L I B HARY OF THL UN I VER.5ITY OF 1LLI NOI5 823 M5I2 v. I •2£* C^La.CUlAT.ON.OOKSTACKS tL library fto^ Dat e stamped Book is $50.00. ^ re „ ons SEP 2 2 1994 MJ6 2 9 199*» , j AN 2 4 1998 previous due date. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2009 with funding from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaiign http://www.archive.org/details/memoirsofmanoffa01lond fast. ^g£4& - MEMOIRS OF A MAN OF FASHION. WRITTEN BY HIMSELF. INCLUDING OF MANY CELEBRATED PERSONS, WITH WHOM HE HAD INTERCOURSE AND CONNEXION. Blame where you must — be candid where you can." JOH.1SOX. IN THREE VOLUMES. VOL. I. LONDON: PRINTED FOR SHERWOOD, NEELY, AND JONES, PATERNOSTER-ROW. 1821. London: PttlNTID BV B. CLARKE, KILL STREET. DEDICATION, To Lord *♦#*. My dear Lord, Many years ago, for the first time, and very frequently since, you have importuned me to publish my life, as one which would adhibit vast variety — infinite vicissitude, and, you were pleased to say, much interest, because its meridian was passed in courts and in courtly circles, amongst polished knights and ladies bright, and in the very centre of bustle, gay adventure, and intrigue. I always (as you recol- lect) refused, because I hate notoriety, although it has been through life my doom, and because, when once done, " Nescit vox missa reverti." Circumstances, very unnecessary to VI DEDICATION. be stated, have altered my firm resolve; and I cannot think of giving my errors and adventures to the world, without dedicating them to you ; first, because you were the cause of my bringing them forward ; and, secondly, because in them you may say, " Quorum pars magna fui" The distant remembrances of past pleasure are far the dearest to me ; they glow at this moment fresh and warm in my heart ; my eye seeks them, as the traveller's glance fondly dwells upon the gilded perspective of a summers evening, when the sun, sunk below the horizon, leaves the train of his expiring radiancy behind him — a radiance rendered more interesting by its soft and mellow tints ; more capti- vating, because we fear to lose it ; and to the last glimmer of whose soft light memory clings, until both memory and it sink and expire together. In these affectionate reminiscences, DEDICATION. Vll your social converse, your friendship, ever at hand in hour of trial, your sympathies corresponding with my own, nay, even our boyish tricks, our aca- demic follies, our college schemes form no inconsiderable part. Happy days, no more ! when " Jeune, je cultivais les muses ; il n'y a rien de plus poe- tique, dans la fraicheur de ses passions, quun cceur de seize annees : le matin de la vie est comme le matin du jour, plein de purete, d'images et d'harmo- nies." But a truce to moralizing. When this work meets your eyes, you will smile, and give me credit for neither having named your Lordship nor my- self. The period which these memoirs embrace you will find to be the twenty-five years which have rolled nway, from our leaving college until the last peace — eventful period, at which we well may say— Vlll DEDICATION. Eheu fugaces, Postume, Postume, Labuntur anni. Yet, as my dream of life has rather been a gilded one, and as I am neither old enough, nor wicked enough, to fly from its remembrance, that period will not be like the sad complainings of old age, " Difficilis, querulus, laudator temporis acti ;" but rather the faithful narration of a man in the prime of life, whose facul- ties unimpaired neither tinge his picture with too much gloom, nor varnish it over with the high colouring of imper- fect memory supplied by fiction, fond of the past. Believe me, My dear Lord, Fin alle cenere, Yours, most^truly, THE AUTHOR. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. The Author's Education and Debut in Life. — Early Attachment of a very great Man. — The Author becomes very fashionable, and em- barrassed — in love with Lady Elizabeth Vol- cano. — Characters of her Ladyship, the Copper Colonel, the late Lord B, the Marquis of &c. — A theatrical Chere Amie. — The Author is arrested, gives Bail, and moralizes .. page I CHAPTER II. Reflects, and consults Friends. — Lessons on rais- ing the Wind, by Ned Nimble and Sir John Jehu. — Again arrested, and set at liberty by a very new and extraordinary Method of serving a Friend. — Characters of Paddy Chanticleer, Lady Jehu, Lady B, &c. — Sketches of Hells. — Skylarking. — Hints on s^avoir vivre by D. B. — The three Graces, the Honorable George Sus- X CONTENTS. pender, &c. — More Losses. — Obliged to be- come scarce; and takes Love and Gospel with Mrs. Trincomalee. — The Services of an adver- tising Attorney. — Characters of Duke Primus, and C. M. of convivial Celebrity.— Thoughts on Flattery. Matrimonial Speculations. Lays Siege to a supposed rich Jewess. — A Dinner at Captain 's. — A Matrimonial Broker. — Characters 19 CHAPTER III. Meets with Eliza Mannering, an interesting Fe- male in Distress — relieves, and provides for her. — Pays his Addresses to an ugly Heiress, and at the same time agrees to elope with the Jewess. — A lucky Discovery with respect to the latter, which saves him from total Ruin. — Another Match proposed. — Treachery of the advertising Attorney; and the Author's conse- quent Distress and Imprisonment. — Marries the ugly Heiress, and finds her Fortune only half what he expected 63 CHAPTElt IV. A Week at Salt Hill.— Mrs. W , General T , and Mrs. W .—The Rose of Corn- CONTENTS. XI wall. — Reflections on a Royal Lover's Amours, Marriage, and Change of Friends. — The Au- thor and his Wife differ about raising Money, and separate. — Expedients to raise the Wind. — Makes a disgraceful Proposal to his Protegee. — Loses at Play, but wins at Racing, by bribing a Jockey. — 'Arrangement with the next Heir of Entail. — Ways and Means of other Fashi- onables.— A Dinner of Sporting Men and Gamblers. — Meets with a new Friend, and visits his Sporting Box near Epsom. — Liberal Offers of this Gentleman, who proposes that the Author should set up a Faro-Bank. — Characters of Jack Rackrent and Sir Simon Simple. — They assist the Author in raising Money. — The Bank is established, and broken by the Confe- deracy of the Friend with a French Count. — The Author completely ruined, and goes into the Rules of the Fleet 95 CHAPTER V. He meets with an unfortunate Woman, Daughter of a Colonel, deserted, with her Children, by her Seducer — takes her under his Protection — her Infidelity. — The Author succeeds to ano- ther Fortune. — Launches out again in Style. — Congratulations of Friends. — Proposes a legal Xll CONTENTS. Separation to his Lady. — Affecting Corres- pondence on the Subject. — They separate. — Death of the Wife. — Remorse of the Author. — Reflections on the Fleet, and its Crew. — A Dinner, and an involuntary Visit to the Watch- house.— Release, and Character of Bob Ortho- dox, a Reverend Divine. — The Author deter- mines to visit Italy with a foreign Countess. — The Emigres. — Character of the Countess Marguerite. — A farewell Dinner 149 CHAPTER VI. Characters of the Marquis of Headstrong, Lord Deaf, Sir James Jessamy, Mr. Felix Flourish, and Harry Democrat. — A German Princess and Count F . — Count de Belzun and Miss F . — Levities of German Ladies. — Lady E and Mr. M . — Gaming and Annuities discussed. — The Beehive. — Hints on Greeking. — Jack Rapid's Diary. — Notices of Mrs. O. H. the Honorable Mrs. T. Mr. H. Mr. Juniper, M. P. and Sir Samuel Specific, Lord D. Lady J. Lady G. Lady M— b— h, Dandy B. the Princess of Madagascar, Lady B., the Laureat, Colonel G. and the Duke of R. — Departure for Leghorn 192 INTRODUCTION A very few words of introduction suffice in offering this work to the public. Its object is utility ; its hope, amusement ; its contents, a mass of truth. I am well aware that it cannot be so interesting to strangers, as to men of my own day, who have been living, and who do still live, in the fashionable world ; yet the present always borrows interest from the past ; and the cautions which may be found necessary for the future would be unavailing, were they not justified by experience. Man is always the same in every age. Forms and fashions vary ; but our passions, our feelings, and our interests, are un- changeable. XIV INTRODUCTION. A knowledge of the world and of mankind is seldom highly prized, un- less nought at a high price ; but where personal suffering, personal disappoint- ment, and personal disgust, are to con- stitute a part of the purchase-money, the bargain is dear indeed. In a lu- dicrous French dramatic piece, enti- tled " Le Sourd, ou VAubergepleine" Monsieur D'Anieres, a stupid character, is made to say to his audience, that before he went to Paris and bought wit, J'etais bete a /aire plaisir ; but that, afterwards, he bought plenty of wit and of experience ; and that when these commodities had cost him a hun- dred guineas, he cries, affrighted at the price, " Tenez ; voila assez d'esprit." It would be unnecessary to state how little esprit can be purchased in INTRODUCTION. XV London for that price : and as the author of the present Memoirs has witnessed a great variety of scenes in high life, intrigues of courts, intrigues of cabinets, and intrigues in drawing- rooms, and in boudoirs, with a mul- tiplicity of sporting and greeking transactions, abroad and at home, an outline or sketch of his life for the last twenty-five years must present much novel matter. It has been his deepest regret, that the fascinations of fashion, and allure- ments of pleasure, have engrossed so much of his time, and consumed such extensive property as has fallen to his share ; and that, led astray by those enchantments, he has not, hitherto, been more useful to his fellow-creatures. If the warning which his errors may furnish, and the experience which his intercourse with the world may afford, XVI INTRODUCTION. prove beneficial, it will be a matter of heart-felt consolation to him. Life is often represented as a dream ; but very different in nature are the sleep-walkers of this world. Fevered, fanciful, and eventful, have been some of our dreams ; whilst a dead torpor has been the lot of others. " Ficta voiuptatis causa sint proxima veris," is an old and approved maxim. The present Memoirs go still further : truth dwells in every page ; and if transpo- sition of time or place, disguise or al- teration of name or character, friendly mitigation or partial concealment, has any where occurred, the parties con- cerned will be aware of the honorable motives which have actuated the writer. MEMOIRS OF A MAN OF FASHION, CHAPTER I. Anecdotes of our childhood, inter- esting as they may appear to ourselves, are generally tedious to others ; I shall therefore pass over that period of my life, as well as the boyish days in which I was Twrw-ing it with a tutor: and of my collegiate career I shall only say, that I used to learn every thing which was not necessary, made verses, VOL. i. b 2 MEMOIRS OF lampooned big- wigs, broke windows and lamps, and spent half my time in hunting and in horse-racing ; whilst a gay mil- liner and a strolling actress touched my heart-strings and purse-strings : and of each it might truly be observed, that " Whilst I thought her a goddess, she thought me a fool ; lt And I'll swear she was most in the right." Yet, I must say, that during the sea- son in which I was most deceived, in which illusions were brightest, and fa- bles passed in my heated brain for sub- stantial realities, I was happier than I have ever been since. Take the ban- deau from the eyes of love, and divest Venus of her zone, tear the mysterious veil from promised enjoyment, banish A MAN OF FASHION. 3 the crimson blush, the down-cast eye, the pearly tear, the mutual pressure of the hand, the thrilling fever, and the fearful glance — the doubt, the anxiety, and dread — and love ceases to be love — Venus is no longer a divinity—at least, so I have ever thought and felt. I came out in life just at the period when a most illustrious personage was sharing domestic bliss with the lovely full-blown rose which he first wore in his bosom. From that circumstance, and through that channel, I first had the honor of knowing one, whom I ever after considered as the most po- lished man in the world. This meteor of perfection, this son a 2 4 MEMOIRS OF of fashion, had the most fascinating manners which ever fell to the share of monarch or of man ; a smile which seemed to have been kindled in the heart before it expanded on the lip, a kindly expression which warmed all around him, a playfulness of wit and familiar discourse, which drew every affection towards him, a facility of de- livering himself in all polished lan- guages, which made him fit to be the king of gentlemen. Such was then his attachment, that he seemed a private individual prepos- sessingly doing the honors of his cara's parties— like the best of husbands, and the most domesticated of subjects. He had, a little time before, endeared A MAN OF FASHION'. O himself to every thinking mind by honorable retrenchments, cheerful self- denials, and by a submission to harsh family censure. Young and old were then at his feet: but the scene changed. I do not mean to say that the hero of the scene ceased to shine, ceased to be amiable, or failed to command admi- ration ; but that the actors were changed, views were less bright, pros- pects vanished, and insidious enemies played their parts in the grand drama in question. As to my own situation in life, I was now running full tilt my gay and ruin- ous career. The death of my father left me, at an early age, an entailed property of two thousand pounds per B 3 6 MEMOIRS OF annum, in the northern part of England,, tied up by * every possible precaution that prudence and law could suggest : and it was my sole study to untie and to part with it as fast as possible. Aided, therefore, by my serviceable friends, black D (not the devil), Jew Rex, old drunken M — (more knave than fool), and a score of money scri- veners, procurers, usurers, and collate- rally signing friends, I managed to spend eight thousand per annum for three years, by the speedy ruin of granting annuities to the wood merchants, soi- disant brokers, Israelite tradesmen, and miser gentlemen, who let out their mo- ney thus, doubling their capital in six or seven years, and frequently ruining A MAN OF FASHION. 7 their man in half the time. I found fellows who had been in India, and who had made decent fortunes there, come home and double them by these ho- norable and conscientious means; nay, even ladies (a Mrs. E. in particular) who, having served Cupid as mercenary votaries, dedicate their silver locks, and wrinkled remnant of life, to the wor- ship of Mammon. I had also the resource of pulling down an old family mansion, and basely selling the materials to pay my New- market debts, of ploughing up my park, and leaving the poor squirrels of my woods not a twig to light upon, in order to pay my debts of honor contracted at Mrs. S.'s in St. James's Square (whose B 4 8 MEMOIRS OF son was in the Guards), at Mr. Con- canister s, and to a suicide lord, who, with a crafty banker, kept a gambling shop in Pall-mall. But then I had the supreme felicity of having four horses on the turf, of being thought quite comme il faut, and of being last in a sweepstakes (riding my own horse) in the respectable company of Sir John Jehu, the Ex-colonel Eclipse, the Ho- norable D Bolter, et cetera. Then again my house was the very cream of well-appointed things, exhi- biting in its appearance a masquerade, and often, in its noise and confusion of tongues, the tower of Babel. I had a French cook, an Italian valet-de-cham- bre, a German porter, English coach- A MAN OF FASHION. 9 man and grooms, an Irish housemaid, rader good-lucking, and an Ethiopian footman. French ladies in abundance honored my festive board with their presence, and artists of all nations at- tended my levee ; for I had a mighty notion of shining above the herd ; and I took lessons of Vestris, of Angelo, of Lanza, of language-masters, and even of Astley, in order to vault into my saddle at my door, to the surprise and admiration of passing Cyprians, who threw an approving glance, or a gilt card of address, to cheer me in my morning ride, about four o'clock, P.M. To perfect my taste, I purchased busts, pictures, medals, and antiquities, B 5 10 MEMOIRS OF in abundance, giving immense sums for counterfeits ; and I was a most valued customer to the eloquent knight of the hammer, Mr. C , whose descriptive faculties could embellish, or even create, any thing, converting the view of a gib- bet into a " hanging wood," a bleak hill into a "commanding prospect," a mi- serable hovel into " a romantic retreat," a citizens vulgar villa at Mile-end, in all the muck and smoke carried to it from the city, into a c; most desirable cottage orne, exhibiting and combining all the pleasures and advantages of a rus in urbe" and so forth. Poor C. ! he was, nevertheless, a good creature. The imperious queen of my inclina- tions at this juncture was Lady Eliza- A MAN OF FASHION. 11 beth Volcano, whose flame was the most ardent and consuming which I ever felt. Daughter of an Irish earl, she had all the warmth and rashness of her country ; and, travelled and most eminently accomplished, she had made herself a complete mistress of arts. Gen- tle and prepossessing in her manners, she was, nevertheless, the most stormy charmer whom I have ever known. If irritated, or jealous, she would rush up- on you like a whirlwind, and carry all before her ; nor was she more regardless of personal danger than she was incau- tious in her weapons, or in her attacks upon others. Early in life, she hanged herself for love and jealousy of Lord C , then a beau — now the poorest remains of manly appearance and of style which I ever saw : but — 12 MEMOIRS OF " How many a lad I have lov'd is dead, 11 How many a lass grown old!" Some years after, she attempted to destroy herself by opium ; and, subse- quently, to drown herself. She married a very amiable man at first, who shall be nameless from respect. She then fancied the \6th Lt. Dragoons, out of which to select a gay cornet. Divorce had taken place previously to this fancy, and from another cause. She then married the bold dragoon ; and bold he was, for it is hard to say which of them had the most frequent victories in their numerous assaults de part et d 'autre. Her ladyship after brought matters to a pointy knife in hand ; and the mllitaire used some knock-down argu- ments, in order to bring back matters to the status quo ante helium. A MAN OF FASHION. 13 They soon separated by mutual con- sent ; and, after honoring me by a marked preference, which crowned her wishes, we had a quarrel, which imme- diately caused us to part : for returning from shooting one day, she miscon- ceived the game which I had been after, pounced upon me like the eagle on the dove, and, catching the powder-flask from my side, flung it into a large fire, and very nearly blew off the top of the cottage, whilst we both saved ourselves by flight in different directions. Never shall I forget this my first flame. My male companions, at this time, were the Copper Colonel Hardy, " pu- ellis nuper idoneus" the late Lord B — , Colonel H— , Sir J— S— , that most 14 MEMOIRS OF perfect and amiable model of the old school, Lord B — , now a marquis, cum multis aliis. The Copper Colonel, who perished in a duel, was a very great fa- vorite of the first subject in England ; whether from being a good and pleasant, although dreadfully hasty fellow, or from having a very pretty sister, I do not pretend to decide : but certain it is, that the illustrious friend w T ould send Mr. H. (her husband), to vote in the lower house at late hours, and used kindly to prevent the loneliness of his wife by the warmest attentions — but brisons Id. Poor H — is no more ; and the rose is withering apace on the fair cheek of its once bewitching possessor. From these companions I learned a A MAN OF FASHION. 15 great deal. The peer B. gave me a taste for theatricals ; the Copper Colonel a turn for hoaxing and quizzing ; and I had the honor of dining for the first time in the stone jug, alias a prison, with the other lord, now raised to the marquisite. His lordship at that "pre- sent writing was not worth a rap," but was heir to an immense property. The state of his (then) affairs was — three country houses, a pack of hounds, about sixty horses, a sultana, about one hun- dred creditors, and his establishment, where I dined most merrily with him and a brace of attornies and money- lenders, two guardsmen, and a fellow- prisoner. It has been this unfortunate, impru- 16 MEMOIRS OF dent, but good-natured peer's lot, never to extricate himself from difficulties since. He was bitten, it is said, by a may-fly : if this were really the case, the love-puncture was soon cured: at all events, she was sweetly attractive. Chacun a son gout. She might have pleased any one. From private theatricals, I cast a longing eye on public performances, and was enchanted by one who figured in the scenic art. Her I considered as a fourth grace, as a tenth muse, as a paragon of perfection. I beaud her home from rehearsal and performance, ministered to her extravagances, and got acquainted with a score of perform- ers, in whose society I have been most A MAN OF FASHION. 17 happy, and of whom I never have had to complain. Madame, however, was a loadstone to gold and trinkets ; and I overdrew my banker considerably on her account. Luckily for me, she proved false. Her fidelity might have been fatal : but, such was my rage, my despair, and my disappointment, that I ranted and upbraided in all lan- guages, and in all tones of prose, of verse, of rhyme, but not of reason. My love fever lasted a few weeks ; and I was cured of it by the arrival of two unknown brothers-in-law, John Doe and Richard Roe, who, at the suit of a man-milliner, presumed to take my personal security for two hundred pounds. This last favor I owed to my 18 MEMOIRS OF theatrical female friend. My farrier bailed me, probably because I was thus nailed; whose son, by the bye, has since appeared as a very gentleman-like buck at Cambridge, and is now pulpit- thumping with success in some county of England. A great many melancholy reflections followed this affair ; for, as with women, ce nest que le premier pas qui coute ; so when a fellow of fashion in town gets callous to these touching scenes, he goes to rack as fast as a horse after a stiff day's hunting. A MAN OF FASHION. 19 CHAPTER II. I began now to reflect that I was paying to my annuitants four hundred pounds per annum more than the pro- duce of my rent-roll; that my wood had disappeared, as well as my house ; and although I was pretending to build another, that was a mere founda- tion for my creditors to build their hopes upon ; that servants looked sulky ; and bills as long as snipes' flew in every direction on my breakfast table. In this dilemma, I sent for Ned 20 MEMOIRS OF Nimble, who, from having been a gen- tleman at college, and afterwards spent his fortune, had turned his hand to many- avocations ; and was now a kind of middle man or agent betwixt the usurer and the necessitous rake. He gave me great consolation in my afflictions ; as- suring me that every man of fashion, from the prince to the private gentle- man, was involved; that an illustrious personage kept company with a jeweller on account of his long-winded tick ; that all the nobility were annuitized and mortgaged up to the ears ; that placemen made appointments to cover their debts ; that Earl M— 's kites were selling all over the city at twenty per cent, below par; that the Honorable D. B. never was without an execution A MAN OF FASHION. 21 in his house ; and that, in one word, I was only in the fashion. He taught me that a very great man indeed, in conjunction with subaltern agents, used to raise the wind by furnish- ing his splendid mansion from abroad, as well as from upholsterers at home, and then sold off and began a-fresh, after a few exhibitions of taste in the furniture line ; that there were trades- men who sold you goods for long- winded bills, to re-sell ; and that, D. B. and Sir F. G. had had two squadron of horses, and a whole re- pository full of carriages, in their pos- session, within a year, which refitted their finances at only cent, per cent. loss. This he called bill-doing; and he re- 22 MEMOIRS OF commended me to a leather breeches- maker, to a bankrupt wine-merchant, and a dozen others, for this purpose. I was now favored by a visit from the Duke of Horsemagog, and another from Sir John Jehu ; the former to purchase a horse, the latter to pick out all my secrets. He consoled me much, by assuring me that my debts were a milk-score ; that the marquis, then Lord B. owed one hundred thou- sand pounds ; and that he himself sold a most valuable property for fifteen thousand pounds before he was of age, merely to pay debts for carriages, harness, and sadlery, and had since parted with property for an old song, just to keep up the stable, which was A MAN OF FASHION. 23 worth at least thirty thousand pounds, in the Borough : nay, at this moment worth double the money. This appeared very dashing and spi- rited to me ; and I began to be ashamed of only owing ten thousand pounds more than I was worth. The baronet gave me an invitation to dine the next day ; and I anticipated a pleasant party. It rather unluckily occurred, that a tailor, who had pre- viously worn out the knocker of my door by kind inquiries as to when I could make it convenient to pay, and who had been surlily answered by my unpaid German porter, thought fit to take new measures, and to arrest me. 24 MEMOIRS OF Out of this scrape, an amiable lord, who shall be nameless, and who was my college companion, extricated me by paying the money — the most efficient and proper way of assisting a friend. I have often done this myself; but I never met with such firm and disinterested service from any one but him ; and from him I have received kindnesses iterum iterumque. The dinner-party at Sir John s was numerous. Amongst the crowd was Captain Chanticleer, then a half-pay ensign, and the brother of a public singer, but since a most prominent character in one of the first cavalry regiments in the service, and afterwards on the staff with the army of observa- A MAN OF FASHION. 25 tion, commonlv called the army of oc- cupation. Paddy Chanticleer has a de- lightful voice, enriched by humour and a thick brogue, and highly set off by impudence and coarse native humour. He was nobody at that time ; and some of the guests then present recol lected paying a few shillings to hear him sing, on an obscure stage in his beautiful country ; but now, that Pat is a man of war, he remembers no more of these scenes than the man in the moon, or any moony relative or whiskey-shedman of his quondam ac- quaintance, nor than a stationary lieu- tenant, of asinine countenance, did of his overturning him on a trip to Rich- mond, when he could not believe that vol. i. c 26 MEMOIRS OF he lost three thousand pounds to a dear countryman of Pat's, who came in, all on purpose by accident, to drink many happy returns of the day to the won- dering Johnny Raw, whose birth-day Pat and the simpleton went out to ce- lebrate, tete-a-tete. But more of Paddy and his pranks hereafter. Jew Rex was another worthy of the party, with the antiquated countess he married ; Lord B. who lived by rule, i. e. a day rule ; the honourable D. B. ; a foreign countess, of whom more hereafter ; Joe Doubledeal ; and a host of turf gentlemen. Lady Jehu looked like a Virgin of the Sun in red resplendence. The in- A MAN OF FASHION. 2J fluencc of her ladyship's rays had warmed many a heart. She too, like singing Paddy, had been in the public line, but it was not on the same stage. Here, lest a blush should out-rouge the rouge on her once attractive cheek, should she peruse this work, we will drop the curtain — it has been dropped before— and in justice to her charms. soit dit en passant, that she now is a good wife, and bids fair for blooming like a second Ninon de LEnclos. Lord B 's wife, of low extraction, and related to the lady at the head of the table, was also in the circle, but ever lovely and ever chaste, however surrounded by or grouped with Pa- phian frail ones. C 2 28 MEMOIRS OF The wine, the wit, the stable-talk, and the adventures of the kennel, drove merrily on until a late hour, during which period I made a great many matches for my racers, all of which I lost. In one instance I was beaten, by paying forfeit from seizure of my brown horse by Diamond, at the instance of a money-lender present ; and the feeling Jew lent me what was necessary to lose upon all the other matches. Was there any playing of booty ? Je nen sais rien. At a very small hour, we broke up ; and some of the most desperate of us adjourned to St. James's Street, to a common hell, where I am quite fright- ened at recollecting a very gross epithet A MAN OF FASHION. 29 applied by me, with a damn, to a youngster in his Plutonian father's house, but who has now grown into a general officer and a member of parlia- ment, doubtless from the fair dealing of the house, and from one for the others, and, apres, the double aces and throwings out of this diabolical roof. The rouge et noir was, however, an encouragement to a military life ; and the seat in parliament is a proof that iC the colour wins." From this cavern we posted to others ; and in one Colonel H. broke the bank, which was unfortunate for me ; for it gave me an itch for play, which cost me fifteen thousand pounds at a subsequent period. c 3 30 MEMOIRS OF The rescue of some loose fish caught in a watchman's net, the breaking of an attorney's windows in Golden- square, and our being beaten in a mill- ing match with some skylarking but- chers, finished the evening ; for some of us were pupils of Mendoza, the miller of his day : and the Duke of Horse- magog, then sailing east-on, to rack of purse and person, greatly encouraged the gem'men of the art, since nobly named the Fancy. I now found my way to my bed, felt my pockets empty, my stomach surcharged with wine, and some bitter reflections floating in my cranium, mixed up with vapours, and confused by a sort of waking dream. I was now encumbered beyond de- A MAN OF FASHION. 31 scription, and was getting in debt at the rate of about one hundred pounds per week ; whilst my paper was circulat- ing round the town, as briskly as if I had been the firm of a provincial bank. I had goods of all descriptions set down to me in invoices ; most of which I never saw ; I had ironmongers, slop- sellers, wine-merchants, brokers, and money-scriveners, all in my custom. Grates, crockery, household furniture, wine, spirits, and linen, were charged to my account ; a sham sale was made of them ; and the proceeds just kept my servants and my stud, whilst a succes- sion of tradesmen clad and fed me ; and a horse or two, knocked off my es- tablishment and replaced, kept my pocket, and defrayed my subscriptions C 4 32 MEMOIRS OF at White's, the Cocoa-Tree, and New- market. Dining one day with D. B. I was a little surprised to see in the person of one of his many liverymen at table a John Doe, who had placed an epaulet on my shoulder some time before. He perceived that the thing struck me; and the next day, at TattersaFs, he took me aside, and proposed a tete-a-tete dinner at the Piazza Coffee-house, where I got acquainted with Duke Primus, of whom I shall speak hereafter. During dinner, my friend put mc up to a number of new things, and pitied my innocence exceedingly. lie told me that arrests were all bagatelles ; that A MAN OF FASHION. .'33 there were accommodating, fashionable attornies and bailiffs, as well as fash- ionable cyprians and coach-makers ; that a man might carry on the war with splendour, with a brace of disguised bailiffs in the house on executions ; and that as for personal arrest, a stylish bailiff would tip you the wink when there were actions against you, and all you had to do was, either to send him a twenty pound note, and to go out of town for a short time, or to purchase Jew bail, and go to his house, settling the action, and palming him for his decency and good breeding. " Then," said he, " my boy, the whole may be wound up by a lucky hit, a well ma- naged race, or a matrimonial engage- ment." C 5 34 MEMOIRS OF I went home delighted with what I had learned, and most faithfully fol- lowed his instructions. The next night I went to the route of Lady , wife to a high military character in St. James's Square. The room was crowd- ed with beauty and fashion ; but the three graces, who then bore the bell, were Lady Charlotte C , Lady Augusta her sister, and Lady Emily H . What a pity that flowers so fair should ever fade ! I was, on this occasion, introduced to the lovely Duchess of , who gave me an invitation to hunt with her son ; and I shall hereafter detail the hospitality and gallantry of her noble mansion, and give the history of les VeilUes du Chateau, and les petits talons. As I A MAN OF FASHION. 35 owed a bet to Sir John S , I called in at White's to pay it, lost more than I had, gave a memorandum of I. O. U. and was indebted to my dear Lord for the means of paying it next day. A street row called my attention on my way home ; I stopped my vis-a-vis, and got into the thick of it ; and here I formed a friendship with the Honourable George Suspender, since a peer, one of the best hands to clear a street, or to put the ragamuffins to flight, I ever met with. At fist and cudgel, honest George strikes his colours to none; at small and broad sword, he can manfully take his part; he'll ride down any man, 36 MEMOIRS OF and out-talk the devil. I do not know how many hundred men he ran through like larks upon a spit, with his friend General T ; and some say that they ate them ! He is no bad hand at a bow; and is at that (the long one) only beaten by Colonel Thornville Royal. The Honourable George is adored in St. Giles's, known in Newgate, hand and glove with one or two unfortunate high- way-men (during their confinement be it understood), and popular with all the world. George could drink, fight, make love, hunt, gamble, and catch rats. Strange qualifications for an heir to a Peerage ! He also set up a Faro bank, which I nick-named the Green-stall, on account of a sleeping partner of that A MAN OF FASHION. 3J name in the concern ; but George was, and is, too good a fellow to make money by play; and whilst P s, and W s, and T , &c. all made for- tunes by similar speculations, honest George introduced himself to a prison. I now staked a great deal of borrowed money on a race ; but, failing there, I sold my racers, and made a temporary retreat to the country-house of a nabob, whose wife, a Presbyterian, now living not one hundred miles from Stratford- place, honored me with a preference, which flattered me greatly at the time, but which has since appeared to me more of the pot-luck fare of a friendly and of a hospitable roof, of a freehearted and liberal hostess. We used to have de- 38 MEMOIRS OF sultory sermons and impromptu prayers every night, and a great deal of neigh- bourly love every morning. In the homily line, the duties of father and of husband, of mother and of wife, were enlarged upon by the lady, who was always our lecturer. She read well, and detailed these duties in the order above stated — doubtless it was in that form and succession that she learned them herself. Here I met with Sir C. B. who was then a retired spendthrift, and since that period turned out a pe- nurious rich man. Old Trincomalee, the nabob, grew jealous, and I grew fickle. The former circumstance drove me from Park ; but no time has ever driven Madame A MAN OF FASHION. 39 from my grateful remembrance; and she may receive this avowal as a tribute of my highest consideration. Colonel D. I believe, succeeded me in her good will ; but ri import e. I know not at present " cui Jiavam religat comam? She has my best wishes for success in all her undertakings. When I returned to London, I me- ditated on new furnishing my house, and on disposing of the old furniture to pay my perfumer, the celebrated and very honest, liberal and ticking Mr. Smith ; but a Jew broker had shaved me the troblish, having shaved my apartments as clean as an oyster could be picked. Whilst I got new furniture into my house, I was obliged to go to 40 MEMOIRS OF the Royal Hotel, where I was astonished by a visit from one of those A. B. or X. Y. advertising agents, who, knowing the difficulties in which I was plunged, came, kind soul ! without any interest, to offer me his poor services. He is by birth a West Briton, by education a rogue, by profession an attorney. — Through him I learned that all my annuitants were rascals, that there was a flaw in all the indentures tripartite, that my bill-doers were usurers, that other claimants had committed perjury in swearing to unjust debts, and, finally, he engaged to bring me through and set me up, clear of incumbrance, in the best possible form, only requiring an advance of one hundred pounds, to de- fray part of the expenses of contending A MAN OF FASHION. 41 with this host of foes. I gave him a brace of hundreds, by parting with my carriage and horses, and by jobbing to replace the appearance of my turn out. My attorney-friend now became a prime favourite. He bailed me in six- teen actions ; and enabled me to go about as free as air, and to attend the Beef-steak club, and other merry meet- ings. At the former, I got acquainted with C— — M , and improved my acquaintance with Duke Primus. They were both characters: the latter is lately no more ; the former still occasionally presides at " The fancy stirring bowl." In Duke Primus's character there 42 MEMOIRS OF was a great mixture of magnanimity and of meanness, of selfishness and of ge- nerosity, Independent in spirit, he certainly possessed the virtue of patri- otism ; but inwardly covetous of ho- nour, of riches, and of power, no man of his fortune ever did less good. He did, indeed, a few very generous things, but no charitable ones. He buried a great deal of money in useless and osten- tatious buildings ; and hoarded up a great deal more which might have gladdened the heart of the widow and of the orphan. Low and gross in his appetites, he sought for the enjoyments of the tender passion in garrets and cellars, in mire and rags. A romantic Cinderella, raked A MAN OF FASHION. 43 from the kennel, had more charms for him than the fairest of the fair. His wishes were never crowned, half-a crown being the Duke's ultimatum in love. At table he was a great bon vivant ; and his thirst and appetite were equally sur- prising. No man did the honours of his table better ; and I have often heard him say that a good dinner could not last too long, nor a.bad one be over too soon. The character of C M- is too well known to need a comment. His compositions also are sufficient to give his history. There is in them, as in him, a great mixture of solid mascu- line talent, a sympathetic delicacy of 44 MEMOIRS OF feeling, a tender overflowing of the heart, with ever and anon a justness of conclusion and a morality of reflection, which form striking contrasts with the blaze of his wit, frolic, and sensuality. Charles has seen too much of the world to prize it, and too much of the heart of man to trust it. He unbends at the festive board ; but he relapses in soli- tude and in sober hours into the gloom of a reflective mind, which has seen the disappointments and vanities of life again and again. " You would take me," said he to me one day, "for the prince of all dissipation ; I am, never- theless, a man of the most saturnine habits." I consider that Duke Primus used him ill in not leaving him a handsome legacy. A MAN OF FASHION. 45 At my levee, I was favored with a visit from my A. B. friend, who assured me that my concerns were going on marvellously well. He so praised every thing I said and did, that he almost convinced me that I was the eighth wonder of the world. He informed me that law-suits were long, although mine were sure of success : hinted that a little more ready money would be useful ; and proposed to me a wife, having a ready-made one at my service that would fit me as well as new, an elderly spinster, whose character had experienced a flaw, but with a lap full of money. He perceived that I looked indignant, and then promised to find out a better article ; taking my ac- ceptance for two hundred more. 46 MEMOIRS OF My rage now subsided into tranquil- lity: I seriously began to think of sell- ing myself, and was only anxious as to the taking up of my bills. I paraded myself before the glass, approved very much of my own appearance, and re- solved to bring myself to market to the best advantage. " Every thing," said I to myself, "is sold in London; virtue, modesty, principle, elegance, opinion, religion, and politics." Then why should I not dispose of myself, so as to insure, as my friend, the late Mr. Long- wind, used to say, " Indemnity for the past, and security for the future ?" I anxiously longed for my active friend's return, whose versatility of talent seemed to hold out so much resource. At this moment he entered my room. My A MAN OF FASHION. 4~ prime minister now commenced his gross flattery, in such a way, indeed, that I ought to have reflected with the Spaniard, that M Sospechoso voy Quererme, c< Y sin conocerme honrarme 6; Mas parece sabornarme ii Honor, que favorecerme." From the Estuella deSevilla. " These sudden favors with mistrust T view ; c; Why should he love the man he never knew ? " Such honors savor more of bribes than meeds, " To gain my virtue, than reward my deeds." But I was blind to my own imper- fections, and quite alive to the voice of flattery, gross, low, and out of bounds and reason as it was. He had now found a second matrimonial connexion 48 MEMOIRS OF for me, a Jewess, with a very large for- tune ; and he insisted that I should begin courting immediately, certain that my manners and appearance would carry the day. He added, that I ought to mention my estate, and produce the rent-roll, but keep the annuities in the back ground. If, however, any of them should be discovered, he would under- take to forge a receipt, as if it were paid off, but had been left, by mistake, yet registered. Then he would draw out titles to other properties not in exist- ence, particularly in Iretand, and in the West Indies ; and so blind the Jewess's eyes. He proposed introducing me to her at a concert, and concluded by giving me a paper to sign, by which I undertook to pay him ten thousand A MAN OF FASHION. 49 pounds on my marriage with this daughter of Israel, or any other person he could procure. We now parted : I took my usual ride, borrowed a little loose cash of the waiter at the club-house, and came home to dress for dinner at Captain 's, late of the Guards. Captain had set up a very elegant house in Baker Street, with every corresponding appointment. His whole establishment was completely comme ilfaut ; yet his fortune was spent, his commission was sold, and he had lately made a com- promise with his numerous creditors. His ways and means seemed impene- trab^ to me : yet was he visited by all vol. 1. D ?>0 MEMOIRS OF the fashion in town, and had a box at the Opera. His wife, a most accom- plished woman, did the honors of the table in a very engaging and superior manner ; and, notwithstanding all this, he neither played, nor was his wife's good name ever breathed upon by the lips of slander. One circumstance, how- ever, which occurred that day, made me suspect that he had some secret resource, and induced me to make inquiries, which led to a discovery of his plans. Just before dinner, he said to me, " George, I'll place you at dinner by the side of a rich heiress, about whom I will talk to you to-morrow. She is not absolutely handsome ; but she is A MAN OF FASHION. 51 uncommonly agreeable." "And good tempered ?" added I, in a low tone of voice ; fl for I never saw an unmarried woman on the list of promotion who was not good tempered until she got married, nor an ugly woman who had not great qualifications of mind : but which is she ?" He shewed me by a sign, unperceived by the company, a young woman of good figure, with a very white skin, but a face deplorably mawled by the ravages of the small pox, and a black patch under her ear, in- tended to conceal symptoms of in- flammation, which were, nevertheless, too conspicuous. " You'll like her vastly," added he, " when you are better acquainted :" and at this moment the folding doors were thrown open, D 2 LI8RARY UNIVERSITY OF ILLWOtS 52 MEMOIRS OF and a puppy of a butler announced that dinner was served up. I attached myself to my cribbage- faced friend, because I saw every one else paired oft' like doves in a cage ; and I never observed more symptoms of amatory disposition on a Valentine's day amongst the feathered tribe, than at this dinnerparty. Lord C — , now a marquis, a man of great prowess in the champ de f^enus, was placed next a very lovely woman, whose husband was in India, whence she had arrived for the benefit of her health ; and his lordship appeared to do every thing for her amusement in the absence of her caro sposo. A MAN OF FASHION. 53 On the other side of Mrs. was a boarding-school miss of exquisite beauty, paired with a Lincolnshire squire of immense property, just of age, just from college, and as rude and uncultivated a plant as ever grew in a fen. Sir G. J. and Mrs. D. w T ere placed side by side. The lady was then another's, but has since been united to the baronet. If we may believe the Jama clamosa of that day, there has been no great difference in their family arrangements before and since their nuptial ceremony was performed. A faded beauty, highly rouged, sat on r> 3 $4 MEMOIRS OF one side of our host, to whom he was uncommonly attentive. A poor relation of his own was placed by old Colonel Benares, a nabob of great wealth; and she seemed to play off every agacerie of a country kitten, full of archness and frolic, and bent upon sport. The old fellow pur- red her about like a grey tom-cat, and was supremely ridiculous. Every other couple was equally judiciously placed. Our host seemed to divide his atten- tions, and to foster and nourish the different flames which glowed round the festive board, by well-timed eulo- gies and sly remarks, in a most masterly manner. He praised his young cousin's A MAN OF FASHION. 5ft heart, her sprightliness and sensibility, and he plied old Benares so with Cham- pagne, that the pulse of his passion was at least one hundred and fifty per mi- nute ; and the surface of his purple complexion was above fever heat. He looked approvingly at the peer and his adorata ; significantly at me and my new conquest ; whilst he bantered the green-horn squire, and tried to give notoriety to his attentions to the board- ing-school miss ; adding, at the same time, the stimulus of wine, and well- turned compliments on the beauty and accomplishments of the squire's neigh- bour at table, and observing how happy he was to be thus situated. The dinner went off admirably. We d 4 56 MEMOIRS OF had turtle, venison, and every rarity of the season, with the choicest wines ; but I could discover, from hints and re- turnings of thanks, that the peer and the nabob had furnished the turtle and venison, and that other presents had found their way to the captain's larder. Mrs. ; was nothing short of cap- tivating in doing the honours of her house ; and every one went away de- lighted with her courtliness and be- coming ease. I was almost too late for the concert^ but just in time to get introduced to the Jewess. I found my prime minister in an agony of expectation. He had, however, paved my way by eulogizing me usque ad sidera; and he could A MAN OF FASHION. 57 scarcely conceal his raptures, when I gave him an opportunity to introduce me. As I was u hot with the Tuscan grape," and deep in debt, I considered that no time was to be lost. I calculated to a nicety the first heavy demand which would come agakist me ; and I measured the duration of my love-siege accordingly. Indeed, I resolved to draw the enemy out at once, or to storm her outworks. I accordingly fired shot and shell that night, quoted Italian, Spanish, Latin, and French, tattered Milton to pieces, to make happy selec- tions from it, such as — M Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye," &c. Then, when she dropped her eye-lid D 5 58 MEMOIRS OF with a mock-modest look, I attacked her with " Occhi stelle mortale " Ministri de miei male, &c. I swore that her black eyes would be the death of me, kissed her huge brown fist, pressed it to my bosom, squeezed her palm until she screamed out, fright- ened her old mother out of her wits by the extravagance of my conduct, but obtained permission of Rachael -to visit her the next day. " Glorious and immortal, by all the gods !" exclaimed my delighted agent in iniquity. " You are the first of all mankind in talent and in attraction : the day's our own, my hero : we shall have the money shelled down in less A MAN OF FASHION. 59 than a fortnight/' continued he, in all the madness of golden vision. I took him home in my carriage, and we got so notoriously drunk, that two of my servants were obliged to carry him to bed, and the next day he could scarcely raise his head from off the pillow. I waked, however, in very high order for courtship ; for I felt almost delirious, and had all the madness of poetry, without the inspiration. To give me additional spirit, I put a glass of brandy into my coffee ; and I resolved to gallop full speed to my dul- cinea's door in Duke's Place, and to vault from my saddle like a winged Mercury ; nothing doubting but that this display of my activity would do a 60 MEMOIRS OF great deal in my favour ; whilst I left old six-and-eightpence hors de combat, unable to sign a dozen of writs, which I gloried in. Besides, I stole a couple of these from his pocket ; so that those parties were quite safe for a little time. What was my surprise, however, on pe- rusing them, to find that one was des- tined for myself! He, however, ac- counted for this by saying, that he took it out of another lawyer's hands, and kept it in his own that it might not be executed. The truth, as I afterwards discovered, was, that he meant to give it to a brother limb to execute, was to find bail for me, and if, at any time I did not forward his mercenary views, he was to get my bail to surrender me without warning. A MAN OF FASHION. 6l But to return to Rachael. She had a very fine Grecian eye, a good outline of countenance, was fat, and by no means ill-looking, barring vulgarity, and the stamp of her tribe. I made desperate love at this second interview ; took very unbecoming liberties, which she suffered very indulgently ; and at last I fairly popped the question to her, and obtained her promise to speak to her father and mother, and to meet me the next day in Moorfields. Delighted with my success, I came home, and found old habeas corpus not yet removed. I gave him new life by my recital ; kept him again to dinner ; took him to make some very odd visits, turned him into ridicule, and then sent 62 MEMOIRS OF him home in my carriage. I reeled into the Opera, got into a quarrel with a gen- tleman's coachman who tried to cut my vis-a-vis out, caned him (for which I had afterwards forty pounds to pay), went to W .'s to try my luck, lost all the loose cash which I had borrowed of my prime minister, gave my note for three hundred pounds, which sobered me, and walked home in a most melan- choly mood. A MAN OF FASHION. 63 CHAFFER III. On my way home I was abruptly accosted by a female of most interesting appearance. Her figure was tall and slender, but peculiarly elegant ; her voice was harmonious ; and she had not the least air of immodesty. She was neatly dressed; and had a pocket hand- kerchief in her hand, containing a small bundle. She implored me in the most pathetic accents, to respect her inno- cence and misfortunes, and not to con- ceive a bad opinion of her for being out of doors at that improper hour, alone, 64- MEMOIRS OF unprotected, and in the street. She declared that the cold pavement, and the canopy of heaven, must, without my assistance, be her curtain and her bed ; for that she had neither home nor shelter, money nor friends. She said that she had been turned out of her lodgings at ten o'clock at night, and had wandered the streets from that hour until two ; scarcely daring to beg, and not knowing where to hide her wretched head. I looked on her curiously, suspici- ously, yet pitifully. There appeared nothing of the adventuress or mendi- cant, nothing of the cyprian or of the swindler, about her ; and I immediately offered her my house as an asylum, A MAN OF FASHION. 65 whieh, upon hearing that I was a single man, she modestly declined. I then proposed that she should go to one of the inns, from which stages start at all hours ; that I should give my name and address, representing her as a respect- able person, well known to me, who had been locked out of her lodgings ; and that I should deposit what would insure her respect and good treatment. I accordingly went, and leaving my address, and a gold repeater, for I had no money, I saw cold meat and wine procured for her, and ordered a good bed to be provided, under a promise that she would breakfast there, and see me again in the morning. 66 MEMOIRS OF On our way to the inn, in a hackney coach, she informed me that she was the daughter of a clergyman deceased ; that her father and mother were no more ; that her father, having nothing to subsist on but his living, could leave no fortune behind him ; that her four brothers had perished by the sword and destructive climates, in the army and navy ; that she had been sent as go- verness to a boarding-school in the west of England, and from thence went into a noble family, which she named, where she gave instructions to two young ladies, and was companion to their mother ; but that she was obliged to fly from that roof, to avoid the guilty importunities of the lady's hus- A MAN OF FASHION. 6f band, and for fear of involving a family in exposure and domestic misery. Since that period, all her endeavours to procure a situation had been unavail- ing : she had subsisted on the sale of her clothes; latterly, she had been buoyed up with the vain hopes of selling a novel, which she had composed ; but that on that very morning the book- seller had returned it to her, pro- nouncing it unfit for sale ; and adding, that high-flown sentiment, delicate ex- pression, and moral maxims, in the present day, were wholly unsaleable ; and that nothing but wit and scandal, or, indeed, scandal with or without wit, would answer a publisher's purpose. 68 MEMOIRS OF She was now come to her last change of clothes, which was contained in her handkerchief; and, being in debt for a month's lodging, her barbarous hostess turned her out of doors, adding, that she must either be a fool or a woman of dishonest principle, not to make the most of her person, and to pay her just debts. As to her future views, she told me that it was her intention, if any chari- table person could give her the means, to return to her boarding-school, where her good character would insure her a welcome ; and, rather to act in a menial capacity, than to owe even a fortune to the wages of infamy. I strongly ap- plauded her noble resolution ; and A MAN OF FASHION. 69 assured her that she should not want a friend to promote her interest, and to rescue her from ruin. The reflection of having done one good action, came across me like a beam of light, which cheered me under all my disappointments and difficulties. Like an angel's visit, comes self-appro- bation to the distracted mind ; and, often in the midst of vice, or in the chequered scenes of folly and of dissipation, a generous deed humanizes an existence which would otherwise be brutal and irrational. One service rendered to un- protected woman, elevates the heart of man to the dignity of a hero. No one has felt that glow more frequently than a certain peer, who shall be nameless ; 70 MEMOIRS OF and who, never divested of the weakness and fallibility of the man, could always come to the recover, could always lighten up life's picture by the pre- dominance of sunshine over every shade. I awoke with a maddening head- ache ; I reflected on my folly in losing the little ready money which I had, and of giving a draft, which, without the aid of my only friend, Lord , would not be answered, I sent to invite him to dine with me that day ; but he was in love, and could not come. How- ever, he sent me the needful, relying on my honor ; for my security was not then worth a sixpence, and I was deeply in debt to him. I would have given the A MAN OF FASHION. 71 world to have remained in bed ; but I had an assignation with my Jewess, and also an act of benevolence to perform. I returned to the inn, where I found my new friend very neatly dressed : she appeared irresistibly pleasing, and ex- tremely modest in her deportment. After thanking me in a shower of tears, she solicited me to send her off that very day, and only required the fare of her coach. I had, however, provided otherwise ; by stepping, for the first time in my life, into a pawnbroker's shop on my way, and pledging) valuables to the amount of twenty pounds ; out of which I paid the small bill at the inn, and then gave her the remainder. 72 MEMOIRS OF I requested her address at the boarding- school, which she gave ; and I assured her that I should make a subscription for her, which should rescue her from the necessity of performing any menial office, the amount of which I should enclose in a week, accompanied by a letter of most anxious inquiries after her health and happiness. This part of my discourse had so violent an effect upon her, that, had I not supported her in my arms, she would have sunk upon the floor. Her head now fell reclined upon my shoulder ; and her arm hung grace- fully down in nature's powerful ex- pression of dejection and languor. I raised her gently up, and conveyed her to a sofa, where she reclined some A MAN OF FASHION. jo seconds; and then, after many hysterical struggles, found relief at last in a de- luge of tears, interrupted by deep and heavy sighs. Let the cold-blooded moralist, and the stern professor of religion which has no pity in its creed, reason and rebuke, suspect imposture, and double- lock his hard heart against woman's tears, and against woman's frailty ; let him preserve his marble brow, his iron countenance, his unblushing and un- changed features ; let him clear his chest and his conscience at the same time by a hem, and pass by suffering beauty; turning a deaf ear to those chords of sympathy, which, in their vibration, rend the breast of humanity. VOL. I. E 74 MEMOIRS OF As for myself, inconsistent being as I am — composed of much evil, strangely mixed with some particles of good — I could, at that moment, have cast my- self in devotion on the earth, and have sobbed out supplications for mercy ou such a head : I could have impor- tuned the highest throne for comfort and for a balm, for those wounds. Nay, my gay companions, sons of morning and of midnight revels, children of the sun-ray, and festive self-destroyers, to you I also confess, that although my blood galloped in my veins like the fiery chariot of day ; although every pulse throbbed with desire and admiration ; although the contact of woman's breast lit up an interest in mine which almost consumed me, and which left me no A MAN OF FASHION. 75 other sensation ; yet was I ruled by the respect which manhood owes to unpro- tectedness ; and, if I had then one vein of my heart which could have rebelled against sacred honor, I think my hand could have let out the purple tide, and thus have purified my being. Oh ! how I wished at that time to prolong the pressure of that head upon my shoulder; yet with what precipitation did I re- move the dangerous charmer, the en- chanting temptation : yes, friends, at that juncture, I could have cast my tattered fortune and myself at the dear woman's feet ; and how I, who never was out of a scrape, or disentangled from some im- prudence, came to escape on that occa- sion, I know not. I saw her off by the coach. e 2 7$ MEMOIRS OF My friend, Captain , now called, who informed me that my mignonette inamorata was the only daughter of a rich sugar-baker; that her father was no more; and that she was at her own disposal ; that she had been thrice on the eve of matrimony ; but her per- sonal imperfections had prevented the completion of the bargain, notwith- standing the magnitude of her fortune, of which my friend communicated the particulars, not without exaggeration. He proceeded to state, that his house had been extremely fortunate ; for that four matches had been made out of it : two nabobs, rolling in gold, to de- serving young women, with small fortunes, i. e. in plain English, without A MAN OF FASHION. 77 a farthing ; and two heiresses married to ruined men of fashion. He assured me 3 that the Lincolnshire squire would certainly marry the young boarding-school lady, whose father had ruined himself, and had left her but five hundred pounds in the world, most of which had gone to accomplish her highly, under the matronage of his wife, who brought her out ; and that it w T ould be my own fault if I did not whip up the saccharine heiress myself. " I know," said he, " that you are a little in the wind ; and if you succeed, you will not forget me ; for I am d d poor just at present." I squeezed his hand, and assured him of my perfect con- sideration : "yo estimo mucho,paderoso £ 3 78 MEMOIRS OF senor" said I ; and I was delighted to see him depart. I naturally concluded (and I was right) that he was only a more gentle- manlike doer of dirty work than my prime minister ; that he was a regular wedlock agent ; and his house was neither more nor less than a marriage register office. At that time, two young candidates for Hymen boarded in his house, under the pretence of being on a visit there ; and he was deeply in debt to Lincoln Green, whose marriage was to wash off the score. He had also got a pretty nibble from the nabob, whom he kept daily in a state of stupe- faction and love, by dinners and the fair cousin s amatory manoeuvres ; and, when A MAN OF FASHION. 7y that event took place, he hoped he should never want a loan, nor a friend to back him, in case of need. My first emotion was indignation and contempt: but worldliness soon stepped in, and told me that the Captain was not so much to blame ; and I accord- ingly resolved to keep two strings to my bow, and to have the sugar-loaf in view, lest Shadrach should not consent to give Rachael to my needy embraces. I now determined to press my point with the Israelite ; for, in my Moorfields inter- view with Rachael, she had the art to keep my flame alive, by doubt and by anxiety. Her father^ she said, would not hear of her marrying, to leave his house (the idea of a Duke's-Place resi- dence horrified me) : but she knew that E 4 80 MEMOIRS OF mothersh would watch a favorable op- portunity when she could do any thing with him (so much for female influ- ence) ; and she herself would meet me in the City Road, and let me know, in two days more, the result of the negociation, In the mean time, I got acquainted with the sugar-bakers heiress, and thus was armed at all points. This little reserve I kept a secret from my prime minister, whose assiduities were unwearied, and whose exertions to keep my hundred and twenty creditors at bay were not a little laborious. However, he always kept turning the penny, fan- cying one day a horse, and on another a snuff box, and getting my acceptances for double what he advanced, partly on A MAN OF FASHION. 81 the score of payment, and partly under pretence of carrying on all these law- suits. My suit with Rachael was, how- ever, the only successful one; for her fa- ther agreed to accept of my pretty person as a cross in his family, provided that on referring him to my man of business, he was shatishfied with my fortune and connexions. I accordingly referred him to my premier, who lied and swore, and produced forged documents, suffi- cient to carry our point. My negocia- tor next required to be satisfied on his part, that the young lady's noble for- tune should be well secured; and begged to have chapter and verse, in black and white, for every pound ster- ling. A day was appointed for this purpose ; and our wedding-day was E 5 82 MEMOIRS OP fixed conditionally. Shadrach now af- fected illness, and put off the meeting with my lawyer ; whilst Rachael and I languished at the delay, and " Looked and sighed, looked and sighed, u Sighed and looked, and sighed again. " At length Rachael hit upon a way of easing my pain, which was to elope without her father's consent. She said that he could not bear to part with her, but that when the deed was done, he must come down handsomely; and she assured me, that if I would agree to take a house in the country, so as to live together, she was certain that he would part with an immense sum in order to keep her with him. Besides, added she, I shall take bonds to the A MAN OF FASHION. 83 amount of thirty thousand pounds with me ; for he confides all his secrets to me, and he must give us them. This appeared a little like a forced loan, or rather something savouring of disho- nesty; but M ■ when a lady's in the case, " You know all other things give place." So I consented to the elopement, and fixed every thing for that purpose on the next night. I now prevailed upon a money-lendei to advance me two hundred pounds on a bond for four, payable at a short date ; and I arranged every thing for my de- parture for Gretna-green, when, to my utter astonishment, my prime minister arrived, pale and almost breathless, and 84 MKMOIRS OF informed me that I owed more than my life to him, namely, my fortune, having just come to save me from ruin ; for, that if I had married the Jewess, I should have been irrevocablv lost. He further stated, that her father was nothing but a hired acceptor of bills, a hack bail for distressed rakes, a procurer of money without any funds of his own ; and that Lord Longtick and Sir Harry Throwover had run him so hard, that he must inevitably become a bank- rupt ; that this was the reason why he could not explain his property to my man of business; and that the runaway match betwixt Rachael and myself was to have made up his other losses. " A pretty diamond cut diamond !" exclaimed my double-faced attorney. A MAN OF FASHION. 85 " But how to put off the lady?" said I, "what a disappointment for her!" "Oh! d — n her/' said he, a leave that to me." I suggested the propriety of shamming illness, and of getting him to see the fa- ther ; and, on his refusing to settle handsomely on his daughter, to break off gently ; but he insisted on blowing the parties up, and on threatening a law- suit, by which manoeuvre, I was after- wards informed, he extorted from Sha- drach a trifle in the form of hush- money. He now set his wits to work, to find out another match ; for our paper was nearly coming due. I, on my part, felt deeply in love with Eliza Manner- ing ; such was the name of the young 86 MEMOIRS OF female I had relieved ; but poverty obliged me to sell myself, and I kept up a correspondence with the lady with the marked countenance, and with the black patch under her ear, not, howe- ver, without suffering acutely, for my affections were in the West, and I ex- perienced that u Dearly bought the hidden treasure, " Finer feelings can bestow ;