822 . 
 
 G.3l2s 
 
■ 
 
 %*■ 
 
 5 _ • - T 
 
 . 
 
 
 
SUITOR UUSFITED; 
 
 i 
 
 AN ORIGINAL COMEDY, 
 
 IN TWO ACTS. 
 
 DEDICATED, BY SPECIAL PERMISSION, 
 
 TO SIR E. L. BULWER Bart., M.P., 
 AUTHOR OF “PELHAM*” THE “LADY OF LYONS,” 
 
 $c., $c. 
 
 / ' 
 
 BY » 
 
 J. F. GERARD, M.A. 
 
 Author of “ New and Entertaining Dialogues in French and English ;” 
 
 Ex-Editor of “ Le Siecle ;” the “ Gage d'Amitie Translator 
 
 of the “ National Gallery ,” “ Views in India < China , and 
 
 the Shores of the Red Sea;™ “ Views on the Rhine™ 
 
 . 
 
 i(, The Thames , and Medway ,” <J-c. 
 
 SLoniJon t 
 
 SHERWOOD, GILBERT, AND" PIPER, PATERNOSTER ROW. 
 
 NOVEMBER, 1840. 
 
 Price One Shilling . 
 
ENTERED AT STATIONERS’ HALL. 
 
 Printed by W. J. White, 72, Great Queen Street, Lincolns'-inn-fields. 
 
fc's.'l 
 
 TO 
 
 Sir E. L. BULWER, Bart. M.P., 
 
 #c. fyc. fyc. 
 
 Honored Sir, 
 
 Allow me to return you my sincere thanks for your 
 condescension in permitting me to inscribe to you this my 
 first dramatic attempt. May it be found worthy of the dis- 
 tinguished patronage of the accomplished and talented 
 author of Pelham , Eugene Aram , Richelieu , Rienzi, The 
 Lady of Lyons, ^c. Sfc» fyc. 
 
 I have the honor to be, 
 
 Honored Sir, 
 
 Your humble and grateful Servant, 
 
 J. F. Gerard. 
 
i 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 COUP d’oeil on the present state of the drama in 
 
 ENGLAND. 
 
 4 4 Reform the stage, and you reform public morals.” 
 
 It may, perhaps, seem presumptuous in a foreigner to 
 offer observations on a subject, for a perfect acquaintance 
 with which few persons will be disposed to give him credit. 
 If, however, a long residence in this country, and incessant 
 observation of theatrical affairs, may be deemed sufficient 
 to qualify him for such a task, the author of the following 
 play trusts that his opinions will be received with candour. 
 
 There exists in this country a numerous class of religi- 
 onists, who, through mistaken prejudice, pass a sentence of 
 unqualified condemnation upon all scenic representations. 
 They even go so far as to censure an illustrious personage 
 for honouring the Drama with her patronage. If asked why 
 they entertain such an opinion, their reply is, that the stage, 
 instead of being the school of virtue, has become the school 
 of immorality. It cannot be denied that they have some 
 ground of complaint; but managers are to blame, who too 
 easily allow the intrusion of improper characters into those 
 parts of the theatre which ought to be accessible only to the 
 virtuous and respectable portion of the community. Such 
 breaches of decorum never disgrace continental theatres, to 
 which no man is afraid of taking his wife or daughter. A 
 vigilant police refuses even well-dressed gentlemen admit- 
 tance into the boxes, if they exhibit the slightest symptom of 
 intoxication ; and the ears of the audience are never shocked 
 by the utterance of indelicate expressions. 
 
 Mr. John William Calcraft, lessee and manager of the 
 Theatre Royal, at Dublin, has lately published a work, en- 
 titled, “ Defence of the Stage ; or, Inquiry into the Real 
 Qualities of Theatrical Entertainments, their Scope and 
 'Tendency in which he proves that dramatic representa- 
 tions, so far from having an immoral tendency, may be made 
 subservient to the best purposes. He has prefixed to this 
 work, in which he displays great talent and research, the 
 
vi 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 following appropriate epigraphs : “To every thing there is 
 a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. — 
 A time to weep, and a time to laugh : a time to mourn, and 
 a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes iii. 1,4. “Be not righteous 
 overmuch; neither make thyself overwise : why shouldest 
 thou destroy thyself?” Ecclesiastes vii. 16. The author 
 gives a long enumeration of exemplary clergymen of the 
 Protestant churches of England and Scotland, who wrote 
 plays, or countenanced the stage by their writings; such as 
 Dr. W. Alabaster, Prebendary of St. Paul’s ; Dr. John Bale, 
 Bishop of Ossory * Dr. Nicholas Brady, the coadjutor of 
 Tate (who was also a dramatist), in the version of the 
 Psalms; the Rev. W. Cartwright, of whom the pious Dr. 
 Fell, Bishop of Oxford, said, “ Cartwright was the utmost 
 man could come to ;” Dr. Warburton, Bishop of Gloucester ; 
 Dr. John Hoadly, Prebendary of Winchester; Dr. Edward 
 Young, the author of Night Thoughts ; &e. &c. 
 
 Another cause that may be assigned for the present de- 
 pression of the stage in England, is the giving of exorbitant 
 salaries to favourite actors, who pocket a large proportion 
 of the receipts. The star system, which has solong prevailed, 
 ought to be discountenanced by the lessees of theatres ; as 
 it is evidently fraught with injustice to subordinate actors, 
 who get too little to live , and too much to starve, however 
 laborious their career, and not unfrequently entails bank- 
 ruptcy and ruin upon the managers. 
 
 A third cause is, that the stage has become a monopoly. 
 An author stands but a poor chance of having his plays 
 read, unless he belongs to a coterie . An inferior pro- 
 
 duction from a stranger may sometimes find favour, because 
 it creates no umbrage. Each theatre has its appointed 
 reader, it is true ; but will he deign to cast more than a 
 supercilious glance on a work which does not come recom- 
 mended by his patrons ? 
 
 The Author of the following pages feels that he has 
 assumed a proud position, by venturing to write in the 
 copious and energetic language in which are enshrined the 
 lofty and burning thoughts of a Shakespere, a Milton, and 
 a Byron. He would hardly have dared to publish his play, 
 had he not felt encouraged by the direct approbation of the 
 clever and liberal-minded Mr. Fitzball, late reader of Covent 
 Garden, who after perusing it, told him he would be happy to 
 bring it out at that theatre. Circumstances, over which the Au- 
 thor had no control, prevented him then from availing himself 
 of the kind offer. He subsequently sent it to Madame Yestris, 
 who likewise expressed her unqualified approbation of it, 
 and said that she would have brought it out, if she had not 
 had (which was to her a matter of surprise,) a similar one on 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 vii 
 
 her shelf. The fact was, that a person, who had been en- 
 trusted with the play, had committed a breach of confidence 
 by taking a copy of it, and altering the title to suit his ow n 
 purpose. The refusal of Madame Vestris to have it per- 
 formed, while any doubts could exist as to the authorship, 
 is a trait highly honourable in that lady’s character. 
 
 The principal object of a dramatist being to ridicule folly 
 and elicit mirth, should the readers of this comedy laugh at 
 the rate of fifty per cent, profit, a rapid and pleasant way of 
 gathering wealth, the author will feel it a most gratifying 
 reward for his exertions. 
 
Qramattg 
 
 ■ 0 
 
 Lord Arthur Bellcourt Mannerville. 
 
 Francis Stanley, Esq. his confidential friend. 
 
 Captain Theodore Berkley, suitor to Lady Julia. 
 
 Gen. Railton, ex-governor of Madrass and uncle to the Captain. 
 
 Joseph Dewdrop, gardener to Lord Mannerville and Roue's 
 intended . 
 
 Lady Julia Mannerville, sister to Lord Mannerville . 
 
 Mrs. Thomson, a rich widow. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen in ball dresses. 
 
 A Waiter ; Servants in livery , $•<?. #c 
 
A C T I 
 
 Scene I . — A drawing room at Lord Mannerville' s. 
 
 [Lord Mannerville, in morning gown and reading a news- 
 paper in an affected tone .] 
 
 “ Bon Ton.” Mrs. Thomson's soiree was most numerously 
 and fashionably attended, [enter a gorgeously attired servant 
 with a letter on a salver , presents it to his Lordship and retires ; 
 Lord Mannerville rises , opens it and reads ] — “ My Lord, 
 Having lost a considerable sum last evening and being much 
 dunned for cash, I shall feel greatly obliged by your sending 
 me, if possible, this evening, before six the balance 500 1. due 
 to me on our last settling. — Your's, Copley.” 
 
 So, so, my Lord Copley is pressing — not overloaded with 
 cash, like myself. — Five hundred pounds! 'tis impossible to 
 raise them at so short a notice. Though stiil young, my 
 estates are mortgaged and to so great an amount! That 
 accursed money-scraper, Moses, will not advance a shilling 
 more ! What's to be done ? I must not let Copley and the 
 world know my embarrassments, which would be the case 
 should I fail to pay this debt of honour — debt of honour in- 
 deed ! But I mUvSt move heaven and hearth to procure cash 
 — What’s to be done? — I have it: Stanley, my infallible 
 friend ! he is the boy to get me out of this dilemma. By the 
 by I told him yesterday to come and see me — he will soon 
 be here, I hope, [a noise is heard.~\ Ah ! there he is [enter 
 Stanley .] ( to Stanley.) How glad I am to see you ! 1 have 
 the most urgent need of your services. 
 
 Stanley. Dispose, my Lord, of your devoted servant; and 
 in what can I be of service to you ? 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Copley, whom you know, wants before 
 six the 500/. I owe him ; what do you advise me to do ? 
 
 Stanley. Can’t say, I am sure ; I myself lost last night, 
 more than I can pay : so we are both in a fine pickle. There 
 is but one resource left, and that is to manufacture bills and 
 
10 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 take them down to one of your Israelites, which of course 
 we won’t be such fools as to take upj and should our cre- 
 ditors think proper to arrest us, we must get whitewashed, 
 that’s all. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Or rather blackwashed . But, no matter, 
 necessity justifies any expedient, and it will be easy to es- 
 cape the iron grasp of the law. I fear not the results, and 
 am determined to have recourse to bills to any amount. 
 
 Stanley . Bravo ! bravo ! my lord ; let the worst come to the 
 worst. We can then take a trip to Paris; the grand em- 
 porium of fashionable life and gaities, there we shall move 
 in our own element, and find the means of fleecing our wise 
 countrymen. — Ah! what a glorions life we shall lead ! 
 
 Lord Mannerville . An enchanting prospect, by Jove. I 
 am all impatience to become an actor on the Parisian stage, 
 and feel confident I shall play my part with becoming spirit. 
 Who knows but fortune reserves to us the glory of breaking 
 the famous bank of Frankprati ; and when I am the happy 
 possessor of millions, with what veneration will not our 
 proud moral talkers greet my return to the banks of the 
 Thames ! Methinks I see them faw ning and cringing before 
 the favourite of Fortune. 
 
 Stanley . ’Pon honour, you seem to know the world like a 
 man of fifty. I have another expedient in contemplation : 
 what do you think of marriage ? 
 
 Lord Mannerville . What! — I marry! no, no ; yet if it were 
 a rich heiress. 
 
 Stanley . What say you to the widow Thomson? The world 
 calls her opulent. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Opulent, eh ! well she may be so, yet I 
 would not have her, though she keeps a magnificent esta- 
 blishment. 
 
 Stanley. For my own part I should have no objection to 
 establish myself in her affections or in those of any other 
 rich lady. Handsome and clever as I am, I have not yet 
 been able to conquer a wealthy object. Heigho ! 
 
 [ Sings part of Alice Gray .]. 
 
 “ Ob ! my heart, my heart is breaking 
 “ For the love of 
 
 Lord Mannerville . A plum, eh ? 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 11 
 
 Stanley . A shrewd guess, my Lord ; Apropos , 1 have an in- 
 vitation to a grand ball at Mrs. Thomson's ; will you accom- 
 pany me ? 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Joyfully; but with all the widow's at- 
 tractions, how shall we raise the 500?. for Lord Copley by 
 six o'clock this evening? Can't you find a Jew who, with 
 your name, will discount a bill by that time ? 
 
 Stanley . No doubt of it: my money lender Abraham will 
 discount it, but not under fifty per cent, and then my name 
 must not be upon it, for that would damn the thing alto- 
 gether. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Fifty per cent! A curse on your Jew 
 and a thousand more curses on the ungovernable passion of 
 gambling. 
 
 Stanley . You are, my Lord, inclined to preach a sermon, * 
 are you ? Know you not that to be a man of fashion, gaming 
 is as essential as champagne to expel the blues. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Let the blues mind their own business, 
 and let us draw out the bill. 
 
 Stanley. As I am in want of a few hundreds, make it 
 2000?. and we shall both be accommodated. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Why, you are a very accommodating 
 fellow. Well ! I consent, ( writes ) “ One month after date, 
 pay to my order the sum of two thousand pounds," — Stanley 
 hasten to get it discounted. Sixty per cent, rather than re- 
 fuse money for paper. 
 
 Stanley. And even at that rate no paper ever sold so dear. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. You are quite right, as it is the only 
 thing they will get from us. 
 
 Stanley. But if they lose their money, we lose our character. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Then the loss will be even. 
 
 Stanley . No such thing, for if we lose a good character, 
 we are sure to get a bad one in return. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Ha, ha, ha ! But enough of jokes, 'tis 
 time to be off, and by all means find the philosopher's stone 
 which will change our trash of paper into precious gold 
 \ pulling out his watch.'] 'Tis now past four o'clock — not 
 minute to be lost. 
 
12 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 Stanley. I will repair to the money lender. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. And I to the important affair of the 
 Toilet. Don't fail to bring the cash for Copley as soon as 
 possible. [exeunt.~\ 
 
 Scene II. — A splendid Ball Room in Mrs . Thomsons House . 
 
 [Lady Julia Mannerville and Capt. Berkley advance to 
 the front of the stage.] 
 
 Capt. Berkley, [in suppressed and hurried accents .] Dear 
 Julia, long have I struggled with the passion I feel for your 
 person, Jong have I striven to subdue its violence ; the 
 consciousness of my inequality of rank and fortune, hitherto 
 prevented me from expressing my respectful sentiments to 
 an angel of incomparable beauty and loveliness. 
 
 Lady Julia, [in a tremor.] Captain, I am at a loss to 
 account for this sudden declaration. I am quite unprepared 
 — I dare not — I must not listen. 
 
 Capt . Berkley. Sweet Julia, let me beseech you by all that's 
 sacred on earth to lend an ear to the expression of the 
 ardour which pervades my whole frame. Nothing w ould 
 equal my happiness did I but know that 1 am not indifferent 
 to you. 
 
 Lady Julia. My regard for your person and character is 
 such that But Hush ! [enter Lord Mannerville ] 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Captain Berkley and my sister! What 
 means this? Speak Julia; you are embarrassed, explain 
 yourself. ( to the Captain .) And you, Sir? 
 
 Capt . Berkley. My story is briefly told, my Lord ; I love 
 your sister — passionately love her ; this is the first time I 
 disclose my mind to her, and but for this occurrence I 
 would have first declared to your lordship my honorable 
 intentions. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Sir, you suppose, of course, that I must 
 feel very proud of an alliance with the son of a lawyer. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. My Lord, if I seek one with your Lordship, 
 it is entirely owing to the distinguished merits of Lady Julia- 
 
 [Capt. Berkley and Lady Julia retire ; Mrs. Thomsom and 
 
 Stanley come forward. ] 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 13 
 
 Stanley . My Lord, allow me to introduce you to Mrs. 
 Thomson. ( to Mrs . Thomson.) Lord Mannervilie. ( to 
 Lord Manner ville.) Mrs. Thomsom. [exit Stanley.] 
 
 Lord Mannervilie. Mrs. Thomson, t have long wished to 
 be favored with the acquaintance of a lady, of whose merits 
 I have heard the most flattering accounts. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson, (bowing profoundly.) My Lord, 1 feel so 
 abashed and confused at your Lordship’s generous opinion 
 of my humble worth, that I am utterly at a loss to discharge 
 the duty of acknowledging the overpowering influence which 
 your presence exercises over my grateful feelings. 
 
 Lord Mannervilie. Madam, I have only done justice to 
 your superior accomplishments; I shall be too happy if my 
 homage be acceptable to you. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. Oh my Lord! your condescending kindness 
 overpowers my feelings; may I supplicate your Lordship to 
 grant me leave to retire, for here is your friend who may 
 have some communication to impart to your Lordship. 
 
 [ exit Mrs. Thomson .] 
 
 [re-enter Stanley . ] 
 
 Lord Mannervilie. a propos , Stanley, did you take the 
 cash to Copley’s and has he given you a receipt ? 
 
 Stanley. Yes, my Lord, your wishes are fulfilled, here is 
 Lord Copley’s acknowledgment. 
 
 Lord Mannervilie. ( pocketing it.) Thank heaven, I feel 
 like myself again. 
 
 Stanley. But to change the subject, what is your opinion 
 of the widow Thomson ? 
 
 Lord Mannervilie. ( smiling.) A matchless specimen of 
 beauty, youth and accomplishments. 
 
 Stanly. Youth ! why she has witnessed sixty springs and 
 her blooming charms are fast assuming the golden hue of an 
 autumnal leaf. As for her accomplishments, they are 
 dazzling, when seen through the prism of her gold. 
 
 Lord Mannervilie. Alas ! that I should be obliged to 
 sacrifice all my hopes of earthly happiness on the altar of 
 necessity ! 
 
 Stanley . I am sorry to see you in this desponding mood* 
 
It 
 
 THE SUTTOli UNSUITED. 
 
 my Lord ; the only way to console yourself is to consider the 
 possession of fortune as a substitute for every personal 
 attraction. Think of the envy and homage of millions, 
 splendid carriages and the noble entertainments which 
 await you. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Oh magic power of gold ! Egad ! I am 
 already falling in love; but let us devise the means of 
 securing the prize awaiting the mortal who, to conquer the 
 cash of our fair lady, will forego all other earthly blessings. 
 Now tell me, Stanley, is she really as rich as is reported? 
 
 Stanley. As to that matter, it is a weighty subject, and the 
 subject matter of all our wishes, the very cream of human 
 existence, without which life is like a flower without 
 fragrance ; and the fellow who presumes to be poor, deserves 
 hanging. Now, though Dr. Johnson said that a punster 
 will pick your pocket, (which proves that he was envious of 
 witty fellows like myself.) I will give you a pun. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. The deuce take your chattering tongue. 
 I verily believe that, were it not stopped, it would move till 
 doomsday. Some crazy philosophers have cudgelled their 
 poor brains to discover perpetual motion, why your tongue 
 exemplifies it, and then your modesty is 
 
 Stanley. An ornament to my merit. Modesty indeed ! 
 who would be pestered with such a curse, unless a simpleton 
 anxious to go to the workhouse. Quacks alone make their 
 way in the world — bold, impudent quacks, whose universal 
 pills have the wonderful virtue of healing incurable diseases. 
 Nay, I know a lady who really believes that a dozen of these 
 miraculous pills had the effect of curing her deafness so 
 radically that she hears what is not said. I have even been 
 told of one of these worthies who boasted of his power of 
 making old women hold their tongues. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Zounds! sir, you are getting an old 
 woman yourself. Let us put a stop to all this nonsense. 
 All I wish is that you would make the necessary 
 enquiries respecting Mrs. Thomson’s fortune. Go, I 
 appoint you my Mercury. 
 
 Stanley. My Lord, I’ll prove myself a most dexterous and 
 consummate negooiator. I will employ all the resources of 
 my genius. Eh ! my Lord ! * [ exit bowing ] 
 
 Lord Mannerville. May he find out that she is worth 
 millions. But, in that case, who knows whether the rogue 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 15 
 
 will not try to win the prize for himself. He would not be 
 the first who betrayed a friend to gain a fortune. But 
 what need I fear and anticipate a failure where I may 
 meet with success? — Alas! man is more wretched under 
 the fear of an evil than happy in the expectation of a 
 blessing. [exit.] 
 
 CURTAIN FALLS. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene I . — A beautiful garden. 
 
 [Dewdkop, with a bouquet in his hand , advances to the front of 
 
 the stage ] 
 
 ’Tis past the time for Mamselle Rose’s appointment. 
 What can be the cause ! Rose ! sweet Rose ! you pretty 
 queen of flowers and queen of my heart. Let me drink her 
 health ( taking a bottle from his pocket). I have still some of 
 the creature left. How moderate I have been this morning t 
 only a quartern, and it is now past twelve. Well ! here’s td 
 Mamselle Rose! ( applying the bottle to his mouth.) Good ! 
 (smacking his lips,) good ! This gives a man life and an 
 appetite for his dinner* My venerable father used to like 
 rum ; it runs in the family. He had this berth of gardening 
 in the Belicourt family before me. Here’s to my worthy 
 father’s memory, (drinks.) And now I am in his shoes, 
 gardener to the present Lord Mannerville. Here’s to his 
 memory! (drinks.) — Memory, did I say ?— he is not dead — 
 beg his Lordship’s pardon, his health I mean. Well here’s 
 to his health ! (drinks.) This rum’s strong, I begin to feel it 
 here, (pointing to his head.) — Steady, steady, Joe; this is 
 not keeping the resolution you took “ never to get jolly 
 before dinner.’’ — But here comes Mamselle Rose. Look 
 sharp, my boy ! 
 
 (wipes his mouth , hides the bottle and trims up the bouquet .) 
 
 [Enter Rose with a small basket in her hand .] 
 
 Rose . Mon cher Monsieur Joseph ! 
 
 Dewdrop. My dear Mamselle Rose, have you got rid of 
 your cold, eh? 
 
1(5 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 Rose. No, me still be one little horse (hoarse.) 
 
 Dewdrop. No, no, you neither a horse nor a mare, but a 
 lovely girl; as for your cold, I have got a capital recipe for 
 it. (hiccups.) — My grandfather and grandmother used it. 
 Here’s to their memory ! (drinks.) 
 
 Rose. Ah ! my dear Joseph, you drink vilaine liqueur. 
 
 Dewdrop. You call me a villain ! I am a real honest chap 
 d’ye see ? 
 
 Rose. My dear Joseph, me no call you one villain, ’tis de 
 liqueur dat be poison for your stomach. 
 
 Deivdrop. ’Tis that prevents me catching cold ; and who 
 would not drink to his departed parent? He always drank 
 to my grandfather’s, it runs in the family, and when we are 
 married, our young ones will also drink mine. Rum’s the 
 best cure for a cold, (presenting the bottle to Rose.) Drink, 
 my love, it will do you good. 
 
 Rose. No, Joseph, me take no rum stuff. 
 
 Dewdrop. Poor dear! But look here I have gathered for 
 you a nosegay, sweet and blooming as yourself. ( presents it 
 to Rose )— (aside.) I wonder what’s in her basket; something 
 to eat, 1 hope ; for f am starving. 
 
 Rose. Tank you for your galanterie , Englishmen be very 
 polite vid de ladies. 
 
 Dewdrop. Of course you’ll reward me with a kiss, (aside.) 
 and something more substantial I hope. 
 
 Rose. A kiss! Joseph; me tink you ask too much. 
 But when we be married, me give you two, tree, four, five. 
 
 Dewdrop. Well ! let us strike a bargain, give me one now, 
 and I will give up the other four. [he steals a hiss.] 
 
 Rose. Oh ! you very vicked man, you make me very 
 hungry (angry.; 
 
 Dewdrop. Well, love ! if it is so, I will give you another. 
 
 Rose. No, no! [producing the leg of a fowl and some bread.] 
 Me bring y ou good aile. 
 
 Dewdrop. Never mind the ale, rum’s the stuff for me. But 
 that’s a nice bit, I think I shall relish it, for I feel devilish 
 hungry (eats). 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 17 
 
 Rose . Me be very glad you like it. 
 
 Dewdrop. You are a very good girl. Rose. Working in 
 the garden for an hour or two, gives one a famous appetite. 
 By the bye, I hear that your mistress is looking out jfor ano- 
 ther husband, eh? she's a dapper plump widow, with lots of 
 blunt, I understand ; a good bait for a young spark of pre- 
 possessing appearance like myself ( draws himself up, struts 
 about , and stumbles over the. flower pots). 
 
 Rose. Ha, ha, ha, you be into de ground, get up, get 
 up (lie remains motionless ). Oh, oh ! you sleep ; w ell ! I will 
 awake you ( she seizes a watering pot and empties the contents 
 upon him.) 
 
 Dewdrop. Hollo ! hollo ! murder ! murder! ( starts upon his 
 legs.) 
 
 Rose. Ah, my dear Joseph, me no murder ! you sleep, 
 me put vater on you to wack you dear Joseph. 
 
 Dewdrop. You no murder! why did you not murder my 
 heart ? 
 
 Rose. Ah ! but me yet one cooling over it. 
 
 Dewdrop. Yes, and you drownded my tender afflictions by 
 this ducking, my duck. 
 
 Rose. You laugh after dis joke ! you be one good man, 
 you make me one tender husband. After marriage you be 
 very sober. 
 
 Dewdrop. Sober ! my love ; who would not become sober 
 after marriage ? Yet I hate that word in one sense ; for 
 your sober fellows have no spirit in them : they never take 
 any, and never can be spirited chaps like myself. No ; dash 
 my wig, I'll be master under my own roof, I'll be a monarch, 
 and you, Rose, my first subject. 
 
 Rose. Me one subject ! no, no ; me govern de kitchen, me 
 govern de parlour and de bed-room, me govern all de house ; 
 you bring me all de money you get, and me take care of it 
 for you ; you follow my counsel, you be obedient to your 
 dear half, to your mistress. 
 
 Dewdrop. Ha, ha, ha! mistress! indeed! why you have 
 pretensions enough for an empress. You want to govern 
 every thing, and like most women, you long to cut capers 
 over your lord. 
 
IB 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED 
 
 Rose . Lord ! you be no lord ; you be one lord’s gardener. 
 
 [ bell rings.] 
 
 Dewdrop. I wonder why they ring that bell with such vio- 
 lence ; I must go and answer it. 
 
 Rose. Dear Joseph, me go. 
 
 Dewdrop (smiling). No, no, that won’t do ; for you would 
 rather answer a beau than a bell. [ exeunt . 
 
 [Enter Stanley.] 
 
 Stanley. Well ! here I am in a most splendid place, a 
 dwelling fit for Flora or a crack-brained and enamoured son 
 of Apollo, a Don Quixote singing on the lyre the matchless 
 charms of his Dulcinea — the princess of his brains. It is 
 most true that the rogue Cupid is the god of poets. Ah ! 
 that I were in love myself! what burning rhymes would 1 
 not pour into the enchanted ear of my beauty. Well! I 
 must try to lose my heart to some wealthy dame. But 
 here I stand, the minister of a noble passion, or rather the 
 passion of a noble . Knowing my Lord’s jolly gardener is 
 paying his addresses to a living flower, the merry femme de 
 chambre of our widow, I think I stand a capital chance of 
 finding out all I wish concerning Mrs. Thomson, for maids 
 are generally in possession of all their mistresses’ secrets. 
 They sometimes pretend to be discreet, but no sooner is the 
 golden key applied to the frail chest of their discretion, than 
 out comes the whole batch of secrets. Surely, I must find 
 the worthy pair of lovers. Ah ! here they come, I’ll conceal 
 myself to see them more at leisure. 
 
 [Enter Rose and Dewdrop with his arm round her waist.] 
 
 Rose. Have done, Joseph, you derange my bustle. 
 
 Dewdrop. Bustle indeed ! what a bustle girls now make 
 about trifles ! 
 
 Rose. My dear Joseph, dare be a proverb dat say : “ De 
 fine feders make de fine birds.” 
 
 [Stanley comes out of his hiding-place.] 
 
 Stanley. Mamselle Rose, you have no need of making use 
 of that proverb, for “ Beauty unadorned is adorned the 
 most.” 
 
 Rose. [ curtseying .] Ah ! Monsieur Stanley, you make me 
 one very flattering compliment. Yet me tink dat all de 
 
tfHE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 19 
 
 beauties vant ornaments, for de most pretty vomen put 
 fine tings on teir persons, if dey vish to please de 
 gentlemen. 
 
 Stanley. Very right, Mamselle Rose, all women are fond 
 of pleasing us, which proves that we are valuable objects in 
 their eyes. 
 
 Rose . De nature give era one tender art for love. 
 
 Stanley. Art ! my lovely Rose, indeed, most women are 
 made artful by education. We also have a proverb which 
 says that: “ There is no rose without thorns." 
 
 Rose . But, sare, me have no torus, me have only pins 
 to punish de gentlemen ven dey be bold enough to be 
 impudent. 
 
 Dewdrop. (to Rose.) That’s right my charmer. 
 
 Stanley . May I, sweet Rose, ask you a question ? 
 
 Rose. Oh ! many, sare, if you please. 
 
 Stanley. I wish to know whether your mistress be very 
 charitable to the poor. 
 
 Rose. If be one poor man, my mistress make him one 
 great charity, but she put his name in de gazette. 
 
 Stanley. What ! put his name in the gazette ! Why it 
 would be better for a man to starve than publish his poverty. 
 Zounds! if he be once gazetted for being poor, he is disgraced 
 for ever. 
 
 Rose. Madam Thomsom love to imitate de great ladies 
 who advertize deir generous charities in de public papers. 
 
 Stanley. Public papers ! O despicable vanity! such deeds 
 should only be recorded in private family papers. 
 
 Dewdrop. A good hit that, for charity is like the violet 
 which shrinks when handled. 
 
 Rose. Dat be de reason me keep my charity to myself. 
 
 Stanley. Ha ! ha ! you are as kind as pretty. 
 
 Rose. Sare, me would be very great fool (grateful) if me 
 believed your compliment sincere. 
 
 Stanley, [in a whisper.'] Then let me offer you a substantial 
 
20 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 one. [flips his purse into her hand , she hides it under her 
 apron. j I hear, Maraselle Rose, that your mistress is not so 
 rich, as people say. 
 
 Rose. You no hear well, sare. People have one great 
 reason to say dat my mistress be very rich. She have much 
 money in de bank ; me tink one hundred tousand pounds, 
 and her dead husband de stockbroker who broke his neck 
 under de veel of an omnibus, has left her a great park, 
 meadows full of bleating ships , (sheep) horses, trees fine 
 carriages, and de most brilliant diamonds and dresses. 
 
 Stanley, {aside.) Oh heavenly blessings ! how you make 
 my mouth water ! Sweet Rose ! if you knew how 
 desperately I am in love with your beautiful, amiable, 
 divine, adorable mistress ! pray, say a good word for me, 
 tell her of my eager, my ardent, my burning affections, and 
 I will make you my sinecurist. 
 
 R se. Sinecurist ! dat, sare, me tink signify one body dat 
 eat, drink, sleep, dance, sing and do no work : me be very 
 capable to do all dat. 
 
 Dewdrop . And me too, your honour. 
 
 [ Rose and Dewdrop exeunt ,] 
 [ Enter Lord Mannerville.] 
 
 Lord Manner mile. Well! my dear Stanley, what tidings 
 from the widow ? 
 
 Stanley . My Lord, I have found very great difficulty in 
 fulfilling my mission. Some say that she is worth one 
 hundred thousand pounds, others that she has not one 
 hundred thousand pence, and that she is over head and 
 ears in debt : and I have many reasons to believe she is. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . I think your opinion is unfounded, or 
 else how could she cut the figure which every one admires. 
 
 Stanley. I suppose, my Lord, that you are enamoured of 
 her foot and leg too. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Why not? Mr. Broadgrin ; what mortal 
 ever thought of finding fault with the massy columns of the 
 temple of Fortune ? 
 
 Stanley. Yes, but if what you call a temple happened to 
 be but an Irish hovel. 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 21 
 
 Lord Mannerville. If you can prove this to be the case, I 
 give her up to you. But you must have some motive for 
 speaking thus strangely, (aside) My suspicions are but too 
 well founded ; the knave is deep enough ; but I must 
 dissemble. 
 
 Stanley . Why should I deceive you ! My only motive is 
 the deep concern 1 feel for your welfare. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . I know you to be a very disinterested 
 fellow ; but yet I want you to get more information. 
 
 Stanley . Depend upon my zeal in such a cause, [ex emit.] 
 
 Scene II. — A drawing-room in Mrs. Thomson's house . 
 
 [Rose, sitting at a table , working. Enter Stanley ; Rose 
 rises and curtseys to him.~\ 
 
 Stanley . Ah, my pretty Rose ! how glad I am to find you 
 here. 
 
 Rose. Monsieur Stanley, me be in my place here, me 
 become dame de compagnie of Madame Thomsom. Me love 
 her vid all my art! Ah, she be so kind ! 
 
 Stanley . A kind lady is she? Oh that I were her constant 
 companion like you, my sweet Rose ! 
 
 Rose. You, sare, one companion for my mistress ! no, no, 
 dat be very wrong, very dangerous, you be so gallant and 
 seducing wid de ladies. 
 
 Stanley, [struts about , trims up his cravat and admires 
 himself in the glass .] — (aside.) Gallant, seducing ! she has no 
 bad taste, (to Rose.) Sweet Rose, many thanks for this 
 true French politeness. Would to heaven, that your mistress 
 shared your sentiments ! how I would love her in return! 
 But tell me, Rose, do you think that she feels inclined to 
 take another husband? 
 
 Rose. Oh yes ! she have one large inclination to be married 
 again, for she said me de oder day, dat she be often fright- 
 ened in de night by ugly and malicious spirits, and what you 
 call in English a night-horse , and dat it be not so before her 
 husband be one dead man. 
 
 Stanley . Poor soul ! frightened to death I suppose. Well ! 
 
22 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 lei me become her comforter, and I'll be a match for these 
 impudent and rascally hobgoblins. 
 
 \Enter Mrs . Thomson ; exit Rose .] 
 
 Stanley. May I have the honour of pajdng my most hum- 
 ble duty to Mrs. Thomson? 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. I am always happy to see you, Mr. Stanley, 
 and to-day in particular, your visit is most pleasing, for I ain 
 plagued with the blue devils. 
 
 Stanley. Indeed, Madam, I am extremely grieved at it. 
 But how can it be otherwise in this pea-soup atmosphere. 
 This reminds me of an English Traveller who, on his return 
 from Italy, on a foggy November day, could not help ex- 
 claiming. “ Is this sky fit for a gentleman to live under !” 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. Do you know the duke Foppi, he is a suitor 
 of mine — they say he is but middle-aged. 
 
 Stanley ( aside.) This won't do, zounds ! I must cut the 
 fellow out (aloud). I know him perfectly well. With regard 
 to his age. I cannot speak positively, but he was an antique 
 fop twenty years ago. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. That can't be, he has still such fine hair. 
 
 Stanley. He has worn this very same borrowed plumage 
 these twenty years, for, having once repaired to the magni- 
 ficent theatre of San Carlos at Naples, the boxes of which 
 are nearly as large as this drawing-room and fitted up with 
 looking-glasses and tables covered with all kinds of liquors ; 
 I perceived a little pet monkey, which a lady had brought, 
 making all sorts of grimaces. There sat my duke Foppi ; 
 he was a cavalier servente to a young and pretty signora , to 
 whom he was presenting an ice ; when the mischievous 
 animal leaped upon his back, and snatching the venerable 
 wig, clapped it on his own pate, to the utter confusion of its 
 noble owner, and began skipping about from box to box 
 with astonishing agility. At last he sprang upon the shoul- 
 ders of an actress on the stage, in the midst of deafening 
 roars of laughter. The creature was at length secured, and 
 the stolen badge of wisdom safely lodged into the hands of 
 its lawful and dumbfoundered owner. 
 
 Mrs . Thomson. I was only joking, for I would not have a 
 ridiculous husband; but, alas! 1 fear my loving days are 
 over (sighs). 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 23 
 
 Stanley. Dear, dear, Mrs. Thomson, I should esteem my- 
 self the happiest of mortals, if I were allowed to convince 
 you that you are still in the prime of life. Why mourn for 
 a dead husband, whilst it would be so delightful to be con- 
 soled by a living one. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson ( pulling out her handkerchief and holding it 
 before her face.) Stanley, you make me blush. Heigho ! it is 
 so long since I have heard such tender language ; I am so 
 forlorn in this lonely dwelling. Ah ! my poor Johnny, how 
 happy he made me ! But now it is all gone like a dream. 
 
 Stanley. But that dream may now become a sweet reality. 
 Ah ! if you felt as I do ; the gates of paradise would be 
 opened to our mutual happiness. I swear on my knees, 
 
 \kneels down ] that the motive of my love is so strong that 
 
 I am undone unless I obtain your hand. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. Rise, sir, rise. What a sad pity that all 
 you gentlemen are such deceivers! 
 
 Stanley ( still kneeling.) I protest that no man was ever 
 more anxious to get possession of a sweet treasure than I 
 am. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson (in broken accents). Sir, you are so pressing, 
 so loving that that 1 cannot resist you. 
 
 Stanley (rising , catches her in his arms). Now I shall have 
 with you that which excites the envy and admiration of all 
 men. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. I am overpowered by all these tender dif- 
 fusions. 
 
 Stanley. As I have a great contempt for those lovers who 
 appear indifferent to the value of the solid blessings destined 
 for them, to-morrow must be the day of our happy union. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. I am too dutiful towards you to oppose 
 your wishes. [ Exeunt . 
 
 Scene III . — A drawing-room at Lord Manner ville’s. 
 
 Lady Julia, (to herself.) Is there a more cruel destiny 
 than mine ! My imperious brother commands me to bestow 
 my hand on a man whom I abhor, and to renounce all idea 
 of ever being united with one who has sworn an eternal love 
 to me. Ah, me ! [ sighs deeply .] 
 
24 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 [ Enter Capt. Berkley.] 
 
 Capt Berkley . Dear Julia, how sad you look! may I 
 enquire the cause ? 
 
 Lady Julia, I am nolongersad when I behold you, Captain. 
 
 Capt . Berkley . And I no longer feel of earth when I enjoy 
 the happiness of your sight. Alas! w hen you are absent, 
 the world seems a desert, but the moment I see your angelic 
 countenance, in is transformed into a smiling Eden, and I 
 would not change my lot for the crown of an emperor. 
 
 Lady Julia, How kind you are, dear Captain ! But alas ! 
 I fear we are not to be united; my brother wishes to compel 
 me to marry a friend of his. 
 
 Capt, Berkley, Is it possible ? and who is this presuming 
 suitor ? 
 
 Lady Julia, I hardly know ; his person I beheld but once, 
 and that by mere chance; he has something forbidding in his 
 countenance; but we must part, I tremble lest my brother 
 should hear of your presence under his roof. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. He will not return for some time : I just 
 saw him entering Crackpot's Pandemonium. Poor deluded 
 man ! 
 
 Lady Julia, Oh dear, dear ! He has so often sworn he 
 would never visit that horrible place again. 
 
 Capt, Berkley, Alas ! I fear the passion of gambling is as 
 incurable as avarice, from which it springs, But I must not 
 forget to impart to you that I have just heard an East 
 Indiaman is daily expected with my dear uncle on board. 
 The worthy old gentleman was always very fond of me. 
 Since the death of my parents, he has ever acted as a tender 
 father to me. Poor uncle! it is now an age since we parted. 
 The world says he has amassed an immense fortune. His 
 health, I am told, is much impaired. He is an old 
 bachelor, and I heard him say that he left England solely 
 with the hope of providing for my welfare. So, my love, 
 we will soon be able to set at defiance the authority of your 
 tyrant. 
 
 Lady Julia. Alas! I bitterly lament the conduct of my 
 brother. My poor departed parents entreated me, on their 
 death-bed, to follow his dictates and to consult him in 
 all my actions. I would rather see him relent than forswear 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 25 
 
 all allegiance. But, hush ! I hear the sound of approaching 
 steps, (listens.) My brother. — We are lost (opens a closet.) 
 in there, don't stir. 
 
 [ Enter Lord Mannerville.] 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Villainous rogues! sharpers! fiends of 
 hell! demons in human shape ! I am ruined, all is gone 
 save my honour. Sister, you alone can save me from 
 destruction. 
 
 Lady Julia. Dear Brother, how can I save you? speak ! 
 (lays hold of his hand.) Oh my beloved Arthur ! speak I entreat 
 you, speak. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. (pressing her in his arms. ] Now, you 
 are like yourself again. I know your kind heart, you will 
 no longer oppose my wishes. Say, dear Julia, that you 
 consent to accept the suitor whose gold can alone restore me 
 to my rank in society. He will also ensure your happiness 
 for he is nobly born. 
 
 Lady Julia . So great a sacrifice is beyond my power, I 
 feel I cannot love him. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. [violently stamping on the ground.] You 
 cannot love ! perverse woman ! I know the cause of your 
 stubbornness, you love that beggarly Captain Berkley. By 
 heaven ! if you ever countenance him, I renounce y ou for 
 my sister; for he is of plebeian blood, nor has he the 
 redeeming merit of wealth, (softening his tone.) Sister, will 
 you have the heart to see me in my grave ! Have you 
 forgotten the injunctions of our dying parents 1 Feel you no 
 gratitude for past favours ? 
 
 Lady Julia. Spare me, brother, spare me, torture not thus 
 one who can ill struggle with her bitter destiny, (weeps.) 
 
 Lord Mannerville. Julia, my dear, I will press you no 
 more ; repair to your chamber and think over the dreadful 
 consequences of a final refusal, [exit Lady Julia.] Horrible 
 results of an accursed passion. Ah ! how I loathe the wretch 
 who allured me into that den of infamy ! The villain has 
 absconded, to screen his vile carcass from my just vengeance. 
 May the scoundrel perish in a dungeon ! As to the swindlers 
 who despoiled me of my all, may a million of curses alight 
 upon every atom of their carrion frames. [exit. 
 
 B 
 
26 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 Capt. Berkley ( coming out of the closet.) Ah! my Lord 
 Mannerville, you are a ruined man, and you play the brag- 
 gart; I don't care a fig for you. [exit. 
 
 Scene IV. — A Room at the Gloucester Hotel, 
 
 Enter General Railton. 
 
 General Railton, Well! here I am in dear old England 
 again, what endearing recollections crowd upon my mind! 
 Ah ! there is no place like sweet home. 1 never expected 
 to see my nephew on this side the grave {coughs), I wonder 
 why he is not yet come, for I apprized him of my arrival. 
 
 Enter a Waiter. 
 
 Waiter. Sir, there is a gentleman who wants to see you. 
 His name is Captain Berkley. 
 
 General Railton. Let him come in. 
 
 [ Exit Waiter ; enter Capt. Berkley .] 
 
 Capt. Berkley. Dear uncle, how happy l feel ! {they em- 
 brace and shake hands.) 
 
 General Railton. Dear Theodore ! 
 
 Capt. Berkley. And how is your health, dear uncle ? 
 
 General Railton {coughing). Not quite so good as I would 
 wish. That Indian climate has played the deuce with me. 
 
 Capt. Berkley . But you look pretty well, dear uncle, mer- 
 ciful heaven has preserved you, and I ought to feel grateful 
 for its granting me the fulfilment of my most ardent wishes. 
 
 General Railton. You must find a great alteration in my 
 appearance. The hand of Time has laid heavy on me. Now, 
 tell me, what are your prospects ? 
 
 Capt. Berkley. I have long been looking for promotion, 
 but in spite of my faithful services, I have been repeatedly 
 disappointed. Birth and patronage carry all before them. 
 
 General Railton . The best patronage is a long purse, and 
 that I have at your disposal. You shall be a lieutenant- 
 colonel before another month. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. Oh, dear uncle, how happy you make me. 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 27 
 
 General Railton. Now, I should like to see you settlcd^in 
 life, the name of Berkley, distinguished for honour and in- 
 tegrity should not perish. 
 
 Capt. Berkley . Ah ! Would to heaven that I possessed the 
 means of making happy an angelic being adorned alike with 
 beauty, virtue and loveliness. 
 
 General Railton. Well, so you shall, if she but belong to 
 a respectable family. 
 
 Capt . Berkley . Respectable! dear uncle, why she is the 
 daughter of a peer. 
 
 General Railton . I am exceedingly sorry to hear it. 
 
 Capt . Berkley . And why so ? 
 
 General Railton , I think there can be no conjugal happi- 
 ness where there is great disparity of rank. The so called 
 nobly born, too often presume to despise their inferiors in 
 station. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. If you but knew Lady Julia Mannerville, 
 your prejudices against her caste would at once disappear. 
 
 General Railton . Mannerville ! why that’s a new title, 
 borne perhaps by a man whose talents or services raise him 
 above the mere hereditary nobles. 
 
 Ca.pt . Berkley. I regret I cannot say much for the services 
 or talents of the present Lord Mannerville : he is an invete- 
 rate gambler. 
 
 General Railton . A gambler ! a most despicable character. 
 No, no, nephew, I will never consent to such an alliance. 
 
 Capt. Berkley . But wherefore punish the innocent for the 
 guilty ? the woman I love is as pure as virgin snow. 
 
 General Railton . Of course she is all perfection. Alas ! 
 when a man is once blinded by passion, he becomes deaf to 
 reason. But enough, I have some private business which 
 requires all my attention. Farewell ; call again soon. 
 
 Capt. Berkley . I will dear uncle. [Exit. 
 
 [Enter Mrs. Thomson .] 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. Pray, pardon the liberty, sir; the waiter 
 has shown me in here ; I am on a visit to a lady, a friend of 
 
 a 2 
 
28 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 mine who lives in this hotel, or else I assure you, sir, I un- 
 derstand what is due to my female dignity, and all proper 
 decorum as they call it, and good breeding, sir. 
 
 General Railton (aside .) Yes, very well brought up indeed. 
 Zounds ! this must be a common room (loud) Madam, there 
 is no necessity for saying it, it’s so very evident ; pray be 
 seated, Madam (hands her a chair.) 
 
 Mrs . Thomson (aside.) He is so like old Railton (loud). Sir, 
 I beg your pardon, but your features, voice, manners are 
 like- 
 
 General Railton . Like what? Madam. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. An old friend of mine — General Railton 
 who is India. 
 
 General Railton . And who now stands before you. 
 
 Mrs, Thomson (shaking hands.) Ah! my dear friend, how 
 happy I feel — who would have thought that we should ever 
 meet again. Ah ! that my poor husband were still among 
 the living ! 
 
 General Railton . My poor friend, is he really dead? 
 
 Mrs. Thomson . Alas ! my poor Johnny has left me lonely 
 and single in this unfeeling world, (pulls out her handkerchief 
 which she applies to her eyes, pretending to weep.) 
 
 General Railton. My dear lady ! do not take it so much to 
 heart. We must all die once. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. Ah ! sir, that’s the reason I am crying, and 
 your presence reminds me that I have lost the best of hus- 
 bands. Poor soul ! how he loved me ! (fetches a deep sigh.) 
 
 General Railton. I dare say you passed a happy life to- 
 gether. 
 
 Mrs . Thomson. Ah ! we were the happiest and most 
 felicitous couple in the whole parish. 
 
 General Railton. He was a worthy man, though of expen- 
 sive habits. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. So much so, that all our property was mort- 
 gaged before his death. But I am going to marry a gentle- 
 man whose fortune will disencumber my estates. 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 29 
 
 General Railt on. I am happy to hear it, and when I see 
 you again, I hope every thing will be settled to your satis- 
 faction. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. General, here is my friend, allow me to 
 take my leave. 
 
 General Railton . Then I wish you good by’e Madam, 
 
 [ Exit Mrs . Thomson. 
 
 Scene V. — A Drawing-room at Mrs . Thomson's. 
 
 Rose, (walking up and the down stage.) How happy she be ! 
 her dress will be so brilliant ! I wish I be rich too, to get one 
 like dat ; me buy line ribbons, laces, gloves, a splendid 
 muslin dress, and den my sweet heart place a magnifique 
 bouquet on my head, and anoder on my art. 
 
 [ Enter Stanley.] 
 
 Stanley. Well! my dear Rose, how is your amiable 
 mistress ? 
 
 Rose. Sare, she be very glad, very happy, she prepare 
 herself for de grande ceremonie. 
 
 Stanley. It's all right; but now I think of it, I must pay 
 my debt to you. ( handing her a pocket-book.) You will find 
 here a sufficient sum to set you up comfortably. As for your 
 Dewdrop, Til pay him every drop due to him. 
 
 Rose, (curtseying deeply .) You be one generous man, me 
 be proud dat me have contributed to your marriage, and me 
 wish you all de felicity dat you merit. 
 
 [ Enter Mrs. Thomson. — exit Rose.] 
 
 Stanley (running towards Mrs . Thomson.) My dear Lady, 
 how I longed to see you! when I am from you, I feel so 
 wretched ; day and night do I think of your charms. Only 
 this morning I dreamt of the approaching connubial felicity 
 which awaits us. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. You don’t say so, Stanley? Then there 
 must be a great sympathy between us, for I also dreamt 
 that we were at church, and that you slipped the ring on 
 my finger, and swore to love and protect me. Ah ! how 
 happy I was ! 
 
 b 3 
 
so 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 Stanley . A sweet dream that, my love, which will soon 
 become a sweeter reality, I am all impatience to enter the 
 orbit of the honey moon ; my only fear is that the excess of 
 my bliss will turn me into a lunatic. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson . It is said that the moon has a great 
 influence on some people. This reminds me that I once 
 consulted a famous astronomer or astrologer as they call it ; 
 I was then only sixteen, and like all young girls, longed for 
 a husband. The old man had on a fool's cap, and a long 
 black robe. Having put on a pair of large spectacles, he 
 opened a huge and heavy book full of harum scarurn horrible 
 figures. He then cast my nativity, foretold that being born 
 under Mercury, I was quick and sentimental and would get 
 two husbands one after the other, the first dark, the second 
 fair. 
 
 Stanley . Ha, ha, fair in truth ! you ever had fair 
 dispositions. 
 
 Mrs . Thomson . Don't laugh at me, naughty boy. By the 
 by, I must show' you my wedding dress. ( calls aloud.) Rose ! 
 Rose 1 
 
 [ Enter Rose.] 
 
 Mrs. Thomson . (to Rose.) Bring me my wedding dress. 
 [Rose fetches it from the next room and places it upon the table. ] 
 Rose. Superb, majestic, charming, (retires making a curtsey.) 
 Stanley. Superb, majestic and charming, ha, ha ! 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. The Frenchwomen are very funny, but 
 they have a great deal of taste. What do you think of this 
 dress ? (handling it.) 
 
 Stanley. ? Pon honour, my dear, you will be quite killing 
 with such glittering stuff ; faith ! you'll look quite young 
 again . 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. Young again! what do you mean? ami 
 then so very old ? 
 
 Stanley. Dear love, pardon me, I w as only jesting. I 
 know you are as blooming as ever, or else you could not 
 have murdered my poor heart, (placing his hand on his heart,} 
 Heigho ! 
 
THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 31 
 
 Mrs . Thomson (in a fit of rapture .) Dear idol of my heart, 
 howl love to hear such killing afflictions, Ah ! I am dying 
 with joy and love (looks fainting ; Stanley carries her to an 
 arm-chair ; she closes her eyes apparently senseless ). 
 
 Stanley . Rose ! Rose ! [ enter Rose ] Your mistress is in a 
 swoon. 
 
 Rose. Ah ! my poor Madame Thomson ! what have you 
 say to her, sir ? 
 
 S'anley . Zounds ! run for the smelling bottle, quick ! 
 quick ! 
 
 (Rose hastens out and returns with the bottle .) Here be de 
 sense bottle, 
 
 Stanley . Right ; it will bring her to her senses, poor dear ! 
 (hangs over Mrs. Thomson and holds the bottle to her nose ; 
 Mrs . Thomson opens her eyes and draws a deep sigh.) 
 
 Mrs . Thomson . Where am I? 
 
 Rose. You be in de house of yourself, Madame. You have 
 been dead, but in dis hour, me tink you live again. 
 
 Mrs. Thomson . Dead ! what do you mean you impudent 
 hussey? (Rose withdraws in a fright.) 
 
 Stanley. Don’t mind her, my love, the creature is mad 
 with her gibberish, Apropos, here is the licence for our mar- 
 riage (pulls out his pocket book.) 
 
 Mrs. Thomson (taking the paper.) Dear Francis, how kind 
 you are ! This is truly a billy dux (billet doux) ( kisses it.) 
 
 Enter a servant with a letter which he presents to Mrs. Thomson , 
 (she opens and reads ; exit servant.) 
 
 Mrs. Thomson. My dear, I must leave you for the present, 
 
 Stanley. Well ! good by’e my love. 
 
 [Mrs. Thomson and Stanley exeunt. Enter Gen. Railton and 
 
 Capt . Berkley .] 
 
 General Railton . Well ! Theodore, do you know that a 
 singular chance threw in my way a most beautiful and 
 amiable young lady whose name I can’t well recollect. I 
 heard her so much extolled, that were I still in the bloom of 
 
32 
 
 THE SUITOR UN SUITED* 
 
 youth, I would make her an offer of my hand and fortune* 
 Now, nephew, if 30U marry her, you shall be my sole heir. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. But how can I forget the adorable object 
 for whom alone I value life? 
 
 Gen. Railton. Pshaw! really these crackbrained lovers are 
 only fit for bedlam. I tell you what, sir, unless you show 
 some deference for my opinion, I will cease to regard you 
 as my nephew, and cut you off with a shilling. 
 
 Capt . Berkley . Dear uncle, do not drive me to madness. 
 Let me entreat you to relent. Consider that, by acting 
 thus cruelly towards me, you will cause me endless misery. 
 
 Gen. Railton. Nonsense ! talk of misery when you can ob- 
 tain a charming and virtuous woman. 
 
 Capt. Berkley . The only favour 1 crave at your hands is 
 that you consent to see the lady of my choice, and if you 
 dislike her, I may perhaps yield obedience to your dictates. 
 
 Gen. Railton . Perhaps indeed ! Fil have no perhaps, sir. 
 But I will see the woman who turned your soft brains. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. Many thanks for this favour. Suffer me 
 to go and acquaint her with your resolution. 
 
 Gen . Railton. By all means. [exeunt. 
 
 Scene VI . — A Drawing-room at Lord Mannervilles . 
 
 [ Enter Lady Julia and Capt. Berkley .] 
 
 Capt. Berkley. Dear Julia, I have just had a hard battle 
 with that old uncle of mine, because he saw a beautiful girl 
 somewhere ; he is determined to force me to marry her. 
 
 Lady Julia. A strange resolution ! Ah! X fear heaven has 
 decreed that we are not to be united. My brother too is 
 more pressing than ever. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. Beloved Julia, let us not despair yet, my 
 urtcle consents to see you before he disinherits me, if I re- 
 fuse to obey him ; but sweet hopfe whispers that your win- 
 ning manners will conquer his prejudices, and we may 
 perhaps still be happy. Our felicity will be the sweeter 
 after our painful trials. 
 
I 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 33 
 
 Lady Julia. Dear Theodore, I dare not indulge in such 
 hopes. This, alas ! may be our last meeting. Tomorrow I 
 shall be dragged to the altar. 
 
 Capt. Berkley . No, no, not as long as I live, but Julia, 
 dear Julia, do you really love me ? 
 
 Lady Julia. Cruel, can you thus treat me ? 
 
 Capt. Berkley. ( pressing her in his arms ) Dear idol of my 
 soul. Death alone can tear us asunder. Say, my adorable 
 Julia, say, will you share my fate? will you fly with me to 
 some remote clime, far away from our relentless op- 
 pressors? The most gloomy solitude will become a smiling 
 garden, if adorned with your captivating charms and 
 endeared by your angelic virtues. 
 
 Lady Julia. Spare me, dearest! are you aware that I 
 forfeit my portion if I marry without my brother's consent. 
 What would then become of us? 
 
 Capt. Berkley. What do I care about your portion ; 1 
 have been left with an independence which will suffice to 
 keep us in an honourable condition. I will watch over you 
 as a doating parent. I will drink love from your eyes and 
 wisdom from your lips. Our happiness will be like a 
 cloudless sky, we shall live in each other ; my sole ambition 
 shall be to shield you from the arrows of envious fortune. 
 But here comes your brother ; farewell, dearest. 
 
 [Exit Capt . Berkley .] 
 
 [ Enter Lord Mannerville .] 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Julia, are you prepared to assent to 
 my wishes ? 
 
 Lady Julia. Sir, you know my firm resolution. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. What ! shall I suffer my authority to be 
 set at nought by a capricious woman ? No, no, by Jove, it 
 shall not be said that Arthur Belcourt Mannerville is the pup- 
 pet of a silly girl, {strides up and down the stage indignantly.) 
 Know you. Madam, that I have it in my power to make 
 you a beggar ? \_exit.] 
 
 \ 
 
 [Enter Gen. Railton and Capt . Berkley.'] 
 
 Capt . Berkley. Lady Julia, may I have the honour of 
 introducing my uncle. General Railton ? 
 
34 
 
 THE SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 General Railton. (looking amazed.) ( Aside .) Zounds ! how 
 strange ! (to Lady Julia.) I think my Lady, 1 have had the 
 honour of seeing you to day at a friend’s of mine, (to the 
 Captain.) A must agreeable surprise 1 why this is the very 
 Lady I meant. 
 
 Capt Berkley Oh ! thrice happy coincidence ! Now, 
 dear uncle, I call upon you to redeem your pledge. 
 
 General Railton . With all my heart, may bountiful 
 Providence shower all its blessings on your heads, and may 
 you be the comfort of my old age. 
 
 [Enter Lord Mannerville .] 
 
 Lord Mannerville. (proudly.) Can I, gentlemen, know to 
 what cause I owe the honour of your visit here. 
 
 Capt. Berkley. In consequence of the conversation I have 
 had with my uncle, General Railton, who is just returned 
 from India: we have thought it fit to call upon your 
 Lordship. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. What sir, are you the famous General 
 Railton, who has gathered so many laurels and acquired 
 such immense wealth? 
 
 General Railton. Iam the very man, my Lord. 
 
 Lord Mannerville. General, your visit does me honour 
 and you are welcome. With regard to your nephew, I now 
 consider him as a most respectable member of society. [ enter 
 a servant with a letter on a salver , which he presents to his 
 Lordship and retires. — Lord Mannerville reads with an agitated 
 countenance .] Ah! the traitor, the monster; I expected as 
 much ! But how can he have the impudence to send me 
 this taunting intelligence, (clenching his fists and taking 
 furious strides .) A million of curses on the reptile ! 
 
 [ All stare in silent amazement .] 
 
 Lady Julia (seizing his arm.) Dear Arthur, may I know the 
 cause of so much agitation? 
 
 Lord Mannerville . That villain Stanley has supplanted me 
 in the affections of a wealthy dowager whom I intended to 
 marry, and now the scoundrel has the audacity to apprize 
 me of his success. Confound the sneaking wretch ! 
 
 Gen. Railton. What widow do you allude to, my Lord? 
 
THU SUITOR UNSUITED. 
 
 35 
 
 Lord Mannerville. To the opulent Mrs. Thomson. 
 
 Gen. Bailton. Why ! Mrs. Thomson is an acquaintance of 
 mine and she told me yesterday that she was going to marry 
 with the view of repairing her broken fortunes. 
 
 Lord Mannerville . Has she not considerable estates ? 
 
 Gen Railton. Yes, only they are mortgaged to the last 
 farthing. 
 
 Lord Mannerville (jumping for joy.) Ha, ha, ha, the ugly 
 toad-eater, instead of catching a rich matrimony has been 
 caught in a poor Matter of Money. 
 
 Omnes. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 CURTAIN FALLS. 
 

 
 
 ' 
 
 <* 
 
 
 ' 
 
 * 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 • • 
 
 
 -