-- # UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY Class Book Volume 1 Xr Zj s efe • . . j t Ja 09-28M STULTIEERA NAVIS ; OR, THE MODERN SHIP OF FOOLS. A Whip for the Horse, a Bridle for the Ass, and a Rod for the Fool’s Back. Solomon. ( Price Eight Shillings •) PRINTED BY WILLIAM SAVAGE, BEDFORD BURY. STULTIFERA NAVIS; Qua omnium mortalium narratur Stultitia, THE MODERN SHIP OF FOOLS. iERE PERENNIUS. LONDON : PRINTED FOR WILLIAM MILLER, ALBEMARLE STREET. 1807. <2 'll DEDICATION, To that individual, if such an one exists, who resembles the man sought after by the philosopher Diogenes at noon day, with a lighted candle in a lanthorn *. Unknown, Wheresoe’er thou art, I humbly greet thee, heedless of thy country, religion, lan- guage, or colour; well convinced, that neither climate, creed, tongue or complexion can prove detrimental to the expansion of wisdom, or tend to warp thee from the pursuits of everlasting truth . To thee, O Phoenix ! or to adopt the words of Solomon, “ Beloved of my soul,” do I send * It is obvious, that our Poet did not take the honest man of the Cynic, in a literal sense, but that he conceived the philosopher went in search of a wise and good man, and not merely of one who was proof against the temptation ©t purloining a silver spoon. Colui e huomo, che pub regger se stesso. VI DEDICATION. this little book, greeting, under the assurance, that my moral will be in unison with thy practice, and consonant with thy thconj , when absolute action hath not led thee to display thy conduct to the world of fools. To intrude upon thee fulsome flattery would be fruitless, thy discriminating sense would pierce the flimsy veil : to wish thee unfading happiness would be nugatory, since wisdom is thy pursuit, and joys unperishable are the at- tendants on those who struggle in order to its attainment : to urge thee to proceed in thy ca- reer with steady determination, would merely hold me up to ridicule in thine eyes, since he who hath tasted the delicious fruits of science, would never quit the Hesperian produce “ to prey on garbage.” Therefore naught have I further to add, but take my leave, under the firm conviction, that Sapientia prima est, stultitia caruisse. THE POET. ADVERTISEMENT TO THE READER. In the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries, several works written in Latin, issued from fo- reign presses, similar in title and composition to the plan of the present publication ; the in- tention of which is to lash the reigning vices and follies of mankind. These productions have, for the most part, been inspected by the editor, but the work which obviously appears to have given the idea for the several sections now under consideration, is the Ship of Fools, translated into English verse by one Alexander Barclay, priest, and printed in folio. Of this work, numerous editions issued from the press ; the earliest of which was printed by Pinson, in 1509 ; vid. Herbert's edition of Ames, vol. i. p. viii ADVERTISEMENT 0,53, from which it should seem, that Alex- ander Barclay had only completed his trans- lation the preceding year, as in a subsequent folio edition, bearing date 1570, the following lines appear : " Thus endeth the Ship of Fools, translated out *>f Latin, French and Dutch, into Englishe, by Alexander Barclay, priest, at that time chaplin in the coledge of St. Mary Ottery, in the coun- tie of Devon. An. Dom. 1508.” In the commencement of that volume, the reader is informed, that Stultifera Navis was originally the labour of one Sebastian Brant , a Dutchman, and Doctor of both Laws, in the county of Almayne, who composed the book in his native tongue, endeavouring as much as possible to vie with the ancient Roman satirists ; not to omit the effusions of Dante and Francis Petrarch, the heroic poets whom it is alleged, he also took for his models. From the original Dutch, the Ship of Fools was then translated into Latin, by James Locher, a disciple of Brant’s, and was afterwards rendered into ADVERTISEMENT. IX French by an unknown hand; thus much are we informed from the preliminary discourses of Locher and Barclay; the latter of whom, in his English translation, accounts in the following words, for the publication of his book : “ Wherefore willing to redresse the erroursand vices of this our realme of Englande , as the fore- saide composer and translatours have done in their countreys, I lave taken upon me , howbeit unworthily , to drazve into our Englisht tongue, the saide booke named the Ship of Fools, so nere to the saide three languages, as the parcitie of my witte will suffer me ” With respect to the present Ship of Fools, the editor conceives it highly necessary to ac- quaint the public, that the Poetaster has, in no one instance, encroached on the production of Alexander Barclay, as far as relates to the body of his work, having merely copied a part of his title-page, and inserted the running heads of many of his sections *, the poetry, Latin and Italian quotations, See. being entirely the effu- * Viz. Of foolish unprofitable books — Of new fashions, and fools that wear disguised garments, &c. ike* b X ADVERTISEMENT. sions of his genius, and the result of his own researches. The editor has conceived this intimation the more essentially requisite, as it would be infinitely detrimental to the poet, was he branded with the stigma of plagiarism, when his labours are entirely original, and obviously committed to paper currente calamo ; but, as the writer has ventured to correct some lines in the progress of these sections, he hopes that the poetical part of the volume is not wholly ushered into the world without Limae labor ac mora ; and therefore trusts, that auy trifling- inaccuracies which may have escaped him, will be regarded leniently by that class of critics, which is, perhaps, over severe in its judgment on the literary productions of others. Under the firm assurance that the reader will consider this work, in the light in which it is conceived the author originally intended that it should be accepted, the editor takes his leave, after placing himself in the situation of the versifier of this volume, exclaiming with Ovid : Nonfego mordaci distrinxi carmine quenquam, Nulla venenato est litera mista joco. PREFATORY DISCOURSE OF l THE POET. It is allowed, that the mental, equally with the corporeal being, stands in need of repose — • I had just atchieved the last section of this my Ship of Fools, when I was assailed by one of those soft and genial slumbers, which will fre- quently extend its influence to renovate the animal system, and give new vigour to intellec- tuality : Opere in longo fas est obrepere somnum. Horace. while entranced in this state of oblivion, a fe- male form suddenly presented itself to my wan- dering imagination, whose broad, fat, unmean- ing countenance and vacant stare, seemed anxious to convey an expression of displeasure; b 2 XII PREFATORY DISCOURSE. blit so aukwardly was the passion depicted, as rather to excite risibility, than inspire my soul with a sensation of awe. “ Dost thou not know me ?” demanded the female, in sullen accents ; “Yes/* I replied; for who can fix his eyes on that inexpressive physiognomy, upon that cap, adorned with lanky ass’s ears, upon that tawdry mantle, together with those jingling bells and empty ladle, with- out proclaiming thee aloud, for that thou truly art. Queen of Folly, or the Goddess of Fools f” “ Thou judgest right,” replied the vision ; “ and since thou knowest me for an immortal being, learn henceforth to respect my boundless sway.” At the conclusion of these words, Erasmus's account of the parents and guardians of Folly, suddenly flushed upon my mind, when the following ejaculation escaped my lips : “ Yes, I know thee well : at thy concep- tion Hymen did not attend, neither wast thou born upon the floating Delos % but on one * It was on this island, which is said to have suddenly PREFATORY DISCOURSE. XIII of those fortunate islands, whose luxurious and spontaneous soil affords every thing without the aid of culture; and from whence is conse- quently banished labour, together with penury, sickness, and old age: thy nurses were the daughter of Bacchus and the progeny of Pan, whose attendants were Scorn, Self-love, and Adulation (sleepy-eyed), Lethe, or Oblivion; Idleness with listless air, and perfumed Volup- tuousness, crowned with odoriferous flowers. Amidst this train of nymphs two gods appeared; the one was patron of gluttony, the other of profoundest sleep. Such even now constitute thy suite ; and, aided by their baleful fascina- tions, dost thou hold, under thy dominion, this world immense of countless fools.” “ True”; answered the vision, “ and since thou knowest so well my sovereignty and made its appearance on the surface of the ocean, by the power of Neptune, that the persecuted Latona was per- mitted to bring forth her offspring Apollo. Delos was also the birth place of Diana. It is almost needless to add, that Science and Chastity are total strangers to the Goddess of Fools. XIV PREFATORY DISCOURSE. power, how darest thou act in opposition to my lenient decrees, and rear thy puny wit against an immortal, whose shrine receives the tribut- ary homage of all the sons and daughters of mortality. Consign to the flames, rash and imprudent bard, these labours of thy daring fancy, my votaries will not heed them, but laugh to scorn such frigid precepts. Come to my rosy bowers, and I will feast thee with ex- cess of love, with brim-full goblets of exhila- rating wines, with banquettings, music, danc- ing, and every species of revelry; from thy mind discard these baleful principles, by thee denominated the beacons of wisdom ; from thy brow dispel that look of austerity, and let the dimpled smile of mirth assume its playful em- porium. Yes: yield thyself to me; and hence- forth learn to taste unfading pleasures.” Thus having spoke, Folly approached me with complacency. I was not, however, to be won by her alluring smiles; and, with an outstretched hand, indignantly repulsed her fascinating, but deceitful blandishments. Being thus contemned, her fury knew no PREFATORY DISCOURSE* XV bounds; and to her aid she summoned, incon- tinent, her votaries, from every region of the earth; who, with gesticulations, indicating hate, would fain have approached me; but fruitless proved the attempt. Minerva ap- peared, arrayed in the garb of Mentor, and, rearing high her orbed and resplendent shield, with shrieks and yells the multifarious band shrunk back, dismayed at the dazzling sight; and I again awoke, to laud still more the wise design which had inspired my muse. Quidquid agunt homines nostri farrago libelli. Having thus committed to paper the off- spring of my visionary fancy, which related throughout to the Goddess of Fools ; it may not be injudicious, in the next place, to say some- thing respecting her kingdom, the situation of which is so characteristically depicted by Vol- taire, that I cannot do better than quote his lines, for the reader's information. Hevers la lune, ou Ton tient que jadis, Etait place des fous le paradis # , * It was formerly supposed, that the Fools 1 Paradise XVI PREFATORY DISCOURSE. Sur les confins de cet abime immense, Ou le Cahos, et l’Erebe, et la nuit, Avant le temps de Punivers produit, Ont exerce leur avengle puissance; II est un vaste et caverneux sejour, Peu carresse des doux rayons du jour; Et qui n ? a rien qu’une lumiere affreuse, Froide, tremblante, incertaine, et trompeuse: Pour tout etoile, on a des feux folets; I/air est peuple de petits fafardets, De ce pays la reine est la sottise, &c. Such being the region inhabited by the God- dess of Fools, I shall now proceed in my Pre- face, by giving a quotation from the prologue of Jamts Looker , which is, in every respect consonant with the causes which induced me to compose the ensuing sections: was situated near the border of the moon ; and that the region was inhabited by the spirits of ideots, silly per- sons, and infants who died without receiving the bap- tismal rites. Milton also speaks of the Paradise of Tools , through which he makes Satan pass, in the progress of his aerial journey. PREFATORY DISCOURSE. XV1L u To dense the vanitie and madnes of fool- iske people, of whom over great number is in the realme of Englande ; therefore let every man beholde and overrede this booke, and then , I doubt not but he shall see the errours of his life , of what condition soever he be ; in likewise as he shall see in a mirrour the four me of his coun - tenaunce and visage. And if he amende suche fault es as he redeth here , wherein he knoweth him self e giltie, and passe foorth the residue of his life in order of good maners ; then shal he have the fruit e and advantage, whereto I have translated ( composed ) this book” This having been the laudable incitement oi a translator, I trust that a motiye no less praise- worthy is attachable to me (the poet), who claim originality throughout my effusions, and who have in some measure, aimed at the accomplishment of the idea of Horace, who gave it as his opinion that. Non satis est pulchra esse poemata, dulcia sunto. Whether I have succeeded or not in my at- tempt, I leave to the decision of those who xvm PREFATORY DISCOURSE. shall deign to peruse my lays ; but of this 1 feel proudly confident, that nothing but the welfare of my countrymen hath prompted my Muse, having no incitement whatsoever, ei- ther to personality or malice; for it is certainly permitted me to ask, — Ego si risi, quod ineptus Pastillos Rutillus olet — lividus et mordex videar ? Having thus wiped away every supposition on the score of vindictive satire, on my part, I shall deliver my thoughts on this head, in the words of Burton , who, in his elaborate and scientific Anatomy of Melancholy , has thus given two Latin lines in our mother tongue : The best and surest method of advice, Should spare the person, tho’ it brands the vice. With respect to the multitude that will not think fit to trouble itself with the perusal of my labours ; or, more properly speaking, to taste u^cc mux, I must beg leave to acquaint such votaries of folly, that the vessel, or rather the fleet , of their darling goddess is ready for their immediate embarkation; and, in order to bid them adieu, I shall, therefore, have recourse 1 PREFATORY DISCOURSE. XIX to the ensuing stanzas of my worthy friend Alexander Barclay, the priest. But to assemble these fooles in one bande, And their demerites wortily to note, Bayne shall I shippes of every manor lande, None shall be left , barke, galley, ship , nor bote, One vessell can not bring them all aflote, For if all these fooles were brought into one barge , The bote should sinke, so sore should be the charge . The sayles are haused, a pleasant coole doth blowe, The fooles assemble asfaste as they may drive ; Some swimmeth after, other as thicke doth rowe, In their small botes, as bees about a hive, The number is great, and eche one doth strive, For to be chiefe, as purser and captayne, Quartermaster, lodesman, or els Boteswayne. They runne to our ship, eche one doth greatly feare, Least his slacke pace should cause him bide behinde ; The winde riseth, and is like the sayle to teare, Eche one enforceth the anker up to winde, The sea swelleth by planetes well I finde. These obscure cloudes threaten us tempest : All are not in bed which shall have ill rest. And now, friend reader, will I close these prefatory lines, supplicating the interposition XX PREFATORY DISCOURSE. of Wisdom in thy favour, that her bright ra- diance may so expand around thee, as to dis- sipate from thy reason the noxious vapours of ignorance and folly, urging thee to discard bells, cap, and ladle; assuming in their stead the dazzling spear of Minerva to affright thine adversaries; while, firm in the sacred cause, thou mayest act in unison with myself, and henceforth exclaim, Quid verum atque decens euro et rogo, et omnis in hoc sum. THE TABLE OF CONTENTS. Section. Page. I. Of Foolish unprofitable Books 1 II. Of new Fashions, and Fools that wear disguised Garments - 7 III. Of Old Fools, viz. the longer they live, the more they are given to Folly 12 IV. Of Old Fools who hanker after Young Women - - 15 V. Of such as know Nothing, and will learn Nothing, or of Fools oppressed by their own Folly - 19 VI. Of Foolish Counsellors, Judges, and Men of Law - 23 VII. Of Foolish modern Wives and Fashion- ables - 27 VIII. Of Fools who contemn and despise Reli- gion - 31 IX. Of Foolish Gluttons and Drunkards 34 XXII CONTENTS. Sec. X. Of Young Fools who marry Old ones for love of Gold - XI. Of Venal Fools XII. Of Fools who Masquerade at Midnight XIII. Of Fools who seek Fortune at Games of Chance - XIV. Of Foolish Priests, and babbling Parsons in the Choir - XV. Of Fools who practise vileness of Man- ners at Table - - XVI. Of Avaricious Fools XVII. Of the vice of Sloth in Fools XVIII. Of Foolish Flatterers and Glossers XIX. Of the Vanity of Fools XX. Of Usurious Fools XXI. Of Fools who superintend the Education of Children - - XXII. Of Prodigal Fools XXIII. Of curious and prying Fools XXIV. Of the Fool that is Jealous of his Wife without a Cause - - XXV. Of Fools that know, and are instrumental to, their Wives’ Inconstancy XXVI. Of Fools that are Passionate at Trifles XXVII. Of Fools who rely on the stability of For- tune - XXVIII. Of Foolish Scoffers and Backbiters XXIX. Of Fools that do other Men’s Business and neglect their own Page. 40 44 48 52 57 63 67 70 74 79 82 85 92 95 % 99 102 106 110 114 116 CONTENTS XX1I1 Sec. Page. XXX. Of Fools who collect old Books and Prints 120 XXXI. Of Foolish Antiquaries - 125 XXXII. Of Fools who delight in the Chase - - 131 XXXIII. Of Fools who pretend to despise Death 136 XXXIV. Of discontented and unsteady Fools - 140 XXXV. Of Fools who go to Law for Trifles - - 144 XXXVI. Of Fools who provide Nothing in youth to live in Age . - - 149 XXXVII. Of Fools who are in Love - 153 XXXVIII. Of Foolish Astronomers and Star Gazers 159 XXXIX. Of Foolish Alchemists - 164 XL. Of the Vain Boasting of Fools - - 169 XLI. Of Ambitious Fools - 174 XLII. Of Fools who boast their Ancestry and Pedigree - : 178 XLIII. Of Fools who pursue unprofitable Study 184 XLIV. Of Foolish Poets and Authors - - 191 XLV. Of Imperial Fools - 198 XL VI. Of Fools who think none so wise as themselves ----- 203 XLVII. Of Fools who daily prolong their own Amendment* ----- 207 XLVIII. Of Noble Fools - - - - 211 XLIX. Of the Diseased Fool, that will not at- tend to his Physician - - - 216 L. Of Fools that willingly put themselves in the Way of Peril - - - 220 LL Of Gentlemen Fools - 224 XXIV CONTENTS. Sec. Page. III. Of Fools, who, in Age, give bad Exam- ples to Youth - 228 mi. Of the Envious Fool - 231 LIV. Of Fools who believe in Predestination - 235 LV. Of Martial Fools - - - - 239 LVI. Of Fools who do not understand a Game > A [ and yet will play - 246 LVII. Of Fools who place their Trust in He- ritage - 249 LVIII. Of Trading Fools - 253 LIX. Of Fools that will not speak the Truth, for Fear of Punishment 256 LX. Of Fools whose Labour constitutes their Pleasure ----- 259 LXI. Of Fools who despise Misfortune 262 LXII. Of the Folly of all the World 265 LXIII. Description of a Wise Man 268 LXIV. Of the Reward of Wisdom - 272 LXV. Of Back Biters, and such as shall despise this Work - 274 LX VI. The Author a Fool 278 STULTIFERA NAVIS. SECTION I. OF FOOLISH UNPROFITABLE BOOKS. Os dignum seterno nitidum quod fulgeat auro Si mallet laudare Deum, cui sordidamonstra Prsetulit, & liquidam temperavit crimine vocem. O how can I with any prudence dress A theme that checks the freedom of the press. The great palladium which we all rely on ? Far better, Caxton # , had this land been stinted Of lives of saints , and all that thou hast printed, Than e’er thine art produc’d what I say fye on. * William Caxton was the first printer in England; he established his press at Westminster, and produced a work entitled, The Lives of the Saints, which may very justly be styled the heavenly^ Maundeville, being replete with so many marvellous histories. The first book printed by Caxton was The Game of Chess , and the second, The Dictes and sayinges of Philosophers, by Earl Rivers, dated 1477. B 2 THE SHIP OF FOOLS. Hadst thou ne’er usher’d in this baleful art. Full many a damsel had ensur’d her heart ’Gainst subtle Jean # Jaques nouvtlle Heloist : From French finesse and all les petites ruses. And to les Liasons f tres dangereuses y Our damsels ne’er had had recourse to please. But in their boudoirs j ladies now display Nagee canorce of the present day ; Or Little poems § for the fleeting hour : Effusions which our modern belles adore. Who only languish as they read for More ; Of dulcet trifles such the magic pow’r. * The new Heloise of J. J. Rousseau is famed for the fallacious principles with which it abounds, and the fas- cination of the language, rendering sophistry plausible at the expense of our reason. f A very celebrated French work, entitled in English, Dangerous Connexions , which is calculated to mis- lead the senses, and implant in the mind the most er- roneous sentiments and opinions. Hae nugae seria ducunt in mala. X Small chambers appropriated for retirement, and fitted up in a luxurious style, which is in every respect calculated to inflame the desires of a voluptuary. § Many poetic effusions of this nature have, of late, OF FOOLISH BOOKS. 3 Nay, still the dear illusion to enhance. Indecency is coupled with romance # , To curtain modesty with crimson shame ; As if discarding chastity from hence. Was the criterion of all common sense. And the sure beacon of the road to fame. issued from the press, whose rapid sale has but too evi- dently indicated the taste of the present times. Of some productions of this nature, concerning which we may exclaim with Horace, Versus inopes rerum, nugaeque canorae, it hath been confidently asserted, that ladies of ton, not satisfied with a single copy, have purchased separate impressions for the carriage, the boudoir, and the dress- ing room, while a fourth has not unfrequently been de- posited under the pillow at night, to serve as a gentle lullaby. * Some famous, or rather infamous , works of this nature, have met the public eye, to the disgrace of the writers, whose labours are well calculated to adorn an index expur gat o- rius ; but this is not all, for our literary gentlemen (as they term themselves) not contented with their own de- reliction, must needs ransack the productions of Parisian irreligion, false philosophy, and immorality, in order to give them publicity in this country, by means of transla- tion, witness the Uelphine of Mad. Stael, together with an hundred et caeteras. And as if the mania was never 4 THE SHIP OF FOOLS. But poems and romances, what are they. When new philosophy * illumes the way? Sages of Greece and Rome are naught, l ween; Friends of the Bonnet Rouge can all o’ertop, And not with tongue alone their logic chop. Witness the annals of the Guillotine. l’eNVOY f OF THE POET. Hold, hold, my Muse, deceitful books, farewell ; Till human nature cons your page no more: to end ; nothing hitd such a run for a period, as the trash that was advertised as coming piping-hot from the Ger- man school ; in short, we have been inundated with Gal- lic philosophy , morality , &c. and the German extrava- ganza, both literary and dramatic. Li matti hanno bolletta di dir cio che vogliano. * It would be needless to dilate upon this topic, as the fanatics of a neighbouring country, not to lay any stress upon those gentlemen who have figured on this side of the water, have given incontrovertible testimony of the fallacy of their opinions, by the overthrow of those sys- tems, or castles in the air, with which they amused themselves, to the destruction of all social order, and the consequent butchery of thousands of their fellow citizens. t As the above word is made use of in the translation of Alexander Barclay, from whose publication the poet OF FOOLISH BOOKS. 5 Degraded man each virtue shall expel. And robes of modesty bedeck the whore. THE poet’s CHORUS TO FOOLS. Come, trim the boat, row on each Kara Avis* 9 Crowds flock to man my Stultifera f Navis . took his idea of the present work; it appears evident that he did not think fit to alter the same, as throughout all his sections no other word is applied to denote that he sends his advice to the several classes of fools, con- cerning whom he treats in this book. * As these words are usually adverted to in speaking of any individual pre-emnent in wisdom or excellence, the poet has, it is conjectured, conceived himself li- censed in using them, while treating of those who are equally prominent in folly. f It is hoped that the poetic licence of the bard, in having lengthened the syllable fe as above will be for- given, as the word should certainly be pronounced thus, siultifera. Even* the great and classic Mr. Pope has not scrupled to take a liberty more unclussical in abbreviat- ing the pronunciation of the English word satellites , which, if properly read, would render his line short and inhar- monious; but if regarded as Latin, even then the poet is wrong, as it should be, according to grammatical rules, satellita. u Jove’s satellites are less than Jove.” 6 THE SHIP OF FOOtS. This, however, is not the only instance, as similar li- berties have been taken by most of our poetical writers, and on that plea the annotator grounds his hope, that the public will excuse the license taken by the present bard. SECTION II. OF NEW FASHIONS, AND FOOLS THAT WEAK DISGUISED GARMENTS. Ad populum phaleras, ego te intus et in cute novi. Go hide thy face, dame Decency, while I Descant on fashions and our ladies’ dress; Their modes are folly, and their drapery One yard of gauze # to cover nakedness. With lawn transparent are their bosoms bound, Alluring ev’ry eye to view the sight ; While stomach, taper waist, and contour round. Are visible thro’ cambric twin’d so tight. * It is absolutely impossible to walk the streets of Lon- don, without witnessing the truth of this remark ; as the ladies, not contented with parading all but naked , must needs heighten the scene, by grasping tightly round them the small portion of drapery they have, whereby the whole contour from the waist downwards, is just as per- ceptible, as if they had no covering at all. 8 THE SHIP OF FOOLS. One petticoat or drawers # of muslin thin, From heav’n’s rude blast protects the fragile maid ; Maid did I say — What difference in the sin. The harlot’s act, or limbs by lust array’d ? Or view the milliner’s inventive art, In hips elastic, and full swell behind ; Stays “ a la Je ne + sfais quoi ,” at once impart, That nature’s naught without such modes re- fin’d. * As a trifling effort of Boreas might elevate, or the rude push of a passenger cause a rent in the thin petticoat or chemise, whereby a total exposure would be inevita- ble, the expedient of wearing drawers of muslin has been resorted to, which, in some instances, are converted by Dashers into trowsers, with the addition of a deep fringe of lace, which is carefully displayed by the short- ness of the petticoat dangling about the ancles. So much for decency ! -f This article of dress, not only obviates any pressure upon the bosom, but, if necessity requires it, substitutes, by cotton wadding, any deficiency. With respect to the stomach, and Butler’s renowned seat of honour, the wadd- ing is also continued to that part, with the addition of whalebone, so as to compress the devan t , and give elas- OF NEW FASHIONS. 9 Naught was the swelling Pad # compar’d to this. Indeed, for beauty it was ne’er design’d ; But that a woman still might seem a miss, A single hour before she was confin’d. Tight let the Grecian tresses bind the head. And countless ringlets, “ A la Recamieref ” ticity and rotundity to the derriere , by which means, should the rude touch of an inebriated carman chance to come in contact with honour’s throne, the grasp would not be felt, and that much redoubted seat of majesty* would consequently escape insult. * This convenient appendage to the stomach, levelled at once all distinctions with single and married ladies, ex- cepting, that what was artificial in the mother, was fre- quently natural in the daughter . f This appellation was derived from the Parisian lady who gave the ton to a vast profusion of cork-screw curls, ranged upon the forehead like rows of twisted wires, simi- lar to what are placed Uear the cranks of bells to give them elasticity. In order to produce the thin glossy appear- ance which constitutes the beauty of these tresses, (not unlike the love locks in the time of Charles the First) it is necessary, afier curling with the irons, to divide and sub- divide each ringlet, which is then passed through the fingers of the dressing woman, who has previously wetted them with some sweet scented oil. 10 THE SHIP OF FOOLS. In greasy order o’er the front be spread. The whole a perucjue *, fye on nat’ral hair. The deaden’d lustre of that once bright eye, Thetinge vermilion with white lead conjoin’d, Fain would revive, while health’s rose blooming dye, By dissipation long hath been purloin’d. Naked the arms, the shoulders too are bare. Lest calves and ancles blush men’seyes to meet In silk array’d ; while crimson f clocks compare To flames of fire on Satan’s cloven feet. * As to nature, she has literally no more to do with modern taste in this particular, than a magpie has occasion for a Greek lexicon. How, in the name of common sense* should the simple goddess define what is so suitable to our complexions as we ourselves can ? besides, what would become of Mr. Collick the hair-merchant, and the nume- rous gentlemen of Mr. Vicary’s calling — No lady of ton can possibly think of less than ten wigs in constant wear, in short, there should be one suited to every look and to every passion. f The diversity of coloured silk stockings, which have graced the legs of our Belles, has conduced, it is ima- gined, to heighten their predeliction for making those 4 OF NEW FASHIONS. 11 No more must female beauties be conceal’d. Poor decency, alas ! hath had a fall ; For men were us’d to wed charms unreveal’d; But now they marry what is known to all. l’envoy of the poet. Though common decency implores in vain. Still must I counsel, and the truth disclose ; For nakedness ensures rheumatic pain, So be advis’d, my maids, put on your clothes. THE poet’s CHORUS TO FOOLS. Come trim the boat, row on each Kara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis. limbs so very public, by a uniform method now adopted of twitching up the gown on one side as high as the garter, “ Iloni soit qui mal y pense.” Some fashionables, however, have not confined these har- lequinade hose to their own legs, but have equipped even their lacqueys in variegated stockings. We do not, how- ever, mean by this, any comparison whatsoever with the las jaunatre of our blue-coat boys, the former being the insignias of puppyism and folly, whereas the latter, are the united badges of charity, wisdom, and science. ( 12 ) SECTION III. OF OLD FOOLS — VIZ. THE LONGER THEY LIVE THE MORE THEY ARE GIVEN TO FOLLY. The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness. Solomon. Spite of the winters thou hast told. Thy frozen blood, thy visage old. Thy reason still is mute : ’Tis not the infancy of age That lulls thy sense — ’tis still the rage To wear the youthful suit. Thine hairs of honour turn’d quite grey. By thee contemn’d, are shorn away, In flaxen tresses ’ray’d # ; * Every reader must allow the justice of these remarks of the poet, for even the most casual observer cannot saun- ter down Bond Street in the fashionable season, without witnessing living objects of this cast, whose grey hairs, f OF OLD FOOLS. 13 Instead of suit demure 1 see. Thy wither’d frame in foppery Through Bond Street oft parade. 1 hear no precepts from thy tongue. To check th’ imprudence of the young. Thyself more fool than they ; Experience having knock’d in vain To gain admittance to thy brain, Obscur’d is wisdom’s ray. The wise contemn, the young deride, For thee respect is e’en deny’d ; From sentiment exempt; the insignias of age, and the ensurers of respect, are shaven off; while in their place is substituted a curly boyish wig, accompanied with the extravagant livery of the latest fashion, and gouty feet wedged into thin dress pumps, which, notwithstanding their natty appearance convince the wearer at every step, by the acuteness of the twinge endured, that the guise of youth does not become him. Yet, all in vain, he bids defiance to advice, nor heeds the poet who exclaims, Sperne voluptates, nocet empta dolore voluptas. 14 THE SHIP OF FOOLS. Thy death-bed views thee void of friend. When gone, no tongue laments thine end. Thy passing knell’s — Contempt l’envoy of the poet. The hoary head, with wisdom’s radiance crown’d. Lives to inculcate what experience taught ; In death bequeathing this bright truth profound, I liv’d to learn — left others wisdom fraught. THE poet’s CHORUS TO FOOLS. Come trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis. * It is most assuredly a matter of serious regret, that the vain folly of old persons is far more detrimental to the rising generation than to themselves. With what de- gree of confidence, let me ask, can the preceptor and in- structor produce as an example, such a father to the pu- pil he is tutoring? If his lessons are correct, they must inevitably hold up the parent in a contemptible and de- based point of view ; and if, on the other hand, he vin_ dicates the follies of the father, he extends the fostering hand to vice, and thus willingly contaminates the mind which he was imperiously called upon to rear in the paths of science, virtue, and honour. A testa bianca spesso cervello manca. ( 1 $ ) SECTION IV. OF OLD FOOLS WHO HANKER AFTER YOUNG WOMEN. Concubitu prohibere vago. Hast thou sixty winters counted, And on back of goat still mounted With a colt’s tooth # in thine head : Front quite bald, and small eyes leering. Lips which still proclaim thee steering To the harlot’s reeking bed ? Now by some dark alley f waiting. Hottest lust thy soul elating, All thy wither’d limbs on fire ; * There might be many instances adduced of this pro- pensity still remaining in full force with persons, though not even a stump of the strongest grinder is left in their jaws. Such a deficiency, however, is easily replaced by rows of ivory, which speedily imbibe a deep yellow tinge, a certain index of the raging and unquenchable fire that burns within. f The picture here displayed by the poet, cannot be 16 THE SHIP OF FOOLS. Knees unsteady, legs quite spindle, Bloodless frame, that seems to dwindle. Parch’d with feverish vain desire. All thy life one scene of riot. Days unsteady, nights unquiet. Fancy ever on the rack ; Forming plans for which thou’rt thirsting. But on trial prove disgusting, Heaping ennui on thy back. Senseless ideot; driveler* tell me, Think’st thou virtue e’er will sell thee. Mind untainted, beauty, grace ! more strikingly exemplified than in the first plate of the Harlot’s Progress, from the pencil of that inimitable sa- tirist, Hogarth, which displays the arrival of a beautiful country girl in the metropolis, who is supposed to have that moment alighted from the waggon, being accosted by an artful procuress ; while in the back ground appears the infamous Colonel C rt — s, her employer, whose age and attitude may serve as a resemblance of our poet’s hoary headed debauchee. * Nothing affords matter for more melancholy reflection, than to witness this dotage in men who, during the vi- gour of manhood, ennobled themselves; a striking instance of which is recorded in the person of the renowned Ed- OF OLD FOOLS. 17 ^[ged impotence *, believe me. All thy fancy ’d joys deceive thee, Thine’s the harlot’s bought embrace. l’envoy of the poet. The soul’s great bane is mental idleness : Watch ev’ry thought, nor let the mind be mute. ward III. who, at the age of 77, was the slave of one Alice Pearce, whom he denominated the “ Lady of beauty ”, and in whose honour tiltings and tournaments were held in Smithfield, at which the court attended. But nothing can more pointedly display the folly of such conduct than the close of that great man’s life, who was attended on his death-bed by this fascinating dame, who, finding the monarch’s end fast approaching, threw aside all those fascinations which she had been in the habit of adopting to subjugate him, and, blind to every principle but that of interest, even at the trying hour of dissolu- tion, she busied herself in tearing the jewels from off his fingers, and possessing every thing valuable that pre- sented itself to her view. * The great and politic Elizabeth, when in her 76th year, doted on the memory of the Earl of Essex, for whom a solemn dance was given, at which Mrs. Tiffin, one of her ladies, was habited in character, and presented C IS THE SHIP OF FOOLS. If temperance in youth checks rash excess, Its sober pleasures with its years shall suit. THE poet’s CHORUS TO FOOLS. Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis. herself to the queen, who, pretending to be surprised at her appearance, demanded, “ Pray, who are you ?”