THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY From the Library of the Diocese of Springfield Protestant Episcopal Church Presented 1917 173 F82f UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY AT URBANA-CHAMPAIGN STACKS OAK ST. && Return this book on or before the Latest Date stamped below. University of Illinois Library ‘'• I* lr, r- / t/f on Hr HuH ^ ^ 1.161 — 1141 o fS- & & THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY Prom the Library of the Diocese of Springfield Protestant Episcopal Church Presented 1917 173 F82f UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY AT URBANA-CHAMPAJGN STACKS OAK ST. I THE FAMILY $n %\ttt ifllwmH. VOLUME I. MATRIMONY: OR, LOVE, SELECTION, COURTSHIP, AND MARRIED LIFE. VOLUME II. PARENTAGE: OE, A PERFECT PATERNITY, MATERNITY, SEXUALITY, AND INFANCY VOLUME III. CHILDREN AND HOME: AS EXPOUNDED BY PHYSIOLOGY AND PHRENOLOGY. By PROF. O. S. FOWLER, PRACTICAL PHRENOLOGIST, LECTURER, FORMER EDITOR “AMERICAN PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL,” AND AUTHOR OF “FOWLER’S PHRENOLOGY,” “PHYSIOLOGY,” “ SELF- CULTURE,” “ MEMORY,” “ LOVE AND PARENTAGE,” “ HEREDITARY DESCENT,” “MATERNITY,” “HOME FOR ALL,” ETC., ETC. The Family is the foundation of all governments ; the vestibule of all religions ; the instructor of all nations ; and the perpetuator and very heart’s core of humanity itself. — Preface. NEW YORK : O. S. FOWLER, PUBLISHER 1859. ADVERTISEMENT. Be it nereby known, that I, O. S. Fowler, alone assume the entire responsibility of the authorship and publication of these three volumes. All their faults are mine ; so are all their excellences. Of course, since “ many men have many minds,” they will be a “ divider among the people.” Yet I glory in necessary “ persecution for righteousness sake.” Let me “ expound nature,” and ask only “ What is truth ?” Let others help the “ bears” of conservatism keep “ all things as they were from the beginning,” but let me help the “ bulls” of progress lift my race out of that “ old-fogy” slough in which they have been mired for ages. I would elevate the massive “ millions.” Of me it has been said, “The common people’ read and “hear him gladly.” Not that I would not also im- prove patrician as well as plebeian, but only that I would proclaim Nature's eternal edicts , whoever “ will hear or forbear .” I would support the “ Excelsior ” flag, and “ strike for” the highest personal and human development, by teaching and inspiring all to study and follow Nature. She is infinitely sacred. Her requirements are G-od’s will. Allowed to choose my own name, and have it true, it would be, Nature's Apostle. Yet to investigate and obey her laws constitute my “ chief delight,” and to induce high and low, one and all to “ do likewise,” engross my whole being by night and day, alone and abroad, and to expound them, employ my tongue and pen, in study and lecture- room — always, everywhere. Thus saith God in Nature , is the pole-star of my pen, and desire to do good prompts earnest efforts to disseminate these natural truths. Will not a noble band of co-workers help on this, the heart's core of all human elevation— family improvement. Those who would possess or present either or all these volumes, or “ Religion,”* can have them mailed, prepaid , by remitting, in accordance with the fol- lowing table, to 0. S. FOWLER, New York. “ Matrimony,” or “ Religion.” 1 copy of either . . $1 00 3 copies do. . . . 2 50 8. copies do. . . . 5 Ol) Parentage,”* or “ Children and Home.’ * 1 copy of either... $0 75 3 copies do. . . . 2 00 10 copies of either All three vols., or “ The Family.” 1 copy 3 copies 7 copies “ The Family” and “ Religion.”* 1 copy. 6 copies No deviation. Per 25 copies of either or all, “ expressed,” half that by mail. $5 00 2 00 5 00 10 00 2 50 10 00 * To be revised in 1860. The remaining parts will be issued soon. Cdoi r 6^ PREFACE TO THE THREE BOOKS. Domestic felicity constitutes the great problem of the age. None is more important. None more discussed, or less understood. Nor is any desideratum as pressing as a thorough, reliable, scientific solution of this problem. This, these Books attempt. Their Author has heretofore published detached volumes on separate departments of this general theme, and attempted their revision, but found it difficult, without either imperfection or repeti- tion, because the same fundamental principles ramify throughout all the several departments of this great sub- ject. He has therefore chosen to make “ The Family” the great trunk-subject, and treat its several departments like limbs and roots branching out therefrom. And in their natural order. He claims both a scientific accuracy, and a system and thoroughness hitherto unattained. To treat any subject practically, it must first be treated philosophically ; for practicality not based in philosophy is empirical. Nor has he minced matters ; for mincing would spoil. Instead, he has chosen to walk right through his subject. He has adopted a style more elliptical than diffuse, more scientific than ornate, more direct than figurative ; and labored much more on his subject-matter than man- ner — aiming rather to present important truths in clear and familiar language, than to trifle with rhetorical flourishes. He indeed wishes he could have spared more time from his professional labors to perfect the authorship 601526 iv PREFACE TO THE THREE BOOKS. of these Books, but sends them forth as they are, and leaves his readers to talk or write them up or down, according to their own sovereign will and pleasure — asking, and with emphasis, these questions : Are these doctrines true ? Are they important? Are they calcu- lated to improve individuals and the race ? Let your own inherent convictions of truth and interior conscious- ness, and, above all, experience , answer. At all events, if they carry do the family of each reader a tithe of the happiness they have created in that of their Author, they will completely regenerate every family into which they go, and thereby incalculably promote human happiness, virtue, and progress, as well as fulfill their true mission and the highest wish of their Author. N. B. — Those small raised figures found throughout the text, called superiors, refer to those numbered head- ings of subjects found throughout the three Books; thus referring the reader to doctrines and ideas previously presented. Thereby saving all need of repetition, yet referring from all parts of each Book to all parts of all the others. jjglf" They will be bound sometimes in separate parts, sometimes all parts together. Hence those who, having either, may wish to obtain the others also, can do so by addressing the publisher. INTRODUCTION TO THE THREE BOOKS. 1 . THE FAMILY Is the foundation of all governments, the vestibule of all religions, the instructor of all nations, and the perpetu- ator and very heart’s core of humanity itself. It is, moreover, the corner-stone of all society, the great motor- wheel of all industry and business, the sanctum sanc- torum of the human soul, a d the main instrumentality of all the talents and powers, all the joys and hopes, all the virtues and interests of man, as well as the means of the existence even of the very race itself. Show me a right or wrong family among any nation or people, and I will show you a right or wrong nation or people. Of this, Scotland and France furnish contrasted examples. Scotland, a range of cold, bleak Highlands, but her family institutes are among the best on earth. And behold her sons and daughters ! Is hard work anywhere to be done and rewarded, a Scotchman is there to do and get. Is a fat office to be enjoyed, be supple, or a shrewd Scotch- man will snatch it from your grasp. Are martial strength and prowess required, what brawn equals that of Scot- tish braves? Is anything to be written, or studied, or investigated, or done, who better than the Scotch ? Is piety to be found anywhere on earth, and does it not glow on her Highland heathers, and in her Lowland homes ? Where is human nature more perfect, and less faulty ? “ In Hew England.” vi INTRODUCTION TO THE THREE BOOKS, Perhaps so. But is there any other place where hu- manity and the family relations are more perfect ? And whence New England’s mighty power throughout our nation ? From her firesides . Go w T here she will, she carries her family institutions with her, and these carry along her moral power. Thank God for Puritanical family habits ! They have done for New England, and all the regions she has peopled — for our whole country — • what Puritanism has done. And all. Her very religion is due to her family* Break up that, and -where her temples of worship, her institutions of learning, her energy, talents, virtues, everything good ? But for her family altar, how long would her churches stand, except as mementoes of the past ? And few human virtues would long survive their fall. Blot out the family, and what becomes of the school, the academy, the college ? And they gone, how great the hiatus ! Blot out the family, and what becomes of the State? The great trunk of our Government, with all its branches, foliage, and fruit, growth included, is sustained from and by the rootlets of the family. Strengthen it, and you build up all. Destroy it, and you destroy all — fruit, branches, trunk, its very being, even. England, proud, strong Old England, wherein consists thy great strength, perpetuity, glory, and vitality ? In thy family. It blighted, they all perish. And did not the strength, perpetuity, and piety of the Jewish nation grow mainly out of its excellent patri- archal and family customs ? And frivolous, downtrodden France, tyrannized over by one man, ruled by a more cruel rod than any other European nation, and that by a late citizen — become a despotism the most despotic, and from a republic the very best there was — wherein lies thy weakness, that all this can be heaped upon thee ? INTRODUCTION TO THE THREE BOOKS. vii Thou hast no family ! Thy parents hardly know their own children ! A tender youth, neither purified nor molded by maternal love or counsel, takes lodgings abroad, where, unrestrained, he riots in vice, which right family associations would interdict. Turkey, every heathen land, every nation and people on earth, but illustrate this principle on a still larger scale. And savage life most — Indian included. But, “ odious comparisons 55 aside, are these things so ? Are we evolving a fundamental truth in the natural history of man ! Read the answer in the entire history of the whole race, and learn wisdom. Learn that a nation’s and an individual’s happiness, health, talents, purity, vice, everything, depend on the family. And, O my country 1 stop and learn at least this one lesson. As a right family bequeathed to us all the bless- ings in which we now luxuriate, almost revel, so the greatness, glory, and perpetuity of our republic depend mainly on the domestic education our sons and daughters receive. Preserve our family, and you preserve our nation. Deteriorate the family, and you deteriorate all* Improve the family, and you improve alb And if it dies, all dies — -joys, hopes, church, State, college ; all our institutions, civil and religious ! Is this picture ? or is it fact ? And, O my dear country, but perfect this one hey - stone of thy colossal arch, and the towering grandeur of thy majestic superstructure will become boundless and endless. Like yon whirlwind, its base small and swift, but it enlarges, rises, spreads into boundless, endless space ! There are no limits to our prospective greatness and power, provided we but keep our domestic core right* We shall then soon govern the whole world politically, pecuniarily, by sea, on land, in ethics, in morals — defy the whole world in war, in peace — surpass the whole world in arts, in literature, in religion, in progress, and cover the whole world by our people and our institu- viii INTRODUCTION TO THE THREE BOOKS. tions ! No imagination can stretch far or high enough to equal our prospective elevation, provided we but keep good the cause of our national wealth, energy, prosperity, and power — the family . But should it ever decline — " which God forbid! — like the heart of that great oak rotten, all must rot. And should not patriots really tremble for their country, for obviously the family is on the wane throughout her borders. And these and all other national interests must needs also decline, unless until this is rectified. I would not turn alarmist ; but I would warn and direct. Be not intoxicated with thy greatness, power, and glory, but mark well wherein lies thy great strength, and improve that by perfecting thy family relations. And what is true of the nation is true of the race. All human interests, in all their phases and aspects, de- pend on the family. Missionaries and savans, philan- thropists and philosophers, fogies and progressives, men and women, young and old, one and all, any way inter- ested to improve man, turn too and improve the family , as the single means of restoring the whole race to its pristine and destined exaltation. Ye seekers after even millennial glory, look ye for it in the family ! Give me one generation of happy mar- riages and families, and I will give you back a millen- nium! And in greater glory and power than king or prophet ever dreamed! For a happy family will fore- stall and prevent all the human vices, and, instead, plant and nurture all the human virtues in parents, besides rendering their children constitutionally better than those parents. And what sentiment of the human soul as potential, as sacred, what feelings as strong, what emotions as all- absorbing, as those appertaining to the family ? Let this fact reinforce its importance. A perfect family, then, is the problem of a perfect INTRODUCTION TO THE THREE BOOKS. ix religion, government, education, society, individuality, humanity, all. And all the rights and wrongs, goods and evils, inherent in the family, work themselves out, in, and throughout all the other departments of human life. Equally so with all its improvements. Allow me, then, my country, to be a true patriot, my race, a true philanthropist, in and by holding up nature’s mirror of a perfect family before thy face. And these Books do it. They teach nature’s family mandates, laws, and institutes. They go to the very core of their subject. They give its principles , its laws , its philosophies , as well as details. THE CONSTITUENT ELEMENTS OF THE FAMILY. The family being, then, a creation, an entity, and thus important, it must needs have its constituents . Of what is it composed ? What are its integral parts or elements ? Man and woman. Husband and wife. Father and mother. Parents and children. Brothers and sisters. House and land. Appurtenances and productions. All cemented together by the affections. And governed by nature’s family institutes. 7 And these family relations must needs have some one cardinal condition. They have it in a right marriage. Matrimony is not merely an integral part and parcel of the family, but its very backbone. As it is, all are. Let all its other portions be right, but this wrong, all is wrong, like a superb body with a poor heart ; whereas a right marriage goes far to render all the other portions right. And as it constitutes the very focal center of all, it will accordingly constitute the first as well as the heart’s core of these Books. i* > : * •r - THE FAMILY-VOLUME I. MATRIMONY, AS TAUGHT BY PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOLOGY, in %\xn farts. Part I.-L0VE: ITS NATURE, LAWS, AND ALL-CONTROLLING POWER OVER HUMAN DESTINY. Part II.— SELECTION: OR, MUTUAL ADAPTATION. Part III— COURTSHIP AND MARRIED LIFE s THEIR FATAL ERRORS, AND HOW TO RENDER ALL MARRIAGES HAPPY. By PROF. O. S. FOWLER, PRACTICAL PHRENOLOGIST, LECTURER, FORMER EDITOR “AMERICAN PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL,” AND AUTHOR OF “FOWLER’S PHRENOLOGY,” “PHYSIOLOGY,” “ SELF- CULTURE,” “ MEMORY,” “ LOYE AND PARENTAGE,” “ HEREDITARY DESCENT,” “MATERNITY,” “HOME FOR ALL,” ETC., ETC. NEW YORK : O. S. FOWLER. PUBLISHER. 1S59. Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1859, by LOTTIE H. FOWLER, In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern District of New York. Jthudion TO MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER, LOTTIE. Your doting father’s greatest desire is to see you so conduct that life conferred on you as to render it and you perfectly happy. To-day you are eighteen. You are there- fore approaching that life-period consecrated by Nature to the consummation of the affectional relations . 39 On them your life-interests mainly depend. You, in common with all of a like age, need knowledge to enable you to form and conduct them aright. This required instruction this volume imparts. It expounds Nature’s primal matri- monial doctrines and practices, and shows each and all how to become true men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, parents and children. I therefore dedicate it to you and your companions in age, hoping it may guide your and their feet into floral and fruitful paths of domestic felicity ; and as a keepsake token of my undying parental love for you, I hereby bequeath to you its copyright, as your eighteenth birthday present. Your loving father, Veiroratioii lev °Ien ( Alimentive- ne*s. Amatireness ni-InteUectuaV Sentiment*. PREFACE TO MATRIMONY. Suppose a well-intentioned youth, arrived at a mar- riageable age, should soliloquize thus : u It is high time for me to marry. Marriage is indeed an eventful step. I would fain begin and conduct it just right. Where can I find reliable directions, by following which I can not err ? I find instruction in grammar, in arithmetic, in surveying, in agriculture, in the arts and sciences, but nowhere a line touching a right marriage . No school, no book, no anything ! Must I, then, leap in the dark ? And in a matter thus infinitely important ?” No, O youth ! This Book is your certain guide. It both declares and proves. It generalizes and specifies. It shows both what and why . Whoever follows it will be happy. And the more, the more closely. It also shows those happy or miserable in wedlock, wherein and viherefore so. Ye unmarried, before taking this eventful life-step, not merely read these pages as you would a novel, but study and ponder them thoroughly. Half through, turn back and re-peruse, till you fully understand its principles / for no single reading can ever fully impress them. Effect- ually re-read, and inwardly digest. Incorporate its theory and practice into both selection and courtship, as well as married life ; and then bear testimony. Young lovers., read it over and over again, and treat each other in accordance with its requisitions, and attest xvi PREFACE TO MATRIMONY. in after-life whether it has not immeasurably enhanced your heart’s felicity. And note this : whenever you de- part from its teachings, unhappiness will follow. Ye married who love some, but not all you feel that you could or would, read and practice, and you will love more and jar less. If your love is not perfect, and you would render it so, it will teach you how. Nor can the married read it attentively without becoming assimilated thereby. And the more so, the more they read and ap- preciate. For it really does show them how to draw out their own and each other’s affections. And ye disconsolate — ye who are married, but not mated ; who pine for congeniality, but are only tantalized by vain efforts and regrets ; who love some, but wrangle more ; who both feel hard and waken hard feelings ; who have enjoyed however little, and suffered however much ; whose alienation is even complete, and who loathe where you should love — do you really desire to become recon- ciled, united ? If so, each read these pages separately. Then both together. Then re-read them alone, and then together, with comments by each as you proceed, both grasping its teachings and putting them into practice, and see if it does not regenerate both — does not gradu- ally melt down your asperities and dissolve your discord. And if it does not rekindle first love in all its fervor . — which it doubtless will — it will at least enable you to live together peaceably. Try the experiment, and pro- claim the result. And ye who feel your love enhanced by this Book, turn “ home missionaries.” Carry to other firesides what has warmed your own. Self-sacrificing promoters of fireside affections are needed at home quite as much as foreign missionaries in heathen lands. Indeed, such bar- barities as are here often unconsciously perpetrated by husbands and wives upon each other have no parallel in savage life. Family reform and happiness is the one PREFACE TO MATRIMONY. xvii great desideratum of the age, of man. And this work attempts it. In the name of suffering humanity, then, give it a fair trial, and a broadcast circulation. Our task is indeed difficult, not so much on its own account, or on anything inherent in our subject itself, as because of that fastidiousness with which it is too often regarded. But, presupposing that the handwriting of the Almighty on human nature is ipso facto in good taste, and pure to the pure, and that no middle ground remained, we have treated our subject in a plain, straight- forward manner, and appeal to time and a discerning public, and especially to woman — not so much to girls, appropriately more nice than wise, nor to those so easily tempted that they must needs be or appear extra guarded — but more particularly to mature matrons, whose naturally elevated feminine tastes have been corrected and ripened by conjugal experience, whether these pages are in good taste. What paragraph would you erase before handing to your sons and daughters? Is it not your solemn duty to teach them all their good requires them to know ? And does it not require them to know the truths contained in this Book ? And can you not teach them these lessons in and by putting it into their hands better than orally ? And, ye fathers, uncles, and men of experience and business, desirous of enforcing on your young nephews, nieces, and acquaintances many a lesson here taught, which your own experience tells you they ought to know at or before their marriage, can you not convey this needed knowledge better by putting this book into their hands than verbally ? Myself a gray-haired, aged father, with children married, and having had thirty years of just that kind of professional experience requi- site for this very task, I claim to have embodied a vast amount of truths and suggestions of the utmost practical importance to both the young and the married. And in xviii PREFACE TO MATRIMONY. a manner at least -unexceptionable, if not the very best. And also to stand alone in the scientific exposition of this subject. Say one, say all, whether or not this work is entitled to the approbation — -thank-offering, even — of an appreciating public ? And whether, if you had read it earlier in life, it would not have rendered that life better, happier, higher ? INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. 2 . FIRST LAWS GOVERN MARRIAGE, Marriage is life’s casting die. No event from birth to death equally affects human weal or woe. Partly because its per se action is so potential. More because ramified throughout all life’s other joys and sorrows. It equally affects human morals, spirits, tone of mind, every- thing . 1 This happy, all is happy, and life as serene and balmy as a bright spring morning— temper sweet, intel- lect clear, hopes bright, spirits buoyant, virtues enhanced, health good, and life one long, happy gala-day. But, this unhappy, all, like autumnal storms, is dark and dreary, cold and cheerless — temper soured, intellect deadened, hopes blighted, health drooping, children cross-grained, and life a failure and a burden ! “ Then, can marriage be so formed and conducted as to render its participants always perfectly happy ?” Undoubtedly. Always . And easily. “ Exists there, then, a certain preventive and cure of all matrimonial ills? Can each and all be perfectly happy in wedlock ?” Yes. All . And perfctly. “ Then, how ? By what means ? By observing nature’s matrimonial ordinances . Cause and effect reign supreme. First laws govern every department of nature every atom of matter, every func- tion of universal life and being, from the beginning of time to its end. Whatever is, is governed thereby. Anything not thus governed would be chaotic. Thus governed, all nature becomes scientific and absolutely XX INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. certain in all her operations. Of course, all human func- tions, marriage included, are thus governed. Moreover, these laws, obeyed, always and necessarily yield happiness ; but, violated, inflict pain. And these conditions are as universal and absolute as causation itself ; of which they form an integral part and parcel. Still further: these pleasures and pains follow in the direct line of the specific law obeyed or broken. To obey a physical but break a mental law, is to enjoy physically, but suffer mentally. And to fulfill the social but violate a physical, is to enjoy socially, but suffer physically. And thus of all other laws. Human nature has its social department. All human beings are created with certain domestic instincts and faculties . 1 This, Phrenology demonstrates by pointing out a group of cerebral organs, the sole office of whose men- tal faculties is to carry forward these functions. These predispose to marriage as much as appetite to eating. And this both presupposes and proves the existence in man of a conjugal entity, which forms as constituent a department of human nature as reason or memory. Of course this department has, must have, its governing laws equally with all else in nature. These laws establish a science over this nuptial department. There is, therefore, as much a matrimonial science as a mathematical, be- cause each is equally a part and parcel of nature in general, and human nature in particular. And as such is governed by its own specific first laws. These laws re- duce both equally to certainty, and thereby render each equally scientific. Hot a inay-be so and may-be not, but a must-be — a necessity ; because each is equally governed by inflexible causation. These laws impart a right and a wrong to marriage, in both its general principles, and in all its details. This right, these law's obeyed, render this marriage happy therein and thereby. This wrong perpetrated, these law's INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. xxi violated, render it miserable. That is, since conjugality is an entity in man, and therefore has its laws, of course to obey them is to be happy, and to break them is to be miserable, in and by wedlock. Whoever obey them are guaranteed domestic felicity. But whoever suffer in and by conjugality, do so because they violate them. Every item of discord is consequent on their infringement. Nor can any obey without being happy in marriage. Nor be happy without obeying. Nor any be miserable without violating them. Nor violate without being miserable. And in exact proportion thereto. Of course, perfect obedience renders perfect conjugal felicity as absolutely certain as causation itself. A knowledge of these laws, moreover, naturally pro- motes their observance. By a law of mind, belief governs conduct. Men naturally act as they feel, and feel as they think . Conduct not governed by first prin- ciples is empirical and fitful — gropes in the dark — a ship without a compass, a life without helm or haven. Whereas a life governed by right first principles is there- fore correct and happy. This is doubly true of marriage. As those who be- lieve in pagan or Christian doctrine, in one love or free love, naturally live accordingly, of course, to live a happy conjugal life, men must have a right matrimonial doctrine — must understand , in order to fulfill the laws that govern wedlock. A knowledge of these laws, then, becomes a great public desideratum. The existing amount of matrimonial misery is almost infinite. How great, will be shown hereafter. Therefore the breaches of these laws are equally great. Yet men do about as well as they know how. They do not mean wrong. Ignorance , not evil intentions, causes most of this misery. Men and women, husbands and wives, engender mutual hatred by mutually wronging each other, while each is as innocent of any xxii INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. intended wrong as the infant that burns its fingers in the candle. They know no better. Only teach them the right, and they will follow it. Of correct conjugal knowledge there is almost a total dearth and barrenness. Nowhere are its principles or details expounded. The press promulgates family quarrels, elopements, crim. cons., and all that. But do these either teach, guide, or save ? 2 The bar arraigns, the bench condemns, and civil laws punish, matrimonial offenders ; but neither point out the causes of these errors, or prescribe preventives. The very lecture-room is silent. Even the pulpit enjoins : “ Husbands, love your wives ; and wives, obey but stops there. Does mental philosophy even attempt its scientific exposition ? It does not. In this whole de- partment of human life man is in total darkness and ignorance concerning both its principles and detailed workings. Humanity needs many things much. Many would prove useful. But none more so than this species of knowledge. “ Where, then, can it be found ?” Here. “ In what Book is it expounded !” In this. “ What evolves its first principles Phrenology. And in its analysis of man’s social facul- ties. And thus : As the phrenological faculty of color both puts us in relation with colors and intuitively teaches us all about them, and so of all its other faculties, so the social faculties bear an absolute relation to these natural social institutes, and teach them by intuition . — their laws and functions, their right and wrong action, and whatever appertains to them, and, thereby, the causes , and the remedies , of all nuptial evils. In short, man is rendered a marrying being by having been created with certain conjugal elements of mind. These are governed by certain matrimonial laws, which, INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. xxiii obeyed, guarantee perfect conjugal felicity, but, violated, inflict discord and misery. And Phrenology, in its analysis of these faculties, teaches these laws, and thereby shows individuals and communities wherein they have diverged therefrom — what broken law causes every item of conjugal pain, every discordant note — as well as the pathway to their return. And this Book claims to ex- pound that teaching. To be strictly scientific . To point out the laws that govern this whole subject. To go right home to its very hearts core. To show just w T hat is right, and what wrong. And why. Both as regards marriage itself, and all the relations of the sexes to each other. To group its facts around their governing prin- ciples, and thus become a reliable guide to perfect matri- monial felicity. To analyze the causes of all discord, and prescribe preventives. And that so plainly, prac- tically, fully, that even the unlettered need not commit error. And thoroughly to cultivate this entire human field. Great pretensions these. No volume ever made greater. But see whether it does not fulfill them. And more, even. But as every structure has, must have, its foundation, every creation its end or object, every truth its rationale, marriage must likewise have its rationale — its why , its wherefore. And that rationale will expound its object. And thereby develop its laws. And these laws its right and wrong , in general, in detail. Then, what is the rationale of marriage ? The multiplication of human beings. The perpetuity and increase of the race. And this alone. Proved by every tendency, every desire, everything in any way appertaining to it. 3 . nature’s creative institutes paramount. Some functions in nature are relatively more important than others. Thus, the office of sun is more eventful xxiv INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. than that of glow-worm — of head than little finger-nail — of heart than spleen. Then, pray, O man ! what one function stands right out in front of all her operations as her very most practically important ? Or thus : All worship — ought to — God. But, suppose required to select his most adorable attribute as the object of special reverence, what would it be but his creative ? Does not this entitle him to our highest love and worship ? For unless he first put forth his creative, how could he put forth any other ? Is not this both the instrumentality and embodiment of all ? But for it there could be no life, no function, no anything. Unless beings were first created , how could they put forth any of their functions ? And exactly in proportion as nature’s cre- ative economies multiply the various forms of life, vege- table, animal, and human, does the office even of sun become the more glorious, because the more are warmed and lighted by his rays. And thus of all her other pro- visions for the happiness of sentient beings. She will have her domains, air, earth, water, universal space, filled with life, being. Our earth was created simply for an abode of boundless life, and the production of infinite happiness. Nor created yesterday. Nor to be destroyed to-morrow. Geology proclaims her past age as almost in- finite. And astronomy shows that she is to-day perform- ing a cycle which it will require two and a half millions of years to complete ! And whatever nature begins, she finishes. Therefore our earth is destined to stand two and a half millions of years at least. And no telling how many additional cycles. And all this infinite period of time she is destined to be filled full of life in all its forms, and kept crowded, clear up to the top of every mountain, and down to the water’s edge of every conti- nent, island, shore, and river ! And of beings of a far higher intellectual and moral grade, and correspondingly INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. XXV happier, than any which now inhabit her ! And, since Death, inexorable, “ cuts down all, both great and small,” procreation must needs outstrip him in swiftness, and rise above him in might, or the universe itself would soon become tenantless ! And hence nature’s creative insti- tutes take precedence over all else. Her reproducing work is her greatest, her most important labor. And, how infinitely great that work ! Behold yon su- perior human being ! Consider him as a commodity, as a production, an invention, a structure ! What on earth at all compares with him? Examine his bones, joints, muscles, organs, eye, lungs, heart, nerves, as machines merely. How perfect each ! How perfectly adapted to each other ! And each to all ! And all to the required ends of life ! His functions how varied, how perfect ! His mental c pacities how wonderful, how almost infinite ! How divine a single good act ! What moral sublimity in a long life of the human virtues ! In the person, the being, of a Washington, considered as an entity! In human mem- ory, speech, thought, talents ! Great God ! how infinitely exalted a being is man ! A tree, an insect, a dog, a monkey — what a complication of wondrous workings ! But man, how much more astounding to contemplate ! And the race so much the more so by every one of its infinitude of members, from first to last! And who can number its countless myriads in the present and past ? Then how in- finitely more in the eternal future of the race ! And all these immortal ! O the boundless, the endless, the in- finite greatness and glory of the whole human family ! By the greatness of God himself is the greatness of this his master- work — man. For all that even a God could do to perfect man’s perfections and enhance his superlative powers and excellences, a God has done ! Nor do any now, even the most exalted individuals of the race, at all compare with their ultimate destined greatness ! Infi- nitely above their present estate is their future to become ! 2 INTRODUCTION TO MATRIMONY. xxvi Human reason, imagination, even, pall in contemplating the greatness and glory of God’s greatest production — humanity ! And by all this greatness is the greatness inherent in nature’s greatest production, man ! And in those laws which govern this department of her works ! Hence, “ Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” — fill it up, and keep it full — was the Creator’s first command to man. And written deepest into the human constitution, and universal life. Therefore it is that her multiplying instrumentalities ramify themselves upon and throughout all forms of life, and all their functions. Of course those laws which govern their multiplication must needs be correspondingly important, all-controlling. Hence their observance must yield the highest order of happiness known to man — whatever enjoys — while their infraction must needs bring down on their devoted per- petrators the most terrible retributions man, thing, can experience. Or thus : Nature has her creative department, insti- tutes, functions. Of these, marriage is the means and ultimate. This, in common with universal entity, has its own specific first laws . 2 These laws reduce its operations to certainty. Being paramount themselves, they therefore control all her other departments equally with their own. Of course, then, these laws obeyed, yield the highest order and largest range of happiness provided for in nature. And the reverse of their every infraction. And their study is both the most delightful, and the order of truth they evolve the most useful to man, of all others. Our subject-matter , therefore — the exposition of these creative laws and economies — stands, par excellence , primus inter pares. All nature’s institutes have their ways and means. By what means , then, are these creative institutes carried forward? By gender. PART I LOVE. All thoughts, all passions, all delights Whatever stirs this mortal frame — All are hut ministers of Love, And feed his sacred flame. Coleridge. MATRIMONY. PART I.-LOYE. SECTION I. ANALYSIS OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. 4. SEXUALITY. A UNIVERSAL, INHERENT ELEMENT. Sexuality is conferred on every recipient of life. u Male and female created he them, ,? not merely in the world of animals and man, but equally even throughout the entire floral and cereal, sylvan and pomal, tuberal and vegetable, as well as all her other kingdoms. Indeed, every living thing is either masculine or feminine, or else embodies the elements of both. Nor would nature have taken all this pains to impart gender to every production of her hands unless it had been commensurately important. It is important. Infinitely so. Important on account of that greatest of ends it is ordained to carry forward. This is none other than the creative — that very most import- ant end carried forward in the universe . 3 For let this sexual institute be suspended but a single generation only, and insatiable death would soon sweep every vestige of life from the face of nature — leaving instead one dreary, barren waste * and thereby forestalling and pre- venting all that happiness which, throughout all time to come, is now provided for in and by this sexual instrumentality . 3 Nor is any form or degree of life ever or anywhere established, except in and by gender. Even the very floral process itself is but that sexual func- tion which alone imparts germination to every seed and thing that grows. Hence, Hovey’s strawberry, a female plant, remains barren unless planted in close proximity to some staminate or masculine 30 MATRIMONY. variety. Even the same general organic forms are employed in vege- tative, animal, and human multiplication. More yet : what is electricity itself, that great motive principle of universal nature, in its positive and negative force, but a modification and extension of this same sexual entity ? its positive force corre- sponding with the masculine, and negative with the feminine. And the mutual attraction of its opposite, but repulsion of similar poles are exactly analogous to the mutual affinity of opposite, and aversion of similar sexes. And why not these two creative forces generating, throughout infinite time and space, materials for the formation of other worlds, to be gathered and embodied by comets, just as these elements, in the sexual form proper, are peopling those already formed with all their phases and infinitude of life ? And, pray, what is even causation itself, with all its sweep and power, 2 but another form of this very sexuality ? On scanning, analyzing any cause, it will be found to consist in the confluence — sexual conjunction — of tw r o conditions, the product, progeny of which is the effect. May not this be found, after all, to explain this hitherto inexplicable problem, namely, in what do cause and effect consist ? At all events, every possible form of terrestrial life is originated in and by this sexual institute. And you and I, 0 man, woman, child, thing, with all our powers and faculties, physical and mental, immor- tality even superadded, are but its triumphant achievements ! As are likewise all the beings and things that throng the universe ! Even all spiritual myriads included ! A work how infinitely great and glorious ! 3 And effected by a means how simple, yet infinitely po- tential ! Life ! What a complication of functions and wonders ! And how infinitely precious ! To ourselves, to others ! Thou life itself, with even all thy wondrous workings, but the product of this very sexuality ! Important to the individual. Its office being to transmit all parts of the parentage to the progeny, it must needs pervade all. Else how could it transmit ? It pervades, sexes, even every function, every emanation of every being and thing. Pervades, sexes the vocal ity. Is not every vocal utterance, every lisp even, of every man and woman, boy and girl, animal and thing, sexed ? Are not thunder, earthquake, cataract, locomotive, mascu- line? And can not it be told, just by the intonations of every singer, speaker, whisperer even, whether a male or female sings, speaks, whispers ? And thus down to every animal, bird, insect ? Do they not even make their loves mainly by their voices ? What are the creakings of cricket and katydid, the piping of frog and toad, the THE LOVE ELEMENT. 81 croaking of raven and crowing of rooster, the w r arbling of feathered songster and scream of eagle, the bellowing of bovines and neighing of equities, the roaring of lion and yelling of tiger, as well as all human vocal utterances, but sexed and sexual expressions ? And the more highly sexed man, woman, animal, thing, the more does this entity impress and perfect their every vocal utterance. Impresses, sexes the chirography. Can it not be told, just by the superscription on a letter, whether a man or woman superscribed ? And the more a man, the more, like that of John Hancock, twill the bold, masculine hand-writing appertain to every stroke of his emphatic pen. And the more feminine or highly sexed any female, the more beautiful all the strokes and touches of her delicate hand. Even the very rap at the door has gender. For can not a man’s be contra-distinguished from a woman’s ? And the more a man or woman, the more easily, because the better sexed. So of walk, motion, etc., down to every single action and emanation of every single individual, person, animal, and thing ! The manners, too, are sexed. Is not the tone of man’s comport- ment to woman, and of woman’s to man, far above that of either sex to its own? And the more a man or woman, the more high-toned, gentlemanly, ladylike, the behavior of each sex to the other. Is not the form, also, sexed ? Is there not a male and female shape of face, of person ? Applicable to insect and batracian, fish and fowl, plumage included, lion and lioness : and thus of everything else appertaining to their entire physical structures, 8 and all its mani- festations. Equally so, too, their mentalities. Is there not a masculine and a feminine style of expression and cast of thought? Can it not be told, just by the very wording of any paragraph or page, whether penned by a man or woman? And the more a man, the more, as in Webster, will the bold, potential, original, and masculine cast of thought and expression characterize his every oration, paragraph, sentiment, and construction of sentence. Equally so of feminine composition, letters especially. In short, gender is a necessary entity. As much so as form or mag- nitude. And as much a universal appurtenance of life throughout all its phases, functions, and emanations. And precisely the same characteristics, physical included, appertain to the male sex through- out all its varieties. And the same, too, of the female. Of what they are, their signs, effects, etc., in our second Book. Suffice it here that we have pointed out the existence of sex as a constituent element of things, along with its universality, and practical importance. 82 MATRIMONY. 5 . AMATIVENESS AS EMBODYING THIS SEXUAL ELEMENT. A natural entity thus absolutely indispensable must needs have some corresponding mental faculty in the human mind. Else how could it be exercised ? It is in the economy of the human mind that no class of functions, mental or physical, can ever be carried forward except in and by a special power or faculty forming a constituent part of that mind. This faculty is to its functions what the tool is to the work done, or the machine to its product. Man must then have some primitive mental faculty set apart to carry on this destined work of reproduction. Such a faculty is as necessary to insure such function as heart circulation, or muscles, motion. By thus incorporating this faculty into humanity as forming a constituent part of it, nature ren- ders its actign^as absolutely certain as eating, or reasoning, or any other functioji. Hence the action of sexuality in all its varieties of function is thus^guaranteed forever, by its being incorporated into the very constitutiorfof man’s mind. And into thathfF all human beings. As air can not be without the presence of all its 5$>nstituent elements, or body without heart, stomach, bones, each and al^its parts, so no human being can be human with- out possessing both This inherent sexual entity itself, 4 and its corre- sponding mental faculty to secure its outworkings, and render that action absolutely universal and certain. It is, moreover, an organic law, that every mental faculty has, must have, its cerebral organ. The brain is the general organ of the mind. All mental function is carried on by cerebral action. This brain is subdivided into organs, each of which carries forward the special functions of its particular mental faculty. As the primitive power to see can manifest itself only by and through the eye, and thus of all the other physical functions ; so every mental faculty can act only by means of its specific organ or compartment of the brain. This, Phrenology fully demonstrates as a universal ordinance of nature. Of course, then, this sexual mental faculty or power of mind must have its special cerebral organ. It has it. And Phrenology has discover- ed this organ to be located in the back and lower portion of the brain, and christened it Amativeness. See No. 1, Amativeness, in the map of the head. It is located just above the nape of the neck, *nd is the organ farthest back and lowest down in the brain. In pro- p; ion as it is large, it fills out the back and lower portion of the head, just at its junction with the neck, rendering the two compara- tively straight at their meeting. But when it is small, both head and neck slope inwardly where they meet, thus making a deep curve AMATIVENESS. 33 at their junction. It is very small in the following engraving of an infant, as it is in all infantile heads; and in them this faculty is cor- respondingly weak. It is also small in the accompanying engraving of a regular man-hater. Infant. Skull of an Old Maid at Sixty. But when large it fills out the head at its posterior junction with the neck, as in the accompanying engrav- ing of Aaron Burr, than whom, probably, no man of his time, if of any other, evinc- ed as great a degree of its sentiment. It was so large, that when his bust was taken after death — and the original is now in Fowler and Wells* collection, 308 Broadway, New York — the artist took his drawing-knife to cut off what he supposed to be two enormous wens, but which were in reality the cerebral organs of Amative- ness. His son standing by, from whom the author had the anecdote, persuaded him to let it remain just as it was. And the mark of the knife just beginning to cut is found on the bust. The correspondence, then, be- tween the size of this organ and power of this passion in him was perfect. And the phrenological records are full and most conclusive on this point. Baron Leary, chief surgeon of Bonaparte’s army, than whom few had equal opportunities for observation, says that those soldiers shot in the cerebellum ever afterward remained impotent. See Boardman’s array of this class of facts in his u Defense of Phre- ■ nology.” But this work assumes that Phrenology is true, and refers, for further information, to works on this science. The special office of this faculty is to transmit. For this alone 34 MATRIMONY. was it created. To this alone is it devoted and adapted. It creates both the desire and power to transfer the entities of parents to their progeny. This transfer, or rather parental re-creation, is wonderfully minute, as our second Book will show. And this organ and faculty embody nature’s instrumentalities for effecting this reproduction. It is like the daguerreian process, save that the product of that is but an exact picture, while that of this is a reproduction along with an amalgamation — is an embodiment of all the entities of both the pa- rents in their mutual children. And of all the phenomena, all the wonders of the whole universe itself, this is incomparably the most wonderful in its certainty, its minuteness, its means, its philosophies, everything connected therewith. Well might angels ponder over its mysteries, and exult in view of its beauties forever ! And this parental embodiment is in proportion, other things being the same, to the strength of this faculty, and this to the size of its organ. That is, those who have a given amount of physical or men- tal capacity, with but weak sexuality, or small Amativeness, will transfer but little to their progeny, as compared with the amount they possess ; whereas, those having a vigorous sexuality, or large Ama- tiveness, though they may have less to transmit, will nevertheless impart much more of their qualities to their children in proportion to the amount possessed. Or thus : those who have Amativeness only 3 in a scale of 7, with the intellectual, or moral, or other endowments 6 or 7, will transmit only 4 or 5 of their other endowments; whereas, if they had Amativeness 6 or 7. they would transmit 6 or 7 of their other endowments — would transmit in even a greater degree than they themselves possessed them. Or, if Amativeness is 6 or 7, and their other endowments only 3 or 4, they will transmit 5 or 6 of these en- dowments — in short, will render their children better endowed than themselves. In addition to this its transmitting office, it also confers what might properly be called matrimonial talent. It both predisposes to mar- riage, and likewise bestows the intuition requisite for fulfilling its rela- tions. As large Causality both predisposes to reason and also confers the reasoning gift ; as large Order both loves method and instincively takes the best course to secure it ; as large Ideality both loves beauty and imparts it to every act, look, and expression; as large Construct- iveness both loves mechanism and confers a manufacturing and invent- ive capacity, so large Amativeness not>only loves the opposite sex and desires to unite in marriage and the creative institutes, but also confers on its possessor a matrimonial capacity , talent, gift, instinct. And as some are gifted in one direction, such as mathematics or mechanics, AMATIVENESS, ITS TRUE FUNCTION. 35 and others in others, as poetry, music, reason, painting, etc., according as their corresponding mental faculties are strong or weak and phre- nological organs large or small — as reckoning figures naturally comes easy to some and hard to others ; and thus of traffic, oratory, and all the other human gifts — so of the matrimonial. The difference between different persons in this respect is indeed heaven- wide. Some involun- tarily become good husbands and wives, even without effort. Others are poor, though they try their very best. The former have large, vigorous, and normal Amativeness. In the latter it is small or per- verted. Though Conjugality also assists, of which in its place. Sexuality is therefore the great base of all matrimonial and family excellence. On it rests the entire superstructure of wedlock. Out of it, like limbs from their trunk, grow all the conjugal relations. Its full and right exercise perfectly fulfills them all. They are complete when its action is perfect. But they are incomplete when its action is imperfect. It is hardly possible for those in whom it is large and nor- mal, however faulty in other respects, to make poor husbands or wives, any more than those poor mechanics or reasoners in whom Construct- iveness or Causality is powerful. Nor those good ones per se in whom it is small, be their other excellences however many or great. Be it that a man is ever so sober, steady, industrious, provident, libe- ral, religious, moral, intelligent, and all that ; yet if he is but poorly sexed he is only a poor commonplace man, and therefore both unloving and unlovable. A coldness, a hardness, a roughness, an un- couthness, a rigidity, a leathern deadness, a flatness, a tame passivity incrusts and smothers all he says, does, and is. He is no man , and therefore barren of emotion ; is soulless, a mere dried-up thing. And cares little for women in general, or wife in particular. And is cared little for by either. In short, he is a virtual eunuch, in especir mind and heart, as well as person, and comparatively worthies*. „ Whereas, he in whom it is hearty and normal, is like an overflowing fountain, perpetually bubbling up and ever running over with the fresh and sparkling waters of our common humanity. He loves woman in general, and wife in special, with a fervor which both re- awakens love in return, and teaches him by intuition just how to com- port himself toward both wife and the sex. There is something so warm, so gushing, so glowing, so rich, so true to humanity in all he says „ and does, because he loves the sex, and the sex him. And yon poorly ^ sexed woman is so cold, so spiritless, so half dead and alive, so passive, so tame, so barren in all the female attractions and virtues — like leather as compared with skin — the female structure, to be sure, but its life and’ soul weak. She may, indeed, be a great worker and a good 36 THE LOVE ELEMENT. housekeeper, the best of nurses and the very kindest of neighbors, as "well as extra proper, refined, and all that, and however much more besides, but she lacks the very heart’s core of the true female. Bar- ren in womanliness, she lacks the one thing needful in both female character in general, and the uxorious wife in particular. Be she however good in all other respects, she is neither loving nor lovely, nor satisfactory as a wife proper. An anecdote. A well-sexed husband, hearing these views, said, u Mr. F., you really must apply your professional skill to see why and wherein I and my wife differ. I lived happily with my first wife, and came to my second marriage with the very best of intentions — planted, builded, and did everything just as my wife desired, but all to no purpose. Please her I really can not. We live together on toler- ance only. Now I just want you to say, phrenologically, what and where the trouble is . 77 I found Amativeness small in her. This was the whole trouble. Her sexual poverty rendered her incapable of appreciating masculine character, or manifesting feminine — of either loving or awakening love. And I advised her sister, who was similarly constituted, never to marry, because incapable of either being or making happy in wed- lock. To which she replied, and with more truthfulness, I trust, than many who make a like declaration, that she u never wanted to . 77 Show me those who do not desire to marry, and I will show you “ neuter genders , 77 mere unsexed things ) whereas, exactly in propor- tion as this element is developed, will it both create conjugal appetite, and confer that intuition which instinctively fulfills its relations. True, the pairing instinct comes into the matrimonial account: but as it forms a part of the sexuality, to save amplification, we use Ama- tiveness as embracing both. True, like stomach, or memory, though naturally strong, it may have been weakened by early errors, or impaired by declining health — in which case, restoring health will restore it — or it may be weak- ened by its preternatural excitement — and false excitement always and necessarily weakens — or reversed by disappointed love, Sec. II., or per- verted — in which case the larger it is the poorer the companionship — or it may be married uncongenially, and so lie dormant, or other causes may have impaired or destroyed its primal action — of which hereafter. Yet, notwithstanding all, in the aggregate, those in whom • it is normal and vigorous are naturally adapted to become good conjugal partners — it hiding a multitude of faults. But those in whom it is weak or perverted, though endowed with many excellent characteristics, are poor husbands or wives as such. u I would as UTILITY OF AMATIVENESS. 37 soon marry a man as her. or a bar-post, for that matter,” said a well- sexed man of an unmarried female of thirty, who, though eminently refined, intellectual, moral, and conversational, had but a small en- dowment of this faculty, and extra squeamishness. And he was right. Beware, then, how you marry one in whom it is small, unless it is weak in yourself, in which case your marriage will be but a common- place affair. True, if you marry for station, fortune, talents, or any other than strictly matrimonial objects as such, its strength or weakness is less important. As also if it is deficient in yourself. Notwithstand- ing, as a per se matrimonial qualification, it stands head and shoulders above all others — is, indeed, the very marrying and marriageable entity itself ; all other things being but addendas, postscripts. Most dignified and exalted, then, is its office. Is life the wonder of wonders, and is not that amatory instrumentality by which it is orig- inated equally wonderful ? Is life the one great staple production of earth and all its contrivances, and is not its means equally great ? Are the gifts and powers of life everywhere to be honored, and is not that sexual sentiment which confers them equally so ? Is life the embodiment and summum bonum of all that is, and is not that gene- rative capacity which establishes it equally so ? Do we praise that in man or woman which does any great work, originates any great invention, writes a great poem, evolves great ideas, does anything ex- traordinary, and shall we not also praise that sexual entity in humanity which brings these highly endowed human beings on the stage of action ? Is an intuitive talent for mechanism, or money-making, or poetry, or eloquence, or logic, honorable in its possessor and useful to mankind, and is not this parental and conjugal gift quite as much so? As we honor other capacities, why not equally this ? As a superior workman in any art awakens admiration for his skill, why not one who is superior as a progenitor quite as much ? As we praise a gifted orator, why not equally a superior wfife or husband ? As statesman- like capacities receive public ovations, and thus of other natural capacities, why not equally superiority in life’s conjugal relations ? In phrenological language, do we not honor powerful Combativeness, Acquisitiveness, Constructiveness, Ideality, Conscientiousness, Tune, Language, Causality, etc. ? Then why not also large and normal Amativeness? Is it not as much a human endowment as Causality or Benevolence ? Then shall not excellence therein be as much hon- ored ? And cultivated, too ? For is it not as honorable ? And as useful ? As much ? Why not more ? As nature’s creative institutes are paramount, 3 and as this is its instrumentality, 4 5 shall not this be even 38 THE LOVE ELEMENT. the more honored than they ? If not, why not ? Shall we venerate Washington, and not likewise his parents ? Could he have been but for them ? And did he not inherit from them the talents we praise in him ? His mother was one of nature’s noblest of women. That is, she was admirably sexed. Hence her son’s genius . 5 All honor, then, to her as well as him. All honor to every true husband and wife, father and mother. Does not she who has ever been a perfect wife and mother, and reared a large family of superior sons and daughters to be and to make happy, deserve as much honor as he who has built a splendid steamboat, or achieved any other great or good work ? This amatory sentiment, then, is not that mean, low-lived, brute passion generally supposed. Instead, it takes a dignified rank among the human powers. It is not only an indispensability to every indi- vidual and the very race, but likewise a gift, a talent. Its perversion alone is despicable. And that is. But is not also that of all the other faculties ? As Secretiveness is despicable, not in and of itself, but only when perverted to lying and trickery ; as Acquisitiveness is honorable when applied to industry, and becomes low-lived only when perverted to cheatery ; as even Veneration when perverted to heathen worship is degrading; as is even Conscientiousness when it impels to wrong under the erroneous supposition that it is right — Saul when persecuting the Church — so Amativeness when, and because, perverted becomes one of the vilest of the human vices ; but properly exercised, none of the human powers or virtues are more honorable or praisewor- thy, or to be cultivated . 4 6. ANALYSIS OF LOVE, OR MUTUAL ATTRACTION OF THE SEXES. But this creative institute would remain forever inert, dead, but for some motive principle , some inherent executive force, to perpetually in- cite it to carry forward its great reproducing work. Of what use gender without some absolute provision for its exercise ? But that exercise, like its work, must needs be all-potential . 3 And as universal as potential — co-equal and co-extensive with the element itself . 4 By what means , then, is it set and kept in motion ? That is, in what does its exercise consist ? In the mutual attraction and affinity of each sex for the other. Always and everywhere the male inclines to, associates and assimilates with, attracts and is attracted by, the female. And the female to and by the male. Suppose they mutually repelled each other, could they unite in the creative economies ? 3 Or if merely indifferent ? Nor * would they, if possessing only the common attractiveness of life and humanity. All matter has a certain attraction to all. Universal life ITS ANALYSIS. 39 is attracted to and by all life. ci Birds of a feather’’ and beasts of kin u flock together.” Man feels an attraction to and for inert matter even. More for vegetative life. More yet for animal. Still more for our common humanity. But most of all for the opposite sex. In- deed, this mutual attraction and attractiveness of every male to and by every female, and female, male, is a universal concomitant, a con- stituent even, of gender itself. Is, in short, its one specific function. Men treat men and women women upon the common plane of our common humanity merely. But every male feels, acts, toward every female upon another, a sexual base — a plane superadded to and higher than the human merely. If each sex felt toward the other as toward its own, pray how could that great creative work they were sexed to execute be carried on ? The perfection of their mutual children re- quires the complete blending and union of all the respective entities of both parents in their production. This requires perfect mutual affinity. This affinity must needs inhere in the sexual element itself. Else it must remain inert. It does thus inhere. And its special office is to attract and affiance each sex to the other, in order to their com- plete assimilation and blending in the parental relations. This mutual attraction is called love. It loves the society of the opposite sex. Man loves to talk, communicate, interchange thoughts and feelings with man. But much more with woman. And the more, the more a man he is. Woman, too. loves to talk. And so well that she loves to talk even with woman. But how much more with man ! Loves also to listen as well as talk. Loves his deep-toned bass voice, powerful, impressive tones, and especially overpowering ideas, his copious, well-begotten thoughts, his boldness and originality of argu- ment and expression, his cast of intellect, character, everything appertaining to him as a masculine. A well-sexed woman drinks them in as appreciatingly as a wine connoisseur his delicious viands. She feasts thereon as the epicure on his delicacies. She is elevated, elated, inspired, almost intoxicated, mentally and physically, as only man can incite and inspirit woman. Her whole being becomes infused, magnetized thereby. In short, she loves him. And not the male, too, equally attracted to, incited by, the female ? “ It is not meet for man to be alone.” This masculine entity in him, seeks the feminine in her, as eyes light, ideality beauty, intellect knowledge. It inspirits, elates him, as he her. He seeks her society, as she his. He loves to listen to the soft warblings of her sweet feminine voice, in conversation, in music, and is enchanted, captivated thereby. In fine, he loves her, as she him. What loves ? And loves what ? 40 THE LOVE ELEMENT. The sexuality. It is this sexual element in him which loves this same entity in her. And in all its various manifestations, mental and physical. Masculinity expresses this element in man. No English word exactly expresses it in woman. Our language needs, must yet have, some word expressing that in woman which mascu linity expresses in man. Femininity can be used to express it. We shall use it, then, to signify the feminine entity and its manifesta- tions. This masculinity and femininity, then, are what both love and awaken love. This love appertains to each other’s forms. There being a mascu- line and a feminine configuration , 4 masculinity loves the feminine form, and femininity the masculine. All beauty of form is beautiful to all. But the feminine form is far more beautiful to man than woman. As is also the masculine to woman than man. A woman admires a beautiful woman much. Man how much more ! And vice versa. And the more, the more a man or woman. There being a masculine and a feminine vocality , 4 he naturally appreciates and loves this her vocality, and she his, more than either sex that of its own. And as this sexuality appertains equally to mind as body, and to mind most , 3 therefore each sex loves the men- tality of the other more than their physiologies. It appertains to style of conversation and composition . 4 And hence the style of each captivates the other. It appertains to their respective mentalities. Hence woman admires the masculine mind, and man the feminine. Since gender inheres in all either sex does and is, pervading their entire being , 4 therefore this love element in each attracts the whole being of the other, besides being attracted throughout thereby. The love element in each feasts on all the other says, does, is. In short, the entire being of each attracts and is attracted by, both loves and is beloved by, the whole being of the other. And their minds most, because most sexed. But in order fully to expound the nature of this love element, we must first show its rationale. Must show its effects by first showing its object. Its what by its what for. Its nature by its office. Then, for what was it created? What end does it subserve? The creative. And no other. It was not instituted merely to render its participants happy, any more than appetite to give pleasure in eating, or lan- guage in talking. But, as eating was instituted to feed the system, and the pleasures incidental’ thereto are secondary and incentive merely, instituted to render its action the more certain — and* this is true of all man’s other functions— so love yields to the loving a world of pleasure, in order that this pleasure may promote and further this ITS ANALYSIS. 41 its creative end. But the pleasure itself is secondary. The end only is primal. Offspring is nature’s only end and rationale of love. And all its phases and degrees naturally tend to promote and eventuate in their production and improvement. This is too obvious to need proof, or even illustration. As obvious as that two and two make four. Of course, then, all the conditions of offspring must needs be em- bodied in this love element and its conditions. Not of their number merely, but quality also. Nature wants many much, but good more. Thus, as it is a natural ordinance that superior beings should take precedence over inferior, animal over vegetable, man over animal, and the higher races and individuals over the lower ) so nature would produce the greatest number, along with the highest order of human beings. And the conditions of the highest order are obviously wrought into her love or creative economies. The perfection of offspring re- quires the perfect blending and embodiment of all the elements of both their parents. And the rationale and ultimate of this mutual attrac- tion is that parental blending and embodiment which both establishes life and transmits hereditarily to their progeny the entire entities of both parents. Hence, whenever this love or affinity is incomplete, their mutual blending is correspondingly so, and equally so their offspring. Both parental entities require to become perfectly amalgamated into a one, in order that they may be thus embodied and transmitted. This embodiment it is the office of love to effect. It thus mutually unites as well as attracts. And attracts in order to unite. It blends the two parents into a one, li so that they are no longer twain but one flesh” in themselves and children. They are to enter conjointly upon their creative mission, and therefore require that this flowing together arrangement appertain to all their other functions, in order that it may thereby appertain the more perfectly to this likewise. And this in-common arrangement must be perfect in everything else, in order that it may be perfect in this. Their very thoughts and feelings must needs vibrate in unison in all other respects, in order that the vibra- tion may be complete here. All the notes throughout their entire nature must accord, so that the concord may be the more perfect in this, its key-note. Discord anywhere else also enters into this. And therefore, preventing it elsewhere prevents it here. And the more perfect in the others, the more perfect here. And the more perfect here, the more perfect the transmission. And the more highly en- dowed their mutual children. And those who love thereby naturally do become one. Indeed, unity is the very function of love. Let those who have ever loved, but analyze this sentiment. Did it not produce, consist in, a flowing together of thought, feeling, everything? As 42 THE LOVE ELEMENT. u straws show which way the wind blows/’ so little things, the walk, will show the workings of love. Let a tall man who naturally takes long steps come to love a woman who takes short ones, and he will involuntarily step the shorter, and she the longer, till both come to step exactly alike — Their motions faying into each other as if one common spirit actuated those of both. Coming even to the curb, where it is doubtful whether one long or two short steps shall measure the distance, both seem instinctively to judge and step alike. They may be aptly compared to two goblets, each half full, one with one colored liquid, and another with another, poured together, so that there are no longer two colors, hut the two unitedly forming a new single color, a perfect amalgam of both, every particle of each inter- mingling freely with every particle of the other. They actually often find themselves thinking together on the same subjects, and even speaking the very same words at one and the same time. They desire to be always together; and, when apart, feel restless and lost, as if a part of their own being had been torn from them, while a part of that of their loved one remained ever present with them. And how delightful their reunion ! But be their bodies wherever they may, their spirits are in sympathy. Let her be on the Western prairie, but he busy in bustling New York ; if she fall sick so as really to need his presence, her spirit holds that perfect intercom- munion with his, which draws on his, till, feeling as if he must go home, he breaks from business, hastens to the lightning train, and rushes home, as if crazy to be at her side. Goethe incidentally de- scribes the workings of love in his allegory of the two philosophers who had two dials, the hands on which moved together. Going into distant lands, they agreed at stated times to commune with each other by means of these dials. So, when love has its perfect, its highest work — and this phenomenon appertains to no other phase of it — no matter where their bodies are, their spirits are in sympathy. Or let either at a given hour fall into a love revery, musing on the other, the other also, however far away, will be thrown thereby into a like revery. Let true lovers compare notes, and they will find both are meditating on each other at the same hour and minute. Of course, these illustrations apply only to the highest phase of love ; but to them they do apply. They expound the love element. This is but the product of that blending, that perfect reciprocity in which love consists. And it is this oneness which unites both their entities ill their children. Accordingly, the children of affectionate wedlock are much more highly endowed by nature as compared with the talents and virtues ITS ANALYSIS. 43 of their parents, than those of discordant. Those of the former are smarter and better, those of the latter less intelligent and good, than their respective parents — taking, of course, their health and other conditions into due account. In 1840, two most beautiful, even angelic, children, came under my hands professionally — so far more highly endowed every way than their parents, that I wondered to see such extra fine children from such common parentage. They were so very fine, that my wife, carried away with their beauty and sweet- ness, took down their address, that she might re-feast her eyes on their superior loveliness. She then learned its obvious cause, namely, that both parents had married their first and only love ) that never one unkind or discordant word had ever passed between them • that their conjugal union was indeed perfect. But mark, imperfection always characterizes the children of dis- cordant wedlock. They have glaring defects, or excesses, or both. They lack homogeneousness and consistency of character. If the father is dictatorial and mother submissive, or mother a shrew and father henpecked, their children may be merely good, like the subdued parent, but will lack force. And thus of other points. And the faults of both will be aggravated, but virtues diminished, in their children, who will show rather a marked resemblance to one than the blending and assimilation of both. Thus, suppose a son of discordant wedlock to be a preacher. He must needs take after one parent or the other, for he can not after both. Their discord prevents. If after father, he is perhaps talented and powerful, but not emotional. Is rather gifted than good. May preach to the heads of his hearers, but will not reach their hearts. Or, if he takes more after his mother, he is all fervor, glow, emotion, and pathos, but lacks depth and power. He may indeed carry tfieir hearts, but can not reach their heads. But the son of affectionate wedlock will unite the talents of the male with the virtues of the female, and therefore be both intellectual and emotional, talented and good. And carry head along with heart. In other words, is the perfect man. Love between the parents also entails a calm, quiet, even, har- monious character, which renders life smoother and happier, while parental discord engenders a harsh, rough, irritable, restless, feverish sta'te, inimical to both virtue and enjoyment. But the full power of this point can not be made apparent here. It will come up again from another stand-point, when both its extent and importance will be rendered far more emphatic than now. Indeed, this whole work will apply, and thereby reinforce both the 44 THE LOVE ELEMENT. effect and necessity of perfect parental oneness as a means of progenal endowment. The point now especially under consideration is, that this love element, this power to attract and be attracted, this fusing, blending entity, are all one — are the product of this sexuality, and the instrumentality of that perfect oneness which combines the entire being of both parents in the characteristics of their children. Now, this fusing principle is a hundred-fold stronger in some than others. Nor does it bear any proportion to the other faculties of the same individual. It may be weak or strong in combination with either weak or strong passions, moral sentiments, intellect, or any of the other faculties. Some seem naturally to blend and affiliate with, become one, amalgamate, interfuse, lose their identity, by merging it in with that of their loved one. In others, this welding of spirit is imperfect and difficult. They might aptly be compared to the weld- ing of irons — those red-hot welding completely, but the cooler the less completely. To the melting together of different metals, as in Ger- man silver, all the particles of which flow and pack together in a perfect amalgam. Some maintain their identity almost as much after love as before* while others lose it completely. Some enjoy things — eating, walking, life’s various pleasures — about as much alone as with the one they love. Others, again, can do nothing, enjoy nothing, except with their conjugal mate. Some can love heartily, even if the object is not to their liking; while the love of others is easily chilled by any dissimilarities. Some cling to their loved one, even though abused and deeply wronged, like the spaniel, who loves though beaten ; while minor wrongs completely alienate the affections of others. And thus throughout the entire chapter of the blending in- fluences of love. Now, this difference is fundamental. Like differences in talents, music, figures, poetry, etc. And has its cause . And that cause the different degrees or proportions of this sexual element. It is the sexuality which loves, blends, and awakens love. Which both attracts and then is attracted by. And blends in order to transmit. And the fuller this sexuality, the more perfect this blending, and the progeny. To sum up : Amativeness is adapted, and adapts man to nature’s sexual institutes. It is that mental element in which gender inheres, and through which it expresses itself. It embodies the marrying and marriageable, as well as the parental entity. Amativeness, sexuality, parentage, conjugality, and the love element, therefore, are convertible terms, and but different expressions for the same common section of humanity, and hence will be used indiscriminately in this work. And the measure of either is also that of each, as well as of all the others. POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. 45 SECTION H. POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT OVER HUMAN HAPPINESS AND DESTINY. 7. RATIONALE OF THE POWER OF LOVE. But, as every statue must needs have its pedestal, every structure its foundation, every natural creation its end or object, and every truth its rationale, so this love or blending element must likewise have its rationale. And that rationale must needs disclose its object. And this object its first laics. And these laws its details , modus operandi , and power. Then, what is the rationale of love ? The creation, endowment, and perfection of human beings. The perpe- tuity, multiplication, and improvement of mankind. Nature must not only reproduce, but, likewise, u each after its kind P Else the various races and species would lose their distinctive characteristics. Apples would cease to be apples, wheat wheat, man man, and so on throughout all that reproduces. But this would render our whole earth one complete Babel. To prevent this, the resemblance of progeny to parents must needs be most minute. It is so. How minute, words can hardly describe. Of this in our second Volume. Suffice it here, that all who have any African or Indian blood run- ning in their veins show its marks, physically and mentally, in walk, in color, in tone, in everything. Specialties can be traced in animals and man for thousands of years — as far as any accounts are given. Now, this wonderful minuteness of transfer must have its cause. Nature always works by means , never without them. By what instrumentalities , then, does she transmit the entire entity of parentage, down to its minutest shadings and phases, to her progeny ? In and by ramifying this love or transmitting element upon and throughout the entire entities of the parents, down even to the minutest shadings of character and manifestations of body and mind. To render this transfer complete, this permeation must needs be cor- respondingly complete. Else, how could it transmit ? And its power over the entire being must needs be equally perfect and absolute. And so it is. It holds in its hands the destinies of all its possessors, to build up when in a right state, to break down when in a wTong. And the more so, the more potential this faculty. No one portion, 46 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT not even a single function, of human nature can ever escape its power. It has just been shown to be basilar in its position, and its influence must therefore be correspondingly eventful. 8. INFLUENCE OF LOVE OVER THE BODY, AND ITS FUNCTIONS. The following engraving and explanation of a section made through the middle of the brain, from the nose over the median line to the spine, shows the position of the cerebellum, and also its structure, as seen in the u arbor vitae,” that branch-like formation in which Amative- ness resides. The name, 11 arbor vitae,” tree of life, was given it from its resemblance to a bough or tree with branches, and that long before Phrenology discovered it to be the tree or origin of life in very deed — that all life is originated in, and conferred by, its promptings. And A PERPENDICULAR SECTION OF THE BRAIN AND SKULL. how impressive the anatomical fact, that the structure of this very cerebellum, or phrenological organ of Amativeness, shows it to be the great human and animal sensorium ! The following engraving still further shows what a vast amount of nerves center in and ramify over this very cerebellum, and. of OVER THE BODILY FUNCTIONS. 47 course, amatory organ. All portions of the body are connected with the brain — that great organ of life. And every bodily organ — heart, THE NERVES OP TIIE BRAIN. lungs, stomach — has its cerebral organs in the base of the brain ; of which Alimentiveness and muscular motion furnish examples. And these cerebral organs are either in or right close around this cere- bellum in which Amativeness is located. Now, since organs located together naturally act together, and react to quicken each other, we might naturally expect the state of Amativeness to modify all the physical functions, because it is located in such close proximity to all. Or thus : all portions of the body communicate with the brain, that great organ of all life and function, by means of the spinal column. The little finger nail lives by means of its nervous communication with the brain. Sever that, and it dies. So of all the other bodily organs. Nerve is the great instrumentality of life. Every part has, must have, its nerve, and that nerve must communicate with both its organ and the brain. And most of these nerves of the bodily organs connect with the brain through the spinal column, and terminate at the cerebellum. And are thus anatomically connected with Amative- ness just as closely as possible. This engraving further shows that the nerves from the eye terminate, are ramified, just as near Amative- ness as may be. Behold this concentration of the bodily nerves in this cerebellum ! That is, at the cerebral organ of love . 5 This shows 48 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT why and how all the states of love must necessarily modify and affect all the physical functions. And so they do. POWER OF LOVE OVER THE MUSCULAR SYSTEM. Love exercised normally redoubles muscular activity and power. Let a man pat a little girl’s cheek pleasantly, and she bounds off as sprightly and as briskly as a lark. Those well-sexed walk with an elastic grace unattainable by others, every movement being full of snap, and peculiarly attractive. Hence the very walk of either sex does much to captivate the other. This is consequent on a pecu- liarity of movement given by Amativeness to the loins and hips by means of these nerves. This embodies the natural language of Ama- tiveness, as will be shown hereafter, which proclaims itself unmistak- ably in not merely the walk, but in every single motion. It imparts something so beautiful, so taking, so queenly, to the motion of all well-sexed women — so dignified, noble, proud, and manly to that of man. And doubly so when they are heartily in love ! An illustrative anecdote. A letter of introduction from an intimate male friend to his betrothed in Bridgeport, gave me an excellent opportunity often to observe and admire her graceful manners and feminine motions. Meeting him at the wharf when he landed, I accompanied him to her father’s house the day before their intended marriage, and though I had previously admired her beauty and grace of motion much, for she was both well sexed and in love, yet the moment she set eyes on him a new electric love-flash lightened up her entire being. Her countenance glowed with this seraphic emotion intensified. Her eyes sparkled, her lips quivered, her beauty of mo- tion became re-enchanting, and every function of mind and body seemed electrified, reinspired by awakened love. I walked behind them the next day to church on their way to the hymeneal altar, reading her walk, so queenly, and every motion so surpassingly per- fect, as only intense love fully elicited could have perfected it. And how much, think you, of that poetic grace of manners, beauty of looks, perfection of walk, and all that we admire in the blushing bride, is due to awakened love ? By virtue of this law it is, that w T hen two walk together that love each other there is no describing this perfecting influence of love on their motive organs. If they start out on a pic-nic or excursion, even if either or both are weakly, they walk on, on, on, for miles, so gayly, so lively, so easily, wholly unconscious of time, distance, fatigue, or weather. But let them come afterward to dislike each other, and though just as strong now as before, the road, distance, weather, all OVER THE BODILY FUNCTIONS. 49 the same, how great the contrast ! What was then so short has now become so long. What was then so charming is now so dull ] then so pleasant, now so irksome, that they return soured, fatigued, and utterly disappointed. Tiresome indeed is all muscular exertion when love is reversed. This principle applies to work. Let men be employed in labor or muscular exertion of any kind, or trials of strength, whenever ladies stop to look on, how much spryer, stronger, smarter they become, more agile, less fatigued, more enduring, and less indolent. But when woman looks on with a disdainful or evil eye, how that look palsies ! And how irksome, how tiresome, how wearisome beyond measure that wife’s toil for her family who finds that she is neither appre- ciated nor loved ! Perhaps weakly at best, or even sickly, and in pain, she toils on unrequited, unsustained by one approving smile, one cheering affectionate word, for months and years, trying her best to please and win, but in vain. Give me rather the treadmill than her jaded, spiritless berth. What task as great as hers? What toil as toilsome ? Oh, I pity her from the bottom of my very soul. And there are many such. Ah ! how many ! Nor do even themselves realize all they suffer. And how much affection would lighten their burden ! Would strengthen their muscles by strengthening their resolution. The same woman, sick or well at heart, can do or endure twice as much when loved as unloved. A weakly but loving and beloved woman can do, endure and accomplish more than a strong one unloving and unloved. What wonders that delicate wife nursing her sick husband can go through for love ! How much more do and endure from love than duty merely ! Would that husbands duly appreciated this prin- ciple. Their wives could and would do and endure twice the labor they now do, and with half the wear and tear of constitution. And apply not these principles equally to masculine toil ? THE MERRY DANCE Furnishes the very best illustration of this point. Females dancing alone with only feminine spectators, dance with nothing like the grace or motive perfection they naturally assume when dancing with and be- fore gentlemen. The more so when in love. This renders their motion peculiarly beautiful, almost angelic. To be appreciated it must be seen or felt. It can never be described. And irksome beyond expression this same dance to those whose love has been blasted. Docs awakened love stimulate, disappointed deadens, the whole mus- 3 50 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT cular system. Few seem conscious of its power. Yet probably the memory of most readers will attest the fact, if not the extent, of this power. CIRCULATION AS AFFECTED BY LOYE. Does not the heart throb and leap, and the warm blood rush bound- ing and foaming through every artery and vein, bearing new life and animation into and throughout every organ and fiber of those that love, clear out to the very ends of their little finger-nails even? In- deed, knowing ones can tell, just by feeling the pulse, who are and are not in love. And who have been disappointed. The pulsations of love are hearty and vigorous • whereas those in disappointment are either few, faint, and languid, or else fast and fluttering but weak. Or both by turns, now so slow and weak, the inert life-current crawl- ing snail-like through the relaxed veins, but anon crowding them almost to bursting with its excited palpitations. In love, how warm and glowing hands, feet, flesh, entire person ! But, in disappointment, how cold the hands ! How cold the feet ! How cold the flesh ! How cold the heart ! And hence those figura- tive expressions, broken-hearted, tender-hearted, etc., thus associating love so intimately with the heart. Nor does anything occasion as many colds as disappointment. Nor as many diseases as colds. The paiuful excitement consequent on love withdraws the blood from the limbs and surface, and concen- trates it in the head, induces colds, lung diseases, especially consump- tion, and occasions a world of disease and premature deaths, which a hearty state of love would have prevented. And a revival of love would rebuild dilapidated constitutions by untold thousands, which broken hearts have broken down. Behold the cheek of that blushing maiden in the full tide of re- ciprocated love ! How full of blood ! And that how flush and warm ! In disappointment, that same cheek how pale, bloodless, and flabby ! The full lips quiver in love, and are warm and expressive. In disappointment, are parched and bloodless, wrinkled and inexpressive ! And as of heart so of stomach, liver, viscera, all the other organs and functions of the body proper. SLEEP AS AFFECTED BY LOVE. And is not the sleep of affection so inexpressibly sweet and refresh- ing? But that of disappointment how restless, how tiresome even ! And do not those disappointed lie awake hour after hour, rolling and tossing from side to side upon their heated couch, in a wild delirium of OVER THE PHYSICAL FUNCTIONS. 61 painful, aggravating reminiscences and emotions, till perhaps just at dawn imperfect sleep, mingled with fitful dreams that' render sleep more painful than wakefulness, supervenes to relieve, but not refresh. The eye is peculiarly expressive of the state of love. In love it becomes so large, glowing, open, radiant, and brilliant, so full of soul, so luscious to behold ! As just seen, the optic nerve enters the brain close to Amativeness, and it is this anatomical relation which throws so much love into the eye. Lovers look their love more pathetically, more emphatically than talk it even. But how dead, leaden, down- cast, and shame-faced, how hardened, and defiant the look of disappoint- ment ! The eye so vacant, so glaring, so bewildered, as if looking listless into space ! Or, maybe, fiendish ! THE LAUGH OF LQVE AND DISAPPOINTMENT. The laugh, too, is both sexed, and rendered inexpressibly delightful to laugher and hearer by a state of love. Awakened love renders it so full, so hearty, so merry, so ecstatic, as if the whole soul went with it; both bursting right straight up from the full heart of the laugher, and going down deep into that of hearer. And those in love laugh so much , as well as joyously. Only just analyze the laugh of that well-sexed maiden in love. Well may it intoxicate her lover’s heart, and even turn his head ! But the laugh of disappointed love is so tame, as well as rare, as if forced and affrighted at itself. LOVE BEAUTIFIES ; DISAPPOINTMENT RENDERS HOMELY. All beauty is but the vivid expression of human nature. Physical beauty consists in expressing the physical functions, and mental beauty in a normal expression of the mental faculties, but homeli- ness in their abnormal expression. We are now showing how won- derfully love heightens all the physical functions. Of course it thereby re-increases the beauty inherent in their hearty expression. We shall presently show that it likewise redoubles the action of all the mental faculties, and of course the beauty concomitant on their expression. It also augments beauty, partly by rendering those in- trinsically beautiful the more so, in that it causes those who love to look upon those beloved as more charming and captivating than they really are. That is, it both beautifies all by redoubling alf their func- tions, and by love becoming a magnifying glass to the eye of the lover. Those beloved are always good-looking in the eyes of their lovers, no matter how unmistakably homely to others. While those who are 62 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT hated are homely to the hater, no matter how handsome to others. How beautifully, how perfectly, our subject accounts for the workings of the human soul ! LOVE HEIGHTENS THE EXPRESSIONS OF THE COUNTENANCE. In love the eye is lit up with a brilliant glow, the lips quiver with the playful smile, the mouth shows intense emotion, the cheeks are adorned with a flush more captivating than earthly pencilings can imitate. All the facial lines are drawn upward , and the whole soul — and that soul is rendered angelic by love — struggles for facial ex- pression. But in disappointment, all the lines are drawn downward. A sad, melancholy look has superseded that animated smile, and ren- dered the face a comparative blank. All is now so ashy pale, so careworn, so leaden, so disconsolate, as if every friend were dead, and death a boon ! Look on this face, and then on that ! 10. LOVE EQUALLY AFFECTS THE INTONATIONS. Not only is every vocal utterance sexed , 4 but inexpressibly improved by a state of love, and deteriorated by a state of disappointment. Each mental faculty has its special vocal expression. But love most of all. Thus, as if there were praying in a room on# the right, and swearing in one on the left, it might be told which company swore and which worshiped, just from their intonations merely ; so let animated conversation be transpiring in another, so that I may hear their intonations plainly, though I may not hear one word said, I will predicate correctly the existing states of the affections of each. As Combativeness chops its words off short, and leaves them rough and ragged * as Veneration prolongs and solemnizes, so Amativeness softens and sweetens the intonations, and renders them inexpressibly tender and touching, emotional and thrilling. As the love laugh is merry and most ecstatic, so the love tones are most charming and inviting. Nor is any speaker fit to address an audience till his voice has been attuned by love. Nor unless happy in that love. In an af- fectionate mood, his voice becomes so soothing and melodious that it wins its way at once to the hearts of his hearers, and thereby pene- trates their heads. But in disappointment, it grates harshly, and repels both head and heart. His style and manner indicate hate. He seems as if pounding his ideas into his hearers, whang bang, as with a sledge-hammer. Bat the voice of those that break down under disappointment is most plaintive and woe-begone, as if it came from nowhere, and meant nothing, and the whole being were crushed. But that of those who fight against this crushing influence is sharp and AS AFFECTING THE INTONATIONS. 53 shrill, husky, grating, startling, and full of twang and bitterness — the twang of the scold — -grating harshly on ears polite. An anecdote : A gentleman in the cars one morning remarked, that day had dawned — a remark no way calculated to proclaim his disap- pointment. But catching the fact from his tones, I inquired — “ Pray, sir, will you allow a stranger to ask rather a strange ques- tion ? 77 “ Oh, no harm in the asking, surely , 77 he politely replied. “ Then, sir, have you not recently been sadly disappointed in love ? 77 “Why, who told you, sir ? 77 he answered, startled and surprised, “for here I am right through on the cars from the South, where, teaching, I formed a strong attachment to a young lady whose social position precludes all possibility of our marriage. But, who did tell you ? — for I was not aware that any other live mortal knew it but her and myself . 77 “ Your vocal intonations told me , 77 I replied ) and proceeded to show from his last tones, the softness and sweetness of elicited love, along with shadings of sadness, which signified its recent disappointment. “ Then can not I learn to read these love tones ? 77 “ To be sure, you can . 77 “ Then how : pray ? 77 First go back to those halcyon days of your own ardent, tender love. Recall those thoughts that breathed and words that burned with love. Were they not low and soft? And how melting and tender ! You listened, spell-bound. As love rises, the voice falls. Who talks loudly, does not love. For the more intense the love, the lower its vocal utterance. So that poets use the figure “ whispering , 77 as expressive of the most intense affection. But as this sentiment rises still higher, words beggar description, and the voice falls so far below its full expression as to cease altogether, while lovers breath out their mutual affections by a peculiarity of exhalation better ob- served than described, so utterly insignificant is the voice to express the deepest, tenderest emotions of love. But the voice of w r ell-sexed woman — the highest terrestrial example of these love tones — was it not pitched on a key an octave higher than man’s for the very purpose of expressing this love the better? Her vocal expression is far more charming than that of man, bcause she is more loving than he. And if her affections were fully called out and perfected from the cradle onward, our whole air would reverberate "with intonations, in conversation, in song, infinitely sweet and touch- ing, and far above anything we now witness. Would that husbands and fathers but understood this point, and would develop this perfect- 54 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. ing feature in their wives and daughters, by rendering them perfectly happy in love. Let another anecdote both re-enforce this point, and add another. 11. FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS LOVING EACH OTHER. A couple of ladies calling on me professionally, I observed in one of them just one of the very finest love intonations 1 had ever listened to — and my ear is quick to catch and analyze these notes. Finding Amativeness large, and all the indices of sexuality unusually appa- rent, I described her as passionately fond of her father, and, if mar- ried, of her husband, using those very strong expressions I sometimes employ. On receiving her description, she remarked with peculiar emphasis — “ In one part of your description you were singularly felicitous — my devotion to my father. For I do not believe daughter ever lived that loved father as I love mine. And always have. Nor would any- thing have tempted me to leave him, but that 1 love my husband still more. And now my whole soul is perfectly wrapped up in devoted affection for both.” This affection was one cause of her fine feminine voice, and also form, manners, everything. The love element is born in us and with us, and forms as integral a part of our being as appetite or reason. 4 And must therefore be exercised as much as they. Or else starve. All functions must either act or die. Nor is anything as fatal to any phys- ical or mental function as inertia. Let a hand be slung up for a year, and how dwarfed and enfeebled it becomes ! All for want of action. Much more if this inaction continues from the cradle. And perfectly illustrated in every unused limb. So the love element, unexercised, must die out of mere inanition. Action is a law of organism, of na- ture. And this love faculty being born in us, and forming an integral part and parcel of us, 4 must either be exercised, or starve. And a prac- tical unsexing ensue. And exercised toward the other sex. As Alimentiveness can be exercised only in reference to food : Causality, to causes ; Ideality, to beauty ; and thus of all the other faculties, so Amativeness has its express object. And that object is the opposite sex. And nothing else. Of course every female in exercising it must love some mascu- line. And all masculines some feminine. And what masculine can a daughter love as appropriately as her father ? Between them there is hardly a possibility of its -wrong exercise. No matter how great its right exercise. She needs some one to love all the way along up from infancy, through childhood and womanhood, down to her grave. FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS. 65 Her father should be her first love — should awaken and nurture this love element till old enough to be transferred to a husband. Nor will any girl who loves and is beloved by her father elope, or form a premature attachment, or indiscreet marriage. Give this faculty r? food, and it must either starve, or burst forth on some, any, objec Likely the first that ofiers. And hence such a daughter is far more exposed to both temptation, and to runaway matches, as well as to li fall in love” far younger, than if this element but had a permanent resting-place. And is far more likely to be hearty when settled. A girl who loves her father, comes to love the masculine. She looks up to him, confides in him, idolizes him, considers him infallible, and hence comes to place the highest estimate on the male sex. And is therefore prepared to become thoroughly enamored, and completely devoted to husband. And this is a right exercise of the sexuality, which always, and in the very nature of things, improves. We talk about mental discipline — the necessity of disciplining the intellect and memory, etc., while young. All right. But pray, does not the love element need discipline as much as Causality? And as the mind would become dull, memory blunt, and intellect obtuse, by their inert, undisciplined state during growth, why not the sexuality equally ? As studying strengthens, improves the mind, so loving strengthens, improves this love element. And fits it for a higher grade of matrimonial action throughout life . 5 Whereas its dormancy during girlhood induces still greater sluggishness through life. And this renders her a poor wife . 5 The mistake is great, is even fatal — * that this element must remain dormant till elicited by marriage. Could the body allow the heart to lie inert till twenty, or endure a like inertia of lungs or muscles ? Is not action necessary to their strength ? And that of each necessary to that of all ? And does not this law apply equally to mind? It does. Leave Causality, Lan- guage, Conscience, unexercised up to twenty, and how much think you they would evince after ? And does not this law apply equally to all the mental faculties ? And, of course, to Amativeness ? If not, why not? It does. Nor is any error in society greater than its attempted suppression in our girls. For it leaves them barren of this element — barren in the sexuality, and all the human virtues love en- hances, all the powers it wields over human life. 3 4 5 — Section II. And this accounts in a great degree for our having so many poor wives, and homely women. What but masculine character gives mas- culine form ? And what but feminine soul occasions feminine con- figuration ? 4 And loving the opposite sex develops the figure peculiar 56 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. to each sex . 4 The more a man exercises the masculine qualities, the more they mold and fashion him after the manly model. The mental obviously controls the physical, not the physical the mental — the sexuality included. Hence, in proportion as a female is well sexed, will she be beautiful as a female. Nothing but her sex confers this beauty. And so of mind. Of course, if a girl grows up in a hearty exercise of this sentiment, she becomes the more beautiful, because the more a woman. Stifle, starve this faculty by denying it its food, and you spoil the figure. But feeding this sentiment by its proper exercise, develops both it, and its corroborating signs, shape included, as well as the mental characteristics of the feminine. Or thus : Womanly character gives womanly form. This character, and there- fore form, are increased by exercise. On what can it be exercised but in loving some masculine ? In what else does it consist ? Of course, the more it loves properly, the more it grows. And evinces this growth in feminine figure. The woman above described was a beau ideal of her sex in manners, vocality, form, and spirit. How came she thus? Doubtless well sexed by hereditary endowment — a most im- portant prerequisite — she had added thereto by having loved her father all the way along up from girlhood to womanhood. And with pas- sionate, doting fondness. Between the two the most perfect affection had existed uninterruptedly from the cradle. Loving him thus enthu- siastically had developed her womanly sentiment. And this her physical form, and female charms. Nor can any girl grow up to beauty or loveliness without loving, and being beloved. Please, reader, duly consider the principle which underlies this doctrine, namely, that all masculine and feminine forms, and bodily and mental qualities, grow out of, are consequent on. consist in, this sexuality. That this element is born in, and forms an integral part of, every living soul . 4 That it strong or weak, all these qualities — manners, voice, form, etc. — are correspondingly strong or weak. That increasing this element by exercise, increases all. That therefore every boy, in order to become a man, must have this faculty fed by its appropriate aliment all the way along up from boyhood to manhood — the grave. And thus of every girl. And that aliment is the other sex. And her father its best object. Her love for him is naturally pure and deep, inex- pressibly so. And its exercise adorns her. And infinitely the most beautiful ornaments in which it is given to her to array herself, are these wreaths of love. And the jewels of atfection shine how far more beautifully than burnished gold ! How her eyes glow and sparkle, more brilliantly than diamonds, when lit up by affection ! And how incongruous to attempt to array girls in gaudy or costly silks FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS. 57 or embroidery, as a means of rendering them taking, attractive, and yet at the same time deform them, by choking out their womanly affec- tions. Less ribbons and more love would render them inexpressibly the more captivating and lovely. And cost far less. But be far better. Would that all fathers but adorned their daughters far more with love, and far less with dry-goods ! Once more. And almost appalling. Nearly all girls show more and more of these feminine charms, grow more and more beautiful, all along up to “ sweet sixteen 57 or nineteen * when they begin to fail, fade in color and expression, lose their beauty of form, and especially winning motion and grace, and settle back into a sort of neuter gender state. They may indeed have enough femininity remaining to gain the love of a future companion, but not sufficient to retain it. Minor things, which would not shake their love if it were hearty, now come in to breed alienations. When this element is weak it is easily alienated. Not so when strong. 5 Hence its exercise during girlhood renders them every way better wives, and promotes subsequent conjugal affection, besides forestalling those discords for which not loving their father now paves the way. 1 pity our girls. Kept at arm’s-length from their father, shut up within heated boarding- school walls, denied masculine society and correspondence, unless supervised, their sexuality weakened by inertia, and their constitu- tions also impaired by fashionable usages, they become almost things. This feminine withering between sixteen and twenty is really appall- ing ! And should be arrested, by ascertaining and obviating its causes . I have pointed out its chief cause — the starvation of the love element. And point out the remedy — its proper exercise in and by right attachment between father and daughter. Fathers, are you ever severe toward your daughters? Never allow another sharp word to pass from your henceforth hallowed lips to their sensitive ears. Let only tones, looks, and actions, as well as words of affection , be interchanged between you. Say to yourself : u I have scolded my daughters for the last time. God seal my lips if I ever utter another rebuke ! Would to God I never had rebuked, chastised ! ;? And sur- prising indeed, as most delightful, will be the change wrought by this change of tactics. Be it that they have faults, however many or great. Blaming them only and always necessarily hardens, aggra- vates, and renders worse. Never better. This is not the way to obviate their faults. But once try this love experiment. Just o ce enkindle within your own soul that doting fondness wiih which every father should regard his daughters as they grow along up from child- hood, and especially blossom out into womanhood, and you will 3 * 58 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. il bless the Lord ,J for this book. So will your daughters. In durance vile, under orders, restive, with none to sympathize in their joys and sorrows, unloving, unloved, they grow up comparatively awkward, ungenteel, uninteresting, perhaps repulsive, because unsexed, instead of charming. And peevish, instead of lively. And unloving, because unloved. And comparatively neuter gender, instead of well-sexed women. Revolutionize your manners toward them. As soon as tall enough to reach your arm, gallant them wherever they wish to go. And do it up in real genteel masculine style. So tenderly, con- siderately, lovingly ! And how their bright eyes will glisten ! And warm hearts glow ! And light steps lighten ! And bounding pulse rebound ! And enraptured souls literally leap for joy, by virtue of that vivifying power wielded by active love ! Sec. II. Reciprocate the affectionate kiss when they or you retire or rise, go out or come in — from the cradle all the way up to marriage. After marriage, even. Think you this freedom improper ? Then, you are improper. In nothing else consists its impropriety. If you think it improper, it is so to you. Yet not at all because of any inherent impropriety, but solely because your feelings are improper. We occasionally see a little girl so very fond of father — waiting, watchful at the window, wistful for his return. How she dances and claps her hands, shouts even, when he appears in sight, exclaim- ing, u Oh, there comes my pa V 7 She springs to the door. It bursts open as by magic ! She bounds to the gate. It flies back at the first quick touch. Up go her clasping hands. Arms outstretched. Face all in a glow. Eyes on fire. Burning kisses on her warm lips. He tosses her into his arms. Convulsively she clasps his willing neck. And kiss follows kiss in quick, sharp succession — so loud, so hearty, so free. Impurity there ? Then are angels impure. He doffs his sedate business dignity, plays as child with child, as boy with girl, till he, well exhausted, she tired. They sit. She clambers on his lap, pats his cheek — real love-pats, too. Runs her fingers through his hair. Real love-touches these. Twists his vhiskers, hair, into scores of fantastic forms. Look at the two as lovers, besides as parent and child, and you will see our meaning lived out. Would to God every father and daughter lived thus ! How relaxing and healthful to him ! And how much more business he can transact in conse- quence ! How developing to her ! For every exercise of love to u her pa‘ ? develops the woman in her. Paints her rosy cheek in more than rosy redness. Animates her muscles, and improves them. Pro- motes digestion, sleep — and she can sleep well only with her arms round his neck. Bedecks her with the natural language of love, that FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS. 59 is, with womanliness — both one. And perfects her female form. Beautifies her neck and arms. Expands her chest. In short, ripens her gradually but surely into perfect womanhood. Nor can she be ripened except by loving some masculine. Nor love any as well, as properly, as him. It is as necessary to womanly development as food to muscular, as study to intellectual — a sine qua non. And shall these reciprocities diminish as she approaches, enters womanhood ? Shall they not increase , rather ? If not, why not ? As she becomes the more attractive, why not also he the more admir- ing, doting? This sentiment is natural. Right. God-ordained. Then why not mutually express this true human instinct ? It was not created to u waste its sweetness on the desert air, 5J but to be manifested between each other. Instead, how many fathers draw the curb bit on the tender mouths of their daughters, and check, spoil all youthful exuberance ! Long- faced and stern when they come in. Fault-finding all the time they are in. Every word harsh and grating. Every sentence an an g w chide. Positive, authoritative, imperative edicts and continual blam make up their sum total of intercourse with each other. They rejoice at his exit. They dread his return. Their only peace in his absence ! Poor, wretched girls ! Almost better without a father ! The cold charities of a heartless world and fierce struggles for self-support, were preferable ! Their whole after-life so soured, so deadened, by this mode of family government. Poor wives at best. Their hus- bands unhappy, of course. Their uncultivated, and therefore weak, affections fasten but lightly, tamely, so that little things now alienate. And their life worse than a blank. Whereas, had he enlisted this love element, it would have fastened so much more heartily as to have precluded alienation . 5 And every girl proclaims, always and everywhere, by her awkward or graceful manners, her inviting or repelling style, her gentility, or the want of it, whether thus brought up to love father or not. Years ago, examining a really superior female head, very high and long on top, as well as large at Ideality, and describing her accord- ingly, she replied : u I am conscious of possessing, by nature , all the excellences you ascribe to me. But why do not gentlemen discern them, and take to me? They do not. Instead, they soon tire in conversation, and neglect me for other ladies. Of beaux I have next to none. Nor any long. Other ladies, far less talented and educated than I, and with features far less classical than mine, awaken a real enthusiasm in gentlemen, whereas I seem to chill them. And often unconsciously 60 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. to disgust. And sometimes even to offend. But can not help it. I like gentlemen’s society, and should like to marry. Why do I always unwittingly repel, hut never attract ? And fail most when I try hardest ?” u You were brought up, madam, at arm’s-length from your father, and deprived of the society of gentlemen. Your love sentiment has thus become, from pure starvation, quite like a dyspeptic’s stomach — craving, yet qualmish. It both sickens of, and is sickened by, w r hat it hankers after. Sour itself, it turns its natural aliment into a sour state. You resemble a hungry child, fretful because hungry, yet, on sitting down to the table, finds fault with its food, not because not good enough, but because of its sickening mood.” u Then — and this is the most important — must I always remain thus ? Is there any remedy ?” 11 There is. It was induced by the starved, and thereby inverted, state of the love element. And can be obviated by its proper exercise, just as the daintiness of the hungry child by eating. Your mode of approaching gentlemen, and your forlorn, w’oe-begone, sorrowful cast of manners to them, partly reproves them for not paying you more attention, and partly implies, and confesses practically, that you are not worthy of it • w r hile you wither and pine under the hungerings of one of the human elements.” l: Then what shall I do ?” u Sweeten up. Make love to your father. Turn coquette. Espe- cially as there is little danger of your breaking any hearts.” 12. MOTHERS LOVING THEIR SONS, AND SONS MOTHERS. And apply not these principles equally between mother and son ? Matrons, read over all thus far said about fathers and daughters, changing mother for father, and son for daughter, and you both have the principles involved, and are told how to comport yourselves toward your sons. This love element is born as much in sons as daughters . 4 And requires exercise as much . 11 And exercise tow T ard the female sex. And on what female as appropriately as his mother ? Her love to him is naturally pure and deep. Inexpressibly so. What true mother can depict the intensity of her love for her son ? And his being loved by a female naturally calls out his love in response. And this enhances his manliness of body, of mind. Nor can any boy become a fully developed man wfithout love for his morher, or some female who fills her place. It is a first ordinance of nature that both mother and sons should love each other. And beneficial to both. Say, ye mature matrons, blessed with sons of different ages growing up to MOTHERS AND SONS. 61 manhood, how feel ye toward them ? Do ye not exult in view of their developing manliness ? Feel ye no love analogous to that you once felt toward their father, if you loved him truly, rising up and swelling within your maternal bosom ? Besides loving them as your children, do ye not also love them as masculines ? And with a cast of love very different from the love felt toward your daughters ? Young men, old men, feel ye no sentiment of love toward your mother as a woman ? And very different from that felt toward your father ? Most powerful, even magical, the influence wielded by mothers, dead or alive, over sons. The religious world properly acknowledges, describes this maternal influence. Yet, understand they its base, namely, that he is a male and she a female , and that they love each other as such? Various conditions prevent its taking on a wrong form in either. It assumes that highly elevated tone which should actuate all males and females toward each other, and especially husbands and wives. But it has the sexuality, and of course Amativeness, for its base, as much as reason Causality. Else, only the same feeling could exist between mother and sons as between mother and daughters, namely, merely parental. Whereas not only does this parental feeling exist, but another is superadded — that of the male and female toward each other ) both feeling tow r ard each a cast of emotion which can exist only between those of opposite sexes. Say, ye mothers who love your sons, have I struck a chord which vibrates throughout your own souls? And away down deeper than all others ? Would to God it were deeper yet ! Nature implanted it. It is pure as the love of angels. It is an indispensable food of the human soul. No son without it can possibly become as complete a man as with it. He who has it, besides growing up the more manly in spirit and form, is thereby spell-bound from evil and to good. Especially if his mother is a good woman. She magnetizes him. Her spirit infuses itself through his, and sanctifies and controls it. Especially when he would do evil, her good spirit is ever present with him. Be he tossing on the briny deep, or cast on savage shores ; be he even in Californian gambling-hells — the very most damnable pests on earth — be he exposed to temptations however enticing, the ever-present spirit of his mother — the more so if she is sainted, whispers to his heart, " No, my loved son / 7 and he refrains. And whoever yields himself to vice in any of its forms did not rightly love his mother when growing up. If mothers but wielded all the powers vested in them by this mother-and-son sentiment, not a youth would stray from the paths of virtue anywiiere, or at any time. Nor a middle-aged man give himself up to iniquity. Nor a hoary-headed 62 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. reprobate disgrace humanity. It is for woman , by virtue of this love element, to win all masculine hearts to virtue and purity. The mother her boy and grown-up son, till he is old enough to trans- fer his love to wife, actual or prospective, who then becomes his guardian angel. Transfer, did I say ? Never. If he had loved u seven wives, could he not love mother also ? And the more wife because mother. And mother because wife. For loving her only develops this love element, so that he appreciates — the first stepping-stone of love — the female character. And loves wife the better for loving mother. Hence, show me the son who loves or provides for mother, and I will show you the husband who loves and provides for wife and children. This sign is infallible. It has its cause, namely, loving mother develops that sexuality from which love of wife emanates . 6 Such a man can and will live peaceably with almost any wife, how- ever poor or cross-grained. Whereas, if he has not loved his mother, he will not have had his love sentiment, appetite, relish , for female characteristics developed, and be liable to make a poor husband. He will, too, grow up uncouth, distant, old-bachelorish, cold-hearted. And his love element vulgarized , sensualized. Not so he who loves his mother. In him it will be pure, because directed toward the female mentality . And this will restrain him from both sensuality, and all other forms of vice, by planting at the very rootlets of his being, and developing along pari passu with it, the sentiment of love in purity. The power mothers can thus wield over their sons is boundless, is absolute. And lasts till that of the wife is superadded to that of the mother. And both combined can be wielded so effec- tually as to resist, in any and every man, any and all forms of vice and grossness — drinking, swearing, gambling, licentiousness in all its forms, personal as well as conjugal — smoking and chewing included. And restrain, by putting them on a plane too pure, too high to de- scend to either vices or improprieties. That some mothers wield all this power, is a matter of experiment and observation. Then, could not all ? And as those who wield even the most of it hardly begin to wield a tithe as much as this element is capable of: all mothers could wield more than any mothers now do. As a moral power, but a mere moiety of the amount possible to be wielded is actually exerted. If mothers but felt all the love for their sons of which their own souls are capable— and it is inexpressibly great — and then so manifested it as to take hold of and rouse this love sentiment in their sons, they could thereby sanctify every boy, yonth, man, to virtue, purity, truth. And these virtues would grow with their growth, so that all men would become good. MOTHERS AND SONS. G3 Come, mothers, sons, consider, answer — am I overdrawing the power of this element, provided all its natural power were exercised ? Is it not absolute, boundless ? But our mothers come infinitely short of this exalted standard. Let our fast American youth attest how far. We will not soil these pages by depicting the grossness, sensualities, and desperate wicked- ness of too many 11 Young Americas,” especially in our cities. And how very fast a boy this u Young America” is ! How many maternal hearts, blind to half their faults, and most of the others half con- cealed, yet sigh and break over even the moiety they do see ! And how many others, treated contemptuously, called u old 'women,” or names much worse, humbled, heart-broken, ashamed to own their own sons, are eking out a miserable existence, pining over their lost, ruined sons, and glad to follow them to their graves ! Yet deserved all. Such punishment — no punishment — is meted out, except when, and to whom , deserved. For nature is infinitely just. Yet infinitely retributory. Who sins shall suffer. And suffer in the direct line of the sin . 2 She •who suffers in and on account of a son, does so only because she has sinned in and by that son. The sufferer is always the sinner. And sinner sufferer. Nature is not so unjust as to call those to suffer who have not sinned. Nor in any other form than that consequent on the sin. This truth is universal — is but a self-evident inference from nature’s laws of cause and effect . 2 “ But, what have I done, or left undone, that this my son thus crushes his poor mother’s heart ?” You have not duly loved him. u But indeed I have. How I watched round his sick bed ! How fervently I prayed for and with him by night, and chided him by day ! How I punished him !” Ah ! there it is. You “ chided,” and this alienated him, and broke the maternal spell. You “ punished,” and this embittered. His proud spirit revolted from the disgrace of chastisement. This steeled him against you and your prayers. He pants for the time to come 'when he can break away, a,t one tear, and rid himself forever of your eternal checking, chiding, whipping. No mother who ever chides, or scolds, or chastises a son, can ever expect to gain or retain his love. Blame is a fatal antidote to love . 20 No mother ought ever to breathe one word of censure or even blame to her son. Nor any male to female. Nor female to male. This is not the way, the means, by which the sexes should influence each other. That way is by love only. Pure, simple, gushing love. This alone begets love in return. And this love gives you that power you 64 POWER OF TI1E LOVE ELEMENT. desire, require. And all chiding weakens it. Reproof is a fatal error of mothers. They love, yet chide. Often chastising. Indeed, chide, chastise because they love. Yet it hardens and snaps asunder those silken cords of affection by which alone it is given to the female to influence the male. He hates in place of loving. And rebels because he hates. u Then, what shall I do ? 77 Love him from the cradle. And naught but love. And he will grow up in love with and for you. And this will render your power over him complete, ubiquitous, eternal. Every mother, at the birth of every son, should literally exult as did Eve: “ Behold, I have gotten me a man-child from the Lord / 7 Her full soul should overflow with love every time she thinks of her boy babe. Every time she looks into his innocent face. Every time he draws life material from her lacteal fountains. Every time she bestows on him even the least care, kindness. Holy, angelic, should he be in her eyes. Soft should be her every touch, and winning every accent. And if she feels thus, he will draw from her along with his nutrition a spiritual lactation and a magnetic current which will bind him indissolubly to her with bonds which only maternal* unkindness can sever. And as, day by day, he grows up more and more a little man, she should exult more and more. Love more and more. Hold him in her lap, and fold him to her heaving bosom till he becomes a great, strapping boy. Should often run her fond fingers through his willing locks. Should smooth his hair, not pull it. Should pat his cheek, not box his ears. Should say soft and loving things, not reproach, much less scold. Should wait on him at table, so tenderly : “ My son, dear, to what can your mother help you ? Oh ! here is a dainty bit of what I know you love. Let me give it you . 77 Should cook what she knows he likes. Should pamper his appetite.* And pursue the indulgent course, from the cradle upward. u But this is in direct collision with my ideas of education and government. I thought children should b e, restrained, not indulged; made to mind , not encouraged to rule, especially mothers , 77 We will not here discuss this question. It will take us from our direct subject — how a mother should treat her sons. Our third Book will treat thoroughly the true mode of governing children. And on first principles. This mother-and-son and father-and-daughter doc- * This might seem to clash with dietetic rules and restraining Alimentiveness ; but it does not. If appetite is unperverted— and it will be if she feeds them right — it will love best that which is best. But, if perverted, this pampering involves the true mode of cure. See Book III., the Section on the Feeding of Children. MOTHERS AND SONS. 65 trine strengthening that, and that this. Meanwhile, I appeal to the innermost recesses of your being if it is not the true maternal senti- ment and treatment. I appeal whether the feelings between mothers and sons should not be on a plane infinitely above chastisement, or even chiding. Affection and chastisement are incompatible with, and fatal to, each other. Natural antagonisms. Only affection can ever beget affection. And thus secure obedience. Goodness can never be beaten into, nor badness out of, humanity. They must be molded in and out. Not driven. Mothers, just try this pure love principle. “But Mrs. A. and B. have tried it to perfection. They indulged their children in every little whim, and thereby spoiled them. In- dulgence has only made them still more impudent, imperious. They order her about as if their lackey. Facts, especially in high life, refute your argument . 57 Mark this difference : A son desires to eat, do, hear, w r hat is mani- festly injurious. Let his mother show him that , and why it is in- jurious, and thus change his will , so that he ivonH want it. This is the mothers art of art, and son 7 s great salvation. By showing him that it will sicken or injure him, she arrays his self-love against desire, and kills it. These indulgent mothers have loved and indulged blindly , without commingling intellect, justice, or firmness with love. Such indulgence curses both. “ My son, this, that will injure you; because of this, that. Your mother loves you dearly — too well to hurt you, or let you hurt yourself , 77 is the true governmental spirit. When son duly loves mother, he does all she wishes. She becomes his light, his gospel. She is infallible. “ She always knows and does just right P Love gushes in his confiding eyes. He obeys from love mingled with confidence “ Mother knows, of course she does. What she says must be so . 77 This feeling established, and it is easy to establish yourself perfectly in his confidence, and never one occasion for chiding, or even authority, will ever arise. Few mothers know how, or even try, to establish themselves thus in their sons 7 confidence. Yet this is the very art of all arts in governing children — especially sons by mother. This is the alpha and omega — the middle and both ends — the body and soul of all parental management of children — espe- cially of mothers and sons, of fathers and daughters. This alone is what restrains tempted youth, as shown above. Yet how few mothers ever try it ! First, because their nerves are disordered, or their love toward husband reversed, or a thousand other causes, they chide their innocent sons for things perfectly innocent, perfectly right, thereby hardening and alienating them. Compelled thus to see that mother 66 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. is wrong, they thereby become hardened and alienated. And now all power over them is lost. The rampant horse on the run, but the Lines broken ! Only love him as you once loved — should have loved — his father, and draw out his love on you. As a sweetheart mother wait on him. Tell him how to wait on you as your beau. Elicit his affections as the true female will involuntarily know how to awaken masculine affection, and all the molding power I have ascribed to mother, and even far more, is in your hands. Kiss and caress him often, when he retires and rises, goes out and comes in, and receive his affectionate embraces in return. And allow him to fondle you, and throw his convulsed arms around your willing neck. In his absence write real love-letters to him — you ought to know how — and thereby draw forth long, loving epistles in response. In short, follow your natural instincts. They are right. Or thus : Mr. S. said to me : u Professor, you really must visit my family professionally before leaving town.” “Sir, I never leave my office. Then people know just where to find me.” “ But you can leave half an hour before car time, the day of your departure.” “ I can and will do that, sir.” While delineating his character, his wife, one of her eleven-year- old sons coming in, patted the sofa coquettishly, saying, in action : “ Come, my son, take this seat by your fond mother.” He gladly accepted the love proffer, and slipped, bashfully, yet smilingly, into the proffered seat. Presently, another nine-year-old son coming in, she patted the sofa on the other side, winningly inviting him also to sit by his mother’s side. He too accepted. Presently, she had thrown one arm around one son, and the other arm around the other son, and snugged each by turns close to her, thus hugging them fondly. Presently, one hand had found its way to the golden locks of one son, and the other to the curly ringlets of the other, running her magnetic fingers through their silken hair. And now she bends her warm lips down to the one, then * to the other, impressing the fond kiss of a mother’s doting love now on this, then on that, and in like ways courting up the affections of her boys by freely expressing her own. These boys ever sin ? Never. Neither in this world, nor the next. This mother impure, too free ? Then are angels’ loves impure. The holiest emotions known on earth thus nurtured. Of my own sainted mother I remember distinctly but two things — laying my head back in her open lap while she kissed, caressed, and MOTHERS AND SONS. 67 fondled me * the other her death. Both indelible. And the magic power of that fondling remains with me to-day. It has acted as a spell all the way along up through life, growing with my growth, and strengthening by time. Thank God for that love play-spell ! Nor is there any telling what it did by way of molding and restrain- ing me. Even now I feel its sacred spell. And sons, write every week to your mother, as long as she lives. And if dead, consecrate one hour every week to contemplating her sainted memory, in reflecting on her virtues and counsels, and re- resolving to practice them. If you have not time week-days, take some evening now devoted to other pleasures or affections. No meet- ing, no society will be equally serviceable. Or if you really do not consecrate a particular hour of a particular day or evening, consecrate a given Sabbath hour, say after dinner, before breakfast or tea. To a holier work you can never devote even a Sabbath hour. And communi- cate freely. Tell her all about yourself. Ask her advice. And when you feel that you must have a wife as well as mother to love, consult her first. And ponder well all the advice she gives you. For her experience will be of inestimable service. Nor shun, but court the society of lady-like, matronly women — as it were aunts. Talk with them freely on all subjects. Elicit their counsels, and conform to them. Nor should they be too extra prudish, nor their husbands too jealous, to give these counsels or wield this influence. But most matrons are too squeamish to express what they feel. Say, is to experience these maternal yearnings right ? What mother but feels them? And those most who are best, purest, highest. It is right. Is an eternal ordinance of nature. Then, is it not right to express what it is right to feel? And express, not coyly, nor shamefacedly, nor half-suppressed — the very suppression implying self-rebuke — but right out, freely, fully, frankly, naturally, whole- heartedly. Imagine how the purest, highest order of mothers should feel and act toward their sons, and feel and act accordingly. The plain fact is this: It is sheer prudery, squeamishness, which interdicts the expression of this maternal sentiment, as if it were improper. This suppresses the manifestation of maternal love, and thereby prevents the mother from drawing out this masculo-filial sentiment of her son. Hence, when old enough not to fear her, he is left absolutely unrestrained. And at the very time when he needs this restraint the most. Fathers, parents, especially those above forty — and do the old or the young know most, feel truest, respecting these things? — are these 68 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. things so ? If so, are they not fundamental, and most momentous ? Please consider, and act accordingly. 13 . BROTHERS AND SISTERS, BOYS AND GIRLS, AND YOUNG PEOPLE. These principles apply equally to brothers and sisters. Beautiful indeed is that hereditary law by which their number is about equal in most families. A blessing to both parents, because it gives fathers daughters to love, and mothers sons. A blessing also to their chil- dren, because it furnishes brothers sisters to love, and sisters brothers. And they need it, each for his, her, own sake. As every adult re- quires to love some female mate, every son his mother, and daughter father, etc., so every boy must needs have some girl-mate of about his own age. And every girl her boy. And who as proper as young brother and sister? Eating together at the same table, loving the same parents, engaged in the same sports and labors, sitting round the same fireside, and naturally coming in constant contact, they thus naturally come to love each other. The more so, because hereditarily so much alike — both resembling the same common parents. And that brother who grows up to love his sister is sure to become a good hus- band. So that sister who loves, cares for, her brother, will most assuredly make a good wife. Because the love element is strength- ened by use. And every sister needs a brother to wait on her to church, singing-school, party, amusements — to protect and advise, to talk and sympathize with her. Every boy, too, needs a sister, with whom to practice gallantry, that he may know how to treat a pro- spective wife. To be pitied, that girl who has no brother, that boy who has no sister. They can never grow up to be as perfect men and women without mingling with the other sex of about their own age, as with. And brother and sister are so infinitely better adapted to companionship than others. If a boy grows up to love a girl as he may and should his sister, he comes to love too well for this love to be interrupted without injury. (Sec. II.) Yet he may continue to love this sister always and everywhere. And to see brother and sister growing up in affectionate fondness — gentle, considerate, each vying in kindness — what sight more lovely, more promising ! How could he possibly become bad ? Or could she fall ? No. Neither. A sister’s love, next to his mother’s, is his salvation. And both united, guarantee his growing up virtuous and good. And his influence over sister is quite as beneficial and necessary to her as hers to him. Both indispensable to each other. Both guardians over each other. Naturally mutual beneficiaries. Sitting one day at dinner, as the waiter was passing some colored BOYS, GIRLS, AND YOUNG PEOPLE. 69 confectionery along down the table on a flat glass server, the eye of a bright, happy, rosy-cheeked boy of four summers, sitting on my left, caught a glimpse of a colored candy heart. I saw his bright eye glisten, his whole frame wrought up by emotion, till, rising in his chair, with one hand balancing him on the table, and the other raised, no sooner did the confectionery come within reach, than grasp- ing this colored heart, and holding it aloft, he exclaimed, in exulting triumph, u I am going to carry this to my little sister.” Why, it seemed as if every drop of blood in my veins leaped for joy, to see this little boy so true to primeval human nature. And to so glowing an extent. And I had observed, the day before, as they were playing together lovingly in the hall, a great Newfoundland dog coming in, she caught up her brother, being two years older, and hurrying him into the corner, stood crouching between him and the dog, his protector, as well as nurse and playmate. Let but this spirit obtain between brothers and sisters, and they will grow up always virtuous, and per- fectly happy in wedlock. Parents, will you not do your utmost to establish this true brotherly and sisterly feeling and treatment be- tween your children ? To boys and girls in general these same principles apply with equal force. A boy brought up without the society of girls is so gruff and coarse, so gross and rude. And girls brought up without boys are so unbecoming, verdant. Girls polish boys. Boys beautify girls. Let them meet as perfect strangers, and how soon they involuntarily ap- proach each other, bashfully, but wistfully, smile pleasantly, become acquainted, persuaded at once to play, and that so prettily, because lovingly — another phase of this sexuality. Not so boy with boys. The latter fall out, the former harmonize. And how many, indeed, do not all. boys prefer girl-playmates ? And girls boys ? This is their nature. And it is right. Is but the normal, proper manifesta- tion of Amativeness. And how often, too, they talk of their sweet- hearts ! And how bashfully, yet proudly, they appear, when joked about each other ! A six-year-old boy, in Quincy, Illinois, when he meets a right pretty girl, steps directly in front of her, makes a pleas- ant, genteel bow, kisses her, and passes on. But when boys and girls get to be about eight or ten years old, they are laughed out of this, the natural exercise of Amativeness. And this damming it up in its right flow, turns it into wrong chan- nels, which causes all sensuality, personal and promiscuous, the over- flowings of which do irreparable damage to humanity, carrying away the very land-marks and flood-gates of virtue and moral- ity ; whereas, if allowed to flow on in this, its normal channel, it 70 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. would irrigate, purify, and bless every function of humanity through life. And since they should play together, should they not also study together? What says this law of mind and human nature to boys’ schools, and colleges for young men alone, and to female seminaries ? That all are wrong. That the sexes should not be separated in education any more than in the family. The presence of boys won- derfully inspirits girls to study and behave in their very best style. Nor can any other incentive supply its place. Away with these educational nunneries ! They stifle and pervert. And their gradu- ates — almost convicts — are awkward, rude, trifling, unfeminine ) twitter and snicker when they see a young masculine, as if there were something wrong in the very fact of boys and girls. Incapable of behaving themselves properly to the other sex, and anything but ladies. And how proverbially mischievous, how full of all sorts of roguery, trickery, and practical falsification, as well as misdemeanors, are girls, especially smart ones, in schools of girls ! Equally so boys in a school of boys, and young men at college. And some habits, too, generally formed at school, and by college stu- dents, are infinitely more deleterious than their studies are beneficial. And this habit is propagated at these exclusive schools more than elsewhere, by virtue of the very principle now under consideration. And young males will study so much faster, behave so much better, in the presence of girls, and girls of boys, than either with their own sex alone. And the higher the institution of learning, the more should both sexes partake together of its benefits, as the best means of improving its educational facilities. As I made this point in Springfield, Illinois, a large-bodied, large- headed, large-minded, elderly, eloquent divine arose, and begging pardon with a dignified yet courteous bow, inquired : u Sir, will you not enforce these educational views more at length in a separate lecture ? 57 “ I will, sir, cheerfully, effectually. You get up an audience, I will get up the lecture. Only begging to enlarge this subject, so as to embrace the general intercourse and relations of the sexes to each other. That is, I would simply enlarge the boy-and-girl view of this matter so as also to include the man and woman.” Ci I gladly accept the amendment . 57 The lecture announced. The largest place in town crowded, packed. A most enthusiastic lecture, for it seemed to touch the con- sciences of all. After which, rising in majesty, and proceeding with power, he said : EDUCATING THE SEXES TOGETHER. 71 u I have long, and, I believe, successfully, presided over institutions of learning. Am the president of a Christian college. Have taught that college when admitting only males. Persuaded its trustees to change, so as to admit females. Have presided four years over the same institution, since its feminine enlargement. Have managed it with much less than half the trouble. Have seen the rowdyish, rampant spirit of Young America give place to manliness of deport- ment and expression among the masculines. Have found that the girls and young ladies progress much faster, and behave very much better, than those in a female seminary over which I long presided. Can hardly express the all-importance of the principle involved in Professor Fowler’s lecture. Unwilling to let a lecturer who takes right ground on this important subject leave our city without a full hearing, therefore moved to appoint this meeting. And am de- lighted that my views, gleaned from experience, should be thus philo- sophically and ably expounded from a scientific stand-point . 77 And I believe all teachers, male or female, ’who have ever taught either sex exclusively, and both together, will most heartily second the doctrines here presented. They are true, and ought to be uni- versally adopted. In this respect our common schools are superior to our higher. The plain fact is, and this truth is universal, that the male sex is a necessity to the female, and the female to the male, from the very cradle to the grave — as much so as food * for both grow alike out of primitive faculties which absolutely must be fed, and which their mutual presence feeds, but absence starves. Why should the sexes be separated in education more than elsewhere ? The presence of boys wonderfully inspirits girls to study, and behave their very best. Nor can any other incentive supply its place. A boy at school, a young man at college, studies all the faster, behaves all the better, if loved mother, sister, sweetheart, have an eye on his success, rejoice over his attainments and “ appointments , 77 and encourage his efforts. So of girls, and young ladies. Separate them, as in boys’ schools, and how slow in progress in study, manners, everything good ! Separated, as in most colleges, and how many college vices — one most fatal to man- hood — supply their place with morbid cravings, alike destructive of health, moral purity, and intellectual progress ! Unless, perchance, as in Amherst College, the students associate with the ladies of the village — a decided recommendation of that institution over most others. In this respect Methodist institutions far surpass most others * and Oberlin, and Antioch College, at Yellow Springs, and the Uni- versity at Galesburg, Illinois, where young ladies and gentlemen re- 72 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. cite the same lessons in the same classes, and mutually emulate and stimulate each other in good manners as well as intellectual attain- ments, far surpass Yale and Cambridge, where students are proverbi- ally rude. And, in general, college students behave worse at public gatherings than any other class. Nor have I, in ten years’ lecturing, been inter- rupted by as much rowdyism, or treated as rudely, as by students belonging to that one-horse, old-fogy college at C , N. Y. And the worst of it was, that they justified their rowdyism. What have students, deprived of right female influence, to either restrain their rampant passions, or polish off their rude manners ? The fact is, no girl can ever learn good manners, or clothe herself with feminine politeness, except in and by contact with the other sex of her own age. And the same is true of boys and young men. To separate them makes them just so far old bachelors and old maids — loose stones in the great temple of society — unplaced, unfit to place. That abuses sometimes creep into promiscuous schools — billet- doux are interchanged, etc. — is not denied. But it is denied that they are either inherent or unavoidable. Horace Mann, than whom no man of this age is better qualified, either by the largest educational views and experience, or by the highest order of moral purity, to pass an intelligent judgment, assured me, that at Antioch College the be- havior of the young gentlemen and ladies to each other was almost unexceptionable, and that he found it easy to regulate their conduct toward each other, by putting it on their natural feelings of propriety, and their gentlemanly and lady-like pride of character, and natural good taste. And when these abuses do exist, they are due rather to bad management than any inherent difficulty. Young gentlemen and ladies, too, should be allowed to associate freely in each other’s society. Parents should make parties to their children, and youth of different ages, and encourage sleigh-rides, pic- nics, and the like. But, mark, the old folks should participate and preside. Not to restrain, but direct , youthful exuberance. Associating with the young improves, re-invigorates the old, while the old rightfully soften down and properly direct the sportiveness of youth. No young man will ever behave rudely in company when his mother forms one of the party. Nor will girls be too free or forward in the company of their elders. Would that, a thousand to one of such parties were made, and attended no matter how extensively. Instead of this, girls are often put under the most rigid surveillance, watched every hour, as if unfit for a moment to be trusted out of WATCHING GIRLS. «3 sight. Thus hemmed in, they are far more liable to break away from all restraint, fall in love, or be ruined, than if allowed full liberty. And less to blame than those who, by imposing these restraints, starve this first natural element of humanity. One no more to be suppressed than appetite, or speech, but simply to be cultivated, and rightly directed. Is your girl indeed so very frail or ignorant, that she is kept virtuous only by being watched ? And is watched virtue worth its sentinel ? Only voluntary goodness is good, or virtue virtuous. I repel such a practical slander on young ladies. And those who err, do so more from kindness or novelty than natural frailty; whereas, proper instruction and judicious advice, superadded to this commin- gling in the society of young gentlemen, would soon put all on their guard, and enable them to repel with the utmost scorn and indigna- tion any and all undue liberties. Unless a girl’s virtue is safe in her own keeping, it will not long be kept. I know that these doctrines differ fundamentally from the common doctrines and customs of society. But, for the life of me, I can look at this subject in no other light. And I have looked at it long and carefully, and withal, practically ; and say, emphatically, if I had a thousand daughters to educate, and every one as dear as an only daughter of the highest womanly endowments could be, I would edu- cate them all in accordance with t*hese principles. Should say prac- tically to all, “ Choose your own society and correspondence. But I hold you responsible for their propriety. Write to, and receive letters from, whomever you please ; but I trust to you not to allow any man to send you a second improper letter, and to repel the first impropriety. Nor ever expose yourself to a second. I hold you responsible for conducting yourself always and everywhere in true, high, womanly style. And further beg that you will never behave rudely to, or wrong, any young man in any respect whatever ; but be the perfect lady in everything appertaining to gentlemen in general, and young gentlemen in particular.” Nor are the young or single half as sensual as those older or married. And I must shake the head at those young gentlemen who exclude themselves from female society. Many excellent young men go from their room to their business, and business to their room, without spending an hour a week in female society, living meanwhile in a boarding-house, so that none of their family feelings are cultivated. Perhaps, equally excluding themselves from masculine society also. Devoting their leisure hours to books. Now, all this seems very well. “ What a proper, nice young man he must be !” is the general remark. Not so. He is starving a first element of the human soul — the sexual 4 74 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. and social. “ And when one member suffers, all the members suffer with it ; as when one member rejoices, all the other members also rejoice.” Our Bible very properly says, it “ is not good for man to be alone ” He must live with woman. And woman with him. Doubtless, no female society at all is better than that of courtesans 7 , to which many are often driven by want of associating with the virtuous. But how infinitely better that of the virtuous, than either practical emasculation, or else that of depraved females ! for one of the three is a necessity. On going home from the lecture above-mentioned, an elderly, ma- tronly, lady-like, excellent woman, walking home with the reverend president above alluded to, who got up the lecture by way of confirm- ing its views, that the sexes should associate freely together, narrated to him the case of a young man in that very city, who till lately had been one of the most promising youths in the city, was a clerk in a large business establishment, was their smartest, best young man, perfectly honest, unusually polite, and attentive to business, but had what his employers considered a grave fault, namely, after his day’s work was done, he usually went to some previously-appointed party, spending his evenings in the society of young ladies and gentlemen. His character was above suspicion. Not one word of fault. On the contrary, the highest praise was bestowed on his fidelity, integrity, business capacities, everything. But his old-fogy employers said to him: u George, one of two things. You must give up your evening parties, or your prospects of becoming a member of our firm.” George, quivering, replied : “ Am I not honest, faithful, and attentive to busi- ness ? Do I not do more than any other two in the store ? What more do you want ? What concern of yours how I spend my even- ings, so that I do my duty to you 7” Their very laconic reply was : u Admitted : but abandon either your parties, or your hopes of prefer- ment. We give you till to choose.” Ambitious, acquisitive, he chose business before parties. But society he must have. Did have. Exchanging that of young ladies and gentlemen for that of his own sex, he fell, was thereby led into drinking, gambling, and other Concomitant and nameless vices, which ruined his health, his character, his fitness for business, his integrity; and at the time of the narration he was an outcast ! A noble youth spoiled by the interdict- ing of aright sexuality. And his story is but that of untold thousands. Indeed, these vices to which £i Young America” is subject — and “ Young America” is a very fast boy — are consequent more on this exclusion from the society of refined, genteel young ladies, than by any other cause whatsoever. Society in this respect is fundamentally LOVE IMPROVES THE MANNERS. 75 wrong. No young gentleman can now call or wait on a young lady more than twice, but every tattling old maid in town has them mar- ried. This, along with the watchfulness and exclusiveness of par- ticular mamma and careful papa, literally banishes them from right female society. The place of which they supply by wrong. And the sensuality of our cities and towns is due mainly to this starvation of this natural element in this its right form, by which it is driven to take on the wrong. The fact is, the society of the other sex is a necessary requisition to each. Is a first natural law. And whoever violates it is punished in, and fry, and for , its infringement. While all who obey are blessed in and by means of that fulfillment. These are plain truths, but truths for all. And most appalling in their import. Please give them mature reflection and extensive prac- tical observation. And every young man ought always to live in some family. Does not this absence of family influences show why nine in every ten of all the young men who go into business in our cities and villages lose their virtue and moral tone ? And, in consequence, fail in business ? Or thus : It either is a natural institute law, that young gentlemen and ladies associate, intermingle with each other in the various walks of life, or it is not. That their association is a first natural law is attested by the universal instincts of both sexes, and all ages, as well as by every philosophical principle that bears on this subject. Then, obeying this law by each sex seeking the society of the other, brings its own legitimate reward to every obedient youth. Whereas, break- ing it, as in exclusive schools, seminaries, and colleges, brings down its merited punishment upon the head of every delinquent. Nor will these natural laws receive any excuses. “ Obey and be happy, violate and suffer, are fixed decrees. Then, be a little careful, boy, girl, young man, young woman, married, single, parents, and society, how you ignore or break this first natural law. 14 . LOVE IMPROVES THE MANNERS ) OR, SEXUAL ETIQUETTE. Though all human beings, by virtue of our common humanity, owe to all a certain cast of deportment — savage to civilized, and civilized to savage, juniors to seniors, and adults to children (one parental and encouraging) and all to all, and that in which the mental and moral predominate — yet there is another, and that a far higher, due between the sexes. As that same treatment, proper enough from man to man, or boy to boy, would be rude from boy to man, or man to boy, so that style of manners proper enough from man to man or woman to woman, 76 POWER, OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. would be highly improper, rude even, from male to female, or female to male. And the very highest style of human manners, and that most beautiful and perfect, is that due between the sexes, and prompted by love ; for it embraces all true human manners, with the sexual super- added . Then, how should the most perfect man bear himself toward the most perfect woman ? And woman to man ? That is, in what does a perfect sexual etiquette consist ? And since preparation is the first step in every great work, in what does that preparation consist ? In proper feelings. Our manners are but the natural language of our mental faculties. As, to treat our fellow-men properly we must first feel rightly toward them, so he who would treat woman appro- priately must first feel the true manly sentiment tow T ard the sex in general, and the particular woman in whose company he may find himself. The quintessence of all good manners consists, not at all in having been to the daneing-school, or traveled in foreign lands, or studied books on good behavior, nor even in mingling in genteel so- ciety, but in possessing right human sentiments. Who feels right, will behave right, while a boor at heart will be boorish in all his manners, though all his life in polite circles. Nor is any rudeness as rude as that which ensconces itself behind fashionable usages. Enshroud the ' ass in the lion’s skin, and his ears will stick out for all. And if he tries to roar, he can only bray. Begin, then, with the interior , ye men who would cultivate a right behavior toward females. Then alone can the out-workings be right. “ First make the tree good. Then will its fruit be good also.” A weak sexuality in man treats woman on the plane of our common humanity merely. But something more is due. He must treat her on that plane, to be sure, but superadd thereto that treatment due from the male to the female. And a hearty sexuality furnishes both this right estimation, and thereby right treatment . 4 6 But perverted sexuality perverts the manners. Weak Amativeness treats her with neglect merely, but perverted Amativeness always maZ-treats her. The errors of the former are those of omission merely. Those of the latter, of commission. Sensual feeling in him behaves sensually toward her, and thereby virtually insults every woman he talks with, or even looks at, and this disgusts and repels her. Vulgar at heart, his entire natural language proclaims his sensuality, and implies her degradation, from which, if pure, she instinctively recoils, perhaps without knowing why. But reads and reciprocates, if impure. Hence, he who has debased his sensuality by impure practices, proclaims his own shame in and by his very tone of manners SEXUAL ETIQUETTE. t * to woman, which her purity naturally rebukes, and this causes him to shrink from her society. Nor can anything render the manners of a man as utterly odious as corrupt Amativeness. Show me one who considers woman faithless or devilish, and I will show you a faithless devil. Of course, to reform their manners, such must reform their spirit , feelings — the great fountain-head of actions. And, apply not these doctrines to females ? Show me her who has come to regard all masculines as bad, and I will show you one, all of whose actions and looks toward men are hateful, and practically in- sulting to them. Let her wear whatever of silks and diamonds she may, let her attempt to say and do whatever agreeable things she pleases, all hut proclaim her practical hypocrisy, and engender his hate instead of love. But, let her only feel the true sentiment of woman to man, and she acts the lady * so that true gentility— ladyism — is of the heart , not of dry-goods. Then, how should ladies and gentlemen feel toward each other ? Behold that hoy and girl. In parlor, in play-ground, he edges wist- fully toward her, and treats her, never rudely, but blandly and con- siderately. If they snow-ball, he tries to miss, not hit. Or hits softly, merely to show what he could do. If they scuffle, it is not as rude boy with equal, but with some delicate object he must be careful not to hurt. If they slide down hill, he volunteers to draw the sled up again. And on level ground, he draws her, not she him. And the older they grow, that is, the more highly sexed they become, the more considerately he treats her. And the more pleasantly she behaves toward him. This is nature, and the type of the way each sex should treat the other — the same, only more so. As good manners between human beings depend on each manifest- ing toward the other true human sentiments , so all right treatment of the opposite sex springs from an exalted regard for it. Man ought, by virtue of his masculinity, to regard woman as his choicest terrestrial treasure. She is specifically and every way adapted to render him happy. And should be held the more choice and pre- cious by all the happiness it is possible for him* to experience in her. That is precious which confers happiness. And the more happiness, the more precious. All preciousness consists in this means of happi- ness. Woman is adapted to render man happier — almost infinitely — than any other terrestrial creation. Man is adapted to derive pleasure from the luscious peach, the melting pear, the “ almighty dollar,” and a thousand other natural productions ; but, of all the possessions and commodities of this whole earth, it is ordained that the female shall 78 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. render the male almost infinitely the happiest. And that man knows little of happiness, is poverty-stricken indeed, be his social position however high or honorable, and his possession of lands, of dollars, of treasures, however great, who has little or no happiness in the female. Comparatively barren, indeed, is he of human ecstasy, of enjoyment. And that woman, be it that she spreads herself in silks and jewelry, be it that she is waited upon by scores of liveried attendants, and rolls in affluence, having all else that heart can wish, yet, notwith- standing all, in spite of all, is a poor, miserable wretch — none so poor but need to pity her — who is not happy in, is rendered miserable by, man in general, or her own husband in particular. And there are many such. But, superlatively happy beyond all conception — in heaven, though on earth — she whom man makes happy. And where a perfect sexual relation exists between the male and female, how inexpressibly, how exultingly, how even infinitely happy each is adapted to become in and by the other ! Description utterly fails ! Words are but mockery. Only experience, and that of very few, can ever attest either the variety or the extent of that happiness. And throughout the entire beings of both. And from the first dawn- ing of this sexual relation, more and more, till they close their eyes in death. And even throughout eternity itself ! All that even a God could do, God has done to adapt each sex to promote the happi- ness of the other. And this adaptation is surpassingly full and per- fect. Of all the beautiful workmanship of the Divine hand, this is the most beautiful. Of all His perfections, this is the most perfect. Of all His benevolent devices, this is the most benevolent. All the Divine attributes, all the human enjoyments, seem to be concentrated in these adaptations and relations of each sex to the other . 3 Then, shall not each be correspondingly precious in the eyes of the other ? Man should esteem, prize, many things in this world. But woman is his pearl of greatest price. Man should preserve, cherish, husband many of life’s acquisitions, possessions, but prize woman most of all. Man has many jewels in his crown of glory, but what at all compare with woman ? She is his gem jewel, his diadem , even. Then, shall he not 'treat her accordingly ? Since she can contribute thus to his happiness, shall he not also to hers ? Is it not meet and fit that he should ? And what should give him more happiness than to promote hers ? Indeed, what does ? His highest earthly luxury, this contributing to female comfort. And the better sexed, the more a man he is, the more. But, in proportion as he is barren of the mas- culine element, does he fail to derive pleasure from woman, and she fail in being precious in his eyes . 6 And also does his deportment INFLUENCE ON MANNERS. 79 toward her become commonplace — merely human, but not sexed. Yet, exactly in proportion as he is more and more masculine, more highly sexed, will the feminine give him the more pleasure. And he seek her comfort. And she his. This rule works both ways. In proportion as she is sexed, is feminine, does she seek to render the masculine happy, be- cause it renders her so. But, if she is poorly sexed, she cares little for the masculine, 5 and is tame — merely human, instead of womanly — in her treatment of man. And how infinitely beneficent and perfect this action and reaction of the sexes upon each other’s happiness, manners, character, everything ! And what human perfection is as perfect as a right treatment of the other sex ? And what defects in behavior as defective, what vul- garities as vulgar, what wrong conduct as wrong, as improper treat- ment of woman by man, or man by woman ? Let my treatment of men be what it may — and I mean it shall be right — but 0, give it to me, always and everywhere, to treat all females — in rags or velvets, in palace or hovel — with the utmost propriety and good-breeding ! Just as the most perfect male should always and everywhere treat the female. And that wholly irrespective of her social position, apparel, or accomplishments, but solely by virtue of her sex : which is infinitely above these external trappings. And let me be so treated by her ! u Then, how should the most exalted masculine treat the most per- fect feminine, and the highest feminine the most perfect masculine In strict accordance with the nature of the sex treated , not those who treat. That is, the natural character of woman should dictate man’s conduct toward her, while his natural character should prompt her treatment of him. Then, since woman is most delicately organized, fine-grained, sensi- tive, and susceptible, his treatment of her should be, and in all whose sexuality is hearty and normal, is exceedingly tender, considerate, comforting, refined, and kind. As in handling cannon balls or pig- iron, we may pitch and pound, for, hard themselves, they can bear it : but, in handling fine watches, we must handle them lightly; so man may, if he likes, bang his fellow-men about as he would rough boxes — though, as those that use the sword must expect some time to perish by the sword, so those that bang must expect to be banged — so woman, being delicate of structure, must be treated delicately. Being exquisitely susceptible alike to pain and pleasure, shall not man avoid whatever can give her pain, and do whatever can contribute to her happiness ? Himself strong and hardy, able to endure rough 80 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. treatment and unkind remarks, he must not judge her by himself. Such treatment as his more hardened feelings would not mind, cuts her more tender soul to the very quick. Let exactly the same things be said against a man and woman, while he would rise above, or harden himself against them, and not feel hurt in the least, she would take them sorely to heart, and writhe in mental agony, and wither beneath them. Speak gently, then, O man, to woman ! Speak to man in tones of sternness, if you will, but to woman let every tone be softer than that of the cooing dove to his love-mate. Your every harsh intonation grates so terribly on her delicate ear. Oh, never pain it thereby ! When you address the sex, let your voice fall upon a lower, gentler key than that employed to man, and be winning . 10 Let your every look be one of consideration and regard, as though beholding a being highly organized and ethereal. As she is naturally refined, so let not one coarse look, or vulgar expression, or improper act, transpire in her presence. Instead, drink in her refinements, and incorporate them into your own character, rather than offend in word or deed her nice sense of propriety and good taste. And as cautiousness is due to whatever is delicate, so be careful of her. Stand sentry around her, to see that no evil overtakes her. Much less inflict evil on her. You are her natural protector. See that you ward off* all harm, not in- duce it. The more so, as the true woman naturally looks to the mas- culine for protection. And the true man always delights to give it. And under the guardianship of the true male the female is just as safe, even if he can impose on her with impunity, as his strength and prowess can render her. And, when danger threatens, he looks out for her safety, even to the neglect of his own. Of this, Captain Herndon, at the wrecking of the Central America, furnished a true masculine example. He saves every woman and child first , even though in so doing he imperils and loses his own life. Eternal honor to his manly head and heart ! Let woman raise a worthy monument to his undying memory. He was the true man. Let every woman acknowl- edge and repay the debt of eternal gratitude and love she — the whole sex — owes to his memory ! And how proud, in the midst of her grief, his bereaved widow should be, that he was so nobly true to manliness ! Let it dry up her tears. She had the very best of hus- bands. A martyr to true sexuality ! Man, always, everywhere, pattern after his most noble example. In danger, save woman first. Nor ever in the least expose her to any possibility of evil. It is utterly unmanly, even despicable. And keep a sharp eye ever on the alert to descry some new, SEXUAL ETIQUETTE. 81 some other, and yet another, means of promoting her comfort. Not merely pick up her glove, and manifest Frenchified etiquette, but, in parlor, in omnibus, in crowded assembly, everywhere, yield her your comfortable seat, though obliged yourself to stand. And keep both eyes always wfide open, to perceive her wants the moment they arise, and proffer their supply. And the more so, the more substantial these wants. Let her happiness be your constant care. In it consists your own. And these gallant attentions to her comfort are so peculiarly beau- tiful in man — are worthy of all praise. A thousand times, in my crowded lecture-room or office, a lady entering, have I admired, felt proud that I was a man, to see half-a-score of gentlemen spring from and proffer their seats, each anxious to martyrize himself on the altar of her happiness. And this gallantry is both a sure sign and a correct measure of the refinement and human elevation of both individuals and communities. Nor is there any one point of the perfect gentle- man as gentlemanly as these polite attentions to female comfort. In fact, they constitute the very heart’s core of all gentlemanliness. To see a stalwart, brawny man, whose strength could command the lion’s share, yield his seat to weaker woman in the crowded con- course, preferring to stand by the hour, in order to render her com- fortable, whereas he would hardly yield it even to a king, is a beauti- ful trait so beautiful, a generous act so generous, an oasis on the barren desert of the human virtues so green, so refreshing, that it ought to be more prized and praised than it now is. All honor to him, in rags or broadcloths, in honor or shame, who manifests this first of masculine virtues — attention to woman’s comforts. And that so cordially as not to oppress her with a feeling of obligation. As if, instead, she placed him under the obligation, by allowing him the favor of bestowfing the favor. And, gentlemen, ye who would perfect yourselves as men, in man- ners, in character, have here the very heart’s core of all good-breed- ing. He is in very deed well-bred, and he alone, whether courtier or ciod-’nopper, who does behave thus to woman. Nor need he read Chesterfield, for his good-breeding is indigenous — is felt , not assumed. But this requires, and is prompted by, a high appreciation of female character. Just how far a man should carry these gallant attentions depends on two things — how much of a man he who bestows, and how much of a woman she to whom they are tendered. If their sexuality is low, and they are accordingly indifferent to each other, they may, should, will, treat each other simply on the human plane, instead of the 4 * 82 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. sexual. Nor could they, if they would, treat each other on any other. He in whom Amativeness is weak or perverted will either not try, or else break down in the attempt. And his consciousness of awkwardness will hold him back. Yet how many more are restrained by custom, by a fear that they may be thought unduly forward, and accused of taking unjustifiable liberties ! Not at all. Nature should overrule custom. And she who thus misconstrues only shows what a suspicious prude she her- self is. Those who see so much wrong in others do so because themselves in a like wrong. No true woman would think of implying such a charge. And her ideas must be very impure who does. She judges others by herself. An anecdote in point : A Miss Nancy Nippy, of Hartford, Ct., all freshly primped up by and from the young ladies 7 seminary, went to Virginia in the capacity of a governess of a planter’s family. Her room door had no lock, and her ladyship made a great ado because she could not lock out all attempted intruders. “ It was so very improper for a young lady to occupy apartments that could not be locked:’ Her employer reassured her that she was just as safe in his house, with door unlocked, as barred and bolted — that no one ever came there who would obtrude upon her retirement — that, proper or im- proper, she need give herself no more concern about the lock. But, no, her fussy ladyship “ could not, would not, stay, because it was so improper, out of all character, for a young lady to sleep with unlocked doors !” Her generous host accordingly took her to Ballard’s, in Rich- mond, and put her in his charge, to be escorted home by some, any gentleman of his acquaintance going North. Ballard said to a friend of mine: “As you are going on North, and I have a young lady bound North 'whom I am to furnish a gentleman escort, will you look after her baggage, and play the agreeable ?” “With all my heart. My handsomest attentions are at her ser- vice. And with the greatest pleasure.” Introduced. Took charge of her baggage. Paid her fare. Looked after her comfort in every possible way. Escorted to, waited upon at, from, table. And he was a natural gentleman. He knew just how to wait on woman. And his age, sixty, just fitted him to intermingle the fatherly with the gallant. And, after all, it takes giay hairs to wait on young women in the very tip - top style of true gallantry. Becoming late, when car passengers were composing themselves to rest as best they could, our fatherly beau, with a sort of nursing attention to her little wants, made her a pillow out of over-coat MISS NANCY NIPPY. 83 and mult, when, seating himself by her side, all at once, cat-like, she squalled out : “ Mr. Conductor ! Mr. Conductor ! come here right off. This man is taking liberties with me !” Of course, ail eyes were now opened, and turned on our hero. Though conscious of his innocence, he felt streaked- — white about the gills. The conductor answered : “ When I’m through examining the tickets, I will give you attention. Till then you are now safe. 77 As he reappeared, our Nancy Nippy squalled out again for imme- diate protection, reasserting that our hero was taking undue liberties with her. This brought him to his feet. All eyes staring at him putting himself at the end of the slip, he said, with dignified em- phasis : “ You cannot leave this slip, ma 7 am, until you tell these people, before whom you have accused me, exactly what liberties I have taken. Say definitely, have I touched your person anywhere ? li so, say w’here.” She answered : u I don’t know as you have.” Have I taken, even touched, your hand ?” “ I don’t know as you have.” u Then, have I attempted to kiss you ? Have not all who chose to look seen all I have done or attempted ? Have I done any one thing that a gentleman should not do to a lady ? If so, say exactly what Substantiate your charge, by stating to those before whom you have- accused me just what particular things I have done.” u I don’t know as you have done anything in particular, only l thought you made very free with me in a general way. But I don’t know as you have done anything in particular. ” u Humph ! Only a Miss Prude. She don’t know what polite treatment is from gentlemen,” roared out a gallant Southron, who saw that all the trouble lay in her prurient imagination. 11 Miss N.,” our hero continued, u Mr. Ballard put you under my escort, giving me special charge to promote your comfort. I have done my very best to redeem that charge — have done all, and omitted nothing in my power to promote your happiness. If I wanted to take liberties, I should surely not have selected you. But I have taken charge of your baggage, waited on you as handsomely as I knew how, made you the best pillow I could, and even paid your fare and supper, without thinking to ask you to reimburse even that; and this fa!so and utterly groundless accusation is the thanks I get. Fortunately, i am too well known to have this aspersion injure me. 1 attribute you* 84 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. conduct more to inexperience and false notions, than wrong motives. I should be justified in returning your checks, and letting the ‘ con- ductor’ protect you, and see to your baggage. But I will not. J will see you safely in Washington, and your baggage re-checked, and you re-seateu, but no farther. Meanwhile, I will thank you to pay me your fare, as I have already paid for your ticket.” A fellow-passenger in the cars, buying a dozen apples, offered some to a lady sitting near. She accepted. This started the inquiry: u This is not customary, but is it , per se , proper ?” Was his proffer manly? Was her acceptance 'womanly? He offered some also to me, and I accepted. Was it right or wrong to extend a like courtesy to her ? A gentleman seeing a lady in the cars with a child trying to find a resting-place for her weary head, proffered his shoulder, and amused her child. She accepted, and slept for hours. Were his proffer and her acceptance in accordance with true, right, high-toned manliness and womanliness? What says true human nature, irrespective of custom ? In the name of these facts, and of all candor and truthfulness, we repeat, do not the very customs and tone of society both often put evil constructions on purely gallant attentions, and choke down much of that bubbling gallantry which would otherwise manifest itself? Is not American society over-strict, even prudish, in this respect ? This originates in jealousy, or, rather, in perverted Amativeness. Normal Amativeness, feeling no wrong, suspects none ; whereas morbid Amativeness, itself unclean, is always accusing others of its own conscious pruriency. Who charge others with corruption, thereby proclaim their own. Gentlemen would be much more polite in car, in omnibus, in public, if they dared to — if they could calculate on their gallant proffers being received in the same spirit in which they are made. I do not believe the sun shines upon more or truer gallants than those over whose proud heads floats our star-spangled banner. Frenchmen may be more showy • hut are they more cordial and sin- cere ? I have been particularly struck with the polished gallantries of Southerners. And equally so with the truly lady-like manner of their reception. And with the polished and high-toned comportment of ladies and gentlemen toward each other. Much more freedom, much l ( ess restraint, than at the North, As if proffered and accepted in the true masculine and feminine spirit, And how much more beautifql it renders their manners ! But, men not a few — I opine the great majority of the industrious, young apd pld — while they fed all the gallant sentiments of a true. BASHFUL MEN. 85 hearty manliness, and even literally burn to express them, some from bashfulness, more from that exalted respect for the female sex which even oppresses, and suppresses instead of prompting courtesies, some from a consciousness of awkwardness, but most from want of practice, fail sadly in expressing to the other sex the gentlemanly considerations they feel. Let such remember two things : first, that u a faint heart never wins that woman is not superior to man — then why be abashed by her? — that woman infinitely prefers well-meant forward- ness to shrinking diffidence. So, courage, for women love forwardness more than backwardness, in men. And, secondly, that first feeling right toward woman, you act as you feel. Actions follow’ feelings, and take their cast therefrom. Than right sentiments toward the female sex, no feature of character is more beautiful . 3 And their natural manifesta- tions are correspondingly so. If your heart’s core is right, you need not fear to trust its out-workings. And remember that, to do nothing, is w r orse than to do poorly. Sins of omission often exceed those of commission. Neglect of woman is often worse than awkwardness. Just think how the perfect masculine ought to treat the perfect feminine, and treat all females as near this ideal standard as you well can. Bashfulness is not manliness. Break the icc. Do the best you can, but do something , if only to learn the art. the knack,” for next time, and all times to come. Evince no hesitation. Diffidence never takes. Diffidence spoils. Try your pinions, if you would soar. And all true women will accept the proffered kindness, and overlook any accompanying imperfections. And help you through besides. And wffiy shall not gallantry be taught ? Even form a constituent part of a boy’s education ? Why not as much as Latin, or chirog- raphy ? Is it not quite as great an accomplishment ? Greater, even ? 3 How much is a literary boor above a gentlemanly ignoramus ? And, does not gallantry sharpen up the intellect, as w~ell as improve the heart, and refine the soul ? A talented clow r n would gain by ex- changing some of his abundant talents for more of gentlemanly politeness to the other sex. Perhaps, if only one, better talent than gallantry, but how much better both united! Come, every young man of you, all ye men of all ages, study and practice the art of behaving properly to ladies. What human art or accomplishment equals it? You should make it as much an acquirement as gram- mar. Nothing taught at school, academy, or college even, is as im- portant. As intimately concerns your w’ell-being all through life. And really, to be skilled intuitively and practically in natural gal- lantry — to be able always and everywhere to w’ait upon the ladies, in 86 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. a real, finished, elegant, appropriate style — is a valuable gift, as orna- mental, as self-perfecting, as any other manly gift, attainment, or capacity. My fellow-men, vie with me in its cultivation. Let us strive together as to who will do up the agreeable to the gentler sex in the most perfect masculine style. Not that woman should be too dependent and helpless. Some women act as if too passive, too inert, almost to walk or breathe, without a man to lean on, and practically say all the time, u Do help me, sir.” Too much helplessness spoils. Both men and the gods love to help those that help themselves. True, a woman may be too independent to be lady-like, yet every woman should act as if able and willing to help herself, yet thankfully receive all needed atten- tions. But how shall a lady receive these gallant attentions ? Never as did Miss Nancy Nippy. Perfectly outrageous. But, per contra , always, and everywhere, with a cordial, grateful acknowledgment . The least she can any way do is to smile pleasantly on him, and thank him sweetly. Shall not every human being pay for all received from others ? Why not ? And wTiat real claim has she on him ? He is under no obligations to her further than those he chooses voluntarily to assume. She ought, therefore — it is but due from her to him — to pay him somehow. And her grateful acknowledgment is ample pay- ment. Her sweet, feminine u Thank you, sir,” u This is very kind in you,” “I am much obliged,” far more than repays him. His heart bounds, it leaps to his throat, that he has been privileged to proffer the kindness and obtain the reward. A woman’s thanks are so very grateful to a true man. Nor is any woman entitled to any more attention from man than she, by her superior loveliness, can make it a free-will offering in him to bestow. And those who deserve the most will receive the most. And she who is neglected, is so because she ought to be. She should extort, rather prompt, them by her love- liness. Men have gallantry enough. All they require is that it be elicited. And female loveliness alone can elicit it. And this can. And always does. An uninteresting woman is, ought to be. neglected, because uninteresting — that is, poorly sexed — unwomanly. It is wo- manliness, sexuality , 4 5 that calls out and bestows these gallantries. And they abound or decline in proportion to this sexuality. Cultivate that, and you increase them. Lose that, and you lose them. “ But, I am uninteresting. I w*as born so. I can not help myself. Then, what am I to do ?” Do without, or else cultivate loveliness. One or the other you must do. Take your choice. All women have enough to secure passable THE TRUE LADY. 87 attentions, if they will but u let their’ 5 sexual u light shine,” instead of u hiding it under a bushel.” (See Advice to Old Maids.) To call out more attentions, woman has only to be thankful for those she does receive. But if she receives in cold, thankless indifference, he feels sorry that he made the proffer. Not for his loss of comfort, but her non- appreciation. His generous efforts fall back dead upon him, and this palls future attempts. Another anecdote : A couple of — I will hardly say ladies — females entering a full car, between Columbus and Cincinnati, a Judge, com- fortably seated, rose, beckoned out his friend, and politely seated them in his seat, into which they slid without acknowledgment. Still standing at the mouth of the slip, till his presence became oppressive, his friend said : u Judge, what are you standing there for ?” u Waiting for these ladies to thank me,” was the reply. No point in female gentility at all compares with this pleasant 11 Thank you, sir.” Talk about boarding-school accomplishments ! They are as trash in comparison. Even music is its inferior. Nor is any want of it equal to its withholding. She is no lady who does, be she dressed in embroideries however rich, and accomplished in all the boarding-school simperings. While she who returns them hand- somely is a true lady, though dressed in ragged calico, and scrubbing board floors. Sometimes a bashful girl, perhaps confused, omits to say, but looks ) her thanks. Yet this confusion is their highest expression. Her grateful recognition chokes its verbal, but not real expression. And yet, are there no women, like a child spoiled by pampering, who act — and actions sometimes speak louder than words — “ Well, but you ought to take me to concert and saloon, and glad of the chance, because Pm a woman and you’re a man. And no thanks to you either.” But, if there is anything perfectly hateful in female manners, it is this impertinent demand on men for service, along with their thank- less reception. Nor will any one thankless woman long be a recipient of these attentions from any one man. He will soon tire of them. And ought to. It is the thanks he gets which repays the service, and prompts a repetition. But, are American women as particular to return thanks as they should be ? Is not here a marked defect in the manners of American ladies ? Another anecdote : 88 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. I usually, tit myself for the lecture-room by a brisk run. On a run in Walnut Street, Philadelphia, winding my way one dark evening to the lecture-room, a lady said : u Please, sir, stop that omnibus . 77 I turned, hailed, helped in, when she said, Thank you, sir , 77 in a manner so pleasant, so lady-like, that I doubted her being American. Not that I would thus disparage my countrywomen, or lower their estimate, but that I would put them upon the truest, highest etiquette of their sex. I would expose their faults only to obviate them. And because I would not that my countrywomen should be behind those of any other. Pray, my countrywomen, rely for praise less on rib- bons and jewelry, and more on an appropriate, a true style of man- ners toward men. But, shall man bestow all on woman, and receive none in return ? That man should look more after woman’s comfort than woman after man’s, has been already virtually proved by implication in the rationale of their attentions, namely, that she is so sensitive and de- pendent, and he so strong. But, shall she have no eye to his happi- ness ? And when a woman w r ho can sing or play is requested to entertain the company, what affected nonsense, how ungenteel, to decline and re-decline — all the time w T anting to show' her skill — till impatience annuls expectation ! When ladies can thus contribute to the pleasure of the company, gentlemen especially, is it lady-like to refuse till urging becomes unpleasant ? Does not true gentility require her to step right forward on the first asking, as if it were a pleasure, not a task ? As if it made her happy to render them so ? As if she w r ould do the best she could cheerfully, instead of being or making believe ashamed that she can not do better ? And whenever, wherever she can contribute in any way to man’s comfort or enjoyment, ought she not to do so as gladly as man to hers ? Or shall she in crowded omnibus receive seat after seat from his generous hand, till all are full — half with her crinoline — wtiiile she spreads herself over twice the space she needs to occupy, and Lets him stand ? Shall she not, at least, crowd her hoops and dry-goods into the smallest compass, so as to compel him to stand just as little as possible ! Yet, does she alw'ays ? I will hardly say all I might, perhaps ought to, on this point. But do we not too often see a selfish- ness in her, a neglect of his comfort, an assumption of more than she really needs, thereby compelling him to go without, which betokens less regard in her for his comfort than he manifests for hers ? Is this just right ? Is it not unlady-like ? Is it not unjustifiable selfishness^ HOW LADIES SHOULD TREAT GENTLEMEN. 89 even ? More. Is it not far more reprehensible than the same self- ishness evinced toward her own sex ? My countrywomen, please consider, and, if needs be, reform. Nor should women always take all these kindly tenders of man. Not for Miss Nancy Nippy’s reason, but because she should not always rob him. It is not womanly to refuse, yet not always lady-like to accept all. Thus, he offers her the only peach, or anything else there is. To refuse it is to reprove his offer. This will not do. She should presuppose he offers in good faith, desiring her to accept, and not refuse for fear she may rob him. She should presuppose that her acceptance will please him. But, accepting, may she not return a part ? This is the highest point of true gentility. And he should accept the return. And they share it together . Or if he yields her his seat, she should accept. But, after he has stood awhile, she should proffer its return. And he, if fatigued, accept, rest a bit, and re-proffer it. Nor should a young woman receive the seat of an old man. Ker practical language should be, ” No, father, I am younger than you, and can stand better. Please, give me the pleasure of seeing you enjoy it.” Nor is a middle-aged man required to yield his seat to girls, ’who are yet but little sexed. He may let them lean against his brawny chest ' but their relations are now more those of the junior and senior than male and female. Or, if they sit, let them, let woman alw’ays, in the crowded assembly, stow herself and crino- line away in the smallest compass possible, in order to make all the room she can for him. And when she descends the stairway in a crowd, take up her dress — bring it forward, so that those behind need not step on it. Still, no definite rules of universal applicability can ever be given her, because u circumstances alter cases.” Yes, there is this one universal rule: Let men and women always feel and express toward each other that exalted regard ordained to obtain between the sexes. Let both put themselves on their masculine and feminine intuitions , and their mutual manners and treatment will be perfect. And let this chapter thus put all who read it on this exalted sexual platform. Let it teach every man just how to treat the female sex, and every woman just how to treat the masculine, and it will incomparably adorn the manners of both. Will make both happy in each other, and mutually develop each other’s sexuality and humanity. Now, since the mere fact of sex thus beautifies the manners of each sex toward the other, how much more love ? Since men and women treat each other thus beautifully in the ordinary walks and thorough- 90 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT fares of life, how much more charming the mutual manners of those truly in love with each other ! If humanity is beautiful anywhere, or in anything, it is when in love. The sun shines out on nothing as perfect, or perfectly angelic, as on the proper comportment of lovers toward each other, excepting, of course, that of husbands and wives to each other, which is the most perfect of all, because prompted by the very highest phase of this sexual element. Of which, however, conjugal etiquette included, in subsequent pages — that of lovers, under u Courtship,” and of the married, under u Married Life. 77 15 . LOVE AS INFLUENCING THE MENTAL FACULTIES. And does love thus re-quicken the action of all the physical func- tions, and shall it not also of each and all the mental faculties ? Does not the sexuality appertain quite as much to the mental as the phys- ical of humanity ? As much ? Does it not as much more, as mind is a higher entity than body? Its sacred mission is to transmit the whole being. Then, must it not pervade this whole ? And is not the transmission of the mental being even more important than that of the physical ? As much more as mind is superior to body ? Those who suppose this sexual institute is confined to body, fall infinitely short of a just appreciation of both this element itself and its breadth and scope. As mind is the paramount entity to be transmitted by love, therefore love must needs pervade, and its various states affect th© mental faculties as much more than the physical functions as the mentality is superior to the physiology. And both the mind as a whole, and each of its faculties to build them up when love is happily placed, but to break them down when it suffers disappointment. Does not love re-enkindle friendship ? Show me an unloving, un- loved maid or bachelor, and I will show you one who is cold, cheerless, and unsocial. But a hearty love affair will throw them out, and render them far more warm, cosy, and genial than before. And the first natural concomitant of love is friendship. Tell me, ye who have loved, if your loved one was not also your best and dearest friend , as well as lover ? Indeed, did you not mistake the dawnings of love for friendship merely ? And all who truly love each other are friends as well as lovers, and friends because lovers — because Adhesiveness co-operates so effectually with Amativeness. Love of children is also enkindled by love of the sex. Mark that young man, when courting his lady-love, pat that rosy boy’s cheek, and draw that girl to him, and play with all the younger chil- dren while waiting to see their elder sister. And does not she, too, show more fondness for children since she OVER THE MENTAL FACULTIES. 91 began to be courted, than before? And those parents who love each other at all, love all the better from loving their mutual children. And love their mutual children all the better on account of loving each other. Indeed, how many love each other quite well because they love and live in and for the same dear children, who would not love each other at all but for their children ! All because Amative- ness elicits parental love. Love of home, too, is intensified by conjugal love. As birds set about building their domicil immediately after they mate, but build none before, so home, with all its joys, all its vi rtues, 1 is due to Amativeness. A home, temporary or permanent, becomes a necessity immediately after marriage, and in consequence of it, and is rendered how much more cheerful, too, by children. And how cheerless that fireside not enlivened and adorned by some cherub child ! But how happy that home full of them ! For which thank the love element. Love also prompts continuity to pore, think, muse, by day, by night, on those we love, as if nothing could ever divert the mind from the object ever present of our affections. 16. INFLUENCE OF LOVE ON COMBATIVENESS AND DESTRUCTIVENESS. The love element, happily placed, incites Combativeness and De- structiveness to their highest possible pitch of normal action. Not in fierce conflict or ungovernable temper, but in determined energy and unflinching valor. Not only do the masculines of all pugnacious animals fight mainly, and in most deadly conflict, during their love seasons • but a man heartily in love will do and dare, endure and encounter, attempt and execute, to a degree which nothing else could prompt. While the hands of the unloving and unloved hang listlessly, inertly at their sides, those of the loving and loved are taxed to their utmost. No stone is left unturned, no efforts are too great, no obstacles too gigantic, for them not to attempt. While the former do nothing, care for nothing, but laxly let time hang heavily on their hands, and slide carelessly through them, living merely a vacuitive, objectless, inane life, or if they essay to do at all, do it tamely, as if they neither expected nor desired success, the latter take right hold w r ith both hands, rush right on, on, with might and main, defying dangers, grappling right in with difficulties, as if to do, dare, and suffer for love’s sake were a real luxury, and throw a zest and power into effoil which accomplish their ends. Nor can any man ever become a hero, morally or physically, except under the inspiration of love. Let those who would ever do or become anything in this world worthy the doing or becoming, learn this practical lesson from the records of chivalry, 92 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT that as no knight-errant ever did or could do any bold, heroic deed of valor or humanity, unless inspired thereto by love, and incited by desire to gain her affections in and for whom he lived, so no man, from the beginning of time to the end of it, ever has done, ever can do, anything great, noble, humane, or worthy, unless inspired by love, and to gain or re-awaken her affections. What stimulates the young Indian to his loftiest deeds of warlike valor, but to enkindle the ten- der passion in his idolized squaw? And is not this principle quite as applicable to intellectual attainments and moral excellence as to martial exploits? Applicable everywhere, and in everything? Ye men, then, who ever wish to attain or maintain any honorable position among men, must first, love. And the more intensely and longer, the more a hero you will become in whatever sphere or pursuit you may enlist. All are but tame poltroons who do not. All heroes who do. But, let this love be reversed, and nothing will sour the temper as effectually as disappointed love. It will render the most amiable irritable and cross-grained, and those naturally cross, actually hateful. Show me a coarse, rough, blustering, threatening churl, and I will show you one who does not duly love * for, if he did, he v/ould look at every- thing through different glasses, make the best of what transpires, enjoy what he can, but bear patiently what he must, and always wear a smile. And let a woman, ever so sweet-tempered by nature, be disap- pointed in her affections, and she becomes soured in disposition, looks cross-grained at everybody and thing, and is both hating and hateful; while those not naturally the best tempered become real Zantippes — fretting at every little thing, and storming at every mishap, unless, perchance, disappointed love overcomes Combativeness, when they break down under it, and merely live out a mechanical, slipshod life, trying, indeed, to bless others, while desolate and collapsed within their own souls. Are not u old bachelors’’ proverbially notional and cross, hard to please, and peevish as a sick child, and old maids often real vixens ? True, there are exceptions, consequent on another law, to be explained hereafter ; but, have we misrepresented the majority of cases ? But this point will be the more fully seen if we give its reason — that the blasted state of the love organs throws all the surrounding organs into a like state, while their reversed action reverses all the other animal faculties. Let those men, then, who have cross wives, know that they have failed to satisfy their love, and try to obviate their crossness by re-awakening their love : and let women who have churlish husbands apply love as the great panacea for their irritability. OVER APPETITE. 93 17. LOVE PROLONGS, BUT DISAPPOINTMENT SHORTENS, LIFE. A happy state of love rekindles desire to live. Yitativeness, or determination to live on in spite of sickness and threatening death, is by far the most efficient of all means of prolonging life and reinvigor- ating all its functions. Testify, then, all ye who have ever loved, if this love did not intensify your desire to live, both for its own sake, and for the sake of him, her, beloved. This is its legitimate, its uni- versal effect. But let this love be disappointed, and the poor sufferer cares little for life or its pleasures, perhaps even craves death or com- mits suicide, as a deliverance from the agonies of despair. And this state of mind both produces disease and hastens death * while satis- fied love repels disease and lengthens life by mere force of will. And how many invalid women, so weakly that every day would seem to be their last, live on surprisingly and unaccountably, but that they cling to life that they may do and live for loved husbands and chil- dren ! A happy state of the affections will add many years, while an unhappy state will detract many, from every human life, besides having a like effect on the states of health while they do live. 18. LOVE PROMOTES, DISAPPOINTMENT IMPAIRS, DIGESTION. Of those unloving and unloved young gents who, having always boarded, have never eaten with a loved one, little need be said; for they are boys yet, to all practical intents and purposes. They may, indeed, relish food, as regards its quantity, but not flavor, and eat voraciously, like the gourmand, but not with the delightful relish of the epicure. Only those can fully know how good a good thing does taste who eat along with one beloved, and in the spirit of affection. And the more of that spirit, the better this flavor. Thus eaten, everything relishes. A dry crust shared in fondness with a loved one is delicious, whereas a stalled ox, eaten in contention, fails to relish. Affection is the best and cheapest— and is it not also the scarcest ? — table-sauce on earth. And often renders the poor man’s scanty fare more luxurious to him than their dainty dishes and viands to wealthy discordants, not thus seasoned. But, good food and appetite inter- mingled with love alone can give to food that highest zest and epi- curean relish of which it is capable. Ye, then, who would regale Ali’mentiveness with the highest earthly dainties, go with him, her, you love into orchard or garden, pluck the choicest fruits, share every peach, pear, with each other, interchange looks, words, of mutual affection, and a sharpened appetite returns its finest, highest gratifi- cation, besides anabling you to eat twice as much with impunity as 94 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. if in a discordant state. And to be pitied he, she, who has no loved one with whom to share a choice dainty. Those men who board at the best hotels, or visit the ice-cream saloons without a woman, or with one they dislike, may call on their dainty and fine fruit and game, but can not begin to enjoy it as they would, if eaten in fond- ness with their sexual mate. And if a husband finds fault with or at his meals, ten chances to one but dissatisfied love causes this dis- satisfaction at meals. How often do wives exemplify this law by waiting till their dinner is cold, and appetite reversed by hunger, instinctively preferring to wait for a loved husband to eat with them, because they take so much more pleasure in eating a cold dinner with him than a warm one without ! And this is reciprocal on his part. That man who gets his dinner u down town/’ besides forming a habit of getting other things there also, but feeds himself poorly. Let him hurry through his work, and postpone his dinner till after his labor is done. Then he can enjoy both labor and dinner. Then alone will his dinner nourish as well as relish. One may eat without injury twice as much in affection as in anger. Nothing is as promotive of dyspepsia as eating in anger, or as specific a panacea for dyspepsia as the pleasant chit-chat of a loving family. Most business men suffer more than they know for, by rushing from business to a restaurant, and guttling down, as with might and main, and rushing back to business, thereby soon becoming too enfeebled to manage their business well. Whereas, let them cat a good breakfast leisurely before business hours, and not eat again till in the bosom of their family, after they have dismissed all business care, all false excitement, they can eat quietly, as well as allow energy to go to the stomach afterward, while they relax in family amusements ; and they will rarely contract dyspepsia, or if dyspeptics, this course will soon cure them. And those who. get their meals down town soon come to care less for family, and to relish other down or up town repasts * while their families anxiously and painfully pine over the absence of both their husband’s and father’s presence and affection. Nor is a table fit to sit down at, unless surrounded by a child or two. Children are as indispensable to a meal as bread itself. And instead of telling your children, “ Let your victuals stop your mouths,” I tell mine to let theirs open theirs. “ Never a cross word or look at table,” should be a family motto. And where families are discordant, each eats separately and by snatches. And if loved wife or child pluck and serve up a plate of delicious berries, or prepare some other choice palatial luxury, such as they know husband and father likes, INDUSTRY AND ECONOMY. 95 or he send home some favorite family dish and she serves it as only affection can serve, how doubly delicious ! 19 ACQUISITIVENESS ENKINDLED BY LOVE. Nor can any motive as effectually rouse love of money, to earn all R can, and keep all it gets, as conjugal love. Those who are happily married, or contemplate marriage, will work better than the unmarried, and command better wages, besides being more frugal, and laying up faster. Considered even as a pecuniary investment, a happy marriage is the best incentive to get a home, and facilitate per- sonal comforts at a trifling cost • while the bachelor must pay higher for poorer fare, and live from hand to mouth. And good enough for him. Come, bachelors, own up handsomely. Tell us truly how much you spend per week for cigars and brandy, for u good cheer” with cronies, for bachelor’s club bills of one kind and another, for wines, etc., at this meeting and that, and other like expenses you can not well avoid without appearing mean. Own up what percentage of your income. Less than half? Is it not usually more? Your being unmarried obliges you to have some society. This throws you among Romans, and obliges you to do about as your Roman associates do. They spend, and you must foot your part of the bill, or spunge. I speak not now of the bad habits there formed. And nothing is more promotive of bad habits and late hours than bachelorism * or of good ones, and early hours, than a happy family. Nor will anything as effectually wean from bad ones. But I speak of the inherent expensiveness neces- sarily attendant on the unmarried state. It takes away all valid excuse for parsimony, whereas marriage furnishes that excuse as well as incentive. Nor can you well help escorting the ladies” hither and yon j and this costs nearly as much as to support an industrious wife. And those not married are expected to pay threes here and fives there, twos for this ride, and tens for that ball, which is not expected of the married, because their families need their earnings. And how much more they enjoy it, too ! Hence it is far more difficult for a young man to lay up than for the married, both earning the same amounts. And what holds the plow, swings the hammer, drives bargains, sails ships, works machinery, and does up the industry of civilization in all its ramifications, but the love sentiment, in common with the family relations. See that toiling laborer work from sun to sun, winter and summer, year in and year out, and throw every dollar as fast as earned into the family treasury, saying, u There, wife, get 96 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT something for yourself and the children.” Let love be struck to-day from the soul of man, and to-morrow hardly a plow would disturb the overgrown earth, or tool or machinery manufacture comforts for the race, or store open, or hum of human industry break in on that uni- versal stagnation, industrial and mental, which must infallibly ensue. We little realize how much of our national prosperity is promoted by love and its requirements. Yet, he who loves will spend lavishly on his loved one — will work even his fingers’ ends off to obviate the need of her doing. Hence, how many fond husbands support their wives in a style of living quite above their means, and of course fail. And how easily loved wife and daughters can coax indulgent husband and father to spend more on dresses, parties, and “style” than can be afforded? And how many work like slaves at counter in business, to indulge their families, yet keep from failing ? Woman, too, is rendered both industrious and frugal by love. How many extravagant girls become economical housekeepers? Before they love they refuse to do the least work; whereas, prompted and instructed by love, they easily learn to cook and sew, even to wash and bake, and do gladly ten thousand things which nothing but love could induce them to attempt ; while industrious girls, by overwork and pinching economy, often gather together articles required for housekeeping. Yet let even an economical woman be unhappily married, and she cares not for her husband’s property, except as far as it enables her to dress splendidly and live in style. Nor is there any accounting for the lavish, almost culpable, wastefulness of many women, but in and by their heartlessness. Their affections starved, their whole being must starve, unless, perchance, they can find a poor substitute in the gaudy trappings of fashionable life. Neither man nor woman “can serve two masters” — husband and fashion; “'for either they will hate the one and neglect the other,” or “ cleave to the one and forsake the other.” And rest assured that she who is devoted to fashion is not, can not be, to family. Her heart is not in the right place. Behold in this, in a thousand other ways, how much the love sentiment incites both Acquisitiveness and intellect to industry and material prosperity ! Said a woman, on deciding not to marry the man she loved: “I mean now just to set my cap for some rich fellow, merely to get the means of living in splendor. I must have some life-motive, or die. If I could live in love with the man I loved, I would not care how humble the style; but, denied that, I will captivate and marry the means of gayety and display.” OVER 8EC RE riYENESS AND CAUTIOUSNESS. 97 Describing a woman who had large Acquisitiveness as economical and industrious, her husband responded : u Perfectly correct in all but her economy. Instead, she is really extravagant and wasteful . 77 She did not love him. His money was nothing to her, except to spend. What incentive to economy had she ? “ Support me,” is the practical language of discordant wedlock • whereas, u Let us lay up something to enjoy hereafter , 77 is that of affection. The differ- ence is amazing. Young men, one special word with you. Many think to work and save on, postponing marriage till they have acquired enough property to support a wife in style. This is a fatal error. In order to enjoy a fortune with a wife, it is absolutely necessary that she help earn it. It is not the ordinance of nature that young persons should start life rich, but that they earn what they have. And both husband and wife should share together any mutual plans and efforts to acquire them property. This alone can give full zest to the mutual luxuries purchased by their mutual earnings. 20 . LOVE ENHANCES OR DEADENS SECRETIVENESS AND CAUTIOUSNESS. Does not love naturally render its subjects reserved? How recluse young, lovers ? Struggling with intense emotion, they yet struggle to hide their passion. Especially does woman often conceal, sometimes even deny, her rising attachment, and say and do what would indicate aversion instead of preference. And how often is a bashful beau utterly unable to express or show what he feels ? And, when lovers come to understand and begin to reciprocate love, do they not desire to be together alone in groves or by-paths ? And, if they tell their love to outsiders, is it not always with an injunction of secresy ? Who ever popped the question 77 before folks ? Nor does or can anything awaken cautiousness to as high a pitch as love. How intensely anxious each loving party to please and gain the other’s love? How fearful, even agonizingly so, lest they dis- please their loved one, and how intense the anxieties consequent on making a final choice ? You, adult reader, have had many anxious thoughts and hours ; but what solicitude as deep as that to awaken love in return, or decide whether you would chose this one or that as a life-partner ? And if a young woman ever needs advice and wis- dom, it is in deciding as to the best resting-place for her affections. Get it, damsel, from the lips of father and mother. Add parental ■wisdom and counsel to youthful affection. And, parents, see that you advise in wisdom, not in prejudice. And how choice, precious, to be protected as our richest treasure, 5 98 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT the one we love ? u Dear girl, you will get wet, and catch cold ; let me throw my coat around you,” says the young lover, as he, exposing himself to the pelting storm, would throw his coat around her delicate form. “ No, dear ) you need it more than I ; your health is the most important,” is her cautionary reply. How tender, careful, watchful, and solicitous are men of the female they love ? And women of their idolized lord ? Always giving him advice, counsel, cautionary sug- gestions, which should be received as marks of affection, not as dis- trusting his judgment. Caution is a natural concomitant of love. None can love without it. And how most agonizing the fear that loved one may die, or is in danger of life or limb? How much more so the fear of disappointing affection once gained ? And how many young wives, their own love most intense, literally quake with fear from day to day, and month to month, lest unintentionally they might do something to lessen his love or unconsciously offend — a fear which often even causes offenses which would not otherwise have transpired. Young wives, do not allow these fears. They only increase the danger. 21. APPROBATIVENESS QUICKENED BY LOVE. Are not insect and bird, turkey and peacock, chattering goose and crowing rooster, arrayed in their most gorgeous robes when making love ? And what is the whole floral process, so exquisitely beauti- ful, but a celebration of their nuptials ? All floral beauty, then, is but the offspring of love. So with man, only more so. Of all the things in all this world of ' ch any human being can ever be proud, we are by far the most so «.n him or her beloved. See that young miss, tickled to death that she has a beau, take him s.11 round, introducing him to every acquaintance she has, and some bao has not, so proud to show how praiseworthy a conquest she has made. And of all the things under the sun of which a woman can possibly be proud, she is by far the most so of gallant attentions be- stowed on her by him she loves, because they are public testimonials of bis esteem for her. They please her Approbativeness. Let that haughty fashionable be proud of her rich dress, her flowing robes, her brilliant diamonds, her handsome figure, or even her feminine graces and accomplishments, she hardly knows what pride means, in comparison with her who is proud of the man she loves, and who loves her — of his portly figure, his polished manners, his nobleness of spirit, his moral tone or unflinching integrity in times of trial, or of his commanding talents. Wife, have you such a hus- OVER PRIDE OF CHARACTER. 99 band, you do not need gaudy attire to swell your approbative senti- ment to its utmost proper bounds. Ye only need to flaunt in fashion- able attire who have not such masculine object of pride. By as much as a noble man excels gaudy trappings, by so much does her pride who loves and is beloved excel hers who dresses genteelly, but is not beloved. Pitiable woman, she who is proud only of her dress ! Her pride is barrenness. She feeds only on husks. The peacock has more to be proud of, for his beauties are natural ] hers only bought. And if women were but proud of affectionate consorts, would they thus run tandem after these foolish milliner fixings ? Nor is there any greater sign that a woman is not proud of his love, than that she is proud of her dress. Dressy women little realize what a practical tale of affectional barrenness their devotion to dress proclaims, namely, that they havemothing else to be proud of. In fact, the very end and object of this dress is to elicit the admira- tion and affection of men. What other do they, can they have ? Every woman whose love is completely satisfied, is satisfied in her pride. Her loved husband praises her, and that suffices. She wants no other, no more. And if she dresses, it is to gratify his pride, not hers. But suspect that woman of unsatisfied love who is all devotion to fashion. The heart’s core of her pride is dissatisfied, and hence her restless craving after praise from others, which she seeks to gain by gaudy furbelows. And this stuck-up aristocracy — this codfish, cotton, mushroom aristocracy — this Nippy, Miss Nancy, aristocracy — this dirty dollar aristocracy — this Miss Flora McFlimsy of Madison Square aristocracy, which is the great rage and ruin of society — is it not consequent mainly on unsatisfied love ? Deprived of the higher, legitimate, pure objects of pride, they take up with sensuous, material objects. Or, reduced to syllogism, is stated thus : 1st. Woman is con- fessedly the chief center of aristocracy in all its forms, phases, and follies. 2d. Woman desires first and most to elicit the praise and ad- miration of men, as a means of gaining their affections. 3d. There- fore those who already have the masculine affection they desire, do not resort to fashionable dress in order to awaken more and other affec- tions, because both pride and affection are already perfectly at rest. And we defy the world to invalidate this syllogism in fact or theory. Man, too, is equally proud of the woman he loves. Walking arm in arm, her womanly face and figure, her charms, and the admiration they awaken, are but feathers in his cap — he practically saying, * c Just see what a fine woman I have selected, and been able to win !” And how he exults when she commends him ! Nothing can begin to feast a man’s Approbativeness as can and do marks of regard, com- 100 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT pliments, commendations from the woman he loves. For nothing else will an ambitious man work as for this. And why do lovers, one and all, involuntarily compliment each other ? Why beaux al- ways praising, often actually flattering, the ladies, but because love naturally elicits Approbativeness — both praises and loves to be praised by ? But, does love ever mention a fault to the one loved, or to others? She who loves is always hiding, extenuating, excusing foibles, even vices. And he who unmasks his wife’s delinquencies, shortcomings, in company, does not love her. Nor does anything kill love stone dead as quickly, as effectually as blame. Appro- bativeness reversed by Combativeness, reverses love. No husband should ever try to obviate a wife’s fault, or wife a husband’s, by cen- sure, for this always invariably, by virtue of the very constitution of the human mind, alienates. It is to love what frost is to the tender vine. It palsies, it wilts, it kills. Hence, all scolding, all fault- finding even, is absolutely incompatible with affection. As much so as cold with heat. Those who love instinctively avoid it as fire. This is not the way the sexes should obviate each other’s faults. And ye alienated, go back to the first hard feeling engendered between you, the first thorn in your side. Was it not thrust in by some fault found by one or the other, or both ? And ye who would re-enkindle lost affection, seal your lips forever against censure. No blame ad- ministered by either sex ever made the other one iota better. But always only worse. Man and woman were ordained in the nature of things to improve each other by praise , not blame. And what is scolding but blame ? Woman, anxious to secure your husband’s love, never allow one sentence of censure to escape your lips. Praise where you can, but leave the rest unsaid. And blame in and by act is quite as deadening to love as by word. All conduct which implies censure necessarily and always alienates. Lead by praise, not drive by whip ; coax as a shepherd his herd. But, more of this hereafter. Till then remember the mental law in which this advice is based. And, of all the things which humble a man, render him downcast, spiritless, crestfallen, mortified, and unable to hold up his head among men at home or abroad, that inflicted by the disreputable conduct of his wife is the most intolerable. A man may indeed bear reproach for his own wrong-doings, but not on account of his wife’s. Reproach his wife even justly, and if he has one remaining spark of love for her, his wrath will boil up and boil over. Nothing equally provokes. And a loving wife, too, becomes almost a maniac in view of any dis- grace heaped on her husband. And, if she finds it deserved, she gives up more humbled than anything else could humble her. OVER-SELF-RESPECT. 101 A dentist near New Bedford, twenty years ago, wrote me thus: “You are now boarding where my wife also boards. I would give the world to regain her lost affection. Will you do me this greatest of favors — ascertain from her what I have done to alienate her love ? And what I can do or suffer, for I will do and suffer anything, to regain it.” On catechising her, she answered : u He lacks sense, yet is very forward in company, and says many ridiculous things, which raise a laugh at his expense, but which he ascribes to his smartness. And I never can or will appear in society, or live as a wife with a laugh- ing-stock.” I made no reconciliatory effort. It was a gone case. In short, all women seek, live in, live for, the approbation of man. And men in and for the favorable estimation of woman. And each does, becomes what awakens it. Its power is absolute — so powerfully does Amativeness elicit or wither Approbativeness — does a right state of the affections elate, a wrong, crush. 22 . LOVE INCREASES SELF-ESTEEM. So, too, self-respect, the natural product of Self-Esteem, is en- hanced immeasurably by a right state of love. Let a man but feel that he is loved by a woman he loves, and he estimates himself the higher because she esteems him. She tells him he is adequate to begin undertakings, and he believes her. She values him — this makes him value himself. He offers his arm — she confidingly accepts. Does he not step off with more masculine dignity and power after than before ? And why ? Because, has he not a valued woman under his protection, bearing practical testimony to his martial power by plac- ing herself under his wing ? Nor is any man duly esteemed in society till he is married. At least, engaged. The “ old bachelor” is deservedly a by- word, because it implies masculine inferiority or inertia. And most wonderfully, more than by anything else, is a man really and truly elevated in his manners, style, morals, everything, by the commendation of his sexual mate. Yet nothing will awake a feeling of self-degradation — as if he were good for nothing, and cared naught what became of himself, a willingness even to fairly throw himself away on any sensuous plea- sures, and the more the better — equally with disappointed love. And the recklessness of many a disappointed youth and married man will be found consequent on blasted love blasting all self-valuation. A woman on whose favor he doted casts him off, and he now casts oft himself. Woman, you little realize the absolute power you wield over man, to build up or break down his self-respect, that basis of all respect. And no small part of the low-lived sensuality, the -self- 102 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT abasement of our men and women, married and single, is consequent on a prior blight to their affections. Nor would or could anything on earth do as much incalculably to elevate individuals and society, and raise humanity upon a higher, loftier ascending moral and intellectual plane, as a right state of the affections. I 23 . LOVE INCREASES OR DEADENS FIRMNESS. I To gain the affections of a woman he idolizes, a man will persevere more untiringly, surmount obstacles with more fortitude, and labor more assiduously than to attain any other end or object of life. Yet there is a point beyond which he may not properly press his suit — when Firmness must yield. Let those who have defied the difficulties and dangers of the briny deep, who have gone South to make their fortunes, in the face of all the diseases and prostrations of climate, who have dug California gold by the year, half starved, half clothed, bereft of most civilized comforts and all luxuries, who by a thousand like ways have attested their love in most superhuman determination and sacrifice, that they might marry and bless the object of their love, but attest how potent the stimulant Amativeness furnishes to Firm- ness. But, love reversed, Firmness is unstrung. The broken-hearted can be led anywhere, tempted every way, with unresisting compliance. 24 . CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ENLIVENED BY LOVE. Reader, have you ever loved ? Then bear this sacred witness, that in and by the very act and fact of loving, you were elevated morally, and your disposition to do right vastly increased thereby. Did not this sacred sentiment place you upon a higher moral platform than you occupied before ? Did it not assuage your groveling passions, purify your desires, and enkindle aspirations for a higher moral life ? And have you never seen even bad men reformed by its power, so as to become good, and good made better ? We will not attempt to com- pare the moralizing power of love with religion — to say which is most efficient in rendering the bad good, and good better; but this we do say, that no bad man can be found who is in a happy state of the affections, for that state would render the very worst of men good, and the very brigand an excellent citizen. It will reform and moralize one and all. I never knew but one criminal who loved his wife, and he robbed the post-office that he might gratify her love of display. Most criminals are badly married, or not married at all. If all were happily mated, to the full satisfaction of the love element, not one criminal lawyer, judge, jury, jailer, State’s prison, or gallows would OVER CONSCIENCE AND HOPE. 10S ever be required, for scarcely a crime would be perpetrated. And what cause of drinking as potent as unsettled love? For it throws all the faculties into a craving, hankering, voracious, half-crazed state, of which alcohol is the expression and natural food. Those who love trip lightly homeward the moment their day’s task is done • and their tempter — hideous monster — if he dare look in, dares not enter. But, let ever so good men and women be unhappy in their affections, and even if they do not stray, they are desperately tempted. And all honor if they resist. To be pitied more than blamed for their sins those whose love is suffering a blight, for that fact deteriorates this moral tone and reinflames their animal passions, besides irritating the nervous system, and thus begets passional cravings. Behold the mighty moral influence of the family over the morals of both parents and children ! Is it not all due to the love element ? Has it not sexuality as its base? For how could we have the family with- out sex, any more than sight without eyes ? And the stronger this sexuality, the more potent the moral power it wields. Blot it out, and little would remain of the power even of religion as a moralizing agent. While this doctrine does not underrate religion, it does not, can not, overrate the virtue-promoting powers of love. Would that even the religious minister appreciated it as a moral lever, and taught its promotion in order to promote righteousness. 25 . INFLUENCE OF LOVE ON HOPE AND DESPAIR. “Man never is , but always to be blessed.”— Pope. To the youthful mind, just opening out upon life, and quaffing iis variegated pleasures, what one surpasses, at all equals, that of hope ! But hope of what renders the expectant youth as really ecstatic, wb ^ literally transports as does the expectation of gaining the heart and hand of one beloved ? And to what other kind of future pleasure does humanity look forward with a tithe as much anticipation as to the joys expected in their prospective union ? “ Now, if I can only succeed in winning the affections of that dear girl, my fortune is made in very deed,” thinks a tender-hearted swain. How bliss- ful ! Our future union will render me so inexpressibly happy !” And so it does, till love is chilled. Said a young lady, talking of a former lover : u I can not help hoping I shall yet marry my George; and if I should, oh how superlatively happy I shall be! — so happy, that I shall not want even to go to heaven, because happy enough on earth, but want to live always.” Hope of neither prop- erty nor fame, of neither attainments nor possessions, of nothing else whatever elates the human soul as does an anticipated marriage with 104 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT one beloved. Testify, ye who have loved, was not this description more than verified in your own delightful experience? And ye who have been disappointed as to speculations, property, or any other cherished hopes, and likewise in love, did not your love disappointment fall on you with a far more crushing weight than all others united ? Would you not prefer success here with disappoint- ment everywhere else, to disappointment here with success everywhere else ? Let loss follow loss in quick succession, till all other hopes are stricken down, and lovers will console each other with, “ Well, since our love remains, since we are spared to each other, and can love on, struggle on together, what matters it?” Adversity with love is better than prosperity with hatred. But let the love hopes perish, and what else remains? Let a woman live in every assurance of a prospective fortune, with all its honors and luxuries — of anything, of everything else whatsoever — but let the frosts of disappointment nip the opening buds of her affec- tions, and she yields to unmitigated despair. This gone, all is gone. And oh, how cheerless and hopeless, how utterly crushed out, that wife who, married unhappily, looks forward only to a life of unre- quited love ! She feels as if the last bud were plucked from the rose- bush of her future anticipation, there remaining only the sere and yellow leaf of autumn, and the leaflessness and dreariness of winter. A man of splendid natural talents, having a magnificent head, one of nature’s noblemen, said : u Let me accompany you to the cars. Ride there with me.” We started. Opening his large but moist eyes, he began : u You have just described myself, wife, and children phrenologically. You touched off graphically those traits which ren- dered it impossible for me to live affectionately with her. I married in the highest hopes and utmost assurance of a happy life. Ten days after, I woke as from a dream — to the terrible consciousness that there existed between us no mutual affinity, only mutual disgust.^ My life was spoiled. I have been good for nothing ever since. Before, I was rising in the world * since, I have been sinking. Before, life was all buoyancy ; since, it has been all one sullen calm. Before, I longed to live ; since, I have craved to die. I am undone !” And fear and despair blurred his vision as he continued : c * Before, my hopes, plans, prospects were bright, exhilarating. This blight blasted all. I had no heart even to try. Could not go into company, because I could neither play the hypocrite nor bear to expose my misfortune * She was miserably sexed. Amativeness was small, and that assimilating, blending element it creates, weak. She could neither love nor elicit love, because barren in the love element . 4 5 He had married a cold, heartless thing TO QUICKEN AND CRUSH HOPE. 105 to others. I had labored with might and main for house, furniture, and creature-comforts before marriage, in the highest expectations of domestic happiness. All now suddenly fled. A cold chill and mental numb-palsy supervened. I have since done barely business enough to live along. I care to do no more. Ambition fled with hope. My most burning intensity for this, that, the other, was suddenly quenched. Intensely desirous of having a growing group of happy children I could call mine, yet religiously believing the great majority of human souls were pre-ordained to suffer eternal torment, I could neither run so great a risk, nor call children mine by so poor a mother. Thus perished ten tedious years of life’s parental heyday. My Calvinistic doctrines changed. But I could hope for only poor, miserable chil- dren by such a mother. You have examined all three. Your ex- amination did not encourage me. It could not. You said they were inferior. They are so. I own it. Such a nfo-union could produce nothing better. They promise hardly mediocrity * Conscious of superior natural endowments, I have let my hands hang down in listless indifference, merely drifting with the current. I have tried my best, but all in vain, to awaken in her something, if only a straw, to save my drowning hopes. For instance: Lately my children had been fired up with the idea of taking part in a public exhibition of their school. They teased pa to go. I said, ‘ Yes, we will take mother, and have a happy jubilee.’ I proposed it in my handsomest manner to her. Children, delighted, chimed in with their persuasions. Wife consented, and seemed pleased. %w,’ said I to myself. £ we will have at least one happy family amusement.’ But she soon began to object. At last, refused to go. This broke the spell. I went with children. They enjoyed it, but kept saying, ‘ Wish mother was here. Pa, why didn’t she come too ?’ Thus far, since marriage, my life has been a perfect blank. I expect nothing in the future. You ascribed to me great energy, ambition, and power to plan and think. I am conscious of possessing all that you ascribed to me by nature, but not in practice. Now, what shall I, can I do ? Try on, of give up, and lie down and wait to die ? I would commit suicide to-day— would throw myself on the railroad track, just before that rushing engine, but that I will not entail on my children and friends the disgrace that their father and relative committed suicide.” Poor man ! A noble ship without her masts ! A soaring eagle with clipped wings ! And lead tied to his claws ! A proud stag without antlers or feet ! A noble man wrecked ! In very deed, * During the examination 1 had expressed astonishment that they fell so far below their r 'ar^i-dly father, ascribing the cause to maternal inanity and depression. 106 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT “ good for nothing” to himself or the world ! Are there no others ? Has he no brothers and sisters in sorrow and disappointment ? The woe- begone facial expression of oh ! how many, perhaps of your own, too, and especially of married women, proclaim a life blighting of hope, of spirit — a vacuity, an inanity, such only as blighted love can in- duce. Few realize from what fountain run their own, much less others’, crushing discouragement. It is from disappointed love. u But why tantalize us by depicting our hopeless wretchedness ?” say some. Wait a little. A brighter page will soon unfold. Fortunately, how- ever, the majority at least of men drown their connubial disappoint- ments in business, which accounts for that incessant drive, drive, drive, early and late, year in and year out, which many men evince. If happy at home, they would spend fewer hours in the counting- house — would not have so much business out evenings. Yet, better business than nothing. But they must do something, or die of sheer inanity. And better business than nothing. Or vicious amusements. And this social desperation rouses Combativeness, and renders them all the more indomitable and grasping — anything to fill the vacuity of disappointment. But it also renders them stern, rough, obstinate, cold, and selfish, and, while it increases their power, it diminishes that softness necessary to sanctify it. And are there no women who, desolate at heart, attempt to supply the place of blighted love-hopes by the frivolities and splendors of fashion ? But, how futile the effort ! Still, better this than despairing inanity. But, if business or fashion were all, the evil would be slight as compared with what it now is. How many, oh ! how many mascu- line vices and feminine frailties result from this very social despair ! Finding no heart-rest at home, they seek in grop-shop and gambling- saloon, and other haunts of infamy, carnal gratifications they would never crave, would even shrink from, if happy in love. 26 . SPIRITUALITY ENKINDLED BY LOVE. Does not love create a certain ethereal, elated, ecstatic feeling — a feeling not of this world, but of another? As if we hardly knew whether we were in the body or out of the body. Testify, ye who have ever loved, whether it did not spiritualize every exercise of all your faculties ? A very highly organized woman becomes, as it were, a prophetess to him she loves. Is any course likely to prove disastrous, she foresees the disaster by, as it were, a spiritual intuition, and sounds her note of alarm. Or, if she, guided by internal pre- sentiments, feels that a given course is best, best it is. So that he OVER THE RELIGIOUS SENTIMENTS. 10T who has a fine-grained and loving wife has a sure guide in all the little, in all the great affairs of life. A sort of guardian-angel, to fore- warn of danger, and point out the path of safety — a possession truly invaluable. But those who hate, never experience either these ecstatic feelings or internal premonitions. This same spirituality is also a natural guide in making a right selection — of which in its place. And that union of spirit, though separated in body, already described, is due mainly to spirituality being re-increased by love. 27 * VENERATION ENKINDLED OR DEADENED BY LOVE. Even the atheist who truly loves will involuntarily invoke Divine guardianship in behalf of her he loves. And it is when the devout worshiper bows before the family altar, thanking God for past bless- ings, and supplicating their continuance, that his veneration raises its highest orisons of gratitude, of prayer, of praise. Phrenology sanc- tions family worship. It is but the confluent action of Veneration and the loves. And no small part of the church-going of mankind is due to the family. Men would not contribute a tithe as much to religion as now, but that they would fain provide a place where they can go to meeting with their families. Ye who have ever loved, testify, did not love infinitely intensify worship ? And despair in love breed in- fidel feelings ? Make you almost feel to “ curse God and die ?” 28 . BENEVOLENCE ENHANCED BY LOVE, BUT HARDENED BY DISAPPOINTMENT. Are not those who love each other ever and forever offering them- selves up upon the altar of each other’s happiness ? And so far from feeling it a task to do for each other, it is but their highest pleasure. Nothing yields the human soul greater happiness than contributing to the happiness of one beloved. All mating animals are one round of mutual kindness. And what superhuman endurance of fatigue, of sleeplessness, of privation and suffering, such as human nature could not possibly endure but for the inspirations of love, do fond wives evince around the sick beds of their husbands ! It is but love’s natural free-will offering. Does his loved one express a want, cost it what it may in exertion, in dollars, is he not but too happy to procure it ? Is not indulgence but the natural language of love ? And that churl who begrudges his wife this or that luxury, be it even a whi does not love, for love would say, 11 Wife, I am so glad that v And that it is in my power to gratify that wish. e I can do for you.” If she must bake or wash, l and water ? 108 POWER OE THE LOVE ELEMENT fined all day — come, let me mind our child while you recreate a bit at concert or lecture. 5 * Next day, will she not say, in return, u Hus- band, can I provide any little table luxury for you to-day ? 55 Is not kindness the natural offering of affection ? Can love exist unattended by sympathy ? Especially how natural for man to supply every possible little comfort to woman ! How much he enjoys bringing home some dainty luxury for her palate ! Some nice acquisition to her wardrobe ! Some article needed about the house ! Thus con- tinually pouring forth his benevolence at her feet. And he who does not, does not love. And she who loves will reciprocate . 13 Will strive to give more than receive. And each be so very careful not to wound the other’s feelings. Nor does true love ever tease or hector. Yet there are husbands who furnish plenty of money and every possible creature-comfort, but omit affection. Are kind, but not fond. And there are also many wives who work early and late, and are the kindest possible, who endeavour to do their whole duty, yet omit that greatest right and kindness of all — affection. Kindness is the smallest half. They do, yet hate. Far better to love more, even though you do less. And what a world of unkindness obtains between discordant hus- bands and wives ! Husbands will often see their wives struggle to their very utmost, and slowly sink as they struggle, under burdens which benevolence could and would lighten or wholly relieve. And the most cold-blooded cruelties ever inflicted by human being on humanity, torturing out their very life by slow but agonizing inches, are often inflicted by hating husbands on hated wives, or hating wives on hated husbands. “ Earth hath no fiend like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.” When hatred supervenes on love, a calloused spirit supervenes on tenderness. Ye married, were ye not somewhat more obliging and tender before marriage than since ? Love has declined. And with it tenderness. Rebuild it, and you restore kindness. While kindness, in like manner, rekindles love. And, per contra, the best way to re- enkindle love is by kindness ; for, by a law of mind we come to love both those on whom we bestow, and from whom we receive, kindly offices. And does not neglect of those we pretend to love both prove our hypocrisy and kill their love ? Said a stricken woman : “ I loved my husband with my whole soul. All my interests were to promote hi To him I consecrated every particle of my strength, m He fell sick. I nursed him till he began to re TO ENHANCE LOVE OF NATURE. 109 sick, consequent on over-devotion to him. But. how great the change ! I could not tear myself from his sick-bed night or day. He could not stay an hour by mine. His work must needs be done, though I suffered of neglect. Now flashed the truth across my mind, that he did not love me. Could not, or he would not thus sacrifice my relief to his work. My love perished. My heart became hardened. Desolate, all alone in the world, another man, who was kind to me, involuntarily re- awakened my love. I tried to reinstate my love, hut in vain. I told my — to me — dead husband all, and confessed, but could not return. And here I am, estranged by unkindness. I would help myself, but can not. Is he, or am I, most to blame ?” 29. CONSTRUCTIVENESS, IDEALITY, AND SUBLIMITY ENHANCED BY LOVE And is not Constructiveness enkindled by love ? Do not mated birds build their pretty nests during their honeymoon ? Or, could they build thus beautifully or artistically unless inspired by love ? Or how many domicils do old bachelors or old maids build ? Blot out love, and only rookeries would be built at all. Nor many even of these. But, no sooner do two settle their love, than, if any way able, they together plan and build their future home, which they consecrate by love. And often spend on it more than they can well afford. And does not love incite as well as increase his mechanical skill ? And does not her hand, prompted and guided by love, execute many articles of ornament or use which only love would have con- ceived or attempted ? Unloving, unloved, she will not work. Will neither make nor repair garments. Whereas, loving, beloved, she becomes both able and willing to cut and make, to work and mend, to draw and paint — anything to help along. And are not lovers proverbially sentimental ? Is not love always poetical ? And poetry the most natural expression of love ? When- ever a youth attempts to versify, rest assured he is beginning to love. Nor can gifted minds write poetry fit to read, unless inspired by love. Are not Byron’s love effusions his most poetic? And Burns’ even more? And Sappho’s most ? And does not love polish the manners ? That awkward country lass, as long as she remains unloving, unloved, cares little how she 110 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT becomes. If naturally attractive, love renders her far more so. Every action seems inspired. Every motion becomes classical, ele- gant , 8 and everything about her the personification of neatness. But in disappointment, her finest attire lacks a certain finish, style, which nothing but love can give it. More so at home in dishabille. Her hair, combed perhaps, but not neat. Her dress, perhaps not rag- ged or filthy, but evincing neglect, as if she did not care to look tidy. Her room in glorious confusion. A disheveled aspect throughout. What else renders so many tidy girls such slatternly housekeepers ? See, too, that disappointed swain. Hat slouched. Boots old. Stockings and linen unwashed. Pins and sticks instead of buttons. Beard long, if he pretends to shave at all • disheveled, if he does not. Hair uncombed. Clothes seedy. Shabby-looking throughout. Only love, or the hope of it, can ever keep a man neat in person. And the fond wife makes and mends, washes and irons, combs and brushes, till she keeps her loved one looking nicely. Further: Does not female society polish men? What would even genteel men be without it ! Coarse boors. Every man proclaims, in and by his manners and appearance, how much he has, or has not, mingled in female society. And the same men are much more cleanly and mannerly in female society than out of it. And woman’s manners are equally refined by mingling with men . 13 Plow wonder- fully the sexes are refined and polished in feeling, in manners, in spirit, by each other ! All by the working of this law — Amativeness as enkindling Ideality. And do not lovers likewise love dearly to hold sweet communion together by rippling stream and in fairy pathways ? In shady grove and by silvery moonlight ? By admiring together beautiful landscape and sunset ? By plucking together pretty flowers, and weaving them into ornamental bouquets ? Does not love render them even too dreamy and unreal for this gross earth and its material relations ? And the very best way to live in affection, and to re-enlist drooping love, is thus to adore God in the beautiful, in nature and art. If the married would but establish a habit of mutually enjoying together the pure and beautiful, they would thereby both assimilate and intensify their love. Try the experiment, ye dissatisfied. If you can and will admire bird, tree, flower, mature, and art to- ON POETRY AND MIRTH. Ill formities. Her flowers now seem dingy. Her charming prospects have lost their charm. Her gayly-plushed songsters have lost their thrilling notes. The plumage of her gay warblers is unheeded, or retrovert the dissatisfied eye. Her very sun rises and sets in odium. “ Thou glorious orb, supremely bright, Just rising from the sea, To cheer all nature with thy light, What are thy beams to me ? “ In vain thy glories bid me rise To hail the new-born day ; But ah ! my morning sacrifice Is but to weep and pray. u But what hath nature’s charms combined, To one whose weary breast Can neither peace nor comfort find, Nor friend whereon to rest ? “ Oh ! never, never, while I live, Shall my heart’s anguish cease ! Come, friendly Death, thy mandate give, And let me be at peace.” And those who write and love sad poetry and minor moods thereby proclaim their affectional disappointment. And also reincrease it. Nor should that class of literature be encouraged. Its entire effect is injurious on health, mind, energy, happiness, humanity. Love eclipsed, all beauty suffers a like eclipse. Nature loses her wonted loveliness. Her bloom is effaced. Her glory departed. And even life itself has lost its young zest, its sparkling freshness, and fallen back in mere vegetative monotony upon those disappointed in love. 30 . IMITATION AND MIRTH INCREASED BY LOVE. By a first law of mind we pattern after, make examples of, those we like, but absolutely refuse to conform to those we dislike. Chil- dren never mimic, except in ridicule, those they hate. But that boy that likes his pa, or uncle, or teacher, is forever doing what they do. Now, is, or is not this a natural human instinct? Animal. even f And how forcibly it appertains to love ! How involuntarily those that love fall in with each other’s habits, idiosyncrasies even ! And how naturally, how perfectly they conform to and assimilate with each other ! The reason for this conformity has already been given. 0 And a most beautiful provision it is, too. Nor should any dispute arise as to which shall set and which, fcll&s: ’ ^le. that loves most will 4 hr ~f 112 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT MIRTH AWAKENED BY LOVE. Was not Cupid called the laughing god ? Does not love bedeck the countenance with its sweetest, loveliest smiles ? How natural to joke those just beginning to love ! And they love to be joked. And what starts the risibles of all, coarse and refined, as quickly as allu- sions to love-matters ? How merry, how light-hearted, how sportive and gay, how lively and frolicsome all who are in love ! But, disappointed, how very sad ! How solemn, serious, woe- begone, and loth to smile, as though bereft of every friend on earth, every dollar, every terrestrial good ! How spiritless and deadened, like fallen dough, those whose love has failed to find congeniality or gratification ! How strangely, sadly, that once lovely woman has altered since her marriage ! Before, so blithe and full of fun. Before, the fiddle of the company. After, how chopfallen ! A smile rarely enlivens her sunken cheek. Only a bastard laugh — a half grin, half glare. And when occasion forces a laugh, she chokes it down, as if it were out of place. At least incongruous. And so it is. Incongruous, because disappointment has stereotyped sadness upon her entire being, till mirth has become sacrilegious. Melancholy is the rule, joy the exception. u Gambol on, merry lamb. Sing away, lively bird. Laugh on, sportive child. You can be happy, I never. But must remain forever bowed down with sadness , 77 is her response to all life and cheerfulness. Why are children and youth universally so much more vivacious than their elders ? Disappointment in love furnishes the main answer. Amusements, too, participated in along with the family, are much more beneficial than solitary recreation. And how much more gross and sensual those amusements in which men participate without than with their families ! And how foolish and frivolous, too, female conversation and sports unattended by children and husband ! Not so when love sanctifies them and their pleasures. / 31 . LOVE PROMOTES OBSERVATION, FORM, SIZE, WEIGHT, AND Does not love sharpen the eye of every lover to scan every motion, every look of the opposite sex in general, and loved one in particular? Do not women observe men much more closely than women ? And ,1 o k lii ■ i tit. i o t\ COLOR. OVER ORDER, TIME, AND TUNE. 113 bouquet, the ornamental dress, the handwriting of the billet-doux — everything? Does it not improve weight, by increasing the spright- liness, briskness, of the walk, dance, every movement of the lover and the loved ? 89 And is not color heightened by love? Behold that beautiful glow on the maiden’s cheek, that modest blush, that ruby lip ! And all painted as none but love can paint. But an ashy pallor supervenes when love dies. And are not all lovers, even the plain clodhopper, passionately fond of flowers when in love? Love also paints all objects in most glowing colors. Landscape is more rich and varied in hue. Peach more finely painted. Flowers tinted with more gorgeous hues. And green all the greener. Yellow all the yellower. And everything more beautifully colored when viewed through eyes of love. The reverse when love is reversed. 32. ORDER, TIME, AND TUNE REINCREASED BY LOVE. Let even a sloven come to love a methodical woman, and he soon becomes spruce and painstaking. Let a slattern become enamored, and she naturally learns to keep her house, clothes, etc., in perfe t order. How many women marry without the first idea of method or housekeeping, whom no motive but to please those they love could induce to touch household matters, become first-rate housekeepers ! But what disorder and confusion worse confounded — no time, no place for anything, meals out of season, everything out of joint — is the natural consequence of discord ! Love and order naturally enkindle each other. Still, disappointment sometimes increases order. A married woman, unloving, unloved, sometimes turns to method and neatness as a diversion or hobby, because she has nothing else on which to expend her energies, and as a relief from the ennui of disappointment. And such become excessively particular. And are not unmarried ladies of questionable age proverbially old-maidish as to order ? And advancing bachelors bachelorish as to the fit and cleanliness of their apparel ? And how many husbands, disappointed in their wives, perhaps dissatisfied with their marriage, make up in extra devotion to business what they lack in devotion to wife? And that we do some- times find excellent bachelor scholars is undeniable — better, possibly, than if in imperfect love. And it is further admitted that conjugal discord often so irritates them, as to cause a pushing out into more energetic efforts than if in a passable state of love. But to a life- long application of either or all the mental faculties a love mood is an indispensability of fact and philosophy. Time, too, is promoted by love. Does not the dance owe its chief 114 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT attraction to perfection in time ? But does it not require both sexes to dance well ? 9 How spiritless, inappropriate, the dance of either sex alone ! And does not that brisk, lively, genteel, gallant style of manners, promoted by Amativeness , 14 also promote the merry dance ? And those who have lost their love care little for the merry ball. Their dancing days are over. Love begets, crushed love crushes, both desire and ability to shake gayly the light, fantastic toe. And do not those who have loved each other keep step in walking, while those who do not love can not, will not step together ? That family regularity in our every-day habits, eating, retiring, rising, everything, both prolongs life and renders it by far happier, Phrenology demonstrates. As also that irregularity is practical suicide. Now, love promotes the former, disappointed love, the latter. And those who truly love will be at home in good time, keep good hours, and be regular in all the duties of life. In short, what one thing promotes health, longevity, scholarship, morals, happiness, and prog- ress as effectually as periodicity, or periodicity as conjugal affection ? And does not love naturally promote song? And do not all sing ing birds sing most, and most sweetly, in their mating season ? And is not the human voice rendered far more sweet and soft, more melo- dious and impassioned by love ? 10 Does not love beget that exhila- ration of spirit which naturally expresses itself in lively music? Nor is a girl’s music worth the hearing. It lacks richness and sexuality. Only the music of those that love is music. All else is trash. None can sing or play charmingly till they have loved. None in disappoint- ment. And why is so much pains taken to render girls accomplished in music, but because, it awakens love, and expresses love ? Because Amativeness and Tune are twins? Not only does sexuality give that deep bass voice to the man, and fine tenor voice to the woman, but the love state softens, sweetens, and enriches the faculties of both . 10 How superlatively enchanting the music of fully-matured women would be, if brought up and kept in an affectionate mood from child- hood, can not be imagined ! Yet, alas ! very rarely indeed is the love of woman completely developed, while the great majority of females have either that mongrel voice, or that tameness and goneness, which disappointment always causes . 10 33. MEMORY INTENSIFIED BY LOVE. Memory, too, is intensified by love. Cast the optics of memory, mature reader, over the vista of your own past. Some scenes strike on your retrospective vision in bolder prominence, in clearer outline, than other reminiscences, like mountain peaks along a day’s journey. OVER LANGUAGE AND REASON. 115 How bounds, how throbs the old heart as memory lights on this, that, the other young love season ! Age remembers nothing as vividly as its young love. Nor does middle age, any age. How vividly Locality recalls the winding pathway, the rippling stream, the little mound, the green-leaved tree, the exact place and looks of every object associated with love ! Lovers remember even the very conversation, words, which passed between them. Every look and act is written imperishably, as with the point of a diamond, upon the tablet of memory. And if husbands and wives, through life, but duly loved each other, that love would consecrate every walk and ride they take together. Every peach they pluck and share. Every delicious morsel eaten in common. Every kind office, how- ever trifling, throughout their entire lives. In short, love hallows, sanctifies, consecrates, and embalms whatever scenes transpire in its sphere. Especially that proudest of all seasons, proposal and accept- ance. But, upon what dwells memory with as painful pangs as on love broken? The first love-spat never is, never can be forgotten. Con- tention hardens, frenzies even, and all the incidents with which they are connected sink right into the very disc of memory with an im- perishable brand, there to stand, hideous, glaring, painful to behold, yet forever before the eye of memory, undying, though dying to die. 34. LOVE AWAKENS LANGUAGE AND REASON. Lovers always have a world to say to each other, And say it always eloquently. On beginning their evening’s chit-chat, they know not what they can find to talk about, hour after hour. But love furnishes both matter and manner. It talks, talks, talks, on, on, on, incessantly. And beautifully. It chooses acceptable words. It even waxes eloquent. It furnishes classical matter and manner to those whom nothing else could raise above mediocrity. They tell each other all. They magnify all. And when separate, they must write. Can not live without it. Write every week. And attentive husbands, away from home, often daily. And write long letters. And beautifully composed. Sheet after sheet, margins included. And written criss-cross at that. Indeed, they never know when to stop : but the more they love and write, the more they want to. And such a words that breathe, and thoughts that burn !” And so much meaning condensed into such intense expressions. Compliments so feelingly, delicately, touchingly expressed. Descriptions how descrip- tive ! Sentiments how sentimentally expressed ! And all so full of thought ! Nothing awakens reflection, forethought, ratiocination, 116 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT contemplation, discrimination, and sense, as does love. It also quickens Causality to advise the very best ways and means of accomplishing ends or escaping danger in emergencies. How much richer, deeper, the flow of ideas in those who love than in the same person unloving and un- loved ! Let those who love and have been loved but recall to mind how full of something to say they were when in love. Are not love-letters, besides being so long, so beautifully composed and written, so glowing, so descriptive, so full of elevated sentiments, better in every single characteristic of fine composition than writings prompted by any other mental stimulus? And would not a volume of the love-letters of gifted minds be the most readable, instructive, poetical, philosophical, and really brilliant book ever penned ? See u Loves of the Poets.” Reader, re-read your own love-letters. Was not every sentence lit- erally inspired? Could you ever have thought it in you to write thus well ? Yet, if you had continued to love, you would have con- tinued to write better and better. The conjugal correspondence of both the Adamses illustrates our point. And the love-letters written to Aaron Burr are said to surpass anything ever written for intensity and beauty of expression. And what imparts to novels their chief attraction but the love-mood in which they are generally composed ? But, let love be blasted, and oh, what dull stupor comes over in- tellect ! A numbness, a palsy of thought and expression ! So unsocial. Answers few. And monosyllables mainly. Averse to conversation on any subject. Face turned from , not to, at table, walking, riding. Those married who do not love say nothing, have nothing to say, think nothing. A vacuity of intellect, of expression. An absent-mindedness as if the entire intellect were deadened. And if there is any weariness most weary, any monotony most monotonous, any repugnance most repugnant, it is being tied for life to one loathed, not loved. The tread-mill, the dungeon, anything^ ather. Most pitiable such. Yet are there not many such ? Do not these doctrines agree with the observation, experience of all who have had either ? And are not, also, 35 . AGREEABLENESS AND HUMAN NATURE ENHANCED BY LOVE? See how much more complimentary, taking, charming, more courte- ous and bland those become who are in love. And the more in love, the more pleasing and winning. And if all were in a love-mood, none would ever be in a cross, repellant one, but always only in a fascinating one. Those in love have a peculiarly attractive way of saying and OVER AGREEABLENESS AND HUMAN NATURE. 117 doing things which invariably draw others around them ; while those in disappointment involuntarily repel. The former are lovely, the latter hateful, to all. One feels, as it were, drawn to the former, but driven from the latter. Love throws its votaries into the honey mood , from its first dawn, as long as it continues. Indeed, what but this very principle gives to the coquette her coquettishness ? And to young women their loveliness ? All the faculties seem to take on an insin- uating action, which throws an indescribable charm, a sacred halo around whatever emanates from them. This being thus as to its outside observers, how much more so to its participants ? How spell-bound, fascinated, each lover by the one be- loved ! But words only mock our subject. Let the actions of lovers, let the memories of those who have loved, bear witness, not merely to the truthfulness of this principle, but to the extent of that truthfulness. Yet, in disappointment, how changed all ! The whole cast of action, then so attractive, has now become so repulsive. Those very faculties which then took on a complexion so lovely, now take on one so hate- ful. Those fascinating little sayings and doings then so smooth, now so rough. Then so soft, now so harsh. Then so sweet, now so sour and bitter. Not to each other merely, but to all — the very cat and dog included. What demon has plucked that wheat, and sown these tares ? Disappointment. Many a time, while describing character phrenologically, have I felt the need of two charts and descriptions for the very same persons, faculties, and combinations — the one for those in love, the other for those in disippointment, so effectually does reversed love reverse the entire tone, cast, and practical workings of the phrenological faculties, throughout all their every-day manifestations. And doubly hateful to the other party. Both being in a hateful mood in general, they become doubly repugnant to each other. While those in disappointment repel all, they doubly repel the party in and by whom they have been disappointed. Indeed, actions tolerably agreeable to others, now become most odious to those offended ; partly because of the disagreeable mood of the acting party, but more so be- cause of the jaundiced eyes of the hating observer. Ye who are unhappily married, please recall the heaven- wide difference between your feelings then and now, and appreciate the double cause; first, the different moods of each, and especially the optics through which each looks, and try to restore your former charms by restoring your former affectional, and therefore captivating mood. Those in disap- pointment little realize how perfectly repugnant that mood renders them. Nor those in love how inexpressibly fascinating. 118 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT Human Nature, or perception of character, is also quickened by love. Do not men instinctively discern the beauties and deformities of female character, and women those of men, sooner than either sex those of its own? Cannot knowing women read men through and through much quicker and better than women women, or men men ? And do not men scrutinize, as it were feel , or scent out the character- istics of women with more instinctive correctness than those of men ? Hence, when a wife, loving and beloved, warns husband against certain masculine acquaintances or customers, he had better heed her warning : and wife those of husband. A beautiful and useful fact in the natural history of love. Yet disappointment blinds this discern- ment, at least of the excellences of the opposite sex, while it sees only their deformities. 36. LOVE BUILDS UP OR BREAKS DOWN THE ENTIRE BEING. In fine, nature has placed the destinies of the entire being on the altar of love. Its normal exercise enkindles a new flame throughout the whole being, to light, warm, intensify, exhilarate, and intoxicate, almost to delirium, not only each individual faculty separately, but also all combined. Beyond all computation does a right state of the affections exalt, ennoble, and electrify the entire man. And doubly c o, woman. Words are powerless to portray its beneficial influences. Imagination, even, can not measure them. No condition, no stimulant, no other faculty, no other motive whatever, at all begins to wield over human life and destiny, over the entire being, as a whole, and every integral part and parcel of it, down throughout all its minutest organs and functions, anything like the quickening, elating, even ecstatic influence wielded by reciprocated affection. It even effects a complete physical and mental regeneration. Its subjects seem to themselves as though new beings. As though a new world had opened upon their enlarged vision, so wonderfully does it quicken and intensify every life-function. Hence, since by a well-known law, exercise strengthens and develops every physical, every mental faculty, and since love warms, elicits, excites every mental, every physical func- tion, of course love cultivates , expands, improves each singly, and all collectively. And the more and longer one loves, the more does this sentiment discipline and develop the whole being : physical, social, passional, aspiring, intellectual, and moral. Nothing improves our entire humanity in comparison with love. It moreover evolves a thousand virtues and powers, which other- wise must lie dormant. It does for humanity what good farming does for rich lands— crowns it with magnificent crops of grains and fruits. TO BUILD UP OR BREAK DOWN. 119 Of course it improves those most who are best sexed, but the less, the weaker this element. And our description pre-supposes not mere spiritless things, but love subjects, fully endowed with this element. And, likewise, its bestowment upon one calculated to call out its latent powers. But does not disappointment exactly reverse this gl owning picture ? Does it not depress all the human functions as far below their natural plane, as a perfect love-state rises them ? Testify, ye who have expe- rienced both. Bear faithful witness, even though against your own selves, ye who to-day lie prostrate, withering in its scorching rays, or seething in its boiling cauldron. Go back — shrink not from the pain- ful reminiscence, it may yet save you — first to those boyish or girlish light-hearted seasons you experienced before you loved. Compare what you then were with what you now are. Then re-read, in memo- ry'^ hallowed page, that delightful bloom your first young love spread throughout your entire being. How beautiful, how glowing the 1 am- bient flame and new life it created ! This sacred life-spell, this new sanctification of your being, re-increased with and by love. But, alas ! your bright love-morning became first clouded, then darkened. Then passion’s winds began to blow. Then arose the bil- lows of sensuality. 45 Then first raged the tempest of carnality. The roaring waves rose mountain high. The tempest blew a perfect hurri- cane. The pouring deluge soiled and drenched your before spotless moral habiliments. Did you walk as proudly, or feel as purely, or care as much for yourself, after, as before? Well done if you so steered your shattered bark before the howling winds as to escape a complete wreck r physical and moral. But was not every seam in that noble vessel — and God, who built it, only knows how noble — strained ? And has she not sailed poorly, and leaked badly, ever since, and been in imminent danger of foundering? Possibly a patched-up love saved you from a final wreck ; stopped some of the largest leaks of passion; re-set some of the flapping sails of good resolutions ; supplied a tem- porary mast of determination — better this than nothing — and saved the fag ends of the rudder of will. But, after all, just compare your- self before with since. The ideal bloom of life effaced ; its glowing colors faded ; its exalted aims lowered ; your entire being partly be- numbed, partly corrupted. Nothing like the same person. Your life, if not a failure, effectually crippled throughout. But I leave the details of this painful picture to your own reminis- cences and consciousness, ye men now living a slip-shod, so-so, drift- wood kind of life, doing just tolerably well, whereas you once aspired so high. Then your ambition was boundless, now it is inert. 2 ’ Then 120 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT you aspired to do great things ; now you are content with mediocrity . 29 Then you were all strung up for herculean effort; now you barely jog on. Then you were for stemming wind and tide; now you paddle along just enough to keep from sinking . 25 Then you loved, and aspired to moral purity and excellence of character, and shrank from vulgarity and sensuality; now, though you mean to live a medium kind of life, you experience nothing like your former abhorrence of the very appear- ance of evil . 24 And your intellect, your love of knowledge, and your capacity to acquire it, have correspondingly declined . 31 32 33 34 A marked deterioration throughout ! But what has caused this mental and physical declension ? Declin- ing love . You may not fully realize this decline, much less either its extent or cause. But there it is for all. While those who have never loved are yet in a chrysalis state of humanity — are apples in June, green yet, not even grown, are but as the worm compared with the butterfly, are on a low human plane — those in disappointment have been lifted above, only to be dashed below, their normal state. And the longer and deeper their love, the more destructive their fall — bones broken, spirits crushed, mind benumbed, moral tone blunted, and the whole being almost a wreck. I have long been scanning humanity through the optics of Phrenology. By its truthful lenses I am doubtless enabled to see more of its pristine beauties and capacities than strike the visions of most of its inspectors. But these same optics disclose everywhere, and in all its aspects, a most lamentable deterioration. How great, only the phrenologist can begin to measure. Nor he only begin. Through these same man-dis- cerning optics I likewise discover its greatest single cause. That cause is not alcoholic. Not that alcohol does not waste, pervert, and even ravage the entire texture of humanity. Nor is that cause nar- cotic. Not but that tobacco is even a greater deteriorator and often de- stroyer of this humanity than alcohol. Nor is it in many of those other causes easily named and unquestionably destructive to humanity. But it is in disappointed , deteriorated love. ib Even that physical degen- eracy, so universal and appalling, is due more to disappointed love than to any other single cause. And I proclaim it deliberately — I would be heard throughout Christendom and Heathendom, by philoso pher and poet, by the learned and the laborer, especially by the ordained moralist — as a conclusion forced upon me by the largest, most varied, most scrutinizing observation, aided by- the best of . all faculties f or examination, that a large proportion of human misery and deterioration, of enfeebled bodies and wrecked minds, of depressed morals and palsied intellects, in short, of the fallen state of man in TO BUILD UP OR BREAK DOWN. 12.1 every aspect of his being, is consequent on disappointed love. Few escape shipwreck on this deadly shoal. Occasionally a happy pair— -angels’ visits — evince perfect love. The woman, how lady-like? Not the ladyism of yon fashionable Miss Flora McFlimsy school, but the outgushings of high, perfect humanity, beautifully, even angelically, expressed. Every word fitly spoken. Every action and motion classical. Every intonation the music of the spheres. Every sentence, every emanation of her moral and social being, angelic. Thus perfect, not because so highly constituted by nature, but because inspired and perfected by love. And that ripe old man, whose life of conjugal affection has elimina- ted every virtuous, and smothered every vicious prodlivity — whose wisdom and goodness shine throughout every act, every look, every expression, but shows how almost superhuqian one and all might and would become if, from the first dawning of childhood , 11 12 all the loves were perfect, and all acting and reacting, from the first smile to the last breath — if the course of true love had begun smoothly, and run more and more smoothly down the stream of life until it emptied into the ocean of eternity. To love a little, a little while, improves a little. To love intensely a little while, improves proportionably. And the more, the more and longer. Nor is it possible for human beings to attain the full stature of humanity, to reach the full human standard, except in and by loving long and heartily. Behold that venerable man ! Mature in judgment. Every motion and expression appropriate. A saint in goodness. A per- fect man ! You admire as you behold. But how became he thus perfect? In and by love mainly. What rounded off his natural asperities ? Love mainly. It has permeated every pore and fiber of his very being, and seasoned and perfected all. And as nothing else could have done. Behold, again, that matronly woman ! A queen among her sons and daughters. A goddess in the family ! How self-sacrificing ! Every word, look, and action the expression of one and all of the human vir- tues ! The outgushing of disinterested goodness ! To know her is to love. She did not become thus perfect in a day • but by a long con- tinued series of instrumentalities. Then by what? In and by love. For is it not adapted to effect this maturity? What but love could attain it ? Then go thou and do likewise. Apply it, gentle reader, to thine own self-perfection, by cultivating a perfect love-state. But disappointed love sours all, as well as curses all. And all women, no matter how good their heads, hearts, or temperaments, are repellant when, and because, their love is reversed . They feel awfully, and this diffuses this awful feelingover all around. They dislike, and 6 122 POWER OF THE LOVE ELEMENT. this renders them disliked . 25 Those who hate are hateful. Those who love, always lovely. Those who fight oil the crushing effects of this disappointment, become Xantippes; repulsive to, and repulsed by all. Some break down under it. Such take on the air and natural language of ci injured innocence , 77 and become so melancholy as to throw all around them into mourning. They speak sadly, as if heart- broken and abused, thereby practically telling observers how shame- fully they have been imposed upon. And this implied and therefore the deepest of all condemnation to husband, of course provokes him, and sours his temper. Nothing is the matter in reality, save that both have been thrown into a hateful mood by the reversed state of Amativeness. And this reverses every other faculty, and renders their every action and expression toward each other repellant. Give me purgatory rather. Our proposition, stated phrenologieally, then amounts to this : Dis- appointed love throws Amativeness into a reversed or abnormal state. Indeed, it is in this state that disappointment consists. And this thereby throws all the other faculties — especially the surrounding propensities — into a like reversed, perverted state, which withers all, spoils all. It renders the lovely, hateful ; the lively, sad; the bright, dull ; the smart, inert; the careful, careless ; the good, good for nothing, even bad ; and the virtuous, wicked. Or thus : All virtue, happiness, morality, goodness consist in the normal or right exercise, and all badness in the reverse or abnormal exercise of the human faculties. And the right state of love both intensifies and normalizes every other human function. While its wrong state both withers, sours, perverts, abnormalizes, and vitiates one and all the other functions. And now, ye human beings, are these things so? Wields love this power over human nature ? Are these delineations too intensified or sweeping ? No, verily. Even half has not been, can not be told. Only the largest observation and experience can duly impress these truths. And the more one observes and experiences, the more powerfully will these things sink down into the innermost recesses of the soul, as the deepest, most eventful realities of human life. And the more perceive than ten thousand virtues and vices, beauties and deformities, talents and inanities, are traceable directly back to the states of the affections. How great the number of those naturally excellent and lovely, now rendered bad and hateful by a desolate heart ! And easily restorable. Their good qualities yet there, though eclipsed. They need only a true love conversion. These things being thus, how incalculably would a right state of love change the entire aspect of human life, individually and collect- LOVE CONTROLS THE DESTINIES OF THE RACE 123 tively ! It would re- convert our now arid moral desert into one great garden of Eden, inexpressibly beautiful and perfect ! The plain fact is, humanity would be but little lower than the angels if their affections were but perfectly developed from the first to the last. All criminals were conceived in hate and born in hate, live in hate, and die hating and hateful. And are fitted by a hateful life for a hateful eternity. Do devils ever love ? Could they even ? Or would they, if they could ? But if they did, would they be devils still ? Would not perfect low, convert even them ? Love is the perfection of the law of humanity, of goodness and happiness, as disappointment is of sin and misery. And that great u social evil,” in all its forms and phases, public and private, of which the Sickles tragedy is but one of millions, has disappointed, and therefore perverted, love for its main cause. This inflames Amativeness, and thereby its surrounding organs, which pro- vokes those drinking, swearing, gambling, rowdy habits which natu- rally affiliate with the amatory vices. Nor can they be materially lessened, except by going to their rootlets — disappointed love Who, in a right state of their affections, perpetrates any of these vices? But of this, more fully in its proper place . 45 46 LOVE CONTROLS THE DESTINIES OF THE RACE. But does not love do for the entire race what it has just been shown to do for the individual ? Since true love thus moralizes, and dis- cord vitiates, the discordant, does not this love element build up or break down the human family as a whole ? If, commissioned from the. court of Heaven to accomplish for man the greatest possible good, even to usher in the latter-day glory, I were allowed to choose but one single instrumentality, that one would be perfect conjugal love. Give to man but one generation of happy marriages, and you give him a millen- nium, and in greater glory and perfection than king or prophet ever dreamed. You take off the raw edge from all his passions, and, be- sides forestalling all public crimes and vices, so purify the individual that all will flee from sin, besides peopling the earth with a race far superior to those who now inhabit it. For the fact is unmistakable, that the children of affectionate wedlock are higher, purer, more amia- ble and affectionate, more intellectual and moral, than those of dis- cordant wedlock . 6 The rationale of this law is more fully set forth in Volume II., and is measurably disclosed in “ Love and Parentage ,’ 7 and Maternity.” Perfect love and a right physical state will usher in and constitute a millennium. Nor can this long-expected, this glorious era transpire 124 POWER OF TEE LOVE ELEMENT. without both. Hence, whatever is calculated to promote conjugal love, therein and thereby ushers in this long-looked-for glory of glories. God works by means. Even the millennium is to be brought about by instru- mentalities. And they must be proportionate and adapted to the work to be accomplished. And what as perfectly adapted as love ? In fact, are not those in love actually in a millennium ? and those in disap- pointment equally in purgatory ? Is not love commensurate with, as well as adapted to, that greatest of all works, human perfection ? To the promotion, then, of this love sentiment, this volume now addresses itself. Scan its truths well, and especially practice its prin- ciples, and then say whether it is not a veritable specific. Having re-read and scanned what has already been written touching the all- powerful influence of love over human destiny, and compared it with your own experience, you will be better prepared to enter upon the proposed inquiry with both earnestness and confidence : — Then how' can so great a human good be promoted ? The answer is, BY FULFILLING THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS of love . 2 As fulfilling the laws of vegetation promotes its growth, but violating them stints it. so of love. To secure great love-crops, it requires only to have a right love husbandry . To this most eventful subject we therefore next address ourselves. LOVE UNIVERSAL AND IMPERIOUS. 125 SECTION III. THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE 37 . LOVE UNIVERSAL AND IMPERIOUS. That love constitutes an integral part and parcel of humanity it- self, has already been demonstrated . 4 5 Every human being in the past, present, and future of the entire race — even every animal, fish, fowl, vegetable, and thing — has, must have, more or less of this element. It forms as necessary a portion of humanity as bones and reason. As air can not be air without oxy- gen, or man man without lungs, so the human mind can not be, with- out having this love element. All are born sexed. “ Male and female created he them.” And mental sexuality always accompanies physical. And their action constitute quite as necessary a function of humanity as breathing or eating . 4 5 And whatever exists, must be exercised. Action is the end of being. As well not be as remain inert. Why were eye, stomach, Ideality, Reason, created but to be used? Every department of humanity was created solely to be exercised. And for nothing else. And this exercise should be coequal with their creation. Then, since all are horn with this love element, all are therefore bound, by the very tenor of their being, to exercise it. From this exercise no man, woman, child, or even animal or vegetable, is, can be exempt. If Nature had intended to excuse any therefrom, she would have cre- ated them neuter genders • whereas, in and by creating one and all male or female, she renders it imperious, obligatory on all to love the opposite sex. As all are solemnly bound to exercise Benevolence, Conscientiousness, Reason, etc., so, and for precisely the same rea- sons, all are placed under the bonds of their primitive constitution to exercise Amativeness. If not, why not ? In this war, as in that with death, u there is no discharge.” All are impelled and compelled thereto. And by the very tenor of their existence. Nor merely for its own sake, but on account also of its influence over all the other human functions . 8 For here, as elsewhere, u whether one member suffers or rejoices, all suffer or rejoice with it.” Its dor- mancy, besides leaving the entire system a barren heath — like leather 126 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. as compared with skin, the texture there to be sure, but bereft of its life-forces — also benumbs the whole being, while its right exercise most wonderfully warms and tones up the entire system . 15 36 Nor is anything so promotive of disease as inaction — disease of lungs and stomach, as their dormancy. Hence love’s dormancy also breeds its disease * and disease spreads. So that dormancy here breeds and spreads disease throughout the entire body and mind. Whereas its right exercise builds up both. Is it not the sacred, paramount duty of all human beings to carry their personal perfection clear up to just as high a point as lies in their power? Then, since perfect love is the great developer of the human being, and depraved love its great deteriorator , 36 therefore, by the duty of self-development, is the prior duty of a right love, as its greatest means. There is, can be, no full human development without it . 36 Nor, if there could be, would it be worth having ; for what is life without love ? A barren sand-bank — an arid desert — a stupendous failure. And ye wTio can look back upon but a single short love-season, can see only a sandy desert, relieved by but one single smiling oasis. While ye who have loved long and fully, can look back upon a life-long pathw r ay, strewed with varie- gated flowers and fruits * the richer and more abundant in proportion to the completeness of love. None can have any perfect exercise of their other faculties without that of love • nor can any build them- selves up into complete manhood or womanhood without basing the temple of self-culture in a perfect love. None can discipline their minds, rectify or intensify their feelings, bring out their moral vir- tues , 24 develop intellect , 34 improve memory 33 or reason, or perfect by culture those Godlike faculties conferred upon them by nature as effectually as by love. As, in the language of Demosthenes, oratory consists in il action, action , action,” and as love promotes, even compels this action, and in its most intense and prolonged form , 36 there- fore, a perfect love constitutes the highest known instrumentality of self-improvement. Whereas, not to love is gradual but virtual sui- cide, and renders one like a hybernating animal, barely alive. Nature’s wants are few T but loud. To love, is the first requisition of nature ; 3 and he who breaks her requirements she w r ill punish. And her chastisements are indeed terrible. None can at all afford to incur them . 2 3 To starve this element is virtually to emasculate one’s whole nature. But her rewards are glorious. And she rew r ards the exercise of this faculty more liberally than that of any other . 3 None can afford to de- prive themselves of these rewards. To cultivate this faculty by exer- cise is quite as important as to cultivate memory, or reason, or poetry, LOVE AND MARRIAGE OBLIGATORY ON ALL. 127 or painting, or any of the other human capacities or virtues. And exercise is its great cultivator. Nor is it enough that it be exercised merely; but, instead, it re- quires to be exercised vigorously . Though a tame action is better than none — a crumb better than starvation — yet it becomes the better in proportion as it is exercised the more. Its hearty life-long exercise can alone fulfill nature’s love requirements. 35 To love a little a little while, is to superinduce a few of its benefits ; whereas, to love thor- oughly and throughout one’s whole life, can alone crown humanity with its choicest flowers and richest fruits. No portion of life not lighted up by this sun of the human soul, but is shrouded in more than Egyptian darkness — and on a sandy desert — a darkness felt , even. Whereas, its perpetual and vigorous exercise is perennial spring, sum- mer, and autumn intercommingled. Then, 0 man, woman, cultivate love : and as assiduously as intellect, devotion, or any other human endowment. As not a day should pass without exercising reason, language, etc., so let no sun set on love unexercised. And that exer- cise should be hearty , and perfectly satisfactory. Nor a tame, listless love, but whole-souled — all you are capable of bestowing and receiv- ing. Nor a few days of courtship and honeymoon love, but one life- long } and perpetually reincreasing with age. And hereafter as well as here. 38. LOVE AND MARRIAGE OBLIGATORY ON ALL. Then, since to love is a first human duty , of course to provide a love object is equally incumbent on each and all. Every human being is sacredly bound to supply all their natural wants. Self-protection is universally acknowledged to be the first law of nature. ' Why? Be- cause those are poorly protected who do not protect themselves. And is not self -provision quite as imperious a duty ? If not, why not ? The fact is, each and every human being, animal, thing even, is a kingdom to self By the sacredness of being even, is the sacredness of our own selfhood. To nothing else do we owe allegiance as oblig- atory as to our own sacred selves, because all our other relations grow out of this tap-root of self God in nature looks to us not merely to protect, but to care for our ownselves , and to furnish ourselves with whatever is necessary for our development and perfection. She fur- nishes abundant material for supplying all the wants of all her creat- ures, but they must search for and partake thereof. She furnishes ma- terial for building houses, making garments, manufacturing useful implements, keeping ourselves warm, etc., but requires that we find and appropriate these materials. Wood grows, but we must convert it into the articles desired. Ores and coal abound, but must bo 128 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. mined , smelted, and fashioned. Nature supplies only the raw mate- rial , leaving us to do the balance. Therefore, since love is a natural institute , 4 5 want, we might infer, d priori , that nature would supply ample material for this love re- quisition. And she has supplied it by creating just about an equal number of males and females throughout all her domains. And how inexpressibly beautiful this equality ! Suppose either sex greatly pre- dominated over the other — males over females — what mighty efforts would the destitute put forth — what bloodshed, what desperation^, even — to obtain by force, by stratagem, by persuasion, by any and every device and exertion, some, even any female, to love, and by whom to be loved ! And vice versa, if females predominated. Then, as when Benjamin’s men were nearly all slaughtered, would ten women lay hold of the skirts of one man’s coat, crying, “ We will eat our own bread, but only let us be called by thy name.” Indeed, what feeds Mormonism but a local disproportion of females to males ? And better two loving one, than one wholly bereft. Nor do any duly realize how infinitely precious to each sex a congenial spirit of the opposite . 14 Gold is indeed precious, because it supplies wants. But a true lover, how much more so, because it supplies a want still more imperious . 37 However precious to a woman is a choice wardrobe, costly jewelry, or sparkling diamonds, how infinitely more so a right resting-place for her love ? And how infinitely thankful one and all should be that our bountiful heavenly Father has created both these sexual demands and supplies ? And about an equal num- ber of each sex ? That each can find a lover? Then shall we not improve this provision ? God provides food by causing it to grow when we fulfill the requisite conditions. Then is it not our duty thus to fulfill them ? And is it not equally our duty to provide a supply for our sexual nature as for our alimentary ? How wrong to make no provision for raiment, for shelter, for intel- lectual culture ! Then is it not equally so to provide a right love object? And those who do not, do deep, palpable injustice to their own sacred entity. As deep as to rob any of their other faculties of their natural aliment. MARRIAGE THE NATURAL SPHERE OF LOVE. And marriage alone furnishes this supply. And that supply is complete. Is every way perfectly satisfactory. Is all that can be desired. All that is required. Is perfection perfected. Is an ordi- nance of nature. And, like all of nature’s other ordinances, abso- lutely perfect in and of itself, and perfectly adapted, in every con- MARRIAGE THE NATURAL SPHERE OF LOVE. 129 ceivable aspect, to fill this love element. And this matrimonial ali- ment is as perfect as the love element it was created to fill. Is na- ture’s infinitely perfect supply of love’s imperious requisition. Is the natural home and ultimate of human sexuality. And absolutely ob- ligatory on all who are sexed. As much so as eating, on all who have stomachs. Not that a partial supply of this sexual element can not be had out- side of wedlock. It can. But that supply is of necessity both par- tial and fitful, and utterly inadequate to fulfill nature’s love requisi- tions. It is irregular ) whereas nature requires a c: day-by-day” supply. Is crude and irritating ; whereas nature requires that it shall be what a true marriage really is, soothing and balmy. Is like feeding on husks. Is more sensualizing than moralizing. Is like feeding on hard, sour, bitter crab-apples, when one can have luscious Baldwin and noble King apples instead, just for the asking. Is like feeding on shucks, every way unsatisfactory and void. And those who rely on it know little of either the sweets or the advantages of love. While a right marriage fills its participants clear up to the brim, throughout every part of their whole being, with just the most healthful aliment and delicious viands it is permitted to mortals to enjoy. It is not for us to pronounce a eulogy on marriage. As well eulogize the god of day, or the fruitfulness of the earth, or the ben- efits conferred by air. It is enough to declare, what will be demon- strated in our next Section, that it is an ordinance of nature , and there- fore both absolutely perfect in and of itself, and absolutely obligatory on every one of her children — as much so as participancy in any of her other provisions for the happiness and perfection of her children . 37 And those who will not, do not marry, are like those who live from hand to mouth, eating roots to-day and bark to-morrow, and but little ever; while those who marry right are like those who fill their store-houses in due season with all the best eatables and fruits needed throughout the year. Those unmarried, are like those who build no habitation — have no shelter from the burning sun or freezing blasts— no place whereon to lay their doomed head, but sleep in storm, in mud, in summer, in winter, just where night overtakes them. And are naked and destitute besides. Whereas those who marry well, are like those who build themselves perfect homes, supply themselves with needed food and raiment, and fulfill the other demands of their nature. Come, say, one and all, is not marriage a natural institute ? The legitimate food of love? And is it not absolutely complete? Then is it not the sacred, bounden duty of one and all to marry ? 6 * 130 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. And because, to love? Those who do not, starve and maltreat their own sacred selves. As self-protection is a first duty, and so of self- provision, therefore love provision, and therefore marriage, is equally so. And for precisely the same reasons. Yet it is not enough to marry merely, any more than merely to love. The mere act of marrying amounts to nothing. To marry without loving is but the solemn mockery of love, along with its barrenness. Only that marriage which fully meets the natural wants of love can suffice. And those who marry but do not love, are just as guilty of self-starvation as those who do not marry at all. Guilty, because they do not love. For love is the main thing, and marriage only its instrumentality. Indeed, better neither love nor marry, than marry to hate * on the principle that starvation is better than poison. For this is both starvation and poisoning. Few things can do humanity equal dam- age. Like stoning the wasp’s nest, it gives only stings instead of honey. It reverses all, corrupts all, more than anything else can do. To all the evils of disappointments 36 it superadds those of the most vitiated perversion. As nothing promotes virtue equally with a right marriage, so nothing breeds vice equally with a wrong . 36 Such per- version is not an absolute necessity, yet it is a general accompani- ment . 45 The marriage of hands with a reversion of hearts is a living death. Is being chained to a putrefying carcass. From its loathsome sight and stench, the Lord deliver us. Like hugging a viper. From its deadly folds and fangs run for dear life. If there is any one human catastrophe to be watched against, striven against, provided against, by every possible means, it is an uncongenial marriage. But if there is any one good to be prayed for, labored for, planned for — if there is any one highest human good, it is a right marriage . 3 If al- lowed to approach the Dispenser of all good with but one single peti- tion, assured that it would be granted, that one would be for a perfect conjugal mate. And those who give thanks at all should offer up their highest, holiest orisons of thanksgiving and praise for the insti- tution of this divine ordinance of love and marriage. That it has been engrafted on human nature. And those who pray at all should pray most fervently for its bestowment. And whoever curses at all, may most justly curse their stars, their blindness, or whatever else has been instrumental in causing a union of hands along with aver- sion of hearts. But since such wrong alliance is never necessary, and since nat ure has provided that all can contract a perfect love, one every way exactly adapted to their especial case, therefore all are solemnly bound not only to contract this sacred alliance, but a right : NATURE'S TRUE TIME TO LOVE AND MARRY. 131 true , genuine , heart-union. And blest throughout their entire being those who do. But punished without mercy those who do not. 39. nature’s true time to love, and marry. Periodicity is a universal institute of nature. It controls every function, every operation of the whole universe. It governs all the motions of all the heavenly bodies, and all the functions of all that lives on earth. Sun, moon, stars, seasons, days, nights come, go, at their appointed periods. There it a natural u time for everything under the sun.” All plants, animals, human beings, have their in- fancy, adolescence, maturity, decline, and death. These periods are inherent in the very constitution of all things, and inwrought through- out all their respective functions. Nor is there merely a time to sow and reap, be born and die, grow and decay ; but what is planted, done in its natural season, prospers far better than out. Of course love, being one of nature’s operations, must also needs have its own natural period, and prosper better when it is observed. Nor but one right time. And that one just exactly right. And because appointed by nature. She is perfect. And so are all her works ] her love-works included. And to a complete love this observance of her natural times and seasons is indispensable. True, though one may make an excellent crop of cotton or corn, even if planted out of time, yet how much better that same crop planted when nature ordains? Then when is nature’s period for planting the seeds of love ? Some physical organs and mental faculties develop earlier, some later than others. Thus the vital organs establish themselves earlier and faster than the muscular and cerebral, memory than reason, and the propensities than moral faculties. Just as the stalk before the ear. And love is the last to develop of all the human functions. Amativeness at birth is smaller, as compared with its adult size, than any other organ. True, boys and girls do, should have a sort of love for each other, yet how insignificant as compared with appetite or hunger ! And espe- cially with this same love passion after they become grown ! Child- hood’s love is ephemeral : formed, forgotten, and re-formed in a day — is dike ante-natal exercise, useless in itself, - but instituted only fo strengthen those muscles for post-natal activity and power. And thus it slumbers on, gaining giant strength by its merely partial action, till puberty gives it additional stimulus and force. But even yet it fails to assert its full power, taking on barely sufficient action to develop itself. And that action more personal than mental, till the. 132 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE entire body, now formed and consolidated— b6nes dense, joints perfect, muscles full sized and tort, the whole being aching with strength, and the mind, even reason fairly established, in short, the whole system formed, the brain full, even overflowing in all its functions — now comes, last and most powerful of all, the period of love. Reference is now had, not to boy-and-girl love, nor to puppet love, not even to the fancies of youth, but to that perfect meeting and inter-commingling of two congenial spirits, which electrifies all, improves all. That which after the building has been framed, raises, incloses, furnishes, and inhabits it. That which establishes a new era throughout the entire being — which constitutes the first great life-motive, and now becomes the helm of that life. But the true period of love can be inferred only from its natural end. That end is offspring. And as children inherit the conditions of their parents, those born during parental immaturity are of neces- sity but poorly constituted. Nature, therefore, wisely postpones this fullness of love until after the constitution has attained both its growth and solidity. This occurs about the twentieth year in human life. Earlier in those shorter lived • latest in those who mature late, and hence live the longer ; but a year or two later in the male than female, because it takes him longer to mature than her. Later in country than in city ; north than south ; on mountains than in valleys • latterly than formerly; in the uncultivated than in our fast, hot-house prematures of fashionable life. And the earlier, the more nervous and excitable the subject. But twenty is about the average natural period in females ) and twenty-one or two for males. Yet, observe, it is the maturity of constitution that determines this point, rather than the age by years. Hence, we say twenty or twenty-two as signifying that stage in human life reached at about this age, or when the human constitution becomes fairly developed. But as society now is, this period usually arrives long before twenty. Not that they are matured ; but that bad physical habits, a sedentary life, tea, coffee, condiments, tobacco, and spirituous liquors, excessive cerebral as compared to muscular exercise, our hot-house school sys- tem — which usually kills while it educates, and kills to educate, and educates to kill — our accursed fashionable usages, novel reading in- cluded, thus making our youth petit men and women while only yet boys and girls, have prematurely lighted and fanned the fires of false excitement throughout their whole beings, and produced a half wild delirium, a feverish hankering, a craving for something new, something more, expressly calculated to fire up all the impulses, love included, NATURE'S TRUE TIME TO LOVE AND MARRY. 133 to a fever heat, thereby not only inducing that premature and per- verted action which *’ marries in haste only to repent at leisure , 77 but both perverts and burns out this very love element itself, rendering it ever afterward well-nigh impotent, yet ever craving in its weakness . 47 And many a discordant marriage has eventuated in this premature, and therefore perverted action. When will our youth learn wisdom ? On account of this prematurity it may be, probably is, the least evil, that at least a majority of our city and village youth form their love-alliances before twenty. Especially girls. The more so because these hygienic errors diminish, and often obliterate, their charms be- fore twenty. u Sweet sixteen 7 * means that the female loveliness begins then to fade, which is generally the case. But never need to, never should. A girl at sixteen, as far as her charms are concerned, is what the bud just beginning to open is to the full-blown rose. She might, ought to, would, if she lived a true physiological life, grow more and more charming, until at least twenty-three, and retain her bloom until past forty. And if there is any one evil over which pa- rents and patriots, philanthropists, and even stoics, should mourn, it is over this premature feminine development and decline. And our mammas aggravate this evil by hurrying their daughters into and through schools and society, and into and through love, and marriage even, in order that they may make their matches before the beauties of sweet sixteen 77 have wilted in faded eighteen, or died out in old- maidish twenty. Senseless girls ! Idiotic mothers ! Why not rather, by right health-habits, prolong, only to re-increase, the budding attrac- tions of sixteen into the full-bloom beauties of twenty, and the pro- longed glories of twenty-four? It is the world-wide reproach of American females that they fade before twenty, and become shriveled, withered grannies before thirty. Come, my countrywomen, wipe out this stigma by so obeying the laws of life as to protract your captivat- ing period, and re-increase your charms until at least twenty-four, so as to give you ample time to plant the seeds of love aright. One of the evils of premature parentage is its exhausting overdraft on the constitution. And this is doubly great in young mothers. They often, by bestowing more energy upon their children than they have to spare, break themselves down for life. Too often perish from among mortals. Whereas, had they waited until nature gave them a surplus of vitality, these maternal relations would have built them, up and saved their children too, instead of, as now, breaking them down. No female is at all fit to marry until past eighteen • nor any young man to fulfill the dignified relation of father until past twenty. Wait till nature’s period arrives, and reap your reward. And the more because 134 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. Miss Young America is so very small, slim, poor, delicate, fragile, and nervous. If she were a great, strong, robust romp, it might do better. Besides, the tastes of a man do not mature till at least nineteen, nor of a girl till seventeen. They may have their fancies before, but not genuine love tastes. Yet these tastes mature in her about nine- teen, in him about twenty, so that a girl that might tickle his fancy at eighteen, might not at all suit his more mature tastes after twenty ; whereas one that truly harmonizes with them at twenty, is almost certain to do so ever afterwards, because the base of their likes is now established for life, but were not before. And the same as to girls before eighteen. Besides, hearken to this plea for girls. Let them remain girls till nature makes them women. Girlhood is quite as essential a priority to womahood as the growth of fruits is to their ripening. Spoil that colt if you will by premature overwork, but be persuaded to let that girl live omt her girlhood, before imposing on her all the cares, re- sponsibilities, and exhaustions of the wife and mother. Nature ma- tures her seeds before requiring them to germinate. And all great men are from meridian mothers, not one from mothers under twenty-three. “ But, what is everything, girls are at least innocent and virtuous.” If you could postpone marriage till she became full grown, this might answer. But the trouble lies in waiting. Love is impatient. And above all remember that her love sentiment is much more easily reversed while so young than it will be after more age has strength- ened it ; and hence those very same discordant conditions, which at sixteen would first disgust, then alienate, would be tolerated, perhaps even liked, by the ripened instincts of twenty. And much more liable to contract ailments, if married too young than when full grown. There are also some other weighty reasons of a physiological bearing, too important to be ignored. She is also much more shy and bashful than when older, and this feeling much more liable to be abraded. Our young men, too, must needs become gentlemen the day they cease to be babes. Must hurry into and through college. Must smoke, chew, drink, swear, and carouse before puberty. Must make and lose a fortune while yet in their teens. Must have a love affair, and practice at least all the masculine vices, while yet only boys. They know more of vice now at thirteen than their fathers at thirty. “ Early ripe,” inbahoy’s habits, they may require to marry too young, in order to save them from “early rotten.” Indeed, mushroom pre- cocity is par excellence an American commodity, and superabounds. And applies to the love sentiments more than to any other; and most fatal, too, are its consequences. NATURE’S TRUE TIME TO LOVE AND MARRY. 135 Moreover, a true marriage implies a right selection. And this re- quires mature judgment. Human life never needs the guidance of reason more than when scanning prospective matrimonial results, weighing the consequences of this, that course, before making a mat- rimonial selection. Thoughtlessness, a want of forecast, is one great means of ill-assorted marriages. Many married, but disappointed, might, on looking back, say to themselves : — ^ 1 Thoughtless ! I might have known better. Why did I not see this and that sooner ? It was just as plainly perceptible as the nose on a man’s face. . If I had only stopped to think, how differently I should have done and been !” By a first law of mind, intellect is required to guide all our actions. And in nothing more than marriage. Giddy youth should not take so eventful a step. Females just begin to come to their senses ” about sixteen j males, at seventeen or eighteen. Yet it even then takes a couple of years before reason becomes sufficiently developed to be trusted in matters thus important. And then what silly, awkward work boys and girls do make of love and courtship ! Why should they not ? This sentiment is green yet : how can its manifestations be otherwise ? And those who wish merely to enjoy — to derive the most happiness practicable from courtship — must wait nature’s season. If all of nature’s laws were fully observed, she would doubtlessly extend her love-establishing period till twenty-three or four in a woman, and twenty-four or five in a man. But no longer. She is a great economist. She provides that nothing be lost. Every plant, tree, animal, has its particular age during its lifetime dedicated expressly to its reproduction. This is equally true of man. It is permitted to nothing to u multiply” during either juvenility or old age. This great work is assigned exclusively to the most vigorous period of life, in order that the utmost of parental vigor may be con- ferred on their issue. Hence, just as fast as she matures any of her works, she sets them to executing her greatest w~ork — reproduction. 8 She wastes no time after the growth of corn-stalk before commanding it to “ multiply” its kind, and obliges it to obey. So of all that grows. So of humanity in general, and every individual in particular. So of you, 0 young man and woman. And you neglect her work only at your cost. You both forego her reward of labor, and incur her pen- alties of inertia. And they are great, indeed. Then, form your love alliance just as soon as you find yourself fully, fairly matured. Not that one must needs marry at these seasons, but select, mate, and cherish affection. This selection requires time to deliberate. 136 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. Girls well constituted are always too bashful to decide wisely off- hand. One may decide to reject sooner, but not to accept. Courtship should also occupy some time. Love rarely springs up in a day. Of sudden love we shall speak elsewhere. Suffice it here to advise — First. That you be mated by twenty-one. Secondly. That you court a full year. Thirdly. That being now fully matured, you marry within two years after mating. Only extra circumstances should postpone it longer. Still, those who postpone their decision later, may consum- mate their union the sooner. But as nature curbs, and with double check, those who precede her order of march, so she lashes up, and that with terrible severity, those who lag far behind. On time , is her universal motto. Her true pa- rental period fairly commences about twenty, but begins to wind off soon after forty. Especially the maternal. During that hey-day of female life, her system furnishes a much greater supply of life-mate- rial and spirit-force than can be consumed upon itself. This surplus must be worked off somehow, or plethora, false excitement, inertia, necessarily supervene. Her own seff-preservation and protection require maternity for this consumption. And her whole being craves, pmes, and w r astes if she neglects this mandate of nature. il Old maid”- ishness becomes both her inevitable doom and punishment if she declines. An aching void, a practical starvation of her entire sexual- ity, mental and physical, together with the negation of love and all its rewards , 11 a void nothing else can fill, now supervenes. This ele- ment either wanes or becomes perverted. Must. She may, indeed, partially save herself by loving, without marriage or maternity — better, possibly, than no love at all — but is feeding this element only on the husks, instead of on the bread and fruits of true love. It is written by the hand of nature into the feminine consti- tution, thatpfrom maturity to decrepitude, she must live in and for her lover and their young. Every feminine is constituted to live in and for, not herself, iror other human ends, but for some masculine , and their mutual children ; and she who declines, ignores Heaven’s highest, most sacred 3 mandate, and thereby incurs the penalties of disobedience. Not the penalties of an ordinary law broken, but one superlative } And suffers proportionately. Scarcely less a sinner, sufferer, man. What is God’s first command to plant, tree, river, animal, man, as an individual, a race? Develop thyself. Excelsior. Make of thyself just as complete a sample of thy kind as it lies in thy power to make. NATURE’S TRUE TIME TO LOVE AND MARRY. 137 But what next ? u Connect thyself parentally with posterity, as thou thyself hast been connected with thy ancestry . 77 And Nature will have her laws fulfilled, or refractories punished. And the mandate of Nature is the will of God. To ignore her love mandate, then, is to disobey and offend Divinity : whereas, obedience is worship , and u bet- ter than sacrifice . 77 God in nature never takes excuses. Never grants furloughs. 11 Obey and enjoy. Violate and suffer , 77 is her laconic edict, her only alternative. And in refusing, you not only rob your own soul, curse your own self, but rob and curse another. And that a female. The last being a man ever should, ought to, will wrong . 14 If nature produced more males than females, the surplus would be excused, provided pairing is a natural institute — a problem soon to be discussed. But since their number is about equal, every man who omits to take some woman, thereby does the female sex in general, and some one in particular, the greatest wrong she can suffer. And vice versa of those women who refuse to love and be loved. So does he who emigrates before he chooses his loved one. And Mormonism is fed by this local disproportion of females to males, of which it is a partial relief. Nor is any man old enough to emigrate unless old enough to mate. If he is loth to expose her to all the privations he himself proposes to encounter, let him vow or w r ed first, and go indeed, but stay only just long enough to cut down, roughs hew, and prepare the way for her advent. Look at Nantucket and New Bedford — at most of New England, for that matter, on the one hand, and the great South and West, California included, on the other : the former superabounds with highly educated females, rich in all the wealth of a superior woman’s love, literally starving to death by*slow but agonizing inches, in vain efforts to find some one to live foil One on whom to bestow that most precious of all treasures, a woman’s whole-souled affection. But seeking in vain. And perishing in the search. But, per contra , throughout the great South and AJTest, most on the Rocky Mountain vesper slope, are men of all ages and nations, per- ishing without a feminine companion in their labors and acquisitions, becoming more and more corrupt simply for want of that female in- fluence which a true wife alone can exert over man — and as neces- sary to every masculine as food or money — seeking in the lower forms of vice what a true woman would supply in the higher forms of vir- tue. Rich perhaps in dollars, yet valueless unless shared with, showered on, woman. Talented indeed, but their talent, like Cali- 138 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. fornia gold twenty years ago. there, but imbedded in dirt and stones — undiscovered yet, of course uncultivated. Full by nature of noble masculine traits, but they are either perverted or lie dormant, just for want of that stimulant to self-improvement which the feminine alone can supply, yet as necessary to every masculine as bread to body. And so eager is this demand, that any respectable young woman who goes there to teach, or even to sew, is snatched right up. And so speedily, that the school committees of New Orleans, and other South- ern and Western towns, require every unmarried female teacher — those quite advanced included — to sign a contract not to marry for a year after opening their schools. And even then lose many of their te'achers. And how many rich old bachelors come North in summer merely to find wives ? And ladies go South or West mainly to find husbands ? And ought to. And such prospectors are worth having, too. They recognize this natural want, and have the energy to at- tempt its supply. Bravo ! u More !” is still the cry, and “yet they come,” should be the answer. But, young man, remember your true course is not to hurry into the world till you have planted your affections. This gives you a sheet-anchor to prevent your surging and lurching hither and yon. A pole-star to guide your journeying, and invite your return. A life- motive to work to. A sweet remembrance in privation, in place of luxurious dissatisfaction. An object to live for in place of an object- less drift-wood kind of life. And if suffer or die you must, the great- est consolation earth can afford in trials. And you make a loved one happy besides. The fact is, this help-meet institute is one of nature’s requisitions, bin’ding upon every man, from at least twenty-four, if not earlier. And woman from and after twenty-three. And those who ignore it do so at their peril. “ Then how shall I know -when my time to love has come ?” By these two infallible signs : First, that you have become a fully and fairly developed man or woman. Secondly, the monitions of your own being. Nature proclaims her wants by her appetites. Her need of food by hunger. Of sleep, by weariness. Of warmth, by chilli- ness. Of intellectual culture, by desire for it. And so of love. Its monitions lag behind all nature’s other cravings in order that, once developed, it may surpass them all. But come it must, come it does, to each and all who are sexed. Nor can it any more be postponed or ignored than birth, or death. No one can ^ay, “ I will neither love nor care for the other sex,” any more than say, “ I will neither eat nor hunger.” But as all must either eat or crave food unless their NATURE’S TRUE TIME TO LOVE AND MARRY. 139 stomachs are destroyed, so all must either love, or endure the long- ings, pinings, gnawings of unplaced love, unless and until their sex- uality has become obsolete, and they thereby rendered neuter gender things. This is nature’s fiat. Of course, these cravings are the more passive in some and vigor- ous in others, in proportion as their sexuality is stronger or w T eaker. But as all are sexed, therefore all must love, do love, more or less, sooner or later. And to deny it after maturity is either thereby to proclaim impoverished sexuality, or falsify their own experience. Proclaim that they are girls and boys yet. For it is this very love alone which converts the boy into the man, and the girl into the woman. Be it that a given masculine is even forty, and weighs two hundred, he is nevertheless, to all practical intents and purposes, a mere boy yet, until love comes to render him a man. And the more and longer he loves, the more and still more he becomes masculinized. The simple, sole office of the male, per se : is to love the female. It is in this very love that manhood consists. And the two are in propor- tion to each other. Nor, till he loves, does or can any masculine feel his manly spirit awakened within him. Loving but a little will ren- der a man, even superior by nature, practically deficient in masculin- ity. While loving long, truly, and much will render even a poorly sexed masculine very much of a man, because it natually develops his manliness . 11 32 Nor is there any telling how great, how almost uni- versal this decline of the very heart’s core of masculine character con- sequent on imperfect or reversed love. Such emasculated wrecks stare the practiced eye everywhere full in its orbit. They have dis- obeyed nature’s love-summons, and this impaired masculinity is their consequent doom. And just. And vice versa woman. Love alone changes, can change, her from the girl to the woman. Be she however learned, good, intelligent, even pious, till she loves, she is, can be, “ only a girl.” Her actions, conversations, feelings, objects, interests, spirit, everything, are green,” girlish yet. Nor can anything but love remove the garments of girl- hood, or array her in the magnificent robes of the woman. And the more, the more she loves. A little love works a great change. A great deal, one how marvelous ! She is anything but the same being. The fountain-head of all her actions and feelings has become feminine, and this imparts a true feminine touch to whatever emanates from her. Pteader, this is more true than appears at first sight. Reflect. Ob- serve not merely that it is true, but how true it is. And behold un- told feminine skeletons wrecked simply by the starvation of their love. When nature ushered in their love season, they thoughtlessly sported 140 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. with it or else neglected it. Or allowed one or many of a thousand causes to give it the go-by. Or perhaps the fault lay partly on the other side. At all events, it failed. Their love-season passes, and love-summer ends * but their love is not planted. Perhaps married, even, yet unloving, unloved, unlovely, unwomanly. Because sapped at the very core of their feminine constitution . 6 35 Yet how many, and oh ! how wretched, too, these mongrel specimens of humanity. Accustomed to their fate, they little realize how much they sutler — and ignorance here is bliss — much less the cause. Their God, in the mandate of their nature, called them to the banquet of love, but they disobeyed. And a life-long famine of love is their consequent dread- ful doom. Nor is their punishment greater than their sin. For the very power of these monitions should have taught them tho corre- sponding importance of giving heed thereto. This love season is sacred. It forms an epoch in every human life. It causes old things to pass away, and renders all things new. It opens up a bright, a glorious life-sun. It thoroughly revolutionizes the entire being. Boys and girls before, they have now become fully developed men or women. Go back, ye who have ever loved, to your own experiences. Let your own halcyon consciousness attest — and its attestation is true, only that it does not, can not, attest the half — how fundamentally the transformation. And let this duly impress the practical importance of this sacred life-period. It is no trifling era; but big with tremendous consequences. It is not a u mountain laboring to bring forth a mouse, ” but to life’s entire garner what seed-time is to harvest. It strikes upon your inner consciousness as the eventful period of your being. Then heed, ye who would perfect, would not even spoil, that life. No sacrilege is, can be, greater than trifling therewith. God forbid that any reader should thus sin, thus suffer. Instead, God grant that ye all may hearken to these demands of love. Yet this sacred season too often opens out on its unconscious subjeot alt at once. It takes them by surprise, and all unprepared. They nei- ther know what it is, or what it means. How should they? What little they have ever heard of love was said in jest. Never one sol- itary word respecting even the period itself. Much less either a prep- aration for it, or a right management of it. We send our children to school to learn arithmetic in order to prepare them against occasions requiring its use. Then why not also prepare them for the advent of this loi je-season, by teaching them both its prospective coming and requisitions, and the evil consequences of its ebuse? Modern school- ing is indeed important, but teaches things that bear no comparison in NATURE’S TRUE TIME TO LOVE AND MARRY. 141 practical importance with those remaining untaught. Of which the philosophy and right management of this love element furnishes a striking example. And which must yet he taught . Only once let Phrenology come to be introduced into our schools — and I mean to live and labor till this is done — and it will effectually inculcate these now overlooked, but vitally important lessons. One other reason why this love-season creeps, cat-like, slowly, only to spring suddenly upon its victims, is found in the previous starvation of this element. If boys were fondled by their mothers and aunts, 12 and girls by their fathers and uncles if children and youth exer- cised this faculty aright, 13 it would never, as now, open upon them almost instantly. As the river, dammed up in its natural channel, rises and keeps rising, flooding above, until, finally bursting through all obstructions, it sweeps all before it; so the undue juvenile re- straint and starvation of love, when they do not dry up its waters by unsexing them, renders this sudden love almost a necessity, and so vio- lent as to defy reason, parental counsel, often moral sentiment even, rendering them actually mad and blind ; whereas its natural and therefore proper juvenile exercise would have brought it on much later and more gradually, and likewise so disciplined it that it would have been held in reserve until it found a proper object. But its starvation renders it so ravenous that it greedily devours whatever food offers. Parents and guardians, please duly consider this point, and ye who have experience, compare it therewith. Moreover, a full understanding of this matter, its demands and laws, would naturally both prepare its subjects for its advent, put them on the watch-tower of observation for a suitable object, and enable them to hold it in abeyance for years, if needs be, till they have found a congenial spirit ; whereas, not being thus on the qui vive, they are seized unawares and doomed. Then, 0 thoughtless youth, “ get thy house in order” by or before twenty-two — yet hold love back till at least eighteen — that you may welcome this sacred guest of thy nature, and treat it hospitably, and in accordance with nature’s requisitions. And this you will certainly do. if and as far as you fulfill nature’s instincts. It is an advent too important to be either unduly hastened or postponed, much less treat- ed rudely — as 0 ho\y many do treat it. and spoil themselves thereby. When it raps at the door of your affections, when it speaks, here, an- swer and obey. And let every young man and woman see to it that they provide this sacred demand of their being its life-home, its other self, by or before its twenty-fourth year. Not that they must neces- sarily marry, but locate their affections. That done, the period of 142 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. their legal consummation is less important, and may be postponed a short time with comparative impunity. Up to twenty-four, or even longer, young persons may content themselves with knocking or being knocked about * seeing the world, and sowing wild oats — the less the better. But after twenty-six at farthest, they require settled homes, domestic comforts, and those dignities conferred by the family rela- tions. Indeed, a family to nurse, and to be nursed by. Need those little helps which a companion and children can render, and the in- centives to effort they furnish, as well as that position in society they help to confer. Nor can any human being be fairly developed or ma- tured without this discipline and incentive . 35 They warm the heart and awaken and keep up glowing sympathies. Provoke gratitude to God, and love to man. Try the patience, even, and tax the intellect quite as effectually as does any other human motive. The plain fact is, children are a necessity to a complete human life, and doubly so to feminine. They mature it. Nor can it be fully developed without them. They elicit its virtues, inspire its ef- forts, sweeten all its pleasures, tax and sustain its intellectual pow- ers to devise and execute, furnish its great central motive to effort, and rouse, electrify, and perfect the whole being. This is especially true of the female. Her life becomes tame and objectless indeed, without children to live for and love. And those her own. But most spirited and self-improving with. I said to a friend of mine, advancing in years — “ Come, it is high time you were married . 77 11 But you don’t catch this child.” u Yet you will feel the need of a family at forty . 77 u Then I will marry at forty . 77 “ But that will be like planting corn in August” The fact is — and is a universal natural institute — that those who would reap , must sow. That seed-time must precede harvest. That he who will not plant , shall not gather. A truth pre-eminently appli- cable to each and all the family relations. To be pitied those who, during their palmy days, have made no provision for a family to love and live for. And the more pitiable the older they grow. Yet is pitied just the word V Should not blamed be added ? Their sin of omission “has found them out , 77 and summoned them to judgment. And that judgment reincreases as life advances. Nor ends with this life. God has conferred immortality on human- ity. And relates this life to that to come. So that the childless here must remain childless there. No own children there to call them blessed. No legitimate food or resting-place for that large organ, OLD-BACHELORISM AND OLD-MAIDISM. 143 Parental Love. Let those who choose, thus neglect nature’s family requirements ) but let me fulfill them. Let me have wife and chil- dren, here and hereafter, to love and live for, and by whom to be be- loved and lived for. Even if they must die at birth, yet they exist, which is everything. And I can u go to them,” even if they can not come to me. 40. OLD-BACHELORISM AND OLD-MAIDISM. This principle naturally, necessarily arrays old bachelors and old maids before this tribunal of love for adjudication, seeming condem- nation, on the charge of delinquency. Not that we array them, as is too often done, just to raise a laugh at their expense. Nor yet to sym- pathize with, or stigmatize them. Still, we would kindly scan their excuses. Nor yet be personal, and hence array old bachelor and old maid •ism as an institution , and aver, in the broadest, most unqualified terms, let it be abolished. Let not one old bachelor or old maid be found in all our borders. All are sexed ; therefore all are created to marry, as much as to eat. And those who refuse are just as guilty as those who will not talk or think. And the more any are masculinized or femininized, the more they are cursed in and by celibacy, but blessed in a true marriage. Those but poorly sexed are less “ draft- ed” into the matrimonial service than those well sexed. Nor as much pre-inclined. Such enjoy less in marriage, suffer less in celibacy. And are perhaps the more excusable. Yet as swinging up a weak hand only renders it the weaker ; so the dormancy of the love element both diminishes desire to marry, and forestalls its beneficent influ- ences . 35 38 If he who has deficient conscientiousness, or worship, or memory, etc., is therefore excusable for rendering them still weaker by disuse, then are those poorly sexed and disinclined to love excusa- ble for not loving. But as it is their undoubted duty to cultivate all the more assiduously what little remains, so a weak matrimonial in- clination should be a stimulant to its exercise, instead of excuse for additional dormancy and decline. As those endowed by nature with but little sense are not to blame for not having it, but only for not ex- ercising what little they do have, so those little inclined to woo, be wooed, or wed, are therefore the more blamable and punishable for not occupying the single matrimonial talent they do have. Hence they who desire to marry least, usually need to most. Yet there are undoubtedly cases of justifiable nominal celibacy. The following anecdote will indicate such : My wife had a dear maid- i en friend of fifty, to whom I one day said — il Eliza, why did you not marry when young ? Being so well cal- 144 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OP LOVE. culated to be and to make happy in the family, you should have had a family of your own” u Mr. Fowler, 5 ’ she said, “ the real reason never yet passed my sealed lips. Bat I will tell you. At twenty, I loved with my whole being. But my lover was bashful. He never told his love. Nor I mine. I thought it not my place. But both looked and acted it. Our love was ardent but taciturn. His looks, by implication, said, c I long to propose, but am poor, and would not place you upon a lower plane in society than you now occupy . 5 But he was educated, and I thought his education more than made up for my dollars. He went South to teach — I know it was in order to make a competence that he might marry me — but died of yellow fever. And for thirty years I have felt myself just as much his wife as if married by law. And intend to keep myself pure and holy to him alone, in order to our reunion beyond the grave, where I know he awaits me . 55 Were not these wedded in spirit and in truth ? 55 As much mar- ried as if E. H. Chapin had eloquently and legally pronounced them husband and wife ? They were married in spirit , if not in letter. And her cherishing his memory, yielded her all the advantages of love . 35 And was as virtually marriage as if she had been married to him by law, borne children by him, and been left a widow. Those thus spiritually married, are anything but old bachelors or old maids. Nor had Eliza the least taint of old-maidishness about her. All her actions, her very spirit, were those of the fully developed woman, not the shriveled up, cross-grained old maid. And she was an angel of mercy wherever she went. Motherly to children, a nurse of the sick, most benevolent, and a pattern-sample to her sex. There are doubtless many such. Horace Mann describes one. Indeed, I incline to class many under this head. Still, celibacy affects the majority very differently. Their having been crossed in love, has rendered them sour in temper, and cross- grained throughout . 35 When in love, they allowed some minor mat- ter to breed alienation, and have taken things the wrong way. Have turned misanthrope. Become literally man-haters. Find perpetual fault with the masculine gender. Especially with young men. Blow all their little faults into a blaze of scandal. Attribute the worst of motives to young people. Half crazed with wrath, and shocked with mock-modesty(?), if they see any signs of love between young people, and create and spread scandal about both. Make mischief between man and wife. Generally side with their own, against the opposite sex. Let a blighting sirocco sweep over a neighborhood — let a terrific hurricane spread devastation and death — but in mercy deliver it from OLD- BACHELORISM AND OLD-MAIDISM. 145 such a pest. A poison tree to any young man whose path she may cross. Be he even immaculate, she makes him out a sensualist. u Her tongue is the tongue of a serpent. The poison of asps is under her lips.” And let that neighborhood cursed with such a nuisance abate it by u severely letting her aloneP Not to heed her, renders her powerless. And many naturally very excellent women, who have good heads, hearts, and temperaments, and are well intentioned, and w’ho, if hap- pily married, would have made excellent wives, mothers, and cit- izens, have become thus perverted by disappointment. And after all, are more to be pitied than blamed. It is more their misfortune than fault. They neglected to sow in the spring-time of love , 38 and must now famish on through a cold, dreary fall, and perish in the winter of discontent. Both hateful and pitiable. A just reward for neglect- ing that first duty of all — to make due provision a-t nature’s appointed time for this love element. This punishment for this sin of omission is indeed terrible. And increases with age. One may, indeed, stifle a love affair at eighteen, survive, and pass on tolerably comfortably till toward thirty, but by this time Nature begins to rebel and chas- tise. Life becomes either objectless or distracted. Patient endurance begins to crush out, or becomes like a perpetually irritating corn — most painful. And the hiatus widens, and gulf yawns as old age ad- vances. None to love as such, nor be loved by. Only friends, and they married, or dying off, so that she may not express even friend- ship. Especially to the other sex. Possibly an occasional matrimo- nial offer, but she is so difficult to please. Nor particularly pleasing, withal. Years pass. Youthful attire and appearances are kept up, but both put on. All allusions to age avoided. Would make believe much younger than is. The marriageable period passing. Finally past. No children to inherit her affections or fortune. A withering sense of loneliness and desolation gathers apace. A settled decline supervenes. No fond partner with whom to while away life’s passing hours. None with whom to walk or talk, ride or visit. On whom to lean, with whom to be. No children with ruddy cheek to gladden her heart, do a thousand little errands, or on whom parental fondness can dote and cling. A vine trailing on the ground, neglected and friend- less, instead of encircling some branching oak. No link to bind to posterity. A dreary, spiritless life indeed. And a death still more dreary. But more to be pitied and forgotten than remembered. u Ver- ily they that sleep in seed-time shall want in harvest, and perish in winter.” But, however deserving old bachelors may be of these strictures— 7 146 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. give ’em fits : they deserve it — we old maids are certainly excusable, on the ground that, forbidden by society to make selections, we are not to blame for not being selected.” 44 Yes you are, though. Make yourselves selectable. If you have not had offers, it is because you deserve none. For if you had but de- served, you would have had. 14 You have retired, turtle like, head and feet included, within your shell. Whereas, you should have manifested your attractions. The glow-worm exhibits her glow, else she too would remain undiscovered in the dark. When woman ren- ders herself lovely , she will be courted and loved. And it is the loving who are loved. The unloving only who are neglected, because neg- lecting. Like attracts like. And the indifferent woman receives but indifference. And deserves it. Because she either hides her light under a bushel, or else has no light to hide. Which? If you are womanly you will show it, and man is not so blind as not to discern female charms.” 44 But I have no beauty to plead for me, yet age against me.” Do, then, the charms of women necessarily vanish with age? I tell you nay. Let any woman live up to the true womanly spirit, and she will grow more lovely and loved as age advances. 39 No, elderly maiden, the trouble is, your love element is either sickly or dormant. Probably sickly. As, by a law of eating, hunger often turns the stomach, so as to beget nausea and daintiness, so love suppres-sed often becomes reversed. It looks upon marriage and the other sex as a poor affair — sour grapes — and hence repels, instead of attracting. And this causes charm after charm to wane. And chance after chance — at least a chance to make a chance — to pass unim- proved. Themselves wholly to blame, they yet pine on over their supposed misfortune, yet deserve their fate. And this pining dimin- ishes their charms by mildewing the sexual element, and reincreasing their daintiness. That is, it mars their sexuality. 4 5 6 44 But should a maiden lady of forty marry ?” 44 4 Better late than never.’ That you have postponed thus long, only renders it re-important that you delay no longer. Now, if ever. Really, you have wasted your precious time, and more precious self long enough already.” 44 But how shall I begin 7” By cultivating a warm, cordial, conjugal spirit , or cast of feeling , that is, the domestic qualities , you will elicit proposals. There are plenty of men of all ages dying for want of good wives. All the promptings they require to induce them to select you, is to perceive that you possess the love element requisite for rendering you a good wife. FEMALES LEADING OFF IN COURTSHIP. 147 Bat many old maids too often deserve little sympathy. Many of them have brought on their fate by excessive modesty — even prudery. Perhaps for not having courted when they should have done. Per- haps by allowing themselves to fall back into a moody, or misan- thropic, or cold, or distant state of feeling, they are too extra particular or modest to allow any man to place himself upon a base sufficiently friendly or familiar to even judge of their merits or fitness for com- panionship. As the pent-up spring bursts out and bubbles up some - where ; as the beautiful flower opens out its young petals to admira- tion, and gives off its fragrance • as the ripening fruit proclaims its ripeness by its color and odor ; as all the human faculties ought ever to be on exhibition , so you too must show your excellences. Else how can you expect them to be appreciated ? And appreciated, in order to be selected. Come, no more of this downcast, sober-sided, extra-partic- ular, feezy, fussy, nippy, prudish, old-maidism. Take lessons of girls. Be more girlish and spark- ling. And surely a woman may be more frank and free than a girl. Smile often, and sweetly. Laugh, and provoke laughter. And note and admire the excellences of gen- tlemen. Even compliment them. This will bring return compli- ments. Talk. This will excite conversation, and exhibit your own character, besides ascertaining that of gentlemen. Rely less on dress and ceremonious appearances, but more on your womanly nature. Nor reject an offer because not just exactly in accordance with your fastidious taste. But calculate first upon the main chances ; and sec- ondly, on molding the balance after marriage — of which, hereafter. Nor do I object to FEMALES LEADING OFF IN COURTSHIP. LTp to twenty, it may be more proper for girls to be courted than to court ; but after that, certainly at twenty-five, it is no more improper for woman to make the first advances than man, so that she makes them properly. And she certainly knows just how to express love preferences with quite as much propriety as man. More. And there are plenty of men unmarried just because uncourted — plenty who need a wife more forward than themselves , 75 and of course one who will both begin, and take the lead in, courtship. B-ut as custom pre- vents this, they live on unmarried. Many other, especially youngerly men, are too modest, backward, bashful to express the preference they feel, lest they be declined. They underrate themselves, yet overrate the female they prefer; and hence, though dying with pent-up love, yet its very intensity silences its expression . 19 They only require that the ice be broken by some lady- 148 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. like compliment from her — some leading off, courteous, kindly, friendly expression, sufficient at least to signify that their affection would be re- ciprocated, to express their love frankly, and become most excellent conjugal partners. Their worshipful adoration of the sex — the very element best calculated to make them good companions, prevents their taking the first step. But after all, is not woman in reality the very one to initiate love ? The principle which underlies this subject will be found in Vol. II. That woman is the angel of love on earth, is unquestionable. There- fore, having more of this love element, appetite, intuition, she can judge better than man whom she can love, and who can love her. And those matches initiated by the female, always eventuate happi- ly ; except where she courts for a home, or from rivalry, or some other motive than that of genuine love. But show me a match where a true woman was the first to feel and express love, and I will show you parties that have been happy together, because adapted to each other; and still are, unless drink, or some other varying cause, comes in to prevent. Leap Year should be practically observed, or, rather, reversed. Three years for the ladies to make advances, to one for gentlemen. This view, indeed, differs from the practice of Anglo-Saxon so- ciety, yet is practiced by many other portions of the human family. And it is correct, because scientific. OLD BACHELORS. But if old maids are not excusable, much less old bachelors ? If woman should make sure of marriage, how much more so man ? If unmarried females past twenty-four are without excuse, old bach- elors must surely be most reprehensible. And they are so. Nor has any one of them a single valid excuse. Scarcely a shadow even. Let us canvass some of their objections. u But I would discipline my mind. Attain this or that intellectual end. Go to college, etc., from which marriage will divert me” But would not this be like starving the stomach, in order to improve the muscles ? Like dwarfing feet, to render hands over- grown ? This you do not want. Proportion is nature’s universal law. Besides, in the mental as physical man, observing the law of any one portion, promotes the vigor of all portions. The noblest, highest advancement in intellect can be secured only in and by all the other faculties. And starving the social in order to develop the intellectual, is like stifling the heart in order to improve the Lead. u But our author forgets that the loss of one sense sharpens up all OLD BACHELORS. 149 the other senses ; as, blindness, touch. The palpable inference from which is, that the dormancy of the social faculties would increase the intellectual.” Your fact is admitted, but not your reasoning. Blindness does in- crease feeling, but because it compels its increased action . Yet what prevents touch from being increased as much with sight as without ? Does sight hinder touch ? Why can not touch be exercised even bet- ter with sight than without, provided the same pains were taken ? It is the increased exercise of the one, not the loss of the other, which confers this increased power. And this wonderful increase of the others but shows to what an extraordinary extent all might be carried, if all were fully cultivated. So of the exercise of the intellectual faculties as regards the social. Intellect can be exercised all the more in combination with active social than dormant affections . 35 38 By a law of mind, all exercise of any one faculty naturally promotes that of all the others. Admitted, that an unhappy marriage hinders literary pursuits — though no marriage ever need be unhappy 2 — yet love helps, not hinders, intellectual culture . 25 10 39 Nature’s help-meet law is a universal institute. True, a literary man should have a literary wife. Yet such will help, and in a thousand ways, not hinder. Indeed, as the sexes study much bet- ter together than apart , 13 doubly so husband and wife. Can not a minister preach better with than without a wife? Then why not lecturers lecture, authors write, and naturalists study better with than without a help-meet ? But as we shall discuss the principle which underlies this whole subject in Part III., we dismiss this excuse as based on wrong premises. And this answer holds clearly good when applied to each and every other human pursuit and end. “ But taking a wife is an eventful step. The responsibilities of the male are much greater than those of the female. He is expected to support, she to be supported. And to have a clinging wife and help- less children dependent on, looking up to one, and all the cares and responsibilities of the family resting on one’s shoulders, is no trifle.” Really, then, are you so very a poltroon as to let such prospective obligations oppress you ? Have you no more stamina than this ? Suppose a young lion, shaking his head moodily, should be overheard by other lions to say, u I don’t know about this getting a lioness and a parcel of little, blind, howling whelps to hunt for. I can hardly hunt for myself, much less be obliged to hunt for them also, lest they 150 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. or i should come to want . 55 Wouldn’t tne other lions say, “Why, you flunky ! You pretend to roar, hey ! yet can not catch extra game enough to feed half a dozen little ones ? Why, you are dull as well as lazy ; for, see here, you have got to catch a fresh beef every night for yourself, or starve, or else eat carrion, and can not eat the half of it before it spoils, and may just as well carry the surplus home to your folks as not. And then how grateful to see them clutch and devour it so greedily, and then look up with satisfied eyes into your face ! Have you no more pluck than this ? You are no genuine lion, but only a counterfeit. Mate, or we will turn you out of our fra- ternity . 55 To support a family in a plain way costs but little if any more than to support one’s self . 19 Your fundamental error consists in basing your calculations upon a stylish support. You start with this false premise, “ Better no family than one not supported in style.” Whereas, the true family base is, “ Better a family supported in a plain way than no family.” The necessities of life cost but little. Plain food — much more healthy for a family than expensive dishes, as our Third Volume will show — is cheap; so of raiment, furniture, house-rent, everything. It is other people’s eyes that cost so much. The error lies in your ambition. You incur the terrible doom of a barren heart , 38 which you also fasten on some female, besides robbing your race of the children you might and ought to rear it, because, forsooth, you can not support as costly an establishment, buy as many fine dresses and diamonds, and dash out in as splendid style as this or that acquaintance. And our race is to-day minus hundreds of thousands of its best specimens ; minus all their happiness and productions, just on account of these fashionable ideas. That is, you place fashion above nature. But, mark, you are preparing your back for nature’s lash . 38 “ But young men rarely rise above the sphere in which they marry, and hence should postpone marriage till wealthy enough to marry into some F. F. V. family.” Your premises are wrong. Families are constantly rising and sink- ing, according to their means and merits — though more means than merits. If a family but has the u rocks” it matters not a straw whether it acquired them before marriage or after. You will be respected in proportion to your dollars , irrespective of when you got them ; or even how , for that matter. In one financial aspect, however, your excuse is valid. Your hav- ing five thousand dollars might enable you to marry, perhaps, twenty or fifty, while having but one thousand might prevent your marrying OLD BACHELORS 161 more than one or two. But this virtually puts your marriage on a merely monetary base, of which hereafter. u But all our refined, educated girls — and I want only such — are brought up in a style of luxury far above my means. And to place one such in a common house, with common surroundings, is to wrong her . 77 Not if she prefers plainness with you to celibacy without. If she is willing, on learning your circumstances, to conform to them, you do her one of the greatest favors by marrying her, but of wrongs if you do not. If she is content, surely you should be. If you love her, and she loves you, it is your duty to take her, whatever your or her circumstances may be. But if she prefers style to you, you do not want her, however rich you or she may be. Yet, would that our stylish females could but see that their ex- pensiveness, by furnishing a plausible excuse to many men either not to marry at all, or else to postpone until quite advanced, thereby obliges them either to remain unmarried, or to take up with old bachelors. And good enough for them. They placed style above nature, and deserve the consequences. Ci But as there are so many more unhappy than happy marriages, my chances are so small that really it is not prudent to venture. In business, in other chances, I am not afraid to run risks ; but in this, fear overcomes desire . 77 But will you live on wages, because nine young men in every ten who set up in business fail ? Yet in marriage none need ever fail. Only those are unhappy w r ho, by chance or mismanagement, break some love law. Your happiness or misery depends almost wholly on yourself, not at all on others. Fulfill nature’s love institutes — follow out the doctrine of this book — and you may rest assured of a happy conjugal state, though all others are unhappy. “ But I am loth to marry, lest I entail my own faults, physical or mental, on posterity . 77 This excuse, urged by both sexes, is so general and plausible as to deserve a final answer. It is this : Those who are too weakly, im- perfect, or diseased to parent children sufficiently strong, if brought up physiologically, to live and grow up, attain and fulfill a fair hu- man life, and become useful members of society, nature will not per- mit to become parents. She will not begin any work she can not com- plete. No disease, not even consumption, is ever transmitted, but only weakness of organs. Observe Nature 7 s health laws, and she will gradually and surely increase the relative strength of those weak 152 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. organs until they become nearly as strong as the others. It is abuse of the life laws which, by filling the system with disease, causes it to settle on these organs, which induces consumption and other so-called hereditary complaints ; whereas, if this disease had not been aug- mented in the system, these organs would have escaped. All heredi- tary disease can both be kept at bay and outgrown by a right physiological life. A point, however, to be more fully discussed hereafter. Besides, till our world is full, better poor children than none at all. And doubly better for you. By all the prospective happiness even in- ferior ones might enjoy through life, and you in them; by all the variegated labors they would be able to effect, business create, ideas originate, and projects execute, from birth to death ; by even all the hopes and happiness of immortality itself, is the birth of even weakly children better than none. Infinitely better that they be born, even though they die ; for their happy spirits will await your coming, to call you father, mother, in another world. Then those who can be- come parents should. And will have their reward. u But I can adopt children.” Not your own. Own children constitute nature’s only object for parental love . 41 Yet, of course, better adopted ones than none. But, best of all, to provide yourself with a goodly number of your own, and those healthy, and talented, and good, to love, care for, play with, die with, and be buried by. Nor is there any getting around or by this point. Ask any parent, especially mother, to describe the thrill felt on first hearing their first-born’s voice. Yet the full power of this point will be seen better from another stand-point. u But I can not get any one I am willing to have” The more’s the pity. Are you, then, so very ordinary yourself that you can not get any one worthy your having ? Poor coote, indeed ! And own it at that. And crave our sympathies besides. But are you so very perfect yourself that yon can find no one equally so ? Or would you, yourself faulty, insist on marrying only those who are perfect ? Enough if you obtain one as good as yourself. Only those who are perfection themselves should insist on perfection in a partner. But fie for these, for all other like excuses. When weighed in the scale against nature’s imperious matrimonial requisitions , 38 they amount to nothing. Having weighed the most important, and found them mere gas, why weigh more? “ Not worth shucks,” either singly, or all combined. They leave each and all wholly without a valid excuse, and speechless. At war with nature and with nature’s OLD BACHELORS. 153 God, and, of course, “ gathering up wrath against the day of wrath.” Not one of them, applied to any other human requisition, such as for food, breath, exercise, books, worship, etc., would stand one moment. Nor will they here. The trouble lies within , not without. In their own inherent defectiveness, not in these flimsy excuses. They almost always have small Hope with excessive Cautiousness. They fear to jump out of the frying-pan of celibacy, lest they land in the fire of discord, and so fry on. In cautiously avoiding Scylla, they wreck themselves on Charybdis. They wait till all the golden fruits are plucked from among their acquaintances, and go farther only to fare worse, emerging from the other side of the wood with its crookedest stick. At last age and delay make against them in every aspect. Many, extra-fastidious and over-dainty, not finding exactly the matrimonial element they fancy, starve on — starve to death. Yet are the last ones to put up with a like fastidiousness in old maids. Poor, dainty old bachelors ! Leafless, branchless, fruitless, barkless, heartless, root- less, shriveled-up trunks , 38 smoldering out by slow inches. Some crusty, others lively. Some always in love, but never enough 20 to propose, flitting from flower to flower, but never lighting ; often woo- ing, but never mating ; others cold as an iceberg, and always in the sulks. Some talkative, others demure. Some heart-broken, others heartless and without sweethearts. But all untrue to nature. Shall we pity or despise most? Neither; for both imply inferiority; whereas they often have many most excellent traits. Then shall we chide? No; for that always makes worse. Array them in their best, and send to bail and party? No; for this does not favor indi- vidual admiration or selection. They have become congealed, and only need thawing out. Read them this book, and then assault them with the natural language of love. Or else send them to us, and we will suit them with this one or that, despite their fastidiousness, and pull them out of their u slough of despond.” But as {: who would be free, himself must strike the blow,” so they themselves , doffing their bachelorism, should cultivate this love ele- ment . 63847 Should cherish that female appreciation which once rendered them so admired and loving. Should note the good in female character, not the defects. Should go with, wait on this or that female, to picnic or sleigh-ride, party or lecture, Mav-day excursion or watering place. Should exchange masculine associates for feminine. Especially should read this section ; and if it does not induce a matrimonial mood, then they must indeed be joined to their idols. Let them alone” to die. Are now almost dead. 154 THE LAWS AND CONDITIONS OF LOVE. Then say not you never intend to marry. You talk like a child. As well say you never intend to eat, or talk, or think. It is excus- able as a make-believe, and to call out additional persuasions, just as it is excusable in a musician to half decline to perform, only to re- increase invitation. But as concerns an honest declaration of a pur- pose, every man and woman should say, u I want and mean to love and marry. And as soon as I can find a right subject. And I shall look right assiduously, too.” EXCLUSIVE LOVE VS. PROMISCUOUS. 165 SECTION IY. PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE: OR EXCLUSIVE LOVE VS PROMISCUOUS. Love being thus a primitive human element, and its exercise an imperious human necessity , 38 of course Nature expressly provides its specific , legitimate object. Else it would be like creating appetite without food, eyes without light, etc. Then, is that object single or plural ? Does Nature restrict love to one of the opposite sex. or allow and require its promiscuous indulgence ? Or does she leave so im- portant a matter at loose ends ? Or require exclusiveness of one, and promiscuosity of another? Does she not regulate all her works, down even to their minutest details, by immutable laws ? And is not love Nature’s work ? 4 Then is not it also thus regulated? She has her governing love laws. Must have. And they are as imperious as the love element they govern . 38 And they regulate this matter of one love or many loves . 2 And rewards their observances, but punishes their infractions . 2 She therefore either requires or prohibits promis- cuosity. If requires, let all the world know and practice it. For being her law, it is both right, and sacredly obligatory on all . 38 But if she requires but one love, let all the world know that. She is right. Her requirements are God’s eternal laws. Let us then inquire at her shrine what first principles underlie this whole subject, and make their observation a matter of conscience , as it is of self-interest. All problems, legal, ethical, and philosophical, are solved by their bearing on some generic principle. So is this. Then by what ? That of progeny. Since sexuality, love, and whatever appertains to either, both centers in and is adapted to promote the greatest number and highest order of progeny, of course as far as exclusive or promiscuous love is adapted to promote this greatest of all ends, so far, but no far- ther, is it the law of love. Then which is thus best adapted, and how far is either ? is the practical determining question. Individual cases such as whether Ruth was true or false to the highest human and feminine type in seeking and Boaz in granting her maternity out of wedlock * nor whether the general admiration she receives should not be reversed ; nor whether Abram was right or wrong in securing 156 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. issue by Hagar; nor whether the women of Benjamin did right to re- plenish their tribe; nor whether the race is the better or the worse for those born of illicit love ; nor whether, if there were no matri- mony, it would be better for the race to cease than perpetuate itself without matrimony ; nor what shall be done when one conjugal part- ner desires and is capacitated for issue, and the other not; nor whether our laws and customs should or should not be so changed as to relieve those who thus suffer — but only whether those thus capac- itated, in the great aggregate, are naturally adapted to produce and rear the most and the best children by promiscuous love, or by confining themselves to but one parental partner. That is, whether promiscu- osity is Nature’s law, and exclusiveness sheer prudery ; or whether it is best that all the offspring of either parent shall be by the other. That is, will many loves, or one love, people the earth with the most or best inhabitants ? Nature has answered, One love, incompara- bly,” by her 7 phrenological organ and faculty of 41. conjugality; or the pairing instinct. This organ, discovered among the last, is located on the two sides of Parental Love, and between Amativeness and Adhesiveness — a lo- cation peculiarly adapted to its otfice, which is to unite all the domes- tic faculties in one congregated unity. Its real office centers in and provides for and rearing of children, in and by uniting their parents in dual affection for life. If, like the fabled Minerva from the brain of Jupiter, man had been brought forth in the full perfection of all his faculties, capable, from the first, of taking all needed care of himself, there would have been no requisi- tion for parental affection or nursing. Whereas, instead, every infant is born perfectly idiotic, not knowing even that fire will burn ; and so helpless that, but for great and long-continued provisions for its wants, every one must inevitably die, and the very race itself, notwithstand- ing all its pow T ers, perish. For this supply of infantile necessities, Nature must need make some ample provision. One every way abundant and absolute. She has seen fit to make it by ordaining that adults, having surplus strength, shall care for infants — a contrivance of infinite wisdom. But she must need specify what particular adult shall care for each individual infant. Else, as, what is everybody’s business is nobody’s, many, if not most infants, would even yet be neglected. She makes this specification in and by Parental Love — that instinctive feeling which prompts every parent to care for his or hor own young. This brings another powerful faculty, namely, my own. into requisition. As CONJUGALITY; OR THE PAIRING INSTINCT. 157 if Nature had left all the hens in general to brood over and scratch for all the chickens in general, little brooding or scratching would have been done — one old hen saying, u I scratch, scratch, scratch for all these chickens, while you sit there doing nothing — no, indeed 57 — and as, when another chick enters her brood, she peels its pate right quickly, and because not hers, though having but a single one of her own, and every way able to scratch for and brood over both, so if Nature had left all the adults in general to care for all children in general, few would have been cared for, because not their own. Whereas, instead, she allots every infant to some one adult, by or- daining that each parent shall love and care for his, her own young. And how infinitely beautiful and perfect this natural provision for parents as well as children ! These parents, having surplus time, money, and energy, must expend it on something, or die of plethora. Upon what, then, could parents expend their surplus as pleasurably or profitably as on their children 1 And Nature pays them therefor, in and by this very caring itself. For it is quite as great a luxury for parents to have children to inherit their name, affections, property, and characteristics, as for children to inherit. And the race is multi- plied besides. Another beautiful provision in this loving and rearing own young is found in the hereditary law of resemblances between children and their parents. As parent elephant is much better adapted to rear young elephants than young chickens, and parent turkeys young tur- keys than young lions or eagles, so not only are human parents much better adapted to rear human than animal young, but also each particular human being is expressly adapted to rear own children, because both have the same peculiarities. The %more so, because parental self-love likes their own traits in their children, even their actual faults included. Moreover, in order to its complete rearing and fitting for the great stage of human life, every child requires a father to help provide for, educate, and mold, almost as much as produce. Though the mother can, indeed, preserve its life, and supply its cardinal wants, yet it imperiously requires a father to provide food, raiment, domicile, etc., and a mother to serve them up; him to judge and counsel, her to per- suade and stimulate ; him to guide the head and hands, her to mold the heart and manners ; and both to round up and perfect the charac- ter. 13 14 And I pity that child brought up by its mother only, because consequently imperfect. But, in order that the father may thus help rear his children, it becomes first necessary that he knows for certain whichhis are. He ob 158 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. viously can not rely on physiognomical and other resemblances, because the children of father, brother, cousin, etc., are likely to be so near like his own as to preclude their certain identification. By the importance, therefore, of paternal aid in rearing children, is it im- portant that each father shall know, not guess, that this is in very deed my own lineal child. Nature guarantees this knowledge in and by her pairing ordinances, and has interwoven fidelity therein into that very love element which produces. That is, those very conditions which prompt parents to the production of their young, also prompt them to that very exclusive- ness of love which renders him certain that his children are indeed “ bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh.” Confirmatory of this institute and its rationale is the fact, that, in all those tribes of animals where the male can contribute to the rear- ing of his young, we find both this pairing and fidelity. Yet in none where he can not. because it is not especially needed. Thus, lion and tiger can hunt for their young quite as well as, even better than, lioness and tigress. So of birds. Yet in the bovine, equine, susine, and other like tribes, where the father can not thus contribute, no such pairing exists. This is both a universal fact, and based in a philosophical necessity. Can, then, the human father contribute to the rearing of his young? Can he not ? And since he can, why shouldn’t he ? Why not help rear what he helped to produce ? Some argue that u the mother can and should take all necessary care of her children till they are seven, after which they should care for themselves, thereby developing self- reliance and support, so necessary through life . 57 And the great American apostle of this doctrine has literally practiced it, by allow- ing his little babe, after its mother’s death, to be cared for by another, who, on requesting a childless pair to adopt it, they replied, objecting- ly, “ That they did not wish, after they had trained it to their liking, to have its father influence it,” were answered, u Never fear; he will never look after it.” Abominable ! Deliver me from such a father. And would it not be too much to impose on the mother the entire labor and pain of bearing and nursing, of housing and feeding, of educating and caring for her young? In this case, pray, on what object shall human masculines expend their surplus acquisitions and pent-up energies and affections ? They must needs live inane, listless lives, uninspired to effort by those pow- erful parental stimulants 88 40 by which Nature’s arrangement of rear- ing his own young now inspires them. Far be the day from me when I shall have no children or grandchildren to live for and love, and PAIRING AS AFFECTING MANKIND. 159 be lived for and loved by ; but blest that day in which they were born. But Nature has arranged this whole matter just right, all round, by ordaining that both father and mother shall unite in rearing their mutual offspring, by providing that this very love which renders him a father shall also consecrate the mother of his children to him alone, from before their first, till after their last child. And that, ordina- rily, all the children of each parent shall also be by the other. The rationale of this principle furnishes the base of that argument drawn from instinct, as also that deduced from the mine-and-thine feeling, presently to be introduced , 43 44 by showing that they are gen- uine, because absolutely necessary to the rearing, and therefore per- petuity, of the race. PAIRING AS AFFECTING THE NUMBER AND QUALITY OF MANKIND. As Nature’s entire philosophy of this whole masculine, feminine, and love institutes centers in the greatest number and highest order of offspring, we may expect to find all the main conditions of human perfection written by her all-perfecting hand into the conditions of perfect love. If therefore matrimony^ — a word we shall hereafter use in this its true etymological sense, namely, that of one female or mother, while we shall use marriage for its general legal and more nominal phrase — if matrimony is better adapted to secure a greater number and higher order of human beings than promiscuosity, we shall of course find this love element to attach itself to but one of the opposite ; while, if promiscuosity is thus adapted, to as many as are. Then, is one love, or are many loves, thus adapted ? One. Infinitely the best. Does it not ripen up this love sentiment, and fit it for its creative office, much earlier and better than diver- sity ? Is it not specifically adapted to enable the mothers of the race to fill up their entire maternal period with bearing or nursing? Does it not naturally secure all the progeny the female can produce, or both can rear ? What more is, can be, wanted ? Does not promiscuosity both greatly diminish the number and -vitiate the quality of its human products, as compared to matrimony ? Do u women of pleasure” make the best mothers of the race ? Do they furnish the world with either the most or the best sons of genius and * From “ matrix? which signifies mold, mater, or mother, or female, and “monos” one, and meaning one mother for all the children, expressing both that duality of the love institute, as well as that heart-union w*e are now expounding ; while monogamy signifies only the legal yoking of the marriage ceremony. 160 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. daughters of moral purity and loveliness ? Instead, how few, how inferior, mentally, and how depraved their children ! Let facts answer. JEALOUSY BASED IN EXCLUSIVENESS. And is not promiscuosity naturally adapted to engender and prop- agate those most painful and life-destroying diseases which both in- duce impotence long before the close of the parental period, besides cutting off their victims long before their time? What is to-day slowly but effectually depopulating the Sandwich Islands, threaten- ing, at its present rate, to extinguish the aboriginal race in fifty years? What proportionably consuming many nations of the, East? And the Mexican peons ? and God knows how many more besides ? Now it needs must break some important , some fundamental law, in order to induce so dire a penalty. For the severity of the punish- ment measures the value of the law broken . 3 This punishment is the most terrible scourge God inflicts on man, because it eventuates from the breach of Nature’s most important law — exclusiveness . 3 Besides, as strong a human feeling as jealousy, is by no means a fungus, a parasite of love. It is inherent, and must needs, therefore, have its rationale , and, like pain, subserve some good end. Then what ? Increased multiplication; on the well-known physiological principle that continued replanting the seeds of life is fatal to all. It is always most repugnant to the mother, because already thoroughly imbued with devotion to the father of her unborn. This one-paternity argu- ment in favor of one love, and against promiscuosity, is absolutely final. Ci On« such is amply sufficient,” as the 'judge said to the twenty-one reasons why a witness was not present, the first being that he was dead. u That one will do.” Even among unmating animals, the female is true to her temporary spouse until his progeny is ma- tured. So that, even here, though a re-mating occurs at each parent- age, yet there is fidelity to that one during germination. The about equal number of males and females still further strength- ens this argument in favor of matrimony, but against promiscuosity. Is, indeed, conclusive that Nature has adapted one , and but one, of each sex to each one of the other, because a plurality of some would rob an equal number of others. Promiscuosity, also, always produces that animal phase of the love sentiment which, besides corrupting the parents, deteriorates offspring, while one love promotes that purity of affection which exalts and ennobles both. Of which, however, more fully in Yol. II. LOVE SELF-PERPETUATING. 161 MATRIMONY AS CREATING HOMES AND FAMILIES. Of the influence of the family we have already spoken. 1 Yet, pray, what but matrimony gathers mankind into families, neighborhoods, associations, villages, and cities, and thereby embodies all the influ- ence they all wield over man ? Home, too, with all its sweets and advantages, 1 is consequent mainly on this same Conjugality. And, accordingly, the phrenologi- cal organ of Inhabitiveness joins, and is right over, that of Conjugal- ity. We will not now stop to eulogize ‘‘home, sweet, sweet home,” nor to descant on the practical value of the domiciliary principle as an absolute necessity to the very existence of the race, because of the rearing of its young, but simply ask, How many houses does promiscu- ous love ever rear or furnish ? Scarcely one. It favors neither their provision nor improvement, but, instead, discourages both. Abolish matrimony in the sense just defined, and our houses would soon rot down, homes become overrun with thorns, thistles, and vermin, neighborhoods broken up, and society disbanded and sent back to its savage elements. Indeed, in what is the whole idea of “ real estate” based, and in what does its inherent value mainly consist, if not in this very home idea, created by Conjugality? In like manner, religious meetings, schools, roads, corporations, public works, and a thousand like societary customs and fixtures, now so common that their utility is overlooked, grow, after all, mainly out of this same home idea, and this out of matrimony. 42 . LOVE SELF-PERPETUATING. What higher, stronger, ad hominem evidence of the durability of anything than its being self-perpetuating ? That the earth, for ex- ample, wflll continue its diurnal and annual motions throughout inter- minable ages, than the fact that the cause of these motions is self- acting and self-perpetuating? That a given tree is long-lived, than that it is constitutionally adapted to attain and maintain this longevity? Now, since the natural adaptation of a given thing to a given end furnishes the strongest possible argument that this end is both possible and legitimate, therefore if love is constitutionally adapted to per- petuate and reincrease itself, of course this would effectually, abso* lutely demonstrate its perpetuity. Then is it thus adapted? It is. Mark wherein and tvherefore. 1. By the law of happiness. By a primitive law of being, all in- voluntarily and necessarily love whatever renders them happy. And because of, and in proportion to, this happiness. But hate whatever 102 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. renders miserable* and for a like cause, and in the same proportion. Indeed, this is the only real base of all likes and dislikes, desires and repugnances. This is an obvious law of things, to be more fully proven hereafter. Then does love naturally render its participants more and still more happy, or more and still more miserable, in each other, as they live together in its exercise ? If happier, this law necessarily renders love self-perpetuating • but if more miserable, self-destructive, as re- gards each other. Then is it so delicious at first, only to cloy, sicken, and the more effectually disgust afterward? Or, rather, that we should relish it the more as we participate in it the longer ? Is it a Jonah’s gourd, or a cedar of Lebanon ? Is it the more perfect the longer, or the shorter, its duration ? Is it a mere summer fruit, soon gone, or does it naturally ripen its fruit all along through life, and become the more luxurious as life advances ? The latter, always and necessarily. And for this reason : by ren- dering its participants inexpressibly happy in each other, Sec * IL it natu- rally and necessarily re-perpetuates and reincreases itself. Wherever sufficient natural affinity exists between two to begin to love, cherish- ing this love, by rendering them happy in each other, will continue to re-unite, re-enamor, and re-infatuate each with the other, more and more, and re-bind them the more indissolubly together, the longer they live in the natural spirit of true love. Reader, you have been rendered happy by various means, and at different periods through life. But what one thing in the eagerness of childhood, or the hearty appetites of youth, or the enthusiasm of the antemeridian of life, or the full powers of manhood, have ever even begun to render you as ecstatically happy as exchanging love with that sacred object of your full-toned affection ? It is not permitted to fully-developed humanity to be rendered as ecstatically happy in any other acquisition or possession as in and by the one beloved. Nor in the exercise of any other faculty as in that of love. And the happier, the more intense this love. Then to apply this law and fact to its perpetuity. Mr. A. takes a given amount of pleasure, say one in an indefinite scale, with Miss B., during their first day’s interview. This induces, even compels, them to love each other, and desire its repeti- tion, in the same degree. Then put down one as the measure of their happiness and love the first day, and one for the second, and add them together. But, remember, the pleasurable reminiscences of the first render the second all the more pleasurable, and this makes the sum total not two, but say two and a half. These two days’ pleasure now redouble that of the third, and these three that of the fourth, etc., ad infinitum , et eeternum , so that the fiftieth is far more pleasurable than LOVE SELF-PERPETUATING. 168 the first, and the five hundredth far more pleasurable than the fiftieth. Thus, by a first law of mind, any love which is productive of mutual happiness — and all love is thus productive — reincreases the love itself, and thereby its happiness, by all the previous enjoyment they have taken together. And this renders their love stronger the second year than the first, by all the happiness of the first, and the tenth by all the happinesss of the nine preceding, and the fiftieth by all the hap- piness they have enjoyed together in forty-nine years, and so on till they die. This is true in practice and theory, just as long and as far as both parties cherish the love sentiment, and allow nothing, by abrading it, to render them unhappy in each other. 2. The law of association also comes in to still further reincrease and perpetuate love. Even antagonistic cat and dog, by daily associ- ation, come to live passively, and even play, together Becoming accustomed to noxious substances, as alcohol, tobacco, etc., diminishes their injurious effects. Accustoming ourselves to the same room, fur- niture, and surroundings, renders them the more agreeable, even if unpleasant, the longer the association. Then does, or does not, this well-known law of mind, apply equally to love ? It does. Only with redoubled force, because its associations are so infinitely the more pleasurable. Why do we love the associa- tions of childhood’s home, but because of the happiness experienced there ? And the happier the more. Then why not thus of love, only the more because the more pleasurable ? Reader, take a twilight walk, when departing day vails nature in a halo of beauty and loveliness peculiarly favorable to meditation, and then throw yourself into a musing, retrospective mood. Memory now recalls the times and seasons of yore. But what scenes as vivid as those of your young love ? Your soul, perhaps eye, fills with their reminiscences. What would you not give for a leaf, a flower, from the pathway you then trod, or the mound you sat upon together ? Or apples from that old tree under whose boughs you both talked and feasted on fruit and love together ? How delightful would they be, because associated with recollections so pleasurable ! Now, suppose your entire life filled fuller and fuller with these delightful experiences and reminiscences of love, all centering in the same conjugal object, but intermingled wfith no painful ones. Would you be willing to sur- render this long-tried object of love for some new, untried stranger ? Would then the newest broom sweep cleanest? If so, take it, but let me keep the old. It is love both u that giveth yet increaseth.” 3. Sympathy constitutes still another law of mind by which wq come to love those for whom we do, and on whom we take, pity. 164 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. Thus, the nursing mother loves her sickliest child best. Even novels often originate love in one nursing or saving the life of the other. True, donees gratefully love donors — the poor, the benevolent — but givers more than receivers, and parents than children. For doing awakens more love than even receiving. Then does not this well-known law of mind naturally reincrease the love of both conjugal partners for each other ? Does not love involun- tarily do for those beloved ? 28 In a true love state, each is constantly doing — he in his daily toil or business, she in her domestic sphere — for the other, and their mutual young ; thereby perpetually reincreas- ing their own and each other’s love. Doubly so if either is sick — a strong reason why wives should superintend the creature comforts of husband and children. 4. Community of labor and interest also naturally promotes affection, and between those of opposite sexes, love. Thus, old sol- diers, copartners, colaborers in any department of human effort — muscular, pecuniary, humanitarian, intellectual, or moral — by virtue of their very community of effort and interest, naturally form strong social affinities for each other. Then how forcibly does this law of mind apply to wedlock ? All their efforts and struggles in a true love state are mutual . They naturally share their feelings, property, everything, meals included, together, and each sharing, increases love. How pleasurable for old friends to sup together ! Then how much more so for those who have grown old in conjugal love ! Meeting my college classmates the twentieth year after our graduation, in an all-night’s supper, recalling college scenes, and intercommuning together, formed an era in my life. Though we graduated with some friendships but more heart- burnings, yet time had softened off college asperities, and reincreased its attachments. Then how much more so a true conjugal state ! But, 5. Its mutual children are love’s great perpetuator. By a first law of mind, parents love their own children. And with the utmost fervor and intensity. What one human sentiment, save love, as strong as the parental ? What will not parents do, endure, sacrifice, accomplish for them ? Description utterly fails. And it increases with age. For grandparents love more than parents. Now does not each loving and caring together for the same darling objects naturally promote love for each other ? Then does not pa- rental love naturally promote and practically aid conjugal ? By all the sacredness and perpetuity of the parental sentiment itself, is the conjugal both deepened and perpetuated thereby. And this law of mind is absolute. It almost compels the parents of the same children LOVE SELF-PERPETUATING. 165 to love each other. And would always, but for still stronger repel- lant conditions. This alone, in the absence of strong counter-irri- tants, would guarantee to all parents a continuance of that love in and by which they became parents. How could Nature point more strongly, more clearly to any one principle than she points by all these radii to the self-perpetuity of love as its great focal center ? Then tell me not that love naturally wanes with its honeymoon. That the youngest love is the most fervent and devoted. That the natural history of love is first to sate, then to cloy, and finally to either die or go astray. Instead, it takes those who have loved each other long, to manifest this human sentiment in its fullest perfection. It is only those who have ascended together the hills of prosperity, and descended into the vales of adversity, who have long labored and suffered with and for each other, who have, if need be, watched round each other’s bedside, and produced, cared for, watched over, and per- haps buried children together, and grown old in love as in years, that become perfectly united in the deepest , fullest , most indissoluble ties of love. That love often does decline instead of increasing with years, is ad- mitted. But that this declination is necessary , or even natural, is stoutly contradicted. Its usual diminution is consequent on various breaches of its laws, rather than in anything inherent in its own constitution. w But,” say some, u c Variety is the spice of love,’ as well as of life. As no one kind of food can nourish the system as well as a variegated diet * as no one study can as effectually discipline or en- large the mind as several ; as journeying over a champaign country is more beautiful than through a savannah ] as diversity is more pleasant than monotony, etc., throughout, of course equally so of love. One man finds one excellence in this woman, another in that, adapted to attract him and draw out his love. And vice versa of this woman as regards different men. And loving thus eclectically the charms of the different ones of the opposite sex, naturally develops his or her love much more effectually than each confining him or herself to any one, however perfect. This variety of love, therefore, exercises the love sentiment more perfectly, and especially perfects the character more than its restriction. No man can completely fill any one woman’s beau-ideal of a perfect man. Nor man woman’s. But, instead, a woman sees, and therefore must love the nobleness of those who are more noble than talented, and the talent of those who are more tal- ented than noble, the oratory of this, the logic of that, the form or manners of the other, etc., and so on to the end of the whole chapter 166 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. of whatever a first-class woman, admires in a man. And vice versa man as regards woman ” But is this argument either logical or correct? Is variety in very deed the spice even of life ? Is it the rolling stone that gathers most moss ? Is the home sentiment better satisfied with getting up and living in this house to-day, that to-morrow, and the other the next ? Or in this country this year, and other countries other years? On “Greenland’s icy mountains” one season, and India’s burning plains the next, and so on through life ? Or is parental love better satisfied with fondling and teaching a Caucasian child to-day, a Malay to- morrow, and a mulatto the day after ? Or by loving and caring for the same children from birth to maturity? And which is best for children, different teachers, governors, etc., or the same continued ? Is Adhesiveness better developed by forgetting the friends of yesterday in those of to-day? Or by intercommuning through life with the same neighbors and friends ? Or is transitory friendship the best for the befriended ? Rather, is not friendship like wine, the stronger as it becomes older ? And in those cemented by a long course of unin- terrupted friendship ? Or is Aliinentiveness better satisfied by sitting down to Vitellius’ forty thousand different dishes at once, or by mak- ing a full meal off one substantial dish ? It is a law of appetite, which all can test at every meal, that it requires several mouthfuls of the same dish to fairly set the appetite * that changing the dish re- quires several mouthfuls before the second dish begins to relish • so that we take much more of even gustatory pleasure in partaking of but one dish at a meal than several. And all physiologists testify that a homogeneous meal is promotive of, while a hodge-podge one retards, di- gestion. And notice it when and where you will, you are never as well satisfied at a table loaded with everything imaginable, as with a single substantial dish. And hence our first-class hotels are rarely satisfactory. Their very variety spoils. And does not the old man relish his accustomed dish better than any new one, though intrin- sically better ? Would a lion’s or elephant’s diet be better by each eating meat, herbs, and grain at the same meal ? Or is Acquisitiveness better delighted by selling dry goods to-day, hardware to-morrow, groceries the next, lands and houses the next, etc. ? That is, by variety than continuity ? In fact, does not the whole business world practically refute this variety argument ? Or is Constructivepess more pleased or better skilled by building steam-engines to-day, Frenchified toys to-morrow, and watches the day after ? Or by working steadily on one iking ? Or shall a man seek honor in traffic to-day, in oratory to-morrow, in politics the next, LOVE INSTINCTIVELY DUAL, NOT PLURAL. 167 \ and the pulpit the fourth ? That is, in different callings, or the same one ? Or is the mind better disciplined by thinking and learning a little about many things, or much about some one thing ? And are not old people remarkable for sameness , not variety, in everything? When old Parr breaks in upon ins regular habits, he dies. In short, this doctrine of variety, when applied to each and all the other facul- ties and human efforts, becomes perfectly ridiculous. Too utterly futile to begin to be argued. All facts, all theory, all experience in everything sustain continuity, and ignore this variety doctrine. If variety were the spice of life, why not better for an oak to be oak to-day, pine to-morrow, poplar the next, and a man, man to-day, dog to-morrow, and fish the third, instead of each being the same through life ? Universal nature sustains continuity in opposition to variety. In short, Nature has placed an organ or faculty in the human head and mind, the very primal office of which is, to interdict variety and secure continuity. And what is especially applicable to our argu- ment is, that this organ, called Continuity, is located right over the social group, which it partly encircles , obviously in order that it may continue them in their action. It is shaped like a new moon, its two corners coming down over the social group, and ending at the organ of Conjugality, which mates or pairs . 41 If this is not demonstration itself, pray what is ? But that nothing may be wanting to completely demonstrate Nature ? s one-love ordinance, she still further re-establishes it by — 43. LOVE INSTINCTIVELY DUAL, NOT PLURAL. Nature’s instincts constitute her great proclamation of both her wants, and their supply — her laws, and their requisitions. By them she proclaims to each and all her subjects, animate and inanimate — - their need of food, what kind is best for each one, and how to eat, as well as whatever appertains to a perfect alimentation. This is doubly true in her animal and human creations. And throughout each and all their functions. Indeed, instinct consists in the natural action of her primitive faculties. Further, what is reason but the instinctive action of her reasoning powers ? And thus of Memory, Conscience, Mechanism, everything ? Love, too, is an ordinance of Nature . 4 6 Therefore, it likewise must needs have its instincts. Indeed, we virtually based our argument as !.o Nature’s true love season on this instinct . 39 It not only provokes love, but also governs it. And each and all its instincts are right. Are Nature’s fiat, and therefore God’s law. And hence, absolutely reliable. Indeed, Nature is the grand trunk of all our doctrines on all 168 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. subjects. She is sacred. Is doubly sacred in whatever appertains to love. 3 And expresses her love laws in and by her love intui- tions. And thereby justly punishes all delinquents. An innocent girl, brought up in perfect ignorance of whatever concerns Nature’s love-requisitions, breaks them fundamentally, and incurs their dread- ful penalties. Now is not her punishment hard, cruel, and unjust ? Not at all. It would be, but that she has intuition for her infallible guide in all things, love included. And has discarded this guide. Nor is she ever punished unless and until she abuses her own con- sciousness by running counter to her sacred instincts. She has sinned against her own nature , and therefore deserves punishment. Then, what are Nature’s love instincts respecting a duality or a plurality of this love element? We speak not of friendship. That is plural. As one man or woman can have many friends of the same sex, so they can have still more of the opposite. For friendship naturally cements between opposite sexes more readily than within either. Nor yet of mere lust, for that, too, is promiscuous. It mat- ters little who, so that the sex is opposite. But we speak of that deep, intense sow^-union already described. 6 38 Please read discriminatingly pages 41, 42, and then go away back and down, ye who have ever loved, into the deepest recesses of your own souls, and live over again that sacred spell — your first love season. Not any mere girlish or boyish love. This element was then but flitting from flower to flower, in order, by tasting many, to select the best single one. Nor do we refer to this sentiment after it has become vulgarized. And this is the case in by far too many. And often corrupted so young as almost to obliterate its instincts before it becomes matured. But we speak of those thoroughly sexed, 4 5 yet not sensualized, after they have come fairly to experience the full instinctive workings of love. Did you, or did you not, then individualize that love- object ? Did you, as a man, love any and every female because one, and the prettiest the most, or single out some one as its special idolized mate? I put this question right home to your own ad hominem consciousness — that high- est tribunal of truth — did you, or did you not, while interchanging that most sacred of all sentiments, intermingle exclusiveness there- with ? Did you not in effect say — I love you, and you alone of all others, and gladly give up all for you? Do you give up all for me?” u Indeed I do. Others may be good, but you are best. I have friendship for others, but love for none but you. And if, in the course of human events, I am not permitted to marry you, I never desire to marry another, and never wil 1 . Do you reciprocate this sacred pledge ?” LOVE INSTINCTIVELY DUAL, NOT PLURAL. 169 “I do. And with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Be I where I may, on mountain top or in valley deep ; on barren rock or fertile plain ; by stream, in wood, on lawn, by wayside and fireside, on land, on sea, near by and far off, in prosperity and in adversity, by night and day, in youth, life’s meridian and decline, and clear down to and in death, I will ever love you , and you alone. And if I die first, I will be your guardian spirit till death brings you to my angel arms. And through eternal ages I will love God first, and you next. And the more as eternity rolls on. Do you reciprocate this solemn pledge of eternal love ?” 11 1 do. By all that is beautiful and perfect on earth and in sky; by this lovely flower I now pluck on this sacred spot and place on your breast ; by the air I breathe, and food and fruits I eat ; by the earth beneath and the heavens above ; by sun, moon, and star — yon bright star we will now select to preside over our life-destiny — by my own very being itself and yours, and the great God who gave it to us both ; by the eternity of his years and ours, 1 here solemnly consecrate my whole self and being to you, and you alone, for life, in death, and forevermore. Amen.” Is not this the natural outgushing of all genuine love ? If it is not always expressed, is it not always felt? It is implied too deeply to need utterance. As, if, a finger crushed, its pain is presupposed — no need of its declaration — so, who that ever makes love, but either utters or implies this exclusiveness 1 This wholly thine is as indigenous to love as heat to fire, as cold to ice. Is its sine qua non : and inseparable from love. It is its universal, necessary concomitant. An integral part and parcel of it. Indeed, its main constituent. Who ever pre- tends to make love without expressing or implying it ? Only children of lust, not love. Mere sensuality does not thus pledge or exact ex- clusiveness. Aspasia was not thus exclusive. Nor Venus. But their love was confessedly personal ; not that highest, holiest love in- stinct. Now, if community of love were its natural manifestation, the cuckold would even delight in his loved one’s liasons ; and she in his. Or thus : The male loves all true exhibitions of genuine feminine character, and female of masculine. Therefore, if promiscuosity were innate, every man would instinctively love those women best who most loved the most men. And the converse, women as regards men. This would obviate all need and idea of u intrigues,” and actually pay a bonus to openness. Instead, conjugal amours are kept secret, and discovered, avenged. Even in Mormonism, let but another man make love to any one of his fifteen wives, and Brigham Young would shoot him with as much relish as he would a panther. Even free-love advo- 8 170 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. cates not many loves as much as re-mating. Why, the very idea that one’s love is common, not special — that a frail one bestows favors equal- ly on all — breaks its sacred spell. And always disgusts, never attracts. Say, humanity, is not this thus? Say more, do you not involuntarily loath frailty ? Say, woman, do or can you love most, him who loves all your sex in general, or only you in special ? If, like talents, morals, ingenuity, eating, etc., promiscuosity is love’s natural mani- festation, it should attract and be attracted, honored, valued, praised, and cultivated by common consent Indeed it is, always has been, always must be, despised, kept hidden. And the more as man ad- vances from age to age in the scale of humanity. Virtue vcas esteemed by the ancients some. Is by the moderns more. And will be more yet, as the race progresses • for it is written right down deep into the first principles of human consciousness. An illustrative anecdote : A tender-hearted swain, coming fourteen miles to hear a lecture on marriage, said, at its close, u Please, sir, your advice. I am in this quandary : I have been paying my ad- dresses to two young ladies of our village — one the handsomer, the other the better — in doubt which to select. Not long since, the better says, c George, I have one especial favor to ask : that you make choice between Jane and me. If you prefer her, I have nothing to say. But I have to request, that if you continue your addresses to her , you will please discontinue them to me? ” Now, did or did not this young lady express a true human senti- ment, in requiring him to be exclusive in his attentions, by choosing the one or the other? Did she not ? If a lover should say fondly to his loved one, “ Jane, I love you for this, that, the other excellences, but I also love Harriet for others, and Julia for others still,” would A Jane say, “ Then give all your love to Harriet or Julia; I want unless I can have all? 1 And this is universal humanity. Why, ‘ very beginnings of love recognize this mine-and-thine sentiment in this custom and instinct, that while two are making love to each ci her, all others who are well-bred and moral keep aloof till one dis- misses the other, when all feel at liberty to proffer their love until another one is selected, when all others again retire. By common consent, those who attempt to “cut another out” are despised as heart-robbers, and always rendered miserable thereby. A splendid- looking young man captivated one of two rival belles of a New En- gland village, loved devotedly, was loved, and partly engaged. But a rival belle, out of sheer vanity, set her cap to cut out her rival, suc- ceeded, married him, and has lived a most wretched life ever since, now parting, now re- uniting, while he, too, drinks— just penalties for FIRST LOVE. 171 trifling with Nature’s sacred ordinance of one love. Our one-love argument is still further strengthened by FIRST LOVE. Our first doing or experiencing of anything carries with it a certain freshness, novelty, and zest forever to be remembered, and unknown to any of its repetitions. Thus, how much more life-inspiring the first breath than any subsequent one ! So of the first walk, horseback ride, dollar earned, and successful achievement of any kind, first-born included. Now here is an unmistakable law of mind. Then does it apply to First Love as to first everything else? Does it not ? And with tenfold more power than to anything, every- thing else besides, because the impressions of love are so far more vivid than any and all others. It opens up a train of sensations both so new and so delightful as to throw all others into the shade, and writes itself so indelibly, as with the point of a diamond, right into the innermost tablet of memory, and our very being itself, as always and everywhere to stand first, and grow more vivid and intense with age. This same law applies equally to the first marriage ceremony, and its incidents, subsequent ones being more mechanical. Obviously, then, self-interest should prompt all human beings to make the very most possible out of first love, courtship, and marriage ] and in order thereto, to postpone it just long enough, but none too long, and manage it just right in every respect. And if they do, there is no measuring the amount of happiness it will yield them. The sacredness of love still further demonstrates its unity. Were the shrines of Diana and the vestal fires of Delphos sacred to their worshipers, and is not love more holy, its altars more inviolable, its pledges more plighted, its vows more sacred, and this sentiment more instinctively holy than any, than all other human emotions ? Does it not consecrate the very ground they tread together, and all the incidents in which they participate ? 33 What relics as sacred as those consecrated thereby? It is the “ vail within,” the “inner temple” of the human soul. The “ ark of the covenant,” the “holy of holies the high priest, clothed with the “Urim and Thummim,” offering up consecrated incense on humanity’s holiest altar, within its most holy place. And for this most obvious reason : Life is infinitely sacred. Hence the capital punishment inflicted on those who destroy it. Equally sacred is all connected with it. Its origin especially included. Love is the instrumentality of this origin . 3 4 5 And therefore correspond- ingly sacred. 172 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. 44. THE MINE-AND-THINE INTUITION OF LOVE. Nature has implanted in every human being — animal even — a cer- tain “ mine- and- thine^ sentiment. “ This is my bone , 77 says the dog; “my nest , 77 says the robin; “my clothes, house, property , 77 says the man. Some things do belong to one ; others to another — are owned by those who make or get them lawfully. This feeling is created by Acquisitiveness, which both inspires us to get and keep, and tells us that things rightly earned are ours. It is a necessary human element. Without it, nothing could ever belong to any one. Not even our own eyes, teeth, hands, clothes, houses, anything, could belong to either us or any one else, for all idea of property would be unknown. And as there could be no feeling of ownership, therefore there would be little stimulant to personal effort of any kind. But for it, little would ever be obtained and nothing preserved. Blot it out, and you paralyze all kinds of business and industry. It is the great motor-wheel of hu- man acquisition and effort. It gives and respects ownership. “ This is mine, that yours ; let each be content with his own . 77 Theft is but its violation. And its punishment is deserved. But it appertains to talents, ideas, inventions, mental acquisitions, honor, shame, health, life, and a thousand other things, quite as effect- ually as to property. Else, why “ pay off noble deeds by praise, or ignoble by reproach ? But there exists also a principle of community of possession, as when a company, city, or nation have combined to create public buildings, works, property, etc. Then 'does this community-feeling naturally accompany love ? Does each individual member of each sex love each and all the mem- bers of the other, as common property ? Or does each love some one as “mme , 77 not ours ? Let the instincts of all who love answer. And let that answer be heeded. Who that loves but feels “ this is my own dear one, and mine alone to love , 77 just as much as any laborer ever felt “ this is my own dollar for my own day 7 s work ? 77 This own feeling is as necessary an element of love, and inseparable from it, as even sexuality itself. Nor can a high, honorable, conscientious human being love one felt to belong to another. Love can fasten only where others 7 claims are virtually canceled. Did not ye who have ever loved, do not ye who now love, feel that this u my own ,7 sentiment appertains to your loved one quite as effectually as to any dollar or article you ever considered yours? More even? It appertains to nothing else on earth as effectually as to a loved one. This feeling is instinctive. It is the natural outworking of human consciousness — THE MINE* AND- THINE INTUITION OF LOVE. 173 that highest possible evidence. As the consciousness that we see is the strongest possible proof that we do see, so this internal conscious- ness that this loved one is mine, all mine, and mine alone , to love — that another’s coming in to draw off this love is despicable robbery — that u he who steals my purse steals trash,” in comparison with him who robs me of my loved one — is demonstration, u strong as holy writ,” that this u my own” feeling legitimately belongs to love. This argument is absolutely fatal to a community of love, and con- clusive in favor of exclusiveness. Moreover, I own myself. My title to do whatever I please with myself is even higher than landed titles, because derived directly from my Maker. My right is absolute , either to give or sell either my time or each or all my powers to whom I please. And for any specified price or period. Very well. Then I choose to give or sell myself to love a particular female. And take pay in her love for me. And I get a quid pro quo , because it renders me immeasurably happy — the end of all pay. I transfer, I li deed' 11 away my love faculty to her, and take pay in her deed of her love faculty to me, as long as we live. And now, in the name of all human rights, have we not a sovereign right to make this contract, and seal it as we do in and by a public marriage ? Then is she not mine, and am I not hers, to love and cherish till death separates us ? If this does not give me a clear “ title ” to her, and her to me, pray what can give any title to any- thing ? And it is in this inalienable human right that this instinctive feel- ing of mine 1 as appertaining to love and offspring, consists, and of which marriage is but its public acknowledgment and record. Matri- mony is therefore an ordinance of Nature, because but the expression of one of her institutes. u But why amplify a position rendered conclusive by either of these arguments ?” To render certainty doubly sure. To put a final quietus on this vexed question. To demonstrate it. To give it the elevated rank of a scientific truth , instead of leaving it merely hypothetical. For mark the difference between a flippant, declaratory, off-hand, declamatory, plausible, perhaps even eloquent essay, and a scientific natural truth completely demonstrated. In a question thus vitally important to the well-being, to the very existence even, of the race, declamation is not sufficient. It requires to be proved as an ordinance of Nature, that each and all may hear and heed its authoritative edict. For, mark, Nature’s edict is God’s law. 174 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. Then have we not completely settled this mooted question, that every human soul should love one, and but one of the opposite sex? Quod erat demonstrandum . “ But your one-love argument, drawn from instinct, cuts both ways, yet favors promiscuosity most. Though exclusiveness forms a poetic episode in some romantic loves, yet the instinctive workings of this love element, from the days when the c sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair, 5 all along down to even our own day, from the least to the greatest of men and women, have favored promiscu- osity. Even Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and those holy men of old, had many loves, and yet talked with God. Venus, who personified pro- miscuosity, and whose worship actually consisted therein, was the most loved and worshiped of all the ancient deities: whereas Diana, who personified exclusiveness, had but a single temple and few wor- shipers. What other, of all the ancient gods and goddesses, confined themselves to one love ? And these deities were the examples of their votaries. Was and is not virtue practically unknown in Egypt, China, and, indeed, all the nations of the East? Do not the Moham- medans limit the number of their loved ones only by their means of purchase and support? And are not they considered happiest and honored most who can obtain and sustain the greatest number ? Why the harem need its eunuchs, and all Eastern females require watching, but because promiscuosity is indigenous to the sex, that touchstone of love? If naturally exclusive, why need watching? Indeed, where was or is virtue the rule, and promiscuosity the ex- ception ? “ True, Christianity preaches it, but how few of its few professors, much less those outside its pale, are “without this sin!” Though Anglo-Saxon law and public sentiment throw their whole weight into its scales, yet did not one of England’s noble peers declare, and that in Parliament, when discussing the clause in their new divorce bill — whether a husband’s infidelity should entitle a wife to divorce — that “ such a clause would unmarry most of the members of Parliament, and practically annul the marriage contract ?” And is not this dec- laration as true here as there ? How few would be hurt, if those who have sinned in this respect were to be stoned only by those who have not ! Do not all the sons of shame and daughters of frailty, including all who have broken their marital vows, give the practical negative to your argument from instinct, and leave almost the whole race arrayed against it ? Even its great men and noted women, ancient and modern — the dignitaries of Greece in visiting Aspasia ; the acknowledged sensualism of its Bacons, Pitts, Foxes, Websters, THE PENALTIES C)E PERVERTED LOVE. 176 Vv 7 ellingtons — Washington and a few others alone excepted — prove that human instinct, in its broadest range and noblest specimens, ignores this exlcusiveness of love, and practically declares for its promiscuosity.” Indisputable facts. Pertinent questions. Cogent arguments. Mark well their final answer, as embodied in 45. — THE PENALTIES OF PERVERTED LOVE. Normal love, being thus dual, and promiscuosity its violation , 43 * 044 and these penalties most terrible, because duality is so infinitely im- portant , 3 41 and being equally far-reaching with the transgression itself, which is interwoven into the very warp, woof, and customs of society, and likewise running in the direct line of the law broken — that is, the marital — as well as consequent thereon and consisting therein ; verily, it is high time society discovered and obviated both the transgression itself, and its dreadful consequences. They consist in these three: First, in the inflammation and perversion; second, in the retroversion ; and, third, in the deadened state, of this love element. First, of perverted love, or sensuality in all its forms. Only love perverted by interruption becomes sensualized, and craves variety. That does. That is, genuine love is dual; only lust is plural. Normal love is pure. Its attractions are mental , not animal. Each loves the other’s soul mainly, instead of body. They love beyond measure to walk, talk, and be together, and interchange thoughts and emotions , but the love of each for the other’s s^m^-principle so far transcends that for their persons merely, that the latter is hardly recognized. It was beautifully, forcibly expressed by an English lady betrothed to an East Indian officer, who, having lost his eye, leg, and arm in action, and had been badly scarred and mutilated besides, wrote her that therefore he absolved her from the engagement if she wished ; to which she replied : “ I love only your soul^ and as long as you have body enough left to contain that , my love and satisfaction are complete and unwavering.” Reader, one and all, go back to your own experience — that great teacher. While reciprocating your first genuine love, however great your facilities for its carnal gratification, such a thought never once entered into the desires or feelings of either. And if it had, you would have shrunk therefrom as from a viper. Your love was too pure, too holy, to once think of dragging it down from a plane so exalted to one so low. And it remained so as long and as far as you cherished this its spiritual phase. If I had a thousand men and women of various ages under my charge, for the 176 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. virtue of each of whom I was responsible in the price of my head, I should sleep soundly, and feel perfectly safe, though they might be exposed to the temptations even of a Joseph, as long and as far as they all kept up this mental phase of normal love; because it renders each perfectly satisfied in and with the other. And consecrates both to each other . 43 44 And so perfectly fascinates and charms them with each other as completely to enchain the love of each to the other. What if other beauties do dance however gayly, and other gallants bear themselves in a style however captivating; what if others evince charms however fascinating, or talents however splendid; though they may admire others, yet they love only each other. And are all and in all to one another; the very sun, moon, and stars rising and setting in their beloved. They no more think of reciprocating love with another than plucking out a right eye. Far off and near by, in the gay assembly and in the social circle, in public and private, in act and feeling, they are as true to each other as the needle to its pole. The world is challenged to produce an instance of infidelity when and while fully reciprocated first love is nourished on both sides. Indeed, give the world one generation of uninterrupted loves, and you thereby give it a generation practically pure and virtuous. The reign of this pure mental love forestalls even conjugal discord, much more infidel- ity, both being precluded by the very nature of the love element itself. For love so magnifies the excellences, and is so totally blind to the faults of its object, that each sees only the good traits of the other, and never can or will perceive faults, however clearly proved. Each is absolutely perfect in the eyes of the other. And both are perfectly satisfied in and with each other — perfectly magnetized, spell-bound charmed, infatuated, and therefore incapable of yielding themselves one hair’s breadth to the abhorred arms of another. Nothing is so utterly repellant. Even death is preferable. Its obvious reason is this : the whole philosophy of love, in all its phases and degrees, centers in its transmitting office . 4 5 6 Perfect transmission requires the perfect blending of all the parental entities. But the parental mentalities require to be transmitted more even than their physiologies. Hence, by as much as the transmission of mind is more important than that of body merely, must parental love cen- ter in each other’s mentalities, in order to their transmission. In a true-love state, therefore, their mental assimilation becomes the most essential feature of love, because it endows their posterity with mind, spirit, and soul in ascendency over mere flesh and blood. Nature, therefore, ordains that normal love shall appertain to, and unite the mental elements of parents first and mainly. That this shall be the THE PENALTIES OF PERVERTED LOVE. 177 very heart’s core of love. This spirit-union it is which renders them perfectly faithful to each other, because so perfectly happy in each other, as long and as far as it continues uninterrupted. And com- pletely enchains, because enchants, both with each other. But let this sacred spell once be broken, their fidelity suffers a like breach, because of this prior breach in its foundation. As long as this river of love flows forth in its normal channel of mental love, it wafts them only into each other’s arms, whereas damming it up in this its natural flow by mutual dissatisfaction, obliges it to burst over and flow outside its normal mental channel into another, or else dry up al- together. Denied this its legitimate phase, it must either seek a phys- ical, or perish. It generally does the former, on the principle, better abnormal action than none. This interruption now causes those very same things which strengthened a perfect love to weaken that which has been impaired, just as those winds which strengthen sound trees, break those unsound. It induces a state of love which is to its nor- mal function what dyspepsia is to digestion. And for the same reason, namely, that the laws of both have been broken. And as dyspepsia engenders a gnawing, hankering, insatiable appetite, because Aliment- iveness is inflamed, so disappointment, by inflaming Amativeness, causes a like morbid craving after variety and carnality, along with a dissatisfaction therein which reinflames both mind and body through- out, and consumes not only the love element of its pitiable victim, but that victim besides. Platonic love quenches animal in all its phases, by rendering its participants so much the happier. But this Platonic phase once seriously interrupted by whatever cause, it must now live on animal food, or die out altogether, because no other form remains. Hence the infidelities of wedlock are always necessarily consequent on prior conjugal alienation, because it prefers poor food to none. To detail this point by a supposition : Mrs. S., thoroughly sexed , 4 5 and therefore full of this love which constitutes the very core and glory of woman’s womanliness, bestows it all completely on Mr. S. because he courts, feeds, and elicits it by a thousand-and-one of those masculine attentions which naturally win a woman’s heart. And continues faithful in this love as long as he continues to cherish it by manifesting his love for her. But at length he becomes more interested in politics, in ambitionary and pecuniary schemes, in clients, constituents, etc., than in her, and can not even take time to express that diminished love for her he yet actually feels. Of course her love for him naturally declines from pure starvation . 11 How could it do otherwise ? This decline obliges her either to ignore the masculine sex altogether, or bestow it on some other masculine 8 * 178 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. object. She finds that object in Mr. K., who elicits her love for him by manifesting his own for her. Mr. S. is so very busy that he really can not spend time in her society to receive and reciprocate her caresses, take lover’s walks or talks with her, accompany her to ball or party, of which she is passionately fond, and the like ; but K. can, and does. K. promotes, S. neglects, her happiness. Of course, by virtue of that first law of mind already mentioned — that we love what makes us happy, and hate what renders us miserable — as K. makes her happy by reciprocating her love, and S. miserable, first by chilling it, then by suspicions and reproaches, she comes to love K. but dislike S. S. stings her to the quick by upbraiding and accusation, and thereby re-repels ; while K. elicits her love by compliments, by blandishments, by one and all the manifestations of love. Now, by a law of mind, the natural result is infidelity to S., but fidelity to K. What matters it that S. is her legal husband ? He does not live a true conjugal life. He is as sacredly bound by Nature’s conjugal laws to feed her love element as her physical appetite. To pay his debt of love to her as his bank note. Now be it that she does S. a great wrong by her infidelity, yet did he not do her a prior wrong ? And was not hers to him but the legitimate consequence of his to her. Was she not sinned against , as well as sinning? Supposing him to have denied her all food and clothing instead of love, what would and should she then have done ? But if even yet S. will only cherish her gushing affection, re-enlist her love for him by manifesting his for her, it will again flow forth to him alone, and remain perfectly true as long and as far as they con- tinue to reciprocate each other’s love. The principle here exemplified accounts for all cases of conjugal infidelity. It is not that those wiio sin have too much of this love ele- ment, any more than too much intellect, or kindness, or justice. Nor yet that it is sensual by nature. But it is that, once drawn forth and then dammed up, it must either staunch, or else burst forth in a flood of infidelity. The former unsexes ; 6 the latter corrupts. But who is most to blame, the one who has called out only to starve this element, or wTio prefers its vitiation to its inanition — poor food to starvation ? And all required both to forestall and to restore all such delinquents, is simply to re-cherish that pure mental love which is its only pre- ventive and antidote. This principle calls up and expounds, as well as accounts for, that aspersion above expressed, that woman is naturally frail; that li every female has her price,” and expressed most boldly by those best qualified to judge experimentally in declaring, u that any woman can be ruined in forty-eight hours.” JEALOUSY : ITS CAUSE AND CURE. 179 That there is much reason for this aspersion is admitted. But mark, as long as any true woman lives in a state of genuine affection, she never can by any possibility be led astray, but will both repel and petrify all men who make the attempt, but prefers death rather. Yet when this love perishes, temptation, skillfully applied, is indeed but too efficacious, because Nature’s maternal command is so impe- rious, that, denied its legitimate form, it assumes an illegitimate, as better than none. And the fact that so many can be tempted but shows how many have been disappointed. Let the affections of the sex never be first trifled with, and their virtue is proof against any and all temptation. This same principle also explains — JEALOUSY : ITS CAUSE AND CURE. We have already shown why it was instituted . 41 This shows that the main fault lies with the jealous party. Thus, Mr. A. is jealous of Mrs. A. This presupposes that she has an abundance of this fem- inine or love element, but that he has not, or at least does not man- ifest, enough of the masculine to elicit it. Or, rather, ffiat he awakened only to dissatisfy it. A precious confession, indeed ! Sooner than proclaim my own deficiency by publishing my jealousy, I would keep both to myself. Moreover, expressing his jealousy to her only re- alienates, making her worse by causing her pain. Instead, he should do his very utmost to render himself so much more lovely than his rival as to withdraw her affection back to himself. And he who can not, with all the facilities afforded by wedlock, render himself so much more lovely to his wife than any other man as to forestall all occasions for jealousy, should quietly pocket his trouble, instead of proclaiming his masculine inferiority. But of all the outrageously suspicious beings who walk the face of this earth, those who are jealous are the most so. They magnify mole-hills into mountains. Their stand-point of observation, their state of mind, is such as to do the most palpable injustice to the sus- pected party, by misconstruing everything, and conjuring up the worst of motives for the most innocent of acts. They are downright mad , as well as foolish, and accuse because they themselves are in an accusing mood. Their Amativeness has become reversed, and this reverses everything . 46 Let me be confined to the desert of Sahara, or wrecked on a sea-girt rock ; let me become anything else, and subjected to everything, but deliver me from either being jealous myself, or bem, watched by the jaundiced eyes of a jealous companion. Rather pur- gatory, and done with it. This same principle of interrupted love as causing its perversion, 180 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. just shown to cause and always accompanying conjugal infidelity, also causes sensuality or licentiousness in all its forms, phases, and degrees, both past and present, including those examples just em- bodied in the very objection we are now answering. Grave, indeed, is this sin of sins. Against what does the Bible thunder forth its fearful anathemas as often or as violently as against fornication, adultery,” and like vices. Even the Decalogue, though interdicting only three sins, idolatry, lying, and theft besides this, yet anathematizes this twice. Not all the other curses of humanity put together equal this, either in universality, moral turpitude, or ter- rible consequences. Nothing else is as fatal to health, happiness, and even life itself. Neither drunkenness, nor profanity, nor knavery in all its various forms, nor hatred, not even murder, at all compare with this sexual sin in either heinousness or terrible retribution. And to arrest this terrible vice alone would arrest most other human deprav- ities. Now does, or does not, interrupted love engender sensual desire ? We aver it fearlessly, that every instance of prostitution — both shame- less and ashamed, both public and private, both legalized as in France, and connived at by law as in England and America; whether perpetrated in the venereal haunts of all cities and most villages, or poisoning the very atmosphere of nearly all our country districts ; whether arraying itself in the gaudy attire of fashionable life and usages, or in its most beggarly and loathsome forms — can be traced directly to interrupted love as its first legitimate and procuring cause. Words utterly fail to depict and imagination to conceive either its ex- tent, its ramifications, or fearful eventualities. How vast this sea of sin ! It is, indeed, the heart’s core of all evil. No other is either co-extensive or co-destructive. What other is to-day bearing upon its dark waters a tithe as many broken-down sons of natural genius, nobleness, and power, or naturally superb samples of female loveli- ness, now hopelessly corrupted, to a dark grave, and a darker eter- nity ? What philanthropist but sees and mourns over it? What Christian but prays against it? What patriot but sees in it more danger to his country than in any other public vice ? Then, one and all, in the name of bleeding, erring humanity, in what consists its preventive and cure ? In cherishing normal love when once elicited. In considering and treating love as sacred and inviola- ble, and on no account to be interrupted. In parents properly guid- ing, instead of as now proudly interfering with and breaking up, the first pure affections of their sons and daughters, and thus throwing them into this vortex of sensuality. In husbands and wives, keeping JEALOUSY : ITS CAUSE AND CURE. 181 up reciprocal love, instead of allowing it to perish for want of mutual expression. That is, in obeying , instead of as now, breaking in upon this sacred inviolability of true love. Oh ! if I had the trumpet voice of the seventh archangel, and were permitted to blow upon it but one blast of three words, to be heard and heeded by the assembled race, present and future, they would be : Preserve Love Inviolate ! This single short sentence, obeyed, would soon regenerate the race ! It would usher in even millennial glory with the first generation, and give it full-orbed splendor in the next; partly by forestalling and preventing adult vices, and rendering them immaculate as to this sin, and thereby most others . 86 But mainly by ushering upon the human stage a generation naturally pure, because the offspring of pure affec- tion. It is this flirtation, this “making conquests , 77 this courting “just for fun , 77 this interfering and trifling with Nature’s sacred love- requisitions, which causes, directly and indirectly, this sea of sin in thought and heart, as well as act and life. And creates a world of vice and misery which no tongue can tell, no finite mind even begin to estimate. And yet young people of both sexes actually boast over their conquests, and triumph therein, as the angler over the silly fish taken by his barbed bait. Let the confidence man boast over his dupes ; but, 0 man and woman, boast not thou over those of the oppo- site sex who have confided their affections to you, only to be be- trayed ! Sacrilege the most sacrilegious ! Instead, let each and all guard both their own affections, and those of the other sex. And parents, especially mothers, be persuaded, instead of furthering these captivations, to set your faces sternly against them. To both instruct them — and what instruction is equally important ? — in these matters, by putting, say this book, into their hands, enforced by familiar con- versations ; and see to it that their loves and courtships are genuine , instead of a ticklish pastime joke. They naturally look to you for needed teaching and advice. Then should you not guide their affec- tions, quite as much as instruct their intellects? Even more, because is it not more important to their life-long virtue and happiness? They are more to be pitied than blamed. They know no better. True, their instincts revolt . 43 But others do so ; why not they also? They follow custom until perverted love engulfs them in this whirlpool of sensuality; whereas a single timely suggestion from you, chiming in with their own instincts, would have saved them. And these fashionable usages, one and all, are directly calculated, if not intend- ed, 10 pervert this sacred love sentiment. Pray, my countrymen, and 182 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. doubly women, ye especial guardians and ministers of love, do be per- suaded duly to consider this subject, and help on this most needed reform . Reader, are these things thus? Catechise philosophy and observa- tion, and, above all, your own innermost experience, and mark well this focal conclusion of this whole matter* namely, that the main cause of all sensuality centers in interrupted love, and its cure, in a perfect affection — that is, simply in perpetrating normal love. But the second stage of interrupted love is — 46 . THE RETROVERTED PHASE OF LOVE. This constitutes its second state. By a first law of love, just de- scribed, being felt by its victims to be corrupt and corrupting, it event- uates in loathing and disgust. It comes to hate the entire opposite sex, as a whole — a principle fully established as a fact, and its ration- ale abundantly explained, in Vol. II. It causes this retroversion on the additional principle that all sen- tient beings involuntarily shrink from whatever gives or has given them pain. Animal love is a breach of love’s law, because calculated to transmit only animality to its issue ; and hence causes pain, and thereby both self-loathing, and loathing of the other sex. As a raven- ous appetite is the first phase of dyspepsia, so is lust of interrupted love alike consequent on the inflammation of their respective organs. Both are. And as this stomachic inflammation first weakens, then nauseates, so of Amativeness. Its violent animal action causes dis- gust, which is only its averted or retroverted action, and alw*ays con- sequent on its previous excessive or wrong action in some form. Hence adults manifest more of it than young people yet comparatively innocent, and the more in proportion as this faculty has been previously paralyzed by its wrong action. Not, therefore, a very perfect love- sign. Such are most denunciatory on those who thus sin, because, as the parson said, when describing what a dreadful thing sin was, they u know by experience P The principle here involved embodies a fundamental truth alike applicable to all things. Does not he who overtaxed his nerves, muscles, brain, eyes, etc., yesterday, feel a proportionate aversion to excitement, work, study, sunlight, etc., to-day ? As those who gor- mandized yesterday loath food to-day, or gorged themselves last week with oysters, or anything else however good, become cloyed, and loathe their very sight and thought ever afterward; so those who loved so violently and animally last year, have come to be prudes this year, and are sickened with whatever appertains to love, and become THE RETROVERTED PHASE OF LOVE. 183 excessively fastidious. As, on the next day after a debauch, one’s stomach, all turmoil, can not endure to see food or liquors, or even hear them mentioned, so those prudes of both sexes, who arrogate to themselves the very quintessence of virtuous indignation, thereby but proclaim their own past impurity in the greedy but paralyzed state of their love element. To such almost anything is immodest, because they themselves are in the mood they charge on others. Et id omne genus. A state already partly described , 40 but here for the first time philosophically analyzed. It is caused by, and significant of, the par- tial paralysis of Amativeness by its previous wrong action in some form. It is called modesty” by some, and u false or mock-modesty” and prudery by others. But is most properly designated by retroverted love. And often intermingles cravings with aversion, like a dainty dyspeptic sitting down to a table, however well provided, but finding nothing good enough. Hungry and dainty * and therefore the hardest to please. Nothing suits. But this phase of the love element was obviously ordained for some wise purpose. That purpose is evidently to prevent additional wrong action, on the principle that aversion to food prevents that additional surfeiting which caused this aversion by breaking it down. A wise provision against further unsexing, and therefore incidentally curative. An anecdote will help give a clear idea of this frame of mind in extreme. A grass- widow coquette once came under my hands profes- sionally, who gave the following as her reason for both coquetting and hating all mankind: £: A schoolmate of mine, after both had grown up, courted me and solicited my hand. I gave it, and therewith my whole being. Woman could not love with devotion more complete than mine. We married. The next day. looking me full in the face, calling my name with em- phasis. he said, sternly: £ Julia, we are married, but only by law. You know I hated your father. I sought my revenge on him by spoil- ing your matrimonial prospects. This I have now accomplished, and am satisfied. I never did, never will love or live with you. We part here , and noiu. to meet no more and left for parts unknown. This struck me as if I had been shot through with forty bullets.” I use her exact words. {£ I fainted, and remained insensible I know not how long. But, on awakening, found myself helpless, and paralyzed with agony. It almost crushed the breath out of me. For vreeks my life hung as by a hair. I kept saying, £ How could he! What have I done to make him ! How could ho be so cruel ! ; At length, wrath 184 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. and revenge came to my rescue. I hated as I had loved, and only as one fiend could hate another. And have cursed him every waking hour since. This hatred turned the scale of disease in my favor. Before, I wished to die * I now determined to live, that I might re- venge myself on him and his sex. I thought if one man, and that my ideal, could do an act so fiendish, all men must be devils incarnate. I hate every man. And because of his sex. Vile all. And caring for woman only sensually. And I do indeed delight to tempt their passions until they commit themselves, and then dally with, tantalize, and expose them.” I replied : His wickedness admitted — and words can not measure it — yet be- cause one man outraged you, will you therefore debase your own nature just to avenge the sex? An Indian might avenge a wrong done by one of a hated tribe, by killing any other of that tribe ; but why, as now, should you demoralize yourself, and throw your whole being into an eclipse, merely out of spite to one man? It is bad enough for man to hate man, but the direst human depravity for woman to hate man. 616 And doubly so those who have done her no wrong.” She promised to reform. Now the trouble in this' and all like cases lies, not at all in those hated, but mainly in the hater. As in a neighborhood those are always the worst who are themselves continually finding fault with other neighbors, and bad in those very respects in which they accuse oth- ers, so these men-hating women, and women-hating men, by finding these, those, and the other faults with the opposite sex, only thereby proclaim their own matrimonial unhappiness. That wife who de- clared that she u hated all men in general, and her own husband in particular,” thereby evinced her own most satanic mood. Young peo- ple, yet unperverted, almost idolize the opposite sex. And of right. The sexes were constituted to love each other, not hate. 6 14 And all the more, the more perfect men and women they are. The higher and truer a man is, the more exalted and lovely woman is in his admiring eyes. And vice versa woman as to man. Those who love most are truest to Nature’s institutes, while those who hate most violate them most. Hence, the man-hating woman is the worst object the sun shines upon, except the woman-hating man, partly because themselves in a hateful mood, but most because they so outrage their sexual constitution. They despise the other sex because themselves in a des- picable state. Those they hate are lovely to others in a love-state, and would be to themselves if they too were in a loving mood. But this principle is so fundamentally important, and has been and will be so often employed, that we must needs expound that law of IHE RETROVERTED PHASE OF LOVE. 185 mind in which it is based. Then mark : Do not things look desirable or repugnant, ugly or pretty, black or blue, green or red, large or small, far or near, not at all according as they really are, but mainly accord- ing to the glasses through which they are viewed ? Niagara is not Niagara to the cow, and is the more grand the greater the perception of grandeur in the beholder. “Oh! aint that niceV ’ said a pretty finified feminine beholder of it, accustomed mainly to silks, laces, and filagrees. Does it not take a rogue to catch a rogue ? Are not the unsuspecting always innocent ? And will not those who are always suspecting bear to be suspected ? Watchful, bear watching? Do we not naturally judge others by ourselves ? As, sitting in a car by the side of another, when we start, it seems as if the other moved • but if the other, we : as our diurnal motion makes it seem to us as though sun, moon, and stars moved ; as it requires talents to perceive talents, where stulticity sees only folly ; as those who have been frozen, dread cold, but those burned, fire ; in short, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he and as “evil is to him who evil thinks while “ to the pure all things are pure so those to whom the opposite sex are loathsome, are themselves in a loathing mood, etc. And those so easily disgust- ed are so because disgusting. And those men who hate women, and women men, do so because of the averted or retroverled , qualmish, dys- peptic state of their own Amativeness, instead of the badness of those hated. This state is to Amativeness what fright or panic is to Cautious- ness • shame to Approbativeness ; seeing others in agony to Benevo- lence; blasphemy to worship ; self-loathing to Self-Esteem ; grief for a dearly loved child to Parental Love ; vulgarity to Ideality ; fear of imminent death to love of life ; irritability to courage ; dyspepsia to digestion ; rheumatism to motion : nervousness to healthy nerves ; and racking pains to the ecstasies of overflowing life. That is, it con- sists in the vitiated , abnormal action of sexuality, mental and phys- ical. And since all natural action is therefore right, whereas all unnatural or perverted is wrong, hence this abnormal or loathing ex- ercise of this love is its sinful and therefore painful action. Is but Nature’s punishment for previous wrong action, and calculated, like pain, when rightly improved, to produce a reform, and prevent future sin, and thereby suffering. Each sex ought to, and in a normal state does, worship at the shrine of the other . 5 I know indeed that a most lamentable number are in this very con- dition, because so many have violated Nature’s sexual institutes. Such a violation necessarily throws all its votaries into this state, in proportion to that violation. 186 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. To be sure, they may have sinned ignorantly, but does ignorance avert, or even mitigate, any of Nature’s punishments ? Do those who have taken poison ignorantly suffer any the less than if knowingly ? Do they not generally all the more, because ignorant of both the cause and cure ? Is he the less sick whose raging fever makes him think he is well ? Nowhere — in reference to nothing — is ignorance bliss. By an ordinance of things, “ knowledge is power,” here as elsewhere. Not that those in this state are culpable for any wrong intentions , like one who has inadvertently poisoned himself. They are more to be pitied than blamed. But being thus, is it not high time their eyes were opened ? Phrenology opens them by giving the first clear analysis of this state and its cause — interrupted love. Yet is this commonness to be wondered at ? The entire community is in total ignorance of this whole subject, and its philosophy. Is it any wonder that they violate it in practice? For conduct follows doctrine . 2 And the ignorance of one and all as to those laws which govern this entire subject-matter of this whole volume, is almost total and universal. And their violation equally universal. And these dread- ful consequences correspondingly so. When will man learn wisdom ? And this ignorance is likewise sel {-perpetuating. It begets in the majority that qualmish, averted state, just described, which ignores this whole subject ; and will not let it be talked about in private, or lectured about in public, or even written about, except in flagrant public cases, as of late, which panders to its diseased tastes, when the most prurient details are paraded in all their depraved particulars, read by all with avidity, and fully commented on pro and con. Where- as any rational, scientific exposition of this subject is regarded with most holy horror. And this horror becomes the more holy (?) as its subjects are in a more reverted state. The plain fact is, that the shameless sensualities of the court of Charles. II. gave the Puritan founders of New England, and thereby American feelings and customs, so great an abhorrence of those ex- cesses that they vainly attempted complete suppression, in place of right direction. Hence their “ Blue Laws,” et id genus omne. But these suppressing attempts only hemmed it in “behind the scenes.” Society seems to care less about this sin itself^ than its con- cealment. Like Spartan views of theft, those who could steal the most without getting caught were the best fellows. Only detection was disgraceful. “ I do not care so much about my husband’s amours,” said a wife, “ so that he is only smart enough about them not to have me see them. And I shan’t look so very sharply either, lest I should be obliged to see something T might not want to.” 11 Suh rosa ” seems AVERTED LOVE IN WEDLOCK 187 to be the watchword. But errors brought before the public gaze are most shocking in very deed ! We have already reproved this public prudery, but now analyzed it. The first error lies in presupposing that all exercise of Amative- ness is wrong 3 whereas all error lies only in its perverted action. And that all such action is right in marriage ; whereas its wrong action there is quite as wrong as elsewhere — worse, even. Society should consider the what more than merely where. Or, rather, both what where, and where what. Is it not high time they inquired, u What saith Nature’s sexual institutes” and lived up to them ! Then will all both love just right, and evade these punishments. AVERTED LOVE IN WEDLOCK. It remains only that we apply this perverted state of Amativeness to its marital form. To have loved before, and been disappointed, has given their Amativeness this partly inflamed and partly reversed phase of action. During courtship they get along quite well, be- cause so far restrained, and their association so partial, that they do not discover lurking antagonisms. But marriage, by their closer daily intimacy, soon discloses antagonisms not at all inherent in any nat- ural unfitness for each other, but in the half inflamed, half averted state of their love element. This renders them attracted, yet re- pelled. They love some, spar some, love on, quarrel on. But at length discord gains the day. Each means well, but does badly. Each now throws all the blame on the other, whereas both are actually blam- able. Both think themselves the most persecuted but patient creatures in the world — and they really are both — yet each is martyring the other, as well as being martyred. Whereas, if either, much more both, understood the true cause, namely, the wrong state of their love element, and applied the remedy we are here prescribing, and are yet to prescribe, they could and would soon render their love perfect. They began wrong. Their previous love interruption is the tap-root and trunk of their entire discord. They came to their love-banquet in a half nauseated state, and reincreased this qualmishness by putting their love too much on the animal base, which only still further re- averted it, and eventually, as it were by a kind of physical necessity, induced their conjugal difficulties. And now, reader, we claim to have probed this gangrene to its very core. To have laid open both the cause and extent of this great “so- cial evil.*’ And that on first principles. To have shown what , by having shown why. And in an eminently practical, because perfectly philosophical manner. And what is most, in explaining its cause, to 188 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. have incidentally eliminated those first principles in which the remedy consists. Before presenting which, one point more, namely : 47 . THE LETHARGIC OR DEADENED STATE OF LOVE. By a law of things, over-action always and "necessarily first in- flames, then exhausts, and thereby deadens. Hence, that perverted and retroverted action of love already described, naturally eventuates in its comatose state, which is to its normal what lethargy is to life. It is the wreck, the paralysis of the wTiole sexual constitution , 5 6 and with it all its potent influences on character . 36 As in progressive dyspepsia a ravenous morbid hankering after food supplants a natural appetite, and gormandizing greed an epicurean relish for fine flavors ; and as this greed merges into that deadened state of the stomach which cares little for food anyhow, and is alike indifferent to what and how much, such eating mechanically and with- out relish even the choicest dainties — so this retroversion of love eventuates in both a complete indifference to the other sex in general, and own companion in particular. Like the sick man who suffers terribly till so far gone that his pain ceases because he is almost dead, so a cold, leaden dormancy supervenes on that life and warmth generated by a true sexuality . 3 6 Its pitiable victims have lost their distinctive sexual characteristics, and become neuter genders. They are no longer men and women, but mere things. If masculines — men they can hardly be called — their emasculation has been well-nigh completed by a long-continued violation of nature’s sexual institutes in some form. Such pay little more regard to females than if chips. They are prompted to none of those courteous attentions which man- liness always feels and manifests . 15 And provoke none in return. They regard wife with a like indifference. May like her for her house- keeping, literary, or other talents, her piety, ingenuity, economy, etc., but not as a wife. They go out and come in without one love-smile or expression, because, to all practical intents and purposes, eunuchs at heart, though perhaps its animal phase still lingers. Impotent, yet craving. They are to true manhood what leather is to skin. They work, talk, seem like men, but are anything else instead. Their heart's core of manhood, and with it most of its trunk, has rotted out. The old hollow shell still stands, making a respectable outside ap- pearance, perhaps showing here and there a half dead-and-alive twig, or partly green leaf, but that is all. Poor emasculated entities — dried- up sticks. Ought-to-be-but-aint-husbands. Most heartily to be pit- ied, for they erred ignorantly, and suffer innocently. Not exactly ignorantly or innocently either. Nature taught them better, but they THE LETHARGIC OR DEADENED STATE OF LOVE. 189 ignored her instincts. As a preacher once said of a drunken rioter, “There goes one of my converts ;' 57 so Truth says to that public squeamishness we have just rebuked, “There go your victims . 77 In- telligent, respectable, honest, indeed ; perhaps all the sharper because so deficient here, and live good, every-day lives, but are automatic, me- chanical, spiritless have-beens . “ But what of their more pitiable wives ? 77 Perhaps “ they are tit for tat ? 77 Like husband like wife. Yet doubtless his induced hers. And there are many such, if not in degree, at least in kind. These, mock-modesty, are thy victims ! But for your interdiction of this kind of knowledge, they would have been saved from this dead-and- alive, between-hawk-and-buzzard-state. But a brighter day is dawn- ing. Society is about ready for an advanced step. Quite, if she but knew it. And it will come apace when it once sets in. And this book will hasten its advent. So will all who extend its circulation. As we have already seen that both love and its inflamed and retroverted action are self-perpetuating , 42 46 so likewise is this its comatose state. And by virtue of this law of things, that inertia is suicidal. Inaction is the greatest self-destructionist there is or can be. As starvation is far more destructive to the tone of the stomach than even over-eating ; as Nature hates small patterns, and can always do far better with surpluses than deficiencies — with over- work than iner- tia ; too much of anything than too little — as, to swing and bandage up even a vigorous arm soon dwarfs and enfeebles it ; as the greatest evil of the sick bed is its want of exercise ; whereas, the best of all cures is the action of the ailing part, for this compels that circulation which carries off diseased, and replaces healthy materials and condi- tions : as the dormant state of conscience, taste, music, memory, rea- son, worship, of each and all the mental faculties is more stupefying than anything else whatever ; in short, “ as action, action , action 77 is Nature’s first great paramount law — that alone for which all she creates is created, and to which alone all is adapted, and both a vacu- um and inaction are her greatest abhorrence — so of love. Rest, that is, alternation in action, is indeed one of her primal laws and cures. And undoubtedly this comatose state was ordained in view of it. And a long rest, because of its chronic over-exertion and permanent ex- haustion. But as even a long rest requires to alternate with action and food merely to render this rest efficacious, so to tolerate this dor- mancy for months and years is to reincrease it. Nothing is equally fatal. To this applies that divine saying : “ To him that hath shall be given , and he shall have more abundantly ; but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that he hath , 77 and along with it one of the 190 PAIRING! A NATURAL INSTITUTE. wise sayings of the wisest of men : “ The destruction of 'the poor is their poverty . 75 As he who, half sick, by giving up becomes sicker and weaker, whereas, if he kept doing, that fact would have done more to restore him than all else ; so, giving over to this inane cur- rent, induces additional inanity. Indeed, does not Phrenology always and everywhere recommend the exercise of memory, reason, music, mechanism, worship — any and every phrenological faculty one would cultivate, as the one greatest of all means of self-improvement in gen- eral, and the discipline of each individual faculty in particular? Is not action the great law of all development ? Then, does not this established law apply equally to love? If not, why not? It does. And with redoubled force. But really, both this law of action as invigorating, and of inaction as re-deadening all organs and func- tions, is both so obvious and universal, and, withal, so perfectly appli- cable to this comatose state of the love element, that we need only add — which we do with marked emphasis — that it is only right or normal action which thus builds up, while perverted action always and necessarily breaks down. Less, perhaps, than inertia, yet is in- herently self-destructive for all. And as the normal phase of love consists in union of spirit , in love as contradistinguished from lust, so those dilapidated patients who would restore their love element by its normal action, must by all means see scrupulously to it that they give it the menial phase, in predominance over the personal — men, that they cultivate love for that pure , refined, high, exalted, ethereal, and spiritual entity of virtuous woman ; and women, for the talents, noble- ness, and intellectual excellences of man, rather than love of beauty, or mere personal captivations. Imagine some beau-ideal masculine or feminine, and admire those who approximate thereto. But we shall revert to this principle in our next advance step, as we virtually built on it our doctrine of the imperiousness of love , 37 and obligation to marry . 39 40 And all these aggravated evils and sufferings of perverted, averted, and comatose love are but the legitimate consequences of breaking that one-love law to which this section is devoted. Reader, please here re-glance over this section, and re-survey both its principles and in- ferences, and the bearings of each on all, and all on each. In sum- ming it up, we put these two home questions : Is promiscuosity Na- ture’s love ordinance ? Not a single fact or principle in the natural history of man or of love confirms it. Then is one love ? Every law and fact in the natural history of both, answer yes. The phrenological organ and faculty of pairing j its facilitating the production of the greatest number and highest BROKEN HEARTS; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM. 191 order of offspring * as well as its absolute necessity to their rearing ; its securing to the race homes, families, society, etc. ; its self-perpet- uating nature, and constitutional abhorrence of promiscuosity ; th8 equal number of males and females ; the gradual merging of the race from promiscuosity to exclusiveness, as well as its conformity with the feelings and practices of the best men and women of the race ; the purity of dual love, and the sensuality of promiscuous; and, above all, the blessed rewards of matrimony, in contrast with those terrible penalties of plurality; in short, every fact and principle in man and his sexual constitution, like all the radii of a great sphere pointing to its focus, all center in one and but one love — that is, in each one of each sex loving but one of the opposite, and remaining faithful therein as the normal practical manifestation of this human element. It remains that we next inquire whether, to what extent, and by what means, these dreadful consequences of perverted love can be obviated. That part of our answer which relates to the married will be found expounded in “ Part Third, 57 or “ Married Life, 55 and another part in u Courtship. 55 Meanwhile, a few observations on that tem- porary mending of broken hearts which shall dispose and prepare them to marry, is in place here. 48. BROKEN HEARTS ; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM. Highly figurative this term “broken-hearted, 55 so generally applied to those suffering from disappointed love. And peculiarly expressive of the effect produced. Indeed, often more literal than poetic. A Mrs. Ayers, on separating a pair of turtle-doves, remarkable for this conjugality, as one was taken out of the room, the other flew wildly around its cage, uttered a scream, and fell down dead. On being opened, its heart was literally burst ! 8 As when the curculio worm probes the pit. the plum shrivels preparatory to falling ; so how many young women — and those most who are most lovely and loving — are hurried to premature graves by the gnawings of disappointed affection ! Reader, how long since you, or some of your neighbors, followed to an untimely grave a beautiful, accomplished, sentimental, excellent girl, who died nominally of consumption, or some other chronic dis- ease, but really of a “ broken heart ? 55 She loved more devotedly than wisely, was neglected, pined in secret, and began to fade. At first slowly, but surely. Her cheeks, now ashy pale, now burning with the hectic flush. Eyes sunken and bedimmed. Lips livid and parch- ed. The doctor called, but useless. To-day “ moldering back to dust 5 ’ in her dismal grave ! “ Died of a broken heart ! 55 should be her epi- 192 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. taph ! While he who killed her as literally as if he had administered poison, is frolicking away with others of the fair. Outrageous ! But for you , she would, to-day, have been blithe and gay, or the happy wife and mother of a happy family. What business had you with her love — what has any man with any woman’s — unless you intend to make her your wife ? But, oh ! how many such ! One in almost every grave- yard, nearly every year ! And how many more who barely survive, but blighted throughout — spoiled for life ! Young men, is it for you to make young women thus miserable ? Could you cause them more suffering even by thrusting their hand into the fire, and then its stump still farther in ? Are not mental agonies worse than physical ? And what as agonizing as blighted love ? Then see to it that you break no female hearts. c; But I can not help it. They are so tender-hearted that I can not even look at or be decently polite to them without their getting in love.” I know that woman is indeed most affectionate. Made so, 0 man ! for your especial benefit. Boarding-school exotics doubly so. But is this any reason why you should call out their love only to blast it ? Is it not instead the strongest why you should not ? Should you not the rather ne doubly qareful not to allow any to love you unless actually or prospectively your wife ? But, woman, you have your preventive. If a young man visits you, press him to a declaration of his intentions, by saying in word or act — and sometimes actions speak loudest — 11 When you make any specific proposals to me, it will give me pleasure to discuss them with you; but till then I must beg to be excused.” This will bring him to terms, or clear the coast. Nor has any young man any business to pay any especial attentions to any one young woman. As long as he is as polite and gallant to all as any, no matter how polite. But what right has he to single out one as the object of his especial and marked attention, unless he thereby means what he says in action : u I prefer you of all others as my prospective wife.” But more of this in courtship. What we mean to say here, is, that neither party should either break hearts, or allow their own to be broken. Nor. should either give or take occasion for a breach till they absolutely must. Cursed those who do either. There is no measuring the crime they perpetrate against themselves, their victims, their future children, and their God, by violating his u higher law” of love. But, instead of stopping now to hold a cor- oner’s inquest over the ways and means of breaking so many hearts, we come rather to ask, Can they be healed ? BROKEN HEARTS; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM. 193 In the name of all the sin and suffering consequent thereon, 36 45 46 47 can this deadly evil be stayed ? At least, can it not he greatly mit- igated ? a ls there no balm in Gilead? no physician there?” Has not Nature anticipated such cases, and provided their remedy? The restorative principle applies throughout all her broken laws. As, wherever the venomous serpent crawls, there grows a herb which, seasonably applied, neutralizes its venom 3 as all poisons have their antidotes ; as we know many diseases to have their panaceas — enough to warrant us in the inference that all have — as broken bones reunite, and limbs and wounds heal ; as, in short, the remedial principle apper- tains throughout universal nature- — appertains equally to the ail- ments of mind as well as body — the inference is obvious and conclusive, that this recuperative principle applies likewise to depraved and deadened love and its consequences quite as effectually as to other sins and punishments. It does thus apply. No heart can be so badly broken but that it can be healed. And “ made as good as new.” Better, even, than if it had not been broken. For there is a provision in Nature by which the very breaches of her laws can be made to prevent additional in- fraction, and their consequences. Indeed, this is but the legitimate effect of all Nature’s punishments. They say, practically, u Sin no more , lest a worse thing come upon thee.” The very nature of all pain is to warn us against its cause, and therefore recurrence. As sickness, rightly managed, cleanses the system of morbid matter, and leaves it all the more healthy; as bitterness tasted is more likely to be avoided than merely seen and described ; as sin, repented of (by strengthening his hate of bad and love of good), leaves the repentant on higher moral ground than if he had not sinned; as burning his fingers a little keeps the child from burning them a great deal; as honey is extracted even from bitter flowers ; as all dismal swamps have their banks, and dark clouds their silvery edges ; as the broken branch shoots out new fruit-bearing substitutes, etc., throughout all nature ; so disappointed love can be so managed as actually to benefit its vic- tims. Not that we should ” do evil that good may come,” but that, having incidentally done the evil, we should cast about to both stave off its consequences, and turn it to practical account. Come, then, ye who have thus suffered, and receive your panacea. And the more you have suffered, the greater will be your cure. So raise that drooping head ! Lift that downcast eye ! Look aloft ! Gather heart again! Your star of promise appears! Your dark, lowering sky brightens ! Day dawns ! cc Arise, take up thy bed, and walk,” certain of complete restoration. 194 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. And it is withaJ easy. You are not required to go a pilgrimage to Mecca, nor make some great sacrifice, nor even spend a dollar; but, like all Nature’s remedies, it is simple, accessible to all, at hand; not bitter, but most delicious; is food to the starving; a cooling beverage to those afaint and athirst ; marrow to the aching bones ; oil to the gaping wounds ; a resting-place to Noah’s weary dove ; and a balm to the jaded soul. C; In God’s name, then, what is it ? Divulge the secret now. I am dying to know and try it.” Then, first of all, and preparatory — 1. Banish all its painful reminiscences. Stop feeling bad, or hard. It is this very feeling which is killing you, and must be con- quered. Employ intellect partly to overrule, partly to banish it. u Impossible ! As well tell me to stop suffering if my eye were torn out. By night and day, while walking, talking, musing, even sleeping, my dreadful anguish haunts me, and hangs like a mill-stone around my neck.” But, please remember, this organ is inflamed. This faculty is in a high fever. And it is this febrile action which is working all this havoc with the love element. 45 46 47 This state is exactly analogous to that of half-grown children’s Inhabitiveness, often, the first time they go from home. Though they have every creature comfort, kind friends, and every means of being happy, yet they are half crazy, half wild with excitement. They can not work, or eat, or even sleep — anything, for they are not themselves. All they can say and do is, u I want to go home. 1 want to go home and see mother.” iC 0h, if I could only go home again !” That is, the Inhabitiveness of the one, and the Con- jugality of the other, are both in a high fever. It is not that home is so necessary to the one, or the loved one to the other, but only that each thinks so. Both are equally beside themselves — half crazy, each on each specialty. And both require vigorously to throw themselves out of this half-deranged state into a calm, self-possessed, rational mood. This must be done partly by force of will. Who would be free, him - self must strike the blow.” For what was will given us, but to take and keep the helm, especially in cases like these? And its power, properly wieided, is supreme. Its very nature is to curb this passion, and spur up that. To raise one feeling, and rise above another. Its legitimate place is that of the hierarch — rather patriarch. It also both fortifies, and creates fortitude. Then summon it to your rescue. And with it reason — its twin brother, or, rather, privy councilor. What says your own sense ? Suppose it were talking with you, would it not say — BROKEN HEARTS; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM. 195 u Come, my precious one, why sit you there, day after day, in the du?nps : sniveling away over spilt milk ? Come, away with this love- sick feeling !” u Oh, dear ! my loss is so great ! My heart is dead broken ! It never can he healed ! I never want to, I never can, love another.” “But do sun, moon, and stars indeed rise and set in your repelling loved one? Are there not yet as c good fish in the sea as ever were caught ? ? And can you not -catch them, too ? Are there not other hearts on earth quite as loving and lovely, and every way as con- genial ? Besides, is this the Way either to retrieve your past loss, or provide for the future? Is it not both unwise and self-destructive, and every way calculated to render your case, present and prospective, still more hopeless? What single good do these painful reminis- cences do you ? What single evil do they not aggravate ? Come, stop this crying, and cheer up; else go throw yourself off into the dock, and ha,ve done with it. But if you are still worth anything to yourself or the world, banish all painful recollections touching this whole subject. If you can not think pleasantly on it, do not think at all ; for it is this painful state of mind which is doing you all this damage.” 46 46 47 This requisition is absolute and primary. Without it there is no use in trying to go farther. Not that it is either weak or ridiculous. It is rather creditable, as showing how very hearty your sexuality : 5 than which few human excellences are greater. Indeed, those who suffer most, do so become the best sexed. That is, they have the highest order of manliness and womanliness. Men of even commanding talents and great force and firmness actually break down under it. And it is also the highest order of females who suffer most. But is it any reason that you cry away your life, because you cry in good company ? Nor will any sensible or moral aspect of your case justify this suicidal moaning. Then away with it. Or, if you can not banish it wholly, banish it as far as you can , and try the harder to overcome it the more. 2. Observe the health laws. We are not here now to demon- strate, but only to assume and apply, the influence of different bodily conditions over the mind, and especially feelings. If Nature has any one law more fundamental than any other, it is her law of organism — that no one of all her complicated functions ever is, ever can be, car- ried on except in and by means of specific organs ; and that the reci- procity is perfect between the states of all organs and their functions. Hence, all dyspeptics are always gloomy, splenetic, irritable, etc., be- cause their whole organism is inflamed. Hence, too, drunkards are passional, because also inflamed. So are sick children, and for the 196 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. same reason. Indeed, this violent state of love has inflamed your nerves, and thus reincreased its violence : whereas a light, simple diet, daily ablution, regular habits, and, above all, sound sleep, by quieting this false physical excitement, will do much to assuage your mental grief, and thereby stave off its destructive consequences. And there is vastly more in this advice than we can now take time to show . 61 3. Divert yourself. As headache is caused by excessive cerebral and deficient pedal action, and relievable by diverting action from in- side to out 3 as extra intense action in one part often diminishes that of other parts ; as restoring equilibrium relieves congestion ; so pro- moting the action of the other mental and physical functions naturally relieves this “ congestion of the heart” Think on other subjects, as a means of preventing your thinking perpetually on this matter. This emotion must be offset by some other. You have, or ought to have, other passions and appetites sufficiently strong for several to form a powerful diversion. Then urge them up. Of course, only with their legitimate food. Why not, as much as feed your body ? Love en- grosses but a smaller part of your brain. Then why not make the action of those draw off excessive action from this ? Especially find something to do. And, if possible, out of doors. u Idle hands are the deviUs workshop .' 1 Rack off your mind by something. And that pleasurable. All the better if it adds bodily exercise to mental diversion. Choose any kind of effort which inter- ests you. But choose something. It matters little what, so that you become diverted. And surely a man can set himself at work both pleasurably and profitably, at farming, at gold-digging, literature, politics, religion, philanthropic reforms, self-improvement — surely something ) for a world of work of all kinds awaits doing. Choose what you will, but both choose, and then work with might and main , throwing your whole soul into your efforts. Come, up and at it, like a true man ! Especially love and study Nature. She is full of wonders to be investigated, and beauties to be admired. Nor will anything equally either soothe, or divert, or heal, or cheer a spirit wounded by what- ever cause. One revised u Natural Religion 11 fully presents this principle, and its rationale. It shows that this love and study of Na- ture as a remedial agent — merely as a medicine to both body and mind — is the most efficacious there is It even cures bodily ailments, much more mental and affectional. It is just the very one to cure broken hearts. Try it. Study and admire her power and greatness, as dis- played in the starry heavens and geological records, in her minutest wonder-workings 3 in her insects, bees, birds, animals, and, above all, BROKEN HEARTS; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM. 197 human productions; and let your heart go out and up in devout love and worship of the Divine Author of all these parental arrangements for the happiness of all his creatures, yourself included, and you will soon substitute a happy, and therefore salient , state of mind for your present miserable and therefore suicidal one. But of all the teachers of Nature, the study of Phrenology is in- comparably the very best, in both its deep philosophies, and the prac- tical life-lessons it inculcates. Then study it most. But all this is not yet quite enough. Indeed, is mainly but pre- paratory to the one great cure. There yet remains one absolute speci- fic. One certain and universal restorative. And per se exactly adapted to its delightful work. It is short but potential. 4. Love again. It is as if the body were starving. Many things may palliate, but its “ one thing needful,” is more food r Your love ele- ment is starving, because denied its natural aliment. Nor will any- thing but its re-supply secure the purpose. This will. But we pre- sented this point so fully in 37, 38, 39, and 40, or, “Love Imperious,” u Marriage Obligatory,” “ Old Bachelors,” etc., that we need here only apply the principles there demonstrated to this particular case. It being imperiously obligatory on all to provide love with its legiti- mate object, 39 how much more so those suffering under disappoint- ment ? If all are solemnly obligated to furnish themselves with food, much more those who, just beginning to eat, find their table suddenly overturned, must cast about for another meal. As one whose thirst has brought on a raging fever doubly needs water, which will quench it, and as sun quenches fire : so the fires of a second love will assuage the ragings of the first. But this brings up the very point of difficulty — daintiness, lothness to love again. 46 47 Disappointment steels. It creates this feeling, “ You don’t catch this old bird twice with chaff.” “ Got my eye-teeth cut by this time.” Yes, but have you got them cut out ? Yet, having already en- forced this point, we only repeat, school, if needs be even compel , yourself to love again. You must first bring yourself to look upon the other sex as neither to be hated, nor shunned, nor even neglect- ed ; but the rather to be praised, prized, loved, and coveted. You must not shut your mouth against all food because of one bitter mor- sel, but try another. As soon as possible, choose your future conjugal partner. But till then, and in order thereto, re-peruse and practice the advice already given to old bachelors and maids. 40 You have induced that very state, and must shake it off. Spruce up, and go into promiscuous society. Play with girls. Play the agreeable with 198 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. ladies, appreciating whatever in the sex you can find lovely, and over- looking their faults. u But what shall disappointed woman do ? J? Anything she pleases, but something . To be pitied, indeed, those rich do-nothing girls, who have been disappointed in love, because, surfeited in all their facul- ties, they have nothing to do but to pore over their forlorn condition ; while those wTio are obliged to keep doing in order to live, suffer less. Those who are rich can interest themselves in dress, and the forced gayeties of fashionable folly. Better certainly that than noth- ing. And yet how much better something more substantial ? Woman requires to be a helper somewhere. And of some masculine. If she takes an interest in politics, literature, religion, or the sick, or poor, let her read or write for the papers * or co-operate with her minister ; or turn nurse, especially in the families of relatives; or teach; or cir- culate benevolent subscriptions; or turn missionary in some form ; or engage in one or another Ci labor of love. ?? But at all events, keep doings and apply to herself those remarks just made touching the study of nature. She may, should, and, if true to human nature, will admire flower, insect, bird, animal, beauty everywhere. Much more mascu- line excellences. She should interest herself in some fine boy. In his studies, apparel, morals, and try to improve him as if her son — pat his cheek, and inspire him to goodness and manliness. For this is beneficial, and even a necessity, to both . 12 39 I remember an unmarried lady, who had all the ripeness of fully- developed womanhood, along with that mellow twilight sadness which accompanies interrupted love. Her affianced had died, yet she con- tinued to love him. But, instead of allowing her love to take on that averted or deadened phase just described , 46 47 it had thrown a peculiar luster and beauty over her manners and entire character. She had all the refined familiarity of the fully-developed woman, without any undue boldness on the one hand, or prudery on the other, and was both attractive to and attracted by gentlemen, as well as eminently gifted in conversation with them, of which she was very fond, and made all children, especially boys, love her dearly. Her disappoint- ment had rather improved than deteriorated, and rendered her most admirable throughout. Frequently, indeed generally, disappointed love, after withering for a time in this averted or deadened state, revives, and begins again to admire, instead of hating, the other sex. This is the Indian Summer of love. By all means improve it. Waste not a day, an hour. Pre- pare at once, and effectually, for its re-enlistment. By all manner of means second Nature, and rebuild your dilapidated sexuality by BROKEN HEARTS; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM. 199 cultivating a general appreciation of the excellences, especially mental and moral, of the opposite sex. Affiliate with those much older or younger than yourself. Pursue this middle ground - neither steel the .heart against the opposite sex, or allow it to take on the craving or perverted phase already described . 45 46 But, above all things, when your love does fasten a second time, allow nothing to re-disturb it. Expect, but do not allow little matters to wound your affections : but overlook them by remembering that the fault doubtless lies more in your disappointed state of the love element, than in what you dislike. Try to conquer your prejudices. Make up little difficulties at once, and vow to each other not to allow any- thing whatever to even begin to produce alienation * and also to ad- mire and love what you can find lovable. Spend much time in his or her society, and be assiduous in your attentions. Follow all the advice given in Part Third respecting cementing the affections • and be sure to keep yourself in a lovely as well a loving mood . 35 And remember, this is your last chance. Its second breach will prove fatal, irreparable. Suppose a tender vine had started in the spring, budded, put forth leaves and blossoms, but been ruthlessly torn up. If left long in the wind and weather, it perishes forever. But if re- planted at once, and well nurtured and watered, its rootlets may strike immediately, and leaves and fruit keep on growing. But their third rupture is fatal. So the affections will bear transplanting, if done well and soon, but not a second time. So make the most of this second love season ; 39 and take every possible precaution against its second rupture. And continue to cherish it until completely re-estab- lished. But your own great panacea — loving again — is an impracticability. Where love falls, it falls flat. Cupid is called 1 the blind god, ; be- cause love is a blind impulse. Its love-sick victims, seemingly bereft of their senses, are swept on by frenzied tide they have no power to stem . 77 That love does thus lead reason captive and run mad , 77 disdaining all control, is admitted: yet it need not, should not. Is notwill a primitive element of mind ? And is it not legitimate governor of the feelings ? What other specific office was it created to subserve ? Is it not a first ordinance of mind that intellect, judgment, shall guide will, and will control feeling ? They are to man what Congress and President are to the republic — intellect dictating, and will execut- ing that dictation. All the feelings should be schooled into obedience to will, and will to reason. Else they will run tandem to their de- struction. 200 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. Then can they not rule love as well as anger, fear, worship, appe- tite, or any other sentiment ? As all can and should refrain from eat- ing or drinking what they know to be hurtful, however strong their cravings, so the intellectual perception that this one is adapted to ren- der happy, and that one miserable, should induce love to accept the former but reject the latter, even though disinclined thereto. Not that reason and will can make sweet bitter, or those agreeable who are repulsive, but that, as we do, should, must love our own selves and happiness, will should turn love from an object calculated to render us miserable, and to one adapted to render us happy. Mere self-love — that strongest of human sentiments — can and should direct love upon the object best calculated to render us happy. But your illustration is most unfortunate. How often do inebri- ates keep on drinking, though they Jcnow they are thereby killing themselves and ruining their families ! How many eat too much, and what they know to be injurious, or continue to smoke or chew, though they would give the world to be able to resist this craving ! 2? Yet such are practically beside themselves, and by no means true types of genuine humanity. Nor are those who allow love to overrule sense. It is a first law of mind, that all the faculties should work in concert, with reason at the head of all * while allowing any to act contrary to any, and especially any feeling to overrule judgment, both brea.k this law, and thereby incurs its penalty. Admitted that those in disappointment generally do sigh and pine as if their loss were utterly irreparable — as if even their forlorn hope had fled — as if their very life depended on their loving this particular one, and as if they really can not love any other, yet as, if required to select for themselves an apple from a loaded tree, they should after- ward find it to be sour, bitter, rotten, and poisonous, but that another was far better for them, they ought wisely to give up the former for the latter ; so the intellectual, conscious that love has fastened upon an unattainable object, or one calculated to render unhappy, will enable all true human minds to change their love from a poor object to a good one. And how foolish to refuse all because that particular one can not be had ! And love so often eventuates unhappily, because indulged in this wild, poetic fancy, instead of being schooled and dis- ciplined to conform to the dictates of reason. Besides, those in love are therefore infatuated. They magnify the excellences of their beau-ideals, and overlook their faults. True, they possess these excellences in part, yet others possess them like- wise. They forget that there are other hearts just as warm, just as devoted as those they love. Doubtless even much more so. Suppose BROKEN HEARTS; AND HOW TO HEAL THEM 201 circumstances had directed them to another, they "would then have prized the love of that quite as much as now of this, and felt that they could not live without that quite as much as now without this, yet wholly ignore this for that. Love depends far less on the party loved than on the loving one . 45 You will also do well to seek the sympathy and advice of some in- timate friend. All the better if older. And better yet if of the opposite sex . 12 You are partially beside yourself, while they would look at this whole matter from an intellectual stand-point. “ But this disappointment occurs oftener after marriage than before. And is much more crushing. What shall such do? 5 ’ We are not yet prepared to answer. Meanwhile, let those answer who can. Till then, let each judge and act for him or herself in ac- cordance with those general principles which govern this love ele- ment, some of which we have already presented, and we shall probably present more hereafter. And where the principles which underlie this subject can not be especially applied to all individual cases, at least they will suggest other remedial appliances which can. To avert these dire effects of abnormal love, then, should be the very first object of its victims. They can ill afford to live on and die off in this its dilapidated state. They could better afford to en- dure an inflamed eye or paralyzed limb ; but the pleasures and ad- vantages of normal love are too precious a life-behest to be dispensed with. Better forego almost any other. Its perversion is so very self- destructive, and its dormancy indeed so great a life-loss, that its restitution, as far as possible, should be a paramount life-object . 36 37 And nearly all do suffer this loss more or less, and incur its penal- ties. Abnormal or dormant love is a great public calamity, a literal epidemic. Humanity, and especially woman, experiences a greater barrenness of its legitimate effects than of any other function, physical or mental. And it needs right direction and nurture most. In this great problem, patrician and plebeian, savan and ignoramus, saint and sin- ner, male and female, young and old, one and all, are almost as deeply interested practically as in Fulton’s or Morse’s enterprise, or the suc- cess of the Revolution. Indeed, its intrinsic practical importance must soon render it one of the problems of the age. In fact, ‘•broken hearts” constitute the largest branch of that great “social evil” already discussed . 45 Nor can it longer be bluffed off, as we puff out a candle. The cries of too many perishing b.v agonizing inches are deafening the public ear to permit it to be stifled. Nearly all are more or less its victims. Reader, have you not suffered thus ? This prob- lem must be solved — adjudicated on first principles. Phrenology solves 202 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. it. Should we not expect that a science which so perfectly analyzes an evil, would also reveal its antidote ? And in this same thorough, because scientific manner? It does thus prescribe. That prescription we have just embodied . 48 For thirty years we have been investi- gating and poring over this painful topic, more than all others. And been driven to the conclusions just announced. At first we rejected them. But they forced themselves back upon us by both reason and facts, from so many stand-points as to compel us to admit them. If they do not correctly interpret nature, please show wherein. Or let those who reject this panacea for broken hearts prescribe a better. How few but need some cure ! Then, is not this per se the natural one? What if the Grundys do oppose it * are they the highest types of a true human life ? What if it is new • have not innovations achieved so much for our age and generation that fogyism ought to be at a dis- count ? Surely we should be the last to reject, and first to accept new doctrines. How long since steam, railroads, telegraphs w^ere innova- tions ? At least let objectors themselves “heal the people , 75 or else let us. Do not all objections to it cluster about its not bein g customary? Besides, goes it not right home to your own heart’s consciousness ? Suppose all societary objections either withdrawn or else reversed in its favor , would not your own soul clutch at it, as a longing child seizes that aliment for which it pines ? What is it but applying to the love ele- ment those same principles of cultivation and improvement conceded to apply to all the other faculties ? At all events, here it is. Accept or reject, each for your own selves. As California gold was , long be- fore it was discovered, so this cure is, whether adopted or discarded. And is to be the great “ healer of the nations.” Many a starving soul awaits its promulgation. And it is destined soon to work as com- plete a revolution in the social department of human life, as steam has just wrought in the mechanical. That as marked a revolution is both possible and needed, is perfectly obvious. That it must come some time and somehow, is rendered evident by the entire economies of the race. That these doctrines are adapted to effect them, all who practice them will become exultant living witnesses. It will soon work as complete a revolution in this department of humanity as steam has done in the mechanical. Having thus fairly prevised a right love by pointing out the evils of a wrong, its cure in and by the proper development of the affections comes next in order. This involves both the selection of an appro- priate object, and a true conjugal life ; to which we shall next address ourselves, after disposing of two side applications of our present sub- ject, namely, second marriages, and mourning. SECOND MARRIAGES : SELDOM NECESSARY. This one-love doctrine, indeed the subject-matter of this whole sec- tion, its four last phases particularly , 45 46 47 48 naturally call up second marriage, which they seem to counteract. This subject is too im- portant not to be thoroughly canvassed, and on its first principles, in a work like this. Then what says Phrenology respecting them ? 49 . second marriages: seldom necessary. Strictly speaking, there exists, in the primitive economies of nature, few occasions for more than one marriage. When parties marry at similar ages , 39 and live together affectionately, though one is naturally much longer lived and stronger constitutioned than the other, the stronger will, by a law of love, naturally impart surplus vitality to the weaker, so that both will live on till their common life-fund will be exhausted about simultaneously, and both be prepared to die nearly together. Indeed often, when two have lived happily together many years, the death of either is but the immediate precursor of that of the other. The survivor lives on a few months, only to drop off seemingly without apparent cause. Such cases are of frequent occurrence. Still, both parties may love devotedly, and yet the survivor live on for years. Yet these cases generally occur when the deceased dies suddenly , or of some violent sickness, wrong doctoring or nursing, away from home, or where little opportunity is allowed for this trans- fer of vitality. u But cholera, yellow fever, etc., leave many a widow and wid- ower who must either marry again, or else live a life more lonely than if they had never married. Who deserves more pity, whose hearts break more hopelessly, than those who have lost a loved con- jugal mate ? 77 Though such bereavements are very common, they are by no means necessary. None need ever die of cholera. This disease prevails 'mainly in lime-water districts, while those who use good rain water, both for cooking and drinking, never have it. We say good rain water, in contradistinction from that kept in tanks above ground, and allowed to putrefy, become alive with aqueous inhabitants, or tainted by the stench and putrid dust of hot Southern cities: meaning good, wholesome rain water, received and preserved cool in deep : under- ground cisterns. All the better if run, before using, through John Kedzie’s Rochester filterers. No member of any family who uses such water will ever have cholera, or even bowel difficulties of any kind, unless they live in some narrow and most filthy street. Fair sanitary regulations, along with hygienic applications, will keep off cholera and yellow fever, and water treatment, seasonably applied, 204 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. cure both. We repeat it meaningly, cases of violent death ought to be rare, and bereavements few. And what is more, every husband is under the most sacred obliga- tion to his wife and family to so far preserve his health by a full ob- servance of the health laws, so as not to become sick. If he alone were concerned, he might expose himself to disease with less respon- sibility. But no duty of a husband or father is more sacred than the preservation of his health. To subject an affectionate wife to all the agonies of lacerated affection ) to break her heart by mourning his loss, and then obliging her to transfer it to another, and likewise run all this risk, besides leaving his children orphans, wanting a fathers educational and advisatory influence , 41 even though provided with dollars enough for their comfortable maintenance, is just the greatest wrong he can inflict upon them. He is solemnly bound to live on till his children are grown up. And those who have constitutional stamina enough to become parents, have enough to last them, with proper care, until their children are fully able to take care of them- selves, and till their companion is too far advanced to desire to marry again. This is an ordinance of Nature. And is not a loved wife under quite as great obligations to make her health and life paramount? To protect them first , and at any and all sacrifices? What becomes of her family when she is sick? She not only can not do for them, but obliges them to do for her instead. Merely in order to serve them : she requires to make her health fore- most. And shall not husbands preserve their wives’ health as well as their own ? What are business claims in comparative importance ? And yet how many, immersed in business, see their wives’ health sink under constant over-exertions, vexatious cares, or one or another cause, till past recovery ! They now call doctor after doctor, and make any and every pecuniary sacrifice, after it is too late* whereas a tithe of the same effort, wisely applied in season, would have saved the balance of their money, and her health besides. And what that he has, or can get or do, but can well be afforded in order to save a good wife’s life, or restore a sick one? And is not a good wife equally interested in her husband’s health ? To see him toil on early and late in protracted business struggles, while she draws from his strained purse all she well can, with which to make a fine display of dress, parties, style, etc., is both short- sighted and cruel — a wrong to herself and children as well as him, and may yet cost both his life. The fact is, that each member of every family ought to constitute SECOND MARRIAGES ARE DESIRABLE.. 205 a vigilance committee to watch over each and all the other members* health, as well as his or her own. None can allow themselves or any other member to fall sick without doing palpable injustice to all. What right has any member of any family, by violating the health laws, to impose on the other members of that family all the anxieties, sleeplessness, and additional labors required to nurse him or her all through a fit of self-induced sickness ? Disease is consequent only on the violation of the health laws, and is a luxury (?) those only have any right to who can pay liberally for all the trouble they cause. And are not parents under equal moral obligations to preserve their children’s health ? And guilty if they are sick ? But of this in Yol. III. Still, as society now is, as public disasters abound, and malignant disease and premature death in many forms leave many a forlorn widower, widow, and children, the practical question is whether, as a general thing. 50. SECOND MARRIAGES ARE DESIRABLE. That they can be so formed and conducted as to promote the happi- ness of all parties, is undoubted. That their former conjugal experi- ence, whether happy or unhappy, rather fits than unfits for another, is established by the adage, “ To live is to learn.” All subsequent loves, by acting as salvos to bereavement, can be made to embrace subsequent objects with even more clinging fondness than the first, because, as just shown in cases of “ broken hearts,” it renders them happy . 48 “ Yet this contravenes that one-love law already urged so forcibly.” But first-love marriages are rare. R,arer still those marred by no alienations. Where first-love and marriage have been perfect , second ones are less desirable ) yet, even here, this same experience, just applied to second loves, equally recommend second, and even third, marriages, as Nature’s antidote for bereavement— a principle beauti- fully enforced by the following instructive anecdote. Returning from a lecture on marriage, with a second husband, he said : “ Should it not have discussed second marriages? A matter thus practically interesting and important to so many, should not have been ignored.” “Then what says your experience? It may furnish something worth saying hereafter.” “ It is this. For seventeen long years myself and wife lived on these prairies, far from neighbors and market, where our isolation and mutual struggles but endeared us the more to each other, till, just as the railroad train dashed past our door, and the depot, located on our 206 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. land, had rendered ns rich, my wife died of cholera in a day ! The suddenness of the blow completely paralyzed me. I wandered, listless and inane, through wood and field, till, six months afterward, my mother, seeing how sadly my loss affected me, said : u : George, this will never do. You must not give up thus to grief. Come, rally, and marry again . 7 u c Oh, mother, I can never think of that ! It would he sacrilege to my Eliza. Besides, if a second wife should not prove fully equal to my first — which I could hardly expect, for such wives are rare — I should only be perpetually making invidious comparisons, to the detriment of all parties, and the additional blighting of my own love . 7 “ ■ But, my son, “ there are yet as good fish in the sea as ever were caught . 77 Your having had one good wife no way precludes, rather facilitates, your obtaining another. Try again. Courage, my son . 7 “ * Oh, but, mother, I can never think of placing my dear children under a step-mother. It would be positively cruel . 7 “ c Yet, son, they are now under hirelings. A step-mother could not be worse. And you could see them much better provided for, if married, and with them, than now, not married, and away ; for they would then be under your more immediate supervision. And there are women calculated to make good step-mothers. Miss S, is one. She would be much better as a wife for you, and mother for your children, than any hired girl could be. And having this, that, and the other prerequisite for a good wife and step-mother, you could keep your family together, and get along much better every way by mar- rying her than remaining single . 7 “I saw the force of her reasoning, changed front, paid my addresses to this woman 77 (she was then sitting on his lap, with her elbow rest- ing on his shoulder, and her hand twirling his locks), “she accepted, takes just as good care of my children as their own mother ever did, and they are as happy in her, and know no difference, and, for aught I see, I am just as happy in this wife as that. It is as if a bright fire had long been burning on the family hearth, but gone out, and its live coals buried under its own ashes, while another had been built above, and was burning brightly, yet neither interfering with, but rather helping, the other. It is infinite happiness to me that I can heal my wmunded heart by sympathizing with, and receiving sympathy from, a second wife, who was my first wife’s intimate friend, and recom- mended by her as her successor. As for her, she herself can say whether she, too, is happy in us . 77 She here impressed a conjugal kiss upon his willing cheek, wiiile he added, “ My second marriage SECOND MARRIAGES ARE DESIRABLE. 207 has obviously contributed immeasurably to the happiness of all parties, my own especially.’ 7 Another anecdote will both state and enforce another weighty con- sideration in favor of second marriages. A Quakeress, of the highest respectability and phrenological endowments, had married a second husband far inferior to herself in every respect, and, as a natural consequence, open discord had broken out between them. She con- sulted me. I said : u A woman of your sagacity marry a man so much your inferior ! You were too old and sagacious not to have known better. 77 “ But, sir, you at least will appreciate my motive. It was this. From my youth I had looked forward to children, or at least one child of my own to love and be loved by, to nurse me in my dotage, close my eyes in death, bury me, and weep over my grave, as one of the dearest hopes and most cherished heart-yearning of my life. I had borne six children by my first husband, but seen them all die, one after another, along with their father, of consumption. I could not bear the thought of a childless old age. 38 40 I knew from the first that my present husband was not adapted to me ) but as his proffer held out the hope of an additional child or two to comfort my declining years, 1 accepted, fearing that I might not have another seasonable one. But our disparity has both frustrated my hopes, and borne me down with trouble. Still, was not my motive justifiable? 77 Reader, answer for yourself. I could not condemn. Could but approve™ And recommend the principle here involved to universal adoption: meanwhile cautioning its more judicious application. Yet there are cases — and they are numerous — in which second marriages are not desirable. The following anecdote will illustrate them. Mrs. G said : * u Mr. and Mrs. F , will you take a ride with me along the banks of our beautiful Grand River to-morrow morning ? My horse and carriage were willed me by my deceased husband, and I am my own postillion. 77 We went. Fairly out of town, she turned around, and looking us full in the face, said earnestly — Friends, I invited you to take this ride as much on my own ac- count as yours. I want your advice on a matter of, to me, the utmost importance, and feel that you are qualified to give it. My hand is besought in marriage by a man I have known from childhood. And only favorably. He even made love to me before I knew my hus- band. and says he has never married because he still hoped to marry me. Having property himself, he does not need to marry me for my 208 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. money. And promises me the most devoted affection. And even begs me to marry him if only out of pity .** I shook my head, and interruptingly remarked, u Never marry out of pity, for this will soon place you too in need of sympathy. I never knew one who married out of pity to he happy. This alone must necessarily render both miserable.’* She continued — c< True, all seems right, and friends join in persuading me” u But, madam,** I added, u let this infallible test-question decide the matter. Do you feel willing to admit another to that sacred place in your affections which your deceased husband occupied?** Fori knew their affection was mutual and perfect, and a first love on both sides. u Can you enthrone this in the same place just vacated by that, and receive him right home to the core of your heart ?** u Ah, sir, you have probed the very point from which my innermost soul recoils. I still feel that my husband is ever present with me, as much as when alive ; that I commune with him daily; that he is my guardian angel ; and that I enjoy the sweet consciousness of his per- petual love and union, and that a second marriage, however prom- ising, would be a sacrilege from which I instinctively revolt . 43 I shudder at the thought. Besides, I feel perfectly contented as I now am, and involuntarily dwell on the pleasant reminiscences of past love, rather than pine over our separation. This may seem strange, hut is literally true.** u It is natural to a perfect love in its highest state . 48 It always might and should take on this pleasant phase. By no means consent to a second marriage. Your premonitions are right. To violate them would spoil your life. By all manner of means remain single.** “ I will. Your advice accords perfectly with my own interior con- sciousness, as w T ell as better judgment.** u If you felt like putting on fine feathers, turning gay again, at- tracting the attention of gentlemen and being attracted, J setting your cap,* and courting, I should earnestly advise you to love and marry again. But if not, not. And this advice is based in this principle, that whenever our system requires any special aliment, it will crave it. Hence, since you positively loathe a second marriage, decline his proffer. Do it as gently and handsomely as you can. Wound his feelings as little as possible. Say no so sweetly, gently, and seem- ingly reluctantly, as by leaving him your friend, to sav« yourself, while you do him the least possible damage.** Other circumstances may justify a like declination, but in ninety- nine cases in every hundred, especially where their ages hold out parental prospects, second marriages are as desirable as all the varie- SECOND MARRIAGES ARE DESIRABLE. 209 gated happiness they can be made to yield to all concerned. Even elderly people may marry. Nor should mere feeling, nor minor ad- verse circumstances, only abundant reason, dictate a decline. Espe- cially if a first has not been absolutely perfect, a second is all the more essential and auspicious . 36 38 If a second love can only be ini- tiated — and it usually can be. unless reversed, or else perfectly satis- fied 43 45 — by all means reunite. Even when the feelings rebel at first, they can and should be schooled to look at it fairly, and on the favor- able side, because the unfavorable is naturally uppermost. Nor are Second marriages, for convenience 7 sake, by any means neces- sarily objectionable. Even where the first has been complete, subse- quent ones may be advisable. Thus, a widower has a family of children, who, besides all he can do for them, need., must have, that care and training which only a woman can bestow, and which he is solemnly bound to provide. A step-mother is by far its best form. An aunt, a stranger, even, would be better than none, but his wife would naturally do best. Then is not he justified in marrying again mainly to provide them with this female nurture, and she in accepting so good an opportunity to promote his, her, and their happiness ? Besides, all women need both husband and children to love and care for ; 38 40 and many need to marry in order to furnish the best proper sphere for the exercise of their affections * thus supplying her with children to love, and children with female care. And why not a widower, advancing in years, by marrying a woman younger than he is, provide himself prospectively with that care he is sure to need , and compensating her by a home, creature comforts, posi- tion, property, etc. ? What objection to this mode of promoting the happiness of all parties ? They can regulate their intimacies to suit themselves and circumstances. They must not allow discord, of which love is the great antidote. Or they can base their relations in friendship, and the amenities due between the sexes , 14 without infring- ing the least upon a former love, however sacred. First marriages should be based in love alone. Second ones are permissible on other grounds, and can usually be made conducive to the happiness of all parties. Yet they absolutely must observe the following common-sense rules: First. On no account whatever draw comparisons, always odious; for favorable ones disparage the dead — unfavorable, the living. About as well tell them to their faces that you wish they were dead, as how much better the former loved one was : for it is the worst possible kind of personal reflection — much worse than ordinary conjugal blames . 21 Secondly. Former loves may be cherished internally, like live coals buried, but must not come to the surface. If dissatisfied, 210 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. make the best of what is, but never aggravate it by reproach, or else abandon all hope of conjugal happiness. Instead, assiduously cherish love by little attentions. How long should they wait? Only just as long as they them- selves please. In what law is the custom of waiting a year based ? Of course to transfer the affections takes time • but, as already shown, the sooner it is effected, the less damage is inflicted by grief, and the better all around. Step-parents and children, and the amalgamation of different families, usually occasions the greatest evils incident to second mar- riages. Of course, as parents naturally do and ought to love and care for their own children most, a step-mother will instinctively side with and pet her own children in preference to step-children. And ought to, both because hers, younger, and more needy. Yet this obvious duty often creates hardness. Her task is indeed trying. She deserves thanks for even undertaking it. Much more if she does her best. Doubly, if she does well. It requires a superb woman to become a good step-mother. And such deserve all praise. But are not step -children, after all, oftenest in fault ? Whereas all ought to lighten her burden by enlisting them in her behalf, yet how frequently do they re-increase it by prejudicing them against her, till they actually come to regard her as an intruder to be opposed, rather than a mother to be helped and loved ? They forget that it is her or none , or perhaps worse ■ and instead of being thankful for what she actually does, they blame her for not doing more, besides misconstruing everything. Should they not, instead, regard what she does do, be it little or much, well or ill, more as a gratuity than duty ? For what requires her to do at all but her relations to their father ? Then, should they not praise and help, instead of blaming and hindering? Does she deserve the odium usually heaped upon step-mothers ? How many in like circumstances would do better? And their obvious interest is by complaisance, by kind offices, and good feeling, to coax out of her a thousand little favors they could never obtain if at enmity. Grat- itude for few and small favors is the best known means for obtaining more and greater ones. And outsiders should by all means always promote peace — not, as too often, stir up strife. Still, a good, kind, motherly woman can generally establish affectional and filial rela- tions, without which there is no living together, but with which step- parents and children can live about as happy as own. At least, a meek, motherly spirit will greatly lighten her task. Be it that she is how- ever right or they wrong, better suffer than resist. This same general advice is equally applicable to the step-father. MOURNING FOR THE DEAD AND ABSENT, 211 He, the dignified head of the family, its natural umpire and regu- lator. should be an arbitrator and peacemaker between all parties, yet slow to decide directly for or against either, but, instead, show their faults to the erring, and obviate them by appealing to their higher faculties. By a firm, just, judicious, and affectionate course all around, he can generally assuage animosities, if not obviate them altogether. And this is unmistakably the true one for all parties, and will generally convert the evils of second marriages into benefits. And, what is most important, enable the family to live all together. Yet better scatter than quarrel. 51 . MOURNING FOR THE DEAD AND ABSENT. These self-destructive consequences of disturbed affection naturally call up that form of these evils consequent upon grief for the absent and the dead. All forms of retroverted affection do similar damage in proportion to their degree. Hence, mourning for the dead or absent inflicts on a mourner the same kind of evil which interrupted love inflicts on its victims. 36 47 And on this universal principle, that all painful action of all functions is consequent solely on their wrong action, which always and necessarily injures the suffering organ. As pain in the eyes necessarily impairs both present and future vision, in the stomach, digestion, nerves, sentient power, etc., so all painful action of each and all the social faculties breaks them down . and there- by forestalls their future power of function. Hence all painful action of all our functions should most scrupulously be avoided, both because self-destructive, and also consisting in the abnormal or sinful action of the pained organs. Of course all painful action of Adhesiveness, Amativeness, Parental Love, and Conjugality should be prevented, not encouraged. But mourning consists in this very painful action, and is therefore both wrong per se ) and likewise self-destructive to the suffering faculties, and thereby to the entire system, inflicting upon it those self-same evils which interrupted love inflicts upon conjugality. Since, then, by their fruits ye shall know them, 57 and since the fruits of mourning i: are evil, and only evil 57 to the living, while they do no manner of good to the dead, are they not inherently wrong, because so unmistakably injurious ? And therefore to be banished, not encour- aged ? Why do not precisely the same principles govern here, just shown to govern in cases of ” broken hearts, 77 namely, banishing all painful reminiscences, and seeking diversion ? If not, why not ? 1. And what is this grief but practical rebellion against an ordi- nance of Nature, and what many consider u a dispensation of Divine Providence? 77 If providential, it is of course both best, and God 7 s 212 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. sovereign will, and therefore to be rejoiced in, not mourned over. Weeping over God^s doing is the very worst form of practical rebel- lion thereat, while acquiescence therein naturally causes rejoicings. You, then, who believe death to be providential, as obedient children, are the very last to mourn over what your u heavenly Father’ 5 has seen fit to do for you. Really, this grief is indeed filial love and obe- dience u with a vengeance 2. By impairing the health, grief inflicts irreparable injury. We will not now descant on the value of health. Suffice it that it is the summing up and focal center, because the sole instrumentality, of all valuation. So that, whatever injures it, saps the very life itself and all its powers and enjoyments at their very heart, and is by any and all means, and in any and all events, to be absolutely avoided. Now grieving is most fatal to health, because it injures the nervous system. All its kinds, whether for loss of property, honor, friends, children, lovers, happiness * indeed everything, does this. And by virtue of its own inherent physiological effects. It also redoubles this evil by inducing cold — that great, direct usher of most diseases. Consumption, however hereditary, lies dormant till superinduced by an obstinate cold, and can be kept at bay just as long as colds can be avoided or subdued immediately. All fevers, and nearly all diseases, eventuate from cold — a fact assumed here, but proved elsewhere. Now grief necessarily induces cold, by naturally withdrawing circu- lation from surface to center, and deranging all the physical func- tions, besides diminishing the system’s power of resistance. Note when and where you will, bad news, violent passions, sudden dis- appointment in love, all painful mental paroxysms, are followed by severe colds, and often protracted and dangerous sickness, and some- times death. How frequently are mourners taken down sick imme- diately on returning from a funeral, especially when they give way to violent grief, and often die — the death of one thereby causing that of several intimates ! Strange that a fact so common should not have been observed and traced to its cause — grief. Hence, those in grief should be extra careful of their health. Self-preservation is a first human duty as well as instinct — none as imperious — which grief vio- lates by inviting disease and hastening death, and is therefore suicidal and unqualifiedly wicked. 3. Grief for the dead wrongs the living. Who but has parents, children, brothers, sisters, relations, friends, or business or other rela- tions to their fellow-men, to whom their life is a blessing, and their sickness or death would be an injury they have no right to inflict? All are inter-related to others by human and mutual obligations they MOURNING FOR THE DEAD AND ABSENT. 213 have no business to ignore or sunder — the same in kind, though less in degree, with those existing between different members of the same family. 60 Hence injuring ourselves, whether by grief or any other means, inflicts palpable injury on others. Then why should the liv- ing injure themselves and shorten their own lives because the dead have shortened theirs ? Why should a widow debilitate and frustrate all her powers by grief, at the very time when she most needs all her strength and self-possession to care for herself and children, and save her property from those harpies who now^ vulture-like, hover around the estate to grasp all they can ? Does not this grief unnerve and enfeeble her ? Yet do not herself, children, estate, and increased cares require every item of strength she can command ? A bereaved mother, too, has husband, children, relatives, and friends whose creature comforts and moral culture depend much on her life, and whom her debility or death would injure in feelings, morals, health, and ways innumerable ? Hence, whatever promotes her health and life is to them a literal god-send; but what injures them, does them the greatest possible wrong. And this is measurably true of rel- atives and friends. Now, by all the value of her health and life to her family and friends — and neither dollars nor words can begin to measure it — is her grief over her child 7 s death a curse to them, and wicked in her. What business has she to interrupt their happiness by indulging her own grief? Or it may be that even her own hold on life is but feeble, and needs strengthening instead of weakening. Too nearly dead already, she requires to become more attached to life, not weaned therefrom. Is it not as virtual suicide — that worst of crimes against God and man — to voluntarily hasten death by grief as by poison ? The crime consists in the fact of hastening death, not the mode. And it is her sacred, solemn duty to avoid it by either c God and Nature punish mourning, and thereby pronounce it wrong. And let those whom these views shock, show wherein they are erroneous. 4. u Yet, too apt to forget our latter end, shall we not, in the death of loved ones, learn lessons of our own mortality, and seek therein to prepare ourselves also for another and a better world? 77 But would hastening our death by poison fit us for heaven ? Then will hastening it by grief? Is not fulfilling our earthly duties, our best preparation for heaven? Are this world and the next antipodes? Is not that but the continuation, not an antithesis, of this ? Did not the same God ordain both ? And does He not govern both by the same set of laws and requisitions? Must we indeed break the laws of this life, in order to fit ourselves for the life to come? Instead, 214 PAIRING A NATURL INST1TUE. does not fulfilling the laws of this, necessarily promote the interests of that? And also, improving this, thereby also improve that? There- fore, grief, by injuring us for this life, unfits , instead of fits, us for that. What reasoning can be clearer ? The very best preparation for a future life is to live a perfect present one, physiological included, in order that we may u be gathered in like a shock of corn fully ripe;” whereas, whatever plucks us prematurely from the tree of this life, as grief does, thereby ushers us, immatured and unprepared, into another. 5. u But we can no more help grieving, than smarting from the touch of fire.” Then help it as much as you can. Assuage, not aggravate, grief. Besides, know you not that ill health, especially nervousness, rein- creases grief? And that grief, by redoubling nervousness, reaugments and protracts itself ? Do you not grieve most when most unwell, and least when you feel best ? Of this your own consciousness is a per- petual witness. Then, pray, what is grief, after all, but a diseased or inflamed , instead of normal, function ? And to be assuaged in part by hygienic means ? This point has come up twice before, 48 but can not recur too often, for it is fundamentally important. 6. This reproves the usual custom of remaining at home a full year after the death of a near friend. It is unqualifiedly wrong. Besides depriving the body of that exercise so imperatively necessary always, and doubly in bereavement, it begets a dead, dumb, monoto- nous state, even more fatal to health than grief itself. It compels the mind to pore perpetually over its loss by allowing nothing else to en- gross attention. It protracts and intensifies a mother's grief for a lost child, by keeping its clothes, toys, and thereby sayings and doings per- petually before her mind, thereby redoubling the crushing effects of her grief : whereas diversion is what she requires 48 — to forget, not remember — to banish , not revive, those painful reminiscences. Better pack up or give away whatever renews her grief, and go abroad all the more , not less. Break away from spot and scene associated whth its memory ; take a journey — anything to rack off the mind. Reading, conversation, amusements — whatever will divert, will help save, and anything to save herself 7. Funerals are wrongly conducted. Their management is directly calculated to ruin the constitutions of the living, without doing the least good to the living or dead. They generally increase grief, whereas they should try to assuage it. They condole too much. For nothing crushes a sinking spirit as much as pity. They should fortify , not soften, and dwell more on the biography and characteristics of the dead, than the horrors of death itself. Reason, the best good MOURNING FOR THE DEAD AND ABSENT. 215 of survivors, everything, requires that they brace, not melt • that they should extract lessons of health to the living, by pointing out the causes of this premature death, rather than make it the great bug- bear with which to frighten the living toward heaven. Does fear of death either fit for this life or prepare for the next? Is it not consti- tutionally injurious to both mind and body? 8. Besides, making death a hideous monster both arraigns the wis- dom and goodness of God, and belies facts. Not only is it no curse, but, next to life itself, one of God’s greatest ' blessings. Nor does it ever transpire until the physical organism is so far diseased, muti- lated, or w r orn out, that continued life would only cause more suffer- ing than happiness. So that, come w r hen it may, in darling infancy, promising youth, mature manhood, or decrepit old age, it comes always, and in the very nature of things, as a blessing. Suppose no death, what untold agonies should we induce during the lapse of ages, by breaking Nature’s laws, from which death now kindly delivers us ! Though we ought to regret those violations of the physical laws w r hich hasten it prematurely, and learn therein how to avoid shorten- ing our own life, yet w r e should rejoice in the death itself. In case •some terrible accident had shockingly mutilated a companion, child, or friend, and especially ourselves— dashed out brains, broken limbs, torn out eyes, heart, lungs, etc. — should we not rejoice that death comes to relieve this protracted agony, and pronounce death, as next to life, one of Nature’s greatest blessings, instead of curses? Nowa^ premature death is consequent only on a like organic impairment, pre- cisely the same in kind, and differing only in degree. Then let the dead be buried, and remembered pleasurably, or else forgotten. Nil morlui nisi bonum — speak only good of the dead. David pursued a sensible course on the death of his darling child. As long as life and hope lingered, he did all in his power to save it. But, once dead, instead of bursting forth in an agony of grief, he arose, washed, laid aside his sackcloth and ashes, ordered and partook of food, and said, practically, My darling is dead, but can not be recalled. Then w^hy weep ? Let its death' be among bygones, and let me prepare to go to it ; but meanwhile dry up my tears, and again give myself to the cares of the state.” 9. It remains to add, that when life has its perfect work, it merges gradually into death, but only after all the organs are fairly worn out. Neither violent death, nor one transpiring anywhere clear along up to old age, forms any primal part of Nature’s economies. All such are consequent only on the infringement of health laws, which it is our sacred duty to avert, by living right physiological lives. Natural 216 PAIRING A NATURAL INSTITUTE. death is always welcome to subject and relatives. Then, indeed, can we bury our aged parents without one tear of sorrow. Feeling that they have lived out the full measure of their days, finished their work, and died in peace, as the lamp goes out for the want of sustenance, we can bury them, and think of them in memory of their good deeds and virtues, conscious that, with renewed lives and reincreased pow- ers and virtues, they await our coming, when we also shall have fully lived out the natural measure of our own days. Such lives let us live, that such deaths we also may die. 10. Mourning apparel is all wrong throughout. First, because if it reincreases our sorrow it is injurious; if not. unnecessary. Sec- ondly, because expensive, and often a heavy tax on the poor they can not really afford, besides greatly increasing the bustle and confu- sion incident to funerals. Thirdly, by proclaiming our loss and awakening sadness in others, it does them also harm. Then let it be abolished. Yet dressing graves with flowers is an appropriate offer- ing to their memories. 11. The sick room should never be entered in a sad, solemn, eon- dolent, pitying mood, because this presupposes that some dire calamity impends them, which both awakens their fears for the worst, and weakens that will- power ti resist disease and death which, after all, is their great restorative. 17 Instead, manifest a lively spirit by a cheerful, encouraging aspect, which is calculated to buoy up their drooping spirits and quicken their circulation. Talk and laugh, in- stead of sigh. And, if possible, make them also laugh; for nothing equals mirth as a panacea for all diseases. And now, intelligent reader, in closing off u Part One, 77 or, ” Love, its Nature, Effects, and Supreme Power Over Human Life and Des- tiny, and its Right and Wrong Action,* 7 we putfthis home question — Have we made that thorough , scientific work promised in our Preface ? Have we not in very deed gone to the very rootlets of this whole mat- ter, and based every position in Nature 1 s immutable laws ? What one error have we propagated ? What one cardinal truth omitted ? Have we not given a reason for every single thing said ? And is not every sentence calculated to make its practitioners belter and happier in their affectional relations ? Then look forward with additional hope to Part II. Since com- pleteness of love is infinitely important, a right object becomes equally so, because essential thereto. Though one may love a poor object well, yet a good one how much better ! Indeed, by all the variegated importance of a perfect love, is the importance of a right selection. To this subject, therefore, we next address ourselves. PART II. -SELECTION SECTION V. THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS ; OR, RELATIVE AND ABSO- LUTE RIGHTS OF PARENTS, CHILDREN, AND RELATIVES, IN THEIR OWN, AND EACH OTHERS’, MATRIMONIAL CHOICE. 52 . IMPORTANCE OF A RIGHT SELECTION. You and I, oh, human being, while passing through life, have been, will be, required to make many and important selections be- tween right ways and wrong ones, good ways and bad ones — paths which lead to and from happiness and misery, honor and shame, virtue and vice, and their consequences. Yet of all the decisions we can ever be called upon to make, from our cradles to our graves, that respecting conjugal companionship is the very most practically import- ant, because the most eventful for prosperity or adversity, weal or woe, virtue or vice, in this world and the next. By all the diversified consequences already shown to appertain to a right and a wrong state of love, by the very heart’s core of life itself, and all its inter- ests, is it important that we choose wisely — select just the very best possible object of that love. Right absolutely, or as regards general character, right relatively, or as regards special adaptation to our own selves. In choosing acquaintances, even, one must needs be judicious, because their influence, though silent, is perpetual, and, in the aggregate, eventful. More so in the choice of business partners. More yet of intimate friends, as well as doctrines, and general course of life, for each and all tell on our entire future. All consequences are so great, so far reaching, that to measure them is impossible. But what eventualities at all compare with those consequent on our conjugal selection ? Are the consequences of other decisions perpetual, and do not these reach down even to the very minutest 220 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. capillary affairs of life? Do other acts affect our pecuniary interests, and does not this the most of all? Do you, young man, intend, by industry and frugality, to lay the foundation for future comfort and luxury ? What will help or hinder your becoming rich equally with your wife ? She extravagant, your utmost efforts and sacrifices will avail little . 19 By hook or crook, by persuasion or intimidation, she will worm dollars out of you as fast as you can obtain them — will even, by stealing the very nest-egg, forestall all future operations. Or if, in sheer self-defense, you abso- lutely interdict her extravagance by allowing just so much, but no more, you thereby only increase your difficulty. Her indignant lady- ship takes perpetual revenge by thwarting you at every turn and corner of all the little affairs of life. In one way or another she will throw out with the spoon as fast you can throw in with the shovel. Indeed, unless you are already so rich that you can surfeit all her whims, regardless of thousands, your struggles will prove well-nigh abortive. Be your income what it may, your efforts however heroic and continuous, and plans however well laid and executed, if she works against your pecuniary interests, you may about as well give up first as last ; whereas, if she works for them— saves while and what you make, spends every dime to the very best advantage, and as few dollars as possible, and helps you both plan and execute — your success is well-nigh certain, unless thwarted by some marked weakness in one or both. And her influence to encourage, and discourage, is indeed wonderful . 16 19 23 25 Is honor your goal, she is almost as important in this life-race, as yourself. If her comportment sheds honor on you, and builds you up in the estimation of others, you will be honored beyond your deserts. But if she continually says and does those trifling things which give rise to petty jokes or scandal at your expense, you row against wind and tide. Of this Sylvester Graham furnished a noted example. The world knows, for he told it everywhere, that he and his wife quarreled. But for that he would now have been honored, instead of neglected. He had two faults — vanity and pugnacity, which conjugal contention aggravated, and thereby turned even his friends against him; but which conjugal affection would have softened down, and thus allowed his talents to shine uneclipsed. How much a man is honored abroad, depends mainly on whether he is honored at home. While the core remains sound, the tree rarely ever rots. But when its heart decays, the soundness of the rest is of little account. It matters the world to a man whether his wife is continually building him up in his own estimation by praise, or IMPORTANCE OF A RIGHT SELECTION. 221 breaking him down and causing self-distrust by constant disparage- ment — yet her affectionate judicious criticism is even more self-im- proving than her praise. Fortuitous circumstances may indeed give a man accidental position, even though clogged with a poor wife, yet it will prove temporary. Hence if honor is your life-goal, select one who will be your true help-meet in its acquisition and perpetuity. Is goodness or moral elevation your great life-motive ; though you are a saint, yet if you marry one who is perpetually souring your temper, embittering your feelings, upbraiding and wounding your conscientious scruples, or enticing, almost compelling you to do WTong, it will require angel-goodness to even keep you good, much more to become so. Not that it is impossible, but so very difficult, that you had better avoid the trial. But if a good, patient, conscien- tious wife is perpetually enticing you from evil to good — is to-day inspiring in you this virtue, to-morrow obviating that fault, why, a very Satan could almost become a virtual saint. Or aspire you to intellectual attainment, in any art, science, or dis- covery, a help-meet wife is even a necessity . 40 If she reads while you listen or take notes — if, when some new idea flits dimly across your hazy mental horizon, like some distant island imbedded in the misty ocean, she applies her quick, clear optics — it at once assumes a bold, tangible reality. And her suggestions are invaluable by way of fill- ing up and illustrating your outline thoughts. If she criticises while you write, lops off here, and adds there, and inspires everywhere, how much better your joint productions, than your own merely ! But if she scolds while you eat, write, and sleep, or crosses you when going to or from study or business, you may indeed think, write, trade, or do what you please, but it will be almost in vain. Or is a comfortable home and a happy, quiet fireside, with loving children around you, your life’s summum bonum ; despair utterly, if she loves fashion, parties, or amusements more than domestic enjoyment, or if, cross-grained herself, she sours your own temper, and that of your children, both hereditary, and practically, and renders home a bedlam. Yet an amiable wife will make a hovel a paradise, and a comfortable domicil a heaven indeed ! Words utterly fail to depict the difference between different women in this particular. This one has so many little, charming, loving ways and qualities, but the other so many repellant and ugly ones. Even when both mean right and do their best, the difference is world-wide. That the highest attainable self-improvement is life’s paramount duty and glory is a first human consciousness, and that woman alone can evolve masculine excellences, and man feminine, underlies our whole 222 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. subject. Please duly weigh the depth, breadth, and scope of this prin- ciple. Then, oh, young man, just launching out upon the great sea of human life and destiny, anxious to make the most possible out of yourself, consider well under what female influence you place your- self. Unloving and unloved, you incur all the evils of old-bachelor- ism, even though married . 40 Most female influence outside of wedlock is objectionable. It should legitimately come mainly from a wife. Now, it matterg a world whether you place yourself under the molding influence of this woman, or of that, for one can make of you, and inspire you to make of yourself every way more a man than another. Some have a peculiar knack ’ 7 of rousing, inspiring, inspiriting, and bringing out whatever characteristics and capacities a man possesses. This is exemplified, though only in a lower degree, in conversation with different females. With this one you can talk on, on, on, as if ideas and feelings flowed spontaneously—as if she held over you an enchanting w r and to raise you above yourself, so that you won- der how you could converse thus brilliantly. Yet while conversing with another, you fall proportionately below yourself. Who but ex- periences this difference and its magnitude? Then apply it to all you do, say, and are through life, and you have a glimpse only of that silent but resistless force of the respective influence of different wives. Few realize even the fact, much less the extent, of this in- fluence. Yet fully to appreciate it, is impossible. Reader, you must have seen many a young man, under the general inspiring influence of the sex over him, that is, in view of a perspective marriage, rising gradually but steadily in public estimation, respected, prosperous, in- telligent, and worthy, by marrying an inferior wife, gradually sink in property, position, and character, till he becomes almost unobserv- ed — barely head enough remaining above w T ater to prevent actual drowning, till, at length, fortunately, she dies ) when, marrying a superior woman, she builds him up little by little, and gives him an air of respectability, so that he becomes prosperous in business, and elevated to office, and regains position and confidence — all conse- quent upon the silent but portentous influences these different wives exert over him. Attest ye who have had two or more wives. Yet even you do not, can not, fully imagine or appreciate this differ- ence. A law of mind obliges us to become like those with whom we associate. And doubly alike those with whom we affiliate. As u evil communications corrupt good manners,” and good communica- tions mend even bad ones, so many men, now respectable, are so mainly by virtue of the influence a good wife exerts over them — she elevating them above the temptations of deoraved animality. Cate- IMPORTANCE OF A RIGHT SELECTION. 223 chise your own soul, let your own conscience decide, how much of the good in your life is virtually due to the purifying influence of some good woman you do or have loved, and been beloved by, still wields over you, and whose sacred memory even now restrains you from evil, and persuades you to good. In short, in a thousand numberless ways, and to an extent ramified almost inimitably, does a wife make or break her husband, physically, pecuniarily, intellectu- ally, morally, in short, throughout the entire man. But, is the molding influence of wife over hasband thus potential, and is not that of husband over wife even more so ? If all this is true of man, how much more of woman ? Does not her marriage affect her more than his him? Has he high hopes and aspirations, and has not she higher? Are her visions of the future less ecstatic than his ? Are her air-castles less fairy ? Are they not generally more so? Can he not render her more happy, or else more miserable, in the family, than she him? For is she not far more susceptible to pleasure, and especially domestic, than he ? Do his life-hopes and success depend so much on her character, and do not hers still more on his ? If his pleasures are more diversified than hers, are not hers more concentrated in marriage than his? It is possible for him to pick up fragmentary happiness outside of marriage, for her only within it. Despite disappointment in love, he may render life pass- able, by enjoying this, that, the other pleasure, yet left open to him — - business, politics, the club-room, etc., etc., — -but, her marital cup filled with gall, what remains but for her to sip, and sip on her bitter draught the rest of her lonely, wretched life, and court grim death for relief! Is love so much to him, and is it not still more to her? Even her very all ? Is a good wife his greatest blessing, and is not a good husband her greater ? Is her extravagance so ruinous to him, and is not his more so to her ? But is her industry so great a boon to him, and is his not a greater to her ? Is her power so great over him to develop or becloud whatever natural excellences he may possess, and is not his over her as much greater, as she is more an angel of love, than he ? Love is the only key which locks or unlocks the treasures — and no earthly treasures are equally rich or abundant — of female character. No woman ever can be developed except by the man she loves, and who loves her. Nor is there any telling how deep, how rich, these feminine store-houses, now practically unde- veloped in consequence of the stifling of her love. Is a fault in her so obnoxious to him, and is not one in him far more so to her? Is her perfection so infinitely important to him, and is not his as much more so to her, as her love does and should exceed his ? In propor- 224 THE DECISION. AND ITS ARBITERS. tion as woman’s love is stronger than man’s, are her happiness and destinies more interwoven with her domestic affections than his, and her right and wrong marriage more eventful for her happiness or misery, than his. And irrevocable. Young woman, it is not any hus- band that yon require, as much as a good one. Though perhaps bet- ter a poor half-loaf than no bread, yet how much better a good whole one? And to select the very best out of all you can command is almost as important as your very life itself ! The fact is, wherever true conjugal oneness exists, the molding power of each over the other is illimitable. By all the power love has already been shown to wield over human life and destiny, Sec - n * is the building-up and breaking-down power of husband over wife, and wife over husband. As the blood ramifies itself throughout every artery and fiber of the entire system, to invigorate or disease, accord- ing as it is vigorous or diseased, so marriage enters into all the mi- nutest ramifications of life, improving or corrupting all the physical, all the mental functions, according as it is right or wrong. And yet, of all the faults giddy youth commits — and they are many and grave — none at all compare with those perpetrated in choosing husbands and wives. How often do young men, smart enough in business to peer far above their fellows, or gifted enough intellectually to shine in college, in pulpit, in editorial chair, in politics, at bar, on bench, make utterly foolish conjugal selections. Overlooking young women endowed with superb conjugal qualities, they select some poor thing because of some little fancy touches utterly insignificant in themselves, and unworthy of him or her, perhaps, even faults * when they might just as well obtain the very best ; while others, only com- mon-place in business, nor at all brilliant intellectually, yet know enough to select excellent conjugal partners? Then, is not the latter superior ? Often girls, too, proffered hands and hearts in overflowing abun- dance, fall blindly in love with the poorest, and ascertain their error only when it is past all remedy. They have fairly thrown themselves away! Awful! Worse! Have chained themselves to a putrefying carcass, rendering themselves inexpressibly miserable, whereas, they might just as well have been inexpressibly happy, for life ! Others select those well adapted to another, yet not at all to them- selves. Doctor Johnson, the physiologist, has said, “Put the names of men in one urn, and women in another, and drawing at random from each, pair them as you draw, and they will be quite as well adapted to each other as now.” Not to dissatify any with their choice, yet could you not have chosen better ? How little, if any IMPORTANCE OF A RIGHT SELECTION. 225 oneness exists between you ! How many points of unfitness now perfectly palpable, were then wholly overlooked ! Nor is it any trifle to be obliged everywhere, as every husband must, wherever his wife accompanies him, to proclaim, u This is the very best I could obtain — is my beau-ideal of all those within my reach.” And then to be ashamed of her, is indeed humiliating ! Wives, too, practically proclaim, whenever they appear with their husbands, u This was my choice out of all the men I was able to win.” Then how doubly mortifying to her, if he proves incompetent or de- praved, because this evinces either her want of sense to choose, or ability to obtain. But words utterly fail to describe the practical importance of a right selection — either how great, how diversified, how almost infinite the blessings consequent on a right selection, or the untold miseries on a wrong ! Only on the farthest verge of a long life of experience is it possible for either to measure the eventualities of this choice ! As only those who are perfectly healthy — their warm blood bounding throughout large hearts and arteries, carrying ecstasy to every organ and fiber of their bodies, and imparting a thrill of rapture to their every mental operation, can ever realize how much they enjoy at the hands of this health ; as those who suffer from perpetual weakness and aches, by becoming accustomed thereto, little realize how much they really do suffer; nor how much enjoyment their disease prevents, yet the real difference is quite as great as if correctly estimated ; as drinking, smoking, chewing, and other bad habits, render their victims insensible to their deadly effects, yet this very insensibility only rein- creasing the evil, yet this no way diminishes their power — so, verily, li marriage is indeed life’s casting die. No event from birth to death equally affects human weal or woe.” Be duly impressed, then, oh, young man, that the difference is heaven- wide and life-long between taking this partner or that, right home to your bosom, to love and live with, u for better or for worse.” If you love, this molding power is irresistible and perpetual ; if not , paralytic. Then trifle anywhere else if you will, but laugh not, trifle not, flirt not on the verge of consequences thus eventful. You can not afford it. For you have too much at stake. Be wise here, however foolish elsewhere. Not that these momentous eventualities should discourage or deter any from making this selection , 38 40 but that all should make it as serious as it is potential. Indeed, the boundless good consequent on a right selection should encourage, much more than the dire results of bad discourage; because all selections, guided by right principles, can, and will, eventuate happily. 226 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. 53. RIGHTS OF PARENTS, CHILDREN, AND RELATIVES RESPECTING THEIR OWN AND EACH OTHER’S SELECTIONS. That parents have rights and owe duties respecting the matrimonial selections of their children, and children parents, and relatives each other, is obvious. So deeply does this choice affect the happiness of each other — that of parents their children, and children their parents, and relatives each other — that all have rights and owe duties to each other touching their selection. And this gives all a mutual voice in that of all. By all the effect it has, can have, on me, whether my child marries this one or that, have I a parental voice thereon, and does this child owe me a duty to consult and consider my wishes. Is it either right or filial for a child to do what goes to the very core of a parent’s life-long happiness without conferring with that parent? In a perfect parental and filial state, children often require to, and should consult parents, even in minor matters. Then how much more in those as infinitely important as their marital selections ! Have truly filial children any moral right to impose on parents a really obnoxious son or daughter-in-law ? Or will they ? Let the highest human sentiments answer. Indeed, does not the mere custom of asking consent presuppose the right of refusal ? Is it not pre- sumptuous, actually impertinent, for a young man to court and marry a girl without saying to her parents, 11 may it please you?” But, again, have parents any rightful authority to impose upon children obnoxious life-partners, and compel them both to live, and to originate life, with those abhorred ? Yet have children any or no voiee in the second marriage of their parents? No choice as to step-mother or father? And have relatives any or no legitimate voice in each other’s marriage ? But, in case these several rights clash, whose shall rule ? And whose, under what circumstances ? Grave questions these. Worthy a judicious answer. Like that of a clear-headed judge, who, after scanning all points thoroughly, pro- nounces an impartial opinion, which shall bear scrutiny, and deserve universal adoption. And all good parents, and children, and true hearted relatives and friends will eagerly ask, What is my duty under- given circumstances? And then do it. Please, one and all, scan attentively both the conclusions here arrived at, and especially the basis in which they are grounded. A doting parental pair have given being to a very dear daughter, wept over her tender infancy, nursed in sickness, fed, clothed, ;ducated, baptized, prayed over, loved, and done for, as only fond EIGHTS OF PARENTS, CHILDREN, AND RELATIVES. 227 parents can love or do. She becomes old enough to marry. 39 Of course, they feel the utmost solicitude, such as only parents can ex- perience, in her future. Her destinies center in her husband. And theirs in hers. She has two lovers. One is suitable. Yet the other, by wily arts has, serpent-like, coiled himself around her very hearts-strings preparatory to draining out her life’s blood, and squan- dering that well-earned patrimony a life of parental toil and industry have treasured up to promote her happiness. Then have they no right to express their preference, and its reason ? They have. Then is she under no filial obligations to hear and heed? Is she not 1 The love they bear her, their life-toil for her, and prospective effects this one or that would have on their happiness, through her, confer this right on them, and impose that obligation on her. And she who turns a deaf ear to their counsels and blindly follows her own will, too often learns, when too late, the folly, even madness, of spurning parental counsel. How many direful results of such unfilial conduct stare beholders everywhere in the face ! Be it that your parents are even inferior, at least ask, and duly consider their advice. Much more if they love you, and are intelligent. These two things stand right out on the very face of this question — first, that they love you. Else, they are virtual strangers, in which case you are under no moral obligation to ask or follow their counsels ‘ whereas, the more they love you, and are interested in your welfare, should you seek and listen to their advice. For parental affection seeks only the good of its object. Secondly* they have had more experience than you, while you have yet to c: live and learn.” These two conditions give their ad- vice precedence. Judicious youth, remember that :: in a multitude of counsels there is safety.” Hence ask advice of comrades, more of elders, most of parents. All, even those most matured, need counsel on various sub- jects. Much more, those who are young. And doubly so in matters of marriage. The parties themselves often take one-sided views ; while judicious outsiders scrutinize all points impartially, inspecting it from stand-points the parties themselves have never taken. But parents most of all. And if children ever require parental counsel it is respecting their marriage. Each sex, also, needs the counsel of the opposite. Daughters re- quire a father’s advice, and sons, that of their mothers. 12 And when- ever a true parental and filial state exists, every daughter will hasten with her first love-letter to her father. So every son will ask his mother first what she thinks of this girl or that, as adapted to be- 228 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. come his wife, before making advances. And every true father will enter right heartily into his daughter’s love-affairs as if his own; living his own young love over again in hers. So of mothers as to sons. And parents will take counsel together respecting both sons and daughters, and all parties confer freely together, touching this whole matter, like jurymen discussing the evidence of a trial, each weigh- ing the conclusions of all in the scale of reason and right. And have brothers and sisters no rights touching each other’s conju- gal partners ? Affects it not the interest of each whom the other marries ? And will not every true sister consult brother, and brother ask sister’s opinion ? If they love each other as they should , 13 they can hardly help both asking and answering in perfect freedom and affectionate solicitude. In fact, every marriage should be a family affair, and discussed in full council. Every family should be bound together by ties of per- fect affection. Not a discordant note should be uttered by either to mar the harmony of all. Each should be friendly to all, and all to each. Each should experience affection for all, and all for each. Parents should love each other and their children, with all their hearts. And children their parents, and also each other, as well as each other’s companions. All should open wide the portals of their af- fections, and enlarge their fireside circles, so as to embrace the entire family relatives. Then since it is thus important that all should be friendly with all, therefore all have a voice in the matrimonial selec- tions of ail. And that child who marries contrary to parental wishes, thereby obliges them either to tolerate and make the best of it, or else to banish both child and consort from their hearts. God forbid that either writer or reader should ever be driven to either alternative ! God grant that all our family connections may be bound together in the bonds of the closest cordiality. Let none throw the apple of discord into the sacred family circle ! That even no iceberg may chili its warmth or quench its fires. But that, instead, each may promote, not prevent, these holiest of life’s relations. Yet none should be captious. Should slight causes be allowed to engender family alienations ? If either decidedly prefers one to whom others object, shall either, by being refractory, make bad worse? Shall a family quarrel ensue because some like, but others dislike, a particular match ? Instead, all should u live and let live.” The flexible policy is the best for each, and all. Contention reacts on all, and renders all miserable. Persistency in all cases injures all, but benefits none. Let all cultivate a satisfied rather than a fault-finding spirit. L: Least said soonest mended. PARENTS SHOULD PROMOTE CHILDREN’S MARRYING. 229 54. PARENTS SHOULD PROMOTE, NOT PREVENT, THEIR CHILDREN’S SELECTIONS. Why should not parents supply their children’s social faculties, as well as intellectual or moral ? Each is equally a human necessity , 37 and to be provided for in its natural time . 39 The duty of parents ‘as parents, to their children as children, ends only at their marriage, or at least full maturity . 41 Nor is any parental duty more imperious than to see their children settled in marriage. Did not Abraham pursue a true parental and every way commendable course in obtain- ing a wife for Isaac? That parents are solemnly bound to provide their children with creature comforts, and facilities for their intellec- tual and moral culture, is universally admitted. Yet should not they provide aliment for their children’s social faculties as much as for their intellectual, moral, or any other ? Why can, why should they not select masculine associates of a corresponding age for their daughters, and feminine for their sons ? Not that they should force disagreeable acquaintances upon them, nor restrict them to single associates, but that, by making parties, introducing them, enlarging the circle of their acquaintances, and other right means, they should throw them into the society of young gentlemen, and furnish them abundant opportunites for making a suitable conjugal selection. “But this will encourage undue familiarities.” Not at all. By presupposition both parties are innocent and virtuous, and associate together in the presence of elders . 13 But when parents do not or can not thus supply objects of love to their children, they should not at least prevent their supplying them- selves. How inhuman, how wicked even, to prevent their providing themselves with raiment, with intellectual or moral culture, with any other human necessity ! Then, how doubly reprehensible to threw obstacles in the way of their suitable marriage ! What greater injury or wrong could they do them ? Yet, how many per- petrate this wrong, especially on their daughters ! Though their mo- tives may be good, their actions are despicable. A loving but selfish father, having seen every child married except his youngest daughter, partly by command, partly by persuasion, in- duce her to forego all matrimonial proffers, in order to nurse him. She dismissed her lover for her father’s sake, who lived till she was forty, when, he dying, she married, but too late to have children to soothe her in her decline. And the older she grows, the more she blames him for thus robbing her of her greatest earthly blessing. May your children never remember you by the suffering you caused them. 230 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. A dutiful daughter of twenty, loved most devotedly and tenderly — her social lobe being very large — but her parents opposed her marriage, because only she remained to nurse them in sickness and old age. At length, from pure filial devotion, she dismissed her lover, thereby breaking both his heart, as well as her own. But she pined by day and wept by night, sinking by littles into a monotonous, woe- begone, forlorn, listless, inane state . 50 Her health gradually de- clined. A terrible fit of sickness supervened . 50 She now teaches some, nurses parents when they are sick, but is a mere automaton, a walking statue, and has the look and tone of inexpressible heart- broken sorrow. An indescribable melancholy broods over her face, and gives the natural language of unmitigated grief to all she does and says; awakening pity, almost anguish, in all scrutinizing be- holders. Dead sexually, she lives merely nominally, and wishes she were in her grave, desiring to live only that she may do some more good on earth. Noble martyr on the altar of filial love ! Cruel parents to exact suck a sacrifice ! They had no right to ask ! She was under no filial obligation to grant. Her rights and duties to herself exceed those due to her parents. She suffers terribly be- cause she has sinned grievously. They now see their error, and wish she were married. But it is too late. She dislikes men, and shuns their society. Her love has become reversed by disappointment . 48 She loathes the masculine, excepting that she loves to teach boys, but longs to die. What parent, by pursuing a like course, is willing to in- cur like consequences ? Another envious father dri ves off all young men who seek the ac- quaintance of either of his four daughters, alleging, doubtless truly, that he loves them too well to part with them. He never allows them to go abroad, night or day, without him. And as he, advanced, dislikes young society, they pine and gradually decline from pure in- anition, two having died of consumption, and the other sinking in a hopeless decline ; while even the youngest, a lovely girl of nineteen, is beginning to fall into their declining footsteps. All consequent upon home seclusion. Another father of a lovely girl of seventeen, a pattern sample of her sex, having first interdicted a genuine affection, watches her com pany, her correspondence, with so eagle an eye, that not a letter comes to her address but he must open, nor a young man see her at home or abroad, excepting one she dislikes, whom father and mother are determined she shall marry ; and none hut him ! If married., I pity him, her, them. Another highly intellectual, moral, and affectionate pair, on their PARENTS SHOULD PROMOTE CHILDREN’S MARRYING. 231 son of seventeen failing deeply in love with a country girl, good though not accomplished, set themselves at work to break oil theii affections. Though she was reputed lower in the social scale than he, yet she was virtuous, and full of true womanly sentiments, very lovely, and as devoted to him as he to her. There was no objection- able feature except in her social position. Though they admitted the match was a good one for him, yet they argued that he might do bet- ter. At length they succeeded in interrupting their love, and thereby effectually spoiled both. She married, but is miserable; while he, withering in mental anguish over their blighted love, fell into a morbid, misanthropic state; and though possessed of a superior moral tone and business capacities, as well as general talent, fell into some ruin- ous personal habits; is beginning to dissipate; loathes virtuous female society, and keeps company he should not ; neglects business, being in a dead-and-alive state, and sinking into a hopeless decline, resuscita- tion from which is almost impossible. His fond parents, obliged to behold these ruinous results of their well-meant but fatal interrup- tion of his love, now see that his only salvation consists in marriage, and requested me to make a suitable selection. I did. But, having become a regular woman-hater , 47 he absolutely refused to make any advances. There remains but this single chance for his salvation, namely, being courted and captivated by some lively but forward girl, who is not afraid to make love . 40 Glad he is not my son, but think he could be saved, even yet. Another parental pair, finding their daughter of only fourteen in- clining to love a neighboring lad of sixteen, brought her to me, and induced his parents also to bring him, and without my suspecting their mutual affection, asked concerning their mutual adaptation, and what traits should be cultivated or restrained in order to insure mutual assimilation. Her mother seemed especially solicitous to learn and do her whole duty in this respect, and also happy when told they were unmistakably adapted to each other. Now, was not this course both parental and politic? Should not parents facilitate and guide the loves of their children as much as their intellects ? Nor should they ever interfere for, or against. Match-making parents, however, interfere the other way , especial- ly with their daughters. They hurry them into company while yet mere girls, often hastening their womanhood that they may hasten their match-making, actually exposing them to severe temptation, if they can. by any means, secure proposals. Nor are they particular what company they keep, if only rich. They party them to satiety. They dress them to death. They accomplish them to kill. Anything, 232 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. everything^ to marry them off. fashionably , of course, before their sixteen beauty fades . 39 Let them rather consult their ultimate happi- ness, than earliest possible marriage. Yet other parents, again, by not providing daughters with congenial home associations, or else by obliging them to support themselves, vir- tually compel them to marry for a home. This is tantamount to compelling them to throw themselves away. Not a few, having no peace of their lives at home, blamed, restricted, unloved, interfered with, all their feelings reversed, and rendered miserable, accept their first offer, liable to be a poor one, and spoil their entire lives, just for want of a pleasant home for a short time. Fathers should see their daughters so far provided with creature comforts, that they shall have no cause to marry disadvantageously, either to avoid an uncongenial step-mother, or being twitted and taunted on account of their dependence, or for fear they may not have another offer. Human nature shrinks from a position of dependence. True pride of character, or self-respect, should on no account be humbled by being made to feel as if dependent, or a burden. But as society now is, girls have very few ways and means of self-support, except by teaching, or the needle, both of which are overstocked. Those girls are really to be pitied who are obliged either to support themselves, or else marry to avoid dependence. Still, often those supported cheerfully by father, brother, or uncle, fancy they are considered burdensome when they are not, and accept the first matrimonial offer, from mortified Approbativeness, because more independent than they should be. True, girls should do what they well can, by kindly offices and winning manners, to pay their way — and a self-reliant spirit in man or woman is praiseworthy. But since custom discour- ages woman from attempting her own support by “only a needle- woman,” and pays her so parsimoniously, when a support is proffered freely it should be cheerfully accepted, without any feeling of mor- tification. But under no circumstances should girls marry for a home or support merely. Such marriages always and necessarily eventuate most unfortunately, because perpetrated by wrong motives. Always and everywhere should marriage be contracted only by virtue of its own legitimate motives. We speak of first marriages. The true mode of procedure, then, is this. A young man, before paying his addresses to a young woman, should ask at the inner- most shrine of his being, “Will ‘this one or that make me the best wife?” and let the “ light within” first illumine this question. He should next consult his mother* then, whoever else he pleases. He should next make advances to the girl herself. By letter is undoubt- PARENTS SHOULD PROMOTE CHILDREN’S MARRYING. 233 edly the best form. Not at all in the light of a lover, but only that they may mutually canvass their respective marital qualifications and adaptations to each other. It next remains for her to consider and answer, not whether she will accept his love, or become his wife, but only whether she will receive him as a suitor. That is, whether she will enter into the discussion of their mutual fitness. Of course he should now consult his father and mother. If she accepts, their next step is to ask the consent of her parents. This fully opens up the whole subject to a frank, intellectual, affectionate discussion between all the parties in- terested — asking their leave, being tantamount to asking that of all concerned. But why should he ask ? First, on his own account. It is more to his interest than theirs, that the family into which he marries have an opportunity to express their opinions, u or ever after hold their peace. This is equally her true policy. If needs be, she would willingly forsake father and mother and cleave to husband ; yet how much better if she can cling to all three ! They may, indeed, agree to marry in spite of both parents and friends, yet is it their interest to thus array all the members of both families against them ? His happiness and success in life, perhaps in gaining her affections, will be seriously affected by their friendly co-operation, or warlike opposi- tion. If they can marry the one of their choice, and still retain the affections of their parents merely by saying, u may it please you. 77 had they not better at least ask ? Indeed, is it not impertinent, even downright impudent, for him to carry off her heart and hand, wholly regardless of parental wishes ? As they have made her worth his having, they surely should be thanked , not robbed ] consulted , not plundered ; asked , not driven. He may ask them either verbally, or by letter — the latter undoubt- edly the best — wording it somewhat in the following fashion, or any other he may prefer : New Yoke, September 1st, 1858. C D to Mr. and Mrs. A B . Respected Sir and Madam — I desire to pay suit to your daughter, with a view to our ultimate marriage, provided it should be deemed best by all concerned. Have I your permission? A full and frank expression of your feelings and opinions touching this whole subject in general, and myself in particular, will much oblige, Yours truly, C D . He may say more, or less, as he pleases, but should distinctly ask 234 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. permission, not to marry, but only to confer with her in reference to their marriage. If this course should seem objectionable, as exposing a sensitive youth to the unfavorable consequences of a negation, the answer is — That he can not court in any other way without its being known as soon and as extensively as by this, for there is no keeping this matter secret ; that the mere fact of secrecy bears an objectionable aspect, while frankness is always commendable; that judicious parents, so far from necessarily exposing him, would now throw them together, without awakening suspicion, whereas, if he goes expressly to see her, he would both publicly commit himself, and by discontinuing, give rise to scandal ; that this form of decline would render it less public and unfavorable to him, than being refused in the usual way ; that not the least taint or stigma attaches to him on account of their not find- ing themselves adapted to each other, nor at all implies that he is unworthy either of her, or another quite as good ; and that this straightforward course is best calculated to secure success. All the parties especially interested should now talk this whole matter all over, with this express understanding, that they are only advisers , not arbitrators ; only its consulting lawyers, not either jurors, judges, nor legislators ; that their prerogative is merely to guide , not to dictate ; to say what is best , but not what shall be ; that u Hitherto shalt thou come, but no farther;” that their place is acqui- escence, not dictation ; that for them to interdict is an ill-bred, med- dlesome interference with what is none of their business ; indeed, is downright impudence, of which no high-toned person will ever be guilty ; that as they would indignantly repel all outside interference in their own love-matters, so they should do as they would be done by, and be contented with making their own matches ; that they may in- troduce, recommend, and urge weighty reasons, yet even this only out of pure friendship, but stop there; that even parents themselves may not control, may only advise ; much less others. In accepting his addresses, her parents should frankly state their objections to him, if they have any, thus giving him an opportunity to rebut them, and also tell him as far as they deem best, her main characteristics, excellences, defects, their opinion of their fitness, and whatever else in their judgment bears on this matter. If this frank course should seem objectionable as unduly promul- gating personal and family secrets, the answer is this, and is emphatic : first, that these secrets must come to light some time ) and the earlier the better; that a decision as to their fitness requires this knowledge; and that the parties to whom they are confided should deem them SELF THE FINAL UMPIRE. 285 \ absolutely sacred, and on no account ever to be divulged to others. Yet, those who prefer to pursue a course more secretive and politic, are quite welcome to its eventualities, which are often most fatal. 55. SELF THE FINAL UMPIRE. As every state must have its chief justice, and every tribunal its final umpire, so selection must needs have its dernier resort. When all agree, “ all right . 77 But in case of difference, who shall give the determining vote ? Whose will shall be absolute ? The Matrimonial Candidates themselves. Others may advise, but it is their prerogative alone to rule. They should weigh well the opinions of others, especially those of parents — and good children will deliberate long before running directly counter to parental wishes — but if there is any one human right more inviolable than any other, it is that God-conferred right of choosing one^s own matrimonial part- ner. As all men are u endowed with certain inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness , 77 and as nothing affects this happiness for life equally with a conjugal partner , 52 of course this right is the most sacred of all rights. Have not all an undoubted right to select their own food? But is not their right to choose their own husband or wife quite as indubitable ? The happiness of others is affected much, but theirs infinitely most. Outside interfer- ence is a flagrant wrong, which no excuse can either justify or palli- ate ! Not even in parents, except where children are too young to marry. For when old enough to marry, they are old enough to decide to whom. Nor has even either party a right to decide for the other, but only each for his : her , own individual self alone. Personality is a natural institute. Many things can be done by proxy, but not choosing a hus- band or wife. As each must think, talk, move, sleep, eat, live, and die in propria pe^once, so each must make his, her, own conjugal selection. Those who are to live with, alone can say with whom. Moreover, this personal decision is a peremptory duty , as well as inalienable right. Marriage is active , not passive. No one has any business even to allow interference, any more than to interfere . 54 This personal selection is a solemn obligation which no one can either fore- go or shrink from, but each must meet fully, and in their own person. Nothing can excuse it. Allowing others to decide is morally wrong, and always punishes its guilty negligents. Show me any or all of those who have either allowed others to decide for, or over-persuade them, and I will show you those every individual of whom is miser- able in consequence. Must be, in the very nature of things. Indeed, 236 THE DECISION, AND ITS ARBITERS. the other party has no right even to over-persuade. And those who do, perpetrate an unmitigated wrong on the yielding party. And thosa who allow themselves to be persuaded against their own better judg- ment, will rue their pusillanimity the remainder of their lives. Then let no human being ever marry or refuse marriage against their own will. Instead, let each and all assume this responsibility, great as it confessedly is , 52 in person, and after taking due counsel, and fully weighing all arguments and conditions on both sides, finally decide it according to the best lights they themselves can bring to bear upon it, in and of their own individual personalities. Then wh&t first principles and facts shall guide their choice? WHAT OF THE CONSTITUTION AND HEALTH? 287 SECTION YI. GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. Fitness is one of nature’s paramount institutes. She adapts eaeto and all her productions to their specific requirements — -fowl to flight, horse to draft, and everything to its legitimate function. And this fitness is everything. How much, we will not stop here to say. But a thousand-fold is no comparison. Words can not ex- press how much more valuable for a given purpose anything adapted thereto is than not thus adapted. Particularly is this true of conjugal fitness. Indeed, such fitness is the main requisite in a husband or wife. One thus fitted is far more suitable than one who is not. The difference is heaven-wide. Indeed, this adaptation is the very first point to be considered, and that around which all centers. Then in what does this fitness consist ? Is it natural, or artificial, or both ? To this eventful inquiry, then, we now address ourselves. These qualifications are, first, general , because inherent in the very nature of the marriage relations themselves, constituting a necessary part and parcel of fitness for all marriages, high and low, refined and common, old and young; and, secondly, those especially adapting par- licular persons to each other. They might likewise be subdivided into natural and acquired, natural being far the most valuable. First, then, those general and indispensable. 56 . WHAT OF THE CONSTITUTION AND HEALTH? A good, original , organic stamina lies very near the base of all conjugal prerequisites, because the great determiner of character and capacity. It is called hereditary constitution in man, and cl blood” in stock. It vitalizes all functions, both mental and physical, and is to all what motive power is to machinery. Its influence over the entire character is paramount and absolute, both lying far below, and rising far above, all educational influence, and constitutes the grand make- up of the entire being. But we must refer to the last edition of the l: Self-Instructor” for both its analyses and diagnoses. It embraces physical tendency to longevity and disease, as well as 238 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. strength, stamina, and endurance, as well as all natural proclivities, intellectual, moral, and dispositional ; talents of course included. Thus some are constitutionally predisposed to consumption, rheumatism, etc., others to other hereditary infirmities, while others still are sound and hardy. Other families, again, are obstinate, or high tempered, or amiable, or just, or intellectual, or musical, etc. But as our next Sec- tion will present this subject from another stand-point, we dismiss it here, remarking merely that this condition will go far to control both the mentalities and physiologies of their children as well as them- selves. Being u dyed in the wool,” or in-born, they u will out” in their descendants. What of the parents, relatives, and ancestors, therefore, be- comes a primal question with those prospecting for a life-companion. Not that perfection should be expected, but that all these facts should be duly weighed. •Especially what of the mother. The more so in cases of sons who resemble their mothers, for u like mother like children.” If she scolds, and you marry her daughter, beware, unless she resembles her father, and he is a good, quiet, patient man. But how much better if she is the guardian-angel and the main-stay of the family, and a sweet, good woman, because she does most to control the temper and disposition of her children. Is she spry, blithe, and hardy, or tainted with, any hereditary maladies, remember that vital diseases descend more through mother than father. Still, she may be sickly now, though naturally healthy, and her children have good constitutions. Is she frank or secretive, self-sacrificing or selfish, humble or high- toned, just or partial, generous or close, intelligent or simple, meek or haughty, talkative, and what kind of talk, or demure • a down- right good wife and mother, or only commonplace, a genuine woman or deficient in the womanly traits, are vitally important questions . 69 Not by any means that different paternal qualities are of little ac- count, for they, too, are most important, especially as affecting daugh- ters, and doubly those who take after their father. But having put this class of questions, we leave each to answer them in accordance •with these two conditions: first, the hereditary facts , in each case; and secondly, the specific likes and dislikes of the canvasser. Growing out of this subject, and forming an almost integral part of it, is — The general health, especially of girls. Animal power is the great base of all capacity, all functional excellence. What is life without health ? Indeed, what is life hut health ? What are sickly human beings worth, to themselves, their families, or the world ? As, when a machine, however good intrinsically, and adapted to per- WHAT OF THE CONSTITUTION AND HEALTH? 239 form however well, lacks motive power, it is therefore good for nothing • so being a good animal is the first important prerequisite for becoming a good man or woman, husband or wife. It is a good physique , young man, which first attracts. It is brawn , virility , young woman, which first excites your love. c ' Not at all, sir • indeed, it is mindP But can mind manifest itself except by means of this animal vigor? Do not all the intellectual powers, even all the moral excellences, de- cline as physical force wanes ? As when stomach or muscle die, mind ceases its earthly expressions • so be one’s mental capacities whatever they may, their manifestation wanes as lungs give out or stomach fails. Besides, from time immemorial man always has worshiped, always will worship, at the shrine of female beauty , and woman at that of masculine strength , both of which consist mainly in vigorous animal conditions. Woman may indeed love sickly men as she does sickly children, yet this is sympathy, instead of love proper. She always has admired, will admire, soldiers, because they person- ify that strength and protection which she involuntarly craves for herself and children. Any woman, asked what one masculine quality she most admires, will answer ££ power'*' 1 — physical, to protect my person and children : intellectual, to guide my judgment. Woman, consists not this with your own heart-experiences ? You may indeed sympathize with, pity, perhaps pet, a little weakly puny husband, but can not truly love what you pity, for love can obtain only between supposed equals, whereas pity presupposes the inferiority of the pitied. Let those girls who know no better, choose little-faced, little-footed, small-boned, shriveled, soft-handed, soft-headed, nervous, white- livered Young Americas, well-nigh emasculated by our effeminating habits. You certainly do not want them. They may answer merely to beau into and out of parlor or ball-room, or escort to party or picnic, or to flirt with, if flirt you must, but will make miserable husbands. Not sick enough to nurse, nor well enough to excite your whole-souled love, so fidgety and touchy that to please or love them is well-nigh impossible. Nor do puny dandies or in-door clerks at all equal hale, sturdy farmers, mechanics, and those employed out of doors. They may indeed be more polite and fashionable, yet they lack the requisite energy, vitality, and force. Hence all who remain much within doors should by all means take vigorous and daily gymnastic exercises, or else must suffer the de- cline of their manliness. And pray, are not good, firm health and a hardy constitution quite as safe a reliance for the support of a family 240 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. as capital in business ? Does not ability to work exceed bank stock? Miss Young America stands badly in her own light by refusing the hardy farmer and resolute mechanic for the more accomplished but less reliable clerk and do-nothing inheritor of a fortune. The plain fact is, these anti-working ideas of both sexes are rendering them almost unmarriageable just from their muscular inertia ; and ruining the future generations of our country. Judging from its present physical degeneration and rapid decline, what feeble, delicate mortals its de- scendants must become, in the next generation ! And as few, as weakly. And yet individuals are not to blame, for it is these Ameri- can educational customs that are thus fatal to our future. So our men rush from v\ r ork to study, or some sedentary employment, or else to business. Their minds must be educated at the expense of their constitutions, and thereby to the ruin of both. Or if to traffic or business, they must become so anxious and apply their minds so long and laboriously, as to sap the very rootlets of animal power, and be- come poor and delicate before old enough to marry. Our nation can not long survive these enervating habits except by renewed importa- tions. Woman, patronize muscle , not dandyism. Smile on strength, not delicacy. And, young man, in-doors and out, make health para- mount in your prospective wife, both for its own sake and for its in- dispensability to the marital and parental relations. But is it not as important that the American wife and mother be as healthy as husband and father ? How vastly important ! Else the human plants must droop and die for want of aliment. Her office being to supply them with vitality and nutrition, how shall she sustain them when she can not herself ? How impart what she does not possess ? And are not feeble, tiny, sickly children, crying night and day, and requiring constant doctoring and nursing, torturing parental hearts with an agony of fear lest every atmospheric change, if it does not blow them into premature graves, should throw them into an almost hopeless decline — too feeble to withstand infantile ailments, perhaps living on till parental heart-strings become fully entwined around them, only to tear them asunder over their breathless corpse — to be provided against by selecting healthy girls for their mothers ? What sensible man will thus deliberately trifle with his own gushing affections, perhaps render himself childless and heartbroken, by select- ing a small-wasted, little-boned, small-ankled, feeble-muscled, nervous dwarf for the mother of his children, as well as the wife of hif bosom? Let those select feeble girls who will, but when taught a< last by sad experience what ought to be by the evils of what is : sa> not that you were not forewarned. WHAT OF THE CONSTITUTION AND HEALTH? 241 But to crown all, after bestowing a full manly soul on a poor deli- cate creature, besides all the loss of her health and cost of her weakli- ness. to be tortured with agony inexpressible by fit after fit of sickness, till, in the dreadful finale, her very helplessness and sufferings having only redoubled your tender sympathy for her, to see her torn from you by death; to inter her emaciated corpse by the side of that of your darling babe : and return a heart-broken widower to your now desolate home— your life worse than spoiled, and all because you married that delicate miss ; wdiereas, by marrying a healthy one, you could just as well have raised a goodly family of brisk, blooming children, and had a healthy, long-lived helpmeet — really, young man, where is your sense, where that foresight, that business sagacity on which you pride yourself, that you lay a train for these dreadful conse- quences, when you might just as well have laid one for those instead ? But suppose, instead of dying, she barely lives along, feeble, full of aches and ailments ; just able, by extreme care, to go about and keep from getting down sick; unable to do much, or go with you to field or garden, lecture-room or concert, ride or walk, or take part with you in your recreations or labors; tame in character because sickly ; lan- guid in all her pleasures, thoughts, and desires ; exact, exacting, and difficult to please ; having no appetite, she can not relish the finest peach ■ — it is almost worthless to her because too languid to appreciate its merits — discontented ; dissatisfied ; practically impeaching all you say and do for her ; taking everything the cross-grained way : censuring and irritating all because in a censuring mood ; her natural loveliness turned into bitterfiess ; all her mental faculties retroverted ; both awakening pity and provoking anger, because like a sick baby, always in a cross mood; nothing like that sweet, soft, winning, com- plaisant woman she once was, and would again be if again healthy — I pity her much, you more, because either so simple as to choose a weakly one, or else guilty for allowing a healthy one to become sickly after marriage. Thank Heaven, I speak from observation, not experience ; for scarcely a night’s rest has been interrupted by sickness of wife or children, or day’s work lost, or doctor’s bill contracted; but, instead, that greatest life-blessing, uninterrupted health , energy, and efficiency. Nor can a wife be either loving or lovely farther than healthy. For is not love, in common with everything else, exercised by means of vitality? For as none can think clearly, so none can love heartily, without abundant animal vigor. She may, indeed, shed tears when you leave her, but is it not more a sickly, dyspeptic craving than genuine love? Young man, you want neither a sickly girl, nor a do- ll 242 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. nothing one, but a right hearty, healthy, helpmeet , in all things, if you yourself lead a do-something life, which every man ought to, you need a wife w’ho is able and willing to help you ; or if a do-noth- ing life, you require a brisk, healthy wife, just to help you kill time Let the following anecdote both make and illustrate its own point. A wealthy neighbor, having lost his wife, on being condoled with, that L: he had met with a very great loss replied, i: Oh, no, not so very great, for she hasn’t been down cellar for five years” That is, his loss had been trilling, because he had lost a do-nothing wife; or because she could not help make butter and cheese. In short, if your wife really must die, better lose a do -nothing one, than a do-something one. A young farmer, remarking on the death of his wife, said. u I had rather lost the best cow I have , because she made so much and such good butter” And yet, if only healthy girls must marry, the majority o 1 our young men must remain bachelors. Few, precious few, are mar- riageable according to this qualification. Most lamentable, most ruin- ous is the existing state of the female health ! And its declination augurs worse for the future than the present. To what, in all con- science, is our country verging ? When God in nature has done so much for female beauty as well as health, in the name of nature’s health law’s, what violation of these law’s has brought and is bringing about this physical degeneracy ? Fashionable Miss Young America is generally so miserably pitiful a thing as scarcely to be worth the having. So extremely delicate that she can not rise until noon, go out in sun or cold, wet or heat ; or do anything but go out nights. Nor then : only to some fashionable gathering! But must ride then, if even only a square off! Too delicate (indolent ?) even to go a shopping except in her carriage, w’hen nimble clerks must bring their goods out for her ladyship’s in- spection. Scrutinize closely. Where is her color? On her cheek, not in it. Where her teeth? In her tumbler , not mouth. Where her fine rounded form? On her, not of her. Where her fine bust? Outside. Where her flesh? Now'here — much. Alas, almost a bun- dle of dry-goods-artificialities. And are these — w r omen w T e can hardly call them — the prospective mothers of the rising (falling!) race? Few children at best. And they mostly girls. And half of these too precocious to grow up. Oh ! my countrymen and women, where is the public sense ? Not that sickly ladies are blamable. Instead, they are pitiable. Causes inherent in their education have wrought all this ruin. They are but the hapless, helpless, victims of fashionable folly and helpless- FEMALE BOARDING-SCHOOLS, AND ATTIRE! 243 ness. The evil lies in the ton customs of society, not in individuals. “As well be out of the world as out of the fashion.” These fashion- able habits are working all this havoc. What habits? These two — FEMALE BOARDING-SCHOOLS, AND ATTIRE ! That little chubby-cheeked and rosy-faced girl must be pressed into school as soon as she can fairly walk, and Icept crowded all the time, and with all those ambitional appliances teachers and parents can bring to bear upon her susceptible nature. Allowed neither to play, nor mates to play with, because, forsooth, few are sufficiently accom- plished ! Must not associate with Laura Carpenter, nor Sarah Smith, and of course not play with bo>s — rough, vulgar fellows 14 — must study after and before school — must study, study, study “from early morn till late at night,” and then dress to kill besides. Must sit most of her time, and in a tight-fitting dress at that. Must breathe but little, and that little poor in quality. The wonder is that she lives at alt , not that she is sickly ! Yet she must, forsooth, become accomplished! Must sit at the piano for days, weeks, and months. Must drink strong coffee, eat hot biscuit, fine-flour bread, con- diments, rich pies, chalk, pencils, and Heaven knows what trash besides. And at that eventful period when she buds into womanhood, having but little vitality at best, and that little consumed by her brain in study • imprisoned within brick-and-mortar walls* going out only for a monotonous walk with a teacher in front, another in rear, and a third in the middle, and being required to step just so precisely* having little energy at this crisis, she withers and becomes a poor thing. Mrs. Partington sometimes has it, when she charged Ike never, on any account, to choose a wife from a young ladies’ cenetery. And one might about as well choose from a cemetery as from a seminary ! Three girls from one town went from one seminary in one spring to one cemetery, because from the seminary. And from one of the best of seminaries at that. But, therefore, one of the worst. And worst because best. And the better, the worse. For in their very good- ness consist their badness. Our young ladies’ seminaries are our country’s greatest curse ! If by one symbolical blow I could raze them all to the ground, I w r ould deliberately give that blow, and with a right hearty relish, unless I could see .them remodeled upon the platform of health first. And the woman educated , instead of meta- morphosed into a fashionable thing. My country, you little realize how fast you are falling behind other countries, because of this feminine and infantile feebleness. For when female health fails. 244 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. all fails. Our children are our future country. And all of that country. Then how meagre our prospect for our boasted u manifest destiny !” But times must change. These truths are too important long to escape public notice. We must y we will have reform. But from what quarter is it to come ? From our young men . They have caused this evil by running tandem after mere fashionable accomplishments , instead of genuine feminine character, and must initiate the required reform by making health a paramount condition of choice, and accomplishments only secondary. They indeed pay a compliment to style and ladyism : but what hinders our girls from uniting all the accomplishments with the most perfect health ? Nothing. Robust health is perfectly compatible with the utmost re- finement and purity. Indeed, each naturally pro7notes : not interferes, with the other. But the trouble lies in that mawkish prudery 46 which assumes that purity and play are incompatible * that modesty can not co-exist with invigorating exercise; that a tom-boy robustness is inimical to purity; and hence that delicate girls must be housed-up in parlors and seminaries, and watched with eagle eye, lest they should hear some rude word not so very proper ; whereas, in fact, romps are most modest and least in danger, because all their func- tions, love included, are normal, so that improprieties pass u in at one ear and out at the other;” whereas, nervous sentimentality and housed-up precocity both prematurely weaken and pervert this love sentiment; keep its victims ever on the alert for some coquettish adventure ; titter at the sight of young men ; sniffle over love-sick novels; and become the less pure the more mawkish. Romping is as indispensable a precursor to womanliness as spring to summer, or growth to maturity. These hot-house precocities may barely last till marriage, but become insipid ever afterward, while those who have laid a good physical base in rough plays and tom-boy-frolics will both make the best wives and mothers, and last down to a good old age. Men, women, fathers, mothers, are these things so ? Tes- tify, ye who know by experience. Instead of misleading others by pocketing your own error, rather become beacons to guard others against making like wrecks on the same fatal shoal. Proclaim the honest truth. And ye who have eyes to look, and can trace effects and causes, think what must be. and let one and all help obviate this greatest of individual and national calamities — FEMININE FEEBLENESS ! Let parents and public sentiment commence the reform by encour- aging girls in romping, and young men help it onward by hating on FEMININE FEEBLENESS. 245 their matrimonial standard. c; Good health, or no wives.” Let them take their prospective on a ten-mile pedal jaunt, and not ask her a second time if she gives out the first. And let mammas remember, that simple food, early rising, plenty of exercise, less art and more nature, less finnified fixings and more substantial qualities, less deli- cacy with more stamina, less study with more play, less make-be- lieves with more realities, less rouge with more oxygen, and less fashionableness with more womanliness, will render them infinitely better fitted for the important relations of wife and mother, and far more marriageable than the converse. Are not most fashionable usages at war with nature? Mere make-believes? Not to fee, but only to seem? After close school-room application has warped the spine and distorted the shoulders, instead of remedying the error by right exercise, which is easy, it is enough to dress the one straight, and fill out the other with Alabama ! If the form is faulty, enough that the mantua-maker makes it appear faultless. Not to become , but make-believe is the modern motto. Indeed, what is fashion but a prac- tically out-and-out hypocrite — a proud, stuck-up, haughty, distant importation, a pretense, not a reality. Away with her. If she were a soap-bubble doing no damage, women might amuse themselves with her phantasmagorias * but since she not only deforms and enfeebles the body, but rifles the heart of nature’s loveliest work : when she is effect- ing the wholesale ruin of lovely woman and darling childhood — let me raise voice and pen against her hypocritical sway. Think you, young man, that proud consequential miss, dressed to kill, sitting in state, walking in state, thumping the piano in state, requiring service of all, yet serving none, will make you the better wife for all these fashionable airs ? Why are men thus taken with mere outside show ? Our second volume will answer. Young man, you require simplicity and naturalness, instead of affectation. One whose feelings bubble up like a copious spring, and flow forth in unaffected channels, instead of Miss Nippy McFlimsies . 59 Thank Heaven for the new fashion of women skating ! And future generations will also rejoice with joy unspeakable. We hold up both hands, and go in with might and main, pen and tongue, for its continu- ance and universal adoption. Reference is had to the custom begin- ning to be adopted in cities, of renting a few acres of contiguous ice, hiring the snow kept off*, while ladies and gentlemen skate together.' Such skating furnishes the very best of female exercise, and is every way calculated to benefit both sexes, and posterity. Would that every village and school district would but follow this custom. And let the female dress be adapted to this exercise, and especially allow full 246 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. lung -inflation. Would that some similar sport, to be participated in by both sexes, could be devised for summer recreation also — playing ball, calisthenic exercises — anything, but something, and receive the mark of ton . Would to Heaven that our ton fashions could but harmonize with true human character, and promote its development, for we would then recommend them more heartily than we now de- nounce them. Instead, almost every fashionable custom destroys and distorts that nature. 57. INDUSTRIOUS AND HOUSE-KEEPING QUALITIES. Do-nothings are therefore no-bodies. Is it not in and by doing that we become? Natural talents, however great, must be exerted , or they dwindle. All, however talented, require to be inspired to effort by some great life-object. Better labor to re- augment even unnecessary wealth, than to do nothing. But those who prefer to live on their in- come, should choose some life-labor — self-improvement, study, politics, public business, reform, private or public improvements — something on which to spend their force. u Better wear out, than rust out” by inertia. Rust consumes faster than wear. Those who do not have to work for a living, should at least work for fun , but work anyhow, at something. u He that will not work, neither shall he eat.” Not that manual labor is absolutely necessary, but that something to do is an absolute neces- sity. In all conscience, girls, never marry drones. But has nature exempted woman from this her do-something necessity? Not at all. She may choose what : but absolutely must do something . And what as natural as house-keeping? Not but that she can be a good wife yet poor house-keeper, or poor house-keeper yet good wife, but that a good wife is far better for being a good house-keeper in addition. House must be kept, and wife must do something. Then why not she keep house ? Hirelings may answer, but owners how much better ? As in everything, “ He that by the plow would thrive, Himself must either hold or drive;” so no family is fit to live in unless its wife and mother is at the head of its wardrobe, laundry, store-room, and kitchen. Obviously, she should prepare her children’s food with her own hands, for this trust is too important to be delegated. Then why not also that of the husband at the same time ? In the true family it is mother here, mother there, mother everywhere, and for everything. If a child hurts itself, or a bleeding finger requires doing up, or any advice is wanted, etc., etc., all involuntarily run right to ‘‘ mother.” She is INDUSTRIOUS AND HOUSE- KEEPING QUALITIES. 247 the great “sympathetic nerve” of the whole family, its natural in- door head and director, because she should love husband and children devotedly, and love always involuntarily does and keeps doing for those beloved . 28 29 And this re-increases her and their affections. The modern error of educating woman mainly for ornament is cardi- nal, whereas nature requires her to become a helpmeet. A good wife must take right hold with head, heart, and hand of whatever her husband does ; whereas, the fashionable idea is that he must do all , while she only glitters in fashionable furbelows. Not that she should not be ornate. Her natural beauties require to be shown to the very best advantage. But “handsome is that handsome doesf more than dresses. That which is best generally looks best, of which fruit furnishes an illustration. Moreover, whatever is ornamental is also useful , and ornamental because useful. Use is ornament, and orna- ment use, the world over. The two combine in nature, and should in a wife. Nor is she ever as charming as when doing something to render others happy. Give me one who can bake and wash, -pick and cook esculents, make bread and butter, cut and sew, and cater to the creature comforts of her family. Not that half the domestic work now required is at all necessary, nor that wife should be all work, but that she should unite the house-keeper with the lady and wife. Yet the majority of the Miss Young Americas rarely ever do much about house, and are mortally ashamed if caught at work. If on calling to see your lady-love you find her usefully employed — of which there is little danger — she apologizes for being in her working-dress, and seems ashamed to have it known that she ever does anything useful, be careful not again to trouble her ladyship by any subse- quent call. She is quite too much of a lady for any but dandies. But if she seems rather proud than ashamed to be found in working habiliments — keep going. Said an eminent divine: “ Obliged to leave my native town for the seminary early Monday morning, in bidding acquaintances good-bye, I called on a young woman I thought some of marrying, but was still undecided. I found her with sleeves rolled up, perspiring over the wash-tub. But she received me just as pleasantly as she had ever before done in her best dress, seemingly unconscious but that she was as proud of this as that, and without any appearance of hesitation. This determined my choice • and she has indeed been a blessed helpmeet, and made up by her economy and excellent house-keeping qualities, for the in- sufficiency of my salary, besides relieving me of domestic cares.” Mechanical skill — manual dexterity with the needle and scissors in whatever requires cutting, mending, and making — is also an im- 248 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. portant addenda to house-keeping talents. To be able to cut out as well as make up garments, and cut large ones out of small patterns, and buy cheap besides, to run a sewing-machine, and save millinery and other bills, is quite as useful an accomplishment as painting or French, besides enabling her to adorn table and parlor, boudoir and laundry, with various ornamental and useful articles, painting in- cluded, to Deautify home and redouble its comforts. But while nature requires both husband and wife to do for each other, she also requires him to do most for her, of which, however, in Volume II. Moreover, many do-nothing girls make excellent house- keeping wives. Loth to keep their father’s house because not theirs, they yet take excellent care of their own. The great requisite is, that they have a right spirit and a willing hand in case occasion should require. Circumstances will do the balance. Yet many wives voluntarily over- work, literally spoiling their lives by assuming too much family care, and keep themselves completely worn out with work. A wife is too precious to become a drudge. And generally, except in upper-tendom, American wives do too much rather than too little. Of which in Part III. Still, there are many Lord Blessingtons who, having plenty of ser- vants, and more money than they can spend, require some lovely charming creature to help use up their income : on whom doting hus- bands can lavish all that wealth and masculine fondness can bestow on female loveliness: who shall be the petted mother of his petted children; she giving her whole being to him and them, and he his to her. But must such a wife necessarily be an idler ? Does she not necessarily in nursing her children do most of all? Do not they who do for her thereby do mainly for them? Such husbands require neither economical nor house-keeping wives, but only u a love of a woman.” 58. MARRYING FOR MONEY. Dollars never bind hearts. Love alone ever does or can become the bond-principle of a true hearty conjugal union. Moreover, marriages for money on either side break nature’s conjugal laws, and neces- sarily incur their penalties. Such marriages punish themselves. Girls may and should look well to a family support, but are not good health and willing hands quite as reliable as ready money? If a proposer has any even ordinary work or business, and is then passa- bly industrious, certainly, with a good fair start, love will /guarantee the required support. Nor should young men postpone marriage merely to first either provide a home or make a fortune, for a good wife is the best help- MARRYING FOR MONEY. 249 meet in both. As birds always pair before building, why not also the human pair? In order that a wife may fully enjoy or keep your house, it requires to be ours, the joint production of your united heads and hands. Ours in planning, ours in building, thereby applying that own principle already applied in marriage . 44 However, a woman looking well to necessary creature comforts is one thing, yet marrying for an establishment is quite another. Still, how many, rendered heartless by interrupted love, turn fortune- hunters? Said a despicable female hypocrite, “I did not marry him for love, but only for his money. ” And the way such will make the money fly is a caution. Wherein do they differ from u women of pleasure,” except that the one prostitutes herself illegally, the other legally, while both obtain their “ establishment ' 7 by precisely the same means? Better get it illegally, and ruin but one. Worse than even to rob for it. And those who marry with little love and much pride, had better remain single than prostitute love on the altar of vanity * for love is infinitely sacred, and punishes all forms of its prostitution. Robbers is the very epithet for such heartless miscre- ants. Yet robbery is but the smallest part of their crime, for such a life as they will lead him, can better be imagined than described. And those men who have money must look sharply, for vixen snares beset them on all sides. Yet such are usually “ diamond cut dia- mond^ — all but the diamond part. Yet since fortune-hunting women deserve all this, what can be said bad enough of that masculine — man he is not — who seeks to marry for a fortune merely ? Shameless hypocrite ! Pretending to love her, yet caring only for her money ! Spider ! Coiling your web around your victim’s heart, only that you may live on her life’s blood ! If money is your main motive, say so in honest truthfulness, not lie right out, and in action at that ; for a practical lie lived out is ten-fold meaner in itself, more destructive to its victim, more, every way devilish, than when uttered merely. And telling such a lie to a woman at that ! And she young ! And coaxing her to love you for it besides ! You dastardly hypocrite ! You despicable villain ! Gamblers are no comparison to you in moral turpitude, because they profess to rob, while you rob in the most despicable disguise man can assume to woman. Verily, this is “stealing the livery of heaven to serve the devil in!” A thief and robber are saints in comparison ; for they rarely steal all, while you grasp the whole! They rob men, and only dollars, while you rob a female, of both purse and heart! And of heart only to get purse ! They rob by night, while you de- liberately plan and execute your damnable plot by dav and night, for 11 * 250 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. consecutive months. They rob strangers, but you an intimate ! They under cover of darkness, you under that of love! They steal keys to make duplicates, while you steal the affections of a confiding, lovely woman, that you may thereby revel in the patrimony her doting father has laid up for her life-long support ! If there is any one human being more hypocritical, more despicable, more damnable even — no epithets can equal the reality — -than any other, it is he who courts and marries a woman for her money ! And deserves the direst of all penalties ! Do not mock the subject by talking about deserving u tar and feathers.” Nor even the gibbet. But the hottest place at the bottom of the pit below is not too great a punishment for so great a crime. Because, mark, after thus robbing a doting woman under the guise of love, you turn round and abuse her ! Must. Can not help it, since you live with her without loving her. Hide her heart , besides robbing her purse. Robbing for dollars merely is a virtue in comparison with breaking her soul , 48 for this shortens her life and spoils it the little time she does survive this death of her affections ! Think you retributive nature will let such a crime i! go unwhipt of justice?” If she did, the very stones would cry out for vengeance.” She makes sure work. Her aim is deadly. Not one infringement of her laws ever goes unpunished. And she apportions her penalties to your crime. Envy not him — Satan incarnate — who marries a woman’s money* for nature will torment him while he lives, torture him when he dies, and redouble her penalties forever ! She u will not let the wicked go unpunished.” And she visits iniquity” in the direct line of the transgression — in this case the marital. And makes the sin the means of the suffering. u Not only in the day ,” but in the wav, thou sinnest, thou shalt surely die.” Such sin, in and of itself, causes its own suffering. And thus. In and by marrying her money, you assume a dependent position Are supported. And by a female at that ! Verily, poltroon, if you really must be supported, why, do in all conscience go to the county poor-house, instead of the matrimonial. And if she has any sense — good enough for you if she has not — she will catch you at it, and then the w*ay she will put you under the harrow, and harrow you worse than any other toady ever w*as harrowed, is a caution to toadies ! Let an anecdote illustrate : A man — rather “ feller” — in Troy, married a woman’s money, she being throwm in — and it sometimes takes piles of money to render the throw-in even bearable — wfith wffiich a splendid riding estab- lishment w T as procured, in which she w r anted to ride to Amsterdam with another man, to which he objected ; w^hen she replied : u But, sir. I w r ould have you know it was my money that bought that estab- MARRYING FOR MONEY. 251 lishment, and I mean to ride when, where, and with whom I please, ” and might have added, and doubtless did in feeling, “ and you, puppy, must grin and bear it.” “And it was your money that bought me too” he mutters between his teeth. How do you think you would feel all sold out ? All bought up ? And by a woman at that ? And doubtless cheated your buyer even then. Fie on you ! Have a woman pay your tailor’s bills, ha ! And you dance attendance in return ! But didn’t she “pay dear for her whistle,” though? “ I bought you * see that you mind. I bought you cheap ; see that you serve well.” And she will thrust her money and your menial dependence into your face every hour of your life. In look, in act, in word, somehow, anyhow, every- how. And you, poor coot, must grin and bear it, too ! Good enough for you. Served you right, you hypocritical robber ! A Quaker worth two shillings, married a Quakeress worth three, who twitted him every little while thus: “ Anyhow, I was worth the most at our marriage !” Independence is an attribute of manliness. Give to me to make my own fortune, rather than even to inherit it. Much less to marry it. Let me not live by even the sweat of a father’s brow. Much less by that of a father-in-law. Enough that I derive my life, name, and character from my parents. As soon as old enough, let me earn my own w^ay. Is there no glory in the life-consciousness that one has carved out his own fortune ? And let me rather support my wife, than be supported by her. Almost rather not live, than live depend- ent. Why, if, in this age, when energy is so amply rewarded, I couldn’t support both myself and family, I would hunt up or drive up some old rusty nail, ’way down back behind the cellar door, and hang myself up on it, and dry out there, and have done with it. And yet there are poor poltroons enough standing ready to be bought for less than the price of a good Virginia slave ! Outrageous ! this venality of marriage. What of the marital relations of those countries and classes who practice it, of which France furnishes an example? Hei* marriages are mainly venal, and each wife has her “ chore ami ” — her beaux and lovers — wholly irrespective of her husband, who only pos- sesses her purse and fortune, but another her heart. And would this were all ! How long since the papers told the story of England's richest heiress, glistening in diamonds to be sure, but evincing the most hopeless melancholy in the midst of the gayest assembly. Religious herself, she had loved a divine. But her proud family in- sisted that she should not marry him. She paid them back by perti- naciously refusing to marry at all, and is to-day miserable in spite of 252 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. untold riches, and more hopelessly wretched than her penniless wash- er-woman. Nature always does and always must punish such breaches of her laws by spoiling the life of both the victims. Their doom we have already discussed . 45 t0 48 Nor is there any escape, for nature is inexorable. Did not the world-renowned conjugal diffi- culties of Lady Norton originate in a monetary alliance? Are not derelictions from virtue the natural results of marrying for money ? 46 Have we not proved that love alone is the guardian of virtue? A rich, proud, stern father obliges his daughter to marry one she loathes. This compels her either to die broken-hearted, or else to love outside of wedlock, the necessary consequence of which is either infidelity, or else the starvation of her love element . 46 46 47 Or a virtuous young man tenderly loves a poor but sweet young girl. His proud mother and rich father interfere and break his virtue by breaking his love . 45 He now hardly cares whom he marries, or whether faithful to his merely legal vows. What inducement has he ? Nor as a general rule is it wise to marry much above or below your own station in life, because it involves different habits, education, associations, etc. Though a poor, uneducated, but right good stami- nate girl may indeed make a rich man a better wife than a rich in- ferior one, yet her poverty rather unfits than fits her for her new station. Still, much more depends on the girl than her station merely. Yet, two can step together upon a given platform all the easier by stepping from a similar one. But there are cases in which a poor man may properly marry a rich girl; especially where she loves and makes advances first . 40 Or at least readily seconds his. Where she esteems his talents, education, and virtues as an ample offset for her fortune, and loves him so well that she is right glad to bestow her fortune along with herself, on one she esteems as every way worthy of both. If she loves him well enough either to place him on her social position, or else herself on his, all is right. So far from being humbled or becoming dependent thereby, he but receives a complimentary present. All the better, though quite unlikely, if her parents and relatives second her. If she and they virtually say, ci We furnish the money, you mind ; we position, you brains ; we the means, you the work ; and are even,” by all means let them marry. Always and everywhere provided that both love. And many rich parents require that their daughters marry mind , and the human capacities and excellences rather than dollars. They can easily lift him upon their social platform without lowering them- selves and may stand in special need of his constitution, vigor, am- MARRYING FOR MONEY. 258 bition, talents, and soul, both to carry on their business, and keep up the talents of the family. How infinitely better that rich girls should marry poor men than rich things — intellectual and noble men in preference to rich and brainless sensualists ! How many really fine girls are completely spoiled for life by being prevented from marrying excellent young men whose only crime is their poverty, but who would have been godsends to the whole family by sustaining their business and standing, and transmitting human excellences to their descendants ! Besides, think a little before you sacrifice that charming girl on the altar of family pride. Is she not too precious? Can you afford to throw away her life on a mere name ? In view of these principles, how unparental, how even monstrous, to disinherit children because they marry contrary to parental wishes ! True, parents have an undoubted right to do what they please with their property, yet how barbarous to hate one’s own children ! By a law of nature and things, parents should love even had children, and especially good ones devotedly. And does not love always indulge , not cross 7 Human nature can hardly perpetuate a greater outrage on their children than to rupture their affections. Most outrageous, then, for parents to cross them in matters which lie so very near their hearts, and exert so controlling an influence over their lives and destinies ? No true parent ever can or will do it ! But worst of all, to cast out a delicate, pampered daughter upon the cold charities of a heartless world, and thereby proclaim to that world that she is so bad that even her parents are obliged to disown her * thereby forewarning all not to come near the vile thing for fear of contamination — really, what greater outrage can be perpetrated upon a true, loving, and genuine woman ? But it reflects more on them than her. “ But my daughter has disobeyed me, and in a most important matter.” Yet it is in a matter in which you had no right to command. Nor was she under any obligations to obey. Her obedience to you would have been disobedience to nature , and destructive to self. u But she has disgraced us and herself by marrying one far below both.” Below in what? In dollars merely! Y r et is he not as far above you in human excellence , as below in station? And it requires but little humanity to outweigh much wealth ! The mere fact that she loves him is one of the strongest recommend* ations in his favor, unless you virtually accuse her of loving badness. 254 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. Yet granted that she loves inferiority, does not this render your darling daughter’s lot hard enough without your superadding to it disinheritance, disgrace, and the loss of your affections besides? Yet in most cases like this, the young man is conceded to be good, talented, and every way worthy, except in wealth. Really, are dollars so much more valuable in your eyes than human excellence ? We rarely esteem what we do not possess. Because, “ sour grapes to us.” Hence, your estimating talents and morals so lightly, and dollars so highly, proclaims your own intellectual and moral inferiority, while your unsophisticated daughter recommends herself by loving genuine human excellence, though found in humble life. But that girl who voluntarily forsakes relatives, station, affluence, and fine prospects — who sacrifices so much, and in so many different ways, for the man she loves — deserves all the affection it is in his power to return. And to abuse or even neglect a woman who has made such a sacrifice, no matter if she is faulty, is meanness a little meaner, and wickedness a little more wicked, than even marrying for money — than anything else one human being can perpetrate upon another, and especially a man on a woman. And whEffc is true of marrying for riches is equally true of marry- ing for station, or any or all motives other than those of true genuine affection. The summing up of this whole matter, then, is simply this, that wealth, as such, should u have no part nor lot” whatever in deter- mining the matrimonial choice, although unobjectionable, perhaps even desirable, when genuine love really exists. All depends on their love , nothing on dollars. Mutual affection is infinitely above all considerations, and should be held by all parties as sacred and in- violable. 59. HANDSOME AND PLAIN ; OR BELLES, BEAUX, BEAUTIES, ETC. That genuine beauty signifies true human excellence, is a funda- mental natural truth, applicable alike to fruit, animal, and man, and of course to marital companionship. Nature’s externals always correspond with her internals. True beauty signifies a fine-grained organism, along with mental and moral superiority, and can not well be overrated. The determining question here is, in what true beauty consists ? That is, why is this one more beautiful than that ? This subject calls up that analysis of sexual beauty to be discussed in Volume II. Suf- fice here, that opinions on no subject are as vague and erroneous as on this. HANDSOME AND PLAIN. 255 What is generally called beauty is. rather, prettiness, and might properly be designated by u fancy touches.” This kind of beauty is indeed only “ skin deep,” and of little account. Such generally make plainer women than plain girls. The great question is, not how good a looking girl she is : but, how fine a looking woman will she make ? Will her good looks last? Marriage is for a lifetime. Mere pret- tiness soon fades, while a more substantial outline face grows more pleasing with years. How will that beauty look when a mother , and perhaps spare instead of fleshy ? Pale, not florid, and otherwise changed, per.haps a plain one will be changed less ) and really the best looking. Yet a decidedly ugly-looking woman, though she may be very good, kind, loving, industrious, and much more besides, has after all some marked imperfections of character, and lacks a certain style concom- itant with female character, while one who is in the main pretty, but who has some one objectionable feature, will generally be found to have some very objectionable traits. Per contra. Belles are therefore inherently objectionable. They make the very poorest of wives. Petted, loved, flattered, besought, they are almost certain to become proud, capricious, and imperious, and require you to be like their other beaux, sycophantic, and over- look all their faults, besides virtually saying, when any little diffi- culty arises, u If I had married either of my other admirers, they would not have treated me thus.” Beauties will do much better to flirt with than to marry, but ar q just the ones for fops. Yet, simply handsome men are necessarily indifferent, for they lack stamina, force, character. They will answer for beaux, but are poorly calculated to satisfy a genuine woman’s love. A weak-minded girl’s they may, but woman loves power in man much more than finish. He should look srrong and massive, rather than merely handsome. In- deed, men of genius are almost always both homely and awkward. Style, Manners, Presence, naturally come under this head, and are governed by this general rule. Style in a woman is most desir- able, provided it is well sustained, and does not degenerate into mere stuck up pride . 69 Does she make a good personal appearance , and show off genteelly ? Can you take pride in introducing her to your old comrades, as if practically saying, u This is my beau-idealP Refer- ence is not had to style in dress, but address — to a certain style of character — very different from boarding-school airs, for it is inherent, not assumed. The manners of a genuine woman will be taking, pleas- ant, and attractive, besides crowning all she does and says with a cer- tain union of grace with dignity, which pleases while it sways. 256 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. Manners, the way things are said and done, are peculiarly expressive of character, and should be scanned attentively. Not that we pretend here to say what signifies what, but only to call attention to them as especially worthy of observation, because expressive of character. An affected, singular, or artificial cast of manners signifies more pride than worth, while simplicity, naturalness, unaffectedness in walk, expres- sion, and manner of saying and doing things, signify genuine womanly nature, along with a trueness thereto every way desirable. Nor should ladies allow dandyism, or foppery, or mere external appearance to captivate or outweigh that more manly behavior which springs from right feelings , though eclipsed perhaps by bashfulness or awkwardness. Instead, ask yourself whether he possesses the rudi- ments of a good behavior ? Not whether he is, but whether he can be polished ? Mark, ladies, that many rude at the core, often show their long ears in a half-genteel impudence or coarseness of manners sugared over with a seemingly refined forwardness which awakens laughter, and goes down for the moment, while others are gentlemen at heart, though retired. “ Look below the surface.” Yet neither extreme forwardness nor bashfulness is desirable. For- wardness coupled with eccentricity is more objectionable than mere diffidence. Women generally rate forward young men far above, but bashful ones far below, their real merits. When extreme awkward- ness is consequent on an exalted regard, amounting even to reverence for the female sex, it becomes the very highest recommendation, while a prompt, forward, familiar, and easy air may spring from the loss of this regard, on the principle that u familiarity breeds contempt.” But u a word to the wise.” 60 . COMMUNICATING TALENTS : MUSIC. The expression of genuine humanity stands second only to its posses- sion. Conversational, speaking, and writing talent can hardly be over- rated, yet is almost wholly overlooked. Its virtual excellence, in whichever form, justly challenges the admiration of the wprld, past and present, savage and civilized, learned and illiterate. Yet where- in does conversational eloquence differ from forensic, except in the number of its listeners ? Is it not even more to be admired in the cot- tage than on the rostrum ? Hence, what of his talent for expressing himself? What of her con- versational powers ? are paramount questions, and the answers most significant. However plain, yet if her ideas flow readily, and she clothes them in appropriate and beautiful language, this gift recom- mends her more than all the boarding-school artificialities and milli* COMMUNIC ATIN G TALENTS: MUSIC. 257 nery furbelows she can exhibit. Does she warm up to her subject, and impart to it a certain glow and interest which delights and in- structs ? Does she choose words which connectedly express her pre- cise meaning, and begin her sentences at the right end, or bungle both ? Is she grammatical ; or does she murder the u King’s English ?” Not, u Can she speak French,” but, can she talk elegantly? It matters little whether she has studied grammar, for natural conversational talent will evince itself irrespective of oratorical aids, which of course help. Does she spoil a good story by telling it badly, or so tell it as to make its point of application emphatic ? Is she suggestive ? Does she make you think and feel as she converses ? Many object to long female tongues, because given to scandal ; whereas, whether one talks well or ill has absolutely nothing, to do with backbiting ! Scandal is consequent on a malevolent spirit, not a C£ long tongue.” One may say but little, yet misrepresent that little, or talk much, yet give a true version of what is said. Neglect those girls who, looking through malevolent glasses, always represent things as worse than they really are * but patronize those who paint whatever they attempt to say or do in beautiful handsome colors. Equally desirable is this same communicating gift in men. Should not a wife exult in beholding her husband’s superior conversational talents draw admiring and applauding crowds around him? Much more, if in public he can pour forth those £ * thoughts that breathe and words that burn,” to edify and improve mankind. Woman always has been, will be, captivated by fine speakers. Be it that they are homely, awkward, even rough, so that they speak effectively and elo- quently, she admires and loves — Clay and Webster for example. But superior composing talents in both are equally valuable. Even more so. They are but another form, and that the most potential, of this gift of expression. True, good writers are sometimes poor speak- ers, yet all speak as they write, and good speakers write poorly only because prevented by diffidence, or want of practice, or like causes, from manifesting this same talent in speaking. Good corresponding talents, therefore, should be highly prized by each sex in the other. Choose him, her, above all others who can write a good letter. And love to write. And write fast as well as easily. Better still, those who write poetry and essays worthy of pub- lication. Most of all, if during courtship they write extra good love letters. Smile if you will, but this gift both presupposes clear heads and warm hearts. And even those boarding-school misses who w r rite truly excellent compositions deserve great credit and good husbands. But neglect those who can think of but little to say or write, and 258 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. express that little bunglingly. And those girls who “dress to kill,” assume aristocratic airs, and make many pretensions to ton , but who use coarse or common language, perhaps even “ slang phrases,” and an inelegant, perhaps ungrammatical style of expression, may do for brainless fops, but should be “ let alone severely” by those in search of companions worth having. Would that those who take such extra pains to accomplish their exteriors, would instead take more to accom- plish their mentalities. This “ long tongue” stigma on women, then, is really most credit- able; and “Blue Stockings” are, therefore, superior women, and de- sirable wives. Admitted that they often make poor wives and house- keepers, yet is this not mainly because they lack appreciative hus- bands ? Has not Lucy Stone, despite her unpopular platform, been universally admired by intelligent men ? Even by those who dislike her doctrines ? And makes she not as good a wife as speaker ? Gen- erally, men really do love speaking talents in women. “ But why lay such special stress on communicating talents? A desirable gift to be sure, but why so extra valuable?” First, on its own account ! Let her with whom I have to spend so large a portion of my life, be able to improve and amuse me by saying vrell wdiat will make me the happier and better, besides giving me much to think and talk about. Again, does not love subsist mainly on mind? Then must not that mind be expressed , in order to its being loved ? And is it not the more lovable the better it is expressed ? And still more in husbands and wives than lovers merely ? Woman, do you not love those men whose conversation instructs you? Who give you seed thoughts which also make you think? To whom you can listen enchained by the hour with increasing delight ? Who keep talking while walking, and instruct you to talk in return ? Or like you best those say-nothing demures who keep their ideas and feelings to themselves ? Or do you men like those demure girls best who, when you express ideas and sentiments which ought to call out hearty responses, barely say, “ Yes” or “ No ?” Who, when you start conversation on this subject, let it drop, and oblige you to start another, only to see it drop also ? Or those who sustain and contribute to the conversation ? Those with whom it is up-hill work to converse, or easy ? But, after all, the main value of this gift centers in its hereditary endowment of children. One eloquent descendant is worth a score of common ones. And since mothers transmit eloquence more than fathers — of which Clay, Webster. Henry are illustrious examples — SCHOLARSHIP, INTELLIGENCE, AND SENSE. 259 this gift become^ well-nigh paramount in women, and atones for many faults. My countrymen, do you fully appreciate female conversational excellence? Be it that a French lady is plain, yet if she discourses elegantly, or is witty, admiring men flock around her as though they could hardly pay sufficient court to her. Whereas, if an American female is only splendidly dressed , she is courted, however poor in con- versational powers ] while those not fashionably attired are neglected, though endowed with conversational powers really magnificent. Then is dress so far above mind ? Or are American men at fault? Do they not run after the personal woman much more than the mental? And most miserable are its marital consequences. Chirography is also significant of like mental qualities. A good, open, easy, elegant handwrite, or an awkward, stiff, pinched up, irreg- ular cne, is indicative of like traits of character. The musical gift is but a branch of eloquence, and therefore deserves a like encomium. Yet while per se it stands coequal with conversa- tional powers, it deserves less encomium here, because its intrinsic merits are less overlooked. It therefore remains only to make this important distinction, that natural genius vastly exceeds acquired abil- ity. Artificialities are good enough, as far as they go . which is not far, either after marriage, or by way of endowing offspring. While those who make you feel what they sing and play, who awaken soul because they express it, will not neglect the one or the other soon after marriage. Yet musical genius is one thing, while running tandem after the opera, and lauding foreign artists, is quite another, and amounts to little. Better practice home music. Yet concerts are good in their places. 61. SCHOLARSHIP, INTELLIGENCE, AND SENSE. Scholarship is already so generally appreciated as to require but these two observations — that a well educated, though penniless young man, is far more eligible than an uneducated rich one; and one well read than one comparatively ignorant ; that one who learns fast and easily, and remembers well, though blessed with few advantages, far exceeds those who learn with difficulty, though well drilled. But this is only another commendation of natural gifts over those merely acquired. But intelligence is far more valuable, relatively, than scholarship, and one of the most important matrimonial endowments. Do his or her sayings and doings commend themselves to your own good sense and that of others? Which candidate thinks most clearly, and lays 260 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. the best plans? Which devises the best means for supplying what is required, accomplishes the most with the least, makes one hand wash the other, and can plan best under difficulties? That is, which has the most intellect , and especially Causality? The difference between different persons in this respect is indeed surprising ; and staminate sense is, after all, the great point, and outweighs many minor qualities. One who has this will be far the better helper, provider, companion, and every way the more desirable, than one who has not. Besides being more easily cured of faults, and inoculated with right doctrines and practices. How infinitely better intelligence and reasoning facul- ties, than accomplishments merely, besides being the great governor of the feelings ! 62. MORAL STAMINA INDISPENSABLE. We would read no maudlin homily on the general value of honesty, integrity, and moral stamina, nor even elucidate their importance to success in business, or a good name among men ; but proclaim this eternal truth, that if a high moral tone, along with uncompromising integrity are required anywhere in life, they are pre-eminently demand- ed in the conjugal relations. Nothing whatever averts love as soon as their deficiency. Love must have unlimited confidence , or perish ! Moral principle naturally elicits affection, while trickery and all wrong-doing are fatal to love. Conscientiousness, located on the top of the human brain, must occupy a like supreme place in the conjugal relations. Worst of all. This deficiency in a companion transmits itself to those dear children on whom you are to dote. To see them grow up comparatively regardless of the right ; unrestrained from wrong-doing by a high sense of duty, and irresponsive to conscientious appeals, is indeed most agonizing, and by all means to be prevented by marrying only those endowed with large Conscientiousness. I know a most excellent woman — pious, patient, devout, perfectly moral, a perfect pattern wife and mother — who would no more do wrong than pluck out a right eye, and who regards integrity as the highest of human virtues, by marrying a smart but tricky man, just cunning enough to escape the clutches of the law, and, being really talented, passes respectably, has borne him a son much more cunning than the father; and who, when fold of her son’s dishonest tricks, by which he could have easily been sent to a Southern penitentiary, and disgraced the whole family, seemed to writhe in a perfect agony of fear, as if practically saying, u My worst fears ere finally realized ! I did hope my prayers and counsels would have saved him. But no, he DISPOSITION OR TEMPER, KINDNESS, ETC. 261 proves incorrigible. I expect every letter will inform me that my once loved son. whom I nursed, dandled, and baptized, is imprisoned ! My own son, of whom I hoped so much, a thief and liar! Oh, I do wish he had never been born, or were buried ! 1? What soul- harrowing pangs must torture her by night and day, and from his first boyish roguery to her till he or she is buried ! Then let one and all forestall an eventuality so dreadful by marrying those endowed with moral principle, or large Conscientiousness. Yet one can have too much of a good thing. Very large Conscien- tiousness, with an irritable, nervous system, and active Combativeness, is worse than even weak Conscientiousness. Such think their ideas everything, par excellence , just exactly right, and whoever, whatever, differ therefrom, most wrong and wicked. To them right is so very right, that they will not tolerate the slightest deviation from their strait-jacket standard. While wrong is to them so very wrong, that its every item deserves unsparing rebuke. They are constitutionally sensorious. Whoever differs from their narrow-minded, bigoted views, they condemn with unmitigated severity, besides attributing the worst of motives to even the best of actions. But your conscience is something te you, as well as theirs all to them. You honestly differ from them. War inevitably ensues. They blame you, and thereby freeze your love . 21 23 24 You are conscientious in your views, but they inexorable in. theirs. Though they mean as well as human being can mean, yet their bigoted intolerance and per- petual fault-finding are far worse than moral obtuseness. They u tithe mint, anise and cummin / 1 and are shocked with holy horror because you do not ! Nothing comes anywhere near up to their extra-scrupulous standard. They indeed blame themselves for various short-comings, yet this only makes them blame you all the more. And a high-wrought temperament renders matters, bad enough in all conscience before, still worse ! Exact, exacting, inexorable, unyielding, retributive, eter- nally condemning, though well meaning • stretching you and all others on their procrustean bed, and cutting off those too long but stretching out those too short — above all things, deliver me from both extremes — extra large and deficient Conscientiousness. 63. DISPOSITION OR TEMPER, KINDNESS, ETC. The natural temper or temperament is most important. The prac- tical value of a good temper, or a sw~eet, pleasant disposition, in contra- distinction from a cross-grained, petulant one, can hardly be overrated. It makes a world of difference whether a conjugal companion construes everything in the worst light, or in the best; takes things adversely 262 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS and frets over them, or smooths and makes the best of them ; whether always in a fluster and a bustle, or quiet and even tempered; whether uniformly patient, or perpetually scolding; whether repelling, or attracting; irritating, or calming; rough, or gentle; spiteful, or soft; continually creating a disturbance, or making peace ; resentful, or for- giving ; overbearing, or forbearing; waiting on, or requiring to be waited on ; claims the best for self, or gives it to others'; sending off* this brother with a box on the ear, and that with a spiteful push, “ There, go along, and do as I bid you, 77 or asking them pleasantly. Above all things, let scolds alone. I once said, in a lecture, “ Suppose while admiring the elegant man- ners, musical genius, and conjugal and matrimonial excellences of a splendid woman, you should hear her scold, however justly, would this manifestation of temper raise or lower her in your estimation ? 77 “ It would lower her, 77 said an auditor. “Perhaps you know by experience, sir, 77 I answered. “ Perhaps I do, sir, 77 was his reply. The next day he called, saying : “ I was the one who spoke out in meeting last evening. My reason was this. I once loved and was betrothed to a girl of whom 1 thought the world. Our wadding day appointed — her dress procured. I rode over to spend a summer Sunday evening in her company, and having much to talk about, we protracted our conversation until, re- tiring, I found it too late to take my bed ; when, passing around by the kitchen soon afterward, on my way to the barn for my horse, I heard my betrothed scolding ! A cold chill ran over me ! I staggered to the barn, and was for a time insensible; made up my mind never to marry that girl, and to get my walking papers as soon as possible, I danced gayly soon after with the belle of the ball-room, which offended her, and she gave me the dismissal I craved, and has since scolded two men into their graves, and one foot of the third, besides spoiling me. too, for I haven’t been worth a limpsey rag since. 77 Genuine practical kindness is also particularly important. Es- pecially should a wife be kind and self-sacrificing, or, in phrenological language, have large Benevolence. And one great test of this trait in children, is like traits in their parents, more especially mothers. So is it whether the parents live happily or unhappily together. Yet trifling circumstances will also reveal the temper. An illustrative anecdote. One of a half dozen young couple, sitting down to dinner, peremp- torily ordered a certain dish, which the waiter, returning, said was exhausted; to which he spitefully replied, “Why didn’t you keep some for me, for you know I love it. 77 PERSON AX HABITS, NEATNESS, ETC. 263 “ I did not know you were coming, sir , 77 was the reply. Now could not his girl have seen from this slight circumstance that he was most irritable and unreasonable, and infer therefrom that he would manifest a like disposition to her ? If a lover proposes a ride, note how he manages his horse. If he avoids this rock and that rut; and drives his beast kindly and considerately, all is right. But if he lashes here and jerks there ; dashes through this rut and over that rock, or shows temper or tyranny, especially swears , you may safely infer that when he has you, too, fairly in the matrimonial harness, he will treat you too likewise. As “watched straws show which way the wind blows , 77 keep an eye to windward, and learn from mickles what muckles means. 64. PERSONAL HABITS, NEATNESS, ETC. One’s personal habits have much to do with their conjugal qualifi- cations. True, staminate character is much more important than mere habits ; but whether one rises or retires late or early ; how one prefers to spend his or her time, especially evenings ; whether one has, or lacks neatness of person, etc., have important conjugal bearings. It is less important whether man is tidy than woman. A slattern must neces- sarily make a poor wife, for she lacks refinement. Is she cleanly in apparel, and neat and tidy about head and foot, or is her hair disheveled ? Does she know just where to put hand on bonnet and glove, and get ready for walk or ride in a trice, or are her things often out of place or lost? Is she liable to frequent mishaps, that is, luckless or lucky ; careful or careless ? Does she tear or slat out her apparel, or preserve it for a long time ? Or has your beau any bad habits ? Does he smoke or drink, swear or chew ? Nor does the commonness of such habits obviate their odiousness. How would a truly refined woman revolt on first seeing a man puff, putf. puff, or chew, chew, chew, and spit, spit, spit, no matter how genteelly. (?) Say what you will, practice them whoever may, or however politely, they are inherently disgusting and filthy, and so regarded in the very fact of their customary and deserved ejec- tion from the parlor and genteel ladies 7 company, and allotment to some uncleanly place. Their universal banishment from car, cabin, parlor, and the society of refined women, except by permission — “no smoking abaft the wheels” — is a staring practical condemnation which ought to make gentlemen abjure them altogether; for any habit which unfits them for female society, is unfit for them at all times and places To say nothing of their most fatal physiological objections, to be repre sented in Volume II. Young woman, when proposing conjugal candidates are equally 264 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. eligible in other respects, if one chews or smokes, or both, while the other does not, by all means choose the latter ! He is to spend many days and years perpetrating this repulsive habit, which obliges you meanwhile either to abjure his society, or else endure to see the man you love, smoke, chew, and spit, while you u grin and bear” the loathsome sight. How can you love one who is perpetually disgusting you with any, to you, repugnant practice? Besides, these habits necessarily impair the looks, by rendering the teeth yellow, gums all swollen, complexion fiery red or leaden yellow, linen soiled, and breath most foul and fetid. Indeed, they are so universal that we are loth to say how loathsome and injurious they really are! And it is to these habits, as averting love : that we invite especial attention. And is not “ dipping” equally objectionable ? Yet tippling habits are still worse. Both on their own account, and because, unless resisted, they augur a drunken husband, against which every young woman is solemnly bound to protect herself and prospective children, by marrying only those who are strictly temper- ate, even downright abstinent. Yodng men are too hot-blooded any- how ever to need alcoholic stimulants of any kind. Besides, occasional drinking is so almost certain to eventuate in drunkenness, that no woman is justified in running so great a risk. Moreover, if “ woe to him that putteth the cup to his neighbor’s lips,” how much more to put it to the lips of own children , both by example and entailment ? What temptations equal those which are hereditary ? Those who become drunkards from habit or association are much more easily and permanently reformed than innate drinkers. A constitutional alcoholic hankering is unquenchable. Though it may be resisted for a time, yet, like the burning coal-pit, it still smold- ers in the deep recesses of their souls, perpetually fevering them, and waiting only some slight temptation to renew its consumption of both body and soul together. Most pitiable that drunkard ! Perpetually haunted by hankerings within and temptations without ! Yet doubly to be commiserated, those whose hankerings are constitutional! What can make amends for such an entailed thirst? The wealth of India? No, not all worldly goods superadded ! But those who entail this hankering deserve the perpetual execration of their descendants. And also the curses of the community, though only moderate drinkers. Leave your children poor, if you must, but at least leave them temper- ate by nature, nor “bring down your own gray hairs in sorrow to the grave” by entailing this alcoholic hankering. Young woman, to curse yourself by accepting a tippling lover, the precursor of a drunken husband, is indeed awful ! But to be obliged to behold this liquor- THE MARRIAGE OF COUSINS. 265 loving stream flowing on to generations yet unborn, widening and deepening as it descends, breaking out here and there as it Rows on, perhaps sweeping your very name and race from the earth, is indeed woe unutterable and agony indescribable. Then inscribe among your marital conditions, “ Total abstinence or no husbands lest in mar- rying even moderate drinkers, you endanger not only blighting your own affections, but also seeing your sons, otherwise your pride and support, hopelessly ruined — thus redoubling the indescribable misery of having a drunken husband, in this far deeper agony of besotted sons. Even those who escape are less intellectual and moral, and more cross- grained and animal than if their parents had been temperate. u But, the adoption by all women of this anti-tobacco and alcoholic rule would leave half our young men unmarriageable, and women old maids ! ;? Instead, it would reform all. Young men instinctively adapt them- selves to the tastes of young women, as well as women to those of men. Hence, as long as she permits or winks at smoking and drink- ing, or herself occasionally sips wine, gentlemen will smoke, smoke like coal-pits, and drink, drink like fish. But let her frown on drink- ing and smoking, and masculine gallantry will induce all men, young and old, to do and become Ci anything to please the ladies. This beautiful feature in masculine character not only gives the female sex perfect control over the habits of men, but also enables any individual woman to fashion the habits of her particular admirer as she pleases. And a similar conformity of woman to man gives him a like control over female habits in general, and the special habits of his wife in particular; of which, however, in Part III. Still, if a girl can love a young man in spite of these habits, let her do so and bide the consequences. Yet should she not do her utmost, by winning ways and affectionate persuasion, to obviate them ? And that man who really loves a given woman will cheerfully forego almost any cherished habits or pleasures for her sake — will, in case he loves her well enough to marry her, cheerfully abandon chewing, smoking, and stimulants, lest he become obnoxious to her. Nor in her delectable society merely, but permanently. Nor is he either a true masculine, lover, or even gentleman, who persists in any habit or practice loathsome to the woman he loves; for genuine manliness instinctively promotes, not infringes, on the happiness of the other sex in general and his own loved one in particular. 65. THE MARRIAGE OF COUSINS Is most objectionable. Not because interdicted by Bible or legal 12 266 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. statute, but inherently. Nature interdicts it by its almost universal deterioration of its offspring. Not but that it produces some fine specimens of humanity, but that they are generally deformed, or in- sane, or else far below the average parental standard — sufficient at least to warn one and all not to incur so great a hazard. Mark the following from the Superintendent of the Kentucky Deaf and Dumb Asylum. From ten to twelve per cent, of our deaf mutes are the children of cousins. Those marriages are a violation of the law of nature, as is evinced by the afflictions visited in almost every case on their offspring, in deafness, blindness, or idiocy. And the com- monwealth has a clear right to protect itself against these ill-starred matches, whose off- spring it is frequently obliged to sustain for life. By prohibiting marriages of this kind, and giving proper attention to infants laboring under these diseases, the number of deaf mutes might be diminished one half in a generation. “ Hereditary Descent ” details well-nigh a thousand similar facts, of which the follow- ing is a condensed synopsis — all the children of cousins. “ One child is clump-footed, another has but one eye, and all three are simple, small, and have heads shaped like a flat-iron.” “One daughter, nearly idiotic.” “Five girls, two blind cripples, and almost idiots— one quite so.” “ Three unable to walk.” “ Only one child, and that deaf and dumb.” “ Joints lapped, and utterly helpless.” “ Ten children, all fools.” “ All under mediocrity.” “ Three daughters deranged, the rest feeble, and very nerv- ous.” “Four men married cousins, and each had a foolish child, and all their children below par.” “ In twenty families, not one of ordinary capacity.” Five blind ; three heavy minded ; one an idiot; two feeble aud irritable; one with diseased eyes; some clump-footed, others wry-necked, etc. “ One a loathsome idiot ; two foolish ; two weak ; one simple and lame ; one fair, but always unfortunate.” “ Many children, all crippled, none can walk.” “ Only son, an idiot.” “ Several died idiots.” “ Only one having common sense.” “Three deaf and dumb.” “Two blind.” “One small head and causality, as well as sluggish.” “All lame or disjointed.” “Four helpless.” “Two large but hydrocephalic.” “Six idiots, and one mute.” Three mutes, and two more mute idiots.” “ Two albinos.” “ Two deaf and dumb.” “ Two deaf, dumb, and blind.” “ Two natural fools.” “ Three hermaphrodites.” “ Three natural fools, too low to eat.” “Dwarfs, though smart.” “Two small-headed idiots, unable to feed themselves.” “ Dwarfed and wry-necked, though talented.” “ Only daughter, a deformed cripple.” The world is full of like products of cousins. We once heard a man curse his parents enough to chill the blood, because, by marrying cousins, they had entailed upon him the care of a lunatic brother, be- si . rendering him almost frantic. Be forewarned not to endanger a like curse from a like source. When each takes after the parent, through whom they are not re- lated, their children are less liable to be deficient or deformed than when they resemble those through whom they are related. Hence, in cases of intense love, where neither party resembles their relationship, their children may escape. Let all, by spreading light on this sub- ject, aid in preventing such lamentable results. 66. IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE IN AGE. Though up to twenty-jive those who propose marriage should be about the same age , 33 yet a difference of even fifteen years, after the IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE IN AGE. 267 youngest is twenty-eight, need not prevent a marriage, when everything else is favorable. But a man of forty-five may marry a woman of twenty-six or upward much more safely than a man of thirty a girl below twenty; because her natural coyness requires more delicate treatment than he is likely to give. He is apt to err fundamentally by presupposing that her mental sexuality is as mature as his own. Yet, while we stoutly protest against a man upward of forty marrying a girl below twenty, yet a man of fifty may venture to marry a woman of twenty-five, possibly twenty-two. provided ) however, he is descended from a long-lived ancestry. Still, no girl under twenty should ever marry any man over twenty-six, or twenty-eight at farthest. Besides our main reason for this opinion, which will be given in Volume II., the love of an old man for a girl is more parental than conjugal ; while hers for him is like that of a daughter for a father, rather than wife for husband; i. e., he loves her as a pet girl, and therefore as his inferior, instead of as a woman, and is compelled to look down upon her as inexperienced, far below him in judgment, too much a creature of impulse, and even unwise ; which obliges him to make too many allowances to be compatible with a genuine union . 56 She, too, is com- pelled to look up to him more as an old man, to be reverenced, per- haps feared — as more good and wise — than companionable. Their ideas and feelings must necessarily be dissimilar. He may indeed pet, flatter, indulge her as he would a grown daughter, and appreciate her artless innocence and girlish light-heartedness; yet all this is not genuine masculine and feminine love. Nor is it possible for her to exert over him the influence every man requires from his wife. Besides, does it not strike beholders as incongruous to see a gray- headed husband gallanting a girlish wife? And it is quite as incon- gruous as it seems to be. For her to assume that same juvenile girl- ishness and gayety so natural to youth, while he is as dignified and high toned as becomes all elderly men, is a little like uniting Fall with Spring. More. All girls should laugh, play, and be juvenile. This has been already shown . 39 An elderly husband might not want to go to as many parties as his girl-wife. Of course she must stifle her love of company, or else be escorted by a younger, perhaps therefore more sympathizing beau, who must play the agreeable, whisper pleasant things, or perhaps expressions of love in her willing ear — and she must prefer the young beau — and is quite liable to love her husband rather as a father, but another as a lover. At least those elderly men who marry young girls must not scan too closely — must keep only half an eye only half open, and see little even with that half. Not that 268 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. : r their young consorts are faithless, but that they are subject to temptation. And she, too. must look one of these two alternatives fairly in the face— either to impart to him of her own life stamina to sustain him longer than he would otherwise have lived, while she dies propor- tionally the sooner, or else see him die long before her, only to break her heart in case a genuine love exists, or else be obliged to transfer that love to another — from either of which she may well pray to be delivered. Yet there are cases in which girls may marry their seniors. One of seventeen fell desperately in love with her teacher of forty-two. Repelled by her cold, stern father, and denied the society of young men, yet her innate love of the masculine being strong, it must of course perish, or else find some object. Her teacher, an excellent man, without one thought of thereby eliciting her love — nor would he if her father had been affectionate to her — kindly aided her in her studies, especially arithmetic, which masculine kindness, to which she was unused, called forth her love for him, on whom it fastened with perfect desperation. Both parties consulted me, and were answered, u the main objection to their marriage lies on her side. But to break her heart by preventing their marriage will do her far more injury than marrying her senior. Therefore, let them marry.” Still, these are isolated cases. Still, better that elderly men marry youngerly women than young men elderly women, because paternity continues later in life than maternity. Circumstances may justify the marriage of a youngerly man to an elderly woman. We once knew a wild, injudicious, im- prudent youth of twenty-two, who needed the influence of a mother united with that of a wife, to marry a widow of thirty-six, who lived very happily together — she uniting maternal with conjugal affections. An elderly woman possessing superior natural excellences may com- pensate for her age by her superiority; but for a young man to marry an elderly woman’s wealth, and long for her death that he may enjoy her money, u caps the climax” of crime . 58 Still, an artful woman who knows just how to play on the susceptible feelings of a young man, may so ingratiate herself into his affections that, as in the case of the teacher and the girl just mentioned, their marriage is best for him. Yet, after all, the great question is, can a right love be established between them? For this is the determining point. Love should ever he held sacred, irrespective of ages, circumstances, position, every- thing. NORMAL AND ABNORMAL STATES. 269 67. NORMAL AND ABNORMAL STATES. Original character is often one thing, but its daily manifestations quite another. Everything can be perverted. And, in general, the better anything is, the worse it becomes when perverted. Or thus : all functions have a dual action — the normal, or natural and right; and the abnormal, or perverted, reversed, and therefore wrong and sinful. Of this abnormality, some experience comparatively little, others a great deal. In some it perverts only special functions, while in others it extends to nearly all. We have already frequently alluded to various forms of this perversion, yet its great practical importance requires its more emphatical exposition as a per se condition. The dif- ference between health and disease, dyspepsia and good digestion, sound and diseased nerves, etc., illustrates this abnormal condition in its physical aspect. But these different states affect the mental functions most, and pervert them still more fundamentally. We have already exemplified this perversion in Conscientiousness . 62 It reverses all the mental faculties in a similar manner. Thus, while normal Combat- iveness renders one bold, resolute, courageous, and forcible, when ab- normalized it engenders spleen, irritability, repulsion, and hatred. Normal Cautiousness provides against threatening evils, but when abnormalized it produces fear, trepidation, flustration, and all the ter- rors of fright, along with that desperation which increases additional danger, and like a run-away horse, dashes and smashes, not because of any real danger, but from sheer fright. Normal Approbativeness puts on a pretty, winning, persuasive cast of manners, while the same organ, abnormalized, creates cold, proud, vain, supercilious airs, along with a disagreeable affectation ; and, when reversed by reproach, reverses all the other faculties. The difference between normal and abnormal Amativeness is seen by comparing 6 with 45 46 . But for further analysis of these two opposite conditions, we must refer the reader elsewhere, simply remarking that normality is always pleas- urable to the subject and attractive to beholders, while abnormality is always painful to the former and repulsive to the latter. The practical difference, therefore, is heaven- wide between a conjugal com- panion thus normal, and therefore always happy and agreeable, or abnormal, and therefore miserable and repellant. These states may be readily deciphered from even a slight knowl- edge of the phrenological analysis of the mental faculties, as compared with their daily manifestations in any given one. And this point is very much more important than can well be imagined, or than we have time to describe. Indeed, insanity, with all its horrors, is but 270 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. this same abnormal condition conjoined with excessive action, while every mental excellence and beauty of every human being is conse- quent on this normal action of some faculty. Yet whether one’s faculties take on this normal or abnormal phase of action depends much on the states of the health ; 56 for all abnormal physical conditions abnormalize the mental functions. Hence the dis- agreeableness, hatefulness, even sinfulness of children and also adults just unwell enough to be always in a fret, as well as their attractive- ness and happiness when healthy. Yet the fact that persons are in a normal or abnormal state, by no means proves that they must always remain so ; for both states are easily interchangeable. Hence it is that many a man and woman, so ex- cessively happy themselves and delightful to one another during court- ship, often become most hateful and so totally different in every aspect that one could hardly realize that they were the same beings, after being soured by an unhappy state of love. They are the same beings, only thoroughly demoralized. They have the same phrenological de- velopments and form of face and body, but are hardly more like them- selves originally, than Satan is like a saint . 35 And many a husband and wife are thoroughly dissatisfied with each other, not at all be- cause of any inherent differences between them, or hateful ness in the companion hated, but because of the abnormal state of one or both. And more likely the trouble lies with the hating than the hated; for those in this state are dissatisfied with everybody, and make the worst of everything, instead of the best, and by their own reversed feelings reverse those around them, besides taking everything in the cross- grained manner. And now please mark, and with emphasis, that love, in its normal state, is the great normalizer of all the other functions, but in its ab- normal state, the abnormalizer and perverter of all. Marry one how- ever pleasant when in a right state of love, by reversing that love you reverse the whole character. But let one be however reversed, by eliciting a right state of the affections you re-establish their former mode of the delightful manifestation of all their faculties. Even the health depends, as already seen, much on this same normal state of the affections . 8 9 That is, when a normal state previously exists, love will perpetuate that normality; but when khe faculties have be- come reversed, they can easily be brought back by a right state of the affections. Hence right management after marriage can generally be made to obviate this objectionable condition, whereas conjugal aliena- tion is certain to induce it, and thereby engender mutual repulsions. A sweet breath is peculiarly significant of this normality, besides SUDDEN LOVE AND MARRIAGE. 271 being most desirable in itself, while a bad one indicates abnormality, besides being really very objectionable. But this depends mainly upon the state of the health, and especially stomach, teeth included. The breath is therefore, peculiarly significant both ways. 68. SUDDEN LOVE AND MARRIAGE. u Marry in haste, and repent at leisure / 7 is one of those trite sayings taught by the largest experience. And to be respected. Not that sudden love can not be genuine, but that it is extremely liable to be passional and personal, unless it is absolutely the first on both sides. Those who have been kept back from company, and love till their love sentiment has acquired considerable force, may fall suddenly in love with a suitable object. Especially if their first-sight love is mutual and mental , this phase of love is one of its most sacred forms, and by all means to be respected. But all sudden love, if not mutual, is most objectionable, or if on only one side. Especially if accompanied with certain wild, excitable desperation. The hottest love is soonest cold . 77 And this is doubly true when it fastens mainly on beauty, or personal charms, and if consummated, its objects are indeed to be pitied. On no account should the loved party consent to a hasty mar- riage : and the less the more importunate. Yet when sudden love is mutual, genuine, and appertains to the minds of both parties, its mere suddenness is no objection. But true love fastens on merit. Hence, though a sudden instinct may sudden perceive and as suddenly love this merit, yet a true love should begin like the opening day, and increase wfith years. Few of nature’s ope- rations are sudden, except lightning, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, something destructive. Her summer lingers in the lap of spring, and u *fall in that of summer . 77 Yet sudden love need not and should not be followed by a hasty marriage, for its suddenness renders it deserving the more thorough scrutiny till its genuineness is placed beyond a doubt, before its final consummation in marriage. The more sudden it is, the more delib- erate should be the marriage. And the more impatient of delay, the more to be suspected, for the more it evinces that its origin is ani- mal. Genuine love is content to be reciprocated, without demanding immediate marriage. Much more worthy every way that love which, unlike Jonah 7 s gourd, takes time to establish itself. For i: early ripe, early to decay , 77 expresses a natural law quite as applicable to love as to everything else in nature. But, after all, its purity is the main thing. In that case its suddenness furnishes no ground for its rejec- tion, but only for its thorough scrutiny. 272 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. 69. A VIGOROUS AND NORMAL SEXUALITY. Every natural production, marriage included, has. must have, some one staminate constituent, some absolute indispensability — that which is to it what foundation is to house, spinal column to osseous system, diadem jewel to crown, oxygen to air, head to body, and sun to solar system. Of course this principle applies to marriage. Then pray what is this, its sine qua non ? Sexuality, normal and abundant. This, and this alone, embodies that masculinity in man which both loves the feminine, and awakens love in return, as well as that femininity in woman which both loves masculine character, and also renders herself lovely thereto. Since love is the one natural and paramount constituent of the conjugal and parental relations , 5 6 7 and since this sexuality is the only element which either loves or elicits love , 4 5 6 therefore the more of this entity husband and wife possess, the more loving and lovely do they thereby become. Not that other human talents and virtues do not also con- tribute to love, but that this alone is paramount — that focal center around which all other marital constituents revolve. Since love can act only between those of opposite sexes, because only there can it find a base for action , 6 therefore the more of this sexuality its subjects possess, the more they naturally blend, fuse, and become one; but the less in proportion as it is the weaker. This alone embodies whatever is manly in man and womanly in woman; alone inspirits and is in- spirited, molds and is molded, loves and awakens love. She in whom it is weak neither influences husband much, nor is much influenced by him. Their mutual feelings and relations become proportionally human instead of conjugal, because unsexed . 4 Hence, since woman alone can eliminate masculine character , 52 a husband’s talents, how- ever great, must remain comparatively dormant in case his wife is poorly sexed, unless evolved by other female influences ; whereas, when her sexuality is abundant, and both love each other, she will render him twice or thrice the man he could be rendered by one poorly sexed. Hence, also, those men who have risen in the world have either mar- ried — at least been under the influence of — some superior woman. Per contra , a well-sexed man will make twice or thrice the woman out of a given girl she could be rendered by one poorly sexed. All other conjugal qualities sink into insignificance when com- pared with this, for it is the summing up of all, and likewise their embodiment — that which is to all what lime is to mortar, or tendon to muscle. Be it that a matrimonial candidate is crude and illiterate, as well as homely, yet how much manhood has he, should be a woman’s A VIGOROUS AND NORMAL SEXUALITY. 273 first practical inquiry touching her beau, and its answer should mainly determine her choice. Has he a masculine intellect and soul , as well as body ? That is, how much of a man is he ? And so, likewise, he who would select a wife should inquire both as to a given female candidate and as to sev- eral in comparison with each other, how much of the feminine has this one or that, both individually, and as compared with each other ? That is, how much of a woman is she? And which is the most? How much genuine female influence, both to develop me, and to help me develop myself, can this one or that wield over me ? How much will she mold and inspirit me ? How much love is she capable of ex- periencing and eliciting? How much female style , taste, and soul has she ? Plain questions these, but core ones. Nor can our subject be at all comprehended without thus going to its very rootlets, and re- solving it back to its first principles. And this sexual element is the more important because, besides loving and awakening love, it also confers life , and likewise determines how much humanity, in proportion to the amount possessed, this or that prospective parent will transmit. 6 Yet the amount of this sexual entity is by no means all. Whether its state is normal or abnormal, 67 is almost equally important. True, better possessed, thpugh perverted, than deficient, for, like all other functions, it can be sanctified more easily than reincreased. Yet infi- nitely better if both hearty and pure. Still, the other party has much control over this matter — at least can guide and purify much easier than educe. Hence, the old adage, 11 reformed rakes make the best husbands,” because this element, strong, though perverted, has become re-normalized. And a knowing woman can always reform this ele- ment in the man who loves her. So can a husband that of his loving wife. Nevertheless, its perversion is a grievous fault, unless it can be re-normalized. Would that conjugal partners knew the art both of correcting its every action, and managing each other by means of this great helm of conjugality. Lest we be misunderstood, we repeat, yet hardly need to, that this sexuality appertains even more to mind than person. 4 6 6 Be it therefore known, 0 man and woman in search of a conjugal mate, that this sexuality is the one great base and measure of both love and conjugal companionship, as well as parentage. With this you have “ the one thing needful*’ in marriage, but lacking in this you lack in all. 66 By. means of this all other differences can readily be adjusted, though unadjustable without it. Those in whom this starn- inate condition is all right” maybe very dissimilar in other respects, ] 9 * 274 GENERAL MARITAL QUALIFICATIONS. yet can live together happily in spite of a world of faults, whereas, without this, all their excellences will amount to little. But this is only drawing from a deep fountain from which we have had, and shall still have, frequent occasion to draw largely. Then, in the name of all the absolute and relative importance of this element, what are its signs ? How can it be recognized and ad- measured ? How may we know how much of it this one possesses, or that one lacks? How determine its amount and state? Important questions — and easily answered. For its signs are quite as apparent and infallible as those of justice, reason, mechanism, memory, or any other human capacity. Yet to attempt to point them out here would both take us too far out of our direct line of thought, besides antici- pating the legitimate subject-matter assigned to Yol. II., in which this and many other like questions will be answered thoroughly, besides showing exactly what in woman man likes, and woman in man, and why. And this what from its why. These general marital qualities might be indefinitely amplified, yet with these illustrations by way of putting inquirers on the right track, each and all can pursue them as far and in whatever direction they please. Still, none should either accept or neglect this or that one on account of minor defects or excellences, but select the grea^st aggregate good. Thus, one may have a minor flaw coupled with an excellency which increases the eligibility far more than a score of such faults would detract therefrom. True, all should select the greatest available good, for by the importance of a perfect love, is it important that its object be the most lovely attainable. Yet, again, our own standard of judgment may be erroneous, so that we may u call evil good, and good evil.” All should choose the best they can, and then be satis- fied with that choice. Moreover, you are now simply selecting materials , not results, and require, not a conjugal partner already to your liking, but one out of which can he made what you can love — not so much what is as can become , 96 General heartiness or tameness, energy or passivity, a whole- souled interest in whatever interests at all, or a good easy make, and a right hearty shake of the hand or its mere tender, and all other like signs and functions, should be thrown into one common matrimonial equation, and general and specific results deciphered therefrom. DUTY OF PARENTS TO THEIR OFFSPRING. 275 SECTION VII. SPECIFIC CONJUGAL ADAPTATIONS; OR WHO CAN AND CAN NOT, LOVE WHOM? AND WHY? “ What is one’s meat, is another’s poison.” 70. DUTY OF PARENTS TO ENDOW THEIR OFFSPRING HEREDITARILY. Man owes certain obligations to his fellow-man and his God — duties imposed upon him along with his being itself, and by virtue of its verv tenor. It is right, is incumbent on each and all, that they fulfill promises, relieve distress, worship God, etc. But some of these duties are jmramount. others only secondary. Yet of all the obligations one human being owes, can owe, to another, those due from parents to their children take precedence. Thus, A owes B five dollars ; and though he has the money with which to pay he also has a sick or starving child. Now which duty is first — to pay B with this money, op save his child ? Is not his obligation to save his darling child a hundred-fold more obligatory than to pay B ? Na- ture says to every parent, in both the softest tones of parental love, and the loudest thunders of divine command, il Care for your children first” c ' He that provideth not for his own household is worse than an infidel. To argue this point is supererogatory. But, is it your solemn duty to care for your children when sick, and is it not a prior duty to prevent their becoming sick, as far as lies in your power? And the younger they are, the more imperative this duty of prevention. Hence, that to them before their birth far exceeds that after; on the principle that duty to infants exceeds that to those grown up. Are you not far more guilty for laying a train of causes before their birth sure to render them poor, weakly, puling mortals, than for neglecting them if sick, after? You recognize your post-natal duty feed, house, educate, clothe, train, and nurse them, but wholly ign