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 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 VOL. I,
 
 The following Works will he published immediately 
 BY COCHRANE AND PICKERSGILL, 
 
 11, WATERLOO PLACE : 
 
 THE YOUNG MUSCOVITE; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE POLES IN RUSSIA: 
 
 Aa Historical Novel, from the Pen of Michael Zagosken, (de- 
 dicated to Sir Walter Scott, Bart.) translated by a Russian Lady 
 of Rank, and edited by CAPT. FREDERICK CHAMIER, R.N. 
 In 3 Vols, post 8vo. 
 
 II. 
 
 THE CLUB BOOK; 
 
 CONSISTING OF 
 
 ORIGINAL TALES BY THE FOLLOWING AUTHORS: 
 
 ALLAN CUNNINGHAM, Esq. Author of Sir Marmaduke 
 
 Maxwell, 
 JOHN GALT, Esq. Author of Annals of the Parish, 
 LORD FRANCIS LEVESON GOWER, The Translator of 
 
 Favstus, 
 JAMES HOGG, Esq. Author of The Queen's Wake, 
 G. P. R. JAMES, Esq. Author of Richelieu, 
 A. PICKEN, Esq. Author of The Dominie's Legacy, 
 Mr. power, Author of The Lost Heir, 
 &c. 6cc. 
 In 3 Vols, post 8vo. 
 
 PREPARING FOR PUBLICATION : 
 
 NEWTON FORSTER; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE MERCHANT SERVICE. 
 
 By the Author of " The King's Own." 
 lu 3 Vols, post 8vo.
 
 THE 
 
 STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 
 
 A TALE OF REAL LIFE. 
 
 BY OLIVER MOORE. 
 
 The web of our life is of a mingled yarn; good and ill together. Oui 
 virtues would be proud if our faults whipped them not ; and our crimtM 
 would despair if they were not cherished by our virtues. 
 
 IN^HREE VOLUMES. 
 VOL. I. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR 
 
 COCHRANE AND PICKERSGILL, 
 
 11, WATERLOO PLACE, PALL MALL. 
 
 1831. 
 
 /
 
 « 
 
 'RINTED BY A. 
 
 VAI.PY, RED LION COURT, FLEET STREET.
 
 Z^3 
 
 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 1 ran it through 
 
 Even from my boyish days ! 
 
 A man's actions during the first years of his hfe 
 are so httle dependent on himself, that he can 
 neither claim much merit for any virtue they 
 exhibit, nor incur great blame for their folly. 
 The good and the evil of our childhood properly 
 belong to the parent or guardian whose au- 
 thority we are bound to respect, and whose 
 example we are taught to imitate. 
 
 From my fifth year to the age of eight I was 
 doomed to endure the horrors of a preparatory 
 
 VOL. I. A
 
 2 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 school, kept by a prim old maid, under the 
 discipline of whose thimble finger my head 
 smarted ten times a day for alleged stupidity. 
 But at that joyous stage of hfe, being released 
 from the petticoat, I was entered on the roll of 
 junior boys at a large academy near Trinity 
 College, Dubhn, where my two senior brothers 
 had already been established upwards of two 
 years. 
 
 The elder was from my earliest recollections 
 an eccentric boy, reserved even to bashfulness in 
 manner ; cold, formal, and pedantic in address ; 
 embarrassed, if not awkward, in carriage : although 
 with a personal appearance every way prepossess- 
 ing, he seldom made his way in company; tor- 
 mented with morbid sensitiveness of feeling, which 
 formed the great drawback on his youthful plea- 
 sures, he was perpetually fancying some slight or 
 neglect, where none was ever contemplated ; his 
 noble sense of justice in all his schoolboy trans- 
 actions, his inflexible fidelity to truth, even under 
 the terrors of that punishment which was ever 
 sure to follow the avowal of any act of insubordi- 
 nation or misconduct, had much endeared him to 
 the regard of our worthy master, whose feelings
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. J 
 
 were oftentimes placed in painful conflict with his 
 duty. But having one hundred of us to control, 
 the benevolent wishes of the kindest and best of 
 hearts were forced to yield to stern duty. 
 
 Excellent man ! how well do I recollect his 
 pompous strut across the brief court-yard which 
 separated the school-room from his house of resi- 
 dence, and the audible hawks ! and hems ! with 
 which he never failed to give tidings of his ap- 
 proach. The boisterous noise of five score 
 tongues, and twice as many hands, was in an 
 instant subdued into broken murmurs, and before 
 his well-powdered head displayed its snowy 
 honors in the school-room, all was mute, save the 
 soft hum of affected application to the lessons of 
 the morning. 
 
 With buckles bright as his own imagination — 
 shoes like polished ebony — broad-striped silk 
 stockings, (erst called patent,) with ^toes most 
 gracefully pointed, in measured pace he moved on 
 towards his throne, kindly returning those re- 
 spectful salutations which the senior boys, spite of 
 their flushed and moistened brows, and still pant- 
 ing breasts, presumed to bestow. Our master was 
 of commandinor fi«rure and fine countenance — an
 
 4 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 excellent scholar — tolerably fair poet — inveterate 
 punster — a walking dictionary of classical quota- 
 tions ; and, better than all these, a kind, an 
 honest, and religious man ! 
 
 In the front rank of riot and rebellion my 
 second brother was ever to be found : on every 
 outrage or disorder in the school, the finger of 
 suspicion usually pointed at him: he was at once 
 a dangerous and agreeable associate for the com- 
 panions of his form. His passion for disputation 
 was so strong, that he frequently got up charges 
 against himself for the eclat of making his bold 
 and ingenious defence ; for, to the honor of our 
 worthy master, he never punished without hearing 
 all that could be urged in refutation of an alleged 
 offence, or in palliation of an admitted one ; and 
 when he found a defence exhibit signs of genius, 
 the mildness of the chastisement, and the readi- 
 ness with which his ear caught the cry o^ pardon, 
 Sir, pardon! from sympathising class-fellows, 
 proved at once the goodness of heart, and the 
 pride of the master. This brother was destined 
 for the bar — he remained but one year at school 
 after my entrance, and had he not been removed 
 by our parents, the necessity of ridding the esta^
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 5 
 
 blishmeiit of such an unruly member would have 
 compelled the principal to risk their friendship by 
 soliciting his removal. Volatile and capricious 
 by nature, overbearing from long habits of indulg- 
 ence, and occasionally tyrannical, the boy felt the 
 mildest discipline as an intolerable restraint ; and 
 being perniciously indulged with unlimited pocket- 
 money by a doating mother, he bought boys' golden 
 opinions instead of earning them. Poor fellow ! 
 he terminated his earthly career at the age of four- 
 and-twenty ! the victim of that premature debility 
 which precocity in every species of debauch and 
 dissipation engenders. 
 
 As for myself, I was anything but the sheepish 
 pedant my elder brother appeared — I had more 
 of the milk of human kindness in me than the 
 other. With not one quarter of the solid talents 
 of the former, (who remained at our school,) I was 
 extolled as a prodigy of early capacity, and eter- 
 nally thrown in his teeth as obtaining the start of 
 him : this false elevation gave me pain, for I was 
 conscious how little I deserved it. 
 
 The faculty of memory was in me so powerful, 
 that, on a single reading, the remembrance of a 
 whole chapter became an easy task : added to
 
 6 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 this, I wrote at the age of ten a beautiful hand, 
 and as quick as thought; so that when others 
 were toihng over the fair copy of their exercises 
 for the morning, mine were ah'eady finished, and 
 under the inspection of the first usher ; I was a 
 hare amongst the tortoises — and no more : they 
 all beat me in the long run ! 
 
 Bold and loquacious abroad, I was at home 
 all diffidence and modesty ; not from hypocrisy, 
 for that vice I ever did and ever shall despise ; 
 but there I was borne down and subdued by my 
 imperious second brother, who made me his fag ; 
 in return however I was allowed to ride his pony 
 every evening, and to figure away each Thursday 
 and Saturday at our dancing academy, in his 
 cast-off dress-pumps, and a pair of repudiated 
 silk stockings. 
 
 My eldest brother, an eccentric by nature, 
 vibrating in his choice of professions between the 
 pulpit and the bar, determined in externals to 
 imitate the gravity of both, and invariably ap- 
 peared on our dancing evenings in a suit of sables : 
 the solemnity of his smile when soliciting the 
 hand of the daughter of some man of figs or 
 tallow for the dance, was truly awful ; it was
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 7 
 
 (as Curran, I believe, once observed in a similar 
 case) like the platings on a coffin ! while his in- 
 tended compliments w^ere so elaborately pedantic, 
 as to be wholly misunderstood by those to whom 
 they were addressed. 
 
 He too was bred to the law, but the law was 
 not bread to him : he chose the humbler rank of 
 the profession ; but he was too kind-hearted, too 
 much the slave of truth, honor, and good feeling, 
 ever to prosper in a line of life, in which (with 
 reverence be it said to the few who adorn that, 
 as they undoubtedly would any other profession) 
 the absence of all these qualities proves the 
 most certain road to wealth and success. 
 
 Up to the commencement of my thirteenth year 
 I had never been separated from my family. Dur- 
 ing the summer season we usually passed three 
 or four months at Lucan, a delightful village 
 within seven miles of Dublin, and nearly adjoin- 
 ing the romantic Leixlip, celebrated for its various 
 beauties in that ancient ditty. 
 
 " Though Leixlip is proud of its close shady bowers, 
 Its cool-falling waters and murm'ring cascades." 
 
 At this place my mother had established a kind
 
 8 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 of draw-farm, where (although an eternal com- 
 plainant of the infidelity and inconstancy of her 
 spouse) she contrived to rear ten out of nineteen 
 children, which she had borne him ! 
 
 My father almost every year passed a month 
 or six weeks in the south of Ireland, of which 
 province he was a native, and in a lovely and 
 far-famed portion of which his family at some 
 early period of the national history must have 
 held no inconsiderable rank, to judge from the 
 circumstance that a town (which yet presents the 
 remains of ancient grandeur) derives its name 
 from being the burial place of the clan, and 
 that it to this hour presents the spectacle of two 
 immense piles of skulls, which when again em- 
 bodied will present an army of many thousand 
 sinners ! 
 
 He also made occasional trips to England, on 
 one of which I was allowed to draw lots with 
 my second brother for the chance of accompany- 
 ing him. Whether for future good or evil, the 
 luck (as I then deemed it) was mine, and in the 
 summer of 1790 I left home for the first time, 
 contemplating with a throbbing heart the various
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 9 
 
 scenes and changes through which I was destined 
 to pass in the course of my journey. 
 
 My wardrobe was considerably enlarged for 
 the occasion. Amongst other finery I found a 
 blue coat with orange-velvet cuffs and collar, 
 and gilt buttons, which were impressed with the 
 equestrian figure of William III. — the inscription 
 1st July, 1690, beneath. Little did I then know 
 the nature of the badge I so proudly wore ; but 
 it was my first and last appearance in the 
 character of an Orange-man! The reasons for 
 this masquerade were as follow : — 
 
 Our route for England was to be pursued by 
 way of the north of Ireland and Scotland ; and 
 my father determined to indulge me with a sight 
 of the grand raree-show, which all the good and 
 loyal Protestants of the north had for the pre- 
 vious six months been engaged in getting up, to 
 celebrate the centenary of the Battle of the 
 Boyne! The uniform fixed on by the Orange 
 committee for the occasion was that which I 
 have described : those however who were to take 
 a distinguished part in the processions, wore, be- 
 sides the orange-cuffs and collar, silken scarfs 
 and knee-bands of their much beloved colour.
 
 JO THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 I observed, that while my father dressed me 
 up for this grand display in the costume of as- 
 sumed loyalty, he did not v*^ear the uniform 
 himself, but appeared in the regimentals of the 
 volunteer corps, the Dublin Liberty Rangers, 
 of v^hich he was a member : it was scarlet with 
 facings of green ; thus indulging his irradicable 
 love for the colour of the land of his birth, with- 
 out appearing in the least degree to shght the 
 ceremony, or compromise his loi/al feelings !
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. Jl 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 The first of July in old Bridge Town 
 There was a grievous battle. 
 
 Old Orange Song. 
 
 We reached Drogheda on the 30th of June : the 
 business of the next day was commenced by 
 a furious cannonade on the Banks of the Boyne, 
 which must have frightened every spangled salmon 
 from his oozy retreat. At noon half the popula- 
 tion was up to the knees in water ; the battle 
 however was waged in harmless style. Duke 
 Schomberg was shot with a squib in the ford at 
 Old Bridge ; and King William, mounted on a 
 white charger, and dressed up with a huge wig 
 and tin cuirass, led on his troops in person to the 
 attack of the undefended left bank of the Boyne, 
 where (instead of warlike representations of poor 
 King James's army) he was received by the
 
 12 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 '^ whole corporation, just-asses and mayor" of the 
 right worshipful, the right loyal, and then ultra- 
 Orange town of Drogheda ! 
 
 While in this neighbourhood, I had an oppor- 
 tunity of seeing the beautiful demesne of Collon, 
 the seat of the late Lord Oriel, a treat worth 
 a journey of a hundred miles at any time, and 
 also Slane Castle, that of the present Marquess 
 of Conyngham. The town itself, although I saw 
 it of course to great advantage, crowded with all 
 the neighbouring nobility and gentry, appeared 
 to me a most agreeable and fashionable place ; as 
 well paved and lighted as the best part of the 
 metropolis. During the week of festivity, the 
 theatre was every night crowded to the ceiling. It 
 was under the management of Mr. O'Neill, father 
 of that delightful tragedian, whose retirement 
 from the dramatic world has left a void which 
 will probably never be filled with equal talent. 
 From what I recollect of the performances they 
 were execrable : if such was Miss O'Neill's Thes- 
 pian school, she must indeed have been a heaven- 
 born actress ! One laughable incident I well re- 
 member : during the performance of the Agree- 
 able Surprize^ (in which the once celebrated
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 13 
 
 Cornelys was the Lingo,) a person meanly attired 
 forced his way into the pit (which was nearly 
 on a level with the stage) without taking the trou- 
 ble, or indeed having the means to pay. The 
 manager, jumping over the narrow orchestra, 
 sprung upon the insolvent intruder, and fairly 
 kicked him out of doors ! — he then with a degree 
 of activity (remarkable for such a stout heavy 
 man) sprang again on the boards, and went 
 through the remainder of his part, that of the 
 kind and hospitable Sir Felix Friendly with 
 spirit and applause. 
 
 From Drogheda we proceeded through the 
 rural town of Dundalk, thence to the thriving 
 and mercantile one of Newry — on to Belfast the 
 ultonian metropolis. At all these places the 
 Orange mania raged ; but not with that fierce and 
 ferocious spirit which disgraced its partizans of 
 later years. My father continued to wear his 
 volunteer uniform ; I my blue and Orange, which 
 would of themselves have proved passports to 
 welcome and good cheer in this hospitable town, 
 even without the introductory letters which my 
 father brought to some of the most respectable 
 merchants of that flourishing mart of industry and
 
 14 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 entei-prize, Belfast. During our short stay at this 
 town, I was indulged with an excursion to the 
 Giant's Causeway, which struck me then as it 
 did in after years, when I viewed it with more 
 attention, as one of those extraordinary features of 
 nature which once seen can never be forgotten. 
 
 On our progress towards the port of embarka- 
 tion we passed the neat little towns of Lisburn, 
 (its bleaching grounds presenting alternate streaks 
 of emerald green and snowy white, extending far 
 as the eye could reach,) of Hillsborough, and 
 lastly, Bonaghadee, — (Heaven help the English 
 jaws attempting to pronounce this awful name 
 with its due guttural force !) These pretty towns, 
 which do credit to the province, were but named 
 and passed. ^^ The wind sat on the shoulder of our 
 sail;'' and in three hours, from land to land, we 
 found ourselves safely on shore at Port Patrick I 
 Heaven bless the name ! had it been St. Andrew 
 it would not have sounded half so sweet to the ear 
 of the Irish boy, whose foot for the first time 
 pressed the sod of a foreign land. 
 
 How we got to Edinburgh I neither knew nor 
 heeded ; not seeing any thing in the land of cakes 
 to admire, or engage my particular attention, un-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 13 
 
 til I reached the capital, when all was new, 
 strange, and astonishing to me. The inequality of 
 the ground, the. apparently interminable height 
 of the buildings, the garb, the accent, and em- 
 ployments of the lower orders, were all subjects of 
 deep attention and surprise ; not unmixed with 
 feelings, little complimentary to the Caledo- 
 nian character and habits. The new town was 
 then becoming thickly inhabited ; that portion 
 called the old town (already but too much in 
 p-r* Sktx^ ^' nud- odeur") was voted a bore; yet it was in 
 that part of Auld Reekie that our quarters lay. 
 After two long days (which to me seemed an 
 a^e) we took our leave of modern Athens, ac- 
 companied by a fellow traveller, if I may so term 
 a lady, who had been on a visit to some northern 
 friends, and who was introduced by our hostess 
 as *' an agreeable companion in a post-chaise.^' 
 She was a woman of extremely engaging face and 
 good person, but whom I thought a superannuated 
 being — I should presume she was nearly forty years 
 of age ! After the usual ceremonies and arrange- 
 ments as to expense, 8cc., we took our seats; each 
 of the adults occupied their comer, whilst I sat in 
 the centre as bodkiiiy rather stinted in room. I
 
 16 
 
 THE STAFF OFFICER 
 
 was induced occasionally to stand up and loll out 
 of the front, to indulge my curiosity by a view of 
 the country ; during which my ever gallant sire 
 made some observations, inaudible to me, to his 
 fair companion, on the beauty of the prospect I 
 suppose. Whatever they were, it was evident they 
 were not displeasing, as the flushed cheek and 
 sparkling eye of the lady gave testimony. 
 
 On arriving at our stage — Berwick, I be- 
 lieve — late in the evening, some conversation 
 took place in low whispers, in which I could 
 hear ^' the child'' often mentioned. Whatever 
 was the nature of their confabulation, it appeared 
 to have ended in the most amicable under- 
 standing. The lady, taking me by the hand, 
 called me ^' her dear," and led me into the house, 
 while papa superintended the unloading of our 
 joint luggage. Every comfort the good inn af- 
 forded was lavished on me, and my kind pro- 
 tectress herself took the trouble to put me to bed, 
 bestowing on me at parting a kiss so maternal, 
 that it set my young mind on the spirit of con- 
 jecture for a full hour. Youth and nature, how- 
 ever, asserted their claims, and I was locked in 
 profound sleep, when the summons to rise was
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 17 
 
 given next morning-. On descending to the par- 
 lour, the cheerful looks of both parties, the hand- 
 some nosegay presented to me by the lady, who, 
 by the way, appeared ten years younger for the 
 good night's rest and a bountiful breakfast, made 
 me one of the happiest of boys. 
 
 On setting out that morning, I was indulged 
 with a corner seat to myself, in order to have my 
 full view of the country, the lady condescending 
 to accept of the bodkin seat ; surely nothing, I 
 thought, could be more amiably kind. Thus we 
 proceeded on our journey, all parties in the highest 
 spirits, until we reached Newcastle, where, at the 
 inn door, the husband of the lady waited to re- 
 ceive her. The warm terms in which she bore 
 testimony to my papa's kind attentions to her 
 during the journey, added to the inexpressible joy 
 she evinced at once more meeting her dear Ham- 
 bleton after a painful separation of six weeks, ab- 
 solutely brought tears of gratitude into the reve- 
 rend and unsuspicious eyes of the good shovel- 
 hatted husband ; and the sonorous smack which, 
 with uxorious incaution he bestowed on the 
 pouting lip of his beloved at the conclusion of her 
 rhapsody, proved at once his confidence and connu-
 
 18 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 bial bliss. The whole party had tea together very 
 comfortably ; and we retired at nine o'clock, after 
 a very tender parting on our sides with the parson 
 and his amiable lady. 
 
 At six the next morning we were packed into a 
 stage coach of six inside, and were not to break 
 our fast till we reached Darlington. Stage-coaches 
 m those days did not get over the ground as they 
 do at present, at the ten-miles -an-hour pace; nei- 
 ther was their construction very well calculated 
 for repose. I became heartily sick of the morn- 
 ing's jaunt; and leaning my head on the shoulder 
 of my next neighbour — (a worthy old lady, who, 
 with her husband and two fat fubsy daughters, 
 were on the route from Newcastle to Manchester, 
 by way of Leeds,) I tried to compose myself for 
 a nap ; but I found it as impossible to keep 
 my eyes open as my ears shut ; the old gentleman 
 and his wife snored a Lancashire duet, which was 
 the death of sleep ! while, on the opposite seat, 
 my worthy dad, entertaining the young ladies in 
 his peculiar way, seemed quite at home. What he 
 could possibly see, hear, feel, or understand, in 
 these lasses, to call forth such torrents of flattery 
 as he poured on them, I could not for the life of me
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 19 
 
 discover. From my earliest recollections, I hated 
 (like Byron) a dumpi/ woman. These girls were both 
 so : both had light, frizly, flaxen hair, large blue 
 bogle eyes, line but neglected teeth, most redun- 
 dant bosoms, with a peculiarity of shape in the 
 lower moiety of their persons, which would render 
 theni liable to a double charge for sitting room in 
 any place or vehicle where seats were let by ad- 
 measurement. I abhorred his bad taste, and kept 
 a most perverse silence, although repeatedly in- 
 vited to engage in conversation with them. My 
 fatlier contrived to divide his attentions with so 
 much tact, that each seemed equally flattered and 
 gratified ; and when at Leeds the parting mo- 
 ments arrived, he bestowed on each, with the con- 
 sent of the laughing parents, a kiss, which lasted 
 thirty seconds by the clock of the cloth hall ! 
 The good old lady gave us an invitation to her 
 house in Watergate Street, Manchester, should we 
 ever visit that town ; a compliment in which the 
 daughters most heartily joined. In the progress 
 of our journey southward that day, I happened to 
 remark that I thought our late fellow-travellers 
 vtry ugly ! an observation at which my father 
 laughed most heartily, replying, ^^ My good boy.
 
 20 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 take my word for it there is no such thing as a 
 perfectly ugly woman in the creation ; the plainest 
 of them have some redeeming point of beauty.'* 
 He was, to be sure, an authority on that subject, 
 and I became silent.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 21 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Full are thy cities with the sons of art ; 
 And trade and joy in every busy street 
 Mingling are heard. 
 
 thy crowded port, 
 
 Where rising masts an endless prospect yield, 
 Witli labour burn. 
 
 Our last night on the road was passed at Barnet, 
 shortly after leaving which, London, vast London, 
 broke on my astonished view, the extent of which 
 my eyes in vain attempted to embrace ; I fancied 
 every inch of the road a mile, from Highgate to 
 town. But how great was my mortification and 
 disappointment, after all I had heard and read of 
 its splendor, on reaching it, the reader may ima- 
 gine when he learns that our route lay through its 
 vilest avenues ; filthy Smithfield, and all those 
 narrow nasty lanes which led to the George Inn, 
 Aldermanbury. When my father gave his direc-
 
 22 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 tions to the post-boy at Barnet, I fully persuaded 
 myself we were on our way to the house of some 
 civic friend of his, and was cruelly grieved on our 
 halt to discover that Alderman Bury was a place — 
 and not a person ! However, it had often before been 
 my father's earliest resting-place, as his business 
 was in the first instance confined to that portion of 
 the metropolis exclusively tefmed the " city." As 
 that which now brought him to London would 
 not detain him in that quarter above two or three 
 days, he determined for my sake to get through 
 it quickly, and afterwards seek our pleasures at 
 the more fashionable end of the town. His affairs 
 appeared to have been satisfactorily settled : what- 
 ever was the nature of them, I was most mate- 
 rially benefited, as besides a present of three 
 guineas to lay out just as I pleased, my father 
 purchased a variety of articles of dress for me, 
 vastly superior in cut and quality to any I had 
 ever seen on our side of the channel. I was quite 
 enraptured with my situation and with his libe- 
 i-ality, and this grateful feehng kept me silent as 
 the grave as to many little things I had per- 
 ceived of his gambolings and frolics during our 
 short sojourn, and upon all of which I was doomed
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 23 
 
 to undero'o a most severe cross examination when 
 I returned home. 
 
 As there was nothing to be seen in the nature 
 of sights, which would not appear gothic to dwell 
 on in this age of refinement, and as the impres- 
 sions on the mind of a boy could not prove in- 
 teresting to the reader of any age, I pass over 
 the delightful six weeks we spent in London and 
 its vicinity : the incident which gratified me most 
 was the sight of George the Third, his queen, 
 and their then lovely family promenading on the 
 terrace at Windsor, a sight which made my young 
 heart throb with delight ! I was always a loyalist 
 — I believe the spiced claret, the sweetmeats, jellies, 
 and sugar creams which I had for several suc- 
 cessive years revelled in at Dublin Castle on the 
 nights of state, first inspired me with the love 
 of loyalty. The sweetmeats of a higher order 
 have been known to exercise their influence on 
 older and wiser heads : the fact is, my father, who 
 was a licensed dangler on whatever administration 
 existed, always had tickets for my brothers and 
 myself for the chamberlain's box on the birth and 
 other gala nights at the Irish court, and on these 
 occasions we were profusely regaled from time to
 
 24 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 time with the aforesaid good things. Alas ! how 
 shorn of its splendor that same court appeared, 
 when in 1804 I was myself a visitor and guest, 
 compared to what I remembered it from 1790 to 
 1794, when our only duke, with all our mar- 
 quesses, and a crowd of coronets of the 
 other degrees of nobility, graced the vice-regal 
 saloon ! There no Orange alderman nor upstart 
 attorney dared to tread on the heel of the noble : 
 but times are altered! To return to my journey: 
 — having visited every thing worthy of notice with- 
 in half a day's jaunt of London, we set out in the 
 first week of September, on our return, by the 
 route of Coventry and Chester, to Parkgate. I 
 presume my dad quite forgot his promise to the 
 fat fair ones of Watergate Street, and I had no 
 wish to remind him of his implied engagement 
 to visit these amiable spinning-jennies. 
 
 Arriving at Sutton Coldfield rather late in the 
 evening, where my father was under a promise to 
 pass the night, I was very much struck with 
 the appearance of the various furnaces, the red 
 and ardent flames from which pierced through the 
 dingy clouds of vapour which overhung them. 
 We were received at the house of my father's
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF PORTUNE. 25 
 
 acquaintance with a tradesman-like courtesy. 
 He was a man of business, and business only ; 
 every action was mechanical ; he seemed to weigh 
 in his mind every mouthful I devoured, as if 
 shocked at my voracity ; but his untimely remark 
 — *^ The Staffordshire air seems to have given 
 you a sharp appetite, young gentleman,^* instantly 
 threw a flag of truce over the wall of a raised 
 pie, which I was at the moment going to attack. 
 I grounded my arms, and shortly after retired to 
 bed w^ith only half a supper — for me, but one 
 which a boy of less gastronomic vigour would 
 have considered a very fair meal. 
 
 I have often had occasion to observe with dis- 
 gust how prone the English of a certain class 
 of life — those for example who have acquired 
 wealth by hard industry — are, to make remarks 
 on the appetites of their guests. In the country 
 I had left, the good folks of all ranks — even the 
 poorest who keep such a thing as a table — think 
 they can never be too hberal to their friends, 
 and feel dissatisfied unless they press the best 
 of what they possess upon their guests : this too 
 is occasionally oppressive, but it is an error on the 
 side of hospitality. On the contrary I have ever 
 
 VOL. I. B
 
 26 THE STAFF OFFICER J 
 
 found that with the English of that class which 
 comprises retired traders, fat farmers, snug country- 
 half squires, and certain parsons, one cannot 
 recommend himself to their esteem more assuredly 
 than by a sparing use of the eatables and drink- 
 ables ! 
 
 The Enghsh gentleman is, of course, hke the 
 gentleman of every country ; while he stands 
 unequalled by all others in the comforts and ele- 
 gancies of his table — not outdone by any in 
 genuine and well-bred hospitality. 
 
 Some matter of business detained my father 
 till eleven the next morning, and as we had 
 breakfasted at eight, I was by that time quite 
 in good appetite for what in Ireland we called 
 shack^ in England lunch; but nothing w^as pa- 
 raded to tempt us, notwithstanding the re- 
 peated questions, *^ Wont you take something be- 
 fore you go V — " Do take a bit of some'at" — 
 '* What would you like ?" — which to my mind 
 meant no more than — '* Stand not on the ordei- 
 of your going, but go at once.*' So off we set, 
 I muttering execrations against the inhospitably 
 of the country, my father laughing at my an- 
 noyance.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 27 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 I'll wear him in my heart's core ; 
 Yea, in my heart of hearts, 
 As I do thee, Horatio ! 
 
 Nothing occurred on our further route which 
 left a trace on my memory until we reached 
 Chester, where I unexpectedly met with a dear 
 and much beloved acquaintance from Dubhn, 
 the Honorable K. E., youngest son of Lord W., 
 a being of unequalled goodness. He was my 
 senior by four or five years, and with a gentle- 
 ness of spirit peculiarly his own, had borne all 
 my boyish freaks and frailties with more than 
 fraternal forbearance, bestowing on me that ad- 
 vice and instruction, which was the more valued 
 and respected as coming from one so dear to my 
 affections. The very watch I then wore was the 
 gift of his friendship on the preceding Christmas 
 when he left Ireland.
 
 28 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 My delight at seeing him was greater than any 
 I had ever experienced ; I sprang into his arms 
 and hugged him with the fondness of a child, 
 while he, sometimes holding me from him as 
 if to contemplate my growth and improved ap- 
 pearance since we last met, pressed me to his 
 heart with all the warmth of an affectionate 
 brother. He had been passing the preceding 
 nine months at the house of his former tutor at 
 Wrexham for the benefit of his health, which 
 being happily restored, he was about to return 
 to Dublin to resume his term at Trinity College. 
 Being obliged, however, to wait the arrival of his 
 elder brother from London, who was to take 
 charge of him across the channel, we were de- 
 prived of the happiness of each other's society 
 during the voyage. With mutual wishes for a 
 speedy meeting we parted. 
 
 Our short land journey, 6, Park Gate, was per- 
 formed in one of Mr. Paul's crack post-chaises, 
 then noted all over England as the most stylish of 
 public vehicles. The carriage, horses, and driver, 
 were consistently elegant ; this was old Paul's 
 hobby ; the dazzling bright yellow pannelled 
 chariot body, the plated springs, carpetted steps.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 29 
 
 morocco leather squabs and cushions, struck 
 me with amazement, and afforded me something 
 to talk of when describing to my brothers and 
 sisters the other wonders of my tour. 
 
 Embarking on board the King George packet, 
 we had a tedious passage, the sea presenting an 
 unruffled calm during the two days in which we 
 tide-ed it over ; we had the advantage at last of 
 arriving in Dublin Bay just as day broke, when 
 a sight presented itself to which no pen or 
 pencil has ever been found equal to render com- 
 plete justice. 
 
 I have seen magnificent Naples from its bay 
 in the full blaze of the meridian sun, and 
 watched its varying beauties in the softened tints 
 bestowed by its setting rays ; and Cadiz, lovely 
 Cadiz ! (the Tassa de plata *) rising from its 
 emerald bed with its cluster of alabaster towers 
 and minarets, backed by the gloomy ronda and 
 the towering Cabeza de MorOjf on whose dark 
 gorge the town of Medina Sidonia hangs like 
 
 * Tassa de plata — Cup of silver, named so by an ancient poet. 
 
 + Cabeza de Moro — the Moor's head ; the summit of a mountain 
 which on entering Cadiz Bay strikes the eye as a gigantic 
 representation of its name.
 
 30 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 a necklace of pearl. But all that I have ever 
 seen of the picturesque and beautiful falls short 
 of that mixture of vrild grandeur and loveliness 
 which the vast amphitheatre that girds this bay 
 presents. 
 
 Home, which to other boys would have had its 
 charms, to me brought none : I had tasted the 
 sweets of travel, and could not banish from my 
 mind the scenes of our happy journey ; although 
 placed on an equal footing with my second 
 brother, and being allowed a pony to myself and 
 indulged with half my week as holidays, I felt 
 a new and hitherto unknown misery embitter 
 my days. My father observed it too, and took 
 several opportunities to sound me on the cause 
 of the loss of that cheerfulness for which I had 
 from infancy been always remarkable. Unfortu- 
 nately he was not a domestic man ; and the un- 
 frequency of our whole family meeting at the 
 same board, except with the company of strangers, 
 deprived us boys of that confidence in addressing 
 our parent which a more natural intimacy would 
 have inspired. 
 
 When therefore my eldest brother or myself 
 had a favour to ask, the preparation for it wore out
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 31 
 
 the time in which its grant would have been de- 
 sirable. My second brother, who had none of 
 these scruples, with the natural daring of his 
 character, boldly asked : if repulsed in the first 
 instance, he returned to the charge, nothing dis- 
 mayed by refusal, and by dint of cajoling, wheed- 
 ling, bullying, and pouting, he gained his point. 
 My eldest brother, who never could be brought 
 to enter into conversation with his father on any 
 subject save the classics, invariably wrote a 
 letter for the most trifling favor ; and such letters ! 
 one of them, on soliciting the favor of a cocked 
 hat for the dancing evenings, was a standing 
 joke against the pedantic boy for a year. Under 
 his advice, however, I adopted that mode of sub- 
 mitting my request at this juncture. I was the 
 more induced to it from a certaiii cold distrust 
 which I fancied my father's manner had exhibited 
 towards me for some time past, and which, as I 
 had subsequently reason for believing, proceeded 
 from some severe curtain lectures which he had 
 been doomed to undergo after his late Enghsh 
 tour ; when charges fired off at random were, 
 nevertheless, so true to the mark, that he ima- 
 gined nothing less but that his little fellow-travel-
 
 32 THE STAFF OFFICER J 
 
 ler had either betrayed him in order to curry 
 favor with the home-department, or had not 
 sufficient firmness to stand the cross examina- 
 tions which the suspicions of a jealous woman 
 suggested. 
 
 But he wronged me, on my soul he wronged 
 me ! Truth demands of me to say I lied ! '' lied 
 like an epitaph '' for him, through thick and 
 thin, though assailed on various occasions by 
 my inquisitive mother, and young hopeful, her 
 favorite ; my tyrant and tormentor in trifles, but 
 yet my kind and generous brother in all essen- 
 tials. 
 
 The subject of my letter was, a request that 
 my father would endeavour to procure for me a 
 midshipman's berth on board one of the ships 
 then fitting out for the armament against the 
 Russians. A request so wholly unexpected 
 staggered him ; for he had other projects in 
 view for me. I watched his countenance for three 
 days, endeavouring to catch from it some indi- 
 cation of his purpose. At length, on the next 
 Sunday morning, I was summoned into his own 
 room, where he received me with his usual kind- 
 ness, and in the course of half an hour's con-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 33 
 
 versation used every argument to dissuade nie 
 from such a pursuit, assuring me that he had other 
 and far better prospects for me ; that after two 
 years more improvement at school, he would 
 place me in the Custom-House, under the im- 
 mediate care of a friend, (who was high in office,) 
 where under such patronage, with my promise 
 of ability and quickness, I might aspire to emi- 
 nence in that service. The kind pains which he 
 took to reason me out of my boyish predilection, 
 when his veto would at once have imposed si- 
 lence on me, lost nothing of its power on a 
 grateful heart. I submitted entirely to his advice, 
 which, to render more palatable to me, he 
 quahfied, by adding that if at the end of two 
 years my wishes remained unchanged on the 
 subject of the naval service, he would no longer 
 oppose them, but use all his interest to introduce 
 me into it under the most favorable auspices ; 
 while dismissing me, he 'mildly reminded me of 
 my backwardness in many essential points of 
 education, as my readers may possibly have al- 
 ready discovered ; and urged me to make up, by 
 immediate and steady application, for lost time. 
 I promised and retired ; happy that he had not
 
 34 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 interrogated me on the subject of his suspicions 
 of my blabbing. 
 
 In a few days after this interview, it was an- 
 nounced to me that I was about to be placed at 
 the academy of Mr. Samuel White, then con- 
 sidered the best in Dublin. 
 
 On taking leave of my old master, I received 
 a long, but extremely kind lecture on my levity 
 and inattention to study ; added to his sensible ad- 
 vice for my future conduct. Already all unkind 
 recollections of the cat and cane had vanished ; 
 I then only thought of our good master's amiable 
 points, his puns, his poetry, his ample and pro- 
 found explanations on all subjects referred to his 
 judgment ; his rigid justice in the distribution 
 of rewards and punishments, amongst a knot of 
 the wildest, and, to say the truth, some of the 
 stupidest young dogs that ever put pedantic 
 patience to the test. I kissed his hand in token 
 of submission and affection, and bade him an 
 eternal farewell ! My eldest brother was too 
 much attached to his first and only master to 
 leave him ; he therefore declined promotion to 
 the forms of the Irish Demosthenes, as Mr. 
 White was then named.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 35 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 I shall the effect of thy good lessons keep, 
 As watchman to my heart. 
 
 The academy of this gentleman was composed 
 of an equal number of boarders and day scholars. 
 Amongst both classes were the sons of noble- 
 men, persons of influence and fortune, and also 
 of those in a less elevated grade of life : in the 
 latter class I place myself. Still there were no 
 invidious distinctions allowed by the principal, 
 or his highly gifted son, then his assistant, and 
 since his respected successor. However rank 
 and fo»i;une may have influenced his conduct 
 towards certain of his pupils in private, in the 
 school-room all were deemed equal ; all derived 
 their due portion of care and instruction in their
 
 36 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 several classes, and merit alone formed the 
 stepping stone to preeminence. 
 
 Mr. White happily lived to see many of his pu- 
 pils honoring, by their virtues and talents, some of 
 the highest stations in society. More than a dozen 
 of them have, from time to time, been distinguished 
 members of the senate of the United Kingdom ; 
 while at the bar, amongst its other ornaments, he 
 beheld one of his early favorites adorning the seat 
 of justice, w^ith all the grace and dignity which, 
 from youth to mature age, has marked the splendid 
 career of that truly estimable man and enlightened 
 judge ! The mitre, too, now rests on the head of 
 more than one who imbibed, under his happy aus- 
 pices, those principles of religion and virtue which 
 prepared their way to the highest clerical honors 
 and dignity. 
 
 At this school I passed two of the happiest years 
 of my life. It was the custom of our worthy prin- 
 cipal to unite at his house, once or twice a week, a 
 society of the most eminent literary and professional 
 characters of that period, and to these delightful 
 soirees a certain portion of his pupils were regularly 
 invited. On those occasions I had an opportunity 
 of mixing with all the talented persons of the day;
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 37 
 
 amongst whom were John Kemble, the inimitable 
 Siddons, Mrs. LefanuHp Mrs. Charles Sheridan, 
 Mr. and Miss Edgeworth, General Valancy, and 
 his fellow labourer in antiquarian research, Mr. 
 Ledwich, Mr. Edward Tighe, then M. P. for 
 County Wicklow, Captain Joseph Atkinson, wit, 
 poet, painter, punster, and dramatist. Read- 
 ings, recitations, and literary conversazione, formed 
 the chief amusements of this sensible assembly : 
 music formed but a slender portion of the treat, 
 although it formed a part of the evening's enter- 
 tainment. 
 
 Our principal was himself considered the best 
 reader of the British drama of his time ; and his 
 claims to that honorable distinction were not dis- 
 puted, when accorded by such authority as the 
 classic Kemble, the splendid Siddons, the energe- 
 tic Barry (then Mrs. Crawford), and last, though 
 not least, the first Mrs. Pope (formerly Miss 
 Young), one of the most powerful and correct de- 
 claimers on the stage. ^ 
 
 * Mrs. Pope was at that time performing with Mrs. Siddons 
 on the Dublin stage, in those tragedies where tlie cast of characters 
 in no way clashed, and it was a delightful treat to see their united 
 talents brought forth in such parts as Alicia and Jane Shore, Queen
 
 38 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 Mr. White had 
 
 One fair daughter whom he loved passing well ! 
 
 Amongst the youth committed to his care, there 
 was one who, at an early age, had distinguished 
 himself above all his compeers for superior 
 talent in dramatic recitation, in which he bore off 
 the first prize for several years. He was a youth 
 of romantic turn of mind, and had studied our 
 
 Elizabeth and Rutland, &c. Mr. Pope, late of Drury Lane, who 
 had formerly been an artist of some note, renounced the brush, and 
 took to the buskin ; he was at that period a remarkably handsome 
 man, and his fine figure showed itself with striking effect in such 
 characters as the Earl of Essex, Lord Hastings, Pierce, ficc. and 
 hardly less elegant or graceful when in the modern costume of Lord 
 Townly, Beverly, &c. He found favor in the eyes of Miss Young, 
 when in the zenith of her maiden popularity she divided the public 
 favor with Mrs. Siddons, Mrs. Crawford (once Barry). After the 
 marriage of this talented pair, they attracted brilliant audiences 
 every night of their appearance on the Dublin boards, where Miss 
 Young had always been received with enthusiastic favor. Mr. 
 ^Vhite having the entree of the gTeen room with all the familiarity 
 of an old friend and occasional tutor, on congratulating Mrs. Pope 
 on her happy union, jokingly enquired, " How she liked matri- 
 mony?" to which she answered with great archness, "0! ex- 
 tremely well, my dear kind master : you know I always preferred 
 Pope's Essay to Young's Night Thoughts ;" this was the original 
 of that much hackneyed and variously quoted bon mot.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 39 
 
 immortal bard with such assiduity, that he was 
 called in the school '^ The Walking Shakspeare :" 
 in fact there was scarcely an incident which could 
 occur amongst us, to which he would not apply an 
 apt quotation, drawn from the inexhaustible store 
 of that great master of human knowledge. 
 
 So decidedly theatrical was the bent of his 
 mind, that all his thoughts were directed to that 
 one object. The young gentleman alluded to was 
 Mr. James IVIagan. His father was a wealthy 
 apothecary in a populous but unfashionable part 
 of Dublin ; but, nevertheless, in extensive prac- 
 tice as a visiting medical man amongst the higher 
 order of citizens : few regular physicians derived 
 greater emolument from the exercise of their pro- 
 fession. Amongst the latter, the most jealous, per- 
 haps, of any order, as to the slightest innovation 
 upon it, he could boast of many personal friends. 
 The easiness of his circumstances enabled him to 
 keep his chariot, a thing by no means uncommon 
 in this country at any time, or perhaps in Dubhn 
 at the present day ; but at the period referred to, it 
 was a luxury confined to some three or four of the 
 tJiird branch of the medical profession. Even the
 
 40 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 wig and gold-headed cane (fresh invasions on the 
 rights of the diploma) were adopted without of- 
 fence ; no small proof of the estimation in which 
 Doctor Magan (as his grateful patients dubbed 
 him) was held by the legitimate sons of Escula- 
 pius. But this good man kept a bountiful table ; 
 and, as his invitations extended to the whole pri- 
 vileged body of medicine, he was always sure of 
 a full board ; and equally so, that for every card 
 of invitation he dispensedy he should find three or 
 four voluminous prescriptions on his counter. This 
 was as it should be : Kill — and let kill ! 
 
 Neither the prospect of professional advance- 
 ment in whatever line of life he might be led to 
 adopt, nor the ample fortune which, if obedient to 
 parental wishes, he would be sure to succeed to, 
 could tempt young Magan to abandon his favorite 
 project. To add to the romance, 
 
 He was in love, and pleased with ruin! 
 
 Between the daughter of his tutor (worthy the 
 hand of a prince) and Magan an early attachment 
 existed, which the romantic character of the 
 youth rather increased than subdued. When he 
 left Grafton Street school for college, a mutual
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 41 
 
 VOW of fidelity was exchanged, which the lovely 
 girl on her part too rigidly performed. 
 
 Magan, after passing a year or two at Trinity, 
 renouncing a parent's commands, his friends' en- 
 treaties, and his mistress's tears, was announced to 
 appear on the boards of the Theatre Royal, Dub- 
 lin, in the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. '^ The 
 part of Romeo by a Young Gentleman of this city : 
 his^rs^ appearance on any stage." 
 
 Although this proceeding was against the judg- 
 ment and remonstrances of all his well-wishers, 
 yet the circumstance of their young fellow-citizen 
 throwing himself on public indulgence, attracted 
 to the doors of the theatre, long before the usual 
 hour of opening them, many hundreds more than 
 the building could possibly contain ; and the mo- 
 ment the anxious crowds were admitted, the house 
 soon became full, even to an overflow. The ^^ lads 
 of Trinity j'' in their caps and gowns, to the num- 
 ber of some hundreds, bore down all opposition in 
 procuring themselves places in boxes, pit, and 
 slips ; in short, wherever they could make their 
 voices, or their hands be heard. To the fair sex, 
 and to them alone, the slightest concession was 
 accorded. The Irish ladies, as enthusiastic as
 
 42 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 their countrymen, were equally zealous and ardent 
 in support of the young Romeo. 
 
 Seated in the manager's box, secluded from 
 public observation, sat the Irish Demosthenes and 
 his indescribably lovely daughter, to paint even a 
 sketch of whom I should steal the magic pencil of 
 the Wizard of the North, and scratch a copy of 
 this our Rebecca ; for, like the beautiful Jewess, 
 she had a look that made its way to every hearts 
 Sensibility sat enthroned on her dark Minerva-like 
 brow, and in every gesture was dignity and love I 
 With a palpitating heart she watched the moment 
 of her betrothed 's appearance ; but that was 
 greeted with such a tumult of applause, that 
 many minutes elapsed before a word could be 
 heard from the stage. Round after round, peal 
 after peal, of thundering applause, which sus- 
 pended the action of the play, followed Benvolio's 
 words, ** Good morrow, cousin ;" but when Romeo 
 asks, with sadness, *^ Is the day so youngV the 
 whole pit sent forth a shout of praise which rever- 
 berated from the lofty roof. The greater number of 
 the audience in that part of the house were the 
 elite of the critical circles of Dublin, in whose ears 
 the well remembered silver-tones of their own un-^
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 43 
 
 equalled Barry retained their magic recollection ; 
 the similarity of sound was so powerfully strong, as 
 to call forth this unpremeditated but universal ex- 
 pression of surprise and applause. Amidst this 
 general shout of welcome, one faint yet piercing 
 shriek mio;ht have been heard issuino; from 
 the manager's box : it was the outpouring of a 
 heart too full to endure the storm of pain and 
 pleasure which then assailed it. Her lover had 
 passed the Rubicon. Friends, family, all were 
 abandoned for his darling passion : he had 
 launched his frail bark on the precarious tide of 
 public favour, and must abide the voyage. The 
 Juliet of real life sank into a fond father's arms, 
 who then, for the first time, discovered how deeply 
 the fate of his lovely daughter was interwoven 
 with that of the erring debutant. 
 
 Strucrorlino; against nature's claims, he deter- 
 mined to watch the first efforts of his pupil, and 
 consigning his beloved child to the care of her bro- 
 ther and the manager, Mr. Daly, (who with his 
 many faults was, as well in manners as in birth, 
 a gentleman,) he turned all his attention to the 
 business of the stage, and seemed to drink every 
 liquid word that poured from the lips of his once
 
 44 THE STAFF OFFICEU; 
 
 and still beloved Magan, who brilliantly sus- 
 tained throughout the whole of the arduous part 
 the first favourable impression his early scenes 
 created. 
 
 The excitement after the fall of the curtain was 
 so powerful as to delay the afterpiece nearly 
 an hour beyond the usual interval. The pit in 
 groups were discussing the various excellences 
 displayed by the Romeo of the night; while 
 some of the '^ Lads of TrinitT/^' seeing their old 
 master in the manager's box, with more warmth 
 of heart than discretion, cheered him in such a 
 marked manner, that being known as the tutor 
 of young Romeo, he was, though with great 
 violence to his feelings, (for like most men of real 
 worth, he was as modest as meritorious,) obliged 
 to acknowlege the triple round of general ap- 
 plause bestowed on his name, by respectfully bow- 
 ing to their oft-repeated compliments. 
 
 The next morning all the newspapers were 
 filled with critiques on the performance of the 
 previous night, each vying with the other in 
 high-flown terms of panegyric, hke every thing 
 Irish ; — the action, reading, speech, and manner of 
 the *^ Young Gentleman/' were perfection all.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 45 
 
 The tragedy was repeated with equal success ; 
 and on the tliird representation, the '^ You fig Gen- 
 tleman,'^ was announced as " Mr. Middleton" 
 After a season had passed, and local attachment 
 and its consequent partialities had sobered down 
 into mature judgment, Mr. Middleton (no longer 
 James Magan) was pronounced on all sides to 
 be an accomplished actor. 
 
 He was that happy height for the stage, about 
 five feet nine inches, slender in person and limb, 
 but finely formed ; graceful in action, harmonious 
 in voice, correct even to precision in delivery, and 
 possessing that easy deportment, which beyond 
 all stage art showed him to have been the gen- 
 tleman of the drawinD;-room all his life. Of his 
 face nothing very favourable can be said : be- 
 sides its natural inaptness for the expression of 
 any of the stronger passions, a slight obliquity of 
 vision in one eye deranged the quiet harmony 
 which might otherwise have atoned for the absence 
 of powerful expression. This defect was unper- 
 ceived on a large stage by the aid of distance, 
 paint, and pencil ; but it is saying much for his 
 intrinsic merit as an actor, that when he appeared 
 at the comparatively small theatre of Cork, where
 
 46 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 according to Garrick's observation "the play- 
 going people seemed to have been born good 
 critics," Mr. Middleton's acting was greeted with 
 the most unquaUfied applause. 
 
 Success in any pursuit of life softens down 
 many asperities. The father, flattered by the praises 
 lavished on his son, (who had obtained a good 
 permanent engagement with an annual 500/. be- 
 nefit,) if he did not directly countenance, no 
 longer opposed his claim to the hand of Miss 
 White. Old Samuel, who had discernment enough 
 to see that to oppose affection such as theirs 
 would be to destroy the peace of one, at least, of 
 the parties, gave a reluctant consent to a union 
 fraught as it afterwards proved with bitterness, 
 and James Magan (alias Middleton) was united 
 under his proper name by the Honourable and 
 Rev. Rector of St. Anne's, Dublin, to his first and 
 then his only love ! Here I would fain draw the 
 Veil, for the sequel is full of sorrow ; but, alas ! it 
 is matter of notoriety that a few short years saw 
 this once proudly aspiring, yet amiable young 
 man, the slave of the grossest sensuality. His 
 first liaison was stated to have been with the then 
 well-known Miss Maria Campion, a young actress
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 47 
 
 on the Dublin boards, who died in 1803 
 his indiscreet attention to whom, both off and 
 on the stage, first lost him the favor of the 
 Irish public, who are inifashionable enough to dis- 
 courage vice even when accompanied with all the 
 splendor of dmmatic talent, while they delight to 
 honor that \irtue and integrity of principle which 
 is found capable of resisting the allurements by 
 which youth, beauty, and accomplishment are 
 assailed. Witness the reception of a certain 
 vocalist within our recent recollections, as con- 
 trasted with the distinguished compliment paid 
 to that excellent young woman Miss Stephens, 
 on her departure from Dublin some years before, 
 when a train of nearly one hundred carriages full 
 of respectable matrons, gracing this unsullied 
 ornament of her profession, formed a flattering 
 cavalcade to escort her to the place of em- 
 barkation, and to render homage to that rare 
 phenomenon in these days, a young, a handsome,! ♦ 
 a splendidly gifted and yet virtuous actress. 
 
 Tempted to repair to London, Middleton ap- 
 peared on the metropolitan stage with a fair 
 portion of success. His provincial engagements 
 were respectable and lucrative ; his wife was all ^ 
 
 •%
 
 48 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 in love, in virtue, and conduct that the proudest 
 heart could covet : yet he fell ! fell to a depth, 
 beyond all human expectation, base and lowly. 
 Suffice it to wind up this painful episode, that after 
 strugghng through a life of vice, drunkenness, 
 and occasional insanity, he was found in a dying 
 state one morning in the purlieus of Covent Gar- 
 den, and shortly after resigned a life worthless to 
 himself, and disgraceful to his connections. 
 
 The respected and much pitied wife, who had 
 been long widowed from the object of her first, 
 her fondest love and hope, was not in these 
 trying moments deserted by her friends. Under 
 their protection and aid she established a boarding 
 school in the vicinity of Bath, where her exem- 
 plary conduct and superior talents soon extended 
 the circle of patronage ; and it is to be hoped the 
 lenient hand of time poured its tenderest balm in 
 the w^ounds of a gentle heart, and soothed the sor- 
 rows of her who of all God's creatures seemed to 
 deserve them least.
 
 OR, TilE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 49 
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 IMemovy decks my wasted heart, 
 Fresh with gay desires. 
 
 Our next breaking up once more brought me to 
 renew my solicitation to my father to enter me in 
 the navy: Unable or unwilling to resist my daily 
 importunities, he promised compliance ; but, as a 
 probationary step, he prevailed on his friend. Sir 
 James Bristow, who then commanded the Revenue 
 eighteen-gun brig, the L'Auguste, to take me with 
 him on his approaching quarterly cruise. 
 
 I was equipped accordingly, and departed higli 
 in crest and pocket; thanks to the liberality of 
 both parents. The northern coast of Ireland, and 
 that of the Isle of Man, was Sir James's appointed 
 
 VOL. I. c
 
 50 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 cruising station ; every harbour, creek, and cove 
 of which became familiar to me. I almost fancied 
 after a few weeks' experience on board that I 
 could steer the gallant brig from the Copeland to 
 Douglas Pier Light without log, line, or compass. 
 The latter was endeared to me from its association 
 with the lovely Manx lasses, to whose smiles it 
 often hghted me. Now let me, indulgent reader, re- 
 fer you to my introductory observation, that the 
 character of the future man is greatly influenced, 
 if not entirely formed, by the example of those 
 whose conduct is his guide. Recollect also, that 
 from certain little hints I have given of my father's 
 amiable propensity to gallantry, I was, at an early 
 period of my life, led to believe that of all sins the 
 most venial were *' little sinnings in love." Be 
 not, therefore, too severe, nor fling down my 
 book in a burst of virtuous indignation at those 
 candid confessions, which may, in the course of 
 my work, occasionally appear, as little beacons 
 to warn the young voyager for life. The dawn 
 of manhood broke upon me in the Isle of Man 
 — the Cyprus of our cluster — where I completed 
 my fifteenth year. I was rather more in ap- 
 pearance, as I am told ; neither tall nor short of
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 51 
 
 my years, nor dark nor fair — rather, I should 
 imagine, inchning to the former — had quite enough 
 to say for myself (whatever was its quality), lively 
 tempered, well dressed in general, and quite as 
 forward as these humble pretensions authorised. 
 Shield and Hook were the Apollo's in whose 
 strains we swore and sung our love ditties, 
 while that prince of bons vivants, Morris, bore 
 the bell in Bacchanalians. Equally au fait at 
 both, at this stage of my life I became but too 
 much in request to avoid the indulgence, and its 
 consequences, of this dangerous talent of being 
 able to *' sing a good song/' My father's friend 
 was, to all intents and purposes, a man of pleasure, 
 caressed and esteemed wherever he went. Sir 
 James Bristow was then about thirty-two years of 
 age, handsome in countenance, manly in figure, 
 with a degree of dash about him, which in the 
 sphere he moved was irresistible. He was the 
 theme of many a hard-fought action ; equally 
 admired for his gallantry in the combat, as beloved 
 for his moderation in the hour of triumph, towards 
 those unfortunates whose lawless life threw them 
 into his power. 
 
 He might have been a Nelson had the sphei-e 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS
 
 52 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 of his services been enlarged, but circumscribed 
 to the humblest span, he could only shew in that 
 little orb the courage and generosity of a nature 
 which well deserved a nobler field for action. 
 Such was the man to whom my father (himself 
 not strait-laced) committed me. 
 
 After our three months' dehghtful cruise, nearly 
 one half of which, to sa.y the truth, was passed 
 at the romantic Httle town of Douglas, in the 
 Isle of Man, not in those days as now the refuge 
 for insolvency and dishonor, we set sail for 
 Dubhn bay. Never shall I forget the dismal 
 morning of our departure : my vain and foolish 
 heart sunk in despair as I took my farewell look 
 of that pier on which were collected all the youth 
 and beauty of the town, to wave their adieus to 
 the handsome commander and his young com- 
 panion ; that pier and its lovely group, which 
 1 was destined to look on and admire for the 
 last time. 
 
 IVIemory calls up the vision of those early days 
 of youthful joy, and I dream again of love and 
 pleasure, fled, alas, for ever ! As I view my shrunk 
 and faded visage, my bald and wrinkled front, 
 my scattered locks now few and hoary, I almost
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 53 
 
 doubt the reality of those by-gone scenes ; but 
 there are some minds so constituted that neither 
 time nor adversity can subdue their natural 
 vivacity : this is fortunately my happy tempera- 
 ment, and I turn from the mortifying reflection 
 of my present self, and flying to the mirror ot 
 memory, roam once more in the regions of boyish 
 fancy, where all was bright, and young, and 
 fresh. 
 
 My eyes were fixed on the rocky shores of 
 INIan, until its last peak sunk in the hazy horizon ; 
 then I sighed, I wept, and — went to dinner ! 
 
 In the cheerful glass and merry song sweet 
 Douglas and its lovely lasses were remembered ; 
 and brimful bumpers did homage to their charms. 
 I fancy the bottle had too many for me that 
 night, for I found myself tucked up in my birth 
 after a few hours' delirious repose, without ex- 
 actly recollecting at what time and under what 
 circumstances I got there. 
 
 About six in the morning I was awakened 
 from my sound second slumber by an unusual 
 bustle on deck ; and before I could collect my 
 scattered ideas, my brave commander was at my 
 berth side, urging me to rise with more than
 
 54 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 ordinary expedition, adding his expressions of 
 regret that we must part company in the course 
 of an hour, in consequence of circumstances 
 which he would hereafter explain to me. This 
 communication, and the seriousness with which 
 he urged me to hurry my toilet, sobered me at 
 once : I sprang up and was soon dressed for the 
 day, and ready for all events. 
 
 On ascending the deck I saw a long six-oared 
 black cutter in tov/, and some strange ill-looking 
 fellows in close conference with the captain abaft. 
 We were little more than a leao'ue to the east- 
 ward of Lambay, and about six from Dublin har- 
 bour, between our brig and which I could discern 
 one of the revenue wherries ^ (the cut of whose 
 jib was known to me) standing off and on, under 
 the lightest air of wind, as if waiting for orders. 
 
 Of the cause of these appearances I was not 
 long kept in ignorance. While discussing our ex- 
 cellent breakfast, the gallant knight in a few 
 words announced the necessity of my immediate 
 departure, having just received secret information 
 which required him to proceed, without a mo- 
 ment's delay, to a certain part of the coast, to in- 
 
 * A shallop rigged vessel about twenty tons.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 55 
 
 tercept the celebrated and hitherto unconquered 
 smuggler, the *' Morgan Rattler/* which, with a 
 crew of nearly one hundred men, and armed with 
 eighteen guns, had been for some days off the 
 northern coast, waiting a convenient opportunity 
 for discharging a valuable cargo ; and he would in- 
 cur the displeasure of the revenue board by keep- 
 ing a stranger in his vessel: This intelligence was 
 brought by the crew of the boat astern, who, 
 (partly for the sake of reward, and also in re- 
 venge for some real or imagined wrongs on the 
 part of the daring outlaw who had the command 
 of this powerful lugger,) deserted two nights be- 
 fore, when sent to reconnoitre the shore, and who, 
 instead of returning, crept along the coast with 
 their boat, until they fell in with the wherry then 
 in sight, and which was one of those employed on 
 the '' look-out duty." They had made their terms 
 with the commander. One of the most intelhgent 
 remained on board the brig : the six others had 
 stipulated for their liberty, and, with their boat, 
 were to be released when a leao-ue or two from 
 Skerries or Lambay. To their care I was to be 
 consigned for my passage to the wherry, or to the 
 island of Lambay, as I should choose, where the
 
 36 
 
 wherry men could pick me up. I had scarcely 
 half an hour to put up all my traps, while Sir 
 -James was writing his letters to the revenue board, 
 of which I was to be the bearer to the coxswain of 
 the wherry. All being ready, my things were low- 
 ered into the smugglers' cutter. With the man- 
 rope in one hand, my generous and gallant com- 
 mander's in the other, I endeavoured to express 
 my thanks for all his kindness, but I could not 
 find utterance for half the grateful feelings which 
 swelled my heart. He saw my embarrassment ; and, 
 returning the pressure of my hand with a hearty 
 squeeze of both of his, said, " Farewell, my boy ! 
 if I have made you happy, that is all I wished : 
 v/emay meet again. — Remember your friend James 
 Bristow !" 
 
 Remember thee ; aye, thou gallant soul ! while 
 "^ memory holds her seat." The various orders 
 for making all sail died on my ear, while, with 
 fixed gaze, I took a parting look at the beautiful 
 ])rig as she appeared gently stealing her way on the 
 glassy bosom of the ocean, with outspread canvas 
 inviting the vagrant breeze, which approached 
 it in those transient flaws called by the sailors 
 *' cats' paws," and which here and there disported
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 57 
 
 around, rippling into dark patches the shining 
 surface of the waters, at once encouraging and 
 tantahsing the anxious seaman's hopes. 
 
 Our boat cut her way with rapidity towards the 
 shore under the guidance of my hehii. I marked 
 the countenances of her crew : they had led a life 
 of danger and of crime. Besides the hazards of the 
 element on which they carried on their precarious 
 trade, they had often to fight for life and liberty, 
 even *' witk the halttr rouiul (he neck.'' Defeat 
 to them was certain, ignominious death ! They 
 seemed to feel that self-degradation with which 
 their base desertion of their comrades had branded 
 them, and gave zcuy on their oars in sullen 
 silence. Half an hour's labour, during which time 
 they did not exchange one \vord with each other, 
 brought our boat to the side of a shelving rock, 
 from whence all my baggage was passed from 
 hand to hand to a projecting cliff, more than 
 twenty feet above the high-water mark. One of 
 them said, '* yow, pluse yoin Jio)iur, we nnt^t lave 
 you.'' Poor wretches ! I pitied v/hile I condemned 
 them. Bestowing on them a few shilhngs, and 
 thanking them for their speed, I saw them depart 
 towards the Skerries shore: a low pronoitory
 
 58 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 soon shut them from my view. I was now alone ! 
 The most profound silence reigned around : the 
 gulls, razor-bills, sea-parrots, and puffers, of 
 which there were myriads on the surrounding 
 rocks, having satisfied their early cravings, were 
 either basking in supine content on shore, or 
 floating about in dozing noiseless clusters on the 
 unruffled bosom of the little bay where I had 
 landed. Although my solitude would probably 
 be of short duration, I felt a degree of loneliness 
 while sitting on the projecting cliff, on which I 
 had taken my station to attract the attention of 
 the wherry men. 
 
 As the last and scarcely audible sound of the 
 smugglers' oars died away on my ears, I pictured 
 to myself Agamemnon's feelings when cast alone 
 upon a desert shore to perish, which he subse- 
 quently described in these words to his friend : 
 
 And yet believe me, Areas, 
 
 (So rooted is the love we bear to raan,) 
 
 All ruffians as they were, 
 
 I never heard a sound so dismal as their parting oars. 
 
 I was left to my reflections, ** chewing the cud 
 of sweet and bitter fancies" for upwards of half 
 an hour before my reveries were broken by the
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 59 
 
 appearance of two of the crew of the Lees wherry, 
 who discovered me from afar perched on my 
 luggage, and instantly came to remove it : they 
 led the way to the heights above, and in a few 
 minutes I found myself on the smooth green sward 
 of the summit of this romantic island. Not a 
 tree nor shrub was to be seen, but nature's verdant 
 carpet, studded with various flowrets of the hum- 
 bler race, presented a rich treat to the view and 
 touch of him who could enjoy the silent, scene. 
 On casting my eyes around, I caught a parting 
 glance of the brave brig, now spreading her wide 
 wings to the new-born breeze, ploughing her 
 wavy way, until, reduced to a speck in the hori- 
 zon, she became gradually lost to view. 
 
 The state of the tide, which at the ebb sets 
 with a powerful current from west to east, obliged 
 the crew of the wherry to lay to under the lee of 
 the island for an hour, until the flood made. This 
 delay afforded us time to visit the solitary house 
 of the only inhabitant of the island, (the farmer 
 and warrener of the Talbot family,) who hos- 
 pitably spread a repast for his visitors. I could 
 not without offence dechne a cup of his black 
 bohea tea, and his hard biscuit and briny butter :
 
 00 THE STAFF officer; 
 
 as for my attendants, they were regaled with eggs 
 in abundance, Jishy lobs-scouse^ and a drop of neat 
 brandy, which was not the less acceptable to their 
 loyal palates, from not having paid the legal 
 duty. 
 
 On taking leave of the solitary sovereign oi' 
 Lambay, I tried to introduce into his hard hand a 
 couple of half crowns, by which I had nearly de- 
 stroyed the happiness he appeared to enjoy in our 
 visit. The gift of Awo;/ej/ is assuredly not the way 
 to gain an Irishman's favour ; however sensible he 
 may be to its value, the very poorest (save the 
 itinerant beggar) rejects it when offered as an 
 eleemosynary gift.* 
 
 The tide having turned, we embarked on board 
 our wherry, and after a few tacks to clear the 
 southernmost point of the island, we had a very 
 
 ■ Haviag been one of a party wlio visited Lundj Island in tlie 
 summer of 1817, we were permitted to see (but having no gun of 
 course did not destroy one bead of) the myriads of rabbi's with 
 which that plain abounds ; and wliatever else was to be seen (not 
 much by tlie bj^e) on the island. We presented a bottle of rum 
 accompanied by a one-jmind note to the farmer in charge of the 
 proj)erty, who seemed extremely disappointed and discon- 
 tented with the compliment, although he brought the water with 
 which we mixed our grog to his door, without inviting us inside it.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 61 
 
 pleasant sail (nearly lying our course) to Dublin 
 Harbour. 
 
 I soon found myself once more seated at the 
 domestic board ; and in the course of the evening 
 entertained our circle with my adventures. The 
 scenes I had to describe, the anecdotes to relate, 
 and encomiums I felt it just to pay my late 
 commander, were all allowed their full value, and 
 the awful hour of twelve was tolled by our solemn 
 ^icio'libour Alma Mater, ere I was allowed to court 
 my pillow ; but here 
 
 Reflection came with all her bus^y train ! 
 
 The tall and graceful figure of Fanny Bateman 
 of Douglas floated before my mind's eye, as she 
 stood on the last inch cf the pier, on which her 
 small foot could find a place, waving her veil in 
 kind adieu ! Then again the sprightly little Sally 
 Stanley, the dempster's fair daughter, to whom I 
 also paid my homage, appeared to dance before 
 my vision in all her mirtliful charms, displaying 
 such a brace of beautiful feet and ancles, as might 
 well have been substituted for the stupid and un- 
 natural trio of legs which represent the ajT/is of 
 Man ! Even fat Polly Twentyman of tli3 Sun, 
 (who would have been a beauty had vaccination
 
 62 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 been in vogue in her days,) in whose unsophis- 
 ticated kindness I had often for the time 
 drowned the recollection of gentler loves, — even 
 poor Polly was remembered with feelings of 
 warm gratitude. I had sipped of the Circean 
 cup ! — was a man while yet a boy, and probably 
 a boy in many actions of my manhood !
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 63 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 ' His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt. 
 
 A SHORT period of idleness had elapsed, when 
 I once more earnestly pressed on my father the 
 performance of his promise. He therefore took me 
 by the hand one morning to that worthy old 
 veteran the late Sir Alexander Schomberg, then 
 commander of the royal yacht the Dorset, who 
 kindly accompanied us to the house of Post-cap- 
 tain Lord Charles FitzgrufF, who had just then 
 been appointed to the conmiand of a fine new 
 frigate, nearly ready for sea, to introduce me as a 
 candidate for playing the young midshipman. 
 
 I quailed under the cloudy look his lordship 
 threw upon me, while he muttered in doubtful
 
 64 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 tones his ungracious consent. He was a man as 
 coarse in person as in tastes ; the indeUcacy of 
 the latter may be judged from the bare fact of 
 bis having taken two wives in succession from the 
 public stock. Of all his noble family he was the 
 least noble, although a man of probity and 
 honour, and withal a gallant officer in his profes- 
 sion. After some harsh remarks on my rather 
 dandified appearance, he stated that he wanted 
 some ^' rough-spun younkers," but concluded 
 with the uncalled-for observa,tion, that *^ if I was 
 determined to go, he would take care to make me 
 do my duty." I augured the worst for my ap- 
 pointment, — nor was I mistaken. His lordship 
 gave me a letter to the officer commanding the 
 tender, under whose orders I w^as directed to 
 place myself, and to be in readiness to sail for 
 the river (Thames) in die course of two days, 
 with the volantttrs, more than one half of whom 
 were in irons. Sharp work, my Lord Charles, 
 thought I, but I had been on the alert. 
 
 Little doubting as to the appointment, I had 
 been beforehand with my rigging, and the follow- 
 ing evening (Sunday) I was able to appear at the 
 grand weekly promenade at the Rotunda, the
 
 OK, THE SOLDIEU of fORtUNE. 65 
 
 resort of every one from the duke to his draper. 
 Here the senator and the shopkeeper, the countess 
 and the citizen's wife, congregate eacli Sunday 
 evening ; by their presence contributing to the 
 support of that splendid and unequalled establish- 
 ment, the GENERAL LYING-IN HOSPITAL of 
 
 Dublin; which Carran called '' aiding the staple 
 manufacture of the country !" 
 
 xA.ll who feel an inclination to see and touch the 
 skirts of nobility might here indulge it at the 
 moderate expense of half-a-crown. One class of 
 females was under the ban of exclusion — a class, 
 whose non-admission into the places of public 
 amusement in moral England would impoverish 
 the theatres, and send Vauxhall to the hammer ! 
 
 In this vast assemblage, seldom less than 
 two thousand persons, the distinctions of rank 
 were never for a moment forgotten. In the un- 
 ceasing rounds of the promenade, the wealthy 
 and well-dressed citizen invariably gave the pas 
 on the right or left to his superior ; a mark of re- 
 spect repaid by that courtesy which was always 
 a striking characteristic in the high-bred Irish 
 nobleman. 
 
 Such an assemblaofe could never exist for a
 
 66 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 third night in this country. The sensitive pride of 
 the ancient aristocracy of Britain dare not risk 
 the shock of collision with the puffed up, purse- 
 proud plebeian, on whom courtesy and condescen- 
 sion would be either thrown away, or mistaken 
 and abused with vulgar familiarity, by a class that 
 can interpret the civility of their superiors but one 
 way, and with all the sordidness of their habits 
 imagine that the bow of the nobleman would be 
 succeeded by a request for a loan or mortgage, or 
 discount of a bill. 
 
 Hence that immeasurable distance which ex- 
 ists between the various orders. The patrician of 
 rank despises the plebeian of wealth : confining 
 himself to an exclusive circle, the former leaves 
 to the citizen the enjoyment of his Margate and 
 his Richmond, his theatres, and that portion of 
 Brighton peculiarly canaille. 
 
 In France, Spain, Italy, Germany, in short, 
 every where but in Mammon- adoring England^ 
 the case is different. The various orders of per- 
 sons of really civilized and polite nations know 
 their respective places, and neither yield nor en- 
 croach on that of others. 
 
 At this Sunday assembly, graced by the presence
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE, 67 
 
 of the Lord-Lieutenant and all the nobiUty of the 
 land, I had the gratification of sporting my finery 
 to the envy of many an old schoolfellow. But 
 the next morning's sun was to see me on board. 
 I had scarcely time to pack up my ^* well'fou7id" 
 trunk, bedding, &c., and take leave, ere I was 
 hurried on board the Arrow hired cutter, with a 
 caro[o, more than one half of whom were the 
 veriest vagabonds that ever risked the chances of 
 a watery death to escape a more exalted one in 
 another element. Nearly three-fourths of them 
 were jail-birds, who still sang to the clanking of 
 their fetters ! My messmates were a young lieu- 
 tenant, that is, young for the period — about 
 thirty, who had been already twenty years a mid, 
 and with the gloss still fresh on his first white 
 facings; a surgeon's mate, (who, of course, was 
 called ^' The doctor;") two brother middies, my 
 seniors, and a nondescript character, half gen- 
 tleman half steward, who was named ** Agent 
 Victualler'' (for the voyage!) 
 
 Two guineas each was the amount of the sub- 
 scription to the stock purse, for the purchase of 
 the wherewithal to relish our rations ; a small 
 portion of wine, a rather large one of whiskey,
 
 68 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 some dozens of porter, with tea, sugar, butter, 
 eggs, milk, fresh meat and vegetables, a dozen 
 loaves, and a string of red herrings ; all which 
 formed the elegancies of the mess. But we found 
 them superabundant ; as, after the first twelve 
 hours' sail, we were all, with the exception of the 
 lieutenant, unable to crawl from our berths, owing 
 to seasickness. As regarded myself, I fancied that 
 after a few days' roUing about I should rally and be 
 on my legs again ; but I was deceived. I no longer 
 felt the comforts and the luxuries of the well pro- 
 vided cabin of Sir James's brig ; and I was sickened, 
 beyond all my anticipations of disgust, by the filth 
 and miseryof our wretched live cargo, and the utter 
 absence of all arrangement for cleanliness and com- 
 fort. These poor wretches had been unmanacled, it 
 is true, on our leaving the harbour, but were hud- 
 dled down into the hold, where a ton or two of 
 straw in bulk had been thrown in along with 
 blankets, in the proportion of one to every two 
 men, forming the only accommodation, or rather 
 the apology of bedding. They were all closely 
 confined below, with the exception of ten at a 
 time, which number, during two hours, from 8 
 A. M. to 4 p. M., were permitted to enjoy the
 
 OR, Tin: SOLDIER OF FORTtTNE. 69 
 
 air oil deck. Their food was served out to them 
 by the agent victualler, or channel commissary, in 
 regular messes, and was of unexceptionable qua- 
 lity ; but when the ladder was drawn up at four 
 o'clock, their only light was the slight glimmering 
 which the removal of a fractional part of the main 
 hatch aftbrded. These privations and restraints 
 were deemed necessary, from the w^ell-known cha- 
 racter of the *^ volunteers r but a purification be- 
 came also indispensable for the general safety, 
 for the effluvia from below was pestilential, and 
 the unfortunate prisoners became desperate under 
 their sufferings : yet such were the poor devils 
 who were taught to boast in song. 
 
 Britons i^ever shall be Slaves 
 
 On the fifth day, when running down St. George's 
 channel with a light breeze, and smooth water, the 
 main hatch was entirely removed. Heaven ! what 
 a polluted atmosphere these wretches must have 
 breathed during the preceding days. Thirty of 
 them were admitted on deck ; and those above 
 and below turned to for the removal of the litter, 
 (and it literally was such.) Brooms were passed 
 down, and vinegar sprinkled against the sides and 
 flooring ; while a fev.- score sheaves of fresh straw
 
 70 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 that had been stowed forward in reserve, were 
 issued. By these arrangements, and the op- 
 portunity afforded to every man to enjoy the air 
 and hght for at least two hours each day, all 
 past sufferings were forgotten ; or, if thought on, 
 made the subject of coarse and vulgar mirth. 
 Whatever schemes of revenge they might haye 
 plotted in their late infernal abode, they appeared 
 to have no longer remembered ; particularly as the 
 '' agent victualler" was no nip-cheese ^ but served 
 out both rations and grog with that cheerfulness 
 and liberahty which I dare swear they never 
 asrain met with in the course of their toilsome 
 service.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 71 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 a south-west blow on ye 
 
 And blister you all o'er ! 
 
 It was not until the eleventh day that we entered 
 the river. When we reached Deptford, we were 
 all trans-shipped into a goodly old hulk, which to 
 my eye appeared as large as Christ Church ; and 
 on stepping aboard of which, I was poked down 
 into dingy dismal looking quarters, with about a 
 dozen of my own class. I found by their conversa- 
 tion, (which was none of the most select,) that our 
 frigate would be ready for sea in the course of 
 three or four weeks, when Lord Charles would 
 sail to join the channel fleet. I could not ac- 
 count for the shudder which crept over my whole 
 frame at the bare mention of his lordship's name.
 
 72 THE STAFF OFFICER ; ' 
 
 The look of contemptuous disdain with which he 
 scowled upon me, when presented to him at his 
 house in Kildare Street, still haunted me. 
 Whether he found that I was, in a manner, forced 
 upon him — or, what is still more likely, that he 
 wanted some rough articles like himself for petty 
 officers — or that at first sight he took a personal 
 dislike to me, I know not ; but from the reception 
 1 met from his representative, and first lieutenant, 
 Jowlter, who was in the command of the hulk, 
 I could have ventured to swear he had in his 
 letter to that Cerberus set his mark against my 
 name ; for from the first hour of my coming un- 
 der his command, to that in which heaven in its 
 goodness released me from it, I found nothing but 
 a series of mean and petty oppressions. On the 
 slightest act of levity he abused me as if I had 
 committed a crime. Having discovered that I 
 had bestowed some trifling presents on the young 
 woman who came on board twice a week with our 
 linen, and who brought oflf tea, sugar, liquor, love * 
 verses and lollipops, the sale of which she esta- 
 bhshed by permission, on deck ; by way of mor- 
 tifying my vanity on her next visit, he found 
 some fault with me merely to authorize him to
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 73 
 
 exert his tyranny by ordering nie to the mast 
 head, there to remain till the end of tlie watcli. 
 As the hulk, however, had only a stump of a jury 
 mast, I was still near enough to ogle and wink at 
 the object of my admiration, and set at defiance 
 the malice of old Jowlter. 
 
 But his general treatment of me was so scan- 
 dalous that I found it impossible to withhold my 
 remonstrances, which I firmly but respectfully 
 made in a strongly worded letter. On his read- 
 ing it, I was informed his huge face (the largest 
 and at the same time the most hideous I had ever 
 seen gratis) changed its usual purple tinge to a 
 paly ash. — *' So the chap can write and be 
 damned to him, can he ? But I'll soon have him 
 in blue water. Tell him,'' (said he to the 
 doctor, who kindly undertook to deliver my letter,) 
 '' that there's naw answer." This course bru- 
 tality was only what I expected ; the next morn- 
 ing I received an order to attend on the lieu- 
 tenant, who, without the civility he should have 
 shown to a foremast man, directed me to bring 
 to him forthwith my writing desk ! I bowed and 
 retired, determined to consult my friend and 
 townsman the doctor, on the subject of refusal or 
 
 VOL. I. D
 
 74 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 compliance. He advised the latter by all means ; 
 adding, " and the sooner the better.'' 
 
 Now there were certain letters in the said desk, 
 which were never penned to meet the goggle eyes 
 of such an Hippopotamus. It is equally true that 
 there was a series of such tender epistles, not all 
 addressed to the same beloved object, which 
 might lead a vulgar mind like our lieutenant^s to 
 imagine that, as 'Mn the multitude of counsellors 
 there is wisdom," so in a multitude of mistresses 
 there was happiness, at least, in my opinion. 
 These foolish effusions I was anxious to with- 
 draw, and had already abstracted a few of the 
 number, when I was interrupted by old Cerberus 
 himself, who had silently descended into our dark 
 abode, and with an affectation of great care for 
 my papers, began to replace those I had removed 
 in the desk, and ordered me to follow him with 
 my desk. I obeyed, and following him into his 
 cabin, placed it before him. I held out my three 
 keys, pointing to that which opened the desk ; 
 the savage desired me to open it, saying his only 
 object was to obtain a sight of a paper on which, 
 he had been informed, I employed myself several 
 hours each day, and which I took great pains to
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 75 
 
 conceal from my messmates. It instantly occurred 
 to me that some of my cockpit companions had 
 been invidiously reporting my actions to the 
 lieutenant, but to show I feared nothing, I in- 
 stantly turned the desk upside down, covering 
 his table with its contents ; he took but one lot, 
 then desiring me to replace my papers, he allowed 
 me to retire. I obeyed the order with alacrity, as 
 may be believed, when I found all my amatory 
 stuff had escaped scrutiny. The dozen or two 
 pages which he retained were, in fact, but memo- 
 randa, in the form of a journal, of the events of 
 my voyage, and of the daily occurrences since my 
 arrival in England, in which, most fortunately, 
 he himself had not once found a place. In fact, I 
 had bestowed so much abuse on him in my letters 
 to my family, and to those dear ones, whom I 
 foolishly imagined were thinking as much of me 
 as I of them, that I had no wish to encumber my 
 journal with his detested name. 
 
 He found the paper, of course, full of very in- 
 sipid stuff; for in less than half an hour it was 
 returned to me without a word! and a few days' 
 observation convinced me that much of his ill-
 
 76 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 v.'ill had been transferred from me to another 
 midshipman of the name of Boydes, the son of a 
 gchoolmaster in Dubhn, who entered the service 
 mider a kind of promise of being appointed 
 captain's clerk, and who thought he saw in me, 
 by my perpetual scribbling, a rival for that office. 
 I could, therefore, no longer be at a loss to fix on 
 my enemy in the mess ; nor did I fail to tax him 
 with his meanness. 
 
 However, at the next appearance of the beauti- 
 ful aubiirri-hmred laundress — any one less en- 
 amoured would have called her downright co?ro/j/ — 
 I instantly laid siege to her, making large pur- 
 chases, when the suppressed rage of the lieu- 
 tenant seemed to boil over, and his carbuncled 
 face, '* red ivith uncommon wrath,'^ seemed all on 
 fire. Still however he could not, without manifest 
 injustice, single me out as an object for ven- 
 geance while seven or eight of us younkers sur- 
 rounded her basket. He therefore ordered us all 
 off the quarry, which order the greater number 
 obeyed ; but the doctor and myself lingered for 
 a minute or two beyond the rest; he to pay for 
 some lemons, I to show my liberality for promised
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 77 
 
 favors yet to come. We were both, however, rudely 
 driven from the maiden's basket ; looking, I make 
 no doubt, highly ridiculous after all the fine 
 things we had been saying. What the lieutenant 
 said to tlie poor girl we knew not, but it was 
 followed by the hasty removal of the little trader's 
 tressel, basket, and chair, which, with herself, 
 were very unceremoniously bundled over the 
 side into the nearest boat. 
 
 Heavens ! how I longed to imprint on his 
 bloated visage the mark of a hand now pretty 
 well able to make itself be felt, when nerved 
 with indignation at his unmanly conduct; but 
 the demon of despotism reigns uncontrolled on 
 board a man of war ! 
 
 Alone, I began to reflect, this is not the pro- 
 fession for me ! With the exception of the doctor, 
 a vain and pragmatical little being, but withal 
 bearing a kind and friendly heart, I had not 
 one friend in whom I could confide, or on whose 
 sympathy I could reckon ; and that I was an 
 object of dislike to many of our mess I was 
 well aware. I came on board with such a perfect 
 equipment of clothes, Sec, (particularly of linen)
 
 78 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 that my ^^ stock of traps " was the talk of the cock- 
 pit. Then I had a watch, and, worse than all, wore 
 a ring ! — a very humble little cornelian, and the 
 gift of a beloved sister. These formidable appear- 
 ances, with perhaps some degree of over pre- 
 tension on my part, were offensive in the eyes of 
 my messmates, (who for the greater number were 
 of that class doomed to commence the hard 
 voyage of life with a very scanty outfit;) and I 
 was forced to bear the jokes and gibes of the 
 majority, and hear the words smoke the beau, 
 twenty times a day, with an affectation of good 
 humour ; for it was indeed not very easily as- 
 sumed. 
 
 My friend the doctor, although considerably 
 my senior in years, had very little experience in 
 the ways of the world ; he had never been very 
 far beyond the purheus of the shop of his brother, 
 an eminent surgeon and apothecary in Dublin, 
 and his knowledge of the healing art was con- 
 fined to the lowest employments to which apothe- 
 caries' assistants are occasionally doomed to stoop. 
 To him, however, I made my lament in secret ; and 
 he fully agreed with me that the navy was not
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 79 
 
 the service best suited to my habits or feel- 
 ings. 
 
 Fortified with the doctor's opinion, which so 
 well chimed in with my own, I ventured, with 
 great humility and confession of error, to address 
 my ever-indulgent father, stating the many in- 
 sults and mortifications I had received, and more 
 than hinted my suspicions that Lord Charles had 
 black-balled me in his letter to the lieutenant ; 
 supplicating his interference with my lord for my 
 recall on the score of delicate health, (I had the 
 doctor's opinion,) and consequent incapacity for 
 duty. 
 
 I did not omit to mention as a proof of my pru- 
 dence and frugality, that I had still twenty-two 
 guineas remaining of the sum with which his and 
 my other parent's kindness had supplied me on 
 leaving home ; and should be ready to set ofi' 
 for Dublin at a moment's notice. My father, 
 however, had to consult his good friend. Sir Alex- 
 ander Schomberg, before he took any steps for 
 my relief; and it was ten days before I received 
 his reply. But during this (to me) period of deep 
 anxiety I found means to send letters to the 
 golden-haired girl of the wash-tub, who bore the
 
 80 THE STAFF OFFICER \ 
 
 unsentimental name of Sukey Skinner ; and her 
 answers were always verbal, for the* best of all 
 possible reasons. Yet the old woman who suc- 
 ceeded to her station on deck, gave to them all 
 the force of her natural eloquence and matured 
 experience. 
 
 At length the anxiously expected letter reached 
 me, on receipt of which I jumped, hallooed, 
 pranced about, and cut so many fantastic capers, 
 that my messmates fancied I had been suddenly 
 deprived of my senses, and were almost confirmed 
 in that suspicion when I dragged forth my store 
 of oranges, nuts, tea, sugar, 8cc., and threw the 
 whole amongst them for a general treat ; and, 
 after tea the same afternoon, we regaled over a 
 gallon can of stiff punch ; some of us drinking — 
 to his ]Va/;s, with the Head ! 
 
 Lieutenant Jowlter, it seems, had, at the same 
 time, received a letter from his chief, to pack me off 
 bag and baggage, with a written order to present 
 myself at the rendezvous house in Dublin within 
 fourteen days. The time allowed me was liberal 
 enough in all conscience, had I not had other 
 projects just then in view. However, at all ha- 
 zards, I embraced the terms — received my pass —
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 81 
 
 and, calling a wherry alongside, shipped all my 
 traps in a twinkling : then, bidding good bye to 
 my envying shipmates, I slipped down the wall- 
 sided hulk with the alacrity of an eel escaping 
 from a mesh.
 
 82 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 CHAPTER IX, 
 
 These violent delights have violent ends, 
 And in their triumph die. 
 
 Amid the roses fierce repentance rears 
 Her snakv crest. 
 
 On shore I was met by the fair Susan, who con- 
 ducted me to the house of a most respectable fe- 
 male friend of her's, whom she represented as the 
 wife of the carpenter of the Bellyruffon, (the man- 
 ner in which the name of the Bellerophon is pro- 
 nounced by sailors and their wives,) which ship 
 was then with Lord Howe in the channel fleet. 
 In this cleanly snug retreat I found every thing 
 most comfortably prepared for my reception ; and 
 to crown all, my Susan — sweet Susan ! — had ar- 
 ranged with her friend the carpentress to remain 
 in attendance, or to '^ do for me,'' as the cockney 
 phraseology terms it.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTINE. 83 
 
 Thougli gullible enough when a fair one was in 
 question, still I was not quite such a novice as to 
 make any display of, or even to hint at the amount 
 of, my wealth. Not that at that moment of my 
 youthful confidence I entertained any doubts of 
 the honesty of Susan or her sage friend, but an 
 inward sense that my whole proceeding was 
 wrong, suggested to me the propriety of conceal- 
 ment as to the extent of my pecuniary resources. 
 
 Let me pass over a week of folly ; at the expi- 
 ration of which I felt as anxious to escape from 
 Deptford as ever I had been to fly from the de- 
 tested hulk. Susan's hair appeared to me to grow 
 each day redder and redder ; and the entire confi- 
 dence she seemed to place in her natural charms 
 rendered her negligent of those adventitious aids 
 which neatness or elegance in person and dress be- 
 stows. I was almost heretic enough to fancy she 
 was not half so young or lovely as when I first 
 beheld her on board deck, while the thoughts of 
 an after-reckonino; made me silent and reflective. 
 
 The dame of the house, who knew human na- 
 ture pretty well, saw how matters stood in my 
 mind ; and she also must have perceived that, 
 with all my folly, I was no fool. It was therefore.
 
 84 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 I presume, by her advice, that the gentle Susan 
 herself urged my departure when half the number 
 of my fourteen days had expired. 
 
 My determination once taken, I soon acted upon 
 it ; and I gladly *^ tore myself away,'^ (as novelists 
 vv^rite, when their hero walks off from the scene of 
 his romance, without any one attempting to hold 
 him back or catch at his skirts,) and in the lan- 
 guage of the Leadenhall press, "threw myself inU) 
 a coach;" that is, was helped into the *^ Royal 
 George/' (on eight wheels, with sixteen insides,) 
 and in half an hour, found myself snugly seated 
 in the coffee room of the Golden Cross, Charing 
 Cross. 
 
 I had not been above an hour in the house, 
 when I had the good fortune to be stumbled on by 
 a friend of my father's, with whom, when a little 
 boy, I had always been a favourite. This was 
 Mr. William Palliser, well known in the gay cir- 
 cles of DubUn, a companion of infinite wit, a 
 capital musician, a boti vivant, and more than all, 
 a warm-hearted, generous, Irish gentleman. 
 
 With his mother and three sisters he had come 
 to London to see the world ; but chiefly to enable 
 one of the party, the eldest daughter, to enjoy that
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 85 
 
 happiness : in fact, to have an operation performed 
 on both eyes, (which had from infancy been ob- 
 scured by cataract,) and which was most happily 
 and successfully effected by the first oculist of 
 those days. Happening to enter the coffee-room 
 of the hotel about four o'clock, in search of some 
 newly arrived Pat, he espied me just going to 
 attack a mutton chop in a corner box. His eyes 
 caught mine, and were fixed on me; while, at the 
 same time, he seemed to doubt my identity. He 
 asked some question of the waiter *' sotto voce," 
 to which the man of the towel answered by the 
 usual cockney blunder: ** I dojit know — I'm 
 sure r 
 
 This prince of good-fellows came over to my 
 corner, and holding out his hand pronounced my 
 name, to which I responded by springing almost 
 into his arms. Not having seen me for nearly two 
 yeai*s, I had grown out of his recollection, but my 
 features were still familiar to him. He would not 
 suffer me to touch my smoking chop, but hurry- 
 ing me up stairs introduced me to his mother and 
 sisters, with only one of whom (the youngest) 
 I had been previously acquainted. 
 
 The dinner table was laid with six covers, for
 
 86 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 he calculated on picking up a stray countryman in 
 the course of his daily rambles ; and fortunately, his 
 circumstances enabled him to indulge his generous 
 feelings. His father, who was still living, was a 
 wealthy brewer of Dublin, and whether abroad or 
 at home, Mr. William, the only son, had a ^^ carte 
 blanche" on the bank of La Touche and Co. His 
 mother was one of those unassuming kind gentle- 
 women of the old school. The daughters were 
 modern and genteel, in the most pleasing and 
 perfect sense of that much hacknied phrase, com- 
 bining much of the good sense and good nature 
 of their venerable parents with all the polish of 
 latter days. In such society I grieved to think 
 my hours of enjoyment were numbered; then 
 did my waste of time at Deptford first haunt me 
 as an act of guilt. With all the ingenuousness 
 of my age and temper I told my whole story to 
 my friend over our bottle, not concealing the 
 Deptford affair, on hearing which, he assured me 
 with well affected, studied solemnity that he would 
 have the pleasure of repeating it to my father 
 whenever they met. 
 
 With this kind family I enjoyed all the amuse- 
 ments which London and its vicinity afforded, and
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 87 
 
 after four days' and indeed nights' enjoyment, for 
 we always kept it up, Irish fashion, long after the 
 small hours, I parted from them all with a regret 
 so mutual and sincere, as to bring tears into the 
 eyes of these dear good girls, in whose society 1 
 experienced so much happiness, unalloyed by any 
 one act or thought unworthy the sacred character 
 of friendship. On the morning of my departure, 
 only two hours after our usual late breaking up, 
 I found my kind and generous friend in his dress- 
 ing gown, having sat up to see me fairly off. 
 
 On calling for my bill I found that there was 
 none against me. To be sure, my friend's hospi- 
 tality rendered it impossible I should have an 
 eating and drinking bill ; but my lodgings — cham- 
 bermaid — boots — waiter, all, all were satisfied. 
 Not one sous had I to disburse ; and when remon- 
 strating against this trespass on his kindness, he 
 only interrupted me by whispering that he had 
 something for me which might be useful on the 
 road, which he endeavoured to squeeze into my 
 hand. I knew it was money; but I rejected it, 
 assuring him that I had exactly sixteen guineas 
 left, which was nearly three times the sum I should 
 have occasion to spend on my journey. An ocu-
 
 88 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 lar demoustration alone satisfied him that I was not 
 overcalculating my means. He then bade me fare- 
 well, and T grieve to say I never saw him after- 
 wards. My father, however, enjoyed that plea- 
 sure many a time and oft, and by reference to my 
 letters convinced him that neither time nor dis- 
 tance has obliterated the gratitude of one to whom 
 he had been so kind. 
 
 Stuck up on the roof of the Holyhead coach, 
 I was rattled over the stones in the imperfect 
 twilight, and felt heartily glad when we got fairly 
 on the road to wrap up in my boat-cloak. I pre- 
 pared myself for a nap, which notwithstanding my 
 being an exterior, and the air cold and weather 
 showery, I enjoyed for two or three hours. The 
 out sides sat all round the roof with their legs dang- 
 lins: : the hind boot or basket was crammed with 
 luggage ', but having been so early as to have a 
 choice of seats, I took up a central position, and 
 was hemmed in all round, so that accident, ex- 
 cept in case of an overset, was impossible. I did 
 not feel perfectly awake until we arrived at Ban- 
 bury to breakfast ; for the remainder of the day 
 I held my post like a man, enjoying myself and 
 amusing my fellow-passengers with a song and a
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 89 
 
 tale ; but towards midnight the clouds began to 
 lour, and shortly afterwards a torrent of sonorous 
 rain made me feel very uncomfortable. We were 
 not yet half way on our road ; but intimating my 
 wish to become a member of the lower house for 
 the remainder of the journey, I was booked " in- 
 side" accordingly, ** paying the difference :" not a 
 word was uttered amongst the party on whom I 
 had been so unceremoniously thrust. Having made 
 all their arrangements for the night, and pulled 
 down their caps, they might have been griffins for 
 anything which I could see to the contrary. I 
 could make out no distinctive feature of a human 
 being ; but following their example, I was soon 
 dreaming ofmy late days and nights of pleasure. 
 
 In the intervals of sleep, I thought of my ex- 
 cellent friend, Mr. W P , and his dear 
 
 sisters, and wished to dream of them too. I awoke 
 about six very much in love (according to Tom 
 Piper's idea of the dehghtful passion ;) and was 
 heartily glad to be invited to walk up a long hill 
 for the relief of the horses, which kept me for 
 nearly half an hour in healthful exercise. My 
 fellow ** insides" were three in number, only one 
 of whom had a tongue (except for grumbling,)
 
 90 
 
 and this was the hvely httle Lieutenant Tur- 
 ner, royal navy agent for transports, who was 
 unfortunately killed some years after by his horse 
 taking fright at a discharge of rockets, on oc- 
 casion of the rejoicing for Nelson's victory of the 
 Nile. His long snooze (as he termed it) over, his 
 conversation, good humour, and politeness to us 
 all, never flagged during a long and otherwise dull 
 day. The two sulky ones were Taffies from Ban- 
 gor, who had been up to town on a law suit (of 
 course ;) thus much we could gather from their 
 gibberish, while from their tempers it was pretty 
 evident they were not the successful party. Having 
 dropped their company at Bangor, we crossed the 
 feriy, and took up as passengers to Holyhead only 
 two young ladies, natives of the island of Angle- 
 sea, whose pleasing manners and sprightly con- 
 versation was a happy relief to the dulness of the 
 druidical pair we had just discharged ; and they 
 enlivened the remainder of our journey through 
 the principality. 
 
 The next morning {my awful fourteenth day !) 
 we were aroused from our beds at three o'clock. 
 The wind whistled, the rain fell in slanting yet 
 heavy showers ; we followed the lantern of our
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 91 
 
 guide to the place of embarkation in dogged 
 silence and the worst of spirits. I was wet 
 through my cloak ere I gained the packet, but 
 once on board, comfort and civility reigned in 
 every department. I pulled off my upper clothing 
 and turned in, having previously seen from the 
 state of the skies that we were about to have a 
 regular gale ; nor was I deceived. The anchor up, 
 we set off under a four-reefed mainsail, three- 
 reefed foresail, and the storm jib; the wind was 
 easterly, fair as we could wish, but raising a 
 frightful cross sea at the meeting of the tides. 
 Could we have carried on all the voyage, we 
 should have reached Dublin harbour in six or 
 seven hours, but the wind came down at times in 
 such tremendous squalls, as rendered it necessary 
 to dowse everything and scud before it. The 
 Holyhead packets were at all times perfection 
 itself: as regarded captain, crew, and craft, every- 
 thing which good seamanship could effect might 
 be depended on, so that none of us felt the slightest 
 uneasiness. 
 
 At length, after nine hours, the white tower of 
 the Dublin lighthouse was seen occasionally to 
 show its glittering head through the lofty and
 
 92 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 boiling sea that in every direction foamed round 
 its rugged base. We were doomed to pass a full 
 hour, standing off and on, waiting for water over 
 the bar ; within another hour and a half our vessel 
 was well up the harbour, and by three p.m. we 
 were snugly moored in the Packets' berth, oppo- 
 site the Pigeon-house. At this place we got on 
 board the packet wherry or tender, and with our 
 luggage were landed at Sir John Rogers's quay, 
 where, after submitting our trunks to the most 
 indulgent examination and paying the usual fees, 
 we were suffered to depart. The day waned 
 apace. I had stated candidly to Lieutenant 
 Turner the precise circumstances under which I 
 stood ; and he strenuously advised me not to 
 lose a moment in presenting myself at the Ren- 
 dezvous House, giving it as his opinion that if 
 I failed to do so, I should be reported '^ R.U.X.," 
 and probably seized at my own father's table as a 
 deserter. 
 
 Instead of going directly to his own home, 
 where every domestic happiness awaited him, he 
 posted off vsdth me (leaving our luggage at a 
 public-house) to the lower ferry, which on cross- 
 ing, we were at once on the steps of the Ren-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 93 
 
 dezvous House, Union quay. The whole was not 
 the work of an hour, and long before five o'clock 
 I had the satisfaction to receive back my pass 
 with the certificate of the officer, that I had that 
 day presented myself according to the terms of 
 my pass. I was informed that it would be suffi- 
 cient if I showed myself once or twice a week 
 until further orders. 
 
 Although within two streets of home on my 
 return, I insisted on escorting the good lieutenant 
 to his house, which lay beyond Merrion Square, 
 and setting him down with his portmanteau ; 
 which act of attention performed, I resisted his 
 pressing entreaties to enter, and proceeded home- 
 wards, reserving my visit to him and Mrs. T. 
 lor some future day. The hackney-coachman did 
 not spare the whip, seeing he had a young and 
 impatient hot/ienard-Ojund customer, and I was 
 soon at home once more, amidst parents and 
 brothers, sisters and friends, all of whom received 
 me with the most endearing kindness. 
 
 When I told them the narrow escape I had of 
 being returned a deserter, and some anecdotes of 
 that hammer-headed shark Jowlter, they one and 
 all protested against my ever tempting the main
 
 94 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 with the chance of falhng under the command 
 of such a ruffian. I had my own thoughts too, 
 much to the same purport, but on that point 
 was silent. 
 
 Happening to arrive on an evening when a few 
 young friends had increased our family party, and 
 a neighbour or two were dropping in, who had heard 
 of my return, we were allowed our own time and 
 amusements, and it was nearly three (just twenty- 
 four hours since my departure from Holyhead) ; 
 ere our festive party separated. The morning's 
 interview with my father brought on explanations ; 
 and that very day I accompanied him to our con- 
 stant friend and adviser Sir Alexander Schom- 
 berg, who in the course of half an hour's friendly 
 chat with me alone, elicited all he wished to 
 know ; and then, with his characteristic kindness, 
 he advised me to give over all thoughts of the 
 navy ; stating that it was a service in which I 
 ought to have entered when a mere boy, before 
 the manly feelings expand, otherwise the severity 
 of the discipline, and the treatment I should in 
 nine cases out of ten be subject to, would em- 
 bitter my life. I repeatedly thanked the good 
 knight for his advice, and promised to follow it.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 95 
 
 I had still however a hankering for the noble 
 profession with all its drawbacks ; but the thoughts 
 of the gruff Lord Charles, and that old demon 
 of the Deptford hulk, kept my mind in a constant 
 state of suspense for several days. At length 
 I decided, and forthwith resigned my berth.
 
 96 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 O "Westmoreland, thou art a summer hiid, 
 Which even in the haunch of winter sings. 
 
 It may be necessary to refer to the state of Ireland 
 at this period. 
 
 The year 1792 was distinguished for the sup- 
 pression of that dangerous political society, '^The 
 United Irishmen ;" and the following year, 
 the boon of the elective franchise was conceded to 
 the Roman Catholic freeholders, as a measure of 
 conciliation to the members of that church ; and 
 this too in the very zenith of the power of that po- 
 litical faction, which assumed to itself the right, 
 or at least exercised the power, of dictating to the 
 representative of Majesty, and whose partisans, with 
 all their distinctive sagacity, saw but too clearly
 
 oil, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 97 
 
 to what further encroachment this partial con- 
 cession would eventually lead. The government 
 of the country was then vested in John, Earl of 
 Westmoreland, vvlio was himself in the hands of 
 such men as the Chancellor Clare, Chief Justice 
 Clonmell, the Beresfords, and their powerful ad- 
 herents. 
 
 Lord Westmoreland was then at thirty-three, 
 what he still continues at seventy, a lover of plea- 
 sure as well as power — apparently tenacious of 
 both ; but if the sacrifice of one for the preserva- 
 tion of the other became an indispensable condition 
 of his existence, he would have resigned the lat- 
 ter. He had, the year before, lost his amiable 
 countess, (the daughter and co-heiress of the 
 wealthy Mr. Child, the banker ;) and at the period 
 I now refer to, was endeavouring to cheer his 
 hours of widowhood in the fascinating society of 
 the celebrated Mrs. Stratford, since Countess of 
 Aldborough, wife to Colonel the Honorable John 
 Stratford, then nicknamed *' the goat ;" for what 
 reason I never presumed to enquire ; and can 
 only guess that it might be from his attachment 
 to the mountains of Wicklow, where he had so 
 constantly rusticated and brpwsed, that it was al- 
 
 VOL. 1. E
 
 98 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 most forgotten that Mi's. Stratford had such a 
 thing as a husband, until the decease of his bro- 
 ther the Earl, who, from certain well-known cir- 
 cumstances, was nicknamed " Otium sine digni- 
 tate," raised him to a title and a new place in 
 society. 
 
 The Lord Lieutenant, relieved from much of the 
 cares of state by the dominion exercised over his 
 government by the party referred to, had little 
 more to do in state affairs than wade through the 
 tedious minutes of a council, affix his signature, 
 and so conclude his public duties. 
 
 His Lordship may be truly said to have lived in 
 the saddle one-third part of his life. Age has not 
 controlled or crippled his habits of locomotion : 
 his greatest enjoyment seems, even now, to be to 
 move with rapidity, without apparently any given 
 object but the mere pleasure which velocity of 
 motion conveys to him. In his chariot, no pace 
 under twelve miles an hour will keep a coachman 
 in his place for one month. 
 
 On the breaking up of a council, his lordship 
 was to be seen issuing in full pace from the gate 
 of the castle yard, followed, or rather pursued, by 
 the vice-regal staff: his dress a plain brown coat,
 
 Oil, TJli: SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 99 
 
 (hence the name Westmoreland brown, long known 
 in Dublin,) white leathers, as /loiv, brown top- 
 boots, a cocked hat, worn, as was then the fash- 
 ion, parade-ways, (not fore and aft;) with a suite 
 comprising all the dashing men of the day. 
 Amongst the number was the illustrious Welling- 
 ton, then Major Arthur Wellesley, aide-de-camp 
 to his Excellency ; Colonel Cradock, (now Lord 
 Howden;) Colonel Freemantle, who died in 1799, 
 on his passage from the West Indies, after the re- 
 duction of the French islands; an officer of dis- 
 tinguished gallantry, whose name and military 
 character find an honorable representative in the 
 person of his son Colonel John Freemantle, Cold- 
 stream Guards, who served as aide-de-camp to the 
 great Wellington during the whole of his penin- 
 sular campaign. 
 
 The vice-regal court was never at any period 
 more gay — (dare I say licentious?) The care of 
 the nation was left to those whom long habit and 
 the pleasure and profits of dominion reconciled to 
 the drudgery and corruption, the great and only 
 power of government, which stalked uncontrolled 
 through every office and department of the 
 state.
 
 100 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 Supreme in pride, in talent, and authority, 
 stood the Lord Chancellor Clare, a man whose 
 daring mind admitted of no dictation. No pedant 
 ever exercised a more complete mastery over his 
 submissive scholars than did this modern Wolsey 
 over an obsequious House of Peers, although op- 
 posed by a Leinster, a Charlemont, and other 
 tried patriots ; while in the Commons, the Beres- 
 fords, Fosters, Hutchinsons, Dawsons, and Tolers, 
 held their sway against the talents of Grattan, 
 Ponsonby, Connolly, and Curran. 
 
 It may appear a puerile observation, but it will 
 at tlie same time be admitted as an extraordinary 
 circumstance, that the period alluded to was that 
 of the power of the Johns : take for example 
 the following names, drawn from the tablet of 
 memory.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 101 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 Thrle to thine — three to thine — 
 And THREE again to make up nine. 
 
 THE REIGN OF THE JOHNS. 
 
 John, Earl of Westmoreland, was Lord Lieu- 
 tenant. 
 
 John Fitzgibbon, Earl of Clare, Chancellor. 
 
 John Scott, Earl Clonmell, Lord Chief Justice. 
 
 John Hutchinson, Provost, Trinity College, 
 with two sons in Parliament. 
 
 John Beresford, chief commissioner of the 
 revenue. 
 
 John Foster, (Lord Oriel,) Speaker of the House 
 of Commons. 
 
 John Toler, (Earl Norbury,) Solicitor- General. 
 
 John P. Curran, his great political antagonist. 
 
 Sir John Blaquiere, (afterwards Lord de Bla- 
 quiere,) chief commissioner of the paving and
 
 102 
 
 lighting board, and job-master-general to His 
 Majesty^ s government ! 
 
 Of the first on the list it might be said that, as 
 he thought by proxy, and acted under control, he 
 ought not to be deemed responsible for the evils 
 of his administration. This is the most charitable 
 view that can be taken of his government of the 
 Irish nation, which he found agitated and left 
 convulsed. 
 
 The second, Jo hnFitz GIBBON, Earl Clare, 
 was a man formed by nature for deeds of daring : 
 on him the gownsman's robes unseemly sat ] in his 
 hands the sceptre would not have proved a 
 bauble, nor the marshal's truncheon a mere badge 
 of office. He had a mind capable of ruhng the 
 destinies of nations and bending them to his pur- 
 pose ; but, fortunately for mankind, the opinions 
 of his ambition were professionally fettered in 
 his early life ; the sole object of which seemed 
 to be to crush the liberties and subdue the spirit 
 of the land of his fathers. It has been said, I 
 know not how truly, that he was educated at a 
 Jesuit's college on the continent ; and certainly 
 his sophistical arguments in all political discus- 
 sion in which he made ^' the worse appear the
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 103 
 
 better reason," would incline me to believe he 
 owed his manner of thinking to the lessons in- 
 culcated by the disciples of Loyola : as I have 
 not yet done with him I shall dismiss his name 
 for the present, and turn to that of 
 
 John Scott, Baron Earlsfort, Vis- 
 count and Earl of Clonmell, was one who 
 from the humblest beginning rose to the highest 
 professional dignity, and to a political conse- 
 quence not easily conceivable by Englishmen, 
 accustomed to see the judges of the land, with 
 the exception of the Chancellor, confine their 
 powers to the sphere of their respective courts. 
 
 John Scott, known in his own county (Tippe- 
 rary) by the soubrique of Shawn Bwee, '^ yel- 
 low (or brazen-faced) Jack," was contempo- 
 rary with the amiable Yelverton (Chief Baron 
 and afterwards Lord Avonmore) ; with Wolfe of 
 Kildare (Lord Kilwarden) ; James Fitzgerald, 
 prime-serjeant, father of the Right Honorable 
 Vesey Fitzgerald ; with Burke, Flood, Grattan, 
 Curran, and a host of the luminaries of those 
 days. He had early distinguished himself at 
 college by a haughty unbending temper, which 
 poverty could not subdue, nor kindness conciliate.
 
 104 THE STAFF OFFICETl; 
 
 He seemed to feel that he possessed within his 
 own powerful mind the genu of future greatness ; 
 and bore himself with corresponding dignity. I 
 have heard that he originally entered college as 
 sizer (or servitor), in which capacity it was a 
 portion of his duty to place the dishes on the 
 dining table of the fellows ; but this was no de- 
 gradation when shared by a Yelverton and others, 
 who in after life put fortune to the blush for her 
 capricious neglect of youthful genius. To the 
 honor of the fellows also let it be recorded that 
 the most marked respect was invariably shown 
 by them personally to those gentlemen, who, in 
 the discharge of an ancient duty, more honored 
 in the breach than the observance, had a task 
 to perform so humiliating to a high-minded youth. 
 Having passed through college with credit, 
 >Scott proceeded to England to eat his terms, and 
 having gone through that routine was called to 
 the bar. 
 
 In the unsettled state of Irish politics, and 
 with a strong opposition in the Commons, govern- 
 ment watched the rising talent exhibited at the 
 bar as a source of future support. Scott with 
 ambitious foresight saw the path to fame, to
 
 on, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 105 
 
 wealth, and rank open to him ; and did not 
 scruple to embrace the means of advancing his 
 claims to them. He tendered his services to the 
 crown party, was accepted, and immediately re- 
 turned for a government borough. 
 
 In 1774, when scarcely thirty-five years of 
 age, he became solicitor-general ; and having 
 been successively promoted to the offices of at- 
 torney-general, and prime-serjeant, he was in 
 1784 elevated to the chief-justiceship of the 
 King's Bench with the honors of a peerage. 
 Whether in the senate or at the bar he was 
 equally decided and overbearing. Courageous 
 by constitution, and pugnacious by policy, he 
 not only talked, but fought his way to professional 
 and political distinction ; indeed there was that 
 honorable (or as some may term it barbarous) 
 understanding in the members of both houses, 
 that they were liable at any moment to be called 
 to account for personalities, and consequently in 
 almost every warm debate the seeds of a per- 
 sonal rencontre were laid. Scott's impetuous and 
 domineering style of declamation exposed him, 
 both in town and on circuit, to the trial of the 
 trigger ; and having perfectly established his
 
 106 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 character as a man of unflinching courage, he 
 could the better afford those proofs of moderation 
 and concession, which in a few years he judged 
 it prudent to exhibit. 
 
 Professional honors fell thick upon his brow. 
 He was borne on a tide of success from his 
 first appearance in pubHc hfe, while his fortune 
 received a considerable and splendid increase by 
 his second marriage with Miss Lawless, daughter 
 of an opulent citizen of Dublin, a remarkably 
 fine woman, who survived her lord thirty years, 
 and continued in the enjoyment of health and 
 the daily practice of piety and benevolence to 
 an advanced age. 
 
 The government found in the courtly judge 
 all the spirit and fire of the daring advocate. We 
 have had but one man in our latter days to whom 
 as a judge we can compare him, and whose ad- 
 mission to a seat in the cabinet did more to 
 bring the name of British justice into discredit 
 and contempt than even the intemperate judgments 
 of that modern Rhadamanthus. Scott, when 
 raised to the peerage, became one of the chief 
 props of that corrupt, tottering fabric, the West- 
 moreland administration, and sustained his power-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 107 
 
 ful position during the remainder of his active 
 life. 
 
 John Hely Hutchinson, having been the 
 father of ministerial jobs for the preceding thirty 
 years, in the year 1793, yielded up his ambition 
 to the calmness of private live. He had always 
 declined the honors of the peerage in his own 
 person, but secured it for his posterity.* His wife 
 was created a peeress in her own right by the 
 style and title of Baroness Donoughmore, of 
 Knocklofty, county of Tipperary, with remainder 
 to her heirs male by her husband. By the death 
 of the baroness, the title devolved on her eldest 
 son Richard, late Earl of Donoughmore, who 
 enjoyed the peerage for six years during the 
 lifetime of his father (a commoner), of whom I 
 shall have occasion to say something by-and- 
 bye. 
 
 John Beresford, brother to the Marquis 
 of Waterford, and to the archbishop of Tuam, 
 
 • Tliia is the gentleman of whom Lord Townsend, on his return 
 from the vice-royalty of Ireland, is reported to have said to his 
 Majesty, George the Third, — " If your Majesty gave him Great 
 Britain and Ireland aa an estate, he could ask for the Isle of Man as 
 a cabbage garden.
 
 108 THE STAFF officer; 
 
 afterwards Lord Decies, was, although the hum- 
 blest in rank, the most powerful in interest of that 
 family and faction. Reared in that hotbed of 
 corruption, the Irish Court, he may be said to 
 have lived and fattened on the degradation and 
 misfortunes of his native land. 
 
 Early in life he married one of the three daugh- 
 ters of Sir William Montgomery, who from their 
 beauty and accomplishments were complimented 
 with the title of the Graces ; the Marquis of 
 Townsend married another ; and the Right Hon. 
 Luke Gardiner, afterwards Lord Mountjoy, father 
 of the late Earl of Blessington, the third. Mrs. 
 Beresford was long the " grace and ornament" 
 of the Irish Court ; while Beresford, then in the 
 prime of life, and one of a family remarkable for 
 the advantages of person, was no less attractive in 
 his sphere. The offices which he not only en- 
 joyed himself, but those w^hich fell within his 
 patronage to bestow, created a powerful influence, 
 and which an increase of favors on the part of the 
 crow^n could alone secure. The elder brother, 
 then Earl of Tyrone, was in a great degree 
 guided in the disposal of his parliamentary favors 
 bvthe advice of his brother John, who, being more
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 109 
 
 immediately in the secrets of the state, knew to 
 what precise objects to direct the /)<:/^r/o^/c views of 
 his fraternal boroughmonger. It is by no means a 
 false figure to present Ireland as lying bound at 
 the feet of this all-powerful family and faction. 
 
 John Foster (late Lord Oriel, for many 
 years Speaker of the Irish House of Commons,) 
 had been originally called to the bar, and pos- 
 sessing a tolerably easy fortune with good con- 
 nections, found no difficulty in entering parliament ; 
 where having risen to the Speaker's chair, he main- 
 tained that important office with dignity and cre- 
 dit for many years. He owed -much of his fluc- 
 tuating popularity to his judicious support of the 
 linen manufactures of his native province, of 
 which he was with some justice called the father 
 and protector. He was accounted an excellent 
 speaker (not orator), and perfect master of the 
 rules of debate. Indeed this knowledge, seconded 
 by his own suavity of manners, was but too often 
 found necessary during those occasionally stormy 
 debates, in which the strongest personalities were 
 flung with an unsparing tongue and promiscuous 
 range, and too often obliged him to shut his ears. 
 Mr. Grattan's attack on Flood is a matter ot his-
 
 no THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 tory.* On the discussion of the Union, when smart- 
 ing under a most unmannerly and personal attack 
 of the Irish Chancellor of the Exchequer, Isaac 
 Corry, the same gentleman, in his reply in his own 
 peculiar accent and style, retorted with great and 
 merited acrimony. The cry of order ! order ! only 
 seemed to increase the disorder ; for there was in 
 the Irish house none of that amicable humbug prac- 
 ticed in its imperial survivor which allows an 
 honourable gentleman to bluster and bully, and 
 exit with a fierce look at the opposite bench ; 
 while the speaker in the twinkling of an eye lays 
 both honourable gentlemen by the heels, until 
 each assures the other in all the complacency of 
 senatorial slang, that his observations were aimed 
 at his antagonist ^^ 'politically and not personally ;'^ 
 and ifihe honourable member believed otherwise, 
 he was happy to undeceive hitriy and bow to the 
 judgment of the chair — (your /fis a great peace- 
 maker.) This is all right in a country where, from 
 the coal-heaver to the chancellor, the tongue is the 
 grand weapon; but the hot-blooded Irish had a way 
 
 * The spirit of poor Flood sank under this attack. Burke 
 aasurea us he shed tears, and deplored the loss of Grattan's friend- 
 ship as a sorrow beyond ail others this world could inflict.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. Ill 
 
 and will of their own. Both Grattan and Con-y 
 fled the house before the speaker could see them, 
 for the best of all reasons, that he did not raise 
 his head until they were both fairly beyond the 
 outer door. The parties met in the fields in Denzil 
 Street, within five hundred yards of the house, 
 at four o'clock in the morning ; for immediately 
 after the cause of meeting, they were both too 
 much flurried to do mischief, and before the second 
 fire they were interrupted by the serjeant at 
 arms. 
 
 As Speaker, Mr. Foster was popular on both 
 sides of the house : though a staunch supporter 
 of government, he never lost sight of the dignity 
 and impartiality of the chair. 
 
 The propositions called *^ Pitt's" for cripphng 
 the free trade of Ireland, were nearly carried 
 under his auspices, during his short service as 
 Chancellor of the Exchequer, in, I believe, the 
 Portland administration, which brought general 
 odium upon him, and was the cause of great riots, 
 and of his effigy having been burnt in front of the 
 Parliament House during the sitting, in which the 
 defeat of the bill took place ; but his ancient
 
 112 THiE sTAFi^ officer; 
 
 popularity revived to a pitch of enthusiasm from 
 his powerful and unshaken opposition to the 
 Union in 1799 and 1800. 
 
 It would perhaps be doing great injustice to 
 the purity of his motives in that opposition, to 
 suppose that the loss of place and patronage had 
 more than its allowable and feeble share in his 
 strong: and consistent resolution to contend inch 
 by inch for the legislative independence of his 
 country. 
 
 His wife was already viscountess in her own 
 right ; but he from various causes was not in 
 overflowing affluence. His opposition therefore, 
 when he had only to name his termsy must be 
 deemed honourable and virtuous ; indeed there 
 was no bribe in the shape of pension or dignity, 
 with which that worthy instrument of his coun- 
 try's degradation. Lord Castlereagh, did not 
 tempt this well-proved patriot to ^^ give up his use- 
 less opposition/'* who, at the age of sixty, might 
 have slunk into the peerage with only a portion 
 of that obloquy, which, as divided amongst so 
 
 * An expression extracted from a letter then publislied, as hav- 
 ing passed from the secretary to the Speaker.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 113 
 
 many, would not have been felt by one of the 
 crowd. 
 
 The union, by force and fraud, however, was 
 carried ; John Foster lost his chair, but preserved 
 his character ; and the busy politician became the 
 no less busy and bountiful landlord ; improving^ 
 beautifying, and enriching one of the most lovely 
 spots in Ireland, and creating about himself a 
 host of grateful tenantry ; while, as a county mem- 
 ber in the imperial parliament, he was always at 
 his post, an indefatigable and righteous repre- 
 sentative of his country, for which he subse- 
 quently once more became officially employed as 
 Chancellor of the Irish Exchequer. 
 
 John Toler (now Earl of Norbury) with 
 not one half of the talents, but much of the ambi- 
 tion, and all the spirit of his countryman Scott, 
 Earl of Clonmell, entered parliament under the 
 implied protection of Lord Clare. He too, al- 
 though a ** man of many words," was also a dis- 
 ciple of the O 'Trigger school. In one of his duels 
 when solicitor-general (that I believe with Coun- 
 sellor C *****) his pistol hung fire, and the 
 priming fizzed away in the pan. At length it 
 popped off, but the ball dropped half way be-
 
 114 ♦ THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 tween the belligerents. ^^ A line hall,'' said 
 Toler. *' Government powder by G — d/' observed 
 C * ^'^ * * * *, *' try your luck again, Jack." 
 " Not I, my good fellow/' replied Toler ; ^^ if you 
 are satisfied, I am :" so they shook hands and 
 walked off chatting and punning together for half 
 an hour, when they proceeded to court to plant, in 
 their legal and political hostility towards each 
 other, fresh seeds of future animosity. 
 
 Toler was a man of parsimonious and inhospi- 
 table habits, under a most imposing display of 
 pompous and hospitable words. Whether he was 
 in this respect controlled by his wife, (as is said to 
 be the case with a great legal character in this 
 country,) is a family secret ; but both as Jack 
 Toler and Lord Norbury he has always had the 
 name of being a man who knew the value of a 
 dinner and a bottle, and never bestowed either 
 without having some political or personal advan- 
 tage in view. Few men had a more fortunate 
 professional career, or more rapid elevation to the 
 highest honors. He, like his chief governor, was 
 an active and indefatigable horseman, fond of the 
 chase, and an unquestionable authority on all points 
 of equine perfection and qualification. Indeed,
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 115 
 
 his fondness for the horse*" betrayed itself in situ- 
 ations the most awful. For example, when young 
 
 James C of Kildare was convicted before his 
 
 Lordship of that which, in the year 1798, was 
 termed ** high treason," viz., being out all 
 night, perhaps, with his sweetheart, and not able 
 or willing to account for himself, or what com- 
 pany he had been in ; it has been said that, in 
 pronouncing the dreadful sentence of the law, 
 which he prefaced with a long and affecting de- 
 tail of his early knowledge of the ^* bo(/'s" former 
 loyalty and good disposition, and concluded with 
 the accustomed invocation to divine mercy, *' The 
 Lord have mercy on your soul," he added, in a 
 lower tone of voice to his registrar, '^ Tell Jemmy 
 that as he will not want that chesnut pony which he 
 rode into town this morning, he may as well sell him 
 to me !" 
 
 The unfortunate Jemmy C did not want 
 
 that pony again ; for in twelve hours after his sen- 
 tence, the head of the luckless youth, only eigh- 
 teen years of age, was exhibited on the spikes in 
 the front of the county jail, a horrid spectacle ! 
 
 • Which lie has adopted as the dexter support of his armorial 
 shield.
 
 116 THE STAFF officer; 
 
 Lord Norbury's fame for the art (with him the 
 vice) of punning is by no means exaggerated : 
 but it was that of the Irish bar generally ; arid 
 there scarcely was an occasion too serious to re- 
 strain a propensity so derogatory to the dignity of 
 the court. On one occasion, to which I was an 
 accidental witness, a gentleman who was afflicted 
 with a huge wen on one side of his face, having 
 given his evidence in some civil action, had just 
 retired from court. Lord Norbury, who had 
 watched his departure, seemed burning on the 
 bench for an opportunity to say something, and re- 
 marked, with the preliminary puff of his cheeks, 
 '^ that he never heard a clearer evidence ;" add- 
 ing, (with a look at the bar,) '* 'Tis a pity he was 
 not a lawyer.^*" — ^' Why so, my Lord?" asked 
 little Leonard Macnallyj (twisting his head round 
 like a magpie, as he sat beneath the bar,) ^' Be- 
 cause he's all jaw" said his Lordship. ^' He'd 
 make a better judge, I think, my Lord," retorted 
 Mac, '' for the jaw is all on one side.'' The court 
 was convulsed with laughter. But these kind of 
 indecent, undignified jokes were (and I fear are 
 still) but too common in the Irish courts of law. 
 
 * Counsellor in Irelaud — in England any pettifogging attorney.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 117 
 
 Lord Norbury's earthly career must in nature's 
 course soon close. There have been worse men in 
 power than his Lordship. His support of the 
 Union was the last great part he played in the 
 political drama of Irish legislation ; and I trust 
 when the curtain of life drops, he may be able to 
 reconcile to his conscience the vote he bestowed, 
 and the influence he exercised to promote the 
 success of that odious measure i 
 
 John Philpot Curran, although for so 
 many years before the public as the most popular 
 and the most prosperous advocate of his age, and 
 a felicitous speaker, was by no means a profound 
 debater in the senate. His constant and violent 
 opposition to the court party had, to all appear- 
 ance, doomed him to eternal exclusion from 
 office ; but the short-lived whig administration of 
 1805-6 suddenly placed him in the almost sine- 
 care-office of Master of the Rolls in Ireland. 
 
 It has been stated that the great object of his 
 ambition, the Irish chancellorship with a peerage, 
 had indirectly been held out to his hopes. I do 
 not believe that such was the case ; for George 
 Ponsonby, who on that occasion succeeded to the 
 Great Seal, had been promised the chancellorship
 
 118 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 SO far back as 1788, should the party to which he 
 so devotedly attached himself in the memorable 
 regency question ever come into power ; and 
 viewing his near connection with the great whig 
 families in both countries — Devonshire, Spencer, 
 Bessborough, &c. — his succession to the woolsack, 
 whenever the opportunity offered, was deemed 
 certain by the English as well as Irish bar. 
 Curran, however, felt mortified, and even ventured 
 to remonstrate through his friend the Marquis of 
 Lansdowne, (then Lord Henry Petty,) while the 
 patents were in preparation; though he judged it 
 prudent to accept of the Rolls, which he shortly 
 afterwards resigned, retiring on a pension of three 
 thousand pounds per annum ! 
 
 Of his talents it would be as superfluous 
 to speak, as presumptuous to analyze them. They 
 chiefly lay in a brilliant display of oratory which 
 kept his hearers spell-bound, at once delighted 
 and astonished. His speeches on various occa- 
 sions have been collected with great industry, and 
 given with all the fidelity such fleeting effusions 
 are susceptible of, by his admiring and faithful 
 recorder, the amiable and talented Charles Phil- 
 lips, who has prefaced his volume with some de-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 119 
 
 tails of Curran's private life, which place his 
 character in some respects in a very pleasing point 
 of view. 
 
 Of Sir John Blaquiere, K. B., P. C, 
 I\I. P., Sec. &c. 6c c, a history might be written 
 for the use and instruction of present and future 
 court-sycophants, state-jobbers, and drawing- 
 room dependents. He first gained a footing in 
 Ireland under the Earl of Harcourt, when Lord 
 Lieutenant. Although descended from an ancient 
 and honorable foreign stock, he did not, it is said, 
 possess an acre in any part of the globe ; but his 
 own industry soon procured him that which for- 
 tune had denied. 
 
 During his connection, as Secretary of State, 
 with the administration of Lord Harcourt, cor- 
 ruption was reduced to such a regular system, 
 that *^ those who ran might read." The terms of 
 the entree, from the highest to the meanest office 
 in the castle, custom-house, or other public de- 
 partment, were never a matter of mystery. Sir 
 John prided himself on the merit of having se- 
 duced more sturdy patriots into the base subser- 
 viency of court dependents, during his public life, 
 than any secretary of modern times, (Castlereagh
 
 120 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 not excepted.) On his descent from the secre- 
 torial chair, Sir John took the good city of Dublin 
 under his paternal care. 
 
 Having obtained the notorious ^^ pavhig and 
 lighting act/' (a deed of darkness,) he procured 
 himself to be nominated perpetual chief commis- 
 sioner under the bill ; the pickings of which office 
 were rather underrated at five thousand pounds per 
 annum. To this were to be added other places and 
 pensions of the value of three more : yet he was 
 ever a needy man, a constant borrower,* and a 
 tardy payer. In order to establish a local habi- 
 tation and a name, he purchased an estate in the 
 county of Westmeath, called Port Lemon, leav- 
 ino' it with an eternal mill-stone round its neck in 
 the shape of mortgage. 
 
 It would seem like an attempt to draw on the 
 credulity of my readers to describe some of the 
 little jobs which Sir John, as Knight of the Bath, 
 M. P. and Privy Counsellor, did not disdain to 
 turn his hand to. 
 
 The visits of an upholsterer (who had long 
 lived on the pleasures of hope) became rather 
 troublesome. Sir John cast about him for ^joh 
 to serve this worthy man ; nor was his ingenuity
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 121 
 
 long at a loss to discover one. The acute Right 
 Honourable suddenly discovered that a great pub- 
 lic convenience would arise from having the ^^ fur- 
 longs from the castle" to all parts of the city, and 
 in every direction covering an extent of many miles y 
 ascertained, and posted for public information. 
 Many persons pretended to see the great advan- 
 tages that would arise from such a classification 
 of distance, yet not one of them could for the life 
 of him describe what these advantages were ; 
 although the Dublin Journal (then the organ of 
 the Orange corporation and paving-board junta) 
 puffed it off. The hackney-coach and chair fares 
 had been long before regulated, and a set-down 
 any where within the circular road (the Boulevards 
 of Dublin) was known to be one shilling, the 
 distance possibly being upwards of a mile ; why 
 therefore, when there were no fares under a shilling, 
 the fractional furlongs should have been deemed 
 of such importance was a secret which no person 
 could unravel, until it was known to have been 
 undertaken on the suggestion of Sir John ; and 
 then every citizen, from the humblest cobbler in his 
 bulk to the army contractor in his buggy, knew 
 the whi/ and the wherefore of the job. The fa- 
 
 VOL. I. F
 
 122 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 voured upholsterer was selected, as the man of all 
 others who took up Sir John's idea the most 
 clearly, as to the nature of the intended work ; 
 the grant was obtained, and in a few months 
 handsome broad tablets were stuck up to the 
 amount of probably several hundreds, in the various 
 streets and suburbs of the metropolis, giving the 
 pedestrian the important intelhgence (in which he 
 might rejoice or deplore according to circum- 
 stances) that he was just then one, two, three j or 
 
 IV. FURLONGS 
 
 FROM THE 
 
 CASTLE. 
 
 It is not to be supposed that Sir John's private 
 cabinet derived any addition through the grati- 
 tude of the contractor. 
 
 * There was, at this period, in Dublin, an attorney of the name 
 of Furlong, who, on the strength of no common stock of assurance 
 (and PROTESTANT loyalty) made himself a kind of '* fetch and 
 carry" of the news of the day between the Castle-yard and the hall 
 of the courts : his assumption of the earliest and most important 
 news, (generally picked up as an eaves-dropper in the Castle-yard,) 
 and the impudent pomposity with which he prefaced his intelligence, 
 gained him the nick-name of " One Furlong from the Castle.^'
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 123 
 
 His next job was one certainly very necessary 
 for a privy counsellor to suggest and superintend ; 
 but as his efforts in this laudable scheme were de- 
 clared to be *^ pro bono publico," I shall not in- 
 trude on the secrets of the cahinety but borrowing 
 its own motto or inscription, ^* shut the door" 
 on it. For Sir John's adhesion to Castlereagh in 
 the memorable Union question, the peerage of Ire- 
 land was adorned with his foreign name. 
 
 After all his speculations, he died in very 
 straitened circumstances, leaving Port Lemon 
 still heavily encumbered, and the amiable Baroness 
 an annuitant on the proceeds of one of his patent 
 offices, a sinecure of a thousand a year, now held 
 by one of his sons. His lordship took leave of 
 this world in 1812, and was succeeded in his title 
 and e&tate (?) by his eldest son, the present baron, 
 who lives a retired and inglorious life at Port 
 Lemon, with a numerous family ; although the 
 peerage (of course an omission) does not state that 
 the peer ever married. His second son, a lieu- 
 tenant-general in the army, an officer of undistin- 
 guished military fame, lately made an appeal to 
 the sympathy of the public through the journals
 
 124 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 of the day, on his domestic infeUcity. His third 
 son, a highly-gifted and gallant officer, who had 
 served with great distinction on the continent and 
 in the peninsular campaigns, became entangled 
 several years ago in a crim. con. cause, (Leigh v. 
 Blaquiere,) which drove him from his profes- 
 sion when arrived at the rank of major and assis- 
 tant quartermaster-general, 
 
 '' And all tbe future voyage of his life 
 Was bound in sliallows and in misery !" 
 
 He died in London, April 1827, beloved and pitied. 
 Lord de Blaquiere had a brother, or one so 
 called, a Colonel Blaquiere, w^ho was one of the 
 most extraordinary characters both in habits and 
 personal appearance of the age he lived in. He 
 probably was the elder of the two ; although his 
 climate-worn visage rendered it impossible to fix 
 his age at any precise number of years, from 
 sixty to ninety. He must, however, in his earher 
 days have possessed a fine face and person, for in 
 1800, when I saw him and heard it mentioned, he 
 was then above eighty years old, his carriage was 
 firm and erect, his dark sunken eye full of fire ; 
 and his arm (under which he generally embraced
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 125 
 
 a short but heavy black-thorn club) was the 
 terror of all encroaching coal-porters or intrusive 
 hod- men. 
 
 His constant dress was an old blue demi-regi- 
 mental-cut coat, the lappels of which came as low 
 as his hips ; the skirts were broad, short, and 
 hooked back, displaying a lining of faded scarlet 
 shaloon, evidently a *^ tale (tail) of other times ;'' 
 scarlet waistcoat edged with lace, guiltless in its 
 latter days of any outward display of the precious 
 metals; breeches of black velvet, brass buttons, and 
 knee-bands once of lace ; white woollen stockings, 
 with short canvass gaiters, highly blacked and var- 
 nished, (such as were common in the days of Wolfe,) 
 gave effect to his well-shaped leg ; while shoes of 
 substantial thickness completed his lower outfit. 
 
 On the very apex of an extraordinary 
 shaped head, was a fierce-looking black bob- 
 tailed wig, which ensconced half the fore- 
 head at the expence of much of the poll, sur- 
 mounted by a hat which defies description. It 
 had been originally tri-cocked, and of the Cum- 
 berland cut, which had this peculiar advantage, 
 that, thrown on the head ever so carelessly, it 
 always presented a cock in front. Old age, wear
 
 126 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 and tear, and the politeness of the veteran, had 
 almost obUterated its triangular formation, and 
 but for the cockade, which dangled over the left 
 eye of the vrearer, and which '^ gave the world 
 assurance" that it was once a hat, it might have 
 passed for a cap, or bonnet of the age of the Tudors. 
 
 Firm as flint, he braved all weathers in 
 this thread-bare costume; although, more pro- 
 vident than his brother, he had scraped together, 
 it was said, a few thousands, the savings of some 
 jobs in the way of foi-age contracts for the 
 army, which his Right Honorable relative had 
 procured for, and probably snacked with him. 
 The old soldier was strictly honourable in all his 
 pecimiary transactions, and proudly boasted that 
 he owed no man a shilling ! 
 
 His domestic menage was as extraordinary as 
 all his other arrangements. Truly oriental in his 
 habit, he enjoyed his plurality of wives ; and, 
 what is more astonishing, compelled them all to 
 reside under the same roof. When any difference 
 or squabbles arose on the score of priority of 
 favor, he applied the powers of his black-thorn 
 talisman, which abroad was his defence, at 
 home his baton of command ; and it seldom
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 127 
 
 failed to restore, if not peace, at least si- 
 lence. 
 
 Coming home one evening to his suburban cabin 
 on the Drumcondra road, he reached the door 
 when the full tide of war between his trio of 
 wives had reached its height. Waiting for a 
 moment's pause in the storm, (for he was a good 
 tactician,) he took advantage of it to salute the 
 door of his humble domicile with one whack of 
 his taUsman, which instantly put to flight all 
 other thoughts but those of individual safety in 
 the astounded inmates. The question now was, 
 who would venture to open the door ? An awful 
 pause ensued, but a second knock, louder than 
 the first, decided the matter, and all rushed to the 
 door, which opened to receive their lord and master. 
 
 "How now, ye hags?" said the Colonel, 
 " always squabbling — always fighting ! D — you, 
 can't you agree ? there are but three of you V 
 
 He cared so little about any man's opinion of 
 his mode of life, that he never made a secret of 
 it : of his neighbours, who were a poor and lowly 
 race of cottagers, some looked upon him as mad ; 
 and others as being " sould to the devil, and care- 
 less what he said or did in this life!" a chari-
 
 128 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 table conclusion, which the lower orders of the 
 Irish are extremely prone to come to in regard 
 to such characters. The Colonel had as many 
 sons as king Priam, some of whom have dis- 
 tinguished themselves as soldiers ; and some 
 wielding the sword and the pen with equal 
 grace and honor. The eccentric translator of 
 " Schiller's thirty years war" was said to be his 
 eldest born. I remember seeing him in 1797, 
 a Captain R. L A., an erratic comet in our world 
 of little stars ; a giant amongst us pigmies, but, 
 unfortunately, an ujti'a-devotee to Bacchanalian 
 joys.
 
 OR, THE SOt.DIER OF FORTUNE. 129 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 The best actors in the world, either for tragedy, comedy, history, 
 pastoral, pastoral comical, historical pastoral, scene individable, or 
 poem unlimited. 
 
 The seducing and dangerous effects of ** days 
 of ease and nights of pleasure" were never more 
 fully exemplified than in the state of unhappy 
 Ireland at this period. While the court was a 
 scene of every species of thoughtless dissipation, 
 turbulence, rapine, and midnight murder raged 
 throughout the country. That spii'it of insur- 
 rection, which under various names had pervaded 
 the lower classes of all the provinces from time 
 immemorial, at this period revived in some of the 
 counties under the name of Def'enderism. Tlie 
 title of Defender was now substituted for
 
 130 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 " White-Boi/;' " Heart of Steel,'' " Peep o' 
 day Boy,'' &c. So inefficient had been the 
 means employed for the suppression of this 
 widely-spread banditti, that their depredations 
 at last approached the capital, and the adjoin- 
 ing counties of Wicklow, Meath, and Kildare, 
 were night after night the scene of some shocking 
 outrage. Wretches were hung up by dozens, 
 but still the evil was not subdued. In the midst 
 of these horrors, the wheel of fashion whirled 
 on in its giddy round : the great emporium of 
 pleasure and intrigue was the private theatre, 
 Fishamble Street. From some offence taken by 
 the leaders of the ton at the conduct of Daly, 
 the patentee of the Dubhn theatre, they de- 
 termined to establish one of their own ; and 
 certainly if such an innovation of the rights of 
 an individual, and of a profession dependent on 
 public favor for their daily bread, could be de- 
 fended or paUiated, the splendid manner in 
 which their object was carried into effect would 
 throw a veil over its injustice, and indeed, 
 cruelty. This theatre, about as large as the 
 Lyceum, had originally been called the Music
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 131 
 
 Hall, where concerts and oratorios had been peri- 
 odically given in former days, but which fell into 
 decay in consequence of a melancholy occurrence 
 some years previously, when, on the occasion of 
 a public meeting to discuss some political sub- 
 ject, the floor gave way, and many lives were 
 unfortunately lost, besides several persons maimed 
 for life. 
 
 The interior of the building remained in ruins 
 for some time, until Mr Owenson, (the father of 
 the celebrated Lady Morgan,) a man of consider- 
 able talent in his profession as an actor, and 
 great personal respectability of character in pri- 
 vate hfe, fitted it up as a theatre for burlettas, 
 farces, &c., under a civic licence. His failure 
 once more left it a desert, and so it remained 
 until the committee of noblemen and gentlemen, 
 appointed to conduct the affairs of this dramatic 
 club, (as it might fairly be termed,) engaged it 
 for a term of years, and fitted it up in a style of 
 unequalled magnificence and splendor. During 
 its preparation the subscription list overflowed, 
 although the difficulty of becoming a subscriber 
 was great, owing to a regulation to which each 
 candidate was obliged to submit, by his eligi-
 
 132 
 
 bility being made the subject of the ballot in 
 which one black ball in ten excluded. 
 
 The committee, having been composed of the 
 very elite of fashion, took care to preserve the 
 purity of their order. At the head of the com- 
 mittee stood the late Earl of Westmeath, a 
 musician, man of taste, of humour, and quite a 
 theatrical amateur. The-stage manager was Mr. 
 Frederick Jones, the same gentleman who in 
 after years succeeded to the patenteeship, and 
 management of the Theatre Royal, Crow Street, 
 and who of course (but without the slightest 
 blemish to his character) failed, as all his pre- 
 decessors had done before him ; not however 
 until he had exhausted some of the best years 
 of his life, his entire private fortune, and that 
 of many tradesmen who became involved in his 
 misfortunes in this hopeless speculation. 
 
 All parts of this splendid temple of pleasure 
 were fitted up with equal attention to elegance 
 and comfort ; the seats in the boxes and pit 
 were considered the exclusive privilege of the 
 fair sex of the graver age and character, while 
 the gentlemen took their stations at the back of 
 the boxes, or in those avenues which were left
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 133 
 
 in the pit for entrance and egress, known at the 
 Opera by the very well applied name of *' Fops' 
 Alley,'' In the gallery the ladies and gentlemen 
 sat promiscuously, but in all parts of the house 
 full dress was indispensable. In this gallery, to- 
 wards the right hand of the principal entrance, 
 a few rows from the front, the Lord Lieutenant 
 took his seat, with his delightful friend Mrs. 
 Stmtford, encircled by a halo of the high and 
 distinguished personages of the vice-regal court. 
 
 In this galaxy of love and lustre, the observer 
 might moralize on the innocent flirtations of the 
 celebrated beauties of the day. Secure in the 
 society by which they were encompassed, all cere- 
 mony was banished ; and soon as the appearance 
 of the drop scene announced the end of an act, 
 every tongue was enfranchised, and lovely hps 
 gave utterance to those sentiments which a 
 tedious act had imprisoned. There was an ad- 
 missible and perfectly innocent closeness of con- 
 tact allowed in the gallery, (which was always 
 crowded,) which the etiquette of the lower circle 
 rendered it impossible to indulge in without ex- 
 citing observations '^ unpleasing to the married 
 ear."
 
 134 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 At the close of the entertainment the whole 
 audience, to the number of six or eight hundred, 
 congregated in the grand saloon, where that un- 
 meaning conversation called fashionable caused a 
 continuous clatter of tongues until the call of 
 carriages thinned the room. Then might be 
 seen the courtly viceroy a willing captive in 
 the train of the seducing Stratford ; his secre- 
 tary Hobart (afterwards Earl of Buckingham- 
 shire) leading out the gentle Adderly (on whom 
 he bestowed his hand and title,) — then the hand- 
 some Thurles, (late Marquis of Ormonde,) like an- 
 other Antony ready to lose the world for the Cleo- 
 patra, CI — e. The miniature Adonis C — v — nd — h 
 B— d — w took possession of his future bride, the 
 
 Countess of W th. The gallant Cradock (of 
 
 course) led out the still beautiful Mrs. A. D n ; 
 
 while the young and lovely Lady C — (now Coun- 
 tess of G — g — 11) was unfashionably gallanted 
 by her husband! The Countess of Gl — d — e 
 claimed the escort of the *^ first-turn-out " man 
 of fashion who happened to be disengaged. 
 Long Landaff, then Frank Mathew, (six feet three, 
 and handsome as Apollo,) stooped to pour '' soft 
 nonsense " into the ready ear of his Honorable
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 135 
 
 little friend Mrs. W d ; while his bluff bro- 
 ther Montague glowed under crimson smiles of 
 the portly Lady C 11. Here too the beau- 
 tiful Countess of E , (late Miss B ,) 
 
 though surrounded by a host of admirers, found 
 none more fond, or more attractive in her eyes, 
 than her own handsome Hercules^ the gallant earl. 
 
 Seated in a snug corner, shrouded from obser- 
 vation, the insidious Donoughmore fixed his basa- 
 hsk eyes on pretty little P — Ik — g — n, (Tommy 
 Moore's *' lovely duodecimo,") and seemed to live 
 but in her looks, and draw them all on himself; 
 while in another the cautious Arthur Wesley, 
 (then the corporal, now the Great Captain 
 of the age !) took post beside the wife of a citizen 
 bottonier, who had seen too much of the 
 world of fashion at a certain large house in 
 College Green to become quite reconciled to 
 the shop. The world gave to this acquaintance 
 the character of an intrigue, but it was generally 
 discredited, because the report was grounded on 
 the then major's supposed attachment: (Arthur 
 Wesley attached! ! — ridiculous !) 
 
 Of the merits of the acting company little
 
 136 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 can be said in praise. Some of the operas and 
 farces were tolerable. Captain Ashe, who was 
 their Macheath, Hawthorn, and Giles, was a 
 good bass singer, and was seconded by Captain 
 French of the Carbineers, as well as by Cap- 
 tain Withrington of the 9th Dragoons ; both 
 tolerable vocalists. Frederick Faulkner (who 
 made such a lamentable exit in Italy some few 
 years since) was one of the fine gentlemen of the 
 stage ', and Frederick Jones, the manager, their 
 chief Irishman. But he had nothing of the Sir 
 Lucius or the O'Flaherty about him, but the 
 broad shoulders, the calves, and the brogue. 
 Humphrey Butler (of four-in-hand memory) was 
 the " Fag," " Trip," and " Tom," of the com- 
 pany, and generally felt himself at home in livery. 
 The selection of such parts for him was rather in- 
 vidious, it must be confessed. The best actor by 
 far amongst the amateur aspirants for dramatic 
 fame was the late Earl of Westmeath, whose 
 ''Father Lvke" in the Poor Soldier was the 
 most perfect and finished picture of the Irish 
 parish priest ever exhibited on any stage. His 
 Lordship was a man of infinite humour, great
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 137 
 
 good-nature, and a talented musician. The or- 
 chestra fell under his control, and it was the best 
 managed part of the entertainments. 
 
 At this period, amongst other whims of the day, 
 several noblemen and gentlemen of the young and 
 sportive time of life established a club called the 
 ** Cherokees." The members were selected 
 from the most dashing and care-driving members 
 of Daly's and the Kildare Street clubs ; and the 
 qualifications were, I believe, being hard drinkerSy 
 frpe-thinkers — men who knew everybody and cared 
 for nobody ! 
 
 The dress of the members was black from head 
 to foot ; scarlet-silk covered buttons, and bunches 
 of the same coloured riband at the knees of the 
 breeches and in the shoes. This costume was an 
 improvement on the black and yellow flame colored 
 uniform of the old *'Hellfire Club," which 
 flourished a quarter of a century before, and which 
 became extinguished as its members one by one 
 WENT home! 
 
 The new club, which ran its little day in 
 whim and pleasantry, did not practise any of 
 those profane and atrocious ceremonies which 
 fame attributed to its infernal predecessor. The
 
 138 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 late Marquis of Ormonde, his brother Wandesford 
 Butler, Lord LandafF, Montague Mathew, James 
 Butler, (present Marquis Ormonde, then Captain 
 in the 14th Dragoons,) Lord Conyngham, his brother 
 Burton, Cavendish Bradshaw, Thomas (commonly 
 called Jerusalem) Whaley, his brother John, all the 
 Beresfords, Lord Errol, Frederick Faulkner, &c., 
 were the prompters and supporters of the club, 
 which dwindled into nonentity when the war 
 afforded more honorable employment to its 
 members. 
 
 Amongst the staff of Lord Westmoreland at this 
 period was a fine young man, scarcely seventeen, 
 just then entering into life, whose subsequent ca- 
 reer fully confirmed the high expectations his 
 youth promised. This individual was the present 
 Lieutenant-General Sir Henry Fane, G. C. B., 
 then captain-lieutenant of the Royal Irish Dra- 
 goon Guards. He was the nephew and aide-de- 
 camp of the Lord Lieutenant : in person magni- 
 ficent for his age, and his face a picture of manly 
 beauty, he of course soon became a favorite with 
 ladies of Q. certain age, always the serious admirers of 
 such promising manhood. But not all the pleasures 
 the gay Irish court afforded had the power to
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 139 
 
 withdraw him from the duties of a profession to 
 which his talents, united to the most splendid 
 courage, have done honor. 
 
 When, after a lapse of fifteen years, I saw him at 
 Vimeiro, gallantly cheering on his brave brigade to 
 victory, ^' seeking the bubble reputation even at the 
 cannon's mouth/' joining the undaunted spirit of the 
 British Grenadier to the judgment of the British 
 General, memory brought before me the tall sUm 
 youth of 1793; and I dwelt with sensations of plea- 
 sure on the recollection, when at the close of that 
 glorious day I felt the kind pressure of his hand, and 
 beheld him attending to the necessities and wants 
 of the wounded and disabled of his renowned 
 '^ little brigade," kindly cheering those brave 
 fellows who under his gallant example had so 
 nobly sustained the honor of the British Arms.
 
 140 
 
 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 And every turf beneath their feet 
 Sliall be a soldier's sepulchre. 
 
 As the year 1793 advanced, the most active pre- 
 parations for w ar were on foot in every depart- 
 ment. A force of ten thousand men, selected from 
 the troops serving in the Irish establishment, v^^as 
 ordered to rendezvous at Cork, where a fleet of 
 transports had been for some time collecting to 
 convey them to the West Indies. 
 
 This force v^^as composed of six regiments of 
 infantry, (the 39th, 40th, 43rd, 58th, 64th, and 
 70th,) together w^ith the flank companies of all 
 the other regiments then serving in Ireland : a 
 finer body of men for their numbers was possibly 
 never assembled.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 141 
 
 The brigade of Grenadiers was placed under 
 the command of that gallant officer, Colonel Cra- 
 dock, (now General Lord Howden,) who resigned 
 his post of Quarter-Master General in Ireland to 
 embrace a command fraught with every dan- 
 ger. To his partner in peril, the late Colonel 
 Freemantle, the command of the light brigade 
 was entrusted. Three regiments of dismounted 
 cavalry, the 14th, 17th, and 18th Light Dragoons, 
 were at the same time embarked for this distant 
 service ; an unnecessary sacrifice, as subsequent 
 events but too painfully demonstrated. 
 
 To this scene of bustle I was invited by a 
 friend, who, without any previous experience of its 
 duties, undertook the office of temporary Commis- 
 sary-General to the troops ordered for embarka- 
 tion, which in fact implied no more than clerk 
 of delivery of stores and money ; but it was 
 like all other Irish affairs, a lucrative job ! To 
 this gentleman, who held a civil office in the 
 Ordnance department, I offered my services as 
 one of his assistants. 
 
 Arrived at the cove of Cork, in the autumn of 
 1793, I had an opportunity of observing the con- 
 fusion attendant on an extensive and ill-arranged
 
 142 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 embarkation of a large expeditionary force. To 
 add to it, a sudden order arrived to the Com- 
 mander-in-chief, to despatch, with all possible 
 haste, a brigade of heavy, and another of light 
 cavalry, to reinforce the army under the Duke of 
 York on the continent. The latter service was 
 performed in such a precipitate and incautious 
 manner, that nearly one-fifth of the horses were 
 either killed or disabled in the slings. 
 
 The loss would have been even more severe, 
 but for the always valuable services of the navy. 
 There were then at Cove a fifty-gun ship, the 
 Medusa, (guard-ship ;) the Magicienne frigate. 
 Captain Martin ; the Rose, Captain Riou, who, 
 having distinguished himself by his unparalleled 
 firmness and constancy under the most awful cir- 
 cumstances, when shut up in ice, in the Guardian 
 frigate, nobly fell in battle, many years after, in 
 the moment of victory ; sustaining to the last 
 moment of his life the honor of an unsullied 
 name, and the character of that noble service to 
 which he had ever been an ornament ; the Pearl, 
 Captain Drury ; the Sphynx, Captain Lucas ; 
 (the three latter were the convoy appointed for 
 the West Indies ;) with other vessels of war of in-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 143 
 
 ferior strength. There were also, under detention 
 or conditional capture, six large and valuable 
 Dutch East-Indiamen, which our cruisers had 
 picked up and detained on their way from Batavia 
 to Holland. 
 
 This embarkation, and the assemblage of so 
 many objects of attraction at the port of Cork, 
 drew together an immense influx of visitors to 
 that city and its vicinity. As the period of saihng 
 approached, the tozcns (which in those days were 
 paltry villages) of Passage and Cove became so 
 crowded, that three or four guineas per week were 
 demanded by the needy householders for the mi- 
 serable accommodation of a couple of rooms ; but 
 wretched as the accommodations were, they were 
 cheerfully endured by those, who for the last 
 time in life enjoyed the loved society of a 
 husband, parent, or brother, with whose smiles 
 they were destined never more to be cheered. It 
 is a melancholy fact, that not one- tenth of the 
 brave army then embarked for the West Indies 
 lived to wear the laurels their gallantry so nobly 
 won. 
 
 Island after island fell in rapid succession to 
 their conquering arms ; victory every where
 
 144 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 crowned the British banner; but dire disease 
 followed in her train, and swept off, with unspar- 
 ing hand, alike the conquerors and the con- 
 quered. 
 
 After a variety of blunders and delays, arising 
 chiefly from the ignorance of many of the work- 
 ing members of the civil and military departments 
 entrusted with the details of the embarkation, 
 the fleets were at length declared ready to sail on 
 their several destinations. 
 
 It must be recollected, however, that these were 
 the first days of war after a rusting ten years' peace ; 
 that ** war is no common art, "and that the embarka- 
 tion or landing of a large force, wath order and re- 
 gularity, is not one of the least of its difficulties. The 
 public departments w^ere then either in their infancy 
 or their dotage. There was a Minden mustermaster- 
 general, a Canadian commissary-general, a gallant 
 but untaught quarter-master-general, amongst 
 whose army of assistants few could be found with 
 ability to map a potatoe garden; juvenile artil- 
 lerists, who scarcely knew the muzzle from the 
 breech of a gun; artificers, who just knew *' a 
 hawk from a handsaw ;" and assistant adjutants- 
 general who had to depend on clerks and non-com-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 145 
 
 missioned officers for the accuracy of their miUtary 
 returns. The high state of efficiency to which all 
 the miUtary, and some few of the civil departments 
 of the united service has been brought, has been 
 dearly purchased ; but the materiel of the British 
 army and navy at present may be equalled, 
 but certainly not surpassed by that of any 
 nation in Europe. On the saihng of the fleets I 
 returned to Dublin, having received the thanks of 
 my friend for what he was pleased to term my 
 valuable assistance. 
 
 VOL. I.
 
 146 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Then — the soldier. 
 
 It was my great delight, at this period of my life, 
 to attend guard-mounting at the Castle-yard every 
 morning the weather permitted. My acquaintance 
 with many of the officers of the garrison gave me 
 the entree of the circle ; and by this constant 
 association with military men, my penchant for 
 the naval service gradually passed away. A new 
 desire was creeping on me, for the indulgence of 
 which I had not long to sigh. 
 
 Early in 1794 letters of service were granted 
 to several noblemen and gentlemen, and in less 
 than three weeks from the 1st of May the whole 
 of Ireland became covered with recruiting parties. 
 In addition to the new levies, the Royal Irish
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 147 
 
 Artillery was augmented to three battalions, 
 while second battalions were added to all the 
 regiments of the line then serving in Ireland. 
 With this sudden call on the population of the 
 countiy for a contribution of fifty thousand men, 
 it is astonishing in what a short space of time the 
 call was answered and the levies completed. 
 
 To the quality of the stuff much objection might 
 have been started ; but the standard as to age 
 and altitude was not (as regarded the regiments 
 of the line at least) in those days so rigidly severe 
 as in former times, nor the form and capacity of 
 the man, '^ mere mortal man ! food for powder/' too 
 scrupulously scanned. Amongst those to whom 
 letters of service had been granted. Colonel John 
 Doyle appeared one of the earliest in the field. 
 With all that tact and talent by which it has been 
 his good fortune through life to win and preserve 
 the favor of all to whom he became known, from 
 the prince to the peasant ; he headed his recruit- 
 ing party on its first public appearance, dressed 
 in the uniform of the hussars of the 
 
 " PRINCE OF WALES'S IRISH HEROES!" 
 
 He was a fine manly looking soldier, between 
 thirty and forty years of age, above the middle
 
 148 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 height, possessing a handsome hvely face, and an 
 eye Hke Mars. 
 
 In his first harangue to the populace he gave 
 that pledge, which at the end of six and thirty 
 years he can happily and proudly say he never 
 forfeited : — 
 
 *' My lads, here are the colours of our KING ! 
 here the emblem of our dear Country ;" (pointing 
 to the green flag, with the harp and crown which 
 waved beside the British colours.) ^' May they 
 be for ever united ! You know me too well to 
 believe I come to raise and sell ye ! No, my brave 
 Irish Heroes, you shall never be drafted, and 
 by the blessing of God, your Colonel, John 
 Doyle, will remain your Colonel to the last 
 moment of his life !" 
 
 It is a fact, that in one day he raised the 
 astonishing number of THREE-hundred able- 
 bodied recruits. 
 
 The Doyles are a highly talented family. Of 
 the various branches, (and they are numerous,) 
 I scarcely know one whose course of life has not 
 been eminently prosperous : if '^ conduct be fate," 
 their success affords the most ample proof of 
 honor and rectitude.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 149 
 
 General Sir John Doyle, Bart., Grand Cross of 
 the Bath, who still commands the heroes, (the 
 87th, or Irish fusileers,) and who may now be 
 called the head of the family, has said more witty 
 things and done more worthy actions, than it falls 
 to the lot of many men to boast of. With the 
 snows of nearly four-score winters on his brow, he 
 unites in himself a rare and delightful combina- 
 tion of talent ; blending the judgment of the sage 
 with the vivacity of youth ; the learning of the 
 scholar with the polished wit of the man of 
 fashion ; and the elegance of the courtier with the 
 sincerity of the friend. His military career com- 
 menced during the American war, as companion in 
 arms to that illustrious character, Lord Rawdon, 
 (late Marquess of Hastings,) who, to the latest 
 moment of his honorable life, preserved the most 
 devoted affection to the friend of his youth. So 
 great was the popularity of Colonel Doyle, that 
 he completed one battahon in the short space of a 
 month, and in less than three had the honor to 
 head it in the field of battle *. 
 
 Numbers of my acquaintance and school-fellows 
 had donned the scarlet jacket, and although the 
 
 • At Alost, in 179 1, where he received a sabre-wound.
 
 150 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 recollection of the trouble and mortification I had 
 given my good father on my former selection of 
 a profession, kept my tongue silent as regarded 
 my wishes, I took daily opportunities of showing 
 the interest I felt in the busy scene then passing. 
 I was held as an authority on every recruiting 
 party that appeared ; I could tell their colonel, 
 colours, dress, and distinctions, with all the accu- 
 racy of their own adjutants. 
 
 My father perceiving my growing partiality for 
 a military life, and being desirous of putting me 
 forward in the world, now that my eldest brother 
 was serving his clerkship to the law, and my 
 second at college, whilst I was acquiring, through 
 his indulgence, those habits of expence which 
 with his limited means and numerous family it 
 would have been criminal to encourage, he ac- 
 cordingly, one fine Sunday morning, sent for me to 
 his dressing-room, and put this question to me. 
 
 '' Oliver, should you like to enter the army, in 
 case I could procure a 'pair of colour^^ for you ?" 
 ** Sir, I should be delighted ; but after my ill 
 
 * One knows what a pair of breeches, a pair of tongs, or a pair 
 of bellows means ; but I never yet could ascertain the derivation of 
 that old-fashioned tenn» pair of colours, for one poor ens«igu!
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 151 
 
 luck with Lord Charles, and all your trouble on 
 that occasion, I feared to hint my wishes to 
 you before." — ^^ Well then," said he, with a 
 smile which inspired confidence, *' go to Captain 
 Atkinson to-morrow morning, and he will talk 
 to you on the subject; and, if I mistake not, 
 have something to say that will give you plea- 
 sure." 
 
 I went off to church in high spirits, but to my 
 shame I confess it, thinking more of Dundas's 
 eighteen movements than of the ten commandments. 
 
 Next day, by ten o'clock, I was at Wood Quay, 
 opposite to Moira House, watching with anxious 
 eyes for the approach of the worthy, witty Joseph 
 Atkinson and his dappled pony. While counting 
 the moments with impatience, the main-guard 
 passed me on its way from the royal barracks 
 to the Castle. The troop of the 7th dragoon 
 guards (or '^ black horse," as it was called) 
 never to my eye seemed so superb, nor Hef 
 Consadiuej who rode at its head, more conse- 
 quential. The band of the Pompadours never, to 
 my ear, played so pompously; even Brigadier-Major 
 Reed, who brought up the rear, and whose immense 
 belly appeared to turn the corner of Barrack-
 
 152 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 street five seconds before the rest of his portly 
 person hove in sight — even old Reed himself 
 seemed all grace and dignity.^ I involuntarily 
 followed the guard in regular pace, until I found 
 myself half-way to the Castle, when I recognised 
 honest Joe on his cob, with whose dimensions in 
 the girth he was at that period nearly equal. He 
 was jogging along, followed by a gang of little 
 blackguard boys, who, knowing his gregarious 
 propensities, hung upon his rear to dispute the 
 honour of holding his horse while he dismounted 
 to chat with my lord this or general that. The 
 captain was a courtier, but a kind one ; never 
 passing a great man without a bow, or a poor one 
 without a smile. At this time he was quite on 
 the qui vive canvassing for agencies, and as no 
 disengaged colonel could say ^' no ! " to such a 
 good-natured soul, he succeeded in obtaining a fair 
 
 * Major Reed had originally been a drummer ; having gradually 
 risen from the ranks to the command of a company, he retired 
 after the American war from the line, and purchased the post of 
 major of brigade to the Dublin garrison. Tliis FalstafFof the town 
 was of the most extraordinary dimensions, more particularly his 
 belly, which gave rise to the severe but witty observation of the 
 late Earl Carhampton, that the " man had certainly swallowed his 
 DRUM !'*
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 153 
 
 share of the new levies, notwithstanding the more 
 powerful influence of Armit and Borough, Fraser 
 and Reed, Messrs Ormisby, and Cane ; the first 
 of which firms, besides its extensive Scotch con- 
 nexions, possessed a strong hold of the Castle 
 interest ; and a hint from the secretary-at-war 
 was in most cases decisive to colonels in the 
 choice of their agent, when taking up their letters 
 of service. 
 
 I believe the great leviathan of Craig's Court 
 has to thank the recommendation (tantamount to 
 a command) of an illustrious individual now no 
 more for many a fat agency. Having said thus 
 much en passant , it would be unj ust not to add 
 that the liberality of this most respectable house 
 has ever been unbounded ; and many a gallant 
 officer who now figures in the highest ranks of 
 the military profession owed his timely promotion 
 to the generous aid afforded him ^^ in the very 
 nick o' time'^ by this truly munificent esta- 
 blishment. 
 
 It was no difficult thing to keep pace with the 
 pony of the warm-hearted Joe, but before we 
 reached his office he dismounted, in order to con- 
 verse with me with greater freedom. He expressed
 
 154 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 his hopes of obtaining an ensigncy for me without 
 purchase, through the interest of his friend Earl 
 Moira, whose brother, the Honourable Colonel 
 Rawdon, it was expected, would raise a regiment 
 of infantry ; but that at all events the commission 
 should not cost my father more than about half 
 the regulation. ^' In the meantime/' he added, 
 " you shall have a beating order, with letters of 
 introduction to Lord Moira's friends and tenantry 
 in the county of Meath, where the family name 
 and influence will no doubt promote your suc- 
 cess." These preliminaries arranged, I was intro- 
 duced into the office of Messrs. Atkinson and 
 Woodward, where honest old Humphrey Wood- 
 ward stared at me as some fresh importation of 
 his poetical partner's ; for Joe, in the midst of his 
 military business could scribble off odes, dedica- 
 tions, and sonnets on every subject, whether of 
 congratulation or condolence, from the birth of a 
 son and heir to the death of a favourite lap-dog. 
 
 As Humphrey Woodward (a Cocker redivivus) 
 was the man of figures, the courtier Joe (the 
 Chesterfield of the house) was the man of letters ; 
 and his occasional neglect of this portion of the 
 business, while wooing the muses, gave rise to
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 155 
 
 many friendly squabbles. The labours of the 
 day had just conunenced; Humphrey, with spec- 
 tacles apparently rivetted on a nose which seemed 
 to have been expressly formed by nature for their 
 reception, was hanging over a ponderous ledger, 
 with pen in mouth and pencil in hand, running 
 up a long column of figures ; when at the very 
 critical moment of arriving at the top line of his 
 task, he was suddenly interrupted by the inspired 
 Joe reciting aloud, but to himself, the first stanza 
 of a new song : 
 
 When Cupid first our bosom fires 
 And wins our youthful heart ! 
 
 " Pish ! d — d nonsense," (peevishly muttered 
 Humphrey, taking his pen from his mouth and 
 sticking it behind his ear,) *^ now I must go up the 
 whole of the column again. Why don't you write 
 to Lord Donoughmore ? his letter has remained 
 two days unanswered.'' 
 
 ^^ True, true, my dear fellow ! how the deuce 
 could I have forgotten it ! — Jemmy," (addressing 
 an ancient scribe in the office, who wrote officials 
 in the day, and copied madrigals in the evenmg,) 
 *' becrin a letter to Lord Donouo;hmore." 
 
 Joe A. (dictating)—'^ Dublm 10th May, 1794."
 
 156 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 Jemmy— (writing) — " Ninety-four/' 
 
 Joe—" My dear Lud." 
 
 Jemmy—" Lud'' (written Lord however). 
 
 Joe — " We have been honoured with your 
 Ludship's letter of the 6th." 
 
 Jemmy—" Sixth." 
 
 Joe A. — (scribbhng away most furiously, with- 
 out attending to Jemmy, who repeats " Sixth,'' — 
 no answer.) 
 
 Jemmy again, with emphasis — " let-ter-of-ihe 
 Sixth." 
 
 Joe A. — " Hem ! hem ! ' We have been honoured 
 with your Ludship's letter of the Sixth.' " 
 
 Jemmy — '* I have written it, Sir." 
 
 Joe A. — (soliloquizing) — 
 
 When Cupid first our bosom fires 
 And wins our youthful heart. 
 
 — our youthful heart" — (waving his pen over his 
 head, as if invoking the muses for a rhyme) — 
 " our youthful heart — heart — dart — part — smart" 
 — % * * * ! M" cried Humphrey, in a rage : 
 '* before Heaven, my dear Joe, you're fitter for 
 Bedlam than an office ; here's a week's business 
 in arrear, and your d — d poetry engrosses the 
 whole of your attention."
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 157 
 
 Joe—*' My d — d poetry ! ha ! ha ! ha ! well 
 Humphrey, my dear fellow, there's no disputing 
 against taste ; my d — d poetry ! — excellent !" 
 
 Humphrey — " ^o, my dear Joe, nor is there 
 any getting on in our business unless we attend 
 to it." 
 
 Joe to Jemmy — " Give young Mr. Moore all 
 the letters that are marked in the corner ; he can 
 make out my scrawl, and we'll soon get through 
 the arrears." 
 
 Thus was I set to work. Joe finished his stanza 
 and went over to Moira House ; Humphrey once 
 more attacked and soon subdued the formidable 
 column ; and by dint of the united labours of the 
 veteran scribe and myself nearly twenty letters 
 were (as the partners were pleased to say) '' neatly 
 and skilfully put out of hand " in the course of the 
 morning ; not one needing correction, more than 
 the insertion of the pounds, shillings, and pence, 
 for which due spaces were left, to be filled up by 
 the clockwork Humphrey, who never made a 
 mistake in his life but once — when, in a fit of ab- 
 straction, he found his way to the bedside of an 
 ancient virgin, who was a visitor at his country- 
 house, instead of his own ; and was only roused
 
 158 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 from his lethargy by a salutation he had not been 
 in the habit of receiving from his own good lady ; 
 a very amiable and 'pious woman, but who was 
 unfortunately so deaf that he generally announced 
 his approach to the connubial couch by bawling in 
 her ear — *' IVs only me, my dear I " 
 
 ** And who are you, ruffian ?" screamed the 
 affrighted Lucretia of the night ; inflicting at the 
 same moment one more seam on a face which 
 nature, in the bitterness of her freaks, had already 
 marked like corduroy. A short explanation re- 
 stored peace in the chamber : the lady slept se- 
 cure ; and Humphrey (who was the very essence 
 of chastity) repaired to his own bed, determined to 
 write a circumstantial account of the whole adven- 
 ture for his wife's information next morning ; for 
 as to a verbal report, he might as well attempt to 
 hold a conversation with the Hill of Howth. 
 
 This first specimen of my talents at the desk 
 had nearly rivetted me to it ; for every day for 
 the ensuing fortnight I was required to attend ; 
 and no sooner were the post letters opened and 
 read than they were passed over to " Moore," 
 with a few sentences written on the turned-up 
 corner by Captain A., whose scrawl was at times
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 159 
 
 illegible. However I contrived to give every day 
 additional satisfaction by my voluntary services ; 
 and the kind and hospitable Humphrey would 
 keep me to share his fish and beef, and drink his 
 excellent claret almost daily, rather than allow me 
 to walk three miles to my home. This comfort 
 was not without its drawbacks : in the evening I 
 was regaled with his usual concert in his stable, 
 (to which he was obliged to resort, lest an indict- 
 ment should be preferred against him for a nui- 
 sance,) where perching his rather elderly deaf wife 
 on a corn-bin, he slung his drum, the only instru- 
 ment whose sound could touch her tympanum, 
 and whistling some popular tune, beat away w4th 
 all the skill and with all the fierceness of visage of 
 a regular tambour-major. That noisy point of war, 
 '* The Grenadier's March," generally concluded 
 the concert, when the indulgent husband, un- 
 bracing at once his drum and the rigidity of his 
 features, led and sometimes carried his good wife 
 to the tea-parlour. 
 
 Humphrey was a man who held every moral 
 obligation in such profound respect, that he would 
 have died a martyr to his duty to heaven or man. 
 He was one of the ugliest men in Dublin, and
 
 160 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 would have been the ugliest, had not Gustavus 
 Nicholls^ lived and flourished in the full supre- 
 macy of his order. He possessed no great store 
 of w^orldly w^ealth, when this amiable woman, 
 highly respectable in family and fortune, bestowed 
 her hand upon him : he vowed to love and cherish 
 her, and if ever man kept that sacred vow with 
 religious strictness, honest Humphrey was that 
 rara avis! 
 
 * Captain Gustavus Nicholls, Town-Major of Dublin, com- 
 monly called *' De Gustibus!" admitted president of the Ugly 
 Club.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 161 
 
 CHAPTER XV, 
 
 Hark to the drum ! 
 It beats — come, come! 
 
 The 1st of June, 1794, arrived ; and the noon of 
 that day found me on my road to Manor Rawdon, 
 county of Meath, at the head of a respectable 
 recruiting party, bearing the colours of the Loyal 
 Leinster Volunteers, and the French grey of the 
 Rawdon family. I attended the venerable Coun- 
 tess Moira, early that morning, to receive my 
 letters of introduction ; and she kept me at her 
 knee for a full hour, giving me her kindest advice 
 for my conduct, and instructions for my proceed- 
 ings. " Beware," she said, *' of exposing your- 
 self or party amongst the haunts of the defenders^ 
 against whose hostiHty even the name of my be-
 
 162 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 loved son would not protect you." I shall never 
 forget the kind manner in w^hich she concluded 
 her speech. " My child, you are very young, 
 and I have thought it right to commit you to 
 the care of Mr. Robin O'Farrell, an old and faith- 
 ful servant of our house, to v^^hom this letter is 
 addressed. He is therein ordered to leave you 
 as little as possible by day and night. You must 
 take up your abode at the village inn : it is kept 
 by my son's tenant, a respectable widow, who will 
 shew you every kindness. You must listen to ad- 
 vice while there, for it is a wild country, and 
 these are troublesome times. Mr. Newnham and 
 his brother are the nearest magistrates, to whom 
 I have furnished you with letters. They are loyal 
 and good men, and love my dear son" (here her 
 eyes filled with tears) ''as he deserves to be 
 LOVED !" I was so affected by these proofs of 
 maternal affection, that I could scarcely retain 
 the di'op which stood trembling in my eyes. She 
 dismissed me with a most kind, yet dignified 
 farewell ; in which the grandeur of the ancient 
 Baroness gained a momentary ascendancy over 
 the amiable weakness of the most affectionate of 
 mothers !
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 163 
 
 Short as was the distance, (less than thirty 
 miles,) it was late in the night ere I reached my 
 recruiting quarters, where my arrival was greeted 
 by the obtruding heads (through the broken case- 
 ment of the inn door) of two gigantic dogs, 
 who barked out a horrid welcome. However, 
 Cromwell and Lion (the names of the canine 
 guardians of the hall) were soon called to order ; 
 and I had scarcely time to make good my billet 
 by hanging up my sword, &c., ere O'Farrell, the 
 faithful, made his appearance to welcome me with 
 all respect and duty. When he saw his honored 
 lady's hand-writing, tears of joy coursed each 
 other down his aged cheek, and he looked at it 
 again and again, each time pressing it to his 
 heart, and murmuring a blessing on the writer, ere 
 he opened it and read its contents. 
 
 The first lines were, 
 '* Robin O'Farrell, 
 
 '* This will be presented to you by Mr. Moore, a 
 young gentleman, who is to be an Ensign in my 
 son's regiment." 
 
 Robin instantly turned to me, and with an ob- 
 sequious bow, said, ** Captain, welcome to our 
 poor village !"
 
 164 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 *' You perceive, IMr. O'Farrell," I replied, 
 ** that I am as yet hardly an ensign." Pursuing 
 the course of the letter, he saw the duty with 
 which he stood charged ; and to assure me that 
 his fidelity and courage were not overrated, he 
 threw back the skirt of his George-the-Second-cut 
 coat, and displayed a buck-handled couteau-de- 
 chasse, half knife, half hanger, something like the 
 Turkish yatagan ; and touching the haft, said, 
 '* Captain, here's this which has made many a 
 defender and white boy fly !" This I afterwards 
 found was no vain boast. Words of mutual satis- 
 faction were exchanged, and very shortly suc- 
 ceeded by a spatch-cock* and a jorum of whiskey 
 punch, to the first of which my ready appetite 
 did ample justice; while old Robin joined me in 
 flowing bumpers to the health of his honored lady 
 and her idohzed son. 
 
 My sergeant, who, with the corporal, four pri- 
 vates, and my fifer, (we had no drum,) were re- 
 galing in the lower room or kitchen, was called in, 
 and in the due and erect position of a soldier 
 
 * Spatch-cock: a fowl, whose ap/jrf/tfwsiow, execution, and ulti- 
 mate dissection on table, seldom occupy above half an hour : in 
 
 fact, a " DISPATCHED COCK !'*
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 165 
 
 tossed oft' an overflowing tumbler to the " Health 
 ofihe Xoble Earl Moira /" Then, with a touch of 
 his hand to his forehead, retired to praise my 
 punch, and-^my condescension. 
 
 The alehouse of an insionificant Irish villao^e, 
 not exhibiting one good house, could hardly be 
 expected to abound in luxuries ; yet my portly 
 landlady, the widow Malone, could boast of one 
 bed fit for the noble loins of the lord of the manor 
 himself. Into this I was regularly inducted. The 
 sergeant and party had a well-secured out-house 
 entirely to themselves, in which they found " dry 
 
 lodcriua.'' 
 
 I slept soundly during the few hours of a mid- 
 summer night, and was up and fresh by six 
 o'clock. My attentive old guardian was at his 
 post by seven to take my orders for the day. 
 Amongst my party was an unfortunate debauched 
 hair-dresser from Dublin, who, full of drink and 
 distress, enlisted for a soldier. His name was 
 English ; but while with the party in Dublin, he had 
 gained the nickname of '^ Husho !'' For what rea- 
 son I never inquired ; but it was that by which he 
 was best known. On him I fixed as my orderly 
 and servant, and found him an excellent friz at
 
 166 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 least. The arrival of the baggage car afforded 
 me employment in unpacking my stationery, slop- 
 clothing, &c. ; after which I walked forth with 
 old O'Farrell. 
 
 The figure of this venerable man was quite a 
 study for an artist. At the age of seventy-six 
 he stood full six feet high, and as erect as a 
 poplar ; there was at once a blended dignity and 
 solemnity in his carriage, which inspired respect 
 at first sight. His dress was one entire suit of 
 bark-coloured brown ; the buttons of the coat 
 continued down the front to the very bottom 
 of the full and ample skirt ; the pocket flaps 
 ornamented with three buttons, as were the long 
 and low flaps of the lengthy waistcoat. In the 
 knees of his breeches were curious old silver 
 buckles, a corresponding pattern with the bright 
 and massive pair that shone in his high-quartered 
 shoes ; and at the button-hole of his breast hung 
 a small silver horn, the badge of his office, as 
 holding the perpetual deputation of the manors of 
 the Moira family in these parts. There was not a 
 single drawback to lessen my admiration of his 
 very striking face and figure: his limbs were 
 powerful and finely shaped ; his temperance and
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 167 
 
 habits of exercise had so preserved their strength 
 and elasticity, that this fine old man could walk 
 twenty Irish miles in five hours, with his gun on 
 his arm, over a broken country without fatigue 
 or halt. He was usually attended by two or three 
 brace of the best dogs in the country, which he 
 of course called his " dear lord's," and no man in 
 his district could vie with him as a shot. 
 
 The next morning I set apart for delivering 
 my letters of introduction. We accordingly set 
 out about midday for Tubbertinane, the seat of 
 the Messrs. Newnham. Our route lay over a 
 dreary bog extending as far as the eye could 
 reach, where it appeared bounded by the horizon. 
 After an uninteresting walk of a few miles, we 
 turned off to our right, and broke all at once 
 upon a house and grounds of comfortable appear- 
 ance, the residence of these gentlemen, who oc- 
 cupied a large tract of country chiefly their own ; 
 and exercised a feudal control over a numerous 
 and widely scattered tenantry. 
 
 They were at home to receive me, which they did 
 most cordially. To think of setting off before dinner 
 from the mansion of an Irish gentleman was one 
 of those impossible things, which those who value
 
 168 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 their brains would never attempt : so when the 
 question was put to me, *' ¥/hat time I wished to 
 dine ?" I answered ^' all hours are alike to me : 
 the night will be light, and having Mr. O'Farrell 
 with his dogs as an escort, I fear nothing." — 
 ** Spoke like a man, my tight young fellow," 
 (said the elder brother ;) '^ so after you have rested 
 yourself, we'll have a try for a hare while the 
 potatoes are boihng." Old Robin's celebrated 
 dog Fly, happening to be of our canine party, 
 was put in requisition, and with his aid, the 
 greyhounds of Messrs. Newnham afforded us 
 some dehghtful runs, and a leash of hares ; the 
 course lay over an uncut bog for several miles 
 extent, so open to the view that we never lost 
 sight of the dogs or hare one moment. I was 
 (like all other town-bred boys) nothing of a 
 sportsman; but I enjoyed the coursing with all 
 the ardour of youth. 
 
 Dinner hour having approached, a short ablution 
 and a rub at my boots enabled me to appear in the 
 dining-room with decency. My hosts were bache- 
 lors ; but I found an aged couple, named Knight, 
 at table, who seemed to be at home ; whether as 
 relations or visitors I was left to conjecture. They
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 169 
 
 were probably " poor relations/* a class disowned 
 and discouraged in the more highly civilized sister 
 country, but welcomed with open arms in this land 
 of mercy to misfortune ! We sat down to a most 
 excellent dinner ; trout of the finest quality ; mut- 
 ton of an age and delicacy of flavor that would 
 put to shame the shambles of Leadenhall ; with 
 poultry and other dainties to please the most fas- 
 tidious palates. The wines were suitable to the 
 other excellencies of the board ; and to crown my 
 enjoyments, I heard the elder Mr. Newnham from 
 time to time order the servant to take to the table 
 of Mr. O'Farrell the best of our own fare. The 
 good old man had been placed in an adjoining 
 room, where the household did their best to ren- 
 der him comfortable : his unassuming manners 
 and respectability of character disarmed even the 
 liveried class of envy'; they treated him with that 
 degree of kindness and cordial attention, which 
 is more than mere civihty. 
 
 At eleven o'clock one bright summer night I 
 took leave of the hospitable mansion of Tubber- 
 tinane, and set off' for my quarters, distant about 
 four Irish miles. Old Robin had marshalled his 
 dogs ; and in the course of our short journey tlie 
 
 VOL. I. H
 
 170 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 youth of seventeen had more than once to crave 
 the indulgence of the veteran of seventy-six for a 
 short halt and a slower pace. The sonorous cry- 
 ing of Cromwell and Lion, long before w^e came 
 in sight of our village inn, announced the near 
 termination of our midnight march. 
 
 'Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest hark 
 Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home. 
 
 At the door of the alehouse Robin gave me his 
 blessing, and respectfully took his leave ; and 
 another quarter of an hour, or less, found him 
 under the shelter of his peaceful cottage. 
 
 The widow Malone, who had one of the hand- 
 somest faces that ever remained to a woman 
 at forty years and eighteen-stone weight, was up 
 and stirring, and received me with a thousand kind 
 welcomes, not unmixed with expressions of sur- 
 prise at my perfect sobriety, after spending the 
 day with the Squires Newnham. I felt a strong 
 desire to imprint a kiss of kindness on her tempt- 
 ing lips, but feared to make the offer ; however, 
 when she tendered me a tumbler of whiskey- 
 punch, which she assured me she w^aited up to 
 give me, I could no longer resist. I drank her 
 health, accompanied with such a kiss as I flat-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 171 
 
 tered myself old Malone was never capable of 
 bestowing. The good humour with which she re- 
 ceived my boyish caresses encouraged me, and 
 every sip of my punch was enriched by a frequent 
 repetition of the gentle offence ; at length the 
 good landlady checked my youthful ardour by a 
 lecture, in the course of which she called me 
 '* child,'' and asked me *' what I could be thinking 
 of?" Now, to a forward boy who fancied himself 
 a man, no question could be more mortifying ; so 
 I took a hasty leave of my too seducing hostess, 
 looking I daresay very sheepish, and muttering 
 as I ascended the stairs, 
 
 O ! that this too, too, solid flesh would melt !
 
 172 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Who'll be a grenadier, my boys, who'll be a grenadier? 
 The listing money down is ten guineas, 
 And a crown to be spent in punch or beer. 
 
 RECRUITING. 
 
 Nearly a week was passed in making my ar- 
 rangements for the first beating-up in the county 
 town ; previously to which I felt it right to pay 
 my personal respects to the officer commanding 
 the regiment of militia then quartered there, as 
 well as to solicit the favor of drums and fifes for 
 the next martial day. 
 
 Nothing could be more kind than the reception 
 I met with from the Earl of Riverstoun, who hap- 
 pened at that time to be on his way to his seat on 
 the Shannon, and had indulged his corps with the 
 pleasure of his always dehghtful company for a
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 173 
 
 few days. I was received at the mess dinner with 
 true hospitaUty, and, on taking my leave, honored 
 with a geneml invitation to their well-conducted 
 table as an honorary member on my future visits ; 
 but received a particular and formal one for the 
 day next but one following, and which was to be a 
 grand gala. 
 
 The news of Earl Howe's victory over the 
 French fleet on the 1st of June had just arrived ; 
 and great preparations were in train for rendering 
 the rejoicings on the occasion as grand and im- 
 posing as the circumstances of the cantonment 
 admitted. On the day appointed I marched in at 
 the head of my party, dressed in all my best ; 
 my sergeant and his followers looking as clean 
 and warlike as pipe-clay and powder could make 
 them. 
 
 Sergeant Macnab was a fellow of very specious 
 appearance, and had just that kind of swagger, 
 which, in a recruiting sergeant alone, is not of- 
 fensive ; and could boast of powers of language 
 perfectly adapted to the ears of the groundlings. 
 His speech on the first halt at the market-cross 
 would be worth recording, had not the march of
 
 ]74 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 modern oratory trodden down the heels of mihtary 
 eloquence, and turned all its gold to dross. 
 
 We contrived, however, to pick up two recruits, 
 poor weavers — father and son ; the former thirty- 
 five, the latter but sixteen years old. Half-a-- 
 dozen younger were left at home with a helpless 
 mother. So much for Irish early marriages ! 
 The poor father assigned over the entire of the 
 bounty of himself and son for the use of the 
 wretched family — an excellent feeling ; which in- 
 duced me the more readily to accede to his request 
 for permission to pass his nights at home to the 
 last day of my stay in the county ; and also to 
 allow his boy to practise on the clarionet (in which 
 he was already a self-taught proficient) with the 
 band of the ^^**** militia ; an indulgence which 
 laid the foundation of the youth's prosperity ; for, 
 twelve years afterwards I saw him officiating as 
 master of the band of a regiment of English 
 militia. Besides my actual recruits, there were 
 sundry thirsty vagabonds w^ho begged leave to 
 wear the colours of the party, who strutted about, 
 swilling and cheering, but not one of whom would 
 touch the *^ king's shilling/' which my sergeant 
 most invitingly held out.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 175 
 
 Our dinner at the mess this day was splendid, 
 having been graced by the presence of the ladies 
 of all the married officers, as well as those of the 
 magistracy and gentry of the neighbourhood. 
 The feu-de-joie was fired at eight in the evening, 
 after which the illuminations commenced ; but 
 long before the great luminary of the day hid his 
 burning face behind the towering mountains of 
 Westmeath, as if indignant at this intrusion on his 
 realm of light. 
 
 The assembly room over the court-house was 
 opened for the ball at ten ; at which time were 
 mustered all the beauty and fashion of the 
 ^' three towns," Daylight found the joyous party 
 fresh for the merry dance ; and it was with re- 
 luctance they dispersed when the reveillee drum 
 of the little garrison gave signal of six o'clock ! 
 
 The amusements of the meriy night furnished 
 talk for a month, and invitations poured in on me 
 during the festive evening.
 
 176 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 There is a tide in the affairs of men. 
 
 I REACHED my quarters at seven, so jaded and 
 footworn, having danced all night in closely fitting 
 hussar boots, that I hurried to bed, and did not 
 leave it the whole of that day or night, except for 
 one hour to eat a late dinner. After such a long 
 repose I was ready for any exercise ; and accord- 
 ingly the following morning I set out with old 
 Robin to see the county, and learn from him the 
 history of the magnates of the land. After half- 
 an-hour's walk we halted before the dilapidated 
 gates of an old and well timbered park, which then 
 presented a wilderness of rank neglected pasture, 
 overrun with weeds. I inquired whose it was ;
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 177 
 
 when my old guide (planting his five-foot cane on 
 the ground, and placing on its silver-capped top 
 his broad hands, on the back of which he rested 
 his chin,) replied — *' Why then. Sir, that's Dangan 
 Park, the seat of the Earl of Mornington, which 
 I have known, man and boy, these sixty-five — ■ 
 aye, seventy years. Old Garret Wesley {God 
 be good to him!^) was always a kind gentleman j 
 and when we gossoons used to run to open the 
 gates for him, he would ask all our names, and 
 whether we went to school, and if we were 
 Romans\ov Protestants ; and then he would throw 
 ha'pence amongst us, and joke with us ; for, Sir, 
 he hadn't a morsel of pride about him. He died 
 when I was but a little boy ; but I remember him 
 well : he was a fine brave-looking gentleman, and 
 no better landlord in the two counties. After his 
 death his estate fell to Squire Colley, who came 
 to live at the Park, and took the name of Wesley. 
 He was created Lord Mornington the very year 
 I was married ; and my wife having been born on 
 
 * Prayers for the dead are not confined to Catholics alone in 
 Ireland : custom renders it familiar to Protestants, and it is as- 
 suredly not a blanieable weakness. 
 
 t The common designation for Catholic.
 
 178 THE STAFF OFFICEK ; 
 
 his estate, he gave us that bit of a garden which 
 joins the house that my father held under ould 
 Sir Arthur Rawdon, my dear lord's great grand- 
 father. 
 
 *' Well, Sir, Lord Mornington did not live above 
 ten or a dozen years after he became a peer ; 
 leaving an only son, who came of age a year or 
 two before the old Lord's death, to succeed him. 
 He was one of the most accomplished young 
 noblemen in the three kingdoms ; and there was 
 great rejoicing in the country, when, during the next 
 winter, he brought down to Dangan Park his new- 
 married lady, who belonged to a noble family in 
 the north. My Lord was made an earl the fol- 
 lowing year, and just lived to see his eldest son 
 reach his twenty-first year, and while great pre- 
 parations were making for celebrating his coming 
 of age, the good lord died j ust a month before, 
 leaving a fine family behind him under the care of 
 the best of mothers. 
 
 '^ Latterly Dangan Park has not been much 
 used as a residence. The young Earl* lives mostly 
 in England. Mr. Wilhamf is married, and in- 
 herits a fine estate in the Queen's County. When 
 
 * Marquis Wellesley. t Lord Maryborough.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 179 
 
 a youth, he was one of the best sportsmen in the 
 country : not a man in Ireland could beat him in 
 the field ; no day was too long, country too strong, 
 or hound too fleet for him:''^ he is a great man at 
 the Castle, I hear. Mr. Arthurf is now a colonel, 
 and serving with my dear lord in Flanders. He 
 was always a bold brave boy, and as proud as a 
 prince; but I have not laid eyes on him these 
 thirteen years. Mr. GarretJ is a clergyman, and 
 young Master Henry,§ poor dear gentleman, is, 
 I hear, a prisoner in France with his sister Lady 
 Anne." Having thus given me a brief sketch of a 
 family that are destined to occupy an important 
 page in British history, the good old man con- 
 cluded by the homely benediction — ** May the 
 Lord prosper them all ! '^ 
 
 On aniving at Ballintross, the seat of Mr. 
 #######^ Robin O'Farrell seemed much em- 
 barrassed, and evidently wished to draw me from 
 the place. When I approached the gates of tlie 
 
 * Tliis noble lord, some years since, accepted the mastership of 
 his Majesty's buck- hounds, con amore. 
 i Duke of Wellington. 
 t Dean Wellesley. 
 ^ Lord Cowley.
 
 180 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 lodge, he gently checked me, saymg, *' Well, 
 Captain, it's no use to conceal it any longer ; but 
 troth. Sir, the poor gentleman is not fit to be 
 seen/' This roused my curiosity : Robin con- 
 tinued — '^ He has been in a sad condition this 
 long time. You must know, Sir, he is what they 
 call a hypochondriac, and after a variety of 
 curious fancies and ailments, he took it into his 
 head nearly a quarter of a year agone, that he 
 was a pregnant woman ! To keep him quiet, 
 they got him female's clothes, which he now 
 wears ; and he has not stiiTed from his room ever 
 since, expecting the heavy hour to come on every 
 moment ! And would you believe it. Sir, he has 
 got the midwife in the house all this time. Lord 
 Almighty be good to us, and make us thankful ! " 
 fervently ejaculated the good old Robin. 
 
 I had heard of such delusions, but never was 
 before so near the victim of them. I had in my 
 pocket a letter of introduction to him from a 
 person to whom his calamity could not of course 
 have been known, and to whom I wrote an ac- 
 count of all I had heard. 
 
 This infatuated man, who was a person of some 
 consequence in his county, member of parhament,
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 181 
 
 and castle-hack, (as people termed the Tories of 
 that day,) shook oflP his malady some time after- 
 wards, and for a few years appeared in pubhc 
 hfe ; but a new species of insanity seized him in 
 1800: he fancied himself a lord, — longed for a 
 coronet, and betrayed his country to obtain the 
 bauble. By voting for the Union he gained the 
 peerage — but lost his honour ; he lived despised 
 and died unlamented, leaving no heir to inherit 
 his ill-earned but short-lived dignity. 
 
 The sight of the Earl of Bective's carriage with 
 his six pie-bald horses, which passed us on its 
 way to Kells, in which sate the old Earl, his 
 Countess, and eldest son (late Marquis of Head- 
 fort), drew forth from old Robin a short history of 
 that amiable and unobtrusive old nobleman ; in 
 which many traits of homely and old-fashioned 
 kindness were recorded. '* His Lordship, Sir," 
 said my humble friend, '* stopped at Squire 
 Rowley's last night • and there is a marriage going 
 on between Miss Rowley and the Earl's son, Mr. 
 Clotworthy ;* and surely. Sir, better blood could 
 never mix.'' In this way we got over a dozen 
 miles of ground ; and on my return towards my 
 
 • Late Lord LangforU.
 
 182 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 quarters, I gratified the old man by resting a 
 short time at his cabin, as he termed it, but which 
 was, in fact, as comfortable and cleanly a cottage 
 as the most romantic tourist could wish to meet 
 with. Screened from every blast by a surrounding 
 belt of small trees, the decent little mansion 
 seemed to repose on a bed of flowers \ its walls 
 were hardly visible, from the clusters of roses, 
 honeysuckles, and jessamine, which clung to them 
 on every side. In the porch, which had two 
 seats, sat his old woman at some needle-work ; 
 she was eight years younger than himself, hale 
 and hearty, and not a little pleased to find that 
 Robin had prevailed on the '* Captain" to come 
 to his cabin. A bowl of milk, with a drop of 
 whiskey *^ through it,'' was found a very grateful 
 beverage. I was ushered into the best room of 
 the four that composed the lower part of the 
 house, and saw clean chairs, a polished oak table, 
 a decent clock, '^ that click'd behind the door." 
 A japanned tea-tray was kept erect by a massive 
 well-bound bible, on the cover of which were the 
 Moira arms ; every thing, in fact, bespoke com- 
 fort, and bore the stamp of care and cleanliness. 
 They never had but one child, and in this secluded
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 183 
 
 spot they have lived the greater part of half a cen- 
 tury, '^ without (to use his own emphatic phrase) 
 a day's sickness or sorrow, excepting the year" — 
 (and here they exchanged looks inexpressibly 
 melancholy) " when our poor boy was taken away 
 to a better world." Over the chimney-piece of 
 the best parlour, which was, I understood, never 
 profaned on common days, was the print of the 
 '^ gallant Lord Rawdon," published in London in 
 1778, when his Lordship was serving in America. 
 He was drawn with a fusil in his left hand, and 
 pointing with his right to a body of the enemy in 
 the distance. Over the tea-tray hung a double 
 picture, poorly executed, of the busts of the old 
 Earl and Countess of Moira; under the moiety 
 occupied by the head of the latter there was a 
 long prayer or thanksgiving, signed '* Robin 
 O'Farrell," on which I glanced my eye, but could 
 not comprehend its exact purport. 
 
 The old man did not attempt to interrupt me in 
 the perusal of it ; but when he thought I had con- 
 cluded, he took my hand in both of his, and with 
 a pressure, (the force of which he, poor man, 
 could not be aware of, but which made me wince,) 
 exclaimed, *' O ! Sir, when you come to know that
 
 184 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 I owe not only all I possess in life, but that which 
 was dearer to me than life itself, to my dear and 
 honoured mistresSj you will then understand what 
 this humble thanksgiving means." I was struck 
 with an unusual feeling ; to excite curiosity in a 
 woman, or in youth of either sex, is to place them 
 on thorns until you satisfy it. The brief mile of 
 road homewards seemed but a quarter ; during 
 our walk I touched on all the subjects which I 
 thought might bring old Robin to explain his 
 mysterious expression, but he was wrapt in 
 thought, and silent. Yet although his story must 
 be known in the spot where for fifty years he had 
 '^ lived and thrived," I still felt it unworthy of 
 my respect for the good old man to hear it from 
 any lips but his own ; and an occasion not many 
 days afterwards presented itself, when Robin, 
 who seemed equally anxious to unfold as I to 
 hear, commenced his sad story. As he would 
 (maugre all remonstrances against the assumption 
 of a title which did not belong to me) pertina- 
 ciously insist on giving me the brevet rank of 
 Captain, I must for the sake of truth give my 
 readers the old man's words.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 185 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 God ! it is my only son ! — 
 
 Ah ! boy, if any life be left in thee, 
 
 Throw up thine eyes ; see, see what showers arise, 
 
 Blown with the windy tempest of my heart 
 
 Upon thy wound. 
 
 *' Well, Captain, as I was saying the other day, 
 when you come to know that I owe my only 
 child's salvation from a public and ignominious 
 death to my beloved and honoured mistress, the 
 Countess of Moira and Baroness Hastings,"* 
 (proudly added Robin, drawing himself up,) " you 
 will not wonder that every vein of my poor old 
 heart swells with gratitude to her and the Al- 
 mighty." 
 
 • The ancient title, coeval with the Conquest, had been some 
 years before claimed by and acceded to the Countess by a decision 
 of the House of Peers.
 
 186 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 '* Gracious God ! Robin, what do you tell 
 me !" exclaimed I, in breathless impatience, " an 
 ignominious death !" 
 
 " Yes indeed, Captain, an ignominious death ! 
 but, oh ! my God ! " (cried the old man, dropping 
 on his knees, and turning his face towards heaven) 
 "you know an unjust one I" Respect for his 
 feelings and admiration at his piety kept me 
 silent. After a short pause he rose, and retiring 
 to the shelter of a spreading elm, he resumed. 
 
 " We had a son;" (here his tears flowed fast.) 
 " When scarcely twenty years of age, my father 
 (who was head game-keeper to the old lord) sent 
 him for a gun to Navan, where it had been for 
 repair. Upon his return, on a fine moonlight 
 night, he had reached the four roads at Holy 
 Cross, when what did he see but a large party of 
 men disguised with their shirts over their coats, 
 and with their faces smeared with bog-water. 
 He was in the very middle of them before he knew 
 where he was ; but wheeling quickly about, he 
 ran two or three perches from them, and then de- 
 manded, in the name of God, who and what 
 they were ? He got no answer ; but heard one of 
 the party say, ' That's young Robin, the old
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 187 
 
 game-keeper's grandson — do^vn him !' The 
 voice he knew to be that of one Flaherty, a 
 smith. (God forgive him!) ^^ So, Sir, half-a- 
 dozen of them sprung out from the rest to seize 
 him ; but being young, and ready to jump over 
 the moon, the boy, I'll be bound, Sir, soon gave 
 them leg-bail. However, they were even with 
 liim ; for before he could cut across the fields to 
 reach the bohereen that he ran for, (knowing as 
 he did every inch of the country,) others of the 
 party were at the gap waiting for him; so he 
 thought he'd just give them a wide shot, and 
 have another run for it; but just as he presented 
 his piece high enough to fire over the hedge with- 
 out doing any body harm, he was struck by a 
 stone right in the centre of his face, which laid 
 him senseless on the sod. O ! it would have been 
 a mercy they had then put an end to him ; but 
 God's will be done ! The villains, as he supposed, 
 then deprived him of his gun, and took him off 
 with them on horseback for more than seven long 
 miles, until they arrived near the house of Jemmy 
 Fox, a snug farmer, who lived to the nor'ard 
 of the Red Bog yonder. When they approached 
 nigher to Fox's, the party halted and talked toge-
 
 188 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 ther. The poor boy could hear but little ; but the 
 leader of the ruffians said aloud, ' I wouldn't like 
 to hurt the old man ; but if we can't get her off 
 without it, the devil a one of them must be 
 spared, boys !' So up to the house they went, 
 some at the front and others behind ; while some 
 others waited with a horse and pillion at the 
 punion* end of the house, out of harm's way. 
 Those who attacked the back part got in first 
 through the dairy, and after a scuffle -inside let 
 the others in. Then, Sir, what shrieks, and oaths, 
 and curses ! My poor boy had recovered himself 
 sufficiently to stand, but with difficulty ; and was 
 leaning on against the gable, his face still stream- 
 ing with blood, when out comes two of the villains 
 with Jemmy Fox's daughter in their arms ; and 
 hurrying her on the pillion, where a man with a 
 handkerchief partly over his face was already 
 sitting, tied the poor creature's legs with asoogaun, 
 and putting another round her waist and that of 
 her foreman,t off they were hurrying through the 
 yard, when who should come out unfortunately to 
 meet his death but old Jemmy himself. ' Take 
 
 * Gable end. 
 
 t The expression for the rider before.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 189 
 
 all I have, you villains V says he, ' but leave me 
 my child !' With that, Sir, one of the tallest of 
 tlie party seized him by the throat, and held him 
 back, while away the robber of his child gallopped 
 out of the yard. The old man now made one 
 desperate plunge, and got free for a moment; when 
 seizing a log of bogwood,* (the first thing that 
 came to hand,) he struck the tall -villain such a 
 blow as laid open his forehead. The instant after 
 a shot was fired, and the old man lay stretched ! 
 whether by the hand of the tall fellow, or by 
 Flaherty the smith, who was next him, He alone 
 knows who knows all things ! Well, Captain, 
 while this scene of bloodshed was going on, there 
 was my poor boy Robin ready to faint, and heart- 
 broken that he could render no assistance. The 
 servants of the house had all fled when the house 
 was forced, or they had hid themselves ; but as 
 soon as the villains disappeared, sure enough 
 there was a dozen to the fore, men and women. 
 Their old master was not dead, though he seemed 
 not to have an hour to live. One of the gossoons 
 saw my poor son, weak and bleeding, leaning 
 
 • Thebe are generally piled in small pieces, as firewood, in 
 stacks.
 
 190 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 against the house wall. To seize and secure him 
 was only a child's work, for he was ready to drop ; 
 and was deprived of his shot-bag and horn with- 
 out resistance. His gun was discovered near the 
 immediate scene of the murder. He was then 
 dragged into the house where poor Jemmy lay 
 extended, with a horrid wound in his neck just 
 above the shoulder, from which streams of blood 
 flowed. My darling boy said a few words with a 
 view to explain how he became present at this 
 dreadful scene, when the dying man opened his 
 eyes, and fixing them on him with a horrid glare, 
 exclaimed, * That's the villain ! — / marked him ! — 
 Look at his face! My blood and my child's blood 
 he upon him ! ' At these words the boy fainted 
 with weakness and horror, and remained for seve- 
 ral hours in a state of insensibility ; but when his 
 senses returned, the sun was high and the house 
 full of people. The soldiers from Trim had been 
 brought across the bog, and two of them were now 
 guarding my unfortunate son. The magistrate 
 had taken old Jemmy's dying declaration, and 
 the priest had about two hours before delivered 
 him into the hands of his Maker, "^ All that Robin 
 * Administered extreme unction.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 191 
 
 could hear about himself was, that old Jemmy to 
 his last moments declared by words and signs 
 that he was the man who shot him ! The wound 
 in his face was washed with spirits, and a bandage 
 put over it, which, with the swelhng, completely 
 blinded him. In this state he was in the course 
 of the morning placed on a car, and, pinioned as a 
 felon, conveyed to Trim jail ; and the first news my 
 poor father and myself heard of our darhng Robin 
 in the village, was, that he was sent to the county 
 jail in irons as a murderer ! It was God's mercy 
 I did not then sink under the shock. With a sor- 
 rowful heart we both set out for Trim, and by 
 great favor got to see him with the surgeon, who 
 had been sent for to dress his wounds. He could 
 not see his poor father ; but as I pressed him to 
 my afflicted heart, I felt his scalding tears as they 
 fell on my cheek. All he could say was, ^Father, 
 I am innocent ! — God in his own good time will 
 prove me so !' And my melancholy answer, * 1 
 hope so, Robin !' seemed to strike deep into his 
 soul, as betraying a doubt ; but I comforted him 
 by saying, * I believe you, my son!' — * I am, 
 father, I am innocent!' was all his fevered 
 tongue could utter. And when the turnkey was
 
 192 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 taking my poor broken-hearted father and myself 
 away, I cast one look more on my child, and then 
 fell senseless into his arms. 
 
 '* In a few days the Government proclamation 
 appeared, offering a reward of one hundred pounds 
 for the apprehension of the leader of the party, 
 and a free pardon to any accomplice but the ac- 
 tual murderer, who would discover the name of the 
 offender. Before a week had passed, we heard 
 that one of the wretches had appeared in Dublin, 
 and turned king's evidence. I was childish enough 
 to hope that my son's release would soon follow ; 
 but, Sir, how shall I describe my horror and 
 despair when I found that this informer was no 
 other than Flaherty the smith, (my old enemy !) 
 who had been obhged to fly the country some 
 months before for robbing and poaching on my 
 lord's estates; and that in his deposition before 
 the council, he gave nearly the same account as 
 old James Fox, swearing that my poor boy alone 
 was the man who fired the shot. The wretch was 
 escorted down to Trim to await the trial at the 
 ensuing assizes. 
 
 '' There were many who heard all the circum- 
 stances of this mysterious case, who entertained no
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 193 
 
 doubts of my child's guilt ; but all our neighbours 
 who knew him from childhood believed him inno- 
 cent, and sympathised with his poor parents. 
 
 " In little more than three weeks the assizes were 
 to come on. His wound being now partly healed, 
 and his sight restored, I sent him his bible ; pens 
 and paper were allowed him, and he wrote a 
 whole account of his case in a petition to our good 
 old lord, which I took to Dublin myself. My 
 father constantly attending my poor boy in Trim 
 jail ; his lordship promised to send down two of 
 the first counsellors from DuWin to defend our 
 dear Robin at the assizes, and my honored lady 
 assured me that no expense should be spared to 
 find out the real criminal ! Well, Sir, back I came 
 to the poor creature you saw the other day, and 
 when she asked me what hopes of her poor child, 
 all I could say was, to repeat what my good lord 
 and dear honored lady had told me, and bid her 
 put her trust in the great God ! 
 
 ^^ Ah ! Sir, time flies with the man in affliction ! 
 The assizes soon came on, and the villain Flaherty 
 persisted in his story, adding that young Brennan, 
 a lad from the Queen's County, who was the man 
 that ran away with Betty Fox, had never been 
 
 VOL. I. I
 
 194 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 heard of in that country since. The evidence of 
 this wretch unfortunately prevailed, and weighed 
 against my poor boy's innocent plain-told story : 
 the gun, acknowledged to be ours, just dis- 
 charged, was found on the spot ; the shot with 
 which the poor man received his death-wound 
 corresponding with that remaining in the belt ; 
 the wound inflicted by the old man in his last 
 struggle for life on the face of the tall murderer, 
 and his dying declaration — all conspired to fix the 
 crime on him ; and amidst the shrieks of his dis- 
 tracted relatives, and the tears of the crowded 
 court, my fine, my gallant boy, alone heard the 
 dreadful sentence unmoved ! With clasped hands 
 and uplifted and tearless eyes, he appeared to 
 look on the face of his merciful God with hope 
 and confidence ! Sir, there was not a dry eye in 
 the court, but that of the perjured wretch who 
 swore away my poor boy's life ! 
 
 *' The time for preparation for his awful change 
 was short ; but to him it seemed too long. The 
 minister =^ was constantly with him, and declared 
 he never met a more virtuous minded youth. 
 When the earl heard of my poor boy's condemna- 
 
 * Clergyman, in contradistinction to the priest.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 195 
 
 tion, he used all his interest to procure a respite 
 for a few days ; but the judge's report was so 
 strongly against the probability of the boy's inno- 
 cence, that this favor was at first denied. But 
 my dear lady, who never for a moment doubted it, 
 immediately hurried to the hady Lieutenants^ and 
 by dint of tears and intreaties prevailed on her to 
 obtain from his excellency the respite of one week ; 
 and this she saw sent instantly off to the sheriff 
 by express. In the mean time that blessed lady 
 had notices posted throughout the King's and 
 Queen's County, Kildare, Meath, and West- 
 meath, offering two hundred guineas reward, from 
 herself, to any of the men concerned in the murder 
 and outrage at Fox's, who would come forward 
 and declare the whole truth ! When this was 
 made known in Trim, and talked of in the jail, 
 Flaherty (who was allowed the run of the prison- 
 yard) was detected in an attempt to escape ; and, 
 in consequence, he was closely confined and 
 double-bolted. Suspicions against him having 
 thus arisen, my poor boy's respite was extended 
 to fourteen days. When that time expired, every 
 
 • So tlie Lord Lieutenant's c.nsort is termed, hy the middling 
 and lower clashes in Ireland.
 
 196 
 
 preparation was made for his execution ; and the 
 eve of that awful day arrived which we thought 
 was to snatch our innocent and murdered son 
 from our arms for ever. But God was good to us 
 in the eleventh hour ! It having been reported in 
 the jail that young Brennan was apprehended 
 and had confessed all, Flaherty was taken in 
 strong fits, which never left him until death 
 closed his miserable eyes. In his ravings he often 
 accused himself of murder ! He asked if poor 
 innocent Robin had yet suffered; but appeared 
 insensible to the consolation which the answer 
 would have conveyed. He expired about day-light 
 in the morning of the 10th of August, 1767 ; that 
 day so often referred to in the poor thanksgiving 
 you read. Sir, when the Lord stretched forth his 
 hand in mercy to the lowly and humble ! 
 
 '* The execution was again deferred by orders 
 from the Castle. It was not young Brennan that 
 had been apprehended, but his only brother; who, 
 having been examined by the Privy Council, 
 clearly proved my dear child's innocence, and ex- 
 plained, as he himself had done in his petition, 
 how he became one of the murderous party. 
 
 ^^ It was my ever honored lady's proclamations
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 197 
 
 that had wrought this miracle in our favor ; and 
 (Heaven guard and preserve her!) to render the 
 blessing more valuable to us, she came down 
 to the jail in her own coach-and-four, post-haste 
 from Dublin, with the Lord Lieutenant's free par- 
 don in her hand ! 
 
 " But, O ! Captain dear," said the old man, 
 clasping my hand, while a flood of tears gushed 
 from his eyes, " it was not horses that drew her 
 back again! No, Sir! there was not a man, 
 WOMAN, or CHILD, withiii ten miles, able to 
 move, but rushed out of their cabins to lend their 
 help to draw her in triumph through the county ; 
 and that blessed day will never be forgotten ! 
 
 ^' My poor boy was carried in a chair through 
 Trim and all the neighbouring villages, and 
 amidst the blessings of our friends, to our once 
 more happy home. On the next Sunday he ap- 
 peared at Manor Rawdon church, where the good 
 Mr. Eliot blessed him from the pulpit, and in 
 which every tongue joined. We then. Sir, went 
 to the chapel, where the priest, who was one of 
 the best of men, called him up to the altar ; and 
 after a long and affectionate exhortation to his
 
 198 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 flock, he pronounced the blessmg of God and 
 the Saviour upon him, in which upwards of a 
 thousand sincere hearts and voices joined ! He 
 then sprinkled holy water upon his face and head, 
 which my dear boy received with respect and 
 humility, though he was the member of another 
 church. 
 
 *' We again thought of seeing happy days ; but 
 these, Sir, were gone for ever ! Without any vi- 
 sible illness, he day by day wasted ; his handsome 
 face was disfigured for ever ; his tall and manly 
 form was in a few months reduced to a poor ske- 
 leton. With his bible under his arm, he would 
 every day, when fine weather permitted, walk to 
 the church-yard of Manor Rawdon ; and there. 
 Sir, he would sit for hours wrapped in devotion. 
 Not one hard word ever passed his lips towards 
 mortal man for the ten months which God spared 
 him to us after his melancholy trial; and the 
 only smile that ever played on his lips during this 
 sad and heavy time, was at that moment in which 
 he surrendered up his spotless soul into the hands 
 of his Creator ! * But God giveth and God taketh 
 away : blessed be his holy name !' My son was
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 199 
 
 innocent !" A short mental prayer and a copious 
 flow of teai-s restored the venerable old man (now 
 rendered doubly respectable in my eyes) to some 
 degree of composure. ** And now, Sir," said he, 
 '* ought I not, by day and by night, in the hovel 
 or in the wilderness, in sickness, in health, in 
 comfort, or in misery, invoke the choicest blessings 
 of heaven on that angel woman who saved us !" 
 
 I was young and gay, and light of heart ; but 
 that heart was one of feeling. Poor Robin's 
 story, on which I bestowed the tribute of my 
 tears, threw a cloud of melancholy over me, which 
 another excellent night's rest did not entirely re- 
 move. When he appeared in my room the next 
 morning, instead of my usual formality, I took 
 liim kindly by the hand with both of mine, and 
 told him, in the language of truth, how much he 
 had increased my esteem, by the confidence he 
 had reposed in me, by venturing to rip up those 
 wounds in his heart, which time and his own re- 
 hgious feehngs would, I hope, heal. Nothing could 
 exceed the old man's gratitude to me : he had 
 never made the shghtest approach to familiarity. 
 My conduct to him was always kind, attentive,
 
 200 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 and respectful ; even more so than it would have 
 been to one above him in the scale of worldly 
 honors. Superior to him in every moral virtue 
 and good feeling it was impossible to be.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 201 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 And let the aspiring youth beware of love ; 
 Of the smooth glance beware ; for 'tis too late 
 When on his heart tlie torrent softness pours. 
 Then wisdom prostrate lies 
 
 After breakfast I paraded my party, and found 
 that we could muster thirteen goodly recruits. I 
 ii'ave orders for a march to Longville with eleven 
 of the number, leaving my first recruit, Butler, to 
 remain with his family to the last moment, and 
 his son to make progress with his instrument 
 until my return, which I calculated on being able 
 to accomplish in six days. 
 
 The next morning at an- early hour, with my 
 sergeant, corporal, three privates, (including 
 " Husho,") my fifer, and my eleven merry men, I 
 set out for the head-quarters of the Loyal Leinster 
 Volunteers. I had to pass near a small town a few
 
 202 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 miles distant from my quarters, where a gentle- 
 man resided from whom I had received a very 
 kind invitation on the night of the gala. I 
 determined to make a little detour in order to pay 
 my promised visit. My party reached the top of 
 the road which branches off to that town, between 
 eleven and twelve o'clock. The day was lovely : 
 a fine breeze cooled the air, which in the early 
 part of the morning was sultry ; and I felt myself 
 as proud as any colonel, when riding at the head 
 of my puny band. My steed was a trust- worthy 
 mare of honest Robin's, which he kept more for 
 the old woma}i's use than for his own, and fed the 
 poor animal for services past more than for any in 
 expectancy. On this staid nag T gently paced at 
 the rate of about two and a half miles an hour. 
 
 Striking off from the high road, twenty minutes 
 brought us in front of the Nag's Head at Temple- 
 more. Here I ordered refreshment for the party ; 
 a feed of oats for Robin's Rosinante ; and here too 
 (oh, vanity !) " Mr. Husho," my temporary valet, 
 gave a touch and a puff to my moistened hair, 
 and delivered from his knapsack a lawn handker- 
 chief, spick and span, as white as snow, and as 
 redolent of sweets as Smyth's or Bayly's counters.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 203 
 
 Thus self-satisfied, I set out for the house of Mr. 
 Temple. 
 
 The landlord of the Nag's Head had already in- 
 formed me that the family consisted of the old 
 gentleman, who was an attorney and land-agent, 
 a man of no small consequence to the absentee 
 peeress who owned the town ; his daughter and 
 housekeeper. Miss Maria Temple ; his only son, 
 Mr. Tom Temple, (who was bed-ridden half his 
 time ;) and the wife of the latter, who also stood in 
 the relationship to him of cousin, and by his union 
 with whom he got a few thousand pounds fortune. 
 
 The house of Mr. Temple was a large stone- 
 building of imposing appearance. The approach 
 to the hall door by a flight of steps of no 
 small width, gave an air of some consequence to 
 the mansion of this man of the law. Besides this 
 house there were a few decent and comfortable- 
 looking dwellings in view ; but none of that class 
 called a ** Gentleman's mansion," a term often ap- 
 plied to the houses of those who live by the labour 
 of others ; setting up for themselves with no other 
 stock in trade than an ancient name, an encum- 
 bered estate, and a servile tenantry ; and who 
 (to use the common phrase of the country) are
 
 204 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 pulling the devil hy the tail all their lives without 
 being able to stop him ! — in other words, involving 
 themselves in fresh embarrassments and difficulties 
 from day to day, in order to keep up the appear- 
 ance of that independence, which they can never, 
 from their indolence, pride, and improvidence, 
 reasonably hope to attain. 
 
 On ascending the steps I seized the massive 
 knocker, and sounded an alarum which made the 
 silent town and the piazza of its empty market- 
 house echo back the thundering peal. After 
 a long pause, during which many neighbours' 
 heads were popped out, and which afforded time, 
 as I presume, to the man-servant (who had been 
 busy in the garden) to put on a coat, I was 
 admitted, and ushered into a capacious double 
 parlor ; in which every thing bore the marks of 
 wealth and good arrangement. 
 
 Nothing could be more delightful than the pro- 
 fusion of exquisite flowers, tastefully distributed 
 in vases of the olden time, of Nankin China and co- 
 loured glass; while on the black and highly polished 
 marble chimney-piece, Chinese mandarins nodded 
 their bald heads, and pearly sea-shells glistened 
 on their opaque shelf. This, thought I, is the
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 205 
 
 arrangement of some person of taste. The ser- 
 vant had not waited for my card or name, but 
 depending on his powers of description, (for he 
 had seen me at the county-town ball,) made the 
 visitor as well known as if my name had been 
 bawled from *^ hall to stair-head," and from 
 thence to the drawing-room. I was not left long- 
 to my meditations, for in one minute a figure 
 glided into the room, which might have been 
 mistaken for an angel, had not her rich vermillion 
 lips most kindly welcomed me to Templemore^ 
 and apologized for her father's absence for a few 
 minutes. Never did I before or since behold 
 such loveliness : her skin was like the purest 
 ivory, as clear, transparent, and as colourless. 
 '' Oh! call it fair— not pale!" Her soft black 
 eyes derived additional lustre from the long and 
 silken lashes which encircled them ; her eye- 
 brows, delicate, as they were exquisitely arched, 
 seemed more the work of art than nature ; and 
 the lovely Grecian cast of countenance altogether 
 formed a model of feminine beauty and softness. 
 
 My burning blushes (to which I was then most 
 painfully subject) were but faintly, if at all, 
 reflected by her lily cheek ; but hers was not
 
 206 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 the paleness of sickness, nor the languor of dissi- 
 pation. Her countenance beamed cheerfulness ; 
 her voice was harmony itself : in short she seemed 
 the creature of other climes, the lovely vision of 
 the imagination, which almost defies realization in 
 the mortal form. I could scarcely articulate a 
 word in return to her kind and warm welcome : 
 she seemed to suffer at my embarrassment, yet 
 delicately forbore to remark my reserve : at length 
 I summoned courage to speak, and, my timidity 
 once conquered, I said perhaps too much. The 
 father entered just as I had paid her what I 
 considered the neatest and most appropriate com- 
 pliment a young and beautiful woman could re- 
 ceive. He welcomed me with great cordiality 
 and kindness ; but without introducing to me by 
 name the gentle being who stood by his side, 
 he said, ^* Maria, my love, go tell your sister 
 that the * young captain's ' here ; and you must 
 relieve her, to sit half an hour with Tom." My 
 angel disappeared, while my fixed and doating 
 eye followed her steps to the threshold of the 
 door, and then sunk to the floor. ^' Captain, 
 young as you are, you have an eye for a pretty 
 woman I see ! Well, I like you th'e better for it ;
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 207 
 
 no bad man ever had your fashion, as the saying- 
 is." This remark, uttered by the lawyer with a 
 laugh of good humour, roused me from my reverie, 
 and called up another crimson confession to my 
 face. I rephed, *^ It is not often, Sir, that one be- 
 holds such beauty ; and I may be pardoned if I 
 lingered on the look as long as possible." — 
 " That's a fine fellow !" said he : "just as they 
 told me at Trim you were ; but let us take a 
 turn in the garden, and by that time another 
 lady will be down to shake hands with you." 
 Throwing up the large sash, he led the way 
 down a noble flight of steps into an extensive 
 and luxuriant garden, at the bottom of which 
 the pellucid Boyne bubbled over its silvery bed, 
 overhung by a low w^all, built of the same massive 
 grey-stone as the mansion. In one corner was 
 a fishing-house, which even in the worst weather 
 afforded a most comfortable shelter ; but in the 
 meridian sun of a burning June it offered a 
 tempting shade. 
 
 While admiring every thing I saw, a loud ring 
 of the hall bell caused my host to apologize for 
 a short absence, saying it was a client on busi- 
 ness, which would soon be dispatched. " You
 
 208 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 see, Captain, I make no stranger of you ; but you 
 will soon have a more entertaining companion to 
 chat to." I bowed, and resumed my seat, stretch- 
 ing myself on one of the ample cane couches of 
 this piscatorial temple. I inhaled the balmy air, 
 which breathed a thousand sweets, but was 
 roused from my reverie at hearing some words 
 and laughing. I thought of the lovely Miss 
 Temple, and heard these words, *' Nonsense — 
 there he is — introduce yourself to him ; and mind, 
 dear, don't let him think of going further to 
 night. I shall be disengaged in half an hour." 
 A lady now approached me, whose rich and ap- 
 parently constant bloom threw my more temporary 
 flushes in the shade. She had evidently been 
 sacrificing to the graces, for every article from 
 head to foot seemed freshly though hastily put 
 on. This then, thought I, is ^^ Mr. Tom's" wife ! 
 the bed-ridden Tom ! Poor woman ! what a blank 
 i/ou have drawn in the lottery of life. 
 
 With the genuine good humour of the Irish 
 gentlewoman, and with no small portion of grace 
 she tendered me her hand. A mode of salutation, 
 as involuntary as unexpected, was repaid in an 
 instant by my putting it to my lips : the lady stared.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 209 
 
 but not in anger. Now for the life of me I could 
 hardly touch the hand or raise my eyes to the 
 face of her angelic predecessor ; and when I did, 
 I trembled hke the poplar leaf ; to what then could 
 my present boldness be imputed ? To her bouncing, 
 good-tempered, and somewhat matronly appear- 
 ance ? I suppose it was so ; and there let it rest. 
 In ten minutes we were as intimate as if we had 
 known each other for years : she seemed delighted 
 with me and all my conversational nonsense, and 
 more than once expressed her regret that she had 
 not been at the ball. '* But poor Tom Temple's 
 illness keeps us all prisoners, except the good man 
 of the house J who, I must tell you, has taken a great 
 fancy to you, and desired me to keep you under lock 
 and key rather than risk our losing your company 
 to-day. Your men will be safe enough at the Nag's 
 Head, and you can march to-morrow after break- 
 fast." I knew not what to say : she paused — I 
 was confused. *^ Won't you promise me to 
 stay?" said the fair one, approaching within lip 
 distance, and pouring on me a breath as sweet as 
 honeysuckle. The opportunity was irresistible — 
 c'est un peu forte. What will all this come to ?
 
 210 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 The thirsty traveller of the desert, when blessed 
 with the taste of the refreshing waters, first 
 cautiously sips, then gorges in the cooling 
 draught ; so he who has long lived on the plea- 
 sures of imagination, revels in the rich reality 
 when happy chance invites. My fair one was a 
 fine stout young woman about thirty ; and as I 
 thought of her bed-rid spouse, *' Poor Tom's 
 a cold r 
 
 She would be deemed decidedly handsome in 
 the eyes of the lovers of plumpness. Her limbs 
 were faultless, her shape exquisite, and her finely 
 tapered waist showed with striking effect the 
 jutting beauties of her well-formed hips. Nothing 
 was wanting to gratify the most fastidious ; the 
 only fault, if fault it could be deemed, was exube- 
 rance of beauty. I have already said her breath 
 was perfume ; and well it might be, for she was 
 ruddy health personified : her teeth, like blanched 
 almonds, large but regular, finely contrasted with 
 the rich coral of her glowing Hps; above the 
 upper one sprouted a dark and downy streak, so 
 faint and yet so regularly handsome, that the face 
 would have been deficient in beauty without it.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 211 
 
 I know not what might have happened, had we 
 been left to the intoxication of the moment ; fortu- 
 nately for both, the voice of my approaching host 
 recalled us to our senses, and we ran to meet him ; 
 I, to express the impossibility of stopping, and my 
 fair friend to expostulate on my unkindness in not 
 staying. ^' Why, for the matter of that, my boy," 
 said my host, ^^ if, as you say, you run any risk of 
 losing your men, or of incurring censure by a 
 day's delay, by all means go : we must not lead 
 the young soldier into an error, my dear girl, but 
 you and Maria must get his promise to give us a 
 day on his return." At the mention of the name 
 of that dear angelic being, whom I had first seen, 
 I felt a sensation of shame and sorrow ; and as if 
 to blast me for my momentary apostacy, the next 
 minute she appeared before me, looking as lovely 
 as a houri ! She had, with the excusable vanity 
 of her sex, made some little addition to her morn- 
 ing dress ; and through her glossy black tresses had 
 entwined a wreath of natural white roses, which, 
 although fresh from the tree, looked dull, and 
 faded when contrasted with the brilhant fairness 
 of her snowy forehead. 
 
 *' So, we are going to lose you just when we
 
 212 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 caught you," said she, with inexpressible sweet- 
 ness. '' Yes ! but not for ever, I hope," I 
 replied : ^' after five or six days I shall be able to 
 return to my quarters at Manor Rawdon ; and the 
 following I shall avail myself of your kindness, 
 and pass the greater part of it with you, and 
 enjoy a happiness far beyond my hopes." My 
 Fatima took the compliment to herself; and be- 
 stowed on me a glance of satisfaction, as she 
 returned into the house before us to prepare re- 
 freshment, attended by the lawyer. I followed 
 with the admirable Maria, from whose bosom I 
 solicited a rose : she presented it to me, saying, 
 " Here is my humble memorial. Adieu ; recollect 
 you accept it as a pledge of your return ;" and she 
 disappeared. 
 
 After lunch the old gentleman proposed to 
 accompany me to the Nag's Head. I had pro- 
 mised to return in an hour to my party, and now 
 full one hour and a half had elapsed, which 
 afforded room for many conjectures, and another 
 round of whiskey to the Captain's health. I 
 found the men in as good spirits as whiskey could 
 inspire ; elevated, but still sober enough for every 
 purpose. Old Robin's fat mare had filled her
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 213 
 
 girths ; and now once more mounted on her, grate- 
 fully thanking the great man of the village for his 
 kind reception, and renewing my pledge to see 
 him on the day appointed, off we marched.
 
 214 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 How liappy the soldier who lives on his pay. 
 
 The oldest soldiers could not have shown better 
 conduct on a march. The serjeant took advan- 
 tage of my occasional advance to crack a joke or 
 tell a story, all of course to the advantage of the 
 soldier's life ; a life which he never had led, nor 
 indeed ever intended to lead. He had been one of 
 Colonel Doyle's best recruiting Serjeants, and was, 
 as a great favor, lent to the relative of his old 
 friend. Lord Moira. Mr. Husho sang many funny 
 songs ; and we got into Pollardstown long before 
 dusk, twenty-seven long Irish miles, including 
 the two which the party had marched for my 
 pleasure : our next day's march was but eleven 
 miles ; the third sixteen.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 215 
 
 We were now in a part of the country where, 
 amongst bogs and morasses, the facility to escape 
 might have tempted some of our recruits to desert; 
 but although some of their hearts evidently sank 
 as they approached head-quarters, not a man of 
 them showed the slightest indications of wishing 
 to fly his colours. We pushed forward merrily, 
 and reached head-quarters at Longeville about 
 two o'clock on the third day ; every man as fresh 
 as when he set out. 
 
 Just before we entered the town, while the party 
 were halted to brush up a little, Serjeant Macnab 
 let me into a secret. *' Sir, it's very likely," said 
 this experienced crimp, ^' that the commanding 
 officer would take a fancy to keep me at head- 
 quarters ; but as I was only engaged for the re- 
 cruiting service, it would not shuii me at all to 
 be nailed to the regiment : therefore, Sir, if you 
 please to send me back with one of the party, 
 Corp/ar Dumphy and the other two will march 
 into town with you." There was reason in what 
 he said, and I was not obhged to take him on. 
 As a recruiting serjeant he was invaluable. I 
 therefore granted him not only leave to return, 
 but the mare to ride on, as far as the public-house
 
 216 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 we last slept at ; marching into town at the head 
 of my party, not exactly with the honors of 
 war, having neither colours nor drums — nothing 
 but an almost inaudible whiffling fifer. 
 
 I delivered up my men to the adjutant, Cap- 
 tain-Lieutenant C. F. W. E. Flank, took his 
 receipt for them, with an opinion they were sound 
 men and true, and which the surgeon shortly 
 after, to my great dehght, confirmed. I next 
 went to the paymaster, in whom I recognized the 
 nephew of my magnanimous ally and friend, Joe 
 Atkinson, and laid every man's account before 
 him. Each man was called in his turn to ac- 
 knowledge or object to the account. Not one 
 objection was made : these matters arranged, a 
 balance was struck, (their improvidence had left 
 but little in my hands,) and I bid them all good 
 bye ! They gave me the best of characters, and as 
 a proof of their regard, accompanied me in a body 
 to the barrack gate, beyond which it was not deemed 
 good for their health or morals to allow them to 
 pass. Thus brought to the limits of their liberty, 
 *' God bless your honor" was often repeated ; and 
 I went with Mr. Husho to a dirty puddhng inn, to 
 prepare for dinner at the mess at five.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 217 
 
 A subaltern's toilet is soon made ; but I had 
 scarcely put Mr. Husho*s talent as a hair-dresser 
 to the proof, when his good offices were solicited 
 by all the party assembled in the house of enter- 
 tainment. There were six officers to sleep in four 
 beds, boasting of nothing cleanly beyond white 
 damp sheets. With the aid of my powder and 
 pomatum Mr. Husho executed his task to the 
 admiration of all ; and his remuneration afforded 
 him the means of continuing in a state of constant 
 intoxication for the ensuing two days. 
 
 I set out for the barracks with my five com- 
 rades ; one captain, one lieutenant, and three 
 ensigns. It was a curious sight to observe the 
 diversity of dress in the various members of the 
 same regiment ; no two of whom appeared alike 
 as we assembled in the mess-room. The only 
 leading distinction was the blue facing ; in every 
 other respect each officer followed his own fancy. 
 Some wore jackets without skirts, light-dragoon 
 fashion ; others with short light-infantry swallow 
 tails. Some wore long coats of formal cut ; others 
 military coat -tees of no particular cut whatever ; 
 and which bore the appearance of having been 
 hunting frocks, stripped of the club cuffs and 
 
 VOL. J. K
 
 218 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 collars, tapered away at the skirts to answer as a 
 temporary military garb. Then the variety of hats, 
 caps, bonnets, of beaver, cloth, and leather; as 
 different in shape, cut, and plumage, as were the 
 faces of the w^earers ! 
 
 The dinner passed off as dull as the conver- 
 sation, which, after the cloth was removed, was 
 entirely of that description which is regimentally 
 called ^^ parish j'* a subject quite inadmissible 
 in the messes of older and more regular regi- 
 ments ; but all were anxious to hear the news of 
 the adjutant's budget, who, to do him justice, 
 was no niggard of his communication. From 
 these I derived the information, that upwards of 
 three hundred and fifty men were already on the 
 muster-roll ; that the reports from the recruiting 
 quarters were , highly favourable; and that the 
 four hundred, wanting to complete the battalion, 
 might be reasonably expected at head-quarters in 
 six weeks, when its inspection by the general of 
 the district would take place; further, that the 
 officers who had most success would be kept out 
 recruiting to the last moment y and those who had 
 hitherto been unsuccessful would be called to 
 head-quarters to attend drill, and do the duty of 
 the barracks.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 219 
 
 A thrill of pleasure shot through my heart, 
 when this good-humored fellow, addressing him- 
 self to me, observed, " If you continue as lucky 
 as you have been, I don't think we shall have 
 the pleasure of your company to cut our mutton 
 again till the day of inspection." I felt impatient 
 to get to bed, in order that I might start by 
 the break of the morning's light, and did so, 
 with the slight inconvenience however of being 
 obliged to press a car to carry Mr. Husho to 
 the village, where my Serjeant and privates were 
 in waiting. We were no less than seven hours in 
 performing the sixteen miles, owing to the obstre- 
 perous conduct of the drunken friz, who, like most 
 drunkards when incapable of uttering a word co- 
 herently on any other subject, still found speech 
 enough to argue by the hour on his perfect 
 sobriety. 
 
 However, we at last reached our quarters for 
 the night : the serjeant was on the look-out, 
 and was not a little pleased to hear that I had 
 passed all my men, assuring me that there 
 were two lads on the road, who he suspected 
 were deserters, to whom he had *' tipped " the 
 king's money that morning, and who would be
 
 220 
 
 sure to join us on the march. Instead of halting 
 at the little town eleven miles distant, I engaged 
 a fresh car for the carriage of knapsacks, and to 
 give an occasional lift to the men, in order to 
 reach Templemore before night. 
 
 We tripped over the road this day without the 
 slightest impediment, and by taking a different 
 route by a mountain path, shortened the distance 
 by some five or six miles. But alas ! how uncer- 
 tain are all our hopes ! I felt towards the cool of 
 the evening, when in sight of my anticipated bliss, 
 a faintness and shivering come over me, and ex- 
 perienced a visitation of an overpowering head- 
 ache, which prostrated all my faculties. The 
 cup of happiness seemed to touch my very lips, 
 when fate dashed it from me : would that I had 
 taken this salutary warning ! Unable to sustain 
 my seat on the saddle, I was helped upon the 
 car, my head resting on the lap of Corporal 
 Dumphy, absolutely more dead than alive. 
 
 In this state we arrived at the Nag's-Head, 
 long before the evening dews had fallen ; where, 
 placed on a bed, a heavy deUrious sleep of two 
 hours afforded me some relief, and restored the 
 power of proceeding on the car to my own quarters.
 
 OR, ThE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 221 
 
 This then, thought I, is the dehghtful eve of 
 tiiat day which I promised to spend with my 
 new friends. Haply we may never meet again ; 
 and I shall be forgotten ! With these melancholy 
 thoughts I was finishing my last cup of tea, 
 when my reveries were broken in upon by that 
 angel of light, whose image was always before 
 me, accompanied by the old gentleman : they 
 had accidentally heard of our arrival at the Nag's- 
 Head, and were on their way to hurry me to their 
 hospitable mansion, when they met my serjeant ; 
 he, it seems, had made out a sad story for me of 
 two fainting fits, and tears, and ravings ! with 
 what view, except to beget a tender pity for me, 
 and obtain better quarters, I could not conjec- 
 ture ; but it had such an effect on my kind 
 visitors, that, instead of the hearty shake of the 
 hand, Mr. Temple approached me with caution 
 and great gentleness, expressing his pleasure 
 at seeing me up, and hoped I would not 
 think of going on to Manor-Rawdon that night. 
 ^^ We have a large house, my boy," said he, 
 cheering up, '^ and can take good care of you. 
 But one night ' through the sheets^' and we'll have 
 you as brisk as ever : my son is able to join our
 
 222 THE STAFF OFFICER J 
 
 party, and is anxious to be introduced to you." 
 During the delivery of this kind invitation, the 
 lovely Maria scarcely raised her eyes from the 
 floor; but when concluded, she threw on me a 
 look of such tenderness, and yet, as I interpreted 
 it, . of supplication not to accept the invitation, 
 that for a moment I was struck dumb with sur- 
 prise, and felt myself incapable of reply. 
 
 This feeling being in some measure overcome, I 
 took the hand of the hospitable old gentleman, and 
 begged he would indulge me by allowing me to 
 depart that evening, as the distance was too short 
 to cause any apprehension for my safety ; and as- 
 sured him that the first day I felt myself able to 
 wait on him and his amiable family, I should em- 
 brace that pleasure, if only to repeat my grateful 
 thanks for his kindness. Once more the eyes of the 
 lovely Maria shot forth their mild lustre ; a gleam 
 of satisfaction seemed to beam on her expressive 
 countenance, the cause of which I in vain racked 
 my brain to interpret. It was now nearly ten 
 O'clock, yet still a clear twilight. The car was 
 ready : a bed and warm quilted counterpane over 
 it were, according to the fashion of the country, 
 placed on it for my comfort by my landlord and
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 223 
 
 his sisters ; and having once more given and re- 
 ceived a friendly pressure of the hand from the 
 father, I attempted to say a few vy^ords to the 
 retiring daughter, but my tongue refused its of- 
 fice. I uttered something, I know not what, by 
 way of adieu: but just as she bestowed her part- 
 ing glance on me, I recollected and drew from 
 my bosom the memorial rose which she had pre- 
 sented me with ; and exhibiting it for one short 
 moment, pressed it to my lips and replaced it. 
 The action was observed, and returned by one 
 of those indescribable indications of pleasure which 
 love alone could discern, or perhaps vanity affect 
 to see. 
 
 The extraordinary conduct of this interesting 
 girl had so strongly taken possession of my 
 mind, that I was almost insensible to all that 
 passed around me. The serjeant and corporal 
 used the mare alternately, ride and tie, whilst the 
 privates occasionally rested their wearied limbs 
 on the car. In little more than an hour and a 
 half we reached our quarters ; where old Robin, 
 not expecting me until the following day, had 
 left a couple of post-letters and a newspaper for 
 me. The first contained halves of bank notes to
 
 224 THE STAFF OFFICER J 
 
 the amount of one hundred pounds, from the 
 agent for the pubHc service ; and the newspaper 
 sent by my worthy friend, Captain Atkinson, con- 
 tained the mihtary promotions from the gazette, 
 in which I had the happiness of seeing my own 
 name as ensign, with the scrawl, ^* Je vous 
 fehcite," written on the nearest margin, to prove 
 to me the interest which his kind and warm 
 heart took in my welfare. The commission was 
 dated from the 6th of June. The widow Malone, 
 who seemed to have forgotten my past folly, or 
 to believe that it w^as but a natural and excusable 
 homage to her charms, was all kindness ; and 
 made me a large bason of sherry whey, which, 
 when I was snug in bed, she herself came to 
 administer. I drank it with due thanks, and 
 ventured to ask for one kiss by way of good 
 night. *' Arrah, my dear child j'' said she, '^ its 
 fitter for you to go to sleep, and be good." I 
 will not answer for it that I took her advice to 
 the letter ; but as for the rest, my thoughts 
 hurried me back to Templemore, and to Maria, 
 until wearied nature asserted her rights, and 
 bound me in deep and long repose.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 I do remember an apothecary — 
 
 Previously to retiring for the night, I had or- 
 dered the Serjeant to take home honest Robin's 
 mare, and to bring from Somerston the Esculapius 
 of that village. 
 
 My old guardian, on hearing that I had occa* 
 sion for a leach, held a consultation with his good 
 woman, who had a salve for every sore and a cure 
 for every complaint ; and they both came to me in 
 the morning, just as I had got down stairs. 
 Shortly after my serjeant appeared with the vil- 
 lage doctor, not a wigged apothecary, but a sports- 
 man-like jolly-looking gentleman, whose bronzed 
 and ruddy aspect gave assurance that the con-
 
 226 The staff officer ; 
 
 tents of his shop were never diminished by his 
 personal consumption of them. " So, young gen- 
 tleman," said he, '^ you have been riding in the 
 sun, eh ? — and sitting, I dare say, on some bank 
 to cool yourself?" I attempted to explain the 
 strange and alarming sensations that had op- 
 pressed and overpowered me ; but John Abernethy 
 himself could not have cut short my details with 
 more contemptuous abruptness than this self-suffi- 
 cient knight of the pestle. *^ Yes, yes ! you have 
 had a giddiness and shivering, and you felt you 
 could not tell how — eh ? eh ?— Well ! you shall 
 soon be put to rights !" On hearing that I drank 
 a dose of strong wine whey the night before — 
 *^ Wine whey ! — the devil you did ! No wonder 
 that you are feverish ! I wish they had given you 
 water," said he ; '^ mind, don't take any more 
 of their cursed slops. Wine whey, indeed ! Drink 
 water with a crust of toasted bread in it. My 
 boy will fetch you something in an hour. Keep 
 out of the sun ; and — and — good morning to you !" 
 And off he scampered, having picked up his 
 packed fishing-rod at the door, which on his first 
 approach towards the house I took to be his gold- 
 headed cane. The doctor's injunctions put to
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF TORTUiNE. 227 
 
 flight all Dame OTarrell's kindly intended pre- 
 scnptions for my relief. Within an hour the mes- 
 senger of medicine brought my potion, on the 
 potency of which my pastoral physician seemed 
 to rest his claim to curative fame. On his visit 
 the next day he hardly staid two minutes ; 
 held my hand, examined my tongue, and ex- 
 claimed, '^ Good, Sir, good ! — A fresh breeze this 
 morning ! — charming curl on the water ! — I must 
 be off! — I shall send you some trout; and — keep 
 yourself quiet !'' 
 
 In two days I was permitted to indulge in the 
 joys of the table, and my palate was once more 
 tempted with some nice things which my widow 
 had sent for to Trim ; besides some truly delicious 
 Boyne trout, the present of my sporting Ollapod. 
 The only return I could make him (for his bill 
 was only three shillings, as I recollect) was to 
 employ him to examine my recruits, for which 
 (not always very agreeable service) I allowed him 
 and charged Jiv€ shillings each, instead of one, the 
 usual fee. The success which attended my re- 
 cruiting party rendered even this emolument 
 handsome in his estimation. I had now collected 
 six fine young able-bodied recruits, (including
 
 228 THE STAFF OFFICER * 
 
 the two suspected deserters,) who joined accord- 
 ing to promise, fascinated by the eloquence of 
 Serjeant Macnab, besides an old one, who, 
 though tough, strong, and hearty, was on the 
 wrong side of fifty. As cunning as a fox, he 
 came to my quarters so sprucely dressed, so 
 closely shaved, and with such a ruddy visage, 
 (which whiskey and a warm walk had an equal 
 share in promoting,) insisting on going for a 
 soldier, that my Serjeant was deceived ; and 
 immediately touched his ready palm with a golden 
 guinea, besides which he ran up a score with 
 my. comely widow of three and thirty shillings 
 for one day's general treat of bacon, eggs, ale, 
 whiskey, and —piper ! 
 
 The next day he requested leave to go 
 home to see his family, which I granted ; 
 but only on the condition that Mr. Fagan, his 
 landlord, should pledge himself to be answer- 
 able for his return within twenty-four hours. 
 This person lived about four or five miles from 
 Manor Rawdon. The messenger in a few hours 
 brought the required pledge, written however in 
 rather equivocal language, and accompanied with 
 a verbal message that he would call on me to talk
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 229 
 
 about that '^foolish old man.'' I allowed the 
 venerable volunteer to depart ; but instead of 
 making his appearance next day, he or his land- 
 lord sent his daughter, an interesting, solemn-look- 
 ing young woman, apparently about twenty-five 
 years old, with a guinea, and money also to pay 
 the smart-money and solicit his discharge. The 
 simple account she gave of her poor father's 
 follies, and her shrewd observations on his incapa- 
 city at his time of life to be of any use as a 
 soldier y while to his family, '* to which," she added 
 with a heavy sigh, '^ he had been a heart-break 
 this many a long day," he would be for ever lost, 
 were really affecting. 
 
 I pitied her from my soul ; but I had a duty to 
 perform ; and had I yielded my right and the 
 right of my colonel to his appearance at head- 
 quarters, I should have considered myself un- 
 worthy my rank, and exhibited an example of 
 weakness, of which more valuable recruits might 
 take advantage. '^ All I ask, my poor good girl," 
 I answered, '^ is, that your father should return 
 to his colours, ask pardon for his folly, and dis- 
 charge his score here ; when I assure you that 
 you shall have him back." — "Ah! sir," she replied.
 
 230 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 *' liill you give me your hand and word for it?"^ 
 — *' Here is my hand/' said I, tendering it to her, 
 which she clenched with fervor ; " and you may 
 depend on my word." — " May God's blessing be 
 about you ever, Sir, and the blessing of the poor 
 child !" (herself) She then departed, much hap- 
 pier in appearance than when she first addressed 
 me. My eye followed her with looks of admi- 
 ration. She was a character, in humble life it is 
 true ; but still a noble one. As I have said, she 
 might be twenty-five years of age — perhaps 
 younger ; but field-labour had destroyed much of 
 the original delicacy of her fine skin and features ; 
 while premature care had anticipated the footsteps 
 of time on the innocent and placid countenance of 
 poor Nanny ! The cleanliness of her personal 
 appearance did much to increase my favourable 
 opinion of her. On her head she wore a beaver 
 hat, under which was a snowy white muslin ker- 
 chief, which was tied under her chin. Her fair 
 hair was parted on the forehead, and the side 
 locks, combed back, were combined with the re- 
 mainder in a long and broad plait turned up on 
 
 * This from a gentleman is, in the eye of a poor Irish peasant , 
 an obligation as binding as an oath !
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 231 
 
 the head, and which partly showed itself beneath 
 
 the kerchief. Another white kerchief covered her 
 
 shoulders and breast ; while over and above all 
 
 was a long, dark crimson-coloured cloak, which 
 
 hung almost to her ancles, fitted more for January 
 
 than June : but the genuine Irish of both sexes 
 
 are partial to the cloak in all seasons, when dressed 
 
 in their best, as a mark of humble wealth and 
 
 comfort. Her stockings were of fine light-blue 
 
 worsted, and displayed a well-shaped ancle ; 
 
 while her neat but strong shoes showed that no 
 
 part of her dress had been unattended to. She 
 
 was the eldest of six children, and on her devolved 
 
 the charge of all ; for the wretched mother had 
 
 some infirmity which rendered her incapable of 
 
 any other employment than that of spinning. 
 
 The father (a libertine in low life) had of late 
 been a constant source of sorrow to his family ; 
 but possessing a small freehold, on which he re- 
 sided, of the value of about twenty-four pounds a 
 year, the eldest daughter's industry, assisted by 
 the labours of the younger children, had kept 
 them in comparative comfort and plenty. The 
 old man had twice before in the preceding three 
 months enhsted, and after a debauch of some days
 
 232 THE STAFF OF'FICER ; 
 
 was discharged on paying a sum of money by 
 way of '* smart" to the enlisting party. I deter- 
 mined in my own mind on giving him this time a 
 salutary lesson of sUch severity as would, I hoped, 
 correct his folly for the rest of his days ; but the 
 deep anxiety shown by that humble but excellent 
 girl changed my purpose ; and had he obeyed my 
 mandate by returning that day, he should have 
 been surrendered to her without penalty ; unfor- 
 tunately it proved otherwise. The poor girl re- 
 turned to my quarters towards the dusk of the 
 evening, with the sorrowful intelligence (as she 
 termed it) that the old man had gone on the bog 
 with Mr. Thomas Fagan's men, and was hidden 
 amongst them. ^' God help us, what is now to be- 
 come of us ?" said she, wringing her hands. 
 
 She had been on the bog for hours, searching 
 for her unhappy father ; and though on foot from 
 dawn of day to the going down of the sun, 
 she had not tasted food. Fatigue and anxiety 
 now rendered her long and solemn countenance 
 almost ghastly. I entreated her to be com- 
 forted, and insisted on her taking some refresh- 
 ment. She passively suffered herself to be brought 
 into the kitchen tap by one of the young women
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 233 
 
 of the house, and there she sat, silent as the grave, 
 
 absorbed in sorrowful reflections. I sent her some 
 
 tea, which, with a slice of griddle bread, was all 
 
 she would partake of. The night came on thick 
 
 and dark, yet she prepared to set off for her sad 
 
 home at ten o'clock. AVlien I was apprized of her 
 
 intended departure, I went down to the kitchen 
 
 and remonstrated with her. Although she still 
 
 seemed fixed on going, a sort of terror hung over 
 
 her, which even the natural imperturbability of 
 
 her countenance could not conceal from me. *' I 
 
 ought to go. Sir," said she to me; ^^but" — ^' But 
 
 what, my poor girl," I inquired, *' what do you 
 
 fear? -If you are determined to go, my serjeant 
 
 and one of my men," pointing to a kind old fellow 
 
 of the name of Connor, '^ shall see you every step 
 
 of the way." She raised her grey and lack-lustre 
 
 eye upon me with a look of peculiar anxiety and 
 
 fear, and said, ** Oh ! your Honour, no ! no !" 
 
 There was something in her manner so different 
 from her usual passiveness, that I desired to speak 
 with her in the parlour : she followed me in with 
 the step of innocence, unsuspicious of evil, and 
 when alone I repeated my question, and offer 
 of the escort. ^^ Oh ! for the love of God don't
 
 234 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 send the serjeant with me ; but keep him here, 
 while Mr. Connor' ' (the old soldier I had named) 
 *' might see me as far as the Cross, and then, with 
 God's help, I would get the rest of the way by 
 myself." 
 
 " And why not the serjeant, Nanny?'' She 
 hesitated, and then said, ^' Because, Sir, he at- 
 tempted to make free with me this morning, before 
 I saw your Honour ; and now this evening again 
 he has been whispering to me words not fit for a 
 poor honest girl to hear." O ho ! Mr. Macnab, 
 thought I, you would be a precious guardian to 
 the girl, but I'll put a stopper on your gallantry, 
 you sinner ! How apt are we to condemn and 
 hate in others that very vice of which we are 
 ourselves the slaves. '* Well, my good girl, I will 
 go myself with you, as well as old Connor, as far 
 as the Cross, and no harm shall happen to you." 
 — *' May the Lord increase you, Sir!*^* was her 
 homely thanks. 
 
 In five minutes we were on the road ; old 
 Connor (with the girl tucked under his friendly 
 arm) and myself; accompanied by '* Cromwell," 
 
 • A translation from the Irish blessing, which iceans, may the 
 Lord increase jour store.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 235 
 
 whose affections I had so far conciUated by daily 
 feeding him with my own hand, and gamboling 
 about with him in the fields, that he stuck by my 
 side, rubbing his rough cheek to my hand, while 
 rested on his strong and bristly neck. The poor 
 simple girl had for the first time in her life been 
 honored with such an escort; but she seemed 
 to feel it in the light of an act of kind regard for 
 the safety of unprotected innocence. On wishing 
 her good night, I told her to have it made known 
 to Mr. Thomas Fagan, that if he did not bring 
 back her father, I should pay him a visit in a man- 
 ner he would not like ; and once more pledged my 
 word (aye, and my hand too) that my promise to 
 her should be faithfully performed.
 
 236 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 Though I look old, yet am I strong and lusty. 
 
 * • « « * 
 
 My age is as a lustj winter, 
 
 Frosty, but kindly: let me go with you ! 
 
 Another day passed, yet no tidings of my re- 
 cruit, or his guarantee Mr. Fagan ; and as some 
 of my recruits began to cabal and whisper, I sent 
 my compUments to the Major commanding the 
 # # # # # militia (the Earl having left some time) 
 to beg a corporal and two file of men as escort for 
 a short distance the next morning. This party 
 arrived at day-light ; and after regaling them, we 
 set off for the bog. My serj eant and party, with 
 the exception of Corporal Dumphy, remained at 
 our quarters to take care of the recruits. 
 
 We had in all six muskets and plenty of ball
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 237 
 
 cartridge. I had nothing in the way of arms but 
 one of those gew-gaw good-for-nothing kind of 
 swords then worn by officers ; but the brave old 
 Robin, who would not be left behind, carried his 
 double-barrelled gun, and wore his buck-handled 
 hanger. In this formidable array on we marched, 
 old Robin telling me stories every inch of the 
 road, which so shortened our distance, that we 
 -were nearly at Pagan's house before I thought 
 we had travelled half the road. We halted to 
 reconnoitre, when old Robin gave me a lesson of 
 advice. *' Captain, if you were not bent on this 
 step, I would, before we set out, have tried to dis- 
 suade you from it : old Fagan is not a bad man 
 himself, but his sons are no better than they 
 should be ; and if every man had his reward, they 
 might perhaps have gone over the seas with many 
 a poor boy they led into mischief. But the father 
 votes for the Somervilles, and so he's safe any how. 
 Well, Sir ! we are now going where your eye will 
 not see the sight of house or home except Tom 
 Pagan's, and there it stands forenenst us, on the 
 edge of the great bog, of which he rents miles. At 
 this season of turf-cutting, he has generally four 
 or five hundred poor spalpeens, with hardly a rag
 
 238 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 to cover them, and moreover one half of them de- 
 serters and defenders, — (God help their poor dark 
 minds!) Novi^, Captain, be steady; and don't be 
 too venturesome : but for all that, go where you 
 may, you'll find old Robin by your side," con- 
 cluded the brave veteran, erecting his crest, and 
 ready to encounter every danger. 
 
 ** Never fear my prudence, my good Robin," 
 said I ; and, after fixing bayonets, on we pro- 
 ceeded gently until we reached a desolate, dilapi- 
 dated mansion of former days, now converted 
 into the farm-house of the master of the bog, in 
 front of which we halted and formed. 
 
 Not a soul was to be seen about it ; not even a 
 dog (a rare object to miss) to bark at my gigantic 
 Cromwell. I entered the house, and saw a decent 
 woman engaged at the usual female occupation of 
 spinning flax, attended by a half-clad, bare-legged 
 little girl about twelve years of age. I asked for 
 Mr. Fagan : — ^' Down on the bog. Sir, with the 
 cutters." — ^' Any of his men, by whom I could 
 send a message?" — '' Not one, Sir; they're all 
 with the master." I then ordered Corporal Dum- 
 phy and a file of men into the very parlour, where, 
 sitting over the spinning-wheel, the astonished
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 239 
 
 Mrs. Fagan heard me give in a cool and deter- 
 mined tone the following order — '^ If within half 
 an hour you don't find me return in safety with 
 Mr. O'Farrell, shoot that woman through 
 THE HEAD, sct fire to the house, then retire with all 
 possible speed to your quarters with the soldiers ! ! /'* 
 
 The little girl had suddenly disappeared by 
 some back door ; and fearing a surprise, I posted 
 one man at each corner of the house, and 
 set oflP, accompanied by old Robin and the dog 
 Cromwell, into the great cut which led into the 
 very heart of the *^ big-red- bog,'* It was like 
 descending into the ruins of an immersed city. 
 Nothing w^as to be seen but the bright blue sky 
 over our heads, between two high and apparently 
 interminable walls of fibrous, dark, spongy soil. 
 
 At every hundred or two yards, however, similar 
 avenues, resembling desolate streets, were cut to 
 the right and left, which had the same endless 
 vista; and they were in like manner intersected. 
 At one of these turnings, Mr. Fagan, preceded by 
 the bare-legged little girl, suddenly started out, 
 making for home with hurried pace ; in the dis- 
 tance behind him were to be seen the heads of 
 several scores of turf-cutters, popping up and
 
 240 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 down, as they threw from their sharp and hol- 
 lowed spades on the impending bank the produce 
 of their latest cut. These spades are in them- 
 selves deadly weapons. Not doubting but that 
 the little girl had explained how matters stood at 
 home, and that the word had been passed on the 
 bog to keep the '^ boys" on the alert, I ad- 
 vanced towards Mr. Fagan, and received his salute 
 with a smile of good-humour, as did Mr. O'Farrell 
 with a shake of the hand. There was the gloomy 
 restlessness of offended pride in the visage of this 
 vulgarian which could not be mistaken ; so to cut 
 conversation short, I pulled out his note, in which 
 he pledged himself to bring old Fleming to me ; 
 and at the same time my watch, saying, '^ If Mrs. 
 Fagan's life is of value to you, fifteen minutes only 
 are left to save it ! You may order your turf- 
 cutters to sacrifice us ; but ere we fall, your wife 
 will be a corpse, and your house in flames ! I 
 knew my danger in coming into your lawless bog ; 
 but we shall not fall unrevenged : therefore come 
 to your house, surrender Fleming, and we will 
 instantly depart without mischief or insult to any 
 one." He was going to whistle with his finger in 
 his mouth, but I stopped him by saying, *^ Here's
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 241 
 
 your little girl — she can take your message to your 
 sons, as it was for them, I presume, your signal 
 was intended." '* Sir," said the now affrighted 
 man, ** we mean you no harm — you take this too 
 seriously ; you know not how you wrong me : not a 
 soul knew of your intended coming, or Fleming 
 should have been here to the fore." He ordered 
 the girl in the Irish language (which Robin per- 
 fectly weJl understood) to tell his sons for the 
 *' life of them " not to let one man stir from the bog 
 except old Fleming, and to send him instantly to 
 the house, to which we hurried, and relieved the 
 terrors of the almost petrified Mrs. Fagan by with- 
 drawing the soldiers. 
 
 That done, and being unwilling to prolong a 
 parley on such ticklish ground, we formed the 
 military in front; when I politely insisted 
 on the pleasure of Mr. Fagan's company for 
 a mile or two of the road, in which time old 
 Fleming might overtake us. He knew it was in 
 vain to object. He merely called for his best wig — 
 his hair one, that which he then wore being his 
 flaxen or working wig, and rather the worse for 
 the laborious duties of the morning. Having 
 given an order to his wife to hurry off Fleming 
 
 VOL. I. L
 
 242 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 without a moment's delay to the cross, we pre- 
 pared to move. '^ Mind, Sir," said I, '' if he ap- 
 proaches with more than one person in company, 
 you may guess the consequences. " This inj unction 
 being added to the former one given to his wife, 
 we proceeded. 
 
 There is in the Irish character, perhaps, more 
 than in that of any other people on the face of the 
 earth, an elasticity of mind which defies ordinary 
 calculation. Mr. Fagan, who set out on this 
 forced march with curses, not loud, but deep, 
 upon his tongue, had not been in my com- 
 pany half an hour ere his gloomy sullenness re- 
 laxed, and he appeared to feel a pleasure in 
 answering the various inquiries my ignorance led 
 me to make of him respecting the turf harvest, 
 explaining the manner by which the turf-cutters 
 are gathered to the amount of hundreds; viz., a 
 simple notice from the altar after the conclusion 
 of the mass ; and the mode of cutting, drying, 
 and transporting this fuel from the vast and ap- 
 parently trackless bogs to the canals, by which 
 it is conveyed to remote parts of the country as 
 well as to the metropolis. 
 
 Mr. O'Farrell, who was by faith and practice a
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 243 
 
 lover and preacher of peace and good-will, at- 
 tempted to explain away my morning's proceed- 
 ings ; but seeing it was a sore subject, and one 
 which in fact could not be explained away to the 
 satisfaction of Mr. Pagan's feelings, I found means 
 to divert it by entering on a different topic, 
 and treated him to some very extraordinary 
 news of various kinds, chiefly about the French 
 convention, our army in Flanders, &c. ; all of 
 which, though not above twelve weeks old, was 
 most gratefully received. So far indeed had he 
 conquered his prejudices against me, that, on my 
 proposition to him to come on to Manor Rawdon, 
 and eat a bit of lamb with me in a friendly way, 
 he rather consented than refused. 
 
 On arriving at the cross, at which the road 
 to Trim (only five miles distant) branched off, 
 we sat down at the foot of one of those 
 monuments of the piety of our popish ances- 
 tors, which still rears its venerable head, un- 
 scathed by the hand of time, the war of ele- 
 ments, or the still more deadly war of religious 
 feuds and factions. We sat reposing ourselves 
 and chatting, when, at a distance of about half a 
 mile, two figures were discovered in the horizon, 
 bending their course towards us ; in one of whom
 
 244 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 I had no difficulty in tracing the upright form 
 and flowing cloak of the affectionate Nanny, and 
 in the other her ungracious sire. A few moments 
 brought them more immediately within our view ; 
 and seeing them wholly unattended, I renewed 
 my invitation to Mr. Fagan to partake of my 
 humble dinner, assuring him that he should 
 return at his own time and leisure. He accepted 
 the offer with the most perfect good-will, on 
 which I dismissed the militia-men for their own 
 head-quarters, with a very acceptable mark of my 
 obhgations for their steady conduct. 
 
 With hanging head and hobbling gait old 
 Fleming joined us ; and it was quite ludicrous, as 
 he marched some yards in front with Corporal 
 Dumphy, to observe his affectation of that state 
 of decrepitude, which, hale and strong as he was, 
 he could not fall into for at least fifteen or twenty 
 years. How different from his appearance a few 
 days before, when he danced a jig with an agility 
 that would have done credit to a man of thirty ! 
 Poor Nanny (I saw by her haggard appearance) 
 had doomed herself to the same penance she had 
 endured on a former day, and I longed to get to 
 my quarters to see her comforted and refreshed. 
 In order, however, not to create unfavourable sus-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 245 
 
 picions in the mind of Fagan, or give one moment's 
 pain to the heart of her perhaps sensitive parent, 
 I scarcely spoke to her ; yet her grey eye shot 
 forth an inquiring look, as in silence she passed 
 me, which seemed to demand of me a renewal of 
 my pledge for her father's release. As far as a 
 look could inspire her with confidence, I returned 
 one which seemed to satisfy her. My fierce 
 Cromwell now bounded on before me to announce 
 our approach ; and the worthy O'Farrell, for the 
 first time I had ever seen him so, appeared faint 
 and exhausted. On reaching our door he confessed 
 that he had not '^ broken bread that blessed day J' 
 It was now high noon, and poor Nanny with 
 the brave old Robin were both fasting. They 
 were introduced into the widow's sanctum, and a 
 comfortable breakfast was laid before them. I had 
 previously informed Robin of the promise I had 
 given to this girl with respect to her father, and 
 the high regard I felt towards the good creature 
 for her exemplary conduct. '^ Captain," said this 
 rigid moraUst, " she is an honest girl, industrious 
 and innocent ! and never yet has done evil, and 
 is the chief support of the children. She is 
 not handsome. Sir, nor over young, nor worth
 
 246 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 your — but — No, Sir ! you don't mean her any 
 harm. No ! your noble heart scorns it. So I'll 
 say no more. But in the name of God, leave her 
 as you found her, and Heaven will reward you 
 for it I" Now, little as I was aware of any sus- 
 picions in Robin's mind, they were nevertheless 
 very natural, from the warm manner in which I 
 interested myself for poor Nanny on her arrival. 
 I soon satisfied him that my intentions were as pure 
 as he could have wished, and, leaving them to their 
 refreshment, went to my strange guest, Mr. Fagan. 
 While employed in finding conversation for 
 both, I was interrupted by a call below to re- 
 ceive two gentlemen. I found them to be the 
 Messrs. Newnhams, who, hearing of my morning 
 exploit, came kindly to remonstrate with me on 
 the danger and folly of it. ^' You should not 
 have taken the law into your own hands," said 
 the elder, ^' for now your safety after night-fall 
 will be very doubtful." I was not insensible to 
 just reproof, and therefore confessed the error of 
 proceeding to such serious lengths without taking 
 their advice, but excused myself on the score of 
 my military obUgations. ^' Ah ! but my dear boy," 
 continued the elder, '^ if that poor woman had
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 247 
 
 lost her life through /reg/f^ — for I hope you never 
 seriously intended she should have been put to 
 death by your soldiers — if, by any chance, you 
 had not appeared to the time, you would never 
 have forgiven yourself, and probably would not 
 have enjoyed another happy moment during life." 
 I hung my head in silence. The awful truth 
 Hashed on my mind ; and the horrible idea 
 that the soldiers really would have acted on my 
 orders had I not appeared to my time, almost 
 distracted me. 
 
 Seeing my confusion, they said they called to 
 tell me that all was well. The woman and one of 
 the sons had been to their house to obtain a war- 
 rant against me ; but this they had deferred grant- 
 ing until they saw me. I told them Fagan himself 
 was in the house as my voluntary guest, at which 
 they seemed equally astonished and pleased ; and 
 promising to call in the evening on their way from 
 Somerston, they left me in a strange state of feel- 
 ing, divided between the pain of self-reproach and 
 the pride of having done my duty under every 
 dan2:er. Time has since convinced me of the 
 folly, not to say cruelty, of the act ; but such 
 acts were, and I fear are still, but too common in
 
 248 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 that unhappy country. The circumstances com- 
 municated by the magisterial brothers rendered 
 me doubly anxious to cultivate the good-will of 
 my vulgar though shrewd guest, on whom I 
 lavished every civility ; and without betraying any 
 over anxiety for an oblivion of the morning's work, 
 I proposed a jug of reconciliation, in which 
 G'Farrell, always temperate, for once consented to 
 join. Over this jorum, friendship was proclaimed, 
 and old Robin made us shake hands on it. 
 
 When six o'clock came, Mr. Fagan expressed a 
 desire to go home ; and that he should do so like a 
 gentleman, a horse with bridle and saddle (a conve- 
 nience not always to be had in a hurry) was pro- 
 vided : he drank off the stirrup-glass with repeated 
 protestations of friendship and regard, whether sin- 
 cere or otherwise I cared not; but it is at least fair to 
 say for my bog acquaintance, that neither he him- 
 self nor his people ever molested me ; on the con- 
 trary, I had many a pitcher of cream and many a 
 basket of fine gooseberries and currants presented 
 from his garden, the best in the neighbourhood. 
 In the course of my sojourn at Manor Rawdon, I 
 subsequently discovered that this was the reward 
 of my lenient conduct towards old Fleming.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 249 
 
 It was with great satisfaction the Messrs. Newii- 
 hams heard from me, on their evening visit, that 
 mattei-s had concluded so amicably ; and they 
 most kindly forbore to remind me how deeply 1 
 had committed and endangered myself. 
 
 They then advised me by all means to march 
 old Fleming to head-quarters with my next de- 
 tachment of recruits: '^ He will be rejected of 
 course," (said they,) '' but it will give the man a 
 fright, and keep him more at home with his 
 family in future." I agreed in the propriety of 
 this step, but determined that his poor affectionate 
 daughter's hopes and dependence shoidd not be 
 baffled. She slept with the servant women of the 
 house that night ; the old man in the detached 
 barrack-room. The next morning I took an op- 
 portunity of talking to the girl, and told her 
 Messrs. Newnhams' advice. *^ It must be as you 
 please, Sir," (she meekly answered,) ^^ but if he 
 should not be rejected?" — " Make yourself easy 
 on that head, my girl ; he ^hall be restored to you 
 and your poor mother — depend on that, cost me 
 what it may." She went home to have a conver- 
 sation with her mother, and on her return she 
 brought a bundle of clothes for herself, and some
 
 250 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 linen for her father : there was a degree of humble 
 fortitude in her look and manner, as if she had 
 made up her mind to endure the worst, and cling- 
 to her old father, whatever fate awaited him. 
 
 Ha™g mildly hinted to the Serjeant my wish 
 that he would be kind but not too free with 
 Fleming's daughter, he promised me of course ; but 
 he did more — he kept that promise, and treated 
 her with respect and tenderness during the march. 
 
 The hay harvest was over, and the wages were 
 wasted in dissipation. We had picked up four- 
 teen more recruits, of which I counted on ten at 
 least being accepted ; the others were bow-legged, 
 short sturdy louts of five feet three and four, hardly 
 fit for rear-rank men of the centre companies of 
 what used to be called a ^' condemned regimen f in 
 those days : however I took them at hap-hazard, 
 and made arrangements for another march to Lon- 
 gueville, determined to enjoy on my return the 
 long wished-for visit to Templemore, where my 
 heart and all its best affections lay. 
 
 The very evening before our intended march, an 
 old woman brought me a letter ; delivering it with 
 great mystery, but not omitting to say, as she 
 looked in my face, ^^ Musha then ! the Lord bless
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 251 
 
 you a fid Miss Maria /" I knew not how to account 
 to old O'Farrell, who was near me when the 
 beldam called me aside, for the appearance of 
 this strange visitor ; and though he marvelled 
 much at it, he had too much delicacy to ask a 
 single question. I looked over the letter ; saw it 
 did not require an immediate reply ; gave the old 
 woman a few shillings, and a glass of whiskey to 
 set her going, and in an instant she was off. 
 
 The female servants, however, were less scru- 
 pulous than honest Robin. '* That 's the ould 
 fortune-teller from Laracor, bad luck to her !" 
 said one. '^ Ay," said another, *^ and I'll be 
 bail the Captain gave her pretty hansel, for she 
 had her fist full of shillings ; it 's the likes of her 
 that has the luck." Even the fine-faced widow 
 gave her opinion — ^' It 's soo)i you re in the field, 
 Captain ; but hoiv sly you have kept it .'" All this 
 I endured in silence. I feared to tell Robin that 
 it was an invitation from Mr. Temple, lest at some 
 future period the falsehood should be discovered ; 
 I knew not what to say, and therefore was silent. 
 As soon as I was alone in my room, I read the 
 letter with feelings of delight which have never 
 since been equalled.
 
 -52 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 *' Although sensible of the impropriety of writing 
 to you, I am hurried on by feelings which I would 
 not, if I could, control ; to your young and in- 
 genuous heart I confide my honor ; let it frame 
 that excuse which I cannot find for myself. We 
 now hear of you every day, but see you never. 
 Why is this ? Come to us — to me ! as you value 
 the heart of— Maria." 
 
 Entranced in schemes of future bliss, the balmy 
 power for hours forsook my pillow, and sleep 
 closed not my wearied eyes until the grey morn 
 lifted 
 
 Her pale lustre on the paler wretch, 
 Exanimate by love. 
 
 How to convey an answer was my first anxiety. 
 I blamed my precipitancy in sending off the old 
 woman without one line or word of acknowledg- 
 ment ; however Laracor was but two miles out of 
 the line of march, and thither I determined to go, 
 and by riding through Trim, join my party on the 
 Templemore road about the hour they would 
 arrive at the turn leading to that village. 
 
 Every thing being prepared for the march, my 
 party, now reinforced by an escort of six men 
 of the ^ * ^ * ^ militia, proceeded forward, with
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 253 
 
 orders where to halt. My movements were a 
 mystery to old Robin, who still preserved a re- 
 spectful silence ; he seemed pleased at being asked 
 to march in command of my party a couple of 
 miles of the road, only regretting that he had not 
 his hanger : he had however his five-foot cane ; 
 a much more appropriate appendage to his vene- 
 rable age and quaker-like appearance. In order 
 to relieve the party generally, and prevent their 
 hanging back from blistered feet or sore heels, 
 complaints which unwilling marchers are some- 
 times apt to be troubled with, but chiefly for the 
 convenience of the affectionate and troubled 
 Xanny, a car brought up the rear ; then having 
 seen my party march off in as high glee as 
 whiskey and the sound of a solitary fife could 
 create, I turned my horse's head towards Laracor.
 
 254 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 O, judge him gently ! for to him was given 
 A feeling heart, that fatal gift from Heaven. 
 
 My story now draws towards an interesting yet 
 painful period. In a few short weeks I lost more 
 self-esteem than years could afterwards restore. 
 Yet let me not be too severely judged : mine were 
 not the crimes of the matured and practised se- 
 ducer — the deliberate violator of the sanctity of 
 the social hearth, but the momentary errors of a 
 heart itself seduced to evil ; the follies, not the 
 crimes, of a youth scarcely seventeen ! 
 
 I found the old woman at home and alone. I 
 reached her hovel between eight and nine o'clock. 
 She was sitting in the chimney-corner of the 
 now cool and turfless hearth, deriving faint light
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 255 
 
 from the hole above, which formed an apology for 
 a chimney : across her knees rested an old nose- 
 less pair of bellows, on the board of which she 
 displayed a filthy pack of cards, from which she 
 affected to explore the destinies of many a fair 
 employer. 
 
 That she herself believed in the virtue of these 
 greasy oracles of fate, I could not entertain a 
 doubt; for when I abruptly entered, she gave a 
 faint scream, and exclaimed, ^* Well, see that 
 now !" protesting, with an oath, that she had 
 seen my approach in the cards five minutes 
 before ; and certainly, from the nature of the road, 
 her vision must have been supernatural to have 
 obtained a sight of me by her outward organs ; 
 nor had she the slightest intimation of my in- 
 tended visit. 
 
 She had placed me, under the uninviting cha- 
 racter of the knave of spades, between the queen 
 of that suit and the fair one of hearts ; certain it 
 is, I saw the amiable trio set apart from the rest 
 of the pack, where they had evidently been placed 
 long before I could have been perceived. ^' Here 
 you are," said the beldam, (pointing to Spado,) 
 ^^ and here is your love,'^ placing her fingers on
 
 256 THE STAFF OFPICER ; 
 
 the queen of hearts ; '^ and here/' touching the 
 Dido of spades with a significant shake of her 
 head, '' is the lady who loves you, and whom you 
 turn your back on." She then shuffled up her 
 entire pack, and inviting me to cut it into three 
 parcels, she commenced her predictions. After 
 some internal rumination, she mumbled out the 
 result of her divinations. " Here is the four of 
 clubs — which means a bed ; and here is the ace of 
 diamonds — a letter and a ring, but not for you.'' 
 Then turning up the next card, she exclaimed, in 
 evident dismay, *^ Ogh ! death alive ! Captain, 
 jewel ! the ring is covered by the nine of spades — 
 misfortune and trouble ; and there's a dark man 
 between you — and here is another letter — and 
 there's death and grief; O ! woor es throo! O ! 
 woor es throo ! ^ But all may end happily ; cut 
 again." Heartily tired of her jargon, yet not a little 
 ashamed of my own credulity, (for I confess some 
 portion of her assumed powers of divination made 
 an impression on me for the moment) I asked 
 how long it would take her to go to Temple- 
 more. 
 
 * O woor es throo ! an Irish exclamation so pronounced, meaning 
 " woe is ine !"
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 257 
 
 " Is it how long I would take ? Why, what's to 
 hinder me from being there in a jifFy ?" 
 
 '^ But in what time, my good woman, could you 
 be there?" 
 
 '^ Well then, your Honor, faster than you can 
 ride there, that is, if you go through Trim, any 
 how." 
 
 Annoyed at her evasive (but truly Irish) way 
 of answering my question, I once more threw out 
 a bait for a positive answer; demanding if she 
 could be there in an hour. 
 
 *' In an hour, agra ! Sure the river's low enough 
 now, and the devil a bridge I want. I'll be bail 
 your Honor will not be out of Trim town before I 
 am safe and sound at Templemore before you." 
 
 " But, my good woman, I am not going there; 
 I am merely to pass along the road at the head 
 of the Templemore town. I wish you to give 
 this note into Miss Maria's own hand, without 
 any other soul seeing you." 
 
 " Give it to me," said she, eagerly seizing the 
 billet ; '' and let me be off." 
 
 Her impatience was too much in unison with 
 my own to induce me to offer the slightest check
 
 258 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 to it. So bundling up the cards, she thrust them 
 into her pocket, throwing a rag of a cloak over 
 her shoulders, and a doubtful colored old kerchief 
 over her head ; and all was ready for her depart- 
 ure. My mare was tied to an elder-tree, which 
 overshadowed the solitary hovel, against the en- 
 trance of which the old body had stuck up an apo- 
 logy for a door, placing a large stone against it, by 
 way of security against the intrusion of the pigs ; for 
 from the superstition of the poor people, no human 
 being would think of entering into the sibyl's den. 
 She set off at a quicker pace than from her ap- 
 pearance I thought her capable of ; and knowing 
 how much she could shorten the distance by ford- 
 ing the Boyne, I gave credit to her promise of ex- 
 pedition, and set off with a light but still anxious 
 heart. 
 
 On passing through Trim I could not avoid 
 paying a hasty visit of compliment to the com- 
 manding officer there, and leaving cards at the 
 lodgings of those officers of the corps from 
 whom I had received such polite attentions. 
 These visits did not occupy half an hour, and I 
 was once more on the wing ; another half hour
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF EORTUNE. 259 
 
 brought me up with my party, who had the advan- 
 tage of me by a quarter of an hour, and were quite 
 ready for the road. 
 
 When just about to resume the march, I saw 
 my ancient messenger trotting towards me, and 
 making signs that she had followers ; whilst, with 
 a significant wink of her bleared yet cunning 
 eye, she held for a moment her finger on her 
 withered lips, and then hastily passed me without 
 one word or another look. In two minutes or less, 
 Mr. Temple, with my angel Maria, appeared in 
 the distance, making hasty strides to catch us 
 before we moved. In an instant I was on foot, 
 and running towards them ; my eyes were fixed in 
 rapture on her almost divine face. 
 
 There was no longer any embarrassment on her 
 brow ; a glance of inquiry on my part was an- 
 swered, as I supposed, in the affirmative — 'tis welly 
 'tis well. I was so transported with my good for- 
 tune, that I never appeared in a greater flow of 
 spirits ; the old man was more than kind, he was 
 cordial. I at last asked the question which I felt 
 I had too long neglected : addressing Maria, I in- 
 quired, ** How is your sweet sister and Mr. Tom ?" 
 — ^* Quite well," she answered : *^ she sends her
 
 260 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 kind remembrance to you. As for Tom, he is in 
 the garden to-day taking the air, waiting our 
 return, and of course is cross at our absence." — 
 *^ Ay, ay, my dear," interrupted the old gentle- 
 man; *' but the captain will know more about him 
 by-and-by. Well, now God bless you, my boy ! 
 come to us on your return, and stay with us as 
 long as you can. We accidentally heard of your 
 marching from the doctor, and were determined 
 to intercept you if we could ; but mind you don't 
 give us the double on your return, or by Jove 
 you'll have the women upon you for the slight." 
 
 They stopped to see my awkward troop in 
 motion, while I remained behind with them, in 
 order to partake of the laugh rather than be in- 
 cluded in it. Another adieu, and an interchange 
 of fond looks with the loveliest of her sex, set me 
 off in that state of buoyancy of mind which is the 
 happy gift of youth, alas ! too soon depressed by 
 the cares and crimes of manhood. I had jogged 
 on a couple of hundred yards in the rear of the 
 party before I dared to turn my looks behind. 
 When at last I did, instead of the sylph-like figure 
 of the gentle Maria, my eye caught a glance of 
 the old sibyl in full chace of me. As may be sup-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 261 
 
 posed I slackened my pace, laying the blame on 
 a slack girth, and which I made a show of tight- 
 ening, in order to allow of the old woman's ap- 
 proach. The only words she uttered were, '^ She has 
 it — she is yours ! Be off — be off! If the master 
 sees me, I'm kilt!" She did not even wait for 
 her reward, but wheeled away and took to the 
 earth like an old fox, under the covert of a high 
 impending bank, where she crouched as if fearful 
 of observation. I remounted, and was soon up 
 with my party. 
 
 I perceived with pleasure that poor Nanny 
 was travelling in perfect personal comfort, al- 
 though her stern immoveability of countenance 
 showed no ,sign either of pleasure or pain; 
 equally proof to the expression of hope or fear. 
 Her father, who apparently had made up his 
 mind for an awful change of life, had endeavoured, 
 by the help of an occasional haff-noggin of the 
 native, to keep his spirits afloat. His daughter 
 (true to her promise) had not encouraged the 
 slightest hope of his obtaining a discharge, al- 
 though it must have wrung her kind heart to hear 
 his deep and heavy sighs whenever he approached 
 her to give instructions for the management of
 
 262 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 the house after losing him ! Another day's trial, 
 my poor Namiy, thought I, and your heart shall 
 be at ease. 
 
 We reached our stage at dusk, and were not 
 long in providing quarters, which I preferred 
 paying for under one roof, rather than run risks 
 by taking scattered billets. 
 
 To a poor Irishman a bed is never an object of 
 concern, particularly at such a season of 
 the year. A barn plentifully strewed with clean 
 straw, and here and there a blanket, was found 
 quite sufficient to supply the wants and gratify the 
 wishes of recruits and escort. The latter fur- 
 nished two sentries during the short summer's 
 night to prevent desertion. The morning parade, 
 however, found every man on the roll present and 
 fresh for the march, which I extended that day to 
 a village vdthin the short distance of five miles to 
 head-quarters. 
 
 Poor Nanny's countenance for the first time 
 betrayed symptoms of change during this last 
 march, overspread by a deadly paleness at one 
 moment, and at the next burning with the flush of 
 fever; she tottered rather than walked to her 
 father's side when we halted for the night, and
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 263 
 
 clung to him, as if he alone, of all earthly objects, 
 was the most dear to her ; and so he was ! At 
 that moment I wished to have said a few words to 
 her, but had too much to do in making my 
 arrangements for the accommodation and security 
 of my men to afford me time. But, gracious 
 God ! with what a look of ferveni gratitude she 
 turned her tearless heavy eye to heaven when she 
 heard me say to the serjeant, '^ Old Fleming need 
 not sleep in the barn with the recruits — he may go 
 with his daughter to her lodging," Her pale and 
 quivering lips moved in silence ; and grasping the 
 arm of her father, who seemed unconscious of his 
 movements, she hurried him off as if still fearful 
 of a recal.
 
 264 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 To bid the sweetly glistening tear arise 
 That swims in the glad eye of gratitude. 
 
 The village or small town in which we were to 
 quarter for the night, consisted of fifty or sixty 
 straggling houses and cabins, two of which were 
 inns, as the good landladies termed them. In the 
 second best (I must not say worst, for the honor of 
 the country) poor Nanny found a lodging for 
 herself and parent. 
 
 At an early hour the next morning I sent off a 
 messenger to my friend of many names, the adju- 
 tant, to request a fife and drum to beat my party 
 into town. I was in no hurry to proceed forward; 
 so leaving my serjeant and the experienced 
 Corporal Dumphy to dress up the recruits in
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 265 
 
 their clothing, which I did not allow them to wear 
 on the march, I bent my steps down the village 
 towards the alehouse, where Nanny and the old 
 truant, her father, had housed themselves. The 
 poor girl was dressed in her best, as neat and tidy 
 as if prepared to go to chapel as a bride ; and to 
 my eye she seemed an object not unworthy the 
 honest civilities of a better man than Serjeant 
 Macnab. After a long, and I dare say very prosy, 
 lecture to old Fleming, I gave him his regular re- 
 lease (never having been attested), and accepted the 
 money to reimburse the serjeant, receiving also 
 the customary twenty shillings smart money, for 
 all of which I had my reasons. " And now, old 
 man, you are free : go home with your best of 
 daughters ; make your family happy, and God 
 bless you ! " 
 
 The old man was so overpowered by delight, 
 by astonishment, and gratitude, that he stood 
 rolling his leaden eyes in stupid amazement, 
 hardly knowing what to think ; while from the 
 eyes of his generous and devoted daughter burst 
 a flood of tears, which all her past affliction had 
 failed to extract. She fell on her knees ere I 
 could prevent the unwished-for prostration ; and 
 
 VOL. I. M
 
 266 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 with her firm and sinewy hands pressed mine 
 alternately to her lips and heart, incapable of 
 uttering a syllable of thanks. I was not of an 
 age and temperament to stand cold and unmoved 
 at such a scene. I raised poor Nanny from her 
 humble posture ; and when her tongue found 
 words, she said, in her homely but fervent way, 
 " O ! may the blessing of the child, of the 
 father, and the whole family be about you by day 
 and by night; and may the prayers of poor 
 Nanny defend you in the hour of danger !" 
 
 The blessings of the innocent are surely regis- 
 tered in heaven ! The old man hastily rushed out 
 of the room, for what purpose I could not guess ; 
 but I took advantage of his temporary absence to 
 force on the sublime-minded Nanny a paper con- 
 taining all the money her poor father had handed 
 to me. *' And now, dear Nanny," said I, '' ex- 
 cellent girl ! we part to meet no more !" I in- 
 voluntarily opened my arms to embrace her, when 
 she fell almost senseless on my shoulder ; then 
 pressing me with more than feminine force, she 
 clasped me to her throbbing bosom, while her 
 tears bedewed my cheek, bestowing on me a 
 kiss, the ardour of which must for the moment
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 267 
 
 have made my lips pale. It was not the kiss of 
 gross or vulgar passion ; nor yet the ecstatic trem- 
 bling touch of doating first love ! it was such a 
 kiss as the devotee would have bestowed on the 
 shrine of his saint ; or the fond mother have 
 imprinted on the lip of the child of her heart as 
 the last token of maternal tenderness when part- 
 ing to meet no more ! 
 
 During this tender scene in bolted the old 
 father, with a glass in one hand, and a bottle of 
 stuff in the other, to which the landlady had 
 given the hrevet-rajik of port ; and which, in the 
 fulness of his gratitude, he had purchased as a 
 treat to me. " Here, Captain," said he, filling a 
 bumper, ^' and now give her another," (for he 
 had entered at the conclusion of my sentimental 
 embrace,) *^ wishing Nanny a good husband and 
 soon." — "That I will, with all my heart," I re- 
 plied ; and after repeating the toast, but not the 
 embrace, drank off the pernicious compound to 
 the dregs, and departed. 
 
 As I walked, skipped, hopped, or, heaven knows 
 how, found my way along the dirty and desolate 
 street, on my return to my quarters, my feet 
 seemed scarcely to touch the ground ; my head
 
 268 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 was giddy, my heart swam in a sea of delight. 
 O ! of all earthly joys, surely that of making a 
 virtuous being supremely happy is the most exqui- 
 site. Ambition, love, pleasure, even the enchant- 
 ing Maria, were all forgotten in this moment of 
 sweet delirium. I could only think of the fond and 
 faithful Nanny returning to her native roof, bring- 
 ing in her hand that penitent parent, who had 
 hitherto only brought affliction on their humble 
 house, but whose presence would be greeted as 
 the harbinger of joy and days of happiness to the 
 domestic circle. 
 
 On repairing to the barrack-room, a mass of 
 human hair, which lay, coiled up like a huge black 
 spaniel, in a corner, the mowings of Mr. Husho's 
 unsparing scizzors from the heads of my rugged 
 recruits, was speedily repaired by a profuse lather 
 of soap over the remaining crop, which, when 
 nearly cold, was well plastered with a thick coat 
 of flour ; a knife scraped the margin of the face 
 into the semblance of whiskers. Thus rendered 
 soldier-like, the cap was screwed upon the head of 
 the passive wearer, and then the barber's task was 
 done. A new shirt, never yet washed, and stiff as 
 buckram, a white cloth vest, white duck trowsers.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 269 
 
 and slop jacket, with just cuffs and collar to mark 
 the regiment, completed the toilet ; not forgetting 
 a stock of coarse black leather, of such unbending 
 inflexibility, that the blow of a sledge hammer 
 alone could reduce it to any degree of obedience. 
 
 All was now ready ; the bill paid, roll called — 
 *' All present. Sir," (except Fleming, discharged). 
 We were j ust setting off, when I recollected that 
 the return car would be most convenient for poor 
 Nanny and her father ; so satisfying the carman 
 for its use, at the moderate rate of two shillings 
 to Manor Rawdon, I sent it down the village to 
 the heroic girl, with my good wishes : that last 
 kind office done, I never saw her more.
 
 270 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 He made me mad 
 
 To see him shine so brisk, and smell so sweet, 
 And talk so like a waiting gentlewoman. 
 
 We marched at the most moderate pace, as I was 
 unwilhng that perspiration should defraud Mr. 
 Husho of those honors which he exhibited on the 
 whitewashed cheeks and heads of my new-clad 
 band. We were about two hours marching four 
 miles and a half. When arrived at a cross-road, 
 about half a mile from head-quarters, we saw in a 
 state of loitering repose a score, or perhaps thirty, 
 brother-soldiers, (if such a motley group ought 
 to be honoured with the name,) apparently waiting 
 our arrival. 
 
 My messenger of the morning then came for- 
 ward with a note from the captain-adjutant (the
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 271 
 
 most good-natured man that ever cracked a joke 
 or his cane on an awkward squad) to me, to say, 
 that as Ensio:n O'Resian was also on the march 
 with a batch of men from Mullingar, he (the 
 adjutant) had sent him orders to halt for me ; 
 and as our united parties, some forty or fifty men, 
 would cut a formidable appearance, he had sent 
 two drums and fifes, and one of the recruiting 
 flags, in order that we might march into town with 
 an imposing aspect. 
 
 The aforesaid Ensign O 'Regan (whom I after- 
 wards learned was not fool enough to stick to the 
 sword as a profession) was a fat, jolly-looking gen- 
 tleman of forty, who had already raised and sold, 
 for various regiments, some scores of men ; and 
 the bowld Captain O 'Regan and his tall swagger- 
 ing Serjeant, Jemmy Clanchy, were known in 
 every sheebeen from Mayo to Mullingar. To this 
 gentleman I made my salute ; and on asking the 
 date of his commission, in order to settle the order 
 of command, (what a command !) he most good- 
 humouredly replied, ** The devil receive the com- 
 mission I have ; only tell me where to go, and V\\ 
 do just as you please. I know nothing about ma- 
 noeuvring my men ; I only wish they were out of
 
 272 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 my hands." On requesting him to order his men 
 to fall in, he spoke to them in Irish, and they 
 soon formed in rank ; each man, or nearly each, 
 armed with a shillelagh in his hand, which it 
 would be much more agreeable to see than feel. 
 My spalpeens were absolutely crack guardsmen in 
 comparison to Captain O 'Regan's squad ; and 
 being all in regimentals, while only a sprinkhng 
 of red jackets were to be seen amongst his, the 
 post of honor was readily accorded : but to save all 
 jealousies as to command, we rode abreast in front 
 of our united party until we reached the town, 
 when we dismounted and marched sword in hand, 
 the drummers battering their sheep-skins most 
 furiously, while the fifers, whenever they could be 
 heard, gave " The girl that I left behind me,'' 
 with all the pathos their cracked shrill piploes 
 were capable of imparting. 
 
 A squat, cubical-formed, half-witted fellow, 
 called Shaun O'Neil, was honored with the charge 
 of the colours, which he waved from side to side, 
 as our party wound its way through the sinuosities 
 of this bustling market-town, exposed to the grins 
 of the whole population : and I really felt it a re- 
 Hef, when, escaping from the main street, we
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 273 
 
 scaled the steep and stony acclivity on which the 
 castle barracks are perched. 
 
 But a fresh mortification awaited me there. On 
 gaining the castle-gate, all the officers of the 
 regiment at head-quarters had assembled to be- 
 hold us. In front of the group stood the com- 
 manding officer, Major Muskerry; a soldier of six 
 week's standing, who, priding himself on this long 
 mihtary experience, assumed the character of a 
 merciless martinet. 
 
 He was the only son of Greneral and Lady 
 Louisa Muskerry ; and had been taken from a 
 boarding-school at Portarlington to join his here- 
 tofore peaceable papa, as aide-de-camp. Having 
 attained the rank of Captain before he knew 
 that he was in the army, he had just been pro- 
 moted to the majority of the *' Loyal Lehister.^' 
 
 The Major (yet a minor) was a handsome-faced 
 lady- 1 ike young gentleman ; and as he stood with 
 eye-glass in hand, counting our irregular paces, 
 my ears were regaled with the sounds of " Bad ! 
 very bad, indeed ! Captain Flank, let all these 
 fellows be sent to drill the moment they are 
 passed." 
 
 ** Certainly, Sir!" rephed the obsequious ad-
 
 274 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 jutant ; with about as much intention of inflicting 
 that misery on the poor devils as he had of cutting 
 their throats. But the vain capricious boy was to 
 lose his command the next day, when the senior 
 Major, an old officer, was expected to arrive ; 
 and honest Flank thought it perfectly orthodox to 
 make a show of obedience to the powers that be. 
 
 Greatly to my surprise, and still more to my 
 satisfaction, every one of my recruits were passed. 
 Shaun O'Neil, the most unpromising of the whole 
 batch, who the day before would have parted 
 with one of his fingers to ensure his rejection, 
 had, unluckily for him, been made the laughing- 
 stock of his comrades all that morning's march ; 
 and having been outrageously quizzed by them 
 when it came to his turn to undergo naked ex- 
 amination, being put on his mettle, he gave such 
 proofs of his muscular powers, that the surgeon, on 
 passing him, declared that, although rather cross- 
 inadci and unsightly as a soldier, he would make 
 the most valuable pioneer in the regiment : an 
 opinion which fixed on him the name of *^ Shaun 
 the Pinoneer^'^ ever after. 
 
 * Soldiers of the pld school always called corporal, corplar ; and 
 pioneers^ pinoneers.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 275 
 
 I obtained a receipt for my fourteen men ; but 
 unwilling to come in contact with the smock-faced 
 Major, I excused myself from dining at the mess, 
 (on the score of fatigue and indisposition,) and 
 after a slight repast marched off with my serjeant, 
 corporal, and the militia escort, for our last night's 
 stage, where we arrived betimes. 
 
 Having liberally regaled my red-coats, I retired 
 to rest, determined that the next day should see 
 me at the feet of her who was scarcely ever a 
 moment from my thoughts.
 
 276 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 O ! say, my Muse, what ills arise 
 From wily woman's coaxing eyes, 
 
 Warm, sensual, and free ! 
 And all their vain delusive speech, 
 Which art nor cunning cannot reach, 
 
 Nor wise experience see. 
 
 At five the next morning I was up and stirring. 
 I procured a fresh nag ; the distance to Temple- 
 more was forty long miles ; but love annihilates 
 time and space. My half-sobered but ev^r 
 attentive Mr. Husho had contrived to roll up in 
 my great coat a change or two of linen, and, in 
 valise fashion, he strapped it to the pad of my 
 saddle. Having despatched my party with the 
 necessary orders for their conduct, I gave the spur 
 to my steed and the reins to my imagination. It 
 had been much better if I had been more sparing 
 of the former, for the perverse brute, which at
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 277 
 
 first starting was very loth to budge, no sooner 
 felt the steel in her sides than off she set full 
 gallop over one of those rough and flinty roads 
 with which the country abounds, amidst the en- 
 couraging cheers of her owner and the loiterers at 
 the pot-house door ; but certainly to the extreme 
 alarm, if not danger, of her inexperienced rider. 
 This burst of spirit soon subsided ; but I feared to 
 renew the provocation to speed beyond the pres- 
 sure of my knees ; and all my caution was required 
 to preserve my due position on the saddle from 
 certain genuflective propensities, which left me 
 sprawling on the road two or three times in the 
 course of the morning. 
 
 After a variety of perilous tumbles and scram- 
 bles, before I had performed three-fourths of my 
 journey, I came to the philosophical determination 
 of walking the last ten miles ; the better to fortify 
 me for which I enjoyed a capacious dish of 
 rashers and eggs (not over-delicately prepared) ; 
 for love, all powerful as it was, had not taken 
 away my grosser appetite. With bridle on arm I 
 set off about six in the evening from the road- 
 side inn, where I had found entertainment for man
 
 278 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 and horse, dragging my unwilling beast after 
 me, which seemed constantly inclined to wheel 
 about and make for her native mountain. I 
 ventured once more to bestride her, and with 
 great caution reached Templemore without further 
 mischance, just as night was falling. As my route 
 did not touch upon the immediate vicinity of my 
 worthy friend's mansion, I had full time to put 
 myself to rights before I ventured into the pre- 
 sence of my beloved ; but that critical, long- 
 wished-for moment having arrived, my tremulous 
 hand could scarcely raise the brazen knocker to 
 give notice of my coming. 
 
 I had in the course of the day written on a scrap 
 of paper — 
 
 " If you would relieve the anxiety of a heart 
 which burns to reveal its wishes, contrive to see 
 me alone for a few moments ! Do not reject my 
 request, my prayer !" 
 
 This I held in my hand, and as I was admitted 
 into the house, I seized the welcome opportunity 
 which the obscurity of the hall afforded, and of 
 my charmer's approach to see who was their 
 visitor, to press the little paper into her kindly
 
 OR, THE SOLDIEU OF FORTUNE. 279 
 
 extended hand. She hesitated to accept it; but 
 on my saying, ** Take it, or I am lost," I closed her 
 hand upon it, and rushed into the parlour. 
 
 In the darkness visible I discerned the figures 
 of my friendly host, that of my stout fair one, and 
 of a third person, who appeared to be in the act 
 of taking leave as I entered, and by whose voice 
 I soon recognised my angling Esculapius. He 
 had passed the day there, and had waited for the 
 first glimpses of the moon to proceed homewards ; 
 this convenient darkness enabled me to receive, 
 with all the warmth it was offered, the fond 
 squeeze of the soft and velvet palm of the sub- 
 stantial beauty. I am not sure whether our 
 cheeks did not touch. I hated myself for the act ; 
 but the touch was electrical. But, O gracious 
 powers ! with what horror, with what astounding 
 stupefaction I heard the Doctor deliver his parting 
 compliments, I must leave my readers to conceive, 
 when I state that, in his adieus, I for the first 
 time discovered that the object of my adoration, 
 my Maria, the Maria ! of all others on earth the 
 most lovely and loveable, was Mrs. Thomas Tem- 
 phton, the wife of the worn-out debauchee, Mr. 
 Tom ; and the fat luxuriant beauty by my side
 
 280 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 the daughter of my host ! Fortunately the shades 
 of evening threw their deepest veil over my horror- 
 struck features ; and to the Doctor's loquacity on 
 ray own affairs, and my expected stay in that 
 part of the country, I was absolutely dumb, or 
 muttered out such 'Wague uncertain stuff" as 
 might fairly have authorised him to apply the 
 lancet. Imputing my embarrassment to certain 
 indications of mutual good-will between me and 
 Miss T., which even darkness could not conceal 
 from his all-watchful eye and ear, he said with his 
 good night — '* Well, well ! I'll soon see you 
 again ; and, if I mistake not, young gentleman, 
 we shall have many a day's fishing together." 
 Mr. Temple retired at the same time as the 
 Doctor, promising to return to us in an hour to 
 supper. 
 
 Left alone with MissT., the dreadful truth now 
 broke on my distracted mind in all its force. This, 
 then, is the woman, who, confiding in the since- 
 rity of my compliments, and something more than 
 words that passed on our first meeting, has com- 
 mitted the secret wishes of her heart to one so 
 worthless, so unsteady — now so wretched ! These 
 thoughts passed through my mind with the rapi-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 281 
 
 dityofthe lightning's flash. I made an instant 
 resolve (would to Heaven I had acted upon the 
 thought !) to affect illness, retire to the inn, and 
 at the morning's dawn withdraw for ever from 
 that cruel net which fate had laid for my entan- 
 glement. My silence, my cold and clammy hand, 
 my quick breathing, and deep-drawn sighs, seri- 
 ously alarmed Miss Temple. With an expression 
 of tenderness she led me down the flight of 
 steps into tlie garden, now illumined by the first 
 bright rays of the harvest moon ; where, half-sup- 
 ported by her, I tottered down the centre alley. 
 Her full and downy cheek, pressed closely to 
 mine, rallied back the warm tide of life which had 
 so lately ebbed. Arrived at the fishing-house, I 
 felt somewhat revived. To fly was to be saved — 
 to remain, perdition. I tarried and was lost ! 
 
 The town-hall clock struck ten ! We hurried 
 from the garden ; she with all her sex's devoted 
 fondness, I with that bitter sense of guilt which 
 stung our first parent ! On entering the parlour 
 1 beheld Mrs. Tom Temple, (cursed fate, that I 
 should so write it !) who rallied us on our long 
 ttte-a-tete ; and while a halo of bright loveliness
 
 282 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 seemed to play around her beautiful face, I felt 
 ten thousand pangs assail my graceless heart. 
 All that had passed within the last fatal hour 
 rushed on my mind in horrid rapidity ; but the 
 sight of her put to flight all thoughts of departure. 
 To breathe the same air ; to be allowed to hear 
 the murmuring accents of her sweet voice ; to 
 touch that soft and tender hand even in the for- 
 mality of a morning salute, were in themselves 
 degrees of happiness beyond my merits. But, O ! 
 the thought that all these beauties were thrown 
 away on one, 
 
 Who in that lovely form and angel mind 
 Should miss ten thousand beauties I could find ; 
 Who with low fancy should approach her charms. 
 While half enjoyed she sinks into his arms — 
 
 distracted and overwhelmed me. I became sud- 
 denly abstracted and dull. Fortunately the ex- 
 cuse of my having slept but little the night before, 
 and my unpleasant and tiresome journey of the 
 day, were admitted as some atonement for my 
 silence and stupidity ; and I hailed the signal for 
 repairing to my chamber as a temporary relief from 
 a state of absolute miseiy.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 283 
 
 I hardly expected to find that repose my spirits 
 SO much needed ; yet ^* kind Nature's sweet re- 
 storer, bahny sleep,'' threw her downy pinions 
 over my jaded senses, and the morning's sun was 
 hours in age ere I was made sensible that the 
 servant had been more than once in my room to 
 rouse me from the pillow. I found it half-past 
 eight. I then recollected having been apprised 
 the preceding night that breakfast would be on 
 the table at seven, and that I should then be in- 
 troduced to Mr. Tom ! I hardly attended to the 
 notice : the name was odious to me ; but the com- 
 municative servant informed me that Mister Tom, 
 accompanied by Doctor Splint, had left the house 
 about an hour before for Dublin, to attend a con- 
 sultation of physicians ; that the ladies were going 
 to Nutsford, with the master, on the jaunting car ; 
 and, moreover, there was to be a grand party at 
 dinner at Jive ! All this was indeed news to me ; 
 so I hurried forward my easy toilet, and was soon 
 in the breakfast parlour, assuming a degree of 
 gaiety to which my heart was a stranger. 
 
 One loved being of the family was absent ; and 
 my quivering lip was about to ask the dreaded
 
 284 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 question whether she too had departed for town, 
 when she suddenly entered to glad my almost 
 sinking heart. In her company I enjoyed a break- 
 fast which wanted nothing but peace of mind to ren- 
 der it delicious. I heard the father rally her on her 
 laziness, saying, ^* Tom had nearly given you the 
 slip this morning ; and, only I made him go into 
 your room to bid good-morrow to your nightcap, 
 he would have been off without receiving your and 
 Maria's commissions." My gratified ears drank 
 every syllable of this speech with delight, as it 
 gave me to understand that there was a separate 
 establishment in that department in which my un- 
 happy mind was most sensitive. 
 
 Breakfast being ended, we shortly after took 
 our seat on the jaunting car, or Irish vis-a-vis, as 
 it is called, where the company sit hack to hack. 
 Our driver was " The Boy,'' that is, the male 
 drudge of the house for all work. To equalise the 
 weight I was placed beside Miss Maria, while 
 " Mrs. Tom" sat beside the father. A car, such as 
 that we rode in, is not the most convenient of 
 vehicles for love-making. The tenderest senti- 
 ment is sometimes cut short or sadly disfigured
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 285 
 
 by a sudden jolt; and in those days there were 
 moments when a high- trotting horse, a springless 
 car, and a rough rocky road, reminded the tra- 
 veller that it was no joking matter. 
 
 The ladies, however, seemed quite at their ease, 
 and enjoyed my complaints. They sat perfectly 
 at their ease, yielding to the swings and jolts of 
 the vehicle — sitting free, as it is termed ; whilst I, 
 who had been accustomed to the C springed cars 
 of Dublin, or the less luxurious jingles of the 
 Black Rock road, held fast by hand, and pushed 
 firmly with my feet, to retain my seat, never 
 losing a single motion of the rattling carriage. 
 I was shaken to the centre. The luscious honey, 
 the raspberries and cream, and all the nice break- 
 fast fare, in which I had indulged, were already 
 in strange commotion ; and happy was I when 
 the opportunity for alighting saved me from 
 seeking the only relief my qualmish stomach 
 seemed susceptible of. 
 
 The original Irish jaunting-car, and springless 
 Spanish caleza, are abominations in their way : 
 the first is purgatory, the last perdition ! The nine 
 miles Irish, something more than eleven English, 
 to ]N utsford, were performed in less than an hour
 
 2S6 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 and a half; for the greater portion the route 
 lay over a road, in the formation of which un- 
 assisted Nature contributed (in the bare surface 
 of the lime-stone rock) more than half her share. 
 I seldom ventured on a compliment of the tongue, 
 and had not a hand to spare for a fond squeeze. 
 However, when once on terra firma, I endeavoured 
 to make up for my taciturnity. 
 
 The old gentleman had business at Nutsford 
 preparatory to the approaching assizes, and pro- 
 ceeding thereon to a brother of the law, left the 
 ladies to my care, with instructions to be at the 
 inn at the entrance of the town at two : ray fair 
 charge of course proposed to go shopping. 
 
 Nutsford was, in those days, and probably still 
 may be, what in England would be called a 
 dirty, wretched, and crowded town ; but in Ire- 
 land, where neither dirt nor over population are 
 deemed evils, it was called a smart one : and as- 
 suredly the flaunting airs and dresses of those 
 ladies who condescended to keep shops in those 
 pig-promenades called streets, would seem to 
 warrant the title. At one of these magazines of 
 fashion my fair friends made a call ; and I could 
 not but observe that before they ventured to ask
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 287 
 
 for any of the articles they came to purchase, 
 they seemed to feel it necessary to inquire for 
 every member of the family, and all the con- 
 nexions of the queen of the counter. This cere- 
 mony gone through, the object of the visit and 
 purchase was delicately hinted at. There was 
 no higgling, no attempt at reduction ; that would 
 have been considered an affront. Even the receipt 
 of the money seemed a vulgar habit, — *' it loould 
 he time enough at the assizes !'' but my ladies 
 paidj and I too, not to be behind, purchased a 
 pair of gloves, and black silk-handkerchief from 
 the modista, who, by the way, was a fine, tall, 
 showy, fair woman, (much over-dressed,) related 
 to half the gentry in the country, and twenty- 
 fifth cousin to Lord Bective and Squire Rowly ! 
 Her brother, who had been lieutenant in the 
 county militia, was then beating up for recruits 
 for a regiment of the line, into which he had 
 volunteered, and the lady's conversation was in- 
 terlarded with the expression, " Mi/ brother^ the 
 Captain,'' every minute. I saw this same brother 
 with his corps in the West Indies in 1797. The 
 yellow fever, new rum, and night pickets, had 
 by that time cleared his way to a majority; and
 
 288 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 '* full of strange oaths— jealous and quick in 
 quarrel," he was ready to cut the throat of any 
 one from whose lips, however innocently, the 
 word '* shop " happened to fall.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 289 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIL 
 
 But, oh ! what damned minutes tells he o'er 
 Who deals, yet doubts ; suspects, yet fondly loves. 
 
 A CIRCUMSTANCE occuried on our leaving the 
 magazine of fashion, which afforded me a long 
 tke-a-ttte with my heart's idol, although followed 
 by consequences which might have checked 
 my career of good or evil, ere yet the blossoms 
 of life had time to expand. 
 
 While I held a lady on each arm, we suddenly 
 encountered a former lover of Miss Temple'^, a 
 Lieutenant Arabin of the artillery; as fine a fellow 
 to behold as ever stormed the citadel of woman's 
 heart. His unexpected appearance threw my 
 lusty love into a state of confusion and dismay, 
 which, under existing circumstances, was but 
 
 VOL. 1. N
 
 290 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 too natural. She had just time to whisper, — 
 *' Don't leave me, dearest/' when the young artil- 
 leryman opened fire with a volley of compliments ; 
 and with a freedom which spoke the openness of 
 his nature, said, " Brother soldier, you are too 
 happy, and I am sure will not refuse me a share 
 of your happiness," at the same time gently taking 
 the hand of Miss Temple. The lady neither 
 granted nor refused the offer, but *^ looked un- 
 utterable things " at me, as the gallant lieutenant 
 limbered into line with her. 
 
 On resigning her arm, I could not avoid saying 
 something in the nature of a compliment to his 
 superior claims to the preference of the fair; for he 
 was in truth one of the handsomest men I had ever 
 seen, when Mrs. Maria cut short my speech by 
 requesting me to bestow some of my compliments 
 on them, who had been in vain watching for 
 them the whole of the morning. I felt the re- 
 buke, and hurried forward, pressing her yielding 
 hand in rapture to my throbbing heart. We 
 were ^oon a dozen yards in advance of Miss 
 Temple and the lieutenant. 
 
 The lucky opportunity which I had so ardently 
 longed for, so earnestly entreated, had now ar-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 291 
 
 rived ; yet I felt tongue-tied and bewildered ; 
 almost gasping for utterance, I at length found 
 words to implore her forgiveness for the liberty 
 I had taken the preceding night, yet I trembled 
 to proceed to a full explanation. An expression 
 of the most heart-thrilling tenderness passed 
 over her benign brow, when, retm-ning the pres- 
 sure of my hand, she rephed, ^^ Ask yourself 
 whether I forgive you — but can I forgive myself 
 for this confession ?" The icy spell which bound 
 my tongue in silence once broken, a torrent of 
 rapturous acknowlegements burst from my lips 
 on her too willing; ear. 
 
 Be not too severe, my most virtuous reader, on 
 the gentle Maria. She was but nineteen ! a child 
 of the sun, the widowed wife of a man for whom 
 she never felt the slightest affection, and of 
 one too who never sought to gain it by those 
 tender endearments which, even more than per- 
 sonal advantages, ^^ steal love's fetters o'er the 
 mind " of a gentle and susceptible being ! Her 
 sad story shall not be forgotten ; but at present 
 I must proceed in my walk with my interesting 
 partner. Having reached the skirts of the town,
 
 2^2 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 we turned into a green and shady lane, by pur- 
 suing the course of which for above a quarter 
 of a mile, we should re-enter it nearly at that 
 place where the car was ordered to be ready. 
 
 The second couple in love's country-dance, 
 though far behind, still held us in view : of course 
 in due time they would bend their way down this 
 secluded allee vert ; but in the interim we w^re 
 alone, and unobserved by all the world ! To repeat 
 all the rhapsodies which an amorous boy had 
 the folly to utter would go a great way to con- 
 sign my book from the side to the back of the 
 fire. Almost sinking with undefinable feelings, 
 the lovely creature heard me in blushing silence, 
 passively submitting to those mad caresses, which 
 in all thewildness of young rapture were tumultu- 
 ously bestowed. The dangerous kiss was for a 
 moment unresistingly received, not returned: 
 but one imploring look — for words were unutter- 
 able — one glance of fond reproach restored me 
 to my sense of duty and respect to //er, whose 
 existence seemed to depend on my honor and 
 forbearance. 
 
 To apologise for my ardor would but have
 
 OR, THE SOLDIEU OF FORTUNE. 293 
 
 called recollections of our mutual indiscretion ! 
 A few minutes brought the other pair of lovers in 
 sight : how they had employed their time I neither 
 knew nor cared ; it was sufficient that my heart 
 was brimful of happiness. When joined by our 
 friends, my air had become composed, and my 
 attentions bore no other character than those 
 of kind civility. 
 
 We all sauntered towards the rendezvous where 
 we were to meet papa ; but I could not fail to 
 remark to my Maria that the meeting between 
 Miss Temple and her gallant escort did not ap- 
 pear to have been a happy one : indignant re- 
 proach seemed seated on the soldier's brow, while 
 on the lady's I thought I could discern a storm 
 brewing against me. However, with spirits 
 buoyant and a lightened heart, I laughed and 
 talked, and sang scraps of song's to while away 
 the time, until the old gentleman's appearance 
 in the distance threw a new expression into the 
 countenances of three of the party. 
 
 The great gun seemed ready to go q^ without 
 a match ! Miss Temple to faint ; while the lovely 
 Maria, with an angel's smile, ran forward to meet
 
 294 
 
 the cause of this sudden alteration. As for me, 
 I stood in astonishment at this mysterious change. 
 The mystery however was subsequently cleared 
 up, and I am not so churlish as to deny my rea- 
 ders the gratification their curiosity pants for : 
 but all in good time. 
 
 An advance on both sides soon brought the 
 parties within speaking distance : but I observed a 
 severe and unusal frown overcast the brow of my 
 kind and hospitable host as he approached. My 
 peace-making beauty opened the conference by 
 saying, ^^ We have had the unexpected pleasure 
 of meeting Mr. Arabin in town • and he has ac- 
 companied us to pay his respects to you, papa." 
 Arabin pulled off his hat, and put out his hand 
 with such a smile of honest good-will, that it was 
 not in the old gentleman's nature to return the 
 salutation with chilling coldness. He, however, 
 rather reservedly replied, '^ O ! Mr. Arabin, 
 your most obedient ; — not gone abroad yet, Sir?'* 
 — *' No, Sir; I have been transferred 4o a new 
 battalion on promotion, and for which I am now 
 recruiting in the adjacent county ; and I was de- 
 termined — or I should say, hoped, to have been
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 295 
 
 allowed the pleasure of waiting on you at Tem- 
 plemore to pay my respects." 
 
 *' Umph !" muttered the father, " much ob- 
 liged to you, Mr. Arabin. Why, my dear girls, 
 you are late ; the horse has been to this half 
 hour ; what could have kept you ?" (looking with 
 suspicion at the lieutenant :) *^ but come, we must 
 now make- haste. What's the matter with you, 
 my darling child," (addressing Mrs. Maria,) ^' has 
 your little captain been making you laugh too 
 much?" She really looked faint and wan : her 
 mind was '^ ill at ease ;" the high-minded soldier, 
 who was nearly insensible to the coldness of his 
 reception, instantly offered to run to the end of 
 the lane for the car ; but she declined, only 
 accepting the aid of his arm, while with the 
 other she snatched that of her excellent father- 
 in-law. 
 
 I fell once more into (I had almost said) the em- 
 brace of Miss Temple, so closely did she link her 
 firm and fleshy arm within mine as we loitered in 
 the rear ; what had passed in advance we knew' 
 not ; but I felt sincere delight when I heard the 
 old gentleman say, '* We are to have a few
 
 296 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 friends at home to-day, Mr. Arabin, and will find 
 room for you (if not better engaged) at our 
 family dinner." He accepted the invitation with 
 evident satisfaction ; and having seen the party 
 mounted, he turned into the town for his horse. 
 
 We proceeded homewards at rather a more 
 sober pace than the outset, but in the same order 
 as before. Miss Maria affected to be love-sick 
 and sentimental, / to be jealous : we were both 
 hypocrites ! However, she extorted a promise 
 from me not to leave her side during the day ; a 
 promise which every circumstance combined to 
 render sacred. A cloak thrown over her shoul- 
 ders enabled me without obsei-vation to entwine 
 my arm round her beautiful waist : all angry 
 feelings, if indeed she really entertained any, had 
 fled from her warm bosom; and in the rash se- 
 curity of that ^' love which knows no fear," she 
 frequently advanced her pouting lips towards 
 mine ; when (as the demon of discord would have 
 it), at one of those amorous encounters, who 
 should appear riding like a fury up one of th^ 
 rough and craggy lanes that intersected our route, 
 but her ci-devant lover, the gallant heutenant !
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 297 
 
 Although he could not have seen the entire 
 movement, he saw enough to awaken his quick- 
 eyed jealousy, and render him miserable for the 
 remainder of the day. He scarcely replied to me 
 when I offered to exchange places, and ride the 
 few miles we had yet to travel. His fine manly 
 countenance was suffused with the blush of in- 
 dignation. Instead of feeling flattered, I was 
 deeply pained at the caprice which could with- 
 draw, even for a moment, my fair one's attention 
 from a perfectly handsome man, to lavish her 
 favors on a flimsy boy ! but the sex is made up 
 of contrarieties. Many years had not elapsed 
 ere I myself experienced a transitory pang, — the 
 bitterness of this caprice, and saw an apish, dan- 
 cing, dangling thing of a French boy of eighteen, 
 wearing rouge and ear-rings, drive half the young 
 ladies of Hampshire out of their senses to cap- 
 tivate him, and half the married ones to sacrifice 
 their husbands' honor to this apology for a man, 
 and shadow of a soldier ! 
 
 But little conversation passed until we reached 
 the house : we had but a short quarter of an hour 
 to prepare for appearing in the great parlour ;
 
 298 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 drawing-room was not the term in country towns 
 in those days. The heutenant was consigned to 
 my care, and to the room called mine^ for the visit 
 I led the way — what a perplexity !
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 299 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 Vou know your owu degrees ; sit down; 
 Froni fiiit to last, a hearty welcome ! 
 
 There is an ingenuousness in youth which seldom 
 fails to disarm resentment, and atone for error. 
 This young fellow of Herculean mould seemed 
 to feel ashamed of his suspicions, as he viewed 
 the striphng whom he suspected to have sup- 
 planted him ; for during the few minutes devoted 
 to ablution, brushing, and combing, he appeared 
 all kindness and confidence towards me. But on 
 entering the room where the assembled guests 
 were formally seated, awaiting the welcome sum- 
 mons to the dining-room, the cloud once more 
 overcast his fine features, as the lady of the house 
 took me by the hand (which, as a total stranger.
 
 300 THE STAFF OFFICER J 
 
 she was only bound to do,) and introduced me in- 
 dividually to all her female guests, some half 
 dozen, not one of whom was old or formal. There 
 were the wives of two militia captains from 
 the depths of Connaught, chanting (rather than 
 speaking out) their words in all the richness of 
 their native brogue ; the eldest daughter of a 
 reverend magistrate of the adjacent town, a 
 beauty, a blue-stocking, and an authoress ' Her 
 sister, a shrewd, sensible, but affectedly taciturn 
 girl, who aimed at eccentricity, gained the name, 
 but lost the chance of a husband. The fifth was 
 a buxom widow of five or six-and-thirty ; abound- 
 ing in local anecdote, and in which her deceased 
 husband (" my poor Mick/' as she was pleased 
 to term the defunct) generally figured as the 
 chief object of ridiculous recollections. She was 
 wealthy, and displayed her wealth as far as costly 
 trinkets could indicate it. With a fine face and 
 person, attired in the last month's Dublin (and 
 last year's London) fashions, she appeared dressed 
 up for a bidding, and impatient to be knocked 
 down ; the broom was evidently at the mast-head. 
 After my fair friend presented me to her, the 
 sunny-faced smiling widow whispered something
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 301 
 
 to her neighbour, the authoress, not, I imagined, 
 quite to my advantage ; and I subsequently heard 
 their whispering comparisons between the broad 
 shoulders, the handsome face, the portly height, 
 the femoral rotundity and muscular symmetry of 
 limb, of the six-foot lieutenant, and my slender 
 form and taper shanks; with some suppressed 
 titters at Miss Temple's taste. The sixth lady, 
 Mrs. Granby Hamilton, was the wife of a major 
 in the army, and brother to a certain proud 
 baronet (whose lady some years afterwards was 
 created peeress in her own right). The parents 
 of this very unaffected and amiable woman kept 
 an inn at Clareville, in Munster. 
 
 Captain Granby Hamilton, having been quar- 
 tered in that town for some months, became deeply 
 enamoured of her charms ; and having left no art 
 untried to gain her favor as a mistress, he paid 
 that homage to her virtue which, after his insult- 
 ing proposal, was but an honorable reparation. 
 He demanded her in marriage — was accepted — 
 became happy in a wife, but wretched in his pro- 
 fession and his family ! The match offended the 
 proud baronet ; who, having raised money by 
 mortgage to pay off h.s bi other's patrimonial por-
 
 302 THE STAFF OFFICER ; 
 
 tion, forbade him his mansion and society for ever. 
 He then purchased a majority in another regiment ; 
 but the story of his marriage followed him there 
 too ; and the contumely of his new associates, in- 
 ferior to him in every good and honorable feel- 
 ing, at length drove him from a profession, from 
 that society, to which he had ever been an honor, 
 and ultimately from life. He died in 1795. 
 
 From what I could perceive of the lady, she 
 fully justified his choice. Handsome as the 
 mother of six children could be, when I saw her 
 she was cheerful, yet mild and unassuming in 
 manners ; pleasing in conversation, in which the 
 gentlewoman shone in every thought and expres- 
 sion. She had been for years her husband's 
 pride, his solace — and, alas ! his sorrow : bat for 
 the adventitious circumstance of birth, she would 
 have been courted as an ornament to the highest 
 rank of society. Her eldest boy (whom she lived 
 to see a post-captain and a C. B.) was then at 
 the age of twelve, a pupil of the reverend gentle- 
 man whose daughters I have described, and to 
 her visit to whom my friend was indebted for the 
 pleasure of her company. 
 
 After my round of presentations Maria kept me
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 303 
 
 close to her side ; whilst the widow took an 
 opportunity to direct an inquiry to the gallant 
 lieutenant respecting some person she either didy 
 or pretended to, know in his regiment (or his 
 corpse^ as she pronounced it) ; to which he, with all 
 the attention due to the fair applicant, approached 
 her to reply. This was exactly what she wanted ; 
 for one inquiry led on to another, during which 
 she hemmed him in beyond all chance of retreat, 
 until the servant announced dinner ; when Mr. 
 Temple leading the way with Mrs. Major Hamil- 
 ton, he was followed by the lovely widow and her 
 robust recruit. The parson led out one of the 
 militia ladies, while the two captains, with due 
 esprit da corps, returned the compliment to his 
 daughters. A briefless barrister, whose voice was 
 known every where but in court, and who, as a 
 vocalist, was ever a welcome guest, preceded me 
 in charge of the other militia-woman ; while I, 
 with Miss Temple on my arm, brought up the rear. 
 In vain my eye for some moments wandered 
 in search of the angelic Maria. She was ab- 
 sent I Yet her chair was placed, and we had 
 already discussed the soup ere she appeared 
 trlidincr into the vacant chair. Never did human
 
 304 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 form look more divine : her morning ride, her 
 hurried toilet, and perhaps certain recollections, 
 threw an unusual tinge of colour over her soft 
 cheek. She was rallied by the widow on her 
 coquetry in making such an elaborate toilet, 
 though nothing could be more exquisitely delicate 
 and simple than her dress and coiffure ; and the 
 lady even ventured one of her vulgar jokes in 
 allusion to the absent Mr. Tom, ill-suited to the 
 delicate ears and sensitive heart of the unhappy 
 wife, ^' whose sorrows deep within her heart, 
 were buried." But her soul was one of gentle- 
 ness, and she " replied not." The philharmonic 
 counsellor was her next neighbour ] and, to do 
 him justice, he was equally attentive to her as 
 to the good things that liberally loaded the festive 
 board. 
 
 The dinner was beyond verbal praise : more 
 substantial homage was rendered to its merits ; it 
 was at once plentiful and elegant. All seemed 
 happy, save the agonised lieutenant, who, in spite 
 of the widow's wily caresses, never withdrew his 
 eyes from the lower part of the table, where Miss 
 Temple had fixed herself and me : when he made 
 the signal to drink wine with her, a look of de-
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF I'ORTUNE. 305 
 
 spair, blended with tender recollections, shot from 
 his flashing eye. 
 
 I burned to know the whole history of this love 
 affair, which I felt so little inclination to frustrate; 
 but that knowledge was only to come to me after 
 an ordeal, which, to say the least of it, was very 
 mienviable. The cloth removed, Pomona dis- 
 played her richest stores. Nothing could be more 
 exquisite than the dessert ; nothing on earth half 
 so good as the first specimen of Sneyd's claret, to 
 which the " health of the ladies'' gave an addi- 
 tional zest. 
 
 To think of withdrawing before they had a song 
 from the counsellor was a penance the ladies would 
 never have submitted to ; so, after doing homage 
 to '' King,'' '* Lord Howe," (then the lion of the 
 day,) " The Duke of York, and success to him," 
 our host issued his mandate, ex cathedra, for 
 ** Silence! a song from the Counsellor!" 
 One lady cried out, ** Ah ! Counsellor, * J II in 
 the Dozens;' " another, ' Sally in our Alley.' The 
 authoress (before whom the bag-man seemed to 
 quail) authoritatively demanded the * Streamlet 
 that flowed round her — *^ Silence, my dear
 
 184 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 ladies/' mildly interrupted the host, and all was 
 hiLshed. 
 
 The ' Streamlet' accordingly did flow in pleas- 
 ing^ measure from the harmonious throat of the 
 vocalist ; who, with a falsetto of wonderful powers 
 and extent, did ample justice to Incledon's well- 
 remembered cadences. A burst of thanks and 
 applause, with a general bumper to " Coun- 
 seller Earwig's health and song," (in which the 
 ladies joined,) rewarded the elated barrister for his 
 rich treat; who, in his turn, repaid the com- 
 pliment by volunteering one more song for the 
 ladies. '^ Ahl^' cried the widow, ^^ let it he a 
 long onej Counsellor, as I used to say to my 
 poor Mick." ' Black-eyed Susan' followed ; long 
 enough, Heaven knows, but not too long for such 
 a sweet and tuneful voice. This performed, the 
 ladies retired.
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTLiNE. 307 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 Though Bacclius may boast of his care-killiug bow], 
 And folly in thouglit-drowning revels delight, 
 Such worship, alas ! has no charm for the soul 
 When softer devotions the senses invite. 
 
 The pleasures of the table were, at all periods of 
 my life, those possessing the least attractions for 
 me, particularly after the ladies had withdrawn ; 
 so after a few rounds of grape-shot, and long be- 
 fore the sporting toasts'^ began to circulate, I 
 escaped from the banquet, and repaired to the 
 grand parlour. I entered abiuptly, (for in truth I 
 was but a novice,) and found only four of the fe- 
 males of the party assembled. These were the 
 two Manas, and the two young ladies, daughters 
 of the reverend and worshipful sovereign of Na- 
 
 * -My hinh /ox-hunting readers \«ill know what I mean.
 
 308 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 van : they, it seems, had been trying on my cap. 
 Now a more ridiculous, feminine, and altogether 
 unsoldier-like headpiece can hardly be imagined. 
 It was of beaver ; what is termed as a hat-cap, 
 without brims, having a regimental, or at that 
 period fanciful device in the front, which was 
 almost overshadowed by a plume of half-a-dozen 
 black ostrich feathers : thus making an approach 
 to the full-dress bonnet of the Highland regi- 
 ments, without its martial appearance. Above 
 the many-coloured gaudy recruiting cockade, a 
 light-blue hackle feather kept the plume within 
 bounds. On a manly personage it would cut a 
 ludicrous figure : on me it was perfectly in cha- 
 racter. 
 
 It having gone the rounds of the company, 
 I was lucky enough (query ?) to enter in time 
 to claim the privelege of a salute from the present 
 wearer, the younger Miss Allbright, the eccentric ; 
 and the united voices of the other three supported 
 my claim. She assented to it without much hesi- 
 tation ; and a sweet pretty-faced girl she was, if 
 her affected, precise, and pedantic airs did not 
 undo so much of Nature's kind handiwork. 
 
 Her elder sister was next pronounced debtor to
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 309 
 
 me in the same favor, which I sohcited with as 
 much assumed ardour as her pretensions looked 
 for. The married Maria was then pointed out as 
 the first offender, and one from whom I should 
 demand a double penalty. With a respectful de- 
 licacy, zchich she could not mistake, I approached 
 her to enforce the forfeit, and felt a geneml tre- 
 mor overpower my whole frame. The exquisite 
 modesty with which she submitted enhanced the 
 delight I felt at the blissful salute. Next came 
 my Dulcinea, who, with affected coyness, ran 
 away to a dark corner, to bestow as well as re- 
 ceive with more intensity the '* kiss that scorned the 
 eye of vulgar light.'' In the midst of this romp- 
 ing, the widow, followed by the three married 
 ladies, entered; and the cause being explained, the 
 widow, who, in her saunter in the garden, had de- 
 corated her head with dewy roses, seemed half- 
 inclined to try my mettle ! Neither of the militia- 
 women were very inviting ; and Mrs. G. Hamil- 
 ton's matronly quiet beauty, and perfect delicacy 
 of manners, formed a barrier against any such fa- 
 miliarity, even from a boy. 
 
 Determined, however, to have a fling at the 
 widow, I induced her to incur the forfeit, to
 
 310 THE STAFF OFFICER; 
 
 which she, nothing loth, submitted ; and after a 
 warm and lengthened homage to her laughing 
 lips, she pronounced me a '^ wicked little devil,' 
 and I became quite a favourite, until the re-ap- 
 pearance of the lieutenant threw me once more in 
 the shady side of the widow's favor. I was 
 played with as a toy for nearly an hour, during 
 which time we danced, three couple and a half, to 
 Miss Maria's music. « 
 
 At length the entrance of the gentlemen, (not 
 much the worse from the copious libations of the 
 lawyer's claret,) changed the scene. The chant- 
 ing counsellor seemed even improved in voice by 
 the lubricious virtues of '' Nat Sneyd's best." 
 Coffee and cards succeeded. But not all the up- 
 roarious jokes and warm attentions of the hand- 
 some widow could dispel the discontent that hung 
 on the brow of the lieutenant. He appeared to 
 have made good all his lost ground in the old 
 gentleman's favor, who, with a heart warmed by , 
 generous wine, and still more by the best feelings of 
 our nature, now called him" Ja//ies, "then ^^Jrahin,'' 
 without the chilling " Mister.'' No one appeared 
 more dehghted at this reconciliation than the 
 truly amiable and excellent Maria, the married ;
 
 OR, THE SOLDIER OF FORTUNE. 311 
 
 none less pleased than Maria the single, who 
 would scarcely deign him a moment's exclusive 
 conversation, of which he seemed anxiously de- 
 sirous. During our round game of Pope Joan 
 she conducted herself with great vivacity, and 
 indeed cleverness in doing the agreeable ; mak- 
 ing her guests pleased with themselves and with 
 the entertainer. 
 
 It was long past twelve o'clock ere the merry 
 party took their departure, lighted on their way 
 by the beams of a resplendent moon ; the widow 
 laying an embargo on the lieutenant as her 
 escort. 
 
 When once more left to my reflections, I felt 
 myself haunted by a sense of shame and remorse. 
 It is ever thus with first offences. I hardly closed 
 my eyes the whole night : indeed, the morning's 
 sun seemed to contend with the waning moon for 
 the empire of light, long before my jaded eyes 
 were closed in a brief and restless sleep. 
 
 END OF VOL. I. 
 
 PRINTED BY A. J. VALPY, RED LION COURT, FLEET STREET.