A The person charging this material is re- sponsible for its return on or before the Latest Date stamped below. Theft, mutilation, and underlining of books are reasons for disciplinary action and may result in dismissal from the University. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2017 with funding from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Alternates https://archive.org/details/merrylinksOObrow THE MEKRYLINKS ox ILLUSTRATED AUCE BROWN ITUISE CLARKE M^CLUKE - PHILLIPS & NEW YORK - 1903 Copyright, ipoj, by THE CENTURY COMPANY Copyright, igoj, by McCLURE, PHILLIPS CO. Published, 1903, N Preface I T is well known that all animals live Somewhere; but it is equally true that some animals live Nowhere. The latter are called Merrylinks. They are easily recognized when once met (and nobody can depend upon meeting them twice), although they are entirely unlike anything else, even them- selves. They are not mentioned in natural history books, where old-fashioned animals are described; and this is the first time that they have had a book of their own. They are really animals of the future, and may, for the moment, be looked upon with distrust by people who like old ways of doing things. But as time goes on, it is probable that the animals we have known will be packed away in the attic with tin kitchens, warming pans, and spinning wheels, and that the Merry- links will slowly but firmly take their places. The world does move. We cannot block the wheels of progress. Therefore the sooner we accustom ourselves to the forms and habits of the Merrylinks, the better. I Preface It is very hard to obtain drawings of these creatures because, as yet, no one has ever seen them. On the other hand, it is quite easy to study their habits, which more or less resemble those of old-fashioned animals. Take, for example, the Squir- relephant. He has the sagacity of the elephant, with the nimbleness and tail of the squi^^el. He can do a great amount of work in bridge-building, circus-loafing, and tricks; yet he feeds upon nuts, and insists, with unerring instinct, upon spending the winter in a hollow tree. No tree is big enough, and consequently he wastes at least three months of the year in search of one. He is, therefore, little good as his migra- tion does him, to be classed among the migratory animals. The Mosquitoriole is endowed with the vices and virtues of both the mosquito and the oriole, combined in a manner which is entirely satisfactory to himself. From his mosquito ancestry he has inherited the taste for blood, and from the oriole the power of song. Thus, when he flies abroad in quest of prey, he does not, in spite of himself, warn the victim by a maddening hum; but he bursts into a liquid melody, which holds the ear entranced until he is ready to feed. It is truly interesting to note, in many cases, the superiority of the Merrylinks to the animals of the past. The Jaguarmadillo is more perfectly fitted for warfare than either the jaguar or the armadillo, as we used to see them in our geography books. From the jaguar he has inherited the desire to fight, and from the armadillo a serviceable coat of mail. He may be called the iron-clad of the feline race. Note, also, the practical use of the shell in the Armadillopossum. Here, we migh say, ploughshares have been beaten into pruning hooks, and the horny covering which, in one type, serves for defence, in another becomes the cradle of innocent offspring. Truly, the works of nature are amazing in their richness and variety! Thus certain of the Merrylinks are endowed with habits which are not only beneficial to them- selves but, in a few cases, to mankind. An instance which falls under the latter head is that of the Buffaloyster. He has all the succulence of the oyster with the buf- falo’s fancy for stampeding in herds. This makes him practically easy to hunt; for a little skill on the part of his captors will induce him to stampede directly toward the chafing-dish. Once there, the mildness of the oyster renders him quite obedient to the will of others. As a buffalo, he has sought out a stamping ground from which,' as an oyster, he cannot return. 3 Preface But well equipped as are the Merrylinks to combat all known conditions, it sometimes happens that the two distinctive sides of the animal may conflict, instead of working together for his good. A case of this kind is the Parrotter, who frequently passes months without food, because his mind is so divided between a longing for fish and for crackers. Some- times it does happen that he comes upon both edibles combined in a chowder; then he gorges himself like the boa-constrictor (^this must not be confused with the Jerboaconstrictor, which is of so timid a disposition that it has to be urged to eat enough to support life, and is, moreover, strictly vegetarian). Naturalists (in this case unnaturalists) have made careful experiments with the Parrotter, for the purpose of noting how long he will refrain from food if the two articles of his diet are not combined. (An account of this may be found in the Animallegories of Professor Longilatido, Volume XL, page g.) The result is truly interesting and instructive. He will turn from cracker to fish with a regular oscillation like that of a pendu- lum, at a rate higher than the quiver of the mosquito’s wing, until he becomes ex- hausted and falls into a state of coma. The note of the Parrotter is significant in 4 P?'eface this connection. He begins, ‘‘Polly wants — ” is apparently overpowered by the sense that he does not know what Polly wants, and helplessly subsides into silence. He has the parrot’s habit of biting the fingers of inquiring persons, and of hanging head downward in moments of abstraction; but his fondness for fish drives him to the water, by which he is terrified because, as a parrot, he is accustomed only to seeing it in a cage. The Viperch, also, is merely hampered by his equipment; for he is compelled to swim about dragging a savage tail many times his own length, which cannot possibly do him any good, save, perhaps, in developing his muscle and the virtue of patience. Other of the Merrylinks are handicapped by being half fabulous and therefore wholly distracted. Of these, the Gnunicorn is one. This animal has a sort of intel- ligence which enables him to understand that he is only partially real, though his two natures are as mixed as his horns. It is true that the fabulous part is more or less ornamental, but it is doubtful whether he has an eye for that. It is merely ex- ceedingly-embarrassing to him not to be all there. The Amoebasilisk is in the same plight. The basilisk side being entirely fabulous, and the amoeba quite in- s Preface visible, it leads a precarious life, feeding on mythology books and sleeping in a primordial cell. It has been impossible to obtain a specimen for these pages, which aim only at an exact presentation of the most distinctive types. One step removed from the animals with a fabulous strain are those which, like the Dodocelot, are partly extinct. This one circumstance makes them exceed- ingly difficult to classify; for, though the dodo side may be as real as the ocelot, it is not there, and nobody need pretend it is. So also with the Alligatornithorhyncus and the Mastodonkey ; one part of them may be animated to a fault while the other, though equally important, is forever missing. These animals have usually been referred to as Animalternatives, although that is a somewhat loose classifica- tion of no real value at the present day. In studying the Merrylinks we must not be discouraged by the fact that certain individuals resemble each other to a confusing degree. At first, there may seem to be as wide a difference between them as that which has always existed between chalk and cheese; but on second thought we discover that the dissimilarity is as un- important as that between English cheese and American. Indeed we shall always 6 Preface find some important difference which makes all the difference in the world. The Swallowl and Sparrowl are more or less alike, to the untrained eye; but the wing power of the former is infinitely superior to that of the latter. The Squirrelk and Squirrelephant have more or less in common; but the former is gamesome in his habits, while the latter is timid and given to reflection. The Argonautilus and Cougargonaut are full of likenesses and differences; and though the Toucantelope, Pelicantelope, and Ptarmigantelope are all indebted to their antelope blood for swiftness and a practical tendency to scour the plain, their bird habits are, in each case, distinctive. In conclusion, let it be said that the study of the Merrylinks opens a wide field hitherto untrodden. The opportunities they offer are inexhaustible, both for com- parison among themselves and with the animals we have hitherto known. There is no end to the possibilities they offer. Advanced students have even found Merry- links among the human race; and it was the great Professor Longilatido who, one morning, in shaving, noticed the startling combination of his own oval head and gaunt, stoop-shouldered frame. ‘‘I look,” said he, “like a Camelon.” 7 Preface A fresh line of thought had been opened to him. Henceforth life would be a richer and a nobler thing. From the study of known Merrylinks, the student may proceed to the dis- covery of new individuals, and thus enrich our libraries and museums to an extent hardly to be imagined. We are now on the threshold. Let us not pause there, but proceed with a firm step and undaunted heart. 8 The Camelephant A Camelephant race in the land of the Sphinx ! The Camelephants bent on the highest of jinks ! The hurdles you see are the Pyramids three, And the Sun is the Umpire — at least so he thinks. The Camelephant The Buffaloyster When the chafing-dish flames and ’tis merry in hall, The Bulfialoyster bellows, “ Come one.and come all! For it’s cosy in here, with the butter and beer; You will find a warm wetness, whatever befall.” The Buffaloyster The Kmunicorn Not even a Scotsman or Briton, true born, Is wedded to sport like the Emunicorn. He lives on the Links, and complacently thinks He’s a dabster at making a drive with his horn. The Emunicorn T/ie Zebraccoon At a Zebraccoon picnic these two slipped away From the forfeits and fun, from the laughter and pi To sit side by side, like a bridegroom and bride. To dream of their nuptials and fix on the day. T/ie Zebraccoon The Toucantelope The Toucantelope feeds on the Pteracle Tree Which no one, as yet, has been able to see. It has neither fruit, nor leaf, trunk or root; Yet it suits the Toucantelope to a degree. ^ «■ :^Ccc'y^. j T/ie Toucantelope T/ie Alligatornithorhynchus M rs. Alligatornithorhynchus appears To find her three sons very much by the ears. Two, sturdy and stout, are bound to crowd out The third from the dough-dish, in spite of his tears. 'The Alligatornithorhvnchus The Mosquitoriole Two mad Mosquitorioles, muddled with drink, Rolled under the roofs of two toadstools, to think. Quoth one, “Bring me blood! a beaker I a flood! I could quaff down a quart in the space of a wink.’* The Mosquitoriole T/ie Chinchillaiiia This meek Chinchillama does think it’s enough To weaken the strongest, to meet with a muff Of chinchilla skin spread out very thin, With slashings and stitchings right under the fluli. T/ie ChincJiillama The Kangarooster A gay Kangarooster rose up with the sun, And flew to the steeple, where day is begun. He said, ‘‘ I’m not vain, as I rise to explain; I’m only a bit weather-cocky for fun.” The Kangarooster The Armadillopossutn M rs. Armadillopossum ! her shawl is a shell; And, tidily turned, it’s a cradle, as well. She rocks to and fro, now fast and now slow. And croons to her children a magical spell. The Armadillopossum The Iguanodonkey The Iguanodonkey is known by his smile, Which is frequently seen for an eighth of a mile. He removes it at night, and screws it on tight In the morning, without a suggestion of guile. Iguanodonkey The Finchworm The great Doctor Finchworm is firm as a mule With pellet and powder and dram and capsule. “Come! come! take your choice,” roars his bluster- ing voice, “Between dying by inches or living by rule!” The Finchworm The Squirrelephant A Squirrelephant, suddenly faced by a bee, Cried, << Blood of my whiskers! but what do I see ? Shall I shyly await the Thing they call Fate ? Or shall I climb up in this Derby-Hat Tree? ” The Squirr elephant The yerboaconstrictor The Jerboaconstrictor, when crouched for a spring, Is a sorely bewildered, bewildering thing. He uses his legs like incompetent pegs, And tangles his tail like a vortex of string. T/ie 'Jerboaconstrictor The Bra?7teater This beautiful Branteater, shaped like a dish. Is scarcely as safe as the prudent could wish. For the greedy inquire, as he stands by the hre, “ Let me see what’s inside ! Is it oysters or bsh ?” '17ie Branteater The Rhinoscerostrich The Rhinoscerostrich can scarce understand How to furnish the proper device on demand. Says she, ‘‘Gracious me! I’m blest if I see How to cover a head of this size in the sand.” T/ie Rhinoscerostrich The Penguineapig When Mrs. Penguineapig goes for the air, She takes her young daughters, a duplicate pair. With calmness of nerve, they always preserve A deportment to make all the other pigs stare. The Rlephanteater An Elephanteater, in search of his prey, Found two maiden aunts very much in his way. When they took to their heels, with a series of squeals He remarked, ‘‘I’m especially hungry to-day!” T/ie Rlephanteater T/ie Hippopotamustang M iss Hippopotamustang grows sheepishly shy When her lover looks tomes from the tail of his eye. But meanwhile, to her it does just occur: If he’d like to salute me, he surely might try.” ■■ ~*m a>. . i>l\.\|.. ■'V's T/^e Hippopotamusta?ig The Cobraccoon This mild Cobraccoon, with the greatest surprise Finds his windpipe increased to a horrible size. I really must go to a doctor, you know. And attempt to reduce it ! ” he piercingly cries. The Cohraccoon T/ie Mastodon key This fat Mastodonkey is fond of his joke, And when he’s eyed over by curious folk, He takes up his pipe, if the moment is ripe. And solemnly blows for them bubbles of smoke. T/ie Mastodonkey The Lobsterrier Some day on the beach, if you pay in a dime, You may see a Lobsterrier race against time. The judges sit by with a critical eye — And a confidence verging upon the sublime. T/ie Liobsterrier The Ichneumongoose The earliest bird never rises too soon To see an Ichneumongoose jump over the It may be too late, by some antic of fate, But the likeliest time is the stroke of high mooUe noon. Ichneumongoose The Alligatortoise The Alligatortoise goes yawning about. He is very much bored, there’s no manner of doubt. But still, do you see, it may very well be Something might wander in that might not wander The Alligatortoise The yaguarmadillo Two yaguarmadillos, renowned in debate, Came out to talk over some questions of state. Said each, My dear sir, now would you prefer To be torn into tatters at once, or to wait?” The yaguarmadillo The Cormoranteater This Cormoranteater in search of a site For a country estate, is quite lost in delight. With a fish-pond in view and an ant-hill or two The prospect of food grows amazingly bright. The Cormorant eater The Pelicanaconda Young Pelicanaconda is up for exam. He has done his poor best both with ponies and cram But in face of the foe, he can scarce fail to know H is cockered-up learning is naught but a sham. The Pelicanaconda The Cougar gonaut The Cougargonaut never was meant for a fool, For nothing delights him so much as a school. What most meets his wish is a school of plump And the way he absorbs them is frigidly cool. The Cougar gonaut '1 Vie C aribou 2 iel Th ese proud Caribouzels are marching to town To select for the lady a love of a gown. A smart feather suit, and a bonnet to boot, Of a yellowy-pink or a crimsony-brown. The Caribouzel The Gnunicorn This is the Gnunicorn, taking a swim Of seventy miles, which are nothing to him. He could quite as well do seven thousand and two. And trot home to dinner in excellent trim. T/ie Gnunicorn The Rabbittern This greedy Rabbittern has one burning wish : To sup with the firm known as Cabbage and Fish. Informally, too. He could quite make them do As a succulent salad combined in a dish. The Rabbittern T/ie Peacockatoo This wondrous Peacockatoo, shaped like a screen, And viewing himself with magnificent mien. Considers his glass — a small one, alas! — On reflection, the finest he ever has seen. T/ie Peacockatoo T/ie Pujfinchworm These happy Puffinchworms, now standing on edge And cooling their heels in a forest of sedge, Are chiefly concerned, if the truth must be learned. In exchanging avowals, with pledge upon pledge. The Pujinchworm The Minfiowl As everyone knows, the deep-sea Minnowl If less than a fish, is far more than a fowl. When two of them meet, too late to retreat They grimly inquire : Is this a Minnowl ? ’ The Minnow/ The Bumblebeetle When young Bumblebeetle came trembling to woo Said Mrs. B. Beetle : — “ Now pray who are you ? My child’s precious hand, do I understand ? Let me eye the chap over! Well, maybe you’ll do! The Bumblebeetle The Par rot ter The Parrotter can never hold fish in his beak Because, as a Parrot, he’s dying to speak. So he drops it to talk, and then hungrily squawk, “ I’ve not had a meal for an eighth of a week! ” The Parrotter The Dodocelot The Dodocelot, bent upon making a call, Found the doorway seemed somehow remarkably small. “ You’re too big for my house! ” called Mrs. Dormouse. But he mildly implored: ‘‘ Let me wait in the hall ! ” T/ie Dodocelot T/ie Peacockroach Observe the Peacockroach ! who may not be vain, Though in dancing, she always keeps watch of her train. She turns, on the sly, an innocent eye. Spreads the feathers out smooth, and goes at it again. 'F/ie Condor tnouse The Condormouse, who dlls up his larder by force, Resides, in the Andes, and dines upon horse. When asked, Is it wild ? ” he replies, with a mild And eloquent look at the platter: “ Of course! ” T/ie Condormouse The Pelicantelope This brisk Pelicantelope, making her nest, H as removed all the feathers she can from her breast. To cradle her young, as the poets have sung. But still, as you see, she is very well dressed. The Pelicantelope The Squirrelk A Squirrelk in the branches ! what sunnier sight Could be seen in the dusk of a tropical night Than ninety-odd stone, all told, blood and bone. Lightly leaping and skipping in fairy-like flight! T/ie Squirrelk The Tigermine The Tigermine, a creature of lofty degree, Lives quite at the top of his family tree. Imagine his plight, on a dark winter’s night. As he jabs at the knot-hole with key after key. The Tiger mine The Chimpanzebra This poor Chimpanzebra is trying to think How to lengthen his stripes without pencil or ink. “For,” says he, “if I dye, they will never know w A part of me’s Missing, or which is the Link.” The Chimpanzebra The Gof'illama The great Gorillama is not asked in vain To favor the ladies by singing a strain. He is glad to display, by night or by day, H is proud decorations from Paris and Spain. The Gorillama The V iperch If you once met the Viperch, you never could To gu ess he’d some sort of a grief to bewail. A good little fish, sometimes he does wish He knew what to do with that brute of a tail. V i perch ?^’l ■V. i 1 i 1 ' 1 4 y*