i THROUGH A i/lATRIMONIAL BUREAU 1 * ' QV Ccimcbictta in 0nc ^ct EFFIE Wi MERRIMAN .uthor of “ Soci^,ls,” “ Diamonds and Hearts,’’ “A Pair of Artists,” “ Comedies for Children,” Etc. CHICAGO THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY CAST OF CHAEACTERS. Guy Williams. Marie Manning. PROPERTIES. There must be wig, spectacles, and wart for Guy, who must also wear cotton batting to increase size of his abdomen, and a strip of whalebone bound under his . knee. Marie appears hump-backed, with gray wig, old lady’s bonnet and glasses. Time of acting, 20 minutes. Copyright, 1898, by The Dramatic Publishing Company. ^THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. f ^ i Scene. — Morning. An hotel parlor is represented. Enter Guy Williams, R. f., carrying valise, cane and umbrella. He looks around the room as if in search of something, then stands his belongings on the right side of the fireplace, and puts his hat on the mantel. He is dressed in the worst possi- ble taste, and wears an enormous yellow chrysanthemum in his buttonhole. He has an unsightly wart on his nose, and wears a wig that makes him appear to be partially bald. His abdomen is enormous, and one leg is stiff. Taken all in all, I he is as unattractive as he can possibly make himself. From ' the fireplace he walks to the mirror, L. C., surveys his reflec- tion for a moment, then breaks into a hearty laugh. Guy. Gad, what a sight ! I’m enough to draw tears from a stone image ! \Laughs, then suddenly claps his hand to his nose, a7id puts his face riearer the mirror.'] Holy smoke ! can this wart be coming off? It feels like it ! [IVorks with wart Iff on his nose.] But Jenkins swore by all his stars that it would ^ stick, and that no one, not in the secret, would ever guess it didn’t grow there. Good fellow, that Jenkins ! Always ready to help a chap out of a bad scrape. {Turns, facing audie7ice, a7id so that the 77iir'kor reflects a side view. Laughs again.] It’s enough to make a man have hysterics ! Wonder if I’ll know ^ enough to sit down with all this cotton batting resting on my abdomen ? [ Walks to 07te of the two chairs 7iear C. a7id tries to sit gracefully , but is obliged to 77iake several atte77ipts before ^ he satisfies hi77iself.] I don’t know which is harder to manage, the cotton batting, or the whalebone bound under my knee. I can’t imagine the woman who would be likely to fall in love ^ with a figure like this. [Gets up, goes back to 77iirror, a7id o laughs agabi at his reflection. Takes off his wig, showi7ig ' 7iicely arra7iged hair, fa7is the top of his head with it, then I, replaces it a7td returns to chair, C.] You see {to audie7ice] a .1 4 THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. fellow has g-ot to protect himself, more especially when he gets mixed up with a girl through a matrimonial bureau. I think I love her. Anyhow, I have told her I do. and I’ve sworn to marry her, in case she is willing, after having seen me. She’ll not be likely to be over enthusiastic, I imagine. [Goes io mirror again.'] Think of a girl longing to wed this ! But, in case I am not disappointed in her, I can easily make myself more presentable. Perhaps, though, she’ll get such a shock that she’ll never be able to forgive the deception. [Looks concerned for a nioinent, then shrugs his shoulders?^ Ah, well ! I must chance it ! I can’t run the risk of having a perfect fright fall in love with me. [To audie7ice.\ You see. I’m bound to marry her in case she desires it after having seen me. If the photo- graph she sent me flatters her as much as the one I sent her flatters me, then I haven’t the slightest idea how she looks. [Takes out watch.] She’ll not be here for fifteen minutes yet. I believe I’ll go out to the bar-room and get a cigar. [Takes hat and goes out, R. F. The door has hardly closed behuid him when M-Sivie on ter s, L. F. ] Marie. He isn’t here ! That’s not gallant, to say the least.' He ought to have arrived first. [Deposits valise, bandbox and umbrella on left side of fireplace, then discovers Guy’s valise 071 other side.] Oh, I believe he has been here, after all ! How lovely! [Claps her ha7ids, girlishly , the7i da7ices to i7iirror, where she views herself a7id begms laughmg.] Did there ever anybody look like me ? I declare, it is a shame to deceive him ! but [Co7ni7ig forward a7id addressing audic7ice\ suppose I don’t like him the least little bit 1 Don’t you see how much better it would be, in that case, for him to be disappointed in me ? And if I do like him, if I do — Oh, how I will surprise him 1 And he’ll forgive me 1 Of course he will ! I’ll be so nice and entertaining that he can’t help himself. [Da7ices arou7id the roo77i, very gracef ully , but 7)iaki7ig a7i odd picHire, beca 7 ise she appears to be slightly hu77ip‘-backed.] Oh ! I for- got my hump ! [Stops da7ici7ig, and hurries to 77iirror to see if it is hi place l\ I was afraid I had shaken it off! [Laughs at her refiectio 7 i.] I wish I could take off this horrid bonnet, but if I do, like as not^ my wig would come, too. Oh, here’s a guitar ! Wonder who plays it ? | lakes guitar fro7n floor, where it lea7is agai7ist 77iirror, aiid begins to play a7id si7ig, resting 07 ie foot on easy -chair, L., hi order to support the guitar. Her back is turned toward the door, R. F. Guy enters R. F., and stands just hi side the door.] THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. 5 Guy. [Aside.] She sings well ! She sings very well indeed ! But— but can it be — is she a hunchback? [Co/nes a little nearer.\ Great Scott, she is a hunchback ! Marie. I don’t believe this guitar has been tuned since the year one ! .[Turns to replace it, and looks uito the face of Guy.) Oh ! Guy. [Boiuing.] Have I the pleasure of addressing Miss Marie Manning? Lays one finger on the chrysanthemum in his buttonhole,] Marie. That is my name, [Touchuig the crysanthemum she wears.] Guy. I am Guy Williams. [Aside.] Isn’t she a regular Katisha ? Marie. I feared so — I beg pardon — I thought as much. [Aside.] He must have come from a dime museum ! auy. Allow me. | Takes guitar from her, and replaces it.] I am glad, indeed, to know^ that you sing. You have a beauti- ful voice ! [Aside.\ Wish I could say as much for her face. Marie. I seldom sing, however, I — I usually have a sore throat. [Aside.] It’s an awful lie ; but I can’t allow him to be pleased with me. He’s lame ! And look at his nose ! • Guy. [Placing otie oj the chairs at C. for her.] Please be seated. Can you not do anything for the hoarseness ? [Takes other chair, C.] Marie. Nothing ; absolutely nothing. It is a result of neu- ralgia, and persists in spite of the fact that I have had all my teeth pulled. [Aside.] He ought to have had that wart pulled. Guy. Had all your teeth pulled ? [Aside,] I wonder if she has wooden legs. Marie. [Showing her teethl] They are false, but I flatter myselt they are a good imitation. I planned them myself. I’m good at planning teeth ! Now, these do not have a plate that shows every time I smile, and I’ve never choked on them once ! [Aside.] There ! If that doesn’t settle him, nothing will. Guy. [ With a forced sinile.] It’s very interesting, very. I wonder that you never mentioned it in your letters. Marie. We both seem to have neglected mentioning little personal peculiarities that ought, perhaps, to have been men- tioned. I can see, now, that one does not get quite the correct idea through correspondence. [Aside.] He wrote lovely letters. Guy. Are you disappointed in me ? Do — do you want to U. OF ILL Lia 6 THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. throw me over ? [Aside.] I’d like to be thrown over, at least ten miles. Marie. Oh, no ! No, indeed ! [Asic^e,] I’ll not give him a chance to sue me for breach of promise. He must be the one to break the engagement. [71:? Guy.] You wrote such enter- taining letters ! I can never tell you how much I have enjoyed them. I think — I fear — they led me to form an opinion of you that was — well — slightly more ideal than the case warrants. [Grins at hi77i so foolishly, and for so long a time, that he turns his head in disgusti] Guy. [Aside.] Think of facing that for the rest of one’s days. Marie. .[Aside.] He is wilting ! If I can do it again, I really believe he’ll run. Guy. I — I think it is only fair — only honorable to explain that I did not write those letters. I really cannot take praise for them. A literary friend, who is something of a poet Marie. [Rising angrily.] Do you mean to say that you got someone else to write your letters ? Guy. [Rising.] Why, yes. You see I — I was charmed with your letters, and — and naturally I wanted to make a good im- pression. [Aside.] It’s the biggest lie I ever told ; but what else can I do ? I simply won’t marry her. Marie. And this — this other fellow — must have seen my letters ! Guy. Of course ; he went into raptures over them. He — ht made me quite jealous. [Aside.] I mustn’t let her see that I want her to break the engagement. A breach of promise suit is not to my liking. Marie. Sir, I did not dream that a man could be so dishon- orable. But I am justly punished. I ought never to have had anything to do with that horrid old matrimonial bureau. I hate you ! I hate you beyond telling. [Crosses over to sofa_ R., sUiks dow7i with her head 07i the ar77i of it, a7id crie: bitterly.] Guy. [Sta7ids c. with his hands i7i pockets, regarding heT' dubiously.] Confound it all, [To audie7ice\ I do wish I had oeen born blind. I like her voice, I like the way she speaks. If I were not obliged to see her, I believe I’d be as deeply in love with her as her letters led me to think I was. But oh, how she looks ! How she does look ! She actually makes my teeth ache. [Gazes %t Marie for a ino77ient m u7ico77ifortable Mlence.] I feel like a brute. I suppose I ought to tell the poor THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. 1 little thing- that I lied about those letters. I will tell her. I’ll trust to my good luck to break the engagement in some pther way. Miss Manning ! \Marie makes no response, diiJ con- tinues sobbing.^ Miss Manning ! Marie. [^Still sobbing.\ Don’t speak to me. Go away ! I hate you ! Guy. yTo audience?^ She hates me. That’s satisafctory. {^Hesitates a mome7it, looking downi\ That is, it ought to be satisfactory, but, ’pon my honor, I don’t know whether it is or not. If I’d only been born blind ! [Sighs afid walks to R., where he turns aiid regards Marie dubiously. Marie still sobs.'\ Marie. [Raising her head, and wiping her eyes.'\ I was a fool to come here ! I hate ‘myself for it ; but — but oh, those letters were so nice, and — and I never dreamed that men would do such things ! Guy. [Taking a step forward.'] They don’t — all of them ! for instance, I don’t ! I — I just manufactured that little yarn. Marie. Manufactured that little yarn ? What do you mean ? Guy. Just made it up out of whole cloth. I wrote those let- ters myself. No one but myself ever saw yours. Marie. [Rising and speaking with great dignity.] Mr. Williams, do I understand you to say that you Tied to me about those letters ? Guy. \Miserably.-\ I— I suppose that’s what you’d call it in plain English. Marie. And for what purpose, pray ? Guy. [To audience.] Now, what in thunder am I to say. [To Marie.] For what purpose ? Why, why — I presume it was just an asinine attempt to be witty. Tm a perfect jackass about such things. I — I was never funny in my life, y^t I’ve always tried to be. It is heredity, or the stars, or pre-natal influ- ence, or — or — [Stops, confused, because Marie has been staring at him steadily during his eager attempt to set himself right, and he feels that she does not believe him.] Marie. [Coldly.\ Mr. Manning, there is no call for prevari- cation. It is a case where the truth would be better. Let me help you out. You told that miserable lie with the intention of making me hate you. You have succeeded. [Guy sUtks mto an easy chair, looking limp with mortification.] But you really need not have gone to such trouble.: Your previous deception would have been quite sufficient. Guy. [Looking up asto7iished.] My previous deception ! 8 THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. Marie. That is what I said. Guy. {^Sarcastically Will you kindly explain ? Marie. [ Who has been walking back and forth across the stage quite regally, and totally oblivious to her hump. Now turns, C., and faces him.'\ Will I explain ? Certainly, since you request it. When you had your photograph taken for me, you very thoughtfully hired the artist to remove all traces of that— that disfiguring wart on your nose. {Gazes at him'in scornful triumph.\ Guy. \Aside,\ Confound that wart ! I’d forgotten all about it. Marie. Your letters told of games at lawn tennis and foot- ball. You’d be exceedingly active in such games, wouldn’t you. You must have a very vivid imagination, Mr. Williams, as well as great knowledge of the preferences of the opposite sex. No girl would dream that a man who took active part in athletic sports might be both lame and obese. Pardon my rudeness, but, remember, you insisted upon an explanation. {Turns to go toward her valise, when she is stopped by Guy’s voicel\ Guy. {Rising,\ Pardon is granted most cheerfully. Miss Manning, and, if I could bring myself to forget that you are a lady, I might remind you of the few slight omissions on your part. Marie. [Astonished.] Omissions on my part ! Guy. [ With a gesture of indifference.] Bordering on decep- tion. Nothing of importance when coming from a lady. Marie. [To audience.] What can he mean ! [Puts one ha7id to head, and feels wig.] Oh, heavens, my iViake-up ! I’d forgotten it. [To Guy.] I — I understand. I really don’t know what to say. Guy. I beg you will say nothing. [More gently.] I ought not to have inentioned it. I am a perfect brute. Marie. [Covering her face with her arm, like a grieved child.] Oh, what shall I do ? Guy. [Coming clo'ser.] I am so sorry. I did not mean to wound you. I forgot myself for a moment, when you were so very hard on me. But that is really no excuse. I ought not to have hurt you by mentioning that for which you are in no way responsible. Can you forgive me ? Don’t cry any more. Look, at me, please, and say I’m forgiven. \Atte 7 npts to pull Marie s arm from her face, and the wig and bonnet fall back. Guy gazes at them in astonishment, Marie looks at him half laughing, half defiant.] Guy. May I ask — 1-— I — do I see correctly ? [Brushes his ' THROUGH A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU. 9 hand across his eyes, as if to make stire that there is no op- tical illusion, and in so doing knocks the wart off his nose. He holds it in one hand, awkwardly , while he feels of his nose with the other, and stares at Marie with apprehension in his face,] Marie. \Looking closely at the wart.] Do / see correctly? I Marie backs up to sofa and falls upon it hi convulsions of laughter. Guy backs up to easy chair, and falls into it, laughing still more heartily.] Marie. [ Wiping her eyes.] I see it all ! Guy. \Wiping eyes.] No, you don’t. flapping his stomach] is cotton. Marie. So is this. [Turning half round to show the hump on her back,] Guy. You were afraid you wouldn’t like me. That’s why you did it. [Pulls off wig.] Marie. And you were afraid you wouldn’t like me. How about that stiff leg ? [Lays wig, spectacles arid bonnet on sofa.] Guy. Whalebone bound under the knee. Marie. Sure ? Oiiy. Can’t get it off here, but the knee works all right. See here. [Gets up and dances. Marie rises and takes a few waltz steps as if involuntarily A man couldn’t do that if his leg was really stiff. Marie. [Turning away .] No, I suppose not. Well, good- bye ! [Holds out her hand.] Guy.' Good-bye ! What for ? Marie. A man who took such pains to make me hate him — Guy. Nonsense. We’re quits on that. Come here, Marie. [Takes her in his arms and kisses her. They waltz off the stage as the curtain falls.] CURTAIN. SANTIAGO OR FOR THE RED, WHITE AND BLUa A WAR DRAHA IN FOUR ACTS. By JOHN A. FRASER, Author of ‘‘A Noble Outcast,” “The Merry Cobbler,*^ “Our Starry Banner,” etc. Prtce, 25 cents. CHARACTERS. Capt. Oscar Hutton, U. S. A. In love with Cora. ^ • Leadina Jumnite \ Lieut. Fisk, U. S. A. In love with his duty Juvenile bit \ Milton Merry, U. S. N. In love with Bess Light Comedy Lieut. Cristobal, S. A. In love with soidiering ..Straiafit \ Dr. Harrison, Red Cross H.S. In love with surgery Straight old man 1 Elmer Walton, banker. In love with Spanish bonds Character old man Phillip Basset^ his stepson. In love with Ysobel Juvenile Fernando Diaz, Walton’s cashier, afterwards S. A. In love with Cora.. ! Heavy Beverly Brown, Walton’s butler, afterwards Red Cross H.S. In love with I chickens Hegro Comedy \ Cornelius Dwyer, Walton’s coachman, afterwards U. S. A. In love with ‘ ‘N ay gurs” Irieh Comed.y Antonio Carlos, a Cuban planter. In love with Spain Character old man Cora Basset, Walton’s stepdaughter. In Icve with Oscar. Juvenile \ Bess Walton, Walton’s daughter. In love with Milton Ingenue \ Ysobel Carlos, Antonio’s daughter. In love with Phillip. Juvenile American Soldiers, American Sailors, Spanish Soldiers, Guerillas. Actual time of piaying, two hours. SYNOPSIS. iCT I. The ball at Walton’s, Washington, D. C. Handsome interior. ACT II. The Red Cross Hospital. First day’s battle of Santiago. Exterior. ACT III. Scene 1.— Interior, Guerilla headquarters in the Sierra Cobra, near Santi- ago. Scene 2.— Exterior. The underbrush of Sierra Cobra. Scene 8.— Fight in the mountain pass, second day’s battle of Santiago. Exterior. ACT IV. Hotel Tacon, Santiago, on the night of the surrender. Interior. NOTE.— Walton, Dr. Harrison and Carlos may double easily, and the piece played with nine males, three females. The best Cuban war play ever written. Easy to produce, but very effective. Thrilling situations, fine comedy, intense cli- maxes. Comic Irishman and Negro. Three magnificent female parts. Picturesque Spanish villain and heroic juvenile lead. No special scenery is required, as every regular theatre, in its ordin- ary equipment, has every set called for. Adapted to both profes* eional and amateur companies. Address Orders to THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY» CtllCAQa DUMONT’S MINSTREL JOKE BOOK. A Collection of jokes arranged for End-Men, both professional and ama- teur. Never before collected and published in a clear manner and with bright dialogue for End-Men and Interlocutor. They form a book of the newest, most humorous and quaintest matter ever arranged. Any reader may, with assured success, deliver them to any assemblages before whom he inay appear. Mr. Dumont himself says ; “This collection of jokes and dialogues is the careful gathering of years— and only the best and “sure laugh” producers ^re incorporated in this book.” PriM* 25 Gcato* PARTIAL CONTENTS. Arithmetic of Love, “Ask a Policeman,” All about Novels, At Niagar? Falls, “A. P. A.” and Bricks, Advantages of Education. All Softs, Army and its Soldiers, Bad Case of Lying, Base Ball, Breach of Promise, Burg- lars. Boston’s Correct Language, Bravery in Battle. Fishing, Funny Signs and Borrowed Pants, Fish makes Brains, Firing oif the Cannon, Climatic Changes, Clancy as a Diver, '‘Couldn’t find a Policeman,” Colonel Pepper, “Curiosities for Museums,” Conumdrums, Cruelty to Animals, Country and Don’t Drink, Couldn’t take the Job, Comic Recitations, Cork Leg, “Casa- bianca,’* “Dreams,” Ducks and Indians Dutchman’s Bet, “Daniel.” Eating Dumplings, Epitaphs, Editing a Newspaper, Eating by Weight, Educated Horse, The Mule Battery, “Making Both Ends Meet,” The Mind Reader, Missed the Hearse, Mixed Breed of Chickens. Married into a mean Fami- ly, Making a Pair of Shoes, Man’s Ribs and Angel Cake, The New Poet, Never Happened, On the Battlefield, Off to the Seat of War, Our Brothers, Old Cider Barrel, Origin of Songs, Opinion on Man and Woman. Gratitude,Hotel Regulations, Hold your Head Up, How is Business, How Different Girls Kiss, Hash for the Navy, “Has not Caught Me Yet,” Irish Monologue, It Runs in the Family, “If a River were between all Men and Women,” Jum- ping Frog, Kissing, Kiss Sociable, Keep off the Grass, Kissing in the Tunnel, Lawyer and Doctor, Lost Umbrella, Liquor Assists Nature. Learning the Bike, Love and Matrimony, Law in Alaska, Shoemaker’s Daughter, Singing at the Party, Storm at Sea, Spotted Dog, Swallowed an Egg, Second Time on Earth, Signs, Sorry he didn’t Take it Cold. Progress, Parson’s Sermon on Crap Shoot- ing, Poultry and Fruit, Power of Language, Perhaps I Will and Perhaps I Won’t, Peculiarities of Speech. Pumpkin Pie. Patriotic Alphabet, Queer Ad- vertisements, Ragged Jacket, Raising Grass-hoppers, Taught His Wife a Lesson, Thought it was a Boat-race, The Telephone, Thief with a Roman Nose, Taxes on Luxuries, Transfusion of Blood, Took the Dead Man’s Dol- lar, Two Good Liars, Three Realistic Dreams, Takes It just the same, “Twin- kle, Twinkle Little Star,” Very Good Tip, Very Large Punch Bowl, Very, Mean Father, “We are Letters,” “Went Home for his Pipe,” Why is a Ship called “She?” “What is Love?” “We are all Bottles,” “Wish the Gun had gone off,” Writing a Novel. Address Orders to THE ORAHATIC PUBLISHING COflPANV, CHICAQQb The Dramatic Publishing Co’s. Catalogue THE SPINSTERS’ CONVENTION. (The Original Old Maids* Convention.) Price 35 cents. An evening’s entertainment which is always a snre hit and a money -'maker. Has been given many hundred times by schools, societies and churches, with the greatest success. An evening of refined fun. It requires from twelve to twenty ladies and two gentlemen, although ladies may take the two male parts. A raised platform with curtains at the back is all the stage requires, out a fully equipped opera stage may be utilized and to great advantage. Ridiculous old maid costumes, with all their frills and fUf* belows, their cork^curls, mittens, work bags, bird cages, etc., are the proper costumes. Later on in the program some pretty young women in modern evening dress are required. The lattei should each be able to give a number of a miscellaneous pro- gram, that is, be able to sing, play some instrument, vhistle or recite well. This entertainment utilizes all sorts of talent, and gives ea(5h participant a good part. Large societies can give every mei^* ber something to do. SYNOPSIS. Gathering of the Members of the Society.— The RolbCall.— The Greet ing Song.— Minutes of the last meeting.— Report of The Treasurer.— Music: “ Sack Waltz.”— A paper on Woman’s Rights.— Song: “ No one to Love, None to Caress.”— Reading of “M irriage Statistics.”— The Advent of the Mouse.— Initiation of two Candid tes into the Society.— The Psalm of Marriage.— Secretary’s Report on Eligible Men. —A Petition to Con' ffress.— Original Poem by Betsy Bobbett.— Song: ‘*Why Don’t the Mon Propose?”— Report of The Vigilance Committee.— An Appeal to the Bachelors.— Prof. Make=Over.— The Remodeloscope.— Testimonials.— Tb* Transformation and a miscellaneous program- TOnPKIN’S RIRBD MAN. A DRAMA IN THREE ACT5. By EFFIE W, MERRiMAN. “Blamonds and Hearts,” “A Pair of Artists”, “Through a Matrlmo man Bureau,”“Their First Meeting,” “Comedies for Chlldren,”“Socials,’* 6tC* Price, 25 cents. This is a strong play. No liner character than Dixey, th hired man, has ever been created in American dramatic literature. He compels alternate laughter and tears, and possesses such quaint ways and so much of the mills of human kindness, as to make him a favorite with all audiences. The other male characters make good contrasts: Tompkins, the prosperous, straightfor- ward farmer; Jerry, the country bumpkin, and Remington, the manly young American. Mrs. Tompkins is a strong old woman part; Julia, the spoiled daughter; Louise, the leading juvenile, and Ruth, the romping soubrette, are all worthy of the best talent. This is a fine play of American life; the scene of the three acts being laid in the kitchen of Tompkin’s farm-house. The settings are quite elaborate, but easy to manage, as there is no change of scene. We strongly recommend “Tompkin’s Hired Man” as a sure success. CHARACTERS. Asa Tompkins— A prosperous farmer who cannot tolerate deceit Dixey— The hired man, and one of nature’s noblemen. John Remington— A manly young man in love with Louise. Jerry— A half-grown, awkward country lad. Mrs. Tompkins— A woman with a secret that embitters her. Julia— A spoiled child, the only daughter born to Mr. and Mrs. Tompkins. Louise— The daughter whom Mr. Tompkins believes to be his own. Ruth— Mr, Tompkin’s niece, and a great romp. PLAYS ABOUT TWO HOURSc SYNOPSIS: Act 1. Sewing carpet rags. “John and I are engaged.” “Well, you can disengage yourself, for you’ll never be married.” “Mrs. Clark, she’s took worse.” Who makes the cake? Julia declines to sew carpet rags. “It would ruin my hands for the piano or my painting.” Dixey to the rescue. ‘You take the rags a minute, child, and I’ll jist give that fire a boost.” Dixey’s story. “It breaks his heart, but he gives her away, an* he promises never teh let her know as how he’s her father.” Enter Jerry. “Howdy,” John gets a situation in the city. Farewell. “It’s a dandy scheme, all the same. We’ll have our party in spite of Aunt Sarah.” “Oh, I’m so happy.” The quartette. Curtain. Act 2. Chopping mince-meat. The letter. Louisa faints. “How dare ;ou read a paper that does not concern you? “You have robbed me of my /ather’slove.‘* The mother’s story. Dinner. “I swan, I guess I set this table with a pitchfork.” “Now, Lambkin, tell Dixey all ’bout it, can’t yer?” “It looks zif they’d got teh be a change here purty darned quick, an* zif I’'m the feller ’lected teh bring it ’bout.” “None o’ my bizness, I know, but— . I am her father 1” “It’s love the leetle one wants, not money.” “If I’d been a man, I’d never give my leetle gal away.” “I’m dead sot on them two prop- 'sitions.” Curtain. Act 3. Dixey builds the fire. “Things haint so dangerous when every-, body’s got his stummick full.” The telegram. “It means that Louise is my promised wife.” “By what right do you insinuate that there has been treachery under this roof?” “A miserable, dirty, little waif, picked up on the streets, and palmed off upon my father as his child I” “Oh my wife, your attitude tells a story that breaks my heart.” “Yeh druve her to do what she did, an’ yeh haint got no right teh blame her now.” “Friend Tompkins, a third man has taken our leetle gal, an’ we’ve both got teh larn teh git along without her. We kin all be happy in spite o* them two sentimental kids.” Curtain. ADDRESS ORDERS TO THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY. CHICAGO. PRACTICAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR PRIVATE THEATRICALS By W. D. EMERSON. [Author of ''A\Country Romance/’ ‘‘The Unknown Rival.” “Hum- ble Pie,” etc. Price, 25 cents. Here is a practical hand-book, describing in detail all the ac- cessories, properties, scenes and apparatus necessary for an ama- teur production. In addition to the descriptions in words, every- thing is clearly shown in the numerous pictures, more than one- hundred being insetted in the book. No such useful book has ever been offered to the amateur players of any country. CONTENTS. Chapter I. Introductory Remarks. Chapter II. Stage, How to Make, etc. m drawing-rooms or parlors, with sliding or hinged doors. In a single large room. The Curtain; how to attach it, and raise it, etc. Chapter III. Arrangement of Scenery. How to hang it; Drapery, tormentors, wings, borders, drops. Chapter IV. Box Scenes. Center door pieces, plain wings, door wings, return pieces, etc. Chapter V. How to Light the Stage. Oil, gas and electric lights. Footlights, Sidelights, Reflectors. How to darken the stage, etc. Chapter VI. Stage Effects. Wind, Rain, Thunder, Break- ing Glass, Falling Buildings, Snow, Water, Waves, Cascades, Passing Trains, Lightning, Chimes, Sound of Horses’ Hoofs, Shota. Chapter VII. Scene Painting. Chapter VIII. A Word to the Property Man. Chapter IX. To the Stage Manager. Chapter X. The Business Manager, Address Orders to THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY, CHICAGO. CAPT. RACKET ^ A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. BY Charles Townsend. PRICE 25 Cents. This latest play by Mr. Townsend will probably be one of his jnost popular productions; it certainly is one of bis best. It is lull of action from start to finish. Comic situations follow one after another, and the act-endings are especially strong and and lively. Every character is good and afiPords abundant oppor- tunity for effective work. Can be played by four men and three women if desired. The same scene is used for all the acts, and it is an easy interior. A most excellent play for repertoire com- panies. No seeker for a good play can afford to ignore it. CHARACTERS. C APT. Robert Racket, one of the National Guard. A lawyer when he has nothing else to do, and a liar all the time Comedy Lead. Obadiah Dawson, his uncle, from Japan “where they make tea” Comedy Old Man. Timothy Tolman, his friend, who married for money and is sorry for it Juvenile Mane Mr. DAL.ROY,his father in-law, a jolly old cove Eccentric Hobson, a waiter from the “Cafe Gloriana,” who adds to the confusion Utility. Clarice, the Captain’s pretty wife, out for a lark, and up to '‘anything awful” Comedy Lead. Mrs. Tolman, a lady with a temper, who finds her Timothy a vexation of spirit ^ Old Woman. Katy, a mischievous maid Souhrette. Tootsy, the “Kid,” Tim’s olive branch Props, SYNOPSIS. ACT. 1. Place; Tim’s country home on the Hudson near New York. Time: A breezy morning in September, The Captain’s fancy takes a flight and trouble begins. * j ACT. II. Place; the same; Time: the next morning. How one yarn re- quires another. “The greatest liar unhung,” Now the trouble increases and i the Captain prepares for war. I ACT. III. Place; the same. Time; evening of the same day. More misery. I A general muddle. “Dance or you’ll die.” Cornered at last. The Captain I owns up. All serene. Time of playing: Two hours. Order a sample copy, and see for yourself what a good play it is. The Dramatic Publishing Co’s^ Catalogue A WOMAN’S HONOR, A DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS By JOHN A. FRASER. Antlior of ••A Noble Outcast,*’ “ Santiago,*’ “ Modern Ananias,** ete., ala. Price, 25 cents. Seven male, three female characters. Plays two hours. For in- tense dramatic action, thrilling climaxes, uproarious comedy, and a story of absorbing romantic interest, actors, either profesional or ama- teur, will find few plays to equal “A Woman’s Honor.” With careful rehearsals they will find a sure hit is made every time without difficulty. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Heneral Mark Lester. A Hero of the Cuban Ten Years War Lead Pedro Mendez, his half brother Heavy Dr. Garcia, Surgeon of the Madalino Straight Gilbert Hall, M. I)., in love with Olive Juvenile hobert Glenn, a Wall Street Banker Old man rregory Grimes, Lester’s Private Secretary Eccentric comedy Ebenezer, Glenn’s Butler Negro comedy Ohve 1 Glen’s J Juvenile lead Sally f Daughters} ,,.,.SoubretU Maria, wife of Pedro Charaotew NOTE. — Glenn and Garcia may double Act I. The Glenn Mansion, New York City. Act 2. Th© Isle of Santa Cruz, off San Domingo. On© montb later. Acts 3 and 4. Lester’s home at Santa Cruz. Five months latei. Between Acts 3 and 4 , one day elapses. SYNOPSIS OP INCIDENTS. Act. I. Handsome (Ira wing=room at Glenn’s. Sally and Ebenezer. * T isn’t imputtineut, no, no, Missy.” “ Papa can’t bear Gregory Grimes, but I’m going to marry him if I feel like it.” “Going away?” “ I was dizzy for a moment, that was all.” “ This marriage is absolutely neces- sary to prevent my disgrace.” “General Lestei\you are a noble man, and I will repay my father’s debt of honor.” “ Kobert Glenn is dead.” Act 2. Isje of Santa Cruz. “Mark brings bis American bride to i his home to=day.” You and I and our child will be no better than ser- j vants.” “ How can I help but be happy with one so good and kind.’’ ! “ It means I am another man’s wife.” “ Dat’s mine, don’t you go to readm’ my lub lettahs in public.” Act 3. Sitting-room iu Lester’s house. “ What has happened? Is my husband safe? ” “ Break away, give your little brother a chance.” “ To tell th© truth, my heart is breaking.” “Debt of duty I and I was fool enough to think she loved me,’’ Act 4. “ The illness of the General has an ugly look.” “ The gos- sips have it she would rejoice to be rid of her husband.” “The Gilbert Hall I loved is dead.” “ Standing on the brink of the grave my vision is clearer.” “ Forgive, and I will devote my life to making you happy in order to repay the debt I owe you— a debt of honor.’’ Copies will bo seat jjostpaid to any address on leceipt of the pricic HAQEMAN’S MAKE=UP BOOK. By MAURICE HAGEMAN. Author of “What Became of Parker,” “Prof. Robinson,” “Hector,” “Mra Mulcahy,” “The First Kiss,” “By Telephone,” “To Rent,” eto. Price, 25 cents. The importance of an effective make-up is becoming more apparent to the professional actor every year, but hitherto there has been no book on the subject describing the modern methods and at the same time covering all branches of the art. This want has now been filled. Mr. Hageman has had an experience of twenty years as actor and stage-manager ,and his well-known llteiaryability has enabled him to put the knowledge so gained into shape to be of use to others. The book is an encyclopaedia of the art of making up. Every branch of the subject is exhaustively treated, and few questions can be asked by professional or amateur that cannot be answered by this admira- ble hand-book. It is not only the bOoA; ever published, but it is not likely to be superseded by any other. It is absolutely indispensable to every ambitious actor. / CONTENTS. Chapter I. General Remarks. Chapter 11. Grease-Paints, their origin, components and use. Chapter III. The Make-up Box. Grease-Paints, Mirrors, Face Powder and Puff, Exora Cream, Rouge, Liquid Color, Grenadine, Blue for the Eyelids, Brilliantine for the Hair, Nose Putty, Wig Paste, Mascaro, Crape Hair, Spirit Gum, Scissors, Artists’ Stomps, Cold Cream, Cocoa Butter, Recipes for Cold Cream. Chapter IV. Preliminaries before Making up; the Straight Make-up and how to remove it. Chapter V. Remarks to Ladies. Liquid Creams, Rouge, Lips, Eyebrows, Eyelashes, Character Roles, Jeweliy, Removing Make-up. Chapter VI. Juveniles. Straight Juvenile Make-up, Society Men, Young Men in 111 Health, with Red Wigs, Rococo Make-up, Hands, Wrists, Cheeks, etc. Chapter VII. Adults, Middle Aged, and Old Men. Ordinary Type of Manhood, Lining Colors, Wrinkles, Rouge, Sickly and Healthy Old Ag^ Ruddy Complexions. Chapter VIII. Comedy and Character Make-ups. Comedy Effects, Wigs, Beards, Eyebrows, Noses, Lips, Pallor of Death. Chapter IX. The Human Features. The Mouth and Lips, the Eyes and Eyelids, the Nose, the Chin, the Ear, the Teeth. Chapter X. Other Exposed Parts of the Human Anatomy. Chapter XL Wigs, Beards, Moustaches, and Eyebrows. Choosing a Wig, Powdering the Hair, Dimensions for Wigs, Wig Bands, Bald Wigs, Ladies’ Wigs, Beards on Wire, on Gauze, Crape Hair, Wool, Beards for Tramps, Moustaches, Eyebrows, Chapter XII. Distinctive and Traditional Characteristics. North American Indians, New England Farmers, Hoosiers, Southerners, Politicians. Cowboys, Miners, Quakers, Tramps, Creoles, Mulatoes, Quadroons, Octo- roons, Negroes, Soldiers during War, Soldiers during Peace, Scouts. Path- finders, Puritans, Early Dutch Settlers, Englishmen, Scotchmen, Irishmen, Frenchmen, Italians, Spaniards, Portuguese, South Americans, Scandina- vians, Germans, Hollanders, Hungarians, Gipsies, Russians. Turks, Arabs. Moors, Caffirs, Abyssinians, Hindoos, Malays, Chinese, Japane.se, Clowns and Statuary, Hebrews, Drunkards, Lunatics, Idiots, Misers, Rogues. Address Orders to THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY, CHICAaO, ILLINOIS. PLAYS. B eing the largest theatrical booksellers in the United States, we keep in stock the most complete and best assorted lines of plays and entertainment books to be fonnd in this conntry. We can snpply any play or book pnb- lished. We have issned a 144-page catalogne of the best 1500 plays and entertainment books published in the U. S. and England. It con- tains a full description of each play, giving number of characters, time of playing, scenery costumes, etc. This catalogue will be sent fret on application. The plays described are suitable for am ateurs and professionals, and nearly all of then may be performed free of royalty. Persons in terested in dramatic books should examine on catalogue before ordering elsewhere. The Dramatic Publishing Company. CHICAGO-