LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS AT URBANA-CHAMPAIGN IN MEMORY OF STEWART S. HOWE JOURNALISM CLASS OF 1928 STEWART S. HOWE FOUNDATION 301.42 W754b I \ ' p (w ' M (,Cv s / C^/ // rr/ / sWly MMmmmix 7. V l f> f’/t V / I yt Jtr ctyy r, r // 7/ / v BRIDAL GREETINGS: H garriage gift, IN WHICH THE MUTUAL DUTIES OP HUSBAND AND WIPE ABE FAMILIARLY ILLUSTRATED AND ENFORCED. By Rey. DANIEL WISE, AUTHOR OF “THB PATH OF LIFE,” ** CHRISTIAN LOVE,” ETC. Marriage is the Mother of the World, and preserves kingdoms, and fills cities, and churches, and heaven itself. — Jkremv Taylor, Lady, thy marriage-bells are ringing,— Mrs. Abdy. TWENTY-NINTH THOUSAND. Neto JDork: PUBLISHED BY CARLTON & PORTER, 200 MULBERRY-STREET. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1850 BY LANE & SCOTT, in the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the Southern District of New-York. 30/ V* lA/vftjJr ”/ / / / J / * / rf / 3 / r S > tynhu. Q. & K If the reader expects to find highly wrought sentimentality or romantic fan¬ cies in the succeeding pages, he had better lay them down, and seek for gra¬ tification elsewhere. But if a desire to learn somewhat of the stem realities of rugged life, and to profit by timely cau¬ tions, animates the heart, then the author can cordially invite his reader to a more intimate acquaintanceship. Time is too short, the purposes of life are too ex¬ alted, and the dangers of human exist- 4 PREFACE. ence too fearful, to admit of any trifling, even on the festival of marriage. Mar- riage is not a small matter, however lightly its solemn vows may escape from thoughtless lips. Nay, its influences are “ great for good or for evil, because of the unfathomable mysteries that lie shrouded in the growth on earth of an immortal soul. ,, Happiness or woe, heaven or hell, will issue from the mar¬ riage covenant. It would, therefore, most surely be out of place to present the “contracting parties” with aught that would weaken their ideas concern- _ . v, -*’■**•" ». » . ■,t • i • % mg the responsibility of their new re¬ lation. # Deeply impressed with these truths, I have prayerfully written this little work. PREFACE. 5 I have aimed to make every sentence profitable to the reader; yet, in doing this, I have sought to give interest and vivacity to grave truths by illustrations drawn from real experience; for, to use the lines of Tasso:— . ; • :' ' ' KM J " So the fond mother her sick infant blinds, Sprinkling the edges of the cup she gives With sweets ; delighted with the balm it finds Round the sweet brim, the medicine it receives,— Drinks the delusive draught, and, thus deluded, lives.” •. •' • / | Jj ,7. Vi 1 f; J • ‘ ■ Trusting that I shall hereby contribute ■ i ;r > ■ ' : ' ; .-o, to the real and final happiness of the » , • newly married, I confide the result of my labours to the keeping of Christ, without whose blessing it will prove but Si" S !■:. a fruitless effort. Let the reader, in perusing my 6 PREFACE. thoughts, do as I have done in writing them—seek light and grace to profit, at the throne of Infinite Wisdom; and then reader and author will have occa¬ sion to rejoice in eternity over their mu¬ tual acquaintance. D. Wise. Fall River , Mass., 1849. (Cnufritti CHAPTER I. GREETINGS AND CAUTIONS. Address to the Bride—Blended Images—Solemnity proper on Wedding Occasions—Goethe—Jeremy Taylor—Poetical Extract—The Bride’s Strength— Good wishes of Friends—Extract from Barry Corn¬ wall—The Bridegroom addressed—A Wish from Vaughn—Address to both Bride and Bridegroom— Social Happiness must be sought—Montgomery to the newly Wedded—An inexperienced Youth—Un¬ suspected Folly—Hope the Genius of most Mar¬ riages—Extravagant Expectations of Happiness dis¬ couraged—Sorrow the Destiny of all—Extract on human Pleasures—Dr. Fuller—A Question and its Answer.Page 13 CHAPTER H. ON AVOIDING THE FIRST QUARREL. Only one dangerous Quarrel in Married Life—Bridai Incredulity—Effect of the first Quarrel—Courtship and its Influence on Married Life—The Honey-moon —Discoveries—The crisis of Conjugal Bliss—Influ¬ ence of Trifles—Jeremy Taylor on beginning Right —The Boiled Egg and the Testy Bride—The offend¬ ed Bridegroom—The Quarrel—The Separation— How to avoid the Danger.33 8 CONTENTS CHAPTER HI. OF BEGINNING MARRIED LIFE RELIGIOUSLY. Marriage is a Divine Institution—Consistent with Re¬ ligious Enjoyment—Scruples—Fletcher’s Scruples —His Spirituality in the Married State—Fletcher’s Argument against his own Scruples—The Holiest Persons have been Married—Possibility of Religiou in the Married State shown—Marriage too fre¬ quently an Occasion of Sin—Unnecessary—A com¬ mon Excuse for not Erecting a Family Altar—The Bridal Home should be Consecrated to God—The Benefits of such a Dedication—Tertullian—Public Worship—Sabbath Arrangements—Domestics and the Sabbath—A Rule recommended—The Daring of those who Marry irreligiously—The Tree—An Irreligious Home will become Joyless—A Lamenta¬ tion over such—Exhortation to Marry Christ—Con¬ solation in thoughts of Reunion—Simon Marechal and his Heroic Wife.Page 32 CHAPTER IV. OF RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES. The B»dde and Bridegroom belonging to different Per¬ suasions—A Danger—Avoidable—Compromise re¬ commended—Submission and Union urged—Hus¬ band’s rights over the Children—One of the Parties unconverted—Serious Difficulty—Duty of the Chris¬ tian thus circumstanced—The chief Object—How to Succeed—Emily Churchill—Her Experience— Marriage—Her Mind revived—The. Effort—An en¬ couraging Fact—The Scoffer’s Conversion—His con¬ fession- -Domestic Persecutions—Robert Willis and CONTENTS 9 his bitter Wife—All domestic Persecution contempt¬ ible—The Sea of Life viewed—Tasso’s Pilot—The best Way.Page 45 CHAPTER V. OF RELATIVES AND FRIENDS. The Future—A Prize—New Relations—The step¬ mother and Maiden Sister—The Wife a Queen in her Home—A melancholy Example—Madame Guion and her Step-mother—Madame Guion’s Misery— Cautions in regard to Relatives—Old Friends—How to be treated—An ideal Picture—Henrietta and Henry Burgess—An important Lesson—Some old Friendships to be discontinued—Confidants unne¬ cessary to Married Persons—Sad Effects—Mutual and Entire Confidence recommended—Extract from Tupper—An impropriety described . . .68 CHAPTER VI. HOME AND ITS ARRANGEMENTS. A Home needed—Its Character not dependent on its Cost—Forethought Needful—Wisdom of the Swal¬ low—An Etching—The unwise Housekeepers—The two Tenements—Expensive Furniture—Increased Expenses—Business Embarrassments—Insolvency —Misery—Poor Richard’s saying—Simple Rules— Expenditures and Income—Expense Account—Pro dent Calculations—Covetousness Deprecated—Ne¬ cessity for Saving illustrated—O l giving Parties— The new Sofa—The Girandoles—The Party—Ellen’s Chagrin—Remarks on Parties—Independent Action urged—Cheap Purchases—Sayings of Franklin. 84 10 CONTENTS. CHAPTER VII. ON MAKING HOME HAPPY. The first Year of Married Life important—Conjugal Love a delicate Plant—The spirit makes the home —The eccentric Bridegroom—The Philosophy of a happy Home—Motto on a Wedding Ring—Selfish¬ ness must be avoided—Extract from Dr. Wayland— Conrad and Matilda—Catharine Adorna—Her Con¬ quest of a Selfish Husband—The Husband must supply the Wants of his Family liberally—Indolent Husbands censured—Alexander and Maria—Fretting and Scolding—The fretful Husband—The complain¬ ing Wife—Dante and his wife Gemma—Rousseau on Empire of Woman—Beautiful Extract—Solomon— Bishop Patrick—Mrs. Hemans—The Yaudois Wife to her Husband ...... Page 103 CHAPTER VUI. ON CONFORMITY TO CIRCUMSTANCES. The Pastor’s Visit—The Home-sick Wife—Her Folly —A Contrast—Mrs. Pickard—Her admirable Self- denial—The discontented Wife—The Clergyman’s Bride—John Wesley’s Wife—Catharine Von Bora— Which does the Bride admire ?—Minister’s Wife must enter into the Spirit of his Profession—The high Character of his Mission—Heroism under Trials —Illustration—Appeal to the Minister’s Bride—A touching Exhibition of Conjugal respect—A Hint for Husbands—Sympathy for a Wife the Husband’s duty—Mountford on Sympathy—How the Husband must Sympathize—Poetical Extract. • .125 CONTENTS 11 CHAPTER IX. OF DOMESTIC SERVANTS. Servants great Plagues—Abraham and Lot—The Re¬ lation ai effect of Sin—Best to Dispense with Help —The Expense of keeping Help considered—Extract —Bad Temper of hired Help—Its Effect on Family Happiness—Sad Influence of wicked Servants on Children—Folly of keeping Help for Fashion sake— Poor Health makes Help needful for some—Pious Servants are Family Jewels—Catholic Help—May we keep Such if they will not attend Family Prayer ? —Question of Priestly dictation considered—How to do Good to Catholic Help—General Principles of Treatment—Burns—System in House-keeping— The Wife must Superintend in Person—Solomon’s Picture of a good Housewife—An illustrative Nar* rative—Concluding Note . . . Page 146 X V I - - * •. . • > ’• ' *>»<» ' jA '-1.' ■! tf; : 'V < I?** • ^ 1 ->'r the intruding counsels of others. Hear *ur philosophizing poet once more:— “ If thou wilt be loved, render implicit confidence : If thou wouldst not suspect, receive full confidence in turn: 6 2 BRIDAL GREETINGS. For where trust is not reciprocal, the love that trusted withereth. Hide not your grief nor your gladness; be open one with the other; Let bitterness be strange unto your tongues ; but , i sympathy a dweller in your hearts. Imparting halveth the evils, while it doubleth the pleasures of life; But sorrows breed and thicken in the gloomy bosom of reserve.”—T upper. I once knew a married lady, virtuous, affectionate, and pious, into whose family a young gentleman of respectable character and insinuating manners was introduced foi a few days. The lady’s husband was very properly accustomed to call his wife by her name, Emma. The gentleman visitor, hitherto a stranger, had not been domiciled with them more than two days before he also began to speak to the lady by the name of Emma. And the husband had to endure the mortification of hearing his wife hourly addressed after the following man¬ ner by one who was almost a stranger j " Emma, will you take a walk this after* BRIDAL GREETINGS. 83 noon ?” or, “ Emma, how do you like this author ?” or, “ Emma, I will thank you for another cup of tea.” The lady received this familiar address with evident pleasure. It was innocently offered, and as purely received. But what bride cannot see the imprudency of that wife ? Learn, then, young bride and bridegroom, that even innocent familiari¬ ties are not to be allowed between you and persons of opposite sexes. Compel all who enter your habitation to observe the strict¬ est proprieties of Christian intercourse, by maintaining a becomingly dignified deport¬ ment, and discouraging the first approaches toward their violation. A contrary course has entailed jealousy and ruin on the par¬ ties times without number. 84 BRIDAL GREETINGS. ^THo mb ttg &ramgemmt0« Your relation of man and wife occasion! a necessity hitherto unfelt You need a home which you may call your own, and n which you will be the sovereigns. Hitherto you have been dwellers in the home of your parents ; now you, in your turn, must create a home for yourselves. The cha¬ racter of that home depends entirely upon yourselves. You may be rich, and some proud mansion, with it3 soft carpets and stately rooms, may await your occupation; or you may be poor, and some humble cot, with its simple furniture, may be your lot. Which of these two extremes is yours, mat¬ ter but little; indeed, the outward appear¬ ance has very little to do with the character of the home you are about to form. It is in your power to create a domestic heaven in the lowliest cottage; you can suffer the tor¬ ments of a social hell in the most princely BRIDAL GREETINGS. 85 dwelling. Whether, therefore, your sphere be that of merchant princes, of the sturdy tillers of the soil, the laborious artisans, the toilers in professional life, or of those whose only capital and skill lie in their strength of muscle and their will to labour, you should make an immutable purpose to create a happy home,—a home like that of Montgomery’s shepherd,— “ The fairy ring of bliss.” As the power to do so lies within your¬ selves, be resolute to call it forth. Your will, more potent than Aladdin’s lamp, can call into existence, if not the most splendid, at least the most happy home on earth. But to do this some prudent forethought is necessary. Mountains, you know, are composed of atoms, and oceans of tiny drops. These are so essential, that if the atoms and drops be taken away, the moun¬ tains and oceans disappear. It is even so with a happy home. If certain little prac¬ tical things are lacking in its formation,. S6 BRIDAL GREETINGS. it will soon cease to be the abode of bliss. It would be great folly, even for a bird, if a pair of newly mated swallows should build an eagle’s nest on the summit of a tall mountain crag for their home. Per¬ haps the world contains no pair of swal¬ lows sufficiently unwise to build such a nest. No; the little creatures, taught by their divine instincts, prefer the lowlier shelter of house or barn. It would have been well for many a human pair had they taken lessons in prudence from the birds, as the following etching from real life will u o prove:— Mr. Stephen Hale and Miss Maria Adams became man and wife. They spent their honey-moon with their friends, and, after some six or eight weeks, made preparations to create a home for them¬ selves. Mr. Hale was a retail merchant, doing a business which gave him an in¬ come of about six hundred dollars. His bride brought him a small sum, perhaps BRIDAL GREETINGS. 87 three hundred dollars; all his capital was invested in his business, and could not be safely withdrawn. Their first attempt was to hire a suitable tenement. They proceeded, in company, to examine the various habitations which were “ to let.” Several were rejected as too small, too large, or inconvenient. At last they found two adapted to their ne cessities. “ Well, Maria, which shall I hire ?” askef Mr. Hale on their return home. “I prefer the one on B-street; it in the most genteel street, and is moi fashionably finished. The paper in th parlour is very beautiful,” replies th young wife. w Yes, that is all true, Maria; and I pre fer that house as a matter of taste; bu since the other, in D - street, is we situated, very convenient, and twenty-fiv dollars per annum less rent, I am incline to engage it as a matter of economy.” u 0,1 hope you won’t, Stephen. Twenty 88 BRIDAL GREETINGS. five dollars on a year’s rent is not much. The house in B- street is so genteelly finished, and will look so beautiful when it is furnished; I do hope you will take my choice.” 44 But, Maria, had we not better study economy? One hundred and seventy dol¬ lars a year is a very high rent for me to pay in my circumstances. I can manage pretty well to pay one hundred and forty- five, though that is high for my re¬ sources.” 44 1 know it is rather high for us to pay; but do let us take it for one year, and we will try to economize in some other way.” When could a fond young husband re¬ sist the pleadings of a coaxing bride ? The reader already anticipates the result. Ma¬ ria is successful. The house in B-street? is hired. This done, they proceed to select their furniture. It has been agreed between them that to enable Mr. Hale to proceed unembarrassed in his business, Maria’s BRIDAL GREETINGS. 89 three hundred dollars should be expended on furniture. With ordinary prudence in the purchases, this sum would prove amply sufficient. But their house is in a genteel neighbour¬ hood, and must be genteelly furnished. They must have at least one room fit to receive company. The carpet, therefore, must be Brussels; the tables of the newest fashion; the chairs mahogany: they must have a set of candelabras, an astral, and a fine sofa. Thus pleaded Maria; the hus¬ band yielded, though with some misgivings, and when they had selected their parlour furniture one-half of Maria’s money was expended. Still, the idea of gentility prevailed. They went on purchasing, until, when all was obtained, and the bills came in, Mr. Hale found himself obliged to draw upon his business resources for one hundred dollars. “ Never mind, Stephen: if I had not had my three hundred dollars it would have 90 BRIDAL GREETINGS. cost you much more, you know. And see how nice our rooms appear! Isn’t this parlour genteel? And our sitting-room is almost good enough for a parlour. Now tell me, don’t you think everything is in beautiful order?” Mr. Hale is, of course, silenced, if not convinced, by these bridal persuasives. They are now fairly out on the fickle sea of domestic life. For a time the wind seems favourable, the waters are tolerably smooth, and the sky clear. After a few months, however, a cloud lowers. Maria must keep a servant. Stephen is willing, but fears he cannot meet the additional expense. His business still feels the loss of that hundred dollars expended for furni¬ ture, and the rent makes a heavy draught on his income. Still, there is no alterna¬ tive. Maria’s health is growing delicate, and a servant is added to the family. The first year of their married life is gone. A fine little boy is in the arms of Mr. Hale, who feels a manly pride as he BRIDAL GREETINGS. 91 beholds this new treasure. The sickness of Maria, and her unwillingness to leave so genteel a neighbourhood, prevents them from moving, and the house in B- street is hired for another year. Expenses continue to increase in the little family, until, at the expiration of the second year, Mr. Hale ^ascertains that he has- exceeded his income, and is going be¬ hind. He pleads with Maria to move into a cheaper house; but her pleadings are still successful. The house in B-street is engaged the third year. That third year has not expired ere Mr. Stephen Hale is insolvent. He settles as he can with his creditors, and, much morti¬ fied, removes his residence to a much cheaper and really inferior house. He is a discouraged man, and henceforth strug¬ gles to find a maintenance for his growing family; whereas, by prudent economy in the commencement, he might have lived with¬ out embarrassment There are thousands of families situated 92 BRIDAL GREETINGS. as we have just left Mr. and Mrs. Hale, who begin their married life under equally favourable auspices, and who, by prudent arrangements, might have lived out all their days in pecuniary comfort. They have learned the truth of Poor Richard’s proverb: “ Pride breakfasted with plenty, dined with poverty, and supped with in¬ famy.” If the bridal pair, into whose hands these pages may fall, will follow the few simple rules which I am about to give, they will almost infallibly escape the fate of Maria and her husband. And, first of all, there should be a frank and full explanation of your pecuniary re¬ sources. The husband must let his wife know precisely what his means are. You must then agree together to keep your ex¬ penditures within your income. They must not be on a scale of equality with it, be¬ cause you are liable to a variety of casual expenses which can be met only by having some surplus resources. Adopt this, there- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 93 fore, as an imperative rule, “We will LIVE WITHIN OUR INCOME.” This is easily said, but not so easily done; especially if your income is barely sufficient for comfortable support. Much decision, self-denial, and economical skill, will be requisite to carry your resolution into prac¬ tice. You must regulate the rent of your dwelling, the character of your diet, the costliness of your clothing, and especially your little expenses , by this rule. The habits of others, and even their remarks on your mode of living, must exert no influ¬ ence over your purpose. The peace and happiness of your entire life depend, in a very high degree, upon the habits of ex¬ penditure formed during the first years of your married life. To carry out this principle with success, you will find it necessary to keep an exact account of your expenditures. A little book can be easily procured for this purpose. By this means you can tell at a glance the pre¬ cise state of your affairs. It will also serve 94 BRIDAL GREETINGS. as a powerful check on your small expenses . The little sums paid out for ices, confec¬ tionary, pastry, cigars, perfumeries, soda water, and various other useless, not to say injurious luxuries, by many small families, form the unseen leak which is sinking them to ruin. A rigid account of daily expenses, faithfully kept, will enable you to see the actual cost of these u little expenses” and thereby lead you to save for real necessi¬ ties and benevolent purposes. There should also be some prudent calcu¬ lations concerning the future. Some small resources should be provided for the “ rainy days ” of life and for old age, if God should spare you to see them. I have sometimes doubted whether a Christian was bound to lay up property for future contingencies; but my doubts have passed away. Those scriptures which forbid us to lay up trea¬ sures on earth, refer to that covetous spirit which converts perishable gold into a deity, and makes property peculiarly the treasure of the soul. Such a spirit I deprecate. I BRIDAL GREETINGS. 95 warn you against it as you value your sal¬ vation. It is not to the accumulation of riches I urge you, but merely to provide for casualties and conditions to which you are liable. God has given us a variety in the seasons of the year. By this arrangement the earth is fruitful only at a given period. By that fact He teaches us the duty of laying by a store of food in summer to meet the de¬ mands of our nature during the winter. Should we, through wilful prodigality, re¬ fuse to co-operate with this manifest law of nature, and waste the summer fruits in ex¬ travagant splf-indulgence, we could hope for nothing but suffering in winter. Is it not equally so with the periods and laws of life? Life has its seasons. Its infancy is the season of dependence; its youth, of preparation; its manhood, of action and production; its age, of rest and depend¬ ence. God has provided natural protectors for the first season of dependency; the parent is the provider for the infant: but 96 BRIDAL GREETINGS. for tlie last he has made none, unless it be said the child should then provide for the parent. True, lie should, rather than see his parent suffer; but he has his own bur* dens to bear; his own provision to collect • his own children to maintain. Every pa¬ rent, therefore, should, if it be possible, make provision to meet the wants of the final period of life, without being dependent on his children. If these views are correct, the new mar¬ ried pair should begin their household arrangements so as to meet this necessity, and resolve to lay aside a small weekly or annual sum for the casualties and necessi¬ ties of life. A prolific cause of pecuniary embarrass¬ ment and domestic disagreement in many families is, the giving of frequent parties. They involve large expenses, both directly and incidentally. They excite discontent, pride, envy, and other evil passions. I do not say these consequences are the neces¬ sary fruits of social parties; I merely de- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 97 scribe them as they exist in society gene- rail v. A lady, for example, decides, in concert with her husband, to have a party. Who shall be invited is the first question. The husband objects to one, the wife to another. One family is omitted from prejudice, an other from pride, a third because they did not invite them to their last social gather¬ ing. Thus, if the husband and wife make out the list without a positive disagree¬ ment, they bring a variety of improper emotions into action, and are made morallv 7 y worse. The next thing will be to prepare the house for the reception of the invited guests. In doing this, the lady is reminded of some defect in the style, or deficiency in the quantity of her furniture. She will then greet her husband, on his return from his place of business, with a request of this sort, “ My dear, don’t you think we need a sofa for our front parlour ?” “ No. Ellen, I do not. Our parlour 7 98 BRIDAL GREETINGS. looks very well now; and I cannot afford to purchase a sofa at present.” “ But you know that the Ellingtons have a beautiful sofa in their parlour; and when they come to our house, our furniture will look mean in their eyes. A sofa would add very much to the appearance of the front parlour.” “ It would look yery well, Ellen ; but we do not need it. We have a very good sofa in the back parlour; and, so long as we are satisfied, we must not care about the opinions of the Ellingtons or any one else.” “I do not care a great deal about the opinions of others, Henry; but I do like to appear as well as my neighbours: and I don’t think I shall enjoy the party unless you get me a new sofa.” The dialogue proceeds, and the result is, that Ellen succeeds in overcoming the scruples of her husband. The front par¬ lour is graced by the presence of a new and fashionable sofa. BRIDAL GREETINGS. 99 But Ellen is not yet satisfied. Another of her friends, she recollects, had a beauti¬ ful set of girandoles on the mantel. They were greatly admired by the company pre¬ sent: for the first time she perceives that her own mantel looks very bare; she cer¬ tainly must have the girandoles. As be¬ fore, the reluctant husband consents, and the desired ornaments are brought home. Thus prepared, the party is given. Ellen and her husband labour hard to entertain the company. Several hours are passed in the confusion of mixed conversation, in which the characters, dress, and circum¬ stances of their acquaintances are pretty thoroughly discussed; but it would be diffi¬ cult to find a single person who is in the least benefited. The evening has been ' passed in idle and frivolous conversation, altogether beneath the dignity of the Chris¬ tian character, and the visitors have there¬ fore suffered harm. Ellen is much chagrined ; for amidst the confusion of tongues, she thought she 100 BRIDAL GREETINGS. heard some one censure her for extrava¬ gance, and for looking up in the world , on account of the sofa and girandoles. Henry is in no better mood, for the expenses have much exceeded their estimate, and he is fearful of embarrassment in his business. Such is the history of vast numbers of parties; and if the newly married intend to be economical, and to live a happy life, let them resolve not to fall into this habit There is no religious profit to be derived from social parties; but, on the contrary, much evil to be suffered. Seek your plea¬ sure at home. Depend on your own re¬ sources for enjoyment. Books, rational conversation, and the occasional presence of a few select friends, to pass an evening by your fireside, will furnish unfailing sources of innocent pleasure, without re¬ sorting to the fashionable, but evil custom of giving large parties. And as to the senseless charge of being unfashionable, you must treat it with profound and silent contempt BRIDAL GREETINGS. 101 A corresponding independence of action in regard to dress, servants, &c., must be maintained if you determine to prosper. Study to be bappy within your own circle; make that a “ dear domestic round,” and the “ enchanting circle,” and it will be of small consequence to you who sneers without. Among the quaint sayings of the im¬ mortal Franklin are these: “At a great pennyworth pause awhileand, “ Many have been ruined by buying good penny¬ worths ;” and again, “ Buy what thou hast no need of, and ere long thou shalt sell thy necessaries.” These proverbs are directed against a most ruinous practice among many housekeepers of buying a thing be¬ cause it is cheap. There is ruin in this habit; for nothing is cheap that you do not really want. Avoid it, therefore, and adopt as a rule in your domestic economy, 44 We will never purchase what we do not really want.” If the young bride and bridegroom will 102 BRIDAL GREETINGS. seriously study these practical hints, and resolutely reduce them to practice, they can hardly fail to prosper in the affairs of this life. Remember th»e saying of Frank¬ lin, the Solomon of his age, that, “ They that will not be counselled cannot be help¬ ed;” and again, “If you will not hear reason, she will surely rap your knuckles.” BRIDAL GREETINGS. 103 GJHLftFinSlR WKRo ®n making ^ajujuj). The first year of married life usually de¬ cides its character for weal or woe. During that time the parties either assimilate and accommodate their different characteristics to each other, or else they beget a progeny of animosities, prejudices, and differences, which embitter the rest of their lives. The newly married should, therefore, diligently cultivate the delicate plant of conjugal love, that it may grow into a thrifty tree, be¬ neath whose pleasant shadow they may peacefully rest in after years; and with whose delicious fruit they may refresh their spirits in the great battle of life. Neglect or indifference now may shed a fatal influ¬ ence on the future; for, “ Soon fades the rose ; once past the fragrant • hour, The loiterer finds a bramble lor a flower.” 104 BRIDAL GREETINGS. I will suppose that you are now comfort¬ ably settled in your bridal home. Your house is suitably, perhaps elegantly fur¬ nished. Everything wears an aspect of beauty and neatness, and you both feel a high sense of satisfaction in being the pos¬ sessors of such a home. This is well; it i3 cause for much gratitude to your heavenly Father; but remember what has been hinted before, outiuard comforts alone will not make home happy . There are many stately halls, many magnificent mansions, whose arches and walls echo to the sighs of their unhappy owners: many homes, abounding even with riches, where the wretched couple sleep in different apart¬ ments, and loathe the chain which binds them to dwell together beneath the same roof. And there is many a cottage, bare of elegance, scarcely comfortable, in which domestic bliss sits joyously enthroned. A home is made happy, therefore, by the spirit of those who compose it, and not by the amount of outward comforts it possesses. BRIDAL GREETINGS. 105 I have somewhere read of a bridegroom who gloried in his eccentricities. He re¬ quested his bride to accompany him into the garden, a day or two after their wed¬ ding. He then threw a line over the roof of their cottage; giving his wife one end of the line, he retreated to the other side, and exclaimed, “ Pull the line !” She pulled it, at his request, as far as she could. He cried, “ Puli it over!” “ I can’t,” she replied. “ But pull with all your might,” shouted the whimsical young husband. But vain were all the efforts of the bride to pull over the line, so long as her hus¬ band held on to the opposite end. But when he came round, and they both pulled at one end, it came over with great ease. “ There!” said he, as the line fell from the roof; “you see how hard and ineffec¬ tual was our labour when we pulled in opposition to each other; but how easy and pleasant it was when we pulled together. 106 BRIDAL GREETINGS. It will be thus with us, my dear, through life. If we oppose each other, it will be hard work; if we act together, it will be pleasant to live. Let us always pull to¬ gether.” This homely illustration contains the true philosophy of a happy home. Neither of you alone can make your new home cpm- pletely happy. I am not a convert to the doctrine of an inscription said to have been engraved on an ancient wedding-ring. © © © “ One quiet, both happy,” was the motto. Doubtless, the quietude and propriety of one will do much toward the creation of a blissful home; but sorrow will be there, unless both husband and wife contribute liberally to the object. To this end, the labour must be mutual. Both must per¬ sist in diffusing a sweet spirit through its atmosphere, and the work will be accom¬ plished. You must, above all other things, divest yourselves of selfishness, which is the sure extinguisher of love; since “ confi- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 107 dence cannot dwell where selfishness is porter at the gate.” It must be the labour of each to promote and to prefer the happi¬ ness of the other. “ The marriage con¬ tract,” says a great moral philosopher, (Wayland,) “binds each party, whenever individual gratification is concerned, to pre¬ fer the happiness of the other party to its own. If pleasure can be enjoyed by both, the happiness of both is increased by en¬ joying it in common. If it can be enjoyed but by one, each should prefer that it be enjoyed by the other. And if there be sorrow to be endured, or inconvenience to be suffered, each should desire, if possible, to bear the infliction for the sake of shield¬ ing the other from pain.” This is one of the grand secrets of do¬ mestic bliss. Nothing is more destructive to real affection than to be always receiv¬ ing and never returning kindnesses, for, “such is the nature of the human affec¬ tions, that we derive a higher and a purer pleasure from rendering happy those whom 108 BRIDAL GREETINGS. we love than from self-gratification. Thus, a parent prefers self-denial, for the sake of a child, to self-indulgence. The same prin¬ ciple is illustrated in every case of pure and disinterested benevolence. This is the essential element on which depends the happiness of the married state. To be in the highest degree happy, we must each prefer the happiness of another to our own.” — Wayland’s Moral Science . But what shall one do if the other be¬ trays a spirit of selfishness, and does not contribute to the bliss of home ? In this case the injured party will require great patience and strong resolution to maintain a self-denying position—to do the duties of a true affection without the encouragements of a reciprocated love. But difficult as this task may be, it will be really easier in practice than to return neglect by reproof, or indifference by complaint. Patient per¬ severance in the duties of an unselfish affection, will have its effect on a selfish companion; perhaps it may in the end illus- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 109 trate the motto of the old wedding-ring, u One quiet, both happy'* Let me suppose a case, by way of illus¬ trating the operation of selfishness in one of its forms. Conrad is a lawyer by profession, a resident in a populous city, and quite suc¬ cessful in his toilsome profession. He is married to a lady, who makes what the world calls a good wife; and several years have passed without any very serious diffi¬ culty between them. True, they could not claim the far-famed “ flitch of bacon.” Yet no fierce storms have disturbed the serenltv * of their matrimonial sky. Four healthy children stand like thrifty “ olive plants 99 round their table, and they are happy, probably, beyond the ordinary lot of families. With all this, however, the thistle mars the beauty of their family garden. Con¬ rad’s wife, Matilda, with all her amia¬ bility, is strongly selfish. She cannot endure the privations of maternal life 110 BRIDAL GREETINGS. without frequent bursts of complaint; and there is nothing so annoying to her feelings as to have Conrad seek a recreation in which she cannot share. He has, of course, learned this long since, and has, in conse* quence, often denied himself those relaxa¬ tions which were necessary to his health, rather than awaken the displeasure of Matilda. But the toils of his profession are wear¬ ing away his energies. He feels the abso¬ lute necessity of repose, and determines to spend a week or two of the summer in visiting the Falls of Niagara. Going home one afternoon, after he has matured his plans, he addresses his wife something after the following manner:— “ Matilda, my health is failing under the continued toil of business. I must seek some relief, or I shall be sick.” u I think you are labouring too severely for your health. Why don’t you rest a little, Conrad?” “ That is what I have been thinking BRIDAL GREETINGS. Ill about; and I have concluded to spend a week or two in visiting Niagara.” © © “Well, I will go too. It will do us all good to get away from the city this hot weather.” “But, surely, you do not think of taking the children on so long a tour. Consider the fatigue they will occasion. If you will leave them at home, I will most gladly take you for the trip.” “ No, indeed ; I will not leave my chil¬ dren at home. I should not take any com¬ fort. Something might happen to them during our absence, and that would make me feel very wretched.” “ But, Matilda, your sister will take your place, and do all that you would for them. And, surely, if our health demands a brief departure from the cares of home, we may trust our little ones to the care of God.” “ If the children cannot go, Conrad, I will not; and I am sure I do not wish to be left at home while you are seeking your pleasure abroad.” 112 BRIDAL GREETINGS, “ That is an unkind remark, Matilda. I would gladly have your company if you would go under proper circumstances. If you will not, then certainly you ought to consent to my doing what may be neces¬ sary for my health.” u You can rest at home as well as at Niagara, if you choose; only you want to get away, and are willing to leave me, sick or well, to be confined like a prisoner to the house.” Matilda was, by this time, quite sour in her spirit. Conrad saw that if he took his intended journey, it would occasion bitter¬ ness between him and his wife. He there¬ fore yielded to his Matilda, who, triumphing in her conquest, little thought that, though she had won him to her selfish wishes, she had lost what was worth more to her than a year’s absence— his respect. The conduct of Madame Catharine Adorn a, an Italian lady of distinguished piety, furnishes a beautiful illustration of the power of an unselfish affection to sub- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 113 due a selfish nature. “ She was united in marriage to a person of high rank, whose temper and habits were so entirely unsuited to her own as to render her situation ex¬ ceedingly trying, and to deprive her of all happiness in that relation.”* Madame Adorn a received this trial in a truly heroic spirit. She bore the outbreaks of her husband’s temper with Christian submission ; she devoted herself to the task of making his home attractive and delight¬ ful. And she had her reward: for “ her husband’s heart relented. He saw and felt the difference, the vast difference, between himself and a true Christian. God gave her the satisfaction, in answer to her fer¬ vent prayers, attended with appropriate personal efforts, to see her husband an hum¬ bled, penitent, and altered man.And he continued in these humble and happj dispositions till the period of his departure from the world, which took place soon after/ * Life of Madame Catharine Adoma, by Prolesso* Upham 8 114 BRIDAL GREETINGS. It is indispensable to a blissful home that the husband provide for the supply of his family with a liberality proportioned to his means, and to a judicious economy. He that provideth not for his own household, according to an inspired judge, is worse than an infidel . A mean, niggardly hus¬ band is sure to win the scorn of his wife, unless she is a very superior, pious woman. The mutual confidence in financial matters I have already counselled, will go far to prevent this frequent evil. Yet, even with explanations, and good understanding of circumstances, it often happens that a stingy husband gives great uneasiness to his wife. I have known some such to allow a weekly sum for the expenses of the table, and then constantly fr^t and complain because the style of living was simple, and in keeping with the allowance. Such conduct is contemptible, and cannot fail to destroy domestic peace. But how shall I designate those indolent men who neglect to make suitable provision BRIDAL GREETINGS. 115 for their families, and thus compel their high-spirited and energetic wives to laboui like slaves in order to maintain a respect¬ able appearance. There is a meanness in such conduct that is beneath contempt; and the man who is guilty of it deserves to be banished from civilized society. I have several such husbands in my re¬ collections of past life. I will outline the features of one of them, on the same prin¬ ciple that led our ancestors to leave .the malefactor dangling in his chains on the highway. They hoped thereby to make crime a terror to the living. Young Alexander was a mechanic, of respectable parentage, and fair talents. His habits were free from all vices but that of indolence. He was late at his shop in the morning; ever complaining of being weary, and, like Goldsmith’s “ Prince Bon- bennin,” was always ready to be amused with trifles. Notwithstanding all this, Alex¬ ander won the affections of the amiable Maria, and married her. True, manv, 116 BRIDAL GREETINGS. who knew Alexander best, trembled for the happiness of Maria; but, as his cha¬ racter stood fair, and his friends were highly respected, they said nothing. For the first year or two the young couple did very well. Their expenses were small, for Maria had a plentiful ward¬ robe of her own, and Alexander’s relatives gave them an occasional present. But at length his parents died. Two children in¬ creased the cost of living very materially; and it became obvious that Alexander’s resources, without some increase of effort, were insufficient to support his family. Then came embarrassments and trials. They could not pay their rent; Maria needed a dress to appear in abroad, and could not obtain it. Alexander himself was growing shabby in his appearance. Everything bore the marks of decaying circumstances. Here, then, was a summons to act with the energy of a man. Alexander, by being prompt in the morning, and by working BRIDAL GREETINGS. 117 every day with ordinary diligence, could easily place himself above embarrassment. Maria gently pleaded with him, but in vain. He would still persist in sleeping away his morning hours: a slight indisposition made him drop his tools, and lounge away the day in an adjoining store. A political meeting, a parade of soldiers or firemen, always witnessed him among the spectators; and not unfrequently he spent a day with hook and line, on an adjacent pond. His affairs, of course, grew worse and worse. His wife saw the impending ruin ; and, failing to bestir the energies of the indolent Alexander, she set out to do, by her own skill and industry, what he ought to have done. Being well skilled in the use of the needle, she took in sewing, and, with the patient toil for which woman is distinguished, laboured by day, and far into every night, for her support. She soon succeeded in paying their debts, in clothing herself and children, and in contributing to the current expenses of the family. Since 118 BRIDAL GREETINGS. then, by the continuance of her labours, they have enjoyed the comforts of life but Maria is toiling at the expense of life. She grows old rapidly. Her hair is turning prematurely gray. She looks oppressed, care-worn, sad; though she never com¬ plains. Her unmanly husband is the wit¬ ness of this decay; but remains the same indolent, easy, and, may I not truly say, unfaithful husband. When Maria dies, he will be guilty of her blood; since his neglect to provide for her wants will unquestionably shorten her life. I cannot help despising the meanness of Alexander. The reader cannot. He is despicable beyond the power of words to describe. Then, young husband, be fixed never to resemble Alexander; but, to the best of your ability, provide liberally for her whom you have taken to your bosom, and for the children God may be pleased to give you. Let me also guard you against an evil spirit, that as surely destroys the peace of BRIDAL GREETINGS. 119 married life as the moth does a woollen garment; I mean the disposition to fret at, and to find fault with each other. Some husbands, after being vexed and tried in their business, go home with a sour temper, and breathe out their anger in surly complaints. The dinner is poor, or not cooked to their tastes; or it cost too much. Something is wrong, because they are determined to have it so: and thus the atmosphere of home is dreary and wretched. The wife is disheartened, and her soul is sad. In other families, the offender is the wife. The moment her husband enters the room his ears are annoyed by a volley of com¬ plaints. The foibles of the domestic, the faults of the children, the toil of house¬ keeping, the little daily mishaps of life, to¬ gether with a thousand and one imaginary trials, are all rained down upon his hapless head, stinging him like a shower of needles, irritating his temper, and gradually, but surely, creating a disgust of home, and an 120 BRIDAL GREETINGS. alienation of heart from his wife. A woman may imagine that she is justified in the in¬ dulgence of such a temper; she may hope for exact compliance from her husband. But such imaginations are idle, such hopes folly. It would be as reasonable to place a perishing infant beneath the pelting winter storm for resuscitation. No! The only effect of fretting and scolding in a wife is to render herself disgusting to her husband, and to blight the delicate flower of conjugal affection. Dante has given his scolding wife, Gemma, an unenviable immortality in his “ Inferno.” It is generally admitted that he alludes to her in the following lines, which he puts into the mouth of a lost soul:— ** -Me, my wife, Of savage temper, more than aught beside, Hath to this evil brought.” This is a terrible stroke on the temper of Gemma; yet not too severe: for, alas! many men have been brought to ruin in BRIDAL GREETINGS. 121 two worlds by the bitterness of fault-find¬ ing, scdlding, fretful wives. Rousseau has elegantly said:—“ The em¬ pire of woman is an empire of softness, of address, of complacency. Her commands are caresses, her menaces are tears;” and a living writer (Rev. Dr. Barnes) says,—A sweet temper, daily maintained, is more precious than great exploits; it is like the budding spring which flows gently; it is like the little rivulet gliding through the meadow, and running along day and night before the farm-house, which is far more useful than the foaming cataract. One Niagara is sufficient for the world, while it needs tens of thousands of rivulets to water its farms and gardens, and to flow on continually and everywhere. An in¬ spired writer, with still greater beauty, has also said of a truly virtuous and dutiful wife, that “ She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness;” while of the scolding wife he has written, u The contentions of a wife 122 BRIDAL GREETINGS. are a continual droppingupon which the learned Bishop Patrick has this com¬ ment:—She “drives a man to undo his family himself, when he is no more able to live at home with her, than to dwell in a rotten and ruinous house, through the roof of which the rain drops perpetually.” Resolve, then, young wife, to endure any amount of suffering, of toil, and even of injury, rather than to become a fretful, ill- tempered woman. Be sweet-tempered. Do not listen to those unthinking women who tell you you will be trampled upon unless you assert your rights, and speak for yourself. You cannot gain true as¬ cendency over a man by ill temper, but by gentleness you may. Men find so little sincere friendship abroad, so little true sympathy in the selfish world, that they gladly yield themselves to the influence of a gentle spirit at home. Mrs. Hemans has beautifully written the sentiment of many a weary-hearted husband in the fol¬ lowing spirited lines:— BRIDAL GREETINGS. 123 “ Thou hast a charmed cup, O fame. A draught that mantles high : And seems to lift this earthly frame Above mortality Away! to me—a woman—bring Sweet water from affection’s spring. “ Thou hast a voice whose thrilling tone Can bid each life-pulse beat, As when a trumpet’s note hath blown, Calling the brave to meet: But mine, let mine—a woman’s breast, By words of home-born love be bless’d.” Seek, then, young bride, to secure the calm bliss, which, like some sweet aromatic plant, now diffuses its sweet odours through the chambers of your home, by gentleness of spirit. She is the truly happy wife,— “ She that makes the humblest hearth Lovely but to one on earth.” Nor is the young husband to neglect the same spirit. It must be his ambition so to live, if it be possible, with the chosen of his affection, that, if called to close her eyes in death, her dying lips may adopt the address 124 BRIDAL GREETINGS of the expiring Yaudois wife to her hus¬ band :— u I bless thee for kind looks and words Shower’d on my path like dew ; For all the love in those deep eyes, A gladness ever new ; For the voice which ne’er to mine replied But in kindly tones of cheer; For every spring of happiness My soul hath tasted here.”—Mas. IDs mans BRIDAL GREETINGS. 125 (SEL&IPIFISIR WMKo ©n ®onfotmfog to ®iraim£tanct& 1 once called on a lady, whom I found in tolerable health, and in very comfortable pecuniary circumstances. But a cloud was on her brow, and a burden on her heart. She complained of depression of spirits; of loss of spiritual comfort, of great dis¬ couragement. I dislike all approaches to impertinent meddling with the grief of others, even in a pastor. But here was a case in which counsel would avail nothing without some knowledge of the cause of her sadness. I therefore told her to adopt the question of David, and inquire, “ Why art thou cast down, O my soul? Why art thou dis¬ quieted within me ?” Upon this she read¬ ily divulged the secret of her sorrow, by remarking, “ I am home-sick. I do not like living in this town. I shall never be happy until I get back to- 126 BRIDAL GREETINGS. “ But you have your husband and chil¬ dren here with you; and does not their presence make this your home ?” I replied. “ Yes,” said she, “ they are here, and my husband is doing well in his business; but I shall never be contented until we move back to-.” u But you surely would not have your husband abandon a profitable business, and go back to a place where he was not so fortunate, merely to gratify your feeling of home-sickness ?” I replied. u I know it is hard to ask him to do it; but stay here I cannot, and be happy,” was her reply, accompanied with signs of deep feeling. I said what occurred to me as the most suitable advice, and, after commending her to God in prayer, left her with a sincere pity for her exceeding weakness and child¬ ishness of mind. It was not a great while before she succeeded in inducing her hus¬ band to break up his business, and to leave the town. BRIDAL GREETINGS. 127 This was certainly very reprehensible conduct on the part of a wife. It dis¬ played a weakness of intellect unworthy of a woman ; a want of self-control un¬ worthy of a Christian; and a want of sub¬ mission unworthy of an affectionate wife. How must her perpetual entreaties to her husband to removO, have chafed and grieved his spirit! How he must have despised that wife in his heart for her weakness and want of love to him! How severe the toil, and oppressive the care, to which he was subjected through her whim! If he subsequently proved unsuccessful, and want invaded their home, how painful the reflections of that wife! Viewed on every side, her discontent has no excuse; it was her duty as a wife to cheerfully submit to the necessities of her husband’s business. In her marriage covenant, she had vowed to give herself to him; to exchange her early home for his, and to identify her¬ self with all his interests. Instead of being thus faithful, she deliberately 128 BRIDAL GREETINGS. sacrificed his interests to her feel¬ ings. In beautiful contrast with this unwomanly conduct, I present the example of the de¬ voted and amiable Mrs. Hannah M. Pickard.* She had married a gentle¬ man whose sphere of professional labour lay in New-Brunswick, far away from her native and beloved Boston. After a brief residence in her new home, she was spend¬ ing a few weeks in the vicinity of her natal city with her relatives. It was quite natural for a lady of her intense and delicate affec¬ tions to desire, under such circumstances, to live near her native home. She had such a wish, but, with the true heroism of woman, she suppressed it for her husband's sake. The following extract from one of her letters to Mr. Pickard, exhibits the feelings of a truly devoted and Christian wife. She is speaking of Chelsea, where she was then visiting:— © “ The Methodist society here,” she writes, * See her Memoir, by Rev. E. Otheman BRIDAL GREETINGS. 129 44 is at present, as it has been the greater part of the winter, favoured with an en¬ couraging spirit of revival. They have a very neat new chapel, to which, by the way, there are many thoughts among a circle of the members of inviting you. I find they are half ready, in New-England, to claim you on more than one account. They seem to calculate upon your coming among them, I find, though not from any encouragement or word received from me. Whatever may be my private feelings, my lips, I am purposed, shall not transgress in this matter. Far be it from me. I would not , if I could , withdraw one glance of yours from the strait and narrow way of duty.” It is easy to see the superiority of such a wife over the one in my previous etching ; • and how much more happy she would make her admiring husband. She would also increase his respect for her character, which, by the way, is a very important object for a wife w r ho would be happy, since love cannot outlive the loss of esteem. 9 130 BRIDAL GREETINGS. While some ladies are uneasy because they cannot live where they desire, others are discontented with the condition or pro¬ fession of their husbands. They are too poor to live in a style suited to their tastes, or their professions have some circumstances connected with them not agreeable to their feelings. Hence, they set themselves in opposition to their husbands’ pursuits, and determine to be unhappy until they abandon them. No peace or rest is permitted to the doomed man whose capricious partner thus determines to hunt him from his profession. Complainings, fretfulness, censures, tears, become the incessant annoyances of his home, until his tried soul grows weary of life; his evenings are spent in company, and, if strong religious or moral principles do not bind him to the proprieties of life, he falls into vices, and thus brings swift ruin upon himself and family. It is more than probable that a minis¬ ter’s bride may see these pages. To her these hints on being content with the pro- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 131 fession of her husband are all-important, both on account of the varied and perplex¬ ing trials of the life she has chosen, and be¬ cause of the high and awful responsibilities connected with the work to which her com¬ panion is called. John Wesley had the misfortune to marry a lady who did not and would not sympathize with him in the great duties of his profession. His almost continual ab¬ sence from home, his correspondence with pious females, his preference of duty to ease, to self-indulgence, and even to her wishes, excited her jealousy, her anger, and even her persecuting spirit. The burden of soul her unwomanly conduct imposed on that laborious man of God, had no witness who could comprehend its magnitude but Jel ovah. It was such that, as is well known, he ceased to live with her. In¬ stead of being a help meet for him in the battle of Hfe, she was an insupport¬ able trial, and, but for the unsurpassed energy of his noble soul, would have 132 BRIDAL GREETINGS. been a sad hindrance to his gigantic O o labours. In delightful contrast let me present the minister’s bride with a view of the lovely Catharine Von Bora, the affectionate wife of Martin Luther. Educated ir. a nunnery, she had but little opportunity to prepare herself for the duties of domestic life. Unused to the strifes and storms of public life, which broke so fiercely over the reformer’s head, it would not have been surprising if she had sunk in terror beneath their fury. But Catharine was the pos¬ sessor of the highest and noblest qualities of her sex; and, like a true wife, she de¬ voted herself to the happiness of her chosen lord. She gave a realization to the poet’s doctrine, “ to bless is to be blest;” for in contributing to the happiness of her great husband, she found this grand secret of domestic bliss, and awakened an overflow¬ ing spring of joy in her own bosom. Lu¬ ther loved her with the ardent affection of his noble nature. “ I love my Catharine,” BRIDAL GREETINGS. 133 he said; u I love her more than myself: for I would sooner die than see any harm hap¬ pen to her or to her children.” Which is the pleasing portrait? Does the young bride admire the jealous, selfish wife of Wesley, placing herself, with her whims and fancies, in the path of his use¬ fulness, like a sharp thorn, until she com¬ pelled that patient man to forsake her ? Or does she prefer the more amiable Catha¬ rine, entering into the great plans of her noble husband; soothing his chafed spirit by her gentleness; cheering his desponding heart with her eloquent applications of holy writ, and finding her own enjoyment in his happiness ? I know she condemns the for¬ mer; she admires the latter. She will, therefore, form her own character after the model of Catharine, and studiously, reso¬ lutely, conform herself to the requirements of her husband’s profession. The only way for the young wife to do this effectually is, to enter into the spirit of her husband’s vocation. The bride of a 134 BRIDAL GREETINGS. merchant or mechanic will find this a necessary part of her duty; but nothing can atone for its absence in the wife of a minister of Christ. She must learn to appreciate the obliga¬ tions that bind her husband to his work. Preaching Christ is not so much his pro¬ fession as his vocation. He has not entered upon it as men select one mode of support in preference to another. He has been called to it by the Holy Ghost; and if so called, he cannot abandon it without bring¬ ing down the “ woe unto me if I preach not the Gospel ” upon his devoted head. The interests involved in his work are momen¬ tous beyond conception. Immortal desti¬ nies are linked to his labours. Human salvation depends on his fidelity, for if God has called him into the pulpit, it is because his eye discerns an instrumental adaptation in him, to some part of the great work of human redemption. It is not saying toe much to affirm, that on his continuance in the work of the ministry hangs the BRIDAL GREETINGS. 135 eternal fate of some of the creatures of God. The minister’s bride must study to feel the grandeur of her husband’s mission. She must view it in its relation to the sublime plan of redemption. She must gaze on the majestic results growing out of his labours. She must view, by the eye of faith, the endless gratitude of the souls who will become the seals of her husband’s ministry, and, above all, she must tremble before the idea of dragging her husband out of the pulpit into hell! Let her never for¬ get that no man’s salvation is in greater peril than that of the minister, who, through the lust of money, the love of indolence, or the persuasions of a wife, leaves his appropriate sphere, and buries himself in the obscurity of private life. Alas! how many of those ministers who have quitted their vocation have fallen victims to world¬ liness and sin! With such ideas as these working in her heart, the minister’s wife will never tease 136 BRIDAL GREETINGS. her husband to locate. She will not fill his ears, and grieve his heart, by peevish complaints about the hardships of her lot. No: but with heroic courage she will en¬ dure her trials for the sake of Christ, know ing that her inheritance in glory will be enlarged by her participation in the diffi¬ culties of her husband’s calling. The phy¬ sical ills entailed by the migratory life of the itinerant; the mental torture caused by the frequent sundering of friendly ties; the unceasing care for the Church of Christ which burdens her, through sympathy with her husband; the unkind and uncharitable conduct of lukewarm professors, will all be cheerfully accepted from Christ as a portion of that cup which He deems proper to apply to her lips. She will drink it in hope; she will endure all, like her great Exemplar, who “for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” This is motive enough, for the^e is joy BRIDAL GREETINGS. 137 set before tbe faithful wife who is a help meet for a minister of Jesus Christ. She may, and doubtless will, have cause to weep and suffer; but her tears are neither lost nor forgotten. A drop of water, fall¬ ing into the shell of an obscure fish, be¬ comes in due time a pearl of beauty on the brow of royalty; so shall her tears, drop¬ ping from eyes of sadness, and flowing from an agonized heart, be carefully gathered up, and in the happy future be brought forth, changed to pearls of unfading whiteness, and wrought into that “ crown of life ” which Christ will give her in that day. Of all the disciples of Christ, the minister’s wife should be the first to repose on the delightful assurance, that “ these light afflic¬ tions, which are but for a moment, shall work out for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” May I not hope that the dear lady whose eye now reads this page, and who is the bride of a u preacher of righteousness,” will record a covenant with Christ to be all to 138 BRIDAL GREETINGS. her husband in his profession that Christ can desire! Resolve to catch the inspira¬ tion of his mission by study and prayer; to heroically endure your peculiar trials for Jesus’ sake ; to sympathize with your hus¬ band in every part of his labours,—in his studies, his pastoral duties, his public ef¬ forts. Resolve to stimulate his zeal, to re¬ mind him of the principles and aims of his vocation ; and, in a word, to be as the guardian angel of his spirit. Resolve neither to do nor to be aught that will de¬ tract from his influence. Do these things, O 7 young bride, and though by your direct effort a soul may never bless you as its converter, yet thousands shall call you blessed for the influence of your spirit on your husband’s success. Verily, you shall have your reward. Your husband will esteem you; the Church will embalm you in its memories, and God will honour you. Let me, before leaving this point, refer von to that touching exhibition of conjugal esteem made at Bath a few years since. BRIDAL GREETINGS. 139 It was the jubilee of the ordination of the venerable and eloquent William Jay. For fifty years he had ministered to that ad- miiing flock, and, as a tribute of love, the ladies of his church presented him with a purse containing over three thousand dol¬ lars. His wife was present in that vast assemblage. He took the purse, and, pre¬ senting it to her, said,— u I take this purse, and present it to you, madam,—to you, madam, who have always kept my purse; and therefore it has been so well kept. Consider it entirely sacred, —for your use, your service, your benefit. I feel this to be unexpected by you, but it is perfectly deserved.” Then addressing the audience, he added: “ I am sure there is not one here but would acquiesce in this if he knew the value of this female as a wife for more than fifty years. I must mention the obligation the public are under to her, if I have been enabled to serve my generation : how much my Church and congregation owe to her 140 BRIDAL GREETINGS. watchings over their pastor’s health, whom she has cheered under all his trials, and reminded of his duties, while she animated him in their performance: how often she has wiped the evening dews from his fore* head, and freed him from interruptions and embarrassments, that he might be free for his work! She, too, is the mother of an¬ other mother in America, who has reared thirteen children, all of whom are walking with her in the way everlasting.” How must the bosom of that noble wife have heaved with almost unearthly joy as this deserved eulogy dropped from her hus¬ band’s lips ! O, the bliss of a life was com¬ pressed into that moment! And such a bliss may be yours, young bride. Not per¬ haps under like circumstances, but before that august assembly where you and your husband shall receive your final reward. Then your husband, viewing his crown, radiant with stars, shall' gaze upon its brightness, and think, perchance, how much, under Christ, it owes its adornments BRIDAL GREETINGS. 141 to you. And you, I repeat, “ shall not lose your reward.” But if you pursue an opposite course; if you vex your husband's soul by discontent ; if you add to his burdens, instead of making them lighter; if you unfit him for his work by the peevishness of your temper,—you cripple his energies, discourage his heart, and succeed in teasing him into a location ; you shall also have your reward. You shall see God set his face against you and him: domestic bitterness will poison your enjoy¬ ments ; misfortunes will haunt your steps; God will curse you in soul and in body, and in all probability both you and he will fail of heaven. O then, beware, young bride, how you treat your husband's high vocation. It is from God; and it is a very solemn thin" to trifle with the callings of the Almighty. Let not the husband imagine, because I have written thus to the young wife, that he has nothin" to do in assisting her to con- form to the circumstances of his condition 142 BRIDAL GREETINGS. or profession. It is not sufficient for you to provide her with the best home which your means permit. That she had before; and you would do as much as this for your housekeeper; and it is rarely that domestic unhappiness grows solely out of external circumstances. I agree with Coleridge, who says: u Show me one couple unhappy merely on account of their limited circum- •/ stances, and I will show you ten who are wretched from other eauses.’ , Doubtless many a wife owes the growth of her dis¬ content to the absence of appropriate sym¬ pathy with the trials of her new situation on the part of her husband. “ Sympathy,” says Mountford, in his u Marriage Sermon,” u is an essential of the human heart. There is many a soul of noble capacities lying in sluggish darkness for want of some word out of itself, some human tone, some little encouragement, and that, perhaps, so slight, that even a child might utter it. Others there are, who are awake to righteousness, to all the BRIDAL GREETINGS. 143 lofly attainments that are possible therein on this earth, who revolve in their minds many plans of good, and who yet make no progress, for want of a quickening impulse external from themselves. . . . This want of sympathy, this dependence on external help, is God’s appointment; it is our na¬ ture ; it is incidental to us social creatures; it is an ordained occasion for the infusion of faith and energy into the soul, and which, at the same time, carry along with them an increase of love, a contributarv effect of the conversational channel through O which they flow.” The husband must remember this doc¬ trine, and prevent his wife’s fall into dis¬ content and peevishness, by manifested sympathy with the first difficulties of her new situation. Is she perplexed with her domestic cares ? Is she lonesome during the long hours of his necessary absence from home ? Does her health give way under the peculiar conditions of her state ? Are her indulgences fewer, and is her 144 BRIDAL GREETINGS. home less elegant, than in the days of her happy and thoughtless girlhood ? Let the husband feel for her, and kindly express those feelings; let him whisper words of encouragement in her ears; let him show her that her efforts to adapt herself to his circumstances are appreciated, and he will probably awaken that ardent devotedness to his happiness which has so often charac¬ terized her sex. Remember, young husband, that “ the soul of woman lives in love.” “ And shouldst thou, wondering, mark a tear Unconscious from her eyelids break, Be pitiful, and soothe the fear That strong man’s heart may ne’er partake.” Should you even fail of success, owing to the unfortunate absence of truly noble qualities in her character, you will at least feel the high satisfaction of knowing that, in your misfortune, you are blameless. But fail wholly, you cannot. Sympathy will make some impression even on the most selfish natures; and you may develop BRIDAL GREETINGS. 145 the highest qualities of woman in your bride, and realize in your marriage history the ideal of the poet, painted in these beau¬ tiful lines of Brainard :— “ I saw two clouds at morning Tinged with the rising sun; And in the dawn they floated on, And mingled into one; I thought that morning cloud was blest, It moved so sweetly to the west. “I saw two summer currents Flow smoothly to their meeting, And join their course, with silent force, In peace each other greeting; Calm was their course, through banks of green. While dimpling eddies play’d between. 44 Such be your gentle motion, Till life’s last pulse shall beat; Like summer’s beam and summer’s stream. Float on, in joy, to meet A calmer sea, where storms shall cease,— A purer sky, where all is peace.” 10 146 BRIDAL GREETINGS. (SJSL&IT'B'ISISl USo Servants have often been called “great plagues:” a saying which most housekeepers will readily endorse. There are few fami¬ lies that hire “ help ” but find it a source of much vexation and trial. It was so in the days of Abraham and Lot, whose hired men quarrelled; it is so now, and will con¬ tinue to be so while man remains in his fallen state. The reason, I apprehend, is this: the relation of master and servant is an effect of sin—a portion of the curse which blights our joys, and converts this world into a vale of tears. For it was sin that caused the debility, idleness, or luxury on the one side, and the dependence and poverty on the other, which make the re¬ lations of master and servant necessary to • the existence of social life. It must, there¬ fore, be endured as a “ necessary evil.” I would advise the newly married to do BRIDAL GREETINGS. 147 without help if possible . If a simple style of living, systematic arrangements, and a little occasional aid, will enable the young wife to dispense with a u hired girl,” let her be dispensed with by all means. A ser¬ vant brings greatly increased expenses, a new moral element, new cares and new responsibilities into a family. If happiness, if genuine domestic enjoyment, is the object of the newly married, they will certainly avoid hiring help, except in the extremity of necessity. The expense of a servant is a question worthy of some consideration from the newly married. It is not the item of wages merely, though that is considerable, but the cost of board, of waste, and fre¬ quently of the dishonesty of the help, that makes the question of expense a serious one. Says a writer on this subject:— “ Besides the wages, board, and lodging of a female servant, there must be a fire exclusively for her, or else she must sit with the family, and hear every word that 148 BRIDAL GREETINGS. passes between them, or between them and their friends. Besides the blaze of coals, there is another sort of flame she will in¬ evitably covet. In plain language, you have a man to keep, a part at least of every week: and the leg of lamb which might have lasted you and your wife three days, will by this gentleman’s sighs be borne away in one. Shut the door against this intruder, and she will go out herself; nor will she always go empty handed.” The same writer speaks of having seen large quantities of food, fuel, &c., given away by servants early in the morning to their various friends. And what house¬ keeper of many years’ experience has not been conscious of suffering by similar pecu¬ lations ! Frequently a hired girl brings an un¬ happy moral element into the family. What misery is often caused by the fierce temper of a servant! The very presence of such a person infects the moral atmo¬ sphere. The outbreaks of her temper irri- BRIDAL GREETINGS. 149 i tate and annoy the wife; she, in her turn, soured by the contagion, complains bitterly of “ Betty ” or M Molly ” to her husband. He feels vexed and tried at meeting com¬ plaints and ill-temper where he was wont to meet smiles, and conceives a degree of dislike for his home,—a diminution of re¬ gard for his wife. Time increases the evil, until domestic dissensions crown the formi¬ dable column of vexations, rising from the pedestal of an ill-tempered servant. The influence of a wicked domestic is still more potent in that family which has childien among its members. The fact is unquestionable, that a servant’s influence ' has ruined many a child. Ghost stories, licentious anecdotes, and even unchaste habits, have been taught by such domestics to the unwary children, until they have fallen victims to superstitious fears or de¬ structive vices. How necessary it is, therefore, for the young husband and wife to begin their married life without “ hired help,” if prae- 150 BRIDAL GREETINGS. ticable. It is a question in which their happiness is involved: they must treat it as one of the serious things of life. There are many families, I doubt not, who keep “ help,” and endure all its vexa¬ tions, not from the inability of the wife to i do without it, but from an idea that it is more respectable to keep a servant than to do without one. To such allow me to say, first, The idea is a false one. You are not respected one atom the more for keeping a servant by any whose respect is worth having; secondly, If any young couple are disposed to prefer an imaginary respecta bility to happiness, they deserve to be miserable. But it is highly probable this work will fall into the hands of many brides, whose delicate health or previous education makes the assistance of servants imperiously ne¬ cessary. To such I will offer a word or two of counsel. Pious servants, young women truly de¬ voted to God, are to be preferred to all BRIDAL GREETINGS. 151 others. I know such servants are rarely to be obtained. Still there are such in the community. They are domestic jewels; and, when found, ought to be treated ac¬ cording to their worth. •In the present state of society, however, most families are compelled to take Irish Catholics into their service, and it becomes a serious question how they are to be treated. I have heard some persons say they would not keep a girl in their house who would not attend family prayer. Their argument is, that a master has a right to compel all under his roof to submit to his authority. This is true on all questions which do not involve matters of conscience. Every head of a family is bound to require a good moral deportment from all his dependents, and to exert his strongest influence to win them to religion. He ought, also, to insist on the attendance of his servants at some place of religious worship on the Sabbath; and if they are Protestants, to require their 152 BRIDAL GREETINGS. presence at the domestic altar on pain of dismissal from his employment. Such ser¬ vants cannot have conscientious scruples to plead, and must possess elements of cha¬ racter too dangerous to be retained in a Christian family, if unwilling to join ‘in family worship. But the Catholic servant is in a different relation. She, poor victim of error, is taught by her priest, who stands, to her mind , in the place of God, to regard her master’s religion with horror. She believes it would be sin to join therein. So far as she is concerned, if left to herself, she would have no such objection; but her tyrannical priest, usurping authority over her conscience, forbids her to do so. Now, what is to be done? Shall the Christian require her to violate her sense of duty? Or shall he submit to the unpleasant neces¬ sity, and permit her to absent herself at the hour of worship ? “ Thus to permit your servant’s absence, is to submit to priestly dictation as to the BRIDAL GREETINGS. 153 government of your family,” said a zealous agent of the Protestant Society to me one day. To a certain extent this is true, though it is rather the scruples of the ser¬ vant than the dictation of the priest to which we submit. Yet what is to be done ? Insist on her presence, and, if places are abundant, she will leave your employment, and you must then hire another of the same class, who will follow her example, and thus your family is endlessly per¬ plexed : if places are not to be had readily, your girl may possibly comply, but with such a sense of your tyranny, for so she will consider it, as will entirely neutralize your object in requiring her presence. The result of my experience on the sub¬ ject of Catholic help is, that it is not best to insist on their being present at your family worship. Let them be kindly in¬ vited to do so: if they comply, well; if not, we must submit to it until some pious Protestant girl can be obtained in her place. As to how the heads of a family 154 BRIDAL GREETINGS. can best perform their religious duty to such help, I can hardly advise, except to gay, that we should so deport ourselves in their presence as to compel the conviction that Protestantism is better than Catholi¬ cism; we should, if they can read, place the Holy Scriptures in their hands, and such other books as mav be suited to in- struct them; we may also, with suitable wisdom, endeavour to instruct them by con¬ versation ; though, such is their prejudice against us heretics, it is rarely we can affect them thus. Every Christian pair must do what they can to bring these poor deluded servants, who swarm our cities and towns, to the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Hired help should always be treated kindly, and even respectfully. The mis¬ tress, while she preserves her own dignity, should endeavour to treat her girl so that she may not feel her servitude. To do this does not require excessive familiarity, but only a kind spirit expressed in respect¬ ful language. Even a rebuke for an obvious BRIDAL GREETINGS. 155 fault is more weighty when uttered with kindness and without temper, than when it is administered in the shape of what is mis¬ named a “ good scolding.” It is not neces¬ sary to take a hired girl so closely into the bosom of a family as to give her a seat at your own table or your own fireside. This may be done where there exists a suita¬ bility of manners and characters. There are some pious and intelligent hired girls whom I would gladly treat in this way; but there are others, and they form the vast majority, whose constant presence would be a barrier to all profitable social intercourse. It should never be forgotten that in employing a servant , we are not hiring a companion; if, however, that ser¬ vant should be found to combine the quali¬ fications for both of these relations, her being a servant cannot justify the employer in refusing to treat her according to her worth; for, although no leveller, yet I can heartily join in the following stanza of the Scottish poet, (Burns:)— 156 BRIDAL GREETINGS. i Then let us pray, that come it may, As come it will for a’ that, That sense and worth o’er all the earth May bear the gree, and a’ that.” * ) To have the wheels of domestic life run smoothly, the wife must establish a system to which everything must bend, and into which she must infuse activity and vigour of movement. There must be an esta¬ blished hour for each meal, a distinct rou¬ tine for the various duties of the household ; a proper distribution of the several parts of household labour, so that the work and order of each day shall be apparent before¬ hand. Above all, it is indispensable for the young housewife to superintend hei own kitchen. She must give direction and energy to her help. She must rise supe¬ rior to that most silly of all silly notions, that it is degrading in a wife to labour in her own household. This most stupid of ideas she must trample under her feet, and glory in resembling that beautiful por¬ trait of a perfect wife drawn so graphically BRIDAL GREETINGS. 157 by the glowing pencil of King Solomon, in Prov. xxxi, 10-27. The following fact , which is taken from a recent British publication, conveys its own moral on several points not elsewhere touch¬ ed in this work, but which, in this polluted world, are important to be guarded against by all who would be happy. Mr. A-married Miss B-. They were about the same age, and apparently matched as well as paired. He had his infirmities: a weakly constitution, caused by early sickness, and a very common mental infirmity—vanity. She was kind, benevolent, social in her disposition, and was devotedly attached to him. So well suited were they to each other, that twenty years of their wedded life passed away in uninterrupted peace. At first, their circumstances were mode¬ rate. Having no children, and her mother being a resident in her family, Mrs. A— did without a servant. But after twenty years their fortunes were so much im- 158 BRIDAL GREETINGS. proved that a larger domestic establishment appeared necessary to their station in life. And this gave rise to the further necessity of having a servant to meet the additional labour. This circumstance, strange as it may seem, grew into a domestic viper, whose deadly bite poisoned the remainder of their lives. A quiet girl, ignorant, but strong and healthy, was obtained from the country. She was very poor also. Her clothes were unfit for her appearance as a servant. Mrs. A-was a generous woman, and, in the goodness of her heart, she undertook to clothe the girl. And here she unwittingly did her unsophisticated servant a great in¬ jury. Not, to be sure, in clothing her; but in doing so improperly. She gave her clothes superior to her circumstances,— finery such as the poor child had never touched before. As a natural consequence, she was greatly lifted up by her altered appearance; she did not know herself: BRIDAL GREETINGS. 159 the sefcds of vanity were planted in her heart, and in due time they yielded their harvest of crime and sorrow. Perhaps this fault of Mrs. A- might not have so seriously affected her own happiness, had she not been the prey of another. She was extremelv fond of social O' intercourse, and, in consequence, was fre¬ quently, very frequently, absent from her own house and table. Her husband, being partially an invalid, did not choose to ac¬ company her; and, being remarkably good- natured, did not complain. But, as a result, he was necessarily much waited on by the country girl, now grown into a smart, handsome young woman. She was very attentive to his wishes; and he fa¬ voured her with kind words in return. The girl felt flattered; he increased his attentions, until, after Mrs. A/s return from a trip to Bologne with her brother, which had kept her from home a month, she made discoveries that led to a separation from her husband which lasted ten years, 160 BRIDAL GREETINGS. when death put an end to the guilty career of Mr. A. and his paramour. “ This simple narrative,” says its writer, “ which is quite true, has many a parallel in every-day life. Evil may spring from the best intentions, when not guided by sound judgment and experience. Happy are they who can learn from the experience of others.” CONCLUDING NOTE. And now, young and happy pair, having given you such hints and counsels as I thought expedient and necessary to your happiness, I wish you adieu! May the peace of Christ rest on your spirits! May Providence guide you safely through the mysteries of life! May Eternal Love ele¬ vate you to the endless joys of that mar¬ riage supper which will celebrate the final union of Christ with his Church! Amen and Amen! THE END.