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 JAMES REGfNALD 
 LOTHIAN CARSTAIRS 
 
 
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 or ILLINOIS
 
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 RHYDISEL. 
 
 THE 
 
 Bebil in 0):tovt). 
 
 " Scilicet in siccis ambulat ille locis.'* 
 ** Whati can the Devil speak truth?" 
 
 IN TWO VOLUMES. 
 VOL. I. 
 
 lontron : 
 
 PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR ; 
 AND SOLD BY 
 IHERWOOD, NEELY, AND JONES, 
 PATERNOSTER-ROW. 
 
 1811.
 
 Printed ly R. Taylor and Go,, ShoC'Lane, London.
 
 ^/.l 
 
 DEDICATION. 
 
 *^ Peace io the Souls of the Doc- 
 tors I they u-ere mighty in ihmr 
 dmj I'' 
 
 To thi Spirita which during 
 
 their abode at Rhydicina, undtr * 
 
 ^ wigs, trenchers, and bombazeen^ 
 
 * Gentle reader, 
 Do not take umbrage at my insinuation, that 
 "^ wigs are a covering for choice spirits. In the 
 -^^ collegiate church at Manchester are a score of 
 ^ angels habited In blue, scarlet, and gold, with 
 ^ powdered flowing perukes, and wings as white 
 ^ as alabaster, — who are suspended from the roof, 
 ^v: and with their instruments of music represent 
 ' a spiritual orchestra. 
 i A 2
 
 iv DEDICATION. 
 
 have contributed to illuminate that 
 University by their science, and 
 to raise it to its present dignified 
 and enviable situation bv their 
 penetration and perseverance, this 
 book is humbly dedicated 
 
 by their devoted servant^ 
 THE AUTHOR.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 In the metropolis of a remote 
 colony dependent on the crown 
 of Great Britain, a wandering 
 American artist had hired a tem- 
 porary residence, to display the 
 specimens of his abilities, and in- 
 duce the inhabitants to submit 
 their profiles to a machine, by 
 wdiich he copied them at the rate 
 of half a pistole for each. 
 
 On the day after his arrival, 
 while he was busied in commemo- 
 A 3
 
 VI PREFACE, 
 
 rating the countenances of his de- 
 lighted visitors, who were all, ex- 
 cept one, engaged with the faces 
 which decorated the wall as spe- 
 cimens of his talents, a fat gentle- 
 man suddenly entered the room in 
 a great heat, and, seeing the artist 
 employed, sat down to cool himself 
 and wait his turn. 
 
 As he continued puffing and 
 blowing, the company in the apart- 
 ment, who had remarked the sin- 
 gvilarity of his appearance, (for he 
 was uncommonly ill-looking in his 
 face and person,) had found, as if 
 unanimously, a profile on the wall 
 which exhibited an exact resem-
 
 PREFACE. Vll 
 
 blance of him. So wonderfully 
 like was it, that some of them could 
 not refrain from taking it down 
 and showing it to him, persuading 
 him to purchase it at once, for 
 that no portrait could ever be 
 drawn to represent him more na- 
 turally. The only point of difie- 
 rence was a monstrous pigtail, by 
 which it had the advantage of him, 
 who w^as cropped*^ 
 
 The fat gentleman,, having con- 
 sidered the profile and himself in 
 a looking-glass for some time, was 
 satisfied of the resemblance, and 
 laying down a pistole, which co- 
 vered the expense of the frame,
 
 VIU PREFACE. 
 
 walked away very well contented 
 with his adopted shadow, — refus- 
 ing an oiFer of the artist to cut ofF 
 the tail, saying, "Perhaps I may 
 take to tying my hair." 
 
 , On his arrival at home, he pro- 
 duced it to his family, who all 
 crowded to look on it, while he 
 stood contemplating a superscrip- 
 tion on the back of the frame^, 
 which had hitherto escaped his ob- 
 servation, and was as follows : 
 
 *^ Composition." — ' 
 
 " Study of ill-nature and stupidity." 
 
 " Note. — The pigtail very characteristic." 
 
 Need the moral be explained ?
 
 PREFACE. IX 
 
 Gentlemen ! — Graduatl ! Non- 
 dum graduati ? 
 
 If yovi find any portraits here 
 that you imagine to resemble your- 
 selves, or that your friends per- 
 suade you are like you,~do not. 
 adopt them nevertheless. They 
 are not intended for you. Sit for 
 your pictures, if you would fain 
 have them, and do not take them 
 ready made.— At all events, cut off 
 the pig's tail.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 Page. 
 
 Chap. L— Of the Devil and his Shadow 1 
 
 Chap. II. — Of all that Don Juan saw 
 
 from the Top of Tom Tower 17 
 
 Chap. Ill, — Of the Drinkers, Revellers, 
 
 Dancers, and others 42 
 
 Chap. IV. — Of the Card-players, &c. 
 
 The Story of M'Alin 69 
 
 Chap. V. — Conclusion of the Story of 
 
 M^\lin 06 
 
 Chap. VI.— Of those who are walking 
 
 the Streets I06 
 
 Chap. VII.«-Of tlie Bridewell 134 
 
 Chap. VIII. — Of Marriage ; whether it 
 goes or comes by Destiny. Story 
 of Mr. Benedick 157
 
 XU CONTENTS. 
 
 Chap. IX. — Conclusion of Mr. Bene- 
 dick's Marriage Adventures 18!^ 
 
 Chap. X. — Of making Fortunes "204 
 
 Chap. XI.— -The Story of Bichard Llew- 
 elyn 219 
 
 Chap. XIL— The Story of Richard 
 
 Llewelyn concluded • .. 244
 
 RHYDISEK 
 
 CHAPTER L 
 
 OF THE DEVIL AND IIIS SHADOW. 
 
 X HE last faint glimmering of twilight 
 had just deserted the spires and pinnacles 
 that adorn the university of Oxford^ and 
 already had the great bell of Christ 
 Church begun to summon the students to 
 their respective colleges, — (that is to say, 
 it was some twenty minutes p^st nine 
 o'clock,) when a young gentleman, a na- 
 tive of Seville in Spain, started horribly at 
 finding that his feet had involuntarily be~ 
 
 VOL. I, B
 
 55 RHYDISEL. 
 
 trayed him to a spot, which the recollec- 
 tion of his morning ideas had madvi 
 hini particularly anxious to avoid. 
 
 The reason of his being betrayed to 
 this spot was simply, that his head had 
 rather lost the dominion over his body ; 
 and the cause of his starting was the sud- 
 den recollection of his proximity to that 
 dreary mansion, which, being erected 
 solely for the occupation of the dead, 
 presents a mournful and humiliating pic- 
 ture of mortality ; for, like the web of a 
 spider garnished with wings and legs of 
 flies, it displays, for the henefii of posterity, 
 the pickled members and withered rem- 
 nants of dissected malefactors : in other 
 words, he found himself on the very 
 threshold of the Anatomy School.
 
 RHYD1S£I>. ,S 
 
 The father of Don Juan Vincentio di 
 Morla, prejudiced in favour of English 
 education, had sent his son to this uni- 
 versity, of which, on account of his reli- 
 gion, he could not be admitted a mem- 
 ber. Don Juan therefore resided with 
 the provost of a small college as a pupil, 
 and in that situation intended to take 
 every opportunity o^ participating in the 
 society, and collecting observations from 
 the conduct and manners of all ranks and 
 degrees. 
 
 Don Juan possessed an inquisitive 
 genius. He h^d that morning been fa- 
 voured with a sight of the numerous pre- 
 parations of the human species, which 
 serve there for something more than a 
 memento mori to the curious spectator : 
 
 B 9.
 
 4. RHYDISEL. 
 
 bu% being a little shocked on viewing these 
 melancholy relics, he retired in disgust, 
 and almost wished to feign an excuse ; 
 when he remembered an engagement to 
 spend the evening with a party in some 
 rooms immediately adjoining this mauso- 
 leum. 
 
 He among the rest had already drunk 
 deeply, — and their conversation, which 
 had dwelt, from the adventure of the 
 morning, almost entirely on anatomy, by 
 a natural transition turned first to a dis- 
 putation on the sympathy existing be- 
 tween the spirit and the body — and sub- 
 sequently to an argument on daemonolo- 
 gy. In the heat of this^ when all were 
 less anxious to listen than to be heard, the 
 tolUng of the great bell reminded them of
 
 RHVDI3EL. 5 
 
 the expediency of repairing to chapel. 
 They all rose, and in the hurry of their 
 departure Don Juan was unceremoniously 
 forgotten. 
 
 When they had retired, he also pre- 
 pared to return home ; but being unac- 
 quainted with the nocturnal regulations of 
 closing the avenues to the college, he 
 wandered about the court in search of an 
 outlet, until he unwittingly stumbled on 
 the very object of his abhorrence. At 
 the sa-n-^ monient he heard from \^ithin 
 the wails ihat conceal the back part of 
 the building a violent plunging and dash- 
 ing of water. His memory, awakened 
 from the torpid influence of the wine he 
 had drunk, riveted him for a few mo- 
 ments to the spot: his curiosity, however.
 
 '^ RIIYDI6EL. 
 
 at length got the better of all other ideas. 
 and induced him to attempt scaling the 
 wall. After some time and difficulty he 
 gained the sim^mit j from whence, by the 
 light of the moon, he perceived a small 
 court-yard dark and desolate, in the cen- 
 tre of which, and at the mouth of a trap- 
 door, the figure of a man was just dis- 
 cernible, apparently in the act of thrusting 
 the mutilated fragments of a corpse into 
 •^ well beneath. 
 
 Paralysed with horror at the sight, 
 Don Jaan sac for an instant on the wall^ 
 hiis eyes fixt by a sort of fascination 
 on the scene before him. Shortly after 
 the ngure retiring, the charm v/as dis- 
 solved, and the Spaniard, rallying his 
 shattered nerves, descended into the court
 
 RHYDISEL. 
 
 and approached the well. His suspicions 
 were instantly confirmed : he beheld the 
 mangled remainsof a human carcase lying 
 on the ground, and had only time to con- 
 ceal himself behind a projection of the 
 wail, before the figure reappearing with 
 an additional burthen, in a twinklings 
 dismissed them both to the gulf beneath. 
 The trap was closed, and Vincentio di 
 Moria remained alone to reflect on the 
 scene he had witnessed. 
 
 " Is this,'* he exclaimed, " the fate of 
 man, the lord of the creation, the price 
 of the universe! this the ultimatum of 
 human vanity ? What ! shall the body, 
 that has for years been subservient to the 
 dictates of a restless wandering spirit, re- 
 main to perish in this vile state of unhal-
 
 b RflYDlSEL. 
 
 lowed incarceration ? What avails it to 
 have been animated by a spiritual intellect, 
 and a g-odlike apprthension, when such is 
 its last abode t Ah me ! what a frivolous 
 appearance, methinks, I make in tliis so* 
 litary region ! I'his it is to be the paragon 
 of anin-.als, and the lord of the creation!" 
 
 " The lord o f the creation ! Ha ! ha! 
 lia I*'—" V/ho"s there E" demanded Morla. 
 *•■ A lord of the creation/" replied a voice. 
 " Bi^hold mel'' At the same moment a 
 form emerged from the well clothed in 
 the gown of a graduate. " Nay, start not, 
 Don Juan Vincentio di Morla,'Mr. Para- 
 gon of animals, collect your ideas, while 
 you nriake yourself acq^uainted with my 
 appearance, and I will then communicate 
 to you what I am, and why you .see me
 
 RHYDISEL, y 
 
 here." — "Proceed," rejoined the Spaniard; 
 " I am collected. — What devil art thou? '* 
 "Devil ! I am Rhydisel, the daemon of this 
 university. Yesterday morning I was so 
 unfortunate as to be hanged at the Castle 
 for forgery; after which I afforded great 
 amusement to the speculators in anatomy 
 in the adjoining school; and youhavejust 
 seen the last pious offices performed to 
 my genteel and unprofitable flesh." — 
 " How ! " cried Moria, " a graduate ! 
 hanged, and the spirit of Oxford?" — 
 " Ridiculous, and true,*' replied RhydiseK 
 " I have gone through my earthly purga- 
 tions under every possible shape in nature 
 and lastly in that of man. 1 was a worthy 
 member of this univ rsity, where I ac- 
 quired considerable credit by my abilities, 
 and passed for a wit : my natural liveli- 
 B 5
 
 10 RHYDISEL. 
 
 r^ess, however, betrayed me into a little 
 error : I mistook another gentleman's 
 name for my own; and consequently un- 
 dergoing the penalty attached to the com- 
 mission of that oversight, I burst the 
 bonds, the trammels of mortality, and es- 
 caped for ever into a spiritual existTcnce. 
 
 '^ By the way, young acquaintance, I . 
 nverlicard you just now with your party 
 dibpuungon the nature of spirits. It may 
 not be amiss to tell you, in few words, 
 what sort of a devil I am. OriginaUy, a 
 rebellious fiend, my sentence was banish- 
 ment to this earth, where I commenced 
 niY career in the body of one of those ani- 
 mals v/hich a microscope renders visible 
 in water. When this body perished, I 
 Tcr'ained for an instant the consciousness
 
 RHYDISEL j 1 
 
 of my primaeval being, and immediately 
 lost it when anlmatincr a second. At 
 present, it would be needless to fatigue 
 you with an account of the numerous 
 gradations I have passed through : suflice 
 it to say, that at the expiration of each 
 corporeal imprisonment my spirit for a 
 moment recollected itself ; but the instant 
 it again became attached to matter^ it for- 
 got the conviction of its immutability. 
 In every state I have endured human tor- 
 ments ; and the last, the least, restored to 
 me my Immaterial existence. The daemon 
 that has hitherto presided here was yes- 
 terday promoted to another planet, and 
 his office devolves on mc in the regular 
 order of succession. 
 
 " When I awoke to the sense of this my 
 !iew situation, the knowledge of every
 
 12' RHYDI3EL. 
 
 thing connected with it rushed on me with 
 the rapidity of lightning, and I am now 
 before you for the purpose of developing 
 the mvwStcries, the lives, occupations^ and 
 adventures, of all that inhabit this seat 
 of learning. The motives that induce 
 me to administer this communication, I 
 shall explain hereafter ; they are strong, 
 nay, invincible; but the present hour is 
 replete with opportunities of information; 
 let us not Vvaste it in unnecessary conver- 
 sation. Follow me/* 
 
 Don Juan, whose fears had at first 
 induced him to take the figure of the 
 daemon for a gho :jy apparition, did 
 not feel himself mere at ease when he 
 found, from the declaration of his 
 companion, that he was actually a de- 
 yH: he listened to his speech in silence^
 
 RHYDISEL. 13 
 
 aad prepared as tacitly to obey his eotn- 
 mands. They walked through the wall 
 towards the great quadrangle, (the Spa- 
 niard maintaining a respectful distance,) 
 when the spirit, assuming a facetious man- 
 ner, again took up the discourse : " My 
 lord Don Juan, — perhaps you are a little 
 surprised at my private history; but let 
 it not disconcert you. I am at present in 
 the best disposition, and flatter myself we 
 shall soon be better acquainted. Be as- 
 sured I am perfectly innoxious; nay, 
 look at me " At the same time a gust of 
 wind blew aside his ?^own, and Don Juan 
 gazing intently, to examine the body 
 which he expected had been concealed by 
 it,beheld-^nothing. "Ha ! Mr. Rhydisel," 
 he cried, " what do I see ? " — ^' Nothing/' 
 replied the fiend: "yet all there is you
 
 14 rhyd:sel. 
 
 see. Take courage, my lord of the uni- 
 verse, and if you approve not of my pre- 
 sent appearance, command another. I 
 am at your service — express your wishes 
 — at this moment I am compelled to exe- 
 cute them : and indeed I have reason to 
 rejoice in the opportunity of being able to 
 prove to you my complaisance.'* Vin- 
 centio, unable to guess the cause of this 
 obsequiousness in a fiend, replied, " Sir, 
 rieave the choice of body to your wor- 
 ship, whose taste and discernment must 
 surpass mine ^ but if youlire disposed to 
 execute my wishes — " *' I have told you 
 that i am so," interrupted Rhydisel j "I 
 am aware of them, and I prepare to give 
 you that satisfaction : but let us dismiss 
 constraint, which is the bane of society ; 
 and to remove all apprehension on your
 
 RHYDISEL. 15 
 
 part, I assume a character- at which you 
 will be more disposed to laugh than look 
 grave." Don Juan, on the instant, be- 
 held a little half-starved wretch, blind of 
 one eye and squinting with the other, 
 crooked in shape, bandy legged, and with- 
 out feet : his dress was a flimsy blanket 
 girt round his waist with a halter,andl;i 
 his left hand he held a beam, to which 
 was attached a balance; 
 
 Before the Spaniard had time to ask 
 him the intention of this appearance, the 
 little beauty opened his mouth, and in- 
 formed him that he then animated the 
 picture, which in his days of philosophy 
 he had been accustomed to entertain of 
 Justice on earth. " I leave to your pene- 
 tration,'* he continued, *' the right ap-
 
 10 RHYDISEL. 
 
 plication of my appearance and costume. 
 Let us proceed to business.*' 
 
 As they pursued their course during 
 the conversation, without hahing, they 
 arrived at Icm gate, just as the little 
 daemon concluded his exhortation. " I 
 should like,'' said Don Juan, " to survey 
 the present operations of this college 
 from the summit of the tower above us." 
 ** You shall see them in a moment,'* said 
 the spirit : *' sit down on this beam." 
 He did so, and was instantly transported 
 to the top of the cupola.
 
 RHYDISEL. 17 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 OF ALL THAT DON JUAN SAW FROM THE 
 TOP OF TOM TOWER. 
 
 As soon as they were seated, — " Me- 
 thinks," said Don Juan, " the wind is 
 rather boisterous in this exalted region. 
 Signor Rhydisel, cannot you mitigate it ? '" 
 " Not in the least," replied the spirit — " I 
 have no power over the elements ; but I 
 can render you insensible to their effects, 
 and at the same time communicate to 
 your eyes an excellence that you must 
 wish for J namely, that of beholling all 
 things here around you, in spite of the ob- 
 stacles that intervene. You will theii find 
 the thickest walls become transparent, and
 
 18' RH YD 13 EL. 
 
 the coverings of the houses shall no more 
 protect their inhabitants from your scru- 
 tiny than the clothing of their bodies pre- 
 vents you from forming an idea of their 
 shape Fix your eyes on mine." 
 
 The Spaniard, in obeying this injunc- 
 tion, underwent a sensible convulsion: 
 the gaze of the daemon penetrated his 
 brain, his vision and comprehension be- 
 came refined, and the atmosphere no 
 longer oppressed his body. 
 
 " Let us begin," said Rhydisel, " with 
 this house on our left, where you see one 
 of the Patres conscripti asleep in his 
 chcir. Twenty minutes since, feeling a 
 little drowsy, he desired his servant to 
 call him when it should be chapel tiine.
 
 RHYDISEL. 1S> 
 
 At the appointed minute the valet enters, 
 and, jogging his master, acquaints him he 
 has nvot an instant to spare — the bell has 
 done, and prayers have commenced. — - 
 ' Amen,' said the canon, and recomr 
 posed himself, 
 
 " In the next house but two, I per- 
 ceive a dozen young men carousing over 
 some excellent wine : they are the guests 
 of another canon^ who endeavours on: 
 these occasions to set them at their ease, 
 and to keep himself on his guard : — he 
 is, however, a little disconcerted at this 
 moment, having hiccuped three or four 
 times, and the last time very loud, S3 
 that he fears his guests smoke him." 
 
 ^^ I see a man,'* siyd Morla, "bend-
 
 20 RKYDISEL. 
 
 ing under the weight of an enormous 
 basket, who appears to be inquiring some 
 direction as h^ passes through the arch- 
 way on the right, in the corner of the 
 quadrangle : — perhaps he carries to the 
 kitchen provision for the college dinner 
 tomorrow?" — " You may well suppose 
 that," answered Rhydisel, " from the pro- 
 digious size of the hamper, but we shall 
 see that that is not altogether its desiina- 
 
 By this time Don Juan perceived his 
 mistake ; for the man, turning to the left 
 and going down some steps, knocked at 
 a door, where he was immediately ad- 
 mitted ; and, his important arrival being 
 announced, was speedily welcomed by a 
 reverend gentleman, who descended like
 
 KHYDISEL. 21 
 
 Phaeton from the drawing-room, so anx- 
 ious was he to examine the productions 
 of the earth. He saw spread before his 
 longing eyes a hare, a goose, two tithe 
 pigs, a brace of jack, a Banbury cheese, 
 a dainty chine, a turkey, a huge ham, 
 and three couple of fowls. 
 
 " This gentleman,'' said the Spaniard, 
 " is not of the order of la Trappe, I 
 see, — whence comes this load ? — he must 
 have emptied the flesh-pots of Egypt." — - 
 " These good things," answered the de- 
 vil, " are brought from a living in the 
 country, which the divine holds, together 
 with his preferment here, which some 
 foolish persons expected might have in- 
 duced him to resign the first : — * But no,' 
 said' he, * I am a plulanthropist : — my
 
 02 RHYDISEL. 
 
 successor here, who will have the rectory 
 when I relinquish it, has not spirits for 
 the duty yet, nor patience to endure the 
 fatigues attendant on the cares, pomps, 
 and vanities of this wicked world. When 
 I find him qualified to succeed me, it will 
 be in my power to retire. His reverence 
 has been some years in the same mind, 
 and his intended successor (whatever he 
 may have to 4o with care) has never com- 
 plained of any pomp and vanity hitherto.*'* 
 
 " There is a great crowd,*' said Don 
 Juan, '^passing under the archway through 
 which the man and the hamper travelled 
 just now. What is their business?'' — 
 *' They return from chapel/' answered 
 the spirit: — " look at him who is first in 
 the troop, and observe the air with which
 
 RHYDISEL. 25 
 
 he walks : his morals and life are unex- 
 ceptionable, and his manners particularly 
 genteel : I lament that he is occasionally 
 a little absent, — a circumstance which 
 makes him forget the proper disposition 
 of his accomplishments. One would not 
 choose to see a gentleman dance like Ju- 
 piter, nor a Carthusian cut capers in his 
 prayers. 
 
 " Observe the little man who follows 
 next, in a vain attempt, by three strides 
 for one of the otner's^ to overtake him. 
 He is impatient to let him know that the 
 rector of a living in his gift, who married 
 a wife three weeks ago, is dead of a pu- 
 erperal fever. 
 
 " The third in succession is a bachelor
 
 24 RHYDISEL. 
 
 of arts, with whose face you are ac- 
 quainted, and whom you know to be an 
 excellent musician. He was yesterday 
 nearly plucked for orders: for, being 
 asked who wrote the History of the C re- 
 ation? herepUedjinahurry,' Moz — art, — 
 I beg pardon, gentlemen, I mean Haydn.' 
 
 "After him you see a young nobleman, 
 who, half an hour ago, was the cause of 
 a misfortune he can never repair^ — I must 
 make you acquainted with it. 
 
 *' Henry lord Olbion passes for a 
 scholar, and affects to be possessed of 
 great feeling. He dined today at the 
 house of a famous physician ; and the sub- 
 ject of the slave trade happening to be on 
 the carpet, he seized the opportunity it
 
 'RHYDISEL. 25 
 
 afforded of displaying his oratory, and 
 fixing in the minds of the company a 
 strong idea of his humanity. x\fter de- 
 scanting with great pathos on the cruel- 
 ties of €lavery, he concluded in these 
 words : * Let the man who presumes to 
 justify this Pagan bondage undergo it 
 himself for a few years ; he may then be 
 qualified to speak of the advantages which, 
 as some insist, it possesses, and we shall 
 be disposed to believe what he says. For 
 niy own part, I hope to behold, ere I die, 
 this system, which I deem abominable 
 and unpardonable, exterminated from ter- 
 ritories possessed by Europeans, and ex- 
 iled even from the knowledge of Chris- 
 tians.' 
 
 " The greater part of the audience af- 
 
 VOL. I. c
 
 26 RHYDISEL. 
 
 fected to be sensibly touched by this pa- 
 thetic conclusion ; and among those who 
 complimented him on the occasion, there 
 happened to be a young gentleman just 
 arrived from the West Indies. After ac- 
 knowledging the disinterestedness of his 
 lordship *s reflections, he begged permis- 
 sion to say a few words in defence of his 
 trans- atlantic countrymen ; which being 
 immediately granted, he addressed the 
 company in the follov/ing manner : 
 
 " ' I am aware, gentlemen, that if I at- 
 tempt to vindicate the slave trade, I must 
 only attempt it with those who are tied to 
 it by commerce. Reason, religion, and 
 conviction have persuaded me, that of all 
 the systems ever authorized or practised 
 by man, there can be none so unjustifi- 
 able as the enslaving of his fellow-crea-
 
 RHYDISEL. 27 
 
 tures : and although we have precedents 
 of this practice from the earliest times to 
 the present day, the philanthropist or 
 philosopher can only regard these prece- 
 dents astestimonials of cruelty on the one 
 part, and of wretchedness on the other : 
 when I utter these sentiments, I am sure 
 that I express the ideas of the greater part 
 of my countrymen, who are willing, ex- 
 cept that it would be their ruin, to eman- 
 cipate the negro race. I know with what 
 ^ase a speculator traverses the continent of 
 Africa in imagination, and disposes tb : 
 government of his country to communis 
 cate liberty and equality to all the inha- 
 bitants ; but let it be remembered that he 
 is no loser by his philanthropy : whereas^ 
 every gentleman in the West Indies, that 
 liberates a slave, over and above the ci 2- 
 c 2
 
 28 rhydis£:l. 
 
 dit of humanity which the speculator re- 
 ceives, resigns a considerable part of his 
 estate, and also presents the enfranchised 
 man with an annuity for life."* 
 
 " M protest,' interrupted lord Olbion, 
 * had my ancestors consigned to me a 
 colonial estate, cultivated by a set of these 
 innocent victims^ my first act on coming 
 of age should be to emancipate them all, 
 and I would then dispose of any other 
 property J possessed, to provide for them 
 as the laws require^' 
 
 ** ' Your generous ideas,' said the Cre- 
 ole, ' compel me to be silent — they both 
 astonish and delight me/ Here a ser- 
 vant announcing tea, reminded the noble 
 risitor it was time for chapel : he looked
 
 RHYDISEL. 29 
 
 at his watch, and finding he had not a mo- 
 ment to spare, sprang up, and abruptly 
 left the company. The fact was, that 
 on account of some trifling irregularity, 
 his lordship was confined to chapel, and 
 not caring to incur any additional penalty 
 by neglecting to attend it, he made the 
 best of his way as fast as his legs could 
 carry him. 
 
 " Just as he reached the gate, a wretch- 
 ed, hungry, and emaciated Woman, lying 
 on the pavement with an infant by her 
 side, implored. his charity. Finding her 
 request disregarded,, in the agony of di- 
 stress and disappointment she caught the 
 end of his gown, attempting to detain 
 and oblige him to hear her entreaty. Net- 
 tled at this outrage, he rushed forwards, 
 and, stumbling over the child, fell head-
 
 so RHYDISEL. 
 
 long into the street. This second dis- 
 grace animated him with fresh indigna- 
 tion : — as he rose^ he could not refrain 
 from cursing the troublesome brat; and 
 seconding the expression by a thrust of 
 the foot, not intended to inflict pain, he 
 inadvertently kicked out one of the eyes 
 of the child, and this is the cause of the 
 wailing and lamentation that you hear just 
 behind you.'* 
 
 The relation of this story made such 
 an impression on Don Juan, that he spoke 
 not a word when it was concluded, but 
 appeared buried in profound meditation. 
 In the mean time the rest of the train 
 had vanished, and Rhydlsel seeing the 
 quadrangle deserted, proposed that they 
 should change their post of observation*
 
 RHYDISEL. 31 
 
 *> Readily," answered the Spaniard: " let 
 us, if you please, adjourn to the quarter 
 of the undergraduates." The spirit im- 
 mediately offered his Pegasus, the balance, 
 and they both alighted on the leads of the 
 Library. 
 
 *' Here, my lord Don Juan,'* said his 
 guide, " you must needs think yourself 
 at home. The inhabitants of this square 
 are of your own age, and probably too 
 young to afford you much instruction ; 
 nevertheless, I may do you a service by 
 acquainting you with the circumstances 
 that have befallen some of them today. 
 
 " The first that catches my eye Is a 
 youth of seventeen, in that corner room 
 illuminated by a Grecian lamp. He has
 
 32 RHYDISEL. 
 
 been here t!iree weeLs, two of which, he 
 has dcvoied to a pretty youDg girl the 
 daughter of a tailor in the town, with 
 whom he got acquainted behind her fa- 
 ther's counter while purchasing his acade- 
 mical dress : her beauty captivated him on 
 the spot, and he immediately told her so. 
 As you may imagine, she was mortally en- 
 raged at this sudden attack, as she deem- 
 ed it, on lier virtue, and forbad him her 
 sip;ht. Like a devout lover, he obeved her 
 fcr a vvcck ; at the expiration of which, 
 h.ippcning to meet her in one of the public 
 walks, he was surprised and gratified to 
 find her good-bumoured and communir 
 callv::. 
 
 '^ On the strength of tliis, he kdd deli- 
 berate siege to her for fourteen days, and
 
 RHYDISEL. S3 
 
 this evening prevailed on her to meet him 
 in Ch. Ch. meadow ; — here a pretty in- 
 teresting scene took place ; — she re - 
 proached him with attempting her seduc- 
 tion, knowing the hold he had on her 
 affections : and he vowing eternal con- 
 ^ancy, besought her, on his knees, to 
 elope: indeed, he pressed her so hard, 
 that at last her voice began to fail as she 
 endeavoured to utter the monosyllable 
 No. Elated with the prospect of success, 
 he caught her in his arms, and, as he 
 strained her to his bosom, rashly snatched 
 a kiss 1 — rashly f ' for whether her malady 
 was habitual, or whether she was not so 
 circumspect in her person as her appear- 
 
 nace indicated her to be ! ! the youth , 
 
 let her fall on the ground and ran home- 
 0.5
 
 S4 RHYDISEL.. 
 
 wards, resolved in future to beware of 
 intrigues with tailors* daughters. 
 
 ** Next door to him, a man lies sprawl- 
 ing on a table surrounded with, nay I 
 had almost said buried in, books. He 
 made to day an attempt to swim ; but get- 
 ting heartily ducked and nearly drowned, 
 he is determined to study the theory o£ 
 the art before he again ventures on the 
 practice/* 
 
 •* Pray, inform me,'*' said Vincentioj. 
 " what is he designing whom I see walk- 
 ing round his table ? he carries a small 
 stick in each hand, and I perceive he stops 
 occasionally, and appears to measure 
 _with them some figures he has drawn."
 
 RHYDISEL. «5.'> 
 
 « Ah!" said the spirit, " that is a ma- 
 thematical genius, who, imagining the 
 demonstrations of Euclid dull and unin- 
 teresting, hopes to render them unneces- 
 sary by adopting a scheme of actual mea- 
 surement. 
 
 *' In the garret over him a Welsh servitor 
 sits in bed with a roll of parchment 
 17 feet by 2 hanging from its tester. 
 This morning, in taking his daily walk, he 
 affronted a dog by kicking the dirt in his 
 face. The dog, resenting the insult, at- 
 tacked the aggressor, who turned and fled, 
 tucking the tail of his gown and coat un- 
 der his arm. Pompey pursued, and 
 coming up with the enemy, seized him by 
 the breeches, which he tore from off the 
 part, they were intended to cover, and
 
 S6 RHYDISEI,. 
 
 thereby revenged himself on the servkcr, 
 whose poverty not only compels him to 
 mend them himself, but (for want of any 
 other materials) with a piece of his pedi» 
 gree ; and he is now, with tears in his 
 eyes, applying the parchment which has 
 long been the seat of his ancestors' honours 
 and renown,, to patch the gap which Pcm- 
 pey has made in. the seat of his own.'* 
 
 " I see a man in his nightcap, just 
 stepping into bed/' exclaimed Don Juan.'' 
 *' Ke is a great chemist and natural phi- 
 losopher/' answered his guide. ** Today 
 he fell in love with a pi*€tty face ; and 
 finding the passion it produced rather 
 troublesome, he has just taken a quart of 
 whey, and redres to bed at this early 
 hour in hopes of relieving it by perspira-
 
 RHYDISEL* S^7 
 
 tion." — " A very sensible cure for love, 
 and one that I should never have dreamt 
 of," said Morla : '' but I see an apart- 
 ment filled with men, bottles, and glasses, 
 and in every corner of the room a pile of 
 gowns and caps ;. I conclude some person 
 entertains his friends with v/ine." — " Just 
 so," replied the devil > " if you can re- 
 strain your impatience a little, I will give 
 you some account of the entertainer and 
 his guests. 
 
 ^ The master of the debauch is a Nim'- 
 rod: his father has often boasted before 
 him of his college exploits, especially of 
 his perseverance in sporting ; and the son, 
 considering himself bound to maintain the 
 honour and glory of his sire, keeps six 
 hunters to show his filial respect. His
 
 Sa RHYDISEI*. ^ 
 
 supporters on the right and left are fresh 
 men dead drunk, and asleep for the same 
 reason. Lower down is a wag laughing 
 at his neighbour's face, on which he has 
 contrived to paint mustaches : a third is 
 just handing him a mirror, which he 
 flourishes before the knight of the whis- 
 kers 5 but accidentally casting a glance on 
 it himself, beholds two or three more re- 
 flected than he looks for, and discovers,. 
 or rather recollects, that he has not been, 
 more vigilant during the evening than hi& 
 neighbour.. 
 
 ** At the other end of the table, a grace- 
 ful young man introduces two of his 
 friends to each other, who immediately 
 recollect that they have been at school to-* 
 gether thirteen years.
 
 RHYDISEL, 39 
 
 " The next Is a beau ! beyoad whom a 
 student draws from his pocket a silver 
 snuff-box, out of which he quietly takes 
 two alterative pills. The person on the 
 other side of him, requesting a pinch, 
 takes the box before he is aware of the 
 request, and squeezing his fing^er and 
 thumb into it, pulls out a pill, which af- 
 ter a moment's hesitation he puts in his 
 mouth. 
 
 *^ Let us have done with these," con- 
 tinued Rhydisel, " I see a more inter- 
 esting subject at the bottom of the little 
 court on the right. A gentleman of the 
 most solemn deportment and devout phy- 
 siognomy leans from his window, and 
 lowers something into the street. "• — " It 
 is a ladder of cords, I protest^" said Don.
 
 40^ RHYDISEL. 
 
 Juan, " and, as I live, a woman ascends 
 it !" — " Look another way," cried the 
 fiend ; " in the next room but one dwells 
 a student possessed with a dictionary, his 
 brain is ever teeming with hard words 
 which his tongue has yet hardly learnt to 
 articulate. He is confined at present by 
 an accident which, as he tells every one 
 who asks him, has happened to his 
 penultimate toe." 
 
 ** I hear a great uproar in the town,** 
 said Don Juan, — " We will repair to it," 
 answered the spirit, " especially as I wish 
 to make you acquainted with the charac- 
 ters of the university at large. Hitherto 
 we have confined our observations to this 
 little college, which is only a drop in the 
 bucket. We must enter upon a new field*
 
 RHYDISEL. 41 
 
 The noise you hear arises from the shout- 
 ing of the populace, in consequence of 
 the drama that has been enacted here this 
 last week: You understand mer'* — "Per- 
 fectly,** replied Vincentio, " and I am 
 ready to accompany you to the scene of 
 action." 
 
 The aerial courser conveyed them in- 
 stantly to St. Mary's Church> and they 
 alighted on the summit of the tower, just 
 at the base of the spire*
 
 '42 RHYDlSfil* 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 OF THE DRINKERS, REVELLERS, 
 DANCERS, AND OTHERS. 
 
 " lURN your eyes,'* said the devil, 
 *' towards that great light ; it issues" from 
 -a house in which are assembled some of 
 the guardians and ornaments of the uni- 
 versity: they celebrate with feasting and 
 merriment the installation of their superi- 
 or ; and are the more solicitous of doing 
 him honour, because they have twice pro- 
 tested publicly against him and his princi- 
 ples, and requested their sovereign lord 
 the king to remove him from his councils/*
 
 KKYDISEL. 43 
 
 " They appear to have several laymen 
 with them," said Don Juan. — " Ah !" re- 
 plied the devil, " they are the attendants 
 of the Bashaw, persons of great learning, 
 whom the reverend Dons discovering by 
 sympathy, have thought fit to reward and 
 bring into notice by dubbing them doc- 
 tors. There is one among them (he 
 with the mulberry-coloured nose) who is 
 extremely conscientious, and could not 
 prevail on himself to accept an honour of 
 ^hich he considered himself undeserving."' 
 — *' Is it possible !" cried Morla : " is he 
 less worthy than the rest, and did his con- 
 science prevent his taking the degree ?'* 
 — " As to the last question you propose,'* 
 answered Rhydisel, " his conscience 
 might fairly stand in the way of his pre- 
 ferment, because the honour of it is all 
 its reward; and as to his merits, the
 
 44 RHYDISEL. 
 
 worthy gentlemen think him little better 
 than a fool, although he himself entertains 
 a just idea; of them," 
 
 *' I see a man," saicl Vincentio, '' who 
 seems to preside at this entertainment ; he 
 rises as if to address the company — Pray 
 inform me what he Is saying.'^ — "That will 
 be no easy matter," said the dfevil ; " for, 
 notwithstanding he is a great orator, he 
 deals so terribly in hard Vv'ordSj that I fear 
 you will not understand him : if you, do, 
 you are wiser than most of his auditors,, 
 some of whom you perceive are the new 
 dubbed doctors. He gives the feast in 
 celebration of the victory his party has 
 gained ; and his guests (as the price they 
 pay for his good things) are obliged to 
 listen to his harangues. You are to un- 
 derstand this is not the first speech he has
 
 RHYDISEL. "to 
 
 made them this evening, and that they 
 have been at table about as long as Philip 
 of Macedon had caroused, when he re-, 
 jected the supplicants' petition. Observe," 
 continued the devil, " he has made two 
 ineffectual attempts : but now he begins, 
 listen," 
 
 '^ l"he concatenation of my ideas is 
 somewhat interrupted, and the lucidity of 
 my intellectual faculties considerably ob- 
 fuscated, by the vinous fluid I have im- 
 bibed." Here the learned and pious divine 
 bore ample testimony to the truth of what 
 he had just advanced, and, after two or 
 three efforts to proceed, sank down in his 
 chair. — ^' He expects to rise, I suppose?" 
 said Morla. — *' With the first opportuni- 
 ty,'' replied the devil.
 
 46 RHYDISEL. 
 
 *' Do you see that young man who ad- 
 dresses with so much animation those that 
 sit near him ?" he continued, directing the 
 Spaniard to look towards the bottom of 
 the table. Morla beheld a gentleman 
 whose countenance bespoke at once the 
 goodness of his heart, the strength of his 
 understanding, and the fire of his genius. 
 " He is now," said the spirit^ " delight- 
 ing and instructing his auditors with an 
 account of his travels in the East : both 
 old and young listen to him with pleasure 
 and advantage — ^Envy herself is disarmed 
 of her stbg, and compelled to acknow- 
 ledge his superiority." 
 
 Morla, interrupting the spirit, begged 
 to know whether he had communicated 
 to the world the result of his observations.
 
 RHYDISEL. 47 
 
 " He has not/' replied the d^mon 5 " but 
 this is the less to be regretted, as his ex- 
 cellent remarks enrich the works of an- 
 other celebrated traveller. He has proved 
 himself a poet of so much real genius^ that 
 his admirers will not rest satisfied with the 
 gratification his Muse has already afforded 
 them : they look to him for those splendid 
 specimens of his art, of which the early 
 efforts gave so fair a promise. 
 
 " Next but one to him-," continued the 
 devil, " sits a man who is nearly related 
 to him, and is no less remarkable for his 
 wonderful reading and excellent memory, 
 without a shadow of pedantry or ostenta- 
 tion. He has collected a prodigious num- 
 ber of books, among which there is scarce 
 one with whose contents and merits he is
 
 48 RHYDISEL. 
 
 unacquainted, so indefatigable has been 
 his application ; an advantage he posesses 
 over his present associates, who have, each 
 of them, a library, and now and then look 
 into a book, — a singularity they always 
 take care to commemorate. 
 
 " In the house adjoining I see an as- 
 sembly of both sexes, some dancing, 
 others playing at cards, and a great 
 many, especially the young men, lounge- 
 ing about the room like so many geese 
 on a common. Observe how officious 
 the old gentlemen are, with what grace 
 and spirit they caper about, and what 
 gallantry they betray in every look and 
 motion. Let them dance — and as they 
 present themselves in succession I shall 
 contrive to give you some account of 
 them.
 
 RHYDISEL. 49 
 
 " The first couple are a fat tutor from 
 Somersetshire, and a young lady from 
 Bath. He thinks his partner an angel, 
 and she is of the same opinion. Next to 
 him stands a favourite of the Muses,^ the 
 son of a Suifolk cheesemonger, who ex- 
 plains the figure to a virgin of threescore. 
 
 ** Look at the little man going down 
 the dance with the tall miss. He is red- 
 hot with fatigue and perspiration, while 
 she drags him about the room at a hand 
 gallop J and whirls him round and round, 
 till he forgets whether his head or his 
 heels are nearest the centre of gravity. 
 
 " Yonder is a grave divine just risen 
 from the floor in an agony of shame : his' 
 partner happening to slip, pulled him to- 
 
 VOL. I. D
 
 50 RHYDISEL. 
 
 wards her, and he had the misfortune to 
 fall with her in a right line, whilst his wig 
 described a parabola in its descent." 
 
 " Let us observe the old fellow seated 
 next that pretty creature," said Don 
 Juan : " What is it he whispers to her?** 
 — "He tells her," answered the devil, 
 " that dancing is a round-about way of 
 going from the top of the room to the 
 bottom. Now she, who is fond of it, as- 
 sures him that there are more ways than 
 one of doing all things, and that she loves 
 to protract the exercise that gives her 
 pleasure. 
 
 ^' At the furthest end of the room, in a 
 pensive mood, silent and unnoticed, sits 
 a lady whose ideas are occupied with a
 
 RHYDISEL, .51 
 
 Story which does not concern this com- 
 pany, as her abstracted situation might 
 lead you to imagine. She encouraged 
 the addresses of a young man of no for- 
 tune who loved her violently, till she had 
 made a more valuable conquest of an el- 
 derly gentleman, whom she married a 
 fortnight ago. 
 
 " The disappointed youth, on the first 
 news of the fair one's inconstancy, wished 
 her at the devil. After that, being over- 
 come with grief and rage, he literally 
 fainted away ; and on recovering from his 
 swoon, snatched up the only weapon he 
 could lay hands on, (a pair of snuffers,) 
 and gave himself an ugly wound in the 
 throat with them. 
 
 D 2
 
 52 RHYDISEL. 
 
 *^ The snuffers were dirty, and the 
 wound festered and inflamed, produced 
 a fever, and for some days deprived him 
 of his senses. Ke is yet confined as a 
 lunatic. And she, having just had a 
 quarrel with her husband, recollects that 
 her lover was a fool, and herself a jilt. 
 
 '' Hah ! I see Mr. Lilliraan — pray be 
 acquainted with him," cried the fiend: 
 " he is the best-dressed man in the uni- 
 versity : his coats, waistcoats, and shoe- 
 strings are ironed into shapes, and he 
 practises his neckcloth on his knees daily : 
 he is at present in the greatest distress, 
 having perceived a hole in his stocking, 
 which, like the Georgium Sidus, is invisi- 
 ble to all but the microscopic eyes of the
 
 RHYDISEL. 53 
 
 discoverer : however^ he tells every one 
 in the room whom he knows, of his mis- 
 fortune, lest any one should detect it first ; 
 a circumstance that would cut him to the 
 quick."' 
 
 " Similis simili gaudet,'* said the Spa- 
 niard : " there is a gentleman^ the coun- 
 terpart of Mr. Lilliman, who stands still 
 when his turn to dance arrives ; and 
 seems buried in deep contemplation." — 
 '' All that/' replied the daemon, " is for 
 effect : he hopes to do great execution 
 among the ladies by that attitude ; and 
 the abstracted alias absent air is to make 
 him pass for a great wit. But he deceives 
 himself : two young girls are talking of 
 him so loud, that he cannot fail to hear 
 what they say. ' Bless me ! ' cries the
 
 54 RHYI>IS£t. 
 
 youngest, * that knight is in a brown 
 study/ — " Knight !' replies the other, 'he 
 reminds me more of a leaden Cupid.' " 
 
 ** Pray, Mr. Rhydisel," exclaimed the 
 native of Seville in a tone of eagerness, 
 ** have the goodness to inform me who 
 that brisk little bald man is, who dances 
 in black silk gloves ? He is just got to 
 the bottom of the set ; and by the anima- 
 tion of his eyes, and the gallantry of his 
 general deportment^ appears to be address- 
 ing his partner on a very interesting sub- 
 ject." 
 
 The devil, fixing his eyes steadfastly 
 
 on the object of Vincentio's inquiry, 
 
 * burst into an immoderate fit of laughter, 
 
 at the same instant that the countenance
 
 RHYDISEL. 5^ 
 
 of the little bald man assumed a look of 
 sheepishness and confusion. Don Juan, 
 being unable to divine the cause of this 
 unusual mirth in his companion, could 
 scarce refrain from joining in it, so infec- 
 tious as well as epidemic is laughter j 
 when Rhydisel, recovering himself a lit- 
 tle, addressed him in these words : 
 
 *' You are probably surprised that a 
 spiritual being should be so addicted to 
 merriment ; but when you reflect on the 
 many deplorable changes I have under- 
 gone, and consider that yesterday only, 
 by being hanged for forgery, I regained 
 a state of happiness to which I had for 
 ages been a stranger, your astonishment 
 will cease.
 
 «56 RHYDISEL, 
 
 " The dancer in black silk gloves is a 
 fellow of a college, who has long en- 
 joyed a good reputation for learning and 
 piety ; and has lived on the best terms 
 with his brethren of the common room, 
 who never found any fault with him, but 
 that he did not give them so much of 
 his company as they desired. 
 
 *' This seclusion from their social par- 
 ties at length increased to such a de- 
 gree, as to become the subject of fre- 
 quent surmises among his brethren ; who 
 at first supposed he preferred old au- 
 thors to old Port. ' But yet,' would 
 say the occupier of the arm-chair next 
 the fire, . ' Mr. Twistall was always a 
 sensible discreet man, and a hvely com- 
 panion.'
 
 RHYDISEL. 57 
 
 " This supposition, however, turned 
 out to be erroneous ; for on the Scout's 
 being interrogated, it appeared that the 
 gentleman always walked out in his hat, 
 and sometimes did not return till a late 
 hour y a discovery that authorized many 
 shrewd hints and significant nods j and 
 on his next appearance in the common 
 room, produced a question from several, 
 of the members, as to his having been 
 employed lately in the study of the Far 
 thers. 
 
 *' From this time he became a perpe* 
 tual subject of raillery y and the pious 
 men who generally made due allowances 
 for the frailty of the flesh, often hinted 
 at a pretty foot and ancle which had 
 been seen ascending the staircase. The 
 D 5
 
 o^ RHYDISEL. 
 
 person accused always defended himself 
 with becoming spirit ; and proved to the 
 saiisfaction of all present, except one, 
 that the foot and ancle belonged to the 
 laundress of the tenant of the easy chair. 
 
 " Not to detain you long, I shall pass 
 over intermediate circumstances, and 
 hasten to explain to you (he reason of this 
 hero's solitary rambles in beaver. His 
 absences became so frequent and so long, 
 that some of the junior fellows resolved 
 to watch his steps, which they found 
 were always directed to a. house in the 
 neighbourhood of Port Meadow, 
 
 *' This intelligence was soon imparted 
 to the seniors of the common room, and 
 a plan laid which promised much amuse-
 
 RHYDISEL. 59 
 
 ment to these holy men, who watched 
 the professor of ceHbacy one night to his 
 favourite haunt ; and waiting until they 
 were pretty well assured that all the in- 
 mates of the house had retired to rest, 
 set up a cry of ' Fire ! ' that would have 
 roused even Morpheus himself, had he 
 been asleep in it. 
 
 " Up flew in a twinkling two window^, 
 from whence issued a brace of heads en 
 bonnet de nuit, exclaiming : ' Where ?' 
 (forte), ' where ?' (piano) — 
 
 ** The moon was bright, — the divines 
 were sure of their game — each taking off 
 his hat, and tendering a humble reve- 
 rence, answered the double exclamation 
 with ' Good morning to you, Mr. Twist-
 
 60 RHYDISEL. 
 
 alir ' Good morning to you, Mrs. 
 Tvvistall !' 
 
 " Mr. Twistall, as I told you, had a 
 fellowship, — he wanted also a wife. Now 
 by the statutes, a wife and a fellowship 
 are not compatible ; for marriage, being 
 thought either ridiculous, or prejudicial to 
 study, is not permitted to the dependent 
 members of most of these holy institu- 
 tions ; therefore, he had hit on this ex- 
 pedient of enjoying both. Many cele- 
 brated men have been pluralists, and Mr. 
 Twistall had perhaps the fewer scruples 
 in following such good examples, — as his 
 cure of souls was not likely to occupy 
 much of his time. 
 
 *^ It is now just a month since Mrs,
 
 RHYDISEL. 61 
 
 Tvvistall paid the debt of nature, and 
 left the disconsolate survivor to perform 
 the last duties to the tenement in which 
 her spirit had resided. Determined to 
 show every mark of affection for one 
 who now could never repay his care, — 
 he posted to the minister of a church in 
 the suburbs of the town ; acquainting 
 him with his irreparable loss, and making 
 known his benevolent intentions, inquired 
 the expense of interring within the walls 
 of his churchy one whom he had loved 
 so tenderly, that for her gratification he 
 had risked the loss of his fellowship. 
 The clergyman answered, that five 
 guineas was the sum demanded by the 
 college to which he belonged, for a 
 grave in the inside of the church. — 
 * Five guineas !* cried the unhappy wi-
 
 62 RHYDISEL. 
 
 dower in amazement, ' five-guineas ? ! — 
 Sir, — you must be mistaken — the sum is 
 out of all reason.' The minister assured 
 him that it was a rule of his college, and 
 refused to listen to an offer of fifteen shil- 
 lings, which Mr. Twistall declared were 
 ten more than he thought to have given. 
 In short, the negotiation was broken off, 
 and a day appointed for the minister to 
 attend and perform the last sad and 
 mournful office to Mrs. Twistall's re- 
 mains, which were doomed to repose in 
 whatever part of the churchyard the 
 sexton chose to fix on. 
 
 ^' The clergyman was punctual in h^s 
 attendance, and partook of an excellent 
 breakfast with Mr. Twistall, who, as soon 
 as it was ended, leaned out of the win--
 
 RHYDISEL. 63 
 
 dow and asked, < Is she in ? — are you sure 
 she is in ? — —Then, sir, I am ready to 
 attend you/ 
 
 " On this melancholy journey he re- 
 marked what great improvements were 
 carrying on, and how much better Ox- 
 ford looked of late : — and when he had 
 seen that the cold and greedy earth had 
 fair possession of the object of his earliest 
 love, he made the minister a low bow, 
 and said ' Sir, I am very much obliged 
 to you/ 
 
 " I laughed just now at the answer 
 the young lady with whom he dances, re- 
 turned to a proposal of marriage which 
 he made as he concluded the set, in a 
 whisper. — ' Sir,' she said, ^ it would
 
 64 RHYDISEL. 
 
 cost you more than fifteen shillings to 
 have the ceremony performed, and I do 
 ' not like the air of Port Meadow.* 
 
 " Before we quit the assembly/' con- 
 tinued the dasmon, " it will not be amiss 
 to take a look at those who amuse them- 
 selves with cards. At the first table are 
 three gentlemen and a lady playing at 
 casino. He who has the honour of be- 
 ing partner to the female is a delegate 
 of the university. The morals of many 
 and the consciences of a few are in his 
 keeping : celibacy and chastity are for 
 ever in his mouth, — he recommends them 
 to the observance of his pupils, as a con- 
 siderate father to his inexperienced chil- 
 dren. — A few days since, while descant- 
 ing with his usual eloquence on one of
 
 RHYDISEL. 6,> 
 
 these his favourite topics, he was abruptly- 
 called away into another room ; where a 
 young girl celebrated for a pair of fasci- 
 nating black eyes waited to present him 
 with a fine child. 
 
 " On the other side of the table is a 
 bachelor with a face paler than ashes : 
 his modesty is so much in his way, that 
 he cannot be prevailed on to take a glass 
 of wine in company ; though he takes 
 four or five occasionally in a physical 
 shape ; and last night, perhaps taking an 
 over -dose, fell into the society of some 
 washerwomen, with whom he was dis- 
 covered at day-break this morning drink- 
 ing a sober cup of tea. 
 
 " The third is a man who flatters him-
 
 66 RHYDISEL. 
 
 «elf that he shows no little taste and dis- 
 crimination in affirming that the Samson 
 Agonistes of Milton surpasses any pro- 
 duction of Shakespeare. He is a lec- 
 turer, — therefore, enforces his opinion 
 with some weight. — I wish, signor, you 
 were sufficiently acquainted with the au- 
 thors in question, and their works, that 
 you might be convinced of the genius 
 and spirit of this gentleman's discovery. 
 
 " Pray observe his neighbour with the 
 shining countenance, whose face is sup- 
 ported by three tiers of chin from com- 
 municating with his rotundity of stomach. 
 He says he is very abstinent, and cannot 
 account for his corpulence ; forgetting 
 the excellence of the college ale.
 
 RHYDISEL. 67 
 
 " Look at that reverend gentleman 
 who has just risen from the table : his 
 history and adventures have lately been 
 rather interesting. Having waited many 
 years as a fellow of a college in almost 
 daily expectation of a living ; at an ad- 
 vanced age he at length obtained the first 
 object of his wishes. The second was a 
 wife ; and the gentleman having nearly 
 reached his fiftieth year, began to be se- 
 riously afraid that his entrance into the 
 pale of matrimony, if delayed any longer, 
 would not be productive of his third wish 
 — an heir. 
 
 " Impatient of delay, he eagerly seized 
 the first opportunity that presented itself, 
 and commenced Benedick,
 
 68 RH\D1SEL. 
 
 " Some few weeks after the eventful day 
 of wedlock, the still enraptured bride- 
 'groom received an epistle to this effect : 
 
 " ' Reverend sir, 
 
 " ' Hearing you have married Miss 
 Grace Quickly, this comes to inform 
 you, that you have thereby become lia- 
 ble for her debts incurred during her 
 last lying-in at my house; — will thank 
 you to remit as per bill, and to say if I 
 shall send the child to you ? — 
 
 * Your humble servant, 
 ' Lltcretia Coupler.'"
 
 RHYDISEL. 69 
 
 CHAPTER IV, 
 
 1 HERE is an elderly lady with two 
 younger ones, just set down to ombre," 
 continued Rhydisel, " w^ho have been 
 walking up and down the ball-ropm for 
 the last two hours, and mingling as much 
 as possible with the rest of the company, 
 in an ungratified wish to attract the no- 
 tice and attention of some of the young 
 men ; but no one has even asked them 
 to dance, and they are come here in de- 
 spair to while away the time at cards.
 
 70 RHYDISEL. 
 
 " Their adventures of late have been 
 very ridiculous ; and I cannot refrain from 
 satisfying a desire which I feel to enter- 
 tain you with them. 
 
 ^' They are inhabitants of a small town 
 in Northumberland, and, what may seem 
 surprising, the two young ones prevailed 
 on the old lady, who you perceive acts 
 as chaperone, to accompany them to 
 Brighton, in consequence of having seen 
 the marriage of one of their schoolfellows 
 with a gentleman of good fortune there^ 
 recorded in a newspaper. 
 
 *' On leaving school they vowed to each 
 other an eternal friendship, and cemented 
 it by perusing together the contents of a 
 circulatiDg library ; and then, insensible
 
 RHYDISEL. 71 
 
 that an introduction would be at all ne- 
 cessary, set out, like the heroines of their 
 enchanting romances, imagining wherever 
 they were seen admiration would of course 
 follow, and supposing (I leave you to judge 
 how vainly ) that their very first appearance 
 would infallibly gain them innumerable 
 suitors of the highest consequence, — 
 among whom they discreetly predeter- 
 mined to select only those of the best 
 rank and ton. 
 
 " In a delirium of hope and expecta- 
 tion, they made their entree three months 
 since on the Steyne ; frequented the libra- 
 ries, balls, plays, races ; displayed their 
 charms real and personal, and jewels real 
 and sham, — all in vain. They were com- 
 pletely overlooked, and totally disregarded.
 
 72 RHYDISEL. 
 
 " Having spent a year's income of the 
 youngest of the trio in this expedition, 
 (the others having none,) they were on 
 their return, when the fame of this festi- 
 val attracted their notice, and brought 
 them fifty miles out of their way to make 
 this their last coup d'essai^ previous to 
 the utter resignation of their hopes ; think- 
 ing they had a chance of success among 
 so many unmarried young men. 
 
 *^ They have (you see) travelled a 
 great many hundred miles to discover 
 their insignificance j yet. it is probable 
 that when they return to their native place, 
 they will, by the exaggerated accounts 
 they design to give of the ideal pleasures 
 they have enjoyed, excite the envy of 
 their less travelled neighbours j and thus.
 
 RHYDISEL. 7v3 
 
 consoling themselves for the real vexa- 
 tions they have endured, like Itinerant 
 romances, make fools in their turn." 
 
 " What Is that young man reading," 
 said VIncentIo, '' In the corner of the 
 room, that seems to have such a risible 
 effect on his companions who are listen- 
 ing to him ? " — " He is a facetious un- 
 dergraduate," replied the devil, " good- 
 natured to a proverb, who has got a 
 newspaper which he pretends to be read- 
 ing out to his auditors, but in fact is amus- 
 ing them with some laughable sallies of 
 his own imagination. Listen to him, si~ 
 gnor Don Juan ; even critics, though the 
 dullest of mortals, sometimes say a sharp 
 thing." 
 
 VOL. I. E
 
 74- RHYDISEL. 
 
 ** Here is a strange report!" said the 
 youth with the newspaper.'* — " Read^ 
 read," exclaimed one of the by-standers* 
 " It is confidently reported in the higher 
 
 circles that Miss T L is about 
 
 to bestow her fair hand and immense for- 
 tune on little , the hump-backed 
 
 chaplain of Magdalen, a young man who 
 is highly deserving the honour that awaits 
 him/* — " Impossible !" cried Morla to 
 his guide: "why, she had better hang her- 
 self than marry such a '' — " Peace !" 
 
 said the devil, " and listen ; that chap- 
 lain is much my friend." 
 
 " On Friday last a dreadful fire broke 
 out in University college ; we are happy 
 to add that no lives were lost;, although
 
 RHYDISEL. 75 
 
 three bed makers, being unable to run, 
 from their advanced age, had their beards 
 dreadfully singed. This misfortune was 
 owing to the over-studiousness of a no- 
 torious bookworm, whose candle fell upon 
 his book during a short nap. The gau 
 tleman's name is said to be T , 
 
 *' In the press, and shortly will be pub- 
 lished, A Treatise on Female Decorum, 
 
 by Miss B : also, by the same lady, 
 
 A Satirico«didactico-poetical Epistle to th 3 
 
 late Head of . The himself 
 
 (it is whispered) will soon favour the lite- 
 rary world with an elaborate Essay on the 
 Art of Figure- dancing, with an appro- 
 priate Dedication to Madame Parisot. 
 
 " Suicidc^^We are sorry to observe 
 E 2
 
 76 RHYDISEL. 
 
 that this dangerous amusement is at pre- 
 sent very much in vogue. Such is its 
 fatal prevalence, that it has penetrated the 
 recesses of academical seclusion, and 
 gained additional strength from the bad 
 example set to the young men by a se- 
 nior master of C , a celebrated 
 
 Grecian, who lately put a period to his ex- 
 istence by swallowing part of a Lexicon 
 in which he could not find the exact 
 meaning of the only Greek word he did 
 Rot know ; and it is said that he had de- 
 molished the thirty-third page before the 
 dose took effect. 
 
 " Duel, — Early on Monday last a 
 meeting took place in Port Meadow be- 
 tween the V C and one of the 
 
 p , After a brace of folios had been
 
 RHYDISEL. , / 
 
 exchanged, the affair was amicably set- 
 tled by the intervention of the beadles 
 and bull-dogs, 
 
 *' Died. — On Sunday morning last^ im- 
 mediately after divine service, the rev. 
 
 Mr. S n, chaplain of Ch. Ch. It is 
 
 strongly reported that he died of a hurry 
 in reading it. 
 
 " Oh, here is something I did not ob - 
 serve, 
 
 ^' Elopement, — A few days since Lady 
 
 C M eloped from the house of 
 
 her father the Earl of , in company 
 
 with Mr. I the apothecary, who 
 
 carried her to his chateau on Claphani 
 common, where he has sworn to defend 
 her as long as he — can.
 
 io RHVnSEL. 
 
 *• Curious thejh — One of the female 
 b-:dmakers of Ch. Ch. aged upwards of 
 seventy, was lately detected by an under- 
 graduate fast hampered in a pair of his 
 leather breeches, which she had drawn 
 on about halfway, (no doubt as the safest 
 mode of purloining them,) without being 
 r:ble to get wholly into or out of them in 
 time suiiicient to escape detection. 
 
 " The young gentleman, although 
 somewhat concerned for his leathers, 
 
 could not refrain from laughing at the 
 spectacle the thief presented ; and calling 
 his neighbour to assist him, brought the 
 bedmaker into Peckwater, and exposed 
 ber in that costum>e to the eyes of all 
 the undergraduates; which afforded abun- 
 dance of merriment, and produced many 
 encomiums on the v^it of the woman, who
 
 RHYDISEL. 7i3 
 
 had intended to hide the breeches where 
 no thief-taker would have dreamed of 
 looking for them. 
 
 " Let us return to the deaths. — Died, 
 
 the rev. Mr. G , V P of 
 
 M H : he had retired to bed 
 
 apparently in his usual health, after eating 
 a hearty supper. 
 
 " Of the same complaint, after the Cen- 
 sor's supper at Ch. Ch., Mr. , a 
 
 master student of that college, 
 
 *' Fz^wJi.— Undergraduate Stock - Shut. 
 
 'Fellowship Annuities 1000 percent. 
 Allowance to Students 80 do. 
 Reduced do. 55 do. 
 
 Duns' Bills, postponed till after the recess." 
 " Bravo 1 *' cried the listeners.
 
 ^ RHYDISEt. 
 
 * I see," continued Rhydisel, address- 
 ing the Spaniard, " two persons amus- 
 ing themselves at picquet, whose looks 
 aftord an Indication of the pleasure and 
 happiness they receive in each other's 
 company, after a separation of eight years, 
 lliey have been married a few days only, 
 and are on their way to the house of the 
 lady's father in Devonshire, having been 
 brought here by that gentleman who leans 
 on the other's chair, to participate in the 
 festivities which this gay city has of late 
 afforded. I shall acquaint you with a 
 few of the particulars of their past lives. 
 
 " ' Ronald M'Alin and Leonella Merton 
 were friends from their earliest infancy, 
 and their affection increasing with their 
 years, arrived by degrees at that extreme
 
 RHYDISEL, 
 
 81 
 
 ^hich lovers imagine to be a spiritual 
 sympathy. There appeared to exist be- 
 tween them but one sentiment and de- 
 sire, one thought, wish, and expectation. 
 They were convinced thai they lived but 
 for each other ; and" anticipated, in the 
 prospect of a happy union, an age of 
 tranquil Hty and bliss,. 
 
 <f < When M*Alin- had completed his 
 twenty-first year, he was sent by his 
 guardian, the father of Leonella, (for his 
 own parents had paid the debt of nature 
 when he was an infant,) to take possession 
 of his paternal estate in Mull, one of the 
 western islands of Scotland, a mere de- 
 sert in appearance for a soft southern 
 gentleman to reside ii), although the na- 
 1,5
 
 82 RHYDIS£L. 
 
 tives find it healthy and profitable. — 
 Here he was to remain about a month. 
 
 " ' His guardian, who knew no more 
 of the Hebrides than an Otaheitean sa- 
 vage, sent the young man there at the 
 end of October — a season when the At- 
 lantic gales render navigation impractica- 
 ble in that tempestuous ocean, whose 
 waters he had the pleasure of contempla- 
 ting from the little village of Oban, during 
 three weeks that he was obliged to wait 
 there for moderate weather. 
 
 *• ' On the first symptoms of this he 
 prevailed with a party of fishermen to 
 take him across the sound that divides 
 Mull from the western coast of Argyle-
 
 RHYDISEL. 83 
 
 shire, and had nearly reached the port of 
 his destination, when suddenly a blast 
 from the mountains came over the deep, 
 and dashed his boat on the rocks. 
 
 '' ' The crew escaped with their lives ; 
 but Ronald lost both clothes and creden- 
 tials, and found himself on a wretched 
 island, without money or friends ; for the 
 first time in his life^ perhaps, being obliged 
 to have recourse to his wits for existing 
 in the world, 
 
 '' ' Mr. Merton had, in fact, brought up 
 his ward with too much tenderness ; who, 
 although of age, and properly educated at 
 his house, knew nothing of mankind but 
 from books ; and was as little qualified to 
 encounter difficulties of this sort as a child.
 
 84 RHYDISEL. 
 
 in Its nursery. Procuring a guide, he 
 walked in his wet garments to the house 
 of a laird, for whom he had had letters ; 
 and on arriving there, met with a second 
 disappointment, in hearing that this gen- 
 tleman was absent : a relation in Hay, at 
 the point of deaths, having sent for him 
 some time before, and the weather having 
 hitherto prevented his return. 
 
 " * The servants, seeing the deplorable 
 state of the young man, administered to 
 his necessities with great hospitality, and 
 supplied him with every comfort in their 
 power : but from vexation, and fatigue of 
 body and mind, as well as from his long 
 walk in wet clothes, their attentions seem- 
 ed to be unavailing ; for he fell violently 
 ill of a fever, which settled on his brain^
 
 RHYDISEL. 85 
 
 and kept him in a state of delirium for 
 several weeks. 
 
 " ' In the mean time the laird of Ni- 
 gawl returned, and found a young man 
 confined forcibly in bed, of whom his 
 servants knew nothing but what I have 
 mentioned as to his amval. — For^ in the 
 first place, they understood so little En- 
 glish, that M'Alin would have had great 
 difficulty in acquainting them with his 
 history, and indeed he was so ill and dis- 
 spirited that he had never attempted it. 
 
 '* ' There being no physician on the 
 island, nature at length brought about a 
 change in favour of the young man, al- 
 though his intellects did not improve by 
 it, but continued perfectly estranged.
 
 ^^ RHYDISEL, 
 
 So that Nigawl (as soon as he was well 
 enough) sent him with two servants to a 
 place called Archnacreig, that he might 
 be transported to the main land for medi- 
 cal assistance, not imagining who he was, 
 or what had brought him to Mull. 
 
 " ' In crossing this inauspicious sound 
 again, they were persecuted by a second 
 tempest, more violent than the first ; and 
 when the boatmen, having given up all 
 hopes and exertions, were expecting to 
 go to the bottom every instant, a brig 
 that had just sailed from Oban with a 
 colony of Caledonians, destined to specu- 
 late in the swamps of America^ fortu- 
 nately descried and saved them. 
 
 " * The master of thebrig, however, could
 
 RHYDISEL, 87 
 
 not put back to land them in Argyleshire, 
 on account of the storm ; and as the wind, 
 though violent, was fair for their course 
 to Halifax, M'AIin and his servants 
 were of necessity carried away across the 
 Western ocean. 
 
 *' ' Within sight almost of their intended 
 port they fell in with two Canadian ships 
 bound to London ; and M'Alin, having 
 in some measure during his voyage re- 
 covered his reason, requested to be put 
 on board of one of them with his ser- 
 vants, preferring the first opportunity of 
 returning to his native country, especial- 
 ly as he had no particular business in 
 America. 
 
 '' ' The ship which received him, after 
 a succession of fine Vv'eather, arrived in
 
 88 RHYDISEL. 
 
 the mouth of the English Channel just In 
 time to meet a French man-of-vvar com- 
 ing out of Brest, on a voyage to the East 
 Indies ; and the Frenchmen, not caring 
 that their escape should be discovered 
 from Europe, scuttled the Canadian, and 
 took the crew on board with them to the 
 Mauritius. 
 
 *' ' This was the most terrible hitherto of 
 the young gentleman's disasters ; as all 
 hope of revisiting England, and beholding, 
 his dear Leonella, (except at a very di- 
 stant period,) vanished at once.« — I shall- 
 leave him now on his way to the East In- 
 dies, and give you some account of Mr. 
 Merton and his daughter. 
 
 " * That gentleman having heard from 
 Ronald of his detention at Oban, had al-
 
 RHYDISEL. 89 
 
 ready begun to blame his want of consi- 
 deration, in having sent him there at such 
 an inclement season ; before the last let- 
 ter he received acquainted him that his 
 ward was on the point of crossing the 
 firth. From the date of that, he (as you 
 must be sensible) remained in utter igno- 
 rance of the youth and his movements; 
 and as weeks and months elapsed without 
 bringing any tidings of him, Mr. Merton 
 became naturally alarmed for his fate, and 
 employed a person to go to Oban and dis- 
 cover what had befallen him. 
 
 '* * In about a month his ambassador re- 
 turned with an account of his shipwreck, 
 at least of his having been lost in the 
 sound of Mull, of which Nigawl, being 
 himself convinced by the disappearance of 
 the boatmen and servants, had immediate-
 
 CO RHYDISEL. 
 
 ly satisfied him ; for he had gone to that 
 gentleman's abode directly from Oban. 
 
 " * Nigawl was himself amazingly con- 
 cerned to find that the poor maniac was 
 the laird of Loch Alin, and Mr. Merton 
 on hearing th^ tidings of his loss became 
 almost frantic with grief and shame. He 
 reproached himself with having sent him 
 to his death, and talked so wildly and 
 distractedly about him, that his servants 
 and neighbours were disposed to suspect 
 his having intentionally put him out of the 
 way for the sake of keeping possession of 
 his property ; and to imagine that his 
 conscience was now undergoing the pangs 
 of horror and remorse. 
 
 " ' The unhappy Leonella in the mean 
 while took to heart the loss of her lover
 
 RHYDI5EL. 91 
 
 with the greatest severity of grief. For 
 a long time she refused all consolation, 
 hardly able to refrain from thinking her 
 father, by his carelessness, in a manner 
 guilty of his death. And as this, among 
 a crowd of other melancholy reflections, 
 preyed upon her mind^, her health and 
 appearance gradually declined^ and she 
 seemed to be fast hastening to her grave. 
 
 " * To rescue his daughter from death, 
 as well as by a change of scene to relieve 
 the burthen of his own mortification, Mr. 
 Merton, at the end of a twelvemonth, 
 quitted his abode in Devonshire, and, 
 passing over to the continent, employed 
 between two and three years in travelling 
 about those countries which the emperor of 
 th& French had not cx^ctlv under his
 
 92 RHYDISEL. 
 
 thumb at that time : and lastly, took a 
 trip to Madeira, and settled himself in 
 a small villa near Funchal. 
 
 *^ ' Here he dwelt a considerable time, 
 during which the grief of his daughter 
 almost entirely subsided ; at least, it no 
 longer affected her but as a tender recol- 
 lection of one whom she had lost for 
 ever j and both her health and spirits re- 
 covered their accustomed serenity. 
 
 " * In this retreat Mr. Merton was one 
 day not a little astonished by receiving a 
 letter among others from Great Britain, 
 ^vhich on opening he saw signed Ronald. 
 It was dated from Verdun, and stated 
 that the writer was then a prisoner there,, 
 without money or means of any sort to
 
 RHYDISEL. 93 
 
 procure hardly a sustenance, much less 
 to effect his escape, and begging that Mr. 
 Merton would use his utmost exertions 
 for his assistance. 
 
 *' * I shall not attempt to describe the 
 consequences of this communication on 
 the minds of the father and daughter. 
 They lost not an hour in hastening back 
 to England, from whence only they 
 could supply M'Alin with money, or 
 procure his release.' 
 
 " Before 1 go on/* said the daemon, 
 " I must call your attention to those peo* 
 pie you see in an uproar at one of the 
 card-tables, who have been playing whisr, 
 till the lady, who is in such a passion at 
 having so bad a player for a partner, af-
 
 94 RHYDISEL. 
 
 ter abusing his game, has flung down her 
 cards in a rage. Her partner is endea- 
 vouring to appease her, while the other 
 ladies are fuming at her outrageous man- 
 ners. 
 
 " Six months ago the angry lady being 
 separated from her husband, induced a 
 gentleman to carry her off by force, that 
 she might be spared the disgrace of losing 
 her reputation wilfully. 
 
 " Unluckily for him he bungled at it 
 sadly, and betraying her character by his 
 awkwardness, in revenge was prosecuted 
 by her for a rape : and if she had not 
 proved herself something worse than a 
 fool, the poor devil would have been 
 hanged.
 
 RHYDISEL, 95 
 
 *' As he was acquitted, and her revenge 
 frustrated, sh'e waited until her husband, 
 who was likely to die, gave up the 
 ghost ; when she married the delinquent 
 — and that is he whom she is paying off. 
 Let us return to M'Alin."
 
 96 
 
 HHYDISEL. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 CONCLUSION OF THE STORY OP 
 M^ALIN. 
 
 JL he French man-of-war carried its 
 prisoners to the East Indies, from whence 
 they were brought back to Europe by a 
 frigate they fell in with on her return, 
 which landed them at Bourdeaux j from 
 which place they had the pleasure of 
 marching to Verdun. 
 
 ** ' Ronald, after travelling so many thou- 
 sand miles at the expense of friends and 
 foes, found this expedition the least plea- 
 sant of all his tours, being ill-provided
 
 RHYDISEL. 97 
 
 with shoes, or any thing but disap- 
 pointments. He remained a prisoner 
 several years, writing perpetually to Mr. 
 Merton, who never received his letters, 
 and making what efforts to escape he 
 dared ; but of course they could not suc- 
 ceed, as he had no money. 
 
 *"The silence of his guardian filled him 
 with the most mortifying reflections. He 
 concluded, often, that he must have died, 
 and that Leonella, long since married, had 
 given up all ideas of one so wretched and 
 abandoned as himself. Fortune, how- 
 ever, at last turned the tide in his favour 
 vi'hen he least expected it, and raised up 
 friends for him in the midst of his ene- , 
 mies. 
 
 VOL. I, F
 
 9^ RHYDISRL. 
 
 " ' Among the prisoners at Verdun was a 
 young Caledonian of considerable for- 
 tune,, who had taken a trip to the Conti- 
 nent during the short peace that happen- 
 ed between England and France ; and on 
 the war breaking out had been caught 
 in one of those traps which the great Na- 
 poleon sometimes sets for mankind. He 
 and M'Alin conceived a mutual friend- 
 ship, strengthened by every tie that simi- 
 larity of age, country, and situation, 
 could render binding. They conceri'ed 
 together their escape. 
 
 ^' * A lady of good family having seen 
 them perpetually^ during the long time 
 that they remained prisoners, fell in love 
 with the Caledonian, who was not back-
 
 RHVDISBL. 9^ 
 
 ward in returning her passion ; and hav- 
 ing refused to forgo his country for her, 
 (the sole circumstance, he said, in which 
 he ever could disoblige her) prevailed with 
 her to accompany him to England, 
 
 " ' The lady supplied him liberally with 
 money, by which he and M^Alin bribed 
 every one who had it in his immediate 
 power to intercept their flight ; and, col- 
 lecting as much of her property as possi- 
 ble, departed in the disguise of a peasant 
 with the two Scots^ who carried on the 
 deception so well, that with few difficul- 
 ties they got to the sea-coast, and, hiring 
 a fishing-boat, arrived In a few hours in a 
 creek not far from Deal, where they 
 
 came safe ashore. 
 
 F 2
 
 100 RHYDISEL. 
 
 " ' M'AlIn immediately left his friend, 
 ^Vith a promise to meet him again in 
 London as soon as he had discovered 
 the fate of his guardian and his mistress j 
 for which purpose he departed forthwith 
 into Devonshire, and arrived at a village 
 within a quarter of a mile of the house he 
 was in quest of, on the evening of the 
 very day that Mr. Merton and his daugh- 
 ter had returned to it. 
 
 " * Impatient of a moment's delay, he 
 hastened to the mansion under an impres- 
 sion which I cannot describe 5 and, having 
 reconnoitred the premises a little, ven- 
 tured to knock at the door. He ob- 
 served lights in the same rooms which he 
 remembered to have been usually inha-
 
 RHYDISEL, 101 
 
 hitedj and every thing about the place 
 seemed to indicate the same regularity 
 and order to which he had been accus- 
 tomed during his youth. 
 
 ^' ' The door being a-jar, and no one- 
 appearing to answer his summons, he 
 walked almost involuntarily in, and pro- 
 ceeded, without being aware of it, to the 
 drav/ing-room, wdiere he found candles 
 burning, and books and work upon the 
 table, v/ith which he fancied himself so 
 well acquainted, that he began almost to 
 suspect his long absence and imprison^ 
 ment had been a dream. — He then rang 
 the bell, which brought an old woman 
 into the room, who started at the sight of- 
 him, and threw him so much off his 
 guard, that he could not utter a syllable,
 
 102 RnVDIStL. 
 
 but 'ctood fixed like a statue in a state 
 of breathless expectation while slie re- 
 tired. . 
 
 *' * At the same moment Lconella and her 
 father^ whose curiosity was awakened by 
 the sound of the bell, appeared at tlie 
 door. * Ronald!' cried the female, 
 starting — ' Lconella ! Leonella ! ' re- 
 plied the youth, scarce able yet to speak, 
 as he walked towards her. ' Is it Leo- 
 nella Merton whom I behold ?' ' Ro- 
 nald !' exclaimed the old man, catching 
 him in his arms, ' my son,, my son, my 
 de-ar Ronald — Reaven and earth ! what a 
 meeting 1 ' 
 
 '' ' Leonella, recovering herself a little, 
 took the earliest opportunity of answering
 
 RHYDISEL. 10.^ 
 
 the question which M'AIIn had put to 
 her very much to his satisfaction, and 
 the evening was closed wiih a scene of 
 felicity which those only can feel who 
 have been long accustomed to nnsfor- 
 tune. 
 
 "'The conclusion cf their adventures 
 may be summed up in a few words. I told 
 you they were lately married :— they are as 
 happy as they deserve. Ronald, from 
 being a tame, insignificant youth, has 
 qualified himself for all the accidents of 
 life that can hereafter befall him ; though 
 I hope that the constancy and affection 
 of his wife will be a never- failing source 
 of happiness and content to him. He 
 means to takp the summer months for his 
 aext excursion to Mull, in company with
 
 104 RHYDISEL. 
 
 his Caledonian friend, who leans on his 
 chair; " 
 
 Rhydisel having concluded his nar- 
 rative, Don Jaan could not help ex- 
 pressing a degree of sympathy and sur- 
 prise at the patience with which Mac 
 Alin had borne so many calamities, and 
 declared he almost envied him his present 
 good fortune. " How sensible," said 
 he, ** this gentleman must be of his 
 happiness, I can easily guess." — " Of 
 -a truth," replied the dsemon, " he has 
 learnt to appreciate good : — ^^but a truce 
 Vviih morality, it is of more value in the 
 inside of the fabric we stand on than 
 froni the to-p-, 
 
 - *' The party in yonder house is brokem
 
 RHYDISEL. 105^ 
 
 up ; let us catch a few of them flying : — 
 I will explain to you what they have 
 done or wished to do this day, and 
 extend my remarks to all whom we 
 may see walking the streets at this 
 late hour/' 
 
 35
 
 106 RHYDISEL. 
 
 CHAPTER VT. 
 
 OF THOSE WHO ARE WALKING 
 THE STREETS. 
 
 JMaRK that little square man in the 
 bob wig. He is a schoolmaster who 
 came to the university to write for the 
 prizes, and to see how close a gentleman 
 might live. He was disappointed in his 
 first design ; but he has found that pease 
 pudding five times in the fortnight will save 
 him annually four shillings and five-pence 
 in the charge he is at for each of his pu- 
 pils : — of this he means to take ad- 
 vantage as scon as he has obtained his
 
 RHYDISEL^ lOT 
 
 degree, having been accidentally plucked^ 
 once. 
 
 " A fev/ yards behind him is an apo- 
 thecary, who has endeavoured all the 
 evening to dance himself into favour 
 W'ith an heiress to 3000/. Happening to 
 overhear her abuse persons of his pro- 
 fession to a lady who stood next to her, 
 he immediately conceived great hopes, 
 and became extremely amorous; when 
 another minister of jEsculapius, his part- 
 ner in business^ coming up to himj 
 whispered in his ear, ' I have raised an 
 infiaiiimation in the heart of the heiress 
 you dance with, and I beg that, as a gen- 
 tleman, you will not endeavour to sup- 
 plant me/
 
 JOS RHYDISEL. 
 
 " There is an elderly gentleman, a 
 prodigious astronomer, just coming out 
 of the house wrapt up in coats and ker- 
 chiefs, preceded by a servant with a 
 lantern, and led by another, who guides 
 him by the collar, whilst he reconnoitres 
 the way, as he crawls along, with two pair 
 of spectacles. — What a pity he is so blind 
 in the dark ! He has discovered, and to- 
 day explained before a crowded audience, 
 that the tail of the last comet was eighty- 
 eight millions fourteen miles and a half 
 in length. 
 
 " On the other side of the way is a re- 
 verend head of a college, who has lately 
 assumed a taste for the practice of medi- 
 cine. A widow, who lives opposite his
 
 RHYDISEL. 10^ 
 
 Windows, applied to him in a friendly 
 way for advice, whose intestines he found 
 on examination did not secrete sufficient 
 chyle; so to-day he drove her a few 
 miles out of the town in his phaeton, and 
 he thinks that if she repeats now and then 
 the exercise he administered, she will 
 soon regain her good looks. 
 
 ** A little further in the rear are two 
 young ladies, and a man who is brother 
 to one, and wishes to be more nearly re- 
 lated to the other. A mad-cap student, 
 this morning, who was jammed close to 
 them in the crowd, without being able to 
 extricate himself, after laughing at his 
 situation till he was almost in fits, had 
 the audacity to kiss the last 5 upon which 
 the lover, snatching off the offender's
 
 J 10 RHYDISEL. 
 
 cap, beat it about his head till he had 
 broken it in pieces ; (I mean till he had 
 broken the cap in pieces :) and he now 
 thinks, as a matter of course, that he is 
 entitled to take that liberty which he ha^ 
 revenged/* 
 
 " What sort of a creature/' said Via- 
 centio, ** is that whom I see wrapt, as it 
 were, m sw^d'dling-iclothes ? " 
 
 " That is indeed an uncommon jcr,ea- 
 ture," replied the fiend with a grin. 
 ** lie is rector of a small living in the 
 country, and receives pupils at an im- 
 mense salary, who teach him — I mean 
 wbom he teaches — nothing. He is a 
 valetudinarian, and lives by regimen the 
 life of an Epicurean, eating voraciously^
 
 RHYDISEL. Ill 
 
 the moment it is placed on the table, 
 every delicacy that happens to come 
 there, whilst his disciples are half-starved. 
 His heart is harder than flint, except to 
 his own qualms and fears of death ; and 
 yet he really imagines himself a pattern of 
 hjumanity. At the assembly just now, 
 three old ladies having got into an argu- 
 ment about the author of The Man of Feel- 
 ing, he took the opportunity of acquaint- 
 ing a few young people who were near 
 him, that the little excellence he pretend- 
 ed to, was founded on a wish to imitate 
 the character of the immortal Howard. 
 
 " One of his disciples who heard him, 
 being of a risible disposition, burst at this 
 into a loud laugh, to the astonishment 
 of the whole room, and was joined in
 
 112 RHYDISEL. 
 
 it by ten or twelve others who knew hi? 
 character. 
 
 *' The Epicurean (I mean the man of 
 feeling) got up in a rage, and having de- 
 voted half anhourto wrap himself up in his 
 integrity and great coats, (to preserve- his 
 health for the good of mankind,) has 
 just sallied out in a flame of indignation. 
 
 ^' After him I perceive two youths who 
 have escaped broken heads within this 
 hour. As they returned from another 
 college to their own, a jolly little fellow 
 accosted them in this way. ' Gown for 
 ever ! — There are five of us (including my- 
 self) who have been set upon by fourteen 
 raffs : you two will make seven. Four 
 are now in the hands of the Philistines, —
 
 RHYDISEL. 113 
 
 follow me quickly, that we may relieve 
 them and avenge ourselves/ 
 
 «« Whereabouts are they ?' said one. — 
 
 * Fourteen to seven,' said the other, 
 
 * are terrible odds/ — ' Courage I ' 
 cried the jolly fellow. * We want not 
 courage,' answered the others ; ' but 
 reason is superior to bodily strength : 
 perhaps we may convince them/ — * A 
 fig for argument/ — ' There you are 
 mistaken/ said the lover of controversy, 
 catching him by the button and stopping 
 him ; * beasts go to work pell-mell, but 
 men always favour each other with a rea- 
 son before they cut throats/ 
 
 " ' You mean, I suppose,' said he 
 that was jolly, ' that they cut each others
 
 3 14 Ri-iVi>rsEL. 
 
 throats, and then explain their reasons.' 
 * 'Tis all the saaie/ answered the other, 
 still holding him, ' provided it is given 
 before they are dead.' — 'The devil!' 
 cried the jolly fellow : ' Why do you de- 
 lay then, or talk to rne of argument ?- — 
 let us knock down the enemy, and then 
 •begin reasoning/ — ' Not so/ rejoined 
 the advocate for argument \ ' I shall ex- 
 plain that point in five minutes.' — ' You 
 contradict yourself every instant/ said 
 the pugilist. * What else is controversy V 
 cried the button-holder. 
 
 ^' But the little fellow^ impatient of de- 
 lay, continued dragging him along, and 
 at last brought them to the field of bat- 
 tle, where they could not have arrived in 
 tetter time, the fray being concluded.
 
 RHYDiSF.L. I 15 
 
 and the vanquished stretched on the 
 ground : for the victors having beaten 
 tliem handsomely, had thought it would 
 be as well to leave them to the field, or 
 the field to them, without waiting for re- 
 inforcements. 
 
 " The logicians picked up the wounded, 
 whom they have carried home ; recom- 
 mending to them, all the way, to use ar- 
 guments in future to defend their bones j 
 otherwise they study logic without ever 
 applying it : — for the worst argument is 
 better than a brok^en head. 
 
 " Turning the corner of that street 
 below is a corpulent fellow, who prefers 
 this time to take his walk up Heddfng- 
 ton. As he passes Magdalen bridge, he
 
 116 RHYDISEL. 
 
 usually meets one of his companions on 
 his return, who likes to take his walk 
 one hour earlier. 
 
 " On all occasions by day they are the 
 best and most communicative friends y 
 but in this light they pass each other after 
 the manner of Tom cats.'* 
 
 *' Who is that person all black in the 
 face ? " demanded Morla. — " I see whona 
 you mean," answered Rhydisel : '' that 
 gentleman is not of this university ; he 
 is a tutor and fellow of a college at an- 
 other, and came with a party of ladies to 
 see this show, — (that is, thej/ came for 
 the show.) 
 
 " He fancies himself gready in favour
 
 UHYDISEL. 117 
 
 with one of them ; who at the request of 
 her sisters takes advantage of his com- 
 plaisance, as they are very short of beaux 
 and money. 
 
 *' They find him of great use and en- 
 tertainment ; for he says witty things, and 
 laughs at them ; indeed, whenever he 
 opens his mouth, (as was the case with 
 Hudibras,) something laughable is sure 
 to fly out. At breakfast he tells them 
 why the water is hot — why tea is put in- 
 to a pot — and what causes it to come 
 out at the spout : — and all this, which 
 has been hitherto a matter of wonder to 
 them, he explains in the most astonishing 
 and clever manner. 
 
 " He dined this afternoon at the house
 
 118 RHYDISEL. 
 
 of a banker, who had invited four or five 
 young men to meet the girls he esquires, 
 where, as usual, he excelled every one 
 completely in laughing, eating, and per- 
 spiring. When the cloth was removed, 
 and the ladies had withdrawn, he dropt 
 the gallant, and lo ! the pedagogue alone 
 remained. He gave his auditors some 
 surprising information on every topic that 
 arose. — At one time he got into the sea 
 in search of mermaids — at another, he 
 set Rosier's balloon on fire — and at 
 list he told them that a chicken required 
 twenty- one days three hours four mi- 
 nutes and thirty seconds to be hatched, 
 provided the hen never moved off th« 
 nest, 
 
 *'^ This led him to a dissertation on
 
 RHVDlSiiL. 119^ 
 
 animal heat ; which he explained, by 
 acquainting the patient young men, that 
 he had examined hens' eggs in every 
 state of incubation ; and although it 
 should seem astonishing, it was no less 
 true, that ' the longer the egg had been 
 under the hen, the larger and more live- 
 ly was the bird in it.* 
 
 " He that sat next the hatcher of 
 eggSj provoked at his great wisdom and 
 learned superiority, and observin.g that 
 he wiped away his perspiration with a dark- 
 coloured silk handkerchief, went out for a 
 moment, and, procuring a little soot, took 
 an opportunity, now and then, to drop a 
 pinch on the sudarium, which the ency- 
 ciopasdian continued to apply almost in-
 
 1120 RHYDISEL. 
 
 <:essantly to his face. The other, deter* 
 mining to be completely revenged, told 
 him (when his face was smutty enough), 
 that the ladies had gone to the ball, 
 leaving a message for them all to follow. 
 
 *' Away they w^nt, and entered the 
 room amidst a peal of laughter, in 
 which the learned man, supposing some 
 good joke on the tapis, joined heartily 
 also. Presently his favourite coming up 
 to him, exclaims, ' Deliver me, doctor ! 
 What have you been at ? ' — * The gen- 
 tleman,' replied one of the youngsters, 
 ^ has been hatching a score of eggs in 
 the dust-hole/ — ' Nay,' said another, ^ he 
 has set fire to a balloon, and the smoke 
 has rather dimmed his complexion.' —
 
 RHYDISEL. 121 
 
 'Come hither,' said the lady, taking 
 him to a large mirror, ' look at your- 
 self.' 
 
 " One glimpse was enough — the up- 
 roar was so great that nothing could be 
 heard except a volley of oaths which he 
 thundered out as he rushed through the 
 crowd to the door, like a furious bull 
 carrying all before him — trampling on 
 some, jostling others, and almost un- 
 dressing half the ladies in his flight. At 
 last he got out, and has been wandering 
 up and down like a bedlamite ever since, 
 having just returned from the river, 
 whither he went in hopes of cleansing 
 his complexion ; for he was ashamed to 
 take the black face to his lodgings, and 
 you see the change he has v^ rought.'* 
 
 VOL. I. G
 
 122 RHYDISEL. 
 
 " Oh ! here comes a poet.'* — *^ A poet ? " 
 said Don Juan — " he is a tailor." — " He 
 was that thing a week ago/' replied 
 Rhydisel, " but he has received an in- 
 vitation to Parnassus. I must inform 
 you of a conversation he has just finished 
 with another curious character, a poet 
 turned tailor : but I shall first give you a 
 short sketch of the circumstances that 
 led to it. 
 
 *' A servitor of college, who 
 
 had been accused of writing a number of 
 sonnets, &c. applied to Cassimer, (so he 
 calls himself now, his real name is Ker- 
 syman,) to have a pair of breeches made 
 by a certain day. At the expiration of 
 the time the breeches arrived ; but the 
 person for whom they were intended was
 
 RHYDISEL. 123 
 
 invisible, and has not since been heard of. 
 Cassimer, at a loss how to dispose of a 
 poet's galligaskins, for they were of a 
 very strange cut, after some debate, de- 
 termined to wear them out himself. 
 
 *' Before they had been applied an 
 hour, he felt a strange alteration in him- 
 self, which he could not account for du- 
 ring the rest of the day ; but at night the 
 poetic flame burst out. He forthwith 
 resigned his business, by which he has 
 made a pretty handsome fortune, to 
 his sons, and commenced author the next 
 morning. 
 
 " He has had recourse this evening to 
 an indigent poet to correct his first at- 
 
 G 2
 
 124 RHYDISEL. 
 
 tempt ; who read it, and, shaking his 
 head, observed, *Thisw'on't do — lean 
 make better than these.' — ' What 
 have we here ? ' said Cassimer, taking 
 up some patchwork, without attending to 
 the remark of Balaam. — ' I am obli- 
 ged,' replied the poet, * to mend my 
 own habiliments, and now and then get 
 a few shillings in this way.' — * This 
 w'on't do,' said Cassimer, ' I can 
 make better than these.' — ' Every one 
 to his trade,' rejoined Balaam : ' but, 
 friend Kersy, let me advise you to ^ink 
 the poet, and resume the tailor.' — ' And 
 let me advise you to sink the t;iUor, what- 
 ever you do with the poet,' cried Cassi- 
 mer in a rage. ' Doucemtnt^ if you 
 please, Mr. Cassimer,' said Balaam ;
 
 RHYDISEL. 1^25 
 
 ^ sit down, perhaps we may come to a 
 better understanding j and first take this 
 from me. 
 
 " * I have been a poet, man and boy^ 
 eight-and-tv/enty years, and never cleared 
 by the trade but seven pounds and six- 
 pence in my life. You have been a tailor 
 several years, and have made a good for- 
 tune. The reason is obvious. An En- 
 glishman can live without poetry^ but 
 not without breeches : one suit of poetry 
 will suffice a nation ; but each individual 
 must be clothed. Then, what with cab- 
 baging, thread, stay-tape and buckram, 
 you are sure to make a pretty penny by 
 the expiration of the twelvemonth : and 
 although you have many bad debts — we
 
 126 rHydisel. 
 
 all know you take care to make the living 
 pay- for the dead.' 
 
 '^ ' Hush — hush — ' said Cassimer, 
 ^ don't be personal.' — ' Not so hot/ 
 replied Balaam, ' it is all fair. Now if 
 I cabbage I am sure to be found out : 
 and as to bad debts, alas ! I have none 
 other to pay or receive ; and instead of 
 making the living pay for the dead, I 
 have no chance of being paid at all^ or of 
 living till after my own death.' 
 
 ^' ' What you have urged,' answer- 
 ed the man of measure, ' is very true. 
 When a poet writes for bread he is pretty 
 certain of not getting fat : but the case is 
 different with him who writes for fame.
 
 RHYDISEL. 127 
 
 The world always underrates, and tries to 
 mangle those abilities by which a man 
 earns a living ; but it admires and ap- 
 plauds ebuUitions of genius when they are 
 not stimulated by pecuniary considera- 
 tions. I have enough to live on, but I 
 wish to obtain a reputation which may be 
 handed down to posterity ; and to this 
 every thing I write must contribute, be- 
 cause it will appear more wonderful that 
 one who had been bred a tailor all his 
 life should write at all.* 
 
 " ' Hah ! hah ! ' said Balaam, ' there 
 is reason in what you say— and you wish 
 me to superintend your works ?' — * I do,* 
 said the ci-devant knight of the thimble, 
 ^ 1 offer you a salary of ten pounds a 
 year/ — ' I accept it,' replied the poet,
 
 i^S RHYDISEL* 
 
 'on these conditions: — first, that my 
 salary shall always be paid half a year in 
 advance ; and secondly, that you shall 
 humanely superintend my tailoring/ — 
 * Well,* returned Cassimer, after a lit- 
 tle hesitation, ' let these conditions be 
 kept in profound secrecy — and here is my 
 hand/ 
 
 " The poet looked into it for the five 
 pound note, and not seeing it, hinted his 
 little necessities ; upon which the other 
 immediately delivered him the half year's 
 salary, and they went to work — the poet 
 to botch the tailor's rhimes, and the tai- 
 lor to botch the poet's jerkin. The work 
 of this last, being all straight forward, was 
 soon over ; but the rhimes being ill writ- 
 ten, and worse spelt, occupied so much
 
 RHYDISEL. 129 
 
 time that Cassimer has but just got 
 away. 
 
 *' Let me show you an apothecary in 
 distress," exclaimed the fiend, laughing. 
 *' Ah ! what a pickle he is in !"— ^' How 
 came he so ? " said the Spaniard, laugh- 
 ing also. " You shall hear," replied the 
 devil. 
 
 ** Four days since h-e sent in a terrible 
 long bill to an under-graduate, for medi- 
 cines and attendance during a violent cold, 
 which confined him to his chambers eleven 
 weeks. This the valetudinarian refused 
 to pay ; and offered him a part, which 
 he thought was as much as the pillmonger 
 had a right to claim. He reckoned with- 
 out his host. It is as easy to shirk death, 
 G 5
 
 ISO RHYDISEL. 
 
 as to sliirk a lawyer's or apothecary's 
 Debtor and Creditor. 
 
 " The minister of fate cited him 
 
 to answer the demand in the V 
 
 C 's court ; and knowing he had no 
 
 chance there, he paid the debt ; and 
 at the same time set his wits at work to be 
 revenged. 
 
 " To night he bribed a lad to knock 
 at the apothecary's door, and tell him that 
 a gentleman, whose lodging he described, 
 and whose servant he pretended to be, 
 was dying of the colic. Galen, who 
 had just got into bed, hurried on his 
 clothes again, and running into his shop, 
 snatched up his clystering machine, which 
 happened to be loaded 5 and half dressed,
 
 RHYDISEL. 131 
 
 followed the boy at a round trot down 
 the street. When they came to the house 
 pointed out by the boy, the apothecary 
 scrambled up stairs out of breath, ex- 
 claiming, ^ Which door? which door?' 
 ^ On the right,' said the boy. In 
 bounced Galen, and without looking 
 about him, there being a light in the 
 room, twitched off the bed-clothes, pre- 
 paring to administer his apozem, when 
 he saw there were two persons in the 
 bed. — One of them, an Irishman, starting 
 up, caught the operator by the throaty 
 and, snatching the machine out of his 
 hand, fired it off in his face ; by which 
 he was so blinded and smothered, that 
 he could neither see, speak, nor defend 
 himself. Not contented with thus pu-
 
 132 RHYDISEL. 
 
 nishing the intruder, the Hibernian led 
 him to the door and kicked him down 
 stairs : then, waiting at the window till 
 he heard him crawling intq the street, on 
 his appearance by the light of the lamp 
 saluted him v/ith the contents of two or 
 three other machines, and then returned 
 into bed to his wife. 
 
 '^ Look underneath," continued the 
 spirit, '* there is one of the guardians of 
 the night requesting the name of a young 
 gentleman whom he has found talking to 
 that woman on h^'s right hand. He dis- 
 misses the offender with a reprim.and, 
 desiring him to call at his chambers to 
 morrow to receive his sentence^ 
 
 " The criminal has retired — the judge
 
 RHYDISEL. 133 
 
 or the jury (which you please) is whisper- 
 ing something into the ear of the fe- 
 male: " " What is it ? " said Don Juan. 
 
 ** I dare not but she answers No, 
 
 no, no. — Hah 1 he calls two gentleman- 
 like looking fellows, to whom he consigns 
 her — they are carrying her to the Castle 
 let us follow them,"
 
 IS4< RHYDISEL. 
 
 CHAPTER Vll. 
 
 OF BRIDEWELL. 
 
 XhEY alighted on the battlements in 
 time to see the trio arrive ; when one of 
 the prepossessing-looking gentlemen made 
 an application to the ear of the female, 
 and received No for answer. The door 
 opened, and she was delivered over to the 
 turnkey, who also whispered in her ear, 
 and was silenced with a look of ineffable 
 contempt. 
 
 " Now we are here,'' said Rhydisel,
 
 RHYDISEL. iS5 
 
 " I have a great inclination to give you 
 the histories of one or two who are con- 
 fined in this cage, — although there is not 
 much worthy your notice, its inhabitants 
 being all paupers, except perhaps a riot- 
 ous gentleman or two may have taken 
 a fancy to ruminate here a few hours of 
 the night." 
 
 " Do not baulk your inclination,'' said 
 Vincentio, " I shall be very much 
 obliged to you." — '' Sit down then," re- 
 plied the devil, " and look at the three 
 cells on the right, which are inhabited by 
 young females of the same description 
 as the lady whom you just saw at- 
 tended here. The first fell a victim to 
 the wiles of a master of arts, who was in 
 want of female society. — The second.
 
 136 RHYDISEL. 
 
 who is Still beautiful as a houri, was re- 
 duced to prostitution by the villany of a 
 ' who administered to her an intox- 
 
 icating draught, under pretence of giving 
 her a glass of wine, one day when she 
 brought his linen from the laundress, 
 who was her mother. And the third is in 
 doubt whether to attribute her advance- 
 ment to a nobleman's valet, or to a grave 
 LL.D." 
 
 *' Avaunt, triobolary thief,'' exclaimed 
 a voice, " Hobgoblin wretch, begone!" 
 — Don Juan started. 
 
 " That is a precious rogue,'' said the 
 devil, *' who vi?as an attorney in good 
 business and repute some years ago, and 
 received a fair education in his youth.
 
 rhVdisel. 137 
 
 One or two of his clients intrusted him 
 with property, which he thought fit to 
 spend in women and gambling, and was 
 soon ruined of course. He has passed 
 every degree of rascality and wretched- 
 ness ; but withal retains so much of the 
 attorney, that he can never be quiet ; and 
 must always be a leader in every disturb- 
 ance. He has been called to account, 
 that is, put in the Bridewell, twenty 
 times ; and as soon as liberated is sure 
 to commence the same career, parading 
 the streets, and roaring out scraps of 
 dead languages: — however, he is no long- 
 er a hypocrite. 
 
 " Some time ago, as he sat in the 
 stocks, with a pipe in his mouth and a 
 pot of porter as usual by his side, occa-
 
 ISB rHydisel. 
 
 sionally haranguing the mob collected 
 about him, with the most consummate 
 indiiFerence ; a gentleman cried out to 
 him in passing, ' Are not you a proper 
 rascal ?' He answered immediately, ' I 
 tvas an attorney, — I know I am a liar 
 and a thief, and the world knows it ; — 
 and d — n the world/ 
 
 " He is now under sentence of per- 
 petual confinement^ but he has comforta- 
 ble quarters, and occasionally walks out 
 on his parole of honour. A vagabond 
 brought here for picking an old lady's 
 pocket of two penny pieces, feeling a 
 little cold, attempted to wedge himself 
 under the attorney's blanket, which 
 caused those anathemas that made you 
 start.
 
 RHYDISEL. 139 
 
 " In the next court are two men 
 walking up and down in profound silence; 
 they are apprentices to a linen-draper in 
 London, on furlough to take a peep at 
 the university, and have this lodging in 
 consequence of having refused their names 
 to a little parson, who did not approve of 
 their parading the streets at midnight in 
 their hats. They are now reflecting on 
 
 the folly of defying the C in its 
 
 head quarters^, and lamenting that they 
 have no money to open the doors with. 
 
 "There is a poor devil in the same court, 
 clapped up here for pocketing a hare, 
 which a reverend sportsman (who boasts 
 of killing annually 500 head of game) 
 found caught in a wire, as he was rang-
 
 340 RHYDISf:L. 
 
 ing his college manor last week. Deter- 
 mined to detect the poacher, his reverence 
 concealed himself in a thicket hard by ; 
 having first brought the hare a little more 
 into sight ; and after waiting seven hours, 
 until just the dusk of evening, saw this 
 countryman come near the spot with a 
 sheep cur at his heels. The dog wind- 
 ing the hare dragged it into the path, 
 and the peasant, no doubt glad of the 
 prize, naturally took it from him. 
 
 " As soon as the animal was in his 
 hand, out rushed, from his hiding-place, 
 the professor of mercy, and, catching the 
 culprit by the throat, demanded his 
 name. In vain the countryman urged
 
 RHYDISEL. 141 
 
 his innocence, and protested that his 
 finding the hare was accidental. — ^^ You 
 shall suffer,' said the other, * as a 
 warning to all poachers ; I am a justice 
 of the peace, and I saw the hare in your 
 possession.' 
 
 " The pauper being unable to pay five 
 pound is doomed to six weeks amuse- 
 ment in this agreeable place ; and the 
 justice has caught such a rheumatism in 
 catching the poacher, that at present he 
 literally cannot move a limb, and in all 
 probability will continue much longer in 
 bed.'' 
 
 " Was the countryman guilty or not ?" 
 said Morla. — " Assuredly of the affair in
 
 142 RHYDISEL. 
 
 question," replied the devil, '' he hap- 
 pened to be innocent." 
 
 — " Gold from law can take out the sting ; 
 For if rich rogues like us were to swing, 
 'Twould thin the land such numbers to string 
 Upon Tyburn tree. " 
 
 " Ah ! " continued Rhydisel, " that 
 singer is a strolling actor, who has no 
 business in this town where are so many 
 better." — " What has brought him here?" 
 interrupted the Spaniard. — " He sang this 
 same song aloud in the streets an hour 
 ago; and being desired by the officers of 
 the night to hold his peace, he had' the 
 assurance to mimick every word they 
 said, imitating in his answers the voice, 
 and gestures, of those who spoke to him, 
 so admirably, that they could not help 
 
 i
 
 RHYDISEL, 143 
 
 laughing at his impudence and talents, 
 and have sent him here to enlighten the 
 dwellers in Bridewell. 
 
 " Come, Signer Don Juan^ I will not 
 tire you with an account of any more of 
 these rogues — Let us adjourn to those 
 scenes where the acting of human nature 
 is less confined. I have a passionate de- 
 sire to show you a jovial party : the night 
 wanes apace, and sleep already holds in 
 his death-like embrace the bodies of those 
 who have quiet consciences, or nothing at 
 all to do. We can yet bestow another 
 half-hour on those who are out of bed ; — 
 sit down on the beam of Justice." 
 
 Don Juan obeyed the command of 
 the spirit; and mounting into the air, they
 
 144 RHYDISEL. 
 
 flew to that mausoleum of nothing, the 
 Radcliff library ; and having alighted, 
 " Look here," said the daemon, " at these 
 revellers, they seem dancing mad.''-— 
 " Indeed,*' replied Don Juan, " they 
 dance to their ovi^n music. I see there 
 are several young men engaged in the 
 exercise, and I suppose the old ones join 
 in the frolic out of compassion to 
 them." — " Aye, aye,*' said the devil, with 
 a shrug of his shoulders, " there is one 
 of them listening to some French poetry, 
 which another, who is tired of romping, 
 is reading to him : — let us listen to it 
 also."— '^ What does he call it?" said 
 Morla. — '- La Baillee," replied Rhydistl, 
 " a parody on a Latin poem which begins 
 with 
 
 *' Sedaxit miles virginem 
 F^eceptir, in hibernis," &c.— '
 
 RHYDISEL. 145 
 
 Here the reader of French poetry began 
 
 La Baillee, 
 1. 
 
 Un Capitaine hard! d'Halifax 
 
 Demeurant dans son quartier, 
 
 Seduit une fille, qui se pendit 
 
 Un Lundi avec sa jarretiere ; 
 
 Sa conscience le tourmenta. 
 
 Son estomac fut gate, 
 
 II prit le fort ratifia, 
 
 Et ne pensa que de Miss Baillee. 
 
 Ah ! la Baillee, la malheureuse Baillee, 
 
 Ah ! la Baillee, la malheureuse Baillee ! 
 2. 
 Un soir se couchant de bonne heure, 
 Car il avoit la fievre, 
 Dit-il, " Je suis un beau gar9on, 
 Mais volage comme une chevre.'* 
 Sa lumiere brule pale et bleu, 
 Le suif et coton mele, 
 Un revenant approche son lit, 
 Et cria « Voici Baillee!'' 
 
 Ah! la Baillee, &c. 
 VOL. I. H
 
 146 RHYDI5EL. 
 
 3. 
 " Va-t-en,** dit-11, " ou Diable m'emporte 
 . Je tirai la sonnette.'* 
 " Cher capiuine," repond la dame, 
 " Quelle condulte malhonnete ! 
 Le commissaire fut trop severe 
 Envers une fille si grelee, 
 Et le pretre ne veut pas dire la messe 
 Pour I'ame de ma^m'selle Baillee." 
 
 Ah la Baillee, &c. 
 4. 
 « Cher revenant," dit-il tout has, 
 " Arrangeons notre affaire ; 
 Une banquenote dans ma culotte 
 Ferme ta cimetiere :" 
 Gaiement s'enfuit alors Pesprlt, 
 Son sort si bien demele, 
 *< Adieu, cher fripon capitaine Smith, 
 N*oubliez pas votre Baillee." 
 
 Ah la Baillee, &c. 
 
 " Ha, ha ! " said Don Juan at the con-
 
 RHYDISEL. 14T 
 
 elusion of the song, " Miss Baiby to the 
 tune of Alley Croaker ! Is this the study 
 and the fruits of that wig ? — Parva leves ca- 
 piunt animos with a vengeance/' — "Nay," 
 replied the dsemon, " you should rather 
 say Dulce est desipere in loco^ — " Oh," 
 exclaimed the Spaniard, again laughing, 
 '' this is the place to play the fool in, 
 is it ?" — " Hie et ubique. There is a 
 youngster who has just picked up a pa- 
 per," continued the devil, "^ which an old 
 fellow has dropt by accident, I mean to 
 say on purpose, from his pocket. This 
 is his usual modest vi^ay of entertaining 
 his friends with his compositions. 
 
 ^'The paper contains two little bijoux; 
 iho. first of which he wrote several years 
 ago, on an occasion of being rejected by 
 H 2
 
 148 RHYDISEL. 
 
 a young widow, to whom he tendered his 
 heart ; and the last owes its origin to 
 some reflections that you may discover 
 in it. 
 
 '^ The young man is beginning to read 
 them aloud." — " Hear him, hear him, 
 hear him" from all quarters. 
 
 The Curse of Curses, 
 
 1. 
 
 When harvest week hath slowly sped. 
 And poor folks scantily are fed, 
 And weeping mothers hang the head 
 While younkers ask in vain for bread ; 
 Then famine is a curse, 
 Algates there is a worse ; 
 And if ye tell it not, ye are but young, 
 It is the flytinge of a woman's tongue.
 
 KHYDISEL. 149 
 
 2. 
 
 When war the bloody signal rears. 
 And sickles yield to biting spears, 
 And bodies be withouten biers, 
 And fields are wonne by widows' tears ; 
 Then war it is a curse, 
 Algates there is a worse. 
 And if. Sec. 
 
 3. 
 When sickness hangs i' th' tainted air. 
 
 And cunning leeches useless are, 
 And death, relentless, will not spare 
 Or lusty youth or beauty rare ; 
 
 Then plague it is a curse, 
 
 Algates there is a worse. 
 And if, &c. 
 
 " One would think," said Rhydisel, 
 " by the comparisons, that the old gen- 
 tleman had run the gauntlet of at least a 
 Turk's allowance of wives : now for the 
 next/' —
 
 150 RHYDISEL. 
 
 The Worm King ! ! ! 
 
 1. 
 
 Who is it th-^t casts so terrific a frown 
 Oil the sti ipling that wistfully hangs by her gown ? 
 'Tis a mother, who chides by her menacing mien 
 Her son, who would flain eat some gooseberries 
 
 green. 
 
 2. 
 " Oh see whiit fine gooseberries hang on yon 
 
 tree ! 
 Mamma, dear mamma, won't you give some to 
 
 rrer" 
 
 " Oh no, my dear boy, 'tis too soon in the spring ; 
 
 If you taste them, you'll go to the dread Worm 
 
 King.- 
 
 3. 
 
 " Who is he, dear mamma r" *' Oh, a terrible man 
 
 Who catches young children whenever he can ; 
 
 'Twas he that yon gooseberries hung on the tree. 
 
 That thou m/ightst eat them, and that he might 
 
 eat thee.
 
 RHYDISEL. 151 
 
 4. 
 ** He is tall as a steeple, has jaws like the grave. 
 He eats and he eats, yet ne'er ceases to crave ; 
 His teeth like the shark's, like the serpent's his 
 
 sting ; 
 Beware how you go to the dread Worm King." 
 
 5. 
 The mamma turn'd her back, and no sooner 
 
 was gone, 
 Than the boy ate the gooseberries every one ; . 
 And with horrible pleasure the Worm King he 
 
 smiled ; 
 When returning too late, she thus questioned her 
 
 child : 
 
 6. 
 <* Ah, what has become of those gooseberries, 
 
 pray ?" 
 **Dear mamma, p'rhaps the Worm King has 
 
 ta'en them away.*' 
 Oh who but that mother turn'd wrathfully red 
 As she put him (but first whipthim soundly) to 
 
 bed?
 
 152 RHYDISEL. 
 
 7. 
 She sent for the doctor, but vain was his skill j 
 The gooseberries griped the poor sufferer still : 
 And had it not been for thy lozenges, Ching ! ! 
 That child must have gone to the dread Worm 
 King. 
 
 " Well," said Don Juan, *' it must be 
 confessed that he has been very liberal in 
 the warmth of his gratitude to the dealer 
 in lozenges. — Poor gentleman, I should 
 have thought the temperature of his body, 
 from the appearance of its nasal thermo- 
 meter, would have scorched in a moment 
 any thing endowed with life.'* " He is 
 of a very prolific family," replied the dae- 
 mon, '' and the celibacy requisite in a 
 collegiate life makes him produce those 
 weeds, like as a flower running to seed 
 before it has well blossomed."
 
 RHYDISEL. 153 
 
 As the Spaniard and his guide were 
 about to quit the Radcliffe library, (or, to 
 speak more properly, that huge mass of 
 stone and mortar, which contains nothing 
 worth calling a hbrary, and seems placed 
 where it isjonly to spoil a beautiful square,) 
 the eyes of the first were attracted by that 
 pile of building containing the Schools, 
 Bodleian^-library, Pomfret statues, and 
 Picture gallery, Szc. who could not 
 help exclaiming, " What a blessing it 
 would be to Spain, did one of her univer- 
 sities possess the treasures inclosed within 
 those walls! The full and ample page of 
 science would then be open to her stu- 
 dents, and Gothic darkness give place 
 to the blazing noon of intellectual day/' 
 
 " Ah !'V cried the devil, interrupting 
 h5
 
 154 RHYDISEL. 
 
 him^ '^ that is all very possible, and I shall 
 put the same idea into the head of the 
 brightest genius in Oxford, that he may- 
 try the experiment in this university. At 
 present, the Bodleian collection might as 
 well be in Boeotia, for scarce any but 
 Boeotians have access to it ; — all its stores 
 of knowledge, innumerable manuscripts, 
 unparalleled fountains of information, are 
 scarce ever intruded on, even by the gra- 
 duates : and for the undergraduates, ex- 
 cept they are gentlemen commoners, or 
 some particularly fortunate scholars and 
 students, there is no public library what- 
 ever, though the whole university swarms 
 with books, and every college has a public 
 collection." — '' What," said Don Juan, 
 " can be the reason of such a system ?** — 
 *' LearniBg," replied the fiend, " is dan^-
 
 RHYDISEL. 155 
 
 gerous — Ignorance is bliss — and it is folly 
 to be wiser than the • 
 
 *' Look on this side," continued Rhy- 
 diselj '^ here is a sober assembly at so 
 late an hour! they look as grave as the 
 Roman senate when the Gauls caught 
 them in consultation. There is a young 
 man among them whom they call Mr. 
 Benedick, as if it were really his name — 
 What admirable stoicism ! Perhaps they 
 may be a little merrier towards day li;i;ht. 
 In the mean time, I shall entertain you 
 with the history of that Mr. Benedick, 
 who is going to be married after having 
 been a professed misogunist for five 
 years. I shall tell you, at least, what it 
 is that has brought about such a change
 
 156 RHYDISEL. 
 
 in his way of thinking as to make him 
 marry/' 
 
 ^* Money, I dare presume/* said Vin- 
 centio with a smile. — " I admire your 
 discrimination,'* replied the devil : " that 
 is the cause of such a metamorphosis in 
 general, but in this instance it is not so 
 altogether/'
 
 RHYDJSEL. 157 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 OF MAKRIAGE : WHETHER IT GOES OR 
 COMES BY DESTINY. 
 
 ** On a dark tempestuous night In the 
 month of August, during a storm of 
 thunder and rain, t.vo young gentlemen, 
 returning from a Northern tour, encoun- 
 tered a man between Llangollen and Os- 
 westry, whose terrified manner and fal- 
 tering speech indicated him to be under 
 the impression of some violent agitation. 
 
 '' He called to them to stop ; which 
 they refused to do at first, concluding
 
 158 RHYJDISEI. 
 
 that, his object being to rob them, he 
 probably had associates lying in wait, 
 with whom they could have no chance of 
 contention ; and, on this supposition, in- 
 creased instead of slackening their pace. 
 The pedestrian, with the same frantic 
 voice and gestures, continued running by 
 the side of the carriage, exclaiming at in- 
 tervals, — ' Stop — for the love of God, 
 stop.* 
 
 " ' What would you have ?' said he 
 who drove, as he pulled up his horses ?-^ 
 * A lady, my sister,' replied' the other, 
 ' lies under her mare, which has fallen 
 with her off the road into a ditch, and 
 we can extricate neither the one nor the 
 other — I fear the lady is killed/ — ' Hea- 
 ven forbid !' cried the travellers, as they
 
 RHYDISEL. 150 
 
 jumped down ; ' whereabouts is the spot?* 
 * Here/ returned the youth pointing. * I 
 ran forward, hearing the sound of your 
 carriage, afraid lest you might drive 
 against them ; for the mare is but half off 
 the road, her head and neck being in the 
 ditch, and her hind legs on this project- 
 ing bank ; which is the fatal cause of this 
 accident.' 
 
 " Just as they came to the spot, an- 
 other person who had been endeavouring 
 forcibly to drag the mare on one side, in 
 order that he might relieve the lady, 
 turned round towards the travellers, with- 
 out appearing to observe them, and cried 
 out, ' She is dead, she is dead, my 
 daughter is killed ! ' whilst he ran to and 
 fro, stamping the ground in a paroxysm
 
 160 RHYDISEL. 
 
 of grief and despair. In the mean time, 
 one of the young men jumping into the 
 ditch, and loosing the girths, while the 
 other held up the mare's head, they 
 quickly drew out the lady and the saddle, 
 whose pummels had prevented the others 
 from moving her. 
 
 *^ When she was released, — whether 
 from the fright, or the bruises she had 
 received, or perhaps from the effect of 
 both, — she appeared quite insensible, and 
 scarce showed any signs of life, to the di- 
 stress of all, and the unspeakable grief of 
 her father, who continued wringing his 
 hands and beating his breast, whilst the 
 rain still descended in torrents, and the 
 incessant flashes of lightning served only 
 to betray his agony, and the pallid coun-
 
 KHYDISEL. 161 
 
 tenance of his daughter, to the young men 
 who supported her. These thret, lifting 
 her in their arms and conveying her to 
 the carriage, put her into it with her fa- 
 ther : after which, one of them drove it 
 slowly forward, while the other two ex- 
 tricated the mare, and, securing their 
 horses, followed a few yards behind. 
 
 " In this order, the train soon arrived 
 at the mansion of the unfortunate family, 
 which v/as scarcely half a mile distant 
 from the spot where the accident had 
 happened ; and here the lady, biing put 
 to bed, and proper remedies administer- 
 ed, in a few hours returned to herself. 
 
 " The next morning she sent her 
 thanks to her deliverers by her brother,
 
 162 RHYDISEL, 
 
 regretting she could not offer them in 
 person, being still unable to move, from 
 the blows she had received in her fall, 
 and the struggles of her mare in attempt- 
 ing to get up. The young men made 
 suitable acknowledgements ; they hoped 
 for the pleasure of meeting her hereafter, 
 and, shaking the father and his son by 
 the hand, mounted their carriage and de- 
 parted into their own country. 
 
 " The family whom they had been so 
 fortunate as to assist, were Sir George 
 Collen and his children Frederic and 
 Margaret. The son is a young man of 
 great promise ; and the lady, who is his 
 elder by two years, in addition to a beau- 
 tiful person and lively wit, possesses a 
 large independent fortune, and of course
 
 RHYDISEL. 163 
 
 a great many admirers. You would 
 laugh, were I to enumerate the list and 
 variety of offers she has received from 
 English, Irish, Welsh,Scotch, and French- 
 men."—" Taith," said Don Juan, "she 
 must be rather difficult to please ; I won- 
 der that out of the whole list not one 
 should have made a prize of her heart." 
 " Many of them,'* said the devil laughing, 
 '' have been in a fair way of doing so ; 
 but being a clever girl, she always insists 
 on looking behind the curtain, and then 
 it generally occurs to her that the propo- 
 sals are made to her fortune. With all 
 this she has a strong turn for romance ; 
 and the adventure I have just related to 
 you carrying a little of the air of it, Mar- 
 garet has never since ceased persuading 
 herself that one of her auxiliary knights
 
 164 RHYDfSEL. 
 
 must be the person whose name is written 
 opposite hers in the book of marriages." 
 
 " Aye,'* cried Vincentio, " I have often 
 heard that marriages, as well as hanging, 
 
 come by destiny — is it a fact ?" " I 
 
 only spoke metaphorically," answered the 
 fiend : " you ask a very delicate ques- 
 tion — I beseech your worship to spare me 
 on that point, I shall return to my story. 
 
 *' The desire of beholding the young 
 gentlemen who had yielded her such 
 timely service, remained ungratified in 
 the bosom of Margaret for more than a 
 twelvemonth ; but, during the interval, 
 she found several opportunities of pro- 
 curing intelligence concerning them from 
 her acquaintance, by whom they were
 
 RHYDISEL, lb.5 
 
 always mentioned as being two notorious 
 woman haters, especially the eldest, who 
 is a great metaphysician and philosopher, 
 and a dabbler in all sons of arts and sci- 
 ences. 
 
 " Whenever this was represented to 
 her, ' Ah ! ' she would say to herself, ' I 
 must have that metaphysician ; it remains 
 for me to convert that misogunist : if 
 he despises other women for their want 
 of good education and knowledge, I 
 think I need not be apprehensive on that 
 score, — 1 wish I could have a sight of him.* 
 
 ^' Her wish was at last gratified. 
 
 " Frederic and herself, being on a 
 visit to some relations in Suffolk, stopped
 
 166 KHYDISEL. 
 
 one day at Bury St. Edmund's in their 
 way to a ball ; and looking from a bal- 
 cony of the inn^ while the horses were 
 changing, saw a barouche with two gen- 
 tlemen in it drive up to the door, before 
 which there happened to be a crowd of 
 carriages. One of the horses in the ba- 
 rouche, who had gibed, kicked, and 
 played a variety of tricks as he came 
 along the parade, where the great fair is 
 heldj at last, by a sort of dernier effort^ 
 ran the vehicle against the pole of a 
 chaise and smashed one of its pannels. 
 
 " The driver, in the greatest possible pas- 
 sion, had already raised his arm to revenge 
 this outrage on the carcase of the horse, 
 when one of the gentlemen rising up cried 
 out ' Hold 1 — }'our violence cannot repair
 
 RHYDISEL. 167 
 
 the damage.' — * What,' said the other, (his 
 arm still in the air,) ' do.'S not he deserve 
 a hiding ?' — ' If you come to desert/ re- 
 plied the gentleman coolly, ' what ought 
 not you to receive, who have worried and 
 beaten the poor creature through the 
 whole stage ? At any rate, do not put 
 yourself on a level with a horse, to gra- 
 tify your revenge : and if he does deserve 
 castigation, the greater merit and credit 
 have you in forgiving him.' 
 
 " ' Forgive him ! ' muttered the man 
 as he dismounted and unbuckled the pole- 
 pieces : ' stand there, you devil !' he ad- 
 ded, as he led him on one side. The 
 animal obeyed him, and stood there, 
 while the gentleman alighting from the
 
 168 RHYDISEL. 
 
 carriage walked up to him, and, patting 
 his neck, made this speech to him : 
 
 " ' Ah ! vermin, what a rogue's trick 
 have you played me ! Well, well ! it is 
 true, you have but a hard life of it — N'im- 
 porte — Post imhres sol — After rain comes 
 sunshine.' — The horse continued panting 
 and sobbing ; and the gentleman, having 
 his handkerchief in his hand, wiped away 
 the tears and sweat from its face, and 
 then kissing it, said, ' I hope, sir, when 
 your spirit has the honour to be a lord 
 of the creation, and mine animates the 
 body of a post-horse, you will not fail to 
 remember me, if ever I come within the 
 sphere of your generosity. Justice, you 
 know, is at best but a matter of course ;
 
 RHYDISEL. 169 
 
 SO I hope you will try all in your power 
 to be humane from principle/ 
 
 " In answer to this harangue^, expressed 
 in scraps of three languages, the horse 
 heaved a profound sigh, and turned the 
 bit in its mouth once : ^ I take the will 
 for the deed/ said the other, (the reasoner 
 I should say j) ^ fare thee well^ and may 
 God help thee ! * 
 
 *' At this moment Frederic Coll en j 
 who, as well as his sister, had listened to 
 this dialogue, and recognised the person 
 of the principal speaker, called from the 
 balcony, * Mr. Manley, have the good- 
 ness to walk up stairs, and let me intro- ' 
 duce you and your brother to a young 
 
 VOL. I. I
 
 3*70 KHYDISBL* 
 
 lady, who has a great desire to be ac- 
 quainted with you/ 
 
 *^ They ascended in a minute. The 
 lady received them with an air of feeling 
 as well as urbanity, and a pretty blush 
 overspread her face as she took (she said) 
 the first opportunity of thanking them for 
 having saved her life, 
 
 ** The metaphysicians were startled. — 
 Adieu la rhetorique, la logique, la meta- 
 physique, la chimie, la peinture, la mu- 
 sique! — a Penfer le celibat et les mathe- 
 matiques 1 
 
 ** After a little conversation, it appeared 
 that they were all going to the same
 
 RHYDISEL* 171 
 
 place — they continued their journey to- 
 gether; and I wish, Signor Don Juan, I 
 could have shown the philosophers to 
 you in the dance. Mr. Manley the 
 younger paid every attention to Miss 
 Collen ; and the other, whose principles 
 of misogunisni w^ere also in a very rick- 
 ety state of repair since the morning, felt 
 as great an inclination to recommend him- 
 self: but she was pestered with beaux^ 
 who completely excluded him from say- 
 ing a word to her, by talking incessantly 
 around her and to her, as usual^ of no- 
 thing ; and that was a theme on which he 
 had nothing to say. 
 
 *' The party remained on a visit at the 
 same house for about a week, in the 
 course of which the younger of the cl- 
 i2
 
 172 RHYDISEL. 
 
 devant misogunists made a tender of his 
 jieart to the fair creature who had revo- 
 lutionized him and his ideas so expedi- 
 tiously : — but she did not fancy him : — 
 as I told you, she had made up her mind 
 twelve months before for his brother. 
 The disappointed young man, therefore, 
 immediately on this refusal, relapsed into 
 his former principles, from the effects of 
 which he emerged three weeks ago by 
 marrying a girl whom he has been in and 
 cut of love with for the last seven years ; 
 and the elder, at the expiration of the 
 visit, departed with a high respect for 
 Miss Collen. 
 
 " Before he took his leave, however, 
 the young lady had come to a determi- 
 nation of accepting an offer from Mr.
 
 RHYDISEL. 17^ 
 
 Manley, if he made one ; and as he either 
 feared or objected to do so, (as soon as 
 he was gone) she resolved to try every 
 manoeuvre that could have a chance of 
 persuading him. She communicated her 
 intentions to her brother, who represented 
 to her (in astonishment) the impropriety 
 of becoming a suitor to ?. woman-hater, 
 or indeed to any man, but especially to 
 him, who was the most unlikely of all 
 others to care about her. — ^It was all to 
 no purpose. 
 
 " He who would turn a woman from 
 a design she is bent on, must invent some 
 new arguments to favour the accompHsh- 
 ment of his object, — none of those in use 
 at present can avail him.
 
 174- RHYDISIL. 
 
 " Margaret had taken every opportu- 
 nity before they separated of bringing her- 
 self into his consideration, neglecting the 
 civilities of her beaux, and confining her 
 conversation almost entirely to him : — 
 this, as she possesses a great share of 
 sense, and that vs^ell cultivated, he found 
 very entertaining, and Margaret was con- 
 vinced that another week of her company 
 would have drawn out the declaration 
 she wished : but now he was gone, and 
 she had no prospect of ever meeting him 
 again. After a fortnight's consideration 
 she wrote the following letter : 
 
 '' ' Sir, 
 " ' From the moment that I first be- 
 held you apostrophizing the spirit of a
 
 RHYDISEL> t(0 
 
 horse, my Imagination has dwt^k on the 
 recollection of your eudchesSj as well as 
 of the arg-uments by which you saved 
 the animal from punishment, I now 
 call those arguments to my own defence^ 
 and beg that my conduct may be excul- 
 pated, at least forgiven, on the same plea. 
 
 " * I declare to you, and I flatter myself 
 that you will give me credit for the as- 
 sertion, that I believe you to be the only 
 person on earth in whom I could place 
 this confidence ; for I put my reputation 
 so completely in your pov/er, that, were 
 your disposition other than it is, you 
 might sacrifice it to your vanity. 
 
 '^ ^ I am tormented with a passion for 
 one who is ignorant of my good opinion^
 
 !?() RHYDISEI>. 
 
 and probably may despise me when you 
 have made him acquainted with it — for 
 it is only through your means that I can 
 hope to excite any return ; and to this 
 end, I must entreat you will seek him, 
 and^ when you come into his presence, 
 say ' that a young lady of good fa- 
 mily and fortune, who is allowed to have 
 her share of personal charms, and who 
 has refused nuniberless offers, entertains 
 the greatest affection and esteem* for him/ 
 If he feel no sympathy^ — possibly his 
 pride may be gratified by this last piece 
 or inteliigeiice, and induce him to make 
 sjme return: — but I fear I deceive my- 
 self; for, how can his pride be gratified 
 who has none in this particular ? and 
 what return can I expect from one who 
 hates, shuns, and ab'jscs the whole sex ?
 
 RHYDISEL. HT 
 
 *^ ' I beseech you, take their part, and 
 use the arguments of a gentleman in be- 
 half of ihem. Remind him of the pains 
 and penalties they endure, and assure 
 him, that she of whom you speak will 
 never contend with him in understanding. 
 
 " ' If he asks (as he may) to whiit 
 cause is to be attributed this passion ? 
 say : — ' it commenced in gratitude for 
 a service he rendered her once, in a 
 stormy night, when her father and bro» 
 ther stood by in a state of distraction 
 from the apprehension of her being killed, 
 and that it has arrived at its present state 
 from an accidental acquaintance with hia: 
 humane and generous disposition.* 
 
 " 'You must expect nov/ that I shall 
 I 5
 
 178 RHYDISEL, 
 
 tell you his name^ — alas ! I dare not- 
 Spare me this one humiliation, and dis- 
 cover him yourself. 
 
 « ' M, C 
 
 '^ ' Ah ha, I am caught/ said Mr. 
 Manley, having read this epistle. — ^ Ex- 
 cept this be a forgery — what am I to 
 think of it?' The messenger that had 
 given it to him, being sent for, reap- 
 peared, and, after much interrogation and 
 cross-examination, convinced him that 
 the letter was not only written by Mar- 
 garet herself, but intrusted by her to 
 this servant, under a solemn promise of 
 his delivering it into the hands of Man- 
 ley. 
 
 •< < A pretty affair this,* he began a-
 
 KHYDI8EL. 179 
 
 gain, *and a pretty figure I must cut, 
 whether I say Yes or No. Shall I have 
 the girl, and become a laughing-stock 
 for my acquaintance ? — or retain my 
 character for consistency, and decline the 
 honour she intends me ? What a pity 
 she, should, think of throwing herself 
 away on me! — As I breathe, I have no 
 vanity — ^I am not a fit companion for 
 her— I'll tell her so forthwith.' 
 
 " He immediately sat down and wrote 
 to her — 
 
 " * Dear Madam, 
 " 'I am sensible of the honour I receive 
 in being the repository of your confi» 
 dence^ and never will betray it. 
 
 ** ' At your request I sought the person
 
 180 RHYDISEL. 
 
 you commanded me to find, and ex- 
 pressed to him the contents of your letter. 
 This is his answer : 
 
 ** ' Tell the lady/ he said, ' I am 
 flattered beyond description by her good 
 opinion ; and if I could persuade myself 
 that I deserve her offer, I should feel the 
 greatest earthly happiness in accepting 
 it. But she is deceived : I am not that 
 humane person she supposes me; and the 
 service I rendered her, being accidental, 
 i^nd unattended with any danger on my 
 part, has laid her under no obligations. 
 Then I am too ill-tempered to make her 
 happy, and my occupations are so nume- 
 rous and various that I never could pay 
 her the attention she expects : — after all, 
 I am by profession a misogunist ; and 
 what opinion could she entertain of me,
 
 RHYDISEL. 181 
 
 if I were to accept her offer, but that of 
 being an avaricious hypocrite ? 
 
 " ' I thank her most heartily for her 
 candour, which is so remarkable, that 
 it redeems her sex in her own person, 
 and in my estimation, from the obloquy 
 that I have often endeavoured to cast on it. 
 Of this I am now ashamed ; and I beg 
 you to assure her, that hereafter it shall 
 be my study to find excuses for the 
 frailty, and honourable notice for the 
 good qualities of womankind/ 
 
 ** ' You see, madam, what a change 
 you have wrought j but I will no longer 
 trespass on your patience. 
 
 " ' Farewell. 
 
 '' ' E. M.'
 
 182 aHYDISBL. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 CONCLUSION OP MR. BENEDICK's 
 MARRIAGE ADVENTURES.. 
 
 JL HE perusal of this letter raised a: 
 variety of reflections in the mind of Mar« 
 garet : but her pride was not mortified ; 
 for she saw in every line that Mr. Man- 
 ley's resolution was staggered ; and when 
 she came to the conclusion, * what a 
 change you have wrought !' * I have him 
 safe/ she said to herself, ' another letter 
 settles the affair. If I can but make him 
 think it a piece of honour^ as well as for- 
 titude, to take a wife, the day is my own.'
 
 RHYDISEL, 183 
 
 Full of the Idea, she immediately ad- 
 dressed him again : 
 
 '' ' Sir, 
 " ' I give you credit for your discern- 
 ment, and thanks for your pains in dis- 
 covering the person I requested you 
 would speak to in my behalf^ and I re- 
 turn my sincere acknowledgements to 
 him for endeavouring to answer my mes- 
 sage. 
 
 " ^ As he does not expressly decline my 
 offer, but only urges excuses for not ac- 
 cepting it, I venture once more to trou- 
 ble you with a few words to him. 
 
 " ' Request him to look forward to the 
 decline of his life, and call up to his
 
 184 RHYDISEL* 
 
 imagination the probable conclusion of it, 
 supposing that his sentiments of women 
 remain always as they are. It is most 
 likely, however, that they will change as 
 he grows old, — for daily experience au- 
 thorizes us to think so, — and hen. who 
 will marry him but with a view to emo- 
 lument ? — ^None. Some worthless crea- 
 ture, who can compound to endure the 
 peevishness of his few last years^ that she 
 may succeed to the possession of his pro- 
 perty, will be his bride : and if he con- 
 tinue a bachelor, his old age will not be 
 a jot more comfortable, as he must be 
 indebted to servants for the gratification 
 of his wants, and for care and attention 
 in sickness and death. "^ 
 
 '^ ^ After a life unendeared by any a£.
 
 RHYDISEL. 185 
 
 fectlons, without offspring for whose be- 
 nefit he might have lived, and who might 
 honour his memory, — he will retire, the 
 last! of his race, from a world in which 
 he has done nothing, as a blank in the 
 creation, unnoticed and unlamented. 
 
 * " On the other side of the question, 
 by marrying he secures one friend, who, 
 if she be a person of sense, can never 
 betray him ; he parts with the reputation 
 of selfishness, and has an opportunity of 
 improving the first, nay all human affec- 
 rions. 
 
 " ' Is he so unlike the rest of man- 
 kind as to be insensible to the charms of 
 youth and beauty ? and can he doubt 
 that the greatest happiness on earth is de-
 
 286 RHYDISEL. 
 
 rived from the interchange of kind offices, 
 and from the harmony and the endear- 
 ments of love ? 
 
 *^ ' The wisest men in all ages, as well 
 as the most powerful, except Charles the 
 Twelfth of Sweden, (who was a mad- 
 man J have been married ; and does he 
 hesitate to follow their example from 
 fear of a wife I Impossible ! — I know the 
 motive is solely a desire to defend and 
 persist in his principles, although he 
 must suspect that he has adopted them 
 erroneously. 
 
 '' ' If the arguments I have used, which 
 are none of my own, appear strained 
 and inconclusive ; in short, if his resolu- 
 tions are unaltered by them, assure hinii
 
 RHYDISEL. 187 
 
 I will desist from troubling him any more, 
 and bid him for me farewell/ 
 
 " « Well/ said Mr. Manley, ' I am 
 glad she disowns the arguments, or I 
 could not conveniently reconcile them to 
 her promise of not disputing with me ia 
 understanding, although they may easily 
 be confuted. That love and its endear- 
 ments have hitherto appeared to me to 
 be nonsense, — ^but I suppose I have been 
 mistaken ; indeed I begin to feel I have : — 
 What a puppy have I been to refuse a vo- 
 luntary olFer from a beautiful girl, of her- 
 self and her fortune : I must needs have 
 something very attractive about me, too, 
 that could lead a young lady so much 
 out of the beaten track. Well, I'll no 
 longer live under the sin of ingratitude.
 
 188 RHYDISEL. 
 
 dwindling away by slow degrees into a 
 
 rusty fusty moth-eaten old fel Egad 
 
 there is no time to be lost, I shall not 
 have a third proposal.* — He then an- 
 swered her letter in these words : 
 
 " ' Dear Madam, 
 
 *' ' The stupid fellow for whom you 
 profess such unmerited esteem (excuse 
 me for calling any one you approve stu- 
 pid) appeared so deficient in gratitude on 
 hearing me peruse your letter, that I was 
 about to put him to death in revenge, had 
 he not of a sudden fallen into a fit, and 
 remained for half an hour in a state of 
 insensibility. 
 
 " ' While I was meditating what plan 
 to pursue on his recovery, he started up
 
 RHYDISEL. 189 
 
 like a phoenix from its embers, quite a 
 different being in every thing but outside. 
 You will scarce believe^ that he snatched 
 your letter from my hand, read it with 
 rapture, pressed it to his bosom, and 
 imprinted a thousand kisses on it, calling 
 you all the while his friend, his guide, 
 his angel, and his wife -, and denoun- 
 cing himself as a fool, a dolt, an obsti- 
 nate, conceited, proud, arrogant, pedan- 
 tic, metaphysical coxcomb. 
 
 *^ * As I was entirely of his way of 
 thinking, I did not venture to contradict 
 a syllable of what he said: and after 
 having heard him swear on his knees that 
 , you were dearer to him than life and all 
 the rest of its delights, I took my leave,
 
 190 RHYDISEL. 
 
 he promising to appear before you to- 
 morrow and confess his un worthiness and 
 his love. 
 
 ^' ^ Dear madam, 
 
 '' * Your devoted 
 
 " ' E. Manley.* 
 
 *' The day following, this resuscitated 
 pbcenix made his appearance at the house 
 of Sir G. Collen, and with the ardour of 
 a lover in his teens adjusted the prelimi- 
 naries of his nuptials. He is to be mar- 
 ried in six weeks — meanwhile he takes 
 this last opportunity of celebrating the 
 joys of a bachelor's life with the votaries 
 of celibacy. This is Signor Benedick, 
 the metaphysical phoenix, who is going
 
 RHYDISEL, 191 
 
 to realize a new theory — ^at least new 
 to him, 
 
 <* Be merry, be merry, my wife' s as all,— 
 For women are shrews, both short and tall,— 
 'Tis merry in hall when beards wag all, 
 And welcome merry Shrovetide." 
 
 *' Here's a row,'* said Don Juan 5 
 *' what are these singers about ?'* — ''Oh !" 
 replied Rhydisel, " they are the solemn 
 assembly, who have just separated. As 
 they retire to their chambers, they console 
 themselves for leading the lives of Vestal 
 virgins by thus railing against the fair 
 ^ex, and, making a virtue of necessity, 
 persuade themselves it is honourable to \k 
 diagonally in bed. 
 
 ** Look at him who is waddling up 
 
 i
 
 192 RHYDISEL. 
 
 Stairs to his rooms, and feeling in vain 
 for the key of them in all his pockets — - 
 see, he sits down on the landing-place to 
 recollect himself a little.'* 
 
 J "Who, and what is he?" asked the 
 
 I Spaniard. — " He is a profound scholar 
 and philosopher,*' replied the devil, "who 
 has travelled over half the world, and 
 collected more information than falls to 
 the lot of one in ten thousand.'* — "What 
 a fortunate man!" exclaimed Vincentio. 
 — " Alas!" said Rhydisel, " he is rather 
 to be pitied. The knowledge he has ac- 
 quired makes him either envy or despise 
 the rest of mankind: he eats and drinks 
 in silence, and when in company opens 
 his jaws for no other purpose. Who is 
 benefited by his travels ? Rethinks hin:-
 
 RTIYDISEL. 'i95 
 
 self a miracle of learning, and all his ac- 
 quaintance think him in his dotage.— ^ 
 Look ! he has actually fallen asleep. 
 
 <* Can grave and solemn pass for wise 
 When men the stupid owl despise ? 
 
 *' There is another gentleman going ^ 
 out of the gate who had like to have lost 
 his gown and fellowship lately, on ac- 
 count of an intrigue in which a hus-- 
 band detected him with his wife. Bui 
 fortune favours the bold. The liusband 
 prosecuted in vain : he was so unlucky 
 as to prove his better half so liberal and 
 enlarged in her ideas that the lover ob- 
 tained the verdict, and he (the husband) 
 kept the wife. 
 
 '^ Observe that pair of priests cro5:sing 
 
 VOL. I. K
 
 19'^ RHYDISEl.. 
 
 the square beneath us in close conference, 
 — they are brothers. 
 
 '* He on the left, who expresses so 
 much agitation in his countenance, is re- 
 lating a misfortune that has befallen him 
 within the last week. 
 
 '' Half a year ago, being a junior fel- 
 low of the college which you saw him 
 leave just now^ and without much chance 
 of speedy preferment, he contrived to 
 make himself agreeable to a lady who 
 had some fortune and more experience, 
 although she could not boast of either 
 youth or beauty. 
 
 *' As she was of considerable standing 
 Jn life, his conscience represented to him
 
 RHYDI^EL* 195 
 
 that he was making some sort of sacri- 
 fice ; but he hoped to get over the ridi- 
 cule of his companions in the prospect of 
 making his wife the mother of a son ; 
 and to this end, so desirable, not only 
 took every nostrum, and tried every ex- 
 periment that he had either read or 
 heard of as being efficacious in the matri- 
 monial way, but insinuated them into his 
 wife also in the shape of broths and jellies. 
 
 "She soon found out his drift, and 
 consented, with little pressing, to assist 
 his pious endeavours to the utmost. 
 
 ** Ten days ago he left her at home, 
 apparently, and to his great satisfaction, 
 in a thriving way, and came here to be 
 present at the grand affair. Yesterday 
 
 K 2
 
 196 RHYDISEL. 
 
 morning he returned, and lo ! who 
 would -guess the catastrophe ! he found 
 his amiable half safely delivered of twins, 
 who with the mother are likely to do well ! 
 
 " Half deranged, he came back again 
 to the university, counting all the way 
 on his fingers the number of days and 
 nights he has been married, which he 
 cannot make amount to more than 
 five months and three days; and now, 
 convulsed wdth shame and vexation, he 
 unburthens his mind to his brother, w^ho 
 awaits with impatience the conclusion of 
 his tale, that he may in his turn relate an 
 accident which has also happened to him, 
 and is this : — 
 
 " Five years since, having no prefer-
 
 RHYDISEL. 197 
 
 liient beyond a curacy of fifty pounds, 
 he had ihe good fortune to find favour in 
 the sight of a lady with five thousand. 
 She married him 5 and, buying with her 
 dower a pretty considerable living, pre- 
 sented her husband to it. 
 
 "" After four years cohabitation with- 
 out any increase of family, the lady went 
 mad, and was confined until about a 
 month ago, when symptoms deemed 
 favourable appearing, she was again 
 hberated and brought home by her hus- 
 band to his parsonage house. 
 
 '' On the first Sunday after her return, 
 he preached a sermon on the uses' of 
 wedlock, in which he descanted particu- 
 lady on the duties of wives. Taking
 
 i08 RHYDISEL. 
 
 advantage of a pause, she (his own wife) 
 started up, and exclaimed with a loud 
 voice to the congregation — ' Turn out 
 Billy Riddle, turn that fellow (meaning 
 her husband) out of the pulpit : — Qome, 
 Billy,' she continued, beckoning to him, 
 * budge, take your useless body out of 
 that box — you know, you fool, that the 
 living is mine.' 
 
 " The amazement of the congrega- 
 tion i^Imost equalled that of the dwellers 
 in hell when Orpheus went there to 
 bring back his wife, his dear Eurydice. 
 As this Bacchante, however, persisted in 
 her speech without deigning to listen to 
 the arguments of her modern Orpheus, 
 the hearers began to laugh ; at which 
 her choler increasing, she rushed out of
 
 RHYDISEL. 199 
 
 her pew, and, running towards the pul- 
 pit, compelled her lord and master to 
 evacuate it, by letting himself drop out 
 of it into the aisle to avoid the fate of the 
 Thracian bard.'' 
 
 "Who is that yonder/' said Moria, 
 " crossing the street with such gravity, 
 and so black a nose ? " — '' That," replied 
 the devil, ^* is a prince of gallants, and 
 the very Cicero of oratory — ^a celebrated 
 preacher, who holds forth occasionally 
 at one of the fashionable conventicles in 
 the metropolis. Hhic Vice lacrymce — 
 hence the cause of his black nose. 
 
 " Having on his hands an affair with a 
 young lady of quality, to whose ac- 
 quaintance his eloquence had recommend-
 
 200 RIIYDISEL. 
 
 ed hiiiij he v/as endeavouring., c.>. tiNual, 
 a few nights ago to ascend her cfiamber 
 by the assistance of large nails driven 
 inio the wall for that purpose ; but, being 
 rather inebriated^ he missed one of thein 
 with his foot, and fell to the bottom 
 again. In the fall,, the very nail he had 
 missed caught one of his nostrils and tors 
 it nearly out of his face ; and the blood 
 that flowed from the wound, together 
 with the pain of it. making him ia:L?.gine 
 he had wholly lost his proboscis, he got 
 up, and, running with precipitation to t!ie 
 Thames, threw himself into its waves in 
 despair. 
 
 " The wafer chanced to be too shal- 
 low to drown him; and he, not possess- 
 ing resolution enough to keep his head
 
 RHYDISEL. 20 i 
 
 under, or to walk further into it, after 
 becoming saturated and soberized, 
 sneaked out of the river like a drowned 
 rat ; and repaired to a surgeon, who 
 sewed up his nostril, and has given hini 
 that black scabbard to protect it from the 
 air. 
 
 '* His talents, his wit, you see, could 
 hardly save him from a fate somewhat 
 similar to that of Brotheus, who, although 
 the son of Minerva, threw himself into 
 the iire because some one laughed at his 
 ugliness. 
 
 *' Not far behind him I see a Welsh- 
 man who had like to have met lately au 
 extermination by fire, for which he was 
 neither minded nor prepared. Sitting 
 K 5
 
 202 RHYDISEL. 
 
 over his wine the other evening, \vith 
 some of his Cambrian fellows, he inad- 
 vertently fell asleep 5 and whilst he 
 snored prodigiously, one of his tipsy 
 companions took an opportunity of 
 launching forth in his praise, and expa- 
 tiating with tears in his eyes (for you 
 know there is an affectionate effect in 
 wine) on his merits, integrity, sense, and 
 generosity. 
 
 ^^ Getting on rather too rapidly with 
 his eulogium, his breath faltered; and 
 beginning to hiccup, he tumbled out of 
 his own chair against the object of his 
 veneration, and knocked him into the 
 fire. 
 
 ** The snorer^ who during bis slcep^
 
 RHYDISEL. 203 
 
 from too great repletion, had been under 
 the dominion of a sort of nightmare, and 
 had dreamt he was dead, now feeling 
 the heat, imagined himself awaking in 
 hell, and bawled out, ^ O, my lord, my 
 lord Satan, this side 's hot — the other, 
 the other.' 
 
 " Look at that house just beyond the 
 church, where a reverend young gentle- 
 man, having just burst into a lady's 
 chamber, expresses by his looks and in 
 his speech the utmost surprise and disap- 
 pointment — she is his wife." — " Hah ! " 
 cried Don Juan, "' What ! has he detect- 
 ed her in an affair of gallantry ? '' — '' Ha 
 ha!" said the devil^ laughing, ^* the 
 furthest from it — she is as old as the 
 church nearly, and as honest:— this
 
 2G4 RHYDISEL* 
 
 young man she has married in pure love, 
 and settled on him a large fortune, which 
 he means to enjoy at her death. 
 
 " He left her to day to join a shooting 
 party in Warwickshire, and was over- 
 taken before he had proceeded twenty 
 miles, by a messenger, who acquainted 
 him that his wife, having b^en seized 
 with fits, lay at the point of death, and 
 ^nly waited to bid him an eternal fare- 
 well before she took her flight to heaven* 
 
 *^ The husband-, at this intelligence, 
 being struck all of a heap, turned back, 
 and, riding as if it were for his own life, 
 is just arrived in his dear's apartment^ 
 
 "Where he has found her — as well as 
 
 heleftfeer;^
 
 KHYDISEL, 205 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 OF FORTUNE-MAKING. 
 
 *\ In the next house," continued the dae- 
 mon, " lives an usurer, a covetous old 
 rascal, who never receives a salute that 
 is not followed by a request for a loan, 
 and never returns it but with the expec- 
 tation of getting ] 50 per cent, at the least. 
 
 " This morning, being accosted by 
 one who had occasion for his assistance, 
 he said he should be at home in an hour 
 and a half. ' At what o'clock ? ' said 
 the other. The usurer, taking out his
 
 SOS RHYDISEL. 
 
 watch and calculating the time, replied, 
 ^ e£2. — 3 — , that is; a quarter past two.* 
 
 " Over him is his partner, who is in« 
 ferior to him in nothing, and his equal 
 in vv it. So clever is he that he has made 
 a fortune by being ruined j a manoeuvre, 
 dr rarher a chef d'oeuvre, I shall com- 
 municate to you for the advantage of 
 your young friends. 
 
 " He and his comrade go to the Stock 
 market J the one resolving to sell 100,000/. 
 the other to buy the same sum, and both 
 accountable in seven days : that is, no- 
 thing more or less than to pay to, or re- 
 ceive from, some other person or persons 
 with whom they (in fact) gamble, the 
 difference in the value of so much stock
 
 RHYDISEI,, 207 
 
 at the expiration of the week. When the 
 settling day arrives^ the funds have risen, 
 and the 100,000/. are worth 110,000/.: 
 so, he that was seller, of necessity wins 
 10,000/. and he that was buyer loses 
 the same sum ; which as he cannot pay, 
 (having never intended to do so,) he be- 
 comes bankrupt, and waddles out of the 
 Alley to share with his partner the i ( 000/. 
 he has gained. Had the funds fall - in 
 the same proportion, he had of cc ise 
 been the winner, and the partner who 
 was successful on this occasion was equal- 
 ly prepared to have personated the lame 
 duck on the other. 
 
 " Now we are on the subject of mak- 
 ing fortunes," continued Rhydisel, " if 
 you are not too impatient to be acquainted
 
 208 , RHYDISEL. 
 
 With the circumstances of those whose 
 spirits are asserting their prerogatives, 
 whilst the bodies to which they are at- 
 tached are under the influence of sleep, 
 I shall have great satisfaction in explain- 
 ing to you a svstem by which the traders 
 in this town even, raise considerable con- 
 tributions. Do not imagine I am going 
 to tire you with an exposition of their 
 lying and cheating : every one knows 
 that without these two qualities a trades- 
 man might as well hope to coin his fingers 
 as think of getting rich ; and that for 
 the sake of their attaining them 
 they subject iheir sons to seven y«ars 
 upprenticeship, and pay a handsome sum 
 to have them taught, rather than they 
 should be neglected at home ; and that 
 although their children, naturally taking
 
 RHYDISEL. 209 
 
 after the parents, are prcne to falsehood, 
 still they cannot be made perfect, that is, 
 downrioht tradesmen^ under that time. 
 But no more of this. Sit down en the 
 balance. The system of which I am go- 
 ing to speak, rightly defined, is ' semi- 
 prostitution ; ' but you shall see and hear 
 the elements of it»*' 
 
 Don Juan being seated, the dcemon 
 flew off with him to a house in the 
 High-street; and passing through the wall, 
 they sat down in the midst of a family of 
 young women, some of whom were ex- 
 tremely beautiful, while others, rather 
 less so, acted the parts of gallants to 
 them before their mother, who sat as 
 judge, applauding and reproving as the 
 circumstances of the scene required.
 
 210 RHYDISEL, 
 
 Bon Juan observed one seated behind 
 .a sort of counter covered with gloves, 
 ribbands-, braces^ ^c, before Vv^hom one 
 of the gallants making a bow, or some- 
 thing between a nod and a bow, and put- 
 ting on an amorous leer^ at which the 
 other was no v/ay disconcerted , took up 
 a glove, which the beauty held open, 
 while the other pretended to try it on, 
 and presently drawing his hand away, 
 snatched that of the beauty and gave it 
 a kiss ; when she immediately held her 
 breath, and, putting dow-n her head, 
 forced the blood into her face, which 
 produced a very pretty blush. " Bravo ! '* 
 cried the mother. 
 
 The gallant again catching her hand, 
 and squeezing it tenderly between his.
 
 RHYDISEL. 21 J 
 
 after a shrug of the shoulders, and a deep 
 sigh in a voice somewhat above a whis- 
 per, murmured out^ " Oh, did you know 
 what happiness you have in your power 
 to confer, or what gratitude and venera- 
 tion you could inspire, you '* — "Sir ?** 
 
 interrupted the beauty, with an air of the 
 utmost sangfroid. " Ah !'* replied the 
 gallant in the same tender strain, " your 
 insensibility is insupportable/* 
 
 Here the mother called out, ** Jane, 
 you are wanted within -," and then drop- 
 ping a courtesy to the gallant, continued, 
 '' Can I serve you, sir ?*' 
 
 He (for he has not yet done with the 
 male character) immediately pretends to 
 buy gloves, and watch-ribbands, or a
 
 212 RHYDISl.L. 
 
 snuff' boxj and any other rattle-traps, for 
 which he pays ; but requiring change, 
 the old lady retires, and sends her daugh- 
 ter with it to him again. 
 
 Hie coast being once more clear, he 
 begins another passionate scene, in the 
 course of which the beauty recommends 
 to him a few articles of no trilling value, 
 by the sale of which she manages to 
 cherJ: him in three ways. First, she 
 charges him double price 5 secondly, she 
 contrives that the change she returns 
 shall be Flemish in its account ; and 
 thirdly, that it shall contain several bad 
 pieces^ at none of which his gallanti7 can 
 permit him to look. 
 
 At the conclusion of this scene, (the
 
 RHYDISEL. 215 
 
 execution of which the mother highly 
 commended,) the play being finished, 
 the actors prepared -to go to bed. As 
 they retired, ** Be careful," said the old 
 one, " never to admit liberties beyond a 
 kiss of the hand, unless a customer is 
 most especially generous, — when, with 
 an hour's pressing and considerable vio- 
 lence, he may be suffered to snatch a sa- 
 lute of the cheek ; after which you must 
 leave the shop, or ring the bell, or call 
 out. One false step would utterly ruin 
 us all ; but by properly managing your 
 gallants we earn a comfortable honest 
 livelihood, and who knows but you may 
 pick up some rich fools for your hus- 
 bancjs?" 
 
 As she said these last words, having
 
 2|4 RHYDISEL, 
 
 ptit out the candles and just reached the 
 door, she cast a look back into the room 
 to see that all was safe 5 when Rhydlsel 
 contrived to give her a glance from the 
 corner of his eye, at which she felt a 
 convulsive shudder bordering on horror, 
 and, hastily shutting the door without 
 speaking, ran up stairs to bed. 
 
 *' Crimine ab uno disce omncs^^ said 
 the fiend: *^ the counterpart of this scene 
 has been acted over the way ; at a house 
 in the Corn-market \ at another near 
 Magdalen-bridge j and in short wherever 
 there are pretty daughters or prentices, 
 
 " It must be confessed they are all 
 adepts in the science of extracting money 
 from the young men. Where knaves
 
 RHYDISEL. 215 
 
 thrive there must be fools ; but here are 
 fools who are proud of being dupes, and 
 had rather not see at all than see their 
 folly." 
 
 " I remember," said Don Juan, " to 
 have seen in this, as well as in the other 
 houses to which you allude, a young fe- 
 male generally seated in the shop extra- 
 vagantly drest, with her arms and neck 
 bare, and not unfrequently two or three 
 young gentlemen with her, who endea- 
 voured in appearance to make themselves 
 agreeable to her, and disagreeable to each 
 other. 
 
 *^ Indeed, I always regarded that sort 
 of person as a show girl, a trap, a flam, 
 a bait, a gull, a take-in j but I am indebted 
 to your worship for learning, that there is
 
 216 RHYDISEL. 
 
 a system, and a part of their education,-!^ 
 
 which their experienced mothers 
 
 Hah 1 whence is that groan. Signer Rhy- 
 disel ? — Hush !— again ! " . 
 
 ^' It proceeds,'* replied the dsmon, 
 ^' from the apartment of a young man in 
 the house adjoining, who is subject to 
 fits of extreme melancholy, and experi- 
 ences at this instant the very bitterness of 
 grief. His misfortunes are of so gloomy 
 a cast, and the distraction to which he 
 has become a prey so poignant and un- 
 merited, that his historyj from which 
 you would draw but little instruction, will 
 only fill your mind with mournful ideas. 
 We had better dismiss it." 
 
 " Nay," said Don Juan de Morla, '* If 
 on no other account, an acquaintance
 
 RHYDJSEL. 217 
 
 with instances of real sorrow must soften 
 the heartand improve the feelings : there- 
 fore, at least let me sympathize with the 
 melancholy of this youth. 
 
 " He that endures with fortitude, woes 
 which he has never merited, acquires a 
 noble spirit, and extracts a silent satis- 
 faction even from the very severity of his 
 despair. I burn with a desire to hear his 
 history, and my curiosity is already raised 
 to the greatest extreme. I entreat you 
 to gratify it.^' 
 
 " I grant your request," replied the 
 spirit : " but remember, I have antici- 
 pated your sensations, and again assure 
 you that your sympathy will be unavail- 
 ing. Let us, however, leave this apart- 
 
 VOL. I. L
 
 218 RHYDISEL, 
 
 ment, and ascend the wall of the young 
 man's chamber; you will have a better 
 vrew of him, and may also hear his com- 
 plaint." 
 
 Don Juan was not slow in following 
 Rhydisel to the place he proposed, who, 
 when they had seated themselves on the 
 house-top, began in this manner.
 
 RHYDISEI.. 219 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 THE HISTORY OF LLEWELYN. 
 
 ^' Near a small village In Carnarvon- 
 shire, situated on the extremity of that 
 promontory which forms the northern 
 boundary of the beautiful bay of Cardi- 
 gan, stand the ruins of Brynallan, the 
 birth-place of Richard Llewelyn and his 
 brother Madoc. 
 
 " Their father, who was a scholar, as 
 well as a gentleman of the first accom- 
 plishments, educated them at home un- 
 L 2
 
 220 RHYDISEL. 
 
 der his own eye until they were of age 
 to enter the university, and succeeded in 
 forming their characters and dispositions 
 so much to his wishes, that he was com- 
 pletely happy in the contemplation of 
 their perfections, and extended his desires 
 only to their continuation through life. 
 
 ** It was impossible that two young men 
 could have entered the great world with 
 more flattering prospects : they were easy 
 on the score of fortune, had to choose 
 any profession they approved, and were 
 united in a bond of amity not inferior 
 to that of Nysus and Euryalus, or Py- 
 lades and Orestes, — a bond that death 
 cannot dissolve ; for death, as I told you 
 before, enlarges the perceptions of the 
 immaterial spirit.
 
 RHYDISEL. 221 
 
 ''About a mile from this nursery of their 
 infancy dwelt a gentleman named Llan- 
 nau, their equal in family, of large for- 
 tune, and of a very advanced age, sickly 
 and infirm. He was the father of one 
 son and daughter, between whom and 
 the family of Llewelyn there had from 
 childhood existed the greatest harmony 
 and good will. 
 
 " As they approached to years of ma- 
 turity, the harmony of their afTection ex- 
 panded, and the esteem which the bro- 
 thers had long entertained for Mary the 
 daughter of Llannau increased impercep- 
 tibly, until it assumed the countenance 
 and the character of love, 
 
 " Richard was the first to acquaint his
 
 222 RHYDISiil.. 
 
 brother with the pa-^sion which he felt, 
 and he, in his turn, with equal candour 
 confessing his own, began a Httle con- 
 tention, as to the one who should with- 
 draw his claim, (each being determined 
 to give her up to the other^) which, after 
 a variety of arguments, they at length set- 
 tled, by agreeing that he whom she first 
 a c; dressed at their next meeting should 
 j)rosecute his views, and that ihe other 
 should bury his pretensions in oblivion. 
 
 *' The die was cast in favour of Richard, 
 who did not fail to take the advantage 
 his good fortune allowed him^ and by 
 his looks and assiduities, convincing 
 Mary of the state of his heart, quieted an 
 anxiety which she had long felt from the 
 first wish of her own.
 
 RHYDISEL. 223 
 
 " During their next excursion to the 
 university, one Lionel. Tudor, a youth of 
 great expectations, whose- father had 
 long since concerted with Llannau a 
 plan of uniting their families by mar- 
 riage, made his appearance to claim his 
 bride ; and Llannau, overjoyed to see 
 him, instantly promised him his own 
 and his daughter's concurrence, not 
 dreaming of her sentiments in favour of 
 I^i^h?-i'J, *.V'iO, 'dS yet, I'^ad never maue" 
 any positive declaration of his passion 
 for her. 
 
 *' Mary being made acquainted with 
 the nature of Tudor's vi^it, was at a loss 
 in what manner to receive his addresses. 
 Unaccustomed to disobey her father in 
 •any thing, she dared the less object to
 
 224* RilYDISEL. 
 
 his commands in the present instance, 
 having no reason to urge in her excuse ; 
 and" the two Llewelyns with her brother 
 being absent, she saw no hope of extri- 
 cating herself from her present embarrass- 
 ment but in making a friend of Tudor, 
 at least in requesting him to withdraw 
 his claim, 
 
 *' This she immediately attempted ; but 
 Vth^n endeaYou:i:;g to ^'A.^Wm »Gr;clf, 
 (not being authorized to urge any prior 
 affection,) her arguments appeared to Li- 
 onel a mere matter of course, at which 
 he smiled, while he continued pressing 
 his suit. — ^To come to the point, she was 
 at length obliged to give a silent consent ; 
 and the wedding being appointed to take 
 place in a month, Lionel returned home
 
 RHYDISEL. 225 
 
 to make the necessary preparations for 
 receiving his wife. 
 
 " He had not left the house half an 
 hour when the collegians entered it — and 
 at the first sight of Mary, Richard de* 
 clared his passion, which was backed by 
 his brother's arguments ; and to which, 
 when able to find words, she was obliged 
 to reply, by recounting the history of 
 Tudor, and his visit* 
 
 *' Imagine the sensations of Richard ! 
 Of all the disappointments that fall to the 
 lot of human beings, this, when it hap- 
 pens, is considered the most severe. 
 Almost bursting into tears, with a face 
 pale as death, and a quivering lip, he ia- 
 
 L 5
 
 226 RHYDISEL. 
 
 voluntarily loosed the hand which he had 
 taken as the preface to his speech, and 
 heaving a profoun.l sigh, while he struck 
 his forehead, exclaimed, 'Then I am un- 
 done for ever ! all my prospects blighted 1 
 Oh, Mary! Mary! how could you?' — 
 ' Ah, sir ! * replied she, interrupting 
 him, * it is too late now even to think 
 on what might have been our destiny. 
 My character compels me to put a stop 
 to this conversation ; and my engagements 
 enjoin me silence on the subject for ever. 
 Yet I cannot but own, as it is the first, 
 the last, the only time I can suffer my- 
 self to express my feelings to you, that 
 I never would have submitted to the 
 commands of my father, nor, perhaps, 
 would he have insisted on them, had
 
 RHYDISEL4 227 
 
 you acquainted me sooner with your se- 
 cret/ 
 
 ^' Richard immediately retired with 
 Madoc, in whose bosom raged a conten- 
 tion no less violent than that in his bro- 
 ther's. When he had resigned his pre- 
 tensions to the daughter of Llannau, ac- 
 cording to the decision formerly agreed 
 on, he firmly resolved never to interfere 
 with the views of Richard : but he could 
 not divest himself of his love for Mary ; 
 and his passion preyed on him incessant- 
 ly, although he never chanced to betray 
 it. Whilst he contemplated the happi- 
 ness that his brother expected, he scarcely 
 lamented his own loss ; at least he felt^ 
 or fancied that he felt, resigned to it.
 
 228 RHYDISEL. 
 
 But now that another was destined to be 
 the husband of heron whom his thoughts 
 and wishes turned; and that Richard ^ 
 disappointed likewise, was not to be be- 
 nefited by the former resignation of his 
 passion, he considered the mortification 
 as his own ; and, in this real or imagined 
 distress, was for a time unable to attend 
 to that of his brother. 
 
 *^ In the mean time Mary, who could 
 not withhold that fatal confession which 
 she made to Richard, gave a loose to the 
 anguish of her heart at the prospect of 
 the fate she had to undergo; and her 
 brother, the witness of her grief and of 
 the distraction of Richard, was little less 
 to be pitied than either of them, as he
 
 RHYDISEL* 225 
 
 could devise no means to put a stop ta 
 the preparations for this dreaded mar- 
 riage. 
 
 " As the time appointed for it ap- 
 proached^ the grief of his sister, instead 
 of subsiding, as he had expected, into a 
 tranquil resignation, assumed the aspect 
 of despair^ and seemed even to threaten 
 her intellects. Alarmed for her reason^ 
 as well as for the happiness of the two 
 families, he communicated his appre- 
 hensions to Llannau in the most serious 
 manner, and brought him to postpone 
 the nuptials at least, or he would infalli- 
 bly convert what was intended to be a 
 time of festivity and joy, into a scene of 
 mourning and lamentation.
 
 230 RHYDISEL. 
 
 " Llannau, who since the appearance 
 of Tudor had suspected the cause of his 
 daughter's hesitation, and had been a 
 witness, since the arrival' of his son, to 
 her agitation and grief, (the cause of 
 which, that he might be satisfied, he had 
 learnt from herself,) having repeatedly 
 endeavoured to fortify her with resolution 
 to preserve the delicacy of her sex, and 
 the reputation of her family, by assuring 
 her of the impossibility of receding from 
 his engagements — on this new supplication 
 was so enraged at her perseverance, as 
 he deemed it, in useless and unnecessary 
 sorrow, that for a few minutes he could 
 not utter a word. Before he recovered 
 his articulation, Mary, who had listened 
 at the door, interpreting his silence in her 
 favour, ran into the roomj and, falling at
 
 RHVDISEL. 231 
 
 his feet, entreated him, with tears in her 
 eyes, not to break her heart. 
 
 "' Unnatural daughter!' he exclaimed, 
 ' you will soon break mine ; and you, 
 unduteous son, who can second the 
 schemes of your sister to destroy the ho- 
 nour of your family, and bring my gray 
 hairs with sorrow to the grave ! Did I 
 not solicit an alliance with Tudor ? have I 
 not sought it through life ? and did I not 
 invite his son here for that sole reason ? 
 If you were so prejudiced against the 
 youth, why. did not you tell him so when 
 he was here ? why were you forced into 
 a consent then, which cannot be retract- 
 ed now ? I never would have opposed the 
 wishes of my children, nor insisted on an 
 unnecessary compliance — but' — here he
 
 232 RHYDISEL* 
 
 looked in his daughter's face, who still 
 knelt before him, holding one of his 
 hands between hers, and gazing through 
 her tears on his venerable countenance : — 
 he paused at the sight ; and she, never 
 moving her eyes, that were fixed on his, 
 said, * Father, it shall be done.' 
 
 *' The anger of Llannau was ap- 
 peased — the recollection of the parent 
 again rushed on his conscience, and re- 
 presented the sacrifice which Mary was 
 about to make in the strongest possible 
 colours. He hesitated for a moment what 
 to say : — in the mean while, the conflict 
 in his bosom, assisted by the infirmities 
 of his body, overcame him completely — 
 he fell back in his chair in a fit, from the 
 effeets of which he never recovered.
 
 RHYDISEL. 233 
 
 ** 1 shall not detain you by expatiating 
 on the consternation of the Llewelyns at 
 hearing the news of Llannau^s illness, 
 or that of his own family at the sight of 
 it. The next day the old man sent for 
 his son, to tell him he might endeavour 
 to break off the match y and, if Tudor 
 should be unwilling to consent, which he 
 hardly dared venture to doubt, to con- 
 trive some means of uniting her privately 
 
 .^ ^^..^.^^.vj. vviiCiUGing Dy HAyiiig^. 
 
 * When all is done, Tudor will think it 
 unavailing to trouble us or himself, and 
 we can then represent to him the affair in 
 its true colours^' 
 
 " The young man, amazed beyond 
 measure at what he heard, began to 
 question in his own mind the sanity of
 
 234 RHYDISEL. 
 
 his father's : however, as the desire v^'as 
 repeated, he imagined him determined to 
 become the sacrifice himself, rather than 
 be the cause of his daughter's misery, 
 and immediately acquainted Richard and 
 Mary with it. This gave rise to a new 
 contention: — the ycang lady, vying with 
 her father in generosity, appeared now 
 almost as anxious to marry Tudor as 
 she had before been to avoid him: — how- 
 
 r/er, sit the zz::zi cntre?.i!ee of her lever 
 
 and brother, and being assured that old 
 Llewelyn approved the plan, (for he 
 sought only the happiness of his children, 
 and saw no objection, in defrauding Tu- 
 dor of a wife for whom he could feel no 
 violent passion, so great as that of ren- 
 dering both families unhappy by an 
 odious marriage,) she at last consented.
 
 RHYDISEL. 2S.5 
 
 Young Llannau immediately dispatched 
 a servant with a letter to Tudor, hastily 
 written, and to this elTect: — 
 
 " ' Sir, 
 " ' My father I apprehend to be 
 dying ; and my sister, in a state of dis- 
 traction from this as well as other 
 causes, desires you will postpone your 
 visit and nuptials. — If it be possible, think 
 no more of her. — She throws herself on 
 your generosity, by declaring that her af- 
 fections were not her own to give away, 
 and that the consent you obtained from 
 her was in conformity to the commands 
 of a parent whom she did not dare to dis- 
 obey.' 
 
 " Tudor w.^.s preparing for his de-
 
 2^^ 1^HYDIS£L. 
 
 parture at the moment the messenger af- 
 rived with the letter, the perusal of 
 which filled him with the greatest indio-- 
 nation. He looked on the whole as a 
 forgery contrived by some person who 
 had designs on the daughter of Llannau ; 
 and after interrogating the bearer, who 
 was half terrified by his vehemence, and 
 perhaps increased his suspicions, mount- 
 ed his horse, and attended by a single 
 servant setoff for the habitation of liis 
 intended father-in-law. 
 
 *' The distance from the residence of 
 Tudor to that of Llannau was upwards 
 of forty miles, and lay over rocky 
 mountainous roads, with which neither 
 he nor his servant was well acquainted ; 
 and the weather having been for several
 
 RHYDISEL. 237 
 
 days, and still continuing to be, unusually 
 stormy and boisterous, covered them for 
 many miles with clouds. After having 
 wandered about for some time uncertain 
 of their way, they gained the pass of 
 Aberglasslyn just as the evening closed 
 on them ; and, as they emerged from the 
 defile on the sands of Traeth Mawr in 
 their road to Pen Morfa, were accosted 
 by three men armed with cutlasses, who 
 stopped and endeavoured to drag them 
 from their horses. Tudor, with great 
 presence of mind, seized the arm of him 
 who held his bridle, and, snatching the 
 cutlass from him, made an ineffectual 
 blow at his head. One of the robbers 
 instantly blew a whistle, at the sound of 
 which two others sprang up from behind 
 a projecting rock, and fell with fury on
 
 238 RHYDISEL. 
 
 Tudor; who defending himself with the 
 greatest gallantry, and burying his spurs 
 in his horse's sides, fought his way 
 through the gang and rode ofF unhurt. 
 
 " As he was well mounted, the thieves 
 had no chance of retaking him ; where- 
 fore, having ridden to a short distance, 
 he stopped to consider who they could be, 
 and for what purpose they had so attacked 
 him, as well as to meditate a plan for 
 apprehending them and rescuing his ser- 
 vant, whom they had got into their power 
 if they had not already murdered ; — but 
 not a house or inhabitant was in sight, 
 nor did he know of one within several 
 miles. 
 
 " In the midst of his reflections it oc-
 
 RHYDISEU ^39 
 
 ciirred to him, (being still maddened by 
 the remembrance ef the letter he had re- 
 ceived, and the ideas it had inspired,) 
 that these men had been hired to stop 
 him by the person to whom he attri- 
 buted the forgery, and the designs on 
 Llannau's daughter, — that in case the one 
 failed of detaining him at home, he 
 might be secured by the other attempt. 
 
 " Without hesitating a moment, after 
 feeling convinced of the truth of his su- 
 spicions, he left his servant to a fate 
 which he knew it then impossible for 
 himself to prevent, and rode on towards 
 Llannau's house with the utmost speed 
 of which his horse was capable. 
 
 ** In the mean while, the messenger
 
 240 RHYDISEL. 
 
 who had delivered the letter to Tudor, 
 having been alarmed by his passion on 
 reading it, suspected the intentions of 
 that gentleman, and instantly set out on 
 his return. He, being well acquainted 
 with every pass in the mountains, chose 
 the readiest and least circuitous route, 
 and, arriving some time before the other, 
 stated to the son of Llannau the reception 
 he had met with, and concluded by in- 
 forming him that he had seen a person 
 whom he guessed to be Tudor, a mile or 
 two behind him in an elbow of the moun- 
 tains. 
 
 ^' Richard and Madoc were with the 
 son and daughter of Llannau at the time 
 the messenger entered the house. Du- 
 ring his absence, the old man having
 
 RHYDISEL. S41 
 
 again relapsed into tits had become de- 
 lirious, and v/as now as anxious at one 
 minute that Mary should give herself up 
 to Tudor, as at the next that she should 
 elope with Richard. After a pause, oc- 
 casioned by the servant's report, Madoc 
 proposed that they should immediately 
 carry Mary to Brynalian. To this plan 
 young Llannau and Richard consented 
 at once ; and Mary, afraid of encounter- 
 ing Tudor, yet dreading the loss of her 
 character by leaving her father's house 
 in such a night", and in such company^ 
 suffered herself to be carried off by them 
 in a state between life and death -, youno^ 
 Llannau intending, as soon as he had seen 
 his sister safe whither they were taking 
 her, to return and receive Tudor, 
 
 VOL. I. M
 
 242 RHYDISEL. 
 
 " Before they quitted the house, as 
 Mary continued to express her apprehen- 
 sions about the step she was taking, and 
 of her reception at Brynallan, — Richard, 
 to ease her mind, sent on a servant with a 
 note to his father, informing him of the 
 state of their affairs, and of the guest he 
 had to expect, and requesting as a token 
 of his approval, and to convince Mary of 
 his readiness to receive her, that he would 
 order lights to be placed in all the win- 
 dov/s of his house that looked towards 
 that of Llannau. 
 
 " I must stop the thread of my nar- 
 rative here, to tell you that the robbers 
 who had attacked Tudor and his servant 
 were smugglers, whose sloop had been
 
 RHYDISEL, 243 
 
 wrecked on the sands of Traeth Mawr 
 in the heavy gales which had blown, as I 
 mentioned to you. Another sloop which 
 had sailed in company with them, having 
 observed theai wrecked j was still at sea, 
 and waited only moderate weather to 
 bring them oii the land. They however 
 thought it advlieabk to recompense them- 
 gelves for the loss of their cargo, by levy- 
 ing contributions on every one they found 
 on shore, being pretty secure of not 
 meeting with any effectual resistance, and 
 expecting to get av/ay in a few hours." 
 
 M 2
 
 244 RHYDISLL, 
 
 CHAPTER XIL 
 
 CONCLUSION OF THE 3T0RV Ol* 
 
 iA iTLW ELY K a 
 
 '' Tudor," continued Rhydlsel, " ar- 
 rived at the house of Llannau a few mi- 
 nutes after the Llewelyns had %vith the 
 greatest silence and secrecy, as they 
 thought^ conveyed off Mary ; and the first 
 person he saw was an old housekeeper, 
 who had just discovered her loss, wring, 
 ing her hands and crying out, (not know- 
 ing for what reason she had been remov- 
 ed,) ' They have carried away my dear 
 mistress.' ' Where ? Who ?' exclaimed
 
 RHYDISEL. S45 
 
 Tudor. ^ They went this way,' said she, 
 pointing towards Brynallan ; which, as 
 she spoke, burst into flames, and conti- 
 nued blazing with the greatest fury and 
 impetuosity. At this she shrieked aloud, 
 and, alarming the rest of the servants by 
 her cries, caused a scene of uproar and 
 dismay, which served only as a prelude 
 to the horrors that were about to happen. 
 
 *' Every one^ as soon as aware of the 
 conflagration, ran precipitately towards 
 it, without listening to the questions or 
 threats which Tudor (raving about the 
 house) continued applying to them 
 all. He raged, swore, invoked heaven 
 and hell to no purpose^ until he had 
 wrought himself up to the highest pitch; 
 of phrensy 5 — then rusiiirg out of the 
 M 3
 
 246 RHYDISEU 
 
 house, he ran unconsciously towards the 
 centre of general confusion^ 
 
 " It was now about the second hour 
 of morning, and the spirits of the air, 
 with Meresin at their head, still driving 
 before them the exhalations of the west- 
 ern ocean, continued to add fury to the 
 storm that had never ceased, during the 
 night, and to threaten all nature with: 
 the convulsion of its elements.. 
 
 ^^'^ Richard and Madoc, with Mary in 
 their arms, had arrived within a hundred 
 paces of the house when they saw it on 
 fire. ' Their father was then ill with the 
 gout, confined to his room, and incapable 
 of moving. At the first sight, the danger 
 of Llewelyn flashed on the minds of his
 
 RHYDISEL, 247 
 
 sons, who without a moment's delay left 
 Mary, exposed as she was to the incle- 
 mency of the weather^ in the hands of 
 her brother, and ran to the house. They 
 arrived too late ; — every avenue was so 
 occupied by flames and smoke, that no 
 one could enter it ; and the servants, who 
 on the first alarm had thought solely of 
 their own safety and made an expeditious 
 retreat^ now persisted with them in vain 
 and ineirectual attempts to get at the: 
 chamber of the old man.. 
 
 » 
 ^ In the mean while the son of Llan- 
 nau still supported his sister, and endea- 
 voured to inspire her with hope and con- 
 fidence. Tudor, in his madness, came 
 near them : — he heard a voice uttering 
 sounds, among which he distinguished 
 the name of 'Mary' expressed in a tone
 
 24S RHYDISEL, 
 
 of endearment, and curses coupled with 
 his own. While he yet listened, a flash 
 of light from the burning house betrayed 
 them to his view : — the robber's sword 
 was still in his hand; — he sprang on 
 Llannau, and, aiming a thrust at him with 
 it, buried the point in the bosom of Mary. 
 
 " ^ Monster,' exclaimed the son of 
 Llannau, 'inhuman, barbarous fiend, you 
 have murdered my sister 1 ' and as he 
 spoke, grasping the arm of Tudor, who 
 endeavoured to extricate it, he flung him- 
 on the ground, and wresting the sword 
 out of his hand, whilst he kept him there 
 by kneeling on his breast, with repeated, 
 blows stabbed him to the heart. 
 
 " When his enemy ceased to struggle^, 
 he got up, and, thinking that his sister
 
 HHYDISEL. 2^49 
 
 might not be mortally wounded, ran with 
 the bloody sword in his hand to the 
 flames, calling out, 'Murder I — ^Helpl — 
 Richard Llewelyn, — your wife is slain,— 
 come quickly, lest she bleed to death 
 before we can assist her.'— Every one 
 Miuddered at the &i§ht, and avoided hun j 
 his face and garments were covered with 
 blood — his hair stood erect with horror 
 and consternation; and the blaze of 
 Brynallan glaring on his ghastly counte- 
 nance, represented him to the by-stand- 
 ers as the lowest fiend of the abyss — the 
 daemon of death and hell — the merciless 
 Abaddon. His cry struck on the ear of 
 Richard, who with Madoc having applied 
 a ladder to their father's apartment had 
 ascended, and were now seen at the win- 
 dow endeavouring to thrust Llewelyn
 
 250 . RHYDISEL. 
 
 through it, and supplicating some one to 
 receive him on the outer side*' This 
 shocking spectacle banished frcni the 
 mind of Llannau every other considera- 
 tion :— dropping the swordj he ran to 
 their relief, and mounted the ladder in 
 an imtmU followed hf several gtheri 
 who crowded to %mm. in tha mmm ©f 
 thdr friend and master* Llannau was 
 already at the top leaning thrQugh the 
 aperture to get a better hold of himj by 
 this time almost suffocated with the 
 smoke, and incapable of any exertion, 
 when the floor of the room, gave way, 
 and he never quitting his grasp was 
 dragged through the window, and pre- 
 cipitated with Llewelyn into the burning 
 ruins : at the same moment the ladder, 
 bending beneath the weight of so many
 
 RHYDISEL. 251 
 
 persons who were pressing forward to 
 save him as well as the others, broke in 
 two, and fell with them to the grounds 
 
 *^ Madoc, who had sat across the wall 
 at the base of the window, to assist his 
 father's delivery, seeing these fall, made 
 a catch at his brother, who was likewise 
 falling, and held him until he secured 
 himself in the same manner. 
 
 " The fire still continued to rage be- 
 neath them as they sat already dread- 
 fully burnt, and expecting to be smother- 
 ed in the flames every instant. The peo- 
 ple below forming a ring, and joining 
 their hands, called out to them to jump 
 into their arms, — and Madoc was hasten- 
 ing to obey them, — but, in a moment re- 
 collecting his brother, he begged him to
 
 ^52 RHYDISEL. 
 
 save himself, and, seizing hold of him, 
 in a manner compelled him to spring 
 forward. Those below, whose eyes 
 were fixed on the brothers, having caught 
 him without the least accident, set up a 
 shout of joy, in which Madoc, seeing that 
 Richard was safe, participated by waving 
 his arm over his head in a sort of frantic 
 triumph. At the next moment, while 
 they were again forming the ring to catch 
 him also, another part of the building fell 
 in, and produced a tremendous eruption 
 of flames and smoke, by which he was 
 obscured from their view ; and when it 
 cleared away he was no more to be seen. 
 
 " I cannot express to you the state of 
 Richard's mind at this last horrible sight. 
 He was carried away to a neighbouring 
 cottage completely distracted, where his
 
 RHYDISEL. 253 
 
 life and intellects were long despaired of. 
 However, he is now, at times, awake to 
 a sense of his misery, and feels (unhappy 
 youth!) that he is the innocent cause of 
 all this fatal tragedy. The beacon of as- 
 surance which he requested might be set 
 up for Mary was the torch that lighted 
 the funeral pile of his father — of his 
 friend Llannau, who died in attempting 
 to preserve him — and of the gallant Ma- 
 doc, who sacrificed his Ufe to his bro- 
 ther's safety. The recollection of Mary 
 and the unfortunate Tudor, who fell, the 
 one a victim for him — the other to his 
 o\vn impetuosity, (to authorize and en- 
 courage which so many untoward events 
 concurred,) now presses heavy on his 
 mind, and often animates him to phrensy :• 
 and, as if the measure of his woes was 
 not full, he has learnt lately the death of 
 
 VOL. I. N
 
 254 RHYDISEL. 
 
 old Llannau, whose intellects sufficed 
 only to understand the wretched fate of 
 his children, 
 
 ^' Richard Llewelyn is the last of his 
 family and friends, the wretched sur- 
 vivor of a scene of ruin, death, and hor^ 
 ror 'y which would have been prevented 
 by an earlier declaration of his passion 
 for Mary, and probably if she had with- 
 held that one fatal confession of her love 
 of him. He travels with the curate of 
 his native village, who has the charge of 
 him since his occasional insanity, and 
 has brought him here to settle his own 
 and his brother's accounts m the univer- 
 sity. The day he spends in a kind of 
 melancholy stupor ; and, when all others 
 are retired from observation and inter- 
 ruption, in the silence of night he resigns
 
 RHYDISEL. 255 
 
 himself to the bitterness of his grief, and 
 submits to the dominion of his agonized 
 feelings. 
 
 *' To return to the scene of desola- 
 tion," continued the devil, ^' I shall tell 
 you in few words the conclusion of 
 their fate, whose untimely death he is 
 now bewailing. About the dawn of day, 
 the fire, having consumed every thing 
 that would burn,, subsided of itself, and 
 permitted the villagers to search amid the 
 ruins for the mangled bodies of the suf- 
 ferers* To this end the curate of the 
 parish contributed greatly j and having 
 rescued them from their unhallowed 
 abode, and collected their remains with 
 the most charitable care, he has buried 
 them, together with Tudor and Mary, in 
 a vault of his chapel, and placed over
 
 256 RHYDISEL. 
 
 them a stone, which, relating in few 
 simple lines their names, and the date 
 of their deaths, concludes with these 
 words : 
 
 ** * Of what avail could be either epitaph 
 or elegy? They cannot express sufHcent- 
 ly one idea that is inspired by the bare men- 
 tion of a catastrophe, a tremendous visita- 
 tion, whose memory can never be effaced 
 from the minds of those who were wit- 
 nesses to it, and who will not fail to deliver 
 it to their posterity with every accumu- 
 lated sentiment of pity and affection ! "' 
 
 END OF THE FIRST VOLUME, 
 
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