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THE 
 
 FOUR HUNCHBACKS 
 
 OR, 
 
 The Beggars of Tivoli ; 
 a tfnvtetta, in One act ; 
 
 BY XX. GOTT, 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 ELSHIE ; or, the WIZARD of the MOOR. 
 
 PERFORMED FOR THE FIRST TIME, MONDAY, APRIL I8th, 1823, 
 
 AT THE 
 
 EAST-LONDON THEATRE. 
 
 (to which is prefixed the original tale.) 
 
 LONDON: : 
 
 PRINTED FOR JOHN LOWNDES, 9, SOUTH-SIDE OF DRURY 
 LANE THEATRE 
 
 [Price One Shilling and Sixpence .] 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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 THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 At a short distance from Douai, there stood a castle on the 
 bank of a river near a bridge. The master of this castle was 
 hunchbacked. Nature had exhausted her ingenuity in the 
 formation of his whimsical figure. In place of understanding, 
 she had given him an immense head, which nevertheless was 
 lost between his two shoulders : he had thick hair, a short 
 neck, and a horrible visage. 
 
 Spite of his deformity, this bugbear bethought himself of 
 falling in love with a beautiful young woman, the daughter of 
 a poor but respectable burgess of Douai. He sought her in 
 marriage, and as he was the richest person in the district, the 
 poor girl was delivered up to him. After the nuptials he 
 was as much an object of pity as she, for, being devoured by 
 jealousy, he had no tranquillity night nor day, but went prying 
 and rambling every where, and suffered no stranger to enter 
 the castle. 
 
 One day during the Christmas festival, while standing sen T 
 tinel at his gate, he was accosted by three humpbacked 
 minstrels. They saluted him as a brother, as such asked him 
 for refreshments, and at the same time, to establish the frater- 
 nity, they ostentatiously shouldered their humps at him. — 
 Contrary to expectation, he conducted them to his kitchen, 
 gave them a capon with peas, and to each a piece of money 
 over and above. Before their departure, however, he warned 
 them never to return, on pain of being thrown into the river. 
 At this threat of the Chatelain the minstrels laughed heartily, 
 and took the road to town, singing in full chorus, and dancing 
 in a grotesque manner, in derision of their brother-hump of 
 the castle. He, on his part, without paying farther atten- 
 tion, went to walk in the fields. 
 
 B 
 
C 4 ] 
 
 The lady, who saw her husband cross the bridge, and had 
 heard the minstrels, called them back to amuse her. They 
 had not been long returned to the castle, when her husband 
 knocked at the gate, by which she and the minstrels were 
 equally alarmed. Fortunately, the lady perceived in a neigh- 
 bouring room three empty coffers. Into each of these she 
 stuffed a minstrel, shut the covers, and then opened the gate 
 to her husband. He had only come back to espy the conduct 
 of his wife as usual, and, after a short stay, went out anew, at 
 which you may believe his wife was not dissatisfied. She in- 
 stantly ran to the coffers to release her prisoners, for night 
 was approaching, and her husband would not probably be 
 long absent. But what was her dismay, when she found them 
 all three suffocated ! Lamentation, however, was useless. — 
 The main object now was to get rid of the dead bodies, and 
 she had not a moment to lose. She ran then to the gate, and 
 seeing a peasant go by, she offered him a reward of thirty 
 livres, and leading him into the castle, she took him to one of 
 the coffers, and shewing him its contents, told him he must 
 throw the dead body into the river ; he asked for a sack, put 
 the carcase into it, pitched it over the bridge, and then re- 
 turned quite out of breath to claim the promised reward. 
 
 " I certainly intended to satisfy you,” said the lady, “ but 
 you ought first to fulfil the condition of the bargain — you 
 have agreed to rid me of the dead body, have you not ? — 
 There, however, it is still.” Saying this, she showed him to 
 the other coffer in which the second humpbacked minstrel 
 had expired. At this sight the clown was perfectly con- 
 founded — “ how the devil ! come back ! a sorcerer !”— he 
 then stuffed the body into the sack and threw it, like the 
 other, over the bridge, taking care to put the head down, 
 and to observe that it sank. 
 
 Meanwhile the lady had again changed the position of the 
 coffers, so that the third was now in the place which had 
 been successively occupied by the two others. When the 
 
 
[ 5 ] 
 
 peasant returned, she showed him the remaining' dead body — 
 
 you are right, friend,” said she, “ he must be a magician, 
 for there he is again.” The rustic gnashed his teeth with 
 rage. “ What the devil ! am 1 to do nothing but carry about 
 this humpback?” He then lifted him up, with dreadful im- 
 precations and having tied a stone round the neek, threw 
 him into the middle of the current, threatening, if he came 
 o ut a third time, to despatch him with a cudgel. 
 
 The first object that presented itself to the clown, on his 
 way back for his reward, was the hunchbacked master of the 
 castle returning from his evening walk, and making towards 
 the gate. At this sight the peasant could no longer restrain 
 his fury. “ Dog of a humpback, are you there again ?” So 
 saying, he sprung on the Chatelain, threw him over his 
 shoulders, and hurled him headlong into the river after the 
 minstrels. 
 
 “ I’ll venture a wager you have not seen him this last time,” 
 said the peasant, entering the room where the lady was seated. 
 She answered, she had not. “ You were not far from it,” re- 
 plied he : “ the sorcerer was already at the gate, but I have 
 taken care of him — be at your ease — he will not come back 
 now.” 
 
 The lady instantly comprehended what had occurred, and 
 recompensed the peasant with much satisfaction. 
 
DRAMATIS PERSON AS. 
 
 -=0$@4O— 
 
 Antonio Dunnyplackett Mr. Monk. 
 
 Ricardo Mr. Harding. 
 
 Pero Mr. C. Edwards. 
 
 Narbuc ) C Messrs. T. Hill, 
 
 Carbuc > The Three Beggars < Marquis, 
 
 Barbuc ) l Saker. 
 
 Servant Mr. Shoard. 
 
 Leonora 
 
 Susette 
 
 Mrs. H. Beverly. 
 Miss Aintlie. 
 
THE 
 
 FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 SCENE THE FIRST. 
 
 A large old-fashioned Gothic Drawing-room ; in it are seen 
 three large antique Chests, one in centre at back f and one 
 on each side, forming part of the Furniture of the Room, 
 like Oaken Settees. — A window open, shews the Public 
 Road, skirting the House, a Door seen, p. s. 
 
 \ / 'f • ..-;v 'A ^ , '• •/ . 
 
 Leonora discovered seated in a pensive attitude. 
 
 Leonora. What a vexatious thing' it is to think that a fine 
 high-spirited girl like myself, with a fortune of my own the 
 day I’m one-and-twenty, should be obliged to crouch to the 
 tyrannical humours of a hideous old guardian, as deformed in 
 his mind as he is in his body, and all because he wants to 
 marry me to his own ugly self; — but I’ll disappoint him : — 
 Pd sooner 
 
 Susette pops in her head at the door. 
 
 Susette. Ma’am, my Lady, Lady Leonora 
 
 Leonora. Now, Wench, what do you want ? 
 i Susette. Merely to tell you Ma’am that old Mumblepumps 
 s gone out, he wont be back these two hours ; and now if 
 you like you may go and take a walk too. 
 
THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 Leonora. No, wench, no ! I’ll keep at home, by tasting 
 the sweets of liberty, for, however short a period, I only 
 sigh after it the more. When I return to my cage, I’ll e’en 
 try to reconcile myself to it ; ’tis but for a twelvemonth 
 longer, and then 
 
 Suselte. And then, you’re your own mistress. 
 
 Leonora. Yes, one-and-twenty. 
 
 Susette. Fortune. 
 
 Leonora. Liberty ! 
 
 Susette. Love ! 
 
 Leonora. And Ricardo. 
 
 Susette. A good little husband, and a fine large family. — 
 Lord, Ma’am, if I was in your place, how I should long to be 
 one-and-twenty. 
 
 Leonora. Heigho ! 
 
 Susette. Oh, don’t sigh, Ma’am, we shall weather the 
 storm yet I’ll be bound. Your old guardian, you know, 
 thinks that I’m in his interest ; this gives me a thousand op- 
 portunities of pleasing you, and teasing him ; and I needn’t 
 tell you, Ma’am, that when once a woman sets her mind on 
 mischief, old nick himself can’t stop her. 
 
 Leonora. Why how you run on, wench — we must rather 
 conciliate than irrritate. These men, Susette, can be very 
 troublesome if they like. 
 
 Susette. Not half so troublesome as we can. Ma’am ; I’m 
 sure you have no respect for old guardy, and if you had, 
 even if you was to marry him, take my advice. Ma’am, never 
 give these men, these sort of two-legged he-animals too many 
 liberties — they’ll get saucy on your hands, if you do, for in- 
 stance, if they wish to walk one way, be sure, nine times out 
 of ten, to walk the other, and if you do oblige them the 
 tenth, make it a particular favour ! and whenever they pre- 
 sume to ask for a kiss, give ’em your hand to kiss, tell ’em 
 that’s quite good enough for them, besides you can say you 
 can’t afford to have your lips wore out that way. 
 
 [ Dunnyplackett coughs without. 
 Lord, there he is, Ma’am, returned — there’s old Dunny- 
 plackett, now sit down and get in the dumps as quiet as you 
 please. 
 
 Leonora. Oh, the very sight of old guardee is enough for 
 
"PHE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 9 
 
 that, so to avoid the dumps. I’ll retire, and when he’s gone tell 
 me. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Dunnyplackett coughing ; he is richly dressed , blind 
 of one eye , and hump-backed , with an extraordinary 
 compliment of nose and chin. 
 
 Dunnyplackett . Bless my soul, it’s a sharp morning this, 
 sets one coughing, makes one almost look like an old man — I, 
 too, that am in the prime of life, look sharply to marry my 
 ward Leonora, and most likely have a very large family. — 
 ( Coughs violently, and on turning sees Susette laughing at 
 him, and trying to conceal it.) 
 
 Why, what the devil are you laughing at, eh ? at me ? 
 
 Susette. You, Lord, no Sir. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. What then ? Tell me this instant, 
 or 
 
 Susette. Not at you, Sir, not at you — I was— I was — 
 (stifling a titter ) laughing at your family. 
 
 Dunnpylackett. Why what do you mean by that, you 
 hussey ? What do you mean by laughing at my family, 
 before even one of them’s born ? 
 
 Susette. No, no, my dear Sir, you mistake — I was laugh- 
 ing to think of the many merry romps I should have with the 
 little ones, particularly if they was like their dear, amiable 
 father. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Ah, Susette. ( Looks at himself ). And 
 if they should be fortunate enough to prove a perfect resem- 
 blance of me, I flatter myself they’ll strike people with 
 astonishment. 
 
 Susette. Oh the sweet creatures ! 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Ha, ha, ha ! now don’t, don’t, you only 
 flatter 
 
 ( They both join in the laugh ; he bursts into a violent fit of 
 ' coughing.) 
 
 Susette. Hem! Fine strong cough. Sir! 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Yes, child, yes ! shews the vigour of 
 my constitution. ( Coughs ) Curse the cough. (Aside.)— 
 It is a fine strong one, it’s so strong that it’s made me quite 
 weak— I know I’m done up. Now, mind, Susette, what I say 
 
 C 
 
10 
 
 THE FOUR HUNCHBACK8. 
 
 to you— I’m going- to Tivoli upon a little business, I shan’t be 
 long, but now do, my good girl, have an eye upon Leonora ; 
 don’t let that Ricardo or his man Pero in on any account, 1 
 know he wants to run away with her/ and only think what a 
 distressing thing it would be to lose my wife before I was 
 married to her. 
 
 Susette. Oh, shocking. Sir, lamentable ! 
 
 Dunnyplackett. If you see them only lurking about the 
 house, even within_ half a mile, take my blunderbuss, and 
 shoot them. 
 
 Susette . I will, Sir— I’ll tell you what, I’ll do better than 
 that — I’ll set the dogs at ’em. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Ay, do, lucky thought, I hope they’ll 
 worry them well. Good bye, only be a good girl, and mind 
 my interests, and when I come back, I’ll give you — I’ll give 
 you 
 
 Susette. Yes, Sir, what? — 
 
 Dunnyplackett. A kiss. [Exit at door. 
 
 Susette. Stupid old fool, if you can give me nothing bet- 
 ter, or more substantial than that, you may keep it yourself ; 
 however, I must humour him, for while he thinks me in his 
 interest, it gives me an opportunity of lightening the capti- 
 vity of my much-loved mistress. Well, after all, there’s 
 nothing like liberty and love. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 I. 
 
 What makes the Soldier’s heart beat high. 
 
 When fierce he meets invading foes ? 
 
 What gives the Maid the sparkling eye, 
 
 When to meet her swain she goes ? 
 
 Oh ! ’tis Love and Liberty, 
 
 Oh ! ’tis Liberty and Love. 
 
 II. 
 
 What makes the Sailor’s heart beat strong. 
 
 Returning home from war’s alarms ? 
 
THE POUR HUNCHBACKS. 11 
 
 He clasps his Bride not seen so long-. 
 
 And she, she rushes to his arms. 
 
 Oh ! 'tis Love and Liberty, 
 
 Oh ! His Liberty and Love. 
 
 Enter Leonora, cautiously . 
 
 Leonora . Hist, hist, Susette ! 
 
 [ The notes of a Guitar heard outside . 
 
 Why, Susette, I say. — 
 
 Enter Susette. 
 
 Susette . Oh, my lady, my lady, my lady, old Dunny- 
 plackett's g-one out, and wont be home yet awhile ; and just 
 outside the door there's three travelling Musicians, but. Lord 
 bless me, such frights did I never see ; why they're uglier if 
 possible than old Guardee. 
 
 Leonora. Psha, wench, I'm out of humour I tell thee ; 
 however, if it pleases thee, e'en let them come in. 
 
 Susette. Oh, that’s delightful, I do so love a little bit of 
 music and a dance. {Goes to the door.) Come in, beauties — 
 come in 
 
 Enter Carbuc, Barbuc, and Narbuc, three squalid mi- 
 serable looking beggars , with Guitars, each of them 
 blind of one eye, humpbacked , with an en ormous nose 
 and chin, wooden shoes, and their patched dresses of 
 the same make and colour. They all bow. 
 
 Leonora. Mercy on me, what frights. 
 
 Carbuc. There, I told you so, let's be off. 
 
 Narbuc. Stop, stop, I tell you she's struck with us. 
 Barbuc. Struck, eh ! Damme, then, she's struck comical, 
 she eyes us as a cat would three rats, bothered which to make 
 choice of first. 
 
 Leonora. From whence come you ? 
 
 Narbuc. From Tivoli, lady. 
 
 Leonora. And where are you going to ? 
 
 Carbuc. Truly., a difficult question to answer, lady, we go 
 dny where and every where. 
 
12 
 
 THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 Barbuc. Yes, and in whatever house we go* there we 
 wish to stay, only let them find us plenty of eating, plenty of 
 drinking, and plenty of snuff, and we never wish to leave ’em. 
 
 Carbuc. ( Aside to Barbuc .) Barbuc, whenever you ask 
 people for snuff, always contrive first to leave your nose at 
 home, or else you'll frighten them. 
 
 Barbuc. ( To Narbuc.) Narbuc, what does Carbuc 
 mean ? 
 
 Narbuc. Why, Barbuc, he means, that when you ask peo- 
 ple for a pinch of snulf they’ll refuse you, because you’ve got 
 nowhere to put it. 
 
 Leonora. And prithee friends what can you do in return 
 for this good cheer ? 
 
 Barbuc. Ask our guitars. 
 
 Leonora. Are you skilled in music ? 
 
 Narbuc. Indifferently well ; and to help the music out we 
 oft’times shake a leg. 
 
 Carbuc. What Narbuc! shake a leg, shake one leg, my 
 lady, we shake two a piece. 
 
 Susette. Oh, my lady, my lady, how I should like to hear 
 ’em sing and see ’em dance. 
 
 Leonora. Well, girl your wish shall be complied with. — 
 Now friends, trust me, your endeavours shall be well re- 
 warded. 
 
 Susette. But stop, my lady, to make all secure I’ll first 
 lock the door. ( Locks the door.) Now beauties, begin. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 I. 
 
 Tho’ beggars we be, yet merry are we. 
 
 The children of frolic and fun ; 
 
 We never despair, laugh at sorrow and care. 
 
 Three jolly dogs every one. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 So we foot it merrily, 
 
 Guitars ring cherily ; 
 
 For we are the boys 
 That kick up a noise, 
 
 Three jolly dogs every one. 
 
THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS 
 
 13 
 
 II. 
 
 Tho’ we’ve all lost an eye, we can each of us spy, 
 
 A pretty girl under the rose ; 
 
 If with joy she dont jump, when I cock up my hump. 
 Yet she’s sure to fall in love with my nose. 
 
 III. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 If the girls prove cross, still we’re ne’er at a loss. 
 But with music recall the sweet smile ; 
 
 If our noses should fail, why our chins must prevail. 
 They laugh, and we dance all the while. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 As the chorus ends, the music changes to another lively air , 
 and the three beggars perform a grotesque dance. 
 
 Leonora. Bravely done, Susette, get them some re- 
 freshment. 
 
 Susette. Yes, Ma’am, they shall have a drop of the very 
 best wine in the house — I’ll tell you what, my lady. I’ll go 
 into your old guardee’s chamber, and see if I can’t steal a 
 bottle of the very best vintage — the old hunks always keeps 
 it there, that he may take his drops upon the sly. 
 
 \Exit Susette . 
 
 Leanwa. When you have refreshed yourselves, good 
 friends, I will reward you with a piece of money, and you 
 may then depart, for should my guardian return while you are 
 here, he would be angry at such an infringement of his or- 
 ders, and might be tempted to do you mischief. 
 
 Carbuc. There, do you hear that ? Let’s be off— I shan’t 
 stop for any thing. 
 
 Narbuc. I shall stop for the wine. 
 
 Barbuc. And I for the money. 
 
 Enter Susette with bottle and three glasses. 
 
 Susette. Here it is, a bottle of the best wine in all Italy, 
 
14 
 
 THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 I found it on the table just as old guardee had left it. Come 
 beauties drink, 
 
 [£/ie Jills each a glass ; they bow to Leonora, and all drink 
 off the contents of their glass at the same time ; when 
 finished they each make faces at the other , as if they 
 had swallowed something remarkably unpleasant. 
 
 Susette. A’nt it beautiful ?— .It’s a dose for an Emperor. 
 Barbuc. A dose for the devil 
 
 Narbuc. A dose for an Emperor— then I wish an Em- 
 peror had it with all my heart and soul. 
 
 Carbuc. Stinking cabbage water, by all that’s beautiful. 
 
 Susette. Why you impudent 
 
 \_A loud coughing heard without. 
 
 Oh, my lady 
 
 Leonora. Good heavens ! it’s my guardian 
 
 Susette. If he finds you three here, he’ll murder every one 
 of you. 
 
 Carbuc. Hide us. 
 
 Narbuc. The devil. 
 
 Barbuc. Put us any where. 
 
 £ The three beggars run about the stage in the greatest disorder, 
 trying to hide themselves. 
 
 Leonora. Stay, stay, for heaven’s sake, what can be done, 
 Susette ? 
 
 Susette. I have it. [ Goes to the three boxes and throws up 
 the lids. In here, if you value your lives. 
 
 Carbuc. \ 
 
 Narbuc. \ What, there ? Not a bit of it. 
 
 Barbuc. y 
 
 [ Cough heard again, and knocking at door. 
 Susette. Hark, he’s here — in, in. 
 
 [Leonora and Susette force them into the boxes, which Susette 
 locks, and puts the keys in her pocket. 
 
 [Exit Leonora. 
 
 Bunny placket. (Without.) Susette, why, Susette, I 
 
 say. 
 
 Susette. Coming, Sir, coming. 
 
THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 15 
 
 She unlocks the door, and enter Dunnyplacket.1 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Why the devil did’nt you let me in be- 
 fore, what did you lock the door for ? 
 
 Susette . Only to keep all safe, Sir. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Plague take it, to think that I should be 
 so forgetful as to neglect taking them papers with me that I 
 loft on the table in my chamber. IPs cost me an extra mile’s 
 walk — 1 must get them, however. ( As he’s going Susette 
 stops him.) 
 
 Susette. Had’nt I better fetch them. Sir ? 
 
 Dunnyplackett. No, come out of my way. I’ll fetch them 
 myself. [Exit Dunnyplackett , o. p. 
 
 Susette. Mercy on me, what will become of me ? he’ll find 
 out that the bottle’s gone. Oh guardian of chambermaids, 
 only let me get out of this scrape, and I’ll never do so anymore. 
 
 Enter Dunnyplackett with papers in his hand, o. p. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Why who the devil’s been moving the 
 bottle that was on my table ? 
 
 Susette. Bottle, Sir ! 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Bottle, Sir ! yes, bottle. Sir ! Don’t be 
 bottling me, but tell me at once 
 
 Susette. Oh, I recollect, I moved it when I put the room 
 to rights. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. I’ve a devilish good mind to put you to 
 rights — how dare you, you hussey, to meddle with any thing 
 belonging to me ? 
 
 Susette. Why, thinks I, my master, he’ll soon be home to 
 dinner, and knowing you loved a cheerful glass after it, and 
 seeing it was a bottle of wine, I brought it down to be 
 ready. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Wine ! why you stupid, hussey— it was 
 laudanum, 
 
 Susette. What l [ Lifting up her hands in astonishment. 
 
 Laudanum ! 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Laudanum, yes, laudanum ! why, damme, 
 the girl looks as if she’d swallowed the whole of the con- 
 tents. 
 
TIIF FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 16 
 
 Susette. No, Sir — I— I havn’t swallowed it. (Aside .) — 
 But I know who has. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Well, it’s very well you havn’t— if you 
 had, you’d have been as dead as my grandmother. Now mind, 
 I shall be back as soon as I can, keep a sharp look out. — 
 Wine, eh! very pretty wine — nice dose you’d have had. — 
 Wine, eh ! ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 [Exit Dunnyplackett at door. 
 
 Susette. Oh, my lady, my lady, my lady ! 
 
 Enter Leonora. 
 
 Oh, ma’am, here’s a pretty mistake I have made, the liquor I 
 gave the beggars, instead of being wine, was 
 
 Leonora. Was what ? 
 
 Susette. Laudanum, ma’am. 
 
 Leonor'a. Good heavens, quick, open the boxes, and let 
 the poor wretches out. 
 
 Susette opens the boxes and shakes the beggars. 
 
 Susette . They won’t come out, ma’am. 
 
 Leonora. Why ? 
 
 Susette. Because they are dead. 
 
 Leonora. Dead — unfortunate, imprudent girl. 
 
 [A knocking at the door, and a voice calls Susette. 
 
 Leonora. Quick, girl, down with the lids of the boxes — 
 quick, there’s somebody knocking. 
 
 Susette. I know the voice, it’s my sweetheart, Pero, your 
 lover, Ricardo’s servant. 
 
 She closes the boxes, opens the door, and enter Pero. 
 
 Pero. My lady, your most obedient ! Ah, Susette, you 
 pretty rogue, how d’ye do ? Oh, how I should like to have a 
 kiss of them sweet pretty pouting lips of yours. My master 
 madam, Signor Ricardo, whose very faithful servant I have 
 the honour to be, bids me say, that in less than an hour he 
 will hasten to you on the wings of love, and scaling the gar- 
 den wall, will wait for you in his old station in the summer- 
 house. ( Turns to Susette.) Come here, you little devil, and 
 
THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 17 
 
 give me a kiss. Why what’s the matter with you, you look 
 as melancholy as an old maid at a wedding ? — — 
 
 Susette. Don’t talk to me about old maids and weddings, 
 I shall never be married. 
 
 Pero. You wont ? 
 
 Susette. No, but I shall be hung. 
 
 Pero. The devil, that’s worse than ’tother. Why what 
 have you done ? 
 
 Susette. I’ve poisoned a man. 
 
 Pero. (Striding from, her.) How kind of you. 
 
 Leonora. Alas, Pero, ’tis too true, and how we are to get 
 clear of the disaster I know not — help us, good Pero, with 
 your counsel and advice. 
 
 Pero. State the case, ma’am, and I’ll prescribe. 
 
 Susette. ( Aside to Leonora.) Leave all to me. The long 
 and short of it, Pero, is this : — A travelling musician passing, 
 we called him in, and after he’d played a tune, I gave him a 
 glass of wine, as I thought, to refresh him, but it turned out 
 I'd filled him a glass out of old Dunny’s laudanum bottle. 
 
 Pero. Oh, oh, then he croaked, eh ! 
 
 Susette. And I 
 
 Pero. Ah, and you most likely ’ll croak too. 
 
 Susette. Unfortunate that I am. 
 
 Pero. Unfortunate ! not at all, you’ve only killed a fidler. 
 
 Leonora. You seem to make very light of it 
 
 Pero. Well, but joking apart, madam — what, have you 
 done with this teazer of catgut ? 
 
 Susette. There. \_Points to the box in back centre . 
 
 Pero. Oh, oh, what you have boxed him — wrong box for 
 him, eh ! 
 
 Susette. What do you laugh at, you brute you— think 
 what’s to be done if you don’t mean to see me hung. 
 
 Pero. -See you hung— I’d rather hang all the fiddlers in 
 Italy. Let me see what’s to be done ? My genius just now is 
 as dull as my pockets are empty. 
 
 Leonora. Then here’s something to replenish your pockets 
 and quicken your genius. [Give.? him a purse. 
 
 Pero. ( Taking the purse with one hand , and clapping the 
 other on his forehead, .) You’re right, madam, it has already 
 done both — the touch of gold operates upon me likemagic^ 
 
 D 
 
18 
 
 THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 for no sooner did I feel this purse, than a thought flew from 
 the palm of my hand up to my brain ; I’ve settled already 
 what I shall do with this tormentor of fiddles. 
 
 Susette. Well, my dear Pero, what is it ? 
 
 Pero. Oh, my dear Pero, bless us, how loving we are. — 
 Why, then, I’ll tell you — you know the old well at the bottom 
 of the garden, I shall hoist this son of a cremona on my shoul- 
 ders, take him there, and down with him. So now let’s have 
 a look at him. 
 
 Susette. (Runs to the box, and throwing up the lid, dis- 
 covers Narbuc — Pero starts back in astonishment.) There 
 he is. 
 
 Pero. Why he’s enough to frighten the devil, there’s a 
 nose, never saw such a handle to a man’s face in my life; he’s 
 the ugliest fiddler I ever saw. Fiddler ! damme, if he an t a 
 bottle-nosed trumpeter ; but nevermind, down the well he 
 goes, nose and all. There can be no harm in drowning a 
 dead man — come, Susette, lend a hand, and clap him on my 
 back. ( He gets Narbuc on his back, they helping him .) — 
 How dev’lish heavy he is, but it’s no wonder, it’s the weight 
 of his nose. Come, open the door, I’ll be back in a minute. 
 
 [ Exit at door in flat. 
 
 Leonora . Well, Susette, and what do you mean to do 
 with the o ther two ? 
 
 Susette. You’ll see, ma’am, only you do as 1 do, and I’ll 
 warrant we get out of this scrape. ( Susette goes and opens 
 the lid of the box on the right-hand side of the stage, and disco- 
 vers Carbuc.) Now, ma’am, follow me into this corner, and 
 scream out Pero for dear life. [ They both run up into a 
 corner, and scream out “ Pero, Pero.'* 
 
 
 Oh, Pero. 
 
 Enter Pero. 
 
 Pero. Hollo ! 
 
 Susette. 
 
 Leonora. 
 
 Pero. Why, what’s the matter ? 
 
 Susette. ( Pointing to the right-hand box) There, there ! 
 Pero. (Turning to the box, he sees Carbuc, and starts in 
 surprise. What’s that chap come back again ? Well, if I 
 didn’t shoot him into the well I’ll be shot myself. Come here. 
 
THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 19 
 
 madam, come here, Susetta, and tell me all about it, don't be 
 afraid. I’ll protect you, I can lick a dozen dead men. 
 
 [ Leonora and Susette come down. 
 
 Susette. Oh, Pero, just before you came, who should stalk 
 in at the door but 'the very dead man you’d taken out, and after 
 looking- about, he says three three times in a solemn manner, 
 “ hem, hem, hem \” Then he turned up his guitar, and he 
 danced to it exactly the same as when he was alive. Well, 
 when he’d finished, he walked up to that box. ( Points to box 
 in centre.) And he shook his head, as much as to say I was in 
 that box before, and I don’t like it. Then he walked to that 
 very box you see him in now, lifted up the lid, nodded his 
 head, as much as to say this will do, in he popped, and there 
 he is. 
 
 Leonora . (Aside.) Mercy on me, what an invention the 
 girl has. 
 
 Pero. Well, then, I suppose I only dreamt that I threw 
 him down the well — never mind, my fine fellow. I’ll make 
 sure of you now. By the great toe of St. Anthony, if I catch you 
 here again after this. I’ll cut your throat, [He takes Carbuc on 
 his back, Susette and Leonora assisting as before , and exit 
 Pero; Susette and Leonora come down laughing heartily. 
 
 Susette. So far, so good — now, madam, we must tread the 
 same ground over once again, and then I think we’re safe. — 
 [S/ie goes and opens the lid of the left-hand box. and disco- 
 vers Barbuc. 
 
 Leonora. Well, thou’rt a brave wench, and a marriage 
 portion shall be thine as soon as ever I’m of age ! yet, believe 
 me, I cannot help blaming myself for the fate of these three 
 poor wretches, and regret we cannot give them Christian 
 burial. 
 
 Susette. And if you did, ma’am. I’m sure we should never 
 have Christian burial — remember our necks, ma’am. Now, 
 my lady, another scream, nothing less than murder will do 
 this time. 
 
 [ They both set up a scream of “ Murder , Pero.” 
 Enter Pero. 
 
 Pero. Now then ! who’s murdering you ? 
 
 Susette. You ought to be ashamed of yourself — look there. 
 
 [Point sio left-hand box. 
 
10 
 
 THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 Pero. (Turn# and sees Barbuc.) What, again ? — It's 
 the devil— I’ll have nothing more to do with him. 
 
 \He runs towards the door, Susette and Leonora pull him 
 back. 
 
 Leonora. Fulfil the contract, either restore the purse, or 
 
 away with the body down the well 
 
 Pero. Why I have had him down the well twice, and you 
 see here he is again ; and as to restoring the purse — why — I 
 wish you may get it. 
 
 Susette. In one word, do you love me 
 
 Pero. In two words — I do 
 
 Susette. Do you wish to marry me ? 
 
 Pero. Do I ? Oh, I wish it was to take place in a quarter 
 of an hour. 
 
 Susette. Then mind, you never marry me till you keep 
 
 that fellow down the well 
 
 Pero. No — then here goes once again ( Fakes Barbuc 
 
 up on his back.) Come along, old boy, and when you’re down 
 the well once more, sooner than you shall rme up again. I’ll 
 
 chuck myself down after you, and keep you there 
 
 Susette. No, don’t do that, Pero, for it you do I shall 
 
 miss being married, and that’ll be a sad job 
 
 [ Exit Pero at door in flat, Leonora and Susette laughing, r. h. 
 
 SCENE THE SECOND. 
 
 A part of Dunny placket f 8 garden. 
 
 Enter Pero with BarbUc on his back. 
 
 Pero . Come along, my fine fellow, when I plump you 
 down the well this time, I think you’ll stand adev’lish poor 
 chance of ever coming up again; when once you're down, 
 Pll smother you with stones— if I can’t drown you. I’ll crack 
 your skull, so here we go— how dev’lish heavy he is. 
 
THE TOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 21 
 
 Enter Dunnyplackett. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. My mind misgives me most confoundedly ; 
 I can’t help thinking but there’s some mischief going on at 
 home, the more so, because I saw Ricardo hovering about the 
 house just now, trying, I suppose, to get a peep at Leonora; 
 but I’ll mar the design— I’ll take the back way to the house 
 through the garden and by the old welh There’s no know- 
 ing what mischief may be afloat — oven Susette, instead of 
 being in my interest, may be deceiving me all this while. — 
 
 Zounds ! the very thought makes me . Oh, if the hussey 
 
 should be playing double with me, I’ll kill her — I’ll bastinado 
 her— I’ll — I’ll — I’ll marry her, and live a hundred years to 
 punish her. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE THE THIRD. 
 
 A Garden , at the back a large old circular well wall, seen 
 about three feet high , over it a cross beam, from which 
 is suspended a draw rope — a large stone seen laying 
 on the ground. 
 
 Enter Pero, with Barbuc on his back, he lays him down, 
 then looks about, picks up the stone, takes a piece of 
 rope out of his pocket , and very quietly slings it. 
 
 & 
 
 Pero. Exactly the thing I wanted — now, old boy, I'll 
 slingthis stone round your neck, and if that don’t keep you 
 down, why, I believe I must give it up as a bad job. 
 
 [ While he says this he slings the stone round Barbuc' s 
 neck, takes him up, and flings him head-foremost down the 
 well. 
 
 There, now, to make my job complete, I’ll go and pick up 
 half a dozen good pebbles, of about a pound weight each, 
 and I’ll be bound when I return and chuck them down upon 
 him I hit him somewhere, if I don’t break his head I’ll break 
 his nose, and that ’ll be putting one troublesome article out 
 of the way at any rate. [Exit* 
 
22 
 
 THK FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 Enter Ricardo and Leonora. 
 
 Ricardo. Never mind the fortune, Leonora, curse the 
 money, His you yourself I want, not the paltry trash ; yield to 
 my entreaties, lovely girl, fly from this guardian to the fond 
 arms of your faithful lover, and I swear this very hour shall 
 make you mine 
 
 Leonora. Not so, Ricardo, I love you too well to come 
 portionless to your arms— patience, patience, a few months 
 longer, and both me and my fortune are yours, till then — - — 
 [ Dunnyplackelt heard coughing without. 
 Good heavens, my guardian ! fly, fly, Ricardo — here, this way, 
 this way. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Dunnyplackett. 
 
 Dunnyplackett . Now I shall pounce upon them nicely if 
 they are playing me tricks — why who the devil’s this ? 
 
 Enter Pero, without seeing Dunnyplackett — he has in his 
 hand several large stones , which he throws down. 
 
 Pero. There, I think when they go upon his nob, they’ll 
 be a settler for old nosey. [Turns sharp round, and seeing 
 Dunnyplackett starts to the side of the stage. 
 
 Why, damme, if nosey an’t there again — ah, you can’t deceive 
 me, though you have changed your clothes, I know you by 
 your nose. Stop a minute, I’ll put you to bed with a shovel 
 directly. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Why you rascal you, who are you ? 
 
 Pero. What’s that to you: — I’m your executioner. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Why what do you mean, you scoundrel ? 
 
 Pero. Come, come along, you must go into your old shop. 
 
 \_He catches Dunnyplackett up in his arms. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Help ! help ! 
 
 Pero. It’s no use, go you must [He throws him head- 
 
 foremost down the well, the three beggars roar out “ murder .” 
 Why the fellow’s got half a hundred voices — never mind. I’ll 
 make sure of you. I’ll knock your brains out if you’ve got any. 
 
 £ He picks up the stones, and throws them down the well , as 
 he throws the first down a voice roars out “ oh, my nose” the 
 second time “ oh, my eye,” the third time “ curse your nose 
 and your eye too, let me come owt, murder 
 
the four hunchbacks. 
 
 23 
 
 Enter Ricardo, Leonora, and Susette. 
 
 Ricardo. 
 
 Susette. 
 
 Leonora. 
 
 Pero. Matter ! matter enough — what do you think, ma’am, 
 after sending that bottle-nosed fiddler three times neck and 
 crop down the well, I had’nt been gone above five minutes 
 before he was up again, and dressed in a fine suit of clothes 
 too, but he couldn’t deceive me, I knew him by his nose. 
 
 Susette. A fine suit of clothes, gemini ! but I suspect 
 something more mischief my lady. Pero, what was his 
 clothes ? 
 
 Pero. Green and gold. 
 
 Susette . Mercy on me, why you fool, you’ve killed old 
 Dunnyplackett. 
 
 Pero. It’s his own fault, he should have wore a different 
 kind of nose, then there’d have been no mistake. 
 
 Leonora. Oh, my poor guardian — you’ve killed him. 
 
 Pero. Then you shouldn’t have employed me to drown the 
 one-eyed fiddler, but, however, here’s the bucket-rope, we’ll 
 lower it down and give him a hoist, tho’, I dare say, he’s 
 dead, for I gave him some precious toppers. I say, if you’re 
 dead tell us. [ He throws a stone down the well, a confused 
 noise of different voices heard from the bottom of it — one 
 crying “ murder,” another “ give it him, Barbuc,” a third 
 “ pitch into him, NarbucP 
 
 Why, Pm blowedif he and the old fiddler an’t fighting. 
 
 Ricardo. For heaven’s sake let us get him up. 
 
 Pero. Come along. Sir, a little of your help, if you please, 
 for his nose is dev’lish heavy. \Pero and Ricardo wind up 
 the bucket-rope, and presently appears Dunnyplackett, then 
 Barbuc, Carbuc , and Narbuc. 
 
 Hollo ! what four of you, and all alive ? 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Yes, you rascal, but there’s no thanks to 
 you for that. 
 
 Pero. Whenever Pm employed about a job I always like 
 to finish it. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Job, finish — I know you’d like to have 
 finished me. Zounds, who was at the bottom of all this ? 
 
 Susette. Why you was just now, Sir. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Me, hussey ? 
 
 What’s the matter ? 
 
24 
 
 THE FOUR HUNCHBACKS. 
 
 Susette. Yes, at the bottom of the well, I mean. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. Psha ! go to the devil, who will explain 
 all this. 
 
 Pero. Why I wonder you wasn’t all drowned. 
 
 Carbuc. It’s not the fashion for people to be drowned in 
 a dry well. [ Ricardo and Leonora come down. 
 
 Leonora. Only forgive us guardian, and we’ll explain 
 every thing. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. What you here, and Ricardo with you, 
 nay, then, I see how it is — I perceive I’m an old fool at last. 
 
 Pero. What have you just found that out ? 
 
 Ricardo. Silence — come, Sir, be kind, my affection for 
 Leonora is pure and disinterested, to prove it, give me 
 Leonora, and I’ll resign her fortune willingly. 
 
 Dunnyplackett. No, no. I’ll not do things by haloes, there, 
 take her fortune and all. [ Jointhcir hands. 
 
 Ricardo. Pero, what are you doing there with Susette ? 
 
 Pero. Doing what you have been doing, Sir — making love. 
 
 Leonora. I shall not forget my promise, the day that 
 gives me to Ricardo, gives Susette to you ; but what can we 
 say to our poor musicians for the troubles they’ve gone 
 through, how make them amends, say what can we give you ? 
 
 Carbuc. Money ! 
 
 Narbuc. Victuals ! 
 
 Barbuc. /And snuff! 
 
 Dunnyplackett. AVell, now then let’s in, and over a cheer- 
 ful glass recount the mistaeesofthe day, then, “ rising like giants 
 refreshed,” we may come forward and say. Ladies and Gen- 
 tlemen, with your permission, the Four Hunchbacks will one© 
 more tell their tale to you to-morrow. 
 
 FINALE. 
 
 No w let us merry sing, 
 
 And chase all care away. 
 
 For soon the wedding-ring 
 Shall make us blythe and gay ; 
 
 Come again to-morrow, 
 
 Joy shall banish sorrow ; 
 
 Ever merry shall you be. 
 
 While you see the beggars three. 
 
 FINIS.