THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY 838 B66( 1699 Return this book on or before the Latest Date stamped below. A charge is made on all overdue books. U. of I. Library ||i!' -■ https://archive.org/details/graceaboundingtoOObuny_0 GEACE ABOUNDING TO THE CHIEF OF SINNEES New Series. CASSELL’S NATIONAL LIBRARY Grace Abounding TO The Chief of Sinners BY JOHN BXJNYAN CASSELL AND COMPANY, Limited LONDON, PARIS, NEW YORK d; MELBOURNE 1899 y . /./Th r:.‘ '> ’ y • ' H t IHi ■I I INTRODUCTION. This little book, in which Bnnyan puts his own character into the telling of his own experiences, needs little preface. John Bnnyan, whose family name was spelt Bonion in the parish register, was born of poor parents, at Elstow, near Bedford, in the year 1628. When in this book he talks of his early profligacy, he is sincere, but his own account of himself abounds in evidence of a sensitive nature, with an imagination quick to realise impressions and strong bias towards the spiritual life. He speaks of his unregenerate state with a devout intensity of reprobation that would mislead a reader inattentive to the character of this form of sincere self-condemnation. If young Bun- yan swore, it was because he picked up the habit froAi his neighbours. It was a habit with a history that of late years has even found a historian. If Bnnyan played at tip-cat on Sunday, he did so under royal patronage, for the Book of Sports had been specially ordered to be read in Church on a Sunday, to sustain the people against attacks of what was called Puritan zeal. Of his being ’listed in an army of the Civil 54300 6 INTRODUCTION. Wars, of his marriage and of his wife’s helping him to recover the art of reading out of the two books her father had left her, and of the next stages of his ex- perience in life Bunyan tells in this book all that we know. At last, through the talk of some poor women at Bedford, Bunyan was directed to their pastor, John Gifford, who had charge of a small Baptist church. John Gifford had served with the royal troops/ and been raised to the rank of major. He had been, with eleven others, condemned to death for rebellion, in Kent. His sister had contrived his escape on the night before his execution. He had hidden himself for three days in a ditch, till the search for him slackened, then escaped to London, and thence to Bedford, where he set up business as a doctor, and was a reprobate and gambler until a pious book converted him. He then formed the little church which Bunyan joined. John Bunyan was baptised, entered into communion with Mr. Gifford’s people, and by his prayers at their prayer-meetings, so touched their hearts, that he was asked to preach. Mr. Gif- ford’s church in Bedford began with twelve members in 1650, and by 1672 was so numerous that ten of its members had from time to time been ordained to spread the work of its ministry, and Bunyan was first of the ten. In 1656 Bunyan published his first little book. Some INTRODUCTION. 7 Gospel truths Opened according to the Scriptures ; he being then twenty-eight years old. An Act had been passed on the 26th of April 1645, by which preaching was forbidden to all but ordained ministers “except such as, intending the ministry, shall for trial of their gifts, be allowed by such as be appointed by both Houses of Parliament.” In 1653 commis- sioners were appointed “ for the approbation of public preachers.” There was also an Act of May 2nd, 1648, specially directed against all persons who denied the validity of infant baptism, and directing that any man who expresses this opinion “ shall be imprisoned until he gives security that he will not publish or sustain the said error any more.” Under Cromwell, Bunyan was not molested. The intensity of his preaching was represented by the title of the second volume that he published (1658), A few Sighs from Hell, or the Groans of a Damned Soul ; by that poor and contemptible servant of Jesus Christ, John Bunyan. Mr. Gifford wrote thirty pages of introduction to it. But after the Restoration, Bunyan having been in^^ited to preach, on the 12th of November, 1660, at Samsall in Bedford- shire, went, knowing his danger. He was arrested during service on a warrant issued by Francis Wingate, a neighbouring justice of the peace, and presently com- mitted to gaol. His prison is said to have been built over a pier in the middle of the old bridge across the Ouse, (pulled down in 1811,) the bridge itself having 8 INTRODUCTION. been not fifteen feet wide. In that den John Bunyan wrote the “Pilgrim’s Progress.” He was thirty- two years old when he went to prison. His first wife had died, leaving him with four young children, and he had married again. The 23rd of April was the day of the coronation of Charles II. Bunyan’s wife sought in vain that he might be included in the list of prisoners released on that occasion. Bunyan did not obtain his release till 1672, and one of the books written during the eleven or twelve years of his imprisonment was this of Grace Abounding to the chief of Sinners. H. M. AUTHOR'S INTRODUCTION. Children, Glrace be with you. Amen. I being taken from you in presence, and so tied up that I can- not perform that duty, that from God doth lie upon me to youward, for your farther edifying and building up in faith and holiness, etc., yet that you may see my soul hath fatherly care and desire after your spiritual and eTerlasting welfare, I now once again, as before, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, so now from the lion’s den, and from the mountains of the leopards, do look yet after you all, greatly longing to see your safe arrival into the desired haven. I thank God upon every remembrance of you ; and rejoice, even while I stick between the teeth of the lions in the wilderness, that the grace and mercy, and knowledge of Christ our Saviour, which God hath bestowed upon you, with abundance of faith and love ; your hungerings andihirstings after farther acquaint- ance with the Father, in the Son ; your tenderness of heart, your trembling at sin, your sober and holy deportment also, before both God and men, is a 10 authoe’s inteoduction. great refreshment to me; *‘For you are my glory and joy.” I have sent you here enclosed a drop of that honey that I have taken out of the carcase of a lion I have eaten thereof myself, and am much refreshed thereby. (Temptations, when we meet them at first, are as the lion that roared upon Samson; but if we overcome them, the next time we see them we shall find a nest of honey within them.) The Philistines understand me not. It is something of a relation of the work of God upon my soul, even from the very first, till now, wherein you may perceive my castings down and risings up; for he woundeth, and his hands make whole. It is written in the Scripture, “ The father to the children shall make known the truth of God.” Yea, it was for this reason I lay so long at Sinai, “ to see the fire, and the cloud, and the darkness, that I might fear the Lord all the days of my life upon earth, and tell of his wondrous works to my children which we have heard and known and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, show- ing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord and his strength and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel which he commanded our fathers that they should make them known unto their children.” author’s introduction. 11 Moses wrote of the journeys of the children of Israel from Egypt to the land of Canaan : and com- manded also that they did remember their forty years’ travel in the wilderness. “ Thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to hhmble thee, and to prove thee, and to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldst keep his commandments or no.” Where- fore this I have endeavoured to do ; and not only so, but to publish it also ; that, if God will, others may be put in remembrance of what he liath done for their souls, by reading his woik upon me. It is profitable for Christians to be often calling to mind the very beginnings of grace with their souls. “ It is a night to be much observed to the Lord, for bringing them out of the land of Egypt. This is that night of the Lord to be observed of all the children of Israel, in their generations. O my God (saith David), my soul is cast down within me ; but I will remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.” He remembered also the lion and the bear, when he went to fight with the giant of Gath. It was Paul’s accustomed manner, and that, when tried for his life, even to open before his judges the manner of his conversion ; he would think of that day, and that hour, in which he first did meet with grace ; 12 author’s introduction. for he found it supported him. When God had brought the children of Israel out of the Hed Sea, far into the wilderness, yet they must turn quite about thither again, to remember the drowning of their ene- mies there, for though they sang his praise before, yet they soon forgat his works. In this discourse of mine you may see much ; much, I say, of the grace of God towards me ; I thank God I can count it much, for it was above my sins and Satan’s temptations too. I can remember my fears and doubts, and sad months, with comfort ; they are as the head of Goliath in my hand ; there was nothing to David like Goliath’s sword, even that sword that should have been sheathed in his bowels ; for the very sight and remembrance of that did preach forth God’s deliverance to him. Oh ! the remembrance of my great sins, of my great temptations, and of my great fear of perishing for ever! They bring afresh into my mind the remembrance of my great help, my great supports from heaven, and the great grace that God extended to such a wretch as I. My dear children, call to mind the former days, and years of ancient times : remember also your songs in the night, and commune with your own heart, say in times of distress, “ Will the Lord cast off for ever ? and will he be favourable no more? Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for ever- author’s introduction. J-t^ more? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies ? And I said. This is my infirmity, but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High. I will re- member the works of the Lord, surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work and talk of thy doings.” Yea, look diligently, and leave no corner therein unsearched for that treasure hid, even the treasure of your first and second expe- rience of the grace of God towards you. Remember, I say, the word that first laid hold upon you : remem- ber your terrors of conscience, and fear of death and hell : remember also your tears and prayers to God ; yea, how you sighed under every hedge for mercy. Have you never a hill Mizar to remember ? Have you forgot the close, the milk-house, the stable, the barn, and the like, where God did visit your souls ? Remem- ber also the word, the word, I say, upon which the Lord hath caused you to hope: if you have sinned against light, if you are tempted to blaspheme, if you are drowned in despair, if you think God fights against you or if heaven is hid from your eyes ; remember it was thus with your father ; “ but out of them all the Lord delivered me.” I could have enlarged much in this my discourse, of my temptations and troubles for sin ; as also of the merciful kindness and working of God with my soul; 14 author’s introduction. I could also have stepped into a style much higher than this, in which I have here discoursed, and could have adorned all things more than here I have seemed to do, hut I dare not ; God did not play in tempting of me; neither did I play, when I sunk as into the bottomless pit, when the pangs of hell caught hold upon me; wherefore I may not play in relating of them, but be plain and simple, and lay down the thing as it was ; He that liketh it, let him receive it, and he that doth not, let him produce a better. Farewell. My dear Children, The milk and honey are beyond this wilderness. God be merciful to you, and grant that you be not slothful to go in to possess the land. JOHN BUNYAN. GtRaoe Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, ETC. ETC. In this my relation of the merciful working of God upon my soul, it will not he amiss if, in the first place, I do in a few words give you a hint of my pedigree, and manner of bringing up ; that thereby the goodness and bounty of God towards me may be the more advanced and magnified before the sons of men. For my descent then, it was, as is well known by many, ^ low and inconsiderable gexLeratipn ; my father’s house being of that rank that is meanest, and most de- spised of all the families in the land. Wherefore, I have not here, as others, to boast of noble blood, or of any high- born state, according to the flesh ; though, all things cctti- sidered, I magnify the heavenly Majfesty, for that by this door he brought me into the world, to partake of the grace and life that is in Christ by the gospel. But yet, notwithstanding the meanness and inconsider- ableness of my parents, it pleased God to put it into their hearts to put me to school, t o learn me both to read and write ; the which I also attained, according to the rate of other poor men’s children, though, to my shame I confess, I did soon lose that I had learned, even almost utterly, ajid that long before the Lord did work his gracious work of conversion upon my soul. 16 GRACE ABOUNDING TO A As for my own natural life, for the time that I was ^ without God in the world, it was, indeed, “ according to the course of this world and the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience.” It was my delight to be “ taken captive by the devil at his will ; ” being filled with all u nrighteo usness ; the which did also so strongly work, and put forth itself, both in my heart and life, and that from a child, that I had but few equals (especially considering my years, which were tender, being but few), both for cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming the holy name of God. Yea, so settled and rooted was I in these things, that they became as a second nature to me ; the which, as I have also with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, that even in my childhood he did scare and aff righten me with fearful dreams, and did terrify me with V fearful visions. For often, after I have spent this and the other day in sin, I have in my bed been greatly afflicted, while asleep^, with the apprehepsions of jieyjjs and wicked spirits, who still, as I then thought, laboured to draw me away with them, of which I could never be rid. Also r should, at these years, be greatly afflicted and troubled with the thoughts of the fearful torments of hell-fire ; still fearing, that it would be my lot to be found at last among those devils and hellish fiends, who are there, bound down with the chains and bonds of dark- ness, unto the judgment of the great day. These things, I say, when I was but a child, but nine or ten years old, did so distress my soul, that then in the midst of my many sports and childish vanities, amidst my vain companions, I was often m]ic^ cast^^^wn, and afflicted in my mind Ifflerewith, yet could I not let go my THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 17 sins : yea, I was also then so overcome with despair, of life and heaven, that I should often wish, either that there had been no hell, or that I had been a devil ; sup- posing they were only tormentors ; that if it must needs be that I went thither, I might be rather a tormentor than be tormented myself. A while after those terrible dreams did leave me, which also I soon forgot ; for my p]^§3i3;^s did quickly cut off the remembrance of them, as if they had never been : wherefore with more greediness, according to the strength of nature, I did still let loose the reins of my lust, and delighted in all transgressions against the law of G-od : so that until I came to the state of marriage, I was the very ringleader of all the youth that kept me company, in all manner of vice and ungodliness. Yea, such prevalency had the lusts and fruits of the flesh in this poor soul of mine, that had not a miracle of precious grace prevented, I had not only perished by the stroke of eternal justice, but had also laid myself open, even to the stroke of those laws which bring some to dis- grace and open shame before the face of the world. In these days the thoughts of religion were very grievous to me ; I could neither endure it myself, nor that any other should ; so that when I have seen some read in those books that concerned Christian piety, it would be as it were a prison to me. Then I said unto God, “ Depart from me, for I desire not the knowledge of ^ thy ways.” I was now void of all good consideration, heaven and hell were both out of sight and mind ; and as for saving and damning, they were least in my thoughts. “ 0 Lord, thou knowest my life, and my ways were not hid from thee ! ” But this I well remember, that though I could myself 18 GRACE ABOUNDING TO sin with the greatest delight and ease, and also take plea- sure in the vileness of my companions ; yet, even then, if I had at any time seen wicked things, by those who pro- fessed goodness, it would make my spirit tremble. As once above all the rest, when I was in the height of vanity, yet hearing one to swear, that was reckoned for a religious man, it had so great a stroke upon my spirit, that it made my heart ache. But Grod did not utterly leave me, but followed me still, not with convictions, but judgments, yet such as were mixed with mercy. For once I fell into a creek of the sea, and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat into Bedford river, but mercy yet pre- served me alive : besides, another time, being in a field, with one of my companions, it chanced that an adder passed over the highway, so I having a stick in miy^and struck her over the back ; and having stunned her, I forced open her mouth with my stick, and plucked her sting out with my fingers ; by which act had not Grod been merciful unto me, I might, by my desperateness, have brought myself to my end. This also I have taken notice of, with thanksgiving : When I was a soldier, I, with others, were drawn out to go to such a place (the siege of Leicester, A.D. 1645) to besiege it ; but when I was just ready to go, one of the company desired to go in my room : to which, when I had consented, he took my place ; and coming to the siege, as he stood sentinel, he was shot in the head with a musket bullet, and died. Here, as I said, were judgments and mercy, but neither of them did awaken my soul to righteousness ; wherefore I sinned still, and grew more and more rebellious against God, and careless of my own salvation. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 19 Presently after this I changed my condition into a married state, and my mercy was to light upon a wife^ whose father was counted godly. This woman and I, though we came together as poor as poor might be (not having so much household stuff as a dish or a spoon be- twixt us both), yet this she had for her part, “ The Plain Man’s Pathway to Heaven ; ” and “ The Practice of Piety ; ” which her father had left her when he died. In these two books I would sometimes read with her, wherein I also found some things that were somewhat pleasing to me ; (but all this while I met with no con- viction). She also would be often telling of me what a godly map her father was, and how he would reprove and correct vice, both in his house and among his neighbours ; what a strict and holy life he lived in his days, both in word and deed. Wherefore these books^ with the relation, though they did not reach my heart, to awaken it about my sad and sinful state, yet they did beget within me some desires to reform my vicious life, and fall in very eagerly with the religion of the times ; to wit, to go to clmrch jtwice^ a day, and that too with the foremost ; and there should very devoutly both say and sing, as others did, yet retain- ing my wicked life ; but withal I was so over-run with the spi rit of super stition, that I adored, and that with great devotion, even all things (both the high place, priest, clerk, vestment, service, and what else) belonging to the church ; counting all things holy that were therein contained, and especially the priest and clerk most happy, and, without doubt, greatly blessed, because they were the servants, as I then thought, of God, and were principal in the holy temple, to do his work therein. This conceit grew so strong in a little time upon my 20 GRACE ABOUNDING TO spirit, that had I but seen a priest (though never so sordid and debauched in his life), I should find my spirit fall under him, reverence him, and knit unto him ; yea, I thought, for the love I did bear unto them (supposing them the ministers of God), I could have laid down at their feet, and have been trampled upon by them ; their name, their garb, and work did so intoxicate and bewitch me. After I had been thus for some considerable time, another thought came in my mind ; and that was, whether we were of the Israelites or no ? For finding in the scripture that they were once the peculiar people of God, thought I, if I were one of this racCfiny soul must needs be happy. Now, again, I found within me a great long- ing^to‘15e resolved about this question, but could not tell how I should : at last I asked my father of it, who told me. No, we w ere not. Wherefore then I fell in my spirit as to the hopes of that, and so remained. But all this while I was not sensible of the danger and evil of sin ; I was kept from considering that sin would damn me, what religion soever I followed, unless I was found in Christ : nay, I never thought of him, or whether there was such a one, or no. Thus man, while blind, doth wander, but wearieth himself with vanity, for hel^oweiffi" not the way to the city of God. But one day (amongst all the sermons our parson made) his subject was, to treat of the Sabbath- day, and of the evil of breaMng_tlm^ either with labour, sports, or otherwise. (Now, I was, notwithstanding my religion, one that took much delight in all manner of vice, and especially that was the day that I did solace myself there- with.) Wherefore I fell in my conscience under his sermon, thinking and believing that he made that sermon THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 21 on purpose to show me my evil doing. And at that time I felt what guilt was, though never before, that I can re- member ; but then I was, for the present, greatly loaden therewith, and so went home when the se]^on_ was ended, with a great burthen upon my spirit. This, for that instant, did b^umb the sinews of my best delights, and did embitter my former pleasures to me ; but hold, it lasted not, for before I had well dined, the trouble began to go off my mind, and my heart returned to its old course : but oh ! how glad was I that this trouble was gone from me, and that the fire was put out, that I might sin again without control ! Wherefore, when I had satisfied nature with my food, I shook the sermon out of my mind, and to my old custom of sports and gaming I returned with great delight. But the same day, as I was in the midst of a game of cat, and having struck it one blow from the hole, just as I was about to strike it the second time, a voice did .suddenly dart from heaven into my soul, which said, “ Wilt thou leave thy sins and go to heaven, or have thy sins and go to hell ? ” At this I was put to an exceeding maze ; where- fore leaving my cat upon the ground I looked up to heaven, and was, as if I had, with the eyes of my under- standing, seen gie j^ord ^esus looking down upon me, as being very hotly displeasM'^With me, and as if he did severely threaten me with some grievous punishment for these and other ungodly practices. I had no sooner thus conceived in my mind, but, sud- denly, this conclusion was fastened on my spirit (for the former hint did set my sins agaiA, before my face), that I had been a great and grievous siiiner, and that it was now too late for me too look after heaven ; for Christ would not forgive me, nor pardon my transgressions. Then I fell to 22 GRACE ABOUNDING TO musing on this also ; and while I was thinking of it, and fearing lest it should be so, I felt my heart sink in despair, concluding it was too late ; and therefore I resolved in my mind to go on in sin : for, thought I, if the case be thus, my state is surely miserable ; miserable if I leave my sins, and but miserable if I follow them ; I can but be damned, and if I must be so, I had as good be damned for many sins as be damned for few. Thus I stood in the midst of my play, before all that then were present : but yet I told them nothing : but I say, having made this conclusion, I returned des- perately to my sport again ; and I well remember, that presently this kind of despair did so possess my soul that I was persuaded I could never attain to other comfort than what I should get in sin ; for heaven was gone already, so that on that I must not think ; wherefore I found within me great desire to take my fill of sin, still stuping what sin was yet to be committed, that I might taste the sweetness of it ; and I made as much haste as I could to fill my belly with its ^licates, lest I should die before I had my desires'; for that I feared greatly. In these things, I protest before G-od, I lie not, neither do I frame this sort of speech ; these were really, strongly, and with all my heart, my desires : the good Lord, whose mercy is unsearchable, forgive me my transgressions ! And I am very confident that this temptation of the devil is more usual among poor creatures than many are aware of, even to over-run the spirits with a scurvy and seared frame of heart, and benumbing of conscience, which frame he stilly and slyly supplieth with such de- spair, that, though not much guilt attendeth such, yet they continually have a secret conclusion within them that there is no hope for them ; for they have loved sins, THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 23 therefore after them they will go. “ But fchou saidst there is no hope : no, for I have loved strangers, and after them will I go. And they said there is no hope ; but we will walk every one after our own devices, and we will every one do the imagination of his evil heart.” Now therefore I went on in sin with great greediness of mind, still grudging that I could not be satisfied with it as I would. This did continue with me about a month or more ; but one day, as I was standing at a neighbour’s shop window, and there cursing and swearing, and play- ing the madman, after my wonted manner, there sat within the woman of the house, and heard me ; who, though she was a very loose and ungodly wretch, yet pro- tested that I swore and cursed at that most fearful rate, that she was made to tremble to hear me ; and told me further, that I was^jthe ungod liest fellow for swearing that she ever heard in all her life ; and that I, by Thus doing, was able To spoil all the youth in the whole town, if they came but in my company. At this reproof I was silenced, and put to secret shame ; and that too, as I thought, before the G-od of heaven ; wherefore, while I stood there, and hanging down my head, I wished with all my heart that I might be a little child again that my father might ^earn me to speak with- out this wicked way of swearing ; for, thought I, I am so accustomed to it, that it is in vain for me to think of a reformation ; for I thought that could never be. But how it came to pass I know not ; I did from this time forward so leave my swearing, that it was a great wonder to myself to observe it; and whereas before I knew not how to speak unless I put an oath before, and another behind, to make my words have authority ; now I could, without it, speak better, and with more pleasantness, 24 GRACE ABOUNDING TO than ever I could before. All this while I knew not Jesus Christ, neither did leave my sports and plays. But quickly after this I fell into company with one poor man that made profession of religion, who, as I then thought, did talk pleasantly of the Scriptures, and of the matter of religion ; wherefore falling into some love and liking to what he said, I betool^me to mjLBihle, and began to take great pleasure in reading, but especially with the histoical part thereof ; for as for Paul’s Epistles, and such like scriptures, I could not away with them, being as yet ignorant, either of the corruptions of my nature, or of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to save us. /^Wherefore I fell to some outward reformation both in my words and life, and did set the commandments before me for my way to heaven ; which commandments I also did strive to keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes, and then I should have comfort ; yet now and then should break one, and so afflict my con- science ; but then I should repent, and say I was sorry for it, and promise G-od to do better next time, and there got help again ; for then I thought I pleased God as well as any man in England. Thus I continued about a year ; all which time our neighbours did take me to be a very godly man, a new and religious man, and did marvel much to see such a great and famous alteration in my life and manners ; and indeed, so it was, tho ugh I knew not Chr ist, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope ; for, as I have well seen since, had I then died, my state had been most fearful. But, I say, my neighbours were amazed at this my great conversion from prodigious profaneness to something like a moral life, and truly, so they well might ; for this THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 25 my conversion was as great as for Tom of Bedlam to become a sober man. Now, therefore, they began to praise, to commend, and to speak well of me, both to my face and behind my back. Now I was, as they said, become godly ; now I was become a right honest man. But oh ! when I understood those were their words and opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well. For though, as yet, I was nothing but ji poo r painte d hypocrit e, yet 1 loved to. he talked of as on e that was truly godly. I was proud of my godliness, and indeed,X^^id all I did, either to be seen of, or to be well spoken of, by men : and thus I continued for about a twelvemonth, or more. Now you must know, that, before this, I had taken much delight in ringing, but my conscience beginning to be tender, I thoug&Tsuch practice was but vain, and there- fore forced myself to leave it ; yet my mind hankered ; wherefore I would go to the steeple-house and look on, though I durst not ring : but I thought this did not be- come religion neither ; yet I forced myself, and would look on still, but quickly after, I began to think how if one of the bells should fall? Then I chose to stand under a main beam that lay overthwart the steeple, from side to side, thinking here I might stand sure ; but then I thought again should the bell fall with a swing, it might first hit the wall, and then, rebounding upon me, might kil l me for all this beaip ; this made me stand in the steeple-door : and now, thought I, I am >iafe enough ; for if the bell should now fall, I can slip out behind these thick walls, and so be preserved notwithstanding. So after this I wonld yet go to see them ring, but would not go any farther than the steeple-door ; but then it came into my head, how if the steeple itself, should Jail ? And this thought (it may for aught I know when I stood and GRACE ABOUNDING TO 26 looked on) did continually so shake my mind, that I durst not stand at the steeple-door any longer, but was forced to flee, for fear the steeple should fall upon my head. ^ Another thing was, my dancing ; I was a full year be- fore I could quite leave that ; but all this while, when I thought I kept this or that commandment, or did, by word or deed, anything that I thought was good, I had great peace in my conscience, and would think with myself, God cannot choose but be now pleased with me ; yea, to relate it in mine own way, I thought no man in England could please God better than I, But poor wretch as I was ! I was all this while ignorant of J esus Ckrist ; and^going about to establish my own righteousness ; and had perished therein, had not God, in mercy, showed me more of my state by nature. But upon a day the good providence of God called me to Bedford, to work at my calling ; and in one of the streets of that town, I came where there were three or four poor women sitting at a door, in the sun, talking about the thin^oF God ; ^d being now willing to hear their discourse, I drew near to hear what they said, for I was now a brisk talker of myself in the matters of religion ; but I may say I heard but understood not, for they were far above, out of my reach. Their talk was about a new birth, the work of God in their hearts, as also how they were convinced of their miserable state by nature ; they talked how God had visited their souls with his love in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and promises they had been refreshed, comforted, and supported, against the temptations of the devil : moreover, they reasoned of the suggestions and temptations of Satan in particular, and told to each other by what means they had been afflicted, and how they were borne up under his assaults. They THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 27 also discoursed of their own wretchedness of heart, and of their unbelief ; and did contemn, slight, and abhor their own righteousness, as filthy, and insufficient to do them any good. And, methought, they spake as if joy did make them speak ; thay spake with such pleasantness of scripture language, and with such appearance of grace in all they said, that they were to me as if they had found a new world ; as if they were “ people that dwelt alone, and were » not to be reckoned among their neighbours.” At this I felt my own heart began to shake, a nd mis- trust my condition to be nought ; for I saw tli§,,t.iii all my thoughts about religion and salvation, the new birth did never enter into my mind ; neither knew I the comfort of the word and promise, nor the deceitfulness and treachery of my own wicked heart. As for secret thoughts, I took no notice of them ; neither did I understand what Satan’s temptations were, nor how they were to be withstood and resisted, etc. Thus, therefore, when I had heard and considered what they said I left them, and went about my employment again, but their talk and discourse went with me ; also my heart would tarry with them, for I was greatly affected with their words, both because by them I was convinced that I wanted the true tokens of a truly godly man, and also because by them I was convinced of the happy and blessed condition of him that was such a one. Therefore I would often make it my business to be going again and again into the company of these poor people, for I could not stay away, and the more I went among them the more I did question my condition ; and as I still do remember, presently I found two things within me, at which I did sometimes marvel (especially 28 GRACE ABOUNDING TO considering what a blind, ignorant, sordid, and ungodly wretch but just before I was). The one was a very great softness and tenderness of heart, which caused me to fall under the conviction of what by Scripture they asserted, and the other was a great bending in my miud^JcLa^n- tinual meditating on it, and on all other good things, which at any time ITieard or read of. By these things my mind was now so turned, that it lay like a horse-leech at the vein, still crying out, “ G-ive, Give, which was so fixed on eternity, and on the things about the kingdom of heaven (that is, so far as I knew, though as yet, God knows, I knew but little), that neither pleasures, nor profits, nor persuasions, nor threats could loose it, or make it let go its hold, and though I may speak it with shame, yet it is in very deed a certain truth, it would then have been as difficult for me to have taken my mind from heaven to earth, as I have found it often since to get it again from earth to heaven. One thing I may not omit : There was a you ng m an in our town, to whom my heart before was knit more than to any other, but he being a most wicked creature for cursing, and swearing, and I now shook him off, and forsook his company ; but about a quarter of a year after I had left him, I met him in a certain lane, and asked him how he did : he, after his old swearing and mad way, answered, he was well. But, Harry,’" said I, ‘‘ why do you curse and swear thus ? What will become of you, if you die in this condition ? ” He answered me in a great chafe, “ What would the devil do for company if it were not for snob n.s T a,] p ? ” About thi^ time I met with* some Banters’ books, that were put forth by some of our countrymen, which books were also highly in esteem by several old professors ; THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 29 some of these I read, but was no t able t o make any j ud gment a bout them ; wherefore asTread in them, and thought upon them, seeing myself unable to judge, I would betake myself to hearty prayer in this manner. “ 0 Lord, I am a fool, and not able to know the truth from error ; Lord, leave me not to my own blindness, either to approve of or condemn this doctrine ; if it be of God, let me not despise it ; if it be of the devil, let me not embrace it. Lord, I lay my soul in this matter only at thy foot, let me not be deceived, I humbly beseech thee.” I had one religious intimate companion all this while, and that was the poor man I spoke of before ; but about this time he also turned a most devilish Ranter, and gave himself up to all manner of filthiness, especially uncleanness ; he would also deny that there was a God, angel, or spirit, and would laugh at all exhortations to sobriety ; when I laboured to rebuke his wickedness, he would laugh the more, and pretend that he had gone through all religions, and could never hit upon the right till now. He told me also, that in a little time I should see all professors turn to the ways of the Ranters. Wherefore, abominating those cursed principles, I left his company forthwith, and became to him as great a- stranger as I had been before a familiar. Neither was this man only a temptation to me, but my calling lying in the country, I happened to come into several people’s company, who though strict in religion formerly, yet were also drawn away by these Ranters. These would also talk with me of their ways, and condemn me as legal and dark ; pretending that they only had attained to perfection, that could do what they would and not sin. Oh ! these temptations were suitable to my ftesh, I being but a young man, and my nature in iia 30 GRACE ABOUNDING TO prime ; but God, who had, as I hoped, designed me for better things, kept me in the fear of his name, and did not suffer me to accept such cursed principles. And blessed be God, who put it into my heart to cry to him to be kept and directed, still distrusting my own wisdom ; for I have since seen even the effects of that prayer, in his preserving me, not only from Ranting errors, but from those also that have sprung up since. The Bible was precious to me in those days. And now methought, I began to look into the Bible with new eyes, and read as I never did before, and es- pecially the epistles of the Apostle St. Paul were sweet and pleasant to me ; and, indeed, then I was never out of the Bible, either by reading or meditation ; still crying out to God, that I might know the truth, and way to heaven and glory. And as I went on and read, I hit upon that passage, To one is given, by the Spirit, the word of wisdom ; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit ; and to another faith,” etc. And though, as I have since seen, that by this scripture the Holy Ghost intends, in special, things extraordinary, yet on me it did then fasten with conviction that I did want things ordinary, even that understanding and wisdom that other Christians had. On this word I mused, and could not tell what to do, especially this word Faith ” put me to it, for I could not help it, but sometimes must question whether I had any faith, or no ; but I was loath to conclude I had no faith ; for if I do so, thought I, then I shall count myself a very cast-away indeed. No, said I, with myself, though I am convinced that I am an ignorant sot, and that I want those blessed gifts of knowledge and understanding that other people have, THE CHIEF OF SINNEES. 31 yet at a venture I will conclude, I am not altogether faithless, though I know not what faith is ; for it was shown me, and that too (as I have since seen) by Satan, that those who conclude themselves in a faithless state, have neither rest nor quiet in their souls ; and I was loath to fall quite into despair. Wherefore by this suggestion, I was for a while made afraid to see my want of faith ; but G-od would not suffer me thus to undo and destroy my soul, but did con- tinually, against this my sad and blind conclusion, create still within me such suppositions, insomuch that I could not rest content, until I did now come to some certain knowledge, whether I had faith or no, this always running in my mind, But how if you want faith in- deed ? But how can you tell you have faith ? ” And besides, I saw for certain, if I had not, I was sure to perish for ever. So that though I endeavoured at the first to look over the business of Faith, yet in a little time, I better con- sidering the matter, was willing to put myself upon the trial whether I had faith or no. But alas, poor wretch ! so ignorant and brutish was I, that I knew not to this day any more how to do it, than I knew how to begin and accomplish that rare and curious piece of art which I never yet saw or considered. WTierefore, while I was thus considering, and being put to a plunge about it (for you must know, that as yet I had not in this matter broken my mind to any one, only did hear and consider), the tempter came in with this delusion, “ That there was no way for me to know I had faith but by trying to work some miracles ; urging those scriptures that seem to look that way, for the enforcing and strengthening his temptation. Nay, one day, as I 32 GRACE ABOUNDING TO was between Elstow and Bedford, the temptation was hot upon me to try if I had faith by doing some miracle ; which miracle at this time was this, I must say to the puddles that were in the horse-pads. Be dry ; and to the dry places. Be you puddles : and truly one time I was going to say so indeed ; but just as I was about to speak, this thought came into my mind, “ But go under yonder hedge and pray first, that God would make you able.” But when I had concluded to pray, this came hot upon me : That if I prayed, and came again, and tried to do it, and yet did nothing notwithstanding, then to be sure I had no faith, but was a cast-away, and lost ; nay, thought I, if it be so, I will not try yet, but will stay a little longer. So I continued at a great loss ; for, I thought, if they only had faith, which could do such wonderful things, then I concluded, that for the present I neither had it, nor yet for the time to come were ever like to have it. Thus I was tossed betwixt the devil and my own igno- rance, and so perplexed, especially at some times, that I could not tell what to do. About this time, the state and happiness of these poor people at Bedford was thus, in a kind of a vision, presented to me. I saw as if they were on the sunny side of some high mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams of the sun, while I was shivering and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with frost, snow, and dark clouds : methought also, betwixt me and them, I saw a wall that did compass about this mountain ; now through this wall my soul did greatly desire to pass ; concluding, that if I could I would even go into the very midst of them, and there also comfort myself with the heat of their sun. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 33 About this wall I bethought myself to go again and again, still prymg as I went, to see if I could find some way or pass age, by which I might enter therein ; but none could I find'Jor some time : at the last, I saw, as it were, a narrow gap, like a little door- way in the wall, through which I attempted to pass. Now the passage being very strait and narrow, I made many efforts to get in, but all in vain, even until I was well nigh quite beat out by striving to get in ; at last, with great striving, me- thought I at first did get in my head, and after that, by a sideling striving, my shoulders, and my whole body ; then I was exceeding glad, went and sat down in the midst of them, and so was comforted with the light and heat of their sun. Now this mountain, and wall, etc., was thus made out to me : The mountain signifi ed the church of the li ving €rod ; the sun tha fi shone thereon, the comfort able shining of his merciful fa^ on them that were the rciu ;_the wall I thought was the world, that did make separation be- tween the Christig,ns -and the- world ; and the gap which was in the wall LtliQUght,: ^ Jes us Christ, who is the ^ w^" "to^ od the Father. For Jesus said in his reply to Thomas, “ I am the way and the truth and the life, no man cometh to the Father but by me. Because straight is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” But forasmuch as the passage was wonderful narrow, even so narrow that could not, but with great difficulty, enter in thereat, it showed me, that none could enter into life but those that were in downright earnest, and unless also they left that wicked world behind them ; for here was only-room for body a^4fi0uVbut not for bodj and saul_a^ sin. This resemblance abode upon^y spirit many days ; all B— 39 34 GRACE ABOUNDING TO which time I saw myself in a forlorn and sad condition ^ but yet was provoked to a vehement hunger and desire ta be one of that number that did sit in the sunshine. Now also should I pray wherever I was ; whether at home or abroad, in house or field ; and would also often, with lifting up of heart, sing that of the fifty-first Psalm, O Lord, consider my distress ; ” for as yet I knew not where it was. Neither as yet could I attain to any comfortable per- suasion that I had faith in Christ ; but instead of having satisfaction here, I began to find my soul to be assaulted with fresh doubts about my future happiness ; espe- cially with such as these, whether I was elected t But how, if the day of grace should now be past and gone ? ” By these two temptations I was very much afflicted and disquieted ; sometimes by one, and sometimes by the other of them. And first, to speak of that about my questioning my election, I found at this time, that though I was in a flame to find the way to heaven and glory, and though nothing could beat me off from this, yet this question did so offend and discourage me, that I was, especially sometimes, as if the very strength of my body also had been taken away by the force and power thereof. This scripture did also seem to me to trample upon all my desires ; “ It is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth ; but of God that showeth mercy.” J With this scripture I could not tell what to do : for I evidently saw, unless that the great God, of his infinite grace and bounty, had voluntarily chosen me to be a vessel of mercy, though I should desire, and long, and labour until my heart did break, no good could come of it. Therefore this would stick with me, How can you THE CHIEF OP SINNERS. 35 tell that you are elected ? And what if you should not ? How then ? ” O Lord, thought I, what if I should not indeed ? It may be you are not, said the Tempter ; it may be so in- deed, thought I. “ Why, then,” said Satan, you had as good leave off, and strive no farther ; for if, indeed, you should not be elected and chosen of God, there is no hope of 3’^our being saved ; for it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth ; but of God that showeth mercy.” By these things I was driven to my wits-end, not knowing what to say, or how to answer these tempta- tions : indeed, I little thought that Satan had thus assaulted me, but that rather it was my own prudence thus to start the question ; for that the elect only obtained eternal life ; that I without scruple did heartily close withal ; but that myself was one of them, there lay the question. Thus therefore, for several days, I was greatly assaulted and perplexed, and was often, when I have been walking, ready to sink where I went, with faintness in my mind ; but one day, after I had been so many weeks oppressed and cast down therewith, as I was now quite giving up the ghost of all my hopes of ever attaining life, that sen- tence fell with weight upon my spirit, “Look at the generations of old, and see ; d^ ever any trust dn God, and were confounded ? ” At which I was greatly enlightened, and encouraged in my soul ; for thus, at that very instant, it was expounded to me : “ Begin at the beginning of Genesis, and read to the end of the Revelations, and see if you can find that there were ever any that trusted in the Lord, and were confounded ? ” So coming home, I presently went to my 36 GKACE ABOUNDING TO Bible, to see if I could find that saying, not doubting but to find it presently ; for it was so fresh, and with such strength and comfort on my spirit, that it was as if if talked with me. Well, I looked, but I found it not ; only it abode upon me. Then did I ask first this good man, and then another^ if they knew where it was, but they knew no such place. At this I wondered, that such a sentence should so sud- denly, and with such comfort and strength, seize, and abide upon my heart ; and yet that none could find it (for I doubted not but that it was in the holy scriptures). Thus I continued above a year, and could not find the place ; but at last, casting my eye upon the Apocr;y^ha j books, I found it in Ecclesiasticus, “ Look at the genera- tions of old and see, did ever any trust in the Lord and was confounded ; or did any abide in his fear and wa& forsaken ; or whom did he ever despise that called upon him ! ” This, at the first, did somewhat daunt me : but because by this time I had got more experience of the love and kindness of God, it troubled me the lesSy especially when I considered that though it was not in those texts that we call holy and canonical ; yet, foras- much as this sentence was the sum and substance of many of the promises, it was my duty to take the comfort of it ; and I bless God for that word, for it was of good to me : that word doth still ofttimes shine before my face. After this, that other doubt did come with strength upon me, “ But how if the day of grace should be past and gone ? How if you have overstood the time of mercy?” Now I remember that one day, as I was walking in the country, I was much in the thoughts of this, “ But how if the day of grace is past ? ” And to THE CHIEF OF SINNEfRS. 37 . aggravate my trouble, the Tempter presented to my mind those good people of Bedford, and suggested this unto> me, that these being converted already, they were all that God would save in those parts ; and that I came too’ late, for these had got the blessing before I came. Now I was in great distress, thinking in very deed that this might well be so : wherefore I went up and down,, bemoaning my sad condition ; counting myself far worse- than a thousand fools for standing off thus long, and spending so many years in sin as I had done ; still crying out, “ Oh ! that I had turned sooner ! Oh ! that I had turned seven years a^o ! ” It made me also angry with my- self to think that I should have no more wit but to trifle away my time till my soul and heaven were lost. But when I had been long vexed with this fear, and was scarce able to take one step more, just about £he same place where I received my other encouragement, ;these words broke in upon my mind, ‘‘ Compel them to come in,. > that my house may be filled ; and yet t here is room.” These words, but especially those, “ and yet tEeTels room,”” were sweet words to me ; for truly I thought that by them I saw there was place enough in heaven for me ; and moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak these words he then did think of me ; and that he knowing that the time would come that I should be afflicted with fear, that there was no place left for me in his bosom, did before speak this word, and leave it upon record, that I might find help thereby against this vile temptation. This I then verily believed. In the light and encouragement of this word I went a. pretty \yhile ; and the comfort was the more, when I thought that the Lord J esus should think on me so long ago, and that he should speak those words on purpose for 38 GRACE ABOUNDING TO my sake ; for I did think verily that he did on purpose speak them to encourage me withal. But I was not without my temptations to go back again ; temptations, I say, both from Satan, mine own heart, and carnal acquaintance ; but I thank God these were out- weighed by that sound sense of death, and of the day of judgment, which abode, as it were, continually in my view : I would often also think on Nebuchadnezzar ; of j whom it is said, “ He had given him all the kingdoms of the earth, and for the majesty that he gave him; all people, nations, and languages trembled and feared before him ; whom he would he slew, and whom he would he kept alive, and whom he would he set up, and whom he would he put down.” Yet, thought I, if this great man had all his portion in this world, one hour in hell-fire would make him forget all. Which consideration was a great help to me. I was also made, about this time, to see something con- cerning the beasts that Moses counted clean and unclean : I thought those beasts were types of men ; the clean, types of them that were the people of God ; but the un- clean, types of such as were the children of the wicked one. Now I read, that the clean beasts chewed the cud ; ” that is, thought I, they show us we must feed upon the word of God : they also “ parted the hoof.” I thought that signified, we must part, if we would be saved, with the ways of ungodly men. And also in further reading about them I found, that though we did chew the cud as the hare, yet if we walked with claws, like a dog ; ■or if we did part the hoof, like the swine, yet if we did I not chew the cud, as the sheep, we are still, for all that, ^ hut unclean : for I thought the hare to be a type of those that talk of the word, yet walk in the ways of sin ; and THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 39 * that the swine was like him that parted with his outward pollution, but still wanteth the word of faith, without which there could be no way of salvation, let a man be never so devout. After this I found by reading the word that those that must be glorified with Christ in another world, must be called by him here ; called to the partaking of a share in his word and righteousness, and to the comforts and first-fruits of his Spirit ; and to a peculiar interest in all those heavenly things, which do indeed prepare the soul for that rest, and house of glory, which is in heaven above. Here again I was at a very great stand, not knowing what to do, fearing I was not called ; for, thought I, if I be not called, what then can do me good? None but those* who are effectually called inherit the kingdom of heaven. But oh ! how I now loved those words that spake of a Christian’s calling ! as when the Lord said to one. Follow me ; ’’ and to another, Come after me : ” and oh, thought I, that he would say so to me too : how gladly would I run after him ! I cannot now express with what longings and breath- ings in my soul I cried jtQ_Christ to call me. Thus I con- tinned for a time, all on,,a....fl ajaa-^»-4(riTg~'ggnrerted to J esus Christ ; and did also see at that day such glory in a con- verted state, that I could not be contented without a share therein. Grold ! could it have been gotten for gold,, what would I have given for it ! Had I had a whole world it had all gone ten thousand times over for this, that my soul might have been in a converted state. How lovely now was every one in my eyes that I thought to be converted, whether man or woman ! They shone, they walked like a people that carried the broad seal of heaven about them. Oh ! I saw “ the lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and they had a goodly heritage.”’ / 40 GRACE ABOUNDING TO But that which made me sick was that of Christ, in St. Mark, “ He went up into a mountain, and called to him j whom he would, and they came unto him.” This scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire in my soul. That which made me fear, was this : lest •Christ should have no liking to me, for he called whom he would. But oh ! the glory that I saw in that condition did still so engage my heart, that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call, but I presently wished, “ Would I had been in their clothes, would I had been born Peter ; would I had been born John ; or, would I had been by and had heard him when he called them, how would I have cried, O Lord, call me also ! But oh ! I feared he would not call me.” And truly, the Lord let me go thus many months to- gether, and showed me nothing, either that I was already or should be called hereafter : but at last, after much time spent, and many groans to God, that I might be made partaker of the holy and heavenly calling, that word came in upon me : “ I will cleanse their blood, that I ^ have not cleansed, for the Lord dwelleth in Zion.” These words I thought were sent to encourage me to wait still upon God ; and signified unto me, that if I were not already, yet time might come, I might be in truth con- verted unto Christ. About this time I began to break my mind to those poor people in Bedford, and to tell them my condition ; which, when they had heard, they told Mr. Gifford of me, who himself also took occasion to talk with me, and was willing to be well persuaded of me, though I think from little grounds : but he invited me to his house, where I should hear him confer with others about the dealings of •God with their souls ; from all which I still received more THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 41 conviction, and from that time began to see something of the vanity and inward wretchedness of my wicked heart for as yet I knew no great matter therein ; but now it began to be discovered unto me, and also to work at that rate as it never did before. Now I evidently found that lusts and corruptions put forth themselves within me, in wicked thoughts and desires, which I did not regard before ; my desires also for heaven and life began to fail ; [ found also, that whereas before my soul was full of longing after God, now it began to hanker after every foolish vanity ; yea, mj heart would not b^moved to mind that which was good ; it began to be careless, both of my soul and 'lieaven; It would now continually hang back, both to, and in every duty ; and was as a clog on the leg of a bird, to hinder it from flying. Nay, I thought, now I grew worse and worse : now I am farther from conversion than ever I was before. Where- fore I began to sink greatly in my soul, and began to en- tertain such discouragement in my heart, as laid me as low as hell. If now I should have burned at the stake,. I could not believe that Christ had a love for me : alas, I could neither hear him, nor see him, nor feel him, nor favour any of his things ; I was driven as with a tempest^, my heart would be unclean, and the Canaanites would dwell in the land. Sometimes I would tell my condition to the people of God, which, when they heard, they would pity me, and would tell me of the promises ; but they had as good have told me that I must reach the sun with my finger, as have bidden me receive or rely upon the promises : and as soon I should have done it. All my sense and feeling were- against me, and I saw I had a heart that would sin,, and that lay under a law that would condemn. 42 GRACE ABOUNDING TO These things have often made me think of the child which the father brought to Christ, “ who, while he was yet coming to him, was thrown down by the devil, and ^ iilso so rent and torn by him, that he lay down and wallowed, Cf foaming.” Further, in these days I would find my heart to shut itself up against the Lord, and against his holy word : I have found my unbelief to set, as it were, the shoulder to the door, to keep Him out ; and that too even then, when I have with many a bitter sigh cried. Good Lord, break it open : Lord, “ break these gates of brass, and cut these ^ bars of iron asunder.” Yet that word would sometimes oreate in my heart a peaceable pause, “ I girded thee, though thou hast not known me.” But all this while, as to the act of sinning, I was never more tender than now ; my hinder parts were inward : I durst not take a pin or stick, though but so big as a •etraw ; for my conscience now was sore, and would smart ^t every touch : I could not now tell how to speak my words, for fear I should misplace them. Oh, how cautiously did I then go, in all I did or said ! I found myself as in a miry bog, that shook if I did but stir, and was, as there, left both of God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all good things. But I observed, though I was such a great sinner before conversion, yet God never much charged the guilt of the sins of my ignorance upon me ; only he showed me I was lost if I had not Christ, because I had been a sinner : I saw that I wanted a perfect righteousness to present me without fault before God, and this righteousness was nowhere to be found but in the person of Jesus Christ. But my original and inward pollution. That, that was my plague and affliction, that I saw at a dreadful rate. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 43 always putting forth itself within me ; that I had the guilt of, to amazement ; by reason of that, I was more loathsome in mine own eyes than a toad, and I thought I was so in Grod’s eyes too. Sin and corruption, I said, would as naturally bubble out of my heart as water would bubble out of a fountain ; I thought now that every one had a better heart than I had ; I could have changed heart with anybody ; I thought none but the devil him- self could equalise me for inward wickedness and pollution of mind. I fell, therefore, at the sight of my own vileness deeply into despair, for I concluded that this condition that I was in could not stand with a state of grace. Sure,, thought I, I am forsaken of Grod ; sure, I am given up to the devil, and to a reprobate mind ; and thus I continued a long while, even for some years together. While I was thus afflicted with the fears of my own damnation, there were two things would make we wonder : the one was, when I saw old people hunting after the things of^ ^s life, as i^f they should live here always ; the other was, when I found professors much distressed and cast down, whe n they met with outward losses, as of husband, wife, child, etc. Lord, thought I, what ado i& here about such little things as these ! WTiat seekings after carnal things by some, and what grief in others for the loss of them ! if they so much labour after and shed so many tears for the things of this present life, how am I to be bemoaned, pitied, and prayed for ! My soul is- dying, my soul is damning. Were my soul but in a good cond.ition, and were I but sure of it, ah ! how rich I should esteem myself, though blessed but with bread and water I I should count those but small afflictions, and should bear them as little burthens. “A wounded spirit who can. bear ! ” 44 GRACE ABOUNDING TO And though I was much troubled, and tossed, and ■afflicted, with the sight and sense and terror of my own wickedness, yet I was afraid to let this sight and sense go •quite off my mind ; for I found that unless guilt of con- science was taken off the right way, that is, by the blood of Christ, a man grew rather worse for the loss of his trouble of mind. Wherefore, if my guilt lay hard upon me, then would I cry that the blood of Christ might take it off : and if it was going off without it (for the sense of sin would be sometimes as if it would die, and go quite away), then I would also strive to fetch it upon my heart again, by bringing the punishment of sin in hell-fire upon my spirits ; and would cry, “ Lord, let it not go off my heart but the right way, by the blood of Christ, and the application of thy mercy, through him, to my soul ; ” for that Scripture did lay much upon me, “ without shed- •ding of blood is no remission.” And that which made me the more afraid of this was, because I had seen some who, though when they were under the wounds of conscience, would cry and pray : yet feeling rather present ease for their trouble than pardon for their sin, cared not how they lost their guilt so they got it out of their mind. Now, having got it off the wrong way, it was not sanctified unto them ; but they grew harder and blinder, and more wicked after their trouble. This made me afraid, and made me cry to trod the more, that it might not be so with me. And now I was sorry that Cod had made me man, for I feared I was a reprobate : I counted man as unconverted, the most doleful of all creatures. Thus being afflicted and tossed about my sad condition, I counted myself alone, and above the most of men unblessed. Yea, I thought it impossible that ever I should attain to so mu GRACE ABOUNDING TO times together ; and still as they ran in my mind they waxed stronger and warmer, and began to make me look up ; but being as yet between hope and fear, I still replied in my heart, “ But is it true, but is it true ? ” At which that sentence fell upon me, “ He wist not that it was truo } which was done unto him of the Angel.” Then I began to give place to the word which with power did over and over make this joyful sound within my soul, “ Thou art my love, thou art my love, and nothing shall separate thee from my love.” And with that my heart was filled full of comfort and hope, and now I could believe that my sins would be forgiven me ; yea, I was now so taken with the love and mercy of Grod, that I re- member I could not tell how to contain till I got home ; I thought I could have spoken of his love, and have told of his mercy to me, even to the very crows that sat upon the ploughed lands before me, had they been capable to have understood me : wherefore I said in my soul, with much gladness, Well, would I had a pen and ink here, I would write this down before I go any farther ; for surely I will not forget this forty years hence.” But, alas I within less than forty days I began to question all again ; which made me begin to question all still. Yet still at times I was helped to believe that it was a true manifestation of grace unto my soul, though I had lost much of the life and savour of it. Now about a week or a fortnight after this I was much follo\yed by this Scripture, Simon, Simon ; behold, Satan hath desired ^5-^ to have you ; ” and sometimes it would sound so loud within me, yea, and, as it were, call so strongly after me,, that once, above all the rest, I turned my head over my shoulder, thinking verily that some man had behind me called me ; being at a great distance, methought he called THE CHIEF OP SINNERS. 47 so loud. It came, as I have thought since, to have stirred me up to prayer, and to watchfulness : it came to acquaint me that a cloud and a storm were coming down upon me : but I understood it not. ^ Also, as I remember, that time that it called to me so loud was the last time that it sounded in mine ears ; but methinks I hear still with what a loud voice these words, Simon, Simon,” sounded in mine ears. I thought verily, as I have told you, that somebody had called after me that was half a mile behind me ; and although that was not my name, yet it made me suddenly look behind me, believing that he that called so loud meant me. But so foolish was I, and ignorant, that I knew not the reason of this sound (which, as I did both see and feel soon after, was sent from heaven as an alarm, to awaken me to provide for what was coming) ; only I would muse and wonder in my mind, to think what should be the reason of this Scripture, and that at this rate, so often and so loud, it should still be sounding and rattling in mine ears : but, as I said before, I soon after perceived the end of God therein. For, about the space of a month after, a very great storm came down upon me, which handled me twenty times worse than all I had met with before ; it came stealing upon me, now by one piece, then by another. First, all my comfort was taken from me ; then darkness seized upon me ; after which, w’hole floods of blasphemies, both against God, Christ, and the Scriptures, were poured upon my spirit, to my great confusion and astonishment. These blasphemous thoughts were such as stirred up questions in me against the very being of God and of His only beloved Son : As, whether there were in truth a God or Christ ? And whether the holy Scriptures were not rather 4s GRACE ABOUNDING TO a fable and cunning story, than the holy and pure word of God ? The tempter would also much assault me with this: ‘ How can you tell but that the Turks had as good Scrip- tures to prove their Mahomet the Saviour, as we have to prove our J esus ? And, could I think that so many ten thousands, in so many countries and kingdoms, should be without the knowledge of the right way to heaven (if there were indeed a heaven) ; and that we only, who live in a corner of the earth, should alone be blessed there- with ? Every one doth think his own religion rightest,^ both Jews and Moors and Pagans ; and how if all our faith, and Christ, and Scriptures should be but a think- ing too?” Sometimes I have endeavoured to argue against these suggestions, and to set some of the sentences of blessed Paul against them ; but alas ! I quickly felt, when I thus- did, such arguings as these would return again upon me, ‘‘ Though we made so great a matter of Paul, and of his^ words, yet how could I tell, but that Tn very ~3eed, he being a subtle and cunning man, might give himself up to deceive with strong delusions : and also take the painii and travel to undo and destroy his fellows.” These suggestions (witH many others which at this time I may not, and dare not utter, neither by word or pen) did make such a seizure upon my spirit, and did so over- weigh my heart, both with their number, continuance, and fiery force, that I felt as if there were nothing else but these from morning to night within me ; and as- though, indeed, there could be room for nothing else ; and also concluded, that God had, in very wrath to my soul, given me up to them, to be carried away with them, as wdth a mighty whirlwind. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 49 * Only by the distaste that they gave unto my spirit, E felt there was something in me that refused to embrace them. But this consideration I then only had when God gave me leave to swallow my spittle ; otherwise the noise^ and strength, and force of these temptations would drown and overflow, and, as it were, bury all such thoughts, or the remembrance of any such thing. "WTiile I was in this temptation, I often found my mind suddenly put upon it to curse and swear, or to speak some grievous thing against God, or Christ his son, and of the scriptures. Now, I thought, surely I am possessed of the devil : at other times, again, I thought I should be bereft of my wits ; for instead of lauding and magnifying God the- Lord with others, if I have but heard him spoken of, pre- sently some most horrible blasphemous thought or other- would bolt out of my heart against him ; so that whether- I did think that God was, or again did think there was no such thing, no love, nor peace, nor gracious disposition could I feel within me. These things did sink me into very deep despair ; for I concluded that such things could not possibly be found amongst them that loved God. I often, when these temptations had been with force upon me, did compare- myself to the case of such a ch ild, whom some gip s y hath by force took up in her arms, and is car:Q^ing from friend and country. Kick sometimes I did, and also shriek and c ry ; bu t yet I was bound in the wings of the temptation,, and the wind wduld~'cafry ine away. I thought also of Saul, and of the evil spirit that did possess him ; and did greatly fear that my condition was the same with that of his. In these days, when I have heard others talk of what was the sin against the Holy Ghost, then would the- •50 GRACE ABOUNDING TO tempter so provoke me to desire to sin that sin, that I way ■as if I could not. must not. neither should be quiet until I had committed it ; now no sin would serve but that. If it were to be committed by speaking of such a word, then I have been as if my mouth would have spoken that word, whether I would or no ; and in so strong a measure was this temptation upon me, that often I have been ready to clap my hands under my chin, to hold my mouth from opening ; and to that end also I have had thoughts at other times to leap with my head downward into some muck-hole or other, to keep my mouth from speaking. Now again I beheld the condition of the dog and toad, and counted the estate of everything that God had made, far better than this dreadful state of mine, and such as my companions were. Yea, gladly would I have been in the condition of a dog or horse, for I knew they had no souls to perish under the everlasting weight of hell, or sin, as mine was like to do. Nay, and though I saw this, felt this, and was broken to pieces with it, yet that which added to my sorrow was, I could not find that with :all my soul I did desire deliverance. That scripture did ;also tear and rend my soul in the midst of these distrac- tions, “ The wicked are like the troubled sea, which can- not rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt. There is no peace to the wicked, saith my God.” And now my heart was, at times, exceeding hard ; if I would have given a thousand pounds for a tear, I could not shed one : no, nor sometimes scarce desire to shed one. I was much dejected to think that this would be my lot. I saw some could mourn and lament their sin ; and others, again, could rejoice and bless God for Christ ; and others, again, could quietly talk of, and with gladness xememher the word of God ; while I only was in the 1 THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 51 Storm or tempest. This much sunk me, I thought my condition was alone, I should therefore much bewail my hard hap, but get out of, or get rid of these things^ I could not. \Miile this temptation lasted, which was about a year, I could attend upon none of the ordinances of God, but with sore and great affliction. Yea, then I was most dis- tressed with blasphemies. If I had been hearing the word, then uncleanness, blasphemies, and despair would hold me a captive there ; if I have been reading, then sometimes I had sudden thoughts to question all I read sometimes, again, my mind would be so strangely snatched away, and possessed with other things, that I have neither known, nor regarded, nor remembered so much as the sentence that but now I have read. In pr^er also I have been greatly troubled at this^ time ; sometimes I have thought I have felt the devil behind me pulling my clothes ; he would be also con- tinually at me in time of prayer, to have done, break off “ Make haste, you have prayed enough, and stay no longer ; ^ still drawing my mind away. Sometimes also he would cast in such wicked thoughts as these, that I must pray to him, or for him. I have thought sometimes of that, “ Fall down,” or, “ if thou wilt fall down and worship me.” Also, when because I have had wandering thoughts in the time of this duty, I have laboured to compose my mind, and fix it upon God ; then w^,^re£^t force hath the tempter laboured to distract me, and confound me,, and to turn^way my mind, by presenting to my heart and fancy the form of a bush, a bull, a besom, or the like,, as if I should pray to these. To these he would also (at sometimes especially) so hold my mind, that I was as if I -52 GRACE ABOUNDING TO ' tender mercy. Soiii.«thing also there was upon my heart at the same time, which I now cannot call to mind, which, with this text, did sweeten my heart, and make me con- clude that his mercy might not be quite gone, nor gone for ever. At another time I remembered, I was again much under this question, “ Whether the blood of Christ was^ sufficient to save my soul ? ” in which doubt I continued from morning till about seven or eight at night : and at last, when I was, as it were, quite worn out with fear> lest it should not lay hold on me, these words did sound suddenly within my heart : “ He is able.” But, me- thought, this word “ able ” was spoke loud unto me ; it showed a great word, it seemed to be writ in great letters, and gave such a jostle to my fear and doubt (I mean for the time it tarried with me, which was about a day), as I never had from that time, all my life, either before or after. Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto Grod by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.” But one morning as I was again at prayer, and trem- bling under the fear of this, that no word of G-od could help me, that piece of a sentence darted in ui)on me, “My grace is sufficient.” At this, methought I felt some stay, as if there might be hopes. But, oh ! how good a thing it is for God to send his word ! for, about a fortnight be- fore, I was looking on this very place, and then I thought it could not come near my soul with comfort, therefore I threw down my book in a pet : then I thought it was not Jarge enough for me ; no, not large enough ; but now it was as if it had arms of grace so wide, that it could not only enclose me, but many more besides. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 91 By these words I was sustained, yet not without ex- ceeding conflicts, for the space of seven or eight weeks ; for my peace would be in it, and out, sometimes twenty times a day ; comfort now, and trouble presently ; peace now, and before I could go a furlong, as full of fear and guilt as ever heart could hold. And this was not only now and then, but my whole seven weeks’ experience : for this about the sufficiency of grace, and that of Esau’s parting with his birthright, would be like a pair of scales within my mind : sometimes one end would be uppermost, and sometimes again the other ; according to which would be my peace or troubles. Therefore I did still pray to Grod that he would come in with his scripture more fully on my heart ; to wit, that he would help me to apply the whole sentence, for as yet I could not ; that he gave, that I gathered ; but further I could not go, for as yet it only helped me to hope there might be mercy for me ; My grace is suffi- cient.” And though it came no farther, it answered my former question ; to wit, that there was hope ; yet be- cause “ for thee ” was left out, I was not contented, but prayed to God for that also. Wherefore, one day, when I was in a meeting of God’s ’people, full of sadness and terror ; for my fears again were strong upon me ; and, as I was now thinking, my soul was never the better, but my case most sad and fearful, these words did with great power suddenly break in upon me : “ My grace is suffi- cient for thee, my grace is sufficient for thee, my grace is sufficient for thee,” three times together. And oh ! me- thought that every word was a mighty word unto me ; as my,” and “ grace,” and “ sufficient,” and for thee ; ” they were then, and sometimes are still, far bigger than others be. 1)2 GRACE ABOUNDING TO At which time my understanding was so enlightened^ that I was as though I had seen the Lord Jesus look down from heaven, through the tiles upon me, and direct these words unto me. This sent me mourning home ; it broke my heart, and filled me full of joy, and laid me low as the dust ; only it stayed not long with me, I mean in this^ glory and refreshing comfort ; yet it continued with mo for several weeks, and did encourage me to hope : but as soon as that powerful operation of it was taken from my heart, that other, about Esau, returned upon me as before r so my soul did hang as in a pair of scales again, some- times up, and sometimes down ; now in peace, and anon again in terror. Thus I went on for many weeks, sometimes comforted, and sometimes tormented ; and especially at sometimes my torment would be very sore, for all those scriptures aforenamed in the Hebrews would be set before me, as the only sentences that would keep me out of heaven. Then again I would begin to repent that ever that thought went through me ; I would also think thus with myself : “ Why, how many scriptures are there against me ? There are but three or four ; and cannot God mis& them, and save me for all them ? Sometimes again I would think, Oh ! if it were not for these three or four words, now how might I be comforted ! And I could hardly forbear at some times to wish them out of the book. Then methought I should see as if both Peter and Paul, and John, and all the writers, did look with scorn upon me, and hold me in derision ; and as if they had said unto me, All our words are truth, one of as much force as the other : it is not we that have cut you off, but you have cast away yourself. There is none of our sentences that THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 93 :- you must take hold ui3on, but ,these, and such as these ‘ It is impossible, there remains no more sacrifice for sin and it had been better for them not to have known the will of Grod, than after they had known it to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them ; for the scriptures cannot be broken.’ ” These, as ,the elders of the city of refuge, I saw, were to be judges both of my case and me, while I stood with the “ avenger of blood ” at my heels, trembling at their gate for deliverance ; also with a thousand fears and mis- trusts, I doubted that they would shut me out for ever, “ They shall be your refuge from the avenger of blood. And when he that doth flee unto one of those cities shall stand at the entering of the gate of the city, and shall declare his cause in the ears of the elders of the city,, they shall take him into the city unto them, and give him a place that he may dwell among them.” Thus was I confounded, not knowing what to do, or how to be satisfied in this question, “ Whether the scrips tures could agree in the salvation of my soul ? I quaked at the apostles ; I knew their words were true, and that they must stand for ever. ^ And I remember one day, as I was in divers frames of spirit, and considering that these frames were according to the nature of several scriptures that came in upon my mind ; if this of grace, then was I quiet ; but of that of Esau, then tormented. “ Lord,” thought I, “ if both these scriptures should meet in my heart at once, I won- der which of them would get the better of me.” So methought I had a longing mind that they might come both together upon me ; yea, I desired of God they might. Well, about two or three days after, so they did indeed > GRACE ABOUNDING TO they bolted both upon me at a time, and did work and struggle strongly in me for awhile ; at last, that about Esau’s birthright began to wax weak, and withdraw, and vanish ; and this, about the sufficiency of grace^ prevailed with peace and joy. And as I was in a muse about this thing, that scripture came in upon me, “ Mercy rejoiceth over judgment.” This was a wonderment to me ; yet truly, I am apt to think it was of Grod ; for the word of the law and wrath must give place to the word of life and grace ; because, though the word of condemnation be glorious, yet the word of life and salvation doth far exceed in glory, as it is written, “ How shall not the ministration of the Spirit be rather glorious. For if the ministration of condemna- tion be glory, much more doth the ministration of righteousness exceed in glory. For even that which was made glorious had no glory in this respect, by reason of the glory that excelleth. And Peter answered and said to Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here, and let us make three tabernacles, one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias. For he wist not what to say, for he was sore afraid. And there was a cloud overshadowed them, and a voice came out of the cloud, saying. This is my beloved Son, hear him.” Then I saw that Moses and Elias must both vanish, and leave Christ and his saints alone. That scripture did also most sweetly visit my soul : And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out.” Oh ! the comfort that I had from this word, “in no 'wise ! ” As who should say, “ By no means, for nothing whatever he hath done.” But Satan would greatly labour to pull this promise from me, telling of me, “ That Christ did not mean me, and such as I, but sinners of a lower THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 95. rank, that had not done as I had done.” But I would answer him again, ‘‘ Satan, here is in these words no such exception ; but, ^ him that comes, him, any him ; him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out.’ ” And this I well remember still, that of all the slights that Satan used to take this scripture from me, yet he never did. so much as put this question, But do you come aright ? ” And I have thought the reason was, because- he thought I knew full well what coming aright was for I saw that to come aright was to come as I was, a vile and ungodly sinner, and so cast myself at the feet of mercy, condemning myself for sin. If ever Satan and I did strive for any word of G-od in all my life, it was for this good word of Christ ; he at one end, and I at the other. Oh ! what work we made ! It was for this in John, I say, that we did so tug and strive, he pulled, and I pulled but God be praised, I overcame him ; I got sweetness from it. (^ut notwithstanding all these helps, and blessed words- of grace, yet that of Esau’s selling of his birthright would still at times distress my conscience) for though I had been most sweetly comforted, and that but just before,, yet when that came into my mind, it would make me- fear again ; I could not be quite rid thereof, it would every day be with me : wherefore now I went another way to work, even to consider the nature of this blasphemous thought : I mean, if I should take the words at the largest, and give them their own natural force and scope,, even every word therein. So when I had thus considered,. I found, that if they were fairly taken, they would amount to this : “ That I had freely left the Lord Jesus Christ to his choice, whether he would be my Saviour, or no ; ” for the wicked words were these, ‘*Let him go if he- 96 GRACE ABOUNDING TO will.” Then that scripture gave me hope, ‘‘ I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.” “ O Lord,” said I, “ but I have left thee.” Then it answered again, “ But I will not leave thee.” For this I thanked God also. Yet I was grievously afraid he should, and found it ex- ceeding hard to trust him, seeing I had so offended him : I could have been exceeding glad that this thought had never befallen ; for then I thought I could with more case and freedom in abundance have leaned on his grace. I saw it was with me as it was with Joseph’s brethren ; the guilt of their own wickedness did often fill them with fears that their brother would at last de- spise them. Yet above all the scriptures that I yet did meet with, that in Joshua xx. was the greatest comfort to me, which speaks of the slayer that was to flee for refuge : “ And if the avenger of blood pursue the slayer, theii saith Moses, they that are the elders of the city of refuge shall not deliver him into his hands, because he smote his neigh- bour unwittingly, and hated him not aforetime.” Oh ! blessed be G-od for this word ; I was convinced that I was the slayer ; and that the avenger of blood pursued me, I felt, with great terror ; only now it remained that I in- quire, whether I have right to enter the city of refuge : so I found that he must not ‘‘who lay in wait to shed blood.” It was not the wilful murderer, but he who unwittingly did it, he who did it unawares ; not out of spite, or grudge, or malice, he that shed it unwittingly : even he who did not hate his neighbour before. Wherefore, I thought verily I was the man that must enter, be- cause I had smitten my neighbour “ unwittingly, and hated him not aforetime.” I hated him not aforetime ; no, I prayed unto him, was tender of sinning against THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 97 him ; yoa, and ag’ainst this wicked temptation I had strove for twelve months before ; yea, and also when it did pass through my heart, it did in spite of my teeth • wherefore I thought I had a right to enter this city, and the elders, which are the apostles, were not to deliver me up. This, therefore, was great comfort to me, and gave me much ground of hope. Yet being very critical (for my smart had made me that I knew not what ground was sure enough to bear me), I had one question that my soul did much desire to be resolved about ; and that was, ‘‘ Whether it be possible for any soul that hath sinned the unpardonable sin, yet after that to receive (though but the least) true spiritual comfort from God, through Christ ? ” The which after I had much considered, I found the answer was, “ No, they could not j and that for these reasons : First, Because those that have sinned that sin, they are debarred a share in the blood of Christ ; and being shut out of that, they must needs be void of the least ground of hope, and so of spiritual comfort : “ For to such there remains no more sacrifice for sin.” Secondly, Because they are denied a share in the promise of life : ‘‘ They shall never be forgiven, neither in this world, nor in that which is to come.” Thirdly, The son of G-od ex- cludes them also from a share in his blessed intercession being for ever ashamed to own them, both before his holy Father, and the blessed angels in heaven. When I had with much deliberation considered of this matter, and could not but conclude that the Lord had comforted me, and that too after this my wicked sin : then methought I durst venture to come nigh unto those most fearful and terrible scriptures, with which all this while I had been so greatly affrighted, and on which, indeed, 98 GRACE ABOUNDING TO before I durst scarce cast mine eyes (yea, had much ado a hundred times to forbear wishing them out of the Bible), for I thought they would destroy me ; but now, I say, I began to take some measure of encouragement, to come close to them to read them, and consider them, and to weigh their scope and tendency ; the which when I began to do, I found my visage changed : for they looked not so grimly as before I thought they did : and first I came to the seventh of the Hebrews, yet trembling for fear it should strike me ; which when I had considered, I found that the falling there intended was a falling quite away ; that is as I conceived, a falling from, and absolute denying of the gospel, of remission of sins by Jesus Christ ; for, from them the apostle begins his argument, verses 1, 2, 3. Secondly I found that this falling away must be openly, even in the view of the world, even so as “ to put Christ to an open shame.” Thirdly, I found those he there intended were for ever shut up of God, both in blindness, hardness, and impenitency : “ It is impossible they should be renewed again unto repentance.” By all these particulars, I found to God’s everlasting praise, my sin was not the sin in this place intended. First, I confessed I was fallen, but not fallen away ; that is, from the profession of faith in Jesus unto eternal life. Secondly, I confessed that I had put Jesus Christ to shame by my sin, but not to open shame ; I did not deny him before men, nor condemn him as a fruitless one before the world. Thirdly, Nor did I find that God had shut me up, or denied me to come (though I found it hard work indeed to come) to him by sorrow and repentance : blessed be God for unsearchable grace I THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 99 Then I considered that in the tenth chapter of the He- brews, the 2(ith, 27th, 28th, and 29th verses, and found that the wilful sin there mentioned is not every wilful sin, but that which doth throw off Christ, and then his commandments too. Secondly, That must be done also openly, before two or three witnesses, to answer that of the law, verse 28. Thirdly, This sin cannot be committed, but with great despite done to the Spirit of Grrace ; despising both the dissuasions from that sin, and the per- suasions to the contrary. But the Lord knows, though this my sin was devilish, yet it did not amount to these. And as touching that in the 12th chapter of the He- brews, about Esau’s selling of his birth-right ; though this was that which killed me and stood like a spear against me, yet now I did consider, first, that his was not a hasty thought against the continual labour of his mind, but a thought consented to, and put in practice likewise, and that after some deliberation, Gen. xxv. Secondly, It was. a public and open action, even before his brother, if not^ before many more ; this made his sin of a far more heinous nature than otherwise it would have been. Thirdly, He continued to slight his birth-right : he did eat and drink and went his way : thus Esau despised his birth-right, yea, twenty years after he was found to despise it still. And Esau said, “ I have enough, my brother, keep that, thou hast unto thyself.” Now as touching this, that Esau sought a place of re- pentance ; thus I thought : First, This was not for the birth-right, but the blessing : this is clear from the apostle, and is distinguished by Esau himself ; He hath taken away my birth-right (that is, formerly), and now he hath taken away my blessing also.” Secondly, now this being thus considered, I came again to the apostle, to sm 100 GRACE ABOUNDING TO what might be the mind of God, in a New Testament style and sense, concerning Esau’s sin ; and so far as I could conceive, this was the mind of God, that the birth- right signified regeneration, and the blessing, the eternal inheritance ; for so the apostle seems to hint. “ Lest there be any profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birth-right ; ” as if he should say, “ That shall cast off all those blessed beginnings of God, that at present are upon him, in order to a new birth ; lest they become as Esau, even be rejected afterwards, when they should inherit the blessing.” For many there are who, in the day of grace and mercy, despise those things which are indeed the birth-right to heaven, who yet, when the deciding day appears, will cry as loud as Esau, “ Lord, Lord, open to us,” but then, as Isaac would not repent, no more will God the Father, but will say, ‘‘ I have blessed these, yea, and they shall be blessed ; ” but as for you, “ Depart, you are the workers of iniquity.” When I had thus considered these scriptures, and found that thus to understand them was not against, but according to other scriptures ; this still added further to my encouragement and comfort, and also gave a great blow to that objection, to wit, “ That the scriptures could not agree in the salvation of my soul.” And now re- mained only the hinder part of the tempest, for the thunder was gone beyond me, only some drops did still Temain, that now and then would fall upon me ; but be- cause my former frights and anguish were very sore and deep, therefore it oft befell me still, as it befalleth those that have been scared with fire. I thought every voice was “ Fire ! fire ! ” Every little touch would hurt my tender conscience. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 101 But one day, as I was passing into the field, and that too with some dashes on my conscience, fearing lest yet all was not right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, “ Thy righteousness is in heaven,” and methought withal, I saw with the eyes of my soul, Jesus Christ at G-od’s right hand : there, I say, was my righteousness ; so that wher- ever I was, or whatever I was doing, God could not say of me, “ He wants my righteousness ; ” for that was just be- fore him. I also saw, moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse ; for my righteousness was Jesus Christ himself, “ The same yester- day, to-day, and for ever.” Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed ; I was loosed from my afflictions and irons ; my temptations also fled away : so that from that time those dreadful scrip- tures of God left off to trouble me : now went I also home rejoicing, for the grace and love of God ; so when I came home, I looked to see if I could find that sentence : “ Thy righteousness is in heaven,” but could not find such a saying ; wherefore my heart began to sink again, only that was brought to my remembrance, “ He is made unto us of God, wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and re- demption ; by this word I saw the other sentence true. For by this scripture I saw that the man Christ Jesus, as he is distinct from us as touching his bodily presence, so he is our righteousness and sanctification before God. Here, therefore, I lived for some time, very sweetly at * peace with God through Christ ; oh, methought, Christ ! Christ ! there was nothing but Christ that was before my eyes. I was not now (only) for looking upon this and the other benefits of Christ apart, as of his blood, burial, or resurrection, but considering him as a whole Christ ; as 102 GRACE ABOUNDING TO he in whom all these, and all other his virtues, relation®, offices, and operations met together, and that he sat on the right hand of God in heaven. ’Twas glorious to me to see his exaltation, and the worth and prevalency of all his benefits, and that because now I could look from myself to him, and would reckon that all those graces of God that now were green on me, were yet but like those cracked groats and fourpence- halfpennies that rich men carry in their purses when their gold is in their trunks at home. Oh, I saw my gold was in my trunk at home ! In Christ my Lord and Saviour. Now Christ was all ; all my righte against.” “ Sir,” said I, “ if I may do good to one by my discourse,. 154 GRACE ABOUNDING TO why may I not do good to two 1 And if to two, why not to four, and so to eight,” etc. ? “ Ay,” saith he, “ and to a hundred, I warrant you.” “ Yes, sir,” said I, “ I think I should not be forbid to do as much good as I can.” “ But,” saith he, “ you may but pretend to do good, and instead, notwithstanding, do harln by seducing the people ; you are therefore denied your meeting so many together, lest you should do harm.” “ And yet,” said I, “ you say the law tolerates me to dis- course with my neighbour ; surely there is no law tolerates me to seduce any one ; therefore if I may by the law dis- course with one, surely it is to do him good, and if I by discoursing may do good to one, surely, by the same law, I may do good to many.” The law,” saith he, ‘‘ doth expressly forbid your private meetings ; therefore they are not to be tolerated.” I told him that “ I would not entertain so much un- charitableness of that parliament in the 35th of Eliza- beth, or of the queen herself, as to think they did by that law intend the oppressing of any of God’s ordinances, or the interrupting any in the way of God ; but men may, in the wresting of it, turn it against the way of God ; but take the law in itself and it only fighteth against those that drive at mischief in their hearts and meeting, making religion only their cloak, colour, or pretence, for so are the words of the statute : ‘ If any meetings, under colour or pretence of religion,’ ” etc. “ Very good,” said he, “ therefore the king, seeing that pretences are usually in and among people so as to make religion their pretence only, therefore he, and the law before him, doth forbid such private meetings, and tolerates only public — you may meet in public.” THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 155 Sir,” said I, let me answer you in a similitude : set the case that at such a wood corner there did usually' come forth thieves to do mischief, must there therefore a. law be made that everyone that cometh out there shall be killed ? May not there come out from thence true mem as well as thieves ? Just thus is it in this case : I do think there may be many that may design the destruction of the commonwealth, but it doth not follow therefore that all private meetings are unlawful ; those that trans- gress let them be punished : and if at any time I myself should do any act in my conversation as doth not become a man and Christian, let me bear the punishment. And as for your saying I may meet in public, if I may be suffered I would gladly do it ; let me have but meeting enough in public and I shall care the less to have them in private. I do not meet in private because I am afraid to have meetings in public. I bless the Lord that my heart is at that point that if any man can lay anything to my charge, either in doctrine or in practice, in this particular,, that can be proved error or heresy, I am willing to disowa it, even in the very market-place ; but if it be truth, then to stand to it to the last drop of my blood. And sir,” said I, “ you ought to commend me for so doing. To err and to be a heretic are two things ; I am no heretic,, because I will not stand refractorily to defend any one thing that is contrary to the Word ; prove any thing which I hold to be an error, and I will recant it.” “ But, goodman Bunyan,” said he, me thinks you need not stand so strictly upon this one thing, as to have meetings of such public assemblies. Cannot you submit,, and, notwithstanding, do as much good as you can, in a neighbourly way, without having such meetings ? ” “ Truly, sir,” said I, “ I do not desire to commend 156 GRACE ABOUNDING TO xnyself, but to think meanly of myself ; yet when I do most despise myself, I cannot help taking notice of that small measure of light which God hath given me ; also that the people of the Lord, by their own saying, are edified thereby : besides, when I see that the Lord, through grace, hath in some measure blessed my labour, I dare not but exercise that gift which God hath given me,^for the good of the people.” And I said further that I would willingly speak in public if I might.” He said that I might come to the public assemblies and hear. “ What, though you do not preach, you may hear. Do not think yourself so well enlightened, and that you have received a gift so far above others ; but that you may hear other men preach.” Or to that purposet j I told him I was as willing to be taught as to give lihstruction, and I looked upon it as my duty to do both, Y for,” said I, a man that is a teacher, he himself may iearn also from another that teacheth, as the apostle saith, ‘ We may all prophesy one by one, that all may learn.’ That is, every man that hath received a gift from God, he may dispense it, that others may be comforted, and when he hath done he may hear, and learn, and be comforted himself of others.” But,” said he, “ what if you should forbear awhile, and sit still, till you see further how things will go ? ” '^‘Sir,” said I, “Wickliff saith that ‘he which leaveth off preaching and hearing of the word of God for fear of excommunication of men, he is already excommunicated of God, and shall in the day of judgment be counted a traitor to Christ.” “ Ay,” saith he ; “ they that do not hear shall be so counted indeed ; do you therefore hear.” THE CHIEF OF SINNEES. 157 “ Blit, sir,” saith I, “ he saith, ‘ he that shall leave off either preaching or hearing,’ etc. ; that is, if he hath re- ceived a gift for edification, it is his sin if he doth not lay it out in a way of exhortation and counsel, according to the proportion of his gift ; as well as to spend his time altogether in hearing others preg,ch.” “But,” said he, “how shall we know that you have received a gift ? ” Said I, “ Let any man hear and search, and prove the doctrine by the Bible.” “But will you be willing,” said he, “that two in- different persons shall determine the case ; and will you stand by their judgment ? ” I said, “ Are they infallible ? ” He said, “ No.” “ Then,” said I, “ it is possible my judgment may be as good as theirs : but yet I will pass by either, and in this matter be judged by the Scriptures ; I am sure that is infallible, and cannot err.” “ But,” said he, “ who shall be judge between you ; for you take the scriptures one way, and they another ? ” I said, “ The scripture should ; and that by comparing one scripture with another ; for that will open itself if it be rightly compared. As for instance if under the different apprehensions of the word mediator, you would know the truth of it, the scriptures open it, and tell us that he that is a mediator must take up the business between two, and ‘ a mediator is not a mediator of one, but God is one, and there is one mediator between God and man, even the man Christ Jesus.’ So likewise the scripture calleth Christ a complete, or perfect, or able high priest. That is opened in that he is called man, and also God. His blood also is discovered to be 158 GRACE ABOUNDING TO effectually efficacious by the same things. So the scripture, as touching the matter of meeting together^ etc., doth likewise sufficiently open itself and discover ita meaning.” “ But are you willing,” said he, ‘‘ to stand to the judgment of the church ? ” “ Yes, sir,” said I, “ to the approbation of the church of Grod (the church’s judgment is best expressed in scripture.) ” We had much other discourse, which I cannot well remember, about the laws of the nation, and submission to governors ; after which I told him that, “ I did look upon myself as bound in conscience to walk according to all righteous laws, and that whether there were a king or not ; and if I did anything that was contrary, I did hold it my duty to bear patiently the penalty of the law that was provided against such offenders,” with many more words to the like effect. And said, moreover, that “to cut off all occasions of suspicion from any, as touching the harmlessness of my doctrine in private, I would willingly take the pains to give any one the notes of all my sermons, for I do sincerely desire to live quietly in my country, and to submit to the present authority.” “ Well, neighbour Bunyan,” said he, “ but indeed I would wish you seriously to consider of these things, between this and the quarter sessions, and to submit yourself. You may do much good if you continue still in the land, but, alas ! what benefit will it be to your friends, or what good can you do to them, if you should be sent away beyond the seas into Spain, or Constanti- nople, or some other remote part of the world ? Pray be ruled.” “ Indeed,” said the jailer, “ sir, I hope he will be ruled.” THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 169 I shall desire,” said I, in all godliness and honesty, to behave myself in the nation whilst I am in it. And if I must be so dealt withal, as you say, I hope God will help me to bear what they shall lay upon me. I know no evil that I have done in this matter, to be so used. I speak as in the presence of God.” “ You know,” saith he, “ that the scripture saith, ‘ the powers that be are ordained of God.’ ” I said, “ Yes,” and that I was to submit to the king as supreme, and also to the governors, as to them who are sent by him.” “ Well then,” said he, “ the king then commands you that you should not have any private meetings ; because it is against his law, and he is ordained of God, therefore you should not have any.” I told him that Paul did own the powers that were in his day to be of God ; and yet he was often in prison under them for all that. And also, though J esus Christ told Pilate that he had no power against him, but of God, yet he died under the same Pilate ; and yet,” said I, I hope you will not say that either Paul or Christ were such as did deny magistracy, and so sinned against God in slighting the ordinance. Sir,” said I, “ the law hath provided two ways of obeying : the .one to do that which I in my conscience do believe that I am bound to do, actively ; and where I cannot obey actively, there I am willing to lie down, and to suffer what they shall do unto me.” At this he sat still and said no more ; which when he had done I did thank him for his civil and meek discoursing with me ; and so we parted. Oh ! that we might meet in heaven ! Farewell 160 GRACE ABOUNDING TO A Discourse hetweeur-miy Wife and the Judges^ with others, touching mnj Belirerance at the Assizes following ; the which I took from her own Mouth. After that I had received this sentence of banishing, or hanging, from them, and after the former admonition^ touching the determination of the justices, if I did not recant ; just when the time drew nigh, in which I should have abjured, or have done worse (as Mr. Cobb told me)^ came the time in which the king was to be crowned, April 23rd, 1661. Now at the coronation of kings^ there is usually a releasement of divers prisoners, by virtue of his coronation ; in which privilege also I should have had my share ; but that they took me for a convicted person^ and therefore, unless I sued out a pardon (as they called it), I could have no benefit thereby, notwithstanding, yet forasmuch as the coronation proclamation did give liberty from the day the king was crowned to that day twelve- month to sue it out : therefore, though they would not let me out of prison as they let out thousands, yet they could not meddle with me, as touching the execution of their sentence, because of the liberty offered for the suing out of pardons. Whereupon I continued in prison till the next assizes, which are called Midsummer assizes,, being then kept in August, 1661. Now at that assizes, because I would not leave any pos- sible means unattempted that might be lawful, I did, by my wife, present a petition to the judges three times that I might be heard, and that they would impartially take my case into consideration. The first time my wife went, she presented it to Judge Hale, who very mildly received it at her hand, telling her THE CHIEF OP SINNERS. 161 that he would do her and me the best good he could ; but he feared, he said, he could do none. The next day again, lest they should through the multitude of business for- get me, we did throw another petition into the coach to Judge Twisdon who, when he had seen it, snapt her up, and angrily told her that I was a convicted person, and could not be released unless I would promise to preach no more, etc. Well, after this, she yet again presented another to Judge Hale as he sat on the bench, who, as it seemed, was willing to give her audience. Only Justice Chester being present, stepped up and said that I was convicted in the court, and that I was a hot-spirited fellow (or words to that purpose), whereat he waived it, and did not meddle therewith. But yet, my wife being encouraged by the high-sheriff, did venture once more into their pre- sence (as the poor widow did before the unjust judge) to try what she could do with them for my liberty before they went forth of the town. The place where she went to them was to the Swan chamber, where the two judges and many justices and gentry of the country were in com- pany together. She then coming into the chamber with abashed face, and a trembling heart, began her errand to them, in this manner : “ My lord (directing herself to Judge Hale), I make bold to come once again to your lordship, to know what may be done with my husband.” To whom he said, “ Woman, I told thee before I could do thee no good ; because they have taken that for a con- viction which thy husband spoke at the sessions ; and unless there be something done to undo that, I can do thee no good.” “ My lord,” said she, “ he is kept unlawfully in prison ; F— 39 GRACE ABOUNDING TO 162 they clapped Mm up before there were any proclamation against the meetings ; the indictment also is false ; besides they never asked him whether he was guilty or no ; neither did he confess the indictment. Then one of the justices that stood by, whoni she knew not, said, “ My lord, he was lawfully convicted.” “ It is false,” said she, “ for when they said to him, ‘ do you confess the indictment?’ he said only this, that he iiad been at several meetings, both where there were preaching the word and prayer, and that they had God’s presence among them.” Whereat Judgfe Twisdon answered very angrily, saying, What you think we can do what we list ; your husband is a breaker of the peace, and is convicted by the law,” etc. Whereupon Judge Hale called for the statute- book. “ But,” said she, “ my lord, he was not lawfully con- victed.” 1 G n Then Justice Chester said “ My lord, he was lawfully convicted,” “ It is false,” said she ; “ it was but a word of discourse that they took for a conviction (as you heard before).” “ But • it is recorded, woman ; it is recorded, said Justice Chester. As if it must be of necessity true be- cause it was recorded. With wMch words he often endeavoured to stop her mouth, having no other argu- ment to convince her, but “ It is recorded, it is recorded. “ My lord,” said she, “ I was awMle since at London, to see if I could get my husband’s liberty, and there I spoke with my lord Barkwood, one of the House of Lords, to whom I delivered a petition, who took it of me and presented it to some of the rest of the House of Lords, for my husband’s reieasement : who, when they had seen it. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 163 they said that they could not release him, but had com- mitted his releasement to the judges at the next assizes. This he told me ; and now I am come to you to see if any- thing may be done in this business, and you give neither releasement nor relief.” To which they gave her no answer, but made as if they heard her not, only Justice Chester was often up with this, “ He is convicted,” and it is recorded.” If it be, it is false,” said she, “My lord,” said Justice Chester, “ he is a pestilent fellow ; there is not such a fellow in the country again.” “ What,” said Judge Twisdon, “ will your husband leave preaching ? If he will do so, then send for him.” “ My lord,” said she, “ he dares not leave preaching as long as he can speak.” “ See here,” said Judge Twisdon, “ what should we talk any more about such a fellow ? Must he do what he lists ? He is a breaker of the peace.” She told him again that “ he desired to live peaceably, and to follow his calling, that his family might be main- tained;” and “moreover,” said she, “my lord, I have four small children that cannot help themselves, one of which is blind ; and we have nothing to live upon but the charity of good people.” “ Hast thou four children ? ” said Judge Hale ; “ thou art but a young woman to have four children.” “ My lord,” said she, “ I am but mother-in-law to them, having not been married to him yet full two years. Indeed I was with child when my husband was first ap- prehended ; but being young, and unaccustomed to such things,” said she, “ I being smayed at the news, fell into labour, and so continued for eight days, and then was delivered, but my child died ” 164 GRACE ABOUNDING TO Whereat, Judge Hale looking very soberly on the matter, said, “ Alas, poor woman ! ” But 'Judge Twisdon told her that “she made poverty a cloak ; and said, moreover, that he understood, I was maintained better by running up and down a preaching than by following my calling.” “ AVhat is his calling ? ” said Judge Hale. Then some of the company that stood by said, “ A tinker, my lord.” “Yes,” said she, “and because he is a tinker, and a poor man, therefore he is despised, and cannot have justice.” Then Judge Hale answered very mildly, saying, “ I tell thee, woman, seeing it is so, that they have taken what thy husband spake for a conviction ; thou must either apply thyself to the king, or sue out his pardon, or get a writ of error.” But when Justice Chester heard him give her this counsel, and especially (as she supposed) because he spoke of a writ of error, he chafed, and seemed to be very much offended, saying, “ My lord, he will preach and do what he lists.” “ He preacheth nothing but the word of God,” said she. “ He preach the word of God ! ” said Twisdon ; and withal, she thought he would have struck her ; “ he runneth up and down, and doth harm.” “ No, my lord,” said she ; “ it is not so. God hath owned him, and done much good by him.” “ God ! ” said he. “ His doctrine is the doctrine of the devil.” “ My lord,” said she, “ when the righteous Judge shall appear, it will be known that his doctrine is not the doctrine of the devil.” THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 165 “My lord,” said he to Judge Hale, “do not mind her, but send her away,” Then said Judge Hale, “ I am sorry, woman, that I can do thee no good ; thou must do one of those three things aforesaid — namely, either to apply thyself to the king, or sue out his pardon, or get a writ of error ; but a writ of error will be cheapest.” At which Chester again seemed to be in a chafe, and put off his hat, and, as she thought, scratched his head for anger. “ But when I saw,” said she, “ that there was no prevailing to have my husband sent for, though I often desired them that they would send for him, that he might speak for himself, telling them that he could give them better satisfaction than I could in what they demanded of him, with several other things, which now I forget ; only this I remember that, though I was somewhat timorous at my first entrance into the chamber, yet before I went out I could not but break forth into tears, not so much because they were so hardhearted against me and my husband, but to think what a sad account such poor creatures will have to give at the coming of the Lord, when they shall there answer for all things whatsoever they have done in the body, whether it be good, or whether it be bad. So, when I departed from them, the book of statutes was brought, but what they said of it I know nothing at all, neither did I hear any more from them.” 166 GRACE ABOUNDING TO Some Carriages of the Adversaries of God's Truth with, me at the next Assizes, which was on the 19th of the first month, 1662. I SHALL pass by what befell between these two assizes, how I liad, by my jailer, some liberty granted me more than at the first, and how I followed my wonted course of preaching, taking all occasions that were put into my hand to visit the people of God, exhorting them to be steadfast in the faith of Jesus Christ, and to take heed that they touched not the common prayer, etc., but to mind the word of God, which giveth direction to Chris- tians in every point, being “ able to make the man of God perfect in all things through faith in Jesus Christ, and thoroughly to furnish him unto all good works.” Also how I, having, I say, somewhat more liberty, did go to see the Christians at London, which my enemies hearing of were so angry that they had almost cast my jailer out of his place, threatening to indict him, and to do what they could against him. They charged me also that I went thither to plot and raise division and make an insurrec- tion, which, God knows, was a slander ; whereupon my liberty was more straitened than it was before, so that I must not now look out of the door. Well, when the next sessions came, which was about the 10th of the eleventh month, 1661, 1 did expect to have been very roundly dealt withal ; but they passed me by, and would not call me, so that I rested till the assizes, which was held the 19th of the first month, 1662, following ; and when they came, because I had a desire to come before the judge, I desired my jailer to put my name into the calendar among the THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 167 felons, and made friends of the judge and high-sheriff, who promised that I should be called : so that I thought what I had done might have been effectual for the obtaining of my desire, but all was in vain ; for when the assizes came, though my name was in the calendar, and also though both the judge and sheriff had promised that I should appear before them, yet the justices and the clerk of the peace did so work it about that I, notwithstanding, was deferred, and was not suffered to appear ; and although I say I do not know of all their carriages towards me, yet this I know that the clerk of the peace (Mr. Cobb) did discover himself to be one of my greatest opposers : for, first he came to my jailer and told him that I must not go down before the judge, and therefore must not be put into the calendar ; to whom my jailer said that my name was in already. He bid him put it out again ; my jailer told him that he could not, for he had given the judge a calendar with my name in it, and also the sheriff another. At which he was very much dis- pleased, and desired to see that calendar that was yet in my jailer’s hand, who, when he had given it him, he looked on it, and said it was a false calendar ; he also took the calendar and blotted out my accusation, as my jailer had written it (which accusation I cannot tell what it was, because it was so blotted out), and he himself put in words to this purpose : “ That John Bunyan was committed to prison, being lawfully convicted for upholding of un- lawful meetings and conventicles,” etc. But yet for all this, fearing that what he had done, unless he added thereto, it would not do, he first ran to the clerk of the assizes, then to the justices, and afterwards, because he would not leave any means unattempted to hinder me, he came again to my jailer, and told him that if I did go 168 GRACE ABOUNDING TO down before the judge, and was released, he would make him pay my fees, which he said was due to him ; and further told him that he would complain of him at the next quarter sessions for making of false calendars, though my jailer himself, as I afterwards learned, had put in my accusation worse than, in itself it was by far. And thus was I hindered and prevented at that time also from appearing before the judge, and left in prison. Farewell. John Bunyan. THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 169 % Reflections upon my Imprisonment. Having made profession of the glorious gospel of Christ a long time, and preached the same about five years, I was apprehended at a meeting of good people in the country (among whom, had they let me alone, I should have preached that day, but they took me away from amongst them) and had me before a justice, who, after I had offered security for my appearing the next sessions, yet committed me, because my sureties would not consent to be bound that I should preach no more to the people. At the sessions after I was indicted for an upholder and maintainer of unlawful assemblies and conventicles, and for not conforming to the national worship of the Church of England ; and after some conference there with the justices, they taking my plain dealing with them for a confession, as they termed it, of the indictment, did sentence me to a perpetual banishment, because I refused to conform. So being again delivered up to the jailer’s hands, I was had home to prison, and there have lain now complete twelve years, waiting to see what God would suffer these men to do with me. In which condition I have continued with much con- tent through grace, but have met with many turnings and goings upon my heart, both from the Lord, Satan, and my own corruptions, by all which (glory be to Jesus Christ), I have also received among many things much convic- tion, instruction, and understanding, of which at large I shall not here discourse, only give you a hint or two, a word that may stir up the godly to bless God, and to pray for me, and also to take encouragement, should the 170 GRACE ABOUNDING TO Cease be their own. not to fear what man can do unto them. I never had in all my life so great an inlet into the word of God as now. Those scriptures that I saw nothing in before were made in this place and state to shine upon mo ; J esus Christ also was never more real and apparent than now ; here I have seen and felt him indeed. Oh ! that word, “ We have not preached unto you cunningly devised fables,” and that, “ God raised Christ from the dead, and gave him glory, that our faith and hope might be in God,” were blessed words unto me in this my im- prisoned condition. These three or four scriptures also have been great re- freshments in this condition to me : “ Let not your heart be troubled ; ye believe in God, believe also in me. — In my Father’s house are many mansions ; if it were not so I would have told you. — I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will com^ again and receive you to myself, that where I am there ye may be also. — And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. — These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation ; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. — For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Chi;ist in God ; when Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. — But ye are come to Mount Zion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels. To the general assembly and church of the first- born which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all ; and to the spirits of just men made perfect ; and to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant ; and to the blood of sprinkling that speaketh better things than that THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 171 of Abel.” So that sometimes when I have enjoyed the savour of them, I have been able to “ laugh at destruc- tion,” and to fear neither the horse nor his rider. I have had sweet sights of the forgiveness of my sins in this place, and of my being with Jesus in another world : Oh I “ the Mount Sion, the heavenly Jerusalem, the innumer- able company of angels, and Ood the Judge of all, and the spirits of just men made perfect, and Jesus,” have been sweet unto me in this place. I have seen that here that I am persuaded I shall never, while in this world, be able to express. I have seen a truth in this [scripture, “ Whom having not seen, ye love ; in whom, though now you see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy un- speakable and full of glory.” I never knew what it was for G-od to stand by me at all turns, and at every offer of Satan to afflict me, etc., as I have found him since I came in hither. For look how fears have presented themselves to have supports and en- couragements ; yea, when I have started even as it were at nothing else but my shadow, yet G-od, as being very tender of me, hath not suffered me to be molested, but would with one scripture or another strengthen me against all ; insomuch that I have often said, were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater comfort’s sake. “ Consider the work of G-od, for who can make that straight which he hath made crooked. In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider. G-od also hath set the one over against the other, to the end that man should find nothing after him. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our con- solation also aboundeth in Christ.” Before I came to prison, I saw what was coming, and had especially two considerations warm Upon my heart. 172 GRACE ABOUNDING TO The first was, how to be able to encounter death should that be here my portion. For the first of these that scripture was great information to me, namely, to pray to God “ to be strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness.” I could seldom go to prayer before I was imprisoned ; for not so little as a year together, but this sentence, or sweet petition, would, as it were, thrust itself into my mind, and persuade me that if ever I would go through long-suffering, I must have patience, especially if I would endure it joyfully. As to the second consideration, that saying was of great use to me, “ But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we might not trust in ourselves, but in God that raiseth the dead.” By this scripture I was made to see that if ever I would suffer rightly, I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything that can properly be called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, my wife, my children, my health, my enjoyments, and all as dead to me, and myself as dead to them. The second was to live upon God that is invisible, as Paul said in another place, the way not to faint is, “ To look not on the things that are seen, but at the things that are not seen ; for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things that are not seen are eternal.” And thus I reasoned with myself, if I provide only for a prison, then the whip comes at unawares, and so doth also the pillory. Again, if I only provide for these, then I am not fit for banishment. Further, if I conclude that banishment is the worst, then if death comes I am sur- prised ; so that I see the best way to go through sufferings is to trust in God through Christ, as touching the world to come ; and as touching this world, “ to count THE CHIET OP SINNERS. 173 the grave my house, to make my bed in darkness ; to say to corruption, ‘ Thou art my father,’ and to the worm, * Thou art my mother and sister ; ’ ” that is, to familiarise these things to me. But notwithstanding these helps, I found myself a man encompassed with infirmities. The parting with my wife and poor children hath often been to me in this place as the pulling the flesh from the bones, and that not only because I am somewhat too fond of these great mercies, but also because I should have often brought to my mind the many hardships, miseries, and wants that my poor family was like to meet with should I be taken from them, especially my poor blind child, who lay nearer my heart than all beside. Oh ! the thoughts of the hardship I thought my poor blind one might go under would break my heart to pieces. Poor child ! thought I, what sorrow art thou like to have for thy portion in this world ! Thou must be beaten, must beg, suffer hunger, coldj nakedness, and a thousand calamities, though I cannot now endure the wind should blow upon thee. But yet recalling myself, thought I, I must venture you all with God, though it goeth to the quick to leave you. Oh ! I saw in this con- dition I was as a man who was pulling down his house upon the head of his wife and children ; yet, thought I, I must do it, I must do it : and now I thought on those two milch kine that were to carry the ark of God into another country, and to leave their calves behind them.” But that which helped me in this temptation were divers considerations, of which three in special here I will name. The first was the consideration of these two scriptures, “ Leave thy fatherless children ; I will pre- serve them alive, and let thy widows trust in me ; ” and 174 GRACE ABOUNDING. TO again, “ The Lord said, Verily it shall go well with thy remnant, verily, I will cause the enemy to entreat them, well in the time of evil, and in time of affliction.” I had also this consideration, that if I should venture all for Grod, I engaged G-od to take care of my concern- ments ; but if I forsook him in his ways, for fear of any trouble that should come to me or mine, then I should not only falsify my profession, but should count also that my concernments were not so sure, if left at G-od’s feet, whilst I stood to and for his name, as they would be if they were under my own care, though with the denial of the way of God. This was a smarting consideration, and as spurs unto my flesh. That scripture also greatly helped it to fasten the more upon me, where Christ prays against Ju^as, that God would disappoint him in his selflsh thoughts, which moved him to sell his master. Pray read it soberly. “ Set thou a wicked man over him, and let Satan stand at his right hand. When he shall be judged let him be condemned, and let his prayer become sin : Let his days be few, and let another take his office : Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow : Let his children be continually vagabonds and beg ; let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places, etc. Be- cause that he remembered not to show mercy, but perse- cuted the poor and needy man that he might even slay the broken in heart.” I had also another consideration, and that was the dread of the torments of hell, which I was sure they must partake of that for fear of the Cross do shrink from their profession of Christ, his words and law before the sons of men ; I thought also of the glory that he had prepared for those that in faith, and love, and patience, stood to his ways before them. These things, I say, have THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 175 helped me when the thoughts of the misery that both myself and mine might for the sake of my profession be exposed to hath lain pinching on my mind. When I have indeed conceited that I might be banished for my profession, then I have thought of that scripture : They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword, they wandered about in sheep-skins and goat-skins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented, of whom the world was not worthy ; ” for all they thought they were too bad to dwell and abide amongst them. I have also thought of that saying, the Holy G-host witnesseth in every city that bonds and afflictions abide me.” I have verily thought that my soul and it have sometimes reasoned about the sore and sad estate of a banished and exiled condition, how they were exposed to hunger, to cold, to perils, to nakedness, to enemies, and a thousand calamities, and at last, it may be, to die in a ditch like a poor and desolate sheep. But I thank God hitherto I have not been moved by these most delicate reasonings, but have rather by them more ap- proved my heart to God. I will tell you a pretty business : — I was once above all the rest in a very sad and low condition for many weeks, at which time alsO; I being but a young prisoner and not acquainted with the laws, I had this lying much upon my spirits, “ that my imprisonment might end at the gallows for ought that I could tell.” Now therefore Satan laid hard at me, to beat me out of heart by suggesting thus unto me : “ But how if, when you come indeed to die, you should be in this condition ; that is, as not to savour the things of God, nor to have any evidence upon your soul for a better state hereafter ? ” for indeed at that time aU the things of God were hid from my soul. 176 GRACE ABOUNDING TO Wherefore, when I first began to think of this, it was a great trouble to me ; for I thought with myself that in the condition I now was, I was not fit to die, neither indeed did I think I could if I should be called to it ; besides, I thought with myself, if I should make a scram- bling shift to clamber up the ladder, yet I should either with quaking or other symptoms of fainting give occa- sion to the enemy to reproach the way of G-od and his people for their timorousness. This therefore lay with great trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed to die with a pale face and tottering knees in such a case as this. Wherefore I prayed to G-od that he would comfort me and give me strength to do and suffer me what he should call me to ; yet no comfort appeared, but all continued hid. I was also at this time so really possessed with the thought of death that oft I was as if I was on the ladder with a rope about my neck ; only this was some en- couragement to me — I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words unto a multitude, which I thought would come to see me die ; and, thought I, if it must be so, if G-od will but convert one soul by my last words, I shall not count my life thrown away nor lost. But yet all the things of G-od were kept out of my sight, and still the tempter followed me with “ But whither must you go when you die ? what will become of you ? where will you be found in another world t what evidence have you for heaven and glory, and an in- heritance among them that are sanctified ? ” Thus was T tossed for many weeks, and knew not what to do ; at last this consideration fell with weight upon me, “ that ft was for the word and way of G-od that I was in this THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 177 condition,” wherefore I was engaged not to flinch a hair’s breadth from it. I thought also that G-od might choose whether he would give me comfort now or at the hour of death ; but I might not therefore choose whether I would hold my profession or no : I was bound but he was free, yea, it was my duty to stand to his word, whether he would ever look upon me or save me at the last ; wherefore, thought I, save the point being thus, I am for going on and venturing my eternal state with Christ, whether I have comfort here or no ; if G-od doth not come in, thought I,. “ I will leap off the ladder even blindfold into eternity, sink or swim, come heaven, come hell. Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do ; if not, I will venture for thy name.” I was no sooner fixed in this resolution but this word dropped upon me, “ Doth Job serve Grod for nought ? ” As if the accuser had said, “ Lord, Job is no upright man : he serves thee for by-respects ; hast thou not made a hedge about him ? etc. But put forth now thine hand, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.” How now ! thought I, is this the sign of an up- right soul to desire to serve Grod when all is taken from him ? Is he a godly man that will serve G-od for nothing rather than give out ? Blessed be G-od ! then I hope I have an upright heart, for I am resolved — God giving me strength — never to deny my profession, though I have nothing at all for my pains : and as I was thus consider- ing that scripture was set before me, “ Thou sellest thy people for nought, and dost not increase thy wealth by their price : Thou makest us a reproach to our neighbours, a scorn and derision to those that are round about us : Thou makest us a by-word among the heathen, a shaking 178 GBACE ABOUNDING TO of the head among the people : My confusion is continu- ally before me, and the shame of my face hath covered me : For the voice of him that reproacheth and blas- phemeth, by the reason of the enemy and avenger : All this is come upon us, yet have we not forgotten thee, neither have we dealt falsely in thy covenant : Our heart is not turned back, neither have our steps declined from thy way, though thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons, and covered us with the shadow of death.” Now was my heart full of comfort, for I hoped it was sincere ; I would not have been without this trial for much ; I am comforted every time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless G-od for ever for the teachings I have had by it. Many more of the dealings towards me I might relate, But these out of the spoils won in battle I have dedicated to maintain the house of God.” THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 17 ^ Concluding Reflections. Of all the temptations that ever I met with in my life, to question the being of God and the truth of his gospel i» the worst, and the worst to be borne ; when this tempta- tion comes it takes away my girdle from me, and removeth the foundation from under me. Oh ! I have often thought of that word, Have your loins girt about you with truth ; ” and of that, “ When the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do ? ” Sometimes, when after sin committed, I have looked for sore chastisement from the hand of God, the very ^ext that I have had from him hath been the discovery of his grace. Sometimes, when I have been comforted, I have called mysslf a fool for my so sinking under trouble. And then again, when I have been cast down, I thought I was not wise to give such way to comfort ; with such strength and weight have both these been upon me. I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God doth visit my soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found again that such hours have attended me afterwards that I have been in my spirit sa filled with darkness that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and that comfort was with which I have been refreshed. I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible than I could well tell how to stand under ; and yet at another time the whole Bible hath been to me as a dry stick ; or rather, my heart hath been so d«ead and dry unto it that I could not conceive the least dram of refreshment, though I have looked it all over. 180 GRACE ABOUNDING TO Of all fears they are best that are made by the blood of Christ ; and of all joy that is the sweetest that is mixed with mourning over Christ. Oh ! it is a goodly thing to be on our knees, with Christ in our arms, before God : I hope I know something of these things. I find to this day seven abominations in my heart : 1. Inclining to unbelief ; 2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ manifesteth ; 3. A leaning to the works of the law ; 4. Wanderings and coldness in prayer ; 5. To forget to watch for that I pray for ; 6. Apt to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have ; 7. I can do none of those things which God commands me, but my corruptions will thrust in themselves. “ When I would do good, evil is present with me.” These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with, yet the wisdom of God doth order them for my good ; 1. They make me abhor myself ; 2. They keep me from trusting my heart ; 3. They convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteous- uess ; 4. They show me the necessity of flying to Jesus ; 5. They press me to pray unto God ; 6. They show me the need I have to watch and be sober ; 7. And provoke me to pray unto God, through Christ, to help me, and carry me through this world. THE CHIEF OP SINNERS. 181 A Continuation of Mr. Bitnyan's life ; beginning where he left off, and concluding with the Time and Manner of his Death and Burial : together with his true * Cha- racter, etc, Reader, — The painful and industrious author of this hook has already given you a faithful and very moving relation of the beginning and middle of the days of his pilgrimage on earth ; and since there yet remains some- what worthy of notice and regard, which occurred in the last scene of his life, the which, for want of time, or fear, some over-censorious people should impute it to him as an earnest coveting of praise from men, he has not left behind him in writing. Wherefore, as a true friend, and long acquaintance of Mr. Bunyan’s, that his good end may be known, as well as his evil beginning, I have taken upon me, from my knowledge, and the best account given by other of his friends, to piece this to the thread too soon broken off, and so lengthen it out to his entering upon eternity. He has told you at large of his birth and education ; the evil habits and corruptions of his youth ; the tempta- tions he struggled and conflicted so frequently with ; the mercies, comforts, and deliverances he found ; how he came to take upon him the preaching of the G-ospel ; the slanders, reproaches, and imprisonments that attended him ; and the progress he notwithstanding made (by the assistance of Grod’s grace) no doubt to the saving of many souls : therefore take these things, as he himself hath methodically laid them down in the words of verity ; and so I pass on to what remains. 182 GRACE ABOUNDING TO After his being freed from his twelve years’ imprison* ment and upwards, for nonconformity, wherein he had time to furnish the world with sundry good books, etc. and by his patience to move Dr. Barlow, 'the then Bishop of Lincoln, and other churchmen, to pity his hard and unreasonable sufferings, so far as to stand very much his friends, in procuring his enlargement, or there perhaps he- had died, by the noisomeness and ill-usage of the place. Being how, I say, again at liberty, and having through mercy shaken off his bodily fetters — for those upon his soul were broken before by the abounding grace that filled his heart — he went to visit those that had been a comfort to him in his tribulation, and with a Christian- like acknowledgment of their kindness and enlargement of charity ; giving encouragement by his example, if it happened to be their hard haps to fall, into affliction or trouble, then to suffer patiently for the sake of a good conscience, and for the love of G-od in Jesus Christ towards their souls, and by many cordial persuasions, supported some whose spirits began to sink low, through the fear of danger that threatened their worldly concern- ment, so that the people found a wonderful consolation in his discourse and admonitions. As often as opportunity would admit, he gathered them together (though the law was then in force against meet- ings) in convenient places, and fed them with the sincere milk of the Word, that they might grow up in grace thereby. To such as were anywhere taken and impri- soned upon these accounts, he made it another part of his business to extend his charity, and gather relief for such of them as wanted. He took great care to visit the sick, and strengthen them against the suggestions of the tempter, which at THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 183 some times are very prevalent ; so that they had cause for ever to bless God, who had put it into his heart, at such a time, to rescue them from the power of the roar- ing lion, who sought to devour them ; nor did he spare any pains or labour in travel, though to the remotest countries, where he knew or imagined any people might stand in need of his assistance ; insomuch that some, by these visitations that he had made, which were two or three every year (some, though in jeering manner no doubt, gave him the epithet of Bishop Bunyan) whilst others envied him for his so earnestly labouring in Christ’s vineyard ; yet the seed of the word he all this while sowed in the hearts of his congregation, watered with the grace of God, brought forth in abundance, in bringing in disciples to the church of Christ. Another part of his time he spent in reconciling dif- ferences, by which he hindered many mischiefs, and saved some families from ruin, and in such fallings-out he was uneasy till he found a means to labour a reconciliation, and become a peace-maker, on whom a blessing is pro- mised in holy writ ; and indeed in doing this good office he may be said to sum up his days, it being the last undertaking of his life, as will appear in the close of this paper. When in the late reign, liberty of conscience was unex- pectedly given and indulged to dissenters of all pursua- sions, his piercing wit penetrated the veil, and found that it was not for the dissenters’ sakes they were so suddenly freed from the prosecutions that had long lain heavy upon them, and set in a manner, on an equal foot with the Church of England, which the papists were undermining, and about to subvert : he foresaw all the advantages that could redound to the dissenters would have been no 184 GRACE ABOUNDING TO more than what Polyphemus, the monstrous giant of Sicily, would have allowed Ulysses, viz., that he would eat his men first, and do him the favour of being eaten last : for although Mr. Bunyan, following the examples of others, did lay hold of this liberty, as an acceptable thing in itself, knowing G-od is the only Lord of con- science, and that it is good at all times to do according to the dictates of a good conscience, and that the preaching the glad tidings of the Gospel is beautiful in the preacher ; yet in all this he moved with caution and a holy fear, earnestly praying for the averting the impending judg- ments, which he saw, like a black tempest, hanging over our heads for our sins, and ready to break in upon us, and that the Ninevites’ remedy was now highly necessary : hereupon he gathered his congregation at Bedford, where he mostly lived, and had lived and spent the greatest part of his life ; and there being no convenient place to be had for the entertainment of so great a confluence of people as followed him upon the account of his teaching, he consulted with them for the building of a meeting- house, to which they made their voluntary contributions with all cheerfulness and alacrity ; and the first time he appeared there to edify, the place was so thronged that many were constrained to stay without, though the house was very spacious, every one striving to partake of his instructions that were of his persuasion, and show their goodwill towards him by being present at the opening of the place ; and here he lived in much peace and quiet of mind, contenting himself with that little God had bestowed upon him, and sequestering himself from all secular employments, to follow that of his call to the ministry ; for as God said to Moses, “ he that made the lips and heart can give eloquence and THE CHIEF OP SINNERS. 185 wisdom,” without extraordinary acquirements in an university. During these things, there were regulators sent into all cities and towns corporate to new model the govern- ment in the magistracy, etc., by turning out some and putting in others ; against this Mr. Bunyan expressed his zeal with some weariness, as foreseeing the bad conse- quence that would attend it, and laboured with his congregation to prevent their being imposed on in this kind ; and when a great man in those days, coming to Bedford upon some such errand, sent for him, as it is supposed, to give him a place of public trust, he would by no means come at him, but sent his excuse. When he was at leisure from writing and teaching, he often came up to London, and there went among the con- gregations of the nonconformists, and used his talent to the great good-liking of the hearers ; and even some of whom he had been misrepresented, upon the account of his education, were convinced of his worth and knowledge in sacred things as perceiving him to be a man of sound judgment, delivering himself plainly and powerfully ; insomuch that many who came spectators for novelty, rather than to be edified and improved, went away well satisfied with what they heard, and wondered, as the Jews did at the apostles, viz., “ Whence this man should have these things ; ” perhaps not considering that God more immediately assists those that make it their busi- ness industriously and cheerfully to labour in his vine- yard. Thus he spent his latter years in imitation of his great Lord and Master, the ever-blessed Jesus ; he went about doing good, so that the most pr3dng critic, or even Malice herself is defied to find, even upon the narrowest 186 GRACE ABOUNDING TO search, or conservation, any sully or stain upon his reputation, with which he may be justly charged ; and this we note, as a challenge to those that have the least regard for him, or them of his persuasion, and have, one way or other, appeared in the front of those that oppressed him ; and for the turning whose hearts, in obedience to the commission and commandment given him of God, he frequently prayed, and sometimes sought a blessing for them, even with tears, the effects of which they may, peradventure, though undeservedly, have found in their persons friends, relations, or estates ; for God will hear the prayer of the faithful, and answer them, even for them that vex them, as it happened in the case of Jacob’s praying for the three persons that had been grievous in their reproaches against him, even in the day of his sorrow. But yet let me come a little nearer to particulars and periods of time, for the better refreshing the memories of those that knew his labour and sufferings, and for the satisfaction of all that shall read this book. After he was sensibly convicted of the wicked state of his life, and converted, he was baptized into the congre- gation, and admitted a member thereof, viz., in the year 1655, and became speedily a very zealous professor ; but upon the return of King Charles to the crown in 1660, he was the 12th of November taken, as he was edifying some good people that were got together to hear the word, and confined in Bedford jail for the space of six years, till the act of indulgence to dissenters being allowed, he obtained his freedom by the intercession of some in trust and power that took pity on his sufferings ; but within six years afterwards he was again taken up, viz., in the year 1666, and was then confined for six years THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 187 more, when the jailer took such pity of his rigorous sufferings that he did as the Egyptian jailer did to Joseph, put all the care and trust in his hand. When he was taken this last time, he was preaching on these words, viz., “ Dost thou believe the Son of God ? ” And this imprisonment continued six years, and when this was over, another short affliction, which was an imprison- ment of half a year, fell to his share. During these con- finements he wrote the following hooks, viz., “ Of Prayer by the Spirit,” “ The Holy City’s Resurrection,” Grace Abounding,” “ Pilgrim’s Progress,” the first part. In the last year of his twelve year’s imprisonment, the pastor of the congregation at Bedford died, and he was chosen to that care of souls on the 12th of December, 1671. And in this his charge he often had disputes with scholars that came to oppose him, as supposing him an ignorant person, and though he argued plainly, and by scripture, without phrases and logical expressions, yet he nonplussed one who came to oppose him in his congrega- tion, by demanding whether or no we had the true copies of the original scriptures ; and another, when he was preaching, accused him of uncharitableness, for saying, “ It was very hard for most to be saved ; ” saying by that he went about to exclude most of his congregation ; but he confuted him, and put him to silence with the parable of the stony ground, and other texts out of the 13th chapter of St. Matthew, in our Saviour’s sermon out of a ship ; all his methods being to keep close to the scriptures, and what he found not varranted there, himself would not warrant nor de- termine, unless in such cases as were plain, wherein no doubts or scruples did arise. But not to make any further mention of this kind, it is 188 GRACE ABOUNDING TO well known that this person managed all his affairs with such exactness as if he had made it his study, above all other things, not to give occasion of offence, but rather suffer many inconveniences, to avoid being never heard to reproach or revile any, what injury soever he received, but rather to rebuke those that did ; and as it was in his conversation, so it is manifested in those books he has caused to be published to the world, where, like the archangel disputing with Satan about the body of Moses, as we find it in the epistle of St. Jude, brings no railing accusation, but leaves the rebukers (those that persecuted him) to the Lord. In his family he kept up a very strict discipline in prayer and exhortation ; being in this like Joshua, as the good man expresses it, viz., ‘‘ Whatsoever others did, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord : ” and indeed a blessing waited on his labours and endeavours, so that his wife, as the psalmist says, ‘‘Was like a pleasant vine upon the walls of his house, and his children like olive branches round his table ; for so shall it be with the man that fears the Lord,” and though by reason of the many losses he sustained by imprisonment and spoil, of his chargeable sickness, etc., his earthly treasure swelled not to excess, he always had sufficient to live decently and creditably, and with that he had the greatest of all treasures, which is content ; for as the wise man says, “ That is a continual feast.” But where content dwells, even a poor cottage is a kingly palace ; and this happiness he had all his life long ; not so much minding this world, as knowing he was here as a pilgrim and stranger, and had no tarrying city, but looked for one made with hands eternal in the highest heavens ; but at length was worn out witk THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. 18 ^ sufferings, age, and often teaching, the day of his dissolu- tion drew near, and death, that unlocks the prison of the soul, to enlarge it for a more glorious mansion, put a stop to his acting his part on the stage of mor- tality ; heaven, like earthly princes, when it threatens war, being always so kind as to call home its ambassadors before it be denounced, and even the last act or under- taking of his was a labour of love and charity ; for it so falling out that a young gentleman, a neighbour of Mr. Bunyan’s, happening into the displeasure of his father, and being much troubled in mind upon that account, and also for that he heard his father purposed to disinherit him, or otherwise deprive him of what he had to leave ; he pitched upon Mr. Bunyan as a fit man to make way for his submission, and prepare his father’s mind to receive him ; and he, as willing to do any good office as it could be requested, as readily undertook it ; and so riding to Reding in Berkshire, he there used such pressing arguments and reasons against anger and passion, as also for love and reconciliation, that the father was mollified, and his bowels yearned to his son. But Mr. Bunyan, after he had disposed all things to the best for accomodation, returning to London, and being overtaken with excessive rains, coming to his lodgings extreme wet, fell sick of a violent fever, which he bore with much constancy and patience, and expressed himself as if he desired nothing more than to be dissolved and be with Christ, in that case esteeming death as gain, and life only a tedious delaying felicity expected ; and finding his vital strength decay, having settled his mind and affairs, as well as the shortness of time, and the vio- lence of his disease would permit, with a constant and Christian patience, he resigned his soul into the hands of 190 GRACE ABOUNDING TO his most merciful Redeemer, following his pilgrim from the City of Destruction to the New Jerusalem ; his better part having been all along there, in holy contem- plation, pantings, and breathings after the hidden manna and water of life, as by many holy and humble consola- tions expressed in his letters to' several persons in prison, too many to be inserted at present. He died at the house of one Mr. Struddock, a grocer, at the Star on Snow Hill, in the parish of St. Sepulchre, London, on the 12th of August, 1688, and^n the sixtieth year of his age, after ten days’ sickness ; and was buried in the new burying place near the Artillery Ground ; where he sleeps till the morning of the resurrection, in hopes of a glorious rising to an incorruptible immortality of joy and happiness ; where no more trouble and sorrow shall afflict him, but all tears be wiped away ; when the just shall be incor- porated as members of Christ their head, and reign with him as kings and priests for ever. I THE CHIEF OF SINNEKS. 191 a'bRIEF character of MR. JOHN RUNYAN. Hf a^eared in countenance to be of a stern and rough temper but in his conversation mild and affable ; not given to loquacity or much discourse in company, unless Sme urgent occasion required it; observing never to boast of himself or his parts, but rather seem low in his own eves and submit himself to the judgment of others, abhorring lying and swearing, being just in all that ay £ his power to his word, not seeming to revenge injurie^ loving to reconcile differences and make friendship with all- he had a sharp quick eye, accompanied with an excellent discerning of persons, being of f and quick wit. As for his person, he was tall of statu e, stroi boned, though not corpulent, somewhat of a ruddy face, with sparkling eyes, wearing his hair on Ins upper Up after the old British fashion ; his hair reddish, but in hfs latter days time had sprinkled it with grey ; his nose well set, but not declining or bending, and his mouth moderate large; his forehead somewhat high, and his habit always plain and modest. And thus we have ) partially described the internal and external parts of a ' rson whose death hath been much regrctted-a person ^;io had tried the smiles and frowns of time, not puffed up in prosperity nor shaken in adversity, always holding the golden mean. In him at once did three great worthies shine Historian, poet, and a choice divine : Then let him rest in undisturbed dust. Until the resurrection of the just. 192 GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. POSTSCRIPT. In this his pilgrimage God blessed him with four children, one of which, named Mary, was blind, and died some years before ; his other children were Thomas, Joseph, and Sarah. His wife Elizabeth having lived to see him over- come his labour and sorrow, and pass from this life to receive the reward of his work, long s^irvived him'not, for in 1692 she died, to follow her faithful pilgrim from this world to the other, whither he was gone before her ; whilst his works, which consist of sixty books, remain for the edifying of the reader and praise of the author. Farewell. Mrinted "by Cassell & CompaDy, Limited, La Belle Saiivage, London, L.C. 30.799 n ' Jl -I