying, at the same time, the "gentle reader" to bear with me, while promising that it may yet be shown that "verily such tilings have their reward!" After giving the old man about half an hour to compose 278 THE beggar's bentson. himself, I returned to liim, and with some sort of relief found him sitting np, and not lying in an apoplectic fit as my iiincy suggested might have even been the case, when lie told me he was so discomposed and perplexed by what I had communicated to him, that he could not even speak to me on the subject we had been engaged in. He, therefore, proposed to return, in the meantime, to a ship which was loading in the bay, and in which he had engaged to act as a hand for the run home, but that, if possible, he would return and see me next day, at the same hour and place. I accordingly let him go, after offering him refreshments which he refused, while I engaged my ideas in thought, as to how T might manage him, should he still remain a recusant on the morrow. I, however, never got the chance of treating him in that way, for when the morrow came, I found, lying on my desk, a bedaubed note from him, sealed with something like pitch, and smelling grievously of tar, while it was written and composed in the usual illiterate style of a sailor. It served its purpose, nevertheless ; as it conveyed to me the information that the captain of his ship, having accom- plished his loading, in order to keep his sailors together, had got his pilot on board, and was determined to sail with the morning's land-breeze. That he would, therefore, not see me again, but sent his blessing, with an assurance that he had told no one in the place, nor on board of the ship, regarding our relationship ; therefore, I need fear no damage from him! That, notwithstanding what I had told him concerning his wife and Sissy, he still could not help going to see them again, and taking them to his bosom; and that he hoped a kind Providence would forgive them all their sins, and his own in particular, for being so long away from them, but which he could have accounted for to my satisfaction, had I allowed him to do so. On receiving this note, I was rather taken aback. It checkmated my schemes, and I felt mortified in consequence. I indulged in a hope, however, that the vessel, as the weather was comparatively calm, might still not have got far away, and be boardable, by means of a boat. I accordingly hurried down to the beach of the ocean, which lay a little beyond the bar of the harbour, and, on con- THE BEGGAR S BENISOX 279 suiting a black pilot, whom I met by chance, as to the where- abouts of the vessel, and the possibility of doing what I wished, he pointed to a speck on the homon. It was the loftiest sail of the ship that contained poor old Jack, fast vanishing over the curve of the globe, and, ere I left the spot, it had disappeared, and, with it, him — whom I had used so unnaturally and so scurvily — for ever ! CHAPTEPv XXX. INTRODUCTORY DOGGERELS. Oh, wealth ! — we bend the knee to thee, And worship at thy shrine; To us, thou art no fleeting myth, But ever art divine ! Thy favourites we love, and laud With many a warai encomium; And to be likewise of the squad, We'd go to Pandemonium t The Goosedubbs Poet. To business ! — To business ! — That is now the modem cry, even as "To arms! — To arms!" used to be the ancient one, when Fortune was about to be fought for. Indeed, we might well adopt Horace's distich as tlie motto of our com- mercial escutcheon: — ^^ Qucerenda pecunia primum, virtus post nummos!" which is so well translated in the comedy: — " Let us make money — honestly if we can — but by all means let us make money ! '"' Yes! — in the making of money, I was now completely absorbed, and if for the benefit of others principally, who held my services by right of covenant, I had, at all events, this consolation, that I was daily learning business secrets, and gaining commercial experience, which I felt assured would one day reward my own self Such attainments, I had seUvSe enough to see, formed the backbone of business success, and accounted for the circum- stance of so many old, or, as they might be called, "aristo- cratic" houses, going to the wall, in consequence of the THE beggar's benisox. 281 ruinous competition they became subject to, by the estab- lishment of new houses by their former employes, whose real practical knowledge made up for want of capital, on which alone the strength of the " old houses" depended, and who, thereby, like senile Samsons, came to be shorn of their locks, by the Delilahs whom they had fostered in their bosoms ! Accordingly, with my nose buried in the journal and ledger, which formed my Prayer-Book and Bible, in the torrid and unholy atmosphere of South America, I soon calmed my conscience, although occasionally feeling a twitch with regard to my conduct towards my poor old progenitor, who had so unexpectedly and mysteriously appeared to, and disappeared from me, while half hoping that he would never arrive at home in life, or if he did, that he would be more considerate there, in regard to me, than I had been here, in regard to him, and moderate his revenge — in other words, ignore me as I would ignore him — in reward for which, I yet might do something for him, and those towards whom he seemed determiued to act so kindly and faithfully, notwith- standing what I had revealed respecting them. "He and they," I said to myself, "shan't want money, should they ever come across my path, but still that money must secure me against any claim of relationship on his, and their parts;" and so I went on selfishly scheming, and castle-building. It was in such mood, and with such speculations in my mind, that I passed a great number of years in the employ- ment of Gunt«r, Slide, and Company, having renewed my engagement with them, from period to period, far beyond what I had at first intended, partly in consequence of very handsome augmentations of salary which I received from them, and pai-tly from a hesitation I felt to return to my native city, before the "coast was clear," in the way I wished. That period, however, did arrive, or at all events, I judged so, when, what with the savings of my salary, the few successful private speculations I had made on my own account, and a handsome gratuity I received from the firm, in virtue of a promise that such should be the case if I conducted myself to their satisfaction — and which, from the circumstance, it appears I did — I had amassed the 282 THE beggar's benison. comfortable sum of two thousand three hundred and sixty- eight pounds. The greater part of this amount lay in London, in the hands of a respectable firm named Pull & Hawl, to whom, as agents, I had been recommended, and whom I had intrusted with several small consignments of produce, which had all turned out successful. I now made arrangements with a young man, whom I had been acquainted, and in close friendship with, during the better portion of my sojourn at this place, for the formation of a house, the business of which was to be conducted much in the same style as that of Gunter, Slide, & Company. This young man I had every confidence in, for he liked the country, on account of its dryness and heat, he having found that these had cured a severe pectoral disease under which he laboured whilst in Europe; and he, therefore, was likely to stick to his post, and not get '' home-sick," a com- plaint which often did great havoc with foreign houses, whose partners and chief clerks, labouring under such, would insist on returning to their mother country when they should not have done so, leaving their businesses to take care of themselves. He was honest likewise, and not over ambitious, being an Englishman, who — unlike the generality of Scotsmen that are ever looking to future personal aggrandisement — was likely to remain contented under my g-uidance and orders, so long as he was fairly used. Him I bargained with, to take the management of the new house out here, receiving two-fifths of the profits, while I was to receive three, in consideration of the superior con- nections and influences I had, or was supposed to have, at home; the orders I had in my power to transmit; and the capital I would invest, as well as the financial resources I would undertake to provide. At the same time, it was covenanted that while he waste be engaged in no other business or avocation, I was to be unbound, and free to do as I liked, an arrangement which the simple Englishman passively assented to. Having settled these preliminaries, I shipped to London, by way of " handselling " the new concern, a cargo of hides and other produce, consigning the same to Pull (k Hawl, THE BEGGAE S BEXISOX. 283 to whom I "wrote that I would visit tliem personally in good time; while requesting that, in the meantime, they would do the best they could for our interest, with what was consigned, not only as regarded sales, but as regarded the return ship- ments that were to be bought with the proceeds thereof, as "^;er dii'ections," &c., &c. I then accepted a public entertainment from the European residents of the place, at which the managing partner of Gunter, Slide, & Company presided; and, after hear- ing my business character eulogised, and my private virtues belauded, to which — with hand pressed ar- dently to my heart, of course — I modestly re- plied, I took shipping, not directly for England, but by the seaboard for the Republican States, all the principal commercial I" ports of which I visited, ^ . . while making the acquain- tanceship of certain firms there, with a view to future trans- actions of a reciprocally beneficial nature. Tliis done — finding a ship convenient for the purpose, that had casually touched atone of these ports — I stretched across the Atlantic, calling at the Cape of Good Hope, Singapore, Madras, and so on to Calcutta, with like business arrange- ments, all of which I negociated much to my satisfaction. I found this method of personally becoming acquainted with the places which I intended subsequently to send goods to, and the parties whom they were to be consigned to, an excellent one, although attended with no small amount of exertion, and even risk, but which my activity, youth, and good health, enabled me to contend valiantly with; for it made me understand the nature and habits of the natives of the several localities, who, of course, were to become the consumers of these goods, and thereby furnished me with great advantages over my rivals in the same line of business. 284 THE beggar's benison. From Calcutta, I took the route homewards — that is for Britain — via Bombay, intending to be at that port but a short time, it being my purpose to go from thence, by the Red Sea, or overland passage, which had then but lately been made available, through the indomitable perseverance of Lieutenant Waghorn, but who, like other pioneers of great national undertakings, is now forgotten, while those, who perhaps sneered at his efforts, are enjoying the fi-uits of his zeal and courage. At Bombay, however, I received what may be called, in pugilistic verbiage, "a stomacher." On taking up a London " Price Current," I found to my dismay, that in that city all South American produce, and particularly hides, which formed the greater portion of the cargo I had bought for shipment, previously to leaving, were quoted at ruinous prices, while the state of the money market was such, that no prospect was held out of an improvement. This was a heavy blow, and great discouragement to me; for, on making a calculation, I found that if Pull & Hawl should sell — and it was more than likely they would do so, the vessel being due about that time, and the bills to be met, heavy — instead of becoming a gainer, I would be so great a loser that I might consider myself ruined! At the same time, I had the double mortification of learning, like- wise, by accompanying advices, that the goods I had suggested to Pull & Hawl, as the best for forming a return shipment — to be bought with the proceeds of the hides — were at very low quotations, and, therefore, could not have failed, from circumstances connected with the demand for such in South America, which I was aware of, to have left a very handsome profit, if gone into, but which, of course, could not be the case, when a ruinous loss, instead of a profit, would more than likely result from the unfortunate hide speculation. This threw me completely on my beam ends, and, in con- sequence, I could neither eat, drink, nor sleep, notwithstand- ing the hospitable attentions I received at the hands of a friend to whom I had a letter of introduction, and at whose establishment I staid. My distress of mind was very great indeed, and aggravated by the fearful heat of the climate, I was thrown into a THE BEGGAR S BENISON. 285 fever, which confined me to my bed for a couple of weeks, during which time I sufifered pains — mental pains — that, till then, I had been a stranger to. I was, in fact, in a mone- tary fever, the severest type of that description of disease which possibly can be suffered, and I believe I would have died under it, had I not placed confidence in a greater power than that of the doctor who was going about me — namely, in my good luck, which I could not bring myself to think would yet desert me. Nor did it desert me; for, one day, having received a file of British commercial papers which had arrived by a supple- mental mail, just in, and which had been kindly sent from the office by my friend for my especial amusement, I was struck on perusing them, with an account of the wreck, on the Goodwin Sands, of the very vessel on board of which my cargo had been sliipped, and all of which had been lost — the very hides, as the article narrated, having been strewn along the English coast. The paragraph went on to tell that the greater portion of the unfortunate crew had likewise been lost! but this did not affect me so much as did the fate of the hides, to insure which fully, I had written to Pull & Hawl about three weeks before the ship left, by a fast sailing packet, and again in duplicate, by another vessel. Of course, if Pull & Hawl had received these letters in proper time, they could not have failed to insure the hides, 286 THE beggar's benison. according to my instructions, to the fullest extent of their value; and, as I knew them to be most excellent men of business, and people who considered the simplest request of their constituents a law, I looked upon the hides as sold, though not in the way I had primarily anticipated, and well sold too! There was a chance, to be sure, that these letters might not have arrived in time; but still it was only a chance, and though the circumstance made me anxious, I felt great relief in the news I had acquired, and which had such an effect on my health that I was enabled to get up, assume my clothes, and enter into a calculation as to the speed of the vessel which had been wrecked, as against that of those by which I had sent letters of advice, in regard to insurance. Had this calculation been against me, of course I would have taken to my bed again, and there is no saying what then might have happened. The matter, however, was cut short, and that pleasantly; for, in the afternoon, my fnend arrived from his office in town (his dAvelling-house where I sojourned, being some miles distant, for the sake of coolness), bringing me a letter from Pull & Hawl, which had come by the same mail, but which from some mischance, had got amongst the other letters to the firm, and had thei-e))y been overlooked in the morning, so that it was not sent along with the newspapers. It had been written hurriedly, and at the veiy last moment, to save the mail — indeed the extra charge for being late had been paid — and was as brief as a doctor's prescription, though unlike the most of these, perfectly effective for the cure of my complaint. It was as follow^s : — " Advices ^:)er So-and-So received, insurance effected, cover- ing full invoice amount. Hides farther down ; cotton look- ing up." "Alas!" I exclaimed to my friend, as I folded tlie letter and put it into my pocket witli an air of perfect resignation, " I feel sorry for the poor crew that have been lost!" But, notwithstanding my sorrow, I made a remarkably good dinner, having had no " tillin," nor, indeed, had I partaken of much nourishment since I was first laid up. I never re- lished curry so much before, washed down as it was witli iced champaigne, and a bottle of cool claret afterwards, THE beggar's BEXISOy. 287 as we lolled, in light linen dresses, in consequence of tlie gi-eat heat that prevailed, and to this day I therefore repeat the prescription, with grateful recollection of Bombay, as often as I have a chance. The last three words of Pull & Hawl's despatch were not lost on my hospitable friend, who was a thoroughly mercantile man. "Cotton looking up," he said, "that agrees vrith our advices; — what would you say to a hundred bales of Surats? — quotations are extremely quiet here, fi-eights low, and exchange on London highly favourable!" •'A hundred bales!"' I returned. "My dear Sir, make it three hundred if you like, so as to help your commission, in return for your great kindness to me ! " My ftiend made a polite bow as I said this ; but being a gentleman, at the same time that he was a mercantile man, he did not come the auctioneer over me — as many a keen fel- low would undoubtedly have done, under like cii'cumstances — and sucjgest six hundi'ed bales instead of three, a circum- stance which I often afterwards regi'etted exceedingly, I having been in the humour to accede to the proposition, had he made it; for these three hundred bales left each a profit of five pounds, which, in the aggregate amounted to fifteen hundred pounds, and had there been six hundred bales it would thereby have been double that. However, my friend ordered another bottle of iced claret, and we spent a very happy afternoon, talking of business, and projecting many schemes and plans for my shipping large consignments of goods to Bombay, after my arrival in England, and his returning the proceeds thereof in the shape of cotton, and other descriptions of Indian pro- duce, and which speculations we proposed to be guided in — so that there might be little comparative risk therewith — by a new system of acquiring ad^'ices, on the principle of expresses, which the overland route alone admitted of, and which few commercial houses were yet ujd to. We likewise talked over the lucky circumstances connected with my hide adventure, although I took care to be reticent in regard to certain particulai-s bearing thereon, which, if I had revealed, might have led my ftiend to su.spect my piiidence, if not my credit. Altogether, our colloquy was most satisfactoiy, winding up, as it did, one of the most exciting and eventful 288 THE BEGGAE's BENISON. days of my commercial life; this singular result having accrued therefrom, that next day I was perfectly well, my health recruited, and my strength restored, so that I was enabled, in the course of a week or so, to take my passage in the branch steamer for the Red Sea, and so home- wards for England, via Egypt and the Mediterranean, to London, where I arrived in the best of health and spirits, after a remarkably rapid and pleasant passage. APPENDIX TO VOL. 1. A.— The Goosedubbs of Glasgow, p. 6. ^^ The Goosedubbs" of Glasgow, as tbat part of tbe City i:sed ;o be deuominated : tlie "ecoming a deterrent of crime, denies that there is anything described therein, beyond what repeatedly has taken place at such scenes, both in bygone and modern times, as the following facts, all didy authenti- cated, by references to the authorities from which they are taken, will perhaps prove. 292 APPENDIX. Iq a Work called " Glasgow, Past and Present," i)ublisbed in two vols., by James M'Nab, in 1851; at page 54 of volume second, the following paragraph occurs : — "On the 15th September, 17G9, the Circuit Court at Glasgow was opened by Lords Auchinleck aud Pitfour, when Andrew Marshall, late in Blacklock, parish' of Slamannan, a soldier in the 38th Regi- ment, was tried for the murder and robbery of Allan Robert, of the before-mentioned parish, on the .31st of July, 1769, near the house of Drumpellar. The jury unanimously found him guilty of both crimes; and the court sentenced him to be fed on bread and water till the 25th of October, and on that day to be hanged, and his body hung in chains. It is stated in the Gkm/oiv Herald, that until the execution of Andrew Marshall, the magistrates of Glasgow were never troubled with overseeing the execution of any criminal sentence whatever; that duty, when the convictions were before the Circuit Court, being imposed on the Sheriif of the county; Marshall's execution, therefore, was the first occas^iou of the magistrates of Glasgow having so dis- agreeable a charge forced upon them. Whether it arose from a feeling of humanity towards the criminal, or from inexperience in such matters on the part of the magistrates, it so happened that the arms of Andrew Marshall had not been sufficiently pinioned on the day of execution, in consequence of which he had the free use of them. When the procession (such as I have described) had arrived at the Howgate-head, the hangman proceeded as usual, to adjust the rope about the criminal's neck, and had drawn the caj) over his face; and the carter, waiting for the signal, had already raised his whip to give the fatal lash to the horse, when Andrew Marshall made a sudden spring upwards, aud seized the projecting beam of the gallows with the grasp of death. The hangman laid hold of his legs and endeavoured to pull him down; but it was in vain. After fruit- less attempts to make him quit his hold, the hangman was obliged to prociire a stick, with which he struck and l^elaboured the poor man's arms and hands until they became disabled and no longer capable of supporting him; when he dropped from the beam, and in this manner was executed. There is no wonder, therefore (as noticed in the Glasgoio Herald), that the magistrates of Glasgow, after witnessing such an appalling exhibition, petitioned to be relieved in future from the irksome duty of overseeing the execution of criminal sentences. Agreeable to his sentence, the body of Andrew Marshall was hung in chains at the Howgate-head. This is the only instance on record of a criminal executed in Glasgow being hung in chains; but so offensive was the sight to the inhabitants of the north quarter, that putrefaction had scarcely commenced when the body was clan- destinely removed. " The following is taken from the Liverpool Albion of 9th April, I860:— Scenes at an Execution.— Mr. J. H. Carter, of Bradford, writing of the execution of Joseph Castles, on Saturday week, says: — "The APPE^DIx. 293 melancholy procession made its appearance a few minutes before twelve o'clock, and the culprit appeared to ascend the drop with a firm step, but his face expressed great agitation. He looked up and placed himself beneath the beam ; the executioner proceeded to j)lace the rope round his neck, draw the cap over his face, and tie his legs; a moment of breathless suspense ensued, and the bolt was withdrawn ; but, to the astonishment of every one, the drop remained fixed. Calcraft immediately stamped upon the drop to put it off, but it still remained firm. He then went to another part and did the same, but with no more effect; a third time it was stamped upon, but still it did not fall. The executioner and officials seemed greatly agitated, but what must have been the feelings of the poor unfortunate being no tongue can describe. The spectators seemed horror-struck, and an angry murmur began to be cUstinctly heard from all parts of the vast concourse. At this jimcture Calcraft ajDi^roached the prisoner and spoke to him; he again left him, and at last, by the united exertions of the executioner and his officials, the drop fell, and the indescribable torture which the delay must have occasioned the poor culprit was brought to a close. The scenes which took place after- wards were quite in character with what is always the result of a pubHc execution. As usual, the people made a holiday of it : men were rolling about the streets in all parts of the town; drunkenness, quarrelling, and fighting were the order of the day. One man was seriously injured and taken to the Infirmary; another lay in the street as if dead ; some were taken to the lock-up ; and others, more fortunate, escaped with black eyes and bloody noses. To crown all, a dancing booth was erected on the public market hill, and continued its performance up to half -past eight in the evening," The following is taken from a number of the Xat^l Mercury, published in 1862, which proves that the horrors of capital execu- tions extend even to the colonies : — "At Xatal two Kaffirs were to be executed. Early on the morning appointed, a large crowd of white and black spectators had gathered roimd the gallows, protected as it was by a military guard. The unhappy couple arrived perfectly indifferent to their fate, exhibiting the utmost insouciance and jocularity. On reaching the scaffold, the younger one l^egan in a Wvacious manner to evade, so far as he could, the designs of the executioner. The drop fell, when, to the horror of all around, the halter of the murderer snapt, and he fell heavily. The younger prisoner had managed to stride across the trap, and thus to avoid his doom, "We shall not describe the efforts which were now made by the hangman and an assistant to force the prisoner down the trap, nor the struggles which the latter made in order to escape his fate. Suffice it that, after several minutes had elapsed, the work of strangixlation was being accomplished. Nor shall we enter into the horrid details of other" s fate. Enough to say that again the rope broke, and again the unfortunate creature, amidst the groans of the crowd, underwent the fearful process, and on the third occasion, the 294 APPENDIX. attempt proved successful. It is a curious incident that the impres- sion left on the minds of the onlooking natives, and of the prisoner himself, was that having committed three murders, he was to be hanged three times. So strong a sensation has this occurrence excited, that we hope there is little likelihood that such a tragedy will be enacted for the third time, and that in future the proper appliances will be provided." In the Glasgow Herald of Friday, August 7th, 1863, the following is quoted from the Manchester Guardian: — Shocking Scene at an Execution. — On Tuesday morning, Charles M'Cormack was executed at Longford, for the murder of a young man named Beglan, at Drinan Bridge. On the withdrawal of the bolt, the wretched man fell heavily, and, the rope being too long, he dropped upon his knees. Pinioned and half stunned, he strove to rise to his feet. The attention of the executioner was directed to the circumstance, and the manner in which he mended his blunder rendered the spectacle even more terrible. The wretched man was winced up clear of the steps over which he was hanging, and there he was left suspended in fearful convulsions for fully three minutes, when death put an end to his sufferings. The following is taken from a number of the Manchester Examiner, published in January, 1865 : — Execution of the Spen Muedeeer — Horrible Scene on the Scaffold.— At eight o'clock on Thursday morning, Matthew Atkin- son, a pitman, who was condemned to death at the Durham spring assizes, was executed in front of Durham jail for the murder of his wife, Ellen Atkinson, on the 17th December, 1864, at the Spen, a colliery village near Wiulaton, in the county of Durham. Just before he was condemned to death he addressed the judge, Mr. Justice Mellor, and stated that he had had to bring his wife out of a house from another man on the morning of the murder. Upon this unsup- ported statement 11 of the jurymen sent a memorial to the judge recommending the convict to the merciful consideration of the Crown, on the ground that he appeared to have received considerable provocation ; but,- so far as we can learn, no reply to the memorial was received from the Home Othce. On Tuesday, Atkinson took leave of three of his sisters, his nephews, and some intimate friends. The scene was a most affecting one, the whole party being quite , overcome by emotion; and some time elapsed before the prisoner became sufficiently composed to speak to them. He had been most attentive to the spiritual ministrations of the chaplain since he was placed in the condemned cell, and seemed fully to realise the enormity of his crime. The time appointed for the execution was eight o'clock in the morning, and by six intending spectators came thronging into the city. The greater proportion of them were miners, many of APPE^^'DIX. 295 whom must have walked long distances, as was apparent by their travel stained appearance. Amongst the motley gathering were a considerable number of women, young girls, and boys, the females flaunting in the gaudy colours which characterise the holiday attire of the women of the mining population. A little after seven o'clock a large niunber of spectators had assembled -^-ithin the semicircular inclosure in front of the jail; but the attendance fell short of what had been witnessed on former occasions of the kind. About half- past seven, Askern, the executioner, appeared upon the scaffold, and proceeded to attach the rope to the cross beam. He gave it sufficient length for a fall of four feet, but, as if not satisfied with that, he shortly afterwards returned, and increased the fall by about half a foot more. As the fatal hour approached, the gossip and jest which had prevailed amongst the crowd ceased, and when the first toll of the prison bell smote the ear, all eyes were turned to the window eagerly awaiting the appearance of the criminal. As the prison clock struck eight, the under-sheriff, !Mr. W. Wooller, stepped upon the scaffold, closely followed by Atkinson, who looked perfectly cool and collected, but ashy jjale. He walked forward and placed him- self beneath the gallows. ^Tiile engaged in brief devotion with the chaplain, his utterance seemed to be affected by an irrepressible con- vulsive twitching of the hea^-y lower jaw, but this was the only sign of emotion perceptible. Just before Askern put on the cap and drev.- the noose around his neck, Atkinson cast a rapid glance upward and round, as if taking a last look at this earthly scene. The bolt was drawn and the drop fell; but, dreadful to relate, as the rope tight- ened with the weight of the miserable culprit, it snapped like a piece of packthread, and he fell with a thundering crash iuto the interior of the scaffold. The dreadful event was rendered more horrible stni by a hoarse and deafening cheer bursting from the throats of the spectators. The greatest excitement instantly prevailed. WTiat was passing within the grim scaffold no one -without could tell, and speculations were heard on all sides as to whether the fall had killed the wretched man, or, if not dead, whether the officials would pro- ceed to re-enact the ghastly tragedy there and then. An age seemed to have elapsed, when, at the expiration of twenty minutes, Askern settled all doubt as to what would be done under these unusual and frightfvd circimistauces by appearing on the scaffold with a piece of rope as thick again as that which had snapped. While attaching it to the beam he was sakited by a storm of groans and hisses, and loud cries of "0, you villain I" A minute or two afterwards, to the surprise of everyone, the murderer stepped unsupported ujjon the scaffold, his paUid features having assimied a purplish tinge, and his neck being circled l)y a dark red mark, showing what a terrible wrench the rope had given him. Askern put the noose around his neck, and put forth so much strength in drawing it tight as to draw down upon him another storm of hoots and groans. Owing to the thickness and rigidity of the rope, however, he failed to draw it close, and the consequence was that, when the drop fell, the unhappy criminal struggled frightfully for several seconds before the gallows did its horrible mission. 296 APPENDIX. The Northern Daily Expres.% commenting on the same subject, says : — The rope had broken near to Atkinson's neck, and it remained dangling from the beam in the air. People in the crowd fainted — women fell into men's arms ; some rnshed about yelling and screaming and tearing their hair. Many of the men were crying also; some were wild with fury; and for some time it seemed as if there were going to be a most serious disturbance. The police were on the alert. No one in the crowd knew what had been the fate of the unhappy man. Some expressed themselves in strong terms against the executioner. They said he had made the rope too long; the prisoner had to drop too far before the rope was tightened. Others said he should have tested the rope properly before. Some declared that they coidd not hang him after that, if he w^ere still alive, for the hand of Providence had interfered and saved him. Some thought he would be dead; others thought not. Some thought his neck M'ould have been disjointed by the awful jerk; others were of opinion that he would be killed by the fall, especially as he was helpless w^hen he fell — pinioned and blindfolded, and with a rope round his neck. The excitement further iuci-eased as one of the bailiffs came forward on the scaffold and i^eered down the hole through which the poor man had fallen. The suspense was frightful. With reference to the distance he would fall it is diificult to say, seeing the reporters had no means of getting any more information than that which they could pick up from observation standing in front of the jail and wdthin the barricade. We would suppose that the scaffold itself is about twenty feet in height. Inside there is, we believe, a platform about seven or eight feet from the upper surface of the scaffold. The bolt on which he stood M^onld be about three feet in height; so that he would, according to this, fall a distance of about ten or eleven feet. In about a quarter of an hour, the executioner again appeared on tlie scaffold, took down the old rope, and fastened up another in its place of nearly double its thickness. It w^as a great strong rojie, and was so very long, that he found it necessary ,.to put it round the beam an unnecessary number of times. When Askeru was on the scaffold, he was hissed by the crowd, who shouted "Villain," '"Shame," " Miirder," "You're a villain." He was greatly excited at this time. His hands w^ere observed to shake very much as he was fastening up the rope. At twenty-five minutes past eight, the same procession again came upon the platform. Atkinson wallpd firm as before, even more so, if possible. He was pinioned as formerly. He looked round upon the crowd. He stared most wuldly. He stepped on the drop, the white caj) was agaiu put over his head, and the thick noose roiind his neck. The crowd hissed and groaned. Women fainted, and men rushed about crying wildly. Women shed tears and screamed. Farewell was again said to the unhapp5^ man, the bolt was drawn, and he dropped down. He swung round. He was seen to be in tremendous agony. A fierce struggle was going on. His chest was heaving dreadfully. He died in about five minutes. His head and shoulders were seen above the scaffold. No screen was APPEXDIX. 297 drawn round it. He was not allowed to drop so far the second time. We should have stated that when the executioner put the rope round his neck the second time, the crowd cried that he was choking the man. And we did see him pulling it very tight ^-ith his hands before the bolt was drawn. The body was allowed to hang until half -past nine, when it was cut down and conveyed by the warders into the prison. The horror, consternation, and disgust with which the breaking of the rope was received by the assembled crowd in front of the scaffold was fully testified in the shout which accompanied the disappearance of the imhappy culprit. The effect upon the officials in the grand jurj^ room, consisting of the uxider-sheriff, his two bailiffs, and the deputy-governor of the prison and chief warder, caused an equal amount of horror as that felt by the multitude. The first attention was directed to the position of the \inhappy man. Midway between the scaffold, a platform is constructed, upon which the drop, when it falls, rests. Upon this Atkinson was found, in a semi-unconscious state, in the attitude of prayer. In order to restore him, it was found necessary to take him into the air and give him some brandy. From this place, after coming roimd, he was able to walk into an apartment near one of the courts. It is almost impossible for mere words to portray the state of affairs in the vicinity of the scaffold from which Atkinson had so suddenly been precipitated at this period. During the dreadful interval which pre- ceded his being launched into eternity, and whilst waiting for the necessary preparations being made to consummate the closing scene of his life, the mental anxiety which the poor fellow it may be imagined, endured, was alleviated by the spiritual consolations of the rev. chaplain. For upwards of 20 minutes, alone the doomed man and minister engaged in prayer most earnest and most impressive, in which he appeared to join with much fervency. The general feeling in the city is that a most searching inqxiiry should be instituted into the cause of the rope breaking so inoppor- tunely, and exj)osing to the public gaze the spectacle of seeing a man undergo twice the horror of execution. For some years the rojies used at these disgusting exhibitions have been supplied by experienced rope makers in the town, of material sufficiently strong as to prevent an accident such as that which occurred on Thursday. On this occasion, it is stated that it was made of ordinary hemp within the prison by prisoners, for the purpose of saving an expenditure in the county funds. That the material was of an ordinary character was sufficiently apparent from the appearance of the rope at the place where it was broken, combined with the fact currently reported and generally believed, that on Wednesday afternoon, on the arrival of the hangman, the rope was tested, and a pressure of 3S stones placed upon it. It is due to the public that this should be made kiown, and also that at the last execution when the rope was made by a private individual the test put upon it was 60 stones without any perceptible effect. Even the rope which was substituted for the one broken had two of its strands snapped when the culprit was launched into eternity. 298 APPENDIX. After reading the foregoing accounts of the many horrifying scenes that have taken place at executions— and which are well known throughout the length and breadth of the land : for nothing is read with so much avidity as such paragraphs — it may surprise no one that great hesitation should be evinced on the part of juries to convict even miirderers of the most infamous description, unless the evidence be so clear that there is no other resource left. Nor may it be wondered at, if after conviction has taken place, that the Home Secretary should shrink from authorising executions to be carried out, particularly if well got up rejaresentatiocs are made to him, as in the cases of Dr. Smethurst, Jessy M'Lachlan, and Townley. Indeed, even in the case of that arch-murderer, Dr. Pritchard, it was feared that a commutation of punishment might have taken place. From such circumstances as these, it is inferred that executions are not deterrent; for no one is so up to the calculating of chances as the murderer, who, when he sees so many in his favour, is rather encouraged towards his crime, thereby, than otherwise. But it may be asked, if capital, that is "death" punishment, is to be abolished, what is to be substituted in its place, for the safety of the community ? The simple answer to that is: — Capital Punishment should not BE abolished! It is only Death Punishment, i.e., Physical Death Punishment — that should be abolished; and, in lieu, there should be ordained Moral Death Punishment, which easily and securely might be provided for, by something like the following clause, in the bill, that for the jjurpose, would be passed : — "/< is enacted that on and after the passing of this Act, it shall be lawful that, on any person having been found guilty of the crime of high treason, murder, or rape, the said person so convicted shall be sentenced to death in the usual manner, but in lieu of being executed on a gibbet, the said convict shall be immediately put in secure con- finement for life, in such place as Her Majesty's Secretary of State for the Home Department shall direct, and who alone shall be cognizant of the future existence of the said convict, under a number or cypher indicative of his former name. That from the period of said conviction, the convict, in the eye of the law, shall be considered, dead, and in consequence, if a married male, his wife shall be con- sidered a widow, and if a married female, her husband shall be considered a widower, in either case with all the. privileges and free- dom of widowhood or widowerhood, to the relict of the said convict, as if physical death with the said convict had taken place. That on APPENDIX. 299 the death of said convict his body shall be buried within the precincts of the prison in which he has been confined, without any announce- ment of his death being communicated to any one excepting Her Majesty's Secretary of State for the Home Department, under the number or cypher indicative of the said convict's former name; and that should any governor, warder, turnkey, or other official connected with any prison in which said convict has been confined, communicate any thing regarding the said convict that took place during his or her confinement, or as to his or her death, excepting to Her Majesty's Secretary of State for the Home Department, it shall be considered felony, and the person so offending shall be liable to punishment for such." It requires little stretch of the imagination to anticipate what would take place were such a law as the foregoing enacted. Juries then would not hesitate a moment to convict, even as in robbery and housebreaking cases. Secretaries of State would be impervious to petitions for pardon — indeed no such petitions would be presented — and Smethursts, M'Lachlans, Townleys, and Pritchards would in consequence, be at a discount. D. — CA^*DLEMAS Offerings, p. 105. Candlemas offerings, by the pupils attending a school, are a remnant of the old Catholic times, when the priests acted as parish schoolmas- ters. Such offerings are now alaaost obsolete, although they were maintained in all their glory, up to a period long after the beginning of the present century, and will be remembered by many who yet consider themselves young people. A Candlemas offering was a gratuitous gift from a pupil to his or her schoolmaster, presented on the second day of February, which is Candlemas day, and generally consisted of money, although in country places, many other commodities were often substituted, such as fowls, eggs, cheese, or other farm produce, but which were all welcome to the schoolmaster, whose means were greatly subsidised thereby. The boy and girl who contributed most on these occasions were always chosen respectively king and queen of the day, and after being crowned, were carried or marched throughout the locality, "the observed of all observers." 300 APPENDIX. It very often happened that great contention took place amongst the pupils for these honours, and stories are yet told how this lord's son, or that laird's daughter ran home to get from their fathers an additional guinea so as to gain the day; the worthy "dominie," in the interim, impartially holding his declaration, as to who was sovereign, in abeyance. After the presentation of the offerings, a feast was generally given in return by the dominie, of fruits, confectiouaries, and pastries ; but it is a fact, that strong drinks, as represented in the story, were in many instances introduced, with the bad efifects that might have been expected to follow. The author himself remembers of being at a school in Glasgow, where on two successive Candlemas occasions, the punch-bowl w^as introduced, and many of the young scholars, in consequence, were taken home from the school, drunk!— a pretty sight for their parents ! After the feast, different descriptions of amusement took place amongst the pupils, according to the whim or taste of the master, such as dancing, blind-man's-buff, or play-acting, and very often dog-fighting, or cock-fighting wound up the day. So much for the march of intellect in the "good old times 1 " E. — CUR-CUDDOCH, p. 265. To dance Cur-cuddoch is rather an effort, trying to the lower limbs, and is only practised by those of a spare formation of body, and who are not "fashed with fat." It consists of dancing in a loivered attitude — the dancer, as it were, sitting on his houghs, and hopping around, while his legs are shot out and in, in a comical and sprawling manner, but which requires much muscular exertion. Cur-cuddoch is seldom iudidged in, excepting when the performer is tempted thereto, by great exuberance of spirits : possibly created by great indulgence In spirits! GLASGOW : PRINTED BY ROBERT ANDERSON, 85 QUEEN STREET.