I i TIT FOR TAT, AN ORIGINAL SKETCH, IN O^^E SCENE, BY IDA M, B UXT OK^ — AUTHOR OF — Sow She Has. Her Own Way; The Census Taker; A Seioing Circle oj the Feriod; Matrimonial Bliss; Tit for Tat; Our Awful Aunt; Why they Joined the Beheccas^ How He Popped the Question ^ etc* Entered according to act of Congress in the year I884, by A, D, AMES, in the qffice of the Librar^ian of Congress, at Washington* CLYDE. OHIO, A. D. AMEs/ PUBLISHER. TIT FOR TAT. CHARACTERS. LENA MORLEY, A Young Lady RALPH DERWENT, Her Lover TOM, - A Colored Servant TIME— THE PBESENT. COSTUMES.— Modevn. The hiinelibaek is easily made by plac- ing a folded shawl upon the shoulders, under the coat. TIME OF I>LAYING-TMENTX MINUTES. 9 / TIT FOR TAT. SCENE I,-^Interior of a sitting-room. Lena seated at table icith let^ ♦ ■ ter in her hand. Lena, How provoking and ridiculous it all is to be sure ! Poor Aunt Mary, as much as I loved you. I can but feel, that you were guilty of great injustice, when you bequeathed your fortune to us upon the condition that we marry each other. Of what were you thinking? The idea of expecting two strangers, as we are, to fall desperately in love at first sight, and get married merely to gratify one of your whims! Far be it from me to disrespect the wishes of the dead, but in this case I will rebel. Ah, a bright thought ! I re- member Ainit Mary once said, that this Ealph Derwent was ex- tremely fastidious ; now, I'll disguise myself and he shall know me as a coarse, dandy, countr5^ lass. I will do my best to horrify him, and if I can't make him break the conditions of the will, that is, re- fuse to marry me, then the money is mine, and I can live here quiet- ly and happily. But the letter says he is fo arrive at ten and it is nearly that time now, so I must array myself for his reception. Enter Tom, L. Tom. Hab yer been lookin' fur me, Miss Lena? Lena. Yes, this morning I received a letter from Mr. Derwent, saying he would arrive here at ten o'clock; now you must make preparations for his reception. Tom. He's a comin', eh? I alius knowed he'd tote himself roun' soon as de Missus was dead, tinlis he's gwine to git all her prosperi- ty, mabbe. Ije7ia. Property, you mean Tom. Tom. It's all jes' de same; dere ain't no use talkin' to dis yere nigger, he knows all 'bout dat derangement, an' he's jes' bilin' to de ejirs wid mad, to see dis yer scala-nag, what nebber come near de Missus when she's sick, to. see him comin' long now 'cos he tinks he kin fill his pockets wid money what don't b'long to him; I'se jes' bilin' ober, I am. Lena. There is no necessity for you to boil too much. Perhaps we had better not denounce him until we see him. Tom. 'Spose when he comes dere '11 be a mighty big weddin'. He am a lucky sunflower dat feller am, what's got an aunt to do his courtin' fer him, it's mos' as good as habin' a mudder-in-law to do de bossin'. O ya-as, I'd a ben married years ago, if I'd only had somebody to ax de gal. a OF ILL LIB, 4 TIT FOK TAT. Lena, Perhaps Mr. Derweiit isn't quite so sure of «*i wife and a fortune as it appears. Now Tom, whatever happens to-day you are not to act the least bit surprised, now remember. {exit, L. Tom, Can't act s'prised I Dat's a miolity queer way to tell a fel- ler. What she tinks Fse o-wlne to do? Not act s'prised ! Til bet de best banjo I ebber owned, dat she's up to some ob her teetolum gimcracks or odder. But golly, ef I don't fly roun' dat room iiebber'll be read}^; dc old feller orter to bunk in de barn, dat's good enuf fer him. {exit, l. V Enter Ilalph, li. Balpli, The same old place, not much change since I rambled over these lands when a mere boy. Ah! I have seen mnch in that time, travelled through many countries, and now to be summoned home on this peremptory notice. Poor Awnt Mary, I always thought she was the most eccentric mortal under the sun, but I never drejim- ed she would carry her oddity to this extent, (taking letter from his pocket and examining it) Here the lawyer informs me tliat she has left her whole fortune to myself and a neice of her husband, one Lena Morley, upon the condition that we marry. Egad! Then a fellow isn't to have the privilege of choosing his own wife, it's pre- posterous! I won't humor the silly wish, but, ha! ha! I have it I a capital idea ! I'll disguise myself in the most horrible manner possible and appear before Miss Lena, and if I don't make her break the will my name isn't Palph Dervvent. The girl I don't want and won't have, but the money will be very acceptable, so here goes. Miss. Lena, beware ! ' (exit, l. Enter Lena, R., dressed in a most gau lg and unhecorainj manner, Lena, How will I do? Am I not charming? Won't he open his aristocratic eyes, when he sees the girl his aunt wished him to mar- ry? This is quite romantic, I declare. Now let me see, I must throw aside every vestige of retiuement, assume the very rudest manner, stimmon the whole vocabulary of slang to my aid, and make believe that I am extremly anxious to wed him. Ah, Mr. Kalph Derwent, you little know what is in store for you. (pause a moment thoughjul- ly) No, I am not doing w vong to deceive him in this manner : he has plenty of money while i am a penniless orphan; he never cared for Aunt Mary, while I watched at her bedside, willing to do her every bidding; it is not right that he should take all from me. Enter Tqm, r. Tom, [Stares at Ltn% for a. m v,mnt, then bursts into laughter,] Lena, Well, Tom, you seem to be enjoying 3'ourself, what is the matter? Tom, Gollies, Miss Lena, what's de matter? Dats jes' what I wants ter know. Dis nigg-er nebber seed sich style as dat nohow, it squashes all de fash ins I eber see: s'pose dat's j^our weddin' gown. Lena, Didn't I tell you not to be surprised at any thing? Tom, O gollies, I ain't s'prised nohow, but 3^er nebber done tole me not to laiF. Guess Massa Derwent'll he mashed, when he sees you dis way. I'd jes' like ter mash him, I would. Lena, Mr. Derwent has arrived of course ? TIT FOR X^T. 9 Tom, Ya-as, lie's iu liis room priiikiii' hisself to death I s'pose, Le7icu Is he good lookiii' ? Tom, Dere, dat's what you wimen alius axes fust, I dunno, 'cos I nebber seed him, he went right to his room an' won't let nobody in, right high toned, I kalkilate. Lena, You may tell him I am ready to receive him. {exit, l. Tom, {busying himself dusting the chairs and arra.nging the Jurni^ ture) Golly, dat gal's up to some tantrum or odder ; bet a muskeeter jshe gwine to play some o' her gimcrack?^ on Massa Dcrwent; hope she will, golly if I don't, {dusting chair) I jes' wish I was one o'dem. Hoosianists what knows how to disemfacture dem bombazines, I'd jes' fisticate one under dis cluiir an' gib Massa Dervvent an invite to sot hisself down, den gollies, I'd jes touch off dat yere bombazine an he'd be bio wed to kingdom come in free minutes an' a half, den. Miss Lena'd hold every ting, an' dis yere nigger nebber'dhab to tote hisself off -some where else. Enter Balpk dressed as a hunchback; vjears green patch over one eye, coughs violently, Balph, Well Sambo, what are you doing ? * Tom, Gollies, if here ain't de bery debbil liimself ! Balph, Why don't you answer, you stupid fellow? Tom, I'se mindin' my own biziness dat's what I'se doin', an' I'd jes' like ter know^ what you am here fer, you old skar-crow; what circus am you a side show fer? Balph, Well, you are impudence personified. Tom, Dat's a lie, I ain't neither; I'm a dispectable colored gemmen, an' ef you don't 'splain yerself in 'bout two minutes, I'll mash bof of ycr eyes, I ain't gwine to liab any tramps roun' in dis yere region. Balph. Well Sambo- Tom. My name ain't Sambo, I tell yer. Balph, What is it then? .7'om. Dat's fur you to find out; I was alius brung up to be pre- served before strangers, s'pose you'd like to git my name to put down to a thousand dolhu' cheek, wouldn't yer? Yer don't play dat on dis yere chile, no sah? Balph, I've a mind to kick you down stairs you black rascal. Tom, Yer jes' try it an' j^er'H hab to wear a patch ober dat odder eye o' yourn; ef yer don't git out o' here yer'll git dissected in no time; if its col' vittles you's after, why don't you gwine inter de kitchen an' not come palanderin' roun' de parlor abusifjdn' decent folks — git out o' dis I say. Enter Lena, k. Lena, What is the matter Tom ? Tom, I'se tryin' to keep peace an' dvlh dis yere rascal out ob de house. Balph, Madam, T am Mr. Dor went, nephew of the deceased mis- tress of this house. Lena, (aside) Good heavens, this can't be Mr. Derwent! I would rather be a rag-picker all my days, than marry such a hideous man, but I'll carry out the farce now I've begun. TIT FOR TAT. Tom, Gollies, you am Mr. Dervveiit, am you? I'd sooner tlnk you was de debbil. Halph, May I inquire if Miss Lsna Morley is at home? Lenu. (ass iunes a coarse, rude tone and manner, OAid shakes her head at Tom loho begins to laugh as soon as she speaks) Val now I Ivinder reckon she is. So yoo're Mr. Derwent be ye? Offering her hand) Here, give us your paw old feller. {Ralph draws back disdainfullij ) What, you won't shake hands? Guess ye don't know who I be do ye? I'm Lena Morley. Itnlph» (aside) Great heavens! Did Aunt Mary expect me to marry this harum-scMrum, rude, uncultivated heathen? I would rather relinquish every cent of the property, than to live with her half an hour. Tom. (aside) Guess he's gwine to faint ; don't tink he'll fall in iub wid Miss Lena. O, gollies, I knowed she was up to someting, hut what am she dribin' at? Lena, What ye thinkin' on? Xothin' very sweet I reckon judg- In' from your looks ; most fellers would look kinder jolly, if they was goin' to marry a good lookin' gal like me. Ralph, (cistde) I should think they would, {to Lena) Who said anything nbout getting married ? Lena. Vfhy don't you know? You've got to marry me sure pop, an' I'm mighty glad on it, 'cos I've ben tryin' to ketch a feller for a long time, but somehow or other, I never could hitch onto one. Ralph. ( aside) I don't wonder that you couldn't. Tom. (aside) What'U dat gal do iiex'? {to Lena) Say, Miss Lena; ef you's gwine to marry for beauty j-ou's fotched it this time, he's a stunner dat's a fac' ; got a lun}p on his back big enuf for nine camels, an' den such lUbly eyes! Ralph. You impudent scoundrel ! Lena, (crossly) There Tom, hold your tongue and go down stairs an' stay there till I holler for ye, do ye ht-ar? Tom. {aside) I believe she's gone teetotelum crazy; I'llgojes' far enutF so's I kin listen, dis conversation is very entertaining. ( 7^om hides at side scene Lena. Vai now, I'm rale glad .you'voocome along; you ain't han- sum, that's a iact, but then a gal might do* wus,l s'pose. (Ralph coughs violently) My stars whar a cough you've got; you won't live long with that graveyard hack hangin' onto ye. Ralph. Well, Miss Lena, you are the most impertinent young lady I ever saw. Lena, Seein' as you've tramped all over the world I s'pose I musc be kind of a curiosity, ain't I ? But look a here, when do you intend to git spliced ? I'm ready any time you are. Say now, don't you think 'twould be better to put a pink patch over that eye, I don't think green is very becoming to your complexion do you? Ralph. There Miss, I have heard enough of your impertinence; will retire to my room. Will you meet me here in an hour, and we will settle this disagreeable will affair ? Lena. Yes, of course I will ; anything to oblige you. (exit Ralph, R. Oh dear, what have I done ! How dreadful to make fun of one so unfortunate. What happiness can all this money bring to him, a hunchback as he is. How thankful I am that nature" gave me ^health and strength. Ought I to covet his money? I am heartily TIT FOR TAT, 7 ashamed of my unladylike conduct and will do all in my power in atonement. Tliis very iiioment I'll write liim a letter confessing my rudeness and asking pardon. {exit l. Tom, {comes from his hiding-place) 1 seen de whole show, had a perserved seat in de bargin. Dat was fine, no mistake; Miss Lena am a daisy, she am, dat's a fac'. Golly didn't his dander riz, thought he^d eat her sure as Dixey ; dat yere nose ob his'n cireumlated 'bout free feet in de air ; guess he nebber seed sech a genteel lady afore, how she did talk and holler, wasn't she a fine plcter, bust a button otF my vest lalFin' at her. Jes' like ter know what's a gwine ter be done next, guess I'll find out. {exit l. Enter Balph, r., vrith note in his hand, Balph, Well here's a pretty scrape truly ! I'm caught in my own trap. How laughable that Doth of us should try the same plan and how i:>rettily she apologizes — this dainty note forms a strong con- trast to her recent appearance. I wonder what she is really like^ and shall I fancy her? Imagine her astonishment when she sees me in my own attire. How^ comicyl I must have looked in that disguise. Some one comes. Enter Tom, l. — It's that black rascal, I wonder if he'll know me. Tom, Tunderation, if here ain't aniidder feller prowlin' roun* sure's you're born. Say, look here you feller, who am you? Balph, {aside) He don't know me. {to Torn) Have you never seen me before Tom ? Tom, {loalks all aroiind him, star in rj at him from head to foot) Wal boss, don't tink I eber seed you, but tinkslseed you're picter once^ gollies I'se svu-e I did, it was jes' like you, 'twas in de Rogue's Gal- lery in New York — I'se sure 'twas you. Balph, (aside^ The sUipid fool ! {aloud) 'No, you are mistaken Tom, it was somewhere else you sasv me. Tom, (thinking a moment) l\se got it now boss, Fse got it, you am de feller what was disrested for stealing Zeke Jones' hens^, dat's who you am, I knows for siu'e. Balph, No, you stuj^id fellow, I was never in Zeke Jones' hen yard in my life. Tom, Dat's a fac', you didn't get inside 'cos Zeke cotched yer jes' as yer w^as gwine to pull out de ole yaller hen, an' — Balph, I believe yon are the most ignorant man I^-ver saw* Enter Lena, l. — Miss Lena! Lena, Sir, you have the advantage, I expected to meet Mr. Der- went here. Tom, Shouldn't tink you'd want ter see him again Miss Lena; he am de lubliest man dat eber looked like a monkey ; if I'se 5'ou Td put him on de shelf for a ornament. Lena, Tom, you^may leave the room, when yon are needed T will call you. s TIT FOR TAT. Tom* {aside) Gollies, I'se got ter take a back seat in dis show. ( exU^ It. Lena, ^N'ovv, sir, I will listen toyoii. Ralph. You saj^ you expected to meet Mr. Derwent, nor shall you be disappointed, he is before you. Xena. Sir ? Balph, I received 3^our note releasing me from the engagement my aunt made for us, and apologizing for your part in our little farce, now I, too, have a confession to make similar to your own. My aunt\s wishes provoked me and I came to you in disguise, you know ; the rest. Now Ralph Derwent comes to you as he realh^ is, and asks 3^our forgiveness, is it given ? Lena, Most freely sir. {aside) I am not at all inclined to break the conditions of the will now. Balph, {aside)' How charming she is! I hope she will be as ready to marry me now as she was a few moments ago. ' (to Lena) jSTow I refuse to release you from the conditions of Aunt Mary's will and claim the fulfilment of her wishes, not from any mercenary motives, but because I have experienced what is know as ^*love at first sight.'' Do I plead in vain I Lena, (rjiving him her hand) I am^ inclined to think aunt's whim as we have called it, a very nice one. Balph, {laughinghj) And are you still anxious to ^ketch a feller ?' Lena. O, sir, please don't repeat those foolish words. Can you ever forgive me ? Balph. Do I look angry? We have only played an excellent game of TIT FOR TAT. Ames' Plays— Continued. 0 NO. M. V. 55 Somebody's Nobody 3 2 94 16,000 Years Ago 3 0 2 3 Sport with a Sportsman ... 2 0 79 SpyofAtlnnta, 25c 14 3 92 Stage S ruck Darkey 2 I 10 Stocks Up, Stocks Down.. 2 0 137 Taking the Census 1 I 62 Ten Nights in Bar-Room 7 3 64 That Bi)y Sam 3 1 40 That Mysterious B'd e ... 2 2 38 The Bewitched Closet 5 2 87 The Biter Bit 5 2 101 The Coming Man 3 1 67 The False Friend 6 1 97 The Fatal Blow 7 1 119 The Forty-Niners 10 4 93 The Gentleman in Black 9 4 112 The New Magdalen .... 8 3 118 The Popcorn Man 3 1 71 The Reward of Crime 5 3 NO. M. F. 16 The Serf 6 3 68 The Sham Professor 4 0 6 The Studio 3 0 102 Turn of the Tide 7 4 54 The Two T. J's 4 2 7 The Vow of the Ornani ..8 1 28 Thirty-three nxt Brithd'y 4 2 108 Those Awlul Boys 5 0 63 Three Glasses a Day 4 2 105 Through Snow and Sun- shine 6 4 4 Twain's Dodging 3 1 5 When Women Weep 3 2 121 Will-o'-the-Wisp 9 4 56 Wooing Under Difficulties 4 3 41 Won at Last 7 3 70 Which will he Marry 2 8 58 Wrecked 9 3 111 Yankee Duelist 2 2 Wilkiiis' Amateur Dramas. Designed for the use of schools, amateur entertainments, etc. This volume contains the following plays: Rock Allen the Orphan, or Lost and Found ; Three Glasses a Day, or the Broken Home; Mother's Fool ; The Reward of Crime, or the Love of Gold ; The Coming Man; The Turn of the Tide, or Wrecked in Port; Hash. Neatly hound in cloth, price 75 cents. Happy Franlt's Comic Soiig: and Joke Boolt.— Contains a choice collection of original songs, joke.^, conundrums, stamp speeches, etc. It also contains one complete Dutch sketch, one negro farce, and one negro sketch. Fifteen cents per copy. Please Bememljer that we can fill your orders for any play, dialogue book, speaker, guide book, piece of music, or anything in the line of amateur supplies such as wigs, beards, mustaches, face powders, paints, colored fires, lightning — in a word, anything you may find yourself in need of. We shall be ready to answer your letters of inquiry at any time, and invite correspondence. In remitting please send a postal note, or a money order, where they can be obtained, or small amounts may be sent in one or two cent postage stamps. Address A. D. AMES, Pub., Clyde, Ohio. Latest Publications, I^EW PLATS-lo CENTtS EACH. THE EMIGRANTS DA UGHTER. -A border drama in 3 acts, by Len. Ellsworth Tilden, 8 males, 3 females, Time of playing 2 hours. This drama is replete with startling situations, thrilling incidents, and is interesting from beginning to end. Every character is good, and beside the leading characters, include Indians, Coyotes, etc. A comedy — a party who is a professor of phrenology, will keep an audience in roars of laughter. There are also two good Irish comedy parts. See synopsis of in- cidents below. —SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS.— ACT FIRST. — Coyotes in camp, the Cottrell emigrant train. Prairie Spirit causes surprise and fear, "a thousand dollars for the solving of the mystery," attack by the Indians, Skipp in a fix. Black Eagle's vow, compact of Devine and Budgett, the prairie on fire. Home of the Cottrells, Budgett laying his plans, a little rifle practice, Budgett departs for the Coyote camp, "to-night the attack shall be made," Skipp skips in, phrenology discussed, Bridgett's dander is up, "tell me I'm lousy will ye? examination of Patrick's head, "he hangs his banner on the outer walls," engagement of Minnie and Fynes, the Prairie Spirit appears, the camp attacked, "for life and liberty." ACT SECOND. — Prisoners, Fynes buried alive, "he will be a kind of headstone to the Cottrell settlement," Devine swears to marry Minnie, her scorn, Fynes left alone to die, Skipp safe and a skipping, thinks the buried man a ghost, rescue of Fynes, appearance of the Prairie Spirit, Skipp offers to examine ker head, "well she is the first woman I ever saw who wouldn't wag her jaw — a good woman to marry," Black Eagle on the trail, a mop solo, capture of Devine, torture at the stake, the Spirit appears, on the trail, a father's grief, "light dawns," Skipp lec- % tures on phrenology, examination of heads, Skipp recognized as a former minister, he is detained to marry Devine to Minnie, "I am an American — in detaining me you insult the American flag." ACT THIRD. — Minnie's despair, the traitor, hope faised to be banished, foiled, the forced marriage, "when Daniel Devine comes for his intended bride he shall find a bride of death," the strange letter, hope again, trouble in the Coyote camp, * a duel between Budgett and Devine, death of Budgett, Skipp tries to skip per- forming the marriage ceremony bat ween Devine and Minnie, "according to the laws of phrenology you are not mated to wed together," the Prairie Spirit, divorced by death, story of the Prairie Spirit, Black Eagle revenged, "all peace now — Great Spirit smile on the Eiiiif/i'