THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY From the collection of Julius Doerner, Chicago Purchased, 1918. e>o&s 4^- LRMRY OF THE UNIVERSITy OF ILUNOIS Reproduced by the lypogtaphic EUhing Coy. ...from a Photograph by Walery, 164. Regent St. "/ HAVE NOW HIT UPON A VERY HAPPY THOUGHT." Happy Thoughts. "ifhrVY TitOUGitTS" F\o^ ''qM%. tuo^h'S'' traces ROSIE BURNAND. ILLUSTRATED. LONDON : BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE ST., E.G. LONDON : BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, VVHITEFRIARS. (WHOSE WORK HAS BEEN A LABOUR OF LOVE). You say it needs a preface? Well, so be it, Though, the necessity — I do not see it. A preface to a birthday book — who needs it? A preface writ to any book — who reads it ? You as a " happy thought " exclaim, ^' Indite one 1 A "Happier thought" inspires me— Don't write one." If in this Birthday Book, to suit all sorts, Appropriate lines there be from Happy Thoughts," And other works, to raise a smile and laugh, Just for a leisure second and a half, Then you have your reward, — and as for me, I sign myself — Yours ever, F. C. B. October, 69613^ * ^ " * Hitting Each object with a joy: the counterchange Is severally in all. Shakspeare. JANUARY 1. I ALWAYS find somebody else's clothes suit me better than my own. She is of an impulsive, warm- hearted disposition, and generally speaking would rather like talking than not. JANUARY 2. He is undoubtedly a fine young English gentleman, all of the very modernest time. Leave her alone. Suggestive of Little Bo-peep. Let her alone, She'll, going from home, Leave lots of things behind her. JANUARY 3. Whatever the time of year, however dull the day, he has always a bright flower in his button-hole. Her cheeks are such posies, no redder you'll find. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, JANUARY 1. ^^^^arxd. ...r^^^ Paradise," arouses suspicion. I hate inhospitality. JANUARY 24. If you are anything of a lover, the mention of a brother does chill your ardour. " Ladies do conduct their own cases," she observed with dignity. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. JANUARY 25. Every woman in London had sent him something wherewith to ornament his rooms. j^'i,^. Being suddenly placed in this "^'//': position the ordinary calm of her life seemed to have vanished. JANUARY 26. He is a professional diner-out. Not that he is asked out for his beautiful notes or his brilliant chattering powers ; no, he is simply asked " to make o?te,^^ She is a flirt. JANUARY 27. I OWN to being a little nervous. She has the small upward- turned nose of a person who is passing through Cologne, or through a back street in the Seven Dials in the hottest summer-time. JANUARY 2 8. A LARGE-HEARTED, generous fellow, who keeps open bed- room for friends. The pleasantest way of seeing a "throw off" is to be seated, comfortably, in a trap, drawn by a horse that iuo7iH start at anything. JANUARY 2 9. He sang wisely but not well. He has, too, a conversational method all his own. " O beautiful one ! O unhappy one ! how strangely art thou mistaken ! " JANUARY 3 0. When once you've started him at what he calls " wiring,'' he generally does it three or four times a day. I must inform you she's a priceless pearl. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. JANUARY 31. He is full of snatches of various melodies, no one of which he ever gives in a com- plete form. He was invariably dressed in silks and satins. " One cannot always be lively.'" FEBRUARY 1. He has a brisk crisp manner. A prominent man, carrying it as it were all before him, or certainly nearly all. She has been photographed a thousand times. FEBRUARY 2. A MAN of extreme fancy and great ingenuity. He wouldn't hurt a fly, though perhaps he would draw the line at bluebottles ; which is excusable. If she only would be less the impulsive child of nature. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. FEBRUARY 3. He had two spindle - shankian legs. Dick Turpinon horseback cleared a turnpike gate ; so could I — with a ticket. ^' There are very few things I can't do : in music at least.'' FEBRUARY 4. He has stayed on the spot for some years, having adopted chamber-practice, but I never yet heard of any client attempting to find him there. She has never yet been to sea. FEBRUARY 5. He was a little, short, pudgy fat fellow, all suetty. His voice takes you entirely by surprise, it is so small, but at the same time so sweet. " Oh," she said, " I am very foolish, I know." 24 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 27 FEBRUARY 9. His religion/' he said merrily, ^4aught him charity, and he always made allowances for everybody.'' He doesn't talk. You are very fond of gaiety. FEBRUARY 10. He's a good fellow after all, only he oughtn't to talk about what he doesn't understand. He doesn't talk much, but he hums a good deal to himself. O well-fed, much-caressed one ! '' FEBRUARY 11. It never struck him that having nothing to live upon was an obstacle to marriage. Fancy there is some poetic feeling in me. " She has such beauty," said Porcupine thoughtfully, as would calm a tempest." HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 28 FEBRUARY 9. FEBRUARY 10. FEBRUARY 11. FEBRUARY 12. He was ever gentle and affable. But there is no depending upon the whims and fancies of this soft, undulating, plump dumphng-like girl, who is fasci- nating all round. FEBRUARY 13. He is formed by nature for a drawing-room low comedian. " I'm no great hand at notes ; I almost always i)lav by ear!'' I suppose I must look unhappy. FEBRUARY 14. He sings in a high but not positively unmusical voice. He will cross Waterloo ; Bridge, or any other where payment is de- ' manded, at his friend's expense. May I ?" She does not move. " I may?'' . . I do. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 30 FEBRUARY 12. FEBRUARY 13. FEBRUARY 14. FEBRUARY 15. He has a mode of his own for dress, which, by some happy instinct, is never strikingly fashionable, nor strikingly out of the fashion. You would say, after some consideration, that he is well-dressed. For upon herself it rested as to any life she led. FEBRUARY 16. He married a virtuous young woman, and in her society experienced a far less degree of tranquillity than generally falls to the lot of man. To pine mentally and grow stout physically would be the most unsatisfactory state of existence. " You're so altered." FEBRUARY 17. His eyes, of a hquid hazel softness, were chastened by long silky lashes. I've never seen with such rare charms and graces, So fresh a face. ^ ^ HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, FEBRUARY 15. FEBRUARY 16. FEBRUARY 17. FEBRUARY 18. He had been brought up as an Irishman, but had not seen his country for years. "She looks as if she'd peppered herself with gunpowder before she came out." FEBRUARY 19. Farmers won't have him because he's only half a man. Some people would call him stout ; some wouldn't say comfortable. She is a big, powerful woman. FEBRUARY 2 0. He is neither handsome nor ugly. A Guardsman's chambers are always rather more luxurious than the boudoir of a Duchess. . . . She's all you can desire, She doesn't wish to aim at male attire. 34 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. FEBRUARY 18. FEBRUARY 19. FEBRUARY 20. FEBRUARY 21. He is always playing the same tune, that is, as much as he knows of it. To be a Blonde, however, she thought would suit her better. She was radiant as the morn- ing. FEBRUARY 2 2. He evidently means to be winning. I quite approve of masterly inaction." A soft manner deprecates wrath, and a smile in time saves frowns. FEBRUARY 23. Hang it,'' he says to his intimate friends, " Tm not a buffoon, am I ? " O my Jo ! goodness knows ! I eat no-sing at all." She is shy, and simpers. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. FEBRUARY FEBRUARY FEBRUARY FEBRUARY 2 4. I CONSIDER it safer to give my- self out as a bad sailor, on the chance of turning out a remark- ably good one. A young lady, who is always, according to her own account, either ^'shrieking" or ^'screaming" with exuberant merriment. FEBRUARY 2 5. The greenness was in his eye, the downiness on his upper lip. For he is supposed to know all about the Drama, past and present, and generally to be a very clever fellow. She's false and fickle, just like all the rest. FEBRUARY 2 6. If he only keeps out of mischief we'll make something of him. " I have always heard," my aunt observes, " that cham- pagne is an excellent thing for a cold." HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. FEBRUARY 24. FEBRUARY 25. FEBRUARY 26. FEBRUARY 2 7. He is nothing, if not musical. An inspired man pays no regard to the probabilities of danger. Banknotes, she supposes, will go everywhere. FEBRUARY 2 8. He likes a-hearing a bell ring, and has a Sunday hat, but they don't convey to his mind any distinct notion of what time of day it is. A very fresh-looking, bright pretty girl. He is so neat in himself that he wouldn't even cock his hat on one side, not on account of the raffish look, but be- cause it would put his entire self, as it were, out of the perpendicular. Note that generally everyone is pleased at getting thinner. FEBRUARY 2 9. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. FEBRUARY 27. FEBRUARY 28. FEBRUARY 29. MARCH 1. The constant use of a stick as a support gave to his whole bearing an air of feebleness. Her experience of men of the world were of the *^ veni^ vidi^ vici " order. Stoutness is a coming event that casts its shadow before it. MARCH 2. A SHARP-LOOKING, funny little man, looking as if he had been taken directly off a German bon-bon box. She is intelligent and sweet looking. MARCH 3. He will tell you he has "an eye for colouring.'' Which eye it is he doesn't say. But, if I want a horse, the person we most avoid is a dealer in horses. Why "What a fine girl!" 42 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, MARCH 1. MARCH 2. MARCH 3. MARCH 4. He doesn't know what nervousness is, and as for ill -health he appears simply ^' unable to understand it. Had she, who made even women's natural enemies, the serpents, dance to her piping, at length found the serpent _j who was to pipe to /ier dancing ? MARCH 5. He was not more conceited, more dissipated, more self- indulgent, or secretlier fonder of nuts, preserved fruits, and sweet things at dessert after the ladies have gone, than are most men. " If you wish to argue this with mamma" MARCH 6. " I THINK I shall cut farces, and play nothing but serious parts. Serious with a dash of sentiment in them. There's a deuced pretty girl, eh ? " HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 44 MARCH 4. MARCH 5. MARCH 6. 45 MARCH 7. He has never heard of either a pew-opener or a beadle. And is never funnier than when he is seriously annoyed. She insists upon enquiring of various railway officials at every station, " Do we change here? " MARCH 8. " If his standard of taste is correct, and it is admitted by all his friends and enemies to be admirable and nearly perfect, what is not up to his standard," he argues, " comes short of it, and is not correct ; that is, is incorrect." " Am I not an arch thing ? MARCH 9. I HAVE often found that knowing nothing of gardening I have made such suggestions to gardeners as have perfectly staggered them by their originality, and they have hastened to adopt them. Not happy ! married to a millionaire ! Look at your dress, and think of what you were / ^^^^ ^^^^^^ ^-^^ HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MARCH 10. A MAGNIFICENTLY Ugly man. He is always diffident in opening up a suggestion. She appears to me a trifle too volatile. MARCH 11. A TALL man, far over the average height, and truly burly in proportion, weighing thirty stone if he weighed a pound. The greatest invention of the Age would be a buttonless costume entire. The Buttonless Man ! Tm certainly Fragile, on board a ship. MARCH 12. " TvE heard John's friends say that he can write a comedy, but I've heard them add that they hope he w^on't." I am afraid after all she is frivolous. 48 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK.^ MARCH 10. MARCH 11. MARCH 12. MARCH 13. " I AM not a wiper. I have no venom." After all one must have female society. Yet when she went to dance among the village children, she stood like a wall-flower. MARCH 14. His voice was soft and low as the tone of a muffled fog- horn. She's the girl to make you stare, And wears her own hair, The lovely locks o' Natur*. I tell her that one cannot always be talking, and that one ought to think, and think deeply, sometimes. MARCH 15. Only those who know themselves can nod to themselves as acquaintances ; seldom as friends. " Lor' bless you, there are few doctors who could pose Costume at the seaside is everything, especially at Cowes, where you are nothing if not nautical. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MARCH 13. MARCH 14. MARCH 15. MARCH 16. His eyes were as sharp as he was himself —in fact they were his pupils. He is immense in light and shade. She was a very pretty girl, and as good as she was pretty. MARCH 17. . A LITERARY man and a philosopher should be large-hearted. People seem to think that Fm always going about with a white hat and hiding in a cupboard, or sitting on somebody's bonnet in a bandbox. Idiots ! " A fresh-coloured person with fair hair. MARCH 18. A BIG, powerful figure, deep-chested, clean-limbed, thin- flanked. Never stop too long at a friend's house, or they won't regret your leaving. To judge of her prettiness you had to look at her. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MARCH 16. MARCH 17. MARCH 18. MARCH 19. I AM attracted towards him by his perpetual grin. Lor', talk of country and beau- tiful views, you only want to know London well, and you'd never care about going out of it. Ah ! if poets only knew when to halt, how many halting lines should we be annually spared. MARCH 2 0. He was dressed in full jockey costume, including armour- plates. That if they had nothing, she was exactly the person to economize, and make the most of that tremendous income. MARCH 21. He is now perfectly harmless. He is always astonishing people with his voice, and the older he gets the more— by his own account— he astonishes them. He may sneer, but he is still in love with me, and madly jealous. 54 MARCH 19. MARCH 2 0. MARCH 21. MARCH 22. He is known every- where as a mimic, a marvellous mimic. She seemed as if she had lived among the flowers, and had grown up like them, only not so green. MARCH 23. Never judge a man by his merely taking lodgings in London for the season. Is she like this (I mean all eyes and conundrums) with everyone ? MARCH 2 4. I SET him down at once as a rude unpolished man. I think I remember his face, but not his grin. So agreeable, so kind, so lively. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, MARCH 25. He is not a marrying man, but they think he is, and the wish is father to the thought, for he's worth catching. Equal spaces between each bou- quet so that each gentleman shall recognise his own gift and be happy. MARCH 26. Even savage natures have their hours ot melancholy ; after meals. There's a smack of frivohty about her manner now that 1 don't like. MARCH 27. ^' Mark my words ! One of these days that man will do something wrong." She would flirt with any one, even with the Man at the Wheel. She's as flighty and jerky as a kite. 58 MARCH MARCH MARCH MARCH 28. ^ girl, and really fond of parish work. It isn't every cross- country man that has a good seat on a donkey. She is a dear good MARCH 29. I WISH I could say I was an ambassador. To come out in a light suit is not a crime. Rings flashed and coruscated again and again, lighting her taper fingers. I PROTEST, Sir, it seems nobler to let others discover for themselves the author of a great work, than- that he should deprive himself of additional merit by declaring his own excellence. She opens her eyes archly. MARCH 30. 6o HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, MARCH 28. MARCH 29. MARCH 30. MARCH 31. I LIKE being hearty with people. The handsomest of young guards- men. She is enthusiastic on the sub- ject of the weather. APRIL 1. O YOU April fool.'' The result of familiarity with a waiter must be sixpence. I didn't know I was fond of playing the fool. APRIL 2. He would in other and happier times have made an admirable executioner to the Vehmgericht, or to any secret tribunal, where an imposing appearance and great physical strength were less an object than secresy and despatch. You are so satirical. 62 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. AP R I L 3. We all agree that he is a treasure. When in doubt as to relation- ships, mention surnames only. Why on earth will she always say "Why?" APRIL 4. The big, gentleman-like looking man in light clothes. Truth compels him to own he is not the man I took him for. As to her hair, it's done up with one twist behind hke the small top of a cottage loaf. APRILS. Rumour says your hands are to be tied at your marriage. If so, how will you put on the ring ? Sympathetic Fascinators meeting for the first time. There's a something about her that attracts me. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK 64 APRIL APRIL APRIL APRIL Yes, there's about me, as the girls all do say, A "Jenny say quaw," do you know, as Parley-Voos say. It is SQ difficult to explain to a woman the difference between poHcy and hypocrisy. APRIL 7. He was so strong, so good, so persevering. He is fond of alluding to himself as " Anyone " and " One.'' "You are crying. Are you never merry when you hear sweet music ? " APRIL Are we the creatures of our own impulses, or are our own impulses the creatures of our- selves ? Is this love at first sight, or not ? . . . Sleep on it — several times— and decide in a week. " Can you resist my arch- ness ? " HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 66 APRIL APRIL APRIL APRIL 9. He sees to the bottom of a mine,* and cautiously keeps his money out of it. My life seems to be cast among railway officials. I don't like that smile. APRIL 10. I WISH I could do what heroes in novels do. Within her soul there was suddenly revealed to her a bottomless depth-a wild, mad, reckless fervour of passion to which all her past girlish pleasures in ices, jam, tarts, rolls and cauliflowers were but as a drop of summer dew to the tempestuous upheavings of old ocean's stormy bosom. Put everything down to my Aunt. APRIL 11. The idea of walking about with the girl whom you secretly love and doing nothing but sing comic songs ! Her hands were like broad, shady palms. A story in three volumes where one would have sufficed is like a brand-new lead pencil. You've got to bring out the point with a good deal of cutting. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, APRIL 9. APRIL 10. APRIL 11. APRIL 12. He is also painfully self-con- scious : as self-conscious as is a man with an iron-mould on his evening shirt-front, or a middle button off his dress waistcoat at an evening party. A young and lovely brunette. APRIL 13. A MAN who is worsted is only fit for a penwiper. As a solicitor he is supposed to have lost a great deal of business through his voice. What a cheerful disposition, and what a constitution 1 APRIL 14. No one knew his name. He himself, had he been asked? could not have remembered it. Art was her unconscious life. 70 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, APRIL APRIL APRIL APRIL 15. His motto, in fact, is that of ready-money dealers— " No credit given to anybody." Never ask a friend's opinion on one's original MS. Ah, sir ! such soft eyes ! We want a new Act requiring intelligible pronunciation of the names of stations from Railway Porters. APRIL 16. He is a mischief-maker, for he promulgates his half-eyed opinions as certainties. 'Twas as a sailor I have always wooed her. Will she too expand ? and, ahem !-take after her mother? APRIL 17. ''I AM what the world calls a woman-hater ; what some call a woman-despiser ; what / call a philosopher." A Donkey will graze unconcernedly within three inches of the edge of a fatal precipice. She is fond of literature. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 72 APRIL 18. A woman not old, not young, not middle-aged ; neither all here nor all there ; a mistress of arts and graces. "A FOOL and his luggage are soon parted." APRIL 19. He used to be fond of attributing all apparently good actions to selfishness. The worst man in the world has some one to care for him. A clever woman's opinion is worth a great deal. He had a kink in his moral and physical being, and couldn't go straight. On my w^ord, a handsome milkmaid. Only get a sharp medical man to take up the subject, write an essay on Buns, start the Bun Cure and make ten thousand a year easily. APRIL 2 0. 74 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, APRIL 18. APRIL 19. APRIL 20. APRIL 21. He never from his bench would budge Until, at last, he was a judge. She said in her laughing, modest way, " I am better than the fuchsia, for there are few shy-er than I am anywhere.'' APRIL 2 2. Men never resist any temptation as long as there is no one to tell of them, and as long as their pocket isn't affected. 'Dicky Diet's' your man. Take Matthew Mutton, well done, hot. Victoria Vegetable's not a bad girl in moderation. Finish up with little Tommy Tonic. ' Picking up ' is what the Colonel wants. " So you're not married yet ? " APRIL 23. I CAN'T help thinking how very disappointed they must be in me as a very humorous person. No one knows my name. Most amiable and charming of hostesses. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, APRIL APRIL APRIL \Jm ones / APRIL 2 4. He affected age and the wisdom of experience ; would generally assist a friend with the best possible advice, on which /le could never act were the case in question his own. She is very pleasant, stately. APRIL 25. He zs very stylish, very. At sea there ought to be Refreshment Vessels moored like Lightships. Barmaids on board —might call them Mermaids — and colours flying. One good place for them evident — Bass's Straits. Do we get less wise as we become less foolish, or is our diminishing folly but a consequence of an increasing wisdom? APRIL 2 6. At every sort of sport Tm great, But yet, alas ! I cannot skate. Her aunt, who had married the Russian Prince, Stepitoff, accompanied her eveiywhere, except on *lie piano. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 78 APRIL 27. He did everything a little, and nothing well or for long. She invariably commences J, with a mild sigh, as if your 'Jj enquiry or remark had P awakened painful recollections. APRIL 2 8. For though, from his magnificent constitution, he could sit up nigh^fter night, he never by any chance sat down. Good gracious ! s/ie doesn't want eye-glasses. Politeness (from a Railway Guard) costs something. APRIL 29. " Just like me," he said to himself remorsefully, " always choking or shooting somebody. I must give it up." Better to feel, interiorly, superior to prejudice, and say nothino:. So HAPPY THOUGHTS' BIRTHDAY BOOK. APRIL 27. APRIL 29. APRIL 3 0. A REFINED nature detests anything broad — even daylight. A friend congratulated him on "quitting Grub Street." She had a wonderful memory for the events of her early life. MAY 1. I CAN'T help remarking this universally, that whenever a person, no matter who he may be, has anything to say or do about horses he instantly becomes more or less knowing in his manner. On the first of May she came out as a Columbine. MAY 2. When he is giving you reminiscences of operas, he is knowing enough never to give one entire ; but only a fragment of it as far as his chords will go. It is my role in life to play the piano while others are dancing. 82 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. APRIL MAY MAY MAY 3. FiGUREZ-VOUS a portly gentleman, brown as walnut-juice, dark black hair, moustache and beard. A handsome widow who holds converse sweet and low with a gentle High-church Dove-like Coo-rate, whose large black wide-awake is the nearest approach he can procure to the picturesque eccle- siastical hat of the Spanish or Belgian priests. MAY 4. And I, sir, am a simple hunter, though you would not come at that knowledge seeing me without my pack. If there is one thing above another she enjoys, it is a Rehearsal. A wild-looking woman with a fat umbrella and tracts is something to be avoided. MAY 5. A SPLENDID, handsome, idiotic man, an innocent cherubic, yet stalwart beauty. He's stopped too long in the wine cellar— a little tasting is a dangerous thing. She is half a head taller than I am, and peculiarly elegant and lady-like. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 84 MAY 3. MAY 4. MAY 5. MAY 6. It is so difficult to recollect a good story when you come home late at night, and write it down. Washed out females with hair like birds' nests, in brick- dust gowns of severest classic pattern. MAY 7. My nature is, I am sure, originally frank and trustful ; but looking out for a horse will, I am sure, even at this early stage, embitter my life. If we cannot all be saints, we can all be sinners. MAY 8. If he doesn't understand a thing at once he dismisses it with a " pooh." What a fine profession a Thinker's might be. Say two thousand a year to Think, only to Think, not to speak, or write, or do anything. She tried to amuse herself with books, but she could not read. 86 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MAY 6. MAY 7. MAY 8. MAY 9. What a capital doctor I should have made, as far as giving advice is concerned ! Farewell, a long farewell, to all imbibing. She wears half a veily concealing the lower portion of her face, and the top of her nose. MAY 10. " You get him to sing to you ' The little Pig jumped over the wall,' it's capital, he does the squeak and everything." An Unprotected First Class Female is a crown to her guard, or half a crown at least. MAY 11. A MAN of great science and considerable research. One Sandwich does not make a luncheon. Though it might, if big enough. It was a face that an old master might have painted ; it was a face that she herself, without being an old master, could paint to perfection. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 88 MAY 9. MAY 10. MAY 11. MAY 12. He is great in "dodges/' and appa- rently there is not a single subject he is not well up in. Worth any lot of notes are those sweet looks ! O ! but did you see her gloves ! such a fit ! MAY 13. He is suffering from an entirely new illness, which, on the homoeopathic principle, has driven out the other. Assuming a sort of patient worn expression like a Mariana in a moated grange, who had never told her love, but held her stupid tongue, and then married somebody else. Her tacit invitation is a smile. The address she puts on you may read in her eyes. It travels swifter than the swiftest telegram, and the answer paid is a smile. Must have some object in view, or should never take any exercise. He's a sly dog, and on the best possible terms with the cat. She has a Dutch roundness, qui fiest pas le fromage^ where the outline should be fine and classical. MAY 14. 90 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MAY 12. MAY 13. MAY 14. MAY 15. Being a boy of studious j habits, was apprenticed to a il travelling lecturer. Pv% As to his character, 'tis not a fh- bad one. ^ Sure, good or bad, I niver knew he had one. Sea-sickness is a cure for the heartache. MAY 16. In recounting your own grievances never try to be unpre- judiced, no one gives you credit for candour. A ripe scholar should never go in for an examination, as the riper he is the more certain is he to be plucked. This is a paradox. A pretty woman who is always saying " Why ? in a childish fashion is simply irritating. Other people's collars and shirts always seem made for me. It is a capital plan to look in the glass and study your own different expressions of countenance : what you have always thought was a fascinating smile you may discover to be only a vulgar leer. In a woman coquetry is natural. It is the expression of amiable indecision. MAY 17. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 92 MAY 15. MAY 16. MAY 18. And, indeed, could render him- self so generally agreeable that he was beloved not only by all who knew him, but by everyone who had only heard of him. She is delightfully chatty. MAY 19. Not that his nose is long : on the contrary ; that is, I mean it is rather short. It is an ordinary nose. I know, sir, what faults to avoid. MAY 20. Every article of his attire was plain and simple. His red and white cheeks being at his age the external signs of inward happiness and rude health. We will sit like two dam.ozels in purple and green, — and be intense. 94 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MAY 18. MAY 19. MAY 20. MAY 21. The gay, lounging, butterfly bachelor. German was probably in- vented by someone trying to learn Welsh. She kept little useless pans in various niches, on shelves, in ledges anywhere, where she could see and reverence them. MAY 2 2. According to him, no one ever did anything in literature or art without asking his advice. Freemasonry is no safeguard in horse-dealing. She speaks without any action and generally statuesquely. MAY 2 3. I TRIED to Stop the horse. I couldn't — no. Could not cry stop ! UmUterable woa / She was entirely ignorant of the practical science of music, and did not know one note from another, but she swept her hands indiscriminately over the keys, and made such music as perhaps few, even proficient in the art, could have heard unmoved. 96 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MAY MAY MAY She was goddess-like, quite a little dea. me. " From this time forth I shall cultivate nothing but reason, philo- sophy, and " " And farming." MAY 2 4. Still there's a chance even for MAY 25. You wouldn't stop in the street and say, " What a nose that fellow has ! " It is not given to every man to win a Derby even once in a lifetime. She was not like other girls. His face, which is broad and round, and with a very uneven surface, is expressive of chronic astonishment at everything and everybody. It is dangerous to give way to a sudden burst of hospitality. MAY 26. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK MAY 24. MAY 25. MAY 2 6. MAY 27. And so he had not had a linen-draper's bill for years. When you are walking about with anyone you really care about, it's a very diffi- cult thing to use a pocket- handkerchief with anything like grace. MAY 28. " Cleverness is not one of his strong points." No wife could be More fitter than she For a British navigator. MAY 29. Would any one imagine he could be a spiritualist ? Classical lover of high art as she is, yet is she, when occasion offers, simply a match-maker. I believe it's a feminine instinct. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. MAY 27. MAY 28. MAY 29. MAY 30. He could wait, he could sing, he could walk the tight rope and slack wire, and he could tell fortunes. When shall I be known in my true character ? MAY 31. I don't believe he was always like this. Here is my medal yes, the pledge I've taken. When she sang, the neighbours first stopped their ears, then their work, and then sent in to ask her not to go on any more, so ravishing was the sound. JUNE 1. " You're regularly running into fat." He was perpetually at the back-grounds of his pictures and never seemed to get forward. Stars, and pretcy women at a ball, don't show to advantage by daylight. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 102 MAY 30. MAY 31. JUNE 1. JUNE 2. He understood a variety of lan- guages, and when in a passion could speak most of them. You are so modest, so accom- plished, so gentle and so simple. JUNE 3. Consequently it is a nose which would escape in a crowd. It is neither Roman, nor Grecian, nor of any other order of Nasal Architecture. Am I all that the fancy of others paints me ? JUNE 4. He had demolished the elegance of his curls and had cut his own hair himself. A tall, ugly man. But many were envious of her good fortune and whispered that she told untruths. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 104 JUNE JUNE JUNE JUNE 6. He knew the world and its humour. He was worth four customers at least to his haberdasher in pocket-handkerchiefs. An uncommonly fine woman and not to be moved without a considerable amount of bustle. JUNE 7. I THINK I might have been a composer, if I'd never heard anybody else's tunes. He thought she was looking wan too. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. I06 JUNE 8. Winks serve him, I notice, instead of witti- cisms. There are some days when one finds it very- difficult to immediately follow thoughts with ac- tion. JUNE 9. His history is easily written. Oh dear ! If safe I get to shore, You'll never catch me on the sea no more. She has big grey eyes in which, at first sight, there appears a considerable amount of green. JUNE 10. He is a long young man, loosely put together as if he had been made gradually, and added to at different times when- ever there might have been some large bones to spare. I hate people who merely lounge about. io8 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. JUNE 8. ^ Tell him (as is the fact) he looks the picture of heahh, he ^ will smile at you and shake his puggy head. " Only the I picture^ my dear fellow/' he will reply, with a mournful \ enjoyment of his state, " only the picture, not the reahty." When the valse was first introduced it was a social revo- lution. JULY 7. He is always telling people what to do. She weeps with her eyes wide open and not bHnking for a second, and she never has a pocket-handkerchief to hand when wanted. 126 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. J U LY JULY J U LY JULY 8. glove I wear- He is not handsome J not a fairy prince in pink tights and a blue feather in a muffin cap. certainly. The study of law en- genders a habit of sus- picion. " You understand ? A -I never show my handP JULY 9. " FvE never heard anything against him.'' He professes an appetite ; but he calls it a deceptive sign. Man is made in moulds. Wherever I travel I recognise faces and figures of all nationalities, all evidently out of the same original moulds. JULY 10. A GENTLEMAN of whose literary fame youVe often heard, IVe no doubt. I understand living up to my income, but not up to my teapot. Her cold, chaste smile. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 128 JULY 8. JULY 9. JULY 10. JULY 11. He rubs his hands briskly while talking and smacks them with a sort of "flash" which a m conjuror gives to a pack when he y is going to show you the card ^ you choose, when he gives an 1 1 1| jlMi i ! llj^^ll'Tl' o^^acular opinion. ^^^3^// Politeness, like virtue, has its own reward. JULY 12. He has become somewhat melancholy of late, and says he is studying the phenomena of " Unconscious Cerebration." They've both got money. She has summed it all up and arranged it. She is so chubby. Nothing damps his ardour. He is, at all his meals, in a chronic state of poisoning and antidote. She is good at giving hints. But not at taking them. JULY 13. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 130 JULY 11. JULY 12. JULY 13. JU Y 14. To Mr. Barlow I owe these maxims, that it is better to be great than amiable, and more noble to be splendidly vicious than to be unostentatiously virtuous. She likes," she says, " riding cross country." JULY 15. He would have made a fortune with him as clown in " a ring." I wonder you don't take to a circus now. Her skin was as dazzlingly white as the crystal snow sugar that crowns the summit of the gateau du soir doiix- ihne. JULY 16. His nose was sharp, flat, and meaningless. " O, my ! what a born idiot you are ! " Laughing lips, and eyes beaming with good nature. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, JULY 14. JULY 15. JULY 16. JULY 17. I AM impetuous, and hate missing a train. I am a good person. There never was a better person : in fact, I am quite one of the best persons of my acquaintance. JULY 18. He imagines himself a poet— he can imagine anything. He won't hear, and he won't be moved. " And this little Goody-two-shoes, is she a sly-boots after all?" JULY 19. Professing to have travelled considerably himself, he doesn't like the idea of any one having done the same. " I do not want to dye yet." HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. JULY 17. JULY 18. JULY 19. JULY 20. "But," continues Mr. Trott, -*when it's about a horse, I wouldn't trust my own father.'' %5^^^U*'5^- 'I 5.^ He is of a despondent turn and appears to view any diffi- culty as insurmountable. She was wax but resolute. I always tell the truth Although sometimes it may appear uncouth. AUGUST 2. He is somewhat broad chested, but very narrow minded. When there are two lines for him to take, he can, according to his inclination, be either obtuse or acute. " This man has a betting-book in his pocket, and he knows more than meets the eye about two to one bar one." She is not made for a dull life. We are born for the sake of one another. Find out for You'll see timidity portrayed In my gazelle-like eye. AUGUST 3. whom you were born and stick to him. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 144 AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST 4. He smiles sadly, and seems to glide away. " Perhaps/' I said to myself, " he is playing at soldiers, why not? It is a harmless recrea- tion." She uttered these simple words, " I am a poor little sole." AUGUST 5. He was without human weakness, save the chronic cold in his head. I am afraid he is a Philistine. There will be fools who talk nonsense to her ; she hates that vapid frivolity. AUGUST 6. His hands are large, but otherwise they are no great shakes. O n the whole it's not bad to have a stranger present when there's a chance of a family quarrel. Her collection of songs is of a deep melancholy character. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 146 AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST 7. u He is a great gun, no doubt." On the whole I'd rather mee a ghost than a rat, or a black beetle, or a burglar. After that came a sad, far- away, changeless look in her eyes. AUGUST 8. Qin' s'exacse accuse is what he acts upon, and so he never has an excuse, but an explanation. His explanations, too, . are overwhelming and unanswerable. The girls adore me. She starts at the least thing. I FIND that on trying to pick out on the piano any original composition, I lose the tune before I pitch upon the AUGUST 9. notes. •Jf # :Jf -K- JJfYl The practicalest joker of my time. She is doomed to disappointment. 148 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST 10. A TALL, powerful man. ^ For myself I have always dis- ^Mi^^ liked his manner of shaking "j^^^^^ hands. Her method is : take up dis- course, drop stitch ; drop dis- course, pick up stitch. Simple. AUGUST 11. He is a capital fellow for any place, always knows who everybody is, and gives you their style, title, and occupation, all complete. She will go to a church and sit in a draught. AUGUST 12. And so he worked and worked away^ Much dreaded by his clerk, And never took a holiday For any sort of lark. Nor from morning to night did she ever sit down. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, AUGUST 13. His forehead is square, his eyes look round, and are occa- sionally bisected with mathemati- cal precision by heavy Euc-lids. - --^ I notice, as something remark- able, what a number of short- sighted people there are in the world. AUGUST 14. He dines with his friends, and laments that he can't invite hem in return. ^ Why not try the stage ? For youthful swells 'tis getting quite the rage. She is not a good sailor herself. AUGUST 15. He hadn't been to a theatre for years, and had not had an intervietv with a figurante or a coryphee since he had given up all notion of a career in West- minster Hall. She is always doing something. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 152 AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST 16. He is a fair-haired man, by the way, with a fresh, countri- fied face. She prides herself evidently on her classicality. My character is very vicious, And villany I think delicious. AUGUST 17. In fact, taking only his head, whiskers, and hat, and seeing as much of him as could be visible in bed, if he had a bad cold and were obliged to keep his shoulders covered, I should say, " This man is a sailor." Her soft, antelope eyes. Am I an ephemeral emptiness ? It sounds like a sort of title. AUGUST 18. I AM now what is called a gentleman in reduced circumx- stances. He looked pleasant when he laughed. Sweet child, when on a horse she isn't prancing. She gCEcrally spends her time in dancing. 154 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, AUGUST 19. u . ^ Everyone seems to know S^^^ Si l ' ::k'- what a lucky dog I am going to gP^^ f ( be except myself. "I like everything old- fashioned." I never saw anybody so frightened in my life. AUGUST 20. In early life he had devoted himself so entirely to study as to have had neither eyes nor thoughts for anything but the strictest mathematical definitions, and the very plainest axioms. "You'd hardly believe it, but she has never had the measles.'^ But what a pity to see a talent like this thrown away. To wed or not to wed there is the trouble, To make myself a ^' single or a double.'' No, she does not pretend to be a pattern. AUGUST 21. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, AUGUST 19. AUGUST 20. AUGUST 21. AUGUST 2 2. He was old yet fresh, his freshness was of the mountain dew off Ben Nevis. Always be decided in speak- ing to a hairdresser. AUGUST 2 3. A BACHELOR, I mean to be Adored by short and tall, I'll be all there with dark and fair But attached to none at all. There are some moments in life when both men and women feel themselves imperatively called on to make a face ; when not to do so is a struggle against a very natural revulsion. ■ I MUST reform. Get some young thing to love me, Some gentle creature just a cut above me. Of course in cold blood one would not dance with one's solicitor. She is a hoyden, not a lady ; a romp, a coquette. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. AUGUST 2 4. 158 Though I admit he is tall, handsome, with a genial man- ner, yet I do not like boisterosity, by which I mean a person's being continually boisterous. When he exceeded his one bottle of wine after dinner he in- variably wanted to talk theology. AUGUST 26. Shall I detect his faults in an hour? or in a day? or in three days ? I devote myself to science, especially farming. So beautiful, so statuesque, with that lovely head. AUGUST 2 7. He's got odd ways of going on. He is never morose — always cheerful, and the best com- panion in the world, I did not think, I admit, that her little hands were made to scratch eyes and bang heads ; or if httle hands are to be made for this purpose the lesser the better. 1 60 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. AUGUST 25. AUGUST 26. AUGUST 27. AUGUST 2 8. "And, in a general way, avoid London altogether, which is much too swellish and fashion- able for your limited means, my boy." He needs expansion. I tried to teach her French, but in two-two's I found her chucking at me boots and shoes. AUGUST 2 9. Recollect driving once again in Devonshire after dinner by moonlight. We walked the horse so as to be careful. He looks more asthmatic than aesthetic. She comes out particularly strong on a bright Sunday. AUGUST 3 0. To some people the bridge of his nose is something they cannot get over. A gentleman with a tight waist, long legs, and a glass in his eye. What's called society doesn't somehow agree with me, and I don't agree with what's called society. 162 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOR, AUGUST 28. AUGUST 29. AUGUST 30. AUGUST 31. Ask him to lend you five pounds, he can't, because his money is somehow tied up with his grandmother's, and he can't ask his grandmother suddenly to lend five pounds as she is subject to fits if startled. Where is the friend who will give you the advice when you really do require it ? SEPTEMBER 1. From his tone I gather he won't take advice. I wish I was quicker at thinking of these things. I must practise repartee. To enlighten such a woman, would be but to kindle a con- flagration. SEPTEMBER 2. He is remarkable neither for great talent, nor for any brilliant social qualities. Over his whole being there was an air of becoming- exasperation. Clever woman. After all one must have female society. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. AUGUST 31. SEPTEMBER 1. SEPTEMBER 2. SEPTEMBER 3. He is the jolliest, cheeriest, best looking, best hearted fellow possible. Repartees through an ear-trum- pet lose their sting. Tm bashful, and timid, and modest. SEPTEMBER 4. His memory is bad, and his acquaintance with literary history or any history is worse. With a little more feeding, and no exercise, hell do. "Your face will be your fortune" — in wax. But he's so constantly fishing— and he never brings back anything. He has a deep bass voice which is very impressive. How many excellent matches has not this enterprising woman made ! SEPTEMBER 5. i66 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER 6. He has such a melancholy air that I almost expect he will weep. What a charm there is in noveliy. Smart figure, sparkling eyes, neat waist, neither a wisp, nor a wasp, but just enough for an armful in a waltz or a galop. SEPTEMBER 7. He always explains, and invariably makes it appear that whatever fault there was, it was all on your side, never on his. I think I am thinner. Regard me well My face will tell That you may trust me blindly. SEPTEMBER 8. "You are now," shouted Mr. Barlow, "beginning to practise those virtues which have rendered the great men of. other times so justly famous." I am not inquisitive. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, SEPTEMBER 6. SEPTEMBER 7. SEPTEMBER 8. ^ ^ ^ V-N y-s . SEPTEMBER 9. That's the worst of him, he never knows when to stop. See myself in the window. Not bad, but hardly " showy." She laughed that low, soft, cobra - like, cough - no - more lozenge laugh of triumph and of mockery. SEPTEMBER 10. It's a rare thing to find anyone possessed of the faculty of appreciation. Beloved of everybody, Vami des fenimes^ the idol of fair women. She can snore through a brick wall. SEPTEMBER 11. Every man has a foundation on which he rests. A dis- turbance of that foundation causes deep anxiety. I must take up shooting and hunting this winter. There's a something about her which attracts me. Why ? HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 170 SEPTEMBER 9. SEPTEMBER 10. SEPTEMBER 11. 1? r SEPTEMBER 12. He used to be a great fellow in town for sitting up late. Perhaps in the country he goes to bed early. " Such a clever girl, so well read.'' SEPTEMBER 13. One who approached more nearly in physical conforma- tion to the glorious beauty of the Hydeparkian Achilles than do most men whom one sees and pities now-a-days. Her grand opal eyes. A quiet soft voice, a small compact woman of that danger- ously uncertain age which may be anything from thirty to thirty-nine. SEPTEMBER 14. He is now quiet and subservient. I can only suggest. I can't interfere, and turn things topsy-turvy. While speaking, she drew off her gloves, and displayed her small white dimpled hands, short, plump, firm fingers, and nails on which she must have bestowed the greatest care, so exquisitely were they trimmed, coloured, shaped, and pohshed. 172 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, SEPTEMBER 12. SEPTEMBER 13. SEPTEMBER 14. SEPTEMBER 15. A SPORTING man of the light trouser order. The man with an eye when out-of-doors is always picking out what he calls " pretty bits/ and exhibiting art or nature to you like a showman. I wish to goodness she wouldn't talk so loud. SEPTEMBER 16. I SHOULD say he often took his dinner at a restaurant, whither he was compelled in consequence of the trouble caused him by his own domestics. Of how much misery has she not been the cause ! She didn't positively dislike him, and was questioning with herself whether she had better disturb existing arrangements for the sake of a mere dream. SEPTEMBER 17. He looks critical, he looks knowing. Always be careful to finish dressing before one makes a public appearance. A woman well " made-up " is an angel .... with false wungs. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. SEPTEMBER 15. SEPTEMBER 16. SEPTEMBER 17. SEPTEMBER 18. He disappears with the news- papers when everybody is en- Her Httle sparkHng, provok- ing, petulant, green eyes. Even in such an affection would a man like this prove vulnerable or venerable. gaged in conversation, and cannot be found for the rest of the morning. He is generally considered a rising young man of strict business habits. A deaf person can always talk to herself, and obtain a hearing. Always blushing, and after the most ordinary remark about the weather or the last dance, she looks away as if she had just said something so bold and so dreadful. I TELL him, I like roughing it. When in doubt play the lobster sauce. All gauzes, suggestive of either being wafted away in a cloud, or requiring an attendant to be always on the watch with a hearthrug in case of her getting near a fire. SEPTEMBER 19. S,EPTEMBER 2 0. 176 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. SEPTEMBER 18. SEPTEMBER 19. SEPTEMBER 20. SEPTE MBER 21. It quite warms me to see him, he is so round and jolly. Women fidget, and make me so nervous. ' Yes — she is very fetching. SEPTEMBER 22- Perhaps he's shy. To ask for letters at a hotel gives you some importance. Her average in the country is a novel a day. Undeniably handsome and, so to speak, massively dressed. SEPTEMBER 2 3. He has generous instincts, this young man. This is the youth, in robes fur-trimmed, Whom Jacobo Tintoretti limned. " I have been young and wayward ; but I am so no longer.'' 178 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER 24. He is a man of his word. Her experience of men has taught her to repose no con- fidence in them, even in the most ordinary dealings. SEPTEMBER 25. When I was three I always said Td be A literary gent. "When I look round — and no one can look rounder than I do — what do I see?— misery everywhere.'^ She is thoroughly appreciative. SEPTEMBER 26. She takes vows by the fortnight or month to some High Church superioress, and goes out on charitable errands in a Quakerish-looking dress. His forehead was broad, so often was his conversation. She isn't fast, she has no brazen sauciness, No slang, and speaks without the slightest hoarseness. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. SEPTEMBER 27. He is not a professional acrobat. She has a way of saying, "Isn't it?" which attracts my attention. It's a pretty way. SEPTEMBER 28. He will click his glass in his eye (he always does this as if by machinery) and from some safe stand-point will examine a lady's toilette in detail. " Ain't I fascinating ? " She is perpetually practising the piano, and is always asking if anyone has seen some piece of music which she has mislaid. SEPTEMBER 29. I HUM tunes when brushing my hair which are really very good, if some one could only catch them and fix them on paper at the moment. She is like sweet preserved — very well preserved — thoroughly candid. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 182 SEPTEMBER 27. SEPTEMBER 28. SEPTEMBER 29. SEPTEMBER 30. Although I have taken to horse-dealing, and my whole moral nature has been changed in an hour or so, yet I am still tender-hearted. A very pretty, elegant girl. OCTOBER 1. He used to tell me he would be perfectly content with homely fare. His idea of homely fare was potage d la reine, mullet, ortolans, and woodcocks. " Am I not an arch thing ? OCTOBER 2. No doubt he is eccentric. If you want to be revenged on somebody, and don't mind expense, have his portrait painted with all his defects glaringly rendered, and present it as a mark of esteem to his family. You used to be so gentle and so nice. 184 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, OCTOBER 3. Having been a copying clerk in his youth, was from force of early training compelled to imitate. " If I am not allowed to do what I like, I scream." OCTOBER 4. I AM sure that 1 should make a very bad swindler. But I like to be respectful to old ladies. " For my part, I can't make out why you were born all." OCTOBER 5. He says he has been a great deal on the Continent. Write a treatise on whist, so as to teach myself the game. Her grammar's faulty, but her heart is true. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. i86 OCTOBER OCTOBER OCTOBER OCTOBER 6. I THOUGHT marriage would have sobered him. He was a jolly old cock, his son was a great goose and married a little duck Perhaps frivolous people have spoilt her with compliments and vapid conversation. OCTOBER 7. He cared now no more for figure, form, or buckles, nor for all the restraints he had put upon himself till this moment. There were Bees in her bonnet. You think yourself such a lady-killer. Fair hair, stacked in the top of her head, reheved artis- tically, as to colour, by the occasional appearance of a black hair-pin. Sweetly press your dearest friend to sing, for you lose nothing by it, and the chances are in favour of her failure. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. OCTOBER 8. OCTOBER 6. OCTOBER 7. IS '11. OCTOBER 8. 189 OCTOBER 9. Every man ought to be able to sew buttons on, and make beds if necessary. Her eyes sparkle and glitter like ^^r,'^ beautiful great sapphires. OCTOBER 10. He was above all an obstinate man. When he's been away for any length of time he always excuses himself by saying he'd been " chatting." She can talk sensibly. OCTOBER 11. He is the very picture of conventionality and conserva- tism. I don't know what's the matter with the young men now-a- days, hardly any of them dance. "Do you believe in sympathies springing up between two beings for the first time.'' 190 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. OCTOBER 12. He is what is called a man with his heart in the right place. I despise myself for getting cross with a hair-dresser, but one is entirely in his hands. A Hebe She be ! OCTOBER 18. A VERY interesting-looking young man. If you're introduced as a gentleman of great literary fame, and on being asked what youVe written, are obliged to answer " nothing," it makes you look so foolish. I wonder if my mouth is so very large. OCTOBER 14. He has quite a vocabulary of his own. His smile was sad, and he took bitters. She regales us with tales of the aristocracy, and our igno- rance is her bhss. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 192 OCTOBER 12 OCTOBER 13. OCTOBER 14. 193 OCTOBER 15. " What can this 'ere por- tend ? This boy his has waria- ble as a vethercock. Hevery blast virls 'im round an* round upon his centre, an' he won't not never fix in hany direck- shun." She doesn't exhibit a sense of rapture. OCTOBER 16. "He has a great deal of courage." Alas no ! he is still too material. > ^ Her conversation consists chiefly of interrogatories patheti- cally emphasised, or to put it in a more intelligible form, it consists of sentimental conundrums. OCTOBER 17. He can tell us curious circumstances about every one. I'm certain I could do an oratorio. Hum one, I mean. I can't write or play it. Look out ! for handsome hubs I'll try in vain, I've got to keep my eye upon the plain. 194 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. OCTOBER 18 He must be an uncommonly clevei man. Trust in Providence and keep your powder-puff dry. Shouting could frighten a burglar or a rat, but would have no effect on a blackbeetle or a ghost. O C T O B E R 19. The man with the elf's eyes. V I note that to be brought up in a lawyer's office make boys suspicious. I mean to try and give more weight to her character, which I am sure is all she needs. OCTOBER 2 0. He was rash and skilful. It is a comfort to an invaHd, when he finds his friends attentive. In fact, you don't, as five in every ten do. Wish to do everything that only men do. 196 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, OCTOBER 18. OCTOBER 19. OCTOBER 20. OCTOBER 21. A VERY upright, squirely- looking gentleman. I shall have established a horsey reputation. Never travel without biscuits, makes you inde- pendent. So do matches and soap. OCTOBER 2 2. Hi's line is farming. " So you are nqt married yet ?" I laugh and reply, " No I am not married yet,'' having in fact no other answer ready. " I know you — beautiful as you are, I know you." OCTOBER 2 3. Every English- man is born a sailor and a sportsman. Of course, if he doesn't keep it up after being born with these advan- tages, that's his fault. Next to being rich, the best thing is to have the credit for being so. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 198 OCTOBER 21. OCTOBER 22. OCTOBER 23. 199 OCTOBER 2 4. He talks German and French. That is, he speaks German, but I don't think much of his French. I have set up no idol to be adored with frenzy and knife- gashings. Catch Miss Weasel fast asleep and win a pair of gloves of her. ) OCTOBER 2 5. ) He seems to be weary of his own arguments. ^ Quite a refuge for the conversationally destitute is a ) photograph book. \ She was a master in the art of fence in conversation. ) OCTOBER 26 > " Though I am an M.P. ) My purse is quite M.T." J I am not quite clear at present, by the way, what I am, ) let alone what I shall be. J " You are a friend at a pinch." \ Having disposed of her own incumbrances to advantage ^ she undertakes matrimonial speculations for friends, as it ) were on commission. ^ . . .... ..... HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BCOK, 20O OCTOBER 24. OCTOBER 25. OCTOBER 26. OCTOBER 2 7. Of course I don't mind a haunted room ? " of course not. "I do like anything really romantic." The pet of society ! OCTOBER 28. His appearance does rather remind one of "the Sweir' in a pantomime. Always wake early in the country, and always expect a nice, bright morning in the country. Fve the power of fascination. Everything with him is "an enormity.'' He commits " the enormity " of smoking a cigarette. She was a lady to whom everyone went in their difficulties, and many a domestic rent has this invaluable woman patched up, so that the garment looked as good as new. And yet I neither love nor am beloved. OCTOBER 29. 202 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, OCTOBER 27. OCTOBER 28. OCTOBER 29. 203 OCTOBER 3 0. To-day, few knew of his name. History has many of those unknowns. YouVe never injured a ghost that you know of, and why should a ghost hurt you ? She is a handsome young lady. Her amateur theatrical reputation is her only chaperon : it guards her everywhere, and travels with her all over England. OCTOBER 31. He is perpetually practically joking. The "brought friend is coldly welcome for the evening, and they never speak to him afterwards. She is most impulsively playful. NOVEMBER 1. He is always chatting. A spiteful and cynical husband. What a clever person she must be. 204 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. OCTOBER 30. OCTOBER 31. NOVEMBER 1. NOVEMBER 2. where says, ^' is the langua; He was patient, humorous, gentle, cruel, tall, short, thin, stout, foolish, wise — all in one. You with hearts have oft played fast and loose. " Slang," somebody some- i of the future.'' ^ NOVEMBER'S. > He thinks what a wonderful comic power he possesses, and flatters himself that he would have made an enormous fortune on the stage. She's been to Nova Scotia. Draw her out." NOVEMBER 4. In his house everything is done with military precision. If he is always unhealthy, it is his normal state, and he is accustomed to it. I shall never have a lover. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. NOVEMBER NOVEMBER NOVEMBER NOVEMBER 5. He is meteoric in his movements. No- body can tell you whence he comes, or whither he goes. " Poor little me ! He has one talent for comic imitation, which, so to speak, he hides in a dinner-napkin and brings it out after dessert. NOVEMBER 6. " On Sunday he always makes a fuss about being obliged to inspect the farm. But it's only an excuse foi;not going to church." For impartiality's the rarest quality. She won't refuse a wealthy self-made man. NOVEMBER 7. What he a masher ? 'Tis my fondest dream. But as he shakes your hand, you feel by the line in which his eye travels, that he is going to say something tmpleasant about your new coat. She tells you how she " perfectly shrieked " or " screamed," whenever she has been laughing heartily, — which occurs, on an average, once in every half hour. 2oS HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK NOVEMBER 8. The tutor, par excellence, for unmanageable boys. So young and hearty. Oh ! her fate's a hard 'un ! To blacken a face is not to blacken a character. NOVEMBER 9. There are not many Hke him. The servants respected her, the children loved her, and to her parents she was invaluable. ^ He looks romantic, And rather disappointed with th' Atlantic." NOVEMBER 10. He is invariably polite. "Don't I know how to manage a parasol, so that from under its shelter I can fire my eye-revolvers ^vith killing effect ? " HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. VEMBER 11. My mind is so constituted to believe in others, that if a man positively asserts something and continually goes on asserting, I give in ; against my better judg- ment, I give in. . Those large staring eyes which took in everybody at a glance. NOVEMBER 12. " Such an amusing chap.'" To say that he was attracted by a Fair in any shape was nothing new. It may be only fancy, but every woman is at heart a match- maker. NOVEMBER 13. < i A MAN who talks loudly and authoritatively before women can always get an audience. Matrimony up would chaw me : How a mother-in-law would awe me. But I'm a cosmopohtan and can live anywhere. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. N O V E'M B E R NOVEMBER NOVEMBER 213 NOVEMBER 14. He is insular. I don't think doctors, as a rule, would be revengeful. Who talks of town ? The countr}' is my choice. NOVEMBER 15. Let me tell you my short but melancholy history. He is dressed in a suit of what he calls " Dittos," and a wide-awake hat. She is quite a character. NOVEMBER 16. He is too well drilled To show he's thrilled. He was not the man to be afraid of a giant. I like a thorough philosophical discussion. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, NOVEMBER 17. He is a real high-bred old country gentleman. ill " Ah," he says, " you are always reading, ain't you?" She has the true length and delicate acuteness of ear. NOVEMBER 18. That's the worst of me ; however ill I am, I invariably look well, and always look better and feel better, too, when a doctor comes. She is superior to mere outward show. I AM changed in manner, in morals, in habiliments, and in demeanour. I am all gloom Compelled a jovial bearing to assume, I'm forced to smile, when I would rather frown. Artistically speaking, a conversationalist ought to come in hke a lamb and go out like a lion. NOVEMBER 19. 2l6 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, NOVEMBER 2 0. His songs are unequalled. I know nothing, that for pathos, for true poetic fire, for local colouring, can touch them. Can't she get on without admiration from some one, from everyone, from anyone. NOVEMBER 21. If there is any mode of entrance except by the door, I observe he will always enter by it. Is there impiety in wishing that the power of brilliant repartee could be obtained by fasting, humiliation, and a short stay in a desert. Don't like " spooney" to be used by a girl. NOVEMBER 2 2. No person had ever seen him weep. Except that he is too impetuous and quarrels with his best friend for nothing, I have not a word to say against him. She's false and fickle, just like all the rest. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, NOVEMBER 2 0. NOVEMBER 21. .rr^ ^TT^ ^^^^^ NOVEMBER 2 2. 219 NOVEMBER 23. " I WAS born for a sports- man." When in doubt as to rela- tionships, merely, if absolutely jjH ; ,! necessary to speak at all, me n- \ ■ tion surnames. X ■■■ Mind, I don't take any merit to myself for this apparent strong-mindedness. NOVEMBER 2 4. It is not that he's exactly unsympathetic, but he has alv/ays had everything you've got now a long time ago. She dressed in a real hood for use, and a false hood for effect. NOVEMBER 2 5. He is hearty. A fellow's a snob who wishes to be considered anything better or worse than he really is. There she sits, lazy, happy, passive. HAPPV THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 220 NOVEMBER 2 3. NOVEMBER 2 4. NOVEMBER 2 5. 221 NOVEMBER 2 6. I WONDER how a parliamen- tar/ life would suit me. You yourself are often like those who offend you. NOVEMBER 2 7. A VERY good fellow, and really clever as an architect. ^ Where'er he went, In an attitude you'd find him. In every window there's her photograph. NOVEMBER 28. He finds it very easy to take jokes from other people, it saves making them for himself. He had been brought up to argue in a circle. You sit next her and in half an hour she has told you all the secret history of her life. She is pubhc and confidential. I don't think I care for riding as much as I used to, I shall go in for driving. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 222 NOVEMBER 2 9. " I've heard a great deal of you, sir ; I am told you are a very humorous person." Champagne is death to him," he tells us ; " but on this occasion " Women see character at once. NOVEMBER 3 0. If there is one thing more than another that sets me against a place, it is to be told that " It will set me up," " It'll make my hair curl." If there was a boat starting for Nova Scotia noia, I'd willingly pay for her ticket. DECEMBER 1, For, though he is an excellent fellow, he is— in fact he's an ignoramus. He commences dinner with two pills in half a tumbler of w^ater, as a general corrective. Her feet seemed as if they had just dropped off a boot- tree. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 224 DECEMBER 2. 1^; Never appears without the kHte^ latest invented scent on his K^^^ pocket-handkerchief, and the best fitting gloves. She is all life and animation. DECEMBER 3. He evidently understands the language of flowers. A man can't shout with any energy in cold blood. She is so impressionable. DECEMBER 4. His eye was generally clear ; at all events it was seldom watery. I am a bashful little maid, Fm very, very, shy. 226 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. DECEMBER 5. No one was permitted on any I I account to contradict him. No one knows him. " Well, I never see such a gal as that." DECEMBER 6. T He has contracted a habit of staring about him, stopping at corners, and before shop windows. The slow one of the family. DECEMBER 7. He is fond of assuming the American style when he wants to be forcible and yet playful. It is in some natures to be vague. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 228. DECEMBER 5. DECEMBER 6. DECEMBER 7. 229 DECEMBER 8. Whenever I want to think deeply I go to Margate. I am not inquisitive, and I abominate impertinent curiosity. DECEMBER 9. If he only had wings instead of shirt collars, he'd make his fortune by sitting to sculptors for " any ornaments for your tombstones/' Say she is very like her mama. DECEMBER 10. He isn't a lily-handed, curled, woman's darling. He wakes himself whistling. The early passenger catches the train. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. DECEMBER 11. " You're a pretty sort ot uncle, you are.' Every man ought to be brought up to learn something of medicine and anatomy. She is much given to tears. DECEMBER 12. Funny little chap ! Misery to fail and be feeble before the woman you ado^e. She was highly popular with men, and, as a natural con sequence, equally adored by her own sex. DECEMBER 13. A VERY big man, six feet two in stock- ings, and six feet four in his boots ; that is, allowing, as they say at Cribbage, " two for his heels." I "feel like danc- ing." HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. DECEMBER 11. DECEMBER 12. 2^ DECEMBER 13. 233 DECEMBER 14, The peasants said he had a gentle heart. But I am afraid he will be too suspicious for a partner. She talks in italics most heartily. DECEMBER 15. One eye was undamaged. This he used for winking. Or now he thinks he warbles as he used to warble when a young man. T do not care for the world. DECEMBER 16. If I can't trust a man as a man, why should I as a free- mason ? She has a queer way of getting her words entangled before they come out, leaving it to the hearer to unravel them and arrange them in a coherent sentence. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, DECEMBER 17. At least one can't help feel- ing that everything he says is humorous. Her highest speaking note was, to put it musically, " C under line." DECEMBER 18. He has a way of understanding you before you speak. Anticipatory style — provoking. "But, my dear," she says, quietly nodding her head; " they come to me in their difficulties." DECEMBER 19. He doesn't smile at all. Use of little black bags with papers in them. It looks so business-Hke to take papers out. Oh, she is such a Venus. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, 236 „^ (e-i^^^'^^ ^^^^ ^ ^^^^^^ ^if^jLj^ ^j^^^^^^K^i^/^^ DECEMBER 20. He has kind, grey, eager eyes, a rich brown gravy complexion, and a calm dispassionate nose. " I am very foolish, I know." DECEMBER 21. A VERY upright man. He thinks he looks picturesque. She was always saying "Why?'' in a plaintive tone, which caused her to be a favourite with everyone. DECEMBER 2 2. And he is so serious withal and so pleasant. Being the ugly woman of the family I generally make use of the plainest expression. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. DECEMBER 20. 7^ Q^€t~ V ^^tr-J^^ ^^i^"^ e^tn^--^^^-^ DECEMBER 22. 239 DECEMBER 23. It is the ^ naytchar'^ of some men to have presenti- ments and aversions. I am doing no good and very little harm. How travelling enlarges one's views. DECEMBER 2 4, He has long hair, turn-down collars, and a pale face. He saw no immorality in having two belles to his one beau. A blonde, tall and 7mnce^ with gentle blue wandering eyes. DECEMBER 26. But we will spend a quiet Christmas-time together, with cosy chats over the past. He's a character — quite a character. The most fascinating woman in the country. v^^^^^^^v/ ^ 240 HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, / DECEMBER 2 6. " Look out ! " Like si My lot in life. Tma '^O FUNNY little fat father ! " The art of talking to anyone with whom you are secretly in love is included in the power of making repartees. ter Anne, that seems about ways " looking out." DECEMBER 27. I HATE the idea of a red nose in the future. His calm, eager, melancholy gaze. "Do you mean making love is old-fashioned?" she enquired. DECEMBER 2 8. HE had come to conquer ; he had remained to fail. As he is seldom without a rifle, or some murderous weapon in his hand, he has the air of an amateur back- woodsman. Thought made her head ache. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. DECEMBER 2 6. DECEMBER 27. ZT^i— ytr<- c/>tnm^ .a.^ y4-^ DECEMBER 28. DECEMBER 2 9. I NOTICE he is fond of putting words into a sort of plural of his own invention. He's a bright, tall, good-looking fellow. The personification of dignified importance. DECEMBER 3 0. Some men have the habit of talking to themselves without knowing it. You look the picture of health : but the picture of anything is not the thing itself. It is my mission in life to soften matters. He has a vocabulary and idioms of his own, which he has partly invented and partly compiled by a process of careful selection from burlesques, music-hall ditties, the clowns' catch-words in pantomimes, and sporting slang generally. She is a butterfly, tasting the sweets of every life. Say good-bye and look as humorous as possible. DECEMBER 31. HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. DECEMBER 2 9. DECEMBER 3 0. DECEMBER 31. I HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK, D PAGE ^3/ ( PAGE HAPPY THOUGHTS BIRTHDAY BOOK. 250 PAGE --^i ' ^ ^^^^^^^ X Y Z