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 SKETCHES IX ULTRA-MARIXE.
 
 SKETCHES 
 
 IN ULTRA-MARINE 
 
 By JAMES HANNAY, 
 
 LATE OF HEE MAJESTY'S NANT, AUTHOR OF "SINGLETON 
 FONTENOT," ETC., ETC. 
 
 Sir S. Thou hast been many a weary league, Ben, since I saw thee. 
 
 Ben. Ay, ay : been ? been far enough and that be all 
 
 . . . Nay, forsooth, an you be for joking, I'll joke with you ; 
 tor I love my jest an the ship be sinking, as we said at sea. 
 
 Congeeve's Love for Love, Act IIT., Sc. 1. 
 
 N TWO VOLUMES. 
 
 VOL. L 
 
 LOXDOX: 
 ADDEY AND CO., 21, OLD BOND STREET. 
 
 1853.
 
 LONDON: 
 
 THOMPSON AND DAVIDSON, PRINTERS, 
 
 GREAT ST. HELENS.
 
 
 WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY. 
 
 THESE VOLUMES .^.- — ^^^^^^^ 
 WITH MUCH REGARD. 
 
 1 
 
 C
 
 CONTENTS OF VOL. I. 
 
 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND SKETCHES OF 
 PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 
 
 First Series. 
 
 CUAPTEK. 
 
 
 I'AGE. 
 
 L- 
 
 -Plug enters the Service. — Baggies : 
 
 uid Sheerness . . . 
 
 .3 
 
 IL- 
 
 —Plug on Sea Poii;s 
 
 
 U 
 
 III.- 
 
 — '• Going out." — Plug Gibes at Gibi 
 
 altar. — Wars and Rumours 
 
 
 
 of Wars 
 
 
 22 
 
 IV.- 
 
 — Blockarling and Basgles 
 
 
 29 
 
 V.- 
 
 -The East . . . ' . 
 
 . 
 
 36 
 
 YI.- 
 
 — SmjTna. — Plams of Troy. — Syraci 
 
 ise . 
 
 44 
 
 vir.- 
 
 -The Brig Snob . 
 
 
 54 
 
 /IIL- 
 
 —Athens and the Archipelago . 
 
 
 66 
 
 IX.- 
 
 —Plug discourseth of Travellers — of the Grotto of Antiphai'os — 
 
 
 
 and of divers matters concerning Malta . 
 
 76 
 
 X.- 
 
 —Plug discourseth further of Malta- 
 
 -and of Naval Othcers 
 
 85 
 
 Second Series. 
 
 I. — A Governor's Ball at JMalta . 
 IL — Three Mouths on board H M. Ship Wavelet 
 
 . 97 
 . 106
 
 VI 11 CONTENTS. 
 
 cnAPTER. PAf.F. 
 
 III. — Three Months in the Wavelet — Continued . . . .115 
 
 IV.— Noctes Atticse 123 
 
 V. — Three Months in the Wavelet — Continued . . . .130 
 
 VI. — How we kept our Birthdays in the Wavelet .... 135 
 
 VII. — Mr. Julian Linley's Runaway Marriage . . . .142 
 
 VIII. — Plug's Portraits for the Painted Hall, Greenwich: — The Boat- 
 swain. — The Carpenter. — The Gunner. — The Master-at- 
 Arms . . . , . . . , , .150 
 
 IX.— More Portrait? 158 
 
 X — PJug on Naval Courts IMartial, and Officers in General . .165 
 
 XI.— A Peep at " The Coast "—Conclusion 173 
 
 MR. SNIGSBY'S YACHT 179
 
 PKEFACE. 
 
 These volumes comprise in one collection tlie contents 
 of three little books published by me, during the years 
 1848 and 1849 ; and some papers which enjoyed the 
 advantage of appearing in the United Service Magazine, 
 at a more recent period. They have all, more or less, 
 been favoured with public notice and a fair circulation ; 
 and, I have reason to believe, are well known in the 
 professions to which they more particularly relate. As 
 I now send them forth revised (a part, too, for the 
 third time), it may not be impertinent to preface them 
 with a few words of explanation and elucidation. 
 
 If these writings, then, have any value (which I am 
 more willing to hope, than ready to believe), it is be- 
 cause, while borrowing the form of fiction, they are 
 based on reality and experience. The naval life of
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 England as it existed in the last age — in the days of* 
 Nelson and Collingwood — is depicted with admirable 
 freshness and power in the novels of Marryatt, and the 
 incomparable Tom Cringle's Log of the late Michael 
 Scott. But the service of to-day has changed in many 
 respects, from various causes, just as forms of life have 
 changed everywhere. Different principles are used in 
 selecting officers ; regulations have been modified ; but 
 above all, a long peace has had the important conse- 
 quence of making our naval men mingle more with 
 their fellows on shore, and has brought them under the 
 influence of all the excitements, intellectual and social, 
 which, for good and evil, work upon England during 
 our epoch. Change, by affording contrast and contra- 
 diction, is the very element of comedy, and whatever 
 is interesting or amusing in these pages, will generally 
 be found to be derived from a description of the pecu- 
 liarities of a state of transition — a state of things where 
 tradition is at war with the new, and out of which 
 perplexities and extravagances arise. I am now speak- 
 ing of this changed condition of the navy, as a subject 
 of literary delineation (which is attempted here) ; but 
 I am very far from presuming to speak of it as an 
 object of censure. I believe that whatever is noblest in 
 the spiritual inheritance of England, is at this moment 
 afloat under her flag — and kept fresh indeed, in the salt
 
 PREFACE. XI 
 
 water over which she rules. I believe in the sea-life 
 as a mode of human activity. And I entertain none of 
 that absurd dread of degeneracy among the new gene- 
 ration, which is believed in, or affected by, the sticklers 
 for form and letter, — the pedants of the pig-tail I I 
 have always laughed at these gentlemen, and their 
 followers, and I shall continue to do so. . . . But, for 
 the many considerations growing out of these matters, 
 this is not the place. 
 
 A word or two, somewhat more egotistical, may be 
 pardoned. I joined the service early in the spring of 
 1840, and arrived in the Mediterranean during the 
 thick of the well-known Syrian proceedings, towards 
 the close of that year. I was on that same station 
 — in large and small vessels — and up and down from 
 Gibraltar to the East, till the autumn of 1845. But 
 as soon as the S}Tian operations closed, the squadron 
 relapsed into routine, and months flowed on, which to 
 "youngsters," fresh from school, were both dull and 
 dangerous. The service is entered from motives of 
 family interest, so early, that a considerable proportion 
 of the young aspirants find that Nature (if her time 
 had been waited) intended them for other careers. And 
 what if you find in an employment, no hope of a career 
 at all ? .... I shall always esteem it among the most 
 fortunate circumstances of my life, that in the line-of-
 
 XU PREFACE. 
 
 battle-ship, where my first three years were spent — 
 I enjoyed the tuition of such a naval instructor as 
 the excellent and accomplished gentleman avIio filled 
 that office — the Reverend John Doyle Kennedy, of 
 Her Majesty's Navy. To him I owe it, that I found 
 the necessary aid towards developing myself for other 
 and more congenial pursuits. To these I am now com- 
 mitted, — and I would wish it to be thought that it is in 
 a spirit of honesty and sympathy, that in following 
 them out, I attempt the description of those scenes and 
 characters amidst which, as fortune would have it, my 
 youth was spent. 
 
 I need scarcely say, that in spite of the autobio- 
 graphical form, I do not intend myself to be accurately 
 delineated in such a youth as Mr. Percival Plug, whose 
 " Reminiscences " open the book ; and who is only to 
 be taken for what one of the gentlemen, in Berkeley's 
 Minute Philosopher , calls a "Human Flying-fish;" a 
 man " of animal spirits with a mixture of whim." 
 
 James Hannay. 
 
 London^ 2\st May, 1853.
 
 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES 
 
 AND 
 
 SKETCHES 
 
 OF 
 
 PERCIVAL PLUG, R. K 
 
 (Late Midshipman of H.M.S. "Preposterous.") 
 jFirst ^tXl£5. 
 
 VOL. I.
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 PLUG E>-TERS THE SEEVICE. BAGG-LES AND SHEERNESS. 
 
 Mj name is P. Plug; on the Grampian hilla 
 
 Mv father fed a frugal swain, 
 
 Wliose constant care, was to increase his store, 
 And send his onlj son, myself /rom home. 
 
 (^From an original Tragedy m JISS.) 
 
 It is cnstomarr for those who favour the English 
 paUic wiih their personal reminiscences, to begin by 
 giTiDg an account of their pedigree and ancestry. I 
 am sure I should be rery happy to follow the general 
 rule, if it were in my power, but unfortunately, the 
 origia of the Plug family is lost in the obscurity which 
 enTdopes many more important matters. Of my great- 
 grand&ther an honoured family tradition preserves the 
 feet, that a butt of claret was drank at his funeral by 
 his pious and sorrowing friends. This was a good old 
 Scotch custom which modem innovation has removed. 
 " Now-a-days" (remarks a respected Scotch friend) 
 "ifs no worth while to gang to a funeral for a' ve 
 "get." 
 
 To trace my progress from the cradle would, neces- 
 sarilj, be xminteresting. I cried and eat pap — just as 
 Shakespeare did at a similar period of his life, and — 
 
 B 2
 
 4 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 with precocious sagacity — quitted my native Scotland 
 when quite a boy. At school, in England, I was 
 flogged and taught the classics ; learned to vote the 
 pious ^neas a bore — my master an impostor, and all 
 study a humbug — in fact, received the rudiments of a 
 regular English education. 
 
 To what it is to be attributed I know not, but certain 
 it is, that among the youth of Great Britain a very 
 strong feeling prevails in favour of a sea life. Robinson 
 Crusoe has certainly something to do svith it, and the 
 works of Captain Marryatt increase the feeling, by 
 imbuing the juvenile mind with a delusive idea, that 
 an officer in the navy has nothing to do but drink grog, 
 and go on shore and make love to beautiful damsels 
 with dark eyes. The effect of the idea is, to send 
 shoals of the British youth into the navy long before 
 they know anything about their fitness, or unfitness, for 
 it, or any other profession, in consequence of which we 
 perpetually meet with officers afloat who ought to have 
 been parsons ashore, and vice-versa. What a splendid 
 
 boatswain was lost to the service in the Bishop of ! 
 
 What a glorious ranter to the conventicle in Captain 
 
 ! I fell myself completely into the notion that 
 
 Providence had intended me for a commodore. I chewed 
 liquorice in the hope that the unwary would take it for 
 a chew of tobacco ; abandoned braces, in order to give 
 my trousers a hitch ; and longed for the time when I 
 should have the opportunity of rushing, sword in hand, 
 on some unoffending Frenchman, who had never done 
 me any harm. My guardian offered no great opposi- 
 tion. The navy is a fine profession — and cheap. He 
 was willing to sacrifice his ward to his country ; by so 
 doing he would be giving a pledge to the state — in 
 short, getting rid of a troublesome boy at the expense
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 5 
 
 of fifty pounds a- year. Besides, who knows liow soon 
 a war might break out ? I might, possibly, die a hero 
 in the moment of victory — and the cost of my allow- 
 ance would be at an end, and no funeral expenses to 
 pay. Accordingly the family interest was brought to 
 bear on the Whig Admiralty. At that period the 
 Whig government was in rather a tremulous condition ; 
 unpopular in the country, and feebly supported in the 
 house. Lord Muddle, the First Lord of the Admiralty, 
 was in particularly bad odour in the profession — partly 
 from his ignorance of its condition, chiefly, because he 
 seemed to have an impression that the duty of a first 
 lord was to fill the navy with his connexions and 
 dependents. And it must be admitted that nobly he 
 discharged that duty — persevering like a martyr in 
 providing for his relatives, even at the expense of his 
 reputation for honesty. He seemed to think that all 
 his juveniles were expressly created to be admirals. 
 They thought so too ; and every young gosling of the 
 brood took naturally to the water. To this patriotic 
 minister my guardian applied for an appointment. 
 His unsupported application was met by a decided 
 negative. But he wrote again. His lordship was 
 respectfully reminded that the governor had rendered 
 service to the cause — had procured votes — made 
 speeches. By an astonishing change the crowded en- 
 gagements of Lord Muddle vanished, and I was 
 appointed volunteer of the first class to H.]\LS. Cali- 
 ban, fitting out for the Mediterranean. She was properly 
 an eighty gun ship, but by a cunning manoeuvre two 
 guns were removed, and she was thus brought down to 
 the third rate — which took £100 per annum oflF the 
 captain's pay. 
 
 I remember well that I was workins: a sum in deci-
 
 6 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 mals, when a letter of large dimensions brought my 
 appointment. It may easily be supposed that 1 did not 
 drink much of the muddy school beer that day. I 
 hurried up to town, procured my outfit, and in a short 
 time went down to Sheerness, where it was necessary 
 that I should be examined in reading and writing, 
 which arts, and which only, the government requires 
 naval aspirants to be masters of on entering. The regu- 
 lation itself is of recent introduction. Ought it not to 
 be applied to captains also ? — I know instances, where 
 it would be highly useful. Having got through this 
 ordeal, which indeed appeared as troublesome to the 
 examiner as to myself, I proceeded formally to join the 
 Caliban, and was introduced to Captain Baggies and 
 Commander Peppercorn. Baggies was an officer who 
 had begun his career in the time of war (one of the 
 Benbow school, of which I shall have to speak by-and- 
 bye). He had trod a deck slippery with blood in 
 Trafalgar, and passed unhurt through the fiery storm 
 of that action. Since that period he had been unem- 
 ployed, and probably would have remained so till his 
 death, but a vacancy occurring in the representation of 
 his native seaport, a Whig underling became a candi- 
 date for the honour ; and Baggies, who was a Tory of 
 the good old " port and prejudice" school, turned his 
 old coat, sacrificed his principles, and got the command 
 of the Caliban. He was a man of very narrow intellect, 
 and large personal dimensions ; a plethoric antithesis, 
 who thought little and ate much ; a Justice Shallow on 
 the quarter-deck, and a Hercules at the dinner table. 
 So much for Baggies. His young ones were promising 
 '' chips of the old block"-head. Miss Baggies " did 
 not dance with midshipmen," and thought her papa the 
 greatest officer afloat.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCITAL PLUG, E.N. t 
 
 Commander Peppercorn was one of those individuals 
 of whom everybody says, that he is a "good fellow 
 at bottom." To be sure, you had to go rather deep 
 into his character before you came to the good. Still, 
 you knew it was there and tolerated, if not pardoned, 
 the irritability and bad temper which floated on the 
 surface. 
 
 My guardian, who had come to Sheerness with me 
 made a respectful bow to these worthies. Baggies 
 looked majestic — Peppercorn piercing. 
 
 " Well, Captain Baggies, I have brought down my 
 boy to join you. I hope you'll find him a good officer," 
 said my guardian. 
 
 *' Hope so — hope so — for his sake," said Baggies, 
 who spoke in spasmodic grunts. " Hope you won't 
 give him too much money, sir." (No fear of that, 
 thought I). " Money makes boys extravagant — makes 
 'em di'ink and smoke, sir — neMect their work — o;o to 
 the devil — hem ! " 
 
 " Well, young gentleman," said Peppercorn, " I will 
 send you on board the hulk, and introduce you to 
 your messmates, and you must come on board the ship 
 every day, watch the fitting, and acquire a knowledge 
 of the work." 
 
 This was accordingly done; my guardian returned 
 to town, and I was left to my own resources and haunts 
 on board the hulk, where the crew were quartered 
 during the fitting of the ship. On going below I was 
 ushered to a dirty gun-room, warmed by a small stove, 
 near wliich were seated the only officers who had yet 
 joined, viz., Mr. Hankom, an old mate of dissipated 
 habits ; Snigger, a second master, very much respected 
 (it was known that he had once fought a duel across a 
 billiard-table), Berkeley, a youth who had joined for
 
 8 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 the first time, like myself ; and Grenville, an assistant 
 surgeon. A couple of forms served as seats at a long 
 table, on which the names of many ships, whose officers 
 had occupied the room, were cut deep ; and a cask of 
 ale was suspended in the corner. The other youngster 
 and myself were examined at length as to our families 
 and motives for joining the service, and warned fairly 
 that we would repent of it before long. When the cold 
 evening set in, rum, sugar, and hot water, were pro- 
 duced, and Berkeley and myself had a fight for the 
 amusement of the others. I don't remember going to 
 bed, but in the morning I woke up, finding that my 
 bedding had been made into a couch on the lockers, 
 and heard the voice of old Hankom — 
 
 " Now, then, youngster," he cried, " have you a 
 basin ?" 
 
 " Yes," answered I, with pride, and opening my 
 chest displayed a shining pewter one, in all its maiden 
 freshness. 
 
 "Any soap?" 
 
 " Oh, yes, two or three bars." 
 
 " And towels?" 
 
 " To be sure ; the best huckaback." 
 
 " That will do capitally — hand them out." 
 
 Thinking that these directions sprung from an 
 anxious solicitude on the part of old Hankom for my 
 welfare, I obeyed his instructions readily, but was 
 rather surprised to see him proceed to use them him- 
 self. However, I had too much sense to complain, and 
 waited patiently till he had finished for my turn. After 
 breakfast I went on board the Caliban. 
 
 Perhaps of all the scenes of confusion on the surface 
 of our planet there is none so great as the deck of a 
 line-of-battle-ship fitting out. The complement of men
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 9 
 
 not being nearly procured, drafts are obtained from tlie 
 ships in ordinary, and from the dockyard. These, of 
 course, are not in such a state of discipline as in a 
 vessel in full trim, and a great deal of noise takes 
 place. The decks are covered with spars, huge ropes, 
 stores not stowed away, tar buckets, and paint-pots. 
 
 When I reached the ship, such was the state of 
 things I found. Stores were being taken in at the 
 lower deck ports, and guns hoisted in on deck. 
 
 " Now, then," roared a lieutenant who was superin- 
 tending, " blue-jackets, clap on the purchase. (Silence, 
 there, you d — d rascal, will you I) Away you go ! 
 That's it my men. Handsomely the guy ! " 
 
 "Handsomely the guy!" thought I. "What the 
 devil is a guy? That lieutenant seems the nearest 
 approach to it, visible at present." And so soliloquis- 
 ing, I put my hands in the pocket of my monkey- 
 jacket (for it was March, and bitterly cold in that 
 barbarous Sheerness) and began to meditate. Here 
 was I a helpless unit among a mob of roaring, stamping 
 savages. Involuntarily my thoughts turned to bright 
 drawing-rooms and warm fires. 
 
 " Hollo, youngster," cried the shrill voice of Pepper- 
 corn, " stir yourself, come. If I find you with your 
 hands in your pockets again, I'll send for the sailmaker 
 and have them sown up ! " 
 
 This was encouraging, so I whipped out my unfor- 
 tunate paws and began to poke about the decks very 
 busily, the result of which zeal was, that I got in every- 
 body's way, and was tripped up and trod upon once or 
 twice by marines of huge proportions. This damped 
 my ardour a little, but I reflected that everybody had 
 to begin, and consoled myself with the notion, that 
 I ivould be able to make other people uncomfortable by- 
 
 B 3
 
 10 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 and-bye, myself. This consolation, indulged as it is, 
 lies at the bottom of a good deal of wliat is to be com- 
 plained of in the naval service. Some other changes 
 must first be introduced before you can abolish flog- 
 ging ! 
 
 However, on the whole, I got on very well. I went 
 ashore occasionally with my young comrade, Berkeley, 
 and we made such admirable progress, that, in a few 
 weeks, we were both of us able to discriminate judi- 
 ciously between the ale at the Fountain and that at the 
 Ship ; we held scientific discourse on the relative 
 merits of Cubas and Havannahs ; discussed the pre- 
 tensions of two rival barmaids (one with dark — the 
 other with blue eyes) ; and at last were both agreed in 
 opinion that Peppercorn was a passionate humbug, 
 and that it was more than probable that Baggies him- 
 self was a fool. 
 
 And what more, reader, could you expect from a 
 couple of boys of thirteen, sent on board a man- of-war 
 from school, and put under the government of Baggies 
 and Peppercorn ? If you are not satisfied with our 
 proficiency, you must be unreasonable indeed !
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 11 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 PLUG ON SEA PORTS. 
 
 Cockney sailors, whose ultima Tlinle is Gravesend, 
 are accustomed, when panegyrising some city man's 
 yacht, to exclaim that "she sits on the water like a 
 duck !" This praise could not be bestowed on the 
 Caliban. You might rather say, that she sat upon the 
 water like a goose, for the peculiar narrowness of her 
 stern (she was built on a Danish model) caused her to 
 be generally compared to that homely bird, by nautical 
 men. The spring of 184 — , the first born of the year, 
 came lauD-hino; down on the earth and sea, enlivening 
 even the dull Esquimaux of Sheerness (I cannot moder- 
 ate the expression), and the fitting of the Caliban pro- 
 gressed. The guns and stores were got on board — the 
 top-masts and jib-boom up and rigged. Officers and 
 men joined; and at last, we went out to the Nore, and 
 took in our powder. All this time we, the youngsters, 
 had no duty to do, because we could do none ; but 
 Peppercorn insisted on our coming up every morning 
 at four, to see the decks washed. Accordingly at that 
 hour you would see half-a-dozen shivering and sleepy 
 juveniles paddling about with bare feet among holy- 
 stones, brooms, and wet sand. Occasionally we would 
 take a nap on a gun-slide, when we would be roused by 
 the shrill voice of Peppercorn — " Now, then, sir-r-r !" 
 he would exclaim, with a prolonged shriek, " up with
 
 12 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 you !" Moodily we used to obey. When we went 
 below, it was to hear Hankom d — n the service ; and 
 his wrath was always vented either on the port or the 
 " youngsters." It seemed agreed unanimously that, by 
 some unlucky accident, we were the worst set of young- 
 sters ever seen. The Admiralty had had a spite against 
 the vessel. In fact, the senior mates had all been ap- 
 pointed by Tory governments, and looked only to Tory 
 governments for their chances of promotion. They weref 
 therefore, not particularly favourable to the proteges of 
 a Whig administration. Absurd as party politics are 
 every w^here — ludicrous in a vestry — productive of 
 horrid boring in private society — they are nowhere so 
 ridiculous in their aspect — so preposterous in their con- 
 sequences — as in a naval mess. For, Whigs and Tories 
 being alternately appointed by each party, and each 
 man retaining his side from interest, the service is 
 divided in factions, and nothing being understood of 
 the subject, the debates are violent in proportion to the 
 ignorance and prejudice of the disputants. The result 
 is, sometimes, the actual separation of a mess, and, 
 frequently, boisterous discord and contention. Old 
 Hankom, in particular, was a violent Liberal, and used 
 to dispute furiously with Lord Clanmore, the son of 
 a Tory duke. 
 
 " That, sir," Clanmore would say, " is a measure 
 which the Whigs were always afraid to undertake !" 
 
 " The A¥higs afraid ! Try them, my lord ! Try me /" 
 
 On which two or three members of the mess would 
 interfere, and laugh ofP the unpleasantness. 
 
 "Hankom," Clanmore would then cry out rather 
 mollified, " a glass of wine ?" 
 
 " No, my lord," (with haughty democratic pride), 
 *' you're of superior rank !"
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 13 
 
 After which tlie Scotch assistant-surgeon would say, 
 that " he coukl honestly aver that he hadna ever seen 
 siccan whelps as thae youngsters." 
 
 By-the-bye, I may just say, as the question is now 
 agitated, whether assistant-surgeons should be removed 
 from the midshipman's to the lieutenant's mess ; that the 
 sooner it is done the better — for the midshipmen. 
 
 Most of the arrangements of the Caliban being com- 
 plete, we painted ship, and having fired a salute, de- 
 parted from Sheerness, and arrived, by easy stages, at 
 Plymouth, to complete our complement of men, and 
 wait further instructions. 
 
 If you ask a midshipman which sea-port he prefers, 
 expecting perhaps (if you are very verdant) an answer 
 on public grounds, you will hear, that Sheerness is best, 
 because so near to London, or Portsmouth, on account 
 of its hotel, and other advantages (nothing about the 
 dockyards, or anything of that sort); but Plymouth is 
 not popular, at least, if we may judge from the fact that 
 " west-countryman" is generally used as a term of de- 
 rision to the service. I, for my part, enter a decided 
 veto against all English seaports, as places of residence, 
 on the followino; oTounds : — 
 
 A DIGRESSION ON SEAPORTS. 
 
 In the first place, it always rains at Plymouth; always 
 blows at Portsmouth ; and at Sheerness, always does 
 both. 
 
 With regard to the society of seaports, nobody cares 
 a rap far you unless you are naval or military, and if 
 you are, they care for you in proportion to your money. 
 Ensign Booby, witli £800 a-year, obtains more respect 
 than any captain or colonel of inferior means. In the 
 next place, if you are single, you are bored to death by
 
 14 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 mamas wanting to get you married, and if you are 
 married, your wife is probably snubbed by the wives of 
 other people. In fact, in seaport towns the women rank 
 with their husbands — Mrs. Captain Tomkins above Mrs. 
 Lieutenant Brown, and so on. 
 
 As to the military portion of the community, as many 
 of the men in every regiment are of good family, they 
 look down upon the seaport people, and think they do 
 them a great favour by associating with them. Some 
 regiments won't ask midshipmen to their mess. These, 
 to be sure, are few. However, the naval messes, in 
 their turn, fight shy of the military, and talk of a mess 
 dinner contemptuously as a " barrack feed." Then 
 there are naval cliques and military cliques. The former 
 abjure these d — d soldiers ; the latter shudder at those 
 horrid salt water fellows. ^' I can't bear Mrs. Bubble's 
 parties," says a young lady, " her rooms are black with 
 naval officers." These friendly sentiments tend won- 
 derfully to promote convivial parties. 
 
 And then, reader, the shoppiness of seaport social con- 
 versation ! When military power is dominant, you 
 hear of So-and-so of the 101st, and So-and-so of the 
 180th; how Slugsby's horse ran at the Tweedledum 
 Races ; and how Jenkins pulled the nose of Blubber, of 
 the Heavy Baboons Regiment ; of the prices of saddles 
 and bridles, and the merits of hair triggers ; of the late 
 court-martial, and the new cartouche-box. 
 
 Even this is more tolerable, however (with shame I 
 confess it), than the shop dialogue of a naval party. 
 There you hear of the Vanguard's lower deck ports, and 
 the Inconstant's rate of sailing ; of hoisting in a launch, 
 or rigging a pinnace. There, you, and your wives and 
 daughters, may learn the latest improvements in all 
 naval inventions. Should an elderly lady be anxious to
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, 11. N. 15 
 
 know wliicli clue of a mainsail to haul up when it is 
 blowing hard (a piece of information most useful to her), 
 she is sure to learn it in such societies ; and a high- 
 church divine may acquire a perfect acquaintance with 
 the merits of Sjmondite vessels. 
 
 As to seaport scandal, I leave that department with 
 confidence till I speak of ]\[alta. I flatter myself that 
 my observations on the subject will be as welcome to 
 the inhabitants of that island as the sirocco. 
 
 On entering the houses of some naval officers (mark, 
 I only say some !) you involuntarily recognise old ac- 
 quaintances. The rope which draws up the bucket is good 
 ship's 3^ ; and the biscuits that accompany the thirty 
 shilling Marsala are stamped with the queen's arrow. 
 
 When parties are given, ship's boats bear the guests, 
 and the music of a ship's band keeps tune to the popping 
 of the gooseberry. 
 
 But it is worthy of remembrance that some years 
 ago, when a naval officer was killed at Plymouth, a 
 colonel in command of a regiment (I wish I remembered 
 the creature's name) refused to allow the regimental 
 band to attend his remains to the grave ; and it is still 
 more worthy of remembrance than the mates who at- 
 tended a meeting held to express the indignation which 
 arose in the breast of every man of feeling at the denial 
 — had all their promotions stopped by the Admiralty I 
 
 It is sometimes dangerous to have the feelings of 
 humanity, and the courage to express them ! 
 
 The impartial and intelligent reader will be able to 
 guess, from the above observations, how I, Percival 
 Plug, liked Plymouth. In a material point of view the 
 place is beautiful, and the scenery near the town is 
 fascinating. The noble Breakwater, fixed by the hand 
 of science, resists the rolling of the ocean, whose baffled
 
 16 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 waves dash themselves noisily and angrily, and break, 
 scattered upon its surface. An ever fresh breeze wan- 
 tons on the surface of the Sound, which its waters ri])ple 
 in smiles to greet. On the western side is the beautiful 
 scenery of the Mount-Edgcombe estate, and glancing 
 towards the shore you observe forests of masts — the 
 whole picture displaying an alliance between the best 
 powers of nature and art. 
 
 But, morally considered, the society is disagreeable, 
 and there is more vice among the lower orders than in 
 most other towns. To this fact the bishop of the dio- 
 cese has (oddly enough !) recently added his testimony. 
 It is a curious circumstance too, that in Plymouth, as 
 in other seaports, the most extravagant sects seem to 
 flourish wonderfully. Portsmouth still boasts some be- 
 lievers in Joanna Southcote, who are greeted on leaving 
 the dockyard, occasionally, by gee-up, SJiiloh I from the 
 boys. 
 
 At Plymouth we passed our time in the Caliban as 
 other vessels do. At 9 a.m. we went to quarters, mus- 
 tered, inspected, and dismissed the men. When we went 
 on shore we regaled ourselves in the forenoon on pastry, 
 in Union Street, and spent our evenings at the London. 
 Occasionally we would go to the theatre, and on those 
 occasions it generally, by a curious coincidence, blew 
 too fresh to go off to the Sound. Sometimes also it 
 happened that we had to pay a morning visit to the 
 magistrate, which generally ended in our contributing 
 a small amount to the revenue of our country. After 
 a little affair of this sort on one occasion, a midshipman 
 of the name of Woggles came on board in that state in 
 which — lords wish to be, Avho don't love their ladies. 
 It was nothing surprising this, on the part of "Woggles, 
 for Bacchus was the only deity in which he believed.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 17 
 
 The boat came off to the ship, and his form was seen 
 gracefully vibrating on the stern sheets. Peppercorn, 
 who had observed the spectacle from the poop, came 
 running to the gangway to receive the offender — his 
 face glowing with delight at the approaching triumph 
 of his power. The boat came alongside ; and — shaking 
 the side-ropes — his knees knocking at every step against 
 the ship's side — up came Woggles, his face glowing 
 with the grape. He staggered on board and stood in 
 majestic drunkenness before his commander. 
 
 " Good God ! Mr. Woggles — you're disgracefully 
 drunk, sir-r-r," cried Peppercorn. 
 
 " I be-be-believe you, my pigeon ! " 
 
 This was Woggles's sole reply to the indigTiation of 
 naval power, and he was borne in triumph below. 
 
 But this brilliant retort — what was it, reader, com- 
 pared with the humiliation which it was the lot of 
 Peppercorn to sustain shortly afterwards at the hands 
 of a junior ? Peppercorn was in the habit of going on 
 shore in plain clothes. Warden, a midshipman, had 
 charge of the first watch on one of these occasions, and 
 knowing, that an officer cannot be recognised officially 
 if out of uniform, took care when Peppercorn came on 
 board that there should be no light at the gangway, 
 and no one to receive him. He himself continued 
 walking about the opposite side of the ship and suffered 
 Peppercorn to come on board unnoticed, alone. Foam- 
 ing with rage, came that great commander on deck. 
 
 " What do you mean by this, sir-r-r?" 
 
 " Hollo," cried Warden, apparently quite ignorant of 
 Peppercorn, " quarter-master, who's this ? " 
 
 " Don't you know who I am, sir-r-r ? " shrieked the 
 little man again. " Who do you take me for, sir-r-r, 
 eh?"
 
 18 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 '' Why," answered Warden coolly, from your voice 
 I should take you to be Commander Peppercorn, but 
 from your appearance — to be a Jew ! " 
 
 Overcome by emotion. Peppercorn rushed doAvn to 
 his cabin and madly buried himself in his bed-clothes. 
 You may be sure that the " youngsters " suffered for 
 this in the morning. I, Percival Plug, who, if I met 
 this Peppercorn now, would annihilate him, was three 
 times called by him " a lubberly young rascal," when 
 pursuing my duties as midshipman of the mizen-top, at 
 loosing sails. 
 
 With the exception of little affairs of this sort, our 
 time passed very heavily. It was curious for me to 
 trace the gradual decline of my enthusiasm. I had got 
 behind the scenes, and found that the fierce and digni- 
 fied appearance of the heroes that strut the stage, was 
 to be attributed to burnt cork, carmine, and a wig. 
 I had walked up to the spectre that appalled my in- 
 fancy, and found that it was a turnip lantern. Enthu- 
 siastic people had talked to me about warriors and 
 mighty men. I had approached and beheld — Baggies ! 
 The veil had been pulled from the countenance of the 
 false prophet, and behind it I had seen a vulgar face, 
 with a pug nose. 
 
 However, I went on with my observation of the 
 scene around me, and particularly took every opportu- 
 nity of conversing with the old quarter-masters. To 
 while away the tedium of the watch, I had walked one 
 night on the poop, and sitting on the spanker boom, 
 was lost in meditation. Old Davidson, the quarter- 
 master, came up, and from the way in which he walked, 
 I could see that the veteran was inclined to be com- 
 municative. 
 
 " Davidson," said I, " do you ever drink grog ?"
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 19 
 
 " Sometimes, sir," was tlie reply. 
 
 " Well," said I, "if you go below to the gun-room, 
 you'll find a bottle of rum in the buffet with a piece of 
 paper round its neck, bearing my name. Bring up 
 with it a tumbler, and some water. Are the hawse 
 clear, by the way ? " 
 
 " No, sir ; there's been an elbow in 'em since the 
 wind changed." 
 
 Off went the old boy, and presently returned with 
 the materials. 
 
 " The present port admiral," said I by way of begin- 
 ning the conversation, " seems to be pretty much liked 
 by everybody ? " 
 
 " Ay, sir ; there's few fairer spoken, or what more you 
 may call upright men, than old Sir Gregory — leastwise 
 there ain't many who cares more for them as has the 
 work to do." 
 
 " There's a ball there to night I see ? " 
 
 '^ Yes, sir. It's to be hoped there won't be no such 
 visitors to-night, as I heard my father say went once 
 into the house in his time." 
 
 " Why, did any of Sir Gregory's predecessors en- 
 courage loose people then — bad society ?" 
 
 " Whether he encouraged them (old Sir John 
 Suckworth I'm speaking of, sir), I can't say; like- 
 wise, whether they was loose, I don't know; but I 
 understand as how the grandfather of all loose folks — 
 the father of all lies, as the parson calls him — was 
 plainly seen the evening o' that old man's death flying 
 out of the window alongside of him." 
 
 " Bah ! Davidson, what nonsense." 
 
 " Begging your pardon, sir, but don't speak so loud. 
 I never knew any good come of discrediting them sort of 
 happaritions. Who knows who may be hearing of us ? "
 
 20 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 " Why, Davidson, you can't surely believe any such 
 story?" 
 
 " My old father, sir (he served in the Terrible, and 
 has been dead these two years), told me often that the 
 sentry in the square, afore the admiral's house on 
 seeing the devil and the old admiral coming out of the 
 window together, was struck so fearsome that he threw 
 down his musket, and ran off to the guard-house." 
 
 " Drunk, probably." 
 
 " No more than you and I, sir. And there ain't 
 nothing so unreasonable in the devil's being visible, as 
 a warning, just for once. That old Suckworth, sir, 
 was as infernal an old tyrant as ever trod a deck. 
 Many a man he was the hanging of in his day. * Sir,' 
 he would say to a poor fellow as was booked to swing, 
 ^ did you see the sun rise this morning?' 'Yes, sir.' 
 ' Then you ivonH see it set I ' " 
 
 '* Pooh, Davidson, inventions of some mutinous ras- 
 cals he was forced to punish ! " 
 
 " Maybe, sir ; but there's the fact of the devil taking 
 of him away,* in his nightcap too, sir, and dressing- 
 gown, just as he had risen for a few minutes to sit by 
 the fire ; and you know, sir, he died in his arm-chair. 
 At his funeral there was hundreds present, and my 
 father, who was sitting at the window looking on, 
 ' There goes the old fellow to hell,' says he." 
 
 " Well, Davidson, it does not matter to him now, 
 what people say. I think I heard the Thunder strike 
 eight bells. Our sentry seems to have gone to sleep. 
 Go and see about the time and rouse up my relief." 
 
 * A iiayal journal gravely denied the literal truth of it. Plug, 
 I suppose, thought only of "what was believed — which is always 
 important. — New Edition.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 21 
 
 It is unnecessary to trouble the reader with anything 
 further on the subject of Plymouth. We completed 
 our crew and sailed for Portsmouth, where we took 
 in some luggage (including an ambassador), and left 
 England in July. 
 
 In the next chapter I shall have the pleasure of 
 meeting the reader under a golden sun, on the waters 
 of the Mediterranean.
 
 22 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 "going out." PLUG GIBES AT GIBRALTAR. WARS AND 
 
 RUMOURS OF WARS. 
 
 If I were disposed to imitate the example of some 
 modern writers of fiction, I should make a great point 
 of describing the Caliban in the Bay of Biscay. I 
 should talk of her jumping and rolling, and kicking 
 and turning ; and of the wind shrieking, and howling, 
 and roaring ; I should expatiate on the flying masses of 
 clouds ; and describe every feather in the tails of the 
 stormy petrels which flew about her. Suflice it to say, 
 that in due time we reached Lisbon, where we had to 
 stay a week. It is a splendid and filthy town, which 
 may be compared to a Venus with a dirty face ; and 
 by no means deserves so fine a river as the Tagus. I 
 would advise those of the travelling public who may 
 go there, to keep — in coming back at night from the 
 opera — the centre of the street. Should they patronise 
 the sides, they are likely to receive a shower from 
 heaven — not of manna. 
 
 Gibraltar was the next place we proceeded to, and 
 our passage through the " gut," as it is elegantly called, 
 was celebrated with champagne. Hankom grew en- 
 thusiastic over his third bottle, and calling all the 
 youngsters round him, tried to make us drunk. He
 
 SKETCHES OF PEECIVAL PLUG, R.N. 23 
 
 succeeded in becoming so himself at all events ; grew 
 tremendously warlike, and rolled about tlie gun-room, 
 vowing that lie would stand by bis country — whicb be 
 was quite unfit to do, and was carried to bis bammock 
 peaceably. 
 
 Gibraltar is an enormous rock, the top of wbicb is 
 peopled by apes, and the bottom by soldiers. There is a 
 tradition that the apes came there originally by a subma- 
 rine passage from the African coast, and emerged at St. 
 Michael's Cave, which is about half way up. Whether 
 this be correct I am unable to determine, for when the 
 Caliban arrived, the tribe were enjopng themselves on 
 the Mediterranean side of the rock, which they gene- 
 rally keep, until driven to the other by the east wind, 
 and I had no opportunity of consulting them on the 
 subject. The town is narrow and not particulaidy 
 elegant; the inhabitants ugly, and not particularly 
 clean. How the officers stationed there manage to rub 
 along without falling a prey to ennui, I cannot under- 
 stand. Billiards is an interesting game, but tables are 
 few in number, and one cannot play for ever. The 
 turn for " guard " comes only once a fortnight. Even 
 cigars, direct from Havanah, at eighty dollars a thou- 
 sand, will cease to charm, and the market near the 
 New Mole, with its men and women in Spanish costume, 
 its rich fruits, and its many-coloured game, cease to 
 attract. What then can a sensible man do ? Gallop 
 his horse on the neutral ground, over a leaping-bar ; 
 fire at the pump there with a pistol ; or cross over the 
 Algesiras, and see a third-rate bull-fight ? All these 
 can be exhausted in a week, and what is a private 
 gentleman to resort to, particularly if, as is generally 
 the case, any draft on his intellectual resources is 
 returned with " no effects ! " A Calpe hunt was started
 
 24 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 some years ago, but foxes are scarce, and there is 
 nothing to jump over, or into, but some large holes. A 
 hurdle-race was also got up, and this promised some 
 excitement, for ver j soon an officer was killed ; but an 
 order from the Horse Guards put a stop to this luxury, 
 and all was desolation again. Once the ennuyts had a 
 rare windfall — a waterfall I should say. I allude to 
 the bursting of a huge water-spout, borne by a whirl- 
 wind over the rock. This plunged the town in affliction 
 and salt water, and gave rise to some amusing adven- 
 tures for, the men-of-war present, seeing the confusion 
 on shore (it happened in the night), imagined that a 
 fire had broken out, and sent the boats on shore with 
 engines to extinguish — the w^ater. 
 
 Aw^ay went the Caliban, borne by the westerly wind, 
 and next visited Barcelona. I expected at this place 
 to see nuts sw^arming everywhere, but to my surprise 
 never saw a bunch. And this may be taken as a 
 general rule — that you can never get a commodity in a 
 place universally celebrated for it. If you w^ant 
 Madeira, go to a London hotel — not to the island ; and 
 get your figs from a grocer in the city, rather than ask 
 for them at Smyrna. Of Barcelona, it is only neces- 
 sary, to say that it boasts a splendid promenade and 
 fine cafeSf and that a very good dinner may be obtained 
 on moderate terms at the Quatre Nations, 
 
 When the Caliban arrived at Malta, in the latter 
 part of the year 184 — , we found instructions to pro- 
 ceed to join the admiral and the fleet at Beyrout, carrying 
 as many stores for the squadron as we could, without 
 incommoding the guns. This was an important proviso, 
 for the Syrian war had just broken out. Place after 
 place had been bombarded, and troops landed. The 
 gallant Albanian, who rules on the throne of Egypt,
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 25 
 
 saw liis schemes of ambition defeated by European 
 intervention. The tottering power of the Turkish 
 empire was bolstered up by English assistance, and 
 half the papers in France were crying out for war. It 
 may easily be imagined that this state of things was a 
 glorious change for the Mediterranean squadron, tired 
 of the monotony of peace, and wearied with doing- 
 nothing. On arriving at Beyrout, where the fleet was, 
 I entered at once into the spirit of the time. Every- 
 thing was active and gay. Early in the morning the 
 crews were summoned on deck to drill, and the strictest 
 discipline maintained. All day long, boats were seen 
 passing from ship to ship, and signals flew from the 
 mast-heads. And as officers came on board to see 
 old messmates, lively anticipations were interchanged. 
 " Sidon will be the next place," you would hear a 
 young midshipman cry, " then Acre — and then — who 
 knows ? — perhaps Alexandria ! " 
 
 "If there's a war with France — I hear that they 
 mean to send their squadron down to Alexandria, to 
 raise the blockade there," said Ferrers, one of the 
 Bellerophon, one day at lunch in our mess. 
 
 " I hope 111 be there if they do," said Sydney, one 
 of our midshipmen. " I saw them weigh in Yola Bay 
 last year, and two of them went ashore I That's not 
 the kind of seamanship to face old Fisher of the Asia, 
 and his squadron with." 
 
 " Then look at our gunnery," said Ferrers. " Do 
 you know what the gunnery-lieutenant of the Harold 
 did the other day? When we Avere bombarding 
 the Beyrout, he went to one of the main-deck guns, 
 and taking the trigger-line from the captain of it, 
 pointed at the town. Soon after, a man's head was 
 seen peepmg through a loop-hole in the rickety old 
 VOL. I. C
 
 26 PEKSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 castle. Jerk went the trigger-line — ^bang went the shot 
 — and the fellow's head was smashed in a second." 
 
 A roar of laughter greeted the anecdote. 
 
 " Did he tell that story himself? because if he did, 
 he ought to be raised to the peerage, with the title of 
 Baron Munchausen." 
 
 ^^ A fact I assure you Queer fellows, these Harolds. 
 Heard what old Laurie, the captain of her, did the 
 other da}^?" 
 
 " No. We've been out of the fun, in this dirty old 
 Caliban." 
 
 *^ Why, sir, the Harold was lying within gun-shot of 
 the shore between Beyrout and Djouni, and there was 
 nobody in sight on the beach at all. Up came old 
 Laurie, and ordered half-a-dozen main-deck guns to be 
 got ready. It was done. ' Now send the band on the 
 poop, and make them play a lively air.' This was 
 done also ; and the mountaineers, attracted from their 
 shelter by the music — like serpents charmed from 
 their holes — came down on the beach. The suns were 
 fired and they were cut up right and left. Didn't they 
 run." 
 
 " The blood-thirsty old miscreant ? " cried Sydney, 
 and was echoed by some of the berth, though many 
 could not help laughing at the trick. 
 
 " Not one of all these poor wild mountaineers," said 
 I pathetically, " but had some dark-eyed girl to weep 
 for him, most probably. Perhaps had a widowed 
 mother, now lamenting him — desolate in the mountains 
 of Lebanon ! " 
 
 "Bravo!" said the matter-of-fact Ferrers, "all's 
 fair in war. They'd serve us just the same if they had 
 the chance. We've all got mothers to weep for us, 
 havn't we, or relations of some sort ! "
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 27 
 
 " Yes," remarked Burden, " and some of them don*t 
 come half often enough down with the needful." 
 
 Such were the stories which enlivened us. Better 
 this, thought I, than tvtttu) rvn-reig repeated in the class 
 at old Birchem's, or illustrated, practically, by that 
 gentleman with a rod ! 
 
 " There's another story to be told of the Harold 
 yet," said Ferrers, refreshing himself with a glass of 
 " swizzle," as weak oroo- is called in the service. " Some 
 of you fellows knew Langley, who belonged to her ? " 
 
 " Ah I he came to sea as an amateur midshipman, 
 and had £2,000 a year of his own ; parted pathetically 
 from a couple of maiden aunts — and all that sort of 
 thing, didn't he ? " 
 
 " Poor fellow," said Ferrers, " he was an enthusiast. 
 I knew him very well, and I'm afraid I didn't half 
 sympathise with him. He used to come on deck some- 
 times and talk to me in the middle watch, in the Bel- 
 lerophon, about glory, and ambition, and the progress 
 of the species, and God knows what — and he would 
 never take anything — not even a cigar ! " 
 
 "By Jove," cried old Hankom, interrupting, "the 
 youngster was down cracked, and wanted a good rope's 
 end." 
 
 " I hae seldom heard o' a more clear case of incipient 
 insanity. He was joost distrackit, and gane clean daft," 
 said the Scotch assistant surgeon. 
 
 " Well," continued Ferrers, " some time after our 
 last conversation, it was determined to send boats with 
 a party to cut oflP a train that had been laid to a mine 
 on shore. Langley went to old Laurie and begged and 
 prayed to be allowed to go on the expedition in the 
 Harold's first cutter. With some difficulty he obtained 
 leave. The boat landed, and Langley, sword in hand, 
 
 C 2
 
 28 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 rushed at tlie head of the men on the enemy. The 
 struggle was short and fierce : the work was accom- 
 plished — the party regamed the cutter, and just as 
 Langley jumped on one of the thwarts, a shot from an 
 Albanian's musket struck him in the heart, and he fell 
 dead in the bottom of the boat. As she neared the 
 ship, telescopes were anxiously turned to her, but 
 instead of the face of the handsome officer in her stern- 
 sheets, a heap was seen lying there, covered with the 
 ensign, which told the whole tale. He was buried at 
 Djouni." 
 
 " Served him right," quoth Hankom, " for coming 
 to sea, when he had £2,000 a-year ! " 
 
 Shall I spoil with commentary this melancholy narra- 
 tive ? It is strictly and literally true. While I write 
 these sentences, the breeze from the Mediterranean stirs 
 gently the weeds upon his lonely grave. 
 
 We, of the Caliban, soon found that we had come 
 too late on the station, and execrated our ill-fortune. 
 Most of the active work had been done, and Stopford 
 and Napier were waiting further instructions. Acre, 
 however, was not yet taken — there was still a chance, 
 and it was with some hope that we learned that we 
 were to join the squadron blockading Alexandria, which 
 (after watering at Dog River^ near Beyrout) we pro- 
 ceeded to do.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 29 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 BLOCKADING AND BAGGLES. 
 
 The word blockading has a very warlike sound — 
 smells strongly of gunpowder — and I have often made 
 a considerable impression in private and domestic so- 
 ciety by beginning the conversation with, " When I 
 was blockading Alexandria !" 
 
 Now, however, when standing face to face with the 
 public, and bent on telling the truth, it behoves me to 
 say that this same "blockading Alexandria" in the 
 Caliban in 184 — , was one of the most peaceable, most 
 commonplace, and most monotonous employments in 
 which I was ever engaged. There were about six line- 
 of-battle ships and a couple of steamers employed in the 
 service. In the morning we stood in, in column, (that 
 is, sailing abreast, two and two,) to make a demonstra- 
 tion, and to show the Egyptians that we w^ere wide 
 awake. Then we stood off again, taking care to keep 
 out of gun-shot, and so went backwards and forwards 
 for whole weeks. The internal affairs of the ship had 
 a spice of absurdity which enlivened us occasionally ; 
 as for instance. Baggies would deliver an oration to the 
 men in language that would have done discredit to the 
 learned pig ; and Peppercorn took it into his head once, 
 to have all the youngsters sent to the sick-bay to take a 
 black draught I But, generally, the affair was ^" slow."
 
 30 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 What had become of the French war? Was Alexandria 
 never to be taken ? The mess, too, began to get short 
 of potatoes and live stock, and famine was staring us in 
 the face — I mean, by famine, the necessity of eating salt 
 junk and biscuit, as Nelson and Collingwood did in the 
 war, and as the common sailors do every day. We be- 
 gan to despond. Some fellows took to vingt-et-un ; 
 others actually began to read Goldsmith, and a few even 
 advanced to the pitch of counting up their debts, and 
 thinking of their relations. Baggies, whose library con- 
 sisted of the Nautical Almanack and the Wliole Duty 
 of Man, took to eating against time ; and Peppercorn to 
 studying the weak points of his inferior officers, in order 
 to know how to catch them tripping in their duty, and 
 how to annoy them most. The arrival of the grog at 
 three bells, in the second dog watch, viz., half-past 
 seven p.m., was quite an event, for then we would listen 
 to some old mate's anecdotes of past experience; or 
 some midshipman who had served on board the gunnery- 
 ship at P , would tell us, how her worthy com- 
 mander used to make long speeches to the midshipmen, 
 which invariably contained this sentence — " subordina- 
 tion is the pivot on which the service turns ;" how, 
 consequently, these speeches were called pivots on all 
 occasions ; and how the " pivot gun at sea" was written 
 and sung for public amusement. Or, perhaps, we w^ould 
 have the story of Lord Beckler, a young and foolish 
 mate in the service, who having, on one occasion when 
 out shooting at Lisbon with a mess-mate, shot a bull 
 belonging to the beef-contractor, threw down his gun, 
 with horror in his features, exclaiming to his companion, 
 " Let us avoid the haunts of man !" Sometimes the story 
 told would have a pathetic interest, or a horrible one, 
 as when one of the mess told us of a ship that, having
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.N. 31 
 
 been the scene of many murders, became haunted to 
 such an extent, that no one on board her dared go to 
 bed sober, but everybody got drunk at sunset. After 
 such a narrative, would follow reminiscences of the 
 coast of Africa — of slave ships crammed with negroes, 
 each poor wretch having a tally round his neck, with a 
 number on it, to distinguish him from his fellows, in- 
 stead of a Christian name; of Drinkwater, a famous 
 slave-captain, once an officer in the navy, who, in a hot 
 chase, would loosen his rigging and stays to let the masts 
 work ; and of daring vessels, which, having got safe to 
 windward of an English cruiser in pursuit, would 
 hoist, in derisive triumph, a small nigger boy up to the 
 peak ! 
 
 But what are those shouts on deck this fine 
 
 night? It is past midnight, and all has hitherto been 
 still. " Top-men up to shake a reef out ! Top-mast 
 studding sails ready for setting. Keep her away !" Have 
 the French come at last ? " Hurra!" A foreign vessel 
 is trying to break the blockade. She has escaped the 
 eyes of the other vessels, being specially reserved for 
 Caliban, and we are oflP to capture her. 
 
 The helm having been put up, and sails trimmed, we 
 quickly gathered way, and got within hail of the 
 stranger, a large schooner — " Heave to," cried the 
 officer of the watch. There was no answer. " Lower 
 the cutter and I'll go on board," said the lieutenant. 
 This he did, and did proudly, for he expected to get 
 great credit for bringing the presumptuous stranger too. 
 But what was his disappointment ! — what was the dis- 
 appointment of Baggies — of all of us, when it was 
 discovered by the lieutenant that the schooner was the 
 tender of our own squadron ! whose officer in command 
 had gone to sleep. We returned — like a dog with his
 
 32 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 tail between liis legs — to our station in the order of 
 sailing, and furnished food for the laughter of the whole 
 fleet next morning at breakfast. 
 
 While the Caliban and other ships were thus wasting 
 their time and patience (how old Mehemet Ali must have 
 laughed at us, when smoking his chibouque,) the for- 
 tunate portion of the naval forces had done a brilliant 
 deed without our participation or knowledge ; a deed 
 which was to resound in Europe and echo over the globe. 
 The Revenge joined us one day, under full sail. Ex- 
 pectation was instantlj excited. An officer who came 
 on board told the story in an instant. — 
 
 " Acre is taken, and Le Mesurier killed !" 
 
 This was the final blow of the British arms against 
 that potentate, who, most of all living men, deserves a 
 comparison with Napoleon. The hypocritical juggler 
 who disgraces the French throne,* and aspires to such 
 a comparison, shrinks into the proportions of a dwarf, 
 compared with the profoundly wise, and nobly brave, 
 monarch who has introduced into the east, European 
 civilization and skill; and who is equally great in 
 council and in the field. The " balance of powder," it 
 seems, required that his designs of aggrandisement 
 should be checked, but his genius must command even 
 a fool's admiration, and his name will be remembered as 
 long as the old kings of his famous land — remembered 
 by his actions, as Cheops by his pyramid. 
 
 It was in November that the fleet, under Admiral 
 Stopford, approached St. Jean d'Acre, and demanded 
 that it should surrender. An indignant refusal was 
 returned, and boats were immediately sent from the 
 
 * N.B. — Mr. P.'s first work was puLhshed early in 1848. — Nerv 
 Edition.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.X. 33 
 
 squadron to lay down buoys. In the morning tlie Heet 
 got under way, and anchored inside these. Whether 
 this was the result of accident or design I know not, 
 but it had an important effect, for the gunners of the 
 battery on shore, thinking that the ships would anchor 
 where the buoys had been laid down, pointed their guns 
 beforehand, and blocked them up with bags of sand 
 The consequence was, that the shot from the batteries 
 flew all day long over the hulls of the English ships, 
 occasionally cutting away rigging, but not doing much 
 harm either to spars or men. 
 
 Different indeed was the way, in which the firing was 
 managed, on the part of the British fleet. Since the 
 destruction of the two cities — over whose foundations 
 the Dead Sea now rolls its bitter waters — no town, 
 perhaps, has been the victim of such fiery vengeance as 
 was this stronghold of the East, whose walls Napoleon 
 had attacked in vain. Showers of shot and shell poured 
 upon it — sweeping men from the guns as the autunui 
 winds sweep away the faded leaves ; smashing the guns 
 and their carriages — the houses and the walls, which 
 falling, crushed in the ruins the men who vainly at- 
 tempted to defend them. In the middle of the day, a 
 tremendous explosion was heard. The heavens were 
 darkened, and the strong ships trembled on the waters. 
 Rio-ht well had a shell from the Goro-on done its dutv. 
 Hissing through the air it went, like a Fury dispatched 
 from Hades, and fell into a magazine. When the noise 
 died away, hundreds of human beings, as well as poor 
 camels and asses, lay dead upon the ground. 
 
 In the evening boats and men landed. Acre had 
 fallen, and with it the last hopes of Mehemet All's 
 ambition. 
 
 Unfortunately the last hope of Percival Plug's warlike 
 
 c 3
 
 34 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 ambition also. Napier came down to Alexandria — the 
 affair was soon settled, and the " blockading squadron'' 
 departed for Marmorice Bay. 
 
 On our way thither we fell in with one of the most 
 tremendous gales that ever blew in the Mediterranean. 
 For two days I did not know what to think of the 
 matter, and expected to see the moon clean blown out 
 of the sky ; but, luckily, no such catastrophe occurred, 
 and in a short time I had the pleasure, in passing Rhodes, 
 of laughing at one of the most amusing spectacles I ever 
 saw. 
 
 Baggies, with a telescope, the size of, and uglier than, 
 a pump, was observed, on the poop looking anxiously 
 over the quarter, at the famous island — the Claram 
 Rhodon of Horace — the dwelling place of the proud 
 Knights of St. John. What could it be that thus moved 
 the curiosity of Baggies, that — penetrating through the 
 fat — was agitating his heart? 
 
 " Hum ! hum ! — can't see it — can't see it — hum !" 
 grunted Baggies, red with excitement. 
 
 " See what. Captain Baggies ?" asked an officer, who 
 was standing near him. 
 
 " The Colossus, sir, — the Colossus !" 
 
 The unfortunate Baggies had never heard of the de- 
 struction of that celebrated statue. If " ignorance is 
 bliss," he must have been a happy man. 
 
 Shortly afterwards the squadron arrived in Mar- 
 morice Bay, nearly opposite Rhodes, a bay, round, large, 
 and deep, with a narrow entrance, resembling a Dutch 
 jar in shape. It is surrounded by high mountains, and 
 altogether w^ould be a very jolly place to lie in, were 
 there but a civilized town on shore. 
 
 After our arrival came the Turkish fleet, freed at last
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 35 
 
 from Alexandria, liaving, en route, suffered dreadfully 
 from the gale, in which an unfortunate lieutenant was 
 drowned. He had been obliged to go aloft to cut away 
 the top-gallant masts — the seamanship of Turkish sailors 
 not enabling them to shorten sail in fresh breezes.
 
 36 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 THE EAST. 
 
 The time of the year is winter, but the weather is 
 mild, and Marmorice Bay is sheltered by the hills. 
 While the Caliban is lying there, with nothing to do, 
 and the Turkish fleet is equally idle, and a shade 
 more dirty — each ship, with its gaudy gilded stern, 
 looking like something between Noah's ark and a 
 lord mayor's barge — I beg to request the reader's 
 company to a slight excursion to the East — the land of 
 poetry and poverty ; of sweet flowers and deadly rep- 
 tiles ; of " airs from Heaven" fit to ventilate a paradise; 
 and of stenches that would terrify the sanitary com- 
 mission ; that would appal even those benevolent busy- 
 bodies, who will have — not a finger — but a nose — in 
 " everybody's pie : " and those professional philanthro- 
 pists, who " seek the bubble reputation, even in the 
 sewer s mouth." 
 
 It may be as well to premise, once for all, that this 
 work is not intended to be a consecutive narrative, but 
 essentially a sketch-book. I shall not say that the 
 Caliban went on such a day, to such a place ; for dur- 
 ing our commission, we went to the same places over 
 and over again ; but I shall describe what I have seen 
 and heard at various periods ; — giving as much personal 
 narrative, only, as may serve for a thread of connection
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 37 
 
 — a line to lead the reader through my labyrmthine 
 windings to the Fair Rosamond (so I flatter myself) 
 within. 
 
 Mount now reader, on the crupper of my Pegasus, 
 and let us go to Beyrout. 
 
 The East is like a painting by Turner — a very won- 
 derful production, but requiring to be seen — from a 
 certain distance. Stand, for example, on the deck of 
 your vessel, smoking your cigar, off Beyrout, shaded 
 by a closely spread awning to protect you from the 
 sun. You see a town before you of bright-coloured 
 buildings, looking like a house built of cards. It is 
 set in a beautiful country — low, but relieved by small 
 hills, and dotted by forests. Along the side of the 
 latter, runs a road, and the country is everywhere 
 intersected by lanes, with high banks on the sides, over- 
 grown by the rough green prickly-pear. In the dis- 
 tance are the mountains of Lebanon, high, barren, and 
 bare — wearing a light night-cap of snow on the summit ; 
 and even in their bosom having streaks of snow, in the 
 shaded portions, protected from, or deprived of, the 
 sun-god's smile. Down nearly to the water's edge, 
 some dozen miles from the town, are high rocks, be- 
 tween which, as if a passage had been cut for it by a 
 tremendous blow — rmis Dog River, where vessels 
 water. The town itself, stands close upon the edge of 
 the sea, and the foot of the old black castle is washed 
 by its waves, which break also over the top of some 
 small rocks peeping above the surface near the narrow 
 landing-place. Seen in summer time, when the bright 
 flowers are woven into the green of the country, the 
 spectacle is beautiful, but, as I said before, it must be 
 seen from a certain distance. " Keep your distance," 
 and your impressions will be one sensation of delight.
 
 38 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 and the views will long after rise to your memory, 
 cheering you in the " Fog-Babylon," as Carlyle hath 
 it, called town. But approach nearer, and your enthu- 
 siasm diminishes. As the boat nears the shore, just as 
 she turns round the point to go in, there comes from it, 
 a fearful stench. On that point stands the slaughter- 
 house, and down its sides runs the putrifying blood of 
 a week's sacrifice! You would think that they had 
 been offering up a hecatomb to the devil, and meant 
 the smell to be in keeping wdth the occasion. The boat 
 hurries past, and soon you land at the narrow, slippery 
 stairs on the right-hand, opposite the Castle. You 
 enter a narrow town — pass through the streets with 
 their bazaars of gaudy trumpery ; and securing a 
 wretched horse, with a wooden contrivance for a saddle 
 and its deficient trappings, helped out by knotty ropes 
 and coarse cloths — depart for an afternoon ride. The 
 lanes are dusty, and, perhaps, the sea-breeze benevo- 
 lently stirs them. An hour or two gives you a slight 
 coating, and the dust getting into your eyes, fits you 
 admirably for a calm poetical contemplation of the 
 scenery. In the meantime, huge blue-bottle flies coolly 
 settle themselves on your quadruped to lunch, insen- 
 sible alike to the lashing of his tail and your whip. 
 When you come back from your pleasure excursion, 
 what refreshment would you like ? You are at liberty 
 to help yourself to a cup (the size of your grandmo- 
 ther's thimble) of muddy coff'ee without sugar or milk, 
 with a nargilly that won't draw, or a glass of weak 
 lemonade, which nearly chokes you — it is so full of 
 pips ! Beware of the brandy — unless you like aniseed ; 
 and you must indeed be a profound oriental scholar if 
 you don't quarrel about the change of piastres with 
 your host — a Maltese, who has, most probably, been
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG^ K.N. 39 
 
 obliged to fly his native island. As for tlie heat of 
 Beyrout, it is intense and overpowering. For a great 
 part of the summer months the sea is not visited by a 
 breeze during the whole day. I have known the ther- 
 mometer under the Caliban's poop, in the shade, stand 
 for weeks together at 90°. The parts of the ship ex- 
 posed to the sun's rays grew so hot as to render it 
 impossible, for you to retain your hand upon it for any 
 time ; and if w^e removed at night from the cock-pit, 
 where the heat was above 100°, to take a nap o^^ deck, 
 it was nothing uncommon for a man to find himself, 
 on awaking, pinned — like Gulliver — to the deck, the 
 pitch of the seams having melted, and kept fast his 
 clothes — sometimes even his hair ! Thus, the East 
 has its disadvantages as well as its beauties ; and I 
 would recommend my readers, when they encounter 
 in society a travelled bore, who raves about the latter 
 exclusively, to say to him — " Yes, sir, Syria is indeed, 
 a ' land of roses,' but when you were there how did 
 you like to encounter, in your daily ramble, a dead 
 camel? Was its odour or that of the roses predo- 
 minant? How many such pleasing objects did you 
 meet for one Lalla Rookh ? " This will check most 
 bores of the species ; even Lord Caskobeer (should 
 you have the ill-luck to meet him), whom I saw at 
 Beyrout, wearing trowsers of enormous width — perfect 
 wind-sails — of what may be called the butchers'-blue 
 pattern, and a huge-brimmed straw hat, such as the 
 peasants in a pastoral opera wear. He had escaped the 
 bitter ridicule of Lord Bubbleby, which always greeted 
 him in the Lords, and was now writing a book of 
 travels of enormous size, to tell the people of Eng- 
 land what he had for dinner abroad, and other import- 
 ant matters, and was very intimate with Captain
 
 40 PERSONAL KEMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Ransacker, of H. M. steamer, Hookit, who was known 
 us Lion Ransacker, and who, when ordered home, 
 sailed from Malta in the middle of the night, rather 
 unexpectedly. There were some persons on shore, 
 by the way, who did not hesitate to say, on that 
 occasion, that the captain's large bills, had something 
 to do with this nocturnal sailing, as daytime would 
 have done very well for it; but as these were mere 
 honest tradesmen, and the captain wore large whiskers, 
 and had a swaggering air, nobody paid much attention 
 to them. 
 
 Beyrout is not without warlike attractions, as the 
 Druses and Maronites are perpetually fighting, burning 
 each other's villages, and carrying off each other's 
 cattle. It is by no means improbable that yovi may 
 drop on a pitched battle, going on in a quiet valle}, 
 and view it comfortably from the top of a house. 
 Should you be a fighting man, your aid will be wel- 
 comely received, but take care to get on the strongest 
 side if possible. With respect to their relative merits, 
 it is right to give the preference to the Maronites, who 
 profess Christianity, but you must be guided by cir- 
 cumstances. Young Elson, a friend of mine, in the 
 Caliban, fought a whole afternoon with the Druses, 
 and did not find out his mistake, till it was too late to 
 go over to the other side. I took care to keep the safe 
 side — that is the top of the house aforesaid, on the 
 ^'^ suave mari magno, Sfc.,^^ principle of Lucretius. 
 
 Watering at Dog River, is an operation, which, next 
 to the total want of water, is perhaps the most disagree- 
 able in the world. As the Caliban was never managed 
 like any other vessel, a great deal of water was wasted, 
 and the consequence was, that the duty of watering 
 fell very frequently upon us ; and then it was per-
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 41 
 
 formed at Dog River. That beautiful little stream 
 after running down to the shore between the rocks, 
 forms a bed for itself near the edge, and makes a kind 
 of small lake. Now, as a strong surf continually beats 
 upon the beach, the shingle and stones are heaped up 
 on the narrow entrance to it, and consequently the 
 passage is so shallow that no boat can pass through, 
 except at particular periods. This renders it necessary 
 to send engines on shore with hoses attached to them, 
 and leading to the boats anchored in the surf. Besides 
 this, a great number of casks are pitched overboard ; 
 the men stripped to their waist, plunge over also, and 
 pushing them before them, swim on shore. Here they 
 fill them, and make them fast with " toggles," to ropes 
 leading from the boats, which tow them on board — 
 laden also inside — by slow and laborious exertions. 
 All the work which I have thus briefly described, is 
 done under a scorching sun, and in a roaring surf. The 
 skin crackles on your face, and your lips swell and peel. 
 Who can describe the delightful effect, of a glass of 
 cold brandy-and-water, on coming on board, after such 
 an expedition ? 
 
 I cannot better conclude this chapter, devoted to 
 Beyrout and the vicinity, than by narrating the melan 
 choly adventure which happened to Lieutenant Bulbous 
 and Mr. O'Doodle, of H.M. brig Snob, when lying there, 
 three years after the time of the Caliban. The Snob 
 was a beautiful brig of the Symondite build, and 
 O'Doodle and I, had many very pleasant days in her ; 
 for I belonged to her after the Caliban had left the 
 station, though not at the period when Bulbous's adven- 
 ture took place. 
 
 The Snob was lying near the town, and the Esk, 
 whose captain w^as senior officer, was lying at Dog
 
 42 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 River. Letters and despatches arrived on board the 
 Snob, and Bulbous was directed by the commander to 
 proceed with the latter, first to the Esk and subse- 
 quently on shore to the consul. Mr. O'Doodle accom- 
 panied him as midshipman of the boat. 
 
 Bulbous was a little, fat, pompous man, who was 
 bent on two things — dignity and comfort. Like Gar- 
 rick between the tragic and the comic muses. Bulbous 
 was divided between his regard for his dignity and his 
 belly. Between the two he was sometimes in a tanta- 
 lising position. Thus, "dignity" made him desirous 
 to keep his inferior officers at a distance, but " comfort" 
 prompted him to come and have a chat with you, and a 
 cup of your coffee. It was amusing to watch the 
 struggle, and see how " comfort" invariably got the 
 best of it. 
 
 On the occasion in question, when the boat started 
 on its long journey, dignity was predominant, and 
 dashed with a little sulkiness, made him rather 
 disagreeable. After some hours' pulling, the boat 
 reached the Esk, and while Bulbous was delivering 
 the despatches, my friend, O'Doodle, took care to 
 procure for the midshipman's berth a couple of " stone- 
 masons" of good strong Hollands — bottles, the sight of 
 which at any time would rouse into animation the 
 coldest individual, but how much more if he was just 
 starting at the beginning of a long evening, on a ten 
 miles' pull ? It is not in human nature, to be sulky 
 with two such bottles in view, and Bulbous began to 
 relax. His fat cheeks glowed ; the dewlap under his 
 chin wagged ; his little eye sparkled merrily, and he 
 began to nudge O'Doodle, with the air of a jolly fellow. 
 
 " What say you to trying one of these, sir ? " said 
 O'Doodle.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 43 
 
 " I'm sure I see no objection." 
 
 Out went the cork, and in an instant that little 
 '^ rattle in the throat" was heard, which, in a bottle, as 
 in a man, tells that the spirit is about to depart. '^Hah ! 
 Capital stuff that. Where the deuce did the Esks get 
 hold of it ? Are you ready for another ? " 
 
 Round went the bottle, and this time the crew were 
 helped to a glass. This invigorated them, and they 
 " gave way" lustily. Once more round went the plea- 
 sure-bringer, and again, — and again. 
 
 " I don't think," mused Bulbous, "that a song would 
 do us any harm. "Wlio can give us a song ? " he cried. 
 " Jones, lay on your oar and give us a song." 
 
 Jones complied, and then Hobson and Dobbs ; and 
 then Bulbous himself, and O'Doodle. 
 
 The second bottle was broached, and now the men 
 began to " catch crabs," and very little progress was 
 made. They splashed each other with the oars, and 
 roared in the most discordant manner. Poor O'Doodle 
 put his head under his wing, and took a nap. At last 
 the boat reached the shore. Bulbous went up to the 
 consul's house with the despatches, and the men began 
 to quarrel and fight. O'Doodle interfered to prevent 
 them, and was knocked into the water. One man got 
 stabbed with a knife. 
 
 By this time their absence had excited surprise on 
 board, and a boat was sent for them. They were taken 
 off to the Snob — poor O'Doodle being attired a la Turc, 
 having changed his wet clothes for an oriental garb ! 
 Dignity had once more become predominant in Bulbous, 
 and he walked a long time haughtily about the deck. 
 Both of them were punished for this offence by dismis- 
 sal from the service, which finished their naval career, 
 and finishes this chapter.
 
 44 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER yi. 
 
 SMYRNA. PLAINS OF TROY. SYRACUSE. 
 
 Need I enumerate in detail the various voyages of the 
 Caliban from the period of her leaving Marmorice 
 Bay ? Need I tell how we were sent from port to port, 
 wherever the most work was to be done and the least 
 credit to be got for it ; how we were sometimes 
 baked at Bey rout and sometimes buried at Gibraltar? 
 And all this was owing to the fact that Baggies was 
 a nobody ; sprung from no " lofty lineage," boasting 
 no connections in the peerage, and no relations at the 
 '' board." It should have been remembered by the com- 
 mander-in-chief, that if the escutcheon of the Baggies 
 family was humble, it was at least without a stain ; that 
 all his progenitors were decently married in the parish 
 church by banns ; and neither sold their consciences 
 nor ruined their tailors. The latter half of the nine- 
 teenth century will look into these matters more closely, 
 and then, perhaps, people will begin to question the 
 propriety of giving the command of men-of-war to mere 
 aristocratic popinjays, who keep piano-fortes in their 
 cabins, and use the ship's boats for the conveyance to 
 and fro of the idle travellers, who fly periodically, like 
 swallows, from their native country, to yawn abroad, 
 as they had yawned at home, destitute of energy, and 
 incapable of thought.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 45 
 
 We were sent, as I said before, to the most disagree- 
 able duties ; and without tracing our journeys, I will 
 sketch some of the different places which we visited in 
 the course of our three years commission. I will now 
 return to the east. 
 
 Claudian, a silvery poet of the iron age of poetry, 
 has devoted his thirty-fifth epigram to a description of 
 the port of Smyrna. I shall not quote it, first, because 
 nobody reads him now, and, secondly, because I mean 
 to describe it myself. The reader must take my strokes 
 instead of his lines. Fancy then a dense, compact town, 
 consisting of narrow streets, intersecting each other like 
 the lines of network ; fancy this town situated at the 
 foot of hills, one of which has an old, sombre, Mrs. 
 Ratcliflfe-looking kind of a castle on the top of it, which 
 was built by a brother of the great Norman, the con- 
 queror of England. Fancy again that this town stands 
 at the end of a long, narrow gulf, on the sides of which 
 wild fowl breed, paint it in your mind's eye of various 
 bright hues ; ornament it with a few flag-staffs, bearing 
 the colours of the nations of the different consuls ; ima- 
 gine behind it an immense expanse of verdant plains, 
 spotted by pretty villages and shaded by noble trees ; 
 and you can form some idea of Smyrna and its envi- 
 rons. This was one of the famous seven candlesticks 
 of the Revelations — now unhappily snuffed out ; and 
 this was the town in which Polycarp had a large, and 
 decidedly unpleasant stake. It is divided, strange to 
 say, into three quarters. Of these, the Franks or Euro- 
 peans have one ; the Armenians another ; and the Jews, 
 who seldom have quarter given them anywhere, are 
 permitted to possess the third. I know no city^where 
 the traveller is so apt to lose his way, and so unlikely 
 to find it again. It is positively labyrinthine, " a
 
 46 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 mighty maze/' and quite " without a plan," and how is 
 an Englishman — knowing, like a true born Briton, no 
 language but his own — to make himself intelligible to 
 those sleepy looking, turbaned old gentlemen, sitting in 
 their doorways, and possessing scarcely sufficient ani- 
 mation to pufF out their tobacco-smoke ? As for con- 
 sulting one of those dark-eyed, languishing-looking 
 women, with the complexion of the olive, and lips of 
 the rose, bewai-e how^ you venture on that. Civilities 
 to women in the East — particularly from Englishmen 
 — have but one interpretation put upon them, and are 
 answered by the weapons of the men. The articles of 
 commerce to be procured at Smyrna, are Turkish and 
 Persian carpets, and cherry brandy ; tobacco and me- 
 lons, hollands and curacoa. It is possible, that there 
 may be many more for aught I know. But I speak in 
 preference, of those which I have tried, and as for the 
 last I mentioned, I love the very sight of the jolly old 
 Dutch galliots which bear them in their capacious holds. 
 Smyrna boasts many English families, so that you 
 can enjoy tea and small talk, — with a dash of sherry 
 and scandal, just for a relish if your tastes run that 
 way. I observed one curious fact of the habit of the 
 English there, viz., that they look down upon those of 
 their countrymen who have been longest settled there, 
 calling them Smyrniotes. This, indeed, may be remarked 
 of English settlers generally, that the man who has been 
 most at home is best thought of; for it is a melancholy 
 fact that people feel uncomfortable abroad, who would 
 be miserable if they were in England. Cannot they be 
 satisfied, with plains that always flourish, and a sky that 
 never frowns ; with cheap luxuries, and an easy exis- 
 tence; and must they sigh for "fog-Babylon," taxes, 
 and the influenza ?
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 47 
 
 The hotels are very indifferent, and I do not think 
 that you will find the autograph of Percival Plug in the 
 travellers'-book of any of them. In fact, I tried to dis- 
 courao-e the system of autograph writing generally. 
 What possible use can it be to a civilized creature to 
 be made aware of the fact that " Mr. Tomkins, of 
 Clapham, had a good night's sleep here," or that *^ Mrs. 
 Buggin's fowls worn't cooked properly ? " 
 
 As little pleasure is to be had in the town, let the 
 traveller take a horse and gallop over the splendid 
 plains — perhaps the most beautiful in the world — to 
 visit the neighbouring villages, the nearest of which (if 
 I remember right) is Bonabat. But before he gives 
 his horse the bridle, let him pause on the Camel's 
 Bridge, which the caravans cross on leaving the town ; 
 and turning to the right and left, contemplate on one 
 side the magnificent cypress forest which forms the 
 Turkish cemetery; and on the other, the bright ex- 
 panse of the country. The first is the perfection of 
 shade ; the last of light ; and if the one has a greater 
 interest, as the last resting place of the departed, the 
 other, by its bright beauty, is calculated to dissipate 
 the gloomy impression which the sight of a thousand 
 tombs makes on the thoughtful mind. 
 
 Slight was the impression, however, which it made 
 on the minds of the merry party of midshipmen that 
 galloped over the bridge one day, when the Caliban 
 was lying at anchor near the town. There were Berke- 
 ley and myself, and half-a-dozen of the most reckless 
 fellows in the mess, each mounted on an extraordinary 
 quadruped, which no man could ride in London without 
 being mobbed immediately. The high roads were neg- 
 lected. It was determined to proceed "across country," 
 and at full gallop we went, through the hedges, and
 
 48 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 into the ditches, leaping and scrambling, and tumbling, 
 in a way in which no class of human beings except 
 midshipmen ever ride. If one got an opportunity of 
 lashing another's horse it was never neglected, and the 
 greatest triumph was achieved if it could be done in 
 such a manner as to unseat the rider. The nearest 
 village (such is the progress of civilisation !) furnished 
 London bottled stout, which had a considerable in- 
 fluence on the ride back. On our return back we 
 secured partridges for dinner, and the evening was 
 spent at a kind of masked ball, given by the Greeks. 
 To this day I shudder at the remembrance of the 
 fearful odours which permeated the room where the 
 company perpetrated what they called dancing. They 
 compelled me to indulge in a large number of glasses 
 of lemonade and brandy, which had the effect of making 
 me lose my way on leaving the room, and I would 
 probably have wandered all night but for a kind Sa- 
 maritan — a young Scotchman I mean — who, recog- 
 nising a countryman by my voice (we speak the purest 
 accent in our part of Scotland), conducted me to the 
 wharf. 
 
 On the whole, I consider Smyrna a very pleasant 
 place, and I shall not forget in a hurry the snug 
 
 dinners of Mr. B , our consul there, a jolly old 
 
 gentleman who has the jovial, gentlemanly bofihommie of 
 the old school, without their pomposity. In case these 
 pages should meet his eye, I venture to ask him if he 
 has any of that capital hock left ? 
 
 Let us now depart to another scene. Among the 
 places in the East visited by the Mediterranean squad- 
 ron is Beshika, or Basika Bay, near the mouth of the 
 Hellespont — for I won't call it the Dardanelles — and
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 49 
 
 just opposite Tenedos. This is a convenient watering- 
 place, which constitutes its only attraction in a utilita- 
 rian point of view. But " lives there a man with soul 
 so dead," &c., who will not feel a rush of enthusiasm, 
 when he remembers, that there are those plains of Troy, 
 infinitely more familiar to his youth than the plain of 
 Salisbury? Who can look unmoved on those fields 
 where the Hector and Achilles of his boyish days were 
 wont to contend. Have we been birched in vain ? Did 
 we then, remain ignorant of science, and French, of 
 modern history and modern discovery, of the mysteries 
 of statistics, and the value of commerce, for the sake of 
 knowing Priam better than George HI; Hecuba better 
 than Queen Anne ; Achilles than Marlborough ; the 
 Scamander than the Thames ; mythology than Chris- 
 tianity ; — and shall we not be able to muster a decent 
 show of classical enthusiasm on the very plains of Troy? 
 Alas ! I fear that such is generally the case. Sucli was 
 the case with us in the Caliban, at all events. Baggies, 
 of course, had never heard of Troy, with the exception 
 of having some hazy notions about " troy weiglit ;" but 
 we all of us went off shooting red-legged partridges in 
 the neighbourhood, in as matter of fact a manner, at- 
 tired in shooting coats, just as if we were in Kent. In 
 fact, there is nothing to be seen but barren plains 
 covered with furze bushes, and one or two mounds, 
 which pass for the barrows of heroes. A sad place, 
 truly; but there are sadder things than death in this 
 world. Rightly considered, the saddest thing about 
 those plains, to one who remembers the god-like story 
 is, that there are people who deny the whole affair, and 
 that modern criticism doubts the personal existence of 
 the bard. 
 
 The partridges are not numerous nor good, and the 
 
 VOL I. D
 
 50 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 country is not beautiful. The Scamander is repre- 
 sented now by a small bright stream, winding its way 
 through some trees, and boasting one old water-mill 
 of the most primitive construction. Different is this 
 poor brook from the river where the Trojan maidens 
 used to come to offer, in a spirit of religious liberality, 
 that most valuable sacrifice — their charms — to the 
 river-god !* 
 
 Opposite Basika Bay stands old Tenedos, rocky and 
 black. He too has no advantage to recommend him to 
 a resident, except partridges. The wine which this 
 island produces is the most drinkable of all the modern 
 wines in that part of the country, and mulled, will be 
 found pretty tolerable. As for the others, no human 
 being who had ever tasted sherry, would attempt to 
 
 " Fill high the bowl with Samian wine/' 
 
 except for the purpose of emptying it out of the window. 
 It has a sickly, sweet, unpleasant taste, as if it had been 
 flavoured with resin and bad honey. 
 
 On a fine summer evening, when the sun is sinking 
 slowly in golden pomp in the west, a spectator at the 
 water's edge in Basika Bay, will see the summit of 
 Mount Athos just raised above the horizon, and gilded 
 by the light, at a distance of about forty miles. This 
 is the mountain between which and the main land, the 
 
 * The curious reader will find a piquant anecdote connected 
 with this custom in the article " Scamander," in the Dictionary 
 of Bayle, told with all the lively wit and curious erudition for 
 which he is distinguished. — Note to First Edition. 
 
 [Boys take to reading Bayle as they do to smoking — prema- 
 turely ; but the story is poetic, though in Bayle.]
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 51 
 
 Persian monarch was said to have cut a passage for his 
 fleet. 
 
 " Creditur ohm, 
 Vehfic atus Athos " — 
 
 says Juvenal, contemptuously. It is now the seat of 
 many convents, and has received in consequence the 
 title of the Holy Mountain. I believe I am right in 
 saying that those modern enthusiasts, who still enter- 
 tain the hope of being able to expound the Revelations, 
 believe it to be the " glorious holy mountain," on which 
 the great Prince Michael is to fix his tabernacle. The 
 navigation near the entrance of the Hellespont is very 
 dangerous, and it fell to our lot, once or twice, when 
 lying at Basika Bay in the Caliban, to have to assist 
 vessels that had run ashore on the rocks of Rabbit 
 Island, on which occasions, while the lieutenant com- 
 manding the party, and the men composing it, were 
 employed throwing overboard the cargo to lighten the 
 grounded vessel, and laying out anchors with hawsers 
 to haul her ofP, it sometimes happened that the mid- 
 shipmen of the boats were more agreeably occupied 
 below, with those refreshments which every well-regu- 
 lated skipper's cabin contains. And a very comfortable 
 place a skipper's cabin is ; "a little dirty, but no less 
 divine." To be sure, the apartment in question is 
 narrow, the roof low, chairs ricketty, skylight muddy, 
 and floor damp. In addition to which, it is not perhaps 
 pleasant, to sit in the vicinity of the unmade bed of a 
 middle-aged gentleman, sparing in his ablutions ; and a 
 strict philanthropist would wince at the sight of the 
 "colt" made of good inch-and-a-half, suspended on 
 yonder peg, on the cabin door, for the exclusive 
 regulation of the " captain's boy." But let the said 
 
 D 2 
 
 IIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITT «f rWWM
 
 52 TERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 boy, summoned by the captain's indignant roar, and 
 welcomed by an execration and a threat, place the por- 
 tentous sized jar — the classic araphora — on the table ; 
 light your cigar, slap the old boy on the back (if you 
 have your glove on), and I promise you a pleasant hour 
 — at least if you are one of those Linnaean observers of 
 human nature who, aspiring to the classification of the 
 varieties (^ the human plant, don't hesitate to seek it 
 flnywhere, on sea, mountain, or plain — loving to play 
 with the "flowers" of the race, but not hesitatinij to 
 grasp the nettles. Among the "sea-weeds" of the 
 species will such an enquirer find some extraordinary 
 specimens. T have met many landsmen who thought 
 Mr. Dickens' Cuttle an impossible character, — a kind 
 of Caliban, existing only in imagination, and certainly 
 supernatural — but no nautical men, who could not 
 easily fancy the existence in a quite earthly sphere, 
 of " Ed'ard." Let this remark of mine console Mr. 
 Dickens, and " when seen, make a note of I " 
 
 It is not strictly regular in this part of my book, 
 devoted to the East, to speak of Syracuse ; but in my 
 discursive way I find it more convenient to say a few 
 words of it now. 
 
 There is the fine wide harbour, and the white and 
 airy-looking town. On the left (larboard) side of the 
 vessel, lying with its head towards it, stretches a long, 
 flat, marshy country, fertile in papyrus, and sheltering 
 to snipe. The streets are filled with the indolent and 
 sensual population ; and among them you may see the 
 cavalry capering on their small black horses, and di- 
 minutive infantry in blue trowsers, with big muskets, 
 which they appear incapable of using. May all the 
 tools of tyranny (whether human or otherwise) bo 
 equally feeble and few !
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL TLUG, R.N. 53 
 
 The English traveller must pay half-a-crown here for 
 his bottle of porter, and content himself with a mule t(3 
 ride on (unless he prefers a goat). Let me recommend 
 a huge mulberry tree near the watering-place. Of 
 course, nobody neglects going to see Dionysius's Ear, 
 which famous prison is in excellent preservation. 
 
 Verily, " the evil that men do lives after them !" 
 The "solemn temples" of ancient Sicily; the exquisite 
 statuary; those splendid works of art, consecrated to 
 religion, which enriched the plunderer Verres ; the 
 senate-house where Cicero paraded his Greek ; the 
 tomb marked with a sphere and cylinder, which, in a 
 happier hour, the orator brought to light : all these, 
 where are they? Who shall point out the dust to 
 which they have mouldered ? But this Satanic creation 
 — this monstrous invention of a tyrant's brain — stands 
 now, almost ready for immediate use ! A little brush- 
 ing up would, I actually believe, render it once more 
 serviceable. Could not certain politicians be brought to 
 subscribe ? 
 
 Some speculative character has contrived means by 
 which to hoist up a chair to a chamber in the rock, 
 about eighty feet high. This they call the place where 
 the crafty old tyrant stationed himself. A little pow- 
 der fired off from a pistol at the entrance to the Ear, 
 makes a sound which reverberates through it like thun- 
 der — rolling from side to side in a fearful manner. 
 
 It is to Syracuse that the squadron go for water, 
 when Malta runs short of it. On this service went 
 the Caliban thither ; and having completed it, left the 
 harbour — as we will do now.
 
 54 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 THE BRIG SNOB. 
 
 Perhaps, on the whole, I enjoyed myself more in 
 H. M. Brig Snob, than either in the Caliban, the 
 Orson, or the Preposterous, — which vessels had the 
 honour of my company at various periods — the Snob 
 following next after the Caliban. Reader, did you 
 ever see the Snob ? She was a sixteen gun brig, of the 
 Symondite build, with ma^ts raking slightly, beauti- 
 fully bright copper; a ferocious-looking figure head, 
 sitting a little by the stern, and painted black, with a 
 thin white riband round her. The port-sills were not 
 painted red, as in some small craft, but had a share of 
 the bright orange tint which coloured the inside. In 
 fact, the Snob had the dashing look of an opium clip- 
 per, or slave ship, toned down into somewhat of the 
 respectability of a man-of-war in times of peace. She 
 was a vessel of decidedly irregular habits at sea, diving 
 and jumping like a porpoise, without any regard to the 
 comfort of those inside ; but swift as an arrow, and 
 rapid in turning as a weathercock. She never went 
 over a meeting wave — did not condescend to do that — 
 but dashed her nose impetuously through it; jerked 
 back slightly with the shock, quivered a little, and 
 then dashed onwards, after giving a shower to every- 
 body on deck.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCITAL PLUG, R.X. 55 
 
 I had several reasons for joining the Snob after the 
 departure of the Caliban for England. In the first 
 place, a small craft is more free and easy in regard to 
 discipline, — and besides, moves about a great deal, and 
 sees the best and most curious parts of a station. The 
 Snob was a great deal in the Archipelago, or '' up the 
 arches," as the sailors call it ; and that part of the 
 world I shall touch on by and bye. 
 
 The Snob was commanded by Captain Delamere, a 
 gentleman of family, polished manners, and refined 
 education. As an officer, he governed less by discipline 
 than tact, — managing the ship more as the president of 
 a republic than the despot of an empire. His treat- 
 ment of his officers was distinguished by one principle 
 of liberality very different from the general custom, 
 viz., this : — that he treated the junior officers with 
 more consideration than their seniors, knowing well 
 that the rank of a lieutenant enables him to take far 
 better care of himself than that of a midshipman, and 
 that the latter, of course, requires greater encourage- 
 ment. This had the effect of making him, to a certain 
 degree, unpopular with the lieutenants. But who were 
 they ? Why, there was Hireling, the first lieutenant, 
 and Bulbous the second (whose melancholy catastrophe 
 I gave above). Besides these, the gun-room officers 
 were Dalton the purser, Leonard the surgeon, and the 
 master. The midshipman's berth contained O'Doodle, 
 Streatham, Bowler the clerk, and myself — besides Cal- 
 lender the assistant surgeon. 
 
 When I joined the Snob, I found the mess rejoicing 
 in two things — plentitude of debt, and absence of liquor. 
 Bad management had caused the first — the drinking 
 propensities of Bowler the second. For Bowler having 
 found it impossible to live without a bottle of rum pei'
 
 56 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES ANT) 
 
 diem, had so drank tliat lie had endangered his life, and 
 it had been found necessary to prohibit the mess from 
 getting rum, on that account, or from having any pri- 
 vate supplies on board. The order was strictly carried 
 out by Hireling, the first lieutenant, avIio, the better to 
 ensure it, employed the sergeant of marines (a man 
 quite after his own heart) to act as a spy upon the 
 mess. As our berth was situated on the lower deck, 
 and its door faced straight forward, this was an easy 
 matter. We used however to deceive the spy occa- 
 sionally. A midshipman would procure a black bottle, 
 fill it with water, and cork it up. We would then 
 take an opportunity of displaying it to him, as if by 
 accident. He would rush to the capture with the 
 eagerness of an exciseman, and soon find himself wofully 
 disappointed. 
 
 Hireling had been brought up in a good school. 
 His father having commanded a convict-hulk, he had 
 been educated on board, amidst all those scenes of 
 refinement which a convict-hulk may be supposed to 
 display. He had served, after joining the service, 
 under one of the old school, who prided himself on 
 being able to abuse a man for a quarter of an hour, 
 without using the same expression twice ! Under this 
 Billingsgate Quintilian, young Hireling, with good 
 natural talents for picking up what was low (and that 
 only), had acquired a copiousness of diction that a 
 fish-fag might envy in despair. He was, of course, 
 destitute of letters (I doubt if he had ever heard of 
 Gibbon, for example); he used to behave with servility 
 to those above him, and tyranny to those below ; he 
 would walk among the men, giving a kick to one, and 
 interchanging a coarse and very stupid joke with 
 another. In the absence of the commander, he used to
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 07 
 
 drill the crew for the sake of tormenting them. He 
 knew nothing of truth except the name, and would 
 have sold his soul to anybody foolish enough to risk an 
 outlay in so worthless a bargain. 
 
 "Main-top-gallant-yard, there !" you would hear him 
 cry. " You've a head, and so has a scupper-nail and a 
 pumpkin !" 
 
 He liked to see men punished, and gloated over the 
 exhibition of a floo-oino; with the blood-thirstiness of a 
 hyaena — which animal he resembled in ferocity, as he 
 did the baboon in outward appearance. So much for 
 him! 
 
 Having determined to clear off the mess debt, if 
 possible, Bowler was made caterer, and insisted on the 
 most regular payments, and the most rigid economy. 
 
 " What ! twice to beef, Mr. Plug ? Good heavens, 
 sir ! how can the mess afford that ?" 
 
 " Really, Bowler"— 
 
 " Now boys," Bowler would continue, placing a small 
 leg of mutton before us, " here's a dinner fit for a king. 
 Carefully with the salt, O'Doodle ; salt's deuced dear 
 in this part of the world. Why, what are you staring 
 at, Mr. Streatham?" 
 
 This was a dialogue one day at sea. 
 
 " Upon my soul," said Streatham, who had just been 
 helped, "I hardly know. — I say. Plug, do you perceive 
 anvthincp odd about that mutton ?" 
 
 " Why," said I, inspecting, " nothing very odd for 
 this mess — but it's scarcely fit to eat !" 
 
 " And this," cried Bowler, " is my reward for weeks 
 of anxious care I To be snubbed and reproached by a 
 parcel of whelps, none of whtmi were out of longclothes 
 when I came to sea I" 
 
 On which the crood old man retired in a fit of sorrow 
 
 D 3
 
 58 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 to his office, over the bull's eye of which we used 
 always to place a coil of ropes, to deprive him of the 
 benefit of the lio-ht. We thought he bore with the bad 
 state of the supplies very well himself; but his resigna- 
 tion was easily explained one afternoon, by our seeing 
 the mess servant take a small private dish of ham and 
 fried potatoes in to him ! 
 
 x^nd we found out, after he left the ship, that while 
 paying off one debt he had been contracting another ; 
 that he had supplied himself with private hams at our 
 expense, and that there was a deficit in the accounts of 
 the mess which could not be explained. In fact, we 
 led a very strange life, what with one thing and ano- 
 ther. At sea we were sometimes living on ship's dough 
 and sugar, and in harbour on the choicest viands — 
 Burgundy and Champagne ; for after the departure of 
 Bowler* (who was succeeded by pleasant Mr. Grub) 
 we got permission to have supplies of drinkables in the 
 regular way. 
 
 Hireling was not always without the annoyances 
 which such people too often escape. He had taken it 
 into his head to ornament the vessel ; and as his taste 
 was rather of the bagman order, it displayed itself in 
 ludicrous instances of gaudy tinsel adornment. Our 
 figure-head in the Snob was the form of an animal for 
 which Hireling had, I presume, a fellow-feeling; for 
 he determined to add a tongue to it, which, by what 
 
 * " Poor old Bowler," writes Plug to me, from H.M.S. Blue- 
 bottle (1852); "he is since dead! — Eequiescat! Thou wert a 
 grand old bon-vivant of the school of Toby Philpot, Bowler ! and, 
 as Christopher Anstey says — 
 
 'O'er thy tomb may pot-blossoms and marjorams wave, 
 And fat be the gander that feeds on thy grave.' " 
 
 — Editor.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 59 
 
 he considered shameful neglect, had been omitted. 
 Accordingly, he had one made of his favourite metal, 
 lead — had it painted of a glaring crimson colour, 
 and stuck in the mouth. A little afterwards Captain 
 Delamere was coming on board, and, as usual, passed 
 round the vessel to observe her appearance, in which 
 he felt a natural pride. Round the stern he went, and 
 and along the sides — marked the furl of the sails, saw 
 that the ropes were all taut, nothing hanging over- 
 board, and so forth. At length he crossed the bows, 
 and his eye caught the "ornament" appended bv 
 Hireling. He steered alongside forthwith, and came 
 on board. 
 
 " iVIr. Hireling ?" 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 " Take that thing out of the mouth of the figure-head, 
 if jou please, sir I" 
 
 Poor Hireling bowed in a melancholy manner, and 
 had the order executed — revenging himself by abusing 
 the commander at the few and rather disreputable 
 dinner-tables to which he had admission on shore. 
 
 Not long after the departure of tlie Caliban, an 
 adventure worth recording happened to Berkeley, who, 
 like myself, had determined to remain on the station. 
 A delusive impression had become general about this 
 time among the midshipmen of the squadron that it 
 was necessary, at some period or other of their career, 
 to have an hostile encounter. This was to be attri- 
 buted partly to the influence of Mr. Lever's fictions, 
 (did you ever read one of them, the hero of which did 
 not invariably fight a duel and ride a steeple-chase ?) 
 and partly to the fact that duelling had been strictly 
 prohibited by the Admiralty, which, as a matter of
 
 Co PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 course, had a natural tendency to stir independent 
 minds into hostile exertion at once. The result of this 
 popular feeling was a general investment in pistols of 
 large dimensions. I was therefore not surprised when 
 Berkeley came on board one evening and informed me 
 that he was determined on taking immediate vengeance 
 on Crickett, a marine officer of the Polypus, for grossly 
 insulting him in the opera. That a deadly insult had 
 been given, so Berkeley said, there could be no doubt. 
 He had exercised the privilege of hissing, and making 
 other sounds in the pit, on which a marine officer sitting 
 at some distance behind him had taken an opportunity 
 of exclaiming, rather loudly, that such conduct was 
 decidedly ungentlemanly. Of the marine officer he 
 had got a glimpse, and on inquiry afterwards found 
 that he was the Crickett aforesaid. This was an ad- 
 mirable opportunity for vindicating the dignity of the 
 profession. He had long been resolved to have a 
 crack at somebody, and Crickett (as a marine officer, 
 and therefore naturally of small value) would do very 
 well. 
 
 " So you see," concluded Berkeley, " old fellow, I 
 came off to secure you at once, and show my friendship 
 for an old mess-mate, by giving you an opportunity of 
 beino; eno-ao-ed in ^ an affair ! ' " 
 
 My heart did not quite overflow with gratitude for 
 this mark of delicate attention, but I expressed my 
 instant readiness. 
 
 *^ Come," said I, " we'll talk it over with a glass of 
 grog." 
 
 Everybody knows what talking a thing over with a 
 glass of grog means, and ho^\ it invariably ends in the 
 adjournment of the debate. 
 
 Next day the subject was resumed, and it was
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. C) 1 
 
 agreed that I should dispatch a thimdermg missive to 
 Crickett, requesting his immediate appointment of a 
 friend. I did so, and received a very sensible reply 
 from Crick ett, ui'ging the diiference of age between 
 himself and Berkeley — the strictness of the regulations 
 — the paltriness of the affair — and delicately hinting 
 that he, Crickett, was a married man. 
 
 "Bah I" said Berkeley, contemptuously, "let him 
 hide himself under his wife's petticoats, and I'll post 
 him. Trv him ao;ain." 
 
 I tried another note, and poor Crickett still fought 
 shy, and a useless correspondence ensued for some 
 time. 
 
 During the interim it happened that Berkeley 
 dropped into Ricardo's billiard-rooms, in the Strada 
 Teatro, one evening, to have the usual quiet game, 
 glass of sherry and water, and cigar. His friend had 
 departed, and he was amusing himself by knocking 
 the balls about, and trying all sorts of preposterous 
 cannons and hazards, when a strange officer entered, 
 apparently bent on a game. There was a bow, a 
 smile, and an agreement to play. They did so, and 
 grew very friendly. In about half-an-hour, in comes 
 Jigger, of the Bustard. 
 
 " Well, Berkeley, my boy — I haven't seen vou tliis 
 
 The stranger threw down his cue. 
 
 " Mr. Berkeley, of the Hecatomb, may I ask, sir ?" 
 
 " I have the honour to belong to that vessel." 
 
 " Will you step this way, if you please?" 
 
 They retired together. 
 
 " I must beg to inform you, sir," said the stranger, 
 
 that my name is Crickett, and that I belong to the 
 
 Polypus !"
 
 62 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 And so it was. These two warriors had been 
 playing together in the most friendly manner, neither 
 having recollected the other's face. The farcicality of 
 pursuing the affair was now obvious, even to Berkeley. 
 When they met next, it was armed w^ith "pocket 
 pistols" of a most pacific character, and very pleasant 
 contents ; and though both combatants were carried 
 from the scene of encounter, I am happy to say that 
 they were only — tipsy. 
 
 About the same period, old Blunderedd, of H.M.S. 
 Regina, had a quarrel, which did not end so well. A 
 travelling professor had arrived in Malta, who under- 
 took to operate on corns, and succeeded very well in 
 relieving old Blunderedd. Now Blunderedd was a 
 master — and masters, as is very well known, are not 
 the most polished officers in the service ; so he would 
 harangue his mess-mates in the ward-room, on the 
 operation, in a decidedly disagreeable manner. Shortly 
 after one of these occasions, an article appeared in the 
 Malta Snail, a local periodical, in which a sarcastic 
 allusion to Blunderedd, apropos of the professor, was 
 introduced. Blunderedd secured a copy, and rushed 
 on board. On going down to the ward-room he 
 assumed a commanding position, and delivered himself 
 as follows : — 
 
 "Gentlemen, — There's been an infamous attack made 
 on me in this here periodical, and I'm convinced that it 
 was written by some one in this here mess. Whoever 
 he is, he's a confounded blackguard — so let him put 
 that in his pipe." 
 
 This oration was received with " roars of laughter," 
 as the newspapers say. 
 
 Blunderedd next retired to his cabin; and having 
 summoned his boy, was very soon occupied in con-
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 63 
 
 structing a " colt." He obviously meditated the per- 
 sonal castigation of some one, and was determined to 
 inflict it in the most professional manner. In a few 
 moments Blunderedd was attired in spotless ducks and 
 a broad-tailed coat, and bound for the office of the 
 Malta Snail. 
 
 '' Let me see the editor of this here publication ! " 
 said he. 
 
 " He's not within, sir," said an official ; " but have 
 you any message to leave ?" 
 
 **My name's Blunderedd, and here goes to give 
 vou a d — d good rope's-ending you infernal libelling 
 lubber!" 
 
 Whereupon Blunderedd rushed on the unhappy vic- 
 tim with the " colt," and commenced a savage assault. 
 But all parties employed on the establishment rushed 
 to the rescue. One flung a stool at the gallant officer 
 — another pummelled him with a ruler — a printer's 
 devil seized his wiry hair, and in a few moments the 
 broad tails were in tatters, and the ducks stained by 
 the veteran's blood ! 
 
 What was the result? He was well castigated in 
 person ; heartily laughed at in the squadron ; fined for 
 the assault in the police court ; attacked again in the 
 journal, and made the subject of a reprimand in one of 
 the verbose, windy, stupid, general orders with which 
 old Sir Booby Booing, K.K., B.B.K, delighted to 
 inflict on the fleet. 
 
 I am sure we had scarcely done laughing at the 
 afl^air in the little dark berth of the Snob a week after, 
 when the signal was made to us from the palace to 
 " prepare for sea." 
 
 "Preparing for sea" means sending up top-gallant 
 yards ; bending studding-sail gear ; hoisting in the
 
 64 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 boats ; passing the messenger — and wliat is infinitely 
 more important in the eyes of all sensible officers, it 
 means getting your mess stock, liquid and otherwise, 
 on board ; your washing off from the shore, and a store 
 of novels from Muir's Circulating Library in Strada 
 Reale, to beguile your hours afloat : it means also — 
 more important still — keeping your duns from coming 
 on board to bother you before starting ! 
 
 All these things having been safely accomplished, 
 the Snob left the harbour, resounding with the yells of 
 Hireling, who abused the men working aloft, right and 
 left. 
 
 In the evening as she surged slowly ahead, moved 
 by a very gentle breeze, O'Doodle and I reclined com- 
 fortably in the stowed fore-topmast-staysail on the 
 bowsprit (protected by the foresail from the sight of 
 Hireling aft) smoked the tranquillising cigar, and 
 watched the trembling streaks of gold, cast by the 
 setting sun over the calm sea. 
 
 " This station is better than the Pacific," said 
 O'Doodle. " I saw a man fall overboard there once in 
 a gale ; and while he was struggling with the waves, 
 an albatross circled round him in wild swoops, and 
 fixing its talons on his head, struck out his eyes !" 
 
 Who would not, after this, forgive the "bright-eyed 
 mariner" who 
 
 Shot the albatross ? 
 
 That evening as we sat at a frugal refection of cold 
 salt pork, with a pickled onion, and biscuits and 
 swizzle. 
 
 " Well," said O'Doodle, " now that we are at sea, 
 and have little to do, suppose we write up our logs ?"
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 65 
 
 " Oh : hang our logs," said I. " Take the advice of 
 Horace about them, mj boy — 
 
 ' Dissolye frigus, Hqna super foco 
 Large reponens!'''
 
 66 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER YIII. 
 
 ATHENS AND THE ARCHIPELAGO. 
 
 The first days at sea, after a long stay in harbour, are 
 usually spent in regrets and anticipations ; and as Dr. 
 Johnson has pronounced that whatever raises the con- 
 templation of the past and future above the present 
 '^ elevates us in the scale of reasonable beings," they 
 are no doubt very edifying. In the Snob we used to 
 soothe our regrets, and add additional liveliness to our 
 anticipations, by the enjoyment of such luxuries as 
 each fellow in the mess had provided before leaving ; 
 and we usually managed to demolish all the cases of 
 pickled salmon and bottles of claret in a few days, 
 on which we returned with great philosophy to the 
 " amber fluid" (with which title we dignified the rum), 
 Bologna sausages, and biscuit. On the voyage of 
 which I am now speaking, we encountered a greggale, 
 or North-East gale, and were obliged to " dodge" about 
 under the protection of the dark and frowning hills of 
 the Southern point of Calabria — that land of fierce 
 people and small fine-flavoured hams. For two or 
 three days we stood off and on, under treble reefs and 
 a storm try-sail, making that chopping motion peculiar 
 to a vessel under easy sail in a swell. Owing to the 
 wetness of the ship, we had the hatches battened down ;
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 67 
 
 the hammocks were kept on the lower-deck, which 
 made it insufferably hot and close ; the deck itself was 
 greasy with spilt cocoa, and as the funnel had an awk- 
 ward habit of smoking (which the authorities would 
 be better occupied in trying to put down, than the 
 smoking of the crews), we were half suffocated, suf- 
 fering from head- ache, and disturbed by the eternal 
 creaking of the bulk-heads, caused by the violence of 
 motion common to Symondites of every size. In 
 addition to all this, we had sailed just before a grand 
 ball was to be given on board the Regina, to the 
 "fashionables" of Malta. The Reginas thought them- 
 selves crack fellows, aspired to be " the guards " of the 
 navy, and tried to elevate the midshipman's mess above 
 the vulgar standard of boisterous discomfort of the old 
 school. And it must be said that they had a very 
 elegant mess, gave very fine dinners, and cut a very 
 good figure on shore. There was a little bullying of 
 *' youngsters" which might have been dispensed with 
 very well, however. I don't see the benefit accruing 
 from pitching a young gentleman out of the stern-ports 
 of the gun room into the water, and compelling him 
 to swim to the gangway to get on board: nor the 
 humour of putting a youth on the lockers, and heaping 
 him over with heavy cushions and midshipmen ; nor 
 the propriety of sundry little tortures, physical and 
 otherwise practised occasionally by the Reginas, in 
 spite of their " crackness." But, after all, we must 
 make allowance for the intellectual destitution which 
 compelled some of them to resort to these little amuse- 
 ments to dispel ennui — and was not the Regina com- 
 manded by Captain Ricochet? — Ricochet who had 
 come to sea in command, only because he had wasted 
 a private fortune on shore ; who was destitute alike of
 
 6S PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 the tact of the officer, the skill of the seaman, and the 
 qualities of the gentleman — Ricochet who, having been 
 insolent to a tradesman in his private residence, and 
 having drawn his sword on him, was ignominiously 
 expelled from the house, and had his sword thrown 
 after him by the said tradesman. 
 
 On this occasion, the ball that we of the Snob missed 
 went off very well. There were awnings spread, deco- 
 rated wdth flags ; dancing on the upper-deck, and 
 supper on the main-deck ; military officers and sherry, 
 fruit, flowers, music, young ladies, champagne, and 
 flirtation. No place for a good ball like a line-of-battle 
 ship ; and between the quadrilles few things more 
 pleasant than to persuade your partner to come up on 
 the poop — ^just for a little fresh air, of course — while 
 papa is finishing a pint of sherry in the cabin, and 
 mama has gone down to the main-deck to look for her 
 daughter, where she has been told by one of your 
 intimate friends that she is certain to find her. And 
 then there is the fun of everybody getting into the 
 wrong boat when the party breaks up at daylight, and 
 all the officers finding next morning that they have 
 brought away the wrong cocked-hat or cap. What 
 would Mr. Cobden have said to the state of the navy, 
 if he had seen such a spectacle on board ship when he 
 was abroad? 
 
 Having at last got away from the Calabrian coast, 
 the Snob thundered eastward with a tremendous 
 breeze ; and having sprung a top-sail yard, ran into 
 Navarino Bay. There Ave anchored before the dreary- 
 looking town, with its miserable forts and puny 
 houses, and long barren shores, in the waters, beneath 
 which rest the bones of the many gallant fellows who 
 perished in the bloody battle known as the " untoward
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 69 
 
 event." We only staid long enough to shift the yard, 
 and having weighed once more, proceeded on our 
 journey round Cerigo, and in a short time had entered 
 the Archipelago, and soon had the pleasure of thread- 
 ing the narrow passage between the two pillars, or 
 light-houses, placed at the mouth of the Piraeus. In 
 a short time we had threaded our way also between 
 the vessels Ivino; there, and selected a comfortable 
 
 I/O ' 
 
 anchorao-e in the snuo; and convenient harbour. We 
 were, of course, all anxious to get on shore at the 
 earliest possible period. 
 
 " I tell you what, Plug," said O'Doodle, " I must 
 get somebody to keep my watch for me to-morrow — 
 I'm told this is a very decent place ; hotels, cafes, an 
 opera, nice rides, and all that sort of thing ; a few 
 snipes in the marshes, between Piraeus and Athens, 
 too, I hear. And old Brown, who keeps the English 
 store, has some very decent wine. We must go and 
 have a cruise, and I'm not going to waste my time 
 among any musty old temples — mind that!" 
 
 O'Doodle's notion of seeing a curious place — a place 
 that many a scholar and artist would long to visit — 
 was a very singular one. Not the relics of antiquity, 
 but the productions of modern civilization, were the 
 objects of his interest — not ancient temples, but modern 
 hotels — not ancient goddesses, but French landladies. 
 As I viewed the place under both its aspects, I shall 
 endeavour to give the reader a sketch of it. 
 
 The town and harbour of Piraeus are distant from 
 Athens about six miles, the country intervening be- 
 tween being uniformly level, partly wooded, and partly 
 marshy. There is a very good road between them, on 
 either side of the centre of which the wood is situated. 
 Half-way on your right, as you go to the city from
 
 70 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 the harbour, stands a Greek cafe, or classical public- 
 house (at which, by-the-by, I may mention, my 
 friend O'Doodle got his head broken with the leg of a 
 chair), where you will find an idle mob of Bavarian 
 soldiers, wandering Albanians, with pistols and dagger 
 in their belts, and baggy kilts of rather dirty white, 
 and young Greeks with red sashes, pinched in at the 
 waist in the most lady-like manner possible — all loung- 
 ing lazily, curling their long greasy moustaches, and 
 tippling small doses of aniseed, or large draughts of 
 red wine. The conveyances from the Piraeus are rum- 
 bling two-horse vehicles, that most assuredly would 
 never have won a prize at the Olympian games. 
 Having settled the amount of drachmas with your 
 driver, off you go to the town. You pass over the 
 level uninteresting road — indulge possibly in a glass of 
 lemonade at the house above-mentioned — the road winds 
 little — you turn, and see before you the modern town 
 of Athens, in its narrowness and poverty; and on the 
 right the Acropolis and the Temple of Theseus, the 
 remains of ancient Athens in all the grandeur of their 
 decay — faded, weather-beaten, crumbling, but still 
 sublime, and wearing a ghost-like look of melancholy 
 beauty. Just on the right of the road, with its 
 portico facing the east, stands the temple of Theseus, 
 which of all the Athenian structures of antiquity is 
 least dilapidated. Though small in comparison, the 
 elegance of its form is remarkable ; and time has tinged 
 it with a brown shade, which, resembling the colour of 
 autumnal leaves, has a softening effect that adds some- 
 thing touching to the beauty which the lapse of ages 
 has altered, but not destroyed. It was built some 
 years before the Parthenon, is of the Doric order — 
 measures 104 feet by 45 (as we learn from Gell), and
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 71 
 
 has six columns in front, and thirteen on either flank. 
 It is now used as a kind of museum for the preservation 
 of small pieces of statuary and sculpture, among which 
 I may mention some Bacchanalian boys in basso relievo 
 as among the best. The government have had the 
 sense to take precautions to prevent the pilfering of 
 relics of antiquity which was formerly carried on 
 wholesale ; and every fragment of antiquity among the 
 ruins on the Acropolis may now be seen carefully 
 numbered with red chalk. Such measures were abso- 
 lutely necessary ; for it was formerly common for 
 people to knock about the most precious remnants of 
 the greatest civilisation the world ever saw, as wantonly 
 as if they were no more valuable or beautiful than our 
 architectural efforts in Trafalgar Square ! When Sir 
 Pulteney Malcolm commanded the Mediterranean sta- 
 tion, two or three officers were dismissed from the 
 service for an act of this character. 
 
 The Acropolis, in the days of its young splendour, 
 must have been covered with columns almost as dense 
 as a forest of trees. Of all the buildings which crowned 
 it, there only remain three, and those in a mutilated 
 and imperfect condition — the Parthenon, the Erec- 
 theum, and the Propyl asa — groups of columns hanging 
 together like the rallying remnants of a slaughtered 
 army. The traveller wanders over a scene of desolation, 
 stumbling across some mighty pillar lying among the 
 grass springing up around it ; and must learn the 
 names of the works which he sees about him, as well 
 as that of their designers and their object, from the 
 books of controversial antiquarians — by endless con- 
 jecture — by emendations of Greek texts — and among 
 the scattered hints of some traveller of ancient times, 
 penning light allusions to things he thought sufficiently
 
 72 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 well known, and never dreaming of the trouble his 
 works would crive to dark-lantern-huntinoj critics of a 
 
 C5 CD 
 
 hundred ages after ! 
 
 There is still shown in the rock, opposite that side of 
 the Acropolis on which is the Temple of Theseus, a 
 place that passes for the prison of Socrates, consisting 
 of three narrow chambers, of which the centre one has 
 a hole in the top. And not very far off is a lonely- 
 tomb, said to be the resting-place of the philosopher, 
 where the names of numerous cockneys and travellers 
 from the United States have been scrawled — intended, 
 I presume, to add to the solemnity of the spot. No 
 place is too noble or too insignificant for such records 
 abroad. Descend to the bottom of the grotto of Anti- 
 paros, or examine the books of the humblest hotel, 
 and you will find them. 
 
 Among the smaller remains of ancient magnificence, 
 none are more elegant than those gems- of architec- 
 ture, the Tower of the Winds, and the monument of 
 Lysicrates, both of the finest marble, the most faultless 
 form, and the most elaborate finish. 
 
 But the sixteen columns which still remain of the 
 Temple of Jupiter Olympius, standing to the south- 
 east of the Acropolis, at the distance of a few hundred 
 yards, are the most magnificent remains that time has 
 spared from the splendour of the past for the admira- 
 tion and elevation of the present. They are upwards 
 of sixty feet in height, built of the luxuriantly beautiful 
 Corinthian order, and have an effect, at once so grand 
 and so refined, that they seem to have grown from 
 the soil by a miracle, to cast the ordinary efforts of 
 humanity into the shade. These sixteen are the only 
 ones remaining of the one hundred and twenty which 
 this mighty structure boasted ; and as its completion
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.N. 73 
 
 was comparatively recent,* the deficiency must be 
 attributed less to the natural course of things than to 
 the wholesale plunder which, even after going on for 
 centuries of barbarism, has left in Athens so much 
 to be admired. The top of one of them is shown as 
 the place where an extraordinary fanatic took up his 
 residence. 
 
 I was much interested one evening when wandering 
 near the ruins, by the sight of a Greek funeral. The 
 coffin was open, and a garland of flowers rested on the 
 bosom of the corpse. A man walked before, bearing 
 the lid, on which was painted a white cross. 
 
 From the sublime to the ridiculous is notoriously but 
 one step — and assuredly nowhere is that step shorter 
 than in Athens. 'Tis but from the Acropolis to the 
 town — from the temples of the republic to the palace 
 of the king — from the remains of the dead to the 
 dwellings of the living — and what a difference do you 
 find I The palace of the Bavarian — the king Log of 
 Greece — is a huge, white, flat building, looking like a 
 workhouse, a hospital, or a barn. The king himself is 
 very popular — his Bavarian attendants positively hate- 
 ful. At the last revolution he exhibited the most 
 miserable irresolution — positive unmanly weakness — 
 was afraid to resist, and yet hesitated to yield ; and, as 
 is generally believed, was mainly guided by the coun- 
 sels and supported by the courage of his beautiful and 
 queenly consort. It needed a guard to protect the 
 embarkation of some of the counsellors after that 
 event. 
 
 Athens has but one good street leadino; straight 
 through it. Near its entrance, as you come from 
 
 * It was completed by the Emperor Hadrian. 
 VOL. I. E
 
 74 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Pirseus, stands a muddy date tree in its centre, for 
 what use I cannot tell ; it is most assuredly no orna- 
 ment. The Greeks have scarcely a nationality. The 
 civilization of the lown is partly French and partly 
 Turkish. The hotels are carried on by Frenchmen, 
 and the shops are bazaars. In the main street there is 
 the Cafe de VEurope, a place of general resort for 
 coffee, brandy, lemonade, dominos, newspapers, and 
 discussion. The Greeks are generally fine men, and 
 there is a very intelligent expression of countenance in 
 most of them. Their newspapers, as I was informed 
 on good authority, are conducted with ability, and 
 they have a keen relish for intellectual exertion. But 
 their mental power is wild and undisciplined, and they 
 are far removed from anything approaching to English 
 civilisation. Under these circumstances, they could 
 have no worse monarch than a common-place, conven- 
 tional European king, governing by rote, and fretting 
 and strutting his hour upon the stage of government, 
 like the king in a Haymarket burlesque. Unfortunate, 
 unintellectual Otho, what can be expected of you, 
 tossed like a shuttlecock between unruly subjects and 
 European diplomatists ! The man is unsuited at once 
 to the place and the time. If Greece is to be raised 
 from the dead into new life, and the power must be the 
 power of mind ; the sorcerer a man of genius — a hero 
 — a Mahomet — or a Cromwell. No Lazarus is raised 
 by blubbering relatives, or by howling and lamentation 
 such as that of past phil-Hellenes. 
 
 The Greek Church is in the last stage of degradation. 
 The University did not contain a single native professor 
 before the resolution. I understood at that period that 
 this was to be altered ; but I know not with what suc- 
 cess the effort has been attended.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 75 
 
 There are many pleasant rides in the yicinity of the 
 town, and if it had no other attraction of the many 
 which it possesses, the traveller would still look back 
 to it with pleasure, if he had had the honour while 
 there of an introduction to the Eno-lish minister.* 
 
 * The English minister at tlie period of Tvliicli Mr, P. speak? 
 ■was Sir Edmund Lyons.
 
 76 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 PLUG DISCOURSETH OF TRAVELLERS OF THE GROTTO 0F< 
 
 ANTIPAROS AND OF DIVERS MATTERS CONCERNING MALTA. 
 
 Most of the midshipmen's mess of the Snob behaved 
 themselves at Athens as they would have done at 
 Liverpool, at Gravesend, or any common-place town — 
 that is to say, they walked carelessly about the envi- 
 rons, sauntered superciliously among the curiosities, 
 and wondered what they should have for dinner when 
 they got to the hotel. We usually stayed at the Hotel 
 de I'Europe, where there was (perhaps is) a very pretty 
 landlady. I have heard, on good authority, that there 
 was a landlord among the other fixtures on the pre- 
 mises, but him we never saw. I conclude, therefore, 
 that he remained in perpetual solitary confinement 
 somewhere about the kitchen. O'Doodle could, with 
 difficulty only, be persuaded to visit the antiquities ; 
 and Hireling and Bulbous mistook a square clock tower, 
 that was presented by the much-abused Lord Elgin to 
 the modern Athenians, for the Parthenon, and vowed 
 that it was the finest thing they had ever seen. 
 
 As we sat at dinner in the public room of our 
 hotel, we discussed the latest news from England ; and 
 O'Doodle, seeing a gentleman present who certainly 
 was an ill-favoured individual, took him for a foreigner.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 77 
 
 and said to me quite audibly — '' What a devilish ugly 
 fellow. Plug, eh ?" 
 
 " You have not travelled much, sir, I presume ?" 
 quoth the stranger, in excellent English. 
 
 O'Doodle laughed awkwardly, and blushed fearfully. 
 
 This little circumstance brings me to the subject of 
 travellers, English and otherwise, in the Mediterranean, 
 and I embrace the opportunity to dash off a sketch of 
 them in a few bold strokes. 
 
 First of all (to give precedence to our countrymen), 
 there is the class of rich yacht-travellers, who journey 
 in large cutters and schooners, w^ith enormous quanti- 
 ties of luggage, fat men servants, pretty nurserymaids, 
 and chubby children. Their yachts are crammed as 
 full of materials for a voyage as Noah's Ark. They 
 travel partly to escape ennui, and partly because it is 
 "proper" to do so. They bring hosts of introductions 
 to unfortunate ambassadors, and condemn everything 
 that does not resemble what they saw in England. 
 They live in the most expensive manner in the finest 
 hotels, which however they look down upon. They 
 receive you in the most splendid style of luxury, but 
 apologise for it, and remind you " that they are not in 
 London now." If they encounter a foul Avind, they 
 run into the nearest port. They go mechanically to 
 see antiquities, but are too dignified to be enthusiastic. 
 They patronise the Parthenon, and say that "it's a pity 
 it's in such a ruinous condition.'' They smile ap- 
 provingly on the first Claudes, in the gallery in the 
 Bourbon Museum, at Naples; and think it "proper" 
 to look very solemn at the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusa- 
 lem. In short, though they should travel a thousand 
 miles, they are never out of England — a characteristic 
 of very many travellers of all ranks. They look at
 
 78 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 nature through an opera-glass. Sometimes tliey write 
 large books of travels, in which they try to be very 
 line in describing storms. They quote — 
 
 Atra niibes, 
 
 Condidit lunam, necjiie certa fulgent 
 Sidera nautis, 
 
 and remark how singular it is, — " that these phenomena 
 are the same now, as when Horace wrote !" They take 
 care also to tell you in their quartos what they had for 
 dinner, and how much they enjoyed the society of 
 Lord X, the Marquis of Y, and Baron Z. 
 
 Besides these, there is the retired tradesman class, 
 who, all the time they are abroad, are not only virtually 
 in England, but in a shop or a villa near near London. 
 When they meet you at a table d'hote, they express 
 their joy to " see an Englishman once more," as if they 
 were in the desert of Sahara. They grumble at the 
 bills and the bedrooms, and think " that after all, 
 there's no place like home." They live in the closest, 
 most densely-furnished rooms they can get, which they 
 say " are in the good old comfortable English style." 
 They order up huge tea-pots of tea, at the same hour 
 as they did when in Clapham, on system, but take a 
 little brandy in it, "just because they're abroad." 
 They walk up Vesuvius — the father with a cotton um- 
 brella, the mother in pattens. The son John (whom 
 they have great difficulty in keeping in order) goes 
 about the town to see if there's no place like Evans's, 
 where he can have a lark. On their return to England, 
 they only remember that it was very hot abroad. 
 
 I must not forget the pedagogical class of travellers. 
 The pedagogue " carries a satchel of school books on
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, E.N. 79 
 
 the crupper of his horse," as Sterne said of Addison. 
 He wanders about Athens with a pair of spectacles and 
 a copy of Pausanias — quotes Homer at dinner at the 
 hotel, and is going to start to-morrow for Thermopyla?, 
 to see if any local investigation Avill throw a light on 
 an obscure passage in Herodotus, that has troubled 
 him a long time. 
 
 And then there is the aspiring young architect, v.ho 
 walks through the ruins of the ancient world armed 
 with a measuring-tape, and judges of sublimity by 
 inches. You a«k him what he thought of a certain 
 temple, and he tells you the diameter and circumference 
 of its columns. But of the soul or spiritual meaning 
 of such structure — the motive that animated its builders 
 — or the idea which was its archetype — of these he 
 knows no more than the lizards that play about its 
 ruins. 
 
 How different from all these the philosophical wan- 
 derer that every now and then it is your lot in happy 
 hour to meet ! How different the man who walks 
 through the world in a spirit of catholic sympathy with 
 all around him, anxious to learn, ready to communi- 
 cate, open to every impulse — bent only on the study of 
 the good, and the admiration of the beautiful ! Such 
 travellers, of all ranks and countries, may sometimes 
 be met by the fortunate — wandering planets bringing 
 light; but how many boobies has England sent abroad 
 for one M. A. Titmarsh — how man}^ vessels, colliers, 
 luggers, and others to return empty, for one gallant 
 bark, to bring back treasures to its shore ! 
 
 It was a merry employment to wander in a sweet 
 summer in our brig, among tlie islands of the Archi- 
 pelago. The heat of the day was moderated by a 
 breeze that had stolen perfume from gardens as it flew :
 
 80 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 and in the eA^ening we anchored in some small bay, in 
 water so clear and bright that far below could be seen 
 tlie purple sea-weed of the floor of the deep. Poros, 
 with its town projected upon a rock slip, and the sides 
 of its bay lined with lemon groves, is one of the most 
 beautiful of them. 
 
 The island of Antiparos has no attractions but its 
 wonderful grotto. It is hilly and stony, and except at 
 one end, quite uncultivated. We experienced some 
 difficulty in finding the grotto ; but after a rough 
 journey we came to a small hill, on one side of which 
 is the entrance to it, rather spacious, and of a circular 
 form. The grotto itself is reached by a descent through 
 a hole a few feet inside the archway. Our modus 
 operandi was as follows — we made fast a rope to a 
 stalactical pillar close by the entrance ; pitched the coil 
 down the declivity, and commenced, one by one, our 
 progress down, holding fast by the rope. The descent 
 is very steep, and the ground of it loose, dusty, and 
 covered with stones, which ever and anon rolled down 
 as we proceeded, waking the thunders of the echo. 
 Occasionally we came to a place where it was neces- 
 sary to descend perpendicularly many feet; and always 
 found the rock fluted, as if by a chisel, into innumera- 
 ble lines, by the gentle but omnipotent waters. As we 
 got further down, the cavern became more spacious, 
 and the blue-lights and port-fires which we ignited 
 showed enormous stalactites depending from the roof, 
 and every part around us, carved as variously and 
 fantastically as it is possible to conceive — ornamented 
 as we might imagine the Mediterranean palace of the 
 father of Undine to be. A stone thrown casually 
 downwards would keep falling and falling till the sound 
 died away ; and the light beamed faint and blue, down
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.X. »i 
 
 the passage we had descended. Even thus far " into 
 the bowels of the earth" were autographs to be seen, 
 and a wooden board with O' (^oca-iXsvg rrig ExXoc^og on it, 
 showed that the cavern had been visited by his 
 Bavarian Majesty of Greece. 
 
 I, felt when we once more reached the upper air, as 
 comfortable as iEneas may be supposed to have done on 
 coming back from the infernal regions. Not long after, 
 the Snob proceeded once more to that famous rendez- 
 vous — or skulkiiig-hole, as Mr. Cobden has it — of the 
 squadron — INIalta. 
 
 The physique of Malta is tolerably well known to the 
 English mind. AYho is there that has not heard of the 
 sterile rocky island which imports the very soil for its 
 gardens from the rich and fertile Sicily ? Who knows 
 not somewhat of Valetta, edged with mighty fortifica- 
 tions, with its splendid churches glittering with the 
 finest marble and purest silver, their ceilings glowing 
 with the works of the artist, and floors marked with 
 the arms and titles of the knights, whose remains 
 moulder beneath ? Imposing is it to enter one of these 
 sacred buildings ; and the stranger, though its shrines 
 be such as he does not bow at, fears the very echo of 
 his footsteps in its magnificent extent — is awed by its 
 solemn silence, and looks with reverence on its rich 
 ornaments, and the well worn oak of the confessionals, 
 that have heard so many tales of sin — if the faculty of 
 reverence has not been unhappily sneered out of him 
 by writers of the simious, which has succeeded to the 
 Satanic school. 
 
 The English aspect of Malta contrasts curiously with 
 the Maltese, in which it is, as it were, inlaid. There is 
 Strada Reale, straight, broad, and quite with a London 
 air ; and nearer the harbour, there are the narrow 
 
 E 3
 
 82 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Streets, the " streets of stairs," and the market, with its 
 swarthy, brightly dressed natives, and its heaps of fish 
 and fruit — its eternal olives and oranges. 
 
 If I Avere asked to name the leading characteristics 
 of Malta, I should say the enormous number of priests 
 and beggars, and the perpetual noise of bells. Go 
 where you will, you encounter shovel hats and rags. 
 If you ride to Civita Yecchia you will meet a whole 
 mob of boys in the episcopal garb, and with features so 
 pale, an expression of countenance so humble and 
 touching, so quiet in all their gestures — the boy appa- 
 rently having been extinguished in all of them — that 
 it is impossible not to pity the fortune which has 
 condemned them to begin this life of isolation and self- 
 denial in an age so little disposed to view them with 
 sympathy or kindness. The beggars look infinitely 
 happier ; but there is no contrast afforded by society so 
 great as that to be seen in Malta, between the rosy, 
 comfortable English parson with his black oily whis- 
 kers, and sermon once a week — and the pale and 
 melancholy looking priest, with his daily services of all 
 kinds in the church, and at home his solitary, rude 
 chamber, presenting no signs of civilisation but the 
 tomes of divinity strewed everywhere around. Truly, 
 if the lives of these men were known to some of our 
 protestant agitators, let us hope, for the honour of human 
 nature, that we should have less said against them. 
 
 The society of Malta is of a mixed character, the 
 military element predominating. The mercantile por- 
 tion of the community give dinners and balls, and have 
 boxes at the opera. The place is England in minature, 
 in a social point of view. The governor is a little 
 king, and has little levees. The naval commander-in- 
 chief, the superior military officers, and the wealthy
 
 SKETCHES OF PEECIVAL PLUG, R.X. 83 
 
 portion of the mercantile community form a little 
 aristocracy. They go to the opera in state ; and as a 
 rumbling old caleche draws up after it is over, you 
 hear — "]\Irs. Calico's carriage stops the way I" roared 
 out in a most imposing manner, the position of Mr. 
 Calico in English society being that of a banker's 
 clerk. Then there are flirtations and eno;ao;ements — 
 and, unfortunately, sometimes breakings off of said 
 engagements. There was Miss Cockatoo, for example, 
 I remember ; she must have had a most extraordinary 
 heart — for it was broken two or three times, according 
 to all accounts. But somehow or other, it always got 
 mended again, as good as new (nothing like gold to 
 solder up the general run of hearts), and she was 
 engaged to somebody else. I think she must have had 
 in the course of her matrimonal negociations enough 
 ugly miniatures of lovers to stock a picture dealer. 
 
 She might well have exclaimed, with a young writer 
 of the present day — * 
 
 '• Are tlie stars hut briglit deceptions, 
 Is there noiiglit in life to love — 
 Ts all nature false ?" &c. 
 
 Malta has its Xewmarket also. There is a race- 
 ground of hard road, and there are races twice a year ; 
 and a clerk of the course, and gentlemen in top-boots, 
 and rinsrincr of bells, and weiohinoj of riders, and much 
 noise — ultimately terminating in half-a-dozen smart 
 gallops, which constitutes the "sport." 
 
 Noisy, but not very heavy bets are made ; and every 
 vear or so, some foolish midshipman is found content to 
 
 Mr. Sidney L. Blaneliard.
 
 84 TEKSONAL RE3IINISCENCES AND 
 
 lose a hundred dollars or two, for the sake of being 
 thought a fine dashing fellow ; and papa the country 
 gentleman, or papa the clergyman, suffers in purse, 
 that his son may be a Brummagem Bentinck. 
 
 Young military sprigs in Malta are sources of laugh- 
 ter to the sensible occasionally. Thus, fancy the 
 principal cafe^ Mula's, in Stada Reale, full, some night, 
 of naval officers. Enter an ensign, only arrived a few 
 weeks ago from school in England. Ensign walks to 
 the glass in sight of everybody, pull up his stock, and 
 cries out — " Ah ! wait — aw ! you've got nobody here 
 to-night!" The naval men, too sensible to take any 
 other notice of the impertinence, roar unanimously, in 
 tremendous bursts of laughter.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 PLUG DISCOURSETH FURTHER OF MALTA AND OF NAVAL 
 
 OFFICERS. 
 
 Sarcasm is said, by Carlyle, to be the lano-uage of the 
 Devil. Perhaps so. Who shall contradict Carlyle ? 
 But pray, if such be so, what is scandal ? has it not an 
 equal claim to the distinction ? Shall we settle it 
 thus : — that sarcasm is the language the Devil uses to 
 your face — scandal that which he uses behind your 
 back? 
 
 There is a good deal of scandal at Malta, as I have 
 hinted before. In fact, as a general rule, there is 
 scandal in all societies where the intellectual tone is 
 not hig-h : and such is the case with o-arrison society. 
 Where people do not talk politics, literature, or art, 
 they naturally resort to scandal, as poverty in circum- 
 stances di'ives the lower orders to gin. 
 
 Accordingly, Malta is scandalous ! Lady Ostrich, 
 we will suppose, is travelling, and is separated from 
 her husband. Forthwith the coteries discuss the how, 
 the why, and the wherefore. In a week, the separation 
 has been exaggerated into a divorce — and the lady's 
 fault from an infirmity of temper into a want of virtue. 
 If she keeps out of society, she is ashamed to be seen : 
 if she courts it, and appears much in public, she is
 
 86 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 trying to brazen it out ! Had Paradise been in Malta, 
 and the story of the fall been repeated, in less than a 
 fortnight Eve would have been made out the original 
 tempter, and the serpent a boa-constrictor of the largest 
 size known. And then the prying into, and loose 
 babbling about the affairs of everybody ! If a young 
 officer is abstemious, you hear people say — " Ah ! poor 
 fellow, he's got nothing but his pay 1 I wonder how he 
 manages to rub along !" If, on the other hand, he cuts 
 a dash, then the very people who drink his champagne 
 say, shaking their heads, " Depend on it we shall see 
 the bubble burst before long !" 
 
 As a place for that magical thing, tick, Malta may 
 fairly rank after the English universities. No sooner 
 does a new ship come out than she is boarded by a 
 number of tradesmen. The youngsters are tempted, 
 give orders, and swell up bills — it is the old, old story. 
 Presently, the ship is going to leave for England, and 
 then the disturbance begins. "Pay de bill, sar!" roars 
 the Maltese. The money, perhaps, is not forthcoming, 
 and means are resorted to to keep " the duns" from 
 getting on board. The sentry has orders to keep a 
 particular boat off ; the day of sailing comes ; the 
 stately vessel is seen leaving the harbour. Pertinacious 
 to the last, the dun is rowed furiously in a line with 
 the ship. " Did you get my bill, sar ?" cries he to a 
 youngster whom he recognises at the gangway. " Oh, 
 yes," replies the youth, holding up a lengthy document, 
 very coolly, " here it is !" The ship departs, and the 
 croditor must wait till his debtors come again on the 
 station, or till he can recover his debt by tardy com- 
 munications with England. I am far from saying that 
 such is the case invariably ; but still there have been 
 many instances such as I have drawn a sketch of — and
 
 SKETCHES OF PEFXTYAL PLUG, R.X. 87 
 
 can it be wondered at, under the circumstances ? For 
 example, how that unfortunate Mr. Carbuncle, the 
 jeweller, suffered ! The man was as green as one of 
 his own emeralds — opened a large glittering showroom, 
 and invited patronage. What was the result ? In a 
 week there was scarcely a youngster who did not dis- 
 play in his stock a troop of dragoons, a huge knight 
 with a mediaeval battle-axe in his hand, or some such 
 elegant design, worked in gold. They had even got to 
 the pitch of making small presents to each other, such 
 as a five guinea ring, or some trifle of that sort. Poor 
 O'Doodle looked in a short time as if he " had been 
 dipped in Pactolus," to use an expression of Dr. 
 Johnson's. 
 
 Can I forget, either, the melancholy look of poor 
 Bobacchio, who, vvhen standing under the main hatch- 
 way, on the lower deck of the brig Roarer (Captain 
 Bulrush), received a large tom cat of mature years 
 on his bald pate, from above ? The reader wonders, 
 perhaps, why Bobacchio did not complain to Captain 
 Bulrush. But if, indeed, any satisfaction could be 
 obtained from Bulrush, there was the preliminary 
 difficulty to be got over of finding that worthy officer 
 in a sober moment. How often haA'e I seen the scan- 
 dalous old rip drinking and roaring in IM *s cafe, 
 
 in Strada Reale, at night, surrounded by a crowd of 
 applauding youngsters ! Shall I ever forget how, on 
 one such occasion, a caleche was obtained for the party 
 — how Bulrush mounted on the top of it, which, as 
 well as the inside — back, shafts, and every part — was 
 loaded by a crowd of boys in uniform, shouting — 
 " Make sail ! go a-head I" and raising every kind of 
 hideous noise I Bulrush was even known to put an 
 officer under arrest for hauling up the mainsail at sea.
 
 88 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 when it was absolutely necessary to the safety of the 
 brig — to which fact he was blissfully indifferent from 
 repeated potations. It may excite wonder how he got 
 a command ; but wonder will vanish when the fact is 
 stated that he had electioneering influence, and that 
 the Admiralty was a Whig one. However, other 
 Admiralty functionaries besides Whig ones, may claim 
 remark by their extraordinary proceedings. For in- 
 stance — look at Sir Gabble Cocktail, who was first 
 naval lord during Sir Beelzebub Windbag's adminis- 
 tration. Do not all naval men remember how that old 
 hero, when in command of the squadron in the West 
 Indies, insisted — in the deadly heat of that climate — on 
 all the officers wearing stocks, and coats buttoned up 
 to the throat? 
 
 Let us not, howevet, too hastily condemn the eccen- 
 tricities of such old gentlemen as Bulrush, for at least 
 they serve to enliven the dullness of the island. On 
 the same principle, let me here, on behalf of the resi- 
 dents, specially thank the worthy nobleman who took 
 the trouble to go out there in one of the steamers of 
 the Peninsula and Oriental Company, on purpose to 
 fight a duel with an officer in one of the regiments; 
 having accomplished which, without any deadly result, 
 he returned to his native country. There was a dash 
 of chivalry in this, refreshing in a mechanical age. 
 All honour likewise be to the benevolent bigots of both 
 religions, who, by attacks from the pulpit or the altar, 
 manage to create a " sensation," and make the periods 
 between the arrivals of the mails a little less long. 
 Neither let us altogether forget the horsewhippings and 
 actions-at-law occasionally arising from the " liberty of 
 the press," enjoyed by the worthy editors of the Pop- 
 gun and Creeper. But for these various excitements.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 89 
 
 how would her Majesty's subjects get through the 
 long summer days, particularly such of them as are 
 visited by the sirocco — bringing'umiatural heat, languor, 
 weariness, and a sadness of spirits, that wine cannot 
 exliilarate, flowers refresh, or music soothe — on its 
 heavy wiuo-s ? 
 
 The reader can best appreciate a midshipman's life in 
 Malta, by accompanying (in imagination) two young- 
 sters on a day's pleasure. They obtain leave from the 
 first lieutenant, and call alongside one of the fantasti- 
 cally painted shore-boats, in which they proceed to 
 land on the Yaletta side, at that point which goes by 
 the name of Nix mangiare stairs — a hill which leads to 
 the military gate which you pass through in entering 
 the town. On this hill the poorer part of the lower 
 orders of Maltese were, some years ago, in the habit of 
 reposing at night, in barrels ; but in consequence of its 
 becoming a popular amusement for young officers to 
 roll the slumbering population down the declivity, 
 they abandoned the practice, and have now taken to 
 sleeping in sacks. Up this hill, through the gate, and 
 up the streets of stairs — through Strada San Gioyanni 
 — past St. John's Church, the friends we have under- 
 taken to accompany proceed, and finally halt in a cafe 
 in Strada Reale. The day, of coiu'se, is begun with 
 refreshment. The next step is to procure horses, for a 
 ride to Citta Yecchia. By the agency of a bareheaded 
 youth, in blue trowsers and a red sash, smoking a 
 very black-lookincr cio-ar, and scratchinc^ his head with 
 ominous frequency, these are obtained. Our friends 
 momit. "Easy, sari" cries the policeman as they pass 
 through the gate in a canter, and away they go ; and 
 having passed out of the fortifications, gallop along the 
 hard high road at full speed. It is a peculiarity of
 
 90 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AXD 
 
 Maltese horses to stop dead short, no matter what their 
 speed, at arriving at the Dairy, a road-side inn carried 
 on by an old Engish landlady, some way out. For 
 from time immemorial it has been customary for naval 
 travellers to halt here for refreshment, which generally 
 consists of a pleasing compound of rum, milk, sugar, 
 and nutmeg. This accomplished, the journey is pro- 
 ceeded with, with increased relish. There are no 
 attractions in the way of scenery, for the island all 
 round is very barren and white. At Citta Vecchia 
 comes another halt — the horses are sent to the stable, 
 and our friends proceed to Frank's, where a cold col- 
 lation and wine and water refresh them agreeably after 
 their hot and hasty ride. Citta Yecchia has St. Paul's 
 Cathedral, and some catacombs to gratify curiosity. 
 Of these, the first is splendid — the latter interesting ; 
 but both cathedrals and catacombs are objects so well 
 known to the public nowadays, that it is hardly 
 necessary to say much in the way of description. I 
 must beg emphatically to state, however, for the 
 honour of Malta and Roman Catholicism, that this 
 cathedral, unlike a namesake and contemporary nearer 
 home, may be entered by any one without a preliminary 
 demand for twopence. I hope no one will abuse this 
 privilege as a certain Englishman — naval, of course — 
 did, who put some caustic in the holy water font. 
 
 Some distance from Citta Yecchia is a bay said to be 
 the one in which St. Paul was shipwrecked. There is 
 a small and pleasant wood there, where people go — not 
 on pilgrimages, but picnics. They talk of St. Paul, 
 but Bacchus has far more of their attention. In the 
 neighbourhood of Citta Yecchia (which, by the way, is 
 Anglicised Chitty Wick) are the palace and gardens of 
 Bosketto. The palace is empty and bare, and has a
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 91 
 
 most melancliolj appearance, for the paintings on the 
 ceilings have faded into dimness. The gardens are 
 pretty, and have a cool grotto, with a fresh bubbling 
 fountain, that makes a pleasant summer retreat. 
 
 Let us now accompany the two midshipmen back to 
 town in the cool of the evening. They dine at a hotel, 
 and proceed to the opera. 
 
 The best performances in the Malta opera are not 
 always those on the stage, but occasionally those which 
 take place in the body of the theatre; for it is the 
 delight of the English to encourage an English singer, 
 while the natives adopt an entirely ditferent course, 
 from a feeling of patriotism which no other subject 
 excites in them. Some years ago the opposition ran 
 so high that a regular battle was fought in the pit. 
 Every officer had gone provided with a stick, and at a 
 certain period let fly at his neighbour. A tremendous 
 battle ensued, to which we may say — with a small 
 attempt at a joke — that the admiral contributed his 
 might; for he broke off the legs of the chairs in his 
 box, and threw them down to the combatants. For a 
 time victory appeared doubtful, but English pluck pre- 
 vailed. An unfortunate Maltese had his jaw broken, 
 and more mischief would have been done, but for the 
 entry of a party of soldiers sent to put a stop to this 
 creditable proceeding. 
 
 But noAv we hear the preliminary striking up of the 
 orchestra ; the hat of a Maltese in the pit is knocked 
 ofP by the gentleman next him ; the curtain rises, and 
 discloses a shaky castle, trees with mysterious lights 
 gleaming through the trunks, and a moon terribly in 
 want of snuffing. 
 
 Perhaps we have Lucia, with the retainers intended 
 for Lowland Scotch, of the era of Queen Anne, dressed
 
 92 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 in kilts, all of different patterns, and none of anj recog- 
 nised tartan ; or an operatic version of Romeo and 
 Juliet, in the concluding scene of which the two lovers 
 are seen singing a duet together in the agonies of 
 death, in the tomb ; or, an opera founded on the tale of 
 Sappho, in which that poetical heroine is represented 
 bj a stout, middle aged woman, and her leap from 
 " Leucadia's Rock," by a dirty clothes bag pitched 
 from a pasteboard promontory — on which the curtain 
 falls amidst great applause, and ^' Rule Britannia" is 
 played by the orchestra. 
 
 After the performance, the midshipmen go off to 
 Ricardo's, Mula's, or Joe Micallef's, and the evening 
 is finished w^ith coffee, lemonade, brandy and water, 
 billiards, and cigars. The clicking of the ivory balls 
 is heard till an early hour in the morning ; and when 
 the party breaks up and goes on board, the silence of 
 the harbour is broken by songs, more of the Baccha- 
 nalian than the serenading character. 
 
 Having thus watched the career of a modern juvenile 
 Nelson for one day, I shall conclude this concluding 
 chapter by giving some slight account of the general 
 character of naval officers. 
 
 Lady Blessington, in her Idler in Italy, has been 
 pleased to give a very favourable opinion of naA^al 
 officers as members of society. There are few people 
 who will not agree with her in this respect. The early 
 hardships to be encountered, and the " free and easy," 
 method of living in a midshipman's berth give a frank- 
 ness and liberality to the character, and keep it free 
 from the pretension often visible in members of tlie 
 higher professions. As senior es prior es is a golden 
 rule — or, at least, a gilt rule — I shall begin by criving 
 some hints on captains in the service, first ; — -
 
 SKETCHES OF PEECIVAL PLUG, K.X. 93 
 
 The school of naval captams most remarkable is one 
 which may be called the " Benbow school/' from its 
 adherence to the old customs of the service. The 
 captain of this school thinks the service is going to the 
 devil. He uses a speaking trumpet, and wears a 
 broad tailed coat. He looks with abhorrence upon a 
 man who can reason or speak fluently, and calls him a 
 " sea lawyer." He impresses up- -li the minds of his 
 officers that they have no right to think, and sets an 
 example by never thinking himself. He has a preju- 
 dice against jewellery and clean shirts, and thinks it 
 effeminate to take marmalade or any sort of con- 
 fectionery. He has divine service performed every 
 Sunday, and regularly goes to sleep during the sermon. 
 He " wonders what the navy will come to," when he 
 sees claret in a midshipman's mess. He discourages 
 taking in joui'nals, and goes to sleep after dinner. He 
 flogs the men often " on system," and pronounces a 
 youngster who shows any affectionate remembrance of 
 home a milksop. He always holds the same political 
 opinions as the ministry that is in — and is very much 
 afraid of the admiral. He writes bad grammar, and 
 has never heard of the AtJienceum. 
 
 Some old boys of this class still get commands, and 
 may be called the funguses of the British oak. They 
 enrich their conversation with nautical slano- and have 
 a horror of Eau de Cologne. They hate all new in- 
 ventions, and do everythmg in the old fashioned way. 
 They put all their sons in the service, and allow them 
 very little money. This they think an infallible way 
 of bringing them up to heroism, but are too often 
 disappointed by seeing them tui'n out penurious, me- 
 chanical boobies. 
 
 The opposite class to this is the class of dashing
 
 94 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES, ETC. 
 
 dandy captains, who have pianofortes in their cabins, 
 give parties on board, go out partridge shooting, and 
 find their duty a bore. These gentlemen cultivate the 
 acquaintance of the military, and are proud of losing 
 their money at blind hookey. In fact, they try to 
 turn the vessels they command into yachts — and suc- 
 ceed in degrading them from the rank of men of war, 
 but not in obtaining any elegance to make up for the 
 loss of their utility. They keep numbers of dogs on 
 board, and sometimes the more congenial baboon. 
 
 There are lieutenants and midshipmen of both the 
 schools which I have described ; but the majority of 
 them, as of all ranks in the profession admit of no 
 classification bnt the general one of being " very good 
 fellows" — an English panegyrical phrase of great, 
 though homely force. They are great in the battle, 
 and good at the board. You admire them in the din 
 of warfare, and love them in the hour of conviviality ; 
 for, like olives, their company gives a hearty relish to 
 wine. 
 
 Here my book ends ; and I conclude it with a feeling 
 of melancholy — for who ever entered the Mediterranean 
 without a smile, or left it without a sigh ! Let me ex- 
 press my sympathy with the gallant Sicilians who have 
 risen to claim their independence and rights. Surely, 
 Liberty " is not dead, but sleepeth !" And let us hope 
 that in all the sunny lands by the Mediterranean, the 
 people will soon awaken to liberty and civilization — 
 strangling the vulgar vampire of despotism, .which 
 hovers over their slumber, and feeds updn their life- 
 blood. At least, I Avill have the pleasure of closing my 
 work with the kindly wish.
 
 PEESONAL REMINISCENCES 
 
 AND 
 
 SKETCHES 
 
 OF 
 
 PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 
 
 Seconti Series.
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 A GOVERNOE S BALL AT MALTA. 
 
 •' Crowds without company, aud dissipation without pleasure." 
 
 — Gibbon. 
 
 It was tlie close of a very fine day, in Malta, in a year 
 Avliicli it is unnecessary to specify, as all years are 
 pretty much alike in that interesting island : the sea- 
 breeze had set in, just as it was no longer wanted to 
 cool the heat of the day; the gulls had gone to roost 
 about the rocks near the edge of the water ; the natives 
 of the island were attending vespers, and the English 
 inhabitants preparing for dinner. Such is the difference 
 between a barbarous and a civilized people ! As the 
 evening advanced, the shadows thrown by the tall 
 masts of the men of war faded from the surface of the 
 water. At last, the sunset gun boomed from the 
 adiniraFs ship ; down went the top gallant yards and 
 colours of the squadron ; the hammocks were piped 
 below, and everything looked as if the night was to 
 be passed as dully as usual. Xot so, however — a great 
 event was to take place ; the hearts of hundreds beat 
 high with anxiety — in fact, that night the governor 
 was to give a ball ! The palace of the old grand- 
 masters of the famous Knights of St. John was lighted 
 
 VOL. I. F
 
 98 TERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 up to receive a different set of guests. In Malta (as 
 elsewhere) tlie " age of chivalry is gone ;" an age of 
 military captains, dock-yard officers, naval men, and 
 mercantile agents has succeeded to it, and the glory of 
 the island is " extinguished for ever." 
 
 On board the Caliban, to which vessel your humble 
 servant the writer belonged at that period, very exten- 
 sive preparations were being made. Captain Baggies 
 was arraying his portly frame in his full uniform coat, 
 and his servant was polishing up the four yards of 
 leather which were called the gallant officer's sword 
 belt. Baggies hates balls, which lie looks on as calcu- 
 lated to deteriorate the service. He sighs for the good 
 old times when vessels were fifteen months at sea, and 
 the very admiral in command had not a teapot ; and 
 after dinner (he himself being provided with the best 
 port and claret), he will tell you that Collingwood had 
 nothing but Tenedos wine to drink, and that many 
 times he (Baggies) has seen the gallant old fellow 
 hanging his old coats and waistcoats out of his cabin 
 ports to air — which fact alone, no doubt, was the real 
 cause why these gallant old boys always beat the 
 French. 
 
 Down below, the lieutenants were busy preparing for 
 the occasion. De Cheeksby, the marine officer, was at- 
 tiring himself in his cabin, and wondering, as he twirled 
 his whiskers before the glass, what kind of girls the 
 Miss Lumbers (daughters of Sir Ajax Lumber, K.C.B., 
 the governor) were ; while they (if we may be allowed 
 to speculate on such high personages) were by no means 
 thinking of poor De Cheeksby, but speculating on the 
 qualities of the gallant commandant of the artillery. 
 In the cock-pit, the midshipmen were striving to look 
 elegant in the face of adverse circumstances. Perpetual
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, Pt.N. 99 
 
 cries were heard of ^^pass the word" for Brown or Jones, 
 according to circumstances; and young Belfield was 
 audible over the ship, demanding from his servant 
 (with some reasonableness, it must be admitted), " how 
 the devil his patent leather boots had got into the 
 sand tank ?" At last, all preparations were over ; 
 Timson, the master's assistant, had gone through the 
 ceremony of " extreme unction," by putting bear's 
 grease on his hair ; shore boats were called alongside ; 
 and the reader may now be introduced to what the 
 editor of the Malta Popgun (who by the way was 
 disgracefully screwed in the course of the night) called 
 the " rank, fashion, and beauty of the island." 
 
 The ball has begun : the first few dances are over ; 
 and the excitement of the music and the motion, has 
 brought the company to as near an approach to natural 
 and unaffected behaviour as an artificial state of society 
 will permit its members to display. Let us therefore 
 look around, and examine the scene. Our old friend 
 Baggies is moving about, stately and serene. He has 
 cautioned his daughter not to dance with midshipmen ; 
 and thus avoiding the degradation of seeing her in the 
 company of young Furnival, of the Harold, whose 
 father is the leader of the opposition — or Hylton, of the 
 Cavendish, whose ancestor fought at Bannockburn — 
 has managed to commit her to the care of old Higgles of 
 the Jackdaw, a worthy gallant snuffy old lieutenant of 
 1818. She must find him a very pleasant partner, for he 
 is a great nautical aathority. He is teaching her how 
 to fish a topsail yard when sprung, and I shouldn't 
 wonder if he were to offer her a pinch of snuff presently. 
 
 That knot of old naval officers in the corner, looks 
 very grave and professional. And no wonder ; they 
 are talking of the court-martial that is to be held 
 
 F 2
 
 100 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 on Tuesday on Lieutenant Plummer, for losing the 
 Bustard. 
 
 "Dammee, Sir," says Ricochet, "I never heard of 
 such a lubberly piece of work. Lose a ship in a gale of 
 wind on a lee-shore ! He'll be broken like a rotten 
 stick. / never lost a ship." 
 
 Kicochet is perfectly right there ; for with a proper 
 estimate of his professional capacity, he trusts every 
 thing to his master and first lieutenant. But how can 
 you expect a man to be a great seaman, if he spends 
 half his life on the turf? And on the turf Ricochet 
 AYOuld have been to this day, but for that celebrated 
 Derby when Ranting Roarer astonished everybody by 
 running first. Ricochet was heavily let in. Two or 
 three gentlemen shot themselves, and he condescended 
 to take the command of the Reofina. It's a fine thino; 
 to have relations in office. 
 
 While this amiable group are talking, the waltzers 
 whiz past. How poor little Timson, our master's assist- 
 ant, got coupled with that fat woman (Mrs. Huggs, of 
 the dockyard), I'm sure I can't guess. He looks at me 
 imploringly, but in vain — I shake my head mournfully 
 — he is doomed — she bears him away in triumph. Poor 
 fellow ! he has looked forward to this occasion for 
 wrecks with anxiety, thinking how happy his mother, 
 (widow of Lieutenant Timson who was lost in the 
 Shroud brig, going to Halifax, where the admiralty 
 had sent him, because no one else would go, and he 
 dare not refuse), would be, when she heard that her 
 son had been the guest of a governor, and in the same 
 room as a lord ! In his anxiety to cut a good figure, 
 Timson has put on a stock so tight that he feels as if 
 standing on the drop, and momentarily expecting to be 
 turned off. But the waltz is over. He has escaped
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.X. 101 
 
 tliis old woman of the sea, and is now retiring to the 
 refreshment-room, bent on getting some brandy and 
 water, if possible. A party of midshipmen who are 
 there, eating ices and talking very loudly of " devilish 
 nice girls" (although these youngsters feel remarkably 
 abashed in the presence of ladylike women ; and no 
 wonder — for till within the last year or two, they saw 
 nobody but their grandmothers), regard Timson with a 
 supercilious look, and mutter " bung ;" for the reader 
 must know that the masters' assistants of the service 
 are of an inferior class ; and a man must be very 
 ignorant of society who does not see that they will be 
 snubbed in consequence, altogether irrespectively of 
 their personal qualifications. One of the youths I have 
 thus introduced as sneering, is a fair young man with 
 curly hair. His comrades treat him with certain defe- 
 rence. Why? Is he more witty? No. A better 
 officer ? Pshaw ! What then ? He is an honourable 
 — the Honourable Mr. Pimple. That is a passport to 
 consideration, and to (what most people esteem more 
 highly) pecuniary debt. How a title spoils a man I 
 This young Pimple, born a Jones, would have been 
 unaffected and studious. But Providence, by giving 
 him a factitious claim to respect, took away the necessity 
 of exertion ; and a dunce — an honourable dunce — very 
 much respected, and decidedly dull, he will remain to 
 the end of the chapter. There is rather a good story 
 told of him, however, tending to show his brass. He 
 was at a ball given by the Governor-General of India, 
 and was sauntering up the room with all the listlessness 
 of want of thought. He passed the spot where the 
 viceroy was standing. 
 
 " Ah I" said his highness, " Mr. Pimple ! I knew 
 your father, Lord Oxtail,"
 
 102 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 " Yes," rejoined the youth, " I believe my father did 
 know you before you i^atted!" 
 
 Fancy this stroke falling on a whig magnate ! Pimple 
 was a clever fellow, after all. 
 
 Let us resume our glance at the good people of 
 Malta, in the ball-room. 
 
 The night is advancing. Baggies begins to yawn, 
 and look wistfully in the direction whence the an- 
 nouncement of supper may be expected. Another 
 waltz begins. That tall, handsome, dashing-looking 
 man, waltzing with that violet-eyed girl (how refresh- 
 ing it is to see blue eyes in the south — like finding a 
 new planet !) is Captain Ransacker — Lion Ransacker, 
 of H. M. steamer Hookit. His father is a plain, douce, 
 honest Scotchman, of moderate income, at Aberdeen. 
 What a filial contempt Ransacker has for him ! I 
 believe he would cut him if he came into the room 
 now; for Ransacker is a "dashing" fellow, and plunges 
 himself into debt to give luncheons and suppers to 
 "gentlemanly dogs" of the 2nd Stifles, or the Heavy 
 Baboons regiment. He sinks his parentage in that 
 august company — or if he does allude to it, talks of his 
 old father in a way that would astonish that respectable 
 man, so great does he make him out. He once entitled 
 him " Ransacker of that ilk." Lucky fellow ! that he 
 did not see how his guests laughed with each other 
 over his own champagne glasses ! 
 
 At the ball of which we are writing, the military 
 looked as usual — stiff, vacant, ungentlemanly, and 
 supercilious. There is something painfully elaborate 
 in the appearance of a military man in full uniform. 
 He looks as if he had been born in it, and as if to 
 divest him of it would be a fatal shock to his system. 
 On this occasion some of them were thinking how very
 
 SKETCHES OF PEECIVAL PLUG, P.X. 103 
 
 different the company was at their houses in London ; 
 or the J talked to each other at intervals between the 
 dances, and wondered who the devil that tall man in 
 plain clothes was, and what he would give his daugh- 
 ter. Or perhaps they were meditating upon a recent 
 oocrrence which had shocked the island from its pro- 
 priety, and which was neither more nor less than the 
 flight of an officer who was terribly in debt, and who 
 had had himself lowered over the ramparts in a basket, 
 and so got safe off" to a ship outside the harbour. 
 
 The elderly portion wished themselves quietly at 
 home ; the middle-aged paid delicate attention to the 
 women with money ; the very young among them 
 sighed for their rooms, brandy-and-water, and cigars — 
 while a portion of both services, we may add, thought 
 of a certain little room in the upper part of one of the 
 cafeSi sacred to roulette, monte, and other games, in 
 honour of the deity whom we may call the had 
 goddess. 
 
 Conspicuous among the naval portion of the guests 
 was a little round stout figure, in the uniform of a lieu- 
 tenant. This was Lieutenant Kinahan, of the Roarer 
 steamer. We are aware that Providence created 
 Kinahan; but to give him the command of a steamer — 
 that was reserved for the whigs, and even they would 
 not have done it, but that his electioneering influence 
 was considerable. Being of an indecisive character, 
 and totally ignorant of steam, he was at the mercy of 
 the engineers under his command ; so that if it did not 
 suit these worthy fellows to go to sea at the hour 
 named, it was perfectly in their power to detain the 
 ship, by inventing imaginary obstacles in the ma- 
 chinery. If the washing of the chief engineer was not 
 ready, he had nothing to do but report a *^ screw
 
 104 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 loose," and there the vessel was tied till it came off. 
 As a last resource, poor Kinahan's only plan was the 
 following — when the "screw loose" was reported, he 
 used to go below, and tell his steward to take the cold 
 pie and a bottle of porter to the chief engineer — by 
 Avhich that important functionary used to suffer hip- 
 self to be prevailed on to allow her majesty's service 
 to have the benefit of the services of the Roarer ! 
 
 The dockyard people danced as those do who have 
 few opportunities, and of whom it may be said that it 
 would be better for society if they had none. Those 
 who were in no way connected with either service, 
 such as our worthy friends Criggles, agent to the 
 house of Gripe and Co. (or merchant, as he and those 
 who eat his dinners call him), Mr. Cockatoo, merchant, 
 Mr. Blunder, travelling for the benefit of his health 
 and the injury of his creditors, &;c., &c., assumed a 
 look of superiority to both. They let their daughters 
 dance with officers, according to their rank. Miss 
 Cockatoo had just plighted her faith for the fourteenth 
 time, and looked very interesting — particularly to those 
 who knew her history. Among other female notabili- 
 ties were the Miss Glaciers, one of whom composed 
 waltzes (by the bye, I never heard them played), and 
 talked of all the literary celebrities of the day by their 
 christian names abbreviated, such as Dick, Tom, &c. (I 
 firmly believe that if Dr. Johnson had been alive, she 
 would have spoken of him as her friend Sam.) Then 
 there was Mrs. Colonel Bellicose, who had the reputa- 
 tion of being in command of the — th, and who, no 
 doubt, would have come in uniform, if permitted. She 
 marched her daughters (regular Amazons of great fero- 
 city) to the supper-table in military state, left-wheeled 
 into the room, and attacked a pie with great skill.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.N. 105 
 
 To attempt to describe the supper would be ridicu- 
 lous. A supper "to be appreciated" must be eaten. 
 The armies of Xerxes did not drink up the rivers on 
 their way with more eagerness than the midshipmen 
 did the champagne. There was some dancing after- 
 wards, but the officers grew noisj, and the ladies tired, 
 and the flowers got broken, and the band drunk ; and 
 the man who would stay in a ball-room at daylight 
 in the Mediterranean is " unworthy of the name of 
 Briton." 
 
 So we all returned on board ; and as I had the 
 morning watch, I set the crew about their work — and 
 falling asleep on a gun-slide, dreamed that I Avas 
 waltzing with the main-mast, drinking champagne out 
 of the binnacle, and making love to the capstan. 
 
 F 3
 
 106 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THREE MONTHS ON BOAED H. M. BRIG WAVELET. 
 
 The winter of 184 — had passed aAvay in clouds and 
 darkness, and spring descended upon the earth, and 
 shook his wings, scattering fragrant dew. He breathed 
 once, and the hard earth softened, and the gentle snow- 
 drop reared its head ; he breathed again, and again the 
 earth softened, and the golden-coloured crocus sprung 
 up, and nature put on her finery, preparing to do honour 
 to the summer. 
 
 It was in that season of the year, that the Wavelet, 
 one of her majesty's brigs of war, left England, and 
 arrived in the Mediterranean. She passed the black 
 and rocky Pantellaria at a rattling pace, and a strict 
 look-out was kept on board for the lighthouse at Malta 
 — for such is the lowness of that estimable island, that 
 it is quite possible to miss it altogether, if great care 
 is not taken. The light was descried at night, and 
 reported. 
 
 " I hope," said Commander Troubadour, " that the 
 wind will be against us in entering the harbour." 
 
 The motive for this wish was, that he might show 
 the squadron and the inhabitants how the Wavelet 
 could beat into harbour ; and he did so most effectually. 
 The wind was as hostile as he could wish; and every- 
 thing in favour of an effective display of seamanship ;
 
 SKETCHES OF PEKCIVAL PLUG, E.N. 107 
 
 for tlie harbour was ratlier crowded, and the marina 
 lined with vessels of all sorts — brigs from England, 
 and boats from Sicily. The Wavelet made two or 
 three tacks, and at last stood towards the marina. 
 Captain Troubadour grew proud, and stationed himself 
 with his glass under his arm, on one of the carronade 
 slides. 
 
 " Time to go about !" cried the master, from the 
 forecastle. 
 
 " One mmute," said Captain Troubadour. 
 
 There was a pause. 
 
 " Put the helm down !" 
 
 But one minute was one too manj. The vessel neared 
 the shore, and when the helm was put down, flew 
 round, with sails shivering and shaking, and shot up 
 in the wind's eye, and against the stern of a harmless 
 merchant ship ahead, to the astonishment of a knot of 
 dirty fellows collected on her deck in red shirts and 
 nightcaps. Captain Troubadour, as in duty bound, 
 damned the merchant vessel for being in his way. The 
 AYavelet then began to retreat, and pay oif on the other 
 tack ; but not doing that fast enough, drove her stern 
 into another vessel behind. At last, she got clear and 
 stood oflP, and got safely to a buoy. All these opera- 
 tions had been watched with ineffable delight from the 
 poop of the flag ship, and the signal officer had already 
 pronounced Troubadour a lubber, condescending to 
 add, that he had never expected anything else from 
 him since he knew him on the South American station. 
 The fact was, that Troubadour had been promoted in a 
 vacancy which the signal officer had been expected to 
 fill himself. 
 
 When the arrival of the Wavelet was reported to 
 the commander in chief. Sir Booby Booing, K.K.B.,
 
 108 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 that officer was just finishing the forty-fifth page of his 
 hundred and twentieth general order, on the necessity 
 of wearing full uniform on shore, and was about to 
 direct it to he issued (to the grief of the squadron, and 
 of Mr. Lindley Murray, the next day.) Sir Booing (as 
 the French consul called him) was a great officer, and 
 so minute and copious in his writings, that it is credibly 
 reported, that, on his return from his command in the 
 East Indies, he found about a hundred of his despatches 
 still unopened, — which the servant, I suppose, had 
 forgot to burn. 
 
 " Ah !" said he, when the Wavelet was reported, 
 "that's good; she'll just do to relieve the Orson at 
 Athens, and let us have Sudsby back." 
 
 Sudsby is related to Sir Booby, through the Smiths 
 of Clerkenwell, and the Joneses of Clapham. 
 
 " And," added the gallant officer, " I suppose I must 
 ask Troubadour to dinner — another blow to my cellar !" 
 
 The reader will sympathise with the admiral, when 
 he knows that his table money was only about eight 
 hundred a year, and that champagne in Malta costs 
 four shillings a bottle. 
 
 The Wavelet, in the meanwhile, was in a state of 
 considerable bustle. There were the sails to be furled 
 neatly, and the yards to be squared, and the boats to 
 be hoisted out; and there was a host of visitors on 
 board — midshipmen come to see old mess-mates; 
 Maltese females to look for men who had been married 
 to them when out in other ships ; duns to see whether 
 any debtor of former years had come out again ; and 
 tailors seeking " patronage " from youngsters newly 
 joined the service. A philosophical observer would be 
 much amused by comparing a juvenile just come out 
 to the Mediterranean station, with a youth who has
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 109 
 
 been there three or four years I The difference is 
 something like that between a hat fresh from the shop, 
 and the same after a year's hard wear — it is the 
 difference between boyishness, timidity, a love of 
 lollipops, and one glass of port — and experienced 
 billiard playing, debt, betting, a judgment in cigars, 
 and a taste for maraschino. The assistant surgeon, 
 who was caterer of the berth, was giving instructions 
 to the mess steward about the supplies to be got on 
 board ; and the clerk was in his office, writing an 
 application to the dock yard for a coffin of five feet ten 
 inches, in which to bury a man who had died the night 
 before coming in. These things are managed there in 
 a very business-like way. I once heard an old first 
 lieutenant, when giving the necessary orders for a 
 funeral, call out, " Main yard there ! A whip on the 
 main yard for the carcase I" 
 
 When the work was over, the midshipmen went 
 below to dinner, and Captain Troubadour to the ad- 
 miral's office, where he received instructions to proceed 
 to relieve the Orson at Athens. He would have much 
 rather stayed some time in Malta, but Sir Booby Booing 
 was in no very good humour. Not long before, when 
 inspecting a steamer, he had stumbled on a very pretty 
 pink bonnet in the cabin of the lieutenant iu command, 
 which, by some horrid blunder had been left about. 
 The lieutenant said it belonged to his steward's wife ; 
 but I think it must be admitted, that, as a man of the 
 world, Sir Booby was justified in shaking his head with 
 a certain dubiousness on hearing the assertion. Pie 
 was therefore very cool and firm in delivering his in- 
 structions to Captain Troubadour, who accordino-ly 
 returned on board, and wrote home by the mail, via 
 France, to a cousin in the mlnlstrv, that he was sure the
 
 no PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 admiral's intellect was going. The admiralty, how- 
 ever, knew this before, and liked him all the better for 
 it. That night the Wavelet bent the studding-sail gear ; 
 and the next morning Captain Baggies, of the Caliban, 
 received the following " letter on service " from the 
 admiral's ship — 
 
 H. 31. S.. Begina, Malta. 
 vSiR, — You are lierehy directed to discharge Mr. Percival Plug, 
 midsliipmaii, from H. M. S. Cahban, to H. M. Brig Wavelet, in 
 this liarljour. 
 
 (Signed) Booby BooI^'G, 
 • Commander in Chief. 
 
 On the receipt of this, I was sent for, and informed 
 of it by Captain Baggies. 
 
 " I have one piece of advice to give you," said he, 
 " before you leave my ship. If you wish to get on in 
 the service, never smoke." 
 
 I bowed and thanked him for his hint — the result of 
 the experience of his life — and half an hour afterwards 
 I was sitting in the berth of the Wavelet, and had in- 
 troduced myself to a good looking midshipman, whom 
 I found there, drinking bottled porter, and reading Mr. 
 Disraeli's last novel. There is no great ceremony in 
 the service, so I soon said to him " Well, you take it 
 very quietly down here, when the ship is getting under 
 way !" 
 
 " Oh 1" said he, " I made M'Bluter, the Scotch assis- 
 tant surgeon, put me on the sick list. I can't stand 
 this sort of thing without a little leisure occasionally." 
 
 " Of course not. But does Troubadour never en- 
 quire as to the precise malady with which you are 
 supposed to be afflicted ?" 
 
 " Not he. He allows me every indulgence, on the
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, E.X. Ill 
 
 strengtli of my relationslilp witli Lord Damsorij whose 
 nephew I have the misfortune to be." 
 
 " Just so. I know that principle pretty well by this 
 time. Wiiat sort of fellows are your officers here ?" 
 
 " We had a very good first lieutenant, but he 
 quarrelled with Troubadour and left, and the admi- 
 ralty sent us Hireling, who was in the Snob." 
 
 " Goodness gracious !" said I, " do you mean that 
 that atrocious blockhead is on board here ?" 
 
 My young friend laughed. 
 
 " So you're an enemy of his, are you ? then of course 
 you are a friend of mine. Give me your hand, and the 
 corkscrew, and we'll drink confusion to him. The 
 fellow hates me, ever since he heard me quote Ovid. 
 He's a Vandal without courage. But dull as he is, he 
 can do a good deal of harm here, to persons better than 
 himself — just as a mole may make a heap that will trip 
 up the horse of an emperor." 
 
 " And what of the rest of the fellows ?" 
 
 " Bulbous, the second lieutenant, is a pompous little 
 bore ; he's always bullying the man at the wheel, till 
 the poor devil gets the brig up in the wind. Marling, 
 the master, is a good fellow — rough, but honest ; wears 
 a large white waistcoat, and is fond of port. I compare 
 him to a cocoa nut fresh from the tree ; shaggy enough 
 outside, but with plenty of milk — the milk of human 
 kindness — within. The surgeon knows his business, 
 and does it ; but has a dash of the toady in him, I fear, 
 x^ow for our mess. We have Dulcet, who, as the son 
 of a pious clergyman, is, of course, a sad scamp — that's 
 his riding-whip in the corner. He was one of that set, 
 who went on board the Victory one night at Ports- 
 mouth, and took away the brass plate on the upper 
 deck, with here nelsox tell, on it. The clerk.
 
 112 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Soapster, has no faults that I know of, except snoring, 
 and talkincT bad o-rammar. Then there's youn" William 
 Roller (Billy Roller I call him), the son of a Manchester 
 man, though what the deuce his governor, who calls 
 himself a disciple of peace, meant by sending him into 
 a man of war, puzzles my brains, and probably would 
 puzzle his — if he had any. We cobbed him with a 
 sword scabbard the other night, for reading an extract 
 from one of his father's pamphlets out loud in the mess. 
 M'Bluter, the assistant surgeon, is proud, stingy, yet 
 an original. He's our caterer, and exclaims against 
 ' wilful waste,' if you don't eat all the fat on your plate 
 at dinner. I think I have now given you an account 
 of them all." 
 
 " There's only one thing more," said I, with amiable 
 frankness, "Can you 'give an account of yourself?' 
 Or are you like Goldsmith's soldier, who always found 
 that the great difficulty ?" 
 
 " I've got used to it, by having to give it on sundry 
 ■ next mornings at Bow Street.' I rejoice in the surname 
 of Linley, and the christian name of Julian : deriving 
 one from my family, and the other from the emperor, 
 w^ho preferred apostacy to hypocrisy — unlike modern 
 ones. My father thought proper to marry a second 
 time, and as I was unpopular with both, I was sent 
 into this ' glorious profession,' and though I have been 
 on the ' coast ' they haven't killed me yet. I'm partial 
 to literature, good wine, and observing society. I take 
 everything coolly, having learned that the world is a 
 kind of grindstone, which polishes hard bodies into 
 sharpness and brightness, and crushes soft ones into 
 powder and dust." 
 
 So far had our conversation proceeded, when the 
 rippling against the side of the ship, and her heeling
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 113 
 
 over, with an increased current of air rushing down 
 the main hatchway, showed that the Wavelet was once 
 more out of harbour. In a few minutes there was a 
 general rushing down of the mess, and a short time 
 made me familiar with them all. The Wavelet rattled 
 on to the east with a fine wind ; and as evening drew 
 her curtains gently over the earth, a single great golden 
 cloud, like the golden fleece of old, hung motionless in 
 the sky. 
 
 Mr. Julian condescended to come out of the sick-list 
 next day, and managed that we should be in the same 
 watch, of which he oot charo-e, and nio-ht after nio-ht 
 we paced the deck together, faithful to our duty, and 
 to some cognac. 
 
 One middle watch it was dark and cold and 
 blowino- ; there was no moon to cast a olitterino^ line 
 of liiiht alono^ the sea, which was black and cheer- 
 less, like a huge pall ; the wind whistled through the 
 rio-mnor the watch huddled themselves tooether under 
 
 oo o' o 
 
 the forecastle and weather-bulwarks, and lay in silence. 
 Julian and I began walking about in a lively manner, 
 but it was of no use; we could not talk with pleasurable 
 freedom on the usual subjects, and the conversation 
 turned on superstition — a question that is doubly in- 
 teresting when discussed in the solitude of the sea. 
 
 '' It is strange," said Julian, " that though everbody 
 talks of want of evidence on the subject of super- 
 natural appearances, every other man you meet has 
 some family record of the sort to tell, whenever we 
 manage to escape from social restrictions and give 
 ourselves up to nature and the heart !" 
 
 " Yes," said I, " everybody's grandmother has 
 seen a crhost: but who has seen one himself? that's 
 the point. However, I heard of a really genuine
 
 114 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 one the other day. You know okl Storesby, of Malta 
 dockyard ?" 
 
 " Yes — I should say he was the last man to see any- 
 thing supernatural." 
 
 " I should have thought so. But listen to the story 
 as I had it from his own lips. It is now some twenty 
 years ago, as you know, since the Revenge, Cambrian 
 and Alo-erine were at sea too-ether, somewhere near 
 that little volcanic humbug of an island, Idra. The 
 night was perfectly clear and fine, and they were 
 dropping quietly along under all sails — I believe close- 
 hauled — at about eight o'clock. The captains of the 
 other ships had been dining on board the Revenge, and 
 had returned to their own vessels, when, like a flash of 
 lightning down came a white squall. The Revenge fell 
 over on her beam-ends, and was only saved by some- 
 body's cutting the main- sheet with a tomahawk ; the 
 Cambrian had a similar escape ; but the poor little 
 Algerine was never more seen or heard of — she went 
 down to the bottom as she was, swarming with human 
 lives, leaving not even a bubble to show the spot. Now 
 for the ghost story. Storesby's son was on board the 
 Algerine, and that same night, as the father assured 
 me, his figure appeared with a low wail at the window 
 — pale, ghastly, and white, and glittering with drops of 
 water. There is a simple fact, and the man who can 
 dismiss it as a ^ coincidence ' between a spectral illusion 
 on the part of the household, and the accident of the 
 son, may equally call the explosion of a cannon when 
 a match is put to the touch-hole, a ' coincidence.' " 
 
 In a few days after this conversation, the Wavelet 
 threaded her way into the Piraeus, and took up her 
 place astern of a very neat-looking Russian brig.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, E.N. 113 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 THREE MONTHS IN THE TVAYELET CONTINUED. 
 
 I AVAS asleep one morning in my hammock, soon after 
 our arrival in the Pira?us — in spite of a series of small 
 electrical shocks, in the way of bumps from persons pass- 
 ing underneath— and dreaming wildly and strangely. 
 By the way, reader, did you ever notice how much 
 one's dreams are eifected by the kind of bed in which 
 you sleep ? For my part, when I sleep in a French 
 bed, I dream of the old days of France — of her gilded 
 rottenness in the age of Louis XIY., or of her wild stern 
 grandeur in the middle ages, as it awes and fascinates 
 in Victor Hugo's great romance. Whereas when I lie 
 in the common four-poster, with its carved posts and 
 heavy sombre curtains — a kind of bed which seems 
 only fit to lie in state in — my dreaming thoughts wan- 
 der to our own past times : I become a "tenant at will" 
 of them ; hate the world with Swift ; laugh at it with 
 Walpole ; or look at it with a pitying love, through the 
 blear eyes of Johnson, " rough old Samuel, the last of 
 all the Romans," as Mr. Carlyle calls him. Again, in 
 hammock my dreams become nautical : I see Hood 
 conquer — Xelson die — or the kindly-hearted Colling- 
 wood bending his rugged brows over a desk in his 
 ill-furnished cabin, and writing one of those charming
 
 X16 TERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 letters, which prove that one may be a great conqueror, 
 without losing the simplicity of heart of a child. 
 
 Well, I was dreaming something of this sort, when 
 my hammock received a sudden jerk, and a voice like 
 the roar of Bottom the weaver, cried — " Mr. Plug, 
 punishment at seven bells, if you please, sir!" a laconic 
 announcement signifying that at half-past seven that 
 morning, just as the citizens of London were turning 
 round in bed for a final snooze, my presence Avas re- 
 quired on deck, to see one of the ship's company flogged 
 with a cat-and-nine-tails. Accordingly, I was soon 
 dressed, and had fortified myself with chocolate to wit- 
 ness the operation. This, reader, is an operation at the 
 sight of which I have seen a marine, with musket by 
 his side, faint with horror and disgust. It is an opera- 
 tion the first blow of which takes away the breath of 
 the victim with its weight, as well as lacerates his back 
 by its sharpness. Nothing is easier than to reason 
 coolly about it over a dinner table ; but if you wish to 
 know what its horrors are, go and see one of your 
 fellow creatures strip himself to suffer ; watch his 
 white skin shiver in the cold morning-breeze ; see 
 every lash change its hue, from the white which God 
 gave it — first to the bloody red, then to the darker 
 purple — then deeper, deeper, to the blackness of in- 
 cipient putrefaction. See all this, I say, and then 
 come back and vote in the House of Commons against 
 the " abolition of corporal punishment," if you are a 
 tory or a brute. Prate about its " expediency," and 
 dishonour your human nature. 
 
 The ship's company were gathered together in masses, 
 the officers in groups. Captain Troubadour, in cocked 
 hat, looked gloomy and thoughtful. Hireling ran busily 
 about, to see that every arrangement was complete.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 117 
 
 Bulbous looked sulky and impatient — for he had had 
 the middle watch, and had been wakened out of sound 
 sleep to come up. Julian Linley and I view^ed the 
 scene with contemptuous disgust. Young Billy Roller 
 was comparatively indifterent, for he had been ac- 
 customed to his father's factory ; and the only thing 
 that ever troubled him on the flogging question was 
 the price of the cats — for, as he judiciously observed, 
 a much less expensive kind of whipcord would do 
 equally well for making them. 
 
 "Ah I*' whispered he to me, "If you'd read my 
 father's pam " 
 
 "Hush!" said I: for just as that familiar phrase met 
 my ears, the captain began to read the warrant. He 
 finished it ; the prisoner stripped — advanced to the 
 gratings — and sprung through one of the ports, over- 
 board. So sudden was the movement — so unexpected, 
 that for a moment Captain Troubadour gave no orders. 
 At last, he cried out " Call away the cutter !" By the 
 time she was manned, the prisoner had swam a con- 
 siderable distance towards the shore ; and as they 
 reached him, he ducked and reappeared in another 
 direction. This he repeated frequently and success- 
 fully, till Troubadour roared out " Knock him on the 
 head I" Whether this very summary mode was the 
 one resorted to, I am not sure ; but in a short time he 
 was secured, and fainted most judiciously, just as he got 
 alongside — which postponed his flogging till next morn- 
 ing, when he was flogged (due precautions having been 
 taken) "' all coolly and comfortably," as Hireling said. 
 
 When the gallant Captain Gunne, of the Orson, 
 heard that he was to be relieved and return to Malta, 
 he was exceedingly overjoyed, and told the news with 
 much delight to his wife, whom he had brought to the
 
 118 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Archipelago with him, and whom he used to send to 
 live with and on the various consuls in the islands — as 
 a wise man sends his cow to graze in a neighbour's 
 pasture. Gunne knows no seamanship ; nor has he one 
 human accomplishment, except being able to mix a good 
 salad. His officers were not sorry to leave Athens — 
 particularly young Snobham, who had recently got 
 into disgrace by shooting a donkey, an exploit which he 
 had performed somewhere in the plains near the city, 
 and which had cost him ten dollars, and a thrashing 
 from a Greek. 
 
 One fine morning, the Orson, taking up her anchdr, 
 departed from the Pir^us ; and in a short time nothing 
 was to be seen of her but her topsails just above the 
 horizon ; and the Wavelet Avas left to protect British 
 interests in Athens. 
 
 Athens about this time was rather lively; and various 
 physiognomies were to be seen in the hotels, of different 
 cuts. There was an old Russian nobleman, who asked 
 everybody whether they preferred " de Bay of Naples, 
 or de Frit of Vorth ;" to which Julian (who had seen 
 neither of those places), replied in favour of the latter, 
 like a true patriot. And then there was Captain 
 Boarder, R.N., travelling on half-pay, who felt it his 
 duty to board all English ships of war, and give advice 
 to their captains how to manage them. This advice 
 was very gratefully received (for the captain gave 
 dinners and balls wherever he went) and only praised 
 and neglected. With him were Mrs. Boarder, and 
 Miss Boarder, who had false teeth, and £20,000. Ru- 
 mour says, that the young lady was proposed to in one 
 garrison town in the Mediterranean, by six military 
 gentlemen consecutively. This may be untrue, for a 
 grain of mustard seed spreads not into half such a
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 119 
 
 size as a lie ; but we must admit that it has an air 
 of probability about it. Besides these " distinguished 
 visitors," as the Athenian penny-a-liners doubtless 
 called them — for I don't know modern Greek — (mark 
 the italics, reader), there were some Bavarian connec- 
 tions of the king, in the town. The little opera was 
 crammed every night ; and the Ethiopian visage of 
 Otho, with his Queen — "the gentle lady wedded to 
 the Joo?'" — might be seen in a side box. 
 
 Amidst this "gay and festive scene," the midshipmen 
 of the Wavelet moved with great delight ; — Linley and 
 I, to inspect the antiquities with admiration, and the 
 modernities with disgust — Soapster, the clerk, to get 
 a Turkish bath, the effect of which was such as to pre- 
 vent my knowing him again on his first presenting 
 himself on board after it — Dulcet, to get swindled by 
 a dragoman, in some ridiculous negociation about a 
 horse — and Mr. William Roller to collect "useful infor- 
 mation " for his father. I am free to confess, (as honour- 
 able members say, when about to admit something 
 unimportant) that Linley and I are justly chargeable 
 with having sent some very extraordinary intelligence 
 to that old gentleman, through his son. As we were 
 anxious to see a good deal of the shore, it became im- 
 portant to propitiate Billy, in order that he might keep 
 our watch. To this end, having prepared our plain 
 clothes one afternoon, so as to be ready to smuggle 
 them on shore in the dusk (for no naval man wears 
 uniform on shore, more than he can help), and having 
 converted a paper document of a form very familiar to 
 parental eyes, into dollars, we went into the berth after 
 dinner, and began to lay siege to Billy's soft heart, 
 through the medium of his narrow understanding. 
 Julian began the attack, as follows —
 
 120 TERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 " I say. Roller ! have you got those items your 
 governor wanted ?" 
 
 "No," said Roller, pricking up his ears greedily, 
 "not quite. But let me read this extract from my 
 letter :" and he began in a nasal twang — " The prin- 
 cipal production of Athens, is a popular sweatmeat 
 used in smoking, and known among the native popula- 
 tion as rahatlacome. From an analysis of a sample of 
 it, I learn that it contains — gum, three parts ; sugar, 
 two parts ; alum, one part. It is coloured pink or 
 white, and sold in small red boxes, containing minute 
 portions—^ — " 
 
 " How do you know," said I, (adroitly using his 
 slang), " that it is not imported ? You speak of it as 
 a native production." 
 
 " That," said Billy, with an air of mysterious impor- 
 tance, " is the result of personal enquiry." So he 
 proceeded with his MS. " Athens is a town ;" (here I 
 bowed assent) " a town abounding in ancient ruins, 
 most ridiculously thrown awa}^ " 
 
 " Thrown away !" said Julian, interrupting. 
 
 " Yes," was the answer. " Were those ruins re- 
 moved in waggons to the Pirasus, and thence in ships to 
 England, they might be sold at a considerable profit, for 
 building factory chimneys, and other buildings of public 
 importance ! Take thirty tons of marble, at " 
 
 " We won't trouble you for figures, old fellow !" said 
 I, ^^go on with another part." 
 
 " The country produces no cotton " 
 
 "No cotton, my dear boy?" roared Julian, in ecstacy. 
 " How lucky that I should have investigated that !" 
 
 " What ! do you mean to say," cried Roller, " that 
 you have gained some information as to the existence 
 of cotton crops ?"
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 121 
 
 " To be sure," said Julian. " Why, you've heard of 
 Boeotia ?" 
 
 " Boeotia— Boeotia," mused Billy. "Oh, yes. Let 
 me see — they called my father a Boeotian when they 
 noticed his pamphlet in Blackwood.'" 
 
 " Just so," exclaimed Julian, keeping his counte- 
 nance in a way that I would defy Farren himself to 
 beat. " A very delicate compliment too. Boeotia is a 
 rich province of Greece; inhabited by an intelligent and 
 industrious manufacturing population — Peter Pindar 
 was a native of it, by the way. Well, it now exports 
 sixty tons of cotton per week. I have other particulars 
 to give you." 
 
 And other most extraordinary particulars this amiable 
 youth did furnish to the credulous Roller ; and with 
 such effect, that that evening he was seen walking our 
 watch with great regularity, just about the time that 
 we were sitting discussing a bottle of claret, in the 
 Hotel de V Europe, having dined frugally on a little 
 soup, and a brace of hecasses. The Russian nobleman 
 was opposite us, with a soup dew-drop glittering on his 
 moustache. One of Captain Boarder's sons was at the 
 table, and had some insane intention of getting somebody 
 to go on " the loose " with him, if such a thing were 
 possible in the town ; and at another end of the table 
 were two bearded Englishmen, who hated each other 
 cordially, for they were both oriental travellers, and 
 (worse still) were both going to write about the East. 
 The hatred of relations is something ; the hatred of 
 an adventurer for a rival, is something too ; so is the 
 antipathy of a regular practitioner to a successful quack 
 in his neighbourhood; and so is that of an Old Bailey 
 barrister, to a learned brother who shoots ahead of him. 
 But commend me above all these, to the mutual dislike 
 VOL I. a
 
 122 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 of two rival oriental travellers. Did you ever hear 
 one who didn't abuse the other's book? Of course not. 
 In society, the " disturbing influence " of the one lu- 
 minary affects the other. It diminishes the pleasure 
 of having seen the Pyramids apparently, if another 
 gentleman present has. Why does not some one go 
 to the Wall of China at once — write a lively book 
 about it — and so outshine the lustre of them all ? 
 
 We were much amused on this occasion, by hearing 
 these gentlemen relating their adventures, Avith a view 
 of exciting envy in our breasts — an attempt which I 
 promptly suppressed, by stating boldly that I hadn't 
 seen the Pyramids ; didn't regret it ; and didn't intend 
 going to see them — on which the youths fell back on 
 more congenial subject of reminiscences of Evans's. 
 
 In the evening, the heat putting the opera out of the 
 question, Julian and I lighted cigars, and strolled out 
 to smoke near the ruins of tlie temple of Jupiter 
 Olympus, whose broken columns were painted by the 
 moon's rays. As night drew on, and the gaudily 
 dressed groups dispersed from the cafes, and the last 
 lights gleamed in the upper windows of the great white 
 mass of marble — the palace — there arose from the 
 streets the howling of starved dogs. A professed 
 novelist would probably call it the " haunting voice of 
 the prophets," or poets of old ; but perhaps the less 
 romantic, is the more sensible way of talking of these 
 matters. 
 
 We wandered on for some time, and presently 
 heard a low curious sound. We listened, and it was 
 repeated — it was sonorous and deep. We looked 
 round : nothing stirred but the long grass in the soft 
 wind, and deep and sonorous came the strange sound 
 again !
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 123 
 
 CHAPTER lY. 
 
 NOCTES ATTICi:. 
 
 " By Jove," cried Julian, '' it's somebody snoring !" 
 
 AVe burst out laughing at the absurd anti-climax. 
 But he >Yas quite right. In a minute, we tumbled 
 across the body of a man, lying wrapped up in one of 
 those large rough thick cloaks with hoods to them, so 
 commonlv used in Greece. A cpood heartv damn from 
 the awakened sleeper, left us no doubt as to what 
 country he belonged to. Truth compels me to admit, 
 that, after leaving the hotel, we had some brandy and 
 lemonade in a cafe, so that we were not indisposed for 
 any amusement that miglit turn up, and we jumped on 
 our legs again with a loud laugh. 
 
 *^ Pray, sir," said Julian, shaking the recumbent 
 stranger by the shoulder, " do you know that you are 
 sleeping on the ruins of a republic ?" 
 
 " And very snug quarters too," said a rough voice 
 from under the hood. 
 
 " Then, sir," continued my friend, " you ought to be 
 ashamed of yourself ; so get up." 
 
 To the credit of the stranger be it said, that he rose 
 with perfect good nature ; threw back his hood, dis- 
 closing a dark masculine countenance, tanned by sun 
 and salt water, and wrinkled by thought and toil, and 
 
 G 2
 
 124 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 said, " Well, you are about tlie most extraordinary 
 youngsters I've seen for some time !" 
 
 " But, my good friend," said I, " how came you to 
 be sleeping about here ? Classical dew gives rheuma- 
 tism, I presume, as well as any other ? At all events, 
 since we have disturbed your slumbers, come to our 
 hotel, and let us see if we can't pass the night morie 
 agreeably indoors." 
 
 The stranger agreed, and in a short time we found 
 ourselves at the hotel, and having roused up a sleepy 
 waiter, procured a bottle of brandy, and took up our 
 station in my bedroom. Our story was soon told, and 
 we turned to our companion. 
 
 "Come, sir," I said, "you have not got those furrows 
 on your brow for nothing. The art of the gipsy, who 
 would read man's story and his fate on the lines of the 
 hand, may be imposture ; but, at least, something can 
 be gathered of the past, and something augured of the 
 future, from the lines on the brow. Time never writes 
 ill vain, though authors do." 
 
 Julian joined me in asking the stranger for his 
 history. A raw glass of brandy burned away the 
 " cobwebs in his throat," as he said. He cleared his 
 voice and the tumbler at the same time. We lighted 
 fresh cigars, and prepared to listen with attention to 
 
 THE stranger's STORY. 
 
 " I am," said he, " as you see me before you now, a 
 victim to theories. I was ruined — not by drinking, 
 like many men — but by thinking. 'Theories!' says 
 Bentham, ' We hear everybody say, I am no friend 
 to theories ; yet what are theories but thought ? To
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 125 
 
 oppose them is to oppose thought.' Well, on account 
 of this prejudice against theories, I am a wanderer, 
 without money, and without friends, at something like 
 five and forty years of age. I was born of a good well 
 circumstanced family. My father wished his sons well 
 educated ; and he followed the prevailing example, and 
 sent me to school. The school was considered a very 
 respectable one. The two leading principles of its 
 system were, the Bible, and the birch rod. They 
 taught us a heap of Hebrew proper names, and called 
 it religion. They flogged us with the birch, and called 
 it discipline. I believe they were sincere in their in- 
 tentions to D-ive us relio;ious information ; but they had 
 no philosophy : they did not know how to go to work, 
 and they administered it as medicine, instead of food 
 — made it distasteful by their ignorance — loaded the 
 memory when they should have moved the feelings — 
 not knowing, that to make a person religious, you 
 should begin by appealing to the heart. As to science, 
 there was no such thing thought of. Two dead tongues 
 formed the staple of education, which boldly ignored 
 all modern discovery, and all modern languages ! We 
 were haunted by the ghosts of the ancient Greeks and 
 Romans, when w^e should have been warmed by the 
 embrace of the modern muses. My schoolfellows (who 
 did not think) took it all contentedly; hurried over 
 their lessons, and bolted out to the playground. What 
 was the result ? They are now opponents of the sana- 
 tory movement, and hostile to popular education ! I 
 acted differently. When the master stated a fact, I 
 asked a reason. This was an atrocious innovation, and 
 I was pronounced incorrigible, I was first birched as 
 an example, but soon after completely sealed my fate, 
 by dabbling in a theory about the creation of the world.
 
 126 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 This got me flogged again, and I ran away from school, 
 when my father soon after flogged me for broaching a 
 theory after dinner. It was about ^ secondary punish- 
 ments/ strange to say ! The same fate pursued me 
 everywhere. I got called to the bar ; but having taken 
 up a notion about law reform, could get no one to give 
 me a brief. An uncle, who had taken a fancy to a 
 theory of mine about the authorship of Junius s Letters, 
 promised me a living; but a pamphlet which I pub- 
 lished, giving an entirely new view about the state of 
 the Primitive Church, prevented my getting ordained. 
 I then took regularly to medicine, and lost my first 
 batch of patients by a lecture on mesmerism. I 
 examined, in fact, every new theory that came out ; 
 and as I always found something good in each at first, 
 was inclined to become a convert ; but the moment of 
 my showing the least disposition to give it a fair 
 hearing, was the signal for those who called them- 
 selves the ' steady going ' and ' common sense ' portion 
 of mankind, to tnrow me overboard as a humbug. I 
 never made a hit but once, and that was by inventing 
 a pill — a thought which I conceived one morning early, 
 when I had no breakfast to occupy my attention other- 
 wise. This, as it was the only dishonest, so it was the 
 only successful thing I ever did. I made some money 
 by it, and took to natural science ; but quarrelled with 
 the geologists, on a point connected with the deluge. 
 Was it my fault that the earth's surface would not 
 tally with certain records of antiquity? At last, I 
 left England, and abroad I have ever since remained, 
 studying the physical aspect of the earth, as near as 
 possible to its centre. I subsisted as a doctor among 
 the eastern tribes ; but my cursed love of speculation 
 nearly got me murdered once or twice. Why, gentle-
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, Pt.X. 127 
 
 men, I attempted to undeceive the savages al3out the 
 Miimbo Jumbo worship, in one part of Africa ; and 
 narrowly escaped the bastinado in Constantinople, for 
 hinting at the absurdity of such an office as that of 
 royal astrologer ! In the ardour of my pursuit after 
 a theory, I turned Mussulman once, that I might be 
 allowed to go to Mecca, Avhich no infidel is permitted 
 to approach ; but was prevented by a singular and 
 ridiculous obstacle — " 
 
 "What was that?" said Julian, who, like myself, had 
 been listening with interest to this singular narration, 
 which, by the way, if we might judge from a grumbling 
 in a neighbouring bedroom, had somewhat disturbed a 
 traveller there. 
 
 " Why, sir," continued the philosopher, " when we 
 got half way to the city, I had just begun to anticipate 
 a sight of the well zemzem, and the temple, and was 
 wondering whether I should be able to learn anything 
 about the origin of that world-wide absurdity, the story 
 of Mahomet's coffin, hang me if they didn't want me to 
 let myself be circumcised ! There, I confess it, my 
 love of theories did not conquer. I demurred, and 
 returned. Since then I have wandered about with 
 every kind of fortune, making geological observations : 
 and I am now preparing a system, which is to revolu- 
 tionize modern science, and destroy old creeds." 
 
 Here the lover of theories paused ; and mixing some 
 brandy with water from my jug, refreshed himself with 
 a long draught ; after which he quietly lay down in a 
 corner of the room in his cloak, and in a few minutes 
 was asleep. Sleep must have made very little difference 
 to him, poor fellow, for he was dreaming always when 
 awake.
 
 128 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 A considerable nap had refreshed us all three, when 
 we awoke at noon ; and breakfast and the bath set us 
 all right. With some difficulty we ascertained that 
 the name of the philosopher was Haggles, for he had 
 borne different names everywhere, it appeared, and 
 could hardly recollect his primary English one. In 
 France he had been M. D'Aggle — in Italy, Signor 
 Haggela — in Arabia, Hagul Toleb ; and among the 
 tribes further south, had borne some horrid appellation 
 like Chickarick. 
 
 We went out for a ride during the day, and in the 
 evening the philosopher enlarged on his theory, in a 
 manner, such was its nature, that it gave us the 
 horrors. He harangued on the perpetual changes 
 that time is making, not in mere towns but in whole 
 continents — some of which, he said, were sinking, while 
 others were gradually emerging from wastes of ocean. 
 The effect of this, he argued would be, that the earth 
 would lose its equilibrium, and that in regaining it, the 
 ocean would rush over, and sweep nations away before 
 it. The deluge, he contended, was caused in that way. 
 To wind up the whole, he predicted, that the moon 
 would ultimately join the earth ! 
 
 From this eccentric personage, who was then trying 
 to get a situation as Professor in the University of 
 Athens, we parted next morning, and returned on 
 board after two nights' absence, with much original 
 information for Mr. William Roller. I never saw the 
 philosopher afterwards; and the last I heard of him, 
 was, that he had gone to India, and got made a Brah- 
 min — though how he managed the affair of caste, I 
 don't know. It is known, however, that some of the 
 early Jesuit Missionaries did. 
 
 In a few days, as Troubadour had eaten all the
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, K.X. 129 
 
 dinners that anybody in x\tliens seemed disposed to 
 give him at that period, he began to turn his attention, 
 as a last resource, to his duty to the service, and accor- 
 dingly resolved to visit some of the islands. We left 
 the harbour without any greater accident than three 
 collisions, and one grounding on shore, at all which 
 Troubadour — with that blissful indifterence to shame 
 which is an essential part of the ape — merely laughed. 
 Little Bulbous, the second lieutenant, was exceedingly 
 indignant (over his dessert) at this ; for Bulbous is a 
 rigid disciplinarian in his notions about everyone but 
 himself. 
 
 Some pleasant sailing brought us to the famous 
 island of Paros — the island from whose bosom was 
 dug the Parius lapis, which ancient genius hewed into 
 life-like beauty — that bright, w^hite delicate marble, 
 to which the Roman poet compared the skin of his 
 mistress. The marble is to be found there now, though 
 there are no sculptors ; for, unlike men, nature never 
 degenerates. 
 
 G 3
 
 130 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 THREE MONTHS IN THE WAVELET, CONTINUED. 
 When nature sickened, and each gale was death. — Pope. 
 
 A FAIR land and a lovely climate, bright flowery 
 fields, and perfumed gardens — the pleasant fountain 
 and the calm blue sea — groves where the orange and 
 the lemon shine like lamps in the daytime, and the 
 fireflies glitter in the night : the blossoms of the 
 almond tree, and the green ripeness of the cool fig — 
 these are the blessings that Providence has given to 
 the children of the east. Weigh them against political 
 degradation, popular ignorance, and diseases that there 
 is no science to check, and who does not prefer the 
 north? Everwhere is the lesson of labour inculcated 
 on mankind. For do we not see that they are invariably 
 more degraded in their condition, in proportion to the 
 ease with which they can supply their wants ? 
 
 The marble quarries of Paros are now represented 
 by a kind of tunnel, at one end of which lies a mis- 
 shapen statue of Pan. There are some pleasant spots 
 in the island; but of the dangerous nature of the 
 climate — at least at that season (the pleasantest) of 
 the year — we soon had a decisive proof in the Wavelet, 
 by the breaking out of a " continued " fever among the
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 131 
 
 crew. The illness of the first man was not considered 
 dangerons ; but when day after day added some one to 
 the list — as some strong man was seized with sickness, 
 and brought helpless to add one more to the crew of 
 invalids, huddled in their hammocks under our little 
 t02:)-gallant forecastle, it became obvious that the ship 
 was afflicted by a dangerous and deadly disorder. We 
 went to sea, and cruised about, that the fresh air might 
 do some good, but fatal results soon followed, as the 
 weaker among the sufferers, w^orn away by the fire of 
 fever, raved and babbled in delirium, and died in ex- 
 haustion. One we buried in his hammock, in the 
 loneliness of the sea. The wasted yellow body of the 
 other we placed in a rude coffin, with a handful of 
 shavings under the head, and interred under a scorch- 
 ing sun, in a little island near the Xegropont. 
 
 It was then that the terror of death hung about 
 our heads — whispered in the wind, and startled in the 
 dream. Then we looked on a little headache as a 
 premonitory symptom, or a casual shiver as the com- 
 mencement of disease ; for who shall say that death has 
 no terrors for him in a strange country, and a narrow 
 ship ? We went to Athens, and put into Phalerum 
 Bay. Persons from other vessels were not allowed to 
 come on board, though we might go on shore. More 
 deaths took place there ; and it was often my lot to 
 walk during the night watch, to and fro on the quarter- 
 deck, when from the head of the vessel were heard the 
 groans of the sick ; and on the gratings in the stern a 
 corpse was lying, covered over; with a flag across 
 the main-boom, as a canopy, and a lantern inside it. 
 The old quartermaster of the w^atch would walk 
 about sullenly — chewing his tobacco, and driving away 
 occasionally a dog on board, that after running howling
 
 132 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 round the deck, would jump on the gratings to lie 
 down and nestle on the corpse. One would almost 
 wish, at such a time, to have the poor creature's igno- 
 rant indifference ; he did not, as I sometimes did, start 
 as the moon's rays flashed reflected on the guns. 
 
 Those who died when we svere in Phalerum Bay 
 were buried at Athens in the cliurchyard there, at 
 which there officiates an English clergyman. It became 
 my duty to go one day, as midshipman of a funeral 
 party, which our second lieutenant, little Bulbous, 
 commanded. Bulbous found it a terrible bore, and 
 was in no amiable humour, beino[ diso^usted at once 
 with death. Captain Troubadour, Athens, and the 
 service. 
 
 We landed with the body. The hearse was followed 
 by Bulbous and myself in one coach, a firing party of 
 marines in another, and the messmates of the deceased 
 in a third. At this time Bulbous and I w^ere no very 
 great friends, inasmuch as in a recent mess conflict I 
 had blackened the eye of a midshipman who was a par- 
 ticular favourite of his ; so we rolled along in our slow 
 and solemn conveyance without speaking — he looking 
 out of one window and I out of another. Fancy two 
 men going to a funeral who " don't speak !" Now, 
 whether Bulbous saw the unnatural absurdity of this — 
 or whether, as is most probable, he found it "slow" to 
 be silent — certain it is that he pulled out a cigar-case, 
 and said — " Take a cigar, Mr. Plug !" With great 
 courtesy I accepted the peace off'ering, and lighted it, 
 and we whiffed away with friendly conversation ; and 
 having taken great care that the men shouldn't be per- 
 mitted to drink one drop at the road-side cafe, which 
 lies on the edge of the wood, half way between the 
 harbour and the town (in which case they would have
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 133 
 
 got drunk \ arrived at the gate of the churchyard, and 
 halted there — surrounded by a curious crowd of Bava- 
 rians, Albanians, and inhabitants of the town gathered 
 to see the ceremony. Down jumped little Bulbous 
 from the coach, and beo^an to fjive his orders in that 
 sharp, shrill, and impetuous manner which character- 
 ized him on deck at sea. 
 
 " Now then," he roared, " bear a hand. Open the 
 hearse. Timkins, you lubber, move yourself I Out 
 with the body. Slew romid the head ! " and the little 
 man rattled his sword, and perspired all over with 
 excitement. 
 
 The clergyman had arrived from his house on Hy- 
 metta, and dismounted from his pony. A servant 
 followed with an umbrella to keep the sun from his 
 reverence's head. The procession, and the noble and 
 pathetic service of the Church of England, began. We 
 arrived at the grave, which was surrounded by gazing 
 groups. The clergyman continued the service ; and as 
 he turned his eyes to heaven, looked right up into the 
 umbrella that was held over him. How many of us do 
 the same in a difterent way! 
 
 When the time came for the salute, one of the marines 
 in his nervousness (for Bulbous was scowling like a 
 sulky demon) dropped his percussion cap into the dust. 
 
 " Corporal ! " screamed the little lieutenant, alto- 
 gether unmindful of the occasion, "mark that conduct 
 of Scroggins's, and report it wdien you get on board I" 
 
 The lookers-on gazed at each other in surprise — the 
 Greeks, I presume, thinking it an odd ceremony — and 
 the clergyman looked down in confusion. I hid myself 
 behind some one present. At last, the ceremony w^as 
 concluded, and we left the ground — the men hurrying 
 down the street at full gallop, to reach the half-way
 
 134 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 cafe before us ; and Bulbous pursuing them in a dread- 
 ful rage. It was not without considerable difficulty 
 that we got them on board sober. 
 
 Shortly afterwards, a message came to Bulbous that 
 there was something to pay for the coach. 
 
 " I shan't pay a rap," said he. It was public service, 
 and they've no right to come on me for it." 
 
 This was reported to Troubadour, who, with great 
 disdain, paid tlie money himself. 
 
 Some time elapsed before the fever left us ; and we 
 sent those who had recovered, to recruit their health 
 at Malta hospital. 
 
 About this time I lost a pleasant trip through an 
 absurd habit that Troubadour had got into of punning. 
 Some of us, including Julian, were anxious to visit 
 Corinth ; and I went to Troubadour to ask his per- 
 mission for absence. Will the reader believe that the 
 infatuated individual actually replied — " I cannot spare 
 you, Mr. Plug : you know the proverb — 
 
 'jN'on cuivis homini contingit adire Coriiitlium !'" 
 
 And I was actually deprived of the journey for this 
 ridiculous ebullition.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 135 
 
 CHAPTER YI. 
 
 HOW WE KEPT OUR BIRTHDAYS IN THE WAVELET. 
 
 Recte adraones: liberaliter bibendum est, largias, copiosius, meracius, 
 bibenduml — Erasmds. {CoUoqiiiorum Opus Aurenm.) 
 
 " Plug," said Roller to me one morning in the berth, 
 as I was lying down with my head on a desk, reading 
 the Colloquia of Erasmus (wherein is to be found, by 
 the way, more sound sense, more sound learning, and 
 more genuine humour, than was ever dreamt of in the 
 philosophy of a cockney " comic writer"), " I wish you 
 many happy returns of the day." 
 
 " What day?" said I, with disgusting hypocrisy — for 
 I knew that I should be let in for an infinity of sherry 
 and grog, if I admitted that it was my natal day. 
 
 "What day!" cried Julian, pulling out a pocket 
 book ; and he began to read with great solemnity, 
 " Extract from the register of St. Giles's church — or 
 St. James's — I don't care which. ' Percival Plug, 
 male child of Tobias and Jemima Plug : born May, 
 182 — ; baptized, &c.' So you see," said he, "I am 
 familiar with the whole case. You are just seventeen 
 years old to-day ; and you'll be pleased to comply with 
 the traditionary customs of the service, by standing 
 wine and grog to the mess. Do you think we don't
 
 136 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 know your birthday, if you leave your diary lying 
 about?" 
 
 There was no help for it ; so that about eight that 
 evening, the mess seated themselves at the table in the 
 berth for convivial purposes. As the place was only 
 fit to accommodate six, and there were eight of us 
 seated there, with the door fast and the weather hot, it 
 may be supposed that we were very comfortable. 
 
 On the table glittered two bottles of sherry ; but 
 these were more for ornament than anything else. The 
 great attraction and chief pride of the banquet was the 
 mess soup tureen, filled to the brim with whiskey 
 punch. It glowed like a hot spring in Iceland ; and 
 the slices of lemon floated in it like islands in the 
 Archipelago. All had been made right outside. The 
 quartermaster was left to take care of the watch. 
 The captain was on shore, enjoying what some people 
 call "society" — that is to say, the company of a re- 
 spectable family, with a snufiy old father, a pious 
 mother, two young ladies playing on a piano out of 
 tune, and a small quantity of mulled elder wine. 
 Hireling, the first lieutenant, had gone to bed fatigued. 
 The worthy fellow had that day kicked two men, had 
 had three boys caned, and once whipped the captain's 
 dog — on which he used to revenge himself for Trouba- 
 dour's snubbings ; and as may be easily imagined, was 
 of course a little fatigued. 
 
 Our conversation turned first, of course, on "the 
 ship." An attempt by Roller to suggest a new way of 
 rigging the pinnace was, however, speedily put down, 
 as also an effort of M'Bluter, the assistant surgeon, to 
 describe an operation — and a speculation of Dulcet's as 
 to the winner of the next races at Malta. We then went 
 on to talk of our friends on various parts of the station.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 137 
 
 " Oh I" said Dulcet, " I had a letter the other day, 
 from Jio-crer, of the Bustard. It seems that thev were 
 at Naples with the Preposterous. Young Harmsway 
 was sold there capitally." 
 
 '• How was that ?" said Julian. " I should like to 
 hear of that fellow being humbugged. He scents his 
 note paper when he writes to you ; and every time he 
 comes on board, talks mysteriously about having been 
 passing the evening with a ' pretty little Sicilian,' when 
 in reality he has been taking tea with a maiden aunt, 
 who lives at Malta because she's admitted into society 
 nowhere else." 
 
 " Well," said Dulcet, " when the Preposterous got 
 to Naples, of course there were shoals of strangers on 
 board, to see the curiosities of the ship (of which the 
 captain, by the way, is one of the most interesting) ; 
 and all the midshipmen were showing great civilities 
 to the most crack-looking visitors, with a view to future 
 dinners. Young Jigger picked up a rich traveller from 
 Somersetshire, who gave a capital spread at the Vic- 
 toria — the best hotel in the town. Harmsway kept 
 very busy, showing all the weapons to everybody on 
 board — snapping the locks on the guns, and frightening 
 the ladies by exhibiting the tomahawks and boarding- 
 pikes. (By the bye, Julian, do you remember what a 
 row you got into with Troubadour for showing the 
 
 * cat' to a visitor ?) At last, a new party came, who 
 looked what Harmsway thought very ^ genteel.' The 
 
 * gentleman' wore a blue coat, with brass buttons ; and 
 the Mady' carried a green parasol. Harmsway showed 
 them all kinds of civilities, which were very graciously 
 received in a rather dignified manner — a kind of stately 
 silence. Presently, having seen everything, they went 
 into the mess to have some sherry. The generous
 
 138 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 fluid made the ^gentleman' more communicative ; and 
 to the astonishment of everybody, he rose and said — 
 ' Gemmen, hi beg to proppose a toast ! Success to the 
 British h-arms ! ' You can easily fancy the effect this 
 produced." 
 
 " Who the deuce were they ?" said Julian. 
 
 " Why," said Dulcet, laughing, " only the footman 
 and nursery maid of an English travelling family ! 
 Poor Harmsway thought they were great people. The 
 fellows in the mess nearly tormented his life out of him 
 about it, and ' success to the British h-arms !' was the 
 standing toast after dinner." 
 
 "You know Davies, don't you?" said Dulcet. 
 
 " Yes," replied Julian : " as Churchill says — 
 
 * Tliat Davies liatL a very pretty wife.' 
 
 What of him?" 
 
 " He has bolted from Malta with one of the singers 
 at the opera, and gone to Palermo !" 
 
 " By Jove ! what a windfall for Malta ! Something 
 to talk about for a week. What's become of his 
 wife?" 
 
 " Oh !" said Dulcet, " I have reasons for not pitying 
 her, which it is unnecessary to specify ; but I pity his 
 creditors most." 
 
 " What else did Jigger tell you in his letter ?" asked 
 Roller. 
 
 " Only that poor old Binnacle is dead. I knew him 
 in the Roarer. He used to grumble most desperately 
 about the work he had to do, when the junior lieuten- 
 ants got ofp easily. ' Here is an old fellow like me at 
 work,' he said once, ^ and there's our friend Henry (the 
 junior lieutenant) sitting in his cabin, drinking cham- 
 pagne out of a tumbler — burning pastilles in his wash-
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 139 
 
 hand basin, and whistling an air from Xorma.' What 
 a picture of modern naval service !" 
 
 •' Well," said Julian, '" let us cut the service for a 
 time. You brought 'Tancred' from Malta with you, 
 Plug : what do you think of it ? " 
 
 " Why, the general opinion seems to be, that the first 
 volmue is the best ; and the part about the east, inferior. 
 I think quite otherwise. The first volume would na- 
 turally please many people best, because it gives them 
 a glimpse of what they call * high life ; ' and there is a 
 prurient snobbish curiosity, which is gratified by that 
 kind of revelation. But, I apprehend that the artistic 
 power of the writer is more shown in the description of 
 eastern life and eastern scenery. The childish sim- 
 plicity of the young emir, with his plots and manoeuvres, 
 is capitally described ; and the description of a night 
 scene at Jerusalem, very beautiful, though it must be 
 admitted, that the efi:ect is produced, more by the music 
 of the language — the harmony of the sentences — than 
 the originality of the thoughts. But one great draw^- 
 back is, that one cannot divest one's self of the idea, that 
 the author is only playing a part — that this eastern 
 enthusiasm is only an affectation of Mr. Disraeli's ; and 
 that he simply assumes it, as one would an oriental 
 dress at a fancy ball, for the sake of making an 
 effect." 
 
 " Yes," cried Julian, *•' you call it an affectation. 
 You are an admirer ; and it's no use arguing against 
 Mr. Disraeli to you, any more than telling the popula- 
 tion of Thibet, that their Llama is a blockhead. But 
 I call it humbug. And fancy Mr. Disraeli's boldly 
 introducing an angel to spout Young Englandism. 
 This was an absurd impiety. Fancy an angel in a 
 white waistcoat ! — an angel wearing an imperial, and
 
 140 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 black ringlets ! — an angel descending to tell an English 
 gentleman the principles of the member for Shrewsbury! 
 It's a piece of ridiculous impiety! — " 
 
 " Come," cried Dulcet, " for God's sake don't spout ! 
 Another tumbler, and we shall be having Julian ha- 
 ranguing on the immortality of the soul. I know the 
 gradation perfectly: an impeachment of the Whigs — 
 tumbler first : quotations from Cicero's second philippic 
 — tumbler second : criticisms on Disraeli, Savage Lan- 
 dor, and Thackeray — tumbler third : wholesale sarcasm 
 — tumbler fourth : and so on, to drunkenness, stutter- 
 ing, singing, and Pomponatius De immortalitate ani- 
 marum I " 
 
 This burst of Dulcet's made us all laugh ; and the 
 ladle began to sink and rise in the soup (or rather 
 punch) tureen, with the regularity of a piston. 
 
 When men get too tipsy to talk they take to singing, 
 and this was the case now. The Scotch assistant- 
 surgeon began the Laird o' Cochpen, which, combined 
 with the Poachers from Dulcet, the Pope from the clerk, 
 the Leshia semper hie et inde of Front's from Julian, 
 and A white sail and a flowing sheet from myself, made 
 rather a curious effect. So, the surgeon, who was in 
 the adjoining gun-room, reading the Lancet, seemed to 
 think, for he sent in a boy to remonstrate, and was 
 informed in reply, that he had better put his head in a 
 bag: this he declined, but one thing he did do — he 
 complained to the captain. 
 
 The night w^ore away fast ; the men on the lower 
 deck, turning round in their hammocks, and execrating 
 the parties who were causing the uproar in growled-out 
 execrations. 
 
 The end of the evening was, that some of the party 
 rolled over their hammocks in a most ridiculous man-
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 141 
 
 ner in attempting to get into them : the clerk walked, 
 or rather staggered into his office, and made an insane 
 attempt to walk np the mainmast, which came through 
 the corner of it. Julian and I swore eternal friendship 
 under the main hatchway, much to the annoyance of 
 the boatswain, whose cabin was in the neiohbourhood. 
 
 ■' CD 
 
 Next morning came, and the whole mess were brought 
 up before Captain Troubadour, on the complaint of the 
 doctor. 
 
 When he had finished his reprimand, and decreed 
 that no singing should be permitted in the mess for 
 the future, and that the lights should be put out at 
 nine — 
 
 " You see, sir," said Julian. 
 
 " Silence I Mr. Linley," said the captain. 
 
 "But—" 
 
 " Go below, sir !" shouted the captain. 
 
 " Will you permit—" 
 
 "To your berth, sir!" shouted the captain. 
 
 " One word — " 
 
 " I'll put you under arrest, sir." 
 
 Remonstrance was obviously impossible ; but this is 
 the way they do justice in the navy. We retired to 
 our berth to damn the service ; and Troubadour to his 
 cabin, to pronounce that it was going to the devil. 
 Hireling grinned at the scene, as the skeletons grinned 
 at the feasts of the ancient Egyptians.
 
 142 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 ME. JULIAN LINLEY S RUNAWAY MARRIAGE. 
 
 The Wavelet had left Athens and taken up her posi- 
 tion in Dockyard Creek, Malta, opposite the imposing 
 scene of the dirt of Burmola and the pillars of the 
 victualling yard. Troubadour was most of his time on 
 shore, playing billiards at the Club in the morning ; 
 sauntering in Florian Gardens, to see the rank and 
 fashion of the island, in the evening ; and at night, the 
 " WTiobserved of all observers" in a box at the opera. I 
 rather think that Hireling was displaying his elephant- 
 ine playfulness, in a flirtation with one of the middle 
 classes. The rest of the fellows were employed in all 
 sorts of ways — everyway, in fact, but usefully to the 
 profession. 
 
 About this time, Julian began, like Rasselas, to with- 
 draw himself from his favourite employments and 
 amusements, and from our society. He went on shore 
 — no one knew where ; and came on board — no one 
 saw when. He renounced whiskey punch; and ne- 
 glected to clean his meerschaum. I saw he was big 
 with some important matter ; but for some time could 
 find out no more. The fact of my having found a
 
 SKKTCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 143 
 
 sonnet lying about in his handwriting, To a Lady, with 
 some jlowers, beginning — 
 
 '■ Lady, these flowers were gathered in a land 
 "Where no weeds srow — " 
 
 (though, where the deuce such land is situated, he has 
 neglected ever since to inform me, by the byj, gaye me 
 a glimpse of the truth. At last, he made me his con- 
 fidant. He was simply in loye desperately with Yioletta 
 Hertford: she, it appeared, w^as, as became her, exactly 
 so affected towards him ; but there did not seem the 
 smallest probability of its ever resulting in success. In 
 fact, it was a desperate case, and demanded all our 
 pluck to devise a project. 
 
 The family of the Hertfords lived in a certain part 
 of the island, in one of those stately and rather rough- 
 looking castles, which are the relics of the sway of the 
 learned, pious, and gallant Order of St. John. An old 
 crest was sculptured over the entrance. The principal 
 halls had arched and painted roofs ; and some of them 
 Latin inscriptions over the doors. There was a large 
 garden that nourished some fine orange trees, and a 
 little grotto at the end, from the bottom of which 
 bubbled up a fresh fountain, and the roof and sides of 
 w^hich Ayere adorned with natiu'e's architecture — the 
 stalactite. 
 
 Papa Hertford was a proud, stately, cold, English 
 gentleman, a scholar and a student. He was a great 
 theorist on politics, and a friend of the " people ;" but 
 like some others of that class, loved mankind in the 
 lump, but not in the individual. He had married an 
 Italian lady, who, by this time, had become a devotee 
 and patroness of the Jesuits, who freqnented the house
 
 144 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 a great deal. They were very much afraid of Mr. 
 Hertford at first, but that gentleman did not condes- 
 cend to interfere with them. "Pooh!" he thought, 
 "what harm can a bushel of priests do me?" ajtjd he 
 turned to his Montesquieu, and left them to pray, 
 preach, and do just what they pleased. 
 
 Yioletta, the blossom — the only one — of this genealo- 
 gical tree, had much of her father's talent and pride ; 
 more of her mother's beauty and devotion ; but neither 
 the coldness of the one nor the fanaticism of the other. 
 On the contrary, she had made up her mind to enjoy 
 her fair share of the world's common stock of happi- 
 ness, and to take neither the veil of bride or nun, unless 
 she felt perfectly disposed to do so. Nature had written 
 that plainly on her face — and in her finest handwriting 
 too. The love sparkled in her blue eyes and glowed in 
 her cheeks ; the courage quivered on her lips. 
 
 Julian must have managed to effect his entree to this 
 house rather adroitly — against father, mother, and 
 Jesuits ; but it was done by tact. He read up on the 
 father's favourite studies, and begged a sight of his 
 MSS. He pretended to the Jesuits that he was becom- 
 ing converted ; and made the mother a present of an 
 illuminated missal, which he said was of the fourteenth 
 century — but which I strongly suspect to have been 
 the work of some Chattertonian genius of the present 
 day. To Yioletta he said nothing that he did not 
 think and feel. Three weeks' intimacy made them 
 each others' heart and soul. 
 
 When the family saw this, of course the game was 
 up for the time. Mr. Hertford was too proud to forbid 
 Julian the house. "Could a mere boy injure himV 
 He made no reproaches to Yioletta. He only said, 
 " Daughter, you will be pleased to repel that young
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 145 
 
 crentleman's advances;" and then tliouirlit that there 
 was no necessity to trouble himself farther on the sub- 
 ject. He treated Julian next time he came with a 
 haught}' courtesy, which even that youth's self-confi- 
 dence did not let him misinterpret. He left early — 
 he foimd a chance of privately communicating Avitli 
 Violetta ; and he came on board, and asked for my 
 assistance in flying to Sicily with her I Reasoning was 
 thrown away upon him. It was plainly useless ; and 
 it became my duty as his friend, to do the best I could 
 in his cause, come what might. I put myself very 
 cautiously, into communication with a priest. Obstacle 
 the first presented itself in a religious form. She was 
 a catholic — Julian a protestant. I thought that this 
 would have checked him at all events. Xo such 
 thing. 
 
 " Bah I" said he, " what are all their catholic mum- 
 meries to me ? Can't one be saved with Bossuet and 
 Pascal, as well as with Tillotson and Barrow ? Does 
 the bishop of London keep the keys of heaven?" 
 
 There was then but one course open — conversion. 
 That I left to his own decision and act. I soon saw 
 what these were. Three days afterwards he called me 
 aside — he pulled out something by a small hair chain 
 from his breast — it was Violetta's hair ; and it held a 
 silver cross — emblems at once of his love and his apos- 
 tacy. 
 
 A few weeks of trial and terror passed on. We 
 had arrano-ed to hire a sailing; boat, with two or three 
 trusty men, in which the pair were to fly at evening. 
 I purchased a small compass — worked the course and 
 distance to Syracuse — procured some necessary stores ; 
 and waited for the hour when I was to sail the boat 
 from the grand harbour, round to an appointed 
 
 VOL. 1. H
 
 146 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 creek on the island coast, where they were to be wait- 
 ing for us. 
 
 On the eventful day the ceremony was performed in 
 the silver tones of the eternal language. No repent- 
 ance could recall this now — a consciousness which gave 
 Violetta the courage to return home and spend the day. 
 No pallor proclaimed apprehension ; no tears bore wit- 
 ness to a regret. She bore her part admirably. In 
 the evening she wandered out in the garden — the soft 
 wind that was to bear her away, scattered flowers at 
 her feet. She lifted up a handful and placed them in 
 her bosom. They were to remind her and another of 
 the place where they had first met. 
 
 The sun sank, and the wind increased. She paused 
 at the foot of the garden, turned to the gate gently, and 
 tripped along the grass. Her mother was at vespers — 
 praying for her perhaps ; her father was in his study, 
 enquiring into the origin of laws — perhaps of laws of 
 marriage ! She passed on. In ten minutes she had met 
 Julian : in ten minutes more, both were with me on the 
 beach. I had wrapped myself in a great nautical coat, 
 and brought my pistols loaded with me, in order that, 
 if the Maltese should turn traitors, I might (as there 
 was no appealing to their hearts) appeal effectually to 
 their understandings, for a Maltese fears every weapon 
 but a knife. 
 
 All went right, however. I soon saw them on 
 board. The sheet was hauled aft, and the boat 
 sprang out to sea. I stood by the shore and watched 
 her as far as I could — and when she crossed the 
 stream of light thrown by the moon, and I got one 
 farewell glimpse of her — I saw that the pace was 
 capital. The next day they reached Syracuse. The 
 next, they started for Naples.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 147 
 
 Well, reader, what was the result of all this ? Such 
 hubbub in Malta, to begin with I I thought the scan- 
 dal mongers would have died of their exertions. 
 
 Of course, there were all the young men who had 
 admired Yioletta, angry with Julian ; and all those 
 ladies who had no chance of marrying themselves, mad 
 with Yioletta. Old Ricochet, of the Preposterous, who 
 has a wife like what Lord Chesterfield called " a respect- 
 able Hottentot," swore that he would have the "whelp" 
 flogged if he ever saw him at sea again. Biddies of the 
 Rifles, called him a " pwesumptuous miscweant ;" and 
 Ransacker, of the Hookit, an " infernal young fool." 
 All the midshipmen in the fleet, however, swore that 
 he was a " brick ;" and we drank two dozen of cham- 
 pagne to his health in the Wavelet! Baggies made 
 his usual assertion that the service was " going to the 
 devil." It surely should have gone there ere this, for to 
 my certain knowledge, it has been going there these 
 fifty years — on the authority of those old captains who 
 would seem to think that the only panacea for its evils, 
 would be to dress the midshipmen like snobs, and make 
 them feed like coalwhippers. The admiral pronounced 
 certain dismissal from the service. The Jesuits threat- 
 ened excommunication. Little Shovel, the fatheaded 
 protestant bigot of St. Kilderkin, pronounced his little 
 fiat of eternal damnation. 
 
 As for the friends of the couple, we all can 
 guess what they did. Linley disinherited his son ; 
 and Hertford cursed his daughter, and blotted out 
 her name at once, from his will, his memory, and his 
 heart. 
 
 Julian and Yioletta stayed a week near Naples. Did 
 they get tired of each other? By no means. They 
 have now come to London. Julian has determined to 
 
 H 2
 
 148 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 make his way for himself, and is doing it like a man. 
 
 They live in Violetta Cottage, near ; and if you 
 
 are out there on a summer morning, you may see 
 Yioletta bending down her fine figure in the garden 
 to gather strawberries, with her dark brown ringlets 
 wavino; across her face — and Julian watching her from 
 the window, with all the interest and admiration that 
 he did when he saw her in her father's garden plucking 
 an orange, in Malta; and wdien everybody expected she 
 would make a splendid alliance with the great Baron 
 Hotchpotch, who subsequently married, spent his wife's 
 fortune in gambling, and hanged himself. (" Nothing 
 became him in life like the leaving of it.") lie 
 writes and reads in the morning ; and at night, by 
 the light of a "most respectable" camphine lamp, she 
 translates and interprets Tasso to him in a manner 
 worthy of her descent by the maternal side. They 
 are quite content with very moderate pleasures, seeing 
 no enjoyment in dancing in crowded rooms, or wild 
 beast shows, or parvenus with money, or Ethiopian 
 serenaders. They were sickened of the opera abroad, 
 and are satisfied to go to a national theatre on those rare 
 occasions when a fine English comedy is well played — 
 and then they do not disdain to accept a box order, 
 which they get, I hear, from Timkins, of the Weekly 
 Flagellator, who (as the most promising young libeller 
 of the day) has more of them than any man in London. 
 
 Their little boy, Percival Plug Linley, is a remark- 
 ably fine child. 
 
 Of the gentlemen and ladies who abused them at 
 Malta — some of the first have rotted into dissipation, 
 and some of the latter are withering into old maidism. 
 Some have made "highly respectable" matches, and 
 are the most miserable devils in Europe.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 149 
 
 Old Hertford has read himself stupid with intense 
 labour. His History of Mankind since the Council of 
 Nice, is, I am told, a useful book ; and ^Yill doubtless 
 appear — when he finds a publisher. 
 
 Mj. share in helping them at Malta got wind, and 
 cost me some trouble. I was obliged to pull the nose 
 of Jigger, of the Bustard, and subsequently to change 
 my ship. So I left H. M. brig Wav^elet soon after.
 
 150 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 plug's portraits for the painted hall, GREENWICH. 
 
 Crens ferox! — Virgil. 
 
 I. — THE BOATSWAIN. 
 
 We rather prefer the boatswain to the other " monsters 
 of the deep:" he is generally a good fellow; Ajax in 
 the field, and an alderman at the banquet. Weather 
 of any kind makes no more impression on him than on 
 the Wellington statue ; rain pours off him harmlessly, 
 as off the roof of a house. His face is carved into 
 wrinkles, as if by a chisel ; his skin has been tanned 
 hard and dry — eastern suns have dried it hard — 
 northern seas soaked it again — hail has peppered it, 
 and fire scorched it. Still there it is — vigorous and 
 tough, with a rough goodnature warming it. His 
 shaggy irregular eyebrows overhang his grey eyes as 
 a cliff does a torrent. He never walks two yards for- 
 ward in the same attitude ; and what with his gestures, 
 and his extraordinary style of clothes, no inexperienced 
 observer can tell where his legs begin, or his body 
 leaves off, or how they are united. 
 
 The future boatswains of England (by the way, 
 why don't Barrow, or somebody, write a series of that 
 name ?) are now variously scattered over our sea
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 151 
 
 coasts, dressed in corduroys, and catching shrimps — 
 "sea urchins" of extraordinary breed. To drag the 
 reluctant periwinkle from his home — to build little 
 sand heaps — to chaff the sentry at the dock yard — 
 these are tlieir amusements. Some combine emolu- 
 ment with them, and " accept office " as under secre- 
 taries to bumboats, or possibly to drive a watercart. 
 They enter the navy as boys, wdiere, being too rough to 
 be made servants, they are generally stationed among 
 the foretop men. There they are great favourites of 
 the captain of the top, being ready for anything, how- 
 ever dangerous or dirty, in the way of work — to furl 
 a top-gallant sail, or dabble in a tar or grease barrel. 
 They are the terror of the cook, and the pest of the 
 master at arms. When they get flogged at the tail of 
 a gun, they bear it like Spartans, and sometimes with 
 a cool irony, as for example, by crying out during the 
 operation — " Oh ! take w^arning by me !" and so on. 
 In time a boy of this sort rises to foretopman ; goes 
 everywhere, in merchant ships, opium clippers, slave 
 traders, colliers, and hoys ; and at last gets made cap- 
 tain of a top, and boatswain's mate. Being then stirred 
 by the " last infirmity of noble minds," he teaches him- 
 self, with assistance, to read and write ; and having 
 pleased some captain, is examined for promotion, and 
 gets his warrant. He has now" reached the top of the 
 tree, and looks down w^ith contempt on " those who 
 labour in the lower occupations of life."* He purchases 
 a silver " call " and assumes a tail coat. On Sundays 
 he appears in a huge white waistcoat; and on Christmas 
 day is generally asked to dinner by the captain, w^hen 
 he feels terribly awkward, and does not know w^hat to 
 
 * Dr. Jolinson.
 
 152 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 do when asked to take wine. " No tlmnkye, sir — I'll 
 take a potato" — is we believe, the traditionary orthodox 
 reply, as laid down in the boatswain's code of etiquette 
 for these occasions. 
 
 The boatswain is commonly married to a female of 
 congenial mind, who drinks a little gin — is very fond 
 of tea, and wears black stockings. Sometimes he has 
 a comely daughter, whom the common sailors look on 
 with much the same feeling of respect as you and I, 
 reader, do on a great heiress. This young lady behaves 
 with scrupulous caution with regard to midshipmen ; 
 and most delicately and prudently — perhaps a little 
 ^TMcLislily — adjusts her green gown, when about to 
 descend the main hatchway. 
 
 The boatswain is very frequently a politician of no 
 ordinary intensity of feeling, and may be seen in the 
 " Blue Anchor," or the " Happy Marlingspike," reading 
 a radical print, much thumbed, and adorned with various 
 '^ fairy rings," produced by the circular bottom of a 
 pewter. He has a general antipathy to bishops, with 
 regard to whom he has some vague notion that they, 
 somehow or other, deprive him of a portion of his pay. 
 He agrees with Bentinck, Sibthorp, and other distin- 
 guished men, on the navigation laws. 
 
 When superannuated, he retires to some neat little 
 cottage in a seaport town — a nautical oracle on weather 
 and war among the neighbours. You may see him 
 toddling along with his pipe, on a summer evening, 
 devoutly raising his hat to every naval man he meets. 
 
 A quiet death closes his useful existence, and he is 
 much regretted by everybody ; but particularly by the 
 neighbouring publican, to whom he has been a punctual 
 and steady customer. Peace to his manes !
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.X. 153 
 
 II. — THE CARPENTER. 
 
 The carpenter has mostly l3egun his career as a 
 journeyman carpenter on shore, in business, wherein 
 having failed through too little custom, or too great a 
 love of gin, he has entered in the carpenter's crew on 
 board some ship, and gradually risen to a warrant. He 
 esteems himself superior to the boatswain, on the 
 ground that he is a scientific man, and hints dimly 
 at his mathematical acquirements. The great nuisance 
 that embitters his existence, is his being obliged to do 
 all sorts of private woi'k, in many cases, for officers of 
 the ship, which work tends nowise to the benefit of 
 the coantry. Of this he complains bitterly — on prin- 
 ciple, as he says — but it is just probable, that his private 
 convenience may be the leading motive of it. Another 
 great plague of his life is his having men in his crew 
 occasionally ignorant of their work, which compels him 
 to play the " top sawyer " — in the literal acceptation of 
 the term — himself. 
 
 We once knew a carpenter — it was at Malta — of the 
 most extraordinary character. His mania was for pic- 
 tures. No connoisseur ever descanted with more en- 
 thusiasm on a Claude than he would on any picture 
 he had managed to pick up. He was constantly per- 
 suaded that the last picture he had bought was by 
 Murillo. He would keep for hours together altering 
 its position in his cabin, that it might best receive the 
 light from the porthole. This achieved, he would get 
 hold of one of the midshipmen to show it to him. 
 Having placed him with great formality in a chair, he 
 
 H 3
 
 154 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 would take up his position opposite the picture, and 
 begin to discourse on its beauties. 
 
 " Look at tliat tint, sir ! Here you see the shewery 
 scoolif (this was his name for chiaro oscuro). Now, 
 Mr. Plug, you've been at Naples and seen the gallery- 
 there— Don't you think it's a Murillo ? " 
 
 What was one to say ? He wouldn't have believed 
 you to the contrary ; so the only way was to admit that 
 " you certainly had seen something very like it there ;" 
 on which the old man would look at it with a devout 
 expression of countenance. It was sheer enthusiasm 
 on his part ; for ten times what it cost him would not 
 induce him to part with a picture which he liked. 
 
 The carpenter occasionally entertains the boatswain 
 in his cabin with much formality, and both bewail 
 the degeneracy of the naval officers of the present 
 day. 
 
 III. — THE GUNNER. 
 
 The gunner rules supreme over the weapons of war. 
 A sixty-eight-pounder is not an object of terror to him, 
 but a familiar companion. He pats the breech in a 
 friendly manner, and looks to see if the old boy has 
 hurt himself with his recent exertions. No wonder that 
 he is fond of him — he has known him ever since he was 
 breeched! He thinks it a terrible profanity that boys 
 should be flogged on him. 
 
 His great pride is to see that all the shot in the racks 
 are brilliantly black ; and his great pleasure, to bring 
 a shell up out of the shell room, handling it a young 
 girl does mamma's kitten. On general quarter days
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 155 
 
 lie is below, attired like a stage demon, near the powder 
 magazine, in a state of active excitement. 
 
 It falls to the unhappy lot of the gunner to have to 
 teach the gun exercise to the " young gentlemen." An 
 usher of an academy, as pictured by Goldsmith, is not 
 more uncomfortable than our friend on these occasions. 
 In the first place, the youths can't be all got together 
 without trouble ; and when one is absent another goes 
 to bring him, and don't come back himself. Then 
 when all are collected together, some can't understand 
 — others won't — and some are sulky, because they 
 " won't be domineered over by a plebeian I" 
 
 "Now, gents, to youi' stations! No. 1. — the captain 
 — Mr. Smith. No. 2. — the second captain — Mr. Jones. 
 No. 3. — the loader — Mr. Tomkins," he cries, and so on. 
 
 " Attention, gents, I beg, or I really must speak to 
 the first lieutenant. Prowiding stores — What does 
 No. 1. prowide, Mr. Smith?" 
 
 " Provides for his family, I suppose," answers the 
 ingenious Mr. Smith ; which joke is quite good enough 
 to raise a roar of laughter under the circumstances. 
 
 After a great deal of torment he gets them through 
 the answers, and advances to another portion. 
 
 " Why do you stop the vent, Mr. Tomkins ?" 
 
 " I'm not stopping it," answers he, amidst renewed 
 laughter. 
 
 " I didn't mean that," says the gunner. " You should 
 say that it's in order the sponge may be inserted to 
 extinguish any particle of fire in the gun ; because," he 
 adds pompously, " fire can't burn without hair ! " at 
 which there is another laugh. 
 
 And so the drilling proceeds ; and the gun is cast 
 loose to be worked ; and 3, the loader, drops the 
 rammer overboard, after which 4, the sponger, drops
 
 156 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 the sponge after it, on the principle, as he very gravely 
 says, on which boys shoot one arrow after a lost one, to 
 find both. 
 
 At last the gun is secured, and the midshipmen ask 
 the old boy down to take a glass of grog, which some- 
 what softens him. 
 
 Gunners of the " Benbow school" are very much 
 plagued by having a crew under them from the Excel- 
 lent, who have heard a smattering of science there, and 
 give themselves all those airs which make a plebeian 
 Avho is beginning to be educated, the most disagreeable 
 object in the world. 
 
 The gunner occasionally blows off a finger, in at- 
 tempting to invent some new deadly machine of 
 war. 
 
 IV. — THE MASTER AT ARMS. 
 
 This worthy is the beadle of the navy. He carries 
 a cane to flog the boys. He has the general superin- 
 tendence of the lower deck, and has to look out that no 
 dirty clothes are left lying about in hiding places. He 
 is often a usurer on a small scale, lending money to the 
 men at exorbitant interest ; but this can only go on in a 
 ship where there is the grossest want of attention and 
 decency on the part of the commanding officer. 
 
 The master at arms attends with the water when poor 
 wretches are flogged, under the present enlightened sys- 
 tem, and counts one, two, &c., as each lash whistles 
 through the air on the quivering and bloody flesh. 
 
 We will conclude this chapter with a remark on
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.X. 157 
 
 the warrant officers (gunner, boatswain, and carpenter), 
 that few first lieutenants treat them with an attention 
 proportionate to their usefulness. Too often we find 
 them ill used by such a character as the Hireling of our 
 past pages — a character of which we wish we could say, 
 for the honour of the profession, that it was wholly a 
 fictitious one.
 
 158 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MORE PORTRAITS. 
 
 We have often wondered how it came to pass that the 
 author of the Book of Snobs, who walked through the 
 forest of society with an axe in his hand, felling trees 
 right and left, from the regal oak to the homely 
 poplar, and leaving them on the ground tallied Snob, 
 — never devoted a line to the Naval Snob. To attempt 
 to supply the omission would be as audacious as to put 
 a hill or a cottage into one of Turner's landscapes ; so 
 we will simply regret that it should exist, and proceed 
 in our own humble and unpretending style. 
 
 If the warrant officer be the Caliban of the service, 
 the naval instructor is the Prospero. In the olden time, 
 such education as was to be got on board a man of war, 
 was derived from the services of an official school- 
 master. That was the time when they used to supply 
 the loss of a lieutenant, by turning the hands up to 
 ascertain who could read and write, and appointing 
 a man possessing these rare accomplishments in his 
 room. That was the period when flogging round the 
 fleet went on; and the proceedings of courts-martial 
 used to be shortened (for the convenience of the service) 
 by giving the prisoner no time to make his defence 
 — when a captain shot his first lieutenant dead in cold
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 159 
 
 blood, for disputing an unjust order, and was not 
 hanged for it — when midshipmen used to be flogged 
 in the captain's cabin, and duty was carried on amidst 
 cursings, execrations, obscene threats, and blows right 
 and left. 
 
 Well, this has been somewhat changed ; and now we 
 have naval instructors appointed to ships — men of edu- 
 cation and accomplishments. Yet, strange to say, men 
 are placed in command of sliips still, who were educated 
 under the old system — are dragged from the obscurity 
 of a cottage or a farm, after having been on shore for a 
 quarter of a century, and find themselves as much out 
 of their element as Rip Van Winkle, in Washington 
 Irving's charming story, when he descended from the 
 mountain with his long beard. The ships they com- 
 mand are the ones where flogging goes on : men run 
 away from them before they sail. When they return 
 from abroad, you see a paragraph in the Times, an- 
 nouncing that her majesty's ship Hildebrand has had 
 seven thousand lashes inflicted on board during her 
 commission. When they are paid oflP, the men riot in 
 all the brutality of unrestrained debauchery ; and the 
 chances are that some of the officers have a brutal 
 onslaught made on them by some of the lower orders 
 of the town, to avenge the cruelty inflicted by the 
 barbarous ignorance of the captain. Such captains 
 are invariably ignorant, brutal, and bigoted. Their 
 tyranny on board is such that you would think nothing 
 could match it, till you had an opportunity of seeing 
 the meanness of their servility to the commander in 
 chief or the Admiralty. They are the very best exam- 
 ples of the truth of Bulwer's aphorism, that the most 
 common character in the world is that which " is at 
 once arrogant and servile." Yet there are people to
 
 160 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 be found who talk of such characters as " rough old 
 fellows," " old boys," " the right sort," and so forth ; 
 and their very barbarism helps them to praise, honour, 
 and reward. Caractacus was a very fine fellow, no 
 doubt — and so was Jugurtha ; but surely Mark Antony 
 and Julius Cc^sar were more worthy of admiration. Is 
 it not possible for a man to be a great officer and a 
 gentleman at the same time ? 
 
 We have headed this chapter " Portraits." We will 
 now give the reader two, and we will ask him to look 
 on " this picture and on this,^^ and then explain by what 
 dictate of common sense or justice those men were 
 governed who hung one of the pictures up in the very 
 best light, and shoved the other out of the way as if it 
 were lumber. 
 
 Philip Boorsavage and Henry Mortimer are both 
 admirals in her majesty's navy ; both have seen service, 
 and both are useful gallant officers, and well worthy of 
 all possible honour, as far as naval capacity goes. Let 
 us now see in what respect they differ. 
 
 To repeat our illustration, we may say that Boor- 
 savage is the Caractacus, and Mortimer the Caesar. 
 Both are equally able as officers ; but Mortimer is 
 quiet, gentlemanly, and unassuming — Boorsavage a 
 boor, rude, uncourteous — a semi-barbarian. The first 
 is of the new school — the second of the old. Boor- 
 savage never speaks on any possible occasion like a 
 gentleman ; he is affectedly coarse in his manner, dirty 
 in his person, and rude in his address ; he speaks, or 
 rather grunts a kind of English patois. The ship which 
 he commands is always the most slovenly in the squad- 
 ron, and well regulated in no respect but the gunnery. 
 That, to be sure, is excellent ; but so it is in most cases 
 in the service. He never troubles himself about his
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, E.X. 161 
 
 officers and men, further than to make them do their 
 duty. Besides what we may call the elaborate bar- 
 barism of his manner of carrying on duty (for it is in 
 a great degree affected), he aims at a kind of vnlgar 
 popularity — not among the officers, but the crew. He 
 affects a rough jocularity — something between a boat- 
 swain's and a buffoon's — in his manner of treating 
 them : and his great ambition is to be spoken of as 
 '•' Phil.'" The limp with which his wound infficted him 
 he exaggerates a good deal in his walk. He dabbles in 
 politics — and whenever he speaks in public, harangues 
 in this fashion : — " When I beat off the French brig 
 Polisson'" — "when / took such and such a battery," 
 &:c. — all which makes a vast impression on a gaping 
 crowd of landsmen, who quite forget that there are 
 many officers in the service who have beaten off" more 
 ships and taken more batteries, but who don't choose to 
 blow it through a brazen trumpet every time they can 
 get a chance. So the astonished cockneys cry " rough 
 old fellow,*' "brave old cock," as before mentioned. 
 He is a " brave old cock," we admit — and of the most 
 unquestionable dunghill breed. 
 
 Admiral Mortimer is his opposite, in all but his 
 courage and his skill. He is a man of tact, and com- 
 ports himself with dignity in all respects — seeking the 
 applause of his sovereign and the intelligent portion of 
 his countrymen ; and regarding the service first, and 
 his own popularity afterwards. He is not ashamed to 
 talk with delicacy, even on the deck of a ship ; and 
 does not think it essential to his uniform that it should 
 either be seedy, or covered with snuff". 
 
 Well, it so happened, in one of those wars which this 
 countrv owed to whig prudence and whig common 
 sense — wars becrun in bluster and ending in smoke,
 
 162 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 irritating the body politic of Europe like so many 
 unwholesome pimples — that these two admirals com- 
 manded the operations — Mortimer holding the first 
 place, Boorsavage (who was then a commodore) the 
 second. Mortimer's object was the glory of the country : 
 that of Boorsavage the puffing of himself. The com- 
 modore was perpetually thrusting himself forward, and 
 claiming all the merit. Of course, it would have been 
 inconsistent with the position of the admiral to have 
 taken any notice of this. But Boorsavage's game suc- 
 ceeded. When the war was over he hurried home to 
 England, and there they gave him dinners, and he 
 made speeches, and so puffed himself as to become a 
 sea lion, and with his pitch link to eclipse the purer 
 light of his colleague^and superior's renown. 
 
 Admiral Mortimer, meanwhile, took but little notice 
 of the injustice. Few, however, who heard the brave 
 venerable old man say at a ball which was given him 
 at Malta, that, though people affected to doubt to 
 whom the praise of success ought to be given, there 
 was no doubt icho would have had to hear the blame had 
 it been a failure, are likely to forget the scene, or the 
 discreditable audacity of the man who made the remark 
 necessary. 
 
 However, the explanation of the affair is simple. 
 Boorsavage was a whig, and the whigs were in power 
 at the time ; and there is no anomaly which such a 
 state of affairs cannot explain. 
 
 Years have passed since the time of which we have 
 been speaking. Admiral Mortimer is in retirement; 
 and one never hears his name, except from those whom 
 the noisy babble of temporary success does not prevent 
 from hearing the claims of real merit. 
 
 But the blackest and smallest cloud can hide even
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 163 
 
 the moon for a time, and sails on very proudly, till in 
 due course it bursts and drops, and runs off in the 
 sewers to its natural destination. So Boorsavage is a 
 great man in command, just now, and goes on quite 
 as usual — half Wilkes, half Benbow — in the dirt of 
 politics, and the more respectable dirt of the tar bucket, 
 a worthy official under a whig regime. But there are 
 some people who doubt whether his friends will reign 
 long ; and still more who doubt whether the British 
 house of commons will ever again be adorned with 
 his presence. And so much for the hero of the old 
 school.* 
 
 We began by alluding to the naval instructor. His 
 is too frequently a troubled position. First, he is the 
 victim of the amateui' tailors of the Admiralty Board, 
 who first established the reo-ulation that he should wear 
 plain clothes ; next, a hideous uniform, the ugliest in 
 the profession, and lastly, plain clothes again! Then 
 fancy having to teach a set of young gentlemen, at least 
 half of whom came to sea with the hope of getting rid 
 of school altogether ; and the pleasure of mixing, as a 
 scholar, with gentlemen, half whose conversation is 
 nautical, the other half an indescribable melange of 
 prattle about the theatres of London, all sorts of ships 
 and stations, with a sprinkle of party politics, personal 
 chaff, superficial literature, and sometimes a small infu- 
 sion of utterly unintelligible philosophical speculation. 
 
 Again, the naval instructor's comfort depends a good 
 deal on the kind of captain he meets with. Some being 
 
 * Plug seems liarsh here. He had doul3tless been much dis- 
 gusted by sliam Benbows. As for the wbigs, tbey ean't see the 
 merits Boorsavage really has — tbey snub him, not for bis demerits, 
 but for ^bat is really excellent about bim. — Editor.
 
 164 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 only anxious to see their youngsters know how to make 
 knots, and so on, discourage all rational instruction of 
 them. Also, the first lieutenant's convenience must be 
 consulted by the naval instructor ; and some first lieu- 
 tenants, who have had no education themselves, and 
 think that it is quite unnecessary, throw all sorts of 
 difficulties in the way of any attempt to "rig" a school- 
 room. 
 
 But this state of things is gradually improving, as 
 light begins to dawn on captains, first lieutenants, and 
 youngsters generally ; and naval instructors will be 
 treated in all ships as they now are in those in which 
 mental culture and nobility of character are properly 
 
 appreciated. And then, my dear K (whom I have 
 
 had in my eye last sentence), then, the dullest lieu- 
 tenant in the wardroom mess will do full honour to 
 your superiority, and the dullest youngsters be sensible 
 of the inestimable value of your instruction." 
 
 But we are growing too serious, and shan't be read.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 165 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 PLUG OX NAVAL COURTS MARTIAL, AND AFFAIRS IN GENERAL. 
 
 It must be excessively consoling to the boys of the old 
 school of the navy — now that their " natural enemy," 
 common sense, is gradually undermining their power — 
 to reflect, that the admirable system of courts-martial 
 still exists. As the law is, such is the court which 
 executes it. It is highly appropriate, that a code which 
 has twenty articles out of thirty-six which inflict death, 
 should be administered by some half-dozen men, un- 
 accustomed to deal with evidence or weigh diflicult 
 questions, and steeped in prejudice over head and ears. 
 
 " Don't prevaricate, sir I" said Captain Ricochet once 
 to a witness on a court-martial. 
 
 The man did not understand the word. 
 
 " Be good enough to explain it to him," said the pre- 
 sident. 
 
 Captain Ricochet could not. What an exemplary 
 judge ! Yet that man has sentenced dozens of prisoners, 
 and will probably sentence dozens more. Men abuse 
 Judge Jeftries and Page, but at least these men knew 
 the law. But here is a person as ferocious, and igno- 
 rant into the bargain. 
 
 Some officers (not on full pay or actual service I) 
 were tried a few vears ao-o, and that too for offences of
 
 166 PERSONAL KEMINISCENCES AND 
 
 the most trivial character — mere ** rows' 
 board an "ordinary" ship at Malta — they not being 
 subject to trial at all, any more than the merest lands- 
 man on shore ! The objection Avas formally made on 
 the trial, that the court had no jurisdiction in their 
 case. It was not taken the slightest notice of: they 
 were severely sentenced; and it was not till they 
 arrived in England that the trial was pronounced " ille- 
 gal," and the sentence " null and void," by the law 
 officers of the crown. Whether any further notice of 
 the affair, either in the way of compensation or enquiry, 
 was taken, did not appear at the time. That, we pre- 
 sume, depended on the personal influence of the injured 
 parties. The Admiralty are not altogether unforgiving 
 to sinners of rank ! 
 
 Let any of our readers go down to a naval port when 
 a court martial is coming off — when a solemn investi- 
 gation is to be held on a lieutenant for " insubordina- 
 tion," consisting of having requested his captain to 
 " forbear from using abusive language" to him — or on 
 a midshipman, for " perilling the existence of the ship" 
 by taking a nap in his watch in harbour, when two or 
 three other midshipmen in the watch were looking out, 
 and, in all probability, the lieutenant who ought to have 
 been in command of it was on shore at the time, and 
 does not get tried at all. We would advise the reader 
 to go and hear important cases of this sort likely to give 
 rise to lengthened enquiry — because if it only happens to 
 be the trivial case of a captain who has thumped the 
 false keel of a line of battle ship off, and lost the guns 
 overboard, or lost a frigate altogether on the English 
 coast, through the very trifling oversight of omitting 
 to heave the log and the lead, to wind up the chrono- 
 meter, or to take an observation — he will only see a
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, R.N. 167 
 
 short sitting of the court, and hear the president return 
 the captain his sword, on which the captain will go on 
 shore, and dine with the port admiral, and next day 
 receive an appointment to a ship of a rate higher. 
 
 We remember a captain in the Mediterranean — one 
 Kraggles, M.P. — on board whose ship there was a fero- 
 cious baboon, (the captain was fond of society I) which 
 was always biting everbody on board, except its master, 
 with whom it had of course a natural sympathy. An 
 unprincipled midshipman was horsewhipping him (the 
 baboon we mean), and by some chance hit the captain 
 down a skylight. There is no such thing in the navy 
 as allowances for unavoidable accidents, and though 
 the touch was of the slightest kind, the offender was 
 pmiished. Here was a case for a court-martial ; and 
 had it come to the ears of Sir Booby Booing, a court- 
 martial there would have been. 
 
 Some years ago, there was an officer in command of 
 the Lakes station, who had a spite against an inferior. 
 He sent a relative of his all round the station, in 
 disguise, to track his enemy, for the purpose of getting 
 charges against him : and with the damnincp dirt of this 
 notorious meanness on his head, he had the impudence 
 to come into court to prosecute. The prisoner was 
 acquitted ; but what compensation was there to the 
 victim of all the trouble and amioyance of a trial ? 
 Any spiteful man, under the existing system, can 
 bring the honour of an officer into question ; of course 
 the weight of his influence as captain, tends to make 
 his witnesses go in his favour. The sympathies of the 
 court are with rank and authority ; and courts-martial 
 don't like to meet for nothing ! 
 
 There are captains in the service who count up the 
 number of inferiors they have managed to ruin, as an
 
 168 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Indian counts his scalps. Old Hubbub has turned out 
 his couple of dozen ; and if you go on board his ship 
 to night, you will, in all probability, catch him about 
 twelve, sneaking up the companion ladder, to try to 
 find the officer of the watch asleep. 
 
 A good deal has been said about the " influence of 
 the aristocracy," in various ways, of late. One writer 
 has most distincly shown how it generates and per- 
 petuates snohhisliness in society ; and fifty have shown 
 its effect in politics. We are not inclined to estimate 
 its influence on the navy as being nearly so great as 
 elsewhere — for people must work in the navy to some 
 extent, and therefore the " great" fight shy of it, and 
 it is left as open as any profession in England. But 
 those lords who do go there ! Shade of Benbow ! 
 With what humility they are treated ! A young man 
 of noble blood is allowed to skulk his work ; he may 
 go on shore oftener than any body ; and he may be ten 
 times as disreputable, without getting half so much 
 disgrace from it as any body else. He gets its highest 
 prizes, he and his fellow nobles among them ; and 
 therefore they can bear very calmly what we A^enture 
 to assert as something that may compensate those over 
 whose heads they are thrust — that neither in value, 
 nor intelligence nor education, as officers or seamen or 
 anything else, are they to be compared with the general 
 body wdiom they distance in the race.* 
 
 We could give some curious instances, did we care 
 to particularise. 
 
 As an example to what ripeness of impudence harm- 
 less folly may be brought by undue encouragement, we 
 
 * The allusion here is to certain "lords:" no attack is intended 
 on the real aristocracy — the ancient gentry of the realm. — Editor.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 169 
 
 may allude to young Lord John Jones. A friend of 
 ours met that youth at dinner at a mess, among several 
 others of the same naval rank, whom (as well as his 
 lordship) he had met often before. Remembering what 
 is laid down by a very different lord — Lord Chester- 
 field (who was by no means such a fool as they think 
 in Cow-lane), in his Letters, to the effect that in mixed 
 society all men are equal, our friend looked courteously 
 over to the the noble Jones, and uttered these words — 
 " Jones, a glass of wine ?" 
 
 His lordship took no notice of the attention. 
 Our friend was surprised ; but beginning to guess 
 the real meaning of the insult, he looked over with a 
 glance which no stupidity could mistake, and repeated 
 the fatal query. 
 
 This time his lordship acknowledged the courtesy, 
 and drank accordingly ; but after dinner he came up to 
 our friend on deck, and put this startling question — 
 "Pray, sir, are you aware that I belong to the Highlow 
 family '? " 
 
 " Oh, your name is Jones, I believe ! One of the 
 " Joneses," said this audacious young man. 
 
 But the joke was too dull to last long, so he wound 
 up the whole affair by a hint at personal castigation 
 intelligible to the meanest capacity, and took his de- 
 parture. 
 
 As we have said a good deal against the old school, 
 it is right we should add that many of them are not 
 servile, though we may not applaud unreservedly the 
 veteran who said to an unfortunate aristocrat, " You 
 think because you are the son of a lord, that I won't 
 
 flog you ; but if you were the son of (we dare 
 
 not write the word), I would flog you, while you're in 
 my ship !" 
 
 VOL. I. I
 
 170 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 Such old boys as this feel a natui'al annoyance at 
 being sacrificed for the sake of the younger sons of any 
 family whatever. But the great number submit quite 
 naturally, and toady the titled adventurers who deprive 
 them of advancement, and their children of the comfort 
 which such advancement would procure for them. But 
 the true blessing of the system will never be properly 
 appreciated till there is another war, and then we think 
 our enemies likely to acknowledge it handsomely. 
 
 We have a word to say on the naval chaplain, and 
 his we cannot consider an enviable position — that is to 
 say, if he be a man to whom his calling is the all 
 important object — which, to any clergyman worth 
 consideration, it ever must be ; for there is the fast 
 chaplain, who does his duty as mechanically as the 
 boatswain — winks at all sorts of improper levities of 
 discourse in the wardroom — goes on shore and indulges 
 in suh rosd dissipation, and preaches the same sermons 
 he used to do in a curacy — in which he is quite safe, 
 for none of the men understand a word of what he is 
 talking about ; and of the officers, some are asleep, 
 some are not attending, and some are below, whose 
 " text" is pale ale. We are not of a suspicious turn of 
 mind, but it is surprising how many very gentlemanly 
 fellows we have known who "could not conscientiously 
 attend the Church of England service !" 
 
 The fast or gay chaplain gets the credit for being a 
 "liberal" fellow — no "humbug" — no "bigot" — nothing 
 " methodistical " about him. But without being bigots 
 ourselves, we confess this is not the sacerdotal reputa- 
 tion which we prefer ; and further, we think that in 
 most cases, what the world calls the "bigoted" minister 
 is generally the honester of the two.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, K.N. 171 
 
 We have known a chaplain who was a happy com- 
 bination of both — 
 
 " Such men are dangerous !" 
 
 This man w^as very " tolerant" in the wardroom, and 
 had much discreet dissipation on shore. But he used 
 to atone for this by an extra rigidity to the midship- 
 men ; and when any unguarded youth at his toilet in 
 the cockpit allowed an "improper" observation to 
 reach the ecclesiastical ears, he was sure to find himself 
 summoned before the commander, who was of a pious 
 turn. 
 
 The earnest, devout chaplain's lot we do not consider 
 fortunate. What does the reader think of a man being 
 requested by the captain to " preach according to the 
 articles of war !" Such things have been. Perhaps 
 the captain in question thought the lesson for the day 
 personal, or the collect impertinent — or that it was 
 
 d d impudence in any chaplain to suppose that the 
 
 captain of the ship could be a " miserable sinner." 
 
 Besides, such a chaplain is not unfrequently exposed 
 to the sneers of that most contemptible of all blockheads 
 — the fool who scoffs at a creed which he has never 
 examined, and doctrines which he cannot understand. 
 The bray of such an animal is the least melodious we 
 know. 
 
 And how often do we find men who are always ready 
 to fling the word "hypocrite" at all those whose lives 
 are more decorous than their own? Against some such 
 has our chaplain too often to contend ; and too often 
 the poor fellow has to retire to his little cabin after 
 dinner, when the second* bottle of port comes round, 
 and proper self respect could not let him remain ! And 
 
 I 2
 
 172 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 if he tries to form a religious class among the boys, the 
 boatswain looks askant at the attempt, and the master 
 at arms cannot find them when they are wanted, and 
 so on. 
 
 When he visits any man dangerously ill, to adminis- 
 ter spiritual consolation, he comes into collision with 
 the assistant surgeon, who forthwith comes roaring 
 down to the berth with " curse that fellow Chancell — 
 he's sent Smith into fits again!" And how is he, even if 
 undisturbed, to awaken to understanding, faith, and 
 hope, a poor fellow who, till the last hour, has scarcely 
 heard of the lessons that were to have guided his 
 existence, and which at last are listened to with an 
 obtuseness of perception Avhich his utmost patience 
 cannot overcome ? With all these difficulties has the 
 good chaplain to struggle, and in circumstances in 
 which triumph will bring him neither respect nor 
 reward.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.N. 173 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 A PEEP AT "the coast" CONX'LUSION. 
 
 It is a proud thing for us in England to reflect on, 
 that while we are spending the summer in London and 
 the winter abroad or in the country, with music, 
 theatres, flowers, and all that health can enjoy, a large 
 number of the noblest and gallantest men in our navy 
 are living in misery and perishing in feverish fire, in a 
 hopeless attempt to put down a natural traffic in men 
 whom it would require almost the sagacity of Bufl'on 
 to distinguish from the baboon. Slavery is deplorable 
 enough, God knows — but who can admire a crusade 
 which, in pretending to do away with it, sacrifices 
 hundreds of human lives, and in the long run only 
 exaggerates its calamities. The time for canting, or 
 sacrificing to cant, is gone by. You, Mr. Maw worm, 
 may howl in London, if you please ; but because your 
 tender heart is touched (not to mention the snug little 
 sum you net by your lectures), is that a reason why I 
 should die on the coast of Africa? It is simply a 
 question of demand and supply ; and the squadron now- 
 cruising on the coast is just a practical protest against 
 the principles of commerce, and might as well try to 
 put down the trade winds. 
 
 Let us look at the state of the ships there. To
 
 174 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 begin with, they labour under difficulties as regards 
 provisions and water. In that deadly climate, the 
 allowance of the latter is frequently only a pint per 
 day ; and one hears of an officer, tortured with thirst, 
 going to the surgeon for a dose of salts — that being the 
 only way to procure a liquid at all. Then there is not 
 unfrequently a deficient supply of medicine on board. 
 After a ship has been captured also, an officer and 
 crew must be sent to take her to port for condemna- 
 tion ; and more slaves die under the hands of their 
 protectors than would have done had they gone on 
 to Brazil. We liberate them with a vengeance, for 
 we free them from earth altogether — we close their 
 sufferings in the peace of the grave. Every success 
 we attain, of course stimulates the activity of those 
 who conduct the trade, and increases the sufferings of 
 their next batch of victims. 
 
 Our colony in Sierra Leone is a charnel. Catacombs 
 are generally made for the dead ; but we procure the 
 dead for the catacombs. Disease floats in every whisper 
 of the wind ; and the echo of the sea's murmur on the 
 beach is in the chamber of the grave. No prudence can 
 escape. On the contrary, the " cannie " assistant 
 surgeon from the north, who examines his tongue 
 every morning, and carefully dries the perspiring brow 
 and counts the flagging pulse — who regulates his diet 
 and divides his sleep, goes off just like the scamp who 
 drinks brandy and water as if he were in Iceland. A 
 reckless indifference comes over men in that part of 
 the w^orld. They find it useless to try and juggle the 
 destroyer, so they let him come, and find them at their 
 wine. 
 
 But, supposing that a man bears a charmed life 
 through all, and escapes the tomb to which he has seen
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIYAL PLUG, K.N. 175 
 
 SO many of his comrades go ; he returns to England with 
 the germ of insanity lurking in his brain. Sooner or 
 later he suffers for his career of slavery suppression : 
 life or health are penalties to be paid to nature for the 
 trespass against her laws : and, let it be remembered, 
 as the result of all the danger, pain, and toil, undergone 
 by the crusaders against slavery, that it still remains 
 as vigorous as ever. The statement of the fact would 
 make a neat and appropriate epitaph for the grave 
 stones in Sierra Leone. 
 
 Some years ago (when a slaver could not be seized 
 unless slaves were actually on board), H. M. Brig 
 Cowslip was out on the coast, taking her share of this 
 glorious crusade. Captain Bibbin was a soft old gen- 
 tleman, and the midshipmen used to play capital tricks 
 upon him. The midshipman of the watch, when a 
 vessel was reported, would look towards her with his 
 glass, and say "a rakish looking craft I" and Bibbin 
 used to look and say " yes ; rakish — very !" — on which 
 the midshipman (who knew Bibbin saw no vessel at 
 all), would look again, and say " Ah, only an old palm 
 oiler !" and Bibbin would duly echo " only an old palm 
 oiler " in his turn, to the intense delight of the midship- 
 man, who knew what the vessel was from the first, and 
 had preconcerted the farce. One afternoon the Cowslip 
 was lying in a bay, in which was an unmistakeable 
 slaver ; but they could not touch her, for she had no 
 slaves on board. Her captain came on board the man 
 of war, spoke to Bibbin, and said, rubbing his hands — 
 " Well, captain, you can't touch me now. I shall 
 weigh by and by, and then catch me if you can ! 
 
 About two in the morning it was reported to Captain 
 Bibbin that the stranger was under weigh ; he weighed 
 immediately, but the slaver had the start, and went
 
 176 PERSONAL REMINISCENCES AND 
 
 bang off to windward, with a slashing breeze. Just as 
 the slaver found himself all safe, he hoisted a negro 
 boy up to the peak of the vessel, a telling signal, about 
 which there could be no mistake. He had kept his 
 vessel between the Cowslip and the shore all night, 
 and brought the slaves off in cargoes in his boats. 
 
 The above slight hints on this important and dis- 
 tressing subject, may probably attract the attention of 
 those whom a blue book would repel by its bulk. It 
 is a question of life and death to the British navy ; of 
 increased or diminished suffering to the African slave ; 
 of hundreds of thousands of pounds to the national 
 exchequer. Nature sickens at the recital of the con- 
 dition of the cargo of a slave ship, but every slight 
 success of the squadron tends to make that condition 
 worse ; the activity of the speculators, backed by Euro- 
 pean gold, is on the increase ; and, in the meanwhile, 
 the hot earth of the tropics opens every year to receive 
 the bones of the Englishmen who fall, unhonoured 
 martyrs in this preposterous cause. 
 
 And having produced this sketch, we close our 
 portfolio. Much that we have produced has not been 
 represented as very amiable or very admirable — ^but 
 such as we have shown it, so we have seen it ; and it 
 is consoling to reflect, that the good is becoming better, 
 and the bad good, from day to day. Why should those 
 who tenant a part of our planet, so vast, so pure, so 
 beautiful, as the ocean, be the least enlightened, least 
 happy on its surface ! — why should their condition be 
 such as to call for the pity of the philosopher, and 
 compel us to own the justice of the sneer of Dr.
 
 SKETCHES OF PERCIVAL PLUG, R.X. 177 
 
 Johnson? And here we may, with propriety, say a 
 word of sorrow, in memory of one who has recently 
 departed, who did much in his generation to better the 
 lot of those to whom — 
 
 " Unda deliiscens 
 Terrain inter fluctus aperit." 
 
 He served his country both with sword and pen ; he 
 was one of the few to whose lot it falls to win both the 
 the laurels and the bays — none ever wore them more 
 worthily than Captain Marryatt. 
 
 I 3
 
 MR. SNIGSBY'S YACHT.
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Mk. Sxigsby was a very respectable city man, who 
 began life in a little office in a dark court near Shore- 
 ditch. He used to attend there every morning at nine ; 
 went out for a chop and to see the Times about one ; 
 and at six returned to his private residence at Hackney, 
 in the omnibus. He had advertised in the papers on 
 first arriving in London for a "quiet lodging — children 
 and other lodgers objected to." This Malthusian and 
 unsocial announcement met with prompt response : the 
 Bibbs, of Hackney, offered him a childless and friend- 
 less asylum, where he could be thoroughly happy. In 
 a twelvemonth's time the misguided man had married 
 Miss Bibb (she was no child, you may be sure), and 
 had got two of her country cousins for summer lodgers 
 — paying no rent. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby went on increasing in worldly pros- 
 perity. He adorned Hackney with a villa, he took a 
 larger and better office. He deserved his success by his 
 excellent management, he was always punctual at his 
 business for one thing, — then he regulated his purchases 
 capitally ; no man so quickly knew of a failure, or so
 
 182 MR. 
 
 punctually attended the consequent " sale." Tabour 
 Villa was excellently furnished from the ruin of gentle- 
 men's establishments, — even the little cats and dogs oh 
 the drawing room mantelpiece were derived from the 
 " smash " of one of his neighbours. There was really 
 something sentimental in the contemplation of Mr. 
 Snigsby's furniture : the bust of Homer had belonged 
 to an artist ; the French clock to a lady of the blood 
 of Noailles. It was a romantic scene produced by the 
 vulgarest agency — just as a fairy ring is made by the 
 growth of mushrooms and toadstools, as we learn 
 from the famous Woollaston. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby acquired as he advanced in life a certain 
 sleek rotundity, which made him looTi as plump as a 
 guinea pig. And he wore at his fob a l)unch of seals 
 which would havejdone for a minister of state^ 
 
 Could one accurately trace the commercial rise of 
 any single man, it would reveal a great deal that is 
 more important than statistics. It would illustrate, 
 not only commerce, but our whole social philosophy. 
 For instance, we should learn politics from seeing him 
 conform to established order ; the nature of manners, 
 by watching him from his conventional arrangements 
 for living. Exactly as Mr. Snigsby rose in the world, 
 he proceeded further west — -just as the sun does. In 
 due time he had got a family vault (which I have 
 remarked to be an item in middle class ambition), a 
 
 house in Square, and his — what ? — his arms, on 
 
 the hall chairs ! Feudalism has a good deal of vitality 
 in it yet ; chivalry is not quite dead. One day that 
 Snigsby returned home from the city, he found two 
 figures — two antique knights — with their shields em- 
 blazoned, standing in the hall. The fact was, that 
 Mrs. Snigsby had procured these from an ingenious
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 183 
 
 artist in bronze, who undertook to supply them on 
 reasonable ternas to the public at large. Mrs. Snigsby 
 visited his shop, selected a pretty pattern, and ordered 
 it to be sent home. The artist added some incompre- 
 hensible spnbol " for difference " and sent in the bill. 
 
 By this time, Mr. Snigsby was an established man ; 
 he had his carriage, his " circle " — all that makes 
 up life. Like all his class, he imitated, with Chinese 
 fidelity, whatever he could learn, of the ways of 
 " society." His dinners were modelled as orthodox 
 dinner parties. He walked into church (and read the 
 maker's name in his hat) with the decorum of a duke. 
 His servants wore litery, and his opinions grew con- 
 servative ; he subscribed to charitable societies, and 
 wrote against mendicancy to the Times, in a letter 
 signed " The Father of a Family." 
 
 The family consisted only of a son, now twenty, Mr. 
 Alfred Snigsby. Alfred Snigsby was a young gentle- 
 man of that class to whom the word " town " is pretty 
 synonymous with the word "universe." Everything 
 with him was regulated by " the town." He took as 
 much trouble to acquire slang as some do to acquire 
 Greek. He belonged to a little clique, who gave each 
 other dinners, and read aloud the last fight — as if it~ 
 was a new poem. They dined together at hotels and 
 went to the theatres — sneering at the sentimental parts 
 of the play to show their acuteness ; and bought with 
 punctuality a little publication which strove monthly to 
 write down Shakespeare. 
 
 Mr. Alfred Snigsby 's favourite drama was " Don 
 Caesar de Bazan ;" and his two favourite pieces of 
 wisdom generally were that " plot was everything in 
 a play," — and that "every pewter ought to have a 
 glass bottom." With these qualifications, Alfi'ed was
 
 184 MR. SNIGSBY'tt YACHT. 
 
 a delightful companion ; of his opinions generally, we 
 may say, that of course such a great wise man had a 
 profound contempt for " the people ;" — thought Milton 
 " dummy," and Addison " overrated ;" while his fa- 
 vourite author was Brickies, — the gay Brickies, who 
 is to comedy, what Trip is to Charles Surface, in 
 Sheridan ! 
 
 It was at a supper given on the occasion of tlie 
 Chelsea Snob's utter defeat of Toodlem (an affair 
 which ranked before Austerlitz in the opinion of 
 Alfred's set), that Alfred met with a man destined 
 to influence the house of Snigsby. This was a dark 
 thick youth, with a striped shirt on, who early re- 
 marked with calm emphasis, that " No square-rigged 
 man could sail a fore-and-after.^^ This statement at 
 once attracted due attention. Who was this Columbus 
 who came with the severity of a sea king and the 
 gravity of a Solon — with anchors on his shirt, and an 
 aphorism in his mouth ? Alfred got into conversation 
 with him. Mr. Blow was a member of the Gull Yacht 
 Club. Mr. Blow was habitually " round the Nore," 
 he was " fly " to everything on the river. The supper 
 over, cigars were produced (Blow not insisting on4:)ig- 
 tail), and the conversation took an entirely nautical 
 turn. How the Peashooter won the cup, how the Lark 
 carried away her gaff-topsail — all these facts Blow 
 knew. Here was a new field for Alfred's exertions. 
 He gave his card to Blow early in the evening, and 
 parted, having asked him to dinner in the square. 
 Indeed he asked Blow to come and take a bed there 
 that very night ( Joaker being about to " roost " there 
 also, to use his OAvn natural expression), but Blow 
 declined ; " he could sling his hammock anywhere," 
 he said. The fact was. Blow did not care to face
 
 3IR. snigsbt's yacht. 185 
 
 anybody's family at breakfast, having a well grounded 
 distrust of his matutinal looks. So he went oif and 
 slept (it being now near morning) at the Hummums. 
 
 As we know at once, that so and so sets up for 
 fashionable life by his dress ; as thin legged trowsers, 
 a long waistcoat, and a "nobby" hat with a minimum 
 of rim, suffice to stamp a sportsman ; as the beard, the 
 wild intellectuality, and the public mastication of an 
 oranofe, note the eccentric ai'tist — while a white choker 
 and neat black denote that Grigg has been divinely 
 inspired (and has the prospect of a living) : as generally 
 dress makes the man in public estimation, so Alfred 
 Snigsby soon became a regular seafaring character. 
 He and his acquaintances on the river looked like 
 (harmless; buccaneers. They were now to be seen 
 loitering about boat builders in jackets, smoking cigars, 
 criticising the " run " of craft, and talking about Tom- 
 kins's cutter. They talked of the tide running up, and 
 the tide running down, and high water, &c. And it 
 was amusing how morbidly jealous these brave tars 
 were of each other. Somehow, I have observed among 
 the amateurs of all these pursuits a dark distrust of 
 their own capacity, which is highly promising. Your 
 sprouting cricketers are very shy of holding forth in 
 the presence of one of the " Pig Green Eleven." Blow 
 himself had never much to say of the absurdity of a 
 " square rigged man trying to sail a fore and after " in 
 the presence of my old friend Jack Splints, who had 
 the Bustard when she was in the North Sea. On the 
 other hand, it was a great spectacle to see Blow tackling 
 a stranger who appeared unacquainted with marine life, 
 and setting him right about a "barque" or a "snow," 
 though it occasionally happened that he encountered 
 some fellow just paid oflP from a three years' cruise in
 
 186 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 the Pacific. In such a case as this last, Blow showed 
 considerable tact ; he would say, " Ah, I knew you 
 from the first — there's no mistaking the salt water look 
 about you. It was just a bit of my chaff." All which 
 tended to raise Mr. Blow among his friends to the 
 highest pinnacle of estimation. In fact. Blow was 
 essentially what Mr. Thackeray calls " a man's man." 
 He was thoroughly a London man — a man who knew 
 all the second rate secret history of the day. The 
 immense hold which this gives a middle-aged sturdy 
 fellow with black whiskers, on the prurient minds of 
 youths like Alfred Snigsby, is amusing. Blow, for 
 instance, had that sort of information about the aris- 
 tocracy which comes (filtered through, goodness knows 
 where), to the habitues of cigar divans, lobbies of 
 theatres, coffee rooms, and so forth. He knew exactly 
 Jack Guffaw, the comic actor's relation to the old 
 woman who plays the so and so at the so and so. He 
 knew the office where Jack was a clerk before he 
 played at all ; what the famous writer was before he 
 became famous — and what odd stories there were about 
 ^he early life of the celebrity that everybody was now 
 running after. Then he had an odd sort of immense 
 
 miscellaneous information as to who had the Hotel 
 
 before Blugg; what year Sprogg the murderer was 
 hanged ; how Nagg was done out of his patent for 
 corkscrews by the fraudulency of a clerk, &c. ; in a 
 word, might almost have done the " answers to corre- 
 spondents" in a weekly paper, extempore. Without 
 anything respectable in the way of acquirements. Jack 
 could yet pounce with much felicity on a popular mis- 
 quotation — he delighted to catch a wandering line, and 
 restore it to its proper author. He sometimes affected 
 an accuracy in dates, and would artfully give the exact
 
 ME. sxigsby's yacht. 187 
 
 clay of a battle Avhen an error was made on the matter in 
 his presence. And in speaking of any of the professions, 
 he admirably seized the slang of each, knowing the 
 slang of alL 
 
 One day Alfred^was calling on Mr. Blow, and learned 
 from him that the yacht Paragon was for sale. This 
 was a large schooner yacht, originally built for a languid 
 gentleman, who designed to cruise for the benefit of 
 his health. He had just worked out his constitution to 
 the last, and proposed to try the efficacy of the southern 
 air. He set out in a consumption, and the evening 
 before he reached Madeira breathed his last in a whiff' 
 of Latakia. The yacht was peremptorily sold by his 
 heir, and fell into the possession of a family who cruised 
 for a year, and published " A Yacht Voyage in 18 — " 
 in two volumes. It next belonged to an amateur in 
 warlike matters, who paid his crew extra for the privi- 
 lege of flogging them. Unluckily one of them brought 
 an action against its spirited proprietor ; the contract 
 was declared invalid, and Mr. Blockley gave up the 
 yacht, and had a heavy sum to pay. Finally, the 
 Paragon was exposed to sale once more, and lay off" 
 Greenwich waiting a purchaser. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby senior's first look at the cabin, when his 
 wife and son persuaded him to consider the propriety 
 of investing in the Paragon, was in itself a picture. 
 The wild incredulity of his gaze at the sleeping place ! 
 The odd straddle into which he stept over the gangway ! 
 — Alfred was intensely ashamed of him. 
 
 " Look 'ere sir," said the little man in charge of her, 
 "yer don't see accommodation like this every day. 
 This is a boat, as is a boat." 
 
 So saying he stood by, expecting bursts of rapture. 
 Mr. Snigsby paused panting.
 
 188 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 " How nice everything is ! " Alfred exclaimed. " The 
 green silk curtains and all." 
 
 " You can get green silk curtains on shore," said his 
 father, tartly. 
 
 " My dear sir — don't expose us all," whispered his 
 dutiful son, in a low voice. Mrs. Snigsby (who adored 
 her Alf ) looked pensive. 
 
 " Call the boat to the side of the vessel," exclaimed 
 Mr. Snigsby, when they went on deck again. 
 
 " Alongside — say alongside," whispered his son. 
 
 " I won't say alongside, sir. I say the side of the 
 vessel. You are obtrusive, sir !" 
 
 The little man in charge jumped up and hailed 
 the boat. Meanwhile, the cook's boy was looking up 
 from the fore ladder, speculating on the probable new 
 owners. 
 
 " Mr. Snigsby, the boat's ready, sir," said the little 
 man, touching his hat. " I hope you like the look of 
 her, sir," he added. 
 
 " A fine ship, certainly," said Mr. Snigsby. 
 
 " Schooner, Pa," whispered Alfred again. 
 
 " A fine ship," repeated Mr. Snigsby with emphasis. 
 " I am unacquainted with nautical matters, never hav- 
 ing given them my professed attention (the little man 
 touched his hat), and what I don't know, I don't pre- 
 tend to know." 
 
 He turned round, walked over the side with dignity, 
 and the family were soon rowed on shore. 
 
 Mrs. Snigsby punished her husband for his miscon- 
 duct by a plan which she seemed to have learnt from 
 some work on Model Prisons — she resolutely main- 
 tained a silent system the whole of the afternoon. Mr. 
 Snigsby under these circumstances went to sleep, and 
 Alfred rising from dessert, stole very quietly down
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 189 
 
 stairs, and shutting the door below in the gentlest pos- 
 sible manner, launched into the streets. 
 
 It took some time to persuade Mr. Snigsby to buy 
 the Paragon. ]Mrs. Snigsby grew very ill, and longed 
 for the " balmy South." How she managed to per- 
 suade Snigsby that a change of climate was imperative, 
 it Avould be difficult to say. That she coaxed the stout, 
 good-natured man, is pretty clear — that she pulled his 
 black whiskers playfully at lunch — a thing she had not 
 done for ten years — is incredible. And then, they say, 
 she whispered in his ear in a manner which made 
 Snigsby grin, and grow very red ; and it is a fact that 
 that very morning the Morning Post had had a para- 
 graph about a "happy, unexpected event" at Corfu — 
 " the ancient house of De la Bayliffe not going to 
 be extinct, as was feared." What Blow's tale on the 
 subject was, I never exactly understood. Snigsby, 
 however, went down into the City, and bought the 
 Paragon that afternoon. 
 
 Of course, before leaving, the Snigsbys gave a grand 
 dinner at Greenwich, held in one of those pleasant 
 rooms overlooking the river, in the Coronet and Mitre 
 Hotel. The company comprised the Fluffs, the family 
 of Alderman Bloaker, Mr. and Mrs. Spread, &c., and 
 one or two young gentlemen, who came in summer 
 garments of the brightest hues. Blow was there, a 
 picture of the ghastliest respectability, for the white 
 neckcloth which he had assumed had made all his 
 pimples stand out in fearful relief. He called Mrs. 
 Bloaker " Ma'am" incessantly, and he sadly committed 
 himself by discoursing on peas (unconsciously, in a 
 marked manner) to a young lady, the scion of a green- 
 grocer family. Alfred, meanwhile, was exchanging 
 light airy observations with Miss Fluff, and quoting
 
 190 MR. SNiaSBY'S YACHT. 
 
 smart things of his hero Brickies, the comic writer, to 
 her. These were usually conundrums, fragments of 
 parody, or jokes on the prevailing things of serious 
 interest — the legislation, literature, and Church contro- 
 versies of the day. 
 
 The gigantic strawberries were on the table — Blow's 
 eye was resting with bloodshot tranquillity on the claret 
 jug — and Mr. Bloaker, leaning back in his chair, felt 
 (as he afterwards said) " as if a child was lying in his 
 lap" — a sentimental way of illustrating satiety — when 
 the rustling of the balcony curtain called attention to 
 the state of the wind. The Paragon was lying below, 
 all ready for sea. An outward bound ship, with all her 
 sails set, was floating down past them. Mr. Snigsby's 
 health had just been proposed, and he had pronounced 
 it the happiest day of his life, excepting his marriage- 
 day, he added, assenting to a correction from old FluflF's, 
 which was received with immense laughter. The door 
 opened. 
 
 " The yacht's master, please sir, said the waiter. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby had not seen the sailing-master yet; he 
 had been engaged by Alfred. He felt considerably 
 awed as a tall, burly fellow, with a green patch over 
 his eye came in. The tall man made a bow, and invo- 
 luntarily cast a look on a clean wine glass, and from 
 sheer force of habit waited to be asked to take some- 
 thing to drink. Mr. Snigsby felt awed by that man. 
 He felt that in a little while he should be at his mercy 
 alone on the great deep! 
 
 " If we goes now, we 'as the tide," said the skipper — 
 (" thank ye, sir — the red," he said, assenting to Alfred's 
 offered glass of wine— "wliich is always somethink. 
 There's a niceish breeze up — ." 
 
 The guests looked at each other, and rose, and there
 
 MR. SXIGSBY'S yacht. 191 
 
 was a little flurry at the table. The balcony curtams 
 flapped, making the rings jingle again. Blow drank off 
 a glass of claret, 
 
 " Well, Mrs. Snigsby," said old Fluff", " you are now 
 about to leave these shores, which — " 
 
 " It's changed a couple of points," cried the skipper, 
 looking out of the window sharply. 
 
 Mr. Fluff's speaking was cut short. 
 
 " We'll go," said Snigsby emphatically, having made 
 up his mind to the worst. 
 
 The bill was paid ; there was a tremendous scene of 
 kissing and " Good bye, dear," between Mrs. Snigsby 
 and the other females. 
 
 The party reached the boat. There was a final 
 scene of parting at the steps. 
 
 " AW- — " whispered Blow at the last moment, " do 
 what Blobb tells you.'''' 
 
 Splash went the oars. "What did your friend say?" 
 whispered Snigsby to his son. 
 
 " Oh, nothing," said Alfred, hurriedly. He thought 
 the eye of Blobb, the skipper, was on him, and felt 
 uneasy. Mrs. Snigsby waved her white handkerchief 
 to the people on shore again and again. She left off 
 presently — poor lady, she wanted it ! 
 
 It was just about sunset — a fine sunset looming over 
 the smoky town, and burning like a peat fire. They 
 jumped on board. In an instant, or what seemed so to 
 Mr. Snigsby, the vessel was clothed in canvass, and 
 moving along. And he heard the water raging in his 
 ears — and there was a creaking noise all about him — 
 and the solid and respectable shore of Greenwich floated 
 away in a marvellous manner. The dark was creeping 
 gradually over the river and the shore, and the sails 
 looked whiter against it for a little. Mr. Blobb was
 
 192 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 standing anxiously at the weather gangway, whistling 
 and coaxing the wind, as you see some sailors do, and 
 encouraging the yacht like a horse. Chirp, chirp, 
 went the Paragon, and presently there was a lull, and 
 the sails flapped. She was lying along the banks of 
 the river, now becoming very broad ahead, and nearing 
 a point. 
 
 Alfred approached the skipper. Blobb made a sort 
 of motion to him, and he drew near him. 
 
 " Mr. Blow spoke to you — didn't he, sir ?" 
 
 " Yes." Alfred felt uneasy. 
 
 " Just ask your father and mother to go below, sir." 
 
 Alfred moved aft for the purpose, wondering what 
 was the matter. His parents were easily persuaded to 
 seek the cabin. Soon after the schooner turned the 
 point ; she caught the wind, heeled over, and began to 
 slash through the water in a savage manner. The 
 bright swinging lamp flashed before Mr. Snigsby's eyes 
 with a very vague glare ; he felt his temples throb, 
 and cursed the water-souch^e ! Alfred was grasping a 
 brandy bottle, and armed with some of it in a small 
 tumbler, went on deck. The schooner was pacing 
 along in the last of the grey light. And there stood 
 Mr. Blobb — the patch off his manly eye — a picture of 
 heroic resolution. 
 
 Alfred cast his eye astern. He uttered a kind of 
 wild exclamation as he saw — that the Paragon was 
 chased! A boat — a green painted boat — with eight 
 oars striking on the water every time like a sheaf of 
 arrows — was after her. 
 
 "What is the matter — what is the matter?" asked 
 Alfred wildly, reflecting on his short acquaintance with 
 Mr. Blobb. 
 
 " Hush, sir ! All right, sir. Four-fifty, and Mr.
 
 ME. snigsby's yacht. 193 
 
 Balaam's costs I Miicli the same thing when I sailed 
 the Dream for Lord Blory. Whew — whew I Go it, 
 Paragon ! Four-fifty ! Haul after the fore sheet a bit 
 there I " 
 
 Alfred stood petrified for a minute. The Paragon 
 was jumping like a wild cat. A splendid flash of spray 
 broke across her bows, and hissed on to the deck. The 
 next kick made Alfred lie down and groan. He heard 
 Blobb's odd soliloquy going on beside him all the time. 
 
 " Gaining a yard in a hundred — how cussed well 
 their lug draws, confound 'em. Ha — it's too fresh for 
 your lee oars, my hearties, eh ? Four-fifty, and Mr. 
 Balaam's costs. Will that foretopmast stand? Whew! 
 Four-fifty ! This comes of starting a public. Go it, 
 Paragon I " 
 
 Alfred lay there moaning. As for the cabin — there 
 was no moaning from that now. 
 
 "Ready about!" cried Mr. Blobb. The head-sails 
 flapped — forward shot the schooner. " Licked 'em, 
 by ! " exclaimed the skipper. 
 
 The darkness was on, and the chase abandoned. 
 Next morning found the Paragon dodging on under 
 easy sail in clear, beautiful weather. 
 
 " That vessel I presume to be the Admiral's private 
 one?" said Mr. Snigsby, in his familiar, pompous way, 
 liaving now recovered. 
 
 " That ? Lord bless you sir," said the now cheerful 
 Blobb—" that's the Nore Light !" 
 
 VOL I.
 
 194 MR. 
 
 CHAPTER 11. 
 
 Leaving the Paragon to proced on her way towards 
 Gibraltar, where, I suppose, she found things going on 
 as usual, young Horsetail, on guard at the Ragged 
 Staff, occupied with a novel and a bottle of St. Julien, 
 or sunning his little legs (the — th Highlanders were 
 there in these days) on the battery, while Pligg, on guard 
 at the New Mole, sallied forth of a morning into the 
 market to get something for breakfast — we advance 
 before her to Malta. The island was at this time in a 
 very lively condition — the harbour full of ships — the 
 hotels of visitors — and the drawing-rooms of anecdotes. 
 A new commander in chief had just come out, and (as 
 nobody knew him) seemed likely to be popular. His 
 predecessor had been quite the contrary, for the worthy 
 old gentleman was of a '^ serious" turn, and set an ex- 
 ample of general gloom. In consequence of this, the 
 road to promotion became of a hazy, sulphurous char- 
 acter. Aspirants bought pious books (on credit) and 
 discouraged merriment in their messes. The admiral 
 gave little dismal dinners to his friends, and had a 
 gloomy coterie of his own ; while another set, headed 
 by Bilderton (who said that he was a " cheerful Chris- 
 tian," — which version of the current phraseology of the 
 " blue lights" was considered highly amusing), declared 
 that the admiral did not want so much to save his soul.
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 195 
 
 as to save his table money. However, all this passed 
 away when the old admiral went home ; and was suc- 
 ceeded by another aged gentleman of a more cheerful 
 character. Everything seemed to grow brighter. There 
 was a new huffo engaged at the opera, who delighted the 
 fashionable world, which, by the bye (as one alwaj^s 
 likes to secure the newest metaphors) is at Malta, a 
 model of the great fashionable world — pretty well, on 
 the same scale as Mr. Wyld's globe, now exhibiting in 
 Leicester-square. Riding parties to Bosketto were 
 not unfrequent, though poor Jack Buster, of the Pea- 
 cock, having flung a stone at a chapel window, fright- 
 ened his horse into running away with him, and got his 
 leg broken against a caUclie — at the express wish of a 
 sai^t, the Maltese said. And a brilliant excitement 
 was created by Jack Pellet's running away to Sicily 
 with a singer — a kindred exploit which ended even 
 more unfortunately. Altogether — when we add that 
 the polka was now in its full glory — causing such a 
 hubbub as had not been seen in the island since its 
 bombardment by the Turks — we may be sure that our 
 friends the Snigsbys could not have chosen a better 
 season for their cruise. Just at this period, too, some- 
 body, in a moment of inspiration, proposed a regatta. 
 
 The suggestion was received with enthusiasm on 
 board the Dandy, a line of battle ship, all paint and 
 primness, because their boats were " swell" boats, and 
 would cut a great figure ; on board the Bulwark line 
 of battle ship, because, though their boats were very 
 dirty, they were very fast (as by the by the worthy 
 commander himself was) ; on board the Reculver, be- 
 cause the Reculver's gentlemen were two or three of 
 them paying their addresses to young ladies on shore, 
 whose favour, a triumph on their part in the race, 
 
 K 2
 
 196 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 would much tend to induce ; on board the Regina, 
 because her barge was commanded by a lord. The 
 proposal was besides, of course, welcomed by that large 
 class of easy, dawdling gentlemen everywhere, who 
 support anything that seems likely to lead to excite- 
 ment and luncheons. Among these, for example, w^as 
 Rivett of the Rifles, who lived within (twice) his 
 income, as he used playfully to boast, and who bet 
 largely on the first cutter of the Reculver, commanded 
 by his cousin, a midshipman of that vessel. 
 
 Accordingly, exercising became the order of the day. 
 That ponderous boat, the launch of the Intolerable, 120, 
 went flying along one morning across the bows of 
 the Lotos, 16, brig — the Honourable Commander De 
 la Bayliffe — and carried away her flying jib-boom. 
 Horresco referens I De la Bayliffe, who was pacing the 
 stern gratings in his white kid gloves, ran forward in a 
 towering rage, and hailing the launch in question, called 
 the officer on board her " a d — d lubber," for which he 
 had subsequently to apologise, at the suggestion of the 
 admiral. This event so disturbed De la Bayliff'e, that 
 he had no appetite all that day, and it was not until he 
 had twice reprimanded the first lieutenant, that he re- 
 covered his ordinary equanimity. 
 
 In the meantime, extraordinary operations were 
 being performed on the boats that were going to run 
 on the coming days. Most of the midshipmen who 
 commanded cutters had them hauled up on shore, and 
 polished with curious mixtures of egg and black lead, 
 till they shone like Lieutenant Prindy's boots, or any 
 other objects of unusual splendescence. Of course the 
 making of flags for the boats fell to the lot of those fair 
 ladies who encouraged the cavaliers. Gosling, of the 
 Dandy, had a lion rampant, or on a flag azure, worked
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 197 
 
 by the fair hands of Miss Plum, the daughter of Cap- 
 tain Plum, who — though not usually one who danced 
 with midshipmen, or showed them any extraordinary 
 attention — made an exception in favour of a youth, 
 whose father kept a pack of fox hounds (a fact indus- 
 triously circulated by Fogg, of the same county). 
 The flag of the Regina's barge was surmounted by a 
 coronet, in honour of its commander. Lord Renter — 
 who had by this time recovered from a conspiracy 
 formed against him — at least, so he said — by his mess- 
 mates in the Yulture. I give the story here, for the 
 benefit of the next edition of the Anecdotes of the Aris- 
 tocracy/. Renter had gone to visit a stalactite grotto in 
 the xlrchipelago, and seeing a hole of curious formation, 
 put his head through it, apparently for purposes of 
 scientific observation. What were his feelings when 
 he found that he could not draw it back again ! His 
 messmates, one regrets to say, made the carved old 
 dark cavern ring with laughter ; while Renter wildly 
 cried, " The stalactite's growing ; my head's swelling ; 
 take me away. My messmates want to murder me. 
 Take me away I" His head was extracted somehow or 
 other from this very awkward " fix." But who would 
 stay in a vessel where such inhuman youngsters as 
 these, who could laugh at a noble in such a plight, 
 formed the mess? His lordship joined the Regina 
 immediately, and was now almost always at Malta, 
 one of the leading lights of a little clique of " swells," 
 who got together and sneered at everybody else in the 
 island on all possible occasions. If Renter's barge 
 was a conspicuous object, equally conspicuous was the 
 Honourable Riddle Roribel, who rather looked down 
 upon the regatta in his capacity of bel esprit, and 
 sneered pleasantly at " manly sports."
 
 198 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 But now came the first day — devoted to man of war 
 sailing boats. The course extended from Magazine 
 Point round the Fair Way buoy. We must imagine 
 the Point in question — usually exhibiting only a soli- 
 tary sentry and a stray gull — now crowded by the 
 " fashionable world." There crowds of bright groups, 
 with parasols gleaming in the sun, were gathered 
 together — captains of ships, looking anxiously at the 
 launches of their own vessels, which were lazily 
 swinging at the buoys in line, waiting for the signal. 
 Bang goes a pistol. The launch of the Struldbrug — 
 commanded by a quiet little mate whom nobody knew 
 — slipped away like a leaf loosed from a tree, and 
 catching the wind — glided ahead of everybody. The 
 Regina's boat boggled at the buoy for a minute — then 
 went too near the wind — shaking all over and losing 
 way. Three or four of the heavier ones dawdled to 
 leeward, the wind being light. Loud cries of " bravo 
 Struldbrug !" from a youngster of that vessel on the 
 point, and Captain Ricks, of the Regina, turns round 
 
 and bids him '' hold his d d tongue," on which 
 
 Toadyley, mate of the same vessel, shakes his fist at 
 him. The wind springs up a little, and blows right 
 out of the harbour. The Struldbriig's boat keeps the 
 lead, with the wind on her quarter, and is loudly 
 cheered by the ship's company of her vessel,, as she 
 passes Dockyard Creek. The wind freshens, and the 
 Intolerable's boat, which requires a heavy breeze, gains 
 fast on her. It is nearly time to round the buoy, and 
 there is a slashing breeze to beat back against. The 
 two leading boats come nearly in line of each other 
 — the respective commanders saluting in a dignified 
 manner. The Struldbrug's launch keeps away a little 
 to round — shoots ahead of its rival by one yard — and
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 199 
 
 in a minute has hauled her wind, and is standing away 
 on the starboard tack, with a reef in her mainsail. 
 
 "Hem — a cursed smart fellow, that Struldbrug's 
 man," muttered Ricks, taking the telescope away from 
 his eye, with a grunt. " ^\Tio is he ?" 
 
 " Mr. Jones, sir. He was in the Lark in the West 
 Indies with me," says a young " bung," touching his 
 cap. 
 
 " Who is Jones ?" inquires that wit Roribel, in his 
 playful manner. 
 
 By this time it is getting awfully hot, and the popping 
 of a champagne bottle is heard. At that warlike sound 
 everybody's blood gets up, and everybody commences 
 lunch. 
 
 Presently there was a roar of laughter as the In- 
 tolerable's boat ran right into the vessels in the 
 Marina. And the victorious Struldbrug's, tacking 
 ahead of her, shot inside the buoys — First ! The 
 cannon fired, and there was a loud cheer, as if the 
 magazine had blown up. 
 
 The second day was devoted to amateui's. And then 
 came the day for the man of war rowing boats. The 
 rowing boats were to start in line from the Fair Way 
 buoy, and pull to Magazine Point. 
 
 It was about three o'clock in the afternoon. The 
 jolly-boat race was just about to come off, and eight or 
 ten little fat boats — each with a midshipman in the 
 stern sheets — were laying on their oars waiting for the 
 signal. This was to be given by little Jack Testy, of 
 the Blunderbuss, who, hovering about in the second 
 gig, was making desperate efforts that they should 
 start fair. 
 
 " Regina's boat — keep back ! Back your oars, sir, 
 do vou hear ?
 
 200 MR. 
 
 There was a loud splashing. The Struldbrug's 
 jollj-boat, which was tossing about in the swell that 
 broke on the rocks under Fort Ricasoli, was near 
 going on shore : one regrets to say that one little 
 Will Tilbury, who commanded her — got sea sick. 
 
 " Keep back — give our oars room, will you ?" said 
 the midshipman of the Regina's boat, to the youth who 
 commanded that of the Intolerable. 
 
 " Oh you'll have plenty of room presently," said the 
 latter mentioned boy with a magnificent air. His crew 
 gave a triumphant laugh at the implied triumph. He 
 was a notable boy — Mr. Herbert Flower — commonly 
 known in the squadron by the name of the " Infant 
 Phenomenon." Young as he was, he looked still 
 younger, and owed his soubriquet to his extraordinary 
 precocity. He was sent as a child in the Cowslip to 
 the coast — came home from that station after eighteen 
 months' extraordinary experience^ — and was now a mid- 
 shipman in the Intolerable. I suppose it would sound 
 harsh and prosy to say that he was precociously profli- 
 gate ; besides the term " juvenile depravity " is never 
 applied to gentlemen's sons — it, of course, belongs of 
 right to little half naked boys who get " privately 
 whipped." Let us say simply, then, that Herbert 
 Flower was a boy of the world, or a boy about town. 
 He was just one of those little fellows who bet, play 
 billiards, &c., &c. — the intellectual dwarfs of civiliza- 
 tion — the Tom Thumbs of iniquity. One would fancy 
 they would have toy cigars, toy billiard tables, and so 
 on. But their bills show clearly that they patronise 
 these objects of amusement on a higher scale ! 
 
 The boats were just placed, when a schooner yacht 
 was seen slowly rounding the harbour's mouth. Jack 
 Testy's glass was upon her in an instant. **' Ah!" Jack
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 201 
 
 exclaimed, "the Paragon." And then it suddenly 
 flashed upon Jack that the Paragon belonged to Lord 
 Belfrej. " He had known him — hem — he had seen him, 
 at all events, at Napoli di Romania, two years ago." 
 
 The wind was extremely light ; and the long sickly 
 swell that broke — the result of the gale of the previous 
 days — came heavily rolling in, in a particularly dreary 
 way. To send a boat to the yacht, thought Jack Testy, 
 would be an attention. 
 " Intolerable's boat !" 
 
 " What's the matter ?" growled young Flower, sotto 
 voce. " Sir," he answered. 
 " Come alongside us." 
 
 " Curse the fellow ; ugly little beast," muttered 
 Flower. " Back the starboard oars — give way — round 
 your port oars, will you ?" 
 Flower's boat left the line. 
 "Close up, there. Off!" 
 
 The oars plashed — away went the boats — the row- 
 locks sounding, the gold laced caps nodding. Mr. 
 Flower v/as in a state of the highest indignation. 
 
 " Mr. Flower, go on board that yacht ; ask her 
 where she comes from, and see if she wants anything," 
 said the lieutenant. 
 
 " Then I hope, sir, you will report why my boat 
 didn't start in the race." 
 
 " That's my affair, sir. Go where I tell you," said 
 the astonished Testy. 
 
 " Give way," cried Flower, turning away with dis- 
 gust, and steering towards our friend the Paragon. 
 " The disgusting snob !" he kept muttering ; '• ill bred, 
 confounded hound. Give way, will you, and row dry, 
 or ril see to you !" 
 
 The boat shot away towards the yacht. When she 
 
 K 3
 
 202 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 reached her, she came alongside. Mr. Herbert Flower 
 jumped on board, shaking his sword in an awful manner, 
 and found there a stout, pompous gentleman, looking 
 very languid, and melting very gradually ; an orna- 
 mentally dressed matron sitting on a chair, with a 
 parasol over her head — and a youth, who appeared 
 to be doing the "yachting swell" with considerable 
 energy — a happy compound of summer and snobbism, 
 smoking a cigar. 
 
 Mrs. Snigsby's first impression was that this was a 
 little foreign boy of eccentric appearance, come to ask 
 custom for his proprietors. But Mr. Flower's manner 
 soon undeceived her. 
 
 " What's your yacht's name, sir ? Anything we can 
 do for you ?" 
 
 " The Paragon, sir ; my name is Snigsby," said the 
 old gentleman, rising. 
 
 " Come from England, I suppose. Well, you know, 
 if I can do anything — Intolerable's boat — sent here by 
 that lieutenant in the gig yonder. How long have you 
 been from Gibraltar ?" 
 
 It suddenly struck Mr. Snigsby, goodness knows 
 why — perhaps he was in what Mrs. Snigsby used to 
 call one of his " vestry moods" — that this visit of the 
 forward Mr. Flowers was a tyrannical interference 
 with a British citizen by armed force. Mr. Snigsby 
 had subscribed something in his time towards the cause 
 of peace ; Mr. Snigsby had loudly cheered the noisiest 
 preacher of tranquillity of the day. It all at once 
 occurred to him that his own private yacht w^as here 
 invaded by the boisterous member of a profession 
 which all Shoreditch knew to be filled by oligarchs 
 living on the people. (Herbert Flower's pay being, by 
 the by, £30 a year. )
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 203 
 
 " I dou't know, sir/' said Mr. Snigsby witli dignity, 
 " that I am called on to answer that question." 
 
 '' 0\\, dear no !" exclaimed Mr. Flower, delighted at 
 his mamier ; " not the ghost of a necessity — far from 
 it. Fact is, you know, I was sent to ask you if you 
 want any assistance. It's a matter of no importance." 
 
 Alfred was going to say something, but Mr. Snigsby 
 checked him. This manner of Mr. Flower's was too 
 patronising to be tolerated, he thought. So he just 
 said — 
 
 " Then I presume your mission is completed ?" 
 
 " I'm delighted to think so," said the youth, taking 
 off his cap, and moving towards the gangway. Sud- 
 denly a smile of a very knowing character passed 
 across his face — his knowing little blue eyes brightened 
 up quite suddenly as he turned round again. He ad- 
 dressed himself this time to Alfred. 
 
 "Well — sood mornincr. I don't know whether 
 you're familiar with the harbour, but it's customary 
 to report your arrival to that vessel there — " 
 
 He pointed as he spoke to a dusky brigantine, lying 
 near the side of the harbour. 
 
 Alfred got up, bowing to Flower, who jumped into 
 his boat, and was off directly. His crew saw him 
 watching the Paragon as they pulled along, and chuck- 
 ling to himself heartily every now and then. 
 
 Meanwhile, Alfred had the dingy lowered as the 
 yacht drifted slowly in. His father suggested that 
 they should call Mr. Blobb, at that time taking his 
 siesta, and consult him. 
 
 By the bye, that worthy skipper always liked a 
 seehester, he said, in that climate; and, indeed, ever 
 since the yacht got into warm latitudes, Mr. Snigsby's 
 bottled beer had been bursting in the hold in the
 
 204 MR. SNIGSBY'S yacht. 
 
 oddest manner (from the heat), just as the said 
 seehester — preceded as it usually was by lunch — used 
 to take place. 
 
 " He left word to be called just about this time, sir," 
 said the man who was steering. 
 
 But Alfred had jumped into the dingy, together with 
 a boy w4iom Blow had recommended to them, and 
 pushed off, delighted to be the first to leave the yacht, 
 delighted to have something of importance to do, on 
 first arriving at Malta. 
 
 When he reached the brigantine in question, he 
 found her — having apparently just arrived that morn- 
 ing — in great confusion. He immediately began scram- 
 bling up her side, when a brown head was thrust over, 
 and begun chattering to him in an unintelligible manner. 
 Then a big wolf dog came barking to the gangway, and 
 an immense confusion was heard on board, and cries of 
 " Inglese — Santo — something or other." 
 
 Quite startled, Mr. Alfred got into his boat again, 
 and looked up at the vessel in a helpless manner. 
 
 '^ Goes, Goes" shouted a black-looking fellow in a red 
 fez, peering over the side. " Goes, dam!" 
 
 Alfred moved away, when there suddenly came 
 round the bows of the strange brigantine, a green boat, 
 very dexterously pulled, conveying a respectable look- 
 ing Maltese in the stern sheets. The Maltese wore 
 the oddest uniform Mr. Alfred Snigsby had ever yet 
 seen — a naval-looking coat with a yelloio patch on the 
 collar. 
 
 ^' Ware you been, signor ? " cried the ugly uniform. 
 " Ware you been ? " 
 
 Alfred now saw that he was persecuted (as he after- 
 wards told his father), and pulled away in the dingy 
 as hard as he could. The odd-looking Maltese followed.
 
 ME. SXIGSBT S YACHT. 205 
 
 hallooing to him loudly, particularly as he reached 
 the yacht again. He jumped on deck, very flurried 
 and frightened. The odd-looking Maltese lay too off 
 the yacht, at once. The skipper, who had just come 
 on deck, rubbed his eyes in a bewildered manner. 
 
 **' Ware you from?" cried the Maltese. 
 
 "• Gibraltar," answered Mr. Snigsby. 
 
 '•' Oh lord, sar," screamed the Maltese, turninor to 
 Alfred. " What for vou ojo on board that brio-antine ? 
 Why you touch her ? Lord, sar — she from Alessander ; 
 you hah quarantine for one-and-ticenty day V 
 
 "Well— I'md— d!" said Mr. Blobb, with delibera- 
 tive emphasis. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby flmig up his heels on the lid of the sky- 
 light, and sank into the most abject despair.
 
 206 MR. SNIGSBY'S TACHT, 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Of course there was now nothing to do but to put up 
 with circumstances. A quarantine functionary came 
 on board, and hoisted the yellow flag at the yacht's 
 mast head, which gave the vessel, to an inexperienced 
 eye, rather a festive appearance ; for a yellow flag — a 
 bright, dazzling, flaming ornament, as gay as one of our 
 homely English butterflies — is, if you only are ignorant 
 of its symbolic meaning, rather prettier than most flags. 
 And in this respect (if we may begin our chapter with 
 a moral reflection), it typifies many things : Plumly's 
 eloquence. Miss Delacour's prettiness, and Scrophell 
 the novelist's romance, are all attractive objects, which, 
 to the knowing eye, suggest pestilence and death. To 
 drop the comparison, however (for I dislike preaching, 
 and we novelists ought, like wine, to be unconsciously 
 beneficial when the patient is only thinking w^hat a 
 good bin it comes from, and not, like medicine, pro- 
 fessedly healing), the Paragon was in quarantine, and 
 the Snigsbys in despair. Mr. Snigsby had at least the 
 consolation of knowing that he was not to blame, and 
 had never very heartily entered into the cruising pro- 
 ject from the first ; while his wife's bitterness was 
 doubled from that very circumstance. She would have 
 tolerated it fifty times as well, if she could only have 
 had the luxury of blaming Snigsby in the matter.
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 207 
 
 Curiously enough, she never liked that worthy man so 
 much as when he had committed some blunder, which 
 pleased her vanity by making her reflect upon her 
 superiority. One of his happiest weeks — the solid 
 man — was spent many years before this time in rigid 
 economy at Heme Bay, where he had blundered over 
 a business transaction, and lost a large sum. She 
 thought him all the better for his defects, as we admire 
 the leopard for his spots. 
 
 " Well, my dear," said Mr. Snigsby, " what do you 
 propose to do ?" This was asked with the sweetest 
 complacency ; for Mr. Snigsby was well aware that 
 his wife had no possible suggestion to make. 
 
 " I think we must just stop on board — that's all," 
 said his wife, with sharpness. 
 
 ** Why that, my dear, seems pretty obvious. I am 
 informed that in trespassing on shore when in quaran- 
 tine, you are liable to be shot." 
 
 " I wish I was," ejaculated Alfred, gloomily. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby paced the deck with his hands in his 
 pockets, jingling his loose cash, according to custom. 
 The yacht was moored at a buoy not very far from the 
 Parlatorio. That establishment will be long remembered 
 by all who have been in quarantine in Malta. The 
 tabooed human beings lean against a bar — a quarantine 
 officer marches in the centre ; on the other side mankind 
 at large are permitted to hold converse with you. If 
 you want refreshments, as of course you do, you pop the 
 money into a a little tub of water held to you for the 
 purpose. It was a great spectacle to see the Snigsbys 
 lounging about there in the mornings, or playing quoits 
 in the quarantine ground. To be sure it was prepos- 
 terously hot — but at it father and son regularly went, 
 while ^Irs. Snigsby stood by and watched them.
 
 208 MR. 
 
 Meanwhile, Mr. Blobb the skipper's frame of mind 
 was something which induced him to compare himself 
 — and surely he knew best — to " a bear with a sore 
 head." This is a favourite illustration among nautical 
 men. He slept a good deal, and also swore a little, and 
 continually complained of the heat. No wonder — Mr. 
 Snigsby's bottled stout kept bursting faster than ever 
 from that very cause. It happened as might haA e 
 been expected, about the hottest time of the day, and, 
 as has previously been hinted, usually about the hour 
 of Blobb's lunch ; Mr. Snigsby had his misgivings, but 
 he was considerably in awe of the skipper. That awe 
 had gradually increased during the voyage, for Mr. 
 Blobb, having very soon discovered that they " was 
 not regular swells," had taken measures for making 
 himself of immense importance on board. He was an 
 old yachtsman, and had sailed under most specimens of 
 the yachting tribe — in the Sylph, for instance, with a 
 sturdy old yachting dowager, who was a better sailor 
 than many post captains — who would ring her bell in 
 the night to know w^hy the gaff-topsail was not taken off 
 her (the yacht I mean), and who made Blobb pay for 
 the spars he lost. His cruise with that " old woman 
 of the sea" (who would have made a good wife for the 
 famous persecutor of Sindbad), dwelt in his memory 
 long. She w^as the widow of Admiral Slumton, K.K.B., 
 and had lived many a year on board her Majesty's 
 ships and vessels of war, pleasantly enjoying the cream 
 of naval life on the various stations where Slumton 
 had held commands. Blobb suffered terribly on board 
 her vessel, and finally had a desperate quarrel with 
 her — having unhappily lost overboard her wig, w^hich 
 she had sent on deck to be dressed by her very ugly 
 domestic. Then he sailed the Whelp for a young
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 209 
 
 gentleman "wlio took it into his head to take all the 
 charge on himself, and superseded Blobb — till they 
 were caught in the Gulf of Lyons by a tremendous 
 gale, and the young gentleman was found on his knees 
 in among his patent leather boots, xlccordingly, he 
 was a regular old stager ; and often when the Snigsbys 
 sat down to a more delicate fowl than usual, the villain 
 would set the big jib, as he expressed it, with motives so 
 disgraceful that I decline to expatiate on them. A 
 pretty thing, indeed ! fowls to dinner to a person in his 
 station of life I Such was the reflection of IMrs. Snigsby 
 to her husband one day after Blobb had requested per- 
 mission to kill a couple of chickens. For of course the 
 Snigsbys now felt inclined to look down on the " lower 
 orders." Everybody who rises in this country cuts 
 and snubs the class he came from. We are all appar- 
 ently becoming " higher orders " together, so that by 
 and bye, society will be like the giant's castle, built on 
 the top of a bean stalk — a structure that must, of 
 course, get more shaky the loftier and more pretentious 
 it becomes. 
 
 Well, days wore on, and the quarantine people gave 
 the yacht some grace, and allowed them to haul down 
 the yellow flag before the time. The fact was, this 
 was suggested to the authorities by little Grigg, the 
 busybody of the island, who discovered with consider- 
 able tact that the Snigsbys were people with money, 
 and took care to be introduced, and to let them know to 
 whose interference they owed their premature escape. 
 The family now established themselves in very nice 
 rooms in the Strada Reale — that imposing street where 
 the pavement looks so white and hot in the summer — 
 where the Maltese girls go tripping along with their 
 mantillas flowing — and his Excellency the Cardinal
 
 210 MR. SNIGSBY's yacht. 
 
 rolls by in a hideously ugly carriage — and military 
 men saunter, and naval men walk, and Turks stroll, 
 and priests glide monotonously in a pace different from 
 all. Malta is the great oUa podrida of mankind. All 
 varieties of races get mixed in that dish. Some inge- 
 nuity would be required to determine the proportions 
 of the social mess ; but the English mercantile classes 
 represent the beef — wandering artists the more tender 
 and luxuriant fowl — naval and military men the game 
 (a little high, sometimes) — the natives the malodorous 
 garlic — and Jesuits the titillating pepper ! On the 
 whole it is an agreeable compound — if your appetite is 
 vigorous. 
 
 The Snigsbys, I say, perched themselves comfortably 
 in Strada Reale, and there they looked round about, 
 and then at each other in an inquiring way. They 
 were now abroad, there could be no doubt of that, 
 and — why now they must begin to enjoy it. But the 
 first stare some English people give under these simple 
 circumstances is odd enough ; they seem to peer round 
 with a sort of idea that they ought to be somehow or 
 other inspired. There is a disagreeable air of " Is this 
 all ?" about them, made still more ludicrous by their 
 assumption of a contrary style of language. How 
 often must we preach the coelum non animum? My 
 dear Mr. Snigsby, how could you expect to be touched 
 by the tombs of the Knights of St. John's, when nothing 
 but your pocket (on the demand of sixpence) was ever 
 touched by the tombs in your own Westminster Abbey? 
 However, they began at all events to get into " society" 
 in time. For to begin with, they secured the good 
 graces of the little fat pompous parson of St. Kilderkin. 
 The card of the Reverend Mr. Fatton was sent up one 
 morning, and the reverend gentleman himself followed
 
 MR. SNIGSBY'S yacht. 211 
 
 it, bowed, took a chair, crossed his legs, and holding 
 his hat on his knees, kept himself with one eye on Mr. 
 and one on Mrs. Snigsby, so as to secure both — while 
 " my son, sir," Alfred, sat uneasily on the sofa, fum- 
 bling the " Racing Calendar." Mr. Fatton's business 
 was ushered in by a "hem," and "doubtless Mr. 
 Snigsby was acquainted with the depressed state of the 
 Protestant Church in the island?" Our friend had 
 certainly never become acquainted with anything of 
 the sort ; and glancing with the eye of a man of busi- 
 ness at the prosperous appearance of Mr. Fatten, could 
 not at first imagine the possibility of it. But he felt 
 he was very likely to expose his ignorance if he de- 
 murred, so he bowed blandly, and rubbed his hands 
 with an air of acquiescence. Mr. Fatton bowed also, 
 and went on to talk of the " abomination of desolation," 
 and the machinations of^ the Jesuits — and, in fact, 
 the subscription list for the new Protestant Church 
 of Malta, now being built on the " Rock of Ages," 
 as he expressed it, and at a considerable expense. 
 (Indeed, Malta had recently been blessed with a bishop 
 who had been received with manned yards, and a 
 salute — with considerably more honour indeed than St. 
 Paul was in the same island.) Mr. Snigsby heard the 
 orator with attention, glanced at his wife, went to 
 his desk and subscribed with munificence. INIr. Fatton 
 was charmed, begged to make Mr. and Mrs. Snigsby 
 acquainted with some of his friends. Cards dropped 
 in, and the Snigsbys went out a good deal, and attended 
 the fashionable movements ; saw the sailors landed to 
 drill in the mornings, which was a freak of the new 
 admiral's, which gave a few gentlemen in the squadron 
 an opportunity of galloping about like dragoons ; at- 
 tended Florian gardens, and " stopped the way" at the
 
 212 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 opera in the evening. Then, there were quiet solid 
 dinners at which Mr. Snigsby chatted over the cur- 
 rency with mercantile men, the reduction of the dollar, 
 the rise of the dollar, and so forth — for Malta is a 
 miniature England in business as in pleasure — has its 
 own currency, and gets into commercial convulsions 
 about twopence. So the Snigsbsean existence went on 
 very pleasantly for a while, scarcely jarred even by the 
 singular conduct of a private in the Tralee Raffs, who 
 being comfortably drunk, and seeing Mr. Snigsby's 
 door open, tumbled up stairs unperceived, and coolly 
 turned into bed in the connubial chamber. That 
 misguided man was discovered by the astonished 
 Mr. Snigsby, in the evening, and subsequently duly 
 punished. 
 
 One regrets to reflect, however, that all this time 
 Mr. Alfred Snigsby was finding things very " slow." 
 How could he be expected to relish the discussions 
 on the currency — a word which simply suggested 
 laughter to a disciple of the school of Brickies. He 
 had come out to the Mediterranean with the feeling of 
 those who, as Punch said the other day, think " the 
 Mediterranean is not to be made a French lake — its 
 proper vocation being that of an English pond." He 
 thought all enthusiasm about antiquities, and so forth, 
 humbug. Indeed Brickies, his idol, had travelled, 
 and published a work, pooh-poohing the Pyramids, and 
 snubbing the Acropolis, and conveying much such a 
 notion of the East as one would be likely to get of the 
 North, from an alert inmate of that department of the 
 Zoological Gardens where the Simise dwell. Alfred 
 had, accordingly no sympathy with anything but such 
 amusement as the island could afford to a man of 
 London tastes ; and all such people must have re-
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht, 213 
 
 marked how miserably inferior foreigners are to us in 
 civilization. Yon may range Constantinople or Smyrna 
 for nightSj without ever finding a place where you 
 can get a chop and hear a comic song; at Athens, a 
 friend of mine "out on the loose " at night, was nearly 
 eaten alive by the dogs that howl dismally there. It 
 A^-as melancholy to see Alfred " mooning," as he called 
 it, about the streets in the forenoon, sometimes peering 
 in at the churches, and then slinking away ^^ bored" — 
 afraid to go home, lest Mr. Fatton should be prosing 
 there, and sick of the yacht, which was lying looking 
 trim and empty, near the Dockyard Creek. Blobb's 
 conversation (even had Mrs. Snigsby not warned her son 
 against being too familiar icith his inferiors, was some- 
 what monotonous, and Blobb now usually spent great 
 part of the day in playing skittles at a homely pastoral 
 public house called the " Shepherd and Shepherdess," 
 on the Burmola side of the harbour. Alfred, in a word, 
 was hipped. 
 
 But fortune had something in store for the youth — 
 an excitement for that noble heart and brain. One 
 morning he had just " tooled " (the reader must pardon 
 one or more of his expressions) out to saunter as usual, 
 when he saw in the distance a lady, at the sight of 
 whom he involuntarily plucked up his collar, and 
 thought of his studs. She was, as regarded looks, 
 apparently too dark for an English woman, and too 
 light for a Southern ; she walked with an easy, per- 
 fectly self-possessed manner, looking in at the shop 
 windows every now and then. Mr. Alfred involun- 
 tarily exclaimed to himself (for there is such a process, 
 thouo-h I aoTee with Theodore Hook in thinkins; "men- 
 tally ejaculated" ridiculous), " What a stunner !" He 
 carelesslv crossed the street, and strutted after her.
 
 214 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 She paused at a shop — Alfred paused. She glanced 
 towards him, and met his eye. Hers was a clear 
 straight look, not likely to be startled by the amount 
 of expression which nature had bestowed upon Alfred's; 
 but he thought he saw something encouraging in it. 
 Accordingly, he followed her once more, saw her turn 
 down one of the streets leading from Strada Reale in 
 the direction of the Quarantine Harbour, and enter 
 a house. We may be sure he booked the number. 
 I suppose all men have experienced what a relief any- 
 thing in the shape of an attachment is, if one is at 
 one's wit's end for something to do ; really it is quite a 
 luxury, if one has nothing to think about — but Alfred 
 in this case was transported. Here was a chance for 
 him at last. He felt that he might do something now 
 really "fast." Should she only be the new singer 
 expected at the opera ! Your gentlemen of the Brickies 
 and Alfred Snigsby school, we may remark, have 
 always the most extraordinary interest in theatrical 
 women in preference to others. They are moths 
 that will hover round the foot-lights. This is vice 
 doubtless ; but it is a pitiable vice that has a dash of 
 snobbery in it. A few names that disgrace the aristo- 
 cracy, are associated with a few names that disgrace 
 the stage. Now, Brickies and Co., like Trip in the 
 School for Scandal, their type — must imitate their su- 
 periors' vice. Hence their follies, and their intrigues. 
 Our friend Alfred, for instance, when in London, 
 whould have made as much hubbub about a little 
 pug-nosed girl — in the Co vent-garden ballet — as if she 
 had been a Fontanges. But to return. He loitered 
 about the house in the Strada Sotta, glancing at the 
 windows — saw the lady appear at one- — looked up — 
 met her look again. There were no signs of anybody
 
 215 
 
 else about the establishment. It was a dull, quiet 
 street, a long narrow one, at the end of which the 
 water gleamed in a patch, as if seen through a tele- 
 scope. He moved away presently, and went home, 
 where he was sadly distrait during dinner-time. His 
 father essayed to brighten him up, by asking him 
 what curiosities of the island he had yet visited — 
 for Mr. Snigsby, though sadly bored by "interesting" 
 remains, faithfully visited them, and Mrs. Snigsby 
 went further, and earnestly tried to like them, though 
 both of them affected an edifying indiflPerence to 
 the splendours of the " idolatrous " churches. Alfred 
 had little to say. That same evening he sought the 
 enchanted street again ; the lady was seated at the 
 same window, which was half open, to let in the cool 
 air during that delicious Mediterranean hour when the 
 weight of the heat being lifted off the earth, all the 
 freshness and sweetness rise up everywhere, like per- 
 fume from a vase of rose leaves when the lid is removed. 
 Alfred sauntered past, mildly humming an operatic 
 reminiscence. The figure moved — and what was his 
 delight when he heard a piano, and a rich brilliant 
 voice begin ! 
 
 Days passed, and to the best of Alfred's belief he 
 was a favoured man. At last it struck him that he 
 would make an experiment which, if successful, would 
 rank him among the most accomplished men of his 
 school. The magic window was oj^en, apparently, so 
 late ; it was not very high. Other figures than that of 
 the beauty, he had never seen there. The street was 
 silence itself. What a fine thing it would be to scale 
 the window by a ladder ! He had seen Miss Deloraine 
 {nee Snogg) do it, in blue silk trousers and a doublet, 
 in Brickies' burlesque of JonaKs Gourd; or, Cut and
 
 216 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 Come Again. It avouIcI be tedious to narrate all his 
 musings on this project. He made up his mind to try 
 it — and having by a judicious use of cash procured two 
 faithful Maltese, who were to bring a ladder at eleven, 
 P.M., or so, to the neighbouring corner, he fixed his 
 evening and awaited the hour. About nine he rose 
 from the sofa, where he had been affecting to doze 
 after dinner. 
 
 " Where are you going, Alf ?" said his mamma. 
 
 " Just for a walk in the cool. It is too hot here. 
 Good night." 
 
 He gained the street, and marched along — just a 
 little cold about the heart, as if there was an ice poul- 
 tice there, drawing the "pluck" away from it. It 
 was not his time yet (but how could he have gone 
 out with propriety much later?) and so he turned into 
 a cafe. In the billiard room there, a company of seedy, 
 bearded individuals were playing the Russian game. 
 He sat on the benches at the side drinking negus 
 and watching them ; there was a novelty in the colour 
 of the balls and the mode of play which interested 
 him ; and then, you know, to be up to the Russian 
 game would look very well, by and by at Pott's 
 billiard-rooms, in the Strand. He finished the negus ; 
 he took some brandy and water; he began to feel rather 
 like a Lovelace, and to be somewhat proud of his medi- 
 tated exploit. He sallied forth — though to be sure he 
 had a little qualm, partly fear, partly something else, 
 as having to pass the family lodgings, he saw a light in 
 his mother's bedroom, where I suppose Mrs. Snigsby 
 was putting on her nightcap before the looking glass. 
 This emotion, however, was very temporary. On he 
 went. He passed one cafe, just closing, and could not 
 resist a final little dose of brandy. At last he was in
 
 ME. snigsby's yacht. 217 
 
 the street. The window was open ; there was a faint 
 light in the room. He found his ladder in its place. 
 He thought for an instance of everything that had en- 
 couraged him to his resolution, and slowly moved the 
 instrument — a decently light one — from the ground. 
 At the very first start he nearly ran it through a 
 parlour window, but he moved with more caution. A 
 momentj and it was in its destined place. His foot was 
 on the lowest round. 
 
 At this moment, who should arrive at the end of 
 the street, but our friend the "infant phenomenon," 
 Mr. Herbert Flower, of the Intolerable ! He was 
 accompanied by an acquaintance, Velourby, of the 
 Bustard. These two young gentlemen, after having 
 been riding out all the afternoon, had been dining at 
 the Clarendon, had played billiards, and supped on 
 quails, and were now open to any amusement that any- 
 bodv mio;ht have to offer them. Flower's eye cauo-ht 
 the ladder in an instant. 
 
 " I say, Velourby, look there ! Stop a minute, the 
 fellow's getting up. Let us stick at the corner and 
 watch !" 
 
 Alfred mounted — his long legs looked ludicrous 
 enough — and commenced the ascent. When he reached 
 the window, there was nobody in the room. He felt 
 very like a burglar. However, he quietly got in. 
 There was a small lamp burning on the table, and 
 near it lay a sheet of music. 
 
 But by this time Mr. Flower had reached the spot. 
 " Gad," he said to Velourby, " here's a lark." 
 
 " Let's take away the ladder," said Velourby, " and 
 he won't be able to get down again." 
 
 Flower laughed, but the ladder looked quite tempt- 
 ing, and he immediately began ascending it himself. 
 
 VOL. I. L
 
 218 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 Mr. Alfred's astonishment was immense when his head 
 appeared at the open window. Open flew the door, 
 however, and in rushed a stout old gentleman armed 
 with a large stick, and followed by two or three ser- 
 vants. Alfred involuntarily assumed the attitude of 
 the Chelsea Snob. The old gentleman flew towards 
 the window, catching Mr. Flower just within a step or 
 two of the top. 
 
 " Good evening, sir," said Mr. Flower, taking off" his 
 hat with immense coolness. " You seem to keep open 
 house !" 
 
 Two servants rushed at Alfred, who gave the first of 
 them what he subsequently termed " a mouse under the 
 left eye." The stick wildly flourished over the " Phe- 
 nomenon," he ran down two steps, turned inside the 
 ladder, and came down " hand over hand." The police 
 were beginning to assemble, and the " phenomenon " 
 and his friend disappeared. But Mr. Alfred, after 
 prodigies of valour, was taken prisoner, and locked up. 
 
 " His mother looked from her lattice highJ' 
 
 in vain for him the next morning, but Mr. Snigsby 
 was summoned by a forlorn note to the court, and 
 purchased the youth's freedom on payment of a fine. 
 
 Mrs. Snigsby did not quite understand the affair. 
 '^ Fun is fun, my dear boy," said the excellent woman, 
 " but what did you expect to find in the house ?" 
 
 Alfred looked foolish. Mr. Snigsby pulled up his 
 neckcloth with a significant " hem." " My dear," he 
 said, " let us be very glad the affair is settled as it is." 
 
 " Yes, but it seems so odd, such a strange kind of 
 whim — " 
 
 " My dear, said Mr. Snigsby, " your innocent 
 mind—"
 
 ME. snigsbt's yacht. 219 
 
 Mrs. Snigsby felt there was patronage in tlie tone o 
 the observation. " Innocent I Mr. Snigsbv ; I don't 
 know that I'm more innocent than mv neighbours, 
 and—" 
 
 Her husband gave a hearty city laugh. " Neither, 
 madam, is your son and heir !" And Snigsby, for once, 
 had the best of it. 
 
 L 2
 
 220 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Alfred, in his agitation, had not recognised Herbert 
 Flower as the young gentleman to whose hoax the 
 yacht owed her quarantine. Herbert Flower had re- 
 cognised him however, for that officer was not likely to 
 be disturbed in his vision by circumstances of danger. 
 In fact he was a fellow of great pluck, and had distin- 
 guished himself on the coast, from no wish to distinguish 
 himself to be sure, but there was a sort of excitement 
 about capturing slavers, which he rather liked. When 
 he returned, he had taken lodgings in London, drawn 
 his prize money, and started a brougham. It is sup- 
 posed that he meant to go down to the parental abode 
 in the country by and bye, but his father visited London 
 in the interim, and found out his whereabouts in the 
 oddest manner. The old gentleman was returning to 
 his hotel from the theatre, when he passed through a 
 street, apparently in a high state of animation. A 
 building flaring with lamps, and from which the wild 
 clamour of a polka resounded, was the focus of attrac- 
 tion. Among many cabs was a small row of broughams, 
 with their drivers nodding on the boxes, and one old 
 yellow family carriage, which some youth had dis- 
 gracefully brought while the family were out of town, 
 and which stood there a forlorn protest of respectability 
 against the surrounding scene. Mr. Flower was some-
 
 MR. SXIGSBY'S yacht. 221 
 
 what hustled, and almost pushed against the broughams, 
 when his eye caught, on decidedly the newest of them, 
 a well known symbol. He gazed on the panels and 
 saw, nothing more nor less than a shield, argent, semee 
 of roses barbed and seeded, ppr : crest, a lion, sejant, 
 holding in its mouth a fleur-de-lis, motto, Redolet, ut 
 solet Mr. Flower well knew that no one dared assume 
 that brilliant coat but a Flower of Flory. He woke 
 the coachman, who answered to his question, that his 
 master's name was oNIr. Herbert Flower. The youth 
 appeared shortly afterwards, delighted to see him, of 
 course, and next day was taken down to the country in 
 triumph. Mr. Flower has since learned that the place 
 was called the Casino, but has not yet been able to find 
 the word in any dictionary. Is it generally known, I 
 wonder ? 
 
 A few days after Alfred's adventure in Strada Sotta, 
 he was strutting out, keeping very clear of the scene 
 of the ladder feat, when he entered a billiard room. 
 The usual party were playing pool there ; the Italian 
 count with the white beard, that fine old man, with a 
 bevy of youngsters round him (a scene which my friend 
 Fontenoy used to say could be excellently described by 
 one line from Don Juan : 
 
 " A Land of children round an aged ram !") 
 
 a mate or two, and Ludder of the marines. Poor 
 Ludder I To be without fortune, and to be unable to 
 to live without luxuries — to make billiards help one's 
 poverty, and games of amusement pay one's washer- 
 woman — to be sneered at by men who never note any 
 want in a man but a want of money — to have a dubious 
 civility from the very marker, who has heard the
 
 222 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 whispers of the smokers, and esteems the poor gentle- 
 man, who plays so well, as little better than himself ! — 
 what a destiny yours was ! There are no tragedies 
 like those of civilisation ; no lot so bitter as to have to 
 make both ends meet, by helping them with a little bit 
 of the heartstrings. 
 
 There Ludder was, as usual, with his pale half- 
 anxious face, as Alfred came in, just resting his cue. 
 Click. A " life " is gone. Jenner bites his lips.; he 
 had lost several successive games. 
 
 " Oh, I can't do anything," he muttered, looking 
 sulky. 
 
 " Why play, then ?" said Ludder, quietly. 
 
 " Why do you ?" said Jenner, with a sneer. 
 
 Ludder looked up for a moment, but his face was 
 calm ; he chalked his cue, and hummed. The markers 
 exchanged glances — the game went on quietly. Both 
 Alfred and Herbert Flower, who was sitting on the 
 side sofa, watching the tables, with a cigar in his 
 mouth, looked up at the same moment. Their eyes 
 met ; Alfred began to recognise him slowly, but Flower 
 had heard rumours of the Snigsbsean hospitality. He 
 went over to Alfred at once, and said : — 
 
 " I made a sad mistake t'other day about the brigan- 
 tine ! Hem — you see, these brigantines are the devil !" 
 
 Alfred had all a " knowing " man's misgivings that 
 he was being humbugged, but there was a goodnatured 
 look in Flower's face, and Flower was a naval man, 
 and Alfred wanted to know naval men and military 
 men ; Brickies himself had a turn that way, and sang 
 funny songs, and told anecdotes at the guards' mess, 
 and took a vacant seat in a drag, when they asked him, 
 &c. — so he accepted Herbert's overtures with civility, 
 and Herbert took him off to Joe Micallef's to supper.
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 223 
 
 and introduced him as " my friend Snigsby," to a few 
 other luminaries. 
 
 There they sat and "chaifed" the fat and jovial Joe, 
 made him cook some quails, and soon got very friendly. 
 Alfred asked three of them to dinner, and they came 
 very punctually indeed, and were very splendidly 
 entertained. Mr. Snigsby even apologised for his 
 uncourteousness on the occasion of Mr. Flower's official 
 visit, and Flower begged him not to mention it — with 
 perfect sincerity, for the fact was, he dreaded bursting 
 into a roar of laughter at the thought of his subsequent 
 exploit, which had raised him amongst the youngsters 
 of the squadi'on to the highest point of popularity. 
 
 All this was very agreeable. Alfred came on board 
 the Intolerable very frequently. They used to retire 
 after dinner to the bow port on the main deck, and 
 smoke there. One evenino-, a thouMit struck Alfred — 
 Would they come and breakfast with him next morning 
 on board the Paragon ? Of course they would — of 
 
 course. Xothing could be more agreeable, if old 
 
 would give leave. " Old has been sulky," a mid- 
 shipman remarks; "fact is, we don't come up to see the 
 hammocks stowed, you know." "What kind of a man 
 
 is old ?" Alfred asks. "Oh! an old muff." " Is he 
 
 anything of a sailor ?" asks Alfred, looking nautical. 
 " Why — hem ! he may be something of a sailor it's 
 true," says Flower, lazily assenting to what he con- 
 sidered an unimportant merit. " However, old 
 
 must be asked for leave, sailor or no sailor." " You 
 must put up with these things if you stay in the pro- 
 fession," says Jigger, philosophically. They make up 
 their minds to ask him at once, for he is just at dessert 
 now, and to use his own favourite expression, " a child 
 might play with him now !" Lo I off goes Flower to
 
 224 MR. 
 
 the ward room, steals alongside the said old , and 
 
 asks him, just as he has taken a sip of his favourite 
 wine — for Flower is an artist in these matters — ma- 
 nages a commander as Wombwell would a bear. Out 
 
 he comes again, looking joyous. Old is not such 
 
 a bad fellow after all. " That's it ! you see," adds Jigger, 
 *' he's not without his good points, Snigsby, mind you." 
 And they arranged to meet next morning. 
 
 Morning came. Flower and Jigger had vanished 
 
 early, for old might be bilious and repent. " Too 
 
 knowing to risk that, you see," says Jigger. Alfred felt 
 a justifiable pride as he showed them into the main 
 cabin, with splendid furniture and hangings everywhere, 
 breakfast laid out, game, fruit, wine, &c., on a table 
 radiant with silver and china. " These people do it," 
 thought Flower, and Flower wondered mentally, " what 
 things were coming to." Flory itself was a little 
 seedy nowadays, and his second sister had married 
 somebody for money — somebody, alas ! who had been 
 obliged to get a grant of arms at old Flower's request, 
 or she could not have transmitted their twenty-four 
 quarterings to her children, in case Herbert (who was 
 the only son) left his sisters co-heiresses of the name. 
 Whereas — but, "Coffee or tea. Flower?" broke the 
 moment's reverie. I don't say Flower was envious of 
 the wealthy broker — I say that he had had an English 
 education, and thought accordingly. 
 
 But a case of preserved grouse had been ripped with 
 the sharp steel in a moment ; in another. Jigger had 
 helped everybody to Moselle, as an excuse for beginning 
 himself, and the party began to get jolly. 
 
 "Call Blobb!" said Flower. Blobb came. Flower 
 poured out a glass of wine for him. The tall skipper 
 said, " my respects," as his custom was, and drank it.
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 225 
 
 "And now," said Flower, slapping Alfred on the 
 back, " let's run outside the harbour for an hour." 
 
 Alfred hesitated. Blobb looked at him inquiringly. 
 
 " There's a goodish breeze," said Blobb. " I should 
 let these gentlemen see what the Paragon can do, sir — 
 (Alfred knew one thing, that the Paragon could do for 
 him in rough weather only too well) — When I sailed 
 the Dream for Lord Blorj." 
 
 " She won the cup," said Flower. 
 
 "So she did, sir. Do you remember that? That 
 was a wessel ! Well, shall I weigh, sir ?" 
 
 " I'll bet you the Lotos would lick you all to fits," 
 said Jigger, to stimulate affairs. 
 
 " We'll show them, eh, Blobb?" said Alfred, with 
 desperate gaiety. " Get up the anchor." He felt that 
 he was in for it — now or never must Alfred Snigsby 
 be a nautical man. "Try a pate P'' he said, with a 
 magnificent air, and he further dived into the recesses 
 of the yacht's resources by producing some cura^oa. 
 If Herbert Flower had a weakness (and it must be 
 admitted he had a few), his peculiar weakness was 
 curagoa. They pledged each other with all conceivable 
 jollity; Flower had lighted a cigar. Jigger was just 
 attempting one more slice of melon, when the yacht 
 heeled — a plate on the edge of the table, all white and 
 gold, shot off, spun like a Catherine wheel, and died 
 out into sparkles of China dust on the deck. In rushed 
 the servant to clear the table. 
 
 " Come on deck," said Flower. 
 
 A goodish breeze ! It was a stiff breeze Blobb I 
 The yacht paid off, and swept away towards the har- 
 bour's mouth. The red fair-way buoy bobbed ahead 
 in the distance like a cherry one moment, the next 
 they were flying past it. The island seemed sinking 
 
 L 3
 
 226 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 into the sea as they shot away from it, gathering itself 
 up with its forts and spires and its white stony rocks, 
 before settling into the deep green waters. Every now 
 and then the shadow of a huge cloud swept over the 
 sea, which seemed to shrink under it as it hurried 
 along. 
 
 " Well, how do you like her," said Alfred. 
 
 " Oh, capital !" said Flower. He began walking 
 about the deck with the old " Cowslip " air. 
 
 ^^ How do you feel ?" said Jigger, suddenly. 
 
 " Let's go back !" muttered Alfred, making for the 
 cabin. 
 
 "My dear fellow!" said Flower, "stuff! Now do 
 what I tell you ;" and he and Jigger seized their host, 
 and led him in an attentive manner to the side. "Boy, 
 some brandy." 
 
 Alfred had one wild glance at the heaving, pitiless 
 sea to leeward, and to the long line of thin foam 
 beneath him. Flower's hand was on his forehead. 
 There was a pause, and Jigger came with the cognac. 
 
 " Now, old boy — there ! off with it !" said Jigger. 
 
 " That's a man !" said Flower, patting him. " Never 
 give in to this kind of thing." 
 
 Alfred was better. He took a little more brandy 
 He stuck to the deck. The yacht was still jumping 
 about, and it was getting darker over head. 
 
 " We'll make a sailor of you, old fellow !" said 
 Jigger. " Now, do you know how to put her about 
 man-of-war fashion ? Ready about ?" 
 
 Mr. Blobb came running aft. " What's the matter, 
 sir?" 
 
 " You're the proprietor, you know," whispered Flower 
 to Alfred, " you put her about yourself." 
 
 " I'll put her about, Blobb," said Alfred.
 
 YACHT. 227 
 
 " As you please, sir," said Blobb, quietly. There 
 %yas a calm satire about that man's manner which 
 Alfred stood in dread of. "Mr. Blobb," he said, "take 
 some brandy?" 
 
 " Thank you, sir, I ain't sick." 
 
 " Go forward, sir I" said Alfred, majestically. 
 
 " Now, then, ^ ready, oh ! ready,' cry," said Flower. 
 
 " Ready, oh ! ready !" cried Alfred, to the inexpres- 
 sible delight of the cook's boy, who was watching the 
 proceedings from the bows. 
 
 "' Helm down," said Jigger. Down flew the helm, 
 and round came the shivering schooner, flapping in the 
 wind ; over glided the boom. Really, Alfred thought, 
 it was the easiest thing imaginable. Accordingly — 
 lunch — more brandy I 
 
 By this time, IMalta was lying far away ; the wind 
 kept still rising. Blobb came and reported that the 
 "'glass was falling." Oh, they would stand on a little 
 longer, and Alfred was going to tack her again. This 
 time he cried out " Ready, all ready !" in a voice that 
 would have done for a three decker. Everything 
 went right — except — whew! a squall came, and carried 
 away the topmast ! 
 
 " Mr. Blobb !" Alfred cried out, with a pitiable yell. 
 
 " Hush, man," said Flower, laughing, " it's no great 
 matter I" Blobb came forward, and set the men to 
 work to clear the wreck, which was struggling in a 
 mass of confusion. Flower bounded down to the cabin 
 for a moment, and came up again, looking a little 
 graver. He then went and looked at the compass, and 
 to windward, and towards Malta, now a cloud almost — 
 Alfred's eyes all the time watching him with eagerness. 
 
 " Well ?" said Alfred, a little pale. 
 
 " Why, it's coming on to blow," Flower said.
 
 228 MR. 
 
 " Coming on ! Don't you call this blowing ?" 
 
 Flower gave a little laugh — light, but ominous — like 
 a funeral note on a silver handbell. 
 
 " Look at these clouds, my boy ; we call them horse 
 tails." And he glanced upwards at a group of long 
 black strips of clouds flying across the sky. " The 
 fact is, we are in for a gale, and we shan't get back 
 to-night." 
 
 The yacht was too far to leeward to get back in her 
 disabled state, indeed ; and Mr. Alfred had to watch 
 the process of her being made "all snug." Snug, 
 indeed ! Never did word appear to him such a mis- 
 nomer as that. 
 
 And then he lay on the cabin lockers, looking out on 
 the place with ghastly eyes, tossed about till he scarcely 
 knew whether his head belonged to him. He saw as 
 in a vision Flower descend and huddle himself up in 
 the corner, with a cold chicken and a crust ; and then 
 Jigger came down in his turn, and overhead there was 
 an eternal rattling of ropes — and a long night of dreams 
 followed, till suddenly he woke, and found everything 
 very still. In the grey light of the morning he saw 
 Flower and Jigger asleep on the cabin floor, like the 
 babes in the wood, heaped over with cloaks. He went 
 on deck ; the yacht was at anchor in harbour, but not 
 the harbour of Malta. To the right lay a quaint old 
 town, which seemed to sprawl along the coast, and end 
 on a narrow neck of rocks. A long, low shore spread 
 far away to the left, vague and marshy, with patches 
 of water gleaming here and there, like fragments of a 
 broken mirror, on the flats* The herbage was of 
 watery origin ; green flags were grouped together near 
 the shore. But the distance showed a fine pastoral 
 country, and the trees near the town were mulberry
 
 229 
 
 trees. It was Sicily, the idyl of the world. The 
 yacht was in the harbour of Syracuse. 
 
 It was the nature of Herbert Flower to accommodate 
 himself to circumstances. Circumstances having driven 
 the yacht into Syracuse, kept himself and Mr. Jigger 
 away from their leave, and Alfred Snigsby away from 
 his family — why, what was to be done ? Clearly, to 
 make the most of the occasion, and see all that was to 
 be seen in the town. 
 
 Behold the three young gentlemen, then, mounted 
 on mules, and trotting away into the country — ambling, 
 I should say — for ambling is the mule's true pace. The 
 mule is a classical animal, an ecclesiastical animal, a 
 literary animal ; he remindeth you of the ancients, of 
 the Jesuits, of Cervantes. Lightly fall the cudgel on 
 the beast which ambles through the pages of Don 
 Quixote ! 
 
 Away they amble, and now they reach, passing through 
 light groves of pale green trees, on a road where here 
 and there the country cafe offers hard red wine — a kind 
 of glen. There has been an amphitheatre here once ; 
 those long brown stones, half covered by the grass, 
 were the seats of the audience ; but what is that huge 
 carved rock, that lofty fissure in yon hill of stone, 
 crowned by the scarred brow of grass ? 'Tis the fa- 
 mous prison — the Ear of Dionysius. It is tall — long, 
 ah ! with what propriety it is long — eternal type in 
 stone of the long ear of it builder — who has left no 
 monument but the one that proves his infamy. 
 
 Well, of course, the prison has become vulgarised 
 nowadays. There is a chair suspended from the top 
 — dangling ludicrously across the mouth of the sono- 
 rous cavern — wherein you may be hoisted, for a small
 
 230 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 remuneration, to the private liole in the rock, some 
 eighty feet up. In that hole, says tradition, the tyrant 
 sat. 
 
 Now, Mr. Alfred Snigsby mounted in the chair, the 
 guides began their task of hoisting, and slowly he 
 ascended towards the place. Nothing could be more 
 delightful than the motion. As you rise the little 
 scene round seems to expand, the little picture unrols 
 itself, and beauty overflows the boundary ring of the 
 sight. 
 
 But hillo ! here Alfred had stopped in air. The 
 hole is still above, the earth below ; no motion is 
 made either way. He hallooed loudly ; the melancholy 
 echoes rolled round the cavern, answering, but without 
 sympathy. He painfully peered down, but saw^ nobody. 
 And so he must hang till our next chapter.
 
 MB. sxigsby's yacht. 231 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 To be perched in an undulating, cane-bottomed chair, 
 sixty feet above the level of the earth, before the cavern 
 of an ancient tyrant, cannot be said to be a pleasant 
 situation for a cockney. There is something in London 
 life which unfits one for adventure. You are so 
 thoroughly secured by the protection of the law, so 
 entirely reliant on the police, and so walled in by the 
 tranquil homeliness of commerce, that you lose some 
 natural manliness. You have not the vigour of the 
 ancient life, when a man held his tenure of safety 
 direct from nature, and not from the joint-stock assur- 
 ance company of society. One's ancestors, who had a 
 Black Douglas in his castle a few miles off, must have 
 felt more vividly, I imagine, than we do ; their blood 
 was a stronger brew. To be sure, we nowadays are 
 more comfortable — but we know how much the capon 
 loses to qualify him for getting fat I 
 
 Mr. Alfred Snigsby peered round more anxiously 
 than ever, when he heard no answer to his shout. His 
 legs dangled absurdly, and a slight breeze arising, he 
 began to turn uncommonly like a spitted goose. But 
 here Mr. Flower came running down the glen at full 
 speed. 
 
 " Snicrsbv 
 
 » 55 
 
 Yes. What's the matter?" shouted Alfred, anxiously.
 
 232 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 " All right. Lower away there." 
 
 Alfred felt himself descending, and was delighted to 
 reach terra jirma. 
 
 " What has been up, old fellow ? " he asked. 
 
 " Up I A covey of partridges, to be sure. Why, 
 Jigger and I have been across three fields after the red- 
 legged villains, saw them down alongside a kind of 
 fence, put them up — missed. The fact is, you can't do 
 anything without dogs. It's no go." 
 
 " Yes, that may be true," said Alfred ; " but I have 
 been dangling all the time." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, old fellow ; these confounded 
 guides would bolt after us, to see the fun." 
 
 Alfred stretched himself, considerably relieved, for 
 he had begun to have a faint suspicion that something 
 had happened serious. Perhaps he thought that Dio- 
 nysius had seized his friends for trespassing. One 
 might study a long time in the school of Brickies with- 
 out having much more knowledge than the fear would 
 imply. 
 
 There was now, to use the Snigsbsean phrase, 
 which generally made its appearance at all places 
 they visited, ^^ nothing more to see." What we see, 
 my dear Snigsby, will depend on the eyes we bring 
 to it. I can testify, from personal observation, that the 
 prison of Socrates consists of three small caves, with a 
 round hole in the top of the middle one. It would not 
 occupy four lines of the inventory of a broker, but I 
 found no want of something to see there. The Brickies 
 school of travellers and writers always count the items 
 like shopboys, as, indeed, they some of them have 
 been. They tell you that the Parthenon only consists 
 of a moderate number of defaced columns. Very true ; 
 and man is a two-legged animal, with a round head.
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 233 
 
 only that he is plus a soul, as people will one day find 
 out. 
 
 The guides were paid. Flower stood for a moment 
 before the cavern moralising. His laugh rolled all 
 round the strange walls, as he turned away. The 
 sound might suggest moralising to others ; it was the 
 laugh typical of the youth and the satire of modern 
 Europe, and in all the caverns of the past that laugh is 
 raising, and will raise — thunder ! 
 
 They mounted their mules and ambled towards the 
 the town again. At the shore they saw a fine mulberry 
 tree. Under the deep, dark green leaves, the rich 
 black berries were sweltering, ripe, pouting at you, 
 like the lips of a young ^thiop. Flower's eye fell on 
 it. He gave a wild exclamation as he approached, and 
 then he bargained with the proprietor to be allowed to 
 perch himself there " like a cormorant," and devour 
 ad libitum for a shilling. Neither Alfred nor Jigger 
 felt inclined to join. So the youth mounted the tree 
 with the aid of a " back " from Alfred, and there he 
 sat, perfectly happy, for three quarters of an hour, and 
 came down with a mouth as bloody as a cannibal's. 
 The others, indeed, accelerated his descent, by shout- 
 ing to him — they were lying on the grass (smoking of 
 course), hard by — that there was a fair wind. Indeed, 
 it was high time to take advantage of this circumstance, 
 and be off again to Malta. So they left shore without 
 calling on the consul even, which was a strange omis- 
 sion, for Herbert Flower usually exacted the official 
 attention paid to people of mature years. He would 
 have liked to have gone to dinner at the consulate in 
 full dress — to have talked politics with the functionary, 
 to have finished a bottle of port at dessert, and to have 
 gone up stairs to tea and flirtation with the family.
 
 234 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 Once more they gained the Paragon's deck. Blobb ! 
 Where was Blobb ?" 
 
 '' I shouldn't wonder if he's gone to see the antiqui- 
 ties !" said Jigger, with a laugh. (And why not, my 
 dear Jigger ?) 
 
 " Ha ! ha !" laughed Alfred ; " that's a good idea." 
 
 Mr. Blobb made his appearance just at dusk. He 
 was somewhat red in the face, and confused in his 
 ideas. Indeed, he spoke of the vessel as the Dream, 
 and appeared to fancy that he was still sailing that 
 remarkable yacht for Lord Blory. Blobb cherished 
 the memory of his lordship with real affection. Lord 
 Blory lived half his life afloat, luxuriously enjoying 
 himself all over the world. He was the last of a long 
 line, desperately impoverished, and too proud (bless 
 him for that !) to marry for money. How he managed 
 to go on as he did, made those who knew his fortune 
 wonder. But some people do with their ancestors as 
 the papists do with their saints — work miracles Avith 
 their relics. And Blory did go on very comfortably, 
 till the skull over his hatchment in Grosvenor-street 
 informed the connoisseurs in heraldry that the race was 
 
 extinct ; and the family vault in shire opened for 
 
 the last time. 
 
 " Weigh, Mr. Blobb," said Alfred, with a calm air 
 of command. Mr. Blobb gave the needful orders, 
 going about shaking his head with a maudlin expres- 
 sion. The anchor was raised, and the yacht glided 
 away in the twilight. Luckily, there was a good 
 fresh breeze right on the quarter, and so she held on 
 straight for Malta. They passed nothing that night but 
 a few speronari, beating back to Sicily from Yaletta 
 harbour. As they neared Malta they fell in with the 
 Roarer, Captain Bulrush, hovering about with appa-
 
 ME. snigsby's yacht. 235 
 
 rently no distinct object. Bulrush was the comic 
 Vanderdecken of the ocean; his brig the Roarer was 
 the comic phantom ship. Destiny had apparently 
 decreed that he should expiate his sins by cruising 
 about with too much sail on — in a state of beer. He 
 was sometimes hovering about for days, when he ought 
 to have been in harbour. One of the most touching 
 tldngs in story is the fate of the flying Dutchman — 
 but only think of the fate of the flying Dutchman's 
 creditors ! The Bulrush hailed the yacht — but Flower 
 sternly " stood on," and in an hour they were at the 
 harbour's mouth. 
 
 So in the yacht swam, hauling down the gafl" topsail, 
 and swimming along slowly. Before them the harbour 
 stretched away gleaming — glittering like a sword 
 sheathed in the stone scabbard of the white island. 
 The marina was fringed with vessels with their sails 
 loosed. The men of war, too, had loosed their sails, to 
 have the thin night dew on them burned up by the 
 scorchino; sun of the noon. And such a noon ! It 
 made the almond trees languid, and put fever in the 
 blood of the blood-orano-es. 
 
 The Paragon glided almost close under the stern of 
 the Intolerable ; and on the poop was visible the gleam 
 of a green parasol — a parasol green as the veil of a 
 houri, if Mrs. Snigsby, its possessor, will permit me 
 the rather " improper " comparison. Alfred saw at 
 once that she was anxiously awaiting him, and had 
 been sufi'ering what is called "great mental uneasi- 
 ness." If one could calculate the number of relatives 
 who are sufFering that well known pain from similar 
 causes at this moment, one would have an odd statis- 
 tical return ; and next, one would like to know the 
 aggregate cost of their luncheons.
 
 236 MR. 
 
 The Paragon anchored — a great deal nearer the In- 
 tolerable than Mr. Flower liked. The commander was 
 now to be faced, and two nights' absence accounted for. 
 It was no use now to get up a story about sudden illness 
 at the house of the Blocklys, who would not let you go. 
 No, no. The yacht's return had been duly reported by 
 the signal officer at the commander's particular request. 
 So on board Mr. Flower walked with as much coolness 
 as was consistent with his visions of " stopped leave" 
 
 and a "wigging." Commander was a perfect 
 
 artist at wigging. If you argued with him during the 
 operation, it made him worse. If you said openly, 
 with the most polite submissiveness, " Well sir, it 
 shan't happen again," he came down on you like a shot 
 with — " Not with impunity, sir ! " 
 
 But the commander was not on deck, and some very 
 extraordinary operations were going on there — opera- 
 tions of a character not very nautical. Let us fancy 
 that Alfred has been embraced by his mamma on the 
 poop, to his unutterable confusion, publicly, and look 
 round us. The quarter-deck guns were rolled forward 
 (by the bye, a certain captain once capsized them to 
 teach the marines to march over rough ground !), and 
 the ropes all coiled up and off the deck ; and beds — 
 new beds from the purser's stores — were strewn about, 
 among an infinite variety of flags. I regret to add that 
 a number of little lamps, such as one usually associates 
 with the idea of Yauxhall, were lying in a row on the 
 poop. 
 
 " Why, hallo ! " said Flower, seeing the confusion 
 around, " is there an execution in the ship ? " 
 
 There was a loud laugh at this notion from a group 
 of officers who were standing by the gangway ; and, 
 indeed, there was a certain Titanic jocosity in the
 
 ME. snigsby's yacht. 237 
 
 notion of anybody's "putting a man in" a three decker! 
 It showed a cheerful disposition in a youth who had 
 " broken his leave " by forty-eight hours. 
 
 " Hillo, Phenomenon ! Ah, Flower of Flory ! how- 
 are you ? " were the various salutations which greeted 
 him. 
 
 '•' All right. Where's old " 
 
 Old approached a moment afterwards. 
 
 "Come on board, siiV said Flower. "I regret 
 ex—*' 
 
 " Of course, of course," interrupted the commander, 
 " you are always regretting something. You could not 
 get back before the gale, of course not. You were 
 obliged to help a ship in distress — " 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir — " 
 
 "' Of course, you beg my pardon — but why incur 
 the necessity of doing so? No. You were enjoying 
 your curacoa," said the commander awfully imitating 
 what he fancied a dandy tone of voice — " ongtre vose, 
 amee!" he added — and really he burlesqued French 
 perfectly. 
 
 The Phenomenon looked very demure. 
 
 " Well, go away," said the commander, " go away, 
 Mr. Flower." 
 
 Lucky Herbert Flower ! For an approaching event 
 had cast something pleasanter than a shadow before. 
 The Intolerable, in fact — but — this is the proper 
 moment to invoke the shade of Benbow. Shade of 
 Benbow, then — the Intolerable was going to give a 
 ball! 
 
 This was why the guns were rolled forward, and 
 the very capstan was unshipped ; why the flags were 
 dragged from below, &c. The beds and flags were to 
 be made into ottomans on the hatchways, duly shut
 
 238 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 with gratings. The officers were "on hospitable thoughts 
 intent." The ship was expecting her orders to come 
 home soon, and they resolved to leave behind them the 
 fragrance of a hospitable memory. The Snigsbys were 
 invited, and accepted very cordially the invitation. 
 It was extraordinary to see how good solid Mr. 
 Snigsby pardoned by this time the playful extrava- 
 gances of naval life. Often had he, in full vestry, 
 indignantly denounced an idle navy! Often had he 
 fiercely inquired — backed, too, by the luminous Snogg 
 — why the Mediterranean fleet was not sent to sea ? 
 Not unfrequently he had hinted that the service was 
 kept up to support an oligarchy. But now he found 
 these monsters " fattening on the vitals of the people " 
 to be just a good natured, gentlemanly, oflF-handed set 
 of fellows, ready to give dinners or eat them, with 
 anybody thrown in their way. Mr. Snigsby could 
 not hate them — no, he gladly accepted the present 
 invitation. 
 
 The preparations proceeded on board the Intolerable. 
 The little lamps gradually assumed the form of the 
 letters V. R. The main deck was prepared for the 
 supper, everybody declaring it the proper plac 3, always 
 excepting Bob Ruggles, the second master, whose 
 wishes not running in the ball way, led him to con- 
 demn the proceeding as contrary to all discipline. And 
 there was still a wound rankling in the breast of Bob. 
 When the Intolerable was at Naples, some time before 
 this, the officers were asked to a royal ball. But the 
 second master and master's assistants — indeed the genus 
 Bung (to use the naval name) were not included. Bob 
 went about the ship, indignantly inquiring " why ? " to 
 the inextinguishable delight of Herbert Flower and the 
 other youngsters. Herbert caused great amusement
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 239 
 
 by tlie refined impertinence with whicli he consoled 
 Bob on the occasion. 
 
 " It's all part of a confounded system, Bob/' he said, 
 " I myself don't approve of these social distinctions, 
 you know (here he shrugged his little shoulders inimi- 
 tably), a mere antiquated affair, but somehow things are 
 all based on 'em. Eh, Rivers ? " 
 
 " But what do you mean. Flower, hey ? Ain't I 
 aboard of this ship as an officer and a gentleman, and 
 equal to anybody ? " 
 
 It was glorious to see the little villains gazing se- 
 riously on Bob. 
 
 "Why of course you're an officer and a gentleman. 
 Bob. I suppose, you know it is some confounded con- 
 sideration of family. I say nothing, Bob, only you 
 know the nature of the aristocracy. Bob." 
 
 And so poor Ruggles went away with a burning 
 heart from his affectionate sympathisers, who roared 
 jovially over the incident, as they smoked the evening 
 cigar. Of course Bob Ruggles could not be expected 
 to love balls or the sort of people who frequent them. 
 
 Everybody was asked to this ball, that was one 
 comfort. The captain's cabin was abundantly supplied 
 with refreshments for the benefit of quiet old fellows — 
 fellows whose dancing days are over, and who just talk 
 about professional points and sporting over sherry, and 
 leave their daughters to " amuse themselves." The 
 dusk came on, and then boat after boat began to leave 
 the shore and the ships. Luckily, it was a beautiful 
 night — so thankfully ejaculated Mrs. Snigsby, as she 
 wrapped herself in an immense shawl, and leant back 
 in a shore boat. So thankfully ejaculated Alfred, 
 putting on his gloves in ditto. Mr. Snigsby said 
 nothing ; he had a notion that it was chilly, but how
 
 240 
 
 could^lie venture to say that a Mediterranean night was 
 chilly before Mrs. S. ? 
 
 " Bless me I" exclaimed Mrs. Snigsby, as they gained 
 the deck, shrouded in with awnings, brilliant with 
 flags, and glittering with lights. " Bless me ! you 
 would never think it was a man of war !" 
 
 " Never, at any time, my dear madam !" said Herbert 
 Flower, politely offering his arm, and looking like a 
 pigmy by the side of her majestic form. 
 
 Two or three people within hearing of the Phenome- 
 non chuckled. The commander, w^ho guessed that it 
 was a sarcasm, from the distance, summoned Mr. 
 Flower to him. 
 
 *^ Not quite so conspicuous, Mr. Flower. Not quite 
 so conspicuous, sir !" he said, with his loftiest manner. 
 
 Herbert was annoyed, he did not like to be snubbed 
 — and that, too, just as little Lucy Beddoes was passing 
 by. Lucy Beddoes was a " nice little girl," according 
 to Flower's phraseology. 
 
 " Isn't it a shame ?" he said to her, when he got her 
 arm. " That's the way we're treated, you see, in this 
 profession." 
 
 " I hope he has not hurt your feelings," said Lucy, 
 simply. 
 
 " Hurt the — (he was almost saying hurt the devil). 
 Hurt my feelings ! No. He bores me, though, by 
 his confounded impertinence. Ah ! Snigsby ! Let me 
 introduce my friend, Mr. Alfred Snigsby." 
 
 Alfred was superbly dressed. Lucy Beddoes knew 
 they had a yacht. Alfred had a very gracious little 
 bow. She could not help respecting a youth of *^ ex- 
 pectations" — not that she was an atom mercenary, only 
 helpless, poor thing ! You observe that girls must, 
 many of them, put love out of the question, nowadays.
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 241 
 
 Political economy demands it — and is not that an 
 answer to everything ? 
 
 Alfred's mamma called him away at that moment. 
 
 " Well, how do you like my friend Snigsby ?" said 
 Flower, chucklincy. 
 
 " He is very nicely dressed," said Lucy, demurely. 
 
 " A great deal of money, I assure you," Flower said ; 
 " and he is the only child. What say you ? Let's go 
 halves !" 
 
 '•' For shame !" said the girl, laughing, and blushing 
 a little. 
 
 " I'm serious ! We'll divide him between us. You 
 shall have half the money, and him into the bargain !" 
 
 But here began the music, and interrupted the pure 
 playfulness of this child of nature. The company were 
 crowding the deck. You were sheltered by a high 
 awning, and by flags of all hues. The effect was a 
 bright lightness — the temperature delicious. Nature 
 helped the artificial to perfection. You got just enough 
 air to keep you pleasantly cool. If there happened to 
 be a rent in the spacious trembling roof, you saw a star 
 through it — and the champagne must have been bad if 
 you could not say something pretty to your partner 
 apropos of that I Unless, to be sure, she was the daughter 
 of a captain in command, and too conscious of her high 
 rank to encourage any playfulness of observation. 
 
 Flirtation — were the subject treated (not by a cock- 
 nev parvenu, of course) by some gentleman and scholar 
 with humour, sentiment, and sense — would afPord mat- 
 ter for a delightful essay. Willis would be a dash too 
 flippant ; Sir Edward is becoming a little too grave ; 
 and Thackeray would tinge it with the melancholy of 
 his deep reflection. But really, flirtation deserves a 
 commentator. It bears the same relation to love, that 
 
 VOL. I. M
 
 242 3IR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 a belief in fairies does to religion. One might compare 
 it to the old tournaments, mimicries of real war — but 
 not only mimicries — dangerous wounds have been re- 
 ceived at many a "gentle passage of arms/' as the 
 old writers called them. Flirtation is distinctly to be 
 commended. Is it not a recognition, though but in 
 sportiveness, of the existence of that divine sentiment 
 which relates the sexes to each other ? 'Tis an escape 
 from the too solid realities of " fortunes " and " expec- 
 tations" — a playful butterfly flight over their iron 
 walls. And flirtation will reveal to you, perhaps, the 
 higher sentiment in time. Franklin discovered the 
 relation between lightning and electricity by a simple 
 schoolboy kite. Much has been learnt about love's 
 heaven by the playful idling of flirtation. 
 
 But to return — for the band on the poop is playing 
 away merrily. The quadrilles are crowded. The 
 " youngsters " are enjoying themselves immensely — 
 excepting those of the Borderer, for Captain Plebbe 
 makes them dance Avith his plain daughters — "to a 
 man, sir, every one of us," says little Jogg, protesting 
 that it is disgraceful. The quarter-deck is walled in 
 from the ship's crew, but they peer through interstices 
 — the grave boatswain looking at the flying damsels 
 with the mingled awe and merriment of Tam o' Shanter 
 at the Kirk of Alloway. " Stand back, there !" says 
 Toadyley, to a sailor or two who are inclined to obtrude 
 on the hallowed ground. Toadyley wants to know 
 "what things are coming to," when the aristocracy 
 can be subjected to this kind of thing ? Indeed, the 
 poor fellow had plenty to do ; for Toadyley began by 
 disposing of all the shawls with the carefulness of a 
 counterjumper ; then he had to set down a snug 
 sherry and loo party in a quiet cabin ; then he had to
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 243 
 
 blow up the mess stewards, who were preparing for the 
 supper — to find partners (which was not easy) for the 
 commander's maiden aunt — to take care that nobody 
 under the rank of a lieutenant presumed to ask the 
 baronet's wife to dance — and to keep the editor of the 
 Popgun from premature intoxication. And Toadyley 
 did the work of a waiter so well, you would never 
 have thought he was a gentleman, I assure you. 
 
 A polka — there was some rapture about a polka, in 
 those early days — had just concluded. Alfred had 
 been dancino; with Lucv Beddoes, and reallv she could 
 be verv acrreeable if she liked. Herbert and one or 
 two youths were moving about near them. They 
 approached. 
 
 " Well, and have you enjoyed yourself, Alfred ?" 
 asked Mr. Flower, paternally. 
 
 '' Yes," said Alfred. 
 
 " And you. Miss Beddoes, eh ?" 
 
 " Oh, yes I very much," Lucy answered ; " where is 
 papa ?" 
 
 "Playing at your namesake — loo. Alfred, I must 
 introduce you to Captain Beddoes." Alfred said 
 he would be very happy, though he was a little 
 frightened. 
 
 But at this time Jigger mysteriously withdrew his 
 friend Herbert from the group. 
 
 " Come alonjj," he said, " there are a few of us o-oino- 
 to have a snug glass of bitter beer in the gun room. 
 I'm hot and bothered." 
 
 Herbert was just going to assent, but his eye caught 
 the figure of a lady on the poop. It is so delight- 
 fully cool there on these occasions, when the night 
 is lovely ! Herbert quietly glided away. Tlie lady 
 was sitting on a chair by herself — Mrs. Plumer her 
 
 M 2
 
 244 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 name was ; a widow travellincr to " forget " — and 
 succeeding. 
 
 Mrs. Plumer was a very clever woman, and de- 
 cidedly good looking — well shaped, decisive features, 
 she had. She liked Flower as a "character," and 
 motioned to him to sit down beside her. 
 
 " Ah ! good evening," said Flower. " I did not 
 know jou were on board. I have not seen you for a 
 long time." 
 
 " My father has not been well." 
 
 " I hope he's getting better. I am just come to have 
 a chat with you. This is the place for flirting, you 
 know, Mrs. Plumer. I can flirt with perfect safety. 
 Flory is deeply mortgaged — and nobody would, could, 
 or should accept me, unless they had plenty of money. 
 I should like to water our ancestral roses with a shower 
 of gold!" 
 
 " That's a romantic sentiment, I am sure, Mr. Her- 
 bert Flower." 
 
 " It is a perfectly truthful one, believe me. Now if 
 I had the wealth of my friend Snigsby" — and Herbert 
 gave a pompous burlesque accent to the three words. 
 
 " Snigsby — what a curious name ! Are they new 
 arrivals here ?" 
 
 " Not particularly new, but they are very rich. 
 Came in their own yacht." 
 
 " Is there not a Miss Snigsby ?" asked the lady. 
 
 " No. By the bye, he ought to have a sister ! But 
 I wonder you have never met them." 
 
 " Why, we have not been much out, lately. You 
 know, we moved from our old place." 
 
 " I didn't know that." 
 
 " Yes, to Strada Sottas 
 
 Flower gave a little start. " Let me see, leads out
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 245 
 
 of the Strada Reale towards the Quarantine harbour, 
 don't it ? " 
 
 " Just so. And by the bye, now I think of it," said 
 Mrs. Plumer, laughing slightly and colouring a little, 
 " an odd thing happened there a w^eek or two ago." 
 She paused and laughed again. " One night after I 
 had been playing — but I must tell you first that a day 
 or two before that I had once or twice met an English 
 youth in the street — " 
 
 There was an exquisite gravity about Flower at 
 that moment. " What manner of youth ?" he asked. 
 
 "Rather tall and what you call 'loud' in his dress. 
 He might be a gentleman who was silly, or a bagman 
 who was ambitious." 
 
 Flower covered his face with his pocket handerchief, 
 as if his nose had begun to bleed. Suddenly he jumped 
 up with a " pray excuse me," and ran down the poop 
 ladder I A dance was just over, and the group break- 
 ing up. He met Jigger. 
 
 " Where is young Snigsby ? " he asked. 
 
 " Saw" him just this moment. There he is !" 
 
 Flower went in the direction indicated, and found 
 Alfred sittins: on one of the ottomans arrancjed on the 
 hatchway gratings, next a comfortable old lady, who 
 occupied the entire double-headed eagle of Russia with 
 her portly person. He was glad to get away. Flower 
 was waiting to introduce him to a most agreeable 
 person. He must come. Mrs. Snigsby who watched 
 him from a distance, and who, by the bye, was very 
 gloomy herself — while Snigsby, pere, had doomed an 
 elderly gentleman to a dose of the currency — felt quite 
 crlad to see her son receive so much attention. 
 
 " This way, old fellow," said Herbert, leadmg him 
 to Mrs. Plumer.
 
 246 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 Alfred stopped short and turned deadly pale. Mrs. 
 Plumer saw the whole case in a moment, and bowed 
 most simply. 
 
 "I see, Mr. Flower," Alfred said. "I see it all. 
 I'm a gentleman — although — " he stuttered and 
 gasped horribly. " It's too bad — " 
 
 Flower took hold of his wrist, and pulled him 
 round. 
 
 " Hush, man, for God's sake mind what you are 
 about!" 
 
 " It's the change of air from the quarter-deck, Mrs. 
 Plumer, that affects him." 
 
 ^' Pray sit down, Mr. Snigsby," she said kindly. 
 " What a beautiful night it is." 
 
 Her manner was exquisitely contrived to make him 
 fancy she was utterly ignorant of the cause of his agi- 
 tation. How Flower admired her for it. 
 
 Alfred stammered out, " I have been a little ill." 
 And sitting down, he began to feel quieter, and to 
 feel attracted as he had felt when he first saw her. 
 " He thought — " well, she does not remember me, 
 really." 
 
 For Mr. Alfred (Brickies and Co., behold your 
 pupil !) had no great opinion of the female intellect, 
 poor fellow. And then, with the most innocent folly, 
 he began babbling away quite freely to the lady, 
 who laughed — not at his jokes, but at his sad mis- 
 take. 
 
 Herbert Flower, who had been afraid of a scene at 
 first, enjoyed the present phase immensely. 
 
 And at that moment a sensation began on deck, like 
 the commotion in the theatre at Pompeii, in Bulwer's 
 novel, when Arbaces pointed to the smoke issuing from 
 Vesuvius, for everybody heard the word " Supper !"
 
 MR. SXIGSBY'S yacht. 24' 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Mr. Herbert Flower bounded away to take down 
 little Lucy Beddoes. Mr. Alfred Snigsby offered his 
 arm to Mrs. Plumer, and off they went together. He 
 was in a pleasurable tumult of excitement, poor fellow, 
 what in a merrier mood he would have called spooney. 
 It is observable that the school of Brickies, who see 
 nothing holy in any sentiment, are always made greater 
 fools by what elevates the rest of the world. The gods 
 are just and avenge themselves on the proper occasion. 
 When the Bricklesian writers, for example, give up 
 pertness for pathos, the dogs become as common-place 
 as mutes. When they try poetry or love matters, they 
 describe like auctioneers, and introduce us to dowdies. 
 It is their consummate misfortune that they cannot 
 get out of their own offensive briskness without becom- 
 ing bores. 
 
 Alfred really became the very thing he most emphati- 
 cally contemned, a muff, on this occasion. He had 
 not the inclination to try his lively style of conversa- 
 tion. Mrs. Plumer, too, saw farther into everything 
 he started as a subject than himself, and bewildered 
 him immensely. All he knew was that he admired 
 her very much ; that he had a great anxiety to keep 
 talking to her, without knowing what to talk about ; 
 and that he was helpless. Somehow he did not seem
 
 248 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 to advance at all with his attachment. She resisted 
 him by some unseen influence, like that which one has 
 read of as keeping off intruders from particular rooms in 
 enchanted castles. He would have liked just to be able 
 to say, ^^ I love you. / shall have an immense deal of 
 money, much more than those nobs there. Be mine 
 and marry me ! " I am far from supposing, by the bye, 
 that such a straigtforward course, would not please 
 many lovely beings; nay, I am not certain that it would 
 not be a much more respectable way of doing things 
 than the ordinary one. But we could not expect Alfred 
 to set such an example of originality. No — there 
 he stood (a good deal in the way of some of the 
 guests) the Tantalus of the banquet. 
 
 Meanwhile the said banquet was going on very 
 bravely. A few sturdy revellers whom nobody had 
 seen till it began, were mauling the architecture of 
 jellies and raised pies, like Turks among the Acro- 
 polis. Captain Plebbe, of the Borderer, kept his 
 youngsters pretty busily employed supplying the be- 
 fore-mentioned plain daughters with all " the delicacies 
 of the season," as the Popgun of course called the 
 dishes. The poor boys attracted a good deal of atten- 
 tion among observant people in consequence, and 
 Herbert Flower made an immense sensation by call- 
 ing out " waiter ! " to one of them in a marked man- 
 ner. The youngster was in a furious rage of course 
 — several people laughed. As for Plebbe he was 
 perfectly savage, and glared on Mr. Flower like a 
 demon. 
 
 "Really, you ought to be more careful about the 
 opinion of your superiors," said Miss Beddoes to Her- 
 bert. 
 
 " My superiors," said Herbert, " indeed !"
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 249 
 
 ^^ Now, yon know lie is your superior, Herbert," said 
 the sensible Lncy, whose papa was a very worthy 
 captain of artillery. 
 
 " He is a captain, if you mean that, of course. But 
 his rank as Plehhe is not equal to my rank as Flower^' 
 said the youth majestically. " Plebbe is who knows 
 who, somewhere about Portsmouth ; I am Flower of 
 Flory I I quarter the shields of peers, and I date 
 from Edward the First!" and so saying Mr. Flower 
 tossed ofP a glass of champagne with the air of an 
 emperor. 
 
 After all, the sentiment embodied in the young gen- 
 tleman's speech has an existence afloat, nor is the said 
 existence favourable to discipline. When the service 
 does go to the devil, as we are told by so many worthy 
 officers that it will, depend on it, it will be at its most 
 aristocratic stage. 
 
 Lucy smiled, and shook her head. She knew Flory 
 well. Her father had once been stationed at the neigh- 
 bouring county town. Flower senior had twice written 
 to Herbert to tell him to be very civil to the Beddoeses, 
 and not to fall in love with Lucy, whatever he did. 
 
 " Look at your friend Snigsby," she said, smiling. 
 Flower glanced along the table. Alfred was the picture 
 of spooniness, as his school call it, and the fair widow 
 was talking with uncommon animation to a group round 
 her. One often wonders how some survivors must 
 tremble at the word resurgam on a hatchment ! To 
 be sure, it nowadays generally passes for meaning 
 nothing. 
 
 One more polka ! The supper table was a splendid 
 wreck, and the deck strewed with crushed flowers here 
 and there. There was a dim feeling of chilliness coining 
 
 M 3
 
 250 ME. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 on on deck too. The daylight came faintly over the 
 island, and a stray breeze came freshly in, cool from 
 miles of sea. The awning had fallen in at one part, 
 and the flags shifted from their places in disorderly 
 gandiness. There was a general murmur about shawds, 
 and the necessity of getting boats ready. " Ship^s boats 
 indeed, ha ! — to land dancers, ha !" Such was the 
 growl of the bung, from his hammock in the cockpit, 
 as he heard the " pipe " sound. Herbert Flower put 
 on his friend Lucy's shawl, playfully and fraternally. 
 I am afraid he never thought, as the youths wdio lead 
 Herbert Flower-ish lives ought to think, of the sad 
 contrast between themselves and pure, fine-hearted 
 girls. Flower escorted her to a boat, in company 
 with her father, who had just emerged from the snug 
 cabin. The old gentleman was very red and silent, 
 and apparently firmly brooding over something which 
 employed his whole faculties. He leaned rather heavily 
 on the arm, considering what a light little arm it was, 
 which Lucy held to him as he stept into the boat. So 
 far Herbert saw ; half-an-hour afterwards you might 
 have seen a little figure, like a happy ghost, gliding 
 aw^ay with papa's candle — leaving papa snoring in safety 
 — and putting papa's Seltzer water within reach — and 
 then retiring to its own place of rest — the happy beau- 
 tiful ghost ! 
 
 The Litolerable's deck w^as a scene of confusion, and 
 pale faces, and limp curls. Boat after boat was sent 
 away full, and the ship's boats being insufiicient in 
 number, shore boats were summoned. 
 
 " Paragon's boat !" shouted Alfred from the gang- 
 way, with the air of a naval captain. That villain 
 Blobb had sent the dingy only ! How could that boat 
 take on shore the family — plus, Mrs. Plumer, and a
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 251 
 
 female friend, to ^liom the gallant Alfred offered a 
 passage ? At last Blobb sent — nothing excited Blobb 
 to unseemly haste — the large boat. 
 
 In they all got, and off went the boat, keeping along- 
 side another one loaded with merry guests. A young 
 gentleman of the Rifles gaily threw off an operatic 
 burst of song. Alfred was in the highest spirits, 
 burning with conceit, and with that liquid embodied 
 conceit — champagne. 
 
 " Boat there ; out of the way, that boat !" 
 
 A green and red shore boat came heavily steering — 
 apparently right at the Paragon's boat. 
 
 "Yes," resumed Alfred — and off he went with a 
 youp, youp, youp, tra la la, la la ! So I presume to 
 attempt the notation of a remarkable chorus, at all 
 events. 
 
 " Jleester Sneegshy," cried a Maltese voice from the 
 strange boat ; " Meester Sneegshy, pay me, signor /" 
 
 If the reader has never heard the peculiar shrill 
 " pay " or " poy " me of the Maltese — I hope he never 
 may ! There is an unearthly mingled with a Hebraic 
 twang in it, impossible to describe — and equally im- 
 possible to tolerate. 
 
 Both boats of guests were astonished. " Keep that 
 fellow ofP. Break his head!" cried somebody. 
 
 " I owe no man a shilling, sir," cried Mr. Snigsby. 
 
 " No sar — de tall young gentleman, sir ! Meester 
 Sneegshy P' 
 
 Alfred rose up in the boat. His face grew ghastly 
 in the daylight — the fresh ^Mediterranean daylight. 
 
 Pay me for bring de ladder to Strada Sotta, Meester 
 Sneegshy /" 
 
 What a catastrophe ! Alfred distinctly remembered 
 that there was a balance — a balance due the Maltese
 
 252 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 from that night of humiliation. He was sobered, and 
 
 shivered ; stammered out something — flung some money 
 into the terrible boat — more money by far than he even 
 needed to have paid. 
 
 There was a silence as they passed on. Poor Mrs. 
 Snigsby. Alfred's heart bled — to do him justice — as 
 he saw her white handkerchief employed. Mrs. Plu- 
 mer's veil was down ; she said nothing — appeared to 
 hear nothing. Mr. Snigsby leaned back in his seat, 
 and looked like a condemned criminal. 
 
 There was not much jollity after this event. Some 
 rumour about the ladder story had oozed out. The 
 hero was now revealed. However amused the gentle- 
 men were, they could not laugh ; the ladies of course 
 were '^shocked." But soon the boats reached the 
 landing place. 
 
 There they separated into parties, and the time came 
 to bid Mrs. Plumer good night. She was a strong 
 minded woman ; she found two minutes in which to 
 speak to Mr. Alfred " two words." 
 
 ^' I shall not, I suppose," Alfred said, ruefully, " see 
 you — see you — again, Mrs. Plumer." 
 
 " Candidly," said Mrs. Plumer, *' I fear not — under 
 the circumstances. My father — " 
 
 Alfred's jaw fell. He remembered the stout old 
 gentleman ! 
 
 " Then I shall not, I suppose, accompany you to 
 the door?" 
 
 " No," said Mrs. Plumer — nor the window, I hope." 
 
 For the life of her, Mrs. Plumer could not resist that 
 parting shot. The groups separated. And off went 
 the Snigsbys home. 
 
 " I wish I was dead," Alfred broke silence with as 
 they strolled home.
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 253 
 
 " You're in a fair way to obtain your wishes, sir," 
 said his father. 
 
 " Don't be cruel to him, Mr. Snigsby," said his 
 mother. "Poor Alf!" 
 
 " I don't want to be called Alf — I'm too old for 
 these absurdities." 
 
 " And ought to be, sir, for your other ones," said 
 his father, again. Mr. Snigsby once more had the best 
 of it. 
 
 This last event decided Mr. Snigsby, who reflected 
 on the matter, that they ought to take a cruise. He 
 was getting tired of Malta. Those who remember his 
 late exertions in the great "papal aggression" question 
 will know how often he alluded to his own " personal 
 observation of the effects of a debasing superstition." 
 The fact is Mr. Snigsby was bored by the bells of 
 Malta and sick of the sight of shovel hats. Mr. Fatton 
 of St. Kilderkin, though courteous, was not now cordial 
 altogether. "No man respected Mr. Snigsby more," 
 he said, it is true — and nobody can deny that he re- 
 ceived his donation to the church in a friendly spirit ! 
 But still the Snigsbys were only "good worldly people," 
 in the Reverend Mr. Fatton's parlance. " Well mean- 
 ing people, undoubtedly," little Fatton added, "but — !" 
 Somehow they wanted that sable bloom which distin- 
 guished the Fatton clique. And the little fat-headed 
 man, though most polite when they met, came not to 
 the hospitable rooms in Strada Reale so often as before. 
 Possibly Mr. Fatton had doubts about the state of Mr. 
 Snigsby's soul : possibly he was too much occupied with 
 taking care of his own — though there was not so very 
 much of it. 
 
 Then the squadron were going to sea for a cruise. 
 And some people thought it was quite time. The
 
 254 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 youngsters were sadly dunned. Alfred was on board 
 the Intolerable one morning, when an unhappy Maltese 
 was pelted in the cockpit with clothes brushes. 
 
 Accordingly, orders were sent on board to Blobb — 
 Blobb the stately — to prepare for sea. " They never 
 knows their own minds," said the sulky veteran, 
 " never for a hinstant !" But he went growling about 
 and doing what was needful. 
 
 The squadron were all lying with top-gallant yards 
 crossed, and the studding-sail gear rove — to speak 
 nautically. The admiral issued a long unreadable 
 general order about discipline, and sent the fleet to sea 
 under the senior captain — remaining on shore himself. 
 There was a fine scene of activity one morning. The 
 Intolerable bumped against the Regina; the Bustard 
 let a top-gallant yard tumble down, and it went bang 
 through the deck ; the Lotos got aground ; the Strukl- 
 brug split a sail. Out they all got, however, ultimately, 
 and commenced sailing in columns — which order they 
 maintained by the aid of the senior captain perpetually 
 signalling certain ships to "keep their station" — which, 
 with ships as with families, is just the most difficult thing 
 to get done with accuracy. As often as the signal was 
 made, so often the captain "w^igged" the lieutenant — the 
 lieutenant the midshipman ; " the cat began to worry 
 the rat, the rat began to — " &c., according to the well 
 known process among cats, rats, and men. 
 
 Mr. Blobb made the necessary preparations, and the 
 Snigsbys once more embarked on the sea. It was 
 evening when they went on board the yacht. Mr. 
 Blobb had mounted the "green patch" again over his 
 eye. There was something mysterious about that 
 patch, and it seemed to bode no good.
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 255 
 
 Thej were to start next morning, after " a good 
 night's sleep." But what was Mr. Snigsby's astonish- 
 ment when waking in the middle of the night, he heard 
 — not " the night fowl crow," as Tennyson's Mariana 
 did about that time, but a louder and more disagreeable 
 hubbub. There was a shuffling noise indeed audible. 
 Mr. Snigsby shuffled on some clothes, crawled up 
 stairs (to use his own phrase), and found the vessel 
 under sail. His first impression was, that Mr. Blobb 
 was going to take them all off, and sell them for 
 slaves. 
 
 " Mr. Blobb !" It was pitch dark. 
 
 Snigsby listened. "Mr. Blobb?" 
 
 " Hush ! Oh, it's you, sir." 
 
 " Why, what the devil are you about, Mr. 
 Blobb ? I told you we didn't want to sail till the 
 morning." 
 
 " Mr. Shnigsby," said Blobb, speaking thick, while 
 the perfume of rum hovered in the night air ; " you are 
 a man and a brother." 
 
 Mr. Snigsby's heart sank within him at this com- 
 mencement. 
 
 " I wash left an orphan, Mr. Shnigsby," maundered 
 on the skipper, " and brought up to seafaring, as my 
 father before me. First of all, I sherved along 
 with — " 
 
 " Never mind, Mr. Blobb," said Mr. Snigsby, feeling 
 his utter dependence on the terrible skipper. " But 
 why are we a-weigh now ? ' ' 
 
 " Shtop — all in good time, Mr. Shnigsby. I sherved 
 many years in revenue cutters and gentlemen's yachts. 
 When I sailed the Dream for Lord Blory. Oh, Mr. 
 Shnigsby, that was a man." Here Blobb's feelings in- 
 duced a hiccup, which accompanied him from that
 
 256 MR. SNIGSBY^S YACHT. 
 
 point. " Desliended of noble ancestors, Mr. Shnigsby, 
 his lordship was a hindividual of the aristocracy." 
 
 " Of course, Mr. Blobb," said his hearer, shivering 
 a little in the night air. 
 
 " And aboard of that yacht, Mr. Shnigsby, I con- 
 tracted an unfortunate alliansh with a young 'ooman. 
 We was very appy for a while, though belonging to 
 the lower orders, Mrs. Shnigsby." 
 
 " Why not," said Mr. Snigsby, philosophically. " But 
 go on, Mr. Blobb." 
 
 " That female," said Blobb, with solemnity, " is now 
 in Malta ; come from Gozo, where she resides." 
 
 "Well." 
 
 "Yes, sir; and there's a very good reason in Eng- 
 land," said Blobb, lowering his voice, " why I can't 
 have much to say to her." 
 
 Mr. Snigsby saw how the case was, and why Mr. 
 Blobb preferred to sail in the dead of night. This 
 was very unfortunate, but what was to be done? 
 How could he get rid of him, and get a new 
 skipper ? 
 
 He paced about the deck, musing. The yacht was 
 right out at sea, floating lightly on over long blue 
 waves. It was a clear moonlight night ; all was still 
 in the cabins below, where Mrs. Snigsby was forgetting 
 her troubles, and Alfred his cares. Mr. Blobb was 
 perched at the weather gangway gigantically calm. 
 
 Suddenly, Mr. Snigsby looking to windward, saw a 
 large object glaring through the night. He strained 
 his eyes. The moon slid out of some thick clouds at 
 the moment. The light revealed a sail. It was a brig 
 with all sail set ; her white canvass gleamed through 
 the dusk. But there was no sign of life visible on 
 board her ; she held on calm, silent, and relentless as
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 257 
 
 fate. Was she tlie doomed vessel whose hell is the 
 eternal sea, in which the mariner's hair groweth grey 
 at the wheel, as thej beat on evermore in storm and 
 calm, with a life as restless as the water that bears 
 them — till they are too weary to speak to one another 
 any more ; and their garb is antiquated, and the casual 
 mariner crosseth himself as he sees the relics of a long- 
 dead generation moving gloomily on their deck ? Was 
 she that mournful spectre of the ocean, the phantom 
 ship ? ^Ir. Snigsby paused and stared — and the vessel 
 neared them. 
 
 'Twas the Roarer, captain Bulrush. Yea, 'twas the 
 phantom ship of the Mediterranean. The captain 
 slumbered in the cot, and the lieutenant in the berth, 
 and the officer of the watch in the hammock nettings, 
 and the quarter master on the gun-slide, and the 
 mariner at the wheel ! Steadily holdeth she on, with- 
 out reference to the laws of place, or the decisions of 
 the Admiralty Court. 
 
 '' H— 11," roared out Mr. Blobb, suddenly. " Port 
 the helm. What are they at?" 
 
 Mr. Snigsby seemed to see a monster looming out of 
 the darkness to swallow up his yacht. He shut his 
 eyes. He heard a crash forward. The brig had car- 
 ried away their jib-boom. The Paragon's crew came 
 running up, and poor Mr. Snigsby heard a voice cry 
 out in his cabin — the phantom had glided on into dark- 
 ness. Mr. Blobb was howling over the wreck and 
 invoking horrid vengeance on the captain of the brig. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby ran down the companion, tumbling 
 over Alfred at the bottom of the ladder. He found 
 Mrs. Snigsby in high alarm. They deplored their 
 unhappy position ; they bewailed their dependence on 
 Blobb.
 
 258 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 Meanwhile that officer, who was a very good sailor, 
 was getting things put to rights again. When the 
 family finally emerged in the morning, after break- 
 fast, they found all square. It was a beautiful day, 
 and the squadron were lying on the green water in 
 a gigantic line, w^ith glittering sails — looking like a 
 row of castles on the border of an immense prairie.
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 259 
 
 CHAPTER YII. 
 
 About this time the " affairs of Europe" had, as their 
 custom is, got into some phase of embarrassment which 
 required the presence of a squadron in the Eastern 
 parts of the Mediten*anean. I don't exactly remember 
 the circumstances. I believe that an infringement of 
 the treaty of Adrianople, joinded to the marauding- 
 propensities of Grivas, completed by the Porte's with- 
 drawal of its approval from the Pasha of Snobkali, 
 were the leadino' causes of the disturbance. How these 
 influenced each other, or indeed, what they meant, was 
 not easy to discover. At all events, a squadron had to 
 be sent eastward. A verhosa et grandis epistola came 
 from the admiral to the senior captains of the cruising 
 ships. It was just the subject for Sir Booby Booing to 
 expatiate upon. Sir Booby had a decided talent for 
 writing long despatches. The duller the despatch, too, 
 the longer it always was — like a deep sea lead — in pro- 
 portion as the lead was heavy, the line was long ! 
 
 Accordingly the Intolerable, 110; the Struldbrug, 
 90 ; the \^erdant, frigate, and the brig Lotus separated 
 from the fleet, and made away towards the Archipelago. 
 What more natural than that the Paragon should go 
 with them ? Blobb being asked whether he knew that 
 part of the Mediterranean, replied, "like — Alcibiades!" 
 That was a remnant of a small store of classical infor-
 
 260 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 mation which the eccentric skipper had acquired while 
 sailing the Symbol for a little clique of Oxford men, 
 who cruized about the Mediterranean, bewailing the 
 Dead Past. They were a sect of little bilious pietists, 
 who wore sham hair shirts ; were always blammg the 
 Greek Church for separating from Rome ; and had 
 some odd. theory about the Seven " Candlesticks." 
 They came home, wrote little poems, journals, and 
 pamphlets, dedicating to each other all round, and 
 dating " Feast of the Holy Block," or Eve of St. 
 Kilderkin." Harmless little sect! — but I am digressing. 
 Mr. Snigsby, of course, was highly anxious to see 
 those classic scenes, the history of which had touched 
 him so sharply (as the birch of his school could have 
 testified) in his youth. Alfred was ready to go ; any- 
 thing rather than be bored by Malta, he said. His 
 mother was delighted to think, as she said, that he 
 would recover a free fancy in a still softer clime. The 
 dear, conventional old lady ! She was always chewing 
 the cud of some melancholy or other. She wrote home 
 long letters to her relatives the Bibbs, informing them 
 of her state of mind, and containing the placidest con- 
 ventional nonsense about what they saw and did. She 
 was, too, always in extremes. She would write of 
 " the great kindness of the Fattons," because Mrs. F. 
 had been kind enough to come and eat her lunch with 
 her; and that "dear Christian," Mr. F. on the strength 
 of Mr. F.'s sermons, which was produced as a news- 
 paper writer produces " leaders," because it was his 
 profession. She now dipped a little into Lord Byron's 
 works, of which she had been wont to fight rather shy, 
 and prepared for the romance of the east. So away 
 went the Paragon in company with the squadron ; and 
 whenever there was a calm or a light wind, Mr. Snigsby
 
 ME. sxigsby's yacht. 261 
 
 liad the honour of receiying distinguished company to 
 dinner. For the admiral had not allowed the squadron 
 to come into harbour before starting, under pretence of 
 the urgency of the case, and the captains of the Into- 
 lerable and Struldbrug had fallen short of fowls and 
 
 vegetables. In consequence of this, old , of the 
 
 Intolerable — a very knowing card — sent one of his 
 boats one morning to the Paragon with his compliments 
 and a melon. Mr. Snigsby had at least ten melons 
 
 hanging up on board, but "how kind of captain !" 
 
 exclaimed Mrs. Snigsby ; so the captain was asked to 
 come and partake of his melon, and he did partake 
 of it, and of two bottles of Lafitte into the bargain. 
 We may be sure that Blobb did not approve of 
 these visits, and he not unfrequently took advantage 
 of night to get five miles to windward of the 
 squadron. 
 
 '•' They're as hinnocent as lambs," he said to the 
 crew, of the Snigsbys, " as himiocent as a Paskill 
 lamb." 
 
 Whatever the phrase might mean, he acted a pa- 
 rental part towards them, with a gigantic compassion ; 
 painted out the various parts of the coast as they came 
 in sight of the Morea ; and showed Alfred how the 
 never to be forgotten Lord Blory was wont to wear his 
 fez. Of course Alfred had now begun a beard and 
 moustache, and assumed a kind of oriental appearance 
 generally. He also cherished a secret intention of 
 SToino' in his fez to the Cvder Cellars when he returned 
 to London. That would rather astonish Blow, he 
 thought, and little Buck the raffish actor, and all the 
 odd hangers on of Vauxhall, the theatres, the casinos, 
 the betting rooms, &c. "Rather I'' he thought. It 
 was just the kind of reflection to be full of as you saw
 
 262 MR. 
 
 the columns of Sunium, with the sunlight clinging to 
 them at noon, like a parasite ! 
 
 The squadron, passing iEgina, with its veil of blue 
 haze (you will find some ruins there, and partridges), 
 arrived off the PirjEus. The Intolerable and Struld- 
 brug anchored in the Bay of Salamis, dropping their 
 best bowers among the bones of the followers of Xerxes ; 
 the Verdant and Lotus entered the Pirseus, and so did 
 the Paragon, dodging neatly in between the two little 
 lamp posts in the mouth of it, with a slanting wind. 
 The captain of the Intolerable went on shore to consult 
 the authorities of the Embassy, and returned to his 
 ship with a serious expression on his face, and an in- 
 creased air of self-importance. He Avas observed to 
 nod his head gravely to the commander, who nodded 
 his to the lieutenant of the watch, by and bye, in his 
 turn. Toadyley — who had a talent for getting hold of 
 news like the scent of a truffle dog, though he occa- 
 sionally got hold of a toadstool instead of the luxurious 
 fungus — came down to the gun room with the mysteri- 
 ous self-importance of old at third hand. There 
 
 now began a discourse about " British interests," and 
 danger to Otho's crown. 
 
 " It's all part of a general movement of the European 
 democracy, sir," Toadyley said. " It will leave us no 
 institutions, by and bye." 
 
 On this, Herbert Flower remarked very gravely, 
 that " nothing could be more annoying to a member of 
 the aristocracy," with a subdued grin, as he coupled the 
 last w^ords with a glance at Toadyley ; for Toadyley's 
 reverence for aristocracy was undoubtedly the result 
 of a pure and disinterested (and snobbish) attachment. 
 Happy aristocracy, which however blind it may be, 
 always has a cur to lead it; to carry the basket, eat
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 263 
 
 the fragments, and put up with the kicks I Toadyley 
 saw Mr. Flower's intention, but said nothing. He found 
 that the best plan of revenging himself on his enemies, 
 was to jog the memory of the commander about their 
 faults and misdoings. 
 
 Some days passed ; it was very fine weather, and 
 there was nothing particular to do. Mr. Slides, the 
 gunnery lieutenant, peering from the poop, became 
 gradually aware that there was a fine clear range for 
 firing down the bay. Mr. Slides was an ofiicer from 
 the Excellent, a capital cannon shot, and a great autho- 
 rity on shells. He was said to have once gone on 
 board a hulk while the Excellent was firing shells at 
 her, to watch the efi'ect on the spot. Stories were told 
 of his seeing tenpenny nails spin like tops on that occa- 
 sion, stories which were only believed by a faction, 
 which thought Mr. Slides " cracked." He hovered 
 between two strange reputations accordingly. Such is 
 the fortune of the brave I 
 
 Mr. Slides stood on the poop, gazing on the bay, and 
 occasionally glancing up at the rock called " Xerxes's 
 seat," and wondering what "elevation" would fling up 
 a shot on it. Presently, he went to the commander ; I 
 
 have hitherto disguised that officer under a , let 
 
 me withdraw the veil. His name was Bilboes. Mr. 
 Slides observed that there was now an excellent oppor- 
 tunity of having a little shell practice. Bilboes screwed 
 up his mouth. He was one of the old school ; knew 
 very little of the science of gunnery, and was rather 
 afraid of shells. Mr. Slides urged him. He wanted 
 to make some experiments — was not quite sure of the 
 length of his fuses. Now they would fire alternately 
 at two points — and have somebody near them with a 
 watch, to mark the moment of falling and bursting.
 
 264 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 " But bless me, Mr. Slides/' said the commander, 
 " what's ' somebody' to do when the shells fall near 
 him?" 
 
 " Get behind a rock to be sure ! " said Slides with a 
 superb air. " Get behind a rock ! " he cried out, " un- 
 less he wants his 'ed knocked off." 
 
 '' One of the midshipmen," suggested little Bloaker, 
 the marine officer, with a quiet smile. 
 
 Toadyley, who had been within hearing all this time, 
 wriggled up to the commander. 
 
 " I beg pardon, sir," he said to him, " Mr. — ah ! 
 Mr. Flower, sir, has not been doing much lately I" 
 Artful Toadyley. 
 
 "By Jove! no; call Mr. Flower," said old Bilboes, 
 briskly. " Yes — we ought to find out the shells — 
 all about the shells — you're right. Slides." Bilboes 
 was wonderfully interested in the matter suddenly. 
 
 Mr. Herbert Flower came running up, bolting the 
 last fragment of a lump of plumcake. " Want me, 
 sir?" There was a sort of grin in the circle round 
 Bilboes. There was a particular little imbecile grin 
 about Bloaker ; poor little Bloaker, who was what 
 Thackeray calls " a feeble wag," and was called 
 " wicked," by one or two old women. The commander 
 told Mr. Flower what he wanted him for. The pheno- 
 menon nodded, and held his tongue. 
 
 " Go and get ready, then," concluded Bilboes. 
 
 " I've no preparations to make, thank you sir," said 
 Flower, quietly. " The estate's entailed, sir." 
 
 " What — what do you mean ?" said old Bilboes. 
 
 " No need of a will, sir ; goes to the Flowers of 
 Herbham after our line. Branched off in Anne's time." 
 
 " Call away the cutter, sir," said Bilboes, " and look 
 sharp about it."
 
 MR. snigsbt's yacht. 265 
 
 Mr. Flower bounded off for the purpose, and the 
 commander ejaculated, " Well, Fm d — d." 
 
 Meanwhile, Mr. Slides had gone down helow to get 
 one of the main deck guns ready for firing. The 
 gunner had had the keys of the magazine given him, 
 and presently began marching with a dignified pace up 
 the hatchway, carrying a shell. It is quite a picture 
 to see a gunner carrying a shell — the reverence and 
 affection with which he regards the deadly object are 
 most interesting to observe. A young woman carrying 
 her baby ; a fast man bearing a pot of porter, are not 
 more genially interested in their respective charges. A 
 beautiful attachment — and surely a disinterested one ; 
 since occasionally nowadays, the shell explodes " un- 
 expectedly" (as the subsequent despatch pathetically 
 remarks), and clears the neighbourhood in a summary 
 manner. 
 
 " Cutter's manned, sir," Mr. Flower said to the 
 commander. 
 
 " Very well ; now pull, sir, and land at that point to 
 the riorht. We are ffoins^ to fire alternatelv at that 
 point, and yon other one to the left." 
 
 Flower was a picture of respectful attention. 
 
 " When we hoist the red flag, we are going to fire at 
 you — I mean the point on the right," he said, correcting 
 himself quickly. 
 
 " Same thing, sir," struck in the Phenomenon. 
 
 " Silence, and receive your orders, Mr. Flower. 
 When we hoist the yellow flag, we fire at the point on 
 the left. You attend with your watch, and time the 
 fallino" and the burstino-. " 
 
 Mr. Flower ran down the side. '' Shove off," he 
 cried. 
 
 The oars flashed, the wake shivered, and away went 
 
 VOL> I. N
 
 266 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 Mr. Flower on his scientific mission. He occupied 
 himself in looking at his watch, and ascertaining that 
 it went properly, and the hoat slashed along through 
 the water — leaving the old Intolerable towering out of 
 the sea in the distance. 
 
 " We had better warn that boat, sir," said the cox- 
 swain, suddenly. Flower looked up, '^ What's the 
 matter ?" he asked. 
 
 They saw one of the common Greek boats, with a 
 dirty sail, creeping along some way from them. A fez 
 just gleamed over the quarter, and a light curl of blue 
 smoke hovered over it. 
 
 " Starboard, and near her," said Herbert. 
 
 "Boat ahoy there!" The fez started, " Hillo, 
 'Erbert!" 
 
 " What— Snigsby !" 
 
 Mr. Alfred Snigsby jumped up. " Oh — this is jolly. 
 Flower, by Jove. I was just going for a little cruise — 
 beautiful day !" He stretched his long figure with a 
 most joyful air. " I'll join you — are you going to 
 land?" 
 
 " You may if you like," said Herbert. " Follow us." 
 
 The boats moved away — Alfred's following the 
 cutter, and they soon reached the "point to the right," 
 of which Bilboes had spoken. It was a fine, long, 
 rocky strip of land, with shingle on both sides down to 
 the sea. 
 
 " Now, shove ofP, coxswain," said Flower. " Take 
 the shore boat with you — out of the range." 
 
 Alfred and Herbert Flower were left alone on the 
 point. Alfred began to peer about with a curious look. 
 If you ever saw a long bird of the stork genus, observing 
 external nature in the strange way they do, you have 
 seen somethincr that resembles the tone of Alfred's
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 267 
 
 walk. Of course lils little box of " magic lights " came 
 out in an instant, and he offered Herbert a cigar. 
 
 " You fellows have an easy life of it," said Alfred, 
 " upon my word." Herbert was fiddling with his 
 watch, and observing the rocks about them. " Here 
 you are — you come on shore — you — ," so he was going 
 on, when — suddenly — 
 
 But we must glance at the main deck of the In- 
 tolerable for an instant. Slides was hovering round 
 the gun, and peering through the port with a telescope. 
 "Hang the fellow ! — tell the people to hoist the red flag 
 on deck, Jones. Elevate — well ! — oh dear ! What's 
 that long coloured thing moving ? Is't alive ?" 
 
 " Take a cigar, Herbert," said Alfred. " I'll just 
 run and pick one of those leaves." Alfred galloped 
 off. Herbert's eye was on the Intolerable's mast head. 
 " Snigsby, Snigsby," he roared out, " come back for 
 God's sake." 
 
 " D — n it, its running I" said Slides. " Is the flag 
 broke on deck ?" " Yes, sir," was the answer. " Mr. 
 Flower must see the flag" — and jerk went Mr. Slides's 
 wrist; he could be tantalized no longer I 
 
 A flash of fire, and a white cloud, and a rolling 
 thunder burst from the Intolerable, and then a long 
 thin hiss followed through the air. Down went Flower 
 like a pointer, instanter, with a wild glance at Snigsby. 
 Snigsby at that moment was a picture. He stood for 
 one instant like what the vulgar call " a stuck pig,"' — 
 legs frozen — mouth agape. And then he dropped back- 
 wards — I regret to say — in among some furze and 
 stones. The long hiss passed over their heads ; there 
 was a tremendous splash in the sea some hundred yards 
 ahead of the point — a white cascade sprung up from it 
 for an instant, and all was still. 
 
 N 2
 
 268 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 '' Alfred ahoy ! " cried Flower. " Very pleasant 
 duty, eh ?" 
 
 " Murder, by Jove/' said Snigsby, who was quite 
 pale. " There's some brandy in the boat, old fellow, 
 let's call it." 
 
 " Gad, I don't know whether the boat ought to cross 
 the range now. Come here by me." Herbert was 
 dotting down the minutes and seconds on a card with a 
 pencil. Always cool the youth was ; indeed he had 
 had a good schooling in the Cowslip, on the coast, the 
 commander of which was an officer who occasionally 
 threatened to run his brig alongside a foreign line of 
 battle ship, if anything on the part of the foreign line of 
 battle ship had offended him. This he called "bringing 
 people to their senses," while other authorities con- 
 sidered it taking leave of his own ! 
 
 "You are a cool card, Flower," said Snigsby, looking 
 with admiration at Herbert's pencil and notes. 
 
 Herbert shrugged his shoulders. " Oh, I'm paid for 
 it ; what do I get my £30 a year for ?" 
 
 " Ah but — hang it you know," said Alfred, whom 
 the shell had made wonderfully earnest all of a sudden, 
 '^it's honourable, old feller; courage is a fine thing, and 
 it's a great profession to rise in." 
 
 ^^ Oh, courage is just a habit — like smoking. The 
 profession's a bore. It's all humbug," said the Phe- 
 nomenon ; ^* everything's humbug:" 
 
 Up went the yellow flag. " Keep your eye on that 
 point, Alfred," said Flower — dropping down again — 
 while Alfred tumbled right over him, and sprawled all 
 abroad in his anxiety to imitate the movement. " All 
 right, man," Herbert said, laughing. " It won't be so 
 near us this time." He laughed, but he did not sneer 
 at young Snigsby's " funk." He thought no worse of
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 269 
 
 him for it — would have thought no better of him for 
 the opposite — he neither loved, reverenced, feared, nor 
 hated, nor despised hardly at all. Nil admirari was the 
 basis of his nature. Nil admirari is really the motto 
 of hundreds of our youth. Nil admirari will have to 
 be examined very closely by and bye. Nil admirari 
 will have to be put do^n by and bye. 
 
 Again, the fire gleamed in the heart of the white 
 smoke, and the air hissed like a living thing. They 
 saw a black speck in the air for a second — then, the 
 " point on the left" glittered momentary fire, and a 
 whirlwind of stones and dust flew up. 
 
 One or two more shells were fired without any no- 
 ticeable results. At last one of them began to hiss, 
 prematurely — as one feels inclined to do at a Bricklesian 
 drama — while it was lying apparently harmless on the 
 sill of the port. Everybody started. It was instantly 
 kicked off into the sea — where luckily it did not explode, 
 but sunk peacefully into extinction. Slides, of course, 
 was quite ready to " accoimt for" the accident. "Some- 
 thing" was wrong with the ^' cap," and there was " some- 
 thing" odd about the fuse. " He would undertake to 
 show," he said, " that it could not happen to another," 
 but the captain would have no more shell-firing that 
 day. The "boat's return" was hoisted to Mr. Flower's 
 great delight. Alfred remarked that he was beginning 
 to take an interest in the practice, but upon the whole, 
 he was not sorry, I believe, to find that it was over. 
 Long afterwards, the memory of his first sight of a 
 shell adhered to him, and many a time he narrated the 
 circumstance to a select circle, beginning — " Flower of 
 the Intolerable, and I," &c., and his excellent mother 
 never flagged in her shuddering sympathy — nay, not 
 even at the twentieth repetition.
 
 270 MR. 
 
 Alfred now came on board the Intolerable with 
 Flower. The commander received Flower with a 
 little more courtesy than usual, when he read his notes. 
 Of course, Herbert seized the occasion to ask leave to 
 go on shore. 
 
 " Shore, shore," said old Bilboes, " you youngsters 
 think of nothino; Dut the shore. No sooner is the anchor 
 in the ground than you want to be off." 
 
 Flower said nothing. He knew his man. Old B. 
 had a notion that his forte was sarcasm — so, if you 
 rather seemed to wince, the harmless old gentleman 
 thought you were hurt by his harmless old jocosity, 
 and ultimately relented from his harmless old stern- 
 ness. 
 
 " Ah ! you want to see the ruins of ancient art," said 
 Bilboes, feeling that his irony hit Flower very hard, 
 ^* well, you may go." 
 
 Flower went off very quickly indeed, we may be 
 sure. The apparently good natured mood of old Bilboes 
 induced another young gentleman to try his hand like- 
 wise, but the fatal inquiry — " whether his log was 
 written up ? " put a stopper — as he afterwards ex- 
 pressed it — on his expedition. That unhappy log ! 
 How that log has tormented us naval men ! How 
 often have we had occasion to join with Horace in im- 
 precations, on 
 
 " Te triste lignum te caducum 
 In domini caput immerentis !"
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 271 
 
 CHAPTER yill. 
 
 The modern inhabitants of Athens — perched as they 
 are beside the ruins — irresistibly suggest to one a 
 camp of gypsies among the remains of Stonehenge. 
 The contrast is just about as great ; and the relation of 
 modern to ancient there quite as respectable. Or if 
 you prefer a commercial illustration, I would compare 
 the town to an insolyent establishment into which 
 Europe has put King Otho as a kind of " man in pos- 
 session." There is a sort of tawdry semi-Turkish, semi- 
 French seediness about those narrow streets, which 
 inspires one with profound melancholy and disgust. 
 There is a muddy palm tree growing at the entrance 
 of the main street, in a consumptiye mamier — a false 
 life like the life round about. And there stand for 
 eyer and eyer, brown and ghostly the temples of the 
 old time, beside which this said life with its noise, fal- 
 sity, and pettiness, goes bustling on : a kind of wake 
 that life seems round the noble death there — a wretched 
 wake oyer a dead queen. 
 
 They were stunning times at Athens in 184 — . But 
 first of all, let us see our friends, the Snigsbys, safely 
 deposited at the Hotel (T Orient. The Paragon, as I 
 haye said, anchored in the Piraeus, where there is quite 
 a gay little white town. Two Russian brigs, with gilt 
 stars on their gun tompions, that foreign dandyism,
 
 272 MR. 
 
 were in the harbour. They exercised their guns con- 
 stantly, the crew hallooing when they loaded as they 
 drove the rammers in ; they always loosed sails and 
 furled them just as the Lotus did so ; and used to beat 
 the Lotus too, which was their ambition. In fact (for 
 it is no use disguising the fact), these brigs were very 
 smart vessels ; it is part of the Russian policy to send 
 really smart specimens of their ships to the Mediter- 
 ranean. But we must not be too much dazzled by 
 exercising feats. You may easily see various foreigners 
 beat a ship of ours at these, but see them weigh when 
 it blows, see them do something that belongs to seaman- 
 ship, and you will understand what we mean by calling 
 the English a nautical people. And just consider too, 
 how we distribute our patronage, how the navy is con- 
 stantly getting supplied with " old stores " instead of 
 good ones, in the way of commanding officers ! Why, 
 we beat all the world, in spite of all the efforts of our 
 government ! That is superiority if you like ! To 
 resume — 
 
 Mr. Blobb and a party from the yacht here employed 
 themselves in landing Mr. Snigsby's luggage. Mr. 
 Snigsby was surprised to see a regular cab stand, and 
 a fellow in a red cap and white petticoats, with a sash 
 round him — come trotting up with a hackney coach, 
 directly he landed. Blobb settled with him to go to 
 Athens for so many drachmas — " Athens, sir ! yes sir" 
 — fancy that ! and off the coach rolled along over a 
 good highway road — flat marshy plains stretching away 
 on each side, pale thin woods of light green trees 
 s^^ringing from them — barren Hymettus on one side — 
 distant Pentelicus looking misty. The " cabman " 
 stopped, presently, and Mr. Snigsby half expected as 
 he put his head out of the window, to find himself
 
 MR. sxigsby's yacht. 273 
 
 blockaded by a row of omnibuses ahead. They had 
 reached the "half way house" — a bright, gaudy, little 
 cafe on the borders of the wood, by the road side. " The 
 Socrates' Arms, I suppose ! " said Alfred, who was in 
 high spirits, making a joke in the style of Brickies. 
 Mrs. Snigsby laughed, but her husband looked grave. 
 
 " The name of Socrates is too sacred for these jests," 
 said Mr. Snigsby, pompously. 
 
 " Oh," said Alfred, sulkily, " there's a great deal of 
 cant talked about these old fellows !" 
 
 " Possibly, sir," said his father with sternness ; " but 
 the cant of the Cyder Cellars is worse !" 
 
 Mr. Snigsby was in a rhadamanthine mood, as was 
 proved by this speech. Whenever that sarcasm about 
 the C. C. (as Alfred would have said) came out, jNIr. 
 S. was indubitably sulky. " Humph !" growled liis 
 heir, but I am afraid the old gentleman had the best 
 of it I Meanwhile, the driver was getting himself 
 refreshed, and taking some red wine among the bab- 
 bling, gaudy, thin waisted groups who basked in the sun 
 on the benches outside, kicking out their red buskined 
 legs, twisting their moustachios, and gabbling three at 
 a time. Crack went the whip, and on the coach moved. 
 At last, the road turned, and they approached the town 
 — the temple of Theseus lying just on the right. They 
 rattled up the street (for Athens can only be said to 
 have one street), and went straight to the hotel. They 
 were to begin "sight seeing" (a sadly vulgar word, 
 that is) next day. The Snigsbys always "did" the 
 curiosities of a place on system, and regulated their 
 sublime interest in antiquity by the almanac. As these 
 poor sketches of mine are not wholly buffooneries, but 
 claim some slight "purpose," I think I ought to sub- 
 join a "memorandum" of Mr. Snigsby's, prepared that 
 
 N 3
 
 274 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 evening. It may — ^who knows ! — serve as a hint to 
 some future traveller of lofty aims. It will, at all 
 events, illustrate the character of various ditto dittoes. 
 
 MEMORANDUM. 
 
 " — ih instant. — Breakfast. Inquire price of tent. 
 See Acropolis, old columns, ruins, Greek worship, 
 graceful Temple of Winds. Dinner at six. Write 
 Hugg and Bloaker. 
 
 " — th instant — Early breakfast {qy. why salt so dear 
 at Athens?) See ruins, temple Jupiter Olympius. Em- 
 peror Hadrian, arch of. Not to forget umbrella, heat 
 so great. Polytheism, reflections on. Dinner at half- 
 past six. 
 
 " — th instant — Breakfast. Honey at ditto, from 
 Hymettus. (Odd story about Plato and bees in cradle 
 — fabulous.) See Pnyx. Prison of Socrates ; tomb of 
 ditto. Great man! — opposed popular superstitions. 
 Resemblance of to passers of reform bill. P.M. — Ride 
 out in carriage. Letters. 
 
 " — th instant — Old stream of Ilyssus. Groves of 
 Acad. Home early to see tailor. Evening. — Roam 
 about St. Paul's Hill; "unknown god." Home to tea. 
 
 " — th instant — Off to Phalarum Bay. Any snipes 
 in marsh? P.M. — Wander among ruins — reflections 
 on. Dinner at Embassy. Letters.'''^ 
 
 The last sentence Mr. Snigsby has put in italics, 
 for reasons which he does not explain. 
 
 The Snigsbys clearly made the most of their time, if 
 the above document is to be relied upon. And, indeed, 
 they seem to have enjoyed themselves. The autograph
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 275 
 
 book of the hotel still retains their names, and their 
 testimony to that effect, along with all the miscellaneous 
 names and testimonies of that volume — in which you 
 read how Jones liked Attica, and Brown liked the 
 hotel — and the execrable joke made by Higgs on the 
 words "fare and fowl;" to which is subjoined with due 
 signatures the announcement that " three English gen- 
 tlemen voted the writer of the above an ass." The 
 English leave the oddest possible relics of themselves 
 in these parts of the world. The French leave their 
 cookery and their prints ; the Venetians have left archi- 
 tecture; our travellers leave their autographs and petty 
 jokes. Well, every one to his taste, as the proverb 
 says. Alfred favoured the very tomb of Socrates with 
 his autograph, and other names had been before him. 
 
 "Antiquities" being pretty well exhausted, what 
 attraction had the capital to offer ? There was a court 
 — to be sure, it was a little one — with a little standing 
 army, and little ceremonies, and snug little despotic 
 ways of its own — scarcely rivalling a European one in 
 anything but its debt, which was highly respectable in 
 amount. There was a large flat white palace, which I 
 defy any one to look at without wishing to stick bills 
 on it. The whole affair was worthy of the city which 
 once boasted the tub of Diogenes. But see the fate of 
 empires ! Just as the city has become most ridiculous, 
 it has got no wits ! 
 
 This last was the remark, at all events, of a young 
 English gentleman at the table d'hote one day. There 
 was usually a rather pleasant party there — a quiet old 
 Russian patrician, who interested himself in what 
 everybody said, and was very agreeable — a Greek 
 gentleman, who had been at college at Moscow — a 
 travelling architect, and so on. Mr. Snigsby, to do
 
 276 MR. 
 
 him justice, was fond of conversation. On this occa- 
 sion he pricked up his ears. 
 
 ^^Have you been long in Athens, sir?" he said to the 
 speaker, a perfectly self possessed youth, who had every 
 appearance of being a thorough paced traveller. 
 
 " Came from Trieste yesterday. I should have been 
 here before, but I was detained at Malta on my way 
 from Algiers." 
 
 " Indeed !" said Mr. Snigsby. The company gene- 
 rally glanced at the speaker, who was just pouring 
 some wine into his soup, with some curiosity. 
 
 " And how, sir," said Mr. Snigsby, " does the French 
 settlement there succeed?" 
 
 " They're getting on very well. Bugeaud is not 
 looking so well as he used to do. All these old fellows 
 are dropping off. I saw Metternich in May — ^his voice 
 had got quite shaky." 
 
 By this time the entire table began to confine its 
 attention to the mysterious stranger. Mr. Snigsby 
 felt the necessity of continuing the conversation. The 
 youth was quite unconscious of anybody's attention, 
 apparently. 
 
 *^ Then, you seem to like Athens, as you — " Mr. 
 Snigsby said. 
 
 " I like it ? I hate the little hole ! It's all very well 
 when you come here as a boy, you know ; but it's 
 keeping me away from an old chum that I was to meet 
 at Odessa, and go home with." 
 
 " Hem !" said Mr. Snigsby, looking perplexed, and 
 scarcely knowing what to ask next. " And shall we 
 have the pleasure of your company long ?" 
 
 " I hope not. It all depends on what turn affairs 
 take. They say Katwinkski is to be recalled. I don't 
 feel sure about it myself. Besides — who knows ! I
 
 MR. snigsby's yacht. 277 
 
 may have to take a passage to Trieste with King 
 Otho !" 
 
 At this moment, Mr. Herbert Flower came in, bear- 
 ing a carpet bag, which (between ourselves) contained 
 his plain clothes. Room at the table was instantly 
 made for that youth. No sooner did his eye light on 
 the mysterious one than he nodded and said, " Why, 
 Saunders, I have not seen you since you were in Lis- 
 bon." Friendly recognition, and "wining" instantly 
 followed. Mr. Saunders talked away more briskly 
 than ever, told innumerable anecdotes, all about public 
 men of one class or another, many of them bitter sar- 
 casms of public men against each other. The impres- 
 sion left by the whole was, that European politics were 
 just a selfish game played by men more or less clever 
 and unscrupulous, and none of whom excited any par- 
 ticular reverence in Mr. Saunders. After dinner he 
 took a cigar out of his case and announced that he was 
 going for "a stroll." 
 
 "Who is that?" inquired the Snigsbys, eagerly, 
 after he had left the room. 
 
 Flower laughed. "That's ^our own correspondent,'" 
 he said, and named the journal. 
 
 " Dear me," said Mr. Snigsby, reverently. " A most 
 intelligent young man he seems." 
 
 " Oh yes ; smart fellow enough." 
 
 " I wonder," said Mr. Snigsby musingly, " what can 
 be the matter here. Something, sir, you may depend !" 
 he added solemnly. " I wonder if the government are 
 in a crisis. Pray, my lord," here he turned to the 
 Russian nobleman who was always so polite, " do you 
 know anything of the state of politics here?" 
 
 The Russian made a bland and negative inclination. 
 Russians don't talk politics in coffee-rooms, Mr. Snigs-
 
 278 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 by. And indeed one reason the English are such bad 
 social conversers, is, that continual political talk spoils 
 them. If they were more literary they would be more 
 elegant. 
 
 Just then, a waiter summoned Alfred, who disap- 
 peared. Mrs. Snigsby had gone up stairs to their 
 rooms ; Mr. Snigsby remained, musing over his claret. 
 I rather fancy he was meditating some " speculation," 
 and I know that he often thought that this mere 
 travelling without making money was very absurd. 
 He turned to Herbert Flower, who in political mat- 
 ters was but a sorry resource. " What think you. 
 Flower ?" 
 
 Herbert shrugged his little shoulders. " I'm never 
 interested in politics, my dear sir. Politics, I take 
 to be the art of sending gentlemen into parliament, 
 or promoting them in the army and navy. My 
 father does our share of political business, for the pre- 
 sent." 
 
 Mr. Snigsby smiled. " But have not you heard how 
 things are going on here, for example ? " 
 
 " Well, I understand the king's dunned," said Her- 
 bert, laughing, " but by gad, I'm dunned — only I'm 
 not a king." 
 
 " Dunned, sir, indeed," said Mr. Snigsby, seriously. 
 
 " Yes, I made rather a good joke about it t'other 
 day. I said his court was an insolvent court." 
 
 Mr. Snigsby grinned. 
 
 How beautiful was this romance of monarchy — how 
 fine a thing to be a king under Otho's circumstances ! 
 But if for him we have no particular sympathy — let 
 our chivalry give a sigh to the lady of the house of 
 Oldenburg — with the head too fair for such a crown 
 — sweet flower of beauty among the ruins of the
 
 MR. SNIGSBY'S yacht. 279 
 
 beauty of old — whose presence might compensate an 
 Athenian for the loss of the marbles that charmed Pe- 
 ricles. 
 
 Just as they were sitting silent, in rushed the waiter, 
 flourishing a napkin. " Come out and look sir ! " Come 
 out sir ! " And a distant sound of voices, and the hurry- 
 ing hoofs of horses, were heard through the open doors 
 of the hotel. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby, with true political curiosity, bounded 
 to his feet and rushed out accordingly. The hotel was 
 in an uproar. The residents were running down stairs ; 
 everybody asking his neighbour what was the matter. 
 Nobody could answer with certainty. Only it was 
 quite clear in the fresh and moonlight evening, that the 
 people of the town were all swarming in crowds — that 
 the picturesque groups were marching along towards 
 the palace — that lights were gleaming now and then 
 through its lofty windows. 
 
 Mr. Snigsby came running into the coffee-room 
 again, quite excited. " It's a revolution^ Mr. Flower!" 
 
 " Is it ? " said Flower. " Then waiter, bring another 
 pint of claret and a cigar." 
 
 " Won't you come and look at it ? " said Mr. Snigsby 
 in surprise. 
 
 " I ? bless you, no. Mind, waiter, the Lafitte." 
 
 While the waiter was attending to the order of Mr. 
 Flower, our friend Snigsby ran out again. The Hotel 
 d' Orient is situated near the palace, and the residents 
 had a capital view of the proceedings that night. The 
 crowds continued gathering, and now they gradually 
 swelled into a mass round the palace. And now began 
 shouts — discordant, tempestuous hubbub round these 
 white marble walls. Presently a horseman leaves the 
 palace portico at a gallop — gallops down to the artillery
 
 280 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 barracks. Brief reply is given to the message ; " Ar- 
 tillery decline to act ! " Increased hubbub follows, as 
 news is diffused through the mob. And now begins a 
 general yelling — indicative, as is explained to Mr. 
 Snigsby (who is watching the proceedings with high 
 constitutional emotions from a balcony), that the people 
 of Athens would like to see his Majesty at his balcony ! 
 You have heard the call for " author," raised by a 
 literary gentleman's acquaintances at the close of a new 
 play ! Such was the yelling for his Majesty on the 
 present occasion ; they always call on kings, however, 
 to have their performances condemned. 
 
 And now the lights moved even more restlessly at 
 the windows of those wide white walls. Figures appear 
 and vanish there occasionally. Mr. Snigsby's emotions 
 became immense. He half knocked down a waiter, 
 whom he met carrying a lantern — as he rushed to sum- 
 mon Flower again. 
 
 " Come, Mr. Flower — come ! Listen to the roaring, 
 there!" 
 
 *' Capital Lafitte, my dear sir," said Herbert, never 
 moving an inch. 
 
 " Come and see it man," said old Snigsby. 
 
 '^ Bah I my dear sir — leave my wine ? " 
 
 Snigsby hurried off again, and resumed his observa- 
 tion. 
 
 " Mr. Snigsby, sir," cried the waiter. 
 
 The old boy ran down once more. There was some 
 hubbub going on at the door of the hotel. A lanky 
 Albanian — so he seemed, was hustled rudely in by an 
 armed mob. His cap fell, and Mr. Snigsby recognised 
 Alfred. 
 
 "Why — what the devil's up now?" he roared out 
 to that youth.
 
 281 
 
 <i 
 
 I just went out," stammered Alfred, who was 
 deadly pale. 
 
 " In tliat dress, sir?" shouted his father. "Goto 
 bed sir ! Waiter, show him to bed." 
 
 Once more, Mr. Snigsby gained his point of observa- 
 tion. The tumult was decidedly increasing — nay, arms 
 of various kinds glittered more prominently in the 
 moonlight. The opening on the royal balcony began 
 to move. Who shall describe all the anxiety and terror 
 going on within those walls then ? Honour to the 
 queenly heart warm with the blood of Gustavus — 
 which is true to one at this hour — true at once to the 
 honour of its noble northern birth, and the Greek site 
 of its southern palace I 
 
 A figure appears on the balcony, and there is a dead 
 hush for a moment, and a low murmur. The king ? 
 No I A burst of yelling follows. This is a grim Bava- 
 rian — most unpopular man in Greece ! The muskets 
 gleamed still more prominently. Dense roaring en- 
 sues. 
 
 " I wonder, sir, you dare show yourself ! " roars 
 
 stern old , avIio heads the multitude. The grim 
 
 figure retires in again — cursing rather deeply, we may 
 imagine. 
 
 At last the king appears. There is a shouting, and 
 a cry about " constitution," and negotiation, and three 
 times three. And the mob slowly disperses and settles 
 down in its own dwellings. 
 
 " Well," said Mr. Snigsby, returning to the coflPee- 
 room. " I call that a great spectacle ! Voa; populi, 
 
 sir 
 
 "Now then: supper," said Flower, finishing his 
 second cigar. "The revolution has not spoiled my 
 Lafitte." ^
 
 282 MR. snigsby's yacht. 
 
 " Here's the people !" said old Snigsby joyously. 
 
 " Vivat Regina I " said Flower, with gallantry. Al- 
 fred was already in bed. His first "lark" had termi- 
 nated very sadly in the classical city. 
 
 A few days afterwards the Paragon slowly dropped 
 out of the harbour, bearing the Snigsbys for a slight 
 cruise among the islands. 
 
 END OF VOL. I. 
 
 THoitrsoN AND Davidson, Pkinters, 19, Gbeat Si. Helens, London.