OF THE 
 U N IVER.5 ITY 
 OF ILLINOIS 
 
 T. W. BALDWIN 
 ELIZABETHAN LIBRARY 
 
 871 
 
 Classics 
 
1 
 
THIRTEEN SATIRES 
 
 OF 
 
 JUVENAL 
 
 TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH, AFTER THE LATIN 
 TEXT OF J. E. B. MAYOR, M.A. 
 
 ALEXANDER LEEPER, M.A, 
 
 . WARDEN OF TRINITY COLLEGE IN THE UNIVERSITY OF MELBOURNE; LATE SCHOLAR 
 OF ST JOHN'S COLLEGE, OXFORD, AND OF TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN. 
 
 MACMILLAN AND CO. 
 1882 
 
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 PREFACE. 
 
 The following translation lias been made with a view 
 of giving a rendering of Juvenal which should^ com- 
 bine accuracy with some elegance of style. We had 
 originally intended to publish it in conjunction with 
 the text and a commentary upon the thirteen Satires 
 usually read in schools and colleges ; but for reasons 
 with which we need not trouble our readers we 
 have decided to issue at once the first instalment of 
 our edition. Such as it is, it is the fruit of much 
 thought and labour. We have had the advantage 
 of executing the translation while engaged in lec- 
 turing upon Juvenal to University students, so that 
 some difficulties which seem to have been lightly 
 passed over by most commentators have been pressed 
 upon our attention. 
 
 It is needless to say that the English edition 
 from which we have derived most aid is that of 
 Professor Mayor (Macmillan and Co., 1880). It 
 leaves, indeed, little for any future editor to add, 
 and displays a wealth of learning and an accuracy of 
 research, which may make our countrymen tolerate 
 with more complacency than heretofore the con- 
 temptuous silence wdth which German critics too 
 often pass over English editions of the classics. In 
 Teuffel's list of the editions of Juvenal mentioned as 
 
IV 
 
 ' erwahnenswerth ' there does not appear the name of 
 a single English commentator, nor is the work of 
 any English critic named as worthy of perusal in 
 connection with Juvenal. 
 
 It were, however, to be wished that Professor 
 Mayor had made his edition complete by giving 
 some information about the MSS. of Juvenal together 
 with fuller textual criticism. In many cases where 
 he has introduced changes into the text as given in 
 his small edition, he has done so without assigning 
 any reason.* But he seems to possess an almost 
 instinctive perception of the shade of meaning which 
 the satirist means to convey: a perception to be 
 acquired only by a profound knowledge of and 
 sympathy with the author, coupled with a wide and 
 exact study of the contemporary literature. His 
 translation of the Tenth Satire is a masterpiece in 
 itself Had Professor Mayor seen fit to translate 
 the rest of the Satires, this version would have been 
 superfluous. 
 
 H. A. Strong. 
 Alex. Leeper. 
 
 Melbouhne University, 
 20th Bee. 1881. 
 
 change of word, vii. 151, 218; change of punctuation, 
 i. 105, iii. 116, iv. 7, viii. 27 ; change of spelling, vii. 61 ; verses 
 ' uncis inclusi,' on which no suspicion is cast in earlier edition, iii. 
 113, 281, iv. 8, 78, v. 66, vii. 138, 881, viii. 160, 202—3, xii. 29, 
 xiii. 90, 183, 187—9, 236, xiv. 208—9, xv. 44—8, 97—8. 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 I. 
 
 What ! always a mere hearer ! What ! never to 
 retort, bored as I am so often by the Theseid of 
 Cordus hoarse with reciting! Shall it then be for 
 nothing that yon fellow has spouted his comedies, 
 another his elegies ? For nothing that bulky Tele- 
 phus has taken up an entire day, or Orestes, who has 
 filled the border at the end of the roll, and has now 
 spread even to the back, and is not yet finished ? 
 Not a man knows his own home better than I know 
 Mars' grove and Vulcan's cave hard by the Aeolian 
 rocks. All the plans of the winds, the lists of ghosts 
 whom Aeacus is torturing, the spot whence another 
 is carrying home the gold of the smuggled sheepskin, 
 how huge the mountain ashes which Monychus is 
 hurling about — all this Fronto's plane-trees and 
 ruptured statues are continually bawling, and his 
 columns cracked with the everlasting spouting. You 
 J. 1 
 
2 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 may look for the same themes from poets high and 
 low. Why I, too, have flinched from the cane ; and 
 I, too, have tendered my advice to Sulla to quit office 
 and get sound sleep : 'tis misplaced kindness, when 
 at every turn you run against so many inspired bards, 
 to spare the sheet sure to become waste paper. But 
 why my fancy prefers to run on the course along 
 which Aurunca's great foster-son guided his racers, if 
 you have time, and if you can calmly take in my 
 reasons, I will tell you. 
 
 When a womanish eunuch takes a wife, and a 
 Mevia spears the Tuscan boar, bares her breasts, and 
 handles the lance : when the whole patrician order 
 are rivalled in wealth by one, beneath whose clipping 
 hand my strong beard rustled in my younger days : 
 when this sprig of the proletariat of the Nile, this 
 serf born and bred in Canopus — Crispinus — hitches 
 up his Tyrian mantle with his shoulder, and on his 
 sweating fingers airs his summer ring, and cannot bear 
 the weight of a larger stone : 'tis hard not to write 
 satire. For who could be so tolerant of our cruel 
 city, who so cased in steel, as to contain himself 
 when there comes by the brand-new litter of Lawyer 
 Matho, filled with his single self: and, following on 
 him, the traitor to his high-j)laced friend, who shortly 
 will lay hands upon the remnants of our nobility half 
 eaten up, a man from whom Massa shrinks, whom 
 
l] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 3 
 
 Cams mollifies by a bribe, and Latinus by sending 
 stealthily his Thymele at a moment's notice: when 
 you must make way for those who earn a place in a 
 will by foul night-scenes, men who are exalted to the 
 heaven of their hopes by what is to-day the surest 
 path to the highest preferment — the passion of a 
 monied hag? Proculeius gets a poor twelfth, but 
 Gillo eleven-twelfths ; each his due share inherits 
 according to his capacity for vice. By all means let 
 him pocket his blood-money, and blench like one 
 who has trodden barefoot on a snake, or like a 
 speaker preparing to declaim at the altar of Lyons. 
 Need I tell of the passion which parches and burns, 
 my heart, when yon plunderer of his ward, now a 
 prostitute, hustles the people with the throngs of his 
 clients : or another — Marius— who, condemned by an 
 empty verdict (for who cares for infamy, so the cash 
 be safe ?), sits in his exile carousing from two o'clock, 
 and chuckles at the wrath of the gods, while you, 
 poor province ! get your verdict, and yet lament ? 
 Surely I may well deem this worthy of the midnight 
 oil of the Venusian. Surely I may pursue these 
 themes. Nay, what themes rather ? The Gestes of 
 Hercules or of Diomede, or the bellowing in the Maze, 
 or the sea struck by the boy and the Flying Joiner 
 — when the pandar-husband inherits the goods of 
 the adulterer, since the wife cannot lawfully inherit: 
 
 1—2 
 
4 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [l 
 
 well trained in eyeing the ceiling, and trained, too, 
 in snoring over his cups with nose well awake : when 
 a fellow deems it natural to look for the charge of a 
 cohort who has given his property to the stables, and 
 has lost all his ancestral property, as, with car at 
 racing speed, he flies down the Flaminian Way; this 
 young Automedon: yes, handling the reins himself, 
 and showing off to his Bloomer mistress ? Isn't one 
 tempted to fill even in the middle of the cross-ways 
 one s biggest note-books, when there comes sweeping 
 by a forger — with six pairs of shoulders already to 
 support him : open to the public gaze to right and 
 left, and his sedan almost uncurtained, reminding 
 you strongly of Maecenas, that arrant lounger — who 
 by a fraud had made himself an aristocrat and a 
 millionaire with a scrap of writing and a wet seal ? 
 Then there faces you a matron of position, who, when 
 about to hand the mellow Calenian, when her hus- 
 band thirsts, infuses toad-juice, and, improving on 
 Lucusta, teaches her unsophisticated kinswomen in 
 the teeth of the town's talk to carry out to burial 
 their husbands' livid corpses. Dare some deed to 
 entitle you to Gyara's narrow bounds, or a jail, if you 
 would be a somebody. Goodness gets praise and 
 starves. It is to crimes men owe their pleasure- 
 grounds, their castles, their banquets, their old silver, 
 and the beaker with the goat's figure in high relief. 
 
l] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 5 
 
 Who can rest for the corrupter who plays on his 
 daughter-in-law's avarice ? for the thought of be- 
 trothed ones falling, and adulterers in their teens? 
 Even if Nature says no, indignation makes verse — 
 the best it can : such as mine or Cluvienus's. 
 
 AH men's doings,— from the time when the 
 storm-clouds swelled the sea, and Deucalion scaled 
 the mountain in his bark, and asked an oracle, and 
 little by little the stones grew soft and glowed with 
 life, and Pyrrha displayed to suitors the girls 
 unrobed, — their wishes, their fears, their passion, 
 their caprice, their joys, their fuss — such is the 
 medley of my book. And when was vice's crop ever 
 more abundant ? When did avarice open her purse 
 wider? When had gambling such spirit? Why, 
 now men don't go to the hazard of the table, their 
 cashbox by their side, but they stake the Avhole chest 
 and play ! What a huge melee you'll there see — 
 their cashier handing them weapons ! Is it mere 
 ordinary madness to lose a hundred sesterces, and 
 not to give the shivering slave his tunic ? Who of 
 our ancestors ever reared as many villas or dined in 
 private on seven courses ? To-day a tiny dole-basket 
 is set on the outskirts of the vestibule for the gowned 
 crowd to scramble for. Even so, the patron first 
 scans your face, and is in a fidget lest you may come 
 as an impostor, and make your appeal under a false 
 
6 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [l 
 
 name. Once identified you'll get your gift. The 
 patron orders the very blue blood of Troy to be 
 summoned by his herald; for blue blood, too, throngs 
 the door, as well as we. 'Give to the praetor first 
 and then to the tribune.' ' Nay, but the freedman is 
 first.' 'I was here first,' he cries. *Why should I 
 hesitate or shrink from keeping my place, bom 
 though I was by Euphrates, as my womanlike 
 earringholes would declare, though I myself said no ? 
 Still five shops bring me in the magic four hundred. 
 What does the broader purple offer worth a wish, if 
 a Corvinus is keeping sheep for pay down in the 
 Laurentine district, while I own more than Pallas or 
 a Licinus?' Let them wait, then, these tribunes: 
 let riches carry the day: let him decline to budge for 
 the sacred office who only lately came to town with 
 whitened feet: since there is no divinity so sacred 
 with us as Cash, even though, 0 baneful Pelf, thou 
 hast thy home in no temple yet: though we have 
 reared no altars to Coin, as Peace and Honour, 
 Victory and Virtue are worshipped, and Concord, 
 who hails her brood and twitters. But when the 
 chief magistrate calculates at the year's end what 
 the dole-basket brings in, how much it adds to his 
 accounts, what will the poor retainers do who owe to 
 this their gowns and shoes, their bread and the fire 
 of their hearth ! A regular crowd of litters begs for 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 7 
 
 the hundred mites, and the wife follows her husband, 
 sickly, maybe, or enceinte, and goes the round with 
 him Here's one who begs for an absentee — an adept 
 now at the trick oft practised — pointing to the sedan 
 empty and curtained which serves for his wife, 
 "Tis my Galla,' says he, 'pass her on, quick ! Why 
 so long ? Galla, put your head out ! Nay, don't 
 disturb her, she'll be napping.' 
 
 The day, too, is cut up by a noble round of 
 engagements. First the dole: then comes the Forum 
 and Apollo, that finished advocate, and the heroes of 
 those triumphal statues, amongst whose number 
 some Egyptian effendi has dared to set his title, 
 whose effigy the law allows to treat with every insult. 
 They make from the door, those old retainers now 
 exhausted, and give over their prayers, although 
 man's longest cherished hope is his dinner. Poor 
 fellows ! they must buy their kail and fuel out of the 
 dole. Meantime, their monarch ^ill gulp down all 
 the good things of woodland and of ocean, and in 
 lonely grandeur will recline on the deserted dinner- 
 couch. For, with all their store of handsome and 
 spreading table-slabs, antique as they are, they glut 
 whole fortunes at a single board* Why, soon there'll 
 
 * Though possessed of so many fine tables at which they 
 might sumptuously entertain their friends, they use but one for 
 their solitary selfish excesses. 
 
8 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 be no parasite at all. But who could tolerate such 
 niggardly indulgence ? What a monstrous throat, 
 to serve up for itself a boar whole, an animal created 
 for dinner-parties ! But punishment is nigh, when 
 you put off your clothes, with swollen paunch, and 
 carry with you into the bath an undigested peacock. 
 Hence come sudden deaths and old age without a 
 will ; and, topic of every dinner-table, more startling 
 than sad, the funeral goes its way amid the plaudits 
 of disappointed friends. 
 
 There will be nothing further for posterity to 
 add to our corruption ; our descendants' actions and 
 passions will be even as ours. All evil has attained 
 its zenith. Up with your sails, unfurl every reef ! 
 Perhaps you may here ask. Whence find brains equal 
 to the subject ? Whence fetch our fathers' simple 
 habit of writing in the passion of the moment 
 whatever they pleased ? * Whose name dare I not 
 mention? Who cares whether Mucins condone my 
 jests or not ? ' Portray Tigellinus, and you'll have to 
 glow for it in yon pitch fire in which the wretches 
 stand burning who smoke with their breasts trans- 
 fixed — the fire which marks the broad furrow drawn 
 down the arena's midst. Is he then who has dosed 
 three uncles with aconite to be carried on a soft 
 hammock, and thence to look down scornfully on us? 
 'When he shall come over against you, lay your 
 
I] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 9 
 
 finger on your lip. He'll be an informer who shall 
 say but the word " That's he/' You may set Aeneas 
 and the savage Rutulian by the ears quite fearlessly. 
 Smiting Achilles gives no one a pang ; neither does 
 the long Quest of Hylas, who went the way of his 
 urn. But as often as Lucilius in burning passion, so 
 to say, draws his sword, and grinds his teeth, his 
 hearer reddens whose conscience is chilly at the 
 thought of crimes, and whose heart is hot with sin 
 unspoken. Hence anger and tears ! So consider 
 this well before the trumpet sound. The helmet 
 donned, too late to rue your quarrel.' Then I'll try 
 what licence is given me towards the men whose 
 ashes are covered by the Flaminian and Latin Ways. 
 
 III. 
 
 Although distracted at the separation from my 
 old friend, yet I commend his intention of making 
 his home in deserted Cumae, and of giving the Sibyl 
 at least one citizen. 'Tis the vestibule of Baiae — a 
 delightful watering-place in picturesque retirement. 
 For my own part I prefer even Prochyta to the 
 Suburra. For what spot has ever yet been seen so 
 
10 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [Ill 
 
 desolate and deserted, that you would not prefer it 
 to a constant terror of fires and falling houses, and the 
 countless other perils of this unfeeling city, where 
 poets spout under an August sun? But while his 
 whole establishment was being stowed away in a 
 single van, Umbricius stopped hard by the old arches 
 of the dripping Capena, and hereupon we went down 
 to where Numa kept nightly tryst with his goddess- 
 mistress, but where now the grove and shrine of the 
 holy stream are let out to the Jews, whose basket 
 and wisp of hay make all their furniture — for all the 
 trees have been called on to pay rent to the State : 
 the wood is a mass of beggars, and the native Muses 
 have been ejected. Well, down we went into Egeria's 
 valley and the grottoes so different from nature's 
 handiwork. How much better would the spirit of 
 the stream make his presence felt, if turf but fringed 
 the waters with a marge of green, and if no marble 
 profaned the native tufa ! And there and then 
 Umbricius begins: — 'Since,' said he, 'there is no 
 room in Town for honest industry, no recompense for 
 toil, and since my capital to-day is less than yesterday, 
 and yet again to-morrow will lose some more from its 
 small residue, I plan migrating to the spot where 
 Daedalus doffed his weary wings, whilst my grey 
 hairs are now first showing, whilst old age is still 
 fresh and upright, whilst some of my life's thread is 
 
Ill] 
 
 THK SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 11 
 
 left for destiny to spin, and whilst I carry myself upon 
 my own limbs without a staff's support beneath my 
 hand. I must leave my birthplace. Artorius and 
 Catulus can live in your midst, and they may stay 
 who can swear black is white, who scruple not to take 
 temple, river, harbour contracts, contracts for empty- 
 ing sewers, or bearing a corpse to the pyre, nor to 
 put up their goods (when all has failed,) to be 
 disposed of by the auction sale. Yon fellows, once 
 the fuglemen and regular hangers-on of the village 
 circus, whose puffed cheeks were a familiar sight 
 through all the country towns, are now the givers of 
 the shows, and butcher, for the mob's delight, the 
 wretch on w^hom it passes sentence with thumbs 
 turned inwards; then, turning from this, they farm 
 the public jakes. And why not go the whole round? 
 *Tis such as these that Fortune in her frolic moods 
 uplifts from meanness to the pinnacle of power. 
 What should I do at Rome? I have no skill in 
 lying. When a book's bad, I can't pay compliments 
 and beg its loan. I cannot read the stars, and 
 cannot — no, and would not — ^promise to a son his 
 father s speedy death. I never peered for auguries 
 in frogs' insides. The art of bearing to a married 
 dame the gifts and messages of her paramour I leave 
 to others. No peculator shall ever find an accomplice 
 in me ; and so in no governor's suite do I go abroad, 
 
12 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [Ill 
 
 as though I were a cripple — a useless carcass with a 
 withered limb. Who now can gain a friend unless 
 he be a confidant in crime, unless his fevered heart 
 throb with the guilty secret his tongue may never 
 tell? Nought does he think he owes you — nought 
 will he ever pay you, who has made you the reposi- 
 tory of a harmless confidence. Verres' favourite will 
 be the man who can prosecute Verres at any moment. 
 But prize not all the sands of shady Tagus, nor all its 
 seaward rolling gold so highly that for its sake you 
 would consent to lose your sleep, and to your sorrow 
 take a bribe you must one day resign, and be the 
 constant terror of your powerful friend. 
 
 ' And now I will at once admit to you — no sense 
 of shame shall stop me — what class is most in favour 
 with our wealthy men, and whom most of all I would 
 escape from. My fellow-citizens, I cannot stand a 
 Grecized Kome ; and yet, after all, what a fraction 
 of our canaille are Achaia's sons ! Syrian Orontes 
 has long been a tributary of the Tiber, and has 
 carried there his language and morals, his slanting 
 harps and pipers, the timbrels of the country and 
 the girls sent to ply their trade at the Circus. 
 Thither away, all ye who love an outlandish strumpet 
 in a gaudy turban. Your yeoman citizen, Quirinus, 
 dons his Greek boots, and wears a Greek prize collar 
 upon a neck that shines with Greek ointment. Here 
 
Ill] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 13 
 
 is one who has forsaken Sicyon on the Hill, another 
 Amydon, a third Andros, another Samos, another 
 Tralles or Alabanda — all bound for the Esquiline, 
 and the hill that is the osier's namesake, even now 
 the intimates of great men's households and their 
 destined masters. Their wits are all alive; their 
 effrontery desperate; and readiness of speech is 
 theirs — a flood of words that beats Isaeus. Say 
 now, what, think you, is his line ? Why, he puts 
 himself at our service a Jack-of-all-trades — a critic, 
 rhetorician, geometer, painter, trainer, prophet, rope- 
 dancer, doctor, sorcerer. The starveling Greek knows 
 all the sciences. Order him up to heaven, and he'll 
 be off. In short, it was no Moor, no Pole, or Thracian, 
 that took wings and flew, but one born in the heart 
 of Athens. Shall I not flee their purple robes ? Is 
 yonder fellow, whom the wind blew to Rome with 
 our plums and figs, to have the pas of me in signing 
 a will ? Is he to pillow his form on a better seat ? 
 Is it to go so utterly for nought that my babyhood 
 breathed the air of Aventine, and was brought up on 
 the Sabine berry ? See how that nation of accom- 
 plished flatterers can praise a friend's conversation if 
 he be a blockhead, his features if hideous ; how they 
 compare some weakling's scraggy neck with the 
 throat of Hercules hoisting Antaeus high from the 
 ground, or admire a squeaky voice as little pleasing 
 
U THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [ill 
 
 in its tone as e'en the cry of amorous cock. True, 
 we might flatter just as they, but they are thought 
 sincere. Is there a comic actor better than they at 
 playing of a Thais, or a matron, or a Dorian so spruce 
 without her shawl, although, to all appearance, 'tis a 
 real woman speaks, and not a stage impersonation, 
 although you'd swear there was a woman's form 
 before your eyes ? No, not Antiochus even, no, 
 Stratocles, nor yet Demetrius, nor girlish Haemus 
 would rouse astonishment in Greece. 'Tis a nation 
 of actors. If you but smile, your Greek with 
 heartier merriment shakes his sides; he weeps 
 outright if he has spied a tear in his friend's eye, 
 and yet he feels no grief. If in the winter season 
 you ask for a bit of fire, he seizes on a rug ; should 
 you exclaim, "I'm warm," he breaks into a sweat 
 By night or day he never fails to take his cue from 
 another's look, ready to throw up his hands and 
 applaud, if his patron has given a loud hiccough, or 
 drained to the bottom his golden goblet with a 
 gurgling sound. Aye, and nothing is held sacred 
 by them, nothing is safe from their lust — neithei 
 the mistress of the house, nor your unmarried 
 daughter, nor her betrothed, still beardless, nor 
 your son, untainted hitherto. If none of these is 
 to be found, he debauches his friend's grandmother. 
 And, since we've come to talk of Greeks, leave out 
 
Ill] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 15 
 
 of count the playgrounds of vice, and hear a crhne of 
 ' A Higher Degree/ Bareas, although his friend and 
 pupil, was done to death by an old Stoic turning 
 informer, who was bred on that river-side where 
 lighted the pinion of the nag of Gorgon breed. No 
 opening is left for any Roman here beneath the rule 
 of a Protogenes, a Diphilus, or Hermarchus, who, 
 true to the national failing, never shares a friend, 
 but keeps him to himself ; for, when he has infused 
 into his patron's too ready ear one drop of the poison 
 he owes to his nature and his country, the door is 
 shut on me, the years of constant devotion go for 
 nought. In no place is a client's loss of less account. 
 
 'Nay, not to Hatter ourselves, of what avail at 
 Rome are a poor man's friendly offices or service 
 rendered, however diligent he be to hurry off in full 
 dress ere daybreak to pay his call, when a town 
 magistrate is urging on his marshal, and bids him 
 go at topmost speed, for childless widows long have 
 been awake, and haply one of his learned brethren 
 may be the first to say good morning to Albina and 
 Media ? Here we have one of gentle blood yielding 
 the place of honour to a wealthy slave, for the latter 
 can give to one of his high-born mistresses the pay 
 of all a legion s officers each time he seeks her 
 favours, while you can scarce afford the lowest kind 
 of dissipation. At Rome, if you produce a witness 
 
16 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [Ill 
 
 of character as spotless as Cybele's entertainer — 
 nay, though Numa himself come into court, or he 
 who rescued scared Minerva from her temple on fire 
 — straightway we refer to his income; the last 
 enquiry made will be of character. "How many 
 servants does he keep ? How many acres of State 
 land does he hold ? Number and size of the dishes 
 on his table ? " The value of one's word is measured 
 strictly by the cash in one's coffer. Swear, if you 
 will, by the shrines of all the gods of Rome and 
 Samothrace to boot ; if poor, it is thought that you 
 despise Heaven and its thunders, and that the gods 
 themselves don't take offence. And see what food 
 and cause for merriment the poor man yields us all, 
 with his shabby, ragged cloak, or gown a little soiled, 
 or if one of his shoes gapes where the leather has 
 burst, or, where the rent has been sewn up, a 
 number of patches show the coarse fresh stitching. 
 This is the hardest trial that wretched penury brings 
 with it — it makes a man a laughing-stock. " Off the 
 Knights' cushions, for very shame ! Let him clear 
 out ! " they cry, " his means don't satisfy the statute's 
 terms ! And give those seats to pimps' brats spawned 
 in some harlot's den. Here let the son of a spruce 
 auctioneer clap hands among a prize-fighter's foppish 
 boys and a fencing-master's bullies. Such the 
 pleasure of empty-headed Otho, who railed us off." 
 
Ill] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 17 
 
 Who is approved as a son-in-law at Kome, if his 
 income is below the mark, and does not match the 
 lady's fortune ? What poor man is ever named in a 
 will ? When is he a police-magistrate's assessor ? 
 The poor Quirites ought long ago to have migrated 
 in a body. 'Tis hard for them to rise whose worth 
 is crushed by pinching poverty ; but at Rome they 
 have the sorest struggle. What a price for the 
 shabbiest lodging ! What a price for servants' food ! 
 What a price for a plain dinner ! And here you 
 blush to dine off earthenware, which you would say 
 was no disgrace, were you transported suddenly 
 among the Marsi or to a Sabine board. There, 
 too, you'd wear contentedly the coarse, green country- 
 cape. Through much of Italy (if we can admit that 
 truth to ourselves,) none wear the citizen's gown till 
 dead. And e'en what time they solemnise in sod- 
 built theatre the festal rites of holy days, and when 
 the favourite farce now comes upon the boards once 
 more, and when the peasant's babe, at its mother's 
 breast, shrinks in terror from the ghastly mask with 
 its abysmal mouth, you'll see a uniform attire for 
 populace and reserved seats alike, and even the high 
 and mighty village magistrates content themselves 
 with white blouses, as garb of their exalted office. 
 In Rome men dress with showiness beyond their 
 means, and what they crave above requirements too 
 
18 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [ill 
 
 oft is taken from a neighbour s coffer. The vice is 
 universal. We live like paupers aping their betters. 
 At Rome, in short, everything means expense. What 
 a price you pay to be at length allowed a morning 
 call on Cossus, or for Veiento's silent patronising 
 bow ! Your patron shaves a favourite slave, and 
 consecrates the hair. The house is full of cakes — 
 FOR SALE ! So take your cake, and take this thought 
 to leaven it : We poor dependants have to pay black- 
 mail to swell the perquisites of pampered menials. 
 
 ' Who fears or ever feared the fall of a house at 
 cool Praeneste or Volsinii embosomed among wooded 
 hills, or in unsophisticated Gabii, or on the heights of 
 sloping Tivoli ? But the city we live in is, much of 
 it, shored up with flimsy buttresses. For thus the 
 landlord stays our fall, and, covering over the old 
 gaping crack, while a crash is imminent, he bids us 
 sleep in peace. There must I live where fires and 
 night-alarms are unknown. Hark ! Ucalegon is 
 bawling for water; and now he's shifting his 
 furniture ; and, there you are ! the third story's 
 smoking, you all unconscious ! For, if there's a 
 panic on the ground floor, the last to bum will be 
 the lodger with but one tile 'twixt him and the rain, 
 there where the gentle turtles lay their eggs. Codrus 
 had a bed too short for Procula and six little pipkins 
 to make his sideboard gay. Besides, there was a 
 
Ill] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 19 
 
 tiny drinking-bowl beneath, and a recumbent Chiron, 
 too, under the marble slab, and a hamper now well- 
 worn held his Greek books, where Barbarian mice 
 kept nibbling at the inspired poems. In fact, Codrus 
 had nothing. Too true. Still he has lost all that 
 nothing, poor soul ! And this, to crown his woes — 
 when he is naked and begging for scraps, none will 
 relieve him with food, not one with lodging and 
 shelter. But if rich Asturicus' grand mansion has 
 perished, mothers put on weeds, the nobility goes 
 into mourning, the judge adjourns the court. Ah ! 
 then we lament the accidents of city life and hate 
 the very name of fire ! While still it is burning, one 
 hurries up to offer to give the marble and share the 
 cost of rebuilding. Another will send white marble 
 nudes: another some master-piece of Euphranor or 
 Polyclitus, time-honoured works that graced the 
 shrines of slippered gods ; and another again will 
 offer books and cases, and with them a figure of 
 Minerva : and another a bushel of silver. Persicus, 
 most sumptuous of childless men, replaces what he 
 lost with better articles and more of them, and is at 
 once, and rightly, too, suspected of having fired his 
 house with his own hand. If you can tear yourself 
 from the circus games, you can buy an excellent 
 house at Sora, Fabrateria or Frusino for one year s 
 rent of your dark garret. There, with your bit of 
 
 2—2 
 
20 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [Ill 
 
 garden, and shallow well, whose water needs no rope 
 to lift it, but is with ease drawn off and poured upon 
 the tiny plants, live on, a votary of the pitchfork and 
 landlord of a trim garden, from which you could 
 (line a hundred Pythagoreans. 'Tis something in 
 any region, in any corner of earth, to have made 
 yourself lord of a single lizard. 
 
 'Many a patient here is killed by sleeplessness. 
 The illness comes of undigested food that clogs the 
 inflamed stomach (for in what lodging-house can 
 sleep be had ? Sleep in town is expensive, and this 
 is the root of the disease.) The traffic of carts in 
 narrow winding streets and the din when a herd of 
 cattle is blocked, would waken even Drusus and sea- 
 calves. 
 
 'If social duty call your rich man forth, the 
 crowd will give way as he is borne along, and he 
 will speed on above their heads in his big palanquin. 
 Upon the way he'll read or write, or even doze 
 inside, (for the litter with its windows closed invites 
 slumber,) and yet he'll get there first. As we hurry 
 on, we are stopped by the surging mass in front, 
 while a great host of people following press at our 
 back ; one digs me with his elbow, a second with 
 the hard pole of a litter, a third bangs my sconce 
 with a beam, another with a jar. My legs are caked 
 with mud ; and then those around trample me with 
 
Ill] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 21 
 
 tlieir big feet, and a soldier s hob-nail pierces my toe. 
 See what a smoke rises from the crowd round ' The 
 Dole ; ' — a hundred pensioners, each with his private 
 stove behind him. Scarce could Corbulo bear on 
 top of his head all those big utensils, all that gear, 
 which the poor little slave carries with straight neck, 
 keeping the fire alive by his rapid movement. The 
 poor men's blouses, not long mended, are torn afresh, 
 as a float comes on with a tall fir swaying to and fro, 
 and a waggon besides, carrying a pine-tree, which 
 nods high in air, and bodes mischief to the crowd. 
 For, suppose a dray loaded with Ligurian marble 
 has turned over, and, upsetting that mountain of 
 rock, has discharged it on the troops of people, what 
 is there left of them ? who can identify the limbs 
 and bones? Their vulgar carcasses are ground to 
 dust, and disappear like a breath. Meanwhile their 
 unsuspecting households are already washing the 
 plates, blowing up the little fire, making a clatter 
 as they oil the flesh-scrapers, and laying out towels 
 and fresh-filled ointment-bottle; but, while the 
 servants briskly ply their various tasks, the master, 
 even now, seated on the river-bank, is shuddering 
 at the strange spectacle of the grim ferryman, nor 
 can he hope, poor soul ! to cross the turbid stream, 
 having no copper in his mouth wherewith to pay. 
 'Consider, now, the other and distinctive perils 
 
22 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [HI 
 
 of the night ; how high those towering housetops 
 from which a potsherd strikes your skull ! Think 
 how often cracked or broken earthenware is thrown 
 from the windows ! See with what force it dents 
 and scores the flint pavement ! You may well be 
 called heedless and careless of sudden mishaps, if 
 you go out to dine, and no will made : so true it is 
 that death waits for you at every open lighted 
 window that you pass that night. " Then hope and 
 pray with silent pitiful vows that the windows may 
 content themselves with emptying on you the broad 
 foot-pans. Your drunken bravo, too, if so be he has 
 broke no head, suffers for it by spending such a 
 night as Peleus' son, when mourning for his friend — 
 now lying on his face, now turning on his back. A 
 brawl induces slumber^[ But, spite the recklessness 
 of youth and heat of wine, he gives a safe berth to 
 one from whom he is warned off by his scarlet 
 mantle and long-drawn escort, with many a torch 
 besides, and a lamp of bronze ; but, as for me, who 
 have generally only the moon to see me home, or 
 else a short-lived candle, whose wick I husband and 
 economise — me he but scorns. Hark to the prelude 
 to the wretched fight, if that be a fight where you 
 bestow and I just take the knocks. He stands in 
 front, and bids me halt. I must obey; for what is 
 one to do when in the power of a madman stronger 
 
Ill] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 23 
 
 than oneself? "Whence come you?" he yells. 
 " With whose sour wine, whose beans is your belly 
 filled ? What cobbler has shared with you his cut- 
 leek and sodden sheep's-head? Do you not answer 
 me ? Speak, or be kicked ! Out with it ! Where 
 do you stand to beg ? In what praying-shop am 
 I to look for you ? " Whether you try to speak or 
 silently retreat, it's all one; they cudgel you all the 
 same, and then, in their spite, hold you to bail. 
 This is the poor man's privilege. Thrashed, he may 
 beg; mangled with buffets, may entreat permission 
 to go home with a few teeth still left. Nor is this 
 all you have to fear. Plenty there'll be to rob you, 
 when the houses are shut up, the shop doors every- 
 where barred and chained, and all is still. Some- 
 times, too, armed banditti go suddenly to work. At 
 such times as the Pontine Marsh and Gallinarian 
 Pine Wood are kept in safety by a military guard, 
 thence they all swarm to Rome as to their feeding- 
 ground. What furnace, what anvil is not forging 
 heavy chains ? Most of our iron is used on fetters, 
 and so you well might fear a dearth of ploughshares, 
 a scarcity in rakes and mattocks. Happy, you may ^ 
 say, were our grandsires' grandsires, and blest the j 
 age of Kings and Tribunes long ago, which saw 
 Rome contented with a single gaoL 
 
 * To these I could add many other reasons. But 
 
24 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [m 
 
 my team calls me ; the sun is setting ; I must away. 
 The muleteer has long been signalling to me with 
 brandished whip. And so farewell. Do not forget 
 me ; and oft as Rome consigns you, anxious to recruit 
 your health, to the care of your native Aquinum, 
 beguile me too from Cumae to visit Helvian Ceres 
 and your patroness Diana. I'll don my military 
 boots, and come to your cool fields for active service 
 with your satires, unless they are ashamed of my 
 aid.' 
 
 lY. 
 
 Crispinus again ! Yes, I must often bring him 
 on the stage. The monster! without one virtue to 
 redeem his vice. Effete voluptuary ! feeble in every- 
 thing but lust! Adulterer! who confines his at- 
 tentions to married ladies. What matter then how 
 huge the colonnades where he gallops his team, how 
 vast the shady groves where he takes an airing in his 
 litter, how many acres and what mansions he has 
 bought near the Forum ? Incestuous wretch ! who 
 late debauched a vestal with her sacred cincture on, 
 and doomed her to a living tomb. But now I speak 
 of faults less heinous indeed, yet such as if another 
 
ly] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 25 
 
 had committed, he would be cast before the censor ; 
 for sins that would disgrace worthy Titius or Seius 
 sat gracefully upon Crispinus. What are you to do 
 when a rascal's character is blacker than the worst 
 impeachment? He bought a mullet for 6000 ses- 
 terces — 'tis true, he got a pound of fish for each 
 thousand — at least, so say they who make a good 
 story better. All honour to the master's art, if, 
 by a gift even of such a price, he won first place in a 
 childless old man s will ! There was still another 
 excuse, if he presented it to his noble mistress, who 
 takes her airing in her closed but big-windowed 
 palanquin. Don't fancy any such thing. He bought 
 it for himself. We see many extravagances now-a- 
 days that poor niggardly Apicius never rose to. Was 
 this the price, Crispinus — once aproned slave-like 
 with the papyrus of your country — was this the price 
 you paid for fish-scales ? May be the fisherman 
 could have been bought for less than the fish. The 
 provinces could sell you a manor at the price — aye, 
 and Apulia one still larger. What feasts must we 
 suppose His Imperial Highness gorged in times 
 when the popinjay jester of his exalted court gobbled 
 all that money in one small tit-bit — a mere side-dish 
 at a ' little dinner ! ' And now he's Captain of the 
 Body Guard, who once used to cry for a damaged lot 
 of his fellow-burghers, the Shads. Begin, Calliope ; 
 
26 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [IV 
 
 but take a chair. 'Tis not an epic. There's a true 
 tale on hand. Tell it, Pierian maids, and thank me 
 that I call you maids. 
 
 What time the last of Flavian line was mangling 
 the world, half-killed already, and Eome was in 
 bondage to *Nero the Bald,' before the shrine of 
 Venus, perched on Doric Ancon s height, there fell 
 into the net an Adriatic turbot, wondrous-sized, which 
 filled its folds and stuck there fast, huge as the fish 
 that the Maeotic ice imprisons, and when dissolved 
 at last by summer's suns lets go in a stream to the 
 mouth of rushing Euxine, now sluggish through 
 their winter's sleep, and bloated from protracted cold. 
 The master of the boat and net reserves the prodigy 
 for His Eminence the Pontiff to expiate; for who 
 would dare to show for sale or purchase such a fish 
 when even the sea-shore swarms with crowds of 
 spies ? Those ubiquitous inspectors of sea-weed would 
 quickly take the law of the helpless fisherman, nor 
 scruple to declare the fish a runaway, that long had 
 fed in Caesar's preserves, had thence escaped, and 
 must revert to its first owner. If we are to give 
 any credence to Palfurius and Armillatus, there's not 
 a fine or pretty creature all ocean over, no matter 
 where it swims, but is forfeit to the Crown. And 
 so the fisherman will give it, lest he should lose the 
 credit. And now, though pestilent Autumn was 
 
IV] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 27 
 
 flying before the frosts, and fever patients began to 
 hope for ague, although bleak Winter s blasts were 
 howling, and kept the prize untainted, yet off he 
 dashes, as though the Sirocco were at his heels. 
 And when the lakes lay at his feet, where Alba, 
 though in ruins, keeps alive Troy's fire, and worships 
 Vesta the Less, the gaping crowd a moment barred 
 his entering. Then, as it stood aside, the folding 
 doors flew open on swift-revolving hinge. The locked- 
 out Senators gaze wistfully at the dainty that is 
 admitted to the presence. The ^ King of men ' gives 
 audience, and the Picenian says: 'Take what no 
 subject's kitchen fire is equal to, and give yourself 
 this day's enjoyment. Be quick and let your belly 
 have a good blow-out, and eat the turbot up, reserved 
 to grace your reign. The fish was eager to be caught.' 
 What could be more transparent? Yet his comb 
 began to rise. There is no flattery that godlike 
 ' Majesty ' could not believe. But stay ! There was 
 no dish to match the fish. And so he calls a council 
 of his nobles, whom in his heart he loathed, upon 
 whose faces sat the pallor and misery of their grand 
 friendship. ' Make haste, the chair is taken/ cries 
 the Liburnian usher, and, snatching up his overcoat, 
 comes hurrying in the first of all, Pegasus, so lately 
 set as bailiff over the scared city. An incorruptible 
 dispenser of the law, he fancied that Justice might 
 
28 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [lY 
 
 punish every crime without her sword, even in that 
 dreadful age. Next came old genial Crispus, whose 
 disposition matched his eloquence — a man of gentle 
 temper. What better minister for one who ruled all 
 seas, and lands, and nations, if 'neath the sway of 
 that pest and scourge 'twere possible to censure 
 cruelty and offer honest counsel? But what more 
 ticklish thing than is the ear of a despot holding in 
 the balance the life of his courtier, who has to talk 
 about the rain, or heat, or the thunderstorms this 
 spring? And so he never struck out against the 
 stream, nor was he patriot enough to give free 
 utterance to his thoughts, and sacrifice his life for 
 truth. So armed, even in that court, he kept secure, 
 and saw the flight of many a winter, yea, saw his 
 eightieth summer. The next to hurry in was one of 
 equal years, Acilius, along with his young son, so 
 undeserving of the cruel death in store for him, that 
 untimely death by his liege's dagger. But an aged 
 nobleman has long been a sort of miracle, wherefore 
 I'd rather be the little brother of a ' Son of the soil.' 
 So then it nought availed the wretch that in light 
 hunting dress he closed with bears of Africa, and 
 stabbed them in the palace circus. For who by this 
 time would fail to see through such ruses of the 
 patricians ? Who, Brutus, now-a-days admires that 
 primitive craft of yours ? 'Tis a trifle to outwit an 
 
IV] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 29 
 
 old-world monarch. And next came Kubrius, with 
 face as gloomy, although no noble — guilty of an old 
 crime, not to be spoken of, and yet more shameless 
 than a profligate writing satire. And here comes 
 Montanus' big belly — its bulk delayed him; and 
 Crispinus, early as it is, reeking of perfumes, enough 
 almost for a couple of funerals ; and Pompeius too, 
 even more ruthless than he in slitting throats by his 
 insinuating whispers ; and Fuscus, who was keeping 
 his heart over for the Dacian vultures, and in his 
 marble halls planned his campaigns ; and sly Veiento, 
 with the murderer Catullus, burning with passion 
 for a girl whom he had no eyes to see, a monster 
 strange and startling even in these days — this sight- 
 less flatterer, this revolting bridge-loafer come to 
 court ; fit to ask alms at the side of carriages on the 
 Arician Koad, and meanly kiss hands to the vehicles 
 as they descend. No one was more lost over the 
 turbot, for he poured forth praises, turning left-ways 
 — but the creature lay on his right. Even so he 
 would admire a gladiator s strokes and skill and the 
 stage machinery on which boys were swung to the 
 awning. Veiento is not to be outdone, but as it were 
 inspired and stung, Bellona, by thy gadfly, prophet- 
 like he cries — 'A solemn intimation this of a great 
 and glorious triumph ! A king shall be your prisoner, 
 or Arviragus shall tumble from his British chariot! 
 
30 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [iV 
 
 The monster is a foreigner ; see how his spines bristle 
 up on his back*/ Fabricius omitted nothing but to 
 state the turbot's age and nation. 'How do you vote ? 
 Cut it up?' 'Heaven spare it that indignity!' 
 exclaimed Montanus, 'Prepare a dish of depth to 
 hold its vast circumference within slender walls. 
 Such dish demands the mighty God of Crockery's 
 instant help. Quick there ! Clay and a potter's 
 wheel ! Caesar, henceforth let potters attend your 
 camp.' The resolution passed. 'Twas worthy of its 
 mover, familiar with the old Court luxury, and Nero's 
 midnight orgies, and appetites renewed when lungs 
 are burning with Falernian. In my day none had 
 greater knowledge of gastronomy. He could with 
 nicety discriminate at the first taste if oysters were 
 Circean 'natives,' or bred on Lucrine rocks, or 
 Richborough beds. One glance at a sea-urchin, 
 and he would name its native shore. The House 
 rises. The meeting is dissolved, and the nobles are 
 dismissed, whom their Sovereign Lord had dragged 
 to his Alban castle in a flutter of urgent haste, as 
 though he had some news to tell of the Catti or of 
 the Sicambrian savages, as though from opposite 
 
 * In terga, lit. *to his back'. The turbot's spines rise in the 
 creature's amazement at finding himself in such strange company. 
 Or it may perhaps be meant that the spines present to Veiento's 
 eyes the appearance of Roman javelins, piercing the backs of 
 enemies in flight. 
 
IV] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 31 
 
 quarters of the world alarming missives had come 
 with headlong haste. 
 
 And oh ! that he had chosen to spend on such 
 like trifling all those bloody days in which he 
 widowed Rome of lofty, noble souls, with none to 
 punish, none to avenge ! But soon as the vulgar 
 took alarm, he fell. 'Twas this that struck his 
 death-blow, drenched though he was before with 
 Lamian blood. 
 
 V. 
 
 If you re not yet ashamed of your course of life, 
 if you are still of the same mind, so as to think the 
 height of happiness is living on your neighbour's 
 crumbs, if you can stand affronts, which even Sarmen- 
 tus and the worthless Gabba would not have brooked 
 at Caesar s ill-assorted parties, I should fear to take 
 your evidence, no matter how you swore to it. I 
 know of nothing easier to satisfy than the stomach. 
 But, granting that you lack even the wherewithal to 
 fill a craving belly, is there no vacant kerbstone : is 
 there no bridge, nor half a beggar s mat anywhere 
 vacant? Can you so prize a dinner bought with 
 flouts, when, ravenously hungry as you are, it would 
 
32 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 be less disgrace to shiver in the street, and gnaw the 
 dogs' foul crusts ? 
 
 Mark this point first. The invitation to his board 
 is payment in full for your patient attentions. The 
 great man's friendship has produced — a meal ! Your 
 liege lord takes credit for it — credit, however seldom 
 he invites you. And so, if once in a couple of months 
 he takes it into his head to have in his well-snubbed 
 hanger-on, but only lest the third place be vacant, 
 and one couch left unfilled, he says, ' Come, join our 
 party.' The zenith of your hope ! What more do 
 you want ? Trebius is paid for his broken slumbers, 
 and shoe-strings left untied through fear lest the 
 whole mob of morning visitors may even now have 
 made their round, while stars are paling, or slow 
 Charles' Wain is turning in a winter's sky. But 
 what a dinner ! The wine is such that greasy wool 
 would scorn to be soaked in it. You'll see the 
 drinkers grow delirious. J eers are the prelude to the 
 fray. Presently you're flinging tumblers, and you've 
 got a wound, and mop your gashes with a bloody 
 napkin — all this, whenever a hot quarrel, provoked 
 by a flagon of Saguntine, begins between yourself 
 and his suit of quondam slaves. Our host drinks 
 wine racked off in days when consuls wore the beard. 
 The cup he holds contains the grape-juice squeezed 
 in the Social War: but never a spoonful will he 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 33 
 
 send to his dyspeptic friend. To-morrow he'll quaff 
 a brand from Alba s or Setia's hills, its name and 
 vintage worn away by age that coats the old jar 
 with soot — such as was drunk by Thrasea and 
 Helvidius garland-crowned upon the birthdays of 
 Cassius and the Bruti. Host Virro uses ample bowls 
 amber-embossed and beryl-studded beakers. Gold 
 is not trusted in your hands, or, if it ever be, a guard 
 is posted near, to count the jewels, and keep a watch 
 upon sharp finger-nails. Excuse him. There is a 
 jasper there* — a splendid one, and much admired ; 
 for Virro, like many others, transfers his gems from 
 hand to cup — gems that the hero preferred to 
 jealous larbas was wont to wear upon his scabbard's 
 front. You'll drain your small four-nozzled glass 
 that bears the name of Beneventum's cobbler. The 
 glass is cracked and w^ants to be changed for brim- 
 stone ware. If wine and food fever his lordship's 
 stomach, he asks for water boiled and cooled with 
 Getic snows. The water that you drink is different. 
 Your cup will be handed by a Berber courier, or by a 
 bony-fingered, swarthy Moor, whom you'd but little 
 care to meet at midnight, when riding past the 
 tombs on the steep Latin Road. Before the host 
 
 * Illi in Mayor's text apparently a misprint for illic^ as in note, 
 p. 252 (2nd ed.) and in index, p. 430. Jahn's reading is ilUj i.e, 
 poculo. Possibly line 42 should be regarded as spoken by tlie 
 attendant, * Excuse me! The jasper on that cup is a precious one.' 
 
 J. 3 
 
34 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [V 
 
 will stand the Rose of Asia, who cost a sum beyond 
 the joint estates of Fighting Tullius and Ancus — far 
 more, in short, than all the goods and chattels of 
 Rome's whole line of kings. So, when you're thirsty, 
 look to your Berber Ganymede. A youth who cost 
 so many thousands is quite above mixing a poor 
 mans liquor; but his beauty and his years justify 
 his disdain. When does he come to your side ? 
 When answer your call, and fetch you 'hot' or 'cold'? 
 In fact he scorns to take an order from an old retainer, 
 resents your asking anything, and sitting down while 
 he must stand. Mark how that other grumbled, as 
 he handed bread broken with difficulty, those stale 
 and mouldy lumps of meal, fit to give your molars a 
 shock, refusing to be chewed. But for my lord is 
 kept soft snowy bread of finest flour. Be sure to 
 keep hands off. Respect the sacred bread-pan! 
 Suppose yourself however a trifle presuming, there's 
 someone standing over you to make you drop the 
 bread. 'You saucy guest, will you just fill your 
 belly from your accustomed tray, and learn the 
 colour of your own bread V 'And so it was for this,' 
 you'll say, ' that I so often left my wife, and hurried 
 up the steep of chill Esquiliae, amid the fury of 
 spring thunderstorms and pitiless hail, my cloak all 
 dripping with the drenching shower ! ' But see the 
 lobster that is served to my lord, with how stately 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 35 
 
 a front it adorns the dish; see the asparagus that 
 garnishes it, and the tail with which it flouts the 
 company, as it comes in, borae high in the tall 
 footman's hands ! But a little crawfish hemmed 
 in with half an egg is set before you, a funeral 
 feast upon a tiny plate. The great man souses his 
 fish in the oil of Venafrum. The sickly cabbages 
 brought you, my poor fellow, will smell of lamps. On 
 your plates is bestowed the stuff borne up the Tiber 
 in a Micipsa's sharp-bowed reed canoe — stuff, from 
 fear of which no one at Rome can bathe in Bocchar's 
 company. My lord will have a mullet that was sent 
 by Corsica or Tauromenium's rocks ; for all our own 
 seas have been ransacked, and long ago have failed 
 in their supplies, while gluttony still rages, and our 
 Fish-market with ever-busy net explores the neigh- 
 bouring waters, nor do we let the Tuscan fish attain 
 maturity. And so the provinces supply our kitchens. 
 Thence are procured the dainties for fortune-hunting 
 Laenas to buy, and for Aurelia to sell. Virro is 
 helped to a lamprey, the largest yielded by the 
 Sicilian whirlpool ; for while the South Wind holds 
 himself in check, and sits in prison, drying his 
 dripping wings, midmost Charybdis has no terrors for 
 the reckless seines. For you there waits an eel, the 
 long snake s cousin, or pike of Tiber, spotted by the 
 frost — even though a low-born native of the bank, 
 
 3—2 
 
36 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [v 
 
 fattened on streams of sewage, that many a time ex- 
 plored the drains under the heart of the Subura. 
 
 And now Td wish a word with the host, if he'd 
 but lend a listening ear. None ask you to lavish 
 bounties, like to the ordinary gifts of Seneca, and 
 worthy Piso, and Cotta, on ordinary friends ; for in 
 the days of old the pride of giving was valued more 
 than titles and insignia. We only ask of you to 
 dine like a citizen. Do this, and still remain, 
 remain like many more, large-hearted to yourself, a 
 pauper to your friends. 
 
 Before the master steams the liver of an over- 
 grown goose, a crammed fowl big as a goose, and 
 a boar worthy of 'yellow-haired' Meleagers steel. 
 Then truffles will be served him, if it be Spring, and 
 welcome thunderstorms should swell his bill of fare. 
 ' Keep your corn to yourself,' Alledius cries, ' O 
 Libya, and unyoke your bulls, if but you send us 
 truffles ! ' Meantime, to make you angry as can be, 
 observe that capering carver making his flourishes 
 with nimble knife, until he has gone through all the 
 professor's lessons. No doubt the flourishes with 
 which the hare or capon is carved make no small 
 difference in taste. But if once you dare to ope your 
 lips, as though you had three names, then like Cacus 
 clubbed by Hercules, dragged forth by the heels, 
 you'll be turned out of doors. When does Virro 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 37 
 
 drink your health, or take a cup polluted by your 
 lips ? And which of you so wholly reckless and so 
 lost to shame, as to ask His Majesty to take wine 
 with you ? There's many a speech tabooed to those 
 with ragged coats. Suppose a god, or some mere 
 mortal like the gods and kinder than the fates, 
 should gift you with a knight's estate; from being 
 nobody, oh ! what a friend ! oh ! what a friend of 
 Virro's would you then become ! ' Help Trebius/ 
 * Set this by Trebius ! ' ' Dear brother, have a slice 
 right off the loin/ Ah ! Money, 'tis you he honours 
 thus — 'tis you who are his brother ! But if you'd be 
 yourself a patron and your patron's lord, then have 
 not — 
 
 * A boy Aeneas gambolling in your hall ' — 
 
 nor daughter, dearer still ! But, as it is, your 
 Mygale may be confined, and set a triplet of boys 
 upon their father's knee : your lord will be delighted 
 with the chattering brood, will order in the green 
 jerkin, and the filberts, and the copper begged for 
 whenever little Master Parasite comes to table. His 
 despised hangers-on will be served with mushrooms 
 of a dubious sort : his lordship with a splendid one, 
 aye, fine as Claudius ate before that given him by 
 his wife, after which he ate no more. Virro will 
 have himself and all the other Virros helped to fruit, 
 on the bare scent of which you might make a meal, 
 
38 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 — like to the produce of Phaeacia's eternal harvest- 
 tide, or such as you might fancy were filched from 
 the Libyan Sisters — whilst you are feasting on a 
 rotten apple, such as is munched upon the Embank- 
 ment by the figure that wears the casque and 
 buckler, schooled by the terrors of the lash to shoot 
 his javelin from his hairy goat-charger. Perhaps 
 you fancy Virro wants to save. No, he takes pains 
 to mortify you. For what dinner-farce or interlude 
 can beat ' The Disappointed Belly V So, let me tell 
 you, 'tis all done to make you vent your spite in 
 tears, and keep on grinding your tight-clenched 
 teeth. You think yourself a free man and a mon- 
 arch's guest. He thinks of you as the slave of his 
 savoury cookery. Nor is he far wrong; for who, 
 however destitute, could twice brook his insolence, 
 whether one were born to the Tuscan gold or to the 
 poor man s knotted leather badge ? A vision of fine 
 fare beguiles you : * See ! he'll send now the rem- 
 nants of the hare and a slice of boar's haunch ! That 
 capon, too small for him, will reach us presently!' 
 And so you wait in silence with bread in hand 
 unbroken, ready for action. He shows his sense who 
 makes this use of you. If you can suffer all things, 
 you deserve them. Some day you'll shave your 
 head, and offer it for buffets, and, shrinking not 
 from galling stripes, will prove yourself well worthy 
 such a feast and such a friend 
 
VIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 39 
 
 VII. 
 
 The future of poetry and the impulse thereto 
 depend on Caesar wholly. He alone looked with 
 pity on the neglected Muses in these times when 
 even poets of fame and note began to try the 
 experiment of renting a little bath at Gabii or 
 bakery at Eome, and others thought it no disgrace 
 or shame to turn town-criers : when Clio for very 
 hunger left Aganippe's glades, and removed to the 
 auction-rooms. For if not one copper reveals its 
 face to you in the Pierian groves, then be content 
 with a Machaeras fare and fame, and sell (for 'tis 
 the better course) what the auction strife disposes of 
 to the bidders — wine-cases, tripods, cabinets, baskets, 
 Paccius' Ahithoe, or Faustus' Thebes and Tereus. 
 Better this than to swear in court ' I witnessed ' 
 what you witnessed not, though Knights of Asia and 
 Cappadocia may do so, and Knights of Bithynia,* 
 whom New Gaul exports to us with shoeless feet. 
 But henceforth none will be driven to drudgery 
 degrading to the poet's calling, if he can join an 
 eloquent diction to tuneful measures, and has 
 chewed the bay. Lads, persevere ! Your gracious 
 
 * Mayor's text equites Bithyni evidently a misprint for equites- 
 que Bithyni, See notes p. 277 and index. 
 
40 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 sovereign looks round upon you all, and spurs you 
 on, and seeks out objects for his bounty. If you 
 think to look for patronage of your art elsewhither, 
 and with this hope are filling up, page after page, 
 the yellow parchment, then — lose no time, call for a 
 bit of fire, and make a present of your works, my 
 Telesinus, to Venus' spouse, or else lock up your 
 books, and let the worms devour them stowed away. 
 Wretch ! break your pens, blot out the battles that 
 have cost you your sleep, you who write soaring 
 epics in a little crib, to earn an ivy crown and 
 lantern-jawed bust. Beyond the Emperor youVe no 
 resource. Close-fisted millionaires of late have 
 learned to admire and praise (but nothing more) 
 the gifted ones, as boys do Juno's bird. But it is 
 ebbing away, that time of life that could bear the 
 sea, the helmet, or the spade. Then weariness steals 
 on the mind: then the old poet, coatless though 
 eloquent, curses himself and his Patron Muse. 
 
 Kow hear the rich man s shifts. Courting his 
 favour, you cut the shrine of the Muses and Apollo. 
 Lest he may have to help you, he turns poet himself, 
 and yields the palm to Homer only — on the score of 
 his thousand years. If, fired by fame's delights, you 
 must recite, he lends a mildewed building; this 
 house he places at your service is far away, iron- 
 barred, its door like gate of a beleaguered town. 
 
vn] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 41 
 
 He can lend a freedman audience, too, to sit at the 
 ends of the rows, and can sprinkle his loud-voiced 
 retainers up and down. But none of your grandees 
 will give the hire of the benches and of the tiers 
 supported on the beams (these hired as well,) nor of 
 the chairs ranged in the orchestra (to be returned.) 
 Yet we work on, cutting our furrows in the shallow 
 dust, turning the sand with unproductive plough. 
 For, though you struggle to escape, the scribbling itch 
 has caught you in its toils, thirsting for glory, and 
 roots itself in mind diseased. But the poet above 
 the herd, of no trite vein, not always hammering at 
 some well-worn theme, and minting hackneyed lays 
 with the stamp of common-place — such a one as 
 nowhere can I point to, but can only fancy — is 
 produced by a spirit unruffled by anxiety, untouched 
 by any bitterness — a spirit that courts the woods, 
 and loves to drink of the * Muses' rills. To chaunt 
 within Pierian grot, to wield the wand of inspi- 
 ration — these are denied to dolorous poverty that 
 lacks the pelf the body calls for day and night. He 
 has dined has Horace when he shouts his 'Evoe.' 
 Your hearts admit not of divided interests. What 
 room there for a poet's frenzy, unless the only storm 
 that stirs them be that of song, unless they are swept 
 along in the train of the Lords of Cirra and Nysa ? 
 * AonideSf i.e. the Muses, as dwellers by Helicon and Aganippe. 
 
42 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [vil 
 
 Twas a great mind's creation — not that of one 
 bewildered how to get a blanket — that vision of 
 chariots and horses and faces celestial, and of the 
 Fury's shape when dazing the Rutulian. Were 
 Vergil left without a slave and decent lodging, then 
 every snake would tumble from his locks: his 
 trumpet hushed would blare no thrilling note. Can 
 we expect Eubrenus Lappa to match the Tragedy of 
 old, with crockery and great-coat pawned, all through 
 his Atreus'} Poor Numitor has nothing to send a 
 friend : he has enough for presents to Quintilla, aye 
 and made out the means to buy a lion ready-tamed, 
 that must be fed with lumps of meat. No doubt the 
 monster s keep costs less, and a poet's belly takes 
 more to fill. Lucan may loll among the marbles in 
 his grounds, and be content with fame; but what 
 good will all the glory in the world do for Serranus 
 and poor Saleius, if 'tis but glory ? Crowds rush to 
 hear the sweet tones and strains of the people's 
 pet ThebaiSj when Statins has put the town in 
 ecstasies by fixing a day for a reading; so greatly 
 does he charm and captivate our hearts, so eagerly 
 the audience listens ! Yet, when his lines have 
 brought down the house, he starves, unless he sells 
 his maiden Agave to Paris, who bestows commissions 
 upon many, and places on the poets fingers the 
 ring of gold that six months' service won. What 
 
Vll] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 43 
 
 nobles can't bestow a harlequin will give. Do you 
 still hang about Bareas and the Camerini, and 
 noblemen s great houses ? "Why 'tis Pelopea appoints 
 the prefects and Philomela the tribunes. Yet you 
 would envy not the bard who earns his bread by the 
 stage. Who will be your Maecenas now, your 
 Proculeius, or Fabius? Who will act Cottas part 
 again, or prove a second Lentulus? In their days 
 talent had its due reward. Then many found their 
 profit in sallow cheeks and abstinence from wine 
 right through December. 
 
 But, to proceed — Historians, is your toil more 
 productive ? Tis true it takes more time and 
 midnight oil. Each doubtless has his pages by 
 the hundred rising, illimitable, — growing at ruinous 
 cost for that papyrus pile. The vast amount of 
 matter and the conditions of the work require it. 
 But what the harvest, what the crop, from opening 
 up that field ? Who will give the historian a news- 
 reader s pittance ? 
 
 ^ A race of drones,' you cry, ' that love their sofa 
 and seclusion ! ' Then say what advocates earn for 
 public services — for dragging after them that bulky 
 bag of documents? They talk big enough them- 
 selves about their fees, and most of all when creditors 
 are by, or when spurred on by someone still more 
 eager, a litigant who comes with a colossal ledger 
 
44 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [vil 
 
 to prop a shaky claim. Oh ! the unmeasured 
 falsehoods those windbags then blow off, spitting 
 upon their breasts for luck ! But would you know 
 their real gains? In one scale set a hundred 
 advocates estates, in the other just that of Lacerna 
 the Red Jockey. ' The Seignory is met! You rise, 
 a second Ajax, but with pallid face, to plead before 
 Judge Bumpkin the cause of liberty imperilled. 
 Strain, wretch, your lungs until they burst, and all 
 for this — that, after all your toil, a fresh palm-branch 
 may be fastened up, to glorify your staircase ! And 
 what the price of your eloquence ? A rusty little 
 ham and pot of dwarf tunnies, or some old roots 
 (a nigger's rations) or wine brought down the Tiber — 
 of that full five big jars. If you have held four 
 briefs, and one gold piece has fallen to your lot, 
 part comes off even that by the attorneys' terms. 
 Aemilius will get all that the Law allows, and yet I 
 pleaded better ! And all because there stands with- 
 in his porch a brazen car with stately four-in-hand — 
 a figure of himself as well, seated on fiery charger, 
 poising threateningly his quivering lance, and prac- 
 tising his aim, one bronze eye closed. By aping 
 such Pedo is bankrupt and Matho fails. And so 
 Tongilius, too, is ruined, who goes to bathe with 
 huge rhinoceros-horn of oil, mobbing the bathers 
 with his draggled suite, and galling Thracian 
 
Vll] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 45 
 
 lacqueys with the long sedan-pole, when going 
 through the Forum, to buy his slaves, his plate, his 
 agate cups, and country houses ; for his purple stuffs, 
 sea-borne from Tyre, secure him credit. But all 
 this serves their purpose; the violet and purple 
 robes advertise your pleader. It suits their ends to 
 live with bustle and display beyond their means. 
 Trust to eloquence indeed ! None now-a-days would 
 give two hundred pence to Cicero, unless a big ring 
 glittered on his hand. This first the suitor looks to, 
 whether you've got eight slaves and ten hangers-on : 
 whether you have a sedan at your back, and citizen 
 friends to walk in front. And so Paulus would 
 plead with a hired sardonyx-ring; and so he had 
 higher fees for pleading than Cossus and than 
 Basilus. Eloquence in rags is rare. When can 
 Basilus bring into court a mother in tears? Who 
 would stand eloquence from him ? Make your home 
 in Gaul, or better still in Africa, the lawyer's foster- 
 mother, if you must set a price upon your tongue. 
 
 Do you teach rhetoric ? O Vettius ! what a 
 heart of iron mu5t be yours, when your crowded 
 class is murdering the savage tyrants ! For all that 
 has just been read from the teacher's chair the 
 standing scholar will word for word go through, yea, 
 word for word will drone it out in the old sing-song. 
 'Tis this that kills the poor teachers — this ever-lasting 
 
46 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [vil 
 
 cabbage. The pleas to urge, the class the case 
 belongs to, the gist of the argument, the points the 
 other side may raise — these matters all would know, 
 but pay the fee— not one ! ' What ! dunning for 
 your fee ! Why ! what have I learnt V " The blame 
 lies at the teacher's door forsooth, that not a throb of 
 genius pulses in that true son of Arcadia upon his 
 breast's left side, who on one day in every six dins his 
 Hannibal the terrible in my poor head ; whatever be 
 the point that he debates— whether to march from 
 Cannae on the city : whether, by thunder-clouds and 
 lightning warned, to lead away from the storm his 
 dripping cohorts. Bargain for what you will, and take 
 immediate payment. I give it on condition his father 
 hears him oft as I." Half a dozen other lecturers or 
 more cry out in chorus to like effect. The 'ravisher' 
 is dropped : they plead a real suit now. No more 
 about 'the poisoned draught,' nor of the 'vile ungrate- 
 ful husband,' nor of 'the drugs that cure the blind 
 however old.' So, if my counsel moves him, he will 
 retire from business, and enter on a different walk in 
 life, if he must leave the rhetorician's cloister-shades 
 for the strife of the courts, or else must lose his 
 wretched pittance, the price of a paltry bread-ticket ; 
 for such is his most munificent fee. Enquire what 
 fee Chrysogonus or PoUio gets for teaching rich men's 
 sons, and you'll tear up your Theodore's Rhetoric. 
 
VIl] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 47 
 
 They'll spend a fortune on their baths, still more 
 upon a colonnade, wherein my Lord may drive about 
 on rainy days — would you have him wait till it 
 clears, and get his team splashed with wet mud ? 
 On the other side a dining-hall must rise, upborne 
 by stately shafts of Afric marble, and catch the 
 winter sun. Whate'er the cost of the house, he'll 
 get a scientific table-layer too ; he'll get himself an 
 expert in made-dishes. Amid extravagance like 
 this, two thousand sesterces will be enough, indeed 
 enormous, for Quintilian. Nothing will cost the 
 father less than his own son. 'Then how does 
 Quintilian own all those pasture lands ? ' Leave out 
 of count the cases of strange destinies. Your lucky 
 man is both handsome and bold. Your lucky man 
 is wise, and noble, and well bred, and gets the 
 crescent sewn in front on his black senator's-gaiter. 
 Your lucky man is likewise best of orators and 
 athletes — an admirable singer, too — yes, even with a 
 cold. It makes a difference what stars greet you 
 when just essaying to utter your first baby-cry, with 
 the red hue of birth still upon you. If Fortune will, 
 from rhetorician you'll turn consul; again, if so she 
 will, from consul you'll turn rhetorician. For what 
 were Ventidius and Tullius? Just made by their 
 star and hidden destiny's miraculous might. Destiny 
 will give thrones to slaves, triumphs to captives. 
 
48 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [viI 
 
 Your lucky man, however, is rarer even than a white 
 raven. Many a one has grown sick of the empty 
 barren honours of the professor's chair, as the end of 
 Thrasymachus and Secundus Carrinas proves; and, 
 Athens ! in these days you saw one in want, nor 
 dared to give him aught but chilling hemlock. Ye 
 gods ! softly and lightly may earth rest upon the 
 ashes of the men of old; shed the sweet breath of 
 saffron and eternal springtide on their tombs, who 
 gave the teacher rank with venerated sire. Achilles, 
 then a well-sized youth, learnt singing on his native 
 hills in terror of the rod, nor would his music-master s 
 tail, in those days, win from him a smile. But Rufus 
 and others now are beaten each by his own pupils — 
 Eufus, whom they so often styled 'The Cicero of 
 Savoy.' 
 
 Who throws in Celadus' and learned Palaemon's 
 lap as much as their scholastic toils were worth ? 
 Yet, little as it is (indeed 'tis less than a rhetorician's 
 fee) the pupil's stupid governor gets first bite, and 
 the cashier will take his pickings. Submit to it, 
 Palaemon ; let something be abated of your due, like 
 one who hucksters winter blankets and white linen 
 quilts ; only let it not go for nought that you have 
 sat in school from midnight's hour, when not a carpen- 
 ter, nor one of those who teach wool-carding with the 
 crooked comb would sit at work. Only let it not go 
 
VIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 49 
 
 for nought that you have borne the smell of all 
 those lamps, a lamp for every boy in class, when 
 Flaccus was one mass of soot, and Maro black with 
 the adhering smuts. Yet, even so, few fees are paid 
 without a suit before the tribune. But mate your 
 merciless terms, ye parents; require the teacher's 
 syntax to be free from flaw ; insist upon his reading 
 every history, and knowing all the authors as well as 
 his own nails and fingers, so as to say off-hand, if on 
 his way to the gymnasium or to Phoebus' bath he 
 happen to be asked the question, "Who was Anchises' 
 nurse ? The name and country of Anchemolus' step- 
 mother ? How many years Acestes lived ? How 
 many casks of Sicel wine he gave the Phrygians? 
 Kequire that, as with artist's hand, he mould the 
 children's plastic natures, like one who fashions busts 
 of wax. Insist that he shall be a very father to the 
 whole tribe, and stop all playing at obscenity and 
 dirty practices. ''Tis no light matter to keep a 
 watch on every act and look of all those boys/ ' Be 
 this your task/ the father cries, ' but when the year 
 has rolled its course, then take your gold — just what 
 the mob demands for the winning jockey ! ' 
 
 J. 
 
 4 
 
50 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [vill 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Of what avail are pedigrees? What boots it, 
 Ponticus, to take rank by length of descent, and to 
 point to one's family portraits, an Aemilianus erect 
 in his chariot, with a mutilated Curius, and a 
 Corvinus minus his shoulders, and a noseless, earless 
 Galba ? What do you gain by showing off in a roll 
 that takes in all your family the smoke-begrimed 
 Masters of the Horse, Dictator and all, if you live a 
 life of shame in the very face of the Lepidi ? To 
 what purpose all these statues of warriors, if you 
 gamble the whole night through in presence of a 
 Numantinus: if you begin your sleep at the rising 
 of Lucifer, when those generals used to shift their 
 standards and their camp ? Why should a Fabius 
 bom in Hercules' very home plume himself so much 
 on an AUobrogicus and the Great Altar, if he is 
 greedy, and vain, and ever so much feebler than a 
 Euganean lamb ? If he rub his soft loins with the 
 pumice of Catina, and thus bring shame on his 
 bearded grandsires, and, buying poison, put his un- 
 happy clan to the disgrace of breaking his bust ? 
 No, though time-honoured waxen likenesses adorn 
 the length and breadth of your hall, still virtue is 
 the sole and only nobility. Be a Paulus, a Cossus, or 
 a Drusus in character. Rank this above the statues 
 
VIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 51 
 
 of your ancestry : let this take its place in line before 
 the very consular rods, if consul you are. The first 
 thing you are bound to show me is a good heart. 
 You have a title won by word and deed to be 
 deemed blameless, and true to the right, good — I 
 recognise the noble : I salute you, Gaetulicus be you, 
 or Si] anus, or from whatever other blood you come, 
 rare windfall of a fine citizen to your exultant 
 country! One. would fain cry out what the people 
 exclaim when Osiris is found. For who would call 
 'noble' one who shamed his race, and challenged 
 notice by the lustre of his name alone ? Someone's 
 dwarf we call Atlas, an Ethiopian Swan, a deformed 
 girl-dwarf Europa ; lazy curs, hairless with old stand- 
 ing mange, that lick the rim of the oilless lamp, will 
 get the name of 'pard,' 'tiger,' 'lion,' or any other 
 beast on earth of still fiercer temper. And so you 
 must be cautious, and take care lest in this sense you 
 be a Creticus or Camerinus. 
 
 Whom have I thus admonished ? I speak to 
 you, Rubellius Blandus. You are as inflated with 
 your lofty Drusine pedigree, as if you had done 
 aught yourself to win your noble birth, so that you 
 should be conceived by a dame illustrious for her 
 Julian blood, and not by one who weaves for wages 
 under shelter of the wind-swept Embankment. 'You 
 are low born,' you say, ' the dregs of our canaille, of 
 
 4—2 
 
52 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [vill 
 
 whom there's not a man can point to his parent's 
 birth-place. But I'm a son of Cecrops!' Long Hfe 
 to you, and long may you enjoy the happiness of such 
 descent! But, spite of your scorn, you'll find an 
 eloquent Roman even in the lowest ranks. Here is 
 one who often takes up the cause of the unlettered 
 aristocrat : from our gowned mob a man will come 
 forward to solve the knotty points of legal science 
 and the riddles of the statutes. Another in his 
 prime hies him to the Euphrates and the eagles that 
 watch the subdued Batavians, an unflagging cam- 
 paigner : but you ! you're a son of. Cecrops, and 
 that's all — as like as can be to a Hermes-bust ! In 
 fact you come off best in no other point than this — 
 he has a head of marble : you are a living statue. 
 Tell me, you heir of the Teucrians, who would 
 account dumb animals well-bred, had they no mettle ? 
 Why, we praise a racer's fleetness only if for his e;asy 
 triumph full many a trophy shines, and victory 
 shouts in ecstasy till the circus is hoarse. He is a 
 * noble' steed, whatever pasture he comes from, 
 whose strides fairly distance the rest, and raise the 
 dust upon the course ahead of all ; but the breed of 
 Coryphaeus and Hirpinus are 'cattle for sale,' if 
 Victory have rarely mounted on their yoke. There 
 there is no regard for forefathers: no favour shown 
 to shades of ancestors. The horses at a word change 
 
VIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 53 
 
 masters for a trifle, and draw carts till their necks 
 are galled, if slow-footed and but fit to turn Nepos 
 mill. Therefore, so that we may admire yourself and 
 not your belongings, tell me something of your own 
 that I may carve among your titles, beyond the 
 honours which we have rendered and render still to 
 those who gave you all you have. 
 
 So much for the young man, whom Rumour 
 describes to us as proud, puffed up, and full of his 
 Neronian kinship ; for modesty is for the most part 
 rare in that state of life. But I should hate to see 
 you valued for your kin s renown, Ponticus, if so be 
 you do nought yourself to gain renown hereafter. 
 'Tis a poor thing to rest on the fame of others : the 
 roof might collapse and fall in, if the columns were 
 to slip. The vine-shoot cast to earth pines for an 
 unwedded elm. Be a good soldier, a good guardian, 
 yes, and an uncorrupted judge. If ever you be 
 summoned as witness in a doubtful and uncertain 
 case, even though a Phalaris were to command you 
 to be false, and, bringing up his bull, dictate the 
 perjury, think it the height of wickedness to love life 
 more than honour, and for life's sake to sacrifice life's 
 ends. Who merits death is dead — though he dines 
 upon a hundred oysters of Gaurus and bathes in a 
 whole caldron of Cosmus scents. When the long- 
 looked-for province at last receives you as its gover- 
 
54 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [VIII 
 
 nor, bridle and check your temper and your greed. 
 Pity our impoverished allies. You see the bones ot 
 the native princes sucked dry, their very marrows 
 drained. Consider what the laws enjoin: the pre- 
 cepts of the senate house : what great rewards await 
 the righteous : how just a bolt smote down beneath 
 the senate's sentence Capito and Numitor who plun- 
 dered the (pirate) Cilicians. But what does a verdict 
 give the province ? Look out, Chaerippus, for an 
 auctioneer for your rags, now that Pansa robs you of 
 all Natta s leavings : and at last learn silence. 'Tis 
 madness to throw your passage-money after all the 
 rest. There were no groans like this before, nor was 
 the stroke of injury so deeply felt, when our allies 
 were prosperous still — but lately conquered. Then 
 every house was well supplied, and high rose the pile 
 of money, of Spartan cloaks, of purples from Cos : 
 and beside Parrhasius' pictures and Myron's statues 
 stood Phidias breathing ivory, together with much 
 handiwork of Polyclitus everywhere, and few were 
 the tables then without a Mentor. Here the Dola- 
 bellas, there Antony, here the godless Verres began 
 to carry back in their deep-laden galleys their 
 smuggled spoils and trophies won from peace — more 
 than were got from war. Now our allies must have 
 their few yoke of oxen, their little herd of mares, and 
 the very sire of their stud robbed from their tiny plot 
 
VIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 55 
 
 of ground which has been seized, and then their very 
 nearth-gods, if they've a statue worth looking at. 
 Perchance you may, and rightly, too, think scorn of 
 the unwarlike Rhodians and Corinth with its un- 
 guents: what could those beresined youths and all 
 the tribe of hairless limbs do to you ? Beware of 
 shaggy Spain, of the clime of Gaul, and the lUyrian 
 Coast; and keep your hands off those reapers who 
 fill the Town s belly, and leave it leisure for the 
 circus and the play. Besides, what so great prize 
 will you bear away as a set-off to that atrocious crime, 
 when Marius has so lately stripped the poor Africans 
 of their very girdles ? Above all, beware lest any 
 glaring wrong be done to men both brave and 
 destitute. You may take away all the gold and 
 silver anywhere to be found, you will still leave them 
 sword and buckler. What I have just laid down is 
 no mere commonplace; 'tis truth: think that I'm 
 reading you one of the Sibyl's leaves. If your staff 
 of officers be blameless — if there be no young ' Long- 
 hair' selling your rulings — no scandal against your 
 wife — if she be not a Harpy, ready to go the round of 
 the assizes, aye, of every town, to swoop with crooked 
 talons on the cash, then you may trace your line 
 from Picus, and, if high sounding names be your 
 fancy, range all the Titan warriors among your 
 ancestors — Prometheus himself among them — adopt 
 
56 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [vill 
 
 for yourself a great grandfather from any book you 
 like. If, however, ambition and lust sweep you 
 along in their current, if you break wand after wand 
 on the bleeding backs of the allies, if axes blunted 
 and lictors fagged delight your heart, then the very 
 rank of your parents begins to rise in judgment 
 against you, and to hold a bright torch before your 
 deeds of shame. Every sin of the heart involves 
 more glaring guilt the higher is the standing of the 
 sinner. What is it to me that your grandsire raised 
 the temples where you so often seal forged wills, and 
 that your sire's triumphal statue fronts you there ? 
 What indeed, if bound for an adulterous couch you 
 shroud your head under a Santonic hood ? 
 
 Past the ashes and bones of his ancestors fat 
 Lateranus whirls in his rapid car, and with his own 
 hands, his own consular hands, checks the wheel 
 with the heavy drag; by night, no doubt; still the 
 moon looks on: still the stars are straining their 
 conscious eyes. When his term of office expires, 
 Lateranus will take whip in hand in the glare of 
 daylight, and no place so public that he will shrink 
 from meeting his friend, spite of his grey hairs, aye, 
 and with his whip will give the first salute, and will 
 untie the hay-trusses, and pour the barley out to his 
 tired team. And all the time, while he sacrifices, 
 like Numa, his woolly victims and a red steer before 
 
VIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 57 
 
 Jove's altars, he swears only by the Goddess of 
 Jockeys and the faces daubed on the reeking stalk. 
 But, when it takes his fancy to frequent the pot- 
 houses open all night, the Syrophoenician, reeking 
 with his eternal perfumes, comes to meet him. 
 With all the air of a Boniface he hails him as 'my 
 Lord' and 'your Majesty;' and here comes bustling 
 Cyane, too, with her bottle for sale. One may 
 excuse his fault and urge 'Oh we did all this too, 
 when young!' Granted! That is, you have given it 
 up, and have not cherished your error beyond due 
 bounds. Be it short, your essay in crime. There 
 are faults which should be cut off with one's first 
 symptoms of beard. Indulgence is but for boys. 
 Lateranus, who comes to these tap-room potations 
 and painted awnings, is of the age for campaigning, 
 for guarding the rivers of Armenia and Syria, the 
 Rhine and Danube. Such vigour could guarantee 
 Nero's safety. Despatch, Caesar, your general to 
 Ostia; but seek that general first in some big pot- 
 housel You will find him lounging at table in 
 company with some assassin: one of a medley of 
 thieves, sailors, and runaways : among hangmen, and 
 coffin-makers, and the hushed timbrels of a de- 
 bauched priest of Cybele. There reign Liberty 
 and Equality: the cups are common property: not 
 one has a couch apart from others: none has a 
 
58 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [viil 
 
 separate table. What would you do, Ponticus, were 
 it your lot to get a slave of the kind ? I'm sure you 
 would send him to Lucania or the Tuscan houses of 
 correction. But you, Trojan-born, make allowance 
 for yourselves, and what would disgrace a bourgeois 
 will grace Brutus or a Volesus. 
 
 What if we never quote cases so foul and shame- 
 ful that worse do not remain behind ? Damasippus, 
 your fortune spent, you let your voice out to the stage, 
 to act the uproarious 'Ghost' of Catullus; nay, the 
 nimble Lentulus acted (and well, too) the Laureolus, 
 and in my opinion merited a real cross for his pains. 
 Still you can't excuse the spectators either. Those 
 spectators are too thick-skinned who sit and gaze at the 
 double-dyed buffoonery of our patricians and listen to 
 a barefooted Fabius, smiling at the Mamerci and their 
 stage-buffets. What matter at what price they sell 
 their lives ? (They sell them at no Nero's bidding^ 
 and hesitate not to sell them at the sports of the 
 exalted praetor.) Yet suppose the sword set here 
 and there the stage — which were the better? Has 
 any one ever yet been frightened by fear of death 
 into becoming Thymele's jealous lord or the mate of 
 the clown Corinthus ? But why marvel at a buffoon 
 noble under a fiddling emperor ? What lower depth 
 than this save the gladiators' school ? And you have 
 there now the real scandal of Town — a Gracchus 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 59 
 
 fighting in no helmed warrior's guise, armed with no 
 shield nor upturned falchion I No! he scouts any 
 such disguises. See how he swings his trident, and, 
 when he has made a false throw of the netting from 
 the sweep of his right arm, raising his face unbared 
 to the onlookers, flies adown the lists for all to see 
 and know ! We can't mistake his tunic : since his 
 gold-embroidered lasso reaches down from his neck, 
 and dangles from his wide shoulder-guard. And so 
 the Pursuer has had to brook a disgrace worse than 
 any wound ; for he was — set to fight with Gracchus ! 
 
 If the right of free voting were only given to the 
 people, who so abandoned as to hesitate to prefer 
 Seneca to Nero — Nero, to punish whom more than a 
 single ape should have been got ready, more than a 
 single snake, and single sack ? * The crime of 
 Agamemnon's son was similar.* Aye, but the 
 motives make the cases unlike. You see, Orestes 
 at the prompting of the gods avenged his father 
 stricken down amid the wassail ; but he never defiled 
 himself with Electra's murder nor with the blood of 
 his Spartan spouse : he mixed no poison for his 
 relatives : never sang on the stage — wrote no ' Epic 
 of Troy !' For what of all the deeds of Nero during 
 his cruel and grim tyranny more called for the 
 avenging sword of Verginius or Galba and Vindex 
 than did this ? These are the feats, these the accom- 
 
60 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 [viir 
 
 plishments of our high-born prince, who loves to 
 prostitute himself by disgraceful recitations on a 
 foreign stage, and to earn the parsley of the Grecian 
 crown. Let your family statues receive the trophies 
 of your voice. Before the feet of Domitius set 
 Thyestes' or Antigone's long train, or the mask of 
 Menalippe ; and from his giant marble effigy hang 
 up your harp. What can one find more exalted, 
 Catiline and Cethegus, than your pedigrees ? Yet 
 yoii plot a night attack and firing of house and 
 shrine, as if you were sons of the Braccati or descend- 
 ants of the Senones ; attemj)ting deeds which might 
 well be punished with the ' shirt of pain.' Ah, but 
 the consul is awake and keeps your hosts in check. 
 This 'upstart' from Arpinum — no noble — but yes- 
 terday a provincial knight at Rome — is stationing 
 a well accoutred force to guard the bewildered 
 citizens ; his care extends to all the hills. And so, 
 within the city walls, the garb of peace brought him 
 as great a name and title as at Leucas, (with so sore 
 an effort) and as on Thessalia's plain Octavius won, 
 his sword from that long carnage reeking. But 
 Rome, Rome was free, when she dubbed Cicero her 
 'Parent' and 'Father of Fatherland.' There was 
 another of Arpinum' s sons who in the Volscian 
 highlands would sue for a wage, aweary with 
 another's plough, and later on would get the knotty 
 
VIIl] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 61 
 
 vine-stick broken on his head, if he were lazy, and 
 did his entrenching with sluggish axe. Yet this is 
 he who braves the Cimbri and the crisis of the 
 State's peril, and single-handed shields the city in 
 its scare. So, when the ravens, which never yet 
 had lit on huger corpses, winged their way to 
 the Cimbrian carnage, his high-born colleague is 
 honoured with but the second bay. Plebeian were 
 the Decians' souls : plebeian were their names ; and 
 yet these satify the gods below and Mother Earth as 
 ransom for all our legions, and all our allies, and all 
 the chivalry of Latium ; for more precious were the 
 Decii than all they saved. He was a waiting- 
 woman's child who won the royal robe and diadem 
 of Quirinus, and was the last of our good kings. It 
 was the consul's own sons who were for unbarring 
 the gates to the tyrant-exiles ; men of whom might 
 be expected some mighty feat for liberty in peril, 
 such as to win praise from Codes, Mucins, and the 
 maid who swam the Tiber, then the limit of empire. 
 That slave well earned the matrons' tears who dis- 
 closed the privy crime to the Fathers, while they 
 (the consul's sons) are visited with the just penalty 
 of the lash and the first legal axe. 
 
 I had rather your father were Thersites, so that 
 you were like a son of Aeacus, fit to don Vulcan's 
 armour, than that an Achilles should beget you to be 
 
62 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [x 
 
 the picture of a Thersites. And, after all, however 
 far you hark back, however far you trace back your 
 name, you derive your clan from that notorious 
 sanctuary. Whoever was your family's founder, he 
 was but a shepherd, or — something I don't like to 
 say ! 
 
 X. 
 
 In all the world — from Gades to the land of the 
 Morning and its Ganges — few are they w^ho can 
 discern between true blessings and their very op- 
 posite, dispelling error's mists. For what do we 
 fear or desire by reason's rule ? What do you under- 
 take with ever 'so fair a start but you repent your 
 effort and the attainment of your desire ? The gods, 
 good easy beings, have overthrown whole households 
 at their owners' wish. In peace, in war, we crave 
 our bane ; a full flood of speech and natural elo- 
 quence are fraught with death to many: trust in 
 his strength and model arms was another's ruin. 
 But more are choked by cash scraped together with 
 measureless care and by an income which over- 
 shadows all other fortunes as the British whale 
 transcends the dolphins. And so in that raign of 
 terror, at Nero's command, a whole cohort laid siege 
 to Longinus and the spacious pleasure-grounds of 
 
x] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 63 
 
 Seneca the millionaire, and beleaguered the sump- 
 tuous mansion of a Lateranus : 'tis seldom a soldier 
 visits a poor man's garret ! Though you carry but a 
 few small articles of plain silver plate, yet, if you 
 start on a night journey, you'll have the sword and 
 pike to fear, and you'll fall a-quaking at the shadows 
 of the reeds quivering in the moonlight : your empty- 
 handed traveller will sing in your footpad's face. 
 In general the first prayer and the most familiar to 
 every temple is for riches : that our wealth may 
 grow, and our money-chest be the largest in the 
 whole Forum. But aconite is never drunk from 
 delf ; fear it when you take a jewelled cup in hand, 
 and your Setine shows its fire in a broad goblet of 
 gold. Well then, do you not now praise one of the 
 wise men for laughing, and the rival Doctor for 
 weeping, as often as they moved one foot forward 
 from their threshold ? But the scoff of a jeering 
 laugh is easy enough for any one: the marvel is how 
 the supply of brine for the eyes held out. Demo- 
 critus used to convulse his lungs with endless 
 laughter, though in the cities of his land there was 
 no State-robe, nor regal gown, no lictors, no palan- 
 quins, no Praetor's court. What, had he seen our 
 Praetor standing out from his stately car, towering 
 amid the circus dust in Jove's tunic, trailing from 
 his shoulders the purple hangings of a spangled toga. 
 
64 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 and with his big crown — its hoop so heavy that a 
 single neck cannot brook the weight ? Why, the 
 public slave who holds it is a-sweat ; for, to bate the 
 consul's pride, a slave rides in the same car. Add, 
 too, the bird rising from the sceptre of ivory : here 
 the hornblowers : there, in front of him, his retainers 
 in long array, and, at the bridle of their patron, 
 Rome's proud citizens in snow-white garb, their 
 friendship won by the dole stored in their cashbox. 
 Even in those days he found matter for laughter in 
 every being he met. Such wisdom as his shows 
 that men of real greatness, men sure to point a 
 moral, may be born in the land of mutton-pates and 
 under a foggy sky. He would smile at the interests 
 of the crowd and at their joys, sometimes at their 
 tears as well, while he himself would let Fortune and 
 her frowns go hang, and show her the finger of scorn. 
 
 Well then, even as we pray for what is needless 
 or harmful, to gain v/hat end can we rightly hang 
 our wax tablets on the gods knees ? 
 
 Some fall headlong through their own power 
 exposed to bitter envy : their long and brilliant roll 4 
 of honours wrecks them ; down come their statues 
 and follow the lead of the rope ; then the axe driven 
 home shatters the very wheels of their triumphal 
 cars, and the unoffending nags have their legs 
 broken. Hark ! the fires are hissing ! and now, by 
 
x] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 65 
 
 dint of bellows and forge, that head, the people's 
 idol, is a-glow : and great Sejanus is crackling ! And 
 now from the face second to one only in the whole 
 world are made pipkins, basins, a pan — yea, meaner 
 vessels ! Ho ! wreathe your homes with bays : ho ! 
 lead to the Capitol a giant pipeclayed ox : Sejanus is 
 being dragged by a hook, a sight for all ! 'Tis 
 general ecstasy. ' What lips he had ! What a look ! 
 Never, believe me, could I stand the man. But 
 under what charge was he cast? Who was the 
 informer ? By what approver, by what witness did 
 he make good his case?' 'Nothing of all this: a 
 wordy, lengthy dispatch came from Capreae.' ''Tis 
 good, I ask no more.' But what does Remus' rabble? 
 It courts Fortune, as ever, and is bitter against the 
 condemned. This same people, had Nortia smiled on 
 her Tuscan — if the old emperor had been crushed 
 when off his guard — at this very hour would hail 
 Sejanus ' Augustus.' Long ago, since we ceased to 
 have votes for sale, this people shuffled off its public 
 cares; for, though it once conferred commands, 
 fasces, legions, — everything, now it restrains its 
 ambition, and worries itself after two boons alone, its 
 bread and its games. ' I hear many will die.' ' No 
 doubt of it ; there's a great furnace heated ; my 
 friend Brutidius met me at the altar of Mars, and he 
 was rather pale. How anxious 1 am lest Ajax 
 J. 5 
 
66 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [x 
 
 demand satisfaction for his defeat — for the weak 
 defence ! Ho ! let*s run at full speed, and, even while 
 he yet lies on the bank, plant our heels in Caesar s 
 enemy I But let our slaves see, lest any deny it, and 
 collar his master, and drag him panic-stricken to the 
 bar.' This then was the talk about Sejanus ; these 
 the smothered whispers of the crowd. Do you wish 
 to be courted as Sejanus was : to own as much : to 
 give the highest curule offices to one : to set another 
 over the Forces: to be deemed guardian of the 
 Emperor squatted on his prison rock of Capreae with 
 his mob of astrologers ? You'd like at least to have 
 pikes and cohorts, an escort of highborn cavalry, and 
 a bodyguard in your house. Why should you not ? 
 Even those who don't wish to take a man's life desire 
 the power to do so. Yet what glory or success is 
 worth having, if the counterpoise of adversity is to 
 equal the prosperity? Say, would you rather don 
 the State- robe of this wretch now hauled along, or be 
 the Podesta of Fidenae or Gabii, or pass sentence on 
 false weights and break up short measures, an Aedile 
 out at elbows in that desert Ulubrae? Well then, 
 you admit that Sejanus knew not what men should 
 covet; for, while coveting excessive honors and 
 hankering after excessive wealth, he was but adding 
 story to story of a lofty tower, whence his fall might 
 be from a greater height, and his descent in ruin 
 
x] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 67 
 
 once begun the more terrific. What tumbled over a 
 Crassus, and a Pompey, and the leader who broke 
 the proud Eomans spirit and brought them 'neath 
 his lash? Why, 'twas this seeking by every means 
 alike the highest place, and the prayers for greatness 
 heard too well by the malicious gods. Few are the 
 kings that go down to Ceres son-in-law without a 
 murderous wound, few tyrants by a bloodless death ! 
 
 The boy still courting Minerva thriftily with 
 a single copper, and followed by a slave — urchin 
 to mind the little book-box, begins to covet the 
 eloquence and fame of Demosthenes or Cicero, and 
 covets it the whole March-holiday through. But 
 eloquence was the bane of both orators : a bountiful 
 and exuberant spring of genius sent both to their 
 death. Genius had hand and neck hacked through, 
 and the Kostra never ran with the life-blood of a 
 feeble pleader. 
 
 *0 happy Eome and fortunate, 
 Late born under my consulate ! ' 
 
 He might have scorned Antony's swords, had all his 
 utterances been like this. Let me rather write this 
 grotesque doggrel than thee, O heaven-inspired 
 Philippic of surpassing fame — rolled next the first. 
 Cruel, too, was the end that hurried off that orator, 
 the wonder of Athens, the torrent of eloquence, who 
 curbed as with a bridle the crowded theatre. He 
 
68 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 was born under frowning gods and adverse fates, 
 whom his father, half blinded by the soot of the 
 red-hot iron, sent away from coals, and tongs, and 
 sword-fashioning anvil, and grimy fire-god to the 
 elocution-master. 
 
 Spoils of wars — a breast-plate nailed to some 
 maimed trophies, a cheek-piece hanging from a 
 broken helmet, a yoke docked of its pole, the 
 flagstaff from some prize galleon, a dejected captive 
 on the top of some triumphal arch, — these are deemed 
 to transcend all human good : to this each generalis- 
 simo, Roman, Greek, or barbarian, has aspired. 
 These have supplied the motive of their enterprise 
 and toil. So much more potent is the thirst for 
 fame than for virtue ! Why, who embraces virtue 
 for herself, bating her rewards? And yet their 
 fatherland was long since ruined by the glory of 
 a few and by their lust for praise and for an epitaph 
 to linger on the slabs that guard their ashes, slabs 
 which it needs but the destructive vigour of the 
 barren fig-tree to shatter — since even tombs have 
 their appointed end. Just weigh Hannibal. How 
 many pounds will you find in that greatest of 
 captains ? This is he for whom Africa is too small — 
 Africa lashed by the Moorish main, and stretching to 
 the tepid Nile, and on another side to the Ethiopian 
 tribes and their towering elephants ! To his empire 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 69 
 
 is added Spain : he skips over the Pyrenees ; Nature 
 barred his path by Alps and snow : he rives the 
 rocks and bursts the mountain with vinegar. 
 Now he holds Italy, and yet he still strains forward. 
 ' Nothing/ cries he, ' is done, unless with our Punic 
 soldiery we burst the city gates, and I plant my 
 standard in the heart of Subura.' Oh, what a face ! 
 oh, what a subject for a caricature — the monster of 
 Gaetulia backed by the one-eyed general ! What, 
 then, is his end ? Fie, Glory ! The conqueror of 
 course is conquered, and hastes to exile : and there 
 he sits, an august dependant — a gazing-stock at 
 a king's gates — until it please his Bithynian majesty 
 to wake. 'Tis not the sword nor stones nor javelins 
 that shall extinguish that soul which once embroiled 
 the world, but a ring, avenging Cannae, exacting 
 retribution for all that blood. Off with you, mad- 
 man ! Scour the bleak Alps — all to catch the fancy 
 of boys, and to become a theme for recitation ! A 
 single world is not enough for the boy- warrior of 
 Pella : he frets, poor soul ! at tlie scanty limits of an 
 universe, as if confined within Gyarus rocks or tiny 
 Seriphus. But, when once he has entered the city 
 built by potters, a coffin will be all he'll need. Death 
 alone tells the secret how small are mens anatomies! 
 The world has long believed in Athos being sailed 
 over, with all the other lying tales that Grecian 
 
 / 
 
70 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [x 
 
 History ventures on : we believe that the sea was 
 paved by the same navy, making a solid road for 
 wheels, and that deep rivers failed, and streams were 
 drunk dry when the Mede breakfasted, and all the 
 rest that Sostratus booms out, his shoulders reeking 
 with his efforts. Still in what plight came he home 
 after flying from Salamis, he who, like a true bar- 
 barian, so often stormed, lash in hand, at West and 
 East, though they had never brooked this in Aeolus' 
 jail: he who had bound with chains the very god 
 who shakes the earth ? (Too kind, on my word, not 
 to think he deserved the branding-iron as well! 
 Any deity might be thankful to serve such a lord !) 
 But in what case did he return ? Why, with a single 
 galley, through blood-stained waves, his prow clogged 
 by masses of dead. Such was the penalty exacted 
 by that oft-coveted glory ! 
 
 ^ 'Grant me a long span of life, grant me many 
 years, 0 Jupiter!' This you crave with the look of 
 health, and this and nought else when pale with 
 sickness. But see with what endless and what 
 grievous troubles teems protracted age ! Mark, first 
 of all, that hideous and repulsive face, a caricature of 
 itself: for skin an ugly hide: flabby cheeks, and 
 wrinkles — the picture of those which, where Thabraca 
 spreads its shady woodlands, the mother monkey 
 scratches on her aged jowl. Youths have many 
 
THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 71 
 
 points of contrast : one is handsomer than another, 
 and he than a third : another is much stronger than 
 his neighbour ; old men all look the same : limbs 
 and voice alike palsied : a scalp now hairless : a nose 
 drivelling like an infant's : toothless jaws, with 
 which, poor wretch ! to mumble his bread. Loath- 
 some to such a degree to wife, and child, and self, as 
 to turn the stomach even of Cossus the legacy- 
 hunter! His relish for wine and food is no more 
 the same, now his palate is dulled. . . . Look 
 now at the loss of another organ. What pleasure 
 finds he in the music of a harper, although first-rate, 
 nay, though he be Seleucus, or one of those who 
 commonly make such a fine show with their gold- 
 trimmed cloaks? What matters it to him in what 
 part of the spacious theatre he sits, who will scarcely 
 hear the trumpeters and the blare of the horns ? It 
 needs a bawl for his ear to catch the sound, should 
 his page announce a visitor or the hour of day. Be- 
 sides, the little blood still left in his chilly frame needs 
 a fever to thaw it. Maladies in every guise hover 
 round him in battalions. Should you ask their names, 
 I could sooner tell you Oppia's lovers, or the patients 
 despatched in a single autumn by Dr Themison, the 
 partners that Basilus cheated, the wards that Hirrus 
 tricked. ... I could run over more quickly the 
 list of villas that the barber now holds, beneath 
 
72 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 whose clipping hand my strong beard rustled in my 
 younger days. One is crippled in the shoulder, one 
 in the loins, one in the hips : yonder has lost both his 
 eyes, and envies those with one : this man's bloodless 
 lips take their food with another's fingers : he himself, 
 so long wont to part his jaws at the sight of dinner, 
 can only gape like a young swallow, to which the 
 mother-bird, fasting herself, flies with laden beak. 
 But worse than any weakness of limbs is that dotage 
 which forgets slaves' names, and the face of the 
 friend with whom lie dined last night, and those 
 he has begotten and reared. For by a heartless will 
 he disinherits his own kin: all his property is 
 transferred to Phiale in return for foul services. 
 And, even though his faculties be sound, yet he 
 must escort his sons to their grave, must look on the 
 pyre of his beloved wife and of his brother and on 
 urns laden with his sister's ashes. This is the 
 penalty paid by longlivers, to pass to age amid fresh 
 crops of family bereavements, thick-coming woes — 
 time after time the wail of anguish and the suit 
 of black ! The king of Pylos, if you put any trust in 
 great Homer, was a case of long life beaten only by 
 the crov/. Happy man 1 one would say, who put off 
 his death so many ages, and already is telling the 
 tale of his years on his right hand, and has tasted 
 the new wine of so many vintages. I pray you. 
 
x] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 73 
 
 hearken a moment how heavily he complains of the 
 decrees of fate and of the excessive length of life's 
 thread, when he sees his brave Antilochus' beard 
 m the flame, and asks of each and every comrade 
 present why he lasts all this while, what deed of 
 shame he has committed to deserve so tedious a life. 
 The same comes from Peleus when he mourns 
 Achilles snatched away, and from that other whom 
 piety bids mourn his Ithacan on the deep. While 
 Troy was yet unscathed, Priam would have descended 
 to Assaracus' shade with gorgeous rites, with Hector 
 and the rest of the band of brothers supporting 
 on their shoulders the corpse, surrounded by the 
 dames of Ilium in tears, Avith Cassandra to lead the 
 dirge and Polyxena with her robe rent, if only 
 he had lost his life at another time, ere Paris 
 had begun to build his daring barks. So length of 
 days gained him — what ? He saw general ruin 
 and Asia perishing by sword and flame. Then he 
 donned his arms and doffed his tiara, a tottering 
 soldier, ' and down he falls before the altar of high 
 Jove, like an aged steer now discarded by the 
 thankless plough and presenting its lean poor neck 
 to its owner s knife. But his was at least a human 
 end : whereas his queen survived him only to glower 
 and growl, a snarling cur. I pass quickly to our 
 own, and skip the king of Pontus, and Croesus, whom 
 
74 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 the eloquent words of Solon the Just bade look to 
 the last round of his long life's course. That banish- 
 ment, that jail, Minturnae's swamps, and the bread 
 of beggary in conquered Carthage, all had their 
 origin in this. What happier object in the world 
 than that citizen could Nature or could Rome have 
 produced, if, after leading round the train of captives 
 amid all the circumstance of war, he had breathed 
 out his soul in glory even when alighting from his 
 Teutonic car ? Campania in her foresight had given 
 Pompeius fever-fits (a boon to j)ray for ;) but a host 
 of cities with their public prayers were too strong: 
 and so the fortune of the general and of our city took 
 from him after his defeat his head reprieved awhile. 
 Lentulus escaped that horror, and Cethegus, spared 
 such penalty, fell unmutilated, and Catilina lay with 
 corse unmangled. 
 
 The mother eagerly prays in accents low for 
 beauty for her boys, aloud for her girls, as she looks at 
 Venus' shrine — even to fastidiousness in her requests. 
 ' But why take me to task ? ' says she, ' Latona 
 joys in her Dian's beauty.' Yet Lucretia warns 
 against craving a fair face like her own : Verginia 
 w^ould be glad to take Rutila's hump, and present 
 her charms to Rutila. Besides, a son of rare beauty 
 always keeps his parents wretched and anxious; so 
 rarely are beauty and chastity united. . . . /Still, 
 
x] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 75 
 
 if he be chaste, what harm in his beauty V Nay, what 
 good did their stern resolve do to Hippolytus aiid 
 Bellerophon? Why, Stheneboea flushed red, as if 
 she had been scorned through this rebuff, and she, too, 
 like the Cretan dame, blazed up, and both of them 
 shook for very wrath. 'Tis then a woman is most 
 pitiless when shame spurs her hatred on. Decide 
 this: what, think you, should one advise the man 
 whom Caesar s wife intends to espouse ? He, the 
 pick and flower of a noble house, is hurried off to be 
 slain, poor man, by Messalina's eyes. She has sat 
 long a-waiting, her veil all ready; and the Tyrian 
 marriage-bed is there, set out in public in the 
 gardens ; the million of dowry will be given in the 
 time-honoured form, and augurs and witnesses will 
 come. You thought this a secret, Silius, and 
 entrusted but to few ! Nay, she will not give her 
 hand unless e7i regie. What do you prefer ? Say ! 
 Eefuse to assent, and you die before nightfall: 
 commit the crime, and you'll get a trifling respite, 
 till the news, the gossip of Town and the people, 
 shall reach the monarch's ears. He will be the last 
 to learn the dishonour of his house. Meantime, 
 obey Imperial orders, if a few days life is worth the 
 price. Whichever you deem the easier and better 
 lot, you still will have to present that fair white neck 
 to the sword. 
 
76 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [x 
 
 • Shall men, then, pray for nothing? If you'll 
 take my advice, you will allow the gods themselves 
 to determine what is best for us, and suits our 
 fortunes best; for the gods will give us — not the 
 most pleasant, but the most fitting in each case. 
 Dearer to them is man than to himself. We 
 through the impulse of our hearts, and lured on by 
 blind and inordinate desire, pray for a wife, and that 
 a fruitful one : but they know what the boys will be, 
 and the character of the wife. Still, that you may 
 not be without a petition, and that you may 
 have some reason for vowing a meat-offering to the 
 shrines — a white porker s holy sausages — pray for a 
 healthy mind in a healthy body : pray for a brave 
 spirit free from fear of death : a spirit that counts 
 life's last stage one of Nature's boons, and that can 
 endure any toil : innocent of anger, free from desire, 
 and holding the pains of Hercules and his cruel 
 labours above amours, and feasts, and Sardanapallus- 
 couches. I am prescribing what you can give 
 yourself ; 'tis certain that the only path to a life 
 of peace lies through virtue. Fortune, thou hast 
 no divinity, if wisdom be with us; 'tis we, 'tis 
 we, who deify thee, and place thy habitation in 
 heaven. 
 
Xl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 77 
 
 XI. 
 
 Atticus dining sumptuously is reckoned princely, 
 Rutilus crazy. Why, what is greeted with louder 
 laughter from the mob than a pauper epicure ? 
 Every social gathering, public bath, lounge, and 
 theatre are talking of Rutilus. For, while his sturdy 
 young frame is equal to the helmet, and is fired 
 with warm blood, the story goes that — not, indeed, 
 forced by the Tribune, but not prevented either — he 
 is about to subscribe to the statutes and royal man- 
 dates of the trainer. Further, there are many that 
 you see, whom the creditor, so often baffled, has 
 taken to looking for just at the market's entrance : 
 these have no end in life but merely their palate I 
 He has the finest and best dinner who is most ^in 
 distress' of them all, and who must soon come 
 down — the light already showing through the rent. 
 Meanwhile, they rifle every element for relishes. 
 Price is never a bar to their fancies. Watch more 
 closely, and you'll see that the greater is the cost the 
 greater is their enjoyment. And so they feel no 
 scruple in raising a sum to squander, though they 
 must pawn their dishes, or break up a mother's 
 bust: no scruple in making a glutton's delf dainty 
 with four hundred sesterces. 'Tis thus they come to 
 the messes of the training-schoolr And so it makes 
 
78 THE SATIBES OF JUVENAL. [xi 
 
 a difference who provides the said fine dainties. In 
 Rutihis 'tis dissipation : in Ventidius it gets a credit- 
 able name, and from his income draws a fair repute. 
 I may fairly despise one who knows how much 
 higher Atlas is than all the other mountains in 
 Libya, if he — that very same man — has yet to learn 
 the difference 'twixt a little purse and iron-bound 
 money-chest. From Heaven came down the TvcoOl 
 aeavTov: words to be implanted and cherished in 
 your heart's remembrance, whether you seek a wife, 
 or fain would be a member of the holy Senate — for 
 even Thersites does not ask for the breastplate of 
 Achilles, in which Ulysses made but a poor show^ 
 Or, if you aspire to defend a risky cause wdth mighty 
 issues, then, in that case, question yourself, inform 
 yourself who you are — a fiery orator, or like those 
 windbags Curtius and Matho. You must know the 
 measure of Self, and make it your study in matters 
 great and small : yes, even when you have but to buy 
 some fish — that so you may not hanker for a mullet, 
 with but a gudgeon's worth within your purse. Why, 
 what end awaits you, if your larder is shrinking, as 
 your appetite grows: if patrimony and goods are 
 engulfed in your maw, that absorbs both dividends 
 and silver plate, cattle and lands ? From siich 
 masters their ring, following the rest of their goods, 
 passes away, last of all, and Pollio goes a-begging 
 
XI] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 79 
 
 with finger bare. Excess has not to fear the untimely 
 urn nor the too-early grave; but old age has more 
 terrors for it than death. The steps are mostly these. 
 The borrowed money is frittered away at Kome 
 under the owners eyes ; and then, when some poor 
 trifle only is left, and the usurer looks anxious, they 
 give leg-bail, and scurry off to Baiae and its oysters. 
 For to levant from 'Change is now-a-days no worse 
 than to shift your quarters from bustling Subura to 
 Esquiliae. One pang, one grief afflicts the exiles — to 
 have lost for one whole year the circus-shows ! 
 There's not a drop of blood left lingering in their 
 cheeks. Few try to stop the flight from Town of 
 ridiculous Modesty. 
 
 To-day, Persicus, you shall see if I don't make 
 good these ideas — so very fine to talk about — in my 
 life, that is, in my principles and practice : if I cry up 
 beans, though a gourmand on the sly : if I call to my 
 servant in others hearing ' Porridge,' but whisper in 
 his ear ' Cakes.' For, my promised guest, as you are, 
 you'll have an Evander in me : you'll come as the 
 hero of Tiryns, or the guest inferior, indeed, to him, 
 yet himself linked with Heaven by his kinship — the 
 one ushered into the skies by water, the other by 
 fire. Hear now our bill of fare, which no market 
 furnished forth. There will come to my board from 
 the district of Tivoli the fattest of sucking-kids, the 
 
80 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [XI 
 
 tenderest of all the flock: 'tis innocent of grass, 
 and has not ventured yet to. crop the drooping 
 willow's shoots: it has in its body more milk than 
 blood. Next — mountain asparagus, culled by my 
 bailiff's goodwife, her spinning done. Besides these — 
 huge eggs, warm in their hay- wisps, with the fowl 
 that laid them, are here, and grapes preserved 
 through a good part of the year, fresh as when on 
 the vines: pears, too, of Signia and of Syria; and 
 from the self-same basket come apples, to match 
 those of Picenum. They smell quite fresh; you 
 need not dread them, now that they have got rid of 
 their autumn and of the dangers of unripe juice 
 through the drying cold. Such was once the dinner 
 of our Senators, when grov/ing now less simple. 
 Curius used with his own hands to set upon his 
 modest fire the plain vegetables he had gathered 
 in his tiny garden — a mess at which now-a-days a 
 dirty wretch who digs in heavy chains turns up his 
 nose, remembering the flavour of a sow's paunch in 
 the steaming cook-shop. It was in old times the 
 usual thing to keep for holidays the flitch of smoked 
 pork that hung from the rack with its few pegs, and 
 to set fat bacon before one's kith and kin at birthday 
 feasts, a fresh joint being added, if a sacrifice gave 
 the chance. To such a meal as this some kinsman 
 thrice dubbed 'consul,' who had held command of 
 
XI] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 81 
 
 the Forces and the rank of Dictator, would trudge, 
 returning earlier than usual, shouldering his hoe, the 
 hillside vanquished. Moreover, in the days when 
 men quailed at a Fabius and at iron Cato, at a 
 Scaurus and at a Fabricius, when, in short, even his 
 own colleague had to fear the censor s stern character, 
 no one considered it worth reckoning among life's 
 serious concerns what kind of turtle swam in ocean 
 Avave, to make for 'sons of Trojans' a fine, a noble 
 sofa-leg ; but the short couch, with sides quite plain, 
 displayed upon its front of brass a wreathed ass's 
 head rudely worked, and there those jolly scions of 
 rusticity would make them merry. In those days 
 the rough soldier, unable to appreciate Greek art, 
 when towns were razed would break up goblets, the 
 handiwork of the great masters, if found in his share 
 of loot; that his charger might dote upon his 
 trappings, and that his embossed helmet might show 
 his dying enemy the image of Komulus' wild beast 
 tamed at the bidding of our empire's destiny, the 
 twin Quirini under the rock, and the nude figure of 
 the god with shield and spear descending and bending 
 over them. And so they used to serve their porridge 
 up in Tuscan delf. What silver there was all 
 glittered on their armour. All then was such as you 
 might grudge them, if of an envious turn. Then, 
 too, the divine presence at shrines had mightier 
 J. G 
 
82 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [xi 
 
 potency. In those days was a voice once heard near 
 midnight's hour in the heart of the city, when the 
 Gauls were on their way from Ocean's shore, and the 
 gods were doing duty for the seers. 'Twas thus that 
 Jupiter warned us. Such was the care that he 
 bestowed upon the affairs of Latium, while yet in his 
 clay-stage and unprofaned by gold. Those days saw 
 tables of home make and of our native timber, the 
 wood being stacked for such purposes, if the east 
 wind had chanced to blow down an old walnut-tree. 
 But now-a-days the rich find no pleasure in dinner, 
 no flavour in turbot or venison, and think the 
 perfumes and the roses tainted, unless the expanse of 
 table rests on a mass of ivory, a wide-yawning 
 rampant leopard, formed of the tusks sent us by 
 Syene's gate, or by the nimble blackamoors, or by 
 the Indians blacker yet than blackamoors — tusks 
 which the monster has shed in some Nabataean 
 forest, when they have grown too large and a 
 nuisance to his head. Hence spring appetite and 
 tone to the digestion. For in these men's eyes a 
 silver pedestal is bad as an iron finger-ring. And so 
 I am upon my guard against a stuck-up guest, who 
 would contrast me and himself, and who scorns my 
 humble fortune. So wholly innocent am I of a 
 single ounce of ivory. I have not even dice nor 
 draught-men of that substance ; my very knife- 
 
XI] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 83 
 
 handles are but bone. And yet none of my viands 
 get the least tainted by these, nor does the fowl cut 
 up the worse on that account. But there will be no 
 professional either, to whom the whole carving- 
 college should give place : no pupil, I say, of Pro- 
 fessor Trypherus, in whose class the huge sow's 
 breast, the hare, the boar, the antelope, the fowl of 
 Scythia, the tall flamingo, and Gaetulia s wild goat — 
 a most recherche dinner, albeit of elmwood, — are 
 carved with blunted knives, making their clatter 
 heard all through Subura. My waiter has never 
 learnt to purloin a slice of chamois nor the wing of a 
 guinea-fowl — a mere tyro he, whose whole life has 
 been as yet in the novice-stage, proficient only in 
 filching tiny scraps. A boy, simply clad, but so as 
 to defy the cold, will hand you homely cups that a 
 few coppers bought. No Phrygian nor Lycian will 
 be there : no slave got from a dealer, and at a high 
 price, too. When you ask for wine, ask in Latin. 
 One and all have the same garb : their hair short-cut 
 and uncurled, and combed to-day only because of 
 ' company.' This is a hardy shepherd's son, a cow- 
 herd's that. This boy of ' gentle ' looks and ' gentle ' 
 modest bearing — ^just such as those should be who 
 wear the flaring purple — sighs for his mother whom 
 for so long a time he has not seen and for the little 
 cottage, and frets after his friends the kids. He'll 
 
 G— 2 
 
84 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [xi 
 
 hand you wine racked off among the hills whence he 
 himself comes, beneath whose crest he has played. 
 
 We make allowance for the rich, but 
 the dice-box disgraces and adultery disgraces the 
 men of moderate means. When rich men practise 
 vices of that sort they get the name of 'merry 
 blades ' and ' gay sparks.' Our feast to-day will offer 
 quite another kind of treat. The poet of the ' Tale 
 of Troy' shall be rehearsed, and the verses of deep- 
 toned Maro that dispute the palm with his rival's 
 song. What matters it with what voice such lines 
 are read ? 
 
 But now defer your anxieties: banish business: 
 treat yourself to a welcome rest ; for it shall be your 
 privilege to idle all day long. Not one word about 
 usury; don't gather spleen against your wife, even 
 though she has given you cause. Hey, presto ! 
 divest yourself of all your troubles before my door. 
 Leave there your housekeeping, and your slaves, and 
 all their breakages and waste. Above all, leave 
 there ungrateful friends. Meanwhile, the gazing 
 crowd pay worship to the Idaean rites of Mighty 
 Mother's ' dishclout.' As in a triumph, there sits the 
 Praetor, the victim of horseflesh ; and, if I may say 
 so by leave of the countless, overgrown populace, the 
 Circus holds all Rome to-day ; and now a din strikes 
 on my ear, from which I gather the success of the 
 
XIl] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 85 
 
 green *rag/ For, were it to fail, you'd see this 
 Kome sullen and dazed, as if her consuls had been 
 routed on a Cannae's dusty field. Let the young 
 men sit there, and gaze at it. It suits their years to 
 bawl, and make bold wagers, and sit beside a smart 
 young woman. Let my wrinkled skin bask in the 
 spring sunshine, and be relieved of the official gown. 
 Even now you may go to your bath, and need not 
 blush, though a whole hour be wanting yet to noon. 
 You could not do this five days running ; for ennui 
 is potent even in a life like this. Sparing indulgence 
 sweetens pleasures. 
 
 XII. 
 
 Sweeter to me, Corvinus, than my own birthday 
 is this morning's dawn, when the festal turf-altar is 
 waiting for the beasts vowed to the gods. We lead 
 to the sacrifice a snowy lamb for the Queen of 
 Heaven ; a fleece as white shall be bestowed on her 
 who is armed with the Mauritanian gorgon-shield. 
 But the victim reserved for Tarpeian Jove is jerking 
 impatiently the long slack rope and tossing his 
 head — a wild young steer, in sooth : ripe for temple 
 or altar and for his baptism of wine; already he 
 thinks it shame to drain the udders of his dam, and 
 
86 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xn 
 
 gores the oak-trees with his budding horn. Had I 
 large means to match my inclinations, a bull fatter 
 than HispuUa, and lazy from sheer bulk, should be 
 dragged to his death. No nursling of our home 
 pastures, but one whose blood gave bold advertise- 
 ment of Clitiimnus' rich grazing-grounds — whose 
 neck none but a giant slaughterer could strike — 
 should go to the altar, to fete the return of my 
 friend, yet quaking at his fell sufferings gone through 
 so lately, and marvelling to find himself in safety. 
 For not alone from ocean's perils was he saved, but 
 lightning strokes as well. Dense was the gloom that 
 veiled the firmament in an unbroken cloud, sudden 
 the flash which smote the yard-arms. Each thought 
 the blow had fallen on himself, and on the instant 
 awestruck felt no kind of wreck could be as bad as 
 sails on fire. Just in such fashion, just with such 
 horrors does everything proceed, when a storm gets 
 up in a poem. Here's another phase of the peril ! 
 Hear it, and feel fresh pity; albeit the rest of the 
 tale is but a portion of the same mishap, terrible, no 
 doubt, but experienced by not a few, as many a 
 shrine with its votive pictures testifies. Who does 
 not know that painters get their bread from Isis? 
 The hold being now half-filled with the waves, as the 
 waters rolled the ship's sides up and down, and 
 all the grizzled skipper's cunning failed to ease 
 
XIl] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 87 
 
 the crazy mast, he* settled to compromise the 
 matter with the winds by Hghtening her — copying 
 the beaver, that emasculates himself, with a view to 
 escape with the loss of his pouch : so well he under- 
 stands the virtues of his groin. 'Over with my 
 goods! With all of them!' Catullus would re- 
 iterate, eager to pitch away his choicest finery, his 
 purple raiment, fit even for dandies of the Maecenas- 
 type, and other fabrics dyed on the sheeps backs by 
 the properties of the rich pasture, — though, doubt- 
 less, the fine water of the Baetis with its hidden 
 potency, and the climate, too, lend their aid. Nor 
 did our friend hesitate to send over his silver plate — 
 salvers, Parthenius' handiwork : a three-gallon bowl, 
 worthy of Pholus when athirst, or Fuscus' wife : to 
 these add baskets, hundreds of dinner-plates, and a 
 store of embossed cups, from which the wily pur- 
 chaser of Olynthus had drunk. What other man ? — 
 In what part of the world is there one, who has the 
 hardihood to hold his life more precious than his 
 plate, his safety than his substance ? And now the 
 chief part of his ' necessaries ' is flung away; yet even 
 these sacrifices fail to lighten her. Then, under 
 stress of danger, to this he was reduced, to make the 
 mast go down before his axe, and so he frees him 
 from his straits. A desperate pass, indeed, when the 
 * i.e.t Catullus. 
 
88 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xii 
 
 relief we bring must maim the ship ! Go to, now ! 
 Commit your life to the winds, and rest your trust 
 upon a rough-hewn board, parted, as you are, from 
 death by but four finger-breadths — seven, if the 
 plank be extra thick ! And now look well to your 
 bread-bag and your corpulent flagon : aye, and your 
 hatchet, too — FOR use in storms ! But soon as the 
 sea sank and was smooth, and the voyager s lucky 
 hour and his destiny, stronger than wind or wave, 
 smiled on him — when the Fates with kindly hand 
 blithely ply a cheerier task, and spin their white 
 woollen yarn, and the wind, scarce stronger than a 
 moderate breeze, has come to aid — in sorry plight 
 the bow forged on with the poor makeshift of clothes 
 spread out and with its own sail, the only one 
 remaining. And now the south wind dies away: 
 back came at once the sun and hope of life : then is 
 descried that towering height lulus loved and pre- 
 ferred for a home to his stepmother s Lavinium, the 
 height that got its name from the white sow, with 
 womb that filled with wonder the delighted Phry- 
 gians — a sow that made herself a name by her thirty 
 teats, a sight unmatched ! At length he sails within 
 the piers built through the waters they enclose, and 
 the ' Pharos of Tuscany,' and those arms stretching 
 back landwards, which confront the sea, and leave 
 Italy far in their rear, (You must not then admire 
 
XIl] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 89 
 
 so much the havens of nature's giving.) But, as his 
 bark is crippled, the skipper makes for the calm 
 waters of the sheltered inner basin, which a pinnace 
 of Baiae could navigate ; and there the light-hearted 
 mariners with shaven crowns tell merrily the wordy 
 tale of their adventures. 
 
 Go, then, boys : with reverence in word and 
 thought garland the shrines, and sprinkle meal upon 
 the knives, and decorate your altars of soft emerald 
 turf. Anon 111 follow, and, the chief rite duly 
 performed, will hie me home, to where my tiny 
 images with their sleek coat of crumbling wax 
 receive the tribute of a slender wreath. Here will 
 I win the heart of our Household Jove, and to the 
 Lares of my sires will offer incense, and scatter 
 violets of every hue. All looks gay ; the house-door 
 has mounted its trailing boughs, and in its gala dress 
 joins in the rites with lamps lighted at dawn. 
 
 Nor need you look on this suspiciously, Corvinus. 
 Catullus, for whose return I rear so many altars, has 
 got three little heirs. I'd like to know who would 
 lay out on so unpromising a friend an invalided hen 
 just closing her eyes on life. Nay, too extravagant 
 an outlay, that ! Not even a quail will ever come to 
 its end for a father's behoof. If Gallitta, the million- 
 aire, or Paccius — childless, both of them — have got 
 a touch of fever, their vestibules forthwith are lined 
 
90 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xii 
 
 with tablets fastened up in orthodox style, and men 
 start up to vow a hecatomb: not, it is true, elephants, 
 but only because there are none for sale in Italy, nor 
 indeed is such a monster bred in Latium nor any- 
 where beneath our skies. No : brought from the 
 land of the blacks, they browse on the Rutulians' 
 trees and Turnus' dominions — the private stud of 
 Caesar they, and not prepared to serve a commoner ; 
 since their progenitors were wont to do the will of 
 Hannibal the Tyrian, and of our Generals, and the 
 Molossian King, and to bear whole cohorts on their 
 backs — no small contingent for the battle — and 
 towers that marched to war. So 'tis no fault of 
 Novius, no fault of Pacuvius Hister, that the ' ivory 
 monster' is not taken to the altars, to fall before 
 Gallitta's Lares — the only victim worthy such House- 
 hold Gods and those who court them. Nay, one of 
 that pair, if you permit the offering, will vow all the 
 choicest hands — all the tall ones — of his slave-gang, 
 or will put the sacrificial band upon his pages or 012 
 the brows of his handmaidens, and, should he have 
 in his house an Iphigeneia ripe for marriage, hell 
 give her to the altars, although not hoping for the 
 sly substitution of the Tragedian's hind. Bravo, my 
 fellow-countryman ! I hold a thousand ships a trifle 
 to a will. For, should the patient dodge the Funeral- 
 Queen^ he will unmake his will, a prisoner in the fish» 
 
XIIlJ 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 91 
 
 trap, after that service, that 'really marvellous service 
 and mayhap will tersely name as his sole heir Pacu- 
 vius, who then will strut along triumphantly, his rivals 
 all discomfited. And so you see how fine a compensa- 
 tion the slaughter of his Mj-^cenian maid secures him. 
 Long life to Pacuvius, I pray ; yea, a whole Nestor's 
 span ! And may he own as much as Nero stole, and 
 pile his gold up mountains high, have none to love, 
 and be by none beloved ! 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Each new case of crime brings pain to the doer. 
 With this his punishment begins — no criminal is 
 acquitted at the bar of his own conscience, though 
 the Praetor's urn be tampered with, and corrupt 
 influence gain a verdict. But what do you suppose, 
 Calvinus, the world thinks of the late crime and this 
 charge of a breach of trust ? Then, too, the property 
 that fell to you is not small enough for the weight of 
 a moderate loss to crush you, and yours is an every- 
 day trouble. Such a calamity is familiar to many: 
 'tis hackneyed now, and drawn at random from 
 fortune's heap. Let us give over immoderate grief. 
 A man s sorrow should not burn too high, should not 
 be disproportioned to the blow. Yet you can scarcely 
 bear the very tiniest scrap of trouble, however light : 
 
92 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xill 
 
 and your heart boils with passion because your friend 
 embezzles a deposit taken on oath. And this sur- 
 prises one who has already left behind him sixty 
 years of life, who was born in Fonteius consulship ! 
 Does so much knowledge of the world help one to 
 nothing better ? Noble, no doubt, the maxims that 
 Philosophy, mistress of Fortune, lays down in her 
 sacred writings. Still we think those fortunate, too, 
 whom Life has schooled to bear its vexations, nor 
 fret beneath the yoke. What day is so complete a 
 holiday that it can rest in the supplying of theft, 
 treachery, and fraud, the hunt for pelf by every 
 form of felony, the winning wealth by sword or 
 poison-box? The good indeed are few, hardly as 
 many as the gates of Thebes or mouths of teeming 
 Nilus. We live in the Ninth Century, an era worse 
 than the Age of Iron. To match its badness Nature 
 can find from her own stores no name, no metal base 
 enough to represent it. We make appeal to all that's 
 honest in Heaven and Earth as noisily as his clamor- 
 ous pensioners applaud Faesidius' pleading. But say, 
 old man, whom childhood's badge best suits, do you 
 not know the charms of your neighbour's money ? 
 Do you not know what merriment your simple wit 
 awakens in the public, when you require of anyone 
 to keep from perjury, and to believe in a Celestial 
 presence at shrines and blood-stained altar? Such 
 
XIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 93 
 
 were the principles of the old sons of the soil, ere 
 Saturn fled, and, laying by his crown, took to a 
 peasant's sickle, in days when Juno was a little wench, 
 and Jupiter still lived in a private station among the 
 caves of Ida. No merry-making then above the clouds 
 among the denizens of Heaven, no Trojan page, nor 
 Hercules' lovely wife for cup-bearer, nor Vulcan to 
 strain the nectar, and then wipe his arms begrimed in 
 his workshop at Lipara. Each god then dined alone. 
 Then there was no such mob of deities as now. The 
 stars, satisfied with a handful of divinities, pressed 
 lightlier on poor Atlas. No one as yet had won by 
 lot Hell's gloomy realm. There was no grim Pluto 
 with his Sicilian bride, no Ixion's wheel, no Furies, 
 no stone of Sisyphus, no fell vulture's vengeance ; 
 Hell was without a king, and the Ghosts had a jolly 
 time. Dishonesty was a thing to wonder at in those 
 days, days when they thought it heinous sin that 
 death alone could purge, if a young man had failed 
 to rise before his senior, or a boy before a bearded 
 youth, no matter whom, albeit the former had more 
 strawberries at home to look at and bigger heaps of 
 acorns. So great the dignity of four years' seniority : 
 so much alike in honour were youth's first down and 
 venerable age ! But, now-a-days, if friend deny not 
 a deposit, if he restore the old bag with all its rust, 
 oh ! what portentous honesty ! 'tis fit for a place in 
 
94 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xill 
 
 the Etruscan books, and should be charmed away 
 with wreath-crowned lamb. If I descry a man of 
 honesty and honour, I liken such anomaly to hybrid 
 boy, or fish discovered underneath the wondering 
 plough, or to a mule in foal. I feel as much dis- 
 quieted as though it had rained stones, as though 
 a swarm of bees had lit in trailing cluster on a 
 temple-roof, or a river had flowed to sea, rolling 
 along an abnormal flood of seething milk. 
 
 Do you complain that your ten thousand sesterces 
 have been embezzled by an impious fraud ? What, 
 if your neighbour has lost two hundred thousand in 
 the same way, but unattested : a third a sum still 
 larger, which a big coffer with every corner crammed 
 could barely hold ? So easy and obvious a thing it 
 is to ignore the witness of the gods, if no mortal 
 knows the fact. Mark his loud denial, his steady, 
 though feigned, look. He swears by the Sun s beams 
 and the Tarpeian bolts, by the pike of Mars and the 
 shafts of Cirra s Prophet-God, by the arrows and 
 quiver of the Huntress Maid, by thy trident, Neptune, 
 Father of the Aegean ; he throws in, too, the bow of 
 Hercules, Minerva's javelin, yea, all the weapons in 
 Heaven's armouries. But if he be a father, too, he 
 says, 'If not, may my son be boiled, and may I 
 have to eat his poor head, soused in Egyptian 
 vinegar ! ' ' 
 
XIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 95 
 
 Some there are who assign everything to the 
 caprice of Fortune, and believe that no ruler controls 
 the Universe, and that it is Nature that regulates 
 the revolutions of days and years, and so they have 
 no fear of touching any altar. This man believes 
 that there are gods, and, perjuring himself, thus 
 reasons in his heart : ' Let Isis pass sentence as she 
 please upon my body, and smite my eyes with the 
 rattle of her wrath, if only, when I lose my sight, 
 I clutch the gold, the loan of which I disavow. Con- 
 sumption, festering sores, and mutilated leg are a fair 
 price to pay for that. Even Ladas, if penniless, 
 should not hesitate (unless, indeed, he needs Anticyra s 
 drug or the services of Archigenes) to pray for the 
 rich man's gout. For what avail the fame of fleet- 
 ness and branches of Olympian olive — with star- 
 vation? Though the gods' wrath be heavy, yet 
 certainly it's slow. If then they are careful to 
 punish every culprit, when will they reach me ? 
 But haply, too, I shall find the Deity indulgent. He 
 often pardons faults like this. Many commit like 
 crimes with varying results. One man's rascality 
 the gibbet earns, another's wins the crown.' And 
 so he steels his heart that flutters with the horror of 
 a dreadful crime, and, if you challenge him to come 
 to a holy shrine, he leads the way: nay, more, he's 
 eager to convey you there, and press you to the test ; 
 
96 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, [xill 
 
 for, when a bad cause finds support in great effrontery, 
 'tis thought by many conscious innocence. Yet all 
 the while he plays a farce like witty Catullus run- 
 away slave. Poor man, you bawl loud enough to 
 drown the voice of Stentor, nay, loud as Homer s God 
 of Battles, ' 0 Jupiter, dost hear all that, and yet not 
 ope thy lips, when, even though only marble and 
 brass, thou should'st have broken silence ? Else why 
 do we empty in thy thurible our paper bag of holy 
 incense, and offer minced calf's liver and pig's white 
 chitterlings ? As far as I can see, there's nought to 
 choose between the images of you gods and the 
 statue of a Vagellius.' 
 
 Hear on the other hand what comfort can be 
 offered even by one unread alike in Cynic lore and 
 maxims of the Stoics — distinguished from the Cynics 
 by their shirts — by one who does not look for 
 guidance to Epicurus, so happy in the shrubberies 
 of his tiny garden. Let desperate cases be treated 
 by great physicians ; but you may trust your vein 
 even to a pupil of Philippus. If you can point to no 
 crime so detestable throughout the world, I have no 
 more to say. I do not forbid that you should thump 
 your breast with clenched fist nor beat your brow 
 with open palm. Of course we must shut up the 
 house when loss has been sustained, and money lost 
 is sorrowed for with more domestic wailing and more 
 
XIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 97 
 
 ado than loss by death. For under this calamity 
 none counterfeit distress : no one contents himself 
 with slitting his tunic's edge and squeezing a forced 
 drop out of his eye. The loss of money is bewailed with 
 genuine tears. But, if you see at every judgment- 
 seat the like complaints abounding: if, after their 
 own bills have been ten times read over by the 
 opposite side, they say the signature is forged, the 
 document worthless — convicted, as they are, by their 
 own writing and their signet, the queen of sard- 
 onyxes, in ivory casket treasured — think you, fine 
 gentleman, to be exempted from the common lot, 
 because you are a white hen's cockerel, and we but 
 sorry chickens, hatched of unlucky eggs ? Your 
 suffering is but slight, and one you would endure 
 with moderate chagrin, if you but glanced at graver 
 crimes. Compare the hiring an assassin, or incen- 
 diarism essayed with brimstone laid by stealth, when 
 the flames first gather at your outer door. Compare, 
 too, those who carry off some ancient temple's 
 massive chalices with their venerable rust, a nation's 
 gift, or crowns that a monarch of old days dedicated. 
 But, if there be none such, a meaner temple-burglar 
 starts up, to scrape a gilded Hercules' thigh and 
 Neptune's face itself, and strip from Castor his gold 
 leaf. Why should he hesitate ? 'Tis no uncommon 
 thing to melt a Thunderer down entire. Compare, 
 J. 7 
 
98 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [XIII 
 
 besides, the poison-makers and the poison-vendors : 
 another, too, who must be sent to sea in a cow's hide 
 — an innocent ape, the victim of unkindly fate, his 
 fellow-prisoner. Yet what a fraction this of the 
 crimes that Gallicus the City Prefect hears of from 
 rise of Lucifer to set of Sun ! If you would know 
 the dispositions of mankind, that single courthouse 
 is enough. Spend a few days therein, and, when you 
 leave it, call yourself wretched — if you dare. In the 
 Alps who wonders at goitre, or in Meroe at the 
 mother s breast bigger than her chubby baby ? Who 
 marvels at a German's blue eyes or at his yellow 
 hair with greasy curls twisted in tufts? Simply 
 because they all are of a common type. To meet 
 the screaming cloud of swooping Thracian birds the 
 pigmy warrior rushes in his dwarfish armour. Next 
 moment, succumbing to his foe, with crooked talons 
 borne through air he is swept away by a savage crane. 
 If you saw this among ourselves, you'd be convulsed 
 with laughter; but there, though like encounters 
 may be continually witnessed, none laugh, because 
 the whole host there does not exceed a foot in 
 height. 
 
 Shall there, then, be no chastisement for the 
 perjured creature — for this horrible treachery ? Sup- 
 pose him dragged off forthwith with a heavy chain 
 upon him, and executed at our will (what more could 
 
XIIl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 99 
 
 vengeance wish ?) yet still the loss remains, nor will 
 you ever get the trust-money back, while the con- 
 solation of a drop of blood from his headless corpse 
 will bring hatred too. ' Aye, but revenge is a bless- 
 ing sweeter than life itself/ Why, that is what the 
 ignorant say, whose passions you may see blaze up 
 on trifling provocation (at times with none at all). 
 Chrysippus wdll not say the same, nor gentle-tem- 
 pered Thales, nor the old sage who lived hard by 
 Hymettus, that hill of sweets, who in his cruel 
 bondage would not share with his accuser the dose 
 of hemlock. In fact vindictiveness is ever the delight 
 of stunted, w^eak, mean spirits, as you may soon infer 
 from this, that no one feels more pleasure than a 
 woman in revenge. But why suppose they have 
 escaped, whom the guilty memory of their dreadful 
 crime keeps in terror, and smites with noiseless whip, 
 their torturing conscience wielding the unseen lash ? 
 Nay, but their punishment is keen, and much more 
 pitiless than any that stern Caedicius and Ehada- 
 manthus can invent — to bear their witness in their 
 breast by night and day. The Pythian Prophetess 
 in answer to a certain Spartan said his punishment 
 would come in time, because he had in his mind 
 debated the keeping a deposit and brazening out the 
 fraud by perjury; for he enquired what was the 
 mind of Heaven, and if Apollo urged the crime. 
 
 7—2 
 
100 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xill 
 
 And SO from fear, not principle, he gave it back, yet 
 furnished proof that every utterance from the shrine 
 was true and worthy of that fane ; for, all the same, 
 he was cut off, and all his children, and his house- 
 hold, and all his kin, however remote the line of their 
 descent. Such punishment attends the mere desire 
 to sin ; for he who in secret meditates a crime within 
 his breast incurs the guilt of crime committed. And 
 what, if he has carried out his ends ? Then his dis- 
 quietude knows no relief, abating not even at meal- 
 time, when his mouth is parched as if with fever, and 
 the tasteless food swells between his grinders. Poor 
 wretch, he spits out the wines of Setia : the costly 
 Alban mellowed by old age disgusts him. Offer 
 a choicer brand, still clouds of wrinkles gather on his 
 brow, such as the sharp Falernian causes. At night 
 — if so be his solicitude has vouchsafed him a little 
 doze, and, after tossing over all the couch, his limbs 
 at last are resting — straightway he sees in dreams the 
 shrine and altars of the outraged god, and, what 
 oppresses his heart with a peculiar horror — a vision 
 of yourself! Your form, weird and colossal, scares 
 him with terror, and drives him to confession. 'Tis 
 such as he that quake and blench at every lightning- 
 flash, and, when it thunders, faint with fear even at 
 the firmament's first rumble, as though not from 
 mere chance or rage of winds, but in wrath and 
 
XIIl] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 101 
 
 judgment, the flame was falling on the earth. If last 
 storm did no hurt, the next is feared with more pro- 
 found anxiety, as though this lull was but a mere 
 reprieve. And then, too, the instant that they feel the 
 pain of pleurisy with its fever banishing sleep, these 
 they regard as slings and arrows of the gods, and 
 think the sickness has been sent upon their frames 
 by an offended Heaven. They dare not vow to the 
 shrine a bleating lamb, or promise a cock's comb to 
 their Household Gods ; for what hope is left to the 
 villain s sick couch ? Nay, what victim is not more 
 worthy to live ? When they commit the crime, they 
 have the help of daring ; the difference 'twixt right 
 and wrong they begin to feel too late, their crimes 
 accomplished. But still nature fixed and unalterable 
 harks back to habits reprobated ; for who has ever 
 fixed a limit to his sins ? or when has anyone gained 
 back the blush once banished from his brazen face ? 
 What man have you yet seen content himself with one 
 misdeed ? Our perjured friend will step into the 
 trap, will make acquaintance with the hook of the 
 dark prison, or with some cliff in the Aegean, where 
 noble exiles swarm upon the crags. You will exult 
 in the bitter punishment of one you hate, and then 
 at length will joyfully admit no god is either deaf or 
 like ^ the sightless seer.' 
 
102 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xiV 
 
 XIV. 
 
 Fuscinus, there's many an act meriting infamy 
 and imprinting a lasting stain on nature's fair 
 creations, which parents of themselves suggest and 
 pass on to their boys. If your old age finds solace 
 in the ruinous dice, your heir takes to gambling, 
 while still an infant, and rattles the missiles of your 
 warfare in his miniature dice-box. Nor will any of 
 his kin be allowed to hope better things of a young 
 man who has learnt from the teachings of a good-for- 
 nothing parent and an old man's gluttony how to peel 
 truffles, and pickle mushrooms, and bolt the becca- 
 ficoes soused in the paternal sauce. When seven 
 years have passed over the boy's head, before his 
 second crop of teeth has all sprung up, though you 
 set bearded sages at him, a thousand at each elbow, 
 still he will always desire to dine in sumptuous style, 
 and to have no decline in his kitchen's glories. Does 
 Kutilus teach gentleness and leniency towards trivial 
 faults, and that slaves' souls and bodies have like 
 constituents and common elements with ours? or 
 does he not rather teach cruelty, this Rutilus, who 
 delights in the blood-curdling hiss of the knout, pre- 
 ferring the music of the lash to all the sirens' songs 
 — an Antiphates and Polyphemus to his cowering 
 
XIV] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 103 
 
 household — then at his happiest when the torturer is 
 called, and someone is branded with the hot iron, and 
 all for a pair of towels ? What does his joy in the 
 clanking of chains suggest to his son? Or his strange 
 delight in branded gangs and country bridewells? 
 Do you expect Larga s daughter to be moral, who 
 never can rehearse her mother's paramours however 
 rapidly, string them together however trippingly, 
 without full thirty gasps for breath? While still 
 a girl she was mamma's accomplice; and now, 
 at her dictation, she fills her own tiny tablets, and 
 sends them to her gallants by the old disreputable 
 go-betweens. Such is Nature's law. Bad home- 
 examples taint more quickly, because they enter our 
 minds with weightier authority. Perhaps they may 
 be spurned by a youth or two, whose hearts the Titan 
 moulded with gracious purpose and of finer clay; but 
 the rest are guided by their fathers' fatal footprints, 
 and drawn on in the track of inveterate crime so long 
 familiar to their eyes. Therefore refrain from all that 
 merits blame. There is at any rate one motive that 
 commands this course — the fear lest our own offspring 
 copy our vice; for all of us are quick to imitate what's 
 base and bad ; you'll find a Catiline in every nation, 
 under every sky, but not a Brutus, no, nor a Cato 
 anywhere. Let no foul word or sight come nigh the 
 threshold where a father dwells. Away with the 
 
104 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xiv 
 
 pandars' wenches! Away with the songs of that 
 night-bird the parasite ! You owe your child pro- 
 foundest reverence. If meditating aught that's base, 
 despise not your boy's tender years; but let the image 
 of your infant son arrest you on the verge of sin. 
 For should he some day do a deed to earn the censor s 
 wrath, and show himself not only your counterpart 
 in face and figure, but the heir of your character as 
 well — one to follow in your steps, and sin every sin 
 in worse degree — you'll chide and scold him forsooth 
 with loud reproaches, and then proceed to change 
 your will. But whence that boldness, whence those 
 parental rights, when you in your old age do worse 
 than he, and the cupping-instrument has long been 
 on the look-out for this brainless pate of yours ? 
 
 If company is coming, no slave of yours could 
 dawdle. 'Sweep the pavement! Let me see the 
 pillars glistening ! Down with that withered spider 
 and all her web ! Ho ! you ! polish the plain silver, 
 and you the figured cups ! ' So the master storms at 
 the top of his voice, urging them on, with rod in hand. 
 Poor wretch ! are you, then, in a fidget lest the hall, 
 soiled with dogs' droppings, may offend your friend's 
 eye, when he comes, and lest the vestibule be splashed 
 with mud — all which one little page with one half 
 peck of sawdust puts to rights — but yet bestow no 
 thought on this, how your son's eye shall rest upon a 
 
XIV] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 105 
 
 household unsullied, stainless, innocent of vice ? We 
 thank you that you gave a citizen to your country 
 and your people, if you make him serviceable to 
 that country, helpful to its soil, helpful in public 
 work in peace and war; for it will matter much 
 with what lessons and principles you train him. 
 The stork supports her young with snakes and 
 lizards found in lonely wilds ; full-fledged they seek 
 those very reptiles. The vulture hies her from 
 the gibbet, and dead horse, and dog, home to her 
 young, and bears to them their share of the carcass. 
 Such, therefore, is the full-grown vulture's food, 
 wh6n foraging for itself, and making a nest in a 
 tree of its own; whereas the noble birds that are 
 Jove's ministers chase in the woods the hare or 
 wild goat, the flesh of which supplies their nest, 
 whence when the brood full-grown has soared, im- 
 pelled by appetite, it swoops upon the prey which 
 first it tasted when it cracked its shell. 
 
 Cretonius had a craze for building. Now on 
 Gaeta s winding shore, and now on Tivoli's topmost 
 heights, or on Praeneste's hills, he reared his high- 
 roofed villas with marbles brought from Greece or 
 further still, dwarfing both Fortune's shrine and that 
 of Hercules as much as Eunuch Posides eclipsed our 
 own Capitol. Thus grandly housed, Cretonius spent 
 his cash and wrecked his fortunes. Yet still the 
 
106 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xiV 
 
 amount of the residue was far from small; but all 
 of this was madly squandered by the son in raising 
 up new villas of still finer stone. 
 
 Some, who have got from fortune a father who 
 respects the Sabbath, are worshippers of nought 
 except the clouds and God of Heaven, and think the 
 flesh of swine (from which their fathers shrank) 
 exactly on a par with that of man. Soon they are 
 even circumcised. But, trained to scorn the laws of 
 Rome, they learn by heart, obey, and reverence the 
 Jewish code, the whole of that which Moses in his 
 mystic volume handed down — to show the way to 
 none but fellow-worshippers, to guide none but the 
 circumcised to the stream they seek. The fault lies 
 with the father, who made of every seventh day 
 a day of sloth and unconcerned with any of life's 
 interests. 
 
 But other vices youths copy of themselves ; while 
 avarice alone they have to be enjoined to practise, 
 even against their will. For its enormity escapes 
 attention through its virtuous guise and semblance ; 
 since its demeanour is grave, its garb and look austere; 
 and the skinflint gets unqualified praise as a thrifty 
 soul, a frugal man, whose money is in surer keeping 
 than if the hoard were guarded by Hesperian or 
 Colchian dragon. Besides, the multitude think him 
 of whom I speak a master of the ' Art of Getting.' 
 
Xiv] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 107 
 
 No doubt these are the craftsmen whose fortune 
 grows beneath their hand, but grows by all means 
 fair and foul alike. The anvil ever at work and forge 
 always alight increase its bulk. And so the father too 
 considers a miser's to be a happy disposition; and, wor- 
 shipping money, and reflecting that never was there 
 an instance of a poor man ' well off,' counsels his sons 
 to follow that path, and join that school of Philoso- 
 phers. Vice, so to say, has its own alphabet ; in this 
 he trains them first, and makes them perfect in the 
 pettiest meannesses. With a short measure he 
 pinches his slaves' bellies, and starves himself as 
 well. Never, indeed, can he bear to eat at once all 
 the decaying scraps of mouldy bread; for 'tis his 
 practice, even in the middle of September, to save the 
 mince of yesterday, and put by for to-morrow's 
 dinner under his seal, aye, even in summer time, 
 the dish of beans and fragments of lacertus or half of 
 a stale shad, and lock up, too, the cut-leek parings — 
 first counting them ! To such a meal a beggar on a 
 bridge would scorn your invitation. But why amass 
 this wealth at cost of pain like this, when 'tis sheer 
 madness, transparent lunacy, living a pauper's life, 
 to die a millionaire ? Meantime, while swells the 
 money-bag with well-filled mouth, the love of pelf 
 is growing fast as the wealth itself has grown; he 
 who has it not covets it least. And so you get a 
 
108 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xiv 
 
 second manor-house, when one estate does not suffice ; 
 and, wishing to extend your bounds, you think your 
 neighbour s field a bigger and a better than your 
 own. That too you buy: his shrubberies, and his 
 hill with its pale olive woods ; but, if no price can 
 tempt the owner, you'll send by night upon his 
 green corn-lands your lean kine and starving yoke- 
 worn teams, nor drive them home, till all the 
 standing crop has made its way into their ravenous 
 bellies ; you'd think that sickles did the work. You 
 scarce could say how many have to mourn over 
 mischief of such sort, how many properties are 
 forced upon the market by outrages like this. ' But 
 what a scandal ! What an ugly tale for rumour to 
 blare abroad !' ' What harm ? ' is his reply. ' I value 
 at less than a pea-pod my neighbours' praise through 
 all the country-side, if I am to reap only a poor 
 handful of corn from a scanty farm.' No doubt you 
 would be free from sickness and infirmity : you'd be 
 exempt from grief and care : long years of life with 
 happier lot from this time forward would be yours, 
 were you sole owner of as much ploughed land as 
 under Tatius' rule the Roman people tilled. In 
 later days even worn-out veterans, who took the 
 knocks of Carthaginian warfare or of the fierce 
 Pyrrhus and his Molossian sabres, received at length, 
 as pay for all their many wounds, barely two acres 
 
Xivj THE SATIBES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 109 
 
 each. And yet to none of them did this return fur 
 blood and toil appear in any case beneath their 
 merits, nor like a breach of faith by a thankless 
 country. A little plot like that would amply satisfy 
 the goodman himself and the population of his hut, 
 where lay a wife in childbed, four youngsters romp- 
 ing round — one slave boy, three young masters ; 
 whose grown-up brothers would find, on their return 
 from trenching or from ploughing, a later and more 
 plentiful meal, big steaming pots of porridge. But 
 now-a-days a plot of land like that is not enough for 
 our pleasure-ground. Hence chiefly springs what 
 prompts to crime ; and no vice of the human heart 
 has mixed more poison, or handles oftener the 
 assassin s knife, than savage greed for boundless 
 wealth. For he who would be rich would be so 
 quickly; but what respect for law, what fear, what 
 shame is ever found in one who hasteth to be rich ? 
 ' Live in contentment with your huts and hills, my 
 lads 1 ' the old Marsian, Hernican, or Vestinian 
 would say in days of yore, ' Let us with the plough 
 win bread sufficing for our board. This gains the 
 favour of the rural gods, by whose help and blessing 
 there came to man disdain for the old oak's fruit, 
 after the welcome boon of corn. He will not hanker 
 for forbidden pleasures who feels no shame in wearing 
 country highlows in the frost, and who with furs 
 
110 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xiv 
 
 reversed sends the East wind about its business. It 
 is that outlandish purple, whatever it be, unknown 
 to us, that leads to sin and turpitude.' So those old 
 worthies taught their children. But now-a-days, even 
 after autumn's close, a father rouses with a shout his 
 slumbering son at midnight : * Get up, lad, take your 
 tablets: write: prepare your pleas: peruse the old 
 red-lettered Acts : or else memorialise for a commis- 
 sion. But see that Laelius observes your head 
 innocent of the comb and your hirsute nostrils, and 
 marks admiringly your breadth of shoulder. Pillage 
 the Moorish huts or the Brigantian forts — that so 
 your sixtieth year may bring you the eagle and a 
 fortune. Or, if you hate the camp's monotonous 
 toil, if sound of horn and clarion upset your stomach 
 with fright, procure some stock you may retail at 
 more than half its cost ; and don't turn up your nose 
 at aught that's saleable, although tabooed on this side 
 Tiber. And don't suppose there's anything to choose 
 between perfumery and hides. Money smells sweet, 
 however got. Be this truth ever on your lips, 
 worthy of a poet of Heaven, aye, of Jove himself, 
 " None ask how you get ; but get you must." ' With 
 such an admonition might I speak to any father if 
 urging such like counsels : ' Say, fool, who spurs you 
 on? I guarantee the pupil will beat his master: 
 you may go off, and set your mind at rest. You'll be 
 
Xiv] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. HI 
 
 surpassed by him, as Telamon was passed by Ajax, 
 and Peleus outdone by Achilles. Allow for his 
 tender years. The taint of full-blown vice has not as 
 yet struck deep. But, when he has begun to comb 
 his beard, and introduce it to a long razor s edge, 
 he'll be a perjured witness, and for a trifle sell his 
 oath, with hand on Ceres' foot and altar. Count 
 your son's wife as dead and buried, if she pass your 
 door with fateful dowry. Ha! What hands are 
 those strangling her as she sleeps ! What you would 
 compass sea and land to gain he'll make his way to 
 by a shorter path. A monstrous crime gives one but 
 trifling trouble. You'll say some day, "I never taught 
 him this, nor gave such counsel." And yet with 
 you is the fount and source of his depravity ; for he 
 who has inspired a lust for inordinate wealth, and 
 brings his sons up misers by his sinister counsels, 
 relieves them from control, and flings loose reins to 
 the chariot. If you recall him now, he cannot stop. 
 Your warning scorned, he sweeps along, the turning 
 posts left far behind. No one is satisfied to sin but 
 just so much as you allow. So sure are men to give 
 themselves more latitude. Assure a youth that he is 
 a fool who would assist a friend, or would diminish 
 or dispel a kinsman's poverty; you teach him thus 
 to rob, to swindle, and to win by every form of crime 
 that wealth for which your passion is as strong as 
 
112 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xiv 
 
 was the love of country in the Decii's hearts: as 
 great, too, as Menoeceus felt for Thebes — if true 
 those tales of Greece, where shielded hosts sprout 
 up in furrows from seed of dragon's teeth, and take 
 at once to deadly strife, as if a bugler rose along with 
 them. And so you'll see the fire, the seeds of which 
 yourself supplied, blazing afar and carrying all before 
 it; no, nor, poor wretch, will you be spared, and 
 there, in his own den, the lion you have reared 
 will with a mighty roar despatch his panic-stricken 
 keeper. Your horoscope is known to the astrolo- 
 gers; but it is wearisome to wait upon the tardy 
 distaff. So you must die before j'-our thread of life's 
 run out. Even at this moment you're standing in 
 his light, and baulk his wishes. Your son is plagued 
 with your longevity, tedious as any stag's. Seek 
 an Archigenes at once, and buy the "Mithridatic 
 Mixture," if e'er again you'd pluck a fig, or even cull 
 the roses of another spring. You must procure that 
 drug which every father and king should take before 
 his meals.' 
 
 I now point out to you a capital diversion, with 
 which no play and no brave Praetor's show can bear 
 comparison, to watch what peril to one's life the 
 increase of his substance costs, his pile of money-bags 
 in brass-bound coffers, his hoard of gold that Castor 
 with his night-sentry must take in charge, since Mars, 
 
XI v] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 113 
 
 the Avenging God, has lost his helmet even, and 
 failed to save his own effects. Leave, then, all shows 
 of Flora, Ceres, Cybele. Far finer is the farce of 
 human life. What ! is there more amusement in 
 figures propelled from a spring-board, and in a 
 practised tight-rope dancer, than in the sight that 
 you afford, for ever haunting that Cilician craft, and 
 making it your house — the everlasting shuttlecock of 
 Mistral and Sirocco — and braving everything, to drive 
 your petty trade of odoriferous bags, and gloating 
 over your cargoes of full-bodied raisin-wine from 
 Crete's classic shore and jars — Jove's fellow-burghers? 
 But he, as he paces on with risky step, by that wage 
 of his gets food, and by that rope of his keeps off the 
 cold and hunger. You risk your life to gain a 
 thousandth talent or a hundredth villa. Behold the 
 harbours and Ocean's self crowded with mighty 
 ships ! More men are now at sea than ashore. A 
 fleet will go wherever hope of gain may call, not only 
 scudding o'er Carpathian and Gaetulian seas, but, 
 leaving Calpe far behind, 'twill hear the Sun God 
 hissing as he dips in Hercules' surge. 'Tis well 
 worth while to have paid a visit to the Ocean 
 monsters and the young men of the sea, in order to 
 return to your home with well-crammed money-bags 
 — with swelling port and swollen purse. Each head 
 is turned with its own craze. One in his sister's arms 
 J. 8 
 
114 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xiV 
 
 is in the 'horrors' with the Furies' scowls and fire- 
 brands; another stabs a cow, and thinks its lowing 
 the voice of Agamemnon or of the Prince of Ithaca. 
 He may have mercy on his shirts and coats, still that 
 man needs a guardian, who crams a ship with 
 merchandise up to the bulwark's edge— kept from a 
 watery grave by one plank's breadth. And silver, 
 cut into tiny heads and legends, supplies the only 
 ground for all that pain and peril ! The rain comes 
 on with lightning. 'Let go the cable,' cries the 
 owner of a ' line ' of corn or pepper. ' That colour in 
 the sky is nothing. There's nothing menacing in 
 yon dark cloud-rack; 'tis summer thunder.' That 
 very night mayhap the wretch, swept from his 
 foundering bark, will be engulphed and overwhelmed 
 in billows, clutching his purse with his left hand and 
 teeth* But, should he escape — nay, then the man, 
 whose wishes so recently could not be satisfied with 
 all the gold washed down by Tagus and Pactolus' 
 red sands, will be thankful for the rags that hide 
 his shivering loins and for a scanty meal, begging 
 a copper ' for a shipwrecked sailor,' and making for 
 himself a living with a picture of the storm. 
 
 Wealth so hard gotten demands still greater care 
 and anxiety to keep. 'Tis wretched work — this 
 guarding a big fortune. Licinus, the millionaire, 
 posts a squad of his slaves to range the fire-buckets 
 
Xiv] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 115 
 
 and keep night-watch, quaking for the amber, and 
 the statues (all his own), and for his Phrygian shafts, 
 his ivory, and broad slabs of tortoise-shell. The 
 naked Cynic s cask does not take fire. Break it, he'll 
 get a new house made to-morrow — even the old one, 
 if soldered, will still serve. Alexander, gazing upon 
 that tub's illustrious tenant, felt how much happier 
 was he, with no desires, than he himself, who craved 
 the whole world for his own, foredoomed to perils 
 that well might counterpoise his glories. Ah, 
 Fortune ! thou hast no divinity, if Wisdom be with 
 us. 'Tis we, 'tis we who deify thee. Yet still, if any 
 ask of me what measure of wealth should be enough, 
 then would I say: 'Enough to meet the calls of 
 hunger, thirst, and cold ; as much as was enough for 
 thee, O Epicurus, in thy little garden : as much as 
 furnished forth the board of Socrates in earlier days. 
 Never is Nature's voice opposed to Wisdom's. 
 Think you, I bind you down by too ascetic patterns ? 
 Add something of our modern notions. Make the 
 sum that which Otho's law thinks worthy of " The 
 Fourteen Rows." If this still makes you frown and 
 pout, take that which represents two Knights, nay, 
 make up a third four hundred thousand. If I have 
 not yet filled your lap, if it still yawns for more, not 
 even Croesus' wealth or Persia's Empire will content 
 your heart, no, nor the riches of Narcissus, whose 
 
116 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xiv 
 
 every whim the Caesar Claudius humoured, whose 
 every order he obeyed — yea, even to the slaying of 
 his wife 
 
 XV. 
 
 My friend Volusius of Bithynia, who does not 
 know the kind of monsters that that mad country, 
 Egypt, worships ? One district adores the crocodile, 
 another stands in awe of an ibis gorged with snakes. 
 The holy long-tailed ape's image glitters in gold 
 w^here the wizard chords echo from Memnon broken 
 in two, and ancient Thebes with her hundred gates 
 lies in ruins. Here whole towns worship cats, there 
 river-fish, here the dog — but none Diana!* Leek 
 and onion 'tis wicked to desecrate or wound with a 
 bite. Oh, what a holy people ! With gods like 
 these a-sprouting in their gardens ! No table there 
 but abstains from woolly animals. There 'tis a crime 
 to spill a young kid's blood, while 'tis lawful to feed 
 on human flesh. Likely enough, when Ulysses over 
 the supper-table told the amazed Alcinous of such an 
 atrocity, he found he had roused the gall or ridicule 
 of certain of the company, and figured as a lying 
 jester. ' Is there no one to pitch this fellow into the 
 
 * The dog's mistress. 
 
xv] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 117 
 
 sea, with his inventions of savage Laestrygons and 
 Cyclopes — deserving, as he does, a real Charybdis 
 with a vengeance ? I could sooner swallow his tale 
 of Scylla, or of the clashing of the Dark Crags rocks, 
 or of the skins full of storms, or of Elpenor, when 
 smit by Circe's gentle stroke, falling a-grunting in 
 concert with the crew turned into pigs.' Even thus 
 might one of them have fairly spoken while still 
 sober — one who had drawn the wine but sparingly 
 from the Corcyrean bowl; for the man of Ithaca 
 recited this his tale upon his own authority, unbacked 
 by witnesses. Though strange the tale that I will 
 tell, yet 'tis of things done but the other day in 
 Juncus consulship, away beyond the walls of parched- 
 up Coptus — tale of a people's crime, of deeds more 
 horrible than all the scenes of tragedy ; for in your 
 tragic poets, though you may overhaul all tragic 
 themes from Pyrrha down, there's no crime wrought 
 by a nation. Hear, then, the example which a cruel 
 barbarism has produced for this age of ours. 
 
 Between the neighbours Ombi and Tentyra even 
 yet there burns a long-standing feud of remote 
 origin, an undying rancour, an incurable soreness. 
 The mob on both sides are stirred to utmost fury on 
 this account, because each place detests its neighbour's 
 gods, believing none should be esteemed divine but 
 those of its own worship. However, 'twas the holiday 
 
118 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xv 
 
 time of one of the two peoples; and the chance 
 seemed to all the great men and leaders of the 
 hostile tribe one to be seized, in order to prevent 
 their enemies enjoying their day of mirth and gaiety 
 and the delights of a big feed, with tables laid in 
 temple and crossway, and couches that know not 
 sleep remaining spread all night and day — still found 
 there sometimes by the seventh morning's sun. See, 
 on the one side, men dancing to a negro-piper: 
 perfumes (such as they were !), flowers, and no lack 
 of garlands on their heads ; and, on the other side, 
 hate — on an empty stomach ! But, to proceed, when 
 passions are on fire, taunts are the first thing heard 
 — the bugle-call to the fray. Then with answering 
 cheers they charge, and, failing weapons, bare hands 
 do the cruel work. Few are the cheeks ungashed. 
 Scarcely one — indeed, none — in all the crowd of 
 combatants has got a whole nose left. And now all 
 through the lines you might see mutilated faces, 
 features disfigured, cheeks cut open, bones starting 
 out, fists dripping with the blood from men s eyes. 
 Still they think themselves only sporting, only like 
 children playing 'at soldiers,' because trampling on 
 no corpses. And what's the good, indeed, of all those 
 thousands of fighting mobsmen, if none are to be 
 killed ? And so they charge more furiously ; and 
 now set to at hurling stones, which with bended 
 
xv] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 119 
 
 arms they had gathered on the ground (handy 
 weapons for a riot), but no such stone as Turnus 
 and Ajax hurled, none heavy as that with which the 
 son of Tydeus smote Aeneas' hip, but such as hands 
 quite different from theirs — the creation of our own 
 age — could fling. For this race of ours was on the 
 wane already even in Homer s life-time. The men 
 that Earth breeds now-a-days are little and bad ; so 
 any god* that ever deigned to look at them laughs 
 at, as well as hates, them. 
 
 But to resume my story from this digression. 
 When, reinforced, the one side dares to draw the 
 sword, and to renew the fight with a discharge of 
 arrows, the dwellers in Tentyra, near neighbour to 
 the shady palms, show their backs in headlong flight, 
 the men of Ombi on their heels. At this point one 
 man in excess of terror overruns himself, slips, and is 
 taken. Then the mob of conquerors cut him up into 
 many scraps and morsels, so that the single corpse 
 might be shared among the multitude — and then ate 
 up the whole of him and picked the bones ; nor did 
 they cook him either in seething pot or on the spit : 
 such very tiresome, tedious work they thought it to 
 wait for a fire, right well contented with the carcass 
 raw ! Here we may well rejoice they did not 
 desecrate the fire Prometheus stole from Heaven's 
 * In allusion to the doctrine of the Epicureans. 
 
120 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 [xv 
 
 topmost height, and gave to Earth. Congratulations, 
 Element ! You must be glad, I'm sure. However, 
 the man who did not flinch from chewing * corpse ' 
 never ate anything with greater gusto than that 
 meat. Ask not nor wonder if, when the crime was 
 one so great, only the first to taste it relished it. I 
 tell you, the last who stood there waiting, when the 
 whole corpse was now consumed, scraping his fingers 
 along the ground, secured himself a taste of blood. 
 The Vascones, so runs the tale, prolonged their lives 
 in days of old on food like this. But, then, the case 
 was different. There there was fortune's spite, war s 
 extremities, a desperate plight, the frightful famine 
 of a long blockade. When every green thing and 
 every living thing had been used up, and everything 
 to which the rage of craving stomach drove them 
 (their very foemen pitying their pale and haggard 
 faces and skeleton frames), they tore to pieces in 
 their hunger the limbs of others, ready to eat — aye, 
 even their own ! Say, who of men or gods could 
 refuse forgiveness to bellies that had suffered such 
 fell extremities ? The very ghosts of the men whose 
 bodies they were eating might well have pardoned 
 them. 'Tis true that Zeno's maxims teach us better. 
 Their doctrine is that some things, but not all things, 
 should be done to save one's life. But how should a 
 Cantabrian be a Stoic, and that, too, in old Metellus' 
 
XV] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 121 
 
 time ? Nowadays, it's true, all the world has got the 
 culture of both Greece and Rome; Gaul, home of 
 eloquence, has taught the Britons to be pleaders; 
 Iceland now talks of hiring a rhetorician. Still that 
 noble people, whom we have mentioned, and 
 Zagynthos, too — their equal in valour and honour: 
 more than their equal in suffering — have some excuse 
 to plead for such an act. But Egypt is more ruth- 
 less yet than the Maeotic Altar. For that Tauric 
 goddess, foundress of horrid rites — that for the 
 moment you may grant credible what poems relate 
 — just sacrifices and no more ; the victim has nothing 
 further, nothing more grievous than the knife to fear. 
 But what strait, then, impelled these to their purpose ? 
 What extremity of famine, or what warfare menacing 
 their bulwarks, drove them to venture on so hateful 
 an atrocity? Could they, if Memphis land went 
 dry, bring any worse* reproach upon the Nile, 
 because 'twas loth to rise ? A frenzy never known 
 to the dread Cimbri, or Britons, or to the fell Sauro- 
 matians, or savage Agathyrsi — such frenzy fires that 
 tame and worthless mob, whose wont it is to set the 
 puny sails of clay canoes, and strain their muscles 
 over the stumpy paddles of their gay craft of earthen- 
 ware. No punishment that you'll invent can match 
 their crime ; nor can you devise fit chastisement for 
 * i.e.i by a more terrible sacrifice even than this. 
 
122 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xv 
 
 tribes like these, in whose nature anger has equal 
 and like effect with hunger. That the heart she 
 gives mankind is very tender Nature herself avows, 
 that Nature who bestowed on us the gift of tears of 
 sympathy — our best emotion. She prompts us to 
 grief for the mournful guise of a friend pleading his 
 cause, a prisoner at the bar, or for a ward calling his 
 cheating guardian into court — the sex of that tearful 
 face made doubtful by his girlish locks. It is at 
 Nature's bidding that we weep, when a grown 
 maiden's funeral meets us, or when the earth closes 
 upon a babe too little for the flame of the pyre. For 
 what good man, who that is worthy of the mystic 
 torch, who such as Ceres' priest would have him be, 
 thinks anyone's troubles no concern of his ? 'Tis this 
 which separates us from the herd of speechless brutes, 
 and 'tis for this that we alone who have received a 
 reverential mind, made, as we are, to take in holy 
 things, fitted to exercise and apprehend the arts of 
 life, have from high Heaven derived the power of 
 sympathy, which creatures lack that stoop and stare 
 at earth. In the world's young days our common 
 Author granted to them merely the boon of life, to 
 us of mind as well, that mutual feelings of regard 
 might urge us to seek and render aid, to draw the 
 scattered into a people, to shift our quarters from the 
 ancestral woods, and leave the groves that were our 
 
xv] 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 123 
 
 grandsires' homes, to build houses, to rear another 
 roof-tree next our home, that confidence born of 
 union might vouchsafe us sleep secured by a neigh- 
 bour s threshold, to protect with arms a iellow- 
 citizen prostrate or staggering beneath a heavy 
 blow, to sound war-signals on a common trumpet, 
 to screen ourselves behind the self-same walls, and 
 to be closed in by the key of a common portal. But, 
 as it is, there's greater concord among snakes. The 
 beast of like race is tender to its spotted kin. When 
 has a stronger lion taken a brother-lion's life ? In 
 what woodland has ever boar expired by tusk of 
 larger boar ? The Indian tigress with savage tigress 
 keeps the peace unbroken; and there is harmony 
 between fierce bears. But for man it is not enough 
 to have fashioned the fatal blade upon the accursed 
 anvil, although the smiths of yore, trained to forge 
 nought but mattocks and hoes, and weary with 
 making pick and ploughshare, knew not how to 
 shape the sword. We see whole nations now, whose 
 wrath mere murder does not satisfy, but they must 
 needs regard their victim's chest, and arms, and face 
 as articles of food. What would Pythagoras, then, 
 say, or whither would he not take flight, could he 
 see such horrors as these to-day — he who abstained 
 from all brutes' flesh as if 'twas man's, nor even 
 allowed his belly pulse — at least not every kind ? 
 
124 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xvi 
 
 XVI. 
 
 Who, Gallius, can recount the advantages of 
 lucky soldiering ? Why, if I could but enter a crack 
 regiment, I would the camp-gate might give welcome 
 to myself, a shy recruit — but might it be beneath a 
 lucky star ! For greater in its influence is one hour 
 of favouring fortune than an introduction to Mars by 
 letter from Venus, or by that mother of his, who 
 loves the beach of Samos. 
 
 First, touch we on the privileges that all enjoy. 
 This will prove not the least of them — that no 
 civilian would dare to thrash you : nay, should he be 
 thrashed, he'd hush it up, nor venture to show the 
 Praetor his knocked-out teeth, the mass of dark 
 discoloured swellings on his face, his eye, left there, 
 indeed, but despaired of by his doctor. And, if 
 you'd get redress for this, the judge assigned you 
 is a soldier's boot and burly calves to occupy the 
 capacious bench, for the old martial law and the 
 rules of Camillus are observed, that no soldier shall 
 be a litigant outside the camp or far from the 
 standards. 'So the Centurions trial of a soldiers 
 case is thoroughly fair ; nor shall I fail of redress if a 
 good case of grievance be presented/ Nay, but the 
 whole battalion is opposed to you, and all the 
 companies, acting in perfect concert, take good care 
 
XVl] THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL, 125 
 
 that the redress you get shall need a doctor's 
 treatment, too, and prove more grievous even than 
 the wrong. And so it v^ould be worthy of the 
 mulish wits of that ranter Vagellius, when you nave 
 but two legs, to fall foul of so many soldiers' boots, 
 so many thousand hobnails. Besides this, who'd go 
 all that way from Town? Who would be such a 
 Pylades, as to advance beyond the big Embankment ? 
 Dried be our tears at once, nor let us worry our 
 friends, so sure to make excuses. When the judge 
 says, 'Produce your witness,' should one who saw 
 the fisticuffs, whoever he may be, dare say, *I saw 
 it,' him would I deem worthy the beard, worthy the 
 long locks of the men of old. You could more 
 readily bring forward a false witness against a 
 civilian than one to speak the truth to the hurt 
 of purse or honour of a man-at-arms. 
 
 Now mark we the other prizes and the other 
 gains from enlistment. Say an unscrupulous neigh- 
 bour has filched from me a glade or meadow of my 
 family lands, and dug up from the middle of the 
 boundary-line the sacred stone, which my beans and 
 flat cake have yearly honoured, or if a debtor persists 
 in not repaying the cash he borrowed, saying the 
 signature is forged, the document worthless, I have 
 to wait a twelvemonth ere the first hearing of — the 
 tvhole nation's suits/ And even then we must put 
 
12G THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. [xvi 
 
 up with a thousand delays, a thousand hindrances ; 
 so often does a cushion only occupy the Bench ! 
 And, even while Caedicius the Eloquent is putting 
 off his cloak, and Fuscus is getting ready, though 
 fully equipped for battle, we have to part, and so we 
 wage our strife in the Court's wearisome arena. But 
 for the men who dress in armour, and are girt with 
 baldrics, the time that suits them is the time 
 appointed for the pleading, nor is their substance 
 wasted by the Law's tedious drag. 
 
 Besides, to soldiers only is the right allowed of 
 making bequests during their fathers' lifetime ; for 
 what is earned by military service the Law directs 
 shall form no part of that property of which the 
 father has entire control. And so Coranus, who 
 marches with the standards, and earns the regimental 
 pay, is courted for his fortune by his own father now 
 palsied with age. Well-merited favour gives the 
 soldier his promotion, and pays the due reward to 
 his honest efforts. Clearly it seems the interest of 
 the General himself that he who is brave should 
 likewise be most lucky: that all may pride them- 
 selves upon their trappings, all on their golden 
 collars — 
 
NOTES. 
 
 iii. 104. 
 
 [^And so we're no match for them. He has the best 
 of it, who never fails by night or day to take his cue/ &c.] 
 
 The verse is condemned by Jahn and Ribbeck, though 
 contained in all the MSS*, and quoted by John of 
 Salisbury. 
 
 iii. 113. 
 
 [^They're bent on finding out the secrets of the family, 
 and so being feared.^] 
 
 Contained in all the MSS., but suspected by Heinrich 
 and E/ibbeck. 
 
 iii. 281. 
 
 [' Can't he, then, get sleep in any other way ? Nay, 
 with some it is a brawl that brings sleep.'] 
 
 Condemned by Heinecke, Ribbeck, and Weise. 
 iv. 8. 
 
 [*Xo bad man is happy : least of all, a seducer, and 
 one guilty of incest too, who,' &c.] 
 
 If this verse be retained, the note of interrogation at 
 line 10 in Mr Mayor's text must, of course, be altered. 
 
 iv. 78. 
 
 [' For were the Prefects, then, anything else, when the 
 best of them, &c., <fec., the most upright expounder of the 
 Law, fancied,' &c.] 
 
 A verse condemned by Heinrich and Ribbeck. 
 
128 
 
 THE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 iv. 153. 
 
 *Cerdo, Kep8a)v, seems to have been a proper name, 
 given to slaves and common people, so that it naturally 
 stands for one of the rabble, the "Hob and Dick" of 
 Shakespeare's Coriolanus. . . . The notion that it means 
 a cobbler seems to be founded on Martial, 3. 59. 1, 
 99. 1, where it is coupled with "Sutor," as it is with 
 "faber" in an inscription in Spon's Misc. p. 221, referred 
 to by Jahn.' (Conington, n. on Pers. iv. 51.) 
 
 V. 51. 
 
 ['Did I complain just now you were not served with 
 the same wine 1 The very water that you drink/ &c.] 
 
 Contained in all the MSS., but condemned by Heinrich 
 and Jahn. 
 
 V. 66. 
 
 ['Every great house is full of these supercilious 
 menials.'] 
 
 Condemned by Heinrich and Eibbeck. 
 
 V. 91. 
 
 [' — why, it protects one even from deadly snakes.'] 
 Omitted by Pithou's MS., and condemned by Ruperti, 
 Heinrich, Jahn, E/ibbeck, and Weber. 
 
 v. 140. 
 
 ['A barren wife makes a delightful and a valued 
 friend.'] 
 
 Condemned by Jahn and Ribbeck. 
 
 v. 146—8. 
 
 A hint for the translation of these lines has been 
 taken from Mr Palmer's rendering, Hermathena, II., p. 
 391. 
 
 vii. 1 5. 
 
 The MSS. have 'equitesque.' In other passages in 
 
NOTES. 
 
 129 
 
 Juvenal (x. 162, xv. 1) the first syllable of ^Bithyni' is 
 long : so also in Horace. Professor Munro would omit 
 the particle ; see his note on p. 276 of Mr Mayor's 
 edition, vol. I. The verse is condemned by Jahn. 
 
 vii. 51. 
 
 [Hhe evil habit holds fast in its toils the victim of 
 ambition ; yea, that incurable itch for the pen has many 
 a one in its grip, and' (fee] 
 
 Jahn and E/ibbeck reject v. 51, and alter *ambitiosi' to 
 *ambitiosum.' 
 
 vii. 112. 
 
 The view taken of the meaning by Madvig and Mayor 
 is supported by Conington in his note on Persius, ii. 33. 
 
 vii. 138. 
 
 ['but E/Ome is prodigal and observes no limits to ex- 
 pense.'] 
 
 Condemned by Heinrich and Ribbeck. 
 
 vii. 181. 
 
 [* Nay, better here ! where his well-groomed mule's 
 hoof takes no stain.'] 
 
 Condemned by Heinrich and Ribbeck. 
 
 viii. 7. 
 
 [' by showing off a Corvinus in your big table of pedi- 
 gree : by your affinity through many a branch of your 
 tree with smoke-begrimed,' &c.] 
 
 Yerse 7 appears in P., but is omitted in many MSS., 
 and rejected by Weise, Ruperti, Jahn, Heinrich, and the 
 commentators generally. 
 
 viii. 111—2. 
 
 [*if a solitary deity still remains in his little shrine. 
 Such things, indeed, now represent the highest prizes, 
 for such things now are the best to be had.'] 
 
 J. 9 
 
130 I'HE SATIRES OF JUVENAL. 
 
 The verses are rejected by Jahn, E/ibbeck, and Manso, 
 and the words * haec — maxima' by Heinrich and others, 
 viii. 124. 
 
 ['javelin and helmet. The plundered still have got 
 their arms.'] 
 
 Condemned by Jahn and Lachmann. 
 
 viii. 160. 
 
 the Syrophoenician, who dwelt at the Edomite Pass.'] 
 Omitted in one MS. 
 
 viii. 202—3. 
 
 he scouts them) and detests them; nor does he con- 
 ceal his features with a helmet.'] 
 
 Eibbeck omits *et damnat — abscondit;* Ruperti, 
 Weise, and Heinrich condemn v. 202. 
 
 xi. 99. 
 
 Wellj and the food was just of a piece with house 
 and furniture.'] 
 
 Rejected by Heinrich, J ahn, and Ribbeck ; suspected 
 by Markland (see Mayor's note). Contained in all 
 the MSS. 
 
 xi. 161. 
 
 for wine and cupbearer have one and the same native 
 land.'] 
 
 H^inrichj E,ibbeck, and Markland (see Mayor's note) 
 condemn the verse. 
 
 xi. 165 — 6. 
 
 Married women, with their husbands at their sides, 
 gaze at this sight, though one would blush to speak of it 
 before them.'] 
 
 Omitted in several MSS., and rejected by Heinrich, 
 Jahn, and E/ibbeck. 
 
 xii. 29. 
 
 ['and a like misfortune befell our friend Catullus.'] 
 
NOTES, 
 
 131 
 
 xii. 50—1. 
 
 Some men don't make their fortunes for the sake of 
 living, but, blinded by depravity, live to make fortunes.'] 
 Condemned by Bentley, Heinrich, Ruperti, Jahn, and 
 Markland (see Mayor's note), although contained in all 
 the MSS. 
 
 xiii. 90. 
 
 [^Another fears that punishment attends on crime.'] 
 xiii. 153. 
 
 The vulgate is defended by Professor Brady. (Herma- 
 thena, III. pp. 195, 6.) He takes minor (in line 150) as 
 a predicate, and thus explains the passage : — ' The minor 
 sacrilegus is one of the greater thieves, who, not finding 
 any ancient cups or gifts of nations (haec ibi si non 
 sunt), so turns out on this occasion, a sacrilegus on a 
 smaller scale in that he [qui radat) only scratches the 
 gold off a statue; nor does he hesitate to do this, for 
 he is accustomed, when he has a chance, to melt down 
 the Thunderer himself. There is no difficulty in the 
 singular minor after Nos above; he is an individual 
 thief out of the class qui tollunt grandia templi pocula ; 
 he would do this on the present occasion, too, but haec 
 ibi non sunt, so he perforce exstat minor sacrilegus.' 
 
 xiii. 183. 
 
 [* indeed, however insignificant the occasion, it is 
 sufficient to enrage them.'] 
 Condemned by Heinrich. 
 
 xiii. 187—9. 
 
 For blest Philosophy divests us by degrees of almost 
 every natural taint and every wrong belief. She gives us 
 our first lesson in what is right.'] 
 
132 
 
 THE SATIEES OF JUVENAL, 
 
 xiii. 236. 
 
 The nature of the bad is for the most part fickle and 
 unstable.'] 
 
 xiv. 125. 
 
 [^and soon he instils the unquenchable desire for 
 money-getting. '] 
 
 xiv. 208—10. 
 This old dry-nurses teach to boys before they walk ; 
 and this the girls all learn before their A, B, C] 
 There is great variety of reading in the MSS. 
 
 xiv. 229. 
 
 Omitted by some of the MSS. Condemned by 
 Heinrich, Jahn, and E-uperti; it is unintelligible as 
 it stands. 
 
 XV. 44—48. 
 
 [(* Egypt, indeed, is savage enough, yet in luxurious- 
 ness, so far as I have myself observed, its mob of bar- 
 barians does not yield to infamous Canopus.) Add this, 
 too, that victory is quite easy to gain over men 
 drunk, stammering, staggering in their cups.'] 
 
 Condemned by Francke and Heinrich. 
 
 XV. 97—8. 
 
 for the instance, of which I now speak, of this kind 
 of food should wake our pity, seeing that the nation 
 I have just named,' &c.] 
 Condemned by Erancke. 
 
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DIVINITY. 
 
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