Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2018 with funding from 
 
 University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Alternates 
 
 https://archive.org/details/telephonescreami00plem_0 
 
orders la altvays a feature of our t 
 oguea sent free Any Play, Dialo 
 er, fr\iide Book, Wigs and Beards- 
 
 AMES 5 PUB- CO.. Clyde, Oi 
 
 Ml 
 
 OF CHARACTERS, EKTRA^CEB AND 
 1 YE* POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS 
 DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES' AND"- ' 
 •E OF THE STAGE BUSINESS ; CARE- 
 MARKED FROM THE MOST AP 
 PROVED ACTING COPY. • 
 
 orders 
 
 @.ccoinpany 
 
 WALTER H.BAKER&CO 
 
 li|M« 
 
 5 HAMILTON PLACt- BQSTON-MA§S. 
 

 m 
 
 L v A • n .* - - v- 4ft?' 
 
 ;- r ■ .. Vy-f 1 ...»-•.• ^ v „« 'i; -ST- 
 
 vhif-'.Z. per&zam 
 
 EJL“ t r. - y ■ -•< **.,? 
 
 5S.it: 
 
 
 
 Lon ot 
 
 
 ——• 
 
 each u: ''ssotherwlse.marked; v ;*{> 
 
 . I -■ ■ ■■ —M il ■ I . ■ *■ ■— ■ | . . , i I 
 
 NO. 
 
 M. r. NO 
 
 X^jHLj&KsLtikS. ■ 
 
 Au^Vr Eustace, 25c ’,.10 3 
 
 ■.. 
 
 •’ x 
 
 I. 
 
 Auld Robin Gray, 25<.;d...,.12 3 
 
 Adventures!.,The... . 8 6 
 
 By Force pf Love. ,...*. 8 3 
 
 Bill Detrick..... 6 3 
 
 Brae, th,e P >.#House Girl... 4 4 
 
 Broken .... . 8 4 
 
 Beyond Pardon...t.,.,........,.. 6 4 
 
 Cohn'; or Gove’s Victory, v .. 9 3 
 Clearing the Mists*...,;....... a 3 
 
 Claim Ninety-six (96) 25e... $; 5 
 Comte jrcial Drummer, Tire 5 3 
 Cricket on the Hearth. The., 6 8 
 : Dutch K 'CrUit' ( ’The 25c.14 
 Dora 
 
 Driven to the Wall._;..;....f.lO 
 Defending the Flag, 25e... i :,U 
 Daisy Garland’s Fort a he, ■ 
 
 QExO —•.-*■ . Jf ' ■ •♦v Vv 
 
 ~ Driven from Home*.,..,,, i... 6 t 
 
 Dutch Jake.a”U;..V;s. * ^ 
 
 East f. ^nne..... .... 8 
 
 Emigu Vs Daughter......... 8 
 
 False Ei end. The.....5 
 
 Fatal &b'yr r The- 
 
 Forty-Ni hers. The:........V..... 10 
 
 F. 
 
 5 2 
 
 .7- 
 
 Fielding Manor...,....,.. 9 6 
 
 Freenu p Mill Strike, The... 7 1 
 
 1 . Wm 1 
 
 3 3. 
 
 
 335* 
 
 211 
 
 251 
 
 .Factory Girl........ 
 
 Gertie.’s Yihdicatitm. 
 
 Gram imother Hildebraud’p 
 Deg icj, 25c.,..,....,. o 
 
 Gye. The. Heifers; 25c.;;5 
 Geaecal Manager, The..., ,., 5 
 G mtleinan in .Black, The... 8 
 
 Hand y Andy... 10 3 
 
 Haunted by a Shadow:.6 2 
 
 H*unt«4 Mill/Phe. 5 4 
 
 Hal HaSaVd. 25c. 7 3 
 
 Hazel Adams,;....".';. 'i... 5 .8 
 
 Hearts of Gold,.5 3 
 
 Hidden Treasures...;. 3 3 
 
 Hidden Hand..,.....,..,.13 7 
 
 Josb tyincheuter, 25c.......... 5 3 
 
 Joe, the Waif, 25c.. 5‘ 3 
 
 Kathleen Mavourneen... ...12 4 
 Lights.and Shadows of the 
 Great Rebellion, 25c............10 5 
 
 Lady of .Lyons......12 5 
 
 Lady Audley’s Secret. 6 4 
 
 Legal Holiday,..:..... 5 2 
 
 Hit T e Goldie, 25c.. 11 3 
 
 Lit\ i. Heroine... 8 
 
 -^leS The-.......,,......,^.:'© 
 
 Revenge...11 
 
 London. .8 
 
 s Peril.. 5 
 
 ie’s Reprieve, The.. 8 
 
 s Daughter, 25c.... 7 
 
 Midnight Mistake....6 
 
 Mill,cl the Quadroon*.. 6 
 
 • Ma | 
 
 Me- 
 
 .Milie 
 
 
 408 
 196 
 223 
 81 
 331 
 405 
 333 
 85 
 S3 
 347 
 146 
 419, 
 278 i 
 SOI 
 280 
 5 
 
 322 
 
 420 
 
 7t 
 
 275 
 409- 
 79 
 336 
 372 
 '266 
 364 
 369 
 f 1051 
 
 201 
 
 293 
 
 193 
 
 200 
 
 Miriam’s Crime. 
 
 Mistletoe Bough...... 
 
 Mountebanks, The,. 
 
 Mrs. Willis’ Will... P 
 
 Musical Captain, The 25c...15 
 
 My Pai-d, 25c..... 6 
 
 New Magdalen, The. 6 
 
 New York Book Agent.. N 7 
 
 Not Such a Fool as He 
 
 Looks... 5 
 
 Noel Corson’s Oath.... 8 
 
 .Oath Bound..4 
 
 Old Honesty..;.5 
 
 Old Phil’s Birthday. 5 
 
 Old Wayside Inu, The. 9 
 
 Old Glory in Cuba, 25c. . u 8 
 
 ' Our Kittie. 6 
 
 Outcast’s Wife......12 
 
 Out on the World.;. 5 
 
 Our Country Aunt... 0 
 
 Our A^ful Aunt. 4 
 
 Our Jack...7 
 
 Penn Bapgood......10 
 
 Peleg and Peter, 25c.. 4 
 
 Pheelim O’Rookes’ Curse... 8 
 Phylis, the Beggar Girt..; 
 
 Raw Recruit, The.. 
 
 Rachel, the Fire W’aif, 25c... 
 
 Reward of Crime, The. 5 3 
 
 Rock Alien...,...;..,...;..*. 5 4 
 
 3 
 
 2 
 
 5 
 -2 
 5 ' 
 3 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 3 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 2 . 
 
 6 
 3 
 3 
 
 3 
 
 4 
 
 4> 
 
 3 
 3 
 2 
 3 
 0 3 
 6 0 
 
 
 415 
 
 290 
 ■ 41 
 192 
 
 Simple Silas..... ft 
 
 Southern Rose, A.... 10 
 
 Spy of Atlanta, 25c7......*....14 
 
 Suture’s Dartghter, The. 5 
 
 SuBlight, 35c.....,. 
 
 S weetbrier......... 1. 
 
 Trix ie..... . 
 
 Taggs, the Waif, 25c.....i d 
 
 Through Snow and S«u- 
 
 shine...:;..'... 
 
 Ticket of Leave Man. 
 
 Tom Blossom...-.m. 
 
 ToodLes. 
 
 Uncle Tom’s Cabin... 
 
 Uncle .Te i’s Fidelity.. 
 
 Under the American 
 
 9oe...... 
 
 Wild Mat. 
 
 Won at Last... 
 
 t.Y: 
 
 Zion..... 
 
 
 .. 
 
 •'r* v *V'y * 
 
 'W , *VV/ 
 
 PLAYS. 
 
 .75,. Adrift. 6 
 
 391 Among thb Moonshiners,_ 7 
 
 78 At Last... < 
 
 187 Aunt Dinah’s Pledge...;.);.... 6 
 254 Dot; the Miner}* Daughter 9 
 
 202 Drunkard, The-.......13 5 
 
 185 Drunkard’s Warning....,..., 6 3 
 
 189 Drunkard’s Doom.. .15 5 
 
 181 Fifteen Years of a Dvunk- 
 
 ard’s Lffe^...;.. ..10 4 
 
 183 Fruits of the Wine Clip.,... 6 3 
 104 Lost*.V . . 6 2 
 
WThe Telephoned 
 
 l '’Pi' T/i / i t ^ t % t * ' *\A l—s f' v •. 
 
 ' A SCREAMING FARCE ’ 
 
 IN ONE ACT. 
 
 — liv — - : 
 
 C. L. F„ 
 
 Author of *■ Take Your Medicine," “ The Jolly Jocky Club," “ The 
 /Ural Ball Nines'," “ Mr. and Mrs. Hemlock," “ Doctor's 
 Da uf/hfrr," '■’/'/<<’ Hidden Hint/." 
 
 ■——-O- 
 
 -TO WHICH IS ADDED — tr 
 
 A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES—CAST OF THE 
 
 • ' ; ’ i. ■ .. . i 
 
 CHARACTERS—ENTRANCES AND EXITS—RET.A- 
 
 TIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE 
 
 STAGE, 
 
 AND THE /WHOLE 
 STAGE BUSINESS. 
 
 THE 
 
 ,-o- 
 
 f ^ . ,.4, ... . Ii. ,, . . *#•* . . . • . , . I ■ •* '• 
 
 Copyrighted 1903, by Charles. L. Fleming. 
 
 ---O-- 
 
 . * 
 
 Entered according to act of Congress in/he year 1904, by 
 
 AMES’ PUBLISHING GO. 
 
 in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 
 
 -O- 
 
 
 AMES’ PUBLISHING CO., 
 
 A 
 
 a it 
 
 V 
 
 CLYDE, OHIO. 
 

 - A SCREAM NO FARCE 
 
 “THE TELEPHONE.” 
 
 V’-'M ; \ : r-M ~ a f < ; \> a 
 
 Scene. —A square room, office-like, with scenery of telephone boxes 
 painted on it. A square screen in centre of-stage with telephone box 
 attached to the left side. Table to the left of the stage, with two chairs, on 
 the right of the stage a number of chairs. 
 
 Properties .—Wigs for each character. Dust brush. A flour-blower. Ink, 
 pens and paper for table. Books find papers for callers. 
 
 Costumes. 
 
 ' 
 
 Sambo AN]) Bam bo.—S uits to suit funny negro characters. h v . 
 
 Mil. Shelby.—R egular office dress ;,linen coat’, any color trousers, gray 
 beard and wig. 
 
 Louis Barrett.—H igh hat, long coat, bald head, wig any color, light 
 pants, red vest, walking cane. 
 
 Rai.ph Sculler.—R egular base ball suit. 
 
 1 Tarry' Wilson.—R egular foot hall suit. 
 
 Stanley Faber.—I Ugh hat, short coat, white vest Jight.lpd gloves, high 
 collar and red tie, large watch chain, light auburn wig, w&lking stick! 
 Chappy Dunly.—D ress apd hair of regular dude., with -eye glass and 
 
 *• i t.'.l .• \ \ ' - } ■ ■ 
 
 walking cane. (All as the manager wishes.) 
 
 Joseph Jones —Regular chef dress, middle, ageand Ue.rVons looking. 
 Barney O’Malley.—R egular policeman's suit, red heard and wig. 
 
 Characters. 
 
 Mu. Fred Shelby ......./i.-iHead clerk in the Fake Telephone Office 
 
 Lam bo 1 ..Colored boys ill the Telephone service 
 
 Sambo > — 
 
 Louis Barrett .A stage-struck Freak 
 
 Ralph Sculler. ....Crank on Base Ball 
 
 Harry Wilson ...Gone on Foot Ball 
 
 Stanley Faber ......\ would-be singer 
 
 Chappy Dunly ..,.An aristocratic dude 
 
 Joseph Jones. .A tnbsf nervous chef 
 
 Barney O’Malley.a. .,..v............-.p;...,.... A conscientious policeman 
 
 Positions on stage when mirtain drops : 
 
 Umbo, O'Malley, Shelby, Sambo, 
 
 ! ,/ K ; . > , . i c Singer. ,v J j f 
 
 Time playfed to suit the manager. 
 
 Can introduce females if desired. 
 
A SCREAMING FARCE, 
 
 8>fcT0tX> V» ; ftfmsMii bio trsv ff t i /j sm-nr etjLal H v r 
 
 “ T h E TELEPHON E.” 
 
 •Offr'O* jfUi-JTJSOV 'A (KiH {K^ 3;. M\ ' " 'i * 
 
 mTTT 
 
 . /. 4 j 
 
 : >:imho arid Lambo behind 1 he scene, making a great noisa 
 .chafing each other about the stage. using a dust brush.) 
 
 'Lambo ciVa^S Tforifrtta around t he’telephone screen:) 
 
 (Sainbo gets into the box screen and looks oVer at LaUibo:)" 
 Sambo. I see you Eatnho; • t,J t; -‘ : • m\rJ 
 
 Lambo. ¥seiryou Sambo ( both laugh loudly, i 
 Lambo. Say, Sambo, does your mother know you’re out? ; 
 Sambo'. No; does you is, (both laugh loudly.") 
 
 Lambo. Lome off the perch. Sambo. 
 
 '"’y Sandro’brushes the thee of Lambo with -th'O brush he has. 
 Sambo laughs loudly.) 1 ' i)’V( 
 
 ' ISYidw: Cdrhe let’s 1 have a song. (Both go to centre and sing.) 
 
 After song Lambo a ntf Sain bo keCp time in a cake 
 walk song. (Enter Mr. Shelby. ) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (In anger.') Here’! What do you two fellow's 
 mean (starting for them), get to yon?-work, quick':- (Both -run 
 to worked .... . • oiiob>. .o UtieH 
 
 ' '• l 3l¥: 1 Sh3lby. (Sits at &esk to wfttfe:) 0 Bid anyone call for me 
 to-day. Sambo?. . 
 
 tiiW 
 
 . Sambo/' No. MnWler. tqU/I ot rfaiw'I ydfe ■ 
 
 r -^ Mr: ShellW. All : right,—cdbie here, Itotli of yW.i (Both come 
 in a'ritsb: j ' - 
 
 : : Mr. SheibV.* a fExited.’) Sfdp ^mr rionsinSe-*—start'd -on each 
 side of this table, (Both.) r. : o y 
 
 STr. Shelby We are to begin operations in this new office this 
 evening ; do you understand? ; • 
 
 . Boys, (Tpgtdln3.) Yes, Master. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. ‘You arc to answer all the telephone calls and re¬ 
 ceive all the messages. Yob understand me? : ’ ’■ ' 
 
 see 
 
 i;»9ys, t rogetnejyin surprise 1 .; r es; taster - ■ •. c 
 
 Sir. Shelby. YVell.^airibo.'yvou are to get into this box, and 
 answer all the telephone cglls ; and you, Lambo, will answer.the 
 door bell and show the'jibopTe to fh'tB’phohe ; See?• -d;-.. .* 
 
 Boys. (Together.) Yes, Master. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Now we have a little time to-go through the bus¬ 
 iness be lore the neonle come. , ,.I usf w.4it a monifent. Mm 
 
 * ^ (Btit^’pett eacb'blhei,) / •< .iK 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Well! W T e)l ! I shall have a-fuie time thijseven- 
 
 ’ tfoofTTelb; erdf buOiifl ai oflW .rrffo:® .tM 
 xod &&h 
 
 'Mixs 
 
 ,1 fil* 
 
 
4 
 
 •‘THE TELEPHONE 
 
 ing with this fake telephone and with my old friends ; of course 
 they will not know mein, this disguise. (Excited.) Stop that 
 fooling ; come let me show you what to do. 
 
 Boys. (Together.) All right, Master. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. You stay in the box, Sambo—(both rush toward 
 the box). 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Here! not you, Lambo; get out 
 here—you are to mind the bell. 
 
 Lambo. Shure, Master. (Lambo laughs.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Now, when 1 speak through the ’phone you an¬ 
 swer me. 
 
 Sambo. Shure, Master. '■} ,7 . 
 
 (Mr. Shelby rings the ’phone. ) 
 
 Sambo. (Stands up over the screen, shouts.) Hello ! What 
 does you want, Master? ... 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Get down and answer the ’phone ! 
 
 Sambo. (Laughs.) Shure I will. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Get down, I say. 
 
 (Sambo goes back again.) 
 
 Mr, Shelby. (Kings up.) Hello! 
 
 Sambo. Hello! 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Give me 6-4-20 — The American Stage Company. 
 
 Sambo. All right. ^ /.Vf» «>j- 
 
 Mr. Shelby. I wish to hear Ralph Booth in his play. 
 
 Sambo. (Declaims behind the screen.) lam the-ghost of my 
 father, come to deal out vengeance on his murder — now ! is my 
 time to take blood for blood in atonement for your crime. Die, I 
 say, die ! thou art a villain ! 
 
 Mr. Shelby. O, my ! but he is great. If I could but speak 
 like him. 
 
 Sambo. (Coming out ) Ls it all right. Master. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Yes, fine ! Get into the box again. 
 
 Sambo. All right, Master. (Enters box.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Try it again, Sambo. 
 
 Sambo. Shure, Master. (Goes into box again.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (To the’phone ) Hello! (No answer.) 
 
 Sambo. (Comes out of the box.) Shall I speak again, Master? 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Shure you will. Get in the box, I 
 say, into the box ! 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Rings’phone.) Hello! 
 
 Sambo. Hello! 
 
 Mr. Shelby, Give me 4-11-44. , . .7 
 
 Sambo. A11 right, 4-11-44. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Is this the New York Base Ball Club? 
 
 Sambo. Shure! , ,; .• 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Who is ahead this afternoon ? 
 
 Sambo. Sharkey (over the box). 
 
“the telephone” 5 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Sharkey! What do you mean ? 
 
 Sambo. Mean ! Why, don’t you knqw Sharkey knocked the 
 ball out in the last round. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Get down off that box. Now, come 
 out here. See you answer the ’phone just as I tell you. 
 
 Sambo and Lambo. (Together.) Sliure we will, Master. 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Now get to work and clean up the place (going 
 to desk.) My ! but I will have some fun to-night with this fake 
 telephone—but never mind, no one will know me in tbie disguise. 
 I say, Sambo and Lambo, and the rest, let’s have a song. (Four 
 come to sing. Here some lively songs and dances. The door bell 
 rings.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Get into the box, quick. Answer 
 the bell, Lambo ! 
 
 (All excitement. Bell rings again.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Answer the bell, I say ! 
 
 Lambo. All right, Master. (Laughing. Answers the bell.) 
 Lambo. pome in. (Enters Louis Barrett.) 
 
 Louis Barrett. The telephone, sir,, the telephone, I say. 
 Lambo. Here you are, Master. 
 
 Louis Barrett. (Goes to’phone.) Hello! 
 
 Sambo. Hello! 
 
 Louis Barrett. ) 62-20-40-M, 
 
 Sambo. 62-20-40-M. 
 
 Louis Barrett. Hello ! Give me the Grand Opera House. 
 Sambo. All right—Grand Opera House. 
 
 Louis Barrett. Is Jo wan Pleba playing now? 
 
 Sambo. Yes. 
 
 L. Barrett. Kindly let me hear him. , 
 
 Sambo. All right—listen. 
 
 Is there a man so dead, 
 
 Who to his wife had said, 
 
 Let me drink myself to death, 
 
 Now—-or—never ! 
 
 L. Barrett. Oh, my ! but he is grand, would that I couI(| be 
 
 like him. 
 
 Lambo. Take a seat, sir ! Here, read this Kook, please. (Si(s 
 down.) • , Y. Y 
 
 ( Door bell rings. Enter Ralph Sculler.) 
 
 R. Sculler. Hello, Stony Lonesome. 
 
 (Lambo dusting him. Sculler excited. 
 
 R. Sculler. Where do you keep the ’phone? 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Over there. 
 
 Lambo. Over here, Master. 
 
 R. Sculler. Get out you lump of nothingness 
 R. Sculler. Hello! 
 
 Sambo. Hello! 
 
I'll 
 
 n "THE TELEPHON'E/ 
 
 g ' anrsE'TjfjuT 2 *ut t 
 
 R. Sculler, t^ve me the Base Ball Club on the .New York 
 grounds. "* 
 
 Sambo. What’s the number ? 
 
 R. Sculler. What’s the number ! How do I kiioWb 
 ’^Sfcinbo Can’t have it—fcftase yourselfr ’ tC ‘ ' i ^ 
 
 Sambo. Call again, boss. 
 
 R. Sculler. ’ (Tries again.) Hello !' r ib : 20. , : 
 
 Sambo. ' 16-20. * ,odM?*id. bo» m 
 
 RfSehllfer. Is ‘this the centre—hdselbdll fie^ftj—Netl York: ’ 
 Sambo. Yes. . .} 
 
 Rt‘Sculler*. ' Ar^’tlie New York’fc ahea'rf W‘'v 1 ' p ! 1’- 
 Sambo. No—they’re in the soup. . eo.-.ri,.,. . ted an-J 
 
 (Gets'exeited.) . . ., i . . {J j 
 
 Lambo. Keep nttiet, you lime—sit dowtiH-ir^re’s h book/ *b 
 n "-‘ ;,lli ■ ( Uell-rings.r- • 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (HxLliett | ' Get to the door, 5 ' 'fLamb 0 ! (fufirab to 
 door.)* Come in: (Eider Harry Wilson.) 
 
 Harry Wilson. Good evening. bosjs. ’ " 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Good evening sir , 
 
 H. Wilson. May I speak throughtRy’phoneb]'/’ 11 .H* 1 ; 
 
 Lambo. No. You may speak Otbr it, yon l^bsteL ’ ! .. ? r: , 
 Mr. Shelby. Keep quiet, you scoundrel. ‘feir, dOh’tYHJlift'd he 
 boy, he’s Off in the Upiter story/ : 
 
 H. Wilson. I shoultt'kay lie ns ! a Rttlo wryly. li - r * : lA infi b? 
 
 H. Wilson. Hello - : ' No: vr>t - r n : * d 
 
 Sambo. 14-20-60. . . , _ < .«dm«g 
 
 H. Wilson. Is this the't^dt^Sll^fhb-^ftyyton, Qmpl 
 Sambo. Yes, they aye tjull of date^.'^ 8i \ *, ; ’ 
 
 H. Wilson. (Excited ] Thuildei’? What kind of talk do you 
 11 Hint throughjhe 1 ii ,am b C7 f v’^ - 
 
 oall that 
 Lambo 
 
 H. Wilson. Get out of here or I'll spill you all over. ... . 
 
 ’ fcdmbo. (Erfiied.) ; WT'.H 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Take a. seat, sir., (Seats,) I am ^orry/^ir.’tlntt 
 
 fJK ' ; ■ w - a * '' - . 
 
 H. Wilson. O, that’s all right, see! . rf , 
 
 >v. Get to tfye di>or ^od. V ,0j " ' g ” 
 
 01 . a iUOd /OlKLri. tu.^ULOtkfii! 
 
 Mr. Shelby 
 Lambo. Shure,. Master.’ Come in. 
 
 S.Faber. 
 
 Mr. Shelbs - . Don’t mention it. 
 
 i 
 
 .TOlloori M 
 
 odm$H 
 
TRI. T 9 !PIf. 7 
 
 '.V'atet'. (Gkes to tW’phone.) KoM'-2^-0. ; 1 m-J 
 
 "Sambo. 1-‘2":Mi. 
 
 , JS. Eaber.; tlitch me onto the Aciuimny of Music. 
 
 Ma’frtho: (Comes'out. ) What will ! bitch liim on to, Mastei ? 
 Mr. Shelby, (Excited.) Get into the box. yoivpVd fool. ;l ’’ 
 S. Faber. (Jn surprise.) Sir! what is the matter with the 
 
 or..? •' - 
 
 Mr. Shelby, In a minute, sit. ‘ (Excited.) Get into the box, 
 H drifey ftlToW."'' ’ • ■. w 
 
 f (Sambo goes into the box.) 
 nhb Helli> f Np. ; 1-2^0. 
 
 'liber. ()h; nil t v tght: hello ! uv/ 
 bo. Hello! - 
 
 .dtibr. Ift’this the Academy of Music? 
 
 bo. Oh, ves. . 
 
 ’aber. Well, let me hear the great Decis Hanley at the 
 teabee: * ' ' “ a - om-h />m * ' 
 
 'O. All l i'.dit.' listen : 
 
 .. '• My tirnbuck too 
 
 ' ! I See thrdugh yott' 
 
 In the old rue, ;<> • •« w. 
 
 } ' 1 ' Ry the Hoeful meW” ' 1 '' ■ ' 
 
 S. Faber. Oh, how grapd lie sings, would that I could aecom- 
 any him thus. 
 
 Lam bo. Dry tip, yob shrimp. Here, sir; 5 take a seat. (Sits 
 dowip) . .. '• : ' j b’' 1 ' ain-J ; •< -‘Hi: 
 
 (Bell rings.) 
 
 Lambo. Oh, jumpins,.another call ? . < ‘ 
 
 Mr. Shelbv. Go to the door, sir: 
 
 Lambo. Yes, Master. Come in. (Enter Chappy Duniy ) 
 Lambo. Well^xYould you get on to the chappy; 
 
 Mr. Shelby, (Excited. Shakes his list at Lamlkv.) 
 
 Samw."" (StandsuppioftMb over 'th<5fscreeVi.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Cries to both 'to keep Quiet..)- 
 Chappy Duniy. ( Walking' idi int . >■ Well, bow—I’d-like-to- 
 know—oil! any — main kin ! t Mwi ng aird putting glass to eye.) 
 I should treble — well-now (load ing at, Shelby, bowing.) and 
 pray where is the telephone, sir. ' :r - t ,, l ' r : ; 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Bowing '! Over there, sir. Lambo, show the 
 gentleman the box. 
 
 Lambo. Yes, sir. Conre this way, 1 sir.’- (Goes to r phone. 
 8ptgks : t<» receiver.)'• " " K ; 
 
 *;Chapj»T ihitily. (Rihjgihg’phdrneb) M Hollo ! Hello! 
 
 ; Sambo • - ■’ 
 
 Mr. Slobby. (Excited. f Get UeVi’O, SiiYnbo, I say, get down. 
 Chappy Duniy. I-say ! 1-say! sir la the matter with 
 
 the ’phone? 
 
g “THE i'i:EEElfIIONE’ > 
 
 Lambo. Look-, Master, lie’s smoking.(ho, receiver. (Laughing.) 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.) Sir.—nothing’s the matter with the 
 ’phone, you are speaking through tlie wiongjCnd, . , 
 
 Cbapp\ Imnlv. iSui[>ri ed.,) Oh! gracious, so J was. Hello! 
 Hello! Ao. 2-5-7. 
 
 Sambo. 2-5-7. 
 
 Chappy Dunly. Hello ! Is this Pothy — Oh ! Pothy ! \ had a 
 lovely time last night at t he opera. , . ‘ 
 
 Sambo. (Syringe.) Oh, you don’t say so. (Sambo blows flour 
 through hole in screen.) , , , ;f . ( 
 
 Chappy Dunly. (Sereams ) Oh ! mercy ! I am -—electrified ! 
 Lambo. (Shouting.) Oh, he’s sflot with the sparks from the 
 
 wire. i ob'.di * a? ■. r 
 
 Mr. Shelby. I’m sorry, sir-— take .a- sent- Lambo, atten 
 this gentleman. , , >0 . 
 
 Lambo. (Laughing ). .Shore, Master. (Bel) rings.) 
 
 Lambo. (Drops dude and runs to tlie bell.) Come in ! Come 
 in! (Enters Joseph Jones. Chasing Lambo — all excitement. 
 Shelby very much excited.) . . 
 
 Joseph Jones. I want the ’phone—where is it? I say where 
 is it—give me the ’phone at once. , , ; 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Over there! (Grabbing him.) Over there! 
 (Pushing him.) - : 
 
 Lambo. (Running about the stage laughing.) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited. ) Keep quiet, Lambo. 
 
 Sambo. (Climbs to the top of screen.) ' ? J , 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Still excited.) Answer the’phone—get down, 
 
 I say.' . Him -tm mm; gfikurm/ do . 
 
 Joseph Jones. Hello! Hello! Hello! ; 
 
 Sambo. Hello ! 
 
 J. Jones. No..78. 
 
 Sambo. All right. 
 
 J. Jones. (Excited.) Send the fire brigade ! Everylhing in 
 the house is on fire ! Fire ! Fire ! 
 
 Sambo. (Excited. .-Jumps.from scre^py) 
 
 Mr. Shelby. (Excited.). Cries for order. , . : 
 
 All together. Fake telephone. 
 
 Again. Imposter! 
 
 (Policeman enters. Ail J( ppint to Shelby and say, together) 
 Arrest that man—imposter ! (Shelby takes off his disguise.) 
 
 All together. Shelhv ! 
 
 Mr. Shelby. Yes, dear friends, I know you al( —we had a 
 pleasant evening with the‘ Fake Telephone.” So shall all out 
 life be, let us hope, as it has been this evening-—full of fun with¬ 
 out harm or displeasure to any one. Come, let us sing a song. 
 
 (Song selected.) • ' vb • -1 • J 
 

 1 
 
 V 
 
 Three Giass^a J 
 Tea Nights in a B 
 
 co*»*. 
 
 124 An Affiieterf F 
 & Biter Bit, T 1 
 3j4 BirdFaruily 
 2ri7 Caught In 
 248 Capture 3 
 
 868 Ca 8 ^ 0 ’f*. 
 
 131 Cigarette, _I , * 
 
 Fanner Lari in’s Boarders! & 4 
 Girl from t> e Midway, The.. 3 2 
 Heroic Qtf^hffisn of 3 76...... 8 3 
 
 **■ *7*z ■ 5 3 
 
 a a Spir jif s V\ 
 
 $m&em 
 
 ’ if™ .. 
 
 o (9 Dutchman’a Picnic, The.3 0 
 
 188 Dutch Prize lighter.-..'...... 3 0 
 
 407 Dr. Baxter's Servants. ...4 0 
 
 218 Everybody Astonished. 4' 0 ; 
 
 224 Fooling \yith the Wrong 
 
 ■ .... 2/ 
 
 233 Freezing a Mather-in-Law. 3 2 
 
 ® * un m a post Office..4 2 
 
 £*■ Family,Jars.... 5 2 
 
 209 Goose with 'the Golden 
 
 . 5 3| 
 
 .. •? a iiggs..:. 5 .3 
 
 8 5 | 307 Hailab^hoola, the Medicine 
 
 ~ 25e..,........ 7 - 2 }‘ Man . 4 3 
 
 lafcz s Mistake..;;. 4. 3 f 2d Hans Brummel’s Cafe.... & 0 
 
 l\l nf. . 9 •_> . Mi! 7T - * 
 
 or Not Lust; :.. 3 
 
 9. 3 
 
 ogay’s Blunder. 3 3 
 
 • m-- - u. j.. ■ , »■ 
 
 no diasn 1 <r 9 
 
 140 How He Popped the Ques¬ 
 tion......... 1 1 
 
 
 Blunders., 5 3 
 
 mN. . ...7 6 
 
 •V.. fi 4 
 
 >> 
 
 &$rv& l frv Bv 
 
 -*' r T 
 
 306 Three Hats, me 
 240 - 42,000 Reward ,..!.!. 
 
 '* rf * • . . . .... . . . . ...... 
 
 vy... .. I?. ,4 4 74 Ho w. to Tame ’V on r Moth er- 
 
 ifi-Law. 4 2 
 
 —.. • v 36b Hotel Healthy .■;. 4 3 
 
 •A-U-.. 6 5] 398 Haunted Hat! The.;/.. !!! . 2 0 
 
 ;>*V .>■•'.•• # £. 308 Irish Squire of Squash 
 
 Ridge... 4 2 
 
 95 In the Wrong Clothes .5 3 
 
 305 Jacob ShiafTs Mistake.. 3 2 
 
 299 Jimmie Jones.,.3 2 
 
 II Jobn Smith............... 5 3 
 
 99 JumboAum. -..... 4 3 
 
 406 Judge by Proxy.... 5 2 
 
 303 Kiss in the Dark...!.......... 2 3. 
 
 389 Kitty and Patsy. j 1 
 
 QQA .1tiki,. / 
 
 380 Katie’s Deception..... 4 ; 2 . 
 
 228 Latiderbach’s Little S'-.-'-s ^ 
 a..?. ■. . 
 
 prise.. 
 
 1 ■ 
 
 302 Locked in a Dres^• ■ • 
 
 ■ Room. .yn..Jtke'- ^ 2 
 
 I06 l.o«; .. K»r- Two :> 
 
 ’■' v i •... gantjl Coiuier<*\»>‘ty^*30 
 
 16 The Serf ! if .e Btu^qrs th ? u ime.. $4 , 
 
 . 0 O 8 ‘Mother.s . 4 4 
 
 . 0 * ! f5Sb ;v.-lvIq%x>pivtBi•;•••-,. ..... -f . r 
 
 «••• 35r: ; ideatebnn^kiitg .’lEfeihe 
 
 91 u.Vv’^aT" ••",•;.—. 4 - 3'1 ,^:i ai^ixe Doncv,v > .*rh‘e . ..• 
 
 * fe :“» T .. ' J ■» i : 
 
 . ' ~ " * 305 Nip and Tupn ....!,..;.!!... 3 ,i ! 
 
 / • 
 
 jflfcf*-'" 
 
 - 
 
m 
 
 .V 
 
 pax?, 
 \ ■■Mi 
 
 o a a i v/arden er...... 
 
 Pi-Jicody. 
 
 '195 
 
 it am iriiZJ'jcjcto SJ -..7 
 
 •t*g £; Popping the Question \...2 » 
 Printer and His Devils ,The 3 1 * 
 159 Quiet Family ^ 4 4 
 
 ..." .w-'-jgj %«iap?i X ..,rj:::;:;:;-: 6 ^ 
 
 m ^iPP\es ... 
 
 Hi 5 OJT£ ^ r>la > Bf> W ? .............. .. 6 3 
 
 tf? 44 a . ..,. 2 0 
 
 3le - Rascal Pat. That.;.,. S 2' 
 
 M Jutbeii 2 i 
 
 68 Sham. Professor, The. 4 0 
 S 95 Spellin' Skewl, The.....".*. ”!.”* 7 6 
 309 Sauta Claus,’ Dau filter - § 7 
 im Sewing Circle of Period.... 0 5 
 115 8 . H. A. M. Pinafore ..... . 5 3 
 
 55 Somebody’s Nobody....,,,,;..'. 3 2 
 
 32v Strictly Temperance 2 2 
 
 232 Stage Struck Yankee. ZZ'. -4 2 
 
 241 btei>ck.by .Lightning. 2 &; 
 
 270 Bliek and Stineer....5 0 . 
 
 i and Crasher.. 5 2 
 
 305 StupM Gupid.,... - l q, 
 
 34o gigrt.pag ac- Actor..i • V 
 
 413 Sw'toheU Off. . •, 0 
 
 B 3:°° >9»»y oiwMirrs* 3 
 
 Ti-.’O aer,ik- s «ti it, a H*.,... 2 
 
 33 f XuKiug the Census.. 1 
 
 16/ Ttira.ljj® Out.., ; 3 
 
 ^28 Thirty .hree Ncict Birthday 4 
 II «•* ***#«*» .5 
 
 ups Trip;..,.;,,... 5 
 
 oripinh ’fep 'i ience in 
 tpr’ otn. 
 
 Ham. ted 
 Hi r . 
 
 BypuciOTidria'i 
 Tutellip mce Gfllv-e, 
 
 319 In For 3: .. 
 
 86.3 Jake woA Snow.. * 
 
 88 Mischievous Nigger.......;,.., 4 
 
 256 Midnight Colic. 2 
 
 128 Musical ii®key. % 
 
 61 Not as Deaf vs He Seeiasi;. 8 
 
 Nobody’s Son ... . 2 
 
 Old Clothes..,....;.:.... 3 
 
 Old Dad’s Gabir 
 Otbello 
 
 353 
 
 244 
 
 234 
 
 246 
 
 3 
 
 0 
 
 1 
 
 m: 
 
 45 • % 1 
 
 0 
 
 2 
 
 2 
 
 297 Pomp Green’s Siwkes. 2 
 
 134 Pomp ’s'Pra nks... 2 
 
 258 Prof Bones’ Bates, li ven- 
 
 Unr@.; 
 
 m e 
 
 168 Texan Mother-in-Law.. . „ 4 
 
 2«i TaVo Aunt Eodiiys.--' V 
 367 m,m Wager, S -4 2 
 
 81? Uncle Kthafi : | 
 
 ^69 Unjust Justice. g 2 
 
 2 ) 3 Vermont .Wobl Dealer!;;. 6 3 
 
 -:, 2 ! ^^toifcefephone^..;^ 8 : Js> 
 332 Which -is Which,?;... 3 3 
 
 151 Wanted a Husband. ’ * ” 2 1 
 
 56 .Wooing Tender Difficulties. 4 3 
 
 . 70 Which will he Marry!” . “ £ 8 
 
 135 Widower’s Trials^... \ 5 
 
 147-,-Waklug.Him Up.. . ,. * 2 
 
 155 Wii.f They Joined tbe"Re'.' 
 
 414 W 0.0 fc Who?; , , . . . , 3 2 
 
 ■403 Winning a Wife’!”!!.!.!2 1 
 
 ni YankeeDueiist..:.:....:.:: ; 3 i 
 
 157 Yankee -Pet) tiler.cj 7 3 
 
 3*7 Yacob’s. Btetei. Experience. 3 j> 
 
 ETHIOPIAN FAROES. 
 
 177 Quarrel 
 W? School. 
 
 133 Seeing 
 
 179 Sb»«r». Doctor. 
 
 243 Sports on a Dark.. ..., 
 92 Stage Struck Darkey. 
 . 238 Strawberry Sbor-cak 
 122 Select School, Thc... 
 108 Those A w ful Bo. 
 Ticket Taker 
 Vice Versa... 
 
 Vibkens an 
 Virginia ^ 
 
 William 
 
 Wig-M 
 vants. 
 
 -2.u) 
 
 -Apademy of Stars"...,. £ 8 Q 
 
 !/> 2 ■ 4 ? 
 
 ./i'-g 
 
 The Bi 
 
 On to Victory. Gantan*. a^u., • 
 
 Festival of Days..„,,. 
 
 Cousin John’s.Album. Pau- 
 
 totniruea..;„. 
 
 399 
 
 397 
 
 360 
 
 Happy Franks Spugster. 
 Ames Select - Recitations 
 
 no. 1 ...;. ^2 
 
 Mother Earth, and her Veg'-, 
 
 atabie Daughters..,.. 0 
 
 Ames’ Series of Medleys, 
 Recitations -and Tableaux 
 No. 1.. . 
 
 Arnes’ Series 0 / 
 
 Recitations and 
 
 mimes No. 2;,..,.. w . 
 
 376 Joan of Are Drill. 
 
 371 Victim of Woinaji's P 
 184 Family Discipline . 
 
 186 My Day and Ifpw-.t u 
 
 m 
 
 m Make-Up Box. Price 50 Gents. 
 ' ...