^i*h «*y^ ■ vi- ■t,-' ♦^ %: -► ^^-r ^'S^.r' »^-^^. -•i...* t^^ '^T>' B^^^f^s^ia L I E) RAFLY OF THE U N IVLRSITY or ILLI NOI5 823 &-nn.ksi.omJc~ LAND SHARKS SEA GULLS BY CAPTAIN GLASCOCK, R.N. AUTHOR OF " THE NAVAL SKETCH BOOK, "TALES OF A TA«,'' <3JC. N THREE VOLUMES. VOL. L LONDON : RICHARD BENTLt:\ NEW BURLINGTON STREET. 1838. I ! ]. AND SHARKS AND SEA GULLS BOOK I. WIFE-HUNTING VOL. I. I In the election of a wife, as in A project of war, to err but once, is To be undone for ever." MiDDLETON BOOK I. WIFE-HUNTING. CHAPTER I. " They have devised a mean How he her chamber- window will ascend. And with a corded ladder fetch her down. * * * * You may intercept him. But, good my lord, do it so cunningly. That my discovery be not aira'd at." Two Gentlemen of Verona. In a little pastoral nook on the side of a sharp acclivity, near Teignmouth, in Devon- shire, stood, between forty and fifty years ago, and perhaps stands there still, a pleasant man- sion, with its miniature park, its well stored grange, and neatly-kept pleasure grounds. This B 2 4 LAND SHARKS sequestered spot must have been a paradise during the reign of spring, or amidst the glories of summer^ or when the gorgeous plenitude of autumn makes glad the heart of man. But it is necessary now to view Ravenswood (such was the name it had borne more than a cen- tury) by the light of a waning moon in a night of winter, namely, in the month of February, 179-. The house was built in the old fantastic style of Elizabethan architecture. The embayed form of its latticed windows — its irregular front, broken into sundry projections — its little turrets — its many grotesque gables — its ponder- ous and lofty roof, and its numerous clustering chimney-tops, gave it a quaini; and romantic appearance, as it stood on the snow-covered ground in the slant moonshine. The edifice was almost surrounded by a shrubbery of ever- greens, which looked as luxuriant and leafy as in a more genial season ; for though there had been a heavy fall of snow in the early part of the night, it had been followed by a breeze AND SEA GULLS. 5 sufficiently strong to dislodge the flakes from the boughs. But the gusts had ceased for a while, and all around was now in deep silence. Tlie very- house, as the poet Wordsworth has said, would have seemed to sleep in the general hush of nature, had not the gleam of a taper been suddenly made manifest in one of the cham- ber ^vindows. At the appearance of this light, the figure of a man, muffled in a great coat, and bearing under his arm a slight load, stealthily emerged from the concealment of the shriabbery. As he gazed upwards, the figure of a female wrapped in a fur pelisse was discerned at the window, which being opened, the person below having untied his bundle, threw up a ladder of rope, to be caught above. Unfor- tunatelv, however, the unpractised hand of the lady who stood trembhng at the open lattice failed to catch it, and it fell to the ground. The attempt was made again and again ; but partly owing to the cause just mentioned, and 6 LAND SHARKS partly to the uncertain light afforded by the moon, which was ever and anon obscured by clouds as they were driven by sudden and fitful gusts of wind across the welkin, every trial was without success. " She '11 never be able to seize it ?' solilo- quised the person who stood below. " If I dared speak, I think I could instruct her how to catch the ladder. But all must be done in silence : a word might ruin us. What course can I adopt ? '' He looked about almost in despair. Every moment was precious. While he gazed, the bare branches of a fruit-tree trained against the wall of the house arrested his attention. The tree was evidently of many years' growth, and had spread its limbs high up the house. Close as these were to the wall, they might afford just sufficient lodgment for his feet, and for the grasp of his hands, to enable him to mount to the lady's window, and so fix his ladder. This was his only chance; and accordingly, hooking his arm between the AND SEA GULLS. 7 upper steps of the ladder, so that he might cany it with him, he commenced the ascent. The plant at first bore his weight well enough, but he had great difficulty in working his hands between the branches and the wall. Still he continued to mount, and had reached at least twenty feet from the ground, when, owing to the constant drag of his hands upon the branches, the tree became loosened from the nails, which had so long confined it to the wall, and began to sway outwards. The situa- tion of the climber at this moment was a most critical one. The lady at the window had been anxiously looking on the enterprise of her lover (for these poor midnight fugitives had plighted each other their troth), and saw the tree break from its fastenings. In a moment, bending more than half her figure over the sill of the window, and ^dth one hand clutching the frame for self-support, she held out the other for the succour of him in whose safety her own S LAND SHARKS existence was comprised. Her aid was just in time : an instant more^ and the tree^ over- balanced, would have precipitated its human load to the ground, and aroused the sleeping inmates of the house. The hand of the young lady was caught in that of her lover : by this means, the tree was again pressed to the wall ; the upper step of the rope-ladder was secured above^ and the young couple soon safely descended. '^ Thus far, all is well, God be praised !^' ejaculated the lover. '^ Your dear hand has saved my life." " My hand was vowed to you,'^ returned the lady. " Could I have withheld it, when you were in danger? Besides, had I not been clumsy ' '' '^ Nay, nay,^^ rephed Mr. Darcy (for such was the gentleman's name), " your tender hand could not be equal to what was required of it. But come, dearest, not a moment is to be lost. The post-chaise is as near as it was safe to AND SEA GULLS. 9 bring it to the house. I fear you will have to walk through the snow nearly a quarter of a mile. How inauspiciously the weather has turned out ! But, under all circumstances, our meeting could not be postponed." " I 'm not so susceptible of cold, as you imagine,'^ returned Miss Vernon. " The in- clemency of the night,^' she continued, as she and her companion threaded their way through the grounds, surrounding the house, " does not in the least annoy me. It is the malice of my cousin that I fear. Almost every servant in my uncle's house is a spy. Though, up to this point, I have escaped detection, I am not quite certain that my flight has not been suspected. Nothing can equal my cousin's cunning and perfidy. His machinations are inscrutable ; nor can any consideration turn him aside from his wicked doings, unless indeed it be the terror inspired by your arm.^' " I rejoice to think that any thing can re- strain him," replied Darcy ; " still I shall B 5 10 LAND SHARKS never deem we are safe, till we can reach Exeter/' The young couple soon arrived at the place where Darcy had ordered the chaise to await his coming. What was his dismay on findmg it was not there ! That it had left the inn at Teignmouth, and proceeded towards the appointed spot, he was certain ; nay, he had seen it, by the light of the moon, winding its way up the hill. To what cause could its absence be attributed ? " We are betrayed !" exclaimed Miss Vernon : " this is the work of my vile cousin.^' " Have you then any reason to suspect that your own maid is aware of your intention ?*' inquired Darcy. ^^ No ; besides, T have great reliance on her fidehty.^' " How then can your cousin suspect anything of our flight ?'' " I have already told you that his servants are spies. But the man most to be dreaded is AND SEA GULLS. 1 1 a London ruffian, who has lately come down here in the employment of my cousin on some secret business." "After all/' observed Darcy, '^your fears may be groundless. The driver may have missed the exact spot. Let us look for him.'' After searching about, in every possible place to which even the blundering of the post-boy could have conducted the vehicle, Darcy, con- cluding that some treachery had been perpe- trated, had no resource but to proceed with Miss Vernon on foot to Teignmouth. She would have dared any thing, rather than return to Ravenswood. " We are two miles from Teignmouth," said Darcy. " My heart bleeds to think you must walk thither, bitter and dismal as the night is. The snow on the ground may distress your feet, and perplex our path, but still I feel confident that I can guide you in safety." The young couple pursued their way over the snow-covered uplands, guided by the posi- tion of the trees, of which precise observations 12 LAND SHARKS had been previously taken by Darcy. A55 they journeyed along, the snow began again to fall; the petrifying north wind blew bleakly across the hill ; the night was wild and dreary^ and nothing but the strength of love could have sustained the fugitives in such a desolate hour. At length they began to descend the slope leading to Teignmouth. Miss Vernon was al- most lifeless with cold and fatigue at that savage hour; but her companion, supporting her upon his arm, cheered her with affectionate words, and in a short time they entered the outskirts of the town. The inn at which the post-chaise had been ordered was soon reached ; but the house, contrary to Darcy's expectation, seemed to be hermetically sealed. Some one, he imagined, would be sitting up to receive him, and account for the disappearance of the chaise. But all was quiet as the grave. Irritated at this, no less than at his previous disappointment, Darcy knocked loudly at the door of the house ; and in a minute or two, a AND SEA GULLS. 13 window- sash was lifted up, the head of a man. protruded, and the business of the visitor de- manded. " Why, surely," replied Darcy, '• you know well enough who I am. The chaise — where is it r Come down immediately.^' *^The chaise '.'' echoed the man: "why haven't you seen it, sir? It was sent accord- ing to order, — and left the yard at the appointed time." " Appointed time ! It was not to be found at the appointed place. Let me in without delay ; a lady is with me.'' The landlord soon appeared, and admitted the fugitives. " Bad business this, sir. If the man has made a blunder, he '11 be back here again soon. Pray walk in, sir. I '11 rouse my missus up: she'll soon light a fire, and get somut warm for the vouns^ lady. Bless us ! what a night !" " Do not let us wait here," whispered Miss Vernon to Darcy. " This man knows the 14 LAND SHARKS family at Ravenswood^ and therefore can hardly fail to recognise me.'^ " Have you no other chaise at hand^ land- lord }'' Darcy inquired. "No, sir/' " We have no choice/' said Darcy to Miss Vernon; "but must summon our utmost patience, and wait. Landlord," he continued, " had you not better send some one up the hill to look for the chaise ?" " Certainly, sir. I 've a stable-boy, who knows the road to Ravenswood well. He sleeps in the loft : I can soon rouse him up." " Do n't waken him,'' interrupted Miss Vernon, looking significantly at Darcy. "Why not, ma'am?" said the landlord. " They call poor Limping Ben a simpleton, but I can trust him on such an errand as this. Was n't the chaise to wait near Ravenswood, sir?" "Yes," returned Darcy. Then turning to Miss Vernon, he said aside, " I understood the purport of your look ; but, as the landlord says A.ND SEA GULLS. 15 the boy is only half-witted^ nothing is to be feared from him.'^ '^ Well, well, it must be so, I suppose/^ re- plied Miss Vernon ; " but I can place no reliance in the faith of any one about here/^ " My life on the landlord's sincerity/^ re- joined Darcy ; " I never was deceived in the looks of any man, and our host bears an honest countenance/' Boniface was not long in producing the boy, who entered the room with his master, gaping, rubbing his eyes, and looking with a vacant expression, as if he was neither awake nor asleep. " Come, drowsy," said the landlord, " rouse yourself. The gentleman here wants you to go up along the road to Ravenswood, and look out for Sam and the chaise as went that way according to order.'* The lad, staring hard at Miss Vernon, said, " Be I to bring the chaise back down along ?" ^^ Yes, sure," replied the landlord. ^^ What 16 LAND SHARKS are you staring at ? Stir your stumps^ and be off/^ ' ^^And here, my lad/^ said Mr. Darcy, ^^is a crown to help you along. '^ The boy eagerly clutched the coin. The taste of money is like the taste of blood : it begets a longing for more. Limping Ben was in reality a simpleton; but like all West- country louts, he had an eye to his own inter- est. Miss Vernon's features were not unfami- liar to him : he had often seen her in the grounds of Ravenswood ; and not being able to account, for her appearance at his master's house at so late an hour, his mind, stuj^id as it was, conceived that a little information to the squire at Ravenswood might add a guinea to the gentleman's crown. '^ Fasten up your house, landlord," said Darcy, " and bring us something in the way of refreshment. I believe you to be no party to the knavery practised on me. In this young lady and myself, you see two most persecuted individuals." AND SEA GULLS. 17 The landlady, by this time, had made her appearance. " Lord love 'ee. Miss, do ^ee take a drop of some 'ut to comfort ^ee. The cold to-night be enough to chiU ^ee to death. Let me make 'ee a nice glass of white wine negus.^' Repairing to the bar for this purpose, she whispered to her husband, '^ one ought to help the likes o' they; a handsomer couple I never zee. 'Twould be a thouzand pities to let the volks at Ravens- wood cross their bent.^' " They shan^t, if I can help it,^^ rejoined her husband. " I ^11 match 'em now. I never see a penny o' their money. The old squire, and the young 'un too, always goes to the Crown. Let 'em go there now. Be danged to 'em." In about an hour and a half " Limping Ben" returned, saying, "There baint no zign o' the chay to be zeed.'' The boy, manifesting great reluctance to be questioned, slunk oif abruptly to his bed in the loft. He had not long disappeared before the missing vehicle drove into the yard; and the 18 LAND SHARKS post-boy being summoned to the parlour to explain what he had been about^ declared that he had driven the couple to Exeter, according to order. "Why, how can that be?'' asked the landlord; "they are now here waiting for you/' " All I can zay, zur," said the post-boy, per- fectly puzzled, ^' is, that as I was waiting where I was told, at the top o' the hill leadin' down along to Ravenswood, a muffled-up chap comes up to the horse's head, and zays — ^ baint you,' zays he, ^ come up on zummut of a-run-away zort o' a job ? ' ^ I raither thinks I am,' zays I. ^ All right,' zays he ; ^ open the door. The young lady 's a-waiting at Teignmouth. Bowl away,' zays he. Off I dashes— takes him to the zkirt o' the town — out my genlemen lights, and in about o' quarter of an hour returns, li^ging along a young 'ooman, and forces her into the chay — for the poor thing was trem- bling like a leaf — and zeemed timmerzum, and loath to get in. But you know, master, it baint AND SEA GULLS. 19 the bisness of a post-boy to meddle in them matters.'^ '' What sort of people were they?^^ in- quired Darcy^ more than ever mystified. '^ Why, zur, when I comed to zee more o^ the man in the hall o' the White Hart at Exeter, I did think he didn't look quite the thing. He zeemed a shabby-genteel zort o' chap, zummet like a Lunnun zharper: but, then, zays I to myself, mayhap the dress be only to carry on the decoy. The young 'ooman tried all she could to hide her vace with her bonnet; but I once catches a glimpse of her, and I 'm danged if I don't think she baint no other nor one of old Mother Lazarus's daughters, az keeps the zlop-zhop in High Ztreet. Howsomever, we wasn't many mi- nutes at the White Hart at Exeter, afore they mounts on the top of the Tallyho, just as the coach was ztarting off for Lunnun." " Did the man offer to pay for the chaise V inquired the landlord. 20 LAND SHARKS " No, zure. He zaid 'twas all zettled ; and you, master, zaid the zame/' ^^ We ^re bamboozled, reg'larly bit \" ex- claimed the landlord. " Never mind, sir ; luckily I Ve a pair of fresh horses in the stable, and they shall instantly be put to. Sam, you can take the chaise on to Exeter ?'^ '^ What, directly, master ? It 's raither tightish work." ^^ Do your best, my lad,^^ interposed Darcy. " I ^11 reward you well for any extra exer- tion." The horses were now put to. The post-boy refreshed himself with a glass of hot liquor, and all was ready. " The chaise is at the door, sir,'^ announced the landlord, returning to the parlour. " Come, dearest," said Darcy, addressing Miss Vernon ; '^ our misery will soon be at an end. Come." As they were leaving the room, a gentle- man, followed by a groom, suddenly came up. AND SEA GULLS. 21 The former, assuming an air of command over Miss Vernon, expressed a determination to convey her back to her uncle^s house. "By what right, sir," asked Mr. Darcy, '• do you presume to follow me, and attempt to coerce this lady r" " Bv the right which a relative possesses over her." A contemptuous smile curled Darcy's lip. "The young lady,^' said he, " disclaims you, witli scorn: she is of age, and her own mistress. You have not a shadow of authority over her, and I will punish the slightest attempt to ex- ercise it." " Your talk is large enough," rejoined the intruder, " whatever your possessions may be. But you must suffer me to know best what is due both to this lady and to her family. She shall not elope with an Irish pauper.^^ Darcy's wrath was now kindled. Had not the lady been present, a blow would speedily have avenged the insult. As it was, he contented himself with promptly ejecting 22 LAND SHARKS from the room his insolent defamer, whom he followed into the passage. A scuffle now ensued. Both master and man flew on Darcy. This was too much for the landlord's sense of fair play. " Hallo !'^ exclaimed Boniface, ^^ two upon one is agen all manner o^ rule. It shall never be said that I stood by and see it. No, no — dang it, that ^ill never do f and laying a rough grasp upon the groom, he drew him off, leaving Darcy to dispose of the other. During the whole fracas, the post-boy re- mained mounted. Seeing this, Darcy called aloud to Miss Vernon to enter the chaise, which she immediately did without molesta- tion ; Boniface keeping firm hold of the groom, and Darcy depriving the gentleman of the power of motion. As soon as the lady was seated, her lover threw off his antagonist, sprung to her side, closed the door of the vehicle, and the post- boy, clapping spurs to his horse, drove off at a rapid rate. AND SEA GULLS. 23 " Curses on him !" ejaculated the intruder. " But I ^11 not be thus foiled ! I ^11 pursue him through the earth. It is in my power to blast his name, if not drag him to the scaffold. O, that I could have secured her from his power ! And so I should have done, had Bobson been with me, according to promise. That scoun- drePs absence has ruined all. He thinks more of his own than of my affairs; otherwise I should not have been indebted to that lame simpleton for my knowledge of what was going on to-night. Where are the horses, Robert V " Under the outer shed, sir,'^ answered the groom. " Quick ! Let us mount, and pursue the run-aways. We shall overtake the chaise in a few minutes. I won't lose sight of them again," said he to himself. " A magistrate's warrant may stop the operations of Mother Church, and then, my dainty cousin, once more for Ravenswood.'^ The fugitives in the chaise were beginning to congratulate each other on their present 24 LAND SHARKS exemption from danger, when the rapid tramp of horses feet broke suddenly on their ear. " We are pursued V exclaimed Miss Vernon. " It matters not/^ returned Darcy. '^ You can defy your cousin's utmost malice.^^ " Alas ! you do not know him, as I do." '' Hark !'^ exclaimed Darcy : " one of the horses has stumbled. I heard the fall. They have stopped." The sounds of pursuit were no longer heard. The hoof of the horse ridden by Miss Vernon's pursuer, having become what is technically termed "balled^' by the snow, the animal, being at full trot, made a false step, fell on his knees, and threw his rider over his head. Reining up, the groom soon dismounted, and flew to the assistance of his master, whom he found senseless from the fall. Mr. Darcy and Miss Vernon reached Exeter in little time ; were married on the following morning by special licence, and without the least delay posted on to London. AND SEA GULLS. 25 CHAPTER II. " Amidst this tumult offish, flesh, and fowl. And vegetables all in masquerade. The guests were placed according to their roll. But various as the various meats display'd." BVROX. Abo IT the time occupied by the foregoing- incidents, there hved in London a man learned in the law though very z/«learned in other mat- ters. He was even* inch of him what is called •• a character^' and, inasmuch as he was in no slight degree influential in bringing about many of the events in the present history, it will be necessary at once to introduce him to the reader. Walter Waddy was the son of a very worthy VOL. I. c 26 LAND SHARKS personage, who, for forty years, had rejoiced in the interesting and profitable calling of sherifF^s officer in the county of Middlesex. Fortune had long favoured this well-known ^^ Son of Agrippa/' He was lord of his own "Lock up^' — was " blest/' as he was wont to phrase it, " with the best business in Lunnun — had always an ouseiull " — a constant succession of customers — and ultimately was enabled to " put by a bit o^ money/' and to foster certain parental hopes which had been encouraged by his bitter half ; who, if the truth must be told, was prouder of her boy than of her spouse. Mrs. Waddy saw in her hopeful scion, especially when he re- turned home in the holidays laden with the knowledge inculcated in the suburban " esta- blishments for young gentlemen," a spirit congenial with the family from which she had herself sprung, and she had been known more than once to throw out sundry pathetic lament- ations that children did not take the family name of the mother, rather than that of the father: '^Watty,'^ she often thought to herself, AND SEA GULLS. 27 " was worthy of being a Gubbins in name, be- cause he was a Gubbins in nature." ^'^Mr. Waddy the H officer/^ as his professional friends dubbed him, had long entertained his own views in regard to his son. Walter, in his opinion, was born to do honour to the eupho- nous name of Waddy. In the pertness and cunning, which the father dignified by the names of spirit and intelligence, of the youth, the " Hofficer " recognised a true descendant of his own line ; he wondered, indeed, how it had come to pass, that the genuine Waddy l)lood had not been polluted by admixture with the Gubbinses ; but its predominance was only another proof of the commanding nature of the l)lood of the Waddies. Be this as it may, the " Hofficer '^ had long indulged in the flattering and ambitious belief, that Walter was destined to take a conspicuous lead " in the upper valks of the law." In short, the bailiiFs son was booked for the bar. It would be a tedious and uninteresting task to detail the initiatory course undergone by C 2 28 LAND SHARKS Mr. Walter Waddy^ preparatory to the ^' said Walter '^ being called to the British bar : — suf- fice it to say, he had been schooled, flogged, '' fagged/' and boarded at Wimbledon— cut, on his father's account, by the Fellow Commoners at Cambridge, — had '^ kept his terms '' at theTem- ple, though on terms with none of the students, — "ate his dinners,^' — devoured "Coke upon Lyttleton,'^ — digested the several " Digests " of the day, — pored over the Statutes of the State, — practised " draughting" deeds, settle- ments, and separations, — taken lessons in elo- cution from a popular tragedian, — shut himself up in chambers, — shunned society, — studied everything but "men and manners," and neg- lected the common courtesies received and exchanged in civihsed life. In short, when the counsellor was called to the bar, and had commenced the Northern Circuit, he was not only the most morose of men, but the most insuiferable ; being licensed to brow-beat man, pervert truth, and insult sense, under shelter of the gown, or " wisdom of the wig." In vul- AND SEA GULLS. -•> gar parlance, he had not '• a good word for a dog/' unless that dog could " scent a solici- tor," " point to a retainer," or " bag a brief." Time, however, rolled on ; and, if Mr. Wal- ter Waddy wasted not time, time wasted Mr. Walter Waddy; for at thirty-five, his tiftl\ year of les^al life, he wore the aspect of a man who had fallen into the vale of years. His forehead was furrowed, the lines of his face deeply indented ; his complexion, which M-as naturally sallow, became the more dark and discoloured by the constant insertion of snufF into the gaping nostrils of a nose tiu-ned up at an ansfle of fifteen dcGTees from tlie facial line — an organ alvavs inclined to be above its business — giving itself airs in the air — '* play- ing before high lieaven " the most fantastic tricks, and for ever cutting the most lofty, ludicrous, and novel of nasal capers. His eyes, when one could sufficiently fix them to discern their colour, were of hazel hue, but unfortunately they were restless in their sockets, perpetually in motion, and perpetu- 30 LAND SHARKS ally^ like the Portuguese troops on both banks of the Douro, keeping up a constant and use- less " cross-fire '^ in an undue direction. In plain English, his obliquity of vision was aw- fully fierce. Ilis teeth, by some unaccountable frolic of nature, were beautifully white^ well set, and harmonised admirably with their snuflF- coloured curtains; and upon every occasion, whether of mastication or altercation, were sure to be shewn. In his hair he wore powder, and sported a " queue/' which^, like the '' taW of the present day, sliding into snug situations, was perpetually^ despite of the efforts of the head^ twisting and thrusting itself between the back of the barrister and collar of his coat. His customary attire consisted of a black, thread-bare coat, crusted not a little on the collar with a plentiful allowance of pomatum and powder. A white stock, narrowly plaited, enfolded his thin neck. " Short tights'' of black kerseymere, and " long continuations " of polished leather, encased his '^ nether limbs ;" and, when in ^'^ walking trim," or "off for the AND SEA GULLS. 31 Courts,'^ a broad-brimmed beaver, with a band of unusual breadth, covered his powdered head, while from his right-hand dangled a coarse mo- reen blue-coloured bag, which, when briefs were scarce, contained anything but legal or legitimate contents. The person, gait, and gaiters of the " said " Waddy were not calculated, as the reader may readily imagine, to ensure him a favourable or flattering reception from the " softer sex." In- deed, when proceeding on foot from the " Tem- ple " to the courts, and vice versa, his ears were constantly assailed by remarks from female lips, which were by no means likely to add to his self-complacency. But the wily widow of the " hofficer " was still in being. Former asso- ciations haunted her mind, and such were her predilections for bonds and bondage, that she determined, by a nuptial knot, to fetter the fate of her '' bachelor boy." In fact, the mother had resolved to settle her son — " to see him married, and married well, to some wealthy widow." 3^ LAND SHARKS But in the attainment of this object there were obstacles to contend with, which poor Mrs. Waddy well knew ; for the baihiFs rehct was fully aware^ that the widows of wealthy men were not to be found in " chambers/^ or picked up en route from Fleet Street to Westminster Hall. " As a worn an /^ as she was wont to argue with her son — " as a woman as knowed somet of the ways of the worlds and all the little ins and outs of life, there was never nothing to ])e done by remaining single. What would the counsellor's father have done had he led a single life? How would the tap have told, and what would he have done without a wife to comfort his customers and to carry on the in-door business when business took him on his walks without ? '^ Although in her first efforts the pleadings of the parent had failed in effect^ and the filial " rejoinders put in " had produced " an ar- rest of judgment," still the counsellor was not so bigoted in favour of " single blessed- AND SEA GULLS. 33 ness," as to forego a favourable chance of falling on a double dowry. The barrister at length yielding to maternal counsel thought to bestir himself; and now commenced, as he termed it, " a regular routine of raking life " — namely, dining at his oivn ex- pense, two Sundays in the month, at a board- ing house in the parish of Bloomsbury. At this celebrated asylum for single and singular folk, there happened to dwell a ^^^dow of comfortable capacity. In her own person there were elements sufficient for the formation of a tolerable tea part}'. The widow of weight was also a widow of wealth. Her dear de- ceased, formerly a rich sugar baker in Bristol, having, to keep her from pining, bequeathed to her the entire of his funded property. The first opportunity^ afforded to the barris- ter to " bring his optics to bear " upon the " Lady of the Lvmp^' as designated by her sourer associates, happened to be on the se- cond occasion of accepting his own invitation to dine at the above-mentioned establishment. c 5 34 LAND SHARKS When the company^ which consisted of seventeen persons, — " persons of every de- gree/' — had descended to the dining-room, Waddy waited until the widow with the wherewithal had taken her seat; when, to further his purpose, he instantly, as sailors say, " brought his person to an anchor abreast of his bird/^ This position had been purposely sought, to provoke, if possible, an ocular dis- course ; for it must be borne in mind that, although Waddy was a Templar and tenant of the Temple, he " had not those soft parts of conversation That chamherers have." Moreover, in his opinion, the language of the eyes was more expressive and telling than the " tender tongue ^' ; and therefore, to em- ploy a vulgar but expressive phrase, soup had hardly been served, ere "sheep's eyes " (wolves' eyes had been nearer the mark) went to work with energetic force ; but as usual with Waddy, the " cast " had crossed the intent, and foiled the fire. AND SEA GULLS. 35 •^^ Counsellor Waddy/^ said a gruff, grey- headed, vulgar-looking, superannuated button- maker from Birmingham, who sat on the right of the lady president — the head of the house — " Counsellor, will you jme Mistress Martin and me in a glass of wine ? camng, you see, sir, 's warm work for the lady/' To all other eyes, save those of the lawyer, intent on warmer work, the remark was super- fluous. The heated condition of the carver afforded the proof personal, as well as the proof positive. Mrs. Martin never permitted her " joints," her " edge-bones," and particu- larly her " rounds" and her " sir-loins," to be touched by other hands than her own. The button-makers invitation was repeated ; for, unlike his eyes, the ears of the lawyer were not " on the cock." " I do n't care if I do, sir,'^ returned Waddy, catching the sound of the second in\'itation, and filling his glass from the labelled bottle which lay upon his left. " Thomas," cried the law^^er's next neigh- 36 LAND SHARKS hour — "part owner" of the labelled bottle from which Waddy had helped himself in his utter ignorance of the principles upon which domestic economy was conducted under Mrs. Martin's roof — " Thomas, — remove that bottle to the side-board until called for/^ The domestic obeyed the mandate. As Waddy was the ^' lion '^ of the table, a second invitation to ^' take wine " soon followed the first. Here Thomas was seen to whisper Waddy, who in reply ejaculated aloud, " Be it so — place one here, and another bottle before the lady opposite — the stont lady." " Oh ! dear, sir,'^ returned the widow, " I never indulge in wine.'^ '^'^ Glad to hear it, ma'am, — live all the longer for it.'^ And these were the only words which during dinner, Waddy had interchanged with the " stout lady.'' The " table talk,'' after the ladies had retired AND SEA GULLS. 3? to the drawing-room, was chiefly confined to critical discussions upon port-wine, players, and petticoats. One party had contended that, to his palate, port-wine partook of a better flavor* the second day than the first, when allowed to remain in the bottle. Another, that the " Richard^' of Kemble was perfect farce com- pared with the ''Richard" of Cooke; — and another, after descanting upon the merits of the widow, came to the generous conclusion that '' short petticoats seldom betokened purity of purpose." But in all these discussions^ Waddy remained doggedly and sullenly mute. The lawyer had already left the gentlemen to "join the ladies aloft." Upon entering the drawing-room in a cogitating mood, he again planted himself opposite to the widow, who oc- cupied no small portion of the sofa allotted to the ladies, — for in this superexcellent esta- blishment, domestic matters were managed upon the singular system of separation — sepa- rate "pegs^* were assigned in the hall, for the 38 LAND SHARKS '' gentlemen^s hats '^ — sej^arate " pins " for the " ladies ' cloaks/' — The ladies in the drawing- room had their separate sofas, and the gentle- men in the parlour their separate bottles. In short, to enumerate the sundry articles of " se- paration/' and separate et-ceteras, contained in Mrs. Martin's catalogue of "separate uses" would occupy a separate Chapter, which a Ro- bins alone could attempt to write. The last of the parlour-party had not long returned to the ladies ere a middle-aged Ger- man gentleman entered the room, a ci-devant acquaintance of the lady^s late husband. It was the foreigner's first appearance in the character of guest to the widow of his former friend. After making his obeisance to each and all seated in the vicinity of the hissing urn, he approached the portly person of the fair widow^, to render her that little light-hearted though not inelegant homage, which invariably our continental neighbours offer to their female acquaintances when joining or departing their AND SEA GULLS. 39 presence : her hand was yielded with the smihng good temper which marked all her actions, and the German elevated it to his lips. This salute was not lost upon the lawyer, who viewing it, as he did every thing else, in a false Hght, rose indignantly from his seat, and instantly departed the room — muttering to himself as he descended the drawing-room stairs, " d d unwarrantable piece of imper- tinence ! " 40 LAND SHARKS CHAPTER in. " A villanous trick of thine eye." Henry IV. " She thought upon the subject twice or thrice. And morally decided, the best state is For morals, marriage ; and this question carried. She seriously advised him to get married." Byron. Waddy had now reached the Temple. His walk and walking reflections had contributed little to cool his warmth or allay his wrath. '^ That woman/^ said he, throwing his hat upon the table, and closing the door of his inner apartment, '^ that woman, by Heavens^ must be blind ! No man could have made stronger or more striking advances than I did AND SEA GULLS. 41 this day at dinner. My eyes were fairly rivet- ed on hers. If ever eyes told the intentions of man^ mine were as plainly and intelligibly told to that widow woman as tongue could tell. She 's positively a puzzle. Can 't under- stand her at alL She either aifects shyness, or is decidedly the slowest of her sex ; and yet, she has a fine face — eyes that flash hke hght- ning. And sometimes, too, she looks such a feather-bed, laughing lump of unsophisticated feminality, that I ^m quite at a loss to divine her drift. But perhaps my mother, who searches the human heart like calomel the liver, may throw a little light upon the widow's ways." Waddy was Uttle of a physiognomist. Nor were his deductions touching the widow's dis- inclination to respond to his ocular signs well founded. The gentleman, in his soliloquy, was not only reasoning from false premises, but also had arrived at conclusions which involved alike a libel on the lady and a libel on his own looks. Had his vanity permitted him to de- 42 LAND SHARKS pend less upon his own impressions^, or, indeed, had he even called to his recollection certain rhetorical rules (to say nothing of logic), he would soon have seen, that the construction he had put upon the lady^s slights had come under that " clause'^ which adepts in the art, and students of style denominate the ^'^ squinting construction.'^ * His eyes dur- ing dinner had never once lit upon those of the widow ; on the contrary, they had been caught by those of a Tartar, seated two removes on the left of the intended object, and who, in her own defence, had been com- * " The squinting construction," says Campbell, in his Philosophy of Rhetoric, " is, when a clause is so situated in a sentence that we are at a loss to ascertain whether it be connected with the words which precede or follow it, thus : ' As it is necessary to have the head clear as well as the complexion, to be perfect in this part of learning, I rarely mix with the men, but frequent the tables of the ladies.' Whether to be perfect," adds Campbell, " in this part of learning, is it necessary to have the head clear as well as the complexion — or, to be perfect in this part of learning, does he rarely mingle with the men, but frequent the tea tables of the ladies ? Whichever of these be the sense, the words ought to have been otherwise arranged." AND SEA GULLS. 43 pelled to resort to the most significant of facial signs, in return to the gentleman^s unceasing and tormenting " telegraph.'^ In fact, the ''false flashes " of the lawyer were felt by the spare spinster on the widow's left to be indecently oifensive,and were answered in a man- ner which appeared to more than one tittering observer, as if '• the lady in the pink popUn " had been mocking the barrister's nasal tricks. Every wdnk and blink intended for the eye of the fat fair was met by the most contemp- tuous and indignant cock of the nose of the leaner lady. This shews that our naval forefathers " had their eyes about them," when they caused to be inserted in the Ge- neral Code of Sea-Signals that significant purport — " Signal seen, but not understood." And so it was in this instance. The tele- graphic features of each party had been playing at cross purposes. On one side, a store of vir- tuous indismation had been vented in vain. 'H LAND SHARKS and on the other, the grossest of unlicensed looks was as vainly and as extravagantly ex- pended. Waddy now consulted his experienced mo- ther, who, according to the summons of the son, appeared at chambers early on the fol- lowing day. The case was soon opened, and discussed. In " summing up " the mother came to the en- couraging conclusion, that the widow's coyness was not coolness — that, on the contrary, it looked well ; for she well knew, that the more distant widows were at first, the sooner they meant matters to come to a close. Unpractised in the wiles of woman, this con- fession from one versed so well in all the mys- terious contradictions and paradoxical passions inherent in her sex, was in itself sufficient to determine the lawyer to press his suit. "To-morrow, mother, or the day after at farthest,'^ said Waddy, " decides the matter.^' ^' To-morrow ! Watty :- -why such haste ? '^ AND SEA GULLS. 45 " Can't help it, mother — time presses, and in these, as well as other matters, time should be taken by the forelock.'^ " Forelock ! Lord love you — you're not in the lock-up now. Recollect, Watty, women must be timed, like other things — and particu- larly ^-idows with the wherewithal. Widows, of all women, like their little courtships. Now there was your poor dear father: /was a young widow when he courted me — but / was not to be won in a week, and he saw that — and saw it soon.'' " Did he indeed ?" •^ He did, indeed!" '^ Well, mother, I had often heard that fore- sight was my father's forte." "I don't know what you call your father's forte," returned the loquacious dame, glancing at her son one of her penetrating looks ; " but I know this, no man ever tickled the ear of woman with a nicer set of soft sayings." " Hem ! " said Waddy, aside. ^' And then," continued the old woman, 46 LAND SHARKS '• he had such insinivating tender ways. — If I only scratched my finger with a pin's point, there was fly out of the house for a shp of court plaister." ^' And yet, mother, he was not much of a com^f plaisterer." " Yes, but Watty — as poor Mrs. Warner used to say — he was very dehcate in his httle attentions — he had always some little present to oifer, or some little token to shew that I never was out of his mind." '^ Well, my dear mother," interrupted Waddy, " there 's no use in wasting words : you must be well aware that my father's pur- suits, tastes, and inclinations ever ran counter to mine." '^How ca7i you say so, Watty? Look at me straight in the face — why, you're the very model of the old gentleman. There 's the same roguish eye — the same insinuating slant that won your mother's heart — ay, your mother's heart, you dog." " I hope, mother, you don't mean to insi- AND SEA GULLS. 4/ nuate,'^ said Waddy, who, singular to say, was ever unconscious of his owtl obhquity of vision — •• I hope you do n't mean to insinuate that / inherit his hated squint ?" " Squint I — why, Lord love you, Watty, have you already forgotten your father's face?" " 'Twas my lot to see it seldom/' said Waddy, assuming a serious tone. '^ And well for Watty 't was so,'^ returned the argumentative mother. — " If others could have said the same, Watty would n't be what he now is. — No, no, your father knew what was what — and, more, he knew how to carry on a courtship ; and if his son would only follow his winning ways — tf.ke his time, and time things — he 'd win the widow with all her wealth." ^^ Mother," said Waddy, with marked emphasis — '* Mother, a man who is all day long in the courts has little time to be court- ing at night. Moreover, I hold courting to be the most tedious and unprofitable waste of a lawyer's leisure. Winning wealth is all very 48 LAND SHARKS well in its way ; but, to me^ wooing woman is the very devil !'^ accompanying the delivery of the Satanic title with a thump of the table that fairly astounded his aged auditor. " And as for soft sayings, as you term them — what are they ? the mere mumblings of a world of wordy nothings. And what are your tender doings ? — what, but affecting, in nine cases out of ten, to feel for an unfeeling lump of affectation. And, if your delicate attentions consist in having presents returned on your hands, with the hand rejected, why then, the devil take all such delicate attentions, say I. — So now, mother, I hope you ^11 allow me to follow my own course." And here the barrister took his hat, and left his astounded mother to ponder on her son'3 unaccountable disinclination to courtship. AND SEA GULLS. 49 CHAPTER IV. " All 's not offence that indiscretion finds." King Lear. " A mighty pretty quarrel as it stands." The Rivals. Had Waddy been the son of a naval officer instead of the son of a sherifTs officer, he would have known what it was to aspire to the title, or rather ^^ rating,'' of a Widow's Man*. He would have known, too, that coarse innuendo, vain vapouring, and petulant impatience would never obtain for the candi- * The uninitiated will do well to refer to their naval friends for the definition of this " rating." VOL. I. D 50 LAND SHARKS date the enviable rating on the books of a wealthy weeper. Not that Mrs. Hunter (for that was the name of the sugar-baker's widow) ever indulged in the " melting-mood.'^ A mer- rier soul never mourned mate^ — survived grief, nor fattened upon fun. Although little calculated to grace a court, figure in a curricle, or shine as the fantastic and frivolous votary of fashion, still the ^^ Lady of the Lump " was not deficient in the vulgar and valuable attribute of '' common sense." — No woman set a truer estimate upon her own charms ; no woman sooner detected the sinister designs of selfish men, or more dehghted to indulge in the innocent mirth of bantering the mercenary admirer. Waddy had already found that it was not so easy to " hurry matters with the widow." Since his vaunted declaration to his mother, twice had he sought and obtained of Mrs, Hunter a private " hearing ; " but upon each occasion " exceptions were taken,'^ which had not a little tended to cool his courage. — Indeed, AND SEA GULLS. 51 at his last interview, his effrontery fairly for- sook him. In the tete-a-tete, the ^^ slowest of her sex " seemed to be the quicker of the two. In short, the good-humoured raillery of the laughing widow took the barrister completely aback. " What ! " she exclaimed, — '^ a gentleman learned in the law, — a man of mind — of educa- tion — of courtly manners and fashionable mien, throw himself away upon the widow of a vulgar sugar-baker r — No, no; a barrister like Mr. Waddy, who in all probability is de- stined to become the Lord High Chancellor of England, should select his spouse from the ladies of the land." And in this way had the barrister to contend with the widoVs banter, and ultimately to re- treat and depart her presence, ignorant as to whether he was to consider himself ^' on or off,'^ a rejected or an encouraged suitor. But the fact must not be concealed. An- other individual had been counselled to lay siege to the widow's heart. The '^ party," as d2 52 LAND SHARKS they say in the city^ who had been advised to win her affections and way-lay her wealth, bore the patronymic of OTinn. Mr. Phelan Fitzgerald O^Finn had for some months filled the office of cashless cashier to the tottering firm of " Nares, Nathan, and Co." Navy Prize Agents to the unwitted and well- robbed warrant-officers of his Majesty^s Navy. Like the poorer portion of his countrymen, O'Finn was excessively proud of his rich {unknown) relations, and particularly of the great in his name. By blood, O'Finn was nearly allied to the attenuated female whose ^' telegraphic '^ fea- tures (as the reader is already aware) had so signally failed in their intended eifect ; like her cousin, — her " cousin Garman on her mother's side,*' — the spare spinster sprang from a race once " rich and rare," but, unfortunately, now rarely rich ! Miss or Mrs. Elizabeth Moore (according to the mood, courteous or unkind, of those disposed to address her,) possessed in an eminent degree a tact peculiarly felicitous AND SEA GULLS. 5S m sounding the sentiments of others, or, to adopt the present fashionable political phrase, " putting forth feelers " upon topics involving delicate doubts. ITie brevet ^' Mrs. M." or rather the " bre- vet beauty " (for, like many of the older " old women " of the opposite sex, doomed to be derided for wearing unwon honours. Miss Moore had had bestowed on her a title to which she could lay but little claim,) was entitled to the merit of being pecuharly happy in the timing of her " sudden thoughts," — dropping her " unpremeditated hints," — disclosing her *• private opinions and private suspicions upon certain subjects," — detecting suppressed sighs, —accounting for dejected looks ; and, in short, exciting in others the strongest desire to in- dulge discussion upon topics of a tender and secret nature. Possessing such tact and talents, it was not likely that when a favourable opportunity was afforded to her to call them into play, the '^ brevet beauty " would long allow them 54 LAND SHARKS to remain idle. Indeed^ Mrs. Hunter had hardly given to Mrs. Martinis system of ^' se^ paration '^ a month's trial, ere the new-comer and the old stager had become the most inse- parable of fond friends, — a friendship which, on the part of the Munster maiden, was soon followed by a ^^ feeler " in favour of her cousin Phelan. On a less equivocal occasion, she went so far as to assert that she " could see a match fraught with mutual advantage and benefit to both, if, indeed, the parties could only be brought to think so, and were not blind to their own interests j for, though on one side there might be some little disparagement in the way of wealth, yet, on the other, there was a far greater deficiency ; for, after all, what was wealth in this world, if a body hadn^t name to give it weight ? '' But, singular to say, whenever the same subject was brought before the nicer notice of O^Finn, the gentleman affected indifference, talked largely of ^' personal sacrifices,^' and suspected motives. AND SEA GULLS. 55 " Sure/' said he, upon the first formal dis- cussion of his cousin's delicate hint, — " sure you wouMn't have an O'Finn called an Irish fortune-hunter; none of the name could en- dure the thought." " Your attentions to Mrs. H." returned the speculating spinster, ^* have been too distant — far too distant, Phelan — to merit a designation so undue; on that score, indeed, Phelan, you 've nothing to fear." " Faith, I don't tliink, any how, there's much fear of refusal ; the fear's all the other way," said O'Finn, affecting a coxcombical air. " Don't be too sure of that ; Mrs. Hunter is by no means an everyday woman. To win her, a man must play a delicate card." " Oh ! she's a dehcate cratur entirely ; faith, she'd br«ke a body in coach springs, if she even brought the wherewithal to keep the same." '• Oh, indeed ! for that matter, Phelan, all must admit she has manes sufiicient ; though. 56 LAND SHARKS to be sure, she has the greatest aversion to show/^ " Show ! she*s show enough in herself/' " ^Deed, — indeed, Phelan, I can't agree with you a'tall a' tall. She^s a little larger, perhaps, than suits the tastes of some ; but, how finely formed her futures are; and then take her tamper, isn't it buteeful ? Had she but the blood of the Moores in her veins, 'faith, in my mind, sheM be f«male perfection/' In this manner, for several weeks, were dis- cussed the means and merits and personal qua- lifications of the sugar-baker's widow. A long -dreaded intimation, however, had now been officially made to Mr. Phelan O^Finn : the ^^ fates," or rather the " firm,^' had de- creed that, in reality, the modest Milesian was soon to become the "^retiring gentleman;'^ in other words, the useless office he then held was to be dispensed with, and that imme- diately. Upon the receipt of this notice, O'Finn, as a matter of course, consulted with his " clever cousin,'^ — who, after manifesting AND SEA GULLS. 57 considerable concern for his loss of place, and urging him strongly to devote to the ^^^do^v his undivided attentions, — had to communi- cate ^' a circumstance, which, as an Irish lady, she never could permit to pass unnoticed, — indeed, she should have said, passed unpu- nished !^' The emphatic delivery of the fair advocate^s disinterested advice, had already excited the earnest attention of O'Finn ; but the mystery involved in her allusion to the undisclosed " circumstance," and particularly the vindic- tive tone in which she had uttered the word " unpunished," aroused in him feelings not to be mistaken. The blast of war was blown. " Quick, Bess — quick 1 Tell me what d'ye mane r Has any one dared to offer you of- f ince ? " " No famale,^' returned the excited fair, en- riching her broad Munster brogue by the accents of deep indignation — " no famale could have received grater or grosser in- sult." D 5 58 LAND SHARKS " There it is, Bess — how often have I warned you never to walk out alone !'* ^* Ah sure ! Phelan, it w^as n't in the streets a'tall a^tall. Is n't it more than a month since I put on as much as a bonnet ?" "^ Oh ! I see it now. Faith, Bess, my blood was beginning to be on the bile,'^ said O'Finn, softening in tone, and bridling in his too readily aroused ire — " but sarvants, you see, in these sort of houses, are sometimes mighty saucy — mighty saucy, indeed." " 'Twas no servant that insulted me. No servant would have dard to take such un- warrantable and unbecoming liberties.'^ " Liberties ! liberties ! Bess,^' reiterated O'Finn, accompanying his words by a search- ing stare, which went to penetrate her very thoughts. '^ Is it me," he added, after a pen- sive pause, " is it Phelan that deserves to be kept in this suspense ? Do I deserve it, Bess ? — Bess, you m«ne something ! There 's scorn in your eye, — but why scorn to disclose that m«ning to me V AND SEA GULLS. 59 Like the gusty gale lulled and allayed by hea^^^ rain^ the boisterous rant was succeeded by a weeping calm. The elements of wrath yielded to a " tide of tears." — The room which had already rung with the wild rever- berations of brogue and bluster^ had now^ f(jr a few seconds^ become tranquil and silent as the grave. A softer scene ensued. O'Finn stood mute and motionless before his afflict- ed cousin^ bathed in '^ brine.'' The weep- ing fair had sought her handkerchi-ef— but like that of Othello's " gift/' it was missing when most wanted. " Here, Bess/* said O'Finn, perceiving the lady's double distress, and supplying her weep- ing necessities — " take mine, and dhry your tears ; I'd no notion matters had gone so far." " Far, indeed ! Ah ! Phelan, I now feel 1 liave gone too far. To you, above all men, I should not have said so much." " So much r Why, as yet, you've said no- thing," said O'Finn, petulantly. 60 LAND SHARKS " Too much, indeed, indeed I have ! '^ returned the sobbing beauty, bathed in tears. " Bess, by all that's brave — and that's an oath it isn't for one o' the name to brake — but ril never l«ve the room till you tell me all ! ^' '^ All ! I 've told you all, already/^ " No, Bess — you can spake plainer when you pl«se." '^ Phelan," said the weeping prude, in a tone manifestly assumed to mark the unmerited re- proach, ^^ all I should have said, I have said — and again repate. In few words — a gentle- man, upon whom I had never but once before laid eyes, insulted me at the table, in the grossest possible manner, when it must have been plain to him, that I was any thing but the person he desired to think me/^ " Say no more, Bess — that^s quite enough for me," said O'Finn, grasping his hat, and rushing to the chamber door. ^' Stop, Phelan — hear me now ! Do, I besach you — a minute more," cried the agitated and AND SEA GULLS. 61 trembling woman, seizing and holding with a firm grasp the skirts of her cousin's coat. " Not another word. No man shall insult a cousin of mine. What ! an O^Finn suffer a fflmale to be insulted with impunity ? " And extricating himself from the lady's grasp, he fled out of the room ; forgetting, in his haste, to acquire the name and address of the offender of " f«male innocence.'^ At length, after proceeding at a rapid rate nearly the whole extent of Great Russell-street, in search of his " favourite friend,'^ he stopped suddenly short, and placing his hand upon his heated forehead, exclaimed, in a loud tone, " By the powers of pewter, I He neither the fellow's name nor the fellow^s address.'^ " What a wild Irishman V observed a pass- ing female, staring the fire-eater full in the face. Apprehending from his alarmed relative's refusal of the offender's name and address, that she foresaw the consequence of making 62 LAND SHARKS them known, O'Finn now resolved to have recourse to stratagem. He accordingly return- ed to the house^ and assured his cousin that, upon reflection, he thought a letter "wxll pinned in the shape of a caution, might serve as well as sending to the rude ruffian a formal friend.'^ The ruse succeeded. The unsuspecting spinster, perfectly appeased at what she ex- pressed to be " a more manly, and high-minded course of proceading/^ at once committed to paper the name, address, and even " calling,^' of the " rude off'ender.^^ O^Finn was now permitted to depart in peace. From a circle of his countrymen seated at a tavern table in the vicinity of Covent Garden, and who were warmly engaged discussing their seventh jug of rum toddy, (for in those days whiskey was not a purchasable liquor in Lon- don,) O^Finn had selected his friend, a Mr. Ed- ward Richard Ryan O'Regan. The selection had been made by mute means. In matters of AND SEA GULLS. 63 mischief, the penetration of O'Regan had be- come proverbial, and therefore to '^ Ned " a ^* w-ink had been deemed better than a nod." '•Ned,*' said O^Finn, addressing O'Regan, as soon as the latter had withdrawn himself from his jug and jocular friends — "Ned, d^ye smell a rat ?" " No, but I smell powther," was the quaint reply. '• You^re the boy after my own heart,'^ said O'Finn, ardently squeezing the hand of his friend. ^' Which way is it ?" asked the first of se- conds: '• though, faith," added he, "that mat- ters little as long as there's no apology on our part." "Apology, Ned I Shew me an OTinn that ever tuck (took), much more made, an apology to mortal: so make your mind asy on that score. Now, Ned, take my instructions, and then we can pop into that tavern (pointing to a pot-house, now a gin-palace of the first order 64 LAND SHARKS of magnificence)^ pin the paper, and complate the matter in the regular way." The friends had already seated themselves in the corner-box of an apartment called a coiFee-room, on the floor of which was seen streaks of saw-dust, and overhead volumes of suffocating smoke issuing from the puffing mouths of ill-attired topers muddling in malt. ^^ Waiter," called O'Finn, " pin, ink, paper, and two glasses of rum-punch, in a crack." " Asy, Fitz," said O'Regan, "^ sure isn^t one glass enough for both ?^' '^You^re right, Ned; for it won ^t do just now, as Hamlet says, to put pyson in our mouths to stale away our brains." O'Finn could mar and misquote dramatic passages better than most people. The required "articles of war" were laid upon the table. '' Now mind, Fitz," said the second, per- ceiving the principal had seized upon the pen with eager haste, " mind, the fewer words the AND SEA GULLS. 65 better; and, above all things, note the exact time, and give the right address.'^ *• What, Ned, from a pot-house ?" ^^Byno manner o' manes. Isn't it asy to sink that, and give the sign of the house ?'' The hint was taken. O^Finn, who prided himself upon his epistol- ary talents, had now completed what he termed his " /llegant note of invitation," which, upon meeting with the full approbation of his fire- eating friend, was sealed, and duly addressed. " Now, Fitz," said the delighted second, rising from his seat, and placing his credentials carefully in his pocket-book, " now, Pm off with this, as fast as foot can follow. You settle the bill, and k/ve me to settle the rest." " The curling-irons, Ned." The hint was delivered in a purposely sup- pressed tone. The hand of the speaker was raised to his mouth, as if determined his po- lished phrase should not be intercepted by ruder ears. ^^ Make yourself asy on that score. In 66* LAND SHARKS the turn of a lock, Fitz; and ^faith they're ready to turn the locks of the nicest lad in the land \" And, so saying, O^Regan departed to hasten hostilities, and (to him apparently a matter of minor import) to hasten possibly the termina- tion of his friend's existence. AND SEA GULLS. 6/ CHAPTER V. " Give her what comforts The quality of her passion shall require." Antony and Cleopatra. " Without a friend the world is but a wilderness.'* Anon. Mrs. Hunter, who has been already intro- duced to the reader as a jovial and jocular per- sonage, was nevertheless a warm-hearted wo- man. Having no children to engross her time and affections, she went about doing good, not only w^ith her purse, but in that more diffi- cult and delicate office, the bestowal of counsel and sympathy on those whom sorrow had 68 Land sharks touched^ or who were otherwise in perplexity. Her plump, good-humoured appearance was in keeping with the cheerful frankness of her mind. She was one of those few women who know how to keep a secret. While actively employed in aiding a friend with her kind agency, she would never by a word or look give the slightest hint that she was acquainted with the circumstances regarding which that agency was put into motion. Among those who found relief in the sym- pathy and in the cheering advice of Mrs. Hunter was the young lady who acted so pro- minent a part in our first chapter, and who had formed an alliance with one especially denounced by her relatives. Their marriage had been secret, though the elopement of the lady from her guardian had given rise to con- jectures fatal to her reputation, followed by an alienation of the property left to her under certain conditions, which it was alleged she had forfeited by her conduct. Thus circumstanced, and living with her AND SEA GULLS. 69 husband in London on the narrow means pos- sessed by the latter, she had been noticed by Mrs. Hunter, who, attracted by her uncom- plaining resignation, and the grace and sweet- ness of her character, had cultivated an inti- macy with her, and often sought to soothe her lonely hours in the absence of her husband, and to keep from too severe a pressure those thoughts which would otherwise have dis- tracted her. Having called one morning on her friend, she found her in an unusual state of dejection. " Oh ! Mrs. Hunter," exclaimed the young wife, " I fear my unhappiness is increasing on me — my miseries multiply — I have new woes to meet, to which what I have hitherto suf- fered is as nothing — my husband ! my dear husband ! " *^Tell me all," replied Mrs. Hunter: " we shall find, I am sure, that your grief is cause- less.^' " I have received to-day,'^ pursued the agi- tated lady, ^^ an intimation that he is connected 70 LAND SHARKS with an association against the present govern- ment in Ireland, and that officers are in active search of him." " This is only the weak invention of your friends — I was going to say — to harass you, and to engender suspicion between two loving hearts. My life on it, the accusation is false. A nobler minded man never existed than your husband. What ! he engaged in any thing treasonable ? It cannot be : or, if so, I ^11 lay my life there is ^ something in the state of Den- mark ' which justifies his interference.^^ " Thank you, my dear friend,^' returned the young wife, "for your kind opinion of him. My own estimation of his character is equally high. He will do nothing that is not honourable ; but, alas ! circumstanced as we are, living here in privacy (not to say concealment), having scarcely funds enough for decent subsistence, and being conscious that we are in danger, on private grounds, of persecution, my husband is not in a position to brave the frowns of power in a public cause.^^ AND SEA GULLS. 71 ^* Certainly not/^ replied the widow, " and therefore it is that I will not believe you have been correctly informed. He loves you too well, and is too deeply sensible of the difficulty of his present situation, to be diverted by any thing extraneous. ^^You have just spoken to me," she continued, " of your pecuniary aff"airs, and I thank you for your confidence, because I may now, without of- fence, approach the subject. To be frank with you, (for I love frankness in others, and endea- vour to attain it myself,) I have often watched for an opportunity of speaking with you upon this point. In a word, then, make me your banker. This is commercial language, I know; but, pray, consider that I am a sugar-baker's widow, and am so accustomed to the phrases of the counting-house that they will occasionally slip out.'' " I understand your generosity, my dear friend," returned the distressed lady, ^^ and am truly thankful for its manifestation ; but my husband is inaccessible in such matters, and I 12 LAND SHARKS should not dare to mention to him what you so nobly propose/^ " I never called you foolish before^ but I am very much inclined to do so now/^ said Mrs. Hunter^ in a tone which the more marked her sincerity of purpose. " Recollect what I said : it was an offer to become your banker; and all the worlds at least all that portion of it east of Temple-bar^ knows that a banker requires his advances to be returned ; so make your dig- nity easy on that account. Of what use to me is the money which my worthy and pains- taking husband left to my sole control, if I cannot make it of convenience to those I love ? It is impossible for me otherwise to employ it. My parents are dead — I have no child, no brother, no sister, and am not aware that there is in existence any nephew, niece, or cousin to claim my affection. Will you then be so cruel as to deny me the gratification which would result from my feeling that I had be;stowed comfort on a valued friend, more especially as that friend has to provide for a youn g child ? " AND SEA GULLS. <3 ^^ This is too kind/' returned the wife, " and your offer is made with such genuine dehcacy of spirit, that I will promise you to communi- cate it to my husband. Let me, however, say that we have doubts whether the provisions of the will, by which certain property is be- queathed to me, are broken by marriage. We are, however, so solitary, so friendless (pardon my saying so after the proofs I have just had of your sympathy and munificence), that we know not what steps we ought to take to vin- dicate our rights. Besides, my dear friend, we have a subtle and crafty enemy to deal vAih. ; one who, rancorous as his present purposes are, made his first approaches to me in the guise of love." " I see it all," exclaimed Mrs. Hunter. " This man wooed you as an heiress ? " '' He did." " You rejected him ? " " With scorn." " And now that you have married another, he VOL. I. E 74 LAND SHARKS seeks, I suppose, to crush his rival. Am I not right ? Nay, do not be so despairing. You shall not be sacrificed to mean hate. Cunning shall be met with cunning. " Now hsten to me,'^ continued the widow ; " you are aware that I live in a boarding-house. All boarding-houses are vulgar enough, I know ; but then I am not a lady — nothing but a citi- zen's widow ; and besides, I cannot exist unless surrounded by gossips — and where shall I find them except in such places ? Well, among my sources of diversion in Mrs. Martinis recep- tacle for stray gentlemen, it has been my for- tune to have more than one admirer. You smile ; but portly as I am, ^ like three single gentlewomen rolled into one,' it is neverthe- less true. My most pressing Lothario — though, for my own amusement, I have played at fast and loose with him — is, I am sure, not so spiteful a suitor as he whom you have discarded with disdain. He will never persecute me/' she added, laughingly; AND SEA GULLS. 75 '^ but^ nevertheless, I will match him against your enemy." "How do you mean?^' inquired Mrs. Hunter's companion. " Thus/' repUed the widow. " My avowed admirer is a barrister, known by the sweet- sounding name of Waddy. He is not, I am told, very sagacious in the higher branches of the law, but perhaps on this very account he is the more cunning in all its subterfuges, and therefore the better able to match a rogue. Put your case in his hands." ^' Would it were possible ! ^' sighed the younger lady. " But it is possible. His services can be commanded. I will give you a letter to liim, and he will afford you the more earnest atten- tion, out of his extremely disinterested affec- tion to me and my charms. I shall see you to-morrow again on this subject : meanwhile you will, I feel certain, have been disabused of your apprehensions respecting the politi- cal danger of your husband. Good day,^' E 2 76 LAND SHARKS continued Mrs. Hunter^ shaking her afflicted friend by the hand as she rose to depart. " Good day — cheer up, and be sure you ob- tain your husbandry concurrence as to my taking upon myself the honours of a banker. Do not let him say •' No. "^ AND SEA GULLS. 77 CHAPTER VI. " I never in my life Did hear a challenge urged more modestly." Shakspeare. ** Why, Valentine, what braggardism is this ?" Two Gentlemen of VerOxVa. It was well said by an able and distinguished writer, a moralist acquainted with all the work- ings of the human heart, that " if, in all cases of personal dispute, the seconds were as averse to fighting as the principals, there would be little of blood shed." This is true for the most part, but the maxim had no application in the instance we have now to record. It is impossible to 78 LAND SHARKS write apophthegms touching the sons of Erin. La Rochefoucauld and La Bruyere would have been perplexed in their vocation, had they lived in a land where man is an anomaly that defies analysis. Our Milesian principal and second were for three days both burning for the fray. The latter was ready, even without knowing a word of the dispute, to accompany his friend to the field ; and had the least occasion (such as sud- den or desperate illness) arisen to prevent O'Finn from keeping his appointment, O'Re- gan would willingly have supplied his place. A duel is of all things the pleasantest morn- ing pastime to a gentleman of the Emerald Isle. Well, indeed, may it be called Ire-land, It was now nearer the hour of eight than seven of a still sultry evening in the middle of May, when Waddy, who had been " brush- ing up'^ for a certain secret excursion, was nearly stunned by a thundering knock at the outer door of his chambers. ^' That's a thumper, at all events," said the AND SEA GULLS. 79 uncoated lawyer, proceeding to perform the part of porter — " I warrant there is a brief at the back of that." " Has Counsellor Waddy returned to town?" said the stranger, eyeing the lawyer, who held in his hand the brush with which he had been busily brushing his doffed gar- ment. " He has, sir/^ was the brief reply. " It's mighty strange he didn't come sooner. I have been nine times after him within these three days.'^ " I presume, sir, your business presses. — Walk in, sir — you ^11 find a chair,^^ said Waddy, closing his outer door. " I ^d rather stand, sir, if it ' s all the same to you." " May I ask your business, sir T' said the lawyer, surveying with stern intensity the stranger from head to foot. '^ I want to see Counsellor Waddy, sir." " He stands before you, sir.'^ 80 .LAND SHARKS " Surely I've not mistaken my man/' said the stranger, with a look of suspicion. ^' No, no, sir ; there 's only one of the name enrolled on the list. All right, sir ; sit down, pray : I ^11 return in a minute.^' And here the barrister retired into a small inner apartment, to tie on his cravat, and resume his coat. Waddy's toilet was soon completed. The stranger had not long to await his return. " You were very fortunate in finding me at home, sir," said he, presenting his visitor with a chair, '^- very fortunate, indeed, sir ; for I was thinking of taking a little stroll in the vicinity of Bloomsbury.^^ " I 've just come from that quaxther myself, sir,^' said the stranger, in accents which at once proclaimed his Milesian origin. '^ From your accent," said Waddy, with a cynical sneer, " I should have said you had come from Ireland.^' " Not immediately, sir ; but I 've come AND SEA GULLS, 81 from an Irish gentleman !'^ retorted the visitor, rising from his seat. "Oh ! sir, I do n*t mean to doubt your lineage. Gentlemen from Ireland/^ returned the law- yer, " are always well connected. But pray, sir, may I ask, if your present business relates to Irish affairs ? for as yet I've had nothing to do in that way. In fact, sir, Pve had no deal- ings with Irish solicitors. I may be misin- formed, but I have been told, that gentlemen from your side of the water are much given to push heavy matters, which often require time and deliberation." " In matters like mine," returned the stranger, " things must be done in a hur- ry." " Well, sir," said Waddy, " I 'm all atten- tion. Open your business." " I must open my pocket-book first," re- turned the man of business, unfolding a greasy leathern case, which had once passed for red morocco. E 5 82 LAND SHARKS *^ Then you have brought no brief, sir ?" said the lawyer. " No, but I Ve brought a bit of an invita- tion," said the stranger, handing to the law- yer a note addressed to " Counsellor Waddy, Inner Temple/^ ^'All right, sir,'^ said Waddy, reading the address. '^ This, I suppose, contains a re- tainer.^^ " It ^s any thing but a de-tainer, I can tell ye." '^ Come, that 's not so bad,^^ said Waddy, chuckling. ^^ The Irishman all over — prefers his joke to his business." " In this business, I'm thinking, you'll soon find there's no joke.'' The envelope of the " invitation" had al- ready been taken off, and thrown upon the table. '^ Why, bless my soul ! what the devil 's all this ?" said the barrister, throwing a hurried eye over the contents of the letter, and turning AND SEA GULLS. 83 to the signature of the writer, " There's some mistake here — evidently so ^' " Read out, sir. I'll set you right, if there's any thing wrong/' said the bearer of the letter. Waddy proceeded to read aloud the con- tents of the note which he held in his hand. " Harlequin Hotel, Bloomshury, May 18, 1794. " Sir, " It having been this moment intimated to me, by a lady nearly related in blood to myself, that you had recently offered to that unpro- tected female the grossest insult, and had taken w4th her the most unwarrantable and unbecoming liberties, I, sir, as the relative of that highly insulted lady, have to demand from you that satisfaction due from one gen- tleman to another. " My friend, Mr. Ryan O'Regan, is the bearer of this invitation, who is perfectly prepared for a ready reference to a friend. As time presses, 84 . LAND SHARKS I have to request the meeting may not be delayed longer than daylight to-morrow morning. " I have the honour to be, " Sir, yours, &c. " Phelan Fitzgerald O^Finn. " To Counsellor Waddy, Barrister at Law, Inner Temple." " A perfect mystery V said Waddy, as he concluded the perusal of O' Finn's " invi- tation. '^ " Pray, sir, is this by way of hoax — an Irish practical joke? Because, in this country^ peopk employ their time better than tritiing it away in tricks of this na- ture." " There's a wide diiference," returned O' Regan, "between a foolish hoax, as you call it, and a racl affair of honour; and as to trifling time, sir, it is you, sir, that is trifling with my time, by affecting ignorance of a matter that^s in every body's mouth \" AND SEA GULLS. 85 "Every body^s mouth!" iterated Waddy, ^* the man must be mad !" " Come, come, sir, this equivocation is un- worthy of a gentleman/' " Equivocation, air V' — echoed the indignant lawyer. " Isn't the word Enghsh ?^' returned the Irisli lire-eater ; '• upon that score, laA\-Aers are sel- dom deficient." '• Sir, tliis language is really insufferable !" said Waddy, rising from his chair under con- siderable excitement: " I desire, sir, you in- stantly quit tliis room !" " Come, come, sir, you 've not to dale witli a child — I'm not to be bullied in this business — refar me at once to a friend, or take the con- sequences." " Will you l)e pleased, sir," said Waddy, '' first to refer me to tlie alleged affair." " Offince has been offered to a lady — a meeting 's demanded, — what more do you want ?" " In the name of heaven !" ejaculated Wad- 86 LAND SHARKS dy, increasing in wrath ; " is a man to make reparation, or risk his hfe, for the forward impertinence or rude behaviour of another ?^' ^^ Come, sir, that 's mighty mane, to try and fix the offince upon another — mighty mane in- deed, counsellor/^ ^^ Now, sir, I see,^^ said Waddy, assuming a cooler and collected tone, " I see that there is only one way of convincing a gentleman of your stamp of the absurdity of persisting in error. Will you have the goodness to reply to the fol- lowing questions ?" " Counsellor, I did n^t come here to be cross-examined," returned the rude Milesian. " No, sir, merely direct questions.^' " Well, out with them.'' " Do / look like a foreigner ?" " I can't say much for your looks, any how.'' "Well, sir, does ^ Waddy' sound like a foreign name ?" " It sounds common enough.'^ " And now, sir, for the last and most im- portant point. Have you not, or your friend. AND SEA GULLS. 8? by some Irish bull-headed blunder or another^ confounded me with a German gentleman }" " Not at all — but I ^ra thinking it's the cousin gcrman of a gentleman that has complately confounded the Counsellor. Look, sir/^ said he, taking up O'Finn^s note which lay upon the table, " look at these words. Now, sir, the lady, it seems, has declared to her blood relation, my respected friend, that Counsellor Waddy, and Waddy alone, was the person who had darr'd to take with her such un- warrantable and unbecoming hberties. Read, sir ! read — get over that if you can.^^ Waddy for several seconds remained mute. He manifestly was labouring under some un- pleasant impression. Conscience, that busy- body of the brain, had brought to his mind's eye reminiscences of an awkward nature. At length, removing the hand which had supported his drooping head, he said — " I see, sir, there is some little explanation due to the complaining parties. I now begin to perceive something of the matter. But I 88 LAND SHARKS have seen the lady twice^ and twice conversed with her since " " She admits that^ sir/^ interrupted O'Regan — '^ she informed my friend she never saw you but twice before ; and that your ogling her at a public table was the height of indecency/' " I can't understand/^ said Waddy^ " how an admiring eye could be taken for an insulting look.'^ " By your own account^ sir/' said O^Regan, " you stand self-convicted ; for call it what you will^ you must have been ogling the lady ; and, as sure as my name 's Ryan O'Regan, so sure will you be posted to-morrow morning, if, within two hours, I'm not referred to a friend. And, if it won't be a pwrty paragraph for the newspapers, never mind : — ' Insult er of famale innocence — ruffianly and cowardly con- duct of a Counsellor,' will furnish a b2