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ON 
 
 BY 
 
 Mrs. M. F. ARMSTRONG. 
 
 Wrillen origiiiallj for tiie Stiideiits of tlie Haiiiptoii 1 aiid A. Iiistitiite. 
 
 REVISED edition. 
 
 ADAPTED TO GENERAL USE. 
 
 HAMPTON, VA. 
 
 NORMAL SCHOOL PRESS, PRINT. 
 1888. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1888, 1 7 
 S. C. ARMSTRONG, 
 
 In the Office of the Librarian of Congress. 
 
3 S' 
 
 A i f' 
 
 PREFACE TO REVISED EDITION, 
 
 Hampton, Va., July, 1888. 
 
 The revision of this little book is a result of the suggestions of 
 teachers who for the past ten years have been using it in their class 
 rooms. The scope of the subject is such that it is impossible to deal 
 with it satisfactorily within the limits of a text book, and we only 
 claim for our present work that it is an embodiment, so far as we can 
 make it so, of a general experience of the needs of our students. 
 
 We have endeavored to make it constructive rather than critical, 
 and we ask those who may use it, either as teacher or pupil, to re- 
 member that it is not safe to adopt the manners of any individual as 
 a standard, for even the most careful are liable to lapses, and it is al- 
 ways the general law which should be regarded, rather than the spec- 
 ial instance. 
 
 Finally, most of us need to be reminded that picking flaws in 
 other peoples’ manners, does not help to mend our own, and that 
 now and always, here and everywhere, it is only a gentle soul which 
 can give us the best part of gentle breeding. 
 
 M F. A. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 To be truly a gentleman or lady, in the best and broadest mean- 
 ing of the words, is to be something more than most of us think of 
 when we apply the terms in a general way, or as a mere class distinc- 
 tion. 
 
 It is not to those who are rich; it is not to those to whom the 
 accident of birth may have given special advantages; it is not even to 
 those who are educated, or who claim the title for themselves, that 
 the name “ gentleman ” or “ lady ” rightfully belongs ; and as, with 
 very few exceptions, we all desire to win this honor for ourselves, our 
 first need is to make sure that we know just what we want — that we 
 know what it is that is really meant by the words so frequently upon 
 our lips. 
 
 Long ago one of the old English poets wrote this beautiful de- 
 scription of our Saviour : 
 
 “ A soft, meek, patient, humble, tranquil spirit, 
 
 The first true gentleman that ever breathed.’^ 
 
 And here, indeed, we find the ensample wherein is summed up all the 
 graciousness which goes to make a “ gentle ” life. Do not think, then 
 that I aim too high when I tell you that to be gentlemen and ladies 
 is to be pure, conscientious and honorable, to be delicate and unselfish, 
 careful always of the rights of others, and refined and gentle in the 
 manner of our lives — that, in a word, it is to reach the highest type 
 of man-and woman-hood. 
 
 But of the great lessons which we must all learn in order to 
 mould our natures after this perfect model, it is not my business now, 
 and here, to speak. It is only with the “ outward, visible sign of the 
 inward, spiritual truth,” that I have to deal in these pages, which I 
 am permitted to dedicate to you; and I have to offer you, first of all. 
 
6 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 a few words of explanation as to the nature of the work which lies be- 
 fore us. 
 
 You have already, doubtless, realized that society, (by which 
 word we mean all the various combinations of men and women, — all 
 the numerous conditions under which men and women mingle with 
 each other), makes certain demands upon each of its individual mem- 
 bers; and you have also begun to see that just in proportion to the de- 
 velopment of .society, and the height to which you rise in the social 
 scale, are the number and stringency of these demands. That is, that 
 while in the backwoods cabin you may eat in the coarsest fashion, or 
 go unwashed for days without exciting surprise, you will find that 
 among another class of people such behavior would result in your 
 own social disgrace. 
 
 Now, among the most refined classes of the most highly civilized 
 nations — that is, among people who have had the greatest advantages 
 of birth, education and nature — there exists a code of social law 
 which is just as inexorable as the law of the State. It has grown with 
 the growth of civilization, and among the people who live within its 
 influence, has produced certain habits and customs which you must 
 study and follow if you desire to gain the external attributes of gentili- 
 ty, and associate easily and pleasantly with your fellow-beings. 
 
 While honesty and purity of life are the suresfifoundation for true 
 refinement of character, the details of daily life wherein such refine- 
 ment shows itself are a study by themselves, 'and demand your 
 careful attention. In the following pages I shall try to give you the 
 principal laws of good society, and as many of its minor regulations as 
 are likely to be of use to you, trusting that your own earnestness and 
 persistence may make this little book a real and permanent assistance 
 toward a better life. M. F. A. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THE ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 
 
 There is no place where it is easier to recognize refine- 
 ment, or the want of it, than at the table ; and to those of 
 you who are beginning to understand how good a thing it 
 is to be ‘‘gentlemen and ladies,’’ that is, to be really re- 
 fined and delicate in the manner of j^our lives, I offer the 
 following simple rules, assuring you that society will al- 
 ways be largely influenced in its judgment of you by your 
 behavior at table, and that, if you wish to take the first step 
 in social education, you must do your best to become at ease 
 in the details of table etiquette. 
 
 Taking for granted that you understand already the 
 necessity of making your dress and person as neat as the na- 
 ture of your work will permit, before you present yourself 
 at table, I must ask you to remember that haste in seating 
 or helping yourself before others is simply unpardonable, 
 being so gross a violation of good manners, that I trust your 
 own instinct and kind feeling will make it unnecessary for 
 me to do more than allude to it. 
 
8 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 Premising, therefore, that you have seated yourself qui- 
 etly (aud I would here remark, that, as in well ordered 
 households there is no irregularity in the time of meals, so 
 there should be promptness on the part of individuals), I 
 want you to be careful always to exchange polite and kind- 
 ly greetings with those who sit at meat with you, whom 
 you may not have previously met during the day. A cheery 
 Good-morning,” a bright smile, a bow to any one who 
 may not be near enough for a word, serve to make the meet 
 ing pleasant, and to open the way for the conversation ^ 
 which is, or ought to be, an important part of every mea . 
 That is, while loud or careless talk is of course inadmissible 
 it is a wise and pleasant thing to converse, in low tones, eas 
 ily, upon topics of general interest (never in whispers or up- 
 on purely personal matters); for this prevents you from fall- 
 ng into the graceless and unwholesome habit of fast eating, 
 and when you have been working hard is often a mental 
 rest and relief. 
 
 And now your repast is before you, and the first ques- 
 tion which presents itself is one which I trust you will have 
 no difficulty in answering, that is, ‘'’Whom will you first 
 help, your neighbor or yourself? ” 
 
 Surely I do not need to tell you that you have no more 
 important duty at table as everywhere else, than to attend 
 to the comfort of your companions. You must see that 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 9 
 
 those about you are served, you must assist them so far as 
 your position will permit, (never stretching out your arms or 
 standing up to reach anything,) and you must continue your 
 vigilance so long as you remain at table, passing dishes 
 which are within your reach, asking politely if your neigh- 
 bors want anything which you can give them, never helping 
 yourself greedily or taking the last of anything unless you 
 know that a second supply is to be had, and finally, never on 
 any account rising from the table until every one else is 
 ready, or you are excused for some reason of real im- 
 portance. 
 
 There are certain well-known rules in regard to the 
 manner of eating, which you must obey absolutely if you 
 intend to become well-bred men and women. 
 
 The knife must be held in the right hand, and the 
 fork in the left, when you are eating anything which requires 
 to be cut ; but in eating fish, or other substances which do 
 not need to be cut, the knife should be laid down, the fork 
 taken in the right hand, and a piece of bread in the left, by 
 the aid of which you can take up your food upon your fork, 
 and convey it to your mouth. To eat with your knife is 
 one of the cardinal sins at table ; it stamps you at once as 
 ill-bred, or unpardonably careless. In taking soup, tea, 
 cofiee, or any fiuid food, you must carefully avoid making 
 any sound while drinking ; swallow the liquid, whatever it 
 
lo ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 may be, in small quantities and quietly ; while in using a 
 epoon there must be no gurgling or spilling. 
 
 The fingers should never be used directly, if it is pos- 
 sible to avoid it ; for example, when you want to dip bread 
 or crackers into gravy, milk, syrup, etc., you should do it 
 by breaking the bread or other solid into the fluid, and con- 
 veying it thence to your mouth with a fork or spoon. 
 
 Your own share of the table furniture ; that is, your 
 plates, cup, glass, knife, fork, spoon, etc., are for the time 
 being your own private property, and must never be used by 
 others, and in the case of the last three, must not be used by 
 you in helping yourself from any dish from which others are 
 eating. 
 
 Butter-knives, salt-spoons, table spoons, etc., are for the 
 general use, and must never be superseded by your private 
 knife, spoon or fork, and you must never pass your plate 
 with any of these upon it, buc must remove them, and lay 
 them upon the cloth beside you until your plate is returned. 
 
 To pour anything from your cup into your saucer is not 
 allowable, and you must not drink with the spoon in your 
 'Cup, but after stirring your tea you should put the spoon in 
 the saucer, being particularly careful to place it there when 
 your cup is passed. 
 
 Do not blow any kind of food, but have patience until it 
 €Ools without your* help, and r^void, if possible, any close 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 1 1 
 
 examination of dishes which are passed to you, or of any- 
 thing that is upon your own plate. If you find anything 
 disagreeable remove it yourself as quietly as you can, or hand 
 it, without calling attention to it, to the waiter. 
 
 If you have preferences in regard to difierent parts of a 
 dish, do not hesitate to mention them, if you are asked, but 
 not otherwise ; and, as a general rule, it is best to make 
 no remarks upon the food while you are at table. After 
 the meal is over, is the proper time to discuss, criticize, or 
 mention to those in authority, anything unusual that you 
 may have noticed at table. 
 
 If it is necessary to remove from the mouth anything 
 which may have found its way into your food by accident, 
 this may be done usually under cover of your hand or your 
 handkerchief, but always in such a manner as to attract the 
 least possible attention. 
 
 The use of the toothpick should be postponed, if possible, 
 until after leaving the dining-room, but if it is used at table 
 it must be behind your hand or handkerchief, and with the 
 greatest care. 
 
 Your position at table should be erect ; there must be 
 no lounging, no pushing back or tilting of the chair (which 
 should be placed at a convenient distance from the table and 
 your neighbors), and never moved until you are ready to rise ; 
 and, above all, no leaning of the arms or head upon the table, 
 or the back of your neighbor’s chair. 
 
12 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 Keep your food upon your plate or plates as much as 
 possible, bread being the only thing which you can with 
 invariable propriety lay upon the cloth beside you. 
 
 If you are obliged to cough or sneeze, the head must be 
 turned entirely away from the table, and the mouth and nose 
 covered with the pocket-handkerchief. 
 
 You should avoid blowing your nose at table, and must 
 not arrange your dress, hair, or any part of your person, as 
 these things can be done properly only in your own bed- 
 rooms, or ill places set apart for that purpose. Kever speak 
 while in the act of eating, and never under any circum- 
 stances over-fill your mouth. 
 
 The above rules include all that you most need to know 
 in regard to the proprieties of the table ; and I can add to 
 them only the one broad rule, that you should never do any- 
 thing which may ofi^end the sense of the most refined person 
 present, because, while there may be a certain latitude 
 allowed in general society, the laws of the table are exact 
 and unvarying. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 CARE OF THE PERSON. 
 
 One of the fundamental conditions of civilized, not to 
 say refined, society, is cleanliness. The house, trom the cel- 
 lar to the garret, must be clean , the table, in all its appoint- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 
 
 13 
 
 merits, scrupulously neat ; and, above all, the body should 
 be guarded in every particular against even the suspicion of 
 uncleanliness. The first step in this direction is the morning 
 bath — a necessity and a luxury which should never, in 
 winter or summer, be omitted. No matter how hurried you 
 may be, or how unwilling to make what seems at the 
 moment an exertion, you should never fail to bathe yourself 
 thoroughly from head to foot in cool, fresh water, before you 
 dress yourself for the day. The simplest and pleasantest 
 way to do this is to have a large tub of tin or wood half 
 filled with water, into which you can step, and with a large 
 sponge or piece of coarse cloth, and plenty of soap, rub the 
 skin upon every part of your body until all impurities are 
 removed and the senses of sight and smell both assure you 
 that you are beginning the day with a clean body. In case 
 it is not convenient for you to procure or to use a tub, a 
 large basin must take its place, though bf course you cannot 
 stand in this, but with the sponge or coarse cloth must be 
 equally careful to rub every portion of your skin. Having 
 by the use of the soap (which you must apply with your 
 sponge or cloth) removed or neutralized all the secretions of 
 the skin and all the foreign substances which may adhere to 
 it, you should then rinse off the soap with pure water, and 
 finally rub and dry yourself thoroughly with a clean towel, 
 which is all the better for being coarse. 
 
14 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 This, then, is the general outline of the morning bath 
 with which every civilized man and woman should begin 
 the day, and without which no one has any right to consider 
 himself or herself clean. 
 
 But there are some details which require your attention, 
 and I shall take them in what might be called their natural 
 order, beginning with the hair. 
 
 The hair and the skin of the head must be washed as 
 often as once or twice a week with clean water, without 
 soap. The use of oils and pomatum is, as a general thing, a 
 mistake, as they clog the pores of the skin, and are more 
 likely to produce than to prevent diseases of the hair, in addi- 
 tion to which, their odor is usually unpleasant. The use of 
 pure water, and thorough brushing once or twice a day, with 
 such combing as is necessary to keep the hair from matting, 
 will, in most cases, ensure the cleanliness of both the hair and 
 the skin of the head. 
 
 The ears must be carefully washed with a sponge or soft 
 cloth. Nothing hard or rough should be used in cleaning 
 them, and the wax which collects in them should never be 
 removed except by washing, as the delicacy of the ears is 
 such that it is possible to produce deafness by carelessness in 
 the treatment of them* 
 
 The teeth must be cleaned morning and night with a 
 toothbrush, clear water, and either toothpowder or scap. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 15 
 
 No toothpowder should be used except that which can be 
 procured from respectable druggists and dentists, for it i& 
 very easy to destroy the enamel of the teeth, and the quack 
 powders used by many ignorant people are usually made of 
 detergents so powerful as to increase rather than prevent 
 the decay of the teeth. If it is possible to clean the teeth 
 and rinse the mouth after each meal, it should be done ; but,, 
 in any case, a thorough cleaning should be given night and 
 morning, for by this means only can you keep your teeth 
 sound and white, and your breath free from offense. If thi& 
 habit is established in early childhood, a fine set of teeth is 
 almost invariably the result, while toothaches are avoided 
 and dentists set at naught, “a consummation most devoutly 
 to be wished for.” 
 
 The hands and feet need special care, for the nails of 
 the former must be always carefully cut and cleaned with a 
 knife or nail-scissors every day, while they must be washed 
 several times a day, in particular, both before and after eat- 
 ing. The toes must be washed and dried carefully every 
 morning, while, whenever it is necessary, the nails must be 
 cut, and all corns or growths of that nature, must be pared 
 with a knife or otherwise removed, in order to prevent the 
 feet from becoming a source of great pain and annoyance. 
 
 The habits of cleanliness which will result frorq obe- 
 dience to the above simple rules, will do much toward keep- 
 
i6 
 
 ox HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ing your bodies in a healthy condition, for a clean skin is 
 one of tlie essentials of health, so that you have a double 
 motive to induce you to learn to be clean, in the fact that 
 you can never have either health or refinement except upon 
 the broad foundation of cleanliness. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 PERSONAL HAETTS. 
 
 In associating with our fellow-men and women, in general 
 society, which we are all, to a greater or less extent, obliged 
 to do, and in which many of us find our greatest pleasures, I 
 want you to notice how closely the Christian law and the 
 law of Society are united in respect to the principles of re- 
 finement. To be a Christian one must love one’s neighbor 
 as one’s self, — to be a gentleman or lady one must at least 
 seem to do so, and must bear one’s self in all things as if the 
 comfort and well being of one’s neighbor were the first and 
 highest consideration. True politeness involves frequent, 
 indeed continual self-sacrifice, and it is this undoubtedly 
 which makes it so hard for us to practice it in our homes, or 
 at seasons when we fancy the eye of the world is no longer 
 upon us and we can be rude and selfish without fear of be- 
 ing held up to ridicule and contempt. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 17 
 
 It is of the details of this politeness, this habitual refine- 
 ment, that I hope to teach you something ; and I shall have 
 now to ask you to follow me patiently through what may 
 seem to you an unnecessarily minute account of the number- 
 less social regulations to which gentlemen and ladies submit 
 themselves, reminding you once more that there is no short 
 road to the refinements of life, and that even those who are 
 trained from their birth cannot rid themselves of the neces- 
 sity for constant care and watchfulness. 
 
 Before, however, I begin upon this part of our work I 
 have something to say to you upon a subject which is of very 
 great interest to mo.^t people, and that is the matter of 
 ‘^Dress.” 
 
 Now it is undeniable that our personal appearance does, 
 to a greater or less extent, influence our lives, has often an 
 intimate connection with our worldly success or failure, and, 
 in short, is a matter worthy of sober consideration. To be 
 slatternly, unneat, and careless ; to dress in an extravagant, 
 ill-chosen fashion ; to wear uncomfortable and unnatural 
 garments; to make either too much or too little of your 
 clothes, is a serious mistake, and one against which 
 I greatly desire to help you to guard yourselves. And what 
 I want you first to remark is, that while, as I have said, 
 your personal appearance may and probably does affect your 
 life, your life most certainly afiects your personal appearance. 
 
l8 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 Unconsciously, perhaps to you, but still most surely, your 
 vices and virtues are moulding with strong hands, your face, 
 your form, your very dress, and are forcing you in spite of 
 yourself to carry about with you an index to the manner of 
 your life, which all the world may read. If you think this 
 an exaggeration let me ask you to look about for a moment 
 among your companions. Here is Laziness in the girl with 
 unneat hair and collar awry, who, as you can see, has been 
 unwilling to make the exertion which neatness requires; 
 here is Coarseness in the boy with dirty hands and person to 
 match; here Vanity in the shape of tawdry ribbons and 
 mock jewelry ; and here, perhaps. Dishonesty in one who 
 from a room-mate’s trunk has taken some small article which 
 may be used without detection, or may be said to have been 
 “ borrowed.” On the other hand, too, is it not pleasant to 
 find Thrift in the plain but well-cared-for dress of some boy 
 who has little to spend and means to spend that little hon- 
 estly ; Modesty in the quiet neatness of some sweet-faced 
 girl ; Unselfishness in some simple garb which is bare of 
 ornament in order that its wearer may help a needy friend? 
 
 While I do not, by any means, claim that in all cases 
 one can trust to outward signs, yet surely they have much 
 to do with the judgment which we for m of one another, and 
 are therefore of real importance to every station in life, and 
 in both sexes. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 19 
 
 In regard, then, to the clothes which we wear, two 
 things may be considered certain, namely, that we shall 
 in the main follow the prevailing fashion of our time and 
 country, and that in detail we shall follow the bent of our 
 own tastes, so that while the limits of our obedience to the 
 fashion of the day will be regulated by our consciences and 
 our purses, our characters as individuals will have not a lit- 
 tle to do with the cut and color of our garments. 
 
 Now I think there are few among you who will not 
 confess that to be well dressed is a desirable thing, but dif- 
 ferences of opinion may very probably commence when we 
 begin to discuss the meaning of this term ‘‘well-dressed,’’ 
 and much must necessarily be left to your own good taste 
 and experience. There are, however, two or three essentials, 
 and these, as is proper, shall come first. Cleanliness and 
 Fitness, you will see at once, are absolutely necessary and 
 are within the reach of almost everybody, while the third 
 essential. Comfort, is seldom sacrificed, except by unwise 
 people, who fancy that to distort and cramp different parts 
 of their bodies is the way to obtain grace and beauty, which 
 is undoubtedly one ot the important ends for which we strive 
 in the endeavor to dress well. 
 
 Having established, then, our three primary essentials, 
 Cleanliness, Fitness, and Comfort, we have come to a point 
 where the differences in the dress of the sexes make it neces- 
 
20 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 sary for us to divide our subject, as the rules binding upon 
 one sex are not always equally binding upon the other, and 
 both fashion and common sense ordain that there shall be a 
 marked distinction in the dress ot men and women. Our 
 next chapter, therefore, will be especially for young women. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 FOR YOUNG WOMEN. 
 
 Taking the articles of your dress in their customary 
 order, I shall first speak of the underclothing, which is of 
 primary importance to your health and comfort. 
 
 Next the skin, flannel should always be worn, heavy in 
 winter, but in summer as light as possible; and the reason 
 for this is a sanitary one, for nothing so effectually protects 
 the skin from the effect of cold in winter, and the danger of 
 chills during the profuse perspiration of summer, as some 
 woolen material, flannel being the best and cheapest. 
 
 These garments may be made in diflterent ways, but 
 should always come up to the throat, entirely covering the 
 chest; should be made with sleeves to reach at least half way 
 to the elbow (for the under part of the upper arm and the 
 armpit are exceedingly sensitive parts of the body), and 
 should come well down over the hips. Once a week these 
 -under jackets must be changed, for the excretions from the 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 
 
 21 
 
 skin will thoroughly soil them in that; time, although no 
 stain or mark of dirt may be apparent to the eye. All 
 the cotton garments must also be changed at least once 
 a week, and it is often desirable to change them more^ 
 frequently, while with the stockings (which should be wool- 
 len in winter and cotton in summer) the only safe rule is to 
 change them whenever they are soiled. 
 
 The corsets, which are so dangerous a stumbling block 
 in the path of young girls, are so universally worn that the 
 harm which they do is a serious matter, and I want you to 
 whom I am writing these words, and who, in years to come, 
 may be able to do much to influence other women, to give 
 me your sober attention while I ask a question or two and 
 offer you a few facts. 
 
 There can be no doubt, I am afraid, that many of you 
 wear your gowns much too tight, and in order to do this use 
 your stiff steel-boned corsets to obtain the small waists which 
 you think pretty and elegant. Now let me tell you where 
 lies your first mistake. Nothing is pretty which is unnatu- 
 ral, and as you well know small waists are not natural to 
 healthy, well developed women. Your waist, if you would 
 have a good and graceful figure, must be in proportion to 
 your height and the breadth of your shoulders, and a waist 
 of seventeen or eighteen inches upon a girl of average size, 
 is simply a deformity. Your small waists are obtained, then, 
 
2 2 OK HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 at a sacrifice of the very grace for which you are seeking, 
 and that is not the sum of your folly. Do you realize when 
 you pull in that fatal corset-lacing of yours, what suffering 
 you are preparing for yourselves ? 
 
 You are squeezing in your stomach so that it cannot 
 digest food ; you are compressing your lungs so that they 
 cannot receive the air, which is your life ; you are stopping 
 the action of your busy heart ; you are doing a dozen things 
 which may ruin your health for life, and which at any rate 
 are giving you daily headaches, and very probably making 
 you irritable and unhappy. This is surely a senseless and a 
 
 wicked thing — a thing which any honest, God-fearing wo- 
 
 # 
 
 man ought to be ashamed to do ; and I assure you that you 
 must consider it, not as a trifling question of dress, but as a 
 matter of very great importance to you and to others. For 
 God has given you, in most cases, healthy, well formed bo- 
 dies, and the responsibility of injuring them is an awful 
 weight which must rest now and hereafter upon your own 
 shoulders. 
 
 As to the directly practical side of the question I can 
 perhaps make some suggestions which may be of use to you. 
 A waist made of stout cotton cloth, firmly stitched and 
 corded, cut low in the neck, with sleeveless armholes, will 
 take the place of the corset in every respect, while in some 
 
ON riABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 23 
 
 particulars it is altogether preferable. It can be made with 
 a corset steel in front (to be removed when it is washed), 
 but should contain no other bones or steels. Your own back 
 bone is your proper and all-sufficient support, and you are 
 doing your spine and the wonderful nervous system so close- 
 ly connncted with it, no kindness when you rely upon the 
 artificial aid of whale bones to produce an erect figure. The 
 weight of the skirts, which can be made to button on to the 
 waist I am describing, is thus supported from the shoulder 
 by the band of the armhole ; there is no drag upon the hips, 
 no chance to tighten a lacing, no compression between stifi 
 bones, and none of that aw’kward and unnatural inflexibility 
 which comes from the wearing of corsets. 
 
 This matter is one which of course must be left to your 
 own consciences, but once more I ask you to think of it seri- 
 ously, ard to remember that you can sin against your bodies 
 as well as against your souls. 
 
 A complete change of clothing at night is imperative. 
 You must have night-gowns neatly made of cotton cloth, 
 and you must have a sufficient number of them to enable 
 you to change at least once a week. On going to bed take 
 oflf all the garments which you wear in the daytime and put 
 on your night-gown, which you must be careful to see is 
 thoroughly aired every morning, in order that the impuri- 
 ties collected during the night may be, so far as possible, re- 
 
24 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 moved. For a similar reasoa the clothes which j^ou take off 
 at night should be thrown loosely upon a chair where the 
 air may have free circulatinn among their folds, and in this 
 connection I may properly remind you of the importance of 
 having your sleeping room thoroughly ventilated- Before 
 going to bed you should always open one or more of the 
 windows of your room, and this not only in summer, but 
 even more especially in winter, if you are in good health, as 
 at that season, house ventilation, for several reasons, is very 
 imperfect and the danger from impure air particularly great. 
 
 I have spoken somewhat in detail in regard to your 
 underclothing, and I have done so because it is not unusual, 
 especially among persons of limited means, to put all the 
 expenditure of time and money upon externals of dress, 
 while the underclothing is allowed to take care of itself. 
 Now, if you have to choose between finery and cleanliness, 
 between ribbons and a proper change of underclothing, do 
 not for a moment hesitate, for nothing can be a truer type of 
 the ^^whited sepulchre” of the Bible than the man or woman 
 whose external dress is showy and expensive, while under- 
 neath are rags and uncleanliness. Make every exertion to 
 supply yourselves, first of all, with suitable underclothing, 
 and after that you may think about the fashion of your 
 jackets and the trimming of your hats. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 25 
 
 In regard to these same externals of dress — that is, as 
 to the style, material, etc., of your outer garments, it is very 
 difficult, as you yourselves will understand, to give you any 
 fixed rules, tor in respect to these parts of our dress we are 
 all of us at the mercy of a changing fashion. All that I can 
 hope to do is to offer you some general ideas upon the sub- 
 ject, in the belief that your own intelligent observation and 
 instincts of modesty and propriety will enable you gradually 
 to learn for yourselves what are the characteristics of the 
 dress of a true lady. 
 
 CHAPTER V.— Dress. 
 
 FOR YOUNO WOMEN. 
 
 The first principle of dress may, I think, safely be said 
 to be suitability j and by this I mean that your dress should 
 be suited to the occasions on which it is worn, to your posi- 
 tion in life, and to the characteristics of your face and fig- 
 ure. When you are at work, for example, wear something 
 dark in color, simple in make, and, if possible, of material 
 which will wash. Put aside all your finery, tor nothing is 
 more completely unladylike than to overdress ; aad when 
 you are at work of any kind, the simpler you dress the bet- 
 ter. Plain linen collars and cuffs are proper at all times, 
 and should always he preferred to mussy ruffiings, though 
 
26 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 fresh lace or muslin rufflings are a pretty and ladylike addi- 
 tion to your toilette for evening, or at any time when you 
 are dressed more than usual. 
 
 Any preponderances ot bright color, or any glaring or 
 improper combination of colors, is always to be avoided. 
 There are certain colors, as you know, which are always 
 beautiful — as scarlet and brown, or pink and gray — while 
 again there are colors which, to use an expressive word, 
 “ kill” each other, as purple and blue, green and yellow. No 
 mere directions can guide you here ; you must simply train 
 your own taste by watching the dress of people whom you 
 know you can trust in this particular, and in this way you 
 will soon learn to judge for yourselves ; but, in the meantime, 
 I advise you to err oa the side of too little color rather than 
 too much. 
 
 For dress materials choose as much as possible solid 
 colors — that is, do not indulge too often in plaids, stripes or 
 figures, and be careful never to overtrim, for the first care of 
 a lady is to avoid attracting attention by the gandiness or 
 fussiness of her dress. Dark colors for winter and light 
 tor summer is a very safe rule, though, of course, it may 
 often be safely broken. For jackets and cloaks, black or 
 any very dark color is proper, and the hat or bonnet should 
 be made to match or contrast with the suit tvith which it 
 will be principally worn, while gloves must never be of any 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 27 
 
 bright color— grays, drabs, browns, and black, being the 
 most useful, with white and light shades for full dress. 
 
 Jewelry, lace, artificial flowers, etc., should not be worn, 
 excep on special occasions, as evening parties, weddings, etc., 
 and only at such times, too, are low necked or short sleeved 
 dresses suitable, for it is safe to say that the ordinary every 
 day toilette of a lady, is remarkable chiefly for its simplici- 
 ty of color, fashion and material. 
 
 Boots should be thick and strong for common wear, 
 must be kept in good order and neatly blacked. Never, on 
 any account, be so foolish as to wear tight shoes, for, as I 
 fear many of you have already found, they are the cause of 
 inflnite discomfort and pain. Slippers are proper for the 
 house at all times, but be careful that they do not entice you 
 into slipshod habits ; do your best to keep your stockings 
 and j^our shoes clean, whole and neat. 
 
 In respect to petticoats, I think you will see for your- 
 selves, that for winter y^u need those which are light, warm 
 and not easily soiled, while in summer you want those that 
 are light, cool, and easily washed. The colored woolens 
 for one season and the colored cottons for the other, are, if 
 wisely chosen, neat, comfortable and.cheap, while petticoats 
 of white cotton, prettily trimmed, should always be worn 
 for your best, or when you have on a thin dress. 
 
28 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 The idea of ‘‘suitability/’ on which I am inclined to 
 dwell very strongly, exists not only in regard to the times 
 and places for which you dress yourselves^ but also has a very 
 direct connection with the amount of money which you are 
 able to spend. You understand, no doubt, that it is unsuit- 
 able to dress conspicuously in the street, to dress gaudily while 
 at work, to overdress anywhere or at any time ; but do you 
 also understand how very unsuitable it is to spend a penny 
 more than you can honestly afiord upon your clothes? To 
 most of you this matter of economy is doubtless a very im- 
 portant one, and I shall (taking it for granted that you mean 
 to be honest and careful in personal expenditure) try to give 
 you a few hints which may be of assistance to you. 
 
 In selecting any garment, from a pair of shoes to a hat, 
 you may be sure that it is better to have one really good 
 thing than two or three poor ones. Many girls would spend 
 the money which one good gown or cloak would cost, upon 
 two or three cheap ones, but it is not in this way that you 
 will dress well upon a little money. Let your materials, 
 your gloves, your shoes, or whatever the articles may be, be 
 always as good and as well made as you can afford, and then 
 take care of them. Be satisfied to do without a variety in 
 order that you may have better things, which, in the end, 
 are always more economical, especially when you take into 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 29 
 
 account the extra labor entailed upon you by the multipli- 
 cation ot cheap articles in your wardrobe. 
 
 Again, do not spend your money upon trinkets ; the 
 habit of buying useless ornaments is most extravagant and 
 unsatisfactory, for a ring here, a necklace there, a string of 
 beads or a brooch now and then, however cheap they may 
 seem at the time, will run away with the price of a complete 
 stock of underclothing before you think of it. In this con- 
 nection, too, 1 must warn you against the vulgarity of all 
 imitations, false jewelry in particular being always in bad 
 taste. You will find that among ladies and gentlemen a 
 very plain reality is better than a very fine sham, and that 
 it is good to be true in dress as well as in other things. 
 
 In laying out your limited allowance of money always 
 take the most substantial things first, for you will find that 
 to sacrifice comfort to show is very poor economy ; as, for 
 example, the girl who goes without overshoes in order to buy 
 a feather, is very likely to discover her mistake when she gets 
 her feet wet and pays the penalty of illness and suffering. 
 
 Never fret yourself and waste your time in the attempt 
 to dress as people do who are richer than you are, or whose 
 position enables them to make more show upon a similar 
 outlay. You can be a lady in calico as well as in silk, and 
 you can make no greater error than to fancy that economy 
 
3 ° 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 is a disgrace or extravagance a virtue. The refinement (to 
 use a general term) of your dress and appearance will depend 
 largely upon your own industry and neatness, for a careful 
 eye and ready hand can do much toward making and keep- 
 ing your dress, what a lady’s should he, whole and clean, 
 and to that end you should mend rips, tears and holes in your 
 garments as soon as they appear, remembering that most 
 useful little proverb, “A stitch in time saves nine.” 
 
 If you have patiently followed rne thus far, I think you 
 will now agree with me that a lady’s dress should always be 
 clean, suitable and comfortable, and any girl who will work 
 on that foundation may safely be trusted to make her dress 
 also pretty and attractive by a careful and modest use of 
 color, a wise choice of material and fashion, and a systematic 
 avoidance of everything glaring and unreal. 
 
 And now there are but two other points upon which I 
 wish to speak, and I have purposely reserved them for the 
 last, for they are not only matters of dress, but of morality 
 as well. 
 
 You must never use articles of toilette which belong to 
 your companions, but must yourself be supplied with all that 
 you are likely to require, so that you need on no account 
 trespass on the belongings of other people. Tooth brushes, 
 combs and brushes, washcloths, sponges, etc., are sacred to 
 the use of their owner, and I do not know anything more 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 3^ 
 
 indicative of a want of refinement than a promiscuous use of 
 these things. The utmost intimacy will not justify you in 
 any carelessness in regard to articles which, in the strictest 
 sense, are personal property, and with your nearest friend you 
 should never permit yourself to become lax in this particu- 
 lar. Also in respect to minor articles of dress — pocket hand- 
 kerchiefs, collars, ribbons, etc. — it is wise to borrow and lend 
 as little as possible. Have a suflScient number of these things, 
 let them be plainly marked with your name, and while 
 guarding your own rights be careful to respect the rights of 
 your neighbor, for nothing is more likely to lead to petty 
 thefts (a vice about which I shall speak to you elsewhere) 
 than the habit of indiscriminate borrowing. 
 
 My second and last wwning to you is against a shame- 
 ful practice, of which, I hope, you yourselves see the folly. 
 While a lady should take every care of her teeth, her hair, 
 and her skin, no lady should use cosmetics in any form. 
 Paint and powder, however skilfully their true names may 
 be concealed under the mask of Liquid Bloom,’ ^ or “Lily 
 Enamel,” can never change their real character, but remain 
 always unclean, false, unwholesome, a disgrace to those who 
 use them, and certain ruin to the skins they are supposed to 
 beautify. Put such things away from you entirely, and be 
 sure that the adornment they afford is unworthy of good 
 
32 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 women, for it is an offense against the laws of health, a 
 foolish and paltry attempt at deception. 
 
 CHAPTER VL— Dress. 
 
 FOR YOUNG MEN. 
 
 If you, as young men who desire to maintain the exter- 
 nal appearance of gentlemen, were to ask me what are the 
 characteristics of a gentleman’s dress, I should answer you 
 with little hesitation, ^‘Cleanliness, quiet colors, and well 
 brushed boots.” If you have these three requisites you need 
 not be over-carcful about the cut of your coat and trousers, 
 or the fashion of your hat : but even with these attained you 
 have not yet reached the foundation of the matter, for your 
 dress really begins, not with the garments which are usually 
 visible, but with the underclothing, and on this point I want 
 you to understand very clearly what are the essentials. 
 
 As a matter of health you ouglit to wear next your 
 skin, shirt and drawers of some woollen material, heavy in 
 winter and light in summer, for this is a safeguard against 
 sudden changes of temperature or the depressing effect upon 
 the vital forces of extreme of unaccustomed cold. The wo- 
 ven undergarments, which can be bought at almost any dry- 
 goods shop, are-cheap and convenient, though flannel, either 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 33 
 
 white or colored, is, on some accounts, better for this pur- 
 pose. These garments must be changed at least once a 
 week ; do not on any account wear them longer than that ; 
 for, although they may not look soiled, they are most cer- 
 tainly saturated with the impurities thrown ofi by the skin, 
 and will probably show it by their color. It is well, too, to 
 wear woolen stockings in winter, and for them the only rule 
 I can give you is to change them whenever they are dirty. 
 
 You will see, of course, that I am taking it for granted 
 that you yourselves are cleanly in your liabits, that you un- 
 derstand the necessity of keeping your bodies pure and 
 healthy, and knowing that this cannot be done without scru- 
 pulous attention to details, are glad to learn from the expe- 
 rience of others just what tiiose details are. 
 
 Eemember, therefore, in your daily life, in your choice 
 of garments, in the formation of your personal habits, and 
 in the expenditure of your money, that the thing above all 
 others which Society insists upon is ‘^cleanliness, ” and that 
 this cleanliness must begin with your skin and the clothes 
 which you wear next it. You must make it a duty, a mat- 
 ter of conscience, to be clean from head to foot, and to this 
 end you must faithfully take the daily bath, about which I 
 have already so strongly spoken to you. Then you must 
 change your underclothes throughout once a week, or often- 
 er if necessary, and be very careful never to wear the same 
 shirt at night which you have been wearin g through the day. 
 
34 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 TIply yourselves with night shirts of white cotton, and 
 wear these and nothing else at night, taking off every arti> 
 cle of clothing that you have worn through the day, for 
 there is no more unwholesome personal habit than that of 
 wearing a garment both day and night. You must change 
 your night shirt once a week, and when you take it ofi* in 
 the morning must see that it is properly aired before it is 
 put away for the day. 
 
 As to your outer garments, the clothes in which you 
 work will naturally be suited to the purpose for which they 
 are used, and the fact that you do work in them will usually 
 imply that they are not very clean nor entirely whole, but as 
 most of you have it in your power to have one or more good 
 suits, I want to say a word or two to you about those gar- 
 ments, in the selection of which you have an opportunity to 
 show your individual taste. 
 
 Perhaps the first thing to be said here is what I have 
 already once said, namely, that your linen must be clean and 
 neat and always simple — ruffles, embroideries, or any peculi- 
 arity of cut, being out of place and unsuitable. A clean 
 shirt, collar and cuffs, are indispensable, and when the two 
 latter cannot, from motives of economy or convenience, be of 
 linen, paper, celluloid, etc., make neat and excellent substi- 
 tutes. 
 
 Any jewelry which you may wear — studs, sleeve but- 
 tons^ scarf pin, or watch chain, must be real of its kind, and 
 
35 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS^ 
 
 •simple in style, and, as a general rule, the less you wear of it 
 the better. In wearing rings, or any additional jewelry, a 
 gentleman will be exceedingly careful as to both quality and 
 quantity, as any attempt at show^ in this respect, is almost 
 inevitably vulgar and a sure evidence of bad taste. 
 
 Your cravats and neckties should not be too bright 
 in color ; plain dark shades are always the best, except 
 for occasions when you wear full dress — that is, parties, 
 weddings, etc., when white or light colors are per- 
 missible, and black is always proper. In the selection of 
 material for your coat and trousers, you will naturally be 
 largely influenced by the climate in which they are to be 
 worn — but here again, plain colors are the rule. You will 
 very probably have noticed for yourselves that gentlemen 
 usually wear suits made of one material throughout, in color 
 dark gray, brown, blue or mixed, or suits in which the coat 
 is of some very dark shade or black, and the trousers more 
 varied, though never of any bright color or large pattern. 
 Entirely black clothes are not worn except by clergymen or 
 for mourning. 
 
 Boots and shoes must alvays be neatly kept and well 
 polished, and care must be taken that they are sufl3.ciently 
 large for the feet. 
 
 In the choice of hats you will be guided by the season 
 and the fashion as to material and shape, the chief thing 
 
36 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 being to avoid wearing anything which is conspicuous. 
 Gloves must usually be of some dark color, gray, drab, brown 
 or black, while for full dress almost any light shade is proper. 
 
 In conclusion, I would say to young men as to young 
 women, that the surest economy in dress is to buy good 
 things and take care of them. Do not spend your money 
 for useless trifles, and on no account spend more on your 
 dress than you can honestly afford. Remember that you 
 must never borrow anything even from your friends without 
 asking leave, and that it is best to borrow and lend, as a 
 habit, as little as possible. Let your garments be legibly 
 marked with your name, and never wear other people’s 
 clothes if you can help it. All toilette articles — brushes, 
 combs, sponges, etc., are sacred to the uses of their owner, 
 and must, under no circumstances, be considered public 
 property, or put to any other use than that for which they 
 were intended. A gentleman will be careful to supply him- 
 self with these things and to keep them strictly to himself, 
 neither committing nor permitting any trespass. Further- 
 more, you must understand that in order to be gentlemen at 
 all you must be gentlemen always, modest and reflned among 
 yourselves as well as in public, and in nothing is the modesty 
 and refinement of a gentleman more clearly shown than in 
 the simplicity of his dress and the care and neatness with 
 which he attends to the details of his toilette. To form gen- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 37 
 
 tlemanly habits in this respect will be of the greatest value 
 to you, and you may be sure that it is never too soon to be- 
 gin the endeavor whose success will be mainly dependent 
 upon your own resolution. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. — In General Society. 
 
 FOR YOUNU WOMEN. 
 
 In general society there are, as you know, many par- 
 ticulars in which what is proper for one sex is not proper for 
 the other, and what is required of one sex is not required of 
 the other, and these dilferences form a very important part of 
 our social regulations, so that it becomes again necessary to 
 divide our subject, and upon certain points to speak with re- 
 gard, primarily, to their diversity. In obedience, therefore, 
 to a well known rule of etiquette, I shall once more [give 
 precedence to young women among my readers, and endea- 
 vor to show them what Society has decreed to be the essen- 
 tial attributes and duties of a lady — that is, what a lady 
 must and must not do when she is in the presence of others. 
 
 I have already' asked you to notice that the foundation 
 of good manners is the commandment, ‘‘Thou shalt love thy 
 neighbor as thyself;” for even if you do not in your heart 
 obey that precept, you must externally appear to do so, if 
 you desire to be courteous and well bred. 
 
38 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 You must, that is, always endeavor to make those about 
 you comfortable and happy, even when it is at your own ex- 
 pense; and upon this point it will be necessary to go some- 
 what into detail in order that you may fully understand 
 what is expected ot you, for in society you are brought into 
 contact with so many different people under frequently 
 changing conditions, that no single rule can cover your gen- 
 eral demeanor. 
 
 Toward all persons of your own sex, toward old people 
 ot both sexes, toward invalids, or those who are in any way 
 weaker than yourself, you must show deference — that ;is, you 
 must invariably consider their comfort and pleasure, and must 
 show them a certain external respect. In your turn, how- 
 ever, you will receive a similar deference from gentlemen, 
 and in most cases you must understand that you are enti- 
 tled to certain privileges by right of your sex. For example, 
 you must not pass through doors or gates, or up-stairs before 
 other people, but must allow them to pass before you; you 
 must not take the most comfortable or the only seat in a 
 room, but must offer it politely to others, except in the case 
 of gentlemen, who will allow you to precede them, to occupy 
 the only seat, etc., and whose attentions you must accept 
 always with suitable acknowledgments. 
 
 You must not sit or piss between the fire or the light 
 and another person ; in short, you must not take the best of 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 39 
 
 anything to yourself, but must share it with others, never 
 pushing your own claims but trusting always to the polite- 
 ness of your associates. In your own house especially you 
 must be w^atchful that your guests are cared for, while, when 
 you are yourself the guest of other people, you must be care- 
 ful to take no liberties. 
 
 In conversation you must not interrupt those who may 
 be speaking, and you must never yourself talk in a loud 
 voice or use coarse or rough language, while I advise you 
 to break yourselves, as quickly as possible, of the habit of 
 ‘ using frequent exclamations of any kind, but especially of 
 using those which are irreverent, if not actually profane, as 
 ‘^Good Lord,” ‘‘My Jesus,” etc. Sneezing, coughing, blow- 
 ing the nose, etc., must be done as quietly as possible under 
 cover ot the pocket handkerchief, and you must on no ac- 
 count take anything from your mouth when you are in the 
 presence of other people. One of the chief charms in a lady 
 is gentleness in voice, in manner, in language : a lady is al- 
 ways gentle, and loud talking, or boisterous laughter and 
 gestures, are entirely inadmissible in refined society. 
 
 In social gatherings it is not customary for strangers to 
 speak to one another without being first introduced by some 
 one who is known to both parties, and this ceremony of in- 
 troduction consists in bringing together the two people 
 whom you desire to introduce, and in mentioning the name 
 
40 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 of each one to the other, as, for example, ‘‘Mrs. Johnson — 
 Miss Smith Miss Smith — Mr. Jones,” the gentleman be- 
 ing always presented to the lady, and the single to the mar- 
 ried lady. After this the parties introduced are expected, 
 under all circumstances, to bow and begin a conversation, in 
 which, when one of the parties is a gentleman, it is usually 
 his duty to speak first. An acquaintance begun in this way 
 may be continued or not, at the pleasure of the individuals 
 introduced, it being always in the power of one person to 
 refuse to know another by declining to speak, bow, or other- 
 wise recognize him or her, but it must be understood that 
 you must not intentionally fail to recognize any one to whom 
 you may have been introduced, without good and satisfac- 
 tory reasons for so doing. It is not customary for a lady to 
 talk to or accept attentions from gentlemen whom she does 
 not know, and I would like to say to you that it is always 
 better for you to be too reserved rather than too bold in your 
 manner, especially with gentlemen, for, as you will soon find, 
 the respect and courtesy which they show to you will almost 
 invariably be in proportion to the dignity and modesty of 
 your own demeanor. Do not put yourself forward, do not 
 endeavor to monopolize attention, do not talk much of your- 
 self or your own afiairs, do not in any way presume upon 
 the general patience, and in conversation endeavor as much 
 as you can to choose subjects whicli will interest all who are 
 
I 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 4I 
 
 either listening or talking. Nothing is in worse taste than 
 to talk in public upon purely personal matters, and it is of- 
 ten little short of disgusting to well bred people to be obliged 
 to listen to long descriptions of things and incidents which 
 should properly only be spoken of between intimate friends 
 and in privacy. As, for example, you should never talk 
 before people of the state of your stomach, the medicines you 
 may be using, your visits to the dentist, any more than you 
 should in general company pick your teeth, scratch your 
 head, or clean your nose or ears. 
 
 The habit of chewing gum, or any similar substance, is 
 entirely unpardonable, it being not only bad for the diges- 
 tion and the teeth, but thoroughly vulgar, and to cleanly 
 people disgusting. No one who is careful of either health 
 or appearance will acquire it, especially as it offers no com- 
 pensating pleasure. 
 
 These and all similar faults, both of word and of action, 
 you must scrupulously avoid, and if you have nothing better 
 to occupy your attention than such things as these, your 
 first duty should be so to regulate your behavior that, at 
 least, you may not offend those who are more refined than 
 yourself. You must never forget that there are many things 
 which can properly enough be done and said when you are 
 among people with whom you are familiar, which are out of 
 place and unladylike in general society; and in this respect 
 
42 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 it is never safe to allow yourself much liberty, for offences 
 against propriety committed in public will eventually result 
 in your expulsion from good society, the first requirement 
 of such society being, everywhere and always, propriety of 
 behavior. 
 
 In conversing with those with whom you are not on 
 intimate terms, it is rude to touch any part of their dress or 
 person with your hands, or anything which you may have 
 in your hands, as a fan, cane or parasol ; to attract their at- 
 tention by touching them or calling loudly, to look at them 
 very closely, or to comment in any way upon their appear- 
 ance. You must not point or stare at people either in the 
 street or a room, and when it is necessary or desirable to 
 point one person out to another, you must do it in a low 
 voice, without any gestures, and so quietly that no one will 
 notice it except the person to whom you are speaking. You 
 must never make audible remarks upon the people about 
 you, and when you unintentionally annoy or discommode 
 another person, as by stepping on a lady’s dress, taking up 
 a book which some one has for the moment laid down, or 
 anything of the kind, you must immediately atone for your 
 involuntary rudeness by saying, ‘*1 beg your pardon,'’ or 
 Excuse me.” When it happens that you are the offended 
 party you must always acknowledge the apology made by 
 the offender, using some such form of words as ‘‘Certainly;” 
 ‘‘It is of no consequence.” 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 43 
 
 If you have any accomplishment which you can use for 
 the amusement of others, you should always be willing to 
 do your best when invited, though it is not usually proper 
 for you to volunteer your services. If you can sing or play^ 
 or read well, and are asked to use your power for the plea- 
 sure of your friends, do not make the mistake ot hesitating 
 and offering a half-dozen excuses, none of which are suffi- 
 cient, but do what you are able cheerfully and readily^ 
 showing your willingness to oblige, while, however, you 
 should be careful not to do too much, thereby tiring your 
 listeners instead of pleasing them. 
 
 If you join in games or dancing (to neither of which, 
 when properly conducted, is there any objection), you must 
 be careful that your fun and frolic do not degenerate into 
 roughness, that there is no loud laughing or boisterous 
 romping, and you must remember that upon you as ladies 
 rests the responsibility of excluding all coarseness and vul- 
 garity from your presence. You can easily show your dis- 
 pleasure and disapproval, and I want you to appreciate the 
 fact that in society the power lies principally with your sex; 
 that in all social gatherings, and in the family life, it is you 
 who must keep up the standard of refinement and demand 
 propriety in the behavior of those about you. 
 
44 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. — In General Society. — (Continued.) 
 
 FOR YOUNG WOMEN. 
 
 I must advise you especially to guard yourself against 
 the dangers arising from over-familiarity. Young people, 
 as a rule, are apt to make friends easily and to be unnecessa- 
 rily communicative, and in this way often get themselves 
 into difficulties which might, at the outset, be easily avoided. 
 Young women are probably somewhat more liable to make 
 this error than young men, and I would therefore advise you 
 in particular not to be too familiar even with your intimate 
 friends, but to keep up a certain reserve, which you will find 
 to be often a great safeguard. Do not talk of your own 
 affairs to all the world ; do not attempt to pry into the af- 
 fairs of other people ; do not gossip about your friends and 
 their faults ; remember that modesty is essential to your 
 womanhood, and that true modesty is spiritual as well as 
 physical. By this I mean that the same instinct which will 
 prevent you from making coarse gestures, from intruding on 
 the privacy of others, from committing any action publicly, 
 ought also to guard your tongue from loose speech, your eye 
 from suspicion, and your thought from indelicacy, just as 
 much when you are alone, as when you are in a crowd, just 
 as effectually at home as abroad. 
 
 I would like you to notice here that this modesty of 
 which I speak is a very different thing from that awkward 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 45 
 
 shyness which afflicts many young girls, and which more 
 often comes from too much thought of self than from too ^ 
 little. True modesty is often the surest relief from shyness, 
 for it prevents any over-estimate of one’s own importance, and 
 frees its possessor from any undue sensitiveness as to the 
 opinions of other people — that is, a young person who is 
 really modest will not constantly wonder what other people 
 are thinking of her, or imagine that she is an object of atten- 
 tion to anyone about her, but will go quietly about her 
 work or her pleasure, careful to be true and honest, but not 
 too anxious about appearances, remembering that to ‘‘be” is 
 better than to “seem.” 
 
 In order to be graceful and ladylike in your manner 
 you must be at your ease, not presumptuous nor over -sure of 
 yourself, or vainly confident of your own ability, but simply 
 at your ease in that you are not constantly irritated by the 
 thought that you may be making some error, doing some- 
 thing foolish or different from other people, or in some way 
 showing that you are a stranger to the rules of society. And 
 I think we shall come back here to our original proposition, 
 namely, that you must think about yourself as little as pos- 
 sible. Do not fidget because you do not know what to do 
 with your hands, or get nervous because you do not know 
 whether you ought to stand up or sit down, but watch as 
 closely as you can the behavior of the cultivated people whom 
 
46 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 you may meet; accustom yourself as much as you can to do 
 as they do, and be sure that as a general thing the one rule 
 which will help you most is to think of others more than of 
 yourself. 
 
 It is very important for you to understand that to be 
 respectful in your manner and address is essential. In your 
 association with people older than yourself, with those who 
 are in positions of authority, with those of superior wisdom 
 and experience, you must show special respect, not insisting 
 upon your own equality, not advancing your own opinions, 
 not contradicting others or asserting yourself, but listening 
 rather than talking, and being content to follow instead of 
 to lead. 
 
 I have spoken to you before of the impropriety of whis- 
 pering in general society, and I have still something more 
 to say upon that subject. It is rude for anybody, but espe- 
 cially for young people, to converse in whispers, to monopo- 
 lize conversation, or to keep up a private conversation to the 
 exclusion of others, but it is inexcusably so when they are 
 in the presence of those who are older and better informed 
 than themselves. Also this special respect must be shown 
 to places as well as to individuals, in public meetings, at 
 lectures, concerts, or similar gatherings, but, above all, in 
 church your demeanor must be quiet and unobtrusive ; you 
 must do nothing to disturb others or attract attention to 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 
 
 47 
 
 yourself, and in church or at any meeting for purposes of 
 devotion, you must maintain a sober and reverent manner. 
 
 I do not know anything more displeasing in young 
 girls than a habit of loud talking and restless or bold beha- 
 vior in public places. Your instinct of modesty ought to 
 protect you from this fault ; and if you are so unfortunate as 
 to have contracted it, do your best to change and modify 
 your manner, and let me advise you to make a beginning in 
 the school room. So much of your school life as students is 
 spent in class rooms, and so many of you intend to become 
 teachers that this matter of school etiquette deserves especial 
 thought. Let me suggest to you then, that you give to 
 your teachers the same respect and attention, which you in 
 your turn, desire to receive from the pupils to whom in fu- 
 ture you are to be leaders and examples. Respect also the 
 room, and its furniture; respect your classmates, and work 
 together to make the standard of the school room high and 
 inflexible. If you are in doubt as to what this standard 
 should be, your teachers can tell you, and will be your best 
 advisers in matters ot detail. I can only tell you broadly 
 that politeness is as much in place in school rooms as in par- 
 lors, and if you do not practice it in the one place you may 
 be sure you will never be perfect in it in the other. 
 
 When any of your associates, of either sex, show you 
 ourtesy in any form, you must never fail to make due ac- 
 
48 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 knowledgment. It costs you scarcely a breath to say 
 “Thauk you/’ or ‘‘I am much obliged/’ or ‘‘You are very 
 kind;” but these little phrases, spoken at the right time, 
 are of real importance, and you should try to form a habit 
 of using them, as well as of taking notice in other ways of 
 the little favors which you ought to he able to accept as well 
 as to offer kindly and freely. When you meet friends it is 
 proper to inquire if they and their families are well, and to 
 show interest in their vrell being, and syrnpathj" for their 
 troubles, all of which can be done without exhibiting any 
 impertinent curiosity, and is, of course, a very different thing 
 from that personal questioning which is merely an attempt 
 to pry into matters that do not concern you. 
 
 In regard to making calls you have to be guided in de- 
 tail by the customs of the community in which you live. In 
 general, I can only tell you that ladies never call upon gen- 
 tlemen, but may invite gentlemen to call upon them, having 
 first made sure that they are proper and desirable acquaint- 
 ances. You may invite other ladies to visit you, or may first 
 visit them, the latter being usually considered more courte- 
 ous, and when you receive invitations to call, must accept 
 them as soon as possible, or it will be understood that you 
 desire to drop the acquaintance. If you have been present 
 at an entertainment of any kind, you should, within the 
 following week, call upon your hostess as an acknowledg- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 49 
 
 merit of her hospitality. Formal visits should never exceed 
 ten minutes in length, and in making them it is desirable to 
 eave your card or your name, whether the lady of the house 
 is at home or not, and, indeed, in very fashionable society, 
 to leave a card is considered the equivalent of a personal 
 visit. 
 
 Acknowledgments of a gift, however small, should be 
 made promptly and heartily, without, however, any extrav- 
 agant expressions, which only give the impression that you 
 do not mean what you say. Remember that any delay, for 
 which there is no good reason, in sending your letter of 
 thanks, or in making yowv acknowledgment in person, di- 
 minishes the value of what you say, making it more a mat- 
 ter of form and less an expression of real gratitude. Put 
 3^ourself in the giver’s place and you will realize how ungra- 
 ious is the delay which allows the glow of friendlj^ feeling 
 to change to a disappointment and[displeasure which excuses 
 will hardly remove, and which, not improbably, may 
 seriously disturb the friendship. 
 
 As an illustration of the courtesy which good manners 
 demand, I give you the following incident, the spirit of 
 which, I am sure, you will appreciate, while you will un- 
 derstand that the forms demanded by Japanese etiquette are 
 not necessary in this country, where hospitality is suffi- 
 ciently acknowledged by a properly worded letter, or by 
 
so 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 word of mouth, no gift being looked for except in cases 
 where there has been special indebtedness. 
 
 Some years ago the party of Japanese Commissioners of 
 Education to the Centennial Exhibition visited Hampton 
 Institute, part of their mission to this country being for the 
 purpose of studying our various systems of education. The 
 party, consisting of a prince and the gentlemen of his suite, 
 were gladly entercained for the several days of their stay by 
 the officers of the School. They were all gentlemen of very 
 high standing and great intelligence, and their visit was a 
 source of pleasure to all who met them. On their depar- 
 ture, according to a graceful custom of their countiy, the 
 prince left a beautiful present of Japanese work at each house 
 where he had been a guest. A month or more after he left, 
 by the earliest possible mail, came letters courteously an- 
 nouncing the party’s safe arrival in Japan, and renewing 
 their acknowledgments of the hospitality they had received. 
 
 As I have said, our Republican Society does not de- 
 mand such excessive formality as is necessary to the despotic 
 etiquette of those Eastern nations, but in some respects we 
 can learn from them, and I have used the above anecdote 
 to show you how broad a meaning ^ ‘ courtesy ” may have. 
 
 It is almost always rude and unkind to ridicule people 
 whether they are friends or strangers, and as politeness 
 means not only external forms, but also involves considera- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 51 
 
 tion for the feelings of those with whom you come in con- 
 tact, you must remember that it is often just as ill-bred to 
 say or do anything which you know is likely to hurt a per- 
 son’s feelings, as it would be to shut a door in any one’s face 
 or offer any similar rudeness. 
 
 If by accident you injure anything belonging to an- 
 other person, you must make proper apology, and if in any- 
 way you can repair your fault, must do so. Anything 
 which you may have borrowed should be returned promptly 
 at the expiration of the time for which it was lent. If it 
 has been in any way damaged, you must replace it, or if 
 that is not possible, must make good its money value to its 
 owner. You must never make use of the smallest article 
 without asking leave of its owner, and even in so trifling a 
 matter as taking up a book or newspaper belonging to any 
 one else, must be careful that you are not, in so doing, an- 
 noying the owner; in short, you must always and every- 
 where be strictly scrupulous in regard to other people’s 
 property. 
 
 In making the acquaintance of young men, and in your 
 association with them, I have already told you how import- 
 ant it is that you should be careful, molest, pure in word 
 and deed, so that you may command their respect, and never 
 have the misfortune to find your name in the mouths of gos- 
 sips or scandalmongers, or even worse, to know that it is 
 
52 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 bandied about among the very young men whose good opin- 
 ion you are doubtless trying to win. 
 
 Do not, as a rule, accept presents from young men ; do 
 not go out with young men alone, but try always to have 
 others of your own sex with you ; do not take a young man's 
 arm unless it is offered to you, and not even then unless the 
 time and place are suitable and the offer properly made ; in 
 a word, do not permit yourself to be familiar or free in your 
 manner, except with those with whom you are intimately 
 acquainted ; while so long as ^^ou are under the guidance of 
 parents, teachers, or friends, you will find it best to trust to 
 their judgment rather than your own in regard to what is 
 proper and permissible for young women in their association 
 with young men. 
 
 And now, if I were face to lace with you, I should like 
 to ask you, ‘AVhat is it which, in your opinion, makes a 
 lady?’' and from your answers judge of my own success in 
 this foregoing explanation. I cannot do that, but I can ask 
 you to think for yourselves about the matter, and to answer 
 to yourselves a few last questions. 
 
 To be a lady — is it not to be gentle, courteous and kind, 
 to speak and move without roughness or rude noise, to be 
 modest in look and word, to be considerate of others, to dress 
 quietly and suitably, to be respectful, to be neither unduly 
 shy nor presumptuously forward, to be at ease in regard to 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 
 
 55 
 
 all ordinary social rules, to be bright and cheery without 
 coarseness, and to be all these not in public or at times only, 
 but everywhere and always? And of such an one can we 
 not say, Strength and honor are her clothing, in her 
 tongue is the law of kindness — her price is far above rubies?’ 
 
 CHAPTER IX. — In General Soctety.- 
 
 FOR YOUNO MEN. 
 
 The principal power in general society undoubtedly lies 
 in the hands of its female members — that is, it is to them 
 that Society looks for a careful maintenance of etiquette, and 
 for the support of a high standard of refinement, and you 
 will understand this when you remember how many things 
 you do, as young men, among yourselves, which, as gentle- 
 men, you would not, on any account, do in the presence of 
 ladies. Now, of course, the rougher life^ which, as a gene- 
 ral thing, falls to the lot of young men, and the fact that in 
 their struggle with the world they have little time for social 
 culture, explains this and to a certain extent excuses that 
 want of grace and ease which is so much more frequent 
 among young men than among young women. But, and I 
 want you to lay this to heart, neither this nor any other 
 reason, however plausible, can or ought to induce you to 
 
54 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 abate, by jot or tittle, your constant endeavor to become and 
 to be gentlemen. If you will once take the trouble to learn 
 what it is to be polite and well-bred, and will honestly try 
 to form the habit in yourselves, you will lind that you need 
 never be too tired, or too busy, or too careless, to be gentle 
 and courteous in your manner to those about you, and you 
 will find, too, that every step which you take in this direc- 
 tion will bring its reward, and that, in the end, you will be 
 more than repaid for the exertion which, at the outset, may, 
 not improbably, seem to you very great. 
 
 I have no intention, as you see, of encouraging you with 
 the assertion that it is an easy thing to be a gentleman, for 
 that, I think, would be the surest road to your ultimate dis- 
 couragement, but I want you to believe and act upon what I 
 am sure is the truth — that is, that by care, patience, watch- 
 ing the habits of those who are better bred than yourselves, 
 and modestly accepting instruction in whatever form' it may 
 come, you can make of yourselves gentlemen, of whom your 
 friends and teachers will have no need to be ashamed. 
 
 Now if you have read what has already been written to 
 you, you have learned several things which I shall here 
 merely recapitulate in brief. You have learned that tho- 
 rough cleanliness is essential, that your dress should be neat, 
 quiet, and always suitable to your occupation, and that at 
 table your behaviour must be most carefully regulated. We 
 come now, naturally, to your demeanor in general society — 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 55 
 
 that is, in all social gatherings, in all public places, in the 
 street and the house ; wherever, in short, you are brought 
 in contact with your fellow beings, and the details which I 
 shall try to make plain to you, demand your serious atten- 
 tion. 
 
 Consideration for others, either real or apparent, is the 
 foundation for good manners, and what you need to learn is 
 to show such consideration constantly and easily, to make it 
 so entirely habitual as to require no special effort. There 
 are certain forms which you will have to follow, certain rules 
 wliich you will have to obey, and the more thorough your 
 knowledge of these, the pleasanter your social relations will 
 be, both to yourself and others. 
 
 Many of the principal of these rules relate to the respect 
 which you are to show in certain ways, and, in greater or 
 less degree, to all whom you may meet. For example, you 
 must invariably give precedence to all women — young or 
 old, rich or poor — to all old people, to all invalids, and to 
 all to whom, from their position or cliaracter, you desire to 
 show especial respect — that is, that you must never enter a 
 room, carriage, etc., before such persons, or precede them 
 through doors, gates, etc., or seat yourself before they 
 are seated; but, on the contrary, should always be 
 ready to assist them by the numberless little attentions 
 which a gentleman has it in his power to bestow. Do you 
 
56 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ask what these attentions are? Did you never see a gentle- 
 man assist a lady, or any one who was old or weak, from a 
 carriage, or open a door for them to pass through, or carry a 
 parcel for them, or pick up anything which they may have 
 dropped, or close a window for them, or in a hundred w^ays 
 do something for them which it would be hard or disagree- 
 able for them to do for themselves? 
 
 If you will notice how wide the difference is in these 
 matters between a rough, untrained man, and a gentleman, 
 you will soon be convinced of their importance and the ne- 
 cessity for training yourselves to remember them, for every- 
 where and always it is these little things that mark a gen- 
 tleman’s manner. 
 
 You must not pass between the fire or the light and any 
 one; must not sit in any awkward or familiar position in the 
 presence ot others ; must not smoke without asking permis- 
 sion ; must not cliew, or, above all things, spit ; must not 
 cough, sneeze, or blow your nose loudly or obtrusively. You 
 should always carry and carefully use a pocket handkerchief ; 
 and with it cover your mouth when you sneeze, cough, or 
 yawn (turning your head aside at the same time), while the 
 various other uses to which it can be put, make it an indis- 
 pensable article of your attire. If you can avoid it, you 
 should not sit or stand with your back toward any one, and 
 when in company should never yawn, as this latter is a rude 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 57 
 
 indication that you are tired of the people about you. 
 
 To whistle or sing audibly is in very bad taste, and you 
 must most certainly not allow yourself to pick your teeth, 
 scratch your head or any part of yoUr person, clean your 
 nails, or take any similar liberty before people. 
 
 You must not talk in a loud voice, call loudly to attract 
 another person’s attention, must not use rough or coarse lan- 
 guage, and must never, anywhere or at anytime, be guilty 
 of profanity. In regard to this last fault I would gladly 
 speak to you at length and most earnestly, but I think the 
 sin has been wisely summed up in the words of a famous 
 clersTvinan who once said that there could be no excuse for 
 profanity, for it was not only wicked and ungentlemanly, but 
 also consummately foolish,’' a description so true that it 
 ought to be enough to deter any thoughtful man from the 
 use of so called strong language. In a less degree it also 
 applies to any coarseness or vulgarity of word or gesture, 
 than which nothing is more repugnant to refined persons, 
 and as this is a specially dangerous fault for young men who 
 are apt to take a good deal of license among themselves, you 
 will have to guard against it very carefully, remembering 
 that the expressions which you permit yourself to use habit- 
 ually when you are with your daily companions, will almost 
 invariably crop out in your general conversation. If you 
 use coarse, rough, language and gestures, when you are with 
 
58 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 the men and boys who are your ordinary associates, you will 
 find it very difficult to change your custom when you are 
 with other people, for which reason (and for many others), 
 it is best, if you mean to be a gentleman at all, to be a gen- 
 tleman always. 
 
 When the door of a room which does not belong to you , 
 or in which you have not at least an equal right with others, 
 is closed, do not try to open it, but knock and await the an- 
 swer of those within. When you enter a room always re- 
 move your hat, and touch, or remove it when you meet an 
 acquaintance; while upon your first entrance into a room 
 you should speak or bow to each person in it, unless, of 
 course, the number is very large, and should do the same 
 upon leaving. When you are introduce! to any one you 
 should bow ana begin a conversation upon some subject of 
 common interest, shaking hands, in this country, not being 
 usual except among friends. In conversation be careful not 
 to put yourself and your opinions forward, to interrupt any 
 one who may be speaking, to talk much of yourself or your 
 own affairs, or to introduce any merel}^ personal subject. 
 
 Do not talk (except to intimate friends or in private) 
 about the state of your health, your clothes, your teeth, about 
 anything, in short, which can only be of interest to yourself 
 and your near friends, and try to reach a happy medium be- 
 tween uneasy shyness and presuming self-confidence, being 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 59 
 
 quiet and unassuming, but neither careless nor awkward. 
 
 Do whatyou can always for the entertainment ot others^ 
 and when you join in games or similar amusement, do so 
 without noise or roughness, and with due regard to the 
 pleasure ot your companions. 
 
 If you are a guest in the house of others you must, upon 
 your arrival, first greet your host and hostess, and never 
 leave without making a proper farewell to them ; in your 
 own house you must politely and kindly receive your guests, 
 doing your best to make them at ease and to give them plea- 
 sure. When you are away from home you must be careful 
 to take no liberties, and must understand that many things 
 which it is proper to do in your own house, youkannot do in 
 other people’s houses without rudeness. 
 
 I believe that with young men, as with young women,, 
 the safest means to obtain graceful and pleasing manners is 
 to think as little of yourself as possible. Of course it is ne- 
 cessary for you to give some thought to your appearance and 
 to your general demeanor, but my meaning is that you are 
 not to think of yourself selfishly or with over-sensitiveness. 
 Do not be too anxious as to the opinion that may be formed 
 of you ; do not constantly wonder whether people think you 
 are good-looking, or well dressed, or well-mannered, or 
 ‘‘smart but watch closely the behavior of the most culti- 
 vated people you know, imitate their actions when you are 
 
6o 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 in doubt or ignorance as to what is proper, and then forget 
 yourself and try to make those about you comfortable and 
 happy. This may seem to you an odd rule whereby to mea- 
 sure yourselves, but I assure you that if you will put it in 
 practice you will find it covers a great many of these details 
 which seem so hard to master when you are obliged to take 
 them one by one. You will find, in many cases, when you 
 are perplexed as to the proper thing to do, that the answer 
 to the cpiestion, What will be most agreeable to those 
 about me?’’ will solve yoar doubts and decide correctly f.r 
 you. For example, nothing is more ill-bred than over-famil- 
 iarity, and, as a general thing, nothing is more disagreeable 
 to the people to whom it is oftered. .Do not approach too 
 closely to any one to whom you may be speaking, especially 
 if it be a lady ; do not touch any part of the dress or person 
 of any one near you ; do not whisper, point or stare ; do not 
 make remarks upon the appearance of others while you are 
 in their presence, and do not ridicule or make fun of either 
 strangers or friends. 
 
 Do not keep up a private conversation to the exclusion 
 of other people, and do not in any way amuse yourselt at 
 other people’s expense, for, as I have said before, the rude- 
 ness which unnecessarily wounds another person’s feelings, 
 is just as inexcusable as the rudeness which stares a person 
 out of countenance or occupies a comfortable seat while 
 some tired woman stands. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 6? 
 
 If you unintentionally commit any rudeness, or trespass 
 upon the rights of others, you must never fail to ask [lardon 
 at once, saying I beg your pardon,” or Excuse me,” or 
 using some similar form of words, and, when possible, must 
 atone tor your rud'eness in other ways as well. 
 
 In church, at concerts, lectures, or any public gathering, 
 you must always be quiet and orderly, on no account talking 
 in a loud voice, or in any way making a disturbance or at- 
 tracting attention ; while at church or any religious meeting 
 your behavior must be reverent and marked by proper re- 
 spect for the place wherein you are, and the occasion which 
 has called you there. 
 
 Applause should be will-timed and general, never being 
 kept up by a few when it is evidently the general wish ot 
 the assembly that it should cease, and never bein g permitted 
 to become boisterous or uncontrollable. 
 
 CHAPTER X. — In General Society — (Continued.) 
 
 FOR YOUNG men. 
 
 You should try always, when you are among people, to 
 sit or stand quietly, unless there is good reason for moving. 
 To shuffle your feet, move your chair uneasily, fidget with 
 any part of your dress, or anything you may be holding, is 
 very annoying, and, if you allow it to become a habit, will 
 
62 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 often make you an unpleasant companion to well-bred peo- 
 ple. Teach yourself to do what you have to do neatly and 
 quickly, and then do not embarrass yourself and others by 
 constant and needless movement. 
 
 You probably sufficiently appreciate the importance of 
 showing deference to those whose years, station or character 
 make their claim to it evident, but I should like to make 
 you feel that it is a good thing to practice politeness toward 
 your companions whom you consider on an equality with 
 yourself, and not especially entitled to respect. The minor 
 courtesies of society cost so little when they have once be- 
 come habitual, and go so far toward making life smooth and 
 pleasant, that you will find it no waste of time to practice 
 them in your intercourse with your fellow students and la- 
 borers. Do not be ashamed to offer a seat, or a newspaper, 
 to say “thank you” for any little kindness, to pick up any- 
 thing that your companion may have dropped and return it 
 to him ; but, on the other hand, be always ashamed to keep 
 on your hat even in a room full of men, to spit recklessly 
 here and there, to yawn in a friend’s face, to take the best 
 seat, to ridicule or mock any unavoidable peculiarity in an- 
 other, to roughly reject or ignore any favor done for you, 
 because for your own sake, if you are not moved by any less 
 selfish reason, you had better give your companions such 
 treatment as you in turn desire to receive. More than this. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 
 
 63 
 
 there are few, even among rough boys, who do hot feel the 
 charm of a courteous and kindly manner, and the example, 
 in this respect, of a single boy may work greater good than 
 pages of written advice. 
 
 It is not unusual to hear boys and very young men say, 
 scornfully or carelessly, that all these things are for girls : 
 “men” have no time or need for them, but surely in so say- 
 ing they prove nothing but their own ignorance or laziness. 
 If you will make a fair trial of this matter you will find that 
 it is possible to be refined and gentlemanly in spite of hard 
 work, small opportunities and a rough life, and it is foolish 
 for you to undervalue the importance to you of a pleasing 
 and sensible manner. A man’s success in life is sure to be 
 more or less affected by the external proof which he gives of 
 the training he has received, and it will be greatly to your 
 advantage if early in life you teach yourselves to be polite 
 and careful in your behavior to all people. 
 
 In your intercourse with all members of the opposite 
 sex, of whatever class or age, it is proper for you to pay cer- 
 tain attentions and evince a more marked respect than is 
 expected from you toward your own sex. There are many 
 particulars in which your behavior must be modified by the 
 presence of ladies, and as the social regulations upon this 
 point are very exact, you will need to study and observe 
 them with care. 
 
64 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 When you meet a lady with whom you are acquainted, 
 in the street, you must bow and remove your hat, and must 
 usually pass her on the outer side, leaving to her what is 
 presumably the best and safest part of the path or pavement, 
 while in walking with a lady you must also take the outer 
 side. When you are introduced to a lady, bow and speak at 
 once, and when a lady speaks to you, remember you are 
 bound to reply, and reply politely, under all circumstances. 
 If you are walking with a lady who is a friend, you can, in 
 the evening, offer her your arm, which she can take or re- 
 fuse, at her own pleasure ; in the daytime you need not offer 
 your arm, but must be watchful to give any aid she may 
 seem to require in the way of getting in and out of car- 
 riages, boats, cars, etc., stepping over any obstacle or avoid- 
 ing any difficulty. 
 
 You must not usually permit a lady to open doors, gates, 
 etc., for herself, but must open them for her, standing back 
 to allow her to pass through before you. You must not, on 
 any account, smoke in a lady’s presence, even if she is an 
 intimate friend or relative, without first asking her permis- 
 sion, and as to the disgusting habit ot spitting, I trust that I 
 have already impressed upon you that it is never permissi- 
 ble before ladies or any number of people. 
 
 You must not remain seated while a lady is standings 
 but must always try to find for her a comfortable and con- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 
 
 65 
 
 venient seat, and when there is any thing to be seen or heard, 
 must not fail to give her the best place. To push or jostle a 
 lady, to force yourself in front of her, to take, in any way, 
 advantasre of her inferior size and streno-th, is the hei2:ht of 
 rudeness, and is an act of which no true gentleman is ever 
 guilty. On the contrary, you should use your strength for 
 her advantage, allowing her in your presence to do notliing 
 disagreeable or arduous for lierself which you can pjroperly 
 do for her. When you are with ladies you must be particu- 
 larly careful to fall into no awkward or familiar positions. 
 Do not sit or stand with your hands in your pockets ; do not 
 lounge or sit with your feet higher than your he id ; do not 
 whistle or hum; do not yawn, and especially do not permit 
 yourself any of those liberties wliich I have already told you 
 are entirely forbidden in general society. 
 
 Remember what I have said to you in legard to the use 
 of your pocket handkerchief, and how careful you must tfe 
 about blowing your nose, sneezing, picking your teeth, etc. 
 Then, too, you must scrupulously avoid annoying a lady by 
 any coarse words or gestures, or by any rude attempt at 
 familiarity. Let your manner to a lady be always modest, 
 quiet and attentive, roughness and noisy talk being always 
 repugnant to well bred, modest women. 
 
 When you are playing games in which ladies join, or 
 dancing, or engaged in any social amusement, you must allow 
 
66 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 yourself always to be governed by the pleasure of the ladies ; 
 they must take the lead and you must follow — that is, yo^ 
 must permit them to choose what they will do and how it 
 shall be done, and must waive your own opinion. 
 
 You must not get up games or conversation among 
 yourselves to the exclusion of the ladies who are present, 
 and must be careful when refreshments are offered to see that 
 the ladies are properly served before you help yourselves. 
 If a lady drops a handkerchief, gloves, etc., you must at 
 once pick it up and politely return it to her, and if you.unin- 
 tentionally commit any rudeness, such as stepping on her 
 dress, failing to answer when she speaks, etc., you must at 
 once apologize and do what you can to atone for it. If a 
 lady is reading a book or paper you must not ask her to give 
 it up to you, but, on the other hand, if you are using any- 
 thing which you think she wants, you must offer it to her, 
 and, if she desires it, give it up at once. You should never 
 scrutinize closely a lady or her dress, and should never make 
 remarks about her ; indeed, this is carried so far that it is a 
 point of honor among gentlemen not to discuss freely among 
 themselves the character or appearance of their lady friends* 
 
 A lady desires, above all things, to be respected, and 
 you, as gentlemen, can show your respect for her in no bet- 
 ter way than by refusing to talk about her among your 
 companions. If you wish to accompany a lady home from 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 67 
 
 any evening entertainment, you must ask her permission 
 and be careful not to force yourself upon her, while if you 
 do accompany her, you must not, upon reaching her home, 
 go in, unless she gives you an invitation to do so. 
 
 The choice as to whether or no she will make or keep 
 up your acquaintance rests always with her, and in paying 
 formal visits you must keep strictly within the rules which 
 society lays down. You must never call without an invita- 
 tion, unless you go with a friend who has the right to intro- 
 duce you. You must always call upon your hostess within 
 a few days after any entertainment to which she may have 
 invited you, whether you have been present or not. You 
 must leave your card or your name at the door when you 
 enter, and you must not make the mistake of unduly pro- 
 longing your visit. Ten minutes is quite sufficient for an 
 ordinary call, and unless there are special reasons for so doing, 
 you had better not exceed thatlirnitor you will find yourself 
 in the dreaded category of bores.’’ 
 
 If you have reason to suppose that you have offended 
 a lady by any rudeness or carelessness, it is your duty to 
 offer a proper apology or explanation, and you need feel no 
 false shame in so doing, for a true lady will always respect 
 your intentions even though they may be awkwardly^ 
 expressed. 
 
 In the above I have throughout used the term lady,” 
 partly because it was convenient for me, and partly because 
 
68 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 it conveyed to you something more than the word ^^woman” 
 or but I want you to understand that what I have 
 
 said includes, with very few exceptions, the whole sex. 
 Your schoolmates, your mothers and sisters, the young girls 
 with whom you commonly associate, all should receive from 
 you deference and kindly respect. 
 
 Do not let the rules and hints which have been given 
 you serve only when you are in the company of your teachers 
 or those whom you yourselves consider as ‘Madies/’ or those, 
 in short, of whom you have a little wholesome fear, but let 
 them control your everyday life and regulate your conduct 
 toward your girl companions, your relatives and borne 
 friends. You may be sure that it is just as rude and ungen- 
 tleraanly to push through a door before the girl who stands 
 next to you in class, as before the lady who teaches you, and 
 that the boy who keeps on his hat in a room full of girls, 
 and suddenly removes it when a teacher looks in, has a great 
 deal to learn, and is not on the right road to learn it. 
 
 Furthermore, if you do not yourselves show respect to 
 the women of your own kindred and race, you will have no 
 right to expect such respect from other men, which is a full 
 and sufficient reason for you to be toward them, even more 
 than toward others, scrupulous and courteous in thought 
 and deed. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 69 
 
 The following chapters, for the use of travelers, have 
 been written especially for this volume by Miss H. W. Lud- 
 low, w^hose experience in travelling with our students and 
 in the South generally, has given her imusual opportunity 
 for observation. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 MANNERS ON THE ROAD. 
 
 Here is a true story. One summer day a steamboat 
 stopped at Old Point, Virginia, and took on, among other 
 passengers, quite a large number of young colored people of 
 both sexes. Some of these went on board loudlj talking and 
 laughing, pushed their way up stairs to get th,e first places 
 by the rail of the upper deck, from wliich they called and 
 shouted to their friends onshore till the boat started; others, 
 hurrying into the cabin, made for the best seats, lounging on 
 the sofas, and exchanging free jokes with their companions 
 in loud tones, till tlieir behavior drew upon them the atten- 
 tion of all the passengers within seeing and hearing distance. 
 
 That's the beauty of educating Negroes,” said one of a 
 group of southern white gentlemen standing near, and his 
 lip curled with disgust. 
 
 “Sir,’’ replied another, a man of high birth and standing 
 in the State, “I have visited the Hampton Normal School, 
 and I know its Principal, and have seen its students, and 
 I’ll wager you that there’s not a Hampton student in that 
 
70 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 crowd, but those are some of them yonder, and there are 
 some more, behaving like ladies and gentlemen. I can pick 
 them out for you anywhere on the boat — so quiet and neat 
 and well mannered that they haven’t even attracted your 
 attention.” To confirm his words, this champion of Hampton 
 students took pains during the trip to approach the diflferent 
 groups and talk separately witli each individual, inquiring 
 in his kind and fatherly way where they had come from and 
 what were their plans for life. In not one single case did 
 he find his first conviction a mistake, as he has since told not 
 only the friends who were with him, but more than one 
 ofi&cer and teacher of Hampton Institute, very much to their 
 gratification, as you may imagine. And some of them were 
 gratified again, recently, by hearing from a northern lady 
 visiting Hampton for a second time, that having no- 
 ticed some quiet act of politeness to a stranger done by a 
 young colored man of intelligent and pleasant appearance^ 
 on a railway train in Massachusetts, she had “wondered if he 
 were not from Hampton Institute/’ knowing that its stu- 
 dents had sometimes found work in that neighborhood, and 
 on inquiry, found this to be the case. 
 
 We tell 3^)11 these pleasant incidents, assured that they 
 will incite many of you to do all in your power to win the 
 same good opinion for yourselves, and keep up the good 
 reputation of Hampton students. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 71 
 
 And what are good manners on the road? We have 
 only to adapt to the special circumstances of travel the gen- 
 eral rule with which we started, that politeness at its foun- 
 dation is thoughtfulness for others and a proper sense of our 
 own relations to our surroundings. All through life, as a 
 poet has said, 
 
 We all are travellers Vvho throng 
 A thorny road together.” 
 
 To take the thorns out of others’ way will make the road 
 smoother for ourselves also, and let us not be a thorn in their 
 way if we can help it. 
 
 You will gather from the first of our true stories above, 
 that good manners on the road, as elsewhere in public, are 
 quiet manners. Ladies or gentlemen will not wish to make 
 themselves conspicuous among strangers, therefore talk 
 quietly together, or with the friends who come to see you 
 off. Demonstrative farewells are supposed to have been 
 made at home. A kiss should be held sacred for the nearest 
 and dearest, and they will not wish to make a display of it. 
 For the rest, a friendlj^ handshake is enough, and remember 
 again that that does not mean a torturing grip that will 
 leave its memory in aching joints. 
 
 TO YOUNG WOMEN. 
 
 Quietness of manner should accompany you all the way, 
 and will be your best passport and safeguard. If you are 
 traveling alone, be especially careful of your behavior. Don’t 
 
72 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 enter into familiar conversation with men who are stransrers 
 to you. Look out for your pocket book, and remember, too, 
 that as Shakespeare says, ‘‘Who steals my purse steals trash.’’ 
 Remember that you have your own self-respect, the rep- 
 utation of Hampton students, and the good name of the 
 women of your race to sustain. Not long ago a Hampton 
 girl was going North for the summer ; money had been sent 
 her for her fare ; alter paying her passage on the steamboat, 
 she put the balance for her railroad ticket into her satchel. 
 Unfortunately, not being perhaps much accustomed to trav- 
 eling, she left her stateroom door unlocked and her satchel 
 lying on the berth. When she returned it had disappeared. 
 G-reatly distressed she went to the stewardess. AVhile telling 
 her sad loss a white gentleman drew near, and hearing her 
 account, said to the stewardess, “Where does this young 
 woman come from ? ’ “ From Hampton Institute, sir.” “ I 
 
 can’t see a Hampton student suffer when I can help it,” said 
 the gentleman, and, taking out his pocket book, presented 
 her with a two dollar bill to replace the one she had lost. 
 It seems to me there are several less;)ns in this story, and I 
 will leave them to you to find out. 
 
 Be observant of all about you. A great deal can be 
 learned on a journey, not only of geography, but of human 
 nature and social customs. One good rule is not to do things 
 or go into places that you see no one else do or enter. A young 
 girl, taking a short journey alone, amused herself for some 
 
ON HABIT AND MANNERS. 
 
 73 
 
 time by watching the ways of people in the same car, and 
 seeing one very pleasant, modest looking young lady, not far 
 off, resolved that she would take her for a model all the way. 
 She thought she was so pretty and sweet looking that she 
 gave her in her thoughts her favorite name, and called her 
 jJIiss Charlotte. Observing that Miss Charlotte put her 
 satchel in the rack above her, set her umbrella in the corner 
 by her, and folded her shawl over the seat behind her, occu- 
 pying thus only the half seat she sat in, Sarah, as we will 
 call her, took hers from the seat beside her and stowed them 
 away in like manner, though many others in the car were 
 spreading their belongings over a whole seat. At the next 
 station a great many people got in, and Sarah looked rather 
 anxiously to see what Miss Charlotte would do. As usual, 
 the women and children entered the car first, looking from 
 side to side for a seat. Many who sat alone in a seat turned 
 their heads and looked out of the window, leaving their 
 baggage to speak for them ; some declared that the seat was 
 ^^engaged.” Miss Charlotte looked pleasantly at the first 
 woman and child who entered. The woman hesitated, but 
 seeing Sarah’s seat so near, sent her little boy to that and sat 
 down very gladly. Several were left standing, but when 
 the conductor came in he found seats for all, and Sarah was 
 very thankful that she was not one ot those whose baggage 
 he unceremoniously removed to accommodate some of those 
 
74 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 they would have least welcomed. When the cars stopped 
 for dinner, Miss Charlotte proved to have brought her lunch 
 basket with her, and as Sarah also had some sandwiches 
 and fruit in her satchel, she had another opportunity of 
 w^atching her model. She was glad that she, too, had a nice 
 clean napkin to spread on her lap, and though she had no 
 pretty fruit knife like Miss Charlotte, she followed very 
 closely her example of neatness, keeping her crumbs in her 
 napkin, and folding her apple cores and peach stones in a 
 paper, wondering indeed why she didn’t throw them out of the 
 window as some did, till<^she saw slie was only waiting till 
 the train had moved out of the station and away from the 
 town, where they would be annoying to passers by. Seeing 
 the little boy by her side look longingly, as children will, at 
 her fruit, Sarah would have liked to offer him one, but 
 fearing that his mother might not think it best for him, she 
 held it up with an inquiring look, as she caaght her eye. 
 The mother smiled and nodded, and Sarah offered it to the 
 little fellow. He looked towards his mother, who said, 
 
 ‘ Wou may take it, Tommie, and say thank you.” Sarah 
 was pleased to see that Miss Charlotte saw it too, and was 
 delighted when she gave her a pleasant smile. After that 
 the little fellow became quite sociable and she enjoyed his 
 childish talk ; but nothing more of note happened till, when 
 at the next station Miss Charlotte was getting off, as she 
 jjassed Sarah’s seat her veil was caught and drawn off, and 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 75 
 
 she went on without perceiving it, till Sarah, hurrying after^ 
 handed it off of the platform, calling ‘‘Oh, Miss Charlotte, 
 here is your veil you dropped.’’ “Oh, thank you very 
 much,” said the young lady with surprise, “but my name is 
 not Charlotte, did you think it was?” “Oh, no, ma’am — I 
 — beg your pardon,” said Sarah, her cheeks growing very 
 hot. The pretty young lady looked puzzled, but laughed 
 and said, “Well I thank you very much all the same,” and 
 there was no time for more, the train moved off, and Sarah 
 took her seat again, and wondered all the way what “Miss 
 Charlotte"’ would imagine about it, and what her name 
 really was, and where she lived, and what she would think 
 if she could know she had been a “ model.” But she never 
 saw her again, and that is all the story. You might make 
 up a great deal prettier ending if you were to try, no doubt, 
 and imagine a great many more circumstances. 
 
 Some people get into trouble by asking direction of 
 strangers about them, ratlier than of the proper officials. 
 Ticket agents, conductors, pursers, stewardesses, and police- 
 men, are responsible persons, part of whose business is to 
 direct strangers. If irresponsible persons mislead you by 
 accident or design, you have generally yourself to blame. 
 Other people, especially women traveling alone and unused 
 to traveling, make themselves very annoying and provoke 
 discourteous answers by asking very foolish, unnecessary 
 questions of the officers of the road, or requesting something 
 
76 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 they have no authority or right to do. As we have said 
 elsewhere, keep your eyes open. Read notices ; they are put 
 up on purpose to be read. When you need to make inqui- 
 ries, make them clearly and modestly of the proper persons, 
 and you will seldom receive anything but a courteous an- 
 swer, for which or for any help rendered even by one who is 
 paid to do it, it is always proper to say “ Thank you.” lie 
 cannot be paid for the courtesy with which he does his duty, 
 except by corresponding courtesy in those for whom he does it. 
 
 When you approach your destination, or have to change 
 cars, thii]k about your trunk. Don’t forget to check it, and 
 never give up your check except to an official, or without a 
 receipt. It is always well to Ipok when your trunk is check- 
 ed, to be sure that the numbers correspond, on the check you 
 hold and that on your trunk. It is well to also write the 
 number of your check, and tlie name or letters on it, in your 
 note book. This will enable the railroad or express company 
 to trace your trunk if it is lost. If you give your trunk to 
 an express agent be sure that he takes the right address and 
 check number, and take care of the receipt he gives you. It 
 is safe to give your check to a city hack driver to get your 
 trunk if you are going to take it on the carriage with you; 
 his hack is numbered and he is responsible. But if you are 
 not going with it, don’t give your trunk or check to any man 
 who oflers to take it, with no receipt. Many trunks have 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 77 
 
 been stolen in this way. If you don’t know how to manage^ 
 ask the conductor, or stewardess, or a policeman, according 
 to where you may be. But keep your own wits about you, 
 and when you leave car or boat or station, count your be- 
 longings and see that you leave nothing behind. If you 
 should ever leave anything, go to the office of tlie company, 
 or the station, where many things thus lost are brought. 
 It is always well to have everything clearly marked with 
 your name — satchel, umbrella, shawl strap, overshoes, pocket 
 book, etc. 
 
 The matter of dress comes up in traveling as everywhere 
 else. It is always a mistake to dress showily for traveling. 
 For short distances in summer, a simple calico or gingham, 
 clean and neat, with clean collar, and straw hat with ribbon, 
 is quite appropriate and much more ladylike than a white 
 muslin with gay ribbons, and hat with light flowers or lace, 
 getting more and more soiled every mile of the way. In 
 the same way, for long journeys or cool weather, a plain dark 
 alpaca or woolen stuff, with clean collar, dark sack, and hat 
 with dark ribbons, makes the best kind of traveling dress, 
 much better than anything light or showy. All cannot 
 afford a special traveling dress. That is not neccessary, but, 
 choose a plain, quiet dress to travel in and let it be neat and 
 whole. And clean hands are better than dirty and ragged 
 or showy gloves. A young girl we once saw, who, unwill- 
 
78 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ing to lose the effect of her rings, had put them on outside 
 her gloves, had certainly made a sad mistake. Strong ser- 
 viceable shoes, large enough to be perfectly comfortable, and 
 worn enough to be used to them, are best at any time, and 
 especially for a journey. In our changeable climate, a gos- 
 samer, overshoes, umbrella and shawl, save much danger 
 from exposure on a long journey. A good supply of hand- 
 kerchiefs and collars should also be in your satchel. A cel- 
 luloid collar and cuffs can be worn with comfort and washed 
 off like a china plate every night. If you engage a sleeping 
 car or berth, be sure to loosen your clothes thoroughly to 
 give your lungs free play on lying down. Serious illness 
 may result from neglect of this. With a little management, 
 it is quite possible to do this even in the narrow limits of a 
 sleeping car, and to remove the dress, folding neatly and 
 laying it at the foot of the berth, slipping on a loose sack, 
 comfortable to sleep in and proper to appear in in case of 
 emergency. The trouble this takes will be well rewarded 
 by the rest of the night and the comfort of the day on a long 
 journey. 
 
 CHAPTER XL — Manners on the Road — (Continued.) 
 
 TO YOUNO MEN. 
 
 The matter of dress touches you, too. Don’t try to look 
 like a dude, and don’t be negligent of your appearance. In 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 79 
 
 these days of celluloid collars and cufis, no one need wear 
 soiled linen. A clean flannel shirt is better than a dingy 
 white one ; a straw or felt hat better than a silk one ; well 
 blacked shoes look better than light or flashy ones^ while 
 clean hands and nails are the sign manual of a gentleman — 
 rings are no iraprovenient to them. 
 
 Don't buy coarse pa[>ers or dime novels. A man is 
 known by what he reads. Buy the respectable journals and 
 read wdiat is going on in your country. 
 
 Don’t strew peanut shells on the floor, and don’t make 
 the compartment you occupy so foul and revolting that a 
 woman — or a decent man — will rather stand up than sit 
 down there. 
 
 As I have just cautioned our girls as to their behavior 
 towards men who are strangers to them on the road, so do 
 I most earnestly say to you, ^mung men, protect the woman- 
 hood of your race. If a lack of self-respect on the part of a 
 woman is pitiable and sickening, the attempt of a man 
 to take advantage of such lack is contemptible and un- 
 pardonable. Stand ever ready to protect or aid without 
 presuming on anything great or small that you may be able 
 to do. Towards women, young or old, whom you meet on 
 the road, let your b^phavior be guided by this thought: 
 
 How should I want a man to treat my sister or my mo- 
 ther ?” 
 
8o 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 I do not forget that to colored people in America the 
 question of manners on the road may involve at times pecu- 
 liarly difficult and trying positions, and cases where the 
 courtesy will seem very one-sided. But while I understand 
 and deplore this, and wdile I admit that there may be cir- 
 cumstances when it will be right and necessary to make a 
 stand, in a proper and lawful way, for one’s lawful rights, I 
 believe that, especially in these cases, propriety of deport- 
 ment on your own part will do more than anything else to- 
 wards securing for you fair and proper treatment from 
 otliers. And trying as are some of the inconsistencies of 
 treatment, of which you have just cause to complain — the 
 penumbra of slavery’s dark eclipse out of which your race is 
 passing — I am sure that a glance over the past will encour- 
 age you by the j)erception that these very inconsistencies are 
 on the hopeful side and show what you have gained, not lost, 
 of rights and privileges. I am sure, too, that you will agree 
 with me that the improvement has been owing, in a great 
 measui'e, to the progress and the proper deportment of your 
 people. The incidents with which I began this chapter 
 show you how this is recognized by both North and South. 
 Thus every one of you can do something to help it on, and 
 with this inspiring thought I wish you each, wherever you 
 go, a pleasant journey. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 8t 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 LETTER WRITING, 
 
 There are certain well-defined rules in regard to the 
 arrangement of a letter, its address, date, signature, etc., with 
 which you ought to be tamiliar, and you also need to un- 
 derstand the regulations of general correspondence — that is, 
 you should know the difierence between a business letter and 
 a note of invitation, between an unceremonious line to a 
 friend and a polite and careful letter to a stranger. In fact, 
 there is a good deal to be learned before you can write a 
 neat, graceful, properly expressed letter, and as the ability 
 to do so should be one important result of your education, 
 you must try to familiarize yourselves as rapidly as possible 
 with the art of letter writing. 
 
 In the first place, then, whatever tlie object and style of 
 a letter may be, and to whomsoever it may be written, it 
 must always be dated — the name of the place from which, 
 and the day of the week and month upon which it is writ- 
 ten, being placed in the upper right hand corner of your 
 sheet of paper. Give it plenty of room, and if the letter is 
 of special importance, add in figures the date of the year as 
 well. A little lower down, and upon the left side, write the 
 name of the person you are addressing, always with a 
 proper prefix ; to a stranger, Dear Sir,” or Dear Madam 
 
82 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 to a frieud, whatever your taste and affection may dictate. 
 Directly below this, and again a little to the right, the body 
 of your letter should begin. This should be broken into 
 paragraphs, should be written in perfectly straight lines (it 
 is best to accustom yourself to use unruled paper), and should 
 be so arranged as not to close either at the extreme top or 
 bottom of your sheet, as this always gives an awkward look, 
 and by a little care can be avoided, while you must specially 
 avoid making blots and erasures. 
 
 Having completed your letter, you have still the envel- 
 ope to address, and this requires quite as much attention as 
 the letter itself, for, as you know, it is only by means of a 
 legible and correct address that your letter can reach its des- 
 tination. Begin somewhat above the middle of your envel- 
 ope and close to the left hand corner, with the plainly writ- 
 ten name of the person, giving any title which may belong 
 to him or her. Follow this a little lower down and further 
 to the right wHh, if it is to go to a city, the street and num- 
 ber ; if it is to go to any institution, office, society, etc., with 
 the requisite address of such place or society, writing, in all 
 cases, after this (again lower down and more to the right) 
 the name of the village or city, closing with the name of the 
 State. 'Vhen there is no number, street, or special address, 
 the name of the village or town follows directly after the 
 name of the person, and in cases where the place is little 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 83 
 
 known it is best to put between its name and the name of 
 tlie State, the name of the county in which it is situated. 
 
 The following is a properly written note with envelope 
 appended : 
 
 My dear Uncle : — 
 
 Hampton, March 9, 1875. 
 
 I arrived here last night and write at once in 
 order that you may know of my safety and feel no further anxiety 
 about me. 
 
 I have a very pleasant room and am sure I shall be happy here, 
 provided I can keep up with my classes, which I certainly mean to 
 do, if it can be done by hard work. Of course I am a little home* 
 sick at first, and everything seems strange to me, but I expected that, 
 so do not feel discouraged. 
 
 I hope you will write to me often, and do not forget to give my 
 love to Jennie and Tom. 
 
 It is time for me to go to school, and I am going to begin my 
 education by learning to be punctual, so the rest of my news must 
 wait until my next letter. Hoping to hear from you soon, I am, 
 Your affectionate Niece, 
 
 Sarah Thompson. 
 
 Mr. James Thompson, 
 
 Care of Mr. Charles Lee, 
 
 18 William St. 
 
 Raleigh, 
 
 North Carolina. 
 
 There are so many difierent ways of prefacing your sig- 
 nature that it is impossible and, indeed, unnecessary to enu- 
 
84 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 merate them here, but whatever form you may use must be- 
 gin a little below and to the right of the final line of your 
 letter, while below this, and to the right again, comes your 
 signature — that is, your name, either written at length or 
 with merely the initials of the Christian name or names, 
 and the whole surname. 
 
 Your sheet of paper must be neatly folded to fit the 
 envelope, and the stamp must always be placed in the upper 
 right hand corner where it will not cover any portion of the 
 direction. In writing the direction you must • remember 
 that post office officials, in distributing letters, always read 
 first the name of the State, then the city, then the street, and 
 last of all the name of the person, for it is in that way that 
 a mail is made up, the letter being first sent to the destined 
 State, and then to the local postmaster, who finally gives it 
 to the person for whom it is intended. Your direction, 
 therefore, should not be so written as to crowd the latter 
 part of it ; on the contrary, write the names of the village 
 and of the State in a large and clear hand, and the name of 
 the person in somewhat smaller characters. 
 
 Very formal notes, notes of invitation, etc., are fre- 
 quently written in the third person, as, 
 
 Philadelphia, May loth. 
 
 Mr. Smith regrets to inform Mrs. Allen that he is unable to give 
 her the information she desires, but believes that she can obtain it 
 from Miss Jay, to whom he encloses a letter of introduction. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 85 
 
 Now a letter of introduction is usually given by a mu- 
 tual friend to one of two individuals who are strangers to 
 each other (the bearer of the letter presenting it to the per- 
 son to whom it is addressed), and would run somewhat as 
 follows, varying of course according to the facts of the case ; 
 
 19 Columbia St., Washington, I 
 December 6th. ( 
 
 My Dear Mr. Turner: 
 
 I take pleasure in introducing to you Mr. 
 Henry Otis, a friend and neighbor of mine who is intending for the 
 present to reside in Washington. Any kindness which you may have 
 it in your power to show him, will be a personal favor to me, while I 
 am sure that you yourself will enjoy his society. 
 
 Hoping to see you soon, I remain, 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 Samuel Warner. 
 
 Notes of invitation in the third person admit of little 
 variation, the usual form being : 
 
 Mrs. Jones requests the pleasure of Mr. Knox’s company, on 
 Wednesday evening, June 2d, at 8 o’clock. 
 
 Regrets and acceptances are framed in the same way* 
 Business men use certain forms of correspondence which 
 presuppose familiarity with, and are only used in business 
 circles, but every young man, at least, ought to be able to 
 write a fair business note according to established form, and 
 although one example does not by any means cover the 
 ground, it will enable you to understand the usual form : 
 
86 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 New York, May 4, 1875. 
 
 Messrs. Brown, Jones & Co., Chicago. 
 
 Gentlemen : 
 
 Yours of the 30th ult. received and contents duly 
 noted. In reply to your enquiries in regard to sales of cotton we 
 would say that there is little demand for high grades at present, the 
 market being dull and season late. 
 
 We shall do nothing without further orders from you. 
 
 Your obedient servants, 
 
 John Smith & Son. 
 
 Letters to strangers should not be written familiarly, 
 although the ordinary formula is retained at the beginning. 
 ‘^Dear Sir/’ or ‘‘Dear Madam/^ “Dear Mr., Mrs., or Miss,” 
 are always correct, while you may sign yourself, “Respect- 
 fully,’' or “Very respectfully yours,” “Truly,” or “Very 
 truly yours,” “Faithfully yours,” “Sincerely yours,” or by 
 a variety of forms. 
 
 In using postal cards you should remember that you are 
 at the mercy of the public, so to speak, and should therefore 
 write nothing that you are unwilling all the world should 
 read. Telegrams should be as concise as possible, the ordi- 
 nary forms of address and signature being omitted, and 
 merely the name and telegraphic address given. It is good 
 practice to occasionally write telegrams upon imaginary bus- 
 iness, in order to learn how much information may be given 
 and received within the compass of ten words. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 87 
 
 It is, both in society and in business, your duty to an- 
 swer letters fully and promptly, reading them carefully and 
 making full acknowledgment of their contents. 
 
 In writing, as in talking to friends, you can of course 
 allow yourself much more liberty, but at the same time 
 must always obey the rules which have been given in respect 
 to dates, addresses, etc., and must be careful to keep your 
 lines straight, your paper clean, and your whole letter, from 
 the date at the beginning to the stamp on the envelope, neat 
 and accurate. 
 
 You will find, moreover, as you begin to attempt letter 
 writing, that you can never learn to write correctly or com- 
 pose easily, except by constant practice, and whether or no 
 you get such practice will depend mainly upon your own 
 conscientiousness and energy. Paper, pens and ink, are 
 within the reach of almost all of you, and if you will make 
 a point of using them carefully and frequently you will find 
 that the bugbears of letter writing will soon disappear, and 
 that which to many of you is now a task, will not only 
 become a pleasure to yourselves but will enable you to give 
 pleasure to others. 
 
88 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 MINOR MORALS. 
 
 The Christian law is, as I have said before, so closely 
 interwoven with the whole fabric of modern civilization that 
 many ot our daily habits, and much of our social life, may 
 be said to come properly under the head of minor morals* 
 That is, there are many forms which people of refinement 
 observe in their intercourse with each other, which are not 
 only matters of etiquette, but also come under the jurisdic- 
 tion of the moral law, and are of more importance, both to 
 individuals and to society, than any mere ceremonies can be. 
 It is, of course, often very diflS.cult to decide just when and 
 how our habits or our manners cease to be ^‘right” and 
 ‘‘wrong,/’ and begin to be merely “proper’^ and “improper,’^ 
 and I think it is quite certain that we have all of us much 
 to learn in respect to that morality which is the foundation 
 of society. Therefore I hope that you will be glad to study 
 a little for yourselves, and to gain a clearer comprehension 
 of the value of truth and honor and honesty and purity in 
 the details of life, even when those details are, as is often the 
 case, of the homeliest and roughest description. However 
 unimportant an action ma}^ seem to you, however small the 
 thing to be done may be, it is always better to be right than 
 wrong about it, and I want to speak to you now of a few, at 
 least, of these daily habits of yours, in which you are espe- 
 cially likely to fall into error. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 89 
 
 1 have already spoken of the rudeness of mimicking, 
 ridiculing, or in any way ‘^making fun’’ of people in an un- 
 kind spirit, and I want you to understand that it is not only 
 rude but also really wrong, as are all words and actions 
 whereby you unnecessarily wound the feelings of others. 
 Try at all times and in every way to be considerate, remem- 
 bering that deep injury and grief may be inflicted by what 
 you may only think ‘‘a little thoughtlessness and to show 
 you how far such thoughtlessness may go, and how serious 
 its results may be, I want you to ask yourselves a few ques- 
 tions about your consideration for the rights of other people 
 in respect to tlieir personal property, which is certainly a 
 serious matter. Do you not frequently borrow from your 
 friends and schoolmates articles of clothing, books, or even 
 money, which you forget to return? Do you not sometimes 
 even take such little things,” as you probably consider 
 them, without asking leave of their owner, and although at 
 the time you undoubtedly mean to return them, do you not 
 sometimes And that you are unable to do so, and thus actu- 
 ally end by committing a dishonesty ? This carelessness in 
 regard to other people’s property is, I fear, not an uncommon 
 fault among you, and it is only too true that, while you 
 would perhaps never do deliberately dishonest things, you 
 are, nevertheless, sometimes led into violations of the eighth 
 commandment through simple thoughtlessness, or want of 
 consideration for the distinction of mine and thine. 
 
90 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 Now, I think that you must see for yourselves that if 
 you do not overcome this fault in early life, it will inevita- 
 bly grow upon you as you grow older, and cannot be other- 
 wise than harmful in its effects upon your moral nature, so 
 that your duty is to put strict guard upon yourselves in this 
 respect at once and constantly. Do not take anything which 
 belongs to another person, without first asking that person’s 
 leave, and not even then unless you are sure of your ability 
 to return it or its equivalent. Do not get into the habit of 
 borrowing, even from members of your own family, for such 
 a habit tends very surely to encourage thriftlessness and im- 
 prudence, and you will find that in the end you are very 
 seldom the better for borrowed things, however tempting 
 they may be at the moment. If you make strict honesty 
 the habit of your life you will soon discover the result to be 
 an independence and self-respect which is of infinite value to 
 the man or woman who has rightfully earned it. 
 
 In the preceding chapters, upon your behavior in gene- 
 ral society, I omitted to speak to you in regard to certain 
 matters of politeness, because they are also, and, I think, 
 primarily, matters of morality, and one of these omitted sub- 
 jects is the reading of other people’s letters or papers. You 
 know, of course, that few things are meaner or more dishon- 
 orable than to open any letter, paper, or package, which is 
 addressed to anybody else ; but I am not sure whether you 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 9I 
 
 understand that this extends even to conamunications which 
 have already been opened by the person for whom they are 
 intended. That is, that the fact of letters, etc., being un- 
 sealed and open, does not by any means give you the right 
 to read them. Not only must you not take letters from the 
 trunks, desks, or boxes of their owners, in order to read 
 them, but when you find letters lying open upon a table, for 
 example, or the floor, you must scrupulously avoid satisfy- 
 ing your curiosity as to their contents. If you want to find 
 the owner of a letter thus found, you can generally do so by 
 looking at the address or possibly the signature, but beyond 
 that you must never permit yourself to go. This rule ap- 
 plies also to unfinished letters which your companions may 
 have left within your reach ; you must on no account read 
 them, and furthermore, you must never look over the shoul- 
 der of a person who is writing or reading a letter — this latter 
 being, to say the least of it, an unpardonable rudeness. 
 
 Another most contemptible habit is that of prying about 
 among things of whatever kind which belong to other peo- 
 ple. To open drawers, trunks, boxes, etc., to search in pock- 
 ets, private books, or similar receptacles ; in short, to take 
 any sly or unfair means to possess yourself of information 
 to which you have no right, is so evidently wrong that I am 
 sure it is only necessary to call your attention to it, for you 
 can see, without any explanation from me, how ignoble such 
 conduct is. 
 
92 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 Again, if by any chance you become the possessor of in- 
 formation which was not intended for you, your only proper 
 course is to keep scrupulously silent about it ; and in this 
 connection I want to say something to you about the too 
 common practice of reckless gossiping about other people’s 
 aifairs. I have told you before that it is always best to be 
 careful as to what you say, or listen to, about your neighbors, 
 and again I must remind you that scandal (which usually 
 means repeating unpleasant and harmful stories which may 
 or may not be true, about your acquaintances) is always to 
 be avoided, because it is almost inevitably injurious both to 
 the subjects of it and to those who talk it. 
 
 Try to think and speak well of your neighbors when- 
 ever it is possible, dwelling always rather upon their virtues 
 than their faults, for ^^charity covereth a multitude of sins,” 
 and charity means to love one’s neighbor as one’s self. Do 
 not gossip or talk carelessly or much about other people’s 
 affairs, there are other subjects better worth talking and 
 thinking of, and except in cases where you. are able to give 
 advice or assistance it is best for you to remember that usu- 
 ally it is wise and kind to mind one’s own business. You 
 will understand that, used in this sense, ‘‘minding your own 
 business” does not imply that you are to be selfishly wrapped 
 up in your own affairs, but simply that you are to permit to 
 others the same freedom from interference which you desire 
 for yourself. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 93 
 
 Do not help to circulate stories of the entire truth of 
 which you are not certain, a thing which is so frequently 
 done, merely for the sake of excitement, that it and its com- 
 panion fault of exaggeration are fixed habits with many 
 people. Try not only to be sure of the truth of any reports 
 which you may desire to repeat, but try also to train your- 
 self to exactitude of speech. Weigh your words ; be sure 
 that you know just what they mean before you use them, 
 and then don’t let them be too big or too frequent. State 
 your facts with as much accuracy as you can command, and 
 in order to do this train yourself to observe carefully and to 
 listen attentively, for it is only by doing this that you can 
 protect yourself from constant errors in your descriptions 
 and statements. 
 
 If you permit yourself to fall into a habit of using big 
 words simply because you fancy they have a fine sound, you 
 will find them snares and pitfalls, for they will tempt you 
 into exaggerations, into saying more than you mean, and 
 very often into actual mis-statements or falsehoods. As a 
 matter of elegance, too, you should avoid grandiloquence of 
 speech, for nothing is more likely to make you ridiculous in 
 the eyes of sensible, well-bred people, than an attempt to 
 unduly magnify your subject or yourself by the use of unne- 
 cessary or exaggerated forms of expression. This, and more 
 also, applies to all words or expressions which are in the 
 
94 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 least irreverent or profane, of which, I think, I may safely 
 tell you that they are never used by Christians or even by 
 persons who claim nothing more than mere external refine- 
 ment. If you desire to gain the respect of either of these 
 two classes of people, you must give up absolutely the use of 
 all profanity, irreverence and vulgarity in your language, 
 and I would also once more advise you to guard yourself 
 against the too frequent use of exclamations of any kind, for 
 this latter is very commonly only a form of irreverence. 
 
 This whole matter of guarding your speech is an im- 
 portant one, for with the tongue you can commit much fol- 
 ly, injury and sin, and you must remember that words 
 which are, in one point of view, only ‘^the breath of your 
 mouths,’^ are, in another, fixed and unalterable facts, potent 
 for good and evil. Of scandal, of profanity, of coarseness, of 
 unkindness, words are the chief vehicle, the tongue the great 
 agent, while of a greater sin than any of these, the burden 
 lies principally upon that little member” which is too of- 
 ten ‘‘a world of iniquity.’ ' 
 
 I mean the sin of falsehood, a sin which I fear many of 
 you do not sufiiciently dread and fight against, but which 
 is too fatal in its consequences to be for a moment trified 
 with. Do you ever stop to think soberly of the effect upon 
 a person of deliberate or even thoughtless untruthfulness? 
 Do you realize that if you allow yourself to become habitu- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 95 
 
 ally false in your speech, even in matters of little import- 
 ance, that you are undermining your whole moral nature and 
 forfeiting the confidence of your fellows, thereby fatally in- 
 juring yourself? I cannot and need not speak here of the 
 innumerable varieties of falsehood, nor of the far-spreading 
 evil which a single lie may work, — you must know from 
 your own experience that the harm which a liar can do to 
 others is incalculable, — the thing that, perhaps, you do not 
 understand is the harm which a liar does to himself, and the 
 danger of the first steps in the path of deceit. 
 
 As a general thing, of course, lies are told for some 
 purpose, to conceal a previous lie, to obtain some advantage, 
 or for some similar end, and in each case are only the begin- 
 ning of a long course of deceit, for one of the terrible fea- 
 tures of falsehood is that one untruth necessitates another, 
 the alternative of confession being so painful that tew people 
 have the courage to meet it. Such deliberate falsehood is 
 an alarming symptom of moral disease, and the mental state 
 which produces it should no more be permitted to continue 
 than a fever is allowed to run its course untended, and if 
 you will resist steadfastly the first temptations, you will find 
 each victory easier than the last, for your moral strength, 
 like your physical strength, increases by use. 
 
 Consider well the fact that everything is against the 
 liar; he gains nothing, or at best but a temporary advan- 
 tage; he loses the confidence of his associates, and with it 
 
g6 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 his best chance of worldly success ; he loses his own self- 
 respect, and with it all the best of his power ; and he loses 
 altogether and entirely liis claim to be a servant of God, the 
 noblest name for which any man can strive. Like all other 
 virtues, truthfulness can be gained only by work and watch- 
 fulness ; you must never let yourselves grow careless, or per- 
 mit yourselves to believe that white lies,’’ or prevarica- 
 tions, or even inaccuracies, do no harm, for they are all false 
 lights which sooner or later lead away from the pure light 
 of truth. You can win few things for yourselves which are 
 better worth having than a habit of speaking the truth at 
 all times and seasons and to all people, and if there is one 
 thing more than another which you ought to gain before 
 you go out into the world to meet its temptations, it is a 
 horror of lying and liars. And here, as in so many other 
 respects, you can help yourselves more than anybody else 
 can help you ; you can remember how shocking falsehood is 
 in itself and in its consequences, and, with God’s help, can 
 determine to cast in your lot with His servants, in whose 
 tongue there is no guile for without such resolution the 
 lives upon which you are just entering will be worth little 
 to yourselves or your fellow men. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 97 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 MINOR MORALS — (Continued.) 
 
 Among the innumerable forms of deceitfulne&s there is 
 one, VIZ. : the withholding of the truth, of which I want to 
 speak to you as students, and which I want you to consider, 
 as it aflfects you in your relation to each other, to your teach- 
 ers, and to your school. I am sure that there are few of you 
 who do not grow to have a real and hearty affection for the 
 school to whose influences you owe so much, and who do not 
 feel that in after life you will look back to your school as to 
 a home, with interest, with gratitude, and, if all goes well, 
 with honest pride. And yet I fear that you do not often 
 remember how much the character and success of your school 
 depend upon individual scholars, how much you can help 
 your teachers, how much you can do for your fellow stu- 
 dents, how much, in short, the whole tone of the school will 
 depend upon you. Xo school can be very powerful for good 
 unless a majority of its students co-operate with the teach- 
 ers, and make the honor of their school a real thing, so real 
 that it is a live influence among them, and this can only be 
 done by the best and most intelligent scholars uniting to 
 put down and expel the vices which are constantly creeping 
 in among their younger and weaker schoolmates. You will 
 understand better than I can tell you how much there is 
 
98 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 which is wrong and foolish going on among you, which 
 your teachers, however deeply it may grieve them, can hard- 
 ly reach without your assistance, and that, therefore, your 
 personal responsibility is very great. When you become a 
 member of a school you become responsible, not only for your 
 indivdual life in it, but for its honor and good name, and 
 there is nothing which a student should feel more keenly 
 than any disgrace befalling his school, above all, when it is a 
 disgrace which, to a greater or less extent, may be chargea- 
 ble to his own carelessness or wrong doing. 
 
 Now while there are many ways in which you can show 
 your allegiance to your school and your determination to 
 make its record honorable and its name respected, there is 
 one in particular which often involves some troublesome 
 questions and requires much consideration — I mean that 
 courageous telling of truths for the good of the school, which 
 you know will bring upon you from some of your compan- 
 ions the accusation of tale-telling, an accusation which must 
 always be very painful to any right-minded boy or girL 
 
 Tale-telling is emphatically mean, but there is a wide 
 difierence between glibly complaining of some fellow stu- 
 dent’s mistake or misdemeanor, and conscientiously and so- 
 berly reporting to the school officers anything which you 
 are convinced is, unknown to them, injuring or interfering 
 with the work of the school, or poisoning the moral atnios- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 99 
 
 phere. This latter you are bound in honor to do even at the 
 
 cost of great pain to yourself ; it is a duty w^hich you owe to 
 
 % 
 
 the school as an organization of which you are a responsible 
 member, and in doing it you need to be sure only of two 
 things: first, that your report is accurate; second, that it 
 is made, not for the sake of telling tales, but because you 
 know that in no other way can the evil be remedied. 
 
 To take or attempt to take the law into your own hands 
 on such occasions, is almost always worse than useless, for 
 you are not in a position of authority, and usually have nei- 
 ther the experience nor the judgment necessary to enable 
 you to deal justly and wisely with the offender. Tlie only 
 honest and courageous course for a student wlio becomes 
 aware of a serious misdemeanor on the part of a fellow stu- 
 dent, is to report at once, without exaggeration or reserva- 
 tion, to the proper authorities, and to be guided as to his 
 own action entirely by their decision. 
 
 By this, and by a conscientious obedience to the laws of 
 the school, you can vastly strengthen the hands of your 
 teachers, and you can do your share in the honorable and 
 lasting work of building up a Christian college for your peo- 
 ple, a work of which your own experience must already have 
 taught you the inestimable importance. 
 
 Throughout all your school life jou should remember 
 that the time which you spend in study is entirely and sina- 
 
lOO 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ply a time of preparation. The great work of life opens before 
 you when the school doors close behind you, and from that 
 day forward you will in all probability have little time or op- 
 portunity for merely personal cultivation. You have spent 
 months, possibly years, in sharpening your weapons, and 
 when the day comes for using them they should be keen and 
 true, or your chance in the crowded field will be snaall. Re- 
 member, then, that your school hours are precious, that the 
 knowledge which you acquire in them is the foundation of 
 all that you will get in after life, and that the habits which 
 you then form will remain always at the base of your char- 
 acter. In your school, under the guiding and protecting 
 influence ot your teachers, you have an opportunity to form 
 and strengthen both your moral and intellectual nature, and 
 you cannot too strongly feel the importance of making the 
 best use of your advantages, I believe that most of you un- 
 derstand the value of the education which you get from 
 books, and that upon that point I need say little to you. 
 You know that without such education you can do little or 
 nothing ; that with it, the world of art, of science, of busi- 
 ness is open to you, and ou are aw are that in order to ob- 
 tain it you must pay the price of persistent hard work, but 
 in regard to the habits of life which you are forming day by 
 day, I fear your convictions are not so clear. 
 
 In respect to these habits, then, I have something to 
 say to you before we part, and although it may seem to you 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 lOI 
 
 to be to some extent a reiteration of what has been said be- 
 fore, yet I hope to be able to put the facts before you in a 
 new and clearer light. 
 
 The habit of courtesy, of consideration for others, the 
 habit of truth telling and of feir dealing, the habit of self- 
 control, you can form in yourselves (as soon as you are old 
 enough to appreciate their importance), no matter how great 
 your early disadvantages may have been, provided you can 
 place yourselves for a time under favorable conditions, and 
 nowhere can you find these conditions so well as in a good 
 school. In such a school you are thrown into close contact 
 with a large number of young men and women, under such 
 regulations that courtesy, consideration and self-control, be- 
 come matters of course, while the association with cultivated 
 teachers is of very great personal assistance to you. All the 
 circumstances are helpful, for you have not only individual 
 ambition as a spur, but you have also an ambition to keep 
 up the reputation of the school, and a desire that neither 
 those who have graduated before you nor those who are to 
 come after you, shall have reason to be ashamed of your re- 
 cord. 
 
 You have, in short, as I have already told you, what is 
 probably the best opportunity you can ever obtain to make 
 yourself strong for good and against evil, and in order to use 
 your opportunity wisely you ought to consider what are 
 your special weaknesses and temptations. 
 
102 
 
 ON habits and manners. 
 
 Do you ever stop, for example, to think how frequently 
 idleness ruins men and women, and whether you yourself 
 are doing your best to form a habit of industry? Are you 
 conscientious about your work, filling every hour set apart 
 for labor with useful employment, or do you shirk and evade, 
 doing only what you are obliged to do and doing that not 
 
 very energetically or persistently ? Do you realize that the 
 
 % 
 
 command ^‘Whatsoever thine hand findeth to do, doit with 
 thy might,’’ is applicable to all your undertakings, because 
 slip shod, unregulated work is never good or successful, and 
 you can never do little things well unless you are in earnest 
 about them. 
 
 If you have thought much about this matter of indus- 
 try you must already have learned that it is not only all- 
 essential as regards your worldly success, but that it has also 
 a most important and certain infl.uence upon your character. 
 If you permit yourself to become careless about your work, 
 to fall into irregular, unpunctual habits, you will find that 
 it affects your whole life and injures you seriously in many 
 ways, gradually unfitting you for any kind of persistent la- 
 bor, and making you finally useless, shiftless, and utterly 
 unsuccessful. Begin, then, in school, where everything is 
 in your favor, to make yourself conscientiously industrious, 
 and do it as a matter ot principle, for as the years go on you 
 w’ill find that there is spiritual as well as material truth in 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 103 
 
 the proverb, ‘‘The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath 
 nothing, but the substance of a diligent man is precious.’’ 
 
 Hand in hand with the vice of idleness goes frequently 
 another almost equally dangerous vice, that of waste; and 
 the temptations to it among young people are usually very 
 great. You have not yet learned by experience the danger 
 of wasteful aud the value of economical habits, and, as a 
 general thing, youth has more temptations to spend than 
 incentives to save. Usually you have no one dependent 
 upon you ; you are strong and hopeful and not afraid of the 
 “ rainy days” against which older people are constantly ad- 
 vising you to provide. You scarcely see why you should 
 trouble yourself now to form a habit of economy, and it 
 seems very hard and unreasonable that you should be told 
 to deny yourself pleasures now^ in order to prepare for a very 
 uncertain future. But if you are wise, you will learn as wise 
 men since the foundation of the world have learned, ‘^from 
 the ant, which provideth her meat in the summer and gath- 
 ereth her food in the harvest,” and will understand that 
 your material prosperity will largely depend upon your 
 thrift. Furthermore, waste is in itself sinful ; we have no 
 right to squander and misuse anything, but should honestly 
 economize and make the best use of everything which passes 
 through our hands, whether it be our own or another’s. 
 
 The food which we waste, which might feed the hungry. 
 
104 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 clothing which we neglect and abuse, which might cover the 
 naked, tools or material of any kind which we wear out and 
 destroy by rough handling or carelessness, money which we 
 spend thoughtlessly — for all these we are accountable, and 
 neither here nor hereafter can we escape from our responsi- 
 bility. 
 
 Diligence and thrift are at the foundation of worldly 
 prosperity and are also most emphatically Christian virtues, 
 and neglect of them in your youth will cost you in Jater life 
 a heavy price, while I am inclined to press upon you their im- 
 portance, because as a people you have had in the past little 
 opportunity to practice them, and are therefore specially 
 likely to undervalue them. 
 
 A virtuous life is a many-sided life ; if you mean to be- 
 good men and women it will not suffice for you to cultivate 
 merely those virtues which are easy and pleasant to you, so 
 growing in one direction only, but your endeavor must be to 
 develop evenly and healthfully upon all sides; and now, in 
 these years whicli are set apart as a time of preparation for 
 the work and care and responsibility which will surely be the 
 lot of every one of you, you should constantly and earnestly 
 remember how precious is every hour. All that you learn 
 now is just so much working capital for the rest of your 
 lives, and if properly used you will find that it will never 
 fail to bring you a heavy interest upon all the time and 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 lOS 
 
 strength its accumulation may have cost you. All the 
 knowledge you get from books, all the experience you gain 
 of different forms of labor, all the good habits you form, may 
 be considered as permanent investments, which, by a little 
 determination on your part, may be made continuously and 
 increasingly profitable, and the honorable ambition to elevate 
 yourselves and your people, which, I believe, most of you 
 feel, ought to help you greatly in overcoming the obstacles 
 which God in his omniscience has seen fit to put in your path. 
 
 You know better than I can tell you what those obsta- 
 cles are, and I believe you are rapidly learning what I have 
 again and again told you in these pages, that they can only 
 be surmounted or removed by patient, hard, intelligent work. 
 For such work you have now the opportunity ; in it you 
 have the warm sympathy and wise assistance of teachers and 
 friends, to it you liave every stimulus that human life can 
 offer. 
 
 More than all this, and I believe that there are many of 
 you wdio have a deep and honest sense of the truth of what I 
 am going to say, you have the humble faith that you are the 
 children of an all-wise Father whose will it is honor and 
 gladness to fulfil, in whose justice you can most absolutely 
 trust. If you can put love for Him at the foundation of your 
 lives, all the details of which I have tried to teach you, 
 something, will seem neither trivial nor impossible, you will 
 know the meaning of that beautiful old verse, — 
 
io6 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 “A servant, with this clause, 
 
 Makes drudgery divine ; 
 
 Who sweeps a room as for Thy laws, 
 
 Makes that and the action fine.” 
 
 And you can so order your ways that wherever you may be, 
 or whatever may be your work, you can feel and show that 
 you are about your Father's business. 
 
 It is to this end that all decency, all courtesy, all honor, 
 all study tend, and this is the conclusion of the whole mat- 
 ter : ‘^Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the 
 whole duty of man/’ 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 HOUSE AND HOME. 
 
 The corner stone of all civilization is the Family ; the 
 existence of families includes the existence of homes, and a 
 home pre-supposes a house, so that we are swiftly and easily 
 led to comprehend the importance to the human race, or at 
 least to all civilized members of it, of the houses which shel- 
 ter them, and which, furthermore, supply so lar^e a share of 
 the comforts, the charms, the sweet and powerful influences 
 of Home. 
 
 The effect of well built, convenient, attractive houses, 
 is hardly to be overrated ; tliey are so supremely civilizing 
 

 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 107 
 
 \ 
 
 I that men and women can hardly fail to be made, in one way 
 >: or another, the better for living in them ; they seem to offer 
 a premium upon neatness and taste, and are a constant stim- 
 ulant to the desire for comfort and beauty, which is common 
 to all people above the level of barbarians. No young man 
 at the outset of his life can have a safer or wiser ambition 
 than that which he gains from his desire to become a house- 
 holder ; no young woman can go far wrong who believes that 
 to become a housekeeper, in the true meaning of the term, is 
 a good and beautiful thing, and neither of these positions 
 are, as a general thing, to be lightly won or easily kept. A 
 ^ man who has only his own labor to depend upon must make 
 up his mind to much hard work and some self sacrifice be- 
 fore he attains to the undivided ownership of a suitable and 
 comfortable house ; and a woman, who in her childhood and 
 youth has known little or nothing of the details of properly 
 organized housew^ork, needs to lay up a stock of courage and 
 perseverance w^hen she promises herself to become a true 
 housekeeper. 
 
 But both man and woman find themselves amply repaid 
 for all their labor and sacrifice when, the goal being won, 
 the house and home are theirs, and they can rest, as did the 
 wdse men of old, under the safe and beautiful shelter of their 
 own vine and figtree. 
 
 Now, taking for granted the desire and resolution to 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 io8 
 
 make homes for yourselves which, I believ^e, exist among 
 most of you to whom these chapters are addressed, there 
 follow at once the practical questions: first, What is the 
 safest and quickest way of becoming the owner of a house, 
 open to a man who works for his daily bread?’’ and second, 
 ^‘What is the best and most convenient plan for building a 
 suitable house on limited means?” 
 
 The answer to the first question will vary to a certain 
 extent with circumstances, but in the main will remain the 
 same, and, to show that the principle upon which it is based 
 has already been successtully demonstrated, I quote from an 
 editorial in the Southern Workman for October, 1875, which 
 describes an undertaking similar to many which have been 
 initiated, and in a majority of cases successfully carried 
 through, in the South, from that date to the present. 
 
 Commencing in April, 1871, a gentleman, resident in 
 the South, built and sold to negroes forty-nine houses, be- 
 sides selling to them sixteen vacant lots. Only three of the 
 houses were paid for in cash. Twenty-four of the remaining 
 houses have been paid for in full, chiefly in monthly instal- 
 ments. The other twenty^-two were sold for $10,755, of 
 which $5,650 has been paid. Xo case has yet occurred, or is 
 likely to occur, in which it has been or will be necessary to 
 turn out a purchaser for default. First payments of from 
 one-tenth to one-fifth have always been insisted on, partly 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS IO9 
 
 as a means of sorting out the better class, and partly because 
 having paid their fifty or one hundred dollars, they would 
 make great eflforts rather than lose it.” 
 
 The cost of these houses, built as above described, was^ 
 as the figures show, about five hundred dollars apiece, and 
 every one of the forty-nine purchasers has found it in his 
 power to pay from fifty to one hundred dollars (or more) 
 down at once, and to continue monthly payments of fion:^ 
 five to ten dollars. 
 
 The security of the gentleman who thus offers his expe- 
 rience, lay in the fact that lie withheld the deed of house and 
 lot until the whole price was paid, giving the purchaser a 
 contract to give him the deed when the last payment should 
 be made, and he made his profit, which was very small, by 
 buying a large tract of land and building by wholesale. The 
 interest was included in the instalments, and this served 
 often to hasten payments, the whole arrangement being, in 
 short, exactly similar in its results to a mortgage. 
 
 A man buying a single lot and building a single house^ 
 could hardly, of course, do it on such advantageous terms as 
 the above ; but the diflcerence would not be very great, and 
 in a neighborhood w^here a number of steady, industrious 
 men were willing to unite, land could be bought and houses 
 put up at the cheapest possible rates, the necessary money 
 being borrowed from a bank or an individual upon mort- 
 
r 10 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 gages on each house and lot. In this case the mortgage 
 and interest thereon would be paid oft by instalments exact- 
 ly as the monthly payments were made to the gentleman 
 from whom I have quoted, and the results in each case would 
 be the same. 
 
 The fact that forty-nine men have been found in any 
 one locality who could in this manner purchase houses for 
 themselves (and I ask you again to notice that there has not 
 been a single defaulter) establishes a fair precedent, as the 
 circumstances in this instance were not specially favorable, 
 and the*successful purchasers were simply working men of 
 ordinary honesty and perseverance. Any sober, industrious 
 man, with a thrifty wife who is willing to do her share of 
 the work, can, if he is getting average w^ages, pay in less 
 than three years for a house and lot which will provide for 
 him and his family a comfortable home for a lifetime, and 
 he can do it with very little more exertion than would be 
 required to pay the rent of an inferior house for the same 
 length of time. 
 
 The advantages of owning a house in distinction to hir- 
 ing one, are so great as to need only the briefest mention, 
 and most of you must already have learned that, for many 
 reasons, hired houses make very uncertain and unsatisfactory 
 homes. There is no better investment for a certain propor- 
 tion of a man’s capital than a house and lot, and tlie earlier 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 Ill 
 
 in life he makes the investment, the more profitable it will 
 be, not only as a direct saving of money, but also and prin- 
 cipally in a higher sense. In the first place, he saves for 
 himself the profit which, in i)aying rent, he puts in another 
 man's pocket ; he avoids the uncertainty which must always 
 accompany the occupation of another man’s house, and the 
 expense, discomfort and loss caused by frequent removals 
 from one place to another, and he secures all the pecuniary 
 advantage which must accrue to any working man who be- 
 comes known as a steady, industrious and permanent resident 
 of any one locality. 
 
 But perhaps his greatest gain is that which comes sec- 
 ondarily, in the moral stimulus which he and his family 
 receive from living in a house which is their own property, 
 wherein no one has a right but themselves, which they can 
 improve andbeautify until it becomes to them, as their home, 
 the pleasantest and most attractive spot on earth. When a 
 man and woman actually own the house which is their home, 
 they find themselves, as a rule, quickly filled with an hon- 
 orable ambition to make house and garden as neat, comfort- 
 able and pretty as possible. They take pride and pleasure 
 in working tor the improvement of that which is their 
 own, and receive constant gratification from results 
 achieved by their own labor and thrift. They have provid- 
 ed for themselves a tangible object for honest ambition ; they 
 
I 12 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 have something to work for and be interested in, and have 
 thus secured a strong safeguard against the temptations to 
 idleness, unsteadiness and extravagance, which so constantly 
 beset humanity and are so frequent a cause of ruin. 
 
 Powerful as all these influences are upon parents, they 
 are, if possible, still more powerful in their effects upon chil- 
 dren, to whom the importance of a home, with all its strong 
 and sweet associations, its various and lasting ties, is incal- 
 culable. There is almost necessarily a certain training, a 
 certain formation of thought and habit received from living 
 in a permanent, orderly and peaceful home, which nothing 
 else supplies, and this in itself should be a sufficient reason 
 for parents to do their utmost to become possessors of that 
 which is the first essential of a home, namely, a comfortable, 
 suitable house. That this is the foundation of family life is 
 indisputable, and no one who looks at the matter fairly can 
 fail to be convinced that the wisest thing a working man 
 with a family can do, is to secure, as early in life as possible, 
 a house, which will not only be his home as long as he lives, 
 but will also form a provision for his wife and children in 
 case of his death. 
 
 The answer to the first question, ^‘As to how a working 
 man can best and most quickly become the owner of a house, 
 seems to be very simple, and if we can trust the experience 
 of others, is very satisfactory, i. e. if he has not accumulated 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. II3 
 
 sufficient money of his own for the purpose, he must buy and 
 build, either alone or in company with others, with money 
 borrowed at a fair rate of interest, giving as security a mort- 
 gage upon his house, and paying off such mortgage as ra[)idly 
 as possible. In no way can a man incur smaller risk, and 
 all that is required of him, as essential to success, is average 
 industry and econom}^, so that no able-bodied man who is 
 blessed with a helpful wife, need fear to undertake the pur- 
 chase, in this manner, of a liomestead, which, under ordinary 
 conditions, is certain to pay him heavy interest upon the 
 money invested. 
 
 When a man finds himself the possessor of a piece of 
 land, with money sufficient to put up a small house, i. e. 
 about four hundred dollars, our second question at once 
 presents itself: ^‘How can such a house be built to properly 
 accommodate a family of six or seven members?’’ Now, of 
 course, in answering this question there are many things to 
 be taken into consideration and more ways than one of 
 reaching the desired result. In the first place, climate must 
 be consulted, and as the majority of our readers live where 
 warm weather is to be provided for rather than cold, the 
 suggestions which we have to offer will be especially for their 
 benefit. Location, also, must affect the decision, as, of 
 course, houses in the country and in the city require in 
 many respects different arrangement ; while the size of the 
 
114 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 family, their prospects for the future, and last, but not least, 
 individual taste, must each and all have their weight in 
 influencing the plans of the architect. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. — House and Home— (Continued.) 
 
 BUILDING. 
 
 It will easily be understood that, where tlie conditions 
 are so various, it is impossible to lay down unvarying rules 
 for the building of a house, and I do not hesitate to confess 
 that the most I can do for my readers is to otier a tew gen- 
 eral principles, and some personal suggestions, assuring 
 them at the outset that it is upon their own intelligence 
 and experience that they must principally depend. There 
 are a few points, however, wliicli are unalterable, that is, 
 there are a few principles which apply to house-building all 
 the wmrld over, and it is of these that I would first speak, 
 and can confidently say that tlie}^ will fully repay the care- 
 ful consideration of any one of you who may be about to 
 build a house. To begin with, however small a house may 
 be, the work on it should he well and thoroughl}" done ; 
 you should select good, well-seasoned mateiial, get trust- 
 worthy wmrkmen, deprive yourself, if necessary, of all orna- 
 mentation, but permit no shams, no imitations, and be sure 
 that from top to bottom your house is honestly built. The 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. I 15 
 
 very greatest fault in the ordinary architecture of the day is 
 its flirnsiness and want of honesty, and for this no amount of 
 stucco, or cheap carving, or sham ornament of any kind, can 
 atone. If you are limited as to the amount of money which 
 you can put into the house, (which I am taking for granted 
 to be the case), then your first care must be to see that you 
 get something real, and permanently valuable, in return for 
 your money. Be sure that your tbundations are sound, 
 your walls substantial, your roof tight, your windows and 
 doors well-fitting, and that you begin with one thorough 
 coat of paint, outside and in ; after which, if you liave any 
 money left, you can afford to take a little time to consider 
 what is the best use for it. 
 
 The point to be next considered, as affecting both com- 
 fort and utility, is the internal division and arrangement of 
 the house, and this demands some thought, for the arrange- 
 ment of the rooms of a house affords a very delicate and 
 valuable test of the amount of civilization and refinement 
 possessed by its inhabitants. In the dwellings of the very 
 poor and ignorant we find human beings, of all ages and 
 both sexes, crowded together in one room, forming a hot-bed 
 from which springs a frightful crop of indecency, immor- 
 ality and vice, and to no lower depth than this can human 
 beings sink, for it pre-supposes the absence of even the 
 instincts of modesty and decency. Now the first step on 
 
Il6 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 the upward road is the separation of the sexes, then the pre- 
 vention of overcrowding, finally the separation of individ- 
 uals, and the setting apart of certain rooms for special pur- 
 poses, as kitchen, dining, sitting, sleeping rooms, etc. ; and 
 this is what we reach in the home, and it is the approxima- 
 tion to this which should be attempted even in the smallest 
 house which is inhabited by men and women claiming to 
 be civilized. “ Can this be done,” you ask, “ upon small 
 means, and in cases where the mistress has the work of the 
 family to do single handed ?” I believe it can, and further- 
 more, I believe that you will find the attempt to do it in 
 itself civilizing and enlightening. You may think it a 
 trivial matter, but I assure you that the mere fact that you 
 determine not to eat your meals in the kitchen where they 
 are cooked, but in another room which can easily be kept 
 free from the disorder, heat, and smell attendant upon 
 cookery, wherein you can sit down to a clean and properly 
 arranged table, will make better men and women of you, 
 will give you an impetus in the right direction, and assist 
 you materially in your efforts to rise to a higher plane of 
 thought and life. 
 
 Therefore, in building your house, it is well worth your 
 while to try for such an arrangement of it as shall give you 
 two or three separate rooms on each of the two floors. If 
 your means do not permit you to cover a space sufficiently 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. II7 
 
 large to be divided into three rooms, you must be content 
 with two rooms on each floor in the body of the house, and 
 a small out-building for a kitchen, which would give you a 
 dining and sitting room down-stairs and two bedrooms 
 above. For a six roomed house the best division is a 
 kitchen, dining and sitting room down-stairs and three 
 bedrooms above ; tor an eight-roomed house, kitchen, 
 dining, sitting room and parlor, or one bedroom down- 
 stairs and four bedrooms above, but this last is of sufficient 
 size to accommodate a more than visually large ffimily, and 
 is commonly beyond the means or the needs of a working- 
 man. In any of these houses a small entrance hall opening 
 from the front door is desirable, a back door is indispen- 
 sable, while a piazza, or porch, and garret, each adds greatly 
 to the general convenience and comfort. The minor details 
 must of course depend cliiefly upon the wants and taste of 
 the family: but the points which I insist upon as of unva- 
 rying importance, are, 1st, that the house should be 
 properly divided ; 2d, that the rooms should be set apart 
 for special uses ; 3d, that great efforts should be made to 
 prevent over-crowding, especially in the sleeping rooms. 
 This last is a matter of both delicacy and hygiene, and it 
 may be considered certain that a room of ordinary size 
 should never be inhabited by more than three people, while 
 in most cases it is desirable that the number should be 
 
ii8 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 limited to two, it being understood that ventilation should 
 always be most carefully attended to. I dwell strongly 
 upon the points just mentioned, because, as I have said 
 before, I believe that a properly arranged and well ordered 
 house is an important educational agent, that it has real 
 and great power to civilize and elevate, and that finally its 
 refining influences depend more than is commonly supposed 
 upon these particulars of internal arrangement. 
 
 In regard to externals, the first consideration should be 
 the drainage; nothing so nearly affects the health of the 
 inhabitants of a house as the local drainage and the quality 
 and quantity of the water supply. In city houses these 
 matters are usually under the control of the officials, the 
 individual having no direct power or responsibility, but in 
 most country neighborhoods each man has to attend per- 
 sonally to the details of drainage, etc., and consequently it 
 is every man’s duty to inform himself as to the best means 
 of obtaining eflieient l)Cal drainage and a pure water supply. 
 Where tliere is any general system of drainage for a town 
 or village, all that is necessary is to properly connect each 
 newly built house with the main drain, and this can be 
 done by means of a single small pit)e, into which the whole 
 house-drainage, from water-closets, sinks, etc., must paSvS, 
 and which must be fitted with traps and properly jointed. 
 The latest experiments prove that brick sewers are almost 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. I I9 
 
 always failures, both on account of the material and the 
 size; for a sewer should never be of more than sufficient 
 capacity, because, as we already know, a current of water 
 spread over a large surface flows with much less force than 
 when it is confined within a smaller space, and the effect of 
 this in a sewer, is to permit the deposit of all heavy 
 substances which may have entered the drain and which lie 
 there choking the passage, when in a sewer of smaller 
 capacity they would quickly be carried down by the force of 
 the flow. A smooth two~inch pipe of some hard, vitreous 
 material, which cannot absorb sewer filth, will carry oflt all 
 the drainage from an ordinary house, is the best possible 
 sewer, and is comparatively inexpensive. Where there is no 
 public system and the drainage is purely local, it is best to 
 raise the foundation of the hou=^e a little above the general 
 level of the ground, by filling in, so that there may be a 
 natural drainage of all moisture away from the house, while 
 all the house slops should be disposed of in ways to be 
 presently described. If pigs or cattle of any kind be kept, 
 their pens and yards should be as far as possible from the 
 house,. and should be kept clean by being frequently emptied 
 of the manure and filth, which should always be utilized at 
 once upon farm or garden. The water-closet should be, if 
 possible, an earth closet, as earth is the most effectual and 
 cheapest disinfectant and deodorizer at present known to 
 
1:20 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 science. A cheap and cleanly out-of-door earth closet can 
 he made by simply digging a vault in the ground and keep- 
 ing in the building above it (which is merely an ordinary 
 privy) a box of thoroughly dry earth and a scoop. Each 
 person after using the closet should be required to empty 
 into it a couple of scoopfuls of the diy earth, and as often as 
 once a month, the contents of the vault should be removed, 
 and used at once as manure, for they are almost completely 
 deodorized, and therefore inoffensive, which makes the 
 frequent cleaning a comparatively easy matter. Chamber 
 slops can of course be emptied into the same receptacle, but 
 it is much better to dispose of them in some other way, as 
 they largely neutralize the effect of the earth. They can be 
 emptied into pig-sty or cow-yard, wheie they do their part 
 in making fertilizing material (but this should never be 
 done except when the yard or sty is cleaned regularly and 
 frequently), or they can be thrown upon the ground at a safe 
 distance from the house (this, again, should never be done 
 wdien a house stands in close neighborhood to other houses), 
 or, and this, probably, is the best way, they can be emptied 
 into a hole dug in the ground as tar from the house as 
 possible, and boarded ovei’, the cover being lifted only wdien 
 the slops are emptied. By emptying occasionally a little 
 dry earth into the hole, and once or twice a year filling it 
 up entiiely and digging a fresli hole, the slops of a large 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 I2J 
 
 house may be disposed of with ease and safety. Kitchen 
 slops and swill should all be carefully kept for pig feed, for 
 if the family do not keep a pig, some neighbor can always 
 he found who will take away swill for the sake of having it^ 
 and to waste such material is one of the common forms of 
 extravagance which keeps poor people poor forever. 
 
 After the drainage of a house and the cleanliness of a 
 yard and outhouses have been carefullj^ firovided for, I 
 believe that next in order comes the question of the water 
 supply, and while a few of you, as residents of large cities, 
 are not obliged to think much about the matter, being sup- 
 plied by the city, or by companies, yet I suppose a majority 
 of my readers are dependent solely upon wells or springs, 
 and can therefore drink pure or impure waters according as 
 they themselves are intelligent and energetic or ignorant and 
 lazy. It is not, 1 confess, always easy for an uneducated 
 person to detect the impurity of water, because while pure 
 water is always clear and tasteless, water which is clear and 
 tasteless is not always pure ; but there are a few simple 
 rules which he who runs may read, and which will, in 
 most cases, afford effectual protection. For example, it is ev- 
 ident to any one that to use water from a river below a point 
 where the refuse of a factory or the drainage of a town 
 empities into it, must be harmful; that, again, it must be 
 equally so to use water from a stagnant pond, or from a 
 
12^2 
 
 (3N HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 brook which drains marshy land rich in decomposing 
 vegetation, and yet it is hut^too common to find whole 
 communities using such water and dying like sheep with 
 dysenteries and fevers, merely because they are too thought- 
 less or too lazy to make the effort to obtain a pure water 
 supply. 
 
 Water should never be taken from a river or brook 
 which is contaminated by filth of any kind, and this danger 
 can easily be avoided, for there are few localities in which it 
 is not possible to obtain a plentiful supply of wholesome 
 water from wells or springs. If there is a good, unfailing 
 spring wdthin convenient distance of a house, water should 
 be drawn from it in preference to any other source, and 
 sometimes by means of a few yards of pipe, spring water 
 can be brought to the very door of the house^ which, 
 although it costs something at the outset, is in the end a 
 real economy. But, as in a large majority of cases, wells 
 and wells only, form the source of water supply, it is to 
 them that your attention must chiefly be directed, and in 
 building a house I would advise you to make, if necessary, 
 many sacrifices, in order to secure a well of good water. In 
 the first place, a well should never be dug in a place where 
 there is any danger of its receiving the drainage from house, 
 water-closet, barn-yard, pig-sty, or any similar source of 
 contamination; it sliould not be in the near neighborhood 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 12J 
 
 of large trees whose roots are likely to grow into the water 
 and make it dirty and unwholesome; it should be so cov- 
 ered that uot even leaves can fall into it, and should occa- 
 sionally, in a dry season, he thoroughly cleaned. There is 
 really nothing so safe and certain as an artesian well, which 
 consists of an iron pipe sunk perpendicularly into the 
 ground until its lower end strikes a supply of pure, sweet 
 water; and these wells are coming gradually into use, their 
 advantage over the ordinary wells being that they can 
 be sunk to any distance necessary to obtain really pure 
 water, and that tliey are beyond the possibility of contami- 
 nation, either from drainage or any other source. But from 
 common wells, wliich are at present, as I have already said, 
 by far the most frequent source of supply, the precautions 
 already mentioned will u^uially secure water sufficiently 
 pure not to affect the health of those who drink it. 
 
 Even in these days of comparative enlightenment in 
 regard to the matter of drainage, water, etc., there are many 
 people who cling to the ignorance which for the moment is 
 so easy, regardless of the fact that in the end it costs them 
 the heavy price of health and life. They say that they are 
 willing to take their chances as their fathers did, and it 
 is difficult to prove to them that they are morally responsi- 
 ble for the results of their own wilful ignorance and care- 
 lessness. 
 
124 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 It is true that it is only by close and intelligent atten- 
 tion and constant labor that the immediate neighborhood of 
 the dwellings of human beings can be kept clean and whole- 
 some ; but it is also true, to quote the words of an eminent 
 authority, that all filth is absolute poison,” and undoubt- 
 edly the terrible punishment of uncleanliness is the weapon 
 used by the all-wise Creator to force his ignorant and wilful 
 creatures into the cleanliness which involves so much exer- 
 tion of mind and body. Surely I need not here reiterate 
 how fatal is the effect of all filth and especially of human 
 filth ; surely I need not tell you how fever, and cholera, and 
 dyse)itery, follow uncleanliness as certainly as night follows 
 day, and that therefore it lies with us to choose whether or 
 no we take the risk of diseases whose prevention lies com- 
 monly in our own hands. I could fill page upon page of 
 written warning in respect to defective drainage, impure 
 water, filthy water-closets and outhouses, but it would be 
 all useless unless your own intelligence and moral sense 
 came to the rescue, and induced you to act resolutely and as 
 rational human beings. 
 
 Therefore I can only beg those of you who are house- 
 holders or who are in any way responsible for the health of 
 others, to study well the facts in regard to this compre- 
 hensive subject of cleanliness in its relation to house build- 
 ing and keeping, and to judge ft)r yourselves w’hether it is 
 not well worth while to build and keep a cleanly house. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ^25 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. — House and Home— (Continued.) 
 woman’s work. 
 
 In most cases the buying and building of a house is 
 more especially a man’s work, and it is the husband and 
 father ot the family who is principally responsible for the 
 thought and labor which lay the foundation of the Home. 
 It is for him to earn the money, to choose a suitable site, to 
 see that the house is well and carefully built, properly 
 divided, ventilated, drained, etc. ; but from the moment that 
 the family enters the house as a home, the responsibility is 
 shifted, and it is the wife and mother who must bear the 
 chief burden of the housekeeping and become the ruling 
 spirit of the home. The man, as tlie bread-winner, 
 finds that his work keeps him during the greater part of 
 the day away from his home and family, and consequently, 
 the duty of regulating and controlling the household falls 
 mainly into the woman’s hands, and any conscientious 
 woman will gladly do all in her power to fit herself for the 
 due performance of the work which is so plainly set before 
 her. It seems as if it could hardly be necessary to press 
 upon women of any intelligence, the importance of their 
 position as wives and mothers, and yet the evidences of 
 carelessness and ignorance which constantly force themselves 
 into notice, show but too plainly how much the majority of 
 
126 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 
 women need assistance and instruction in respect to the 
 every day work of their lives^ that work which out of small 
 things rightly done, builds up so beautiful and grand a 
 whole. 
 
 In endeavoring to give in a brief sjiace and a familiar 
 way, advice which may practically help and teach the 
 women into whose hands these papers may fall, I find that 
 the subject of family life divides itself naturally into several 
 branches, and in writing of them I shall give precedence to 
 the one which is of invariable and permanent importance, 
 viz: the care of children. I put tins first, because the first 
 fifteen or sixteen years of the life of a man or woman deter- 
 mine largely what his or her character is to be, and it 
 over these first fifteen or sixteen years that parents, and 
 especially mothers, have almost unlimited control. 
 
 The physical care of the child during this period usu- 
 ally devolves entirely upon the mother, and it is to the 
 ignorance of motliers that a large proportion of the deaths 
 among children under five years old is due. Children who 
 are born healthy can easily be kept so by obedience to a fe^v 
 simple laws, and even delicate children will often become 
 healthy adults, if properly cared for during the first years of 
 life. A baby from the time of its birth until it is twelve 
 montlis old should always, if possible, be nursed by its 
 motlier, for in this way only can it obtain food which is 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 127 
 
 natural, and, therefore, entirely safe. In cases where this 
 is impossible, cow’s or goat’s milk diluted with lime water 
 is the best substitute ; and after a baby is seven or eight 
 months old, simple preparations of wheat flour, rice, crack- 
 ers, etc., may be used, but always in small quantities and 
 with great care. Indeed, until a baby has safely passed its 
 flrst year, all but the simplest food should be prohibited, 
 but after that age it is well, if the child is healthy, to begin 
 with a variety of light food, as potatoes, eggs, broal and 
 butter, meat broths, simple preparations of the various 
 grains, a little fruit, etc., gradually increasing the variety 
 and quantity of the food given, but being always exceed- 
 ingly careful to give nothing rich or indigestible, and to 
 closely watch the condition of the stomach and bowels. 
 During all the years cf growth a child’s ibod should be 
 nutritive and easily digested, and, even with very small 
 means, a careful and thoughtful mother can provide sucli 
 food for her family. Fish, meat, vegetables and fruit, 
 plainly cooked, that is, boiled, broiled or roasted, without 
 much grease or spice, cold, or better still, stale bread of 
 Graham flour, wheat flour or corn meal, eggs, milk, sugar 
 or molasses in small quantities, hominy, rice, etc., can each 
 and all be safely eaten by children over three years of age : 
 and from such food, given always at regular times and in 
 proper quantities, nature can be trusted to build up the 
 
128 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 healthy bodies which are so essential to the happiness of 
 human beings. That meals should be given at regular 
 intervals, and that nothing should be eaten between them, 
 is ot the utmost importance, for the habit of permitting 
 children to eat candy, nuts, fruit, etc., indiscriminately, is as 
 harmful as it unfortunately is common. Simplicity and 
 regularity are essential in feeding children, and the mother 
 who, through ignorance or carelessness, disregards these two 
 rules, may be sure that her innocent children will, sooner or 
 later, suSer for her sin. 
 
 Of scarcely less importance than food is cleanliness, and 
 no child can be considered really clean which is not thor- 
 oughly washed every day. This practice of daily bathing 
 should date from the child’s birth, lukewarm water being 
 used for babies, who should, as soon as they are a month or 
 so old, be put into a tub or large basin and carefully washed 
 from head to foot with a soft sponge, or cloth, and soap ; 
 the best time for the bath being in the morning, though if 
 more convenient to the mother, ii can be given at night. 
 Children who are properly washed in this way will be 
 directly benefited as to their general health, and are usually 
 almost entirely exempt from certain skin diseases which are 
 the result of uncleanliness. Care should always be taken to 
 thoroughly dry the skin on all parts of the body after 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 129 
 
 bathing: baths should never be given immediately after 
 eating, and for children, should always be of medium temp- 
 erature, neither hot nor cold. 
 
 In addition to the daily bath, the cleanliness of children 
 should be ensured by frequent changes of underclothing, and 
 this is not a difficult thing to do, because the under- 
 garments of little children are so easily washed and cheaply- 
 made. that almost any mother can provide and keep clean a 
 sufficient supply, if necessary. In clothing young children^ 
 even in warm climates, thin flannel shirts are almost indis- 
 pensable, for they protect the chest, stomach and bowels, 
 and prevent much of the danger arising from sudden 
 changes of temperature. Beyond this, there is little to be 
 said in respect to clothing, except that the garments should 
 all be loose and comfortable, and, so far as possible, adapted 
 to the changing seasons ; for a little care in putting on and 
 taking ofl extra clothing will save children from many of 
 the colds, and ailments resulting from colds, from which 
 they sufier. The substance of all teaching in regard to the 
 physical care of children is simply that if parents can ensure 
 to their children wholesome food, comfortable clothing, and 
 cleanliness, they need have little fear about their physical 
 condition ; for though the food may be very plain, their 
 clothing coarse, and the cleanliness not always apparent to 
 the eye, yet such is the power of the natural laws that 
 
130 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 obedience to tliein in the above particulars is sure to 
 develop children, born without inherited weakness, into 
 strong men and women. Of the other essentials to the 
 physical health of children, viz., plenty of fresh air and out- 
 of-door exercise, I need hardly speak, for, as a general thing, 
 the children in whose interest I am now writing, enjoy to 
 the full these two privileges, and are therein greatly, though 
 perhaps unconsciously, blessed. 
 
 If the physical development of children is largely 
 dependent upon parents, the same is true of their intel- 
 lectual and moral growth.; for the first of these, parents 
 being indirectly, and for the second directly, responsible. 
 The duty of parents in regard to what is commonly called 
 the education of their children is usually plain enough, for 
 though they are frequently unable to give instruction them- 
 selves, they can almost always succeed in securing the 
 regular attendance of their children at good schools, and in 
 providing for them certain advantages at home. While a 
 mother is often too busy to teach her children even so much 
 as the alphabet, she can always see that they are properly 
 prepared for school, that they are punctual in attendance, 
 suitably clad, that their books are kept in order and their 
 lessons learned, in short, can make their road to learning an 
 open way, and greatly simplify the work of those who 
 actually teach them. In the home life, too, the father and 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS I31 
 
 mother can provide many advantages for children, at com- 
 paratively small expense, and it is the presence or absence of 
 these which make the atmosphere of home healthful and 
 elevating, or the reverse. To have a few pictures, prints or 
 chromos, well chosen and neatly framed, to take a good 
 paper or magazine, to buy a few good books, to take 
 children now and then to hear a lecture or to some similar 
 entertainment, are all of direct assistance in the mental 
 education of the young, and are no great tax upon the 
 means or energies of the parents. In most cases, the best 
 thing which you can do for your children is to give them 
 the opportunity and excite in them tjie desire to obtain a 
 thorough education, and thus to make up to them, so far as 
 possible, for the disadvantage which your own lack of educa- 
 tion must be to them. 
 
 As you probably know only too well, the time for 
 receiving the education which books give is in most cases 
 past for yourselves, and feeling, as you must, what the lack 
 of it is constantly costing you, you should be all the more 
 willing to make every effort to secure it for your children. 
 Your duty is plain enough, so plain, indeed, that but the 
 briefest statement of it should be necessary : Send your 
 children to the best school within your reach, and send 
 them properly prepared; provide for them at home, so far 
 as your means will allow, everything which will teach 
 
132 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 them or help them to learn, and by your own conversation 
 and behavior show them how important you consider the 
 work of education, remembering that the responsibility of 
 your children’s ignorance is rather yours than theirs. 
 
 Inseparable from this intellectual training of your 
 children is the development of their moral nature, and it is 
 in directing them in respect to the great choice between 
 good and evil, that your chief work, as Christians and as 
 parents, most certainly lies. It may not always be possible 
 for you to give them all that their physical welfare de- 
 mands, your own ignorance may not improbably stand in 
 the way of their ^obtaining the intellectual advantages 
 which their growing minds require; but it is only your 
 own sin and folly that need prevent you from bringing up 
 your children to be virtuous men and women. It is from 
 you that they must learn the beauty of goodness and the 
 hatefulness of sin, and it is your teaching during the years 
 when your influence is superior to every other, that will 
 influence them all their lives through. It is no light thing 
 to teach a child to be honest, truthful, pure, patient, indus- 
 trious, careful ; but perhaps the most difficult part of the 
 work lies in the preparation for it ; that is, in making 
 yourselves what you wish your children to be. As you 
 cannot teach children that which you do not yourselves 
 know, so, al80,*you will find it impossible to make them 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 133 
 
 that which you, yourselves, are not, and the virtues which you 
 desire for your children you must first practice, or all your 
 endeavors will go for nothing. I shall reserve for another 
 chapter that which I want to^say to you in [regard to the 
 moral training of your children, asking you, however, to 
 think a little in the meantime for yourselves about this 
 important subject. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX* 
 
 MORAL TRAINING- OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The moral training of children ought, and if it is to be 
 successful, must, begin with the earliest development of 
 their intellectual faculties. As soon as they are conscious 
 of their own will, they should also become conscious of the 
 existence of other and stronger wills ; and the parents 
 should endeavor so to regulate their conduct toward their 
 children, as to make them, as early in life as possible, recog- 
 nize the fact that the wills, which of necessity are so 
 frequently opposed to theirs, are not only strong but wise. 
 That is, you should be so careful, so judicious and so unself- 
 ish, in governing your children that they may quickly learn 
 to trust you, and to feel, even in moments of anger and 
 impatience, that you are their best friend. Most of you, I 
 think, must have formed in your own minds some idea of 
 
^34 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 what you would like your children to be, and it is a good 
 thing to keep constantly before yourselves the standard 
 to which your children are to attain, either abstractly^ 
 or in the person of some individual whose character you 
 admire. If you love your children with the ordinary love 
 of humanity, one of your deepest, if not your deepest inter- 
 est in life, will lie in watching and guiding their develop- 
 ment, and in preparing them, as far as you can, for the 
 future; and I hope I am right in believing that among the 
 parents who read this, there is not one who is not honestly 
 desirous of seeing his children grow up to be good men and 
 women. Taking for granted, then, that you have a full 
 sense of your own responsibility, and are keenly alive to 
 the sacredness of the burden which the Almighty IB^ather 
 lays upon every parent, I shall try to condense for your use 
 some of the experience ot those who have made the educa- 
 tion of children, in the family and in the school, the study 
 of their lives. 
 
 I have already said that, in order to train children 
 properly, you must, first of all, have their confidence, and 
 you will naturally ask how the confidence of these little 
 thoughtless, unreasoning beings is to be won. In reply^ 
 I should say, in brief, by letting them see that what you 
 demand of them you yourselves fulfil; that is, when 
 you ask them to be trutliful, be sure that their quick ears 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 135 
 
 do not find you out in falsehood ; when you tell them of 
 the danger and sinfulness of anger, jealousy and hatred, do 
 not let them see in you daily proof of uncontrolled passions ; 
 when you command them to be honest, temperate and 
 industrious, do not let them find that in your own life you 
 cling to deceit, self-indulgence and laziness. Practice 
 what you preach,’’ is a homely text, which has served 
 for many a sermon, but can never be more forcibly applied 
 than in regard to the relations between parents and 
 children ; for in all tbe world you will not find more severe 
 or acute critics than those little ones, whose sharp eyes and 
 ears are constantly measuring your life by the rules which 
 you give to them. You must show your children by your 
 daily life that you have real anl practical faith in the 
 virtues of whose value and beauty you talk to them, and 
 although you may frequently fail to reach the standard 
 which you have set up, yet if you endeavor to be honest, 
 your children, aye, even your liiile children, will quickly 
 and surely receive impressions from your character which 
 will be deep and permanent for good. Take, as an example 
 of this, the exhibitions of fretfulness and ill-temper which 
 are unfortunately not uncommon in family life, and to 
 which children in their intercourse with each other are 
 especially liable. You want to teach your children to be 
 patient, gentle, kindly in deed and word, and these are 
 
136 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 things which you cannot enforce by mere authority ; you 
 must, in your own person, show them how much good temper 
 has to do with the happiness of life; you must be gentle 
 and kind to them, and then must demand /rom them gentle- 
 ness and kindness in return. Example, in short, is of the 
 first importance in the education of children, for they 
 instinctively admire and desire to imitate those older than 
 themselves with whom they associate, and are directly and 
 strongly influenced by what they see and hear in their every 
 day life. 
 
 But example, important as it is, will not alone do the 
 work ; love and authority must go hand in hand as its assist- 
 ants, and it is to combine these wisely that is the second 
 great difficulty in the path of parents. To love your children 
 warmly, and yet not to injure them by over-indulgence, to 
 ^xact obedience without undue severity, to be firm and 
 unyielding and yet not unkind, to be tender and forgiving 
 and yet not weak, is b}^ no means an easy task, and it is 
 just this that a conscientious parent must strive to be. If 
 you have won your children’s confidence by showing them 
 that you are what you desire them to be, that your practice 
 and your precept are the same, then the next great requisite 
 in your government of them is, probably, absolute truthful- 
 ness, for any attempt at deceit at once destroys their confi- 
 dence in you, and will, sooner or later, make your authority 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 137 
 
 null and void. By absolute truthfulness I mean that you 
 should never tell a child a falsehood even about trifles, that 
 you should never break a promise to a child if it is possible 
 to keep it, that you should do your best to let your children 
 find you neither changeable nor inconsistent. For example, 
 if you have to give medicine to a child, do not attempt to 
 gain your point by saying that the medicine is ^^good,^’ 
 when it is really disagreeable, for you will rarely be able to 
 deceive a child in that way more than once, and the result 
 will be that you will be distrusted and disbelieved. Tell 
 the child plainly that the medicine is not pleasant to take, 
 but must be taken, and obtain obedience by gentle reason- 
 ing, or, if necessary, by absolute authority. The same course 
 should be pursued in all similar cases, that ms, when you de- 
 sire them to do anything which is disagreeable do not rely up- 
 on deceit, for you will find it a broken reed; but tell the exact 
 truth, and with all possible kindness insist upon obedience. 
 You will find that after rwo or three experiences of this 
 kind the child’s confidence in you will be implicit, aud that, 
 furthermore, he will have learned that when you seriously 
 demand his obedience, his easiest course is to give it as 
 quickly and as willingly as possible. And this brings up 
 another point, viz : the folly of entering into unnecessary 
 conflicts with your children, of fretting them needlessly, 
 and irritating them about things which are not essential. 
 
138 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 There are numberless small difficulties into which children 
 are constantly falling which are really of very little im- 
 portance, that is, are not matters of right and wrong, and 
 do not in any way affect a child’s moral nature, and of these 
 it is far better for parents to take no notice. Do not tease 
 your children about little things, for this tends to make 
 them fretful and unhappy ; but, on the contrary, give them 
 all the liberty possible, guarding yourself against using your 
 authority so frequently as to make it dreaded or despised. 
 When, however, you do give an order or demand obedience 
 in any form^ be sure that there is no evasion ; let your child- 
 ren understand that when you speak, your decision is final, 
 your authority supreme, and, above all, when any conflict 
 arises between yoh and your child, do not at any cost permit 
 the child’s will to conquer yours. Firmness is absolutely 
 essential in the moral government of children, and you can 
 make no greater mistake than to give way to a child when 
 once an issue has been raised between you. If you have 
 deliberately given a child an order of any kind, have required 
 any particular course of action, or ordained any punishment, 
 then no matter how much time, strength and patience it may 
 cost you, you must make good your words, and prove to the 
 child that your will and power are stronger than his. If 
 your child finds out that he can coax or weary or frighten 
 you into revoking an order, or remitting a punishment. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 139 
 
 your positions will be speedily changed, and bis, not yours^ 
 will be the ruling will. Therefore, do not give too many 
 orders, or inflict too many punishments ; but when you do 
 decide that either the one or the other is necessary, then let 
 nothing shake your determination or alter your action. 
 You will find that such a course will not only be better for 
 your children, but will also save you infinite trouble, for it 
 will put an end to that constant teazing and bickering be- 
 tween parents and children, which so often mar the happi- 
 ness of family life and induce on both sides irritability of 
 temper. Children soon find the difference between a person 
 who is constantly finding fault without reason, giving orders 
 which can be disobeyed with impunity, and ordaining pun- 
 ishments which are never inflicted, and a person who reproves 
 seldom but earnestly, whose orders are absolute, whose pun- 
 ishments are not frequent, but serious, and not to be escaped. 
 Under the first of these two systems, children will be care- 
 less, impertinent, and self-willed; under the second, almost 
 any child will become orderly and obedient, and it is for 
 parents to decide which shall reign within their own family 
 circle. 
 
 The question of rewards and punishments is one which, 
 as a matter of course, occupies much of the attention of every 
 one who is brought into close relations with children, and it 
 is certainly by no means a simple matter. To discourage 
 
140 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 children in wrong-doing, and to encourage them in doing 
 right, is practically the first object of moral education, and 
 some system of punishment and reward is undoubtedly in- 
 dispensable, especially with young children, who can under- 
 stand nothing which does not directly appeal to their senses. 
 As a general thing, however, rewards should not be offered 
 to a child as an inducement to right-doing, but should be 
 given after the act is performed, and then only when the 
 child is really deserving, for constant rewards are to the 
 moral nature what too much sugar is to the digestion, pro- 
 ducing in both cases unwholesome and morbid conditions. 
 You can teach children to feel that your approbation is their 
 best reward, and that their goodness is your and their hap- 
 piness, without creating in them a habit of expecting habit- 
 ually a recompense for good behavior, and in this way you 
 can gradually lead them to understand that it is their 
 motives which you value rather than their actions ; that you 
 look deeper than the external conduct ; into the spirit which 
 prompts it. 
 
 As to the punishment of children, the best authorities 
 upon the subject of education are, in the main, agreed ; but 
 even yet there is much left to the ingenuity and patience of 
 parents. Corporal punishment, either in schools or in the 
 family, has no part in the best modern systems of education > 
 and there are verj few teachers or parents who should permit 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. I41 
 
 themselves to use it. It is commonly a wrong to the child^ 
 and is almost always inflicted in a spirit of anger, which 
 alone would eflectually prevent it from having any good 
 efiect. In these days it is usually very ignorant, very care- 
 less, or very cruel people who depend upon corporal punish- 
 ment to assist them in governing their children, and any 
 thousfhtful and moderately patient person ought to be able 
 to find many expedients which are far more useful and 
 reasonable, and which will win from children obedience 
 through respect instead of through mere physical fear. If 
 children were simply and wholly animal in their nature, 
 then we might consider blows a suitable form of punishment, 
 (though even animals, as modern experience has proven, get 
 far too much of this crude and barbarous discipline), but as 
 they have another and a higher nature, it is only logical that 
 the highest and most successful system of education should 
 appeal to that rather than to the merely brutal instincts. I 
 dare say that most of you feel that you would be almost help- 
 less if the power of whipping your children were to be taken 
 away from you, and are quite sure in your own minds that 
 nothing can take the place with a child of what is popularly 
 called, ^^a good whipping’^; but in this, as in other things, 
 your safest course is to accept the facts established by those 
 who are wiser and more experienced than you are. If reason 
 and affection both fail, say the wisest modern teachers, there 
 
142 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 still remain a variety of punishments, which will affect child- 
 ren without injuring them or making them feel that they are 
 treated with injustice. You can deprive children of some 
 pleasure, take their lib rtj^ away from them for a shorter or 
 longer time, by shutting them up, or confining them within 
 certain limits ; you can in various ways treat them dififerently 
 from the other children of the family , you can take away 
 from them some article of food of which they are fond ; in 
 short, a little thought will show you that there are number- 
 less ways of inflicting real punishment upon children without 
 striking a blow. In selecting from these it is well, so far as 
 possible, to suit the punishment to the oflfence ; for example, 
 if a child does harm or mischief with its hands, as by striking 
 another child, wilfully breaking or tearing anything, punish 
 it by securely tying the offending members, or, again, if a 
 child errs by saying anything wronger untruthful, punish 
 it by keeping it alone, where no one can be hurt or annoyed 
 by what it may say. But, whatever your punishment may 
 be, never inflict it when you yourself are angry ; wait always 
 until your passion is cooled and you can use your sober judg- 
 ment, for this is the chief safeguard both for yourself and the 
 child, and one without which you will be almost certain to 
 do the child injustice. 
 
 Example, love, truthfulness, firmness, each and all are 
 necessary if you would rightly train your children ; and to 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 143 
 
 go back to the beginning, to take up once more our text, 
 your precept and your practice must be one and the same. 
 The Christian grace which you strive to nurture in the hearts 
 of your children, you must first firmly plant in your own 
 hearts, looking then in humble faith toward the Supreme 
 Source of all fruition, for ‘^Paiil planteth, Apollos watereth, 
 but God giveth the increase.’’ 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 HOUSEWORK. 
 
 Next in importance to the direct care of the children, 
 comes, for a woman who is at the head of a household, that 
 general personal supervision and labor which, when intel- 
 ligently done, result in cleanliness, order and comfort for 
 the whole family. Of course, it is much easier to write and 
 talk about this kind of work than it is to do it ; but, never- 
 the-less, it is a constant surprise to me to find how much can 
 be accomplished through determination and system, by 
 women who have much to do, and little to do with. These 
 two things, determination and system, which lie at the 
 foundation of all good housekeeping, mean simply that you 
 must always do your work at stated times and in certain 
 places. To take, for example, a very simple but constantly 
 recurring duty, L 6., dish washing; are there not two wide- 
 
144 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ] y different ways of doing it ? One woman will leave her 
 table standing for two or three hours, and then, throwing 
 her dishes all together, and unscraped, into a dirty pan, 
 will go for hot water, which, as she has forgotten to fill the 
 pot, is not to be had, and at the same time will find that 
 there is no soap in the house, that her dish-cloth is lost and 
 her towel wet. Another woman will clear her table as soon 
 as the meal is over, will put her dishes, carefully scraped 
 from all grease, broken bits, etc., into a pan, which is used 
 for nothing else, will wash first her silver and glass, tlien 
 her china, and last of all her cooking utensils, will have 
 plenty of boiling water and soap, a clean dishcloth and a 
 dry towel. And of these two women you may be sure that 
 the first will be always in confusion and disorder, while the 
 second, you may be equally sure, is the mistress of a neat 
 and well-ordered household. 
 
 This comparison may be carried through the whole 
 field of household work, and the advantage will always be 
 found on the side of the woman who systematizes her work ^ 
 who does it, that is, in a regular and orderly way, who has 
 a time and a place for everything. The details of the life of 
 an ordinary housekeeper, who does most of her work herself, 
 are far too numerous and varied to be set down upon paper ; 
 but the most important of them are usually much the same 
 from day to day and in all families, and I think that 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. I45 
 
 perhaps our best way to get a clear idea of what system and 
 industry can accomplish will be to follow, in imagination, a 
 goo l housekeeper through the work of one day, from the 
 rising to the setting of the sun. We will give her a house 
 of her own, with kitchen, eating-room and sitting-room 
 downstairs, and three bedrooms upstairs, her family shall 
 consist of a husband, who is a day laborer, and three 
 children, two of whom are old enough to go to school. 
 
 As soon as she herself is dressed in the morning, she 
 gives the children such help as they require in washing and 
 dressing, making sure that they begin the day with clean 
 skins, if nothing more, and then, after thoroughly shaking 
 up the beds and opening the windows, she goes d )wn stairs 
 to get breakfast, her husband having, in the meantime^ 
 made the fire. However simple the breakfast may be, if it 
 should consist only of coffee and cornbread, it should be 
 neatly served in the eating-room, on a clean tablecloth and 
 from clean dishes. To this meal, and all others, the family 
 should sit down promptly and together ; their food should 
 be eaten in a clean and orderly way, and, if possible, should 
 not be eaten in the same room in which the cooking, wash- 
 ing, etc., are going on. I have already drawn your 
 attention to the fact that a careless, disorderly habit in 
 respect to serving and eating food should be careful- 
 ly avoided, not only because it indicates ignorant and 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 146 
 
 coarse tastes, but also because it is injurious to health, and I 
 would once more lay down, as a cardinal principle of good 
 housekeeping, that the eating-room should not be used as a 
 cooking or sleeping-room, that the table should be neatly 
 set with a clean cloth, clean china, glass, etc., and that the 
 food should be served and eaten in a neat and orderly way. 
 You will find that there is no one thing which will more 
 afiect the comfort of your family than that the meals should 
 be prepared and eaten with regularity and order, and 
 though those of you who have never made the attempt may 
 feel that it is not worth the trouble you think it will cost 
 you, you will find, if y'ou will but make an honest trial, 
 that the trouble is nothing in comparison with the increase 
 of comfort and the satisfaction of feeling that you are edu- 
 cating your children in some very important particulars, 
 
 But to return to our diligent housekeeper ; by this time 
 she has, I think, finished her breakfast, cleared her table 
 and washed her dishes in the way I have already described. 
 This accomplished, she will put away the articles used, in 
 their proper places on the cupboard shelves, in drawers, etc., 
 will sweep and dust the room and then go upstairs to the 
 bedrooms, which she will proceed to put in order for the 
 day. And here I must say a word about the care of the 
 beds and bedsteads, a duty’ the neglect of which never fails 
 to produce most unpleasant results. If there is one thing in 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 147 
 
 your house about the cleanliness of which you should be abso- 
 lutely sure, it is the beds, and the only way to obtain such 
 certainty is by constant care. The beds should be thor- 
 oughly shaken up every morning as soon as the occupants 
 are out of them ; and by this I mean that you should not 
 only take off the coverlids, blankets, sheets, pillows, etc., 
 and spread them out upon chairs in such a way that the air 
 may have tree circulation about them, but that you should 
 also take off or throw back the bed or mattress itself, so 
 that the framework of the bedstead will be exposed to the 
 air and light. You should let the beds and bedclothes lie in 
 this way for at least an hour every morning, and in addition 
 to this, you should, as often as once a month, remove every- 
 thing from the bedstead and wipe it oft' carefully with hot 
 soapsuds, and then turpentine, going thoroughly into all the 
 cracks where insects are likely to secrete themselves. If 
 you follow this course habitually, you will have little to fear 
 from the bugs, whose presence is a disgrace to any house- 
 keeper, and your beds will be always sweet and fresh, a rest 
 
 and comfort to those who lie down upon them. 
 
 Having thus shaken up her beds before breakfast (and 
 before I leave the subject, I want to recommend you to use 
 hard beds rather than soft, mattresses in preference to 
 feather beds), our housekeeper finds them well aired on her 
 return, and proceeds at once to make them up, spreading 
 
148 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 the sheets, etc., so carefully that the bed when finished is 
 really an ornament to the room and a temptation to tired 
 limbs. Then she empties the slops, thoroughly washing 
 the basins, pitchers, etc., and refilling the pitchers with 
 fresh water, dusts and arranges the furniture and leaves the 
 room in such order that she need have no fear of the most 
 critical eye. The children must now be got ready for school, 
 and this takes a little time, for their faces and hands must 
 be w^ashed and clean aprons or jackets put on, in order that 
 neither they nor their teacher need have cause to be 
 ashamed of dirt and carelessness for which their mother is 
 responsible. 
 
 After they are gone, the special work of the day, what- 
 ever it may be, sewing, baking, cleaning or ironing, may 
 begin (except in the case of washing, which ought to be 
 begun as early in the morning as possible), and this will go 
 on, unless some accidental interruption occurs, until it is 
 time to prepare for the mid-day meal, which will be dinner 
 or luncheon, according as the father or children do or do not 
 return at that hour. In either case, when the meal and its 
 attendant work are done, the mother will again have two 
 or three hours for work in the house or garden before it is 
 time to cook the evening meal, after which there is again an 
 hour or two after the children are put to bed (and this 
 should be at a regular hour), for rest, amusement, visiting, 
 
etc. With a day systematized in this way, it is possible for 
 a woman to do all the work of a small family, and to take 
 in work in addition, though it is no doubt more desirable 
 that she should be able to give all her time and energy 
 directly to the care other own family. 
 
 As I have said before, there are innumerable details in 
 housekeeping in regard to which actual instruction from a 
 good housekeeper is almost a necessity; but I am sure that 
 most of you have constant opportunities to see for your- 
 selves how to do your work properly, if you will only take 
 advantage of them. In the matter of cleanliness, for exam- 
 ple, you must surely have seen enough for yourselves to 
 know that to sweep dirt into holes and corners where for 
 the moment it is out of sight, or to throw rubbish into a 
 pantry and shut the door, is, in no sense, cleanliness. If you 
 are going to be clean, you must not keep your cellar 
 noisome with decaying vegetables, or refuse of any kind ; 
 you must not let your garret be a recej)tacle for the dusty, 
 mouldy rubbish of years ; you must not let your back door 
 be surrounded by the quickly accumulating and foul smell- 
 ing dirt of the kitchen ; but you must see to it yourself that 
 nowhere within the limits of your responsibility is there 
 anything unclean which your hands can remove. I know 
 that this is no easy task ; but at any rate you can do your 
 best, and the advice which I would give to any woman 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 150 
 
 who is too poor or too overworked to do all that more fortu- 
 nate women are able to do, is : ‘‘Rid yourself first of the 
 dirt, which is likely to be directly injurious to health ; that 
 is, keep your cellar clean, even if your windows go 
 unwashed; wash your cooking utensils and keep your beds^ 
 fresh at the expense of something of less importance; keep 
 your skin clean, even if your dress has to go dirty.’’ 
 
 But, in truth, a person who really loves cleanliness will 
 be clean everywhere and at all times, and the first step in 
 advance is taken when you begin to leel that din in any 
 form is really unpleasant to you, and that to sit down in a 
 dirty room at a dirty table, to eat dirty food from dirty 
 dishes (which you know to be only too common a habit) isr 
 to you, actual misery. When you have learned to hate 
 uncleanliness, you will surely learn in one way or another 
 to be clean, and you will never be a good housekeeper until 
 you do hate uncleanliness in every shape and with all your 
 heart. The more closely you examine the work of any 
 woman who is a successful housekeeper, the more evident it 
 will become to you that, like the woman whom we have 
 been following through the duties of the day, she is orderly, 
 systematic and thorough in all her habits. The cleanliness, 
 as we have seen, is not superficial, but includes everything 
 that comes within her province; the work of each day is 
 arranged so that nothing is left to chance; her cooking is 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 151 
 
 done by rule and not by guess;’’ she studies to avoid 
 waste, and to make the most of her materials ; she knows 
 that the comfort of her household depends mainly upon her 
 thrift and industry, and she takes every means in her power 
 to find out and adopt the best way of doing all that she has 
 to do. And certainly there is no more honorable ambition 
 for most women than the ambition to be a good house- 
 keeper, taking that word always in its broadest and most 
 beautiful sense, the Bible sense, whose interpretation we find 
 in that wonderful description in the last chapter of Proverbs, 
 a description which should cheer and refresh the heart of 
 every woman who is trying to work well and earnestly: 
 
 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. 
 
 . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of 
 
 her life. She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly 
 Avith her hands Strength and honor are her clothing, and 
 she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth 
 with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 
 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth 
 not the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her 
 blessed ; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 
 
 A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 152 
 
 CHAPTER XXL 
 
 CARE OF THE SICK. 
 
 To all families, but especially to those where there are 
 little children, sickness is sure to come in one form or 
 another, and no wife and mother should feel that she has 
 done her duty until she has trained herself to be a gentle 
 and careful nurse. Furthermore, it is undoubtedly true, 
 that a large proportion of the illness which we so much 
 dread may be averted or greatly modified by intelligent and 
 watchful care, and as prevention is better than cure,” the 
 first thing which we need to learn, is, how to prevent. On 
 that point, I have already said much to j^ou, but shall once 
 more repeat briefiy some of the more important rules wdiich 
 have been found to be essential to the prevention of disease 
 In the first place, then, you must be chan^ in your house, in 
 your clothing, in your body and in your soul. Your house, 
 its cellar, outbuildings, drainage, etc., must be clean, or else 
 the poisonous gases, which emanate from decay of any and 
 all kinds, will produce fevers and choleraic diseases. Your 
 clothing and your body must be clean, or you will be preyed 
 upon by skin diseases, and all the ailments which arise from 
 a stoppage of the pores of the skin; and, last of all, your 
 soul must be clean, because there is no more frequent or 
 prolific cause of disease and physical degradation than vice 
 or immorality. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 153 
 
 Secondly, you must have good and well-cooked food, 
 which you must eat regularly and in reasonable quantities, 
 as excesses in eating; and drinking sow the seed for the har- 
 vest of aches and pains, and you must be careful that the 
 water which you drink and use in other ways, is pure ; that 
 is, free from filth of alt kinds; from organic matter or min- 
 eral salts. Thirdly, you must be clothed with due regard to 
 the changing seasons, must have plenty of fresh air to 
 breathe, both by day and night ; and, finally, must keep 
 both mind and body in a state of wholesome activity ; for 
 work, wholesome, well-regulated work, is a most valuable 
 safeguard against many kinds of illness. 
 
 A due attention to these rules will undoubtedly enable 
 both individuals and communities to avoid many of the dis- 
 eases (especially those that usually occur in epidemic forms) 
 which have hitherto been considered inevitable; but, even 
 then, there will remain ample need for good nursing, aril 
 any woman who really knows how to nurse will always find 
 plenty of work ready to her hand. 1 do not, of course, 
 mean to say that a woman who has the cares of a hoiiseliold 
 upon her, should be called upon to be, also, a trained nurse ; 
 but I do believe that almost any ordinarily intelligent 
 woman can, if she will rightly use her opportunities and 
 faculties, learn to understand so well the symptoms and 
 treatment of any common illness as to be able to prevent 
 
154 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 and alleviate much suffering and often to save from death. 
 Take, for example, what is called a “ common cold 
 (which, by-the-way, is one of tlie most fertile sources of 
 illness, especially in cold climates), and let us see what can 
 be done to prevent or cure it. Carefulness in regard to 
 clothing, avoidance of drafts and sudden chills, and a habit 
 of being much in the fresh air, will do a good deal in the 
 way of prevention, and when the cold is fairly caught a lit- 
 tle judicious care at the outset will often prevent the long 
 illnesses which so frequently follow neglected colds. The 
 requisites are warmth, an even temperatare, light food and 
 good air. It is well to give a hot bath, to put the feet in 
 hot mustard water, to give hot drinks; if the cold is on the 
 chest, to pat on a mustard plaster; if it is in the head, to 
 steam it with hot water, with a little camphor in it, taking 
 care, always, to prevent any chill from following the profuse 
 perspiration. The bowels should be kep't open, by a dose 
 of oil, of some mineral water, or by an eneema, the head 
 cool and the feet warm, and a day or two of this sort of 
 treatment will usually break up even a heavy cold. In the 
 case of fever, again, the stomach and bowels must be regu- 
 lated as quickly as possible; light, nourishing food, such as 
 beef-tea, chicken or mutton broth, rice, milk, etc., should be 
 given ; the patient must be kept quiet and in a darkened 
 room, with the head cool and feet warm, while ice or cold 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 155 
 
 water may be frequently given. Diarrhoeis or .dysentery 
 demand perfect quiet ; the best thing to be done, in many 
 cases, being simply to put the patient to bed and feed him, 
 or her, on arrowroot, rice and water, beef-tea, etc. ; giving 
 small quantities at a time. All derangements of the stom- 
 ach, inflammations, etc., require the same treatment ; the 
 principle being that rest and light food give Nature a 
 chance to effect her owm cure, and Nature is by far the best 
 physician we can employ. Medicines’ of any kind should 
 rarely be given without the advice of a physician and never 
 unless you are thoroughly familiar with their action. There 
 are times, of course, when quick action is necessary, as in 
 the case of croup, w^hen ipecac should at once be given in 
 sufficient quantities to produce vomiting ; or, in colic, when 
 a dose of castor-oil is always a safe remedy ; but usually it 
 is best to get the advice of a good doctor before giving any 
 medicine; for when you begin to administer drugs, about 
 which you know little or nothing, you are playing with 
 edged tools. 
 
 When you have a patient to take care of who is con- 
 fined to the bed, there are certain things to be done, no 
 matter what the illness may be, w^hich are the foundation of 
 good nursing You must keep the air fresh by opening a 
 window (not a door), and shielding the patient from the 
 draft. If the weather is cold, you can either leave the win- 
 
15^ ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 dow on a^crack for some time, or you can open it wide for a 
 few minutes, as seems best ; if the weather is mild, it is best 
 to keep one window constantly open. You must change the 
 bed-linen frequently, and this can be done, even with a very 
 sick patient, if you can get some one to help you by raising 
 the invalid for a moment while you pull out the soiled 
 sheet and put on a clean one, rolling it up and slipping it 
 quickly under the slightly-raised body of the patient, who 
 can lie upon one side of the bed, while you make the other. 
 No slops of any kind should be permitted to remain in the 
 room for a moment, and it is well to use some disinfectant? 
 such as carbolic acid and chloride of lime, remembering, 
 however, that cleanliness is the only really effectual disin- 
 fectant. The patient should be kept quiet, and in acute 
 cases should never be allowed to see strangers or to oecome 
 excited by talking, etc., while the nurse herself should wear 
 a dress of some soft material which will not rustle, and 
 should speak always in a low tone and gentle voice, humor- 
 ing, but at the same time controlling the patient. The 
 room should be darkened, or at least the i)atient’s eyes 
 should be shaded from the light, and neatness and order 
 should be the universal rule. Feather beds should never be 
 used in illness, mattresses being on all accounts better, and 
 the bed covering should be light, as a weight of clothing is 
 very oppressive to an invalid. Obedience to tlie doctor’s 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 1 57 
 
 orders and constant watchfulness of symptoms are essential, 
 and at all times it must be remembered that sick people are 
 like children, and require to be treated with great gentle- 
 ness, but also with firmness. 
 
 The work of a nurse is, for many reasons, very difficult 
 and trying ; but the reward is great, and any woman who 
 learns to be a good nurse will find infinite pleasure in the 
 consciousness of her ability to alleviate and prevent suffer- 
 ing, and her increased power to do good to others. 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 ACCIDENTS. 
 
 In any emergency whatever, in the nature of an acci 
 dent to yourself or otliers, or of a general and sudden alarm,, 
 you are useful, first, as you are able to control yourself; and 
 second, as you can do what is necessary until efficient help 
 can be obtained. You may, some of you, have heard the 
 joke, which though old is not worn out, to the effect that in 
 a railway accident, there is but one thing better than pies- 
 ence of mind,^’ and that is absence of body.’’ It, after all^ 
 only illustrates the fact that presence of mind, that is, self- 
 control, is an essential at all moments of danger to yourself 
 or others, and nothing will help you more in this than to 
 be sure that you know what ought to be done. The follow- 
 ing simple directions will, I trust, be of assistance to you,, 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 158 
 
 and if at any time you can obtain special instruction, it will 
 be well worth your while to do so, for the sake of those 
 among whom your future work may lie : 
 
 Wounds. — If an artery or large vein has been cut, and 
 you can always tell if this is the case, by the fact that the 
 blood will come in jets, as if it were pumped, you must stop 
 it by pressing your finger upon the artery above the wound, 
 if it is in the leg or arm, it being necessary, as perhaps you 
 understand, to stop the flow from the heart. Sometimes, a 
 compress made of cotton or a folded cloth bandaged tightly 
 on the artery, alwa3\s, of course, between the wound and the 
 heart, will effect the purpose, but where there are two per- 
 sons present who can rest each other, it is best to use the 
 finger. When the wound is superficial, and the blood simply 
 oozes from it, direct pressure with a soft cloth wet in hot 
 water, should be used. 
 
 Hemorrhage. — When it is from the lungs, the patient 
 should be made to lie down, with the head low, and keep 
 perfectly quiet, not even speaking or lifting the head. Very 
 cold applications may be made to the chest, that is, cloths 
 wrung out of cold water and frequently changed. When 
 the hemorrhage is from the lungs or other internal organ, 
 the same position must be maintained, with perfect quiet. 
 
 Burns and Scalds. — Dissolve a teaspoonful of soda in 
 half a pint of water, which will be almost a teacupful, wet a 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 f59 
 
 soft cloth in it and put it directly on the burn. Do not re- 
 move the cloth, hut when it is dry wet it by pouring a little 
 of the solution directly upon it. Or, take equal parts of 
 lime water and sweet oil, mix well, and apply to the burn 
 as directed for the soda ; or, if the burn is superficial, so 
 that the skin is not entirely taken ofi*, cover it at once with 
 a piece of isinglass plaster, which must be left until the place 
 is healed. 
 
 Convulsions in Children. — Put the child at once in a 
 hot bath for ten minutes or longer. When it is taken out, 
 wrap it in a warm blanket, keep the head cool and the feet 
 warm, and if it can swallow, give a dose of oil. To prevent 
 it from biting its tongue and lips, put a cork, or a folded 
 towel, between the teeth till the paroxysm is over, being 
 careful not to impede the breathing. 
 
 Fainting. — Keep the head low, loosen the clothing and 
 put camphor or ammonia to the nose, or a little pepper on 
 the tongue. 
 
 Croup. — Produce vomiting as soon as poossible, either 
 by ipecac, salt and water, or any mild emetic which you have 
 at hand. Apply cloths wrung out of very hot water to the 
 throat, being careful always to put dry cloths over the w^et 
 ones, and to change as soon as they get cool. 
 
 Broken Bones. — The only thing which can be done until 
 the doctor comes, is to keep the patient from moving, and 
 
i6o 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 to lay the limb or injured part in a position as nearl}^ natural 
 as possible. 
 
 Blows on the Head. — Use very cold applications to the 
 head, keep the feet warm, and on the soles put small mustard 
 plasters. Allow the patient to sleep, and permit no noise 
 or excitement in the room, which, in all these cases, should 
 he well ventilated and quiet. 
 
 Drowning. — Place the body face downward, raise the 
 chest by placing pillows under the body, folded garments, or 
 a block of wood, so that the head will be low enough to per- 
 mit the water which has been swallowed to flow out of the 
 mouth. Keep up the temperature by bottles of hot water 
 around the body, and if possible, attempt to start resriiration 
 by artificial means. This is done by lifting the arms above 
 the head gently, then bringing them down and pressing 
 them against the sides, at about the rate of ordinary breath- 
 ing ; but this process can hardly be understood or practiced 
 until you have seen it done by some one who has been trained 
 to it, and you will probably only attempt it as a last resort. 
 
 In giving these directions it must always be understood 
 that they are only for use until the doctor comes, or in cases 
 where no doctor is at hand, for it is only practical experience 
 which can fit you to take charge of a sick room. 
 
 In cases where the danger is general, as for example 
 when a building or a vessel is on fire, in the midst of an 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS l6l 
 
 epidemic, in a railway accident, etc., I can only say to yon 
 that, first of all, you must try to control your own fears ; if 
 you can do this, your chances to help others as well as your- 
 self are doubled, for you can think clearly, and your own 
 courage and coolness inspire others to do their best for their 
 common safety. Circumstances, in such cases, differ so 
 much that it is impossible to give special directions, and it 
 is a good plan to consider, when you are at peace and in 
 safety, what you would do in the face of such dangers as 
 these, in this way preparing yourself, by a habit of thought, 
 to act intelligently in time of need. 
 
 CHAPTER XXTIL 
 
 COOKERY. 
 
 When one has abundance of good material, and is 
 obliged to economize neither in time nor labor, it is not a 
 difficult matter to become a good cook ; but the real test of 
 a woman’s ability, in this department of household labor, 
 lies in the results she can obtain from a few inexpensive 
 materials with comparatively small outlay of either rime or 
 labor. The first step in the right direction is to thoroughly 
 understand the importance of *good cookery to the health 
 and comfort of [a family, and before we go into details, I 
 
i 62 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 should like to make clear to you the principles which under- 
 lie what is rightly called the art ” of cookery. 
 
 You are probably sufficiently familiar with the action 
 of your own stomachs to know that anything which irri- 
 tates them produces, in a greater or less degree, general 
 derangement and illness ; and the acute forms of such 
 derangement are, probably, pretty well known to you. But, 
 while you are aware that unwholesome or badly cooked 
 food is almost always the cause of these acute troubles, you 
 perhaps do not know that such food may, and frequently 
 does, produce a slow and subtle irritation, which affects the 
 whole constitution, mental and physical, and in time is 
 capable of causing the degeneration of a whole race. Dys- 
 pepsia ’’ is the name which covers the thousand and one 
 forms of this irritation, and dyspepsia means, simply, that 
 the stomach cannot digest the food that is put into it, and 
 this indigested food instead of supplying the nourishment 
 which is the result of complete digestion, disturbs the order 
 of the whole system and lays the foundation of numberless 
 diseases. Now, the common, one may almost say universal, 
 cause of dyspepsia, is that food, which is either unwhole- 
 some in itself, or made so by improper cookery, is p)ut into 
 stomachs to which Nature has given the ability to resent 
 the abuse. 
 
 This law of nature is so unyielding that if you at- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 163 
 
 tempt to make your stomach do work for which it was not 
 intended, your body will sooner or later suffer the conse- 
 quences, and nothing is more certain than that men and 
 women who desire to be healthy themselves, or to have heal- 
 thy children, must learn to make their food and its pre;)a- 
 ration^ a matter of reasonable consideration. It is possible 
 that this principle of the physiological necessity of good 
 cookery would be sufficient for my present purpose, but 
 there is still another fact which I want you to notice, and 
 that is, that the highest civilization always includes great 
 care in the Choice and preparation of food. Uncivilized 
 races live like animals, eating anything they can get, at any 
 time and in any way ; but the gradual ascent of humanity 
 in the scale of civilization is marked always by an increase 
 of care in respect to food, both as regards material and 
 cookery. So long as you eat like animals, that is, irregular- 
 ly, coarsely and carelessly, just so long you are, and will re- 
 main uncivilized, and therefore, if you mean to civilize 
 yourself thoroughly, it follows that you must become refined 
 and careful in regard to food and its preparation. You have 
 then, as you see, two good reasons for trying to educate 
 yourselves in respect to your habits of eating and drinking — 
 1st, that in order to be really and permanently healthy you 
 must have good and well cooked food ; 2d, that you can 
 
164 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 never be really civilized until you learn to be refined and 
 careful as regards your food. 
 
 NoWj practically, it is upon women rather than upon 
 men that the burden of this responsibility falls, and women, 
 in this country at least, have few more useful fields ot work 
 than the kitchen. For most of the women to whom I am 
 writing, economy of time, of money and of labor is a neces- 
 sity, and it is only, as I have said before, when you have 
 learned to appreciate the importance of your work to your- 
 selves, and to others, that you will do it well. I hope, 
 therefore, that you will believe me when I tell you, that 
 when you have learned from the materials at your command 
 to choose and prepare for your husband and children, good 
 and wholesome food, you have done a great thing ; you are 
 helping them and yourselves in ways of which you do not 
 dream. If you are in earnest in your desire to do thi:?, you 
 must begin with a few simple facts which can be easily 
 stated and remembered, and you must determine to work 
 intelligently and by rule, not blindly and by ‘‘ guess. 
 
 In the first place then, you need to learn how to choose 
 and cook, meat, fish, vegetables, and the different kinds of 
 grain, and a certain amount of real study is necessary to do 
 this. In regard to meats, for example, you should know 
 that beef, mutton and venison are more wholesome tlmn 
 veal or pork, that almost all kinds of poultry and game are 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 165 
 
 good and nourishing, and that in preparing any kind of meat 
 it is better to roast, broil or boil than to fry, as by the latter 
 process, the article cooked, whatever it might be, becomes 
 soaked with the melted grease, and is, in proportion, indiges- 
 tible. Tough pieces of all meats except pork, can be used 
 for soups, and bones and odds and ends of cold or uncooked 
 meat should be kept for the same purpiose. These soups, 
 which can be made with cheap vegetables, as cabbage, 
 onions, potatoes, etc., and with very little or no meat, are 
 wholesome, cheap, and afford an agi eeable variety. Fish, for 
 all who live on the sea coast, or in the neighborhood of 
 rivers and lakes, is also a cheap and wholesome food, and as 
 in the case of meat, it can be broiled, boiled, baked or 
 friend, while when salted or smoked, it provides material 
 for many different dishes. As to vegetables and fruits, the 
 variety both in kinds and ways of cooking, is almost endless. 
 Any man or woman in this country who has a garden, not 
 to say a farm, can provide a family with a constant succes- 
 sion of fresli vegetables at small expense, and people who 
 live without such supply have usually only their own ignor- 
 ance or want of energy to blame for it. These vegetables 
 and fruits are, with few exceptions, wholesome, and may be 
 eaten at all seasons in reasonable quantities, care being 
 taken to use none that are unripe, or at all decayed. They 
 can, of course, be cooked in a variety of ways, and an intelli- 
 
i66 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 gent woman will quickly learn how to choose the best ami 
 most economical. The different grains also furnish most 
 important articles of food and are almost, without exception, 
 wholesome, and in this country, cheap. They can be simply 
 boiled with water and eaten as porridge or mush, or can be 
 made with other ingredients into cakes, puddings and bread 
 of different kinds. As porridge, mush, etc, they are espe- 
 cially good for children, as they are easily digested and very 
 palatable. 
 
 The small collection of receipts which I have placed at 
 theend of this volume, will, I trust, be of some assistance to 
 you in preparing the rnaterial which you are able to obtain ; 
 but until you learn, as I have said before, to understand the 
 reasons for good cookery and regular habits in respect to 
 food., no receipts, however good in themselves, can be of 
 much use to you. I have therefore given, in connection 
 with the receipts, such suggestions as I think may help you 
 to bear in mind, or to search for the reasons for what 3^11 
 are doing, hoping that in this way you may gradually find 
 out for yourselves that I have not exaggerated the irnport- 
 'Bnce of your work. 
 
 When you have learned to cook well and intelligently, 
 you have made yourselves valuable members of any house- 
 hold, rich or poor, and this is surely no little thing to say, 
 and no mean ambition for any woman to set bef)re herself. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 167 
 
 and I would, therefore, urge every woman who reads this to 
 do her best to create healthy and civilized tastes in regard 
 to food, in all those who are within her reach. 
 
 SOUP. 
 
 Although soups are considered, and indeed can be made 
 a very expensive kind of food, it is quite possible to make 
 delicious soups at a small cost, but this requires some skill 
 and forethought, and is therefore not often done. In the 
 first place, all gravies, scraps and bones of meat, and many 
 kinds of cold vegetables can be used for that purpose, and 
 are indeed, with the addition of an occasional piece of fr es 
 meat and some fresh vegetables, all that is required to make 
 many kinds of soup. The bones, etc., which of course must 
 be perfectly sweet, should be simmered for four or five hours, 
 or longer, in sufficient water to cover them, then the broth 
 should be strained off and set away until the following day, 
 when it must be boiled again for a short time with what- 
 ever vegetables or seasoning you may prefer to use. To 
 ^‘stock/’as it is called, made in this way, you can add to- 
 matoes, rice, barley, cabbage, onion, etc. You can thicken it 
 with potatoes or milk ; you can season it and put in macca- 
 roni or vermicelli; in short, there are numerous different 
 ways of treating it, and a little experience will soon teach 
 you to make excellent soup from materials which must 
 otherwise be thrown away. Of course if you can afford 
 
i68 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 fresh meats, the soup will be richer and more nourishing, 
 and whenever you boil any kind of meat, (except pork) or 
 poultry, you should carefully save the water in which it is 
 boiled for the basis of a soup. There are some kinds of 
 soup which are in themselves a dinner, and I add a few re- 
 ceipts which you will find both good and cheap. 
 
 BEEF SOUP. 
 
 Take a hock of beef, or any such piece as would be used for corn- 
 ing, boil it three hours, add a dozen white potataoes, three carrots 
 cut fine, two onions, one turnip, and a little celery if you can get it, 
 .and boil another hour. Season to taste, and serve all together, taking 
 -•out the beef and putting it on the table in a separate dish. 
 
 VEAL SOUP. 
 
 Boil a knuckle of veal three hours, add a dozen potatoes, one 
 onion and a large handful of rice, and boil another hour. Take out 
 the veal and potatoes and season the soup to taste. Then cut up the 
 veal and potatoes in rather small pieces, and season with pepper, salt, 
 and a little vinegar. Take one pint of milk, or of milk and water, 
 thicken it with two tablespoonfuls of flour; when it boils add a small 
 piece of butter and pour it over the veal and potatoes. This, with 
 the soup, makes an excellent dinner. 
 
 VEGETABLE SOUP. 
 
 This can be made without any meat at all, and, if you raise your 
 own vegetables, is the cheapest of all soups. Take a dozen potatoes, 
 half a small head of cabbage, three onions, four carrots, two turnips, 
 if possible a little celery or three or four tomatoes, two handfuls of 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 I 69 
 
 barley or the same of rice. Cut the vegetables, except the potatoes, 
 quite fine and boil until thoroughly done, seasoning to taste. If 
 desired, a small piece of pork may be added. 
 
 SUCCOTASH. 
 
 Take two dozen ears of sweet corn, cut the corn from the cobs, 
 dividing the kernels as nearly in half as possible ; scrape the cobs and 
 throw them into a large pot full of water. Let them boil two hours, 
 then dip them out and scrape them thoroughly, putting all that you 
 ■scrape off directly into the pot, into which at the same time you put 
 rather less than a quart of Lima beans, and a piece of salt pork 
 weighing from one and a half to two pounds. Boil for three quarters 
 of an hour, then add the corn which j^ou cut from the cobs, half a 
 tablespoonful of sugar, and a very little salt. This is a most excellent 
 ^nd inexpensive dish, and is very good even when made of dried corn 
 and beans. 
 
 BEAN OR PEA SOUP. 
 
 One pint of beans or peas to two quarts of the “stock” already 
 described. Soak the beans or peas all night and boil them soft ; 
 season with pepper, silt, and a little onion. 
 
 calf’s head soup. 
 
 Boil until the meat clears from the bone, strain the broth and 
 add the meat to it, with three onions chopped fine. Boil the brains 
 in a cloth by themselves, mix them with a little flour and add to the 
 soup. Season with pepper, salt, thyme and a little mace. 
 
 OKRA SOUP. 
 
 Five quarts of water, and one and a half pounds beef, five dozen 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 I 70 
 
 okras cut in thin slices, one dozen tomatoes, one cup of rice. Season 
 with salt and cloves. The whole must be boiled four hours and 
 strained through a sieve. 
 
 OX-TAIL SOUP. 
 
 If you have a butcher in your neighborhood you can frequently 
 get the ox-tai'ls for a very small price, or indeed for nothing, and the 
 soup is of course cheap in proportion. Boil the tail until it is thor- 
 oughly done, take out the bones and add any vegetable you like, or 
 strain the soup or thicken with a little browned flour, seasoning to 
 taste. 
 
 TOMATO SOUP. 
 
 Take two quarts of stock, boil two dozen tomatoes until thor- 
 oughly done, rub them through a sieve and add to the stock. Thicken 
 with a little flour, season with onion, pepper and salt, then cut wheat 
 bread into small square pieces, fry in a little butter or lard, and drop 
 into the soup just before putting it on the table. 
 
 POTATO OR MILK SOUP. 
 
 Take two quarts of stock and thicken it either with a quart of 
 finely mashed potatoes, or a quart of milk into which you have rubbed 
 a pint of flour. In both cases season with onion, pepper and salt, 
 straining your stock perfectly clear before you add either the potato 
 or milk. 
 
 FISH. 
 
 For all who live on the sea-board, or in the near neighborhood 
 of lakes and rivers, fish is a cheap as well as a wholesome food, and 
 even those who live far inland, can, at a slightly increased cost, obtain 
 a good variety of canned or salted fish. Fresh fish may be cooked in 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. l/I 
 
 many different ways, but the simplest are usually the best, and for 
 these, only a few rules need be given. 
 
 BOILED FISH. 
 
 Glean yojar fish carefully and boil it whole, in very little water, 
 with or without salt, as you like. It should be eaten with some kind 
 of sauce or drawn butter, for otherwise it is very tasteless. A fish 
 weighing four or five pounds is the best to boil. 
 
 BROILED FISH. 
 
 split the fish exactly in half and broil it over live coals, taking 
 care that it does not get burned or smoked. When done, put it on 
 the dish and butter while hot. 
 
 FRIED FISH. 
 
 For this, small fish is necessary, and should be rolled whole in 
 bread or cracker crumbs, or Indian meal, and fried quickly in hot fat»“ 
 lard or butter. 
 
 BAKED FISH. 
 
 Take a fish as for boiling and fill it with the following stuffing, 
 sewing up the side where you put the stuffing in, and putting a few 
 small lumps of butter on top while baking. Bread crumbs in quantity 
 according to size of fish, mixed with a little butter, pepper, salt, and a 
 little thyme or sage, or instead of butter a little finely chopped pork. 
 
 SHELL FISH. 
 
 While the different kinds of shell fish make many delicious dishes,, 
 they are, for some people, very unwholesome, producing violent indi- 
 gestion with often a bright red eruption, and they should therefore be 
 aten with great care, especially in hot weather. 
 
172 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 OYSTERS AND CLAMS. 
 
 Stewed, Put the liquor on the fire by itself ; when it comes to a 
 boil, drop in the oysters or clams, and add at once, starring all the time» 
 milk (in proportion of one cup to a quart of oysters) in which you 
 have mixed smoothly two tablespoonfuls of wheat flour, and one 
 tablespoonful of butter. As soon as this thickens so that the broth 
 is creamy, take from the fire and serve hot. 
 
 Fried. Roll each oyster or clam in bread or cracker crumbs, or 
 Indian meal, and fry in butter or lard. 
 
 Scalloped. Small dishes should be used for this : scallop shells 
 themselves being excellent. Roll the oysters or clams in bread 
 crumbs with which you have mixed a little salt and pepper, put them 
 in the dishes or shells, with several small lumps of butter on top of 
 each, and bake in a quick oven. 
 
 LOBSTERS AND CRABS. 
 
 Boil till thoroughly done ; take the meat from the shells and eat 
 -cold, stewed, pickled or scalloped. 
 
 Stewed. Mix with butter, pepper, salt and a little hot water, and 
 boil for one minute. 
 
 Pickled. Put in a bowl, season highly with pepper, salt and mace, 
 and cover with vinegar. 
 
 Scalloped. The same as oysters and clams. 
 
 SALT FISH. 
 
 All the different kinds of salt fish may be either broiled or boiled 
 while some kinds, as codfish, haddock, etc., may be made into a 
 variety of palatable dishes. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 173 
 
 CODFISH. 
 
 I. Shred fine and stew in a little milk, butter and pepper. Jus 
 before putting on the table, add one or more hard-boiled eggs, cut 
 into small pieces. 
 
 2. Chop up very fine with an equal quantity of potato, add a little 
 milk, butter and pepper ; serve hot. 
 
 3. Roll the above, when cold, into small cakes, and fry in lard. 
 
 HADDOCK. 
 
 1. Stew with milk, etc., the same as codfish. 
 
 2. Boil a cupful of rice ; when thoroughly done, add twice the 
 quantity of finely-shredded haddock, and two hard-boiled eggs, 
 chopped very fine ; a little pepper. 
 
 MEATS. 
 
 Large pieces of beef, mutton, pork, veal, venison, etc.— poultry 
 and many kinds of game are best and most wholesome when roasted in 
 a slow oven, care being taken not to over do them. Beef, mutton, 
 and poultry may also be boiled, and in this case the water used 
 should always be saved for soup, while the meats may be often made 
 more palatable by boiling vegetables with them, as corned beef with 
 cabbage and turnips. Ham, bacon, and salt pork are usually boiled, 
 and to the last two, cabbage, beans, turnips or some kind of green, 
 are generally added. Smaller pieces of beef, mutton, venison (as 
 steaks and chops), spring-chickens and the smaller kinds of game are 
 best broiled, and for this the meat should be cut thick (at least two 
 inches) and broiled quickly over live coals, taking care not to smoke, 
 burn, or over do it. With the exception of ham and bacon, no meat 
 
174 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 should be fried, and even these two are less greasy and safer when 
 well broiled. There are few articles which a careful and intelligent 
 cook will fry, and, as a rule, almost any way of cooking food is to be 
 preferred to this. 
 
 Excellent hashes and stews can be made from cold meats or from 
 pieces of meat which cannot be used in any other way, and for these 
 I add a few well-tried receipts. 
 
 BEEF, MUTTON, CHICKEN, VEAL, OR TURKEY HASH. 
 
 'Remove all gristle, bones or fat, chop the remaining meat very 
 fine and put it in a pan with a little hot water, or better still a little 
 meat gravy. When thoroughly heated, put it on a flat dish, and sur- 
 round it with small triangular pieces of buttered toast. In making 
 this of poultry, add any cold dressing, liver or gizzard (chopping fine) 
 which you may have. 
 
 CORN-BEEF HASH. 
 
 Chop the beef fine, with an equal quantity of potato, add a very 
 little hot water, a small piece of butter, and a little pepper. Heat 
 thoroughly. 
 
 BEEF OR MUTTON HASH. 
 
 Cut the meat up (not very fine) and mix with an equal quantity 
 of potato cut in the same way. Add gravy, pepper, salt, and heat 
 thoroughly. 
 
 VEAL, MUTTON OR CHICKEN HASH. 
 
 Chop the meat very fine, season with salt, pepper and thyme or 
 sage. Line a bowl with hot boiled rice, and into the hollow left in 
 the centre put the chopped meat. When quite cold, the whole will 
 turn out in shape, and should then be put in the oven and allowed to 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 ^75 
 
 warm, without browning at all, Take it out and pour over it drawn 
 butter, made as described, for fish sauce. 
 
 STEWED MUTTON OR BEEF. 
 
 For this you can use either meat which has been once cooked, or 
 can take inferior pieces of fresh meat. Boil gently for one hour with 
 just sufficent water to prevent burning, then add potatoes, carrots and 
 onions and a little turnip, and boil three quarters of an hour longer. 
 Turn out on to a large flat dish, aud put boiled rice neatly round the 
 edge. 
 
 CHOPPED VEAL, MUTTON OR CHICKEN. 
 
 One and a half pounds of the meat ; quarter of a pound salt pork 
 chopped fine ; three Boston crackers, or an equal amount of butter 
 crackers ; two eggs ; salt, sage, pepper to taste. Pack in a pan and 
 cook until thoroughly done. Half a cup of cream will improve this 
 receipt. 
 
 SAUSAGES. 
 
 Three full tablespoonfuls of powdered sage ; one and a half full 
 tablespoonfuls salt ; one full tablespoonful pepper, to a pound of finely 
 chopped meat. 
 
 CHOWDER. 
 
 Three slices salt pork fried brown ; three onions fried in the fat . 
 one quart boiled potatoes, mashed ; two pilot biscuit broken fine ; 
 one tablespoonful thyme ; three tablespoonfuls pepper : half a tea- 
 spoonful qioves ; a little salt, six pounds fresh fish cut n slices ; water 
 enough to cover, boil slowly one hour. 
 
 STUFFING FOR POULTRY. 
 
 Soak a sufiicient quantity of bread crusts in water ; when soft, 
 
176 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 chop fine and add salt, pepper, sage and a little butter ; chop the 
 liver and gizzards of the fowls very fine and mix with the bread. 
 
 CHOPPED BEEF. 
 
 Take cold roast or boiled beef, chop it fine, and add half the 
 quantity of bread crumbs, salt, pepper and a little butter. Warm, 
 with a little water or gravy, or put it in a pan and bake. 
 
 PORK AND BEANS. 
 
 Soak the beans all night ; put them in a deep dish with a little 
 water, and in the centre of the dish put a thick piece of salt pork. 
 Bake three or four hours. 
 
 VEGETABLES. 
 
 Potatoes may be cooked in a great variety of ways, and are always 
 good and nourishing food. 
 
 Mashed — Rub well-boiled potatoes till there are no lumps, and 
 add salt, milk or cream, and a little butter. Leave them in this way,, 
 or put them in a deep dish and brown in the oven, or roll and cook as 
 
 croquettes. 
 
 Chopped — Chop cold boiled potatoes not very fine ; warm them 
 with milk, butter and salt. 
 
 Fried — Cut cold boiled potatoes in thick slices, and brown slightly 
 in butter or lard, or slice raw potatoes very thin and fry to a crisp in 
 lard deep enough to cover them, and at the boiling point. 
 
 TURNIPS. 
 
 Mash while hot and mix with butter, pepper and salt. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 177 
 
 CARROTS. 
 
 Cut in fine strips, boil soft, drain off the water, and thicken it 
 with a little flour and milk, add pepper and salt, and pour over the 
 carrots. Celery and salsify may be cooked in the same way. 
 
 TOMATOES. 
 
 Cut two cucumbers and one onion into very small pieces, boil 
 till quite soft, add six large tomatoes which have been peeled and cut 
 up, some pepper and salt, and boil till done. If any of this is left, 
 thicken it with bread crumbs, put in a deep dish, sprinkle bread 
 crumbs and a little butter on top, and bake. Canned tomatoes can 
 be cooked in the same way. 
 
 ONIONS. 
 
 Boil till soft, put in a deep dish and pour over them a sauce made 
 of milk thickened with flour, butter, pepper and salt. Scallop cold 
 boiled onions with bread crumbs in the same way as tomatoes 
 
 Cauliflower should be boiled with a little^ salt and served with 
 drawn butter. 
 
 Greens of any kind should be boiled very tender, rubbed through 
 a sieve and garnished with slices of boiled egg. 
 
 WHEAT BREAD. 
 
 Two quarts sifted flour, three pints water, one-fourth cake yeast, 
 one teaspoonful salt, one large spoonful butter, one teaspoonful 
 sugar. Mix well, let it stand until it has doubled in size, make it in 
 two loaves, knead it, put it in pans and let it rise a second time. 
 Bake in slow oven. Equal parts of milk and water can be used if 
 desired. 
 
178 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 BROWN BREAD. 
 
 One pint milk scalded and cooled, two tablespoonfuls of sugar, 
 one teaspoonful of salt, one-quarter yeast cake dissolved in one-half 
 cup cold water, two cups white flour, sifted ; three and one-half cups 
 Graham flour. Mix a little softer than white bread. Let it rise till 
 light ; stir it down and pour into well-greased pans. Let it rise 
 again, and bake a little longer, and in a slower oven, than white 
 bread. 
 
 ROLLS. 
 
 Pour one pint of scalded milk on one teaspoonful each of butter, 
 sugar and salt ; when lukewarm, add one-half cup of yeast. Stir in 
 three cups of flour, and beat well. Let it rise about three hours, 
 then add from two to three cups of flour, to make it just stiff enough 
 to knead, and knead for twenty minutes ; let it rise in the bowl^ 
 Shape it into rolls, and after putting it in the pans, let it rise again. 
 
 CORN MUFFINS. 
 
 One cup of flour, one cup of corn meal, one cup of milk, two 
 tablespoonfuls of sugar, one-half teaspoonful of soda, one teaspoonful 
 of cream of tartar, one-half teaspoonful of salt, one-half tablespoonful 
 melted butter; one egg. Mix the dry ingredients together and sift 
 them. Beat an egg light, add the milk and stir all together. Bake 
 twenty minutes. 
 
 GRAHAM MUFFINS. 
 
 One-quarter cup sugar, one-half cup butter, two eggs, one cup 
 sweet milk, two teaspoonfuls baking powder, Graham flour enough to 
 make a stiff batter. Bake half an hour. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 179 
 
 QUICK BISCUIT. 
 
 One quart flour, one teaspoonful salt, three teaspoonfuls’ baking 
 powder ; sift these together ; rub in, with tips of fingers, one large tea- 
 spoonful of lard ; add milk enough to^make a soft dough. 
 
 RICE BREAD, 
 
 One pint rice flour ; one pint milk ; one tablespoonful butter ; 
 one egg ; one level teaspoonful soda ; one of cream of tartar ; a little 
 salt. Scald the milk, and mix as for corn bread. 
 
 MUFFINS. 
 
 One quart warm milk ; three eggs ; one teaspoonful of salt ; four 
 tablespoonfuls of yeast ; flour, to make a stiff batter, a piece of but- 
 ter the size of an egg. Bake when risen. 
 
 FLANNEL CAKES. 
 
 One cup milk ; two-thirds of a cup of butter ; two tablespoonfuls 
 sugar ; whites of two eggs, well beaten ; half a cup yeast ; flour to 
 make a thick batter. Cook on griddle. 
 
 HOMINY WAFFLES. 
 
 To one pint cold boiled hominy add one quart sour milk, two 
 beaten eggs, two tablespoonfuls melted butter and one teaspoonful 
 soda, with flour sufficient for a thick batter. 
 
 Rice cakes can be made in the same way, and can be fried on a 
 griddle, or cooked as waffles. 
 
 Boiled rice, hominy, cornmeal, oatmeal and cracked wheat are 
 all excellent for breakfast and supper, as they are nourishing, satisfy- 
 ing and cheap. Hot breads of all kinds are, as a rule, unwholesome 
 and the same is true of fried cakes, which should seldom be eaten, 
 especially in warm climates. A breakfast or supper of any of the 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 i8o 
 
 grains, with milk, butter or molasses is, on all accounts, far more 
 wholesome than hot breads or cakes, fried pork, bacon, or indeed 
 than any of the food commonly eaten by the poorer classes in this 
 country, besides being cheaper and easier to prepare. Two meals out 
 of the daily three can be made upon these grains, with the addition, 
 for the sake of variety, of white and sweet potatoes, boiled or baked : 
 and such a diet is, as I have said, strongly to be recommended to all 
 who desire to live cheaply and well. 
 
 PUDDINGS AND CAKE. 
 
 TROY PUDDINGS. 
 
 One cup milk ; one cup molasses ; one cup suet, chopped fine, or 
 butter; tv/o cups raisins; flour enough to make a thick batter; one 
 teaspoonful saleratus. Boil four hours ; eat with sauce. 
 
 BERRY PUDDING. 
 
 Two cups molasses; one cup milk; three cups flour ; one-half 
 cup butter ; two cups berries ; two eggs; one teaspoonful saleratus. 
 Bake, 
 
 POP-OVERS. 
 
 Two teacups flour; two of milk; two eggs; salt ; a piece of but- 
 ter the size of a walnut (melted). Bake in cups in a quick oven, 
 
 RICE PUDDING. 
 
 Mix two cups cold boiled rice with a quart of milk, a little sugar 
 and salt, and the grated rind of one lemon. Bake in a slow oven. 
 
 TAPIOCA PUDDING. 
 
 Six tablespoonfuls tapioca, soaked all night in one pint cold 
 water. In the morning turn off the water; add a little salt, the yolk 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 i8i 
 
 of three eggs, one cup sugar, one quart milk ; boil like custard. Put 
 it in a dish, and, when cool, stir in lightly the beaten whites ; flavor 
 with vanilla and eat cold. 
 
 ANOTHER. 
 
 Put one quart tapioca in one quart cold water. Set it in a warm 
 place till it becomes clear. Pare and quarter apples ; put them in a 
 pudding dish, with a little sugar and nutmeg; add a little salt to the 
 tapioca ; pour it over the apples, and bake till they are tender. Serve 
 with sugar and cream, or milk. 
 
 APPLE PUDDING. 
 
 Pare and grate eight apples ; measure in a cup or bowl, and add 
 same quantity of bread crumbs, three eggs, one and a-half pints milk, 
 and a little sugar and cinnamon. Bake and eat with cream, or omit 
 the cream and eat with sweet sauce. 
 
 ANOTHER. 
 
 Pare the apples, and stew till tender; beat up light, with a little 
 sugar and cinnamon. Line a mold, or baking dish, with slices of 
 buttered bread. Bake and eat with sweet sauce. 
 
 BREAD PUDDING. 
 
 Cut the bread into small, square pieces ; make a custard of a 
 quart of milk, the yolks of two eggs, sugar and a little nutmeg; add 
 half a cup of seeded raisins. Mix all in a deep dish, and bake a very 
 light brown ; beat the whites of two eggs very light, with just enough 
 sugar to stiffen; and, when the pudding is cool, drop this in spoon- 
 fuls on the top. Put it back in the oven till the white of the eggs is 
 lightly browned. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 182 
 
 ANOTHER. 
 
 Two cups bread crumbs ; one quart milk ; three well-beaten 
 eggs ; a little salt ; one-fourth teaspoonful soda, dissolved in a little 
 warm water. Bake and eat with sweet sauce. 
 
 SPONGE PUDDING. 
 
 One-half cup butter ; two cups sugar ; three eggs ; three and 
 one-half cups flour; one cup milk; two teaspoonfuls baking powder. 
 Bake in cups, and eat with sweet sauce. 
 
 INDIAN PUDDING. 
 
 One quart milk ; one teacup molasses ; one cup suet ; one heap- 
 ing cup Indian meal ; one egg; a little ginger, cinnamon and salt. 
 Heat the milk, and stir into it the meal wet, with cold milk. Let it 
 boil for two minutes. When cold, add other ingredients, and bake. 
 
 HARD SAUCE. 
 
 Beat together one cup fine sugar and one-half cup butter- 
 Flavor with vanilla or nutmeg. 
 
 SOFT SAUCE. 
 
 One pint hot water ; one tablespoonful butter ; three full table- 
 spoonfuls sugar. While boiling, stir in one tablespoonful cornstarch » 
 dissolved in cold water. Flavor with vanilla, or lemon and nutmeg. 
 
 PASTRY. 
 
 Take equal parts of butter and lard, and chop them into the 
 flour ; add sufficient cold water to moisten, a little salt, and roll as 
 little as possible. For one pie the proportions are one cup flour, 
 butter and lard the size of a small egg. Pastry which is chopped in 
 this way is much lighter than if mixed with the hand ; but, however 
 made, it is an unwholesome and expensive food, and should be very 
 seldom eaten. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 183 
 
 CRULLERS, 
 
 One cup milk ; one cup sugar ; five eggs, whites and yolks beaten 
 separately ; two teaspoonfuls baking powder ; butter size of an egg ; 
 a little nutmeg; flour enough to make a thick paste. Cut into 
 shapes, and drop into boiling lard or beef fat. 
 
 DOUGHNUTS. 
 
 One pint milk ; three eggs ; two cups sugar ; one cup butter or 
 lard ; one gill fresh yeast ; grated orange peel and nutmeg ; flour 
 enough to make a stiff paste. Roll into balls, and cook like crullers. 
 
 SPONGE CAKE. 
 
 One-half pound sugar, one-fourth pound flour, juice and grated 
 rind of one lemon, five eggs ; beat whites and yolks separate, as light 
 as possible ; beat the sugar into the yolks ; then very lightly beat in 
 the flour. 
 
 BOSTON TEA-CAKE. 
 
 Two cups white sugar ; two cups milk ; two eggs ; one-half cup 
 butter ; two teaspoonfuls baking powder ; four cups flour ; spice. 
 
 GINGERBREAD. 
 
 Three cups flour ; one-half cup butter ; one cup molasses ; one- 
 half cup milk ; one egg ; tablespoonful ginger ; one teaspoonful soda ; 
 two of cream tartar. 
 
 GINGERSNAPS. 
 
 One large cup butter and lard ; one large cup sugar ; one large 
 cup molasses ; one-half large cup cold water; one teaspoonful soda 
 dissolved in a little warm water; flour enough to make a stiff dough. 
 Roll very thin, and bake quickly. 
 
184 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 SUGAR COOKIES. 
 
 Two cups sugar; one-half cup butter; one half cup lard ; one 
 cup milk ; one teaspoonful soda, dissolved in a little warm water ; 
 flour to make it just thick enough to roll out. Mold as little as 
 possible. 
 
 CUP CAKE. 
 
 One-half cup butter ; two cups sugar ; three eggs ; four cups 
 flour; one cup milk; two teaspoonfuls baking powder. Flavor with 
 vanilla or lemon. 
 
 FRUIT CAKE. 
 
 One cup butter ; four cups sugar ; two cups milk ; yolks of six 
 eggs, well beaten ; four teaspoonfuls baking powder ; eight cups 
 flour; one cup of citron and one cup of raisins, both chopped fine. 
 Spice with nutmeg and cinnamon. 
 
 BREAD CAKE. 
 
 Three cups light dough ; one cup butter and lard ; three eggs ; 
 two cups sugar ; one-half cup milk ; one-half teaspoonful soda ; 
 nutmeg and cinnamon ; one cup raisins and citron. If not stiff 
 enough, add a little flour. 
 
 ANOTHER. 
 
 Three lbs. flour; one and one-half lbs. sugar ; one-half lb. butter; 
 one-half lb. lard; three eggs; one pint milk; one-half pint yeast. 
 Spice with mace and nutmeg, and, if you like, add raisins and citron. 
 
 The afternoon before you want to bake, put half the shortening 
 and half the sugar into the milk and scald it ; when cool, add the 
 yeast and the flour. When it is raised, which will be sometime 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 185 
 
 during the evening, work in the rest of the sugar and shortening. In 
 the morning add the eggs, well beaten, the spice and fruit ; put in 
 the pans, and let it rise again before baking. 
 
 HARD GINGERBREAD. 
 
 One cup molasses; one-half cup butter; tablespoonful ginger, 
 one teaspoonful saleratus, dissolved in half a cup warm water ; flour 
 enough to roll. 
 
 HARRISON CAKE. 
 
 Two cups molasses, heated, with half a cup butter and lard and 
 one cup sugar ; one teaspoonful cloves ; two teaspoonfuls saleratus ; 
 one cup sour cream, if you have it, if not, one cup sour milk and a 
 little more butter ; flour to thicken, as gingerbread ; raisins. 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS. 
 
 BEEF TEA. 
 
 Cut the beef in small pieces ; put in a saucepan, with just enough 
 water to cover. Set it back on the stove, and let it steep, not boil, 
 for six or seven hours. Strain it, and flavor with a little celery, 
 onion or anything you like and the doctor approves. 
 
 INDIAN MEAL GRUEL. 
 
 Two quarts boiling water ; one cup Indian meal; a little salt. 
 Wet the meal to a smooth paste, and stir it into the water when 
 actually boiling, and boil slowly half an hour, stirring all the time. 
 Oatmeal gruel is made in the same way. 
 
t86 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 MILK AND RICE GRUEL. 
 
 Wet two heaping tablespoonfuls ground rice with cold milk and 
 stir into one quart boiling milk. Boil ten minutes, and add a little 
 salt. Sago and arrowroot are made in the same way. 
 
 APPLE WATER. 
 
 Take one large juicy apple, pare and quarter, but do not core it. 
 Add three cups cold water and boil (closely covered) until the apple 
 stews to pieces. Strain at once, squeezing the apple through the 
 cloth ; strain this again through a finer cloth ; sweeten and drink with 
 ice, and, if you like it, a little lemon juice. This is excellent in fevers 
 and colds, as are also drinks made from acid jellies dissolved in 
 water. 
 
 SOFT SOAP. 
 
 Two bars common yellow soap ; two lbs. washing soda; two oz. 
 borax. Dissolve in eight quarts warm water. The water must be 
 kept warm (without boiling) until the ingredients are thoroughly 
 dissolved. 
 
 POISONS.' 
 
 For any poison, drink, at once, a glass of cold water, in which 
 has been dissolved a teaspoonful of ground mustard, and one of com- 
 mon salt. This is an emetic, and should, after its action, be followed 
 by the white of two raw eggs. A physician should always be sent for 
 at once. 
 
 STAINS. 
 
 Iron rust can usually be taken out with fresh currant juice, but 
 is very troublesome. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. I'87 
 
 Mildew, by oxalic acid. 
 
 Ink, while wet, by milk : when dry (from anything white), by 
 oxalic acid. 
 
 Grease can be removed sometimes by French chalk ; sometimes 
 by borax, dissolved in warm water ; sometimes (as in the case of 
 candle grease) by laying thin paper on the spot, and pressing with a 
 hot iron ; sometimes by benzine, and sometimes not at all. 
 
 MEASURES. 
 
 One heaping quart, sifted flour, weighs one pound ; one quart 
 fine sugar and one quart softened butter, weighs one pound ; one 
 quart brown sugar, or one quart Indian meal, weighs one lb. two oz. 
 
 INSECTS. 
 
 Cockroaches and beetles may be got rid of by sprinkling 
 powdered borax on the shelves, sinks, etc., which they frequent. 
 Ants, by putting almond kernels on the shelves, etc. The ants will 
 leave anything else for these, and you can brush them off into 
 hot water, destroying hundreds at once. Bedbugs will yield to 
 nothing but perfect cleanliness. Moths will not eat anything in a 
 chest or trunk in which there is a strong odor of camphor. Brush all 
 woollens and furs carefully, and sprinkle with camphor gum. 
 
 SALT PORK. 
 
 Cover the bottom of the barrel with salt an inch deep. Put 
 down one layer of pork, and cover with one inch salt, continuing 
 thus till the barrel is full. Then pour in as much strong pickle 
 as the barrel will hold. Pack as tight as possible, and keep the 
 pork always under the brine. 
 
i88 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 HAMS. 
 
 For six hams make a brine strong enough to bear a potato ; add 
 one-fourth lb. saltpetre, dissolved in warm water, and sugar enough 
 to make the mixture slightly sweet. Soak the hams in this for ten or 
 twelve days ; take them out, and, when thoroughly dry, smoke until 
 they are of a deep brown. Then wrap in cotton cloth, or brown 
 paper, and pack in a box or barrel, with coarse salt enough to com- 
 pletely cover them. Hams cured in this way may be kept for two or 
 three years. 
 
 COFFEE. 
 
 The best coffee pot is one so arranged that the grounds do not 
 get into the coffee at all ; and this end is reached by means of a little 
 cylinder with a fine sieve at the bottom, which stands on top the 
 coffee-pot. The ground coffee is put in this cylinder, and the boiling 
 water being poured into it, drains int® the pot below. This insures 
 clear, strong coffee, without further trouble, and is the simplest pos- 
 sible method. 
 
 TEA. 
 
 Put the tea, in the proportion of one teaspoonful to each person, 
 into the pot (which should first have been heated), pour boiling 
 water on it, and set it for five minutes where it will keep hot without 
 boiling. 
 
lijsiTS ON Agriculture. 
 
 BY F. RICHARDSON. 
 
 Written for the Southern Workman. 
 
 More people make their living directly by agriculture 
 than by any other calling ; and famine would overtake all 
 civilized nations if one year’s crop should fail. Agriculture 
 is, therefore, called the ^‘King of Arts.”' So universal is its 
 bearinar upon the interests of all classes, that no man’s head 
 can be considered well furnished, till he knows the general 
 principles of farming. Professional men of nearly all kinds 
 are continually brought in contact with farmers. Especially 
 is this the case with teachers in the Southern States. And 
 the more exact and detailed a teacher's information is on 
 agricultural matters, the more he may enjoy the respect and 
 confidence of those practical men who are the leaders of pub- 
 lic opinion in rural communities. 
 
 To command the respect of practical men, however, the 
 student must know how narrow are the limits within which 
 book knowledge is worth anything. Books cannot convey 
 the skill of touch which enables its owner to select a valuable 
 
90 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 animal by the quality of its hair ; nor can they give the 
 practiced eye, which decides at a glance whether grass is at 
 the proper stage for cutting, or whether a clay field should 
 be plowed to-day or left till it is drier. Nor can books de- 
 termine whether this farm is worth ten dollars per acre more 
 than that, and whether cattle farming in any particular 
 locality is likely to pay better than raising grain. On all 
 such matters the mere book theorist in agriculture would be 
 as much at sea as the young physician who has his volumes 
 at his fingers’ ends, and can prescribe for any disease which 
 may be named to him, but cannot decide what is the matter, 
 in his first case. 
 
 On all such questions as the above, practical men, 
 though prompt to laugh at any dogmatic intrusion upon 
 their provinces, are especially eager to hear facts. They 
 value these if modestly ofi:ered, and under a sense that the 
 experience recorded in books and farm papers has been often 
 gained under totally different circumstances from the case in 
 hand. Books never do record all the circumstances. They 
 deal in relative terms, and in results, often leaving out such 
 vital points as temperature and amount of rain-fall, &c. 
 For example, a first-rate authority on market-gardening, 
 living in New York, gives as a fixed rule that it will not 
 pay to plant truck on land having a clay sub-soil. "While 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS- 
 
 19I 
 
 in the South, on the contrary, the rule is worthless, and a 
 clay sub-soil is often especially sought by truck growers. To 
 trust books too far is to become the laughing-stock of sensible 
 men. It is necessary to learn to read between the lines and 
 supply omitted circumstances. 
 
 The students of Hampton have not only the great privi- 
 lege of seeing a fine farm successfully managed under their 
 eyes and hands, but they are also thoroughly drilled in the 
 elements of agricultural science in their class-rooms. The 
 object of the present series of papers is to supplement the 
 knowledge thus attainable by suggesting a few of the prac- 
 tical ideas about farming, which are not commonly found in 
 text-books, but which the young farmer needs at the very 
 threshold of his experience, and for lack of which many 
 good men have thrown away the labor of years, or of a life- 
 time, In treating of agriculture from this point of view, it 
 is hoped that useful hints may be given to the teachers who 
 go out from Hampton into farming communities, and whose 
 pupils may apply to them for advice. The whole future of 
 those pupils may be determined by a word from an honored 
 teacher, and much depends upon 
 
 STARTING RIGHT. 
 
 I 
 
 It is best for the young farmer to begin at the bottom 
 of the ladder. He has a long course before him. In thirty 
 
192 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 years he may expect to reach a comfortable independence. 
 If not satisfied with this and he tries to go faster, he will 
 usually sink into some enticing pitfall of speculation. 
 
 In every country neighborhood are to be found a few 
 men who have made money by legitimate farming, and who 
 are not ashamed to use their own hands. After finding 
 some such man, the young farmer can make the best use of 
 two or three years, by working faithfully and diligently for 
 him, and learning what he knows. If a young farmer has 
 determined to be rich in thirty years, he can better afford to 
 labor at first for a successful man for board and clothing only, 
 than to receive high wages from a slip-shod fox hunter who 
 calls himself unlucky. 
 
 II 
 
 After having given satisfaction to a critical master for 
 two or three years, our beginner will find that though he 
 may have put no money in his purse, and is apparently at 
 the bottom of the ladder, he has really made the first great 
 step upward. He has gotten a character, A man whose 
 judgment is recognized in the place, has given him a 
 thorough trial, and pronounced him steady, reliable and 
 efficient. What is the result ? 
 
 The result is that, though without a penny or an en- 
 dorser, he will find two classes of persons who are looking 
 for just such men as he. The first class is of practical farm- 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 193 
 
 ers who need foremen. The second class is of non-residents 
 who must have hands who are trusty, and not eye servants. 
 
 The most successful farmer is to be preferred as an employer, 
 
 ♦ 
 
 first, because such a man is more likely to be able and willing 
 to pay all who work for him; second, because something is 
 to be learned from him. 
 
 in. 
 
 Oiir beginner, looking steadily toward the end of the 
 thirty years, will not be in too great a hurry to start for 
 himself. And in his early efforts to swim against tlie cur- 
 rent, he will wait till he finds some solid ground under his 
 feet, before he places the weight of another’s arms around 
 his neck. It is true that many young men save nothing 
 until they get married, but this is their own folly. Every 
 valuable farm hand, if single, ought to put by at least $7.00 
 to $10.00 per month. If he sticks to this till he has laid up 
 $500.00, he will have learned the value of little sums, — 
 which is one of the most important lessons in the art of get- 
 ting wealth. It is the testimony of every successful man, — 
 that it is more difficult to keep money than to make it. 
 
 IV. 
 
 While working out for an employer, our beginner is 
 gaining experience at the least risk, of any period of his life. 
 He has before his eyes the example of a practical man laying 
 out money. If losses occur, the employee gets a valuable 
 
194 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 warning ; if gains result, the employee can some day try the 
 same path. Moreover, while his own bank account is grow- 
 ing, he has many opportunities of seeing, in the experience 
 of other young men, the folly of trying to farm without 
 sufficient capital. 
 
 V. 
 
 By these gradual steps upward, we will suppose our 
 young farmer to have acquired a first-rate character for 
 steadiness, honesty, industry, and knowledge of his business. 
 These things are capital in themselves, and are within the 
 reach of any one, however poor. While acquiring them, he 
 has formed fixed habits, and conquered many of his own 
 weaknesses. He has now taken a Right Start on the road to 
 an honorable career of prosperity. With his five hundred 
 dollars, he is now, perhaps, a man of sufficient experience to 
 commence being his own employer. Only seven or eight 
 years of the thirty are gone, and he finds himself in advance 
 of fully three-fourths of the young men who began life when 
 he did. 
 
 VI. 
 
 At this stage of the life of our hero (for heroes are those 
 who conquer little temptations), a land agent lights down 
 upon hipa- The land agent has a nice little farm of fifty 
 acres, for sale at a bargain. He don’t want much down — 
 jsay $200. Seeing the purchaser is such a deserving young 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS 
 
 195 
 
 man^ the balance may remain on interest for four or five 
 years. As a friend, the land agent would advise him not to 
 let such a good chance slip. In the whole course of his ex- 
 perience in real estate^ he had never known a more favorable 
 opportunity to make a strike. The wood on the farm will 
 nearly pay for it, &c., &c. Only $1,000.00 for the place, and 
 all but |200 might remain on interest. ‘‘ Buy it ! young- 
 man ! Buy it ! ’’ 
 
 VII. 
 
 Our advice would be, do nothing of the kind. You will 
 find just as good bargains five years hence. ‘‘There are 
 always as fine fish in the sea as have been caught.” The 
 wood would be worth very little without capital to handle 
 and sell it to the best advantage. The farm itself will produce 
 nothing without tools, seed, team and labor. If it is the 
 labor of the owner, how is he to be fed ? The $300 still in 
 the bank would be soaked up directly as follows : 
 
 Cost of the cheapest horse worth owning, $80.00 
 
 Cart harness, plow harness and whiffietree, 20.00 
 
 Cart, plows, drag, cultivator, scythe, axe, spade, 
 hoe, forks, rake, shovel, curry-comb, brush, 
 grind-stone, wedges, chains, bags, baskets, 
 steel-yard, half-bushel, hatchet, wrench, &c., 110.00 
 
 ,Cow, pigs and poultry, 50.00 
 
 Seeds and plants, 30.00 
 
 Lastly, the wedding expenses, 10.00 
 
 $300.00 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 196 
 
 Even if the house were nicely furnished by a liberal 
 father-in-law, how can the young man live, and pay interest 
 on the remaining $800 due on the land ? 
 
 VIII. 
 
 All this fearful embarrassment and the consequent 
 working at a disadvantage, and compulsory borrowing, could 
 be avoided by not investing a penny in land so early in life. 
 
 Turning a deaf ear to the land agent, our hero sets 
 himself to find a good piece of land which has been a little 
 neglected, and whose owner has not much taste or skill, and 
 would be glad to put it out on shares. Such pieces are to 
 be found easily enough, and after refusing a number of such, 
 our prudent beginner, making haste slowly, will be likely 
 to have a favorable opportunity. Here his good character 
 will enable him to command good terms. And the more 
 he can induce the owner to furnish of stock and tools the 
 better. There will be plenty of room left to use the small 
 sum of $500 as working capital, to more advantage. 
 
 In making a bargain to farm on shares, the beginner 
 should be very careful to have the contract drawn up in 
 writing as definitely and clearly as possible. This is neces- 
 sary even with the land -owner who means to deal fairly, 
 because misunderstandings are constantly occurring when 
 there is only memory to refer to. So far from making agree- 
 ments with land-owners whose neighbors do not consider 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 197 
 
 them reliable and just men, it is much safer for beginners to 
 avoid such altogether. Even a victory in a lawsuit is often 
 ruinous to a poor man. 
 
 IX. 
 
 As a guide, we give the following form, which can easily 
 be varied ; but as written, it embraces the common features 
 of such agreements in Eastern Virginia: 
 
 Articles of agreement made this first day of 1888, 
 
 between John Doe, of the County of , in the State of 
 
 Virginia, of the first part, and Richard .Roe, of the said County and 
 State, of the other part, witnesseth : That the said John Doe doth 
 demise unto the said Richard Roe, his personal representatives and 
 assigns, all that certain farm situate in ihe County of 
 in the State of Virginia, bounded on the North by the main road 
 leading from to , on the East by the land of 
 
 Adam Smith, on the South by the River, and on the West 
 
 by land now occupied by Pier Plowman ; from the first day of Jan- 
 uary, 1888, for the term of three years thence ensuing, yielding there- 
 for to the said John Doe, during the said term, the rent of one-third 
 of the crops raised on said farm. 
 
 And it is agreed that said John Doe shall furnish three head of 
 yearling cattle and ten pigs over three months old, at the beginning 
 of each year of said term. And that all grain fed to said stock shall 
 be out of the share of said Richard Roe. And that said stock shall 
 be common property, share and share alike, and shall not be disposed 
 of before the end of the said term of three years, unless by consent 
 of both parties hereto. Working teams are to be fed from the un- 
 divided crops. 
 
 It is further agreed that said Richard Roe shall have the use of 
 half an acre of ground adjoining the dwelling, as a kitchen garden ; 
 and shall have the privilege of cutting as much timber as may be 
 necessary for fencing upon the farm, and wood for his family. 
 
 And said John Doe agrees to pay all the taxes upon said property 
 except the road tax, which is to be paid by said Richard Roe. And 
 the said John Doe covenants that the said lessee shall have quiet 
 enjoyment of bis term. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 I 98 
 
 The said Richard Roe covenants to deliver the said John Doe’s 
 third, at the South barn on said premises, without charge and in as 
 good order as that in which his own crops are housed. The said 
 Richard Roe further covenants that he will not assign without leave r 
 that he will keep the fences in repair and pay the road tax, and to 
 raise forty acres of corn each year. 
 
 Witness the following signatures and seals. 
 
 John Doe, [seal.] 
 Richard Roe, [seal.] 
 
 Witnesses at signing, 
 
 Solon Shingle, Joseph Jefferson. 
 
 Sometimes Richard Roe is not able to furnish team and 
 seed, and implements. John then furnishes half, and receives 
 half the crops. 
 
 XI. 
 
 The advantages of renting on shares over renting for 
 cash are principally to be seen in bad seasons. When from 
 drouth, or long rains, or insect enemies, the crops fail, the 
 owner gets very little ; while the tenant, having dwelling, 
 garden and fuel free, can raise his own meat and vegetables 
 and make his poultry and butter pay his grocery bills ; 
 leaving him but little worse off for the bad season, except 
 his loss of time and wear of tools. Sometimes, however, it 
 would be better to take the risk of renting for cash, as the 
 money rent is often considerably cheaper in good seasons. 
 The advantages of either method of renting over buying 
 are, that the farmer who rents has the most money left to 
 buy stock, seed, manure and labor with. And he can turn 
 a small capital over much more rapidly in these things than 
 in land. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 199 
 
 xir. 
 
 The farmer whose money is all wrapped up in land is 
 compelled to sell his grain for want of stock to eat it. Such 
 farmers are getting, this year, fifty cents per bushel for corn. 
 The same corn fed to hogs would be worth one dollar per 
 bushel, provided dressed pork brings six cents per pound. 
 The man who has ready money enough to buy hogs at the 
 right time can thus realize twice as much money for his 
 corn as his neighbor who owns land, but has not enough 
 working capital to stock it. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 It is a golden rule in farming never to plant a grain 
 crop on poor land. But if the farmer has no working cap- 
 ital to buy stock to make manure, he can’t help himself. 
 He is compelled to raise poor crops. 
 
 It costs about $5 per acre to draw out manure and 
 enrich a field so as to bring its crop of corn from five barrels 
 up to eight per acre. Thus the three barrels are the pro- 
 duct of only $5 of working capital. How many barrels 
 would the same five dollars have yielded, clear of expense, if 
 put into land ? Not more than one. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 The fact is, that many farmers are land poor,” because 
 they have not clearly understood that land alone is of no 
 
200 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 more use than gold to a starving sailor on a raft. The 
 money made by farmers is not in proportion to the size of 
 their farms, but in proportion as they have working capital, 
 and know how to use it. And if our beginner does not own 
 a foot of land for ten years after he has commenced to farm 
 for himself, he will be better ofi, provided he and his wdfe 
 know enough not to spend their working capital for things 
 which can he done without. 
 
 If, however, the young farmer finds that he is fond of 
 attending auctions, or discovers that either he or his wife 
 have a habit of buying things because they are ‘"'nice,'' or 
 because they are cheap,'’ or for any other reason than 
 absolute necessity, then his only chance to escape shipwreck 
 may be to run in debt for a farm. Debt is a hard master ; 
 but it will stop him, if anything will, from fooling aw^ay 
 his money. It is a sad fact that not one man in ten can 
 rely upon himself and his family to refuse always to buy 
 that which they could somehow manage to do without. 
 Therefore it is often safer to put money into land, lest it 
 take wings and escape. 
 
 In buying a farm, the next thing in importance after 
 healthful location, is the natural productiveness of the soil. 
 That this should be considered before price, is evident. 
 Land rich enough without manure to bring eight barrels 
 of corn, pays the farmer over two dollars per day for 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 20 1 
 
 his labor. While on land which brings only four barrels, 
 the farmer is paid scarcely one dollar per day. The rich 
 land is cheap at thirty dollars per acre, because each acre^ 
 after paying the cost of cultivation, yields more profit than 
 the interest on thirty dollars. ¥/hile the poor land pays 
 no interest, and would be dear as a gift, unless the 
 farmer has means to enrich it. 
 
 XV. 
 
 Rich land, in a productive state, is often too high- 
 priced for a poor man. But the richest lands are often 
 unproductive from want of drainage, simply, and can be 
 bought at a real bargain. The young farmer should be 
 awake to seize such chances of getting rich land cheap. 
 Some of the most successful farmers have found their for- 
 tunes in just that way. 
 
 A very simple levelling apparatus may be made as fol- 
 lows : Take a fence board eight inches wide and sixteen 
 feet long ; plane one edge, so as to be straight ; nail a leg 
 three feet long at each end of the board; set the board 
 on its legs, straight side up. A carpenter’s level on top of 
 the board will tell you how much the lowest leg needs to be 
 raised. Raise it till the straight edge is level, and measure 
 with a pocket rule the height of the leg from the ground. 
 This height is the difierence of level between the ends. 
 Make a note of it, and move the apparatus sixteen feet 
 
202 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 farther. Level and measure as before, and add or subtract, 
 as the case may require, from ^the previous note. Or, by 
 putting all the down-hill measures on one side of the page, 
 and the up-hill measures on the other, the difference of 
 their sums will give the difference of level of two places. 
 By this contrivance it is easy to ascertain, without employ- 
 ing an engineer, how much fall can be had, and whether it 
 is practicable to drain a piece of low land. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 In choosing a farm, next after healthfulness and fertil- 
 ity, comes the question of nearness to market. The import- 
 ance of this depends upon the particular branches which the 
 skill, means or inclination of the farmer leads him to follow. 
 There are advantages and disadvantages in being near 
 cities, and they are so nicely balanced that good managers 
 grow rich in each location. Everything depends upon the 
 man. A shrewd farmer of small means, by locating twenty 
 miles from town, gets good land cheap. In ten years the 
 value of his land is likely to double by the increase of popu- 
 lation around him, and by the growth of his orchards and 
 the improved productiveness of the soil. Meanwhile he can 
 reduce his expenses of transportation by converting his 
 grain and hay into cattle and colts, which will carry them- 
 selves to market. 
 
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 203. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Having formed a clear idea of what particular line of 
 farming is most in accordance with his tastes and his capital, 
 our young farmer considers every place offered him with 
 reference to these points specially. And, seeing the sad 
 results all around him of hasty and ill-considered purchas- 
 ing, he takes his time, and will not be hurried in choosing* 
 He will have nothing to do with poor land at any price, nor 
 will he be tempted by cheapness to live in an unhealthy 
 place, nor to run much in debt and use up all his working 
 capital in paying interest and other expenses. He had 
 rather buy only a very small farm. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 After finding a place as nearly as possible suited to his 
 case, it is well for the young farmer to remember that 
 everything he is doing now should be for the permanent 
 benefit of his land, and with a view of making his labors 
 easy as old age comes upon him, and his strength lessens. 
 He should, therefore, keep steadily in view the following 
 ideas, much as they difier from ordinary practice. 
 
 First. It is possible so to manage land that, while 
 yielding good crops, its fertility is constantly increasing. 
 
 Second. It is possible to give his live stock such care 
 
204 
 
 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 
 
 in breeding and management that they will command better 
 prices than those of his neighbors. 
 
 Third, By care in selecting seed, year after year, he 
 may make his grain crop salable for seed at an advance. 
 
 Fourth, By planting a tenth of his land in fruit trees 
 of the most showy and productive market kinds, and not 
 many varieties, he may realize a hundred per cent, on the 
 investment. 
 
 Fifth. By strict integrity in putting up his products, 
 he may make his stamp bring an extra price. 
 
 Sixth. By giving his sons or apprentices a little 
 ground to tend for themselves, or young stock to raise, he 
 will interest them in looking after his interests ’and remain- 
 ing with him on the farm. 
 
 Seventh. An agricultural paper is worth its cost for the 
 hints it will furnish if not blindly followed. 
 
 Eighth, It is much safer to raise a variety of crops than 
 to trust all to one crop. 
 
 Ninth. By honesty and industry and faithful perse- 
 verance and a constant study of how to make the best use of 
 every minute, he has more chances to become wealthy and 
 respected at farming than at any other profession for which 
 he is equally fitted. And civil rights and honors naturally 
 follow those who show that they can make and keep money 
 and deserve respect. 
 
•j' 
 
 
 I