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 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 A NOVEL. 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF 
 
 HAJJI BABA," "ZOHRAB THE HOSTAGE," 
 "AYESHA," &c. 
 
 And if I have done well as is fitting the story, it is that which I 
 desired ; but if slenderly and meanly, it is that which I could attain 
 
 unto. APOCRYPHA. 
 
 IN THREE VOLUMES. 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 UICHARD BENTLEY, NEW BURLINGTON STREET. 
 1837.
 
 ^-^ 
 
 4 
 
 ^ 
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 ^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 -t 
 
 It is well known in the economy of the 
 poultry-yard, that when a hen is sitting, a 
 strange egg is sometimes introduced into the 
 nest, and thus a bird of a different species is 
 brought to life with her own brood. It is so 
 with this Work. My strange egg will be 
 found in the Second Chapter of the Third 
 Volume, but only half hatched, because 1 
 leave it to others to bring to maturity. 
 
 An antiquarian subject, tending to illustrate 
 sacred matters, it may be said, has no busi- 
 ness in the pages of a novel; but I answer to 
 such a remark, that its fitness depends upon 
 the mode of introducing it ; and I hope it 
 may be found that the method adopted is not 
 wholly objectionable ; since at one and the 
 
 aS
 
 VI ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 same time it serves to illustrate the character 
 of one of the most important personages of 
 the tale, and opens the discussion of an in- 
 teresting question. I had often thought of 
 bringing the subject to notice in some sepa- 
 rate form ; but, all things considered, I think 
 it is just as likely to attract attention when 
 introduced in this manner as in the pages of 
 some literary journal or antiquarian miscel- 
 lany. This hint, however, I hope, will be 
 sufficient to those of my readers who read only 
 for the sake of amusement, to warn them of the 
 existence of such a subject ; whilst it may, 
 perhaps, induce those grave and learned per- 
 sons who hold all fiction as trash, to relax 
 their dignity and admit "Abel Allnutt" to 
 the honour of a place on their table. 
 
 The Author. 
 
 London, 
 Februarj/, 1837.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 So7ne account of the Family of Allnutt. 
 
 In a remote part of one of the western coun- 
 ties of England, thickly surrounded by trees, 
 overgrown with ivy, and secluded from the 
 public gaze, was situated an ancient, small red- 
 brick house, that was often compared to the 
 face of an old lady, peeping through the close 
 frills and ribands of her cap, looking snug, 
 neat, and cheerful. From a back study, about 
 ten o'clock one fine summer's morning was 
 heard to issue the sounds of a German flute, 
 which, although both door and windows were 
 closed, would find its way to the ears of the 
 inmates, and occasion exclamations of either 
 
 VOL. I. B
 
 » ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 disapproval or the contrary, according as their 
 nerves might or might not be affected. The 
 individual who played the flute was a short, 
 faded-looking man, about thirty-five years of 
 age, whom we beg leave to introduce to our 
 readers as the Abel Allnutt of our title-page. 
 A peculiar benignity of aspect was the only 
 charm that adorned his person ; for his face 
 was pale, his teeth indifferent, his hair scanty, 
 and there was an awkward simplicity in his 
 manner which indicated that he had mixed but 
 little with the world. He had been sickly from 
 his youth upward, and it was owing to the 
 great care his sisters had taken of him (for they 
 had lost their parents when he was still of an 
 early age) that he escaped the unrelenting per- 
 secutions of consumption. They had combated 
 with all their might his excessive love of the 
 flute, and this had been almost the sole cause 
 of dissension between them during the many 
 years which they had passed together under 
 the same roof. 
 
 As he was blowing his way successfully 
 through one of the most difficult of Mozart's
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 3 
 
 solos, suddenly the door of his study opened, 
 and his eldest sister. Aunt Bab, as she was 
 usually called, appeared, holding the door- 
 handle with one hand and resting her arm upon 
 the door-post with the other. She was many 
 years older than her brother, and was a matter- 
 of-fact-looking person, who enjoyed the prin- 
 cipal management of the house, and whose 
 decision on all matters which concerned the fa- 
 mily generally was conclusive. Her eyes were 
 light though piercing, her hair inclined to red 
 and now thinly streaked with grey, and in her 
 whole manner and demeanour there was that 
 life and bustle which denoted a notable and 
 intelligent woman, — for, be it said, a lack of 
 comeliness is the parent of many virtues. 
 
 " How can you go on in this manner?" she 
 said to her brother with an expression that 
 might have passed for anger and reproof; " it 
 is too bad, when you know that it was but yes- 
 terday you had that alarming fit of coughing." 
 
 " My dear Barbara," said her brother in the 
 most placid tone and without showing a symp- 
 tom of ill humour, " I will just get through 
 
 b2
 
 4- ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 this solo, and then I promise to lay by my 
 flute. I would not have taken it up this morn- 
 ing but that I dreamt of this difficult passage 
 all the night through, and by shutting my door 
 and windows I thought that I should not have 
 been heard." 
 
 " You are mistaken though," she said : " I 
 will never let you alone so long as you have 
 dealings with that horrid instrument ; and when 
 you know that it may be the death of you any 
 day, and leave me and my sister without your 
 protection, it is really too bad — and what 's 
 more, very selfish." 
 
 " Well, then, I'll play no more,'' said Abel 
 with the greatest good-nature ; and so saying, he 
 unscrewed his flute, placed it in its case and 
 shut up his music-book. " There — will that do 
 for you ?" 
 
 " That's a good man!" said his sister. " But 
 what I wanted to speak to you about was our 
 dinner to-day, — you know this is John's last 
 day, therefore what shall we have ? — he will be 
 here at five with Mary."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. O 
 
 " What shall we have?" said Abel, slowly 
 turning his thoughts from seraphic Mozart to 
 vulgar pudding ; " why, what does John like 
 best ?'' he inquired. 
 
 " I think he likes most things,'' replied his 
 sister, becoming thoughtful at the question. 
 Hence ensued a pause, followed by one of 
 those discussions upon the important subject of 
 dinner so apt to puzzle even the wisest heads, 
 and which in this instance ended in that never- 
 failing compromise, that universal point of agree- 
 ment in English taste, viz. a leg of mutton. 
 
 " If that be the case," said Bab, winding 
 up the argument, " let us give him a leg of 
 mutton at once."" 
 
 " Very well," said Uncle Abel, rubbing his 
 hands as if he had settled a great question ; 
 " let us give him a roasted leg of mutton.'' 
 
 " Done !" said his sister ; " we'll have it." 
 
 " But what does Mary like.?" added Abel; 
 " poor Mary must have what she likes — we 
 must not forget that dearest girl." 
 
 " Girls of her age," said Aunt Bab, " don't
 
 b ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 care much what they eat : poor thing, I fear 
 she won't have much appetite, now that she is 
 about to lose her father for such an uncertain 
 length of time. But I will take proper care 
 of her : — she shall not be starved, I promise 
 you — we shall be able to make out a very 
 good dinner, and John will go away happy." 
 
 " Poor dear John!" exclaimed Abel; " would 
 that he could always secure so good a dinner ! 
 I fear that, considering the life he is about 
 to lead, he will be often obliged to rough it 
 upon much more indifferent food." 
 
 Thus much having been settled, Aunt Bab 
 went her way to make the necessary prepara- 
 tions. The reader must be told that the occa- 
 sion of this dinner teemed with consequences of 
 great import to the family of which I have 
 hitherto afforded but a glimpse; and as it 
 will be impossible for him to proceed with- 
 out some knowledge of its history, I beg leave 
 to submit the following short account to his 
 notice. 
 
 The family of Allnutt, for such was the name, 
 claimed an ancient descent, and had been allied
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 1 
 
 to many noble families. Its actual chief was 
 the Earl of Knutsford, a proud nobleman, who 
 enjoyed great political influence. He was a dis- 
 tant relation to the individuals already men- 
 tioned ; and it was a received truth, that if certain 
 events should happen and certain persons should 
 die, the title and estates would fall to the lot of 
 the family now under consideration. Mr. All- 
 nutt, father to Abel, had been a country gentle- 
 man of about two thousand pounds a year ; he 
 married a lady of no importance in point of fa- 
 mily, but of great excellence of character. They 
 had had a family of four children, two daugh- 
 ters and two sons. Barbara, the eldest, whose 
 name had gradually run through a scale of di- 
 minutives until it had stopped at Bab, was some 
 years older than the others. The second child 
 was John, the third Fanny, and the youngest 
 Abel, he being about twenty years younger than 
 his eldest sister. They became orphans when 
 Barbara was about thirty years of age, and 
 consequently the duties of managing the family 
 had devolved upon her — duties to which she was 
 quite equal. Owing to the active and bustling
 
 8 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 turn of her character, she had secured so great 
 a share of influence that the others submitted 
 almost implicitly to her guidance. 
 
 Although the Earl was scarcely aware of the 
 existence of this branch of his family, and if he 
 were, would perhaps not have recognised any 
 of its individuals as belonging to himself, the 
 father, Mr. Allnutt, prided himself much upon 
 his ancestors, whose names he asserted were to 
 be found in Doomsday Book, and never ceased 
 hinting the possibility of one day himself enjoy- 
 ing some of its hereditary dignities. He had 
 lived in a handsome old mansion ; and although 
 his fortune was small, yet he could not resist the 
 vanity of making an elder son of John, upon 
 whom he settled his house and estate, leaving 
 to his three other children five hundred pounds 
 per annum between them — that is, one hundred 
 pounds a year to each daughter, and three hun- 
 dred to Abel. 
 
 John at an early age had shown such a turn 
 for science, and as he grew up became so con- 
 spicuous for the enterprize and boldness of his 
 character, that his father easily acceded to his
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 9 
 
 wishes of placing him in the army. He entered 
 the engineer service, and in the course of time 
 became a distinguished officer, serving with 
 great credit in the war of the Peninsula, by 
 which he gained as rapid promotion as could 
 be acquired in that branch of the service. At 
 the peace he returned home as Major Allnutt. 
 So long as he was employed by others, with 
 the responsibilities of his profession hanging 
 over him, his conduct was distinguished by 
 prudence and sagacity ; but no sooner was he his 
 own master, than he became the plaything of 
 his own schemes, and the ready instrument of 
 every schemer. He was one of those vision- 
 aries who conceive they can stride into affluence 
 by a single step, and by one bright thought 
 gain an eminence which others only attain by 
 years of intense study. His quickness in the 
 field of battle, which had gained for him many 
 a bright laurel, made him conclude that he 
 might be equally successful in the arts of peace, 
 and he rushed with the same ardour upon what 
 he thought was an indisputable invention as 
 he did upon an unguarded point of the enemy's 
 
 b5
 
 10 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 line. He wrote unanswerable pamphlets which 
 were never read, for which he never got more 
 than the warm thanks of those to whom he pre- 
 sented them, backed by the bill of costs of his 
 publisher. He invented a ship that was never 
 to sink, in which he embarked half his fortune, 
 and just escaped with his life as he was exhibit- 
 ing her capabilities to an astonished crowd of 
 patrons and spectators. He then consoled him- 
 self by endeavouring to convert young town- 
 thieves into honest yeomen ; in which having 
 failed without taking warning of experience, he 
 devised a scheme for rearing salt-water fish in 
 fresh water, hoping to supply the town with cod 
 and turbot to the discomfiture of Billingsgate, 
 and in the success of which he was about ex- 
 ulting, when, as the Armenian said of his horse, 
 he exclaimed, " had they lived but another day, 
 his experiment would have been complete." In 
 these and such like pursuits, at the end of a 
 few years, he found his fortune so considerably 
 diminished, if not entirely dissipated, that he 
 was obliged to turn his views to some more cer- 
 tain mode of acquiring a fortune. It was about
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 11 
 
 this time that England began to run mad upon 
 the subject of the emancipation of the Spanish 
 colonies from the mother country, upon loans 
 to the new republics, and particularly upon 
 mines and mining companies. An universal 
 fever of generous patriotism raged throughout 
 the country in their favour. One of our great- 
 est statesmen had called them into existence. 
 Patriotism begat the rage of lending money, 
 lending money begat a desire of large interest, 
 and with an increase of interest all the world 
 seemed at once to have gained a short cut 
 to unlooked-for affluence. John AUnutt was 
 seized with the raging mania in its worst 
 form. He ran about like one demented ; 
 wrote pamphlets full of tables, calculations, 
 and predictions ; talked of the flood of wealth 
 which was about to visit the world with the 
 same certainty as a certain class of enthusi- 
 asts now announce its end, and rendered himself 
 so conspicuous by the zeal of his extravagant 
 hopes, that one of the principal Mexico mining 
 companies was too happy to secure him as the 
 director of their concerns.
 
 12 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 At the moment of this our history he was ex- 
 pected to arrive at the home of his brother and 
 sisters, accompanied by his daughter, on his 
 road to join the ship that was to take him to 
 Mexico. It must be told that he had married 
 early in life a beautiful young person, who had 
 left him a widower after a few years had elapsed , 
 in the possession of this only child. Mary AU- 
 nutt was now about seventeen years of age. Her 
 beauty was so perfect, that it would be difficult 
 to say which feature excited the most ad- 
 miration. There was great delicacy, accompa- 
 nied by a brilliant appearance of health ; grace 
 shone in all the movements of her person, which 
 was veiled by such retiring modesty, that 
 the awe it produced discouraged impertinent 
 glances ; whilst in her lovely face there beamed 
 so much goodness and intelligence, that the mo- 
 ment it was seen the beholder was impelled by a 
 wish to acquire her friendship and approbation. 
 She felt all the value of a father at a time that she 
 was called upon to make a sacrifice of that pos- 
 session. She loved him with warmth and even 
 enthusiasm, for she also partook of the ardour
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. IS 
 
 of his character ; and it was only the hope of 
 seeing him restored to her in a short time, which 
 prevented her from insisting upon accompanying 
 him in his present expedition. It was settled 
 that she was to live with her uncle and aunts in 
 the country during his absence ; and as she loved 
 them almost with the same devotion that she did 
 her father, she composed her mind into some- 
 thing like philosophical submission at the loss 
 which she was about to sustain.
 
 14 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 The character and pursuits of the family are gradually 
 developed hy a variety of minute circumstances. 
 
 The inmates of Ivycote (for that was the 
 name of their cottage) were almost bursting 
 with impatience for the moment of seeing 
 their brother and niece during the long day 
 on which they were expected. Abel had done 
 little else than walk down the lane which led 
 from the house to the high road to endeavour 
 to catch the first glimpse of their approach ; — 
 the active Barbara, laying aside the usual 
 routine of her occupations, as multifarious as 
 those of a secretary of state, had walked from 
 the kitchen to the dining-parlour, and from the 
 parlour to the kitchen, inspecting, first, the
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 15 
 
 various concoctions which were in progress in 
 the one, and then overlooking the arrangements 
 which were making in the other, and ever and 
 anon exhibiting her head at the house-door, 
 until she became weary with anticipation; — 
 whilst Fanny, whom we have still to present to 
 our readers, remained in a listless state of ex- 
 pectation, seated, with her hands across, in the 
 minute apartment called the drawing-room. 
 Abel and his sisters were usually called uncle 
 and aunts, in compliment to their only niece, 
 whom they worshipped with almost divine ho- 
 nours ; and as it was a title of which at least 
 Barbara and Abel were proud, we will occa- 
 sionally continue so to call them. But Fanny, 
 who was still at an age when an amitdom is not 
 quite a desirable appointment, rather endured 
 than approved of that too frequent reminder 
 of the lapse of time. She was loitering on the 
 neutral ground which lies between undisputed 
 youtli and more debatable middle age — at least 
 such was her view of her case. In the minds 
 of those who would not allow poetry to usurp
 
 16 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 the place of matter-of-fact, she was settled down 
 into a bonajide old maid ; but in her own view 
 of the matter the case was quite different — she 
 adhered to youth with unflinching constancy, 
 and blinked the question of age as the man 
 deeply in debt avoids the sight of his banker's 
 book. In her disposition she was as much a 
 prey to apathy and indolence as her sister was 
 active and stirring. It was only when some 
 new individual in the form of man presented 
 himself that her energies were roused, and 
 straightway the powers of both her mind and 
 body were brought into vigorous action — from 
 being an habitual dawdler she then became an 
 active fidget. Her taciturnity would then give 
 way to much talking, her eyes would be armed 
 with long-practised artillery, and all the graces 
 of attitude would be summoned up to aid the 
 levte en masse of all her forces. Withal, in the 
 main she was amiably disposed — prone to cha- 
 rity, and always ready to produce pincushions 
 and workbags whenever some mighty neigh- 
 bour projected a fancy bazaar, accompanied by 
 a ball, for the benefit of the poor.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 17 
 
 She was seated at her little work-table net- 
 ting a purse and quietly waiting the tide of 
 events, when the sharp and piercing voice of 
 her sister was heard calling to her from the 
 other side of the house. 
 
 " Fanny," she cried, " do you know whether 
 John sleeps on feather-bed or mattress?" 
 
 Fanny listlessly turned her ear to the sound 
 and said, " What?" 
 
 Again the question was repeated ; when Fanny, 
 urging her soft voice to the highest pitch, ex- 
 claimed, " I don'*t know — I never know what 
 any one sleeps upon." 
 
 Aunt Bab then thought it right to follow up 
 her question by appearing herself ; when a long 
 and anxious discussion took place between the 
 two sisters about John's general habits, his 
 mode and manner of sleep — whether he was 
 chilly or the contrary — whether he required 
 much or little covering, two or more pillows, 
 and whether he was accustomed to some- 
 thing warm when he went to bed. Much uncer- 
 tainty and doubt existing upon these topics, 
 they called in to their councils an old woman
 
 18 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 who had been a servant in the family from her 
 childhood, who was better acquainted with 
 John's habits than any one else. 
 
 " La ! Miss Barbara,'' exclaimed old Betty, 
 when the question concerning the mattress and 
 feather-bed was put to her ; " I recollect as 
 well as though it were yesterday, that just 
 before Master John went to the wars, he slept 
 in the back attic that's over Miss Mary's 
 room, — she was quite a little thing then, — and 
 once in the middle of the night, she ran in to 
 me in a mortal fright, poor thing ! saying, she 
 was sure some monster or great beast must be 
 sleeping over her head, for she heard it growl 
 quite plain ; — and sure enough, as sure as I'm 
 alive, I went with the dear creature into her 
 room and heard an awful noise sounding 
 through the deal-boards. I was afraid some- 
 thing was wrong with Master John, and so, 
 thinks I, 1*11 steal up to his room and see what 
 is the matter. I then gently opened the door, 
 and what d'ye think I saw ? Why, there was 
 Master John wrapt up in his great military 
 cloak, with his portmantel under his head, fast
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 19 
 
 asleep on the bare boards alongside of his own 
 bed, which remained untouched, just as I had 
 made it up in the morning. After that, Miss 
 Barbara, I don't think we need much mind 
 which be uppermost, the mattress or the feather- 
 bed ; — Master John would sleep sound on the 
 top of the kitchen dresser — that's what he 
 would." 
 
 " What could he be doing that for, Betty ?'' 
 said Fanny. 
 
 " Why, Miss, I taxed him with it the next 
 morning, and, bless his face — I see it now — says 
 he to me, * Betty,' says he, ' I'm now a real sol- 
 dier, and soldiers must be hardy : it won't do 
 for me to be sleeping on a bed when the bare 
 ground will do as well.' I remember it as 
 though it were yesterday." 
 
 " That is so like John !" exclaimed Bab ; 
 " he never does a thing like anybody else." 
 
 " He was always a strange boy," re-echoed 
 old Betty ; " and that's the truth on't." 
 
 Not long after this conversation had taken 
 place, when the patience of the whole house 
 was nearly exhausted in expectation, the sound
 
 ^ ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 of wheels was heard in the lane, and as they 
 approached the house it was ascertained that 
 the post-chaise was in sight, and soon after 
 it stopped at the door. Abel rushed out to 
 greet his brother, followed by his sisters, backed 
 by Betty and the old man-servant ; and by 
 the time the vehicle had come to the end of its 
 career, every living thing within the house was 
 present. John leapt out of the chaise first, and 
 was followed by his daughter. Seldom does 
 one see a family-greeting so full of feeling and 
 affection as that which took place on this 
 occasion. Kissing and embracing, and other 
 palpable demonstrations, are not so frequent 
 in our frigid latitudes as among more south- 
 ern nations ; but with a set of simple and 
 warm-hearted country folks who had scarcely 
 ever stirred from their village, such a show 
 of feeling may be allowed as quite natural, 
 and it actually took place. John Allnutt 
 was a handsome, animated looking man, who, 
 although now in the zenith of middle age, 
 had the buoyant spirits of a schoolboy. He 
 kissed and embraced everything that came in
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 2\ 
 
 his way, even to old Betty, who, drawing up with 
 a smile on her face, wiped her lips with due gra- 
 titude for (to her) so rare a mode of salutation. 
 
 The interchange of all the proper inquiries 
 and exclamatory greetings having taken place, 
 the family commenced a short course of compa- 
 rative anatomy upon each other''s persons. Bab 
 found John grown fat, Fanny thought him thin ; 
 Abel said Mary had grown tall, Mary asserted 
 that Abel was grown young ; John found Bab 
 blooming, and then fell to admiring Fanny's 
 hair ; whilst Abel, still keeping his eyes upon 
 his niece, patted her cheek and would have said 
 she was beautiful, but he checked his too enthu- 
 siastic admiration, fearing to make her vain. 
 Bab and Fanny then began their scrutiny upon 
 Mary, and criticised every inch of her growth 
 as if they had been cheated out of it by her ab- 
 sence, and then asked John what he thought of 
 her. The affectionate father, casting his pa- 
 rental eyes on the charms of his daughter, 
 whilst tears sprung into their channels, said 
 with an overflowing heart, " She is a dear good 
 girl, that's what I think of her," and then
 
 22 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 kissed her cheek and forehead with all the rap- 
 ture of a kind and endearing nature. During 
 this scene in which the family were settling their 
 different disks, old Betty stood at a distance 
 Avith her apron in one hand and the other up- 
 lifted, looking, and smirking, and exclaiming, 
 "Well, who would have thought it !" and "dear 
 me !" and " well-a-day !" when being kindly 
 noticed both by John and his daughter, she de- 
 parted to evaporate her wonderments and ejacu- 
 lations to her companions in the kitchen. 
 
 When the palpitations of first meeting had 
 somewhat subsided. Aunt Bab would have hur- 
 ried her brother and his daughter to their 
 rooms, to throw off the dust of the road, so 
 anxious was she to exhibit to them the prepara- 
 tions she had made for their comfort ; but John 
 was so full of his scjaemes, that he could not be 
 prevented from a fit of explosion. Little heed- 
 ing the seclusion in which his sisters and bro- 
 ther lived, and their consequent ignorance of 
 what was doing in either the political or com- 
 mercial world, he exclaimed with exultation in 
 his accent.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 23 
 
 " Well, Abel, have you heard the news ? 
 Capital news to be sure !" 
 
 " What news ?" exclaimed Abel, Bab, and 
 Fanny with one voice. 
 
 " Famous news ! I can tell you,*" said John. 
 
 " Oh, such news !" re-echoed the gentle Mary 
 in a subdued voice. 
 
 " What is it, pray ?" said the others. 
 
 " Why, they have positively found silver in 
 the Coffer," said John with great satisfaction in 
 his manner. 
 
 " Have they ?" said Abel—" Have they .?" 
 said Bab — "Have they ?"" said Fanny, all 
 in the various tones of persons who are 
 puzzled. 
 
 " They have indeed," said John, little mind- 
 ing the ignorance of his auditors ; " and what''s 
 more, we are to have it." 
 
 " Shall we indeed !" exclaimed Bab, as if she 
 now understood perfectly what was meant. 
 " Well, that will be nice !" 
 
 " This news of the silver luckily just reached 
 before I left London," said John, " and the di- 
 rectors are full of it."
 
 24- ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Why, I thought we were to have it," said 
 Bab. 
 
 " Have what ?" said John. 
 
 "• The silver, to be sure," said Bab. " Did not 
 you think so, Abel .^" said she, turning to him. 
 
 " To say the truth," said Abel, " I know not 
 what to think. John says that silver has been 
 found in the coffer, and that we are to have it ; 
 but which coffer he means, he has still to tell us." 
 " Papa, you said nothing about Perote, 
 that's true," said Mary, smiling, and amazingly 
 amused at the mistake in which her uncle and 
 aunts had fallen : " 'tis the Coffer of Perote that 
 papa means." 
 
 " Who may Perote be," inquired Aunt 
 Fanny with animation : " Is he anything to 
 
 us r 
 
 " No, no, my dear," said John, with a good- 
 natured smile, as if he was recovering from a 
 dream ; " you have mistaken me, or perhaps 
 you don't know. Perote is not a man — it's a 
 mountain — it is a high mountain standing con- 
 spicuous in the chain which skirts the Mexican 
 coast, and is distinguished by a large square
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 25 
 
 rock on its very summit, which the Spaniards 
 have assimilated to a trunk or coffer, and thus 
 have assigned this name to it. The mining 
 company have heard that a mine has been dis- 
 covered close at hand, of which they have ac- 
 quired possession ; and as it is situated in a 
 healthy climate, and much nearer to the sea 
 than the one to which I was about originally 
 to proceed, this circumstance became to me a 
 matter of joy and congratulation." 
 
 " And much greater to me," said the gentle 
 Mary, taking her father's hand ; " for then you 
 will be so much nearer us, and we shall so easily 
 hear from you." 
 
 " Oh, is that all r said Abel, Bab, and 
 Fanny. 
 
 " But, John," said Bab with great earnestness, 
 " you have never told us to this day what you are 
 going to do at this Mexico you talk so much 
 about. All the people here say that engineer offi- 
 cers know more about mines than anybody else, 
 and that when a mine is to be blown up they do 
 it. But then, I say, if you blow up the mine, 
 what becomes of the silver and gold inside .^" 
 
 VOL. I. c
 
 26 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " It 's very true," said John, " it 's very true 
 that the business of an engineer comprises the 
 knowledge of mining ; but that applies to forti- 
 fications and walled cities — he there undermines 
 and there blows up. But the mining I am to 
 undertake is a totally different thing — I am to 
 dig into the bowels of the earth for the precious 
 metals, and get as much silver and gold as I 
 can out of them." 
 
 " Oh," said Bab in a lengthened note, " now 
 I understand. It is time for you to be making 
 money, after having lost so much. Will it be 
 long before you get some ?" 
 
 " The time is uncertain, but the result is cer- 
 tain," said John with great confidence. " What 
 has been done before will be done again. 
 Why, Bab," said he, taking both her hands 
 into his, and looking at her straight in the face, 
 "do you know that in 1825, Guadalajara 
 coined 676,073 pesos; Durango, 800,000 ; Za- 
 catecas, 3,000,000. In 1810, Guanajato pro- 
 duced 500,000 marcs of silver, and 1500 marcs 
 of gold ; Veta Grande, 100,000 ; and Catorce, 
 600,000 pesos. — There — what do you say to
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 27 
 
 that ? and that with nialacaties only, and with- 
 out the aid of a single steam-engine !" 
 
 Bab, confounded by such a descent of hard 
 names and round numbers upon her rustic 
 mind, could scarcely breathe from astonish- 
 ment, and drawing up a long " Indeed!" from 
 her inmost throat, stood staring, uncertain at 
 the meaning of this display of knowledge. 
 
 " Are all those gentlemen with long names, 
 coiners ?" inquired Fanny. 
 
 " No — they are the places where the ore 
 is found,'' said John ; " and I flatter myself 
 that when I get up our steam-engine with 
 my improvements, I shall raise double the 
 quantity.'' 
 
 " Well," said Bab, " whatever it may be, I 
 shall be quite satisfied even with what it was 
 before." 
 
 " And what may a malacati be?" inquired 
 Abel. 
 
 " Oh," said Mary, who seemed to be well 
 informed upon every subject which interested 
 her father, " a malacati is a large leathern bag 
 which descends to the bottom of the mine, and 
 
 c2
 
 2S ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 being filled, is drawn up to the surface by 
 means of a large wheel worked by horses, — is 
 it not so, papa ?" 
 
 " Why, you would be as fit to be a director 
 of a mining company as I am," said her father : 
 " I think I must take you with me to help 
 me. 
 
 " Do, do, my dear papa !" exclaimed Mary 
 with joy and animation shining in her express- 
 ive features; " let me go with you, — I would 
 give worlds to go with you !"" 
 
 Upon the^e words her uncle Abel and her 
 aunts assumed the most serious gravity of aspect, 
 and the first, addressing his brother, said, 
 " John, you really are not serious in saying 
 this — are you ? " 
 
 " John," argued Bab, " would you really 
 sacrifice your daughter to the fury of naked 
 savages, and let her live in the woods upon 
 roots and hips and haws, without a rag to her 
 back, only because she is conversant with the 
 name of an outlandish bag ? "" 
 
 " No, no," said John, — " no, my dears, you 
 utterly mistake me — I am only joking ; I would
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 29. 
 
 not allow Mary to run any risk whatever, were I 
 to become as rich as the Conde de Regla himself. 
 She shall stay quietly with you until my re- 
 turn : there is only one agreement which I 
 wish to make, and which you must all swear 
 to ; which is, that she shall not marry, except it 
 be upon most unexceptionable grounds, until 
 my return. She has promised me as much, 
 and I require the same at your hands." 
 
 " Marry, indeed ! " exclaimed Fanny ; " and 
 who is to marry her, I should like to know ? 
 There is not a creature within fifty miles of us 
 likely to marry her."" 
 
 "Who knows?" said John; "husbands, 
 they say, come down the chimney." ■ 
 
 " I am sure none has ever come down our 
 chimney," said Fanny with doleful significancy 
 in her accent and manner. 
 
 " Well, John, we promise,"' said Aunt Bab, 
 " we will watch over your treasure with the 
 same care that you would if you were here 
 yourself." 
 
 "Yes," said Abel, " trust to me; and what's 
 more, trust to her," patting his niece's cheek at
 
 30 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 the same time : " she will never deceive any 
 one, that I will willingly take my oath of." 
 
 With these words they dispersed, only to 
 return to dinner, of which they stood much in 
 need.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 31 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Showing the excellence of that saying, " Let well alone '^ 
 
 The little oak parlour was snug ; the sun 
 gleamed across the landscape, and the table, 
 with its clean white cloth and glittering accom- 
 paniments, spoke volumes for the perfection 
 of Aunt Bab's housewifery. John came in 
 rubbing his hands rejoicing, accompanied by 
 his blooming daughter, whose young blood 
 flowed briskly through her veins as she contem- 
 plated the comforts before her, and looked on 
 the kind faces by whom she was surrounded. 
 Old Betty, with clean cap and apron, brought 
 in the dinner ; whilst the old man-servant, 
 honest Brown, as he was called, who acted as 
 butler, valet, groom, and gardener, waited at 
 table. When they were all seated, and Aunt
 
 32 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Bab's fidgets had somewhat abated, after her 
 anxious countenance had duly conned the ar- 
 ray and circumstance of every dish, and when 
 the first calls of hunger were allayed, the ar- 
 dent John merrily pouring himself out a glass 
 of wine, exclaimed, looking round him at the 
 same time, " My dears, here is health and pros- 
 perity to us all ! And now I will tell you of a 
 glorious scheme which I have in my head for 
 you, which will at one blow make you richer at 
 least one-third than you are at present." 
 
 Aunt Bab, who had been intent upon carving 
 the leg of mutton, was the first to exclaim, 
 "John, what do you mean ? How can you ma- 
 nage that ? " 
 
 " Ah !" exclaimed Mary, looking very arch, 
 " I know how — don't I, papa ?'' 
 
 "You'll be a conjuror indeed," said Abel, 
 " if you can do that." 
 
 " Now hearken," said John ; " the thing is 
 as easily done as transferring ourselves from 
 this parlour to the next room. You have been 
 hitherto satisfied with drawing a small re- 
 venue from your three per cents. — now you
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 33 
 
 shall enjoy six per cent, at once, with much 
 better security for your money." 
 
 " Well, I declare !" said Bab, opening her 
 eyes, and smiling with delight as she eyed 
 John, in whom she had always placed implicit 
 confidence — " well, that will be a capital hit ! 
 I can scarcely believe it notwithstanding, al- 
 though I am sure you would never deceive us, 
 John." 
 
 " Deceive you !'" said John very gravely. 
 " The thing is as clear as noonday. Nobody 
 thinks now-a-days of drudging on with the 
 small interest derived from the public funds. 
 In this remote corner of the country you can 
 know nothing of what is going on in the world. 
 Here have continents been opening, new govern- 
 ments forming, new sources of trade expanding, 
 the energies of man developed, fresh life and 
 vigour infused into the whole scheme of our 
 existence ; and here you are sitting quiet and 
 unconscious in your cottage, without a single 
 thought beyond the interests of the' neighbour- 
 ing village, as if you belonged to another 
 planet !" 
 
 c 5
 
 34 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Well, who would have thought it !" ex- 
 claimed Aunt Barbara; and turning to Abel, 
 she said, " Abel, did you ever hear of all this ? 
 — Here has all this been going on, and we 
 know as little of it as the babes unborn !" 
 
 *' How can we know what is going on,'* said 
 Abel drily, " when we never move from this 
 place ? — Well, John, tell us your scheme." 
 
 " My scheme is this," said John. " You 
 must send an order to your bankers in London 
 to sell your stock out of the Three per Cents, and 
 to buy in Mexican stock. By that single ope- 
 ration you will, I dare say, get at least another 
 two hundred a-year to yourselves." 
 
 " Shall we indeed !" said Bab, laying down 
 her knife and fork. " Let us do it, Abel, at 
 once." 
 
 " Abel," said Fanny, " let us do it to-mor- 
 row." 
 
 " I am ready to do what you like," said 
 Abel ; " but " 
 
 " There is no but in the case," said Bab : 
 " John says it, and therefore it must be right. 
 What possible objection can you have ?"
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 35 
 
 " You can have none," said Fanny, whose 
 imagination had now fully seized all the advan- 
 tages likely to accrue from this increase of 
 revenue. *'But how shall we get at the bank- 
 ers ? — they are generally agreeable men, and 
 sometimes handsome." 
 
 " That is easily done," said John. Then 
 turning to Abel, he said, " Pray let me hear 
 your objection, Abel, if you have any. There 
 is nothing like a free discussion, particularly in 
 money matters ; — one ought to have no delicacy 
 there.'' 
 
 " Why, you know best, John,'' said Abel 
 very modestly, " and therefore what I might 
 say is perhaps pure folly ; but it struck me, 
 that it might be better to remain contented 
 with a smaller interest and the security of one's 
 own government, than with larger interest and 
 the uncertain security of a foreign state." 
 
 " There is wisdom in what you say," an- 
 swered John ; " but recollect how very differ- 
 ently Mexico is situated to other states. What 
 greater security can you possibly require than a 
 whole continent full of silver and gold ?" (At
 
 36 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 these words Bab and Fanny looked triumph- 
 antly at Abel.) " The very stones of the country 
 are silver — most of the precious metals which 
 now exist in the world have been produced from 
 her mines — and she is about again to pour forth 
 her treasures. After that, would you refuse to 
 trust your funds in her possession ? Believe 
 me that the riches of the whole Bank of Eng- 
 land together are not to be compared to one of 
 her mines. Why, the new mines of Tlalpuha- 
 hua alone will give you more security than a 
 whole regiment of bank-directors." 
 
 " There — what can you say to that .'"exclaimed 
 Bab. " No, Abel, you have no chance in ar- 
 gument with John. No — we are resolved — we 
 will do what you tell us, John — that is deter- 
 mined ; but I want you to explain one thing 
 to me which I have never yet understood. You 
 tell us to sell out of the stocks — now what are 
 the stocks ?" 
 
 '^ Why, as to that," said John, " I might 
 talk and explain to you till to-morrow, and you 
 would perhaps never understand. Generally, 
 then, I may say, they imply government secu-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 37 
 
 rities for money lent to the state, for which the 
 owner gets a rate of interest graduated by cir- 
 cumstances." 
 
 " I always thought," said Fanny, " that they 
 wpre something like our village stocks : if you 
 got your money into them, like the poor man's 
 leg, it was difficult to get it out." 
 
 Then, turning to John, Bab said, " Now you 
 must put us in the way of accomplishing this 
 job. You are going away to-morrow, and there- 
 fore cannot do it for us — you must leave us 
 directions what we are to do." 
 
 " There is nothing so easy," said John, " and 
 nothing which you cannot do as well as I ; but, 
 in order to prevent all difficulties, I would re- 
 commend you to have recourse to your neigh- 
 bour Woodby. He made all his fortune in the 
 Stock Exchange, and he will tell you precisely 
 what must be done." 
 
 Upon this there ensued a pause in their deli- 
 berations. To put oneself under an obligation 
 to a neighbour in the country is matter of 
 deep consideration ; and Aunt Bab, whose opi- 
 nion was always consulted in family discussions
 
 38 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 of this class, remained silent, as if her mind 
 was held in a state of doubt. 
 
 " The Goold Woodbys, you mean," she slowly 
 said to John, " of Belvedere Hall ? — Do you 
 think that would be advisable ?'"" 
 
 " And why not ?" said John. " He was a 
 stock-broker himself, and surely he will be 
 too happy to give advice upon what he knows 
 best." 
 
 " Ah, that is just what he does not like to 
 do,'* answered Bab : " does he, Abel ?" 
 
 Abel answered, " Why, as to that, I have 
 never found him otherwise than very friendly 
 and civil to me, and ready to talk upon all sub- 
 jects. He is fond, 'tis true, of referring to his 
 ancestors, and to those of his wife, the Goolds ; 
 and therefore, perhaps, it is too readily inferred 
 that he might wish to drop the broker while he 
 asserts his ancient lineage. But that is only 
 village gossip ; I dare say, upon an occasion of 
 necessity, he will not refuse to give his opinion 
 on a point in which he is evidently so great 
 an authority." 
 
 " What do you think of it, Fanny ?'"' said
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 39 
 
 Barbara to her sister. " You know Mrs. Goold 
 Woodby and her daughters better than I do ; — 
 don't you imagine they would think it odd our 
 going to consult them upon family matters ?"" 
 
 " Why, perhaps they might," said Fanny ; 
 " they have a trick of thinking everything odd : 
 but, as we are to be the winners, what can it 
 signify ?" 
 
 " It will signify thus much," rejoined the sa- 
 pient Bab, — " that our private affairs will be- 
 come the public talk of the whole parish ; and 
 then, if our means of living are increased, as 
 John assures us they will be, the Woodbys will 
 be sure to take the whole credit of it to them- 
 selves.*'"' 
 
 " My dear Bab," said John jestingly, " one 
 would suppose that you were about to appoint 
 Mr. Woodby your father confessor, and to 
 divulge to him every secret of your mind. Al- 
 low Abel to be your negotiator : men under- 
 stand these matters better than women, and 
 they are settled in a few words. Go into any of 
 the great marts of business, and you will see 
 hundreds of thousands of pounds transferred
 
 40 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 from one pocket into another with little more 
 than a word on each side and a nod. Two 
 women will expend more words in a country 
 market-place upon buying and selling a cab- 
 bage, than are expended by two of the other 
 sex in settling the disposal of whole fortunes." 
 
 Barbara had but a small opinion of AbeFs 
 abilities in anything that related to a bargain, 
 and she consequently shook her head at John's 
 proposal ; but, as she was quite alive to the 
 charms of an increase of revenue, she gradually 
 ceased all further opposition, and it was at 
 length settled that Abel should proceed the 
 next day to Belvedere Hall. 
 
 The remainder of the evening was occupied 
 in listening to John's schemes for the future; 
 which, if they were here given with the anima- 
 tion and circumstantiality with which he detail- 
 ed them, would afford a lively picture of his 
 character, — that is, of a genuine sanguine man. 
 Like all men of that character, his imagination 
 would get the better of his sober reason ; and 
 as when a high wind acquires possession of a 
 weather-cock it veers about at its pleasure, so
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 41 
 
 his mind was the play of every scheme, how- 
 ever impracticable. No circumnavigator had 
 ever planned so vast a scheme as that which 
 he now described. His intention, after having 
 reached his destination and set on foot the 
 objects of his mission, was to explore every 
 mine in the Mexican continent ; settle the quan- 
 tity and quality of its minerals ; trace its geo- 
 logical construction ; survey the country from 
 shore to shore, in order to construct a correct 
 map, and thus refute Humboldt ; make col- 
 lections of natural history ; transmit all its 
 principal vegetable productions to England ; 
 write a code of laws for the future regula- 
 tion of its republic ; establish a navy ; model 
 its army ; and, in short, renovate and recon- 
 struct its whole being, moral and physical. 
 He had thoughts of performing the same ser- 
 vice to all the new states of the South Ame- 
 rican continent ; he hinted at the possibility of 
 making the name of Allnutt as famous as that 
 of Americus Vespusius : and then, having set- 
 tled to liis satisfaction that portion of the globe, 
 he had thoughts of crossing the Pacific, and
 
 4:2 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 keeping up a running fire of renovation and rege- 
 neration among the diflPerent islands of its archi- 
 pelago ; thus to circumnavigate the globe, and, 
 so he expressed himself, surround it with a zone 
 of civilization of his own making. 
 
 His auditors listened with open mouths and 
 uplifted brows at the immensity of his inten- 
 tions : they, who never having stirred from the 
 confines of their village, looked upon an excur- 
 sion to the market-town as a feat of uncommon 
 enterprise. Contented and happy in themselves, 
 without ambition for the future, they would 
 have continued to live on as they had hitherto 
 done, had they not been roused by their bro- 
 ther ""s energies to increase their means of exist- 
 ence. Another incentive was the presence 
 of their niece, whose advancement and settle- 
 ment in life they felt themselves called upon 
 to promote. 'Tis true that her father's re- 
 quest that no steps should be taken during his 
 absence to promote her marriage stood in their 
 way : but hers was now the age for gaiety ; 
 their pride at possessing so beautiful and 
 matchless a niece could not be restrained, and
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 43 
 
 they longed to achieve an innocent triumph 
 over their neighbours, by infusing love and 
 admiration — and perhaps, let it be said, envy — 
 into their breasts. 
 
 " But, my dear John," said Barbara after 
 a pause, '' how are you to mind the business 
 you are going upon, and to make your fortune 
 at the same time, if you are to do all these 
 things?" 
 
 " And how will you be able to return to 
 me," remarked Mary in her most affectionate 
 manner, *"' if you are to go so far as you now 
 propose ?" 
 
 John contended that much more was to be 
 performed in a short space of time iii travelling 
 abroad than could be conceived by those who 
 remained inactive at home. Owing to the great 
 improvements in the science of navigation, men 
 crossed and re-crossed the globe with much 
 more certainty than they did formerly ; and he 
 asserted that he was ready to lay a good bet, 
 in the same manner as he would stake his 
 money on a steeple-chase, that he would go 
 quite round the globe in a year, taking every
 
 44 ABEL ALLNITTT. 
 
 continent which came in his way, without turn- 
 ing to the right or left to avoid it. He conti- 
 nued to talk with so much indifference of the 
 long voyage which lay before him, and made 
 it so much a matter of course that he would 
 return at the prescribed period, that he ma- 
 terially blunted the edge of those feelings of 
 sorrow which would otherwise have been ex- 
 cited by his departure ; and he so well succeeded 
 in making every one pleased with their own 
 immediate prospects, as well as participating in 
 his own views, that they parted for the night 
 with none of that misery which usually pre- 
 cedes the taking leave of one who is much be- 
 loved.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 45 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 An introduction to an important personage^ both in his oion 
 estimation, as well as in this history. 
 
 Early the following morning everybody was 
 astir to witness the departure of the active and 
 indefatigable John. During his hasty break- 
 fast he did not cease reverting to the thousand 
 schemes which engrossed his mind, and parti- 
 cularly to the one touching the immediate in- 
 crease of the family revenue. His lovely daugh- 
 ter could not speak from emotion, but sat look- 
 ing fondly at him until the moment when he 
 arose to depart, when with her last embrace 
 she entreated him to return to her as soon as 
 he could be released from his present engage- 
 ments. Embracing his sisters, he made pro-
 
 46 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 mises of writing by every opportunity ; and his 
 last words to Abel, as he warmly shook his 
 hand, were " Consult Woodby, and lose no time." 
 Upon that, springing into his chaise, he drove 
 off at a rapid pace, taking the road to Liver- 
 pool, where he was to embark for Mexico. 
 
 During John's short visit, Barbara had placed 
 the reins of government in his hands, and she 
 yielded to whatever laws he chose to proclaim 
 without the smallest reluctance, for his word 
 was to her a command ; but the moment he was 
 gone she again reigned supreme, and her power 
 was duly acknowledged. Fanny became al- 
 most an automaton, and only seemed to expand 
 into life when the interests of mankind were 
 brought into discussion. Mary, by her lively 
 and docile disposition, diffused life and pleasure 
 wherever she appeared ; whilst Abel, in whom 
 the total abnegation of self, with a reserve, let 
 it be said, of occasional restiveness in favour 
 of his flute, made him always ready to meet 
 the wishes of every one who chose to command 
 him. 
 
 When the sound of the wheel was fairly out
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 47 
 
 of hearing, and the house restored to its usual 
 repose, Barbara continued the subject which 
 John had so much insisted upon. Addressing 
 herself particularly to Abel, she said, " We 
 know more about the Goold Woodbys than 
 poor dear John could possibly know, — it stands 
 to reason that we do ; and therefore we ought 
 to ask their advice with caution. I am sure 
 I ^m right." 
 
 Whenever Abel heard these formules of 
 words "It stands to reason," and '^ I 'm sure 
 I 'm right," with which Aunt Bab generally set 
 forth her opinion, he always withdrew from 
 further discussion, and generally submitted 
 without a reply. 
 
 *' I think so too," said Abel. 
 
 " Well then, since that is the case," con- 
 tinued Bab, " you must go to him to-day as 
 if you were merely making a morning visit. I 
 think I know Mr. Woodby well, and his habits 
 of life. He will probably say something about 
 the weather, — which is a subject he can say 
 a great deal upon ; when you will have an 
 opportunity of asking how his crops are get-
 
 48 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 ting on, — which is another subject he likes; 
 and when you have got him well into that, 
 you may pop upon him all at once with ' What 
 do you think of the French Revolution ? 
 He will be charmed when he hears that ques- 
 tion, and he will go on for an hour about it : 
 and when he comes to the part where he says, 
 ' I don't know what will become of us, and 
 things never were in a worse state,' you may 
 then ask him the price of stocks, and how 
 things look in the City ; when he will tell you 
 all that we want to know. It stands to reason 
 that you must go round and round him cleverly 
 until you bring him to the point, and not 
 frighten him by any one positive question. 
 I 'm sure I *'m right.'' 
 
 " I '11 go then at once," answered Abel : "John 
 said * lose no time.' " 
 
 *' Do — you had better," rejoined Barbara, 
 still full of her diplomacy. " But mind now — 
 weather first — crops next — French Revolu- 
 tion after that, and then the price of stocks ; — 
 he '11 tell you all by that means as easily as 
 I can bring all the poultry about me by sprin-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 49 
 
 kling a little corn here and there with judg- 
 ment. Now mind ; let him have his talk out, 
 — he*ll then tell you all. It stands to reason 
 — I 'm sure I 'm right." 
 
 Abel, docile to her bidding, did as he was 
 ordered, and taking up his hat and stick, walk- 
 ed away intent upon this great scheme ; and 
 before he reaches his destination, a walk of 
 about two miles, it will be proper to inform 
 our readers of matters relating to the house and 
 its inhabitants towards which he was bending 
 his steps. 
 
 Mr. Goold Woodby, as John had cor- 
 rectly stated, had amassed a very considera- 
 ble fortune in the city, principally by dealings 
 in the Stock Exchange. At the time of this 
 our history, he had retired into the country, 
 where he had bought a large estate ; and not 
 being known in the neighbourhood, dropped 
 the habits of a citizen, and took upon him the 
 airs of a country gentleman. During his mer- 
 cantile life he had been known by the name 
 of Wouldbe ; but when he retired from trade, 
 suddenly he discovered that, during the civil 
 
 VOL. 1. D
 
 50 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 wars, a cavalier of that name had attained 
 great notoriety by an act of treachery ; and 
 being anxious to make it known that that per- 
 son was in fact his ancestor and related to the 
 first families, upon pretext of disclaiming the 
 odium attached to the name, he expended a 
 large sum at the Heralds' College, in order 
 to change it to his present more rural appel- 
 lation of Woodby. By this ingenious mode 
 of applying the lucus a non lucendo, he taught 
 the world what no one would ever have cared 
 to find out — that he was a man of old family, 
 — a fact to which he was always happy to al- 
 lude. Acting upon the same principle, he 
 married a lady of the name of Goold, possess- 
 ing riches, with sufficient personal attractions, 
 w^ho also founded much of her happiness upon 
 the pride of birth ; for she clearly and truly was 
 able to demonstrate that she was a lineal de- 
 scendant of Sir Jugg Goold, Knight, the well- 
 known goldsmith to Charles the Second. 
 With the junction of these names he flat- 
 tered himself to have composed a very eupho- 
 nical cognomen ; and having tumefied himself
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 51 
 
 and his possessions by all the pomp and cir- 
 cumstance of two shields, and as great a varie- 
 ty of heraldic insignia as he could obtain for 
 his money, he gradually persuaded himself that 
 he was a very considerable personage. 
 
 He built himself a house, or rather a cas- 
 tle. The utmost ingenuity had been dis- 
 played in making its outward appearance as 
 little like a living house as possible. The win- 
 dows were generally so placed, that when the 
 sun shone, they caught the shadow of a pro- 
 jecting buttress instead of its cheering warmth. 
 Gutters poured forth their contents from frown- 
 ing embrasures ; whilst small turrets, with 
 loop-holes, protruding through dense masses of 
 brick and mortar, like hats on pegs, were hung 
 about the flat walls. The chimneys, which, 
 when seen, give an appearance of snugness and 
 hospitality to an unpretending house, here were 
 hidden behind cunning angles of fortification, 
 and as they disgorged their smoke, made one 
 suppo.se the building was on fire, since the 
 proper effect was not seen to proceed from the 
 appropriate cause. A perfect flat and even 
 
 D 2 
 
 nfVVUt©-
 
 52 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 range of country had been selected, upon which 
 to raise this structure ; but it had been called 
 Belvedere, (or, as it was usually pronounced 
 by the inhabitants, Belvideer,) from the cir- 
 cumstance of a small break in the dense 
 woods which surrounded it, and which enabled 
 the curious in fine prospects to discern a barn, 
 the village steeple, and two hay-stacks peeping 
 through the trees. 
 
 The grounds and shrubberies were laid out 
 with the same taste which had presided over the 
 house. Straight lines were forbidden ; every- 
 thing was serpentine. The whole plan ap- 
 peared to have been made with a view of plac- 
 ing every part of them as much at variance 
 with common sense as possible. A walk across 
 a flat lawn was tortured into the same figure 
 as it might be through a wood, and made a 
 straightforward man feel as if his hip would 
 be put out of joint in winding through it. 
 Chairs and benches, composed of the most tor- 
 tuous and the roughest of wood, apparently 
 contrivances for the afflicted with distorted 
 spines, were plentifully distributed about the
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 53 
 
 grounds by way of ornament ; and everywhere 
 it seemed as if art had done its utmost to 
 caricature nature. 
 
 Abel walked forward with alacrity to per- 
 form his appointed task, although he had cer- 
 tain misgivings as to the ultimate result of the 
 change he was about to effect. We wish to 
 bring the reader better acquainted with his cha- 
 racter, for he is destined to perform one of the 
 principal ;^parts in the forthcoming narrative. 
 We have already said that, owing to the sickly 
 nature of his constitution, he had been nursed 
 through his boyhood and youth at home. He 
 had been but indifferently educated, for appli- 
 cation of any sort had been interdicted ; there- 
 fore in that respect he was extremely deficient. 
 But what he wanted in mental acquirement and 
 personal advantages was fully balanced by the 
 excellence of his disposition. He might be said 
 to possess, without cant or exaggeration, all 
 those virtues which are called Christian, and 
 which, when brought into action, constitute a 
 good and consequently a great character. His 
 distinguishing qualities were meekness and hu-
 
 54 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 mility : he thought so little of himself, that he 
 was always happy to see others preferred before 
 him. Benevolence was conspicuous in his coun- 
 tenance, manners, and actions ; and however 
 small the interest might be which his first ap- 
 pearance inspired, nobody could converse with 
 him without afterwards feeling kindly disposed 
 towards him. All his inclinations and desires 
 were on the side of virtue. He was severe to- 
 wards himself, but forgiving towards others. 
 Wherever a charitable action was to be per- 
 formed, a wrong to be redressed, or forbearance 
 to be exercised, he was the first to take the lead, 
 and ever the first to give way if others required 
 him to retire. Such a character, in the bustle 
 of life, was likely to be passed over, often 
 laughed at, sneered at, and made a butt of : 
 it required to be well known to be appre- 
 ciated. 
 
 Upon approaching the place of his destina- 
 tion, he found masons at work upon a magni- 
 ficent entrance composed of two stone lodges, 
 castellated and turreted, and connected by a 
 long range of iron railing, curiously wrought,
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 55 
 
 opening at intervals by two gates, each sur- 
 mounted by a shield accompanied by a motto. 
 
 Abel cast his eyes up at these emblems of 
 vanity, and, totally thoughtless of the real an- 
 tiquity of his own family, smiled at the pre- 
 tensions which they announced. He crept up 
 towards the principal entrance of the castle 
 almost with the same timidity that a shy man 
 encounters a whole roomful of company, and 
 rang the bell. He was received by a servant 
 in that sort of dress which announces unreadi- 
 ness to receive visitors, seeing it was still early 
 in the day, but was duly ushered into the pre- 
 sence of his master 
 
 Mr. Goold Woodby's person did not second 
 the claims which he had set up either to 
 ancient birth or gentleness of blood. He 
 was among men what a cabbage may be among 
 plants. He was altogether a rotund man : his 
 head was as round as a cannon-ball, his body 
 protuberant and spheiical, and his legs adorn- 
 ed by calves so round and muscular, that 
 they might have performed the duty of balus- 
 ters. There was much vulgarity in his whole
 
 56 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 appearance; although he had an intelligent 
 look, and wielded an eye that was alive to 
 everything but the extreme ridicule of his 
 own person. His dress was that of a sub- 
 stantially wealthy man, — he adhered to the 
 old-fashioned row of buttons at the knees and 
 strong drab gaiters beneath, showing a whole- 
 some azure woollen stocking in the interstice. 
 A long, massive gold chain, with a bunch of 
 embossed seals, hung down from that slope in 
 his person where the fob is situated, and 
 dropped a perpendicular a great deal more 
 conspicuous than does a cable pending from 
 the bows of a Dutch galliot. His hair was 
 slightly sprinkled with powder, and his shirt 
 owned a frill that flowed over his waistcoat. 
 His manners betrayed a singular mixture of 
 vulgar intimacy and cold reserve. When he 
 thought that he was too conciliatory, all at 
 once he would stop short, as if he had for- 
 gotten something, and become almost rude. 
 His shake of the hand, that indication of man^^s 
 feelings, was truly characteristic : he gave his 
 hand, but shook his elbow; which was as much
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 57 
 
 as to sa}^, " I leave you to decide between my 
 hand and my elbow how matters stand between 
 us." He was apt to be ceremonious to his infe- 
 riors, but would expand into affected ease and 
 jollity with people of consequence, particularly 
 if some equal or inferior was at hand to see 
 him. To any one who had affinity to persons 
 of rank he was invariably attentive, and would 
 always, by hook or by crook, particularly 
 when others were present, allude to that affi- 
 nity. He was therefore the professed friend 
 of the AUnutt family ; although, out of con- 
 sideration to their poverty, there was always 
 a tincture of protection in his manner towards 
 them. With Abel he adopted the jocular 
 patronising manner ; and when on this occa- 
 sion his name was announced, he immediately 
 placed himself in a corresponding attitude, 
 and when he approached him, gave him one 
 hand, and placed the other on his shoulder, 
 whilst he exclaimed, " Ah, Allnutt, how are 
 you.?" What passed between them will be 
 read in the ensuing chapter. 
 
 d5
 
 58 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The consequences of the foregoing introduction described. 
 
 Although Abel was ever ready to hearken 
 to his sister's directions, yet it did not follow 
 that he always obeyed them ; for he felt that 
 conviction which we believe is inherent in the 
 male sex, whatever may be the weakness of 
 a man^s person, his mind must ever main- 
 tain the superiority over that of the wo- 
 man. On this occasion he had almost en- 
 tirely forgotten the instructions with which 
 he had been furnished on departing for his 
 embassy ; and when he came into contact 
 with his negotiating party, he determined to 
 allow the conversation to take whatever course 
 it might please. However, he did not long 
 remain in suspense how to act ; for Mr. Wood-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 59 
 
 by had no sooner delivered himself of his first 
 ejaculation, than he went on as follows. 
 
 " It is very good of you to come. I suppose 
 now you came to see my new lodges, which all 
 the world comes to see. — Now an't they hand- 
 some ? I flatter myself they will be as fine 
 an ornament to the county as anything in it. 
 You remarked the double shields, I hope ?"" 
 
 " Yes, indeed I did," said Abel. 
 
 " Ah, well, that 's right of you ! You see 
 we don't do things in the common way ; it ""s 
 done in the most expensive manner, and Stone 
 the architect tells me they beat Lord Thoro- 
 field's lodges hollow." 
 
 " They are certainly very conspicuous," said 
 Abel. 
 
 " I meant them to be conspicuous,'' rejoined 
 Woodby. I think it quite right in these times 
 that people should show themselves properly : 
 it is necessary that those who have weight 
 should assert it by their acts. Now good 
 lodges, I maintain, does that." 
 
 " Yes," said Abel ; '* their architecture is 
 solid, to be sure."
 
 60 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Certainly it is ; and so it ought to be in 
 these times. But did you remark the shields ? 
 I am sure you could not have overlooked my 
 shields. I think they show capitally ; — Lord 
 Thorofield has only a crest." 
 
 " Yes, I remarked the shields,*" said Abel. 
 
 " Well, what did you think of them.?"" con- 
 tinued Woodby, not waiting for the answer. 
 " You know the history of the Woodby arms, 
 don't you ? did I never tell it you before ? (he 
 had done so an hundred times.) Why, it is just 
 this : — You know the Would bes are one of the 
 most ancient families in the kingdom ; and I 
 am told that the bull's head regardant over 
 the frog gonjient, for so they call it in heraldry, 
 is intended to record the ambition of the first 
 baron of the family, who in his arrogance as- 
 pired to no less a thing than the crown, and 
 that the motto ' J(e boutrrai si je coutrrai,' in old 
 French — in what they call Norman -French, 
 means, ' / would be, if I could be."" Is it not 
 strange? You see I have thought it right to 
 adopt the old arms ; although I never could 
 think for a moment in these times to preserve a
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 61 
 
 name so degraded by its want of loyalty to its 
 sovereign as was that of my ancestor, and 
 therefore, as a matter of duty — as an open 
 declaration of my principles, I thought it right 
 to change it, and to adopt the one I now bear. 
 Now don't you think I am right ?"" said he, 
 closing upon Abel, and taking one of his but- 
 tons in hand, — " don''t you think it was hand- 
 some of me ? It cost me no less than three 
 hundred pounds at the Heralds' College. Who 
 is the man now-a-days, I should like to know, 
 who would voluntarily come forward and ex- 
 pend three hundred pounds upon loyalty ?" 
 
 " None but yourself," said Abel, smiling, 
 " that 's certain !" 
 
 " That 's right ! " said Woodby, taking the 
 words as a compliment ; " but you see I did 
 it though : and I "ve reason to think it has been 
 well taken at court. The king granted the 
 patent as soon as it was asked for, and I assure 
 you it was done in a very handsome manner ; 
 and when I kissed hands upon the occasion, his 
 majesty with the utmost condescension said, 
 ' How do you do, Mr. Woodbine ?' I ventured
 
 bus ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 to put him right, and said, ' Woodby, your 
 majesty ;** upon which he smiled, and so did all 
 the surrounding princes and lords, and I never 
 was so pleased in all the whole course of my 
 life. Is not that charming ?" 
 
 " Verv !'' said Abel. 
 
 "But you remarked the other shield too, 
 did you not ?"" said the vain man, who was now 
 completely run away with by his subject. 
 " Well, that, you know, contains the Goold coat 
 of arras ; that's the shield of Mrs. Goold Wood- 
 by's family. The story attached to that is one 
 of the most interesting, and, I may say, pecu- 
 liar, in the whole history of England. It has 
 appeared in the ' Anecdotes of celebrated Gold- 
 smiths.' You see, Goold was goldsmith to King 
 Charles II : he is well known to have worked 
 for that monarch's unfortunate father, for it is 
 so attested by records in the family, fac-similes 
 of the bills sent in being in existence to this 
 day, and therefore at the Restoration he was 
 appointed by royal sign manual the court-gold- 
 smith. He was a remarkably shy man, sober 
 in his habits, dressing invariably in a suit of
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 68 
 
 unpretending drab, and keeping clear of all the 
 licence of those days. Well, the king one day 
 in a merry mood determined to knight him, 
 and straightway he was dubbed Sir Jugg Goold. 
 — But the story of the shield is to come. You 
 know in those days all shops were designated 
 by signs, which hung out conspicuously upon 
 handsomely ornamented iron posts. Well, in 
 addition to the knighthood, the king ordered 
 that a coat of arms should be added, which 
 should consist of a hand wielding a hammer, 
 and that the motto, out of compliment to the 
 excellence of the man, should be ' ^urum tjuam 
 fionum,' which, you know, means in Latin, 
 ' Gold how goodP which, I may say, is a sort of 
 double entendre, as we say in French, or a 
 pun, as some pretend it is, — for Charles was 
 fond of a joke, — which means both things — 
 that the metal gold is good, and that the man 
 Goold was good also ! Now is not that a cu- 
 rious historical coincidence or fact ? — Well, 
 this was done. A handsome sign, containing 
 the coat of arms and the motto, was forthwith 
 executed with great skill by a painter of that
 
 64 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 time, and hung over the door of the shop until 
 the fashion of signs went out. That sign — the 
 original sign — I have now in my possession, 
 having come to me through my wife. You '11 
 own that 's a thing to be proud of ?" 
 
 " It is indeed,'" said Abel. 
 
 " Therefore, I think in these times," conti- 
 nued Woodby, " every man of ancient family 
 ought to take particular care to exhibit the 
 titles to his descent, and thus uphold what it is 
 now-a-days the fashion to despise, — to destroy 
 those fatal levelling principles which were first 
 introduced into this country by that ever-to-be- 
 lamented French Revolution." 
 
 At these words Abel recollected the injunc- 
 tions of his sister, and hoped the moment was 
 now at hand when he might introduce the 
 object of his visit with its proper effect. 
 ••' That was a sad event, that 's most certain !" 
 said he. 
 
 " Indeed I can speak feelingly," said Wood- 
 by, " for I was as near being one of the victims 
 of its fury as ever man was." 
 
 " How was that .?" said Abel.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 65 
 
 *' What ! did you never hear that ?'*' exclaim- 
 ed Woodby, as if he had just found a fresh 
 point of departure. " I was as near done for 
 as you can imagine. I was young at the time : 
 I went to Paris on business. You ought to 
 have seen what the Revolution was to have any 
 idea of it ! Why, what do you think they took 
 me for?" 
 
 *' I really don't know," said Abel. 
 
 " Why, they took me for a gentleman," said 
 Woodby. 
 
 " Did they indeed I" said Abel. 
 
 " Yes," said Woodby, " as sure as you stand 
 there they took me for a gentleman, because I 
 only blew my nose with a white pocket-hand- 
 kerchief, when I ought to have done it with a 
 tricolor one. They were as nearly seizing me up 
 to the lamp-post as possible, and hanging me 
 without judge or jury, when having discovered 
 that I was an Englishman, they let me drop 
 souse into the mud as if I was nothing at all. 
 Few can say that of themselves. I only wish 
 that you had seen me !" 
 
 *' I should have been sorry to do that," said
 
 66 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Abel. " But I fear we shall long feel the effects 
 of the French Revolution." 
 
 " Ay," said Woodby, looking sad and draw- 
 ing a deep sigh, " I don't know what will be- 
 come of us, — things were never in a worse 
 state !" 
 
 Abel, recollecting the words of his sister, 
 then said, " But the prices of stocks keep up 
 pretty well, don't they ? I think my brother 
 John calls them the barometer of the times." 
 
 At the words " prices of stocks," Woodby's 
 face clothed itself with a new expression, and, 
 like the old war-horse, that pricks up his ears 
 upon hearing the sound of a trumpet and longs 
 to be off, he felt at those words that all the 
 fascinations of the Stock Exchange had come 
 upon him with their former power. " Prices of 
 stocks !" he exclaimed ; " what do you know of 
 the prices of stocks ?" his eyes at the same time 
 twinkling with a true broker's twinkle. 
 
 Abel then no longer delayed giving him in 
 as few words as possible the real object of his 
 visit, and asking his advice upon the best mode 
 of proceeding to put his scheme into practice.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 67 
 
 Aunt Bab had been perfectly right in her 
 judgment upon Woodby's character : for it is 
 probable that if Abel had made a point-blank 
 statement of his case, and asked his advice as 
 if he were addressing himself to a professional 
 merchant, Woodby would have entrenched him- 
 self in his shields, his lodges, and his dignities, 
 and taken offence ; but, brought on, as it had 
 been, in this gradual and seemingly unpre- 
 meditated manner, the whole broker was de- 
 clared at once by a natural impulse, and 
 he embraced with eagerness the scheme pro- 
 posed to his consideration. He inquired, with 
 an interest that astonished and delighted Abel, 
 in what manner he could serve him ; and when 
 he found that it was his intention to invest his 
 money in the Mexican funds, he did not hesi- 
 tate for a moment in encouraging his design, 
 and gave him all the proper directions how to 
 put it into execution. He said that disposing 
 of one's money with such great interest and 
 such like securities was like eating one's cake 
 and keeping it, — that it was better than actual 
 gold and silver, for that it saved one the trou-
 
 68 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 ble of a banker, inasmuch as it was buried in 
 the earth. He then informed him how he 
 might get a proper power of attorney made out 
 to empower his bankers in London to act for 
 him, and said that he himself would write to 
 his own bankers to facilitate the operation. 
 
 Abel was all gratitude at this act of kindness 
 from one upon whom he had no other claim 
 than the fortuitous one of being a country 
 neighbour, and made his acknowledgments ac- 
 cordingly. Woodby, however, was by no means 
 a disinterested adviser, although he looked like 
 a man who would fain believe that he was en- 
 titled to gratitude. The truth, be it spoken, was, 
 Woodby was himself possessor of a large sum 
 of money in the Mexican funds ; and as an ex- 
 perienced navigator, when he sees a small cloud 
 rising in a suspicious point of the horizon, 
 knows that a storm is likely to ensue, so, by 
 certain indications in the temper of the Stock 
 Exchange, he began to apprehend that Mexi- 
 can stock might soon be at a discount, and 
 therefore was only watching a fitting oppor- 
 tunity to get rid of his venture with the least
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 69 
 
 possible loss. What then was his delight when 
 he found that, instead of an expected loss, 
 his good stars were about to visit him with un- 
 looked-for gain ! 
 
 " Mexico,*" said Woodby, " is an astonishingly 
 rich country. We are told that every domestic 
 article there is made of silver, down to their 
 wash-hand basins, pewter pots, &c. You can't 
 go wrong in investing your money in its funds : 
 besides, they say, you know, as new brooms 
 sweep clean, why shouldn^ new republics pay 
 to the day?" 
 
 " Ah,**" said Abel, " that is what my bro- 
 ther John told us. He said that they had 
 more money than they knew what to do with : 
 but 1 have since been thinking, Mr. Woodby, 
 if that is the case, why do they want money 
 from us ? Perhaps you can tell me." 
 
 " Why, you see," answered Woodby, look- 
 ing wise, "it is just this: — You may have 
 your barn full of corn ; but what is the use 
 of it if you have none of the implements neces- 
 sary to thresh it out, and no mill wherewith to 
 grind it, before you make it into bread ? So it
 
 70 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 is with the Mexicans; — they possess the ore, 
 but they want the means of turning it to use. 
 They borrow from us to provide themselves 
 with the means, for which they pay a great 
 interest, being certain ere long to repay the 
 capital borrowed. — Pray," said Woodby with 
 an air of business which spoke much for the 
 broker, and but little for the owner of shields 
 and the descendant of an ancient family, — 
 " Pray, what may be the amount of the stock 
 you require?" 
 
 Abel mentioned the amount to the best of 
 his knowledge; when Woodby, making up a 
 look composed of friendship and protection, 
 said, " Now, Allnutt, I '11 show you how much 
 I am your friend ; I '11 furnish you with the 
 money !" 
 
 " Will you indeed !" exclaimed Abel with 
 an expression of grateful feeling beaming in 
 his countenance : " but that I can never allow ; 
 I will never consent to take that from you 
 which you value so much." 
 
 " Oh, never mind that !" said Woodby ; 
 " you shall have the money, and I '11 write to
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 71 
 
 my bankers immediately to communicate with 
 yours upon the subject. I'll take no refusal."" 
 
 " But it must not and shall not be !" said 
 Abel, determined, as he thought, not to be out- 
 done in generosity. " How can I deprive you 
 of the advantages which you have described ? 
 shall I prevent you from eating your cake and 
 keeping it too .?" 
 
 " Say no more about it," said Woodby with 
 vivacity ; " I Ve settled it, so no more." 
 
 " I cannot acquiesce in so much goodness,"" 
 retorted Abel : " can I forget that you said 
 money in Mexican bonds was better secured 
 than in your bankers' hands ? I am determin- 
 ed not to deprive you of such advantages."" 
 
 " You 11 make me angry !"" again replied 
 Woodby, who was really beginning to be net- 
 tled ; " I 11 have no further reply : when I 
 have once determined upon a thing, nothing 
 can turn me. You shall be supplied : and as 
 for the advantages you talk of, let them be for- 
 gotten in the pleasure I have of being of ser- 
 vice to you.'"' 
 
 Abel was quite overpowered by what he con-
 
 72 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 sidered an act of gratuitous liberality, and 
 Woodby rose in bis estimation at least an hun- 
 dred per cent. Unused as he was to trans- 
 actions of this kind, ignorant of their details, 
 and accustomed to consider every one as ho- 
 nest as himself, little did he suppose that 
 Woodby 's conduct on this occasion was 
 prompted by any motive save that of a pure 
 disinterested desire to be useful. He there- 
 fore made his acknowledgments according- 
 ly, and would have departed at once to 
 make known the joyful tidings to his sisters, 
 had not Woodby in the fulness of his exulta- 
 tion insisted upon his staying to take some 
 luncheon before he resumed his walk, to which 
 Abel, not knowing how to resist, consented.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 73 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Showing by what small means importance may he appreciated. 
 
 Great events are frequently produced from 
 trifling causes : the intentions of a minister are 
 sometimes discovered by a single phrase, a 
 secret may be disclosed by a nod, and a man*s 
 character may be divined from one single act. 
 It was thus with Mr. Goold Woodby's lunch- 
 eon. From the circumstances attendant upon 
 that meal, to which Abel had been invited, the 
 reader may probably draw inferences which will 
 save us the trouble of entering into a long de- 
 scription of the Woodby household, and he 
 will learn by deduction that which we shall be 
 happy to be saved the necessity of asserting 
 in broad plain terms. 
 
 VOL. 1. E
 
 74 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Belvedere Hall had been fitted up at great 
 expense. It contained handsome rooms, with 
 much costly furniture ; and wherever the 
 eye turned, the conclusion was self-evident 
 that nothing had been spared ' to do the thing 
 handsome,' as is frequently said on such, occa- 
 sions. After Abel had finished his conversa- 
 tion with Mr. Woodby, he was taken to the 
 dining-room, where the table was spread for 
 luncheon, and there he awaited for a short time 
 the arrival of the host and hostess. A door 
 which was wide open led into an adjoining 
 apartment, evidently the drawing-room, and 
 thither Abel walked to while away the time. 
 Everything within was so papered over, cover- 
 ed and pinned up, that it was plain, excepting 
 on particular occasions, the whole was as sa- 
 cred as the chambers of the Inquisition. A half- 
 open shutter disclosed the riches which it con- 
 tained, and shed its light into an adjacent room, 
 which was in the same dishabille. Just as 
 Abel had finished his survey, and was retreat- 
 ing from the cheerless apartments, he was met 
 by Mrs. Goold Woodby, who was then enter-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 75 
 
 ing, followed by one of her daughters. We 
 are sorry to detain the reader by another per- 
 sonal description, but it is absolutely necessary 
 in order to give a true colouring to the follow- 
 ing sketch. The lady in question was one of 
 those persons who, to certain tastes, come 
 under the denomination of a ' fine woman." 
 Her complexion was fair, her eyes light, her 
 hair not dark; and although she wore an 
 anxious look, still the habit of her face was 
 to smile. She was now about fifty years old, 
 but might be called a young-looking woman 
 for her age. Her pretensions to beauty she 
 had long given up to her daughters; but 
 since her installation in this fine house, and 
 in consequence of her neighbourhood to cer- 
 tain persons of consequence with whom she 
 had interchanged visits, she had extended the 
 boundaries of her pretensions to gentility, and 
 it was a subject worthy of remark, how gra- 
 dual had been her advances in that most diffi- 
 cult, most capricious, and coyest of qualities, 
 since she first emerged from the City ; for she 
 was then a creature of a diff*erent species to 
 
 E 2
 
 76 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 what she afterwards proved in the country. 
 She there had lived with those whose contempt 
 for the letter h was unbounded, whose pro- 
 nouns were painfully demonstrative, and whose 
 designations were generally made after the fol- 
 lowing examples, viz. — ' this here man^ ' that 
 there cow^ ' them there pies."" She at that time 
 used frequently to be herself found tripping; but 
 now the grammatical construction of her sen- 
 tences, by a certain caution which she imposed 
 upon herself, had assumed a more refined form. 
 So anxious was she to be thought well-bred, 
 that, as those v^^ho prove too much prove no- 
 thing, she was apt to overstrain her efforts. She 
 never asked any one ' to eat," but ' to partake ;' 
 nobody 'lived' in a place, they always 'resided :' 
 if she described a woman'*s dress, she was not 
 'dressed,' but 'attired.' Thus, from downright 
 coarseness, she had glided into a sort of bland 
 vulgarity ; and we must leave our narrative to 
 help her through her dilemmas without further 
 preliminary, — not without a hint that, like all 
 persons in her position in life, she laid a great 
 stress upon the redeeming properties of riches.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 17 
 
 and thought she might occasionally have a 
 right to clip the king'*s English, provided she 
 did not curtail his gold. 
 
 The AUnuttsin her estimation were what she 
 called very genteel, on account of that circum- 
 stance which she ever bore uppermost in her 
 mind — their being related to a nobleman ; 
 but as they were poor, she allowed herself 
 great latitude in their company, and permitted 
 Cheapside to float more upon the surface than 
 when she was under the high pressure of gen- 
 teel restraint. As for Abel, she looked upon 
 him as so entirely insignificant, that his presence 
 scarcely put her out of her way. On this oc- 
 casion, when she met him in her dining-room, 
 observing that he had been in ' her suite,'' as she 
 called her drawing-rooms, she said, " Those are 
 clever rooms, an't they, Mr. Allnutt ? We are 
 going to unpaper soon, because we are to have 
 company. You see we never sit there unless 
 we have company, because it would be a pity 
 to be spoiling of handsome furniture, which 
 nobody sees but ourselves. The silk of those 
 curtains cost fifteen shillings a yard ; the car-
 
 78 ABEL ALL^UTT. 
 
 pets are real Kidderminster ; and as for the 
 tables, all real rosewood, they were knocked 
 down to Mr. Goold Woodby at the auction 
 for more than anybody else would give, al- 
 though he was bidding against Lord Thorofield. 
 — I think you have seen them unpapered ?" 
 
 " Yes,'"' said Abel ; " I remember to have 
 seen them when you had the goodness to invite 
 us to your ball last year.'' 
 
 " So you did," said Mrs. Woodby. " Ah, 
 you recollect that ball, do you ? We are going 
 to have our house full now : there will be Lord 
 Demone and Lady Thomson, and several 
 others." 
 
 " Won't Edward Manby be here ?'''* inquired 
 her daughter with an anxious exclamation, to 
 which the mother paid no heed, but continued. 
 
 '« My girls want me to give another ball this 
 year, but I won't. — I tell you what, though — 
 which I '11 tell you as a secret — we are think- 
 ing of giving a fancy bazaar next spring or 
 summer, and then the girls may dance — a 
 thing all for charity's sake." 
 
 " That will be nice !" exclaimed Miss Wood-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 79 
 
 by, who till now had taken no notice of Abel : 
 " that 's a dear good mamma !" 
 
 Miss Woodby was a handsome person, of 
 bloom unrivalled, of well-poised stature, and 
 whose head was so overloaded with fair golden 
 hair, that not all the props of combs and velvet 
 ligatures could keep it in order. She had pretty 
 features, but no countenance : health spoke 
 through her brilliant skin and vermilion lips, 
 but she was Hebe without softness ; — a Hebe 
 who, if the gods had been addicted to malt li- 
 quors, would have been better fitted to pour out 
 beer than nectar. Miss Woodby was reckoned 
 one of the beauties of that part of the country, 
 althovigh her sister Ellen, who certainly had not 
 a quarter of her brilliancy, had more admirers. 
 We must leave their perfections to the gradual 
 development of our narrative, and in the mean 
 while must proceed with our luncheon. 
 
 Great indeed was the falling off from the 
 awe inspired by the massive lodges, the double 
 shields, the castellated mansion, and the general 
 exterior of grandeur, to the chill produced by 
 the fragments of food arrayed on the board
 
 80 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 which called itself luncheon. On a large 
 white earthenware dish edged with green paint 
 was displayed the elderly remains of a cold 
 leg of pork, which evidently had so frequent- 
 ly appeared on the same service, that there 
 was nothing more left thereof than about two 
 inches of importunate gristle which clung with 
 pertinacity to the well-scraped bone. A stale 
 half-eaten apple-tart, in a very remote corner of 
 which about a spoonful of apple had taken 
 refuge, was made to face the pork; whilst 
 under an indented block-tin cover, brought in 
 with great state, a small half-dozen of smoking 
 potatoes were discovered, by way of christening 
 the whole with the cheering epithet of a hot 
 meal. 
 
 At this juncture entered Mr. Woodby, rub- 
 bing his hands, looking hungry, and sparkling 
 with exultation at the result of his morning's 
 interview with Abel. " My dear," said he, 
 addressing his wife, " we must not starve our 
 guest after his walk ; we must have something 
 more." 
 
 All the answer he got was a knitting of the
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 81 
 
 brow from his wife, accompanied by a significant 
 shake of the head, as if to say, " This will do 
 very well for him." 
 
 Woodby appeared not to take the hint, but 
 continued — *' Let us broil the bone at least. 
 Allnutt, you are fond of a broiled bone, an't 
 you.?" 
 
 Abel said he was but a small eater at best, 
 and therefore hoped that nothing more might 
 be provided on his account. 
 
 Mrs. Woodby'^s face cheered up at these 
 words ; but her husband calling for wine, it 
 resumed all its look of moroseness. She curled 
 her features into every contortion which might 
 mean no, but without effect — he insisted 
 upon having wine until she was fairly obliged 
 to seek the keys of which she was ever the 
 faithful depositary, and then in her rage 
 fairly left the room, wondering and storming 
 within herself what could possess Mr. Woodby 
 to call for wine when there was nobody there 
 but Abel. 
 
 In the mean while Miss Woodby thought it 
 right to speak to Abel, of whom she made all the 
 
 E 5
 
 82 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 necessary inquiries concerning his sisters, heard 
 with delight of Miss Mary AUnutt's arrival, 
 (of whose beauty, let it be said, she was of 
 course jealous,) and then launched out on the 
 subject which much filled the minds of herself 
 and the neighbourhood — the anticipated fancy 
 bazaar in the spring, with the money of which 
 it was intended to build a new school-house. 
 Aunt Fanny was her particular friend among 
 the AUnutts, and she was in the habit of making 
 her a sort of confidant, — a recipient for all 
 her likes and dislikes — for all those retreats and 
 advances, those conceptions and misconceptions, 
 which are so apt to form the furniture of a 
 young lady's mind when it has not been tutored 
 and kept in order by sagacious parents. Aunt 
 Fanny, who was still happy to be thought a 
 bird of the same feather as this blooming girl, 
 was nothing loth to lend her ear to whatever 
 might be poured therein ; and thus was estab- 
 lished that sort of thing between them called 
 in young ladies' language, ' friendship.' 
 
 " I hope your sister Fanny," said Miss 
 Woodby, " is hard at work for us. Can you
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 8S 
 
 tell me what she has settled to work upon that 
 rug that she has in hand— a cow or a Turk? — 
 Tell her again from me that I am all for the 
 cow — I hate those nasty Turks with their 
 long beards — fa !'' 
 
 " I really don't know," said Abel ; " she is 
 always hard at work.'*'* 
 
 " You must set your niece at work for us 
 too," continued his fair companion. 
 
 '' What can she do ? Is she clever ? I hear 
 she is very clever. — Can she make screens ? 
 Can she make figures that dress and undress .^" 
 
 " What are you saying there, Anne ?''"' ex- 
 claimed her father as he caught her last words, 
 through the vigour of his mastications : " what 
 can you mean ?" 
 
 " La ! papa," answered his daughter, " I 'm 
 talking to Mr. Allnutt about our bazaar : I 
 said nothing improper, did I, Mr. Allnutt ? Do 
 you think Miss Mary could make us a pair of 
 such figures — one a man, the other a woman ? 
 You can't think how well they would sell; and 
 nothing of the like has been seen in this part 
 of the country yet."
 
 84 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 "I am not yet acquainted with the extent of 
 my niece'^s accomplishments," said Abel. " I 
 think I am certain that she draws flowers very 
 prettily ; but,'' added he innocently, " I am 
 not prepared to say whether she can make the 
 sort of figures you allude to." 
 
 " Do let her try," said Miss Woodby : " I 
 am sure she must know something new, since 
 she 's j ust arrived fresh from town ; for country 
 folks are in general so ignorant." 
 
 " I '11 mention the subject to her with the 
 greatest pleasure," said Abel, " and also will 
 deliver your message to my sister Fanny ;" and 
 he made a motion to depart, when at the same 
 moment the servant came in with the key, and, 
 with all the proper etiquettes due to the myste- 
 rious contents of a well-administered cellaret, 
 brought out two decanters, one containing 
 about an inch of port, and the other three 
 inches of sherry. 
 
 " Take a glass of wine before you go," said 
 Woodby to his guest, " and let us drink suc- 
 cess to Mexico." 
 
 " I never drink wine," said Abel ; " but
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. M 
 
 I '11 wish every success to Mexico notwith- 
 standing." 
 
 During the time that Woodby took to make 
 his libation, his daughter exhibited a second 
 display of her charitable zeal, by saying, " But 
 you, Mr. Allnutt — you can do something for 
 us, can't you ?" 
 
 " I fear I am really worth nothing to any- 
 body," said Abel with great humility. " Only 
 tell me what I can do, and I will do it to the 
 best of my ability. But, alas ! I have always 
 thought that I was one of those creatures who 
 are only born ' to look about them and to 
 die; " 
 
 " Could not you write a book for us, or any 
 such thing ?" said Anne. 
 
 " A book opens a large field, to be sure," 
 said Abel, smiling and shaking his head at the 
 same time. " What sort of book .?" 
 
 " Oh," said Miss Woodby, " anything. 
 Telemachus, Johnson's Dictionary, or Tom 
 Jones — anything will do." 
 
 " That would be anything indeed," exclaim- 
 ed Abel with great good humour ; when Wood-
 
 86 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 by, having finished his meal, arose, and as Abel 
 wished his fair daughter good morning, they 
 left the room together, and shortly after the 
 house. 
 
 Woodby was anxious to say a few parting 
 words to Abel upon the business which they 
 had previously settled, in order to instruct 
 him upon the mode of getting the proper 
 power of attorney made out, and also upon the 
 nature of the letter he was to write in forward- 
 ing that document to his bankers in London. 
 He therefore walked with him as far as his 
 new lodges, and on the road made the neces- 
 sary communications. When they had got 
 there, the consequential man, all at once lost 
 sight of the broker, and as if suddenly exalted 
 by the sight of his shields, like one who feels 
 proud at being allowed to stand in the same 
 room with a king, he made a full stop, and 
 whilst he threw his arms crossed over his breast, 
 he tossed his head up, and said : " Ah, I think 
 that will do very well. Je voudrai si je cou- 
 drai: just the thing — beats Lord Thorofield 
 hollow ! Stone has done the thing well ! Ah,
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 87 
 
 aurum qiiam bonum ! Capital ! This is hand- 
 some, Allnutt, is it not ?" 
 
 " Very handsome," said Allnutt in a hurried 
 manner, and added : " 1 11 now wish you good- 
 bye." 
 
 " Good-b'ye," said Woodby. '' You must 
 all come and dine with us soon, do you hear? 
 We will let you know. We shall have Lord 
 Demon e, and Lady Thomson, and some more. 
 You '11 be sure to come, and then I will show 
 you the original Goold coat of arms." 
 
 " Good-b'ye," said Abel; and fearful of more 
 explanations, he squeezed his hand and fled. 
 
 " Your servant," said Woodby.
 
 88 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 How ignorant some people may he of what everybody is sup- 
 ^ to knoiu I 
 
 Abel bent his steps homewards, his thoughts 
 full of the events of the morning. The fears 
 which he had entertained that this attempt to in- 
 crease their fortune would prove disastrous had 
 entirely vanished ; for Woodby*s conversation 
 had so confirmed his brother's views, that he could 
 no longer feel any apprehensions as to the result 
 of the transfer about to be made. His heart 
 was full of gratitude towards Woodby for the 
 readiness with which he had espoused the in- 
 terests of himself and his sisters, and more par- 
 ticularly for the great sacrifice which he was 
 convinced he had made of his own advantage 
 in order to secure theirs. He was ever apt to
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. m 
 
 look upon the bright side of things, and ready 
 to approve of, and like, every person with whom 
 he came into contact : he therefore glanced with 
 lenity at the instances of meanness and vanity 
 which he had remarked during his visit, and 
 would not allow himself to criticise with aspe- 
 rity what in the estimation of others more 
 versed in the ways of the world would have 
 been ridiculed and condemned without com- 
 punction. 
 
 When he met his sisters at dinner, his first 
 words were to extol the kindness and atten- 
 tions of the Woodbys ; and having done so, 
 he related in the fullest detail the success which 
 had attended his mission. 
 
 " Did not I tell you that you would suc- 
 ceed ?" said Aunt Barbara, taking the whole 
 merit of it to herself. " He was sure to talk 
 about the French Revolution, and then you 
 clinched him : was it not so ? I 'm sure I "'m 
 
 right." 
 
 " It was exactly so," said Abel : " he seemed 
 quite ready to meet my wishes, and espoused 
 our interests exactly as if they were his own."
 
 90 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " I always said Mr. Woodby was a good 
 man," said Barbara, " whatever people might 
 say about his pride, and his love of grandeur 
 and old families." 
 
 " I believe he is as good a creature as ever 
 lived," said Fanny. 
 
 " What a dear man he must be," said the 
 gentle Mary with great vivacity, *'for being 
 so kind to you, uncle Abel !" 
 
 "And what did Mrs. Woodby say.?" in- 
 quired Aunt Bab ; " did you talk to her about 
 our scheme.'^ I fear she will grudge us our 
 good fortune." 
 
 " No, I did not," said Abel ; " I only saw 
 her at luncheon. She talked to me principally 
 about the company she was shortly to have in 
 her house, and about unpapering her rooms." 
 
 " Who is she to have?" said Aunt Fanny : 
 " did she mention any names .?" 
 
 " I think she said — indeed I am certain she 
 mentioned Lady Thomson and Lord De — 
 
 Do Lord Somebody, I think she said, and 
 
 others." 
 
 "Who can he be?" said Fanny. "Let us
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 91 
 
 see. — Oh, I know ! — it must be Lord Demone ; 
 he is an Irishman — the Woodbys do nothing 
 but rave about him. Anne Woodby told me 
 that her parents wished her to marry him ; 
 but, la I he's old enough to be her father." 
 
 " And who is Lady Thomson ?" said Barbara. 
 
 *' What ! have you never heard of Lady 
 Thomson ?'' said Fanny ; " Mrs. Woodby's 
 Lady Thomson ? — why, she can think and talk 
 of nothing else. She is called a rich widow, 
 and is everything at Cheltenham — they call 
 her the Queen of Cheltenham — she can do 
 whatever she pleases with the Woodbys. I 
 have never seen her, but I hear that she is a 
 prodigious person, wearing such turbans and 
 possessing such shawls!" Then turning to 
 Abel, she inquired whether Edward Manby 
 was not to be of the party. 
 
 " I think Miss Woodby said something 
 about him," said Abel ; " but I did not pay 
 great attention." 
 
 " And who is Edward Manby ?" inquired 
 Mary in a timid accent. " I never heard his 
 name mentioned before."
 
 92 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 '* Oh, the Woodbys call him a charming 
 young man, and so handsome they say !" ex- 
 claimed Aunt Fanny with enthusiasm. " No- 
 body knows who or what he is ; but he is 
 somebody's nephew, that's certain, and he is 
 patronised by Mr. Woodby ; and, what's 
 more, I hear wears the most charming waist- 
 coats you ever saw. He is such a favour- 
 ite r 
 
 " He is young Woodby's friend, I believe," 
 said Aunt Bab. " He is said to be a very civil, 
 well-conditioned youth ; but, for my part, I am 
 always afraid of your mysterious youths — they 
 are always to be suspected.*" 
 
 '' Suspected ! — suspected of what !*" exclaim- 
 ed Mary with innocent warmth. " What can- 
 he have done ?" 
 
 " It does not matter," said Aunt Bab ; " but 
 I know I'm right — it stands to reason that 
 I 'm right." 
 
 In this manner did the two aunts, the uncle 
 and the niece, pass the evening ; sometimes 
 •chatting of their neighbours, at others of their 
 future prospects, and ever and anon wondering
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 93 
 
 what John was doing at that moment. They 
 were about retiring to their beds, when Aunt 
 Barbara all at once exclaimed, as if she had 
 forgotten something of importance, "But, 
 Abel, you have not told us yet by what 
 means we are to get our money transferred 
 from the English to the Mexican funds: do 
 tell us before we go to bed." 
 
 " As to that," said Abel, " it must be done 
 through Cruikshank the attorney." 
 
 " Through Cruikshank !" exclaimed Aunt 
 Fanny in amazement. 
 
 " And how can he do it .P"' said Aunt Bab. 
 
 " Through a power of attorney," said Abel : 
 that's the way to get it." 
 
 " Cruikshank ! a power of attorney !" again 
 exclaimed Fanny as she left the room and 
 went up to her bed. " Who would have 
 thought it .?" 
 
 " \^'ell, we shall see," said Aunt Bab, little 
 understanding the nature of the transaction. 
 " I suppose it 's all right. John must know 
 
 best ; but " Then, shaking her head, she 
 
 also went to bed, ruminating in her mind how
 
 94 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 such things were done, and still shaking her 
 head as she thought upon Cruikshank. 
 
 Abel gave his blessing to his niece as she 
 tripped up to her room, and the cottage was 
 soon after wrapt in the rest and quiet of 
 niffht. 
 
 It has occurred to us, and we doubt whether 
 it will not also have occurred to most of our 
 readers, to meet with instances of ignorance in 
 the commonest affairs of life among men and 
 women — but more particularly among women, 
 which might be said to amount to idiotism, 
 were it not certain that there is as great a 
 variety in the structure of minds as there is in 
 the composition of the features of faces. Aunt 
 Fanny was a striking illustration of this obser- 
 vation, as will be seen by what is immediately 
 about to follow ; although when it is taken into 
 consideration, that living a life of more seclu- 
 sion than falls to the lot of most modern ladies, 
 her ignorance might fairly be accounted for on 
 that ground alone. 
 
 She, who usually was the latest at breakfast, 
 was on the following morning the first to make
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 95 
 
 her appearance. Her mind seemed full of 
 some impelling thought which required to 
 expend itself by utterance. Therefore, as soon 
 as Aunt Barbara appeared, she exclaimed, 
 " Barbara, it never will do !" 
 
 " Do what ?'"' said Barbara. 
 
 "Why, Cruikshank — Cruikshank, to be 
 sure,"" rejoined Fanny. 
 
 "And what of Cruikshank ?" said Barbara. 
 
 " Surely you understand," said Fanny : "he 
 never will do."" 
 
 " He never will do what ?'' answered Aunt 
 Bab, looking all amazed. 
 
 " You are quite provoking !" said Fanny : 
 " I have been thinking of him all night, and 
 I am sure he never will do, — he is such a little 
 man." 
 
 " But what is he to do .?" said Barbara. 
 
 "You heard what Abel said as well as I 
 did," said Fanny : " he said our money was to 
 be got at by an attorney of power ; and you 
 can't surely say that little Cruikshank is the 
 man." 
 
 " An attorney of power !" exclaimed the
 
 96 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 astonished Barbara ; " Fanny ! what can you 
 
 mean 
 
 ?» 
 
 " Why, did not Abel say that an attorney 
 of power was to go to London to get at our 
 money, and to do what John said was to be 
 done with it, and that Cruikshank was the 
 man ? We surely ought to have a man of 
 more power than that little fellow. He never 
 will do ; — who would give our money to him ? 
 We ought to get some good, stout, handsome 
 man, to be sure, to do the business.'** 
 
 " You must be wrong, Fanny," said Bar- 
 bara, puzzled. " I don't think that Abel said 
 an attorney of power — I think he said a power 
 of attorney, whatever that may be; and I 
 should suppose that to be a different thing — 
 at least I think so, for does it not stand to 
 reason that they can't mean the same thing.'*" 
 
 " It must mean the same thing, though," said 
 Fanny, "for I turned the words over in my 
 mind all the night through a thousand times, 
 and I could come to no other conclusion than 
 that he meant a fine, handsome, strong man 
 — ^in short, an attorney of power."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 97 
 
 " It may be so,**"* said Barbara ; '' but I think 
 I 'm right when I say that I understood Abel 
 otherwise ; — but here he comes." 
 
 As soon as Abel entered the room, Fanny 
 was the first to cry out, " Now, Abel, did not 
 you say that our money was to be got by an 
 attorney of power ?" 
 
 " An attorney of power !" exclaimed Abel, 
 " what do you mean ?" 
 
 " I thought that I was right," said Aunt 
 Bab ; " I thought he said a power of attor- 
 ney." 
 
 "And so I did," said Abel. 
 
 " Then pray what has Cruikshank to do with 
 it ?" said Fanny. " I am sure you mentioned 
 his name." 
 
 " And so I did," said Abel ; " he is to make 
 it out." 
 
 " How can he make it out," rejoined Fanny ; 
 *•' such a poor, little, miserable thing as 
 he is, how can he make anything out like 
 power." 
 
 " My dear Fanny," said Abel, smiling, " I 
 am afraid that you got out of your bed this 
 
 VOL. I. P
 
 98 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 morning with your wrong leg foremost, for you 
 have strangely misunderstood this matter." 
 
 " Indeed !" said Fanny with some little mor- 
 tification in her tone and manner ; " it is not 
 strange if I have misunderstood it. You tell 
 us first that Cruikshank is to get our money 
 for us ; then that he is to be the power of at- 
 torney, or the attorney of power, just as you 
 please, but which appear to me to mean one 
 and the same thing ; and now you say that he 
 is to make it out. — Make what out, I should 
 like to know ?" 
 
 " Why, the power of attorney, to be sure,*" 
 said Abel. " A power of attorney is a piece of 
 paper, and not a man : when it is duly written 
 according to the prescribed forms, signed, 
 sealed and delivered, all of which was explained 
 to me by Mr. Woodby, it then empowers one 
 person to act for another. Cruikshank, being 
 an attorney, is to make this out — we shall sign 
 it ; it will then be sent to our bankers in Lon- 
 don, who will thus be empowered to act for us. 
 Now do you understand me ?" 
 
 " I said as much," said Barbara, looking
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 99 
 
 wise and significant. " Now I understand the 
 whole thing/' 
 
 " Then a power of attorney is a piece of 
 paper, and not a strong man," said Fanny with 
 a dogged and mortified look ; " well, I thought 
 otherwise." 
 
 "If it were a strong, handsome man," said 
 Abel with the greatest good-humour to his 
 sister, " then you were perfectly right in think- 
 ing that poor Cruikshank could be no candidate 
 for the office, nor do I much wonder at your 
 ignorance. To this day, since the death of our 
 dear father, never have we had the smallest oc- 
 casion to disturb the deposit which he left for 
 our maintenance. I was equally ignorant until 
 Mr. Woodby enlightened me on the subject. 
 And now the next thing to be done is, that I im- 
 mediately proceed to put his directions into 
 practice ; I will set Cruikshank to work this 
 very morning." 
 
 So much having been settled, Abel took his 
 way to the village, found the attorney, who 
 in truth was a little shrivelled old man, who 
 had made the wills of the neighbourhood for 
 
 F 2
 
 100 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 half a century, and esteemed the oracle on 
 matters both foreign and domestic by all the 
 simple-hearted peasantry : soon completed the 
 task to which he had been appointed. 
 
 The little community of Ivycote in the 
 mean while had received intelligence of John's 
 arrival at Liverpool, of the arrangements which 
 he had made previous to his embarkation, and 
 at length of his departure. His last letter was 
 full of promises to write upon every occasion — 
 full of sanguine anticipations of success in his 
 own schemes, and of hopes for an excellent re- 
 sult in the one which he had suggested to their 
 notice. Aunt Bab, who idolized her brother, 
 and, notwithstanding his many failures in mak- 
 ing a fortune, still had the highest idea of his 
 understanding, dwelt with admiration on every 
 word he wrote, and, when his letters were read 
 aloud, listened with breathless attention ; whilst 
 Fanny, equally affectionate, but less awake to 
 his schemes, was only animated when he describ- 
 ed men and manners. The tender Mary would 
 devour everything he wrote with an attention 
 that indicated how deeply she loved her parent ;
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 101 
 
 whilst Abel, without saying much, would listen, 
 and, as he listened, would speculate and draw his 
 own conclusions upon the subjects that were 
 brought before his mind, but never finished 
 without some benevolent ejaculation praying 
 for his brother''s health and prosperity. 
 
 The power of attorney was duly made out, 
 and, when presented by Cruikshank for signa- 
 ture, he was thanked as if he had conferred a 
 great family benefit ; when many an innocent 
 joke passed, as they surveyed his person, at 
 Aunt Fanny's mistake and aberration of imagi- 
 nation. The document was forwarded by the 
 post with due solemnity ; the hours were count- 
 ed when the answer and result would be re- 
 ceived ; and in the expectation of that event we 
 will for the present close this chapter.
 
 102 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 The results of shallow education upon frivolous minds. 
 Misses Anne and Ellen Goold Woodhy. 
 
 In due course of time an answer arrived 
 from the bankers in London, announcing the 
 completion of the transaction precisely in ac- 
 cordance with the orders which they had re- 
 ceived, by which the family of Ivycote, fulfil- 
 ling the prognostics made by John Allnutt, were 
 put into possession of a comfortable increase 
 of income. 
 
 In anticipation of this event, they had fre- 
 quently discussed among themselves the use to 
 which they would apply their additional re- 
 venue. Barbara insisted upon adding to their 
 domestic comforts — buying some necessary arti- 
 cles of furniture, renewing others, and, above 
 all, enlarging the measure of their hospitality.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 103 
 
 Abel had no ambition beyond that of extending 
 their charity and making themselves useful to 
 the poor ; whilst Fanny insisted, as a prelimi- 
 nary to further schemes, that honest Brown's 
 hat should be ornamented with a gold-lace 
 band, and, moreover, that two gold-laced but- 
 ton-holes should be added to the collar of his 
 livery-coat. We mention these circumstances, 
 as they will tend to illustrate the characters of 
 the three individuals here mentioned ; and we do 
 not include their niece, the retiring and un- 
 pretending Mary, because at this period of our 
 story she was too young and too little of a per- 
 sonage to be supposed to have any opinion of 
 her own. She naturally acquiesced in every- 
 thing that was proposed — obedience and do- 
 cility were the habits of her mind ; no cloud 
 was ever seen to cross her brow, and she seemed 
 only to exist in the love and approbation of 
 those who surrounded her. 
 
 They had been some time seated in council, 
 discussing the various subjects of interest in the 
 family brought on by their increase of fortune, 
 when the wheels of a carriage were heard ap-
 
 104 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 preaching the door, and soon Miss Woodby and 
 her sister Ellen made their appearance. After 
 the first greetings, Miss Woodby announced 
 that she had been sent by her papa and mam- 
 ma to invite the whole party to dinner at a 
 future day, which she named ; and, as an 
 incentive, added, that they would meet Lady 
 Thomson. In her estimation it was sufficient 
 to mention " Lady Thomson," and all was said. 
 At Belvedere Hall this personage was looked 
 upon as the beginning and the end of all gen- 
 tility ; and Miss Woodby expected that her 
 name would produce the same effect at Ivycote. 
 She hoped to have seen them all jump with 
 delight at the invitation, but was mortified to 
 find that it was received in solemn silence ; for 
 as such an event at Ivycote was rare, its first 
 effect was to produce a pause, and then a deli- 
 beration. Abel and Fanny looked to Barbara 
 for a decision, who, after a due quantity of ac- 
 knowledgments for the honour and the kind- 
 ness, and so forth, finding that she was properly 
 seconded, accepted it. 
 
 Miss Woodby, upon hearing this, expressed
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 105 
 
 herself very much pleased, and said she was 
 sure that they would be delighted to know 
 Lady Thomson, because nothing could be kind- 
 er than she was — and then she was a knight's 
 widow, and so very genteel ! She added, that 
 she saw the best company at Cheltenham, and 
 a good deal of it ; and then whispered to 
 her friend Fanny, " Would you believe it, 
 she is so very high bred, that she thinks no- 
 thing is half good enough for her ; and, more- 
 over, never will sit in the same room with a 
 tallow-candle !"'' 
 
 Finding that the visitors were likely to 
 make a long stay. Aunt Barbara left them to 
 busy herself in household affairs ; Abel re- 
 turned to his room, thus leaving F'anny to en- 
 tertain her young friends ; whilst Mary lingered 
 on to improve an acquaintance with Ellen, who 
 was about her own age. 
 
 As soon as Anne Woodby found herself re- 
 leased from the severer presence of Aunt Bar- 
 bara and the grave looks of Abel, she was car- 
 ried off at once by her usual high spirits, and 
 relieved herself by a burst of volubility. 
 
 F 5
 
 106 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Will there be no one else at Belvedere be- 
 sides Lady Thomson ?" enquired Fanny. 
 
 " Oh dear, yes/' said Anne, " she usually 
 brings several men with her. You have 
 heard of Lord Demone — I told you all about 
 him before ; — well he is one — is it not hor- 
 rible ? You see Lady Thomson is so very 
 genteel that she must have a lord with her ; 
 and she is so very fond of me, and is so 
 anxious that I should be genteel too, that she 
 is positively wild to marry me to this man. 
 Now, isn't it horrible ? he is old enough to 
 be my father, they say ; and then he is so 
 ugly, and dresses so much like a scrub — there 
 is no bearing it — I'm sure I won't for one. 
 Lady Thomson says that I am too fastidious ; 
 but I 'm sure I 'm right in being fastidious — Pa 
 always told me that I ought to be fastidious, 
 for that I'm to have a large fortune when I 
 marry, and I 'm sure it is quite right to be fas- 
 tidious. Now don't you think, Fanny, I 
 should be quite wrong not to be fastidious .^" 
 she said to her friend with a most beseeching 
 look.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 107 
 
 Aunt Fanny was about to answer this appeal 
 to her feelings and judgment, when, without 
 waiting the result. Miss Woodby continued to 
 disburthen her heart. — " Oh, I wish you had 
 been with us at Cheltenham this summer, you 
 would have had such fun. We were always 
 along with Lady Thomson ; and, as she was the 
 head of the society there, we did whatever we 
 liked. You ought to have seen how we were 
 followed about — I am sure I was called very 
 proud. I made it a rule always to turn my 
 back upon every man who was not regularly in- 
 troduced ; you can't think how I frumped 
 them." 
 
 Upon hearing this, Mary, whose ear had 
 caught this declaration, looked quite astonished, 
 and even distressed. 
 
 " Well," continued Anne, " and we never, at 
 home or abroad, walked, rode, sat, or lounged, 
 without being surrounded by officers: there were 
 some such nice ones — one such a love !" (Her 
 Mary blushed.) — "Oh! you ought to have 
 seen how we went on ; but I was so very proud. 
 Only think, one night at a ball at the rooms,
 
 108 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 which was given under the patronage of Lady 
 Thomson, I had such an adventure. We all 
 followed Lady Thomson, and entered the rooms, 
 quite a crowd of us, — quite a galaxy, as the 
 papers said. The master of the ceremonies came 
 up and asked to introduce Mr. Dolittle to me, 
 son of Messrs. Dolittle, the bankers of Chel- 
 tenham ; before I could say yea or nay, 
 there was my man close at hand, and he was 
 introduced. I had no choice left ; and, just as 
 he was coming up, the master of the ceremo- 
 nies had time to whisper behind his hand into 
 my ear, that he drove a phaeton and kept his 
 own hounds : so he asked me to dance, and I 
 said yes, quite thoughtlessly. Well, when it 
 was time to stand up, who should come up and 
 insist upon my dancing with him, but Captain 
 Swaggle, in full uniform. You know I could 
 not resist this; and when Mr. Dolittle came 
 to claim my hand, you ought to have seen what 
 a fuss there was. I believe they would have 
 fought on the spot, only the master of the cere- 
 monies interfered ; but Lady Thomson was very
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 109 
 
 angry with me, because she is so very high 
 bred she can't think of transgressing the rules 
 of the Cheltenham ball-room." 
 
 " Well, and what happened after that ?" in- 
 quired Aunt Fanny, whilst Mary looked all 
 aglxast with apprehension. 
 
 " Oh !" said Miss Woodby, " I was obliged 
 to make Mr. Dolittle an apology, — only think 
 of that ; and then, by way of making it up, I 
 was obliged to dance with him ; Jbut then he 
 became so very familiar, it was quite shocking, 
 for — would you believe it ? — he was impertinent 
 enough to snatch a rose from my hand, for we 
 all carried bouquets, and then he stuck it in 
 his button-hole ; but I was up to him, for, 
 when he was looking another way, I snatched 
 it from him in my turn, and strewed it in a 
 thousand bits on the floor. You ought to 
 have seen how he looked. He was quite 
 mortified, and then said, ' Oh ! Miss Woodby, 
 
 you are a dear little' such a word he said ! — 
 
 ' a dear little devil :' now wasn'*t that shocking ? 
 But I served him quite right, didn't I .'^ I
 
 110 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 know I am too fastidious perhaps ; but such a 
 man as Mr. Dolittle has no business to put 
 himself so forward, has he ?" 
 
 Miss Woodby delivered herself of the above 
 effusion with a volubility and an energy that 
 can only be compared to the impetus of a 
 train of fireworks ; her frequent stops to make 
 an interrogation acting like the pause which 
 takes place at the extinction of one wheel, be- 
 fore the ignition of a second. 
 
 Aunt Fanny, who in her day had figured at 
 country balls, had danced with captains, and 
 had gone through the probation of having 
 flowers snatched from her, and who still hoped, 
 that she was not utterly rejected by man, was 
 pleased to have her recollections revived by the 
 conversation of her young friend ; but Mary, 
 who to this time had been brought up by those 
 who were jealous even to a fault of the purity 
 of her mind, and who was as ignorant as 
 an infant of the ways of the world, — was 
 entirely confounded by what she heard fr^m 
 Miss Woodby. She at first attempted to 
 engage Ellen Woodby's attention by talking
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. Ill 
 
 to her upon the various subjects of work, 
 books, drawing, flowers, and dress ; but, find- 
 ing her wholly absorbed in what her sister 
 was saying, she was obliged to direct her at- 
 tention there also ; and as the various topics of 
 Cheltenham, Lady Thomson's supremacy, her 
 own fastidiousness, Mr. Dolittle's forwardness, 
 and Captain Swaggle's charms were discussed, 
 she evinced astonishment, some slight amuse- 
 ment tinctured with some share of disgust, and 
 looked upon her new acquaintances as crea- 
 tures of a new genus. And here, as a French 
 preacher once said, who had ventured to ad- 
 dress an English congregation in their own 
 tongue, * Having finished our three pints, we 
 will draw a little more-ale' — here we may re- 
 mark of what consequence it is, in order to pre- 
 serve the purity of youthful minds, that they 
 should never be permitted to hear any con- 
 versation of the nature which we have here 
 recorded, before their minds are so well pre- 
 pared by principle, that they would be able at 
 once to recognise wrong and right upon their 
 own perceptions. Let us ask what can be
 
 11^ ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 more enervating to the mind, — what more de- 
 structive of purity of thought and single-mind- 
 edness — than those frequent allusions to lax 
 and unrestrained conduct, implied in Miss 
 Woodby's words, between young people of 
 different sexes ? Mary had been brought up 
 in the abhorrence of everything bearing the 
 remotest affinity to levity, and in the love of 
 everything that encouraged virtue, and, new as 
 Miss Woodby's effusions were to her ears, she 
 instinctively settled in her own mind that she 
 could not have enjoyed the same advantages of 
 education as herself, and therefore charitably 
 made allowances for her misfortune. But had 
 any other young person, whose mind left 
 unprotected by principle, and open to the in- 
 trusion of frivolity, — had she been in Mary's 
 place, what might have been the consequence ? 
 Most probably she would have become dissatis- 
 fied with the tameness and seclusion of her life, 
 she would have longed for Cheltenham and 
 Lady Thomson, she would have burned with 
 impatience to make herself dear to Swaggle, 
 and been ardent with zeal to annihilate Dolit-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 113 
 
 tie. She would have dreamt of officers in full 
 uniform, of snatching and demolishing roses, 
 of the obsequiousness of masters of ceremonies, 
 of bankers driving phaetons, and of old lords 
 driven to despair. 
 
 Aunt Fanny, finding that her friend Anne 
 Woodby's effusions had only yet half com- 
 menced, and that in proportion as her patience 
 to hear became manifest, so the desire of the 
 other to communicate increased, prudently 
 withdrew into a further corner of the room, 
 for she had sense enough to perceive that the 
 conversation which had hitherto taken place 
 was not adapted to Mary's taste, and thus she 
 left her and Ellen Woodby together. 
 
 Mary therefore made another atternpt to draw 
 Ellen into conversation, who, on her part, hav- 
 ing hitherto been kept silent by the interest 
 which her sister's communications had created, 
 was nothing loth. Ellen who, according to the 
 received phrase, was not yet out, from not yet 
 having quite opened in the book of life the chap- 
 ter which explained its realities, was absorbed in 
 sentiment, and lived in the indulgence of that
 
 il4 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 species of poetry, peculiar to the imagina- 
 tion of young ladies, which is so apt to 
 turn young men into Edwins and themselves 
 into Emmas. There was a sentimental cast in 
 her countenance and manner: her hair was 
 parted flat over her brow, she sued paleness as 
 the first of blessings, and she had not yet made 
 up her mind whether she should look like a 
 madonna, a nun at her vigils, or the impas- 
 sioned Eloisa. 
 
 She very soon began to talk to Mary, and 
 the subject which was nearest her heart very 
 soon came to the surface on her lips. *' Do 
 you know Edward Manby ?*" she said with a 
 deep sigh, and wdth her eyelashes slightly 
 quivering over her pretty eyes. 
 
 " No," said Mary, " I have not that plea- 
 sure."' 
 
 " Ah, you may well call it pleasure," said 
 Ellen : " I do. Anne may talk of her Captain 
 Swaggle ; but I should like you to compare 
 him to Edward Manby. The one wears his 
 beautiful uniform, 'tis true, and moustaches ; 
 but the other, for all he will persist in dressing
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 115 
 
 like any common person, without either tuft 
 or moustaches, is so very handsome, that he 
 beats Captain Swaggle all to atoms. He has 
 beautiful auburn hair curling naturally to be- 
 gin with : and then such eyes ! you never saw 
 the like, they positively pierce you through and 
 through : his nose is a little aquiline — Anne says 
 it has a turn too much ; but I say it is perfect. 
 She says too that S waggle's teeth beat Edward's 
 out and out; but there she is wrong again, 
 for his are like pearls, and show so pretty 
 whenever he opens his mouth, whereas Swag- 
 gle's lips are always shut so tight that he 
 might have charcoal for teeth and no one 
 would be the wiser for it. Then he has such 
 a brow, he looks like a colonel of dragoons at 
 least — some say he looks quite as commanding 
 as Bonaparte, some like the royal family ; but 
 this I will say, that nobody can see him with- 
 out loving him. I always feel a sort of invo- 
 luntary tremor when he stands near me ; and 
 when he speaks, his voice thrills through and 
 through me, it is so very heart-rending. Now 
 isn't he nice ?"
 
 116 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " I dare say he is,'' said Mary, not know- 
 ing exactly what to say ; and, not willing to 
 extend the subject, she endeavoured to turn 
 it off by remarking, " Lady Thomson, too, ap- 
 pears to be very kind and amiable, from all 
 your sister says of her." 
 
 " Anne is her favourite, and she has a right 
 to praise her," said Ellen ; '' but I cannot like 
 her. She does all she can to keep Edward 
 Manby out of our house, because she is afraid 
 Anne will fall in love with him, and then she 
 would not marry that old lord she is always 
 carrying about with her ; but I can tell her 
 Edward is not the man she takes him to be. 
 Although he is poor — and why should he not .'* — 
 yet he is above pitiful pelf; he is humble and 
 unknown, yet he has all the pride of a mar- 
 quis. I should not be at all surprised if he 
 were a prince in disguise, although they say 
 that he is only the son of a poor officer and 
 the nephew of a brewer. You know that does 
 not signify, does it .?" 
 
 She made this inquiry with such real in-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 117 
 
 terest, as if her whole happiness depended upon 
 it, that IMary could not refrain from catching 
 some of her earnestness, and said, 
 
 " No, certainly ; a brewer's nephew, pro- 
 vided he be good, is just as much entitled to 
 one's esteem as any other man's nephew." 
 
 " Well, that is so good of you !" said Ellen, 
 squeezing her hand ; " that is what I always 
 say, although I have all the family against me. 
 I have inquired a great deal about brewers, 
 and from all I hear they are excellent men, 
 and, what 's more, members of parliament. Be- 
 sides, brewers'* rrephews may wear tufts and 
 moustaches, and chains, and smart sticks and 
 waistcoats, as well as other men ; now mayn't 
 they ?" 
 
 " I see no good reason against it," said Mary, 
 quite startled at the question. 
 
 " That is so very good of you !" repeated 
 Ellen, as if Mary had done her a particular 
 favour. " I think I might in time persuade 
 Edward Manby to wear them, for he is so very 
 good-natured you can't think ; he does every-
 
 118 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 thing to please everybody, and then, although 
 he has so little money allowed him he is always 
 buying us things, and gives all he has to any 
 poor creature that asks him. If you ever see 
 him, don't like him too much, Mary,'* said Ellen, 
 with a sort of playful emotion, showing how 
 deeply her affections were already engaged. " I 
 shall be jealous of you, do you know, if you 
 do." 
 
 *' There is no fear of that," said Mary with 
 a good-natured smile. 
 
 ''I am afraid that there is though," said 
 Ellen, " for everybody is sure to love him who 
 knows him ; there is one comfort, he is not to 
 be at Belvedere this time, owing to that odious 
 Lady Thomson, and so you can't love him 
 yet." 
 
 And so terminated the tete-a-tete ; for Miss 
 Woodby, having fairly exhausted herself in 
 her communications to Aunt Fanny, hastily 
 took her leave, declaring that she should be 
 too late to " take a ride" in the open carriage 
 with her mamma; and hinted that they were
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 119 
 
 to have their four horses out for the first time, 
 with the new Goold Woodby liveries, in order 
 to try how they would look before Lady Thom- 
 son came.
 
 120 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Country Simplicity. — ' Where ignorance is bliss/ Sfc. 
 
 The family of Ivycote had not quitted their 
 quiet and unpretending habitation for many a 
 long day upon an expedition such as the one 
 now set on foot by Miss Woodby's visit, and 
 therefore it became an event in which the 
 exertion of more than ordinary energies was 
 requisite. Occasionally one or two individuals 
 at a time might dine with the parish clergy- 
 man, or visit the farmer Flamborough of 
 the neighbourhood, or even the great squire, 
 such as Mr. Woodby might be ; but to 
 dine out en masse in this manner was un- 
 heard-of. Since the death of their father 
 and the ruin of their elder brother, they had
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 121 
 
 wisely kept the incognito as much as possible, 
 and refrained from the smallest approach to 
 display : but since the turn which their for- 
 tune had taken, and with the desire of giving 
 Mary a cliance of settling in the world, they 
 felt it right to relax. Accordingly, the first 
 step which the ladies of the family took, was to 
 make a survey of their respective wardrobes. 
 Aunt Barbara could not boast of many gowns ; 
 she had her every-day cotton and her Sunday 
 tabinet — the one having frequently shivered in 
 the breeze at the great family washes, and the 
 other slumbered on a peg behind the door 
 only to be called into action every seventh day. 
 She therefore was perplexed what to do, par- 
 ticularly when she reflected before whom she 
 was about to appear ; and at length, after as 
 many pros and cons as a chancellor of exche- 
 quer might make ere he settled the imposition 
 of a new tax, she determined upon the strong 
 measure of creating an entirely new gown, and 
 that, mirahile dictu, let it be properly announ- 
 ced, of silk. As for Aunt Fanny, she was much 
 better provided ; for, by that extraordinary 
 
 VOL. I. 6
 
 122 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 ingenuity which some women possess over 
 others, she managed almost daily to exhibit 
 herself in a different attire. At one time a 
 gown which was in the last stage of decrepi- 
 tude would all at once come out with renewed 
 youth, bristling with ribands and swelling with 
 mysterious bulbs : but on this occasion she was 
 at a nonplus, and as her heart also yearned for 
 something new, she likewise determined to ex- 
 hibit her taste and fancy in a new dress, whilst 
 it was decided that Mary was to look cheap 
 and lovely in white muslin. An expedition 
 to the nearest market- town was consequently 
 planned and forthwith executed ; whilst Abel, 
 contented with his long-tried and apparently 
 everlasting black trousers and silk stockings, 
 was happy to devote the hour of their absence 
 to his much-beloved flute. 
 
 The three ladies returned with their pony- 
 carriage laden with the purchases which they 
 had made, the sage Barbara depending upon 
 the solvency of the New World for the pay- 
 ment of this extra expense. Package after 
 package was handed out, to the astonishment
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 123 
 
 of old Betty, who had never seen such doings 
 since the days of the family grandeur, and 
 did not cease uttering her ' Well-a-day V and 
 'I never seed the like!' until everything 
 was safely landed in the hall. But these 
 ejaculations were nothing to those which fol- 
 lowed when the contents of the packages were 
 displayed before her. Barbara first dazzled 
 her eyes by a gray silk ; but when Fanny 
 opened the mysteries of her purchase, which 
 after much uncertainty of purpose she had 
 settled should be a cherry-coloured silk, the 
 enraptured old woman almost fainted with 
 delight. 
 
 Then succeeded the difficulties of 'making 
 up," to use the manteau-maker'*s jargon. It 
 was so long since a new gown had been manu- 
 factured in the family, and those that existed 
 being of obsolete fashion, it required that some 
 expedient should immediately be devised to 
 secure a specimen of the last mode. In the ad- 
 joining village there were no manteau-makers, 
 therefore in their dilemma they determined to 
 send to the Miss Woodbys to beg the loan of 
 
 g2
 
 124- ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 one of their gowns, which they supposed would 
 be of undoubted authority. This was soon 
 obligingly supplied, accompanied by a note 
 from Miss Wood by, who said, from Lady 
 Thomson's authority, " that tuckers were posi- 
 tively descending and skirts ascending, and 
 that therefore allowances should be made in 
 the cutting out.*" 
 
 As soon as the garment was exhibited, great 
 was the astonishment it created. Upon being 
 held up to view, after much scrutiny Aunt 
 Bab exclaimed : " But there must be some- 
 thing wanting yet. Surely this can't be all 
 the gown — it stands to reason, that something 
 more is wanting at the top ; why, it would not 
 cover my shoulders V They all agreed in this 
 remark ; and then, by way of ascertaining the 
 fact beyond a doubt, they pitched upon the 
 smiling Mary as their manikin, and requested 
 her forthwith to strip and put on Miss Woodby's 
 dress. This she did, accompanied by all the 
 retiring and bewitching modesty of her nature ; 
 and when she found herself deprived of the 
 covering to which she had been accustomed.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 125 
 
 she felt even in the presence of her aunts as if 
 the finger of insult and mockery was pointed 
 at her. We wish that those who daily go into 
 crowds openly and unblu shingly with their 
 persons presented to the gaze of whoever 
 chooses to look upon them, could have seen 
 this beautiful maiden as she stood thus ex- 
 posed, expressing in her abashed looks the 
 true feelings of modesty which nature has im- 
 planted in woman both for her protection and 
 to increase her attractions : they would have 
 received a lesson which would have taught 
 them how reprehensible is the prevailing fashion 
 of their dress. Let them be assured, that if it 
 be intended to secure the attention of man, 
 the object fails, for what is common is no 
 longer observed ; and that, be he libertine or 
 otherwise, far from admiring, he is the first to 
 deride and contemn. 
 
 " And so tuckers are descending !" said Aunt 
 Bab, as she turned poor Mary round and 
 round, looking at her with horror and astonish- 
 ment, her eyes being particularly attracted by 
 that portion of the gown which was drawn
 
 126 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 like an horizontal line across her beautiful 
 bust. — " Why, the woman must be run mad 
 to say so ! How much lower would she have 
 them go ?— What shall I do?" 
 
 Fanny, whose heart in truth went as much 
 with fashion as Whig or Tory goes with his 
 party, although she could not refrain from 
 siding with her sister in condemning what 
 she saw before her, endeavoured to come to a 
 compromise by saying, " You know we can 
 trim as high as we like." 
 
 " Trim !"" cried Bab, her anger increasing 
 with reflection — " trim to be sure ! — what can 
 Lady Thomson mean ? — trim indeed we will 
 with a vengeance! — Why, if we were all to 
 start from home in gowns like this — the very 
 dogs of the village would howl with astonish- 
 ment — it stands to reason that they would. 
 Besides, she says we must shorten our skirts. — 
 Why, if we lower our tuckers and shorten our 
 skirts, what becomes of the gown ? we may as 
 well leave it off altogether. The woman must 
 be mad — it stands to reason !"
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 127 
 
 Fanny attempted to soften her sister's wrath, 
 by reminding her of the power of fashion, 
 and how difficult it was to set one's face against 
 it ; but her words were of no avail, for Bab 
 avowed that if no one would set their face 
 against it, she for one would, and she would 
 let them know what it was to dress with be- 
 coming modesty and decorum. 
 
 The gowns were soon cut out, and the whole 
 of the female household being employed in 
 stitching and putting them together, — for they 
 worked as if it were a family concern of the 
 first moment, — the whole were ready to put on 
 even twenty-four hours before the eventful day 
 of the dinner. 
 
 On that morning the plan of operations 
 for the evening was settled by Aunt Barbara 
 herself, aided by the countenance of Abel. It 
 was arranged that he, putting his dress- shoes 
 in his pocket, should walk to Belvideer Hall, 
 and be ready to meet them at the door in 
 order that they might all enter the drawing- 
 room together; whilst the women should
 
 1^8 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 proceed in the pony-chaise, driven by honest 
 Brown in his new livery, which was to be 
 exhibited for the first time on the occasion. 
 
 Just as this had been settled, a note arrived 
 from Miss Woodby to Aunt Fanny, which 
 stated, " that Lady Thomson being very fond 
 of music, her mother begged it as a particular 
 favour that Miss Mary Allnutt would bring 
 her music-book with her, in order that she 
 might favour them with a song after dinner." 
 
 When Mary heard this, she almost sank into 
 the ground with apprehension ; for although 
 she had learned music and was as good a per* 
 former upon the pianoforte as most young 
 ladies, and although she had a sweet voice and 
 sang little unpretending songs and ballads when 
 she was alone, yet she had never exhibited 
 herself to more than her father, her uncle, and 
 aunts in her life ; and therefore to sing before 
 Lady Thomson, the head of the society at 
 Cheltenham, and a ' lord,' and all the Woodbys, 
 and she could not say who besides, appeared to 
 her an undertaking so appalling in its circum- 
 stances, and in her so presumptuous, that
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 159 
 
 although she was ever ready to attend to 
 every one's wishes, yet on this occasion she 
 entreated and begged that she might be ex- 
 cused. Aunt Bab and Uncle Abel were both 
 well inclined to accede to her wishes ; but 
 Aunt Fanny, who had a secret hope that 
 she herself might be called upon to raise her 
 voice for the amusement of the company, — 
 for she in her day had had a voice, and had 
 sung and heard * brava !' and ' excellent !"* 
 whispered into her ear, — insisted upon Mary'*s 
 acceding to Miss Woodby's request, and, by 
 way of encouragement, said that she would 
 accompany her. Poor Mary, seeing how much 
 in earnest her aunt was in her wishes, busied 
 herself to select the songs she could best sing ; 
 and whilst she was so doing. Aunt Fanny also 
 slipped in an old book containing some of her 
 own obsolete songs, in case she might have 
 a fitting opportunity to exhibit her powers. 
 
 At length the morning of the eventful day 
 arrived, and the hour for dressing soon fol- 
 lowed. We will pass over all the bustle and 
 anxiety, and gently glide over the numerous 
 
 6 5
 
 1^0 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 difficulties which the reader may easily sup- 
 pose took place on this occasion i in order to 
 arrive at the grand result ; and we will describe 
 the appearance of the ladies seriatim as, rustling 
 with unusual sounds from their dressing-rooms, 
 they one by one disgorged from the narrow 
 staircase and stood erect in the parlour. 
 
 Aunt Barbara, first, arrayed in her new 
 gray gown, stood looking around her above 
 and below as if she had been metamorphosed 
 into some new being ; and truly nobody who 
 had seen her in the morning could well have 
 taken her for the same person. She had indeed 
 kept her word, and had carefully abstained 
 from cutting out her gown according to Miss 
 Woodby's pattern. Her neck and shoulders 
 were comfortably covered : she had so success- 
 fully trimmed up to her very throat, that she 
 might not unaptly be compared to one of those 
 larger owls which, furred and ruffled up to the 
 eyes, are sometimes pleased to look out of an 
 ivy-bush. Then her sleeves, so large and 
 ample in Miss Woodby's gown, she had pared 
 away to answer very much in shape to a pair
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 131 
 
 of moderate-sized bellows ; and as compared to 
 the modern forms of ladies, (for she despised 
 all artificial redundancies of person,) she look- 
 ed like a tree that had just been pollarded, or 
 like something cut to the quick. But with 
 all this she wore an appearance of great respec- 
 tability ; and however strange it might appear 
 to our eyes now, we would uphold her dress in 
 preference to that of many a lady of fifty, who 
 exhibits her decayed person to every glancing 
 eye, and runs the chance of being made ill rather 
 than forego the charm of being in the fashion. 
 
 But when Aunt Fanny made her appearance, 
 it was quite with a different air. She could 
 not resist the fascinations of a fashionable gown ; 
 and although she had not in fact listened to 
 Lady Thomson's doctrine of lowering her 
 tucker, yet she had shortened her skirts ; and 
 there she stood with her country-made shoes, 
 exhibiting her feet, never naturally too small, 
 looking like one uncertain whether she had 
 done right or wrong. Her whole look and 
 manner too were changed since the morning : 
 living in a state of illusion concerning her real
 
 13J2 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 age, still thinking herself entitled to stand in 
 the ranks of youth, she had matched her 
 ribands to her imagination, and not to her 
 complexion ; by which means she produced a 
 failure in general effect, like the painter who, 
 called upon to restore a decayed landscape re- 
 presenting an autumnal scene, makes use of 
 colours only adapted to the freshness of spring. 
 The cherry-coloured silk matched ill with a 
 complexion no longer the delight of the lily 
 or the rose: it rose in judgment against 
 naked arms and a bare neck, and seemed to 
 enjoy a secret triumph in putting into con- 
 fusion the ambition of approaching age, which 
 was making this expiring effort for supremacy. 
 In arraying herself in her new attire, she seemed 
 to have thrown off her usual apathy of manner : 
 all at once she assumed a youthful and lively 
 air and manner, and tripped about in unceasing 
 activity as if to acquire practice in the manage- 
 ment of her feet in their new and exposed 
 position. 
 
 Mary came down dressed with a degree of 
 beauty and propriety which was astonishing
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 133 
 
 considering that this might be called her 
 first appearance in society, which proves that 
 good sense, wherever it exists, will preside 
 over every action, whether in the greater or 
 in the smaller concerns of life. Her hair was 
 gracefully and simply arranged, ornamented by 
 a single flower placed precisely where it ought 
 to be. Her dress, which was neither fashioned 
 by the hand of prudery nor that of extravagant 
 display, was so beautifully made, that while it 
 sufficiently pourtrayed the grace of her form, it 
 still retained every restraint of propriety, and 
 made it impossible for criticism to find fault. 
 Altogether, nothing could be more worthy of 
 admiration than her whole appearance. 
 
 All being ready, properly secured by cloaks 
 and bonnets, they ascended their chaise, and 
 honest Brown then drove off with the dignity 
 of a duke's body coachman ; whilst old Betty, 
 together with another, her companion in the 
 kitchen, who had attended at the door to see 
 them off, persisted in looking at them until 
 they turned the corner of the lane and were 
 fairly out of sight.
 
 134 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Well, I declare !'' said old Betty ; " how 
 charming they all looked ! — how handsome was 
 * mississ !' " (so they called Aunt Bab) — " how 
 sweet was Miss Mary !" 
 
 "Ah, I liked Miss Fanny best," said the 
 other ; " she was so fine !" 
 
 " Yes," said old Betty ; " she was fine, 'tis 
 true : but then 'twas a pity she was so lively — 
 with such large feet too !"
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 135 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Lady Thomson, the Queen of Cheltenham. The effect of 
 her presence in village life. 
 
 Ever since the day of AbePs visit to Belve- 
 dere Mrs. Goold Wood by had been in a state 
 of unceasing activity to prepare the house for 
 the reception of Lady Thomson. The draw- 
 ing-room furniture was uncovered, the state 
 bed-room aired, all the best china and glass 
 were brought to light, and everything done 
 to denote the reception of a person of the first 
 quality. The fact is, Mrs. Goold Woodby 
 was ambitious of exhibiting herself in the very 
 best colours to her friend, who had great re- 
 putation for taste and knowledge in the art 
 of living, and who had made herself so much
 
 136 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 feared by the tyranny which she exercised 
 wherever she went, that in every arrangement, 
 be it in the ordering of a dish or the distribu- 
 tion of furniture, or in dress, or in the choice 
 of servants, Mrs. Woodby's universal text was, 
 " What will Lady Thomson think ?" In illus- 
 tration of this, we must say that she had given 
 orders that all the men-servants down to the 
 gardener were to be ready in attendance in the 
 hall, duly dressed and powdered, to appear 
 as soon as Lady Thomson should drive up, to 
 form a lane for her to walk through, which as 
 she had been told, was performed in the houses 
 of the great. The moment was now fast ap- 
 proaching for her ladyship's arrival ; the but- 
 ler, the under-butler, the two footmen, the 
 coachman, the groom, the gardener — all were 
 there powdered, (all except the gardener,) 
 stiff in their new liveries, gorgeous in worsted 
 and plush, and bristling with batteries of the 
 largest double-crested buttons that had ever 
 been made. When Mrs. Woodby, as agitated 
 as any stage-manager upon a first night, came 
 to inspect them, she observed that the gardener
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 13T 
 
 had not powdered his head, and inquired the 
 reason why. The good man endeavoured to 
 excuse himself by saying that gardeners never 
 powdered ; but when he was pressed narrowly 
 to explain what had become of the flour which 
 he had received for the purpose, he was obliged 
 to confess that his wife had made it into a 
 pudding, and that he had in a moment of 
 temptation devoted that to his belly which 
 had been intended for his head. We will sup- 
 press, for the honour of the sex, the feelings of 
 anger that rose in her breast, and the form of 
 words in which they were expressed; but just 
 as she had ordered the culprit away to the 
 flour-tub, the teeming equipage was perceived 
 in the distance making the best of its way to 
 the door, and all was hushed into order in 
 expectation of the eventful moment. Mrs. 
 Woodby retreated to the drawing-room for 
 the purpose of receiving her guest with be- 
 coming dignity, her heart beating with a thou- 
 sand difl*erent feelings, and seated herself upon 
 the corner of a sofa, so prodigiously new and 
 glossy that she thought herself committing
 
 IS8 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 an act of sacrilege in making a print of her 
 person upon it. But before she did this, she 
 loudly called to her daughters to appear, ex- 
 claiming, " Anne — Ellen, come down immedi- 
 ately ! Here is Lady Thomson coming ; and if 
 you are not here to receive her, what will she 
 think ?" 
 
 She scarcely had time to regain her 
 breathing after this effort, before in walked 
 Lady Thomson herself, in all the pomp and 
 circumstance of travelling-dress, furred and 
 velveted at all points, properly hung about 
 with chains and brooches, lap-dog under the 
 arm, and a lady companion bringing up the 
 rear. Perhaps the reader may at once recog- 
 nise the sort of personage we mean to intro- 
 duce to his acquaintance ; if he should not, then 
 we will assert that she was as fine a specimen 
 of the genus maitresse femme as might be seen : 
 loud and free of speech, bluff in her deport- 
 ment, exacting attentions, heedless of giving 
 trouble, careless of giving offence, addicted to 
 violent wrenching of the hand, and to pat- 
 ting on the shoulder by way of protection,
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 139 
 
 and a thorough mistress of egotism in all its 
 branches. 
 
 She walked in with her hands extended; 
 and inflicting a kiss on both Mrs. Woodby's 
 cheeks, she exclaimed, " Well, my dear Wood- 
 by, here I am at last ! I thought we should 
 never get here." Then turning to her follower, 
 she said, " Let me introduce Miss Swallow ;'^ 
 then, unmindful of her friend, she said to the 
 said follower, " Here, Swallow, take the dog; 
 you had better see it washed and combed, and 
 get it a chicken, for it 's dying of hunger." 
 Then turning to her friend again, she said as 
 she looked about her, " This is a charming 
 room ;" and looking at the furniture, added, 
 '' and what very handsome silk !" 
 
 " I 'm glad you like it — I was sure you 
 would,'' said Mrs. Woodby; "it cost us fif- 
 teen shillings a yard, and is quite new." 
 
 " New ! to be sure it is,'' said Lady Thom- 
 son ; '-' but why is it new — don't you always 
 sit in this room ?" 
 
 " No, never except we have company," said 
 Mrs. Woodby, quite exulting.
 
 140 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " There you 're wrong, Woodby," said her 
 friend ; " it 's quite vulgar not to sit in your 
 best room ; — nothing so vulgar as a new thing, 
 and particularly new furniture. I do believe 
 vou never sat upon this sofa before !" Upon 
 which she bestowed herself upon its soft cush- 
 ions with a considerable concussion, and then 
 looked about her with so criticising an eye that 
 it made poor Mrs. Woodby wince with appre- 
 hension. 
 
 " Now, what are all those chairs doing 
 against the wall," she continued, " like so many 
 raw recruits in a row ? They ought to be spread 
 about the room to sit in, to be sure. Then you 
 ought to group your tables, — not one great 
 round thing in the middle, like a room in an 
 inn. And where are your books, your draw- 
 ings, your albums ? You look for all the 
 world now as if you had dropped from the skies, 
 like Eve in paradise ! Then those glass things — 
 what do you call them ? — upon the chimney- 
 piece — they won't do, indeed they won't ; such 
 trash is quite out. You must have old vases 
 or some of the fashionable crooked candle-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 141 
 
 Sticks : I "11 sell you mine a bargain."'' Then 
 jumping up as if she were inspired, she flew 
 about the room, and pulling the chairs from 
 their places, the tables from their corners, she 
 managed to bring them all in a cluster into 
 the middle, and produced so utter a confusion, 
 that, notwithstanding her love of Lady Thom- 
 son and her desire to be in the fashion, Mrs. 
 Woodby fairly stood aghast at this destruction 
 of what from her earliest youth she had always 
 been taught to esteem as the height of gen- 
 tility. 
 
 " There, that 's the sort of thing," said Lady 
 Thomson ; "none of your stiffness — everything 
 must be free and easy."" 
 
 ** Free and easy with a vengeance !" exclaim- 
 ed Mrs. Woodby between her teeth, and 
 scarcely recovering from the shock which her 
 old prejudices had received. 
 
 ** But where is Anne — where is Ellen," said 
 Lady Thomson, " and Mr. Woodby ? Do they 
 know that I am come ?" 
 
 " I '11 call them," said her friend ; and she 
 was just about to ring the bell, when in rushed
 
 14)2 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Anne, followed by her sister, dressed in the 
 smartest of morning dresses, and looking quite 
 the pictures of rude health and vulgar satisfac- 
 tion. 
 
 " My dear Anne," said Lady Thomson be- 
 fore she kissed her, and looking straight into 
 her face with a scrutinising air, '* what do I see 
 on your nose ? That must not be : have you 
 no sticking-plaister ? If you are intended to be 
 seen, let us have none of this : you know Lord 
 Demone is to be here to-morrow. — And Ellen 
 too, — my dear, why do you flatten your hair 
 down in that fashion over your forehead ? If 
 you had a Pasta face, I would say nothing : 
 but ringlets always go with dimples; mind, 
 that 's the rule." 
 
 " I thought," said Mrs. Woodby, some- 
 what recovered from her late shock, " that 
 Lord Demone was to have come with you. 
 We are all ready for him : his sheets are well 
 aired, and so is his bed." 
 
 " I thought it right," said Lady Thomson 
 in a tone of dignity and somewhat of mys- 
 tery, " not to travel in the same carriage with
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 143 
 
 Lord Demone : it is a duty I owe to myself 
 not to travel with him. He will be here 
 to-morrow." 
 
 Everybody has some sort of rule by which 
 they pretend to shape their conduct in life. 
 Lady Thomson's universal dictum for every- 
 thing she did was given in the following form 
 of words : — 'I owe it to myself — or ' it is a 
 duty which I owe to myself — or 'in jus- 
 tice to my own self,"*^ — thus raising a debt 
 which, in her prodigality of duty, she was 
 heaping upon her own head ; but at the same 
 time, like a wise financier, creating a sinking- 
 fund of self-will, which enabled her to clear 
 the debt whenever she pleased. In the present 
 instance, the application of this rule of conduct 
 happened to be well adapted to existing cir- 
 cumstances, inasmuch as the lady was about 
 forty-five, and the gentleman above fifty years 
 of age ; but it also was a principle which she ap- 
 plied as a vindication of every folly, and of every 
 act of egotism. As an instance both of her 
 egotism, and of the application of her rule, we 
 will state that she had not sat long with her
 
 144 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 friends ere she informed them that, in addition 
 to Lord Demone, she had invited another of 
 her friends to Belvedere besides Miss Swallow, 
 her companion, whose presence had not been 
 contemplated — one, be it said, of those many 
 idle and insignificant danglers whom it was 
 pleasant to her vanity to have appended to her 
 suite, and of whose arrival up to this moment 
 she had not given the smallest intimation. 
 Mrs. Woodby was rather startled at this piece 
 of intelligence, and began to show evident 
 symptoms of that sort of infirmity called ' the 
 fidgets,"* which is common to anxious house- 
 keepers. " I wish you had told me of this 
 before," said Mrs. Woodby, " for then I might 
 have given him the blue room : pray who may 
 he be ?^' 
 
 " My dear," said Lady Thomson, nothing 
 abashed at the inconvenience which she had 
 evidently occasioned, " it is a duty I owe to 
 myself, go where I will, to see the best society : 
 I always do it — I lay it down as a rule. Mr. 
 Simpleton Sharp is the gentleman I have in- 
 vited : he is a particular friend of Lord De-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 145 
 
 mone, and indeed he never goes anywhere 
 without him ; he is very much the fashion, and 
 is quite indispensable in every genteel thing — 
 at Cheltenham. I am sure you will like him — 
 everybody likes him : he plays better at whist 
 than most people, and is first cousin to the 
 great Mr. Simpleton of Yorkshire." 
 
 After this eulogium, of course Mrs. and the 
 Miss Woodbys could not be otherwise than 
 highly impatient to become acquainted with 
 so accomplished a person and make so desir- 
 able an acquaintance ; and as both he and 
 Lord Demone are soon to be brought more 
 intimately to the reader's notice, we must say 
 a few words concerning them by way of intro- 
 duction. 
 
 Lord Demone was an Irish peer, the owner 
 of an ancient castle situated in one of the 
 most peaceable counties of Ireland, in which 
 almost every place begins with the syllable 
 Kil, surrounded by a park which once had 
 been flourishing, but which, alas ! was so no 
 more ; for his revenues, which once had also 
 been flourishing, alas ! also, were so no more. 
 
 VOL. I. H
 
 146 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 His object was to increase them by marriage ; 
 and having found in Lady Thomson a person 
 willing to further this scheme, he attached 
 himself to her during a season at Cheltenham, 
 and fixed upon Anne Woodby as his victim. 
 He had been a sensualist, commonly call- 
 ed a bon viva7it, all his life ; had ever shown 
 himself the most generous and liberal of 
 men by refusing himself nothing ; and was 
 everywhere received with open arms, because 
 he w^as a wit, and one who excited laugh- 
 ter. In age he was past fifty ; his person was 
 without attraction, for he was rather sloven- 
 ly in his dress, and totally divested of any 
 of the pretensions of a coxcomb. He had a 
 keen eye, and his smile, which never conde- 
 scended to break into laughter, expressed much 
 of the comicality of a wag, mixed up with a 
 sufficient quantum of the bitterness of satire. 
 
 Mr. Simpleton Sharp, on the other hand, 
 was quite a different person. He was young, 
 had round red cheeks and a white forehead ; 
 plump in his person; dressed with the most
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 147 
 
 studied precision ; and exhibited in his man- 
 ner such vivid self-approbation, that every 
 one who approached him longed to slap his 
 face. His unmeaning countenance was a true 
 index of his mind, which never generated an 
 idea of its own, but, Uke the boa after a meal, 
 would ruminate long and sluggishly upon the 
 good things that he had taken in, and then af- 
 ter a lengthened digestion turn them to his own 
 advantage. His ambition was to be thought 
 a wit, and he had attached himself to Lord 
 Demone with a view of catching by reflection 
 some of the brightness that surrounded him, 
 aping his mode of speech and repeating his 
 stories, and occasionally becoming the butt at 
 which the wit levelled his shafts. Lord De- 
 mone's manner was irresistibly comic, and his 
 face was always curling up into incipient mirth, 
 like the cover of a pot, which, just lifted up by 
 the steam from the boiling liquid, discovers that 
 there are good things within ; whilst Simpleton 
 Sharp looked like one who is ever on the point 
 of bringing forth a good thing without actually 
 
 h2
 
 148 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 being known to have a safe delivery, or as a 
 man about to sneeze who stops short with an 
 unrealised spasm. 
 
 The day of their arrival was the one pitched 
 upon for the dinner to which the Allnutts had 
 been invited, and great was the stir produced 
 in the house in consequence of this event. 
 Lord and Lady Thorofield, the grandees of the 
 neighbourhood, for the first time were ex- 
 pected, besides others of distinction in the 
 county, and nothing was left undone to make 
 Lady Thomson and her friend pleased with 
 their reception. The servants at an early hour 
 thronged the passages to the dining-room, run- 
 ning against each other in the eagerness of 
 preparation, and, unpractised in their vocation, 
 ' spoilt more than they mended.' The din 
 in the kitchen was great, and portended a 
 result of singular production. Mrs. Woodby 
 during the progress of the operations would 
 every now and then steal down to those re- 
 gions of roasting and boiling, and hold mys- 
 terious conferences with the cook : whilst Mr.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 149 
 
 Woodby busied himself in the cellar. The 
 young ladies meanwhile were in constant com- 
 munication with their wardrobe and their 
 maid, devising the most effectual mode of 
 setting off their persons, of fascinating their 
 male guests, and of conciliating Lady Thom- 
 son.
 
 150 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 One of the best standards for good breeding is the common 
 process of eating and drinking. 
 
 We believe that no people in the world are 
 more afflicted with shyness than the EngUsh. 
 Whatever may be the cause, — whether it be 
 from nervous apprehension, or pride, or from 
 any other reason, — true it is that its effects are 
 most inconvenient. Some it apparently places 
 in hostility with their fellows, at one time caus- 
 ing them to shun their presence as if they fled 
 from the plague, at another to meet them witli 
 trembling and perturbation. Others, casting a 
 veil over the finest qualities of the heart and 
 understanding, it makes appear like fools 
 and idiots, and they commit acts that belong
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 151 
 
 only to fatuity ; whilst others again, who yield 
 in despair to its influence, it leads to put on 
 the face of boldness and effrontery, the mind 
 being so disturbed by its infirmity that it to- 
 tally for the moment destroys the real cha- 
 racter and exhibits one entirely artificial. 
 
 The Allnutts were all, more or less, consti- 
 tutionally shy ; and their seclusion from society 
 had given them no habits of controlling their 
 emotions. A charitable observer would have 
 remarked, that in the midst of their awkward- 
 ness they possessed the foundation of the most 
 polished manners, — namely, the greatest benig- 
 nity of mind, a disposition to think well of all 
 people, and a total absence of selfishness ; but in 
 the circle to which they were going, it will be 
 seen that their simplicity was laughed at and 
 their good qualities overlooked. 
 
 The carriage, driven by honest Brown, just 
 drove up to the door of Belvedere Hall as Abel, 
 in the face of an assembled row of servants, 
 was puzzling and shuffling over the simple 
 operation of taking off his dirty shoes and put- 
 ting on his dress-ones ; and when, hot and per-
 
 152 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 plexed by the exertion, he looked up and be- 
 held his sisters, he was relieved and overjoyed. 
 They soon joined him, and then with silent 
 trepidation prepared themselves to encounter 
 the first awful entrance into the drawing-room. 
 Aunt Bab smoothed herself down, assumed an 
 air of resolution, and taking Abel's arm, headed 
 the column : Aunt Fanny, giving a twist to her 
 curls, threw a glance over her tucker, and a 
 look to her feet, and then received under her arm 
 the hand of the timid Mary, who would willing- 
 ly have retreated from the ordeal to which she 
 felt that they were about to be exposed. The 
 doors were thrown wide open : with their eyes 
 suffused with agitation and their senses almost 
 in abeyance they entered into the splendid 
 apartment, where, lo ! like a ship turning at 
 once from a ruffled sea into a calm ba}^, their 
 fears and apprehensions were quieted as if by 
 magic, for no one was there — the place was 
 untenanted, and instead of the visions of new 
 and unknown faces which they were about to 
 encounter, they merely saw the place '' where
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 153 
 
 the pasty was not." They had in fact, arrived 
 half an hour before their time. 
 
 This reprieve immediately restored them to 
 their self-possession, and still scarcely ventur- 
 ing to speak louder than in a whisper, they eyed 
 with admiration the magnificence of the room 
 and the beauty of the furniture. They had 
 sat there some time, when in walked one whom 
 we have already described as Mr. Simpleton 
 Sharp, who taking Aunt Bab for Mrs. Goold 
 Woodby, (not having yet been presented to 
 his hostess,) stepped up to her rather with a 
 protecting air, though still with a most urbane 
 manner, said, " How much he was obliged to 
 Lady Thomson for having been the means 
 of affording him the pleasure of making her 
 acquaintance." 
 
 Aunt Bab, who was not prepared for this, and 
 not exactly seeing the mistake, speaking in the 
 name of the family, said, "We have not the 
 honour of knowing Lady Thomson yet — we 
 are just arrived."" 
 
 " I beg you a thousand pardons," said the 
 
 h5
 
 154 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 other ; " I took you for Mrs. Goold Woodby. 
 I hope that I have given no offence." 
 
 *' Our name is AUnutt," said Bab: " there 
 can be no offence where none is meant."" 
 
 " Ah, Allnutt — Woodby, — ha, very good — 
 very rural," said Simpleton Sharp with his 
 mouth wide open, endeavouring to combine 
 something in his shallow intellect which might 
 pass for wit ; but nothing obeyed his call save 
 certain abortive hums and hahs, until Mr. and 
 Mrs. Goold Woodby together entered the room. 
 They looked both hot and contentious, for they 
 had in truth scarcely recovered from a very vi- 
 vacious argument which they had just held re- 
 specting the right of precedence between Lady 
 Thomson and Lady Thorofield. Mrs. Woodby, 
 being but indifferently versed in court matters, 
 contended for her friend Lady Thomson, whom 
 she invoked as the first lady at Cheltenham, 
 and one who was looked up to as the first of 
 her sex ; whilst Mr. Woodby in vain asserted 
 that Lady Thorofield was a peeress of the 
 realm, and that she had as much right to walk
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 155 
 
 out of a room first as a bishop has to make 
 his exit before a dean. 
 
 As soon as they had properly greeted their 
 guests and made acquaintance with Mr. Sim- 
 pleton Sharp, their argument was renewed, both 
 endeavouring to secure an authority for their 
 respective opinions. Simpleton Sharp, who was 
 conversant in such like discussions, of course at 
 once decided the controversy in favour of Mr. 
 Woodby ; but Mrs. Woodby still persevered 
 in endeavouring to procure the approbation of 
 her own sex. " I should like to know," she 
 exclaimed in the height of her enthusiasm for 
 her friend, — " I should like to know who Lady 
 Thorofield was ? Why, isn't she the daughter 
 of old Grimes, the former lord's agent, whose 
 wife was a Tapps,— one of the Tappses of the 
 Hare and Hounds on the London Road, and 
 one of a family, if people speak truth, the son 
 of whom was transported for poaching. I 
 should like to know why she should be better 
 than Lady Thomson ?" 
 
 She was cut short in her argument by the 
 appearance of Lady Thomson herself, who
 
 156 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 came sweeping in, in all the dignity of a velvet 
 gown and a cap of no ordinary dimensions. 
 The proper introductions immediately ensued ; 
 and as Mrs. Woodby had already duly apprised 
 Lady Thomson that the Allnutts were relat- 
 ed to Lord Knutsford, and as Lady Thomson 
 felt unbounded respect for everything that had 
 the most distant reference to nobility, she 
 did not fail to pay them marked attention ; 
 although in glancing her eye over their dress 
 and appearance, she could not refrain from 
 drawing conclusions upon that head which the 
 worldly and vulgar-minded are too apt to do. 
 The well-clothed neck and throat of Aunt 
 Barbara attracted her attention as much as the 
 bright cherry-coloured silk of Aunt Fanny's 
 gown, which shone throughout the assembled 
 group as bright as the blaze of a blacksmith's 
 fire does amidst the sober-coloured cottages of 
 a village hamlet. 
 
 Lord Demone soon after made his appear- 
 ance; and at the announcement of Lord and 
 Lady Thorofield the dinner was ordered to be 
 served up, when that interval of suspense took
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 157 
 
 place which by no exertion of ingenuity can ever 
 be made agreeable. Simpleton Sharp tried in 
 vain to say something agreeable upon Lady 
 Thomson's lap-dog ; Lady Thomson whispered 
 to Lord Demone, who did not cease eyeing each 
 individual assembled with the scrutiny of a sa- 
 tirist ; whilst Mr. Woodby had not lost a mo- 
 ment in entertaining Lady Thorofield upon the 
 subject of his lodges, his shields, and the vir- 
 tues and high qualities of Stone the architect. 
 
 As soon as the joyful words of " Dinner is 
 lion the table," audibly pronounced by a rustic 
 butler, were heard, the procession gradually 
 proceeded to the scene of action ; Mr. Woodby 
 taking the lead with Lady Thorofield, whilst 
 at the same time he threw a look of triumph to- 
 wards his wife, who was thinking all the while 
 that Lady Thomson was an ill-used woman. 
 
 Mrs. Woodby having taken her seat where 
 it is the pride of an English wife to sit — that 
 is, at * the head of her table,' flanked on either 
 side by dignitaries after her own heart, soon 
 began to dispense her attentions to her guests 
 in those terms of civility whicli in her estima-
 
 158 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 tion were the touchstone of good breeding. 
 " My lady, pray allow me to assist you to 
 some fish. — My lord, won''t you be pleased to 
 play with a sweetbread ? — Won't you be ' pre- 
 vailed' upon to ' try' a kidney.^ — Mr. Simple- 
 ton Sharp, pray be ' induced.' — Miss Barbara 
 Allnutt, I'm afraid there's nothing here that 
 you ' prefer.' — All you see before you, my 
 lord, we do at home: we bake, brew, milk, 
 fish, kill our own mutton and lay our own eggs, 
 all at home — Mr. Goold Woodby will tell you 
 the same." 
 
 " I presume that your young ladies are 
 home-made also," said Lord Demone, taking 
 up his glass and looking at Mary Allnutt, with 
 whose beauty he had been particularly smitten, 
 although he would fain have made the mother 
 believe that he talked of her daughters. " You 
 ought not to have forgotten them ; they do 
 more credit to your farm than your eggs." 
 
 " Indeed, my lord," said the good lady, not 
 seeing the point of his humour, " they have 
 nothing to do with the farm ; they have had all 
 the advantages of the genteelest education — we
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 159 
 
 have spared nothing to bring them up in the 
 best principles of perfection :"'' and then lower- 
 ing her voice, in a whisper she added, " And 
 Mr. Woodby, there, is quite determined to 
 give them each handsome fortunes. You see 
 they are our only children, besides our son 
 Thomas, and therefore we can afford to do it, 
 and handsomely too." 
 
 " But you eat nothing yourself, ma'am/' 
 said Lord Thorofield, who was an old sports- 
 man, and who, having been in the field all the 
 morning, was too hungry to say much. 
 
 Mrs. Woodby's principal pretensions to gen- 
 tility, as far as regarded her own person, lay 
 in three things : an ambition to be thought to 
 have a weak stomach, her friendship for Lady 
 Thomson, and her ancient lineage. In answer 
 to Lord Thorofield 's accusation of eating no- 
 thing, she said, " Ah, my lord, ever since the 
 time of Charles the Second the Goolds have 
 been famous for their bad stomachs ; — I am a 
 thorough Goold, and that 's the truth of it — I 
 never do eat anything myself:" and then with 
 a soft sigh added, " And that I can't digest."
 
 160 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Ah, difficulty of digestion, 'tis true, is the 
 general complaint now-a-days," remarked Sim- 
 pleton Sharp; "'tis said to be the lawyer's 
 complaint — at least it was so when I studied in 
 the Temple;' 
 
 " There is nothing extraordinary in that,'' 
 said Demone. 
 
 "And wherefore?" said his companion. 
 
 " Because more laws are made than can be 
 digested," replied the other. 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! that 's very good !" exclaimed 
 Simpleton Sharp ; " I never thought of that." 
 Then, turning himself to Lady Thomson, he 
 exclaimed, " There, Lady Thomson, did you 
 hear that.^ Demone sa^s that lawyers make 
 more laws than we can digest — is not that ex- 
 cellent .?" 
 
 " His lordship is always sure to say the best 
 thing at the best time," said Lady Thomson 
 from the other end of the table, where she had 
 been entertained by Woodby upon some one 
 of his favourite subjects, owing to which pro- 
 pensity the reader has no doubt ere this dis- 
 covered that he enjoyed the worst of reputa-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 161 
 
 tions — that of being ' a bore.' This observation 
 of Lady Thomson had stopped the current of his 
 talk ; when, turning himself towards the AU- 
 nutts, who had for mutual protection seated 
 themselves in a row near each other, address- 
 ing Aunt Fanny, who was nearest to him, in a 
 pompous tone of voice, he asked her, " I hope 
 Lord Knutsford was quite well when last you 
 heard from his lordship ?" 
 
 " We never hear from him," said Aunt 
 Fanny, looking towards her sister to know 
 what she should say ; " but I believe he is 
 well." 
 
 Woodby then announced to her with a con- 
 sequential look, as if he were the possessor of 
 state secrets, that there were great rumours of a 
 change of administration ; and then added, 
 " I hear that he is to have a seat in the ca- 
 binet." 
 
 " Is he .^" said Fanny, puzzled and with 
 much hesitation : " I never knew that cabinets 
 were made to sit in !" 
 
 This remark, made at a moment when a dead 
 silence had happened to take place in the usual
 
 162 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 clatter of the dinner, brought the eyes of the 
 whole table upon her, and every sort of smile, 
 from the smile of astonishment to that of deri- 
 sion, might have been remarked upon the faces 
 of most of the company present. 
 
 Both Abel and Barbara had frequently felt 
 confused at the ignorance and simplicity which 
 Fanny often betrayed upon the common 
 things of life, although, in truth be it spoken, 
 they themselves were not much more en- 
 lightened ; but on this occasion they were dis- 
 tressed, inasmuch as her remark brought 
 the observation of the whole table upon 
 them all. Lord Dem one's scrutiny had fal- 
 len more upon the beautiful and unconscious 
 Mary, although at the same time he could not 
 refrain showing how much he was amused 
 at Aunt Fanny's simplicity. He had heard 
 of country simplicity, but never could believe 
 in its existence ; rural seclusion he conceived 
 never could prevail now-a-days to such an 
 extent as to make any one ignorant of the 
 affairs of the world ; and the more he re- 
 marked her who had so exposed herself and
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 163 
 
 those to whom she was connected, so he was 
 drawn more particularly to scrutinise their 
 manners, and give heed to what they should 
 say, in the hope of eliciting matter for feeding 
 the springs whence his satire flowed. 
 
 " I believe,^' said Lord Demone, addressing 
 himself to Aunt Barbara, — " I believe that AU- 
 nutt is the family name of the title of Knuts- 
 ford ?" 
 
 " Yes, it is," said Barbara, happy to with* 
 draw the attention of the table from Fanny, 
 who, however, was not conscious of having 
 committed herself. 
 
 "It is a good old Saxon name," said De- 
 mone. 
 
 " I thought it might have been French," 
 said Simpleton Sharp with as much wisdom as 
 he could throw into his unmeaning face, ring- 
 ing the changes upon the word. 
 
 " It is no more French than your Johnsons 
 and your Thompsons are French," said Lord 
 Demone. 
 
 " I hope you will recollect, my lord, that my 
 name is Thomson," said the lady with a visible
 
 164 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 change of countenance, and a manner that 
 showed how little she was pleased with his ob- 
 servation. 
 
 Lord Demone at once saw that he had in- 
 volved himself in a dilemma, and with peculiar 
 quickness answered, " My dear lady, your name 
 is Thomson, 'tis true ; but then it is Thomson 
 without a p — that makes all the difference. 
 The Thomsons without a p are a totally differ- 
 ent people from those who possess that conso- 
 nant : they are decidedly French — they came 
 over with the Conqueror. Tonson is a real Nor- 
 man name. The first tonsure, that distinguishing 
 mark in the Catholic Church, was first inflicted 
 in France on a dignitary belonging to that fa- 
 mily : besides, surely you recollect the famous 
 French old song of ' Monsieur Tonson,' — that 
 you will allow to be decisive in favour of its 
 origin and its antiquity." 
 
 These remarks at once soothed the irritated 
 feelings of Lady Thomson ; and having by this 
 short explanation learned more concerning her 
 family than she had ever known before, she was 
 delighted to find that she was so distinguished,
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 165 
 
 and for the future greedily treasured up in her 
 mind that she was a Thomson without a p. 
 
 " Then who are the Thompsons with a p ?"" 
 inquired Simpleton Sharp. " Is it not strange 
 that there should be so much affinity between 
 the two names ?" 
 
 " They are vulgar English — pure cockneys. 
 Some savage butcher of Smithfield once beat his 
 son, no doubt, and thence was called Thump- 
 son, or Thompson — there can be no doubt of 
 that etymology.*" 
 
 By the time that this conversation had 
 ended, the first stage of the dinner had also 
 come to a close; when Mrs. Goold Woodby, still 
 determined to uphold the precedence and privi- 
 leges of Lady Thomson, bobbed her head to 
 that lady as a signal for departure, and then 
 glancing at Lady Thorofield, all the ladies rose 
 and left the table to the gentlemen, according to 
 the most approved forms of English life.
 
 166 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 A proof that the self-important man and a bore are 
 identified. 
 
 As soon as the door had been closed upon 
 the last petticoat, Woodby, still full of the sub- 
 ject which had been under discussion — that is, 
 the derivation of surnames — and taking his seat 
 at the head of the table, continued to dwell 
 upon it ; for it was one of those upon which he 
 was always ready to say much. First, he nar- 
 rated the oftentimes-repeated history of his 
 own name, entering into all the various reasons 
 which had caused him to change it, until his 
 guests audibly yawned their desire for a change 
 of subject ; then, with great self-compla- 
 cency, he gave a full account of his wife's name 
 and lineage, until at length he glided into the 
 history of the Goold arms and motto. Ad-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 167 
 
 dressing himself particularly to Lord Demone, 
 he said, " I possess the very coat of arms that 
 was granted to my wife's ancestor, Sir Jugg 
 Goold, and which hung as a sign over his door, 
 according to the fashion of those days, denoting 
 that he was the king's goldsmith." Then point- 
 ing to a dark painting handsomely framed 
 which hung over the chimney-piece, he added, 
 "There — that is the very sign itself! — there 
 you will see the arms granted by Charles the Se- 
 cond, a hand wielding a hammer, being, as you 
 may observe, an indication or illustration of his 
 art ; and underneath the very appropriate mot- 
 to Auriim quam bonum, which in the Latin 
 language means ' Gold is good ;' a delicate mode 
 of his majesty's of that day to denote that he 
 at once applauded and approved of Goold the 
 goldsmith and gold the metal." Then taking up 
 a candle, he drew Lord Demone and his other 
 hearers to the inspection of the painting. 
 
 Demone's face had long been portentous of 
 wicked intentions. Oppressed by the intensity 
 of the bore, groaning with inward anguish, and 
 watching his first opportunity for revenge, he
 
 168 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 looked about for some instrument which he 
 might use with advantage. Reading the motto 
 under the shield, he remarked, "Ah, Aurum 
 quam bonum ! ' Gold is good !' — very happy in- 
 deed ; but I don''t think that was the intended 
 mode of spelling the word bonum. In those days, 
 bonum was spelt with an r." Then approaching 
 the candle, he said, " Ah, and so it was ! — there 
 you can see that the original r has been scratched 
 out, and an n substituted. I thought there must 
 have been something more than met the eye : 
 the Merry Monarch intended to say *Goold is a 
 bore,' that was his object — he despised riches, 
 and thought his goldsmith an ass." 
 
 Woodby felt sensibly distressed, although he 
 would fain have made it believed that he too 
 relished the joke. Those who understood the 
 allusion could scarcely suppress the impulse 
 of their merriment; whilst Simpleton Sharp, 
 whose slow intellect had not compassed the 
 full meaning of Demone's sarcasm, thought 
 he had originated a very shrewd observation, 
 when he remarked that this was an age for 
 improvement, and that great progress had
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 169 
 
 been made in orthography since the Restora- 
 tion. 
 
 It was observed that until after Lord Demone 
 had taken his departure, Mr. Woodby never re- 
 verted to the Goold shield and motto ; for the 
 new interpretation put upon it, which he felt 
 might implicate his dignity, so entirely stopped 
 the flow of his unceasing dissertations upon 
 himself and his affairs, that it was remarked he 
 had never been so agreeable as on that night. 
 
 Upon the return of the gentlemen into the 
 drawing-room, they found the ladies engrossed 
 in looking at some drawings, and in the high- 
 est admiration of their excellence ; all except- 
 ing Lady Thomson, who sat aloof talking with 
 Mrs. Woodby. Miss Woodby had been ex- 
 plaining to Aunt Barbara, whilst Mary was 
 listening with great attention, and the fair 
 Ellen seated near at hand, that these draw- 
 ings were the performance of Edward Manby, 
 who no sooner had been invited to contribute 
 something to be disposed of for charitable pur- 
 poses at the ensuing bazaar, than he sent the 
 present beautiful productions. 
 
 VOL. J. 1
 
 170 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " And pray tell us who is Edward Manby ?" 
 said Aunt Barbara to Mr. Woodby as soon as 
 he appeared. " He seems to be a very clever 
 young man." 
 
 " Edward Manby,'' said Woodby, taking 
 up a pompous and protecting tone, " is a very 
 good young man — indeed I may say that he is 
 a remarkably clever young man and deserves 
 to be encouraged. He is a poor youth without 
 parents— an orphan in fact, if I may be allowed 
 the expression, with whom my son Tom got 
 acquainted at college, and to w^hom I have been 
 able to be of some little service. He has an 
 uncle at Liverpool, a very respectable man, a 
 brewer of some eminence, who educates him, 
 and he is now at college. His father was an 
 officer in the army, and died in the West Indies ; 
 he was brother to the brewer in question ; and 
 his mother, who was a well-born woman — at 
 least so I have heard, for I don't know her 
 family, — died there also. His parents left no 
 property whatever ; so Edward is totally de- 
 pendant on his uncle's generosity, who having 
 a large family of his own, it is not likely he
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 171 
 
 will ever have any other patrimony than his 
 wits, for I hear his mother''s family will have 
 nothing to say to him. He comes here occa- 
 sionally to see us from Liverpool when Tom 
 is at home ; and my girls have, you see, got 
 him to draw for our bazaar, and these are his 
 drawings." 
 
 Having satisfied Barbara's curiosity, he then 
 walked away to some other part of the room, 
 and left her surrounded by Fanny, Mary, and 
 the two Miss Woodbys, to pursue the subject 
 upon which they were engrossed. Edward's 
 beauty, the first of merits in the eyes of all 
 women, was first discussed. The young ladies 
 described his features one by one, — the outline 
 of his face, the conformation of his nose, the 
 length and breadth of his cheeks, chin and 
 lips, and that very principal object of discus- 
 sion, his eyes ; then they talked of the colour of 
 his hair and the brilliancy of his teeth, and, in 
 short, gave so minute a description of his per- 
 son, that it was evident he had made no com- 
 mon impression upon their memories. They 
 talked long and enthusiastically of his per- 
 
 i2
 
 n^ ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 fections ; compared him to each of their male ac- 
 quaintance ; deplored his poverty ; but boldly 
 asserted that nothing could prevent him from 
 becoming the Lord Chancellor should he choose 
 the law as his profession, or the Archbishop 
 of Canterbury were he to go into the church. 
 These observations sunk deep into Mary^s 
 mind ; Ellen sighed and looked like a de- 
 sponding shepherdess ; whilst Aunt Barbara, 
 taking a more matter-of-fact view of his cir- 
 cumstances, suggested that he ought to be re- 
 commended to turn his views to business, 
 making no doubt that, with his great abilities, 
 he would in time turn out to be a very great 
 brewer. 
 
 Lord Demone meanwhile, whether with a 
 desire of eliciting amusement from Aunt Fan- 
 ny''s simplicity, or through her to become ac- 
 quainted with Mary, approached the more 
 confirmed spinster and entered into conversa- 
 tion with her. She was flattered by his at- 
 tention, and calling up one of those looks 
 which in her best days would have inflamed 
 every heart, she began to hope that her air
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 173 
 
 and her cherry-coloured gown had done their 
 duty. He acquired her good will and con- 
 fidence by talking to her with great eagerness 
 upon those airy nothings so usually discussed 
 upon a first acquaintance ; and so effectually 
 did he impress her with the certainty of his 
 being in earnest, that she was not long in 
 persuading herself that her eyes had not lost 
 their power. She therefore answered him 
 with bestowing the aforementioned glance, 
 which, old and practised as he was in the 
 amiable weaknesses of the softer sex, he soon 
 subtracted from the amount of simplicity which 
 he had expected to find in her character. He 
 soon said enough to make her believe that 
 he was struck with her appearance, and then 
 descanted in general terms upon beauty, upon 
 country beauties, upon the comparative charms 
 of the beauties of that part of the county, and 
 at last upon the [positive beauty of her niece, 
 who, unconscious of what was passing, sat 
 listening to the conversation upon Edward 
 Manby with the attention of a child intent 
 upon a story.
 
 174 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Yes," said Fanny, rather disconcerted at 
 the digression from herself to her niece, — " Yes, 
 John thinks her handsome, and so do we ; but 
 then we are partial. He is decidedly handsome, 
 and there is a strong family likeness among us 
 all." 
 
 " No doubt," said Demone,— " no doubt,'' 
 looking significantly in her face : " he must be 
 handsome if he is like those I have the pleasure 
 of knowing. But pray, who is John .?" 
 
 " Oh, don't you know," said Fanny in a 
 tone of surprise, — " don't you know John ! He 
 is my brother, and Mary's father." Upon which 
 she gave him a full account of his history, of 
 his present views and undertakings, and of his 
 future expectations. In proportion as she pro- 
 ceeded in her narrative, so did her confidence 
 in her hearer increase ; for he listened to her 
 with the most well-bred attention, and so in- 
 terested did he appear in all the various details 
 of the family — of what Mary could do and 
 what she could not do — of what Abel had 
 suffered when he was a boy, and of his various 
 infirmities now that he was a man — of Barbara's
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 175 
 
 knowledge of housekeeping — all mixed up in 
 the most amusing medley which a mind not re- 
 gulated by logic could produce, that his en- 
 tertainment increased with the involutions of 
 her narrative. Her aim had been to give him 
 a high idea of John's abilities ; which she did 
 by narrating, with all the fidelity in her power, 
 the various schemes which he had put into 
 practice to make his fortune, but which had 
 ended in his ruin ; and she had so well con- 
 ducted her disclosures, that she ended by con- 
 vincing her hearer that John was the very 
 reverse of what she had been endeavouring to 
 prove, — that is, instead of being a very wise 
 man, that he was a very foolish one. 
 
 When Lady Thomson observed how much 
 Lord Demone was feasting his eyes upon 
 Mary's beauty, and that he was about attach- 
 ing himself to her for the evening, by a sapi- 
 ent manoeuvre she threw herself forward, and 
 making a few prefatory speeches upon the 
 dehghts of music, soon engaged all parties to 
 supplicate Miss Mary AUnutt for a song. 
 In this request Demone earnestly joined, fol-
 
 176 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 lowed by Simpleton Sharp, and backed by 
 the ponderous Woodby, who, though he had 
 about as much knowledge of music as he 
 might have of astrology, thought it uncivil 
 and inhospitable not to urge his timid guest 
 to do that which she declared was disagreeable 
 to herself. 
 
 In vain poor Mary looked alarmed and full 
 of distress — in vain she turned with a beseech- 
 ing air to her Uncle Abel, her refuge in all 
 cases ; more dead than alive, she was dragged 
 to the piano-forte, and there stood turning 
 over the leaves of her music-book, whilst 
 blushes suffused her cheeks and her temples 
 throbbed with apprehension. Aunt Fanny, in 
 order to give her encouragement, offered to 
 accompany her ; and the time which she took 
 in taking off her gloves, squaring her elbows, 
 adjusting her feet, and striking a few antique 
 chords, gave Mary leisure to reason herself out 
 of her timidity, and afterwards to sing one of 
 her least pretending songs; and this she did 
 with an expression so full of pathos and simpli- 
 city, that all hearts were soon enlisted on her
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 177 
 
 side. The Miss Woodbys followed, with an 
 air of superiority that seemed to say, " Now 
 you shall hear something like music !" Miss 
 Anne struck two or three sound blows on the 
 instrument by way of a fair start ; and then she 
 and her sister engaged their voices in a tortu- 
 ous Italian duo, so full of involution, each 
 part being so nicely poised by science, that if 
 one voice did not immediately respond or take 
 up the other, all went wrong ; a piece of 
 music, in fact, which would have required all 
 the nicety of tact and skill of professed singers 
 to overcome the difficulties which it present- 
 ed. The adventurous sisters, however, set oflF 
 without any apprehensions as to the result. — 
 they plunged at once into the thickest of the 
 dilemma, and then having thoroughly engaged 
 in a sort of file-firing of tl amo — mio sposo, 
 and of mio sposo — ii amo, they finished by en- 
 tangling themselves therein so effectually, that 
 what was intended to be sung together was 
 sung separately, and what was meant to be 
 sung separately was sung together, and pro- 
 duced consequences which ended in an utter 
 
 I 5
 
 178 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 confusion of sounds. Miss Ellen, at the top 
 of her voice, false by excess of exertion, got 
 to the last note of her finale a full minute be- 
 fore Miss Anne, who, nothing abashed at hav- 
 ing been so much outrun, thought that she 
 made all straight by the grand succession of 
 closing thumps which she struck upon her in- 
 strument with a great air of bravado. 
 
 The enraptured mother, who conceived that 
 the more noise her daughters made the better 
 they sung, went about seeking for congratula- 
 tions upon their superior talent, and hinted 
 again to Lord Demone that she had spared no 
 expense to bring them up in the first style ; and 
 she whispered to him with an air of confidence, 
 that as Anne always ate hearty, it was not fair 
 to j udge of her singing upon a full stomach ; 
 but that if he should ever happen to hear her 
 before her meals, she would astonish him. 
 
 Lord Demone said, he made no doubt that 
 she would, and hoped that he might be in- 
 formed whenever that event should happen ; 
 but that he begged leave to say that he was 
 very well pleased with what he had heard, for
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 179 
 
 that he was fond of 2ifuU voice, which, he pre- 
 sumed, proceeded from a, full stomach. 
 
 Simpleton Sharp, who was at hand, and ever 
 ready to laugh whenever his lordship opened 
 his mouth, echoed this attempt at a joke far 
 and wide, to the great mortification of Aunt 
 Fanny, who was languishing under the expec- 
 tation of being asked to perform, which she 
 visibly made known by the sort of singing 
 face singers are apt to get up on such occa- 
 sions, and which she did too significantly to 
 be mistaken. Lord Demone was the first to 
 understand the drift of her machinations, and 
 immediately pressed her to begin. Before any 
 one but himself was prepared for the outbreak, 
 she began, in powerful accents, to chant, "Shep- 
 herds I have lost my love," and thereby re- 
 stored every one to that state of silent atten- 
 tion which is generally produced by a woman's 
 voice, but which was broken by certain occasion" 
 al titters excited by the richness of the exhibi- 
 tion. Aunt Fanny's calls for her love were 
 totally disregarded ; and by the time she reach- 
 ed the closing stanza, which she performed with
 
 180 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 scrupulous exactitude, her audience had almost 
 forgotten that she was straining her throat 
 for their amusement, and, excepting the well- 
 bred Demone, every one had deserted her, and 
 were proceeding to discussions in which her 
 singing took no share. Her efforts wound up 
 the amusements of the evening ; and very soon 
 after she had finished, the Allnutts took their 
 departure, much thanked by the Woodbys, 
 and much lauded, after they were fairly gone, 
 by Lord Demone, and abundantly criticised by 
 Lady Thomson.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 181 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 A sneeze sometimes aivakens, so a sudden change of' subject 
 produces variety. A letter from John Allnutt. 
 
 The visit to Belvedere afforded matter of 
 conversation to the inhabitants of Ivycote for 
 many days after it had taken place. Aunt 
 Fanny had been particularly gratified, for she 
 could not refrain from encouraging a secret 
 hope that she had made a conquest of Lord 
 Demone ; whilst Mary, on the contrary, felt as 
 great a loathing when she reflected how much 
 she had been an object of his observation. 
 Aunt Barbara was glad to find that they had 
 got so well over it ; and Abel, who had scarcely 
 been noticed by any one, said little, but thought 
 much. 
 
 Lord Demone had intimated to Fanny his
 
 18^ ABEL ALNUTT. 
 
 intention of soon paying them a visit, and she 
 was in daily expectation of that occurrence, 
 when one morning, instead of his lordship, ap- 
 peared the postman, bearing a letter, which 
 was soon recognised to come from John. This 
 happy event collected all the family together ; 
 and Mary, to whom it was addressed, showed, 
 by the sparkling of her eyes and the agitation 
 of her manner, how much her feelings were in- 
 terested at this instance of her father's affection. 
 As we do not wish the reader to lose sight of 
 this member of the family, we will not apolo- 
 gise for giving his letter at full length. It was 
 dated from Madeira ; and after Abel had set- 
 tled the geography of that island for the satis- 
 faction of his sisters, and having received per- 
 mission from Mary to read the letter aloud, he 
 began as follows : — 
 
 " My dearest Mary, 
 
 ** You will be glad to hear that I ar- 
 rived quite safe at this place a few days ago, 
 after a passage more full of incident and ad- 
 venture than I could possibly have expected.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 183 
 
 We left Liverpool with a fair and steady 
 breeze, which lasted for two days, during 
 which time I had all the leisure to think of 
 you and of your dear aunts and uncle at Ivy- 
 cote, as well as to get acquainted with my ship, 
 which I found to be an excellent sailer ; and 
 indeed I think, if the owner had adopted my 
 suggestions in making certain alterations, she 
 would have been unrivalled. On the third day 
 it began to blow. As we entered the Bay of 
 Biscay the sea was very rough, which caused 
 the ship to labour a great deal, obliging us to 
 take a reef in our topsails ; which is an opera- 
 tion that I need not describe, fearing it may not 
 be intelligible to a lady, — but it is more like 
 making a tuck in a gown than anything else 
 which I can at present think of. The next 
 day we were seated at dinner in the cabin, 
 when the mate rushed in with terror in his 
 looks, saying, 'Sir, the bob-stay is carried away !'' 
 Now, you may perhaps suppose that bob-stay 
 might be a man, and might already begin to 
 deplore his untimely end ; but be not alarmed — 
 it is only a piece of iron which secures the bow-
 
 184 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 sprit, and acts in some manner as a martingale 
 upon a horse's head, and keeps it steady. I 
 think that I have hit upon a new method of 
 making bob-stays, which will save the country a 
 great deal of money, and shall send my views 
 upon the subject to the Admiralty by the first 
 opportunity. We were obliged to bear up for 
 Rochelle, which was the nearest port, in order 
 to repair our damage ; and we reached an an- 
 chorage at the mouth of the Garonne, where 
 we managed to secure our bowsprit. During 
 our stay there I landed and was shown a great 
 curiosity — it was the last house Bonaparte 
 inhabited in France previously to his embark- 
 ation to place himself in our hands. It struck 
 me that a good speculation might be made in 
 purchasing this house and transporting it to 
 London, there to be erected and shown to the 
 people of England. I was about striking a 
 bargain for it during this my short stay in 
 France, but was hurried away before 1 could 
 accomplish it : however, I will keep it in 
 mind as a good thing to do on some future 
 occasion.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 185 
 
 " We sailed again, and coasting the high 
 lands of Portugal, shaped our course for Ma- 
 deira, where we anchored in Funchal Roads 
 without further accident. I was introduced to 
 the Portuguese governor *"' 
 
 " The Portuguese governor !" exclaimed 
 Aunt Barbara : " John must be wrong there. 
 What have the Portuguese to do with Madeira 
 — surely it belongs to us ?" 
 
 " I believe you will find that John is 
 right,'' remarked Abel very quietly. *' Ma- 
 deira has always belonged to Portugal." 
 
 " It stands to reason that it does not,*" re- 
 torted Barbara ; " for don't all our consump- 
 tive patients go to Madeira? — no foreigners 
 would allow that surely. You might as well 
 say that those who die in the next parish have 
 a right to bury their dead in our churchyard. 
 It stands to reason that I 'm right." 
 
 Abel continued to read. 
 
 " — I was introduced to the Portuguese go- 
 vernor, to whom I communicated a plan for 
 new paving and lighting the streets of Funchal, 
 and introducing the use of rail-roads, by which
 
 186 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 the inhabitants might ascend and descend their 
 steep mountain without the risk of breaking 
 their necks, riding on mules, as they do. But 
 he appeared to be an enemy to innovation, and 
 when I left him, I determined to propose that the 
 people should appoint a committee to conduct 
 their own affairs : whether they will adopt my 
 plans time will show, for I fear that I shall not 
 remain long enough among them to renovate 
 their island. I must reserve my exertions for 
 Mexico and South America in general, where 
 I hope to introduce so many improvements, 
 that the face of that great country will be to- 
 tally changed ere many years elapse. What 
 with new constitutions, new roads, gas-works, 
 steam-engines, schools, and newspapers, I trust 
 to introduce so much more happiness at a great 
 deal cheaper rate than any happiness they 
 have hitherto enjoyed, that life will be a bless- 
 ing to them, instead of the contrary, which it 
 must now be. 
 
 *' Although I am extremely impatient to be 
 at my post, yet I am inclined to be less so 
 when I consider that I have been the means of
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 187 
 
 placing your uncle and aunts in better circum- 
 stances than they were before. By this time I 
 calculate that they must be in possession of 
 their new revenue ; and if matters go on as 
 prosperously as I expect tliey will in Mexico, 
 I hope to realise so much wealth, that you, 
 my dear child, as well as they, will be able 
 to live in affluence during the rest of your 
 lives. This letter I wish to contain all that 
 I have to say to them as well as to your- 
 self; and let me hope that after I have 
 properly exerted myself for the benefit of 
 mankind, I may return to you to give you 
 ray blessing before you settle in life, and 
 which I now do from afar with all the af- 
 fection and sincerity of your own father and 
 friend, " John Allnutt." 
 
 Mary was affected to tears at the perusal 
 of this letter: her affection for her father 
 was unbounded ; and although she was sur- 
 rounded by those who loved her as parents 
 and acted towards her as such, yet what is 
 there that can stand in competition with a
 
 188 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 father's love ? They sat long in discussion 
 upon the contents of the letter, for it brought 
 John before them in every line and every 
 circumstance which it contained. There he 
 was, with his ardent and ill-regulated bene- 
 volence of character, sailing on the surface of 
 the globe, making plans and sketching consti- 
 tutions, as if upon himself alone had devolved 
 the duty of civilising a new world. Aunt 
 Barbara, notwithstanding his repeated failures 
 in former schemes, still placed implicit confi- 
 dence in his abilities ; and now that she was in 
 the actual enjoyment of one of his suggestions, 
 which had produced an increase of revenue, she 
 willingly lent herself to the hope that he was 
 about to put into practice all that he promised, 
 and that ere long he would return to England 
 one of the wealthiest men of his time. AbePs 
 enthusiasm did^ not run so high ; but he also, 
 seeing how regularly the increased dividends on 
 their funds were paid, was more confirmed in his 
 opinion of John's sagacity than he had ever 
 been before. As for Fanny, she looked upon 
 her absent brother as something greater than
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 189 
 
 either Bonaparte, the Duke of Wellington, or 
 the lord-lieutenant of the county, so highly 
 did she appreciate the blessings of being able 
 to wear cherry-coloured silk-gowns, and of 
 being driven about by a coachman with a 
 gold-laced hatband and gold-laced button- 
 holes. 
 
 They had scarcely finished the perusal of 
 John's letter when visitors were announced. 
 Peeping from a corner, they perceived them to 
 be Lord Demone and Simpleton Sharp, es- 
 corted by Mr. Woodby. In the twinkling of 
 an eye, up ran Aunt Fanny into her bed-room 
 to put on a more becoming dress, and away 
 flew Barbara into the kitchen to prepare re- 
 freshments. 
 
 Abel and Mary remained below to receive 
 their guests ; which they did with appropriate 
 speeches of welcome. Lord Demone was almost 
 struck dumb by the dazzling beauty of Mary's 
 face and person, and the uncommon grace of 
 her manner ; Simpleton Sharp remarked with 
 singular presence of mind, that the name of 
 the cottage answered precisely to its picturesque
 
 190 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 appearance ; and Woodby strutted about as a 
 turkeycock is frequently seen to do in the pre- 
 sence of minor fowls, as if he, personifying Bel- 
 vedere Hall, that great mansion, was asserting 
 its pre-eminence over the humble and diminu- 
 tive Ivy cote. Aunt Barbara very soon after 
 came bustling in, with welcome and sandwiches 
 beaming in her countenance ; and at length 
 Fanny appeared in all the exuberance of 
 dangling curls and streaming ribands. Aunt 
 Fanny soon took possession of Demone as of 
 a commodity peculiarly her own, (although 
 he willingly would have continued to gaze 
 upon the lovely Mary,) and invited him to 
 take a walk over their grounds, for so she 
 called an acre and a half of lawn and shrub- 
 bery. She directed his attention to the vari- 
 ous points of view ; how he could see the 
 parlour window of the house through one 
 opening in the trees, — then how beautifully the 
 kitchen chimney mantled with ivy peeped over 
 a thick tuft of laurels ; and at length she 
 brought him by slow degrees to their great 
 lion, their most famous point, the parsonage-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 191 
 
 house, with the village-steeple peering over it, 
 backed by the low range of the Huckaback 
 Hills, whilst the light blue smoke from the 
 blacksmith's shop curled up in the midst. At 
 each stoppage Aunt Fanny made a speech, to 
 which Demone answered by the usual excla- 
 mations ; then taking him into the centre of 
 the lawn, she said, '* And here I shall want 
 you to give me your advice ; — I ask it from 
 every one of our friends, and I will ask it 
 therefore of you. Do you advise us to plant 
 this lawn in quidnuncs or not ?'"' 
 
 " In quidnuncs r screamed Demone, scarce- 
 ly able to suppress a burst of laughter. '* Oh 
 no, by no means ! — root them out rather. No, 
 no ; never allow a quidnunc to take root, not 
 even in your village, much less so near your 
 house f 
 
 Fanny was surprised at this singular burst 
 of hatred against what in her mind she con- 
 ceived to be a very innocent mode of putting 
 five trees together, and more particularly at 
 the merry manner in which that passion de- 
 veloped itself in her companion. How-
 
 192 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 ever, she said nothing more on the sub- 
 ject, but determined to treasure up Lord De- 
 mone's opinion in order to bring it forward 
 whenever the question should be brought 
 under discussion in the family. She then 
 led him to what in cottage grandiloquence 
 she called the conservatory, consisting of an 
 enclosure half green paint, half green glass, in 
 which a few red pots were preserved, containing 
 little half-inches of plants, with names tacked 
 to them that would have puzzled Sanchonia- 
 thon himself to explain. 
 
 Having shown him all these things, they re- 
 turned to the house, where they found Aunt 
 Barbara's collation duly spread, and making a 
 most striking contrast by the excellence and 
 plenty of its materials to a similar meal on re- 
 cord as given at Belvedere Hall. 
 
 " Well," said Fanny as soon as she en- 
 tered the room, unable to retain her first 
 resolution, " do you know that Lord Demone 
 is all against the quidnuncs : he says they 
 wonH do."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 193 
 
 " Quinciaix, Fanny," said Abel in a sup- 
 pressed tone of voice. 
 
 " Qui?icufix or quidnuncs^'' answered Fan- 
 ny, " I suppose it 's all the same : but, in 
 short, his lordship hates them so much that he 
 would not allow one to be planted within fifty 
 miles of the village." 
 
 " I do not like quidnuncs,'"* said Demone ; 
 " I won't say as much for quincunx : I ap- 
 prove everything which Miss Fanny Allnutt 
 approves, — there can be no appeal from her 
 taste." 
 
 Fanny, losing sight of her ridiculous mistake 
 in the glory of receiving so flattering a speech, 
 felt a glow and a joy all over her person which 
 gave her the vivacity of sixteen, and she bound- 
 ed about with those large feet of hers in a man- 
 ner that showed how much the nerves of the 
 heart are connected with those of the lower ex- 
 tremities. Nothing could be more ludicrous 
 than the scene which took place between these 
 two individuals ; and Demone appeared willing 
 to carry it on further, had he not been stopped 
 by the dense Woodby, who had undertaken to 
 
 VOL. I. K
 
 194 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 give the history of the three Miss Popkins, 
 ladies of great wealth, the possessors of a fine 
 modern house in the neighbourhood, and who 
 consequently were the theme of speculation 
 throughout the country. 
 
 ^' These Miss Popkins," said Woodby with 
 great emphasis, " were coheiresses — that is to 
 say, they cannot be called coheiresses, because 
 there are three of them ; however, for shortness, 
 sake we will call them such. They inherited 
 from their father after they had lost their mo- 
 ther, who was herself a coheiress with her bro- 
 ther, a rich merchant at Liverpool, who is look- 
 ed upon as their uncle, which indeed he is on 
 their mother'*s side. They are the sole pos- 
 sessors of his wealth — that it to say, divided 
 into three equal parts, of which by far the 
 largest, if I may so say, will be that of the 
 youngest Miss Charlotte Popkin, who is not 
 yet of age, and who, by the bye, I have my 
 eye upon for my son Tom : and, let me add, I 
 have recommended Edward Manby to make 
 himself agreeable to the two elder ones, for he 
 might marry one or either of them — at least he
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 195 
 
 shall have all my influence, poor fellow, — and 
 that is not small, let me tell you, for after 
 all Belvedere Hall tells in this part of the 
 country ; don't you think so, Miss Barbara ?" 
 said he, abruptly addressing that lady, and 
 who was at that moment planning a new plate 
 of sandwiches. 
 
 " I beg your pardon," said Barbara very 
 civilly ; ** what did you say ?" 
 
 " I was saying," said Woodby, " that Bel- 
 vedere Hall, without flattery I may say now, 
 tells in this part of the country, particularly 
 now with its new lodges." 
 
 '*' Indeed it does," said Bab most empha- 
 tically : " it is seen at least for two miles off" 
 from the back of our church, and looks re- 
 markably pretty. The lodges, it must be 
 owned, are a great addition — I think you can't 
 have too many of them." 
 
 Woodby, forgetting his original idea in the 
 all-engrossing subject of his lodges, which had 
 unintentionally been grafted upon it by Aunt 
 Barbara, proceeded in his usual manner to 
 dilate and remark and exult thereupon ; and he 
 
 k2
 
 196 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 would have comprehended the double shields 
 containing the Goold and the Woodby arms, 
 had he not been stopped by the presence of 
 Lord Demone, who, the moment he ventured 
 to touch upon that point, attacked him with 
 so much humour upon the new version which 
 he had given to the motto before alluded to, 
 and threw the whole thing into such utter ridi- 
 cule, that Woodby never more ventured in his 
 presence to say a word upon it. 
 
 And it was remarkable how strong an effect 
 the approach to the subject by Mr. Woodby 
 produced on all those who had heard him speak 
 upon it before. Immediately symptoms of 
 impatience broke out — the averted look, the 
 shuffling feet, the suppressed yawn, all indi- 
 cated the impending calamity; and on this 
 occasion, where the very walls of Ivy cote were 
 impregnated with Mr. Woodby's long stories, 
 the result produced was a termination of the 
 visit. Lord Demone, taking a last look at 
 Mary, made his bow. Simpleton Sharp, 
 who had been concerting a joke during the 
 whole visit, at length unbosomed himself by
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 197 
 
 saying, " The next coat I have, it shall be 
 green, for then it will put me in mind of Ivy- 
 cote." He waited to watch the result of this 
 effort of his genius ; but finding it had fallen 
 to the ground, he followed his friend, after 
 making many fair speeches, and was at length 
 overtaken by Woodby, who would not allow 
 Aunt Barbara to escape without explaining why 
 it was not suitable, and why it was out of all 
 architectural rule that there should be more 
 than two lodges at any entrance, although 
 sometimes people were mean enough to place 
 only one, as Lord Thorofield for instance.
 
 198 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 The dulness of the country relieved hy intelligence from the 
 world of folly and dissipation. 
 
 Belvedere Hall in due course of time was 
 cleared of its visitors. Lady Thomson's visit 
 had passed off much to her satisfaction, although 
 she had not been able to bring Anne Woodby's 
 marriage to a happy conclusion with Lord 
 Demone. Whether he had been smitten by 
 the superior charms of Mary, or whether Anne 
 still cherished a tender feeling for Captain S wag- 
 gle, or whether — which perhaps was most pro- 
 bable — Mr. Woody was averse to coming down 
 with a sum sufficiently alluring to the needy 
 peer, it were useless at present to discuss ; but 
 true it is, Demone took his departure without 
 making any proposal, and Lady Thomson re-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 199 
 
 turned to Cheltenham, whilst the Woodbys at 
 proper time and season exhibited themselves 
 in London and at the watering-places. 
 
 Belvedere Hall remained deserted during 
 the winter and spring ; but as the summer ap- 
 proached, all the anticipations of the fancy ba- 
 zaar and ball which had been so long promised 
 broke out again in the country, and the neigh- 
 bourhood became anxious for the return of the 
 wealthy owners of that mansion. 
 
 The inhabitants of Ivycote passed the winter 
 months in their usual retirement, anticipating 
 a happier summer than the preceding one, grate- 
 ful to Providence for all the blessings which 
 they enjoyed, and dispensing those blessings to 
 the utmost of their power to their poorer 
 neighbours. They too began to count the days 
 when Belvedere Hall would again be inhabited, 
 for they longed to have an opportunity to 
 afford the gentle Mary some of those gaieties 
 to which they thought she was entitled at her 
 age, but in default of which, such was the ex- 
 cellence and rational cast of her nature, she 
 neither repined nor expressed herself impatient.
 
 ^00 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 One morning in the beginning of March, whilst 
 they were at breakfast, the postman delivered 
 a letter directed to Aunt Barbara, bearing 
 upon it the Brighton post-mark, and which was 
 discovered to come from Mrs. Woodby by the 
 cramped writing on the address. She immedi- 
 ately read it out as follows : 
 
 " My dear Friend, 
 
 " This is to hope that you are all well, 
 that your winter cough has been mild, and that 
 Mr. Abel is well of his weak chest, as we are 
 at present, thank God. We have been enjoy- 
 ing the breezes here, as they call them, which 
 at present are blowing a hurricane and smash- 
 ing all our windows one after the other ; which 
 is a pity, since we see the king and queen from 
 out of them every day, taking a drive in their 
 coach-and-four and their outriders. We take 
 our hats off and make curtsies to their majes- 
 ties at least twenty times every day, which is a 
 great privilege; and Mr. Woodby says it is 
 right to show one's loyalty, and he thinks that 
 he is likely to be a great favourite at court, for
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 201 
 
 the king took his hat off to him; and who knows? 
 he expects to get a title — to go down on his 
 knees for a knight : but not a word of that, my 
 dear friend, for that is a secret, — and so is what 
 I 'ra going to tell you, for you must not let it 
 out in the village, whatever you do. You must 
 know, that everybody knows that we are to 
 have our fancy bazaar and ball in the summer ; 
 and we have been desired to get up something 
 nouvelle, as we say in French, and not one 
 of your humdrum things. Now, my girls and 
 1 are of opinion that we ought to draw out 
 the charity-school boys and girls to make a 
 show on the lawn when the company comes : 
 but the thing is, what shall we do with them ? 
 — Mr. Dodd, a gentleman here, thinks the 
 boys might all be dressed as sailors, and the 
 girls as their wives : but that, you know, would 
 be low, and some think improper. Now, we 
 have agreed otherwise : Mr. Simpleton Sharp, 
 who is here, has told us that there is nothing 
 so genteel as Roman gods and goddesses; and 
 we want you, please, to tell Mrs. Humphries 
 the schoolmistress, that she is to be Juno or 
 
 k5
 
 20^ ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Venus, whichever she likes ; and Tim Mer- 
 riday the schoolmaster, he is to be Jupiter. 
 The boys will be Cupids, and the girls Psyches : 
 that, you know, is just in character. The 
 boys might have wings tacked on to their 
 jackets just behind their shoulders, each with 
 a bow and arrow in hand; and there you 
 have your Cupids. The girls' wings might be 
 stitched on behind their ears on their caps; 
 and there you have your Psyches. Mrs. Hum- 
 phries, if she be Juno, may have a tiara and 
 a half-moon on her head, and the peacock close 
 to her, — for that is the way Mr. Simpleton 
 Sharp and the learned represent the queen of 
 the gods : and Merriday, to look like Jupiter, 
 should have a wig over his own hair, which, 
 Mr. Simpleton Sharp says, are called ambrosial 
 curls, — and he might carry a set of fire-irons in 
 his hand for his thunderbolts. He ought to 
 have an eagle beside him ; but for want of that 
 let him get one of the largest turkey-cocks in 
 the yard, for they do look something like an 
 eagle, and then he would be complete. — Now 
 pray, dear Miss Barbara, do help us. We can 
 get the Cupid and Psyche's wings made up here
 
 ABELL ALLNUTT. 203 
 
 at about fourpence a pair, and we will also get 
 the tiara and half-moon ; but let Merriday 
 practise the boys and Mrs. Humphries the girls : 
 they may walk in a row backwards and for- 
 wards every day on the lawn with the peacock 
 and turkey-cock behind them, and be taught 
 pretty manners, such as Cupids and Psyches 
 no doubt have. But not a word of it in the 
 village — pray mind that, for the whole thing is 
 to be a surprise to the company. My daughters 
 and Mr. Woodby send their love. So no more 
 at present from your sincere friend, 
 
 " Anne Goold Woodby. 
 " P.S. Tell Merriday, please, that he may 
 twist some flax into long curls, and so make a 
 wig: or if he likes to be Vulcan instead of 
 Jupiter, (for Vulcan, you know, was Venus's 
 husband, — that is, if Mrs. Humphries chooses 
 Venus instead,) he may ; and then instead of 
 the fire-irons, he may carry a sledge-hammer, 
 — for Vulcan, I am creditably informed, was a 
 blacksmith." 
 
 Inclosed within this letter was another from 
 Miss Woodby to Aunt Fanny, which the
 
 204 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 reader will perhaps like to be laid before him, 
 and which ran as follows : — 
 
 " Dear Miss Fanny, 
 
 " I write in bed, for I have just done 
 dancing at a ball, and take this opportunity of 
 writing a few lines to tell you how we are 
 going on in this gay place, and to make your 
 mouth water about this ball that we went to 
 last night, at a place called the Ship, — although 
 it was not a ship, you know, but an hotel. It 
 was called the Master of Ceremonies' Ball, al- 
 though there was no ceremony about it that I 
 could see, for the people all crowded in one 
 after the other as if they did not care a farthing 
 how they got in provided they got in first, and 
 pushed each other about like so many sheep in 
 a pen. It was very good fun, however, for all 
 that ; for mamma in getting through a door 
 nearly had one of her sleeves dragged off; 
 somebody trod upon papa's foot, which he did 
 not like ; and as for Ellen, she was lost full 
 ten minutes before we could find her again. 
 The room was full of marchionesses, duchesses.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 205 
 
 and great people, and one of those sort of 
 ladies called a ' patroness ' was there ; but, la ! • 
 you never saw such a dowdy thing in your life ! 
 She was nothing near so smart as Lady Thom- 
 son usually is ; indeed, I was much finer than 
 she was, for the matter of that : but Lady 
 Thomson would have beat her and every other 
 lady that I saw out and out again. And as for 
 your marchionesses, they are poor creatures 
 with about as much spirit in them as a mouse. 
 There was one standing in the doorway, and I 
 thought I had as much right to stand there as 
 she had, for we all paid alike, so I pushed by 
 her ; when she turned round and said, * I beg 
 your pardon, I am afraid I am in your way,' 
 and she let me pass without shoving m.e again : 
 now isn 't that mean-spirited of her ? But oh, 
 my dear friend, who do you think I saw in the 
 crowd in full uniform ? — but 1 won't tell you, 
 although perhaps you may guess : all I can 
 say is, that it was not Lord Demone, odious crea- 
 ture as he is, — but he certainly looked very 
 handsome, that is the truth of it. He had let his 
 hair grow right over his chin, and he had alto-
 
 206 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 gether such an air that when we danced to- 
 gether all the room was looking at us, and I 
 am quite certain that the patroness I mentioned 
 before was downwright jealous of nie. He 
 told me that his regiment was doing duty here, 
 and that he would certainly come and see us in 
 his undress, which becomes him very much. You 
 are, I dare say, dying to know who he is ; but all 
 I can say at present is, that his name begins 
 with S. I wish I could invite him to our 
 fancy ball that is to be: but I am afraid of 
 mamma, who wouldn't even allow poor Edward 
 Manby to be invited ; but papa insisted upon it, 
 and so did Tom, and so she could not refuse. 
 But I quite forgot to say w^hat I principally 
 wrote about; which is, that the stall that Ellen 
 and I are to preside over at the bazaar is to be 
 called the Beauty Stall ; and as it is the fashion 
 to think your niece Miss Mary handsome, 
 mamma begs me to ask you to allow her to 
 assist in selling : there will be Charlotte Pop- 
 kin in addition, who, you know, we are think- 
 ing of for Tom, and she will make up our 
 party. And mamma says, if you will have the
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 207 
 
 goodness to preside over the next stall, for ours 
 will be full, you shall have the two other Miss 
 Popkins for your partners. Pray write an 
 answer to this ; for when we can find time in 
 this busy, rackety place, we can think of nothing 
 else than our bazaar. With which I remain, my 
 dear Miss Fanny, 
 
 ** Your affectionate friend, 
 
 " Anne Woodby. 
 " P.S. Pray don't tell anybody that we call 
 our stall the Beauty Stall, because they would 
 think us conceited, you know ; which is a great 
 fault. And believe me, I asked for you, for I 
 did not think you a bit too old, and you know 
 you have been very handsome ; but every- 
 body said it would spoil the look of our stall ; — 
 so, you know, it was none of my fault. I hope 
 you are hard at work for us : indeed, our prin- 
 cipal hope for things, and pincushions, and 
 rugs, and pen- wipers, and so on, is from your 
 house. We shall have the selling of Edward 
 Manby's drawings ; which is some comfort." 
 
 The perusal of these letters, as may be
 
 208 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 imagined, gave a new turn to the monotony of 
 life and ideas which existed at Ivycote, and 
 produced a discussion upon their contents and 
 upon their writers which afforded matter for 
 subsequent conversation until the return of the 
 Woodbys to Belvedere. Aunt Barbara, who 
 was purely a matter-of-fact person, whose 
 thoughts never extended beyond the cares of 
 her own family and her own village, who was 
 accustomed to look after the necessities of the 
 poor in the true spirit of charity — that is, ra- 
 tionally and without the excitement of false 
 sentiment and mawkish sensibility, — was as 
 much astonished by Mrs. Woodby's intention 
 of turning charity-children into playthings, as 
 she would have been averse to making them 
 objects of romantic affection. She had never 
 looked upon them in the mythological point of 
 view in which they were now presented before 
 her, much less could she ever have imagined it 
 possible that the schoolmaster and mistress could 
 ever have been turned into the representatives 
 of Jupiter and Juno. She, therefore, upon the 
 first blush of the question very decidedly op-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 209 
 
 posed herself to the proposed scheme, and, in 
 her characteristic mode of argument, exclaimed, 
 " that it stood to reason, and she was sure that 
 she was right ; that if the boys once began to 
 think themselves Cupids, and the girls Psyches, 
 there would be an end to all discipline among 
 them. The object of their education would thus 
 be defeated ;"" for, she contended, " how would 
 it be possible to persuade Cupids to become 
 carpenters and labouring men ? and still more 
 how difficult to turn Psyches into housemaids !" 
 Uncle Abel, on the other hand, who always 
 pleaded on the good-natured side of the ques- 
 tion, endeavoured to divert his sister's oppo- 
 sition by saying, " that this circumstance of the 
 fete, perhaps, would only occur once, and that 
 the impression it would leave upon the chil- 
 dren's mind could only be transient ; whilst 
 the relaxation which it would afford them, 
 their parents, and the whole neighbourhood, 
 would produce a wholesome feeling by draw- 
 ing the rich and the poor more closely to- 
 gether, and thus establish mutual good-will. 
 That the charity-boys could no more under-
 
 210 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Stand what was meant by their being Cupids 
 than the girls by their being Psyches ; and 
 that as for Mrs. Humphries and Merriday, 
 their authority would only be strengthened 
 by being elevated to such high dignities." 
 
 Aunt Fanny took no share in the discussion, 
 for her mind was entirely absorbed by the con- 
 tents of Miss Woodby's postcript. It has fre- 
 quently been remarked, that one of the most 
 fatal gifts that can be given by Nature to wo- 
 man is beauty, unless it be accompanied by a 
 sound understanding. Poor Fanny had been 
 endowed with the first, but the reader need not 
 be informed that she was deficient in the se- 
 cond. She had been beautiful, she had been 
 much admired, and ranked among the beauties 
 of the county ; her shortsighted mind never 
 told her that such a gift was transient and 
 would soon pass away ; she had rejected many 
 an offer of marriage, and here she was still 
 Miss Fanny Allnutt, the rejected of the Miss 
 Woodbys and their ' Beauty Stall.' Her first 
 impulse on reading the offensive hint that she 
 was old, was to be angry — very angry; but
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 211 
 
 possessing, as she did, all the meekness, the 
 kind-heartedness, and the forgiving disposition 
 which were the characteristics of her name and 
 family, her secondary feeling was to sit down 
 mortified, it is true, but resigned. As she re- 
 tired to her bed-room to meditate over the con- 
 tents of the letter, she could not help taking 
 one long, anxious, scrutinising look at her face 
 and form in the looking-glass, as if she were 
 determined to try herself before that uncom- 
 promising judge. She first peered straight 
 into her eyes — examined those tell-tale wrinkles 
 at the corners, which, diverging into angular 
 lines, were ruled with the precision of an al- 
 manack, — and then inspected those circular 
 pouches underneath, which contained the re- 
 gister of many a passing year. She found her 
 nose firm and untouched ; but as she proceeded 
 to survey her mouth, she started such a co- 
 vey of little crooked figures, zigzags, crosses 
 and re-crosses, that she became alarmed, and 
 she would willingly have imposed them upon 
 herself as dimples, had they not been too nu- 
 merous to connive at such a fraud. Her
 
 2\2 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 cheeks being streaked with colour and the 
 enamel of her teeth still fresh, she became a 
 little restored to good spirits by their appear- 
 ance, and she was proceeding with a light heart 
 to the inspection of her hair, when a grey lock, 
 full of evil intentions, protruded itself with so 
 conclusive an evidence against her that she al- 
 most fainted at the sight. But still, not dis- 
 couraged, taking a more distant survey of her 
 tout ensemble, she found her figure still so good, 
 that at length, with a deep-drawn sigh, she 
 exclaimed, " I 'm not so bad after all." Still 
 those fatal words ' too old' haunted her eye- 
 sight and her brain as if they had been stereo- 
 typed upon them, and she found her philoso- 
 phy too weak to bear her up against the obsti- 
 nate truth. She continued fixed before her 
 glass for some time, looking, and smiling, and 
 smirking, as if she could recall from its very 
 depths those years which had so soon gone by, 
 and which had taken with them all that beau- 
 ty, the recollection of which was now the subject 
 of her misery. " At all events,"*** she at length 
 exclaimed by way of soothing her mortified
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 213 
 
 mind, — " At all events, I am better than either 
 of the Miss Popkins — nobody shall say nay to 
 that r' and then, turning her glass back from 
 her, she fled from her room and returned into 
 the parlour.
 
 214 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 In modern ethics, ' a fancy bazaar and ball' are added to 
 the several gifts of charity 
 
 It is the peculiar privilege of this species of 
 writing to enjoy an entire command over time 
 and space, whereby people and places are 
 brought together and dispersed again as easily 
 as a child puts together a geographical puzzle, 
 and then breaks it up and packs it into its box. 
 The Goold Woodby family, after having been 
 absent from Belvedere Hall for about six 
 months, returned to it again, renewed in their 
 vanity by having mixed with the heartless 
 world, exercised in envy by aspiring at the 
 possession of things which they could not at- 
 tain, and indulging in long draughts of hatred 
 against persons at whose hands they had re-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 215 
 
 ceived mortifications. They resumed their 
 position in the country with increased feelings 
 of arroo^ance and hiorher ideas of their own im- 
 portance ; for in vulgar minds the reaction 
 which takes place after a mortification is not 
 towards humility, but towards the contrary, as 
 Fag in the play, after having been reviled and 
 pushed aside by his master, vents his spleen 
 by kicking the errand-boy. 
 
 The day was now fast approaching upon 
 which the long-talked-of fancy bazaar and ball 
 were to take place, and Mrs. and the Miss 
 Goold Woodbys had returned from Brighton 
 and London, laden with all sorts of things fitted 
 to promote the object of the festival. Their 
 first step was to issue their cards of invitation, 
 — called, we believe, in stationers' language, ele- 
 phant cards, on account of their great size, — on 
 which was inscribed the usual formula of words 
 for a ball, but which made a fancy dress an 
 indispensable requisite to the acceptance of 
 the invitation. These cards were accompanied 
 by tickets of admission to the bazaar, which 
 served as hints that there was charity as well
 
 216 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 as amusement contemplated in the invitation. 
 They were sent far and wide all over the county, 
 and great were the expectations raised. Musi- 
 cians, cooks and confectioners, and all the con- 
 comitants of a fete, were to come from appropri- 
 ate distances in order to enhance its merit and 
 the self-devotion of those who gave it ; and the 
 ingenuity of every tailor and milliner around 
 was taxed to invent dresses and ornamental 
 costumes. 
 
 The bazaar was to take place on the lawn 
 which surrounded the house ; and here tents of 
 various sizes and denominations were pitched, 
 in which the wares were to be displayed. We 
 will not pause to describe the various difficulties 
 which took place during the progress of the ar- 
 rangements, principally produced by the little 
 experience which the givers of the entertainment 
 had acquired in such matters ; for they had read 
 of such things in newspapers, but had never seen 
 them practised. Mrs. Woodby had her ideas, 
 Mr. Woodby his, and young ladies theirs. 
 Mrs. Woodby's ideas of ' doing the thing 
 handsome' were at variance with those of her
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. ^17 
 
 daughters, and in some measure with those of 
 her husband, but they all agreed in the one 
 resolution, ' that the thing was to be done hand- 
 somely.' This discordance produced a course 
 of much wrangling and discussion. What the 
 mother deemed sufficiently good, the daughters 
 disapproved ; and the mezzo-termine proposed 
 by the father was pronounced vulgar. The 
 young ladies longed for the advice of Lady 
 Thomson, whose word on such occasions was 
 with them law; but the father and mother, 
 who dreaded the expense which she would have 
 authorised, were secretly pleased at her ab- 
 sence. 
 
 Anne and Ellen had heard enough upon 
 the subject of giving parties during their at- 
 tempts at fashionable talk at Brighton, with 
 the Captain Swaggles and Captain Bobadils 
 of their acquaintance, to impress them with 
 the conviction that every sort of costly fare, 
 called luxuries of the season, was as positively 
 necessary to a ball as fiddles. A hot disqui- 
 sition upon wine, led to a controversy upon 
 ices, which branched out into a debate upon 
 
 VOL. I. L
 
 218 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 jellies, soups, and French pasties, and con- 
 tinued upon the subjects of decorations and 
 illuminations, until both Mr. and Mrs. Woodby 
 began to groan under the torment which 
 they had inflicted upon themselves, and be- 
 moaned their hard fate that they should ever 
 have been betrayed into committing so great 
 a folly as giving a great ball. But the prin- 
 cipal controversy was upon the subject of the 
 invitations. Some opined for one person, 
 others for another ; some were to be rejected 
 for one foolish reason, others to be invited 
 for one equally absurd. The Talkingtons 
 of Chute House were not to be invited, be- 
 cause they had been heard to say that Mr. 
 Woodby's new lodges were like two sentry- 
 boxes; — then the Evelyns of Adamston were 
 to be got at and invited because they were 
 a more ancient family than the Thorofields, as 
 a matter of spite to those rivals in riches. The 
 Algoods of Badington were rejected upon their 
 principles, which did not approve of fancy 
 bazaars, and charity which did not stand 
 upon some stronger basis than the ' light fan-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 219 
 
 tastic toer whilst the Alcocks of Henbury 
 were asked because the Miss Alcocks could 
 dance the fashionable dances. The objects of 
 the charity were frequently lost sight of in the 
 excitement produced by the ball ; whilst the 
 interests of the ball were insidiously advocated 
 as those of the charity. In the mean while, 
 however, the quantity of packages inclosing 
 the fruits of the labour of the charitable neigh- 
 bourhood was immense. The results of the 
 examination were curious and worthy of histo- 
 rical record, as illustrative of national taste 
 and character in the nineteenth century. The 
 principal articles produced consisted of pin- 
 cushions, pen-wipers, kettle-holders, rugs of 
 various sizes, carpet-shoes, and embroidered 
 bags, all characteristic of neatness and snug- 
 ness. Then as specimens of vanity were pro- 
 duced embroidery in its various shapes, arti- 
 cles of dress, and fripperies of all sorts. The 
 arts were represented by little abortive draw- 
 ings in crayons and water-colour, with the ex- 
 ception of Edward Manby's productions. — 
 Half-a-dozen scratches by the talented Miss 
 
 l2
 
 220 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Jenkins were put down at a great price, be- 
 cause being unintelligible, they were called 
 spirited ; and that amiable young man Mr. 
 Simpson had been prevailed upon to bestow 
 some of his inimitable sketches from nature, 
 in one of which a stick resting against a barn- 
 door had been portrayed with wonderful fide- 
 lity, — and they were also called drawings 
 of great price. But of all those who had 
 laboured in the cause of charity, the inhabit- 
 ants of Ivycote shone conspicuous : they had 
 employed themselves in manufacturing things 
 really useful, (Aunt Fanny excepted, who 
 would be genteel,) and their donation was a 
 blessing to the poor. Aunt Barbara had taken 
 the flannel department under her peculiar ma- 
 nagement, whence issued petticoats and waist- 
 coats in abundance ; whilst Mary had made 
 caps for the children, and gowns for the old 
 women. To form a catalogue of the various 
 things sent to be disposed of, would require a 
 larger portion of our paper than we are willing 
 to bestow ; therefore we beg the reader to bear 
 in mind that, with some exceptions, if he
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 221 
 
 can think of any one thing more useless and 
 less called for in the common affairs of life 
 than another, he would have been sure to find 
 it there. 
 
 A day before the fete took place, we are 
 happy to be able to announce the arrival of 
 Lady Thomson, whose advice upon the general 
 arrangement had been looked upon as indis- 
 pensable, and who was expected to arrive from 
 Cheltenham with some exquisite specimens of 
 her work. We will suppress all her criticisms, 
 the numerous changes which she insisted upon 
 making, and the tyranny which she exercised 
 in advising Mrs. Woodby to act against her 
 own plans, and proceed at once to the open- 
 ing of certain baskets in which were contain- 
 ed those exquisite nominal specimens of her 
 own work. She exhibited some very hand- 
 some articles of embroidery, which she took 
 care to say were her own, but of which in truth 
 she had merely worked a few stitches ; after 
 they had been properly admired, she drew 
 forth a parcel, and prefacing its appearance 
 with a speech from Lord Demone, who pro-
 
 ^9!it ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 fessed himself sorry at his inability to attend, 
 she added that he had sent his present to 
 be consecrated to the interests of the charity. 
 Every one was anxious to inspect it ; but when 
 it was broken open, mortification was expressed 
 in all sorts of deprecating speeches. 
 
 " La !" said Mrs. Woodby ; " it is nothing 
 bat a set of newspapers !" 
 
 " What can he send us the * Fashionable 
 Advertiser' for .?" said Anne. 
 
 " It is one of his jokes, I suppose," said Mr. 
 Woodby ; " but he is a poor hand at that, 
 after all !" ' 
 
 Lady Thomson reddened with indignation 
 when she heard these words. " I tell you 
 what," she said ; " this newspaper, as you call 
 it, will make the fortune of your bazaar. If 
 your bumpkins have no relish for wit, I can't 
 give it to them ; but if they have a spark of it, 
 they will be quarrelling to buy these sheets at 
 any price." 
 
 " Will they indeed ?" said Mrs. Woodby : 
 " do, pray, let us read it." 
 
 " Let me tell you," continued Lady Thorn-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 223 
 
 son, " that you are not half sufficiently aware 
 of Lord Demone's merits. It 's a downright sin 
 not to laugh at everything he says ; and if you 
 have the least pretension to fashion, you ought 
 to be on the broad grin if you even knew him 
 to be in the county : how much more, then, if 
 he ^vere in the room !"" 
 
 " Do, pray, let us read,^' reiterated Mrs. 
 Woodby, seconded by her daughter. Upon 
 which Lady Thomson, assisted by Anne and 
 Ellen, undertook to unfold its contents, and 
 read as follows ; whilst Mr. and Mrs. Woodby, 
 in spite of their better inclination, preserved a 
 gravity of aspect which showed how totally 
 the powers of sarcasm were thrown away upon 
 them. 
 
 THE FASHIONABLE ADVERTISER, 
 OR COURT REPOSITORY. 
 
 [No. I. London, April 1, 1835. Price ds.~\ 
 
 The Opera. — Samuel Shift has the honour to 
 inform the nobility and gentry, and the public at 
 large, that this splendid establishment will open for 
 the ensuing season with an ccUit unequalled in
 
 224f ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 former years ; and that, in addition to the first 
 talent in Europe, he has procured at great ex- 
 pense the first singer from the Court of the Em- 
 peror of China, and some of the most powerful bass 
 voices ever heard from Patagonia. He is happy to 
 be able to announce the arrival of the celebrated 
 howling dervishes from Constantinople, who will 
 perform their grand fanatical choruses for the first 
 time in Christendom, and that he has engaged that 
 famous professor of the Turkish drum, Allaxiin, 
 whose solos on that instrument are unrivalled. 
 
 He has however determined to- devote one night 
 of the week to representations adapted to the tastes 
 of those who resort to the metropolis from the coun- 
 try in order to enjoy the pleasures of the season ; 
 and to that effect the Italian artists have kindly 
 undertaken to devote their powers to singing the 
 most popular English songs and ballads, and other 
 portions of our national music ; and in the ballet, 
 out of regard to the feelings of the timid and un- 
 practised, the lady performers have been prevailed 
 upon to dance in flannel, and the gentlemen in drab 
 cloth trousers and gaiters.— Particulars at the Office, 
 and of all Booksellers of the United Kingdom. 
 
 Wanted, a Footman. — He must be a man of ac- 
 tive habits ; for in addition to his usual business he 
 will be required to run about with notes all day 
 and sit up all night, and he must know the Court 
 Guide by heart. — Apply at No. 1, Gower-street.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 225 
 
 Wanted, a Pair of Job Horses. — They must be 
 prime Jobs, that know their work well. They 
 are wanted for light work about town, to start 
 after breakfast with a steady, well-regulated family, 
 to go the usual fashionable rounds as practised on 
 coming from the country : that is, to the Exhibition 
 at Somerset-house, the Panorama in Leicester- 
 square, the Tunnel at Rotherhithe, the India 
 Docks, the Diorama in Regent's Park, before lun- 
 cheon; then to the rehearsal of Ancient Music, and 
 Howell and James's, and all the principal shops before 
 the Park ; then the Park till dinner : to be ready 
 and fresh at nine o'clock to go to the Opera, then 
 to three parties at least, and to finish with the usual 
 ball, so as to be back at home by sun-rise. In- 
 quire of A. Z. at Long's. 
 
 Found on a Sofa atAlmacKs.—A Reticule, enclos- 
 ing a lady's reputation. All the letters and notes 
 have been carefully read and examined^ and their 
 contents, containing the most interesting disclosures, 
 will be most conscientiously divulged. — Anybody 
 sending for the same, No. 1, Squib's Alley, letters 
 post paid, with proper testimonials, will be at- 
 tended to. 
 
 Chaperons. — Several old well-seasoned Chaperons 
 on hire. They are warranted to sit all night in 
 one place without stirring — of course a higher rate 
 of pay will be expected for those who can sleep 
 
 l5
 
 2^6 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 standing. A i'ew extra ones for water-parties may 
 be had, who are not sick in a boat, and who can eat 
 drumsticks. — Apply No. 70, Monmouth-street. 
 
 Charades. — The elegant Mrs. X. being about 
 to open her house with a course of humorous 
 Charades, a premium is here offered for genuine 
 puns, and for some good words with triplicate 
 meanings. It is requested that those who are in- 
 vited to this refined amusement will come with a 
 determination to laugh. 
 
 Amateur Concert. — Mrs. Crotchet will give her 
 first Concert to-morrow night. Those who come 
 for talking's sake are requested to wait for the 
 choruses and the crashes : they are particularly 
 desired to respect the solos. 
 
 Mr. Jeeralli Professor of Undefined Assevera- 
 tions, commonly known under the name of White 
 Lies, has the honour to inform the fashionable 
 world, that having made the most profound study 
 of his art, he is enabled successfully to adapt it to 
 all the various purposes of life. Truth, philoso- 
 phically speaking, being but a series of relative 
 assertions, he can adapt his mode of treating it to 
 the most tender consciences, so as to enable its 
 owners to pass through the world with comfort to 
 themselves, acquiring the respect and esteem of 
 others. He has exalted the art of writing notes,
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 2^1 
 
 from the simplest to the most abstruse subjects 
 to the rank of a science. He will write a note of 
 invitation with so much skill, that whether it be 
 intended to prevent acceptance, or the contrary, 
 he secures a certain result. He furnishes unex- 
 ceptionable excuses for all the various occasions 
 and difficulties incident to fashionable life particu- 
 larly when some pleasure greater than one accepted 
 has happened to supervene. 
 
 He keeps a morning academy for footmen and 
 porters, teaching them all the most approved me- 
 thods of denying their masters and mistresses/ 
 giving them tact in distinguishing persons — the bore 
 from the agreeable man, the dun from the rich 
 uncle, and the country cousin from the park beau. 
 In short, he requests only to be tried, and he will 
 warrant himself as being the most useful of pro- 
 fessors, teaching the most useful of arts, and superior 
 to all others for advancement in the world. — Direct 
 Flam-street, opposite the Lying-in Hospital. 
 
 Provident Love Insurance Office. 
 
 The object of this Society being new, we are 
 sure it will powerfully attract the attention of the 
 thinking public. It insures against Love, and its 
 ill effects upon the human frame. 
 
 Premiums will depend upon the constitution, 
 character and age of the person insuring. 
 
 To those who bring certificates of ill-temper, a
 
 228 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 great abatement of premium is made. The ugly 
 and old may insure literally for nothing. 
 Directors : 
 Lord D'Ugly, Chairman. 
 Black Bilo, Esq. Deputy Chair. 
 S. Cuttilove, Esq. A. Killerman, Esq. 
 
 W. Thumpher, Esq. Rob. Cursoe, Esq. 
 
 J. Badger, Esq. A. Boxer, Esq. 
 
 Ph. Crabb, Esq. Ph. Quarl, Esq. 
 
 Consulting Physician : 
 Ad. Heartease, M,D., Love-lane. 
 
 WANT PLACES. 
 
 As Companion to a Lady, — A lady of undoubted 
 capabilities for swallowing. Warranted to have the 
 largest gullet in England. Never contradicts. Is 
 fond of salt soup. 
 
 As Coachman. — A gentleman, educated at col- 
 lege. Can have undeniable recommendations from 
 his last place. Would prefer driving a Brighton 
 coach. Pays for all fractures of limbs, — has never 
 upset more than two coaches in his life. Inquire 
 at Whippy the Saddler's. 
 
 As Treasurer, — A gentleman who has run 
 through two fortunes would wish to become trea- 
 surer to some charity, feeling himself now to un- 
 derstand the value of money. 
 
 As Tutor. — A gentleman, brought up at a public 
 school, and a graduate at one of the Universities,
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 229 
 
 wishes to undertake the charge of one or two, or 
 more pupils. Is a thorough professor of slang in all 
 its branches ; teaches the art of betting, with an 
 entire knowledge of calculating the odds; is well 
 versed in horse-flesh ; and being a professed sports- 
 man, is admirably calculated ' to teach the young 
 idea how to shoot.' Smokes, and is safe at the 
 gambling- table. 
 
 Wanted^ a Prime Bore. — The advertiser being 
 afflicted with insomnolency, having in vain tried 
 hop-pillows, essence of salad, laudanum, and crude 
 opium, is anxious to try the effects of a bore. He 
 must be a thorough bore ; relating stories which 
 never end, with all the proper digressions, repeti- 
 tions, and want of point, with due monotony of 
 voice and unchangeableness of aspect. He must 
 be thorough master of the histories of elections, 
 parish meetings, vestry and grand jury meetings ; 
 able to discuss the poor-law question, and not un- 
 skilled in detailing all the vicissitudes of a fox-hunt. 
 Apply to X. Y. next door to the White Horse 
 Cellar, Piccadilly. 
 
 NEW WORKS JUST READY. 
 
 The Art of Dancing without an Ear. Cuts. 
 Specimens of Table Talk, or How to be Witty 
 without Wit. By Bell Clapper, Esq. 
 " Full of novel ideas." — Tatler.
 
 230 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Travels in the Back Settlements of London ; with 
 a topographical account of Tavistock and Tor- 
 rington Squares. By E. Boyle, Esq. E.C.G. 
 Author of Court Guide, &c. 
 
 " Great research — uncommon enterprise." — Examiner. 
 Tales of a Cut- throat. 3 vols. By the Author of 
 Kill Him and Eat Him. 
 
 " Great feeling and pathos." — Spectator. 
 
 My Neighbour's Wife ; a Novel. 3 vols. By the 
 
 Author of Paul Pry. 
 
 " A striking story — full of curious incidents — deep 
 
 passion — some capital hints." — Domestic Review. 
 
 To Novel Writers, — For sale, a large assortment 
 of Skeleton Novels, upon all subjects, from the gos- 
 sipy fashionable to the coarsely vulgar. Also seve- 
 ral very interesting Plots to be disposed of, war- 
 ranted possible : one, which may be had at an extra 
 price, warranted probable. Inquire at the Manu- 
 factory, New Road. 
 
 " Well, I declare !" said Mrs. Woodby after 
 it had been read, having unsuccessfully tried 
 to laugh during the operation ; " I dare say it 
 is very clever, but it is only a newspaper after 
 all — it is just what one reads every day in the 
 advertisements, and I think that Mr. Jeerall 
 must be a very useful man — I should like to 
 get some lessons myself about writing notes.'"
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 231 
 
 " I dare say papa could afford us a box at 
 the Opera,'' said Anne, " and I dare say Lord 
 Demone could say a word for us to Mr. Shift, 
 — now wouldn't he. Lady Thomson ?" 
 
 " I wish," thought Ellen, " that I could get 
 one of those plots for a novel : it is only that 
 which I want to enable me to write one."" 
 
 " That Love Insurance Office," exclaimed 
 Mr. Woodby, " appears but a poor concern — 
 that sort of thing will never do. I dare say it 
 is only a hoax — I never heard of one of the 
 directors' names before." 
 
 " What a pack of fools !" sighed out Lady 
 Thomson in an under breath.
 
 2S2 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Showing how a thing good in itself may he rendered utterly 
 ridiculous. 
 
 At length the day came, and the morning 
 dawned with great beauty at Belvedere Hall. 
 The bells of the village church rang a merry 
 peal; all the villagers were dressed in their 
 best clothes; and almost before the sun had 
 risen, the children of the charity school were 
 arrayed in their fancy costume preparatory 
 to being exhibited. Everything had been 
 arranged for the sale on the day before, and 
 at noon the iron gates which connected Mr. 
 Woodby's lodges were thrown open to receive 
 the visitors. About that time equipages of all 
 denominations began to drop in ; and before 
 two o'clock had struck, the lawn was thronged 
 by a very considerable number of people. The
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 233 
 
 great and the wealthy came in state — all made 
 the best display which their means could af- 
 ford ; and we need not add, that on such an 
 occasion as this, the gold-laced hat and button- 
 holes had not been forgotten, when honest 
 Brown appeared driving the pony-chaise in 
 which tlie good family from Ivycote made its 
 appearance. 
 
 Although the lawn which surrounded the 
 house was flat, and although the grounds pre- 
 sented but little picturesque beauty, yet still, 
 wherever there is sunshine, and verdure, and 
 trees, and an assemblage dressed in brilliant 
 colours, more is not w^anting to produce a 
 pleasing and cheerful picture. The white tents 
 pitched under the trees contrasting with the 
 various tints of green, and with the beds of 
 flowers, which no cockneyism could rob of 
 their rich and gorgeous colouring, added greatly 
 to the general eff*ect. The numbers of people 
 constantly flocking around the stalls gave the 
 whole scene a character of animation without 
 which no fete can succeed ; and when Mrs. 
 Goold Woodby was congratulated upon the
 
 234} ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 beauty of the weather, which she took as a 
 personal compliment, and the excellent manage- 
 ment displayed in her arrangements, her head 
 was so turned with delight, that she became 
 almost independent of the question which she 
 had so long allowed to tyrannise over her, 
 namely, " What will Lady Thomson think ?" 
 
 Lady Thomson, with protection in her looks 
 and with satin over her substantial person, was 
 one of the most conspicuous among the com- 
 pany, and took upon herself to do the honours, 
 seeing that the whole thing wore every appear- 
 ance of being successful. Aunt Barbara''s new 
 gray gown and Fanny''s cherry colour again 
 did good service, and Mary's beauty was the 
 theme of every tongue. The Miss Woodbys 
 looked divine in dresses exactly similar ; whilst 
 the Miss Popkins did credit by their rich 
 attire to the wealth of which they were the 
 heiresses. The Thorofields, the Evelyns, the 
 Algoods, and Alcocks, and a hundred others 
 too numerous to mention, all were there, and 
 all beaming with the best intentions to be gay 
 and charitable.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 235 
 
 Mrs. Woodby was waiting with anxious ex- 
 pectation for the moment when her first thea- 
 trical flourish should be displayed by the ap- 
 pearance of the charity children, and had de- 
 ferred the striking up of a certain band of 
 music collected on the occasion until that 
 event should occur. It appears, however, that 
 some demur had taken place among the so- 
 berer part of the parish upon the characters 
 allotted to the children, and to their leaders, 
 the schoolmaster and mistress, and which in- 
 deed had been disseminated by those two per- 
 sonages themselves. It was said to be objec- 
 tionable that they should personify Heathens, 
 when the object of their appearance was to 
 promote a deed of Christian charity. There- 
 fore, instead of Cupids and Psyches, the chil- 
 dren were turned into fairies ; whilst Mrs. 
 Humphries, who was well read in history, chose 
 to appear as Queen Elizabeth ; and Merriday, 
 who passed for a theologian, determined to 
 call himself Solomon. This matter being set- 
 tled to their hearts' content, the procession set 
 off from the village school amid the shouts and
 
 286 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 huzzas of the joyous boys and girls ; and just 
 as Mrs. Woodby began to despair of their 
 appearing at all, they made their entrance on 
 the lawn, when the music struck up and every 
 one was gathered together to witness the scene. 
 This part of the entertainment had been in- 
 tended by way of a surprise by Mrs. Woodby 
 and her daughters ; and as her husband had 
 not been made a party to it, he stood by with 
 inquiring looks, eager to receive an explanation 
 for this unlooked-for display. She winked and 
 shook her head, and appeared vastly pleased 
 with her own ingenuity ; when she, in her 
 turn, was surprised upon perceiving Merriday 
 step forward with the greatest gravity in front 
 of the procession, and taking from his pocket 
 a sheet of paper, he deliberately unfolded it, 
 and then, with a loud sing-song voice, read as 
 follows : — 
 
 THE schoolmaster's SONG. 
 
 Ye gentlemen and ladies all, 
 
 For such indeed you are, 
 Come listen to ray humble call 
 
 And flock to our bazaar.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 23' 
 
 I sing of him who is a man, 
 
 And Woodby is his name; 
 A better sliow me if you can, 
 
 Or one of brighter fame. 
 
 And Mrs. Woodby, too, for she 
 
 Is such another woman ; 
 She is the wedded wife of he, 
 
 And something more than human. 
 
 For Mr. Woodby he thinks right 
 
 When others they think wrong ; 
 To build a lodge is his delight, 
 
 And make it extra strong. 
 
 Then Mrs. Woodby tends a farm 
 
 Where poultry lay their eggs; 
 She keeps the cow-boys nice and warm, — 
 
 They hang their hats on pegs. 
 
 More wealth he has than all the East ; 
 
 He knows what makes a groat — ■ 
 That two and two make four at least, 
 
 And nought from nought is nought. 
 
 Then Mrs. Woodby she is Goold, 
 
 If ever gold there be ; 
 King Charles it was, so we are told. 
 
 Gave out her pedigree. 
 
 And since they are so conjugal. 
 
 We will them conjugate. 
 And teach the odds 'twixt will and shall. 
 
 Then leave them to their fate.
 
 238 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 He's would be, could be, should be, he; 
 
 For what more can I say ? 
 She's better than she should be, she; 
 
 So now huzza ! huzza ! huzza ! 
 
 The last line was repeated over and over 
 again by tlie children in loud plaudits, having 
 been so tutored by their master, until the air 
 rang with their cries ; and the song was pro- 
 fessed to be so much admired by the company, 
 who were happy to pay a compliment to the 
 host and hostess, that it was encored with uni- 
 versal applause. Mr. Woodby took the com- 
 pliment paid to him and his wife with be- 
 coming modesty, his joy at thus being an ob- 
 ject of general interest peeping out through 
 the medium of certain struts, complacent looks 
 over his person, and little exulting ejacula- 
 tions which he could not restrain. As for 
 Mrs. Woodby, she was mad with delight, and 
 went bustling about seeking for compliments, 
 seeing how well her scheme had taken : but 
 at length meeting Lady Thomson, from whom 
 she expected a burst of approbation, what
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 289 
 
 was her dismay when she heard her exclaim, 
 ''Are ye all turned mad? — Avhat could pos- 
 sess you to get up this trumpery ? Why, 
 you '11 make yourselves the laughing-stock of 
 half the kingdom !" 
 
 " What do you mean ?" said Mrs. Woodby, 
 the flush of angry mortification rising into her 
 face and making her look anything but an an- 
 gel of meekness. " Why, the Dodds of Dande- 
 lion did it — so Mrs. Dodd told me at Brighton, 
 and it answered very well, and I am sure ours 
 has answered very well too." 
 
 '* Who are the Dodds of Dandelion, I should 
 like to know ?''"' said Lady Thomson with con- 
 tempt in her accent. " It might do very well 
 for such low persons as they are, no doubt ; 
 but really, if you have pretensions to life, you 
 ought to know how to live.**' 
 
 " Know how to live!" said Mrs. Woodby, 
 taking up her words in anger. " If the Dodds 
 don't know how to live, you '11 allow at least 
 that ^Ir. Simpleton Sharp knows how to live ; 
 and he it was who put me up to having Roman
 
 24:0 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 gods and goddesses, with Jupiter and Juno, 
 and so on ; although they forgot the best of it, 
 which was the peacock and the turkey-cock." 
 
 " Forgot what ?" said Lady Thomson. 
 
 '' Here, come here," cried out Mrs. Woodby 
 to Merriday, who stood at some distance full 
 of smiles and self-satisfaction at the success 
 which had accompanied his effusion, — " here 
 explain to Lady Thomson all about it, and tell 
 me where you got that song, for I never heard 
 a word upon the subject."" 
 
 " Why, you see, your ladyship," said Mer- 
 riday, " I came out as Solomon ; and Mrs. 
 Humphries, she was the immortal Queen 
 Bess." 
 
 " How .^" said Mrs. Woodby in utter sur- 
 prise : " Solomon ! did not I send my 
 orders that you was to be Jupiter, and she 
 Juno .?" 
 
 " Yes, ma'^am, so we was at first ; but so 
 please you, when we were setting out this 
 morning, Mr. Simkins the clerk, and Mr. 
 Cruikshank too, they said it warn't right in us
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 'Ml 
 
 to be Heathens, when all was doing for Chris- 
 tian charity's sake ; so, you see, we changed : 
 the children all became fairies ; and Mrs. Hum- 
 phries, she chose Queen Bess ; and I, (for I 
 admire the character,) I was Solomon.'' 
 
 " My goodness me !" exclaimed Mrs. Wood- 
 by : " well, I 'm not surprised at your think- 
 ing it vulgar now," turning to Lady Thom- 
 son. " Only conceive that they should have 
 dared to change, all on account of Simkins' 
 objection ! 1 11 give it to Simkins for this ! 
 Mr. Simpleton Sharp, I, and the girls, made 
 it out so clever, that nothing could be better 
 than the manner in which we settled it: but 
 really to get Solomon and Queen Bess for 
 Jupiter and Juno, it is too bad ! besides 
 having neither Cupids nor Fiskies^ (for so she 
 pronounced Psyches), which even you will 
 allow to be genteel." 
 
 " I disapprove of the whole thing," said 
 Lady Thomson ; "it will cast a ridicule upon 
 what would otherwise have been very good 
 and well managed. And then that foolish 
 
 VOL. I. M
 
 242 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 song ! — what could possess him to write that 
 song ?''"' 
 
 " Please your ladyship,'"' said Merriday, 
 "it is all my own composing ; and I thought, 
 as Solomon did sing a song, I might as well 
 sing this, and then it would be all in charac- 
 ter : and so I hope no offence — for we expected 
 it would be a surprise." 
 
 " A surprise it was with a vengeance !" said 
 Lady Thomson, turning on her heel with a 
 look of pity, shrugging up her shoulders at the 
 same time ; whilst her friend, glad to have 
 found an excuse for any blame that might 
 accrue to her, resumed her active duties, and 
 busied herself in furthering the objects of the 
 day's meeting. 
 
 In the mean while, the bazaar was pros- 
 pering with all the zeal and liberality usually 
 dispalyed on such occasions. The "Beauty 
 Stall,*" so called, was established in the most 
 conspicuous tent, ornamented by pink dra- 
 peries, and spread over with long tables or 
 counters on which were displayed the nume- 
 rous and heterogeneous wares already alluded
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 243 
 
 to. Here presided the two Miss Woodbys, 
 the youngest Miss Popkin, and Mary Alhiutt. 
 Next to it was situated, that over which the 
 elder Popkins and Aunt Fanny presided ; and 
 a third was superintended by some other ladies 
 whose names it would be superfluous to men- 
 tion. 
 
 The despotism exercised by the venders over 
 their customers in demanding the most ex- 
 orbitant prices, particularly by those privileg- 
 ed tyrants in the Beauty Stall, was only to be 
 equalled by the submission with which that 
 despotism was admitted : pincushions sold foi* 
 prices greater than they might have fetched 
 at the first invention of pins ; a pair of scis- 
 sors were prized as much as they would be 
 in the most distant parts of the New World; 
 and one of Edward Manby's drawings was 
 paid for at the price of a sketch of Michael 
 Angelo's. The lovely Mary got so animated 
 in the excess of her zeal, and her beauty was 
 so much heightened by the little arts which 
 she put forth to entice the gold from the 
 purses of her customers, that her winnings 
 
 m2
 
 244 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 alone, it was said, were sufficient to raise the 
 front of the future school-house. Those who 
 only came to gaze at her beauty remained to 
 buy her wares ; and whilst they delivered their 
 money, gave up their hearts also. She was ut- 
 terly unconscious of being the cause of more 
 attraction than her associates : her total want of 
 vanity, her simplicity of manner, and her ex- 
 cited eagerness, were more interesting than 
 even her extraordinary beauty. But the others 
 exhibited a different conduct : they looked 
 upon the present opportunity as one eminent- 
 ly adapted to show off their charms, and they 
 did not lose it. Miss Woodby and Miss Pop- 
 kin engaged in deep flirtations with every 
 young gentleman who approached their mar- 
 ket, and threw as many airs and graces into 
 their speech, looks and attitudes as would have 
 done credit to the most finished practitioners 
 behind a real counter. 
 
 Ellen — the sentimental Ellen, alone appear- 
 ed abstracted and preoccupied. She was not 
 heartily engaged in her work; but her eyes 
 were ever and anon turned towards the avenues
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 245 
 
 leading from the entrance of the grounds, as if 
 she expected some one to arrive. When she 
 was asked the price of an article, she could 
 scarcely give an answer : her mind seemed far 
 removed from such objects — a demand for Ed- 
 ward Manby's sketches alone brought her mind 
 back to her business, and then she asked prices 
 so exorbitant, that could any one have dived 
 into her thoughts, he would have discovered 
 that the value which she placed upon the 
 sketches was only a token of the love she felt 
 for the artist. At length, of a sudden, her 
 pale face reddening to the very roots of her 
 hair, as if she had seen an apparition, she ex- 
 claimed to her sister, " Goodness, Anne ! there 
 he is ! — don't you see him ?" 
 
 "Whom do you mean?" said Anne, not in the 
 least disturbed, and continuing to tumble over 
 pincushions, pen-wipers, and housewifes in 
 search of a comb that had fallen from her 
 thickly-complicated tresses. 
 
 " Why, Tom, to be sure," said Ellen. 
 
 " So he is !" exclaimed Anne ; " and Ed- 
 ward Manby with him. Better late than never !
 
 246 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 They are so monstrous proud, those Cantabs, 
 that they think to do us a great honour in 
 coming thus far to see us." 
 
 Upon hearing this, both Charlotte Pop- 
 kin and Mary looked up ; whilst Ellen, feign- 
 ing a natural surprise, exclaimed, " Oh yes, 
 it is Edward : I thought they never would 
 come !" 
 
 The young gentlemen in question, who were 
 then gradually making their approach, were 
 as dissimilar in person, character, and pur- 
 suits, as two individuals composed of flesh 
 and blood could well be. Tom Woodby was a 
 short, coarse, insignificant-looking young man, 
 who was always endeavouring to inflate himself 
 into consequence, looking up with fierceness 
 into the faces of tall men as if he would say, 
 " I am as good as you !" and eyeing little 
 men with a downward aspect, implying " I am 
 taller than you !" He was full of conceit, 
 vulgar-minded and headstrong. His future 
 good prospects were ever before his eyes, and 
 this conviction gave him a consequential air
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 247 
 
 which he accompanied with certain gestures of 
 pretension agreeing ill with his looks. — Ed- 
 ward Manby, on the contrary, was a youth of 
 peculiarly prepossessing appearance, enlivened 
 by great sprightliness. There was a soft, 
 placid, and benevolent expression in his face 
 which made it an agreeable object to look at : 
 he was frank without being forward, humble 
 without servility, and full of natural grace 
 without the least affectation. The habitual 
 cast of his features was contemplative and 
 grave ; and as he was rather more taciturn 
 than loquacious, upon first acquaintance he 
 wore an appearance of reserve, which, how- 
 ever, entirely vanished when he began to talk. 
 Every one who knew him hked him : owing 
 to an habitual deference of manner he was 
 peculiarly apt to captivate the confidence of 
 women, because he thus raised them in their 
 own estimation. 
 
 Having reached the front of the tent from 
 whence they had at first been perceived, and 
 having made all the proper speeches of recog-
 
 248 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 nition, accompanied by the usual demonstra- 
 tions of satisfaction, we must defer to our next 
 chapter the description of a few of the effects 
 which their arrival produced.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 349 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 The country hall. First symptoms of the tender passion. 
 
 We believe that that coincidence of the af- 
 fections called ' love at first sight' is almost 
 unknown in England at the present day — at 
 least among the upper ranks of society. It 
 may perhaps occasionally be found to take 
 place where handsome youths rarely meet 
 comely maidens, and, with hearts mature for 
 the intrusion of the tender passion, sudden- 
 ly encounter other hearts all prepared to re- 
 ceive the soft impression, and thus love and 
 pine, and become disordered at the recollec- 
 tion of what has appeared to them the most 
 divine and bewitching of beings. But as so- 
 ciety is now constituted, where beautiful faces 
 and engaging persons are so common that it is 
 
 M 5
 
 250 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 almost a distinction to be ugly, — where the 
 tender-hearted Cory don meets the lovely Phyl- 
 lis — not in the sequestered vale, by the borders 
 of a murmuring brook, nor under the umbrage- 
 ous wood ; but in the crowded assembly, in 
 the swarming public walk, where he meets 
 her rivalled and surpassed in beauty and in 
 charms by a hundred other Phyllises; under 
 such circumstances it is almost impossible that 
 so quick an exchange can take place as to 
 establish a passion after a few preliminary 
 glances. 
 
 The two young men were both at the same 
 moment struck with the extraordinary beauty 
 and grace of Mary. The presumptuous Tom, 
 who looked upon everything in his father's 
 house as exclusively his own, unobservant of 
 Charlotte Popkin, who, he knew, had been 
 brought there purposely for the promotion of 
 a family scheme, at once addressed himself to 
 the retiring Mary, as if he were secure of 
 achieving a conquest upon his first address. 
 He approached her in a sort of easy, picktooth 
 manner, looked at her with effrontery, spoke
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 251 
 
 to her in a tone of familiar acquaintance, and 
 then, by way of exhibiting his importance, re- 
 quested Manby to go and seek out his father 
 and mother in order to inform them of his 
 arrival. Mary, with that quickness of percep- 
 tion which characterises woman, had at one 
 glance recognised in Tom's companion him 
 whom she had heard so constantly eulogised 
 and admired, and an involuntary suffusion had 
 overspread her face, for which she could give 
 to herself no good reason : but when she heard 
 young Woodby's speech and observed his arro- 
 gant manner, she was at once restored to her 
 composure, and asserted a dignity which to 
 that moment she was ignorant of being inhe- 
 rent in her nature. 
 
 Manby, in the mean while, had stood 
 aloof, scarcely heeding the ipore than cor- 
 dial welcome with which he was received by 
 the Miss Woodbys in the absorbing interest 
 which Mary's beauty and appearance had al- 
 ready produced upon him. Nothing that he 
 ever read in poetry, no image that had ever 
 offered itself to his imagination, had ever come
 
 252 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 up to what he now saw before him. He gazed 
 in silence upon that downcast look of modesty 
 — that bloom and freshness of complexion — 
 that symmetry of form, and was filled with 
 that enchantment which seemed spread over 
 everything that surrounded her, until he was 
 ashamed of his astonishment and embarrass- 
 ed at his own awkwardness. Young Wood- 
 by's words broke the spell by which he was 
 bound ; and totally heedless of the offensive 
 manner in which those words were expressed, 
 he hastened to perform his errand. 
 
 " How can you treat Edward in that man- 
 ner ?'' said Ellen to her brother, with anger in 
 her look : " he is not your servant." 
 
 "Why, what's the matter now?" said 
 Tom, apparently nettled. " Ned is a good 
 
 sort of fellow, and would go to the d 1 to 
 
 please me. My servant indeed ! — who said he 
 was r 
 
 These words were scarcely uttered, before 
 Mrs. Woodby, escorted by her husband and 
 followed by Manby, appeared in search of 
 her son, whom she greeted with reproaches for
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 253 
 
 having arrived so late, and immediately drag- 
 ged him away to present him to their several 
 friends. Her form of introduction to her in- 
 timates was generally after this wise : " My 
 son Tom, 'please." To those who were enti- 
 tled to more consideration, she made use of a 
 little more involution : " Allow me to 'troduce 
 our eldest." Upon every one of which occa- 
 sions, the youth made certain contortions com- 
 monly called bows, and paraded his insignifi- 
 cant person, apparently proud of the gifts which 
 Nature had bestowed upon him. 
 
 Manby, in the mean while, was passed over 
 totally unheeded : there were no introductions 
 for him. Mr. Woodby alone said, " Ah, Ned, 
 how are you ?''"' whilst his wife, full of fears 
 lest he should be too much beloved by her 
 daughters, and filled with a secret conviction 
 of his superiority over her son, lost no oppor- 
 tunity of slighting him. Lady Thomson, who 
 really admired, and who would have found 
 pleasure in protecting him, had she esteemed 
 him to be ' the genteel thing,' thought him too 
 dangerous a person to turn loose among young
 
 254 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 ladies who were too romantic to calculate con- 
 sequences, and therefore seldom bestowed upon 
 him the light of her countenance. Abel All- 
 nutt alone, who remarked how much he was 
 neglected, and who was forcibly drawn towards 
 him by the prepossessing beauty of his coun- 
 tenance and the modest manliness of his de- 
 meanour, went up to Mr. Woodby and asked 
 that he might make his acquaintance. " You'll 
 find Ned a clever fellow," said Woodby ; " but 
 he is too poor and too proud to make his way 
 in the world." Upon which the introduction 
 was made : and perhaps no intimacy was ever 
 so soon formed as that which took place be- 
 tween these two men ; for there is a freema- 
 sonry among good and generous natures which 
 acts, perhaps, with greater force than with 
 sympathies of any other description. Although 
 incased in an humble and unpromising exte- 
 rior, Manby soon discovered the excellence of 
 Abel's mind : whilst Abel, accustomed to meet 
 with little other than vulgar and worldly people 
 in the confined circle in which he moved, was 
 delighted to find in Manby sentiments so con-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 255 
 
 genial to his own. Perhaps, on the part of 
 Manby, tlie desire of becoming acquainted with 
 Abel was more interested than contrariwise; 
 because, although we do not pretend to assert 
 that this was a case of love at first sight, yet 
 true it is that INIanby had been so much struck 
 by Mary's beauty and appearance, that the 
 circumstance, which he soon discovered, of 
 Abel being JNIary's uncle, very materially en- 
 hanced his desire of making himself agreeable 
 to him. 
 
 Once having become acquainted with Abel, 
 he very soon after was made known to the 
 other members of his family. Aunt Barbara, 
 without taking into consideration what might 
 be his fortune, connexions, or future pros- 
 pects, or in the least reverting to that chain 
 of consequences which, like deductions in ma- 
 thematics, are so sure to run through the 
 minds of mothers and aunts, when young 
 men are introduced to their daughters or 
 nieces, received him with cordiality, and soon 
 asked him to visit them at Ivycote. Aunt 
 Fanny sighed for those past times wlicn with
 
 256 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 a look she would have ensured a conquest 
 over so handsome a youth, and still hoped 
 that even on that very night she might se- 
 cure him for a partner in the dance (for she 
 danced still), and therefore her reception of 
 him was more than flattering. As for Mary, 
 we have already described the effect which 
 his first appearance had made upon her. We 
 do not pretend to say that, in this instance 
 too, love at first sight was exemplified ; but 
 in truth it is in vain to deny that the foun- 
 dation of the tender passion had long lain in 
 her breast, although there existed in her mind 
 several counteracting influences to prevent the 
 rapid growth of the feeling. Ellen was stand- 
 ing near her when Manby was presented to 
 Mary ; she watched Manby's looks and ac- 
 tions with the eye of a lynx, and the appre- 
 hension that she had always laboured under, 
 (like the forewarning which so frequently pre- 
 cedes a disaster,) that Mary would be her 
 rival, made her alive to the smallest inter- 
 change of words or looks that took place be- 
 tween them. What occurred on this occasion
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 257 
 
 passed off like most introductions made be- 
 tween taciturn young men to shy young wo- 
 men : the young man stammered out a few 
 incoherent monosyllables, and the young lady 
 said nothing. 
 
 We come now to the moment when the ball 
 was about to take the place of the morning's 
 amusement. The produce of the sales had 
 realized the utmost expectations of the pro- 
 moters of the charity, and everything seemed 
 propitious to the intended result, that Mr. and 
 Mrs. Goold Woodby's name should go down 
 to posterity on the tabular front of a new 
 schoolhouse. Between the termination of the 
 bazaar and the beginning of the ball, the princi- 
 pal talk was of the comparative earnings of the 
 different stalls : the Beauties had made so much 
 havoc in the purses as well as in the hearts of 
 the company, that their receipts had been out 
 and out the most considerable. Lady Thom- 
 son had so ingeniously contrived to make every 
 one believe that they were not only the pro- 
 moters of wit, but wits themselves, that she sold 
 all the ' Fashionable Advertisers' at unheard-
 
 258 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 of prices. Everybody likes to be in the fashion 
 and therefore everybody bought a copy : but it 
 was amusing to observe how few discovered 
 where the point of the humour lay, and how 
 many went about exclaiming, " How good ! 
 what excellent fun !" who were only sufficiently 
 sentient to catch the sympathy of a horse-laugh 
 without having discovered how that convul- 
 sion had been produced. 
 
 It will be easily conceded that wherever the 
 mind is not interested, every amusement must 
 end by becoming vapid and fatiguing. The 
 success of a masquerade depends upon the wit 
 and ingenuity of those who support the cha?- 
 racters they have adopted ; but what possible 
 amusement can emanate, after the eye has once 
 been sated, from a collection of fine dresses ? 
 On the occasion before us, whatever gaiety 
 might have been forthcoming, such as is usual 
 when the body is left to its own natural im- 
 pulse in dance and mirth, here became con- 
 strained by the ponderous effect of fine dresses. 
 Mrs. Woodby appeared in crimson velvet as 
 Mary Queen of Scots, with a close cap of the
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 259 
 
 same material, which fitting tight to her head, 
 threw out the broad orb of her face into pro- 
 minent relief, whilst the border of pearls with 
 which it was encircled, sweeping in an easy 
 curve on her forehead, was terminated in the 
 middle by a large oval-like pearl, which acted 
 throughout the evening as a pendulum over 
 her nose. Her daughters came forward with 
 the pretensions of vestal virgins, wearing long 
 floating draperies of the lightest muslin pen- 
 dant from the back of their heads ; but, unsa- 
 tisfied with the simplicity of plain white, they 
 chose to adorn their persons with the gorgeous 
 colourings of sultanas : thus were neither sim- 
 ple nor magnificent. Mr. Woodby personified 
 the Great INIogul in a turban and feather ; but 
 he was very much put out throughout the en- 
 tertainment because some one asked him with 
 great naivete^ whether he had not dressed after 
 the figure-head of the East India Company's 
 ship the Akbar. His son enacted Sir Charles 
 Grandison. Lady Thomson sparkled in a tiara 
 of gold and amethysts, intending to look like 
 Pasta, but calling herself Cleopatra, with a
 
 ^60 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 train of white satin, and round-toed sandals 
 of the same, whilst a long viper-like bracelet 
 wound up her plump arm. — As for the All- 
 nutts, their dresses were quite in keeping with 
 their character. Aunt Bab, by way of fancy, 
 tied the ribands of her cap behind instead of 
 before. Fanny ingeniously had contrived a 
 dress of many colours from the stores of her 
 wardrobe, and thus at a small expense was fine 
 and flaunting ; whilst Mary, with the addition 
 of a few flowers and a few extra ribands, com- 
 posed a costume which, by its bewitching sim- 
 plicity, was more attractive than those of the 
 most gorgeous, amongst whom the rich Miss 
 Popkins shone conspicuous. 
 
 We will not tire our readers with all the 
 vapid circumstances of a ball — of a country ball 
 too, in which there are usually but few occur- 
 rences worthy of record. The prominent cir- 
 cumstance of the evening which, as far as the 
 interest of our tale is concerned, it is our duty 
 to point out, was the rapid progress which took 
 place in the acquaintance so recently formed 
 between Edward Manby and Mary. In vain
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 261 
 
 Ellen kept hovering about him, endeavouring 
 all in her power to make herself the object of 
 his attentions ; he heeded her not, but, like a 
 moth attracted by light, he could not drag him- 
 self from the invincible attractions of Mary's 
 beauty. He first talked to her upon all those 
 common-place subjects which are usually dis- 
 cussed between young gentlemen and ladies in 
 a ball-room ; but, instead of finding one well 
 versed in the technicalities of dissipation, what 
 was his delight to discover that she had never 
 before been in public, and that the pomp and 
 circumstance of the exhibition which surround- 
 ed them, were almost as new to her as the 
 dancing of men with tight clothes and of wo- 
 men with uncovered faces might be to a Ma- 
 hometan ! The good sense, the ingenuousness, 
 and the good feeling of her observations, raised 
 her in his estimation ; the softness of her man- 
 ner and the sweet tones of her voice charmed 
 him, and the surpassing beauty of her smile 
 and countenance kept his eyes in a fixed gaze, 
 which indeed amounted almost to rudeness. 
 She, in the mean while, was overtaken by
 
 262 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 wsensations which she had never before felt. 
 Charm of manner and general agreeableness of 
 person are not to be defined : they are one of 
 the greatest gifts which Nature in her bounty 
 to man can bestow ; they put him well with his 
 fellow-creatures — they ensure him a good re- 
 ception go where he will, and gather that bril- 
 liant attraction around him which sunshine 
 throws over every object upon which it alights. 
 Edward Manby was abundantly gifted by these 
 qualities ; and not being conscious of their exist- 
 ence, they acted with greatly increased power 
 upon those by whom they were discovered. 
 Mary was charmed, she knew not why : — she 
 had never before seen one so total a stranger 
 who had in the least attracted her notice ; 
 his conversation pleased her — his attentions 
 flattered her, and she felt an irresistible pro- 
 pensity to treat him as a friend, for confidence 
 soon becomes sympathetic between pure minds. 
 But while she willingly gave way to the plea- 
 sure of his conversation, her satisfaction was 
 checked by observing the sad and mortified 
 appearance of Ellen's countenance, who sat
 
 AREL ALLNUTT. 26S 
 
 by eyeing her with jealousy and asperity ot 
 looks. The conversation which she had had 
 witli her on a former occasion upon the sub- 
 ject of Edward immediately flashed upon 
 her recollection ; and the consciousness that 
 she was the cause of giving her pain acted 
 like a cloud passing over a smiling land- 
 scape, and a chill accompanied by constraint 
 on a sudden came across her manner to- 
 wards the enraptured youth. A middle course 
 often engenders a false position ; and thus 
 between the fear of offending Ellen, and tlie 
 desire of making herself agreeable to Edward, 
 the inoffensive maiden only succeeded in alarm- 
 ing and irritating the one, whilst she mor- 
 tified the other. Her last resource in this di- 
 lemma was abruptly to rise, whicli she did 
 in the hope that lier absence might bring on 
 that consummation which Ellen so devoutly 
 wished — a conversation with Edward. But she 
 was mistaken — Edward had never loved Ellen, 
 and still less was he in a humour now to be- 
 stow any attentions upon her: therefore, like a 
 stricken deer which had received tlie shaft in
 
 264 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 its body, not knowing how to disengage itself 
 from the smart, — so he mechanically followed 
 Mary, pursuing her with the eyes, and longing 
 to renew the intercourse which had been esta- 
 blished between them. But the ball as well as 
 the day had by this time drawn to a close, and 
 strong symptoms of general departure became 
 manifest. 
 
 The gay scene during its various changes 
 and fluctuations might be compared to an ex- 
 hibition on a theatre ; but as it gradually glid- 
 ed from the drawing-room to the entrance- 
 hall, what with huddling on of cloaks, tying 
 up of throats, wrapping up heads, and pre- 
 cautionary ejaculations against cold and rheu- 
 matism, it soon partook in appearance more 
 of the approaches to an hospital. Every one 
 thought it right to pay a compliment to the 
 master and mistress of the house upon the 
 success of their day's entertainment, and they 
 took it with the same satisfaction that suc- 
 cessful ministers receive the praises of the pub- 
 lic after a fortunate measure. The arrogant 
 Tom attributed much of the glory of the fete
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 265 
 
 to himself, and in consequence thought that he 
 conferred a distinguished honour on Mary by 
 helping her to ascend the family vehicle — a pri- 
 vilege which Edward had ceded to him, satis- 
 fied with the permission he had received of 
 visiting Ivycote the next day. The lamps 
 and candles had scarcely begun to be extin- 
 guished ere Lady Thomson and Anne Wood- 
 by commenced the usual gossip upon the events 
 of the day ; whilst the disconsolate Ellen, who 
 had been unhappy throughout the evening, 
 began to regain her spirits, when she thought 
 that Mary being gone she would now have 
 Edward all to herself. Little did she know 
 that the affections she wished to secure were 
 not to be won by importunity. 
 
 VOL. I.
 
 266 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 A few consequences of dissipation described : the wisest may 
 become foolish . 
 
 How various are the feelings apt to arise in 
 every breast, male and female, after a series of 
 dissipation ! Hopes raised and depressed ; 
 anticipations not realised, pride mortified and 
 elevated ; the beginning of a new passion, the 
 extinguishing of an old one ; cold calculation 
 and sanguine scheming ; the excitement of lit- 
 tle spites, the progress of substantial hatreds ; 
 false delight and real enjoyment, hollow pro- 
 fessions and sincere congratulations ; — in short, 
 every smaller passion of the mind and spring- 
 ing of the heart are sure to be exercised dur- 
 ing the exhibition of what is often called this 
 rational amusement and innocent enjoyment.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 267 
 
 and are left to fructify in their consequences 
 by reminiscence. In the case of Edward 
 Manby, our subsequent narrative will show 
 how much the formation of his character and 
 the actions and fortunes of his future life 
 were biassed by the events which we have re- 
 corded in the foregoing chapter, which, acting 
 upon a noble and generous nature, were pro- 
 ductive of much good. 
 
 His companion, Tom, may also be cited as 
 another instance of the power of circumstances 
 to bias the character, although his case was 
 differently constituted. From what has al- 
 ready been said concerning him, the reader 
 may conclude that he was one of those low- 
 minded beings who, when brought into com- 
 petition with others of a superior cast at 
 school or college, was constantly subject to 
 contumely and mortification. Now, however, 
 he suddenly found himself elevated into a per- 
 sonage of consequence : he was proclaimed and 
 soon felt himself to be the heir of a wealthy 
 house ; his mean nature could not withstand 
 the adulation which directly and indirectly he 
 
 n2
 
 268 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 received, and thus he was confirmed in arrogance 
 and in all the attributes of a coxcomb. We 
 might continue to select cases from among the 
 different personages who were acted upon on this 
 occasion, particularly noticing Mr. and Mrs. 
 Woodby's pride of success, their daughters'* ex- 
 acerbation of vanity amidst other passions, the 
 first dawn of ambition in the ladies Allnutt to 
 give a fete, and the confirmation in the mind of 
 Abel of his distaste for worldly doings ; but it 
 would take us too far out of the path of our 
 narrative, and we will proceed to the time 
 when on the following morning Edward found 
 himself almost by stealth laying his plans for a 
 visit to Ivycote. 
 
 The discussions at breakfast upon the events 
 of the preceding evening were carried on with 
 great animation. Lady Thomson had been 
 exercising her powers of criticism upon the 
 whole fete, and particularly upon the ball, in 
 terms which showed how much she felt hurt 
 that sufficient attention had not been given to 
 her injunctions. Mrs. Woodby, to ward off 
 this attack, vented her observations upon Lady
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 269 
 
 Thorofield's fancy dress, which she asserted 
 was mean and shabby considering that she 
 was the wife of a lord ; her daughters laugh- 
 ed at Fanny Allnutt, and turned up their 
 noses at Mary's cheap muslin ; whilst Mr. 
 Woodby calculated what might be the cost 
 of the whole affair, and expressed indignation 
 at the drunkenness of one of the fiddlers, who, 
 not satisfied with beer, had insisted upon wine. 
 Availing himself of the little heed taken of 
 him, Edward quietly left the room, but in so 
 doing was not unobserved by Tom Woodby ; 
 for, proceeding with a quick step towards 
 Ivycote, he was mortified to hear himself call- 
 ed by name, and obliged in courtesy to await 
 the presence of Tom, who, having made a 
 guess at his intentions, had followed him with 
 the determination of accompanying him to the 
 habitation of her who engrossed both their 
 thoughts. The intimacy — for it could not be 
 called friendship — between these young men had 
 been fostered, assuredly not by any similarity 
 of tastes or dispositions, but by various circum- 
 stances scarcely necessary here to enumerate
 
 270 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Tom had found in Edward's easy disposition 
 more compliance to his domineering temper 
 than with others of his fellow-collegians ; and 
 Edward''s position in life naturally threw him 
 into the society of those who were acquaint- 
 ed with his relations, and who lived in some 
 degree in their neighbourhood. However 
 forbearing Edward might be in matters of no 
 importance, he was otherwise firm and uncom- 
 promising, and so he proved to be on the occa- 
 sion now before us, for proceeding towards 
 Ivycote, Tom undertook to rally Edward with 
 coarse and unseasonable merriment at his at- 
 tempt to steal a march upon him in visiting the 
 Allnutts, and continued in the same strain to 
 make remarks upon Mary — remarks so full 
 of licentiousness, that Edward was obliged to 
 rebuke him in a manner to which he had 
 seldom been accustomed. Tom taunting, Ed- 
 ward resenting — the one giving himself airs 
 of libertine superiority, the other allowing no 
 quarter to the coarseness of mind which was 
 exhibited — produced an angry tone of conver- 
 tion which was at its height when they reached
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 271 
 
 Ivycote, and they were introduced into that 
 peaceful abode hot with contention. 
 
 The family at Ivycote had equally been 
 taken up during the morning's meal with 
 discussions upon the events of the preceding 
 evening, and they were scarcely ended ere 
 Tom Woodby and Edward Manby were an- 
 nounced. Charmed and delighted at all they 
 had witnessed, Aunt Bab asserted that it stood 
 to reason, and that she was sure she was right 
 when she said that the parish would be all the 
 better for such doings, and that although there 
 might be some doubt about the propriety of 
 exhibiting charity children in the way they 
 had been, (nor did she much like the school- 
 master's song,) still they would be all the better 
 by a good school-house. Aunt Fanny was so 
 charmed, that she did not see why they too 
 should not give something of the same kind, 
 now that through John's ingenuity they had 
 grown so rich. Mary clapped her hands at 
 the thought ; whilst uncle Abel looked 
 thoughtful and shook his head. 
 
 When Tom and Edward entered, they were
 
 ^72 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 received with open arms, and the whole scene 
 was again discussed; whilst Mr. and Mrs. 
 Woodby were lauded up to the skies for their 
 public spirit. Tom endeavoured to appro- 
 priate as much of the honour and glory as 
 he could to himself — and always glancing at 
 Mary, strove to impress the company present 
 with his own importance. Edward meanwhile, 
 as he usually did, allowed himself to remain in 
 the back-ground, quite satisfied with the hearty 
 welcome by which he had been greeted, and 
 with the smile of recognition which he received 
 from Mary : but his companion, not satisfied 
 with vapouring, must needs endeavour to esta- 
 blish his superiority in matters foreign to the 
 present occasion, with a view, as he hoped, to 
 attract Mary and to confound Edward. 
 
 Abel having doubted whether the pains which 
 were taken now-a-days to educate the poor 
 would fulfil the general expectations, seeing 
 that owing to the corruption of the human 
 heart man was prone to turn benefits into chan- 
 nels of evil, Tom, perking up his little person 
 into the most erect perpendicular, exclaimed.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 273 
 
 " Egad ! sir, I am all for the people : I don't 
 see why a poor man may not read as well as a 
 rich one — one man is as good as another, any 
 day of the week." 
 
 " We are all equal, 'tis true, in the sight of 
 God," said Abel, "inasmuch as every one of us 
 will be tried by one and the same law ; but if we 
 were all to start fair, as in a race — all with the 
 same advantages of education, still in a very 
 little while some would get ahead of others by 
 mere superiority of intellect, and then their 
 equality would cease." 
 
 " Ah ! I see," said Tom, " you are one of 
 those who would truckle to a king, and his 
 vile and corrupt ministers." 
 
 '* As for truckling to a king," said Abel, 
 " I feel it my duty to love, honour, and obey 
 the king ; and if that is truckling, I do truckle. 
 As for his ministers, if they are vile and cor- 
 rupt, they will get their deserts in due time, 
 either from an earthly or a heavenly tribunal ; 
 but as long as they are in authority I obey 
 them." 
 
 " You are a regular king and constitution 
 
 n5
 
 274 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 boy, I see," said Tom, starting from his seat, 
 as if pleased with his exclamation. " I dare 
 say, now, you hate change and correction of 
 abuses." 
 
 " With respect to that," said Abel, " I do not 
 require changes for change's sake; but I am 
 all in favour of them if they be necessary. I 
 hold it for certain that every country gradually, 
 and according to circumstances, adapts its 
 laws and institutions to its own peculiar wants, 
 modes, and manners of life. A theory may be 
 very good, but it is only made perfect by prac- 
 tice. So, a shoemaker may make an excellent 
 pair of shoes upon the measure he takes of the 
 foot to be fitted ; but he never can prevent their 
 being a little uneasy at first, and they only 
 become agreable to the wearer after the leather 
 and the foot have adapted themselves one to the 
 other : and so it is with constitutions." 
 
 " I see," said Tom, again chuckling, " you 
 are a regular king and constitution man. I 
 hate constitutions as much as I do kings ! Sir, 
 give me liberty and equality, — it is our right, 
 and we will have it."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 275 
 
 " Never mind him," said Edward, who now 
 saw that Abel was becoming vexed ; " he does 
 not mean what he says. Ask him whether he 
 would consent to see us walk into Belvedere 
 Hall and help ourselves to what we liked by 
 way of liberty, and whether he is willing to 
 share his fortune with us in equal parts by 
 way of equality. I think I know what his 
 answer would be." 
 
 /* It stands to reason that he would not," 
 said Aunt Bab ; " and I am sure that I would 
 not like to give up our small house to any one 
 who chose to come in, however I might 
 wish to make everybody comfortable, no more 
 than the peasant would be pleased to see me 
 settle myself in his cottage, however glad he 
 might be to see me. I am quite sure I 'm 
 right to say, that God has assigned to every 
 one his lot and portion in this world, and with 
 that let him be content." 
 
 Mary, in the mean while, far from having 
 been smitten with Mr. Thomas Goold Wood- 
 by, junior, upon a nearer acquaintance, shrunk 
 from his advances in the same proportion
 
 276 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 that she showed herself happy in conversing 
 with Edward Manby, whose eyes seemed to 
 be so much fascinated by her beauty, that his 
 tongue almost forgot its articulation when- 
 ever she happened to address him. She in- 
 quired of him whether he had lately heard 
 from Liverpool — a place upon which the whole 
 of her thoughts were fixed, because it was from 
 thence she was anxiously expecting to receive 
 news from her father, but which for some 
 time past she had expected in vain. The 
 family had heard indirectly that he had landed 
 at Vera Cruz in safety, and that he had pro- 
 ceeded to Mexico ; but they had received no 
 direct communication from him. 
 
 "Ah, there has been a great hurricane in 
 the West Indies !" said Aunt Barbara with a 
 most geographical look, " and that must be 
 the reason ; and as it has blown a whole island 
 to pieces, it stands to reason that John's letter 
 might have been carried away in the di- 
 lemma.*" 
 
 " But Mexico is not in the West Indies," said
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 277 
 
 Abel very composedly, and perfectly recovered 
 from the late discussion with Tom. 
 
 " There you're wrong, Abel," said Aunt Bab, 
 " and I 'm sure I 'm right ; for did not Mr. 
 Wilkins, the great West India merchant, say 
 last night that we were now in as great 
 danger of losing our colonies as the Spaniards 
 theirs? Now, it stands to reason that as 
 all colonies are in the West Indies, Mexico 
 must be in the West Indies also — any child will 
 tell you that." 
 
 "So be it," said Abel with great resigna- 
 tion of look and voice ; " but I am afraid that 
 we must look to some more probable cause 
 than the one you have assigned for the absence 
 of John's letters." 
 
 " Nothing is so uncertain as the arrival of 
 a ship-letter," said Edward, wishing thereby 
 to give consolation to Mary's evident anxiety. 
 " The Atlantic is but an indifferent post-road, 
 and perhaps as many letters miscarry upon it 
 as reach their destination in safety." 
 
 " Time will show," said Mary with a tear
 
 278 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 starting in her eye, and suppressing a sigh ; 
 whilst Aunt Fanny, whose idee fixe had now 
 become the absolute necessity of giving a 
 something similar to what had been performed 
 at the Woodbys, suddenly addressing herself 
 to Tom, said, " Now, Mr. Woodby — now 
 don't you think our lawn would do vastly well 
 for dancing upon ? You see we might illumi- 
 nate the back of the kitchen so as to produce 
 a fine effect, and the musicians might sit on 
 the top of the cistern."" 
 
 Tom seemed rather to turn up his nose at 
 the proposal, thinking it a satire upon the 
 grandeurs of his family mansion ; but when 
 Mary, throwing off her anxiety, joined in the 
 scheme, and expressed her happiness at the 
 bare idea of such an undertaking, he made an 
 effort to look gracious ; whilst Edward, forget- 
 ting their past controversies, readily entered 
 upon the subject with zeal, and forthwith 
 walking out upon the lawn, seemed willing to 
 aid Fanny's ingenuity, and helped her to plan 
 out all the details of the forthcoming festi- 
 vities.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 279 
 
 " Now, don't you see," said the spinster, 
 ** that we have plenty of room ? Here we will 
 dance — there will be the fiddlers — in that corner 
 Betty can make the tea and the lemonade, — 
 benches will be placed under the trees for re- 
 pose, and the old folks may play at cards in the 
 parlour." 
 
 " That will be delightful !" exclaimed Mary. 
 
 "But who will come .?" said Tom in a tone 
 of contempt ; — " I should like to know who 
 will come all this way for tea and lemonade." 
 
 " What can we have more ?" again exclaim- 
 ed Mary, looking up in despair at her aunt, 
 and taking Tom's observation as oracular. 
 " What shall we do ? you know we cannot have 
 a ball without dancers." 
 
 " No more we can," said Fanny, equally 
 disturbed ; then having, as she hoped, called 
 up a bright thought, she exclaimed, " But we 
 can manage something more — nothing is more 
 easy ; let us have a rout besides." 
 
 " Psha !" said Tom with ineffable contempt, 
 as if he would say, " How ignorant of the world 
 are you !"
 
 280 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " What is a rout ?" said Mary. 
 
 " Lord Demone told me, I recollect very 
 well," said Fanny, " that when a number of 
 people are gathered together and fill a room so 
 full that they can't move, they call that a 
 rout." 
 
 " It is a very improper sort of an assembly," 
 said Aunt Bab : " it consists of people being 
 packed close together, and it stands to reason 
 that must be improper." 
 
 " Indeed !" said Fanny ; " I do not see that : 
 you can't help people being men and women." 
 
 " What you mean," said Tom, addressing 
 Aunt Fanny in a tone of superiority, — " What 
 you mean is what we call in French a soiri/ 
 dansang, or a dancing evening," pronouncing 
 his French words with all the confidence of an 
 academician. 
 
 "Exactly," said Fanny; "that's just what 
 I meant; — we want something or other to 
 dance." 
 
 " You may be certain," said Edward, " that 
 whenever people are inclined to be sociable and 
 good-natured, they will be happy to come to
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 281 
 
 you upon any terms. As to those who are not, 
 their absence is more to be desired than their 
 presence wished for." 
 
 Tom surlily quitted the house ; Edward 
 lingered on for some time after, to say a few 
 last words to Mary, and then left the inhabit- 
 ants of Ivy cote to the full enjoyment of a 
 party of pleasure by anticipation.
 
 282 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 No follies are more regretted than those produced by one's 
 own imprudence. 
 
 What at first had only been a matter of 
 mere speculation, in the course of a short 
 time, from the force of circumstances, became 
 one of necessity. It was very soon rumoured 
 abroad that the Allnutts of Ivycote were about 
 to give a ball, for that they had come to 
 their own again— that they were determined 
 to turn over a new leaf; and moreover, some 
 of the wiser heads added that the beautiful 
 Miss Mary was to marry the heir of Belvedere 
 Hall. The first symptoms of the forthcoming 
 muscular exercise broke out in the very house 
 itself: old Betty informed Aunt Barbara of 
 having heard it from Giles the postman — 
 who had been assured of the circumstance
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. ^83 
 
 by Mrs. Chaw, the chandler's wife — who had 
 been told of it by the clarionet-player — who had 
 had it from Mr. Napkin himself, the butler at 
 Belvedere; — in short, it was plain, she said, 
 " that a great dance was about setting in, 
 and that therefore it was their province to pre- 
 pare for it." 
 
 " That is very odd," said Aunt Bab ; " it is 
 very odd that Mrs. Chaw should know what I 
 do not know myself." 
 
 " It may be odd," said old Betty, " but so it 
 is — it is the general talk all over ; and what is 
 general, as the saying is, must be partikler 
 somewheres." 
 
 '' But it stands to reason," argued her mis- 
 tress, " that if we do not know it" — we who 
 are to give the ball, others surely cannot." 
 
 " That may be," retorted the old servant ; 
 " but, for all that, it is likely to be true ; be- 
 cause, as they all say, and true enough it be, 
 that as Master John, God bless him ! has got 
 all the mines in Mexico on his hands, and so 
 has got all the gold in the world, it is but 
 right that the family should hold up their heads
 
 284 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 again, and let the poor folks partake of their 
 good fortune." 
 
 Aunt Barbara, who had hitherto allowed her 
 sister and her niece to amuse their minds by 
 planning the entertainment without ever hav- 
 ing in her mind given her consent to it, was 
 struck with the concluding observation of 
 her old servant; and as anything which could 
 conduce to give pleasure to the poor was 
 always certain to have great weight with her, 
 without further balancing the expediency of 
 the act, all at once she became favourably in- 
 clined to its execution. On that very morning 
 at breakfast, the time when most family pro- 
 jects were discussed, she gave a hint that the 
 one in question was not so impossible as at 
 first was imagined. Abel stared, and again 
 shook his head, as his sister made known her 
 views ; but Fanny's delight and zeal taking fire, 
 she did not allow the subject to drop, but at once 
 opened the whole scheme, in a speech which, 
 had it been made in the assembly of the nation 
 and upon some graver topic, might have given 
 her fame and immortality. Mary seconded the
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 285 
 
 motion, more by liappiness of looks and charm 
 of countenance than by words ; and after an 
 animated discussion upon what the nature of 
 the festivities was to be, and upon those knotty 
 points, the who and the how, and the where 
 and the when, the determination might be 
 said to be conclusive. 
 
 " I have been thinking," said Aunt Bab, 
 *' that we may begin the day's amusement by 
 distributing flannel waistcoats and petticoats 
 and worsted stockings to the old men and 
 women of the parish, and giving roast beef 
 and plum-pudding to the charity children, 
 which will be very pretty among the potatoe- 
 beds in the kitchen garden ; and then, after 
 that, we may dance on the green and drink 
 syllabubs. 
 
 " But what shall we call it ?" said Aunt 
 Fanny, whose whole heart was set upon gen- 
 tility. " It must be called something. We 
 hear of archery meetings and musical meetings : 
 we could not call it a flannel-petticoat meet- 
 ing, could we .'^ It would be new perhaps ; bu 
 I do not think it would sound genteel, some-
 
 286 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 how. You know we must put something on 
 the cards of invitation." 
 
 " Call it simply a ball," said Aunt Bab. 
 '' It stands to reason that when people are in- 
 vited to dance, a ball is the consequence : they 
 must know that, in order to put on dancing- 
 shoes." 
 
 " Could we not call it a dance," said Mary 
 very humbly, " since it is to take place on the 
 lawn ? A ball, I believe, is generally performed 
 in a room." 
 
 " I like your idea of syllabubs very much, 
 Bab," said Fanny to her sister. " A cow may 
 be introduced with great effect, with the tallest 
 charity-girl dressed as a milkmaid. We might 
 put syllabubs in one corner of the card, and 
 dancing in the other : that, I think, would do 
 very well, and be reckoned smartish." 
 
 " If that was the case," said Aunt Bab, " we 
 might as well, put ' flannel petticoats' in the 
 middle : then all would be right." 
 
 " I tell you what," said Fanny, struck by a 
 bright thought ; " we had better consult Lady 
 Thomson — she is at Belvedere now ; and as
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 287 
 
 she knows all that is right and proper to do, I 
 am sure she will help us with her advice. Sup- 
 pose Mary and I were to drive over to her this 
 morning, and consult her and the Woodbys ?" 
 
 " I think you would do very well,""* said 
 Aunt Bab : " don't you think they would ?" 
 she said, addressing herself to Abel, who to 
 this moment had not opened his lips. 
 
 " I think," said Abel, " if they were to 
 consult some wiser heads than theirs, such 
 heads would tell them, ' Give no ball at all."* " 
 He said this in a half-smiling, half-serious man- 
 ner, not willing to check the spirits of his sisters 
 and niece on the one hand, and still unwilling 
 to conceal his own real sentiments on the other ; 
 for, in truth, he always had a misgiving that 
 the prosperity which they actually enjoyed 
 was not yet founded upon a sufficiently firm 
 basis to allow of their launching out into 
 expenses which might throw them out of their 
 depth. 
 
 " My dear Abel," said Bab, who having 
 acquiesced in the scheme, thought herself called 
 upon to defend it, — " My dear Abel, surely you
 
 288 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 can't think of opposing yourself to what is 
 likely to do the parish so much good and to 
 give us so much pleasure ! There is John, who 
 is now making his fortune, and who, everybody 
 says, is likely to be one of the richest men of 
 his day — surely he would not object to it : 
 on the contrary, would not he be the first to set 
 our plan going, and to insist upon our not 
 living hugger-mugger for ever in this corner 
 of ours without making others partake of our 
 plenty ? It stands to reason that nobody will 
 invite us out if we do nothing for them in re- 
 turn ; and have we not been at the Woodbys' — 
 and is not dear Mary to be seen a bit — and 
 arn't the poor to have something to keep them 
 warm in the winter? Surely it stands to reason 
 I'm right, and I am sure you think so too, only 
 you don't like dancing yourself." 
 
 Abel, who was not in the smallest degree self- 
 ish, when he heard himself accused of so odious 
 a feeling would have retorted with anger, but 
 his usual mildness and forbearance coming to 
 his aid, he said, " Bab, I was going to be 
 angry, but I will not. If you lay my opposi-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 289 
 
 tion to my distaste to dancing, I have no more 
 to say. I thought you knew me better ; and I 
 also thought that you would have discovered 
 the motives of my opposition to have been 
 grounded on something more than a mere 
 selfish feeling. Let the ball take place for pity's 
 sake, and I will say no more against it."' 
 
 Upon which Mary, whose affection for her 
 uncle was one of the leading feelings of her 
 heart, went up to him, and throwing her arms 
 round his neck, kissed him with the most tender 
 demonstrations of love and respect. 
 
 Aunt Fanny, and Mary by her side, drove to 
 Belvedere in the course of the morning. En- 
 grossed as they were with the object of their 
 visit, it was only when they began to ap- 
 proach the house that Mary recollected sud- 
 denly that she was about to see Edward ; and 
 the blush which overspread her face, had a keen 
 observer been present, would have disclosed to 
 him what she yet scarcely knew herself — that 
 her affections were in a fair way of becoming 
 irretrievably engaged. Her apprehensions that 
 her visit might be interpreted otherwise than 
 
 VOL. I. o
 
 290 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 it was meant, were quieted on perceiving at a 
 distance several sportsmen with dogs and fowl- 
 ing-pieces gliding through a distant wood, in 
 one of whom she recognised Edward ; and this 
 discovery giving her confidence, she and her 
 aunt alighted at the door, and were soon usher- 
 ed into the presence of Lady Thomson, Mrs. 
 Woodby and her daughters. 
 
 These ladies, with that quickness of compre- 
 hension belonging to women, having already 
 received intimation of the project in contem- 
 plation, exchanged glances when Aunt Fanny 
 and her niece were announced, and received 
 them with every demonstration of a hearty 
 welcome. After a certain proportion of devia- 
 tions from the straight line, Fanny all at once 
 came to the point by saying, " We have been 
 ?o much delighted with our day at Belvedere, 
 that we have been thinking that we might do 
 something also, and we want you to give us 
 your advice : it would be very good-natured 
 of you. Lady Thomson — you who know these 
 matters well, if you would just look in upon 
 us and see what can be done.''
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 291 
 
 Mrs. Woodby looked grave at this appeal 
 to Lady Thomson, when she esteemed herself 
 the higher authority ; Lady Thomson began 
 to swell with increased dignity at receiving so 
 great a compliment to her judgment; and the 
 two young ladies started up in rapture at the 
 prospect of the proposed gaiety. 
 
 " I shall be charmed, I am sure," said Lady 
 Thomson ; " for in justice to myself I must say, 
 that having had a good deal to do in that line 
 both at Cheltenham and at Bath, my hints 
 may not perhaps be entirely useless." 
 
 " How charming ! how delightful !" ex- 
 claimed Anne Woodby. 
 
 " I dare say it will be very nice,"" sighed 
 Ellen. 
 
 " I don't see where you can ever find room,'' 
 sternly pronounced Mrs. Woodby, *' to give 
 anything beyond tea and cards, — and that does 
 not require much management." 
 
 " Of course," said Aunt Fanny, venturing 
 her scrap of French, " it can only be in the 
 petit way ; but we think, with a little coaxing, 
 we can make it joli also." 
 
 o2
 
 Q92 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Let us see," said Mrs. Woodby : " you 
 have got a bit of lawn, a quarter of an acre of 
 kitchen-garden, some cucumber-beds that run 
 up to the back of the pig- sty, and your green- 
 house ; you can^ do much out of that." 
 
 " But we have trees on the lawn," said Aunt 
 Fanny, rather bridling up at this attack upon 
 their premises, " and we have benches under 
 them ; and everybody agrees they look pretty. 
 Then we have a great deal of laurel at the 
 back of the kitchen, with some very pretty 
 ivy that covers the long chimney : all that will 
 come in very well with lamps and festoons. 
 Then, you know, when dancing is going on 
 on the green, cards and tea may be going on 
 in the parlour ; and a very good place may be 
 managed for the music on the great cistern. 
 And then you know " 
 
 " Nothing can be said," observed Lady 
 Thomson, cutting Fanny short, " until we 
 have seen the place ; and although its dimen- 
 sions may be small, still much may be done, 
 when good taste and judgment are brought in 
 to its aid."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. ^93 
 
 " Taste and judgment, and all that sort of 
 thing, do very well in a place like this," said 
 Mrs. Woodby, evidently quite sore ; " and al- 
 though I say it who should not, nobody will 
 deny that it was very well done here and hand- 
 somely too : but really at Ivycote, it is too 
 much to expect great things there." 
 
 " La ! mamma, you mistake/' exclaimed Anne 
 Woodby. " Miss Fanny, you know, said it was 
 to be in the petit line ; and that is the contrary 
 of great. You know we danced in the great 
 vat at the brewery at Liverpool — at Edward 
 Manby's uncle's, I mean — and that was small 
 enough in conscience, and still we were all very 
 merry." 
 
 " Well, well, we shall see," said her mother ; 
 *' I am sure anything we can do we shall be 
 happy to do, and welcome; and so, Miss Fanny," 
 addressing her with a protecting air, " pray 
 let us know when you can receive us, and we 
 will drive over and hold a consultation on the 
 spot." 
 
 It was settled accordingly, that on the fol- 
 lowing day the ladies present should proceed
 
 294 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 to luncheon at Ivycote, and there decide what 
 might be done. 
 
 When Aunt Fanny and Mary were gone, 
 Mrs. Woodby exclaimed, "Well, I can't think 
 what can possess some folks, who have scarcely 
 got enough to make both ends meet, to be 
 thinking upon giving of balls ! — they must be 
 all stark staring mad. I always thought Aunt 
 Bab, as they call her, to be a sensible sort of 
 body ; but she is as great a fool as her sister, I 
 declare ! As for Mary, the niece, she is a poor 
 simpleton, and of course would dance any- 
 where when she could meet our Tom : but that 
 will never do— -that 's what it shan't." 
 
 " I wish it were so," thought Ellen in her 
 inmost mind. 
 
 " La ! mamma, how you do talk," exclaimed 
 Anne. " I declare Mary has no more thoughts 
 of Tom than she has of the Lord Mayor ; she 
 is a simpleton though, and if love is, it is not 
 there." 
 
 Lady Thomson wound up the conclave by 
 one of her knock-me-down speeches, in which 
 she put herself forward at every turn of sen-
 
 V 
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 295 
 
 tence, destroying all Mrs. Woodby's vapourings 
 by quoting great names and authorities — Chel- 
 tenham and Bath, and by deciding " that 
 everybody knew their own affairs best, and 
 that in justice to herself she must say that she 
 made it a point, and she laid it down as a 
 rule, never to meddle in the affairs of others." 
 
 The next day proved to be one of those hot, 
 suffocating days which occasionally seem to 
 make up for a long succession of chilling damp 
 weather by a short exhibition of concentrated 
 heat. At twelve o'*clock Lady Thomson and 
 Mrs. Woodby, both presenting a superficies 
 over which the sun delights to shed its beams, 
 and the two Miss Woodbys, ascended the car- 
 riage. It was long since so hot a day had been 
 known. The carriage was open, their parasols 
 were open, and so were their pores. During 
 the drive, the heat, the dust, and their own un- 
 explainable miseries so co-operated to derange 
 the good humour in which they had set out, 
 that by the time they reached their destina- 
 tion they were more like beings condemned 
 to undergo punishment than reasonable crea-
 
 296 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 tures proceeding to decide upon the affairs of 
 pleasure. Although Bab had spread her clean- 
 est tablecloth and her most alluring of lunch- 
 eons, nothing was talked of but the heat, the 
 dust, and the miseries of driving to such a 
 distance on such a day. 
 
 "Oof!" exclaimed Mrs. Woodby, blowing 
 freely from her lungs, and at the same time 
 using her pocket-handkerchief as an absorbent. 
 " Well, I declare, if I had known this, nothing 
 should have taken me out this day !" 
 
 " Really,"' said Aunt Barbara with her well- 
 bred quaintness, " I am quite sorry that you 
 have been incommoded — pray take something 
 to cool you. And you. Lady Thomson," ad- 
 dressing that lady, — is there anything that you 
 would like after your hot drive ? 'Twas so 
 good of you to come l'' 
 
 " The carriage was so small,*"* said Lady 
 Thomson, " that really my sleeves have been 
 quite flattened into regular frights ;" and then, 
 dusting herself the while, her face being in its 
 bright crimson a counterpart of Mrs. Wood- 
 by''s, she continued, " I do believe that you
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 297 
 
 have more dust in this part of the country 
 than in any other : your roads ought really to 
 be endited — it is such white dust too !" 
 
 " My bonnet will be spoiled," exclaimed 
 Anne as she blew ofF the dust and adjusted the 
 ribands."" 
 
 " I am sure I don't care about mine/' said 
 Ellen. 
 
 The falling of the wind stops the raging of 
 the sea : so a cool parlour and appropriate 
 refreshments helped much to allay the heat of 
 body and irritation of mind of the oppressed 
 ladies. But as a swell continues to upheave 
 the waters long after the storm has ceased, 
 so did the soothing attentions which they re- 
 ceived mitigate, but not entirely remove the 
 irritation. That this was the case was evident 
 as soon as Aunt Fanny led Mrs. Woodby and 
 Lady Thomson to the spot where their inge- 
 nuity was to be exercised. 
 
 '• Did not I tell you that there was not room 
 enough here to turn about in, much less to 
 dance ? I don't think you ever can make any- 
 thing out of this." 
 
 o5
 
 298 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 " Then allow me to say you 're mistaken,'*^ 
 said Lady Thomson. " Have not I seen a. fete 
 champkre given in a little back garden in many 
 a street in Bath ? and why it should not be 
 given here, I do not see. — We shall do vastly 
 well," she added, turning towards Aunt Fanny, 
 " and you '11 be able to get up something 
 mighty tasty. I think you might throw out a 
 temporary room out of that window (pointing 
 to the one which threw light upon the homely 
 staircase), which might be filled up with dra- 
 peries, and statues, and candelabras, and those 
 sort of things. But, my dear, to do that you 
 must pull down that horrid fright of a chim- 
 ney — that stands terribly in the way." 
 
 " Pull down the kitchen chimney !" ex- 
 claimed Aunt Bab in an agony of fright. 
 
 " Ay, my dear," said the inexorable Lady 
 Thomson, standing with her hands resting on 
 each hip, " indeed you must — down comes that 
 chimney as sure as fate." 
 
 " But it can't be," said poor Aunt Bab, turn- 
 ing with dismay towards Mrs. Woodby ; " you 
 know we must have our chimney."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 299 
 
 " Your chimney ! ah, to be sure," exclaimed 
 Mrs, Woodby, tossing up her nose in triumph, 
 *• to be sure you must have your chimney ! It 
 does not signify talking, Lady Thomson ; I told 
 you before, and I say so now, that you might 
 as well try to dance in the pigsties at Belve- 
 dere Hall as to get up a ball here." 
 
 " You surely are not going to put your 
 judgment in competition with mine !" said the 
 other ; " upon such matters mine was never 
 doubted. I would not allow that chimney to 
 stand if I were to die for it : in justice to my- 
 self, I would not." 
 
 " Some people may think themselves mighty 
 clever," retorted Mrs. Woodby, " and knock 
 people's chimneys about as if they "were so many 
 nine-pins ; but I am sure they should not knock 
 mine about. After having given a thing my- 
 self, I may be allowed to have an opinion." 
 
 In this manner did these two authorities 
 uj)on taste debate, until they had excited their 
 respective tempers into such a state of animo- 
 sity that it made the quiet possessors of the 
 chimney in dispute seriously wish that they
 
 300 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 would leave the house without further discus- 
 sion. Aunt Bab undertook to soothe Lady 
 Thomson by admitting that the chimney was 
 in the way ; Aunt Fanny agreed with Mrs. 
 Woodby that the place was small, and gave 
 every superiority she could desire to Belvedere ; 
 whilst Mary entertained the Miss Woodbys 
 upon such subjects as are apt to fill the minds 
 of young ladies when dress and dancing are in 
 the wind, until the carriage was ordered, and 
 the visiters returned whence they came.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 301 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 W/ien misfortunes occur, they are often sent at such times as 
 to produce the strongest impression. 
 
 Although Aunt Bab had been not a little 
 frightened at the destructive propensities ex- 
 hibited by Lady Thomson as a preliminary to 
 the festivities in contemplation, and out of affec- 
 tion for the old family chimney had almost 
 resolved in her mind to give up all idea of 
 carrying the project further, yet, upon can- 
 vassing the subject more in detail, she found 
 that the village and the country in general 
 were already so much 'up' about it, as it is 
 said, that she found it impossible to secede 
 without incurring all sorts of discreditable im- 
 putations. To knock down the chimney was 
 impossible, — in short, the whole family cried
 
 302 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 out shame at the very idea ; but Aunt Fanny's 
 mind had been so much bitten by the alluring 
 prospect of a temporary room with draperies 
 and festoons, that it was determined, instead 
 of turning the great cistern into an orchestra, 
 to erect the said piece of finery upon it, and 
 dismantling the staircase window, thus give 
 an easy access, and secure an appropriate place 
 for the display of the supper. They also hoped 
 thus to conciliate Lady Thomson, and at the 
 same time to secure the quiet possession of the 
 chimney. Uncle Abel shook his head as he 
 turned over the costs in his own mind ; but 
 the event was now become inevitable : reason, 
 common sense, and, what was still more urgent, 
 the banker's book — everything opposed it ; but 
 what fortitude was ever able to stand against 
 the wishes of women, influential servants, the 
 butcher and chandler and baker's wives, and, 
 what is still more irresistible, — " What will 
 the world say ?''"' 
 
 The peaceable mansion of Ivycote all at 
 once became the abode of noisy masons and 
 carpenters ; the lawn and grounds were usurp-
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 303 
 
 ed by arbiters of taste ; drapers and dealers in 
 tinsel hung about the unpretending apartments, 
 and cooks took possession of every avenue 
 leading to the kitchen. 
 
 The important affair of invitations and the 
 issuing of cards occupied the inmates. The 
 discussions to which this subject gave rise were, 
 as usual, long and various. Aunt Bab was for 
 asking everybody, for her generous heart 
 scarcely would admit of distinctions, particu- 
 larly of those distinctions which afflict the souls 
 of those whom the world call select ; but Aunt 
 Fanny was determined to be genteel, and there- 
 fore her exclusions were advanced with the ut- 
 most pertinacity. When Mary, with all hu- 
 mility, put in a word in favour of little Betsy 
 Cruikshank, the village attorney's daughter, 
 who, she avowed, had never danced but to the 
 sound of a boy's whistling, and who longed to 
 be present at a real ball, Aunt Fanny ex- 
 claimed that that could never be ; because that, 
 if little Betsy came, then the Silverstops and 
 Thickentales would expect to be invited too; 
 and if they came, all the parish must come.
 
 304 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 and then all the neighbourhood would be 
 offended. The utmost she could grant to 
 Mary's petition was, that Betsy might be al- 
 lowed to come in and help to * wash up ;"* and 
 then if an opportunity should offer, she might 
 be thrust into a country dance and welcome, 
 provided always that her hands were not too 
 hot, and that she did not make too much of a 
 clatter with her heels in footing it. 
 
 It had been settled by the authorities of 
 Belvedere that the most appropriate word as 
 applied to existing circumstances would be a 
 ' breakfast,' and with that indefinite designa- 
 tion the invitations were issued. It would re- 
 quire the jargon of a newspaper writer to de- 
 scribe the complete transmutation that took 
 place both in the exterior and the interior of 
 the homely cottage of the AUnutts, now that it 
 was prepared for the promised festivities. He 
 would inform you " that the tasty and elegant 
 suite thrown open on this occasion consisted of the 
 hall, the drawing-room, the breakfast-parlour, 
 and the dining-room ; the one ornamented with 
 exotics of the most costly character ; the next
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 305 
 
 fitted up with draperies a Paritique, resplendent 
 with mirrors and or-molu ; the third, a bijou, fa- 
 scinating the senses by its exquisite models of 
 art and virtu ; and the fourth exhibiting to the 
 astonished eye all that could entice the palate 
 and excite the appetite, the viands being pro- 
 vided without any consideration to expense, 
 the wines of the first-rate description, and the 
 fruits so choice and various that none but 
 royalty could ever expect to vie with either their 
 quality or profusion." He would then go on 
 to describe the temporary dancing-room where 
 Terpsichore was expected to appear on the 
 ' light fantastic toe,"* and the lawns laid out 
 more like the Garden of the Hesperides than 
 anything that could at present be produced in 
 this sublunary scene. — But we will return to 
 plain prose, to say that the snug cottage had 
 been turned into the most tawdry, vulgar, and 
 uncomfortable habitation that the imagination 
 can conceive, but which to the eyes and 
 imagination of its possessors appeared the 
 ne plus ultra of fashion and magnificence. 
 Aunt Bab applauded the surprising art of the
 
 306 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 cooks ; Fanny roamed with exultation through 
 the flowers and draperies ; Mary bounded about 
 with all the joyousness of a child ; and even 
 Uncle Abel himself seemed to catch the in- 
 fection, and wondered how the decrepid 
 mahogany, the old black -bottomed chairs, the 
 threadbare carpets, the washed-out curtains, 
 had disappeared, and how they had been re- 
 placed by bright colours and shining furniture. 
 As for the servants, they seemed to be at their 
 wits' ends. Old Betty did nothing but escort 
 the gaping neighbours in long processions to 
 view the wonders of the place ; whilst honest 
 Brown looked more alarmed than charmed at 
 an event which seemed to place his humble 
 exterior at variance with the splendour of the 
 house. Mrs. Chaw, as she viewed the display, 
 promised to herself to increase her prices ; the 
 butcher's wife hoped for a future increase of 
 custom ; and Mrs. Humphries flattered herself 
 that she might demand an advance of salary. 
 Merriday, the schoolmaster, planned a copy of 
 verses ; and Cruikshank looking grave, thought
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. S07 
 
 that something might be forthcoming for his 
 profession. 
 
 The morning at length came, and everything 
 beamed with pleasure and gaiety at Ivy cote. 
 Aunt Bab wore her grey gown; Aunt Fanny 
 did her best to revive the last remains of her 
 beauty by enlisting every bit of finery which 
 her wardrobe could afford to her aid ; and 
 Mary, whose thoughts would involuntarily re- 
 vert to Edward Manby at every glance which she 
 cast on her glass, came to the scene of action 
 brilliant in youth and beauty, and graceful in 
 simplicity of attire. Lady Thomson, who gave 
 herself the airs of lady patroness, accompanied 
 by the Woodbys, were the first to arrive, and 
 were soon followed by a long train of company, 
 who all seemed to be bursting with curiosity to 
 see what could be done by the Allnutts in their 
 nutshell. Various were the speculations on foot 
 regarding this new position which they had 
 taken ; for they had hitherto lived in such per- 
 fect seclusion, that their names, which once were 
 well known throughout the county, had almost
 
 308 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 been entirely forgotten. Some of the old peo- 
 ple who remembered the family well went 
 through their genealogy, their marriages and 
 intermarriages, with learned exactitude ; gave 
 the history of their ruin and downfall, and now 
 wondered at their rise. Others criticised with 
 all the candour of envy and malevolence, and 
 while they professed to admire, finished by con- 
 demning. The good-natured hoped that their 
 liberality would not be misplaced; those who 
 were not so, condemned this display as osten- 
 tatious and ill-judged, and, considering their 
 scanty means, as even wicked. 
 
 " If they think to catch Tom Woodby for 
 Mary,**' said one Mrs. Candour to Mrs. 
 Gossipall, " although she is no doubt a pretty 
 girl, they will be woefully mistaken ; — Tom is 
 not such a fool. Besides, Mrs. Woodby and 
 Lady Thomson are determined he shall get 
 something in return for the fortune he is to 
 have. No family knows better how many 
 ounces go to a pound than the Woodbys." 
 
 " She is pretty," said the other ; " but, la ! 
 what is beauty after all.^ doesn't it come one
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 309 
 
 day and go the other ? Look at old Fanny — 
 she was once a beauty, but what is now left 
 only serves to make a fool of her and the 
 laughing-stock of all the county." 
 
 In the mean while, the business of the day 
 began with every appearance of the most decid- 
 ed success. The pleasures which it was about to 
 bring forth were sanctified by acts of charity to 
 the poor, and by a substantial meal to the cha- 
 rity children, in the superintendence of which 
 Aunt Bab shone conspicuous, whilst she left the 
 care of the gaities to her sister and niece. 
 As the day wore away, and when the time for 
 dancing had arrived, the music struck up, and 
 the scene assumed an appearance of the most 
 lively gaiety and bustle. Edward, to the mor- 
 tification of his rival Tom, had secured Mary 
 for his partner ; and never were two mortals 
 happier than they during the time which they 
 passed in each other's society. So exhilarat- 
 ing was the scene, that Abel himself, forget- 
 ting the cold calculations of prudence, seemed 
 to have been changed into another being. He 
 was attentive to everybody's wants, and seemed
 
 310 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 to take pleasure in doing all in his power to 
 promote the pleasures of the day. 
 
 He was in the very act of plunging his 
 knife into a large pasty, when honest Brown, 
 without any of that tact which men of his cloth 
 are apt to possess, thrust into his hand a letter, 
 which had been brought by the postman. Abel 
 glanced at it, and discovered that it bore upon 
 it the London post-mark, and that it came from 
 his banker. Mr. Woodby, who was present, 
 and who had been eagerly waiting for his share 
 of the pasty, also cast his eye upon the letter, 
 which, practised as he was in such matters, 
 equally told him came from a London banker. 
 Had any keen observer been present to have 
 watched the countenances of both these men 
 upon a circumstance which apparently was of 
 small importance, he would have remarked 
 expressions very remote from those of indif- 
 ference. Approaching misfortunes frequently 
 cast their shadows before — the mind, appre- 
 hensive of evil, is ever on the watch — Abel 
 looked disturbed, and without exactly knowing 
 why, he almost feared to open the letter.
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 311 
 
 Woodby put on a look of entire carelessness, 
 and vociferated for his share of the pasty with 
 unusual merriment. Neither Bab nor Fanny 
 had seen the arrival of the letter — Abel alone, 
 besides the bearer thereof and Mr. Woodby, 
 was aware of its existence, and he had sufficient 
 power over himself to continue his duties at 
 the table until he could unobserved absent 
 himself: he then glided into his bed-room, 
 and locking the door after him, read as 
 follows : — 
 
 " Lombard-street. 
 " To Abel Allnutt, Esq. 
 
 " Sir, — We have the honour to inform you, 
 for your government, that by a recent commu- 
 nication made to us by Messrs. Baggs and 
 Bubbleby, agents for the Mexican Loan, of 
 which you are a shareholder, they inform us 
 that the payments on account of the dividends 
 upon that loan have been suspended, and will so 
 continue until further notice. 
 
 " We are. Sir, 
 " Your obedient humble servants, 
 
 " Longheads & Co."
 
 312 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 His eyes scarcely served him to read to the 
 end of this short letter : they seemed to have 
 lost their power ; as he held it in his hand, it 
 appeared like a blank piece of paper, and 
 he stood like one dreaming with his eyes 
 open. The scene which he had just left, the 
 noises which rang in his ears, the transition 
 from merriment to despair brought on by the 
 reception of this letter, had so bewildered his 
 senses, that in vain he endeavoured to recollect 
 himself — he could not shake himself from the 
 conviction that he was dreaming. At length, 
 slowly recovering, the whole truth broke upon 
 him in all its horror : all that he had so often 
 in the silence of his heart anticipated, was come 
 to pass ; their short-lived prosperity was over, 
 and ruin had overtaken them. He read the 
 letter over and over again, slowly meditating 
 over each word ; and then, when satisfied that 
 he could not be mistaken, he sank upon his 
 knees and poured out his heart in feelings of 
 resignation to the Author of his being. He 
 prayed earnestly for a renewal of strength in
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 313 
 
 support of the weakness and frailty of his na- 
 ture, and much did he require it at that par- 
 ticular moment; for the noise of music and 
 revelry which rose from below, acting upon 
 his frenzied mind like the spur applied to the 
 sides of the galled and distressed steed, would 
 nearly have deprived him of reason, had he 
 not had recourse to that only effectual source 
 of comfort. He arose calm and collected, 
 folded up the fatal letter with firmness of de- 
 meanour, and tlien returned to the festive 
 scene with the determination to allow nothing 
 to disturb its continuation to the last. He 
 would have looked gay, had it been in his 
 power; but he could not shake off the grave 
 look which, in spite of himself, had taken pos- 
 session of his face. On his return to the table, 
 Mr. Woodby was the first to read his looks, 
 and he could too well explain the cause of 
 their altered appearance; but instead of re- 
 specting the grief which he knew must exist 
 in his breast, the unfeeling, vulgar-minded 
 man, by way of a blind, exclaimed as he 
 
 VOL. I. p
 
 314 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 filled a bumper, " Ladies and gentlemen, al- 
 low me to propose a toast : here "'s a health to 
 Major Allnutt, and success to Mexico !" 
 
 These words were caught up and echoed 
 back with enthusiasm by every one present, 
 for all were anxious to express feelings of 
 good-will towards their hosts; but they acted 
 upon Abel like a shock of palsy. He could 
 scarcely master his wounded feelings : the sense 
 of the ruin which hung over him and his sis- 
 ters, and which was so much accelerated by 
 the heavy expenses which they had incurred 
 on this occasion, rushed upon his mind with 
 such hideous forebodings of imagination, that, 
 instead of returning Mr. Woodby's compli- 
 ment and the kind greetings of his friends, 
 he sat insensible and unmoved. He only re- 
 covered when he heard Barbara's voice ex- 
 claiming, with an unusual tone of merriment 
 in its accent, " Abel, what is the matter with 
 you ? don't you hear ? — arn't you more than 
 flattered ? It is your turn to speak : if ever 
 you were merry in your life, now is your time."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 315 
 
 The stricken man, making one desperate ef- 
 fort over himself, filled up to his own drinking 
 a bumper of wine, which on other occasions he 
 never touched, and drinking it off, roared out, 
 in a manner which astonished every one, a 
 rhapsody of words more like the ravings of 
 a madman than the calm self-possession of an 
 orator; and these having been received as an 
 expression of his thanks, all the world were 
 agreed that gaiety had done Mr. AUnutt a vast 
 deal of good, and that there was nothing like 
 dissipation to bring out a man's latent energies. 
 The wine, however, which he had thus drunk 
 produced a useful effect — it brought on heavy 
 stupefaction which kept his senses in a dream- 
 ing state, and thus preserved him from dwelling 
 upon the sad reality of his position. He soon 
 became a source of merriment to the more sober 
 guests. His sisters were surprised ; but attri- 
 buting this excess to the temptation of being 
 convivial, they smiled, when before they would 
 have been horrified, and therefore left him to 
 himself. But Mary, whose whole heart was
 
 316 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 wrapt in her affection for her uncle, and who, 
 having seen him return to table after his visit 
 to his bed-room, had remarked the change 
 which had taken place in his countenance and 
 appearance, and had also paid attention to his 
 subsequent conduct ; — she felt a bitter pang on 
 perceiving his situation, and became alarmed 
 that all was not right — that something of 
 serious import must have happened so sud- 
 denly to produce such a change. Forgetting 
 the delight of Edward's conversation, she hung 
 about Abel for the rest of the evening, and en- 
 deavoured by her questions and entreaties to 
 discover what could have happened. Was he 
 well ? had he received any bad news ? had he 
 heard anything from her father ? All these 
 questions she asked in their turn ; but she re- 
 ceived no other answer than a doleful shake 
 of the head. 
 
 At length the festivities with the day drew to 
 a close. As the last carriage drove off. Aunt 
 Fanny, as if anticipating futurity, exclaimed 
 with a sigh, " It's all over ! — Well, it has been 
 our first, and I suppose will be our last."
 
 ABEL ALLNUTT. 317 
 
 Aunt Bab was overflowing with joy, for she 
 had received Lady Thomson's and Mrs. Wood- 
 by's warmest approbation ; the former of whom 
 assured her she had never seen anything better 
 done even at Cheltenham ; and the latter, with- 
 out showing the least envy, exclaimed, " I de- 
 clare I could not, have done better myself had I 
 set about it — and all too without knocking down 
 the chimney !" 
 
 Abel had retreated to his room as early as he 
 could with decency; and when his sisters in- 
 quired after him, Mary with a dejected look re- 
 marked that she was afraid that her uncle was 
 not well, for that he looked miserable, and had 
 gone to his room, she was afraid, with a bad 
 headach. 
 
 " It stands to reason," exclaimed Bab, " that 
 he is not quite right — he has never been accus- 
 tomed to such gay doings ; and that bumper of 
 wine, which he took off like so much water, it 
 was too much for him ! But he will be well to- 
 morrow ; a good dose of camomile will set him 
 to rights if nothing else will, and he shall take it 
 to-morrow morning the first thing on getting up."
 
 318 ABEL ALLNUTT. 
 
 Mary shook her head ; Fanny took one long 
 survey of the scene of the expired gaiety, and 
 went to bed'; Bab lingered till the last lights 
 were extinguished, and the cottage was again 
 restored to its usual quiet. 
 
 END OF THE FIRST VOLUME. 
 
 LONDON : 
 PRINTED BY SAMUEL BENTLEY, 
 
 Dorset Street, Fleet Street.
 
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 UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS-URBANA 
 
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