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 VARIETIES OF LIFE; 
 
 OR, 
 
 CONDUCT AND CONSEQUENCES. 
 
 A NOVEL. 
 
 IN THREE VOLUMES. 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR 
 
 OF " SKETCHES OF CHARACTER.' 
 
 '• If I give speeches and conversations, T oujht to g'ive them 
 jvistly ; for the humours and characters of persons cannot be 
 known, unless I repeat what they say, p.-^xA. their manner o^ 
 saying." Richardson. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED FOR LONGMAN, HURST, REES, ORME, ANDBRO^VX 
 PATERNOSTKR ROiV. 
 
 1815.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE 
 
 CHAP. I, 
 
 ItXR. Bolingbroke, an elderly gentle- 
 man of large fortune, set out from 
 1 London at the close of an important 
 'jj session of parliament, in which he had 
 4?" greatly distinguished himself, to spend 
 3some time with his brother in Wales, 
 •>; previously to visiting his estate in Staf- 
 v^fordshire. 
 
 ^ Some unpleasant family occurrences 
 ^.had tinctured his mind with a gloom 
 ^which considerably added to the natural 
 '^austerity of his temper. Mr. Boling- 
 t broke felt this: and while he vainly en- 
 deavoured to persuade himself, that hk 
 
 VOL. I. K
 
 2 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 was a just cause of resentment, he v\;as 
 far from being satisfied with his own con- 
 duct : he could not conceal from himself 
 that it was actuated by family pride, and 
 the opinions and prejudices of the world : 
 the conviction that he possessed not the 
 resolution to shake off these trammels, 
 had the double effect of putting him out 
 of humour with himself, and withthat 
 world for which he had sacrificed so 
 much. 
 
 The acuteness of his feelings, how- 
 ever, daily experienced some diminution, 
 and he was now in better spirits than he 
 had been in for many years. The figure 
 he had lately made in the senate, trans- 
 fused into his heart a certain self-ap- 
 plause, which tended to dispose him for 
 the enjoyment of society. In this tem- 
 per of mind, Mr. Bolingbroke had ac- 
 cepted his brother's invitation to Llan- 
 wyllan; and though unaccustomed to 
 derive- any great gratification from objects
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 3 
 
 merely visual, he could not be wholly 
 indifferent to the romantic scenery of the 
 country, through which he was now for 
 the first time travelling. 
 
 It was a glowing summer's afternoon; 
 and as the carriage swiftly turned the 
 corner of a road, which branched off on 
 one side into a green lane, Mr. Boling- 
 broke's ear was struck with the sound of 
 youthful laughter ; at the same instant 
 two beautiful boys, apparently about 
 eight years of age, rushed across the 
 road towards a stile on the opposite side. 
 The youngest, in pursuit of the other, 
 fell — and the postillions had just time to 
 stop the horses, to prevent their running 
 over him. 
 
 Mr. Bolinsjbroke was not a man en- 
 
 dued with much feeling, but the acci- 
 
 dent excited more than common interest ; 
 
 and a servant coming up to the boy's as* 
 
 B 2
 
 4 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 sistance, Mr. Bolingbroke enquired of 
 him who the children were. 
 
 " They are Captain Worthington's, 
 Sir/^ 
 
 *' And they (live ?** continued 
 
 Mr. Bolingbroke, with some agitation. 
 
 *' Not far off, Sir; at the cottage you 
 see there, between the trees. My master 
 is just gone to sea." 
 
 " Papa has got a ship Sir," said the 
 eldest boy; " the Thunderbolt, a seventy- 
 four." 
 
 " And what is your name, my little 
 fellow?" 
 
 *< Arthur Sir; and my brother's name 
 is George," 
 
 A tear unbidden swam in Mr. Boling-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 6 
 
 broke's eye, and unchecked, rolled down 
 his cheek. 
 
 " Your mother is well — and happy — /' 
 Mr. Bolingbroke scarcely knew what he 
 said: ashamed of his weakness, he turned 
 aside to conceal his emotion, and drawing 
 off a brilliant from his finger, he gave it 
 to the child, and bidding him take care 
 of it, ordered the postillions to drive on, 
 
 Mrs. Worthington was playing with a 
 little girl in the garden before her cottage, 
 when her two boys appeared at the gate, 
 
 "Oh Mamma ! Mamma V* exclaimed 
 Arthur, running up to his mother, and 
 tip-toeing to shew her his glittering trea- 
 sure; " look here! see what I have got!" 
 
 Mrs. Worthington regarded the ring 
 for a moment with a perplexed air ; then 
 suddenly taking it out of Arthur's hand.
 
 O VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 she eagerly examined the reverse 
 
 *' Where did you find this, Arthur?'" en- 
 quired Mrs. Worthington with consider- 
 able agitation. 
 
 A gentleman gave it to me — /' 
 
 ** Were you with them, Johnson ?" 
 
 The servant began explaining what 
 had happened, when Mrs. Worthington, 
 almost breathless with expectation, ea- 
 gerly demanded who was in the carriage. 
 
 " An old gentleman, ma'am, who 
 looked out to see whether the little boy 
 Avas hurted — he seemed mightily taken 
 with master Arthur, ma'am, and asked 
 their names, and — " 
 
 " And didn't he cry, Johnson?" said 
 George. 
 
 •^ I think I did see tears in his eyes,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 7 
 
 ma'am, when he gave his ring to master 
 Arthur/' 
 
 " And then the chaise drove away," 
 added George, " and he gave nothing to 
 me- 
 
 
 Mrs. Worthington went musing into 
 the house: she knew the ring; — it had 
 been her mother's, and since her death 
 had been worn by her father. What can 
 he mean, thought Mrs. Worthington; 
 can it be possible that after ten years of 
 resentment, an incident of so unimport- 
 ant a nature should have awakened emo- 
 tions of tenderness towards his poor 
 daughter — does he send this to me as a 
 pledge of his returning affection? — what 
 am I to think? how am I to act? — oh 
 that my Augustus were now here to 
 advise. 
 
 The adventure certainly seemed to pro-
 
 8 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 mise well, and Mrs. Worthington in- 
 dulged a hope that her father might shew 
 a further disposition towards a reconcili- 
 ation ; then she considered he might na- 
 turally expect that she should now make 
 some advances on her part : but she 
 knew her husband's independent spirit ; 
 and while affectionate duty urged her to 
 forget a father's past unkindness, and 
 seek to engage his heart towards his grand- 
 children, she was fearful of incurring a 
 beloved husband's displeasure. 
 
 After deliberating for several days on 
 this trying occasion, she resolved upon a 
 middle course ; and wrote a letter to her 
 father, in which she spoke of his inter- 
 view with her children, in such a man- 
 ner as she thought calculated to excite 
 a further interest in their behalf; but 
 fearing to express more than her husband 
 might approve, she made no direct ap- 
 peal for a general forgiveness; and the
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 9 
 
 letter might be considered rather as an 
 acknowledgment of the kindness mani- 
 fested to her son, than as one soliciting 
 a reconciliation. 
 
 Mr. Bolingbroke, on leaving his two 
 grand-children, felt some uneasy sen- 
 sations at his past neglect. The infant 
 years of his daughter were brought to 
 his remembrance: in Arthur he traced 
 her features ; and the name he bore was 
 his own ; but in George, he fancied he 
 saw the stamp of his father, and his 
 soul recoiled from the resemblance. He 
 arrived at his brother's in a state of mind 
 ready to have received and forgiven his 
 daughter ; but all the Bolingbroke pride 
 w^as assembled at Llanwyllan to repel 
 these emotions ; his brother's wife, a 
 woman of haughty manners and sarcas- 
 tic spirit, he dreaded most : stern and 
 inflexible in her own opinions, she 
 treated capricious and fluctuating dispo- 
 b5
 
 10 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 sitions with undisguised contempt. Mr. 
 Bolingbroke thought it best to conceal 
 from his family the adventure he had 
 met with, till he should receive from his 
 daughter such a letter as might be shewn 
 to them, and ensure their approbation 
 to his extending^ towards her that pater- 
 nal regard which still warmed his bosom: 
 but his affections had been only gently 
 roused ; he felt disappointed in not 
 hearing sooner from Mrs. Worthington : 
 family prejudice re-assumed its ascend- 
 ency, and the intercourse with the 
 haughty circle in which he was now 
 placed, had almost effaced the recollec- 
 tion of the interview with his grand- 
 children, when his daughter's letter ar- 
 lived. 
 
 It was not such a one as he had ex- 
 pected ; and without taking into con- 
 sideration the circumstances which na- 
 turally made it embarrassmg ibr Mrs.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 11 
 
 Worthington to address him, he des- 
 patched his answer before the effects of 
 his disappointment had subsided. 
 
 It was couched in cold terms, expres- 
 sing a satisfaction that she was well, and 
 wishes for her happiness ; but Adelaide 
 looked in vain for any assurances of for- 
 giveness. It adverted not to her hus- 
 band ; but, glancing slightly at the inci- 
 dent which had introduced her sons to 
 him, he proposed to take Arthur under 
 his protection ; hinting at the same time, 
 that in doing so, he must be considered 
 as having the entire guardianship of him. 
 
 This was a step Mrs. Worthington felt 
 she had no right to take, without her 
 husband's concurrence ; she therefore 
 replied to her father, repeating her thanks 
 for his kindness, and cautiously letting 
 him understand she would write more 
 decisively as soon as she could obtain
 
 12 VARIETIES OF LIFL. 
 
 the sentiments of another, whom she 
 durst not name to her father, but whose 
 approbation was nevertheless indispen- 
 sible. 
 
 Mrs. Worthington lost no time in 
 writing to her husband, but several 
 months elapsed before she received his 
 answer. He confessed he had many ob- 
 jections to the plan, but considering the 
 advantages it promised to. his son in a 
 pecuniary point of view, he conceived 
 he should not be justified in withhold- 
 ing his consent. 
 
 Mrs. Worthington having made the 
 necessary communication to her father, 
 every thing was soon arranged for Ar- 
 thur's departure. 
 
 It was late in the evening when John 
 Wingrove, an old servant of Mr. Boling- 
 broke's arrived at Mrs. Worthington's
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 13 
 
 cottage, for the purpose of conducting 
 the little boy to his grandfather. 
 
 " My dear young lady !" cried the old 
 man, as he took Mrs. Worthington's 
 offered hand, while with his other he 
 dashed off a starting tear, " Fm glad to 
 see you look so well, indeed I am.'^ 
 
 Mrs. Worthington gave him a hearty 
 welcome, and mutual enquiries passed 
 between them. 
 
 " What fine children your's be. Miss,'' 
 cried Wingrove, as the boys and their 
 elder sister were taken away to bed — 
 " and I shall see the little lady to-morrow 
 — is she like you ma'am ? — dears heart ! 
 I recollect you Miss, when you was 
 born. My poor dear lady was taken ill 
 in the midst of a large party we had to 
 dinner; there was Squire Pinckney's 
 family, and my Lady Downashton and
 
 14 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 her son, and his lady — and I don't know 
 who besides — and there, I saw madam 
 w^asn't well by no means ; and says I to 
 nurse Matthus, nurse, sa^^s I, the com- 
 pany hain't all come yet, says I ; there's 
 one more to come yet. And who's that? 
 says she ; what, is Mr. Long expected, 
 or Squire Greenly ? — no matter nurse, 
 says I, perhaps 'twill be neither squire 
 Long nor squire Short, but the com- 
 pany hain't all come, for all that, says I; 
 and sure enough, in half an hour after, 
 you came to town." 
 
 Mrs. Worthington had often heard the 
 account of Squire Long and Squire 
 Greenly, and well knowing how many 
 other stories generally followed, of the 
 same nature, she endeavoured to break 
 the thread of his recollection, by some 
 enquiries relating to more recent events, 
 and particularly respecting her father.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 15 
 
 " Why Miss ; — there, I call you Miss^ 
 still ; — why as to master, he is to be 
 sure a little altered ; I can't but say, 
 but what he is — I can't please him some- 
 how as I used to ; and sometimes he 
 speaks harsh-like to me — but there — I 
 know, 'tis — you see, — that affair — that 
 day as you, — excuse me, my dear young 
 lady ; and I hope and trust all will be 
 well 'it ; the old gentleman will take his 
 time about it — I can't but say, but what 
 / was vexed too, for I knew all your fa- 
 mily wished so much to see you and 
 Squire Estcourt come together ; — but 
 there, if it wasn't to be, w hy it wasn't 
 to be — and if so be, as you liked the 
 captain better, you was in the right to 
 have him, and 'tis all for the best I dare 
 say, nor 'tisn't for us " 
 
 The garrulous old man was running 
 on, wide of the mark, when Mrs. Worth- 
 mgton was again obliged to interpose,
 
 16 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 and having obtained from him many par- 
 ticulars which she was anxious to hear, 
 and many more which she could well 
 have dispensed with, she wished Win- 
 grove a good night, and retired to bed. 
 
 The next morning, Arthur being 
 equipt for the journey, his mother took 
 him to her room, where, straining him 
 to her bosom, she gave vent to those 
 emotions which a true mother only feels, 
 and having given him such advice as 
 was suited to his tender years, she con- 
 ducted him to the carriage. 
 
 '' God bless you, my dear lady," cried 
 old Wingrove. 
 
 «' Good bye, mamma— good bye George 
 and Ellen,'' said Arthur, with tears glit- 
 tering in his eyes ; " good bye little 
 Sophy/'
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 17 
 
 " Ta, ta/' said the nurse, making the 
 baby shake its hand. 
 
 Though Mrs. Worthington felt that 
 Arthur would be now placed in afflu- 
 ence, she could not suppress some un- 
 easy reflections : she considered the 
 dangers to which a youth enjoying an 
 independence is exposed ; she feared 
 that his grandfather would educate him 
 in those prejudices which shaded his 
 own character ; that he might interdict 
 any intercourse with his father; and 
 that Arthur might thus become an alien 
 to his nearest relatives. Under these 
 impressions she condemned herself for 
 parting with her son ; but she consoled 
 herself with the idea that Arthur might 
 be the happy instrument of bringing 
 about a general reconciliation. 
 
 Arthur was now proceeding on his 
 journey to Bolingbroke Court, in Staf.
 
 18 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 fordshire : he was very inquisitive on 
 the road ; but old Wingrove, though ex- 
 tremely talkative, was much more in- 
 clined to speak of things which were 
 totally uninteresting to his young com- 
 panion. 
 
 " Are we almost come ?'* Arthur 
 would often ask, and as often received 
 for an answer, " Oh, we have a great 
 many miles to go yet ;" at length, how- 
 ever, Mr. Wingrove gave him some 
 hopes of arriving at the end of his 
 journey. 
 
 " Now Master Arthur ! look out 
 yonder ! there ! ! that's your grand- 
 papa's." 
 
 Arthur descried a large mansion, stand- 
 ing on an eminence, backed by tall trees, 
 which stretched on each side for a con- 
 siderable distance ; in front appeared an 
 extensive park. Wingrove had now
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 19 
 
 something to say to every one they met: 
 he stopped to chat a few minutes with 
 the landlord of the Bolingbroke-arms, 
 and soon afterwards as they passed over 
 a bridge he exclaimed, " there ! now 
 we are come to our estate — all this is 
 your grand-papa's." 
 
 " What, all those trees, and all those 
 houses, and fields !" 
 
 " Every thing for miles round/' 
 
 Arthur seemed lost in amazement, 
 while Wingrove expatiated on the beau- 
 ties of the place, till they arrived at the 
 lodge. 
 
 " Here we are, Mrs. Bevan, come at 
 
 last — here's a fine boy !" 
 
 " Well, only to think !" cried the old 
 woman, " how time do run — lack a day, 
 why it seems to me but 'isterday as it
 
 20 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 all happened bless me/^ continued 
 
 Mrs. Bevan, " ^tis a nice little gentle- 
 man indeed, — well, and you saw, I sup- 
 pose " Mrs. Bevan was going to 
 
 make further enquiries, but Wingrove 
 desired her to postpone her curiosity a 
 little, and ordered the carriage to pro- 
 ceed. 
 
 Mr, Bolingbroke was walking on a 
 terrace at the end of his garden, when 
 he observed the chaise approach ; but 
 instead of extending his walk to meet his 
 little guest, he returned to the house, 
 and acquainting the housekeeper that his 
 expected visiter was arrived, he desired 
 her to go out to recetve him, and retired 
 to his own room. 
 
 " Why, you be a fine boy, indeed,** 
 observed Mrs. Mount, taking Arthur by 
 the hand, and stroking back the hair 
 from his forehead, while she intently 
 examined his features ; " and who are
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 21 
 
 you like, little master ; let me see — why 
 he^s got my young missuses eyes. Ah ! 
 and he's like the picture of the Lady 
 Gertrude, that hangs in the blue drawing- 
 room/' 
 
 " Ffaith," cried the butler, *' he's like 
 the Captain, though !" 
 
 " Come, young Sir," said Mrs. Mount, 
 " let me shew you the way to your 
 grand-papa's room." 
 
 Mr. Bolingbroke received Arthur with 
 many expressions of kindness, but there 
 was little appearance of warmth in his 
 manner ; and after putting a few trivial 
 questions to him, they parted for the 
 evening. 
 
 Poor Arthur was but little gratified 
 with this specimen of affection :— during 
 his journey the successive novelties that 
 attracted his attention on the road, had
 
 29 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 somewhat effaced the parting scene with 
 his mother; but now, the tears flowed 
 plentifully from his eyes, and he could 
 not but think the cold grandeur of Bo- 
 lingbroke Court, a poor exchange for 
 the happy cottage, and the beloved rela- 
 tives he had left. 
 
 Mr. Bolingbroke had not sought the 
 child as a companion in his solitary 
 abode, but merely as a being who would 
 probably inherit the Bolingbroke estates; 
 and as such, he was desirous to have 
 him brought up in a manner that should 
 correspond with his rank in life: he had 
 no idea of watching over the infant 
 mind, of checking the seeds of vice, or 
 of encouraging the opening germes of 
 virtue; all he knew of the duty he owed 
 to his grandson, was to give him what 
 he considered proper ideas of his future 
 consequence, and the best education 
 which public schools afforded.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 93 
 
 CHAP. IL 
 
 Arthur being, at so early an age, re- 
 moved to such a distance from his 
 family, could have but little intercourse 
 with them: a fev/ letters were occasion- 
 ally written to his mother, which, at 
 first, were merely communicative of his 
 being well, and the studies in which he 
 was engaged : as he grew older, other 
 pursuits occupied his thoughts ; and as 
 these were not always fit subjects for his 
 letters, correspondence with those who 
 were anxious to hear a good account of 
 him, became irksome, and his mother
 
 24? VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 was grieved to find that the conse- 
 quences, which she had apprehended 
 from his removal from her care, had been 
 too surely anticipated. 
 
 In the meanwhile, his brother led a 
 very different life ; educated in retire- 
 ment, he enjoyed the society of his be- 
 loved family, while, at the same time, 
 he pursued his studies under the care of 
 the reverend Mr. Shirley, who, having 
 several sons whom he educated himself, 
 had been prevailed on by many of his 
 friends to take their children also under 
 his tuition: by degrees he established a 
 tolerably large school, which he con- 
 ducted upon such a plan as procured 
 him general patronage, but unfortunately 
 without insuring to himself an adequate 
 emolument. The Hving of Aberfowey 
 too was very inconsiderable, and as Mr. 
 Shirley was by no means of a strong
 
 VARIEXIES OF LIFE. 25 
 
 constitution, and his health being now 
 in a declining state, his means for pro- 
 viding for his family were very limited. 
 He judged it prudent to bring up his 
 children with very humble ideas as to 
 their station in life, though he did as 
 much as lay in his power to put them 
 forward in the world. His eldest son he 
 apprenticed to an apothecary ; the second 
 was with a respectable bookseller ; and 
 the others were as yet too young to have 
 formed any serious thoughts on their 
 future destination in life. 
 
 Mr. Shirley had two daughters, and 
 though extremely averse to trusting them 
 from his own and their mother's eye, yet 
 the circumstance of his keeping a boys' 
 school, induced him to consent to a tem» 
 porary separation, and Maria, who was 
 several years older than her sister, was 
 placed at an excellent school in BristoL 
 
 VQL, I. c ni b9
 
 ^6 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 She always spent her holidays at home, 
 and as George Worthington often came 
 to see Mr. Shirley during the vacations, 
 he had frequent opportunities of becom- 
 ing acquainted with his daughter, whose 
 various good qualities rendered her an 
 object of his affectionate regard. 
 
 Soon after George had been placed at 
 Mr. Shirley's, an incident occurred, 
 wherein his generosity and disinterested- 
 ness gained him the friendship of Henry 
 Maitland, a boy who was two or three 
 years his senior, and whose steady appli- 
 cation to his studies had placed him at 
 the head of the school. 
 
 The mother of Henry was a widow, 
 who had resided in the neighbourhood 
 for many years, but no one appeared to 
 know any thing of her relatives or con- 
 nexions : she never spoke of them ; was 
 reserved in her communications respect-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 2/ 
 
 ing herself, and nothing was known con- 
 cerning her husband. She lived in a re- 
 tired manner, but appeared to possess a 
 handsome income, and her son, it was 
 understood, was intended for a pro- 
 fession. 
 
 Mankind is naturally curious ; and 
 when we are unable to obtain a satisfac- 
 tory explanation of circumstances which 
 excite inquiry, we are apt to form con- 
 clusions of our own to supply the defi- 
 ciency. Mrs. Maitland's history, there- 
 fore, being so carefully concealed from 
 her inquisitive neighbours, they chose to 
 imagine that she had been the chere amie 
 of some man of fortune, who, on marry- 
 ing, had settled an annuity on her and 
 his child. As her manners were pleasing, 
 and her deportment perfectly correct, 
 many regarded her with increased inte- 
 rest, and considered her as an amiable 
 c ?
 
 •;?§ VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 woman of a respectable family and good 
 education, who had been imposed on by 
 a fraudulent marriage. 
 
 These accounts, at first whispered by 
 one or two, as probable ways of account- 
 ing for Mrs. Maitland's silence with re- 
 gard to her family and past life, were af- 
 terwards received as well known facts. 
 
 The stigma on Henry's birth, however, 
 was far from lessening the number of his 
 friends : his beautiful person attracted 
 every one's admiration, while his amiable 
 disposition and engaging manners gained 
 him an interest in every generous heart. 
 George Worthington loved him with all 
 the ardour of youthful friendship, while 
 a noble emulation filled his breast with 
 a desire to imitate one whose conduct 
 was so praiseworthy. Henry, on his 
 part, was not backward in testifying his 
 regard for his young companion, who.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 29 
 
 while he diligently pursued the usual 
 routine of studies at school, derived an 
 increased stock of knowledge from the 
 private instructions of his friend. 
 
 Mrs. Worthing ton could not but ac- 
 knowledge these advantages, and she 
 endeavoured to promote the growing at- 
 tachment between them. 
 
 The dispositions of the tw^o boys were 
 nevertheless different : in George there 
 glowed some of that love of worldly 
 distinction, of which, in spite of Mrs. 
 Worthington's dereliction from her fa- 
 mily prejudices, she w^as not entirely di- 
 vested. She loved to talk of the conse- 
 quence of her family, and her children 
 naturally imbibed some idea of pride of 
 birth. This was certainly a great w^eak- 
 ness in Mrs. Worthins^ton's character: 
 she did not consider that young minds are 
 apt to form very erroneous notions on
 
 30 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 the distinctions of rank and affluence , 
 and, instead of cherishing that content- 
 ment, which alone can constitute a 
 happy hfe, the seeds of ambition were 
 thus early introduced ; and George could 
 not suppress an occasional regret that he 
 too was not chosen by his grandfather to 
 partake of the family honours. He was 
 intended for the army, and already pant- 
 ed to acquit himself in the field in such 
 a manner as would ensure him a protec- 
 tor in his grandfather : but these senti« 
 ments always yielded to the ties of affec- 
 tion and the voice of friendship. 
 
 Henry Maitland had mixed very little 
 in society : with his earliest rudiments of 
 education he had imbibed a belief in 
 superstitious traditions ; and surrounded 
 by those, with whom such stories are 
 popular, they had acquired an interest in 
 his heart, which his riper years vainly en- 
 deavoured to eradicate ; for though he
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 31 
 
 frequently flattered himself that he had 
 completely subdued such puerile fancies, 
 yet now and then, some accidental cir- 
 cumstance would occur to call forth his 
 early prejudices, and convince him that 
 such impressions once made, however 
 they may be condemned and ridiculed 
 in cool judgment, are seldom entirely 
 effaced. 
 
 From the style of books too, which 
 Henry was fond of reading, his mind 
 had received a romantic turn ; and, as it 
 generally happens with persons of this 
 description, he felt anxious to rise above 
 the calm pursuits of common life ; he 
 longed to imitate those heroes of romance, 
 whose characters he delighted to con- 
 template, and whose virtues he deter- 
 mined to copy. 
 
 His mother had been equally silent to 
 him as she had been to her inquisitive
 
 32 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 lieighbouis, and always excused herself 
 when he attempted to lead the conversa- 
 tion to her former connexions, by ex- 
 pressijig the great distress which a revi- 
 val of past melancholy events would oc- 
 casion her ; at the same time giving 
 him hopes that at some future pe- 
 riod he should be made acquainted with 
 every circumstance relating to him and 
 his family. 
 
 A sort of mystery was perceivable to 
 Henry, in the disclosure being thus pro- 
 tracted: this, he cherished, and now de- 
 sisted from questioning his mother on the 
 subject, lest she might make such a dis- 
 closure as would destroy his romantic 
 hopes. 
 
 In the choice of a profession none 
 seemed so congenial to his character as 
 that of a soldier ; and as George Worth- 
 ington had already 'declared his predilec-
 
 VARIETTES OF LIFE, 33 
 
 tion for the army, the two friends looked 
 forwards to sharing a career of glory toge- 
 ther. 
 
 Mrs. Maitland had judged it proper to 
 give her son a more general knowledge 
 of the manners of the world, before he 
 commenced his military profession, and 
 he was accordingly sent to a public 
 school at a considerable distance from 
 home, where George promised himself 
 the pleasure of joining his friend as soon 
 as his father returned home. In the 
 meantime, under the excellent tuition of 
 Mr. Shirley, and pursuing those habits 
 of industry which Henry's example had 
 recommended, George became a good 
 classical scholar. 
 
 Captain Worthington's professional 
 duty had been protracted, and on his 
 wife's receiving letters from him, contain- 
 ing this unwelcome informatk)n, she n.©^ 
 c 5
 
 34 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 longer opposed her son's wish of going 
 
 to , where the advantages of such 
 
 a friend as Henry Maitland were so ma- 
 nifest.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 35 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 Henry had completed his nineteenth 
 year, when he received intelhgence that 
 Mrs. Maitland lay dangerously ill : he 
 lost not a moment in hastening to Aber- 
 fowey, but when at about twenty miles 
 distance from home, and at the end of a 
 long stage, he had the mortification to 
 learn that no horses were to be had ; he 
 endeavoured to restrain his impatience 
 till the jaded animals, which had brought 
 him the last stage, had rested sufficiently 
 to proceed, when a traveller, who had 
 for some time earnestly regarded him.
 
 36 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 having learnt his distress, benevolently 
 offered his horse. Henry thankfully ac- 
 cepted his proposal, and was anxious to 
 set off that moment ; but he found the 
 stranger expected his curiosity to be gra- 
 tified in return for the favor he had done 
 him : he inquired Henry's name and place 
 of residence ; whether his father were liv- 
 ing, whether he resembled him; and having 
 obtained all the satisfaction Henry could 
 give, he added that he had known a 
 gentleman to whom Henry bore a very 
 strong resemblance, but he was of a 
 different name. 
 
 Henry *s curiosity was ik)w roused, and 
 lie in his turn began to make inquiries ; 
 but here he was disappointed: the 
 stranger was cautious in his rephes, and 
 Henry collected nothing of any conse- 
 quence from him. His appearance be- 
 spoke him to be in respectable circum- 
 stances, though of an inferior rank of
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 37 
 
 life; he appeared to be about sixt}^ years 
 of age, and of a grave and thoughtful 
 aspect. 
 
 Had Henry met the stranger at any 
 other time, he would have used every 
 effort in his power to unravel the mys- 
 tery, which seemed to be connected with 
 the inquiries which had been made of 
 him : his early fondness for romantic ad- 
 ventures made him rei^ard the traveller 
 
 o 
 
 with more than common interest, and he 
 felt dejected at the idea of leaving him 
 without having been able to learn some- 
 thing more of him, or any clue by which 
 he might hear of him aoain ; it had been 
 agreed that the horse was to be returned 
 to the inn, where it was to remain till 
 the stranger sent for it: this was the only 
 circumstance which afforded Henry a 
 hope of gaining some further information 
 respecting him.
 
 38 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 The horse being, ready, Henry again 
 thanked his friend for his kindness, and 
 hastened on his journey : it was now 
 late in the evening, and as Henry was 
 anxious to reach home as soon as possi- 
 ble, a nearer way had been described to 
 him; this proved to be somewhat intri- 
 cate, and owing to the darkness of the 
 evening he mistook the directions. His 
 mind now became more agitated, antici- 
 pating the fatal termination of his mo- 
 ther's ilhiess, and fearful of arriving too 
 late ; then adverting to the singular ap- 
 pearance and inquiries of the stranger, 
 his ideas became bewildered ; and unde- 
 cided which way to direct his course, his 
 horse carried him many miles out of the 
 direct road, and brought him into a wild 
 and desolate part of the country. 
 
 The day had been extremely sultry, 
 and the aspect of the gouth foretold the
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 39 
 
 approaching storm : slight flashes of 
 lightning had passed unheeded, but as 
 the evening darkened, the lightning ap- 
 peared more vivid ; the thunder rolled in 
 tremendous peals, and large drops of 
 rain were now followed by a heavy tor- 
 rent. Henry's horse took fright, and 
 carried him through an irregular wood 
 before he could overcome the violence of 
 the animal's speed. The trees were but 
 thinly scattered, and Henry, weary and 
 dejected, endeavoured to seek some 
 more sheltered situation, when he disco- 
 vered some ruins at no great distance. 
 Upon a nearer approach, they appeared 
 to be the remains of an abbey, and he 
 soon found an archway which afforded 
 him shelter from the rain : the flashes of 
 lightning followed each other so rapidly, 
 that he was enabled to form a better 
 idea of the building, and fastening his 
 horse to a tree which grew among the
 
 40 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 ruins, he sought a place of greater secu- 
 rity ; when suddenly, a deep groan ar- 
 rested his attention, and at the same in- 
 stant his eyes glanced upon a tall figure 
 enveloped in a dark cloak. The lonely 
 hour, the disturbed state of the elements, 
 and the cloistered scene around him, 
 aided by his own fev^erish imagination, 
 inspired Henry with superstitious awe 
 towards the being before him, and for a 
 time combated the impulse of humanity 
 which prompted him to offer a succour- 
 ing hand to a fellow-creature in distress. 
 The groans increased, but proceeded 
 fi^m a greater distance Henry listen- 
 ed with breathless attention to discover 
 the direct spot. 
 
 The lightning was now more faint, 
 the thunder died away in distant mur- 
 murs, and the rain ceased — a few stars^ 
 appeared, and the mx)on occasionally ^J^-
 
 VARItTItS OF LIFE. 41 
 
 breaking through the clouds, penetrated 
 the gloomy recesses of the ruin, and 
 enabled the agitated Henry to explore 
 its various avenues, which were so en- 
 tangled by wild shrubs and choked up 
 with broken masses of the building, that 
 it was with difficulty he forced his way 
 towards the sounds which had excited 
 in him such mixed sensations of horror 
 and pity. 
 
 His way became more intricate as he 
 pursued the remote windings of the 
 ruin ; — the sounds were now heard no 
 more : a solemn stillness prevailed, in- 
 terrupted only by the wind lightly mur- 
 muring through the avenues, and the 
 drippings of the rain from the ivied tur- 
 rets ; but Henry felt impelled to dis- 
 cover the cause of those strange sounds 
 he had heard : looking around him, he 
 observed a low door-way, which com-
 
 42 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 municated with a flight of steps; having 
 with some difficulty descended, he pro- 
 ceeded through a winding passage to a 
 small low room, which he had scarcely 
 entered, when, by the glimmering light 
 which penetrated through the broken 
 ceiling, he perceived on the ground, 
 stretched before him, the mysterious form 
 which had so fearfully excited his curio- 
 sity. His blood ran cold — all his early 
 superstition assailed him, and for awhile 
 deterred him from approaching the awful 
 object before him ;— at length, yielding 
 to an irresistible impulse of curiosity, he 
 advanced ; — the dark mantle concealed 
 every part — his whole frame became vio- 
 lently agitated as he tremblingly raised 
 it, to view the supernatural being be- 
 neath — a convulsive terror overcame him 
 at the sight of the object that now pre- 
 sented itself— and he fell senseless on 
 the ground.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 43 
 
 As soon as he recovered, he hurried 
 out of the mysterious cell, and retrac- 
 ing his steps, he soon gained the outer 
 court. 4 
 
 The grey tints of morning now began 
 to disclose the eastern horizon, and Henry 
 soon perceived his horse, which had 
 found some herbage growing among the 
 loose stones. Henry mounted, and 
 darting, a fearful look behind him, rode 
 swiftly from the ruin. 
 
 After having pursued his way through 
 the wood for some time without meeting 
 with any vestige of a human creature, 
 he at length discovered something like a 
 path ; this he followed, and presently 
 the curling smoke from a wood-cutter's 
 cottage, conducted him to an inhabited 
 spot. Having learnt that he was at a 
 considerable distance from the road he
 
 44 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 was in quest of, he had no difficulty in 
 procuring the wood-cutter's son as a 
 guide, and hoping to learn some parti- 
 culars respecting the ruin, he began 
 questioning the boy on the subject ; the 
 ignorance of his companion, however, 
 baffled his curiosity, and all he could 
 collect for a certainty, was, that nobody 
 ever went near the place, as it was re- 
 ported to be haunted. 
 
 As soon as they came in sight of the 
 road, Henry hastened on, and reached 
 home about mid-day. He was dread- 
 fully shocked to hear that his mother 
 had been given over, and that she now 
 lay at the point of death. He trem- 
 blingly opened the doer of her apart- 
 ment, and felt quite overcome at the 
 melancholy sight before him. When he 
 had last taken leave of his mother she 
 was in good health, and retained a con-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 45 
 
 siderable portion of that beauty for 
 which she had been once so much ad- 
 mired : what a contrast did her present 
 condition exhibit ! her wasted form and 
 pallid countenance; — her eyes half 
 closed, and sunk in her head ; all be- 
 spoke the solemn change that now await- 
 ed her. 
 
 As soon as she understood who was 
 in the room, she made signs for him to 
 draw nearer : — she grasped his hand, and 
 in feeble but expressive accents, ex- 
 claimed, " Oh Henry ! vou have much 
 to forgive — I have greatly injured you : 
 
 — but all I have is your's." She now 
 
 seemed struggling for breath to disclose 
 the secret w hich weighed so heavily on 
 her last moments — then fixing her glazy 
 eyes upon him, she with difficulty ut- 
 tered, *' I am not j'our mother !" She 
 made another effort to speak, but could
 
 46 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 only articulate '^ Mortimer y* and ex- 
 pired. 
 
 It is impossible to describe the effect 
 of this event on the mind of Henry. 
 The adventure in the ruin appeared to 
 him like a vision intended to prepare 
 him for the shock he had just experi- 
 enced ; and from the stranger's inquiries 
 at the inn, he felt an unconquerable con- 
 viction that there was a mystery hang- 
 ing over him. 
 
 The melancholy duties which he had 
 now to perform, in some degree drew his 
 mind from these romantic reveries ; but 
 he determined to make diligent inquiry 
 after the person who had appeared so in^ 
 terested about him. 
 
 Henry felt various conflicting emo- 
 tions at the death of one who had al- 
 ^vavs conducted herself towards him as
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 47 
 
 a fond mother, but whose last words 
 avowed her an impostor : he endeavour- 
 ed to palliate the offence, and to account 
 for the motives ; but the mystery seemed 
 fathomless, and his mind harrassed by 
 fruitless enquiries, at last yielded to his 
 melancholy impressions. 
 
 On George's arrival at Aberfowey, he 
 found his friend much altered both in 
 appearance and manners : abstraction 
 and gloominess had taken place of his 
 cheerful countenance and conversation, 
 and George had considerable difficulty 
 in rousing him from his despondency. 
 He insisted on Henry's quitting Mrs. 
 Maitland's late residence, where every 
 thing tended to add to his painful re- 
 flections. 
 
 George introduced his friend under his 
 mother's roof, and the time Henry spent 
 there, was made so pleasant, that he
 
 ^ VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 was soon restored to his natural cheer- 
 fulness, and he once more appeared as 
 the agreeable companion and elegant 
 scholar. This was a dangerous abode 
 for him : the attractive graces of Ellen 
 Worthington made an irresistible im- 
 pression on his heart. In the retirement 
 in which she had been educated, Ellen 
 had acquired ideas sufficiently romantic, 
 to make her take a lively interest in all 
 she heard of young Maitiand ; and a re- 
 ciprocity of sentiments soon endeared 
 them to each other. 
 
 George had now to return to 
 
 college, and Henry began to reflect se- 
 riously on his future prospects. Mrs. 
 Maitiand had accumulated considerable 
 savings of her income, which she be- 
 queathed to Henry, and it became ne- 
 cessary that he should go to London, to 
 have an interview with her a^ent, from
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 49 
 
 whom it was not unlikely iie might ob- 
 tain some information respecting him* 
 self. 
 
 It would be difficult to describe the 
 various sensations Henry felt on quitting 
 Aberfowey ; but it must not be forgotten 
 that in taking leave of Ellen Worthing- 
 ton, he seemed to bid adieu to every 
 thing worth possessing. His ^high sense 
 of honour would not permit him, circum- 
 stanced as he was, to make his passion 
 known to her: that she was dear to him, 
 he felt she must be convinced ; and he 
 determined to use every means in his 
 power to trace his origin, and if the re- 
 sult proved satisfactory, to declare his 
 affection o 
 
 Soon after Henry's arrival in town, he 
 wrote his friend, stating that his enqui- 
 ries had been of little avail, but that 
 he had gained some very distant traces, 
 
 VOL. I. D
 
 60 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 and intimating, that as it was probable 
 he should have occasion to visit the 
 continent, it might be a long time before 
 George heard from him again.
 
 VAEIEXIES OF LIFE. 51 
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 
 The time drew near, when Captain 
 Worthington was anxiously expected 
 home, after having been several years on 
 a foreign station, enduring many hard- 
 ships, with little prospect of enriching 
 himself. Mrs. Worthington had receiv- 
 ed letters from him, stating the very day 
 the fleet was to sail and the probable 
 time of their meeting. Alas ! they were 
 to meet no more ! — a fever broke out in 
 his ship, and Captain Worthington fell a 
 victim to the contagion. 
 
 What a blow was this for his afl'ec- 
 d2 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS
 
 <52 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 tionate wife. George was at 
 
 college when the fatal news reached 
 him : he loved his father with ardour 
 and deplored his loss with t^e sincerest 
 sorrow. He hastened home to com- 
 fort his afflicted mother, whom he found 
 dissolved in tears, while his eldest sister 
 was bending over her, and die little 
 Sophy sitting by her kissing her hand. 
 
 What an affecting scene ! could her 
 father have been a witness to her dis- 
 tress, his stern heart must have yielded 
 to the emotions of nature ; — but he 
 had already decided what part to act. 
 The object of his unjust hatred was 
 no more, and he could now extend his 
 arms towards his daughter, without en- 
 during the mortification of witnessing 
 her attachment to the illegitimate off- 
 spring of an infamous mother. 
 
 In narrow minds, the innocent child
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 6S 
 
 is regarded with almost an equal abhor- 
 rence as its guilty parent, and though 
 Mr. Bolingbroke was a man of extensive 
 learning and honorable sentiments, his 
 deep-rooted pride of birth made him 
 regard the presumption of Captain Wor- 
 tfhington in aspiring to Miss Bolingbroke 
 as an injjury he could never forgive, 
 
 TTis true, Worthington's mother had 
 been early abandoned to vice. She had 
 artfully seduced Captain Worthington's 
 father when very young, and leaving to 
 his care their unfortunate offspring, she 
 forsook them both, carrying off with her 
 every thing she could turn to her advan- 
 tage, and was supposed to have gone 
 abroad ; no tidings having since been 
 heard of her. 
 
 Her early profligate life had been so 
 notorious, that her son was brought up 
 in ignorance respecting his parents. His
 
 54 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 father left him under the care of a rela- 
 tion, with directions for entering him at 
 a proper age on board a man of war ; his 
 orders were obeyed, and the young mid- 
 shipman soon distinguished himself for 
 British intrepidity. 
 
 Though his birth had been thus kept 
 secret, certain whispers had gone abroad 
 casting disgraceful reflections on his 
 name. His messmates could talk of 
 their parents and numerous relatives; 
 while Augustus felt himself an isolated 
 being : of his mother, he knew nothing; 
 he retained but a faint recollection of the 
 parting interview with his father, and 
 entertained but little hope of ever seeing 
 him again, as it was at this time doubtful 
 whether he were in existence. 
 
 However painful his private reflections 
 were, Augustus disregarded the ungene- 
 rous taunts of his companions, and leav-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 6^5 
 
 ing them to enjoy reputations derived 
 from their ancestors, he was determined 
 to gain a reputation for himself. Oppor- 
 tunity favored his laudable endeavours ; 
 but his successes kindled envy and en- 
 mity among his comrades ; and one of 
 them having gained a pretty accurate 
 account of his origin, made no scruple 
 of spreading the report; and when Au- 
 gustus had the good fortune to meet the 
 beautiful Adelaide Bolingbroke,his rivals 
 were busy whispering in her ear the tale 
 of his disgraceful birth. Adelaide re- 
 garded it not, but her father thundered 
 his vengeance : his threats however were 
 in vain; and Worthington carried off his 
 prize. 
 
 Adelaide had never seen her father 
 since that eventful day ; and he had 
 vowed never to see her while the object 
 of his resentment lived.
 
 56 VAjflIETTE& O^F LIFE. 
 
 As SO0» as Mr. Bolingbroke heard ot 
 fte untimely death ©f the unfortunate 
 Augustus, he invited his daughter and 
 her family t© his house. She set out for 
 the mansion of her ancestors with a heavy 
 heart. What indescribable sensa!tions 
 filled her mind, as- her eyes encountered 
 objects so familiar^ so dear to her recol- 
 lection ! When she entered an apartment 
 that had been her mother's, overcome by 
 her emotions she sat down and gave way 
 to her tears : here she had experienced 
 all the tenderness^ of an ever-regretted 
 mother, rendered doubly soothing from 
 the austerity of her father: here, a va- 
 riety of memorials revived the scenes of 
 her infant happiness, and the reflections 
 to which they gave rise, occasioned her 
 u melancholy retrospection of events 
 which had since occurred ; but these 
 impressions were of short duration; 
 Mrs. Worthington's attention was called^ 
 feo a- variety of arrangements necessary
 
 VARFETrES OP LIFE. 57 
 
 for the accommodotion of herself and 
 family, at Bolingbroke Court, and by de- 
 grees she felt capable of enjoying the 
 consequence of her new situation.. 
 
 On quitting Aberfowey, George took 
 leave of Mr. Shirley with many earnest 
 professions of regard; assuring him that 
 it should not be long before he paid a 
 visit to his respected friend. There was 
 another person however, whom George ' 
 secretly had in view, when he thought of 
 revisiting Aberfowey. 
 
 Maria Shirley was about two years 
 older than George Worthington: the 
 sweetness of her disposition, with no in« 
 considerable share of beauty, had early 
 awakened in George's breast the ten- 
 derest emotions, which as he grew older, 
 had ripened inta a sincereattachment^ 
 
 It was impossible for Maria to be ig-~ 
 
 D 5
 
 5S VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 norant of the impression she had made; 
 but her good sense naturally led her to 
 reflect seriously on the consequences of 
 encouraging an attachment so little likely 
 to meet the approbation of his friends. 
 
 Their parting interview was short and 
 somewhat embarrassing: George took 
 her hand, and imprinting on it a kiss, as 
 he tremblingly rehnquished it, assured 
 her, that whatever might be his future 
 prospects, he should ever cherish with 
 fond remembrance the happy days he had 
 spent at Aberfowey. Maria could not 
 restrain her tears : George begged her to 
 be more composed, and as he bade her 
 farewell, he added in the tenderest ac- 
 cents, '' I shall never forget you.'* 
 
 Mr. Bolingbroke's property, independ. 
 ently of the family estate, was amply 
 sufficient to enrich all his grandchildren;
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 69 
 
 and he now derived considerable gratifi- 
 cation in contemplating the rank they 
 would hold in society. Arthur was of 
 course his heir, and had already assumed 
 his name. It was his desire that George 
 should complete his education at Oxford ; 
 and he looked forward, at no very distant 
 period, to his filling a seat in parliament. 
 Ellen was attended by the first masters; 
 he signified his intention that she should 
 be presented at court : and hoping to 
 wipe away the stain his family had re- 
 ceived from the degrading marriage of his 
 own daughter, he began considering of 
 proper alliances for his grand-daughters, 
 while the little Sophy still retained a 
 violent attachment for her wax-doll. 
 
 Mrs* Worthington had not been .long 
 settled at Bolingbroke Court, before her 
 eldest son arrived. George was ready to 
 rush into his brother's arms, while the 
 courtly Arthur, extending his hand.
 
 SGK VARJETIirS OP LIFEo 
 
 swore he was rejoiced to see him, and^ 
 was glad the old gentlemam was going to^ 
 do the thiftg handsomely , 
 
 With no restraint on his temper or 
 conduct, no one will be surprized to 
 hear that a boy, naturally of an im- 
 patient, though generous disposition, 
 grew up extravagant, dissipated, and 
 self-willed. Arthur Bolingbroke added- 
 one more to the list of promising boys, 
 whose maturer years have occasioned 
 disappointment and regret to their too 
 sanguine friends. 
 
 Towards the approach of winter, Mr, 
 Bolingbroke consulted Mrs. Worthing- 
 ton about her establishment in town ; a 
 handsome house was taken in Manches- 
 ter-Square, and furnished in the most ex- 
 pensive style. About a month after 
 Christmas, the family arrived in town, 
 and Mrsi Worthington soon found herself
 
 VARfETIES OF LIFEo 6l 
 
 encircled by a numerous acquaintanjce; 
 she was not of a character to distinguish 
 between real and disinterested friendship, 
 and did not perceive, that many of her 
 new friends^ while they openly professed 
 a regard for herself, had only in view a 
 participation of her elegant entertain-- 
 ments.
 
 62 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 
 Two years elapsed since Mrs. Wor- 
 thington left Aberfowey, and during that 
 period, George had not been able to 
 perform his promise of paying Mr. Shirley 
 a visit : various pursuits occupied his 
 time, and he had not heard any thing of 
 Mr. Shirley's family for some months. 
 A tender recollection of Maria still played 
 round his heart, but his love was not 
 sufficiently ardent to detach him from 
 the gaieties of the life he now led. Had 
 he known all that Maria had suffered, he 
 would not perhaps have hesitated a mo-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 65 
 
 ment in flying to offer every consolation 
 in his power. He knew when he left 
 Aberfowey that Mr. Shirley's health was 
 declining, and he had since heard that 
 there was little prospect of any speedy 
 amendment ; but he was ignorant that 
 Maria had so closely attended her father's 
 bed-side, that her health materially suf- 
 fered from the confinement. 
 
 Mr. Shirley being much alarmed on 
 his daughter's account, insisted on her 
 having medical advice: change of air was 
 recommended, and Maria having had fre- 
 quent invitations from a relation of her 
 mother's to pay a visit to her daughters, 
 who were about Maria's age, Mrs. Shirley 
 was induced to write to Mrs. Meredith 
 on the subject, and a pressing invitation 
 to Swansea was sent to Maria from her 
 cousins. 
 
 Mr. Meredith was a respectable mer-
 
 64 VARIETIES^ OF EfFE. 
 
 ©hant; and had gradually risen from an 
 humble situation in life, to his present 
 comparatively affluent circumstances ; 
 he was generally so immersed in business, 
 as to have but little time to attend to fa-- 
 mily affairs, which were therefore left to 
 the management of his wife, who 
 piquing herself upon her genteel con- 
 nexions, was studious of giving an air of' 
 elegance and fashion to their establish- 
 ment. She valued herself, too, upon 
 her knowledge of the world ; and brought 
 up her daughters to despise every thing 
 that belonged to an humble sphere of 
 life. Her object was to procure them hus- 
 bands of a higher rank than themselves; 
 and no pains were spared to give them^^ 
 every appearance of persons -of fashion 
 and consequence. 
 
 They were in many respects very dif- 
 ferent girls- from Maria Shirley, and
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 65 
 
 wourd not have been selected as com- 
 panions for her, had not circumstances 
 thus introduced them to each other ; and 
 above all, the conviction Mr. Shirley felt 
 that the virtuous principles which he had 
 implanted in his daughter's mind, were 
 proof against any temptations to which 
 she might be exposed. Maria had not 
 suffered shewy accomplishments to en- 
 gross her care and study, to the exclu- 
 sion of the more solid branches of edu- 
 cation ; While the Miss Merediths, though 
 anxious to be considered as very ac- 
 complished girls, had paid little atten- 
 tion to the cultivation of the mind: in- 
 dependeiitly however of personal vanity 
 and a love of dissipation, they were ex- 
 tremely good tempered, well-meaning 
 girls, and gave Maria a sincere and hearty 
 welcome. 
 
 Iklaria's health daily improved, and she
 
 66 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 could not but be amused with a style of 
 life so perfectly novel to her. Instead of 
 that calm, uniform round of occupations, 
 to which she had been accustomed at 
 Aberfowey, she had now to hear of daily 
 arrivals of persons of distinction ; plans 
 for parties ; imaginary matches and dis- 
 sertations on fashion: to the Miss Mere- 
 diths, these were matters of the most 
 serious importance; to Maria, they af- 
 forded little interest, and were topics she 
 felt very ill qualified to disouss. Sh^ 
 could not help thinking what an unfit 
 companion she was for her gay cousins, 
 and how they must wish to have her 
 place filled by a young friend of theirs,, 
 whom they constantly took occasion to 
 quote, whenever any subject of taste or 
 fashion. was started. This friend, Maria 
 soon learnt was expected with her aunt 
 to pay a short visit at Swansea ; and her 
 curiosity was not a little on tip-toe to see
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 67 
 
 the person who appeared to be the 
 guiding star to the Miss Merediths. 
 
 Harriet Villars was an orphan, and 
 heiress to considerable property : as an 
 only child, she had been thoroughly 
 spoilt in her infancy, by fond but inju- 
 dicious parents; and when her mother 
 died, she was brought up by Mrs. Daly, 
 her father's sister, who thought it her 
 duty to follow the example of Mr. and 
 Mrs. Villars, and consequently allowed 
 her niece every indulgence. 
 
 Accustomed to a will of her own ; 
 conscious of very considerable personal 
 attractions, both as to beauty and fortune, 
 Harriet grew up, conceited, vain and 
 selfish : she had a decided passion for 
 high life, and piqued herself upon the 
 novelty of her ideas. She had become 
 acquainted with the Miss Merediths at 
 school, and the notions of these young
 
 6^ VARrETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 ladies, with regard to taste and fashion 
 so perfectly accorded, that they became 
 inseparable friends. 
 
 Since they had left school, they had' 
 seldom met, bu?^ in the intervals, their 
 friendship had been kept up by corres- 
 pondence, in which, a thirst after a know- 
 ledge of the reigning taste, on the part 
 of tlie Miss Merediths, was obligingly 
 gratified by Miss Villars ; so that they 
 were always able to speak on fashionable 
 topics to the wonder of their more re- 
 tired friends. 
 
 Mrs. Daly and Miss Villars had been^^ 
 spending a month at Tenby, and had pro- 
 mised the Miss Merediths to pay them a 
 visit in their way to Bath. 
 
 Miss Villars, having mentioned the 
 time she should arrive at Swansea, the 
 Miss Merediths had written to insist on
 
 VAUIETIES OF LIFE. 69, 
 
 her coming at once to their house to din- 
 ner, and having received no reply, they 
 considered the invitation as accepted* 
 
 ^Ir. Meredith thought it a very incon- 
 venient plan ; and as the dinner hour ap- 
 proached, he began to repent of not 
 having been more firm in opposing it, 
 when first proposed. Four o'clock struck, 
 and Mr. Meredith grew very impatient^, 
 continually going out to the door to see 
 whether the expected guests were in 
 Sight. 
 
 At five o'clock, Mr. Meredith's com- 
 mands to have the dinner brought up, 
 were no longer opposed, and the family 
 party sat down to a handsome dinner, 
 without much inclination to partake of 
 it : Mr. Meredith regretting the unneces- 
 sary expence that had been incurred, and 
 the others, unwilling to relinquish the 
 idea that their friends would still oome,
 
 70 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 endeavoured as much as possible to pro- 
 tract the repast. At length they were 
 obliged to give up all hope, and to con- 
 sole themselves, seemed determined to 
 do ample justice to the good things be- 
 fore them, when, as the cloth was going 
 to be removed, an elegant travelling car- 
 riage, with four post-horses, stopt at 
 the door. 
 
 It is impossible to describe the con- 
 sternation this produced : the dinner was 
 *' tumultuously remanded" from the 
 kitchen; the table was cleared, and 
 every one in motion to assist in restoring 
 order., 
 
 Mrs. Meredith and her daughters re- 
 ceived their visitors in the drawing-room, 
 where an interchange of enqiries took 
 place, while preparations were made for 
 their reception in the dining-room. Mrs. 
 Daly made a thousand apologies for be-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 71 
 
 iiio' SO much after the time, and insisted 
 that she and her niece had taken refresh- 
 ment on the road; but nothing would do, 
 and they were forced into the parlour, 
 where the ghost of the intended dinner 
 appeared in all the horror of remnants 
 neither hot nor cold, of fish, flesh and 
 fowl. Mrs. Daly renewed her protesta- 
 tions of having made quite a dinner on 
 the road, which, by a glance to her niece 
 were supported on her part ; however to 
 oblige her friends she consented to take a 
 little ham. 
 
 Mr. Meredith expatiated on the fine- 
 Hess of the fish ; while his lady was sure 
 Mrs. Daly could not make a dinner, and 
 desired the servants to see whether there 
 was not some of the pigeon pie left. " I 
 don't think there is,'" said Mr. Meredith, 
 ** at least nothing worth speaking of; for 
 if you recollect, my dear, you said it need 
 6
 
 72 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 not be put by; but there was a good 
 deal of the hash, or ragout as you called 
 it." 
 
 Mrs. Meredith silenced him with her 
 looks ; and his daughters endeavoured 
 to turn the discourse, by adverting to the 
 gaieties of Tenby. Maria was much 
 amused with this novel scene, and as she 
 could take no part in a conversation 
 about persons and places, to which she 
 was a perfect stranger, she had leisure to 
 study the appearance and manners of 
 these fashionable visitors. 
 
 Mrs. Daly appeared a fine shewy wo- 
 man about five and forty ; she wore a 
 deep black lace veil, which was turned 
 up in front, but hanging down at the 
 sides, shaded her rouged cheeks. She 
 talked with much vivacity ; used a great 
 deal of action in her conversation, and 
 altogether gave Maria the idea of a
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 73 
 
 French-woman. But however novel Mrs. 
 Daly's manners were to Maria, she was 
 infinitely more amazed at the style of 
 Miss Villars: it appeared extraordinary 
 to Maria, that she should so early in life, 
 have acquired a singularity of deport- 
 ment, and a manner of expressing herself 
 so unlike any thing she had hitherto seen: 
 indeed the Miss Merediths themselves 
 seemed to be surprised. Some of her 
 sallies of pleasantry (for they seldom 
 amounted to wit,) were sometimes al- 
 most incomprehensible, though Mrs. 
 Daly never failed to laugh violently, ex- 
 claiming at the same time " you odd 
 creature!" and Maria now knew, to what 
 source to attribute some expressions 
 which had before struck her as singular 
 in her cousins. 
 
 The Miss Merediths having proposed 
 some plans for spending the time plea- 
 santly, while their friends were with 
 
 VOL. r. F
 
 74 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 them, Mrs. Daly began earnestly lament- 
 ing that their time was so limited, it 
 would be absolutely impossible for them 
 to tresspass on the kind hospitality of 
 their dear friends longer than the next 
 day. 
 
 It was evident to Maria, that Mrs. 
 Daly and her niece had no wish to pro- 
 long their visit ; and as it appeared so 
 much their settled plan to proceed on 
 their journey, the Miss Merediths were 
 obliged to desist from entreating them to 
 stay. A party, however, was made the 
 following morning for Britton Ferry, 
 which proved a pleasanter excursion 
 than Mrs. Daly expected : they re- 
 turned to dinner about five o'clock, and 
 Mrs. Meredith had the satisfaction of 
 setting before her guests a dinner in a 
 more comfortable style than that on the 
 preceding day. 
 
 In the afternoon, the four young ladies
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 7S 
 
 were sitting near the drawing-room win- 
 dow, when three gentlemen attracted the 
 notice of the Miss Merediths, who ob- 
 served they must be some new arrivals. 
 
 Miss Villars applied her glass, but did 
 not venture to pronounce her sentiments 
 on their merits at such a distance : as 
 they approached nearer, she was more 
 decisive in her opinion ; " nothing in 
 them, I fear — I don't see an amiable 
 trait about them ; observe, they abso- 
 lutely passed that smart girl without a 
 remark ; I really don't think they even 
 stared at her, when you know, Eliza, 
 unless a man stares a pret^y girl out of 
 countenance he cannot be an agreeable 
 creature — one that you would like to 
 flirt with ; the thing's impossible :" and 
 as the gentlemen were now very near, she 
 continued, " I hear nothing like a fa- 
 shionable expression escape them ; not 
 even the embellishment of a styhsh oath 
 E 2
 
 76 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 or two — no, positively, I cannot discover 
 an amiable trait about them." 
 
 Nothing amiable ! thought Maria, 
 what a perversion of language ! but as 
 the gentlemen passed, she distinguished 
 that though they were neither so fashion- 
 able as to insult an unprotected female, 
 nor to garnish their conversation with 
 oaths, yet there was one among them, 
 whom neither absence, nor the improba- 
 bility of his entertaining for her any 
 regard beyond that which their juvenile 
 acquaintance had established, could dis- 
 engage from her heart. She was per- 
 plexed at his sudden appearance, and as 
 she mused upon the circumstance, she 
 was rallied by her companions on having 
 lost her heart to one of the strangers, and 
 opinions were smarted respecting the 
 happy man. 
 
 Maria was little practised in parrying
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 77 
 
 an attack of this sort, and blushing deep- 
 ly at the consciousness that her thoughts 
 had really been occupied with the unex- 
 pected appearance of George Worthing- 
 ton, she was unable to account for her 
 confusion, and consoled herself that it 
 evidently passed for shyness, and the 
 result of a retired education. 
 
 A walk on the Burrows was proposed 
 after tea, and it being a fine evening, a 
 good deal of company were assembled. 
 The three gentlemen were soon observed 
 approaching, and Maria, full of anxiety, 
 waited the result of the meeting with a 
 palpitating heart. 
 
 George instantly recognized her, and 
 separating himself from his party, was at 
 her side in an instant. He informed her, 
 he had only arrived that morning, and 
 intended proceeding the next day to pay 
 Mr. Shirley a visit at Aberfowey, where,
 
 78 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 added he, lowering his voice, '' I expect- 
 ed to have had the pleasure of seeing 
 
 Maria thanked him for his kind re- 
 membrance of them, and gave him a 
 brief account of her father's illness ; and 
 slightly noticing her own, said she came 
 to Swansea for change of air. 
 
 This was sufficient to awaken George's 
 early attachment : he felt how neglectful 
 he had been, and various expressions 
 dropt from him, which the susceptible 
 heart of Maria cherished as assurances of 
 his returning affection. 
 
 The Miss Merediths having been 
 introduced to Mr. Worthington, in- 
 vited him to spend the evening at their 
 house, and Miss Villars, in spite of her 
 former verdict, pronounced him a verv 
 supportable companion.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 79 
 
 Instead of proceeding to Aberfowey, 
 as he had intended, George continued at 
 Swansea beyond a week : every day 
 afforded him opportunities of being in 
 Maria's company, and every hour in=. 
 creased her power over his heart : but in 
 his intercourse with society, he had 
 learnt some worldly wisdom. He was 
 at present wholly dependent on his 
 grand-father, and he was w^ell aware he 
 must relinquish every prospect of sharing 
 his fortune, if he married without his 
 consent : he would not therefore enter 
 into engagements which circumstances 
 might put it out of his power to fulfil : 
 he imposed a restraint on his feelings ; 
 offered no attentions to Maria beyond 
 what their old acquaintance warranted, 
 and left her without making any declara- 
 tion of the tender sentiments he enter- 
 tained.
 
 80 VARIETIES OF LIFF 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 
 George had so much overstayed his 
 time at Swansea, that he could only give 
 Mr. Shirley a hurried visit, and then 
 hastened to join his family at Mr. Bohng- 
 broke's in Staffordshire. 
 
 Miss Villars and her aunt had also 
 left Swansea, and as one of the Miss 
 Merediths was going in a short time to 
 Clifton, with Mr. and Mrs. Jones, friends 
 of her father, Maria was prevailed on to 
 prolong her visit. 
 
 This excursion to Clifton had been 
 the subject of much conversation be-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 81 
 
 tween the young ladies, while Miss Vil- 
 lars had been with them, as she had been 
 there several times, and could give an 
 account of the company and amusements 
 of the place. 
 
 Ah, thought Elizabeth, but you were 
 there with all the advantage of equipage, 
 and the eclat of a beautiful heiress ; I 
 have to appear in the capacity of a use- 
 ful companion to a worthy couple who 
 are going for a little change of scene, and 
 to see some old friends at Bristol. These 
 friends had formerly been concerned in 
 business with Mr. Jones ; and Elizabeth 
 anticipated no gay parties ; no driving in 
 barouches ; no dashing beaux to give 
 her consequence : but still a removal 
 from home was desirable, and her san- 
 guine wishes held out hopes that she 
 would find it pleasanter than she expect- 
 ed. She possessed a great share of per- 
 sonal beauty, of which she was thoroughly 
 E 5
 
 82 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 aware, and having received a new stock 
 of ideas of fashion from her friend Har- 
 riet, she considered it not quite impos- 
 sible that, instead of returning home as 
 humble Miss Meredith, she might set off 
 for Bath or Cheltenham in a dashing car- 
 riage, as the blooming bride of some man 
 of fashion, family, and fortune. 
 
 In the mean time, the Miss Merediths 
 began to disolose a secret to Maria which 
 had for some time been the subject of 
 their private conferences. 
 
 ^* You must know, my dear," said Eli- 
 zabeth, " we are longing to give a dance ; 
 and we've been thinking how to bring it 
 about/' 
 
 *> Mamma is very willing,'* observed her 
 sister, " but my father doesn't know any 
 thmg about it yet ; and we have been 
 thinking, that xiow you are come, he
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 8S 
 
 would have no objection ; just to make 
 your visit a little pleasant, you know/' 
 
 Maria began to feel herself placed in 
 an awkward predicament ; she considered 
 that Mr.. Meredith was the proper person 
 to decide whether this party ought to be 
 given ; yet her cousintis would of course 
 require her influence to second the 
 object they had ia view. 
 
 Mr. Meredith appearing in a cheerful 
 humour after supper, his daughters ex- 
 changed a wink, and immediately began 
 a concerted plan for introducing the sub- 
 ject. The piano forte was in the room, 
 and Elizabeth passing by it, as if by acci- 
 dent, ran over a few notes of a country- 
 dance : this produced a discussion upon 
 tunes, and Mrs. Meredith expressed her 
 regret that they had not been to one 
 dance, while Miss Shixley had been w^tb 
 them.
 
 84? VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 " Suppose/* said Elizabeth, " we were 
 to make up a little hop ; just a few friends 
 to drink tea, and take it by turns to play 
 on the piano forte." 
 
 " Well 'twould be very pleasant, I'm 
 sure," said her mother, " and Mr. Mere- 
 dith would hare no objection, I dare say, 
 to please the young people ; we were 
 once young ourselves, and liked these 
 sort of things as well as any body." 
 
 Mr. Meredith had a sort of prophetic 
 apprehension, grounded on experience, 
 that if he said A, he must learn to say B ; 
 he therefore paused a moment before he 
 replied., 
 
 *' Dear papa now," exclaimed Fanny. 
 *' what objection can you possibly have 
 to a httle sociable party, while my cousin 
 is here ; just to make her visit a little 
 pleasant."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 85 
 
 " IVe no objection to a little party/' 
 said Mr. Meredith, " only Tm fearful you 
 will go on from one thing to another, till 
 you invite all your acquaintance, for fear 
 of giving offence." 
 
 " Oh, no we sha*n't. We'll just ask 
 a few friends in an off-hand way." 
 
 A consultation now followed respecting 
 the day, which was at length agreed on , and 
 a few cards of invitation were immediate- 
 ly written to fix the plan. This was 
 the first innovation on the proposed off- 
 hand party. 
 
 The following day, the ladies met 
 together to talk over the matter, and a 
 list being produced of the company to be 
 invited, it was discovered that it would 
 be necessary to ask a great many more 
 than were at first thought of. When 
 the list was shewn to Mr. Meredith, he
 
 86 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 said, he knew how it would he ; they 
 would never be contented till they had 
 their rooms as full as they would hold. 
 
 " Dear me 1'' cried his wife, " you're 
 always so fidget ty about having too 
 many. Why 'tis what people like ; 'tis 
 nothing without a cram." 
 
 " Well, I think it's very ridiculous/^ 
 said Mr. Meredith, '' to crowd these 
 small rooms." 
 
 " Never mind ; do let us, for once, 
 have a little of our own way ; it's very 
 hard, if we are to give a dance, that one 
 can't do the thing a httle like other 
 people." 
 
 " What other people do," returned 
 Mr. Meredith, " is no rule for us. Are 
 we to do this thing, and t'other thing, 
 because other people are fools enough to 
 spend their money in such trifles."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 87 
 
 « Why, Mr. Meredith, how you talk ; 
 one would think you were going to be 
 ruined, by having a little party, and just 
 standing up to dance ; and now Miss 
 Shirley is here, w^e thought to make it 
 pleasant to her, just to have a little 
 dance — '* 
 
 " Well, have n*t I consented, I only ad- 
 vised you not to crowd your rooms." 
 
 A hint or two respecting a supper 
 came from Mrs. Meredith, and her hus- 
 band not appearing to object, his consent 
 was taken for granted ; and in the next 
 meeting of the ladies, a hall and supper 
 fully entered into their views : the idea 
 of the piano forte for the music had 
 vanished, and violins and a harp were 
 now considered indispensable. Miss 
 Meredith proposed decorating the arch 
 in the hall with evergreens, interspersed 
 with a few roses, which, she said, she 
 could make herself. Mrs. Meredith
 
 8S VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 agreed that it would look very pretty, 
 and Elizabeth whispered to her sister, 
 " how easy it would be just to have the 
 floor chalked/' 
 
 " And you could have a few gera- 
 niums and myrtles placed about,'^ added 
 Mrs. Meredith, " 'tis what one sees at 
 fashionable houses, and 'twould be plea- 
 sant for Mrs. Markham and the Stapyl- 
 tons to see that we understand these 
 sort of things." 
 
 '' I was thinking," said Elizabeth, 
 " we could get Spencer Vaughan to 
 bring some smart men ; perhaps he'd ask 
 Mr. Torrens : he's such an elegant young 
 man ." 
 
 '' 'Tis very awkward," observed Mrs. 
 Meredith, " that we must be asking all 
 Mr. Meredith's relations ; I'm sure I'm 
 always willing to treat them with all 
 due civility at proper times, but I do
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 89 
 
 say it*s very hard one can't give one 
 party without having them : it spoils 
 every thing. And they're sure never to 
 be engaged." 
 
 *' Couldn't we contrive to pay them 
 the compliment of an invitation, but in 
 such a manner as may induce them to 
 decline coming." 
 
 " I'm sure I don't know how that's 
 to be done," said Fanny, " I know 
 they'll look hideously delighted, and 
 
 say, " we won't disappoint you." 
 
 " Couldn't you go with a message," 
 said Mrs. Meredith, " and say some- 
 thing about our rooms being small, but 
 if it will be any amusement to them — " 
 " What's the use," cried Elizabeth, 
 " to go on planning ; I know they'll be 
 at the party ; and I shall have to see 
 that odious old plum-coloured gown;
 
 90 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 SO make up your minds, we shall have 
 the whole set of them/' 
 
 " And how vexing that will be/' 
 cried Mrs. Meredith, " for my genteel 
 company, to see such a vulgar looking 
 person at our house, as Mrs. Dowling; 
 and her daughters, such quizzes. '* 
 
 *' I don't so much care for the female 
 part of the family," observed Miss Mere- 
 dith despondingly," 'tis the male wretch- 
 es that tarnish a party ; instead of 
 having a set of fashionable looking young 
 men, tall, gentlemanly figures, we must 
 be having the Prattens and Bowlings, 
 detestable !" 
 
 '' Those Bowlings are so short and 
 vulgarly grown ;" added Elizabeth, — 
 " their clothes evidently made by a 
 country tailor — and then, they ask 
 ladies to dance they are not acquainted 
 with ; so awfully ill-bred, as Harriet 
 would say: and they dance so hor-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 91 
 
 ridly ! Then that Dick Pratten is so 
 m^kwarcUy tall ; like a warpM mop-stick ; 
 and such low manners ; with his ' Here^s 
 your works ! fine doings! who but we J' 
 — infamous/' 
 
 " What can be done/' sighed Mrs. 
 Meredith. " Then they know nobody, 
 and Vm of course obliged to sp6ak to 
 them every now and then, that they 
 might not feel slighted. And let me 
 tell you, it*s very disagreeable to see 
 Mrs. Dowling sitting up watching every 
 thing that's going forward, as if she 
 was calculating the expense ; not con- 
 sidering how pleasant we can make a 
 party, but what's the good of it. I 
 can see through her looks and meanings 
 when she praises my arrangements, and 
 concludes with, ' You must have had a 
 great deal of trouble.' I almost wish 
 we weren't going to give the party." 
 
 " I'm sure I wouldn't mind her/*
 
 92 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 said Elizabeth, " it will go off very well, 
 I have no doubt/' 
 
 " Then 'tis so odd, Mrs. Pratten will 
 fancy it incumbent on her to talk to 
 people she doesn't know, by way of 
 making up for any deficiency on my 
 part ; she gives hints to the servants ; 
 and officiously goes about hoping people 
 have had refreshments, and are well ac- 
 commodated ; so that the company can't 
 help seeing she's one of the family." 
 
 " Dreadful !" uttered the two sisters. 
 
 In spite, however, of all the antici- 
 pated mortifications, their exertions for 
 the ball were prosecuted with unremit- 
 ting assiduity : every day introduced 
 some new arrangements, either without 
 Mr. Meredith's knowledge, or with his 
 extorted consent. 
 
 At length the day arrived, and Maria 
 might have exclaimed, " Confusion now
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 93 
 
 hath done its masterpiece ;" for even 
 she, who had been permitted to know 
 most of their plans, was not aware of 
 the multiplicity of business, that was to 
 be executed on this important day. 
 
 From breakfast time till evening, an 
 uninterrupted succession of proposals, 
 suggestions, orders, and counter-orders 
 took place, and seemed to threaten no 
 final decision in their arrangements, 
 Mrs. Meredith's voice was heard in 
 every part of the house, in all the variety 
 of vexation, anger, entreaty, and de- 
 spair. 
 
 Many mistakes were made by persons 
 hired to assist, which called forth Mrs. 
 Meredith's wrath. " Why now, who 
 placed this girandole here ?" cried she ; 
 ** 'tis to be in the back parlour." 
 
 ** 'Twill do very well, where 'tis ;" 
 observed one of her sons.
 
 94 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 " I say, ril have it down," continued 
 Mrs. Meredith ; '' I won't have this old 
 fashioned, nasty, ugly, gilded thing here; 
 nobody, now, has such a thing in their 
 
 house frightful ! Oh, here, where, 
 
 what's become of the jelly-shapes ; I 
 had 'em here this minute ; somebody 
 has been and taken them away : — fetch 
 me a towel : — nobody goes to the door, 
 and the bell has been ringing this half 
 \iouY ; — do say we aren't at home." 
 
 '•Has any one ordered the French 
 rolls ?" screams a voice from an upper 
 chamber. 
 
 " Here's an apology come from Mr. 
 Dashwood ! was ever any thing so pro- 
 voking ! — 'Who has left all these things 
 here?" continued Elizabeth. 
 
 '' Why, 'twas I," said Mrs. Meredith, 
 '^ I placed them there on purpose, to 
 look like fashionable litters : — why law 
 now, didn't you say that the room
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 95 
 
 oughtn't to look as if it had been made 
 tidy for company, but just the same as 
 it was every day, and that at Lady 
 Rossiter's there were all sorts of things 
 about " 
 
 '' To be sure I did ; but there's a little 
 difference I've a notion, between her 
 elegant nick-knacks and the medley of 
 odd things you have collected together : 
 such an inkstand as that is quite ridi- 
 culous !" 
 
 '^ Well then, take it all away ; I 
 
 thought you'd have liked it 1 don't 
 
 know what you'd have, you fret one out 
 
 of one's very life ! law look here, I 
 
 can't make these candles stay upright 
 do what I will : — where's the lemonade 
 glasses ? I put 'em all out on purpose. 
 Nobody is to go into that room, where 
 the sweet things are. — Has the man been 
 here about putting up the lights ? — Did 
 I leave the key of the little cup-board —
 
 96 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 do look on the side-board — I must have 
 left it somewhere. I don't know one 
 thing Fm about — here's all your fes- 
 toons of flowers to be done now." 
 
 From the anxiety and confusion which 
 attended the preparations for this en- 
 tertainment, Maria anticipated no great 
 enjo3^ment of the party itself: her cou- 
 sins were so fatigued with their day's 
 work, that when they retired to their 
 rooms to dress, they seemed much more 
 inclined to retire for the night. 
 
 Notwithstanding the uncommon pains 
 which had been taken to make their 
 dance remarkable, the entertainment 
 passed off with the sameness of other 
 parties ; and when the company had all 
 taken leave, Mrs. Meredith and her 
 daughters, with jaded spirits, seemed to 
 feel in no wise repaid for the fatigue they 
 had undergone. Various vexations, too, 
 had occurred to embitter the evening,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. $7 
 
 in 'which the Bowlings and Prattens 
 had contributed their full share : a fa- 
 vorite beau had never made his appear- 
 ance ; a lady of fashion had gone away 
 before supper; and the dancing-, they 
 fancied, had not been kept up with 
 spirit. A variety of regrets and repri- 
 mands passed between them, in which 
 their irritated feelings made them lose 
 sight of the good-breeding which so 
 much distinguished them in company. 
 
 ^' How stupid you were at supper," 
 said Miss Meredith to her brother ; *' you 
 never exerted yourself as other young 
 men do, to make things £ro off pleasant- 
 
 ly-" 
 
 " Fm sure 1 did what I could." 
 
 " No you didn't, you sat up without 
 saying a word," 
 
 VOL. I. F
 
 98 V1.RIETIES OF Lli-L. 
 
 " Well," said Elizabeth, " that was 
 better than his telling Miss Vaughan, 
 how we had been fussi?ig all day." 
 
 ^' Oh, that was a joke," said her bro- 
 ther. 
 
 " No very pleasant joke to us, let me 
 tell you," retorted Miss Meredith, her 
 voice faltering, and tears threatening ; 
 " and then Mrs. Dowhng immediately 
 began puffing us off, saying, how well 
 w^e had managed every thing, and 
 what clever girls we were ; for we had 
 made all the sweet things ourselves. 
 Spencer Vaughan was by ; so mortify- 
 insr ! slie meant it for him." 
 
 o 
 
 '' Law I^' cried Elizabeth, " we never 
 remembered the mottos ! and there they 
 are now up in my room ; and I paid five 
 and sixpence for them out of my own 
 ppcket,"
 
 VARIETIES OF 1.1 FE. 99 
 
 ^* Well, there, that can't be helped," 
 said Meredith ; " but wasn't this vexing, 
 Mrs. Markham wouldn't play cards when 
 I asked her, and could have put her 
 at the table with the new packs ; and 
 afterwards she sat down with Major 
 Dawson at the lower table with one 
 clean and one old pack — then to hear 
 their wdt about the experienced pack, 
 and the cards that were so well sfounded 
 in the game : how provoking of her to 
 go away before supper ! oi^e would think 
 she did it on purpose to plague one.*^ 
 
 '' And how late all the smart men 
 came," -said Miss ^Meredith, " and I 
 couldn't get them to dance, do what I 
 would ; and there Mr. Torrens never 
 came after all." 
 
 *' Oh, I should be glad to know,''' 
 said Elizabeth, " whose bright thought 
 it w^as to introduce Mr. Champneysto 
 F 2
 
 100 VARIETIES OF LIFE 
 
 Rebecca Dowling^ ? I could have cried 
 my eyes out. 
 
 
 '^ Why, when he came there was no 
 other lady disengaged, so my father must 
 think it mighty clever to get him to 
 dance with that fright; and what's worse, 
 when he apologised for coming so late, 
 she, by way of being facetious, said, 
 with her nasty hsp, if he had come much 
 later hewould not have been in time for 
 the grand thupper there was to be. This 
 was of course a high joke to him, for 
 when he sat next ^Nlrs. Stapylton, I heard 
 him ask her what part of the grand 
 supper she took a fancy to," 
 
 " Well, I think,'* said Edward Mere- 
 dith, '' every thing was very nice at 
 supper, except the raspberry-cream : I'm 
 afraid it was a little sour," 
 
 *' Yes, and that was the 07ili/ thing
 
 %'ARrIETIES (>F LIFE, lOi 
 
 Airs. Stapylton cliose ; she just tasted 
 it, and not one thing else could I get 
 her to take, do what I would, as if she 
 was afraid of being poisoned — and those 
 Dowlings were just opposite to her ; 
 making such vulgar remarks upon the 
 su-pper ; stupid fools ! wondering what 
 this thing, was, and what t'other thing 
 was made of; and whether ^twas in- 
 tended to be eaten ; and thinking 'twould 
 be a pity to cut it, I do say it was very 
 impertinent in them to push themselves 
 up so high. Worrying creatures 1'* 
 
 '' And did you see that vulgar wretch, 
 Dick Pratten, in turning Miss Stapylton, 
 twirl his long arm over her head, alle- 
 mande fashion ; I saw her snatch away 
 her hand, as if she had touched a toad/* 
 
 " / could tell something," said a. 
 younger brother ; " I could, I say ; — '*
 
 102 VARIETIES OF LIFE* 
 
 " WeU, what ? you little torment !'" 
 
 *' Why some ef those gentlemen thafc. 
 Mr. Spencer Yaughan brought^, were 
 talking about the company ; they didn't 
 know me; and they said, "'twas a vil- 
 lainoias mixture, and they wondered 
 where the devil they had all eome from ; 
 aad then — '' 
 
 ^^Don't tell me any more ; it's torture/' 
 
 It was now near the time that Eliza- 
 beth Meredith was to set out for Clifton: 
 her wardrobe required considerable ad- 
 ditions and embellishments for this jaunt, 
 and her mother and sister freely offered 
 their assistance, and a share of their own 
 stock. 
 
 When all tEe necessary arrangements
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. lOS 
 
 were completed, Elizabeth set off with 
 Mr. and Mrs. Jones, in a chaise and 
 pair, with her trunks full of fmery, and 
 her heart full of hopes. 
 
 The sisters agreed to correspond, and 
 as their letters will give a better insight 
 into their characters, and a more lively 
 picture of passing events, than mere nar- 
 rative, their correspondence is presented 
 to the world, *' warm from the heart, 
 and faithful to its fires.'* Every allow- 
 ance must be made for the unreserved 
 communication and familiar expressions 
 of two sisters ; and should the publica- 
 tion of these letters be deemed an unwar- 
 rantable liberty, modern examples, it is 
 hoped^ may be pleaded as some excuse..
 
 kOAf VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 Letter L 
 
 Clifton, 20th June, 18--^. 
 
 J*Y DEAH FANNY, 
 
 I WROTK you a hasty line last nignt> 
 to apprise you of our safe arrival : and 
 now I know, as well as if I resided in 
 your heart, that you are longing to have 
 a full, true, and particular account of 
 our adventures ; but you can easily ima- 
 gine the misery of travelling with such 
 a fidgetty, nervous being as our good 
 Mrs. Jones. You know her ways when 
 at home, but her travelling humour you 
 have not yet had. the felicity of witness-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 105 
 
 ing ; nor had I an idea of what I was to* 
 endure, or I never would have been* 
 weak enough to have fallen into the 
 scheme. Imagine a person in constant 
 dread of being imposed upon-: at every 
 turnpike she exclaimed against the de- 
 mand, without having the candour to 
 remark the goodness of the roads. On 
 looking over the bill of fare at Cowbridge, 
 she asked the waiter what might be the^ 
 probable charge for a veal cutlet, before 
 she ventured to order it : and at New- 
 port, where we slept, it was ludicrous to 
 observe the anxiety she betrayed, least 
 her not having perceived the compliment 
 of wax lights till they required snuffing, 
 should subject us to some charge, al- 
 though the forbidden luminaries had been 
 immediately ordered away. Several cir- 
 cumstances of this sort were truly odious; 
 while I pictured ta myself the superlative 
 pleasure of being at such a place as Clit- 
 F 5
 
 W6 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 ton, under the auspicesof such, a com- 
 panion. 
 
 Mr. JonesT did not join us till wear- 
 rived at Newport, where he had gone 
 the day before to transact some business. 
 He wa& ready to receive us- at the inn, 
 and informed us he had ordered a nice 
 supper, of which we were partaking, 
 •whea I was agreeably startled by the 
 sound of a horn, which I guessed an^ 
 nounced the arrival of some dashing men ; 
 but Mr. Jones starting up^ with his 
 mouth full of raddishes and bread and 
 butter, and I believe I may add young 
 •onions, rushes out into the passage, with 
 *' what's all this, hey ? what's Boney 
 come to town ? — Oh," continued he, re- 
 turning to our room, while one of the 
 gentlemen passed the open door, " 'tis 
 only some frolicsome young sparks." 
 
 Ihe next morning these frolicsome
 
 TA'RIETIES OF LIFE. 107 
 
 young sparks had to witness our set-out. 
 They were at breakfast with their win- 
 dow open, and f:ould distinctly hear 
 Mrs. Jones's repeated injunctions to 
 have her little blue band-box put in the 
 chaise, so that it might not not be squat- 
 ted, as it contained her best bonnet. 
 From occasional fits of laughter from 
 th£ sparks, I guessed we must have con- 
 tributed to their mirth : presently they 
 all came out, to see a horse that a jockey 
 had brought to the door, and under fa- 
 vour of the important discussion which 
 ensued, our insignificant machine drove 
 off without further animadversion. I 
 collected from their conversation, that 
 they had been at the f^te at Tredegary 
 and that some of them were on their way 
 to Clifton. 
 
 We have been this morning lodging- 
 hunting ; no very enviable employment^
 
 IK)a VARIETIES OF LIFE,. 
 
 when the wish is to have pleasant' 
 lodgings, without the heart to pay for 
 them : then Mrs. Jone^ was so perplexed, 
 with being told she must pay for rooms 
 for which she has no use ; wondering* 
 why a servant's hall must be taken^ and 
 going away from the house in the same 
 manner, and with the same affected 
 indifference as when cheapening a bar- 
 gain^ expecting to be called back to have 
 her money taken. 
 
 We are at last housed in small lodg« 
 ings not very far from the Mall, but our 
 house is in a dull situation, and has ra» 
 tfaer a shabby appearance. 
 
 Mrs. Jones has been^ so busy in un- 
 packing, and getting her things in order,- 
 that we have not walked out yet, but 
 we propose taking a stroll after tea on 
 Clifton Hill,
 
 VARIETIES OF tlFE.. 109' 
 
 Pray write soon to your affectionate 
 sister, 
 
 E. Meredith, 
 
 Mr. Jones is gone to Bristol, to call 
 on a friend of his, Mr. Hudson. I won- 
 der what sort of bipeds these Hudsons 
 are. Mrs. Jones says they are very ca- 
 pitul people, and liv^ in a very handsome 
 way ; and she is sure I shall like them :' 
 all that goes for nothing.
 
 iliO^ VARIETIES OF LIFE 
 
 Letter II. 
 
 Swansea, 27th June, 18—. 
 
 IwAS much amused, my dear Elizabeth, 
 with your description of the delectable 
 journey with your good Joneses ; and I 
 am sorry to predict that I fear the plea- 
 sures of CHfton, will be not a little em- 
 bittered by their odd ways. 
 
 I should have answered your letter 
 sooner, but my time has been entirely 
 taken^ up with preparations for our dinner 
 to the bride, which took plack yesterday 
 in all due form. You know the grand 
 fuss any thing of the kind always makes^ 
 in our house, and Mrs. Charles^tapleton
 
 VARXEXrES OF LIFE. Ill; 
 
 being, quite a stranger, and reported to be 
 so fashionable, &c. you may imagine the 
 commotion, lest every thing should not 
 go off in style. We had a very elegant 
 dinner; but the difficulty was, who to 
 invite to- meet the Stapyltons : luckily, 
 our constant resort, the Vaughans, had 
 not left Highgrove, but then we did not 
 owe them a dinner ; that point however, 
 was got over, and they were invited, and 
 as we wished to make the^ party select, 
 we had, besides, only Mr. Dashwood and 
 Mr. Cummins : but who must arrive the 
 day befoFe she was expected, to give us 
 an agreeable surprise^ as she said, but 
 Aunt Patty ! and sillier than ever I think.. 
 Nothing to be sure could be more annoy^ 
 ing than such a visiter at such a time ; 
 nor could a present of a muslin habit-shirt^ 
 induce wicked me to give her a kind 
 welcome. It is the good creature's own 
 work and pattern, and the hideositt/ o£ 
 it is such, as to make it absolutely impose
 
 112 VARrETTEl^ OF LIFE; 
 
 sible that I can ever wear it, should habits 
 shirt days return. I hat^ presents when 
 one can't chuse for oneself: she rather 
 wondered, I believe, that I did not wear 
 it at the dinner party, but I flatly told- 
 her that it \vas not the fashion to muffle 
 up ; and Mrs. Ghtirles Stapylton fully 
 supported my assertion, for even her 
 shoulders were uncovered. That will 
 give you some idea of her ; in addi- 
 tion to which, I have to report, that she 
 is very handsome, tall, and completely 
 fashionable, and mast suit Sophia Sta- 
 pylton exactly ; though I rather suspect 
 she has too much of the satirical in her, 
 to be quite agreeable ; and Mrs; Vaughan, 
 whom we have always considered a most 
 pleasing woman, and " so much of the 
 lady about her," seemed not a little awed 
 by the manners of the new-comer. 
 
 The dinner went off much better than 
 r expected, making, allowances for Tho-
 
 VAlllETIKS (yv LIFE, 113 
 
 ma«'s blunders. What d'ye think the 
 old varlet did : he gave Mrs. Charles 
 StapyltoH a wiped knife, though he had 
 been charged over and over again not to 
 commit so f<>ul a sin : and when Mr. 
 Cummins called for beer, he snatched 
 away Spencer Vaughan's glass to reple- 
 li-ish it for Mr. Cummins; and not con- 
 tent with that, the stupid blockhead 
 brought it without a waiter, leaving on 
 the glass, no slight evidence of hi& having 
 four fingers and a thumb ! If that's not 
 hanging matter., I don't know what is. 
 The man we hired to assist proved an 
 ignoramus ; so the whole burthen^ fell, on 
 Thomas, who had one incessant trot, and 
 was quite short-breathed ; puffing and 
 blowing. Then I had to talk such non- 
 sense to drown Martha's loud whisperings 
 in the hall, with repeated injunctions, that 
 the peas were " to match the harti- 
 chokes," and " the jelly-shape thehuppen 
 corner, missus said J*
 
 114 VARIETIES OF LIIE. 
 
 Just at tea-time your letter was 
 brou2:ht, and after I had retired to read it, 
 I had to answer a thousand questions. 
 I flattered myself,. I had fairly gone 
 through my catechism, when Aunt Patty 
 attracted. every eye to her odious pink 
 countenance by saying, (you know her 
 tones^) " Don't she send her love to her 
 poor aunty-pan ty ?'* Of course I had to 
 say you did, and to witness Miss Stapyl- 
 ton's satirical squeezing up of her fea- 
 tures^ as she looked at h^r brother ; I am 
 afraid he returned the eye-shot ridicule. 
 
 Then fallowed, " Ah I thought Eliza 
 would-n't forgit me ; she used to say, when 
 she was but quite a little thing, that if she 
 was ever to come to be a grand lady, and 
 have fine cloaths and plenty of money, I 
 should always share it with her ; now 
 that shewed you know ma am," turning 
 to Mrs. Stapylton, and her face beaming: 
 with benevolence, making it look execra- 
 ble, " that shewed. a good disposition/'
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 1 Li^ 
 
 Mrs. Stapylton assented with a sly 
 glance towards Sophia, but encountering 
 me, her eye returned to its softness and. 
 her smile politely resumed its kindness. 
 
 I have just received a letter from Ed- 
 ward, who I find has scraped an acquain- 
 tance with a son of Sir Edwin Frere, at 
 Tenby ; this he hails as- a happy omen to 
 his forming good connexions ; but alas, 
 I fear our Ned, with all his wishes to be- 
 come the maa of fashion, will never suc- 
 ceed: there is a certain turn in his aspect 
 and style of behaviour that baffles all at- 
 tempts at being dashing: he hopes how- 
 ever to profit by your visit to Clifton, 
 which he fancies a very gay place, and 
 expects you will give him a few hints. 
 
 I pereeiv e I have not said a word of 
 Maria, nor indeed have I,, of our worthy 
 old clock ;. but lest any disrespect should 
 be imputed to me, I will just add, that
 
 l\6 VARIETIES 01? LIFE.. 
 
 the latter is the same useful good old 
 piece of household furniture, as when it 
 told the vulgar hours it passed on my 
 grandfather's stair-case; and the former, 
 the same mild, amiable, good creature 
 yoH left behind. 
 
 F. M. 
 
 P. S. I have just heard that Fairford is 
 here: he is with a recruiting party at 
 Carmarthen, so that he will have ft-equent 
 opportunities of coming to this place — 
 heigho ! I don't know what to say to Mm ; 
 k is very evident my father does not ap- 
 prove of his addresses.
 
 VARIElIEfs OF LlFJi. 117 
 
 Letter IIL 
 
 Clifton^ \st Julf/,\S> — . 
 
 My Dear Fa^nny's entertaining letter 
 arrived just in time to rescue me from a 
 fit of the glooms ; for we are verf/ dull. 
 I felt no regret however at having missed 
 the dinner to the Stapyltons;— one is 
 never repaid for the anxiety one endures 
 on such occasions. I sometimes think, 
 we very much mistake our real happiness 
 by attempting a style of fashion which 
 we must be conscious is not consistent 
 with our general establishment. It is 
 certainly unfortunate to possess ideas of 
 elegance which we cannot put into prac-
 
 lis VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 tice; but one feels a sort of gratification 
 in letting people see we understand how 
 entertainments should be conducted. 
 
 As for Edward, he must be content to 
 wait some time longer, before he gets 
 any hints of fashion from me, I have 
 now been at Clifton above a week, and 
 I seem scarcely got acquainted with the 
 place, and not knowing any one here, 
 makes one feel so out of the world: then 
 to see smart people flit by, — carriages of 
 all descriptions whirling about, — dashing 
 men on horseback — Servants lounging 
 before a door, fiye or six perhaps in the 
 same livery, &c. &c. ail calculated to 
 oppress one w^ith one's own insignifi- 
 cance. 
 
 Edward must learn to v/alk before he 
 can hope to pass for a gentleman ; his 
 voice, too, requires tuning ; and his 
 bead a store of fashionable topics for con-
 
 VAB-IKTIES OF LIFE. 119 
 
 versation : when he has acquired these 
 important rudiments, he must entertain 
 a consummate good opinion of himself; 
 dress fashionably ; and maintain to his 
 last breath, that clothes cannot be made 
 •out of London. He must be very know- 
 ing about horses ; indeed, I know of no 
 subject on which it is so esscmiial for 
 him to be well informed ; he must givje 
 his opinion and sentiments as if his whole 
 happiness depended on it. It will also 
 be necessary for him to understand 
 enough of boxing to enter with spirit into 
 a conversation on thdt polite art. As to 
 address, manners, &c. he must learn an 
 easy freedom, an off-hand way, a smack 
 of slang ; and study repartee. 
 
 I feel so frightfully dull, that Vm afraid 
 the Joneses will observe it, and there- 
 fore force all the sprightliness I can mus- 
 ter into my face ; which they, poor souls, 
 put down to real delight. They are, I 
 2
 
 120 VARIETIES t>F LIFE. 
 
 firmly believe, very desirous of making 
 this excursion as pleasant as possible to 
 me, in their own good way ; and various 
 plans are talked of to insure success. 
 We are to spend a day at Bath, (a place 
 I am dying to see in a proper way) ; then 
 we are to go once to the play, and, per- 
 haps, to the rooms, if we can summon 
 C0ura2:e enough to encounter the fa- 
 shionable assemblage of a ball room ; but 
 Mrs. Jones fears her nerves will not be 
 equal to it, and seems to think it quite 
 a sin, for people to go to balls this fine 
 summer time : well then, if it he a sin, 
 I must say ^tis one of all ©tjiers Fvc the 
 least scruple about. 
 
 In walking out this morning, I met 
 one of the gentlemen who alarmed us so 
 much with their horns at New^port. I 
 find he is a Mr. Ponsonby ; the most 
 elegant man I have seen here. I thought 
 heseemed to recognize me; but it might
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 121 
 
 be only my fancy. I understand he is to 
 embellish this place for some time. 
 
 I have subscribed to the library, and 
 have met with some amusing books. 
 Mrs. Jones is fond of novels, though she 
 never will own it: she won't take a vo- 
 lume, and sit down as if she were in 
 earnest, but she'll dip into one standing* 
 up, and go on reading for an hour. 4 
 
 A long list of quality in the arrival- 
 book gave me a flattering idea of the 
 gaiety of the place ; I have seen a few of 
 them — the Countess of Harville, Lord 
 and Lady Delmore, Sir Harry Poyntz, 
 the Hon. Mrs. Vivian, Colonel Moly- 
 neux, &c. &c. these I had pictured to 
 myself as the most elegant people in the 
 world ; imagine my surprize then, on dis- 
 covering the Countess to be a hideous, 
 superannuated beldam ; Lord Delmore 
 
 VOL.1, G
 
 122 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 an ideot ; and her Ladyship a graft from 
 his dairy. Sir Harry Poyntz, whom I 
 had decided to be all dash, fashion, and 
 whim, proves to be a fat gouty old gentle- 
 man, whom I had frequently seen mean- 
 dering about in a wheel chair. Mrs. 
 Vivian is an eternal church-goer, and 
 dresses like an humble friend. Well, 
 thought I, Colonel Molyneux no doubt 
 is a handsome dashing fellow : he was so 
 once I find, but has been a grandfather 
 these twenty years. 
 
 To make up for these disappointments, 
 I find the Harringtons and Dormers 
 most decidedly people of ton. Here 
 is also a Lady Bellinghurst, who is parted 
 from her husband, but is well received 
 every where, and lives in a very stylish 
 manner. 
 
 After introducing to you a set of people
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 123 
 
 I do not know, you may perhaps ex- 
 pect to hear of some whom I do know; 
 but as it is now so many years since the 
 Joneses lived in Bristol, there are very 
 few of their old acquaintance left : some 
 of them, from their account, were, no 
 doubt, very respectable, and of a higher 
 walk than common tradespeople, but 
 their acquaintance is now very limited, 
 and Mr. and Mrs. Hudson appear to be 
 the only persons with whom Mrs, Jones 
 wishes to be on visiting terms : they had 
 been neighbours, and though Mrs. Jones 
 is much her superior, yet convenience 
 and habit established an intimacy be- 
 tween them. We called on this favored 
 couple a day or two after our arrival here, 
 and a few evenings ago they drank tea 
 with us. 
 
 Mr. Jones has just informed me that 
 if I am writing home, it is time the letter 
 g2
 
 124 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 should be sent to the post-ofFice ; but I 
 cannot let it go in its present mopy state; 
 and shall therefore keep it to add such 
 occurrences as may be worth recording, 
 and I believe I may venture to promise 
 about as much variety, as there is in the 
 chirping of our smoke-jack, when it wants 
 oiling. 
 
 I feel I ought to say something about 
 Fairford ; but you so well know every 
 thing that I could say on the subject, 
 that it seems almost unnecessary. As I 
 know you are sincerely attached to each 
 other, I can only hope something favor- 
 able may turn up, and that every obsta- 
 cle to your union may be removed.
 
 VARIETIF.5 OF LIFE. 125 
 
 Monday. 
 
 As we understood the band was to 
 play on Clifton Down yesterday evening, 
 it was agreed that we should walk out 
 to hear it. Mrs. Jones was afraid it 
 would rain, and would on no account 
 put. on her best bonnet; so she went in 
 a dowdy straw slouch, and perhaps, if 
 any thing, looked genteeler than she 
 would in her best, which is over fine. 
 Mr. Jones carried a large umbrella. 
 
 Then an hour before the real fashion- 
 ables think of making their appearance, 
 we would set out, ior the band was come, 
 and no doubt would begin playing by the 
 time we got there : my telling them 'twas 
 too early was of no kind of use; and un- 
 fortunately afforded Mr. Jones an excuse
 
 196 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 for indulging an odd fancy he has of 
 going to the top of Clifton Down; and 
 now recollecting "twas high water, no- 
 thing would do, but we must all go and 
 see the ships come up: compliance fol- 
 lo^ved of course, and we had to fatigue 
 ourselves with mounting up to his fa- 
 vorite spot, in order to get the best view 
 of the river, &c.; and now, though the 
 band had struck up, and " Viva Enrico" 
 was wafted in broken parts to our ears, 
 inviting us to a more near enjoyment of 
 this delightful piece of music, nothing 
 could draw him from the spot: the slug- 
 gish vessels seemed to be dawdling along 
 on purpose to detain us, while he sought 
 to entertain and edify us with his ex- 
 planatory observations: " that^s a brig: 
 you see she has only two masts, and 
 that's a sloop that's on before; but look 
 behind you Miss Meredith, see what's 
 coming now, there's a fine ship ; there 
 now% that's a West Indiaman— there now.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 127, 
 
 how should you like to be on board her, 
 and take a trip across the Atlantic — sup- 
 pose we hail her, and ask the Captain 
 whether he'll take charge of 'e, heh?" 
 
 As there seemed no end to hrs running 
 on in this way, I ventured to remind 
 him, that as the band was playing, we 
 might as well go to the promenade. 
 
 " Well now stop a bit, I only want just 
 to see how they'll manage in the turn of 
 the river there. I wonder accidents don't 
 often happen ;" and then he went on ex- 
 plaining things which every child knows, 
 till I lost all patience. He wears one to 
 a rav'ling. I longed to push him down 
 the rocks, I was so provoked; for 'twas 
 very windy on the hill ; and as for my 
 hair, inevitable ruin threatened every 
 curl; I felt them fluttering about like the 
 black film on the bar of a blazing fire.
 
 128 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Mrs. Jones appeared listening to him 
 as if she thought he was displaying a 
 wonderful depth of understanding, and 
 hoping no doubt that I should report him 
 as a man of parts ; at length, however, 
 she seconded my wishes, and we reached 
 the promenade on the down ; but as it 
 was not a very fme evening, the genteel 
 part of the company preferred the pave^ 
 and pretty well crowded it was ; there 
 were many fashionable people, whose 
 names I have picked up. There was the 
 General and some of his family : another 
 dashing set was just before us, and be- 
 hind, was Mr. Ponsonby, with Mrs. 
 Dormer and a large party. It was im- 
 possible to talk without being overheard, 
 imagine my sensations then on hearing 
 Mr. and Mrs. Jones's remarks; but all 
 that was well-bred discourse to the nau- 
 seous farrago that I had presently to seem 
 a party to.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 129 
 
 Think over to yourself for one moment 
 how I was encircled by fashion: put 
 yourself in my place; and then imagine 
 our meeting a vulgar looking woman (a 
 stranger to me) with a fair, w^oolly face, 
 glowing with a transparent sort of heat, 
 her person furbelowed out in all sorts of 
 finery, and accompanied by a daughter, 
 whose appearance altogether was such as 
 to give no very favorable notion of her 
 character. On our encountering these 
 objects, the mother stood still before us, 
 and opening her eyes and mouth, and 
 putting up two hands w^hich looked Hke 
 feet, began exclaiming, " Goodness! 
 gracious ! ! who could have thought of 
 seeing you here ! why how long have 
 you been in tJtis part of the world ! my 
 gracious ! and so, Ma'am Jones is come 
 to Cliffoh, like all the rest of the gay 
 folk ! and how long have 'e been here, — 
 and never come and paid me a visit !"
 
 130 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 You can guess the intermediate replies 
 of Mrs. Jones ; but she did not give this 
 gracious lady a very cordial reception : 
 the wretch however went on, " well you 
 must come and see us — you know where 
 we live; you ha'n't forgot the old shop, 
 I dare say. Well now, how odd ^twas 
 that we should pop upon one another up 
 at Cliffon^ and I ha'n't a been here afore 
 I dont know when, such a long walk; 
 and 'tis so hot ; so there I went and sot 
 down among them trees.'* 
 
 It was evident Mrs. Jones wanted to 
 escape, without knowing how it was to 
 be accomplished ; so I volunteered my 
 assistance ; and giving her arm a timely 
 pull, to let a large party pass, we were 
 by this means separated from Mrs. Carey, 
 %iid we both cried out, " Good evening, 
 Ma'am, good evening,'" and hurried 
 3kway. This manoeuvre seenaed to di-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 131 
 
 vert Mrs. Jones very much, and appro* 
 priating to herself a moiety of the 
 achievement, she laughed heartily and 
 said, " We managed that matter very 
 nicely ; but Fm afraid, she'll think us 
 very rude : but dear me I didn't want to 
 go to her dinner, for I don't hke her at 
 all, I think she's a very low vulgar 
 woman." 
 
 I don't think so, thought I, but I 
 marvelled much, what Mrs. Jones's rules 
 of gentility might be, for in my poor 
 opinion, this fair lady and Mrs. Hudson, 
 Mrs. Jones's, friend are in that particular 
 much of a muchness, except that the 
 former has less scruples in clipping the 
 King's English. You shall judge be- 
 tween them when I have given you a 
 sample of Mrs. Hudson's happy man- 
 ners, under very similar circumstances. 
 
 The evening these Hudsons drank
 
 132 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 tea with us, the band as usual playing 
 on the down, we sallied forth to hear it ; 
 there were a great many smart people 
 walking, who must have been highly 
 amused at Mrs. Hudson's observations, 
 if the}^ took the trouble to attend to 
 them. She is a good-humoured, hearty, 
 friendly woman, but understands no 
 more of the world than a babe unborn, 
 nor not so much, as the Irishman said. 
 
 We walked part of the way home with 
 them, and on taking leave on Clifton 
 Hill, Mrs. Hudson begaa renewing an 
 invitation to dinner — and the way in 
 which she talked of this dinner ! a party 
 of fashionables was near us, only con- 
 ceive their hearing the following— the 
 voices growing louder as we parted 
 off. 
 
 ♦' Oh don't say a word about trouble," 
 said Mrs. Hudson, " for 'ton't be none
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. \35 
 
 at all : we shan't make any fuss with 'e ; 
 so don't be uneasy on that score." 
 
 *' We shall hope to see you/' observed 
 Mr. Hudson, " quite in a friendly way 
 you know ; a joint of meat and a pud- 
 ding ; perhaps a bit of fish." 
 
 " And plenty of pease and beans,'* 
 added his wife, " for 1 know that's what 
 you're so fond of." 
 
 This receiving general approbation we 
 parted from them in high good humour. 
 
 Well to this dinner we went, and a 
 tiresome day I had of it ; but it seems 
 the Hudsons had altered their plan, for 
 instead of receiving us in a free way, 
 they invited a large party, and gave us a 
 very handsome vulgar dinner : profusion 
 was mistaken for elegance — no remove 
 — no second course — not an inch of
 
 134 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 table-cloth to be seen — the most incon- 
 gruous articles appearing on the most 
 intimate footing : at one corner bacon 
 saluting blanc-mange ; at another, jelly 
 elbowing cabbage, in the immediate vi- 
 cinity of fish ; and in the middle a 
 towering salver of whip-syllabubs wdth 
 port w^ine at the bottom of them. 
 
 As for the company, ^twas the stran- 
 gest set : some of them were serious 
 sort of people ; so after tea, there were 
 no cards, and there they sat up, talking 
 aD manner of goodness ; very edifying, 
 no doubt, but which nevertheless, I 
 don't mean to trouble you with. 
 
 The most lively topic that occurred, 
 was a proposed party to Ashton to eat 
 strawberries and cream ; and a day was 
 at length agreed on. 
 
 1 begin to sigh for the tranquillity of
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 135 
 
 home : for gay places, unless you enter 
 into their gaieties with proper spirit, 
 are more tantalizing than pleasant to 
 
 Your ever affectionate, 
 E. M.
 
 136 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 Letter IV. 
 
 Clifton^ Wednesday Morning. 
 
 I am very angry at not hearing from 
 vou ; but 1 conclude a certain g^entleman 
 engrosses more of a certain lady's 
 thoughts, than her poor unfortunate 
 exiled sister; if however you have a 
 lurking regard for this much-to-be-pitied 
 damsel, the following will serve to let 
 you know she has survived many a 
 severe attack of horrification. 
 
 A sudden proposal by Mr. Jones of 
 going to the ball, was to my surprise 
 acceded to, by his better half. Of course
 
 VARIETIES OF. LIFE. 137 
 
 I did not fail to exhibit myself in my 
 happiest costume^ and my chaperon 
 made a very handsome appearance in a 
 pea-green silk, and looked comely and 
 well enough ; but not an inch of fa- 
 shion about her. 
 
 We went time enough to see the 
 rooms lighted ; so there we sauntered 
 up and down for half an hour, as if we 
 had been cast upon a desart island ; 
 Mr. Jones and I performing liver and 
 gizzard to a boiled fowl in a full suit of 
 parsley and butter. 
 
 After admiring the rooms, Mrs. Jones 
 began exclaiming agauk^t the nonsense of 
 people coming so late : she declared 
 'twas quite " ndickius.'* 
 
 At length the company be,s;-an to 
 flock in, and about half past nine, the 
 dancinor commenced. The rooms were
 
 138 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 now tolerably crowded, but how differ- 
 ent to the balls I had been used to, where 
 I felt myself a person of some conse- 
 quence ; here, I w^as nobody, and peo- 
 ple pushed by me, as if I was a chair. 
 Mrs. Jones wondered how they could be 
 so rude; she never saw such behaviour 
 in the whole course of her life, she 
 said. 
 
 At tea time an officer of one of the 
 militia regiments, happened to be stand- 
 ing near our table, looking as if he did 
 not know any one ; so Mrs. Jones out 
 of pure civility, and ignorance of the 
 world, offered him a dish of tea, for 
 which I must say, he appeared very 
 thankful ; and when the dancing recom- 
 menced, he, out of gratitude I suppose, 
 asked me to dance. Truly, thought I, 
 I am not very likely to get another part- 
 ner ; and though I had a great repug- 
 nance to exhibit myself on such an in-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 139 
 
 troduction, with a person whose name, 
 even, I was not certain of, though I be- 
 lieved it to be either Watson or Watkins; 
 yet as I was longing to dance, and as the 
 man, to do him justice, was not much 
 amiss in his appearance, I did not give 
 him a direct refusal, and the music 
 striking up a favourite tune, overcame 
 all scruples ; but how shall I describe 
 his dancing ! It really was a take-in ; 
 why the fellow had no more ear than a 
 post : he sprawled about in the figure 
 like a man in the dark ; his spread hands 
 waving in all directions ; and as for his 
 steps ! his dancing master, (if he ever 
 had one,) ought in common honesty to 
 return the money : when one leg was off 
 the ground, there was no calculating 
 where it would alight, and he ducked and 
 plunged about like clothes hanging to 
 dry, in a high wind. 
 
 As for me, I felt that I looked and
 
 1-40 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 danced well, and excited, I flatter my- 
 self, no little admiration ; as a proof of it 
 the elegant Ponsonby procured an intro- 
 duction to me, and after some conversa- 
 tion asked me to dance ; but unluckily, 
 just as we were to have led off, the music 
 ceased, which informed us all it was 
 twelve o'clock. So provoking ! for he 
 appears to be a darlings as Harriet Vil- 
 lars would say. By the by, it is a 
 great while I think, since we heard from 
 her. 
 
 Friday. 
 
 I have been to these strawberry gar- 
 dens, and most heartily did I wish my- 
 self at Jericho, Jerusalem, or any other 
 outlandish retreat, I told you Mr. and 
 Mrs. Hudson and a Miss Brown were to 
 be of the party, but truly, I did not
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 141 
 
 reckon on such agreeable supernumera- 
 ries as they thought proper to bring with 
 them. I find my station in society be- 
 coming lower and lower every day. I 
 thought Mrs. Jones bad enough ; but 
 now, her friend, and her friend's friend, 
 want to be " hail fellow^ well met^' with 
 me, so that I find it necessary to be 
 constantly upon my guard to prevent 
 my being hedged in within the pale of 
 vuloraritv. 
 
 It was a most sultry afternoon ; and, 
 at about half past five, a hackney coach 
 stopt at our door, containing " six pre- 
 cious souls, for pleasure all agog." Mr. 
 and Mrs. Hudson, and Miss Brown, 
 alighted, followed by Mrs. Carey, her 
 daughter Jenny, and a Mr. Martin, 
 whose loathsome attentions to Miss^ 
 proclaimed him to be her accepted. And 
 who is Mrs. Carey ; why no other than
 
 142 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 the identical lady who was astounded at 
 seeing " Ma am Jones at Cliff on,'^ We 
 were afterwards joined by Mr. Carey, 
 and two or three vulgar children. 
 
 As soon a» we were ready we all set 
 out, and walked ta the ferry : the boat 
 was on the other side, so we had to wait, 
 with other parties on the same expedi- 
 tion — some of them appeared genteel 
 and were near enough to us, to hear 
 Mrs. Carey ^s striking remarks on the 
 picturesque ; such as, 
 
 ^' Laws, how purty them trees grows 
 on the hoppursut side ; do7it ^em.'^ 
 
 " Oh Ma'am,'' said Mrs. Hudson, 
 '• there's nothing like itanytvhere: and 
 only hark at the birds, how sweet they 
 sing — hark ! I do think I heard the 
 gookoo, hark ♦ '' Gookoo ! gookoo !"
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 1A3 
 
 Oh here's the boat a coming; make 
 haste master, make haste I say, all the 
 strawberries will be gone else/' 
 
 " Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, how slow 
 *em be,'* cried Mrs. Carey, " and now 
 they must go washing the slip ; dear, 
 dear, dear, we shall be all night getting 
 there — oh, now I suppose we may pur- 
 ceed — dear me," continued she, pawing 
 up her gown, " how slippy 'tis, lend 
 me your arm Mr. Martin ; take care, ail 
 on'e. Is that plank safe. Master? there's 
 no danger of the boat, is there ?" 
 
 " Here's some horses coming," ob- 
 served Mr. Hudson, " better let them 
 go first." 
 
 " Oh !" shrieked Mrs Carey, '' I on'n 
 go if there's any bosses." 
 
 " Never you fear," said her husband
 
 144 VARIETIES OF I.IFE. 
 
 — " don^tmakea fool of yourself; they're 
 as quiet as iambs." 
 
 " What goocril it do me," returned 
 his wife ; " what good'll it do me, I say, 
 when we be hupset, and all drownded, 
 to know that they was as quiet as 
 lambs afore this evening : I on't go, I 
 tell'e, not for all the strawberries in the 
 kingdom." 
 
 '' Well then you may stay by your- 
 self, and go home by yourself, and live 
 by yourself, if you can't behave like 
 other people." 
 
 " Law, dont*e be so snappish — Well, 
 then, now do stop a bit, cant'e. Let 
 ^em all get in fust — Dear, dear, I do 
 think that one looks as if he'd kick — he 
 do, indeed — I can't go — he certainly will 
 do somethinc^ or other."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 145 
 
 Further assurances of there being no 
 danger, at length quieting her alarm, 
 this frightful piece of goods was safely 
 put on board. 
 
 We were soon landed on the other 
 side, and a short walk brought us to 
 the gardens — merely an ordhard with 
 bowers, &c. and swings for the amuse- 
 ment of children of all ages from three 
 to thirty. 
 
 The gentlemen having given orders for 
 a plentiful supply of strawberries and 
 cream, down we all sat. 
 
 Mrs. Carey declared she could not do 
 without her tea ; so tea was had, and 
 she began cramming with hot cakes, as 
 if she was laying in for a week. Pier 
 daughter took a fancy to try the swing, 
 and it was Mr. Martin's happy lot to put 
 
 VOL. I. H
 
 146 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 the machine in motion. Oh, what a 
 figure she cut ! What had she on ? The 
 nymph had thought fit to apparel herself 
 in a trumpery yellow muslin pelisse, 
 shewing her red arms through the long 
 sleeves ; a hat of the same, with a wreath 
 of pink flowers in it, and cock'd on one 
 side so as to display a gold comb — white 
 beads round her neck ! ! ! Her beau was 
 dressed well enough, and might have 
 passed for a gentleman, if manners 
 had nothing to do with the business ; 
 but he was execrably jocular, with an 
 incessant loud vulgar laugh ; so irri- 
 tating. 
 
 While w« were paying our reckoning, 
 a party. of real fashionables arrived. A 
 large mahogany table was placed in the 
 centre of the garden for them, and they 
 sat down to a merry repast : some offi- 
 cers were among them, and a military 
 band began some delightful airs.
 
 VARIETIES OF LI^E. 117 
 
 This induced our party to prolong their 
 Stay, and as we sauntered up and down 
 the orchard, Mrs. Carey, as we came op^ 
 posite the " smart folks,'* as she called 
 them, would take great notice of them, 
 and rather stop, as she passed them, in 
 order to take a more thorough survey. 
 One of the ladies was a Mrs, Dormer, 
 (I had seen her at the hall :) her children 
 were running about, and Mrs. Carey 
 stopt one of the boys, and inquired his 
 name ; (so well-bred1) "*' Jack Robin- 
 son, Ma'am,'' he archly replied, and 
 scampered off to enjoy the hoax with his 
 party, for poor Mrs. Carey was com* 
 pletely taken in. 
 
 After these fashionables had finished 
 their repast, they ordered the band to 
 play Scotch reels ; and throwing off all 
 restraint, several of the party stood up 
 and danced, which put Mrs. Carey in 
 the fidgets to dance also : " as there 
 H 2
 
 ^i8 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 was music,^* she said, " why shouldn^t 
 we dance too ; 'twas no harm ;"" and 
 she actually seized Mr* Martin by both, 
 hands and turned him half round and 
 back. 
 
 Then we all thought it would be plea- 
 sant to take a little stroll ; but we had 
 not proceeded far, before Mrs. Carey ex- 
 pressed her fears that we should be too 
 late for the boat, so we all returned ; 
 Mrs. Garey quickening her pace till she 
 got into three steps and a run ; and on 
 coming in sight of the ferry, bawled out, 
 *' Oh, bless'e, we needn't a hurried so, 
 there's the boat 1" 
 
 The fashionable party reached the ferry ~ 
 in time to be our compagnons du voyage. 
 Nothiag but gaiety appeared to belong 
 to them, while a sort of gloomy disap- 
 poii-tment was visible in the faces of 
 some of owr friends. Mr. Jonos, it seems,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 149 
 
 was much surprized at the charges ; and 
 after having remained for some time 
 silent, or nearly so, he askec^ Mrs. 
 Jones how much she thought they had 
 charged. 
 
 *' Lor, 'tis monstrous high to be sure," 
 exclaimed Mrs. Carey, '' but there they 
 must hve you know ; ^tis th^ir harvest, 
 and they must reap while the sun shines: 
 Lor ! Miss Meredith ! how youVe a 
 splosht your nice silk stockings ;'* laying 
 an emphasis on the quality of them, 
 as being something remarkable ; con- 
 cluding with, '' dear, dear, dear ! what a 
 pity \" 
 
 Mr. Jones still continuing rather down- 
 cast, Mrs. Hudson observed that she was 
 afeard he wasn't well ; strawberries and 
 cream, she thought, for her part, were 
 very wholesome, but they didn't agree 
 with some people.
 
 loO v.arikt:fes of tiFi> 
 
 ■* Don't'e feel we]l> my dear,'' said his 
 wife ; '' ah^ well then^ we must see what 
 we can do for 'e ; you shall take a little 
 tincter. of rhubarb when we get home; 
 that'll set ail to rigjits/' 
 
 Then she would go on in a low tone, 
 (,but so as to be heard, I'm certain,) talkr 
 ing to me of a lady's bonnet. *' There, 
 I do say, those sort of bonnets are very 
 pretty: Miss Meredith I say, you could 
 make yourself one like it ; you see ^tis 
 quite a plaia front, with a puckered caul: 
 'tis very pretty ; I'm sure we can carry 
 the pattern m our. eye, can't us ?^', 
 
 Mr. Martin was inclined to be on his 
 /u7i, which not happening to suit Mrs, 
 Carey's humour, she begged him to be 
 quiet ; '' now dont'e,^' said she, ** do'e 
 stand still, and dont'e push one so, you 
 make one so hot. Dear me !'* she con- 
 tinued, '' it must be high water, I. do
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 1,51 
 
 think : oh, look at that little boy : little 
 master, I'm afeard you'll be over, — do'o 
 take care my dear; 'tis very dandgerous to 
 lean over so, — Master Robinson, my 
 flear ! do you hear ?" 
 
 The little quizzer was convulsed with, 
 laughter, and the hoax seemed to create 
 some degree of mirth among his friends. 
 
 Mrs. Jones havingwhispered that 'twas- 
 Master Dormer, Mrs. Carey began shew^ 
 ing symptoms of great displeasure, and. 
 exclaimedy ^ he's a very naughty boy 
 then, to go and tell me such a falsity ; 
 augh ! I can't abide a liar : if a child of 
 mine dared to tell me a lie, Vd flog him^ 
 as long as I could stand over him, I ac» 
 tilly would.'* 
 
 " Oh, but this was only a joke yoa. 
 know," said Mrs. Jones.
 
 162 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 *' Joke or no joke/' returned Mrs. 
 Carey, " Vd teach him to know better: 
 it's a parant's duty so to do/' 
 
 ** Children do learn so many bad ways/' 
 said Mrs. Hudson, " 'tis unaccounta- 
 ble/' 
 
 " Ah, that they do/' continued Mrs. 
 Carey, '' there's my youngest daughter, 
 I don't know what to do with her, not 
 I ; she has such a speret. I declare at 
 times, her temper's so, she's like a ramp- 
 ing liant 1" 
 
 " 'Tis very trying," observed Mrs. 
 Hudson ; " but children will be chil- 
 dren !" 
 
 Mr. Martin thought it witty to inquire, 
 whether any of us were sea-sick ; where- 
 upon Miss Carey declared she was quite 
 ashamed of him, he was '' so orrid vul-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 153 
 
 gar/' He then began wondering how 
 many were in the boat ; and lumping the 
 Dormers and me with the Careys and 
 Hudsons, and other trash that happened 
 to be in the boat, he announced that 
 there were forty-seven of us. 
 
 The rest of our party were not behind 
 hand in giving specimens of their good 
 breeding, so torturing to my feelings, 
 that the passage seemed a voyage to the 
 Indies. Miss Brown was the best be- 
 haved amongst them, but she is crimi- 
 nally ugly, and wore a gown that was 
 made before the flood. 
 
 We spent a plea&ant d«ay yesterday, 
 for it rained incessantly, and we kept 
 within doors ; consequently I escaped 
 the horror of being linked with vulgarity : 
 I offered to make up a cap for Mrs. 
 Jones, which she took in very good part, 
 H 5
 
 I54f VARIETIES OF LIF2. 
 
 observing 'twas aa ill wind tliat blows 
 nobody any gpod.. 
 
 Write soon to your affectionate
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 135 
 
 Letter V. 
 
 :.;jt 
 
 Swamea^ July 
 
 Yeur spirits, my dear Elizabeth, must 
 have been at a low ebb when a raitiy day 
 could afford consolation ; but it must be 
 torturing. to be at such a place as Clifton 
 with, people that htive no notion of life : 
 and what plagues one so is, that they .♦ 
 think they are giving you so much plea- 
 sui-e. How odd it was of those Careys 
 to pu^sh themselves into your strawberry 
 p^rty, after the reception Mrs. Jones- 
 bad given them. Now though I fully- 
 comprehend the mortifications you suffer,- 
 y«t such is the perversity of human na*--
 
 156 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 ture, I cannot for my life help laugh- 
 ing. 
 
 My mother and I called a few days 
 ago to pay court to Mrs. Stratton, who 
 is settled in her new house ; for I think 
 it is as well to keep in with her ; who 
 knows but she might leave me a com- 
 fortable legacy ! Her pearl necklace 
 would not be sneezed at : not that I ever 
 expect to be a sous the better for her. 
 Be that as it may, she received us very 
 eivilly. It is a delightful house, and I 
 could not help envying her such nice 
 large rooms, and thinking I could make 
 a nxuch better use of them than she does. 
 
 After shewing us the drawing-room, 
 she must needs mount us up to the at- 
 tics, expatiating all the time on the con- 
 veniences of her house. " There, '^ said 
 she, throwing open the door of a closet, 
 " there that's a nice place for brushes or
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 157 
 
 any litters or lumber, and it serves to 
 put out of the way a number of little 
 presents given me by young ladies : I 
 have had so many, I don't know where 
 to put them, so they are all pushed in 
 here.'* And sure enough there I beheld, 
 swept up in a corner of this dark abode, 
 sundry pasteboard baskets, hand screens, 
 card cases, &c. in all their pride of gold 
 borderings and gimcrack ornaments. 
 Guess the indignation I felt on seeing 
 in this hoard of legacy baits, with a 
 flower-pot crushing in the lid, my own 
 ingenious handicraft, the twelve-sided 
 work-box that I gave her, by way of 
 sending a sprat to catch a herring. All 
 the distracting trouble of cutting each 
 piece of card paper into the exact shape ; 
 the many I spoilt before I thought of 
 using compasses ; all the consultations 
 we held ; the endless work of painting 
 so many different devices, all rushed 
 into my mind, and woefully disturbed
 
 1.58 VA^RIETIES OF LIFE* 
 
 the insinuating smile with which I al- 
 ways dress my countenance when I visi4: 
 the old hag. I am afraid I saw the iden- 
 tical card racks you painted for her, 
 peeping from underneath an unmeaning 
 pasteboard vase, that Kate Jennings 
 made. Now, thought I, could I warn 
 Miss Davis of the fate of a paper lantern^ 
 on which she has been perseveringly 
 employed for the last month. I vow I 
 will never do another thing for her. — I 
 shall never forget her asking me to work 
 a continiiation. of that frightful border 
 which was not enough to go round her 
 am^le gown, and in two days after, en^ 
 quiring whether I had finished it. I 
 remember it took me six weeks, and 
 nearly ruined my sight into the bargain. 
 
 In our way home, we called at High« 
 grove, and were shewn, into the sitting-, 
 room, where we found ^Ir. Dashwood., 
 I think jNlarv A^au<ihan is setting her cap.
 
 VARIETIES aF LIFE. 159 
 
 at him. Sarah and Penelope were at 
 their lessons,- and Penelope brought up 
 her slate to her sister to shew the sum 
 she was doing ; which, together with 
 Mrs. Vaughan's telHng Sarah to finish 
 her French exercise, as her sister would 
 be ready to attend to her in an hour's 
 time, gav^ us all to understand that Miss 
 Vaughan was so might\ good and clever^ 
 as to instruct her little sisters. There 
 is a great deal of shew-oft in all that. 
 
 Do YOU recollect Margaret Draycott 
 at school? to be sure you do: well, she 
 is come with her mother and sisters to 
 Griffith's cottage : they have taken it for 
 !<ome months. We have called on them, 
 and had them to tea ; yesterday we drank 
 tea with them, and being only asked in 
 the morning, made very little alteration 
 in our dress, but found Margaret Dray- 
 cott arrayed, fit for a ball. They had 
 beeu disappointed of some friends they
 
 160 VARIETIES OP LIFE, 
 
 had expected, so we had to make the 
 best of sitting in circle ; Mrs. Draycott 
 fearing, she said, we should pass a very 
 stupid evening, without either company 
 or cards : so we had to be not at all fond 
 of cards, arid not at all prepared to meet 
 a party. After the tea and coffee cere- 
 mony had been duly performed, and we 
 hap ransacked the neighbourhood in every 
 direction for topics of conversation, the 
 expense attending the education of girls 
 was discussed, while five Miss Draycotts 
 sat up weighing the obligation of the re- 
 spective eight and thirty pounds per an- 
 num paid to Mesdames Briggs and Acker- 
 thorne: which indeed, Mrs. Draycott 
 said, was not all; — " no,'* said Jane, 
 " there's the accomplishments besides;" 
 — " Ah," sighed Mrs. Draycott, " ac- 
 complishments indeed ! it's all mighty 
 well to talk of.''— By this time you may 
 suppose we began to be upon the yawn- 
 ing establishment; so seeing a piano in
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. l6l 
 
 the room, I thought prdper to ask Mar- 
 garet if she played; — no, she said, she 
 
 didn't; nor her sisters? " Ah," 
 
 sighed Mrs. Draycott again, *' there's 
 my daughter Jane has learnt seven years, 
 and now does not keep it up at all! and 
 the quantities of music that I have paid 
 for!" No wonder the poor woman loathes 
 accomplishments. They asked me to 
 play, which I was thankful to do, to 
 keep myself awake, but was utterly con- 
 founded by the twanging tone of an old 
 Ganer, totally unacquainted with the 
 discipline of the tuning hammer. I was 
 nevertheless held up by Mrs. Draycott 
 as a pattern for her daughter's imitation. 
 " See," said she, " how well Miss 
 Meredith plays ! 'tis quite delightful to 
 hear her. Ah, Mrs. Meredith, ?/our 
 money was not spent in vain; yowr daugh- 
 ter has profited by her instruction." 
 Margaret Draycott being so urged, at 
 last sat down to the instrument, and
 
 l62 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 committed a cruel, barbarous, and iiihui- 
 man murder on all my favorite dances. 
 
 After we had paid our respects to the 
 wine, and some cake which had been 
 baked Wednesday three weeks, we t©ok 
 ourselves home- 
 Mamma had such a quarrel with Mar- 
 tha yesterday, I thought it would have 
 ended in her going — 'twas a most flagrant 
 offence, to be sure. Thomas was out^ 
 and she went to answer the door with a 
 dirty apron, and her hands all over flour^ 
 with making pastry, of course it must 
 happen to be the Stapyltons; — think 
 of Mrs^ Charles Stapylton having to give 
 hercasd into such besmeared paws ! When 
 Mamma saw who had performed porter^ 
 to be sure she did give it her finely: — 
 Susan too had a good thick slice for not 
 eoming down stairs time enough to. ha.va^
 
 VARIETIES OF LI IK. 163 
 
 prevented. Martha's exposing herself and 
 us. 
 
 Major Dawson left his P. P. C. cards 
 the other day when (so lucky!) we hap^ 
 pened to have an early dianer;^^ — and 
 Thomas being. so obliging as to leave open 
 the parlour door, he must have had the 
 amusement of hearing the diabolical 
 clatter of the knives and forks of those 
 who had not the wit to keep^them still; 
 to say nothing of being poisoned with the 
 vioFent smell of roast mutton;. 
 
 By the way, I hear Mrs, Daly and^ 
 Harriet are at Cheltenham: it must be 
 very pleasant to jaunt about so inde- 
 pendently; and stay at a place if they 
 find it agreeable, or go on somewhere else, 
 just a& the fancy tak^s them. I am so 
 fond of moving about, that I haive a great 
 tiotion the life of an officer*s lady would 
 suit me very well.. Fairford still evinces-
 
 164 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 the greatest attachment, but I see him 
 very seldom. I was walking with him 
 one day, when of all the people in the 
 world, I must meet Mrs. Dowling and 
 Rebecca ; they eyed me so unpleasantly, 
 Rebecca simpering as if she thought it 
 mighty funny; and Mrs. Dowling look- 
 ing as if she doubted whether it would 
 not be her " dooty'* to tell my father. 
 
 Yours affectionately, 
 
 F. M.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. iGS 
 
 LjETTER VL 
 
 Clifton, Juli/, 
 
 1 am afraid naughty Fanny did not 
 profit much by our writing master's copy, 
 •* make no jest of another's distress," 
 since my disasters make you so merry ; 
 while your account of Martha's misde- 
 meanour, and the mal-apropos call of 
 Mr. Dash wood, made me stamp my 
 foot with vexation ; though to say the 
 truth, I own there is some laughability 
 in those untowardnesses. 
 
 My compliments to Mrs. Stratton,
 
 IS6 VARIETIES OF ILIFE* 
 
 and she deserves to be tarred and fea- 
 thered : had I seen my card racks in 
 that dungeon of her's, for no fault of 
 their's, sweet innocents, I should have 
 clawed them out, and spirited them 
 away, 
 
 Margaret Draycott had much more 
 cause than you, to feel uncomfortable 
 about her dress. Thinlv what you would 
 have felt, had i/ou been the bedizened; 
 like poor me, when I went to the 
 Yaughans, after a week's in-vitation, 
 (expecting to meet a party,) accoutred 
 in pink sarcenet, trimmed with beads, 
 flowers in my head, and bob ear-rings ; 
 and found them at work in their usual 
 afternoon dresses ; and nobody there but 
 Mrs. Markham in a bonnet ! 
 
 I am 410W enduring a succession of 
 distresses such as were never before
 
 tARIETIES OF LIFE. 167 
 
 heard of in a christian country. Our 
 Bath jaunt ! I wonder I am not in a 
 fever. I really felt so jaded and worried 
 on my return, that I had a great mind 
 to 'be I'll and go home : but you shall 
 be favoured with the wretched particu- 
 lars. 
 
 The day being fixed, imagine my 
 -anguish on finding it was decided that 
 we were to go in a stage coach ! a thick 
 hazy morning promised fine weather, 
 and a broiKng hot day we had of it ; at 
 Bath too, of all places in the known 
 world, at this time of 'the year ! 
 
 Shall I soil my paper with a descrip- 
 tion of OUT fellow-sufferers in the coach ? 
 When we were, as I thought crowded 
 together like a slave-ship, and almost 
 suffocated with heat and dust, guess my 
 sensations, on a huge grazier screwing
 
 168 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 himself into a 'corner next me, because 
 forsooth this abominable vehicle was 
 licensed to carry six inside* 
 
 Mrs. Jones hoped he had room — oh^ 
 he said, it must do, and it should do. 
 This opened a loathsome parley between 
 them, made up of such common-place 
 remarks, as I should detest myself for 
 repeating. 
 
 Opposite to me, was a being of a still 
 more villanous species ; an under-bred 
 fop, who, I verily believe attempted to 
 ogle ; but I took care to be in the sulks, 
 and never spoke a word. Mrs. Jones, 
 good creature ! was afraid I wasn't well ; 
 that travelling didn't agree with me. 
 
 " Better let down the other window/' 
 said my fat neighbour, and give a little 
 more air."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 169 
 
 " Could the young lady eat a biscuit 
 or some gingerbread/' kindly inquired a 
 snuffy old woman, untying a pocket- 
 handkerchief which appeared to contain 
 a variety of rubbish of that sort. 
 
 ^' No thank you, Ma'm, I was con- 
 strained to say, and I fear rather impa- 
 tiently, as she replied, " I hope no of- 
 fence, Miss." 
 
 " 'Tis all strange to her," said Mrs. 
 Jones, in an apologetic tone, " she 
 hasn't been used to this kind of travel- 
 hng, nor we shouldn't have come in it, 
 only 'tis so very convenient, the coach 
 passes our very door." 
 
 " Yes, ^tis very convenient ;" said 
 old snuffy, " and I fancy, greater folks 
 than any of us, find it so too, some- 
 
 >> 
 
 VOL. I
 
 170 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 There was something a little ambi- 
 guous in the drift of this remark, which 
 occasioned a silence in our party, till 
 Kelston house appeared in sight, which 
 gave a more general torn to the conver- 
 sation, and a distant view of Bath re- 
 stored us all to good humour. 
 
 At length this tedious journey was 
 over, and we alighted at the inn. I al- 
 most expired with insignificance as I 
 descended the perpendicular steps. We 
 were hardly asked by the waiter to walk 
 into a common room, while every eye 
 and hand was employed in welcoming 
 the arrival of a carriage and four, Sic. 
 
 After we had moped for a few minutes 
 in the dull apartment allotted to stage- 
 coach travellers, the door was opened by 
 a waiter who inquired whether we 
 stayed to dinner, meaning no doubt to 
 better our accommodations if he re-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 171 
 
 ceived a reply in the affirmative : a meek 
 answer was given, that, " No, — we be- 
 lieved we should dine at a friend's." 
 The door slammed together. 
 
 After we had a little adjusted our 
 dress, we set out on our rambles, trud- 
 ging all over the city in every direction, 
 from Sidney Gardens, to the tip-top of 
 Landsdown Crescent, till Mrs. Jones's 
 face gradually assumed the hue and 
 character of a red cabbage. 
 
 In Milsom Street Mrs. Jones was 
 standing stock-still making loud wonder- 
 ments at Fasana's to the amusement of 
 some genteel people in the shop, who 
 coming out, as ill luck v»'ould have it, 
 I recognized to be the .lerniaghams. 
 The tide of Mrs. Jones's exclamations 
 w^as checked, and as they stopped to 
 speak to me, she stared at them as if she 
 was looking for the first time at the 
 I 2
 
 172 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 king and queen and all the royal Fa- 
 mily. 
 
 The Jerninghams were very civil ; 
 hoped to see me, if I made any sta}^ &c. 
 I was of course much obliged, and all 
 that, and was endeavouring to evade an 
 explanation of our plans, when Mrs. 
 Jones must put in " we're only just 
 come over for the day, Ma'am, to shew 
 Miss Meredith all the lions of the fa- 
 mous city of Bath, Ma'am, and to be 
 sure,'' continued she in a more familiar 
 tone, '• pretty well tired we are. We've 
 been upon our legs ever since we got 
 out of the coach at ten o'clock this 
 morning at the — (jerking her thumb over 
 her shoulder), at the — what d'ye call it, 
 there, which seems to be a very com- 
 fortable place ; only very high, I fancy," 
 
 After this rencontre, we ventured into 
 a confectioner's for some refreshment :
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 173 
 
 it was a fashionable style of shop, and 
 we seemed to enter, as if we were afraid 
 of being turned out. Then out of so 
 many dainties that were temptingly dis- 
 played before us, it was difficult to de- 
 termine what to chuse, particularly as 
 the price was first to be ascertained ; 
 like a poor child with a single half- 
 penny. 
 
 Mrs. Jones whispered that we had 
 better have some soup, but Mr. Jones 
 having, I could see, a dread of the charge, 
 hesitated before he gave his assent ; which 
 made his wife complain in a loud whis- 
 per, that it would be very hard indeed if 
 we mightn't have a little soup, when 
 'twas to be our dinner. *' Fm sure Vm. 
 aUiiost famished, and tired to death, 
 tramping all over Bath, as I have done 
 this day.* 
 
 Colonel Hartland, a friend of Pon-
 
 174 VARIEirES OF LIFE. 
 
 soiiby^'s, now came out of an inner room, 
 and must have heard the whole of Mrs. 
 Jones's complaint, as she stood close to 
 the door. 
 
 Our soup was then ordered, and we 
 retreated to satisfy our keen hunger, 
 leaving Colonel Ilartland lounging in the 
 shop, where he was soon joined by two 
 or three other gentlemen. 
 
 We made the mo&t of our time, and 
 having despatched our soup, we sum- 
 moned resolution to partake of some of 
 the delicacies of this mansion of Laste. 
 Our account was next to be settled : this 
 was a fearful business ; we w ere charged 
 for an article or two more than Mr. Jones 
 thought we had had ; and the bill was 
 not discharged (imagine my feelings !) 
 till Mr. Jones had, over and over again, 
 in the hearing of Colonel Hartland, 
 expressed his doubts of its correctness,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 175 
 
 the whole finishing- with a sharp dis- 
 pute. 
 
 We had taken our places by the latest 
 coach, in order to have more lime to see 
 Bath ; and carelessly let the time slip 
 by, till we suddenly found the hour of 
 departure was arrived. Mr. Jones hur- 
 ried on with his wife under one arm, and 
 myself under the other, at such a rate 
 that the people stared as if we were all 
 mad. In our flurry, we missed our way ; 
 now we began to grow distracted. The 
 sign of the inn w^s at length hailed with 
 a loud shout of acclamation, which, 
 however, was soon turned to dismay on 
 seeing the coach drive from the door. 
 " Stop ! stop !" vehemently called out 
 ^Ir. Jones, without being heard by the 
 driver, so off he ran as fast as his legs could 
 carry him, leaving his wife and myself 
 to manage as well as we could. Mrs.
 
 I7to VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Jones whisked into the bar of the inn for 
 a little bundle ; then begging me to make 
 haste, began running through the street. 
 I could not bring myself to a run, but 
 was walking most unfashionably fast, 
 when I again encountered Charles Jer- 
 ningham and his sister, who penetrating 
 our dilemma, informed me, that the gen- 
 tleman had stopped the coach. Mrs. 
 Jones, not aware of this good news, 
 looked back somewhat angrily at seeing 
 the delay, exclaiming, " you cannot stop 
 now, Miss Meredith, you must come on 
 for the life of 'e, or we shall be too 
 late." 
 
 Mr. Jones now came running back, 
 his face as red as the sun in a fog, and 
 crying out, " what are you all about 
 there, you can't stop a minute; the 
 coachman says he won't wait— come 
 along/' Oh, how humbled I felt.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 177 
 
 Tired with so much walking about, 
 and overcome with our exertions to over- 
 take the coach, our ride home was not 
 devoted to much conversation ; the few 
 sentences which Mrs, Jones addressed 
 to me, I replied to rather pettishly, 
 which, considering she's my god-mamma, 
 and has something pretty to leave, was 
 neither so dutiful, nor so prudent as 
 might have been expected from a lady 
 of my good sense. She seemed vexed 
 too; we all appeared as if we were sorry 
 for something, and arrived home in no 
 very lively mood — so ended our day of 
 pleasure. 
 
 E. M. 
 
 This morning the servant of the house 
 was kind enough to inform me, that the 
 mullentary was to be reviewed on the 
 I 5
 
 178 VARIETIES ®F LIFE. 
 
 ^owns^ to day. What's that to me;. 
 thoug4it I ; I have no equipage to take^ 
 me there, and as for mobbing it with 
 the sutlers, it's an amusement I don't 
 to vet.
 
 TARIETIES OP LIFE. 179 
 
 Letter VIL 
 
 Swansea, Julyc 
 
 My dear Emzabeth, 
 
 I am obliged to seek some remote- 
 corner of the house to enjoy your de- 
 lightful journal, for fear my laughter 
 should alarm the family. I quite despair 
 of giving you any entertainment in re- 
 turn: you know so well, how we are 
 going on, that to say a syllable on that 
 homely topic, would be as absurd as 
 aunt Patty's shrewd observations on the 
 weather, as if she were the only person
 
 180 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 in the world who could discover whether 
 it was hot or cold. 
 
 As for parties, I never knew any thing 
 half so forlorn in that way ; and among 
 the visitants such a plentiful scarcity of 
 smarts; it is really deplorable. The Ri- 
 chardsons are here, and I drank tea with 
 them yesterday; they are in their old 
 lod2rino:s, and as hum-drum as ever. 
 There is a tall spare figure of a Miss 
 Parminter on a visit to them, with a face 
 that might have been pretty ten years 
 ago; but now, her tout enseynhle pre- 
 sents an exact model of beauty on the 
 wane; the lady nevertheless, affects to 
 be dans sa premiere jeunesse, but un- 
 luckily for her, the Miss Richardsons had 
 two or three young girls about their own 
 age, none of them, I am sure, exceed- 
 ing nineteen, among them my friend 
 Charlotte Morris; so we young people 
 were so full of our own jokes and topics,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 181 
 
 that seemed a foreign tongue to poor 
 Miss Parminter, that we at length drove 
 her to seek a retreat by the side of bund- 
 ling Mrs. Richardson, making her feel 
 forty at least. 
 
 Mamma had a cold; so Maria stayed 
 at home to keep her company : she says 
 she prefers sta^nngat home! — well, every 
 one to their liking: however, she went 
 with us to the last ball, and looked very 
 neat and pretty, in a muslin dress that I 
 suppose did not cost her half a crown : 
 she danced with young Evans ; so sui- 
 table ! and so contented she was with the 
 simple swain, though for my poor part, 
 I would as soon have had a kitten far a 
 partner. 
 
 The ball itself was flat, stale, and un- 
 profitable. I had none of my right part- 
 ners : Fairford has been absent some time 
 on a visit to his uncle; none of the
 
 182^^ VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Vaughaiis or Stapyltons were there ; and 
 as for Dashwpod, I should as soon ex- 
 pect the moon to ask me to dance. I 
 hear Mr. Torrens is going to be married 
 to a sister of Lord Strawarne; — what 
 nonsense it was, asking him to our party. 
 But of all the matches that are talked of, 
 who ever dreamt of any hero's falling in 
 love with Miss Wheeler's flimsy features! 
 why my dear, Tm told she is seen every 
 where with a naval officer in full uniform 
 dangling after her! and 'tis said they are 
 to be married immediately. The family 
 seem to chuckle mightily about it; but 
 bless them all, I would not wish a kitchen-- 
 maid such luck; this gallant tar, I find, 
 is nothing more or less than a grey-headed 
 midshipman ! 
 
 TImrsday. 
 My letter has remained unfinished 
 nearly a week for want of materials. Wc
 
 TARrETIES OF LIFE. 183- 
 
 dined yesterday at the Jolliffes ; — a large 
 party— every root and branch of the 
 Nortons were there, and a right dull day 
 we had of it, unless a curious Mr. and 
 Mrs. Higginbottom could rescue it from 
 such a stigma. The lady is bordering 
 upon fifty, and of a comely appearance ; 
 rather formal in her manners, and as pre- 
 cise in dates^ as an almanack ; she ap- 
 peared possessed also; of a remarkable 
 store of information about persons of 
 quality; the first specimen of which, was 
 drawn forth by Mr. Jolliffe's mentioning 
 that i\rr. Torrens was married that morn- 
 ing to the second' daughter of the late 
 Lord Strawarne. 
 
 '* Excuse me, Sir," said Mrs. Higginr 
 bottom,^ ill a slow measured tone, as if 
 she were reading:, '' 'tis the youngest 
 daughter. His lordship had no issue 
 by his first lady, who dying in 1783, 
 his lordship married secondly, Jemima,
 
 184 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 daughter and co-heiress of Wm, Sotheby, 
 Esq. of Spring Park ; by - whom he had 
 issue, first, Charles Henry, the present 
 Earl, born in 1790, married to his first 
 cousin Miss Eraser, sister to Viscountess 
 Hatherleigh ; secondly, Gabriella ; third- 
 ly, Catherine Anne ; fourthly, a son, 
 still-born ; and fifthly, Emma Louisa, 
 which is the lady in question." 
 
 We were all much amused with this 
 display of her accuracy, upon a point of 
 so little consequence ; and as she did not 
 appear possessed of a superfluity of polish, 
 I was not a little puzzled to account for 
 the information, and numerous anecdotes 
 she gave us about the nobility, till Mr. 
 JollifFe let me into the history of these 
 Higginbottoms. 
 
 The husband is one of those lucky 
 mortals ; I think one hears of such, about 
 once in three years ; who are left large
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 185 
 
 fortunes by old gentlemen, of the same 
 name, but no relation!!! The one in 
 question was originally a porter's boy at 
 the Golden Cross, Charing Cross ; and 
 rose by degrees to the dignity of head 
 waiter : he afterwards became butler in 
 a gentleman's family, where he got ac- 
 quainted with the housekeeper to Lord 
 Norbury, who had been brought up 
 from a child in the EarFs family ; her 
 aunt having been for half a century the 
 historian of the castle, to which impor- 
 tant situation the niece in due time suc- 
 ceeded, and from the constant habit of 
 describing the pictures and detaihng the 
 extensive connexions of the Norbury fa- 
 mily, she became so conversant with the 
 genealogy of the nobility, that she may 
 be fairly intituled, " The peerage per- 
 sonified." 
 
 Soon after Mr. Higginbottom was mar- 
 ried to this rarity, an old gentleman left
 
 iS6 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 him a handsome fortune, for no other 
 reason than because, by some lucky 
 chance, he happened to have been chris- 
 tened Daniel Higginbottom I An im- 
 portant change now took place in Mr. 
 Higginbottom's manners, dress, &c. he 
 studied how to appear the gentleman r 
 his linen was observed to be always 
 clean, and his nails, hitherto most unna- 
 turally slighted, became the objects of 
 his care ; and totally forgetful of his ori- 
 gin, he now affects to be a man of fa- 
 mily, and in his vulgar mother tongucy 
 talks of the antiquity of the Higginbot- 
 toms. 
 
 All this^ you may think very prosing, 
 but had you heard the teas t-and- water 
 conversation that prevailed, overflowing 
 all common bounds of insipidity, you 
 would have called this creme de noyau. 
 
 Old Jennings and his dowdy daughter
 
 VARIETIEfS OF LIFE. 187 
 
 were there, and gave us their annual in- 
 vitation to spend a day at the ferm, while 
 (he currants and gooseberries were about, 
 and begged Miss Shirley and I would 
 come over whenever we liked, and eat as 
 many as we chose. 
 
 They take care how to time their invi- 
 tation^ but Fll see their currants and 
 gooseberries in the tide, before Til stir 
 an inch to get one. 
 
 Did they ever ask us to come when- 
 the peaches and nectarines were in sea- 
 son, I should be glad to know ? No, 
 never: and then, when they are all over, 
 Kate Jennings will tell me, what im- 
 mense quantities they had ; that she ate 
 a dozen in a morning; that they quite 
 dropt off the trees I her dainty stomach, I 
 fancy, must learn to do without them 
 this year, for I hear their trees were all 
 blighted. I don't pretend to be sorry.
 
 188 VARIETIES OF LIFB. 
 
 Mr. JollifFe's eldest son is returned 
 from Jamaica, and has acquired I under- 
 stand a very good fortune : he appears 
 much taken with Maria Shirley; but 
 Fm afraid there is not a corresponding 
 liking on her part : ^tis true, he is on 
 the wrong side of forty, deplorably ugly, 
 and has lost an eye; but then, he is said 
 to be the best tempered man in the 
 world, and certainly has a great regard 
 for her; so that, if she would but take a 
 fancy to the Adonis, and give him a tiny 
 bit of encouragement, the match might 
 soon be brought about, 
 
 I had no idea that Mrs. Jones could 
 be such a nuisance : to be sure, at home 
 she deals very sparingly in the agree- 
 bles ; but if she had the Indies to leave, 
 you couldn't suffer more: were I in your 
 place, I should die no other death. 
 
 Only think of the fluster I was in the 
 other day : in walking out with my fa-
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE» 189 
 
 ther, who should we meet but Fairford: 
 he bowed as he passed, but of course did 
 not offer to join us ; my father was look- 
 ing as black as thunder. 
 
 Anne was with me, and the little 
 plague eagerly cried out that's Captain 
 Fairford, wasn't it ? Susan says, he's 
 over head and ears in love with my sister 
 Fanny. 
 
 " I'm sorry," said my father, *' that 
 Susan has not more discretion than to 
 talk such nonsense to you ; and am very 
 sorry, indeed, that a daughter of mine 
 should be the subject of a servant's im- 
 pertinent remarks." 
 
 I felt my cheeks burn like a furnace^ 
 and said something to turn the discourse 
 as soon as I could. 
 
 F.M.
 
 190 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 Letter VIII 
 
 Clifton^ July^ Saturday. 
 
 I still am doomed to be the living re- 
 cord of tb.e miseries of human life. 
 Yesterday morning we went to see 
 Brockley Combe, a beautiful romantic 
 glen, about eight miles from Bristol. It 
 is usual to make parties to visit this en- 
 chanting spot, but I fancy it was thought 
 it might be accomplished in a more eco- 
 nomical way by ourselves. We took 
 some cold provisions, dined under an 
 oak, and returned home to tea, after
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 191 
 
 which we strolled ahout the down, and, 
 in returning home about nine, we were 
 overtaken by Ponsonby, who joined us^ 
 and as he had been lately at Brockley, 
 we were full of the beauties of the place, 
 and our conversation was kept up witiai 
 tionsiderable spirit. 
 
 Mrs. Jones behaved remarkably well, 
 for he)\ and did not blunder on any vio- 
 leiit vulgarity, but because I had ven- 
 tured to hint, on our journey home from 
 Bath, how much more preferable a chaise 
 would have been, she took care to let 
 Ponsonby understand that we went in a 
 post-chaise to Brockley, as if it was ele- 
 vating us to the height of fashion, when 
 Tm rather inclined to think a hack chaise 
 is considered by the somebodies a very 
 low thing. 
 
 However, he might not have noticed 
 that, and I flattered myself that this day
 
 192 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 would pass off without inflicting fresh 
 torments; when, unluckily, as we came 
 to our door, Mrs. Jones asked him to 
 walk in, with " pray do, stop and take 
 a bit of bread and cheese with us/^ 
 
 The door was already opened ; Pon- 
 sonby and I were in the middle of a 
 subject ; he did not decline Mrs. Jones's 
 invitation ; I felt it necessary to second 
 it, and he actually walked in ! I verily 
 believe without knowing what he did, 
 for he is a little eccentric, and inclined 
 now and then to be rather absent ; 
 for he could not have been aware that 
 he was invited to supper, at an hour 
 when every rational creature was at 
 tea. 
 
 After we had all four entered our little 
 darksome drawing-room, Mrs. Jones left 
 us for a few minutes; and hearing a 
 great deal of whispering on the stairs,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 193 
 
 between her and the servant of the house, 
 I exerted all my eloquence to drown this 
 vulgar confab. 
 
 At length Mrs. Jones re-entered, and 
 addressing herself to Mr. Jones, inform- 
 ed us all, that it was very extraordinary 
 that Nanny should have gone out with- 
 out asking leave. " Don't you know 
 where she is gone ?" continued she, 
 speaking to the servant, who was still 
 heard on the landing-place. 
 
 " I doant knaow, Ma'am,'^ answered 
 a very low-life voice; " she said, as how 
 she was just agwain to step out a bit, 
 and should be back in a minut/' 
 
 *''Tis very impertinent of her, I do say,'* 
 said Mrs. Jones, " and ^tisn't the first 
 time neither: when we are at home, to 
 be sure 'tis a different thing, because 
 there's the other maid, but to take 
 
 VOL. I. K
 
 194? VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 such liberties here, is what I won't put 
 
 up with/* 
 
 « 
 
 " I dare say she'll be back presently," 
 observed Mr. Jones ; and then talked of 
 the weather, to turn the subject, while 
 his wife left the room to give some fur- 
 ther directions, and again entered with 
 all the appearance of concealed anger. 
 
 The house-drudge now made her en- 
 tr^. A fat blowsy young woman in 
 short petticoats, displaying black stock- 
 ings, a pink gingham gown, with the 
 waist behind exalted to her shoulder 
 blades, and sunk in front under an over- 
 whelming rotundity. Her hands and. 
 arms of a flame colour, and none of the 
 cleanest ! 
 
 The bare recollection of this evening 
 brings on a nervous palpitation: the 
 girl flounced about in a frumpish hu-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 195 
 
 mour at doing our servant's work : she 
 was a week laying the cloth, which she 
 smoothed down with her execrable paws', 
 and placed the black-handled knives 
 and forks on the table in any-how 
 fashion. 
 
 Then to see all our little matters of a 
 supper concern! mustard, vinegar, &c. 
 in villainous cruets. During this cere- 
 mony, Miss Elizabeth Meredith was 
 shrinking smaller and smaller into no 
 thingness : she endeavoured, indeed, to 
 draw Ponsonby's attention from what 
 was going forwards, but the more she 
 hammered for conversation, the less she 
 had to say, and for the life of her she 
 could not help watching the gawkey 
 bringing in the supper. 
 
 I thought I must have swooned when 
 the unsightly remains of a roast leg of 
 mutton were deposited on the table; a 
 K 9
 
 196 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 few radishes and butter made another 
 dish, corresponding to a plate of stale 
 biscuits, while a lump of cheese made 
 a conspicuous figure at bottom. 
 
 Nothing else appearing likely to grace 
 the board, Mrs. Jones rose, and motion- 
 ed Mr. Ponsonby to the table, with, 
 *' Well, Sir, will you please to drawm^/i.* 
 we are rather badly off to night, what 
 with Nanny^s playing us this trick, and 
 being in a lodging-house, we have no- 
 thing about us that we are used to."*' 
 Did she think Mr. Ponsonby a fool ! 
 Has Mrs. Dormer no better accommoda- 
 tions then, because she's in a lodging- 
 house, forsooth I 
 
 Ponsonby declared that he never took 
 any supper. 
 
 " Dear," cried Mrs. Jones, '' well, 
 now, that's so different to us; for we
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 197 
 
 always make a hearty supper, so Til 
 thank'e Mr. Jones for a slice of mut- 
 ton : 'tis very much cut into, I must 
 say ; I fancy our Nanny must have had 
 visitors/* 
 
 ** 'Tis quite shameful !" muttered Mr. 
 Jones, as he turned about the joint 
 from side to side, till he turned my 
 stomach. 
 
 " 'Twas a very nice leg," continued 
 Mrs. Jones, " I chose it out of half a 
 dozen : do let me persuade you to take a 
 bit — we'll have up a bit of pickle. Here, 
 what's your name, here's the key of the 
 little cupboard on the kitchen stairs, and 
 you'll find a small jar of pickle-cabbage; 
 bring some up, and make all the haste 
 you can. You need n't wait to put it 
 out in a saucer, but bring the jar as it is 
 —make haste. I don't much like trust- 
 ing her with the key, as 'tis the only
 
 198 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 place I got to lock up anything.— I've 
 got my sugar and candles, and things 
 there. Now you 7nust let me help you 
 to this nice little bit, Mr. Ponsonby." 
 
 Ponsonby persisted in saying he never 
 ate supper by any accident. 
 
 '' Well, you will, Miss Meredith." 
 
 I, of course, declined. 
 
 " Why, what's the matter with you 
 then, my dear; you that make such 
 hearty suppers. I wish you had seen 
 her last night, Mr. Pongonby, with the 
 pork chops ! 'twould have done your 
 heart good to have seen her. If Fd 
 thought of it, we could have had a little 
 of the mutton hashed !" 
 
 What, thought I, did she think it pos- 
 sible for the cookery of that kitchen 
 wench to tempt him !
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 199 
 
 Mr. Jones having called for beer, the 
 girl had to go down for it, and then 
 came up with the melancholy intelli- 
 gence that the cask was out. 
 
 On hearing this, Mr. Jones flew into 
 a violent passion ; he was now certain 
 that Nanny must have had people in 
 the house, and was resolved that the 
 jade should not stay with them another 
 week. 
 
 " What shall we do," said Mrs. Jones, 
 " shall we send up to the hotel for some 
 porter ?" 
 
 " No — no. We can do without, if 
 Mr. Ponsonby won't take any thing.'* 
 
 •' Well, then," said Mrs. Jones, 
 " we'll have some rum and water pre- 
 sently — you won't alter your mind, will 
 you, Sir, and try a bit of something?"
 
 SCO TARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 I longed to say, do let him alone 
 Ma'am ; I wonder you can ask him to 
 eat, when there is not a thing on the 
 table fit for a Hottentot ; but Mrs. Jones 
 went on pressing him, and again apolo- 
 gized for the supper's not being so com- 
 fortable as she could wish ; he assured 
 her, nothing could be better. 
 
 " It don't seem so, then. Lizzy, my 
 dear, (she will call me Lizzy), do look in 
 the cupboard : I put away a few straw- 
 berries, perhaps we can tempt Mr. Pon- 
 sonby/' 
 
 He begged me not to trouble myself ; 
 but the strawberries were produced. 
 And what were they ? — the perishing 
 refuse of our dessert : never the best ; 
 and now ! their stems betraying their 
 want of freshness ; and the fruit ! of all 
 hues but the right one ; lilac predomi» 
 nating !
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 201 
 
 " Dear ! dear ! how soon they do 
 turn '/' cried Mrs. Jones, " I declare if 
 we don't make a finish of them to-night, 
 they'll be good for nothing by to-morrow. 
 Will you try a few Mr. Ponsonby, I be- 
 lieve you'll find them better than they 
 look : bring the sugar my dear." 
 
 Ponsonby politely declined being poi- 
 soned; and in order, I suppose, to put an 
 end to their entreaties, said he would 
 take a biscuit to keep them company : 
 he had ju«t before asked for some water, 
 and the wretch now brought it to him in 
 a white ware cupl 
 
 " Bless my heart !" cried Mrs. Jones, 
 staring at the girl, '' why where have you 
 hved, child ; do bring a clean glass and 
 a decanter of water. She has no notion 
 of things." 
 
 Nanny was now heard coming in, and 
 
 K 5
 
 202 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 was soon summoned to the drawing- 
 room. 
 
 " Why what in the name of goodness 
 Nanny could make you think of staying 
 out till this time I I declare if you offer 
 to go out another time without asking 
 leave, you shan't stay another day with 
 me, if it's ever so." 
 
 Nanny appeared much confused ; and 
 said she had only just stepped out a bit 
 to see an acquaintance, and did not ex- 
 pect to have been so long. 
 
 " Don't tell me\' cried Mrs. Jones, 
 •^^ you're f^r ever just stepping out, I 
 never knew anything like it, things are 
 come to such a pass— we can't ask a 
 friend to come and eat a bit of supper 
 with us, but you must go out that very 
 evening."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 203 
 
 Every order was now given with angry- 
 impatience : " bring up some more ra- 
 dishes ;— don't take away the butter: 
 here, you can carry this down— make 
 haste/' 
 
 " She has got a sweet-heart I suppose," 
 said Mr. Jones, " it turns all the girls 
 heads," continued he with a leer, which 
 seemed to include me in his remark ; to 
 say nothing of making Ponsonby a party 
 concerned. 
 
 *' Now Nanny," said Mrs. Jones, 
 " bring us some hot water, and see if 
 there's a lemon, we'll have a little punch/* 
 
 If the thought of the punch had tended 
 to soften Mrs. Jones*s wrath, a few glasses 
 of the favorite beverage, put Mr. and 
 Mrs. Jones into high good humour. Mr, 
 Jones became very talkative, and enters
 
 204 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 tained us with some humorous stories, 
 in which he has, it must be owned, rather 
 a happy knack. 
 
 When Ponsonby had taken leave, 
 Mrs. Jones observed, he did not seem to 
 be at all a sociable sort of person ; and 
 how different it would have been if Mr. 
 Watkins had dropt in to supper. 
 
 "I dare say,** continued Mrs. Jones, 
 ** he would have been as pleasant and as 
 free as if he was at home, and not have 
 sat up, as if there was nothing good 
 enough for him.'' 
 
 I endeavoured to excuse Ponsonby^ 
 by saying, that no doubt he had dined 
 late, and of course, could not be very 
 hungry at half past nine, and that he 
 was certainly a more agpeeable man thaa 
 Mr. Watkins.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 2CK5 
 
 " Ah, well, there, if you like him, my 
 dear, it*s all very well." 
 
 Mondai/. 
 After such a disgusting evening (and 
 I should not like Ponsonby if I thought 
 he was not disgusted with the scene),, 
 you may suppose I felt desirous of 
 meeting him under more favourable cir- 
 cumstances, that I might have an oppor- 
 tunity of removing the nausea whick 
 that supper might have excited. 
 
 In walking through the mall yes^- 
 terday morning with Mrs. Jones, I saw 
 him approaching, and was in hopes he 
 would have joined us : there appeared to 
 be no haste in his movements, and no^ 
 thing to prevent his taking a turn with 
 usj but no doubt the supper scen^ came
 
 ^6 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 across his mind, and he passed us with 
 a bow : he met some ladies immediately 
 afterwards, and joined them, though he 
 could not walk with me: no, nor ever 
 will again, I suppose. 
 
 Wednesdai/* 
 
 I despair of giving you an adequate 
 idea of all the vexations I meet with. 
 My feelings are so peculiarly acute, that 
 even where I am a perfect stranger, I 
 cannot endure to be supposed vulgar. 
 Imagine then, our going to a play, and 
 having the good luck to find the Hud- 
 sons and Careys in the same box. Oh, 
 how I was tortured with their ridiculous 
 and silly remarks on an elegant party 
 before us, which they could not fail of 
 hearing, being alw^ays made in a loud 
 whisper ; such as.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 207 
 
 " I heard him call her your lady- 
 
 " Which of *em ?*' eagerly cried Mr». 
 Hudson. 
 
 " There, she, in that comical turban.''' 
 
 " She*s a Roman Catholic,'' said 
 Mrs. Hudson, gazing on Mrs. Lud- 
 wycke with as much awe as if she had 
 seen a sorceress ! "I heard a gentleman 
 behind me say so." 
 
 " Lor ! they're talking French I do 
 think, or some outlandish gibberish or 
 other." 
 
 Kemble was playing Richard the 
 Third ; but instead of extolhng his mas- 
 terly delineation of the part, Mrs. 
 Carey, after enquiring who wrote the 
 play, began exclaiming against the guilt
 
 208 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 of the bloody Richard. " Oh the 
 wicked wretch !" she repeated at inter- 
 vals ; " what a villain he must be : 
 what's he going to do now ? the wretch 1 
 I never heard any thing so horrid T' 
 
 '' 'Law i'' cried Mrs. Hudson, « I 
 heard somebody say it rained : I hope 
 to goodness it don't ; for Fve got no- 
 thing but this shawl to put over me. 
 Mrs. Jones, here's bad news for usf Miss 
 Meredith i" calling me so loud as evi- 
 dently to attract notice ; " Miss Mere- 
 dith, I say, ! do you know it rains ?" 
 
 *^^ And there she has nothing but thin 
 shoes on," said Mrs. Jones. " I do 
 think we must have a coach : it's a pity, 
 too. You could step out, Mr. Jones, 
 and see how the weather is, and leam 
 whether any coach is to be had, and 
 
 what would be the charge- so vexin-g 
 
 to have it rain I"
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 209 
 
 Mr. Jones returned from his recon- 
 noitre with the intelligence that it rain- 
 ed " dogs and cats !" and began up- 
 braiding his wife for not having brought 
 proper cloaks and shoes in the probable 
 chance of such a misfortune happening ; 
 while she retorted upon him, that she 
 had suggested bringing an umbrella, but 
 that he would not for fear of losing it.- 
 
 The entertainment was now over ; but 
 the party before us still remained, when 
 one of the ladies asking a gentleman to 
 inquire for their carriage, Mrs. Carey took 
 upon herself the office of informing them 
 that there was no coach to be had ; add- 
 ing, " 'tis a terrible wet night, there's no 
 such thing as walking. We're all in a 
 sad purdicament! And if we get a 
 coach, we shall have to pay a pretty 
 penny for it / warrant; they charges 
 abomernably when they knows one's at 
 a nonplus." The ladies stared at her as
 
 210 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 if they thought her mad, while she con- 
 tinued her oration with the utmost com- 
 placency. " Why now, there was 
 t'other day I went to call on a friend in 
 the Old Market, and there it got late, 
 and I was so hot and tired, Yd have 
 given the world for a bit of a lift ; well, 
 coming back, I met a hack just by 
 Peter's pump, and if you'll believe me, 
 he charged half a crown for taking me 
 home : now I knew 'twasn't more than 
 a two shilling fare, and as for waiting, 
 says I, 'twasn^t but a minute, at the 
 butcher's, while 1 bought a pound of 
 sassages; besides, says I, you know 
 very well you can't charge for time and 
 distance too; so, says I, if you say a 
 word more, I'll have'e up before the 
 mayor! — Oh, they will impose, if they 
 can I'* 
 
 Imagine what I felt at being leagued 
 with such wretches. We fortunately
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 211 
 
 procured a coach, and got home in dry 
 clothes. 
 
 I felt little inclined to partake of any 
 more amusements with such annoying 
 Joneses as these are ; but hoping to 
 meet Ponsonby whom I had not seen 
 since the morning he met us in the 
 Mall, I started the idea of going to the 
 ball last night, and as Mrs. Jones has 
 now in a great measure overcome her 
 dread of large parties, she readily agreed 
 to my proposal. 
 
 We went at a more rational hour than 
 we did on the former occasion ; I felt 
 anxious to be again on an agreeable foot- 
 ing with Ponsonby, and began looking 
 out for him, but what must be the first 
 object to greet my eyes on entering the 
 room, but my lout of a partner at the 
 last ball. Mrs. Jones has no notion of 
 evading speaking to a person, nor, in*
 
 212 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 deed, had she, poor soul, an idea that 1 
 should wish it ; and having learnt that 
 his father is a topping tradesman at 
 Exeter, she gave me a vt^ink, as much as 
 to say, you had better set your cap at 
 him, and then simpered and nodded till 
 she had lured him to my side, and my 
 fate was decided. 
 
 You may imagine my eyes often wan- 
 dered in search of Ponsonby ; and just 
 before tea he came in with the Dormers 
 and a fashionable party who had arrived in 
 the morning from Bath. He was so en- 
 gaged with these ladies that when we 
 met, after tea was over, he only bowed 
 en passant. Of course I gave up all 
 hopes of dancing with him, and wished 
 to sit out, but could not escape an intro- 
 duction to a brother-officer of my part- 
 ner's ; so we stood up — a pretty contrast ; 
 for he was grinning from ear to ear like a 
 scaramouch, while my visage, in spite of
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 213 
 
 all my efforts to conceal mortification, 
 lengthened to an ell. I could not resist 
 being rather stately to him, and as his 
 little figure hopped and skipped about, 
 he must have looked as if he was danc- 
 ing round a May-pole. His dancing was 
 abominable ; his elbows and knees form- 
 ing right angles, as if he were describing 
 the alphabet by attitudes. If dancing 
 be the poetry of motion, his was down- 
 right doggerell. 
 
 Ponsonby, as I expected, stood up 
 with one of his party, who took care to 
 go to the top, though she had not danced 
 before ; the WTetch : but of all the balls 
 I ever was at, I never saw such pushing 
 for places ; several ladies came and stood 
 above me with all the coolness imagi- 
 nable: my spirits were not equal to 
 squabbling; but my partner's remarks 
 made me sick : he had a great mind, he 
 said, to speak to 'em, that he had ; for
 
 214 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 'twasn't fair : as to those, that took the 
 top of the dance, they were grandees he 
 supposed, and we had nothing to say to 
 them; but as for the others, he would 
 see me righted, that he would. I was 
 obliged to beg him to be content, for I 
 began to fear we should be like the lion 
 and the unicorn ajighting for the crown: 
 but I could not resist asking a saucy girl 
 who put herself above me, whether she 
 had been down the dance ; " No, 
 Ma'am," said she ; " :0 more have I ;" 
 was my answer ; which so far shamed 
 her, as to make her retreat to a few cou- 
 ples below: but I saw her presently 
 within three of the topi 
 
 Ponsonby's party did not stay late, 
 and after he had seen them to the car- 
 riage, (which I heard announced for Lady 
 Anne Dormer ;) he returned to the room, 
 and came up to us just as we were going, 
 whereupon my scaramouch obsequiously
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 215 
 
 took his leave ; thanked me for having 
 danced with him, and supposed he could 
 not be of diny further use. 
 
 After Mrs. Jones and I had accoutred 
 ourselves in our cloaks, &c. Ponsonby 
 handed me to — not to a carriage — not to 
 a chair; but to — the door! where not 
 even a servant and lanthorn waited for 
 us : so I had with burning cheeks to 
 laugh off our /oo^m^ it home, as it was 
 so very near, and so fine a night. Pon- 
 sonby accompanied us to our lodgings, 
 and as we knocked at the door, all that 
 horrid supper scene rushed into my 
 mind, and no doubt into his ; and if it 
 did not, Mrs. Jones took care it should, 
 by inviting him to walk in ; adding, she 
 believed she could promise him some- 
 thing a little more comfortable than the 
 last time. I thanked heaven he de- 
 clined : but Mrs. Jones observed when 
 he was gone, " 'tis very perverse of the 
 man ; but there, 'tis just like him. I
 
 216 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 can't think for my part what you can see 
 in him/' 
 
 " He is certainly quite the man of 
 fashion," said I. 
 
 ** Ah, well, give me a nice, pleasant, 
 good tempered young man ; worth a 
 hundred of your fine gentlemen." 
 
 I wished her good night, without giv- 
 ing her the most distant hope of coming 
 into her way of thinking. 
 
 What have I been at all this time ! 
 why, I have heard of a piece of news 
 that I can scarcely credit, and here have 
 I been bottling it up like green goose- 
 berries for Christmas : Harriet Villars is 
 njiarried ! it was reported to me at the 
 ball as a fact. What a sly thing ! but it 
 was a very sudden affair I find. Intro- 
 duction, courtship, proposal, and wed-
 
 YARIEtlES OF LIFE. 21? 
 
 ding all brought about since her arrival 
 at Cheltenham. You are a little curious, 
 perhaps, by this time, to know whom 
 she has deemed sufficiently '' amiable' 
 to deserve her hand : it is the elder bro- 
 ther of the Mr. Worthington, who was 
 at Swansea a short time ago. I was in 
 hopes of seeing her here before I left 
 Clifton, but the Joneses talk of return- 
 ing home : so stupid, just when one is 
 beginaing to make some acquaintance. 
 
 E. M. 
 
 I hope you have recollected to give 
 my swansdown tippet an airing, to secure 
 it against the villainous moths. 
 
 VOL. I, L
 
 218 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 Letter IX. 
 
 Swansea, August. 
 
 Your bottled gooseberries, my dear, 
 did not arrive quite so fresh as you 
 might wish. I had just heard the news 
 from Mary Vaughan. I can't account 
 for Harriet's not writing to one of us. 
 
 I hear the grandfather's pride stood out 
 tor some time, but on its being satisfac- 
 torily made out that Miss Villars's fa- 
 mily is a branch of the Fitzalberts, and 
 her mother great niece to an earl, his 
 consent was obtained: so she is now Mrs.
 
 VARIETIES GF LIFE, Sdg 
 
 Arthur Bolingbroke ; it sounds very well 
 I think. I hear the wedding clothes arc 
 delicious; how happy she must be; with 
 so much taste, and so well entitled to 
 indulge it. Fm told he's a very elegant 
 young man : quite one of Harriet's atnu 
 able interestino^ being's. 
 
 I feel quite naughty for being so bad 
 a correspondent: my mind, 'tis true, haa 
 been not a little perplexed ; but you are 
 on no account to take it into your head 
 that your letters are unseasonable, they 
 really do me a great deal of good, and I 
 read them over and over again, to divert 
 my thoughts from a subject on which I 
 cannot decide, with complete satisfaction 
 to myself. 
 
 Fairford and I have seriously talked 
 the matter over. I am sorry to find he 
 has very little besides his pay ; but he 
 
 L ^
 
 220 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 has good expectations from an uncle, 
 and if my father would afford us some 
 help, we are persuaded that, with eco- 
 nomy, we could manage very well ; and 
 I*m sure I would willingly make every 
 sacrifice in my power : but I feel certain 
 my father would not give his consent; 
 it must however be asked, and if, as we 
 have reason to expect, he gives us no 
 hopes of his ever approving the match, 
 Fairford thinks I should be perfectly jus- 
 tified in marrying him without. 
 
 This affair makes me quite ill: I can't 
 eat, through flurry of spirits. 
 
 Maria has received very distressing 
 accounts from home : her father's health 
 is far from mending, and he has lately 
 had something of a paralytic attack. 
 His circumstances, I apprehend, are 
 much straightened: one of the sons is
 
 VARIETIE50F LIFE. 221 
 
 gone to Carmarthen to be an assistant to 
 his brother, who is a hatter, I believe, 
 and is doing pretty well. 
 
 It has been suggested to Maria, I find, 
 that if she could hear of a situation as 
 governess, it would be very desirable. 
 Her accomplishments certainly well qua- 
 lify her, but I should fear her gentle 
 disposition would not command suffi- 
 cient authority. We have pressed her 
 to continue with us as long as is agree- 
 able, but she does not think it right to 
 stay so long from home, and is now only 
 waiting for some conveyance. 
 
 How abominable that leg of mutton 
 business was ! 
 
 We have gone out very little : only to 
 one dull evening party (at the Morgans), 
 and the ball, which was very near akin
 
 392 TAklETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 to the last, with this difference in my fa- 
 vour, Fairford wa:s there. Before he 
 came, that lout of a Bob Morgan drew 
 nearer and nearer, gaining, courage by 
 inches to ask me to dance ; but before 
 he could open his lips, I cut off his 
 hopes with, '-^ Thank'e Robert, Tm en^ 
 gaged."" The oaf grinned in my face, 
 '-' I was n't going to ask you, so yoii^ 
 need n't have been in such a hurry/' 
 I longed to box his ears. 
 
 Miss Davis, it seems, has quarrelled* 
 with her crony Lucy Cottle, and is try- 
 mg hard to scrape an intimacy with me : 
 but the minx is mistaken, if she thinks 
 Fm to be caught: by a pennyworth of 
 flattery. She makes a point of holding 
 out her hand to me whenever we meet, 
 and coaxingly calls me " Fanny." But 
 I've studied the thermometer of civility, 
 ^nd take care to " Miss Davis" her al^
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 223 
 
 most to freezing point : nevertheless 
 she'll hook herself on to my arm at the 
 ball, and hopes to come in for a slice of 
 my cast-off partners : but Til have her to 
 know, that's not the cloak-pin for her 
 trumpery to dangle on. 
 
 We dine to-morrow at the Vaughan's-: 
 a long postponed wedding-dinner to the 
 StapyltonSe 
 
 F. M. 
 
 Mr. Perkins has sent in a little note 
 for you £2. 8s. shall I pay it? the man 
 has called twice. 
 
 Saturday, 
 Every thing elegant as usual at tho
 
 224 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 Vaughans. What d^ye think appeared 
 with the dessert ? — Dick Pratten ! ! would 
 one think it possible; but he had a 
 message to my father, and the servant, I 
 suppose, persuaded the fool to walk in : 
 my father rose m confusion, and would 
 have hurried him out of the room, but 
 Dick thought proper to say, " Oh, I 
 nidn't disturb'e, Sir; I on'y just called 
 to know if those goods were to go, be- 
 cause,'* beginning to mumble, *' the 
 capt'n says, if they aren't put aboard to- 
 night, they can't go at all." 
 
 My father despatched him as soon as 
 possible, and I was consoling myself 
 that he must have passed for a clerk, 
 when the ourang-outang re-appeared with 
 a grin, " Oh, I forgot, here's a letter for 
 cousin Fanny, that I took up at the 
 post." Never was a letter from you so 
 unwelcome before. I did not venture 
 to look at the Stapyltons: — I know Mr.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 225 
 
 Dashwood drank off his wine to conceal 
 a smile. You may imagine what I felt : 
 my mother thinks she shall never un- 
 blush. 
 
 X,S
 
 ^96; VARIETIES OF LIFE; 
 
 Letter X, 
 
 Clifton^ August, 
 
 Oh, what a list of pride-wounding 
 miseries have I endured: to few, would 
 I confess so much; but to my dear 
 Fanny, who, I know, can so well judge 
 of my feelings, I will make a full dis- 
 closure. You may readily imagine, that 
 to such a man as Ponsonby I must na- 
 turally wish not to have our family let 
 down; now conceive my horrible suffer- 
 ings. Ponsonby and Mrs. Hudson, with 
 a friend of her's, an old Mrs. Brett, un- 
 fortunately clashed in a morning visit, 
 which hard rain protracted to a most dis-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIF£, 227 
 
 tressing length. This Mrs. Brett for- 
 merly lived at Swansea. 'I was there- 
 fore called upon to remember her ; she 
 was sure I must, she said; for she recol- 
 lected my being in company with her at 
 my aunt Pratten's. I affected total for- 
 getfulness: she had the advantage of me^ 
 I said; but her snuffy phiz was not to 
 be so soon forgotten — I remembered her 
 full well, and how we all laughed at her 
 losing at cards. " Well." she said^ 
 '' 'twas very strange :" then she thought 
 it requisite to make particular enquiries 
 after our good father and mother : only 
 miagine my sensations on her and Mrs. 
 Jones's entering largely into our family 
 concerns ; and the odious dialogue was 
 kept up with great spirit on both sides 
 to the following tune, while I sat listen- 
 ing with tortured feelings, like a quil 
 writhing on the fire. 
 
 " Why, Miss Meredith, you must be 
 the oldest of 'em all, I should think/'
 
 228 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 " Oh, no Ma'am," said Mrs. Jones ; 
 " there's Mr. William and Miss Fanny.'* 
 
 '' Well, then, my memory — Why, I 
 recollect Miss, when your father and 
 mother were married ; and a nice couple 
 they made, every body said ; and how 
 prudent they set out ; and how we all 
 admired them for it. Ah, and now, 
 you see, Mr. Meredith lives like a gen- 
 tleman ; and has brought up all his fa- 
 mily so well. Let me see — ah, your 
 eldest brother married Miss Price, the 
 apothecary's daughter." 
 
 *' And as ordinary a little body," cried 
 Mrs. Jones, *' as ever you set eyes on ; 
 "^twas plain he didn't marry for love 
 there; he had his p's and q's about him: 
 he looked to the main chance, as his 
 father used to say ; ah, and he sticks to 
 the business too. Then there's Ned, 
 he's the heaji of the family; he was go- 
 ing to be a linen-draper, but he got a
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 229 
 
 little too high-minded : after that he was 
 with Mr. Joe Rees, the attorney-man ; 
 then he wanted to go a sojering — and 
 that didn't do ; and now, I don't know 
 what'll be. Then Sam is rather rxiopy ; 
 but he's coming on a little. Then there's 
 Anne, you know ; a nice little board- 
 ing-school Miss. She's a pretty little 
 maid ; indeed, all the family are very 
 personable." 
 
 You may be sure I did all I could to 
 divert Ponsonby's attention from what 
 was going on, but as I could not stuiF 
 cotton in his ears, he must have heard 
 what Mrs. Brett thought proper to say of 
 you. 
 
 '' And so your sister Frances, thenj 
 ain't married yet? why I heard she was 
 going to be married a little time back : 
 let me see, who was it to ? Mr.— Mr.— 
 Mr. — law, bless me, Mr. — he that was
 
 230 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 churchwarden last time I was at Swan- 
 sea." 
 
 " Well, and ^twoiild have been a good 
 match for her/' said Mrs. Jones. 
 
 "Why, ami you Miss Eliza," conti- 
 nued old SHU fry, " were going to be mar- 
 ried once, I heard." 
 
 *' Dear Madam," said I, " pray be 
 kind enough to favour the company with 
 something more interesting than our fa- 
 mily concerns, it can be of little conse- 
 quence to — ." 
 
 I was interrupted by her odious pane* 
 gyrics. 
 
 " Ah, and your grandfather used to 
 live in the corner house there, by the 
 castle, where the grocer's shop is, with 
 the sign of the three crows : he was a
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 231 
 
 kind of haberdasher ; he sold all sorts of 
 things ; and a most respectable man he 
 was ; his word was as good as a bond ; 
 and there you may see his monument in 
 the church with a marble burn at top, 
 just by the christening fount, with these 
 pretty lines : 
 
 *' O loviiig wife and children dear^ 
 Shed not for nie another tear ; 
 For if we do not live in vain. 
 We all may hope to meet again. 
 Death would for me no longer wait. 
 So here I lie, aged sixty-eight." 
 
 This was a solemn time with me, Fan- 
 ny ; the uninterrupted attention they 
 paid to Mrs. Brett was excruciating; 
 and when she paused to take breath my 
 poor empty inside took a fancy to croak, 
 like a nest of young frogs : this was so 
 distressing-, that I was thankful when the 
 old chronicler proceeded, with the re- 
 mainder of the epitaph.
 
 952 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 " He was the affectionatest husband, 
 the tenderest father, the best of brothers, 
 and a sincere friend. He was upright 
 in his deahngs, unostentatious in his 
 charity, and ever ready to succour the 
 unfortunate. He served the office of 
 port-reeve for this town, with credit to 
 himself, and to the great satisfaction of 
 the pubhc.'' 
 
 It was evident, from her tone and 
 manner, that she conceived she was set- 
 ting off our family to the best advantage, 
 while I felt all the time as if she were 
 flaying me alive. 
 
 Ponsonby's call was to take leave, and 
 soon after Mrs. Brett's inimitable recita- 
 tion he took his departure, politely ex- 
 pressing a hope that we should meet 
 again; but as he is going into Devon- 
 shire, and I into Glamorganshire, we
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 233 
 
 shall literally turn our backs on each 
 other. 
 
 E. M. 
 
 I have just received a letter from Har- 
 riet, with an account o; the wedhng, 
 &c. she gives me hopes of s-i ing her at 
 Clifton : that would be delighttul ! I 
 might, in her company, appear with 
 some little ecJat ! but then every thing 
 goes so untoward: just as she talks of 
 coming, it^e taik of going; and Ponsonby, 
 the only person I feel very anxious 
 should see me in a more elevated point 
 of view leaves Clifton to-morrow, and 
 will probably never know anything more 
 of me than as the grand-daughter of the 
 haberdasher man who sold all sorts of 
 things at the sign of the three crows !
 
 2^34 VARIEXBES QF LLFE-, 
 
 Letter XL 
 
 Clifton^ September, 
 
 My last letter must have crossed your's 
 on the road: — while I think of it, you 
 are not to pay Perkins ; there is a mis- 
 take in the note, and he must wait till I 
 jreturn. 
 
 Very sincerely do I sympathize with 
 you, my dear Fanny, and enter into all 
 your feelings with regard to Fairford. I 
 have long perceived you have been too 
 much attached to him, to make any ad- 
 vice acceptable that tended to oppose 
 your union ; but I trust my dear sister
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 935 
 
 will do nothing precipitately. Perhaps 
 Fairford's good conduct, while he is in 
 our neighbourhood, may do something 
 towards obtaining my father's consent : 
 have a little patience, and probably he 
 may soon see things in a different 
 light. 
 
 If it were certain that Fairford would 
 come in for a handsome share of his un- 
 cle's property, my father could have no 
 objection in a pecuniary point of view; 
 but as the old Fairford has so many ne- 
 phews and nieces, and one of the 
 nephews being his declared favorite, (to 
 say nothing of i/our Fairford's having 
 offended him,) I should very much fear 
 his expectations from that quarter must 
 be very slender : then my father, having 
 so large a family, cannot, I apprehend, 
 give us much. I am aware that these 
 cold calculations must appear very piti- 
 fo-L, opposed to Fairford's generous dis^
 
 236 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 regard of wealth. He is, no doubt, the 
 best judge of his own resources, and 
 perhaps he may have in view some plan 
 for bettering his prospects, which some 
 assistance from my father might very 
 much promote. A little time may bring 
 all parties to a right understanding ; and 
 nothing, be assured, would give me so 
 much pleasure. Any thing I can do to 
 serve you, you may depend on. 
 
 Mrs. Jones made me hate her all last 
 Wednesday. I just mentioned to her, in 
 Ponsonby's hearing, in a careless man- 
 ner, that I had a letter from my brother, 
 who was staying at Sir Edwin Frere's; 
 *' Ah, so you told me,'* said she, " and 
 I must say, I am amazed that your fa- 
 ther and mother should countenance it. 
 For my part, I think it a thousand pities 
 a young man should keep company with 
 those so far above himi-rFm not for low 
 company, far from it: but Fd have every
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 237 
 
 body to keep to their own station. It 
 will quite unfit him for home, and for 
 any proper employment ; and he's of an 
 unsteady turn, too : Fm afraid he'll turn 
 out wild. Now, Sir, Fll appeal to you, 
 if 'tis n't a foolish thing for a young man 
 like Eddurd Meredith, to be visiting at 
 fine people's houses; getting high no- 
 tions; and then, when he comes home 
 again, he finds the difference, and per- 
 haps looks down upon his own family, 
 puffed up with pride and conceit, and 
 not fit for any thing. What good can it 
 answer ? for my part, I think it ridick' 
 lus,'* What a nasty temper she must 
 have been in. 
 
 Monday, 
 
 We have been very dull for these two 
 or three days : the Joneses have settled
 
 238 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 to leave this place next Friday, so you 
 may expect to see me by the end of the 
 week. 
 
 Wednesday, 
 
 Oh, what an extatic change for me ! 
 Harriet is arrived ! I like Mr. Arthur 
 Bolingbroke most amazingly : he is an ele- 
 gant figure, with a very fine countenance, 
 and such a gaiety of temper! just the 
 husband for Harriet; a handsome dash- 
 ing fellow. My dear, I feel an altered 
 creature; my head is all in a whirl. 
 They are at the hotel, and like Clifton 
 so much that they have taken a house in 
 the York Crescent for a month, at ten 
 guineas a week; and the dear creatures 
 are so provoked at the idea of my going 
 so soon, that they have both given me a 
 most pressing invitation to stay with
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 239 
 
 them. What could I say to this, but 
 consent? though I fear Mrs Jones may 
 take it amiss ; for with all her kind- 
 heartedness, she has such uncomfortable 
 ways ! and agrees to my staying, so un- 
 graciousl}^ " Oh, certainly, 'tis for you 
 to determine, you know. You are the 
 person it concerns most," &c. &c. shew- 
 ing, beyond a doubt, that she is not 
 pleased at the proposal. However, I 
 shall not stand upon fiddle faddle cere- 
 mony with her: they may go home with- 
 out me as soon as they chuse ; and '* joy 
 go with them," 1 was going to add, but 
 I doubt whether there will be any to 
 spare, so much will be left behind.
 
 ^40 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Letter XII. 
 
 Royal York Crescent, 
 
 I HAVE been so occupied the last 
 three or four days, that I have not had 
 time to devote a quarter of an hour to 
 writing. The Joneses went on Friday, and 
 I immediately transferred my happy self 
 from their poking lodging to this elegant 
 abode, and have ever since been out of 
 my wits with delight. Mr. Bolingbroke 
 has been at Clifton several times, and is 
 well acquainted with all the smart peo- 
 ple. My dear, I am moving in the 
 higher circles — time flies like wildfire —
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 241 
 
 every thing is so different to the Joneses 
 little ways. 
 
 Our mornings are spent In taking de- 
 lightful drives! can you imagine any 
 thing half so pleasant— open carriage, 
 elegant set-out — Bolingbroke driving his 
 four beautiful greys : you know he is 
 one of the whip club, I suppose ! then, 
 plans for evening parties ; return to dress 
 for dinner; sit down, a large party invited 
 that morning, to an elegant dinner at 
 seven o'clock, without Harriet's having 
 any thing more to do with it than one of 
 her company. Then the dresses she has! 
 every thing of mine looks paltry. Fve 
 been obliged to buy myself several new 
 things ; I shall want some money sadly; 
 tell my father he must advance me my 
 next quarter. Why Tudor, Harriet's 
 maid, goes more handsomely dressed than 
 I do. I have n't a moment to make up 
 any of my things myself: then, Tudor, 
 
 VOL, I. . M
 
 S42 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 when she sees me mending any thing, 
 is so civil, offering to do it for me ; but 
 I'm ashamed to let her see my things: 
 she wouldn't wear them,, if I was to 
 give 'em to her : she has a pearl brooch 
 — a very nice patent lace veil, and is 
 continually in silk stockings. 
 
 What d'ye think we did the other 
 night; after being at a smart dinner 
 party, we went for an hour to the ball, 
 picked out about twenty of the choice, 
 took them home to a tasty supper, and 
 danced afterwards till four o'clock. 
 
 My dear, I find I'm somebody ! peo- 
 ple that took no notice of me, with the 
 Joneses, can now pay me marked atten- 
 tion. Colonel Hartland too, who has 
 met me several times with Ponsonby, 
 but never thought fit to be introduced, 
 now thinks to worm himself into my 
 good graces ; and he is such a handsome
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 245 
 
 wretch, and so completely the fashion, 
 that it won't do for me to shew off any 
 airs ; so I e'en affect to be unconscious 
 of his former slight. 
 
 Harriet tells me, she and her aunt 
 Mrs. Daly, are not on terms. She is 
 married, I find, to some low fellow, and 
 is gone to Ireland with him. 
 
 Friday. 
 
 Only conceive my surprize, Ponsonby 
 is returned ! he met a brother of his at 
 Bath, who was coming to Clifton ; so he 
 changed his plans, and they came on 
 here together. 
 
 We dine to day at the Dormers, 
 where I shall probably meet him. He 
 seemed glad to find I was not gone, 
 
 M 3
 
 244 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 and introduced me to his brother, who 
 is very much like him, only not so 
 cheerful a countenance, but a most gen- 
 tlemenly looking man ; a leetle stately. 
 
 I'm obliged to let Tudor do so many 
 things for me that I used to do myself, 
 that 'tis quite troublesome ; but I begin 
 to get used to it : she is now putting on 
 a lace to a dress, Fm to dine in to-day 
 at the Dormers. What to give her, 
 when I go, w^ill be such a puzzle. 
 
 Saturday, 
 
 A very pleasant party : Mrs. Dormer is 
 a charming woman ; plays delightfully ; 
 Harriet and I sang some duets, and Pon- 
 sonby, who had never heard me before, 
 seemed much pleased: he has a very
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 24^5 
 
 fine voice, and joined us in The Coro- 
 nach, 
 
 The Dormers are in delio'htful lodo- 
 ings, and have every thing about them 
 ihat is elegant. 
 
 'Twas rather pleasant yesterday morn- 
 ing when I was walking out with Harriet 
 and the Tonsonbys, to meet the Vaugh- 
 ans, who came up and shook hands M^ith 
 me : when they passed, Ponsonby's 
 brother said, he knew some of the family 
 very well : it served to shew him, that 
 I had some genteel acquaintance: the 
 Vaughans are on their way to Bath. 
 
 E. M.
 
 946 VARIETIES OF LIPK 
 
 Letter XIIL 
 
 SwanseOf^Septemher^ 
 
 I FEEL a relief in writing to my dear 
 sister on a subject on which I need good 
 advice. Our attachment has been an- 
 nounced to my father in due form ; and 
 he has solemnly set his face against it. 
 Fairford, as you may suppose, is not a 
 little irritated at my father's treatment 
 of him ; for he told him flatly that he 
 had been clandestinely seeking my hand; 
 and almost turned him out of the house. 
 I quite feel for poor Fairford ; he is, I 
 do think, the best creature in the world ; 
 the sweetest temper : but he has a little
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 247 
 
 pride, and no doubt feels some resent- 
 ment towards my father, for receiving 
 the proposals of a man of some fa- 
 mily, and very virell connected, as an 
 affront. 
 
 I know not what to say to Fairford ; 
 he has again urged a private marriage ; 
 and he is so tenderly attached, I feel I 
 ought not to hesitate in becoming his 
 wife : then how are we to Hve ? — but if 
 he is satisfied with our humble means, 
 why should I murmur. — He talks so 
 enchantingly of love and a cottage, that 
 I almost despise myself for ever indulg- 
 ing those fond dreams of greatness which 
 we have so often pictured to our san- 
 guine hopes. May you, my dear sister, 
 find them realized ; and though an hum- 
 ble cottage shelters me, yet, blessed with 
 my beloved Fairford, I shall not re- 
 pine.
 
 248 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 I fear my father will not relent : what 
 shall I do — the regiment is ordered to 
 distant quarters ; and it may be a long, 
 a very long time, ere I see Fairford again: 
 "—do advise your ever affectionate 
 
 Frances Meredith, 
 
 Whatever the advice was that Eliza- 
 beth gave, her sister took the step that 
 was to colour her future life ; and she 
 became the wife of Wyndham Fairford. 
 
 Little did either of them know of 
 their own tempers ; still less of each 
 others'. To Fanny, Fairford appeared 
 every thing amiable ; while he, fancying 
 himself in love, and ever accustomed to 
 indulge inordinate self-will, had not be-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. :249 
 
 Stowed a thought on the consequences 
 that might ensue. 
 
 Fanny at first felt some uneasiness 
 and compunction at the step she had 
 taken ; but these feehngs were soon 
 worn away in the novelty of the scenes 
 in which she had now to appear. The 
 regiment was under orders for Chiches- 
 ter ; and after spending a week at South- 
 ampton, Fairford took his bride to join 
 his regiment. Here she excited much 
 admiration, and soon recovered her 
 spirits. 
 
 Elizabeth received the intelligence of 
 her sister's marriage with some surprize ; 
 for though she was pretty well aw^re 
 that Fanny's prudence would make but 
 a poor stand against the tender persua- 
 sions of her lover, yet she had no reason »> 
 to expect so sudden a decision. ( 
 
 m 5
 
 250 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Extraordinary things, however, sooh 
 cease to be considered as such ; and 
 after a few letters had passed between 
 the sisters on the subject of this marriage, 
 Elizabeth continued her correspondence 
 as if nothing had happened. 
 
 e
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 251 
 
 Letter XIV. 
 
 Clifton^ October, 
 
 MY DEAR FANNY, 
 
 I HAVE had an answer to the letter I 
 wrote my mother in your behalf, and 
 she says she has done and said every 
 thing in her power to bring my father to 
 a reconcihation ; but there is no hope of 
 it at present : I trust, however^ his re- 
 sentment will not be of long duration. 
 
 I find Maria Shirley is gone home; a 
 tnelaricholy return for her, 1 fear. I 
 feel very much forher: she is a sweet
 
 S52 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 girl, and deserves a better fate than to be 
 buried alive where she is gone. I really 
 do think it vrould have been a very de- 
 sirable match for her, if she could have 
 made up her mind to Mr. JollifFe. She 
 certainly has no dislike to Mr. Worth- 
 ington, but I trust she will not be so 
 foolish as to discourage all others for such 
 a forlorn hope. 
 
 My mother says, Mrs. Jones did not 
 in her heart, seem to be at all pleased at 
 my staying here : for as I had come with 
 her, she said, so I ought to have return- 
 ed with her ; and now that I was got 
 among a new set of people, she supposed 
 all the pleasure of the excursion which 
 she had given me, would all go for no- 
 thing! — Mammaassured her that it would 
 never be forgotten. " Ah, well," she 
 said, she hoped I should find it as plea- 
 sant as I seemed to expect, but thought 
 I might be disappointed ; for in hej
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 955 
 
 Opinion, a little sober enjoyment was 
 worth all the racketting in the world. 
 Thank ye, Ma am Jones^ but our ideas 
 are as wide apart as the poles ; so no 
 more oPyour sobriety for me: I am just 
 recovering the specimen you favoured 
 me with, and I have a shrewd notion a 
 little racketting is the only thing want- 
 ing to set me up. 
 
 We went to the play on Monday: 
 took a whole box ; and our dashing party 
 was more looked at than the actors. 
 We made a noisy exit in the middle of 
 the last act: — did we go quietly home to 
 our beds? — no; — 'twas only the begin- 
 ning of the evening with us! we altered 
 our dress, and away we drove to a pri- 
 vate ball, at Lady Belhnghurst's. Pon- 
 sonby danced with me twice in the 
 course of the evening. We had excel- 
 lent music ; sumptuous supper ; dancing 
 Jkept up till five o'clock, when an ele-
 
 354 VARIETtES OP LIFE. 
 
 gant breakfast detained us till past six. 
 Lady Bellinghurst is a most fascinating 
 woman : she talks of giving a masque- 
 rade. 
 
 We made a party to go down the 
 river the day before yesterday ; the Har- 
 ringtons, Lady Bellinghurst, and our- 
 selv'es, including the two Ponsonbys, 
 and a few select amiables in scarlet ; and 
 a delightful day we had : — the Dormers 
 were not of the party ; Lady Anne, it 
 seems, does not like meeting Lady Bel- 
 linghurst. Harriet says she is exqui- 
 sitely starchified. Two boats accom- 
 panied us, one with a military band, the 
 other with servants and a plentiful sup- 
 ply of prog. Nothing ever went off so 
 well. We landed at Portishead, and 
 found ourselves quite ready for an early 
 dinner: after which, was an elegant 
 dessert: delicious fruit, champagne, bur* 
 gundy, &c. &c. We rambled about the
 
 YARIETIES OF LIFE, 255 
 
 woods, while the band and servants were 
 regaling themselves, and having found a 
 pleasant spot for a dance, the music was 
 summoned, and played some beautiful 
 waltzes, which we all entered into with 
 great spirit. It was quite romantic I 
 assure 3^ou, and Lady Bellinghurst 
 thou2:ht the men could do no less than 
 fall in love with us: indeed, if nothing 
 is to be put down to the sociality of the 
 party, I should be almost tempted to 
 give myself credit for having made some 
 impression on Frederick Ponsonby : his 
 attentions are certainly particular ; but 
 considering how very small my preten- 
 sions are to a man of his family, my 
 pride will not suffer me to regard him in 
 any other light, than a most agreeable 
 acquaintance. We returned home about 
 eight, and attracted a great deal of notice 
 as we sailed up the river, under the 
 rocks at Clifton, singing glees, &c.
 
 5j5 varieties of life. 
 
 Louis Ponsonby improves upon ac- 
 quaintance ; I like him very much. 
 
 Tuesday, 
 
 We are going to the ball to-night ; 
 Harriet wears an exquisite white lace 
 dress over pink satin, while I, in an im- 
 maculate white sarcenet, have no inten- 
 tion of being overlooked. She is all life 
 and spirits, and never looked better. 
 Bolingbroke seems ver}^ fond of her, and 
 spares no expense to make her happy : 
 but if they go on at this rate, I fear they 
 will soon run out of her fortune, which I 
 find was not quite fifteen thousand 
 pounds. They are both, I must say, 
 shockingly extravagant : now, for all she 
 has such a complete stock of elegant and 
 costly things of every description, she 
 buys any new expensive article that
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 2o7 
 
 happens to strike her fancy, without a 
 moment's hesitation, or even asking the 
 price ; while I stand deliberating on the 
 expenditure of a pound, as if I had not 
 another in the world. The dear creature 
 has given me a pearl cross, and the 
 sweetest white lace veil ! 
 
 A new carriage is just arrived from 
 town, of the most novel construction ; 
 and w^e are so diverted at seeing the 
 people stop to wonder at it, and to ex- 
 amine the springs, &c. Harriet knows 
 the name of every part ; and / begin to 
 have some notion of patent axle-trees, 
 and so forth. Bolingbroke is a capital 
 whip; we fly like the wind, and twirl 
 a corner within a hair's breadth of our 
 lives. 
 
 We are full of engagements; continual 
 dinner parties ; which are conducted 
 here quite in the Stapylton style. We
 
 258 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 dine about seven, and Harriet and I 
 generally have some evening party to go 
 to, and leave the men to their claret. 
 
 Wednesdaif. 
 
 The ball was well attended ; and Pon- 
 sonby was more marked in his attentions 
 than ever. We are so often together, 
 and so constantly does he endeavour to 
 engross my conversation, that I am 
 tempted to flatter myself he does not 
 appear in our party by accident. I have 
 already been joked by Harriet about my 
 conquest. Perhaps your curiosity may 
 be raised to know something of the Pon- 
 sonby family : (the name is delightful !) 
 their seat is in Essex, and the family con- 
 sists of Mr. and Mrs. Ponsonby, the two 
 sons whom I have mentioned ; an elder 
 brother, who is in parliament, and is
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 269 
 
 married to a daughter of Sir Reginald de 
 Grey ; and five daughters ; two of whom 
 are married ; one to a gentleman of large 
 fortune in Hertfordshire: the other is 
 Lady Kingsbury. 
 
 To make amends for this short letter, 
 I enclose you one I received from Ed- 
 ward some time ago, which, as I have a 
 frank, will only cost you the trouble of 
 reading. 
 
 Your's ever, 
 
 E. M,
 
 260 VARIETIES OF LIFL 
 
 Letter XV. 
 Llandovelly Castle ^ September , 
 
 MY DEAR SISTER, 
 
 Though a letter from me, I flatter 
 myself is at all times acceptable, yet Fve 
 a notion, you will not like it the less, on 
 account of its being dated from the man- 
 sion of Sir Edwin Frere, Bart» Henry 
 Frere and I became such friends at Ten- 
 by, that he insisted on my paying him a 
 visit at this delightful place. The house 
 is modern, but having been built on the 
 site of an ancient fortress, it retains the 
 name of Llandovelly castle,which I think
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 261 
 
 injudicious, as it leads people to form an 
 erroneous idea of the place. There is an 
 extensive park, and the grounds are laid 
 out with much taste. The Freres live 
 in a first-rate style : they have a few 
 other friends at the house, and there are 
 several people of distinction in the 
 neighbourhood, so that we are in no 
 want of society, and I don^t know a 
 place where a young man of fortune 
 could pass his time more pleasantly ; but 
 though there is no kind of formality to- 
 lerated here, and every attention is paid 
 to me that good breeding can suggest, I 
 don^t feel myself quite at home. The 
 very high style in which these people 
 live, is, I must confess, rather oppres- 
 sive : it requires a great deal of self- 
 respect to overcome the want of equality, 
 and I cannot help now and then con- 
 struing civility into condescension. 
 
 Mr. Holford, who is at the house, was
 
 262 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 at the same college at Oxford with Henry 
 Frere, and two Mr. Leslies, who live 
 near us, were at Christ Church, and 
 when they all meet, the conversation 
 continually turns on college topics,which 
 leaves me out of the question ; for never 
 having put my foot in Oxford, I dare 
 not utter a word for fear of betraying the 
 truth. 
 
 Then I find I must be so much more 
 of a sportsman than Tve really any incli- 
 nation to be, that it's quite perplexing ; 
 for knowing nothing of the matter, and 
 not having divulged that I never fired a 
 gun in my life, they torture me with 
 questions, I don't know the meaning of. 
 I've as yet confessed nothing more than 
 that Tm a poor shot. 
 
 Fishing has been lately all the fashion 
 with them, which to me is an amuse- 
 ment, of all others, the most tiresome.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 263 
 
 I hate to sit forlorn for half the day on 
 the bank of a sedgy stream, while every 
 lout that passes by, thinks he has a right to 
 say, " any sport. Sir ?" and on returning 
 home, again to undergo the same inquiry, 
 and confess you have caught nothing, or 
 produce a tiny gudgeon or two, that you 
 would not have crossed the road for. 
 
 Then though I feel there is always a 
 horse at my service, it is not like having 
 one of my own. The young men who 
 visit here, have all their horses, and car- 
 riages of some sort or other; of course 
 talk a great deal about them, and fre- 
 quently address me as if I had several. 
 1 admired, one day, a horse of Charles 
 Leslie's, '' Do you like her,'* said he, 
 " she's a capital goer, and Til let you 
 have her a bargain.'' I felt awkward, for 
 the consciousness of my having no inten- 
 tion of buying the horse, (which I wish- 
 ed not to betray), made me feel quite at
 
 26i? VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 a loss what reply to make: a person to 
 whom it was a matter of indifference, 
 would have said yes or no without em- 
 barrassment, while I declined his oiFer, 
 blushing as if I had committed a crime. 
 I cannot get rid of blushing. 
 
 Then because my good looking person 
 appeats in a gentleman's clothes, (for 
 Fve had a suit from London), I can per- 
 ceive I excite a sensation among the 
 belles, as I come into the ball-room at 
 Llandovelly, arm in arm Avith Henry 
 Frere: of course my name is asked, 
 which tells no tales; but if further in- 
 quiry penetrates into family and fortune, 
 it's all over with me. 
 
 Soon after my coming here, I experi- 
 enced a most flattering reception from 
 some ladies to whom I was introduced 
 by Lady Frere, as a particular friend of 
 her son's; but at the next ball they ma-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. ^65 
 
 nifested evident signs of their having dis- 
 covered that I was a nobody ; and there- 
 fore seemed to think it necessary to con- 
 vert their good humoured familiarity into 
 freezing politeness, lest I should have 
 the temerity to ask them to dance. Not 
 that I cared whether they liked me or 
 not ; but it is not agreeable for other per- 
 sons to witness one's receiving a slight 
 of this kind. " 'Twas just like them;*' 
 Philip Leslie said. " So vert/ particu- 
 lar — .'* Then checking himself, he add- 
 ed, " Vm sure I can't imagine, what the 
 devil they meant/* 
 
 It is not, however, unamusing to ob- 
 serve the adoration paid by certain young 
 ladies to rank and riches; and Henry 
 Frere told me a capital hoax he played 
 off on some girls at Tenby. He was at 
 the ball ; and soon afterwards Lord j\Iey- 
 nell and Mr. Euston entered the room 
 
 VOL. I. N
 
 266 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 together: the latter a most elegant and 
 accomplished young man, but alas! only 
 a curate: Lord Meynell a man of mean 
 appearance, and of no very shining qua- 
 lities; what you'd call a poor creature. 
 Inquiries about them were immediately 
 made, and Henry Frere made a party of 
 ladies believe that his lordship was Mr. 
 Euston, and Mr. Euston Lord Meynell: 
 the consequence was, the latter was ex- 
 travagantly admired, while the imaginary 
 curate was loaded with abuse: all eyes 
 turned from so pitiful a figure, seeking 
 to engage the notice of the interesting 
 young peer. The mistake was presently 
 cleared up ; wonderments followed how 
 it arose. Henry attributed it entirely to 
 the ladies chasing that a lord should be 
 handsome, and wishing it so much, that 
 they would have it so. It took some 
 little time to overcome the disappoint- 
 ment, but before the evening was over,
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 267 
 
 the very girls, who had so despised and 
 even ridiculed " the pitiful looking fellow 
 of a curate^'* were seen dancing with 
 him with undisguised delight.; and all the 
 recommendation now bestowed on poor 
 Mr. Euston was, that he was a friend of 
 Lord Meynell's. 
 
 At Tenby, Henry and I used to take 
 excursions on the water continually; 
 there, I always took the lead; but here 
 there is no amusement of that kind, and 
 my consequence dwindles apace ; yet to 
 do Henry justice, he is uniformly atten- 
 tive and friendly: but I have not found 
 it so pleasant since a Mr. De Grey has 
 been here: one of your cool, sarcastic, 
 tempers; I know he's on the watch for 
 every little flaw, and takes delight in 
 seeing me embarrassed. I made a sad 
 blunder at Mr. Noel Drummond's, where 
 we dined ; conceivin'g I was desired to sit 
 N 2
 
 268 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 next Lady Frere, I thought I could not 
 shew my good breeding better than by 
 instantly obeying the summons. When 
 the mischief was done, I found myself 
 in the seat intended for Bishop Forster. 
 Nothing I could do, could undo this, so 
 I felt all dinner time like a fool in a chair 
 of state. I shall never forget De Grey^s 
 smile. I can't bear him. The other day 
 Charles Leslie offered me a bet, which I, 
 not having learnt to say " no" with a good 
 grace, inadvertently accepted ; had you 
 heard the clamour that w^as made, you 
 would have pitied me : they wondered 
 where my senses were, as I was sure to lose. 
 De Grey insisted on my being let off; 
 *' 'twould be a ridiculous take in," he 
 said; with a look and tone as if he thought 
 me a simpleton. Charles Leslie assured 
 me he should not think of my taking the 
 bet, leaving me the perplexing alterna- 
 tive of continuing the simpleton, or
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. *i69 
 
 running the risk of being thought a 
 sneaking fellow. I wished myself a 
 hundred miles off; but durst not leave 
 them together, for fear they should talk 
 me over. If De Grey was not going iti 
 a day or two, I should certainly shorten 
 my visit ; but as it is, I shall probably 
 stay here about a fortnight longer, and 
 then return home, where perhaps yoU 
 will be by that time ; however, whether 
 at home or abroad, 
 
 I am, 
 
 Your's affectionately, 
 
 Edward Meredith. 
 
 To-morrow we are all going out shoot- 
 ing ; — prepare yourself for reading in the 
 newspapers, " that a young gentleman^ 
 in company with the only son of Sir
 
 270 VARIETIES OF LIFE 
 
 Edwin Frere, JBart. by misadventure in 
 Jiring his fowling-piece^ shot his friend 
 through the hearty and is since running 
 about the country stark mad,'^
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. ^71 
 
 Letter XVI. 
 
 Chichester^ October, 
 
 My dear Elizabeth, 
 
 I AM quite ashamed to have been so 
 long without writing, but my engage- 
 ments have been innumerable. I hope, 
 however, you got the last letter I wrote 
 you from Southampton. I wrote my 
 mother by the same post. 
 
 I suppose you will expect to have 
 some account of the new life I am lead- 
 ing, and a most delightful one it is; and 
 you and I, who had so lately to compare
 
 ^7^ VARIETIES OP LIFE. 
 
 notes of vexation and dulness, now seem 
 to vie with each other in gaiety. • 
 
 Fairford is so kind and attentive, he 
 anticipates every wish; and the society I 
 am in is so agreeable, that if you were 
 uot so pleasantly situated, I should per- 
 suade you to come and lose your heart to 
 some of the smart beaux by whom I am 
 surrounded. I am on an intimate foot- 
 ing with Mrs. Follett, the Lieut.-Colo- 
 nel's lady, and a nK>st charming woman ; 
 she is a daughter of General Pember- 
 ton : in consequence of her introduction, 
 some very genteel families have called 
 on me. 
 
 We made a large party to a ball at 
 Arundel last week, where, as a bride, I 
 was complimented with the top-place, 
 and led off with Major Osborne, a very 
 pleasant dashing man. He drove me 
 yesterday in his tandem to a Roman en"
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 273 
 
 campment, by way of something to see: 
 we were a large party ; Mr. Brathwayte 
 and Captain Bingham went with us, and 
 Miss Pemberton, Mrs. Follett's sister. 
 
 There was not much to see I thought, 
 but we contrived to amuse ourselves by 
 stopping at a neat little cottage, where 
 we insisted on having some tea. This 
 created no little confusion, as the men 
 would on no account suffer the old avo- 
 man of the house to do any thing herself; 
 they put the kettle on the fire, and be* 
 gan rummaging her cupboards for every 
 thing they wanted ; then went into her. 
 dairy, and brought out all the butter and 
 cream, greatly to the annoyance of our 
 little hostess. Our tea-drinking was the 
 most diverting sight imaginable; one 
 continual roar of laughter; and the incli- 
 nation for frolic increasing, they began 
 demolishing cups, saucers, chairs, tableSj 
 and every thing they could lay their 
 N 6
 
 37^ VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 hands on, and then proposed making a 
 bonfire of the house ; the woman all the 
 while vehemently protesting against such 
 outrage, and at length dropt on her 
 knees, entreating them to spare her. I 
 must say they carried the joke a little too 
 far ; but they gave her money enough to 
 pay for the damage twice over. 
 
 I mustn't forget the races about a 
 week ago, which was the gayest scene I 
 ever witnessed. Mrs. Foliett took me in 
 her barouche, and I wore my white satin 
 spencer. There were a great many hand- 
 some elegant women on the ground, and 
 smart men innumerable. I was intro- 
 duced to Sir Francis Wynyard: and who 
 should I see but Mr. Dashwood; he was 
 on horseback, and came up to the ba- 
 rouche to speak to me: 'twas pleasant 
 enough for him to see me with Mrs. Fol- 
 iett, he was at the ball in the evening, 
 and asked me to dance, but I was en-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 275 
 
 gaged to Sir F. Wynyard. I couldn't 
 help thinking of our Swansea balls, 
 where I would have given my eyes to 
 have danced with him. I shall never 
 forget the impertinence of Mr. Torrens, 
 after standing talking to me for some 
 time at that party at the Vaughan's last 
 year, drawling out, " Why don't you 
 dance to-night ?" I would wilhngly have 
 paid a man for knocking him down : 
 however, that's all over now ; I've no 
 longer the dread of Dick Pratten's, 
 *' Well, if you don't get a better partner, 
 / shall be happy to dance with'e; or 
 odious Davy Jenkins sidling up, and 
 never taking an answer, but going on, 
 trying " for the two, after the two next ;" 
 and so on, wearing one to a thread paper 
 — here it's a different affair; I've more 
 partners than I know what to do with, as 
 most of our officers engage me before- 
 hand, and I've only to manoeuvre to se- 
 cure the best.
 
 276 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Last Thursday I was at a most ele- 
 gant ball at Mrs. (Gen.) Barker's. I wore 
 a very pretty French silk that Fairford 
 gave me, and he has made me a present 
 of a brooch, something like the one we 
 admired on Miss Stapylton. I danced 
 after supper with LordDonovon: he is 
 in the light dragoons, and introduced se- 
 veral of the officers tome. They are going 
 to give a gay ball at their barracks, which 
 I expect will be every thing delightful ; 
 they are ornamenting the rooms, and 
 making great preparations. 
 
 Brathwayte wants me to ride a horse 
 of his, which, he says, is just the thing 
 for a lady; but as Fve no habit, I pre- 
 tended I was too great a coward to ven~ 
 t\ire, which is perhaps as well; for if I 
 expressed a wish to ride, Fairford would, 
 I believe, be extravagant enough to pur- 
 chase a horse for me.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. %[! 
 
 I am very glad you like your quarters 
 so well, you seem to have a gay time of 
 it. I often wish for you at some of our 
 parties: you would enjoy our sudden 
 freaks — flying off to a ball eighteen miles 
 distant, and coming home by daylight to 
 a merry breakfast. Every day produces 
 some new amusement, and we are always 
 planning how to kill time in the most 
 agreeable manner: then the band, which 
 is a very good one, plays every evening, 
 so that the promenade is thronged with 
 fashionables. The light dragoons are a 
 great addition, though some of Fairford's 
 regiment are very dashing men, and would 
 be quite Harriet's adorables. Captain 
 Amherst says he saw her at Cheltenham 
 with Mrs. Daly last year, and admired 
 her extremely. 
 
 We have pretty lodgings, very plea- 
 santly situated; last night Colonel and 
 Mrs. FoUett spent the evening with u«^
 
 278 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 and we gave a genteel slight supper, and 
 had a very merry noisy evening. Miss 
 Pemberton and I sang several duets, and 
 Brathwayte gave us some of his comic 
 songs, and mimicked some of the actors, 
 which he does admirably. Capt. and Mrs. 
 GifFord were of the party : he is an im- 
 mense red-faced man ; it would be a good 
 quarter of a mile to walk round him ; 
 she is a little spare quizzical looking 
 dame, with a face like whity-brown pa- 
 per, but was literally worth her weight 
 in gold. Imagine them sitting opposite 
 each other at supper, and singing an an- 
 cient duet in the tones of the blind fid- 
 dler and his wife, that used to go about 
 the streets of Swansea : it was impossi- 
 ble to keep one's countenance ; especially 
 to see the grimaces some of the men 
 made; one or two of them burst into 
 audible laughter. I was afraid old Gif- 
 ford would have noticed it, but he is a 
 good-natured creature, and is often mad«
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 279 
 
 butt of without minding it. He after- 
 wards favoured us with a derry-down, 
 extending to about a hundred and fifty 
 verses. Arbuthnot affected to be fast 
 asleep at the other end of the table, and 
 tied ii handkerchief round his head by 
 way of a night cap. 
 
 We are going to the Folletts to-night, 
 in the same free way. 
 
 I am afraid Edward is makinsr a fool of 
 himself: I wish he was settled. I find 
 he is gone to Tenby again, to renew his 
 attack, I suppose, on the lady with the 
 twenty thousand pounds. 
 
 Let me hear from you soon, and give 
 my love to Harriet. 
 
 Brathwayte will take this to Petworth, 
 and get it franked by Col. Lyons; so you 
 ^ee / can get franks as well as you. 
 
 F. Fairford.
 
 280 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 28 ^/i October. 
 
 It was not my intention that you 
 should be so long deprived of this preci- 
 ous morceau ; however, I shall now be 
 able to give you some account of the dear 
 ball, for in the middle of supper, Brath- 
 wayte produced from his pocket my poor 
 letter, which had been in snug quarters 
 there ever since the 20th, somewhat the 
 worse for wear, and rather snuffy^ as you 
 may perceive : however, he rode over 
 this morning with the frank. 
 
 The ball was delightful ; opened by 
 Lord Donovon and the honourable Mrs. 
 Lyons (vv'ife of the colonel of the regi- 
 ment). She is an excellent dancer, and 
 waltzed after supper. I danced a great 
 deal, and had a very pleasant evening. 
 There was a most elegant supper, and we 
 kept it up till daylight.
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE 281 
 
 I must leave off now, as Fairford is 
 come to take me with a party to see the 
 conjurer 
 
 F. F.
 
 SS5 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Letter XVII. 
 
 Clifton^ Monday, 
 
 Many thanks, my dear Fanny, for 
 your entertaining letter: I fear I shall 
 make but a poor return ; for though 
 there has been no lack of gaiety here, 
 yet it all gives place to more important 
 consideration. 
 
 Frederick's attentions must certainly 
 mean something more than the passing 
 gallantry of the moment : in short, I 
 have no doubt of his attachment : his 
 brother has left Clifton, and there ap- 
 pears to be no reason for his staying,
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 283 
 
 unless it is his wish to pursue his atten- 
 tions where my heart would give a ready 
 welcome : but I cannot believe, I can 
 ever be so fortunate as to be placed in 
 that delightful sphere, which we have 
 both sketched with so much rapture. 
 There are, however, some drawbacks : 
 the estate of course goes to the eldest 
 son ; Frederick has little independently 
 of his father. He has been rather fickle 
 in his plans, but is now studying the 
 law, which I never should have guessed, 
 and only heard yesterday by mere acci- 
 dent. I fancy he does little more than 
 what is called keeping his terms. 
 
 Thursday, 
 
 What I scarcely dared to hope has ac- 
 tually happened. Frederick has made
 
 i>84' VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 me an offer :• — and now I am so afraid 
 that fathers and mothers wilt put their 
 wise heads together to break off the 
 match, that I can't sit still a moment, 
 and feel, very much as you did, when 
 you couldn't eat : he has written to his 
 father, and an answer is daily expected, 
 which keeps me in such a state of sus- 
 pense, it'^s absolutely torture — I don't at 
 ail expect that they will approve of the 
 match, yet I cannot give up all hope, 
 and when for a moment or two some- 
 thing diverts the subject from my 
 thoughts, it returns with such a bolt 
 upon me, that my heart seems turned 
 inside out. 
 
 I have by this post written to my 
 mother, to acquaint her with what has 
 passed : all this seems like a dream ; I 
 can hardly believe it true. 
 
 E. M,
 
 VARIETIES OP LIFE. 98*5 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Ponsonby had suffered 
 much uneasiness on account of Fre- 
 derick's character : the changeableness 
 of his pursuits, and an aptitude he had 
 shewn to fall in love, had been a con- 
 stant source of alarm. He had more 
 than once terrified them with the pro- 
 spect of his forming a very low con- 
 nexion, but never, until the present oc- 
 casion, had his partiality assumed so 
 decided an appearance of his being in 
 earnest, nor had the subject ever come 
 so seriously before them. They knew 
 he was not of a temper to be trifled 
 with ; and as they were far from disap- 
 proving, without knowing something 
 more of his choice, Mr. Ponsonby wrote 
 to a friend of his in Glamorganshire, re- 
 questing him to make enquiries respect- 
 ing Mr. Meredith's family, &c. 
 
 The Miss Merediths had gained the 
 reputation of being beautiful and accom-
 
 386 TARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 plished young women ; Mr. Meredith 
 was spoken of as a man of great respec- 
 tability, and this account was forwarded 
 to Mr. Ponsonby. 
 
 In the meantime, Louis Ponsonby ar- 
 rived at Woodsbourne, and spoke in high 
 terms of Ehzabeth, so that Mr. and Mrs. 
 Ponsonby began to view their son's mar- 
 riage with abated uneasiness : they even 
 endeavoured to extract some advantage 
 from it ; and indulged a hope that by mar- 
 rying, his habits would acquire a steadi- 
 ness, which was all they considered 
 wanting to second his naturally good 
 abilities, in the profession to which he 
 had at length made up his mind. 
 
 Mr. Ponsonby 's letter to Frederick 
 was penned with much judgment: he 
 complimented his son on his good sense ; 
 was satisfied his choice must be such as 
 would' give them all much pleasure, and
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 987 
 
 that it was not made without serious re- 
 flection : without charging his son with 
 instability, he represented the necessity- 
 there would be for his giving that atten- 
 tion to his profession, which was requi- 
 site to its proving hicrative, which was 
 a point not to be overlooked, as it was 
 not in his power to grant him an inde- 
 pendence. 
 
 Frederick, who was thoroughly in love, 
 hastened to communicate the purport of 
 4:his letter to Elizabeth, and wrote to Mr. 
 Meredith for his approbation. 
 
 Elizabeth was the happiest of women : 
 she had a real regard for Frederick, and 
 the height of her ambition was gratified 
 in marrying a man of family, and in 
 being placed in a decided circle of fa- 
 shion. 
 
 Mrs. Bolingbroke participated in her
 
 388 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 friend's prospect of happiness, and they 
 talked of nothing but wedding clothes, 
 new fashions and equipage, from the 
 time Mr. Ponsonby's consent had been 
 communicated, to the day Elizabeth left 
 Clifton for Swansea, The Bolingbrokes 
 accompanied her to the New Passage, 
 where Mr. Meredith met her, and it 
 was settled that Frederick should first 
 pay his father a visit, and then fly to re- 
 ceive his bride.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 289 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 Elizabeth Meredith returned 
 home, her heart swelling with a con- 
 sciousness of the importance which the 
 prospect of her nianiage would give her 
 among her acquaintance ; and as Pon- 
 sonby was very soon expected, she and 
 her mother busied themselves in setting 
 off the house to the best advantage. The 
 drawing-room it was determined should 
 be used every day; also the best chiua, 
 and a variety of other arrangements were 
 made to give him a favourable idea of 
 their style of living. 
 
 VOL. I. o
 
 ^90 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 The wedding clothes too, now claim» 
 ed no small share of attention, and with 
 so recent a precedent still present to her 
 imagination, Elizabeth could scarcely be 
 contented with any thing short of a 
 wardrobe similar to Mrs. Arthur Boling- 
 broke's. 
 
 Ponsonby arrived sooner than he was 
 expected, and of course met with a very 
 gracious reception from Mr. and Mrs. 
 Meredith ; the youngest son and daugh- 
 ter were all that were at home, besides 
 Elizabeth, and they were on their good 
 behaviour. The next day the married 
 brother and his wife were introduced: 
 they were both well-bred in their man- 
 ners, and Elizabeth felt there was no- 
 thing Ponsonby had as yet seen in her 
 family, for her to be ashamed of. It 
 afforded her no little gratification to 
 appear on the public walk accompanied 
 by Ponsonby ; but it was vexing that
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 291 
 
 the Vaughans and Stapyltons were at 
 this, time absent, and she suffered per- 
 petual mortifications at his having to 
 ^ee the odd-looking people she was 
 obliged to bow to. She luckily escaped 
 meeting her cousins ; but lest any acci- 
 dent should bring them face to face, she 
 thought it best to prepare Fonsonby for 
 such a rencontre, and therefore hinted, 
 that unfortunately there were a few, 
 rather distant relations of her father's, 
 living in Swansea ; " disagreeable peo- 
 ple," she said, " but we have very little 
 to do with them, and you may very pro- 
 bably not see them/' It had indeed 
 been settled between Elizabeth and her 
 mother, that the Prattens and Dowlings 
 were to be kept entirely out of sight ; 
 but Mrs. Pratten had decided it other- 
 wise ; and burning with curiosity to ob- 
 tain a sight of Elizabeth's intended^ she 
 and Rebecca Dowling paid an unwel- 
 come visit in the afternoon to Mrs. 
 o 2
 
 $1)2 VARIETIES OF I.TFE. 
 
 Meredith, who was so provoked, that 
 she scarcely spoke civilly to them, and 
 had no intention of introducing them to 
 Ponsonby. Mr. Meredith, however, 
 took upon him to perform this ceremony, 
 and as Mrs. Pratten and Mr. Dowling 
 were his first cousins, he thought it 
 proper to add that the ladies were rela- 
 tions of his. 
 
 Ponsonby bowed to them. ' 
 
 Mrs. Pratten appeared in high spirits, 
 and assured him she was very glad to 
 S€e him in Swansea, with a look and 
 voice, evidently referring to the occasion 
 of his coming. 
 
 Rebecca ventured to enquire whether 
 he had ever been there before, and find- 
 lie had not, she began mentioning some 
 1»laces he oua^ht to see.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 293 
 
 *' Oh, never you trouble your head 
 about that/' said Mrs. Pratten, with a 
 simper ; '' he has enough to amuse him 
 just now I fancy, without rambhng about 
 to see sights." 
 
 Ponsonby, to prevent a continuance 
 of an allusion, which he perceived dis- 
 tressed Elizabeth, remarked, that the 
 country had very much interested him, 
 and he should be glad to have an oppor- 
 tunity of seeing more of it. 
 
 '' Oh, well, if that's the case Sir, I 
 don't know where you'd be better off ; 
 for Betsey Meredith knows all the fine 
 people hereabouts : 'tis a pity your bro- 
 ther Ned isn't here Betsey, .he would 
 iiave been a nice companion for Mr. 
 Ponsonby to ride out with, and to shew 
 him about ; but my sons, I'm sure, will 
 be very happy. Sir, to offer their services ;
 
 294 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 only 'tis a very busy time with them 
 just now, and Tm afraid they can't be 
 very well spared ; however, we'll see 
 about it, I expect them here, by and by, 
 to see us home/' 
 
 '' There will be no occasion," replied 
 Mrs. Meredith, " for the Mr. Prattens 
 to put themselves to any inconvenience, 
 Mr. Meredith will accompany Mr. Pon- 
 
 cnnmr 
 
 Some inquiry on an indifferent sub- 
 ject, then, passing between Mrs. Pratten 
 and Mrs. Meredith, Elizabeth endea- 
 voured to put a stop to any further 
 conversation between Ponsonby and 
 Mrs. Pratten. She would willingly 
 have taken him out of hearing, had 
 the dimensions of the room permitted 
 it, but where they stood, Mrs. Pratten's 
 whispers to Mrs. Meredith were cruelly 
 audible.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 295 
 
 ." 'Tis to take place very soon, I sup- 
 pose — 1 like him very much; he seems 
 to be a very nice genteel young man." 
 
 All this reached Ponsonby, besides 
 the comforting assurance from Rebecca, 
 that he was " quite the gentleman.'* ■ 
 
 " But bless us !" cried Mrs. Pratten, 
 " I don't see any signs of tea ; and it'^s 
 past «eveii ; 1 thought I should have 
 just nickt it ; I hope 'tisn't over ?" 
 
 " Oh, no/' said Mrs. Meredith cooly, 
 " we don't drink tea till eight." 
 
 " Hoity, toity ! why then youVe 
 altered your hours finely ; it used to be 
 at six o'clock ; then 'twas at half past, 
 and now we're come to eight ! why 
 where'll it end ?" said she laughing. 
 
 " We must, you know Mrs. Pratten/*
 
 29(y VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 said Mr. Meredith, " conform a little 
 to fashion in these times/^ 
 
 '' Oh, certainly—Well, Betsey, your 
 excursion turned out very pleasant, eh ? 
 ah, I told Mrs. Jenes, when she cam® 
 back without you, I thought there was 
 something in it — and 'tis droll enough,'* 
 continued she, addressing herself to Mr. 
 Meredith, " 'twas at Bristol, you know, 
 I got 7nine — dear me, to think how time 
 runs on — that's five and .twenty year 
 ago : have you many friends in Bristol, 
 Mr. Ponsonby ?", 
 
 " No Ma'am; I wa^ at Clifton." 
 
 '« Oh, well. Sir, that's almost the 
 same, for I'am told the buildings are in- 
 creased so, 'tis amazing ! but I suppose 
 you went to see the glass-houses, and 
 Rackly church — that's you know, where 
 Cbatterton, that was such a wonderful
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. ^97 
 
 genius, you know, found the curious 
 poems — there's the very boxes to be 
 seen there now, in a dismal odd sort of 
 room to be sure; — but ^tis a very fine 
 old church : I was at a friend's very near 
 it on Rackly Parade, a few years ago, a 
 very nice house — three windows in 
 front/^ 
 
 ^' Ah, that Chatterton," said Pon- 
 sonby, " has excited a great deal of 
 controversy, among the antiquarians ; 
 and I believe the point is not very well 
 cleared up^ — but most likely, he found 
 some part and forged the remainder — 
 pray which side of the question do you> 
 espouse, Mrs^. Pratten ?" 
 
 '' Why, indeed. Sir," said that lady, 
 
 evidently not understanding the subject, 
 
 '' I hardly know what to think ; he eer- 
 
 taialy must have been a very clever. 
 
 O 5.
 
 298 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 young man; and Fve heard people there 
 say, they had seen him ! 1" 
 
 " Oh, that might very well be the 
 case ;" observed Mrs. Meredith. 
 
 " True,^' returned Mrs. Pratten, "but 
 ^tisn't every one can boast of seeing such 
 great characters.'' 
 
 " He was a singular character," said 
 Mrs. Meredith. 
 
 '* Well, I don't know what you think 
 of him,'' cried Mrs. Pratten, " but I'm 
 sure when I was at Mrs. Baker's, they 
 talked of nothing else for a whole even- 
 ing ; and I'm sure they all seemed to 
 think him a very fine poet : there was 
 Mr. Jackson there, a very clever man, 
 perhaps you may know him Mr. Pon- 
 sonby, for I hear he lives at Clifton now, 
 and has quite left off business."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 299 
 
 Mr. Ponsonby said, he knew but few 
 of the residents. 
 
 "Well, you cared little for that I 
 suppose, as you met with such agree- 
 able chance acquaintance, eh ?" 
 
 In spite of Mrs. Meredith's endea- 
 vours to avoid every topic which might 
 afford an allusion to her daughter's en- 
 gagement to Ponsonby, Mrs. Pratten 
 was ingenious enough to bring the sub- 
 ject continually in view ; and taking the 
 opportunity of Mr. Meredith's leaving 
 the room, she ifiquired in an under- 
 tone, but with a good deal of earnest- 
 ness, after Mrs; Fairford, evidently be- 
 traying that it was a forbidden subject; 
 and as Ponsonby had heard nothing 
 further pf the affair, than that Miss 
 Meredith had been lately married to a 
 Captain Fairford, he could not accou»J
 
 300 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 for the air of mystery which accom- 
 panied Mrs. Pratten's inquiries. 
 
 A knock at the door having an- 
 nounced Mrs. Pratten's sons, they were 
 now heard whispering and sniggering on 
 the stairs. 
 
 "Law, ii p^^ rlon'^t like to come in,*' 
 
 cried Mrs. a . , Is that you, 
 
 Dick ? Come in, , you afraid 
 of?" 
 
 They entered ; two slovenly gawkies, 
 about eighteen and nineteen, dressed in 
 the extreme of an exploded fashion ; the 
 eldest seemed to have been pushed in 
 by his brother; both appeared over- 
 whelmed with confusion, and not know- 
 ing what they said, they came up to 
 Ponsonby, and with an uncouth griiT, 
 /wished him joy.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 301 
 
 Mrs. Meredith tried to relieve the 
 awkwardness that seemed to prevail, 
 and hoped the young men had found the 
 ball pleasant the other night. 
 
 Yes, they said, 'twas very well, only 
 not many of their acquaintance there ; 
 but 'twas a very smart ball though. 
 
 " Oh, I don't know what the balls 
 will do without Betsey Meredith," cried 
 INIrs. Pratten. '* I do assure you Mr. 
 Ponsonby, you're going to take away- 
 one of our choice belles." 
 
 Ponsonby could do no less than ap- 
 pear gratified, and politely insinuated, 
 that there would be no want of beauty 
 at the assemblies where Miss Dowling 
 appeared. 
 
 " You're very complaisant. Sir; Becky 
 has her share ; but she don't pretend to
 
 302 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 come up to her cousin. Oh, now 
 about taking Mr. Ponsonby to see Brit- 
 ton Ferry and the Mumbles; I c^are 
 say Dick, you could be spared for a day, 
 and you could borrow that horse you 
 know that John Brown had ;"' and then, 
 without waiting for Ponsonby's assent to 
 their plans, a sort of conference passed 
 between Mrs. Pratten and her sons, as to 
 the best place for procuring a similar ac- 
 commodation for Ponsonby, which Mrs. 
 Meredith interrupted by intimating that 
 Mr. Ponsonby had his curricle. 
 
 " Oh, then to be sure, that alters the 
 case ; why then they could go in it toge- 
 ther, couldn't they ? but then, perhaps, 
 he'd rather have Betsey, eh ? and Dick 
 could follow on horseback." 
 
 " I believe it had better be deferred," 
 said Mrs. Meredith; '• there will be 
 other opportunities."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 303 
 
 " True ; yes to be sure/' returned 
 Mrs. Pratten winking; " there's no 
 hurry certainly ; he'll be coming here 
 often, I hope : the oftener the better. 
 Dear me! I think I hear pattens : did 
 you bring umbrellas with you? what 
 sort of evening is it ?" 
 
 " Oh, I don't know," said Dick Prat- 
 ten; "it doesn't rain; nothing to sig- 
 nify." 
 
 " It just spits," added his brother. 
 
 " Law, hless me, Jem, where have 
 you been to get such a coat as that ; the 
 back of it is all over chalk, or some- 
 'at." 
 
 "Oh, I suppose, 'twas m the ware- 
 house, against the casks." 
 
 You ought both of you to have gone
 
 804 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 home, and made yourselves a little de- 
 cent. 1 do like to see young men clean 
 and tidy; they can't look like gentlefolks 
 if they aren't: it's what I'm continually 
 telling them of. I'm sure, if you couldn't 
 make yourselves look a little better than 
 you do this evening, I shouldn't have 
 thought of proposing for you to ride out 
 with Mr. Ponsonby: such figures as you 
 are ; why, you aren't fit to be seen; yow 
 aren't, indeed." 
 
 " We thought we should be toa 
 late." 
 
 " Nonsense.'* 
 
 Mr. Meredith having returned to the 
 room, some conversation relative to bu- 
 siness was now carried on between him 
 and Dick Pratten, in language so laconic 
 and technical as to be wholly unintelli- 
 ble to the rest of the party. Most of
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. '306 
 
 what they said was in an under-voice : 
 the following broken sentences were dis- 
 tinguished. " So, I find the Endeavourj 
 Tucker, is cleared out; were those crates 
 in time ?" '' Which uns ?" " E. diamond 
 L. and G. crowfoot II M.'* '' Oh, iss 
 sure, and we got the drawback allowed.'' 
 *' Is she covered? what w^as she done at:'* 
 ** Two and a half; 1 told him it couldn't 
 be done under.'* 
 
 Mrs. Pratten interrupted them with, 
 '* Well, if it don't rain, I'll wish 3^ou a 
 good night, good people all : fetch my 
 shawl, Dick ; good folks are scarce." 
 
 The next day Elizabeth had a visit 
 from Mrs. Jones, who told her she had 
 met Mr. Ponsonby that morning. 
 
 " Only think," cried Mrs. Jones, '' of 
 his popping upon me just as I was com- 
 ing from mayket. I w^asn't dressed as I
 
 306 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 could have wished ; and the girl was be- 
 hind me with the meat; and then, who 
 should come up but Miss Owen, gig- 
 gling and telling me I had a hole in my 
 stocking ; so unpleasant, and so vulgar, 
 I thought: and there she walked on with 
 us, and began talking to Mr. Ponsonby; 
 so odd, for I never introduced her : I 
 shouldn^t have thought of such a thing. 
 Then she made out as if she was very 
 intimate with you, and that you had laid 
 a wager which should be married first ; 
 and so she said, as she found she was 
 like to lose her wager, she expected to 
 have a bit of wedding-cake to dream 
 upon ; so forward ! I was quite disgust- 
 ed with her: I can't bear any thing like 
 boldness ; I'm very particular in that 
 respect : and what I always admired in 
 you Lizzy, was, that with all your 
 gaiety there was never an}^ mixture of 
 low-bred ways, nothing forward ; now I 
 can't but say I admired your behaviour
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 307 
 
 that night at the Clifton ball, when you 
 danced with that officer, you know: 
 why there's many a girl would have 
 jumped at a red coat; but I noticed to 
 Mr. Jones how properly you behaved ; 
 you shewed quite a dignity in your man- 
 ner, that pleased me very much ; and I 
 couldn't help just speaking of it to Mr. 
 Ponsonby, — ." 
 
 " Dear Ma'am, I wish ." 
 
 " Well, my dear, I said no harin. nor 
 nothing you need be vexed at ; 'twas 
 after Miss Owen had left us, and I told 
 him you were a very different kind of 
 young woman from her: I was just got 
 home then, so I asked him in ; (I shew- 
 ed him into the best parlour), and while 
 he was waiting to see Mr. Jones, he and 
 I had a bit of chat together, and got very 
 sociable ; and I assure'e Lizzy, he won 
 upon me very much : and I tell'e what,
 
 308 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 I've asked him to supper ; for I wished, 
 as he had seen us in such a Httle lodg^- 
 ing at Clifton, that he should find we 
 lived somewhat in a different style at 
 home ; we don't give dinners I told him, 
 but we hoped to see him some evening 
 with your family; so I've, settled the 
 matter with your father, and we shall 
 expect you all next Friday*'*
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. ,309 
 
 CHAP VIL 
 
 Elizabeth looked forwards with no 
 little dread to the proposed evening party : 
 it was her earnest hope that there might 
 be no other company ; but on entering 
 Mrs. Jones's *' best parlour/* the first 
 objects that presented themselves were 
 the Pratten family and Miss Dowling; 
 with their best clothes, they had put on 
 their best behaviour, and sat up in so- 
 lemn array. 
 
 Mrs. Jones took an opportunity of ob- 
 serving to Elizabeth, '' I know your
 
 310 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 mother don't much like the Prattens, 
 and it was quite against my wish their 
 being asked ; but there, Mr. Jones made 
 a point of it ; he said we should be 
 obligea to oive a handsome supper, 
 and we might as well have a few more, 
 particularly as we owed the Prattens ; 
 so there what could I do. I only in- 
 tended to have Mr. and Mrs. Main war- 
 ing : I thought they would be genteel 
 people for ^Ir. Ponsonby to meet, as 
 they keep their own carriage, you know, 
 and live in a handsome way." 
 
 Elizabeth gave Mrs. Jones full credit 
 for her good intentions, but was far from 
 subscribing to the notion that gentility 
 was necessarily annexed to the posses- 
 sion of Plas Llancoed, and a well filled 
 purse. 
 
 Mrs. Main waring had been, at nineteen, 
 thebeautyof her native village: she had re-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 311 
 
 turned home from a neighbouring board- 
 ing-school, little incommodedwith accom- 
 plishments, and plentifully supplied with 
 personal vanity. Her taste for reading 
 led her to explore her father's book- 
 shelves, but they only eXcited her dis- 
 gust; not so a snug little shop in the 
 village, where, besides millinery, grocery, 
 crockery, and perfumery, the public 
 might be accommodated with certain 
 marble-covered tomes, at the rate of. two- 
 pence per volume ; these were eagerly 
 devoured by Miss Letitia, who now be- 
 gan to deplore the monotony of a life, 
 which seemed to preclude the possibility 
 of a romantic adventure falling to her 
 share, and regretted that it had not been 
 her good fortune to have been left at the 
 door a helpless infant, wrapt in an em- 
 broidered mantle, some cold December 
 night. Such a circumstance would have 
 been the solace of her lonely hours; but 
 alas ! nothing could be more certain, than
 
 312 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 that she was the daughter of Matthew 
 Lampet, whose name ghttered in gold 
 letters over his door, with the addi- 
 tion of " Surgeon, Apothecary, and 
 Man-midwife ;" where also, for the be- 
 nefit of the unlearned, appeared a golden 
 symbol in the form of a huge pestle and 
 mortar ; as it was however equally cer- 
 tain, that her skin was of a " transparent 
 whiteness," and that she possessed " a 
 profusion of auburn hair, languishing 
 blue eyes, and numberless nameless 
 graces,'* charms which were conspicuous 
 in Almeria^ or the Orphan of the Vale, she 
 persuaded herself that she was destined 
 to fill a higher station than to transmit 
 to posterity the profits of the pestle and 
 mortar. Under these impressions, the 
 advances made by one Mr. Timothy 
 Trigge, her father's apprentice, were re- 
 pelled with disdain ; the more so, as his 
 person was exactly the reverse of her 
 favourite, Bellamont, in the new novel
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 313 
 
 of " A Father's Frowns, and a Lover's 
 Sighs :*' other suitors too had been re- 
 jected for the same reason, when her 
 beauty attracted the notice of Mr. 
 Apreece, a gentleman of fortune, who 
 had been a short time in the neighbour- 
 hood; but it so happened, that notwith- 
 standing her anxiety to resemble the re- 
 fined heroines of romance, Letitia's ap- 
 pearance betrayed such an inordinate at- 
 tachment to shewy attire, that Mr. 
 Apreece was so far under a mistake with 
 regard to her character, as to make over- 
 tures that did not at all fall in with her 
 notions of her future destiny; and it was 
 owing to the interposition and advice he 
 received from Mr. Mainwaring*s father, 
 that his proposals were made in an ac- 
 ceptable form. On Miss Lampet's be- 
 coming Mrs. Apreece, the consequence 
 attached to her new situation soon put 
 to flight her visions of romance, and the 
 substantial dweUincr-house of Plas Llan- 
 
 o 
 VOL. I, P
 
 314 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 coed she found a very comfortable sub- 
 stitute for castles in the air. 
 
 At this time young Mainwaring, her 
 second husband, was 
 
 the whining school-boy, with his satchel 
 
 And shining morning face, creeping like snail 
 Unwillingly to school. 
 
 But after the lapse of fifteen years, when 
 by the death of Mr. Apreece, she was 
 left a rich widow, she thought she could 
 not better shew her gratitude to the fa- 
 ther, than by admitting his son (now a 
 handsome young man of twenty) to a 
 participation of her ample fortune. As 
 his perceptive powers, however, were not 
 remarkably acute, she found some little 
 difficulty in making him understand these 
 extraordinary emotions of gratitude. Her 
 frequent observations about being a lone 
 woman ; the burthen of having so large
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 315 
 
 a fortune to look after ; and the advan« 
 tages taken, where there was no master 
 of a family, demanded, as he thought, 
 some seasonable expressions of condo- 
 lence for the loss of Mr. Apreece ; but 
 as by degrees, her hints afforded a more 
 pointed inference, the young man ven- 
 tured to understand her, and the business 
 was settled. 
 
 The widow had taken care to secure 
 her fortune to herself, and Mainwaring 
 found that 3he now complained of none 
 of those difficulties which she had so 
 lately deprecated ; he perceived she in- 
 tended to let none of her authority pass 
 out of her hands, and that in the ma- 
 nagement of their household he was of 
 no higher consequence than her favourite 
 lap-dog. 
 
 Mr. Mainwaring having been unac- 
 customed to polished society, his wife, 
 p 2
 
 316 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 though little qualified for the task, under* 
 took to tutor him how to conduct him- 
 self : his natural shyness however baf- 
 fled all her efforts, and he felt so consci- 
 ous of ignorance and awkwardne&s, that, 
 rather than expose himself in conversa- 
 tion, he was content to dwell in insigni- 
 ficance. Mrs. Mainwaring, on the con- 
 trary, with confident manners, and valu- 
 ing herself on that virtue which had 
 raised her from her humble station to her 
 present affluence, assumed a consequence 
 that could not be tolerated in well-bred 
 circles : and except her acquaintance in 
 the neighbourhood of her residence, her 
 friends consisted of persons with whom 
 she got acquainted at watering-places, 
 where she was fond of spending several 
 months in the year ; always giving the 
 preference to secondary places, where 
 the arrival of her equipage excited a 
 sensation, which expensive dress and 
 preposterous fashions, constantly kept
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 317 
 
 alive. It was the interest of the inhabi- 
 tants to feed her vanity, and she in re- 
 turn, ex tolled the beauties and advantages 
 of places where she could be queen of 
 the walk, and affect patronage. Her 
 name appeared to all cases of distress ; 
 to all raffle-subscriptions; she delighted 
 to see play-bills headed " By the desire 
 of Mrs. Mainwaring," though a barn 
 was to be the scene of action ; and an 
 account of a ball and supper given by 
 
 Mrs. Mainwaring at mouth, having 
 
 found its way into the London papers, 
 filled her with conceit for the remainder 
 of the season. 
 
 Such were the pair who were now an- 
 nounced in Mrs. Jones's " best parlour ;" 
 the lady was upon a large scale dressed 
 in strict conformity to " La Belle As- 
 semhlte^* for the month, and ambling 
 into the room with an air of importance,
 
 518 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 proceeded to a seat which had been re- 
 served for her at the upper end of the 
 room ; while the '^ partner of her great- 
 ness/^ scarcely advancing farther than 
 the door^ dropt into the first seat that 
 presented itself. 
 
 Mrs. Main waring in a consequential air, 
 began apologizing for coming so late; " but 
 really," said she, w ith a consolatory bow 
 to Mrs. Jones; ^' really, as I say, people 
 that keep their own carriage, are more de- 
 pendant than those who hire : for what 
 with the horses being ill at one time, and 
 the coachman at another, one never 
 knows when one can depend on having 
 one^s own carriage: then at parties, one's 
 always obliged to go away, as I say, just 
 to a minute." 
 
 Mrs. Jones extolled the elegance of 
 Mrs. Mainwaring's equipage, and sought
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 319 
 
 to advertize the importance of her guest 
 by inquiring after her grapery. 
 
 *' Ah, dear me/^ cried Mrs. Mainwar- 
 ing; " that's another grievance; all our 
 grapes are quite lost: I had, I assure 
 you, as fine a shew as any round the 
 country, but unfortunately the glasses 
 were left open one frosty night, and 
 there was an end of the grapes.^' 
 
 " What a pity !" observed Mr. Jones, 
 ** and after such expense too." 
 
 "Tisn't for that; but I don't know 
 what I shall do without 'em ; I that have 
 been so accustomed to fruit in winter 
 and summer, as I say, all as one ; why 
 I shan't know where I am." 
 
 '' It may put her in mind of old times, 
 perhapth," lisped Miss Dowling to Fon- 
 sonby, in a close whisper: " she was
 
 320 VARIETIES OP LIFEo 
 
 only a poor ""pothecary's daughter ; but 
 it theems she's forgot the thign of the 
 pethle and mortar." 
 
 " It's no use, as I say," continued 
 Mrs. Main waring, *' to give gardeners 
 high wages, and keep helpers, and go to 
 such expense as I have, and after all to 
 be no better off, as I say, than as if I had 
 nothing of the kind at all; it's past all 
 bearing ; as I say, the more servants one 
 has, and the higher wages one gives, the 
 worse every thing is done ; here have I 
 four or five men servants, and half a 
 dozen women, and yet, if you'll believe 
 me, when I complain of neglect, they 
 grumble about having too much work to 
 do: nobody knows the troubles of a 
 large establishment, but those, as I say, 
 who have had experience of them." 
 
 This harangue was interrupted by the 
 entrance of tea, which was handed about
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 321 
 
 by an awkward man engaged for the oc- 
 casion, assisted by Mrs. Jones's parlour- 
 maid, who followed close behind with 
 hot buttered cakes. After this cere- 
 mony was over, a whist party was 
 formed, which broke up the formidable 
 semicircle. 
 
 " We've nobody else coming," said 
 Mrs. Jones, " except Mr. John Barton; 
 I hope he won't disappoint us, such a 
 nice, pleasant, lively young man: he's 
 lately come into a very good fortune I 
 find." 
 
 " Oh, yes sure," cried Mrs. Main- 
 waring from the whist table ; " and he 
 spends it with a proper spirit; and so he 
 should ; I like to see people of fortune, 
 as I say, live as they ought to do. Mr. 
 Pratten, will you like to bet half a crown 
 on the rubber," 
 
 p 5
 
 32^ VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 " I must beg leave, Madam/* said Mr. 
 Pratten, in a coarse firm voice ; " to be 
 excused, if you please; 'tis what I never 
 suffer myself to do : and I think play- 
 ing shillings makes it come quite high 
 enough/' 
 
 " Ah, well! I think you're quite in 
 Xhe right Mr. Pratten ; every one is to 
 judge for themselves in these cases ; 
 shillings is quite high enough : but as I 
 ^y, I am so in the habit of playing half 
 €rowns and betting crowns, that — " 
 
 " Do you mean half-crown pints^ 
 Ma^am ?" 
 
 •* Oh yes, and higher too," returned 
 Mrs. Mainwaring with a chuckling 
 laugh, 
 
 ^* There may be very serious sums lost
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 32J 
 
 then/' said Mr. Jones with a calculating 
 aspect. 
 
 " Ah, well, don't let us talk about 
 losses," cried Mrs. Mainwaring, " I dare 
 say you and I shall give Mr. Pratten and 
 Mr. Meredith a trimming." 
 
 Mrs. Jones now proposed a round game 
 for the young people, which appearing 
 to meet general approbation, they sat 
 down to pam-loo. 
 
 " Jem, you're not to play," said Mrs, 
 Pratten . 
 
 " Law, mother," grumbled Jem " why 
 not ?" 
 
 Mrs. pratten made an expressive 
 
 sign. 
 
 *' Law, why they're going to play
 
 534 VARIETIES OF LIFE, 
 
 quite low ;"' reraurmured Jem ; " Mrs, 
 Jones said so." 
 
 « Well, we'll see." 
 
 " Oh, dear! here comes Mr. John 
 Barton," cried Mrs. Jones. *' Better 
 late than never, Sir." 
 
 Mr. Barton advanced, making famiMar 
 bows all round the table, including Mr. 
 Ponsonby, to whom he had not yet been 
 introduced ; and adroitly wedging him- 
 self between Miss Dowling and Eliza- 
 beth, exclaimed, " How happy could I 
 be with either;" why, Dick Pratten, 
 man, how come you to let the ladies sit 
 together ?" 
 
 *' You're losing time," said Mrs, 
 Jones, ** you'd better settle who is to 
 deal."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 3^5 
 
 " Why you have been quite a stranger 
 among us, Mr. John Barton," cried Mrs. 
 Pratten; " we've quite missed you 
 lately." 
 
 " Oh, I've been upon my travels. 
 Ma'am ; I don't like biding still at one 
 place ; I like to be here, there, and 
 everywhere; but I'v^e been home a week 
 now. There, you're to deal, Dick ; the 
 knave's come to you, he knows his man. 
 How come it you weren't at Mrs. Cot- 
 tle's last night. Miss Dowling? Oh, you 
 ought to have been there ; I assure you 
 we had a very nice hop. I'll tell'e how 
 it came about: the old folks you see were 
 all at cards ; so what did we do but roll up 
 the carpet in the parlourinatwinkling,and 
 Lucy Cottle played upon the piana; to 
 be sure we kickt up a fine dust, and kept 
 it up till past one o'clock. Oh, and the 
 best of the fun was, Mrs. Cottle asked 
 me to make the punch ; and, by George,
 
 326 VARIETIES OF LIFE* 
 
 I tickled the old ladies with the proper 
 stingo, and sent *em all home fud- 
 died/* 
 
 '' For thame, Mr. John Barton," cried 
 Miss Dowling: " how you do love mith- 
 chief." 
 
 " He's such a rattle/* observed ISIrs. 
 Jones to Ponsonby, 
 
 Mr. Barton had more to say to Miss 
 Dowiing about Mrs. Cottle's party,which 
 was communicated in a whisper, and 
 called from her a reprimand. 
 
 ^' Law, Mr. John Barton, you do make 
 one laugh so — do be quiet now. How 
 fond you are of quithing." 
 
 The interest of the game now so com- 
 pletely took possession of the young 
 Prattens, as to make them lose sight of 
 their company behaviour, and indulge
 
 VARIETIES OF tIFE. 327 
 
 in their accustomed uncouth familiarity, 
 while their mother, from time to time, 
 called them to order. 
 
 * 
 " Lor, how you do deal, Jem : there 
 now, you've turn'd up the card ; I on't 
 have'n." 
 
 " Why then, 'tisn't my fault, 'tis the 
 cards do stick so,'* returned Jem, wet- 
 ting his thumb to remedy the evil. 
 *' There, hearts are trumps ; do you play 
 Miss Becky ?" 
 
 '' No, no," said Mr. Barton jocosely, 
 "Miss Becky can't play; she* got no 
 heart." 
 
 " That's more than you know, Mr." 
 
 '' Well, ril be bound," said he laugh- 
 ing loudly ; " you wouldn't give thank'e 
 for a hand without a heart/'
 
 328 VARIETIES OF LIFE* 
 
 '' You seem very merry there, good 
 folks,'* cried Mrs. Mainwaring; " Mr. 
 John Barton, as usual, the fiddle of the 
 company." 
 
 " Lor now, Mr. Ponsonby, you've 
 played before your turn,'* cried Jem : 
 *' so now Fm loo'd by it — 'taint fair." 
 
 " Nonsense Jem, 'tis you will play on 
 such vile hands, I don't wonder at your 
 losing so." 
 
 " Why now, mother, I tell'e, if Mr. 
 Ponsonby hadn't played the deuce — " 
 
 *' He has played the dense with you, 
 Jem, with a vengeance," said Mr. Bar- 
 ton, with another loud lough. 
 
 " There, Fve nabb'd your queen, Miss 
 Lizer," cried Dick ; '' what d'ye think 
 of that!"
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 329 
 
 ''Can any body give me two thicth- 
 penthes for a thilling ?'' 
 
 ** My ! how you are winning, Becky! 
 only look what a pile of silver she has 
 got there ; now Mr. Ponsonby, 'tis your 
 deal, and you must put in ; oh, and you 
 was loo'd besides !" 
 
 " Jem, don't let your tongue run on 
 
 so." 
 
 *' By jingo ! Becky's got a pam-flush 
 again ; I'll be hanged if — " 
 
 " Jem!" 
 
 A slight pause at the round game was 
 amply supplied by the loud voice of 
 Mrs. Mainwaring, rating her partner for 
 leading from his tenace. 
 
 Mr. Meredith's voice, too, grated on
 
 330 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Elizabeth's ear, in a tone of so much ir- 
 ritation, that Mrs. Meredith sidled to- 
 wards the whist party, intent on a pacific 
 negotiation. 
 
 " Pam be thivil,'' said Miss Dow- 
 ling. 
 
 " Oh, murder! there I'm dish'd." 
 
 *' He knows his dooty,'* pursued Miss 
 Dowling, 
 
 " Well, if ever I see any thing like it," 
 said Jem, in a grumbhng tone. 
 
 <t Why, you're come from the Mum- 
 bles, I fancy," cried Mr. Barton with a 
 laugh. " Upon my word, Miss Dowling, 
 Fm afraid you'll suffer for all this : you 
 can't expect good luck at another game : 
 you'll get a very Turk for a husband."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 331 
 
 Mr. Mainwaring passed the evening 
 by looking on at the card tables : his 
 conversational talents being no further 
 called in question, than by having to re- 
 ply to such interrogations as, " don't 
 you ever play cards, Sir ?" or, " don't 
 you never ^"^ according to the speaker. 
 
 " Law, Betsy Meredith," cried Dick, 
 *' you do whip up the cards so> I don't 
 know what I'm about ; dont'e snap'em 
 up so, it makes me all betwattled: 
 there ! 1 got a trick ; stop Becky, you're 
 taking too much, 'tis but four a trick 
 — put it all down again, and let's reckon 
 It." • 
 
 " Dick ! behave yourself." 
 
 '' It's all very right," cried Mr. Bar- 
 ton, " 'tis five a trick ; five fives is 
 twenty-five ; take my word for it ; leave 
 alone Cocker."
 
 332 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 ** Don't play that, Jem," said Mrs. 
 Pratten, " why, how can*e be so follish ! 
 no wonder you lose, if you play like 
 that. Stop ! don't be in such a hurry ; 
 there, keep up your hand; you let every 
 body look over you. Come, Jem! put 
 in the king to be sure ; why, what are 
 you thinking of?" 
 
 " Law, mother, how you do bother 
 one ! there now, I'm loo'd again ; I 
 never see any thing like it. I do think 
 Becky keeps pam in her pockut." 
 
 " Jem ! you make too much noise ; I 
 hear your voice louder than any body 
 else's. 'Tis very purvoking to be sure,", 
 continued Mrs. Pratten, in a tone of 
 compassion ; " he had three trumps 
 Mr. Ponsonby, and raly very good ones. 
 Upon my word Jem, I got no more sil- 
 ver; you must apply to your father, you 
 raly must."
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 333 
 
 " Dear!" exclaimed Mrs. Jones, 
 " Fm quite sorry he has such ill luck." 
 
 " 'Twas very silly of him to play ;" 
 rejoined Mrs. Pratten, in an under tone: 
 '' he knows nothing of the game, and to 
 go on losing his money in that way is 
 quite ridicklus !'* 
 
 " He can't have lost much, Ma'am," 
 observed Elizabeth. 
 
 • 
 " Ah, my dear, it's a good deal for a 
 lad like him: he has lost five or six 
 shillings already !" 
 
 " Dear, I'm very sorry," said Mrs, 
 Jones. 
 
 " Yes, he has mdeed." 
 
 A scene of confusion now occurred at 
 the whist table : it was sudden and vio-
 
 33'^ VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 lent, but of short duration ; the loo party, 
 without a suspicion of the cause, beheld 
 Mrs. Main waring floundering on the 
 floor, bestrewed with cards and candle- 
 sticks. 
 
 The gentlemen hastened to her assist- 
 ance ; and being safely deposited in a 
 chair, she sat panting and fanning her- 
 self, with one hand locked in Mr. Main- 
 waring's, while the room rang with in- 
 quiries and explanations ; when it ap- 
 peared that a black cat had unperceived 
 entered the apartment, and with unpa- 
 ralleled audacity had taken possession of 
 Mrs. Mainwaring's capacious lap, where- 
 upon that lady, starting from her chair, 
 her head came in contact with a giran- 
 dole, her feathers caught fire, and re- 
 bounding on her seat, she had lost her 
 balance, and nearly compelled the table 
 to accompany her in her fall.
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 535 
 
 " Don't frighten yourself, my love/* 
 said Mrs. Mainwaring to her spouse ; 
 " I'm not at all hurt, but I can't bear 
 the sight of a cat ; I never could : I beg 
 I may not discompose the company ; 
 pray go on with your game." 
 
 It was not an easy matter to comply 
 with this request, the suppression of 
 laughter being paramount to all other 
 concerns : the young Prattens had so 
 little command of their risible faculties, 
 that their mother's Jeminsc and Dickinsr 
 them had very little effect ; and it 
 was a great relief when supper was an- 
 nounced. 
 
 *' That's a good hearing ; my stomach 
 has cried cup-board this half-hour." 
 
 " Jem !" 
 
 Mrs. Jones triumphantly led the way
 
 336 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 to a well-supplied table, to which the 
 Pratten family did ample justice. 
 
 " Mr. Jones, I must thank'e for a little 
 more of the duck, 'tis so uncommon 
 good," cried Mrs. Pratten ; " to say the 
 truth, we dined rather early to-day, — 
 any part. Sir. — Jem !" 
 
 *« Mr. Barton, I hope you take care of 
 the ladies," said Mr. Jones ; " and, if 
 you please, I'll trouble you to cut that 
 tongue." 
 
 " Certainly, Sir, with the greatest 
 pleasure. Miss Dowling, shall I give 
 you some ? or is one enough for a lady ? 
 eh? ha! ha I ha!" 
 
 " Come, don't be always running 
 your riggs." 
 
 " We are indebted to Mrs. Main-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 3S7 
 
 waring for that fine dish of sea-kale," 
 said Mrs. Jones : " I hope you'll take 
 some, Mr. Ponsonby." 
 
 " Oh, I am sure I wish I had any thing 
 better worth your acceptance,'* cried 
 Mrs. Mainwaring ; *' I am always very 
 glad, as I say, when I have any little 
 rarity to offer my friends." 
 
 " This is remarkably fine," said Pon- 
 sonby; then, turning to Jilizabeth, he 
 observed, " what a valuable acquisition 
 to a party this Mrs. Mainwaring is : 
 Miss Dowling has let me into her pri- 
 vate history, but I had no idea that she 
 was to contribute in so many ways td 
 the evening's entertainment." 
 
 " Do let me recommend you a slice 
 of the tongue," said Mrs. Pratten to Mr. 
 
 VOL. I. Q
 
 338 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 Ponsonby, who sat next to her ; " you^li 
 ■find it very tender ; indeed all Mrs. 
 Jones's things are so nice and good, 
 ril thank you for another shce, Mr. 
 John Barton. This tongue is cured at 
 home I am sure ; and it's much the best 
 way ; then one knows what one's eating. 
 I don't rightly understand Mr. Pon- 
 sonby," continued she, lowering her 
 voice into a familiar tone, " how long 
 your stay in Swansea is to be ; but Mr. 
 Pratten and ijie will be exceeding happy, 
 Sir, to see you — (Jem !) — and — I hope 
 soon to fix on some evening to have the 
 pleasure of your company, and the Me- 
 rediths, in a free way." 
 
 *' You are very polite, Ma'am," re- 
 turned Ponsonby ; *' I believe I shall 
 quit Swansea in about a week." 
 
 ** Oh, ho," said Mrs. Pratten, sim-
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 339 
 
 pering, " 'tis to be so soon as that, is it ? 
 well, I hope we shall see you between 
 this and then ; we seldom give large 
 parties, but / think a sociable evening 
 like this, is a deal pleasanter, in my 
 opinion, than a formal set party." 
 
 " Becky," cried Mrs. Jones, " what 
 will you have ?" 
 
 " Fve had a thyllabub, thank'e, 
 Ma'am." 
 
 " Take another, my dear." 
 
 " Won't you take any of the sweets, 
 ^ Sir?*' said Mr. Barton, addressing Pon- 
 sonby; " No? why, then, Mr. John 
 Barton, t/ou will," said he, addressing 
 himself, "yes, sure, Mr. Barton will take 
 some jelly." 
 
 Q 2
 
 340 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 " How can you be tho tliilly !" 
 
 After the cloth was withdrawn, a bowl 
 of punch made its appearance, and Mr. 
 Barton was asked for a song : he readily 
 complied; and, in a ridiculous attempt 
 to copy Braham, almost stunned the 
 company with " The last words of 
 Marmion." " There," said he, as he 
 finished, " now Fve earned a right to 
 call on any lady I please for a song ; so 
 I beg leave to call on Miss Betsy Mere- 
 dith/^ 
 
 Elizabeth politely declined ; and, after 
 she had been for half an hour assailed 
 with, " Birds that eati sing and woni 
 sing," &c. ; *' No song no supper ;" 
 " Come, Miss Meredith, we are all wait- 
 ing," accompanied with a loud rapping 
 on the table, which interrupted all con- 
 versation ; ]\frs. Mainwaring observed
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 341 
 
 that her carriage had been announced 
 some time, and rose to take leave : she 
 very condescendingly offered to set Mrs, 
 Pratten down ; and the party soon after- 
 wards broke up. 
 
 Mrs. Jones seemed in high good hu- 
 mour, and whispered to Elizabeth, *' I 
 think it all went off very welL" 
 
 Elizabeth had not yet completed all 
 her purchases, and Ponsonby frequently 
 accompanied her and Mrs. Meredith in 
 their shopping expeditions : they entered 
 a linen-draper's, and, as ill luck would 
 have it, Mrs. Dowling, the proscribed 
 Mrs. Dowling, was in the shop, witk. 
 Q 2
 
 ^42 VARIETIES 03P LIFE, 
 
 Rebecca and her sister, who was just 
 
 arrived from a visit in the countrv. 
 
 */ 
 
 " So ! how d*ye all do ?'* cried Mrs. 
 Dowhng ; " you haven't finished your 
 preparations yet, I suppose ;" added she, 
 with a sly glance towards Ponsonby ; 
 *' and there IVe been thinking to give 
 you a call ever so many times, and ne- 
 ver been able to yet; I've been so busy. 
 I fully intended it this morning, and 
 here my daughter is just come home to 
 get some smart things to wear at a 
 wedding ; so you see our errands are a 
 little similar." 
 
 " Yes, Vm to be bride-maid to a 
 friend of mine, where I've been ; the 
 gentleman, I believe, is somebody you 
 know pretty well, Elizabeth ; and if you 
 had liked him as much as he liked 2/ou 
 —can't you guess ? how dull you are ;
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 343 
 
 his name begins with a D and ends with 
 ahef : — well, 1 never saw a girl keep her 
 countenance so : but, I say, Elizabeth,, 
 you have not introduced me." 
 
 Elizabeth was now constrained to 
 present to Ponsonby, Miss Matilda 
 Dowling, attired in a new, yet heinously 
 unfashionable riding-habit, tucked up in 
 festoons, displaying a villanous shoe, 
 and an open-worked cotton stocking : a 
 provincial black beaver-hat completed 
 the figure. 
 
 '' I was very sorry, Mrs. Meredith, 
 that I could not meet you all at Mrs. 
 Jones's the other night," said Mrs. 
 Dowling ; '' but 1 have been so ill you 
 can't think. I catched such a cold as 
 never was ; 'twas my own fault, to be 
 sure ; but there (lowering her voice), I 
 wanted, you see, to get over the ironing,
 
 344 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 SO I took it into my head to lend a help,' 
 and there I stayed up, hard at work till 
 past twelve o'clock ; it quite knocked 
 me up, and I got a terrible crick in my 
 neck, standing in such a draught in our 
 back-kitchen among the wet clothes ; 
 but there, when I do begin, I can't help 
 going on to finish what I am about. — 
 What d'ye think of this cloth? You 
 see, I want to make myself about half 
 a dozen aprons, just to wear about the 
 house ; it saves the fronts of oner's gowns 
 so : this ""ll do very well, I was think- 
 ing ; — 'tis coarse ; but law what does 
 it signify what one wears out of sight/' 
 
 To put a stop to these memoirs of 
 back-kitchens and coarse aprons, Mrs. 
 Meredith desired the shopman to shew 
 her some muslins, and while the ladies 
 were canvassing the merits of the articles 
 before them, Ponsonby occasionally
 
 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 340 
 
 looked on, and occasionally lounged at 
 the door. His eyes were accidentally 
 attracted to the opposite house : it was 
 near the Castle, a corner house and a 
 grocer's shop ; the sign. Three Crows. 
 There, thought he, lived her grandfather, 
 " the haberdasher^ who sold all sorts of 
 things " 
 
 The specimens which Ponsonby had 
 seen of some of Elizabeth's connexions, 
 were not such as to add any respect- 
 ability to the alliance he was about 
 to form, and which, he was now con- 
 vinced, was not altogether consistent 
 with his own rank in life. He felt con- 
 scious how much he had disappointed 
 the views of his family ; but his high 
 sense of honour, and his attachment ro 
 Elizabeth, equally forbade a retreat. He 
 considered, however, that he should re- 
 move her to a more refined society, and
 
 346 VARIETIES OF LIFE. 
 
 that all intercourse between her and the 
 most objectionable part of her family 
 would be cut off. 
 
 The important engagement he was 
 going to enter into, made him reflect on 
 his past conduct, and he was now se- 
 riously determined by his future appli- 
 cation to his profession, to make amends 
 for his former unsteadiness. 
 
 END OF VOL, I, 
 
 BARNARD AND FARLEYj 
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