CONUNDRUMS 1 GATHERED AND ARRANGED S S S S S S BY SARAH J. CUHER. Return this book on or before the Latest Date stamped below. University of Illinois Library Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2017 with funding from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Alternates https://archive.org/details/conundrumsriddleOOcutt Conundrums, Riddles, Puzzles and Games GATHERED AND ARRANGED BY SARAH J. CUTTER. Thackery says that “a good laugh is sunshine in the house.’' THIRTEENTH THOUSAND.— REVISED AND ENLARGED EDITION. PUBLISHED BY rlAUSAUER & SON, BUFEALO, N. Y. 1902. Copyright, 1894 and 1896, BY SARAH J. CUTTER. CONTENTS- Over one thousand (1000) Conundrums, which are a selection of Biblical, Poetical, on Flowers, Geo. Washington, Authors and General Conundrums. PAGE. General Conundrums 1-46 Riddles 47-55 Poetical 47-51 Out of the Past 52 Fish Pond 53 Flowers and Shrubs 54 : Authors 56 Jj, Military 57 ■ Geo. Washington 59 r Puzzles 60-61 Bewitched Eggs 60 A Poultry Problem 61 . ; j - GAMES. : Scripture Cake 62 Conundrum Entertainment 62 Conundrum Salad 62 ^ Conundrum Supper — Menu 63 Art Soiree 64 ^ Character Guessing 65 . Dumb Crambo 66 aV. Proverbs 66 , Topics 67 Palmistry 68 Telegrams 6^ Hollo ween Parties 70 Thanksgiving Daye Frolick 71 A Riley Entertainment 72 Fortune-Telling Doll 73 Musical Whist 74 Fagot Party 75 Song Soiree 75 Progressive Needles 75 A Peanut Party 76 A Penny Entertainment 76 Silhouettes 77 Riddle on Thoughts 77 Floral Salad 78 Floral Parties 78 Floral Game 80 Fortunes of Players 81 Anagrams 81 Story in Anagrams 82 Chronograms 83 A Circulating Libraiy Party.... 83 An Old Mother Goose Progressive Euchre Party 85 Famous Numbers 85 Six Original Forfeits for a Part}^ 86 Concert Comical 86 A Surjjrise Game 86 Game of Quotations 87 Hoiu|uet Game 88 The Curtailed Pig 88 A Quotation Menu 81) A Winter Tour Tln-ongh the United Slates 00 An Autumn Social 03 An Autumn Pienie 01- Tally-Ho Bezique 95 Recipes for Trouble 96 Teacup Science 97 Geographical Reception 98 Conundrums on Authors 99 Shadow Pictures 99 A Father’s Advice 100 A Progressive Bicycle Picnic 101 An Auction Sale 103 How to Tell One’s Age 104 Enigma 105 Sorcery 106 Eatable Candle-Ends 106 The Diviner 106 GeNeRAt; CONONDHOiVlS. The conundrum is one of the most favored forms of amusement for the social circle; the answer to this style of riddle generally contains a pun, and the merriment occasioned can be better imagined than described. What is that every one thinks of in telling a riddle, and every one thinks of on hearing it ? Ans. — The answer. Why is a shoe-black like an editor? Ans. — Because he polishes the understanding of his patrons. How can a man make his money go a long waj^ ? Ans. — By contributing to foreign missions. During the month of heavy showers, how has the umbrella been per- sistently bluffing the game? Ans.^ — It has been “ put up or .shut up with it all the while. Why is a young man visiting his sweetheart like the growth of a suc- cessful newspaper ? Ans.— His visits eommenced on a weekly, grew to be tri-weekly, and then become dail3% with a Sunday supplement. What did Job’s wardrobe consist of? Ans. — Three wretched com- forters. How does the postage-stamp have the advantage of the small boy? Ans. — It can never be licked but once. Who handles more letters in a da^^ than one of Uncle Sam’s post- emplo^^ees ? Ans. — A typesetter. Which do you consider the greatest miraele mentioned in the Bible ? Ans. — Where a mustard seed sprung up and waxed a great tree. What is the difference between a eoat and a coat of paint? Ans. — A coat of paint has no buttons on it. When is a cigar like dried beef? Ans. — When it Is smoked. Which are the two smallest things mentioned In the Bible ? Ans. — The widow’s mite, and the wicked flee. In the year 1894. — If all the Presidents of the United States were to stand in a row, how far would they reaeh? Ans. — From Washington to Cleveland. 2 CONUNDRUMS. When the new Postmaster-General takes possession of his office, — how many stamps will be given at the post-office for a cent and a quarter? Ans. — A cent and a quarter is twenty-six cents, therefore you would have thirteen two-cent stamps. Who first introduced salt meat into the navy? Ans. — Noah, when he took Ham into the ark. What evidence have we that Adam used sugar ? Ans. — Because he raised Cain. What is there remarkable about a yard-stick ? Ans. — Though it has no head or tail, it has a foot at each end and one in the middle. What is the difference between truth and eggs ? Ans. — Truth crushed to the earth will rise again, eggs won’t. What is financial circles ? Ans. — Silver dollars. Why does the air seem fresher in winter than it does in summer ? Ans. — Because it’s kept on ice most of the time. Why are fish well educated? Ans. — They have a taste for going in schools. Why does a pig eat ? Ans. — To make a hog of himself. Why is a cyclone like a waiter ? Ans. — It carries everything before it. What is the difference between the Prince of Wales and a bombshell ? Ans. — One is heir to the throne, and the other is thrown to the air. Why is the North Pole like an illicit whisky manufactory ? Ans. — It is a secret still. What is it used at luncheons that the government accumulates in the treasur}^ ? Ans. — Bouillon. Why is the letter S like thunder? Ans. — It makes our cream sour cream. Why is a door in the potential mood? Ans. — It’s would (wood) or should be. Why is a tin can tied to a dog’s tail like death? Ans. — Because it’s bound to a cur, (occur). What makes the waves so wild? Ans. — It is having the wind blow them up. Why arc records brittle things ? Ans. — Because they cannot be lowered without breaking. CONUNDRUMS. 3 What was the name of the dog mentioned in the Bible ? Ans. — More- over, Luke XXI., 21. Moreover, the dog, came and licked his sores. Why is the emblem of the United States more enduring than that of France, England, Ireland, or Scotland ? Ans. — ’ The Lily maty fade and its leaves decay. The Rose from its stem may sever. The Shamrock and Thistle may pass away, But the Stars will shine forever. Why is it dangerous to keep a clock at the head of a pair of stairs ? Ans. — Because it sometimes runs down. Why should architects make good actors ? Ans. — Because they are fine at drawing houses. In what respect is matrimony a game of cards ? Ans. — Why, a woman has a heart, a man takes it with a diamond, and after that her hand is his. Why are hogs like trees ? Ans. — Because they root for a living. Why is a villain exposed like a tallow candle ? Ans. — Because his wicked works are brought to light. Why is a plumber like a pelican ? Ans. — On account of the size of his bill. Why are fixed stars like wicked old men? Ans. — Because they sin till late (scintillate). What word of six letters contains six words besides itself, without transposing a letter? Ans. — Herein — he, her, here, ere, rein, in. When may a man be said to belong to the vegetable kingdom ? Ans. — When long experience has made him sage. Why was the first day of Adam’s life the longest ? Ans. — Because he had no Eve. Why is the coat worn by a weather-beaten tramp like “insomnia?” Ans. — Because it hasn’t had a nap in ten years. What sort of a face does an auctioneer like best ? Ans. — One that is for- bidding. What is the name of the plant most fatal to mice ? Ans. — Cat-nip. Why is a rope-walker’s pole like the integrity of Turkey ? Ans. — Because the former is the balance of his rope, and the latter is the balance of your rope (Europe). 4 CONUNDRUMS. When is a fruit stalk like a good swimmer? Ans. — When it stems the currant. Why does B stand before C ? Ans. — Because a man must B before he can C. What sort of smile does the victor wear ? Ans, — A winning smile. Why is an aristocratic seminary for young ladies like a flower garden ? Ans. — Because it is a place of haughty culture (horticulture). Why is the letter S like a pert repartee ? Ans. — Because it begins and ends in sauciness. Why is a balloonist greatly to be envied ? Ans. — Because he rises rap- idly in the world and has excellent prospects. When is a house like a bird ? Ans. — When it has wings. What happened to the son of William Tell when using his bow ? Ans. — He had an ’arrow (narrow) escape. How can hunters find their game in the woods? Ans. — By listening to the bark of the trees. How many persons can a deaf and dumb man tickle? Ans. — He can ges-tickle-eight (gesticulate). What subject can be made light of? Ans. — Gas. How can you make an army fly? Ans. — Break its wings. In organizing a military company, what is the first thing to do? Ans. — “Order arms.” How can one get along in the world ? Ans. — Walk. Why is a real estate man not a man of words? Ans. — Because he is a man of deeds. Why is a man thinking of his mother’s slippers, when he handles the lines behind a fine, well-matched pair of horses ? Ans. — Because they are such a spanking pair. Why is too much champagne and whisky like the flowers that bloom in the Spring? Ans.— Because they make the nose-gay (nosegay). When is a piece of wood like a queen ? Ans. — When it is made into a ruler. What snuff-taker is that whose box gets fuller the more pinches he takes ? Ans. — The candle-snuffer. CONUNDRUMS. 5 When is a river like a young lady’s letter ? Ans. — ^When it is crossed. I owe my birth to a German, and I am now one of the greatest powers in the world, still I am content to be useful in the house. Sailors used to detest me, but at present I believe they value me as much as landsmen do. Ans. — The press. I partake alike in your joy, your sorrow, and your home would not be home without me. Ans. — Letter O. Pray find a word, if you are able, that will produce a chair and table ? Ans. — Char-i-table (chair, table). A crown which was the pride of Ancient Rome, whichever way it is read, it is the same. Ans. — Civic. ' When may a man’s pocket be empty and yet have something in it ? Ans. — When it has a hole in it. Which is the merriest sauce ? Ans. — Caper sauce. Which is the easier profession, a doctor’s or a clergyman’s ? Ans. — A clergyman ; he preaches, the doctor practices. What word of four syllables represents Sin riding on a little animal ? Ans. — Sin-on-a-mouse (synonymous) . When does a cook break the game law ? Ans. — When she poaches eggs. What precious stone is like the entrance to a garden ? Ans. — A-gate. What is the last blow a defeated ship gives in battle ? Ans. — Striking its own flag. Why is the Bank of England like a thrush ? Ans. — Because it often changes its notes. Why is an Englishman eating breakfast like a ghost up a tree? Ans.— • Because he’s a goblin’ up the ’ash (hash). Why is a hen far more liberal minded than the sun? Ans. — The sun never sets except in the West, but a hen will set anywhere. Why is the leading horse in a wagon-team like the acceptor of a bill? Ans. — Because he’s the end horse sir (endorser). What way of showing wrath has the tea-kettle? Ans. — It sings sweet- est when it is hottest. Why is a Zulu belle like a prophet of old? Ans. — She has not much on’er ill her o^vn country 6 CONTINDRUMS. What is the most powerful monarch? Ans. — Principle. Why is high tariff like a pair of overalls? Ans. — Because it protects the laboring man. How did the sandwiches (sand which is) on the Desert get there ? Ans. — Noah brought Ham, and his dccendants bread and mustard (bred and mustered). What is more wonderful than a horse that can count ? Ans. — A spell- ing bee. How many peas are there in a pint ? Ans. — One P. Why is a star like an old barn ? Ans. — Because r-a-t-s are found in both. How many apples did Adam and Eve eat ? Ans.— Eve 8-1 Adam 8-1-2, — total 893. Another solution, Eve 8-1-4 Adam, Adam 8-1-2-4 Eve, total, 8,938. Still another : If Eve 8-1-4 Adam, Adam 8-1-2-4-2 keep Eve com- pany, total, 82,056. When Homer called the sea “barren, ’’ why did it illustrate the age in which he lived ? Ans.— Because it was before Cecrops (sea crops). Why is a man just put in prison like a boat full of water? Ans. — Because he requires bailing out. If a well-known animal you behead. Another one you will have instead. Ans. — Fox (f-ox). Why is a mirror like a very ungrateful friend? Ans. — Because, although you may load his back with silver he will reflect on you. Why is the figure 9 like a peacock? Ans. — Because it is nothing (0) without a tail. Use me well and Pm everybody; scratch my back and I’m nobody. Ans. — A looking glass. What is the difference between a clock and a bankrupt? Ans. — One goes right on when you wind it up, the other does not go on after it is wound up. Why is a threadbare garment like a man who was up late at the ball? Ans. — Because both look worn out when they lose their nap. Why may we suppose that a tiger is not without affection? Ans. — Because he is very much attached to his pa (paw) and ma (maw). With what do the mermaids tic up their hair? Ans. — With a marine I and. CONUNDRUMS. 7 j Why does a bay horse never pay toll? Ans. — Because his master pays it for him. Why is the woodman’s ax an inconsistent weapon? Ans. — Because, first it cuts a tree down and then cuts it up. Who are the fare sex? Ans. — Street-car conductors What is the highest form of organic life? Ans. — The man in the moon. What bat flies without wings? Ans. — A brickbat. Why do the Spaniards want Admiral Dewey’s picture on their postage stamps ? Ans. — Because its the only way they can lick him. Why is a tramp like white flannel ? Ans. — Because he shrinks from washing. What is there remarkable about a bee ? Ans. — Why, ordinarily it has but little to say, yet generally carries its point. W’hy should there be a marine law against whispering ? Ans. — Because it is privateering (private hearing) and consequently illegal. What should a baker of bread be? Ans. — He kneads (needs) to be well bread (bred). Why was Samson the greatest dramatic actor that ever lived ? Ans. — Because no man ever brought down the house as he did. How many days are there in a year ? Ans. — “ 325, ” because the other 40 are Lent. What are the “ Lays of Spring ? ” Ans. — Fresh eggs. What did the managing editor say when the horticultural editor said he had cultivated hot-house lilac bushes that attained a height of over fifty feet ? Ans. — I wish I could lilac (lie like) that. What is it that is queer about flowers ? Ans. — They shoot before they have pistils. How many insects does it take to make a landlord ? Ans. — Ten-ants (tenants). When is a skein of thread like the root of an oak ? Ans. — When it is full of knots. Why is a college student like a thermometer ? Ans. — Because he is grad- uated and marked by degrees. What is that which always goes v/ith its head downwards? Ans. — A nail in your shoe. 8 CONUNDRUMS. Which would the farmer raft'cr see, his farm covered with snow or with mortgages? Ans. — With snow, for there is more moisture to the former, though more due (dew) on the latter. What city is drawn more frequently than any other? Ans. — Cork. Why is blackberry jam like counterfeit money ? Ans. — Because it is not current (currant). When was beef-tea first introduced into England ? Ans. — When Henry VIII; dissolved the Pope’s bull. What is the difference between a sentence and a cat ? Ans. — One has its pause at the end of its clause, and the other its claws at the end of its paws. What four letters of the alphabet would frighten a thief? Ans. — O I C U. (oh ! I see you). When is a boat like a heap of snow ? Ans. — When it is adrift. Two letters often tempt mankind, And those who yield will surely find Two others ready to enforce The punishment that comes of course? Ans. — XS and DK (excess and decay). What bird is low spirited ? Ans. — The blue bird. What bird is rude ? Ans. — The mocking bird. What birds move in the highest circles ? Ans. — Eagles. Why is copper the most harmless of metals ? Ans. — Because it is always in-a-cent (innocent). Why are seeds like gate posts ? Ans. — Because they prop-a-gate. What is the difference between a horse that is entered for a race and withdrawn, and one that starts in a race and is beaten ? Ans. — One fails to start, and the other starts to fail. What is the greatest affliction that can befall a fish ? Ans.— Why, it is to be taken insane (in .seine). What river is the coldest ? Ans. — The Isis (ice is). How does a boy look if you hurt him ? Ans. — It makes him yell “ Oh ! ” (yellow). Why should a poor salesman be ])ut in the hands of a potter? Ans.— Because he is very poor clay and should be fired. CONUNDRUMS. 9 Who are the two kings that reign in America ? Ans. — Smo-king and soa-king. Is there any bird that can sing the “ Lays of Ancient Rome ? Ans.— Yes, they are Macaw-lays (macaulays). When is a tourist in Ireland like a donkey ? Ans. — When he is going to Bray. Why are greenbacks like the Jews> Ans. — Because they are the issue of Abraham. Where is the first banking transaction mentioned in the Bible ? Ans. — When the Egyptians received a check on the bank of the Red Sea and Moses crossed it. How do you know when night is nigh ? Ans. — When thet (tea) is taken away. What did Ruth do to offend Boas ? Ans. — She pulled his ears and trod on his corn. Why is the world like a slate ? Ans. — Because the children of men do multiply thereon. ^ What vegetable gives employment to some women and is the dread of all ? Ans. — Spinage (spin-age) . Who was the most successful financier mentioned in the Bible ? Ans.— Noah, because he floated a limited company when all the rest of the world was in liquidation. When is a spoon like a pretty girl ? Ans.— When it is interesting (in- tea-resting). What does the sun do when it sets ? Ans. — Makes a night of it. Why does a maltese cat rest better in summer than in winter ? Ans. — Because summer brings the caterpillar (cat-a-pillow). Why do the recriminations of a married couple resemble the sound of the waves on the sea-shore ? Ans. — Because they are the murmurs of the tide (tied). Why is Russia like a fox.^ Ans.— It got Hungary and wanted Turkey. Why is an acquitted prisoner like a gun ? Ans. — Because he has been charged, taken up and let off. What notes compose the most favorite tunes, and how many tunes do they compose ? Ans. — Bank notes, they make (four) for-tunes. 10 CONUNDRUMS. When was beef the highest? Ans. — When the cow jumped over the moon. What is the difference between one yard and two yards? Ans. — A fence. Why is life the greatest of riddles ? Ans. — Because we must all give it up. What animals are always seen at funerals ? Ans. — Bfaek kids What grows the less tired the more it works ? Ans. — A carriage wheel. Why do chimneys smoke ? Ans. — Because they cannot chew. Why is a hen immortal ? Ans. — Because her son never sets. Why is a balky horse called a plug ? Ans. — Because he is a stopper. When is a ship most happy ? Ans. — When she rests on the bosom of a swell. What is it which wRlhe yesterday and was to-morrow ? Ans. — To-day, of course. What domestic article represents a pillar of Greece. Ans. — A candle. Why do they not wish any of our apples in Spain ? Ans. — Because they are afraid there will be Northern Spies among them. Why are geese impostors? Ans. — Because there are a great many quacks among them. Why is a blind man apt to be an idiot ? Ans. — The old adage says, out of sight, out of mind. What is a country seat ? Ans. — A milking stool. Why is a young man who marries a boarding house keeper’s daughter like a barrel of soft soap on board of a ship? Ans. — Because he has a soft thing on board. What is the difference between a pretty girl and an apple ? Ans. — The apple you squeeze to get cider, and the pretty girl you get side-her to squeeze. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Ans. — Because it is the vscentcr. When did Ca?sar first go to the Irish ? Ans. — When he crossed the Rhine and went back to bridge it, (Bridget.) What great surgical operation docs the manufacturing of maple sugar remind you of? Trepanning, (tree-panning.) CONUNDRUMS. 11 When does the rain become too familiar to a lady ? Ans. — When it ^ begins to pat-her (patter) on the back. Why is Satan always a gentleman? Ans. — Because being the imp of darkness he can never be imp-o-light. How did Henry YHI. differ from other men as a suitor? Ans. — He married his wives first and axed them afterwards. Why was Goliath surprised when he was struck by a stone ? Ans.— Because such a thing had never entered his head before. Why may carpenters reasonably believe there is no such thing as stone ? Ans. — Because they never saw it. When is paper money first mentioned in the Bible? Ans. — When the dove brought the green back to the ark. Why Is a man who makes pens very wicked ? Ans. — He makes peoj)le steel pens and then says they do write. What is the most difficult train to catch ? Ans. — The 12:50, because It is “ten to one” if you catch it. Why does a man’s hair turn gray sooner than his moustache ? Ans.— Because it is about twenty-one years older. Why is a widow like a gardener? Ans. — Because she tries to get rid of her weeds. How is it that the Queen is a poor gentlewoman ? Ans. — She possesses only one crown. Why is a jolly dog like our country? Ans. — Because he is a merry cur, (America). Why is a fighting cat like a surgeon? Ans. — They both mew-til-late, (mutilate). Where should you prefer to have a boil ? Ans. — In the kettle. Who was the first convict ? Ans. — Adam, he was condemned to hard labor for life. What medicine is a cross dog fond of? Ans. — Bark and wine, (whine). Why is a book like a tree ? Ans. — Because it is full of leaves. How many fathers has a man ? Ans. — Nine. His father, his godfather, his father-in-law, his two grandfathers, and his fore (four) fathers. When does a farmer act with great rudeness towards his corn ? Ans.— When he pulls its ears. >c> 12 CONUNDRUMS. Why is a man without whiskers impudent ? Ans. — Because he is bare- faced. When is the moon like a. sovereign fresh from the mint ? Ans. — When it is new and bright. Why is a man who is fond of his cigars like a tallow candle ? Ans. — Because he will smoke when he is going out. Why is an old man like a window? Ans. — He is full of pains, (panes). Why is a cry-baby’s mouth like a tavern door? Ans. — Its always open. Why are real friends like ghosts ? Ans. — Because they are heard of often, but seldom seen. When is a dog’s tail not a dog’s tail? Ans. — When it is a-wagon, (wagging). Why is the letter D like a sailor ? Ans.— Because it follows the C, (sea). Unable to think, unable to speak, yet tells the truth to all the world. Ans. — A balance, or pair of scales. Two N N, two O O a D and an L, what noted place do these letters spell ? Ans. — London. When is a door not a door ? Ans.— When it is a-jar. What is it that we value more than life, fear more than death, the rich man wants it, the poor man has it, the miser spends it, the spendthrift keeps it, and when we die we take it with us ? Ans. — Nothing. What instance is given in the Bible where five slept in one bed ? Ans. — Where Abraham slept with his forefathers. Where did Noah strike the first nail in the ark ? Ans. — On its head. If a fender and fire-irons cost three pounds, what will a ton of coal come to ? Ans. — To ashes. Why is Athens like a candlewick ? Ans. — Because it is in the midst of Greece, (grease). Where can even the miserable alway find sympathy? Ans. — In the dictionary. Why is an egg like a colt ? Ans. — Because it is of little use until it is broken. What part of London is a lame man ? Ans. — Cripplegate, (cripple-gait). Which state is round at each end and high in the middle ? Ans. — Ohio. CONUNDRUMS. 13 Why is a beehive like a spectator? Ans. — Because it is a beebolder, (beholder). What is it that we see every day, God never saw and never will s<«e, and Paul seldom saw ? Ans. — God never saw his equal, Paul seldom saw his, and we see ours every day. Why is the eagle such a swell ? Ans. — He is “ well feathered ” and a high fl\"er. Where should the American eagle sit in a theatre ? Ans. — In the bald- head row. On what tree do babies grow and thrive ? Ans.— Infantree. What is it in salt which never had a name ? Ans. — Lot’s wife. When is a chimnev not a chimney ? Ans. — When it is a little foul, (fowl). What is the latest thing in dresvses ? Ans. — Night-dresses. What moral lesson does a weather-cock teach ? Ans. — It is a vane to a-spirc. What is that which goes from Boston to Providence without once moving ? Ans. — The railroad. What relation is that child to its own father who is not its father’s own son ? Ans. — Daughter. A burden fatigues him, and yet he does not carry it. Ans. — A rower with a laden boat. Narrow gulf and long promontories, each terminated by a rocky plateau. Ans. — The fingers. Traveling over the country like a king, he yet visits each 3^ear the most humble hut. Ans. — Christmas. How do we know the fair Queen of day has a lover? Ans. — She is always followed by a night, (knight). Why is a woman like the telegraph? Ans. — Because she is always in advance of the mail intelligence. If Richard Jones were milking a cow too quickly, what ancient name would that animal mention? Ans. — Milk-easy-Dick, (Melchisedek). Wh}^ should railroad companies never employ astronomical engineers? Ans. — Because they telescope their trains. How do we know that nightingales are sports? Ans. — Because the}! have a high time after dark. 14 CONUNDRUMS. I went into the woods and caught it, I sat down to look for it, and then 1 went home with it because I could not find it ? Ans. — A sliver. In a beautiful garden sat a beautiful maiden, the very first day of her life she became a bride, and she died before she was born ; now tell what is her name ? Ans. — Eve — in the garden of Eden. Why is a man who has nothing but his illustrious ancestry to boast of, like a potato ? Ans. — The only good belonging to him is under ground. Why would it be hard on ministers to preach without notes ? Ans. — Because their families would suffer without the greenbacks. Born at the same time as the world, destined to live as long as the world, and yet never five weeks old. Ans. — The moon. Why is a rooster sitting on a fence like a penny? Ans. — Because it’s head on one side and tail the other side. What word is there of five letters that by taking away two leaves but one? Ans. — stone. Why can’t a man starve to death in the Desert of Sahara? Ans.— Because of the sand-which-is-there, (Sandwiches there). Why is an elephant like a man going to a country house on a visit? Ans. — Because he carries his trunk with him. Why is the letter G like the sun ? Ans. — It is the centre of light. What belongs to yourself, and yet is used by everybody more than yourself? Ans. — Your name. Why is woman churning, like a caterpillar? Ans. — She makes the but- ter-fly. Why is the nail fast in the wall like an old man ? Ans. — Because he is infirm. Why is St. Paul like a white horse ? Ans. — Because they both love Tim- othy. Why is a mad man like two men ? Ans. — Because he is a man beside himself. Why are fixed stars like pens, ink and paper? Ans. — Because they are stationery (stationary). What is that which a carriage cannot move without and yet is not of any use to it? Ans.— Noise. On which side of the church docs the yew-tree grow ? Ans. — Outsi(^ CONUNDRUMS. 15 What object Is it that is lower with a head than without one? Ans. — A pillow. Why is a cherry like a book ? Ans. — Becanse it is red, (read). What is everything doing at the same time ? Ans. — Growing older. Why is grass like a mouse? Ans. — Because the cat’l eat it, (cattle eat it). Who is that great man who is allowed to sit before the Queen with his hat on ? Ans. — The coachman. Why does a schoolmaster resemble the eye ? Ans. — He has a pupil under the lash. Why is the letter N like a pig? Ans.^ — Because it makes a-sty nasty. What is that which lives in the winter, dies in the summer and grows with its roots upward.^ Ans. — An icicle. What is that which Bonaparte never saw, but which a common man sees every day? Ans. — His equal. Where was Oliver Cromwell going in his last moments ? Ans. — Going to die. What is the weight of the moon ? Ans. — Four quarters. What is the difference between a dog’s tail and a rich man ? Ans.— One keeps a waggin, and the other keeps a carriage. Why is a sheet of writing paper like a lazy dog? Ans. — A sheet of writ- ing paper is ink-lined plain and an inclined plane is a slope up, (slow pup.) Why does a sailor know there’s a man in the moon? Ans.— He has been to sea. What is the greatest surgical operation on record ? Ans. — Lansing, Michigan. What bridge is waN-ranted to support any strain ? Ans. — The bridge of a fiddle. Why does an aeronaut dislike the ascent ? Ans. — It is generally a soar point with him. What is the difference between an Irishman frozen to death and a highlander on a mountain-peak in January ? Ans. — One is kilt with the cold, the other cold with the kilt. Why does the mariner need a great deal of sand? ©covers the 16 CONUNDRUMS. What is the difference between a farmer and a bottle of whisky ? Ans.^ One husbands the corn and the other corns the husband. What is it that is a cat and not a cat, and yet is a cat ? Ans. — A kitten. What burns to keep a secret ? Ans. — Sealing-wax. W’hy is anger like a potato ? Ans. — It shoots from the eye. When you open a window in a railway train, what is the first thing to catch 3^our eye ? Ans. — A cinder. Why is a book like a king? Ans. — Because it has many pages. Wh^^ is a nobleman like a book ? Ans. — Because he has a title. What is that which has a mouth but never speaks, and a bed but never lies in it ? Ans. — A river. Why is a pair of skates like an apple ? Ans. — Because they have occa- sioned the fall of man. When does a cow become real estate? Ans. — When she is turned into a field. What ship contains more people than the Great Eastern”? Ans. — Courtship. What ailment is the oak most subject to ? Ans. — A-corn (acorn). What is the key note to good manners ? Ans. — B natural. What tree bears the most fruit to market ? Ans. — The axle tree. How is it that trees can put on new dresses without opening their trunks ? Ans. — Because they leave out their summer clothing. What are the two most wonderful things on record ? Ans.— Why, to see a cat-fish and a rope-walk. What does an extravagant young man do with his vacation ? Ans.— He spends his vacation as soon as he earns it. What do you call a boy who eats all the melons he can get, whether they are green or old ? Ans. — He is what we call a pains-taking urchin. What two animals carried the least into the ark ? Ans. — The fox and the cock, because the\' carried only a brush and comb between them. What is the difference between a very fascinating young lady and her watch ? Ans. — The watch makes one remember the hours, and the \'Oung ladv makes one forget them. Which is heavier, the full or the new moon? Ans. — The new moon: because the full moon is a great deal lighter. CONUNDRUMS, 17 What roof coversthemost noisy politician ? Ans. — The roof of the mouth. What cord is that which is full of knots, which no one can untie, and in which no one can tie ? Ans. — A cord of wood. Why is a spendthrift, with regard to his fortune, like the water in a filter? Ans. — Because he soon runs through it and leaves many matters be- hind to settle. Why are ships passing in and out of the harbor like the human race ? Ans. — Because some tow (toe) out and some tow (toe) in. Why are teeth like verbs ? Ans. — Because they are regular, irregular and defective. What is the difference between a hill and a pill ? Ans. — One is hard to get up, the other is hard to get down. What is the difference between the wreck of a bank and the wreck of a ship ? Ans. — One is caused by the presence of rocks, the other by the scarcity of rocks. Why does a freight car need no locomotive? Ans. — The freight makes the car-go. What is the difference in value between a bride and bridegroom ? Ans. — One is always given away, the other is sometimes sold. Why is a market like a love letter? Ans. — Because they both contain tender-lines, (loins.) What lake is a hill in disguise ? Ans. — Lake Champlain. Why is a person playing blind-man’s buff like benevolence? Ans. — It is a fellow feeling for a fellow being. Why is a four quart jar like a lady’s side-saddle? Ans. — Because it holds a gal-on, (gallon.) When is a lady’s hair like the latest news? Ans. — When its in the papers. Why is a kiss like a rumor? Ans.— Because it goes from mouth to mouth. Why were the Jews of old like bad debts? Ans.-- Because they killed the prophets, (profits.) Why is a vain voung lady like a confirmed drunkard? Ans. — Because neither of them are satisfied with a moderate use of the glass. Why is a ward political speaker like a turkey*? Ans. — Because he is sometimes stuffed with chestnuts. 18 CONUNDRUMS. When may a base ball nine say its cake is all dough ? ” Ans.— When it does not have a good batter. When is a noted woman like bread ? Ans.—When given as a toast. What killed Joan of Arc ? Ans.— Too much hot stake. What should be put up for a rainy day? Ans— An umbrella. Wh 3 ^ is buttermilk like something that never happened? Ans.— Because it hasn’t a curd, (occurred). What is most like a hen stealing? Ans.— A cockrobbing, (cock-robin). Why is it better to lose an arm than a leg? Ans. — Because by losing a leg 3 'ou lose something to boot. What is the difference between the Sahara desert and a pewter image of Satan? Ans. — One is a dead level and the other is a dead devil. Why are lawyers the most intemperate people? Ans. — Because they are continually practicing at the bar. What is it, which, the men that made it don’t need it, the man that buys it don’t use it for himself, and the person that uses it don’t know it? Ans. — A coffin. What is the sharpest instrument mentioned in the Bible? Ans. — The acts (axe) of the Apostles. What is that which was born without a soul, lived and got a soul, but died without a soul? Ans. — The whale that swallowed Jonah. Why are spiders good correspondents? Ans. — Because they drop a line by every post, and at every house. Why is a duel quickly managed? Ans. — Because it takes only two seconds to arrange it. Why is asparagus like most sermons? Ans. — Because it is the end of it that people enjoy most. Which is the oddest fellow, the one who asks a question, or the one who answers? Ans. — The one who asks, because he is the queriest. Why is Gibraltcr one of the most wonderful places in the world? Ans. — Because it’s always on the rock, but never moves. Why is the steeple of St. Paul’s church like Ireland? Ans.— Because there is a bell fast (Belfast) in it. What is a civil war? Ans. — A French duel. CONUNDRUMS. 19 What is political economy? Ans. — Splitting your vote. Why is a wagon load of bananas like the setting sun? Ans. — Because always a day goes (dago’s) with it. When may a musician be excused for not keeping time? Ans, — When he can make his hearers forget time. When is a doctor most annoyed? Ans. — When he is out of patients. When are gloves unsalable? Ans. — When they are kept on hand. Why is a billiard-maker like a stage prompter? Ans. — Because he gives the players the cue. When is a theatrical manager like an astronomer? Ans. — When he dis- covers a new star. Where can one find the best winter quarters? Ans. — Between two fires. Why should not the groom forget the plain circlet of gold when going to his own wedding? Ans. — Because a ring of the church bells will not answer as a substitute. Why do you always make a mistake when you put on your slipper? Ans. — Because you put your foot in it. What is a remarkable fact when a Chinese actor loses his head? Ans. — He is pretty sure to lose his cue at the same time. What darkness is it that can be felt? Ans. — A black derby hat. What was the motto of the whale that swallowed Jonah? Ans. — Small profits and quick returns. What is a good thing to part with? Ans. — A comb. What is best to make the Indian corn (corn’s) grow? Ans. — Tight moccasins. Why is a portrait like a member of Congress? Ans. — Because it is a representative. How long did Cain hate his brother? Ans. — As long as he was Abel. What object gives more milk than a cow? Ans. — The milk-man and the milk-wagon. What is it in all human nature that is perfect, yet has but one foot? Ans. — A leg. What does an envelope say when it is licked? Ans. — It just shuts up and says nothing about it. CONUNDRUMS. 20 When daybreaks, what becomes of the ])ieees? Ans. — They ^o into mourning, (morning). What becomes of the chocolate cake when your only son eats it? Ans. — It vanishes into the empty heir, (air.) When is it dangerous to enter a church? Ans. — When there is a great gun in the pulpit, or a canon in the reading desk. Why are bells used to call people to church? Ans. — Because they have an in-spire-ring influence. Why is love always represented as a child? Ans. — Because he never reaches the age of discretion. When does a caterpillar improve in morals? Ans. — When it turns over a new leaf. Why is an ear of corn a good listener? Ans. — Because it is attentive to the corn’s talk, (corn-stalk.) Why is a young man like a kernel of corn? Ans. — Because he turns white when he pops — the question. When is a fast young man nearest heaven? Ans. — When on a lark. How do we know that the wagons had no sides at the time of Jacob? Ans. — Because when Joseph sent for his father he cautioned his brother not to fall out by the way. Why is a pig a paradox? Ans. — Because it is killed first and cured after- ward. Why is a specimen of extra fine handwriting like a dead pig? Ans. — Because it is done with the pen. Why is the blush of modesty like a little girl? Ans. — Because it becomes a woman. What is the difference between an engine-driver and a schoolmaster? Ans. — One minds the train, the other trains the mind. A lady asked a gentleman how old he was? He answered, m3" age is what you do in everything? Ans. — Excel, (XL.) How can you distinguish a fashionable man from a tired dog? Ans. — One wears an entire costume and the other simjily jiants. Why is love like a potato? Ans. — Because it .shoots from the eyes, and gets less by jiairing, (paring.) CONUNDRUMS, 21 What Islands would form a dainty and cheerful luncheon for a party? Ans. — Sandwich and Madeira. What is that which we all ean eat, and often drink, though it some- times is a woman and often a man? Ans. — We eat toast and drink a toast. What is the difference between a corrupt city official and a church bell? Ans. — One steals from the people, and the other peals from the steeple. When is longhand quicker and more accurate than shorthand? Ans. — When it is on a clock. What is the best food for dyspeptic people? Ans. — Oysters; beeausethey die-just (digest) before they are eaten. What trade should one follow in order to cut a figure in the world? Ans. — A sculptor. Why did the Highlanders do most execution at Waterloo? Ans. — Because every man had one kilt before the battle began. When does water resemble a gymnast? Ans. — When it makes a spring. Why is fashionable soeiety like a warming-pan? Ans. — Because it is highly polished but very hollow, What is society composed of? Ans. — A mixture of mister-ies and miss- eries. What wind do we naturally look for after Bent? Ans. — An Eastcr-ly one. Why are heavy showers like heavy drinkers ? Ans. — Because they usually begin with little drops. What is the differenee between the Mormon’s religion and their wives? Ans. — Their religion is singular, but their wives are plural. Why do tailors make very ardent lovers? Ans. — Because they press their suits. Why is a young man in love like a knocker? Ans. — Because he is bound to adore, (a door.) Why is a list of celebrated musical composers like a saucepan? Ans. — Because it is ineomplete without a Handel. In what colored Ink should we write our secrets? Ans. — In violet, (inviolate.) Why is a doctor never seasick? Ans. — Because he is used to see sickness. 22 CONUNDRUMS. What one thing is it which neither allopathist nor homeopathist can cure, or upon which they can pronounce an opinion? Ans. — It is, what cures dislike. What are the most marvelous of the world’s wonders on record? Ans. — The man who ate his dinner with the fork of a river, and then tried to spin a mountain top. Why are misfortunes like borrowed umbrellas? Ans. — Because they are more care-lessly carried. When is water a coward? Ans. — When it runs. How can a man with no wings be said to be “ winged ” in an “ affair of honor?” Ans. — Because in going out to fight a duel he makes a goose of himself. What is the most difficult lock to pick? Ans. — One from a bald-head. What is the dog-star pronounced to be? Ans.— A sky-terrier. In what place are two heads better than one? Ans. — In a barrel. How do little fish have a proper idea of business? Ans. — Not being able to do better, they start on a small scale. Whom did Robinson Crusoe meet on the desert island? Ans. — A great swell and a little cove running inland. Why were two canaries named “Wheeler” and “Wilson?” Ans. — Because neither one nor the other was a “ Singer.” Why is chloroform like Mendelssohn? Ans. — Because it is one of the great composers of modern times. How can a man be constantly up to the time o’day and yet never carry a watch? Ans. — Because he always wears stockings with “clocks” on them. When is a dog most like a human being? Ans. — When he is between a man and a boy. Why do agricultural laborers leave the farms? Ans. — Because a farm is a cumbrous and inconvenient thing for them to take along with them. What key opens the penitentiary for a dissipated man ? Ans. — Whis-key . When do dogs most resemble cards? Ans. — When they belong to a pack. What is a natural slave f Ans. — The serf of the sea. What bird is in season all the season, and extra when necessary ? Ans. — The weathcr-cock. CONUNDRUMS, A Kniglit went on a pleasure trip to Jerusalem. He had a severe attack of colic. Where and when did he have the attack ? Ans. — In the middle of the Knight (night). How can a thin person get fat ? Ans. — By going to the butcher and buying it by the pound. You have often heard the remark “I have a frog in my throat” — where does the frog come from ? Ans. — From the crick (creek) in the back. Have you heard the story about the empty box ? Ans. — When one says “No, I have not ” then answer : Nothing in it. Have you heard the story about the egg and the coffee? Ans. — That settles it. Have you heard the story about the three eggs ? Ans. — Too (two) bad. How does the bicycle affect the person who is learning to ride it ? Ans. — It puts him in touch with the whole earth. If a man were born in England, educated in France, then moved to Canada and lived and died in Montreal, what would he be. Ans. — He would be a dead man. Why may we suppose that poets consume gas. Ans. — Because they have a metre. Why do so many people like to borrow trouble ? Ans. — Because they are never asked to return it. If thirty-two is the freezing point, what is the squeezing point ? Ans. — Two in the shade. How should a ship be decorated for a funeral ? Ans. — Loosen the shrouds and ask the chap-lain to give the deck-oration. Why is a man sailing up the Tirgris like a son putting his father in a sack ? Ans. — He is going to bag dad (Bagdad). Why can’t a man marry his widow’s sister ? Ans. — Because he is dead. Why is a solar eclipse like a mother beating her boy ? Ans.— Because it is the hiding of the son. Why is old ocean so apt to lash himsclfinto fury ? Ans.— Because he is so often crosses!. Why should a man who marries a widow be bound to give up his smok- ng ? Ans. — If she gives her weeds for him he should give up his weeds for her. CONUNDRUMS. The following conundrum which was placed in a country church in the north west of England is over two hundred years old. The letters are inscribed on a stone tablet placed immediately above the Ten Command- ments and are deciphered with only one letter : P. R. S. V. R. Y. P. R. F. C. T. M. N. V. R. K. P. T. 11. S. P. R. C. P. T. vS. T. N. Ans. — The letter E. “ Persevere ye perfect men, Ever keep these percepts ten.” Four animals went to the circus (tickets were $1.00 each). There was a rabbit, a duck, a frog and a skunk. Only three were admitted, which were the three and how did they get in ? Ans. — First came the rabbit, with his four quarters and he was admitted ; the duck prCvSented his bill; and the frog went in with a greenback; but they refused to admit the skunk as he had only a scent (cent) and that was a bad one. Why would the Spaniards like to have Admiral Dewey’s picture on their postage stamps ? Ans. — Because that is the only way they could lick him. Why is it that the “Goddess of Liberty” in the New York Harbor is never lonesome. Ans. — Because she has so many bouys (boys) and swells around her. Why is she so cold ? Ans. — Because she has only a Jersey to her back. With whom does a man have to cc npete, who raises Manx cats without tails, on a wholesale plan ? Ans. — The firm who has a retail branch. The following original riddle is by Christopher L. Ward, and is deciph- ered by two words following each other . “ When you seek a harder question To unriddle, your suggestion, I am sure, itself suggests its answer plain. It has puzzled many sages Of many lands and ages. But no doubt you will not tackle it in vain. Ans. — It will be seen that by taking the first letter of the first line, the second of the next, and so on for five lines, the word “woman” is made. Then follow after “woman” by taking the second letter on the first line, the third letter on the second line, the fourth letter on the third line, and so on for five lines and you will find the word “ hussy.” It reads “woman hussy.” CONUNDRUMS. 23 What are the most patient objects in the shape of humanity ? Ans. — Statues. Who are the men that have made their mark ? Ans. — Those who can’t write. What melancholy fact is there about a calender ? Ans. — There’s no time when its days are not numbered. What is the only pane of which everyone makes light ? Ans. — A window pane. Two Spaniards went up in a balloon, the balloon burst, what nation- ality would they be when coming down ? Ans. — One came down a Russian (rushing), the other caught on a telegraph wire and came down a Pole. Why didn’t the Government keep Sampson’s squadron at Key West? Ans. — Because Uncle Sam couldn’t afford to keep the navy on Florida water. A man on top of a tower, which was sixty feet high, had with him a goose and a rope six feet long, how did the man get down ? Ans. — He got downe from the goose. What did the whale gain in the little transaction between him and Jonah ? Ans. — The whale got all the prophet. When time flies, what does the orchestra leader do ? Ans. — He stands still and beats time. What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the begin- ning of every end, and the end of every place ? Ans. — The letter E. If your uncle’s sister is not your aunt, what relation is she to you ? Ans. — Your mother. Why is a postman like a college professor? Ans.— Because he is a man of letters. Why should potatoes grow better than any other vegetable ? Ans.— Because they have eyes to see what they are doing. From whence proceeds the eloquence of an American lawyer ? Ans. — From his mouth. When is coffee like the soil ? Ans. — When it is ground. What is that which increases the more it is shared by others ? Ans.— Happiness. At what time by the clock is a pun most effective? Ans.— When it strikes one. 24 CONUNDRUMS. Why is the Ohio river like a drunken man ? Ans. — Beeause it takes in too mueh Monongahela at Pittsburg, runs past Wheeling, gets a Lieking past Cineinnati, and falls below Louisville. Whieh was the first “triek horse ” on record ? Ans. — The wooden one in which the Greeks entered troy. Why is the letter R indispensable to friendship? Ans. — Because without it your friends would be fiends. What odd number when beheaded will become even ? Ans. — Seven. What method is the best to keep moths out of old clothing? Ans. — It is recommended to give the clothing to the poor. How many brains has a hog? Ans. — A hogs-head full. When may a man be said to breakfast before he gets up ? Ans. — When he takes a roll in bed. Why was Pharaoh’s daughter like a banker ? Ans. — Because she got a little prophet (profit) from the rushes on the bank. What is the difference between an oak tree and a leopard’s tail ? Ans. — One is rooted to the spot, and the other is spotted to the root. When could the Briti.sh Empire be purchased for the lowest sum ? Ans.— When Richard, the Third, offered his kingdom for a horse. How would it work if all the postoffices were in charge of women ? Ans. — It would work so well that the males would arrive and depart every hour in the day. Give a good definition of a button. Ans. — A small affair that is always coming off. How many wives does the prayer book allow you ? Ans. — Sixteen, for (four) better, for (four) worse, for (four) richer, for (four) poorer. Why is it hard to tell the politics of the man in the moon ? Ans. — Because sometimes the moon is wet, and sometimes it’s dry. Then, again, it is periodically full. Why are a person’s eyes like friends separated by the ocean ? Ans. — Because they correspond but never meet. Why are pipes .such humbugs? Ans. — Because the best of them are mere shams, (meerschaums.) A man remarks, looking at a portrait, “uncles and brothers have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’’ What relation is the origi- nal of the portrait to the speaker? Ans. — His son. CONUNDRUMS, 25 When is charity like a top ? Ans. — When it begins to hum. What table has no legs to stand upon ? Ans. — The multiplication table. Why are young men like telescopes ? Ans. — Because you can draw them out, see through them and shut them up again. What two playful animals has the human body ? A.ns. — Calves. Why is a dead hen better then a live one ? Ans. — Because she will lay wherever you put her. Why is music cheaper on Sunday than during the week ? Ans. — Because during the week you get it by the piece, and on Sunday you get it by the choir, (quire.) Why is a false friend like the letter P ? Ans. — Because, although first in pity, he is always last in help. Why is an empty purse expressive of constancy ? Ans. — Because you find no change in it. Why is a good speller of a spelling match like a glass of champagne ? Ans. — Because they both go to the head. What vegetables are dangerous in a ship and harmless on shore ? Ans. — Leeks, (leaks.) What was the parting salute of a runaway pig ? Ans. — Excuse haste and a bad pen. What trees has fire no effect upon ? Ans. — Ash trees, as when burned they’re ashes still. What is the most astonishing thing on a steamboat ? Ans. — A walking beam. Which is the most valuable, a five-dollar note or five gold dollars ? Ans. — The note ; because when you put it in your pocket you double it, and when you take it out again you see it in-creases. Why are dealers in glass-ware unlike all other dealers? Ans.— Because it won’t do for them to crack up their goods. Why is a true and faithful friend like garden seeds ? Ans. — Because you never know the value of either until they are put under the ground. Why is a plum pudding like the ocean ? Ans. — Because it contains many currants, '' What benefit can be derived from a paper of pins? Ans. — It will give you many good points. 26 CONUNDRUMS. When does the House of Representatives present one of the most ludicrous spectacles? Ans. — When its ayes (eyes) are on the one side, and its noes (nose) on the other. What ability has one who is quick at repartee? Ans. — A ^reat res])onsi- bility. Of what trade are all the Presidents of the United States? Ans. — Cabinet makers. Who was the fastest runner in the world? Ans. — Adam, because he was the first in the race. What kind of a cat do we generally find in a kirge library. Ans. — Cat-alogue. Why is a fair-haired doll like jelly? Ans. — Because its made with eyes- in-glass (isinglass.) What article that we wear is most affectionate? Ans. — A porous plaster, because it becomes very much attached to us. What are the lawyers’ degrees of comparison? Ans. — It is hard to get on, harder to get ’onner, (honor) hardest to get ’onnest (honest.) How many young ladies does it take to reach from New York to Philadelphia? Ans; — About one hundred because a miss is as good as a mile. Why can negroes be safely trusted with a secret ? Ans. — Because they are sure to keep dark. Why are pianos noble characters ? Ans. — Because they are grand, upright and square. At what game do the waves of the sea play? Ans. — At pitch and toss. If a woman were to change her sex what religion would she be of? Ans. — She would be a he’then (heathen.) What kin is the door-mat to the door? Ans. — A step-father, (a step farther.) Why is a lame dog like a school boy adding six and seven together ? Ans. — Because the dog puts down three and carries one. Why is a very demure young lady like a steamship ? Ans. — Because she pays no attention to the swells that follow her. Why is a chicken jhc like a gvmsmith’s shop ? Ans. — Because it contains a fowl-in ])icce. CONUNDRUMS, 27 Although great wealth is said to harden the heart, what is every millionaire sure to be ? Ans. — A capital fellow. What is a dark-horse ? Ans. — The night-mare. What is the fruit of finance ? Ans. — Currant coin. Who is a man of grit ? Ans. — A sugar refiner. Who is an inspector of customs ? Ans. — A fashion writer. Why is a coachman like the clouds ? Ans. — Beca,use he holds the reins. What did Adam first plant in the Garden of Eden ? Ans. — His foot. Why does the Salvation Army walk down Broadway on their heels ? Ans.— To save their soles, (souls.) Why is a cobbler’s shop like the world ? Ans. — Because it contains both good and holey (holy) soles, (souls.) What is the difference between a jailor and a watchmaker ? Ans. — One watches cells and the other sells watches. What is there about a house that seldom falls, but never hurts the occu- pant when it does ? Ans. — The rent. What should be looked into ? Ans. — The mirror. Who always enjoys poor health ? Ans. — The doctor. What pay did Pharaoh’s daughter get when she made baby-clothes for Moses ? Ans. — She made them for a very little prophet. Why is a good story like a church bell ? Ans.— Because it is often told, (tolled.) Why is your nose and chin always at variance ? Ans. — Because words are constantly passing between them. In what respect are truth and roses alike ? Ans. — They have thorns about them. Why is a proud woman like a music book ? Ans. — She is full of airs. Whose best works are most trampled on? Ans. — The shoemaker, because good shoes last longer than bad ones. Why is a jailor like a musician ? Ans. — Because he fingers the keys. Why are the stars the best astronomers ? Ans. — Because they have studded (studied) the heavens for years. What should be done with a squalling baby at church, and a good reso- lution ? Ans. — They should both be carried out. 28 CONUNDRUMS. Why is a beggar like a baker ? Ans. — They both need (knead) bread. Why was Noah, when in the Ark, like a disappointed rat caUdier V Ans. — Beeause it was forty days before he saw ere-a-rat, (Ararat). Why is an egg underdone like an egg overdone ? Ans. — They are both hardly done. Why is an orange like a synagogue? Ans. — Because it is full of Jews, (juice). Why is a tight boot like an oak tree ? Ans. — Because it produces a corn, (acorn). Why is a dressy young man arranging his cravat complacently before a glass the happiest man in creation ? Ans. — Because he is in love with him- self and has not a rival upon earth. After the battle of Leipsic, why did Bonaparte have plenty of funds? Ans. — Because he had received a check on the bank of the Elba. What is the difference between an old penny and a new dime? Ans. — Nine cents. What object goes round the house, and round the house, then round the garden and makes but one track ? Ans. — A wheelbarrow. What is the legislature, the judiciary and the executive to the United States? Ans. — The legislature is the heart of the State, the judiciary the brains, and the executive its head. Why are political orators very much like a great river ? Ans. — Because they are always the loudest and muddiest at the mouth. Why are clergymen like brakemen ? Ans. — Because they do a great deal of coupling. What is a sure sign of an early spring ? Ans. — It is a cat watching a hole in the wall with her back up. How can a lawyer help his client ? Ans.— When the client tells him the plain truth ; he could put in the lies himself. What is meant by lightning-bug piety ? Ans. — Bright while it lasts, but cold, and soon out. When is a dog counted mad ? Ans. — When he won’t take something to drink. Why arc convicts like packs of cards? Ans. — Because there is a knave in every suit. CONUNDRUMS, 29 What did a drunken man think when he slipped down on an icy side- walk? Ans. — He thought it very singular that the water always freezes with the slippery side up. What is the most startling of all transformations? Ans. — When a square man turns round when the time comes for him to pay his bills. Why is it difficult to flirt on mail steamers ? Ans. — Because all the mails (males) are tied up in bags. Why cannot a deaf man be legally convicted ? Ans. — Because it is unlawful to condemn a man without a hearing. Who is the oldest lunatic on record ? Ans. — Time out of mind. Why are ships like some fortunes ? Ans. — Because they are built on stocks. What is the Chinese Government after ? Ans. — More tails to its kite. Why is it nonsense to pretend that love is blind ? Ans. — Because you never knew a man in love that did not see ten times more in his sweetheart than others did. What is it which you break if you even name it ? Ans. — Silence. What is the political character of a water-wheel ? Ans. — Revolutionary. What is that will give a cold, cure a cold, and pay the doctor’s bill? Ans. — A draught, (draft). Why is the vowel 0 the only one sounded ? Ans. — Because all the others arc in audible. When has a man brown hands ? Ans. — When he is tand’em driving. What fish is most valued 1)3^ a younglad 3 ^ Ans. — Her-ring (engagement ring.) Why is an icy sidewalk like music ? Ai>s. — Because if vou don’t C sharp, \^ou will B flat. Why does a hen lay her eggs ? Ans. — Because if she would drop them, she would break them. What is the difference between the cradle and the grave ? Ans. — The one is for the first born, the other for the last bourne. What kind of swell luncheon would hardly be considered a grand affair? Ans. — A luncheon of dried apples and warm water, which is really a swell affair. 30 CONUNDRUMS, What Is that which Is lengthened by being cut at both ends? Ans. — A ditch. Why is Father Time like a fashionable young man ? Ans, — Because he travels by cycles, (bicycles). What is that which is too much for one, enough for two, but nothing at all for three ? Ans. — A secret. What things increase the more 3^ou contract them ? Ans. — Debts. Why is Asia like a market in Thanksgiving or Christmas week ? Ans. — There is always a Turkey in it. If you were to ride a donkey what fruit would you resemble ? Ans. — A pair. When is a newspaper like the blood of a healthy man ? Ans.—When it has a good circulation. What trade is certainly one in which a man will never make a cent except by sticking at it ? Ans. — Bill-posting. What is that from which the whole may be taken and yet some remain? Ans. — The word “wholesome.” Why IS twice ten like twice eleven ? Ans. — Because twice ten make twenty and twice eleven make twenty-two, (twent}^, too.) When should we read the book of Nature ? Ans, — When Autumn turns the leaves. What is that which denotes the state of the mind and of the body ? Ans. — The tongue. Why is early grass like a penknife? Ans. — Because the spring brings out the blades. When is a horse like a house ? Ans. — When he has blinds on. What was the difference between Noah’s Ark and Joan of Arc? Ans.— One was made of wood, the other was Maid of Orleans. When giving invitations to a dancing party, what single word will tell the hour to begin dancing? Ans. — At-ten-dance, (attendance.) When does a farmer double up a sheep without hurting it ? Ans. — When he folds it. Why is the Kmperor of Russia like a greedy schoolboy on Christmas day? Ans. — Because he’s confounded Ilung-a-ry and longs for Turkey. What must you add to IX to make it six. Ans. — The letter S. CONUNDRUMS. 31 What is the difference between an auction and sea-vsickness ? Ans. — One is the sale of effects, the other is the effects of the sail. Whj^ is it easy to force your way into an old man’s house ? Ans. — Because his gait (gate) is broken and his locks are few. What is the hardest tax to raise ? Ans. — “Carpet tacks,’’ (tax.) Why is a very amusing man like a bad shot ? Ans. — Because he keeps the game alive. What did Caesar die of? Ans. — Too many Roman punches. What is that which we often catch, yet never see ? Ans. — A passing remark. Which is the strongest day in the week ? Ans. — Sunday ; all the rest are week (weak) days. Why is Berlin the most dissipated city in Europe ? Ans. — Because it is always on the Spree, (the river so called.) Why can you be absolutely certain that a blacksmith is a horse ? Ans.— Because he is a horse, sure (horse-shoer) . What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a pig? Ans. — The man was assaulted with intent to kill. The pig was killed with intent to salt. Why are corn and potatoes like Chinese idols ? Ans. — Because they have ears but can’t hear, and eyes but can’t see. What color was the cruiser Maine when in the harbor at Havana ? Ans. — (Blue) blew from the bottom up. A Chinaman went into a hat store, while being fitted to a cap, what General and Admiral did they mention ? Ans.— Salesman— “Fitz Hugh Lee” (fits you Lee). Chinaman — “Dewey” (does it). Why is Queen Victoria like very wet weather ? Ans. — Because she reigns and reigns (rains) and does not give the son a chance. When a young man calls upon his sweetheart, what should he carry with him ? Ans. — Affection in his heart, perfection in his manners and con- fectionery in his pockets. What must all the letters of the alphabet be in order to possess infinite sagacity? Ans. — Wise, (y’s) yyur, yyub, icuryy for me. Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me. What did they find under the Maine (mane)? Ane. — A horse’s neck. 32 CONUNDRUMS. What kind of essence does a yoiin/T^ man like when he jx)ps the ques- tion ? Ans. — Acquiescence. Is there anything which no locomotive is heavy enough to drnw? Ans. — Yes, a train of thought. What are the two battering rams of good and evil ? Ans. — The tongue and pen. How can you make a tall man short ? Ans.—Try to borrow money of him. What is the difference between a life of leisure and a life of idleness ? Ans. — They are the same thing, only different titles. What is it that every man hath in his head ? Ans. — His cricket, which he makes sing as he pleases. Why should women make better firemen than men ? Ans. — Because they are accustomed to the use of longer hose. What did the blind man say to the policeman when he told him he would arrest him if he did not move on ? Ans. — “I’d just like to see you.” Why is the Mississippi the most eloquent of rivers ? Ans. — Because it has a dozen mouths. Why is a Chinaman never perplexed ? Ans. — Because no matter where he finds himself, he alwa^^s has his cue. What is the difference between a man and his boots ? Ans. — The boots get tight by imbibing water, but he doesn’t. In what respect are flowers and rich men alike ? Ans. — They both fling their wealth upon the vacant air, (heir). Why is snow like a maple tree ? Ans. — Because it leaves in the early spring. Why would a person not like to gaze on the Niagara forever? Ans. — Because they would always have a cataract in the eye. In law courts what relation are the judges, sergeants and counselors to each other ? Ans. — They are brothers — brothers-in-law. What is the longest word in the English language? Ans. — Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last letters. What is said to be the bone of contention ? Ans. — The jaw-bone. What is that which, supposing its greatest breadth to be four inches, length nine inches and dcj)th three inches, contains a solid foot ? Ans. — A shoe. CONUNDRUMS, 33 Why should the robins in their nests agree? Ans. — Because if they did not they would fall out. Why is a meerschaum pipe like a water-color artist? Ans. — Because it draws and colors beautifully. Why are conundrums and riddles like monkeys? Ans. — Because they are far fetched and full of nonsense. Why does a lady think her husband a Hercules? Ans. — Because he can’t get on without his “club.” What is it that is taken from a mine and shut up in a wooden case, from which it is never released, and yet it is used by everybod^^? Ans. — A lead pencil. What word taken either backward or forward, one-half will make a number, the other a snare? Ans. — Ten-net. Why is playing chess a better occupation than playing cards? Ans. — Because you play chess with two bishops and cards with four knaves. Why do men go out of the theatre? Ans. — Because some plays are so solemn that the men have to go out to smile. What is the difference between a long and a short yarn? Ans. — The difference of one’s feelings in holding a skein for one’s grandmother and one’s sweetheart. What does the husband do who misses a train he has promised his wife to return by? Ans. — “Catches it,” when he gets home. Why should Pope Leo XIII. be a very unlucky man? Ans. — Because he is alwaj^s the thirteenth at table. What is pitch chiefly used for in the United States? Ans. — For pitching tents. Why should the superintendent of a printing establishment be considered the best read man going? Ans. — Because there’s proof that he reads every hour of the day. Who is the man who invariably finds things dull? Ans. — The scissor- grinder. Why don’t foreign noblemen marry poor American girls as well as rich ones? Ans. — They have no principal, hence no interest, and without either a poor girl cannot bank account (a count). Why is Westminster Abby like an ash-pit? Ans. — Because it contains the ashes of the great, ^(grate). 34 CONUNDRUMS. Is there anything the man with a kodak can’t take ? Ans. — Yes; a hint. What is the greatest feat in the eating way, ever known ? Ans. — That recorded of a man who commenced by bolting a door, after which he threw up a window, and then sat down and swallowed a whole story. What does the agriculturist find by experience is the hardest thing to raise on a farm ? Ans. — The money to run it. Why are two T’s like hops ? Ans. — Because if put in the center of beer makes it better. What is the difference between the French pastry cook and a bill sticker? Ans. — One puffs up the paste, the other pastes up the puffs. What do lawyers do when they die ? Ans. — Lie still. Why is the Isthmus of Suez like the first U in cucumber ? Ans. — Because it is between two seas, (C’s.) If I were in the sun and you were out of it what would the sun become? Ans. — Sin. When is a thief like a reporter ? Ans. — When he takes notes. When was wit a father? Ans. — When a pun became apparent (a parent). Who was the unfortunate speculator? Ans.— Jonah, because he got sucked in. What did the seven wise men of Greece do when they met the sage of Hindoostan. Ans. — Eight saw sages (ate sausages). Why is the law like a flight of rockets? Ans. — Because there is great expense of powder, the cases are well got up, the reports are excellent, but the stocks are sure to come to the ground. Why is a proof-reader like a man sent to jail for drunkenness? Ans. — Because he serves in the house of correction. Why would an owl be offended at 3’our calling him a pheasant? Ans. — Because you would be making game of him. Why is a clergyman’s horse like a king? Ans. — Because he is guided by a minister. Why does the conductor cut a hole in your railroad ticket? Ans.— To let you pass through. What is that nobody wishes for, but if he has it he wants to gain it, and if he gains it he has it no more? Ans.— A lawsuit.* CONUNDRUMS. 35 Why are book-keepers like chickens? Ans. — Because they have to scratch for a living. What is the greatest eye sore in a farm yard? Ans. - A pig-sty. If a young lady who has a beautiful full blown rose should eat it leaf by leaf what would the rose resemble ? Ans. — A Rosette, (Rose-ate.) If you had to swallow a man what kind would you prefer? Ans. — A little London porter. What is better than God, worse than the devil, the dead live on, and the living would die if they lived on? Ans. — Nothing. Which is swifter, heat or cold? Ans. — Heat, because you can always catch cold. Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer? Ans. — Because he lies on one side, then turns around and lies on the other, and remains wide awake all the time. If all the women went to China, where would the men go? Ans. — To Pekin. When may bread be said to be alive? Ans. — When it has a little Indian in it. What is that which has neither flesh nor blood, yet has four fingers and a thumb? Ans. — A glove. Who were the shortest men spoken of in the Bible? Ans. — Nehemlah, (knee-high-miah), and Beldad the Shuhite, (shoe-height.) When was Napoleon First most shabbily dressed? Ans. — When out a^ Elba, (elbow.) How was Adam and Eve prevented from gambling? Ans. — Their pair o’ dice was taken away from them. Where is it mentioned in the Bible of playing cards? Ans. — When Neb-euchard-nezzar (Nebeuchadnezzar) the Great. Why is a prudent man like a pin? Ans. — Because his head prevents him from going too far. What is it that a man, no matter how smart he is, overlooks? Ans. — His own nose. Why is a clock the most modest thing in creation? Ans. — Because it alwa^'s keeps its hands before its face, and however well it goes, is always running itself down 36 CONUNDRUMS. What was it a blind man took at breakfest which restored his sight? Ans. — He took a cup and saw, sir, (saucer.) What is it we all require, what we all give, what we occasionally ask for, yet very seldom take ? Ans. — Advice. Why is a judge’s nose like the middle of the earth ? Ans. — Because it is the centre of gravity. Which is the most moral musical instrument ? Ans. — An upright piano. Why is a stick of candy like a race horse ? Ans. — The more you lick it the faster it goes. A blind beggar had a brother, and that brother died ; now what relation was the blind beggar to the brother that died ? Ans. — His sister, as the blind beggar was a woman. When Queen Elizabeth was ill how did she take her powders ? Ans. — In cider (inside her) . Why may we suppose that Noah had beer in the ark ? Ans. — Because the kangaroo went in with hops, and the bear was always bruin. What is that which we often return yet never borrow ? Ans. — Thanks. What is the difference between a bee and a donkey ? Ans. — One gets all the honey, the other gets all the whacks, (wax.) When a colored waiter drops a platter of roasted turkey, why does it create a great continental disaster? Ans. — Because it is the fall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece, the ruin of Africa, and the breaking up of China. Why is a large log lying across the street like a dead dog’s tail ? Ans. — Because it stops a wagon, (waggin.) What is the difference between a postage stamp and a donkey ? Ans. — The stamp you stick with a lick and the donkey you lick with a stick. What was the color of the wind and waves in a storm ? Ans. — The wind blue, the waves rose. What is that which we receive without thanks, which we enjoy without knowing how, which we bestow on others without knowing where it is to be found, and which we loose without being sensible of its loss ? Ans. — Life. Why was Blackstone like an Irish vegetable ? Ans. — Because he was a common tatur, (commentator.) What vegetable grows underground which is skilled, part of a needle and to suffocate ? Ans.— Artichoke (art-i-choke). CONUNDRUMS. 37 Why are parliamentary reports called “ Blue Books ” ? Ans. — Because they are never re(a)d. Why is a bald head like heaven ? Ans. — Because there’s no parting and dyeing there. When is butter like Irish children ? Ans. — When it is made into little pats. Why don’t they take fare from policemen on the trolley cars ? Ans.— Because they can’t get a nickel out of a copper. Why is it dangerous to take a nap on the steam cars ? Ans. — Because the cars run over sleepers. What is we all frequently say that we will do, and no one has ever yet done ? Ans. — Stop a minute, W’hat part of a fish weighs the most ? Ans. — The scales. What is it that stands aloft and regulates our daily movements, yet feels no interest in our concern, directs us when to go and when to come, yet cares not whether we attend or not ; still, thus indifferent to our fate, it often strikes a heavy blow to urge us on ? Ans. — A clock. What is the worth of woman ? Ans. — Double you O man. What misses are of a very jealous temper? Ans. — Miss Give, (misgive) and Miss Trust, (mistrust.) What misses are those whose days are always unlucky ? Ans. — Miss Chance, (mischance) and Miss Hap, (mishap.) Why is a street-car like the heart of the coquette ? Ans. — Because there is always room for one more to be taken in. Why should a horse never be hungry ? Ans. — Because most of the time he has a bit in his mouth. What is the difference between a wise man and a fool ? Ans. — The wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all. Of what trade is a minister at a wedding ? Ans. — A joiner. When is a newspaper the sharpest ? Ans. — When it is filed. What is the largest room in the world ? Ans. — The room for improve- ment. Why are a haunted house, a bottle of alcohol, a prancing young horse, and a corner tavern alike ? Ans. — Because they arc full of spirits. Why is a chrysalis like a hot roll ? Ans. — Because it’s the grub that makes the butter-fly. 38 CONUNDRUMS. When is sugar like a pig’s tooth? Ans. — When it’s in a hog’s head. Why should a minister be believed? Ans. — Because he is nearly alwa^'s accurate, (a-curate). Why is the fly the best one among the grocers’ customers? Ans. — Whenever he comes for sugar he settles on the spot. Why is a man after a wine supper like an umbrella? Ans. — He is always used up. What does Santa Claus put in his own stockings? Ans. — A pair of fattened calves. When is a hat not a hat? Ans. — When it becomes a young man or a young lady. How do the Jews, the Moors and the Christians spend money? Ans.— The Jews spend at Easter, the Moors at marriages and the Christians in suits of law. Why are laws like the ocean? Ans. — The most trouble is caused by the breakers. When does a man shave with a silver razor? Ans. — When he cuts off his heir with a shilling. What is it you must keep after giving it to another? Ans. — Your word. What coat is finished without buttons and put on wet? Ans. — A coat of paint. What is the most popular paper at the summer resorts? Ans. — Fly- paper. What happens to the man who is given an aflront? Ans. — He is usually taken aback. What trade does the sun follow in the month of May? Ans. — Mason (May-sun). When does man feel girlish? Ans. — When he makes his maiden speech. Why is a cabbage run to seed like a lover? Ans. — Because it has lost its heart. What is that which Adam only of all mankind never saw, and never j)ossessed? Ans. — Parents. Why is a sheep like a professional gambler? Ans. — Because he is brought up on the turf, gambols in his youth, herds with blacklegs, and is fleeced at last. CONUNDRUMS, 39 In what respect does a piano-lamp revSemble a society-club man? Ans. — It has a good deal of brass about it, requires much attention, is not remarkably brilliant, is something unsteady upon its legs, liable to explode when only half full, flares up occasionally, is always out at bed-time; and is bound to smoke. Why is a committee of inquiry like a cannon? Ans. — It makes a report. What object has two heads and one body? Ans. — A barrel. What word is there which contains all the vowels and in their proper order? Ans. — Facetiously. Why is a woman deformed when mending her stockings? Ans. — Because her hands are where her feet ought to be. Why is a hat like a king? Ans. — Because it has a crown. What great Scotchman would you name if (John) your footman knocked at the door? Ans.-— John Knox. Why does a stingy German like mutton better than venison? Ans. — Because he prefers “zat vich is sheep to zat vich is deer.” Which would you rather, that a lion ate you or a tiger? Ans. — Why, you would rather that the lion ate the tiger, of course. What is the difference between a light in a cave and a dance in a tavern? Ans. — One is a taper in a cavern and the other is a caper in a tavern. What is that which though black itself enlightens the world.'' Ans.— Ink, Can you tell me the best way to make the hours go fast? Ans. — Use the spur of the moment. What is the difference between love and war? Ans. — One breaks heads, the other breaks hearts. Which are the lightest men. Irishmen, Scotchmen, or Englishmen? Aub, — In Ireland there are men of Cork; in Scotland men of Ayr; but in England on the Thames they have lighter men. What is the difference between a milkmaid and a swallow? Ans. — The milkmaid skims the milk, the swallow skims the water. What is that which never asks any questions, but requires so many answers? Ans. — The door-bell. Why is love like a canal boat? Ans. — Because ’tis an internal transport. When is a lawyer like a donkey? Ans.— When drawing a conveyance. 40 CONUNDRUMS. Why is a dog biting his own tail like a good manager. Ans. — Because he makes both ends meet. Why are apples like printers’ types. Ans. — Because they are often in pi (pie). What is the difference between M. De Rothschild, the loan broker, and King Herod ? Ans.— King Herod was king of the Jews and Rothschild was Jew of the kings. When is a schoolboy like a postage stamp? Ans. — When he is licked and put in the corner to make him stick to his letters. If Old Nick were to lose his tail, where should he go to supply the deficiency? Ans. — To a corner tavern or a gin palace, because there bad spirits are re-tailed. What is majesty, deprived of its externals? Ans. — A jest (ma-jest-y.) Why is a blush an anomaly ? Ans. — Because a woman who blushes is admired for her cheek. What is the difference between an honest and a dishonest laundress? Ans. — One irons your linen, the other steals it. Why are fowls the most economical things a farmer can keep? Ans. — Because for every grain they give a peck. When may ladies who are enjoying themselves be said to look wretched? Ans. — When at the opera, as then they are in tiers. Why is a book 3^our best friend and companion? Ans. — Because when it bores you, you can shut it up without giving offense. Why is a watch dog bigger by night than by day? Ans. — Because he is let out by night and taken in in the morning. What is the difference between a spendthrift and a pillow? Ans. — One is hard up, the other soft down. Why is the nose on your face like V in civility? Ans. — Because it is between two eyes. What is the difference between the dinner bell and the belle of the kit- chen? Ans. — One is made of brass and the other is maid-of-all-work. What is the difference between the Prince of Wales, an orphan, a bald- headed old man and the gorilla? Ans. — The first is heir apparent, the second has ne’er a parent, the third has no hair apparent, and the fourth has an hairy parent. CONUNDRUMS. 41 Why is a glass-blower the most likely person to set the alphabet off at a gallop ! Ans. — Because he can make a D-canter. Luke had it first, Paul had it last; boys never have it; girls have it but once; Miss Sullivan had it twice in the same place, but when she married Pat Murphy she never had it again? Ans. — The letter L. What is the very best and cheapest light, especially for painters. Ans. — Daylight. How is a poultry dealer compelled to earn his living? Ans. — By fowl- means. Why is a good man like a bright jewel? Ans. — Because all his actions shine. If you see a counterfeit coin in the street, why should you always pick it up? Ans. — Because you may be arrested for passing it. Why is Satan like a poker? Ans. — Because he belongs to the fire-place. At what age should a man marry? Ans. — At the parsonage. Why is a lawn mower like the keeper of a bucket shop? Ans. — Because it shaves the green. Why is a short negro like a white man? Ans. — He is not a-tall black, (at all.) Name the first girl and boy mentioned in the Bible? Ans. — Gen-e-sis (Genesis) and Chap I. What is an eaves-dropper? Ans. — The icicle. Why is a pastry cook like an apothecary? Ans. — He sells pies and things, (poisoned things.) What is that which every living man hath seen, but never more will see again, I ween? Ans. — Yesterday. Why is an apothecary like a wood-cock? Ans. — Because he has a long bill. When is a nose not a nose? Ans. — When it is a little radish, (reddish.) Why is an island like the letter T? Ans. — Because it is in the center of water. Why is a schoolmaster like the letter C? Ans. — He forms lasses into classes. Why is the letter L like dinner? Ans. — It comes before T, (tea.) Why is sin like a picture frame? Ans.— Because it is gilt, (guilt.) 42 CONUNDRUMS. Why are the actions of men like great rivers? Ans. — Because we see the cscurse they take, but not the course from whence they spring. Why is a beggar like an attorney? Ans. — He is a solicitor. What question is that to which you must always answer yes? Ans. — What does YES spell? Why is a young lady like a sheaf of wheat? Ans.- -First she is cradled, then thrashed, and finally she becomes the flour of the family. I went out one day to take a walk, and met three beggars ; to one I gave ten cents, to the second I also gave ten cents ; and to the third I gave but five cents. What time of day was it, by the amount I gave away? Ans. — A quarter to three. What is that which is put on the table and cut, but is never eaten? Ans. — A pack of cards. What is that which is full of holes and yet holds water? Ans. — A sponge. When is a man obliged to keep his word? Ans. — When no one will take it. How many soft boiled eggs could a giant eat on an empty stomach? Ans. — One, for after that his stomach wouldn’t be empty. Why does the preacher say that there is no marrying in Heaven? Ans.— Because there wouldn’t be enough men there to go around. Who was the first straight man mentioned in the Bible? Ans.— Joseph ; as Pharaoh made a ruler of him. When does a farmer perform a miracle? Ans. — When he turns his horse to grass, and also when he turns his cow into pasture. Why was Joshua worse off than the poorest orphan? Ans. — He was the sun of Nun, (none). Which animals in Noah’s ark were of a religious disposition? Ans. — Those that were beasts of prey. Why is a stormy, windy day like a child wdth a cold in its head? Ans. — It blows it snows, (it blows its nose). What letter in the alphabet is most useful to a deaf old woman? Ans. — The letter A, because it makes her hear. Why are young women like peas? Ans. — Because they are at their best when they arc young and tender, and green. What is the cheapest feature of the face? Ans. — Nostrils, two for a scent, (cent). CONUNDRUMS, 43 What is imported to the United States that wastes away and was Eve’s temptation? Ans. — Pineapple (pine-apple). When were walking-sticks first mentioned in the Bible? Ans. — When Eve presented Adam with a little Cain, (cane). Why is a baker a most improvident person? Ans. — Because he is con- tinually selling that which he kneads himself. Why is divinity the easiest of all professions? Ans. — Because it is easier to preach than to practice. What is the only thing some men raise on their farms? Ans. — Mort- gages. What is that which occurs twice in a moment, once in a minute, and not once in a thousand years? Ans.— The letter M. What is a good substitute for fire kindling ? Ans. — Some of the funny stories about the fireside, for they are enough to make even the fire roar. Black and white and red (read) all over. Ans. — A newspaper. What heavenly thing and what earthly thing does a rainy day most affect? Ans. — The sun and your boots ; it takes the shine out of both. Why is a printing press like the forbidden fruit? Ans. — Because from it springs a knowledge of good and evil. What object is walking over the water and under the water, yet does not touch the water? Ans. — A woman crossing a bridge over a river with a pail of water on her head. A house full and a yard full, but 3"ou can’t catch a bowl full? Ans.-- Smoke. If a young lady fell into a well, why couldn’t her brother help her out? Ans. — Because how could he be a brother and assist her (a sister) too? What is that by losing an eye has nothing left but a nose? Ans. — Noise. What is the brightest idea in the world? Ans. — Your eye dear, (i-dea). Why is the Louvre the cheapest palace that was ever built? Ans. — Because it was partly built for one sovereign, and then finished for another. Why is an attractive young lady like a successful gambler? Ans. — Because she has such winning ways. What makes a pet dog wag his tail when he sees his master? Because he’s got one to wag. Ans. — 44 CONUNDRUMS. What lesson of life can the small boy learn from the fire engine ? Ans. — It-must work or it can’t play. Why is Ireland likely to become very rich ? Ans. — Because its capital is always doubling (Dublin). Why can the world be compared to music ? Ans. — Because it is so full of sharps and flats. Why is A like a honeysuckle ? Ans. — Because a B follows it. What is the board of education ? Ans. — The schoolmaster’s shingle. Why should an artist never be short of cash ? Ans. — If he knows his business he can always draw money. Why is bread like the sun ? Ans. — Because it rises from the yeast. Why is a stereoptican man a turncoat ? Ans. — Because he is continually changing his views. How do fish live in the sea ? Ans. — Why, as men do on land, the great ones eat up the little ones. Who whistled the first tune and what was it ? Ans. — The wind. Over the hills and far away. When is a thermometer like a vegetable ? Ans. — When it’s up at eighty, (a potaty.) What letters of the alphabet are like to come too late for dinner, suppos- ing the whole to be invited ? Ans. — Those that come after T. What game is affixed to baggage ? Ans. — Tag. What game peremptorily orders silence ? Ans. — Whist. Why are men sometimes like dough ? Ans. — It is not because a woman needs (kneads) him, but because he is hard to get off her hands. When is a newspaper like a delicate person ? Ans. — When it appears weekly. What is the difference between a rooster. Uncle Sam and the twentieth century girl ? Ans. — The rooster is cock-a-do('dle-doo. Uncle Sam is yankee doodlc-doo, and the twentieth century girl, any dude ’ll do. Why can’t a man deny he has a price on himself? Ans. — Because he has frequently been sold. What are the most wonderful things to see ? Ans. — A cow slip through a fence, and a cow hide in a bucket. CONUNDRUMS. 45 Why is it absurd to call a dentist room the (dental parlor) ? Ans. — Becausie it is the drawing room. Why is a needle one of the most persistent of forces ? Ans.— It always has eye open for business, and invariably carries its point. Why should cocks be the smoothest birds known ? Ans. — Because they always have a comb about them. Why should a housekeeper never put the letter M into her refrigerator ? Ans. — Because it will change ice into mice. Why is a tennis player like a society youth of limited means ? Ans. — He is obliged to miss the ball when it comes high. What will make pies inquisitive ? Ans, — S will make spies of them. Why is a baker like some very disreputable people ? Ans. — Because he’s a loafer and a white-cap. Why does a sculptor die a most horrible death? Ans. — Because he makes faces— and busts. When is a river like a violin ? Ans. — When it is bridged. Why are whigs and wigs alike ? Ans. — Because they both profess an attachment to the crown. What is the singular fact about a blunt man ? Ans. — That he is apt to make the most cutting remarks. What word makes you sick if you take one letter away ? Ans. — Music, (U-sick.) If Dick’s father be John’s son, what relation is Dick to John? An® — His grandson. How many sides are there to a tree ? Ans. — Two — inside and outside. Why does a miller wear a white hat ? Ans. — To cover his head. Where is happine.ss alwa3^s to be found ? Ans. — In the dictionary. What is the oldest tree in England ? Ans. — The elder. Of what trade is the sun ? Ans. — A tanner. Where did the witch of Endor live? Ans. — At Endor, Who is the greatest of home-rulers ? Ans. — The baby. In what place did the cock crow so that all the people in the world could hear him ? Ans. — In Noah’s Ark. What net can only big fish get into ? Ans. — The cabi-net. 46 CONUNDRUMS. Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger and Baby Bigger, which of this interesting family is the biggest, and why the biggest ? Ans. — Baby Bigger, because he is a little bigger. Which is the meanest and most disagreeable uncle? Ans. — The carb- uncle. What letter in the Holland alphabet makes the title of a noble lady ? Ans. — Dutch S (Duchess). Why is U the merriest letter in the alphabet? Ans, — Beeause it always eomes in the midst of fun. What is the most expensive part ol a box of strawberries? Ans. — The bottom ; it comes high. What one word in the Bible represents the father ealling his son and the son answering him? Ans. — Benhadad (Ben-ha-dad). If all the letters in the alphabet were on a mountain, what letter would leave first? Ans. — D would begin the deseent. Why is there some reason to doubt the existence of the Giant’s Cause- way? Ans. — There are so many shamroeks (sham roeks) in Ireland that this may be one of the reasons. What would a window say on being smashed by a falling tree? Ans.— “ Oh-tree-mend-us,” (tremendous). From a number that’s odd cut off the head, it then will even be; its tail, I pray, next take away, your mother then you’ll see. Ans. — Seven, even, eve. What pieee of eoin is double its value by deducting its half? Ans. — Halfpenny. I live upon my own substanee and die when I have devoured myself. Ans. — A candle. When bridal parties are on the train, how is it that the cars jar and rattle so? Ans. — The old adage says : The course of true love never did ruTi smooth. What mechanic never turns to the left? Ans. — A wheelwright. Why is opening a letter like taking a very queer method of getting into a room? Ans.— Because it is breaking through the sealing (ceiling). Why is an artist stronger than a horse? Ans. — Because he can draw the cajHtol at Washington all by himself and take it clean away in his pocket, if necessary. CONUNDRUMS. 46a If you should go to the postoffice and ask the clerk to put a stamp on your letter, if he refused, what would you do ? Ans. — On answering the question one is apt to say : “ Why, I would stick it on myself.” Then say : “ I wouldn’t stick it on myself, I would stick it on the letter.” Why should they employ prize-fighters in the postoffice ? Ans. — Because they could lick the postage stamps. Which part of a New England doughnut have the health journals and noted ph^^sicians agreed as being the best and most wholesome ? Ans. — The hole, and the larger the hole the better the doughnut. When is a sailor a very small man ? Ans.— When he goes to sleep on his watch. Why is it lawful to arrest a man when riding his bicycle ? Ans. — Be- cause he pedals on the street without a license. On yonder hill is a green house and in the green house is a white house, in the white house is a red house, in the red house are a great many little negroes, and colored people are always happy in getting possession of the green house. Ans. — A watermelon. Why couldn’t Queen Victoria be buried in Trinity churchyard. New York, in 1896 ? Ans. — Because she wasn’t dead. What is it that no one wishes to have and yet when they have it they do not wish to lose it ? Ans. — A bald head . What tree bears the most toothsome fruit ? Ans. — Dentistry (Dentist- tree). The name of what character in history does a person mention when asking one to put coal on the fire ? Ans. — Philip, the Great. Why is a bear’s tail like the earth ? Ans. — Because its fur (far) to the end. If you were to deposit in the bank on the first day of the month one cent, and double it every day, do you think you could raise enough money to deposit on the thirty-first day ? For example, March 1st, 1 cent; 2nd, 2 cents; 3rd, 4 cents; 4th, 8 cents; 5th, 16 cents; 6th, 32 cents; 7th, 64 cents; 8th, $1.28; 9th, $2.56; 10th, $5.12; 11th, $10.24; 12th, $20.48; 13th, $40.96; 14th, $81.92; 15th, $163.84, and so continue to double. Ans. — One usually answers certainly I can. Great is the surprise when told that $10,737,418.24 must be deposited. 46b RIDDLES. What English word is there the first two letters of which signify a man, the first three a woman, the first four a great man, and the whole a great woman ? Ans. — Heroine. A farmer sent three sons to college. On their return home, wishing to see how their college education had fitted them for business, he gave to his youngest son ten eggs, to the second son thirty eggs, and to the eldest son fifty eggs. He told them to take their eggs to the market to sell them at the same price, and each to bring home the same amount of money. How could the son with ten eggs bring home the same amount of money as his brothers ? Ans. — On arriving at the market they displayed the eggs. The first customer came to the youngest asking the price of his eggs. His reply was seven for a cent. The customer took one cent’s worth, which left him three eggs. The second son was asked the price of his eggs and he said the same price as my brother, seven for one cent. So the customer took four cents worth, which left him two eggs. The eldest one was asked the price of his and he said the same price, seven for a cent. So the customer took seven cents worth, which left him one egg. On comparing notes they found that they had sold their eggs at the same price but did not have the same amount of money. In the afternoon a customer came up to the youngest son and asked him the price of his eggs. He replied, three cents apiece. The customer took the three eggs, and with the one cent he got in the morning, made him ten cents. The second son sold his two for three cents apiece, and with the four cents made him ten cents. The eldest son sold his one egg for three cents, which, with the seven he made in the morning, made him ten cents. They returned home, each having the same amount of money, having sold their eggs at the same price. This is a very nice trick for a company of young people. One of them could say I have in my possession an object which has traveled thousands of miles by land and sea, handled by a great many people, and yet it was never seen. It has a house of its own, but was never outside of it. Now I can break open this house and expose it, then can make it disappear where you can never see it again. Ans. — The meat of a Brazil nut. After the parties are through guessing what it is take the nut, crack it, exposing the meat and deliberately eat it up. Why docs a young lady, when riding her bicycle, contradict herself? Ans. — Because she toils not, yet see how she is spinning. RIDDLES. 47 RIDDLES. My first is a game, my second is what we use our eyes for, my whole is a State of America. Ans. — Tennes-see. My first denotes equality, my second, inferior, and my whole, superiori- ty'. Ans. — Match-less. My first is a pronoun, my second is used at weddings, and my whole is an inhabitant of the deep. Ans. — Her-ring. My first is a preposition, my second is a tree, my third is a female’s name, and my whole is a lodging for the sick. Ans. — In-fir-Mary. Without my first my second could never have existed, and my whole is as old as creation. Ans. — Sun-day. My first is used in driving, my second is needy, my third is a nickname and my whole is a bird. Ans. — Whip-poor-Will. My first is a vehicle, my second is a preposition, and my whole is a ship. Ans. — Cab-in. My first I hope you are, my second I see you are, my whole I know you are. Ans. — Wel-come. My first makes company, my second shuns company, my third assembles company, my whole puzzles company ? Ans. — Co-nun-drums. My first of anything is half, my second is complete, and so remains until once more my first and second meet ? Ans. — Semi-circle. My first brings joy to all around; My second may bring sorrow ; My whole but once a 3^ear is found, And may be yours to-morrow. Ans. — Birth-day. My first is but a name ; My second is more small ; My whole is of so little fame, It has no name at all. Ans. — Nameless. Legs I have, but seldom walk ; I backbite all, yet never talk. Ans. — A flea. 48 RIDDLES. Say, which is the handsomest of all the trees That ever braved the cruel wintry breeze ; Which ever lovely to our eyes appears, And knows no change through all the rolling years ? When this tree’s name you shall have fairly guessed, Say, which appears to you the ugliest ? And this, I think, you’ll easily explain. Because the answer is so very plain. When these are known, I pray you name the one, Of all the autumn trees most meddlesome; Which sets all classes blindly by the ears. However friendly to them it appears. Next tell me which defies old ocean’s flood. And by whose might its leaves are best withstood? Inform me next which tree will bid you rove ? Which live ? and which all modern maidens love ? Ans.— The yew (you), the plane (plain) tree, the medlar, the beech (beach) the 0-range; the 0-live; the tea tree. My first makes all nature appear with one face; My second has music, and beauty, and grace ; My whole, when the winter hangs chill o’er the earths Is the source of much pleasure, mischief and mirth. Ans. — Snow-ball. I am the first, and one of seven, I live betwixt the seas and heaven; Look not below, for I am not there, My home is in the ancient air. Come to my second, behold how fair I am, how bright and how debonair; A pleasant vision and a beauty, A thing of life and joy and duty ; My youth is changed — I live alone. My views are crossed — my hopes are gone; My whole is sorrow, grief and woe. My singing now is all heigh ho. Ans. — A-lass (alas). My first is French, my second English, and my whole is Latin. Ans. — La-tin. KIDDLES. 49 I’m a singular creature, pray tell me my name. I partake of my countrymen’s glory and fame ; I daily am old, and I daily am new, I am praised, I am blamed, I am false, I am true ; I’m the talk of the nation while I’m in my prime, But forgotten when once I’ve outlasted my time. In the morning no Miss is more courted than I, In the evening you see me thrown carelessly by. Take warning ye fair — I, li^e you, have my day; But alas ! you, like me, must grow old and decay. Ans. — A newspaper. In marble halls as white as milk. Lined with a skin as soft as silk. Within a fountain crystal clear, A golden apple does appear ; No doors there are in this stronghold. Yet thieves break in and steal the gold. Ans. — Yolk of an egg. I tremble with each breath of air. And yet can heaviest burdens bear ; ’Tis known that I destroyed the world, And all things in confusion hurled ; And yet I do preserve all in it Through each revolving hour and minute. Ans. — Water. I daily breathe, say what you will. And yet I have no life ; I kindle feuds, but never kill. Nor eause the smallest strife. Ans. — A bellows. In spring I look gay, dressed in handsome array. But in summer more clothing I wear ; When colder it grows I throw off my clothes, And in winter quite naked appear. Ans. — A Tree. 50 RIDDLES, My number, definite and known, Is ten times ten, told ten times o’er; One-half of me is one alone. The other exeeeds all eount and score. Ans. — Thou-sand. I am often found in loss, but not in gain, If 3'ou search there ’twill be in vain ; I am found in honor, but not in day. What 1 am perhaps you now can say. Ans.—The letter O. Why does a man named Hill, riding a bicycle, have the advantage over a high hill by the roadside ? Ans. — Because the road runs over the foot of the hill and it cannot move on, while he can seat a hill on his bicycle and with the foot wheel off the brow of the hill. There’s a word composed of three letters alone. Which reads backwards and forwards the same ; It expresses the sentiment warm from the heart. And to beauty lays principal claim. Ans. — Eye. I have but one eye, and that eye without sight. Yet it helps me whatever I do ; I’m sharp without wit, without senses I’m bright. The fortune of some, and of some the delight. And I doubt not I’m useful to you. Ans. — A needle. I should be sharp if I am used. If dull, I’m cast aside; By boys and girls I’m much abused. And yet I am their pride. A part of me is made of wood. And part in earth is found. And both together firmly glued. Are sent the whole world round. Ans. — Lead pencil. RIDDLES, 51 AN OLD RIDDLE. There was a man of Adam’s race, Who had a curious dwelling place ; He had a house all covered o’er, Where no man dwelt since n’er before. It was not made by man of art. Nor brick, nor stone in any part ; Nor rock, nor lime, nor laths nor tin, X But curiously it was wrought within. ’Twas not in heaven, nor yet in hell, Nor on the earth where mortals dwell ; Now if you know this man of fame. Tell where he lived and what’s his name. Ans.— Jonah in the whale’s belly. Formed long ago, yet made to-day, I’m most employed while others sleep; What none would like to give away. Yet no one likes to keep. Ans. — A bed. Who are all the shavers in the world ? ANSWERS. The barber shaves with polished blade; The merchant shaves in constant trade ; The broker shaves on twenty per cent.; The landlord shaves by raising rent ; The doctor shaves in patent pills ; The tapster shaves in pints and gills; The farmer shaves in hay and oats ; The banker shaves on his own notes; The lawyer shaves both friends and foes; The peddler shaves where’er he goes ; The office-holder shaves the nation ; The parson shaves in men’s salvation; The wily churchman shaves his brother ; The people all shave one another. 52 RIDDLES. OUT OF THE PAST. Here is an old English riddle called the “ Bishop of Oxford’s Kiddle.” 1. I have a trunk. Ans. — My body. 2. It has two lids. Ans. — Eye lids. 3. And two caps. Ans. — Kneecaps. 4. Two musical instruments. Ans. — Drums. 5. Two established measures. Ans. — Feet. 6. A great number of articles carpenters cannot do without. Ans.— Nails. 7. I have always about me a couple of good fish. Ans.— Soles. 8. A great number of small shell fish. Ans.— Muscles. 9. Two lofty trees. Ans. — Palms. 10. Some fine flowers. Ans. — Tulips. 11. Two playful domestic animals. Ans.— Calves. 12. A number of small wild animals. Ans. — Hairs. 13. A fine stag. Ans. — Heart, (hart.) 14. A number of whips without handles. Ans.— Lashes. 15. Some weapons of warfare. Ans. — Arms. 16. A number of weathercocks. Ans. — Veins. 17. An entrance to a hotel. Ans. — Innsteps. 18. At a political meeting on the verge of a division. Ans. — Eyes and nose. 19. Two students. Ans. — Pupils. 20. A number of Spanish grandees. Ans. — Tendons. 21. A big wooden box. Ans. — Chest. 22. Two fine buildings. Ans. — Temples. 23. Product of camphor tree. Ans. — Gums. 24. A piece of English money. Ans. — Crown. 25. An article used by artists. Ans.^ — Palate. 26. Boat used in racing. Ans. — Scull. 27. Used in crossing a river. Ans. — Bridge of nose. 28. Pair of blades without handles. Ans. — Shoulders. 29. Twelfth letter of alphabet finished with bows. Ans. — Elbows. 30. Instruments used in church music. Ans. — Organs. 31 . Fastenings for the whole, a part of music. Ans. — Chords. RIDDLES. 53 1. What is it, that hands have they yet they steal not. Ans. — Clocks. 2. Legs have they yet they walk not. Ans. — Tables. 3. Teeth have they yet they chew not. Ans. — Combs. 4. Lips have they yet they kiss not. Ans. — Pitchers. 5. Eyes have they yet they see not. Ans. — Needles. 6. Hearts have they yet they pity not. Ans. — Cabbages. 7. Ears have they yet they hear not. Ans. — Old book leaves. 8. Arms have they yet they toil not. Ans. — Chairs. A FISH POND, The declaration that I drag a cask. Ans. — Halibut, (haul I but.) What a lady prizes highly after she is betrothed. Ans. — Her-ring. A sharp lance. Ans. — Pike. An animal and what he becomes when a wolf catches him. Ans.— Lam-prey. Possessed and a place for boats. Ans. — Haddock. A fish whose name implies reproof. Ans. — Carp. Something found in the henhouse. Ans. — Perch. A sullen look. Ans. — Pout. Assistance. Ans. — Sucker, (succor.) There is a natural productor which exists from two to six feet from the earth; that is neither, vegetable, animal, male nor female yet commonly exists between both. Is found in the new testament, highly recommended in the old, and serves two purposes — fidelity and treachery. Ans. — A kiss. Kissing is natural and exists from an infant up to manhood — etc. etc. I am neither beast, bird or man, yet I am an animated being. I began my existence in the beginning of the world. I am frail and weak yet I model the destines of nations I am found in all the habitable world. Seldom in front of battle but often follow among the dead and dying. I am found in prisons and palaces, among the rich and poor. I have witnessed the struggles of the gladiator and the death of the martyr. My influence is felt by the king and the beggar. I was with the disciples at the foot of the cross. Can you guess from this who or what I am ? Ans. — A woman. ‘‘ON STANLEY ON.’' Were I in brave Stanley’s place A word you’d soon descry, Which would bring a tear to every eye. Ans. — On-i-om 54 RIDDLES. RIDDLES ON FLOWERS AND SHRUBS. What are the most fragrant letters in the alphabet ? Ans. — Sweet Peas. Why is Attar of roses never moved without orders ? Ans. — Because it is sent (scent) wherever it goes. If you plant two angry rooks, what will come up? Ans. — Crow cusses, (crocusses. ) Why is it dangerous to go in the woods in spring ? Ans. — Because the bullrush is out, the cow-slips around, the grasses have blades, the flowers have pistils and the little twigs are shooting. Rare bloom and fragrance has my First, But does not lack its briery thorn. My Second is the name of one. Who has for years the halo worn. Remembrance sweet doth link my Whole With fair Ophelia’s guileless soul. Ans. — Rosemary. What comes up like a flower when you ])lant the setting sun. Ans. — The morning glory. What did JacK Frost say when he proposed to the rose-bud ? Ans. — Wilt thou, and it wilted. My first is often sought for my second ? Ans. — Marigold. My first is as sharp as needles, my second is as soft as aown Ans. — thistle-down. My first is a country in Asia, my second is the name of a prominent New York family. Ans. — China-Aster. My first is the name of a bird, my second is worn by cavalry men? Ans. — Lark-spur. My first is sly but cannot wear my second ? Ans. — Fox-glove. My first is an implement of war, my second is a place where money is coined ? Ans. — Spear-mint. My first is a facial expression of pleasure my second a woodsman’s means of livelihood ? .Ans. — Smilax. My first is a white wood my second is the name of a yellowish Rhenish wine? Ans. — Hollyhock. My first wears my second on liis head ? Ans. — Coxcomb. RIDDLES, 55 ' My first is made in the dairy but is seldom served in my second ? Ans. — Butter-cup. An animal of the jungle is my first my second is the name of a tall fair lady ? Ans.— Tiger-Lily. My first sticketh closer than a brother my second is a disrespectful name for a physician ? Ans. — Bur-dock. My first adheres to me, my second is what ballot dancers use ? Ans. — Stick-tight. My first is a poorly-clad beggar, my second is what he is sent to the penetentiary for? Ans. — Ragged-robin. What flowers are there between a lady’s nose and chin ? Ans. — Two lips, (tulips.) My first is a bright color, my second gives a sound, and my whole is a wild flower? Ans. — A blue-bell. My first is formal, my second is a flower, and my whole is a flower? Ans. — Prim-rose. Without my first you’d look very strange, my second you much want to be; my whole is what many a lady has worn at a ball, an assemblage or play ? Ans. — Nose-gay. My first is what a great many ijeoplc do for their living, my second gives the weight of what brings comfort to the household also what sup- ports animal life and my whole is a beautiful city. Ans. — Washington. Why should a man troubled with gout make his will ? Ans. — Because he will then have his leg at ease (legatees.) When is soup most likel3^to run out of a saucepan ? Ans. — When there’s a leak (leek) in it. Why is a pretty girl like a locomotive engine ? Ans. — Because she sends off the sparks, transports the mails, has a train following her and passes over the plain. What three figures multiplied bv 4 will make prcciselv 5? Ans. — 114 or 125. What is the difference between twenty-four quart bottles and four and twenty quart bottles ? Ans. — Fifty-six quarts difference. By equal division I know I am right. The half of thirteen you’ll find to be eight XIII. VIII. Twenty-six (sick) sheep in one field, one died, how many was left? Ans.— Nineteen, of course. 66 AUTHORS. AUTHORS. Why is an author the most wonderful man in the world ? Ans. — Because he is the owner of many tales, and they all come out of his head. What would you expect to find on a literary man’s breakfast table? Ans. — Bacon’s Remains, Final Memorials of Lamb, if in season, and Shelley fragments. Why was “Uncle Tom’s Cabin’’ not written by a woman’s hand? Ans. — Because it was written by Mrs. Beecher Stowe, (Beecher’s toe.) Why do we speak of poetic fire ? Ans. — Because if the ancient Scandi- navians had their “ Scalds,’’ we have also had our “ Burns.’’ What best describes and most impedes a Christian Pilgrim’s Progress? Ans. — A Bunyan, (bunion.) What is the most melancholy fact in the history of Milton ? Ans. — That he could “ recite ” his poems, but not resight himself. If a tough beefsteak could talk, what English jDoet would it mention ? Ans. — Chaucer, (chaw sir.) Why was Bulwer more likel 3 ^ to get tired of novel-writing than Warren? Ans. — Because Bulwer wrote “Night and Morning.’’ Warren only wrote “Now and Then.” When is a slug like a poem of Tennyson’s ? Ans. — When it’s in a garden (“Enoch Arden.”) If Rider Haggard had been Lew Wallace, who would “ She” have been ? Ans. — “Ben-Hur. ’ ’ When was Shakespeare a broker? Ans. — When he furnished stock quotations. Why ought Shakespeare’s dramatic works be considered unpopular? Ans. — Because they contain Much Ado About Nothing. Why was Dickens a greater man than Shakespeare? Ans. — Because Shakespeare wrote well, but Dickens wrote Weller. What question of three words may be asked Tennyson concerning a brother poet? Ans. — Watt’s Tapper’s Wordsworth, (What’s Tapper’s words worth ?) What author would eyeglasses and spectacles mention to the world if they couldronly speak ? Ans. — You see by us, (Eusebius.) Wliy are cheese-niitcs like a book of Bulwers? Ans. — Because they are the Pilgrims of the Rhine. MILITARY CONUNDRUMS. 5 1 While watching the burning of a big hotel what three authors would you feel inclined to mention ? Ans. — Dickens — Howitt — Burns. Which of the four seasons is the most literary ? Ans. — Autumn, for then the leaves are turned, and they are red, (read.) Why are writers apt to have the blues ? Ans. — Because they arc so pensive. What American poet may be considered ec^ual to three-fithsof the poets, ancient and modern, Ans. — Poe. niLITARY CONUNDRUnS. When are soldiers best able to draw blisters ? Ans. — When the3^ are mustered in the service. When are they good fishermen ? Ans. — When they have bay o’ nets. Why are their guns alwa\^s safe ? Ans. — Because every one of them have a lock. What is the best form for a soldier ? Ans. — Uniform. What is his best uniform ? Ans. — Right dress. When is he a wagon maker ? Ans. — When he makes a wheel. When is he like an old Toper ? Ans* — When he re-treats. When is he like a king ? Ans. — When he appears with his pomp-on. When is he like a watch ? Ans. — When he is on guard. When is he like a Washington landlord ? Ans. — When he makes a heavy charge. Where does the responsibility rest when a rifle explodes ? Ans. — The fault may be in the breech though it is charged to the muzzle. When is a soldier charitable ? Ans. — When he presents arms. When is he like a horse ? Ans. — When he draws a load. When is he like a vehicle ? Ans. — When he makes a cart-ridge on the road. What is one of the rules of war ? Ans. — That it is death to stop a can- non ball. Why do American soldiers never run away ? Ans. — Becatise the\dielong to the standing army. Why are soldiers usualK* in good company ? Ans. — They are generally associated with big guns. 58 MILITARY CONUNDRUMS. How does a soldier know when it is time to fight ? Ans. — When he secs a battle-me(a)nt. What do the bravest soldiers fear? Ans. — A backward niovcnieiit to the point of attack. Why is a defeated array like wool ? Ans. — Because it is worsted. Why are cowardly soldiers like tallow candles ? Ans. — Because when exposed to the fire they run. When is a plant like a soldier ? Ans. — When it begins to shoot. Why are authors who treat of physiognomy like soldiers? Ans.— Because they write about face. Why are the makers of the Armstrong guns the greatest thieves in Her Majesty’s service ? Ans. — Because they rifle all the guns, forge the materials, and steel all the gun breeches. What key in music would make a good officer ? Ans. — A sharp major. Why is fashion like a blank cartridge ? Ans. — Because it’s all powder and puff. Why are tired dogs like military boys in their uniform ? Ans. — Because their pants are all alike. When may an army be said to be totally destro^^ed ? Ans. — When its soldiers are all in quarters. What is the difference between a sailor and a soldier? Ans. — One tars his ropes, the other pitches his tent. What games are most played by soldiers ? Ans. — Hazard and Picket. Why is a newspaper like an army ? Ans. — Because it has leaders columns and reviews. Why is a vine like a soldier? Ans. — Because it is listed, trained, has tendrils and then shoots. What is the difference be tween a potato and a soldier ? Ans. — One shoots from the eye, the other from the shoulder. When is a soldier like a cannon ball ? Ans. — When he looks round, of course. When a ball leaves the mouth of a cannon to salute the setting sun, what does the air do ? Ans. — Whistles “After the Ball.’’ What is the difference between a soldier and a fisherman ? Ans. — One bayonets — the other nets a bay. CONUNDRUMS ON GEORGE WASHINGTON 59 CONUNDRUnS ON GEORGE WASHINGTON. AVhat is the difference between George Washington’s time and the present time ? Ans. — When Washington was President, It was cold as any icicle ; He never on a railroad went, And never rode a bicycle. He read by no electric lamp. Nor heard about the Yellow Stone ; He never licked a postage stamp, And never saw a telephone. His trousers ended at the knees, By wire he could not send dispatch ; He filled his lamp with whale oil grease. And never had a match to scratch. But in these days its come to pass, All work is with such dashing done; We’ve all these things, but then alas. We seem to have no Washington. What does Washington, D. C., stand for? Ans. — Washington, Dailt!?’ of his Country. When did George Washington first take a carriage? Ans. — When he took a hack at the cherrj" tree. What timbers was George Washington like ? Ans. — He was sturdy and firm as an Oak, very Spruce in his make-up, and exceedingly popular, (Po{>- lar). Why may we suppose that George Washington rode a bicycle? Ans. — Because he ordered his men to wheel into line, and their guns were “Ball Bearings.” Why is a man with a high silk hat on and a bottle of mucilage under his arm standing by a cherry tree like George Washington ? Ans. — Because he had a hatchet (hat yet). One usually asks upon hearing the answer : What has the bottle of mucilage to do with it ? Then you answer. Why that is the sticker. What geranium represents George Washington’s wife? Ans. — Lady Washington. 60 puzzles;. BEWITCHED EGGS. Puncture the shell of a raw egg with a pin and through the hole thus made extract the contents. When this shell has become thoroughly dry pour line sand through the pin hole until the egg is about one-fourth filled. Then seal up the hole with white wax, and your imitation egg will be as natural in ap])earance as a real one. The next time boiled eggs are served at breakfast, substitute your sand egg for the one that you take from the dish and tell your companions that you are going to make the egg obey your slightest wish. You may make it stand on the edge of a knife or on the rim of a glass, no matter whether you put it sideways or endways. The only precaution necessary is to tap the egg gently every time you desire to place it in any position, so as to make the sand settle at the bot- tom, and the weight of the sand will keep it as you wish it to be. This is called the Obedient Egg. For a Disobedient Egg, with which you may have even more fun than with the obedient one, make the hole in the shell large enough to allow you to introduce half an ounce of fine shot, together with a little powdered sealing wax. This done, seal up the hole neatly with white wax, and then warm the egg gently over the fire. This will give you a fixed center of gravity in the egg, and no matter how you ma^’ pretend to place it, the weight of the shot, held in a mass by the sealing wax, will drag it away from its position just as soon as 3^ou release it. Six ears of corn are in a hollow stump; how long will it take a squirrel to carry them all out if he takes out three ears a day ? Ans. — The “ catch ” is on the word ears. He takes out two ears on his head and one ear of corn each day ; hence it takes six days. If you were to tie a donkey securely ten feet from a load of hay, how is the donkey going to eat his breakfast off of the load of hay ? Ans. — (The person guessing will say I can’t tell, I give up) then you must say, well, that’s just what the other donkey did. Can you make a sentence containingevery letter in the alphabet ? Ans. — John (juickly extemporized five tow bags. Here is another example: James P. Brady gave me a black walnut box of quite small size. Why does a quick, nimble fox jump over the lazy dog ? PUZZLES, 61 A POULTRY PROBLEM. I bought some fowls the other day, One hundred dollars did I pay ; Each turkey did five dollars touch, Each goose did bring but half as much ; While chickens, if it must be told. For ten cents each were freely sold ; One hundred fowls in all had I, Of each how many did I buy ? Ans. — Twelve turkeys, 13 geese and 75 chickens. A old woman With intent Put on her And away she went ! she cried, give me I pray, Something to make me to-day. Supply in the blank spaces five words made of the same four letters. 1. Vile. 2. Evil. 3. Veil. 4. Levi. 5. Live. Hope Imoavne fear. Ans. — A man in love is between hope and fear. Make one word out of these two words : Now dore. Ans. — One word (using same letters), A man having a fox, a goose, and some corn, came to a river which it was necessary to cross. He could, however, take only one across at a time, and if he left the goose and corn while he took the fox over, the goose would eat the corn, but if he left the fox and goose, the fox would kill the goose. How shall he get them all safely over? Ans. — First he takes the goose over, and returns and takes the fox over; then takes the goose back, and then takes the corn over ; after which he returns and takes the goose over again. Place ten cards in a row, as they are numbered, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and require some one to put them together into piles of two in each pile by passing each card over two other cards. Ans. — Let the cards btf denoted by the numbers. First place 7 on 10, 5 on 2, 3 on 8, 1 on 4, and 9 on 6. Take fifty, add cipher, add five, add the fifth of eight, and the total is the sum of human happiness. Ans,— LOVE. 62 GAMES. SCRIPTURE FRUIT CAKE. This cake is very profitable to sell at Fairs. Decorate it with flowers and smilax and place it where it will attract attention. Prepare the in- gredients the same as for any fruit cake, by blanching the almonds, slicing the figs, stoning the raisins, etc., etc., beating all the ingredients thoroughly. Cut the cake in 40 or 45 slices and have the recipe either typewritten or printed in as many copies as you have slices. The price is 15 cents for one slice (with a copy of the recipe) or set an3^ price you choose. The ingredi- ents will be found mentioned in all the passages of the Bible referred to: SCRIPTURE CAKE. One cup butter— Judges V., verse 25 ; 31^ cups flour — I Kings IV., verse 22; 3 cups sugar— Jeremiah VI., verse 20; 2 cups raisins — 1 Samuel XXX., verse 12; 2 cups figs — 1 Samuel XXX., verse 12; 1 cup water — Genesis XXIV., verse 17 ; 1 cup almonds — Genesis XXXXIIL, verse 11; 6 eggs — Isaiah X., verse 14; 1 scant quarter of a teaspoonful of salt— Leviticus II., verse 13 ; spices to taste — Mark XVI., verse 1. Follow Solomon’s advice for making good boys and you will have a good cake — Proverbs XIII., 24. CONUNDRUn ENTERTAINHENT. Write the conundrums on fancy-shaped cards, which cut from a sheet of cardboard ; number each one and write the number and answer on note- paper ; then put all the cards in a fancy basket and tie the sheets of answers together with ribbon. The cards are passed to the guests, the hostess tak- ing charge of the answers. Each one in turn reads aloud the conundrum given him, and the person guessing the most answers gets a prize. CONUNDRUn SALAD. A conundrum salad is a very entertaining course for guests at dinner and may be used with the menu for a conundrum supper. Write the conun- drum on slips of paper and put a number in the corner of each slip. Place two or three of these slips in a leaf of lettuce, pressing it upon the sides to prevent the slips from falling out. Have the lettuce leaves made of green crinkled tissue paper. When finished place in a salad bowl. The answers are numbered correspondingly and written in a small book. A portion of the salad is served to each guest. If one chooses, small prizes may be given to those who guess the greatest number correctly. Have the conundrums as new as possible. The same cards and answers for conundrum entertain- ment may be used for this salad. GAMES, 63 A CONUNDRUn SUPPER. Mary Fairfax gives the following bright and witty menu for a Conun- drum Supper.” She says to make it a success it is necessary to have an Executive Committee who can not onl}^ plan but execute promptly: MENU. 1. What Most People Need. 2. Unruly Member. 3. Causes Neighborhood Contention. 4. New England Brains. 5. Food for the Spinning Wheel. 6. What a Boy Calls His Sweetheart. 7. Brings the Crows. 8. Most Delightful Age of Childhood. 9. Women of Grit, 10. What Occasioned the Fall of Mankind. 11. Hidden Tears. 12. Tree Cake. 13. Love’s Young Dream. 14. Changeable Politicians. 15. What Asthmatic People Are. IG. Spring’s Oifering. 17. Boston’s Overthrow. Have this menu printed, but it is not necessary that it be on cardboard. Here is the ” key,” but it need not be understood by any except the waiters. 1 — Backbone. 2 — Tongue. 3 — Chicken; 4 — Beans (baked). 5 — Roll. 6 — Honey. 7 — Eggs (boiled). 8 — Cabbage (cold slaw). 9 — Sandwich. 10— Apples (roasted). 11 — Onions (dressed with vinegar). 12— Nut, Cocoanut or Chocolate Cake. 13 — Cream Cake. 14 — Turnovers. 15 — Coffee. 16 — Water. 17— Tea. ^ When choosing it is not necessar3^ to tell why you want a particular article. If possible let the customer remain ignorant as to the “conun- drum.” Place nothing upon the table except sugar, cream, spoons, menus and lead pencils. Of course flowers are not prohibited. Be sure to have a bill of fare for each person at the table. Let the waiter tell those whom she is .serving to place a small cross at the left of each article chosen, and to mark six — or whatever number has been decided upon by the committee. It would be more generally satisfactory to pass the bread and buttered rolls frequently while serving the supper. The supper is not so difficult tf carry out, and is sure to please and cause much merriment. 64 GAMES. Rare compound of oddity, frolic and fun, Who relished a joke and rejoiced in a pun. — Goldsmith. APRIL FIRST GAMES. For the night dignity may be thrown aside, and both young and old bend their energies in the pursuit of mirth. The following three games are good for April : POTATO CONTEST. Have in readiness two dinner plates, two heavy teaspoons, and as many medium-sized potatoes as can be conveniently piled upon the two plates. Place a plate and spoon at each end of a room, half the potatoes at regular intervals on the right side of the room and the other half in the same posi- tion on the left side. Let two contestants be chosen ; and when each has taken his place beside a plate, let him take the spoon in his hand and begin “gathering his crop.” He must balance a potato on his spoon, carry it with one hand to the opposite end of the room and deposit it on the plate. The player who succeeds in “gathering his crop” first should have for a prize a large potato upon which has been cut a face wearing a most exag- gerated smile. The defeated contestant should be presented with a smaller potato, displaying a correspondingly woeful face. A GAME OF “pairs.” This is rather an amusing game. One of the players personates a law- yer. The rest choose partners and sit down in pairs in two rows, facing each other. The lawyer now walks down the row and asks a question of anyone he chooses. This question must always be answered by the partner of the one addressed. If he or she inadvertently replies herself she has to pay a forfeit. The partners cause a great deal of fun if they answer for their mates in the most absurd manner possible, and if they are good mimics in adopting the same tone of voice. It is difficult, as the game progresses, to keep from answering a question directly addressed to oneself. ART SOIREE. Write on .slips of paper names of different animals, and number each one. For example : 1 dromedary, 2 crane, 3 hippopotamus, 4 rat, 5 duck, etc. Put the slips in a fancy basket. Place a blackboard with a piece of chalk at the end of the room and arrange the chairs so that the company will be seated facing the blackboard, each player having a sheet of paper and pen- GAMES, 65 cil, with his name at the top. The hostess calls one of the players up to the board, and hands him a slip of paper taken from the basket, and tells him he n.ust draw the animal mentioned — he in turn calls off the number — but must not give the name of the animal he is to draw. The players write down the number and try to guess the name of the animal which is being drawn, putting the name opposite the number; then the board is cleaned and another one is called up to draw the animal mentioned on his slip, etc. When the players have finished the papers are collected, and the one who has the greatest number of animals correct, has first prize. Another way to play the game is as follows : Each member of the parly is required to draw on the board the outline of a pig, or a dog, and affix his name thereto, both drawing and writing being done either blindfolded or with the eyes wholly averted. The resulting ‘‘artistic productions are certain to be very laughable ; and a prize may be offered for the best and also for the poorest drawing. A candy pig would be appropriate for the latter prize, and for the former an iron paper-weight in the form of a pig would be decidedly appropriate. CHARACTER GUESSING. For the game, select interesting characters with which all are more or less familiar, such as Lincoln, Washington, Oliver Cromwell, Milton, Henry VIII., Queen Elizabeth, Franklin, Cleopatra, Booth. The game is played as follows: When the players are seated, A is chosen to leave the room, those remaining agree upon a character which may be real or fictitious. The per- son who leaves the room must represent the character chosen. When all are ready, A returns, then each of the players in turn asks A a question that will suggest the character A represents. The one whose question throws sufficient light to enable A to guess the character, is the next one to leave the room. For example, suppose the character chosen is Napoleon I., A returns to the room, and one of the players asks, “Do you think, if you were living to-day that you could conquer America?” The next asks, “Were you always fond of fighting?” The third question, “Would you care to live your triumphs over again ?” The fourth question, “ Did you never regret or feel any remorse over your treatment of your first wife ?” The fifth ques- tion, “Did you enjoy life on St. Helena? ” If A guesses the character at the question, then the one who asked it will be the next to leave the room. Another example: If the players choose the character of 66 GAMES. Richard I. of England, when A returns, the first question, “How long were you King of England ?“ Second, “ Did you lead one of the crusades, and slay many infidels ?“ ^‘How did your possessions in France affect you ? “ Fourth, “In one of Scott’s novels you are called ‘ The Black Sluggard.’ ’’ This question will, of course, enable A to identify the character. DUMB CRAMBO. This game is very interesting. The words chosen should rhyme. The players are divided into two equal sides, one side leaving the room, while the other decides upon a word. The first company are then informed that the second have chosen a word that rhymes with a certain other word (which is given); company No. 1 consult together; return to No. 2, and act in pan- tomime or tableau the word they have decided is the one chosen; and No. 2 are obliged to guess the word the other side are aeting. For instance, if the word “pair” is chosen, company No. 1 are informed that a word has been selected which rhymes with “lair.” Company No. 1 then consult together, return to the presence of No. 2, and, standing in a row, commence to smooth their hair and to arrange, as far as possible, that portion of their toilet. A member of company No. 2 will, perhaps, then ask, “Are you acting the word ‘hair’?’’ and upon being told that they are, he will reply, “The word is not ‘hair.’” The actors then retire, again consult, and tr3" once more. They enter the room with martial tread and form themselves into a square. They are asked il the word they are acting is “square,” and on replying that it is, they are again rejected. Finally two actors, a lady and a gentleman, enter the room, the former with a drapery over her head to represent a bridal veil. Another actor enters after them, and performs a marriage ceremony in pantomime. At this company No. 2 cannot but know that the word “pair” has been guessed, and so retire to take No. I’s place. If company No. 1 act in so obscure a manner as to baffle the guess- ing powers of No. 2, the latter must take No. I’s place; in this way Dumb Crambo is made interesting for both sides at once. The acting may be done by one or several persons from a side, if the entire side are not needed. PROVERBS. After the company arc assembled one person leaves the room, while those remaining decide on a proverb, of which a word is given to each per- son. If there are more players than words in the proverb, the latter may be given twice, or oftener ; and if there are more words than players, some GAMES. 67 of the players may take two words each. When ready, the person who left the room returns ; and before any questions are asked, tell the person where the proverb ends and which of the players have two words. Then he so questions the players that he guesses the word that each is trying to conceal. The answers must always contain the word sought. Here is an example: The proverb chosen being “Fine feathers make fine birds,” the guesser commences by asking the first person, “Is the proverb a familiar one ? ” The player answers, “ It is, indeed, and a fine one, too.” “ Do you like this game ? ” “I think it is fine, indeed.” Then the guesser probably guesses the word here, and passes to the next person with, “Don’t you think this a very pretty room?” to which the person addressed replies, “ Yes, indeed ! You can tell by the polish on the furniture that feathers are used in dusting, and not cloths, which always mar the surface ”; and so the game continues. He can often guess the proverb from two or three words. He has the privilege of passing to another member of the company before he has guessed the preceding word, and in this way is frequently given a clue that reveals the proverb at once. If the guesser fails, he may try the same proverb again, after paying a forfeit, or he may call for a new one. The last player questioned before the proverb is guessed is the next one to take the guesser’s place. The following proverbs are well adapted to this game: Make hay while the sun shines. Money makes the mare go. A stitch in time saves nine. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Out of the frying-pan into the fire. It never rains but it pours. It’s an ill wind that blows nobody good. When the cat’s away, the mice will play. Take care of the pence and the pounds will take care of themselves. Charity begins at home. TOPICS. This is a pleasing entertainment for Valentine evening. Procure pink heart-shaped cards, having two cards fastened together at the top left-hand side, with a pink cord and small pink pencil attached at the end. Write on the outside card, “Topic Entertainment,” and the date of the G8 GAMES. day, and on the inside the programme of topics, numbering each one, then on the opposite card put the numbers only. For example; 1. Valentines. 1 2. The last book I’ve read. 2 3. Romeo and Juliet. 3 4. Hard Times. ' 4 5. Cupid. 5 6. Hobbies. 6 7. Weather. 7 8. The Season’s Entertainments. 8 It adds to the entertainment to have a song, and instrumental piece played between every two or three topics. As the guests enter the room hand each a card. The gentlemen and ladies select partners to discuss the topics; for instance, A asks B to discuss Valentines with him, if B is not engaged for that topic, A puts his name opposite No. 1 on her card, and B’s name on his card. When all have filled their cards, a bell is rung and the gentlemen quickly find their partners to discuss No. 1 topic. Ten minutes is allowed for each topic, at the end of which time the bell is rung again and partners change for No. 2, after which a song is given; then the bell is rung for No. 3 topic — and so on until all the topics have been discussed. The gentleman takes the lady with whom he discussed the last topic to supper. PALMISTRY. A fortune-telling booth is usually one of the novelties to be found at a fair. The person chosen as fortune-teller should have some knowledge of palmistry, or of fortune-telling by cards; she should be dressed in gipsy cos- tume with face disguised, and the booth assigned to her should be darkened by shaded lamps and made as mysterious looking as possible. The following hands are divided into three different kinds: those with round pointed fingers, those with square tips, and those that are spade- sha])cd, with pods of flesh at each side of the nail. The first type— with round-pointed fingers — belong to characters with perceptions extra sensitive, to very pious people, to contemplative minds, to the impulsive, and to all poets and artists who have ideality as a prom- inent trait. GAMES. 69 The square-shaped belong to scientific people, sensible, self-contained characters, and to the class of professional men who are neither visionary nor altogether sordid. The spade-shaped type, with pods of flesh at the side of the nail, indi- cates people whose interests and instincts are mostly material. Each finger, no matter what kind of a hand it is joined to, has a joint representing each of those types^ The division of the finger that is nearest the palm stands for the body, the middle division represents mind, and the highest joint spirit or soul. If the top joint is longer than the others it denotes a character weak cned with a too abundant imagination, great ideality, and a leaning tow ard the theoretical rather than the practical. When the middle joint of the finger is long, it promises a logical mind, and when the lowest joint is longest it indicates a nature that clings more to the luxuries than to the refinements of life. If they are nearly alike, it indieates a well-balanced mind, especially if the length of the fingers equals the length of the palm. Vigor of constitution is indicated by a long, clear life line. Crosses are always unfavorable, no matter where they occur. Broad nails belong to gentle, nervous, bashful people. A chained head line indicates want of fixity of thought. A long liver line shows an excellent natural constitution. Poe had the ideally psychic hand, with very small thumb. Soft hands indicate a character lacking energy and force. The heart line, if narrow, deep, and of good color, running from “ Mount of Jupiter ” to “ Mercury,” shows strong and happy affections. A head line, which is even, long and slender, shows strong judgment and clear mind; if separated from the life line, shows self-confidence; if joined, want of same. TELEGRAMS. Some one reads 10 letters at random from a book, perhaps the letters with which 10 lines begin. Each player being provided with paper and pencil, must write a telegram, the 10 words of which should begin with the chosen letters, though not necessarily in the order in which they were announced. A general subject may be given out for all to “telegraph” about, or each may choose his own. The telegrams are signed and handed to one of the party, who then reads them aloud. 70 GAMES. HALLOWEEN PARTIES. In many places the young men used to be denied the privilege of these yearly revels, but in later years they are not only permitted to attend, but are also allowed to share in the various tricks devoted especially to Hal- loween. History repeats itself in these affairs as well as in others of greater moment, and the customs of bobbing for apj^les, roasting chestnuts and walking down the cellar-stairs backwards are kept up. Among the tricks of the season not so frequently tried is that of hanging a stick from the ceiling by a cord, with a short candle on one end and an apple on the other. The apple is named, and if caught in the teeth as it swings around, the fate of the young person is decided satisfactoril3^ Hot lead used to be a favorite article for these experiments, as it was poured through a wedding ring, and the form that it assumed was regarded as prophetic. Two rivals for the favors of the same young woman decided the mo- mentous question by placing a raisin on a string a yard long, each one tak- ing an end of the string in his mouth, and the one who reached the raisin first by chewing up the ends as fast as possible was supposed to win. A greased needle placed in a saucer of water, on a piece of thin tissue paper, was named, and the antics it performed suggested the manners, it was said, of the one whose name it bore. Look at the moon through a silk handkerchief that has never been washed and you will see sometimes several moons. Count them and expect as many years before marriage as you number moons. There are Other Days Nearly as Eventful as Halloween. The saint’s calendar is thickly sprinkled with mysterious occasions, and in parts of the Old World the girl who really wants to know has many op- portunities for finding out puzzling things. Saint Catherine’s Bay comes on November 25. On this night if a girl walks three times around a well, or any large receptacle filled with water, repeating the lines : “ A husband. Saint Catherine; A handsome one, Saint Catherine; A rich one, Saint Catherine; And soon. Saint Catherine.” Then the young man in turn goes round the well repeating the same lines, only instead of a husband say a wife. They will each see their future husband or wife reflected in the surface of the water. GAMES, 71 November has another fate day, St. Andrew’s Day. Between 11 and 12 o’clock at night, if one holds a willow branch in her hand and runs three times around a house, saying: “ He that is to be my good man come and grip the end,” she will feel the other end of the branch jerked suddenly, and if she has courage to look around she will see the one she has invoked. On next May Day go out in the evening and catch the first snail you spy. When you have brought him in spread fresh ashes over the hearth and make him crawl over its surface. The trail that he makes will form the initials of the one about whom most young people would like to know. Put all these days down in your diary and then pin your faith to super- stition. THANKSGIVING DAVE FROLICK. SUGGESTIONS FOR AN ENTERTAINMENT IN THE STYLE OF YE OLDEN TYME. - Sufficiently in advance to allow your friends time for preparation send out invitations to ye olden tyme Thanksgiving daye frolick, and intimate therein that appropriate costuming, in strict simplicity, is expected. The young women should wear print gowns and aprons and add the slight touch necessary to turn the prevailing tone of hair-dressing back one leaf farther in quaintness. The men must copy in dress Brother Jonathan’s por- traits. Have merely a violin, the “fiddle” of early days, for music, and dance gay country dances — the quadrille, Dan Tucker, Virginia reel, and so on, with calling off. The brighter the people that can be brought together and the better the acting of the parties the greater the success of the enter- tainment, of course. Cover the drawing-room carpet with crash, not only to assist dancing, but also to give an impression of bare floor primitiveness. Move away or cover up all elaborate bric-a-brac and sumptuous furniture. Decorate with corn-stalks, cedar boughs, pumpkins and strings of red peppers. A barrel or two of bright apples standing about would also add to the general effec- tiveness. In a conspicuous position place a table holding atra3^of molasses candy and a large plain white pitcher of sweet cider for the guests’ occa- sional refreshment. Have a large bowl of pop-corn on the table, also. Place on a table in a corner of the room a large pumpkin, decorated prettily with green. Put on the pumpkin a card, on which is printed, “A guessing contest” of how many seeds this pumpkin contains. Place on the table a basket containing blank cards and a lead pencil, and beside a box with a slit in the cover to drop the cards in. Have each guest write their name on the card 72 GAMES, with the number of seeds they guess under it. The assistants should take turns in having charge of this table. When through guessing have two of the young people cut the pumpkin open and count the seeds, while another person looks over the cards and puts down on a piece of paper the highest and lowest numbers guessed. Those two numbers are each given a prize. Very few city people guess over 40 or 50 seeds, and great will be their sur- prise when the census registers five or six hundred. If there is an open fireplace in the room, popping corn there might prove a pleasant change from the dancing, the operation forming a pivot upon which to hang amusing old-time stories and “singin’ .schule” songs, both in solo and chorus. All this intersperse with the eating of popcorn and apples and the drinking of cider. Rollicking dancing should end the evening, whatever the other diversions introduced may have been. And the old-time “groaning board” must be spread in the dining-room with early day favorite dishes — roast turkey and little pig served whole, baked beans and brown bread, Indian pudding, hot biscuits and rusks, cucumber and mango pickles, pot cheese, apple butter, damson preserves, fruit and pound cake and doughnuts, coffee with rich cream and glasses of milk. Every touch of realism in the hostess’ arrange- ments, every quaint bit of phraseology or manner in the guests, will add greatly to the charm of the event. A “RILEY” ENTERTAINHENT. A “Riley” entertainment makes a very unique and profitable affair for charity organizations holding fairs. The decorations of the parlors consist mainly of paper, which should be artistically entwined about pillar, post and picture. A large picture of James Whitcomb Riley is placed upon the wall facing the entrance, and over it in pasteboard letters : “ When the frost is on the pumpkin, And the fodder’s in the shock.” The young people who take part in the entertainment are dressed to represent Riley’s characters, and several of the most important preside over the booths. At one, which should be literally covered with paper flowers, “ ’ Lizabeth Ann, she can cook best things to eat,” sells cakes and pies. At another Riley’s poems and photographs are sold, and at still another, “ The raggedy man/ . He works for pa,” knocks down apples from an improvised apple tree as fast as he can sell them. And among the purchasers are “ Lit- tle Orphant Annie,” “Granny’s come to our house,” “The fishing party,” “ Max and Jim,” “ Pa and ma and me, all three,” and many others. GAMES. 73 While all are busy buying and tasting the good things, ‘ ‘ The old band ’ marches in, Playing old tunes ; Sich tunes as ‘John Brown’s body* and ‘Sweet Alice,’ don’t you know ? And ‘ The camels is a-comin ’ ’ and ‘John Anderson, my Jo.’ ” Have printed on a large card a couplet from one of Riley’s poems and hang it back of where the band is seated, for example: And stylisher and grander tunes, But somehow anyway I want to hear the old Band play such tunes as “John Brown’s Body,’’ etc. Later in the evening some of the Riley poems are recited. FORTUNE=TELLINa DOLL, A CLEVER IDEA AS A FEATURE FOR A FAIR OR ENTERTAINMENT. Here is an English idea for a money-making device at fairs or similar char- itable entertainments. It is a fortune-telling doll which any clever girl can make. The doll is mounted firmly on a stand and holds a pointer directed beneath her to a revolving disc of cardboard. The doll and the pointer remaining stationary while one paying the fortune-telling charge is allowed to spin the disc around. When it stops the pointer is directed to a sub-division of the disc on which is printed the fate of the person spinning the wheel. Here are some of the inscriptions on the disc : FORTUNES FOR MEN. If you marry the widow whose house is brown, You will have the finest establishment in town. Variety’s charming, we know very well, But if carried too far, you will lose the fair belle. The lady whom you’ll marry, of town is quite the belle, She rejoices in the very unassuming name of Nell. To speak your mind you still endeavor, Believe me, ’tis not always clever. ’Neath sunny skies, by lake of azure blue# A merry little maiden waits for you. Conceit, conceit, in every line I trace. Of your good-looking but transparent face. Society book. Public applause, Critics approve, Fame is yours. You despise my powers, but by this token, I tell you your engagement will be broken* 74 GAMES, FORTUNES FOR WOMEN. Yourself you think of first in everything, Forget yourself, some comfort it will bring. Dance with him, play for him, there let it end, Be in no way impressed by the letter he’ll send. Yes, tall and graceful will your hero be. Brave, rich, refined, this knight you soon will see. Two plain gold rings, ’twill be your lot to wear. One will bring happiness, the other care. Before the old year’s bells ring out, He will propose without a doubt. If you choose a lover with a golden egg, You will have plenty and will never beg. Pluck up your spirit, your lover is true, ^ But there’s worry for him, and a journey for you. If 3^ou decide to be his wife. In another clime you’ll pass your life. Any person with a little ingenuity can toss up piles of such sentiment as the above and by exercising a little wit there is no reason why there should be any lack of variety in the fortune-telling discs. TO PLAY nUSICAL WHIST. In these days when it is the fashion to understand and study wh’st, it is interesting to know that as a novelty for a bazaar the game has been in- troduced as “ musical whist with living cards.” Four players are seated upon raised seats ; a large, square cloth on the floor or on a platform or stage forms the card table. The cards are represented by persons in ap- propriate costumes, and the gowns for the court cards may be very ori- ginal. The clubs usually wear gray and white, the emblems being in black velvet, and have crowns of silver gray and jet. Hearts wear a pretty shade of green, with white, and the emblems are in red. Spades are in pink with black velvet emblems; diamonds in yellow, with deep red. The parts of the smaller cards may be taken by children in gowns of cream white and mob-caps, the cards being indicated in large characters on the front of their dresses, or they may carry an immense card, two feet in length and hung over the shoulders, hanging in shield fashion in front, on which are the spots of the card, and a card should hang at the back also and display the ordinary kind of a card back. GAMES, 75 The cards enter to the music of a march, and are preceded by two little pages clad in slashed satin suits, capes with ostrich tips, and carrying wands of silver. Shuffling, cutting and dealing are shown by a dance, and the cards then arrange themselves in front of their respective players. Each player indicates in turn the card to advance to the center, with musical accompaniment. The winning card of each trick leads the others to one corner of the square, where they form in file, and so on, closing up when six tricks are made on either side. At the conclusion of the game the tricks of the winning side lead off in triumph those of the losing side. A FAGOT PARTY, A fagot party is a pleasant way to spend an evening. After the guests have arrived a bundle of fagots about an inch long is brought in and the sticks are distributed. Each guest in turn puts a fagot in the fire and while it is burning must entertain the company. SONG SOIREE. This game is played the same as the “Art Soiree” only in the place of names of animals on the slips of paper, write the names of popular and patriotic songs such as, — “It was My Last Cigar,” “Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, the Boys are Marching,” “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean,” “ After the Ball,” “When the Robins Nest Again,” “Sweet Violets,” “Over the Garden Wall,” “Little Fisher Maiden,” etc., as each guest receives a slip of paper, they call out the number, and then draws on the black board such as a cigar for, — “It was my Last Cigar” then draw a large ball with a boy running after it for, — “After the Ball.” The guests in turn write on their paper what they think it is, opposite the number on their card. An ornament of a little Dresden china Piano is appropriate for the first prize and a brass horn for the booby. PROGRESSIVE NEEDLES, Arrange the tables in the room the same as you would for cards. In the center of each table place a dish containing a quantity of needles, ranging from very fine to very coarse. By the side of the dish a spool of thread No. 36. Aft^i* the guests have arrived draw for partners with numbers the same as you do for progressive cards. When the signal is given the one that gets the thread first breaks of a piece and threads a needle. The one that gets the thread next does the same. Each trying to see who can thread the most needles in the given time. Each needle must be threaded 76 GAMES, on a separate thread. Progress by partners the same as in cards. Before leaving the table draw the threads from the needles and replace in the dish. The time that is usually given is about three minutes. Each one keeps tally of the number of needles they have threaded, and at the end of the game, the lady and gentleman that thread the most receive a prize. A silver needle case is appropriate for the first price and a very unique prize for the booby is a diamond pin (dime and pin). Take a ring box and in the place where you put the ring .stand a nice new dime on one side, pin through the velvet, lengthwise, a common pin, then put the cover on, and when ready present it to the winner, with a good deal of ceremony. A PEANUT PARTY. FOR YOUNGSTERS. A clever way to amuse a troop of children is to invite them to a pea- nut party. For one lately given here, tiny cards of invitation were sent out, on each one of which two half peanut shells were fastened. A large quantity of the nuts were hidden about the house, and when the young folks arrived they were told to hunt them. They who found the most and least of them received prizes ; the first being a Chinese doll made from peanuts and dressed in crepe tissue paper, and the second a pig made from a large peanut. A string was glued on for a tail and four pins fur- nished the legs ; a few marks with pen and ink completed his pigship. A PENNY ENTERTAINMENT. A penny party is a very amusing entertainment for an evening. With the invitations request each guest to bring a penny, not for an admission fee but for use in the games. For each guest provide two cards and a pencil; one card should be blank, the other have a list of the things to be found on a penny. The list .should be numbered and each person is expected to make out as many as he could, prizes being awarded for the best and poorest list. Find — 1. Top of hill. 2. Place of worship. 3. An animal. 4. A fruit. 5. A common fruit. 6. Links between absent friends. 7. Union of youth and old age. 8. A vegetable. 9. Flowers. 10. What we fight for. 11. A metal. 12. A messenger. 13. A weapon of defense. 14. A weapon of warfare. 15. A body of water. 16. A beverage. 17. What young ladies want. 18. The most i)opular State. 19. What men work for. 20. Sign of royalty. 21. A jolly dog. GAMES. 77 The answers are— 1. Brow. 2. Temple. 3. Hare (hair). 4. Date. 5. Apple. 6. Letters. 7. 1894 (the date of the penny). 8. Ear. 9. Tulips (two lips). 10. Liberty. 11. Copper. 12. One sent (cent), 13. Shield. 14. Arrow. 15. Sea (c). 16. Tea (t). 17. Beau (bow). 18. United States (matrimony). 19. Money. 20. Crown. 21. A merry cur (America). Usually a half hour is allowed for filling out the blank cards, and after that some time for correcting the lists and awarding prizes. SILHOUETTES. For a ‘‘Silhouette Entertainment” the ladies’ names are written on blank cards and enclosed in envelopes, which are then put in a fancy basket and passed around to each gentleman in turn to take an envelope, and the lady mentioned on the card in his envelope is his partner, each to draw the other’s profile. All are then given pencil and paper — bookbinder’s paper, white on one side and black on the other, is the best — and if the company is a large one, place at one end of the room three boards, so that three coupled can then be employed at one time. Tack the paper black side next to the board ; the lady then sits in a chair, so that the shadow of her profile will be cast on the paper by an unshaded lamp or candle, and the gentlemai? carefully traces out her profile, after which she traces his profile. When thr three couples have finished, the traced paper is removed; others take theif places, while they adjourn to another room, where should be a table sup- plied with white paper, four or five pairs of scissors, and two bottles of library paste, the parties sitting down and cutting out carefully the traced heads and pasting them on white paper, with the black side out. When a i are ready, pin the silhouettes on a screen, and the guests vote which is best, next best, and the poorest, and prizes are given to the ones decided upon. A RIDDLE ON THOUGHTS. After telling the players what is expected of them, one of the gentlemen asks: “What is my thought like?” He is answered at random by all the others in turn and he writes them down in the order received. First one says it is like an elephant. Second, like grass. Third, is like the sky and Fourth is like a tea-kettle. After the answers are all given then he says: “I have been thinking of Miss Mary S. and why is she like an elephant. He is answered because she carries her trunk with her when she travels; she is like the grass because her wit is as sharp and pointed as their blades; she is like the sky because she is far above you, and she is like a teA-kcttle because she sin^s, etc., etc- 78 GAMES. FLORAL SALAD. This is one of the latest forms of serving salad. The unique way in which it is served is very appropriate for a floral entertainment. When the time foi this course arrives the butler and his assistant manor maid appear bearing broad, snowy florists’ baskets, heaped with bouquets of an ordinary’ size and composed of roses and ferns, or orchids and smilax^ always two or more brightly colored contrasting flowers, with delicate greenery. The bouquet is somewhat ornately made, the flowers all wired and the stems bound with abundant bows and streamers of rich satin ribbon. The butler and his assistant offer their baskets that every guest may choose a bouquet, and find right in the center, deep among the flowers, a closely folded head of lettuce held in form by narrow green ribbons. This is plucked from the nosegay, laid on one’s plate, the ribbons untied and the leaves spring apart to display a very, very thin gelatine cup, holding tomato jelly with mayon- naise, or minced fowl, lobster, or celery, with the suitable dressing. The gelatine cup quickly melts awa^^ the dressing and mince meat overflow the lettuce, the salad is then eaten with as much relish as though served in the conventional way, and the bouquets remain as souvenirs for the guests to carry home. FLORAL PARTIES. When giving invitations have in one corner of the card the word “floral.” Decorate the rooms as prettily as possible, and the tables also. Be- fore announcing refreshments distribute cards among your guests, on each of which is written a line of a poem. Inform them that the line on each card matches a line on some other card, and when joined will form couplets from well-known poets, and are all about flowers. The holders must match cards, and so find escorts to dinner. Have for some of the lines : Another: In May, when sea- winds pierced, in solitude I found the fresh rhoda in the woods. — Emerson. Buttercups that will be seen. Whether we will see or no. — Wadsworth. O sweet is the new violet. That comes beneath the skies. — Tennyson. GAMES, 79 When sunset clouds are hued with rose, Down garden paths my lady goes To pluck the pink sweet peas. — Clinton Scollard. There are many pretty couplets by Shakespeare, Longfellow, Camp- bell, Felicia Hemans and others. After dinner, when in the parlors, arrange small tables as if for cards, with a supply of paper and pencils. Announce that the game is to be a “floral tale,” told by questions and answers, and that a prize will be awarded to the person answering the most questions. “ What was her name ? ” “Lily.” An adjective that just fits Lily and her brother. Ans. — Sweet William. What is a favorite sport for young people in winter ? Ans. — Snow ball. What is a boys’ favorite musical instrument ? Ans. — Trumpet. The early hour in which he woke his father by playing on it ? Ans.— Four o’clock. With what did he punish him ? Ans. — Birch rod. What did this make the boy do ? Ans. — Balsam. What office in the Presbyterian Church did his father hold ? Ans. — Elder. The young man’s name and what he wrote it with ? Ans. — Jonquil. What he being single often lost ? Ans. — Bachelor Buttons. What did he do when he popped the question ? Ans. — Aster. To whom did she refer him ? Ans. — Poppy. What minister married them ? Ans.— Jack-in-the-Pulpit. What did John say when he was obliged to leave her for a time. Ans. — Forget-me-not. What color was the horse that his father rode ? Ans. — Sorrel. How much was he worth? Ans. — A (mint) of gold. DESCRIBE marigold’s FATHER. He was an awful old (Snap Dragon) and his temper was like (Sour Grass), he also had an (Adder’s Tongue), his hair was like the (Flax) of pure Germanic type, he wore a (Dutchman’s Breeches), he smoked a (Dutchman’s Pipe), his daughter’s path was twined with (Bittersweet), it did not run through clover, etc., etc. The prize may be a lovely water-color of flowers. 80 GAMES, FLORAL GAME. For this game write on separate sheets of note paper a number of stories, leaving a space here and there to be filled out by the players with a name of a flower appropriate to the sentence ; then give each guest a pencil and one of the stories. After filling the spaces with names of different flowers, the stories are read aloud, which create much amusement. The following is an example of how one of the stories may be written, the dots are to represent the space, but remember not to put the name of the flower there; A young man named Sweet William and his friend jiiVquii invited Maiigoid and Miss j,— to go fishing. They a - morning-glory. ■ and Miss ■ at ■ lou.veiick before the sun brought forth the - — ^^er prepari. 'g a lunch of „;i,kw - d and candied ---iivi and -•••••—•; they called for the young ladies who wore ——daisy gowns trimmed with Their "poppy they must not go without a chaperon, so aunt *"chrysanthemum offered her services. Her gown was black silk with '"■pansybiossoms.*'**’ ^ bcautiful Spring day, and now and then as they walked along they stopped and picked ‘Qiflowefs trim their hats. When they came to the woods •" said, ‘‘oh, don’t go that way, for the around and the out.” On ariving at the gave each a with a Jon-Quil » V, V, xa w, goldenrod ** dandy line (dandelion) and they baited them with the catchfly » they took their " toiditoois- and placed them on the — morning fishing amid much enjoyment. Finally, as they started for home, they met a young friend, and as he went to shake Marguerite’s white hand, he slipped on — beneath her dainty VadyiiFperV ^ - y^iioWro^ O. which so embarrassed the young man that he turned away with a bieedYiiSh^art; exclaiming, I am going to be and shall forever bku;lielor'ii>'button. forget-me-not 1 more wear a •• GAMES. 81 THE FORTUNES OF PLAYERS. One person is chosen as secretary while the rest of the players are seated around the tables and are supplied with pencil and paper. The secretary orders each to write his name at the head of the paper and fold it over, after which the secretary collects the papers and distributes them again saying: “Character.” Then each one writing out an imaginary character hands it again to the secretary who again distributing the papers says : “Past;” “Present;” “Future;” and so continues with each as directed. The papers are finally collected by the secretary, unfolded and read aloud. For example: Robert Adam, character: Kind and genial and ready to do a good turn to a friend, even to lending him a dollar; also successful in all undertakings. Past: Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but he began his illustrious career as a vendor of peanuts. Present : Rolling in affluence, he snaps his fingers in the face of his old companions and refuses to acknowledge them. Future: As president of the council he will raise a racket by opposing the three cent car fare. Fate: A blushing damsel will captivate his youthful heart and will make him happy forever. Fortune: In his old age he will have three acres of land and a cow, which will be his all sufficient patrimony. Of course each paper will be different and on reading them, the amuse- ment afforded can be imagined better than described. ANAGRAITS. Anagrams are the transposition of the letters of a word, phrase or short sentence, so as to form a new word or sentence. The best anagrams are such as have, in the new order of letters, some signification appro- priate to the word from which they are formed. Astronomers. — No more stars. Sweetheart. — There we sat. Midshipman. — Mind his map. Presbyterian. — Best in prayer. Penitentiary. — Nay I repent it. Parliament. — Partial men. An easy way to play the game of anagrams, is to have ready several sets of the alphabet, each letter written on a small card, or purchase the cards with printed letters. Put the letters in separate boxes, that is, the A’s in one box, B’s in another, etc. ; then after giving to each one a word selected from the letters, the player forms a sentence appropriate to the word, as shown above. 82 GAMES. A STORY IN ANAGRAnS. Another method of playing the game of anagrams is to write short stories, putting the anagram in a sentence appropriate to it, and drawing a line under to show which is the anagram. The following is an example : Thinking that you, dear neat Chair, would soon come to the red nuts and gin of what I write you in a rag man of my visits with a ery mangle on the I hire parsons. As we were walking along, talking about the good deeds of Flit on eheering angel, we suddenly met a crowd around the moon starer. Asking him if it was a rare mad frolie, he said ’t/s no demon's art that he was holding his the bar watching the moon shining up with o/7 soap and trying to enlighten the ten tea pots of different countries. We did not take much tsock in their real fun or to love ruin. Two sly ware came up to us and said we don’t see much the law in this. We had never sympathized with the doctrines of Sin sat on a tin tar tub. Our first call was on a pop- ular house rats, who had just returned from an horse eart concert. We had a pleasant call, and as we came out we saw a go nurse and Dr. Rieh able man driving at full speed. In great no stern aetion we followed them, and found a just master hurt by the cars. When the excitement was over we were Tim in a pet to return home, so that ended our visits to the I hire par- sons. ANSWERS TO ANAGRAM STORY. Cath \rinc. — Neat chair. Understanding. — Red nuts and gin. Anagram. — A rag man. Clergyman. — Crymangle. Parishioners. — I hire parsons. Florence Nightingale. — Flit on cheering angel. Astronomer. — Moon starer. Radical reform. — Rare mad frolic. Demonstrations. — ’Tis no demon’s art. Breath. — The bar. Sapolio. — Oil Soap. Potentates. — Ten tea pots. Fun- eral. — Real fun. Revolution. — To love ruin. Lawyers. — Sly ware. Wealth. '—The law. Transubstantiation- — Sin sat in a tin tar tub. Authoress. — GAMES. 83 House rats. Orchestra. — Horse cart. Surgeon. — Go nurse„ Chamberlain. — Rich able man. Consternation. — No stern action. Jamc.i Stuart. — A just master. Impatient. — Tim in a pet. The following Anagrams are appropriate for the stories* Enigmatical. — In magic talc. Breakfast. — Fat bakers. Misanthrope. — Spare him not. Peregrinations. — 0, stranger! I pine. Punishment. — Nine thumps. A joint-stock company. — Mock joy-a-tin-pan-cost ! Old England. — Golden land. Telegraphs. — Great helps. Solemnity. — Yes, Milton. Malt-house. — Oh use malt. Somersault. — Roast mules. W. E. Gladstone. — We lads get on. Napoleon. — Pale noon. Oratorio. — I roar too. CHRONOGRAMS. Roman numerals may concoct a suitable sentence for any remarkable event you select. For example, Queen Elizabeth’s death was in 1603, Roman numerals MDCIII. The chronogram reads thus: “My Day is Closed In Immortality.” Raphael died in 1520, MDXX: “My Deeds eXceed expectation.” William Con invades Britain, 1066, MLXYI: “Mightj^ Leader cXpect Victory Invading England.” A CIRCULATING LIBRARY PARTY. Each guest comes representing in person or dress the title of some book. All are given cards and pencils, and an hour is passed in reading the bound volumes and in “circulating.” A guess as to the title of the book that each person represents is then written on each card, and the 84 GAMES. person who guesses the largest number correctly is given a prize. A booby prize is also given. A game played to lengthen such an evening consists of guessing the meaning of a number of cards (the cards being passed from one to another) upon which are drawings each representing the title of a book. “ The Little Minister,” ‘‘The Orange Bow,” ‘‘The Woman in White,” “Darkest Africa,” the “Ring and the Book,” “The Rose of a Hundred Leaves,” “ The Squirrel Inn,” and many other books that can be easily represented, but not so easily guessed will soon occur to one who is looking for a character for “The Circulating Librar3^” Many others will be sug- gested by looking over the catalogue of some library. Another method of a library game is an observation of book titles. For this, have a large table in the center of the room and on it place objects to represent the title of books such as a little toy boat with three paper men ia it and a little china dog beside the boat, this represents the title: “ Three Men in a Boat, Say Nothing of the Dog,” “ Two in a Tower.” Make a tower of cardboard and put a large figure 2 on top in the center. “Fair Women of Castile.” A cake of castile soap and beside it two or three pictures of beautiful women. “Forum.” Four little bottles in a row with the label “rum” on each. “Leather Stocking Tales.” A piece of leather and two fur tails pinned to a stocking. “A Rose in Bloom.” A picture of a full blown rose or a natural rose. “ Nicholas Nickleby.” A nickle (5 cents) the word us another nickle and a picture of a bee. “Pick Wick Papers.” A tooth pick, a lamp wick, place these on two newspapers. “ Trilby.” Represent on a staff of music a note to be trilled and put a picture of a bee after it. Each guest should be supplied with a pencil and paper and at a given signal they try to guess from the objects on the table the title of the book ; writing on their paper what they think it is. The hostess limits the time according to the number of books repre- sented (say two or three quarters of an hour). A prize of a nice book is given to the one who guesses the most correct answers and a conundrum book to the booby. GAMES. 85 AN OLD MOTHER GOOSE PROGRESSIVE EUCHRE PARTY. A number of quaintly, but exquisitely hand-painted cards should be provided in place of the usual ribbon favors, and each guest selects a card at random. At the upper right hand corner of each card should be a picture illustrating in an original way the idea conveyed by one or two lines from Old Mother Goose’s nursery rhymes. The cards intended for the gentlemen should have the first line or lines of the rhymes and those for the ladies con- tain the concluding lines of the verses. For instance, on one card, intended for a gentleman guest, should be written the important information that ‘‘Tommy Snooks and Bessie Brooks went walking on a Sunday.” and the figures of “Tommy” and “Bessie,” true to life, depicted in the opposite corner. The card which matches this one contains the sequel to the story : “Said Tommy Snooks to Bessie Brooks, to-morrow will be Monday.’^ The accompanying picture expresses the pleasure with which “Bessie” receives the information vouchsafed by “Tommy.” The gentlemen find their partners by matching the quotations on the cards. FAMOUS NUITBERS. Write as many numbers as you desire on slips of paper, fold each and put them in a dish. When passed each player takes one but must not look at the number, each one in turn calls off' his number and immediately names as many famous objects or people as the number calls for, one person keeps tally of how many numbers each answer correctly. Those that answer incorrectly pay a forfeit. If the company is not too large the number may be distributed four or five times. For example : A is called first, he looks at his number, and says I have drawn the famous number 9. I think the nine Muses are famous. B says I have drawn the famous number 4. Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring are a famous four. C says I have drawn the famous number 2. Our two greatest generals, Washington and Grant. And so the play continues until all the numbers are drawn. The following are appropriate answers. No. 12 — The 12 months, or the 12 Caesars. No. 5. — The five senses are very famous. Seeing, Hearing, Smelling, Tasting and Touching. No. 1 — Shakespeare, the one most famous. No. 4 — Earth, Air, Fire and Water, are the most famous in power. No. 8 — An octave in music, the most famous eight I know of; this answer not correct will have to pay a forfeit. 86 GAMES. SIX ORIGINAL FORFEITS FOR A PARTY. FOR GENTLEMEN. 1. To give a correct imitation of the process of shaving himself. 2. To give a short stump oration on any given subject suggested by a lady. 3. To go through correctly (to the satisfaction of the ladies present) the process of threading an imaginary needle and sewing on an imaginary button, giving at the same time a verbal explanation. FOR LADIES. 4. To sing the three first lines from three popular songs, without pausing. 5. To act, to the best of her ability, the three sensations of fear, joy and sorrow. 6. To recite a line from any well known poem backward. CONCERT COniCAL. The concert affords a great deal of amusement, and is a very laugh- able game. One of the performers plays the air on the piano. The rest of the performers are each provided with a wine glass and a spoon, on which they are to play by striking lightly the edges of the glass at every place marked by the music. The second time it is played they are to clap hands at the same places ; the third, the men are to whistle ; at the fourth, the per- formers are to laugh, last, a grand final of spoons and the glasses. ‘^Yankee Doodle,” “Up in a Balloon Boys,” or any familiar tune played slowly will answer. A SURPRISE GAME. Tell everybody in the room that you will give to each, in a whisper, the name of some animal whose peculiar cry they are to imitate in concert at a given signal. To all but two persons a lady and gentleman, the simple charge to “keep perfectly silent” is given. Tell the lady to bark like a dog, and the gentleman to crow like a rooster. Then saying all be ready when I say three. Count, “one; two; three!” When a lusty crow and bark from the victims of the joke and a laugh from the others, tell them that the general amusement has been at their expense. 87 GAMES. GAflE OF QUOTATIONS. For this game supply each member of the company with paper and pencil and have each one write their name at the top of the paper Then some one rising gives a quotation, while all the other players write their names upon their paper, and opposite it the name of the author to whom they attribute his quotation. After each in turn has given a quotation and has written the names as directed, the papers are collected and re-distrib- uted, care being taken that no one shall receive his own. Then each again rising repeats the quotation originally given, this time giving the name of the author; the other players correcting meanwhile the papers held by them. The person who has given the largest number of authors correctly, wins a prize. For example the first player rises and says : Handsome is that handsome does. The next says : Again at Christmas did we weave The holly round the Christmas hearth. The next : “ Colors seen by candle-light. Do not look the same by day. And so on until all have given quotations. When the papers are exchanged, No. 1 again rising says : Handsome is that handsome does. — Goldsmith. No. 2. Again at Christmas did we weave The holly round the Christmas hearth. — Tennyson, No. 3. Colors seen by candle-light Do not look the same by da3’. — Mrs. Browning. If any player has substituted some other name for that of Browning, Tennyson or Goldsmith, or has failed to write the name of any author, it must be marked as incorrect. One person then collects and compares all the papers and announces the winner of the prize. 88 GAMES. BOUQUET GAME. One of the party should be appointed to conduct the game and be supplied with paper and pencil. Each pla3^er in turn gives him the names of three flowers for her bouquet, while he in turn writes their names on his paper, and after each flower writes the names of three persons in the room. He then demands of the player, who has composed the bouquet, what he intends to do with them. On hearing the answers the names of the three persons are read aloud. For example : Miss A choose three flowers; A rose, carnation and a \i\y. The leader saj^s: “Now what will you do with the rose?” Miss A.: “Put it in a vase.” “The carnation?” “I will carry it to a party.” “The Lily?” “Will throw it out of the window.’' The leader then says, you will put Mr. S. in a vase. Mr. M. you will carry to a party, and Mr. T. you will throw out of the window. The leader should have a separate paper for each player and write their names at the top. When they are all finished (as directed above) then the leader reads off what each one has done with their bouquet. It affords more amusement not to have the players know the names the leader gave to their flowers until they are read. THE CURTAILED PIG. Cut a figure of a large pig from black paper cambric and baste it on the center of a sheet. Then stretch it tightly across a doorwa^q tacking it securely. The pig must be minus a tail, also his ears. Have made out of the cambric ears and tail appropriate for the pig, and on each one paste a small piece of white paper to write the names of each player on as you hand them the tails and ears. When all is ready, the players are blindfolded in turn, placed facing the pig a few steps back in the room. Then turned around rapidly two or three times and told to advance with the tail or ear held at arms length and with a pin previously inserted in the end, attach it to the cloth wherever they first touch it. When each person has adorned the cloth with tails and ears, the person who has .succeeded in fastening the appendage the nearest to its natural dwelling place, receives a prize, as does also the player who has given the most eccentric position. This is a very amusing game as very few will get the tail or cars, intrusted to their care, in the right place. GAMES. 89 A QUOTATION flENU. This menu is appropriate to use at a quotation party. The quotation menu is said to have had its rise in Boston — the home of culture — and to Boston is due the latest improvement of the menu, which consists in setting forth the bill of fare in appropriate quotations only, leaving the guests to divine for themselves the names of the dishes to which they apply. The Household y by request, has prepared such a menu, made up entirely of Shakespeare quotations. Had the choice not been limited to Shakespeare quotations, the task would have been easier and much more amusing. The answers are put in brackets so that there could be no mistake, but they should be numbered and printed on a separate paper, leaving a blank space for the guests to write their answers on. The menu is as follows : (The invitation). Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. — Merry Wives of Windsor. (O^^sters). The world’s mine oyster. Which I with sword will open. — Merry Wives. (Celery). Cum grano salis. (Olives). Drowned already, sir, with salt water, — Twelfth Night. (Radishes). A brittle glory. — Richard II. (Soup). A hot friend cooling. — Julius Caesar. (Salted Almonds). Some relish of the saltness of time. — II Henry lY. (Fish). Thy blood is cold ; Thou hast no speculation in those eyes Which thou dost glare with. — Macbeth. (Chafing dish entree). If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twerc well It were done (juickly. — Macbeth. ( Peas). How green you are and fresh. — King John. GAMES. 90 (Roast Turkey). Stuffed with all honorable virtues. — Much Ado. (Spinach Souffle). The earth hath bubbles as the water has, And these are of them. —Macbeth. (Sherbet). Then farewell heat and welcome frost. — Merchant of Venice. (Game). What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl ? — Twelfth Night. (Salad). I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in’t. — Twelfth Night. (Cheese). I have been acquainted with the smell before. — Two Gentlemen of Verona. (Dessert). Trifles light as air. — Othello. Sweet, not lasting. —Hamlet. The perfumes and suppliance of a minute. — Hamlet. (Coffee). Although the last, not least. — Lear. (Bon Bons). See “ Sweets to the sweet.” — Shakespeare. A WINTER TOUR THROUGH THE UNITED STATES. Write your invitation in the following manner : Dear Miss B. or Mr. S., I am making up a party to take a tour through the United States. It will be very select, and I should like the pleasure of numbering you among the tourists. I have had large experience in all modern modes of travel, and being a linquist of no mean ability, I can act as interpreter to any form of the United States” language. The cars are well lighted, evenly heaced by furnace and built for use. The train will start from New York at 8:30 P. M., Friday, November 16th. Meals are included. The accompanying coupon will entitle you to a ticket and all the privi- leges of the party. Please i)rcscnt it at the ticket office on the evening of the start. The coupon is not transferable. Gertrude Lee. GAMES. 91 Enclose with the invitation a ticket which is printed on buff paper in regulation length and reads as follows : FROLICTOWN & CONUNDRUMVILLE GREAT WESTERN RAILWAY. The Great Northwestern Route. “Puddinhead Wilson,” Receiver. This entertainment affords a great deal of amusement. The places where the tourists stop are in the form of conundrums. Take as many sheets of paper as yon have guests, and have a pencil attached to each. Then on each sheet make out a ticket by writing down as many stations as the tourists will stop at. Then opposite the numbers write your ques- tion, leaving a blank space for the tourists to put down their answers. The answers of the questions are written on a separate paper and are given in charge of the one who is to decide which ticket has the most correct answers. For example: No. I. The gentlemen are given the privilege to hunt for a wild animal. Ans. — Buffalo. * II. An opera encore. Ans. — Sing Sing. III. An accident which results in a ducking. Ans. — Fall River. IV. An improvement on the ship which grounded on Mount Arrarat. Ans. — Newark. V. Named for an ancient city whose downfall after a long siege avenged the abduction of a woman. Ans. — Troy. VI. A superlative and rushing waters. Ans. — Grand Rapids. VII. A girl’s name and a Roman garment. Ans. — Saratoga. VIII. Where all have been. Ans. — Boston. IX. Named for the father of our country. Ans. — Washington. X. A purely American product and a continuous structure. Ans. — Cornwall. XI. A place for the lingerers. Ans. — Tarrytown. XII. A high place and what all children love. Ans. — Mount Desert. XIII. A military defense and a Paris dressmaker. Ans. — Fort Worth. XIV. After leaving this last station we were reminded on every hand by an ocean west of Australia. Ans. — Indians. (India Ocean.) XV. Our board of city fathers, also a precipice. Ans. — Council Bluffs. XVI. An exclamation, an appeal to maternity, a laugh. Ans. — Omaha. 92 GAMES, XVII. A city whose end and aim is “go.” Ans. — Chicago. XVIII. Named from the King of France who reigned from 1226 to 1270, A. D. Ans. — Louisville. XIX. The greatest engineering feat. Ans. — Wheeling. The guests should be arrayed in traveling costumes and should arrive on time. On entering the door they observe a screened corner with the con- ventional ticket window, behind which sits a young man to take the tickets. On presenting the ticket he will hand each guest a paper with their name written at the top and on which are the names of the stations. A gay baggagemaster stands at the foot of the stairs to take the wraps from the guests. Promptly at 8:30 the passengers are all supposed to have arrived and are allowed to pass through the gate into the sitting room and take seats in the parlor car ; then when all are seated a young man blows the whistle, another calls ” all aboard,” a third clangs a bell and they are supposed to have started. , A limited time is given, and when the fun is at its height, the conductor calls out that the train has stopped and the passengers are requested to repair to the dining-room for dinner. Gertrude collects the papers and at the same time hands each one a printed menu with a pencil attached, for them to write down answers to the dishes on the menu. While the passen- gers are eating dinner, Gertrude and an assistant decide which two have given the most correct answers to the names of stations, to which give a miniature grip and a Saratoga trunk. To the two who guesses the most correct answers in the menu give to one a double wine glass filled with wine which is a good imitation of a glass of wine, and to the other a pretty bon bon dish filled with bon bons. Print the menu as follows, only leave a blank space for the answers, which should be on a separate paper : 1. Thin but hot — Soup. 2. Joy of “ The Fourth ” — Crackers. 3. A white child with green hair from a black home — Celer3^ 4. A country of Europe — Turke}'. 5. Dasal — Salad. 6. Decorated bivalves — Scalloped Oysters. 7. What mother “needs ” — Bread. 8. 2 o’s, 2 t’s, 1 a and a p; i)ut them togctlier and you’ll spell me— J*otat(jes. GAMES. 93 9. What some noses do — Tnrnip (up). 10. A female Indian plus a tree — Squa(a)ch (squash). 11. On-is-on — Onions. 12. Inspissated sap — 13. The result of a cold and the end of life — Cough-e (Coffee). 14. T— Tea. Desserts — 16. Confused type — Pi — Pie; 17. Musical nuts — Doughnuts (do); 18. He see C — Cheese ; 19. Frozen noise — Ice Cream; 20. See ache, C-ake (cake). Some nuts to crack — 21. Laz-he — Hazel; 22. Pance — Pecan; 23. Mad-lon — Almond ; 24. Ch^^-ko-ri — Hickory ; 25. No-arc — Acorn ; 26. Bunt-ru-ett— Butternut ; 27. Hunt-tecs— Chestnut ; 28. Nawl-tu— Walnut ; 29. Tu-oc-anoc — Cocoanut;30, Ce-beh— Beech. Be sure and have your answers on a separate paper and numbered ac- cordingly. AN AUTUMN SOCIAL. The invitations are issued, written on cards in a corner of which is painted in water-colors a tiny hand scattering autumn leaves broadcast. When autumn leaves are plentiful they should be gathered, pressed be- tween blotting paper and treated to a thin coating of white varnish, bring- ing out all the beautiful colors. Naked branches of trees should be wired with them and placed in con- venient and unique places over mantle and pier glass to reflect their splen- dor. All brilliant lights are prohibited and pumpkins posted all over the house hold the soft candle-lights that are placed in their enclosure. Grotesque faces should be cut in them to let through the light, or tiny pumpkins hung in chandelier form, holding tall candles, while pumpkin vases in the shape of flowers (scalloped at the top) hold asparagus greens, with sprays of red berries, autumn leaves and goldenrod. Sheaves of wheat, grasses, cat-tails and slender corn stalks are the dec- orations in the dining room, where a long table with 30 covers is spread. If not convenient to seat as many use lunch tables with a smaller centre table. 94 GAMES. If one chooses place a pumpkin with faces cut in it over each gas jet in the chandelier. Autumn leaves are so suspended from the ceiling on tiny wires that with the least rustle in the room they quiver and give the impression that they are about to fall. An autumn leaf centerpiece is an attractive feature, being maple leafs placed in an oval shape, so as to form or represent the embroidered center- piece so much in vogue. A large glass bowl is filled with beautiful chrysan- themums. The menu cards should be two pretty, highly-colored maple leaves, with a card closely fitted and cut to match the notches in the leaves, placed be- tween — on which the menu is written ; long stems are left on and tied to- gether with knots and streamers of gayly-colored ribbons to match thereds and golds in the leaves. These are carried away as souvenirs of the occasion, as well as golden ears of corn — a few kernals taken out to be replaced by a tiny calendar — the special date of the event being marked and the ear tied with red ribbon. The menu is not of a conventional nature,but rather verged toward the other extreme, only enhancing the novelty the more. Sweet cider should be served in small dipper-shaped gourds. Gourds in various sizes hold ices, jellies, sugar plums, popcorn and nuts, to say nothing of scalloped boat- shaped pumpkin bowls that hold the brimming sweets and red-cheeked apples. The guests may be entertained before supper with instrumental music, essays, songs, or anything pertaining to autumn. After supper clear the floor for dancing. AN AUTUriN PICNIC. The rooms may be decorated for an autumn picnic the same as for an autumn social, only decorate one room as near as you can to represent woods. Have the fireplace arranged so as to roast ears of corn in it, then have on a table near by ears of corn and all the conveniences for roasting. In a corner, with cosy seats, place a large bowl of hickory nuts, cracked, Y/ith some small plates and nutpicks beside them. Have hanging in a convenient place a large bunch of bananas and arrange around the rooms any fruits that would be suitable for picnics. The invitations arc given out the same as for the “ Autumn Social,” only requesting the guests to come arrayed in picnic garb. The costumes GAMES. 95 should be many and odd. For example: A young man six feet tall should wear blue jean overalls that belonged to a man a foot lower in the world than himself. A blue-checked farmer’s blouse, a hat, through the crown his abundant crop of blonde hair protruded itself, and the inevitable red ban- danna completes his equipment and makes him appear like an overgrown farmer lad. There should be others with big boots and full suits of blue jean. Old-fashioned ginghams, calicoes, etc., and big picnic hats distin- guish the farmer lasses of the party. Red bandannas should be numerous. About nine-thirty in the evening the dinner is served. It differs in no way from the regulation menu except that lemonade is served instead of coffee or chocolate. The following recipe makes a aelicious cake to serve at the Picnic: One cup of brown sugar, two tablespoonfuls of butter, two-thirds of a cup of sweet milk, two eggs, one-third of a cup of grated chocolate melted with a little hot water, one teaspoonful of soda dissolved in a little hot water, one teaspoonful of baking powder, one teaspoonful of vanilla flavor- ing and two cups of flour, with almond frosting. It is called “ devil’s food.” The sandwiches for this winter Picnic should be cut with a round cake- cutter in disks to represent tennis balls; others, for which a special cutter can be made by the local tinsmith, representing tennis rackets; a tiny olive pressed into the wide end represents the ball. The apples are polished until they shine, and are served from baskets. The guests may be entertained by dancing, also games which are suit- able for picnics. TALLY=HO BEZIQUE. A delightful game for a carriage party on a long drive is not properly classed with evening amusements for the house, but is mentioned here be- cause it is useful. One who has never tried it will be surprised to find how much pleasure is to be had from a game so simple. Suppose your party consists of six people, riding in a three-seated conveyance. The three on the right hand make one side (always include the driver in this game, for he is the most powerful aid, as you will see), and the three on the left hand form the other side. The game consists in naming and counting the ani- mals passed on either side of the road as one drives. A horse, cow, sheep, dog, cat or hen, indeed, any of the lower animals except those that fly in the air or creep on the earth, counts. A human being counts 20, a yellow 96 GAMES. dog counts 100, and a cat looking out of a window counts 250; a white horse counts 50, a bay horse 25, a black horse 60, sheep count 5, a black sheep counts 10, hens count 3, a rooster 5, a cow counts 20, a white cow counts 40, a common dog counts two and a pig counts 4. The side which counts 1,000 first wins the game and a new one is started. Sometimes the contest becomes very exciting. The driver directs his course to the right or left of the horses, cows or sheep met in the way for the benefit of his side; an interested player jumps out and drives a stray animal out of its eourse for his benefit, and all sorts of devices are adopted for bringing peo])le to the doors and windows to be counted. Sometimes the company is a very thirsty one and must have numerous drinks of water, or stops often to enquire the way at the scattered farm-houses, and of course every human being that appears on the scene counts 20 for the one side or the other. Give each one a small blank book with the names of each object and what it counts written on the first page. Each one keeps tally on a blank page the same as they do in Bezique. This is enjoyed by both old and young and is variously called Coaching Bezique. The side that succeeds in getting two games of 1,000 each, is treated by the opposite side to a box of bon-bons or a stick of candy to each. RECIPES FOR TROUBLE. If down with the blues read Psalm x^iii. If there is a chilly sensation about the heart. Revelations iii. If you do not know where to look for the next month’s rent read Psalm xxvii. If lonesome and Unprotected Psalm xcvii. If the stovepipe has fallen down and the cook gone off mad, wash your hands and read James iii. If losing confidence in men I Corinthians iii. If pelted with hard words John xvi and Psalm ii. If discouraged about your work Psalm xii and Galatians vi, 7-9. If all out of sorts read Hebrews xii. These reci]K*s have been tested and can be relied on always to turn out well. GAMES. 9T TEACUP SCIENCE. Teacup science is the wild witchcraft in which our great grandmothers delighted a hundred years ago. Your fate is told by the position of the grounds in the cup when the tea has been consumed. The tea is all sipped but a very few drops, which serve to keep the grounds in circulation. The cup is whirled three times about. Then turned into the saucer and turned three times again. The fortune teller then raises the cup and begins the reading. The indications of fate are numerous. A few of the most important are as follows : The lover, a man or woman, is represented b}" a number of dots in which one figure stands separate. Two side by side mean an engagement, while three show marriage. An offer of marriage is shown by a kneeling figure in the cup. A group or groups of dots settled three in a row, mean a prospect of acceptance. Without them the lover has no chance. Three large dots in the shape of a parallelogram should be watched. These mean illness, bad news, or loss of money. Three large dots in trian- gular shape mean just the contrary — good news, good fortune and good health. Four dots in square form tell of an important letter. A dot within the square or just outside, means something in the letter which you will like to hear, or something you will want to receive, as money. Small fla kes within the square or near it indicate bad news in the epistle. If you wish for something with great fervor, three dots in the form of a triangle bid you hope. The wish is about to come true. If you are hoping for, or dreading a long journey, watch out for a long line of tiny dots ex- tending half about the cup. A group of dots and figures near the terminus of the line indicates that you will be greeted by a mass meeting or a very large company of friends upon 3"Our arrival. Very large dots in a line warn you that many trials and difficulties mav be expected. If these are mixed with fine dots, you will encounter disagree- able people and confusion. Tears to be shed for one cause or another are represented by drops of tea in the bottom of the cup. A clean rim to the cup means a quiet, happy, fortunate and prosperous existence. Look out for a leaf which folds over 98 GAMES. the rim. This indicates that you are likely to encounter something that will prove unavailable. The different shapes of leaves indicate respectively men, women and garments. A long, hard leaf shows a man in the case. Small leaves or even points upon the long leaf, take the form of his silk hat, walking stick or boot, etc. A woman is indicated by a broader leaf of paler shade. She is often distinguished by her wide skirts, her bonnet, parasol, etc. To ascertain whether or not these two are friends, or enemies, examine the space about them. If it is filled with tiny dots or flakes thickly settled they are hostile. If the space be clear and no dots appear immediately about them, they are friends. GEOGRAPHICAL RECEPTION. This unique entertainment may be played in the same manner as the circulating library, with cards, or the guests are requested to wear some geographical symbol of a town, city, mountain or bay. Each guest may exercise his own ingenuity in wearing some article which will represent the place he may select. Each player is provided with a card and pencil, on which to write the names of the places, etc., guessed. A prize is given to the largest number of correct answers, also a booby prize is given. The following gives some excellent ideas of how the game is played. One man enters the room with his hat on, which represents Manhattan (man hat on). Another guest has a large bow of hay worn at the neck, indicating Haiti (hay tie). A Lima bean carried in the hand naturally suggests Lima, but a little further guessing proves it to be Caribbean. A red letter C — Red Sea. Black letter C — Black Sea. A piece of oak, together with a little soil, indi- cates Oakland. A piece of lard — Greece. A double almond — Philippine Islands. A tin horn worn on a cape — Cape Horn. A young lady dressed in green cheesecloth, with trimming on bodice, sleeves, and skirt cut in deep points will represent Greenpoint. A large fishhook covered with sand is a good symbol of Sandy Hook. The names of two States joined together — United States. A collar, an advertisement and an O — Colorado. A Frank- furter sausage on a piece of bacon rind — Frankfurt on the Rhine. A small piece of liver in a little water — Liverpool. A set of Japanese dolls dressed in boys’ costume, each one having fastened on his breast the name of Benny. As they arc all named Benny, they represent the State capital, Albany, (all Benny). The following conundrum is appropriate at this reception: If Miss Ouri (Missouri) should wear Mrs. Tppi’s (Mississippi) new jersey (New Jersey) what would Della wear (Delaware)? Ans. — I’ll ask her (Alaska). GAMES. 99 CONUNDRUnS ON AUTHORS. The following conundrums will be appropriate to use in “a circulating library game ” or a “ Game of Quotations : ” 1. A slang expression. — Dickens. 2. An animal and what she cannot do. — Cowper. 3. Meat, what are you doing ? — Browning. 4. A kind of linen. — Holland. 5. One who is more than a sandy shore. — Beecher. 6. To agitate a weapon. — Shakespeare. 7. A lion’s home where there is no water. — Dryden* 8. Very rapid. — Swift. 9. Fiery things. — Burns. 10. A worker in precious metals. — Goldsmith. 11. Humpbacked but not deformed.— Campbell. 12. An English game and the orb of day.— Tennyson. 13. Residences of civilized people. — Holmes. 14. Brighter and smarter than the last. — Whittier. 15. The infallible one. — Pope. 16. A lady’s garment. — Hood. 17. A celebrated English essayist. — Lamb. 18. The wisest, brightest and meanest of mankind. — Bacon. Write the conundrums out but do not give the answer, and to each paper attach a pencil, for the guest to write the answer, opposite the conun- drum. Have the conundrums written out neatly with the correct answer oppo- site, and present to each guest as a souvenir after it had been decided who had given the largest number of correct answers. SHADOW PICTURES. Very interesting and startling effects may be obtained from shadow pictures, which can be arranged thus : Stretch a sheet across the folding doorway and place a lamp on a table a little distance from the screen, so thnt^ the l)crf^^rm#»rs may act between 100 GAMES. the screen and the light. The following is a list of some very mteresting shadows which, with a little ingenuity, may be cast upon the screen. 1. Naughty But Nice. — A young lady wearing a large sunbonnet and a young man in the act of kissing her. 2. A Close Cut. — A barber with brush and apron cutting a young man’s hair, which is nothing more than a newspaper cut in fringe and tied on the head. o. The Dancing Girl. — Pin a skirt on one side of the body and under this manipulate a false leg, which can be made of an umbrella stuffed out at one end to look like a foot with a stocking and dainty slipper on. 4. The Wonderful Broomstick Eater. — Have some one leaning back in a chair so that a broom may be pushed past his face in such a way that the shadow produced will look exactly as if the stick were being eaten. 5. The Giantess. — A girl standing on a chair with a shawl draped around her, long enough to touch the floor and cover the chair, thus repre- senting a skirt. 6. The Prize Fight. — Wonderful knock-out blows may be produced from this act. 7. Romeo and Juliet. — A step-ladder with shawl drapery will produce the effect of a fine balcony. 8. As You Like It. — Man walking with his arm around a young lady. The dancing girl does some very high kicking with the false foot and after the scene the kicker is exhibited to the company. A FATHER’S ADVICE. A father has three bashful sons, and wishing to overcome their bashful- ness, he invited a party of young women for a drive at the park. Then turning to the eldest he addressed him by name: (which was what he wished him to do) Jerryboum ! (Jerry-beau- ’em ) Jerryboum hesitated a moment, then the father turned to the second son calling him by name. Samuel! (Sam-you-will.) The two -sons took their seats in' the rig. Then turning to the youngest son addressing him byname, Benjamin! (Ben-jam- in.) He told them that 10 o’clock was late enough for bedtime , and no matter how agreeable might be their companions they should leave them at that hour. What command, often heard in military drills, was he giving? Ans. — Attention, company. (At 10, shun company.) GAMES. 101 A PROGRESSIVE BICYCLE PICNIC. A bicycle picnic is the al fresco entertainment most in favor, and if a hostess gives it a progressive character, she is sure to score a success. The guests all wear wheeling costumes, and when assembled they are invited into a room where, upon a table, is set forth an array of cheap but pretty baskets, adorned with bright ribbons and flowers, Uiere being two of each color. The girls select from those pointed out as “ ladies’ ” baskets, and the men from those that remain. Then, according to the ribbons and blossoms chosen, they ])air off in couples, mount their wheels and spin away in procession, the gay baskets swinging from their handle-bars. The ride may be as long as desired, but the company brings up at a shady place chosen beforehand and prepared for the occasion. Here the hostess will have a servant in attendance, rugs and cushions spread around and bottles of lemonade, ginger ale and mineral waters, with glasses and ice, concealed in snug nooks. If, too, the day be cool, a brushwood fire on which to make coflee will be highly appreciated. Now, all will be glad to seat themselves, paired as for the ride, and at a signal, open the little hampers and investigate the dainty luncheons therein. The food is carefully wrapped in waxed paper, and Japanese paper napkins divide the courses. A hostess, of course, plans her own menu, but the first articles served might be stuffed eggs dressed with mayonnaise or filled with jDOtted ham, delicate sandwiches, pickles, olives and celery. While enjoying this, a napkin hides the second course from view, but when this is removed, each gentleman finds in his basket a card directing him to change his place and companion. Daisies are ordered to seek clovers, and asters requested to join geraniums. This creates an agreeable little diversion, and soon the newly arranged couples are, with fresh zest, making the broiled chicken of the second course fly faster than they ever did in life, as well as the snowy biseuits and crisp Saratoga p(jtatoes. This completed, further directions cause another change, and so on throughout all this delightful progressive outdoor meal. The third course might well be a salad, individual portions being packed in jelly glasses and accompanied by cheese straws and bicycle crackers. A thick piece of pasteboard should divide the substantials from the dessert, for which tarts, tiny baked cup custards, the melange of cut up oranges and pineapples, known as ambrosia, and all the various kinds of cake are suitable. ^ Fruit, of course, concludes the repast, unless coffee is served. 102 GAMES. Then comes an hour of general con verse and fun under the trees, or else the company may try their wits over these questions : What part of a bicycle would you choose for a picture ? The frame. To which would a lawyer be most partial ? The bar. Which signifies to feel of ? The handle. Which part should grow weary first ? The tire. Which is the symbol of slavery ? The chain. Which rhymes with something a woman rarely has ? The sprocket. Which part would a butcher likely choose after killing a sheep ? The saddle. Which would a vestal virgin select ? The lamp. What is courtes}^ sometimes called ? Lubricating oil. Which part would an organist mostly use ? The pedal. Which a pilot ? The wheel. Which part suggests a queer person ? The crank. Which a watchman ? The guard. Which a beautifal woman ? The bell. Which a boy’s sled ? The coaster Which a wild, woodland plant ? The brake. Which table utensils ? The forks. Which miserly people ? The screws. Which a shelly fruit ? The nuts. Which cutting the nails ? The toe-clips. A useful or pretty favor, such as a cyclometer, a bicycle lamp, a bicycle watch, or a pin in the form of a merry wheel should reward the one answer- ing the greatest number of these cycling conundrums, while the consolation prize might be one of the funny Brownies now so popular, mounted upon a bike. Then will come the lighting of lanterns and the pairing off of couples the same as during the last course of the luncheon, read v for the jolly home- ward run through the soft, purple gloaming, which fittingly concludes the progressive bicycle picnic. — The Woman's World. GAMES, 103 AN AUCTION SALE. For this game send invitations requesting the pleasure of their company to an auction party, the sale to commence at 9 o’clock. No check nor money need you bring, “ A draught might give you cold ; We’re only doing this for fun, The buyer here is sold.” Have in one corner of the invitation, ” Dancing when sale is over.” Decorate your rooms with small red auction flags and any other sym- bols you choose. Take cardboard and cut out pieces the size of 25 cents, 50 cents and $1.00. Then paste over these gold and silver paper, cutting one side a little larger than the other, so as to fold over the edges; then paste the smaller on, having both sides smooth. Put 50 pieces of this money in little bags and give one to each guest as he or she enters the room, also hand them a catalogue of the articles to be sold, but do not add the title to them. The articles are done up in boxes, tied with red ribbon and carefully numbered. The auctioneer should give notice that the ” Adam’s Express Co.” were to sell some unclaimed goods, and with his bright and witty remarks on the articles he will cause lively bidding and much fun and merriment. The following is a catalogue of the articles to be sold : 1. A Trilby souvenir — Silver heart. 2. One cent — A small bottle of perfume. 3. Irish bric-a-brac — Irish potatoes. 4. Pennyworth of solace and a man’s delight — A pipe. 5. Black beaut 3 " — A black doll. 6. Reminder of an impecunious friend — A sponge. 7. A marble bust — A marble broken. 8. A sharper — A knife. 9. An aid to reflection — A mirror. 10. A child’s delight — A rattle. 11. Before the deluge — Noah’s ark. 12. A love-sick couple — Two spoons. 104 GAMES. 13. Home of burns — Curling irons. 14. Fortune teller — A bunch of daisies. 15. The study of a head — Cabbage head. 16. The missing links — Sleeve links. 17. Clothes press — A small iron. 18. Japanese shield — ^Japanese parasol. 19. A bunch of dates — A calendar. 20. Ode to a setting hen — China egg. 21. Several pairs of nippers — Clothes pins. 22. Opera Glasses — Tiny opera glasses. 23. A handsome ring— A small string of bells. 24. Rank and file— An onion and nail file. AN AGE PROBLEn. When first the marriage knot was tied Between my wife and me, My age was to that of my bride • As three times three to three. But now, when ten and half ten years We man and wife have been, Her age to mine exactly bears As eight is to sixteen. Now tell, I pray, from what IVe said, What were our ages when we wed? Ans. — His age was 45 and his wife’s 15. HOW TO TELL ONE’S AGE. A clever way to find out one’s age is to hand each person a sheet of paper and pencil requesting them first to put down the date of their birth, also telling them not to let you see what figures they put down. When all are finished have each in turn read their answer. If they give their right age and dates, you can tell by the answer what figures the^' put down. After putting down the date of their birth, tell them to multiply it by two, then add seven, multiply by fifty, then tell them to add their age, next sub- GAMES, 105 tract 365, multiply this by 100, next add the number of the month born. For example, if in January it would be the first month, then add one, then add 1,500. The following is an example of how it should be done: 28 The date of birth. 2 56 7 63 50 3150 64 The age. 3214 365 2849 100 284900 1 No. of month born 284901 1500 286401 ENIGMA. In giving this enigma first tell the number of letters in the proverb, then give the number of figures, and the meaning of the word, (each number rep- resents a letter,) the party then will guess the word and write it out. When all are finished, there will be twenty letters in the five words, from these words make out the proverb. The following is the enigma. The whole, composed of 20 letters, is a familiar proverb : The 4- 7-6-9 is the thread of a screw. The 5-13-20 is a boys nickname. The 10-8-11-15 is something a farmer does. The 14-12-1-16-18 is repose. The 17-3-19-2 is meat. Ans. — A new broom sweeps clean. The first two figures gives the date of birth, the second two the age and the last the date of the month. These figures read, born on the 28th day of the month, 64 years old, and in January, the first month of the year. 100 TRICKS. SOkCERY. This is a somewhat singular trick. One of the party is placed behind a screen in an adjoining room, where he cannot possibly see the players — or may be blindfolded. One of the party must then call out, “Do you know Miss ?“ naming a lady’s name. “Yes.” “Do you know her dress ? “ “Yes.” “Her wreath, her slippers, her gloves and her bracelets ? ” “Yes.” “Her handkerchief?” “Yes.” “Her fan?” “Yes.” “Well, then, since you know her dress so well, tell me what article of her costume I am now touching?” If the one behind the screen is acquainted with the trick, he will, of course, answer directly, “her bracelet,” the only article mentioned which has the word “and ” before it. EATABLE CANDLE=ENDS. Take a large apple and cut out a few pieces in the shape of candle-ends, round at the bottom and flat at the top, in fact, as much like a piece of candle as possible. Now cut some slips from a sweet almond, as near as you can to resemble a wick, and stick them into the imitation candles. Light them for an instant to make the tops black, blow them oujt, and they are ready for the trick. One or two should be artfully placed in a snufler tray, or candlestick ; 3^ou then inform your friends that during your “travels in the Russian Empire,” you learned, like the Russians, to be fond of candles ; at the same time lighting your artificial candles (the almonds will readily take fire and flame for a few seconds), pop them into your mouth, and swallow them one after the other. THE DIVINER. The point of this trick consists in divining a word which is named, to- gether with several others. Two of the players commonly agree between themselves to place it after an object that has four legs ; for instance, a quadruped, a table, etc., etc. Example . — If Emily wishes to have Henry guess the word which Susan has secretly told her, she says to him, “ Susan has been shopping; she has bought a rose, a dress, some jewelry, a table, a bonnet, a shawl ” Henry, of course, will easily guess that the object in question is a bonnet, for the word “ table,'' which precedes it, has four legs. The tricks on page 46b, about the Brazil nut, is often played with the above tricks.